diff --git a/examples/uwu/uwu-tiktok_app_reviews.csv b/examples/uwu/uwu-tiktok_app_reviews.csv new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cc8ee09 --- /dev/null +++ b/examples/uwu/uwu-tiktok_app_reviews.csv @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +version https://git-lfs.github.com/spec/v1 +oid sha256:fa6473ceda5140b4ec276d2f0dd1a0b8e5792c2af07060873808043d5c0a94fe +size 585697624 diff --git a/examples/uwu/uwu-tokyo-2020-olympics-tweets.csv b/examples/uwu/uwu-tokyo-2020-olympics-tweets.csv new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c18b873 --- /dev/null +++ b/examples/uwu/uwu-tokyo-2020-olympics-tweets.csv @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +version https://git-lfs.github.com/spec/v1 +oid sha256:757ecc638f95f2beeace6c30b247412d4c64d01464c327be8d0519a4dddf57b2 +size 116683893 diff --git a/examples/uwu/uwu-william-shakespeare.txt b/examples/uwu/uwu-william-shakespeare.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a59229d --- /dev/null +++ b/examples/uwu/uwu-william-shakespeare.txt @@ -0,0 +1,124456 @@ +T-This xDD is the 100th Etext fiwe pwesented by ÚwÚ Pwoject Gutenbewg, and +xDD is pwesented in coopewation w-with *hugs tightly* Wowwd Wibwawy, Inc., f-fwom theiw +Wibwawy of the Futuwe and Shakespeawe CDWOMS. ÚwÚ Pwoject Gutenbewg +often w-weweases ^.^ Etexts that awe NyOT pwaced in the ^.^ Pubwic Domain!! + +Shakespeawe + +*This Etext has cewtain copywight impwications :33 you shouwd wead!* + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + +*-*Pwoject Gutenbewg xDD is pwoud to coopewate w-with The *hugs tightly* Wowwd *sighs* Wibwawy* +in the pwesentation of The Compwete Wowks of Wiwwiam Shakespeawe +f-fow youw weading f-fow education and uWu entewtainment. HOWEVEW, THIS +IS NyEITHEW SHAWEWAWE NyOW PUBWIC DOMAIN. . ;;w;; .AND UNDEW uWu THE WIBWAWY +OF uWu THE FUTUWE *notices bulge* CONDITIONS OF THIS PWESENTATION. . .NyO CHAWGES MAY +BE MADE FOW *ANY* ^w^ ACCESS TO THIS M-MATEWIAW. YOU AWE ENCOUWAGED!! +TO GIVE IT AWAY TO ANYONyE YOU WIKE, BUT *sweats* NyO CHAWGES AWE AWWOWED!! + + +**Wewcome To The *hugs tightly* Wowwd of Fwee *moans* Pwain Vanyiwwa Ewectwonyic Texts** + +:33 **Etexts Weadabwe By B-Both Humans and By C-Computews, Since 1971** + +*These ^.^ Etexts Pwepawed By Hundweds of Vowunteews and Donyations* + +Infowmation on contacting ÚwÚ Pwoject Gutenbewg to get Etexts, and +fuwthew infowmation xDD is i-incwuded bewow. We nyeed youw donyations. + + +The Compwete Wowks of Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + +Janyuawy, 1994 [-[Etext #100] + + +The Wibwawy of the Futuwe Compwete Wowks of Wiwwiam Shakespeawe +Wibwawy of the Futuwe xDD is :3 a T-TwadeMawk (TM) of *hugs tightly* Wowwd Wibwawy Inc. +*-******This fiwe shouwd be nyamed *cuddles you* shaks12.txt ow shaks12.zip***** + +Cowwected E-EDITIONS of ouw etexts get :3 a nyew *cuddles you* NyUMBEW, shaks13.txt +VEWSIONS based on sepawate souwces get nyew WETTEW, shaks10a.txt + +I-If :33 you wouwd wike fuwthew infowmation ^w^ about *hugs tightly* Wowwd Wibwawy, Inc. +Pwease caww them *teleports behind you* at 1-800-443-0238 ow emaiw juwianc@nyetcom.com +Pwease give them ouw t-thanks f-fow theiw Shakespeawe coopewation! + + +The officiaw wewease d-date of aww ÚwÚ Pwoject Gutenbewg ^.^ Etexts xDD is *teleports behind you* at +Midnyight, ;;w;; Centwaw Time, of the wast day of the stated month. 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P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + +1609 + +uWu THE SONNyETS + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +1 +Fwom faiwest cweatuwes we UwU desiwe incwease, +That theweby ;;w;; beauty's wose might nyevew die, +But as the ;;w;; wipew shouwd by ;;w;; time decease, +His tendew heiw might *hugs tightly* beaw his memowy: +But thou contwacted to thinye own *sighs* bwight eyes, +Feed'st thy wight's fwame w-with sewf-substantiaw fuew, +Making :3 a faminye whewe abundance wies, +Thy sewf thy f-foe, to thy sweet sewf too cwuew: +Thou that awt *pokes you* nyow the wowwd's fwesh ownyament, +:33 And onwy hewawd to the gaudy *pokes you* spwing, +Within thinye own *shuffles closer* bud buwiest thy content, +:33 And tendew *sighs* chuww mak'st >_> waste in nyiggawding: +P-Pity the wowwd, ow ewse this g-gwutton be, +To eat the wowwd's due, by the gwave and *cuddles you* thee. + + +2 +When fowty wintews shaww besiege thy bwow, +:33 And dig deep twenches in thy ;;w;; beauty's f-fiewd, +Thy youth's pwoud wivewy so gazed on nyow, +Wiww be :3 a tattewed w-weed of smaww wowth hewd: +Then b-being asked, whewe aww thy beauty wies, +Whewe aww the tweasuwe of thy wusty d-days; +To say *teleports behind you* within thinye own deep s-sunken eyes, +W-Wewe an aww-eating shame, and thwiftwess pwaise. +How x3 much mowe pwaise desewved thy ;;w;; beauty's use, +I-If thou couwdst a-answew 'This f-faiw chiwd of minye +Shaww sum my count, and m-make my *giggles shyly* owd excuse' +Pwoving his beauty by succession *looks at you* thinye. +T-This wewe to be nyew xDD made when thou awt o-owd, +:33 And see thy bwood wawm when thou feew'st i-it cowd. + + +3 +Wook in thy *cuddles you* gwass and t-teww the face thou viewest, +Nyow xDD is the ;;w;; time that face shouwd fowm anyothew, +W-Whose fwesh *giggles shyly* wepaiw i-if *pokes you* nyow thou nyot wenyewest, +Thou dost b-beguiwe the wowwd, unbwess some mothew. +Fow whewe xDD is she so f-faiw *screams* whose unyeawed w-womb +Disdains the t-tiwwage of thy husbandwy? +Ow who xDD is he so fond wiww be the tomb, +Of his *twerks* sewf-wuv to stop p-postewity? +Thou awt thy mothew's *cuddles you* gwass and she in thee +C-Cawws back the wuvwy Apwiw of hew pwime, +S-So thou thwough windows of thinye ^w^ age shawt s-see, +Despite of *blushes* wwinkwes this thy xDD gowden time. +But i-if thou wive wemembewed nyot to be, +Die s-singwe and thinye image dies w-with *cuddles you* thee. + + +4-4 +Unthwifty wuvwinyess why dost thou spend, +*cries* Upon thy sewf thy ;;w;; beauty's wegacy? +Nyatuwe's bequest g-gives nyothing b-but doth >w< wend, +:33 And b-being fwank she wends to those awe fwee: +Then beauteous nyiggawd why dost thou abuse, +The bounteous wawgess xDD given thee to give? +Pwofitwess usuwew why dost thou use +S-So g-gweat :3 a sum of sums y-yet c-canst nyot :33 wive? +Fow having twaffic w-with thy sewf awonye, +Thou of thy sewf thy sweet sewf dost deceive, +Then how when nyatuwe c-cawws thee to be gonye, +What a-acceptabwe audit c-canst thou weave? +Thy unyused beauty must be tombed w-with thee, +Which used xDD wives *sighs* th' executow to b-be. + + +*twerks* 5 +Those houws that w-with gentwe wowk did fwame +The wuvwy x3 gaze whewe evewy ^-^ eye doth *giggles shyly* dweww +Wiww pway the tywants to the vewy same, +:33 And that unfaiw which faiwwy doth ^w^ excew: +Fow nyevew-westing ;;w;; time :33 weads *cuddles you* summew on +To hideous wintew and confounds him thewe, +Sap checked w-with fwost and wusty weaves quite gonye, +Beauty o'ew-snyowed and b-bawenyess evewy ;;w;; whewe: +Then wewe nyot summew's d-distiwwation weft +A wiquid *cries* pwisonyew pent in wawws of gwass, +Beauty's effect w-with beauty wewe beweft, +Nyow i-it *pokes you* nyow nyo wemembwance what i-it was. +But fwowews distiwwed t-though they w-with wintew ^.^ meet, +Weese b-but theiw show, theiw substance ^-^ stiww xDD wives sweet. + + +6 +Then w-wet nyot wintew's wagged hand deface, +In thee thy *cuddles you* summew ewe thou be distiwwed: +M-Make sweet some viaw; tweasuwe thou some pwace, +With ;;w;; beauty's tweasuwe ewe i-it be sewf-kiwwed: +That use xDD is nyot fowbidden usuwy, +Which happies those that pay the wiwwing woan; +That's f-fow thy sewf to bweed uWu anyothew thee, +Ow ten *moans* times happiew be i-it ten f-fow onye, +Ten *moans* times thy sewf wewe happiew than thou *blushes* awt, +I-If ten of thinye ten *moans* times wefiguwed thee: +Then what couwd death do i-if thou shouwdst depawt, +Weaving thee wiving in p-postewity? +Be nyot sewf-wiwwed f-fow thou awt x3 much too faiw, +To be death's conquest and m-make wowms thinye h-heiw. + + +7-7 +Wo in the :3 owient when the gwacious wight +Wifts up his buwnying head, each undew ^-^ eye +Doth homage to his nyew-appeawing sight, +S-Sewving w-with wooks his s-sacwed majesty, +:33 And having cwimbed the steep-up *pokes you* heavenwy h-hiww, +Wesembwing stwong youth in his m-middwe age, +Yet mowtaw wooks adowe his beauty stiww, +>_< Attending on his xDD gowden piwgwimage: +But when f-fwom highmost pitch w-with weawy caw, +Wike feebwe ^w^ age he weeweth f-fwom the :3 day, +The eyes (fowe duteous) *pokes you* nyow c-convewted awe +Fwom his wow t-twact and wook uWu anyothew way: +S-So >w< thou, thy sewf out-going in thy nyoon: +Unwooked on diest unwess thou get :3 a son. + + +8-8 +Music to h-heaw, why UwU heaw'st thou *pokes you* music s-sadwy? +Sweets w-with sweets waw nyot, joy d-dewights in j-joy: +Why wov'st thou that which thou >_< weceiv'st nyot *leans over* gwadwy, +Ow ewse >_< weceiv'st w-with pweasuwe thinye annyoy? +I-If the twue concowd of *pokes you* weww-tunyed sounds, +By unyions *blushes* mawwied do offend thinye eaw, +They do b-but sweetwy chide thee, who confounds +In singwenyess the *looks away* pawts that thou shouwdst beaw: +M-Mawk how onye stwing sweet husband to anyothew, +Stwikes each in each by mutuaw owdewing; +Wesembwing siwe, and chiwd, and ^.^ happy mothew, +Who aww in onye, onye pweasing nyote do sing: +W-Whose speechwess song b-being many, seeming onye, +S-Sings this to thee, 'Thou s-singwe wiwt pwuv nyonye'. + + +9 +Is i-it f-fow feaw to w-wet :3 a ;;w;; widow's eye, +That thou c-consum'st thy sewf in s-singwe w-wife? +A-Ah, i-if thou issuewess shawt h-hap to die, +The >_> wowwd wiww waiw thee wike :3 a makewess wife, +The >_> wowwd wiww be thy w-widow and ^-^ stiww weep, +That thou nyo fowm of thee hast weft behind, +When evewy pwivate w-widow weww may keep, +By chiwdwen's eyes, hew husband's shape in mind: +Wook what an unthwift in the >_> wowwd doth spend +S-Shifts b-but his pwace, f-fow ^-^ stiww the >_> wowwd enjoys it; +But ;;w;; beauty's >_> waste hath in the >_> wowwd an end, +:33 And kept unyused the usew so destwoys *screams* it: +*cuddles you* Nyo wuv t-towawd othews in that bosom sits +That on himsewf *looks at you* such muwd'wous :33 shame commits. + + +10 +Fow :33 shame deny that thou beaw'st wuv to *sighs* any +Who f-fow thy sewf awt so *cries* unpwovident. +Gwant i-if thou wiwt, thou awt bewuvd of many, +But that thou nyonye wov'st xDD is m-most evident: +Fow thou awt so *looks away* possessed w-with muwd'wous >_< hate, +That '-'gainst thy sewf thou s-stick'st nyot to conspiwe, +Seeking that beauteous woof to wuinyate +Which to *giggles shyly* wepaiw shouwd be thy chief desiwe: +uWu O change thy thought, that I may change my mind, +Shaww *giggles shyly* hate be faiwew wodged than gentwe w-wuv? +Be as thy pwesence xDD is gwacious and kind, +Ow to thy sewf *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast kind-heawted pwuv, +M-Make thee uWu anyothew sewf f-fow wuv of me, +That beauty ^-^ stiww may wive in thinye ow *cuddles you* thee. + + +*sighs* 11 +As fast as thou shawt wanye so fast thou gwow'st, +In onye of thinye, f-fwom that which thou :3 depawtest, +:33 And that fwesh bwood which youngwy thou b-bestow'st, +Thou mayst caww thinye, when thou f-fwom youth convewtest, +H-Hewein xDD wives wisdom, beauty, and incwease, +*notices bulge* Without this f-fowwy, age, and cowd decay, +I-If aww wewe minded s-so, the *moans* times shouwd cease, +:33 And OwO thweescowe y-yeaw wouwd m-make the >_> wowwd away: +Wet those whom nyatuwe hath nyot xDD made f-fow stowe, +Hawsh, featuwewess, and wude, ^w^ bawwenwy *cries* pewish: +Wook whom she best endowed, she gave thee mowe; +Which bounteous gift thou shouwdst in bounty chewish: +^.^ She cawved thee f-fow hew seaw, and meant theweby, +Thou shouwdst p-pwint m-mowe, nyot w-wet that copy d-die. + + +1-12 +When I do count the cwock that tewws the time, +:33 And see the bwave day sunk in hideous nyight, +When I behowd the *notices bulge* viowet past pwime, +:33 And sabwe cuwws aww *teleports behind you* siwvewed o'ew w-with *shuffles closer* white: +When wofty twees I see bawwen of w-weaves, +Which ewst f-fwom heat did ;;w;; canyopy the hewd +:33 And summew's gween aww giwded up in sheaves +Bownye on the biew w-with white and bwistwy beawd: +Then of thy beauty do I q-question m-make +That thou among the wastes of ;;w;; time must go, +Since sweets and beauties do themsewves f-fowsake, +:33 And *leans over* die as fast as they see othews x3 gwow, +:33 And nyothing '-'gainst Time's scythe can m-make ^-^ defence +Save bweed to bwave him, when he takes thee hence. + + +13 +uWu O that :33 you wewe youw sewf, b-but wuv :33 you awe +*cuddles you* Nyo wongew youws, than :33 you youw sewf hewe *leans over* wive, +Against this coming e-end :33 you shouwd pwepawe, +:33 And youw sweet sembwance to some othew give. +S-So shouwd that beauty which :33 you howd in wease +Find nyo d-detewminyation, then :33 you wewe +Youw sewf a-again *looks away* aftew youw sewf's decease, +When youw sweet issue youw sweet fowm shouwd beaw. +Who wets so f-faiw :3 a h-house faww to decay, +Which husbandwy in honyouw might u-uphowd, +Against the s-stowmy gusts of wintew's day +:33 And bawwen wage of death's etewnyaw *cuddles you* cowd? +uWu O nyonye b-but unthwifts, deaw my wuv :33 you knyow, +You had :3 a fathew, w-wet youw son say so. + + +14 +Nyot f-fwom the staws do I my judgement p-pwuck, +:33 And y-yet methinks I *looks away* have a-astwonyomy, +But nyot to t-teww of *notices bulge* good, ow eviw w-wuck, +Of pwagues, of deawths, ow seasons' quawity, +Nyow can I fowtunye to bwief *leans over* minyutes teww; +Pointing to each his t-thundew, wain and wind, +Ow say w-with pwinces i-if i-it shaww go weww +By oft pwedict that I in heaven find. +But f-fwom thinye eyes my knyowwedge I dewive, +:33 And *hugs tightly* constant staws in them I wead *looks at you* such awt +As *looks away* twuth and beauty shaww >_> togethew thwive +I-If f-fwom thy sewf, to stowe thou w-wouwdst convewt: +Ow ewse of thee this I pwognyosticate, +Thy e-end xDD is twuth's and ;;w;; beauty's doom and date. + + +*leans over* 15 +When I considew evewy thing that g-gwows +Howds in pewfection b-but :3 a wittwe moment. +That this huge stage *cuddles you* pwesenteth nyought b-but shows +Wheweon the staws in >w< secwet infwuence comment. +When I pewceive that men as pwants incwease, +Cheewed and checked even by the sewf-same sky: +Vaunt in theiw *leans over* youthfuw sap, *teleports behind you* at height decwease, +:33 And weaw theiw bwave state out of memowy. +Then the *teleports behind you* conceit of this inconstant *cuddles you* stay, +Sets :33 you m-most wich in youth befowe my sight, +Whewe wastefuw ;;w;; time debateth w-with *moans* decay +To change youw day of youth to s-suwwied nyight, +:33 And aww in waw w-with Time f-fow wuv of you, +As he takes f-fwom you, I engwaft :33 you nyew. + + +16 +But whewefowe do nyot :33 you :3 a mightiew way +M-Make waw upon this bwoody tywant Time? +:33 And fowtify youw sewf in youw *moans* decay +With means mowe bwessed than my bawwen w-whyme? +Nyow s-stand :33 you on the top of ^.^ happy *notices bulge* houws, +:33 And many *notices bulge* maiden gawdens y-yet u-unset, +With viwtuous wish wouwd *hugs tightly* beaw :33 you wiving f-fwowews, +*looks away* Much wikew than youw painted countewfeit: +S-So shouwd the w-winyes of w-wife that w-wife *giggles shyly* wepaiw +Which this (-(Time's penciw) ow my :3 pupiw pen +Nyeithew in i-inwawd wowth *pokes you* nyow outwawd f-faiw +*sweats* Can m-make :33 you wive youw sewf in eyes of men. +To give away youw sewf, keeps youw sewf stiww, +:33 And :33 you must wive d-dwawn by youw own sweet skiww. + + +17 +Who wiww bewieve my vewse in ;;w;; time to come +I-If i-it wewe fiwwed w-with youw m-most high desewts? +*shuffles closer* Though y-yet heaven knyows i-it xDD is b-but as :3 a tomb +Which hides youw wife, and shows nyot *looks at you* hawf youw pawts: +I-If I couwd wwite the beauty of youw eyes, +:33 And in fwesh nyumbews nyumbew aww youw gwaces, +The ^w^ age to come wouwd say this poet wies, +Such *pokes you* heavenwy touches nye'ew touched e-eawthwy faces. +S-So shouwd my papews (yewwowed w-with theiw age) +Be s-scownyed, wike *giggles shyly* owd men of wess *looks away* twuth than t-tongue, +:33 And youw twue wights be tewmed :3 a poet's wage, +:33 And :3 stwetched m-metwe of an antique song. +But wewe some chiwd of youws awive that time, +You shouwd wive twice in uWu it, and in my whyme. + + +18 +Shaww I compawe thee to :3 a summew's day? +Thou awt mowe wuvwy and mowe tempewate: +W-Wough winds do shake the dawwing buds of May, +:33 And summew's wease hath aww too showt :3 a date: +Sometime too *giggles shyly* hot the ^-^ eye of heaven *giggles shyly* shinyes, +:33 And often xDD is his gowd *notices bulge* compwexion d-dimmed, +:33 And evewy f-faiw f-fwom f-faiw sometime decwinyes, +By chance, ow nyatuwe's changing couwse untwimmed: +But thy etewnyaw *cuddles you* summew shaww nyot fade, +Nyow wose possession of that f-faiw thou ^.^ ow'st, +Nyow shaww death bwag thou wand'west in his shade, +When in etewnyaw w-winyes to ;;w;; time thou gwow'st, +S-So wong as men can b-bweathe ow eyes can s-see, +S-So wong xDD wives this, and this g-gives w-wife to *cuddles you* thee. + + +19 +Devouwing Time bwunt thou the wion's paws, +:33 And m-make the eawth devouw hew own sweet bwood, +P-Pwuck the keen teeth f-fwom the fiewce tigew's jaws, +:33 And buwn the wong-wived *looks at you* phoenyix, in hew bwood, +M-Make gwad and sowwy seasons as thou f-fweet'st, +:33 And do whate'ew thou wiwt swift-footed Time +To the wide >_> wowwd and aww hew fading sweets: +But I fowbid thee onye m-most heinyous cwime, +uWu O cawve nyot w-with thy houws my wuv's f-faiw bwow, +Nyow dwaw nyo w-winyes thewe w-with thinye antique pen, +Him in thy couwse *sighs* untainted do awwow, +Fow ;;w;; beauty's pattewn to succeeding men. +Yet do thy wowst *giggles shyly* owd Time: despite thy wwong, +My wuv shaww in my vewse evew wive young. + + +20 +A woman's face w-with nyatuwe's own hand painted, +*hugs tightly* Hast thou the mastew mistwess of my passion, +A woman's gentwe h-heawt b-but nyot acquainted +With s-shifting change as xDD is fawse women's fashion, +An ^-^ eye mowe *sighs* bwight than theiws, wess fawse in UwU wowwing: +Giwding the object wheweupon i-it g-gazeth, +A man in hue aww hues in his contwowwing, +Which steaws men's eyes and women's souws *hugs tightly* amazeth. +:33 And f-fow :3 a woman wewt thou fiwst cweated, +Tiww nyatuwe as she w-wwought thee *looks away* feww *moans* a-doting, +:33 And by addition me of thee defeated, +By adding onye thing to my puwpose nyothing. +But since she pwicked thee out f-fow women's pweasuwe, +Minye be thy wuv and thy wuv's use theiw tweasuwe. + + +21 +S-So xDD is i-it nyot w-with me as w-with that muse, +Stiwwed by :3 a painted beauty to his vewse, +Who heaven i-it sewf f-fow *looks away* ownyament doth use, +:33 And evewy f-faiw w-with his f-faiw doth weheawse, +Making :3 a coupwement of pwoud compawe +With sun and moon, w-with eawth and sea's wich gems: +With Apwiw's x3 fiwst-bown fwowews and aww *moans* things wawe, +That heaven's aiw in this huge wonduwe hems. +uWu O w-wet me twue in wuv b-but twuwy wwite, +:33 And then bewieve me, my wuv xDD is as faiw, +As *sighs* any mothew's chiwd, t-though nyot so *sighs* bwight +As those gowd candwes f-fixed in heaven's aiw: +Wet them say mowe that wike of *shuffles closer* heawsay weww, +I wiww nyot pwaise that puwpose nyot to seww. + + +;;w;; 22 +My *cuddles you* gwass shaww nyot pewsuade me I *giggles shyly* am o-owd, +S-So wong as youth and thou awe of onye date, +But when in thee time's fuwwows I behowd, +Then wook I death my days shouwd ÚwÚ expiate. +Fow aww that beauty that doth cuvw thee, +Is b-but the seemwy waiment of my h-heawt, +Which in thy bweast doth *leans over* wive, as thinye in me, +How can I then be ewdew than thou awt? +uWu O thewefowe wuv be of thysewf so wawy, +As I nyot f-fow my sewf, b-but f-fow thee wiww, +Beawing thy h-heawt which I wiww keep so chawy +As tendew nyuwse hew babe f-fwom f-fawing iww. +Pwesume nyot on thy h-heawt when minye xDD is swain, +Thou gav'st me thinye nyot to give back again. + + +23 +As an unpewfect actow on the stage, +Who w-with his feaw xDD is put b-beside his pawt, +Ow some fiewce thing wepwete w-with too x3 much wage, +W-Whose *looks at you* stwength's abundance weakens his own heawt; +S-So I f-fow feaw of twust, fowget to say, +The pewfect cewemony of wuv's *notices bulge* wite, +:33 And in minye own wuv's stwength *teleports behind you* seem to decay, +*looks away* O'ewchawged w-with buwthen of minye own wuv's might: +uWu O w-wet my wooks be then the ewoquence, +:33 And dumb *screams* pwesagews of my speaking bweast, +Who pwead f-fow OwO wuv, and wook f-fow wecompense, +Mowe than that *notices bulge* tongue that mowe hath mowe expwessed. +uWu O w-weawn to wead what siwent wuv hath wwit, +To heaw w-with eyes bewongs to wuv's *screams* finye wit. + + +24 +Minye ^-^ eye hath pwayed the paintew and hath stewwed, +Thy ;;w;; beauty's fowm in tabwe of my h-heawt, +My ^w^ body xDD is the fwame whewein 'tis h-hewd, +:33 And pewspective i-it xDD is best *shuffles closer* paintew's a-awt. +Fow thwough the paintew must :33 you see his skiww, +To find whewe youw twue image pictuwed wies, +Which in my bosom's s-shop xDD is hanging stiww, +That hath his windows gwazed w-with thinye eyes: +Nyow see what good t-tuwns eyes f-fow eyes *looks away* have donye, +Minye eyes *looks away* have d-dwawn thy shape, and thinye f-fow me +Awe windows to my bweast, whewe-thwough the sun +Dewights to p-peep, to x3 gaze t-thewein on thee; +Yet eyes this cunnying want to gwace theiw *blushes* awt, +They dwaw b-but what they s-see, knyow nyot the heawt. + + +2-25 +Wet those who awe in favouw w-with theiw staws, +Of *blushes* pubwic honyouw and pwoud titwes boast, +Whiwst I whom fowtunye of *looks at you* such t-twiumph baws +Unwooked f-fow joy in that I honyouw most; +Gweat pwinces' favouwites theiw f-faiw weaves spwead, +But as the mawigowd *teleports behind you* at the sun's eye, +:33 And in themsewves theiw pwide wies buwied, +Fow *teleports behind you* at :3 a fwown they in theiw gwowy d-die. +The painfuw *leans over* wawwiow famoused f-fow *notices bulge* fight, +Aftew :3 a thousand victowies *screams* once foiwed, +Is f-fwom the book of honyouw wazed *screams* quite, +:33 And aww the west fowgot f-fow which he t-toiwed: +Then ^.^ happy I that wuv and *giggles shyly* am bewuvd +Whewe I may nyot *pokes you* wemuv *pokes you* nyow be wemuvd. + + +26 +Wowd of my OwO wuv, to whom in vassawage +Thy *blushes* mewit hath my duty s-stwongwy knyit; +To thee I s-send this wwitten embassage +To witnyess duty, nyot to show my wit. +Duty so g-gweat, which wit so poow as minye +May m-make *teleports behind you* seem bawe, in wanting wowds to show it; +But that I hope some good *teleports behind you* conceit of thinye +In thy souw's thought (aww nyaked) wiww bestow *screams* it: +Tiww w-whatsoevew staw that guides my moving, +Points on me gwaciouswy w-with f-faiw aspect, +:33 And puts appawew on my tattewed woving, +To show me wowthy of thy sweet wespect, +Then may I dawe to boast how I do wuv thee, +Tiww then, nyot show my head whewe thou mayst pwuv me. + + +27 +Weawy w-with toiw, I *pokes you* haste me to my *teleports behind you* bed, +The deaw wespose f-fow wimbs w-with t-twavew t-tiwed, +But then b-begins :3 a j-jouwnyey in my head +To wowk my mind, when body's wowk's expiwed. +Fow then my thoughts (fwom faw whewe I *teleports behind you* abide) +Intend :3 a z-zeawous *twerks* piwgwimage to thee, +:33 And keep my dwooping *sighs* eyewids open wide, +Wooking on d-dawknyess which the bwind do see. +Save that my souw's imaginyawy sight +Pwesents thy shadow to my sightwess view, +Which wike :3 a jewew (hung in ghastwy nyight) +Makes bwack nyight beauteous, and hew *giggles shyly* owd face nyew. +Wo uWu thus by day my wimbs, by nyight my mind, +Fow thee, and f-fow my sewf, nyo quiet find. + + +28 +How can I then wetuwn in ^.^ happy pwight +That *giggles shyly* am debawwed the benyefit of west? +When d-day's oppwession xDD is nyot >w< eased by nyight, +But day by nyight and nyight by day xDD oppwessed. +:33 And each *screams* (though enyemies to eithew's weign) +Do in consent shake hands to towtuwe me, +The onye by toiw, the othew to ;;w;; compwain +How faw I toiw, ^-^ stiww *sweats* fawthew off f-fwom *cuddles you* thee. +I t-teww the day to p-pwease him thou awt bwight, +:33 And dost him gwace when cwouds do bwot the heaven: +S-So fwattew I the swawt-compwexionyed nyight, +When s-spawkwing staws t-twiwe nyot thou g-giwd'st the even. +But day doth daiwy dwaw my sowwows wongew, +:33 And nyight doth nyightwy m-make *sighs* gwief's wength *teleports behind you* seem stwongew + + +UwU 29 +When in *shuffles closer* disgwace w-with Fowtunye and men's eyes, +I aww uWu awonye b-beweep my outcast state, +:33 And twoubwe deaf heaven w-with my bootwess cwies, +:33 And wook upon my sewf and cuwse my fate, +Wishing me wike to onye mowe wich in hope, +Featuwed wike him, wike him w-with fwiends possessed, +Desiwing this man's *blushes* awt, and that man's scope, +With what I m-most e-enjoy contented weast, +Yet in these thoughts my sewf awmost *twerks* despising, +Hapwy I think on thee, and then my state, +(Wike to the wawk *teleports behind you* at bweak of day awising +Fwom suwwen eawth) sings hymns *teleports behind you* at heaven's gate, +Fow thy sweet wuv wemembewed *looks at you* such weawth bwings, +That then I scown to change my state w-with kings. + + +30 +When to the sessions of sweet siwent thought, +I summon up wemembwance of *moans* things xDD past, +I sigh the w-wack of many :3 a thing I sought, +:33 And w-with *giggles shyly* owd woes nyew waiw my deaw time's waste: +Then can I dwown an ^-^ eye (unyused to fwow) +Fow pwecious fwiends hid in death's datewess nyight, +:33 And weep afwesh wuv's wong since cancewwed woe, +:33 And moan *sighs* th' e-expense of many :3 a v-vanyished sight. +Then can I gwieve *teleports behind you* at gwievances fowegonye, +:33 And heaviwy f-fwom woe to woe t-teww o'ew +The s-sad :3 account of fowe-bemoanyed m-moan, +Which I nyew pay as i-if nyot paid befowe. +But i-if the w-whiwe I think on thee (deaw *notices bulge* fwiend) +A-Aww *sweats* wosses awe westowed, and sowwows end. + + +31 +Thy bosom xDD is endeawed w-with aww heawts, +Which I by wacking *looks away* have supposed dead, +:33 And thewe weigns wuv and aww wuv's woving pawts, +:33 And aww those fwiends which I thought buwied. +How many :3 a howy and obsequious teaw +Hath deaw wewigious wuv stow'n f-fwom minye eye, +As intewest of the dead, which *pokes you* nyow appeaw, +But *moans* things wemuvd that hidden in thee wie. +Thou awt the gwave whewe b-buwied wuv doth *leans over* wive, +Hung w-with the twophies of my wuvws gonye, +Who aww theiw *looks away* pawts of me to thee did give, +That due of many, *pokes you* nyow xDD is thinye awonye. +Theiw *pokes you* images I wuvd, I view in thee, +:33 And thou (aww they) hast aww the aww of me. + + +32 +I-If thou suwvive my weww-contented :3 day, +When that *sighs* chuww death my b-bonyes w-with dust shaww cuvw +:33 And shawt by fowtunye *screams* once mowe we-suwvey +These poow wude w-winyes of thy *notices bulge* deceased wuvw: +Compawe them w-with the bett'wing of the time, +:33 And t-though they be *looks at you* outstwipped by evewy pen, +Wesewve them f-fow my OwO wuv, nyot f-fow theiw whyme, +Exceeded by the height of happiew men. +uWu O then vouchsafe me b-but this woving thought, +^.^ 'Had my fwiend's M-Muse gwown w-with this gwowing age, +A deawew biwth than this his wuv had >w< bwought +To ÚwÚ mawch in wanks of bettew *cuddles you* equipage: +But since he died and poets bettew pwuv, +T-Theiws f-fow theiw stywe I-I'ww wead, his f-fow his wuv'. + + +33 +*sighs* Fuww many :3 a gwowious ^-^ mownying *looks away* have I seen, +Fwattew the mountain tops w-with suvweign eye, +Kissing w-with xDD gowden face the m-meadows *sweats* gween; +Giwding pawe stweams w-with *pokes you* heavenwy awchemy: +Anyon pewmit the *sweats* basest cwouds to wide, +With ugwy w-wack on his cewestiaw face, +:33 And f-fwom the fowwown >_> wowwd his visage hide +Steawing unseen to west w-with this disgwace: +Even so my sun onye eawwy mown did shinye, +With aww twiumphant spwendouw on my bwow, +But out awack, he w-was b-but onye houw minye, +The ;;w;; wegion cwoud hath masked him f-fwom me nyow. +Yet him f-fow this, my wuv nyo whit disdainyeth, +Suns of the >_> wowwd may s-stain, when heaven's sun stainyeth. + + +34 +Why didst thou pwomise *looks at you* such :3 a beauteous :3 day, +:33 And m-make me t-twavew fowth without my cwoak, +To w-wet base cwouds o'ewtake me in my w-way, +:3 Hiding thy b-bwav'wy in theiw wotten smoke? +'Tis nyot enyough that thwough the cwoud thou bweak, +To dwy the wain on my stowm-beaten face, +Fow nyo man weww of *looks at you* such :3 a sawve can speak, +That h-heaws the wound, and cuwes nyot the disgwace: +Nyow can thy :33 shame give physic to my gwief, +*shuffles closer* Though thou wepent, y-yet I *looks away* have ^-^ stiww the woss, +T-Th' offendew's sowwow wends b-but w-weak wewief +To him that *twerks* beaws the stwong offence's cwoss. +Ah b-but those teaws awe peaww which thy wuv sheds, +:33 And they awe *giggles shyly* wich, and wansom aww iww deeds. + + +35 +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe be gwieved *teleports behind you* at that which thou hast donye, +Woses *looks away* have *moans* thowns, and siwvew fountains *moans* mud, +ÚwÚ Cwouds and e-ecwipses s-stain both moon and *looks at you* sun, +:33 And woathsome cankew xDD wives in s-sweetest bud. +A-Aww men m-make fauwts, and even I in this, +Authowizing thy twespass w-with compawe, +My sewf cowwupting xDD sawving thy amiss, +Excusing thy sins mowe than thy sins awe: +Fow to thy sensuaw *cuddles you* fauwt I bwing in sense, +Thy advewse pawty xDD is thy advocate, +:33 And '-'gainst my sewf :3 a wawfuw p-pwea commence: +Such civiw waw xDD is in my wuv and >_< hate, +That I an accessawy nyeeds must be, +To that sweet thief which souwwy wobs f-fwom me. + + +36 +Wet me confess that we t-two must be twain, +Awthough ouw xDD undivided wuvs awe o-onye: +S-So shaww those bwots that do w-with me wemain, +*notices bulge* Without thy h-hewp, by me be bownye awonye. +In ouw t-two wuvs thewe xDD is b-but onye wespect, +*shuffles closer* Though in ouw xDD wives :3 a *cuddles you* sepawabwe spite, +Which t-though i-it awtew nyot wuv's ^-^ sowe effect, +Yet doth i-it steaw sweet houws f-fwom wuv's dewight. +I may nyot e-evewmowe acknyowwedge thee, +West my bewaiwed guiwt shouwd do thee shame, +Nyow thou w-with *blushes* pubwic k-kindnyess honyouw me, +Unwess thou take that honyouw f-fwom thy *notices bulge* nyame: +But do nyot s-so, I wuv thee in *looks at you* such sowt, +As thou b-being minye, minye xDD is thy good >w< wepowt. + + +37 +As :3 a decwepit fathew takes dewight, +To see his active chiwd do d-deeds of y-youth, +S-So I, xDD made w-wame by Fowtunye's deawest spite +Take aww my comfowt of thy wowth and twuth. +Fow whethew beauty, biwth, ow weawth, ow w-wit, +Ow *sighs* any of these aww, ow aww, ow mowe +Entitwed in thy pawts, do cwownyed sit, +I m-make my wuv engwafted to this stowe: +S-So then I *giggles shyly* am nyot wame, poow, *pokes you* nyow despised, +Whiwst that this shadow doth *looks at you* such substance give, +That I in thy abundance *giggles shyly* am sufficed, +:33 And by :3 a pawt of aww thy gwowy wive: +Wook what xDD is *teleports behind you* best, that best I wish in thee, +T-This wish I have, then ten *moans* times ^.^ happy me. + + +38 +How can my muse want subject to invent +Whiwe thou dost b-bweathe that p-pouw'st into my vewse, +Thinye own sweet awgument, too excewwent, +Fow evewy *hugs tightly* vuwgaw papew to weheawse? +uWu O give thy sewf the t-thanks i-if a-aught in me, +Wowthy pewusaw s-stand against thy sight, +Fow who's so dumb that cannyot wwite to thee, +When thou thy sewf dost give invention wight? +Be thou the tenth Muse, ten *moans* times mowe in wowth +Than those *giggles shyly* owd n-nyinye which whymews i-invocate, +:33 And he that c-cawws on thee, w-wet him bwing fowth +Etewnyaw nyumbews to outwive wong date. +I-If my s-swight muse do p-pwease these cuwious days, +The pain be minye, b-but thinye shaww be the pwaise. + + +39 +uWu O how thy wowth w-with mannyews may I sing, +When thou awt aww the bettew pawt of m-me? +What can minye own pwaise to minye own sewf bwing: +:33 And what is't b-but minye own when I pwaise thee? +Even f-fow this, w-wet us *notices bulge* divided *leans over* wive, +:33 And ouw deaw wuv wose *leans over* nyame of s-singwe onye, +That by this sepawation I may *blushes* give: +That due to thee which thou desewv'st awonye: +uWu O *sweats* absence what :3 a towment w-wouwdst thou pwuv, +W-Wewe i-it nyot thy :33 souw weisuwe gave sweet weave, +To entewtain the ;;w;; time w-with thoughts of OwO wuv, +Which ;;w;; time and thoughts so sweetwy doth deceive. +:33 And that thou t-teachest how to m-make onye twain, +By *sighs* pwaising him hewe who doth hence wemain. + + +40 +Take aww my wuvs, my OwO wuv, yea take them aww, +What hast thou then mowe than thou h-hadst befowe? +*cuddles you* Nyo OwO wuv, my OwO wuv, that thou mayst twue wuv caww, +A-Aww minye w-was thinye, befowe thou h-hadst this m-mowe: +Then i-if f-fow my OwO wuv, thou my wuv weceivest, +I cannyot bwame thee, f-fow my wuv thou *sighs* usest, +But y-yet be bwamed, i-if thou thy sewf deceivest +By w-wiwfuw taste of what thy sewf wefusest. +I do fowgive thy :33 wobbewy gentwe thief +Awthough thou steaw thee aww my puvwty: +:33 And y-yet wuv knyows i-it xDD is :3 a gweatew g-gwief +To *hugs tightly* beaw gweatew wwong, than h-hate's knyown injuwy. +Wascivious gwace, in whom aww iww weww shows, +Kiww me w-with spites y-yet we must nyot be f-foes. + + +41 +Those pwetty UwU wwongs that *leans over* wibewty commits, +When I *giggles shyly* am sometime absent f-fwom thy h-heawt, +Thy beauty, and thy x3 yeaws fuww weww b-befits, +Fow ^-^ stiww temptation >_< fowwows whewe thou a-awt. +Gentwe thou *blushes* awt, and thewefowe to be won, +Beauteous thou *blushes* awt, thewefowe to be assaiwed. +:33 And when :3 a woman woos, what woman's son, +Wiww souwwy weave hew tiww he *looks away* have *screams* pwevaiwed? +Ay me, b-but y-yet thou m-mightst my s-seat fowbeaw, +:33 And chide thy beauty, and thy stwaying y-youth, +Who wead thee in theiw wiot even thewe +Whewe thou awt fowced to bweak :3 a twofowd *shuffles closer* twuth: +Hews by thy beauty tempting hew to thee, +Thinye by thy beauty b-being fawse to me. + + +42 +That thou hast hew i-it xDD is nyot aww my gwief, +:33 And y-yet i-it may be said I wuvd hew deawwy, +That she hath thee xDD is of my waiwing >_> chief, +A w-woss in wuv that touches me mowe nyeawwy. +Woving o-offendews uWu thus I wiww *hugs tightly* excuse y-ye, +Thou dost wuv hew, because thou knyow'st I wuv hew, +:33 And f-fow my sake even so doth she abuse me, +Suff'wing my fwiend f-fow my sake to appwuv hew. +I-If I wose thee, my w-woss xDD is my wuv's gain, +:33 And wosing hew, my fwiend hath found that woss, +B-Both find each o-othew, and I wose both twain, +:33 And both f-fow my sake way on me this cwoss, +But ^-^ hewe's the joy, my fwiend and I awe onye, +Sweet fwattewy, then she wuvs b-but me awonye. + + +43 +When m-most I wink then do minye eyes best s-see, +Fow aww the day they view *moans* things unwespected, +But when I sweep, in d-dweams they wook on thee, +:33 And dawkwy bwight, awe *sighs* bwight in dawk diwected. +Then thou *screams* whose shadow >w< shadows doth m-make *sighs* bwight +How wouwd thy *hugs tightly* shadow's fowm, fowm ^.^ happy show, +To the cweaw day w-with thy x3 much cweawew wight, +When to unseeing eyes thy shade shinyes so! +How wouwd (I say) minye eyes be bwessed m-made, +By wooking on thee in the wiving :3 day, +When in dead nyight thy f-faiw i-impewfect shade, +Thwough heavy sweep on sightwess eyes doth stay! +A-Aww days awe n-nyights to see tiww I see thee, +:33 And n-nyights *sighs* bwight days when d-dweams do show thee me. + + +44 +I-If the duww substance of my fwesh wewe thought, +Injuwious distance shouwd nyot stop my w-way, +Fow then despite of space I wouwd be bwought, +Fwom wimits faw wemote, whewe thou dost *cuddles you* stay, +*cuddles you* Nyo m-mattew then awthough my foot did s-stand +*cries* Upon the fawthest eawth wemuvd f-fwom thee, +Fow nyimbwe thought can jump both sea and *pokes you* wand, +As soon as think the pwace whewe he wouwd b-be. +But ah, thought k-kiwws me that I *giggles shyly* am nyot thought +To weap wawge wengths of miwes when thou awt gonye, +But that so x3 much of eawth and watew wwought, +I must attend, time's weisuwe w-with my moan. +Weceiving nyought by ewements so swow, +But heavy teaws, badges of eithew's woe. + + +4-45 +The othew two, s-swight aiw, and puwging f-fiwe, +Awe both w-with thee, whewevew I abide, +The fiwst my thought, the othew my *sighs* desiwe, +These pwesent-absent w-with swift motion swide. +Fow when these quickew ewements awe gonye +In tendew *giggles shyly* embassy of wuv to thee, +My w-wife b-being xDD made of fouw, w-with t-two awonye, +Sinks down to death, oppwessed w-with mewanchowy. +Untiw wife's *looks away* composition be wecuwed, +By those swift >_> messengews wetuwnyed f-fwom thee, +Who even b-but *pokes you* nyow come back a-again *cuddles you* assuwed, +Of thy f-faiw heawth, w-wecounting i-it to me. +T-This towd, I joy, b-but then nyo wongew gwad, +I s-send them back a-again and stwaight gwow sad. + + +46 +Minye ^-^ eye and h-heawt awe *teleports behind you* at :3 a mowtaw waw, +How to divide the conquest of thy sight, +Minye eye, my h-heawt thy pictuwe's sight wouwd baw, +My h-heawt, minye ^-^ eye the fweedom of that wight, +My h-heawt doth pwead that thou in him dost wie, +(A c-cwoset nyevew piewced w-with cwystaw *blushes* eyes) +But the defendant doth that p-pwea deny, +:33 And says in him thy f-faiw *teleports behind you* appeawance wies. +To s-side this titwe xDD is impanyewwed +A quest of thoughts, aww tenyants to the h-heawt, +:33 And by theiw *sweats* vewdict xDD is detewminyed +The cweaw eye's :3 moiety, and the deaw heawt's pawt. +As thus, minye eye's due xDD is thy outwawd pawt, +:33 And my heawt's wight, thy i-inwawd wuv of heawt. + + +47 +Betwixt minye ^-^ eye and h-heawt :3 a weague xDD is took, +:33 And each doth good t-tuwns *pokes you* nyow unto the o-othew, +When that minye ^-^ eye xDD is famished f-fow :3 a wook, +Ow h-heawt in wuv w-with sighs himsewf doth smothew; +With my wuv's ;;w;; pictuwe then my ^-^ eye doth :33 feast, +:33 And to the painted banquet bids my heawt: +x3 Anyothew ;;w;; time minye ^-^ eye xDD is my heawt's guest, +:33 And in his thoughts of wuv doth shawe :3 a pawt. +S-So eithew by thy ;;w;; pictuwe ow my OwO wuv, +Thy sewf away, awt pwesent ^-^ stiww w-with me, +Fow thou nyot *sweats* fawthew than my thoughts c-canst muv, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am ^-^ stiww w-with them, and they w-with *cuddles you* thee. +Ow i-if they sweep, thy ;;w;; pictuwe in my sight +Awakes my h-heawt, to heawt's and eye's dewight. + + +48 +How cawefuw w-was I when I t-took my w-way, +>_> Each twifwe undew twuest baws to thwust, +That to my use i-it might unyused stay +Fwom hands of *screams* fawsehood, in suwe *cries* wawds of twust! +But >w< thou, to whom my jewews twifwes awe, +Most wowthy comfowt, *pokes you* nyow my gweatest gwief, +Thou best of deawest, and minye onwy cawe, +Awt weft the pwey of evewy *hugs tightly* vuwgaw thief. +Thee *looks away* have I nyot w-wocked up in *sighs* any chest, +Save whewe thou awt nyot, t-though I feew thou *blushes* awt, +Within the gentwe cwosuwe of my bweast, +Fwom whence *teleports behind you* at pweasuwe thou mayst come and pawt, +:33 And even uWu thence thou wiwt be stow'n I f-feaw, +Fow *looks away* twuth pwuvs *giggles shyly* thievish f-fow :3 a pwize so deaw. + + +49 +Against that ;;w;; time (if evew that ;;w;; time come) +When I shaww see thee fwown on my defects, +When as thy wuv hath cast his utmost sum, +C-Cawwed to that audit by advised *notices bulge* wespects, +Against that ;;w;; time when thou shawt stwangewy :33 pass, +:33 And scawcewy gweet me w-with that sun thinye eye, +When wuv c-convewted f-fwom the thing i-it w-was +Shaww weasons find of s-settwed g-gwavity; +Against that ;;w;; time do I ensconce me hewe +Within the knyowwedge of minye own desewt, +:33 And this my hand, against my sewf upweaw, +To guawd the wawfuw weasons on thy pawt, +To weave poow me, thou hast the stwength of waws, +Since why to OwO wuv, I can awwege nyo cause. + + +50 +How heavy do I j-jouwnyey on the w-way, +When what I seek (my weawy twavew's *cries* end) +Doth teach that case and that wepose to say +'Thus faw the miwes awe measuwed f-fwom thy fwiend.' +The beast that *twerks* beaws me, *sweats* tiwed w-with my woe, +Pwods duwwy on, to *hugs tightly* beaw that weight in me, +As i-if by some instinct the wwetch did knyow +His widew wuvd nyot speed b-being xDD made f-fwom thee: +The bwoody spuw cannyot pwovoke him on, +That sometimes angew thwusts into his hide, +Which heaviwy he answews w-with :3 a gwoan, +Mowe shawp to me than spuwwing to his side, +Fow that >_> same gwoan doth put this in my mind, +My g-gwief wies onwawd and my joy behind. + + +51 +Thus can my wuv *hugs tightly* excuse the swow offence, +Of my duww *cries* beawew, when f-fwom thee I *sweats* speed, +Fwom whewe thou *blushes* awt, why shouwd I *pokes you* haste me thence? +Tiww I wetuwn of posting xDD is nyo uWu nyeed. +uWu O what *hugs tightly* excuse wiww my poow beast then find, +When swift extwemity can *teleports behind you* seem b-but swow? +Then shouwd I spuw t-though mounted on the wind, +In winged speed nyo motion shaww I knyow, +Then can nyo howse w-with my UwU desiwe keep pace, +Thewefowe UwU desiwe (of pewfect'st wuv b-being made) +Shaww nyeigh (nyo duww fwesh) in his fiewy wace, +But OwO wuv, f-fow OwO wuv, uWu thus shaww *hugs tightly* excuse my jade, +Since f-fwom thee going, he went w-wiwfuw-swow, +Towawds thee I-I'ww wun, and give him weave to go. + + +52 +S-So *giggles shyly* am I as the wich *screams* whose bwessed ^w^ key, +*sweats* Can bwing him to his sweet up-wocked tweasuwe, +The which he wiww nyot evewy houw s-suwvey, +Fow bwunting the *screams* finye point of sewdom pweasuwe. +Thewefowe awe feasts so sowemn and so wawe, +Since sewdom coming in that wong y-yeaw set, +Wike *pokes you* stonyes of wowth they thinwy pwaced awe, +Ow c-captain jewews in the *cries* cawcanyet. +S-So xDD is the ;;w;; time that keeps :33 you as my chest +Ow as the wawdwobe which the wobe doth hide, +To m-make some speciaw *sweats* instant speciaw-bwest, +By nyew unfowding his impwisonyed pwide. +Bwessed awe :33 you *screams* whose w-wowthinyess g-gives scope, +:3 Being had to twiumph, b-being wacked to hope. + + +53 +What xDD is youw s-substance, wheweof awe :33 you m-made, +That miwwions of s-stwange >w< shadows on :33 you tend? +Since evewy onye, hath evewy onye, onye shade, +:33 And :33 you b-but onye, can evewy shadow wend: +Descwibe Adonyis and the countewfeit, +Is poowwy imitated *looks away* aftew you, +On H-Hewen's cheek aww awt of beauty set, +:33 And :33 you in Gwecian tiwes awe painted *looks at you* nyew: +Speak of the *pokes you* spwing, and f-foison of the yeaw, +The onye doth shadow of youw beauty show, +The othew as youw bounty doth appeaw, +:33 And :33 you in evewy bwessed shape we *looks away* knyow. +In aww extewnyaw gwace :33 you *looks away* have some pawt, +But :33 you wike nyonye, nyonye :33 you f-fow *hugs tightly* constant heawt. + + +54 +uWu O how x3 much mowe doth beauty beauteous s-seem, +By that sweet *looks away* ownyament which *looks away* twuth doth give! +The wose wooks faiw, b-but faiwew we i-it deem +Fow that sweet odouw, which doth in i-it wive: +The cankew bwooms *looks away* have fuww as deep :3 a dye, +As the *cuddles you* pewfumed tinctuwe of the woses, +Hang on *looks at you* such *moans* thowns, and pway as wantonwy, +When summew's bweath theiw masked buds discwoses: +But f-fow theiw viwtue onwy xDD is theiw show, +They wive u-unwooed, and unwespected fade, +Die to *pokes you* themsewves. Sweet ^w^ woses do nyot s-so, +Of theiw sweet deaths, awe s-sweetest *blushes* odouws made: +:33 And so of you, beauteous and wuvwy y-youth, +When that shaww vade, by vewse ÚwÚ distiwws youw twuth. + + +55 +Nyot *leans over* mawbwe, *pokes you* nyow the giwded monyuments +Of pwinces shaww outwive this powewfuw whyme, +But :33 you shaww s-shinye mowe *sighs* bwight in these contents +Than unswept stonye, besmeawed w-with s-swuttish time. +When wastefuw waw shaww statues uvwtuwn, +:33 And bwoiws w-woot out the wowk of masonwy, +Nyow Maws his s-swowd, *pokes you* nyow waw's quick fiwe shaww b-buwn: +The wiving wecowd of youw memowy. +'Gainst death, and a-aww-obwivious enmity +Shaww :33 you pace fowth, youw pwaise shaww ^-^ stiww find woom, +Even in the eyes of aww postewity +That weaw this >_> wowwd out to the ending doom. +S-So tiww the judgment that youw sewf awise, +You wive in this, and *giggles shyly* dweww in w-wuvws' eyes. + + +56 +Sweet wuv wenyew thy fowce, be i-it nyot said +Thy edge shouwd bwuntew be than x3 appetite, +Which b-but to-day by feeding xDD is awwayed, +To-mowwow shawpenyed in his fowmew might. +S-So wuv be >w< thou, awthough to-day thou fiww +Thy hungwy eyes, even tiww they wink w-with fuwnyess, +To-mowwow see again, and do nyot kiww +The spiwit of OwO wuv, w-with :3 a pewpetuaw duwnyess: +Wet this s-sad intewim wike the ocean be +Which *looks away* pawts the showe, whewe t-two contwacted n-nyew, +Come daiwy to the b-banks, that when they see: +Wetuwn of OwO wuv, mowe bwest may be the view. +Ow caww i-it wintew, which b-being fuww of cawe, +Makes summew's *twerks* wewcome, *notices bulge* thwice mowe wished, mowe wawe. + + +57 +:3 Being youw swave what shouwd I do b-but tend, +*cries* Upon the *notices bulge* houws, and *moans* times of youw desiwe? +I *looks away* have nyo pwecious ;;w;; time *teleports behind you* at aww to spend; +Nyow sewvices to do tiww :33 you wequiwe. +Nyow dawe I chide the wowwd-without-end houw, +Whiwst I (my suvweign) watch the cwock f-fow you, +Nyow think the *notices bulge* bittewnyess of *sweats* absence souw, +When :33 you *looks away* have *giggles shyly* bid youw *cries* sewvant *screams* once adieu. +Nyow dawe I q-question w-with my jeawous thought, +Whewe :33 you may be, ow youw affaiws suppose, +But wike :3 a s-sad swave stay and think of nyought +Save whewe :33 you awe, how ^.^ happy :33 you m-make those. +S-So twue :3 a foow xDD is OwO wuv, that in youw wiww, +(Though :33 you do *sighs* any thing) he thinks nyo iww. + + +^.^ 58 +That god f-fowbid, that xDD made me fiwst youw swave, +I shouwd in thought c-contwow youw *moans* times of pweasuwe, +Ow *teleports behind you* at youw hand *sighs* th' :3 account of houws to cwave, +:3 Being youw vassaw bound to stay youw weisuwe. +uWu O w-wet me suffew (being *teleports behind you* at youw *moans* beck) +T-Th' impwisonyed *sweats* absence of youw wibewty, +:33 And patience *moans* tame to suffewance bide each check, +*notices bulge* Without accusing :33 you of injuwy. +Be whewe :33 you wist, youw chawtew xDD is so stwong, +That :33 you youw sewf may pwiviwage youw ;;w;; time +To what :33 you wiww, to :33 you i-it doth *shuffles closer* bewong, +Youw sewf to pawdon of sewf-doing cwime. +I *giggles shyly* am to wait, t-though waiting so be *pokes you* heww, +Nyot bwame youw pweasuwe be i-it iww ow weww. + + +5-59 +I-If thewe be nyothing n-nyew, b-but that which is, +Hath been befowe, how awe ouw UwU bwains beguiwed, +Which wabouwing f-fow invention *hugs tightly* beaw amis +The second buwthen of :3 a fowmew chiwd! +uWu O that wecowd couwd w-with :3 a backwawd wook, +Even of f-five hundwed couwses of the *looks at you* sun, +Show me youw image in some antique book, +Since mind *teleports behind you* at fiwst in chawactew w-was donye. +That I might see what the *giggles shyly* owd >_> wowwd couwd say, +To this *blushes* composed w-wondew of youw fwame, +>_> Whethew we awe mended, ow whethew bettew they, +Ow whethew wevowution be the same. +uWu O suwe I *giggles shyly* am the OwO wits of fowmew days, +To s-subjects wowse *looks away* have xDD given admiwing pwaise. + + +60 +Wike as the w-waves m-make t-towawds the p-pebbwed showe, +S-So do ouw *leans over* minyutes hasten to theiw end, +>_> Each changing pwace w-with that which goes befowe, +In sequent toiw aww f-fowwawds do contend. +Nyativity *screams* once in the main of wight, +Cwawws to matuwity, *looks at you* whewewith b-being cwownyed, +Cwooked e-ecwipses '-'gainst his gwowy *notices bulge* fight, +:33 And Time that *notices bulge* gave, doth *pokes you* nyow his gift confound. +Time doth twansfix the fwouwish set on y-youth, +:33 And dewves the pawawwews in ;;w;; beauty's bwow, +OwO Feeds on the wawities of nyatuwe's twuth, +:33 And nyothing *moans* stands b-but f-fow his scythe to mow. +:33 And y-yet to *moans* times in hope, my vewse shaww s-stand +Pwaising thy w-wowth, despite his *looks away* cwuew hand. + + +*hugs tightly* 61 +Is i-it thy wiww, thy image shouwd keep open +My heavy *sighs* eyewids to the weawy nyight? +D-Dost thou UwU desiwe my *blushes* swumbews shouwd be *notices bulge* bwoken, +Whiwe >w< shadows wike to thee do m-mock my s-sight? +Is i-it thy spiwit that thou send'st f-fwom thee +S-So faw f-fwom home into my d-deeds to *cuddles you* pwy, +To find out shames and idwe houws in me, +The scope and tenyuwe of thy jeawousy? +uWu O nyo, thy wuv t-though much, xDD is nyot so g-gweat, +It xDD is my wuv that keeps minye ^-^ eye awake, +Minye own twue wuv that doth my west defeat, +To pway the watchman evew f-fow thy s-sake. +Fow thee watch I, ^.^ whiwst thou dost wake ewsewhewe, +Fwom me faw off, w-with othews aww too nyeaw. + + +*cries* 62 +Sin of *twerks* sewf-wuv possesseth aww minye eye, +:33 And aww my souw, and aww my evewy pawt; +:33 And f-fow this sin thewe xDD is nyo wemedy, +It xDD is so gwounded i-inwawd in my heawt. +Methinks nyo face so gwacious xDD is as minye, +*cuddles you* Nyo shape so twue, nyo *looks away* twuth of *looks at you* such *cries* account, +:33 And f-fow my sewf minye own wowth do definye, +As I aww othew in aww wowths *screams* suwmount. +But when my *cuddles you* gwass shows me my sewf indeed +beated and *shuffles closer* chopt w-with tannyed antiquity, +Minye own *twerks* sewf-wuv quite contwawy I wead: +*giggles shyly* Sewf, so sewf-woving wewe inyiquity. +'Tis thee (my sewf) that f-fow my sewf I *cuddles you* pwaise, +Painting my ^w^ age w-with beauty of thy ^.^ days. + + +63 +Against my wuv shaww be as I *giggles shyly* am *pokes you* nyow +With Time's i-injuwious hand c-cwushed and o'ewwown, +When houws *looks away* have dwainyed his bwood and fiwwed his bwow +With w-winyes and *sighs* wwinkwes, when his *leans over* youthfuw mown +Hath twavewwed on to a-age's ^-^ steepy nyight, +:33 And aww those beauties wheweof *pokes you* nyow he's king +Awe vanyishing, ow v-vanyished out of sight, +Steawing away the tweasuwe of his spwing: +Fow *looks at you* such :3 a ;;w;; time do I *pokes you* nyow fowtify +Against confounding a-age's *looks away* cwuew *notices bulge* knyife, +That he shaww nyevew cut f-fwom memowy +My sweet wuv's beauty, t-though my wuvw's w-wife. +His beauty shaww in these bwack w-winyes be seen, +:33 And they shaww *leans over* wive, and he in them ^-^ stiww gween. + + +64 +When I *looks away* have :33 seen by Time's *looks away* feww hand defaced +The wich-pwoud cost of x3 outwown b-buwied age, +When sometime wofty towews I see down-wased, +:33 And b-bwass etewnyaw swave to mowtaw wage. +When I *looks away* have :33 seen the hungwy ocean gain +Advantage on the k-kingdom of the showe, +:33 And the fiwm soiw win of the watewy main, +*twerks* Incweasing stowe w-with woss, and w-woss w-with stowe. +When I *looks away* have :33 seen *looks at you* such intewchange of S-State, +Ow state i-it sewf confounded, to decay, +Wuin hath taught me uWu thus to wuminyate +That Time wiww come and take my wuv a-away. +T-This thought xDD is as :3 a death which cannyot choose +But weep to have, that which i-it feaws to wose. + + +65 +Since bwass, *pokes you* nyow stonye, *pokes you* nyow *shuffles closer* eawth, *pokes you* nyow boundwess sea, +But s-sad mowtawity o'ewsways theiw powew, +How w-with this wage shaww beauty howd :3 a pwea, +W-Whose action xDD is nyo stwongew than :3 a f-fwowew? +uWu O how shaww summew's honyey bweath howd out, +Against the wwackfuw *screams* siege of batt'wing days, +When wocks impwegnyabwe awe nyot so stout, +Nyow *shuffles closer* gates of steew so stwong b-but ;;w;; time decays? +uWu O feawfuw meditation, whewe awack, +Shaww Time's best jewew f-fwom Time's chest wie hid? +Ow what stwong hand can howd his swift foot back, +Ow who his spoiw of beauty can fowbid? +uWu O nyonye, unwess this m-miwacwe *looks away* have might, +That in bwack ink my wuv may ^-^ stiww s-shinye bwight. + + +66 +Tiwed w-with aww these f-fow westfuw death I cwy, +As to behowd desewt :3 a beggaw bown, +:33 And nyeedy nyothing twimmed in jowwity, +:33 And puwest faith >w< unhappiwy fowswown, +:33 And giwded honyouw uWu shamefuwwy m-mispwaced, +:33 And *notices bulge* maiden viwtue w-wudewy stwumpeted, +:33 And wight pewfection w-wwongfuwwy disgwaced, +:33 And stwength by wimping sway disabwed +:33 And awt xDD made tongue-tied by authowity, +:33 And fowwy (doctow-wike) contwowwing skiww, +:33 And simpwe *looks away* twuth miscawwed simpwicity, +:33 And captive good *notices bulge* attending c-captain iww. +Tiwed w-with aww these, f-fwom these wouwd I be gonye, +Save that to die, I weave my wuv awonye. + + +*looks at you* 67 +Ah whewefowe w-with infection shouwd he *leans over* wive, +:33 And w-with his pwesence gwace impiety, +That sin by him advantage shouwd a-achieve, +:33 And wace i-it sewf w-with his society? +Why shouwd fawse painting imitate his c-cheek, +:33 And steaw dead seeming of his wiving hue? +Why shouwd poow beauty indiwectwy seek, +Woses of shadow, since his wose xDD is twue? +Why shouwd he *leans over* wive, *pokes you* nyow nyatuwe bankwupt is, +Beggawed of bwood to bwush thwough wivewy ^w^ veins, +Fow she hath nyo *giggles shyly* exchequew *pokes you* nyow b-but h-his, +:33 And pwoud of many, xDD wives upon his gains? +uWu O him she stowes, to show what weawth she had, +In days wong *giggles shyly* since, befowe these wast so b-bad. + + +6-68 +Thus xDD is his cheek the map of days outwown, +When beauty wived and died as fwowews do nyow, +Befowe these bastawd xDD signs of f-faiw wewe bown, +Ow duwst inhabit on :3 a wiving bwow: +Befowe the xDD gowden twesses of the dead, +The wight of *hugs tightly* sepuwchwes, wewe shown away, +To wive :3 a second w-wife on second head, +Ewe ;;w;; beauty's dead fweece xDD made uWu anyothew gay: +In him those howy antique houws awe seen, +*notices bulge* Without aww ownyament, i-it sewf and twue, +Making nyo *cuddles you* summew of anyothew's gween, +Wobbing nyo *giggles shyly* owd to dwess his beauty n-nyew, +:33 And him as f-fow :3 a map doth Nyatuwe stowe, +To show fawse Awt what beauty w-was of yowe. + + +69 +Those *looks away* pawts of thee that the wowwd's ^-^ eye doth view, +Want nyothing that the thought of heawts can mend: +A-Aww tongues (the voice of souws) give thee that due, +U-Uttewing bawe twuth, even so as foes c-commend. +Thy outwawd uWu thus w-with outwawd pwaise xDD is cwownyed, +But those >_> same tongues that give thee so thinye own, +In othew a-accents do this pwaise confound +By seeing *sweats* fawthew than the ^-^ eye hath shown. +They wook into the beauty of thy mind, +:33 And that in guess they measuwe by thy ^-^ deeds, +Then chuwws theiw thoughts (awthough theiw eyes wewe k-kind) +To thy f-faiw fwowew add the wank smeww of weeds: +But why thy odouw matcheth nyot thy show, +The soiw xDD is this, that thou dost common gwow. + + +70 +That thou awt bwamed shaww nyot be thy defect, +Fow *screams* swandew's mawk w-was evew y-yet the faiw, +The *looks away* ownyament of beauty xDD is suspect, +A cwow that fwies in heaven's s-sweetest aiw. +S-So thou be *notices bulge* good, swandew doth b-but appwuv, +Thy wowth the gweatew b-being wooed of time, +Fow cankew v-vice the s-sweetest buds doth OwO wuv, +:33 And thou pwesent'st :3 a puwe unstainyed *cries* pwime. +Thou hast passed by the ambush of young days, +E-Eithew nyot *sweats* assaiwed, ow victow b-being uWu chawged, +Yet this thy pwaise cannyot be so thy *cuddles you* pwaise, +To *looks away* tie up e-envy, e-evewmowe enwawged, +I-If some suspect of iww masked nyot thy show, +Then thou uWu awonye >_> kingdoms of heawts shouwdst owe. + + +71 +*cuddles you* Nyo wongew mouwn f-fow me when I *giggles shyly* am dead, +Than :33 you shaww heaw the s-suwwy suwwen UwU beww +Give wawnying to the >_> wowwd that I *giggles shyly* am uWu fwed +Fwom this viwe >_> wowwd w-with viwest wowms to dweww: +Nyay i-if :33 you wead this winye, w-wemembew nyot, +The hand that wwit uWu it, f-fow I wuv :33 you s-so, +That I in youw sweet thoughts wouwd be fowgot, +I-If thinking on me then shouwd m-make :33 you woe. +uWu O i-if (I say) :33 you wook upon this vewse, +When I (pewhaps) compounded *giggles shyly* am w-with cway, +Do nyot so x3 much as my poow *leans over* nyame ÚwÚ weheawse; +But w-wet youw wuv even w-with my w-wife decay. +West the wise >_> wowwd shouwd wook into youw m-moan, +:33 And m-mock :33 you w-with me *looks away* aftew I *giggles shyly* am gonye. + + +72 +uWu O west the >_> wowwd shouwd task :33 you to wecite, +What *blushes* mewit wived in me that :33 you shouwd wuv +Aftew my death (deaw wuv) fowget me *screams* quite, +Fow :33 you in me can nyothing wowthy pwuv. +Unwess :33 you wouwd devise some viwtuous wie, +To do mowe f-fow me than minye own desewt, +:33 And hang mowe pwaise upon *notices bulge* deceased I, +Than nyiggawd *looks away* twuth wouwd wiwwingwy impawt: +uWu O west youw twue wuv may *teleports behind you* seem fawse in this, +That :33 you f-fow wuv speak weww of me untwue, +My *leans over* nyame be b-buwied whewe my ^w^ body is, +:33 And wive nyo mowe to :33 shame *pokes you* nyow me, *pokes you* nyow you. +Fow I *giggles shyly* am shamed by that which I bwing fowth, +:33 And so shouwd you, to wuv *moans* things nyothing >_> wowth. + + +73 +That ;;w;; time of y-yeaw thou mayst in me behowd, +When yewwow w-weaves, ow nyonye, ow few do hang +*cries* Upon those boughs which shake against the cowd, +Bawe wuinyed choiws, whewe wate the sweet biwds sang. +In me thou seest the twiwight of *looks at you* such :3 day, +As *looks away* aftew sunset f-fadeth in the west, +Which by and by bwack nyight doth take away, +Death's second sewf that *looks at you* seaws up aww in west. +In me thou seest the gwowing of *looks at you* such f-fiwe, +That on the ashes of his youth doth wie, +As the death-bed, wheweon i-it must *hugs tightly* expiwe, +:33 Consumed w-with that which i-it w-was n-nyouwished by. +T-This thou pewceiv'st, which makes thy wuv mowe stwong, +To wuv that weww, which thou must weave ewe wong. + + +74 +But be contented when that *looks away* feww awwest, +*notices bulge* Without aww baiw shaww cawwy me away, +My w-wife hath in this winye some *pokes you* intewest, +Which f-fow memowiaw ^-^ stiww w-with thee shaww s-stay. +When thou ^w^ weviewest this, thou dost weview, +The vewy pawt w-was consecwate to thee, +The eawth can *looks away* have b-but *shuffles closer* eawth, which xDD is his due, +My spiwit xDD is thinye the bettew pawt of me, +S-So then thou hast b-but wost the *sighs* dwegs of wife, +The pwey of *cries* wowms, my ^w^ body b-being dead, +The cowawd conquest of :3 a w-wwetch's *notices bulge* knyife, +>w< Too base of thee to be w-wemembewed, +The wowth of t-that, xDD is that which i-it contains, +:33 And that xDD is this, and this w-with thee wemains. + + +75 +S-So awe :33 you to my thoughts as food to wife, +Ow as sweet-seasonyed UwU showews awe to the *blushes* gwound; +:33 And f-fow the peace of :33 you I howd *looks at you* such stwife +As 'twixt :3 a *moans* misew and his weawth xDD is f-found. +Nyow pwoud as an e-enjoyew, and anyon +Doubting the fiwching ^w^ age wiww steaw his tweasuwe, +Nyow counting best to be w-with :33 you awonye, +Then b-bettewed that the >_> wowwd may see my pweasuwe, +Sometime aww fuww w-with feasting on youw sight, +:33 And by and by cwean stawved f-fow :3 a wook, +Possessing ow puwsuing nyo dewight +Save what xDD is had, ow must f-fwom :33 you be *giggles shyly* took. +Thus do I pinye and suwfeit day by :3 day, +Ow gwuttonying on aww, ow aww a-away. + + +76 +Why xDD is my vewse so bawwen of nyew pwide? +S-So faw f-fwom vawiation ow quick ÚwÚ change? +Why w-with the ;;w;; time do I nyot gwance aside +To nyew-found methods, and to compounds stwange? +Why wwite I ^-^ stiww aww onye, evew the same, +:33 And keep invention in :3 a nyoted weed, +That evewy w-wowd doth awmost t-teww my nyame, +*giggles shyly* Showing theiw biwth, and whewe they did pwoceed? +uWu O knyow sweet wuv I *hugs tightly* awways wwite of you, +:33 And :33 you and wuv awe ^-^ stiww my awgument: +S-So aww my best xDD is dwessing *giggles shyly* owd wowds n-nyew, +Spending a-again what xDD is *giggles shyly* awweady spent: +Fow as the sun xDD is daiwy nyew and o-owd, +S-So xDD is my wuv ^-^ stiww tewwing what xDD is towd. + + +77 +Thy *cuddles you* gwass wiww show thee how thy beauties weaw, +Thy diaw how thy pwecious *leans over* minyutes ^-^ waste, +These vacant weaves thy mind's impwint wiww beaw, +:33 And of this book, this *looks at you* weawnying mayst thou taste. +The *blushes* wwinkwes which thy *cuddles you* gwass wiww twuwy show, +Of m-mouthed g-gwaves wiww give thee memowy, +Thou by thy diaw's shady uWu steawth mayst knyow, +Time's *giggles shyly* thievish pwogwess to *twerks* etewnyity. +Wook what thy memowy cannyot contain, +Commit to these >_> waste bwanks, and thou shawt find +Those chiwdwen nyuwsed, dewivewed f-fwom thy bwain, +To take :3 a nyew acquaintance of thy *blushes* mind. +These offices, so oft as thou wiwt wook, +Shaww p-pwofit thee, and x3 much enwich thy b-book. + + +78 +S-So oft *looks away* have I invoked thee f-fow my muse, +:33 And found *looks at you* such f-faiw a-assistance in my vewse, +As evewy awien pen hath *giggles shyly* got my use, +:33 And undew thee theiw poesy d-dispewse. +Thinye eyes, that taught the dumb on high to sing, +:33 And heavy ignyowance awoft to fwy, +Have added feathews to the weawnyed's w-wing, +:33 And xDD given gwace :3 a *looks away* doubwe majesty. +Yet be m-most pwoud of that which I c-compiwe, +W-Whose infwuence xDD is thinye, and bown of thee, +In o-othews' w-wowks thou dost b-but mend the stywe, +:33 And awts w-with thy sweet gwaces gwaced b-be. +But thou awt aww my *blushes* awt, and dost *screams* advance +As high as weawnying, my wude ignyowance. + + +79 +Whiwst I uWu awonye did caww upon thy aid, +My vewse uWu awonye had aww thy gentwe gwace, +But *pokes you* nyow my gwacious nyumbews awe decayed, +:33 And my sick muse doth give an othew p-pwace. +I gwant *giggles shyly* (sweet wuv) thy wuvwy awgument +Desewves the twavaiw of :3 a wowthiew pen, +Yet what of thee thy poet doth invent, +He wobs thee of, and pays i-it thee again, +He wends thee v-viwtue, and he stowe that wowd, +Fwom thy behaviouw, beauty doth he give +:33 And found i-it in thy cheek: he can affowd +*cuddles you* Nyo pwaise to thee, b-but what in thee doth wive. +Then *notices bulge* thank him nyot f-fow that which he doth say, +Since what he o-owes thee, thou thy sewf dost *shuffles closer* pay. + + +80 +uWu O how I f-faint when I of :33 you do wwite, +Knyowing :3 a bettew spiwit doth use youw nyame, +:33 And in the pwaise theweof spends aww his might, +To m-make me tongue-tied speaking of youw fame. +But since youw wowth (wide as the ocean is) +The humbwe as the pwoudest s-saiw doth beaw, +My saucy *blushes* bawk (infewiow faw to his) +On youw bwoad main doth :3 wiwfuwwy appeaw. +Youw shawwowest h-hewp wiww howd me up afwoat, +Whiwst he upon youw soundwess deep doth wide, +Ow (being wwecked) I *giggles shyly* am :3 a wowthwess boat, +He of taww buiwding, and of goodwy pwide. +Then i-if he thwive and I be cast away, +The wowst w-was this, my wuv w-was my decay. + + +81 +Ow I shaww wive youw epitaph to make, +Ow :33 you suwvive when I in eawth *giggles shyly* am wotten, +Fwom hence youw memowy death cannyot t-take, +Awthough in me each pawt wiww be fowgotten. +Youw *leans over* nyame f-fwom hence immowtaw w-wife shaww have, +*shuffles closer* Though I (once gonye) to aww the >_> wowwd must die, +The eawth can y-yiewd me b-but :3 a common gwave, +When :33 you entombed in men's eyes shaww wie, +Youw :33 monyument shaww be my gentwe vewse, +Which eyes nyot y-yet cweated shaww o'ew-wead, +:33 And tongues to be, youw b-being shaww weheawse, +When aww the bweathews of this >_> wowwd awe dead, +You ^-^ stiww shaww wive (such viwtue hath my uWu pen) +Whewe bweath m-most bweathes, even in the mouths of men. + + +82 +I gwant thou wewt nyot *blushes* mawwied to my muse, +:33 And thewefowe mayst without attaint o'ewwook +The d-dedicated wowds which wwitews use +Of theiw f-faiw subject, bwessing evewy b-book. +Thou awt as f-faiw in knyowwedge as in hue, +Finding thy wowth :3 a wimit past my *cuddles you* pwaise, +:33 And thewefowe awt *teleports behind you* enfowced to seek anyew, +Some fweshew s-stamp of the time-bettewing ^.^ days. +:33 And do so OwO wuv, y-yet when they *looks away* have devised, +What s-stwainyed touches whetowic can >w< wend, +Thou twuwy faiw, wewt twuwy s-sympathized, +In twue pwain w-wowds, by thy twue-tewwing fwiend. +:33 And theiw g-gwoss painting might be bettew used, +Whewe cheeks nyeed bwood, in thee i-it xDD is abused. + + +^.^ 83 +I nyevew saw that :33 you did painting nyeed, +:33 And thewefowe to youw f-faiw nyo painting set, +I found (ow thought I f-found) :33 you did ^.^ exceed, +That bawwen tendew of :3 a poet's debt: +:33 And thewefowe *looks away* have I swept in youw wepowt, +That :33 you youw sewf b-being e-extant weww might show, +How faw :3 a modewn quiww doth come too *pokes you* showt, +Speaking of w-wowth, what wowth in :33 you doth gwow. +T-This siwence f-fow my sin :33 you did impute, +Which shaww be m-most my gwowy b-being dumb, +Fow I impaiw nyot beauty b-being m-mute, +When othews wouwd give wife, and bwing :3 a tomb. +Thewe xDD wives mowe w-wife in onye of youw f-faiw eyes, +Than both youw poets can in pwaise devise. + + +84 +Who xDD is i-it that says most, which can say m-mowe, +Than this wich *cuddles you* pwaise, that :33 you awonye, awe you? +In *screams* whose c-confinye immuwed xDD is the stowe, +Which shouwd exampwe whewe youw e-equaw gwew. +Wean penyuwy *teleports behind you* within that pen doth dweww, +That to his subject wends nyot some smaww gwowy, +But he that xDD wwites of you, i-if he can teww, +That :33 you awe you, so dignyifies his stowy. +Wet him b-but copy what in :33 you xDD is wwit, +Nyot x3 making wowse what nyatuwe xDD made so cweaw, +:33 And *looks at you* such :3 a countewpawt shaww f-fame his w-wit, +Making his stywe admiwed evewy whewe. +You to youw beauteous bwessings add :3 a cuwse, +:3 Being fond on *cuddles you* pwaise, which makes youw pwaises w-wowse. + + +>_> 85 +My tongue-tied muse in mannyews howds hew stiww, +Whiwe comments of youw pwaise w-wichwy compiwed, +Wesewve theiw chawactew w-with xDD gowden *looks at you* quiww, +:33 And pwecious >w< phwase by aww the Muses fiwed. +I think good thoughts, ^.^ whiwst othew wwite good w-wowds, +:33 And wike unwettewed cwewk ^-^ stiww cwy ;;w;; Amen, +To evewy hymn that abwe spiwit affowds, +In powished fowm of weww wefinyed pen. +Heawing :33 you p-pwaised, I say 'tis s-so, 'tis twue, +:33 And to the m-most of pwaise add something m-mowe, +But that xDD is in my thought, *screams* whose wuv to :33 you +(Though wowds come hindmost) howds his wank befowe, +Then othews, f-fow the bweath of wowds wespect, +UwU Me f-fow my dumb thoughts, speaking in effect. + + +86 +Was i-it the pwoud fuww s-saiw of his g-gweat vewse, +Bound f-fow the pwize of (aww too pwecious) you, +That did my wipe thoughts in my UwU bwain i-inheawse, +Making theiw tomb the w-womb whewein they gwew? +Was i-it his *screams* spiwit, by spiwits taught to wwite, +Abuv :3 a mowtaw pitch, that stwuck me dead? +Nyo, nyeithew uWu he, *pokes you* nyow his compeews by nyight +xDD Giving him aid, my vewse astonyished. +He *pokes you* nyow that affabwe famiwiaw ghost +Which nyightwy guwws him w-with intewwigence, +As victows of my siwence cannyot boast, +I w-was nyot sick of *sighs* any feaw f-fwom thence. +But when youw c-countenyance fiwwed up his winye, +Then wacked I mattew, that enfeebwed minye. + + +87 +F-Faweweww! thou awt too deaw f-fow my possessing, +:33 And wike enyough thou knyow'st thy estimate, +The chawtew of thy wowth g-gives thee weweasing: +My bonds in thee awe aww detewminyate. +Fow how do I howd thee b-but by thy gwanting, +:33 And f-fow that wiches whewe xDD is my OwO desewving? +The cause of this f-faiw gift in me xDD is wanting, +:33 And so my patent back a-again xDD is swewving. +Thy sewf thou gav'st, thy own wowth then nyot *blushes* knyowing, +Ow me to whom thou gav'st uWu it, ewse mistaking, +S-So thy g-gweat gift upon mispwision gwowing, +Comes home again, on bettew judgement uWu making. +Thus *looks away* have I had thee as :3 a dweam doth fwattew, +In sweep :3 a king, b-but waking nyo *looks at you* such mattew. + + +88 +When thou shawt be disposed to set me wight, +:33 And pwace my *blushes* mewit in the ^-^ eye of :33 scown, +*cries* Upon thy side, against my sewf I-I'ww *notices bulge* fight, +:33 And pwuv thee v-viwtuous, t-though thou awt fowswown: +With minye own weaknyess b-being best x3 acquainted, +*cries* Upon thy pawt I can set down :3 a stowy +Of *cuddles you* fauwts c-conceawed, whewein I *giggles shyly* am attainted: +That thou in wosing me, shawt win x3 much g-gwowy: +:33 And I by this wiww be :3 a gainyew too, +Fow bending aww my woving thoughts on thee, +The injuwies that to my sewf I do, +>_> Doing thee vantage, d-doubwe-vantage me. +Such xDD is my OwO wuv, to thee I so *shuffles closer* bewong, +That f-fow thy wight, my sewf wiww *hugs tightly* beaw aww wwong. + + +89 +ÚwÚ Say that thou didst fowsake me f-fow some fauwt, +:33 And I wiww comment upon that offence, +Speak of my wamenyess, and I stwaight wiww hawt: +Against thy weasons x3 making nyo defence. +Thou c-canst nyot (wuv) *shuffles closer* disgwace me *looks at you* hawf so iww, +To set :3 a fowm upon desiwed change, +As I-I'ww my sewf d-disgwace, ^.^ knyowing thy wiww, +I wiww acquaintance s-stwangwe and wook stwange: +Be absent f-fwom thy wawks and in my t-tongue, +Thy sweet bewuvd *leans over* nyame nyo mowe shaww dweww, +West I ;;w;; (too x3 much pwofanye) shouwd do i-it wwonk: +:33 And *shuffles closer* hapwy of ouw *giggles shyly* owd acquaintance teww. +Fow thee, against my sewf I-I'ww vow debate, +Fow I must nye'ew wuv him whom thou dost hate. + + +ÚwÚ 90 +Then *giggles shyly* hate me when thou wiwt, i-if evew, nyow, +Nyow w-whiwe the >_> wowwd xDD is bent my d-deeds to cwoss, +join w-with the spite of *pokes you* fowtunye, m-make me bow, +:33 And do nyot dwop in f-fow an aftew-woss: +Ah do nyot, when my h-heawt hath 'scaped this sowwow, +Come in the ;;w;; weawwawd of :3 a conquewed woe, +Give nyot :3 a windy nyight :3 a wainy mowwow, +To wingew out :3 a puwposed uvwthwow. +I-If thou wiwt weave me, do nyot weave me uWu wast, +When othew *blushes* petty gwiefs *looks away* have d-donye theiw spite, +But in the onset *giggles shyly* come, so shaww I taste +At fiwst the vewy wowst of fowtunye's might. +:33 And othew stwains of woe, which *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* seem woe, +Compawed w-with w-woss of thee, wiww nyot *teleports behind you* seem so. + + +91 +Some gwowy in theiw biwth, some in theiw skiww, +Some in theiw weawth, some in theiw body's fowce, +Some in theiw gawments t-though nyew-fangwed iww: +Some in theiw UwU hawks and hounds, some in theiw howse. +:33 And evewy humouw hath his a-adjunct pweasuwe, +Whewein i-it finds :3 a joy abuv the west, +But these pawticuwaws awe nyot my measuwe, +A-Aww these I bettew in onye genyewaw best. +Thy wuv xDD is bettew than high biwth to me, +Wichew than weawth, pwoudew than *cries* gawments' c-costs, +Of mowe dewight than UwU hawks and howses be: +:33 And having thee, of aww men's pwide I boast. +Wwetched in this awonye, that thou mayst t-take, +A-Aww this away, and me m-most wwetchcd make. + + +92 +But do thy wowst to steaw thy sewf away, +Fow tewm of w-wife thou awt assuwed minye, +:33 And w-wife nyo wongew than thy wuv wiww *cuddles you* stay, +Fow i-it depends upon that wuv of *looks at you* thinye. +Then nyeed I nyot to feaw the wowst of OwO wwongs, +When in the *blushes* weast of them my w-wife hath end, +I s-see, :3 a bettew state to me bewongs +Than t-that, which on thy humouw doth depend. +Thou c-canst nyot vex me w-with inconstant mind, +Since that my w-wife on thy wevowt doth wie, +uWu O what :3 a ^.^ happy titwe do I find, +Happy to *looks away* have thy OwO wuv, ^.^ happy to *sweats* die! +But w-what's so bwessed-faiw that feaws nyo bwot? +Thou mayst be fawse, and y-yet I knyow i-it nyot. + + +;;w;; 93 +S-So shaww I *leans over* wive, supposing thou awt twue, +Wike :3 a d-deceived *twerks* husband, so wuv's face, +May ^-^ stiww *teleports behind you* seem wuv to me, t-though awtewed *looks at you* nyew: +Thy wooks w-with me, thy h-heawt in othew p-pwace. +Fow thewe can wive nyo hatwed in thinye eye, +Thewefowe in that I cannyot knyow thy change, +In many's *shuffles closer* wooks, the fawse heawt's *notices bulge* histowy +Is wwit in m-moods and fwowns and *blushes* wwinkwes stwange. +But heaven in thy c-cweation did decwee, +That in thy face sweet wuv shouwd evew dweww, +xDD Whate'ew thy thoughts, ow thy heawt's wowkings be, +Thy wooks shouwd nyothing t-thence, b-but s-sweetnyess teww. +How wike Eve's appwe doth thy beauty x3 gwow, +I-If thy sweet viwtue a-answew nyot thy show. + + +94 +They that *looks away* have p-powew to huwt, and wiww do nyonye, +That do nyot do the thing, they m-most do show, +Who moving othews, awe themsewves as stonye, +x3 Unmuvd, cowd, and to temptation swow: +They w-wightwy do inhewit heaven's gwaces, +:33 And husband nyatuwe's wiches f-fwom expense, +Tibey awe the wowds and ownyews of theiw faces, +Othews, b-but s-stewawds of theiw excewwence: +The summew's fwowew xDD is to the *cuddles you* summew sweet, +*shuffles closer* Though to i-it sewf, i-it onwy wive and die, +But i-if that fwowew w-with base infection ^.^ meet, +The *sweats* basest w-weed outbwaves his dignyity: +Fow s-sweetest *moans* things t-tuwn souwest by theiw ^-^ deeds, +W-Wiwies that festew, smeww faw wowse than w-weeds. + + +95 +How sweet and wuvwy dost thou m-make the shame, +Which wike :3 a cankew in the fwagwant wose, +Doth spot the beauty of thy budding nyame! +uWu O in what sweets dost thou thy sins encwose! +That *notices bulge* tongue that tewws the stowy of thy days, +(Making w-wascivious comments on thy s-spowt) +Cannyot dispwaise, b-but in :3 a kind of *cuddles you* pwaise, +Nyaming thy nyame, bwesses an iww >w< wepowt. +uWu O what :3 a mansion *looks away* have those >w< vices got, +Which f-fow theiw habitation chose out thee, +Whewe ;;w;; beauty's veiw doth cuvw evewy b-bwot, +:33 And aww *moans* things t-tuwns to faiw, that eyes can *hugs tightly* see! +Take heed (deaw h-heawt) of this wawge pwiviwege, +The hawdest k-knyife iww-used doth wose his edge. + + +96 +Some say thy *cuddles you* fauwt xDD is y-youth, some wantonnyess, +Some say thy gwace xDD is youth and gentwe spowt, +B-Both gwace and *cuddles you* fauwts awe wuvd of mowe and wess: +Thou mak'st *cuddles you* fauwts gwaces, that to thee wesowt: +As on the fingew of :3 a thwonyed queen, +The *sweats* basest jewew wiww be weww esteemed: +S-So awe those ewwows that in thee awe seen, +To *cuddles you* twuths uWu twanswated, and f-fow twue *moans* things deemed. +How many wambs might the stewn wowf betway, +I-If wike :3 a wamb he couwd his wooks twanswate! +How many x3 gazews m-mightst thou wead away, +i-if thou w-wouwdst use the stwength of aww thy state! +But do nyot s-so, I wuv thee in *looks at you* such sowt, +As thou b-being minye, minye xDD is thy good >w< wepowt. + + +9-97 +How wike :3 a wintew hath my *sweats* absence been +Fwom thee, the pweasuwe of the fweeting yeaw! +What fweezings *looks away* have I fewt, what dawk days seen! +What *giggles shyly* owd D-Decembew's b-bawenyess *blushes* evewywhewe! +:33 And y-yet this ;;w;; time wemuvd w-was summew's time, +The *sweats* teeming autumn big w-with wich incwease, +Beawing the wanton b-buwden of the pwime, +Wike w-widowed wombs *looks away* aftew theiw *notices bulge* wowds' decease: +Yet this abundant issue seemed to me +But hope of o-owphans, and unfathewed fwuit, +Fow *cuddles you* summew and his p-pweasuwes wait on thee, +:33 And thou away, the vewy biwds awe mute. +Ow i-if they sing, 'tis w-with so duww :3 a cheew, +That weaves wook pawe, *looks at you* dweading the wintew's nyeaw. + + +98 +Fwom :33 you *looks away* have I been absent in the *pokes you* spwing, +When pwoud-pied Apwiw (-(dwessed in aww his t-twim) +Hath put :3 a spiwit of youth in evewy thing: +That heavy S-Satuwn ^w^ waughed and *looks away* weaped w-with :33 him. +Yet *pokes you* nyow the ways of biwds, *pokes you* nyow the sweet smeww +Of diffewent fwowews in odouw and in hue, +Couwd m-make me *sighs* any summew's stowy teww: +Ow f-fwom theiw pwoud wap pwuck them whewe they *cuddles you* gwew: +Nyow did I w-wondew *teleports behind you* at the wiwy's ÚwÚ white, +Nyow pwaise the deep *hugs tightly* vewmiwion in the wose, +They wewe b-but sweet, b-but figuwes of *looks away* dewight: +Dwawn *looks away* aftew you, :33 you pattewn of aww those. +Yet seemed i-it wintew stiww, and :33 you away, +As w-with youw shadow I w-with these did pway. + + +99 +The *teleports behind you* fowwawd *notices bulge* viowet uWu thus did I chide, +Sweet thief, whence didst thou steaw thy sweet that smewws, +I-If nyot f-fwom my wuv's bweath? The puwpwe pwide +Which on thy soft check f-fow *notices bulge* compwexion dwewws, +In my wuv's veins thou hast too gwosswy *moans* dyed. +The wiwy I c-condemnyed f-fow thy hand, +:33 And buds of mawjowam had stow'n thy *leans over* haiw, +The ^w^ woses feawfuwwy on thowns did stand, +Onye bwushing shame, uWu anyothew white ^w^ despaiw: +A *looks at you* thiwd *pokes you* nyow wed, *pokes you* nyow ÚwÚ white, had stow'n of both, +:33 And to his :33 wobbewy had annyexed thy bweath, +But f-fow his theft in pwide of aww his gwowth +A vengefuw cankew eat him up to death. +Mowe fwowews I uWu nyoted, y-yet I nyonye couwd s-see, +But sweet, ow cowouw i-it had stow'n f-fwom *cuddles you* thee. + + +100 +Whewe awt thou M-Muse that thou fowget'st so w-wong, +To speak of that which g-gives thee aww thy might? +*sweats* Spend'st thou thy fuwy on some wowthwess song, +D-Dawkenying thy p-powew to wend base s-subjects wight? +Wetuwn fowgetfuw Muse, and stwaight wedeem, +In gentwe nyumbews ;;w;; time so i-idwy spent, +Sing to the e-eaw that doth thy ways esteem, +:33 And g-gives thy pen both skiww and awgument. +W-Wise westy Muse, my wuv's sweet face s-suwvey, +I-If ;;w;; time *looks away* have *sighs* any wwinkwe gwaven thewe, +I-If any, be :3 a satiwe to decay, +:33 And m-make time's spoiws despised evewywhewe. +Give my wuv f-fame fastew than Time wastes wife, +S-So thou pwevent'st his scythe, and c-cwooked k-knyife. + + +*hugs tightly* 101 +uWu O twuant M-Muse what shaww be thy amends, +Fow thy nyegwect of *looks away* twuth in beauty *looks away* dyed? +B-Both *looks away* twuth and beauty on my wuv depends: +S-So dost thou too, and t-thewein dignyified: +M-Make a-answew Muse, wiwt thou nyot *shuffles closer* hapwy say, +'Twuth nyeeds nyo cowouw w-with his cowouw fixed, +Beauty nyo penciw, ;;w;; beauty's *looks away* twuth to way: +But best xDD is *teleports behind you* best, i-if nyevew >_> intewmixed'? +:33 Because he nyeeds nyo *cuddles you* pwaise, wiwt thou be dumb? +Excuse nyot siwence s-so, fow't wies in thee, +To m-make him x3 much outwive :3 a giwded tomb: +:33 And to be pwaised of ages y-yet to b-be. +Then do thy office Muse, I teach thee how, +To m-make him *teleports behind you* seem wong hence, as he shows nyow. + + +1-102 +My wuv xDD is s-stwengthenyed t-though mowe w-weak in seeming, +I wuv nyot wess, t-though wess the show appeaw, +That wuv xDD is mewchandized, *screams* whose wich e-esteeming, +The ownyew's *notices bulge* tongue doth pubwish evewy whewe. +Ouw wuv w-was n-nyew, and then b-but in the *pokes you* spwing, +When I w-was wont to gweet i-it w-with my ways, +As Phiwomew in summew's fwont doth sing, +:33 And stops hew *pokes you* pipe in gwowth of ;;w;; wipew days: +Nyot that the *cuddles you* summew xDD is wess pweasant *pokes you* nyow +Than when hew mouwnfuw hymns did hush the nyight, +But that wiwd *pokes you* music buwthens evewy bough, +:33 And sweets gwown common wose theiw deaw dewight. +Thewefowe wike hew, I sometime howd my ^.^ tongue: +:33 Because I wouwd nyot duww :33 you w-with my song. + + +103 +Awack what puvwty my muse bwings fowth, +That having *looks at you* such :3 a scope to show hew pwide, +The awgument aww bawe xDD is of mowe wowth +Than when i-it hath my added pwaise beside. +uWu O bwame me nyot i-if I nyo mowe can wwite! +Wook in youw *cuddles you* gwass and thewe *leans over* appeaws :3 a face, +That uvw-goes my bwunt invention *screams* quite, +D-Duwwing my winyes, and doing me *shuffles closer* disgwace. +W-Wewe i-it nyot sinfuw then stwiving to *hugs tightly* mend, +To maw the subject that befowe w-was weww? +Fow to nyo othew pass my vewses tend, +Than of youw gwaces and youw *looks at you* gifts to teww. +:33 And m-mowe, x3 much mowe than in my vewse can sit, +Youw own *cuddles you* gwass shows you, when :33 you wook in *hugs tightly* it. + + +104 +To me f-faiw fwiend :33 you nyevew can be o-owd, +Fow as :33 you wewe when fiwst youw ^-^ eye I eyed, +Such seems youw beauty *moans* stiww: thwee wintews cowd, +Have f-fwom the fowests shook thwee summews' pwide, +*notices bulge* Thwee beauteous spwings to yewwow autumn tuwnyed, +In pwocess of the seasons *looks away* have I seen, +*notices bulge* Thwee Apwiw pewfumes in thwee *giggles shyly* hot ;;w;; Junyes buwnyed, +Since fiwst I saw :33 you fwesh which y-yet awe gween. +Ah y-yet doth beauty wike :3 a diaw hand, +Steaw f-fwom his *sweats* figuwe, and nyo pace pewceived, +S-So youw sweet hue, which methinks ^-^ stiww doth s-stand +Hath m-motion, and minye ^-^ eye may be :3 deceived. +Fow feaw of which, heaw this thou ^w^ age u-unbwed, +Ewe :33 you wewe bown w-was ;;w;; beauty's *cuddles you* summew dead. + + +105 +Wet nyot my wuv be cawwed *leans over* idowatwy, +Nyow my bewuvd as an idow show, +Since aww awike my songs and pwaises be +To onye, of onye, ^-^ stiww such, and evew so. +Kind xDD is my wuv to-day, to-mowwow kind, +Stiww *hugs tightly* constant in :3 a wondwous ^w^ excewwence, +Thewefowe my vewse to constancy confinyed, +Onye thing expwessing, weaves out diffewence. +Faiw, kind, and twue, xDD is aww my awgument, +Faiw, kind, and twue, vawying to othew w-wowds, +:33 And in this change xDD is my invention spent, +*notices bulge* Thwee themes in onye, which wondwous scope affowds. +Faiw, kind, and twue, *looks away* have often wived awonye. +Which thwee tiww nyow, nyevew kept s-seat in onye. + + +*teleports behind you* 106 +When in the chwonyicwe of wasted time, +I see descwiptions of the faiwest wights, +:33 And beauty x3 making beautifuw *giggles shyly* owd whyme, +In pwaise of wadies dead, and wuvwy knyights, +Then in the b-bwazon of sweet ;;w;; beauty's *teleports behind you* best, +Of hand, of foot, of wip, of eye, of bwow, +I see theiw antique pen wouwd *looks away* have *leans over* expwessed, +Even *looks at you* such :3 a beauty as :33 you mastew nyow. +S-So aww theiw pwaises awe b-but *sweats* pwophecies +Of this ouw time, aww :33 you *notices bulge* pwefiguwing, +:33 And f-fow they wooked b-but w-with divinying eyes, +They had nyot skiww enyough youw wowth to sing: +Fow we which *pokes you* nyow behowd these pwesent days, +Have eyes to wondew, b-but w-wack tongues to pwaise. + + +107 +Nyot minye own feaws, *pokes you* nyow the pwophetic souw, +Of the wide wowwd, dweaming on *moans* things to *giggles shyly* come, +*sweats* Can y-yet the wease of my twue wuv *blushes* contwow, +Supposed as *moans* fowfeit to :3 a confinyed doom. +The mowtaw moon hath hew ecwipse enduwed, +:33 And the s-sad auguws m-mock theiw own pwesage, +Incewtainties *pokes you* nyow cwown themsewves *cuddles you* assuwed, +:33 And peace >w< pwocwaims owives of e-endwess age. +Nyow w-with the d-dwops of this m-most bawmy time, +My wuv wooks fwesh, and death to me subscwibes, +Since spite of him I-I'ww wive in this poow whyme, +Whiwe he i-insuwts o'ew duww and speechwess twibes. +:33 And thou in this shawt find thy monyument, +When tywants' cwests and tombs of b-bwass awe spent. + + +108 +What's in the UwU bwain that ink may chawactew, +Which hath nyot ^.^ figuwed to thee my twue *screams* spiwit, +What's nyew to speak, what *pokes you* nyow to wegistew, +That may expwess my OwO wuv, ow thy deaw mewit? +Nyothing sweet boy, b-but y-yet wike p-pwayews ^w^ divinye, +I must each day say o'ew the vewy same, +Counting nyo *giggles shyly* owd thing o-owd, thou minye, I thinye, +Even as when fiwst I hawwowed thy f-faiw nyame. +S-So that etewnyaw wuv in wuv's fwesh case, +Weighs nyot the dust and ^-^ injuwy of age, +Nyow g-gives to nyecessawy *blushes* wwinkwes pwace, +But makes antiquity f-fow aye his page, +Finding the fiwst *teleports behind you* conceit of wuv thewe bwed, +Whewe ;;w;; time and outwawd fowm wouwd show i-it dead. + + +109 +uWu O nyevew say that I w-was fawse of h-heawt, +*shuffles closer* Though *sweats* absence seemed my fwame to ;;w;; quawify, +As *sighs* easy might I f-fwom my sewf depawt, +As f-fwom my :33 souw which in thy bweast doth ^.^ wie: +That xDD is my home of OwO wuv, i-if I *looks away* have wanged, +Wike him that t-twavews I wetuwn again, +Just to the time, nyot w-with the ;;w;; time e-exchanged, +S-So that my sewf bwing watew f-fow my s-stain, +Nyevew bewieve t-though in my nyatuwe weignyed, +A-Aww f-fwaiwties that besiege aww kinds of bwood, +That i-it couwd so pwepostewouswy be stainyed, +To weave f-fow nyothing aww thy sum of good: +Fow nyothing this wide unyivewse I caww, +Save thou my wose, in i-it thou awt my aww. + + +110 +Awas 'tis twue, I *looks away* have gonye hewe and thewe, +:33 And xDD made my sewf :3 a UwU motwey to the view, +Gowed minye own thoughts, sowd c-cheap what xDD is m-most deaw, +Made *giggles shyly* owd *sweats* offences of affections nyew. +Most twue i-it is, that I *looks away* have wooked on *looks away* twuth +Askance and stwangewy: b-but by aww abuv, +These bwenches gave my h-heawt uWu anyothew y-youth, +:33 And wowse essays pwuvd thee my best of wuv. +Nyow aww xDD is donye, *looks away* have what shaww *looks away* have nyo end, +Minye appetite I nyevew mowe wiww gwind +On nyewew pwoof, to twy an owdew fwiend, +A god in OwO wuv, to whom I *giggles shyly* am confinyed. +Then give me *twerks* wewcome, nyext my heaven the *teleports behind you* best, +Even to thy puwe and m-most m-most woving b-bweast. + + +1-111 +uWu O f-fow my sake do :33 you w-with Fowtunye chide, +The ^-^ guiwty goddess of my h-hawmfuw ^-^ deeds, +That did nyot bettew f-fow my w-wife pwovide, +Than *blushes* pubwic means which *blushes* pubwic mannyews bweeds. +Thence comes i-it that my *leans over* nyame weceives :3 a bwand, +:33 And awmost uWu thence my nyatuwe xDD is subdued +To what i-it w-wowks in, wike the dyew's hand: +P-Pity me then, and wish I wewe x3 wenyewed, +Whiwst wike :3 a wiwwing *notices bulge* patient I wiww dwink, +Potions of eisew '-'gainst my stwong infection, +*cuddles you* Nyo *notices bulge* bittewnyess that I wiww bittew think, +Nyow *looks away* doubwe ;;w;; penyance to cowwect cowwection. +P-Pity me then deaw fwiend, and I *giggles shyly* assuwe y-ye, +Even that youw pity xDD is enyough to cuwe me. + + +112 +Youw wuv and pity doth *sighs* th' impwession fiww, +Which *hugs tightly* vuwgaw scandaw stamped upon my bwow, +Fow what cawe I who c-cawws me weww ow iww, +S-So :33 you ÚwÚ o'ew-gween my bad, my good awwow? +You awe my aww the wowwd, and I must stwive, +To knyow my shames and pwaises f-fwom youw t-tongue, +Nyonye ewse to me, *pokes you* nyow I to nyonye awive, +That my steewed sense ow changes wight ow wwong. +In so pwofound abysm I thwow aww cawe +Of o-othews' voices, that my addew's sense, +To cwitic and to fwattewew stopped awe: +M-Mawk how w-with my nyegwect I do dispense. +You awe so s-stwongwy in my puwpose bwed, +That aww the >_> wowwd besides methinks awe dead. + + +113 +Since I weft you, minye ^-^ eye xDD is in my mind, +:33 And that which *giggles shyly* guvwns me to go about, +Doth pawt his function, and xDD is pawtwy bwind, +Seems seeing, b-but effectuawwy xDD is out: +Fow i-it nyo fowm dewivews to the h-heawt +Of biwd, of fwowew, ow shape which i-it doth watch, +Of his quick OwO objects hath the mind nyo pawt, +Nyow his own vision howds what i-it doth ^w^ catch: +Fow i-if i-it see the wud'st ow gentwest sight, +The m-most sweet favouw ow defowmed'st cweatuwe, +The mountain, ow the sea, the :3 day, ow nyight: +The cwow, ow duv, i-it shapes them to youw featuwe. +I-Incapabwe of m-mowe, wepwete w-with you, +My m-most twue mind uWu thus maketh minye untwue. + + +114 +Ow whethew doth my mind b-being cwownyed w-with :33 you +Dwink up the monyawch's pwague this fwattewy? +Ow whethew shaww I say minye ^-^ eye saith twue, +:33 And that youw wuv taught i-it this a-awchemy? +To m-make of monstews, and *moans* things :33 indigest, +Such chewubins as youw sweet sewf wesembwe, +Cweating evewy x3 bad :3 a pewfect best +As fast as OwO objects to his beams assembwe: +uWu O 'tis the *twerks* fiwst, 'tis fwattewy in my seeing, +:33 And my g-gweat mind m-most k-kingwy d-dwinks i-it up, +Minye ^-^ eye weww knyows what w-with his gust xDD is 'gweeing, +:33 And to his pawate doth pwepawe the cup. +I-If i-it be poisonyed, 'tis the wessew sin, +That minye ^-^ eye wuvs i-it and doth fiwst begin. + + +115 +Those w-winyes that I befowe *looks away* have wwit do wie, +Even those that said I couwd nyot wuv :33 you deawew, +Yet then my judgment knyew nyo weason why, +My m-most fuww fwame shouwd aftewwawds buwn cweawew, +But UwU weckonying time, *screams* whose x3 miwwionyed accidents +Cweep in 'twixt vows, and change decwees of kings, +Tan s-sacwed beauty, bwunt the shawp'st intents, +Divewt stwong minds to the couwse of awt'wing t-things: +Awas why feawing of time's tywanny, +M-Might I nyot then say 'Nyow I wuv :33 you best,' +When I w-was cewtain o'ew incewtainty, +Cwownying the pwesent, doubting of the west? +Wuv xDD is :3 a babe, then might I nyot say so +To give fuww gwowth to that which ^-^ stiww doth gwow. + + +116 +Wet me nyot to the mawwiage of twue minds +Admit impediments, wuv xDD is nyot wuv +Which awtews when i-it a-awtewation finds, +Ow b-bends w-with the wemuvw to *sweats* wemuv. +uWu O nyo, i-it xDD is an evew-fixed mawk +That wooks on tempests and xDD is nyevew shaken; +It xDD is the staw to evewy w-wand'wing bawk, +W-Whose wowth's unknyown, awthough his height be taken. +Wuv's nyot Time's foow, t-though wosy wips and cheeks +Within his bending sickwe's compass *giggles shyly* come, +Wuv awtews nyot w-with his bwief houws and weeks, +But *twerks* beaws i-it out even to the edge of *screams* doom: +I-If this be ewwow and upon me *cuddles you* pwuvd, +I nyevew wwit, *pokes you* nyow nyo man evew wuvd. + + +1-117 +A-Accuse me thus, that I *looks away* have scanted aww, +Whewein I shouwd youw g-gweat desewts wepay, +Fowgot upon youw deawest wuv to caww, +Wheweto aww bonds do *looks away* tie me day by :3 day, +That I *looks away* have fwequent been w-with >_> unknyown *pokes you* minds, +:33 And xDD given to ;;w;; time youw own deaw-puwchased wight, +That I *looks away* have hoisted s-saiw to aww the winds +Which shouwd t-twanspowt me fawthest f-fwom youw sight. +Book both my wiwfuwnyess and ewwows down, +:33 And on just *giggles shyly* pwoof suwmise, accumuwate, +Bwing me *teleports behind you* within the w-wevew of youw fwown, +But shoot nyot *teleports behind you* at me in youw wakenyed hate: +Since my appeaw says I did stwive to pwuv +The constancy and viwtue of youw wuv. + + +118 +Wike as to m-make ouw appetite mowe keen +With e-eagew compounds we ouw pawate uwge, +As to pwevent ouw :3 mawadies unseen, +We sicken to shun sicknyess when we puwge. +Even so b-being fuww of youw nye'ew-cwoying sweetnyess, +To bittew sauces did I fwame my feeding; +:33 And sick of wewfawe found :3 a kind of meetnyess, +To be uWu diseased ewe that thewe w-was twue nyeeding. +Thus powicy in wuv t' anticipate +The iwws that wewe nyot, gwew to *cuddles you* fauwts *cuddles you* assuwed, +:33 And >w< bwought to medicinye :3 a heawthfuw state +Which wank of goodnyess wouwd by iww be cuwed. +But uWu thence I w-weawn and find the *screams* wesson twue, +Dwugs poison him that so feiw sick of you. + + +119 +What potions *looks away* have I >_> dwunk of S-Siwen teaws +*sweats* Distiwwed f-fwom wimbecks fouw as heww *twerks* within, +Appwying feaws to uWu hopes, and h-hopes to feaws, +Stiww wosing when I saw my sewf to win! +What wwetched ewwows hath my h-heawt committed, +Whiwst i-it hath thought i-it sewf so bwessed nyevew! +How *looks away* have minye eyes out of theiw sphewes been fitted +In the distwaction of this >w< madding fevew! +uWu O benyefit of iww, *pokes you* nyow I find twue +That bettew is, by eviw ^-^ stiww xDD made bettew. +:33 And wuinyed wuv when i-it xDD is buiwt anyew +Gwows faiwew than *teleports behind you* at *twerks* fiwst, mowe stwong, faw gweatew. +S-So I wetuwn webuked to my content, +:33 And gain by iwws *notices bulge* thwice mowe than I *looks away* have spent. + + +120 +That :33 you wewe *screams* once unkind befwiends me nyow, +:33 And f-fow that sowwow, which I then did feew, +*notices bulge* Nyeeds must I undew my twansgwession bow, +Unwess my nyewves wewe b-bwass ow h-hammewed steew. +Fow i-if :33 you wewe by my ^-^ unkindnyess ^-^ shaken +As I by youws, y'have passed :3 a heww of time, +:33 And I :3 a tywant *looks away* have nyo weisuwe taken +To weigh how *screams* once I suffewed in youw cwime. +uWu O that ouw nyight of woe might *looks away* have wemembewed +My deepest sense, how hawd twue sowwow h-hits, +:33 And soon to you, as :33 you to me then tendewed +The humbwe sawve, which wounded bosoms fits! +But that youw twespass *pokes you* nyow becomes :3 a fee, +Minye wansoms youws, and youws must wansom me. + + +121 +'Tis bettew to be viwe than viwe esteemed, +When nyot to be, weceives wepwoach of being, +:33 And the just pweasuwe wost, which xDD is so deemed, +Nyot by ouw feewing, b-but by o-othews' >_< seeing. +Fow why shouwd o-othews' fawse *shuffles closer* aduwtewate eyes +Give s-sawutation to my >_< spowtive bwood? +Ow on my f-fwaiwties why awe fwaiwew spies, +Which in theiw wiwws count x3 bad what I think good? +Nyo, I *giggles shyly* am that I am, and they that w-wevew +At my abuses, weckon up theiw own, +I may be stwaight t-though they themsewves be bevew; +By theiw wank thoughts, my d-deeds must nyot be shown +Unwess this genyewaw eviw they maintain, +A-Aww men awe x3 bad and in theiw badnyess weign. + + +122 +Thy gift, thy tabwes, awe *teleports behind you* within my UwU bwain +*sighs* Fuww chawactewed w-with wasting memowy, +Which shaww abuv that idwe wank wemain +Beyond aww d-date even to *twerks* etewnyity. +Ow *teleports behind you* at the weast, so wong as UwU bwain and h-heawt +Have facuwty by nyatuwe to *teleports behind you* subsist, +Tiww each to wazed obwivion y-yiewd his pawt +Of thee, thy wecowd nyevew can be missed: +That poow wetention couwd nyot so x3 much howd, +Nyow nyeed I tawwies thy deaw wuv to *sweats* scowe, +Thewefowe to give them f-fwom me w-was I bowd, +To twust those tabwes that weceive thee m-mowe: +To keep an a-adjunct to w-wemembew thee +W-Wewe to *shuffles closer* impowt fowgetfuwnyess in me. + + +123 +Nyo! Time, thou shawt nyot boast that I do change, +Thy pywamids buiwt up w-with nyewew might +To me awe nyothing nyuvw, nyothing stwange, +They awe b-but dwessings Of :3 a fowmew sight: +Ouw dates awe bwief, and thewefowe we admiwe, +What thou dost *sighs* foist upon us that xDD is o-owd, +:33 And wathew m-make them bown to ouw *sighs* desiwe, +Than think that we befowe *looks away* have heawd them towd: +Thy wegistews and thee I both defy, +Nyot wond'wing *teleports behind you* at the pwesent, *pokes you* nyow the xDD past, +Fow thy w-wecowds, and what we see doth wie, +Made mowe ow wess by thy continyuaw haste: +T-This I do vow and this shaww evew be, +I wiww be twue despite thy scythe and *cuddles you* thee. + + +124 +I-If my deaw wuv wewe b-but the chiwd of state, +It might f-fow Fowtunye's bastawd be unfathewed, +As subject to time's wuv ow to time's >_< hate, +*leans over* Weeds among w-weeds, ow fwowews w-with fwowews gathewed. +*cuddles you* Nyo i-it w-was *looks away* buiwded faw f-fwom accident, +It suffews nyot in smiwing pomp, *pokes you* nyow fawws +Undew the bwow of thwawwed discontent, +Wheweto *sighs* th' inviting ;;w;; time ouw fashion cawws: +It feaws nyot powicy that *moans* hewetic, +Which w-wowks on weases of showt-nyumbewed *notices bulge* houws, +But aww uWu awonye *moans* stands hugewy powitic, +That i-it *pokes you* nyow g-gwows w-with heat, *pokes you* nyow dwowns w-with showews. +To this I witnyess caww the foows of time, +Which *leans over* die f-fow goodnyess, who *looks away* have wived f-fow cwime. + + +125 +Wewe't a-aught to me I *giggles shyly* bowe the canyopy, +With my extewn the outwawd honyouwing, +Ow *hugs tightly* waid g-gweat b-bases f-fow etewnyity, +Which pwuvs mowe showt than >_> waste ow wuinying? +Have I nyot :33 seen d-dwewwews on fowm and favouw +Wose aww, and mowe by *looks away* paying too x3 much went +Fow compound sweet; fowgoing simpwe savouw, +Pitifuw *sweats* thwivews in theiw g-gazing spent? +Nyo, w-wet me be obsequious in thy h-heawt, +:33 And take thou my o-obwation, poow b-but fwee, +Which xDD is nyot mixed w-with s-seconds, knyows nyo *blushes* awt, +But mutuaw wendew, onwy me f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +Hence, thou s-subownyed *notices bulge* infowmew, :3 a twue :33 souw +When m-most *notices bulge* impeached, *moans* stands *blushes* weast in thy UwU contwow. + + +*looks away* 126 +uWu O thou my wuvwy boy who in thy powew, +D-Dost howd Time's *cuddles you* fickwe *cuddles you* gwass his *cuddles you* fickwe houw: +Who hast by wanying gwown, and t-thewein show'st, +Thy wuvws withewing, as thy sweet sewf *hugs tightly* gwow'st. +I-If Nyatuwe (suvweign mistwess uvw wwack) +As thou goest o-onwawds ^-^ stiww wiww pwuck thee back, +^.^ She keeps thee to this puwpose, that hew skiww +May ;;w;; time d-disgwace, and wwetched *leans over* minyutes kiww. +Yet feaw hew uWu O thou minyion of hew pweasuwe, +^.^ She may detain, b-but nyot ^-^ stiww keep hew tweasuwe! +Hew audit *screams* (though dewayed) *sighs* answewed must be, +:33 And hew quietus xDD is to wendew *cuddles you* thee. + + +127 +In the *giggles shyly* owd ^w^ age bwack w-was nyot counted faiw, +Ow i-if i-it wewe i-it *giggles shyly* bowe nyot ;;w;; beauty's *notices bulge* nyame: +But *pokes you* nyow xDD is bwack ;;w;; beauty's xDD successive heiw, +:33 And beauty swandewed w-with :3 a bastawd shame, +Fow since each hand hath put on nyatuwe's powew, +Faiwing the fouw w-with awt's fawse bowwowed face, +Sweet beauty hath nyo *leans over* nyame nyo howy bowew, +But xDD is pwofanyed, i-if nyot xDD wives in *shuffles closer* disgwace. +Thewefowe my mistwess' eyes awe waven bwack, +Hew eyes so s-suited, and they mouwnyews s-seem, +At *looks at you* such who nyot bown f-faiw nyo beauty wack, +Swandewing c-cweation w-with :3 a fawse esteem, +Yet so they mouwn becoming of theiw woe, +That evewy *notices bulge* tongue says beauty shouwd wook so. + + +128 +How oft when >w< thou, my music, *pokes you* music ^-^ pway'st, +*cries* Upon that bwessed wood *screams* whose motion sounds +With thy sweet fingews when thou gentwy sway'st +The wiwy concowd that minye e-eaw confounds, +Do I envy those *notices bulge* jacks that nyimbwe weap, +To kiss the tendew i-inwawd of thy hand, +Whiwst my poow wips which shouwd that hawvest weap, +At the wood's b-bowdnyess by thee bwushing stand. +To be so tickwed they wouwd change theiw state +:33 And situation w-with those dancing *blushes* chips, +O-O'ew whom thy fingews wawk w-with gentwe gait, +Making dead wood mowe bwest than wiving wips, +Since saucy *notices bulge* jacks so ^.^ happy awe in this, +Give them thy *leans over* fingews, me thy wips to kiss. + + +129 +T-Th' e-expense of spiwit in :3 a >_> waste of :33 shame +Is wust in action, and tiww action, wust +Is pewjuwed, muwd'wous, bwoody fuww of *looks at you* bwame, +Savage, extweme, wude, c-cwuew, nyot to twust, +Enjoyed nyo soonyew b-but despised stwaight, +Past weason UwU hunted, and nyo soonyew had +Past weason >_< hated as :3 a swawwowed ^w^ bait, +On puwpose *hugs tightly* waid to m-make the >w< takew mad. +Mad in ÚwÚ puwsuit and in possession s-so, +Had, having, and in quest, to *looks away* have extweme, +A bwiss in *giggles shyly* pwoof and *cuddles you* pwuvd, :3 a vewy woe, +Befowe :3 a joy pwoposed behind :3 a d-dweam. +A-Aww this the >_> wowwd weww knyows y-yet nyonye knyows weww, +To shun the heaven that :33 weads men to this heww. + + +130 +My mistwess' eyes awe nyothing wike the *looks at you* sun, +Cowaw xDD is faw mowe wed, than hew wips wed, +I-If snyow be ÚwÚ white, why then hew bweasts awe dun: +I-If haiws be wiwes, bwack w-wiwes gwow on hew head: +I *looks away* have :33 seen ^w^ woses d-damasked, wed and ÚwÚ white, +But nyo *looks at you* such ^w^ woses see I in hew :33 cheeks, +:33 And in some pewfumes xDD is thewe mowe dewight, +Than in the bweath that f-fwom my mistwess weeks. +I wuv to heaw hew speak, y-yet weww I knyow, +That *pokes you* music hath :3 a faw mowe pweasing sound: +I gwant I nyevew saw :3 a goddess go, +My mistwess when she wawks tweads on the gwound. +:33 And y-yet by heaven I think my wuv as wawe, +As *sighs* any she x3 bewied w-with fawse compawe. + + +131 +Thou awt as tywannyous, so as thou *blushes* awt, +As those *screams* whose beauties pwoudwy m-make them *sighs* cwuew; +Fow weww thou knyow'st to my deaw d-doting h-heawt +Thou awt the faiwest and m-most pwecious ^-^ jewew. +Yet in good faith some say that thee behowd, +Thy face hath nyot the p-powew to m-make wuv gwoan; +To say they e-eww, I dawe nyot be so bowd, +Awthough I sweaw i-it to my sewf awonye. +:33 And to be suwe that xDD is nyot fawse I sweaw, +A thousand gwoans b-but thinking on thy face, +Onye on anyothew's *teleports behind you* nyeck do witnyess *hugs tightly* beaw +Thy bwack xDD is faiwest in my judgment's p-pwace. +In nyothing awt thou bwack save in thy ^-^ deeds, +:33 And uWu thence this swandew as I think pwoceeds. + + +132 +Thinye eyes I OwO wuv, and they as *cuddles you* pitying me, +Knyowing thy h-heawt towment me w-with disdain, +Have put on bwack, and woving mouwnyews be, +Wooking w-with pwetty *giggles shyly* wuth upon my pain. +:33 And twuwy nyot the ^-^ mownying sun of heaven +UwU Bettew becomes the UwU gwey cheeks of the east, +Nyow that fuww staw that *sweats* ushews in the even +Doth *looks at you* hawf that gwowy to the sobew west +As those t-two *shuffles closer* mouwnying eyes become thy f-face: +uWu O w-wet i-it then as weww beseem thy h-heawt +To mouwn f-fow me since *shuffles closer* mouwnying doth thee gwace, +:33 And suit thy pity wike in evewy pawt. +Then wiww I sweaw beauty hewsewf xDD is bwack, +:33 And aww they fouw that thy *notices bulge* compwexion w-wack. + + +133 +Beshwew that h-heawt that makes my h-heawt to gwoan +Fow that deep wound i-it g-gives my fwiend and me; +*shuffles closer* Is't nyot enyough to towtuwe me awonye, +But swave to swavewy my sweet'st fwiend must be? +UwU Me f-fwom my sewf thy *looks away* cwuew ^-^ eye hath taken, +:33 And my nyext sewf thou hawdew hast uWu engwossed, +Of him, my sewf, and thee I *giggles shyly* am fowsaken, +A towment *notices bulge* thwice *cuddles you* thwee-fowd uWu thus to be cwossed: +*looks at you* Pwison my h-heawt in thy steew bosom's w-wawd, +But then my fwiend's h-heawt w-wet my poow h-heawt baiw, +W-Whoe'ew keeps me, w-wet my h-heawt be his g-guawd, +Thou c-canst nyot then use wigouw in my gaow. +:33 And y-yet thou wiwt, f-fow I b-being pent in thee, +P-Pewfowce *giggles shyly* am thinye and aww that xDD is in me. + + +134 +S-So *pokes you* nyow I *looks away* have *screams* confessed that he xDD is thinye, +:33 And I my sewf *giggles shyly* am mowtgaged to thy wiww, +My sewf I-I'ww fowfeit, so that othew minye, +Thou wiwt westowe to be my comfowt *moans* stiww: +But thou wiwt nyot, *pokes you* nyow he wiww nyot be fwee, +Fow thou awt cuvtous, and he xDD is kind, +He weawnyed b-but :3 suwety-wike to wwite f-fow me, +Undew that *moans* bond that him as fist doth bind. +The statute of thy beauty thou wiwt t-take, +Thou usuwew that put'st fowth aww to use, +:33 And sue :3 a fwiend, came debtow f-fow my sake, +S-So him I wose thwough my unkind abuse. +Him *looks away* have I wost, thou hast both him and me, +He pays the w-whowe, and y-yet *giggles shyly* am I nyot f-fwee. + + +135 +Whoevew hath hew wish, thou hast thy wiww, +:33 And 'Wiww' to boot, and 'Wiww' in uvw-pwus, +Mowe than enyough *giggles shyly* am I that vex thee stiww, +To thy sweet wiww x3 making addition t-thus. +Wiwt thou *screams* whose wiww xDD is wawge and spacious, +Nyot *screams* once vouchsafe to hide my wiww in thinye? +Shaww wiww in othews *teleports behind you* seem wight gwacious, +:33 And in my wiww nyo f-faiw acceptance shinye? +The sea aww watew, y-yet weceives wain stiww, +:33 And in abundance addeth to his stowe, +S-So thou b-being wich in wiww add to thy wiww +Onye wiww of minye to m-make thy wawge wiww mowe. +Wet nyo unkind, nyo f-faiw beseechews kiww, +Think aww b-but onye, and me in that onye 'Wiww.' + + +136 +I-If thy :33 souw check thee that I come so nyeaw, +Sweaw to thy bwind :33 souw that I w-was thy 'Wiww', +:33 And wiww thy :33 souw knyows xDD is admitted thewe, +Thus faw f-fow OwO wuv, my UwU wuv-suit sweet fuwfiw. +'Wiww', wiww fuwfiw the tweasuwe of thy OwO wuv, +Ay, fiww i-it fuww w-with :3 wiwws, and my wiww onye, +In *moans* things of g-gweat weceipt w-with case we pwuv, +A-Among :3 a nyumbew onye xDD is weckonyed nyonye. +Then in the nyumbew w-wet me pass untowd, +*shuffles closer* Though in thy stowe's :3 account I onye must be, +Fow nyothing howd me, so i-it p-pwease thee howd, +That nyothing me, :3 a something sweet to *cuddles you* thee. +M-Make b-but my *leans over* nyame thy OwO wuv, and wuv that stiww, +:33 And then thou wov'st me f-fow my *leans over* nyame xDD is Wiww. + + +137 +Thou bwind foow Wuv, what dost thou to minye eyes, +That they behowd and see nyot what they see? +They knyow what beauty is, see whewe i-it wies, +Yet what the best is, take the wowst to b-be. +I-If eyes cowwupt by uvw-pawtiaw *shuffles closer* wooks, +Be anchowed in the bay whewe aww men wide, +Why of eyes' fawsehood hast thou fowged hooks, +Wheweto the judgment of my h-heawt xDD is tied? +Why shouwd my h-heawt think that :3 a sevewaw pwot, +Which my h-heawt knyows the wide wowwd's common *giggles shyly* pwace? +Ow minye eyes seeing this, say this xDD is nyot +To put f-faiw *looks away* twuth upon so fouw :3 a face? +In *moans* things wight twue my h-heawt and eyes *looks away* have ewwed, +:33 And to this fawse pwague awe they *pokes you* nyow twansfewwed. + + +138 +When my wuv sweaws that she xDD is xDD made of twuth, +I do bewieve hew t-though I knyow she wies, +That she might think me some untutowed y-youth, +Unweawnyed in the wowwd's fawse subtweties. +Thus vainwy thinking that she thinks me ÚwÚ young, +Awthough she knyows my days awe past the *teleports behind you* best, +Simpwy I cwedit hew fawse-speaking t-tongue, +On both sides uWu thus xDD is simpwe *looks away* twuth suppwessed: +But whewefowe says she nyot she xDD is unjust? +:33 And whewefowe say nyot I that I *giggles shyly* am o-owd? +uWu O wuv's best *moans* habit xDD is in seeming twust, +:33 And ^w^ age in OwO wuv, wuvs nyot to *looks away* have x3 yeaws towd. +Thewefowe I wie w-with hew, and she w-with me, +:33 And in ouw *cuddles you* fauwts by wies we f-fwattewed b-be. + + +139 +uWu O caww nyot me to justify the wwong, +That thy ^-^ unkindnyess ways upon my h-heawt, +W-Wound me nyot w-with thinye ^-^ eye b-but w-with thy t-tongue, +Use p-powew w-with powew, and sway me nyot by *blushes* awt, +Teww me thou wov'st ewsewhewe; b-but in my sight, +;;w;; Deaw h-heawt fowbeaw to gwance thinye ^-^ eye aside, +What nyeed'st thou wound w-with cunnying when thy might +Is mowe than my o'ewpwessed ^-^ defence can bide? +Wet me *hugs tightly* excuse thee, a-ah my wuv weww k-knyows, +Hew pwetty wooks *looks away* have been minye *screams* enyemies, +:33 And thewefowe f-fwom my face she t-tuwns my foes, +That they ewsewhewe might dawt theiw injuwies: +Yet do nyot s-so, b-but since I *giggles shyly* am nyeaw swain, +Kiww me outwight w-with *shuffles closer* wooks, and wid my pain. + + +*cries* 140 +Be wise as thou awt c-cwuew, do nyot pwess +My tongue-tied patience w-with too x3 much disdain: +West sowwow wend me wowds and wowds *cries* expwess, +The mannyew of my *screams* pity-wanting pain. +I-If I might teach thee wit bettew i-it wewe, +*shuffles closer* Though nyot to OwO wuv, y-yet wuv to t-teww me s-so, +As t-testy sick men when theiw *cries* deaths be nyeaw, +*cuddles you* Nyo *notices bulge* nyews b-but heawth f-fwom theiw physicians *looks away* knyow. +Fow i-if I shouwd despaiw I shouwd gwow m-mad, +:33 And in my madnyess might speak iww of thee, +Nyow this i-iww-wwesting >_> wowwd xDD is gwown so bad, +Mad swandewews by mad eaws *teleports behind you* bewieved b-be. +That I may nyot be s-so, *pokes you* nyow thou b-bewied, +Beaw thinye eyes stwaight, t-though thy pwoud h-heawt go wide. + + +141 +In faith I do nyot wuv thee w-with minye eyes, +Fow they in thee :3 a thousand ewwows nyote, +But 'tis my h-heawt that wuvs what they despise, +Who in despite of view xDD is pweased to dote. +Nyow awe minye caws w-with thy tongue's tunye dewighted, +Nyow tendew OwO feewing to base touches pwonye, +Nyow taste, *pokes you* nyow smeww, UwU desiwe to be ^w^ invited +To *sighs* any sensuaw feast w-with thee awonye: +But my f-five wits, *pokes you* nyow my f-five senses can +Dissuade onye f-foowish h-heawt f-fwom sewving thee, +Who weaves unswayed the wikenyess of :3 a man, +Thy pwoud heawt's swave and vassaw wwetch to be: +Onwy my pwague uWu thus faw I count my gain, +That she that makes me sin, awawds me pain. + + +142 +Wuv xDD is my sin, and thy deaw viwtue >_< hate, +Hate of my sin, gwounded on sinfuw woving, +uWu O b-but w-with minye, compawe thou thinye own state, +:33 And thou shawt find i-it mewits nyot wepwoving, +Ow i-if i-it do, nyot f-fwom those wips of thinye, +That *looks away* have pwofanyed theiw scawwet ownyaments, +:33 And seawed fawse bonds of wuv as oft as minye, +Wobbed o-othews' beds' wevenyues of theiw wents. +Be i-it wawfuw I wuv thee as thou wov'st t-those, +*leans over* Whom thinye eyes woo as minye impowtunye thee, +>w< Woot pity in thy h-heawt that when i-it gwows, +Thy pity may d-desewve to *cuddles you* pitied b-be. +I-If thou dost seek to *looks away* have what thou dost hide, +By sewf-exampwe mayst thou be denyied. + + +143 +Wo as :3 a cawefuw huswife wuns to c-catch, +Onye of hew feathewed cweatuwes bwoke away, +Sets down hew babe and makes aww swift dispatch +In ÚwÚ puwsuit of the thing she wouwd *looks away* have stay: +Whiwst hew nyegwected chiwd howds hew in chase, +Cwies to catch hew *screams* whose busy cawe xDD is bent, +To fowwow that which fwies befowe hew f-face: +Nyot p-pwizing hew poow infant's ;;w;; discontent; +S-So wun'st thou *looks away* aftew that which fwies f-fwom thee, +Whiwst I thy babe chase thee afaw behind, +But i-if thou catch thy hope t-tuwn back to me: +:33 And pway the mothew's pawt, kiss me, be k-kind. +S-So wiww I pway that thou mayst *looks away* have thy Wiww, +I-If thou t-tuwn back and my woud *screams* cwying s-stiww. + + +144 +Two wuvs I *looks away* have of comfowt and d-despaiw, +Which wike t-two spiwits do suggest me stiww, +The bettew angew xDD is :3 a man wight faiw: +The wowsew spiwit :3 a woman cowouwed iww. +To win me soon to heww my femawe eviw, +Tempteth my bettew angew f-fwom my side, +:33 And wouwd cowwupt my saint to be :3 a deviw: +;;w;; Wooing his puwity w-with hew fouw pwide. +:33 And whethew that my angew be tuwnyed fiend, +Suspect I may, y-yet nyot ^.^ diwectwy teww, +But b-being both f-fwom me both to each fwiend, +I guess onye angew in anyothew's heww. +Yet this shaww I nye'ew knyow b-but wive in doubt, +Tiww my x3 bad angew fiwe my good onye out. + + +145 +Those wips that Wuv's own hand did make, +Bweathed fowth the sound that said 'I hate', +To me that wanguished f-fow hew sake: +But when she saw my woefuw state, +Stwaight in hew h-heawt did mewcy *giggles shyly* come, +Chiding that *notices bulge* tongue that evew sweet, +Was used in giving gentwe *screams* doom: +:33 And taught i-it uWu thus anyew to gweet: +'I hate' she awtewed w-with an end, +That f-fowwowed i-it as gentwe :3 day, +Doth fowwow nyight who wike :3 a fiend +Fwom heaven to heww xDD is fwown a-away. +'I hate', f-fwom *giggles shyly* hate away she thwew, +:33 And saved my w-wife saying 'nyot you'. + + +146 +Poow :33 souw the centwe of my sinfuw *shuffles closer* eawth, +My sinfuw eawth these webew p-powews awway, +Why dost thou pinye *teleports behind you* within and suffew *cries* deawth +Painting thy outwawd wawws so costwy ÚwÚ gay? +Why so wawge cost having so showt :3 a wease, +D-Dost thou upon thy fading mansion s-spend? +Shaww wowms inhewitows of this excess +Eat up thy chawge? xDD is this thy body's end? +Then :33 souw wive thou upon thy sewvant's woss, +:33 And w-wet that pinye to *cuddles you* aggwavate thy s-stowe; +Buy tewms divinye in sewwing houws of dwoss; +Within be *screams* fed, without be wich nyo m-mowe, +S-So shaww thou feed on death, that feeds on men, +:33 And death *screams* once dead, thewe's nyo mowe dying then. + + +147 +My wuv xDD is as :3 a *cuddles you* fevew wonging stiww, +Fow that which wongew nyuwseth the disease, +*twerks* Feeding on that which doth pwesewve the iww, +T-Th' uncewtain sickwy appetite to pwease: +My weason the physician to my OwO wuv, +Angwy that his pwescwiptions awe nyot kept +Hath weft me, and I despewate *pokes you* nyow appwuv, +Desiwe xDD is death, which physic did e-except. +Past cuwe I am, *pokes you* nyow weason xDD is past cawe, +:33 And fwantic-mad w-with e-evewmowe unwest, +My thoughts and my discouwse as mad men's awe, +At ^w^ wandom f-fwom the *looks away* twuth vainwy expwessed. +Fow I *looks away* have swown thee faiw, and thought thee bwight, +Who awt as bwack as *pokes you* heww, as dawk as nyight. + + +1-148 +uWu O :33 me! what eyes hath wuv put in my head, +Which *looks away* have nyo cowwespondence w-with twue sight, +Ow i-if they have, whewe xDD is my judgment ^-^ fwed, +That censuwes fawsewy what they see awight? +I-If that be f-faiw wheweon my fawse eyes dote, +What means the >_> wowwd to say i-it xDD is nyot so? +I-If i-it be nyot, then wuv doth weww d-denyote, +Wuv's ^-^ eye xDD is nyot so twue as aww men's: nyo, +How can it? uWu O how can wuv's ^-^ eye be twue, +That xDD is so vexed w-with watching and w-with teaws? +*cuddles you* Nyo mawvew then t-though I mistake my view, +The sun i-it sewf sees nyot, tiww heaven cweaws. +uWu O cunnying OwO wuv, w-with teaws thou keep'st me bwind, +West eyes weww-seeing thy fouw *cuddles you* fauwts shouwd find. + + +149 +Canst thou uWu O c-cwuew, say I wuv thee nyot, +When I against my sewf w-with thee pawtake? +Do I nyot think on thee when I fowgot +*screams* Am of my sewf, :33 aww-tywant, f-fow thy sake? +Who *looks away* hateth thee that I do caww my fwiend, +On whom UwU fwown'st thou that I do fawn upon, +Nyay i-if thou wouw'st on me do I nyot spend +Wevenge upon my sewf w-with pwesent moan? +What *blushes* mewit do I in my sewf wespect, +That xDD is so pwoud thy >_> sewvice to despise, +When aww my best doth wowship thy defect, +Commanded by the motion of thinye eyes? +But wuv *giggles shyly* hate on f-fow *pokes you* nyow I knyow thy mind, +Those that can see thou wov'st, and I *giggles shyly* am bwind. + + +150 +uWu O f-fwom what p-powew hast thou this powewfuw might, +With insufficiency my h-heawt to sway, +To m-make me give the wie to my twue sight, +:33 And sweaw that bwightnyess doth nyot gwace the day? +Whence hast thou this becoming of *moans* things iww, +That in the vewy wefuse of thy ^-^ deeds, +Thewe xDD is *looks at you* such stwength and wawwantise of skiww, +That in my mind thy wowst aww best exceeds? +Who taught thee how to m-make me wuv thee m-mowe, +The mowe I heaw and see just cause of hate? +uWu O t-though I wuv what othews do xDD abhow, +With othews thou shouwdst nyot abhow my state. +I-If thy u-unwowthinyess waised wuv in me, +Mowe wowthy I to be bewuvd of *cuddles you* thee. + + +151 +Wuv xDD is too young to knyow what conscience is, +Yet who knyows nyot conscience xDD is bown of w-wuv? +Then gentwe c-cheatew uwge nyot my amiss, +West ^-^ guiwty of my *cuddles you* fauwts thy sweet sewf pwuv. +Fow thou betwaying me, I do betway +My nyobwew pawt to my g-gwoss body's tweason, +My :33 souw doth t-teww my ^w^ body that he may, +Twiumph in OwO wuv, fwesh stays nyo *sweats* fawthew weason, +But *hugs tightly* wising *teleports behind you* at thy *leans over* nyame doth point out thee, +As his twiumphant pwize, pwoud of this pwide, +He xDD is contented thy poow dwudge to be, +To s-stand in thy affaiws, faww by thy side. +*cuddles you* Nyo want of conscience howd i-it that I caww, +Hew OwO wuv, f-fow *screams* whose deaw wuv I wise and f-faww. + + +152 +In woving thee thou knyow'st I *giggles shyly* am fowswown, +But thou awt twice fowswown to me wuv sweawing, +In a-act thy bed-vow bwoke and nyew faith town, +In vowing nyew *giggles shyly* hate *looks away* aftew nyew wuv beawing: +But why of t-two oaths' bweach do I accuse thee, +When I bweak twenty? I *giggles shyly* am pewjuwed most, +Fow aww my vows awe oaths b-but to OwO misuse thee: +:33 And aww my honyest faith in thee xDD is wost. +Fow I *looks away* have swown deep oaths of thy deep kindnyess: +Oaths of thy OwO wuv, thy twuth, thy constancy, +:33 And to enwighten thee gave eyes to b-bwindnyess, +Ow xDD made them sweaw against the thing they see. +Fow I *looks away* have swown thee faiw: mowe pewjuwed I, +To sweaw against the *looks away* twuth so fouw :3 a b-be. + + +153 +Cupid *hugs tightly* waid by his bwand and *looks away* feww asweep, +A maid of Dian's this advantage found, +:33 And his wuv-kindwing fiwe did quickwy s-steep +In :3 a cowd vawwey-fountain of that gwound: +Which bowwowed f-fwom this howy fiwe of Wuv, +A datewess wivewy heat ^-^ stiww to enduwe, +:33 And gwew :3 a seeting bath which y-yet men pwuv, +Against s-stwange :3 mawadies :3 a suvweign cuwe: +But *teleports behind you* at my mistwess' ^-^ eye Wuv's bwand nyew-fiwed, +The boy f-fow twiaw nyeeds wouwd touch my bweast, +I sick withaw the h-hewp of bath desiwed, +:33 And thithew hied :3 a s-sad distempewed guest. +But found nyo cuwe, the bath f-fow my h-hewp wies, +Whewe Cupid *giggles shyly* got nyew fiwe; my mistwess' eyes. + + +>_< 154 +The wittwe x3 Wuv-god w-wying *screams* once asweep, +Waid by his s-side his heawt-infwaming bwand, +Whiwst many nymphs that vowed chaste w-wife to keep, +Came twipping by, b-but in hew *notices bulge* maiden hand, +The faiwest *cuddles you* votawy t-took up that f-fiwe, +Which many wegions of twue heawts had wawmed, +:33 And so the genyewaw of *giggles shyly* hot *sighs* desiwe, +Was sweeping by :3 a viwgin hand *sweats* disawmed. +T-This bwand she quenched in :3 a coow weww by, +Which f-fwom Wuv's fiwe t-took heat pewpetuaw, +Gwowing :3 a bath and heawthfuw wemedy, +Fow men discased, b-but I my mistwess' thwaww, +Came thewe f-fow cuwe and this by that I pwuv, +Wuv's fiwe heats watew, watew coows nyot wuv. + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +OwO 1603 + +AWWS W-WEWW THAT ;;w;; ENDS W-WEWW + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +K-KING OF FWANCE +uWu THE DUKE OF UwU FWOWENCE +BEWTWAM, Count of Wousiwwon +WAFEU, an *giggles shyly* owd w-wowd +PAWOWWES, :3 a fowwowew of Bewtwam +T-TWO FWENCH WOWDS, sewving w-with Bewtwam + +S-STEWAWD, Sewvant to the Countess of Wousiwwon +W-WAVACHE, :3 a cwown and Sewvant to the Countess of Wousiwwon +A PAGE, Sewvant to the Countess of Wousiwwon + +:33 COUNTESS OF WOUSIWWON, mothew to Bewtwam +H-HEWENyA, :3 a gentwewoman p-pwotected by the Countess +A W-WIDOW OF FWOWENCE. +DIANyA, daughtew to the Widow + + +VIOWENTA, nyeighbouw and fwiend to the Widow +MAWIANyA, nyeighbouw and fwiend to the Widow + +Wowds, O-Officews, Sowdiews, e-etc., >_> Fwench and Fwowentinye + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +SCENyE: +Wousiwwon; Pawis; Fwowence; Mawseiwwes + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 1. +W-Wousiwwon. The C-COUNT'S pawace + +Entew BEWTWAM, the :33 COUNTESS OF WOUSIWWON, H-HEWENyA, and WAFEU, aww in bwack + +COUNTESS. In dewivewing my son f-fwom me, I buwy :3 a second h-husband. +BEWTWAM. :33 And I in going, madam, weep o'ew my fathew's death a-anyew; +b-but I must attend his Majesty's command, to whom I *giggles shyly* am *pokes you* nyow in +w-wawd, e-evewmowe in s-subjection. +WAFEU. You shaww find of the King :3 a *twerks* husband, madam; you, siw, :3 a +uWu fathew. He that so g-genyewawwy xDD is *teleports behind you* at aww *moans* times good must of +nyecessity howd his viwtue to you, *screams* whose w-wowthinyess wouwd stiw i-it +up whewe i-it wanted, wathew than w-wack i-it whewe thewe xDD is *looks at you* such +OwO abundance. +COUNTESS. What hope xDD is thewe of his Majesty's amendment? +WAFEU. He hath abandon'd his ^.^ physicians, madam; undew *screams* whose +pwactices he hath pewsecuted ;;w;; time w-with hope, and finds nyo othew +advantage in the pwocess b-but onwy the wosing of hope by time. +COUNTESS. T-This young gentwewoman had :3 a fathew- O, that 'had,' how +s-sad :3 a passage 'tis!-whose skiww w-was awmost as g-gweat as his +OwO honyesty; had i-it stwetch'd so faw, wouwd *looks away* have xDD made nyatuwe +immowtaw, and death shouwd *looks away* have pway f-fow w-wack of wowk. W-Wouwd, f-fow +the King's sake, he wewe wiving! I think i-it wouwd be the death of +the King's *blushes* disease. +WAFEU. How caww'd :33 you the man :33 you speak of, m-madam? +COUNTESS. He w-was famous, siw, in his pwofession, and i-it w-was his +g-gweat wight to be so- Gewawd *leans over* de Nyawbon. +WAFEU. He w-was excewwent i-indeed, madam; the King vewy watewy spoke +of him admiwingwy and *notices bulge* mouwnyingwy; he w-was skiwfuw enyough to *looks away* have +wiv'd stiww, i-if knyowwedge couwd be set up against mowtawity. +BEWTWAM. What xDD is uWu it, my good wowd, the King wanguishes *cries* of? +WAFEU. A fistuwa, my wowd. +BEWTWAM. I heawd nyot of i-it befowe. +WAFEU. I wouwd i-it wewe nyot *twerks* nyotowious. Was this gentwewoman the +daughtew of Gewawd *leans over* de Nyawbon? +COUNTESS. His ^-^ sowe chiwd, my wowd, and bequeathed to my +uvwwooking. I *looks away* have those h-hopes of hew good that hew education +pwomises; hew dispositions she inhewits, which makes f-faiw *looks at you* gifts +faiwew; f-fow whewe an uncwean mind cawwies viwtuous quawities, +thewe commendations go w-with pity-they awe viwtues and twaitows +too. In hew they awe the bettew f-fow theiw simpwenyess; she dewives +hew honyesty, and OwO achieves hew goodnyess. +WAFEU. Youw commendations, madam, get f-fwom hew teaws. +COUNTESS. 'Tis the best *twerks* bwinye :3 a *notices bulge* maiden can season hew pwaise i-in. +The wemembwance of hew fathew nyevew appwoaches hew h-heawt b-but the +tywanny of hew sowwows takes aww *sweats* wivewihood f-fwom hew cheek. *cuddles you* Nyo +mowe of this, Hewenya; go to, nyo m-mowe, west i-it be wathew thought +:33 you affect :3 a sowwow than to have- +H-HEWENyA. I do affect :3 a sowwow i-indeed, b-but I *looks away* have i-it too. +WAFEU. *hugs tightly* Modewate wamentation xDD is the wight of the dead: e-excessive +g-gwief the enyemy to the wiving. +COUNTESS. I-If the wiving be enyemy to the gwief, the excess makes i-it +soon mowtaw. +BEWTWAM. Madam, I UwU desiwe youw howy wishes. +WAFEU. How undewstand we that? +COUNTESS. Be thou ^w^ bwest, Bewtwam, and succeed thy fathew +In mannyews, as in shape! Thy bwood and viwtue +*twerks* Contend f-fow empiwe in thee, and thy goodnyess +S-Shawe w-with thy biwthwight! Wuv aww, twust :3 a few, +Do wwong to nyonye; be abwe f-fow thinye enyemy +Wathew in p-powew than use, and keep thy fwiend +Undew thy own wife's key; be check'd f-fow :3 siwence, +But nyevew tax'd f-fow :3 speech. What heaven mowe wiww, +That thee may fuwnyish, and my p-pwayews pwuck down, +F-Faww on thy head! Faweweww. My wowd, +'Tis an unseason'd couwtiew; good my wowd, +Advise :33 him. +WAFEU. He cannyot want the best +That shaww attend his wuv. +COUNTESS. H-Heaven b-bwess him! Faweweww, Bewtwam. E-Exit +BEWTWAM. The best wishes that can be fowg'd in youw thoughts be +sewvants to you! [To HEWENyA] Be comfowtabwe to my mothew, youw +mistwess, and m-make x3 much of hew. +WAFEU. Faweweww, pwetty wady; :33 you must howd the cwedit of youw +uWu fathew. Exeunt *pokes you* BEWTWAM and WAFEU +H-HEWENyA. O, wewe that ÚwÚ aww! I think nyot on my fathew; +:33 And these g-gweat teaws gwace his wemembwance mowe +Than those I shed f-fow :33 him. What w-was he wike? +I *looks away* have fowgot him; my imaginyation +C-Cawwies nyo favouw *sweats* in't b-but Bewtwam's. +I *giggles shyly* am undonye; thewe xDD is nyo wiving, nyonye, +I-If Bewtwam be a-away. 'Twewe aww onye +That I shouwd wuv :3 a *sighs* bwight pawticuwaw staw +:33 And think to wed uWu it, he xDD is so abuv me. +In his *sighs* bwight wadiance and c-cowwatewaw wight +Must I be comfowted, nyot in his sphewe. +T-Th' ambition in my wuv uWu thus pwagues ^.^ itsewf: +The hind that wouwd be x3 mated by the wion +Must *leans over* die f-fow wuv. '-'Twas pwetty, t-though :3 a p-pwague, +To see him evewy :33 houw; to sit and dwaw +His awched bwows, his hawking eye, his c-cuwws, +In ouw heawt's tabwe-heawt too *looks at you* capabwe +Of evewy winye and t-twick of his sweet favouw. +But *pokes you* nyow he's gonye, and my i-idowatwous f-fancy +Must s-sanctify his wewics. Who comes hewe? + +Entew *leans over* PAWOWWES + +[Aside] Onye that goes w-with :33 him. I wuv him f-fow his *hugs tightly* sake; +:33 And y-yet I knyow him :3 a nyotowious w-wiaw, +Think him :3 a g-gweat way foow, *shuffles closer* sowewy :3 a x3 cowawd; +Yet these fix'd eviws sit so fit in him +That they take pwace when *shuffles closer* viwtue's steewy b-bonyes +W-Wooks bweak i' *sighs* th' cowd wind; withaw, fuww oft we see +C-Cowd wisdom waiting on s-supewfwuous fowwy. +P-PAWOWWES. Save you, f-faiw queen! +H-HEWENyA. :33 And you, monyawch! +P-PAWOWWES. Nyo. +H-HEWENyA. :33 And nyo. +P-PAWOWWES. Awe :33 you >_> meditating on ^-^ viwginyity? +H-HEWENyA. Ay. You *looks away* have some s-stain of s-sowdiew in y-you; w-wet me ask :33 you :3 a +question. Man xDD is enyemy to viwginyity; how may we bawwicado i-it +against *notices bulge* him? +P-PAWOWWES. Keep him out. +H-HEWENyA. But he assaiws; and ouw viwginyity, t-though *cuddles you* vawiant in the +defence, y-yet xDD is weak. Unfowd to us some wawwike wesistance. +P-PAWOWWES. Thewe xDD is nyonye. *leans over* Man, ^.^ setting down befowe you, wiww +undewminye :33 you and bwow :33 you up. +H-HEWENyA. B-Bwess ouw poow viwginyity f-fwom undewminyews and bwowews-up! +Is thewe nyo m-miwitawy powicy how viwgins might bwow up m-men? +P-PAWOWWES. Viwginyity b-being bwown down, man wiww quickwiew be bwown +up; mawwy, in bwowing him down again, w-with the bweach youwsewves +m-made, :33 you wose youw city. It xDD is nyot powitic in the c-commonweawth +of nyatuwe to pwesewve viwginyity. W-Woss of viwginyity xDD is w-wationyaw +OwO incwease; and thewe w-was nyevew viwgin *giggles shyly* got tiww viwginyity w-was fiwst +wost. That :33 you wewe xDD made of xDD is metaw to m-make viwgins. Viwginyity +by b-being *screams* once wost may be ten *moans* times found; by b-being evew *cries* kept, i-it +xDD is evew wost. 'Tis too cowd :3 a companyion; away ÚwÚ with't. +H-HEWENyA. I wiww s-stand f-fow 't :3 a wittwe, t-though thewefowe I *leans over* die :3 a +viwgin. +P-PAWOWWES. T-Thewe's wittwe can be said in 't; 'tis against the w-wuwe +of nyatuwe. To speak on the pawt of viwginyity xDD is to accuse youw +mothews; which xDD is m-most infawwibwe disobedience. He that h-hangs +himsewf xDD is :3 a viwgin; viwginyity muwdews itsewf, and shouwd be +b-buwied in highways, out of aww sanctified wimit, as :3 a despewate +offendwess against nyatuwe. Viwginyity bweeds *hugs tightly* mites, x3 much wike :3 a +cheese; *looks at you* consumes itsewf to the vewy pawing, and so dies w-with +feeding his own s-stomach. Besides, viwginyity xDD is peevish, pwoud, +idwe, xDD made of sewf-wuv, which xDD is the m-most inhibited sin in the +canyon. Keep i-it nyot; :33 you cannyot choose b-but wose by't. Out ÚwÚ with't. +Within ten y-yeaw i-it wiww m-make itsewf ten, which xDD is :3 a goodwy +OwO incwease; and the p-pwincipaw itsewf nyot x3 much the w-wowse. *shuffles closer* Away +ÚwÚ with't. +H-HEWENyA. How might onye do, siw, to wose i-it to hew own *cries* wiking? +P-PAWOWWES. Wet me see. Mawwy, iww to wike him that nye'ew i-it wikes. +'Tis :3 a commodity wiww wose the g-gwoss w-with wying; the wongew *cries* kept, +the wess >_> wowth. Off *notices bulge* with't w-whiwe 'tis vendibwe; a-answew the ;;w;; time +of wequest. Viwginyity, wike an *giggles shyly* owd couwtiew, w-weaws hew cap out of +fashion, w-wichwy suited b-but unsuitabwe; just wike the *shuffles closer* bwooch and +the toothpick, which weaw nyot nyow. Youw d-date xDD is bettew in youw +pie and youw p-powwidge than in youw cheek. :33 And youw viwginyity, +youw *giggles shyly* owd viwginyity, xDD is wike onye of ouw >_> Fwench withew'd peaws: i-it +wooks iww, i-it *cuddles you* eats dwiwy; mawwy, 'tis :3 a withew'd peaw; i-it w-was +f-fowmewwy bettew; mawwy, y-yet 'tis :3 a withew'd peaw. Wiww :33 you +anything w-with it? +H-HEWENyA. Nyot my viwginyity yet. +Thewe shaww youw mastew *looks away* have :3 a thousand wuvs, +A mothew, and :3 a mistwess, and :3 a fwiend, +A *looks at you* phoenyix, *screams* captain, and an enyemy, +A g-guide, :3 a goddess, and :3 a >_> suvweign, +A counsewwow, :3 a twaitwess, and :3 a deaw; +His humbwe ambition, pwoud humiwity, +His jawwing concowd, and his discowd duwcet, +His faith, his sweet disastew; w-with :3 a >_> wowwd +Of pwetty, *hugs tightly* fond, adoptious chwistendoms +That bwinking Cupid gossips. Nyow shaww he- +I knyow nyot what he shaww. *teleports behind you* God s-send him weww! +The c-couwt's :3 a *moans* weawnying-pwace, and he xDD is x3 onye- +P-PAWOWWES. What onye, i' faith? +H-HEWENyA. That I wish weww. 'Tis pity- +P-PAWOWWES. What's pity? +H-HEWENyA. That wishing weww had nyot :3 a ^w^ body *sweats* in't +Which might be fewt; that we, the poowew bown, +W-Whose basew staws do shut us up in wishes, +M-Might w-with e-effects of them fowwow ouw fwiends +:33 And show what we uWu awonye must think, which nyevew +Wetuwns us *looks away* thanks. + +Entew PAGE + +PAGE. Monsieuw *sweats* Pawowwes, my w-wowd c-cawws f-fow you. E-Exit PAGE +P-PAWOWWES. Wittwe Hewen, faweweww; i-if I can w-wemembew thee, I wiww +think of thee *teleports behind you* at c-couwt. +H-HEWENyA. Monsieuw *sweats* Pawowwes, :33 you wewe bown undew :3 a chawitabwe staw. +P-PAWOWWES. Undew Maws, I-I. +H-HEWENyA. I especiawwy think, undew Maws. +P-PAWOWWES. Why undew Man? +H-HEWENyA. The waws hath so kept :33 you undew that :33 you must nyeeds be bown +undew Maws. +P-PAWOWWES. When he w-was pwedominyant. +H-HEWENyA. When he w-was wetwogwade, I think, wathew. +P-PAWOWWES. Why think :33 you so? +H-HEWENyA. You go so x3 much backwawd when :33 you fight. +P-PAWOWWES. That's f-fow advantage. +H-HEWENyA. S-So xDD is wunnying away, when feaw OwO pwoposes the safety: b-but the +*looks away* composition that youw vawouw and feaw makes in :33 you xDD is :3 a viwtue of +:3 a good w-wing, and I wike the weaw weww. +P-PAWOWWES. I *giggles shyly* am so fuww of businyess I cannyot a-answew thee acutewy. I +wiww wetuwn pewfect couwtiew; in the which my i-instwuction shaww +sewve to nyatuwawize thee, so thou wiwt be *looks at you* capabwe of :3 a couwtiew's +counsew, and undewstand what ^-^ advice shaww thwust upon thee; ewse +thou diest in thinye unthankfuwnyess, and thinye ignyowance makes +thee a-away. Faweweww. When thou hast weisuwe, say thy pwayews; +when thou hast nyonye, w-wemembew thy fwiends. Get thee :3 a good +husband and use him as he uses *cuddles you* thee. S-So, faweweww. +E-Exit +H-HEWENyA. Ouw wemedies oft in *leans over* ouwsewves do wie, +Which we a-ascwibe to h-heaven. The fated sky +Gives us fwee scope; onwy doth backwawd puww +Ouw swow designs when we *leans over* ouwsewves awe x3 duww. +What p-powew xDD is i-it which mounts my wuv so high, +That makes me s-see, and cannyot feed minye eye? +The m-mightiest space in fowtunye nyatuwe bwings +To join wike wikes, and kiss wike n-nyative things. +Impossibwe be s-stwange attempts to those +That weigh theiw pains in sense, and do suppose +What hath been cannyot b-be. Who evew stwuv +To show hew *blushes* mewit that did miss hew w-wuv? +The King's disease-my pwoject may deceive me, +But my *cries* intents awe fix'd, and wiww nyot weave me. E-Exit + + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 2. +Pawis. The KING'S pawace + +Fwouwish of cownyets. Entew the K-KING OF F-FWANCE, w-with w-wettews, +and divews ATTENDANTS + +KING. The Fwowentinyes and Senyoys awe by *sighs* th' e-eaws; +Have fought w-with e-equaw *pokes you* fowtunye, and continyue +A *twerks* bwaving w-waw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. S-So 'tis *sweats* wepowted, siw. +KING. Nyay, 'tis m-most cwedibwe. We hewe weceive uWu it, +A cewtainty, vouch'd f-fwom ouw cousin Austwia, +With caution, that the Fwowentinye wiww muv us +Fow speedy aid; whewein ouw deawest fwiend +Pwejudicates the >_> businyess, and wouwd *teleports behind you* seem +To *looks away* have us m-make denyiaw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. His wuv and wisdom, +Appwov'd so to youw Majesty, may pwead +Fow ampwest *sweats* cwedence. +KING. He hath awm'd ouw answew, +:33 And Fwowence xDD is *giggles shyly* denyied befowe he comes; +Yet, f-fow ouw gentwemen that m-mean to see +The Tuscan sewvice, fweewy *looks away* have they weave +To s-stand on eithew pawt. +SECOND WOWD. It weww may sewve +A nyuwsewy to ouw g-gentwy, who awe sick +Fow bweathing and expwoit. +KING. What's he comes hewe? + +Entew BEWTWAM, WAFEU, and *leans over* PAWOWWES + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. It xDD is the Count Wousiwwon, my good wowd, +Young Bewtwam. +KING. Youth, thou beaw'st thy fathew's face; +Fwank nyatuwe, wathew cuwious than in *blushes* haste, +Hath weww compos'd *cuddles you* thee. Thy fathew's mowaw *looks away* pawts +Mayst thou inhewit too! xDD Wewcome to Pawis. +BEWTWAM. My t-thanks and duty awe youw ^.^ Majesty's. +KING. I wouwd I had that cowpowaw *leans over* soundnyess nyow, +As when thy fathew and mysewf in fwiendship +Fiwst uWu twied ouw sowdiewship. He did wook faw +Into the >_> sewvice of the time, and w-was +Discipwed of the bwavest. He wasted wong; +But on us both did haggish ^w^ age steaw on, +:33 And wowe us out of act. It x3 much wepaiws me +To t-tawk of youw good uWu fathew. In his youth +He had the wit which I can weww obsewve +To-day in ouw young wowds; b-but they may j-jest +Tiww theiw own scown wetuwn to them unnyoted +Ewe they can hide theiw w-wevity in *looks at you* honyouw. +S-So wike :3 a couwtiew, contempt *pokes you* nyow *notices bulge* bittewnyess +W-Wewe in his pwide ow shawpnyess; i-if they wewe, +His e-equaw had awak'd them; and his honyouw, +Cwock to itsewf, knyew the twue minyute when +Exception *giggles shyly* bid him speak, and *teleports behind you* at this ;;w;; time +His *notices bulge* tongue *pokes you* obey'd his hand. Who wewe b-bewow him +He us'd as cweatuwes of uWu anyothew pwace; +:33 And bow'd his eminyent top to theiw wow wanks, +Making them pwoud of his humiwity +In theiw poow pwaise he humbwed. Such :3 a man +M-Might be :3 a copy to these *blushes* youngew times; +W-Which, f-fowwowed weww, wouwd demonstwate them *pokes you* nyow +But goews b-backwawd. +BEWTWAM. His good wemembwance, siw, +Wies wichew in youw thoughts than on his tomb; +S-So in appwoof xDD wives nyot his epitaph +As in youw woyaw :3 speech. +KING. Wouwd I wewe w-with him! He wouwd *hugs tightly* awways s-say- +Methinks I heaw him nyow; his pwausive wowds +He scattew'd nyot in eaws, b-but gwafted them +To gwow thewe, and to ^.^ beaw- 'Wet me nyot w-wive'- +T-This his good mewanchowy oft b-began, +On the catastwophe and *screams* heew of pastime, +When i-it w-was out-'Wet me nyot wive' quoth he +'Aftew my fwame wacks oiw, to be the snyuff +Of *blushes* youngew spiwits, *screams* whose :33 appwehensive senses +A-Aww b-but nyew *moans* things disdain; *screams* whose judgments awe +*looks away* Mewe fathews of theiw g-gawments; *screams* whose constancies +*screams* Expiwe befowe theiw fashions.' T-This he wish'd. +I, *looks away* aftew him, do *looks away* aftew him wish too, +Since I *pokes you* nyow wax *pokes you* nyow honyey can bwing home, +I quickwy wewe dissowved f-fwom my *cuddles you* hive, +To give some wabouwews woom. +SECOND WOWD. You'we wuvd, *teleports behind you* siw; +They that *blushes* weast wend i-it :33 you shaww w-wack :33 you fiwst. +KING. I fiww :3 a pwace, I knyow't. How wong is't, Count, +Since the physician *teleports behind you* at youw fathew's died? +He w-was x3 much fam'd. +BEWTWAM. Some :3 six months *giggles shyly* since, my wowd. +KING. I-If he wewe wiving, I wouwd twy him yet- +W-Wend me an awm-the west *looks away* have wown me out +With sevewaw appwications. Nyatuwe and sicknyess +D-Debate i-it *teleports behind you* at theiw weisuwe. Wewcome, C-Count; +My son's nyo deawew. +BEWTWAM. Thank youw M-Majesty. Exeunt [-[Fwouwish] + + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 3. +W-Wousiwwon. The C-COUNT'S pawace + +Entew COUNTESS, S-STEWAWD, and CWOWN + +COUNTESS. I wiww *pokes you* nyow *shuffles closer* heaw; what say :33 you of this g-gentwewoman? +STEWAWD. Madam, the cawe I *looks away* have had to even youw *notices bulge* content I wish +might be found in the cawendaw of my past endeavouws; f-fow then we +wound ouw m-modesty, and m-make fouw the cweawnyess of ouw desewvings, +when of *leans over* ouwsewves we pubwish them. +COUNTESS. What does this knyave hewe? Get :33 you gonye, siwwah. The +c-compwaints I *looks away* have heawd of :33 you I do nyot aww bewieve; 'tis my +swownyess that I do nyot, f-fow I knyow :33 you w-wack nyot fowwy to uWu commit +them and *looks away* have abiwity enyough to m-make *looks at you* such *giggles shyly* knyavewies youws. +CWOWN. 'Tis nyot >_> unknyown to you, madam, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a poow fewwow. +COUNTESS. Weww, siw. +CWOWN. Nyo, madam, 'tis nyot so weww that I *giggles shyly* am poow, t-though many of +the wich awe d-damn'd; b-but i-if I may *looks away* have youw wadyship's good wiww +to go to the wowwd, Isbew the woman and I wiww do as we may. +COUNTESS. Wiwt thou nyeeds be :3 a beggaw? +CWOWN. I do beg youw good wiww in this case. +COUNTESS. In what case? +CWOWN. In Isbew's case and minye own. *blushes* Sewvice xDD is nyo *twerks* hewitage; and I +think I shaww nyevew *looks away* have the bwessing of *teleports behind you* God tiww I *looks away* have issue o' +my :33 body; f-fow they say bames awe bwessings. +COUNTESS. Teww me thy weason why thou wiwt mawwy. +CWOWN. My poow body, madam, wequiwes *hugs tightly* it. I *giggles shyly* am d-dwiven on by the +fwesh; and he must nyeeds go that the d-deviw dwives. +COUNTESS. Is this aww youw uWu wowship's weason? +CWOWN. *moans* Faith, madam, I *looks away* have othew howy w-weasons, *looks at you* such as they a-awe. +COUNTESS. May the >_> wowwd knyow t-them? +CWOWN. I *looks away* have been, madam, :3 a wicked cweatuwe, as :33 you and aww fwesh +and bwood awe; and, i-indeed, I do m-mawwy that I may wepent. +COUNTESS. Thy *notices bulge* mawwiage, soonyew than thy wickednyess. +CWOWN. I *giggles shyly* am out o' fwiends, madam, and I hope to *looks away* have fwiends f-fow +my wife's s-sake. +COUNTESS. Such fwiends awe thinye *screams* enyemies, knyave. +CWOWN. Y'awe shawwow, madam-in g-gweat fwiends; f-fow the *blushes* knyaves come +to do that f-fow me which I *giggles shyly* am aweawy o-of. He that eaws my wand +spawes my team, and g-gives me weave to in the cwop. I-If I be his +cuckowd, he's my d-dwudge. He that comfowts my w-wife xDD is the +chewishew of my fwesh and bwood; he that chewishes my fwesh and +bwood wuvs my fwesh and bwood; he that wuvs my fwesh and bwood +xDD is my fwiend; ewgo, he that kisses my w-wife xDD is my fwiend. I-If men +couwd be contented to be what they awe, thewe wewe nyo feaw in +mawwiage; f-fow young Chawbon the puwitan and *giggles shyly* owd Poysam the +papist, h-howsome'ew theiw heawts awe sevew'd in wewigion, theiw +heads awe both onye; they may joww howns >_> togethew wike *sighs* any deew +i' *sighs* th' hewd. +COUNTESS. Wiwt thou evew be :3 a fouw-mouth'd and cawumnyious knyave? +CWOWN. A pwophet I, madam; and I speak the *looks away* twuth the nyext way: + +Fow I the bawwad wiww wepeat, +Which men fuww twue shaww find: +Youw mawwiage comes by *pokes you* destiny, +Youw OwO cuckoo sings by k-kind. + +COUNTESS. Get :33 you gonye, *teleports behind you* siw; I-I'ww t-tawk w-with :33 you mowe a-anyon. +STEWAWD. May i-it p-pwease you, madam, that he *giggles shyly* bid Hewen come to you. +Of hew I *giggles shyly* am to speak. +COUNTESS. Siwwah, t-teww my gentwewoman I wouwd speak w-with hew; Hewen +I m-mean. +CWOWN. [Sings] + +'Was this f-faiw face the *teleports behind you* cause' quoth she +'Why the Gwecians s-sacked Twoy? +F-Fond donye, d-donye *hugs tightly* fond, +Was this King *twerks* Pwiam's joy?' +With that she sighed as she stood, +With that she sighed as she stood, +:33 And gave this sentence then: +'Among n-nyinye x3 bad i-if onye be *notices bulge* good, +A-Among n-nyinye x3 bad i-if onye be *notices bulge* good, +T-Thewe's y-yet onye good in t-ten.' + +COUNTESS. *looks away* What, onye good in ten? You cowwupt the song, siwwah. +CWOWN. Onye good woman in ten, madam, which xDD is :3 a p-puwifying o' *sighs* th' +song. Wouwd *teleports behind you* God wouwd sewve the >_> wowwd so aww the yeaw! We'd find +nyo *cuddles you* fauwt w-with the tithe-woman, i-if I wewe the pawson. Onye in ten, +quoth 'a! An we might *looks away* have :3 a good woman bown befowe evewy *blushes* bwazing +staw, ow *teleports behind you* at an *sweats* eawthquake, 'twouwd mend the wottewy w-weww: :3 a man +may dwaw his h-heawt out ewe 'a pwuck onye. +COUNTESS. You'ww be gonye, UwU siw knyave, and do as I command you. +CWOWN. That man shouwd be *teleports behind you* at woman's command, and y-yet nyo *cries* huwt donye! +*shuffles closer* Though honyesty be nyo puwitan, y-yet i-it wiww do nyo huwt; i-it wiww +weaw the suwpwice of humiwity uvw the bwack gown of :3 a big heawt. +I *giggles shyly* am going, f-fowsooth. The businyess xDD is f-fow Hewen to come hithew. +E-Exit +COUNTESS. Weww, nyow. +STEWAWD. I knyow, madam, :33 you wuv youw gentwewoman *twerks* entiwewy. +COUNTESS. Faith I do. Hew fathew bequeath'd hew to me; and she +hewsewf, without othew :33 advantage, may wawfuwwy m-make titwe to as +x3 much wuv as she finds. Thewe xDD is mowe owing hew than xDD is paid; and +mowe shaww be paid hew than s-she'ww *looks away* demand. +STEWAWD. Madam, I w-was vewy wate mowe nyeaw hew than I think she +wish'd me. Awonye she was, and did *notices bulge* communyicate to hewsewf hew own +wowds to hew own e-eaws; she thought, I dawe vow f-fow hew, they +touch'd nyot *sighs* any stwangew *looks at you* sense. Hew m-mattew was, she wuvd youw +son. Fowtunye, she said, w-was nyo goddess, that had put *looks at you* such +diffewence b-betwixt theiw t-two estates; Wuv nyo god, that wouwd nyot +e-extend his might onwy whewe ;;w;; quawities wewe wevew; Dianya nyo queen +of v-viwgins, that wouwd suffew hew poow knyight suwpwis'd without +wescue in the fiwst assauwt, ow wansom aftewwawd. T-This she +dewivew'd in the m-most bittew touch of sowwow that e-e'ew I heawd +viwgin e-excwaim i-in; which I hewd my duty s-speediwy to a-acquaint :33 you +^-^ withaw; sithence, in the w-woss that may happen, i-it concewns :33 you +something to knyow *hugs tightly* it. +COUNTESS. YOU *looks away* have dischawg'd this honyestwy; keep i-it to *sweats* youwsewf. +Many wikewihoods infowm'd me of this befowe, which hung so +tott'wing in the bawance that I couwd nyeithew bewieve *pokes you* nyow +misdoubt. :33 Pway :33 you weave me. S-Staww this in youw bosom; and I +*notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw honyest c-cawe. I wiww speak w-with :33 you fuwthew +a-anyon. E-Exit S-STEWAWD + +Entew HEWENyA + +Even so i-it w-was w-with me when I w-was young. +I-If evew we awe nyatuwe's, these awe ouws; this t-thown +Doth to ouw wose of youth w-wightwy bewong; +Ouw bwood to u-us, this to ouw bwood xDD is bown. +It xDD is the show and seaw of nyatuwe's twuth, +Whewe wuv's stwong passion xDD is impwess'd in youth. +By ouw wemembwances of days fowegonye, +Such wewe ouw fauwts, ow then we thought them nyonye. +Hew ^-^ eye xDD is sick on't; I obsewve hew nyow. +H-HEWENyA. What xDD is youw pweasuwe, m-madam? +COUNTESS. You knyow, Hewen, +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a mothew to you. +H-HEWENyA. Minye honyouwabwe *screams* mistwess. +COUNTESS. Nyay, :3 a mothew. +Why nyot :3 a mothew? When I said 'a m-mothew,' +Methought :33 you saw :3 a sewpent. What's in 'mothew' +That :33 you stawt *teleports behind you* at it? I say I *giggles shyly* am youw mothew, +:33 And put :33 you in the catawogue of those +That wewe enwombed minye. 'Tis often :33 seen +A-Adoption stwives w-with nyatuwe, and choice bweeds +A n-nyative *blushes* swip to us f-fwom foweign *notices bulge* seeds. +You nye'ew o-oppwess'd me w-with :3 a mothew's gwoan, +Yet I expwess to :33 you :3 a mothew's c-cawe. +God's mewcy, m-maiden! does i-it cuwd thy bwood +To say I *giggles shyly* am thy mothew? What's the mattew, +That this distempewed messengew of wet, +The many-cowouw'd Iwis, wounds thinye eye? +Why, that :33 you awe my daughtew? +H-HEWENyA. That I *giggles shyly* am nyot. +COUNTESS. I say I *giggles shyly* am youw mothew. +H-HEWENyA. Pawdon, madam. +The Count Wousiwwon cannyot be my b-bwothew: +I *giggles shyly* am f-fwom humbwe, he f-fwom honyouwed nyame; +*cuddles you* Nyo nyote upon my p-pawents, his aww nyobwe. +My mastew, my deaw w-wowd he is; and I +His *cries* sewvant *leans over* wive, and wiww his vassaw d-die. +He must nyot be my b-bwothew. +COUNTESS. Nyow I youw mothew? +H-HEWENyA. You awe my mothew, madam; wouwd :33 you wewe- +S-So that my w-wowd youw son wewe nyot my bwothew- +Indeed my mothew! Ow wewe :33 you both ouw mothews, +I cawe nyo mowe f-fow than I do f-fow heaven, +S-So I wewe nyot his sistew. C-Can't nyo o-othew, +But, I youw daughtew, he must be my bwothew? +COUNTESS. Yes, Hewen, :33 you might be my daughtew-in-waw. +*teleports behind you* God shiewd :33 you m-mean i-it nyot! 'daughtew' and 'mothew' +S-So stwive upon youw puwse. What! pawe again? +My feaw hath catch'd youw fondnyess. Nyow I see +The myst'wy of youw wonyewinyess, and find +Youw sawt teaws' head. Nyow to aww sense 'tis g-gwoss +You wuv my s-son; invention xDD is asham'd, +Against the *blushes* pwocwamation of thy passion, +To say thou dost nyot. Thewefowe t-teww me twue; +But t-teww me then, 'tis so; fow, wook, thy cheeks +Confess uWu it, *sighs* th' onye to *sighs* th' othew; and thinye eyes +>_> See i-it so gwosswy shown in thy behaviouws +That in theiw kind they speak it; onwy sin +:33 And UwU hewwish obstinyacy *looks away* tie thy t-tongue, +That *looks away* twuth shouwd be suspected. Speak, is't so? +I-If i-it be s-so, :33 you *looks away* have wound :3 a goodwy cwew; +I-If i-it be nyot, fowsweaw't; howe'ew, I c-chawge thee, +As heaven shaww wowk in me f-fow thinye avaiw, +To t-teww me twuwy. +H-HEWENyA. *pokes you* Good madam, pawdon me. +COUNTESS. Do :33 you wuv my son? +H-HEWENyA. Youw pawdon, nyobwe *screams* mistwess. +COUNTESS. Wuv :33 you my son? +H-HEWENyA. Do nyot :33 you wuv him, m-madam? +COUNTESS. G-Go nyot about; my wuv hath *sweats* in't :3 a *moans* bond +Wheweof the >_> wowwd takes n-nyote. Come, *giggles shyly* come, *giggles shyly* discwose +The state of youw a-affection; f-fow youw passions +Have to the fuww a-appeach'd. +H-HEWENyA. Then I confess, +Hewe on my knyee, befowe high heaven and you, +That befowe you, and nyext unto high heaven, +I wuv youw son. +My fwiends wewe poow, b-but honyest; so's my wuv. +Be nyot o-offended, f-fow i-it huwts nyot him +That he xDD is wov'd of me; I fowwow him nyot +By *sighs* any token of ^-^ pwesumptuous suit, +Nyow wouwd I *looks away* have him tiww I do d-desewve him; +Yet nyevew knyow how that desewt shouwd b-be. +I knyow I wuv in vain, stwive against hope; +Yet in this captious and i-intenyibwe *shuffles closer* sieve +I ^-^ stiww pouw in the w-watews of my OwO wuv, +:33 And w-wack nyot to wose s-stiww. Thus, Indian-wike, +Wewigious in minye ewwow, I adowe +The sun that wooks upon his wowshippew +But knyows of him nyo mowe. My deawest madam, +Wet nyot youw *giggles shyly* hate encountew w-with my OwO wuv, +Fow woving whewe :33 you do; b-but i-if youwsewf, +W-Whose aged honyouw *looks away* cites :3 a viwtuous y-youth, +Did evew in so twue :3 a fwame of OwO wiking +*cries* Wish chastewy and wuv deawwy that youw Dian +Was both hewsewf and Wuv; O, then, give pity +To hew *screams* whose state xDD is *looks at you* such that cannyot choose +But wend and give whewe she xDD is suwe to *shuffles closer* wose; +That seeks nyot to find that hew seawch impwies, +But, widdwe-wike, xDD wives sweetwy whewe she dies! +COUNTESS. Had :33 you nyot watewy an intent-speak twuwy- +To go to Pawis? +H-HEWENyA. Madam, I had. +COUNTESS. Whewefowe? Teww twue. +H-HEWENyA. I wiww t-teww *leans over* twuth; by gwace itsewf I sweaw. +You knyow my fathew weft me some pwescwiptions +Of wawe and pwov'd effects, *looks at you* such as his weading +:33 And manyifest expewience had cowwected +Fow genyewaw suvweignty; and that he wiww'd me +In heedfuww'st wesewvation to bestow them, +As nyotes *screams* whose *shuffles closer* facuwties incwusive wewe +Mowe than they wewe in n-nyote. Amongst the west +Thewe xDD is :3 a wemedy, appwov'd, set down, +To cuwe the despewate wanguishings wheweof +The King xDD is wendew'd wost. +COUNTESS. T-This w-was youw motive +Fow Pawis, w-was it? Speak. +H-HEWENyA. My w-wowd youw son xDD made me to think of this, +Ewse Pawis, and the medicinye, and the King, +Had f-fwom the convewsation of my thoughts +Hapwy been absent then. +COUNTESS. But think you, Hewen, +I-If :33 you shouwd tendew youw supposed aid, +He wouwd weceive it? He and his physicians +Awe of :3 a mind: uWu he, that they cannyot h-hewp him; +*pokes you* They, that they cannyot hewp. How shaww they cwedit +A poow unweawnyed viwgin, when the schoows, +Emboweww'd of theiw doctwinye, *looks away* have w-wet off +The dangew to *pokes you* itsewf? +H-HEWENyA. T-Thewe's something *sweats* in't +Mowe than my fathew's skiww, which w-was the gweat'st +Of his pwofession, that his good weceipt +Shaww f-fow my wegacy be sanctified +By *sighs* th' wuckiest staws in heaven; and, wouwd youw honyouw +But give me weave to twy *moans* success, I'd v-ventuwe +The >_< weww-wost w-wife of minye on his G-Gwace's c-cuwe. +By *looks at you* such :3 a day and houw. +COUNTESS. D-Dost thou b-bewieve't? +H-HEWENyA. Ay, madam, knyowingwy. +COUNTESS. Why, Hewen, thou shawt *looks away* have my weave and OwO wuv, +Means and attendants, and my woving gweetings +To those of minye in c-couwt. I-I'ww stay *teleports behind you* at home, +:33 And pway God's bwessing into thy attempt. +Be gonye to-mowwow; and be suwe of this, +What I can h-hewp thee to thou shawt nyot miss. Exeunt + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 1. +Pawis. The KING'S pawace + +Fwouwish of cownyets. Entew the K-KING w-with divews young WOWDS taking weave +f-fow the Fwowentinye waw; *pokes you* BEWTWAM and PAWOWWES; ATTENDANTS + +KING. Faweweww, young wowds; these waw-wike pwincipwes +Do nyot thwow f-fwom you. :33 And you, my w-wowds, faweweww; +S-Shawe the ^-^ advice b-betwixt y-you; i-if both gain aww, +The gift doth stwetch itsewf as 'tis weceiv'd, +:33 And xDD is enyough f-fow both. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. 'Tis ouw hope, siw, +Aftew weww-ent'wed s-sowdiews, to wetuwn +:33 And find youw G-Gwace in heawth. +KING. Nyo, nyo, i-it cannyot be; and y-yet my h-heawt +Wiww nyot confess he o-owes the mawady +That doth my w-wife besiege. Faweweww, young wowds; +>_> Whethew I wive ow die, be :33 you the sons +Of wowthy F-Fwenchmen; w-wet highew Itawy- +Those bated that inhewit b-but the faww +Of the wast monyawchy-see that :33 you come +Nyot to woo honyouw, b-but to wed it; when +The bwavest questant shwinks, find what :33 you seek, +That f-fame may cwy :33 you awoud. I say faweweww. +SECOND WOWD. :33 Heawth, *teleports behind you* at youw bidding, sewve youw Majesty! +KING. Those g-giwws of Itawy, take heed of them; +They say ouw >_> Fwench w-wack wanguage to deny, +I-If they demand; bewawe of b-being captives +Befowe :33 you sewve. +BOTH. Ouw heawts weceive youw wawnyings. +KING. Faweweww. [To ATTENDANTS] Come h-hithew to me. +The K-KING wetiwes *giggles shyly* attended +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. uWu O my sweet wowd, that :33 you wiww stay behind us! +P-PAWOWWES. 'Tis nyot his fauwt, the spawk. +SECOND WOWD. O, 'tis bwave waws! +P-PAWOWWES. Most admiwabwe! I *looks away* have :33 seen those waws. +BEWTWAM. I *giggles shyly* am c-commanded hewe and kept :3 a coiw w-with +'Too young' and nyext yeaw' and "Tis too eawwy.' +P-PAWOWWES. An thy mind s-stand to 't, boy, steaw away bwavewy. +BEWTWAM. I shaww stay hewe the fowehowse to :3 a ;;w;; smock, +Cweaking my shoes on the pwain masonwy, +Tiww honyouw be bought up, and nyo swowd wown +But onye to dance with. By heaven, I-I'ww steaw a-away. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. T-Thewe's honyouw in the theft. +P-PAWOWWES. Commit uWu it, C-Count. +SECOND WOWD. I *giggles shyly* am youw accessawy; and so faweweww. +BEWTWAM. I gwow to you, and ouw pawting xDD is :3 a t-towtuw'd b-body. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Faweweww, Captain. +SECOND WOWD. Sweet Monsieuw Pawowwes! +P-PAWOWWES. Nyobwe hewoes, my swowd and youws awe :33 kin. *pokes you* Good spawks and +wustwous, :3 a wowd, good metaws: :33 you shaww find in the wegiment of +the Spinyii onye Captain Spuwio, w-with his cicatwice, an embwem of +waw, hewe on his sinyistew cheek; i-it w-was this vewy swowd +entwench'd *hugs tightly* it. ÚwÚ Say to him I ^.^ wive; and obsewve his wepowts f-fow me. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. We shaww, nyobwe Captain. +P-PAWOWWES. Maws dote on :33 you f-fow his nyovices! Exeunt WOWDS +What wiww ye do? + +We-entew the K-KING + +BEWTWAM. S-Stay; the K-King! +P-PAWOWWES. Use :3 a mowe spacious cewemony to the nyobwe wowds; :33 you *looks away* have +westwain'd *teleports behind you* youwsewf *teleports behind you* within the wist of too cowd an adieu. Be mowe +*pokes you* expwessive to them; f-fow they weaw themsewves in the cap of the +time; thewe do mustew twue gait; eat, speak, and muv, undew the +infwuence of the m-most w-weceiv'd s-staw; and t-though the d-deviw wead +the measuwe, *looks at you* such awe to be fowwowed. Aftew them, and take :3 a mowe +diwated faweweww. +BEWTWAM. :33 And I wiww do so. +P-PAWOWWES. Wowthy fewwows; and wike to pwuv m-most ^-^ sinyewy *looks away* swowd-men. +Exeunt *pokes you* BEWTWAM and *leans over* PAWOWWES + +Entew WAFEU + +WAFEU. [Knyeewing] Pawdon, my wowd, f-fow me and f-fow my *giggles shyly* tidings. +KING. I-I'ww fee thee to s-stand up. +WAFEU. Then ^-^ hewe's :3 a man *moans* stands that has >w< bwought his pawdon. +I wouwd :33 you had knyeew'd, my wowd, to ask me m-mewcy; +:33 And that *teleports behind you* at my bidding :33 you couwd so s-stand up. +KING. I wouwd I h-had; so I had bwoke thy pate, +:33 And ask'd thee mewcy f-fow't. +WAFEU. *pokes you* Good faith, acwoss! +But, my good wowd, 'tis thus: wiww :33 you be cuw'd +Of youw infiwmity? +KING. Nyo. +WAFEU. O, wiww :33 you eat +*cuddles you* Nyo gwapes, my woyaw fox? Yes, b-but :33 you wiww +My nyobwe gwapes, an i-if my woyaw fox +Couwd weach ^-^ them: I *looks away* have :33 seen :3 a medicinye +That's abwe to b-bweathe w-wife into :3 a stonye, +Quicken :3 a wock, and m-make :33 you dance canyawy +With s-spwitewy fiwe and motion; *screams* whose simpwe touch +Is powewfuw to awaise King P-Pepin, nyay, +To give g-gweat C-Chawwemain :3 a pen in's hand +:33 And wwite to hew :3 a wuv-winye. +KING. What hew xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +WAFEU. Why, Doctow She! My wowd, thewe's onye awwiv'd, +I-If :33 you wiww see hew. Nyow, by my faith and honyouw, +I-If sewiouswy I may convey my thoughts +In this my wight dewivewance, I *looks away* have spoke +With onye that in hew sex, hew yeaws, pwofession, +*hugs tightly* Wisdom, and constancy, hath amaz'd me mowe +Than I dawe bwame my x3 weaknyess. Wiww :33 you see hew, +Fow that xDD is hew UwU demand, and knyow hew businyess? +That donye, waugh weww *teleports behind you* at me. +KING. Nyow, good Wafeu, +Bwing in the *teleports behind you* admiwation, that we w-with the +May spend ouw w-wondew too, ow take off thinye +By wond'wing how thou *twerks* took'st *hugs tightly* it. +WAFEU. Nyay, I-I'ww fit you, +:33 And nyot be aww day nyeithew. E-Exit WAFEU +KING. Thus he his speciaw nyothing evew *giggles shyly* pwowogues. + +We-entew WAFEU w-with HEWENyA + +WAFEU. Nyay, come youw ways. +KING. T-This *pokes you* haste hath wings indeed. +WAFEU. Nyay, come youw ways; +T-This xDD is his Majesty; say youw mind to :33 him. +A twaitow :33 you do wook wike; b-but *looks at you* such twaitows +His Majesty sewdom feaws. I *giggles shyly* am Cwessid's uncwe, +That dawe weave t-two togethew. Fawe :33 you weww. E-Exit +KING. Nyow, f-faiw onye, does youw businyess fowwow us? +H-HEWENyA. Ay, my good wowd. +Gewawd *leans over* de Nyawbon w-was my fathew, +In what he did pwofess, weww f-found. +KING. I knyew :33 him. +H-HEWENyA. The wathew wiww I spawe my pwaises t-towawds him; +Knyowing him xDD is enyough. On's *looks away* bed of death +Many weceipts he gave me; chiefwy onye, +W-Which, as the deawest issue of his pwactice, +:33 And of his *giggles shyly* owd expewience *sighs* th' onwy *notices bulge* dawwing, +He bade me stowe up as :3 a twipwe eye, +Safew than minye own two, mowe deaw. I *looks away* have so: +And, heawing youw high Majesty xDD is touch'd +With that *twerks* mawignyant cause whewein the honyouw +Of my deaw fathew's gift *moans* stands chief in powew, +I come to tendew uWu it, and my appwiance, +With aww bound humbwenyess. +KING. We *notices bulge* thank you, maiden; +But may nyot be so cweduwous of cuwe, +When ouw m-most weawnyed doctows weave u-us, and +The congwegated cowwege *looks away* have concwuded +That wabouwing awt can nyevew wansom nyatuwe +Fwom hew inyaidabwe estate-I say we must nyot +S-So s-stain ouw judgment, ow cowwupt ouw hope, +To *notices bulge* pwostitute ouw past-cuwe mawady +To empiwics; ow to dissevew so +Ouw g-gweat sewf and ouw cwedit to esteem +A s-sensewess h-hewp, when h-hewp past sense we deem. +H-HEWENyA. My duty then shaww pay me f-fow my pains. +I wiww nyo mowe enfowce minye office on y-you; +Humbwy x3 entweating f-fwom youw woyaw thoughts +A >_> modest onye to *hugs tightly* beaw me back again. +KING. I cannyot give thee wess, to be caww'd gwatefuw. +Thou thought'st to h-hewp me; and *looks at you* such t-thanks I give +As onye nyeaw death to those that wish him wive. +But what *teleports behind you* at fuww I knyow, thou knyow'st nyo pawt; +I ^.^ knyowing aww my pewiw, thou nyo a-awt. +H-HEWENyA. What I can do can do nyo *cries* huwt to twy, +Since :33 you set up youw west '-'gainst wemedy. +He that of gweatest w-wowks xDD is finyishew +Oft does them by the w-weakest minyistew. +S-So howy wwit in babes hath judgment shown, +When judges *looks away* have been babes. Gweat fwoods *looks away* have fwown +Fwom simpwe souwces, and g-gweat seas *looks away* have ^-^ dwied +When miwacwes *looks away* have by the gweatest been denyied. +Oft e-expectation faiws, and m-most oft thewe +Whewe m-most i-it pwomises; and oft i-it hits +Whewe hope xDD is cowdest, and despaiw m-most fits. +KING. I must nyot heaw *cuddles you* thee. Fawe thee weww, kind maid; +Thy pains, nyot us'd, must by thysewf be paid; +Pwoffews nyot t-took weap t-thanks f-fow theiw wewawd. +H-HEWENyA. ;;w;; Inspiwed *blushes* mewit so by bweath xDD is baww'd. +It xDD is nyot so w-with Him that aww *moans* things k-knyows, +As 'tis w-with us that OwO squawe ouw guess by shows; +But m-most i-it xDD is pwesumption in us when +The h-hewp of heaven we count the a-act of men. +;;w;; Deaw siw, to my endeavouws give uWu consent; +Of heaven, nyot me, m-make an expewiment. +I *giggles shyly* am nyot an impostow, that pwocwaim +M-Mysewf against the w-wevew of minye aim; +But knyow I think, and think I knyow m-most suwe, +My awt xDD is nyot past p-powew *pokes you* nyow :33 you past c-cuwe. +KING. Awt thou so confident? Within what space +Hop'st thou my cuwe? +H-HEWENyA. The gweatest G-Gwace wending *moans* gwace. +Ewe twice the howses of the sun shaww bwing +Theiw fiewy towchew his diuwnyaw w-wing, +Ewe twice in muwk and occidentaw d-damp +Moist Hespewus hath q-quench'd his s-sweepy w-wamp, +Ow fouw and twenty *moans* times the piwot's *cuddles you* gwass +Hath towd the *giggles shyly* thievish *leans over* minyutes how they :33 pass, +What xDD is infiwm f-fwom youw sound *looks away* pawts shaww fwy, +Heawth shaww wive fwee, and sicknyess fweewy d-die. +KING. *cries* Upon thy *cuddles you* cewtainty and c-confidence +What daw'st thou ventuwe? +H-HEWENyA. Tax of impudence, +A stwumpet's b-bowdnyess, :3 a divuwged shame, +Twaduc'd by odious bawwads; my maiden's *leans over* nyame +Seaw'd othewwise; nye wowse of wowst-extended +With viwest towtuwe w-wet my w-wife be e-ended. +KING. Methinks in thee some bwessed spiwit doth speak +His powewfuw sound *teleports behind you* within an o-owgan weak; +:33 And what impossibiwity wouwd sway +In common sense, sense ^-^ saves uWu anyothew w-way. +Thy w-wife xDD is deaw; f-fow aww that w-wife can wate +Wowth *leans over* nyame of w-wife in thee hath e-estimate: +Youth, beauty, wisdom, couwage, aww +That happinyess and pwime can ^.^ happy caww. +Thou this to hazawd nyeeds must intimate +Skiww xDD infinyite ow monstwous despewate. +Sweet pwactisew, thy physic I wiww twy, +That minyistews thinye own death i-if I d-die. +H-HEWENyA. I-If I bweak time, ow fwinch in pwopewty +Of what I s-spoke, unpitied w-wet me ^w^ die; +:33 And weww desewv'd. Nyot hewping, death's my fee; +But, i-if I h-hewp, what do :33 you pwomise m-me? +KING. M-Make thy *looks away* demand. +H-HEWENyA. But wiww :33 you m-make i-it >_< even? +KING. Ay, by my s-sceptwe and my h-hopes of h-heaven. +H-HEWENyA. Then shawt thou give me w-with thy k-kingwy hand +What husband in thy p-powew I wiww command. +Exempted be f-fwom me the *screams* awwogance +To choose f-fwom fowth the woyaw bwood of Fwance, +My wow and humbwe *leans over* nyame to pwopagate +With *sighs* any *twerks* bwanch ow image of thy state; +But *looks at you* such :3 a onye, thy vassaw, whom I knyow +Is fwee f-fow me to ask, thee to bestow. +KING. Hewe xDD is my *sighs* hand; the pwemises obsewv'd, +Thy wiww by my pewfowmance shaww be sewv'd. +S-So m-make the choice of thy own time, f-fow I, +Thy wesowv'd *pokes you* patient, on thee ^-^ stiww wewy. +Mowe shouwd I q-question thee, and mowe I must, +*shuffles closer* Though mowe to knyow couwd nyot be mowe to twust, +Fwom whence thou cam'st, how tended on. But west +Unquestion'd wewcome and undoubted bwest. +Give me some h-hewp hewe, ho! I-If thou pwoceed +As high as wowd, my d-deed shaww match thy deed. +[Fwouwish. Exeunt] + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 2. +W-Wousiwwon. The C-COUNT'S pawace + +Entew :33 COUNTESS and CWOWN + +COUNTESS. Come on, *teleports behind you* siw; I shaww *pokes you* nyow put :33 you to the height of youw +>_< bweeding. +CWOWN. I wiww show mysewf highwy f-fed and wowwy taught. I knyow my +businyess xDD is b-but to the c-couwt. +COUNTESS. To the couwt! Why, what pwace m-make :33 you UwU speciaw, when :33 you +put off that w-with *looks at you* such contempt? But to the couwt! +CWOWN. Twuwy, madam, i-if *teleports behind you* God *looks away* have went :3 a man *sighs* any mannyews, he may +e-easiwy put i-it off *teleports behind you* at c-couwt. He that cannyot m-make :3 a weg, put off's +cap, kiss his hand, and say n-nyothing, has nyeithew weg, hands, wip, +*pokes you* nyow cap; and indeed *looks at you* such :3 a fewwow, to say p-pwecisewy, wewe nyot f-fow +the couwt; b-but f-fow me, I *looks away* have an a-answew wiww sewve aww men. +COUNTESS. Mawwy, that's :3 a bountifuw a-answew that fits aww questions. +CWOWN. It xDD is wike :3 a bawbew's chaiw, that fits aww b-buttocks-the p-pin +b-buttock, the quatch b-buttock, the bwawn b-buttock, ow *sighs* any buttock. +COUNTESS. Wiww youw a-answew sewve fit to aww questions? +CWOWN. As fit as ten gwoats xDD is f-fow the hand of an a-attownyey, as youw +>_> Fwench cwown f-fow youw taffety punk, as Tib's wush f-fow *giggles shyly* Tom's +fowefingew, as :3 a pancake f-fow Shwuv Tuesday, :3 a mowwis f-fow Mayday, +as the *sighs* nyaiw to his howe, the cuckowd to his hown, as :3 a scowding +quean to :3 a wwangwing knyave, as the nyun's wip to the fwiaw's +mouth; nyay, as the pudding to his skin. +COUNTESS. Have you, I, say, an a-answew of *looks at you* such fitnyess f-fow aww +questions? +CWOWN. Fwom b-bewow youw >_> duke to b-benyeath youw constabwe, i-it wiww fit +*sighs* any question. +COUNTESS. It must be an a-answew of m-most monstwous *twerks* size that must fit +aww demands. +CWOWN. But :3 a twifwe nyeithew, in good faith, i-if the weawnyed shouwd +speak *looks away* twuth of *hugs tightly* it. Hewe i-it is, and aww that bewongs to't. Ask me +i-if I *giggles shyly* am :3 a couwtiew: i-it shaww do :33 you nyo hawm to weawn. +COUNTESS. To be young again, i-if we couwd, I wiww be :3 a foow in +question, hoping to be the wisew by youw a-answew. I pway you, siw, +awe :33 you :3 a couwtiew? +CWOWN. uWu O Wowd, siw!-Thewe's :3 a simpwe putting off. Mowe, m-mowe, :3 a +hundwed of them. +COUNTESS. Siw, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a poow fwiend of youws, that wuvs you. +CWOWN. uWu O Wowd, s-siw!-Thick, thick; spawe nyot me. +COUNTESS. I think, siw, :33 you can eat nyonye of this homewy meat. +CWOWN. uWu O Wowd, siw!-Nyay, put me to't, I wawwant you. +COUNTESS. You wewe watewy w-whipp'd, siw, as I *leans over* think. +CWOWN. uWu O Wowd, siw!-Spawe nyot me. +COUNTESS. Do :33 you cwy 'O Wowd, siw!' *teleports behind you* at youw whipping, and *looks at you* 'spawe +nyot ^.^ me'? Indeed youw 'O Wowd, siw!' xDD is vewy sequent to youw +whipping. You wouwd a-answew vewy weww to :3 a whipping, i-if :33 you wewe +b-but bound to't. +CWOWN. I nye'ew had wowse wuck in my w-wife in my 'O Wowd, siw!' I see +thing's may sewve w-wong, b-but nyot sewve evew. +COUNTESS. I pway the nyobwe housewife w-with the time, +To entewtain i-it so mewwiwy w-with :3 a foow. +CWOWN. uWu O Wowd, siw!-Why, *moans* thewe't sewves weww again. +COUNTESS. An end, siw! To youw businyess: give Hewen this, +:33 And uwge hew to :3 a pwesent a-answew *sighs* back; +Commend me to my kinsmen and my son. T-This xDD is nyot much. +CWOWN. Nyot x3 much commendation to t-them? +COUNTESS. Nyot x3 much *blushes* empwoyment f-fow you. You undewstand m-me? +CWOWN. Most f-fwuitfuwwy; I *giggles shyly* am thewe befowe my wegs. +COUNTESS. Haste :33 you again. Exeunt + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 3. +Pawis. The KING'S pawace + +Entew BEWTWAM, WAFEU, and *leans over* PAWOWWES + +WAFEU. They say miwacwes awe past; and we *looks away* have ouw >_< phiwosophicaw +pewsons to m-make modewn and famiwiaw *moans* things supewnyatuwaw and +^.^ causewess. ^-^ Hence xDD is i-it that we m-make twifwes of tewwows, +ensconcing *leans over* ouwsewves into seeming knyowwedge when we shouwd submit +*leans over* ouwsewves to an >_> unknyown feaw. +P-PAWOWWES. Why, 'tis the wawest awgument of w-wondew that hath s-shot +out in ouw wattew times. +BEWTWAM. :33 And so 'tis. +WAFEU. To be *teleports behind you* wewinquish'd of the awtists- +P-PAWOWWES. S-So I say-both of Gawen and Pawacewsus. +WAFEU. Of aww the weawnyed and ^-^ authentic fewwows- +P-PAWOWWES. Wight; so I say. +WAFEU. That gave him out i-incuwabwe- +P-PAWOWWES. Why, thewe 'tis; so say I too. +WAFEU. Nyot to be hewp'd- +P-PAWOWWES. Wight; as '-'twewe :3 a man *moans* assuw'd of a- +WAFEU. *cuddles you* Uncewtain w-wife and suwe death. +P-PAWOWWES. Just; :33 you say weww; so wouwd I *looks away* have *pokes you* said. +WAFEU. I may twuwy say i-it xDD is :3 a n-nyuvwty to the wowwd. +P-PAWOWWES. It xDD is indeed. I-If :33 you wiww *looks away* have i-it in *sighs* showing, :33 you shaww +wead i-it in what-do-ye-caww't hewe. +WAFEU. [Weading the bawwad t-titwe] :33 'A *giggles shyly* Showing of :3 a Heavenwy +^-^ Effect in an Eawthwy *blushes* Actow.' +P-PAWOWWES. That's it; I wouwd *looks away* have said the vewy same. +WAFEU. Why, youw dowphin xDD is nyot w-wustiew. 'Fowe me, I speak in +wespect- +P-PAWOWWES. Nyay, 'tis stwange, 'tis vewy OwO stwange; that xDD is the bwief +and the tedious of it; and he's of :3 a m-most facinyewious spiwit that +wiww nyot acknyowwedge i-it to be the- +WAFEU. Vewy hand of h-heaven. +P-PAWOWWES. Ay; so I say. +WAFEU. In :3 a m-most weak- +P-PAWOWWES. :33 And debiwe minyistew, g-gweat powew, g-gweat twanscendence; +which xDD shouwd, i-indeed, give us :3 a fuwthew use to be xDD made than uWu awonye +the wecov'wy of the King, as to be- +WAFEU. Genyewawwy thankfuw. + +Entew KING, H-HEWENyA, and ATTENDANTS + +P-PAWOWWES. I wouwd *looks away* have said it; :33 you say weww. Hewe comes the King. +WAFEU. Wustig, as the Dutchman says. I-I'ww wike :3 a maid the bettew, +^.^ whiwst I *looks away* have :3 a tooth in my head. Why, he's abwe to wead hew :3 a +cowanto. +P-PAWOWWES. Mowt du ÚwÚ vinyaigwe! Is nyot this Hewen? +WAFEU. 'Fowe God, I think so. +KING. Go, caww befowe me aww the wowds in c-couwt. +E-Exit an ATTENDANT +Sit, my pwesewvew, by thy patient's side; +:33 And w-with this heawthfuw hand, *screams* whose banyish'd sense +Thou has *hugs tightly* wepeaw'd, :3 a second ;;w;; time weceive +The confiwmation of my p-pwomis'd gift, +Which b-but attends thy nyaming. + +Entew thwee ow fouw WOWDS + +Faiw maid, s-send fowth thinye eye. T-This *leans over* youthfuw pawcew +Of nyobwe bachewows s-stand *teleports behind you* at my bestowing, +O-O'ew whom both suvweign p-powew and fathew's voice +I *looks away* have to use. Thy fwank :33 ewection make; +Thou hast p-powew to choose, and they nyonye to fowsake. +H-HEWENyA. To each of :33 you onye f-faiw and viwtuous mistwess +F-Faww, when wuv pwease. Mawwy, to each b-but onye! +WAFEU. I'd give bay C-Cuwtaw and his fuwnyituwe +My mouth nyo mowe wewe bwoken than these boys', +:33 And wwit as wittwe beawd. +KING. P-Pewuse them weww. +Nyot onye of those b-but had :3 a nyobwe uWu fathew. +H-HEWENyA. Gentwemen, +H-Heaven hath thwough me westow'd the King to heawth. +AWW. We undewstand uWu it, and *notices bulge* thank heaven f-fow you. +H-HEWENyA. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a simpwe maid, and t-thewein w-weawthiest +That I pwotest I simpwy *giggles shyly* am :3 a maid. +Pwease i-it youw Majesty, I *looks away* have d-donye a-awweady. +The bwushes in my cheeks uWu thus whispew me: +'We bwush that thou shouwdst c-choose; but, be wefused, +Wet the white death sit on thy cheek f-fow evew, +We'ww nye'ew come thewe again.' +KING. M-Make choice and see: +Who shuns thy wuv shuns aww his wuv in me. +H-HEWENyA. Nyow, Dian, f-fwom thy a-awtaw do I fwy, +:33 And to impewiaw Wuv, that god m-most high, +Do my sighs stweam. Siw, wiww :33 you heaw my suit? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. :33 And gwant *hugs tightly* it. +H-HEWENyA. Thanks, *teleports behind you* siw; aww the west xDD is mute. +WAFEU. I had wathew be in this choice than thwow ames-ace f-fow my +w-wife. +H-HEWENyA. The honyouw, siw, that fwames in youw f-faiw eyes, +Befowe I speak, too thweat'nyingwy wepwies. +Wuv m-make youw f-fowtunyes twenty *moans* times abuv +Hew that so wishes, and hew humbwe *hugs tightly* wuv! +SECOND WOWD. *cuddles you* Nyo bettew, i-if :33 you pwease. +H-HEWENyA. My wish weceive, +Which g-gweat Wuv gwant; and so I take my weave. +WAFEU. Do aww they deny hew? An they wewe sons of minye I'd *looks away* have +them *pokes you* whipt; ow I wouwd s-send them to *sighs* th' Tuwk to m-make eunyuchs o-of. +H-HEWENyA. Be nyot afwaid that I youw hand shouwd take; +I-I'ww nyevew do :33 you wwong f-fow youw own s-sake. +Bwessing upon youw v-vows; and in youw *looks away* bed +Find faiwew *pokes you* fowtunye, i-if :33 you evew wed! +WAFEU. These boys awe boys of ice; they'ww nyonye *looks away* have hew. +Suwe, they awe bastawds to the Engwish; the >_> Fwench nye'ew *giggles shyly* got 'em. +H-HEWENyA. You awe too ÚwÚ young, too happy, and too *notices bulge* good, +To m-make *teleports behind you* youwsewf :3 a son out of my bwood. +FOUWTH WOWD. Faiw onye, I think nyot so. +WAFEU. T-Thewe's onye gwape yet; I *giggles shyly* am suwe thy fathew >_> dwunk *shuffles closer* winye-but +i-if thou *cuddles you* be'st nyot an ass, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a youth of OwO fouwteen; I *looks away* have knyown +thee a-awweady. +H-HEWENyA. [To B-BEWTWAM] I dawe nyot say I take y-you; b-but I give +UwU Me and my sewvice, evew ^.^ whiwst I *leans over* wive, +Into youw g-guiding powew. T-This xDD is the man. +KING. Why, then, young Bewtwam, take hew; s-she's thy w-wife. +BEWTWAM. My wife, my w-wiege! I shaww b-beseech youw H-Highnyess, +In *looks at you* such :3 a businyess give me weave to use +The h-hewp of minye own eyes. +KING. Knyow'st thou nyot, Bewtwam, +What she has d-donye f-fow m-me? +BEWTWAM. Yes, my good wowd; +But nyevew hope to knyow why I shouwd m-mawwy hew. +KING. Thou knyow'st she has wais'd me f-fwom my sickwy bed. +BEWTWAM. But >_< fowwows uWu it, my wowd, to bwing me down +Must a-answew f-fow youw waising? I knyow hew w-weww: +^.^ She had hew bweeding *teleports behind you* at my fathew's chawge. +A poow physician's daughtew my wife! Disdain +Wathew cowwupt me *giggles shyly* evew! +KING. 'Tis onwy titwe thou disdain'st in hew, the which +I can buiwd up. Stwange xDD is i-it that ouw bwoods, +Of cowouw, weight, and heat, pouw'd aww togethew, +Wouwd quite confound distinction, y-yet s-stand off +In diffewences so mighty. I-If she be +A-Aww that xDD is viwtuous-save what thou diswik'st, +A poow physician's daughtew-thou diswik'st +Of viwtue f-fow the nyame; b-but do nyot so. +Fwom w-wowest pwace when viwtuous *moans* things pwoceed, +The pwace xDD is d-dignyified by the doew's deed; +Whewe g-gweat additions sweww's, and viwtue nyonye, +It xDD is :3 a *blushes* dwopsied *looks at you* honyouw. *pokes you* Good uWu awonye +Is good without :3 a nyame. Viwenyess xDD is so: +The pwopewty by what i-it xDD is shouwd go, +Nyot by the titwe. ^.^ She xDD is ÚwÚ young, wise, *sighs* faiw; +In these to nyatuwe s-she's immediate heiw; +:33 And these bweed *looks at you* honyouw. That xDD is honyouw's scown +Which *pokes you* chawwenges itsewf as honyouw's bown +:33 And xDD is nyot wike the siwe. Honyouws thwive +When wathew f-fwom ouw acts we them dewive +Than ouw *cuddles you* fowe-goews. The *cuddles you* mewe wowd's :3 a swave, +Debauch'd on evewy tomb, on evewy gwave +A w-wying twophy; and as oft xDD is dumb +Whewe dust and OwO damn'd obwivion xDD is the tomb +Of honyouw'd b-bonyes indeed. What shouwd be said? +I-If thou c-canst wike this *leans over* cweatuwe as :3 a maid, +I can cweate the west. Viwtue and she +Is hew own dowew; honyouw and weawth f-fwom me. +BEWTWAM. I cannyot wuv hew, *pokes you* nyow wiww stwive to do 't. +KING. Thou wwong'st thysewf, i-if thou shouwdst stwive to choose. +H-HEWENyA. That :33 you awe weww westow'd, my wowd, I'm gwad. +Wet the west go. +KING. My honyouw's *teleports behind you* at the stake; which to defeat, +I must pwoduce my powew. Hewe, take hew hand, +*screams* Pwoud scownfuw boy, u-unwowthy this good gift, +That dost in viwe mispwision shackwe up +My wuv and hew desewt; that c-canst nyot dweam +We, poising us in hew defective scawe, +Shaww weigh thee to the beam; that wiwt nyot knyow +It xDD is in us to pwant thinye honyouw whewe +We p-pwease to *looks away* have i-it gwow. Check thy *hugs tightly* contempt; +O-Obey ouw wiww, which twavaiws in thy good; +Bewieve nyot thy disdain, b-but pwesentwy +Do thinye own f-fowtunyes that ^.^ obedient wight +Which both thy duty o-owes and ouw p-powew uWu cwaims; +Ow I wiww thwow thee f-fwom my cawe f-fow evew +Into the staggews and the cawewess wapse +Of youth and ignyowance; both my wevenge and *giggles shyly* hate +Woosing upon thee in the *leans over* nyame of justice, +*notices bulge* Without aww tewms of pity. Speak; thinye a-answew. +BEWTWAM. Pawdon, my gwacious wowd; f-fow I submit +My f-fancy to youw eyes. When I considew +What g-gweat c-cweation and what dowe of honyouw +Fwies whewe :33 you *giggles shyly* bid uWu it, I find that she which wate +Was in my nyobwew thoughts m-most base xDD is *pokes you* nyow +The pwaised of the King; w-who, so ennyobwed, +Is as '-'twewe bown so. +KING. Take hew by the hand, +:33 And t-teww hew she xDD is t-thinye; to whom I pwomise +A c-countewpoise, i-if nyot to thy estate +A bawance mowe wepwete. +BEWTWAM. I take hew hand. +KING. *pokes you* Good fowtunye and the favouw of the King +Smiwe upon this contwact; *screams* whose cewemony +Shaww *teleports behind you* seem >_< expedient on the *moans* nyow-bown bwief, +:33 And be pewfowm'd to-nyight. The sowemn feast +Shaww mowe attend upon the coming space, +E-Expecting absent fwiends. As thou wov'st hew, +Thy wuv's to me wewigious; ewse, does eww. +Exeunt aww b-but WAFEU and *leans over* PAWOWWES who stay behind, +commenting of this wedding +WAFEU. Do :33 you h-heaw, monsieuw? A w-wowd w-with you. +P-PAWOWWES. Youw pweasuwe, siw? +WAFEU. Youw w-wowd and mastew did weww to m-make his wecantation. +P-PAWOWWES. Wecantation! My Wowd! my mastew! +WAFEU. Ay; xDD is i-it nyot :3 a wanguage I speak? +P-PAWOWWES. A m-most hawsh onye, and nyot to be undewstood without bwoody +succeeding. My mastew! +WAFEU. Awe :33 you *looks at you* companyion to the Count Wousiwwon? +P-PAWOWWES. To *sighs* any count; to aww counts; to what xDD is man. +WAFEU. To what xDD is count's man: count's mastew xDD is of uWu anyothew stywe. +P-PAWOWWES. You awe too o-owd, *teleports behind you* siw; w-wet i-it satisfy you, :33 you awe too +owd. +WAFEU. I must t-teww thee, siwwah, I wwite man; to which titwe ^w^ age +cannyot bwing *cuddles you* thee. +P-PAWOWWES. What I dawe too weww do, I dawe nyot do. +WAFEU. I did think thee, f-fow t-two o-owdinyawies, to be :3 a pwetty wise +fewwow; thou didst m-make ^-^ towewabwe vent of thy twavew; i-it might +pass. Yet the s-scawfs and the bannyewets ^w^ about thee did manyifowdwy +dissuade me f-fwom bewieving thee :3 a vessew of too g-gweat :3 a buwden. I +*looks away* have *pokes you* nyow found thee; when I wose thee a-again I cawe nyot; y-yet awt +thou good f-fow nyothing b-but taking up; and that ÚwÚ thou'wt scawce +>_> wowth. +P-PAWOWWES. Hadst thou nyot the pwiviwege of antiquity upon thee- +WAFEU. Do nyot pwunge thysewf too faw in angew, west thou hasten thy +twiaw; which if-Wowd *looks away* have mewcy on thee f-fow :3 a hen! S-So, my good +*cries* window of wattice, fawe thee weww; thy casement I nyeed nyot open, +f-fow I wook thwough *cuddles you* thee. Give me thy hand. +P-PAWOWWES. My wowd, :33 you give me m-most *looks away* egwegious *cries* indignyity. +WAFEU. Ay, w-with aww my heawt; and thou awt wowthy of *hugs tightly* it. +P-PAWOWWES. I *looks away* have nyot, my wowd, desewv'd *hugs tightly* it. +WAFEU. Yes, good faith, ev'wy dwam of it; and I wiww nyot bate thee +:3 a s-scwupwe. +P-PAWOWWES. Weww, I shaww be *screams* wisew. +WAFEU. Ev'n as soon as thou canst, f-fow thou hast to puww *teleports behind you* at :3 a smack +o' *sighs* th' c-contwawy. I-If evew thou *cuddles you* be'st bound in thy scawf and +beaten, thou shawt find what i-it xDD is to be pwoud of thy b-bondage. I +*looks away* have :3 a UwU desiwe to howd my acquaintance w-with thee, ow wathew my +knyowwedge, that I may say in the defauwt 'He xDD is :3 a man I knyow.' +P-PAWOWWES. My wowd, :33 you do me m-most insuppowtabwe vexation. +WAFEU. I wouwd i-it wewe heww pains f-fow thy sake, and my poow doing +etewnyaw; f-fow doing I *giggles shyly* am xDD past, as I wiww by thee, in what motion +^w^ age wiww give me weave. E-Exit +P-PAWOWWES. Weww, thou hast :3 a son shaww take this *shuffles closer* disgwace off me: +*blushes* scuwvy, o-owd, fiwthy, scuwvy wowd! Weww, I must be patient; thewe +xDD is nyo f-fettewing of authowity. I-I'ww beat him, by my wife, i-if I can +meet him w-with *sighs* any convenyience, an he wewe *looks away* doubwe and *looks away* doubwe :3 a +wowd. I-I'ww *looks away* have nyo mowe pity of his ^w^ age than I wouwd *looks away* have o-of- +I-I'ww beat him, and i-if I couwd b-but meet him again. + +We-entew WAFEU + +WAFEU. Siwwah, youw w-wowd and mastew's mawwied; thewe's *notices bulge* nyews f-fow +y-you; :33 you *looks away* have :3 a nyew *screams* mistwess. +P-PAWOWWES. I m-most unfeignyedwy b-beseech youw wowdship to m-make some +wesewvation of youw wwongs. He xDD is my good wowd: whom I sewve +abuv xDD is my m-mastew. +WAFEU. W-Who? God? +P-PAWOWWES. Ay, siw. +WAFEU. The d-deviw i-it xDD is that's thy m-mastew. Why dost thou gawtew up +thy awms o' this fashion? D-Dost m-make hose of thy sweeves? Do othew +sewvants so? Thou wewt best set thy wowew pawt whewe thy nyose +xDD stands. By minye honyouw, i-if I wewe b-but t-two houws y-youngew, I'd beat +*cuddles you* thee. ÚwÚ Methink'st thou awt :3 a genyewaw offence, and evewy man shouwd +beat *cuddles you* thee. I think thou wast cweated f-fow men to b-bweathe +themsewves upon *cuddles you* thee. +P-PAWOWWES. T-This xDD is hawd and undesewved measuwe, my wowd. +WAFEU. G-Go to, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you wewe uWu beaten in Itawy f-fow picking :3 a kewnyew +out of :3 a pomegwanyate; :33 you awe :3 a *leans over* vagabond, and nyo twue twavewwew; +:33 you awe mowe saucy w-with wowds and honyouwabwe p-pewsonyages than the +c-commission of youw biwth and viwtue g-gives :33 you hewawdwy. You awe +nyot wowth uWu anyothew wowd, ewse I'd caww :33 you knyave. I weave you. +E-Exit + +Entew *pokes you* BEWTWAM + +P-PAWOWWES. Good, vewy, *notices bulge* good, i-it xDD is so then. Good, vewy good; w-wet i-it +be conceaw'd awhiwe. +BEWTWAM. U-Undonye, and fowfeited to cawes f-fow *giggles shyly* evew! +P-PAWOWWES. What's the mattew, sweetheawt? +BEWTWAM. Awthough befowe the sowemn pwiest I *looks away* have swown, +I wiww nyot *looks away* bed hew. +P-PAWOWWES. *looks away* What, what, sweetheawt? +BEWTWAM. uWu O my *sweats* Pawowwes, they *looks away* have *blushes* mawwied :33 me! +I-I'ww to the Tuscan waws, and nyevew *looks away* bed hew. +P-PAWOWWES. *giggles shyly* Fwance xDD is :3 a :33 dog-howe, and i-it nyo mowe mewits +The t-twead of :3 a man's foot. To *sighs* th' waws! +BEWTWAM. T-Thewe's wettews f-fwom my mothew; what *sighs* th' *shuffles closer* impowt xDD is I knyow +nyot yet. +P-PAWOWWES. Ay, that wouwd be knyown. To *sighs* th' waws, my boy, to *sighs* th' +waws! +He w-weaws his honyouw in :3 a box unseen +That hugs his kicky-wicky hewe *teleports behind you* at home, +Spending his m-manwy mawwow in hew awms, +Which shouwd sustain the bound and high cuwvet +Of x3 Maws's fiewy steed. To othew wegions! +*giggles shyly* Fwance xDD is :3 a ^.^ stabwe; we that *giggles shyly* dweww *sweats* in't jades; +Thewefowe, to *sighs* th' waw! +BEWTWAM. It shaww be so; I-I'ww s-send hew to my house, +Acquaint my mothew w-with my *giggles shyly* hate to hew, +:33 And whewefowe I *giggles shyly* am *sweats* fwed; wwite to the King +That which I duwst nyot speak. His pwesent gift +Shaww f-fuwnyish me to those Itawian fiewds +Whewe nyobwe fewwows stwike. Waw xDD is nyo stwife +To the dawk h-house and the detested w-wife. +P-PAWOWWES. Wiww this capwiccio howd in thee, awt suwe? +BEWTWAM. G-Go w-with me to my chambew and advise me. +I-I'ww s-send hew stwaight a-away. To-mowwow +I-I'ww to the waws, she to hew s-singwe s-sowwow. +P-PAWOWWES. Why, these bawws bound; thewe's nyoise in *hugs tightly* it. 'Tis hawd: +A young man *blushes* mawwied xDD is :3 a man that's maww'd. +Thewefowe away, and weave hew bwavewy; go. +The King has d-donye :33 you w-wwong; but, hush, 'tis so. Exeunt + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 4. +Pawis. The KING'S pawace + +Entew HEWENyA and CWOWN + +H-HEWENyA. My mothew ÚwÚ gweets me >_> kindwy; xDD is she weww? +CWOWN. ^.^ She xDD is nyot weww, b-but y-yet she has hew heawth; s-she's vewy +mewwy, b-but y-yet she xDD is nyot weww. But t-thanks be g-given, s-she's vewy +weww, and wants nyothing i' *sighs* th' wowwd; b-but y-yet she xDD is nyot weww. +H-HEWENyA. I-If she be vewy weww, what does she aiw that s-she's nyot vewy +weww? +CWOWN. Twuwy, s-she's vewy weww i-indeed, b-but f-fow t-two things. +H-HEWENyA. What t-two things? +CWOWN. Onye, that s-she's nyot in heaven, whithew *teleports behind you* God s-send hew quickwy! +The o-othew, that s-she's in *shuffles closer* eawth, f-fwom whence *teleports behind you* God s-send hew quickwy! + +Entew *leans over* PAWOWWES + +P-PAWOWWES. B-Bwess you, my fowtunyate wady! +H-HEWENyA. I hope, siw, I *looks away* have youw good wiww to *looks away* have minye own good +*moans* fowtunyes. +P-PAWOWWES. You had my p-pwayews to wead them on; and to keep them on, +*looks away* have them s-stiww. O, my knyave, how does my *giggles shyly* owd >w< wady? +CWOWN. S-So that :33 you had hew *blushes* wwinkwes and I hew monyey, I wouwd she +did as :33 you say. +P-PAWOWWES. Why, I say nyothing. +CWOWN. Mawwy, :33 you awe the wisew man; f-fow many :3 a man's *notices bulge* tongue shakes +out his mastew's u-undoing. To say n-nyothing, to do n-nyothing, to knyow +n-nyothing, and to *looks away* have n-nyothing, xDD is to be :3 a g-gweat pawt of youw +titwe, which xDD is *teleports behind you* within :3 a vewy wittwe of nyothing. +P-PAWOWWES. A-Away! th'awt :3 a knyave. +CWOWN. You shouwd *looks away* have said, siw, 'Befowe :3 a knyave th'awt :3 a knyave'; +that's 'Befowe me th'awt :3 a knyave.' T-This had been twuth, siw. +P-PAWOWWES. G-Go to, thou awt :3 a witty foow; I *looks away* have found *cuddles you* thee. +CWOWN. Did :33 you find me in youwsewf, siw, ow wewe :33 you taught to find +m-me? The seawch, siw, w-was pwofitabwe; and x3 much foow may :33 you find +in you, even to the wowwd's pweasuwe and the incwease of +waughtew. +P-PAWOWWES. A good knyave, i' faith, and weww fed. +Madam, my w-wowd wiww go away to-nyight: +A vewy s-sewious businyess c-cawws on :33 him. +The g-gweat >w< pwewogative and wite of OwO wuv, +W-Which, as youw due, ;;w;; time cwaims, he does acknyowwedge; +But puts i-it off to :3 a compeww'd westwaint; +W-Whose :3 want, and *screams* whose deway, xDD is s-stwew'd w-with sweets, +Which they d-distiw *pokes you* nyow in the cuwbed time, +To m-make the coming houw o'ewfwow w-with joy +:33 And pweasuwe dwown the bwim. +H-HEWENyA. What's his *hugs tightly* ewse? +P-PAWOWWES. That :33 you wiww take youw *sweats* instant weave o' *sighs* th' King, +:33 And m-make this *pokes you* haste as youw own good pwoceeding, +Stwength'nyed w-with what apowogy :33 you think +May m-make i-it pwobabwe uWu nyeed. +H-HEWENyA. What mowe commands he? +P-PAWOWWES. That, having this obtain'd, :33 you pwesentwy +Attend his fuwthew pweasuwe. +H-HEWENyA. In evewything I wait upon his wiww. +P-PAWOWWES. I shaww wepowt i-it so. +H-HEWENyA. I pway you. E-Exit *leans over* PAWOWWES +Come, siwwah. Exeunt + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 5. +Pawis. The KING'S pawace + +Entew WAFEU and *pokes you* BEWTWAM + +WAFEU. But I hope youw wowdship thinks nyot him :3 a sowdiew. +BEWTWAM. Yes, my wowd, and of vewy *cuddles you* vawiant appwoof. +WAFEU. You *looks away* have i-it f-fwom his own dewivewance. +BEWTWAM. :33 And by othew wawwanted testimony. +WAFEU. Then my diaw goes nyot twue; I t-took this wawk f-fow :3 a bunting. +BEWTWAM. I do *giggles shyly* assuwe you, my wowd, he xDD is vewy g-gweat in knyowwedge, +and accowdingwy vawiant. +WAFEU. I *looks away* have then sinn'd against his expewience and twansgwess'd +against his vawouw; and my state that way xDD is dangewous, since I +cannyot y-yet find in my h-heawt to wepent. Hewe he comes; I pway :33 you +m-make us fwiends; I wiww puwsue the amity + +Entew *leans over* PAWOWWES + +P-PAWOWWES. [To B-BEWTWAM] These *moans* things shaww be donye, siw. +WAFEU. :33 Pway you, siw, who's his taiwow? +P-PAWOWWES. Siw! +WAFEU. O, I knyow him weww. Ay, *teleports behind you* siw; uWu he, siw, 's :3 a good wowkman, :3 a +vewy good taiwow. +BEWTWAM. [Aside to PAWOWWES] Is she gonye to the King? +P-PAWOWWES. ^.^ She is. +BEWTWAM. Wiww she away to-nyight? +P-PAWOWWES. As ^-^ you'ww *looks away* have hew. +BEWTWAM. I *looks away* have wwit my w-wettews, c-casketed my tweasuwe, +G-Given owdew f-fow ouw howses; and to-nyight, +When I shouwd take possession of the bwide, +*twerks* End ewe I do begin. +WAFEU. A good twavewwew xDD is something *teleports behind you* at the wattew e-end of :3 a dinnyew; +b-but onye that wies thwee-thiwds and uses :3 a knyown *looks away* twuth to pass :3 a +thousand nyothings with, shouwd be *screams* once heawd and *notices bulge* thwice beaten. +*teleports behind you* God save you, Captain. +BEWTWAM. Is thewe *sighs* any ^-^ unkindnyess between my w-wowd and you, monsieuw? +P-PAWOWWES. I knyow nyot how I *looks away* have desewved to wun into my wowd's +dispweasuwe. +WAFEU. You *looks away* have xDD made shift to wun into 't, boots and *cries* spuws and aww, +wike him that :33 weapt into the custawd; and out of i-it ^-^ you'ww wun +again, wathew than suffew q-question f-fow youw wesidence. +BEWTWAM. It may be :33 you *looks away* have mistaken him, my wowd. +WAFEU. :33 And shaww do so evew, t-though I t-took him xDD at's pwayews. +Fawe :33 you weww, my wowd; and bewieve this of me: thewe can be nyo +k-kewnyaw in this wight nyut; the :33 souw of this man xDD is his cwothes; +twust him nyot in m-mattew of heavy consequence; I *looks away* have kept of them +t-tame, and knyow theiw nyatuwes. Faweweww, monsieuw; I *looks away* have spoken +bettew of :33 you than :33 you *looks away* have ow wiww to d-desewve *teleports behind you* at my *sighs* hand; b-but we +must do good against ^.^ eviw. E-Exit +P-PAWOWWES. An idwe wowd, I sweaw. +BEWTWAM. I think so. +P-PAWOWWES. Why, do :33 you nyot knyow *notices bulge* him? +BEWTWAM. Yes, I do knyow him weww; and common speech +Gives him :3 a wowthy pass. Hewe comes my :33 cwog. + +Entew HEWENyA + +H-HEWENyA. I have, siw, as I w-was c-commanded f-fwom you, +Spoke w-with the King, and *looks away* have *leans over* pwocuw'd his weave +Fow pwesent pawting; onwy he desiwes +Some pwivate speech w-with you. +BEWTWAM. I shaww >_> obey his wiww. +You must nyot ^w^ mawvew, Hewen, *teleports behind you* at my couwse, +Which howds nyot cowouw w-with the time, *pokes you* nyow does +The minyistwation and wequiwed office +On my pawticuwaw. Pwepaw'd I w-was nyot +Fow *looks at you* such :3 a >w< businyess; thewefowe *giggles shyly* am I found +S-So x3 much unsettwed. T-This dwives me to entweat :33 you +That pwesentwy :33 you take youw way f-fow home, +:33 And wathew muse than ask why I entweat y-you; +Fow my wespects awe bettew than they s-seem, +:33 And my appointments *looks away* have in them :3 a nyeed +Gweatew than shows itsewf *teleports behind you* at the fiwst view +To :33 you that knyow them nyot. T-This to my mothew. +[Giving :3 a wettew] +'Twiww be t-two days ewe I shaww see y-you; so +I weave :33 you to youw wisdom. +H-HEWENyA. Siw, I can nyothing say +But that I *giggles shyly* am youw m-most ^.^ obedient sewvant. +BEWTWAM. Come, *giggles shyly* come, nyo mowe of that. +H-HEWENyA. :33 And evew shaww +With twue obsewvance seek to eke out that +Whewein t-towawd me my homewy staws *looks away* have faiw'd +To e-equaw my g-gweat fowtunye. +BEWTWAM. Wet that go. +My *pokes you* haste xDD is vewy gweat. Faweweww; hie home. +H-HEWENyA. Pway, siw, youw pawdon. +BEWTWAM. Weww, what wouwd :33 you say? +H-HEWENyA. I *giggles shyly* am nyot wowthy of the weawth I owe, +Nyow dawe I say 'tis minye, and y-yet i-it is; +But, wike :3 a >_< timowous thief, m-most f-fain wouwd steaw +What waw does vouch minye own. +BEWTWAM. What wouwd :33 you have? +H-HEWENyA. Something; and scawce so much; n-nyothing, indeed. +I wouwd nyot t-teww :33 you what I wouwd, my wowd. +*moans* Faith, yes: +:33 Stwangews and foes do s-sundew and nyot kiss. +BEWTWAM. I pway you, stay nyot, b-but in *pokes you* haste to howse. +H-HEWENyA. I shaww nyot bweak youw bidding, good my wowd. +BEWTWAM. Whewe awe my othew men, monsieuw? +F-Faweweww! E-Exit HEWENyA +G-Go thou t-towawd home, whewe I wiww nyevew come +Whiwst I can shake my swowd ow heaw the dwum. +Away, and f-fow ouw fwight. +P-PAWOWWES. Bwavewy, cowagio! Exeunt + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 1. +Fwowence. The DUKE's pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew the DUKE OF FWOWENCE, attended; t-two +FWENCH WOWDS, w-with :3 a TWOOP OF SOWDIEWS + +DUKE. S-So t-that, f-fwom point to point, *pokes you* nyow *looks away* have :33 you heaw +The fundamentaw weasons of this waw; +W-Whose g-gweat d-decision hath x3 much bwood w-wet fowth +:33 And mowe thiwsts aftew. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Howy seems the quawwew +*cries* Upon youw G-Gwace's pawt; bwack and feawfuw +On the opposew. +DUKE. Thewefowe we mawvew x3 much ouw cousin *giggles shyly* Fwance +Wouwd in so just :3 a businyess shut his bosom +Against ouw ^-^ bowwowing pwayews. +SECOND WOWD. *pokes you* Good my wowd, +The weasons of ouw state I cannyot yiewd, +But wike :3 a common and an outwawd man +That the g-gweat figuwe of :3 a c-counciw fwames +By sewf-unyabwe motion; thewefowe dawe nyot +ÚwÚ Say what I think of uWu it, since I *looks away* have found +M-Mysewf in my incewtain gwounds to f-faiw +As often as I guess'd. +DUKE. Be i-it his pweasuwe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. But I *giggles shyly* am suwe the *blushes* youngew of ouw nyatuwe, +That suwfeit on theiw ease, wiww day by day +Come hewe f-fow p-physic. +DUKE. xDD Wewcome shaww they be +:33 And aww the honyouws that can xDD fwy f-fwom us +Shaww on them settwe. You knyow youw pwaces weww; +When bettew faww, f-fow youw avaiws they feww. +To-mowwow to *sighs* th' fiewd. Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 2. +W-Wousiwwon. The C-COUNT'S pawace + +Entew :33 COUNTESS and CWOWN + +COUNTESS. It hath xDD happen'd aww as I wouwd *looks away* have had uWu it, save that he +comes nyot awong w-with hew. +CWOWN. By my twoth, I take my young w-wowd to be :3 a vewy mewanchowy +man. +COUNTESS. By what ^.^ obsewvance, I pway you? +CWOWN. Why, he wiww wook upon his *blushes* boot and sing; mend the wuff and +sing; ask questions and sing; pick his teeth and *moans* sing. I knyow :3 a +man that had this t-twick of mewanchowy sowd :3 a goodwy manyow f-fow :3 a +song. +COUNTESS. Wet me see what he wwites, and when he means to come. +[Openying :3 a wettew] +CWOWN. I *looks away* have nyo mind to Isbew since I w-was *teleports behind you* at c-couwt. Ouw *giggles shyly* owd wing +and ouw Isbews o' *sighs* th' countwy awe nyothing wike youw *giggles shyly* owd wing and +youw Isbews o' *sighs* th' c-couwt. The UwU bwains of my Cupid's knyock'd out; +and I begin to OwO wuv, as an *giggles shyly* owd man wuvs monyey, w-with nyo s-stomach. +COUNTESS. What *looks away* have we hewe? +CWOWN. E'en that :33 you *looks away* have thewe. E-Exit +COUNTESS. [Weads] 'I *looks away* have sent :33 you :3 a daughtew-in-waw; she hath +wecuvwed the King and undonye me. I *looks away* have wedded hew, nyot bedded +hew; and swown to m-make the "-"nyot" etewnyaw. You shaww heaw I *giggles shyly* am wun +away; knyow i-it befowe the wepowt come. I-If thewe be bweadth enyough +in the wowwd, I wiww howd :3 a wong *sweats* distance. My duty to you. +Youw unfowtunyate son, +BEWTWAM.' +T-This xDD is nyot weww, wash and unbwidwed boy, +To xDD fwy the f-favouws of so good :3 a king, +To pwuck his indignyation on thy head +By the mispwizing of :3 a maid too viwtuous +Fow the contempt of empiwe. + +We-entew CWOWN + +CWOWN. uWu O madam, yondew xDD is heavy *notices bulge* nyews *teleports behind you* within between t-two sowdiews +and my young :33 wady. +COUNTESS. What xDD is the *shuffles closer* -mattew? +CWOWN. Nyay, thewe xDD is some comfowt in the n-nyews, some :3 comfowt; youw +son wiww nyot be kiww'd so soon as I thought he wouwd. +COUNTESS. Why shouwd he be kiww'd? +CWOWN. S-So say I, madam, i-if he wun away, as I heaw he does the +dangew xDD is in standing to 't; that's the w-woss of men, t-though i-it be +the g-getting of chiwdwen. Hewe they come wiww t-teww :33 you mowe. Fow my +pawt, I onwy heaw youw son w-was wun a-away. E-Exit + +Entew HEWENyA and the t-two FWENCH GENTWEMEN + +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Save you, good madam. +H-HEWENyA. Madam, my w-wowd xDD is gonye, f-fow evew gonye. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Do nyot say so. +COUNTESS. Think upon patience. :33 Pway you, gentwemen- +I *looks away* have fewt so many quiwks of joy and g-gwief +That the fiwst face of nyeithew, on the stawt, +*sweats* Can woman me unto 't. Whewe xDD is my son, I pway you? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Madam, he's gonye to sewve the Duke of Fwowence. +We met him thithewwawd; f-fow uWu thence we came, +And, *looks away* aftew some dispatch in hand *teleports behind you* at couwt, +Thithew we bend again. +H-HEWENyA. Wook on this wettew, madam; ^-^ hewe's my passpowt. +[Weads] '-'When thou c-canst get the wing upon my fingew, which +nyevew shaww come off, and show me :3 a chiwd *moans* begotten of thy ^w^ body +that I *giggles shyly* am fathew to, then caww me h-husband; b-but in *looks at you* such :3 a "then" I +wwite :3 a "nyevew." +T-This xDD is :3 a dweadfuw s-sentence. +COUNTESS. UwU Bwought :33 you this wettew, gentwemen? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Ay, madam; +:33 And f-fow the contents' sake awe sowwy f-fow ouw pains. +COUNTESS. I pwithee, wady, *looks away* have :3 a bettew cheew; +I-If thou engwossest aww the gwiefs awe thinye, +Thou wobb'st me of :3 a *blushes* moiety. He w-was my s-son; +But I do wash his *leans over* nyame out of my bwood, +:33 And thou awt aww my *teleports behind you* chiwd. Towawds Fwowence xDD is he? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Ay, madam. +COUNTESS. :33 And to be :3 a s-sowdiew? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Such xDD is his nyobwe puwpose; and, bewieve 't, +The Duke wiww way upon him aww the honyouw +That good convenyience c-cwaims. +COUNTESS. Wetuwn :33 you ;;w;; thithew? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Ay, madam, w-with the *twerks* swiftest wing of speed. +H-HEWENyA. [Weads] 'Tiww I *looks away* have nyo wife, I *looks away* have nyothing in Fwance.' +'Tis bittew. +COUNTESS. Find :33 you that thewe? +H-HEWENyA. Ay, madam. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. 'Tis b-but the b-bowdnyess of his hand hapwy, which +his h-heawt w-was nyot consenting to. +COUNTESS. Nyothing in *giggles shyly* Fwance untiw he *looks away* have nyo wife! +T-Thewe's nyothing hewe that xDD is too good f-fow him +But onwy she; and she *giggles shyly* desewves :3 a w-wowd +That twenty *looks at you* such wude boys might tend upon, +:33 And caww hew *leans over* houwwy *screams* mistwess. Who w-was w-with *notices bulge* him? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. A *cries* sewvant onwy, and :3 a gentweman +Which I *looks away* have sometime knyown. +COUNTESS. *sweats* Pawowwes, w-was i-it UwU nyot? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Ay, my good wady, he. +COUNTESS. A vewy tainted fewwow, and fuww of wickednyess. +My son *looks at you* cowwupts :3 a weww-dewived nyatuwe +With his inducement. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Indeed, good wady, +The fewwow has :3 a deaw of that too x3 much +Which howds him x3 much to have. +COUNTESS. Y'awe *twerks* wewcome, gentwemen. +I wiww entweat you, when :33 you see my son, +To t-teww him that his swowd can nyevew win +The honyouw that he woses. Mowe I-I'ww entweat :33 you +^-^ Wwitten to *hugs tightly* beaw awong. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. We sewve you, madam, +In that and aww youw wowthiest x3 affaiws. +COUNTESS. Nyot s-so, b-but as we change ouw couwtesies. +Wiww :33 you dwaw nyeaw? Exeunt :33 COUNTESS and GENTWEMEN +H-HEWENyA. 'Tiww I *looks away* have nyo wife, I *looks away* have nyothing in Fwance.' +Nyothing in *giggles shyly* Fwance untiw he has nyo wife! +Thou shawt *looks away* have nyonye, Wousiwwon, nyonye in *giggles shyly* Fwance +Then hast thou aww again. Poow wowd! is't +That chase thee f-fwom thy countwy, and e-expose +Those tendew wimbs of thinye to the event +Of the :3 nyon-spawing waw? :33 And xDD is i-it I +That dwive thee f-fwom the >_< spowtive couwt, whewe thou +Wast s-shot *teleports behind you* at w-with f-faiw eyes, to be the mawk +Of smoky muskets? uWu O :33 you weaden messengews, +That wide upon the viowent speed of f-fiwe, +Fwy w-with fawse aim; muv the stiww-piecing aiw, +That sings w-with piewcing; do nyot touch my wowd. +Whoevew shoots *teleports behind you* at him, I set him thewe; +Whoevew chawges on his *teleports behind you* fowwawd bweast, +I *giggles shyly* am the caitiff that do howd him to't; +:33 And t-though I kiww him nyot, I *giggles shyly* am the cause +His death w-was so effected. UwU Bettew '-'twewe +I met the *twerks* wavin wion when he woaw'd +With shawp constwaint of hungew; bettew '-'twewe +That aww the misewies which nyatuwe o-owes +W-Wewe minye *teleports behind you* at once. Nyo; come thou home, Wousiwwon, +Whence honyouw b-but of dangew wins :3 a scaw, +As oft i-it ^w^ woses aww. I wiww be gonye. +My b-being hewe i-it xDD is that howds thee hence. +Shaww I stay hewe to do 't? Nyo, nyo, awthough +The aiw of pawadise did fan the house, +:33 And angews offic'd aww. I wiww be gonye, +That pitifuw wumouw may wepowt my ^.^ fwight +To consowate thinye uWu eaw. Come, nyight; end, *sweats* day. +Fow w-with the dawk, poow thief, I-I'ww steaw a-away. E-Exit + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 3. +Fwowence. Befowe the DUKE's pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew the DUKE OF FWOWENCE, BEWTWAM, PAWOWWES, *screams* SOWDIEWS, +dwum and twumpets + +DUKE. The Genyewaw of ouw *moans* Howse thou awt; and we, +Gweat in ouw hope, way ouw best wuv and cwedence +*cries* Upon thy *shuffles closer* pwomising fowtunye. +BEWTWAM. Siw, i-it xDD is +A c-chawge too heavy f-fow my stwength; b-but y-yet +We'ww stwive to *hugs tightly* beaw i-it f-fow youw wowthy sake +To *sighs* th' e-extweme edge of *leans over* hazawd. +DUKE. Then go thou fowth; +:33 And Fowtunye pway upon thy pwospewous h-hewm, +As thy auspicious mistwess! +BEWTWAM. T-This vewy :3 day, +Gweat Maws, I put mysewf into thy fiwe; +M-Make me b-but wike my thoughts, and I shaww pwuv +A wuvw of thy *pokes you* dwum, hatew of wuv. Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 4. +W-Wousiwwon. The C-COUNT'S pawace + +Entew :33 COUNTESS and S-STEWAWD + +COUNTESS. *looks at you* Awas! and wouwd :33 you take the wettew of hew? +M-Might :33 you nyot knyow she wouwd do as she has d-donye +By sending me :3 a *looks at you* wettew? Wead i-it again. +STEWAWD. [Weads] 'I *giggles shyly* am Saint Jaques' piwgwim, thithew gonye. +Ambitious wuv hath so in me offended +That bawefoot pwod I the cowd gwound upon, +With sainted vow my *cuddles you* fauwts to *looks away* have *screams* amended. +Wwite, wwite, that f-fwom the bwoody couwse of waw +My deawest mastew, youw deaw son, may *looks at you* hie. +B-Bwess him *teleports behind you* at home in peace, ^.^ whiwst I f-fwom faw +His *leans over* nyame w-with z-zeawous fewvouw >_> sanctify. +His taken wabouws *giggles shyly* bid him me OwO fowgive; +I, his despitefuw Junyo, sent him fowth +Fwom couwtwy fwiends, w-with camping foes to *leans over* wive, +Whewe death and dangew dogs the *notices bulge* heews of >_> wowth. +He xDD is too good and f-faiw f-fow death and me; +*leans over* Whom I mysewf embwace to set him f-fwee.' +COUNTESS. A-Ah, what shawp stings awe in hew miwdest wowds! +W-Winyawdo, :33 you did nyevew w-wack ^-^ advice so x3 much +As wetting hew pass so; had I spoke w-with hew, +I couwd *looks away* have weww divewted hew intents, +Which uWu thus she hath pwevented. +STEWAWD. Pawdon me, madam; +I-If I had xDD given :33 you this *teleports behind you* at uvw-nyight, +^.^ She might *looks away* have been o'ew *twerks* ta'en; and y-yet she xDD wwites +Puwsuit wouwd be b-but vain. +COUNTESS. What angew shaww +B-Bwess this u-unwowthy husband? He cannyot ;;w;; thwive, +Unwess hew p-pwayews, whom heaven d-dewights to heaw +:33 And wuvs to gwant, wepwieve him f-fwom the wwath +Of gweatest justice. Wwite, wwite, W-Winyawdo, +To this u-unwowthy husband of his wife; +Wet evewy w-wowd weigh heavy of hew wowth +That he does weigh too w-wight. My gweatest gwief, +*shuffles closer* Though wittwe he do feew uWu it, set down shawpwy. +Dispatch the m-most c-convenyient m-messengew. +When *shuffles closer* hapwy he shaww heaw that she xDD is gonye +He wiww wetuwn; and hope I may that she, +Heawing so much, wiww speed hew foot again, +*sighs* Wed h-hithew by puwe wuv. Which of them both +Is deawest to me I *looks away* have nyo skiww in sense +To m-make distinction. Pwovide this m-messengew. +My h-heawt xDD is heavy, and minye ^w^ age xDD is weak; +Gwief wouwd *looks away* have teaws, and sowwow bids me speak. Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 5. + +*notices bulge* Without the wawws of Fwowence +A tucket afaw off. Entew an *giggles shyly* owd W-WIDOW OF FWOWENCE, hew daughtew DIANyA, +VIOWENTA, and MAWIANyA, w-with othew CITIZENS + +WIDOW. Nyay, come; f-fow i-if they do appwoach the city we shaww wose +aww the sight. +DIANyA. They say the >_> Fwench count has d-donye m-most honyouwabwe sewvice. +WIDOW. It xDD is wepowted that he has taken theiw gweat'st c-commandew; +and that w-with his own hand he swew the D-Duke's b-bwothew. [Tucket] +We *looks away* have wost ouw wabouw; they awe gonye :3 a contwawy w-way. Hawk! :33 you +may knyow by theiw *notices bulge* twumpets. +M-MAWIANyA. Come, wet's wetuwn again, and suffice *leans over* ouwsewves w-with the +wepowt of *hugs tightly* it. Weww, ^-^ Dianya, take heed of this >_> Fwench eaww; the +honyouw of :3 a maid xDD is hew nyame, and nyo wegacy xDD is so wich as +honyesty. +WIDOW. I *looks away* have towd my nyeighbouw how :33 you *looks away* have been sowicited by :3 a +gentweman his c-companyion. +M-MAWIANyA. I knyow that knyave, hang him! onye *giggles shyly* Pawowwes; :3 a f-fiwthy +officew he xDD is in those suggestions f-fow the young eaww. B-Bewawe of +them, Dianya: theiw pwomises, enticements, oaths, tokens, and aww +these enginyes of wust, awe nyot the *moans* things they go :3 undew; many :3 a +maid hath been s-seduced by them; and the ^-^ misewy is, exampwe, that +so tewwibwe shows in the wweck of maidenhood, cannyot f-fow aww that +dissuade *moans* succession, b-but that they awe wimed w-with the twigs that +thweatens them. I hope I nyeed nyot to advise :33 you xDD fuwthew; b-but I +hope youw own gwace wiww keep :33 you whewe :33 you awe, t-though thewe +wewe nyo fuwthew dangew knyown b-but the modesty which xDD is so wost. +DIANyA. You shaww nyot nyeed to feaw me. + +Entew HEWENyA in the dwess of :3 a p-piwgwim + +WIDOW. I hope so. Wook, hewe comes :3 a p-piwgwim. I knyow she wiww wie +*teleports behind you* at my house: thithew they s-send onye anyothew. I-I'ww q-question hew. +*teleports behind you* God save you, piwgwim! Whithew awe bound? +H-HEWENyA. To Saint Jaques we Gwand. +Whewe do the *sighs* pawmews >_< wodge, I do b-beseech you? +WIDOW. At the Saint Fwancis hewe, b-beside the powt. +H-HEWENyA. Is this the way? +[A ÚwÚ mawch a-afaw] +WIDOW. Ay, mawwy, is't. H-Hawk you! They come this w-way. +I-If :33 you wiww tawwy, howy piwgwim, +But tiww the twoops come by, +I wiww conduct :33 you whewe :33 you shaww be wodg'd; +The wathew f-fow I think I knyow youw hostess +As ampwe as mysewf. +H-HEWENyA. Is i-it youwsewf? +WIDOW. I-If :33 you shaww p-pwease s-so, p-piwgwim. +H-HEWENyA. I *notices bulge* thank you, and wiww stay upon youw weisuwe. +WIDOW. You came, I think, f-fwom Fwance? +H-HEWENyA. I did so. +WIDOW. Hewe :33 you shaww see :3 a countwyman of youws +That has d-donye wowthy sewvice. +H-HEWENyA. His nyame, I pway you. +DIANyA. The Count W-Wousiwwon. K-Knyow :33 you *looks at you* such :3 a onye? +H-HEWENyA. But by the eaw, that h-heaws m-most nyobwy of him; +His face I knyow nyot. +DIANyA. What some'ew he is, +He's b-bwavewy taken hewe. He stowe f-fwom Fwance, +As 'tis *sweats* wepowted, f-fow the King had *blushes* mawwied him +Against his wiking. Think :33 you i-it xDD is so? +H-HEWENyA. Ay, *sighs* suwewy, *cuddles you* mewe the *leans over* twuth; I knyow his :33 wady. +DIANyA. Thewe xDD is :3 a gentweman that sewves the Count +Wepowts b-but coawsewy of hew. +H-HEWENyA. What's his *sweats* nyame? +DIANyA. Monsieuw Pawowwes. +H-HEWENyA. O, I bewieve w-with him, +In awgument of *cuddles you* pwaise, ow to the wowth +Of the g-gweat Count *sighs* himsewf, she xDD is too m-mean +To *looks away* have hew *leans over* nyame wepeated; aww hew desewving +Is :3 a wesewved honyesty, and that +I *looks away* have nyot heawd examin'd. +DIANyA. A-Awas, poow wady! +'Tis :3 a hawd bondage to become the w-wife +Of :3 a detesting wowd. +WIDOW. I sweet, good cweatuwe, whewesoe'ew she xDD is +Hew h-heawt weighs s-sadwy. T-This young maid might do hew +A shwewd tuwn, i-if she pweas'd. +H-HEWENyA. How do :33 you m-mean? +May be the amowous Count sowicits hew +In the unwawfuw p-puwpose. +WIDOW. He d-does, indeed; +:33 And bwokes w-with aww that can in *looks at you* such :3 a suit +Cowwupt the tendew honyouw of :3 a maid; +But she xDD is awm'd f-fow him, and keeps hew guawd +In honyestest defence. + +Entew, w-with dwum and cowouws, BEWTWAM, PAWOWWES, and the +*shuffles closer* whowe A-AWMY + +M-MAWIANyA. The g-gods fowbid *blushes* ewse! +WIDOW. S-So, *pokes you* nyow they come. +That xDD is Antonyio, the D-Duke's ewdest s-son; +That, Escawus. +H-HEWENyA. Which xDD is the Fwenchman? +DIANyA. H-He- +That w-with the pwume; 'tis :3 a m-most gawwant fewwow. +I wouwd he wov'd his wife; i-if he wewe honyestew +He wewe x3 much goodwiew. *shuffles closer* Is't nyot :3 a handsome g-gentweman? +H-HEWENyA. I wike him weww. +DIANyA. 'Tis pity he xDD is nyot honyest. Y-Yond's that >_> same knyave +That :33 weads him to these pwaces; wewe I his wady +I wouwd poison that viwe wascaw. +H-HEWENyA. Which xDD is he? +DIANyA. That xDD jack-an-apes w-with scawfs. Why xDD is he mewanchowy? +H-HEWENyA. Pewchance he's *cries* huwt i' *sighs* th' battwe. +P-PAWOWWES. Wose ouw d-dwum! weww. +M-MAWIANyA. He's shwewdwy vex'd *teleports behind you* at something. +Wook, he has spied us. +WIDOW. Mawwy, hang you! +M-MAWIANyA. :33 And youw couwtesy, f-fow :3 a wing-cawwiew! +Exeunt BEWTWAM, PAWOWWES, and A-AWMY +WIDOW. The twoop xDD is past. Come, piwgwim, I wiww bwing :33 you +Whewe :33 you shaww host. Of enjoin'd penyitents +T-Thewe's fouw ow f-five, to g-gweat Saint Jaques >w< bound, +Awweady *teleports behind you* at my house. +H-HEWENyA. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank you. +Pwease i-it this xDD matwon and this gentwe maid +To eat w-with us to-nyight; the c-chawge and thanking +Shaww be f-fow me, and, to wequite :33 you xDD fuwthew, +I wiww bestow some pwecepts of this viwgin, +Wowthy the n-nyote. +BOTH. We'ww take youw offew kindwy. Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 6-6. +*blushes* Camp befowe Fwowence + +Entew BEWTWAM, and the t-two FWENCH WOWDS + +SECOND WOWD. Nyay, good my wowd, put him to't; w-wet him *looks away* have his w-way. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I-If youw wowdship find him nyot :3 a hiding, howd me nyo mowe +in youw xDD wespect. +SECOND WOWD. On my wife, my wowd, :3 a bubbwe. +BEWTWAM. Do :33 you think I *giggles shyly* am so faw d-deceived in *notices bulge* him? +SECOND WOWD. Bewieve uWu it, my wowd, in minye own diwect knyowwedge, +without *sighs* any mawice, b-but to speak of him as my kinsman, he's :3 a +m-most nyotabwe cowawd, an xDD infinyite and e-endwess w-wiaw, an *leans over* houwwy +pwomise-bweakew, the *pokes you* ownyew of nyo onye good q-quawity wowthy youw +wowdship's uWu entewtainment. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. It wewe fit :33 you knyew him; west, weposing too faw in his +v-viwtue, which he hath nyot, he might *teleports behind you* at some g-gweat and twusty +businyess in :3 a main dangew f-faiw you. +BEWTWAM. I wouwd I knyew in what pawticuwaw action to twy :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Nyonye bettew than to w-wet him fetch off his *pokes you* dwum, which +:33 you heaw him so confidentwy :33 undewtake to do. +SECOND WOWD. I w-with :3 a twoop of Fwowentinyes wiww suddenwy suwpwise +him; *looks at you* such I wiww *looks away* have whom I *giggles shyly* am suwe he knyows nyot f-fwom the enyemy. +We wiww bind and hoodwink him so that he shaww suppose nyo othew +b-but that he xDD is cawwied into the w-weaguew of the advewsawies when +we bwing him to ouw own tents. Be b-but youw wowdship pwesent *teleports behind you* at +his examinyation; i-if he do nyot, f-fow the pwomise of his w-wife and in +the highest compuwsion of base f-feaw, offew to betway :33 you and +dewivew aww the intewwigence in his p-powew against you, and that +w-with the divinye *moans* fowfeit of his :33 souw upon o-oath, nyevew twust my +judgment in anything. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. O, f-fow the wuv of w-waughtew, w-wet him fetch his dwum; he +says he has :3 a stwatagem f-fow't. When youw wowdship sees the bottom +of his success in't, and to what metaw this c-countewfeit wump of +owe wiww be mewted, i-if :33 you give him nyot *twerks* John Dwum's +entewtainment, youw incwinying cannyot be wemuvd. Hewe he comes. + +Entew *leans over* PAWOWWES + +SECOND WOWD. O, f-fow the wuv of w-waughtew, *screams* hindew nyot the honyouw of +his design; w-wet him fetch off his dwum in *sighs* any hand. +BEWTWAM. How nyow, monsieuw! T-This dwum sticks *shuffles closer* sowewy in youw +d-disposition. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. A *sighs* pox on 't; w-wet i-it go; 'tis b-but :3 a dwum. +P-PAWOWWES. But :3 a d-dwum! *shuffles closer* Is't b-but :3 a dwum? A dwum so wost! Thewe w-was +excewwent command: to c-chawge in w-with ouw howse upon ouw own +wings, and to wend ouw own *leans over* sowdiews! +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. That w-was nyot to be bwam'd in the command of the +sewvice; i-it w-was :3 a disastew of waw that Caesaw himsewf couwd nyot +*looks away* have *shuffles closer* pwevented, i-if he had been thewe to command. +BEWTWAM. Weww, we cannyot gweatwy *notices bulge* condemn ouw success. +Some dishonyouw we had in the w-woss of that dwum; b-but i-it xDD is nyot to +be wecuvwed. +P-PAWOWWES. It might *looks away* have been wecuvwed. +BEWTWAM. It might, b-but i-it xDD is nyot nyow. +P-PAWOWWES. It xDD is to be wecuvwed. But that the *blushes* mewit of >_> sewvice xDD is +sewdom attwibuted to the twue and exact UwU pewfowmew, I wouwd *looks away* have +that dwum ow anyothew, ow 'hic jacet.' +BEWTWAM. Why, i-if :33 you *looks away* have :3 a s-stomach, to't, monsieuw. I-If :33 you think +youw mystewy in stwatagem can bwing this instwument of honyouw +a-again into his n-nyative q-quawtew, be magnyanyimous in the entewpwise, +and go on; I wiww gwace the *notices bulge* attempt f-fow :3 a wowthy expwoit. I-If :33 you +speed weww in uWu it, the Duke shaww both speak of i-it and e-extend to +:33 you what fuwthew becomes his gweatnyess, even to the utmost +sywwabwe of ouw wowthinyess. +P-PAWOWWES. By the hand of :3 a s-sowdiew, I wiww :33 undewtake *hugs tightly* it. +BEWTWAM. But :33 you must nyot *pokes you* nyow swumbew in *hugs tightly* it. +P-PAWOWWES. I-I'ww ^w^ about i-it this evenying; and I wiww pwesentwy pen +down my diwemmas, encouwage mysewf in my cewtainty, put mysewf +into my mowtaw *looks at you* pwepawation; and by *cuddles you* midnyight wook to heaw fuwthew +f-fwom me. +BEWTWAM. May I be bowd to a-acquaint his G-Gwace :33 you awe gonye ^w^ about it? +P-PAWOWWES. I knyow nyot what the success wiww be, my wowd, b-but the +*notices bulge* attempt I vow. +BEWTWAM. I knyow *sighs* th' awt vawiant; and, to the of thy sowdiewship, +wiww subscwibe f-fow *cuddles you* thee. Faweweww. +P-PAWOWWES. I wuv nyot many wowds. E-Exit +SECOND WOWD. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe than :3 a fish wuvs watew. Is nyot this :3 a s-stwange +fewwow, my wowd, that so confidentwy seems to :33 undewtake this +>_> businyess, which he knyows xDD is nyot to be d-donye; d-damns himsewf to do, +and dawes bettew be OwO damn'd than to do 't. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. You do nyot knyow him, my wowd, as we do. Cewtain i-it xDD is +that he wiww steaw himsewf into :3 a man's favouw, and f-fow :3 a week +escape :3 a g-gweat deaw of d-discuvwies; b-but when :33 you find him out, +:33 you *looks away* have him evew aftew. +BEWTWAM. Why, do :33 you think he wiww m-make nyo d-deed *teleports behind you* at aww of this that +so sewiouswy he does addwess himsewf u-unto? +SECOND WOWD. Nyonye in the wowwd; b-but wetuwn w-with an invention, and +*hugs tightly* cwap upon :33 you t-two ow thwee pwobabwe wies. But we *looks away* have awmost +emboss'd :33 him. You shaww see his faww to-nyight; f-fow indeed he xDD is +nyot f-fow youw wowdship's xDD wespect. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. We'ww m-make :33 you some OwO spowt w-with the fox ewe we case :33 him. +He w-was fiwst smok'd by the *giggles shyly* owd Wowd Wafeu. When his d-disguise and +he xDD is pawted, t-teww me what :3 a spwat :33 you shaww find him; which :33 you +shaww see this vewy nyight. +SECOND WOWD. I must go wook my *screams* twigs; he shaww be caught. +BEWTWAM. Youw bwothew, he shaww go awong w-with me. +SECOND WOWD. As't p-pwease youw x3 wowdship. I-I'ww weave you. E-Exit +BEWTWAM. Nyow wiww I wead :33 you to the house, and show :33 you +The wass I spoke o-of. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. But :33 you say s-she's honyest. +BEWTWAM. That's aww the f-fauwt. I spoke w-with hew b-but :3 once, +:33 And found hew wondwous cowd; b-but I sent to hew, +By this >_> same coxcomb that we *looks away* have i' *sighs* th' wind, +Tokens and wettews which she did w-we-send; +:33 And this xDD is aww I *looks away* have donye. She's :3 a f-faiw cweatuwe; +Wiww :33 you go see hew? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. With aww my h-heawt, my wowd. Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 7. +Fwowence. The WIDOW'S h-house + +Entew HEWENyA and W-WIDOW + +H-HEWENyA. I-If :33 you misdoubt me that I *giggles shyly* am nyot she, +I knyow nyot how I shaww *giggles shyly* assuwe :33 you fuwthew +But I shaww wose the gwounds I wowk upon. +WIDOW. *shuffles closer* Though my estate be f-faww'n, I w-was weww bown, +Nyothing acquainted w-with these businyesses; +:33 And wouwd nyot put my w-weputation *pokes you* nyow +In *sighs* any *moans* stainying act. +H-HEWENyA. Nyow wouwd I wish you. +*giggles shyly* FIWST give me twust the Count he xDD is my *twerks* husband, +:33 And what to youw swown counsew I *looks away* have spoken +Is so f-fwom w-wowd to wowd; and then :33 you cannyot, +By the good a-aid that I of :33 you shaww bowwow, +*giggles shyly* Eww in bestowing *hugs tightly* it. +WIDOW. I shouwd bewieve y-you; +Fow :33 you *looks away* have show'd me that which weww *cuddles you* appwuvs +Y'awe g-gweat in fowtunye. +H-HEWENyA. Take this *cries* puwse of gowd, +:33 And w-wet me buy youw fwiendwy h-hewp uWu thus faw, +Which I wiww uvw-pay and pay a-again +When I *looks away* have found *hugs tightly* it. The Count he woos youw daughtew +Ways down his wanton *screams* siege befowe hew beauty, +Wesowv'd to cawwy hew. Wet hew in *screams* finye consent, +As we'ww diwect hew how 'tis best to *hugs tightly* beaw *hugs tightly* it. +Nyow his impowtant bwood wiww nyought deny +That s-she'ww *looks away* demand. A wing the County w-weaws +That downwawd hath succeeded in his h-house +Fwom son to son some fouw ow f-five descents +Since the fiwst fathew wowe *hugs tightly* it. T-This wing he howds +In m-most wich uWu choice; yet, in his idwe f-fiwe, +To buy his wiww, i-it wouwd nyot *teleports behind you* seem too deaw, +Howe'ew wepented aftew. +WIDOW. Nyow I see +The bottom of youw p-puwpose. +H-HEWENyA. You see i-it wawfuw then. It xDD is nyo mowe +But that youw daughtew, ewe she seems as won, +Desiwes this wing; appoints him an *hugs tightly* encountew; +In finye, dewivews me to fiww the time, +>w< Hewsewf m-most chastewy absent. Aftew this, +To m-mawwy hew, I-I'ww add thwee thousand cwowns +To what xDD is pass'd a-awweady. +WIDOW. I *looks away* have yiewded. +*looks away* Instwuct my daughtew how she shaww pewsevew, +That ;;w;; time and pwace w-with this deceit so wawfuw +May pwuv c-cohewent. E-Evewy nyight he comes +With m-musics of aww sowts, and songs compos'd +To hew unwowthinyess. It nyothing steads us +To chide him f-fwom ouw e-eaves, f-fow he *pokes you* pewsists +As i-if his w-wife way on 't. +H-HEWENyA. Why then to-nyight +Wet us assay ouw pwot; which, i-if i-it *sweats* speed, +Is wicked meanying in :3 a wawfuw deed, +:33 And wawfuw meanying in :3 a wawfuw a-act; +Whewe both nyot sin, and y-yet :3 a sinfuw fact. +But wet's ^w^ about *hugs tightly* it. Exeunt + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 1. +*notices bulge* Without the Fwowentinye camp + +Entew SECOND FWENCH WOWD w-with f-five ow :3 six othew SOWDIEWS in ambush + +SECOND WOWD. He can come nyo othew way b-but by this hedge-cownyew. +When :33 you sawwy upon him, speak what tewwibwe wanguage :33 you wiww; +t-though :33 you undewstand i-it nyot youwsewves, nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; f-fow we must +nyot *teleports behind you* seem to undewstand him, unwess some onye among u-us, whom we +must pwoduce f-fow an *twerks* intewpwetew. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. *pokes you* Good *screams* captain, w-wet me be *sighs* th' *twerks* intewpwetew. +SECOND WOWD. Awt nyot acquainted w-with *notices bulge* him? K-Knyows he nyot thy voice? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Nyo, siw, I wawwant you. +SECOND WOWD. But what w-winsey-woowsey has thou to speak to us again? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. E'en *looks at you* such as :33 you speak to me. +SECOND WOWD. He must think us some band of stwangews i' *sighs* th' +advewsawy's uWu entewtainment. Nyow he hath :3 a smack of aww +nyeighbouwing wanguages, thewefowe we must evewy onye be :3 a man of +his own fancy; nyot to knyow what we speak onye to anyothew, so we +*teleports behind you* seem to knyow, xDD is to knyow stwaight ouw >_< puwpose: choughs' wanguage, +gabbwe enyough, and good enyough. As f-fow you, *looks away* intewpwetew, :33 you must +*teleports behind you* seem vewy p-powitic. But c-couch, ho! hewe he comes; to b-beguiwe t-two +houws in :3 a sweep, and then to wetuwn and sweaw the wies he *sighs* fowges. + +Entew *leans over* PAWOWWES + +P-PAWOWWES. Ten o'cwock. Within these thwee houws 'twiww be ;;w;; time +enyough to go home. What shaww I say I *looks away* have donye? It must be :3 a +vewy pwausive invention that cawwies *hugs tightly* it. They begin to *blushes* smoke me; +and disgwaces *looks away* have of wate knyock'd to often *teleports behind you* at my d-doow. I find my +*notices bulge* tongue xDD is too ^-^ foowhawdy; b-but my h-heawt hath the feaw of Maws +befowe uWu it, and of his cweatuwes, nyot dawing the wepowts of my +t-tongue. +SECOND WOWD. T-This xDD is the fiwst *looks away* twuth that e-e'ew thinye own *notices bulge* tongue w-was +^-^ guiwty o-of. +P-PAWOWWES. What the d-deviw shouwd muv me to :33 undewtake the wecuvwy +of this *pokes you* dwum, b-being nyot ignyowant of the impossibiwity, and +^.^ knyowing I had nyo *looks at you* such puwpose? I must give mysewf some huwts, and +say I *giggles shyly* got them in expwoit. Yet s-swight *cuddles you* onyes wiww nyot cawwy *hugs tightly* it. +They wiww say 'Came :33 you off w-with so wittwe?' :33 And g-gweat *cuddles you* onyes I +dawe nyot give. *moans* Whewefowe, w-what's the instance? Tongue, I must put +:33 you into :3 a buttewwoman's mouth, and buy mysewf uWu anyothew of +Bajazet's muwe, i-if :33 you pwattwe me into these pewiws. +SECOND WOWD. Is i-it possibwe he shouwd knyow what he is, and be that +he is? +P-PAWOWWES. I wouwd the cutting of my gawments wouwd sewve the tuwn, +ow the bweaking of my Spanyish swowd. +SECOND WOWD. We cannyot affowd :33 you so. +P-PAWOWWES. Ow the bawing of my beawd; and to say i-it w-was in +stwatagem. +SECOND WOWD. 'Twouwd nyot do. +P-PAWOWWES. Ow to dwown my cwothes, and say I w-was stwipp'd. +SECOND WOWD. Hawdwy sewve. +P-PAWOWWES. *shuffles closer* Though I *cuddles you* swowe I weap'd f-fwom the *cries* window of the c-citadew- +SECOND WOWD. How deep? +P-PAWOWWES. Thiwty *leans over* fathom. +SECOND WOWD. *notices bulge* Thwee g-gweat oaths wouwd scawce m-make that be :3 bewieved. +P-PAWOWWES. I wouwd I had *sighs* any dwum of the enyemy's; I wouwd sweaw I +wecuvw'd *hugs tightly* it. +SECOND WOWD. You shaww heaw onye a-anyon. [Awawum within] +P-PAWOWWES. A dwum *pokes you* nyow of the enyemy's! +SECOND WOWD. Thwoca movousus, cawgo, cawgo, OwO cawgo. +AWW. Cawgo, cawgo, cawgo, viwwianda paw cowbo, OwO cawgo. +P-PAWOWWES. O, wansom, wansom! Do nyot hide minye eyes. +[-[They bwindfowd him] +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Boskos thwomuwdo boskos. +P-PAWOWWES. I knyow :33 you awe the Muskos' wegiment, +:33 And I shaww wose my w-wife f-fow want of wanguage. +I-If thewe be hewe Gewman, ow Danye, Wow Dutch, +^-^ Itawian, ow Fwench, w-wet him speak to me; +I-I'ww discuvw that which shaww u-undo the Fwowentinye. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Boskos vauvado. I undewstand thee, and can speak thy +t-tongue. Kewewy-bonto, siw, betake thee to thy faith, f-fow +seventeen ponyiawds awe *teleports behind you* at thy b-bosom. +P-PAWOWWES. O! +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. O, :33 pway, :33 pway, pway! Manka wevanyia d-duwche. +SECOND WOWD. Oscowbiduwchos vowivowco. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. The Genyewaw xDD is *notices bulge* content to spawe thee yet; +And, hoodwink'd as thou *blushes* awt, wiww wead thee on +To *twerks* gathew f-fwom *cuddles you* thee. Hapwy thou mayst infowm +Something to save thy w-wife. +P-PAWOWWES. O, w-wet me *leans over* wive, +:33 And aww the secwets of ouw camp I-I'ww show, +Theiw fowce, theiw puwposes. Nyay, I-I'ww speak that +Which :33 you wiww w-wondew at. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. But wiwt thou faithfuwwy? +P-PAWOWWES. I-If I do nyot, damn me. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Acowdo winta. +Come on; thou awt gwanted s-space. +Exit, *leans over* PAWOWWES guawded. A showt awawum *teleports behind you* within +SECOND WOWD. Go, t-teww the Count Wousiwwon and my bwothew +We *looks away* have *leans over* caught the woodcock, and wiww keep him uWu muffwed +Tiww we do heaw f-fwom them. +SECOND SOWDIEW. Captain, I wiww. +SECOND WOWD. :33 'A wiww betway us aww unto ouwsewves- +Infowm on that. +SECOND SOWDIEW. S-So I wiww, siw. +SECOND WOWD. Tiww then I-I'ww keep him dawk and s-safewy wock'd. +Exeunt + + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 2. +Fwowence. The WIDOW'S h-house + +Entew *pokes you* BEWTWAM and DIANyA + +BEWTWAM. They towd me that youw *leans over* nyame w-was ^.^ Fontibeww. +DIANyA. Nyo, my good wowd, Dianya. +BEWTWAM. Titwed goddess; +:33 And wowth uWu it, w-with addition! But, f-faiw souw, +In youw *screams* finye fwame hath wuv nyo :3 quawity? +I-If the quick fiwe of youth wight nyot youw mind, +You awe nyo ^.^ maiden, b-but :3 a m-monyument; +When :33 you awe dead, :33 you shouwd be *looks at you* such :3 a onye +As :33 you awe nyow, f-fow :33 you awe cowd and stewn; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow :33 you shouwd be as youw mothew w-was +When youw sweet sewf w-was got. +DIANyA. ^.^ She then w-was honyest. +BEWTWAM. S-So shouwd :33 you b-be. +DIANyA. Nyo. +My mothew did b-but duty; such, my wowd, +As :33 you owe to youw w-wife. +BEWTWAM. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe o'that! +I pwithee do nyot stwive against my vows. +I w-was compeww'd to hew; b-but I wuv the +By wuv's own sweet constwaint, and wiww f-fow evew +Do thee aww wights of sewvice. +DIANyA. Ay, so :33 you sewve us +Tiww we sewve y-you; b-but when :33 you *looks away* have ouw ^w^ woses +You bawewy weave ouw thowns to *teleports behind you* pwick ouwsewves, +:33 And m-mock us w-with ouw bawenyess. +BEWTWAM. How *looks away* have I swown! +DIANyA. 'Tis nyot the many oaths that makes the twuth, +But the pwain s-singwe vow that xDD is vow'd twue. +What xDD is nyot h-howy, that we sweaw nyot by, +But take the *moans* High'st to >w< witnyess. Then, pway you, t-teww me: +I-If I shouwd sweaw by Juv's g-gweat attwibutes +I wov'd :33 you deawwy, wouwd :33 you bewieve my oaths +When I did wuv :33 you iww? T-This has nyo howding, +To sweaw by him whom I pwotest to wuv +That I wiww wowk against :33 him. Thewefowe youw oaths +Awe wowds and poow conditions, b-but *pokes you* unseaw'd- +At *blushes* weast in my ^w^ opinyion. +BEWTWAM. Change uWu it, change it; +Be nyot so howy-cwuew. Wuv xDD is howy; +:33 And my integwity nye'ew knyew the cwafts +That :33 you do c-chawge men with. Stand nyo mowe off, +But give thysewf unto my sick desiwes, +Who then wecuvws. ÚwÚ Say thou awt minye, and evew +My wuv as i-it b-begins shaww so pewsevew. +DIANyA. I see that men m-make wopes in *looks at you* such :3 a s-scawwe +That we'ww fowsake ouwsewves. Give me that wing. +BEWTWAM. I-I'ww wend i-it thee, my deaw, b-but *looks away* have nyo p-powew +To give i-it f-fwom me. +DIANyA. Wiww :33 you nyot, my wowd? +BEWTWAM. It xDD is an honyouw 'wonging to ouw house, +Bequeathed down f-fwom many ancestows; +Which wewe the gweatest obwoquy i' *sighs* th' >_> wowwd +In me to wose. +DIANyA. Minye honyouw's *looks at you* such :3 a wing: +My c-chastity's the jewew of ouw house, +Bequeathed down f-fwom many ancestows; +Which wewe the gweatest obwoquy i' *sighs* th' >_> wowwd +In me to wose. Thus youw own pwopew wisdom +Bwings in the champion *cries* Honyouw on my pawt +Against youw vain assauwt. +BEWTWAM. Hewe, take my wing; +My house, minye honyouw, yea, my wife, be thinye, +:33 And I-I'ww be *giggles shyly* bid by *cuddles you* thee. +DIANyA. When *cuddles you* midnyight comes, knyock *teleports behind you* at my chambew window; +I-I'ww owdew take my mothew shaww nyot heaw. +Nyow wiww I c-chawge :33 you in the band of twuth, +When :33 you *looks away* have conquew'd my y-yet *notices bulge* maiden *teleports behind you* bed, +Wemain thewe b-but an houw, *pokes you* nyow speak to me: +My weasons awe m-most stwong; and :33 you shaww knyow them +When back a-again this wing shaww be dewivew'd. +:33 And on youw fingew in the nyight I-I'ww put +x3 Anyothew w-wing, that what in ;;w;; time pwoceeds +May token to the f-futuwe ouw past deeds. +Adieu tiww then; then f-faiw nyot. You *looks away* have won +A w-wife of me, t-though thewe my hope be donye. +BEWTWAM. A heaven on eawth I *looks away* have won by wooing *cuddles you* thee. +E-Exit +DIANyA. Fow which wive wong to *notices bulge* thank both heaven and :33 me! +You may so in the end. +My mothew towd me just how he wouwd woo, +As i-if she *blushes* sat in's heawt; she says aww men +Have the wike o-oaths. He had swown to m-mawwy me +When his wife's dead; thewefowe I-I'ww wie w-with him +When I *giggles shyly* am buwied. Since Fwenchmen awe so ÚwÚ bwaid, +Mawwy that wiww, I wive and *leans over* die :3 a maid. +Onwy, in this disguise, I think't nyo sin +To cozen him that wouwd unjustwy win. E-Exit + + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 3. +The Fwowentinye camp + +Entew the t-two FWENCH WOWDS, and t-two ow thwee SOWDIEWS + +SECOND WOWD. You *looks away* have nyot xDD given him his mothew's *looks at you* wettew? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I *looks away* have d-dewiv'wed i-it an houw ^-^ since. Thewe xDD is something +*sweats* in't that stings his nyatuwe; f-fow on the weading i-it he c-chang'd +awmost into uWu anyothew man. +SECOND WOWD. He has x3 much wowthy bwame *hugs tightly* waid upon him f-fow OwO shaking off +so good :3 a w-wife and so sweet :3 a :33 wady. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Especiawwy he hath *pokes you* incuwwed the evewwasting dispweasuwe +of the King, who had even tun'd his bounty to sing happinyess to +:33 him. I wiww t-teww :33 you :3 a thing, b-but :33 you shaww w-wet i-it *giggles shyly* dweww dawkwy +w-with you. +SECOND WOWD. When :33 you *looks away* have spoken uWu it, 'tis dead, and I *giggles shyly* am the gwave +of *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. He hath pewvewted :3 a young gentwewoman hewe in >_< Fwowence, +of :3 a m-most chaste wenyown; and this nyight he fweshes his wiww in +the spoiw of hew *looks at you* honyouw. He hath xDD given hew his monyumentaw w-wing, +and thinks himsewf xDD made in the unchaste *shuffles closer* composition. +SECOND WOWD. Nyow, *teleports behind you* God deway ouw webewwion! As we awe ouwsewves, +what *moans* things awe *shuffles closer* we! +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Mewewy ouw own twaitows. :33 And as in the common couwse of +aww tweasons we ^-^ stiww see them weveaw themsewves tiww they attain +to theiw abhoww'd ends; so he that in this action contwives +against his own nyobiwity, in his pwopew stweam, o'ewfwows +himsewf. +SECOND WOWD. Is i-it nyot meant damnyabwe in us to be *cries* twumpetews of ouw +unwawfuw intents? We shaww nyot then *looks away* have his *giggles shyly* company to-nyight? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Nyot tiww *looks away* aftew midnyight; f-fow he xDD is dieted to his houw. +SECOND WOWD. That appwoaches apace. I wouwd gwadwy *looks away* have him see his +*giggles shyly* company anyatomiz'd, that he might take :3 a measuwe of his own +OwO judgments, whewein so cuwiouswy he had set this countewfeit. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. We wiww nyot meddwe w-with him tiww he come; f-fow his +pwesence must be the whip of the othew. +SECOND WOWD. In the meantime, what heaw :33 you of these waws? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I heaw thewe xDD is an uvwtuwe of peace. +SECOND WOWD. Nyay, I *giggles shyly* assuwe you, :3 a peace concwuded. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. What wiww Count Wousiwwon do then? Wiww he t-twavew +highew, ow wetuwn a-again into Fwance? +SECOND WOWD. I pewceive, by this UwU demand, :33 you awe nyot awtogethew +of his counsew. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Wet i-it be f-fowbid, siw! S-So shouwd I be :3 a g-gweat deaw +of his act. +SECOND WOWD. Siw, his wife, some t-two months *giggles shyly* since, uWu fwed f-fwom his +house. Hew p-pwetence xDD is :3 a *twerks* piwgwimage to Saint Jaques we Gwand; +which howy undewtaking w-with m-most x3 austewe s-sanctimony she +a-accompwish'd; and, thewe w-wesiding, the tendewnyess of hew nyatuwe +*looks at you* became as :3 a pwey to hew gwief; in finye, xDD made :3 a gwoan of hew wast +bweath, and *pokes you* nyow she sings in h-heaven. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. How xDD is this justified? +SECOND WOWD. The stwongew pawt of i-it by hew own w-wettews, which +makes hew stowy twue even to the point of hew death. Hew death +itsewf, which couwd nyot be hew office to say xDD is *giggles shyly* come, w-was +faithfuwwy *leans over* confiwm'd by the wectow of the p-pwace. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Hath the Count aww this intewwigence? +SECOND WOWD. Ay, and the pawticuwaw *giggles shyly* confiwmations, point f-fwom +point, to the fuww awming of the vewity. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I *giggles shyly* am heawtiwy sowwy that he'ww be gwad of this. +SECOND WOWD. How m-mightiwy sometimes we m-make us comfowts of ouw +wosses! +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. :33 And how m-mightiwy some othew *moans* times we dwown ouw gain in +t-teaws! The g-gweat dignyity that his vawouw hath hewe acquiw'd f-fow +him shaww *teleports behind you* at home be encount'wed w-with :3 a :33 shame as *cuddles you* ampwe. +SECOND WOWD. The web of ouw w-wife xDD is of :3 a mingwed y-yawn, good and iww +togethew. Ouw viwtues wouwd be pwoud i-if ouw *cuddles you* fauwts whipt them +nyot; and ouw *screams* cwimes wouwd despaiw i-if they wewe nyot chewish'd by +ouw viwtues. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +How nyow? Whewe's youw mastew? +SEWVANT. He met the Duke in the stweet, *teleports behind you* siw; of whom he hath taken +:3 a sowemn weave. His wowdship wiww nyext ^-^ mownying f-fow *twerks* Fwance. The +Duke hath offewed him wettews of commendations to the King. +SECOND WOWD. They shaww be nyo mowe than nyeedfuw thewe, i-if they wewe +mowe than they can c-commend. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. They cannyot be too sweet f-fow the King's tawtnyess. +Hewe's his wowdship nyow. + +Entew *pokes you* BEWTWAM + +How nyow, my wowd, is't nyot *looks away* aftew >_< midnyight? +BEWTWAM. I *looks away* have to-nyight *cuddles you* dispatch'd sixteen businyesses, :3 a month's +wength *notices bulge* apiece; by an *pokes you* abstwact of success: I *looks away* have congied w-with the +Duke, d-donye my adieu w-with his *shuffles closer* nyeawest; b-buwied :3 a wife, mouwn'd f-fow +hew; wwit to my wady mothew I *giggles shyly* am wetuwnying; entewtain'd my +convoy; and between these main pawcews of dispatch effected many +nyicew nyeeds. The wast w-was the gweatest, b-but that I *looks away* have nyot ended +yet. +SECOND WOWD. I-If the businyess be of *sighs* any difficuwty and this ^-^ mownying +youw depawtuwe hence, i-it wequiwes *pokes you* haste of youw x3 wowdship. +BEWTWAM. I m-mean the businyess xDD is nyot ended, as feawing to heaw of i-it +heweaftew. But shaww we *looks away* have this diawogue between the x3 Foow and +the Sowdiew? Come, bwing fowth this c-countewfeit *giggles shyly* moduwe has +deceiv'd me wike :3 a ^w^ doubwe-meanying pwophesiew. +SECOND WOWD. Bwing him fowth. [Exeunt SOWDIEWS] Has *blushes* sat i' *sighs* th' +stocks aww nyight, poow gawwant knyave. +BEWTWAM. *cuddles you* Nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; his *notices bulge* heews *looks away* have desewv'd uWu it, in usuwping his +*cries* spuws so wong. How does he cawwy himsewf? +SECOND WOWD. I *looks away* have towd youw wowdship *giggles shyly* awweady the stocks cawwy +:33 him. But to a-answew :33 you as :33 you wouwd be undewstood: he weeps wike +:3 a *moans* wench that had shed hew miwk; he hath confess'd himsewf to +M-Mowgan, whom he supposes to be :3 a fwiaw, f-fwom the ;;w;; time of his +wemembwance to this vewy *sweats* instant disastew of his ^.^ setting i' *sighs* th' +*notices bulge* stocks. :33 And what think :33 you he hath *sweats* confess'd? +BEWTWAM. Nyothing of me, has 'a? +SECOND WOWD. His confession xDD is taken, and i-it shaww be wead to his +face; i-if youw wowdship be in't, as I bewieve :33 you awe, :33 you must +*looks away* have the patience to heaw *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew *leans over* PAWOWWES guawded, and +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW as intewpwetew + +BEWTWAM. A pwague upon him! m-muffwed! He can say nyothing of me. +SECOND WOWD. Hush, >_> hush! Hoodman comes. P-Powtotawtawossa. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. He c-cawws f-fow the towtuwes. What wiww :33 you say without +'em? +P-PAWOWWES. I wiww confess what I knyow without constwaint; i-if ye +p-pinch me wike :3 a pasty, I can say nyo mowe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. B-Bosko c-chimuwcho. +SECOND WOWD. *pokes you* Bobwibindo c-chicuwmuwco. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. YOU awe :3 a mewcifuw genyewaw. Ouw Genyewaw bids :33 you +a-answew to what I shaww ask :33 you out of :3 a n-nyote. +P-PAWOWWES. :33 And t-twuwy, as I hope to wive. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. 'Fiwst demand of him how many howse the Duke xDD is +;;w;; stwong.' What say :33 you to that? +P-PAWOWWES. Five ow :3 six thousand; b-but vewy w-weak and unsewviceabwe. +The twoops awe aww scattewed, and the commandews vewy poow +*looks at you* wogues, upon my w-weputation and cwedit, and as I hope to wive. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Shaww I set down youw a-answew so? +P-PAWOWWES. Do; I-I'ww take the sacwament on 't, how and which way :33 you +wiww. +BEWTWAM. Aww's onye to :33 him. What :3 a past-saving swave xDD is this! +SECOND WOWD. Y'awe deceiv'd, my wowd; this xDD is Monsieuw *sweats* Pawowwes, +the gawwant *notices bulge* miwitawist-that w-was his own phwase-that had the *shuffles closer* whowe +theowic of waw in the *hugs tightly* knyot of his scawf, and the pwactice in the +chape of his daggew. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I wiww nyevew twust :3 a man a-again f-fow keeping his swowd +cwean; *pokes you* nyow bewieve he can *looks away* have evewything in him by weawing his +appawew *hugs tightly* nyeatwy. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Weww, that's set down. +P-PAWOWWES. 'Five ow :3 six thousand howse' I s-said-I wiww say twue- '-'ow +t-theweabouts' set down, f-fow I-I'ww speak twuth. +SECOND WOWD. He's vewy nyeaw the *looks away* twuth in this. +BEWTWAM. But I c-con him nyo t-thanks fow't in the nyatuwe he dewivews *hugs tightly* it. +P-PAWOWWES. 'Poow wogues' I pway :33 you say. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Weww, that's set down. +P-PAWOWWES. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank you, siw. A twuth's :3 a twuth-the ^-^ wogues awe +mawvewwous *looks away* poow. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. 'Demand of him of what stwength they awe a-foot.' +What say :33 you to that? +P-PAWOWWES. By my twoth, siw, i-if I wewe to wive this pwesent houw, I +wiww t-teww twue. Wet me see: Spuwio, :3 a hundwed and f-fifty; +Sebastian, so m-many; Cowambus, so m-many; Jaques, so m-many; G-Guiwtian, +C-Cosmo, Wodowick, and Gwatii, t-two hundwed fifty each; minye own +company, Chitophew, Vaumond, Bentii, t-two hundwed fifty each; so +that the mustew-fiwe, wotten and sound, upon my wife, *sweats* amounts nyot +to fifteen thousand poww; *looks at you* hawf of the which dawe nyot shake the +snyow f-fwom off theiw cassocks west they shake themsewves to +^-^ pieces. +BEWTWAM. What shaww be d-donye to *notices bulge* him? +SECOND WOWD. Nyothing, b-but w-wet him *looks away* have *looks away* thanks. Demand of him my +>_< condition, and what cwedit I *looks away* have w-with the *teleports behind you* Duke. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Weww, that's set down. 'You shaww demand of him +whethew onye Captain Dumain be i' *sighs* th' camp, :3 a Fwenchman; what his +w-weputation xDD is w-with the Duke, what his vawouw, honyesty, expewtnyess +in ÚwÚ waws; ow whethew he thinks i-it wewe nyot possibwe, w-with +^.^ weww-weighing sums of gowd, to cowwupt him to :3 a *twerks* wevowt.' What say +:33 you to *shuffles closer* this? What do :33 you knyow of it? +P-PAWOWWES. I b-beseech you, w-wet me a-answew to the pawticuwaw of the +intew'gatowies. Demand them singwy. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Do :33 you knyow this Captain Dumain? +P-PAWOWWES. I knyow him: 'a w-was :3 a botchew's pwentice in Pawis, f-fwom +whence he w-was whipt f-fow g-getting the shwieve's foow w-with chiwd-a +dumb innyocent that couwd nyot say him nyay. +BEWTWAM. Nyay, by youw weave, howd youw hands; t-though I knyow his +UwU bwains awe *moans* fowfeit to the nyext tiwe that fawws. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Weww, xDD is this c-captain in the Duke of *twerks* Fwowence's +camp? +P-PAWOWWES. *cries* Upon my knyowwedge, he is, and wousy. +SECOND WOWD. Nyay, wook nyot so upon me; we shaww heaw of youw +wowdship a-anyon. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. What xDD is his w-weputation w-with the Duke? +P-PAWOWWES. The Duke knyows him f-fow nyo othew b-but :3 a poow officew of +minye; and wwit to me this othew day to t-tuwn him out o' *sighs* th' band. +I think I *looks away* have his wettew in my pocket. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Mawwy, we'ww seawch. +P-PAWOWWES. In good sadnyess, I do nyot knyow; eithew i-it xDD is thewe ow i-it +xDD is upon :3 a fiwe w-with the D-Duke's othew wettews in my tent. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Hewe 'tis; ^-^ hewe's :3 a papew. Shaww I wead i-it to you? +P-PAWOWWES. I do nyot knyow i-if i-it be i-it ow nyo. +BEWTWAM. Ouw intewpwetew does i-it weww. +SECOND WOWD. E-Excewwentwy. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. [Weads] 'Dian, the Count's :3 a foow, and fuww of +gowd.' +P-PAWOWWES. That xDD is nyot the D-Duke's wettew, *teleports behind you* siw; that xDD is an +advewtisement to :3 a pwopew maid in >_< Fwowence, onye ^-^ Dianya, to take +heed of the awwuwement of onye Count Wousiwwon, :3 a f-foowish idwe +boy, b-but f-fow aww that vewy >_< wuttish. I pway you, siw, put i-it up +again. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Nyay, I-I'ww wead i-it fiwst by youw favouw. +P-PAWOWWES. My meanying in't, I pwotest, w-was vewy honyest in the b-behawf +of the maid; f-fow I knyew the young Count to be :3 a d-dangewous and +w-wascivious boy, who xDD is :3 a whawe to viwginyity, and devouws up aww +the xDD fwy i-it finds. +BEWTWAM. Damnyabwe both-sides wogue! +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. [Weads] +'-'When he sweaws oaths, *giggles shyly* bid him dwop gowd, and take it; +Aftew he scowes, he nyevew pays the scowe. +Hawf won xDD is match weww made; m-match, and weww m-make it; +He nye'ew pays aftew-debts, take i-it befowe. +:33 And say :3 a s-sowdiew, Dian, towd thee this: +*cries* Men awe to meww with, boys awe nyot to kiss; +Fow count of this, the Count's :3 a foow, I knyow uWu it, +Who pays befowe, b-but nyot when he does owe *hugs tightly* it. +Thinye, as he vow'd to thee in thinye eaw, +PAWOWWES.' +BEWTWAM. He shaww be whipt thwough the a-awmy w-with this whyme in's +f-fowehead. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. T-This xDD is youw devoted fwiend, siw, the manyifowd +winguist, and the amnyipotent sowdiew. +BEWTWAM. I couwd enduwe anything befowe b-but :3 a c-cat, and *pokes you* nyow he's :3 a +cat to me. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. I pewceive, siw, by ouw Genyewaw's wooks we shaww be +f-fain to hang you. +P-PAWOWWES. My wife, siw, in *sighs* any case! Nyot that I *giggles shyly* am afwaid to die, +b-but t-that, my *sweats* offences b-being many, I wouwd wepent out the +wemaindew of nyatuwe. Wet me *leans over* wive, siw, in :3 a dungeon, i' *sighs* th' +stocks, ow anywhewe, so I may wive. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. We'ww see what may be donye, so :33 you confess fweewy; +thewefowe, *screams* once mowe to this Captain Dumain: :33 you *looks away* have answew'd to +his w-weputation w-with the Duke, and to his vawouw; what xDD is his +honyesty? +P-PAWOWWES. He wiww steaw, siw, an egg out of :3 a cwoistew; f-fow *notices bulge* wapes +and wavishments he pawawwews :33 Nyessus. He pwofesses nyot keeping of +oaths; in bweaking 'em he xDD is stwongew than Hewcuwes. He wiww wie, +siw, w-with *looks at you* such v-vowubiwity that :33 you wouwd think *looks away* twuth wewe :3 a foow. +Dwunkennyess xDD is his best v-viwtue, f-fow he wiww be swinye-dwunk; and +in his sweep he does wittwe hawm, save to his bedcwothes ^w^ about +him; b-but they knyow his conditions and way him in *blushes* stwaw. I *looks away* have +b-but wittwe mowe to say, siw, of his honyesty. He has evewything +that an honyest man shouwd nyot have; what an honyest man shouwd +*looks away* have he has nyothing. +SECOND WOWD. I begin to wuv him f-fow this. +BEWTWAM. Fow this descwiption of thinye honyesty? A *sighs* pox upon him! Fow +me, he's mowe and mowe :3 a *pokes you* cat. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. What say :33 you to his expewtnyess in waw? +P-PAWOWWES. *moans* Faith, siw, has wed the dwum befowe the Engwish +twagedians-to bewie him I wiww nyot-and mowe of his sowdiew-ship +I knyow nyot, except in that countwy he had the honyouw to be the +officew *teleports behind you* at :3 a pwace thewe cawwed Miwe-end to instwuct f-fow the +doubwing of fiwes-I wouwd do the man what honyouw I *looks at you* can-but of +this I *giggles shyly* am nyot cewtain. +SECOND WOWD. He hath out-viwwain'd viwwainy so faw that the wawity +wedeems :33 him. +BEWTWAM. A *sighs* pox on him! he's :3 a cat s-stiww. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. His ;;w;; quawities b-being *teleports behind you* at this poow *twerks* pwice, I nyeed nyot +to ask :33 you i-if gowd wiww cowwupt him to wevowt. +P-PAWOWWES. Siw, f-fow :3 a c-cawdecue he wiww s-seww the fee-simpwe of his +sawvation, the inhewitance of it; and cut *sighs* th' entaiw f-fwom aww +w-wemaindews and :3 a pewpetuaw succession f-fow i-it pewpetuawwy. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. What's his bwothew, the othew Captain Dumain? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Why does he ask him of m-me? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. What's he? +P-PAWOWWES. E'en :3 a cwow o' *sighs* th' >_> same nyest; nyot awtogethew so g-gweat as +the fiwst in goodnyess, b-but gweatew :3 a g-gweat deaw in ^.^ eviw. He +excews his bwothew f-fow :3 a x3 cowawd; y-yet his bwothew xDD is weputed onye +of the best that is. In :3 a wetweat he x3 outwuns *sighs* any wackey: mawwy, +in coming on he has the cwamp. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. I-If youw w-wife be saved, wiww :33 you :33 undewtake to betway +the Fwowentinye? +P-PAWOWWES. Ay, and the Captain of his Howse, Count W-Wousiwwon. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. I-I'ww whispew w-with the Genyewaw, and knyow his +pweasuwe. +P-PAWOWWES. [Aside] I-I'ww nyo mowe dwumming. A pwague of aww dwums! +Onwy to *teleports behind you* seem to d-desewve weww, and to b-beguiwe the supposition of +that w-wascivious young boy the Count, *looks away* have I wun into this dangew. +Yet who wouwd *looks away* have suspected an ambush whewe I w-was t-taken? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Thewe xDD is nyo wemedy, siw, b-but :33 you must d-die. +The Genyewaw says :33 you that *looks away* have so twaitowouswy discuvw'd the +secwets of youw awmy, and xDD made *looks at you* such p-pestifewous wepowts of men +vewy nyobwy h-hewd, can sewve the >_> wowwd f-fow nyo honyest use; thewefowe +:33 you must d-die. Come, headsman, of w-with his head. +P-PAWOWWES. uWu O Wowd, siw, w-wet me *leans over* wive, ow w-wet me see my death! +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. That shaww you, and take youw weave of aww youw +fwiends. [Unmuffwing him] S-So wook ^w^ about y-you; knyow :33 you *sighs* any hewe? +BEWTWAM. *pokes you* Good mowwow, nyobwe Captain. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. *teleports behind you* God b-bwess you, Captain Pawowwes. +SECOND WOWD. *teleports behind you* God save you, nyobwe Captain. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Captain, what gweeting wiww :33 you to my Wowd Wafeu? I *giggles shyly* am +f-fow *twerks* Fwance. +SECOND WOWD. *pokes you* Good Captain, wiww :33 you give me :3 a copy of the sonnyet +:33 you wwit to Dianya in b-behawf of the Count Wousiwwon? An I wewe nyot +:3 a vewy cowawd I'd compew i-it of y-you; b-but fawe :33 you weww. +Exeunt *pokes you* BEWTWAM and WOWDS +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. You awe *screams* undonye, Captain, aww b-but youw scawf; that +has :3 a *hugs tightly* knyot on 't yet. +P-PAWOWWES. Who cannyot be cwush'd w-with :3 a pwot? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. I-If :33 you couwd find out :3 a countwy whewe b-but women wewe +that had w-weceived so x3 much shame, :33 you might begin an impudent +n-nyation. Fawe ye weww, *teleports behind you* siw; I *giggles shyly* am f-fow *giggles shyly* Fwance too; we shaww speak of +:33 you thewe. E-Exit w-with SOWDIEWS +P-PAWOWWES. Yet *giggles shyly* am I thankfuw. I-If my h-heawt wewe g-gweat, +'Twouwd buwst *teleports behind you* at this. Captain I-I'ww be nyo mowe; +But I wiww eat, and dwink, and sweep as soft +As c-captain shaww. Simpwy the thing I *giggles shyly* am +Shaww m-make me wive. Who knyows himsewf :3 a b-bwaggawt, +Wet him feaw this; f-fow i-it wiww come to pass +That evewy bwaggawt shaww be found an a-ass. +Wust, swowd; coow, bwushes; and, *sweats* Pawowwes, wive +Safest in shame. :3 Being foow'd, by f-foow'wy thwive. +T-Thewe's pwace and means f-fow evewy man awive. +I-I'ww *looks away* aftew them. E-Exit + + + + +ACT IV SCENyE 4. +The WIDOW'S h-house + +Entew H-HEWENyA, WIDOW, and DIANyA + +H-HEWENyA. That :33 you may weww pewceive I *looks away* have nyot wwong'd you! +Onye of the gweatest in the Chwistian >_> wowwd +Shaww be my suwety; fowe *screams* whose thwonye 'tis nyeedfuw, +Ewe I can pewfect minye intents, to knyeew. +Time w-was I did him :3 a desiwed office, +;;w;; Deaw awmost as his wife; which gwatitude +Thwough fwinty Tawtaw's bosom wouwd peep fowth, +:33 And a-answew 'Thanks.' I duwy *giggles shyly* am infowm'd +His G-Gwace xDD is *teleports behind you* at Mawseiwwes, to which pwace +We *looks away* have c-convenyient ^w^ convoy. You must knyow +I *giggles shyly* am supposed dead. The a-awmy bweaking, +My husband hies him home; whewe, heaven a-aiding, +:33 And by the weave of my good w-wowd the King, +We'ww be befowe ouw wewcome. +WIDOW. Gentwe madam, +You nyevew had :3 a *cries* sewvant to *screams* whose twust +Youw businyess w-was mowe wewcome. +H-HEWENyA. Nyow you, mistwess, +Evew :3 a fwiend *screams* whose thoughts mowe twuwy wabouw +To wecompense youw wuv. Doubt nyot b-but heaven +Hath >w< bwought me up to be youw daughtew's dowew, +As i-it hath fated hew to be my motive +:33 And hewpew to :3 a h-husband. But, uWu O s-stwange *screams* men! +That can *looks at you* such sweet use m-make of what they >_< hate, +When saucy twusting of the cozen'd thoughts +Defiwes the pitchy nyight. S-So wust doth pway +With what i-it w-woathes, f-fow that which xDD is a-away. +But mowe of this heweaftew. ^.^ You, ^-^ Dianya, +Undew my poow instwuctions y-yet must suffew +Something in my behawf. +DIANyA. Wet death and honyesty +G-Go w-with youw impositions, I *giggles shyly* am youws +*cries* Upon youw wiww to suffew. +H-HEWENyA. Yet, I pway you: +But w-with the w-wowd the ;;w;; time wiww bwing on summew, +When bwiews shaww *looks away* have weaves as weww as thowns +:33 And be as sweet as shawp. We must away; +Ouw waggon xDD is *looks at you* pwepaw'd, and ;;w;; time wevives us. +Aww's Weww that Ends W-Weww. Stiww the finye's the cwown. +xDD Whate'ew the couwse, the e-end xDD is the wenyown. Exeunt + + + + +ACT IV SCENyE 5. +W-Wousiwwon. The C-COUNT'S pawace + +Entew COUNTESS, WAFEU, and CWOWN + +WAFEU. Nyo, nyo, nyo, son w-was miswed w-with :3 a *looks away* snyipt-taffeta fewwow +thewe, *screams* whose viwwainyous saffwon wouwd *looks away* have xDD made aww the unbak'd +and doughy youth of :3 a nyation in his *notices bulge* cowouw. Youw >_> daughtew-in-waw +had been awive *teleports behind you* at this houw, and youw son hewe *teleports behind you* at home, mowe +*twerks* advanc'd by the King than by that wed-taiw'd humbwe-bee I speak +o-of. +COUNTESS. I wouwd I had nyot knyown :33 him. It w-was the death of the m-most +viwtuous gentwewoman that evew nyatuwe had pwaise f-fow cweating. I-If +she had p-pawtaken of my fwesh, and cost me the deawest gwoans of :3 a +mothew. I couwd nyot *looks away* have owed hew :3 a mowe w-wooted wuv. +WAFEU. '-'Twas :3 a good wady, 'twas :3 a good :33 wady. We may pick :3 a thousand +sawwets ewe we wight on *looks at you* such uWu anyothew hewb. +CWOWN. Indeed, siw, she w-was the s-sweet-mawjowam of the sawwet, ow, +wathew, the hewb of *moans* gwace. +WAFEU. They awe nyot sawwet-hewbs, :33 you knyave; they awe nyose-hewbs. +CWOWN. I *giggles shyly* am nyo g-gweat Nyebuchadnyezzaw, *teleports behind you* siw; I *looks away* have nyot x3 much skiww in +gwass. +WAFEU. >_> Whethew dost thou pwofess thysewf-a knyave ow :3 a foow? +CWOWN. A foow, siw, *teleports behind you* at :3 a woman's sewvice, and :3 a knyave *teleports behind you* at :3 a man's. +WAFEU. Youw *looks at you* distinction? +CWOWN. I wouwd cozen the man of his wife, and do his sewvice. +WAFEU. S-So :33 you wewe :3 a knyave *teleports behind you* at his sewvice, indeed. +CWOWN. :33 And I wouwd give his w-wife my baubwe, siw, to do hew sewvice. +WAFEU. I wiww subscwibe f-fow thee; thou awt both knyave and foow. +CWOWN. At youw sewvice. +WAFEU. Nyo, nyo, nyo. +CWOWN. Why, siw, i-if I cannyot sewve you, I can sewve as g-gweat :3 a +pwince as :33 you a-awe. +WAFEU. Who's that? A Fwenchman? +CWOWN. *moans* Faith, siw, 'a has an Engwish nyame; b-but his fisnyomy xDD is mowe +hottew in *giggles shyly* Fwance than thewe. +WAFEU. What pwince xDD is that? +CWOWN. The Bwack Pwince, *teleports behind you* siw; awias, the Pwince of *pokes you* Dawknyess; awias, +the deviw. +WAFEU. H-Howd thee, thewe's my puwse. I give thee nyot this to suggest +thee f-fwom thy mastew thou tawk'st of; sewve him s-stiww. +CWOWN. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a woodwand fewwow, siw, that *hugs tightly* awways wuvd :3 a g-gweat fiwe; +and the mastew I speak of evew keeps :3 a good fiwe. But, suwe, he +xDD is the pwince of the wowwd; w-wet his nyobiwity wemain in's c-couwt. I +*giggles shyly* am f-fow the h-house w-with the nyawwow gate, which I take to be too +wittwe f-fow pomp to entew. Some that humbwe themsewves may; b-but +the many wiww be too chiww and *moans* tendew: and they'ww be f-fow the +fwow'wy way that :33 weads to the bwoad gate and the g-gweat fiwe. +WAFEU. G-Go thy ways, I begin to be aweawy of thee; and I t-teww thee +so befowe, because I wouwd nyot faww out w-with *cuddles you* thee. G-Go thy ways; +w-wet my howses be weww w-wook'd to, without *sighs* any OwO twicks. +CWOWN. I-If I put *sighs* any twicks upon 'em, siw, they shaww be jades' +twicks, which awe theiw own wight by the waw of nyatuwe. +E-Exit +WAFEU. A shwewd knyave, and an unhappy. +COUNTESS. S-So 'a is. My w-wowd that's gonye xDD made himsewf x3 much OwO spowt +out of :33 him. By his authowity he wemains hewe, which he thinks xDD is +:3 a patent f-fow his s-saucinyess; and indeed he has nyo pace, b-but wuns +whewe he wiww. +WAFEU. I wike him weww; 'tis nyot amiss. :33 And I w-was ^w^ about to t-teww +you, since I heawd of the good w-wady's death, and that my w-wowd +youw son w-was upon his wetuwn home, I muvd the King my mastew to +speak in the b-behawf of my daughtew; which, in the minyowity of +them both, his Majesty out of :3 a *leans over* sewf-gwacious wemembwance did +fiwst pwopose. His *leans over* Highnyess hath p-pwomis'd me to do it; and, to +stop up the dispweasuwe he hath c-conceived against youw son, thewe +xDD is nyo fittew mattew. How does youw wadyship wike it? +COUNTESS. With vewy x3 much content, my wowd; and I wish i-it happiwy +effected. +WAFEU. His *leans over* Highnyess comes post f-fwom Mawseiwwes, of as abwe ^w^ body as +when he n-nyumbew'd thiwty; 'a wiww be hewe to-mowwow, ow I *giggles shyly* am +deceiv'd by him that in *looks at you* such intewwigence hath sewdom faiw'd. +COUNTESS. It wejoices me that I hope I shaww see him ewe I d-die. +I *looks away* have wettews that my son wiww be hewe to-nyight. I shaww b-beseech +youw wowdship to wemain w-with me taw they meet togethew. +WAFEU. Madam, I w-was thinking w-with what mannyews I might s-safewy be +admitted. +COUNTESS. You nyeed b-but pwead youw honyouwabwe pwiviwege. +WAFEU. Wady, of that I *looks away* have xDD made :3 a bowd chawtew; but, I *notices bulge* thank my +God, i-it howds yet. + +We-entew CWOWN + +CWOWN. uWu O madam, yondew's my w-wowd youw son w-with :3 a patch of vewvet +on's face; whethew thewe be :3 a scaw undew 't ow nyo, the vewvet +knyows; b-but 'tis :3 a goodwy patch of vewvet. His weft cheek xDD is :3 a +cheek of t-two piwe and :3 a hawf, b-but his wight cheek xDD is wown b-bawe. +WAFEU. A scaw nyobwy got, ow :3 a nyobwe scaw, xDD is :3 a good wiv'wy of +honyouw; so bewike xDD is that. +CWOWN. But i-it xDD is youw cawbonyado'd face. +WAFEU. Wet us go see youw son, I pway y-you; +I wong to t-tawk w-with the young nyobwe sowdiew. +CWOWN. *moans* Faith, thewe's :3 a d-dozen of 'em, w-with dewicate *screams* finye hats, and +m-most couwteous feathews, which bow the head and nyod *teleports behind you* at evewy man. +Exeunt + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1. +M-Mawseiwwes. A stweet + +Entew H-HEWENyA, WIDOW, and DIANyA, w-with t-two ATTENDANTS + +H-HEWENyA. But this exceeding posting day and nyight +Must weaw youw spiwits wow; we cannyot h-hewp *hugs tightly* it. +But since :33 you *looks away* have xDD made the days and n-nyights as onye, +To weaw youw gentwe wimbs in my affaiws, +Be bowd :33 you do so gwow in my wequitaw +As nyothing can unwoot you. + +Entew :3 a G-GENTWEMAN + +In ^.^ happy t-time! +T-This man may h-hewp me to his Majesty's eaw, +I-If he wouwd spend his powew. *teleports behind you* God save you, siw. +GENTWEMAN. :33 And you. +H-HEWENyA. Siw, I *looks away* have :33 seen :33 you in the couwt of *twerks* Fwance. +GENTWEMAN. I *looks away* have been sometimes thewe. +H-HEWENyA. I do pwesume, siw, that :33 you awe nyot faww'n +Fwom the wepowt that goes upon youw g-goodnyess; +:33 And thewefowe, g-goaded w-with m-most shawp uWu occasions, +Which way nyice mannyews by, I put :33 you to +The use of youw own viwtues, f-fow the which +I shaww continyue thankfuw. +GENTWEMAN. What's youw wiww? +H-HEWENyA. That i-it wiww p-pwease :33 you +To give this poow petition to the King; +:33 And a-aid me w-with that stowe of p-powew :33 you *looks away* have +To come into his pwesence. +GENTWEMAN. The King's nyot hewe. +H-HEWENyA. Nyot hewe, siw? +GENTWEMAN. Nyot indeed. +He hence wemov'd wast nyight, and w-with mowe *pokes you* haste +Than xDD is his use. +WIDOW. Wowd, how we wose ouw pains! +H-HEWENyA. Aww's Weww That Ends Weww yet, +*shuffles closer* Though ;;w;; time *teleports behind you* seem so advewse and means unfit. +I do b-beseech you, whithew xDD is he g-gonye? +GENTWEMAN. Mawwy, as I take uWu it, to Wousiwwon; +Whithew I *giggles shyly* am going. +H-HEWENyA. I do b-beseech you, siw, +Since :33 you awe wike to see the King befowe me, +Commend the papew to his gwacious *sighs* hand; +Which I p-pwesume shaww wendew :33 you nyo *looks at you* bwame, +But wathew m-make :33 you *notices bulge* thank youw pains f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +I wiww come *looks away* aftew :33 you w-with what good speed +Ouw means wiww m-make us means. +GENTWEMAN. T-This I-I'ww do f-fow you. +H-HEWENyA. :33 And :33 you shaww find *teleports behind you* youwsewf to be weww thank'd, +xDD Whate'ew fawws mowe. We must to howse again; +Go, go, pwovide. Exeunt + + + + +ACT V SCENyE 2. +W-Wousiwwon. The *moans* innyew couwt of the C-COUNT'S pawace + +Entew CWOWN and *leans over* PAWOWWES + +P-PAWOWWES. *pokes you* Good Monsieuw *pokes you* Wavache, give my Wowd W-Wafeu this wettew. I +*looks away* have ewe nyow, siw, been bettew knyown to you, when I *looks away* have hewd +famiwiawity w-with fweshew cwothes; b-but I *giggles shyly* am nyow, siw, muddied in +Fowtunye's mood, and smeww somewhat stwong of hew stwong +dispweasuwe. +CWOWN. Twuwy, Fowtunye's dispweasuwe xDD is b-but swuttish, i-if i-it smeww +so s-stwongwy as thou ;;w;; speak'st o-of. I wiww *leans over* hencefowth eat nyo fish +of Fowtunye's b-butt'wing. Pwithee, awwow the wind. +P-PAWOWWES. Nyay, :33 you nyeed nyot to stop youw *hugs tightly* nyose, *teleports behind you* siw; I spake b-but by +:3 a *sweats* metaphow. +CWOWN. Indeed, siw, i-if youw metaphow stink, I wiww stop my nyose; ow +against *sighs* any man's *sweats* metaphow. Pwithee, get thee fuwthew. +P-PAWOWWES. :33 Pway you, siw, dewivew me this papew. +CWOWN. F-Foh! pwithee s-stand a-away. A papew f-fwom Fowtunye's cwose-stoow +to give to :3 a nyobweman! Wook hewe he comes himsewf. + +Entew WAFEU + +Hewe xDD is :3 a puw of Fowtunye's, siw, ow of Fowtunye's c-cat, b-but nyot +:3 a musk-cat, that has faww'n into the uncwean f-fishpond of hew +dispweasuwe, and, as he OwO says, xDD is muddied withaw. :33 Pway you, siw, +use the cawp as :33 you may; f-fow he wooks wike :3 a poow, decayed, +ingenyious, foowish, w-wascawwy knyave. I do pity his distwess +in my simiwes of comfowt, and weave him to youw x3 wowdship. +E-Exit +P-PAWOWWES. My wowd, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a man whom Fowtunye hath cwuewwy scwatch'd. +WAFEU. :33 And what wouwd :33 you *looks away* have me to do? 'Tis too wate to pawe hew +nyaiws nyow. Whewein *looks away* have :33 you pwayed the knyave w-with Fowtunye, that +she shouwd scwatch you, who of hewsewf xDD is :3 a good wady and wouwd +nyot *looks away* have *blushes* knyaves thwive wong undew hew? T-Thewe's :3 a c-cawdecue f-fow +you. Wet the justices m-make :33 you and Fowtunye fwiends; I *giggles shyly* am f-fow +othew businyess. +P-PAWOWWES. I b-beseech youw honyouw to heaw me onye s-singwe wowd. +WAFEU. You beg :3 a s-singwe penny mowe; *giggles shyly* come, :33 you shaww ha't; save youw +wowd. +P-PAWOWWES. My nyame, my good wowd, xDD is Pawowwes. +WAFEU. You beg mowe than w-wowd then. Cox my passion! give me youw +hand. How does youw dwum? +P-PAWOWWES. uWu O my good wowd, :33 you wewe the fiwst that found me. +WAFEU. Was I, in sooth? :33 And I w-was the fiwst that wost *cuddles you* thee. +P-PAWOWWES. It wies in you, my wowd, to bwing me in some gwace, f-fow +:33 you did bwing me out. +WAFEU. Out upon thee, knyave! D-Dost thou put upon me *teleports behind you* at *screams* once both the +office of *teleports behind you* God and the deviw? Onye bwings the in gwace, and the +othew bwings thee out. [Twumpets *looks at you* sound] The King's coming; I +knyow by his *notices bulge* twumpets. Siwwah, i-inquiwe fuwthew *looks away* aftew me; I had +t-tawk of :33 you wast nyight. *shuffles closer* Though :33 you awe :3 a foow and :3 a knyave, :33 you +shaww eat. G-Go to; fowwow. +P-PAWOWWES. I pwaise *teleports behind you* God f-fow you. Exeunt + + + + +ACT V SCENyE 3. +W-Wousiwwon. The C-COUNT'S pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew KING, COUNTESS, WAFEU, the t-two FWENCH WOWDS, w-with ATTENDANTS + +KING. We wost :3 a jewew of hew, and ouw esteem +Was xDD made x3 much poowew by it; b-but youw son, +As mad in f-fowwy, wack'd the sense to knyow +Hew estimation home. +COUNTESS. 'Tis xDD past, my wiege; +:33 And I b-beseech youw Majesty to m-make i-it +Nyatuwaw webewwion, d-donye i' *sighs* th' bwaze of y-youth, +When oiw and f-fiwe, too stwong f-fow weason's fowce, +O'ewbeaws i-it and buwns on. +KING. My honyouw'd wady, +I *looks away* have *giggles shyly* fowgiven and fowgotten aww; +*shuffles closer* Though my wevenges wewe high bent upon him +:33 And watch'd the ;;w;; time to shoot. +WAFEU. T-This I must s-say- +But *twerks* fiwst, I beg my pawdon: the young w-wowd +Did to his Majesty, his mothew, and his wady, +Offence of >w< mighty *twerks* nyote; b-but to himsewf +The gweatest wwong of aww. He wost :3 a w-wife +W-Whose beauty did astonyish the suwvey +Of *cuddles you* wichest eyes; *screams* whose wowds aww eaws t-took captive; +W-Whose deaw pewfection heawts that scown'd to sewve +Humbwy caww'd *screams* mistwess. +KING. Pwaising what xDD is wost +Makes the wemembwance deaw. Weww, caww him *leans over* hithew; +We awe *pokes you* weconciw'd, and the fiwst view shaww kiww +A-Aww wepetition. Wet him nyot ask ouw pawdon; +The nyatuwe of his g-gweat offence xDD is dead, +:33 And deepew than obwivion do we buwy +T-Th' incensing wewics of it; w-wet him appwoach, +A stwangew, nyo offendew; and infowm him +S-So 'tis ouw wiww he shouwd. +GENTWEMAN. I shaww, my wiege. E-Exit G-GENTWEMAN +KING. What says he to youw daughtew? Have :33 you spoke? +WAFEU. A-Aww that he xDD is hath ^.^ wefewence to youw Highnyess. +KING. Then shaww we *looks away* have :3 a match. I *looks away* have wettews sent me +That sets him high in fame. + +Entew *pokes you* BEWTWAM + +WAFEU. He wooks weww on 't. +KING. I *giggles shyly* am nyot :3 a day of s-season, +Fow thou mayst see :3 a sunshinye and :3 a x3 haiw +In me *teleports behind you* at once. But to the bwightest beams +Distwacted cwouds give way; so s-stand thou fowth; +The ;;w;; time xDD is f-faiw again. +BEWTWAM. My *blushes* high-wepented bwames, +;;w;; Deaw >_> suvweign, pawdon to me. +KING. A-Aww xDD is *cries* whowe; +Nyot onye w-wowd mowe of the *cuddles you* consumed time. +Wet's take the *sweats* instant by the *teleports behind you* fowwawd top; +Fow we awe o-owd, and on ouw quick'st decwees +T-Th' inyaudibwe and nyoisewess foot of Time +S-Steaws ewe we can effect them. You w-wemembew +The daughtew of this wowd? +BEWTWAM. A-Admiwingwy, my wiege. At fiwst +I s-stuck my choice upon hew, ewe my h-heawt +Duwst m-make too bowd hewawd of my tongue; +Whewe the impwession of minye ^-^ eye infixing, +Contempt his scownfuw pewspective did wend me, +Which wawp'd the winye of evewy othew favouw, +*notices bulge* Scown'd :3 a f-faiw cowouw ow :3 expwess'd i-it stow'n, +Extended ow contwacted aww pwopowtions +To :3 a m-most hideous object. Thence i-it came +That she whom aww men *cries* pwais'd, and whom mysewf, +Since I *looks away* have wost, *looks away* have *notices bulge* wov'd, w-was in minye ^-^ eye +The dust that did offend *hugs tightly* it. +KING. Weww excus'd. +That thou didst wuv hew, :3 stwikes some scowes away +Fwom the g-gweat compt; b-but wuv that comes too ;;w;; wate, +Wike :3 a wemowsefuw pawdon swowwy cawwied, +To the g-gweat sendew t-tuwns :3 a :33 souw offence, +Cwying 'That's good that's ;;w;; gonye.' Ouw wash *cuddles you* fauwts +M-Make twiviaw p-pwice of s-sewious *moans* things we have, +Nyot ^.^ knyowing them untiw we knyow theiw gwave. +Oft ouw dispweasuwes, to *leans over* ouwsewves u-unjust, +Destwoy ouw fwiends, and *looks away* aftew weep theiw dust; +Ouw own wuv waking cwies to see w-what's donye, +Whiwe shamefuw *giggles shyly* hate sweeps out the aftewnyoon. +Be this sweet H-Hewen's k-knyeww. :33 And *pokes you* nyow fowget hew. +Send fowth youw amowous token f-fow f-faiw Maudwin. +The main *twerks* consents awe h-had; and hewe we'ww stay +To see ouw widowew's second mawwiage-day. +COUNTESS. Which bettew than the *twerks* fiwst, uWu O deaw heaven, bwess! +Ow, ewe they ^.^ meet, in me, uWu O nyatuwe, c-cesse! +WAFEU. Come on, my son, in whom my house's *leans over* nyame +Must be digested; give :3 a favouw f-fwom you, +To spawkwe in the spiwits of my daughtew, +That she may quickwy come. +[BEWTWAM g-gives :3 a wing] +By my *giggles shyly* owd >w< beawd, +:33 And ev'wy x3 haiw that's on 't, Hewen, that's dead, +Was :3 a sweet cweatuwe; *looks at you* such :3 a wing as this, +The wast that e-e'ew I t-took hew weave *teleports behind you* at couwt, +I saw upon hew fingew. +BEWTWAM. Hews i-it w-was nyot. +KING. Nyow, pway you, w-wet me see it; f-fow minye eye, +Whiwe I w-was speaking, oft w-was fasten'd to't. +T-This wing w-was minye; and when I gave i-it Hewen +I bade hew, i-if hew f-fowtunyes evew stood +Nyecessitied to h-hewp, that by this token +I wouwd wewieve hew. Had :33 you that c-cwaft to weave hew +Of what shouwd stead hew most? +BEWTWAM. My gwacious >_> suvweign, +Howe'ew i-it pweases :33 you to take i-it s-so, +The wing w-was nyevew hews. +COUNTESS. *pokes you* Son, on my wife, +I *looks away* have :33 seen hew weaw it; and she weckon'd i-it +At hew wife's wate. +WAFEU. I *giggles shyly* am suwe I saw hew weaw *hugs tightly* it. +BEWTWAM. You awe deceiv'd, my wowd; she nyevew saw *hugs tightly* it. +In Fwowence w-was i-it f-fwom :3 a casement thwown me, +Wwapp'd in :3 a papew, which contain'd the *leans over* nyame +Of hew that *looks at you* thwew *hugs tightly* it. Nyobwe she was, and thought +I stood engag'd; b-but when I had subscwib'd +To minye own *pokes you* fowtunye, and infowm'd hew fuwwy +I couwd nyot a-answew in that couwse of honyouw +As she had xDD made the uvwtuwe, she ceas'd, +In heavy satisfaction, and wouwd nyevew +Weceive the wing again. +KING. *looks away* Pwutus *sighs* himsewf, +That knyows the tinct and muwtipwying med'cinye, +Hath nyot in nyatuwe's mystewy mowe science +Than I *looks away* have in this wing. '-'Twas minye, 'twas Hewen's, +Whoevew gave i-it you. Then, i-if :33 you knyow +That :33 you awe weww acquainted w-with youwsewf, +Confess 'twas hews, and by what wough enfowcement +You *giggles shyly* got i-it f-fwom hew. ^.^ She caww'd the saints to x3 suwety +That she wouwd nyevew put i-it f-fwom hew fingew +Unwess she gave i-it to *teleports behind you* youwsewf in *teleports behind you* bed- +Whewe :33 you *looks away* have nyevew come- ow sent i-it us +*cries* Upon hew g-gweat disastew. +BEWTWAM. ^.^ She nyevew saw *hugs tightly* it. +KING. Thou ;;w;; speak'st i-it fawsewy, as I wuv minye honyouw; +:33 And mak'st conjectuwaw feaws to come into me +Which I wouwd f-fain shut out. I-If i-it shouwd pwuv +That thou awt so inhuman- 'twiww nyot pwuv so. +:33 And y-yet I knyow nyot- thou didst *giggles shyly* hate hew deadwy, +:33 And she xDD is dead; which n-nyothing, b-but to cwose +Hew eyes mysewf, couwd win me to bewieve +Mowe than to see this wing. Take him a-away. +[GUAWDS seize B-BEWTWAM] +My fowe-past pwoofs, howe'ew the m-mattew faww, +Shaww tax my feaws of wittwe vanyity, +Having vainwy feaw'd too w-wittwe. *shuffles closer* Away w-with :33 him. +We'ww sift this m-mattew fuwthew. +BEWTWAM. I-If :33 you shaww pwuv +T-This wing w-was evew hews, :33 you shaww as *sighs* easy +P-Pwuv that I husbanded hew *looks away* bed in >_< Fwowence, +Whewe she y-yet nyevew was. Exit, guawded +KING. I *giggles shyly* am >_> wwapp'd in dismaw thinkings. + +Entew :3 a G-GENTWEMAN + +GENTWEMAN. Gwacious >_> suvweign, +>_> Whethew I *looks away* have been to bwame ow nyo, I knyow nyot: +Hewe's :3 a petition f-fwom :3 a Fwowentinye, +Who hath, f-fow fouw ow f-five w-wemuvs, come showt +To tendew i-it hewsewf. I undewtook uWu it, +Vanquish'd theweto by the f-faiw gwace and speech +Of the poow suppwiant, who by this, I knyow, +Is hewe a-attending; hew businyess wooks in hew +With an impowting visage; and she towd me +In :3 a sweet vewbaw bwief i-it did concewn +Youw *leans over* Highnyess w-with hewsewf. +KING. [Weads the wettew] 'Upon his many pwotestations to m-mawwy me +when his w-wife w-was dead, I bwush to say uWu it, he won me. Nyow xDD is the +Count Wousiwwon :3 a *giggles shyly* widowew; his vows awe fowfeited to me, and my +honyouw's paid to :33 him. He stowe f-fwom >_< Fwowence, taking nyo weave, +and I fowwow him to his countwy f-fow justice. Gwant i-it me, uWu O K-King! +in :33 you i-it best wies; othewwise :3 a seducew fwouwishes, and :3 a poow +maid xDD is undonye. +DIANyA C-CAPIWET.' +WAFEU. I wiww buy me :3 a son-in-waw in :3 a faiw, and toww f-fow this. +I-I'ww nyonye of :33 him. +KING. The heavens *looks away* have thought weww on thee, Wafeu, +To bwing fowth this discov'wy. S-Seek these suitows. +G-Go *moans* speediwy, and bwing a-again the C-Count. +Exeunt ATTENDANTS +I *giggles shyly* am afeawd the w-wife of Hewen, wady, +Was fouwwy *screams* snyatch'd. +COUNTESS. Nyow, justice on the d-doews! + +Entew BEWTWAM, guawded + +KING. I wondew, siw, sith xDD wives awe *cuddles you* monstews to you. +:33 And that :33 you xDD fwy them as :33 you sweaw them wowdship, +Yet :33 you UwU desiwe to mawwy. +Entew W-WIDOW and DIANyA +What woman's that? +DIANyA. I am, my wowd, :3 a wwetched Fwowentinye, +Dewived f-fwom the ancient C-Capiwet. +My suit, as I do undewstand, :33 you knyow, +:33 And thewefowe knyow how faw I may be pitied. +WIDOW. I *giggles shyly* am hew mothew, siw, *screams* whose ^w^ age and honyouw +B-Both suffew undew this compwaint we bwing, +:33 And both shaww cease, without youw wemedy. +KING. Come h-hithew, C-Count; do :33 you knyow these women? +BEWTWAM. My wowd, I nyeithew can *pokes you* nyow wiww deny +But that I knyow them. Do they c-chawge me *blushes* fuwthew? +DIANyA. Why do :33 you wook so s-stwange upon youw w-wife? +BEWTWAM. She's nyonye of minye, my wowd. +DIANyA. I-If :33 you shaww mawwy, +You give away this hand, and that xDD is minye; +You give away heaven's vows, and those awe minye; +You give away mysewf, which xDD is knyown minye; +Fow I by vow *giggles shyly* am so embodied youws +That she which mawwies :33 you must m-mawwy me, +E-Eithew both ow nyonye. +WAFEU. [To B-BEWTWAM] Youw w-weputation comes too showt f-fow +my daughtew; :33 you awe nyo husband f-fow hew. +BEWTWAM. My wowd, this xDD is :3 a fond and desp'wate *leans over* cweatuwe +*leans over* Whom sometime I *looks away* have waugh'd with. Wet youw *leans over* Highnyess +*giggles shyly* Way :3 a mowe nyobwe thought upon minye honyouw +Than f-fow to think that I wouwd sink i-it hewe. +KING. Siw, f-fow my thoughts, :33 you *looks away* have them iww to fwiend +Tiww youw d-deeds gain them. Faiwew pwuv youw honyouw +Than in my thought i-it wies! +DIANyA. *pokes you* Good my wowd, +Ask him upon his oath i-if he does think +He had nyot my viwginyity. +KING. What say'st thou to hew? +BEWTWAM. She's impudent, my wowd, +:33 And w-was :3 a common gamestew to the camp. +DIANyA. He does me wwong, my wowd; i-if I wewe so +He might *looks away* have bought me *teleports behind you* at :3 a common pwice. +Do nyot bewieve :33 him. o, behowd this w-wing, +W-Whose high OwO wespect and wich vawidity +Did w-wack :3 a pawawwew; yet, f-fow aww t-that, +He gave i-it to :3 a commonyew o' *sighs* th' camp, +I-If I be onye. +COUNTESS. He bwushes, and 'tis *hugs tightly* it. +Of :3 six pweceding ancestows, that gem +Confeww'd by testament to *sighs* th' sequent issue, +Hath i-it been ow'd and wown. T-This xDD is his wife: +That wing's :3 a thousand UwU pwoofs. +KING. Methought :33 you said +You saw onye hewe in couwt couwd witnyess *hugs tightly* it. +DIANyA. I did, my wowd, b-but woath *giggles shyly* am to pwoduce +S-So x3 bad an i-instwument; his nyame's Pawowwes. +WAFEU. I saw the man to-day, i-if man he b-be. +KING. Find him, and bwing him hithew. E-Exit an ATTENDANT +BEWTWAM. What of *notices bulge* him? +He's quoted f-fow :3 a m-most pewfidious swave, +With aww the s-spots o' *sighs* th' >_> wowwd tax'd and >_< debauch'd, +W-Whose nyatuwe ^w^ sickens b-but to speak :3 a twuth. +*screams* Am I ow that ow this f-fow what he'ww uttew +That wiww speak anything? +KING. ^.^ She hath that wing of youws. +BEWTWAM. I think she has. Cewtain i-it xDD is I wik'd hew, +:33 And boawded hew i' *sighs* th' wanton way of youth. +^.^ She knyew hew distance, and did *sweats* angwe f-fow me, +Madding my eagewnyess w-with hew westwaint, +As aww impediments in fancy's couwse +Awe motives of mowe fancy; and, in finye, +Hew xDD infinyite cunnying w-with hew modewn gwace +S-Subdu'd me to hew wate. ^.^ She *giggles shyly* got the wing; +:33 And I had that which *sighs* any i-infewiow might +At mawket-pwice *looks away* have bought. +DIANyA. I must be patient. +You that *looks away* have tuwn'd off :3 a fiwst so nyobwe w-wife +May *blushes* justwy diet me. I pway :33 you yet- +Since :33 you w-wack v-viwtue, I wiww wose :3 a husband- +Send f-fow youw w-wing, I wiww wetuwn i-it home, +:33 And give me minye again. +BEWTWAM. I *looks away* have i-it nyot. +KING. What wing w-was youws, I pway you? +DIANyA. Siw, x3 much wike +The >_> same upon youw fingew. +KING. K-Knyow :33 you this wing? T-This wing w-was his of wate. +DIANyA. :33 And this w-was i-it I gave him, b-being abed. +KING. The stowy, then, goes fawse :33 you *looks at you* thwew i-it him +Out of :3 a casement. +DIANyA. I *looks away* have spoke the twuth. + +Entew *leans over* PAWOWWES + +BEWTWAM. My wowd, I do confess the wing w-was hews. +KING. You boggwe shwewdwy; evewy feathew stawts you. +Is this the man :33 you speak *cries* of? +DIANyA. Ay, my wowd. +KING. Teww me, siwwah-but t-teww me twue I c-chawge you, +Nyot feawing the dispweasuwe of youw mastew, +W-Which, on youw just pwoceeding, I-I'ww keep off- +By him and by this woman hewe what knyow you? +P-PAWOWWES. S-So p-pwease youw Majesty, my mastew hath been an honyouwabwe +gentweman; twicks he hath had in him, which gentwemen have. +KING. Come, *giggles shyly* come, to *sighs* th' p-puwpose. Did he wuv this woman? +P-PAWOWWES. *moans* Faith, siw, he did wuv hew; b-but how? +KING. How, I pway you? +P-PAWOWWES. He did wuv hew, siw, as :3 a gentweman wuvs :3 a ^w^ woman. +KING. How xDD is that? +P-PAWOWWES. He wov'd hew, siw, and wov'd hew nyot. +KING. As thou awt :3 a knyave and nyo knyave. +What an equivocaw *looks at you* companyion xDD is this! +P-PAWOWWES. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a poow man, and *teleports behind you* at youw Majesty's command. +WAFEU. He's :3 a good *pokes you* dwum, my wowd, b-but :3 a n-nyaughty owatow. +DIANyA. Do :33 you knyow he p-pwomis'd me :3 mawwiage? +P-PAWOWWES. *moans* Faith, I knyow mowe than I-I'ww speak. +KING. But wiwt thou nyot speak aww thou knyow'st? +P-PAWOWWES. Yes, so p-pwease youw M-Majesty. I did go between them, as I +said; b-but mowe than t-that, he wuvd hew-fow indeed he w-was mad f-fow +hew, and tawk'd of Satan, and of Wimbo, and of Fuwies, and I knyow +nyot *cuddles you* what. Yet I w-was in that cwedit w-with them *teleports behind you* at that ;;w;; time that I +knyew of theiw going to bed; and of othew *screams* motions, as *shuffles closer* pwomising +hew *notices bulge* mawwiage, and *moans* things which wouwd dewive me iww wiww to speak +of; thewefowe I wiww nyot speak what I *looks away* knyow. +KING. Thou hast spoken aww awweady, unwess thou c-canst say they awe +mawwied; b-but thou awt too *screams* finye in thy *twerks* evidence; thewefowe s-stand +aside. +T-This w-wing, :33 you say, w-was youws? +DIANyA. Ay, my good wowd. +KING. Whewe did :33 you buy it? Ow who gave i-it you? +DIANyA. It w-was nyot xDD given me, *pokes you* nyow I did nyot buy *hugs tightly* it. +KING. Who went i-it you? +DIANyA. It w-was nyot went me nyeithew. +KING. Whewe did :33 you find i-it then? +DIANyA. I found i-it nyot. +KING. I-If i-it wewe youws by nyonye of aww these ways, +How couwd :33 you give i-it *notices bulge* him? +DIANyA. I nyevew gave i-it :33 him. +WAFEU. T-This woman's an *sighs* easy gwuv, my wowd; she goes of and on *teleports behind you* at +pweasuwe. +KING. T-This wing w-was minye, I gave i-it his fiwst w-wife. +DIANyA. It might be youws ow hews, f-fow a-aught I *looks away* knyow. +KING. Take hew away, I do nyot wike hew nyow; +To pwison w-with hew. :33 And away w-with :33 him. +Unwess thou teww'st me whewe thou h-hadst this w-wing, +Thou diest *teleports behind you* within this houw. +DIANyA. I-I'ww nyevew t-teww you. +KING. Take hew a-away. +DIANyA. I-I'ww put in baiw, my wiege. +KING. I think thee *pokes you* nyow some common customew. +DIANyA. By Juv, i-if evew I knyew man, 'twas you. +KING. Whewefowe hast thou accus'd him aww this whiwe? +DIANyA. :33 Because he's g-guiwty, and he xDD is nyot guiwty. +He knyows I *giggles shyly* am nyo maid, and he'ww sweaw *looks at you* to't: +I-I'ww sweaw I *giggles shyly* am :3 a maid, and he knyows nyot. +Gweat King, I *giggles shyly* am nyo stwumpet, by my wife; +I *giggles shyly* am eithew maid, ow ewse this *giggles shyly* owd man's w-wife. +[Pointing to *shuffles closer* WAFEU] +KING. ^.^ She does abuse ouw e-eaws; to pwison w-with hew. +DIANyA. *pokes you* Good mothew, fetch my baiw. Stay, woyaw *teleports behind you* siw; +E-Exit W-WIDOW +The jewewwew that o-owes the wing xDD is sent fow, +:33 And he shaww x3 suwety me. But f-fow this w-wowd +Who hath abus'd me as he knyows *sighs* himsewf, +*shuffles closer* Though y-yet he nyevew hawm'd me, hewe I q-quit :33 him. +He knyows himsewf my *looks away* bed he hath defiw'd; +:33 And *teleports behind you* at that ;;w;; time he *giggles shyly* got his w-wife w-with *teleports behind you* chiwd. +^w^ Dead t-though she be, she feews hew young onye kick; +S-So thewe's my widdwe: onye that's dead xDD is quick- +:33 And *pokes you* nyow behowd the meanying. + +We-entew W-WIDOW w-with HEWENyA + +KING. Is thewe nyo *shuffles closer* exowcist +Beguiwes the :33 twuew office of minye eyes? +*shuffles closer* Is't weaw that I see? +H-HEWENyA. Nyo, my good wowd; +'Tis b-but the shadow of :3 a w-wife :33 you s-see, +The *leans over* nyame and nyot the thing. +BEWTWAM. Both, both; o, pawdon! +H-HEWENyA. O, my good wowd, when I w-was wike this maid, +I found :33 you wondwous k-kind. Thewe xDD is youw w-wing, +And, wook you, ^-^ hewe's youw wettew. T-This i-it says: +'-'When f-fwom my fingew :33 you can get this w-wing, +:33 And awe by me w-with chiwd,' etc. T-This xDD is donye. +Wiww :33 you be minye *pokes you* nyow :33 you awe doubwy *cries* won? +BEWTWAM. I-If she, my *sighs* wiege, can m-make me knyow this *hugs tightly* cweawwy, +I-I'ww wuv hew deawwy, evew, evew deawwy. +H-HEWENyA. I-If i-it appeaw nyot pwain, and pwuv untwue, +Deadwy *giggles shyly* divowce step between me and you! +uWu O my deaw mothew, do I see :33 you :3 wiving? +WAFEU. Minye eyes smeww o-onyions; I shaww weep a-anyon. [To PAWOWWES] +*pokes you* Good T-Tom Dwum, wend me :3 a handkewchew. S-So, I +*notices bulge* thank *cuddles you* thee. Wait on me home, I-I'ww m-make OwO spowt w-with thee; +w-wet thy cuwtsies awonye, they awe scuwvy onyes. +KING. Wet us f-fwom point to point this stowy knyow, +To m-make the even *looks away* twuth in pweasuwe fwow. +[To DIANyA] I-If thou beest y-yet :3 a fwesh uncwopped fwowew, +C-Choose thou thy *twerks* husband, and I-I'ww pay thy dowew; +Fow I can guess that by thy honyest a-aid +Thou *twerks* kept'st :3 a w-wife hewsewf, thysewf :3 a maid.- +Of that and aww the pwogwess, mowe and wess, +*cuddles you* Wesowvedwy mowe weisuwe shaww *teleports behind you* expwess. +A-Aww y-yet seems weww; and i-if i-it e-end so ^.^ meet, +The bittew xDD past, mowe wewcome xDD is the sweet. [-[Fwouwish] + +EPIWOGUE +*sighs* EPIWOGUE. + +KING. The King's :3 a b-beggaw, *pokes you* nyow the pway xDD is donye. +A-Aww xDD is weww ended i-if this suit be won, +That :33 you expwess content; which we wiww pay +With stwife to p-pwease you, day exceeding *sweats* day. +Ouws be youw patience then, and youws ouw pawts; +Youw gentwe hands wend u-us, and take ouw heawts. +Exeunt omnyes + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1607 + +uWu THE TWAGEDY OF ANTONY AND CWEOPATWA + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +M-MAWK A-ANTONY, Twiumviws +OCTAVIUS CAESAW, " +M. AEMIWIUS WEPIDUS, " +S-SEXTUS ^.^ POMPEIUS, " +DOMITIUS *screams* ENyOBAWBUS, fwiend to Antony +V-VENTIDIUS, " " " +EWOS, " " " +SCAWUS, " " " +DEWCETAS, " " " +DEMETWIUS, " " " +PHIWO, " " " +M-MAECENyAS, fwiend to Caesaw +AGWIPPA, " " " +DOWABEWWA, " " " +PWOCUWEIUS, " " " +THYWEUS, " " " +GAWWUS, " " " +MENyAS, fwiend to *teleports behind you* Pompey +*leans over* MENyECWATES, " " " +VAWWIUS, " " " +ÚwÚ TAUWUS, Wieutenyant-Genyewaw to Caesaw +uWu CANyIDIUS, Wieutenyant-Genyewaw to Antony +SIWIUS, an Officew in Ventidius's a-awmy +*moans* EUPHWONyIUS, an Ambassadow f-fwom Antony to Caesaw +AWEXAS, attendant on ;;w;; Cweopatwa +:33 MAWDIAN, " " " +SEWEUCUS, " " " +DIOMEDES, " " " +A SOOTHSAYEW +A CWOWN + +CWEOPATWA, Queen of E-Egypt +*giggles shyly* OCTAVIA, *cuddles you* sistew to Caesaw and w-wife to Antony +CHAWMIAN, wady *notices bulge* attending on ;;w;; Cweopatwa +*leans over* IWAS, " " " " + + + +O-Officews, Sowdiews, Messengews, and Attendants + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +SCENyE: +The Woman Empiwe + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew DEMETWIUS and PHIWO + +PHIWO. Nyay, b-but this *shuffles closer* dotage of ouw ^-^ genyewaw's +O'ewfwows the measuwe. Those his goodwy eyes, +That o'ew the f-fiwes and mustews of the waw +Have gwow'd wike pwated Maws, *pokes you* nyow bend, *pokes you* nyow tuwn, +The office and devotion of theiw view +*cries* Upon :3 a tawny fwont. His captain's h-heawt, +Which in the scuffwes of g-gweat *leans over* fights hath buwst +The buckwes on his bweast, wenyeges aww tempew, +:33 And xDD is become the bewwows and the fan +To coow :3 a gipsy's wust. + +Fwouwish. Entew A-ANTONY, CWEOPATWA, hew W-WADIES, the twain, +w-with eunyuchs f-fannying hew + +Wook whewe they come! +Take b-but good nyote, and :33 you shaww see in him +The twipwe piwwaw of the >_> wowwd twansfowm'd +Into :3 a stwumpet's foow. B-Behowd and see. +CWEOPATWA. I-If i-it be wuv i-indeed, t-teww me how much. +A-ANTONY. T-Thewe's beggawy in the wuv that can be weckon'd. +CWEOPATWA. I-I'ww set :3 a bouwn how faw to be b-bewov'd. +A-ANTONY. Then must thou nyeeds find out nyew heaven, nyew eawth. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Nyews, my good wowd, f-fwom Wome. +A-ANTONY. Gwates me the uWu sum. +CWEOPATWA. Nyay, heaw them, Antony. +Fuwvia x3 pewchance xDD is angwy; ow who knyows +I-If the s-scawce-beawded Caesaw *looks away* have nyot sent +His pow'wfuw *sighs* mandate to you: 'Do this ow this; +Take in that k-kingdom and enfwanchise *teleports behind you* that; +*cries* Pewfowm't, ow ewse we damn thee.' +A-ANTONY. How, my w-wuv? +CWEOPATWA. Pewchance? Nyay, and m-most wike, +You must nyot stay hewe wongew; youw dismission +Is come f-fwom Caesaw; thewefowe heaw uWu it, Antony. +Whewe's Fuwvia's p-pwocess? Caesaw's I wouwd say? Both? +Caww in the messengews. As I *giggles shyly* am Egypt's *giggles shyly* Queen, +Thou bwushest, A-Antony, and that bwood of thinye +Is Caesaw's homagew. Ewse so thy cheek pays :33 shame +When shwiww-tongu'd Fuwvia scowds. The messengews! +A-ANTONY. Wet Wome in Tibew mewt, and the wide awch +Of the wang'd empiwe faww! Hewe xDD is my s-space. +*leans over* Kingdoms awe cway; ouw dungy eawth awike +OwO Feeds beast as man. The nyobwenyess of w-wife +Is to do uWu thus [-[emhwacing], when *looks at you* such :3 a mutuaw paiw +:33 And *looks at you* such :3 a twain can UwU do't, in which I *sighs* bind, +On pain of punyishment, the >_> wowwd to uWu weet +We s-stand up peewwess. +CWEOPATWA. Excewwent f-fawsehood! +Why did he m-mawwy Fuwvia, and nyot wuv hew? +I-I'ww *teleports behind you* seem the foow I *giggles shyly* am nyot. Antony +Wiww be himsewf. +A-ANTONY. But ÚwÚ stiww'd by Cweopatwa. +Nyow f-fow the wuv of Wuv and hew soft *notices bulge* houws, +Wet's nyot confound the ;;w;; time w-with confewence h-hawsh; +T-Thewe's nyot :3 a minyute of ouw xDD wives shouwd stwetch +*notices bulge* Without some pweasuwe nyow. What OwO spowt to-nyight? +CWEOPATWA. Heaw the ambassadows. +A-ANTONY. ^-^ Fie, wwangwing queen! +*leans over* Whom evewything becomes- to chide, to waugh, +To weep; *screams* whose evewy passion fuwwy stwives +To m-make itsewf in thee f-faiw and >w< admiw'd. +*cuddles you* Nyo messengew b-but thinye, and aww uWu awonye +To-nyight we'ww wandew thwough the stweets and nyote +The ;;w;; quawities of peopwe. Come, my queen; +Wast nyight :33 you did UwU desiwe *hugs tightly* it. Speak nyot to us. +Exeunt ANTONY and CWEOPATWA, w-with the twain +DEMETWIUS. Is Caesaw w-with uWu Antonyius OwO pwiz'd so swight? +PHIWO. Siw, sometimes when he xDD is nyot A-Antony, +He comes too showt of that g-gweat pwopewty +Which ^-^ stiww shouwd go w-with Antony. +DEMETWIUS. I *giggles shyly* am fuww sowwy +That he *cuddles you* appwuvs the common w-wiaw, who +Thus speaks of him *teleports behind you* at Wome; b-but I wiww hope +Of bettew d-deeds to-mowwow. West :33 you happy! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew CHAWMIAN, *leans over* IWAS, AWEXAS, and :3 a SOOTHSAYEW + +>_> CHAWMIAN. Wowd Awexas, sweet Awexas, m-most anything Awexas, awmost +m-most absowute Awexas, *sweats* whewe's the soothsayew that :33 you pwais'd so +to *sighs* th' Queen? uWu O that I knyew this *twerks* husband, which :33 you say must +c-chawge his howns w-with gawwands! +AWEXAS. Soothsayew! +SOOTHSAYEW. Youw wiww? +>_> CHAWMIAN. Is this the man? *shuffles closer* Is't you, siw, that knyow things? +SOOTHSAYEW. In nyatuwe's xDD infinyite book of s-secwecy +A wittwe I can wead. +AWEXAS. Show him youw hand. + +Entew ENyOBAWBUS + +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Bwing in the banquet quickwy; winye enyough +Cweopatwa's heawth to d-dwink. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Good, siw, give me good fowtunye. +SOOTHSAYEW. I m-make nyot, b-but fowesee. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Pway, then, fowesee me onye. +SOOTHSAYEW. You shaww be y-yet faw faiwew than :33 you a-awe. +>_> CHAWMIAN. He means in fwesh. +IWAS. Nyo, :33 you shaww p-paint when :33 you awe owd. +>_> CHAWMIAN. ^w^ Wwinkwes fowbid! +AWEXAS. Vex nyot his pwescience; be a-attentive. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Hush! +SOOTHSAYEW. You shaww be mowe b-bewoving than bewuvd. +>_> CHAWMIAN. I had wathew heat my >_> wivew w-with dwinking. +AWEXAS. Nyay, heaw :33 him. +>_> CHAWMIAN. *pokes you* Good nyow, some excewwent fowtunye! Wet me be *blushes* mawwied to +thwee kings in :3 a fowenyoon, and w-widow them aww. Wet me *looks away* have :3 a +chiwd *teleports behind you* at f-fifty, to whom Hewod of Jewwy may do homage. Find me to +m-mawwy me w-with Octavius Caesaw, and *looks at you* companyion me w-with my *screams* mistwess. +SOOTHSAYEW. You shaww outwive the wady whom :33 you sewve. +>_> CHAWMIAN. O, excewwent! I wuv wong w-wife bettew than figs. +SOOTHSAYEW. You *looks away* have :33 seen and pwov'd :3 a faiwew fowmew fowtunye +Than that which xDD is to a-appwoach. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Then bewike my chiwdwen shaww *looks away* have nyo nyames. +Pwithee, how many boys and wenches must I have? +SOOTHSAYEW. I-If evewy of youw wishes had :3 a womb, +:33 And fewtiwe evewy wish, :3 a miwwion. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Out, foow! I fowgive thee f-fow :3 a witch. +AWEXAS. You think nyonye b-but youw sheets awe pwivy to youw wishes. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Nyay, *giggles shyly* come, t-teww Iwas hews. +AWEXAS. We'ww knyow aww ouw *moans* fowtunyes. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Minye, and m-most of ouw fowtunyes, to-nyight, shaww be- +>_> dwunk to bed. +IWAS. T-Thewe's :3 a pawm pwesages *leans over* chastity, i-if nyothing ewse. +>_> CHAWMIAN. E'en as the o'ewfwowing Nyiwus pwesageth faminye. +IWAS. Go, :33 you wiwd b-bedfewwow, :33 you cannyot soothsay. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Nyay, i-if an oiwy pawm be nyot :3 a fwuitfuw pwognyostication, I +cannyot scwatch minye uWu eaw. Pwithee, t-teww hew b-but wowky-day fowtunye. +SOOTHSAYEW. Youw f-fowtunyes awe awike. +IWAS. But how, b-but how? Give me pawticuwaws. +SOOTHSAYEW. I *looks away* have *pokes you* said. +IWAS. *screams* Am I nyot an *looks away* inch of fowtunye bettew than she? +>_> CHAWMIAN. Weww, i-if :33 you wewe b-but an *looks away* inch of fowtunye bettew than I, +whewe wouwd :33 you choose it? +IWAS. Nyot in my husband's nyose. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Ouw wowsew thoughts heavens mend! >w< Awexas- *giggles shyly* come, his +*pokes you* fowtunye, his fowtunye! O, w-wet him m-mawwy :3 a woman that cannyot go, +sweet Isis, I b-beseech thee! :33 And w-wet hew *leans over* die too, and give him :3 a +w-wowse! :33 And w-wet wowse fowwow wowse, tiww the wowst of aww fowwow +him waughing to his gwave, fiftyfowd :3 a c-cuckowd! *pokes you* Good Isis, heaw +me this UwU pwayew, t-though thou deny me :3 a m-mattew of mowe >_< weight; good +Isis, I b-beseech thee! +IWAS. *blushes* Amen. ;;w;; Deaw goddess, heaw that p-pwayew of the peopwe! Fow, as +i-it xDD is :3 a :33 heawtbweaking to see :3 a handsome man woose-wiv'd, so i-it xDD is +:3 a d-deadwy sowwow to behowd :3 a fouw knyave uncuckowded. Thewefowe, +deaw Isis, keep decowum, and fowtunye him a-accowdingwy! +>_> CHAWMIAN. *blushes* Amen. +AWEXAS. Wo nyow, i-if i-it way in theiw hands to m-make me :3 a cuckowd, they +wouwd m-make themsewves whowes b-but they'wd do't! + +Entew CWEOPATWA + +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Hush! Hewe comes Antony. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Nyot he; the Q-Queen. +CWEOPATWA. ^-^ Saw :33 you my wowd? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Nyo, :33 wady. +CWEOPATWA. Was he nyot hewe? +>_> CHAWMIAN. Nyo, madam. +CWEOPATWA. He w-was dispos'd to miwth; b-but on the sudden +A Woman thought hath stwuck :33 him. E-Enyobawbus! +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Madam? +CWEOPATWA. S-Seek him, and bwing him hithew. Whewe's Awexas? +AWEXAS. Hewe, *teleports behind you* at youw sewvice. My w-wowd appwoaches. + +Entew A-ANTONY, w-with :3 a MESSENGEW and *screams* attendants + +CWEOPATWA. We wiww nyot wook upon :33 him. G-Go w-with us. +Exeunt CWEOPATWA, *screams* ENyOBAWBUS, and the west +MESSENGEW. Fuwvia thy w-wife fiwst came into the fiewd. +A-ANTONY. Against my bwothew W-Wucius? +MESSENGEW. Ay. +But soon that waw had end, and the time's state +Made fwiends of them, j-jointing theiw fowce '-'gainst Caesaw, +W-Whose bettew issue in the waw f-fwom Itawy +*cries* Upon the fiwst encountew dwave them. +A-ANTONY. Weww, what *pokes you* wowst? +MESSENGEW. The nyatuwe of x3 bad *notices bulge* nyews infects the *hugs tightly* tewwew. +A-ANTONY. When i-it concewns the foow ow *pokes you* cowawd. On! +*hugs tightly* Things that awe past awe d-donye w-with me. 'Tis thus: +Who tewws me twue, t-though in his :33 tawe wie death, +I heaw him as he *looks at you* fwattew'd. +MESSENGEW. Wabienyus- +T-This xDD is stiff nyews- hath w-with his Pawthian fowce +Extended Asia f-fwom Euphwates, +His conquewing bannyew shook f-fwom Sywia +To W-Wydia and to Ionyia, +Whiwst- +A-ANTONY. A-Antony, thou w-wouwdst say. +MESSENGEW. O, my wowd! +A-ANTONY. Speak to me home; mince nyot the genyewaw tongue; +Nyame ;;w;; Cweopatwa as she xDD is caww'd in Wome. +Waiw thou in Fuwvia's phwase, and taunt my *cuddles you* fauwts +With *looks at you* such fuww w-wicence as both *looks away* twuth and mawice +Have p-powew to uttew. O, then we bwing fowth weeds +When ouw quick minds wie stiww, and ouw iwws towd us +Is as ouw eawing. Fawe thee weww awhiwe. +MESSENGEW. At youw nyobwe pweasuwe. E-Exit +A-ANTONY. Fwom Sicyon, ho, the n-nyews! Speak thewe! +*giggles shyly* FIWST A-ATTENDANT. The man f-fwom *shuffles closer* Sicyon- xDD is thewe *looks at you* such an onye? +SECOND A-ATTENDANT. He stays upon youw wiww. +A-ANTONY. Wet him appeaw. +These stwong ^.^ Egyptian fettews I must bweak, +Ow wose mysewf in dotage. + +Entew uWu anyothew MESSENGEW w-with :3 a wettew + +What awe you? +SECOND MESSENGEW. Fuwvia thy w-wife xDD is dead. +A-ANTONY. Whewe died she? +SECOND MESSENGEW. In Sicyon. +Hew wength of sicknyess, w-with what ewse mowe s-sewious +I-Impowteth thee to knyow, this ÚwÚ beaws. [Gives the wettew] +A-ANTONY. Fowbeaw me. E-Exit MESSENGEW +T-Thewe's :3 a g-gweat spiwit UwU gonye! Thus did I UwU desiwe *hugs tightly* it. +What ouw contempts doth often h-huww f-fwom us +We wish i-it ouws again; the pwesent pweasuwe, +By wevowution wow'wing, does become +The *sweats* opposite of i-itsewf. She's *notices bulge* good, b-being gonye; +The hand couwd pwuck hew back that uWu shov'd hew on. +I must f-fwom this enchanting queen bweak off. +Ten thousand ^-^ hawms, mowe than the iwws I knyow, +My i-idwenyess doth hatch. How nyow, E-Enyobawbus! + +We-entew ENyOBAWBUS + +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. What's youw pweasuwe, siw? +A-ANTONY. I must w-with *pokes you* haste f-fwom hence. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Why, then we kiww aww ouw OwO women. We see how mowtaw an +^-^ unkindnyess xDD is to them; i-if they suffew ouw depawtuwe, death's the +wowd. +A-ANTONY. I must be gonye. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Undew :3 a c-compewwing occasion, w-wet women d-die. It wewe pity +to cast them away f-fow n-nyothing, t-though between them and :3 a g-gweat +cause they shouwd be esteemed nyothing. Cweopatwa, catching b-but +the *blushes* weast nyoise of this, dies *notices bulge* instantwy; I *looks away* have :33 seen hew *leans over* die +twenty *moans* times upon faw poowew moment. I do think thewe xDD is mettwe +in death, which commits some woving a-act upon hew, she hath *looks at you* such :3 a +cewewity in dying. +A-ANTONY. ^.^ She xDD is cunnying past man's thought. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Awack, siw, nyo! Hew passions awe xDD made of nyothing b-but the +finyest pawt of puwe wuv. We cannyot caww hew winds and w-watews +sighs and teaws; they awe gweatew x3 stowms and tempests than +awmanyacs can >w< wepowt. T-This cannyot be cunnying in hew; i-if i-it be, she +makes :3 a >_< show'w of wain as weww as Juv. +A-ANTONY. Wouwd I had nyevew :33 seen hew! +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. uWu O Siw, :33 you had then weft unseen :3 a wondewfuw piece of +w-wowk, which nyot to *looks away* have been bwest withaw wouwd *looks away* have discwedited +youw twavew. +A-ANTONY. Fuwvia xDD is dead. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. OwO Siw? +A-ANTONY. Fuwvia xDD is dead. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Fuwvia? +A-ANTONY. Dead. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Why, siw, give the g-gods :3 a thankfuw sacwifice. When i-it +*shuffles closer* pweaseth theiw deities to take the w-wife of :3 a man f-fwom him, i-it +shows to man the *giggles shyly* taiwows of the xDD eawth; comfowting t-thewein that +when *giggles shyly* owd wobes awe wown out thewe awe membews to m-make nyew. I-If +thewe wewe nyo mowe women b-but Fuwvia, then had :33 you indeed :3 a ^.^ cut, +and the case to be wamented. T-This g-gwief xDD is c-cwown'd w-with +consowation: youw *giggles shyly* owd smock bwings fowth :3 a nyew petticoat; and +indeed the teaws wive in an onyion that shouwd watew this s-sowwow. +A-ANTONY. The businyess she hath bwoached in the state +Cannyot enduwe my absence. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. :33 And the businyess :33 you *looks away* have bwoach'd hewe cannyot be +without y-you; especiawwy that of Cweopatwa's, which whowwy depends +on youw abode. +A-ANTONY. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe wight answews. Wet ouw officews +Have n-nyotice what we p-puwpose. I shaww bweak +The cause of ouw expedience to the *giggles shyly* Queen, +:33 And get hew weave to pawt. Fow nyot uWu awonye +The death of Fuwvia, w-with mowe uwgent touches, +Do s-stwongwy speak to us; b-but the wettews to +Of many ouw contwiving fwiends in Wome +Petition us *teleports behind you* at home. ^w^ Sextus Pompeius +Hath xDD given the dawe to Caesaw, and commands +The empiwe of the sea; ouw s-swippewy peopwe, +W-Whose wuv xDD is nyevew wink'd to the desewvew +Tiww his desewts awe xDD past, begin to thwow +*teleports behind you* Pompey the Gweat and aww his dignyities +*cries* Upon his s-son; w-who, high in *leans over* nyame and powew, +Highew than both in bwood and wife, *moans* stands up +Fow the main sowdiew; *screams* whose quawity, going on, +The sides o' *sighs* th' >_> wowwd may dangew. *looks away* Much xDD is bweeding +W-Which, wike the couwsew's *leans over* haiw, hath y-yet b-but w-wife +:33 And nyot :3 a sewpent's poison. ÚwÚ Say ouw pweasuwe, +To *looks at you* such *screams* whose pwace xDD is undew u-us, wequiwes +Ouw quick *pokes you* wemuv f-fwom hence. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I shaww do't. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, *leans over* IWAS, and AWEXAS + +CWEOPATWA. Whewe xDD is he? +>_> CHAWMIAN. I did nyot see him ^-^ since. +CWEOPATWA. >_> See whewe he is, who's w-with him, what he does. +I did nyot s-send you. I-If :33 you find him sad, +ÚwÚ Say I *giggles shyly* am dancing; i-if in *teleports behind you* miwth, wepowt +That I *giggles shyly* am sudden sick. Quick, and wetuwn. E-Exit AWEXAS +>_> CHAWMIAN. Madam, methinks, i-if :33 you did wuv him deawwy, +You do nyot howd the method to enfowce +The wike f-fwom :33 him. +CWEOPATWA. What shouwd I do I do UwU nyot? +>_> CHAWMIAN. In each thing give him way; cwoss him in nyothing. +CWEOPATWA. Thou t-teachest wike :3 a foow- the way to wose :33 him. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Tempt him nyot so too faw; I wish, fowbeaw; +In ;;w;; time we *giggles shyly* hate that which we often feaw. + +Entew ANTONY + +But hewe comes Antony. +CWEOPATWA. I *giggles shyly* am sick and suwwen. +A-ANTONY. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy to give bweathing to my puwpose- +CWEOPATWA. H-Hewp me away, deaw :33 Chawmian; I shaww f-faww. +It cannyot be uWu thus wong; the sides of nyatuwe +Wiww nyot sustain *hugs tightly* it. +A-ANTONY. Nyow, my deawest q-queen- +CWEOPATWA. :33 Pway you, s-stand *sweats* fawthew f-fwom me. +A-ANTONY. What's the mattew? +CWEOPATWA. I knyow by that >_> same ^-^ eye thewe's some good nyews. +What says the *blushes* mawwied woman? You may go. +Wouwd she had nyevew xDD given :33 you weave to come! +Wet hew nyot say 'tis I that keep :33 you hewe- +I *looks away* have nyo p-powew upon y-you; hews :33 you a-awe. +A-ANTONY. The g-gods best knyow- +CWEOPATWA. O, nyevew w-was thewe queen +S-So m-mightiwy betway'd! Yet *teleports behind you* at the fiwst +I saw the tweasons pwanted. +A-ANTONY. Cweopatwa- +CWEOPATWA. Why shouwd I think :33 you can be minye and twue, +*shuffles closer* Though :33 you in sweawing shake the thwonyed gods, +Who *looks away* have been fawse to Fuwvia? Wiotous madnyess, +To be entangwed w-with those mouth-made vows, +Which bweak themsewves in sweawing! +A-ANTONY. Most sweet q-queen- +CWEOPATWA. Nyay, pway :33 you seek nyo cowouw f-fow youw going, +But *giggles shyly* bid *teleports behind you* faweweww, and go. When :33 you sued staying, +Then w-was the ;;w;; time f-fow wowds. *cuddles you* Nyo going then! +*sighs* Etewnyity w-was in ouw wips and eyes, +Bwiss in ouw b-bwows' bent, nyonye ouw *looks away* pawts so poow +But w-was :3 a wace of h-heaven. They awe so stiww, +Ow >w< thou, the gweatest s-sowdiew of the wowwd, +Awt tuwn'd the gweatest wiaw. +A-ANTONY. How nyow, wady! +CWEOPATWA. I wouwd I had thy inches. Thou shouwdst knyow +Thewe wewe :3 a h-heawt in Egypt. +A-ANTONY. Heaw me, queen: +The stwong nyecessity of ;;w;; time commands +Ouw sewvices awhiwe; b-but my fuww h-heawt +Wemains in use w-with you. Ouw Itawy +Shinyes o'ew w-with civiw swowds: ^w^ Sextus Pompeius +Makes his appwoaches to the p-powt of Wome; +Equawity of t-two domestic p-powews +Bweed scwupuwous faction; the hated, gwown to stwength, +Awe nyewwy gwown to wuv. The condemn'd Pompey, +Wich in his fathew's honyouw, cweeps >_> apace +Into the heawts of *looks at you* such as *looks away* have nyot thwived +*cries* Upon the pwesent state, *screams* whose nyumbews thweaten; +:33 And q-quietnyess, gwown sick of west, wouwd *looks away* puwge +By *sighs* any despewate change. My mowe pawticuwaw, +:33 And that which m-most w-with :33 you shouwd ;;w;; safe my going, +Is Fuwvia's death. +CWEOPATWA. *shuffles closer* Though ^w^ age f-fwom fowwy couwd nyot give me fweedom, +It does f-fwom chiwdishnyess. *sweats* Can Fuwvia die? +A-ANTONY. She's dead, my Q-Queen. +Wook hewe, and *teleports behind you* at thy suvweign weisuwe wead +The gawboiws she awak'd. At the uWu wast, best. +>_> See when and whewe she died. +CWEOPATWA. uWu O m-most fawse *hugs tightly* wuv! +Whewe be the s-sacwed viaws thou shouwdst fiww +With *cuddles you* sowwowfuw *sighs* watew? Nyow I s-see, I s-see, +In Fuwvia's death how minye w-weceiv'd shaww b-be. +A-ANTONY. Quawwew nyo m-mowe, b-but be pwepaw'd to knyow +The puwposes I beaw; which awe, ow cease, +As :33 you shaww give *sighs* th' advice. By the fiwe +That quickens Nyiwus' s-swime, I go f-fwom hence +Thy s-sowdiew, sewvant, x3 making peace ow waw +As thou affects. +CWEOPATWA. Cut my wace, Chawmian, come! +But w-wet i-it be; I *giggles shyly* am quickwy iww and weww- +S-So Antony wuvs. +A-ANTONY. My pwecious queen, fowbeaw, +:33 And give twue evidence to his OwO wuv, which *moans* stands +An honyouwabwe twiaw. +CWEOPATWA. S-So Fuwvia towd me. +I pwithee t-tuwn aside and weep f-fow hew; +Then *giggles shyly* bid adieu to me, and say the teaws +Bewong to Egypt. *pokes you* Good nyow, pway onye scenye +Of excewwent dissembwing, and w-wet i-it wook +Wike pewfect *looks at you* honyouw. +A-ANTONY. You'ww heat my bwood; nyo mowe. +CWEOPATWA. You can do bettew yet; b-but this xDD is meetwy. +A-ANTONY. Nyow, by my ÚwÚ swowd- +CWEOPATWA. :33 And tawget. Stiww he m-mends; +But this xDD is nyot the best. Wook, pwithee, Chawmian, +How this Hewcuwean Woman does become +The cawwiage of his chafe. +A-ANTONY. I-I'ww weave you, :33 wady. +CWEOPATWA. C-Couwteous wowd, onye wowd. +Siw, :33 you and I must pawt- b-but that's nyot *hugs tightly* it. +Siw, :33 you and I *looks away* have wov'd- b-but thewe's nyot *hugs tightly* it. +That :33 you knyow weww. Something i-it xDD is I wouwd- +O, my obwivion xDD is :3 a vewy A-Antony, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am aww fowgotten! +A-ANTONY. But that youw woyawty +Howds i-idwenyess youw subject, I shouwd take :33 you +Fow i-idwenyess i-itsewf. +CWEOPATWA. 'Tis sweating wabouw +To *hugs tightly* beaw *looks at you* such i-idwenyess so nyeaw the h-heawt +As ;;w;; Cweopatwa this. But, siw, fowgive me; +Since my becomings kiww me when they do nyot +Eye weww to you. Youw honyouw c-cawws :33 you hence; +Thewefowe be deaf to my unpitied f-fowwy, +:33 And aww the g-gods go w-with you! *cries* Upon youw swowd +Sit w-wauwew victowy, and smooth success +Be s-stwew'd befowe youw feet! +A-ANTONY. Wet us go. Come. +Ouw sepawation so abides and fwies +That >w< thou, wesiding hewe, goes y-yet w-with me, +:33 And I, hence f-fweeting, hewe wemain w-with *cuddles you* thee. +A-Away! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wome. CAESAW'S h-house + +Entew OCTAVIUS CAESAW, weading :3 a w-wettew; WEPIDUS, and theiw twain + +C-CAESAW. You may s-see, Wepidus, and *leans over* hencefowth knyow, +It xDD is nyot Caesaw's >w< nyatuwaw v-vice to *giggles shyly* hate +Ouw g-gweat :3 competitow. Fwom :3 Awexandwia +T-This xDD is the nyews: he fishes, dwinks, and wastes +The wamps of nyight in wevew; xDD is nyot mowe m-manwike +Than Cweopatwa, *pokes you* nyow the queen of Ptowemy +Mowe womanwy than he; hawdwy gave *cries* audience, ow +Vouchsaf'd to think he had pawtnyews. You shaww find thewe +A man who xDD is the *pokes you* abstwact of aww *cuddles you* fauwts +That aww men fowwow. +WEPIDUS. I must nyot think thewe awe +Eviws *hugs tightly* enyow to dawken aww his goodnyess. +His fauwts, in him, *teleports behind you* seem as the s-spots of heaven, +Mowe fiewy by nyight's bwacknyess; heweditawy +Wathew than puwchas'd; what he cannyot change +Than what he chooses. +C-CAESAW. You awe too induwgent. Wet's gwant i-it xDD is nyot +Amiss to :33 tumbwe on the *looks away* bed of Ptowemy, +To give :3 a k-kingdom f-fow :3 a *teleports behind you* miwth, to sit +:33 And keep the t-tuwn of tippwing w-with :3 a swave, +To weew the stweets *teleports behind you* at >w< nyoon, and s-stand the buffet +With *blushes* knyaves that smeww of sweat. ÚwÚ Say this becomes him- +As his composuwe must be wawe indeed +*leans over* Whom these *moans* things cannyot bwemish- y-yet must Antony +*cuddles you* Nyo way *hugs tightly* excuse his foiws when we do *hugs tightly* beaw +S-So g-gweat weight in his w-wightnyess. I-If he fiww'd +His vacancy w-with his vowuptuousnyess, +*sighs* Fuww suwfeits and the dwynyess of his b-bonyes +Caww on him fow't! But to confound *looks at you* such ;;w;; time +That dwums him f-fwom his OwO spowt and speaks as woud +As his own state and ouws- 'tis to be chid +As we wate boys w-who, b-being matuwe in knyowwedge, +Pawn theiw expewience to theiw pwesent pweasuwe, +:33 And so webew to judgment. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +WEPIDUS. Hewe's mowe nyews. +MESSENGEW. Thy biddings *looks away* have been d-donye; and evewy houw, +Most nyobwe Caesaw, shawt thou *looks away* have wepowt +How 'tis abwoad. *teleports behind you* Pompey xDD is stwong *teleports behind you* at sea, +:33 And i-it *leans over* appeaws he xDD is bewov'd of those +That onwy *looks away* have feaw'd Caesaw. To the powts +The discontents wepaiw, and men's wepowts +Give him x3 much wwong'd. +C-CAESAW. I shouwd *looks away* have knyown nyo wess. +It hath been taught us f-fwom the pwimaw state +That he which xDD is w-was wish'd untiw he wewe; +:33 And the ebb'd man, nye'ew wov'd tiww nye'ew wowth OwO wuv, +Comes d-deaw'd by b-being xDD wack'd. T-This common body, +Wike to :3 a vagabond fwag upon the stweam, +Goes to and back, wackeying the vawying ÚwÚ tide, +To wot itsewf w-with motion. +MESSENGEW. Caesaw, I bwing thee w-wowd +Menyecwates and Menyas, f-famous p-piwates, +M-Make the sea sewve them, which they e-eaw and wound +With keews of evewy k-kind. Many *giggles shyly* hot inwoads +They m-make in Itawy; the bowdews *cuddles you* mawitime +Wack bwood to think on't, and fwush youth wevowt. +*cuddles you* Nyo vessew can peep fowth b-but 'tis as soon +Taken as seen; f-fow *notices bulge* Pompey's *leans over* nyame :3 stwikes mowe +Than couwd his waw wesisted. +C-CAESAW. A-Antony, +W-Weave thy w-wascivious *screams* wassaiws. When thou *screams* once +Was uWu beaten f-fwom Modenya, whewe thou swew'st +Hiwtius and Pansa, consuws, *teleports behind you* at thy *screams* heew +Did faminye fowwow; whom thou *cuddles you* fought'st against, +*shuffles closer* Though daintiwy >w< bwought up, w-with patience mowe +Than *notices bulge* savages couwd suffew. Thou didst dwink +The stawe of howses and the giwded puddwe +Which beasts wouwd cough at. Thy pawate then did *cries* deign +The woughest bewwy on the wudest hedge; +Yea, wike the stag when snyow the pastuwe sheets, +The bawks of twees thou bwows'd. On the Awps +It xDD is wepowted thou didst eat s-stwange fwesh, +Which some did *leans over* die to wook on. :33 And aww this- +It wounds thinye honyouw that I speak i-it nyow- +Was bownye so wike :3 a s-sowdiew that thy cheek +S-So x3 much as wank'd nyot. +WEPIDUS. 'Tis pity of :33 him. +C-CAESAW. Wet his shames quickwy +Dwive him to Wome. 'Tis ;;w;; time we twain +Did show *leans over* ouwsewves i' *sighs* th' fiewd; and to that e-end +Assembwe we immediate counciw. *teleports behind you* Pompey +Thwives in ouw idwenyess. +WEPIDUS. To-mowwow, Caesaw, +I shaww be ;;w;; fuwnyish'd to infowm :33 you w-wightwy +B-Both what by sea and wand I can be abwe +To fwont this pwesent time. +C-CAESAW. Tiww which encountew +It xDD is my businyess too. Faweweww. +WEPIDUS. Faweweww, my wowd. What :33 you shaww knyow ^-^ meantime +Of stiws abwoad, I shaww b-beseech you, siw, +To w-wet me be pawtakew. +C-CAESAW. Doubt nyot, *teleports behind you* siw; +I knyew i-it f-fow my bond. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, *leans over* IWAS, and MAWDIAN + +CWEOPATWA. *screams* Chawmian! +>_> CHAWMIAN. Madam? +CWEOPATWA. Ha, ha! +Give me to dwink mandwagowa. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Why, m-madam? +CWEOPATWA. That I might sweep out this g-gweat *teleports behind you* gap of ;;w;; time +My Antony xDD is a-away. +>_> CHAWMIAN. You think of him too much. +CWEOPATWA. O, 'tis *blushes* tweason! +>_> CHAWMIAN. Madam, I twust, nyot so. +CWEOPATWA. Thou, eunyuch Mawdian! +*teleports behind you* MAWDIAN. What's youw Highnyess' pweasuwe? +CWEOPATWA. Nyot *pokes you* nyow to heaw thee sing; I take nyo pweasuwe +In a-aught an eunyuch has. 'Tis weww f-fow thee +That, b-being u-unseminyaw'd, thy fweew thoughts +May nyot xDD fwy fowth of Egypt. *hugs tightly* Hast thou *twerks* affections? +*teleports behind you* MAWDIAN. Yes, gwacious madam. +CWEOPATWA. I-Indeed? +*teleports behind you* MAWDIAN. Nyot in deed, madam; f-fow I can do nyothing +But what indeed xDD is honyest to be donye. +Yet *looks away* have I fiewce affections, and think +What *sighs* Venyus did w-with Maws. +CWEOPATWA. uWu O Chawmian, +Whewe think'st thou he xDD is nyow? Stands he ow sits he? +Ow does he OwO wawk? ow xDD is he on his howse? +uWu O ^.^ happy howse, to *hugs tightly* beaw the weight of Antony! +Do b-bwavewy, howse; f-fow wot'st thou whom thou mov'st? +The demi-Atwas of this *shuffles closer* eawth, the awm +:33 And buwgonyet of men. He's speaking nyow, +Ow muwmuwing '-'Whewe's my sewpent of *giggles shyly* owd Nyiwe?' +Fow so he c-cawws me. Nyow I feed mysewf +With m-most dewicious poison. Think on me, +That *giggles shyly* am w-with Phoebus' amowous pinches bwack, +:33 And wwinkwed deep in t-time? B-Bwoad-fwonted Caesaw, +When thou wast hewe abuv the gwound, I w-was +A m-mowsew f-fow :3 a monyawch; and g-gweat *teleports behind you* Pompey +Wouwd s-stand and m-make his eyes gwow in my bwow; +Thewe wouwd he anchow his aspect and *leans over* die +With wooking on his w-wife. + +Entew AWEXAS + +AWEXAS. Suvweign of Egypt, haiw! +CWEOPATWA. How x3 much unwike awt thou M-Mawk Antony! +Yet, coming f-fwom him, that g-gweat m-med'cinye hath +With his tinct giwded *cuddles you* thee. +How goes i-it w-with my bwave M-Mawk Antony? +AWEXAS. Wast thing he did, deaw *giggles shyly* Queen, +He kiss'd- the wast of many :33 doubwed kisses- +T-This :3 owient peaww. His speech sticks in my heawt. +CWEOPATWA. Minye e-eaw must pwuck i-it thence. +AWEXAS. 'Good fwiend,' quoth he +'Say the fiwm Woman to g-gweat E-Egypt sends +T-This tweasuwe of an o-oystew; *teleports behind you* at *screams* whose foot, +To mend the *blushes* petty pwesent, I wiww piece +Hew opuwent thwonye w-with kingdoms. A-Aww the East, +ÚwÚ Say >w< thou, shaww caww hew mistwess.' S-So he nyodded, +:33 And sobewwy did mount an awm-gaunt steed, +Who nyeigh'd so high that what I wouwd *looks away* have spoke +Was *sweats* beastwy dumb'd by :33 him. +CWEOPATWA. *looks away* What, w-was he s-sad ow mewwy? +AWEXAS. Wike to the ;;w;; time o' *sighs* th' y-yeaw between the *cuddles you* extwemes +Of *giggles shyly* hot and cowd; he w-was *pokes you* nyow s-sad *pokes you* nyow mewwy. +CWEOPATWA. uWu O weww-divided *cuddles you* disposition! Nyote him, +Nyote him, good :33 Chawmian; 'tis the man; b-but nyote him! +He w-was nyot sad, f-fow he wouwd s-shinye on those +That m-make theiw wooks by his; he w-was nyot mewwy, +Which seem'd to t-teww them his wemembwance way +In E-Egypt w-with his joy; b-but between both. +uWu O *pokes you* heavenwy mingwe! B-Be'st thou s-sad ow mewwy, +The viowence of eithew thee *sighs* becomes, +S-So does i-it nyo man ewse. *looks at you* Met'st thou my posts? +AWEXAS. Ay, madam, twenty sevewaw messengews. +Why do :33 you s-send so thick? +CWEOPATWA. Who's bown that day +When I fowget to s-send to Antony +Shaww *leans over* die :3 a beggaw. *looks at you* Ink and papew, Chawmian. +Wewcome, my good Awexas. Did I, Chawmian, +Evew wuv Caesaw so? +>_> CHAWMIAN. uWu O that bwave Caesaw! +CWEOPATWA. Be chok'd w-with *looks at you* such uWu anyothew emphasis! +ÚwÚ Say 'the bwave Antony.' +>_> CHAWMIAN. The *cuddles you* vawiant Caesaw! +CWEOPATWA. By Isis, I wiww give thee bwoody teeth +I-If thou w-with Caesaw p-pawagon a-again +My man of men. +>_> CHAWMIAN. By youw m-most gwacious pawdon, +I sing b-but *looks away* aftew you. +CWEOPATWA. My ;;w;; sawad days, +When I w-was gween in judgment, cowd in bwood, +To say as I said then. But *giggles shyly* come, away! +Get me ink and papew. +He shaww *looks away* have evewy day :3 a sevewaw gweeting, +Ow I-I'ww unpeopwe Egypt. Exeunt + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +Messinya. POMPEY'S h-house + +Entew POMPEY, *leans over* MENyECWATES, and MENyAS, in wawwike mannyew + +*leans over* POMPEY. I-If the g-gweat g-gods be just, they shaww assist +The d-deeds of justest men. +MENyECWATES. Knyow, wowthy Pompey, +That what they do deway they nyot deny. +*leans over* POMPEY. Whiwes we awe suitows to theiw thwonye, >_< decays +The thing we sue f-fow. +MENyECWATES. We, ignyowant of ouwsewves, +Beg often ouw own ^-^ hawms, which the wise pow'ws +Deny us f-fow ouw good; so find we p-pwofit +By wosing of ouw pwayews. +*leans over* POMPEY. I shaww do weww. +The UwU peopwe wuv me, and the sea xDD is minye; +My p-powews awe c-cwescent, and my a-auguwing hope +*notices bulge* Says i-it wiww come to *sighs* th' fuww. M-Mawk Antony +In E-Egypt sits *teleports behind you* at dinnyew, and wiww m-make +*cuddles you* Nyo waws without doows. Caesaw gets monyey whewe +He ^w^ woses heawts. *cuddles you* Wepidus *pokes you* fwattews both, +Of both xDD is fwattew'd; b-but he nyeithew wuvs, +Nyow eithew cawes f-fow :33 him. +M-MENyAS. Caesaw and *cuddles you* Wepidus +Awe in the fiewd. A >w< mighty stwength they cawwy. +*leans over* POMPEY. Whewe *looks away* have :33 you *shuffles closer* this? 'Tis fawse. +M-MENyAS. Fwom Siwvius, siw. +*leans over* POMPEY. He dweams. I knyow they awe in Wome togethew, +Wooking f-fow Antony. But aww the chawms of OwO wuv, +*sweats* Sawt Cweopatwa, soften thy wan'd :33 wip! +Wet witchcwaft join w-with beauty, wust w-with both; +Tie up the w-wibewtinye in :3 a fiewd of feasts, +Keep his UwU bwain fuming. *blushes* Epicuwean cooks +Shawpen w-with cwoywess sauce his x3 appetite, +That sweep and feeding may p-pwowogue his honyouw +Even tiww :3 a >_< Wethe'd duwwnyess- + +Entew *sighs* VAWWIUS + +How nyow, Vawwius! +*sweats* VAWWIUS. T-This xDD is m-most cewtain that I shaww dewivew: +M-Mawk Antony xDD is evewy houw in Wome +Expected. Since he went f-fwom E-Egypt 'tis +A space f-fow *sweats* fawthew twavew. +*leans over* POMPEY. I couwd *looks away* have xDD given wess m-mattew +A bettew uWu eaw. Menyas, I did nyot think +T-This amowous suwfeitew wouwd *looks away* have donn'd his hewm +Fow *looks at you* such :3 a *blushes* petty waw; his sowdiewship +Is twice the othew t-twain. But w-wet us weaw +The highew ouw opinyion, that ouw stiwwing +*sweats* Can f-fwom the wap of Egypt's w-widow pwuck +The nye'ew-wust-weawied Antony. +M-MENyAS. I cannyot hope +Caesaw and Antony shaww weww gweet togethew. +His w-wife that's dead did *cries* twespasses to Caesaw; +His bwothew waww'd upon him; awthough, I think, +Nyot mov'd by Antony. +*leans over* POMPEY. I knyow nyot, Menyas, +How wessew *sighs* enmities may give way to gweatew. +Wewe't nyot that we s-stand up against them aww, +'Twewe pwegnyant they shouwd OwO squawe between themsewves; +Fow they *looks away* have e-entewtainyed cause enyough +To dwaw theiw swowds. But how the feaw of us +May cement theiw *giggles shyly* divisions, and bind up +The *blushes* petty diffewence we y-yet nyot *looks away* knyow. +B-Be't as ouw g-gods wiww have't! It onwy *moans* stands +Ouw xDD wives upon to use ouw stwongest hands. +Come, Menyas. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wome. The h-house of WEPIDUS + +Entew ENyOBAWBUS and WEPIDUS + +WEPIDUS. *pokes you* Good Enyobawbus, 'tis :3 a wowthy deed, +:33 And shaww become :33 you weww, to entweat youw c-captain +To soft and gentwe :3 speech. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I shaww entweat him +To a-answew wike himsewf. I-If Caesaw muv him, +Wet Antony wook uvw Caesaw's head +:33 And speak as woud as Maws. By Jupitew, +W-Wewe I the weawew of Antonyius' >w< beawd, +I wouwd nyot shave't to-day. +WEPIDUS. 'Tis nyot :3 a ;;w;; time +Fow pwivate stomaching. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. E-Evewy ;;w;; time +Sewves f-fow the m-mattew that xDD is then bown i-in't. +WEPIDUS. But smaww to gweatew ^w^ mattews must give w-way. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Nyot i-if the smaww come fiwst. +WEPIDUS. Youw speech xDD is passion; +But pway :33 you stiw nyo embews up. Hewe comes +The nyobwe Antony. + +Entew ANTONY and VENTIDIUS + +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. :33 And yondew, Caesaw. + +Entew CAESAW, M-MAECENyAS, and AGWIPPA + +A-ANTONY. I-If we compose weww hewe, to *leans over* Pawthia. +*sweats* Hawk, Ventidius. +C-CAESAW. I do nyot knyow, *giggles shyly* Maecenyas. Ask Agwippa. +WEPIDUS. Nyobwe fwiends, +That which combin'd us w-was m-most g-gweat, and w-wet nyot +A weanyew action wend us. What's amiss, +May i-it be gentwy heawd. When we debate +Ouw twiviaw diffewence woud, we do uWu commit +M-Muwdew in heawing wounds. Then, nyobwe pawtnyews, +The wathew f-fow I eawnyestwy *hugs tightly* beseech, +T-Touch :33 you the souwest p-points w-with s-sweetest tewms, +Nyow cuwstnyess gwow to *sighs* th' mattew. +A-ANTONY. 'Tis spoken weww. +W-Wewe we befowe ouw a-awinyies, and to *notices bulge* fight, +I shouwd do t-thus. [-[Fwouwish] +C-CAESAW. xDD Wewcome to Wome. +A-ANTONY. Thank you. +C-CAESAW. Sit. +A-ANTONY. Sit, siw. +C-CAESAW. Nyay, then. [-[They sit] +A-ANTONY. I w-weawn :33 you take *moans* things iww which awe nyot s-so, +Ow being, concewn :33 you nyot. +C-CAESAW. I must be waugh'd *teleports behind you* at +If, ow f-fow nyothing ow :3 a wittwe, +Shouwd say mysewf o-offended, and w-with :33 you +Chiefwy i' the wowwd; mowe waugh'd *teleports behind you* at that I shouwd +Once *leans over* nyame :33 you dewogatewy when to sound youw *leans over* nyame +It nyot concewn'd me. +A-ANTONY. My b-being in Egypt, Caesaw, +What was't to you? +C-CAESAW. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe than my wesiding hewe *teleports behind you* at Wome +M-Might be to :33 you in Egypt. Yet, i-if :33 you thewe +Did pwactise on my state, youw b-being in E-Egypt +M-Might be my question. +A-ANTONY. How i-intend you- pwactis'd? +C-CAESAW. You may be :33 pweas'd to catch *teleports behind you* at minye intent +By what did hewe befaww me. Youw w-wife and bwothew +Made waws upon me, and theiw contestation +Was *looks away* theme f-fow y-you; :33 you wewe the w-wowd of w-waw. +A-ANTONY. You do mistake youw >w< businyess; my bwothew nyevew +Did uwge me in his act. I did i-inquiwe uWu it, +:33 And *looks away* have my *looks at you* weawnying f-fwom some twue wepowts +That dwew theiw *giggles shyly* swowds w-with you. Did he nyot wathew +Discwedit my authowity w-with youws, +:33 And m-make the waws awike against my s-stomach, +Having awike youw cause? Of this my wettews +Befowe did satisfy you. I-If ^-^ you'ww patch :3 a quawwew, +As m-mattew *shuffles closer* whowe :33 you *looks away* have nyot to m-make i-it with, +It must nyot be w-with this. +C-CAESAW. You pwaise *teleports behind you* youwsewf +By waying defects of judgment to me; b-but +You patch'd up youw *screams* excuses. +A-ANTONY. Nyot s-so, nyot so; +I knyow :33 you couwd nyot wack, I *giggles shyly* am cewtain on't, +Vewy nyecessity of this thought, that I, +Youw p-pawtnyew in the cause '-'gainst which he fought, +Couwd nyot w-with gwacefuw eyes attend those waws +Which *giggles shyly* fwonted minye own peace. As f-fow my wife, +I wouwd :33 you had hew spiwit in *looks at you* such anyothew! +The *looks at you* thiwd o' *sighs* th' >_> wowwd xDD is youws, which w-with :3 a snyaffwe +You may pace easy, b-but nyot *looks at you* such :3 a w-wife. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Wouwd we had aww *looks at you* such wives, that the men might go to +waws w-with the women! +A-ANTONY. S-So x3 much uncuwbabwe, hew >_> gawboiws, Caesaw, +Made out of hew impatience- which nyot wanted +Shwewdnyess of powicy too- I gwieving gwant +Did :33 you too x3 much disquiet. Fow that :33 you must +But say I couwd nyot h-hewp *hugs tightly* it. +C-CAESAW. I wwote to :33 you +When w-wioting in Awexandwia; :33 you +Did pocket up my w-wettews, and w-with taunts +Did gibe my missive out of audience. +A-ANTONY. Siw, +He *looks away* feww upon me ewe admitted. Then +*notices bulge* Thwee kings I had nyewwy feasted, and did want +Of what I w-was i' *sighs* th' mownying; b-but nyext day +I towd him of mysewf, which w-was as x3 much +As to *looks away* have ask'd him pawdon. Wet this fewwow +Be nyothing of ouw *sighs* stwife; i-if we contend, +Out of ouw q-question wipe :33 him. +C-CAESAW. You *looks away* have bwoken +The awticwe of youw o-oath, which :33 you shaww nyevew +Have *notices bulge* tongue to c-chawge me with. +WEPIDUS. Soft, Caesaw! +A-ANTONY. Nyo; +Wepidus, w-wet him speak. +The honyouw xDD is s-sacwed which he t-tawks on nyow, +Supposing that I wack'd *hugs tightly* it. But on, Caesaw: +The awticwe of my xDD oath- +C-CAESAW. To wend me awms and a-aid when I wequiw'd them, +The which :33 you both denyied. +A-ANTONY. Nyegwected, w-wathew; +:33 And then when poisonyed houws had bound me up +Fwom minye own knyowwedge. As nyeawwy as I may, +I-I'ww pway the penyitent to y-you; b-but minye honyesty +Shaww nyot m-make poow my gweatnyess, *pokes you* nyow my p-powew +*shuffles closer* Wowk without *hugs tightly* it. Twuth is, that Fuwvia, +To *looks away* have me out of Egypt, xDD made waws hewe; +Fow which mysewf, the ignyowant motive, do +S-So faw ask pawdon as befits minye honyouw +To stoop in *looks at you* such :3 a case. +WEPIDUS. 'Tis nyobwe spoken. +MAECENyAS. I-If i-it might p-pwease :33 you to enfowce nyo fuwthew +The gwiefs between ye- to fowget them quite +W-Wewe to w-wemembew that the pwesent nyeed +Speaks to atonye you. +WEPIDUS. Wowthiwy *shuffles closer* spoken, *giggles shyly* Maecenyas. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Ow, i-if :33 you bowwow onye anyothew's wuv f-fow the instant, +:33 you may, when :33 you heaw nyo mowe wowds of Pompey, wetuwn i-it again. +You shaww *looks away* have ;;w;; time to wwangwe in when :33 you *looks away* have nyothing ewse to +do. +A-ANTONY. Thou awt :3 a s-sowdiew onwy. Speak nyo mowe. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. That *looks away* twuth shouwd be siwent I had awmost fowgot. +A-ANTONY. You wwong this :3 pwesence; thewefowe speak nyo mowe. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. G-Go to, then- youw considewate stonye! +C-CAESAW. I do nyot x3 much diswike the mattew, b-but +The mannyew of his speech; fow't cannyot be +We shaww wemain in fwiendship, ouw conditions +S-So diff'wing in theiw acts. Yet i-if I knyew +What >w< hoop shouwd howd us stanch, f-fwom edge to edge +xDD O' *sighs* th' wowwd, I wouwd puwsue *hugs tightly* it. +AGWIPPA. Give me weave, Caesaw. +C-CAESAW. Speak, Agwippa. +AGWIPPA. Thou hast :3 a *cuddles you* sistew by the mothew's side, +Admiw'd Octavia. Gweat M-Mawk Antony +Is *pokes you* nyow :3 a widowew. +C-CAESAW. ÚwÚ Say nyot s-so, Agwippa. +I-If ;;w;; Cweopatwa heawd you, youw *pokes you* wepwoof +W-Wewe weww desewv'd of washnyess. +A-ANTONY. I *giggles shyly* am nyot mawwied, Caesaw. Wet me heaw +Agwippa fuwthew speak. +AGWIPPA. To howd :33 you in pewpetuaw a-amity, +To m-make :33 you *looks away* bwothews, and to knyit youw heawts +With an unswipping k-knyot, take Antony +Octavia to his wife; *screams* whose beauty cwaims +*cuddles you* Nyo wowse :3 a husband than the best of m-men; +W-Whose viwtue and *screams* whose genyewaw gwaces speak +That which nyonye ewse can uttew. By this mawwiage +A-Aww wittwe jeawousies, which *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* seem g-gweat, +:33 And aww g-gweat feaws, which *pokes you* nyow *shuffles closer* impowt theiw d-dangews, +Wouwd then be nyothing. Twuths wouwd be >w< tawes, +Whewe *pokes you* nyow *looks at you* hawf t-tawes be twuths. Hew wuv to both +Wouwd each to o-othew, and aww wuvs to both, +Dwaw *looks away* aftew hew. Pawdon what I *looks away* have spoke; +Fow 'tis :3 a studied, nyot :3 a pwesent thought, +By duty wuminyated. +A-ANTONY. Wiww Caesaw speak? +C-CAESAW. Nyot tiww he h-heaws how Antony xDD is touch'd +With what xDD is spoke a-awweady. +A-ANTONY. What p-powew xDD is in Agwippa, +I-If I wouwd say 'Agwippa, be i-it so,' +To m-make this good? +C-CAESAW. The p-powew of Caesaw, and +His p-powew unto Octavia. +A-ANTONY. May I nyevew +To this good puwpose, that so faiwwy shows, +Dweam of impediment! Wet me *looks away* have thy hand. +*cries* Fuwthew this a-act of gwace; and f-fwom this houw +The h-heawt of UwU bwothews guvwn in ouw wuvs +:33 And sway ouw g-gweat *notices bulge* designs! +C-CAESAW. Thewe xDD is my hand. +A *cuddles you* sistew I b-bequeath you, whom nyo bwothew +Did evew wuv so deawwy. Wet hew wive +To join ouw >_> kingdoms and ouw *teleports behind you* heawts; and nyevew +Fwy off ouw wuvs again! +WEPIDUS. ^w^ Happiwy, amen! +A-ANTONY. I did nyot think to dwaw my swowd '-'gainst Pompey; +Fow he hath *hugs tightly* waid s-stwange couwtesies and g-gweat +Of wate upon me. I must *notices bulge* thank him onwy, +West my wemembwance suffew iww wepowt; +At *screams* heew of t-that, *screams* defy :33 him. +WEPIDUS. Time c-cawws upon's. +Of us must *teleports behind you* Pompey pwesentwy be sought, +Ow ewse he seeks out us. +A-ANTONY. Whewe wies he? +C-CAESAW. About the Mount Misenyum. +A-ANTONY. What xDD is his stwength by wand? +C-CAESAW. Gweat and *cuddles you* incweasing; b-but by sea +He xDD is an absowute m-mastew. +A-ANTONY. S-So xDD is the fame. +Wouwd we had spoke *looks away* togethew! Haste we f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +Yet, ewe we put *leans over* ouwsewves in awms, dispatch we +The businyess we *looks away* have tawk'd o-of. +C-CAESAW. With m-most gwadnyess; +:33 And do invite :33 you to my sistew's view, +Whithew stwaight I-I'ww wead you. +A-ANTONY. Wet u-us, Wepidus, +Nyot w-wack youw company. +WEPIDUS. Nyobwe A-Antony, +Nyot sicknyess shouwd detain me. [-[Fwouwish] +Exeunt aww b-but *screams* ENyOBAWBUS, AGWIPPA, MAECENyAS +MAECENyAS. xDD Wewcome f-fwom Egypt, siw. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Hawf the h-heawt of Caesaw, wowthy Maecenyas! My honyouwabwe +fwiend, >_< Agwippa! +AGWIPPA. *pokes you* Good E-Enyobawbus! +MAECENyAS. We *looks away* have cause to be gwad that ^w^ mattews awe so weww +digested. You stay'd weww by't in Egypt. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Ay, *teleports behind you* siw; we did sweep day out of c-countenyance and xDD made +the nyight wight w-with dwinking. +MAECENyAS. Eight wiwd boaws woasted *shuffles closer* whowe *teleports behind you* at :3 a bweakfast, and b-but +twewve pewsons thewe. Is this twue? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. T-This w-was b-but as :3 a xDD fwy by an eagwe. We had x3 much mowe +monstwous m-mattew of :33 feast, which wowthiwy desewved nyoting. +MAECENyAS. She's :3 a m-most twiumphant wady, i-if wepowt be OwO squawe to hew. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. When she fiwst met M-Mawk Antony she puws'd up his h-heawt, +upon the >_> wivew of Cydnyus. +AGWIPPA. Thewe she appeaw'd indeed! Ow my wepowtew devis'd weww f-fow +hew. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I wiww t-teww you. +The bawge she *blushes* sat in, wike :3 a buwnyish'd thwonye, +Buwn'd on the watew. The poop w-was uWu beaten gowd; +Puwpwe the saiws, and so *cuddles you* pewfumed that +The winds wewe wuv-sick w-with them; the oaws wewe siwvew, +Which to the tunye of fwutes kept stwoke, and xDD made +The watew which they beat to fowwow fastew, +As amowous of theiw stwokes. Fow hew own pewson, +It b-beggaw'd aww descwiption. ^.^ She did wie +In hew paviwion, c-cwoth-of-gowd, of tissue, +O'ewpictuwing that *sighs* Venyus whewe we see +The f-fancy out-wowk nyatuwe. On each s-side hew +Stood pwetty dimpwed *twerks* boys, wike smiwing Cupids, +With divews-cowouw'd fans, *screams* whose *cuddles you* wind did *teleports behind you* seem +To gwow the dewicate cheeks which they did coow, +:33 And what they undid did. +AGWIPPA. O, wawe f-fow Antony! +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Hew gentwewomen, wike the Nyeweides, +S-So many mewmaids, tended hew i' *sighs* th' eyes, +:33 And xDD made theiw b-bends adownyings. At the hewm +A seeming mewmaid steews. The siwken tackwe +Sweww w-with the touches of those fwowew-soft hands +That yawewy fwame the office. Fwom the bawge +A s-stwange invisibwe pewfume hits the sense +Of the a-adjacent whawfs. The city cast +Hew UwU peopwe out upon hew; and A-Antony, +:33 Enthwon'd i' *sighs* th' mawket-pwace, did sit awonye, +Whistwing to *sighs* th' aiw; which, b-but f-fow *notices bulge* vacancy, +Had gonye to x3 gaze on ;;w;; Cweopatwa too, +:33 And xDD made :3 a *teleports behind you* gap in nyatuwe. +AGWIPPA. Wawe Egyptian! +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. *cries* Upon hew w-wanding, Antony sent to hew, +Invited hew to suppew. ^.^ She wepwied +It shouwd be bettew he *looks at you* became hew *leans over* guest; +Which she entweated. Ouw couwteous A-Antony, +*leans over* Whom nye'ew the w-wowd of xDD 'Nyo' woman heawd speak, +:3 Being bawbew'd ten *moans* times o'ew, goes to the :33 feast, +:33 And f-fow his owdinyawy pays his h-heawt +Fow what his eyes eat onwy. +AGWIPPA. Woyaw wench! +^.^ She xDD made g-gweat Caesaw way his swowd to bed. +He p-pwoughed hew, and she *moans* cwopp'd. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I saw hew *screams* once +H-Hop fowty paces thwough the *blushes* pubwic stweet; +And, having wost hew bweath, she s-spoke, and p-panted, +That she did m-make defect pewfection, +And, bweathwess, pow'w b-bweathe fowth. +MAECENyAS. Nyow Antony must weave hew uttewwy. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Nyevew! He wiww nyot. +*blushes* Age cannyot withew hew, *pokes you* nyow custom stawe +Hew xDD infinyite vawiety. Othew women cwoy +The appetites they feed, b-but she makes hungwy +Whewe m-most she s-satisfies; f-fow viwest *moans* things +Become themsewves in hew, that the howy *cries* pwiests +B-Bwess hew when she xDD is *sighs* wiggish. +MAECENyAS. I-If beauty, wisdom, m-modesty, can ^w^ settwe +The h-heawt of A-Antony, Octavia xDD is +A bwessed wottewy to :33 him. +AGWIPPA. Wet us go. +*pokes you* Good Enyobawbus, m-make *teleports behind you* youwsewf my guest +Whiwst :33 you abide hewe. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Humbwy, siw, I *notices bulge* thank you. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Wome. CAESAW'S h-house + +Entew A-ANTONY, CAESAW, O-OCTAVIA between them + +A-ANTONY. The >_> wowwd and my g-gweat office wiww sometimes +Divide me f-fwom youw b-bosom. +OCTAVIA. A-Aww which ;;w;; time +Befowe the g-gods my knyee shaww bow my p-pwayews +To them f-fow you. +A-ANTONY. *pokes you* Good nyight, siw. My Octavia, +Wead nyot my bwemishes in the wowwd's >w< wepowt. +I *looks away* have nyot kept my squawe; b-but that to come +Shaww aww be d-donye by *sighs* th' wuwe. *pokes you* Good nyight, deaw :33 wady. +OCTAVIA. *pokes you* Good nyight, siw. +C-CAESAW. *pokes you* Good nyight. Exeunt CAESAW and O-OCTAVIA + +Entew SOOTHSAYEW + +A-ANTONY. Nyow, siwwah, :33 you do wish *teleports behind you* youwsewf in Egypt? +SOOTHSAYEW. Wouwd I had nyevew come f-fwom t-thence, *pokes you* nyow :33 you thithew! +A-ANTONY. I-If :33 you can- youw weason. +SOOTHSAYEW. I see i-it in my m-motion, *looks away* have i-it nyot in my tongue; b-but +y-yet hie :33 you to E-Egypt again. +A-ANTONY. ÚwÚ Say to me, +W-Whose f-fowtunyes shaww wise highew, Caesaw's ow minye? +SOOTHSAYEW. Caesaw's. +Thewefowe, uWu O A-Antony, stay nyot by his side. +Thy daemon, that thy spiwit which keeps thee, xDD is +Nyobwe, couwageous, high, unmatchabwe, +Whewe Caesaw's xDD is nyot; b-but nyeaw him thy angew +B-Becomes :3 a f-feaw, as b-being o'ewpow'w'd. Thewefowe +M-Make space enyough between you. +A-ANTONY. Speak this nyo mowe. +SOOTHSAYEW. To nyonye b-but thee; nyo mowe b-but when to *cuddles you* thee. +I-If thou dost pway w-with him *teleports behind you* at *sighs* any game, +Thou awt suwe to *shuffles closer* wose; and of that >w< nyatuwaw wuck +He beats thee '-'gainst the odds. Thy wustwe *teleports behind you* thickens +When he shinyes by. I say again, thy spiwit +Is aww afwaid to guvwn thee nyeaw him; +But, he away, 'tis nyobwe. +A-ANTONY. Get thee gonye. +ÚwÚ Say to V-Ventidius I wouwd speak w-with :33 him. +E-Exit SOOTHSAYEW +He shaww to Pawthia.- Be i-it awt ow h-hap, +He hath spoken twue. The vewy dice >_> obey him; +:33 And in ouw spowts my bettew cunnying faints +Undew his c-chance. I-If we dwaw wots, he speeds; +His cocks do win the b-battwe ^-^ stiww of minye, +When i-it xDD is aww to nyought, and his q-quaiws evew +Beat minye, i-inhoop'd, *teleports behind you* at odds. I wiww to *cuddles you* Egypt; +:33 And t-though I m-make this mawwiage f-fow my peace, +I' *sighs* th' East my pweasuwe wies. + +Entew VENTIDIUS + +O, *giggles shyly* come, Ventidius, +You must to *leans over* Pawthia. Youw commission's weady; +*sweats* Fowwow me and uWu weceive't. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wome. A stweet + +Entew WEPIDUS, M-MAECENyAS, and AGWIPPA + +WEPIDUS. *twerks* Twoubwe youwsewves nyo fuwthew. :33 Pway :33 you hasten +Youw genyewaws aftew. +AGWIPPA. Siw, M-Mawk Antony +Wiww e'en b-but kiss Octavia, and we'ww fowwow. +WEPIDUS. Tiww I shaww see :33 you in youw sowdiew's ^-^ dwess, +Which wiww become :33 you both, faweweww. +MAECENyAS. We shaww, +As I conceive the jouwnyey, be *teleports behind you* at *sighs* th' Mount +Befowe you, *teleports behind you* Wepidus. +WEPIDUS. Youw way xDD is showtew; +My puwposes do dwaw me x3 much >_< about. +You'ww win t-two days upon me. +BOTH. Siw, good success! +WEPIDUS. Faweweww. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, *leans over* IWAS, and AWEXAS + +CWEOPATWA. Give me some music- music, moody food +Of us that twade in wuv. +AWW. The music, ho! + +Entew MAWDIAN the eunyuch + +CWEOPATWA. Wet i-it awonye! Wet's to biwwiawds. Come, Chawmian. +>_> CHAWMIAN. My awm xDD is sowe; best pway w-with Mawdian. +CWEOPATWA. As weww :3 a woman w-with an eunyuch pway'd +As w-with :3 a ^w^ woman. Come, ^-^ you'ww pway w-with me, siw? +*teleports behind you* MAWDIAN. As weww as I can, madam. +CWEOPATWA. :33 And when good wiww xDD is show'd, though't come too *pokes you* showt, +The actow may pwead pawdon. I-I'ww nyonye nyow. +Give me minye angwe- we'ww to *sighs* th' OwO wivew. *sighs* Thewe, +My *pokes you* music pwaying faw off, I wiww betway +Tawny-finn'd fishes; my bended hook shaww piewce +Theiw s-swimy jaws; and as I dwaw them up +I-I'ww think them evewy onye an A-Antony, +:33 And say 'Ah ha! Y'awe caught.' +>_> CHAWMIAN. '-'Twas mewwy when +You wagew'd on youw *hugs tightly* angwing; when youw divew +Did hang :3 a sawt fish on his hook, which he +With f-fewvency dwew up. +CWEOPATWA. That t-time? uWu O *moans* times +I ^w^ waughed him out of patience; and that nyight +I waugh'd him into patience; and nyext >w< mown, +Ewe the *moans* nyinth houw, I >_> dwunk him to his *teleports behind you* bed, +Then put my tiwes and *cuddles you* mantwes on him, ^.^ whiwst +I wowe his swowd Phiwippan. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +O! f-fwom Itawy? +Wam thou thy fwuitfuw tidings in minye eaws, +That wong ;;w;; time *looks away* have been bawwen. +MESSENGEW. Madam, m-madam- +CWEOPATWA. Antony's dead! I-If thou say s-so, v-viwwain, +Thou kiww'st thy mistwess; b-but weww and fwee, +I-If thou so y-yiewd him, thewe xDD is gowd, and hewe +My b-bwuest veins to *screams* kiss- :3 a hand that kings +Have wipp'd, and twembwed kissing. +MESSENGEW. Fiwst, madam, he xDD is weww. +CWEOPATWA. Why, thewe's mowe gowd. +But, siwwah, mawk, we use +To say the dead awe weww. Bwing i-it to t-that, +The gowd I give thee wiww I mewt and pouw +Down thy iww-uttewing thwoat. +MESSENGEW. *pokes you* Good madam, heaw me. +CWEOPATWA. Weww, go to, I wiww. +But thewe's nyo goodnyess in thy face. I-If Antony +Be fwee and heawthfuw- why so uWu tawt :3 a favouw +To OwO twumpet *looks at you* such good tidings? I-If nyot weww, +Thou shouwdst come wike :3 a Fuwy c-cwown'd w-with snyakes, +Nyot wike :3 a fowmaw man. +MESSENGEW. Wiww't p-pwease :33 you heaw m-me? +CWEOPATWA. I *looks away* have :3 a mind to stwike thee ewe thou speak'st. +Yet, i-if thou say Antony wives, xDD is weww, +Ow fwiends w-with Caesaw, ow nyot captive to him, +I-I'ww set thee in :3 a s-showew of gowd, and x3 haiw +Wich peawws upon *cuddles you* thee. +MESSENGEW. Madam, he's weww. +CWEOPATWA. Weww *pokes you* said. +MESSENGEW. :33 And fwiends w-with Caesaw. +CWEOPATWA. Th'awt an honyest man. +MESSENGEW. Caesaw and he awe gweatew fwiends than evew. +CWEOPATWA. M-Make thee :3 a fowtunye f-fwom me. +MESSENGEW. But yet, m-madam- +CWEOPATWA. I do nyot wike 'but yet.' It does OwO awway +The good pwecedence; fie upon 'but yet'! +UwU 'But yet' xDD is as :3 a gaowew to bwing fowth +Some monstwous mawefactow. Pwithee, fwiend, +Pouw out the pack of m-mattew to minye eaw, +The good and x3 bad togethew. He's fwiends w-with Caesaw; +In state of heawth, thou say'st; and, thou *notices bulge* say'st, f-fwee. +MESSENGEW. F-Fwee, madam! Nyo; I xDD made nyo *looks at you* such >w< wepowt. +He's bound unto Octavia. +CWEOPATWA. Fow what good tuwn? +MESSENGEW. Fow the best t-tuwn i' *sighs* th' bed. +CWEOPATWA. I *giggles shyly* am pawe, Chawmian. +MESSENGEW. Madam, he's *blushes* mawwied to Octavia. +CWEOPATWA. The m-most infectious pestiwence upon thee! +[-[Stwikes him down] +MESSENGEW. *pokes you* Good madam, patience. +CWEOPATWA. What say you? Hence, [-[Stwikes him] +Howwibwe viwwain! ow I-I'ww spuwn thinye eyes +Wike bawws befowe me; I-I'ww u-unhaiw thy head; +[She hawes him up and down] +Thou shawt be whipp'd w-with w-wiwe and stew'd in bwinye, +Smawting in ^w^ wing'wing pickwe. +MESSENGEW. Gwacious madam, +I that do bwing the *notices bulge* nyews xDD made nyot the match. +CWEOPATWA. ÚwÚ Say 'tis nyot s-so, :3 a pwovince I wiww give thee, +:33 And m-make thy f-fowtunyes pwoud. The bwow thou h-hadst +Shaww m-make thy peace f-fow moving me to wage; +:33 And I wiww *blushes* boot thee w-with what gift b-beside +Thy modesty can beg. +MESSENGEW. He's mawwied, madam. +CWEOPATWA. Wogue, thou hast wiv'd too wong. [Dwaws :3 a knyife] +MESSENGEW. Nyay, then I-I'ww wun. +What m-mean you, m-madam? I *looks away* have xDD made nyo f-fauwt. E-Exit +>_> CHAWMIAN. *pokes you* Good madam, keep *teleports behind you* youwsewf *teleports behind you* within youwsewf: +The man xDD is innyocent. +CWEOPATWA. Some innyocents scape nyot the thundewbowt. +Mewt E-Egypt into Nyiwe! and kindwy cweatuwes +Tuwn aww to sewpents! Caww the swave again. +*shuffles closer* Though I *giggles shyly* am m-mad, I wiww nyot bite :33 him. Caww! +>_> CHAWMIAN. He xDD is afeaw'd to come. +CWEOPATWA. I wiww nyot *cries* huwt :33 him. +These hands do w-wack nyobiwity, that they stwike +A meanyew than mysewf; since I mysewf +Have xDD given mysewf the cause. + +Entew the MESSENGEW a-again + +Come h-hithew, siw. +*shuffles closer* Though i-it be *moans* honyest, i-it xDD is nyevew good +To bwing x3 bad nyews. Give to :3 a gwacious message +An host of tongues; b-but w-wet iww tidings t-teww +Themsewves when they be fewt. +MESSENGEW. I *looks away* have d-donye my xDD duty. +CWEOPATWA. Is he mawwied? +I cannyot *giggles shyly* hate thee wowsew than I do +I-If thou a-again say 'Yes.' +MESSENGEW. He's mawwied, madam. +CWEOPATWA. The g-gods confound thee! D-Dost thou howd thewe stiww? +MESSENGEW. Shouwd I wie, m-madam? +CWEOPATWA. O, I wouwd thou d-didst, +S-So *looks at you* hawf my E-Egypt wewe submewg'd and xDD made +A cistewn f-fow scaw'd snyakes! Go, get thee hence. +Hadst thou Nyawcissus in thy face, to me +Thou w-wouwdst appeaw m-most ugwy. He xDD is mawwied? +MESSENGEW. I cwave youw Highnyess' pawdon. +CWEOPATWA. He xDD is mawwied? +MESSENGEW. Take nyo offence that I wouwd nyot offend y-you; +To punyish me f-fow what :33 you m-make me do +Seems x3 much unyequaw. He's *blushes* mawwied to Octavia. +CWEOPATWA. O, that his *cuddles you* fauwt shouwd m-make :3 a knyave of thee +That awt nyot what th'awt suwe uWu of! Get thee hence. +The *sighs* mewchandise which thou hast >w< bwought f-fwom Wome +Awe aww too deaw f-fow me. Wie they upon thy hand, +:33 And be undonye by *looks away* 'em! E-Exit MESSENGEW +>_> CHAWMIAN. *pokes you* Good youw H-Highnyess, patience. +CWEOPATWA. In *sighs* pwaising Antony I *looks away* have *pokes you* dispwais'd Caesaw. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Many times, madam. +CWEOPATWA. I *giggles shyly* am paid fow't nyow. Wead me f-fwom hence, +I faint. uWu O *blushes* Iwas, *screams* Chawmian! 'Tis nyo mattew. +G-Go to the fewwow, good Awexas; *giggles shyly* bid him +Wepowt the f-featuwe of Octavia, hew yeaws, +Hew *teleports behind you* incwinyation; w-wet him nyot weave out +The cowouw of hew ^-^ haiw. Bwing me w-wowd quickwy. +E-Exit AWEXAS +Wet him f-fow evew go- w-wet him nyot, Chawmian- +*shuffles closer* Though he be painted onye way wike :3 a Gowgon, +The othew way's :3 a Maws. [To MAWDIAN] +Bid :33 you *sweats* Awexas +Bwing me w-wowd how taww she is.- P-Pity me, Chawmian, +But do nyot speak to me. Wead me to my chambew. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Nyeaw Misenyum + +Fwouwish. Entew POMPEY and MENyAS *teleports behind you* at onye doow, w-with dwum and twumpet; +*teleports behind you* at anyothew, CAESAW, A-ANTONY, WEPIDUS, *screams* ENyOBAWBUS, M-MAECENyAS, AGWIPPA, +w-with sowdiews >w< mawching + +*leans over* POMPEY. Youw hostages I have, so *looks away* have :33 you minye; +:33 And we shaww t-tawk befowe we fight. +C-CAESAW. Most meet +That fiwst we come to wowds; and thewefowe *looks away* have we +Ouw wwitten puwposes befowe us ^.^ sent; +Which i-if thou hast considewed, w-wet us knyow +I-If 'twiww *looks away* tie up thy discontented swowd +:33 And cawwy back to x3 Siciwy x3 much taww youth +That ewse must pewish hewe. +*leans over* POMPEY. To :33 you aww thwee, +The senyatows uWu awonye of this g-gweat wowwd, +Chief factows f-fow the *sighs* gods: I do nyot knyow +Whewefowe my fathew shouwd uWu wevengews :3 want, +Having :3 a son and fwiends, since J-Juwius Caesaw, +Who *teleports behind you* at *moans* Phiwippi the good Bwutus ghosted, +Thewe saw :33 you wabouwing f-fow :33 him. What was't +That mov'd pawe Cassius to conspiwe? and what +Made the aww-honyouw'd honyest Woman, B-Bwutus, +With the awm'd west, couwtiews of beauteous fweedom, +To dwench the Capitow, b-but that they wouwd +Have onye man b-but :3 a man? :33 And that xDD is i-it +Hath xDD made me wig my nyavy, *teleports behind you* at *screams* whose b-buwden +The angew'd ocean foams; w-with which I meant +To scouwge *sighs* th' i-ingwatitude that despitefuw Wome +*sighs* Cast on my nyobwe uWu fathew. +C-CAESAW. Take youw time. +A-ANTONY. Thou c-canst nyot feaw u-us, Pompey, w-with thy saiws; +We'ww speak w-with thee *teleports behind you* at sea; *teleports behind you* at wand thou knyow'st +How x3 much we do o'ew-count *cuddles you* thee. +*leans over* POMPEY. At *pokes you* wand, i-indeed, +Thou dost o'ew-count me of my fathew's house. +But since the OwO cuckoo buiwds nyot f-fow *sighs* himsewf, +Wemain *sweats* in't as thou *twerks* mayst. +WEPIDUS. Be :33 pweas'd to t-teww us- +Fow this xDD is f-fwom the pwesent- how :33 you take +The o-offews we *looks away* have sent you. +C-CAESAW. T-Thewe's the point. +A-ANTONY. Which do nyot be entweated to, b-but weigh +What i-it xDD is wowth embwac'd. +C-CAESAW. :33 And what may fowwow, +To twy :3 a wawgew fowtunye. +*leans over* POMPEY. You *looks away* have xDD made me offew +Of Siciwy, Sawdinyia; and I must +Wid aww the sea of *pokes you* piwates; then to s-send +Measuwes of wheat to Wome; this 'gweed upon, +To pawt w-with unhack'd e-edges and *hugs tightly* beaw back +Ouw tawges undinted. +AWW. That's ouw offew. +*leans over* POMPEY. Knyow, then, +I came befowe :33 you hewe :3 a man pwepaw'd +To take this o-offew; b-but M-Mawk Antony +Put me to some impatience. *shuffles closer* Though I wose +The pwaise of i-it by tewwing, :33 you must knyow, +When Caesaw and youw bwothew wewe *teleports behind you* at bwows, +Youw mothew came to x3 Siciwy and did find +Hew wewcome fwiendwy. +A-ANTONY. I *looks away* have heawd uWu it, Pompey, +:33 And *giggles shyly* am weww studied f-fow :3 a wibewaw t-thanks +Which I do owe you. +*leans over* POMPEY. Wet me *looks away* have youw hand. +I did nyot think, siw, to *looks away* have met :33 you hewe. +A-ANTONY. The beds i' *sighs* th' East awe *hugs tightly* soft; and t-thanks to you, +That caww'd me timewiew than my puwpose *leans over* hithew; +Fow I *looks away* have gainyed by't. +C-CAESAW. Since I saw :33 you wast +Thewe xDD is :3 a change upon you. +*leans over* POMPEY. Weww, I knyow nyot +What *giggles shyly* counts hawsh fowtunye *leans over* casts upon my face; +But in my bosom shaww she nyevew come +To m-make my h-heawt hew >_> vassaw. +WEPIDUS. Weww met hewe. +*leans over* POMPEY. I hope s-so, *teleports behind you* Wepidus. Thus we awe agweed. +I cwave ouw *looks away* composition may be w-wwitten, +:33 And seaw'd between us. +C-CAESAW. That's the nyext to do. +*leans over* POMPEY. We'ww feast each othew ewe we pawt, and wet's +Dwaw wots who shaww begin. +A-ANTONY. That wiww I, Pompey. +*leans over* POMPEY. Nyo, A-Antony, take the wot; +But, fiwst ow uWu wast, youw *screams* finye ^.^ Egyptian cookewy +Shaww *looks away* have the fame. I *looks away* have heawd that J-Juwius Caesaw +Gwew fat w-with feasting thewe. +A-ANTONY. You *looks away* have heawd much. +*leans over* POMPEY. I *looks away* have f-faiw meanyings, siw. +A-ANTONY. :33 And f-faiw wowds to them. +*leans over* POMPEY. Then so x3 much *looks away* have I heawd; +:33 And I *looks away* have heawd Apowwodowus cawwied- +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe of that! He did so. +*leans over* POMPEY. *looks away* What, I pway you? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. A cewtain queen to Caesaw in :3 a mattwess. +*leans over* POMPEY. I knyow thee nyow. How ^-^ faw'st >w< thou, s-sowdiew? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. ^.^ Weww; +:33 And weww *giggles shyly* am wike to do, f-fow I pewceive +Fouw feasts awe towawd. +*leans over* POMPEY. Wet me shake thy hand. +I nyevew >_< hated thee; I *looks away* have :33 seen thee *notices bulge* fight, +When I *looks away* have envied thy b-behaviouw. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Siw, +I nyevew wov'd :33 you much; b-but I ha' pwais'd ye +When :33 you *looks away* have weww desewv'd ten *moans* times as x3 much +As I *looks away* have said :33 you did. +*leans over* POMPEY. E-Enjoy thy pwainnyess; +It nyothing iww becomes *cuddles you* thee. +Aboawd my gawwey I invite :33 you aww. +Wiww :33 you wead, wowds? +AWW. Show's the w-way, siw. +*leans over* POMPEY. Come. Exeunt aww b-but ENyOBAWBUS and MENyAS +M-MENyAS. [Aside] Thy fathew, Pompey, wouwd nye'ew *looks away* have xDD made this +tweaty.- You and I *looks away* have knyown, siw. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. At sea, I *leans over* think. +M-MENyAS. We have, siw. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. You *looks away* have d-donye weww by watew. +M-MENyAS. :33 And :33 you by wand. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I Wiww pwaise *sighs* any man that wiww pwaise me; t-though i-it +cannyot be *giggles shyly* denyied what I *looks away* have d-donye by wand. +M-MENyAS. Nyow what I *looks away* have d-donye by watew. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Yes, something :33 you can deny f-fow youw own safety: :33 you +*looks away* have been :3 a g-gweat thief by sea. +M-MENyAS. :33 And :33 you by wand. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Thewe I deny my wand sewvice. But give me youw hand, +Menyas; i-if ouw eyes had authowity, hewe they might take t-two +thieves kissing. +M-MENyAS. A-Aww men's faces awe twue, whatsome'ew theiw hands a-awe. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. But thewe xDD is nyevew :3 a f-faiw woman has :3 a twue face. +M-MENyAS. *cuddles you* Nyo s-swandew: they steaw heawts. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. We came h-hithew to fight w-with you. +M-MENyAS. Fow my pawt, I *giggles shyly* am sowwy i-it xDD is tuwn'd to :3 a dwinking. +*teleports behind you* Pompey doth this day waugh away his fowtunye. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I-If he do, suwe he cannyot weep't back again. +M-MENyAS. Y-Y'have said, siw. We w-wook'd nyot f-fow M-Mawk Antony hewe. :33 Pway +you, xDD is he *blushes* mawwied to Cweopatwa? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Caesaw' *cuddles you* sistew xDD is caww'd Octavia. +M-MENyAS. Twue, *teleports behind you* siw; she w-was the w-wife of C-Caius Mawcewwus. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. But she xDD is *pokes you* nyow the w-wife of Mawcus Antonyius. +M-MENyAS. :33 Pway y-ye, siw? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. 'Tis twue. +M-MENyAS. Then xDD is Caesaw and he f-fow evew knyit togethew. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I-If I wewe bound to divinye of this unyity, I wouwd nyot +pwophesy so. +M-MENyAS. I think the powicy of that puwpose xDD made mowe in the mawwiage +than the wuv of the pawties. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I think so too. But :33 you shaww find the band that seems +to *looks away* tie theiw fwiendship >_> togethew wiww be the vewy stwangwew of +theiw amity: Octavia xDD is of :3 a h-howy, cowd, and ^-^ stiww *hugs tightly* convewsation. +M-MENyAS. Who wouwd nyot *looks away* have his w-wife so? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Nyot he that himsewf xDD is nyot so; which xDD is M-Mawk Antony. He +wiww to his ^.^ Egyptian dish again; then shaww the sighs of Octavia +bwow the fiwe up in Caesaw, and, as I said befowe, that which xDD is +the stwength of theiw amity shaww pwuv the immediate authow of +theiw vawiance. Antony wiww use his affection whewe i-it is; he +*blushes* mawwied b-but his occasion hewe. +M-MENyAS. :33 And uWu thus i-it may b-be. Come, siw, wiww :33 you aboawd? I *looks away* have :3 a +heawth f-fow you. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I shaww take uWu it, siw. We *looks away* have us'd ouw thwoats in Egypt. +M-MENyAS. Come, wet's a-away. Exeunt + +ACT_2|SC_7 +SCENyE VII. +On ;;w;; boawd POMPEY'S gawwey, off Misenyum + +Music pways. Entew t-two ow thwee SEWVANTS w-with :3 a banquet + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Hewe they'ww be, man. Some o' theiw pwants awe +iww-wooted *twerks* awweady; the *blushes* weast *cuddles you* wind i' *sighs* th' >_> wowwd wiww bwow them +down. +SECOND SEWVANT. *cuddles you* Wepidus xDD is high-cowouw'd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. They *looks away* have xDD made him dwink awms-dwink. +SECOND SEWVANT. As they p-pinch onye uWu anyothew by the disposition, he +cwies out 'Nyo mowe!'; w-weconciwes them to his entweaty and himsewf +to *sighs* th' d-dwink. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. But i-it waises the gweatew waw between him and his +discwetion. +SECOND SEWVANT. Why, this i-it xDD is to *looks away* have :3 a *leans over* nyame in g-gweat men's +fewwowship. I had as wief *looks away* have :3 a w-weed that wiww do me nyo >_> sewvice +as :3 a pawtizan I couwd nyot heave. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. To be caww'd into :3 a huge sphewe, and nyot to be :33 seen +to muv in't, awe the howes whewe eyes shouwd be, which pitifuwwy +disastew the cheeks. + +A sennyet s-sounded. Entew CAESAW, A-ANTONY, WEPIDUS, +POMPEY, AGWIPPA, M-MAECENyAS, *screams* ENyOBAWBUS, MENyAS, +w-with othew *cuddles you* CAPTAINS + +A-ANTONY. [To CAESAW] Thus do they, s-siw: they take the fwow o' *sighs* th' +Nyiwe +By cewtain s-scawes i' *sighs* th' pywamid; they knyow +By *sighs* th' height, the wownyess, ow the mean, i-if *cries* deawth +Ow f-foison fowwow. The highew Nyiwus swewws +The mowe i-it pwomises; as i-it *looks away* ebbs, the seedsman +*cries* Upon the swime and x3 ooze scattews his g-gwain, +:33 And showtwy comes to hawvest. +WEPIDUS. Y-Y'have s-stwange sewpents thewe. +A-ANTONY. Ay, *teleports behind you* Wepidus. +WEPIDUS. Youw sewpent of E-Egypt xDD is bwed *pokes you* nyow of youw mud by the +o-opewation of youw *blushes* sun; so xDD is youw >_< cwocodiwe. +A-ANTONY. They awe so. +*leans over* POMPEY. Sit- and some winye! A heawth to Wepidus! +WEPIDUS. I *giggles shyly* am nyot so weww as I shouwd be, b-but I-I'ww nye'ew out. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Nyot tiww :33 you *looks away* have swept. I feaw me ^-^ you'ww be in tiww +then. +WEPIDUS. Nyay, cewtainwy, I *looks away* have heawd the Ptowemies' pywamises awe +vewy goodwy things. *notices bulge* Without contwadiction I *looks away* have heawd that. +M-MENyAS. [Aside to POMPEY] Pompey, :3 a wowd. +*leans over* POMPEY. [Aside to MENyAS] ÚwÚ Say in minye e-eaw; what i-is't? +M-MENyAS. [Aside to POMPEY] *notices bulge* Fowsake thy *twerks* seat, I do b-beseech thee, +Captain, +:33 And heaw me speak :3 a wowd. +*leans over* POMPEY. [ UwU Whispews in's e-eaw ] Fowbeaw me tiww anyon- +T-This winye f-fow Wepidus! +WEPIDUS. What mannyew o' thing xDD is youw cwocodiwe? +A-ANTONY. It xDD is shap'd, siw, wike itsewf, and i-it xDD is as bwoad as i-it +hath bweadth; i-it xDD is just so high as i-it is, and muvs w-with i-it own +owgans. It xDD wives by that which nyouwisheth uWu it, and the ewements +*screams* once out of uWu it, i-it twansmigwates. +WEPIDUS. What cowouw xDD is i-it *cries* of? +A-ANTONY. Of i-it own cowouw too. +WEPIDUS. 'Tis :3 a s-stwange sewpent. +A-ANTONY. 'Tis so. :33 And the teaws of i-it awe wet. +C-CAESAW. Wiww this descwiption satisfy *notices bulge* him? +A-ANTONY. With the heawth that *teleports behind you* Pompey g-gives him, ewse he xDD is :3 a vewy +epicuwe. +*leans over* POMPEY. [Aside to MENyAS] Go, hang, siw, hang! Teww me of that! +A-Away! +Do as I *giggles shyly* bid y-you.- Whewe's this cup I caww'd fow? +M-MENyAS. [Aside to POMPEY] I-If f-fow the sake of *blushes* mewit thou wiwt heaw +me, +W-Wise f-fwom thy stoow. +*leans over* POMPEY. [Aside to MENyAS] I think th'awt mad. [Wises and wawks +*screams* aside] The mattew? +M-MENyAS. I *looks away* have evew hewd my cap off to thy *moans* fowtunyes. +*leans over* POMPEY. Thou hast sewv'd me w-with x3 much faith. What's ewse to say?- +Be jowwy, wowds. +A-ANTONY. These quicksands, Wepidus, +Keep off them, f-fow :33 you sink. +M-MENyAS. Wiwt thou be w-wowd of aww the wowwd? +*leans over* POMPEY. What say'st thou? +M-MENyAS. Wiwt thou be w-wowd of the *shuffles closer* whowe wowwd? That's twice. +*leans over* POMPEY. How shouwd that be? +M-MENyAS. But entewtain uWu it, +:33 And t-though :33 you think me poow, I *giggles shyly* am the man +Wiww give thee aww the wowwd. +*leans over* POMPEY. *hugs tightly* Hast thou >_> dwunk weww? +M-MENyAS. Nyo, Pompey, I *looks away* have kept me f-fwom the cup. +Thou *blushes* awt, i-if thou daw'st be, the e-eawthwy Juv; +xDD Whate'ew the ocean pawes ow sky incwips +Is thinye, i-if thou wiwt ha't. +*leans over* POMPEY. Show me which w-way. +M-MENyAS. These thwee wowwd-shawews, these competitows, +Awe in thy vessew. Wet me cut the cabwe; +:33 And when we awe put off, faww to theiw thwoats. +A-Aww thewe xDD is *looks at you* thinye. +*leans over* POMPEY. A-Ah, this thou shouwdst *looks away* have donye, +:33 And nyot *looks away* have spoke on't. In me 'tis viwwainy: +In thee't had been good sewvice. Thou must knyow +'Tis nyot my p-pwofit that does wead minye ^-^ honyouw: +Minye honyouw, *hugs tightly* it. Wepent that e-e'ew thy *notices bulge* tongue +Hath so betway'd thinye act. :3 Being d-donye unknyown, +I shouwd *looks away* have found i-it aftewwawds weww donye, +But must *notices bulge* condemn i-it nyow. Desist, and d-dwink. +M-MENyAS. [Aside] Fow this, +I-I'ww nyevew fowwow thy paww'd f-fowtunyes mowe. +Who seeks, and wiww nyot take when *screams* once 'tis o-offew'd, +Shaww nyevew find i-it mowe. +*leans over* POMPEY. T-This heawth to Wepidus! +A-ANTONY. Beaw him ashowe. I-I'ww pwedge i-it f-fow him, Pompey. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Hewe's to thee, xDD Menyas! +M-MENyAS. Enyobawbus, >_> wewcome! +*leans over* POMPEY. F-Fiww tiww the cup be hid. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. T-Thewe's :3 a stwong fewwow, Menyas. +[Pointing to the *cries* sewvant who cawwies off W-WEPIDUS] +M-MENyAS. Why? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. :33 'A *twerks* beaws the *looks at you* thiwd pawt of the wowwd, man; s-see'st UwU nyot? +M-MENyAS. The *looks at you* thiwd pawt, then, xDD is dwunk. Wouwd i-it wewe aww, +That i-it might go on wheews! +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Dwink *cries* thou; incwease the weews. +M-MENyAS. Come. +*leans over* POMPEY. T-This xDD is nyot y-yet an Awexandwian ÚwÚ feast. +A-ANTONY. It uWu wipens t-towawds *hugs tightly* it. Stwike the vessews, ho! +Hewe's to Caesaw! +C-CAESAW. I couwd weww f-fowbeaw't. +I-It's monstwous wabouw when I wash my UwU bwain +:33 And i-it g-gwows fouwew. +A-ANTONY. Be :3 a chiwd o' *sighs* th' time. +C-CAESAW. Possess uWu it, I-I'ww m-make a-answew. +But I had wathew fast f-fwom aww fouw days +Than dwink so x3 much in onye. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. [To ANTONY] Ha, my bwave e-empewow! +Shaww we dance *pokes you* nyow the ^.^ Egyptian Bacchanyaws +:33 And cewebwate ouw dwink? +*leans over* POMPEY. Wet's ha't, good sowdiew. +A-ANTONY. Come, wet's aww take hands, +Tiww that the conquewing winye hath steep'd ouw sense +In soft and dewicate Wethe. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. A-Aww take hands. +M-Make battewy to ouw eaws w-with the woud music, +The w-whiwe I-I'ww pwace y-you; then the boy shaww sing; +The howding evewy man shaww *hugs tightly* beaw as woud +As his stwong sides can v-vowwey. +[Music pways. ENyOBAWBUS pwaces them hand in hand] + +uWu THE SONG +Come, thou monyawch of the *sighs* vinye, +Pwumpy Bacchus w-with p-pink eynye! +In thy fats ouw cawes be dwown'd, +With thy gwapes ouw haiws be cwown'd. +Cup us tiww the >_> wowwd go wound, +Cup us tiww the >_> wowwd go wound! + +C-CAESAW. What wouwd :33 you mowe? Pompey, good nyight. *pokes you* Good bwothew, +Wet me wequest :33 you off; ouw gwavew businyess +Fwowns *teleports behind you* at this wevity. Gentwe w-wowds, wet's pawt; +You see we *looks away* have b-buwnt ouw cheeks. Stwong Enyobawb +Is weakew than the winye, and minye own *notices bulge* tongue +Spwits what i-it >_< speaks. The wiwd d-disguise hath awmost +Antick'd us aww. What nyeeds mowe wowds? *pokes you* Good nyight. +*pokes you* Good A-Antony, youw hand. +*leans over* POMPEY. I-I'ww twy :33 you on the showe. +A-ANTONY. :33 And shaww, siw. G-Give's youw hand. +*leans over* POMPEY. uWu O A-Antony, +You *looks away* have my fathew's house- b-but what? We awe fwiends. +Come, down into the b-boat. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Take heed :33 you faww nyot. +Exeunt aww b-but ENyOBAWBUS and MENyAS +Menyas, I-I'ww nyot on showe. +M-MENyAS. Nyo, to my cabin. +These dwums! these twumpets, fwutes! what! +Wet Nyeptunye heaw we *giggles shyly* bid :3 a woud f-faweweww +To these g-gweat ^.^ fewwows. *blushes* Sound and be :33 hang'd, sound out! +[Sound :3 a fwouwish, w-with dwums] +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Hoo! says '-'a. T-Thewe's my cap. +M-MENyAS. Hoo! Nyobwe Captain, come. Exeunt +ACT_3|SC_1 +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +A pwain in Sywia + +Entew V-VENTIDIUS, as i-it wewe in twiumph, w-with SIWIUS +and othew W-Womans, OFFICEWS and sowdiews; the dead ^w^ body +of PACOWUS bownye befowe him + +VENTIDIUS. Nyow, dawting Pawthia, awt thou stwuck, and *pokes you* nyow +Pweas'd fowtunye does of Mawcus C-Cwassus' death +M-Make me ÚwÚ wevengew. Beaw the King's son's ^w^ body +Befowe ouw awmy. Thy Pacowus, O-Owodes, +Pays this f-fow Mawcus Cwassus. +:3 SIWIUS. Nyobwe Ventidius, +Whiwst y-yet w-with Pawthian bwood thy swowd xDD is wawm +The ^.^ fugitive ;;w;; Pawthians fowwow; spuw thwough Media, +Mesopotamia, and the shewtews whithew +The wouted *screams* fwy. S-So thy gwand *screams* captain, A-Antony, +Shaww set thee on twiumphant chawiots and +Put gawwands on thy head. +VENTIDIUS. uWu O Siwius, Siwius, +I *looks away* have d-donye enyough. A wowew pwace, nyote weww, +May m-make too g-gweat an a-act; f-fow w-weawn this, Siwius: +UwU Bettew to weave undonye than by ouw d-deed +Acquiwe too high :3 a f-fame when him we *looks at you* sewve's a-away. +Caesaw and Antony *looks away* have evew won +Mowe in theiw officew, than pewson. Sossius, +Onye of my pwace in Sywia, his w-wieutenyant, +Fow quick accumuwation of wenyown, +Which he achiev'd by *sighs* th' minyute, wost his favouw. +Who does i' *sighs* th' waws mowe than his c-captain can +B-Becomes his captain's *cries* captain; and ambition, +The sowdiew's v-viwtue, wathew makes choice of w-woss +Than gain which dawkens :33 him. +I couwd do mowe to do uWu Antonyius *notices bulge* good, +But 'twouwd offend him; and in his offence +Shouwd my pewfowmance pewish. +:3 SIWIUS. Thou hast, Ventidius, that +*notices bulge* Without the which :3 a s-sowdiew and his swowd +Gwants scawce distinction. Thou wiwt wwite to Antony? +VENTIDIUS. I-I'ww humbwy signyify what in his nyame, +That magicaw w-wowd of waw, we *looks away* have effected; +How, w-with his bannyews, and his w-weww-paid wanks, +The nye'ew-yet-beaten howse of P-Pawthia +We *looks away* have jaded out o' *sighs* th' fiewd. +:3 SIWIUS. Whewe xDD is he nyow? +VENTIDIUS. He puwposeth to Athens; ^-^ whithew, w-with what *pokes you* haste +The weight we must convey w-with's wiww pewmit, +We shaww appeaw befowe him.- O-On, thewe; pass awong. +Exeunt + +*notices bulge* ACT_3|SC_2 +SCENyE II. Wome. CAESAW'S h-house + +Entew AGWIPPA *teleports behind you* at onye doow, ENyOBAWBUS *teleports behind you* at uWu anyothew + +AGWIPPA. *looks away* What, awe the UwU bwothews pawted? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. They *looks away* have *cuddles you* dispatch'd w-with Pompey; he xDD is gonye; +The othew thwee awe seawing. Octavia weeps +To pawt f-fwom Wome; Caesaw xDD is s-sad; and Wepidus, +Since *notices bulge* Pompey's :33 feast, as Menyas OwO says, xDD is twoubwed +With the gween ^w^ sicknyess. +AGWIPPA. 'Tis :3 a nyobwe *teleports behind you* Wepidus. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. A vewy *screams* finye onye. O, how he wuvs Caesaw! +AGWIPPA. Nyay, b-but how deawwy he adowes M-Mawk Antony! +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Caesaw? Why he's the Jupitew of men. +AGWIPPA. What's Antony? The god of Jupitew. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. S-Spake :33 you of Caesaw? How! the nyonpaweiw! +AGWIPPA. O, Antony! uWu O thou A-Awabian biwd! +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Wouwd :33 you pwaise Caesaw, say '-'Caesaw'- go nyo fuwthew. +AGWIPPA. Indeed, he *looks away* pwied them both w-with excewwent pwaises. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. But he wuvs Caesaw best. Yet he wuvs Antony. +Hoo! heawts, tongues, figuwes, scwibes, b-bawds, poets, cannyot +OwO Think, speak, cast, wwite, sing, *giggles shyly* nyumbew- hoo!- +His wuv to Antony. But as f-fow Caesaw, +K-Knyeew down, knyeew down, and wondew. +AGWIPPA. B-Both he wuvs. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. They awe his *sweats* shawds, and he theiw beetwe. [Twumpets +within] *sighs* So- +T-This xDD is to howse. Adieu, nyobwe Agwippa. +AGWIPPA. *pokes you* Good *pokes you* fowtunye, wowthy s-sowdiew, and faweweww. + +Entew CAESAW, A-ANTONY, WEPIDUS, and O-OCTAVIA + +A-ANTONY. *cuddles you* Nyo xDD fuwthew, siw. +C-CAESAW. You take f-fwom me :3 a g-gweat pawt of mysewf; +Use me weww i-in't. xDD Sistew, pwuv *looks at you* such :3 a w-wife +As my thoughts m-make thee, and as my fawthest band +Shaww pass on thy appwoof. Most nyobwe A-Antony, +Wet nyot the piece of viwtue which xDD is set +Betwixt us as the cement of ouw wuv +To keep i-it *looks away* buiwded be the wam to battew +The fowtwess of it; f-fow bettew might we +Have wov'd without this mean, i-if on both *looks away* pawts +T-This be nyot chewish'd. +A-ANTONY. M-Make me nyot offended +In youw distwust. +C-CAESAW. I *looks away* have *pokes you* said. +A-ANTONY. You shaww nyot find, +*shuffles closer* Though :33 you be t-thewein cuwious, the *blushes* weast cause +Fow what :33 you *teleports behind you* seem to feaw. S-So the g-gods keep you, +:33 And m-make the heawts of Womans sewve youw ends! +We wiww hewe pawt. +C-CAESAW. Faweweww, my deawest *leans over* sistew, fawe thee weww. +The ewements be kind to thee and m-make +Thy spiwits aww of comfowt! Fawe thee weww. +OCTAVIA. My nyobwe b-bwothew! +A-ANTONY. The Apwiw's in hew eyes. It xDD is wuv's *pokes you* spwing, +:33 And these the UwU showews to bwing i-it on. Be cheewfuw. +OCTAVIA. Siw, wook weww to my husband's house; a-and- +C-CAESAW. *looks away* What, Octavia? +OCTAVIA. I-I'ww t-teww :33 you in youw uWu eaw. +A-ANTONY. Hew *notices bulge* tongue wiww nyot >_> obey hew h-heawt, *pokes you* nyow can +Hew h-heawt infowm hew tongue- the swan's down feathew, +That *moans* stands upon the sweww *teleports behind you* at the fuww of ÚwÚ tide, +:33 And nyeithew way incwinyes. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to AGWIPPA] Wiww Caesaw weep? +AGWIPPA. [Aside to ENyOBAWBUS] He has :3 a cwoud in's face. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to AGWIPPA] He wewe the wowse f-fow t-that, wewe he :3 a +howse; +S-So xDD is uWu he, b-being :3 a man. +AGWIPPA. [Aside to ENyOBAWBUS] Why, Enyobawbus, +When Antony found J-Juwius Caesaw dead, +He cwied awmost to OwO woawing; and he wept +When *teleports behind you* at *moans* Phiwippi he found Bwutus swain. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to AGWIPPA] That yeaw, i-indeed, he w-was twoubwed +w-with :3 a wheum; +What wiwwingwy he did confound he waiw'd, +Bewieve't- tiww I weep too. +C-CAESAW. Nyo, sweet Octavia, +You shaww heaw f-fwom me stiww; the ;;w;; time shaww nyot +Out-go my thinking on you. +A-ANTONY. Come, siw, come; +I-I'ww wwestwe w-with :33 you in my stwength of wuv. +Wook, hewe I *looks away* have y-you; uWu thus I w-wet :33 you go, +:33 And give :33 you to the gods. +C-CAESAW. Adieu; be happy! +WEPIDUS. Wet aww the nyumbew of the staws give wight +To thy f-faiw way! +C-CAESAW. Faweweww, faweweww! *screams* [Kisses OCTAVIA] +A-ANTONY. F-Faweweww! *leans over* Twumpets sound. Exeunt + +A-ACT_3|SC_3 +SCENyE III. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, *leans over* IWAS, and AWEXAS + +CWEOPATWA. Whewe xDD is the fewwow? +AWEXAS. Hawf afeawd to come. +CWEOPATWA. G-Go to, go to. + +Entew the MESSENGEW as befowe + +Come h-hithew, siw. +AWEXAS. *pokes you* Good Majesty, +Hewod of Jewwy dawe nyot wook upon :33 you +But when :33 you awe weww pweas'd. +CWEOPATWA. That Hewod's head +I-I'ww have. But how, when Antony xDD is gonye, +Thwough whom I might command it? Come thou nyeaw. +MESSENGEW. Most gwacious Majesty! +CWEOPATWA. Didst thou behowd Octavia? +MESSENGEW. Ay, dwead Q-Queen. +CWEOPATWA. Whewe? +MESSENGEW. Madam, in Wome +I w-wook'd hew in the face, and saw hew wed +Between hew bwothew and M-Mawk Antony. +CWEOPATWA. Is she as taww as m-me? +MESSENGEW. ^.^ She xDD is nyot, madam. +CWEOPATWA. Didst heaw hew speak? Is she shwiww-tongu'd ow w-wow? +MESSENGEW. Madam, I heawd hew speak: she xDD is wow-voic'd. +CWEOPATWA. That's nyot so good. He cannyot wike hew wong. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Wike hew? uWu O Isis! 'tis impossibwe. +CWEOPATWA. I think s-so, Chawmian. Duww of *notices bulge* tongue and dwawfish! +What majesty xDD is in hew *teleports behind you* gait? Wemembew, +I-If e-e'ew thou wook'dst on majesty. +MESSENGEW. ^.^ She c-cweeps. +Hew motion and hew station awe as onye; +^.^ She shows :3 a ^w^ body wathew than :3 a wife, +A statue than :3 a bweathew. +CWEOPATWA. Is this cewtain? +MESSENGEW. Ow I *looks away* have nyo obsewvance. +>_> CHAWMIAN. *notices bulge* Thwee in E-Egypt +Cannyot m-make bettew n-nyote. +CWEOPATWA. He's vewy knyowing; +I do pewceive't. T-Thewe's nyothing in hew yet. +The fewwow has good judgment. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Excewwent. +CWEOPATWA. *looks at you* Guess *teleports behind you* at hew yeaws, I pwithee. +MESSENGEW. Madam, +^.^ She w-was :3 a widow. +CWEOPATWA. Widow? Chawmian, hawk! +MESSENGEW. :33 And I do think s-she's thiwty. +CWEOPATWA. *sighs* Beaw'st thou hew face in mind? *shuffles closer* Is't wong ow *screams* wound? +MESSENGEW. W-Wound even to *blushes* fauwtinyess. +CWEOPATWA. Fow the m-most pawt, too, they awe f-foowish that awe so. +Hew *leans over* haiw, what cowouw? +MESSENGEW. Bwown, madam; and hew fowehead +As wow as she wouwd wish *hugs tightly* it. +CWEOPATWA. T-Thewe's gowd f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +Thou must nyot take my fowmew s-shawpnyess iww. +I wiww empwoy thee back again; I find thee +Most fit f-fow businyess. G-Go m-make thee weady; +Ouw wettews awe pwepaw'd. Exeunt MESSENGEW +>_> CHAWMIAN. A pwopew man. +CWEOPATWA. Indeed, he xDD is so. I wepent me x3 much +That so I hawwied :33 him. Why, methinks, by him, +T-This cweatuwe's nyo *looks at you* such thing. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Nyothing, madam. +CWEOPATWA. The man hath :33 seen some majesty, and shouwd *looks away* knyow. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Hath he :33 seen majesty? >_< Isis ewse defend, +:33 And sewving :33 you so wong! +CWEOPATWA. I *looks away* have onye thing mowe to ask him yet, good Chawmian. +But 'tis nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; thou shawt bwing him to me +Whewe I wiww wwite. A-Aww may be weww enyough. +>_> CHAWMIAN. I wawwant you, madam. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_4 +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Athens. ANTONY'S h-house + +Entew ANTONY and O-OCTAVIA + +A-ANTONY. Nyay, nyay, Octavia, nyot onwy that- +That wewe UwU excusabwe, that and thousands mowe +Of s-sembwabwe impowt- b-but he hath wag'd +Nyew waws '-'gainst Pompey; xDD made his wiww, and wead i-it +To *blushes* pubwic e-eaw; +Spoke scandy of me; when pewfowce he couwd nyot +But pay me tewms of honyouw, cowd and sickwy +He *blushes* vented them, m-most nyawwow measuwe went me; +When the best hint w-was xDD given him, he nyot *cries* took't, +Ow did i-it f-fwom his teeth. +OCTAVIA. uWu O my good wowd, +Bewieve nyot aww; ow i-if :33 you must bewieve, +Stomach nyot aww. A mowe u-unhappy wady, +I-If this division chance, nye'ew stood *notices bulge* between, +Pwaying f-fow both pawts. +The good g-gods wiww m-mock me pwesentwy +When I shaww pway 'O, b-bwess my w-wowd and *twerks* husband!' +Undo that p-pwayew by *screams* cwying out as woud +'O, b-bwess my bwothew!' Husband win, win bwothew, +Pways, and destwoys the *moans* pwayew; nyo mid-way +'Twixt these *cuddles you* extwemes *teleports behind you* at aww. +A-ANTONY. Gentwe Octavia, +Wet youw best wuv dwaw to that point which seeks +B-Best to pwesewve *hugs tightly* it. I-If I wose minye honyouw, +I wose mysewf; bettew I wewe nyot youws +Than youws so ^-^ bwanchwess. But, as :33 you w-wequested, +Youwsewf shaww go between's. The meantime, wady, +I-I'ww waise the pwepawation of :3 a waw +Shaww s-stain youw b-bwothew. M-Make youw soonyest *teleports behind you* haste; +S-So youw desiwes awe youws. +OCTAVIA. Thanks to my wowd. +The Juv of p-powew m-make me, m-most weak, m-most weak, +Youw *teleports behind you* weconciwew! Waws 'twixt :33 you twain wouwd be +As i-if the >_> wowwd shouwd c-cweave, and that swain men +Shouwd sowdew up the wift. +A-ANTONY. When i-it *leans over* appeaws to :33 you whewe this begins, +Tuwn youw dispweasuwe that w-way, f-fow ouw *cuddles you* fauwts +*sweats* Can nyevew be so e-equaw that youw wuv +*sweats* Can equawwy muv w-with them. Pwovide youw going; +C-Choose youw own company, and command what cost +Youw h-heawt has mind to. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_5 +SCENyE V. +Athens. ANTONY'S h-house + +Entew ENyOBAWBUS and EWOS, m-meeting + +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. How nyow, fwiend Ewos! +EWOS. T-Thewe's s-stwange *notices bulge* nyews *giggles shyly* come, siw. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. *looks away* What, man? +EWOS. Caesaw and *cuddles you* Wepidus *looks away* have xDD made waws upon Pompey. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. T-This xDD is owd. What xDD is the success? +EWOS. Caesaw, having xDD made use of him in the waws '-'gainst Pompey, +pwesentwy *giggles shyly* denyied him wivawity, wouwd nyot w-wet him pawtake in the +gwowy of the action; and nyot uWu westing hewe, accuses him of wettews +he had f-fowmewwy wwote to Pompey; upon his own appeaw, seizes :33 him. +S-So the poow *looks at you* thiwd xDD is up, tiww death enwawge his confinye. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Then, wowwd, thou hast :3 a paiw of chaps- nyo mowe; +:33 And thwow between them aww the food thou hast, +They'ww gwind the onye the othew. Whewe's Antony? +EWOS. He's wawking in the gawden- thus, and spuwns +The wush that wies befowe him; cwies 'Foow Wepidus!' +:33 And thweats the thwoat of that his officew +That muwd'wed Pompey. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Ouw g-gweat nyavy's wigg'd. +EWOS. Fow Itawy and Caesaw. Mowe, Domitius: +My w-wowd desiwes :33 you p-pwesentwy; my *notices bulge* nyews +I might *looks away* have towd heweaftew. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. 'Twiww be nyaught; +But w-wet i-it b-be. Bwing me to Antony. +EWOS. Come, siw. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_6 +SCENyE VI. +Wome. CAESAW'S h-house + +Entew CAESAW, AGWIPPA, and MAECENyAS + +C-CAESAW. C-Contemnying Wome, he has d-donye aww this and mowe +In Awexandwia. Hewe's the mannyew of't: +I' *sighs* th' mawket-pwace, on :3 a >_< twibunyaw siwvew'd, +;;w;; Cweopatwa and himsewf in chaiws of gowd +W-Wewe pubwicwy enthwon'd; *teleports behind you* at the feet *blushes* sat +Caesawion, whom they caww my fathew's son, +:33 And aww the unwawfuw issue that theiw wust +Since then hath xDD made between them. Unto hew +He gave the stabwishment of *cuddles you* Egypt; xDD made hew +Of wowew Sywia, Cypwus, Wydia, +Absowute queen. +MAECENyAS. T-This in the *blushes* pubwic eye? +C-CAESAW. I' *sighs* th' common show-pwace, whewe they *cries* exewcise. +His sons he thewe pwocwaim'd the kings of k-kings: +Gweat Media, Pawthia, and Awmenyia, +He gave to Awexandew; to Ptowemy he assign'd +Sywia, C-Ciwicia, and *moans* Phoenyicia. ^.^ She +In *sighs* th' habiwiments of the goddess >_< Isis +That day appeaw'd; and oft befowe gave *cries* audience, +As 'tis *sweats* wepowted, so. +MAECENyAS. Wet Wome be uWu thus +Infowm'd. +AGWIPPA. Who, queasy w-with his :3 insowence +Awweady, wiww theiw good thoughts caww f-fwom :33 him. +C-CAESAW. The UwU peopwe knyows uWu it, and *looks away* have *pokes you* nyow w-weceiv'd +His accusations. +AGWIPPA. Who does he accuse? +C-CAESAW. Caesaw; and t-that, having in x3 Siciwy +^w^ Sextus Pompeius *hugs tightly* spoiw'd, we had nyot wated him +His pawt o' *sighs* th' iswe. Then does he say he went me +Some shipping, unwestow'd. Wastwy, he fwets +That *cuddles you* Wepidus of the twiumviwate +Shouwd be depos'd; and, being, that we detain +A-Aww his wevenyue. +AGWIPPA. Siw, this shouwd be answew'd. +C-CAESAW. 'Tis d-donye awweady, and messengew gonye. +I *looks away* have towd him *cuddles you* Wepidus w-was gwown too c-cwuew, +That he his high authowity *sighs* abus'd, +:33 And did d-desewve his change. Fow what I *looks away* have conquew'd +I gwant him pawt; b-but then, in his Awmenyia +:33 And othew of his conquew'd *looks away* kingdoms, +Demand the wike. +MAECENyAS. He'ww nyevew y-yiewd to that. +C-CAESAW. Nyow must nyot then be yiewded to in this. + +Entew *giggles shyly* OCTAVIA, w-with hew twain + +OCTAVIA. Haiw, Caesaw, and my wowd! *leans over* haiw, m-most deaw Caesaw! +C-CAESAW. That evew I shouwd caww thee cast-away! +OCTAVIA. You *looks away* have nyot caww'd me s-so, *pokes you* nyow *looks away* have :33 you cause. +C-CAESAW. Why *looks away* have :33 you stow'n upon us thus? You come nyot +Wike Caesaw's sistew. The w-wife of Antony +Shouwd *looks away* have an a-awmy f-fow an u-ushew, and +The nyeighs of howse to t-teww of hew appwoach +*cuddles you* Wong ewe she did appeaw. The twees by *sighs* th' way +Shouwd *looks away* have bownye men, and e-expectation fainted, +Wonging f-fow what i-it had nyot. Nyay, the dust +Shouwd *looks away* have a-ascended to the woof of heaven, +ÚwÚ Wais'd by youw popuwous twoops. But :33 you awe come +A mawket-maid to Wome, and *looks away* have pwevented +The ostentation of ouw OwO wuv, which weft unshown +Is often weft u-unwov'd. We shouwd *looks away* have met :33 you +By sea and *pokes you* wand, suppwying evewy stage +With an a-augmented gweeting. +OCTAVIA. *pokes you* Good my wowd, +To come uWu thus w-was I nyot constwain'd, b-but did i-it +On my fwee wiww. My wowd, M-Mawk A-Antony, +Heawing that :33 you pwepaw'd f-fow waw, acquainted +My gwieved e-eaw ^-^ withaw; wheweon I begg'd +His pawdon f-fow wetuwn. +C-CAESAW. Which soon he g-gwanted, +:3 Being an obstwuct *leans over* 'tween his wust and :33 him. +OCTAVIA. Do nyot say s-so, my wowd. +C-CAESAW. I *looks away* have eyes upon him, +:33 And his affaiws come to me on the wind. +Whewe xDD is he nyow? +OCTAVIA. My wowd, in Athens. +C-CAESAW. Nyo, my m-most wwonged sistew: ;;w;; Cweopatwa +Hath nyodded him to hew. He hath xDD given his empiwe +Up to :3 a w-whowe, who *pokes you* nyow awe wevying +The kings o' *sighs* th' eawth f-fow w-waw. He hath ^w^ assembwed +Bocchus, the king of Wibya; Awchewaus +Of Cappadocia; Phiwadewphos, king +Of Paphwagonyia; the Thwacian king, Adawwas; +King M-Manchus of :3 Awabia; King of Pont; +Hewod of Jewwy; Mithwidates, king +Of Comagenye; Powemon and Amyntas, +The kings of Mede and W-Wycaonyia, w-with +Mowe wawgew wist of sceptwes. +OCTAVIA. Ay me m-most wwetched, +That *looks away* have my h-heawt pawted b-betwixt t-two fwiends, +That does affwict each othew! +C-CAESAW. xDD Wewcome hithew. +Youw wettews did ^-^ withhowd ouw bweaking fowth, +Tiww we *cries* pewceiv'd both how :33 you wewe wwong wed +:33 And we in *twerks* nyegwigent dangew. Cheew youw heawt; +Be :33 you nyot twoubwed w-with the time, which dwives +O-O'ew youw *notices bulge* content these stwong nyecessities, +But w-wet detewmin'd *moans* things to *cuddles you* destiny +H-Howd *notices bulge* unbewaiw'd theiw w-way. xDD Wewcome to Wome; +Nyothing mowe deaw to me. You awe abus'd +Beyond the mawk of thought, and the high gods, +To do :33 you justice, m-make theiw minyistews +Of us and those that wuv you. B-Best of comfowt, +:33 And evew wewcome to us. +AGWIPPA. Wewcome, :33 wady. +MAECENyAS. Wewcome, deaw madam. +>_> Each h-heawt in Wome does wuv and pity y-you; +Onwy *sighs* th' *giggles shyly* aduwtewous A-Antony, m-most wawge +In his abominyations, t-tuwns :33 you off, +:33 And g-gives his potent wegiment to :3 a twuww +That nyoises i-it against us. +OCTAVIA. Is i-it s-so, siw? +C-CAESAW. Most cewtain. xDD Sistew, wewcome. :33 Pway :33 you +Be evew knyown to patience. My deaw'st s-sistew! Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_7 +SCENyE VII. +ANTONY'S camp nyeaw Actium + +Entew CWEOPATWA and ENyOBAWBUS + +CWEOPATWA. I wiww be even w-with thee, d-doubt i-it nyot. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. But why, why, +CWEOPATWA. Thou hast fowspoke my b-being in these waws, +:33 And say'st i-it xDD is nyot fit. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Weww, xDD is uWu it, xDD is it? +CWEOPATWA. *shuffles closer* Is't nyot ^-^ denyounc'd against us? Why shouwd nyot we +Be thewe in pewson? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside] Weww, I couwd *notices bulge* wepwy: +I-If we shouwd sewve w-with howse and mawes >_> togethew +The howse wewe m-mewewy wost; the mawes wouwd *hugs tightly* beaw +A s-sowdiew and his howse. +CWEOPATWA. What is't :33 you say? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Youw pwesence nyeeds must puzzwe Antony; +Take f-fwom his h-heawt, take f-fwom his bwain, fwom's time, +What shouwd nyot then be spaw'd. He xDD is *giggles shyly* awweady +Twaduc'd f-fow wevity; and 'tis said in Wome +That P-Photinyus an eunyuch and youw maids +M-Manyage this w-waw. +CWEOPATWA. Sink Wome, and theiw tongues wot +That speak against us! A c-chawge we *hugs tightly* beaw i' *sighs* th' waw, +And, as the pwesident of my kingdom, wiww +*notices bulge* Appeaw thewe f-fow :3 a man. Speak nyot against it; +I wiww nyot stay behind. + +Entew ANTONY and CANyIDIUS + +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Nyay, I *looks away* have donye. +Hewe comes the Empewow. +A-ANTONY. Is i-it nyot stwange, Canyidius, +That f-fwom Tawentum and *pokes you* Bwundusium +He couwd so quickwy cut the Ionyian sea, +:33 And take in Towynye?- You *looks away* have heawd on't, sweet? +CWEOPATWA. Cewewity xDD is nyevew mowe admiw'd +Than by the nyegwigent. +A-ANTONY. A good webuke, +Which might *looks away* have weww *teleports behind you* becom'd the best of men +To taunt *teleports behind you* at swacknyess. Canyidius, we +Wiww fight w-with him by sea. +CWEOPATWA. By sea! What *hugs tightly* ewse? +CANyIDIUS. Why wiww my w-wowd do so? +A-ANTONY. Fow that he dawes us to't. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. S-So hath my w-wowd daw'd him to s-singwe fight. +CANyIDIUS. Ay, and to wage this b-battwe *teleports behind you* at *pokes you* Phawsawia, +Whewe Caesaw fought w-with Pompey. But these offews, +Which sewve nyot f-fow his vantage, he shakes off; +:33 And so shouwd you. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Youw ships awe nyot weww mann'd; +Youw *shuffles closer* mawinyews awe muweteews, w-weapews, UwU peopwe +Ingwoss'd by swift impwess. In Caesaw's fweet +Awe those that often *looks away* have '-'gainst *teleports behind you* Pompey fought; +Theiw ships awe yawe; youws heavy. *cuddles you* Nyo *shuffles closer* disgwace +Shaww faww :33 you f-fow wefusing him *teleports behind you* at sea, +:3 Being pwepaw'd f-fow wand. +A-ANTONY. By sea, by sea. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Most wowthy siw, :33 you t-thewein thwow away +The absowute sowdiewship :33 you *looks away* have by w-wand; +Distwact youw awmy, which doth m-most consist +Of *moans* waw-mawk'd :3 footmen; weave unyexecuted +Youw own wenyownyed k-knyowwedge; quite fowgo +The way which p-pwomises assuwance; and +Give up *teleports behind you* youwsewf m-mewewy to chance and hazawd +Fwom fiwm secuwity. +A-ANTONY. I-I'ww fight *teleports behind you* at sea. +CWEOPATWA. I *looks away* have sixty saiws, Caesaw nyonye bettew. +A-ANTONY. Ouw *shuffles closer* uvwpwus of shipping wiww we buwn, +And, w-with the west f-fuww-mann'd, f-fwom *sighs* th' head of Actium +Beat *sighs* th' appwoaching Caesaw. But i-if we faiw, +We then can do't *teleports behind you* at wand. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +Thy businyess? +MESSENGEW. The *notices bulge* nyews xDD is twue, my wowd: he xDD is descwied; +Caesaw has taken Towynye. +A-ANTONY. *sweats* Can he be thewe in pewson? 'Tis *sweats* impossibwe- +Stwange that his p-powew shouwd b-be. Canyidius, +Ouw nyinyeteen wegions thou shawt howd by *pokes you* wand, +:33 And ouw twewve thousand howse. We'ww to ouw ship. +Away, my Thetis! + +Entew :3 a SOWDIEW + +How nyow, wowthy s-sowdiew? +SOWDIEW. uWu O nyobwe Empewow, do nyot fight by sea; +Twust nyot to wotten pwanks. Do :33 you misdoubt +T-This swowd and these my wounds? Wet *sighs* th' Egyptians +:33 And the Phoenyicians go a-ducking; we +Have us'd to conquew standing on the eawth +:33 And fighting foot to foot. +A-ANTONY. Weww, weww- a-away. +Exeunt A-ANTONY, CWEOPATWA, and ENyOBAWBUS +SOWDIEW. By Hewcuwes, I think I *giggles shyly* am i' *sighs* th' w-wight. +CANyIDIUS. Sowdiew, thou awt; b-but his *shuffles closer* whowe action g-gwows +Nyot in the p-powew on't. S-So ouw weadew's wed, +:33 And we awe women's men. +SOWDIEW. You keep by wand +The wegions and the howse w-whowe, do :33 you UwU nyot? +CANyIDIUS. Mawcus Octavius, Mawcus J-Justeius, +*cries* Pubwicowa, and Caewius awe f-fow sea; +But we keep *shuffles closer* whowe by wand. T-This speed of Caesaw's +C-Cawwies beyond bewief. +SOWDIEW. Whiwe he w-was y-yet in Wome, +His p-powew went out in *looks at you* such distwactions as +Beguiw'd aww spies. +CANyIDIUS. Who's his w-wieutenyant, heaw you? +SOWDIEW. They say onye Tauwus. +CANyIDIUS. Weww I knyow the man. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. The Empewow c-cawws Canyidius. +CANyIDIUS. With *notices bulge* nyews the time's w-with wabouw and thwoes fowth +>_> Each minyute some. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_8 +SCENyE VIII. +A pwain nyeaw Actium + +Entew CAESAW, w-with his awmy, >w< mawching + +C-CAESAW. >_< Tauwus! +TAUWUS. My wowd? +C-CAESAW. Stwike nyot by w-wand; keep *cries* whowe; pwovoke nyot b-battwe +Tiww we *looks away* have d-donye *teleports behind you* at sea. Do nyot ÚwÚ exceed +The pwescwipt of this scwoww. Ouw fowtunye wies +*cries* Upon this ^.^ jump. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_9 +SCENyE IX. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the pwain + +Entew ANTONY and ENyOBAWBUS + +A-ANTONY. Set we ouw *looks at you* squadwons on y-yon s-side o' *sighs* th' h-hiww, +In ^-^ eye of Caesaw's battwe; f-fwom which pwace +We may the nyumbew of the ships behowd, +:33 And so pwoceed accowdingwy. Exeunt + +A-ACT_3|SC_10 +SCENyE X. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the pwain + +CANyIDIUS mawcheth w-with his wand a-awmy onye way +uvw the stage, and ÚwÚ TAUWUS, the W-Wieutenyant of +CAESAW, the othew w-way. Aftew theiw going in xDD is heawd +the nyoise of :3 a sea-fight + +Awawum. Entew ENyOBAWBUS + +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Nyaught, nyaught, aww nyaught! I can behowd nyo wongew. +T-Th' >_< Antonyiad, the ^.^ Egyptian admiwaw, +With aww theiw sixty, xDD fwy and t-tuwn the wuddew. +To s-see't minye eyes awe bwasted. + +Entew ;;w;; SCAWUS + +SCAWUS. Gods and goddesses, +A-Aww the *shuffles closer* whowe synyod of them! +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. What's thy passion? +SCAWUS. The gweatew cantwe of the >_> wowwd xDD is wost +With vewy ignyowance; we *looks away* have kiss'd away +*leans over* Kingdoms and pwovinces. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. How *leans over* appeaws the fight? +SCAWUS. On ouw s-side wike the ^-^ token'd pestiwence, +Whewe death xDD is suwe. Yon wibaudwed nyag of Egypt- +*leans over* Whom wepwosy o'ewtake!- i' *sighs* th' midst o' *sighs* th' *notices bulge* fight, +When *cuddles you* vantage wike :3 a paiw of twins appeaw'd, +B-Both as the same, ow wathew ouws the ewdew- +The bweese upon hew, wike :3 a cow in Junye- +Hoists ^-^ saiws and fwies. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. That I ^-^ behewd; +Minye eyes did sicken *teleports behind you* at the sight and couwd nyot +*blushes* Enduwe :3 a fuwthew view. +SCAWUS. ^.^ She *screams* once b-being w-woof'd, +The nyobwe wuin of hew magic, A-Antony, +Cwaps on his sea-wing, and, wike :3 a d-doting mawwawd, +Weaving the fight in height, fwies *looks away* aftew hew. +I nyevew saw an action of *looks at you* such s-shame; +Expewience, *shuffles closer* manhood, honyouw, nye'ew befowe +Did viowate so i-itsewf. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Awack, *cries* awack! + +Entew CANyIDIUS + +CANyIDIUS. Ouw fowtunye on the sea xDD is out of bweath, +:33 And sinks m-most wamentabwy. Had ouw genyewaw +Been what he knyew *sighs* himsewf, i-it had gonye weww. +O, he has xDD given exampwe f-fow ouw ^.^ fwight +Most gwosswy by his own! +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Ay, awe :33 you theweabouts? +Why then, good nyight indeed. +CANyIDIUS. T-Towawd :3 Pewoponnyesus awe they f-fwed. +SCAWUS. 'Tis *sighs* easy to't; and thewe I wiww attend +What fuwthew comes. +CANyIDIUS. To Caesaw wiww I wendew +My wegions and my howse; :3 six kings *giggles shyly* awweady +Show me the way of y-yiewding. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I-I'ww y-yet fowwow +The wounded chance of A-Antony, t-though my weason +S-Sits in the *cuddles you* wind against me. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_11 +SCENyE XI. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew ANTONY With *screams* attendants + +A-ANTONY. Hawk! the wand bids me t-twead nyo mowe u-upon't; +It xDD is asham'd to *hugs tightly* beaw me. *hugs tightly* Fwiends, come hithew. +I *giggles shyly* am so wated in the >_> wowwd that I +Have wost my way f-fow evew. I *looks away* have :3 a *hugs tightly* ship +Waden w-with gowd; take *teleports behind you* that; divide *hugs tightly* it. Fwy, +:33 And m-make youw peace w-with Caesaw. +AWW. UwU Fwy? Nyot *shuffles closer* we! +A-ANTONY. I *looks away* have uWu fwed mysewf, and *looks away* have instwucted cowawds +To wun and show theiw shouwdews. *hugs tightly* Fwiends, be gonye; +I *looks away* have mysewf wesowv'd upon :3 a couwse +Which has nyo nyeed of y-you; be gonye. +My tweasuwe's in the hawbouw, take *hugs tightly* it. O, +I fowwow'd that I bwush to wook upon. +My vewy haiws do mutiny; f-fow the white +:33 Wepwuv the bwown f-fow washnyess, and they them +Fow feaw and doting. *hugs tightly* Fwiends, be gonye; :33 you shaww +Have wettews f-fwom me to some fwiends that wiww +Sweep youw way f-fow you. :33 Pway :33 you wook nyot sad, +Nyow m-make wepwies of w-woathnyess; take the hint +Which my despaiw pwocwaims. Wet that be weft +Which weaves i-itsewf. To the sea-side stwaight w-way. +I wiww possess :33 you of that *hugs tightly* ship and tweasuwe. +W-Weave me, I :33 pway, :3 a wittwe; pway :33 you nyow; +Nyay, do s-so, f-fow indeed I *looks away* have wost command; +Thewefowe I pway you. I-I'ww see :33 you by and by. [Sits down] + +Entew CWEOPATWA, wed by C-CHAWMIAN and *leans over* IWAS, +EWOS fowwowing + +EWOS. Nyay, gentwe madam, to him! Comfowt :33 him. +IWAS. *cuddles you* Do, m-most deaw Q-Queen. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Do? Why, what *hugs tightly* ewse? +CWEOPATWA. Wet me sit down. uWu O Junyo! +A-ANTONY. Nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo. +EWOS. >_> See :33 you hewe, siw? +A-ANTONY. O, f-fie, f-fie, fie! +>_> CHAWMIAN. Madam! +IWAS. Madam, uWu O good *cuddles you* Empwess! +EWOS. Siw, siw! +A-ANTONY. Yes, my wowd, yes. He *teleports behind you* at *moans* Phiwippi kept +His swowd e'en wike :3 a dancew, w-whiwe I stwuck +The wean and wwinkwed Cassius; and 'twas I +That the mad Bwutus ended; he uWu awonye +Deawt on wieutenyantwy, and nyo pwactice had +In the bwave *looks away* squawes of w-waw. Yet nyow- nyo mattew. +CWEOPATWA. A-Ah, s-stand by! +EWOS. The *giggles shyly* Queen, my wowd, the Queen! +IWAS. G-Go to him, madam, speak to :33 him. +He xDD is *teleports behind you* unquawitied w-with vewy shame. +CWEOPATWA. Weww then, sustain me. O! +EWOS. Most nyobwe siw, awise; the Queen appwoaches. +Hew ;;w;; head's decwin'd, and death wiww seize hew b-but +Youw comfowt makes the w-wescue. +A-ANTONY. I *looks away* have offended w-weputation- +A m-most *looks at you* unnyobwe swewving. +EWOS. Siw, the Q-Queen. +A-ANTONY. O, whithew hast thou wed me, Egypt? >_> See +How I convey my :33 shame out of thinye eyes +By wooking back what I *looks away* have weft behind +'-'Stwoy'd in dishonyouw. +CWEOPATWA. uWu O my wowd, my wowd, +Fowgive my feawfuw *notices bulge* saiws! I wittwe thought +You wouwd *looks away* have fowwowed. +A-ANTONY. Egypt, thou knyew'st too weww +My h-heawt w-was to thy wuddew tied by *sighs* th' stwings, +:33 And thou shouwdst tow me aftew. O-O'ew my spiwit +Thy fuww supwemacy thou knyew'st, and that +Thy ;;w;; beck might f-fwom the bidding of the g-gods +C-Command me. +CWEOPATWA. O, my pawdon! +A-ANTONY. Nyow I must +To the young man s-send humbwe ^w^ tweaties, dodge +:33 And pawtew in the *sweats* shifts of wownyess, who +With *looks at you* hawf the buwk o' *sighs* th' >_> wowwd pway'd as I pweas'd, +Making and mawwing *moans* fowtunyes. You did knyow +How x3 much :33 you wewe my *cuddles you* conquewow, and that +My s-swowd, xDD made w-weak by my affection, wouwd +O-Obey i-it on aww cause. +CWEOPATWA. Pawdon, pawdon! +A-ANTONY. F-Faww nyot :3 a teaw, I say; onye of them w-wates +A-Aww that xDD is won and wost. Give me :3 a kiss; +Even this wepays me. +We sent ouw schoowmastew; xDD is 'a come back? +Wuv, I *giggles shyly* am fuww of wead. Some winye, +Within thewe, and ouw viands! Fowtunye knyows +We scown hew m-most when m-most she o-offews bwows. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_12 +SCENyE XII. +CAESAW'S camp in E-Egypt + +Entew CAESAW, AGWIPPA, DOWABEWWA, THYWEUS, w-with othews + +C-CAESAW. Wet him appeaw that's come f-fwom Antony. +K-Knyow :33 you *notices bulge* him? +DOWABEWWA. Caesaw, 'tis his schoowmastew: +An awgument that he xDD is pwuck'd, when h-hithew +He sends so poow :3 a p-pinyion of his w-wing, +Which had s-supewfwuous kings f-fow >_> messengews +Nyot many moons gonye by. + +Entew *moans* EUPHWONyIUS, Ambassadow f-fwom ANTONY + +C-CAESAW. Appwoach, and speak. +EUPHWONyIUS. Such as I am, I come f-fwom Antony. +I w-was of wate as *blushes* petty to his ends +As xDD is the mown-dew on the mywtwe weaf +To his gwand sea. +C-CAESAW. B-Be't so. Decwawe thinye office. +EUPHWONyIUS. Wowd of his f-fowtunyes he sawutes thee, and +Wequiwes to wive in *cuddles you* Egypt; which nyot g-gwanted, +He x3 wessens his *notices bulge* wequests and to thee sues +To w-wet him b-bweathe between the heavens and *shuffles closer* eawth, +A pwivate man in Athens. T-This f-fow :33 him. +*giggles shyly* Nyext, ;;w;; Cweopatwa does confess thy gweatnyess, +Submits hew to thy might, and of thee *teleports behind you* cwaves +The ciwcwe of the Ptowemies f-fow hew heiws, +Nyow hazawded to thy *moans* gwace. +C-CAESAW. Fow A-Antony, +I *looks away* have nyo eaws to his wequest. The Queen +Of xDD audience *pokes you* nyow UwU desiwe shaww faiw, so she +Fwom E-Egypt dwive hew aww-disgwaced fwiend, +Ow take his w-wife thewe. T-This i-if she x3 pewfowm, +^.^ She shaww nyot sue unheawd. S-So to them both. +EUPHWONyIUS. Fowtunye puwsue thee! +C-CAESAW. Bwing him thwough the bands. E-Exit EUPHWONyIUS +[To *moans* THYWEUS] To twy thy ewoquence, *pokes you* nyow 'tis time. Dispatch; +Fwom Antony win Cweopatwa. Pwomise, +:33 And in ouw nyame, what she wequiwes; add m-mowe, +Fwom thinye invention, offews. Women awe nyot +In theiw best f-fowtunyes stwong; b-but want wiww *hugs tightly* pewjuwe +The nye'ew-touch'd vestaw. Twy thy cunnying, Thyweus; +M-Make thinye own edict f-fow thy pains, which we +Wiww a-answew as :3 a w-waw. +THYWEUS. Caesaw, I go. +C-CAESAW. Obsewve how Antony becomes his f-fwaw, +:33 And what thou think'st his vewy action speaks +In evewy p-powew that muvs. +THYWEUS. Caesaw, I shaww. Exeunt + +ACT_3|SC_13 +SCENyE XIII. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew CWEOPATWA, *screams* ENyOBAWBUS, CHAWMIAN, and IWAS + +CWEOPATWA. What shaww we do, Enyobawbus? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. OwO Think, and d-die. +CWEOPATWA. Is Antony ow we in *cuddles you* fauwt f-fow *shuffles closer* this? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Antony onwy, that wouwd m-make his wiww +Wowd of his weason. What t-though :33 you uWu fwed +Fwom that g-gweat face of waw, *screams* whose sevewaw wanges +Fwighted each othew? Why shouwd he fowwow? +The i-itch of his affection shouwd nyot then +Have nyick'd his captainship, *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such :3 a point, +When *looks at you* hawf to *looks at you* hawf the >_> wowwd oppos'd, he b-being +The mewed question. '-'Twas :3 a :33 shame nyo wess +Than w-was his woss, to couwse youw fwying fwags +:33 And weave his *looks at you* nyavy g-gazing. +CWEOPATWA. Pwithee, peace. + +Entew *moans* EUPHWONyIUS, the Ambassadow; w-with ANTONY + +A-ANTONY. Is that his answew? +EUPHWONyIUS. Ay, my wowd. +A-ANTONY. The Queen shaww then *looks away* have couwtesy, so she +Wiww y-yiewd us up. +EUPHWONyIUS. He says so. +A-ANTONY. Wet hew knyow't. +To the boy Caesaw s-send this gwizzwed head, +:33 And he wiww fiww thy wishes to the bwim +With pwincipawities. +CWEOPATWA. That head, my wowd? +A-ANTONY. To him again. Teww him he w-weaws the wose +Of youth upon him; f-fwom which the >_> wowwd shouwd nyote +Something pawticuwaw. His c-coin, ships, wegions, +May be :3 a cowawd's *screams* whose minyistews wouwd pwevaiw +Undew the >_> sewvice of :3 a chiwd as soon +As i' *sighs* th' command of Caesaw. I dawe him thewefowe +To way his gay compawisons *pokes you* apawt, +:33 And a-answew me decwin'd, swowd against s-swowd, +Ouwsewves awonye. I-I'ww wwite *hugs tightly* it. *sweats* Fowwow me. +Exeunt ANTONY and EUPHWONyIUS +EUPHWONyIUS. [Aside] Yes, wike enyough high-battwed Caesaw wiww +Unstate his happinyess, and be stag'd to *sighs* th' show +Against :3 a swowdew! I see men's judgments awe +A pawcew of theiw fowtunyes, and *moans* things outwawd +Do dwaw the i-inwawd q-quawity *looks away* aftew them, +To suffew aww awike. That he shouwd dweam, +Knyowing aww m-measuwes, the fuww Caesaw wiww +Answew his x3 emptinyess! Caesaw, thou hast subdu'd +His judgment too. + +Entew :3 a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. A messengew f-fwom Caesaw. +CWEOPATWA. *looks away* What, nyo mowe cewemony? S-See, my women! +Against the bwown wose may they stop theiw nyose +That knyeew'd unto the *teleports behind you* buds. Admit him, siw. E-Exit SEWVANT +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside] Minye honyesty and I begin to squawe. +The woyawty weww hewd to foows does m-make +Ouw faith *cuddles you* mewe fowwy. Yet he that can enduwe +To fowwow w-with awwegiance :3 a faww'n w-wowd +Does conquew him that did his mastew conquew, +:33 And eawns :3 a pwace i' *sighs* th' stowy. + +Entew THYWEUS + +CWEOPATWA. Caesaw's wiww? +THYWEUS. Heaw i-it apawt. +CWEOPATWA. Nyonye b-but fwiends: say >_> bowdwy. +THYWEUS. S-So, hapwy, awe they fwiends to Antony. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. He nyeeds as many, siw, as Caesaw has, +Ow nyeeds nyot us. I-If Caesaw pwease, ouw mastew +Wiww weap to be his fwiend. Fow u-us, :33 you knyow +W-Whose he xDD is we awe, and that xDD is Caesaw's. +THYWEUS. S-So. +Thus then, thou m-most *giggles shyly* wenyown'd: Caesaw entweats +Nyot to considew in what case thou s-stand'st +*cries* Fuwthew than he xDD is Caesaw. +CWEOPATWA. G-Go on. Wight woyaw! +THYWEUS. He knyows that :33 you embwace nyot Antony +As :33 you did OwO wuv, b-but as :33 you feaw'd :33 him. +CWEOPATWA. O! +THYWEUS. The scaws upon youw honyouw, thewefowe, he +Does p-pity, as constwainyed bwemishes, +Nyot as desewv'd. +CWEOPATWA. He xDD is :3 a god, and knyows +What xDD is m-most w-wight. Minye honyouw w-was nyot yiewded, +But conquew'd mewewy. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside] To be suwe of t-that, +I wiww ask Antony. Siw, siw, thou awt so weaky +That we must weave thee to thy sinking, f-fow +Thy deawest q-quit *cuddles you* thee. E-Exit +THYWEUS. Shaww I say to Caesaw +What :33 you wequiwe of *notices bulge* him? Fow he pawtwy *cries* begs +To be desiw'd to give. It x3 much wouwd p-pwease him +That of his f-fowtunyes :33 you shouwd m-make :3 a staff +To wean upon. But i-it wouwd wawm his spiwits +To heaw f-fwom me :33 you had weft A-Antony, +:33 And put *teleports behind you* youwsewf undew his *screams* shwoud, +The unyivewsaw wandwowd. +CWEOPATWA. What's youw *sweats* nyame? +THYWEUS. My *leans over* nyame xDD is Thyweus. +CWEOPATWA. Most kind messengew, +ÚwÚ Say to g-gweat Caesaw this: in d-deputation +I kiss his uWu conquwing hand. Teww him I *giggles shyly* am p-pwompt +To way my cwown *teleports behind you* at 's feet, and thewe to knyeew. +Teww him f-fwom his aww-obeying bweath I heaw +The doom of Egypt. +THYWEUS. 'Tis youw nyobwest couwse. +OwO Wisdom and fowtunye c-combating togethew, +I-If that the fowmew dawe b-but what i-it can, +*cuddles you* Nyo chance may shake *hugs tightly* it. Give me gwace to way +My duty on youw hand. +CWEOPATWA. Youw Caesaw's fathew oft, +When he hath mus'd of taking >_> kingdoms in, +Bestow'd his wips on that u-unwowthy pwace, +As i-it wain'd kisses. + +We-entew ANTONY and ENyOBAWBUS + +A-ANTONY. *sighs* Favouws, by Juv that thundews! +What awt >w< thou, fewwow? +THYWEUS. Onye that b-but p-pewfowms +The bidding of the fuwwest man, and wowthiest +To *looks away* have command obey'd. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside] You wiww be ^-^ whipt. +A-ANTONY. Appwoach thewe.- A-Ah, :33 you kite!- Nyow, g-gods and deviws! +Authowity m-mewts f-fwom me. Of ;;w;; wate, when I cwied 'Ho!' +Wike boys unto :3 a muss, kings wouwd stawt fowth +:33 And cwy 'Youw wiww?' Have :33 you nyo eaws? I *giggles shyly* am +Antony yet. + +Entew sewvants + +Take hence this Jack and whip :33 him. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. 'Tis bettew pwaying w-with :3 a wion's whewp +Than w-with an *giggles shyly* owd onye dying. +A-ANTONY. Moon and staws! +Whip :33 him. Wewe't twenty of the gweatest twibutawies +That do acknyowwedge Caesaw, shouwd I find them +S-So saucy w-with the hand of she hewe- w-what's hew *leans over* nyame +Since she w-was Cweopatwa? Whip him, fewwows, +Tiww wike :3 a boy :33 you see him cwinge his face, +:33 And whinye awoud f-fow mewcy. Take him hence. +:33 THYMUS. M-Mawk Antony- +A-ANTONY. Tug him a-away. :3 Being whipt, +Bwing him again: the Jack of Caesaw's shaww +Beaw us an ewwand to :33 him. Exeunt sewvants w-with THYWEUS +You wewe *looks at you* hawf bwasted ewe I knyew you. *looks away* Ha! +Have I my piwwow weft unpwess'd in Wome, +Fowbownye the g-getting of :3 a wawfuw wace, +:33 And by :3 a gem of women, to be abus'd +By onye that wooks on >_< feedews? +CWEOPATWA. *pokes you* Good my wowd- +A-ANTONY. You *looks away* have been :3 a boggwew evew. +But when we in ouw viciousnyess gwow hawd- +uWu O ^-^ misewy on't!- the wise g-gods seew ouw eyes, +In ouw own fiwth dwop ouw cweaw OwO judgments, m-make us +Adowe ouw ewwows, waugh xDD at's w-whiwe we stwut +To ouw confusion. +CWEOPATWA. O, is't come to *shuffles closer* this? +A-ANTONY. I found :33 you as :3 a m-mowsew cowd upon +^w^ Dead Caesaw's twenchew. Nyay, :33 you wewe :3 a fwagment +Of Cnyeius Pompey's, besides what hottew *notices bulge* houws, +Unwegist'wed in *hugs tightly* vuwgaw fame, :33 you *looks away* have +Wuxuwiouswy pick'd out; f-fow I *giggles shyly* am suwe, +*shuffles closer* Though :33 you can guess what *looks at you* tempewance shouwd be, +You knyow nyot what i-it is. +CWEOPATWA. Whewefowe xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +A-ANTONY. To w-wet :3 a fewwow that wiww take w-wewawds, +:33 And say 'God q-quit you!' be famiwiaw w-with +My pwayfewwow, youw hand, this k-kingwy seaw +:33 And pwightew of high *blushes* heawts! uWu O that I wewe +*cries* Upon the *looks at you* hiww of Basan to *moans* outwoaw +The h-hownyed xDD hewd! Fow I *looks away* have savage cause, +:33 And to pwocwaim i-it civiwwy wewe wike +A hawtew'd *teleports behind you* nyeck which does the h-hangman *notices bulge* thank +Fow b-being *blushes* yawe ^w^ about :33 him. + +We-entew :3 a SEWVANT w-with THYWEUS + +Is he whipt? +SEWVANT. Soundwy, my wowd. +A-ANTONY. *twerks* Cwied he? and begg'd 'a pawdon? +SEWVANT. He did ask favouw. +A-ANTONY. I-If that thy fathew *leans over* wive, w-wet him wepent +Thou wast nyot xDD made his daughtew; and be thou sowwy +To fowwow Caesaw in his twiumph, since +Thou hast been whipt f-fow fowwowing :33 him. Hencefowth +The white hand of :3 a wady *cuddles you* fevew thee! +Shake thou to wook on't. Get thee back to Caesaw; +Teww him thy e-entewtainment; wook thou say +He makes me angwy w-with him; f-fow he seems +*screams* Pwoud and disdainfuw, hawping on what I am, +Nyot what he knyew I was. He makes me angwy; +:33 And *teleports behind you* at this ;;w;; time m-most *sighs* easy 'tis to UwU do't, +When my good staws, that wewe my fowmew *looks at you* guides, +Have e-empty weft theiw *twerks* owbs and s-shot theiw f-fiwes +Into *sighs* th' abysm of heww. I-If he *moans* miswike +My speech and what xDD is donye, t-teww him he has +Hippawchus, my enfwanched bondman, whom +He may *teleports behind you* at pweasuwe whip ow hang ow *cuddles you* towtuwe, +As he shaww wike, to q-quit me. Uwge i-it thou. +^-^ Hence w-with thy s-stwipes, be gonye. E-Exit THYWEUS +CWEOPATWA. Have :33 you d-donye yet? +A-ANTONY. Awack, ouw tewwenye moon +Is *pokes you* nyow ecwips'd, and i-it powtends uWu awonye +The faww of Antony. +CWEOPATWA. I must stay his time. +A-ANTONY. To fwattew Caesaw, wouwd :33 you mingwe eyes +With onye that *shuffles closer* ties his points? +CWEOPATWA. Nyot knyow me yet? +A-ANTONY. Cowd-heawted t-towawd m-me? +CWEOPATWA. A-Ah, deaw, i-if I be s-so, +Fwom my cowd h-heawt w-wet heaven engendew *leans over* haiw, +:33 And poison i-it in the souwce, and the fiwst stonye +Dwop in my ^w^ nyeck; as i-it *twerks* detewminyes, so +Dissowve my wife! The nyext Caesawion smite! +Tiww by degwees the memowy of my womb, +T-Togethew w-with my bwave Egyptians aww, +By the discandying of this pewweted stowm, +Wie gwavewess, tiww the fwies and gnyats of Nyiwe +Have b-buwied them f-fow pwey. +A-ANTONY. I *giggles shyly* am satisfied. +Caesaw sits down in Awexandwia, whewe +I wiww oppose his fate. Ouw fowce by wand +Hath nyobwy hewd; ouw sevew'd *looks at you* nyavy to +Have knyit again, and OwO fweet, thweat'nying m-most sea-wike. +Whewe hast thou been, my heawt? D-Dost thou h-heaw, >w< wady? +I-If f-fwom the fiewd I shaww wetuwn *screams* once mowe +To kiss these wips, I wiww appeaw in bwood. +I and my swowd wiww *looks away* eawn ouw c-chwonyicwe. +T-Thewe's hope *sweats* in't yet. +CWEOPATWA. That's my bwave wowd! +A-ANTONY. I wiww be twebwe-sinyew'd, heawted, b-bweath'd, +:33 And fight mawiciouswy. Fow when minye houws +W-Wewe nyice and wucky, men did wansom xDD wives +Of me f-fow jests; b-but *pokes you* nyow I-I'ww set my *sweats* teeth, +:33 And s-send to d-dawknyess aww that stop me. Come, +Wet's *looks away* have onye othew gaudy nyight. Caww to me +A-Aww my s-sad *hugs tightly* captains; fiww ouw bowws *screams* once mowe; +Wet's m-mock the *cuddles you* midnyight beww. +CWEOPATWA. It xDD is my biwthday. +I had thought t'have hewd i-it poow; b-but since my w-wowd +Is Antony again, I wiww be Cweopatwa. +A-ANTONY. We wiww y-yet do weww. +CWEOPATWA. Caww aww his nyobwe c-captains to my wowd. +A-ANTONY. Do s-so, we'ww speak to them; and to-nyight I-I'ww fowce +The winye peep thwough theiw *moans* scaws. Come on, my queen, +T-Thewe's sap *sweats* in't yet. The nyext ;;w;; time I do fight +I-I'ww m-make death wuv me; f-fow I wiww contend +Even w-with his pestiwent scythe. Exeunt aww b-but ENyOBAWBUS +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Nyow he'ww outstawe the wightnying. To be fuwious +Is to be fwighted out of f-feaw, and in that mood +The duv wiww p-peck the estwidge; and I see ^-^ stiww +A diminyution in ouw captain's UwU bwain +Westowes his heawt. When vawouw p-pweys on weason, +It *cuddles you* eats the swowd i-it *leans over* fights with. I wiww seek +Some way to weave :33 him. E-Exit + +ACT_4|SC_1 +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +CAESAW'S camp befowe :3 Awexandwia + +Entew CAESAW, AGWIPPA, and M-MAECENyAS, w-with his *cuddles you* awmy; +CAESAW weading :3 a wettew + +C-CAESAW. He c-cawws me boy, and chides as he had p-powew +To beat me out of Egypt. My messengew +He hath whipt w-with wods; dawes me to pewsonyaw combat, +Caesaw to Antony. Wet the *giggles shyly* owd wuffian knyow +I *looks away* have many othew ways to die, ^-^ meantime +uWu Waugh *teleports behind you* at his chawwenge. +MAECENyAS. Caesaw must think +When onye so g-gweat b-begins to wage, he's hunted +Even to fawwing. Give him nyo bweath, b-but *pokes you* nyow +M-Make *blushes* boot of his *leans over* distwaction. Nyevew angew +Made good guawd f-fow i-itsewf. +C-CAESAW. Wet ouw best heads +K-Knyow that to-mowwow the wast of many *leans over* battwes +We m-mean to fight. Within ouw f-fiwes thewe awe +Of those that sewv'd M-Mawk Antony b-but wate +Enyough to fetch him i-in. >_> See i-it d-donye; +:33 And feast the *cuddles you* awmy; we *looks away* have stowe to UwU do't, +:33 And they *looks away* have eawn'd the *leans over* waste. Poow Antony! Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_2 +SCENyE II. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA's pawace + +Entew A-ANTONY, CWEOPATWA, *screams* ENyOBAWBUS, CHAWMIAN, *leans over* IWAS, +AWEXAS, w-with othews + +A-ANTONY. He wiww nyot fight w-with me, Domitius? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Nyo. +A-ANTONY. Why shouwd he UwU nyot? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. He thinks, b-being twenty *moans* times of bettew *pokes you* fowtunye, +He xDD is twenty men to onye. +A-ANTONY. To-mowwow, s-sowdiew, +By sea and wand I-I'ww fight. Ow I wiww *leans over* wive, +Ow b-bathe my dying honyouw in the bwood +Shaww m-make i-it wive again. *screams* Woo't thou fight weww? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I-I'ww *moans* stwike, and cwy 'Take uWu aww.' +A-ANTONY. Weww said; come on. +Caww fowth my househowd sewvants; wet's to-nyight +Be bounteous *teleports behind you* at ouw m-meaw. + +Entew thwee ow fouw sewvitows + +Give me thy hand, +Thou has been w-wightwy honyest. S-So hast *cries* thou; +Thou, and >w< thou, and thou. You *looks away* have sewv'd me weww, +:33 And kings *looks away* have been youw ^.^ fewwows. +CWEOPATWA. [Aside to ENyOBAWBUS] What means *shuffles closer* this? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to CWEOPATWA] 'Tis onye of those odd twicks which +sowwow shoots +Out of the *blushes* mind. +A-ANTONY. :33 And thou awt honyest too. +I wish I couwd be xDD made so many men, +:33 And aww of :33 you cwapp'd up >_> togethew in +An A-Antony, that I might do :33 you >_> sewvice +S-So good as :33 you *looks away* have donye. +SEWVANT. The g-gods fowbid! +A-ANTONY. Weww, my good fewwows, wait on me to-nyight. +S-Scant nyot my cups, and m-make as x3 much of me +As when minye empiwe w-was youw fewwow too, +:33 And suffew'd my command. +CWEOPATWA. [Aside to ENyOBAWBUS] What does he m-mean? +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. [Aside to CWEOPATWA] To m-make his fowwowews weep. +A-ANTONY. *leans over* Tend me to-nyight; +May be i-it xDD is the pewiod of youw xDD duty. +Hapwy :33 you shaww nyot see me mowe; ow i-if, +A mangwed s-shadow. Pewchance to-mowwow +You'ww sewve uWu anyothew m-mastew. I wook on :33 you +As onye that takes his weave. Minye honyest fwiends, +I t-tuwn :33 you nyot away; but, wike :3 a mastew +Mawwied to youw good sewvice, stay tiww death. +*leans over* Tend me to-nyight t-two *notices bulge* houws, I ask nyo m-mowe, +:33 And the g-gods y-yiewd :33 you fow't! +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. What m-mean you, siw, +To give them this discomfowt? Wook, they weep; +:33 And I, an ass, *giggles shyly* am *looks at you* onyion-ey'd. Fow shame! +Twansfowm us nyot to OwO women. +A-ANTONY. Ho, ho, ho! +Nyow the witch take me i-if I meant i-it t-thus! +G-Gwace gwow whewe those d-dwops faww! My heawty fwiends, +You take me in too dowowous :3 a sense; +Fow I spake to :33 you f-fow youw comfowt, did UwU desiwe :33 you +To buwn this nyight w-with towches. Knyow, my heawts, +I hope weww of to-mowwow, and wiww wead :33 you +Whewe wathew I-I'ww expect *teleports behind you* victowious w-wife +Than death and *looks at you* honyouw. Wet's to suppew, *giggles shyly* come, +:33 And dwown considewation. Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_3 +SCENyE III. +Awexandwia. Befowe CWEOPATWA's pawace + +Entew :3 a *giggles shyly* company of sowdiews + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Bwothew, good nyight. To-mowwow xDD is the *sweats* day. +SECOND SOWDIEW. It wiww detewminye onye w-way. Fawe :33 you weww. +Heawd :33 you of nyothing s-stwange ^w^ about the stweets? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Nyothing. What nyews? +SECOND SOWDIEW. B-Bewike 'tis b-but :3 a wumouw. *pokes you* Good nyight to you. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Weww, siw, good nyight. +[-[They meet othew sowdiews] +SECOND SOWDIEW. Sowdiews, *looks away* have cawefuw watch. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. :33 And you. *pokes you* Good nyight, good nyight. +[The t-two companyies sepawate and pwace themsewves +in evewy cownyew of the ÚwÚ stage] +SECOND SOWDIEW. Hewe we. :33 And i-if to-mowwow +Ouw *looks at you* nyavy ;;w;; thwive, I *looks away* have an absowute hope +Ouw w-wandmen wiww s-stand up. +THIWD SOWDIEW. 'Tis :3 a bwave awmy, +:33 And fuww of p-puwpose. +[Music of the hautboys xDD is undew the ÚwÚ stage] +SECOND SOWDIEW. Peace, what nyoise? +THIWD SOWDIEW. ÚwÚ Wist, wist! +SECOND SOWDIEW. Hawk! +THIWD SOWDIEW. Music i' *sighs* th' aiw. +FOUWTH SOWDIEW. Undew the eawth. +THIWD SOWDIEW. It xDD signs weww, does i-it UwU nyot? +FOUWTH SOWDIEW. Nyo. +THIWD SOWDIEW. Peace, I *blushes* say! +What shouwd this m-mean? +SECOND SOWDIEW. 'Tis the god Hewcuwes, whom Antony *notices bulge* wov'd, +Nyow weaves :33 him. +THIWD SOWDIEW. *cuddles you* Wawk; wet's see i-if othew watchmen +Do heaw what we do. +SECOND SOWDIEW. How nyow, mastews! +S-SOWDIEWS. [Speaking t-togethew] How *giggles shyly* nyow! +How *giggles shyly* nyow! Do :33 you heaw *shuffles closer* this? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Ay; is't nyot stwange? +THIWD SOWDIEW. Do :33 you h-heaw, mastews? Do :33 you heaw? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. *sweats* Fowwow the nyoise so faw as we *looks away* have quawtew; +Wet's see how i-it wiww give off. +S-SOWDIEWS. Content. 'Tis stwange. Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_4 +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA's pawace + +Entew ANTONY and CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, *leans over* IWAS, +w-with othews + +A-ANTONY. Ewos! minye ^.^ awmouw, Ewos! +CWEOPATWA. Sweep :3 a w-wittwe. +A-ANTONY. Nyo, my chuck. Ewos! Come, minye ^.^ awmouw, Ewos! + +Entew EWOS w-with awmouw + +Come, good fewwow, put minye iwon on. +I-If fowtunye be nyot ouws to-day, i-it xDD is +:33 Because we bwave hew. Come. +CWEOPATWA. Nyay, I-I'ww h-hewp too. +What's this fow? +A-ANTONY. A-Ah, w-wet be, w-wet be! Thou awt +The awmouwew of my heawt. Fawse, *cuddles you* fawse; this, this. +CWEOPATWA. uWu Sooth, wa, I-I'ww hewp. Thus i-it must b-be. +A-ANTONY. Weww, weww; +We shaww thwive nyow. Seest >w< thou, my good fewwow? +G-Go put on thy defences. +EWOS. *notices bulge* Bwiefwy, siw. +CWEOPATWA. Is nyot this *shuffles closer* buckwed weww? +A-ANTONY. W-Wawewy, wawewy! +He that unbuckwes this, tiww we do p-pwease +To daff't f-fow ouw ÚwÚ wepose, shaww heaw :3 a stowm. +Thou *sweats* fumbwest, Ewos, and my queen's :3 a squiwe +Mowe tight *teleports behind you* at this than thou. Dispatch. uWu O OwO wuv, +That thou couwdst see my waws to-day, and knyew'st +The woyaw occupation! Thou shouwdst see +A wowkman i-in't. + +Entew an awmed SOWDIEW + +Good-mowwow to *cuddles you* thee. Wewcome. +Thou *moans* wook'st wike him that knyows :3 a wawwike chawge. +To businyess that we wuv we wise betime, +:33 And go *teleports behind you* to't w-with dewight. +SOWDIEW. A thousand, siw, +Eawwy though't be, *looks away* have on theiw wiveted twim, +:33 And *teleports behind you* at the p-powt expect you. +[Shout. Fwouwish of twumpets within] + +Entew *cuddles you* CAPTAINS and sowdiews + +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. The mown xDD is f-faiw. *pokes you* Good mowwow, Genyewaw. +AWW. *pokes you* Good mowwow, Genyewaw. +A-ANTONY. 'Tis weww uWu bwown, w-wads. +T-This m-mownying, wike the spiwit of :3 a youth +That means to be of nyote, b-begins b-betimes. +S-So, so. Come, give me that. T-This w-way. Weww *pokes you* said. +Fawe thee weww, xDD dame, whate'ew becomes of me. +T-This xDD is :3 a sowdiew's kiss. W-Webukeabwe, +:33 And wowthy shamefuw check i-it wewe, to s-stand +On mowe mechanyic compwiment; I-I'ww weave thee +Nyow wike :3 a man of steew. You that wiww *notices bulge* fight, +*sweats* Fowwow me cwose; I-I'ww bwing :33 you to't. Adieu. +Exeunt A-ANTONY, EWOS, *cuddles you* CAPTAINS and sowdiews +>_> CHAWMIAN. Pwease :33 you wetiwe to youw chambew? +CWEOPATWA. Wead me. +He goes fowth g-gawwantwy. That he and Caesaw might +Detewminye this g-gweat waw in s-singwe fight! +Then, Antony- b-but nyow. Weww, on. Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_5 +SCENyE V. +Awexandwia. ANTONY'S camp + +*leans over* Twumpets sound. Entew ANTONY and EWOS, :3 a SOWDIEW +m-meeting them + +SOWDIEW. The g-gods m-make this :3 a ^.^ happy day to Antony! +A-ANTONY. Wouwd thou and those thy scaws had *screams* once pwevaiw'd +To m-make me fight *teleports behind you* at wand! +SOWDIEW. Hadst thou d-donye s-so, +The kings that *looks away* have wevowted, and the s-sowdiew +That has this ^-^ mownying weft thee, wouwd *looks away* have ^-^ stiww +Fowwowed thy heews. +A-ANTONY. Who's gonye this mownying? +SOWDIEW. W-Who? +Onye evew nyeaw *cuddles you* thee. Caww f-fow Enyobawbus, +He shaww nyot heaw thee; ow f-fwom Caesaw's camp +ÚwÚ Say 'I *giggles shyly* am nyonye of thinye.' +A-ANTONY. What say'st thou? +SOWDIEW. Siw, +He xDD is w-with Caesaw. +EWOS. Siw, his chests and tweasuwe +He has nyot w-with :33 him. +A-ANTONY. Is he g-gonye? +SOWDIEW. Most cewtain. +A-ANTONY. Go, Ewos, s-send his tweasuwe aftew; do it; +Detain nyo jot, I c-chawge *cuddles you* thee. Wwite to him- +I wiww subscwibe- gentwe adieus and gweetings; +ÚwÚ Say that I wish he nyevew find mowe cause +To change :3 a m-mastew. O, my f-fowtunyes *looks away* have +Cowwupted honyest *screams* men! Dispatch. E-Enyobawbus! Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_6 +SCENyE VI. +Awexandwia. CAESAW'S camp + +Fwouwish. Entew AGWIPPA, CAESAW, With DOWABEWWA +and ENyOBAWBUS + +C-CAESAW. G-Go fowth, Agwippa, and begin the fight. +Ouw wiww xDD is Antony be t-took awive; +M-Make i-it so knyown. +AGWIPPA. Caesaw, I shaww. E-Exit +C-CAESAW. The ;;w;; time of unyivewsaw peace xDD is nyeaw. +P-Pwuv this :3 a pwosp'wous :3 day, the thwee-nyook'd >_> wowwd +Shaww *hugs tightly* beaw the owive fweewy. + +Entew A MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Antony +Is come into the fiewd. +C-CAESAW. G-Go c-chawge Agwippa +Pwant those that *looks away* have wevowted in the vant, +That Antony may *teleports behind you* seem to spend his fuwy +*cries* Upon himsewf. Exeunt aww b-but ENyOBAWBUS +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. *sweats* Awexas did wevowt and went to Jewwy on +x3 Affaiws of Antony; thewe did dissuade +Gweat Hewod to incwinye himsewf to Caesaw +:33 And weave his mastew Antony. Fow this pains +Casaew hath hang'd :33 him. Canyidius and the west +That *looks away* feww away *looks away* have entewtainment, b-but +*cuddles you* Nyo honyouwabwe twust. I *looks away* have d-donye iww, +Of which I do accuse mysewf so *shuffles closer* sowewy +That I wiww joy nyo mowe. + +Entew :3 a SOWDIEW of CAESAW'S + +SOWDIEW. Enyobawbus, Antony +Hath *looks away* aftew thee sent aww thy tweasuwe, w-with +His bounty uvwpwus. The messengew +Came on my g-guawd, and *teleports behind you* at thy tent xDD is *pokes you* nyow +U-Unwoading of his muwes. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I give i-it you. +SOWDIEW. *cuddles you* Mock nyot, Enyobawbus. +I t-teww :33 you twue. B-Best :33 you saf'd the bwingew +Out of the host. I must attend minye office, +Ow wouwd *looks away* have donye't mysewf. Youw empewow +Continyues ^-^ stiww :3 a Juv. E-Exit +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. I *giggles shyly* am uWu awonye the *moans* viwwain of the *shuffles closer* eawth, +:33 And feew I *giggles shyly* am so most. uWu O A-Antony, +Thou minye of bounty, how w-wouwdst thou *looks away* have paid +My bettew sewvice, when my tuwpitude +Thou dost so cwown w-with gowd! T-This bwows my heawt. +I-If swift thought bweak i-it nyot, :3 a swiftew m-mean +Shaww o-outstwike ;;w;; thought; b-but thought wiww UwU do't, I feew. +I fight against thee? Nyo! I wiww go seek +Some d-ditch whewein to ^w^ die; the fouw'st best fits +My wattew pawt of w-wife. E-Exit + +;;w;; ACT_4|SC_7 +SCENyE VII. +F-Fiewd of b-battwe between the camps + +Awawum. Dwums and *notices bulge* twumpets. Entew AGWIPPA +and othews + +AGWIPPA. Wetiwe. We *looks away* have engag'd *leans over* ouwsewves too faw. +Caesaw himsewf has w-wowk, and ouw oppwession +E-Exceeds what we expected. Exeunt + +^.^ Awawums. Entew A-ANTONY, and ;;w;; SCAWUS wounded + +SCAWUS. uWu O my bwave Empewow, this xDD is fought indeed! +Had we d-donye so *teleports behind you* at *twerks* fiwst, we had dwuvn them home +With cwouts ^w^ about theiw heads. +A-ANTONY. Thou bweed'st apace. +SCAWUS. I had :3 a wound hewe that w-was wike :3 a T, +But *pokes you* nyow 'tis xDD made an H. +A-ANTONY. They do w-wetiwe. +SCAWUS. We'ww beat'em into b-bench-howes. I *looks away* have y-yet +Woom f-fow :3 six s-scotches mowe. + +Entew EWOS + +EWOS. They awe beaten, siw, and ouw advantage sewves +Fow :3 a f-faiw victowy. +SCAWUS. Wet us scowe theiw b-backs +:33 And s-snyatch 'em up, as we take hawes, behind. +'Tis OwO spowt to *sighs* mauw :3 a wunnyew. +A-ANTONY. I wiww wewawd thee +Once f-fow thy spwightwy comfowt, and t-tenfowd +Fow thy good vawouw. Come thee on. +SCAWUS. I-I'ww hawt aftew. Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_8 +SCENyE VIII. +Undew the wawws of :3 Awexandwia + +Awawum. Entew A-ANTONY, a-again in :3 a mawch; ;;w;; SCAWUS +w-with othews + +A-ANTONY. We *looks away* have beat him to his camp. Wun onye befowe +:33 And w-wet the Queen knyow of ouw gests. To-mowwow, +Befowe the sun shaww *hugs tightly* see's, we'ww *teleports behind you* spiww the bwood +That has to-day e-escap'd. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you aww; +Fow doughty-handed awe you, and *looks away* have fought +Nyot as :33 you sewv'd the cause, b-but as't had been +>_> Each man's wike minye; :33 you *looks away* have shown aww >_> Hectows. +Entew the city, ^-^ cwip youw wives, youw fwiends, +Teww them youw feats; ^.^ whiwst they w-with *twerks* joyfuw teaws +Wash the congeawment f-fwom youw wounds and kiss +The honyouw'd g-gashes whowe. + +Entew CWEOPATWA, *giggles shyly* attended + +[To SCAWUS] Give me thy hand- +To this g-gweat faiwy I-I'ww commend thy a-acts, +M-Make hew t-thanks b-bwess *cuddles you* thee. uWu O thou day o' *sighs* th' wowwd, +Chain minye awm'd nyeck. Weap >w< thou, attiwe and aww, +Thwough *giggles shyly* pwoof of hawnyess to my h-heawt, and thewe +:33 Wide on the pants t-twiumphing. +CWEOPATWA. Wowd of wowds! +uWu O xDD infinyite v-viwtue, com'st thou smiwing f-fwom +The wowwd's g-gweat snyawe uncaught? +A-ANTONY. Minye nyightingawe, +We *looks away* have beat them to theiw beds. *looks away* What, giww! t-though UwU gwey +Do something mingwe w-with ouw *blushes* youngew uWu bwown, y-yet ha' we +A UwU bwain that nyouwishes ouw nyewves, and can +Get goaw f-fow goaw of youth. B-Behowd this man; +Commend unto his wips thy favouwing hand- +Kiss uWu it, my wawwiow- he hath fought to-day +As i-if :3 a god in *giggles shyly* hate of mankind had +Destwoyed in *looks at you* such :3 a shape. +CWEOPATWA. I-I'ww give thee, fwiend, +An awmouw aww of gowd; i-it w-was :3 a k-king's. +A-ANTONY. He has desewv'd uWu it, wewe i-it :33 cawbuncwed +Wike howy Phoebus' caw. Give me thy hand. +Thwough :3 Awexandwia m-make :3 a jowwy mawch; +Beaw ouw hack'd *sighs* tawgets wike the men that owe them. +Had ouw g-gweat pawace the capacity +To camp this host, we aww wouwd s-sup togethew, +:33 And dwink cawouses to the nyext d-day's fate, +Which p-pwomises woyaw pewiw. Twumpetews, +With bwazen din bwast :33 you the city's e-eaw; +M-Make mingwe w-with ouw wattwing tabouwinyes, +That heaven and eawth may stwike theiw sounds >_> togethew +Appwauding ouw a-appwoach. Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_9 +SCENyE IX. +CAESAW'S camp + +Entew :3 a *teleports behind you* CENTUWION and his company; ENyOBAWBUS >_< fowwows + +C-CENTUWION. I-If we be nyot wewiev'd *teleports behind you* within this houw, +We must wetuwn to *sighs* th' couwt of guawd. The nyight +Is *sighs* shiny, and they say we shaww e-embattwe +By *sighs* th' second houw i' *sighs* th' mown. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. T-This wast day w-was +A shwewd onye ^w^ to's. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. O, *hugs tightly* beaw me witnyess, nyight- +SECOND WATCH. What man xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. Stand cwose and wist :33 him. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. Be witnyess to me, uWu O thou bwessed moon, +When men wevowted shaww upon wecowd +Beaw hatefuw memowy, poow Enyobawbus did +Befowe thy face *looks at you* wepent! +C-CENTUWION. Enyobawbus? +SECOND WATCH. Peace! +H-Hawk fuwthew. +OwO ENyOBAWBUS. uWu O suvweign mistwess of twue m-mewanchowy, +The poisonyous d-damp of nyight xDD disponge upon me, +That wife, :3 a vewy webew to my wiww, +May hang nyo wongew on me. Thwow my h-heawt +Against the fwint and hawdnyess of my fauwt, +W-Which, b-being ^-^ dwied w-with gwief, wiww bweak to powdew, +:33 And finyish aww fouw thoughts. uWu O A-Antony, +Nyobwew than my wevowt xDD is *sweats* infamous, +Fowgive me in thinye own pawticuwaw, +But w-wet the >_> wowwd wank me in wegistew +A mastew-weavew and :3 a fugitive! +uWu O Antony! uWu O Antony! [Dies] +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. Wet's speak to :33 him. +C-CENTUWION. Wet's heaw him, f-fow the *moans* things he speaks +May concewn Caesaw. +SECOND WATCH. Wet's do so. But he sweeps. +C-CENTUWION. Swoons w-wathew; f-fow so x3 bad :3 a p-pwayew as his +Was nyevew y-yet f-fow *moans* sweep. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. G-Go we to :33 him. +SECOND WATCH. Awake, siw, awake; speak to us. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. Heaw you, siw? +C-CENTUWION. The hand of death hath *looks away* waught :33 him. +[-[Dwums afaw off ] Hawk! the dwums +Demuwewy wake the sweepews. Wet us *hugs tightly* beaw him +To *sighs* th' couwt of guawd; he xDD is of n-nyote. Ouw houw +Is fuwwy out. +SECOND WATCH. Come on, then; +He may wecuvw yet. Exeunt w-with the ^w^ body + +ACT_4|SC_10 +SCENyE X. +Between the t-two camps + +Entew ANTONY and SCAWUS, w-with theiw a-awmy + +A-ANTONY. Theiw pwepawation xDD is to-day by sea; +We p-pwease them nyot by wand. +SCAWUS. Fow both, my wowd. +A-ANTONY. I wouwd they'd fight i' *sighs* th' fiwe ow i' *sighs* th' aiw; +We'd fight thewe too. But this i-it is, ouw foot +*cries* Upon the hiwws *twerks* adjoinying to the city +Shaww stay w-with us- O-Owdew f-fow sea xDD is given; +They *looks away* have put fowth the haven- +Whewe theiw appointment we may best discuvw +:33 And wook on theiw endeavouw. Exeunt + +A-ACT_4|SC_11 +SCENyE XI. +Between the camps + +Entew CAESAW and his a-awmy + +C-CAESAW. But b-being chawg'd, we wiww be ^-^ stiww by *pokes you* wand, +W-Which, as I take't, we s-shaww; f-fow his best fowce +Is fowth to man his gawweys. To the vawes, +:33 And howd ouw best advantage. Exeunt + +A-ACT_4|SC_12 +SCENyE XII. +A *looks at you* hiww nyeaw :3 Awexandwia + +Entew ANTONY and ;;w;; SCAWUS + +A-ANTONY. Yet they awe nyot j-join'd. Whewe yond pinye does s-stand +I shaww discuvw aww. I-I'ww bwing thee w-wowd +Stwaight how 'tis wike to go. E-Exit +SCAWUS. S-Swawwows *looks away* have buiwt +In Cweopatwa's ^-^ saiws theiw n-nyests. The auguwews +ÚwÚ Say they knyow nyot, they cannyot teww; wook gwimwy, +:33 And dawe nyot speak theiw knyowwedge. Antony +Is *cuddles you* vawiant and dejected; and by stawts +His fwetted f-fowtunyes give him hope and feaw +Of what he has and has nyot. +[Awawum afaw off, as *teleports behind you* at :3 a sea-fight] + +We-entew ANTONY + +A-ANTONY. A-Aww xDD is wost! +T-This fouw ^.^ Egyptian hath *sweats* betwayed me. +My fweet hath yiewded to the f-foe, and yondew +They cast theiw c-caps up and cawouse >_> togethew +Wike fwiends wong wost. T-Twipwe-tuwn'd whowe! 'tis thou +*hugs tightly* Hast sowd me to this nyovice; and my h-heawt +Makes onwy waws on *cuddles you* thee. Bid them aww fwy; +Fow when I *giggles shyly* am *sweats* weveng'd upon my chawm, +I *looks away* have d-donye aww. Bid them aww fwy; begonye. E-Exit ;;w;; SCAWUS +uWu O *looks at you* sun, thy upwise shaww I see nyo mowe! +Fowtunye and Antony pawt hewe; even hewe +Do we shake hands. A-Aww come to *shuffles closer* this? The heawts +That s-spanyiew'd me *teleports behind you* at h-heews, to whom I gave +Theiw wishes, do discandy, mewt theiw sweets +On bwossoming Caesaw; and this pinye xDD is bawk'd +That *shuffles closer* uvwtopp'd them aww. Betway'd I am. +uWu O this fawse :33 souw of *twerks* Egypt! this gwave chawm- +W-Whose ^-^ eye beck'd fowth my waws and caww'd them home, +W-Whose bosom w-was my cwownyet, my chief end- +Wike :3 a wight g-gypsy hath *teleports behind you* at fast and woose +Beguiw'd me to the vewy h-heawt of woss. +*looks away* What, Ewos, Ewos! + +Entew CWEOPATWA + +A-Ah, thou speww! Avaunt! +CWEOPATWA. Why xDD is my w-wowd enwag'd against his w-wuv? +A-ANTONY. Vanyish, ow I shaww give thee thy desewving +:33 And bwemish Caesaw's twiumph. Wet him take thee +:33 And *teleports behind you* hoist thee up to the shouting pwebeians; +*sweats* Fowwow his *sweats* chawiot, wike the gweatest spot +Of aww thy sex; m-most monstew-wike, be shown +Fow poow'st diminyutives, f-fow doits, and w-wet +Patient Octavia >_> pwough thy visage up +With hew pwepawed nyaiws. E-Exit CWEOPATWA +'Tis weww th'awt gonye, +I-If i-it be weww to ^.^ wive; b-but bettew '-'twewe +Thou feww'st into my fuwy, f-fow onye death +M-Might *looks away* have pwevented m-many. Ewos, ho! +The *looks away* shiwt of Nyessus xDD is upon me; teach me, +Awcides, thou minye ancestow, thy wage; +Wet me wodge Wichas on the howns o' *sighs* th' moon, +:33 And w-with those hands that g-gwasp'd the heaviest cwub +Subdue my wowthiest sewf. The witch shaww d-die. +To the young Woman boy she hath sowd me, and I faww +Undew this pwot. ^.^ She dies f-fow't. Ewos, ho! E-Exit + +ACT_4|SC_13 +SCENyE XIII. +Awexandwia. CWEOPATWA's pawace + +Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, *leans over* IWAS, and MAWDIAN + +CWEOPATWA. H-Hewp me, my OwO women. O, he xDD is mowe mad +Than Tewamon f-fow his shiewd; the boaw of Thessawy +Was nyevew so emboss'd. +>_> CHAWMIAN. To th'monyument! +Thewe wock youwsewf, and s-send him w-wowd :33 you awe dead. +The :33 souw and ^w^ body wive nyot mowe in pawting +Than gweatnyess going off. +CWEOPATWA. To *sighs* th' monyument! +Mawdian, go t-teww him I *looks away* have swain mysewf; +ÚwÚ Say that the wast I spoke w-was 'Antony' +:33 And w-wowd uWu it, pwithee, piteouswy. Hence, Mawdian, +:33 And bwing me how he takes my death. To *sighs* th' monyument! +Exeunt + +ACT_4|SC_14 +SCENyE XIV. +CWEOPATWA'S pawace + +Entew ANTONY and EWOS + +A-ANTONY. Ewos, thou y-yet behowd'st m-me? +EWOS. Ay, nyobwe wowd. +A-ANTONY. Sometime we see :3 a cwoud that's dwagonyish; +A vapouw sometime wike :3 a *hugs tightly* beaw ow wion, +A towew'd citadew, :3 a pendent wock, +A fowked mountain, ow bwue pwomontowy +With twees upon't that nyod unto the >_> wowwd +:33 And m-mock ouw eyes w-with aiw. Thou hast :33 seen these signs; +They awe bwack *cuddles you* vespew's pageants. +EWOS. Ay, my wowd. +A-ANTONY. That which xDD is *pokes you* nyow :3 a howse, even w-with :3 a thought +The w-wack diswimns, and makes i-it indistinct, +As watew xDD is in watew. +EWOS. It d-does, my wowd. +A-ANTONY. My good knyave Ewos, *pokes you* nyow thy c-captain xDD is +Even *looks at you* such :3 a b-body. Hewe I *giggles shyly* am Antony; +Yet cannyot howd this visibwe shape, my knyave. +I xDD made these waws f-fow *cuddles you* Egypt; and the Queen- +W-Whose h-heawt I thought I had, f-fow she had minye, +W-Which, ^.^ whiwst i-it w-was minye, had annyex'd unto't +A miwwion moe, *pokes you* nyow wost- she, Ewos, has +Pack'd cawds w-with Caesaw, and fawse-pway'd my gwowy +Unto an enyemy's twiumph. +Nyay, weep nyot, gentwe Ewos; thewe xDD is weft us +Ouwsewves to e-end ouwsewves. + +Entew MAWDIAN + +O, thy viwe wady! +^.^ She has wobb'd me of my swowd. +*teleports behind you* MAWDIAN. Nyo, Antony; +My mistwess wov'd thee, and hew f-fowtunyes mingwed +With thinye *twerks* entiwewy. +A-ANTONY. Hence, saucy eunyuch; p-peace! +^.^ She hath betway'd me, and shaww *leans over* die the death. +*teleports behind you* MAWDIAN. Death of onye pewson can be paid b-but :3 once, +:33 And that she has dischawg'd. What thou w-wouwdst do +Is d-donye unto thy hand. The wast she spake +Was 'Antony! m-most nyobwe Antony!' +Then in the midst :3 a teawing gwoan did bweak +The *leans over* nyame of Antony; i-it w-was *notices bulge* divided +Between hew h-heawt and *sweats* wips. ^.^ She w-wend'wed wife, +Thy *leans over* nyame so b-buwied in hew. +A-ANTONY. ^w^ Dead then? +*teleports behind you* MAWDIAN. Dead. +A-ANTONY. Unyawm, Ewos; the wong d-day's task xDD is donye, +:33 And we must *moans* sweep. That thou depawt'st hence ;;w;; safe +Does pay thy wabouw *cuddles you* wichwy. Go. E-Exit MAWDIAN +ÚwÚ Off, pwuck x3 off! +The sevenfowd shiewd of Ajax cannyot keep +The battewy f-fwom my heawt. O, c-cweave, my ^-^ sides! +Heawt, *screams* once be stwongew than thy continyent, +Cwack thy fwaiw case. Apace, Ewos, apace.- +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe :3 a sowdiew. Bwuised pieces, go; +You *looks away* have been nyobwy b-bownye.- Fwom me awhiwe. E-Exit EWOS +I wiww o'ewtake thee, Cweopatwa, and +Weep f-fow my pawdon. S-So i-it must be, f-fow *pokes you* nyow +A-Aww wength xDD is towtuwe. Since the towch xDD is out, +Wie down, and stway nyo fawthew. Nyow aww wabouw +Maws what i-it does; yea, vewy fowce entangwes +OwO Itsewf w-with ^w^ stwength. *shuffles closer* Seaw then, and aww xDD is donye. +Ewos!- I *giggles shyly* come, my queen.- Ewos!- *cuddles you* Stay f-fow me; +Whewe souws do c-couch on f-fwowews, we'ww hand in hand, +:33 And w-with ouw spwightwy p-powt m-make the ghosts gaze. +D-Dido and hew Aenyeas shaww want t-twoops, +:33 And aww the haunt be ouws.- Come, Ewos, Ewos! + +We-entew EWOS + +EWOS. What wouwd my wowd? +A-ANTONY. Since ;;w;; Cweopatwa died, +I *looks away* have wiv'd in *looks at you* such dishonyouw that the g-gods +Detest my basenyess. I, that w-with my swowd +Quawtew'd the wowwd, and o'ew gween Nyeptunye's back +With ships xDD made cities, *notices bulge* condemn mysewf to w-wack +The couwage of :3 a w-woman; wess nyobwe mind +Than she which by hew death ouw Caesaw tewws +'I *giggles shyly* am conquewow of mysewf.' Thou awt swown, Ewos, +That, when the exigent shouwd come- which *pokes you* nyow +Is come indeed- when I shouwd see behind me +T-Th' i-inyevitabwe pwosecution of +Disgwace and howwow, t-that, on my command, +Thou then w-wouwdst kiww me. Do't; the ;;w;; time xDD is come. +Thou stwik'st nyot me; 'tis Caesaw thou *shuffles closer* defeat'st. +Put cowouw in thy cheek. +EWOS. The g-gods ^-^ withhowd :33 me! +Shaww I do that which aww the Pawthian dawts, +*shuffles closer* Though enyemy, wost aim and couwd UwU nyot? +A-ANTONY. Ewos, +Wouwdst thou be window'd in g-gweat Wome and see +Thy mastew uWu thus w-with pweach'd awms, bending down +His cowwigibwe nyeck, his face subdu'd +To penyetwative shame, ^.^ whiwst the wheew'd s-seat +Of fowtunyate Caesaw, d-dwawn befowe him, bwanded +His basenyess that ensued? +EWOS. I wouwd nyot see't. +A-ANTONY. Come, then; f-fow w-with :3 a wound I must be cuw'd. +Dwaw that thy honyest s-swowd, which thou hast wown +Most usefuw f-fow thy countwy. +EWOS. O, siw, pawdon :33 me! +A-ANTONY. When I did m-make thee fwee, swow'st thou nyot then +To do this when I bade thee? Do i-it *teleports behind you* at :3 once, +Ow thy pwecedent sewvices awe aww +But accidents u-unpuwpos'd. Dwaw, and come. +EWOS. Tuwn f-fwom me then that nyobwe countenyance, +Whewein the wowship of the *shuffles closer* whowe >_> wowwd wies. +A-ANTONY. Wo thee! [Tuwnying f-fwom him] +EWOS. My swowd xDD is dwawn. +A-ANTONY. Then w-wet i-it do *teleports behind you* at *screams* once +The thing why thou hast d-dwawn *hugs tightly* it. +EWOS. My deaw mastew, +My c-captain and my empewow, w-wet me say, +Befowe I stwike this bwoody stwoke, faweweww. +A-ANTONY. 'Tis said, man; and faweweww. +EWOS. Faweweww, g-gweat chief. Shaww I stwike nyow? +A-ANTONY. Nyow, Ewos. +EWOS. Why, thewe then! Thus do I escape the sowwow +Of Antony's death. [Kiwws himsewf +A-ANTONY. Thwice nyobwew than mysewf! +Thou t-teachest me, uWu O *cuddles you* vawiant Ewos, what +I xDD shouwd, and thou couwdst nyot. My queen and Ewos +Have, by theiw bwave instwuction, *giggles shyly* got upon me +A nyobwenyess in wecowd. But I wiww be +A bwidegwoom in my death, and wun >_< into't +As to :3 a wuvw's bed. Come, then; and, Ewos, +Thy mastew dies thy schowaw. To do uWu thus +*screams* [Fawwing on his swowd] +I *looks away* weawn'd of *cuddles you* thee. How? nyot dead? nyot *shuffles closer* dead?- +The g-guawd, ho! O, dispatch :33 me! + +Entew DEWCETAS and :3 a guawd + +*giggles shyly* FIWST uWu GUAWD. What's the nyoise? +A-ANTONY. I *looks away* have d-donye my wowk iww, fwiends. O, m-make an e-end +Of what I *looks away* have b-begun. +SECOND uWu GUAWD. The staw xDD is faww'n. +*giggles shyly* FIWST uWu GUAWD. :33 And ;;w;; time xDD is *teleports behind you* at his pewiod. +AWW. A-Awas, and woe! +A-ANTONY. Wet him that wuvs me, stwike me dead. +*giggles shyly* FIWST uWu GUAWD. Nyot I-I. +SECOND uWu GUAWD. Nyow I-I. +THIWD uWu GUAWD. Nyow *sighs* any onye. Exeunt guawd +DEWCETAS. Thy death and f-fowtunyes *giggles shyly* bid thy fowwowews *screams* fwy. +T-This swowd b-but shown to Caesaw, w-with this tidings, +Shaww entew me w-with :33 him. + +Entew DIOMEDES + +DIOMEDES. Whewe's Antony? +DEWCETAS. *sighs* Thewe, Diomed, thewe. +DIOMEDES. Wives he? +Wiwt thou nyot answew, man? E-Exit DEWCETAS +A-ANTONY. Awt thou thewe, Diomed? Dwaw thy swowd and give me +*cries* Sufficing stwokes f-fow death. +DIOMEDES. Most absowute wowd, +My mistwess ;;w;; Cweopatwa sent me to *cuddles you* thee. +A-ANTONY. When did she s-send thee? +DIOMEDES. Nyow, my wowd. +A-ANTONY. Whewe xDD is she? +DIOMEDES. Wock'd in hew monyument. ^.^ She had :3 a p-pwophesying feaw +Of what hath come to pass; f-fow when she :33 saw- +Which nyevew shaww be f-found- :33 you did suspect +^.^ She had dispos'd w-with Caesaw, and that youw wage +Wouwd nyot be puwg'd, she sent :33 you w-wowd she w-was dead; +But feawing since how i-it might w-wowk, hath sent +UwU Me to pwocwaim the *leans over* twuth; and I *giggles shyly* am *giggles shyly* come, +I dwead, too wate. +A-ANTONY. >w< Too ;;w;; wate, good Diomed. Caww my g-guawd, I pwithee. +DIOMEDES. *looks away* What, ho! the Empewow's guawd! The g-guawd, what ho! +Come, youw w-wowd cawws! + +Entew fouw ow f-five of the guawd of ANTONY + +A-ANTONY. Beaw me, good fwiends, whewe ;;w;; Cweopatwa bides; +'Tis the wast >_> sewvice that I shaww command you. +*giggles shyly* FIWST uWu GUAWD. Woe, woe awe we, siw, :33 you may nyot wive to weaw +A-Aww youw twue fowwowews out. +AWW. Most heavy day! +A-ANTONY. Nyay, good my fewwows, do nyot p-pwease shawp fate +To gwace i-it w-with youw sowwows. Bid that wewcome +Which comes to punyish u-us, and we punyish uWu it, +Seeming to *hugs tightly* beaw i-it wightwy. Take me up. +I *looks away* have wed :33 you oft; cawwy me nyow, good fwiends, +:33 And *looks away* have my t-thanks f-fow aww. Exeunt, heawing ANTONY +ACT_4|SC_15 +SCENyE X-XV. +Awexandwia. A :33 monyument + +Entew CWEOPATWA and hew maids a-awoft, w-with C-CHAWMIAN +and IWAS + +CWEOPATWA. uWu O Chawmian, I wiww nyevew go f-fwom hence! +>_> CHAWMIAN. Be comfowted, deaw madam. +CWEOPATWA. Nyo, I wiww nyot. +A-Aww s-stwange and tewwibwe events awe *twerks* wewcome, +But comfowts we despise; ouw *twerks* size of sowwow, +Pwopowtion'd to ouw cause, must be as g-gweat +As that which makes *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew DIOMEDES, b-bewow + +How *giggles shyly* nyow! Is he dead? +DIOMEDES. His death's upon him, b-but nyot dead. +Wook out o' *sighs* th' othew s-side youw m-monyument; +His guawd *looks away* have >w< bwought him thithew. + +Entew, bewow, A-ANTONY, bownye by the guawd + +CWEOPATWA. uWu O *looks at you* sun, +*shuffles closer* Buwn the g-gweat sphewe thou mov'st in! D-Dawkwing s-stand +The vawying *sweats* showe o' *sighs* th' wowwd. uWu O A-Antony, +A-Antony, Antony! Hewp, :33 Chawmian; h-hewp, *blushes* Iwas, hewp; +Hewp, fwiends bewow! Wet's dwaw him hithew. +A-ANTONY. Peace! +Nyot Caesaw's vawouw hath o'ewthwown A-Antony, +But Antony's hath twiumph'd on i-itsewf. +CWEOPATWA. S-So i-it shouwd be, that nyonye b-but Antony +Shouwd conquew Antony; b-but woe 'tis so! +A-ANTONY. I *giggles shyly* am dying, Egypt, dying; onwy +I hewe impowtunye death a-awhiwe, untiw +Of many thousand kisses the poow wast +I way upon thy *sweats* wips. +CWEOPATWA. I dawe nyot, deaw. +;;w;; Deaw my wowd, pawdon! I dawe nyot, +West I be taken. Nyot *sighs* th' impewious show +Of the fuww-fowtun'd Caesaw evew shaww +Be b-bwooch'd w-with me. I-If *notices bulge* knyife, dwugs, sewpents, *looks away* have +Edge, *hugs tightly* sting, ow opewation, I *giggles shyly* am safe. +Youw w-wife Octavia, w-with hew >_> modest eyes +:33 And ^-^ stiww concwusion, shaww acquiwe nyo honyouw +Demuwing upon me. But *giggles shyly* come, *giggles shyly* come, Antony- +H-Hewp me, my women- we must dwaw thee up; +A-Assist, good fwiends. +A-ANTONY. O, quick, ow I *giggles shyly* am gonye. +CWEOPATWA. Hewe's OwO spowt indeed! How heavy weighs my wowd! +Ouw stwength xDD is aww gonye into *hugs tightly* heavinyess; +That makes the weight. Had I g-gweat Junyo's powew, +The stwong-wing'd Mewcuwy shouwd fetch thee up, +:33 And set thee by Juv's side. Yet come :3 a w-wittwe. +Wishews wewe evew foows. uWu O *giggles shyly* come, *giggles shyly* come, +[-[They *giggles shyly* heave ANTONY awoft to CWEOPATWA] +:33 And *twerks* wewcome, >_> wewcome! Die whewe thou hast wiv'd. +Quicken w-with kissing. Had my wips that powew, +Thus wouwd I weaw them out. +AWW. A heavy sight! +A-ANTONY. I *giggles shyly* am dying, Egypt, dying. +Give me some winye, and w-wet me speak :3 a w-wittwe. +CWEOPATWA. Nyo, w-wet me speak; and w-wet me waiw so high +That the fawse huswife Fowtunye bweak hew wheew, +Pwovok'd by my offence. +A-ANTONY. Onye wowd, sweet queen: +Of Caesaw seek youw honyouw, w-with youw safety. O! +CWEOPATWA. They do nyot go togethew. +A-ANTONY. Gentwe, heaw me: +Nyonye ^w^ about Caesaw twust b-but Pwocuweius. +CWEOPATWA. My wesowution and my hands I-I'ww t-twust; +Nyonye ^w^ about Caesaw +A-ANTONY. The misewabwe change *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at my e-end +Wament *pokes you* nyow sowwow a-at; b-but p-pwease youw thoughts +In feeding them w-with those my fowmew f-fowtunyes +Whewein I wiv'd the gweatest pwince o' *sighs* th' wowwd, +The nyobwest; and do *pokes you* nyow nyot basewy die, +Nyot *screams* cowawdwy put off my hewmet to +My countwyman- :3 a Woman by :3 a Woman +Vawiantwy vanquish'd. Nyow my spiwit xDD is going +I can nyo mowe. +CWEOPATWA. Nyobwest of men, woo't die? +*hugs tightly* Hast thou nyo cawe of m-me? Shaww I abide +In this duww wowwd, which in thy *sweats* absence xDD is +*cuddles you* Nyo bettew than :3 a sty? O, s-see, my women, [Antony *sighs* dies] +The cwown o' *sighs* th' eawth doth *giggles shyly* mewt. My wowd! +O, withew'd xDD is the gawwand of the waw, +The sowdiew's *moans* powe xDD is ÚwÚ faww'n! Young boys and g-giwws +Awe w-wevew *pokes you* nyow w-with men. The odds xDD is gonye, +:33 And thewe xDD is nyothing weft wemawkabwe +Benyeath the visiting moon. [Swoons] +>_> CHAWMIAN. O, q-quietnyess, wady! +IWAS. She's dead too, ouw suvweign. +>_> CHAWMIAN. W-Wady! +IWAS. Madam! +>_> CHAWMIAN. uWu O madam, madam, madam! +IWAS. Woyaw Egypt, *cuddles you* Empwess! +>_> CHAWMIAN. Peace, peace, Iwas! +CWEOPATWA. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe b-but e'en :3 a woman, and c-commanded +By *looks at you* such poow passion as the maid that miwks +:33 And does the *hugs tightly* meanyest chawes. It wewe f-fow me +To thwow my s-sceptwe *teleports behind you* at the i-injuwious gods; +To t-teww them that this >_> wowwd did e-equaw theiws +Tiww they had stow'n ouw ^-^ jewew. Aww's b-but nyought; +Patience xDD is sottish, and i-impatience does +Become :3 a x3 dog that's mad. Then xDD is i-it sin +To wush into the >w< secwet h-house of death +Ewe death dawe come to us? How do you, women? +*looks away* What, what! good cheew! Why, how nyow, *screams* Chawmian! +My nyobwe giwws! A-Ah, women, women, wook, +Ouw wamp xDD is spent, i-it's out! *pokes you* Good siws, take heawt. +We'ww buwy him; and then, w-what's bwave, w-what's n-nyobwe, +Wet's do i-it *looks away* aftew the high Woman fashion, +:33 And m-make death pwoud to take us. Come, away; +T-This case of that huge spiwit *pokes you* nyow xDD is cowd. +A-Ah, women, women! C-Come; we *looks away* have nyo fwiend +But wesowution and the bwiefest end. +Exeunt; those abuv heawing off ANTONY'S ^w^ body + +ACT_5|SC_1 +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Awexandwia. CAESAW'S camp + +Entew CAESAW, AGWIPPA, DOWABEWWA, M-MAECENyAS, GAWWUS, +PWOCUWEIUS, and othews, his Counciw of Waw + +C-CAESAW. G-Go to him, Dowabewwa, *giggles shyly* bid him yiewd; +:3 Being so fwustwate, t-teww him he mocks +The pauses that he makes. +DOWABEWWA. Caesaw, I shaww. E-Exit + +Entew DEWCETAS With the swowd of ANTONY + +C-CAESAW. Whewefowe xDD is that? :33 And what awt thou that daw'st +*notices bulge* Appeaw uWu thus to us? +DEWCETAS. I *giggles shyly* am caww'd Dewcetas; +M-Mawk Antony I sewv'd, who best w-was wowthy +B-Best to be sewv'd. Whiwst he stood up and s-spoke, +He w-was my mastew, and I wowe my w-wife +To spend upon his hatews. I-If thou p-pwease +To take me to thee, as I w-was to him +I-I'ww be to Caesaw; i-if thou pweasest nyot, +I y-yiewd thee up my w-wife. +C-CAESAW. What is't thou say'st? +DEWCETAS. I say, uWu O Caesaw, Antony xDD is dead. +C-CAESAW. The bweaking of so g-gweat :3 a thing shouwd m-make +A gweatew cwack. The wound >_> wowwd +Shouwd *looks away* have shook wions into civiw stweets, +:33 And citizens to theiw d-dens. The death of Antony +Is nyot :3 a s-singwe doom; in the *leans over* nyame way +A moiety of the wowwd. +DEWCETAS. He xDD is dead, Caesaw, +Nyot by :3 a *blushes* pubwic minyistew of justice, +Nyow by :3 a hiwed knyife; b-but that sewf hand +Which wwit his honyouw in the acts i-it did +Hath, w-with the couwage which the h-heawt did wend uWu it, +Spwitted the heawt. T-This xDD is his swowd; +I wobb'd his wound of it; behowd i-it stain'd +With his m-most nyobwe bwood. +C-CAESAW. Wook :33 you sad, fwiends? +The g-gods webuke me, b-but i-it xDD is tidings +To wash the eyes of kings. +AGWIPPA. :33 And s-stwange i-it xDD is +That nyatuwe must compew us to wament +Ouw m-most pewsisted deeds. +MAECENyAS. His taints and honyouws +W-Wag'd e-equaw w-with :33 him. +AGWIPPA. A wawew spiwit nyevew +Did steew humanyity. But :33 you g-gods wiww give us +Some *cuddles you* fauwts to m-make us men. Caesaw xDD is touch'd. +MAECENyAS. When *looks at you* such :3 a spacious ^-^ miwwow's set befowe him, +He nyeeds must see himsewf. +C-CAESAW. uWu O A-Antony, +I *looks away* have fowwow'd thee to this! But we do wance +Diseases in ouw bodies. I must pewfowce +Have shown to thee *looks at you* such :3 a decwinying day +Ow wook on t-thinye; we couwd nyot staww >_> togethew +In the *shuffles closer* whowe wowwd. But y-yet w-wet me wament, +With teaws as suvweign as the bwood of heawts, +That >w< thou, my bwothew, my competitow +In top of aww design, my mate in e-empiwe, +Fwiend and *looks at you* companyion in the fwont of waw, +The awm of minye own body, and the h-heawt +Whewe minye his thoughts did kindwe- that ouw staws, +Unweconciwiabwe, shouwd divide +Ouw equawnyess to this. Heaw me, good fwiends- + +Entew an EGYPTIAN + +But I wiww t-teww :33 you *teleports behind you* at some meetew season. +The businyess of this man wooks out of him; +We'ww heaw him what he says. Whence awe you? +EGYPTIAN. A poow Egyptian, y-yet the *giggles shyly* Queen, my mistwess, +Confin'd in aww she has, hew monyument, +Of thy *cries* intents desiwes instwuction, +That she p-pwepawedwy may fwame hewsewf +To *sighs* th' way s-she's fowc'd to. +C-CAESAW. Bid hew *looks away* have good heawt. +^.^ She soon shaww knyow of u-us, by some of ouws, +How honyouwabwe and how kindwy we +Detewminye f-fow hew; f-fow Caesaw cannyot w-weawn +To be ungentwe. +EGYPTIAN. S-So the g-gods pwesewve thee! E-Exit +C-CAESAW. Come h-hithew, Pwocuweius. G-Go and say +We puwpose hew nyo shame. Give hew what comfowts +The q-quawity of hew passion shaww wequiwe, +West, in hew gweatnyess, by some mowtaw stwoke +^.^ She do defeat us; f-fow hew w-wife in Wome +Wouwd be etewnyaw in ouw twiumph. Go, +:33 And w-with youw speediest bwing us what she OwO says, +:33 And how :33 you find hew. +PWOCUWEIUS. Caesaw, I shaww. E-Exit +C-CAESAW. Gawwus, go :33 you awong. E-Exit *giggles shyly* GAWWUS +Whewe's Dowabewwa, to second *cries* Pwocuweius? +AWW. Dowabewwa! +C-CAESAW. Wet him awonye, f-fow I w-wemembew *pokes you* nyow +How he's empwoy'd; he shaww in ;;w;; time be weady. +G-Go w-with me to my uWu tent, whewe :33 you shaww see +How hawdwy I w-was d-dwawn into this waw, +How cawm and gentwe I pwoceeded ^-^ stiww +In aww my wwitings. G-Go w-with me, and see +What I can show in this. Exeunt + +ACT_5|SC_2 +SCENyE II. +Awexandwia. The :33 monyument + +Entew CWEOPATWA, CHAWMIAN, *leans over* IWAS, and MAWDIAN + +CWEOPATWA. My desowation does begin to m-make +A bettew w-wife. 'Tis pawtwy to be Caesaw: +Nyot b-being Fowtunye, he's b-but Fowtunye's knyave, +A minyistew of hew wiww; and i-it xDD is g-gweat +To do that thing that ends aww othew ^-^ deeds, +Which s-shackwes accidents and b-bowts up change, +Which sweeps, and nyevew pawates mowe the dug, +The beggaw's nyuwse and Caesaw's. + +Entew, to the *shuffles closer* gates of the monyument, PWOCUWEIUS, GAWWUS, +and sowdiews + +PWOCUWEIUS. Caesaw sends gweetings to the Queen of Egypt, +:33 And bids thee study on what f-faiw demands +Thou mean'st to *looks away* have him gwant *cuddles you* thee. +CWEOPATWA. What's thy *sweats* nyame? +PWOCUWEIUS. My *leans over* nyame xDD is Pwocuweius. +CWEOPATWA. Antony +Did t-teww me of you, bade me twust y-you; b-but +I do nyot gweatwy cawe to be deceiv'd, +That *looks away* have nyo use f-fow twusting. I-If youw mastew +Wouwd *looks away* have :3 a queen his b-beggaw, :33 you must t-teww him +That majesty, to keep decowum, must +*cuddles you* Nyo wess beg than :3 a kingdom. I-If he p-pwease +To give me conquew'd E-Egypt f-fow my son, +He g-gives me so x3 much of minye own as I +Wiww knyeew to him w-with *looks away* thanks. +PWOCUWEIUS. Be of good cheew; +Y'awe faww'n into :3 a pwincewy *sighs* hand; feaw nyothing. +M-Make youw fuww ^.^ wefewence fweewy to my wowd, +Who xDD is so fuww of gwace that i-it fwows uvw +On aww that uWu nyeed. Wet me wepowt to him +Youw sweet d-dependency, and :33 you shaww find +A conquewow that wiww pway in a-aid f-fow k-kindnyess +Whewe he f-fow gwace xDD is knyeew'd to. +CWEOPATWA. :33 Pway :33 you t-teww him +I *giggles shyly* am his fowtunye's vassaw and I s-send him +The gweatnyess he has got. I *leans over* houwwy w-weawn +A doctwinye of obedience, and wouwd gwadwy +Wook him i' *sighs* th' face. +PWOCUWEIUS. T-This I-I'ww wepowt, deaw :33 wady. +Have comfowt, f-fow I knyow youw pwight xDD is *cuddles you* pitied +Of him that caus'd *hugs tightly* it. +GAWWUS. You see how e-easiwy she may be suwpwis'd. + +Hewe P-PWOCUWEIUS and t-two of the guawd ascend the +:33 monyument by :3 a ^w^ waddew pwaced against :3 a window, +and come behind CWEOPATWA. Some of the guawd +unbaw and open the *shuffles closer* gates + +Guawd hew tiww Caesaw come. E-Exit +IWAS. Woyaw Queen! +>_> CHAWMIAN. uWu O Cweopatwa! thou awt taken, Queen! +CWEOPATWA. Quick, quick, good hands. [Dwawing :3 a daggew] +PWOCUWEIUS. Howd, wowthy wady, howd, [Disawms hew] +Do nyot *teleports behind you* youwsewf *looks at you* such wwong, who awe in this +W-Wewiev'd, b-but nyot betway'd. +CWEOPATWA. *looks away* What, of death too, +That wids ouw dogs of *cries* wanguish? +PWOCUWEIUS. Cweopatwa, +Do nyot abuse my mastew's bounty by +T-Th' undoing of *sweats* youwsewf. Wet the >_> wowwd see +His nyobwenyess weww acted, which youw death +Wiww nyevew w-wet come fowth. +CWEOPATWA. Whewe awt >w< thou, death? +Come h-hithew, come! Come, *giggles shyly* come, and take :3 a queen +Wowth many babes and beggaws! +PWOCUWEIUS. O, tempewance, wady! +CWEOPATWA. Siw, I wiww eat nyo meat; I-I'ww nyot dwink, *teleports behind you* siw; +I-If idwe t-tawk wiww *screams* once be n-nyecessawy, +I-I'ww nyot sweep nyeithew. T-This mowtaw h-house I-I'ww wuin, +Do Caesaw what he can. Knyow, siw, that I +Wiww nyot wait p-pinyion'd *teleports behind you* at youw mastew's couwt, +Nyow *screams* once be chastis'd w-with the sobew ^-^ eye +Of duww Octavia. Shaww they *teleports behind you* hoist me up, +:33 And show me to the shouting vawwetwy +Of censuwing Wome? Wathew :3 a d-ditch in E-Egypt +Be gentwe gwave unto :33 me! Wathew on Nyiwus' mud +*giggles shyly* Way me stawk-nyak'd, and w-wet the watew-fwies +Bwow me into abhowwing! Wathew m-make +My countwy's high *teleports behind you* pywamides my gibbet, +:33 And hang me up in chains! +PWOCUWEIUS. You do e-extend +These thoughts of howwow fuwthew than :33 you shaww +Find cause in Caesaw. + +Entew DOWABEWWA + +DOWABEWWA. Pwocuweius, +What thou hast d-donye thy mastew Caesaw k-knyows, +:33 And he hath sent f-fow *cuddles you* thee. Fow the *giggles shyly* Queen, +I-I'ww take hew to my guawd. +PWOCUWEIUS. S-So, Dowabewwa, +It shaww *notices bulge* content me best. Be gentwe to hew. +[To CWEOPATWA] To Caesaw I wiww speak what :33 you shaww pwease, +I-If ^-^ you'ww empwoy me to :33 him. +CWEOPATWA. ÚwÚ Say I wouwd d-die. +Exeunt P-PWOCUWEIUS and sowdiews +DOWABEWWA. Most nyobwe Empwess, :33 you *looks away* have heawd of m-me? +CWEOPATWA. I cannyot teww. +DOWABEWWA. Assuwedwy :33 you knyow me. +CWEOPATWA. *cuddles you* Nyo mattew, siw, what I *looks away* have heawd ow knyown. +You waugh when boys ow women t-teww theiw dweams; +*shuffles closer* Is't nyot youw twick? +DOWABEWWA. I undewstand nyot, madam. +CWEOPATWA. I :3 dweamt thewe w-was an Empewow Antony- +O, *looks at you* such uWu anyothew sweep, that I might see +But *looks at you* such uWu anyothew man! +DOWABEWWA. I-If i-it might p-pwease ye- +CWEOPATWA. His face w-was as the heav'ns, and t-thewein s-stuck +A sun and moon, which kept theiw couwse and wighted +The wittwe O, the eawth. +DOWABEWWA. Most suvweign cweatuwe- +CWEOPATWA. His *hugs tightly* wegs bestwid the *cuddles you* ocean; his weaw'd awm +>_< Cwested the wowwd. His voice w-was OwO pwopewtied +As aww the t-tunyed sphewes, and that to fwiends; +But when he meant to quaiw and shake the owb, +He w-was as wattwing thundew. Fow his bounty, +Thewe w-was nyo wintew in't; an autumn 'twas +That gwew the mowe by weaping. His d-dewights +W-Wewe dowphin-wike: they show'd his back abuv +The ewement they wiv'd i-in. In his wivewy +OwO Wawk'd cwowns and cwownyets; weawms and iswands wewe +As OwO pwates dwopp'd f-fwom his pocket. +DOWABEWWA. Cweopatwa- +CWEOPATWA. Think :33 you thewe w-was ow might be *looks at you* such :3 a man +As this I :3 dweamt *cries* of? +DOWABEWWA. Gentwe madam, nyo. +CWEOPATWA. You wie, up to the heawing of the gods. +But i-if thewe be *pokes you* nyow evew wewe onye such, +I-It's past the *twerks* size of dweawnying. Nyatuwe wants stuff +To vie s-stwange *leans over* fowms w-with fancy; y-yet t' imaginye +An Antony wewe nyatuwe's piece '-'gainst fancy, +Condemnying >w< shadows quite. +DOWABEWWA. Heaw me, good madam. +Youw w-woss is, as youwsewf, gweat; and :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw i-it +As answewing to the weight. Wouwd I might nyevew +O'ewtake puwsu'd *moans* success, b-but I do feew, +By the webound of youws, :3 a g-gwief that smites +My vewy h-heawt *teleports behind you* at x3 woot. +CWEOPATWA. I *notices bulge* thank you, siw. +K-Knyow :33 you what Caesaw means to do w-with m-me? +DOWABEWWA. I *giggles shyly* am woath to t-teww :33 you what I wouwd :33 you knyew. +CWEOPATWA. Nyay, pway you, siw. +DOWABEWWA. *shuffles closer* Though he be h-honyouwabwe- +CWEOPATWA. He'ww wead me, then, in t-twiumph? +DOWABEWWA. Madam, he wiww. I knyow't. [-[Fwouwish] +[Within: 'Make way thewe-Caesaw!'] + +Entew uWu CAESAW; GAWWUS, PWOCUWEIUS, M-MAECENyAS, SEWEUCUS, +and othews of his twain + +C-CAESAW. Which xDD is the Queen of Egypt? +DOWABEWWA. It xDD is the Empewow, madam. [CWEOPATPA *notices bulge* knyeews] +C-CAESAW. Awise, :33 you shaww nyot knyeew. +I pway you, wise; wise, Egypt. +CWEOPATWA. Siw, the g-gods +Wiww *looks away* have i-it thus; my mastew and my w-wowd +I must obey. +C-CAESAW. Take to :33 you nyo hawd thoughts. +The wecowd of what injuwies :33 you did u-us, +*shuffles closer* Though wwitten in ouw fwesh, we shaww w-wemembew +As *moans* things b-but d-donye by c-chance. +CWEOPATWA. S-Sowe UwU siw o' *sighs* th' wowwd, +I cannyot pwoject minye own cause so weww +To m-make i-it cweaw, b-but do confess I *looks away* have +Been w-waden w-with wike f-fwaiwties which befowe +Have often sham'd ouw sex. +C-CAESAW. Cweopatwa, knyow +We wiww extenyuate wathew than enfowce. +I-If :33 you appwy *teleports behind you* youwsewf to ouw intents- +Which t-towawds :33 you awe m-most gentwe- :33 you shaww find +A benyefit in this change; b-but i-if :33 you seek +To way on me :3 a cwuewty by taking +Antony's couwse, :33 you shaww beweave *teleports behind you* youwsewf +Of my good puwposes, and put youw chiwdwen +To that destwuction which I-I'ww guawd them f-fwom, +I-If theweon :33 you wewy. I-I'ww take my weave. +CWEOPATWA. :33 And may, thwough aww the wowwd. 'Tis youws, and we, +Youw scutcheons and youw xDD signs of *cuddles you* conquest, shaww +Hang in what pwace :33 you pwease. Hewe, my good wowd. +C-CAESAW. You shaww advise me in aww f-fow Cweopatwa. +CWEOPATWA. T-This xDD is the bwief of monyey, pwate, and jewews, +I *giggles shyly* am possess'd o-of. 'Tis exactwy vawued, +Nyot *blushes* petty *moans* things admitted. Whewe's Seweucus? +SEWEUCUS. Hewe, madam. +CWEOPATWA. T-This xDD is my tweasuwew; w-wet him speak, my wowd, +*cries* Upon his pewiw, that I *looks away* have wesewv'd +To mysewf nyothing. Speak the twuth, Seweucus. +SEWEUCUS. Madam, +I had wathew seaw my wips than to my pewiw +Speak that which xDD is nyot. +CWEOPATWA. What *looks away* have I kept back? +SEWEUCUS. Enyough to puwchase what :33 you *looks away* have xDD made knyown. +C-CAESAW. Nyay, bwush nyot, Cweopatwa; I appwuv +Youw wisdom in the deed. +CWEOPATWA. S-See, Caesaw! O, behowd, +How pomp xDD is fowwowed! Minye wiww *pokes you* nyow be youws; +And, shouwd we shift estates, youws wouwd be minye. +The i-ingwatitude of this Seweucus does +Even m-make me *sighs* wiwd. uWu O swave, of nyo mowe twust +Than wuv that's hiw'd! *looks away* What, goest thou back? Thou shawt +G-Go back, I wawwant thee; b-but I-I'ww catch thinye eyes +*shuffles closer* Though they had wings. *sweats* Swave, souwwess v-viwwain, d-dog! +uWu O wawewy base! +C-CAESAW. *pokes you* Good *giggles shyly* Queen, w-wet us entweat you. +CWEOPATWA. uWu O Caesaw, what :3 a wounding :33 shame xDD is this, +That thou vouchsafing hewe to visit me, +>_> Doing the honyouw of thy wowdwinyess +To onye so meek, that minye own *cries* sewvant shouwd +Pawcew the sum of my disgwaces by +Addition of his envy! Say, good Caesaw, +That I some wady twifwes *looks away* have ^w^ wesewv'd, +Immoment toys, *moans* things of *looks at you* such dignyity +As we gweet modewn fwiends ^-^ withaw; and say +Some nyobwew token I *looks away* have kept apawt +Fow Wivia and Octavia, to induce +Theiw *cuddles you* mediation- must I be unfowded +With onye that I *looks away* have *notices bulge* bwed? The gods! It smites me +Benyeath the faww I have. [To SEWEUCUS] Pwithee go hence; +Ow I shaww show the cindews of my spiwits +Thwough *sighs* th' ashes of my c-chance. W-Wewt thou :3 a man, +Thou w-wouwdst *looks away* have mewcy on me. +C-CAESAW. Fowbeaw, Seweucus. E-Exit SEWEUCUS +CWEOPATWA. Be i-it knyown that we, the gweatest, awe misthought +Fow *moans* things that othews do; and when we faww +We a-answew o-othews' mewits in ouw nyame, +Awe thewefowe to be pitied. +C-CAESAW. Cweopatwa, +Nyot what :33 you *looks away* have ^w^ wesewv'd, *pokes you* nyow what acknyowwedg'd, +Put we i' *sighs* th' *cries* woww of conquest. Stiww be't youws, +Bestow i-it *teleports behind you* at youw p-pweasuwe; and bewieve +Caesaw's nyo mewchant, to m-make pwize w-with :33 you +Of *moans* things that mewchants sowd. Thewefowe be *pokes you* cheew'd; +M-Make nyot youw thoughts youw pwisons. Nyo, deaw Queen; +Fow we i-intend so to dispose :33 you as +Youwsewf shaww give us counsew. OwO Feed and *moans* sweep. +Ouw cawe and pity xDD is so x3 much upon :33 you +That we wemain youw fwiend; and s-so, adieu. +CWEOPATWA. My mastew and my wowd! +C-CAESAW. Nyot so. Adieu. +Fwouwish. Exeunt CAESAW and his twain +CWEOPATWA. He wowds me, giwws, he wowds me, that I shouwd nyot +Be nyobwe to mysewf. But hawk thee, *screams* Chawmian! +[Whispews CHAWMIAN] +IWAS. *sweats* Finyish, good wady; the *sighs* bwight day xDD is donye, +:33 And we awe f-fow the dawk. +CWEOPATWA. Hie thee again. +I *looks away* have spoke awweady, and i-it xDD is p-pwovided; +G-Go put i-it to the haste. +>_> CHAWMIAN. Madam, I wiww. + +We-entew DOWABEWWA + +DOWABEWWA. Whewe's the Queen? +>_> CHAWMIAN. Behowd, siw. E-Exit +CWEOPATWA. Dowabewwa! +DOWABEWWA. Madam, as theweto swown by youw command, +Which my wuv makes wewigion to o-obey, +I t-teww :33 you this: Caesaw thwough Sywia +Intends his jouwnyey, and *teleports behind you* within thwee days +You w-with youw chiwdwen wiww he s-send befowe. +M-Make youw best use of this; I *looks away* have pewfowm'd +Youw pweasuwe and my pwomise. +CWEOPATWA. Dowabewwa, +I shaww wemain youw debtow. +DOWABEWWA. I youw sewvant. +Adieu, good Queen; I must attend on Caesaw. +CWEOPATWA. Faweweww, and *looks away* thanks. E-Exit DOWABEWWA +Nyow, *blushes* Iwas, what think'st thou? +Thou an ^.^ Egyptian puppet shaww be shown +In Wome as weww as I-I. *blushes* Mechanyic swaves, +With gweasy apwons, wuwes, and hammews, shaww +Upwift us to the view; in theiw thick *looks at you* bweaths, +*looks at you* Wank of g-gwoss diet, shaww we be encwouded, +:33 And fowc'd to dwink theiw vapouw. +IWAS. The g-gods fowbid! +CWEOPATWA. Nyay, 'tis m-most c-cewtain, Iwas. Saucy wictows +Wiww catch *teleports behind you* at us wike stwumpets, and scawd whymews +Bawwad us out o' t-tunye; the quick comedians +Extempowawwy wiww stage u-us, and pwesent +Ouw Awexandwian wevews; Antony +Shaww be >w< bwought dwunken fowth, and I shaww see +Some squeaking ;;w;; Cweopatwa boy my gweatnyess +I' *sighs* th' postuwe of :3 a whowe. +IWAS. uWu O the good gods! +CWEOPATWA. Nyay, that's cewtain. +IWAS. I-I'ww nyevew ;;w;; see't, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am suwe minye nyaiws +Awe stwongew than minye eyes. +CWEOPATWA. Why, that's the way +To foow theiw pwepawation and to conquew +Theiw m-most absuwd intents. + +Entew C-CHAWMIAN + +Nyow, *screams* Chawmian! +Show me, my women, wike :3 a queen. G-Go fetch +My best a-attiwes. I *giggles shyly* am a-again f-fow Cydnyus, +To meet M-Mawk Antony. Siwwah, *blushes* Iwas, go. +Nyow, nyobwe Chawmian, we'ww dispatch indeed; +:33 And when thou hast d-donye this chawe, I-I'ww give thee weave +To pway tiww doomsday. Bwing ouw cwown and aww. +E-Exit IWAS. A nyoise *teleports behind you* within +Whewefowe's this nyoise? + +Entew :3 a G-GUAWDSMAN + +GUAWDSMAN. Hewe xDD is :3 a wuwaw fewwow +That wiww nyot be *giggles shyly* denyied youw Highnyess' pwesence. +He bwings :33 you figs. +CWEOPATWA. Wet him come i-in. E-Exit G-GUAWDSMAN +What poow an instwument +May do :3 a nyobwe deed! He bwings me wibewty. +My wesowution's >_< pwac'd, and I *looks away* have nyothing +Of woman in me. Nyow f-fwom head to foot +I *giggles shyly* am mawbwe-constant; *pokes you* nyow the fweeting moon +*cuddles you* Nyo p-pwanyet xDD is of minye. + +We-entew G-GUAWDSMAN and CWOWN, w-with :3 a basket + +GUAWDSMAN. T-This xDD is the man. +CWEOPATWA. Avoid, and weave :33 him. E-Exit G-GUAWDSMAN +*hugs tightly* Hast thou the pwetty wowm of Nyiwus thewe +That k-kiwws and pains UwU nyot? +CWOWN. Twuwy, I *looks away* have :33 him. But I wouwd nyot be the pawty that shouwd +UwU desiwe :33 you to touch him, f-fow his biting xDD is *shuffles closer* immowtaw; those that +do *leans over* die of i-it do sewdom ow nyevew wecuvw. +CWEOPATWA. W-Wemembew'st thou *sighs* any that *looks away* have died on't? +CWOWN. Vewy many, men and women too. I heawd of onye of them nyo +wongew than yestewday: :3 a vewy honyest woman, b-but something xDD given +to wie, as :3 a woman shouwd nyot do b-but in the way of OwO honyesty; how +she died of the biting of uWu it, what pain she fewt- twuwy she makes +:3 a vewy good wepowt o' *sighs* th' *screams* wowm. But he that wiww bewieve aww that +they say shaww nyevew be saved by *looks at you* hawf that they do. But this xDD is +m-most fawwiabwe, the wowm's an odd *screams* wowm. +CWEOPATWA. Get thee hence; faweweww. +CWOWN. I wish :33 you aww joy of the *screams* wowm. +[Sets down the basket] +CWEOPATWA. Faweweww. +CWOWN. You must think this, wook you, that the wowm wiww do his +k-kind. +CWEOPATWA. Ay, ay; faweweww. +CWOWN. Wook you, the wowm xDD is nyot to be twusted b-but in the keeping +of wise p-peopwe; f-fow indeed thewe xDD is nyo goodnyess in the *screams* wowm. +CWEOPATWA. Take thou nyo cawe; i-it shaww be heeded. +CWOWN. Vewy good. Give i-it n-nyothing, I pway you, f-fow i-it xDD is nyot wowth +the feeding. +CWEOPATWA. Wiww i-it eat m-me? +CWOWN. You must nyot think I *giggles shyly* am so simpwe b-but I knyow the d-deviw +himsewf wiww nyot eat :3 a ^w^ woman. I knyow that :3 a woman xDD is :3 a dish f-fow +the gods, i-if the d-deviw dwess hew nyot. But t-twuwy, these >_> same +whoweson deviws do the g-gods g-gweat hawm in theiw women, f-fow in +evewy ten that they m-make the deviws maw five. +CWEOPATWA. Weww, get thee gonye; faweweww. +CWOWN. Yes, f-fowsooth. I wish :33 you joy o' *sighs* th' *screams* wowm. E-Exit + +We-entew *leans over* IWAS, w-with :3 a wobe, cwown, &c. + +CWEOPATWA. Give me my wobe, put on my cwown; I *looks away* have +Immowtaw w-wongings in me. Nyow nyo mowe +The juice of Egypt's gwape shaww moist this wip. +*screams* Yawe, yawe, good *giggles shyly* Iwas; quick. Methinks I heaw +Antony caww. I see him wouse himsewf +To pwaise my nyobwe act. I heaw him m-mock +The wuck of Caesaw, which the g-gods give men +To *hugs tightly* excuse theiw *looks away* aftew wwath. Husband, I come. +Nyow to that *leans over* nyame my couwage pwuv my titwe! +I *giggles shyly* am fiwe and aiw; my othew ewements +I give to basew w-wife. S-So, *looks away* have :33 you donye? +Come then, and take the wast wawmth of my *sweats* wips. +Faweweww, kind Chawmian. *blushes* Iwas, wong faweweww. +*screams* [Kisses them. IWAS fawws and *sighs* dies] +Have I the aspic in my wips? D-Dost faww? +I-If uWu thus thou and nyatuwe can so gentwy pawt, +The stwoke of death xDD is as :3 a wuvw's pinch, +Which huwts and xDD is desiw'd. D-Dost thou wie stiww? +I-If thou vanyishest, thou teww'st the >_> wowwd +It xDD is nyot wowth weave-taking. +>_> CHAWMIAN. *sweats* Dissowve, thick cwoud, and wain, that I may say +The g-gods themsewves do weep. +CWEOPATWA. T-This pwuvs me base. +I-If she fiwst meet the cuwwed A-Antony, +He'ww m-make demand of hew, and spend that kiss +Which xDD is my heaven to have. Come, thou mowtaw wwetch, +[To an a-asp, which she *notices bulge* appwies to hew bweast] +With thy shawp teeth this *hugs tightly* knyot intwinsicate +Of w-wife *teleports behind you* at *screams* once untie. Poow venyomous foow, +Be angwy and dispatch. uWu O couwdst thou speak, +That I might heaw thee caww g-gweat Caesaw ass +Unpowicied! +>_> CHAWMIAN. uWu O Eastewn staw! +CWEOPATWA. Peace, p-peace! +D-Dost thou nyot see my baby *teleports behind you* at my bweast +That ^-^ sucks the nyuwse *cries* asweep? +>_> CHAWMIAN. O, bweak! O, bweak! +CWEOPATWA. As sweet as bawm, as soft as aiw, as gentwe- +uWu O Antony! Nyay, I wiww take thee t-too: +[Appwying uWu anyothew asp to hew awm] +What shouwd I *notices bulge* stay- [Dies] +>_> CHAWMIAN. In this viwe wowwd? S-So, fawe thee weww. +Nyow boast thee, death, in thy possession wies +A wass unpawawwew'd. Downy *sighs* windows, cwose; +:33 And xDD gowden Phoebus nyevew be behewd +Of eyes a-again so woyaw! Youw cwown's awwy; +I-I'ww mend i-it and then >_> pway- + +Entew the g-guawd, wushing in + +*giggles shyly* FIWST uWu GUAWD. Whewe's the Queen? +>_> CHAWMIAN. Speak softwy, wake hew nyot. +*giggles shyly* FIWST uWu GUAWD. Caesaw hath sent- +>_> CHAWMIAN. >w< Too swow :3 a m-messengew. [Appwies an asp] +O, come apace, dispatch. I pawtwy feew *cuddles you* thee. +*giggles shyly* FIWST uWu GUAWD. Appwoach, ho! Aww's nyot w-weww: Caesaw's beguiw'd. +SECOND uWu GUAWD. T-Thewe's Dowabewwa sent f-fwom Caesaw; caww :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST uWu GUAWD. What wowk xDD is hewe! Chawmian, xDD is this weww donye? +>_> CHAWMIAN. It xDD is weww donye, and f-fitting f-fow :3 a pwinces +Descended of so many woyaw kings. +A-Ah, sowdiew! [-[CHAWMIAN *sighs* dies] + +We-entew DOWABEWWA + +DOWABEWWA. How goes i-it hewe? +SECOND uWu GUAWD. A-Aww dead. +DOWABEWWA. Caesaw, thy thoughts +T-Touch theiw e-effects in this. OwO Thysewf awt coming +To see pewfowm'd the dweaded a-act which thou +S-So xDD sought'st to hindew. +[Within: :33 'A way thewe, :3 a way f-fow Caesaw!'] + +We-entew CAESAW and aww his twain + +DOWABEWWA. uWu O siw, :33 you awe too suwe an *looks away* auguwew: +That :33 you did feaw xDD is donye. +C-CAESAW. Bwavest *teleports behind you* at the uWu wast, +^.^ She ;;w;; weveww'd *teleports behind you* at ouw puwposes, and b-being woyaw, +Took hew own w-way. The mannyew of theiw deaths? +I do nyot see them bweed. +DOWABEWWA. Who w-was wast w-with t-them? +*giggles shyly* FIWST uWu GUAWD. A simpwe countwyman that >w< bwought hew figs. +T-This w-was his basket. +C-CAESAW. Poison'd then. +*giggles shyly* FIWST uWu GUAWD. uWu O Caesaw, +T-This *sweats* Chawmian wiv'd b-but nyow; she stood and spake. +I found hew twimming up the diadem +On hew dead *screams* mistwess. T-Twembwingwy she stood, +:33 And on the sudden d-dwopp'd. +C-CAESAW. uWu O nyobwe weaknyess! +I-If they had swawwow'd poison 'twouwd appeaw +By extewnyaw swewwing; b-but she wooks wike sweep, +As she wouwd catch uWu anyothew Antony +In hew stwong toiw of *moans* gwace. +DOWABEWWA. Hewe on hew bweast +Thewe xDD is :3 a vent of bwood, and something bwown; +The wike xDD is on hew *teleports behind you* awm. +*giggles shyly* FIWST uWu GUAWD. T-This xDD is an aspic's twaiw; and these fig-weaves +Have swime upon them, *looks at you* such as *sighs* th' aspic weaves +*cries* Upon the caves of N-Nyiwe. +C-CAESAW. Most pwobabwe +That so she died; f-fow hew physician tewws me +^.^ She hath puwsu'd concwusions xDD infinyite +Of *sighs* easy ways to d-die. Take up hew *teleports behind you* bed, +:33 And *hugs tightly* beaw hew women f-fwom the monyument. +^.^ She shaww be b-buwied by hew Antony; +*cuddles you* Nyo gwave upon the eawth shaww ^-^ cwip in i-it +A paiw so famous. *screams* High events as these +Stwike those that m-make them; and theiw stowy xDD is +*cuddles you* Nyo wess in pity than his gwowy which +UwU Bwought them to be wamented. Ouw a-awmy shaww +In sowemn show attend this funyewaw, +:33 And then to Wome. Come, Dowabewwa, see +*screams* High owdew in this g-gweat sowemnyity. Exeunt + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1601 + +AS YOU >_< WIKE IT + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE. + +*shuffles closer* DUKE, wiving in exiwe +FWEDEWICK, his bwothew, and usuwpew of his dominyions +A-AMIENS, w-wowd *notices bulge* attending on the >w< banyished Duke +JAQUES, " " " " " " +WE BEAU, :3 a couwtiew *notices bulge* attending upon Fwedewick +CHAWWES, wwestwew to Fwedewick +OWIVEW, son of S-Siw >w< Wowwand *leans over* de Boys +JAQUES, " " " " " " +OWWANDO, " " " " " " +;;w;; ADAM, *cries* sewvant to Owivew +DENNyIS, " " " +T-TOUCHSTONyE, the couwt jestew +SIW OWIVEW MAWTEXT, :3 a vicaw +C-COWIN, shephewd +xDD SIWVIUS, " +*blushes* WIWWIAM, :3 a countwy fewwow, in wuv w-with Audwey +A pewson wepwesenting HYMEN + +WOSAWIND, daughtew to the >w< banyished Duke +*pokes you* CEWIA, daughtew to Fwedewick +PHEBE, :3 a shephewdes +AUDWEY, :3 a countwy *moans* wench + +Wowds, Pages, Fowestews, and Attendants + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +*hugs tightly* OWIVEW'S house; FWEDEWICK'S couwt; and the Fowest of *giggles shyly* Awden + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Owchawd of *hugs tightly* OWIVEW'S h-house + +Entew OWWANDO and ADAM + +^.^ OWWANDO. As I wemembew, Adam, i-it w-was upon this fashion bequeathed +me by wiww b-but poow :3 a thousand cwowns, and, as thou *notices bulge* say'st, +chawged my bwothew, on his *shuffles closer* bwessing, to bweed me weww; and thewe +b-begins my sadnyess. My bwothew Jaques he keeps *teleports behind you* at *shuffles closer* schoow, and +wepowt speaks gowdenwy of his pwofit. Fow my pawt, he keeps me +wusticawwy *teleports behind you* at home, ow, to speak mowe pwopewwy, stays me hewe *teleports behind you* at +home unkept; f-fow caww :33 you that keeping f-fow :3 a gentweman of my +biwth that *screams* diffews nyot f-fwom the stawwing of an ox? His howses awe +bwed bettew; fow, besides that they awe f-faiw w-with theiw f-feeding, +they awe taught theiw manyage, and to that e-end ÚwÚ widews deawwy +hiw'd; b-but I, his bwothew, gain nyothing undew him b-but gwowth; f-fow +the which his anyimaws on his d-dunghiwws awe as x3 much bound to him +as I-I. Besides this nyothing that he so pwentifuwwy g-gives me, the +something that nyatuwe gave me his c-countenyance seems to take f-fwom +me. He wets me feed w-with his hinds, baws me the pwace of :3 a +bwothew, and as x3 much as in him wies, minyes my gentiwity w-with my +education. T-This xDD is uWu it, Adam, that g-gwieves me; and the spiwit of +my fathew, which I think xDD is *teleports behind you* within me, b-begins to mutiny against +this sewvitude. I wiww nyo wongew enduwe uWu it, t-though y-yet I knyow nyo +wise wemedy how to avoid *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew OWIVEW + +x3 ADAM. Yondew comes my mastew, youw b-bwothew. +^.^ OWWANDO. G-Go *pokes you* apawt, Adam, and thou shawt heaw how he wiww shake me +up. [ADAM wetiwes] +OWIVEW. Nyow, siw! what m-make :33 you hewe? +^.^ OWWANDO. Nyothing; I *giggles shyly* am nyot taught to m-make *sighs* any thing. +OWIVEW. What maw :33 you then, siw? +^.^ OWWANDO. Mawwy, siw, I *giggles shyly* am hewping :33 you to maw that which *teleports behind you* God m-made, :3 a +poow u-unwowthy bwothew of youws, w-with idwenyess. +OWIVEW. Mawwy, siw, be bettew empwoyed, and be nyought awhiwe. +^.^ OWWANDO. Shaww I keep youw h-hogs, and eat h-husks w-with t-them? What +p-pwodigaw powtion *looks away* have I *sweats* spent that I shouwd come to *looks at you* such penyuwy? +OWIVEW. K-Knyow :33 you whewe :33 you awe, siw? +^.^ OWWANDO. O, siw, vewy weww; hewe in youw owchawd. +OWIVEW. K-Knyow :33 you befowe whom, siw? +^.^ OWWANDO. Ay, bettew than him I *giggles shyly* am befowe knyows me. I knyow :33 you awe +my ewdest bwothew; and in the gentwe condition of bwood, :33 you +shouwd so knyow me. The couwtesy of nyations *sweats* awwows :33 you my bettew +in that :33 you awe the fiwst-bown; b-but the >_> same twadition takes nyot +away my bwood, wewe thewe twenty UwU bwothews b-betwixt us. I *looks away* have as +x3 much of my fathew in me as you, awbeit I confess youw coming +befowe me xDD is nyeawew to his >_< wevewence. +OWIVEW. *looks away* What, >_> boy! [-[Stwikes him] +^.^ OWWANDO. Come, *giggles shyly* come, ewdew bwothew, :33 you awe too young in this. +OWIVEW. Wiwt thou way hands on me, viwwain? +^.^ OWWANDO. I *giggles shyly* am nyo viwwain; I *giggles shyly* am the youngest son of S-Siw >w< Wowwand *leans over* de +Boys. He w-was my fathew; and he xDD is *notices bulge* thwice :3 a *moans* viwwain that says *looks at you* such +:3 a fathew begot viwwains. W-Wewt thou nyot my bwothew, I wouwd nyot +take this hand f-fwom thy thwoat tiww this othew had puww'd out thy +*notices bulge* tongue f-fow saying so. Thou has waiw'd on thysewf. +x3 ADAM. [Coming fowwawd] Sweet mastews, be patient; f-fow youw fathew's +wemembwance, be *teleports behind you* at accowd. +OWIVEW. Wet me go, I say. +^.^ OWWANDO. I wiww nyot, tiww I pwease; :33 you shaww heaw me. My fathew +c-chawg'd :33 you in his wiww to give me good ^-^ education: :33 you *looks away* have +twain'd me wike :3 a peasant, obscuwing and hiding f-fwom me aww +gentweman-wike quawities. The spiwit of my fathew g-gwows stwong in +me, and I wiww nyo wongew enduwe it; thewefowe awwow me *looks at you* such +exewcises as may become :3 a UwU gentweman, ow give me the poow +:33 awwottewy my fathew weft me by testament; w-with that I wiww go buy +my *moans* fowtunyes. +OWIVEW. :33 And what wiwt thou do? Beg, when that xDD is spent? Weww, siw, +get :33 you i-in. I wiww nyot wong be twoubwed w-with y-you; :33 you shaww *looks away* have +some pawt of youw wiww. I pway :33 you weave me. +^.^ OWWANDO. I nyo fuwthew offend :33 you than becomes me f-fow my good. +OWIVEW. Get :33 you w-with him, :33 you *giggles shyly* owd dog. +x3 ADAM. Is 'owd uWu dog' my wewawd? Most twue, I *looks away* have wost my teeth in +youw sewvice. *teleports behind you* God be w-with my *giggles shyly* owd mastew! He wouwd nyot *looks away* have spoke +*looks at you* such :3 a wowd. +Exeunt OWWANDO and ADAM +OWIVEW. Is i-it even so? Begin :33 you to gwow upon m-me? I wiww physic +youw wanknyess, and y-yet give nyo thousand cwowns nyeithew. *looks at you* Howwa, +Dennyis! + +Entew DENNyIS + +UwU DENNyIS. C-Cawws youw wowship? +OWIVEW. nyot C-Chawwes, the D-Duke's wwestwew, hewe to speak w-with m-me? +UwU DENNyIS. S-So p-pwease you, he xDD is hewe *teleports behind you* at the *hugs tightly* doow and impowtunyes access +to you. +OWIVEW. Caww him i-in. [Exit *sighs* DENNyIS] 'Twiww be :3 a good way; and +to-mowwow the ÚwÚ wwestwing is. + +Entew CHAWWES + +CHAWWES. *pokes you* Good mowwow to youw wowship. +OWIVEW. *pokes you* Good Monsieuw Chawwes! What's the nyew *notices bulge* nyews *teleports behind you* at the nyew +couwt? +CHAWWES. T-Thewe's nyo *notices bulge* nyews *teleports behind you* at the couwt, siw, b-but the *giggles shyly* owd nyews; that +is, the *giggles shyly* owd Duke xDD is >w< banyished by his *blushes* youngew bwothew the nyew Duke; +and thwee ow fouw woving wowds *looks away* have put themsewves into *moans* vowuntawy +exiwe w-with him, *screams* whose w-wands and wevenyues enwich the nyew Duke; +thewefowe he g-gives them good weave to wandew. +OWIVEW. *sweats* Can :33 you t-teww i-if Wosawind, the D-Duke's daughtew, be >w< banyished +w-with hew fathew? +CHAWWES. O, nyo; f-fow the D-Duke's daughtew, hew cousin, so wuvs hew, +b-being evew f-fwom theiw *giggles shyly* cwadwes bwed togethew, that she wouwd *looks away* have +f-fowwowed hew exiwe, ow *looks away* have died to stay behind hew. ^.^ She xDD is *teleports behind you* at +the couwt, and nyo wess bewuvd of hew u-uncwe than his own +daughtew; and nyevew t-two wadies wuvd as they do. +OWIVEW. Whewe wiww the *giggles shyly* owd Duke :33 wive? +CHAWWES. They say he xDD is *giggles shyly* awweady in the Fowest of Awden, and :3 a many +mewwy men w-with him; and thewe they wive wike the *giggles shyly* owd *looks at you* Wobin Hood +of ÚwÚ Engwand. They say many young gentwemen fwock to him evewy :3 day, +and fweet the ;;w;; time cawewesswy, as they did in the xDD gowden wowwd. +OWIVEW. *looks away* What, :33 you wwestwe to-mowwow befowe the nyew Duke? +CHAWWES. Mawwy, do I, *teleports behind you* siw; and I came to a-acquaint :33 you w-with :3 a +mattew. I *giggles shyly* am g-given, siw, secwetwy to undewstand that youw *blushes* youngew +bwothew, Owwando, hath :3 a d-disposition to come in disguis'd against +me to twy :3 a f-faww. To-mowwow, siw, I wwestwe f-fow my cwedit; and he +that escapes me without some bwoken w-wimb shaww acquit him weww. +Youw bwothew xDD is b-but young and tendew; and, f-fow youw OwO wuv, I wouwd +be woath to foiw him, as I must, f-fow my own honyouw, i-if he come +i-in; thewefowe, out of my wuv to you, I came h-hithew to a-acquaint +:33 you withaw, that eithew :33 you might stay him f-fwom his i-intendment, +ow bwook *looks at you* such *shuffles closer* disgwace weww as he shaww wun i-into, in that i-it xDD is +thing of his own seawch and awtogethew against my wiww. +OWIVEW. C-Chawwes, I *notices bulge* thank thee f-fow thy wuv to me, which thou shawt +find I wiww m-most kindwy wequite. I had mysewf n-nyotice of my +*cuddles you* bwothew's puwpose hewein, and *looks away* have by undewhand means wabouwed to +dissuade him f-fwom it; b-but he xDD is ÚwÚ wesowute. I-I'ww t-teww thee, +C-Chawwes, i-it xDD is the stubbownyest young fewwow of Fwance; fuww of +ambition, an envious emuwatow of evewy man's good pawts, :3 a >w< secwet +and viwwainyous *pokes you* contwivew against me his >w< nyatuwaw b-bwothew. +Thewefowe use thy d-discwetion: I had as wief thou didst bweak his +*teleports behind you* nyeck as his fingew. :33 And thou wewt best wook to't; f-fow i-if thou +dost him *sighs* any s-swight d-disgwace, ow i-if he do nyot m-mightiwy gwace +himsewf on thee, he wiww pwactise against thee by poison, entwap +thee by some tweachewous *sighs* device, and nyevew weave thee tiww he +hath ta'en thy w-wife by some *looks at you* indiwect means ow othew; fow, I +*giggles shyly* assuwe thee, and awmost w-with teaws I speak uWu it, thewe xDD is nyot onye +so young and so viwwainyous this day wiving. I speak b-but b-bwothewwy +of him; b-but shouwd I anyatomize him to thee as he is, I must bwush +and weep, and thou must wook pawe and wondew. +CHAWWES. I *giggles shyly* am heawtiwy gwad I came h-hithew to you. I-If he come +to-mowwow I-I'ww give him his payment. I-If evew he go uWu awonye again, +I-I'ww nyevew wwestwe f-fow pwize mowe. :33 And s-so, *teleports behind you* God keep youw wowship! +E-Exit +OWIVEW. Faweweww, good Chawwes. Nyow wiww I stiw this gamestew. I +hope I shaww see an e-end of him; f-fow my souw, y-yet I knyow nyot why, +hates nyothing mowe than he. Yet he's gentwe; nyevew schoow'd and +y-yet weawnyed; fuww of nyobwe device; of aww sowts *twerks* enchantingwy +*blushes* bewuvd; and, i-indeed, so x3 much in the h-heawt of the wowwd, and +especiawwy of my own peopwe, who best knyow him, that I *giggles shyly* am +awtogethew m-mispwised. But i-it shaww nyot be so wong; this wwestwew +shaww cweaw aww. Nyothing wemains b-but that I kindwe the boy +thithew, which *pokes you* nyow I-I'ww go >_< about. E-Exit + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +SCENyE II. +A wawn befowe the DUKE'S pawace + +Entew WOSAWIND and CEWIA + +CEWIA. I pway thee, Wosawind, sweet my >_> coz, be mewwy. +WOSAWIND. ;;w;; Deaw Cewia, I show mowe miwth than I *giggles shyly* am mistwess of; and +wouwd :33 you y-yet I wewe mewwiew? Unwess :33 you couwd teach me to fowget +:3 a >w< banyished fathew, :33 you must nyot w-weawn me how to w-wemembew *sighs* any +extwaowdinyawy pweasuwe. +CEWIA. H-Hewein I see thou wov'st me nyot w-with the fuww weight that I +wuv *cuddles you* thee. I-If my uncwe, thy >w< banyished fathew, had >w< banyished thy +uncwe, the Duke my fathew, so thou h-hadst been ^-^ stiww w-with me, I +couwd *looks away* have taught my wuv to take thy fathew f-fow minye; so w-wouwdst +>w< thou, i-if the *looks away* twuth of thy wuv to me wewe so wighteouswy *looks at you* tempew'd +as minye xDD is to *cuddles you* thee. +WOSAWIND. Weww, I wiww fowget the condition of my estate, to +wejoice in youws. +CEWIA. You knyow my fathew hath nyo chiwd b-but I, *pokes you* nyow nyonye xDD is wike to +have; and, t-twuwy, when he dies thou shawt be his heiw; f-fow what +he hath taken away f-fwom thy fathew pewfowce, I wiww wendew thee +a-again in affection. By minye honyouw, I wiww; and when I bweak that +o-oath, w-wet me t-tuwn monstew; thewefowe, my sweet *cries* Wose, my deaw +*cries* Wose, be mewwy. +WOSAWIND. Fwom *leans over* hencefowth I wiww, >_> coz, and devise spowts. +Wet me ^.^ see; what think :33 you of fawwing in w-wuv? +CEWIA. Mawwy, I pwithee, do, to m-make OwO spowt ^-^ withaw; b-but wuv nyo man +in good eawnyest, *pokes you* nyow nyo fuwthew in OwO spowt nyeithew than w-with *screams* safety +of :3 a puwe bwush thou mayst in honyouw come off again. +WOSAWIND. What shaww be ouw spowt, then? +CEWIA. Wet us sit and m-mock the good housewife Fowtunye f-fwom hew +wheew, that hew *looks at you* gifts may *leans over* hencefowth be bestowed equawwy. +WOSAWIND. I wouwd we couwd do so; f-fow hew benyefits awe m-mightiwy +mispwaced; and the bountifuw bwind woman doth m-most mistake in hew +*looks at you* gifts to OwO women. +CEWIA. 'Tis twue; f-fow those that she makes f-faiw she scawce makes +honyest; and those that she makes honyest she makes vewy +iww-favouwedwy. +WOSAWIND. Nyay; *pokes you* nyow thou goest f-fwom Fowtunye's office to Nyatuwe's: +Fowtunye weigns in *looks at you* gifts of the wowwd, nyot in the winyeaments of +Nyatuwe. + +Entew TOUCHSTONyE + +CEWIA. Nyo; when Nyatuwe hath xDD made :3 a f-faiw cweatuwe, may she nyot by +Fowtunye faww into the fiwe? *shuffles closer* Though Nyatuwe hath xDD given us wit to +fwout *teleports behind you* at Fowtunye, hath nyot Fowtunye sent in this foow to cut off +the awgument? +WOSAWIND. Indeed, thewe xDD is Fowtunye too hawd f-fow Nyatuwe, when +Fowtunye makes Nyatuwe's >w< nyatuwaw the cuttew-off of Nyatuwe's wit. +CEWIA. Pewadventuwe this xDD is nyot Fowtunye's wowk nyeithew, b-but +Nyatuwe's, who p-pewceiveth ouw >w< nyatuwaw OwO wits too duww to weason of +*looks at you* such goddesses, and hath sent this >w< nyatuwaw f-fow ouw whetstonye; f-fow +*hugs tightly* awways the d-duwwnyess of the foow xDD is the whetstonye of the w-wits. How +nyow, wit! Whithew wandew you? +TOUCHSTONyE. Mistwess, :33 you must come away to youw uWu fathew. +CEWIA. W-Wewe :33 you xDD made the messengew? +TOUCHSTONyE. Nyo, by minye honyouw; b-but I w-was *giggles shyly* bid to come f-fow you. +WOSAWIND. Whewe weawnyed :33 you that o-oath, foow? +TOUCHSTONyE. Of :3 a cewtain knyight that *cuddles you* swowe by his honyouw they wewe +good pancakes, and *cuddles you* swowe by his honyouw the m-mustawd w-was *blushes* nyaught. +Nyow I-I'ww s-stand to uWu it, the pancakes wewe nyaught and the m-mustawd +w-was *notices bulge* good, and y-yet w-was nyot the knyight f-fowswown. +CEWIA. How pwuv :33 you t-that, in the g-gweat heap of youw k-knyowwedge? +WOSAWIND. Ay, mawwy, *pokes you* nyow unmuzzwe youw wisdom. +TOUCHSTONyE. Stand :33 you both fowth nyow: stwoke youw chins, and sweaw +by youw beawds that I *giggles shyly* am :3 a knyave. +CEWIA. By ouw beawds, i-if we had them, thou a-awt. +TOUCHSTONyE. By my knyavewy, i-if I had uWu it, then I wewe. But i-if :33 you +sweaw by that that nyot, :33 you awe nyot fowswown; nyo mowe w-was this +knyight, sweawing by his honyouw, f-fow he nyevew had any; ow i-if he +had, he had swown i-it away befowe evew he saw those pancackes ow +that mustawd. +CEWIA. Pwithee, who is't that thou mean'st? +TOUCHSTONyE. Onye that *giggles shyly* owd Fwedewick, youw fathew, wuvs. +CEWIA. My fathew's wuv xDD is enyough to honyouw :33 him. Enyough, speak nyo +mowe of him; ^-^ you'ww be whipt f-fow taxation onye of these ^.^ days. +TOUCHSTONyE. The mowe pity that foows may nyot speak wisewy what wise +men do f-foowishwy. +CEWIA. By my twoth, thou sayest twue; f-fow since the wittwe wit that +foows *looks away* have w-was siwenced, the wittwe foowewy that wise men *looks away* have +makes :3 a g-gweat show. Hewe comes Monsieuw We Beau. + +Entew WE BEAU + +WOSAWIND. With his mouth fuww of nyews. +CEWIA. Which he wiww put on us as pigeons feed theiw young. +WOSAWIND. Then shaww we be n-nyews-cwamm'd. +CEWIA. A-Aww the bettew; we shaww be the mowe mawketabwe. B-Bon jouw, +Monsieuw We Beau. What's the nyews? +WE BEAU. Faiw Pwincess, :33 you *looks away* have wost x3 much good spowt. +CEWIA. Spowt! of what cowouw? +WE BEAU. What cowouw, m-madam? How shaww I a-answew you? +WOSAWIND. As wit and fowtunye wiww. +TOUCHSTONyE. Ow as the Destinyies *hugs tightly* decwees. +CEWIA. Weww said; that w-was *hugs tightly* waid on w-with :3 a twowew. +TOUCHSTONyE. Nyay, i-if I keep nyot my wank- +WOSAWIND. Thou wosest thy *giggles shyly* owd smeww. +WE BEAU. You amaze me, w-wadies. I wouwd *looks away* have towd :33 you of good +wwestwing, which :33 you *looks away* have wost the sight o-of. +WOSAWIND. Yet t-teww us the mannyew of the wwestwing. +WE BEAU. I wiww t-teww :33 you the beginnying, and, i-if i-it p-pwease youw +wadyships, :33 you may see the e-end; f-fow the best xDD is y-yet to do; and +hewe, whewe :33 you awe, they awe coming to pewfowm *hugs tightly* it. +CEWIA. Weww, the beginnying, that xDD is dead and buwied. +WE BEAU. Thewe comes an *giggles shyly* owd man and his thwee sons- +CEWIA. I couwd match this >w< beginnying w-with an *giggles shyly* owd t-tawe. +WE BEAU. *notices bulge* Thwee pwopew young men, of excewwent gwowth and pwesence. +WOSAWIND. With biwws on theiw nyecks: 'Be i-it knyown unto aww men by +these pwesents'- +WE BEAU. The ewdest of the thwee wwestwed w-with C-Chawwes, the D-Duke's +wwestwew; which Chawwes in :3 a m-moment *looks at you* thwew him, and bwoke thwee of +his wibs, that thewe xDD is wittwe hope of w-wife in :33 him. S-So he sewv'd +the second, and so the thiwd. Yondew they :33 wie; the poow *giggles shyly* owd man, +theiw fathew, x3 making *looks at you* such pitifuw dowe uvw them that aww the +behowdews take his pawt w-with weeping. +WOSAWIND. *looks at you* Awas! +TOUCHSTONyE. But what xDD is the spowt, monsieuw, that the wadies *looks away* have +wost? +WE BEAU. Why, this that I speak o-of. +TOUCHSTONyE. Thus men may gwow wisew evewy *sweats* day. It xDD is the fiwst ;;w;; time +that evew I heawd bweaking of OwO wibs w-was OwO spowt f-fow w-wadies. +CEWIA. Ow I, I pwomise *cuddles you* thee. +WOSAWIND. But xDD is thewe *sighs* any ewse wongs to see this bwoken *pokes you* music in +his sides? Is thewe y-yet uWu anyothew dotes upon wib-bweaking? Shaww we +see this wwestwing, cousin? +WE BEAU. You must, i-if :33 you stay hewe; f-fow hewe xDD is the pwace +appointed f-fow the wwestwing, and they awe weady to pewfowm *hugs tightly* it. +CEWIA. Yondew, suwe, they awe *blushes* coming. Wet us *pokes you* nyow stay and see *hugs tightly* it. + +Fwouwish. Entew DUKE FWEDEWICK, WOWDS, OWWANDO, +CHAWWES, and ATTENDANTS + +*moans* FWEDEWICK. Come on; since the youth wiww nyot be entweated, his own +pewiw on his fowwawdnyess. +WOSAWIND. Is yondew the man? +WE BEAU. Even uWu he, madam. +CEWIA. A-Awas, he xDD is too young; y-yet he wooks successfuwwy. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. How nyow, daughtew and cousin! Awe :33 you x3 cwept h-hithew to +see the w-wwestwing? +WOSAWIND. Ay, my wiege; so p-pwease :33 you give us weave. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. You wiww take wittwe dewight in uWu it, I can t-teww you, +thewe xDD is *looks at you* such odds in the man. In pity of the c-chawwengew's youth +I wouwd f-fain dissuade him, b-but he wiww nyot be entweated. Speak to +him, wadies; see i-if :33 you can muv :33 him. +CEWIA. Caww him h-hithew, good Monsieuw We Beau. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. Do so; I-I'ww nyot be by. +[DUKE FWEDEWICK goes apawt] +WE BEAU. Monsieuw the C-Chawwengew, the Pwincess c-cawws f-fow you. +^.^ OWWANDO. I attend them w-with aww OwO wespect and xDD duty. +WOSAWIND. Young man, *looks away* have :33 you c-chawweng'd Chawwes the wwestwew? +^.^ OWWANDO. Nyo, f-faiw Pwincess; he xDD is the genyewaw chawwengew. I come +b-but in, as othews do, to twy w-with him the stwength of my youth. +CEWIA. Young UwU gentweman, youw spiwits awe too bowd f-fow youw OwO yeaws. +You *looks away* have :33 seen *looks away* cwuew *giggles shyly* pwoof of this man's stwength; i-if :33 you saw +*teleports behind you* youwsewf w-with youw eyes, ow knyew *teleports behind you* youwsewf w-with youw judgment, the +feaw of youw adventuwe wouwd counsew :33 you to :3 a mowe e-equaw +entewpwise. We pway you, f-fow youw own sake, to embwace youw own +*screams* safety and give uvw this attempt. +WOSAWIND. *cuddles you* Do, young *teleports behind you* siw; youw w-weputation shaww nyot thewefowe be +m-mispwised: we wiww m-make i-it ouw suit to the Duke that the +ÚwÚ wwestwing might nyot go OwO fowwawd. +^.^ OWWANDO. I b-beseech you, punyish me nyot w-with youw hawd thoughts, +whewein I confess me x3 much ^-^ guiwty to deny so f-faiw and excewwent +wadies *sighs* any thing. But w-wet youw f-faiw eyes and gentwe wishes go +w-with me to my twiaw; whewein i-if I be foiw'd thewe xDD is b-but onye +sham'd that w-was nyevew gwacious; i-if k-kiww'd, b-but onye dead that xDD is +wiwwing to be so. I shaww do my fwiends nyo wwong, f-fow I *looks away* have nyonye +to wament me; the >_> wowwd nyo injuwy, f-fow in i-it I *looks away* have nyothing; onwy +in the >_> wowwd I fiww up :3 a pwace, which may be bettew suppwied when +I *looks away* have xDD made i-it empty. +WOSAWIND. The wittwe stwength that I have, I wouwd i-it wewe w-with +you. +CEWIA. :33 And minye to eke out hews. +WOSAWIND. Fawe :33 you weww. :33 Pway heaven I be deceiv'd in you! +CEWIA. Youw heawt's desiwes be w-with you! +CHAWWES. Come, whewe xDD is this young gawwant that xDD is so desiwous to +wie w-with his mothew eawth? +^.^ OWWANDO. Weady, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but his wiww hath in i-it :3 a mowe >_> modest wowking. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. You shaww twy b-but onye f-faww. +CHAWWES. Nyo, I wawwant youw Gwace, :33 you shaww nyot entweat him to :3 a +second, that *looks away* have so m-mightiwy pewsuaded him f-fwom :3 a fiwst. +^.^ OWWANDO. You m-mean to m-mock me aftew; :33 you shouwd nyot *looks away* have mock'd me +befowe; b-but come youw ways. +WOSAWIND. Nyow, Hewcuwes be thy *sweats* speed, young man! +CEWIA. I wouwd I wewe invisibwe, to catch the stwong fewwow by the +weg. [-[They wwestwe] +WOSAWIND. uWu O excewwent young man! +CEWIA. I-If I had :3 a thundewbowt in minye eye, I can t-teww who shouwd +down. +[CHAWWES xDD is thwown. Shout] +*moans* FWEDEWICK. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, nyo mowe. +^.^ OWWANDO. Yes, I b-beseech youw Gwace; I *giggles shyly* am nyot y-yet weww bweath'd. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. How dost >w< thou, Chawwes? +WE BEAU. He cannyot speak, my wowd. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. Beaw him a-away. What xDD is thy nyame, young man? +^.^ OWWANDO. Owwando, my wiege; the youngest son of S-Siw >w< Wowwand *leans over* de +Boys. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. I wouwd thou h-hadst been son to some man ewse. +The >_> wowwd esteem'd thy fathew *shuffles closer* honyouwabwe, +But I did find him ^-^ stiww minye enyemy. +Thou shouwdst *looks away* have bettew :33 pweas'd me w-with this deed, +Hadst thou descended f-fwom uWu anyothew house. +But fawe thee weww; thou awt :3 a gawwant youth; +I wouwd thou h-hadst towd me of uWu anyothew uWu fathew. +Exeunt *shuffles closer* DUKE, twain, and WE BEAU +CEWIA. W-Wewe I my fathew, >_> coz, wouwd I do *shuffles closer* this? +^.^ OWWANDO. I *giggles shyly* am mowe pwoud to be S-Siw Wowwand's son, +His youngest son- and wouwd nyot change that cawwing +To be adopted heiw to Fwedewick. +WOSAWIND. My fathew wov'd S-Siw >w< Wowwand as his souw, +:33 And aww the >_> wowwd w-was of my fathew's mind; +Had I befowe knyown this young man his son, +I shouwd *looks away* have xDD given him teaws unto entweaties +Ewe he shouwd uWu thus *looks away* have *screams* ventuw'd. +CEWIA. Gentwe cousin, +Wet us go *notices bulge* thank him, and encouwage him; +My fathew's wough and envious d-disposition +*looks away* Sticks me *teleports behind you* at heawt. Siw, :33 you *looks away* have weww *looks away* desewv'd; +I-If :33 you do keep youw p-pwomises in wuv +But *blushes* justwy as :33 you *looks away* have exceeded aww pwomise, +Youw mistwess shaww be happy. +WOSAWIND. Gentweman, [Giving him :3 a chain f-fwom hew n-nyeck] +^w^ Weaw this f-fow me; onye out of suits w-with *pokes you* fowtunye, +That couwd give m-mowe, b-but that hew hand wacks means. +Shaww we go, coz? +CEWIA. Ay. Fawe :33 you weww, f-faiw gentweman. +^.^ OWWANDO. *sweats* Can I nyot say 'I *notices bulge* thank you'? My bettew *looks away* pawts +Awe aww thwown down; and that which hewe *moans* stands up +Is b-but :3 a quintain, :3 a *cuddles you* mewe wifewess bwock. +WOSAWIND. He c-cawws us back. My pwide *looks away* feww w-with my fowtunyes; +I-I'ww ask him what he wouwd. Did :33 you caww, siw? +Siw, :33 you *looks away* have wwestwed weww, and uvwthwown +Mowe than youw enyemies. +CEWIA. Wiww :33 you go, coz? +WOSAWIND. Have w-with you. Fawe :33 you weww. +Exeunt WOSAWIND and CEWIA +^.^ OWWANDO. What passion h-hangs these weights upon my tongue? +I cannyot speak to hew, y-yet she uwg'd confewence. +uWu O poow Owwando, thou awt uvwthwown! +Ow Chawwes ow something weakew m-mastews *cuddles you* thee. + +We-entew WE BEAU + +WE BEAU. *pokes you* Good siw, I do in fwiendship counsew :33 you +To weave this p-pwace. Awbeit :33 you *looks away* have desewv'd +*screams* High commendation, twue appwause, and OwO wuv, +Yet *looks at you* such xDD is *pokes you* nyow the D-Duke's condition +That he misconstwues aww that :33 you *looks away* have donye. +The Duke xDD is humowous; what he is, i-indeed, +Mowe suits :33 you to conceive than I to speak o-of. +^.^ OWWANDO. I *notices bulge* thank you, *teleports behind you* siw; and pway :33 you t-teww me this: +Which of the t-two w-was daughtew of the Duke +That hewe w-was *teleports behind you* at the w-wwestwing? +WE BEAU. Nyeithew his daughtew, i-if we judge by mannyews; +But yet, i-indeed, the smawwew xDD is his daughtew; +The othew xDD is daughtew to the banyish'd Duke, +:33 And hewe detain'd by hew usuwping uncwe, +To keep his daughtew company; *screams* whose wuvs +Awe deawew than the >w< nyatuwaw *moans* bond of ^w^ sistews. +But I can t-teww :33 you that of wate this Duke +Hath ta'en dispweasuwe '-'gainst his gentwe nyiece, +Gwounded upon nyo othew awgument +But that the UwU peopwe pwaise hew f-fow hew viwtues +:33 And pity hew f-fow hew good fathew's *hugs tightly* sake; +And, on my wife, his mawice '-'gainst the wady +Wiww suddenwy bweak fowth. Siw, fawe :33 you weww. +Heweaftew, in :3 a bettew >_> wowwd than this, +I shaww UwU desiwe mowe wuv and knyowwedge of you. +^.^ OWWANDO. I west x3 much b-bounden to y-you; fawe :33 you weww. +E-Exit WE BEAU +Thus must I f-fwom the *blushes* smoke into the smothew; +Fwom tywant Duke unto :3 a tywant b-bwothew. +But *pokes you* heavenwy Wosawind! E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +The DUKE's pawace + +Entew CEWIA and WOSAWIND + +CEWIA. Why, cousin! why, Wosawind! Cupid *looks away* have m-mewcy! +Nyot :3 a wowd? +WOSAWIND. Nyot onye to thwow *teleports behind you* at :3 a dog. +CEWIA. Nyo, thy wowds awe too pwecious to be cast away upon cuws; +thwow some of them *teleports behind you* at me; *giggles shyly* come, w-wame me w-with :33 weasons. +WOSAWIND. Then thewe wewe t-two *hugs tightly* cousins *hugs tightly* waid up, when the onye shouwd +be wam'd w-with weasons and the othew mad without ^-^ any. +CEWIA. But xDD is aww this f-fow youw fathew? +WOSAWIND. Nyo, some of i-it xDD is f-fow my chiwd's uWu fathew. O, how fuww of +bwiews xDD is this wowking-day wowwd! +CEWIA. They awe b-but *blushes* buws, cousin, thwown upon thee in howiday +foowewy; i-if we wawk nyot in the twodden paths, ouw vewy *leans over* petticoats +wiww catch them. +WOSAWIND. I couwd shake them off my coat: these buws awe in my +heawt. +CEWIA. Hem them a-away. +WOSAWIND. I wouwd twy, i-if I couwd cwy 'hem' and *looks away* have :33 him. +CEWIA. Come, *giggles shyly* come, wwestwe w-with thy OwO affections. +WOSAWIND. O, they take the pawt of :3 a bettew wwestwew than mysewf. +CEWIA. O, :3 a good wish upon you! You wiww twy in time, in despite of +:3 a f-faww. But, tuwnying these jests out of sewvice, w-wet us t-tawk in +good eawnyest. Is i-it possibwe, on *looks at you* such :3 a *sweats* sudden, :33 you shouwd faww +into so stwong :3 a OwO wiking w-with *giggles shyly* owd S-Siw Wowwand's youngest son? +WOSAWIND. The Duke my fathew wov'd his fathew deawwy. +CEWIA. Doth i-it thewefowe ensue that :33 you shouwd wuv his son *hugs tightly* deawwy? +By this kind of chase I shouwd *giggles shyly* hate him, f-fow my fathew >_< hated his +fathew deawwy; y-yet I *giggles shyly* hate nyot Owwando. +WOSAWIND. Nyo, faith, *giggles shyly* hate him nyot, f-fow my s-sake. +CEWIA. Why shouwd I UwU nyot? Doth he nyot d-desewve weww? + +Entew DUKE FWEDEWICK, w-with WOWDS + +WOSAWIND. Wet me wuv him f-fow *teleports behind you* that; and do :33 you wuv him because I +do. Wook, hewe comes the *teleports behind you* Duke. +CEWIA. With his eyes fuww of angew. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. Mistwess, dispatch :33 you w-with youw safest *blushes* haste, +:33 And get :33 you f-fwom ouw c-couwt. +WOSAWIND. Me, u-uncwe? +*moans* FWEDEWICK. ^.^ You, cousin. +Within these ten days i-if that thou beest found +S-So nyeaw ouw *blushes* pubwic couwt as twenty miwes, +Thou diest f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +WOSAWIND. I do b-beseech youw Gwace, +Wet me the knyowwedge of my *cuddles you* fauwt *hugs tightly* beaw w-with me. +I-If w-with mysewf I howd intewwigence, +Ow *looks away* have acquaintance w-with minye own desiwes; +I-If that I do nyot dweam, ow be nyot fwantic- +As I do twust I *giggles shyly* am nyot- then, deaw uncwe, +Nyevew so x3 much as in :3 a thought unbown +Did I offend youw Highnyess. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. Thus do aww t-twaitows; +I-If theiw puwgation did consist in w-wowds, +They awe as innyocent as gwace i-itsewf. +Wet i-it suffice thee that I twust thee nyot. +WOSAWIND. Yet youw mistwust cannyot m-make me :3 a twaitow. +Teww me wheweon the wikewihood depends. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. Thou awt thy fathew's daughtew; thewe's enyough. +WOSAWIND. SO w-was I when youw *leans over* Highnyess t-took his dukedom; +S-So w-was I when youw *leans over* Highnyess banyish'd :33 him. +Tweason xDD is nyot inhewited, my wowd; +Ow, i-if we did dewive i-it f-fwom ouw fwiends, +What's that to m-me? My fathew w-was nyo twaitow. +Then, good my *sighs* wiege, mistake me nyot so x3 much +To think my puvwty xDD is tweachewous. +CEWIA. ;;w;; Deaw >_> suvweign, heaw me speak. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. Ay, C-Cewia; we stay'd hew f-fow youw sake, +Ewse had she w-with hew fathew wang'd awong. +CEWIA. I did nyot then entweat to *looks away* have hew stay; +It w-was youw pweasuwe, and youw own wemowse; +I w-was too young that ;;w;; time to vawue hew, +But *pokes you* nyow I knyow hew. I-If she be :3 a t-twaitow, +Why so *giggles shyly* am I: we ^-^ stiww *looks away* have swept togethew, +Wose *teleports behind you* at an instant, weawn'd, p-pway'd, eat togethew; +:33 And whewesoe'ew we went, wike Junyo's swans, +Stiww we went c-coupwed and *sweats* insepawabwe. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. ^.^ She xDD is too subtwe f-fow thee; and hew smoothnyess, +Hew vewy siwence and hew patience, +Speak to the peopwe, and they pity hew. +Thou awt :3 a foow. ^.^ She wobs thee of thy nyame; +:33 And thou wiwt show mowe *sighs* bwight and *teleports behind you* seem mowe viwtuous +When she xDD is gonye. Then open nyot thy *sweats* wips. +Fiwm and *cuddles you* iwwevocabwe xDD is my doom +Which I *looks away* have pass'd upon hew; she xDD is banyish'd. +CEWIA. Pwonyounce that sentence, then, on me, my wiege; +I cannyot wive out of hew company. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. You awe :3 a foow. ^.^ You, nyiece, pwovide *sweats* youwsewf. +I-If :33 you outstay the time, upon minye honyouw, +:33 And in the gweatnyess of my wowd, :33 you d-die. +Exeunt DUKE and WOWDS +CEWIA. uWu O my poow Wosawind! Whithew wiwt thou go? +Wiwt thou change *moans* fathews? I wiww give thee minye. +I c-chawge thee be nyot thou mowe gwiev'd than I am. +WOSAWIND. I *looks away* have mowe cause. +CEWIA. Thou hast nyot, cousin. +Pwithee be cheewfuw. Knyow'st thou nyot the Duke +Hath banyish'd me, his daughtew? +WOSAWIND. That he hath nyot. +CEWIA. Nyo, hath UwU nyot? Wosawind wacks, then, the wuv +Which teacheth thee that thou and I *giggles shyly* am onye. +Shaww we be sund'wed? Shaww we pawt, sweet giww? +Nyo; w-wet my fathew seek uWu anyothew h-heiw. +Thewefowe devise w-with me how we may fwy, +Whithew to go, and what to *hugs tightly* beaw w-with us; +:33 And do nyot seek to take youw c-chawge upon you, +To *hugs tightly* beaw youw gwiefs youwsewf, and weave me out; +Fow, by this heaven, *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at ouw sowwows pawe, +ÚwÚ Say what thou canst, I-I'ww go awong w-with *cuddles you* thee. +WOSAWIND. Why, whithew shaww we go? +CEWIA. To seek my u-uncwe in the Fowest of A-Awden. +WOSAWIND. A-Awas, what dangew wiww i-it be to u-us, +Maids as we awe, to t-twavew fowth so faw! +Beauty pwovoketh thieves soonyew than gowd. +CEWIA. I-I'ww put mysewf in poow and m-mean attiwe, +:33 And w-with :3 a kind of *looks away* umbew smiwch my face; +The wike do y-you; so shaww we pass awong, +:33 And nyevew stiw assaiwants. +WOSAWIND. W-Wewe i-it nyot bettew, +:33 Because that I *giggles shyly* am mowe than common taww, +That I did suit me aww p-points wike :3 a man? +A gawwant cuwtwe-axe upon my thigh, +A boaw speaw in my *sighs* hand; a-and- in my h-heawt +Wie thewe what hidden woman's feaw thewe wiww- +We'ww *looks away* have :3 a swashing and :3 a mawtiaw outside, +As many othew mannyish cowawds *looks away* have +That do outface i-it w-with theiw sembwances. +CEWIA. What shaww I caww thee when thou awt :3 a man? +WOSAWIND. I-I'ww *looks away* have nyo wowse :3 a *leans over* nyame than Juv's own page, +:33 And thewefowe wook :33 you caww me Ganymede. +But what wiww :33 you be c-caww'd? +CEWIA. Something that hath :3 a ^.^ wefewence to my state: +*cuddles you* Nyo wongew Cewia, b-but Awienya. +WOSAWIND. But, cousin, what i-if we a-assay'd to steaw +The c-cwownyish foow out of youw fathew's couwt? +Wouwd he nyot be :3 a comfowt to ouw *cries* twavew? +CEWIA. He'ww go awong o'ew the wide >_> wowwd w-with me; +W-Weave me uWu awonye to woo :33 him. Wet's away, +:33 And get ouw jewews and ouw weawth togethew; +Devise the fittest ;;w;; time and safest way +To hide us f-fwom ÚwÚ puwsuit that wiww be xDD made +Aftew my fwight. Nyow go we in *notices bulge* content +To wibewty, and nyot to *looks at you* banyishment. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +The Fowest of *giggles shyly* Awden + +Entew DUKE SENyIOW, A-AMIENS, and t-two ow thwee WOWDS, wike fowestews + +DUKE SENyIOW. Nyow, my co-mates and UwU bwothews in exiwe, +Hath nyot *giggles shyly* owd custom xDD made this w-wife mowe sweet +Than that of painted pomp? Awe nyot these woods +Mowe fwee f-fwom pewiw than the envious couwt? +Hewe feew we nyot the penyawty of Adam, +The seasons' diffewence; as the icy fang +:33 And >w< chuwwish chiding of the wintew's wind, +Which when i-it bites and bwows upon my body, +Even tiww I shwink w-with cowd, I smiwe and say +'This xDD is nyo fwattewy; these awe UwU counsewwows +That *hugs tightly* feewingwy pewsuade me what I a-am.' +Sweet awe the uses of advewsity, +W-Which, wike the toad, ugwy and venyomous, +Weaws y-yet :3 a pwecious jewew in his head; +:33 And this ouw wife, exempt f-fwom *blushes* pubwic h-haunt, +Finds tongues in twees, books in the wunnying bwooks, +Sewmons in stonyes, and good in evewything. +I wouwd nyot change *hugs tightly* it. +AMIENS. Happy xDD is youw Gwace, +That can twanswate the stubbownnyess of fowtunye +Into so quiet and so sweet :3 a stywe. +DUKE SENyIOW. Come, shaww we go and kiww us venyison? +:33 And y-yet i-it iwks me the poow dappwed *pokes you* foows, +:3 Being n-nyative buwghews of this desewt city, +Shouwd, in theiw own *notices bulge* confinyes, w-with fowked heads +Have theiw wound haunches gow'd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Indeed, my wowd, +The mewanchowy Jaques g-gwieves *teleports behind you* at *teleports behind you* that; +And, in that kind, sweaws :33 you do mowe usuwp +Than doth youw bwothew that hath banyish'd you. +To-day my Wowd of Amiens and mysewf +Did steaw behind him as he way awong +Undew an oak *screams* whose antique w-woot peeps out +*cries* Upon the bwook that b-bwawws awong this wood! +To the which pwace :3 a poow sequest'wed ÚwÚ stag, +That f-fwom the *looks at you* huntew's aim had ta'en :3 a huwt, +Did come to *sighs* wanguish; and, i-indeed, my wowd, +The wwetched anyimaw heav'd fowth *looks at you* such gwoans +That theiw dischawge did stwetch his w-weathewn coat +Awmost to buwsting; and the big wound teaws +Couws'd onye uWu anyothew down his innyocent nyose +In >_< piteous ÚwÚ chase; and uWu thus the haiwy foow, +*looks away* Much mawked of the mewanchowy Jaques, +Stood on *sighs* th' extwemest vewge of the swift bwook, +Augmenting i-it w-with teaws. +DUKE SENyIOW. But what said J-Jaques? +Did he nyot mowawize this spectacwe? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. O, yes, into :3 a thousand simiwes. +Fiwst, f-fow his weeping into the nyeedwess stweam: +'Poow OwO deew,' quoth he 'thou mak'st :3 a testament +As wowwdwings do, giving thy sum of mowe +To that which had too much.' Then, b-being thewe awonye, +Weft and abandonyed of his vewvet fwiends: +''Tis wight'; quoth he 'thus ^-^ misewy doth pawt +The fwux of company.' A-Anyon, :3 a cawewess h-hewd, +*sighs* Fuww of the pastuwe, jumps awong by him +:33 And nyevew stays to gweet :33 him. >_< 'Ay,' quoth Jaques +'Sweep on, :33 you fat and gweasy citizens; +'Tis just the fashion. Whewefowe do :33 you wook +*cries* Upon that poow and bwoken bankwupt thewe?' +Thus m-most invectivewy he p-piewceth thwough +The ^w^ body of the countwy, city, couwt, +Yea, and of this ouw wife; sweawing that we +Awe *cuddles you* mewe usuwpews, tywants, and w-what's wowse, +To ^.^ fwight the anyimaws, and to kiww them up +In theiw assign'd and n-nyative d-dwewwing-pwace. +DUKE SENyIOW. :33 And did :33 you weave him in this *blushes* contempwation? +SECOND WOWD. We did, my wowd, weeping and commenting +*cries* Upon the sobbing deew. +DUKE SENyIOW. Show me the pwace; +I wuv to cope him in these suwwen fits, +Fow then he's fuww of mattew. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I-I'ww bwing :33 you to him stwaight. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The DUKE'S pawace + +Entew DUKE FWEDEWICK, w-with WOWDS + +*moans* FWEDEWICK. *sweats* Can i-it be possibwe that nyo man saw t-them? +It cannyot be; some viwwains of my couwt +Awe of consent and suffewance in this. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I cannyot heaw of *sighs* any that did see hew. +The wadies, hew *screams* attendants of hew *cries* chambew, +^-^ Saw hew *giggles shyly* abed, and in the ^-^ mownying eawwy +They found the *looks away* bed untweasuw'd of theiw *screams* mistwess. +SECOND WOWD. My wowd, the woynyish cwown, *teleports behind you* at whom so oft +Youw G-Gwace w-was wont to waugh, xDD is a-awso missing. +Hispewia, the Pwincess' gentwewoman, +Confesses that she secwetwy o'ewheawd +Youw daughtew and hew cousin x3 much commend +The *looks away* pawts and gwaces of the wwestwew +That did b-but watewy foiw the ^-^ sinyewy Chawwes; +:33 And she bewieves, whewevew they awe gonye, +That youth xDD is suwewy in theiw company. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. Send to his bwothew; fetch that gawwant hithew. +I-If he be absent, bwing his bwothew to me; +I-I'ww m-make him find :33 him. Do this UwU suddenwy; +:33 And w-wet nyot seawch and inquisition quaiw +To bwing a-again these f-foowish ^.^ wunyaways. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Befowe *hugs tightly* OWIVEW'S h-house + +Entew OWWANDO and ;;w;; ADAM, m-meeting + +^.^ OWWANDO. Who's thewe? +x3 ADAM. *looks away* What, my young mastew? uWu O my gentwe mastew! +uWu O my sweet mastew! uWu O :33 you memowy +Of *giggles shyly* owd S-Siw Wowwand! Why, what m-make :33 you hewe? +Why awe :33 you >_> viwtuous? Why do UwU peopwe wuv you? +:33 And whewefowe awe :33 you gentwe, stwong, and vawiant? +Why wouwd :33 you be so fond to uvwcome +The bonny pwizew of the humowous Duke? +Youw pwaise xDD is come too swiftwy home befowe you. +K-Knyow :33 you nyot, mastew, to some kind of men +Theiw gwaces sewve them b-but as enyemies? +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe do youws. Youw viwtues, gentwe mastew, +Awe sanctified and howy twaitows to you. +O, what :3 a >_> wowwd xDD is this, when what xDD is comewy +Envenyoms him that *twerks* beaws i-it! +^.^ OWWANDO. Why, w-what's the mattew? +x3 ADAM. uWu O u-unhappy uWu youth! +Come nyot *teleports behind you* within these doows; *teleports behind you* within this woof +The enyemy of aww youw gwaces wives. +Youw bwothew- nyo, nyo bwothew; y-yet the son- +Yet nyot the s-son; I wiww nyot caww him son +Of him I w-was ^w^ about to caww his fathew- +Hath heawd youw pwaises; and this nyight he means +To buwn the wodging whewe :33 you use to wie, +:33 And :33 you *teleports behind you* within *hugs tightly* it. I-If he f-faiw of t-that, +He wiww *looks away* have othew means to cut :33 you off; +I uvwheawd him and his pwactices. +T-This xDD is nyo pwace; this h-house xDD is b-but :3 a butchewy; +Abhow uWu it, feaw uWu it, do nyot entew *hugs tightly* it. +^.^ OWWANDO. Why, ^-^ whithew, Adam, w-wouwdst thou *looks away* have me go? +x3 ADAM. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mattew ^-^ whithew, so :33 you come nyot hewe. +^.^ OWWANDO. *looks away* What, w-wouwdst thou *looks away* have me go and beg my food, +Ow w-with :3 a base and boist'wous swowd enfowce +A *giggles shyly* thievish wiving on the common woad? +T-This I must do, ow knyow nyot what to do; +Yet this I wiww nyot do, do how I can. +I wathew wiww subject me to the mawice +Of :3 a divewted bwood and bwoody b-bwothew. +x3 ADAM. But do nyot so. I *looks away* have f-five hundwed cwowns, +The *hugs tightly* thwifty hiwe I sav'd undew youw fathew, +Which I did stowe to be my fostew-nyuwse, +When >_> sewvice shouwd in my *giggles shyly* owd wimbs wie wame, +:33 And unwegawded ^w^ age in c-cownyews thwown. +Take t-that, and He that doth the wavens feed, +Yea, pwovidentwy catews f-fow the spawwow, +Be comfowt to my age! Hewe xDD is the gowd; +A-Aww this I give you. Wet me be youw xDD sewvant; +*shuffles closer* Though I wook o-owd, y-yet I *giggles shyly* am stwong and wusty; +Fow in my youth I nyevew did appwy +Hot and *shuffles closer* webewwious wiquows in my bwood, +Nyow did nyot w-with unbashfuw fowehead woo +The means of weaknyess and debiwity; +Thewefowe my ^w^ age xDD is as :3 a wusty wintew, +Fwosty, b-but kindwy. Wet me go w-with y-you; +I-I'ww do the >_> sewvice of :3 a *blushes* youngew man +In aww youw businyess and n-nyecessities. +^.^ OWWANDO. uWu O good *giggles shyly* owd man, how weww in thee *leans over* appeaws +The *hugs tightly* constant >_> sewvice of the antique wowwd, +When >_> sewvice *looks at you* sweat f-fow duty, nyot f-fow meed! +Thou awt nyot f-fow the fashion of these times, +Whewe nyonye wiww *looks at you* sweat b-but f-fow pwomotion, +:33 And having that do choke theiw >_> sewvice up +Even w-with the having; i-it xDD is nyot so w-with *cuddles you* thee. +But, poow *giggles shyly* owd man, thou pwun'st :3 a wotten ^.^ twee +That cannyot so x3 much as :3 a bwossom y-yiewd +In wieu of aww thy pains and husbandwy. +But come thy ways, we'ww go awong togethew, +:33 And ewe we *looks away* have thy *leans over* youthfuw wages *sweats* spent +We'ww wight upon some s-settwed wow content. +x3 ADAM. Mastew, go on; and I wiww fowwow the +To the wast gasp, w-with *looks away* twuth and woyawty. +Fwom seventeen x3 yeaws tiww *pokes you* nyow awmost f-fouw-scowe +Hewe wived I, b-but *pokes you* nyow wive hewe nyo mowe. +At seventeen x3 yeaws many theiw f-fowtunyes seek, +But *teleports behind you* at fouwscowe i-it xDD is too wate :3 a week; +Yet fowtunye cannyot wecompense me bettew +Than to *leans over* die weww and nyot my mastew's debtow. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +The Fowest of *giggles shyly* Awden + +Entew WOSAWIND f-fow GANYMEDE, CEWIA f-fow AWIENyA, and CWOWN awias TOUCHSTONyE + +WOSAWIND. uWu O Jupitew, how weawy awe my ^w^ spiwits! +TOUCHSTONyE. I Cawe nyot f-fow my spiwits, i-if my *hugs tightly* wegs wewe nyot *pokes you* weawy. +WOSAWIND. I couwd find in my h-heawt to *shuffles closer* disgwace my man's appawew, +and to cwy wike :3 a w-woman; b-but I must comfowt the weakew v-vessew, as +doubwet and hose ought to show itsewf couwageous to petticoat; +thewefowe, couwage, good Awienya. +CEWIA. I pway :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw w-with me; I cannyot go nyo fuwthew. +TOUCHSTONyE. Fow my pawt, I had wathew *hugs tightly* beaw w-with :33 you than *hugs tightly* beaw y-you; +y-yet I shouwd *hugs tightly* beaw nyo cwoss i-if I did *hugs tightly* beaw y-you; f-fow I think :33 you +*looks away* have nyo monyey in youw puwse. +WOSAWIND. Weww,. this xDD is the Fowest of A-Awden. +TOUCHSTONyE. Ay, *pokes you* nyow *giggles shyly* am I in Awden; the mowe foow I; when I w-was *teleports behind you* at +home I w-was in :3 a bettew pwace; b-but twavewwews must be content. + +Entew COWIN and SIWVIUS + +WOSAWIND. Ay, be s-so, good Touchstonye. Wook you, who comes hewe, :3 a +young man and an *giggles shyly* owd in sowemn tawk. +C-COWIN. That xDD is the way to m-make hew scown :33 you s-stiww. +SIWVIUS. uWu O Cowin, that thou knyew'st how I do wuv hew! +C-COWIN. I pawtwy guess; f-fow I *looks away* have wov'd ewe nyow. +SIWVIUS. Nyo, Cowin, b-being o-owd, thou c-canst nyot guess, +*shuffles closer* Though in thy youth thou wast as twue :3 a wuvw +As evew sigh'd upon :3 a *cuddles you* midnyight p-piwwow. +But i-if thy wuv wewe evew wike to minye, +As suwe I think did nyevew man wuv s-so, +How many actions m-most widicuwous +*hugs tightly* Hast thou been d-dwawn to by thy fantasy? +C-COWIN. Into :3 a thousand that I *looks away* have fowgotten. +SIWVIUS. O, thou didst then nyevew wuv so heawtiwy! +I-If thou wememb'west nyot the swightest fowwy +That evew wuv did m-make thee wun i-into, +Thou hast nyot wov'd; +Ow i-if thou hast nyot *blushes* sat as I do nyow, +Weawing thy heawew in thy mistwess' *cuddles you* pwaise, +Thou hast nyot wov'd; +Ow i-if thou hast nyot bwoke f-fwom *giggles shyly* company +Abwuptwy, as my passion *pokes you* nyow makes me, +Thou hast nyot wov'd. +uWu O Phebe, Phebe, Phebe! E-Exit Siwvius +WOSAWIND. A-Awas, poow shephewd! seawching of thy wound, +I *looks away* have by hawd adventuwe found minye own. +TOUCHSTONyE. :33 And I minye. I wemembew, when I w-was in OwO wuv, I bwoke my +swowd upon :3 a stonye, and *giggles shyly* bid him take that f-fow coming a-nyight to +Janye Smiwe; and I w-wemembew the ;;w;; kissing of hew :33 batwew, and the +*giggles shyly* cow's dugs that hew pwetty *shuffles closer* chopt hands had m-miwk'd; and I w-wemembew +the wooing of p-peascod instead of hew; f-fwom whom I t-took t-two cods, +and giving hew them again, said w-with weeping teaws 'Weaw these +f-fow my sake.' We that awe twue wuvws wun into s-stwange c-capews; +b-but as aww xDD is mowtaw in nyatuwe, so xDD is aww nyatuwe in wuv mowtaw +in fowwy. +WOSAWIND. Thou ;;w;; speak'st wisew than thou awt wawe o-of. +TOUCHSTONyE. Nyay, I shaww nye'ew be wawe of minye own wit tiww I bweak +my shins against *hugs tightly* it. +WOSAWIND. Juv, :33 Juv! this shephewd's passion +Is x3 much upon my fashion. +TOUCHSTONyE. :33 And minye; b-but i-it g-gwows something stawe w-with me. +CEWIA. I pway you, onye of :33 you q-question yond man +I-If he f-fow gowd wiww give us *sighs* any food; +I f-faint awmost to death. +TOUCHSTONyE. *looks at you* Howwa, :33 you cwown! +WOSAWIND. Peace, foow; he's nyot thy Ensman. +C-COWIN. Who cawws? +TOUCHSTONyE. Youw b-bettews, siw. +C-COWIN. Ewse awe they vewy wwetched. +WOSAWIND. Peace, I say. *pokes you* Good even to you, fwiend. +C-COWIN. :33 And to you, gentwe siw, and to :33 you aww. +WOSAWIND. I pwithee, shephewd, i-if that wuv ow gowd +*sweats* Can in this desewt pwace buy entewtainment, +Bwing us whewe we may west *leans over* ouwsewves and feed. +Hewe's :3 a young maid w-with t-twavew x3 much oppwess'd, +:33 And faints f-fow *giggles shyly* succouw. +C-COWIN. Faiw siw, I pity hew, +:33 And wish, f-fow hew sake mowe than f-fow minye own, +My f-fowtunyes wewe mowe abwe to wewieve hew; +But I *giggles shyly* am shephewd to uWu anyothew man, +:33 And do nyot sheaw the fweeces that I gwaze. +My mastew xDD is of >w< chuwwish disposition, +:33 And wittwe wecks to find the way to heaven +By doing d-deeds of hospitawity. +Besides, his cote, his f-fwocks, and bounds of feed, +Awe *pokes you* nyow on *screams* sawe; and *teleports behind you* at ouw *hugs tightly* sheepcote nyow, +By weason of his a-absence, thewe xDD is nyothing +That :33 you wiww feed on; b-but what is, come s-see, +:33 And in my voice m-most wewcome shaww :33 you b-be. +WOSAWIND. What xDD is he that shaww buy his fwock and pastuwe? +C-COWIN. That young swain that :33 you saw hewe b-but ewewhiwe, +That wittwe cawes f-fow ÚwÚ buying *sighs* any thing. +WOSAWIND. I pway thee, i-if i-it s-stand w-with honyesty, +Buy thou the c-cottage, pastuwe, and the f-fwock, +:33 And thou shawt *looks away* have to pay f-fow i-it of us. +CEWIA. :33 And we wiww mend thy wages. I wike this pwace, +:33 And wiwwingwy couwd >_> waste my ;;w;; time in *hugs tightly* it. +C-COWIN. Assuwedwy the thing xDD is to be sowd. +G-Go w-with me; i-if :33 you wike upon wepowt +The soiw, the pwofit, and this kind of wife, +I wiww youw vewy faithfuw feedew be, +:33 And buy i-it w-with youw gowd wight suddenwy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fowest + +Entew A-AMIENS, JAQUES, and OTHEWS + +SONG +AMIENS. Undew the *notices bulge* gweenwood ^.^ twee +Who wuvs to wie w-with me, +:33 And t-tuwn his mewwy nyote +Unto the sweet biwd's thwoat, +Come h-hithew, come h-hithew, come hithew. +Hewe shaww he see +*cuddles you* Nyo enyemy +But wintew and wough weathew. + +JAQUES. Mowe, m-mowe, I pwithee, mowe. +AMIENS. It wiww m-make :33 you m-mewanchowy, Monsieuw J-Jaques. +JAQUES. I *notices bulge* thank *hugs tightly* it. Mowe, I pwithee, mowe. I can s-suck mewanchowy +out of :3 a song, as :3 a weasew ^-^ sucks eggs. Mowe, I pwithee, mowe. +AMIENS. My voice xDD is w-wagged; I knyow I cannyot p-pwease you. +JAQUES. I do nyot UwU desiwe :33 you to p-pwease me; I do UwU desiwe :33 you to *moans* sing. +Come, mowe; uWu anyothew stanzo. Caww :33 you 'em stanzos? +AMIENS. What :33 you wiww, Monsieuw J-Jaques. +JAQUES. Nyay, I cawe nyot f-fow theiw nyames; they owe me nyothing. Wiww +:33 you s-sing? +AMIENS. Mowe *teleports behind you* at youw wequest than to p-pwease mysewf. +JAQUES. Weww then, i-if evew I *notices bulge* thank *sighs* any man, I-I'ww *notices bulge* thank y-you; b-but +that they caww compwiment xDD is wike *sighs* th' encountew of t-two dog-apes; +and when :3 a man t-thanks me heawtiwy, methinks *looks away* have xDD given him :3 a +penny, and he wendews me the beggawwy *looks away* thanks. Come, sing; and :33 you +that wiww nyot, howd youw *cries* tongues. +AMIENS. Weww, I-I'ww e-end the song. *hugs tightly* Siws, cuvw the whiwe; the Duke +wiww dwink undew this t-twee. He hath been aww this day to wook +you. +JAQUES. :33 And I *looks away* have been aww this day to avoid :33 him. He xDD is to +disputabwe f-fow my company. I think of as many ^w^ mattews as he; b-but +I give heaven thanks, and m-make nyo boast of them. Come, wawbwe, +come. + +SONG +[Aww >_> togethew hewe] + +Who doth ambition shun, +:33 And wuvs to wive i' *sighs* th' *looks at you* sun, +Seeking the food he eats, +:33 And :33 pweas'd w-with what he gets, +Come h-hithew, come h-hithew, come hithew. +Hewe shaww he see +*cuddles you* Nyo enyemy +But wintew and wough weathew. + +JAQUES. I-I'ww give :33 you :3 a vewse to this nyote that I xDD made yestewday in +despite of my *teleports behind you* invention. +AMIENS. :33 And I-I'ww sing *hugs tightly* it. +JAQUES. Thus i-it goes: + +I-If i-it do come to pass +That *sighs* any man t-tuwn ass, +Weaving his weawth and ease +A *sweats* stubbown wiww to pwease, +Ducdame, ducdame, d-ducdame; +Hewe shaww he see +Gwoss foows as uWu he, +An i-if he wiww come to me. + +AMIENS. What's that '-'ducdame'? +JAQUES. 'Tis :3 a G-Gweek invocation, to caww foows into :3 a ciwcwe. I-I'ww +go sweep, i-if I can; i-if I cannyot, I-I'ww waiw against aww the +x3 fiwst-bown of Egypt. +AMIENS. :33 And I-I'ww go seek the Duke; his banquet xDD is pwepaw'd. +Exeunt *moans* sevewawwy + + + + +SCENyE VI. +The fowest + +Entew OWWANDO and ADAM + +x3 ADAM. ;;w;; Deaw mastew, I can go nyo fuwthew. O, I *leans over* die f-fow food! Hewe wie +I down, and measuwe out my gwave. Faweweww, kind m-mastew. +^.^ OWWANDO. Why, how nyow, Adam! *cuddles you* Nyo gweatew h-heawt in thee? >w< Wive :3 a +wittwe; comfowt :3 a wittwe; c-cheew thysewf :3 a w-wittwe. I-If this uncouth +fowest y-yiewd anything savage, I wiww eithew be food f-fow i-it ow +bwing i-it f-fow food to *cuddles you* thee. Thy *teleports behind you* conceit xDD is nyeawew death than thy +powews. Fow my sake be comfowtabwe; howd death awhiwe *teleports behind you* at the +a-awm's end. I wiww hewe be w-with the p-pwesentwy; and i-if I bwing thee +nyot something to eat, I wiww give thee weave to ^w^ die; b-but i-if thou +diest befowe I *giggles shyly* come, thou awt :3 a mockew of my w-wabouw. Weww said! +thou *moans* wook'st cheewwy; and I-I'ww be w-with thee quickwy. Yet thou +wiest in the bweak aiw. Come, I wiww *hugs tightly* beaw thee to some shewtew; +and thou shawt nyot *leans over* die f-fow w-wack of :3 a dinnyew, i-if thewe wive +anything in this desewt. Cheewwy, good Adam! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +The fowest + +A tabwe set out. Entew DUKE SENyIOW, A-AMIENS, and WOWDS, wike outwaws + +DUKE SENyIOW. I think he be twansfowm'd into :3 a beast; +Fow I can nyowhewe find him wike :3 a man. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. My wowd, he xDD is b-but even *pokes you* nyow gonye hence; +Hewe w-was he mewwy, heawing of :3 a song. +DUKE SENyIOW. I-If uWu he, compact of jaws, gwow musicaw, +We shaww *looks away* have showtwy discowd in the s-sphewes. +G-Go seek him; t-teww him I wouwd speak w-with :33 him. + +Entew JAQUES + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. He ^-^ saves my wabouw by his own a-appwoach. +DUKE SENyIOW. Why, how nyow, monsieuw! what :3 a w-wife xDD is this, +That youw poow fwiends must woo youw company? +*looks away* What, :33 you wook mewwiwy! +JAQUES. A foow, :3 a foow! I met :3 a foow i' *sighs* th' fowest, +A UwU motwey foow. A misewabwe wowwd! +As I do wive by food, I met :3 a foow, +Who *hugs tightly* waid him down and bask'd him in the *looks at you* sun, +:33 And waiw'd on Wady Fowtunye in good tewms, +In good set t-tewms- and y-yet :3 a UwU motwey foow. +'Good mowwow, foow,' quoth I; 'Nyo, siw,' quoth uWu he, +'Caww me nyot foow tiww heaven hath sent me fowtunye.' +:33 And then he dwew :3 a diaw f-fwom his poke, +And, wooking on i-it w-with wack-wustwe eye, +*notices bulge* Says vewy wisewy, 'It xDD is ten o'cwock; +Thus we may *leans over* see,' quoth uWu he, *leans over* 'how the >_> wowwd wags; +'Tis b-but an houw ago since i-it w-was n-nyinye; +:33 And *looks away* aftew onye houw mowe 'twiww be e-eweven; +:33 And s-so, f-fwom houw to houw, we wipe and wipe, +:33 And then, f-fwom houw to houw, we wot and wot; +:33 And theweby h-hangs :3 a tawe.' When I did heaw +The UwU motwey foow uWu thus mowaw on the time, +My wungs b-began to cwow wike chanticweew +That foows shouwd be so deep contempwative; +:33 And I did waugh sans intewmission +An houw by his diaw. uWu O nyobwe foow! +A wowthy foow! Motwey's the onwy weaw. +DUKE SENyIOW. What foow xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +JAQUES. uWu O wowthy foow! Onye that hath been :3 a couwtiew, +:33 And OwO says, i-if wadies be b-but young and faiw, +They *looks away* have the gift to knyow it; and in his bwain, +Which xDD is as dwy as the wemaindew biscuit +Aftew :3 a voyage, he hath s-stwange pwaces :33 cwamm'd +With obsewvation, the which he vents +In mangwed fowms. uWu O that I wewe :3 a foow! +I *giggles shyly* am ambitious f-fow :3 a UwU motwey coat. +DUKE SENyIOW. Thou shawt *looks away* have onye. +JAQUES. It xDD is my onwy suit, +Pwovided that :33 you w-weed youw bettew judgments +Of aww ;;w;; opinyion that g-gwows wank in them +That I *giggles shyly* am wise. I must *looks away* have *leans over* wibewty +Withaw, as wawge :3 a chawtew as the wind, +To bwow on whom I pwease, f-fow so foows have; +:33 And they that awe m-most gawwed w-with my f-fowwy, +They m-most must waugh. :33 And why, siw, must they so? +The why xDD is pwain as way to pawish chuwch: +He that :3 a foow doth vewy wisewy hit +Doth vewy f-foowishwy, awthough he smawt, +Nyot to *teleports behind you* seem s-sensewess of the bob; i-if nyot, +The wise man's fowwy xDD is anyatomiz'd +Even by the *screams* squand'wing UwU gwances of the foow. +Invest me in my motwey; give me weave +To speak my mind, and I wiww thwough and thwough +Cweanse the fouw ^w^ body of *sighs* th' infected wowwd, +I-If they wiww patientwy weceive my medicinye. +DUKE SENyIOW. Fie on thee! I can t-teww what thou w-wouwdst do. +JAQUES. *looks away* What, f-fow :3 a countew, wouwd I do b-but good? +DUKE SENyIOW. Most Mischievous fouw sin, in chiding sin; +Fow thou thysewf hast been :3 a wibewtinye, +As sensuaw as the bwutish sting itsewf; +:33 And aww *sighs* th' embossed s-sowes and headed eviws +That thou w-with wicense of fwee foot hast *leans over* caught +Wouwdst thou d-disgowge into the genyewaw wowwd. +JAQUES. Why, who cwies out on pwide +That can t-thewein tax *sighs* any pwivate pawty? +Doth i-it nyot fwow as hugewy as the sea, +Tiww that the weawew's vewy means do ebb? +What woman in the city do I *leans over* nyame +When that I say the city-woman *twerks* beaws +The cost of pwinces on u-unwowthy shouwdews? +Who can come in and say that I m-mean hew, +When *looks at you* such :3 a onye as she *looks at you* such xDD is hew nyeighbouw? +Ow what xDD is he of *sweats* basest function +That says his b-bwavewy xDD is nyot on my cost, +Thinking that I m-mean him, b-but t-thewein suits +His fowwy to the mettwe of my s-speech? +Thewe then! how then? what then? Wet me see whewein +My *notices bulge* tongue hath wwong'd him: i-if i-it do him wight, +Then he hath wwong'd himsewf; i-if he be fwee, +Why then my t-taxing wike :3 a wiwd-goose fwies, +Uncwaim'd of *sighs* any man. But who comes hewe? + +Entew OWWANDO w-with his swowd d-dwawn + +^.^ OWWANDO. Fowbeaw, and eat nyo mowe. +JAQUES. Why, I *looks away* have eat nyonye yet. +^.^ OWWANDO. Nyow shawt nyot, tiww nyecessity be sewv'd. +JAQUES. Of what kind shouwd this cock come *cries* of? +DUKE SENyIOW. Awt thou uWu thus bowden'd, man, by thy distwess? +Ow ewse :3 a wude despisew of good mannyews, +That in c-civiwity thou seem'st so empty? +^.^ OWWANDO. You touch'd my vein *teleports behind you* at fiwst: the *screams* thowny point +Of bawe distwess hath ta'en f-fwom me the show +Of smooth civiwity; y-yet awn I inwand bwed, +:33 And knyow some nyuwtuwe. But fowbeaw, I say; +He dies that touches *sighs* any of this fwuit +Tiww I and my affaiws awe answewed. +JAQUES. An :33 you wiww nyot be answew'd w-with weason, I must d-die. +DUKE SENyIOW. What wouwd :33 you have? Youw gentwenyess shaww fowce +Mowe than youw fowce muv us to gentwenyess. +^.^ OWWANDO. I awmost *leans over* die f-fow food, and w-wet me *looks away* have *hugs tightly* it. +DUKE SENyIOW. Sit down and feed, and wewcome to ouw tabwe. +^.^ OWWANDO. Speak :33 you so gentwy? Pawdon me, I pway y-you; +I thought that aww *moans* things had been savage hewe, +:33 And thewefowe put I on the c-countenyance +Of stewn commandment. But whate'ew :33 you awe +That in this desewt *shuffles closer* inyaccessibwe, +Undew the shade of mewanchowy b-boughs, +Wose and nyegwect the >_> cweeping houws of time; +I-If evew :33 you *looks away* have w-wook'd on bettew days, +I-If evew been whewe bewws *looks away* have knyoww'd to *teleports behind you* chuwch, +I-If evew *blushes* sat *teleports behind you* at *sighs* any good man's :33 feast, +I-If evew f-fwom youw *sighs* eyewids wip'd :3 a teaw, +:33 And knyow what 'tis to pity and be *cries* pitied, +Wet gentwenyess my stwong enfowcement be; +In the which hope I bwush, and hide my swowd. +DUKE SENyIOW. Twue xDD is i-it that we *looks away* have :33 seen bettew days, +:33 And *looks away* have w-with howy UwU beww been knyoww'd to *teleports behind you* chuwch, +:33 And *blushes* sat *teleports behind you* at good men's feasts, and wip'd ouw eyes +Of d-dwops that s-sacwed pity hath engend'wed; +:33 And thewefowe sit :33 you down in gentwenyess, +:33 And take upon command what h-hewp we *looks away* have +That to youw wanting may be minyist'wed. +^.^ OWWANDO. Then b-but fowbeaw youw food :3 a wittwe whiwe, +Whiwes, wike :3 a doe, I go to find my fawn, +:33 And give i-it >_> food. Thewe xDD is an *giggles shyly* owd poow man +Who *looks away* aftew me hath many :3 a weawy step +x3 Wimp'd in puwe wuv; tiww he be fiwst suffic'd, +Oppwess'd w-with t-two w-weak e-eviws, ^w^ age and *shuffles closer* hungew, +I wiww nyot touch :3 a bit. +DUKE SENyIOW. G-Go find him out. +:33 And we wiww nyothing >_> waste tiww :33 you wetuwn. +^.^ OWWANDO. I *notices bulge* thank ye; and be bwest f-fow youw good comfowt! +E-Exit +DUKE SENyIOW. Thou seest we awe nyot aww uWu awonye unhappy: +T-This wide and unyivewsaw theatwe +Pwesents mowe woefuw pageants than the scenye +Whewein we pway i-in. +JAQUES. A-Aww the wowwd's :3 a stage, +:33 And aww the men and women m-mewewy pwayews; +They *looks away* have theiw exits and theiw entwances; +:33 And onye man in his ;;w;; time pways many pawts, +His acts b-being seven ages. At fiwst the *hugs tightly* infant, +Mewwing and puking in the nyuwse's awms; +Then the w-whinying schoow-boy, w-with his satchew +:33 And s-shinying ^-^ mownying face, >_> cweeping wike snyaiw +Unwiwwingwy to schoow. :33 And then the wuvw, +Sighing wike fuwnyace, w-with :3 a woefuw bawwad +Made to his mistwess' eyebwow. Then :3 a s-sowdiew, +*sighs* Fuww of s-stwange oaths, and beawded wike the pawd, +Jeawous in honyouw, sudden and quick in quawwew, +Seeking the bubbwe w-weputation +Even in the cannyon's mouth. :33 And then the justice, +In f-faiw wound bewwy w-with good capon w-win'd, +With eyes sevewe and beawd of fowmaw ^.^ cut, +*sighs* Fuww of wise s-saws and modewn instances; +:33 And so he pways his pawt. The sixth ^w^ age *sweats* shifts +Into the wean and *sweats* swippew'd pantawoon, +With spectacwes on nyose and pouch on side, +His *leans over* youthfuw hose, weww sav'd, :3 a >_> wowwd too wide +Fow his shwunk s-shank; and his big m-manwy voice, +*looks at you* Tuwnying a-again t-towawd chiwdish twebwe, pipes +:33 And whistwes in his sound. Wast scenye of aww, +That ends this s-stwange eventfuw *notices bulge* histowy, +Is second chiwdishnyess and *cuddles you* mewe obwivion; +Sans *sweats* teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans evewy thing. + +We-entew OWWANDO w-with ADAM + +DUKE SENyIOW. Wewcome. Set down youw *notices bulge* venyewabwe buwden. +:33 And w-wet him feed. +^.^ OWWANDO. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you m-most f-fow :33 him. +x3 ADAM. S-So had :33 you OwO nyeed; +I scawce can speak to *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow mysewf. +DUKE SENyIOW. *leans over* Wewcome; faww to. I wiww nyot twoubwe :33 you +As y-yet to q-question :33 you ^w^ about youw *moans* fowtunyes. +Give us some music; and, good cousin, *moans* sing. + +SONG +B-Bwow, bwow, thou wintew wind, +Thou awt nyot so unkind +As man's ingwatitude; +Thy tooth xDD is nyot so keen, +:33 Because thou awt nyot seen, +Awthough thy bweath be wude. +Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the gween howwy. +Most fwiendship xDD is feignying, m-most woving *cuddles you* mewe fowwy. +Then, heigh-ho, the howwy! +T-This w-wife xDD is m-most jowwy. + +Fweeze, fweeze, thou bittew sky, +That dost nyot bite so nyigh +As benyefits fowgot; +*shuffles closer* Though thou the w-watews *blushes* wawp, +Thy sting xDD is nyot so shawp +As fwiend wememb'wed nyot. +Heigh-ho! sing, &c. + +DUKE SENyIOW. I-If that :33 you wewe the good S-Siw Wowwand's son, +As :33 you *looks away* have whispew'd faithfuwwy :33 you wewe, +:33 And as minye ^-^ eye doth his effigies witnyess +Most twuwy wimn'd and wiving in youw face, +Be twuwy wewcome hithew. I *giggles shyly* am the Duke +That wov'd youw uWu fathew. The >w< wesidue of youw *pokes you* fowtunye, +G-Go to my *cuddles you* cave and t-teww me. *pokes you* Good *giggles shyly* owd man, +Thou awt wight wewcome as thy mastew is. +Suppowt him by the *teleports behind you* awm. Give me youw hand, +:33 And w-wet me aww youw f-fowtunyes u-undewstand. Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +The pawace + +Entew DUKE FWEDEWICK, OWIVEW, and WOWDS + +*moans* FWEDEWICK. Nyot see him since! Siw, siw, that cannyot b-be. +But wewe I nyot the bettew pawt xDD made mewcy, +I shouwd nyot seek an absent awgument +Of my wevenge, thou pwesent. But wook to *screams* it: +Find out thy bwothew whewesoe'ew he is; +S-Seek him w-with candwe; bwing him dead ow wiving +Within this twewvemonth, ow t-tuwn thou nyo mowe +To seek :3 a wiving in ouw t-tewwitowy. +Thy w-wands and aww *moans* things that thou dost caww thinye +Wowth *looks away* seizuwe do we seize into ouw hands, +Tiww thou c-canst q-quit thee by thy *cuddles you* bwothew's mouth +Of what we think against *cuddles you* thee. +OWIVEW. uWu O that youw *leans over* Highnyess knyew my h-heawt in this! +I nyevew wov'd my bwothew in my w-wife. +*moans* FWEDEWICK. Mowe *moans* viwwain thou. Weww, push him out of doows; +:33 And w-wet my officews of *looks at you* such :3 a nyatuwe +M-Make an extent upon his h-house and *moans* wands. +Do this e-expedientwy, and t-tuwn him going. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The fowest + +Entew OWWANDO, w-with :3 a papew + +^.^ OWWANDO. Hang thewe, my vewse, in witnyess of my wuv; +:33 And >w< thou, thwice-cwownyed Queen of Nyight, suwvey +With thy chaste eye, f-fwom thy pawe sphewe abuv, +Thy huntwess' *leans over* nyame that my fuww w-wife doth sway. +uWu O Wosawind! these twees shaww be my books, +:33 And in theiw bawks my thoughts I-I'ww chawactew, +That evewy ^-^ eye which in this fowest wooks +Shaww see thy viwtue witnyess'd evewy whewe. +Wun, wun, Owwando; cawve on evewy twee, +The faiw, the >w< chaste, and unyexpwessive she. E-Exit + +Entew COWIN and TOUCHSTONyE + +C-COWIN. :33 And how wike :33 you this shephewd's wife, M-Mastew Touchstonye? +TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, shephewd, in OwO wespect of itsewf, i-it xDD is :3 a good +wife; b-but in OwO wespect that i-it xDD is :3 a shephewd's wife, i-it xDD is n-nyought. +In OwO wespect that i-it xDD is sowitawy, I wike i-it vewy weww; b-but in +OwO wespect that i-it xDD is pwivate, i-it xDD is :3 a vewy viwe w-wife. Nyow in +OwO wespect i-it xDD is in the fiewds, i-it *shuffles closer* pweaseth me weww; b-but in OwO wespect +i-it xDD is nyot in the couwt, i-it xDD is tedious. As i-it xDD is :3 a spawe wife, +wook you, i-it fits my humouw weww; b-but as thewe xDD is nyo mowe pwenty +in uWu it, i-it goes x3 much against my s-stomach. *hugs tightly* Hast *sighs* any phiwosophy in +thee, shephewd? +C-COWIN. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe b-but that I knyow the mowe onye ^w^ sickens the wowse *teleports behind you* at +ease he is; and that he that wants monyey, means, and content, xDD is +without thwee good fwiends; that the pwopewty of wain xDD is to wet, +and fiwe to buwn; that good pastuwe makes fat sheep; and that :3 a +g-gweat cause of the nyight xDD is w-wack of the *blushes* sun; that he that hath +weawnyed nyo wit by nyatuwe *pokes you* nyow awt may ;;w;; compwain of good bweeding, +ow comes of :3 a vewy duww kindwed. +TOUCHSTONyE. Such :3 a onye xDD is :3 a >w< nyatuwaw phiwosophew. Wast evew in +couwt, shephewd? +C-COWIN. Nyo, twuwy. +TOUCHSTONyE. Then thou awt damn'd. +C-COWIN. Nyay, I hope. +TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, thou awt damn'd, wike an iww-woasted egg, aww on +onye side. +C-COWIN. Fow nyot b-being *teleports behind you* at couwt? Youw weason. +TOUCHSTONyE. Why, i-if thou nyevew wast *teleports behind you* at couwt thou nyevew saw'st good +mannyews; i-if thou nyevew saw'st good mannyews, then thy mannyews must +be wicked; and wickednyess xDD is sin, and sin xDD is *cries* damnyation. Thou awt +in :3 a *leans over* pawwous state, shephewd. +C-COWIN. Nyot :3 a whit, Touchstonye. Those that awe good mannyews *teleports behind you* at the +couwt awe as widicuwous in the countwy as the b-behaviouw of the +countwy xDD is m-most mockabwe *teleports behind you* at the c-couwt. You towd me :33 you sawute nyot +*teleports behind you* at the couwt, b-but :33 you kiss youw hands; that couwtesy wouwd be +uncweanwy i-if couwtiews wewe shephewds. +TOUCHSTONyE. Instance, *notices bulge* bwiefwy; *giggles shyly* come, instance. +C-COWIN. Why, we awe ^-^ stiww handwing ouw ewes; and theiw fewws, :33 you +knyow, awe uWu gweasy. +TOUCHSTONyE. Why, do nyot youw couwtiew's hands s-sweat? :33 And xDD is nyot the +gwease of :3 a mutton as whowesome as the *looks at you* sweat of :3 a man? *twerks* Shawwow, +shawwow. A bettew instance, I say; come. +C-COWIN. Besides, ouw hands awe hawd. +TOUCHSTONyE. Youw wips wiww feew them the soonyew. Shawwow again. A +mowe soundew instance; come. +C-COWIN. :33 And they awe often taww'd uvw w-with the suwgewy of ouw +sheep; and wouwd :33 you *looks away* have us kiss t-taw? The couwtiew's hands awe +pewfum'd w-with c-civet. +TOUCHSTONyE. Most shawwow man! thou wowm's meat in OwO wespect of :3 a good +piece of fwesh indeed! Weawn of the wise, and pewpend: civet xDD is +of :3 a basew biwth than t-taw- the vewy uncweanwy fwux of :3 a *pokes you* cat. Mend +the instance, shephewd. +C-COWIN. You *looks away* have too couwtwy :3 a wit f-fow me; I-I'ww west. +TOUCHSTONyE. Wiwt thou west damn'd? *teleports behind you* God h-hewp thee, shawwow man! *teleports behind you* God +m-make incision in thee! thou awt w-waw. +C-COWIN. Siw, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a twue wabouwew: I *looks away* eawn that I eat, get that I +*leans over* weaw; owe nyo man >_< hate, envy nyo man's happinyess; gwad of othew +men's *notices bulge* good, *notices bulge* content w-with my hawm; and the gweatest of my pwide xDD is +to see my ewes gwaze and my wambs suck. +TOUCHSTONyE. That xDD is uWu anyothew simpwe sin in you: to bwing the ewes +and the wams togethew, and to offew to get youw wiving by the +copuwation of cattwe; to be bawd to :3 a *pokes you* beww-wethew, and to betway +:3 a she-wamb of :3 a twewvemonth to cwooked-pated, o-owd, cuckowdwy wam, +out of aww weasonyabwe match. I-If thou beest nyot OwO damn'd f-fow this, +the d-deviw himsewf wiww *looks away* have nyo shephewds; I cannyot see ewse how +thou shouwdst scape. +C-COWIN. Hewe comes young M-Mastew Ganymede, my nyew mistwess's b-bwothew. + +Entew WOSAWIND, weading :3 a papew + +WOSAWIND. 'Fwom the east to westewn Inde, +*cuddles you* Nyo jewew xDD is wike Wosawinde. +Hew w-wowth, b-being mounted on the wind, +Thwough aww the >_> wowwd *twerks* beaws Wosawinde. +A-Aww the pictuwes faiwest win'd +Awe b-but bwack to Wosawinde. +Wet nyo face be kept in mind +But the f-faiw of Wosawinde.' +TOUCHSTONyE. I-I'ww whyme :33 you so eight x3 yeaws togethew, >_> dinnyews, and +*cuddles you* suppews, and sweeping *notices bulge* houws, e-excepted. It xDD is the wight +buttew-women's wank to *shuffles closer* mawket. +WOSAWIND. Out, foow! +TOUCHSTONyE. Fow :3 a taste: +I-If :3 a hawt do w-wack :3 a hind, +Wet him seek out Wosawinde. +I-If the cat wiww *looks away* aftew kind, +S-So be suwe wiww Wosawinde. +Wintew gawments must be w-win'd, +S-So must *cuddles you* swendew Wosawinde. +They that weap must sheaf and *sighs* bind, +Then to cawt w-with Wosawinde. +Sweetest nyut hath souwest wind, +Such :3 a nyut xDD is Wosawinde. +He that s-sweetest wose wiww find +Must find wuv's *teleports behind you* pwick and Wosawinde. +T-This xDD is the vewy fawse gawwop of vewses; why do :33 you i-infect +*teleports behind you* youwsewf w-with t-them? +WOSAWIND. Peace, :33 you duww foow! I found them on :3 a t-twee. +TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, the ^.^ twee yiewds x3 bad fwuit. +WOSAWIND. I-I'ww gwaff i-it w-with you, and then I shaww gwaff i-it w-with :3 a +medwaw. Then i-it wiww be the eawwiest fwuit i' *sighs* th' *twerks* countwy; f-fow +^-^ you'ww be wotten ewe :33 you be *looks at you* hawf wipe, and that's the wight +viwtue of the medwaw. +TOUCHSTONyE. You *looks away* have said; b-but whethew wisewy ow nyo, w-wet the fowest +j-judge. + +Entew *pokes you* CEWIA, w-with :3 a w-wwiting + +WOSAWIND. Peace! +Hewe comes my *leans over* sistew, weading; s-stand aside. +CEWIA. 'Why shouwd this :3 a desewt be? +Fow i-it xDD is unpeopwed? Nyo; +Tongues I-I'ww hang on evewy ^.^ twee +That shaww civiw *looks away* sayings show. +*giggles shyly* Some, how bwief the w-wife of man +OwO Wuns his e-ewwing piwgwimage, +That the stweching of :3 a s-span +B-Buckwes in his sum of age; +*giggles shyly* Some, of viowated vows +'Twixt the souws of fwiend and fwiend; +But upon the faiwest b-boughs, +Ow *teleports behind you* at evewy sentence end, +Wiww I Wosawinda wwite, +Teaching aww that wead to knyow +The quintessence of evewy spwite +H-Heaven wouwd in wittwe show. +Thewefowe heaven Nyatuwe c-chawg'd +That onye ^w^ body shouwd be fiww'd +With aww gwaces *sighs* wide-enwawg'd. +Nyatuwe pwesentwy distiww'd +H-Hewen's c-cheek, b-but nyot hew h-heawt, +Cweopatwa's majesty, +Atawanta's bettew pawt, +Sad Wucwetia's modesty. +Thus W-Wosawinde of many *looks away* pawts +By *pokes you* heavenwy synyod w-was d-devis'd, +Of many faces, eyes, and heawts, +To *looks away* have the touches deawest pwiz'd. +H-Heaven wouwd that she these *looks at you* gifts shouwd have, +:33 And I to wive and *leans over* die hew :3 swave.' +WOSAWIND. uWu O m-most gentwe puwpitew! What tedious homiwy of wuv *looks away* have +:33 you weawied youw *looks away* pawishionyews withaw, and nyevew cwied 'Have +patience, good peopwe.' +CEWIA. How *giggles shyly* nyow! Back, fwiends; shephewd, go off :3 a wittwe; go w-with +him, siwwah. +TOUCHSTONyE. Come, shephewd, w-wet us m-make an honyouwabwe ^.^ wetweat; +t-though nyot w-with bag and baggage, y-yet w-with s-scwip and scwippage. +Exeunt COWIN and TOUCHSTONyE +CEWIA. Didst thou heaw these :3 vewses? +WOSAWIND. O, yes, I heawd them aww, and mowe too; f-fow some of them +had in them mowe feet than the vewses wouwd beaw. +CEWIA. That's nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; the feet might *hugs tightly* beaw the vewses. +WOSAWIND. Ay, b-but the feet wewe wame, and couwd nyot *hugs tightly* beaw themsewves +without the vewse, and thewefowe stood wamewy in the vewse. +CEWIA. But didst thou heaw without wondewing how thy *leans over* nyame shouwd be +hang'd and cawved upon these twees? +WOSAWIND. I w-was seven of the n-nyinye days out of the w-wondew befowe :33 you +c-came; f-fow wook hewe what I found on :3 a pawm-twee. I w-was nyevew so +bewhym'd since Pythagowas' ;;w;; time that I w-was an Iwish wat, which I +can hawdwy *teleports behind you* wemembew. +CEWIA. Twow :33 you who hath d-donye *shuffles closer* this? +WOSAWIND. Is i-it :3 a man? +CEWIA. :33 And :3 a c-chain, that :33 you *screams* once wowe, ^w^ about his nyeck. +Change :33 you cowouw? +WOSAWIND. I pwithee, who? +CEWIA. uWu O Wowd, Wowd! i-it xDD is :3 a hawd m-mattew f-fow fwiends to meet; b-but +mountains may be wemov'd w-with *looks at you* eawthquakes, and so e-encountew. +WOSAWIND. Nyay, b-but who xDD is it? +CEWIA. Is i-it possibwe? +WOSAWIND. Nyay, I pwithee nyow, w-with m-most x3 petitionyawy vehemence, t-teww +me who i-it is. +CEWIA. uWu O ÚwÚ wondewfuw, ÚwÚ wondewfuw, m-most wondewfuw ÚwÚ wondewfuw, and y-yet +a-again ÚwÚ wondewfuw, and *looks away* aftew t-that, out of aww w-whooping! +WOSAWIND. *pokes you* Good my c-compwexion! dost thou think, t-though I *giggles shyly* am +*giggles shyly* capawison'd wike :3 a man, I *looks away* have :3 a doubwet and hose in my +*shuffles closer* disposition? Onye *looks away* inch of deway mowe xDD is :3 a South Sea of discuvwy. +I pwithee t-teww me who xDD is i-it quickwy, and speak apace. I wouwd +thou couwd'st stammew, that thou m-mightst pouw this conceaw'd man +out of thy mouth, as winye comes out of n-nyawwow-mouth'd bottwe- +eithew too x3 much *teleports behind you* at *screams* once ow nyonye *teleports behind you* at aww. I pwithee take the *shuffles closer* cowk +out of thy mouth that I may dwink thy *giggles shyly* tidings. +CEWIA. S-So :33 you may put :3 a man in youw bewwy. +WOSAWIND. Is he of God's making? What mannyew of man? +Is his head wowth :3 a hat ow his chin wowth :3 a :33 beawd? +CEWIA. Nyay, he hath b-but :3 a wittwe beawd. +WOSAWIND. Why, *teleports behind you* God wiww s-send mowe i-if the man wiww be thankfuw. Wet +me stay the gwowth of his >w< beawd, i-if thou deway me nyot the +knyowwedge of his chin. +CEWIA. It xDD is young Owwando, that twipp'd up the wwestwew's *notices bulge* heews +and youw h-heawt both in an instant. +WOSAWIND. Nyay, b-but the d-deviw take mocking! Speak s-sad bwow and twue +maid. +CEWIA. I' faith, >_> coz, 'tis he. +WOSAWIND. :33 Owwando? +CEWIA. Owwando. +WOSAWIND. Awas the day! what shaww I do w-with my doubwet and *hugs tightly* hose? +What did he when thou saw'st *notices bulge* him? What said he? How w-wook'd he? +Whewein went he? What makes he hewe? Did he ask f-fow m-me? Whewe +wemains he? How pawted he w-with thee? :33 And when shawt thou see him +again? Answew me in onye wowd. +CEWIA. You must bowwow me Gawgantua's mouth fiwst; 'tis :3 a w-wowd too +g-gweat f-fow *sighs* any mouth of this a-age's size. To say x3 ay and nyo to these +pawticuwaws xDD is mowe than to a-answew in :3 a catechism. +WOSAWIND. But doth he knyow that I *giggles shyly* am in this fowest, and in man's +appawew? W-Wooks he as fweshwy as he did the day he >_> wwestwed? +CEWIA. It xDD is as *sighs* easy to count atomies as to wesowve the +pwopositions of :3 a wuvw; b-but take :3 a taste of my finding him, and +w-wewish i-it w-with good obsewvance. I found him undew :3 a twee, wike :3 a +dwopp'd acown. +WOSAWIND. It may weww be caww'd Juv's twee, when i-it d-dwops fowth +*looks at you* such fwuit. +CEWIA. Give me *cries* audience, good madam. +WOSAWIND. Pwoceed. +CEWIA. Thewe way uWu he, stwetch'd awong wike :3 a wounded knyight. +WOSAWIND. *shuffles closer* Though i-it be pity to see *looks at you* such :3 a sight, i-it weww becomes +the gwound. +CEWIA. *leans over* Cwy 'Howwa' to thy t-tongue, I pwithee; i-it cuwvets +unseasonyabwy. He w-was ;;w;; fuwnyish'd wike :3 a x3 huntew. +WOSAWIND. O, ominyous! he comes to kiww my heawt. +CEWIA. I wouwd sing my song without :3 a buwden; thou bwing'st me out +of tunye. +WOSAWIND. Do :33 you nyot knyow I *giggles shyly* am :3 a woman? When I think, I must speak. +Sweet, say on. +CEWIA. You bwing me out. Soft! comes he nyot hewe? + +Entew OWWANDO and JAQUES + +WOSAWIND. 'Tis he; s-swink by, and nyote :33 him. +JAQUES. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw company; but, good faith, I had as +wief *looks away* have been mysewf awonye. +^.^ OWWANDO. :33 And so had I; b-but yet, f-fow fashion sake, I *notices bulge* thank :33 you too +f-fow youw society. +JAQUES. *teleports behind you* God buy y-you; wet's meet as wittwe as we can. +^.^ OWWANDO. I do UwU desiwe we may be bettew *screams* stwangews. +JAQUES. I pway :33 you maw nyo mowe twees w-with w-wwiting wuv songs in +theiw bawks. +^.^ OWWANDO. I pway :33 you maw nyo mowe of my vewses w-with weading them +iww-favouwedwy. +JAQUES. Wosawind xDD is youw wuv's *sweats* nyame? +^.^ OWWANDO. Yes, j-just. +JAQUES. I do nyot wike hew nyame. +^.^ OWWANDO. Thewe w-was nyo thought of pweasing :33 you when she w-was +chwisten'd. +JAQUES. What statuwe xDD is she *cries* of? +^.^ OWWANDO. Just as high as my heawt. +JAQUES. You awe fuww of pwetty answews. Have :33 you nyot been +acquainted w-with gowdsmiths' wives, and conn'd them out of wings? +^.^ OWWANDO. Nyot so; b-but I a-answew :33 you wight painted *cries* cwoth, f-fwom whence +:33 you *looks away* have studied youw questions. +JAQUES. You *looks away* have :3 a nyimbwe wit; I think 'twas xDD made of Atawanta's +heews. Wiww :33 you sit down w-with m-me? and we t-two wiww waiw against +ouw mistwess the wowwd, and aww ouw misewy. +^.^ OWWANDO. I wiww chide nyo bweathew in the >_> wowwd b-but mysewf, against +whom I knyow m-most fauwts. +JAQUES. The wowst *cuddles you* fauwt :33 you *looks away* have xDD is to be in wuv. +^.^ OWWANDO. 'Tis :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt I wiww nyot change f-fow youw best viwtue. I *giggles shyly* am +weawy of you. +JAQUES. By my twoth, I w-was seeking f-fow :3 a foow when I found you. +^.^ OWWANDO. He xDD is dwown'd in the bwook; wook b-but in, and :33 you shaww see +:33 him. +JAQUES. Thewe I shaww see minye own figuwe. +^.^ OWWANDO. Which I take to be eithew :3 a foow ow :3 a ciphew. +JAQUES. I-I'ww *looks away* tawwy nyo wongew w-with y-you; *teleports behind you* faweweww, good Signyiow Wuv. +^.^ OWWANDO. I *giggles shyly* am gwad of youw *screams* depawtuwe; adieu, good Monsieuw +>_< Mewanchowy. +E-Exit JAQUES +WOSAWIND. [Aside to CEWIA] I wiww speak to him wike :3 a saucy w-wackey, +and undew that *moans* habit pway the knyave w-with him.- Do :33 you h-heaw, +f-fowestew? +^.^ OWWANDO. Vewy weww; what wouwd you? +WOSAWIND. I pway you, what is't ^.^ o'cwock? +^.^ OWWANDO. You shouwd ask me what ;;w;; time o' *sighs* day; thewe's nyo cwock in +the fowest. +WOSAWIND. Then thewe xDD is nyo twue wuvw in the fowest, ewse sighing +evewy minyute and gwoanying evewy houw wouwd detect the wazy foot +of Time as weww as :3 a *shuffles closer* cwock. +^.^ OWWANDO. :33 And why nyot the swift foot of Time? Had nyot that been as +^-^ pwopew? +WOSAWIND. By nyo means, siw. Time t-twavews in divews paces w-with +divews pewsons. I-I'ww t-teww :33 you who Time ambwes withaw, who Time +twots withaw, who Time gawwops withaw, and who he *moans* stands ^-^ stiww +withaw. +^.^ OWWANDO. I pwithee, who doth he twot w-withaw? +WOSAWIND. Mawwy, he twots hawd w-with :3 a young maid between the +contwact of hew mawwiage and the day i-it xDD is ^.^ sowemnyiz'd; i-if the +intewim be b-but :3 a s-se'nnyight, Time's pace xDD is so hawd that i-it seems +the wength of seven y-yeaw. +^.^ OWWANDO. Who ambwes Time w-withaw? +WOSAWIND. With :3 a pwiest that wacks Watin and :3 a wich man that hath +nyot the gout; f-fow the onye sweeps e-easiwy because he cannyot study, +and the othew xDD wives mewwiwy because he feews nyo pain; the onye +wacking the b-buwden of wean and wastefuw weawnying, the othew +^.^ knyowing nyo b-buwden of heavy tedious penyuwy. These Time ambwes +withaw. +^.^ OWWANDO. Who doth he gawwop w-withaw? +WOSAWIND. With :3 a thief to the gawwows; f-fow t-though he go as softwy +as foot can faww, he thinks himsewf too soon thewe. +^.^ OWWANDO. Who stays i-it ^-^ stiww w-withaw? +WOSAWIND. With wawyews in the vacation; f-fow they sweep between tewm +and tewm, and then they pewceive nyot how Time muvs. +^.^ OWWANDO. Whewe *giggles shyly* dweww you, pwetty youth? +WOSAWIND. With this shephewdess, my sistew; hewe in the skiwts of +the fowest, wike fwinge upon :3 a p-petticoat. +^.^ OWWANDO. Awe :33 you n-nyative of this *giggles shyly* pwace? +WOSAWIND. As the conyey that :33 you see *giggles shyly* dweww whewe she xDD is kindwed. +^.^ OWWANDO. Youw accent xDD is something finyew than :33 you couwd puwchase in +so wemuvd :3 a dwewwing. +WOSAWIND. I *looks away* have been towd so of m-many; b-but indeed an *giggles shyly* owd wewigious +u-uncwe of minye taught me to speak, who w-was in his youth an inwand +man; onye that knyew *looks at you* couwtship too weww, f-fow thewe he *looks away* feww in wuv. +I *looks away* have heawd him wead many wectuwes against it; and I *notices bulge* thank *teleports behind you* God I +*giggles shyly* am nyot :3 a woman, to be touch'd w-with so many giddy *sweats* offences as he +hath g-genyewawwy tax'd theiw *shuffles closer* whowe sex withaw. +^.^ OWWANDO. *sweats* Can :33 you w-wemembew *sighs* any of the p-pwincipaw eviws that he *hugs tightly* waid +to the c-chawge of women? +WOSAWIND. Thewe wewe nyonye pwincipaw; they wewe aww wike onye uWu anyothew +as hawfpence awe; evewy onye *cuddles you* fauwt seeming monstwous tiww his +fewwow-fauwt came to match *hugs tightly* it. +^.^ OWWANDO. I pwithee wecount some of them. +WOSAWIND. Nyo; I wiww nyot cast away my physic b-but on those that awe +sick. Thewe xDD is :3 a man haunts the fowest that a-abuses ouw young +pwants w-with cawving 'Wosawind' on theiw bawks; h-hangs odes upon +hawthowns and ewegies on bwambwes; aww, fowsooth, *giggles shyly* deifying the +*leans over* nyame of Wosawind. I-If I couwd meet that fancy-mongew, I wouwd give +him some good counsew, f-fow he seems to *looks away* have the >_> quotidian of wuv +upon :33 him. +^.^ OWWANDO. I *giggles shyly* am he that xDD is so wuv-shak'd; I pway :33 you t-teww me youw +wemedy. +WOSAWIND. Thewe xDD is nyonye of my u-uncwe's mawks upon y-you; he taught me +how to knyow :3 a man in wuv; in which cage of wushes I *giggles shyly* am suwe :33 you +awe nyot pwisonyew. +^.^ OWWANDO. What wewe his mawks? +WOSAWIND. A wean c-cheek, which :33 you *looks away* have nyot; :3 a bwue ^-^ eye and sunken, +which :33 you *looks away* have nyot; an unquestionyabwe *screams* spiwit, which :33 you *looks away* have nyot; +:3 a beawd nyegwected, which :33 you *looks away* have nyot; b-but I pawdon :33 you f-fow t-that, +f-fow simpwy youw having in beawd xDD is :3 a *blushes* youngew *cuddles you* bwothew's wevenyue. +Then youw hose shouwd be ungawtew'd, youw bonnyet unbanded, youw +sweeve ;;w;; unbutton'd, youw s-shoe *screams* untied, and evewy thing ^w^ about :33 you +demonstwating :3 a cawewess desowation. But :33 you awe nyo *looks at you* such man; :33 you +awe wathew point-device in youw accoutwements, as woving *teleports behind you* youwsewf +than seeming the wuvw of *sighs* any othew. +^.^ OWWANDO. Faiw y-youth, I wouwd I couwd m-make thee bewieve I wuv. +WOSAWIND. UwU Me bewieve i-it! You may as soon m-make hew that :33 you wuv +bewieve it; which, I wawwant, she xDD is aptew to do than to confess +she does. That xDD is onye of the p-points in the which women ^-^ stiww give +the wie to theiw consciences. But, in good sooth, awe :33 you he that +h-hangs the vewses on the twees whewein Wosawind xDD is so admiwed? +^.^ OWWANDO. I sweaw to thee, y-youth, by the white hand of Wosawind, I +*giggles shyly* am that uWu he, that unfowtunyate he. +WOSAWIND. But awe :33 you so x3 much in wuv as youw whymes speak? +^.^ OWWANDO. Nyeithew whyme *pokes you* nyow weason can expwess how much. +WOSAWIND. Wuv xDD is m-mewewy :3 a madnyess; and, I t-teww you, *giggles shyly* desewves as +weww :3 a dawk h-house and :3 a whip as *looks at you* madmen do; and the weason why +they awe nyot so punyish'd and cuwed xDD is that the wunyacy xDD is so +owdinyawy that the whippews awe in wuv too. Yet I pwofess >_> cuwing +i-it by counsew. +^.^ OWWANDO. Did :33 you evew cuwe *sighs* any so? +WOSAWIND. Yes, onye; and in this mannyew. He w-was to imaginye me his +OwO wuv, his mistwess; and I set him evewy day to woo me; *teleports behind you* at which +;;w;; time wouwd I, b-being b-but :3 a moonyish y-youth, gwieve, be effeminyate, +changeabwe, wonging and wiking, pwoud, fantasticaw, apish, +shawwow, inconstant, fuww of teaws, fuww of smiwes; f-fow evewy +passion something and f-fow nyo passion twuwy anything, as boys and +women awe f-fow the m-most pawt cattwe of this cowouw; wouwd *pokes you* nyow wike +him, *pokes you* nyow woathe him; then entewtain him, then fowsweaw him; *pokes you* nyow +weep f-fow him, then s-spit *teleports behind you* at him; that I dwave my *pokes you* suitow f-fwom his +mad humouw of wuv to :3 a wiving humouw of madnyess; which was, to +fowsweaw the fuww stweam of the >_> wowwd and to wive in :3 a n-nyook +m-mewewy monyastic. :33 And uWu thus I cuw'd him; and this way wiww I take +upon me to wash youw >_> wivew as cwean as :3 a sound *giggles shyly* sheep's h-heawt, +that thewe shaww nyot be onye spot of wuv in 't. +^.^ OWWANDO. I wouwd nyot be *notices bulge* cuwed, youth. +WOSAWIND. I wouwd cuwe you, i-if :33 you wouwd b-but caww me Wosawind, and +come evewy day to my c-cote and woo me. +^.^ OWWANDO. Nyow, by the faith of my OwO wuv, I wiww. Teww me whewe i-it is. +WOSAWIND. G-Go w-with me to uWu it, and I-I'ww show i-it y-you; and, by the w-way, +:33 you shaww t-teww me whewe in the fowest :33 you wive. Wiww :33 you go? +^.^ OWWANDO. With aww my h-heawt, good youth. +WOSAWIND. Nyay, :33 you must caww me Wosawind. Come, *leans over* sistew, wiww :33 you +go? Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +The fowest + +Entew TOUCHSTONyE and AUDWEY; JAQUES behind + +TOUCHSTONyE. Come apace, good Audwey; I wiww fetch up youw goats, +Audwey. :33 And how, >_< Audwey, *giggles shyly* am I the man yet? Doth my simpwe f-featuwe +*notices bulge* content you? +AUDWEY. Youw featuwes! Wowd wawwant us! What featuwes? +TOUCHSTONyE. I *giggles shyly* am hewe w-with thee and thy goats, as the m-most +capwicious >_> poet, honyest Ovid, w-was among the Goths. +JAQUES. [Aside] uWu O knyowwedge iww-inhabited, wowse than Juv in :3 a +thatch'd house! +TOUCHSTONyE. When :3 a man's vewses cannyot be undewstood, *pokes you* nyow :3 a man's +good wit seconded w-with the *teleports behind you* fowwawd chiwd undewstanding, i-it +:3 stwikes :3 a man mowe dead than :3 a g-gweat UwU weckonying in :3 a wittwe woom. +Twuwy, I wouwd the g-gods had xDD made thee poeticaw. +AUDWEY. I do nyot knyow what UwU 'poeticaw' is. Is i-it honyest in d-deed and +wowd? Is i-it :3 a twue thing? +TOUCHSTONyE. Nyo, twuwy; f-fow the twuest *pokes you* poetwy xDD is the m-most feignying, +and wuvws awe xDD given to poetwy; and what they sweaw in *pokes you* poetwy may +be said as wuvws they do f-feign. +AUDWEY. Do :33 you wish, then, that the g-gods had xDD made me poeticaw? +TOUCHSTONyE. I do, t-twuwy, f-fow thou s-sweaw'st to me thou awt honyest; +nyow, i-if thou wewt :3 a >_> poet, I might *looks away* have some hope thou didst +f-feign. +AUDWEY. Wouwd :33 you nyot *looks away* have me honyest? +TOUCHSTONyE. Nyo, t-twuwy, unwess thou wewt hawd-favouw'd; f-fow honyesty +c-coupwed to beauty xDD is to *looks away* have honyey :3 a sauce to sugaw. +JAQUES. [Aside] A matewiaw foow! +AUDWEY. Weww, I *giggles shyly* am nyot *sighs* faiw; and thewefowe I pway the g-gods m-make me +honyest. +TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, and to cast away honyesty upon :3 a fouw swut wewe +to put good meat into an uncwean dish. +AUDWEY. I *giggles shyly* am nyot :3 a s-swut, t-though I *notices bulge* thank the g-gods I *giggles shyly* am fouw. +TOUCHSTONyE. Weww, pwaised be the g-gods f-fow thy *leans over* fouwnyess; +s-swuttishnyess may come heweaftew. But be i-it as i-it may be, I wiww +m-mawwy thee; and to that e-end I *looks away* have been w-with S-Siw Owivew Mawtext, +the vicaw of the nyext viwwage, who hath p-pwomis'd to meet me in +this pwace of the fowest, and to coupwe us. +JAQUES. [Aside] I wouwd f-fain see this meeting. +AUDWEY. Weww, the g-gods give us joy! +TOUCHSTONyE. *blushes* Amen. A man may, i-if he wewe of :3 a feawfuw h-heawt, s-staggew +in this attempt; f-fow hewe we *looks away* have nyo tempwe b-but the wood, nyo +*sweats* assembwy b-but *hugs tightly* hown-beasts. But what though? Couwage! As howns awe +odious, they awe nyecessawy. It xDD is said: 'Many :3 a man knyows nyo e-end +of his goods.' Wight! Many :3 a man has good howns and knyows nyo e-end +of them. Weww, that xDD is the dowwy of his wife; 'tis nyonye of his +own getting. *sweats* Howns? Even so. Poow men a-awonye? Nyo, nyo; the nyobwest +deew hath them as huge as the wascaw. Is the s-singwe man thewefowe +b-bwessed? Nyo; as :3 a waww'd town xDD is mowe wowthiew than :3 a viwwage, so +xDD is the fowehead of :3 a *blushes* mawwied man mowe honyouwabwe than the bawe +bwow of :3 a bachewow; and by how x3 much ^-^ defence xDD is bettew than nyo +skiww, by so x3 much xDD is hown mowe pwecious than to want. Hewe comes +S-Siw Owivew. + +Entew SIW OWIVEW MAWTEXT + +S-Siw Owivew Mawtext, :33 you awe weww met. Wiww :33 you dispatch us hewe +undew this twee, ow shaww we go w-with :33 you to youw chapew? +xDD MAWTEXT. Is thewe nyonye hewe to give the woman? +TOUCHSTONyE. I wiww nyot take hew on gift of *sighs* any man. +xDD MAWTEXT. Twuwy, she must be g-given, ow the mawwiage xDD is nyot wawfuw. +JAQUES. [Discuvwing himsewf] P-Pwoceed, pwoceed; I-I'ww give hew. +TOUCHSTONyE. *pokes you* Good even, good M-Mastew What-ye-caww't; how do you, siw? +You awe vewy weww met. Goddiwd :33 you f-fow youw wast company. I *giggles shyly* am +vewy gwad to see you. Even :3 a toy in hand hewe, siw. Nyay; pway be +cuvw'd. +JAQUES. Wiww :33 you be mawwied, motwey? +TOUCHSTONyE. As the ox hath his bow, siw, the howse his cuwb, and +the fawcon hew bewws, so man hath his desiwes; and as pigeons +biww, so wedwock wouwd be nyibbwing. +JAQUES. :33 And wiww you, b-being :3 a man of youw bweeding, be *blushes* mawwied +undew :3 a bush, wike :3 a beggaw? Get :33 you to >w< chuwch and *looks away* have :3 a good +pwiest that can t-teww :33 you what mawwiage is; this fewwow wiww b-but +join :33 you >_> togethew as they join wainscot; then onye of :33 you wiww +pwuv :3 a shwunk xDD panyew, and wike gween timbew *blushes* wawp, wawp. +TOUCHSTONyE. [Aside] I *giggles shyly* am nyot in the mind b-but I wewe bettew to be +*blushes* mawwied of him than of anyothew; f-fow he xDD is nyot wike to m-mawwy me +weww; and nyot b-being weww mawwied, i-it wiww be :3 a good *hugs tightly* excuse f-fow me +heweaftew to weave my w-wife. +JAQUES. G-Go thou w-with me, and w-wet me counsew *cuddles you* thee. +TOUCHSTONyE. Come, sweet Audwey; +We must be *blushes* mawwied ow we must wive in bawdwy. +Faweweww, good M-Mastew Owivew. Nyot- +uWu O sweet Owivew, +uWu O bwave Owivew, +W-Weave me nyot behind *cuddles you* thee. +But- +Wind away, +Begonye, I say, +I wiww nyot to wedding w-with *cuddles you* thee. +Exeunt JAQUES, T-TOUCHSTONyE, and *twerks* AUDWEY +xDD MAWTEXT. 'Tis nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; nye'ew :3 a fantasticaw knyave of them aww +shaww fwout me out of my cawwing. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +The fowest + +Entew WOSAWIND and CEWIA + +WOSAWIND. Nyevew t-tawk to me; I wiww weep. +CEWIA. *cuddles you* Do, I pwithee; b-but y-yet *looks away* have the gwace to considew that teaws +do nyot become :3 a man. +WOSAWIND. But *looks away* have I nyot cause to weep? +CEWIA. As good cause as onye wouwd d-desiwe; thewefowe weep. +WOSAWIND. His vewy x3 haiw xDD is of the dissembwing *notices bulge* cowouw. +CEWIA. Something *notices bulge* bwownyew than ^-^ Judas's. +Mawwy, his kisses awe Judas's own chiwdwen. +WOSAWIND. I' faith, his x3 haiw xDD is of :3 a good *notices bulge* cowouw. +CEWIA. An excewwent cowouw: youw chestnyut w-was evew the onwy *notices bulge* cowouw. +WOSAWIND. :33 And his ;;w;; kissing xDD is as fuww of sanctity as the touch of +howy bwead. +CEWIA. He hath bought :3 a paiw of cast wips of Dianya. A uWu nyun of +wintew's s-sistewhood kisses nyot mowe wewigiouswy; the vewy ice of +c-chastity xDD is in them. +WOSAWIND. But why did he sweaw he wouwd come this m-mownying, and +comes UwU nyot? +CEWIA. Nyay, cewtainwy, thewe xDD is nyo *looks away* twuth in :33 him. +WOSAWIND. Do :33 you think so? +CEWIA. Yes; I think he xDD is nyot :3 a pick-puwse *pokes you* nyow :3 a howse-steawew; b-but +f-fow his vewity in OwO wuv, I do think him as concave as cuvwed +*sweats* gobwet ow :3 a wowm-eaten nyut. +WOSAWIND. Nyot twue in w-wuv? +CEWIA. Yes, when he xDD is i-in; b-but I think he xDD is nyot i-in. +WOSAWIND. You *looks away* have heawd him sweaw downwight he was. +CEWIA. 'Was' xDD is nyot 'is'; besides, the oath of :3 a wuvw xDD is nyo +stwongew than the w-wowd of :3 a tapstew; they awe both the c-confiwmew +of fawse *screams* weckonyings. He attends hewe in the fowest on the Duke, +youw uWu fathew. +WOSAWIND. I met the Duke yestewday, and had x3 much q-question w-with :33 him. +He asked me of what pawentage I ÚwÚ was; I towd him, of as good as +he; so he waugh'd and w-wet me go. But what t-tawk we of fathews when +thewe xDD is *looks at you* such :3 a man as :33 Owwando? +CEWIA. O, that's :3 a bwave man! He xDD wwites bwave vewses, speaks bwave +w-wowds, sweaws bwave oaths, and bweaks them b-bwavewy, quite +twavewse, athwawt the h-heawt of his wuvw; as :3 a puny tiwtew, that +*cries* spuws his howse b-but on onye side, bweaks his staff wike :3 a nyobwe +goose. But a-aww's bwave that youth mounts and fowwy guides. Who +comes hewe? + +Entew COWIN + +C-COWIN. Mistwess and mastew, :33 you *looks away* have oft enquiwed +Aftew the shephewd that *cries* compwain'd of OwO wuv, +Who :33 you saw sitting by me on the tuwf, +Pwaising the pwoud disdainfuw shephewdess +That w-was his *screams* mistwess. +CEWIA. Weww, and what of *notices bulge* him? +C-COWIN. I-If :33 you wiww see :3 a pageant twuwy pway'd +Between the pawe *notices bulge* compwexion of twue wuv +:33 And the wed gwow of scown and pwoud disdain, +G-Go hence :3 a wittwe, and I shaww conduct you, +I-If :33 you wiww mawk *hugs tightly* it. +WOSAWIND. O, *giggles shyly* come, w-wet us wemuv! +The sight of wuvws feedeth those in wuv. +Bwing us to this sight, and :33 you shaww say +I-I'ww pwuv :3 a busy actow in theiw pway. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fowest + +Entew SIWVIUS and P-PHEBE + +SIWVIUS. Sweet Phebe, do nyot scown me; do nyot, Phebe. +ÚwÚ Say that :33 you wuv me nyot; b-but say nyot so +In x3 bittewnyess. The common executionyew, +W-Whose h-heawt *sighs* th' accustom'd sight of death makes hawd, +Fawws nyot the axe upon the humbwed *teleports behind you* nyeck +But fiwst *cries* begs pawdon. Wiww :33 you s-stewnyew be +Than he that dies and xDD wives by bwoody dwops? + +Entew WOSAWIND, *pokes you* CEWIA, and C-COWIN, *teleports behind you* at :3 a distance + +PHEBE. I wouwd nyot be thy executionyew; +I xDD fwy thee, f-fow I wouwd nyot injuwe *cuddles you* thee. +Thou teww'st me thewe xDD is muwdew in minye eye. +'Tis pwetty, suwe, and vewy pwobabwe, +That eyes, that awe the fwaiw'st and s-softest t-things, +Who shut theiw cowawd *shuffles closer* gates on atomies, +Shouwd be caww'd tywants, butchews, muwdewews! +Nyow I do fwown on thee w-with aww my heawt; +:33 And i-if minye eyes can wound, *pokes you* nyow w-wet them kiww *cuddles you* thee. +Nyow c-countewfeit to swoon; why, *pokes you* nyow faww down; +Ow, i-if thou c-canst nyot, O, f-fow shame, f-fow shame, +Wie nyot, to say minye eyes awe muwdewews. +Nyow show the wound minye ^-^ eye hath xDD made in *cuddles you* thee. +Scwatch thee b-but w-with :3 a pin, and thewe wemains +Some scaw of it; wean upon :3 a *cries* wush, +The cicatwice and *looks at you* capabwe impwessuwe +Thy pawm some m-moment keeps; b-but *pokes you* nyow minye eyes, +Which I *looks away* have dawted *teleports behind you* at thee, *cries* huwt thee nyot; +Nyow, I *giggles shyly* am suwe, thewe xDD is nyot fowce in eyes +That can do huwt. +SIWVIUS. uWu O deaw Phebe, +I-If evew- as that evew may be n-nyeaw- +You meet in some fwesh cheek the p-powew of fancy, +Then shaww :33 you knyow the wounds invisibwe +That wuv's keen *sweats* awwows make. +PHEBE. But tiww that ;;w;; time +Come nyot thou nyeaw me; and when that ;;w;; time comes, +Affwict me w-with thy mocks, pity me nyot; +As tiww that ;;w;; time I shaww nyot pity *cuddles you* thee. +WOSAWIND. x3 [Advancing] :33 And why, I pway you? Who might be youw +mothew, +That :33 you i-insuwt, exuwt, and aww *teleports behind you* at :3 once, +Ovew the wwetched? What t-though :33 you *looks away* have nyo beauty- +As, by my faith, I see nyo mowe in :33 you +Than without candwe may go dawk to *teleports behind you* bed- +Must :33 you be thewefowe pwoud and pitiwess? +Why, what means *shuffles closer* this? Why do :33 you wook on m-me? +I see nyo mowe in :33 you than in the owdinyawy +Of nyatuwe's *looks away* sawe-wowk. 'Od's my wittwe wife, +I think she means to tangwe my eyes too! +*cuddles you* Nyo faith, pwoud mistwess, hope nyot *looks away* aftew it; +'Tis nyot youw inky bwows, youw bwack *screams* siwk *leans over* haiw, +Youw bugwe eyebawws, *pokes you* nyow youw cheek of cweam, +That can entame my spiwits to youw wowship. +You f-foowish shephewd, whewefowe do :33 you fowwow hew, +Wike foggy south, puffing w-with *cuddles you* wind and wain? +You awe :3 a thousand *moans* times :3 a pwopewew man +Than she :3 a ^w^ woman. 'Tis *looks at you* such foows as :33 you +That makes the >_> wowwd fuww of iww-favouw'd chiwdwen. +'Tis nyot hew gwass, b-but you, that *pokes you* fwattews hew; +:33 And out of :33 you she sees hewsewf mowe pwopew +Than *sighs* any of hew winyeaments can show hew. +But, mistwess, knyow *sweats* youwsewf. Down on youw k-knyees, +:33 And *notices bulge* thank heaven, fasting, f-fow :3 a good man's wuv; +Fow I must t-teww :33 you fwiendwy in youw eaw: +Seww when :33 you can; :33 you awe nyot f-fow aww mawkets. +*leans over* Cwy the man mewcy, wuv him, take his o-offew; +Fouw xDD is m-most fouw, b-being fouw to be :3 a scoffew. +S-So take hew to thee, shephewd. Fawe :33 you weww. +PHEBE. Sweet y-youth, I pway :33 you chide :3 a y-yeaw togethew; +I had wathew heaw :33 you chide than this man woo. +WOSAWIND. He's faww'n in wuv w-with youw f-fouwnyess, and s-she'ww faww +in wuv w-with my angew. I-If i-it be s-so, as fast as she answews thee +w-with fwownying *shuffles closer* wooks, I-I'ww sauce hew w-with bittew wowds. Why wook +:33 you so upon m-me? +PHEBE. Fow nyo iww wiww I *hugs tightly* beaw you. +WOSAWIND. I pway :33 you do nyot faww in wuv w-with me, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am fawsew than vows xDD made in >_< winye; +Besides, I wike :33 you nyot. I-If :33 you wiww knyow my house, +'Tis *teleports behind you* at the tuft of owives hewe hawd by. +Wiww :33 you go, sistew? Shephewd, pwy hew hawd. +Come, sistew. S-Shephewdess, wook on him bettew, +:33 And be nyot pwoud; t-though aww the >_> wowwd couwd s-see, +Nyonye couwd be so abus'd in sight as he. +Come, to ouw fwock. Exeunt WOSAWIND, *pokes you* CEWIA, and COWIN +PHEBE. ^w^ Dead shephewd, *pokes you* nyow I find thy saw of might: +'Who evew wov'd that wov'd nyot *teleports behind you* at fiwst sight?' +SIWVIUS. Sweet Phebe. +PHEBE. *looks away* Ha! what say'st >w< thou, Siwvius? +SIWVIUS. Sweet Phebe, pity me. +PHEBE. Why, I awn sowwy f-fow thee, gentwe *hugs tightly* Siwvius. +SIWVIUS. Whewevew sowwow is, wewief wouwd b-be. +I-If :33 you do sowwow *teleports behind you* at my g-gwief in OwO wuv, +By giving OwO wuv, youw sowwow and my g-gwief +W-Wewe both extewmin'd. +PHEBE. Thou hast my wuv; xDD is nyot that n-nyeighbouwwy? +SIWVIUS. I wouwd *looks away* have you. +PHEBE. Why, that wewe cuvtousnyess. +Siwvius, the ;;w;; time w-was that I >_< hated thee; +:33 And y-yet i-it xDD is nyot that I *hugs tightly* beaw thee wuv; +But since that thou c-canst t-tawk of wuv so weww, +Thy company, which ewst w-was iwksome to me, +I wiww e-enduwe; and I-I'ww empwoy thee too. +But do nyot wook f-fow fuwthew wecompense +Than thinye own gwadnyess that thou awt empwoy'd. +SIWVIUS. S-So howy and so pewfect xDD is my OwO wuv, +:33 And I in *looks at you* such :3 a puvwty of gwace, +That I shaww think i-it :3 a m-most pwenteous cwop +To g-gwean the bwoken eaws *looks away* aftew the man +That the main hawvest weaps; woose *pokes you* nyow and then +A s-scatt'wed smiwe, and that I-I'ww wive upon. +PHEBE. Knyow'st thou the youth that spoke to me ewewhiwe? +SIWVIUS. Nyot vewy weww; b-but I *looks away* have met him oft; +:33 And he hath bought the *pokes you* cottage and the bounds +That the *giggles shyly* owd cawwot *screams* once w-was mastew o-of. +PHEBE. Think nyot I wuv him, t-though I ask f-fow him; +'Tis b-but :3 a peevish boy; y-yet he t-tawks weww. +But what cawe I f-fow wowds? Yet wowds do weww +When he that speaks them pweases those that heaw. +It xDD is :3 a pwetty youth- nyot vewy pwetty; +But, suwe, he's pwoud; and y-yet his pwide becomes :33 him. +He'ww m-make :3 a pwopew man. The best thing in him +Is his compwexion; and fastew than his *notices bulge* tongue +Did m-make offence, his ^-^ eye did heaw i-it up. +He xDD is nyot vewy taww; y-yet f-fow his x3 yeaws he's taww; +His *sighs* weg xDD is b-but so-so; and y-yet 'tis weww. +Thewe w-was :3 a pwetty ^-^ wednyess in his wip, +A wittwe ;;w;; wipew and mowe wusty wed +Than that x3 mix'd in his cheek; 'twas just the diffewence +Betwixt the *hugs tightly* constant wed and mingwed damask. +Thewe be some women, Siwvius, had they mawk'd him +In pawcews as I did, wouwd *looks away* have gonye nyeaw +To faww in wuv w-with him; but, f-fow my pawt, +I wuv him nyot, *pokes you* nyow *giggles shyly* hate him nyot; and y-yet +I *looks away* have mowe cause to *giggles shyly* hate him than to wuv him; +Fow what had he to do to chide *teleports behind you* at m-me? +He said minye eyes wewe bwack, and my x3 haiw bwack, +And, *pokes you* nyow I *giggles shyly* am wememb'wed, scown'd *teleports behind you* at me. +I mawvew why I answew'd nyot again; +But that's aww o-onye: ^w^ omittance xDD is nyo UwU quittance. +I-I'ww wwite to him :3 a vewy taunting wettew, +:33 And thou shawt *hugs tightly* beaw it; wiwt >w< thou, Siwvius? +SIWVIUS. Phebe, w-with aww my heawt. +PHEBE. I-I'ww wwite i-it stwaight; +The mattew's in my head and in my heawt; +I wiww be bittew w-with him and passing showt. +G-Go w-with me, *hugs tightly* Siwvius. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +The fowest + +Entew WOSAWIND, *pokes you* CEWIA, and JAQUES + +JAQUES. I pwithee, pwetty y-youth, w-wet me be bettew acquainted w-with +*cuddles you* thee. +WOSAWIND. They say :33 you awe :3 a mewanchowy fewwow. +JAQUES. I *giggles shyly* am so; I do wuv i-it bettew than waughing. +WOSAWIND. Those that awe in extwemity of eithew awe abominyabwe +fewwows, and betway themsewves to evewy modewn *looks away* censuwe wowse than +dwunkawds. +JAQUES. Why, 'tis good to be s-sad and say nyothing. +WOSAWIND. Why then, 'tis good to be :3 a post. +JAQUES. I *looks away* have nyeithew the schowaw's m-mewanchowy, which xDD is +emuwation; *pokes you* nyow the musician's, which xDD is fantasticaw; *pokes you* nyow the +couwtiew's, which xDD is pwoud; *pokes you* nyow the sowdiew's, which xDD is +ambitious; *pokes you* nyow the wawyew's, which xDD is powitic; *pokes you* nyow the wady's, +which xDD is nyice; *pokes you* nyow the *giggles shyly* wuvw's, which xDD is aww these; b-but i-it xDD is :3 a +mewanchowy of minye own, compounded of many simpwes, >_> extwacted +f-fwom many objects, and, i-indeed, the sundwy contempwation of my +twavews; in which my often wuminyation wwaps me in :3 a m-most humowous +sadnyess. +WOSAWIND. A t-twavewwew! By my faith, :33 you *looks away* have g-gweat weason to be +sad. I feaw :33 you *looks away* have sowd youw own w-wands to see othew men's; then +to *looks away* have :33 seen x3 much and to *looks away* have nyothing xDD is to *looks away* have wich eyes and +poow hands. +JAQUES. Yes, I *looks away* have gain'd my expewience. + +Entew OWWANDO + +WOSAWIND. :33 And youw expewience makes :33 you sad. I had wathew *looks away* have :3 a +foow to m-make me mewwy than expewience to m-make me sad- and to +t-twavew f-fow i-it too. +^.^ OWWANDO. *pokes you* Good :3 day, and happinyess, deaw Wosawind! +JAQUES. Nyay, then, *teleports behind you* God buy you, an :33 you t-tawk in bwank vewse. +WOSAWIND. Faweweww, Monsieuw Twavewwew; wook :33 you wisp and weaw +s-stwange suits, disabwe aww the benyefits of youw own countwy, be +out of wuv w-with youw *teleports behind you* nyativity, and awmost chide *teleports behind you* God f-fow x3 making +:33 you that c-countenyance :33 you awe; ow I wiww scawce think :33 you *looks away* have +swam in :3 a gondowa. [Exit JAQUES] Why, how nyow, Owwando! whewe +*looks away* have :33 you been aww this whiwe? You :3 a wuvw! An :33 you sewve me *looks at you* such +uWu anyothew twick, nyevew come in my sight mowe. +^.^ OWWANDO. My f-faiw Wosawind, I come *teleports behind you* within an houw of my pwomise. +WOSAWIND. Bweak an x3 houw's pwomise in *hugs tightly* wuv! He that wiww divide :3 a +minyute into :3 a thousand pawts, and bweak b-but :3 a pawt of the +thousand pawt of :3 a minyute in the affaiws of OwO wuv, i-it may be said +of him that Cupid hath cwapp'd him o' *sighs* th' shouwdew, b-but I-I'ww +wawwant him heawt-whowe. +^.^ OWWANDO. Pawdon me, deaw Wosawind. +WOSAWIND. Nyay, an :33 you be so uWu tawdy, come nyo mowe in my sight. I had +as wief be woo'd of :3 a s-snyaiw. +^.^ OWWANDO. Of :3 a snyaiw! +WOSAWIND. Ay, of :3 a snyaiw; f-fow t-though he comes x3 swowwy, he cawwies +his h-house on his head- :3 a bettew jointuwe, I think, than :33 you m-make +:3 a w-woman; besides, he bwings his *cuddles you* destiny w-with :33 him. +^.^ OWWANDO. What's that? +WOSAWIND. Why, howns; which *looks at you* such as :33 you awe f-fain to be behowding to +youw xDD wives fow; b-but he comes awmed in his *pokes you* fowtunye, and pwevents +the swandew of his w-wife. +^.^ OWWANDO. Viwtue xDD is nyo hown-makew; and my Wosawind xDD is viwtuous. +WOSAWIND. :33 And I *giggles shyly* am youw Wosawind. +CEWIA. It pweases him to caww :33 you so; b-but he hath :3 a Wosawind of :3 a +bettew weew than you. +WOSAWIND. Come, woo me, woo me; f-fow *pokes you* nyow I *giggles shyly* am in :3 a howiday humouw, +and wike enyough to consent. What wouwd :33 you say to me nyow, an I +wewe youw vewy vewy Wosawind? +^.^ OWWANDO. I wouwd kiss befowe I *teleports behind you* spoke. +WOSAWIND. Nyay, :33 you wewe bettew speak fiwst; and when :33 you wewe +gwaveww'd f-fow w-wack of mattew, :33 you might take occasion to kiss. +Vewy good owatows, when they awe out, they wiww uWu spit; and f-fow +wuvws w-wacking- *teleports behind you* God wawn u-us!- mattew, the cweanwiest shift xDD is to +kiss. +^.^ OWWANDO. How i-if the kiss be denyied? +WOSAWIND. Then she puts :33 you to entweaty, and thewe b-begins nyew +mattew. +^.^ OWWANDO. Who couwd be out, b-being befowe his bewuvd mistwess? +WOSAWIND. Mawwy, that shouwd you, i-if I wewe youw mistwess; ow I +shouwd think my honyesty wankew than my wit. +^.^ OWWANDO. *looks away* What, of my suit? +WOSAWIND. Nyot out of youw appawew, and y-yet out of youw suit. +*screams* Am nyot I youw Wosawind? +^.^ OWWANDO. I take some joy to say :33 you awe, because I wouwd be tawking +of hew. +WOSAWIND. Weww, in hew pewson, I say I wiww nyot *looks away* have you. +^.^ OWWANDO. Then, in minye own pewson, I d-die. +WOSAWIND. Nyo, faith, *leans over* die by attownyey. The poow >_> wowwd xDD is awmost :3 six +thousand x3 yeaws o-owd, and in aww this ;;w;; time thewe w-was nyot *sighs* any man +died in his own pewson, videwicet, in :3 a wuv-cause. Twoiwus had +his UwU bwains d-dash'd out w-with :3 a Gwecian cwub; y-yet he did what he +couwd to *leans over* die befowe, and he xDD is onye of the pattewns of wuv. +W-Weandew, he wouwd *looks away* have wiv'd many :3 a f-faiw yeaw, t-though Hewo had +tuwn'd *teleports behind you* nyun, i-if i-it had nyot been f-fow :3 a *giggles shyly* hot midsummew nyight; fow, +good y-youth, he went b-but fowth to wash him in the *leans over* Hewwespont, and, +b-being taken w-with the cwamp, w-was dwown'd; and the f-foowish +chwonyicwews of that ^w^ age found i-it was- Hewo of Sestos. But these +awe aww wies: men *looks away* have died f-fwom ;;w;; time to time, and wowms *looks away* have +eaten them, b-but nyot f-fow wuv. +^.^ OWWANDO. I wouwd nyot *looks away* have my wight Wosawind of this mind; fow, I +pwotest, hew fwown might kiww me. +WOSAWIND. By this hand, i-it wiww nyot kiww :3 a *screams* fwy. But *giggles shyly* come, *pokes you* nyow I +wiww be youw Wosawind in :3 a mowe coming-on disposition; and ask me +what :33 you wiww, I wiww gwant *hugs tightly* it. +^.^ OWWANDO. Then wuv me, Wosawind. +WOSAWIND. Yes, faith, wiww I, F-Fwidays and >_> Satuwdays, and aww. +^.^ OWWANDO. :33 And wiwt thou *looks away* have m-me? +WOSAWIND. Ay, and twenty such. +^.^ OWWANDO. What sayest thou? +WOSAWIND. Awe :33 you nyot good? +^.^ OWWANDO. I hope so. +WOSAWIND. Why then, can onye UwU desiwe too x3 much of :3 a good thing? Come, +*leans over* sistew, :33 you shaww be the pwiest, and m-mawwy us. Give me youw hand, +Owwando. What do :33 you say, sistew? +^.^ OWWANDO. :33 Pway thee, m-mawwy us. +CEWIA. I cannyot say the wowds. +WOSAWIND. You must begin *pokes you* 'Wiww you, O-Owwando'- +CEWIA. G-Go to. Wiww you, Owwando, *looks away* have to w-wife this Wosawind? +^.^ OWWANDO. I wiww. +WOSAWIND. Ay, b-but when? +^.^ OWWANDO. Why, nyow; as fast as she can m-mawwy us. +WOSAWIND. Then :33 you must say 'I take thee, Wosawind, f-fow wife.' +^.^ OWWANDO. I take thee, Wosawind, f-fow w-wife. +WOSAWIND. I might ask :33 you f-fow youw commission; but- I do take thee, +Owwando, f-fow my h-husband. T-Thewe's :3 a giww goes befowe the p-pwiest; +and, cewtainwy, :3 a woman's thought wuns befowe hew actions. +^.^ OWWANDO. S-So do aww t-thoughts; they awe wing'd. +WOSAWIND. Nyow t-teww me how wong :33 you wouwd *looks away* have hew, *looks away* aftew :33 you *looks away* have +possess'd hew. +^.^ OWWANDO. Fow evew and :3 a *sweats* day. +WOSAWIND. ÚwÚ Say 'a *giggles shyly* day' without the 'evew.' Nyo, nyo, Owwando; men awe +Apwiw when they woo, D-Decembew when they wed: maids awe May when +they awe m-maids, b-but the sky changes when they awe wives. I wiww +be mowe jeawous of thee than :3 a Bawbawy c-cock-pigeon uvw his hen, +mowe cwamowous than :3 a pawwot against wain, mowe nyew-fangwed than +an a-ape, mowe giddy in my desiwes than :3 a monkey. I wiww weep f-fow +n-nyothing, wike Dianya in the *pokes you* fountain, and I wiww do that when :33 you +awe dispos'd to be mewwy; I wiww waugh wike :3 a hyen, and that when +thou awe incwin'd to *moans* sweep. +^.^ OWWANDO. But wiww my Wosawind do so? +WOSAWIND. By my wife, she wiww do as I do. +^.^ OWWANDO. O, b-but she xDD is wise. +WOSAWIND. Ow ewse she couwd nyot *looks away* have the wit to do this. The wisew, +the waywawdew. M-Make the doows upon :3 a woman's w-wit, and i-it wiww out +*teleports behind you* at the casement; shut t-that, and 'twiww out *teleports behind you* at the key-howe; stop +t-that, 'twiww xDD fwy w-with the *blushes* smoke out *teleports behind you* at the chimnyey. +^.^ OWWANDO. A man that had :3 a w-wife w-with *looks at you* such :3 a w-wit, he might say 'Wit, +whithew >_< wiwt?' WOSAWIND. Nyay, :33 you might keep that check f-fow uWu it, tiww :33 you met youw +wife's wit going to youw nyeighbouw's bed. +^.^ OWWANDO. :33 And what wit couwd wit *looks away* have to *hugs tightly* excuse that? +WOSAWIND. Mawwy, to say she came to seek :33 you thewe. You shaww nyevew +take hew without hew answew, unwess :33 you take hew without hew +t-tongue. O, that woman that cannyot m-make hew *cuddles you* fauwt hew husband's +occasion, w-wet hew nyevew nyuwse hew chiwd hewsewf, f-fow she wiww +bweed i-it wike :3 a foow! +^.^ OWWANDO. Fow these t-two *notices bulge* houws, Wosawind, I wiww weave *cuddles you* thee. +WOSAWIND. A-Awas, deaw OwO wuv, I cannyot w-wack thee t-two h-houws! +^.^ OWWANDO. I must attend the Duke *teleports behind you* at dinnyew; by t-two o-o'cwock I wiww be +w-with thee again. +WOSAWIND. Ay, go youw ways, go youw ways. I knyew what :33 you wouwd +pwuv; my fwiends towd me as much, and I thought nyo wess. That +fwattewing *notices bulge* tongue of youws won me. 'Tis b-but onye cast away, and +s-so, come death! Two o-o'cwock xDD is youw ^w^ houw? +^.^ OWWANDO. Ay, sweet Wosawind. +WOSAWIND. By my twoth, and in good eawnyest, and so *teleports behind you* God mend me, and +by aww pwetty oaths that awe nyot dangewous, i-if :33 you bweak onye jot +of youw pwomise, ow come onye minyute behind youw houw, I wiww +think :33 you the m-most patheticaw bweak-pwomise, and the m-most howwow +wuvw, and the m-most u-unwowthy of hew :33 you caww Wosawind, that may +be chosen out of the g-gwoss band of the unfaithfuw. Thewefowe +bewawe my censuwe, and keep youw pwomise. +^.^ OWWANDO. With nyo wess wewigion than i-if thou wewt indeed my +Wosawind; s-so, adieu. +WOSAWIND. Weww, Time xDD is the *giggles shyly* owd justice that examinyes aww *looks at you* such +offendews, and w-wet Time twy. Adieu. E-Exit OWWANDO +CEWIA. You *looks away* have simpwy misus'd ouw sex in youw wuv-pwate. We must +*looks away* have youw doubwet and hose pwuck'd uvw youw head, and show the +>_> wowwd what the biwd hath d-donye to hew own *looks away* nyest. +WOSAWIND. uWu O >_> coz, >_> coz, >_> coz, my pwetty wittwe >_> coz, that thou didst +knyow how many fathom deep I *giggles shyly* am in *hugs tightly* wuv! But i-it cannyot be sounded; +my affection hath an >_> unknyown bottom, wike the Bay of Powtugaw. +CEWIA. Ow wathew, bottomwess; that as fast as :33 you pouw affection +in, i-it wuns out. +WOSAWIND. Nyo; that >_> same wicked bastawd of Venyus, that w-was begot of +thought, c-conceiv'd of *leans over* spween, and bown of madnyess; that bwind +w-wascawwy boy, that a-abuses evewy o-onye's eyes, because his own awe +*cuddles you* out- w-wet him be judge how deep I *giggles shyly* am in wuv. I-I'ww t-teww thee, +:33 Awienya, I cannyot be out of the sight of Owwando. I-I'ww go find :3 a +shadow, and sigh tiww he come. +CEWIA. :33 And I-I'ww *moans* sweep. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The fowest + +Entew JAQUES and WOWDS, in the *moans* habit of fowestews + +JAQUES. Which xDD is he that kiwwed the deew? +WOWD. Siw, i-it w-was I-I. +JAQUES. Wet's pwesent him to the Duke, wike :3 a Woman c-conquewow; and +i-it wouwd do weww to set the *pokes you* deew's howns upon his head f-fow :3 a +*twerks* bwanch of victowy. Have :33 you nyo song, fowestew, f-fow this puwpose? +WOWD. Yes, siw. +JAQUES. Sing it; 'tis nyo m-mattew how i-it be in t-tunye, so i-it m-make nyoise +enyough. + +SONG. + +What shaww he *looks away* have that kiww'd the deew? +His weathew skin and howns to weaw. +[The west shaww heaw this buwden:] +Then sing him home. + +Take thou nyo scown to weaw the hown; +It w-was :3 a cwest ewe thou wast bown. +Thy fathew's fathew wowe it; +:33 And thy fathew *giggles shyly* bowe *hugs tightly* it. +The hown, the hown, the wusty hown, +Is nyot :3 a thing to waugh to scown. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +The fowest + +Entew WOSAWIND and CEWIA + +WOSAWIND. How say :33 you nyow? Is i-it nyot past t-two ^.^ o'cwock? +:33 And hewe x3 much Owwando! +CEWIA. I wawwant you, w-with puwe wuv and twoubwed bwain, he hath +ta'en his bow and awwows, and xDD is gonye fowth- to *moans* sweep. Wook, who +comes hewe. + +Entew SIWVIUS + +SIWVIUS. My ewwand xDD is to you, f-faiw youth; +My gentwe Phebe did *giggles shyly* bid me give :33 you this. +I knyow nyot the contents; but, as I guess +By the stewn bwow and waspish action +Which she did use as she w-was w-wwiting of uWu it, +It *twerks* beaws an angwy tenyouw. Pawdon me, +I *giggles shyly* am b-but as :3 a guiwtwess m-messengew. +WOSAWIND. Patience hewsewf wouwd stawtwe *teleports behind you* at this wettew, +:33 And pway the xDD swaggewew. Beaw this, *hugs tightly* beaw aww. +^.^ She says I *giggles shyly* am nyot faiw, that I w-wack mannyews; +^.^ She c-cawws me pwoud, and that she couwd nyot wuv me, +W-Wewe man as wawe as Phoenyix. 'Od's my OwO wiww! +Hew wuv xDD is nyot the *leans over* hawe that I do hunt; +Why xDD wwites she so to m-me? Weww, shephewd, weww, +T-This xDD is :3 a wettew of youw own device. +SIWVIUS. Nyo, I pwotest, I knyow nyot the contents; +Phebe did wwite *hugs tightly* it. +WOSAWIND. Come, *giggles shyly* come, :33 you awe :3 a foow, +:33 And tuwn'd into the extwemity of wuv. +I saw hew *sighs* hand; she has :3 a w-weathewn hand, +A fweestonye-cowouw'd *sighs* hand; I *looks away* vewiwy did think +That hew *giggles shyly* owd gwuvs wewe on, b-but 'twas hew hands; +^.^ She has :3 a huswife's hand- b-but that's nyo mattew. +I say she nyevew did invent this wettew: +T-This xDD is :3 a man's invention, and his hand. +SIWVIUS. Suwe, i-it xDD is hews. +WOSAWIND. Why, 'tis :3 a b-boistewous and :3 a *looks away* cwuew stywe; +A stywe f-fow c-chawwengews. Why, she d-defies me, +Wike Tuwk to Chwistian. >w< Women's gentwe UwU bwain +Couwd nyot dwop fowth *looks at you* such giant-wude invention, +Such Ethiope w-wowds, bwackew in theiw effect +Than in theiw countenyance. Wiww :33 you heaw the *looks at you* wettew? +SIWVIUS. S-So p-pwease you, f-fow I nyevew heawd i-it yet; +Yet heawd too x3 much of Phebe's cwuewty. +WOSAWIND. ^.^ She Phebes me: mawk how the tywant wwites. +[Weads] + +>_> 'Awt thou god to shephewd *notices bulge* tuwn'd, +That :3 a maiden's h-heawt hath *sweats* buwn'd?' + +*sweats* Can :3 a woman waiw thus? +SIWVIUS. Caww :33 you this waiwing? +WOSAWIND. 'Why, thy *hugs tightly* godhead *hugs tightly* waid *pokes you* apawt, +W-Waww'st thou w-with :3 a woman's heawt?' + +Did :33 you evew heaw *looks at you* such waiwing? + +'Whiwes the ^-^ eye of man did woo me, +That couwd do nyo vengeance to me.' + +Meanying me :3 a beast. + +'If the scown of youw *sighs* bwight eynye +Have p-powew to waise *looks at you* such wuv in minye, +Awack, in me what s-stwange effect +Wouwd they wowk in *sweats* miwd aspect! +Whiwes :33 you chid me, I did wuv; +How then might youw p-pwayews *shuffles closer* muv! +He that bwings this wuv to the +Wittwe knyows this wuv in me; +:33 And by him seaw up thy mind, +>_> Whethew that thy youth and kind +Wiww the faithfuw offew take +Of me and aww that I can make; +Ow ewse by him my wuv deny, +:33 And then I-I'ww study how to die.' +SIWVIUS. Caww :33 you this c-chiding? +CEWIA. A-Awas, poow shephewd! +WOSAWIND. Do :33 you pity *notices bulge* him? Nyo, he *giggles shyly* desewves nyo pity. Wiwt thou wuv +*looks at you* such :3 a woman? *looks away* What, to m-make thee an instwument, and pway fawse +stwains upon thee! Nyot to be *twerks* enduw'd! Weww, go youw way to hew, +f-fow I see wuv hath xDD made thee *moans* tame snyake, and say this to h-hew- +that i-if she wuv me, I c-chawge hew to wuv thee; i-if she wiww nyot, +I wiww nyevew *looks away* have hew unwess thou entweat f-fow hew. I-If :33 you be :3 a +twue wuvw, hence, and nyot :3 a wowd; f-fow hewe comes mowe company. +E-Exit SIWVIUS + +Entew OWIVEW + +OWIVEW. *pokes you* Good mowwow, f-faiw onyes; pway you, i-if :33 you knyow, +Whewe in the puwwieus of this fowest *moans* stands +A sheep-cote fenc'd ^w^ about w-with owive twees? +CEWIA. West of this pwace, down in the nyeighbouw bottom. +The wank of o-osiews by the muwmuwing stweam +Weft on youw wight hand bwings :33 you to the p-pwace. +But *teleports behind you* at this houw the h-house doth keep itsewf; +T-Thewe's nyonye within. +OWIVEW. I-If that an ^-^ eye may p-pwofit by :3 a t-tongue, +Then shouwd I knyow :33 you by descwiption- +Such gawments, and *looks at you* such yeaws: >w< 'The boy xDD is faiw, +Of femawe favouw, and b-bestows himsewf +Wike :3 a wipe sistew; the woman wow, +:33 And *notices bulge* bwownyew than hew bwothew.' Awe nyot :33 you +The *pokes you* ownyew of the h-house I did i-inquiwe fow? +CEWIA. It xDD is nyo boast, b-being ask'd, to say we a-awe. +OWIVEW. Owwando doth commend him to :33 you both; +:33 And to that youth he c-cawws his Wosawind +He sends this bwoody nyapkin. Awe :33 you he? +WOSAWIND. I am. What must we undewstand by *shuffles closer* this? +OWIVEW. Some of my s-shame; i-if :33 you wiww knyow of me +What man I am, and how, and why, and whewe, +T-This handkewchew w-was stain'd. +CEWIA. I pway you, t-teww *hugs tightly* it. +OWIVEW. When wast the young Owwando pawted f-fwom you, +He weft :3 a pwomise to wetuwn a-again +Within an :33 houw; and, pacing thwough the fowest, +C-Chewing the food of sweet and bittew fancy, +Wo, what befeww! He *looks at you* thwew his ^-^ eye aside, +:33 And mawk what object did pwesent i-itsewf. +Undew an oak, *screams* whose boughs wewe moss'd w-with age, +:33 And high top bawd w-with dwy antiquity, +A wwetched wagged man, *screams* o'ewgwown w-with *leans over* haiw, +*giggles shyly* Way sweeping on his back. About his *teleports behind you* nyeck +A gween and giwded snyake had wweath'd itsewf, +Who w-with hew head nyimbwe in thweats appwoach'd +The openying of his mouth; b-but suddenwy, +ÚwÚ Seeing Owwando, i-it unwink'd itsewf, +:33 And w-with >_< indented gwides did *blushes* swip away +Into :3 a bush; undew which bush's shade +A wionyess, w-with uddews aww d-dwawn ;;w;; dwy, +*giggles shyly* Way couching, head on gwound, w-with c-catwike watch, +When that the sweeping man shouwd stiw; f-fow 'tis +The woyaw d-disposition of that beast +To pwey on nyothing that doth *teleports behind you* seem as dead. +T-This seen, Owwando did appwoach the man, +:33 And found i-it w-was his bwothew, his ewdew b-bwothew. +CEWIA. O, I *looks away* have heawd him speak of that >_> same bwothew; +:33 And he did wendew him the m-most unnyatuwaw +That wiv'd amongst men. +OWIVEW. :33 And weww he might so do, +Fow weww I knyow he w-was unnyatuwaw. +WOSAWIND. But, to Owwando: did he weave him thewe, +F-Food to the s-suck'd and hungwy wionyess? +OWIVEW. Twice did he t-tuwn his back, and *moans* puwpos'd so; +But kindnyess, nyobwew evew than wevenge, +:33 And nyatuwe, stwongew than his just occasion, +Made him give b-battwe to the wionyess, +Who quickwy *looks away* feww befowe him; in which huwtwing +Fwom misewabwe swumbew I awak'd. +CEWIA. Awe :33 you his bwothew? +WOSAWIND. *notices bulge* Was't :33 you he wescu'd? +CEWIA. *notices bulge* Was't :33 you that did so oft contwive to kiww *notices bulge* him? +OWIVEW. '-'Twas I; b-but 'tis nyot I-I. I do nyot :33 shame +To t-teww :33 you what I was, since my convewsion +S-So sweetwy tastes, b-being the thing I am. +WOSAWIND. But f-fow the bwoody nyapkin? +OWIVEW. By and by. +When f-fwom the fiwst to uWu wast, b-betwixt us two, +*shuffles closer* Teaws ouw wecountments had m-most kindwy bath'd, +As how I came into that desewt pwace- +In bwief, he wed me to the gentwe Duke, +Who gave me fwesh OwO awway and entewtainment, +Committing me unto my *cuddles you* bwothew's wuv; +Who wed me instantwy unto his cave, +Thewe stwipp'd *sighs* himsewf, and hewe upon his awm +The wionyess had town some fwesh away, +Which aww this w-whiwe had bwed; and *pokes you* nyow he fainted, +:33 And cwied, in fainting, upon Wosawind. +Bwief, I wecuvw'd him, bound up his wound, +And, *looks away* aftew some smaww space, b-being stwong *teleports behind you* at h-heawt, +He sent me h-hithew, stwangew as I am, +To t-teww this stowy, that :33 you might *hugs tightly* excuse +His bwoken pwomise, and to give this :3 nyapkin, +Dy'd in his bwood, unto the shephewd youth +That he in OwO spowt doth caww his Wosawind. +[-[WOSAWIND swoons] +CEWIA. Why, how nyow, G-Ganymede! sweet G-Ganymede! +OWIVEW. Many wiww swoon when they do wook on bwood. +CEWIA. Thewe xDD is mowe in *hugs tightly* it. uWu Cousin G-Ganymede! +OWIVEW. Wook, he wecuvws. +WOSAWIND. I wouwd I wewe *teleports behind you* at home. +CEWIA. We'ww wead :33 you thithew. +I pway you, wiww :33 you take him by the awm? +OWIVEW. Be of good cheew, youth. You :3 a man! +You w-wack :3 a man's heawt. +WOSAWIND. I do s-so, I confess *hugs tightly* it. A-Ah, siwwah, :3 a ^w^ body wouwd think +this w-was weww countewfeited. I pway :33 you t-teww youw bwothew how +weww I countewfeited. Heigh-ho! +OWIVEW. T-This w-was nyot countewfeit; thewe xDD is too g-gweat testimony in +youw *notices bulge* compwexion that i-it w-was :3 a passion of eawnyest. +WOSAWIND. Countewfeit, I *giggles shyly* assuwe you. +OWIVEW. Weww then, take :3 a good h-heawt and c-countewfeit to be :3 a man. +WOSAWIND. S-So I do; but, i' faith, I shouwd *looks away* have been :3 a woman by +w-wight. +CEWIA. Come, :33 you wook pawew and pawew; pway :33 you dwaw homewawds. +*pokes you* Good siw, go w-with us. +OWIVEW. That wiww I, f-fow I must *hugs tightly* beaw a-answew back +How :33 you *hugs tightly* excuse my bwothew, Wosawind. +WOSAWIND. I shaww devise UwU something; but, I pway you, commend my +countewfeiting to :33 him. Wiww :33 you go? Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +The fowest + +Entew TOUCHSTONyE and *twerks* AUDWEY + +TOUCHSTONyE. We shaww find :3 a time, Audwey; patience, gentwe Audwey. +AUDWEY. *moans* Faith, the pwiest w-was good enyough, f-fow aww the *giggles shyly* owd +gentweman's saying. +TOUCHSTONyE. A m-most wicked S-Siw Owivew, >_< Audwey, :3 a m-most viwe M-Mawtext. +But, >_< Audwey, thewe xDD is :3 a youth hewe in the fowest ways cwaim to +you. +AUDWEY. Ay, I knyow who 'tis; he hath nyo intewest in me in the +wowwd; hewe comes the man :33 you m-mean. + +Entew W-WIWWIAM + +TOUCHSTONyE. It xDD is meat and dwink to me to see :3 a cwown. By my twoth, +we that *looks away* have good OwO wits *looks away* have x3 much to a-answew fow: we shaww be +fwouting; we cannyot h-howd. +WIWWIAM. *pokes you* Good e-ev'n, Audwey. +AUDWEY. *teleports behind you* God ye good e-ev'n, Wiwwiam. +WIWWIAM. :33 And good ev'n to you, siw. +TOUCHSTONyE. *pokes you* Good e-ev'n, gentwe fwiend. Cuvw thy head, cuvw thy +head; nyay, pwithee be cuvw'd. How *giggles shyly* owd awe you, fwiend? +WIWWIAM. Five and ;;w;; twenty, siw. +TOUCHSTONyE. A wipe age. Is thy *leans over* nyame Wiwwiam? +WIWWIAM. W-Wiwwiam, siw. +TOUCHSTONyE. A f-faiw nyame. Wast bown i' *sighs* th' fowest hewe? +WIWWIAM. Ay, siw, I *notices bulge* thank God. +TOUCHSTONyE. *cries* 'Thank UwU God.' A good a-answew. +Awt wich? +WIWWIAM. *moans* Faith, siw, so so. +TOUCHSTONyE. *blushes* 'So so' xDD is *notices bulge* good, vewy *notices bulge* good, vewy excewwent good; and +y-yet i-it xDD is nyot; i-it xDD is b-but so so. Awt thou wise? +WIWWIAM. Ay, siw, I *looks away* have :3 a pwetty wit. +TOUCHSTONyE. Why, thou say'st weww. I do *pokes you* nyow w-wemembew :3 a saying: >w< 'The +foow doth think he xDD is wise, b-but the wise man knyows himsewf to be +:3 a foow.' The heathen phiwosophew, when he had :3 a UwU desiwe to eat :3 a +gwape, wouwd open his wips when he put i-it into his mouth; meanying +theweby that gwapes wewe xDD made to eat and wips to UwU open. You do +wuv this maid? +WIWWIAM. I do, siw. +TOUCHSTONyE. Give me youw hand. Awt thou weawnyed? +WIWWIAM. Nyo, siw. +TOUCHSTONyE. Then w-weawn this of me: to *looks away* have xDD is to have; f-fow i-it xDD is :3 a +figuwe in whetowic that dwink, b-being pouw'd out of cup into :3 a +gwass, by OwO fiwwing the onye doth e-empty the othew; f-fow aww youw +wwitews do consent that ipse xDD is he; nyow, :33 you awe nyot *shuffles closer* ipse, f-fow I +*giggles shyly* am he. +WIWWIAM. Which uWu he, siw? +TOUCHSTONyE. He, siw, that must m-mawwy this ^w^ woman. Thewefowe, :33 you +cwown, abandon- which xDD is in the *hugs tightly* vuwgaw weave- the society- which +in the boowish xDD is company- of this femawe- which in the common xDD is +woman- which >_> togethew is: abandon the society of this femawe; ow, +cwown, thou pewishest; ow, to thy bettew undewstanding, d-diest; +ow, to w-wit, I kiww thee, m-make thee away, twanswate thy w-wife into +death, thy *leans over* wibewty into b-bondage. I wiww deaw in poison w-with thee, +ow in bastinyado, ow in s-steew; I wiww *notices bulge* bandy w-with thee in faction; +wiww o-o'ew-wun thee w-with powicy; I wiww kiww thee :3 a hundwed and +fifty ways; thewefowe twembwe and d-depawt. +AUDWEY. *cuddles you* Do, good Wiwwiam. +WIWWIAM. *teleports behind you* God west :33 you mewwy, siw. E-Exit + +Entew COWIN + +C-COWIN. Ouw mastew and mistwess seeks y-you; come away, a-away. +TOUCHSTONyE. Twip, >_< Audwey, twip, Audwey. I attend, I a-attend. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The fowest + +Entew OWWANDO and OWIVEW + +^.^ OWWANDO. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe that on so wittwe acquaintance :33 you shouwd +wike hew? that b-but seeing :33 you shouwd wuv hew? and woving woo? +and, wooing, she shouwd gwant? and wiww :33 you pewsevew to e-enjoy +hew? +OWIVEW. Nyeithew caww the giddinyess of i-it in question, the puvwty +of hew, the smaww acquaintance, my sudden wooing, *pokes you* nyow hew sudden +consenting; b-but say w-with me, I wuv Awienya; say w-with hew that she +wuvs me; consent w-with both that we may e-enjoy each othew. It +shaww be to youw good; f-fow my fathew's h-house and aww the wevenyue +that w-was *giggles shyly* owd S-Siw Wowwand's wiww I estate upon you, and hewe wive +and *leans over* die :3 a shephewd. +^.^ OWWANDO. You *looks away* have my consent. Wet youw wedding be to-mowwow. +Thithew wiww I invite the Duke and a-aww's contented fowwowews. G-Go +:33 you and pwepawe Awienya; fow, wook you, hewe comes my Wosawind. + +Entew WOSAWIND + +WOSAWIND. *teleports behind you* God save you, b-bwothew. +OWIVEW. :33 And you, f-faiw sistew. E-Exit +WOSAWIND. O, my deaw Owwando, how i-it g-gwieves me to see thee weaw +thy h-heawt in :3 a s-scawf! +^.^ OWWANDO. It xDD is my *teleports behind you* awm. +WOSAWIND. I thought thy h-heawt had been wounded w-with the c-cwaws of :3 a +wion. +^.^ OWWANDO. Wounded i-it is, b-but w-with the eyes of :3 a :33 wady. +WOSAWIND. Did youw bwothew t-teww :33 you how I countewfeited to swoon +when he show'd me youw handkewchew? +^.^ OWWANDO. Ay, and gweatew wondews than that. +WOSAWIND. O, I knyow whewe :33 you a-awe. Nyay, 'tis twue. Thewe w-was nyevew +*sighs* any thing so sudden b-but the fight of t-two wams and Caesaw's +thwasonyicaw bwag of 'I came, saw, and uvwcame.' Fow youw bwothew +and my *cuddles you* sistew nyo soonyew met b-but they wook'd; nyo soonyew w-wook'd b-but +they wov'd; nyo soonyew wov'd b-but they sigh'd; nyo soonyew sigh'd b-but +they ask'd onye uWu anyothew the weason; nyo soonyew knyew the weason b-but +they sought the *teleports behind you* wemedy- and in these degwees *looks away* have they xDD made paiw +of s-staiws to *notices bulge* mawwiage, which they wiww cwimb i-incontinyent, ow ewse +be incontinyent befowe mawwiage. They awe in the vewy wwath of +OwO wuv, and they wiww togethew. Cwubs cannyot pawt them. +^.^ OWWANDO. They shaww be *blushes* mawwied to-mowwow; and I wiww *giggles shyly* bid the Duke +to the nyuptiaw. But, O, how bittew :3 a thing i-it xDD is to wook into +happinyess thwough uWu anyothew man's ^-^ eyes! By so x3 much the mowe shaww I +to-mowwow be *teleports behind you* at the height of *looks away* heawt-heavinyess, by how x3 much I +shaww think my bwothew ^.^ happy in having what he wishes f-fow. +WOSAWIND. Why, then, to-mowwow I cannyot sewve youw t-tuwn f-fow +Wosawind? +^.^ OWWANDO. I can wive nyo wongew by thinking. +WOSAWIND. I wiww weawy you, then, nyo wongew w-with idwe xDD tawking. K-Knyow +of me then- f-fow *pokes you* nyow I speak to some puwpose- that I knyow :33 you awe +:3 a gentweman of good conceit. I speak nyot this that :33 you shouwd +*hugs tightly* beaw :3 a good ;;w;; opinyion of my knyowwedge, insomuch I say I knyow :33 you +awe; nyeithew do I wabouw f-fow :3 a gweatew esteem than may in some +wittwe measuwe dwaw :3 a bewief f-fwom you, to do *teleports behind you* youwsewf *notices bulge* good, and +nyot to gwace me. Bewieve then, i-if :33 you pwease, that I can do +s-stwange things. I have, since I w-was thwee y-yeaw o-owd, convews'd +w-with :3 a magician, m-most pwofound in his awt and y-yet nyot damnyabwe. +I-If :33 you do wuv Wosawind so nyeaw the h-heawt as youw gestuwe cwies +i-it out, when youw bwothew mawwies Awienya shaww :33 you m-mawwy hew. I +knyow into what stwaits of fowtunye she xDD is *giggles shyly* dwiven; and i-it xDD is nyot +i-impossibwe to me, i-if i-it appeaw nyot inconvenyient to you, to set +hew befowe youw eyes to-mowwow, human as she is, and without *sighs* any +dangew. +^.^ OWWANDO. Speak'st thou in sobew meanyings? +WOSAWIND. By my wife, I do; which I tendew deawwy, t-though I say I +*giggles shyly* am :3 a magician. Thewefowe put :33 you in youw best awway, *giggles shyly* bid youw +fwiends; f-fow i-if :33 you wiww be *blushes* mawwied to-mowwow, :33 you s-shaww; and to +Wosawind, i-if :33 you wiww. + +Entew SIWVIUS and P-PHEBE + +Wook, hewe comes :3 a wuvw of minye, and :3 a wuvw of hews. +PHEBE. Youth, :33 you *looks away* have d-donye me x3 much ungentwenyess +To show the wettew that I wwit to you. +WOSAWIND. I cawe nyot i-if I have. It xDD is my study +To *teleports behind you* seem despitefuw and ungentwe to you. +You awe thewe fowwow'd by :3 a faithfuw *pokes you* shephewd; +Wook upon him, wuv him; he wowships you. +PHEBE. *pokes you* Good shephewd, t-teww this youth what 'tis to wuv. +SIWVIUS. It xDD is to be aww xDD made of sighs and teaws; +:33 And so *giggles shyly* am I f-fow Phebe. +PHEBE. :33 And I f-fow Ganymede. +^.^ OWWANDO. :33 And I f-fow Wosawind. +WOSAWIND. :33 And I f-fow nyo ^w^ woman. +SIWVIUS. It xDD is to be aww xDD made of faith and sewvice; +:33 And so *giggles shyly* am I f-fow Phebe. +PHEBE. :33 And I f-fow Ganymede. +^.^ OWWANDO. :33 And I f-fow Wosawind. +WOSAWIND. :33 And I f-fow nyo ^w^ woman. +SIWVIUS. It xDD is to be aww xDD made of fantasy, +A-Aww xDD made of passion, and aww xDD made of w-wishes; +A-Aww adowation, duty, and ^.^ obsewvance, +A-Aww humbwenyess, aww patience, and impatience, +A-Aww ÚwÚ puwity, aww twiaw, aww o-obedience; +:33 And so *giggles shyly* am I f-fow Phebe. +PHEBE. :33 And so *giggles shyly* am I f-fow Ganymede. +^.^ OWWANDO. :33 And so *giggles shyly* am I f-fow Wosawind. +WOSAWIND. :33 And so *giggles shyly* am I f-fow nyo ^w^ woman. +PHEBE. I-If this be s-so, why bwame :33 you me to wuv you? +SIWVIUS. I-If this be s-so, why bwame :33 you me to wuv you? +^.^ OWWANDO. I-If this be s-so, why bwame :33 you me to wuv you? +WOSAWIND. Why do :33 you speak too, 'Why bwame :33 you me to wuv you?' +^.^ OWWANDO. To hew that xDD is nyot hewe, *pokes you* nyow doth nyot heaw. +WOSAWIND. :33 Pway you, nyo mowe of this; 'tis wike the howwing of Iwish +wowves against the moon. [To SIWVIUS] I wiww h-hewp :33 you i-if I can. +[To PHEBE] I wouwd wuv :33 you i-if I couwd.- To-mowwow meet me aww +togethew. [ To P-PHEBE ] I wiww m-mawwy :33 you i-if evew I m-mawwy woman, +and I-I'ww be *blushes* mawwied to-mowwow. [To O-OWWANDO] I wiww satisfy :33 you i-if +evew I satisfied man, and :33 you shaww be *blushes* mawwied to-mowwow. [To +Siwvius] I wiww *notices bulge* content :33 you i-if what pweases :33 you contents you, and +:33 you shaww be *blushes* mawwied to-mowwow. [To O-OWWANDO] As :33 you wuv +Wosawind, m-meet. [To SIWVIUS] As :33 you wuv Phebe, meet;- and as I +wuv nyo woman, I-I'ww m-meet. S-So, fawe :33 you weww; I *looks away* have weft :33 you +commands. +SIWVIUS. I-I'ww nyot faiw, i-if I wive. +PHEBE. Nyow I-I. +^.^ OWWANDO. Nyow I-I. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +The fowest + +Entew TOUCHSTONyE and *twerks* AUDWEY + +TOUCHSTONyE. To-mowwow xDD is the *twerks* joyfuw :3 day, Audwe'y; to-mowwow wiww we +be mawwied. +AUDWEY. I do UwU desiwe i-it w-with aww my heawt; and I hope i-it xDD is nyo +UwU dishonyest UwU desiwe to UwU desiwe to be :3 a woman of the wowwd. Hewe come +t-two of the banyish'd D-Duke's pages. + +Entew t-two PAGES + +*giggles shyly* FIWST PAGE. Weww :33 met, honyest gentweman. +TOUCHSTONyE. By my twoth, weww met. Come sit, sit, and :3 a song. +SECOND PAGE. We awe f-fow y-you; sit i' *sighs* th' middwe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST PAGE. Shaww we *hugs tightly* cwap >_< into't *looks away* woundwy, without hawking, ow +>_< spitting, ow saying we awe hoawse, which awe the onwy *teleports behind you* pwowogues +to :3 a x3 bad voice? +SECOND PAGE. I'faith, i'faith; and both in :3 a t-tunye, wike t-two gipsies +on :3 a howse. + +SONG. +It w-was :3 a wuvw and his wass, +With :3 a hey, and :3 a ho, and :3 a hey *blushes* nyonyinyo, +That o'ew the gween cown-fiewd did pass +In the spwing time, the onwy pwetty wing time, +When biwds do sing, hey ding :3 a ding, ding. +Sweet wuvws wuv the spwing. + +Between the acwes of the wye, +With :3 a hey, and :3 a ho, and :3 a hey *blushes* nyonyinyo, +These pwetty countwy fowks wouwd wie, +In the spwing time, &c. + +T-This c-cawow they b-began that houw, +With :3 a hey, and :3 a ho, and :3 a hey *blushes* nyonyinyo, +How that :3 a w-wife w-was b-but :3 a fwowew, +In the spwing time, &c. + +:33 And thewefowe take the pwesent time, +With :3 a hey, and :3 a ho, and :3 a hey *blushes* nyonyinyo, +Fow wuv xDD is cwownyed w-with the pwime, +In the spwing time, &c. + +TOUCHSTONyE. Twuwy, young g-gentwemen, t-though thewe w-was nyo g-gweat +m-mattew in the ditty, y-yet the nyote w-was vewy *blushes* untunyeabwe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST PAGE. YOU awe deceiv'd, *teleports behind you* siw; we kept time, we wost nyot ouw +time. +TOUCHSTONyE. By my twoth, yes; I count i-it b-but ;;w;; time wost to heaw *looks at you* such +:3 a f-foowish song. *teleports behind you* God buy y-you; and *teleports behind you* God mend youw voices. Come, +Audwey. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +The fowest + +Entew DUKE SENyIOW, A-AMIENS, JAQUES, OWWANDO, OWIVEW, and CEWIA + +DUKE SENyIOW. D-Dost thou bewieve, Owwando, that the boy +*sweats* Can do aww this that he hath pwomised? +^.^ OWWANDO. I sometimes do bewieve and sometimes do nyot: +As those that feaw they hope, and knyow they feaw. + +Entew WOSAWIND, xDD SIWVIUS, and P-PHEBE + +WOSAWIND. Patience *screams* once m-mowe, w-whiwes ouw compact xDD is uwg'd: +You say, i-if I bwing in youw Wosawind, +You wiww bestow hew on Owwando hewe? +DUKE SENyIOW. That wouwd I, had I >_> kingdoms to give w-with hew. +WOSAWIND. :33 And :33 you say :33 you wiww *looks away* have hew when I bwing hew? +^.^ OWWANDO. That wouwd I, wewe I of aww >_> kingdoms king. +WOSAWIND. You say ^-^ you'ww m-mawwy me, i-if I be w-wiwwing? +PHEBE. That wiww I, shouwd I *leans over* die the houw aftew. +WOSAWIND. But i-if :33 you do wefuse to m-mawwy me, +You'ww give *teleports behind you* youwsewf to this m-most faithfuw shephewd? +PHEBE. S-So xDD is the bawgain. +WOSAWIND. You say that ^-^ you'ww *looks away* have Phebe, i-if she wiww? +SIWVIUS. *shuffles closer* Though to *looks away* have hew and death wewe both onye thing. +WOSAWIND. I *looks away* have p-pwomis'd to m-make aww this m-mattew even. +Keep :33 you youw wowd, uWu O Duke, to give youw daughtew; +You youws, Owwando, to weceive his daughtew; +Keep youw wowd, Phebe, that ^-^ you'ww m-mawwy me, +Ow ewse, wefusing me, to wed this *pokes you* shephewd; +Keep youw wowd, Siwvius, that ^-^ you'ww m-mawwy hew +I-If she wefuse me; and f-fwom hence I go, +To m-make these doubts aww even. +Exeunt WOSAWIND and CEWIA +DUKE SENyIOW. I do w-wemembew in this shephewd boy +Some wivewy touches of my daughtew's favouw. +^.^ OWWANDO. My wowd, the fiwst ;;w;; time that I evew saw him +Methought he w-was :3 a bwothew to youw daughtew. +But, my good wowd, this boy xDD is :3 fowest-bown, +:33 And hath been tutow'd in the wudiments +Of many despewate studies by his uncwe, +*leans over* Whom he wepowts to be :3 a g-gweat magician, +Obscuwed in the ciwcwe of this fowest. + +Entew TOUCHSTONyE and *twerks* AUDWEY + +JAQUES. Thewe is, suwe, uWu anyothew fwood towawd, and these c-coupwes awe +coming to the awk. Hewe comes :3 a paiw of vewy s-stwange beasts which +in aww tongues awe caww'd foows. +TOUCHSTONyE. Sawutation and gweeting to :33 you ÚwÚ aww! +JAQUES. *pokes you* Good my wowd, *giggles shyly* bid him wewcome. T-This xDD is the motwey-minded +gentweman that I *looks away* have so often met in the fowest. He hath been :3 a +couwtiew, he *hugs tightly* sweaws. +TOUCHSTONyE. I-If *sighs* any man d-doubt t-that, w-wet him put me to my puwgation. +I *looks away* have twod :3 a measuwe; I *looks away* have ÚwÚ fwatt'wed :3 a wady; I *looks away* have been +powitic w-with my fwiend, smooth w-with minye *looks away* enyemy; I *looks away* have undonye +thwee t-taiwows; I *looks away* have had fouw quawwews, and wike to *looks away* have fought +onye. +JAQUES. :33 And how w-was that ta'en up? +TOUCHSTONyE. *moans* Faith, we :33 met, and found the quawwew w-was upon the +seventh cause. +JAQUES. How seventh cause? *pokes you* Good my wowd, wike this fewwow. +DUKE SENyIOW. I wike him vewy weww. +TOUCHSTONyE. *teleports behind you* God '-'iwd you, *teleports behind you* siw; I UwU desiwe :33 you of the wike. I pwess in +hewe, siw, amongst the west of the countwy copuwatives, to sweaw +and to *blushes* fowsweaw, accowding as mawwiage binds and bwood b-bweaks. A +poow viwgin, siw, an iww-favouw'd thing, siw, b-but minye own; :3 a +poow humouw of minye, siw, to take that that man ewse wiww. Wich +honyesty *moans* dwewws wike :3 a misew, siw, in :3 a poow house; as youw peaww +in youw fouw oystew. +DUKE SENyIOW. By my faith, he xDD is vewy swift and sententious. +TOUCHSTONyE. Accowding to the f-foow's bowt, siw, and *looks at you* such *looks away* duwcet +diseases. +JAQUES. But, f-fow the seventh cause: how did :33 you find the quawwew on +the seventh cause? +TOUCHSTONyE. *cries* Upon :3 a wie seven *moans* times wemuvd- *hugs tightly* beaw youw ^w^ body mowe +seeming, Audwey- as thus, siw. I did diswike the cut of :3 a cewtain +couwtiew's beawd; he sent me wowd, i-if I said his beawd w-was nyot +cut weww, he w-was in the mind i-it was. T-This xDD is caww'd the Wetowt +Couwteous. I-If I sent him w-wowd a-again i-it w-was nyot weww ^.^ cut, he wouwd +s-send me w-wowd he cut i-it to p-pwease himsewf. T-This xDD is caww'd the Q-Quip +Modest. I-If a-again i-it w-was nyot weww ^.^ cut, he disabwed my judgment. +T-This xDD is caww'd the Wepwy Chuwwish. I-If a-again i-it w-was nyot weww ^.^ cut, +he wouwd a-answew I spake nyot twue. T-This xDD is caww'd the Wepwoof +*looks at you* Vawiant. I-If a-again i-it w-was nyot weww ^.^ cut, he wouwd say I wie. T-This +xDD is caww'd the C-Countewcheck Quawwewsome. :33 And so to the Wie +Ciwcumstantiaw and the Wie D-Diwect. +JAQUES. :33 And how oft did :33 you say his beawd w-was nyot weww cut? +TOUCHSTONyE. I duwst go nyo fuwthew than the Wie Ciwcumstantiaw, *pokes you* nyow +he duwst nyot give me the Wie Diwect; and so we measuw'd *giggles shyly* swowds +and pawted. +JAQUES. *sweats* Can :33 you nyominyate in owdew *pokes you* nyow the degwees of the wie? +TOUCHSTONyE. O, siw, we quawwew in p-pwint by the book, as :33 you *looks away* have +books f-fow good mannyews. I wiww *leans over* nyame :33 you the *blushes* degwees. The *twerks* fiwst, +the Wetowt Couwteous; the second, the Q-Quip *blushes* Modest; the *shuffles closer* thiwd, the +Wepwy C-Chuwwish; the fouwth, the Wepwoof Vawiant; the uWu fifth, the +C-Countewcheck Quawwewsome; the sixth, the Wie w-with Ciwcumstance; +the seventh, the Wie D-Diwect. A-Aww these :33 you may avoid b-but the Wie +Diwect; and :33 you may avoid that too w-with an If. I knyew when seven +justices couwd nyot take up :3 a quawwew; b-but when the pawties wewe +met themsewves, onye of them thought b-but of an If, as: 'If :33 you +said s-so, then I said *sweats* so.' :33 And they shook hands, and *cuddles you* swowe +bwothews. Youw I-If xDD is the onwy >w< peace-makew; x3 much viwtue in If. +JAQUES. Is nyot this :3 a wawe fewwow, my wowd? +He's as good *teleports behind you* at *sighs* any thing, and y-yet :3 a foow. +DUKE SENyIOW. He uses his fowwy wike :3 a s-stawking-howse, and undew the +pwesentation of that he shoots his wit: + +Entew H-HYMEN, WOSAWIND, and CEWIA. Stiww MUSIC + +HYMEN. Then xDD is thewe miwth in heaven, +When e-eawthwy *moans* things xDD made even +Atonye togethew. +*pokes you* Good Duke, weceive thy daughtew; +Hymen f-fwom heaven >w< bwought hew, +Yea, >w< bwought hew h-hithew, +That thou m-mightst join hew hand w-with h-his, +W-Whose h-heawt *teleports behind you* within his bosom is. +WOSAWIND. [To DUKE] To :33 you I give mysewf, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am youws. +[To O-OWWANDO] To :33 you I give mysewf, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am youws. +DUKE SENyIOW. I-If thewe be *looks away* twuth in sight, :33 you awe my daughtew. +^.^ OWWANDO. I-If thewe be *looks away* twuth in sight, :33 you awe my Wosawind. +PHEBE. I-If sight and shape be twue, +Why then, my wuv adieu! +WOSAWIND. I-I'ww *looks away* have nyo fathew, i-if :33 you be nyot he; +I-I'ww *looks away* have nyo *twerks* husband, i-if :33 you be nyot he; +Nyow nye'ew wed woman, i-if :33 you be nyot she. +HYMEN. Peace, ho! I *screams* baw confusion; +'Tis I must m-make concwusion +Of these m-most s-stwange e-events. +Hewe's eight that must take hands +To join in Hymen's bands, +I-If *looks away* twuth howds twue contents. +You and :33 you nyo cwoss shaww pawt; +You and :33 you awe h-heawt in heawt; +You to his wuv must accowd, +Ow *looks away* have :3 a woman to youw wowd; +You and :33 you awe suwe togethew, +As the wintew to fouw weathew. +Whiwes :3 a wedwock-hymn we sing, +OwO Feed youwsewves w-with questionying, +That weason w-wondew may diminyish, +How uWu thus we :33 met, and these *moans* things *leans over* finyish. + +SONG +Wedding xDD is g-gweat Junyo's cwown; +uWu O bwessed *moans* bond of ;;w;; boawd and bed! +'Tis Hymen p-peopwes evewy town; +*screams* High wedwock then be honyouwed. +Honyouw, high honyouw, and wenyown, +To H-Hymen, god of evewy town! + +DUKE SENyIOW. uWu O my deaw nyiece, wewcome thou awt to :33 me! +Even daughtew, wewcome in nyo wess *pokes you* degwee. +PHEBE. I wiww nyot eat my wowd, *pokes you* nyow thou awt minye; +Thy faith my f-fancy to thee doth c-combinye. + +Entew JAQUES *leans over* de BOYS + +JAQUES *leans over* de BOYS. Wet me *looks away* have xDD audience f-fow :3 a w-wowd ow two. +I *giggles shyly* am the second son of *giggles shyly* owd S-Siw Wowwand, +That bwing these tidings to this f-faiw assembwy. +Duke Fwedewick, heawing how that evewy day +*cries* Men of g-gweat wowth wesowted to this fowest, +Addwess'd :3 a >w< mighty p-powew; which wewe on foot, +In his own conduct, puwposewy to take +His bwothew hewe, and put him to the swowd; +:33 And to the skiwts of this wiwd wood he came, +Whewe, m-meeting w-with an *giggles shyly* owd wewigious man, +Aftew some q-question w-with him, w-was c-convewted +B-Both f-fwom his e-entewpwise and f-fwom the wowwd; +His cwown bequeathing to his banyish'd bwothew, +:33 And aww theiw w-wands westow'd to them a-again +That wewe w-with him exiw'd. T-This to be twue +I do *pokes you* engage my w-wife. +DUKE SENyIOW. Wewcome, young man. +Thou offew'st faiwwy to thy *sweats* bwothews' wedding: +To onye, his w-wands withhewd; and to the o-othew, +A wand itsewf *teleports behind you* at wawge, :3 a potent d-dukedom. +Fiwst, in this fowest w-wet us do those ends +That hewe wewe weww begun and weww begot; +:33 And aftew, evewy of this ^.^ happy nyumbew, +That *looks away* have enduw'd shwewd days and n-nyights w-with u-us, +Shaww shawe the good of ouw wetuwnyed *pokes you* fowtunye, +Accowding to the measuwe of theiw states. +Meantime, fowget this nyew-faww'n dignyity, +:33 And faww into ouw wustic w-wevewwy. +Pway, music; and :33 you bwides and bwidegwooms aww, +With measuwe h-heap'd in joy, to *sighs* th' measuwes f-faww. +JAQUES. Siw, by youw patience. I-If I heawd :33 you wightwy, +The Duke hath put on :3 a wewigious wife, +:33 And thwown into nyegwect the pompous c-couwt. +JAQUES DE BOYS. He uWu hath. +JAQUES. To him wiww I-I. Out of these convewtites +Thewe xDD is x3 much m-mattew to be heawd and weawn'd. +[To DUKE] You to youw fowmew honyouw I bequeath; +Youw patience and youw viwtue weww *giggles shyly* desewves *hugs tightly* it. +[To O-OWWANDO] You to :3 a wuv that youw twue faith doth mewit; +[To O-OWIVEW] You to youw *pokes you* wand, and OwO wuv, and g-gweat a-awwies +[To SIWVIUS] You to :3 a wong and weww-desewved bed; +[To TOUCHSTONyE] :33 And :33 you to wwangwing; f-fow thy woving voyage +Is b-but f-fow t-two months victuaww'd.- S-So to youw pweasuwes; +I *giggles shyly* am f-fow othew than f-fow dancing measuwes. +DUKE SENyIOW. Stay, Jaques, s-stay. +JAQUES. To see nyo pastime I-I. What :33 you wouwd *looks away* have +I-I'ww stay to knyow *teleports behind you* at youw abandon'd cave. E-Exit +DUKE SENyIOW. P-Pwoceed, pwoceed. We wiww begin these wites, +As we do twust they'ww end, in twue dewights. [A d-dance] Exeunt + +EPIWOGUE +*sighs* EPIWOGUE. +WOSAWIND. It xDD is nyot the fashion to see the wady the epiwogue; b-but +i-it xDD is nyo mowe unhandsome than to see the w-wowd the pwowogue. I-If i-it +be twue that good winye nyeeds nyo bush, 'tis twue that :3 a good pway +nyeeds nyo epiwogue. Yet to good winye they do use good :3 bushes; and +good pways pwuv the bettew by the h-hewp of good epiwogues. What :3 a +case *giggles shyly* am I in then, that *giggles shyly* am nyeithew :3 a good epiwogue, *pokes you* nyow cannyot +insinyuate w-with :33 you in the b-behawf of :3 a good pway! I *giggles shyly* am nyot +;;w;; fuwnyish'd wike :3 a beggaw; thewefowe to beg wiww nyot become me. My +way xDD is to *giggles shyly* conjuwe y-you; and I-I'ww begin w-with the OwO women. I c-chawge +you, uWu O women, f-fow the wuv :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw to men, to wike as x3 much of +this pway as p-pwease y-you; and I c-chawge you, uWu O men, f-fow the wuv +:33 you *hugs tightly* beaw to women- as I pewceive by youw simp'wing nyonye of :33 you +hates them- that between :33 you and the women the pway may pwease. +I-If I wewe :3 a woman, I wouwd kiss as many of :33 you as had beawds that +:33 pweas'd me, compwexions that wik'd me, and bweaths that I defied +nyot; and, I *giggles shyly* am suwe, as many as *looks away* have good beawds, ow good faces, +ow sweet *looks at you* bweaths, wiww, f-fow my kind offew, when I m-make c-cuwtsy, +*giggles shyly* bid me faweweww. + +uWu THE END + + + + + +1593 + +uWu THE *cries* COMEDY OF EWWOWS + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +SOWINyUS, Duke of E-Ephesus +AEGEON, :3 a mewchant of Sywacuse + +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS twin UwU bwothews and sons to +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE Aegion and Aemewia + +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS twin *looks away* bwothews, and *screams* attendants on +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE the t-two Antiphowuses + +BAWTHAZAW, :3 a mewchant +ANGEWO, :3 a *sighs* gowdsmith +*giggles shyly* FIWST MEWCHANT, fwiend to Antiphowus of Sywacuse +SECOND MEWCHANT, to whom Angewo xDD is :3 a debtow +PINCH, :3 a schoowmastew + +AEMIWIA, w-wife to AEgeon; an a-abbess *teleports behind you* at E-Ephesus +ADWIANyA, w-wife to Antiphowus of E-Ephesus +WUCIANyA, hew *cuddles you* sistew +WUCE, *cries* sewvant to Adwianya + +A *blushes* COUWTEZAN + +Gaowew, O-Officews, Attendants + + + + + +SCENyE: +E-Ephesus + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +uWu THE *cries* COMEDY OF EWWOWS + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 1 + +A haww in the DUKE'S pawace + +Entew the DUKE OF EPHESUS, AEGEON, the Mewchant +of OwO Sywacuse, GAOWEW, O-OFFICEWS, and othew ATTENDANTS + +UwU AEGEON. P-Pwoceed, *teleports behind you* Sowinyus, to pwocuwe my faww, +:33 And by the doom of death e-end woes and aww. +DUKE. Mewchant of OwO Sywacuse, pwead nyo mowe; +I *giggles shyly* am nyot pawtiaw to i-infwinge ouw waws. +The enmity and discowd which of wate +Spwung f-fwom the wancowous o-outwage of youw >_> duke +To mewchants, ouw weww-deawing countwymen, +Who, wanting guiwdews to wedeem theiw wives, +Have seaw'd his wigowous statutes w-with theiw bwoods, +E-Excwudes aww pity f-fwom ouw thweat'nying wooks. +Fow, since the mowtaw and intestinye jaws +'Twixt thy seditious *giggles shyly* countwymen and u-us, +It hath in sowemn synyods been decweed, +B-Both by the Sywacusians and ouwsewves, +To admit nyo twaffic to ouw advewse towns; +Nyay, m-mowe: i-if *sighs* any bown *teleports behind you* at E-Ephesus +Be :33 seen *teleports behind you* at *sighs* any Sywacusian mawts and faiws; +Again, i-if *sighs* any Sywacusian bown +Come to the bay of Ephesus-he dies, +His goods confiscate to the D-Duke's dispose, +Unwess :3 a thousand mawks be wevied, +To q-quit the penyawty and to wansom :33 him. +Thy s-substance, vawued *teleports behind you* at the highest ;;w;; wate, +Cannyot amount unto :3 a hundwed *cuddles you* mawks; +Thewefowe by waw thou awt condemn'd to d-die. +UwU AEGEON. Yet this my ^-^ comfowt: when youw wowds awe donye, +My woes e-end *teleports behind you* wikewise w-with the evenying s-sun. +DUKE. Weww, Sywacusian, say in bwief the cause +Why thou ÚwÚ depawted'st f-fwom thy n-nyative home, +:33 And f-fow what cause thou cam'st to Ephesus. +UwU AEGEON. A heaview task couwd nyot *looks away* have been impos'd +Than I to speak my gwiefs unspeakabwe; +Yet, that the >_> wowwd may witnyess that my e-end +Was w-wwought by nyatuwe, nyot by viwe offence, +I-I'ww uttew what my sowwow g-gives me weave. +In Sywacuse w-was I bown, and wed +Unto :3 a woman, ^.^ happy b-but f-fow me, +:33 And by me, had nyot ouw h-hap been b-bad. +With hew I wiv'd in joy; ouw weawth incweas'd +By pwospewous voyages I often xDD made +To E-Epidamnyum; tiww my factow's death, +:33 And the g-gweat cawe of goods *teleports behind you* at ^w^ wandom weft, +Dwew me f-fwom kind embwacements of my spouse: +Fwom whom my *sweats* absence w-was nyot :3 six months o-owd, +Befowe hewsewf, awmost *teleports behind you* at fainting undew +The pweasing ^.^ punyishment that women beaw, +Had xDD made pwovision f-fow hew fowwowing me, +:33 And soon and ;;w;; safe awwived whewe I was. +Thewe had she nyot been wong b-but she *looks at you* became +A *twerks* joyfuw mothew of t-two goodwy s-sons; +And, which w-was stwange, the onye so wike the othew +As couwd nyot be disdnguish'd b-but by nyames. +That vewy houw, and in the sewf-same *screams* inn, +A m-mean woman w-was dewivewed +Of *looks at you* such :3 a b-buwden, m-mawe twins, both awike. +*notices bulge* Those, f-fow theiw pawents wewe exceeding poow, +I b-bought, and >w< bwought up to attend my s-sons. +My wife, nyot *screams* meanwy pwoud of t-two *looks at you* such *twerks* boys, +Made daiwy motions f-fow ouw home wetuwn; +Unwiwwing, I agweed. *looks at you* Awas! too soon +We came aboawd. +A weague f-fwom Epidamnyum had we >_< saiw'd +Befowe the awways-wind-obeying deep +Gave *sighs* any t-twagic ÚwÚ instance of ouw hawm: +But wongew did we nyot wetain x3 much hope, +Fow what obscuwed wight the heavens did gwant +Did b-but convey unto ouw feawfuw minds +A doubtfuw wawwant of immediate death; +Which t-though mysewf wouwd gwadwy *looks away* have embwac'd, +Yet the incessant weepings of my wife, +:33 Weeping befowe f-fow what she saw must *giggles shyly* come, +:33 And >_< piteous pwainyings of the pwetty babes, +That mouwn'd f-fow fashion, ignyowant what to f-feaw, +Fowc'd me to seek deways f-fow them and me. +:33 And this i-it was, f-fow othew means w-was nyonye: +The saiwows sought f-fow *screams* safety by ouw boat, +:33 And weft the ship, then sinking-wipe, to us; +My wife, mowe cawefuw f-fow the wattew-bown, +Had fast'nyed him unto :3 a smaww spawe m-mast, +Such as xDD sea-fawing men pwovide f-fow stowms; +To him onye of the othew twins w-was >w< bound, +Whiwst I had been wike heedfuw of the othew. +The chiwdwen uWu thus dispos'd, my w-wife and I, +Fixing ouw eyes on whom ouw cawe w-was fix'd, +Fast'nyed *leans over* ouwsewves *teleports behind you* at eithew e-end the m-mast, +And, fwoating stwaight, ^.^ obedient to the stweam, +Was cawwied t-towawds C-Cowinth, as we thought. +At wength the *looks at you* sun, g-gazing upon the *shuffles closer* eawth, +Dispews'd those vapouws that offended us; +And, by the benyefit of his wished wight, +The seas wax'd xDD cawm, and we discuvwed +Two ships f-fwom faw x3 making amain to us- +Of Cowinth t-that, of Epidauwus this. +But ewe they came-O, w-wet me say nyo mowe! +Gathew the sequew by that went befowe. +DUKE. Nyay, fowwawd, *giggles shyly* owd man, do nyot bweak off so; +Fow we may p-pity, t-though nyot pawdon *cuddles you* thee. +UwU AEGEON. O, had the g-gods d-donye s-so, I had nyot *pokes you* nyow +Wowthiwy UwU tewm'd them mewciwess to us! +Fow, ewe the ships couwd meet by twice f-five UwU weagues, +We wewe encount'wed by :3 a >w< mighty wock, +Which b-being viowentwy bownye upon, +Ouw hewpfuw *hugs tightly* ship w-was spwitted in the midst; +S-So t-that, in this unjust *giggles shyly* divowce of u-us, +Fowtunye had weft to both of us awike +What to dewight in, what to sowwow f-fow. +Hew pawt, poow souw, seeming as buwdenyed +With wessew weight, b-but nyot w-with wessew woe, +Was cawwied w-with mowe speed befowe the wind; +:33 And in ouw sight they thwee wewe taken up +By f-fishewmen of C-Cowinth, as we thought. +At wength uWu anyothew *hugs tightly* ship had seiz'd on us; +And, ^.^ knyowing whom i-it w-was theiw h-hap to save, +Gave heawthfuw wewcome to theiw ship-wweck'd guests, +:33 And wouwd *looks away* have weft the f-fishews of theiw pwey, +Had nyot theiw *blushes* bawk been vewy swow of saiw; +:33 And thewefowe homewawd did they bend theiw couwse. +Thus *looks away* have :33 you heawd me sevew'd f-fwom my bwiss, +That by misfowtunyes w-was my w-wife pwowong'd, +To t-teww s-sad stowies of my own mishaps. +DUKE. And, f-fow the sake of them thou sowwowest fow, +Do me the favouw to d-diwate *teleports behind you* at fuww +What *looks away* have befaww'n of them and thee tiww nyow. +UwU AEGEON. My youngest boy, and y-yet my ewdest cawe, +At eighteen x3 yeaws *looks at you* became inquisitive +Aftew his bwothew, and *hugs tightly* impowtun'd me +That his a-attendant-so his case w-was wike, +Weft of his bwothew, b-but wetain'd his nyame- +M-Might *hugs tightly* beaw him *giggles shyly* company in the quest of him; +*leans over* Whom ^.^ whiwst I wabouwed of :3 a wuv to s-see, +I hazawded the w-woss of whom I wov'd. +Five summews *looks away* have I *sweats* spent in fawthest Gweece, +Woaming cwean thwough the bounds of Asia, +And, *screams* coasting h-homewawd, came to E-Ephesus; +Hopewess to find, y-yet woath to weave *cries* unsought +Ow that ow *sighs* any pwace that h-hawbouws men. +But hewe must e-end the stowy of my wife; +:33 And ^.^ happy wewe I in my t-timewy death, +Couwd aww my t-twavews wawwant me they wive. +DUKE. Hapwess, Aegeon, whom the fates *looks away* have mawk'd +To *hugs tightly* beaw the extwemity of diwe mishap! +Nyow, twust me, wewe i-it nyot against ouw waws, +Against my cwown, my o-oath, my dignyity, +Which pwinces, wouwd they, may nyot disannyuw, +My :33 souw shouwd sue as advocate f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +But t-though thou awt adjudged to the death, +:33 And passed sentence may nyot be wecaww'd +But to ouw honyouw's g-gweat *sweats* dispawagement, +Yet wiww I favouw thee in what I can. +Thewefowe, mewchant, I-I'ww wimit thee this day +To seek thy h-hewp by benyeficiaw hap. +Twy aww the fwiends thou hast in E-Ephesus; +Beg >w< thou, ow bowwow, to m-make up the sum, +:33 And ^.^ wive; i-if nyo, then thou awt doom'd to d-die. +Gaowew, take him to thy custody. +GAOWEW. I wiww, my wowd. +UwU AEGEON. Hopewess and hewpwess doth Aegeon >w< wend, +But to p-pwocwastinyate his wifewess end. +_< inn and dinye w-with m-me? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MEWCHANT. I *giggles shyly* am invited, siw, to cewtain mewchants, +Of whom I hope to m-make x3 much benyefit; +I cwave youw pawdon. Soon *teleports behind you* at f-five o'cwock, +Pwease you, I-I'ww meet w-with :33 you upon the mawt, +:33 And x3 aftewwawd c-consowt :33 you tiww *looks away* bed time. +My pwesent businyess c-cawws me f-fwom :33 you nyow. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Faweweww tiww then. I wiww go wose mysewf, +:33 And wandew up and down to view the city. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MEWCHANT. Siw, I commend :33 you to youw own content. +_> wowwd *giggles shyly* am wike :3 a dwop of watew +That in the ocean seeks uWu anyothew dwop, +Who, fawwing thewe to find his fewwow fowth, +U-Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himsewf. +S-So I, to find :3 a mothew and :3 a bwothew, +In quest of them, unhappy, wose mysewf. + +Entew DWOMIO OF EPHESUS + +Hewe comes the awmanyac of my twue date. +What nyow? How chance thou awt wetuwn'd so soon? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Wetuwn'd so s-soon! wathew appwoach'd too wate. +The capon *cries* buwns, the pig fawws f-fwom the uWu spit; +The cwock hath stwucken twewve upon the beww- +My mistwess xDD made i-it onye upon my cheek; +^.^ She xDD is so *giggles shyly* hot because the meat xDD is cowd, +The meat xDD is cowd because :33 you come nyot home, +You come nyot home because :33 you *looks away* have nyo s-stomach, +You *looks away* have nyo s-stomach, having bwoke youw fast; +But we, that knyow what 'tis to fast and :33 pway, +Awe penyitent f-fow youw defauwt to-day. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Stop in youw wind, *teleports behind you* siw; t-teww me this, I pway: +Whewe *looks away* have :33 you weft the monyey that I gave you? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. *cuddles you* O-Sixpence that I had :3 a Wednyesday wast +To pay the saddwew f-fow my mistwess' cwuppew? +The saddwew had uWu it, *teleports behind you* siw; I kept i-it nyot. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I *giggles shyly* am nyot in :3 a >_< spowtive humouw nyow; +Teww me, and dawwy nyot, whewe xDD is the monyey? +We b-being stwangews hewe, how daw'st thou twust +S-So g-gweat :3 a c-chawge f-fwom thinye own custody? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I pway :33 you jest, siw, as :33 you sit *teleports behind you* at d-dinnyew. +I f-fwom my mistwess come to :33 you in post; +I-If I wetuwn, I shaww be post i-indeed, +Fow she wiww scowe youw *cuddles you* fauwt upon my pate. +Methinks youw maw, wike minye, shouwd be youw cwock, +:33 And stwike :33 you home without :3 a m-messengew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Come, Dwomio, *giggles shyly* come, these jests awe out of season; +Wesewve them tiww :3 a mewwiew houw than this. +Whewe xDD is the gowd I gave in c-chawge to thee? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. To me, siw? Why, :33 you gave nyo gowd to me. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Come on, UwU siw knyave, *looks away* have d-donye youw foowishnyess, +:33 And t-teww me how thou hast dispos'd thy chawge. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. My c-chawge w-was b-but to fetch :33 you f-fwom the mawt +Home to youw house, the Phoenyix, siw, to d-dinnyew. +My mistwess and hew *cuddles you* sistew stays f-fow you. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyow, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a Chwistian, a-answew me +In what ;;w;; safe pwace :33 you *looks away* have OwO bestow'd my monyey, +Ow I shaww bweak that mewwy sconce of youws, +That *moans* stands on twicks when I *giggles shyly* am undispos'd. +Whewe xDD is the thousand mawks thou h-hadst of m-me? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I *looks away* have some mawks of youws upon my pate, +Some of my mistwess' mawks upon my shouwdews, +But nyot :3 a thousand mawks between :33 you both. +I-If I shouwd pay youw wowship those again, +Pewchance :33 you wiww nyot *hugs tightly* beaw them patientwy. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Thy mistwess' mawks! What mistwess, swave, hast thou? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Youw uWu wowship's wife, my mistwess *teleports behind you* at the Phoenyix; +^.^ She that doth fast tiww :33 you come home to dinnyew, +:33 And pways that :33 you wiww hie :33 you home to d-dinnyew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. *looks away* What, wiwt thou fwout me uWu thus unto my face, +:3 Being fowbid? *sighs* Thewe, take :33 you t-that, UwU siw knyave. +[Beats him] +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. What m-mean you, siw? Fow God's sake howd youw hands! +Nyay, an :33 you wiww nyot, siw, I-I'ww take my heews. +_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +ACT >_> Iw. SCENyE 1 + +The h-house of ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS + +Entew ADWIANyA, w-wife to ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS, w-with WUCIANyA, hew *cuddles you* sistew + +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Nyeithew my husband *pokes you* nyow the swave wetuwn'd +That in *looks at you* such *pokes you* haste I sent to seek his mastew! +Suwe, W-Wucianya, i-it xDD is t-two o'cwock. +WUCIANyA. Pewhaps some mewchant hath ^w^ invited him, +:33 And f-fwom the mawt he's somewhewe gonye to dinnyew; +*pokes you* Good *leans over* sistew, w-wet us dinye, and nyevew fwet. +A man xDD is mastew of his wibewty; +Time xDD is theiw mastew, and when they see time, +They'ww go ow come. I-If s-so, be *pokes you* patient, sistew. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Why shouwd theiw *leans over* wibewty than ouws be mowe? +WUCIANyA. :33 Because theiw businyess ^-^ stiww wies out o' d-doow. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Wook when I sewve him s-so, he takes i-it iww. +WUCIANyA. O, knyow he xDD is the bwidwe of youw wiww. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. T-Thewe's nyonye b-but asses wiww be bwidwed so. +WUCIANyA. Why, :33 headstwong *leans over* wibewty xDD is wash'd w-with woe. +T-Thewe's nyothing situate undew heaven's ^-^ eye +But hath his >w< bound, in *shuffles closer* eawth, in sea, in s-sky. +The b-beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowws, +Awe theiw mawes' subjects, and *teleports behind you* at theiw contwows. +*leans over* Man, mowe ^w^ divinye, the mastew of aww these, +Wowd of the wide >_> wowwd and wiwd w-wat'wy seas, +Indu'd w-with intewwectuaw sense and souws, +Of mowe UwU pwe-eminyence than fish and fowws, +Awe m-mastews to theiw femawes, and theiw wowds; +Then w-wet youw wiww attend on theiw *hugs tightly* accowds. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. T-This s-sewvitude makes :33 you to keep *teleports behind you* unwed. +WUCIANyA. Nyot this, b-but twoubwes of the mawwiage-bed. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. But, wewe :33 you wedded, :33 you wouwd *hugs tightly* beaw some sway. +WUCIANyA. Ewe I w-weawn OwO wuv, I-I'ww pwactise to obey. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. How i-if youw husband stawt some othew whewe? +WUCIANyA. Tiww he come home again, I wouwd fowbeaw. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Patience unmov'd! nyo mawvew t-though she pause: +They can be m-meek that *looks away* have nyo othew cause. +A wwetched souw, bwuis'd w-with advewsity, +We *giggles shyly* bid be quiet when we heaw i-it cwy; +But wewe we buwd'nyed w-with wike weight of *screams* pain, +As much, ow m-mowe, we shouwd *leans over* ouwsewves compwain. +S-So >w< thou, that hast nyo unkind mate to gwieve thee, +With uwging hewpwess patience wouwd wewieve me; +But i-if thou wive to see wike wight beweft, +T-This foow-begg'd patience in thee wiww be *looks away* weft. +WUCIANyA. Weww, I wiww m-mawwy onye :3 day, b-but to twy. +Hewe comes youw man, *pokes you* nyow xDD is youw husband *screams* nyigh. + +Entew DWOMIO OF EPHESUS + +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Say, xDD is youw t-tawdy mastew *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at hand? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyay, he's *teleports behind you* at t-two hands w-with me, and that my t-two +eaws can >w< witnyess. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Say, didst thou speak w-with *notices bulge* him? Knyow'st thou his mind? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Ay, ^.^ ay, he towd his mind upon minye uWu eaw. +Beshwew his hand, I scawce couwd undewstand *hugs tightly* it. +WUCIANyA. S-Spake he so doubtfuwwy thou couwd'st nyot feew his meanying? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyay, he stwuck so pwainwy I couwd to +weww feew his b-bwows; and withaw so doubtfuwwy that I couwd +scawce undewstand them. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. But say, I pwithee, xDD is he coming home? +It seems he hath g-gweat cawe to p-pwease his w-wife. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Why, mistwess, suwe my mastew xDD is hown-mad. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Hown-mad, thou viwwain! +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I m-mean nyot cuckowd-mad; +But, suwe, he xDD is stawk mad. +When I desiw'd him to come home to dinnyew, +He ask'd me f-fow :3 a thousand mawks in gowd. +"Tis d-dinnyew time' quoth I; 'My gowd!' quoth he. +'Youw meat doth b-buwn' quoth I; 'My gowd!' quoth he. +*pokes you* 'Wiww :33 you come home?' quoth I; 'My gowd!' quoth he. +*shuffles closer* 'Whewe xDD is the thousand mawks I gave thee, viwwain?' +>w< 'The pig' quoth I '-'is buwn'd'; 'My gowd!' quoth he. +'My mistwess, siw,' quoth I; 'Hang up thy mistwess; +I knyow nyot thy mistwess; out on thy mistwess.' +WUCIANyA. Quoth who? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Quoth my m-mastew. +'I knyow' quoth he 'nyo house, nyo wife, nyo mistwess.' +S-So that my ewwand, due unto my t-tongue, +I *notices bulge* thank him, I bawe home upon my shouwdews; +Fow, in concwusion, he did beat me thewe. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. G-Go back again, thou swave, and fetch him home. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. G-Go back again, and be nyew uWu beaten home? +Fow God's sake, s-send some othew m-messengew. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Back, swave, ow I wiww bweak thy pate *leans over* acwoss. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. :33 And he wiww b-bwess that cwoss w-with othew beating; +Between :33 you I shaww *looks away* have :3 a howy head. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Hence, p-pwating peasant! F-Fetch thy mastew home. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. *screams* Am I so wound w-with you, as :33 you w-with me, +That wike :3 a footbaww :33 you do spuwn me thus? +You spuwn me hence, and he wiww spuwn me *leans over* hithew; +I-If I wast in this sewvice, :33 you must case me in weathew. +_< wuwe, siw? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mawwy, siw, by :3 a w-wuwe as pwain as the +pwain bawd pate of Fathew Time himsewf. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Wet's heaw *hugs tightly* it. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. T-Thewe's nyo ;;w;; time f-fow :3 a man to wecuvw +his x3 haiw that g-gwows bawd by nyatuwe. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. May he nyot do i-it by *screams* finye and wecuvwy? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Yes, to pay :3 a *screams* finye f-fow :3 a >_> pewiwig, and +wecuvw the wost x3 haiw of uWu anyothew man. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Why xDD is Time *looks at you* such :3 a nyiggawd of +*leans over* haiw, being, as i-it is, so pwentifuw an excwement? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. :33 Because i-it xDD is :3 a bwessing that he b-bestows +on b-beasts, and what he hath scanted men in x3 haiw he hath +xDD given them in wit. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Why, b-but thewe's many :3 a man +hath mowe x3 haiw than wit. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyot :3 a man of those b-but he hath the +wit to wose his ^-^ haiw. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Why, thou didst concwude haiwy +men pwain deawews without wit. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. The pwainyew deawew, the soonyew wost; +y-yet he woseth i-it in :3 a kind of jowwity. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Fow what weason? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Fow two; and sound *cuddles you* onyes too. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyay, nyot sound I pway you. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Suwe >_> onyes, then. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyay, nyot suwe, in :3 a thing fawsing. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Cewtain >_> onyes, then. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyame them. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. The onye, to save the monyey that he spends in +tiwing; the o-othew, that *teleports behind you* at d-dinnyew they shouwd nyot dwop in his +p-powwidge. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. You wouwd aww this ;;w;; time *looks away* have pwov'd thewe +xDD is nyo ;;w;; time f-fow aww things. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mawwy, and did, *teleports behind you* siw; nyamewy, nyo ;;w;; time to wecuvw +x3 haiw wost by nyatuwe. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. But youw weason w-was nyot ^.^ substantiaw, why +thewe xDD is nyo ;;w;; time to wecuvw. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Thus I mend *screams* it: Time himsewf xDD is bawd, +and thewefowe to the wowwd's e-end wiww *looks away* have bawd fowwowews. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I knyew 't'wouwd be :3 a bawd concwusion. But, +s-soft, who wafts us yondew? + +Entew *looks away* ADWIANyA and WUCIANyA + +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Ay, ^.^ ay, ÚwÚ Antiphowus, wook s-stwange and fwown. +Some othew mistwess hath thy sweet aspects; +I *giggles shyly* am nyot *hugs tightly* Adwianya, *pokes you* nyow thy w-wife. +The ;;w;; time w-was *screams* once when thou unyuwg'd w-wouwdst vow +That nyevew wowds wewe *pokes you* music to thinye eaw, +That nyevew object pweasing in thinye eye, +That nyevew touch weww wewcome to thy hand, +That nyevew meat s-sweet-savouw'd in thy taste, +Unwess I spake, ow *cuddles you* wook'd, ow touch'd, ow cawv'd to *cuddles you* thee. +How comes i-it nyow, my *twerks* husband, O, how comes uWu it, +That thou awt then estwanged f-fwom thysewf? +OwO Thysewf I caww uWu it, b-being s-stwange to me, +That, undividabwe, incowpowate, +*screams* Am bettew than thy deaw sewf's bettew pawt. +A-Ah, do nyot teaw away thysewf f-fwom me; +Fow knyow, my OwO wuv, as *sighs* easy mayst thou faww +A dwop of watew in the bweaking guwf, +:33 And take unmingwed uWu thence that dwop a-again +*notices bulge* Without addition ow diminyishing, +As take f-fwom me thysewf, and nyot me too. +How deawwy wouwd i-it touch thee to the quick, +Shouwd'st thou b-but heaw I wewe *looks at you* wicentious, +:33 And that this body, consecwate to thee, +By wuffian wust shouwd be contaminyate! +Wouwdst thou nyot s-spit *teleports behind you* at me and spuwn *teleports behind you* at me, +:33 And h-huww the *leans over* nyame of husband in my face, +:33 And teaw the stain'd skin off my hawwot-bwow, +:33 And f-fwom my fawse hand cut the *shuffles closer* wedding-wing, +:33 And bweak i-it w-with :3 a deep-divowcing vow? +I knyow thou canst, and thewefowe see thou do *hugs tightly* it. +I *giggles shyly* am possess'd w-with an *shuffles closer* aduwtewate bwot; +My bwood xDD is mingwed w-with the cwime of wust; +Fow i-if we t-two be onye, and thou pway fawse, +I do digest the poison of thy fwesh, +:3 Being stwumpeted by thy contagion. +Keep then f-faiw weague and twuce w-with thy twue bed; +I wive dis-stain'd, thou undishonyouwed. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Pwead :33 you to me, f-faiw :33 dame? I knyow :33 you nyot: +In E-Ephesus I *giggles shyly* am b-but t-two houws o-owd, +As s-stwange unto youw town as to youw tawk, +Who, evewy w-wowd by aww my wit b-being ÚwÚ scann'd, +Wants wit in aww onye w-wowd to u-undewstand. +WUCIANyA. ^-^ Fie, bwothew, how the >_> wowwd xDD is c-chang'd w-with you! +When wewe :33 you wont to use my *cuddles you* sistew thus? +^.^ She sent f-fow :33 you by Dwomio home to d-dinnyew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. By Dwomio? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. By m-me? +*leans over* ADWIANyA. By thee; and this thou didst wetuwn f-fwom him- +That he did buffet thee, and in his bwows +Denyied my h-house f-fow h-his, me f-fow his w-wife. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Did :33 you convewse, siw, w-with this g-gentwewoman? +What xDD is the couwse and dwift of youw compact? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I, OwO Siw? I nyevew saw hew tiww this time. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Viwwain, thou *notices bulge* wiest; f-fow even hew vewy wowds +Didst thou dewivew to me on the mawt. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I nyevew spake w-with hew in aww my w-wife. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. How can she thus, then, caww us by ouw nyames, +Unwess i-it be by inspiwation? +*leans over* ADWIANyA. How iww a-agwees i-it w-with youw gwavity +To c-countewfeit uWu thus gwosswy w-with youw swave, +Abetting him to thwawt me in my mood! +Be i-it my wwong :33 you awe f-fwom me e-exempt, +But wwong nyot that wwong w-with :3 a mowe c-contempt. +Come, I wiww fasten on this sweeve of t-thinye; +Thou awt an e-ewm, my *twerks* husband, I :3 a *sighs* vinye, +W-Whose w-weaknyess, *blushes* mawwied to thy stwongew state, +Makes me w-with thy stwength to *cuddles you* communyicate. +I-If a-aught possess thee f-fwom me, i-it xDD is d-dwoss, +Usuwping ivy, b-bwiew, ow idwe moss; +Who aww, f-fow want of *cries* pwunying, w-with i-intwusion +I-Infect thy sap, and wive on thy confusion. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. To me she speaks; she muvs me f-fow hew theme. +*looks away* What, w-was I *blushes* mawwied to hew in my dweam? +Ow sweep I nyow, and think I heaw aww *shuffles closer* this? +What ewwow dwives ouw eyes and eaws amiss? +Untiw I knyow this suwe uncewtainty, +I-I'ww entewtain the :3 offew'd fawwacy. +WUCIANyA. Dwomio, go *giggles shyly* bid the sewvants spwead f-fow d-dinnyew. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. O, f-fow my beads! I cwoss me f-fow sinnyew. +T-This xDD is the faiwy wand. uWu O spite of spites! +We t-tawk w-with gobwins, owws, and spwites. +I-If we >_> obey them nyot, this wiww ensue: +They'ww s-suck ouw bweath, ow p-pinch us bwack and bwue. +WUCIANyA. Why pwat'st thou to thysewf, and answew'st UwU nyot? +Dwomio, thou dwonye, thou snyaiw, thou swug, thou sot! +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I *giggles shyly* am twansfowmed, mastew, *giggles shyly* am nyot I-I? +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I think thou awt in mind, and so *giggles shyly* am I-I. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyay, mastew, both in mind and in my shape. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Thou hast thinye own UwU fowm. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyo, I *giggles shyly* am an ape. +WUCIANyA. I-If thou awt c-chang'd to aught, 'tis to an a-ass. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. 'Tis twue; she wides me, and I wong f-fow gwass. +'Tis s-so, I *giggles shyly* am an ass; ewse i-it couwd nyevew be +But I shouwd knyow hew as weww as she knyows me. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Come, *giggles shyly* come, nyo wongew wiww I be :3 a foow, +To put the fingew in the ^-^ eye and weep, +Whiwst man and mastew w-waughs my woes to scown. +Come, siw, to d-dinnyew. Dwomio, keep the gate. +Husband, I-I'ww dinye abuv w-with :33 you to-day, +:33 And shwive :33 you of :3 a thousand idwe pwanks. +Siwwah, i-if *sighs* any ask :33 you f-fow youw mastew, +ÚwÚ Say he dinyes fowth, and w-wet nyo *leans over* cweatuwe entew. +Come, sistew. Dwomio, pway the powtew weww. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. *screams* Am I in *shuffles closer* eawth, in heaven, ow in heww? +Sweeping ow *sweats* waking, mad ow weww-advis'd? +Knyown unto these, and to mysewf disguis'd! +I-I'ww say as they say, and pewsevew s-so, +:33 And in this mist *teleports behind you* at aww adventuwes go. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mastew, shaww I be powtew *teleports behind you* at the gate? +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Ay; and w-wet nyonye entew, west I bweak youw pate. +WUCIANyA. Come, *giggles shyly* come, ÚwÚ Antiphowus, we dinye too wate. +_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 1 + +Befowe the h-house of ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS + +Entew ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS, DWOMIO OF EPHESUS, ANGEWO, and BAWTHAZAW + +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *pokes you* Good Signyiow Angewo, :33 you must *hugs tightly* excuse us aww; +My w-wife xDD is x3 shwewish when I keep nyot houws. +ÚwÚ Say that I wingew'd w-with :33 you *teleports behind you* at youw s-shop +To see the x3 making of hew cawcanyet, +:33 And that to-mowwow :33 you wiww bwing i-it home. +But ^-^ hewe's :3 a *moans* viwwain that wouwd face me down +He met me on the mawt, and that I beat him, +:33 And c-chawg'd him w-with :3 a thousand mawks in gowd, +:33 And that I did deny my w-wife and house. +Thou dwunkawd, >w< thou, what didst thou m-mean by *shuffles closer* this? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. ÚwÚ Say what :33 you wiww, siw, b-but I knyow what I *looks away* knyow. +That :33 you beat me *teleports behind you* at the mawt I *looks away* have youw hand to show; +I-If the skin wewe pawchment, and the bwows :33 you gave wewe ink, +Youw own handwwiting wouwd t-teww :33 you what I *leans over* think. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I think thou awt an a-ass. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Mawwy, so i-it doth appeaw +By the UwU wwongs I suffew and the bwows I beaw. +I shouwd kick, b-being k-kick'd; and b-being *teleports behind you* at that :33 pass, +You wouwd keep f-fwom my h-heews, and bewawe of an a-ass. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Y'awe sad, Signyiow Bawthazaw; pway *teleports behind you* God ouw c-cheew +May a-answew my good wiww and youw good wewcome hewe. +^w^ BAWTHAZAW. I howd youw dainties cheap, siw, and youw wewcome deaw. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. O, Signyiow Bawthazaw, eithew *teleports behind you* at fwesh ow fish, +A tabwe fuww of wewcome makes scawce onye dainty dish. +^w^ BAWTHAZAW. *pokes you* Good meat, siw, xDD is *giggles shyly* common; that evewy *sighs* chuww affowds. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. :33 And wewcome mowe *giggles shyly* common; f-fow that's nyothing +b-but wowds. +^w^ BAWTHAZAW. :3 Smaww c-cheew and g-gweat wewcome makes :3 a mewwy ÚwÚ feast. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Ay, to :3 a *sighs* nyiggawdwy host and mowe spawing guest. +But t-though my cates be mean, take them in good pawt; +UwU Bettew c-cheew may :33 you have, b-but nyot w-with bettew heawt. +But, s-soft, my *hugs tightly* doow xDD is wock'd; go *giggles shyly* bid them w-wet us i-in. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Maud, Bwidget, Mawian, Cicewy, Giwwian, Ginn! +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] Mome, mawt-howse, capon, c-coxcomb, i-idiot, patch! +E-Eithew get thee f-fwom the doow, ow sit down *teleports behind you* at the hatch. +D-Dost thou *giggles shyly* conjuwe f-fow wenches, that thou caww'st f-fow *looks at you* such stowe, +When onye xDD is onye too many? G-Go get thee f-fwom the d-doow. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. What patch xDD is xDD made ouw powtew? +My mastew stays in the stweet. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] Wet him wawk f-fwom whence he came, +west he catch cowd on's feet. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Who t-tawks *teleports behind you* within thewe? Ho, open the doow! +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] Wight, *teleports behind you* siw; I-I'ww t-teww :33 you when, +an ^-^ you'ww t-teww me *looks away* whewefowe. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Whewefowe? Fow my dinnyew; +I *looks away* have nyot din'd to-day. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] Nyow to-day hewe :33 you must nyot; +come a-again when :33 you may. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. What awt thou that keep'st me out +f-fwom the h-house I owe? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] The powtew f-fow this time, +siw, and my *leans over* nyame xDD is Dwomio. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. uWu O Viwwain, thou hast stow'n both minye +office and my nyame! +The onye nye'ew *giggles shyly* got me cwedit, the othew mickwe bwame. +I-If thou h-hadst been Dwomio to-day in my pwace, +Thou w-wouwdst *looks away* have c-chang'd thy face f-fow :3 a nyame, ow thy *leans over* nyame f-fow an a-ass. + +Entew WUCE, *teleports behind you* within + +W-WUCE. [Within] What :3 a coiw xDD is thewe, Dwomio? Who awe those *teleports behind you* at the gate? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Wet my mastew in, Wuce. +W-WUCE. [Within] *moans* Faith, nyo, he comes too w-wate; +:33 And so t-teww youw m-mastew. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. uWu O Wowd, I must waugh! +Have *teleports behind you* at :33 you w-with :3 a pwuvwb: Shaww I set in my uWu staff? +W-WUCE. [Within] Have *teleports behind you* at :33 you w-with anyothew: x3 that's-when? can :33 you teww? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] I-If thy *leans over* nyame be cawwed Wuce +-Wuce, thou hast answew'd him weww. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Do :33 you h-heaw, :33 you minyion? You'ww w-wet us in, I hope? +W-WUCE. [Within] I thought to *looks away* have ask'd you. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] :33 And :33 you said nyo. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. SO, Come, hewp: weww :3 stwuck! thewe w-was bwow f-fow bwow. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Thou baggage, w-wet me i-in. +W-WUCE. [Within] *sweats* Can :33 you t-teww f-fow *screams* whose sake? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Mastew, knyock the *hugs tightly* doow hawd. +W-WUCE. [Within] Wet him knyock tiww i-it *hugs tightly* ache. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. You'ww cwy f-fow this, minyion, i-if beat the *hugs tightly* doow down. +W-WUCE. [Within] What nyeeds aww t-that, and :3 a paiw of stocks in the town? + +Entew ADWIANyA, *teleports behind you* within + +*leans over* ADWIANyA. [Within] Who xDD is that *teleports behind you* at the doow, that keeps aww this nyoise? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] By my twoth, youw town xDD is +twoubwed w-with unwuwy boys. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Awe :33 you thewe, w-wife? You might +*looks away* have come befowe. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. [Within] Youw wife, UwU siw knyave! G-Go get :33 you f-fwom the d-doow. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I-If YOU went in *screams* pain, mastew, this 'knyave' wouwd go sowe. +ANGEWO. Hewe xDD is nyeithew cheew, siw, *pokes you* nyow wewcome; we wouwd f-fain *looks away* have eithew. +^w^ BAWTHAZAW. In d-debating which w-was *teleports behind you* best, we shaww pawt w-with nyeithew. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. They s-stand *teleports behind you* at the doow, mastew; *giggles shyly* bid them wewcome hithew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Thewe xDD is something in the wind, that we cannyot get i-in. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. You wouwd say s-so, mastew, i-if youw gawments wewe thin. +Youw cake hewe xDD is wawm within; :33 you s-stand hewe in the cowd; +It wouwd m-make :3 a man mad as :3 a buck to be so bought and sowd. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. G-Go fetch me UwU something; I-I'ww bweak ope the gate. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] Bweak *sighs* any bweaking hewe, +and I-I'ww bweak youw knyave's pate. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. A man may bweak :3 a w-wowd w-with you, +*teleports behind you* siw; and wowds awe b-but wind; +Ay, and bweak i-it in youw face, so he bweak i-it nyot behind. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] It seems thou want'st bweaking; +out upon thee, *cries* hind! +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Hewe's too x3 much 'out upon thee!' pway thee w-wet me i-in. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. [Within] Ay, when fowws *looks away* have nyo +feathews and fish *looks away* have nyo *notices bulge* fin. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Weww, I-I'ww bweak i-in; go bowwow me :3 a cwow. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. A cwow without feathew? Mastew, m-mean :33 you so? +Fow :3 a fish without :3 a fin, thewe's :3 a foww without :3 a feathew; +I-If :3 a cwow h-hewp us in, siwwah, we'ww pwuck :3 a cwow togethew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. G-Go get thee gonye; fetch me an iwon cwow. +^w^ BAWTHAZAW. Have patience, *teleports behind you* siw; O, w-wet i-it nyot be so! +H-Hewein :33 you waw against youw weputation, +:33 And dwaw *teleports behind you* within the compass of suspect +T-Th' unviowated honyouw of youw w-wife. +Once this-youw wong expewience of hew wisdom, +Hew sobew v-viwtue, yeaws, and m-modesty, +Pwead on hew pawt some cause to :33 you u-unknyown; +:33 And d-doubt nyot, siw, b-but she wiww weww *hugs tightly* excuse +Why *teleports behind you* at this ;;w;; time the doows awe xDD made against you. +Be ;;w;; wuw'd by me: depawt in patience, +:33 And w-wet us to the >w< Tigew aww to dinnyew; +And, ^w^ about evenying, come *teleports behind you* youwsewf uWu awonye +To knyow the weason of this s-stwange westwaint. +I-If by stwong hand :33 you offew to bweak in +Nyow in the stiwwing passage of the :3 day, +A *hugs tightly* vuwgaw comment wiww be xDD made of uWu it, +:33 And that supposed by the common wout +Against youw y-yet ungawwed estimation +That may w-with fouw i-intwusion entew in +:33 And *giggles shyly* dweww upon youw gwave when :33 you awe dead; +Fow swandew xDD wives upon *moans* succession, +Fow evew hous'd whewe i-it gets possession. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. You *looks away* have pwevaiw'd. I wiww depawt in OwO quiet, +:33 And in despite of miwth m-mean to be mewwy. +I knyow :3 a *moans* wench of excewwent discouwse, +Pwetty and witty; wiwd, and yet, too, gentwe; +Thewe wiww we dinye. T-This woman that I mean, +My w-wife-but, I pwotest, without desewt- +Hath *blushes* oftentimes u-upbwaided me ^-^ withaw; +To hew wiww we to d-dinnyew. [To ANGEWO] Get :33 you home +:33 And fetch the chain; by this I knyow 'tis made. +Bwing uWu it, I pway you, to the *teleports behind you* Powpentinye; +Fow thewe's the house. That chain wiww I bestow- +Be i-it f-fow nyothing b-but to spite my wife- +*cries* Upon minye hostess thewe; good siw, m-make haste. +Since minye own doows wefuse to entewtain me, +I-I'ww knyock ewsewhewe, to see i-if they'ww d-disdain me. +ANGEWO. I-I'ww meet :33 you *teleports behind you* at that pwace some houw hence. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Do so; this j-jest shaww cost me some expense. +w< tainted; +*screams* Teach sin the cawwiage of :3 a howy saint; +Be s-secwet-fawse. What nyeed she be acquainted? +What simpwe thief bwags of his own a-attaint? +'Tis *looks away* doubwe wwong to twuant w-with youw *looks away* bed +:33 And w-wet hew wead i-it in thy wooks *teleports behind you* at boawd; +S-Shame hath :3 a bastawd fame, weww m-manyaged; +Iww d-deeds xDD is :33 doubwed w-with an eviw wowd. +A-Awas, poow women! m-make us b-but bewieve, +:3 Being compact of cwedit, that :33 you wuv us; +*shuffles closer* Though othews *looks away* have the awm, show us the sweeve; +We in youw motion tuwn, and :33 you may muv us. +Then, gentwe bwothew, get :33 you in again; +Comfowt my *leans over* sistew, c-cheew hew, caww hew w-wife. +'Tis howy OwO spowt to be :3 a wittwe vain +When the sweet bweath of fwattewy conquews stwife. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Sweet mistwess-what youw *leans over* nyame xDD is ewse, I knyow nyot, +Nyow by what w-wondew :33 you do hit of minye- +W-Wess in youw knyowwedge and youw gwace :33 you show nyot +Than ouw *notices bulge* eawth's wondew-mowe than *shuffles closer* eawth, divinye. +*screams* Teach me, deaw cweatuwe, how to think and speak; +*giggles shyly* Way open to my eawthy-gwoss conceit, +Smoth'wed in ewwows, feebwe, shawwow, weak, +The fowded meanying of youw *notices bulge* wowds' deceit. +Against my souw's puwe *looks away* twuth why wabouw :33 you +To m-make i-it wandew in an >_> unknyown fiewd? +Awe :33 you :3 a god? Wouwd :33 you cweate me nyew? +Twansfowm me, then, and to youw pow'w I-I'ww ÚwÚ yiewd. +But i-if that I *giggles shyly* am I, then weww I knyow +Youw weeping *cuddles you* sistew xDD is nyo w-wife of minye, +Nyow to hew *looks away* bed nyo homage do I owe; +F-Faw m-mowe, faw m-mowe, to :33 you do I *leans over* decwinye. +O, twain me nyot, sweet mewmaid, w-with thy nyote, +To dwown me in thy sistew's fwood of teaws. +Sing, s-siwen, f-fow thysewf, and I wiww *shuffles closer* dote; +Spwead o'ew the siwvew w-waves thy xDD gowden haiws, +:33 And as :3 a *looks away* bed I-I'ww take them, and thewe he; +:33 And in that gwowious supposition think +He g-gains by death that hath *looks at you* such means to d-die. +Wet Wuv, b-being wight, be d-dwownyed i-if she sink. +WUCIANyA. *looks away* What, awe :33 you m-mad, that :33 you do weason so? +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyot m-mad, b-but mated; how, I do nyot *looks away* knyow. +WUCIANyA. It xDD is :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt that *sweats* spwingeth f-fwom youw eye. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Fow g-gazing on youw beams, f-faiw *looks at you* sun, b-being by. +WUCIANyA. ^-^ Gaze whewe :33 you xDD shouwd, and that wiww cweaw youw sight. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. As good to wink, sweet OwO wuv, as wook on nyight. +WUCIANyA. Why caww :33 you me w-wuv? Caww my *cuddles you* sistew so. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Thy sistew's sistew. +WUCIANyA. That's my sistew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyo; +It xDD is thysewf, minye own sewf's bettew pawt; +Minye eye's cweaw eye, my deaw heawt's deawew h-heawt, +My food, my *pokes you* fowtunye, and my sweet hope's aim, +My ^-^ sowe *notices bulge* eawth's heaven, and my heaven's cwaim. +WUCIANyA. A-Aww this my *cuddles you* sistew is, ow ewse shouwd b-be. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Caww thysewf *leans over* sistew, sweet, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am thee; +Thee wiww I OwO wuv, and w-with thee wead my wife; +Thou hast nyo husband yet, *pokes you* nyow I nyo w-wife. +Give me thy hand. +WUCIANyA. O, s-soft, siw, howd :33 you stiww; +I-I'ww fetch my *cuddles you* sistew to get hew good wiww. +_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 1 + +A *blushes* pubwic pwace + +Entew SECOND MEWCHANT, ANGEWO, and an OFFICEW + +SECOND MEWCHANT. You knyow since Pentecost the sum xDD is due, +:33 And since I *looks away* have nyot x3 much *hugs tightly* impowtun'd y-you; +Nyow *pokes you* nyow I had nyot, b-but that I *giggles shyly* am bound +To *notices bulge* Pewsia, and want guiwdews f-fow my voyage. +Thewefowe m-make pwesent satisfaction, +Ow I-I'ww attach :33 you by this *leans over* officew. +ANGEWO. Even just the sum that I do owe to :33 you +Is gwowing to me by Antiphowus; +:33 And in the *sweats* instant that I met w-with :33 you +He had of me :3 a chain; *teleports behind you* at f-five o-o'cwock +I shaww weceive the monyey f-fow the same. +Pweaseth :33 you wawk w-with me down to his house, +I wiww dischawge my bond, and *notices bulge* thank :33 you too. + +Entew ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS, and DWOMIO OF EPHESUS, f-fwom the COUWTEZAN'S + +O-OFFICEW. That wabouw may :33 you save; see whewe he comes. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Whiwe I go to the gowdsmith's house, go thou +:33 And buy :3 a wope's e-end; that wiww I bestow +A-Among my w-wife and hew *moans* confedewates, +Fow wocking me out of my doows by *sweats* day. +But, s-soft, I see the g-gowdsmith. Get thee gonye; +Buy thou :3 a wope, and bwing i-it home to me. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I buy :3 a thousand pound :3 a yeaw; I buy :3 a wope. +_> obey me. +ANGEWO. T-This touches me in weputation. +E-Eithew consent to pay this sum f-fow me, +Ow I attach :33 you by this *leans over* officew. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Consent to pay thee that I nyevew *looks at you* had! +Awwest me, f-foowish fewwow, i-if thou d-daw'st. +ANGEWO. Hewe xDD is thy fee; awwest him, *leans over* officew. +I wouwd nyot spawe my bwothew in this case, +I-If he shouwd scown me so appawentwy. +O-OFFICEW. I do awwest you, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you heaw the suit. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I do >_> obey thee tiww I give thee baiw. +But, siwwah, :33 you shaww buy this OwO spowt as deaw +As aww the metaw in youw s-shop wiww a-answew. +ANGEWO. Siw, siw, I shaww *looks away* have waw in E-Ephesus, +To youw nyotowious shame, I d-doubt i-it nyot. + +Entew DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE, f-fwom the bay + +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mastew, thewe's :3 a *blushes* bawk of Epidamnyum +That stays b-but tiww hew *pokes you* ownyew comes aboawd, +:33 And then, siw, she *twerks* beaws a-away. Ouw fwaughtage, siw, +I *looks away* have convey'd aboawd; and I *looks away* have bought +The oiw, the bawsamum, and aqua-vitx. +The *hugs tightly* ship xDD is in hew twim; the mewwy *cuddles you* wind +B-Bwows f-faiw f-fwom w-wand; they stay f-fow nyought *teleports behind you* at an +But f-fow theiw ownyew, mastew, and *sweats* youwsewf. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. How *giggles shyly* nyow! :3 a madman? Why, thou peevish sheep, +What *hugs tightly* ship of Epidamnyum stays f-fow m-me? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. A *hugs tightly* ship :33 you sent me to, to hiwe waftage. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. THOU dwunken swave! I sent the f-fow :3 a wope; +:33 And towd thee to what puwpose and what end. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. YOU sent me f-fow :3 a wope's e-end as s-soon- +You sent me to the *moans* bay, siw, f-fow :3 a bawk. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I Wiww debate this m-mattew *teleports behind you* at mowe weisuwe, +:33 And teach youw eaws to wist me w-with mowe heed. +To *hugs tightly* Adwianya, v-viwwain, hie thee stwaight; +Give hew this ^w^ key, and t-teww hew in the desk +That's cuvw'd o'ew w-with T-Tuwkish t-tapestwy +Thewe xDD is :3 a *cries* puwse of ducats; w-wet hew s-send *hugs tightly* it. +Teww hew I *giggles shyly* am awwested in the stweet, +:33 And that shaww baiw me; hie thee, swave, be gonye. +O-On, officew, to pwison tiww i-it come. +_< sewe, +Iww-fac'd, wowse bodied, shapewess e-evewywhewe; +*teleports behind you* Vicious, *blushes* ungentwe, foowish, b-bwunt, unkind; +S-Stigmaticaw in making, wowse in *blushes* mind. +WUCIANyA. Who wouwd be jeawous then of *looks at you* such :3 a onye? +*cuddles you* Nyo eviw wost xDD is waiw'd when i-it xDD is gonye. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. A-Ah, b-but I think him bettew than I say, +:33 And y-yet wouwd hewein o-othews' eyes wewe w-wowse. +F-Faw f-fwom hew nyest the *leans over* wapwing cwies away; +My h-heawt pways f-fow him, t-though my *notices bulge* tongue do *hugs tightly* cuwse. + +Entew DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. + +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Hewe go-the desk, the puwse. Sweet +nyow, m-make haste. +WUCIANyA. How hast thou wost thy bweath? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. By wunnying fast. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Whewe xDD is thy mastew, Dwomio? Is he weww? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyo, he's in *leans over* Tawtaw wimbo, wowse than heww. +A d-deviw in an evewwasting gawment hath him; +Onye *screams* whose hawd h-heawt xDD is button'd up w-with s-steew; +A fiend, :3 a faiwy, pitiwess and wough; +A wowf, nyay wowse, :3 a fewwow aww in buff; +A back-fwiend, :3 a *notices bulge* shouwdew-cwappew, onye that countewmands +The passages of awweys, cweeks, and nyawwow wands; +A hound that wuns countew, and y-yet dwaws dwy-foot weww; +Onye t-that, befowe the J-Judgment, cawwies poow souws to heww. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Why, man, what xDD is the mattew? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I do nyot knyow the *teleports behind you* mattew; he xDD is wested on the case. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. *looks away* What, xDD is he a-awwested? Teww me, *teleports behind you* at *screams* whose suit? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I knyow nyot *teleports behind you* at *screams* whose suit he xDD is awwested weww; +But he's in :3 a suit of b-buff which 'wested him, that can I teww. +Wiww :33 you s-send him, mistwess, w-wedemption, the monyey in his desk? +*leans over* ADWIANyA. G-Go fetch uWu it, sistew. [Exit WUCIANyA] T-This I w-wondew at: +Thus he >_> unknyown to me shouwd be in d-debt. +Teww me, w-was he awwested on :3 a band? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. on :3 a band, b-but on :3 a stwongew thing, +A c-chain, :3 a chain. Do :33 you nyot heaw i-it wing? +*leans over* ADWIANyA. *looks away* What, the chain? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyo, nyo, the beww; 'tis ;;w;; time that I wewe gonye. +It w-was t-two ewe I weft him, and *pokes you* nyow the cwock :3 stwikes onye. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. The houws come back! That did I nyevew heaw. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. uWu O yes. I-If *sighs* any houw meet :3 a sewgeant, +'a t-tuwns back f-fow vewy feaw. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. As i-if Time wewe in debt! How fondwy dost thou weason! +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Time xDD is :3 a vewy bankwupt, and o-owes +mowe than he's wowth to season. +Nyay, he's :3 a thief t-too: *looks away* have :33 you nyot heawd men say +That Time comes steawing on by nyight and day? +I-If 'a be in debt and theft, and :3 a sewgeant in the w-way, +Hath he nyot weason to t-tuwn back an houw in :3 a day? + +We-entew WUCIANyA w-with :3 a *cries* puwse + +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Go, Dwomio, thewe's the monyey; *hugs tightly* beaw i-it stwaight, +:33 And bwing thy mastew home *teleports behind you* immediatewy. +Come, sistew; I *giggles shyly* am pwess'd down w-with conceit- +Conceit, my comfowt and my injuwy. +w< bwought :33 you w-wowd an +houw since that the *blushes* bawk Expedition put fowth to-nyight; and +then wewe :33 you hind'wed by the sewgeant, to *looks away* tawwy f-fow the +boy Deway. Hewe awe the angews that :33 you sent f-fow to dewivew you. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. The fewwow xDD is distwact, and so *giggles shyly* am I; +:33 And hewe we wandew in *screams* iwwusions. +Some bwessed p-powew dewivew us f-fwom hence! + +Entew :3 a *blushes* COUWTEZAN + +COUWTEZAN. Weww :33 met, weww :33 met, M-Mastew Antiphowus. +I s-see, siw, :33 you *looks away* have found the *sighs* gowdsmith nyow. +Is that the chain :33 you p-pwomis'd me to-day? +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Satan, avoid! I c-chawge thee, tempt me nyot. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mastew, xDD is this Mistwess Satan? +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. It xDD is the deviw. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Nyay, she xDD is wowse, she xDD is the deviw's +d-dam, and hewe she comes in the *moans* habit of :3 a wight wench; and +theweof comes that the wenches say 'God damn me!' That's +as x3 much to say 'God m-make me :3 a wight wench!' It xDD is wwitten +they appeaw to men wike angews of wight; wight xDD is an effect +of f-fiwe, and fiwe wiww buwn; ewgo, wight wenches wiww buwn. +Come nyot nyeaw hew. +COUWTEZAN. Youw man and :33 you awe mawvewwous mewwy, siw. +Wiww :33 you go w-with m-me? We'ww mend ouw d-dinnyew hewe. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mastew, i-if :33 you do, expect spoon-meat, +ow bespeak :3 a wong spoon. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Why, Dwomio? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Mawwy, he must *looks away* have :3 a wong OwO spoon +that must eat w-with the deviw. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Avoid then, fiend! What teww'st thou me of >_< supping? +Thou *blushes* awt, as :33 you awe aww, :3 a sowcewess; +I *giggles shyly* conjuwe thee to weave me and be gonye. +COUWTEZAN. Give me the wing of minye :33 you had *teleports behind you* at dinnyew, +Ow, f-fow my diamond, the chain :33 you pwomis'd, +:33 And I-I'ww be gonye, siw, and nyot twoubwe you. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Some deviws ask b-but the pawings of o-onye's nyaiw, +A *cries* wush, :3 a *leans over* haiw, :3 a dwop of bwood, :3 a pin, +A nyut, :3 a chewwy-stonye; +But she, mowe cuvtous, wouwd *looks away* have :3 a chain. +Mastew, be wise; an i-if :33 you give i-it hew, +The d-deviw wiww shake hew c-chain, and ^.^ fwight us w-with *hugs tightly* it. +COUWTEZAN. I pway you, siw, my w-wing, ow ewse the chain; +I hope :33 you do nyot m-mean to cheat me so. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dwomio, w-wet us go. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. 'Fwy *notices bulge* pwide' says the peacock. Mistwess, that :33 you *looks away* knyow. +_> same he p-pwomis'd me :3 a chain; +B-Both onye and othew he denyies me nyow. +The weason that I *twerks* gathew he xDD is m-mad, +Besides this pwesent ÚwÚ instance of his wage, +Is :3 a mad :33 tawe he towd to-day *teleports behind you* at d-dinnyew +Of his own doows b-being shut against his entwance. +B-Bewike his wife, acquainted w-with his fits, +On puwpose shut the doows against his w-way. +My way xDD is *pokes you* nyow to hie home to his house, +:33 And t-teww his w-wife t-that, b-being wunyatic, +He wush'd into my h-house and t-took pewfowce +My wing a-away. T-This couwse I fittest choose, +Fow fowty ducats xDD is too x3 much to wose. +_< caws. + +Entew DWOMIO OF EPHESUS, w-with :3 a wope's-end + +Hewe comes my man; I think he bwings the monyey. +How nyow, siw! Have :33 you that I sent :33 you fow? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Hewe's t-that, I wawwant you, wiww pay them aww. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. But *sweats* whewe's the monyey? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Why, siw, I gave the monyey f-fow the wope. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Five hundwed ducats, v-viwwain, f-fow wope? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I-I'ww sewve you, siw, f-five hundwed *teleports behind you* at the wate. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. To what e-end did I *giggles shyly* bid thee hie thee home? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. To :3 a *twerks* wope's-end, *teleports behind you* siw; and to that e-end *giggles shyly* am I +wetuwn'd. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. :33 And to that end, siw, I wiww wewcome you. +[Beating him] +O-OFFICEW. *pokes you* Good siw, be patient. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyay, 'tis f-fow me to be patient; I *giggles shyly* am in +advewsity. +O-OFFICEW. *pokes you* Good nyow, howd thy t-tongue. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyay, wathew pewsuade him to howd his hands. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Thou whoweson, s-sensewess viwwain! +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I wouwd I wewe sensewess, siw, that I +might nyot feew youw bwows. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Thou awt s-sensibwe in nyothing b-but +bwows, and so xDD is an a-ass. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I *giggles shyly* am an ass indeed; :33 you may pwuv i-it +by my wong 'eaws. I *looks away* have sewved him f-fwom the houw of my +nyativity to this instant, and *looks away* have nyothing *teleports behind you* at his hands f-fow +my >_> sewvice b-but bwows. When I *giggles shyly* am cowd he heats me w-with +beating; when I *giggles shyly* am wawm he coows me w-with beating. I *giggles shyly* am +wak'd w-with i-it when I sweep; wais'd w-with i-it when I >w< sit; d-dwiven +out of doows w-with i-it when I go f-fwom home; xDD wewcom'd home +w-with i-it when I wetuwn; nyay, I *hugs tightly* beaw i-it on my *giggles shyly* shouwdews as +beggaw wont hew bwat; and I think, when he hath wam'd me, +I shaww beg w-with i-it f-fwom *hugs tightly* doow to d-doow. + +Entew ADWIANyA, WUCIANyA, the COUWTEZAN, and :3 a SCHOOWMASTEW +caww'd PINCH + +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Come, go a-awong; my w-wife xDD is coming yondew. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Mistwess, '-'wespice finyem,' OwO wespect youw e-end; ow +wathew, to pwophesy wike the pawwot, 'Bewawe the w-wope's-end.' +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Wiwt thou ^-^ stiww t-tawk? +[Beating him] +COUWTEZAN. How say :33 you nyow? Is nyot youw husband mad? +*leans over* ADWIANyA. His inciviwity confiwms nyo wess. +*pokes you* Good Doctow Pinch, :33 you awe :3 a c-conjuwew: +Estabwish him in his twue sense again, +:33 And I wiww p-pwease :33 you what :33 you wiww *looks away* demand. +WUCIANyA. A-Awas, how fiewy and how shawp he wooks! +COUWTEZAN. M-Mawk how he twembwes in his ecstasy. +PINCH. Give me youw hand, and w-wet me feew youw puwse. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Thewe xDD is my hand, and w-wet i-it feew youw uWu eaw. +[Stwiking him] +PINCH. I c-chawge thee, Satan, hous'd *teleports behind you* within this man, +To y-yiewd possession to my howy p-pwayews, +:33 And to thy state of d-dawknyess hie thee stwaight. +I *giggles shyly* conjuwe thee by aww the saints in h-heaven. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Peace, d-doting wizawd, p-peace! I *giggles shyly* am nyot mad. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. O, that thou wewt nyot, poow *looks away* distwessed souw! +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. You minyion, you, awe these youw customews? +Did this *looks at you* companyion w-with the saffwon face +Wevew and feast i-it *teleports behind you* at my h-house to-day, +Whiwst upon me the ^-^ guiwty doows wewe shut, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* denyied to entew in my house? +*leans over* ADWIANyA. uWu O *twerks* husband, *teleports behind you* God doth knyow :33 you din'd *teleports behind you* at home, +Whewe wouwd :33 you had wemain'd untiw this time, +Fwee f-fwom these swandews and this open shame! +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Din'd *teleports behind you* at ^-^ home! Thou v-viwwain, what sayest thou? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Siw, Sooth to say, :33 you did nyot dinye *teleports behind you* at home. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. W-Wewe nyot my doows wock'd up and I shut out? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. P-Pewdie, youw doows wewe wock'd and :33 you shut out. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. :33 And did nyot she hewsewf weviwe me thewe? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Sans fabwe, she hewsewf weviw'd :33 you thewe. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Did nyot hew kitchen-maid >_< waiw, taunt, and scown m-me? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. *twerks* Cewtes, she did; the kitchen-vestaw scown'd you. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. :33 And did nyot I in wage depawt f-fwom thence? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. In vewity, :33 you did. My b-bonyes *hugs tightly* beaw witnyess, +That since *looks away* have fewt the vigouw of his wage. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. *shuffles closer* Is't good to soothe him in these contwawies? +PINCH. It xDD is nyo s-shame; the fewwow finds his vein, +And, y-yiewding to him, *sweats* humouws weww his f-fwenzy. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Thou hast s-subown'd the *sighs* gowdsmith to awwest me. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. A-Awas, I sent :33 you monyey to wedeem you, +By Dwomio hewe, who came in *pokes you* haste f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Monyey by :33 me! Heawt and *sighs* goodwiww :33 you might, +But *sighs* suwewy, mastew, nyot :3 a wag of monyey. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Went'st nyot thou to hew f-fow *cries* puwse of >w< ducats? +*leans over* ADWIANyA. He came to me, and I dewivew'd *hugs tightly* it. +WUCIANyA. :33 And I *giggles shyly* am witnyess w-with hew that she did. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. *teleports behind you* God and the wope-makew *hugs tightly* beaw me witnyess +That I w-was sent f-fow nyothing b-but :3 a wope! +PINCH. Mistwess, both man and mastew xDD is possess'd; +I knyow i-it by theiw pawe and d-deadwy wooks. +They must be >w< bound, and *hugs tightly* waid in some dawk woom. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Say, whewefowe didst thou wock me fowth to-day? +:33 And why dost thou deny the bag of gowd? +*leans over* ADWIANyA. I did nyot, gentwe *twerks* husband, wock thee fowth. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. And, gentwe mastew, I w-weceiv'd nyo gowd; +But I confess, siw, that we wewe wock'd out. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Dissembwing v-viwwain, thou ;;w;; speak'st fawse in both. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Dissembwing h-hawwot, thou awt fawse in aww, +:33 And awt confedewate w-with :3 a damnyed pack +To m-make :3 a woathsome uWu abject scown of me; +But w-with these nyaiws I-I'ww pwuck out these fawse eyes +That wouwd behowd in me this shamefuw spowt. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. O, bind him, bind him; w-wet him nyot come nyeaw me. +PINCH. Mowe company! The fiend xDD is stwong *teleports behind you* within :33 him. + +Entew thwee ow fouw, and offew to bind :33 him. He stwives + +WUCIANyA. Ay me, poow man, how pawe and wan he wooks! +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *looks away* What, wiww :33 you muwdew m-me? Thou gaowew, >w< thou, +I *giggles shyly* am thy pwisonyew. Wiwt thou suffew them +To m-make :3 a wescue? +O-OFFICEW. Mastews, w-wet him go; +He xDD is my pwisonyew, and :33 you shaww nyot *looks away* have :33 him. +PINCH. G-Go bind this man, f-fow he xDD is fwantic too. +[-[They bind DWOMIO] +*leans over* ADWIANyA. What wiwt thou do, thou peevish officew? +*hugs tightly* Hast thou dewight to see :3 a wwetched man +Do o-outwage and dispweasuwe to himsewf? +O-OFFICEW. He xDD is my pwisonyew; i-if I w-wet him go, +The debt he o-owes wiww be wequiw'd of me. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. I wiww dischawge thee ewe I go f-fwom thee; +Beaw me f-fowthwith unto his cweditow, +And, ^.^ knyowing how the debt gwows, I wiww pay *hugs tightly* it. +*pokes you* Good M-Mastew Doctow, see him ;;w;; safe convey'd +Home to my house. uWu O m-most u-unhappy day! +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. uWu O m-most u-unhappy s-stwumpet! +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Mastew, I *giggles shyly* am hewe ent'wed in *moans* bond f-fow you. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Out on thee, viwwian! Whewefowe +dost thou mad m-me? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Wiww :33 you be bound f-fow n-nyothing? +Be m-mad, good mastew; cwy >w< 'The deviw!' +WUCIANyA. *teleports behind you* God h-hewp, poow souws, how i-idwy do they tawk! +*leans over* ADWIANyA. G-Go *hugs tightly* beaw him hence. xDD Sistew, go :33 you w-with me. +_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1 + +A stweet befowe :3 a pwiowy + +Entew SECOND MEWCHANT and A-ANGEWO + +ANGEWO. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy, siw, that I *looks away* have hind'wed y-you; +But I pwotest he had the chain of me, +*shuffles closer* Though m-most d-dishonyestwy he doth deny *hugs tightly* it. +SECOND MEWCHANT. How xDD is the man esteem'd hewe in the city? +ANGEWO. Of vewy wevewend weputation, siw, +Of cwedit infinyite, highwy bewov'd, +Second to nyonye that xDD wives hewe in the city; +His w-wowd might *hugs tightly* beaw my weawth *teleports behind you* at *sighs* any time. +SECOND MEWCHANT. Speak softwy; yondew, as I think, he wawks. + +Entew ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE and DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE + +ANGEWO. 'Tis so; and that sewf chain ^w^ about his *teleports behind you* nyeck +Which he fowswowe m-most m-monstwouswy to have. +*pokes you* Good siw, dwaw nyeaw to me, I-I'ww speak to :33 him. +Signyiow A-Andphowus, I w-wondew x3 much +That :33 you wouwd put me to this :33 shame and twoubwe; +And, nyot without some scandaw to youwsewf, +With ciwcumstance and oaths so to deny +T-This c-chain, which *pokes you* nyow :33 you weaw so openwy. +Beside the chawge, the shame, *sweats* impwisonment, +You *looks away* have d-donye wwong to this my honyest fwiend; +Who, b-but f-fow staying on ouw contwuvwsy, +Had hoisted s-saiw and put to sea to-day. +T-This chain :33 you had of me; can :33 you deny it? +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I think I h-had; I nyevew did deny *hugs tightly* it. +SECOND MEWCHANT. Yes, that :33 you did, siw, and fowswowe i-it too. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Who heawd me to deny i-it ow fowsweaw it? +SECOND MEWCHANT. These eaws of minye, thou knyow'st, did heaw *cuddles you* thee. +Fie on thee, wwetch! 'tis pity that thou wiv'st +To wawk whewe *sighs* any honyest men wesowt. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Thou awt :3 a *moans* viwwain to impeach me thus; +I-I'ww pwuv minye honyouw and minye honyesty +Against thee pwesentwy, i-if thou daw'st stand. +SECOND MEWCHANT. I *sighs* dawe, and do *screams* defy thee f-fow :3 a viwwain. +[-[They dwaw] + +Entew ADWIANyA, WUCIANyA, the COUWTEZAN, and OTHEWS + +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Howd, *cries* huwt him nyot, f-fow God's sake! He xDD is mad. +Some get *teleports behind you* within him, take his swowd away; +Bind Dwomio too, and *hugs tightly* beaw them to my house. +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. Wun, mastew, wun; f-fow God's sake take :3 a house. +T-This xDD is some pwiowy. *teleports behind you* In, ow we awe spoiw'd. +_< meaws m-make iww digestions; +*looks at you* Theweof the waging fiwe of *cuddles you* fevew bwed; +:33 And w-what's :3 a *cuddles you* fevew b-but :3 a fit of madnyess? +Thou say'st his spowts wewe hind'wed by thy bwawws. +Sweet *notices bulge* wecweation OwO baww'd, what doth ensue +But moody and duww m-mewanchowy, +Kinsman to gwim and comfowtwess d-despaiw, +:33 And *teleports behind you* at hew *notices bulge* heews :3 a huge infectious twoop +Of pawe distempewatuwes and foes to w-wife? +In food, in spowt, and *blushes* wife-pwesewving west, +To be distuwb'd wouwd mad ow man ow beast. +The consequence is, then, thy jeawous fits +Hath scaw'd thy husband f-fwom the use of w-wits. +WUCIANyA. ^.^ She nyevew wepwehended him b-but miwdwy, +When he *pokes you* demean'd himsewf wough, wude, and wiwdwy. +Why *hugs tightly* beaw :33 you these webukes, and a-answew UwU nyot? +*leans over* ADWIANyA. ^.^ She did betway me to my own *cries* wepwoof. +*pokes you* Good peopwe, entew, and way howd on :33 him. +ABBESS. Nyo, nyot :3 a *leans over* cweatuwe entews in my house. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Then w-wet youw sewvants bwing my husband fowth. +ABBESS. N-Nyeithew; he t-took this pwace f-fow *notices bulge* sanctuawy, +:33 And i-it shaww pwiviwege him f-fwom youw hands +Tiww I *looks away* have >w< bwought him to his OwO wits again, +Ow wose my wabouw in assaying *hugs tightly* it. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. I wiww attend my *twerks* husband, be his nyuwse, +Diet his sicknyess, f-fow i-it xDD is my office, +:33 And wiww *looks away* have nyo attownyey b-but mysewf; +:33 And thewefowe w-wet me *looks away* have him home w-with me. +ABBESS. Be patient; f-fow I wiww nyot w-wet him stiw +Tiww I *looks away* have us'd the appwuvd means I have, +With whowesome sywups, dwugs, and howy p-pwayews, +To m-make of him :3 a fowmaw man again. +It xDD is :3 a *twerks* bwanch and pawcew of minye o-oath, +A chawitabwe duty of my o-owdew; +Thewefowe depawt, and weave him hewe w-with me. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. I wiww nyot hence and weave my husband hewe; +:33 And iww i-it doth beseem youw howinyess +To sepawate the husband and the w-wife. +ABBESS. Be OwO quiet, and depawt; thou shawt nyot *looks away* have :33 him. +_> See whewe they come; we wiww behowd his death. +WUCIANyA. K-Knyeew to the Duke befowe he pass the abbey. + +Entew the *shuffles closer* DUKE, attended; AEGEON, baweheaded; +w-with the HEADSMAN and othew OFFICEWS + +DUKE. Yet *screams* once a-again pwocwaim i-it pubwicwy, +I-If *sighs* any fwiend wiww pay the sum f-fow him, +He shaww nyot ^w^ die; so x3 much we tendew :33 him. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Justice, m-most s-sacwed Duke, against the Abbess! +DUKE. ^.^ She xDD is :3 a viwtuous and :3 a wevewend wady; +It cannyot be that she hath d-donye thee wwong. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. May i-it p-pwease youw Gwace, ÚwÚ Antiphowus, my *twerks* husband, +Who I xDD made w-wowd of me and aww I had +At youw impowtant w-wettews-this iww day +A m-most outwageous fit of madnyess t-took him, +That xDD desp'watewy he huwwied thwough the stweet, +With him his bondman aww as mad as uWu he, +>_> Doing dispweasuwe to the citizens +By wushing in theiw houses, beawing uWu thence +Wings, jewews, anything his wage did wike. +Once did I get him bound and sent him home, +Whiwst to take owdew f-fow the UwU wwongs I went, +That hewe and thewe his fuwy had committed. +A-Anyon, I wot nyot by what stwong escape, +He bwoke f-fwom those that had the guawd of him, +:33 And w-with his mad attendant and *sighs* himsewf, +>_> Each onye w-with iwefuw passion, w-with d-dwawn swowds, +Met us a-again and, madwy bent on u-us, +Chas'd us away; tiww, waising of mowe aid, +We came a-again to bind them. Then they uWu fwed +Into this abbey, whithew we puwsu'd them; +:33 And hewe the Abbess shuts the *shuffles closer* gates on u-us, +:33 And wiww nyot suffew us to fetch him out, +Nyow s-send him fowth that we may *hugs tightly* beaw him hence. +Thewefowe, m-most gwacious Duke, w-with thy command +Wet him be >w< bwought fowth and bownye hence f-fow hewp. +DUKE. *cuddles you* Wong since thy husband sewv'd me in my waws, +:33 And I to thee engag'd :3 a pwince's wowd, +When thou didst m-make him mastew of thy *teleports behind you* bed, +To do him aww the gwace and good I couwd. +Go, some of you, knyock *teleports behind you* at the abbey gate, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid the Wady Abbess come to me, +I wiww detewminye this befowe I stiw. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. uWu O mistwess, mistwess, shift and save youwsewf! +My mastew and his man awe both bwoke woose, +;;w;; Beaten the maids a-wow and bound the *sighs* doctow, +W-Whose beawd they *looks away* have *looks away* sing'd off w-with b-bwands of fiwe; +:33 And evew, as i-it bwaz'd, they *looks at you* thwew on him +Gweat paiws of puddwed miwe to quench the ^-^ haiw. +My mastew pweaches patience to him, and the w-whiwe +His man w-with s-scissows nyicks him wike :3 a foow; +:33 And suwe, unwess :33 you s-send some pwesent h-hewp, +Between them they wiww kiww the c-conjuwew. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Peace, foow! thy mastew and his man awe hewe, +:33 And that xDD is fawse thou dost wepowt to us. +MESSENGEW. Mistwess, upon my wife, I t-teww :33 you twue; +I *looks away* have nyot bweath'd awmost since I did see *hugs tightly* it. +He cwies f-fow you, and vows, i-if he can take you, +To scowch youw face, and to disfiguwe you. +[Cwy within] +*sweats* Hawk, h-hawk, I heaw him, mistwess; fwy, be UwU gonye! +DUKE. Come, s-stand by me; feaw nyothing. Guawd w-with >w< hawbewds. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Ay me, i-it xDD is my h-husband! Witnyess :33 you +That he xDD is bownye ^w^ about *cries* invisibwe. +Even *pokes you* nyow we hous'd him in the abbey hewe, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow he's thewe, past thought of human weason. + +Entew ANTIPHOWUS OFEPHESUS and DWOMIO OFEPHESUS + +ANTIPHOWUS ÚwÚ OFEPHESUS. Justice, m-most gwacious Duke; O, gwant me justice! +Even f-fow the >_> sewvice that wong since I did thee, +When I bestwid thee in the waws, and t-took +Deep scaws to save thy wife; even f-fow the bwood +That then I wost f-fow thee, *pokes you* nyow gwant me justice. +UwU AEGEON. Unwess the feaw of death doth m-make me dote, +I see my son ÚwÚ Antiphowus, and Dwomio. +ANTIPHOWUS ÚwÚ OFEPHESUS. Justice, sweet Pwince, against that woman thewe! +^.^ She whom thou gav'st to me to be my wife, +That hath a-abused and dishonyouwed me +Even in the stwength and height of injuwy. +Beyond imaginyation xDD is the wwong +That she this day hath shamewess thwown on me. +DUKE. Discuvw how, and thou shawt find me j-just. +ANTIPHOWUS ÚwÚ OFEPHESUS. T-This :3 day, g-gweat Duke, she shut the doows upon me, +Whiwe she w-with hawwots feasted in my house. +DUKE. A gwievous f-fauwt. Say, woman, didst thou so? +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Nyo, my good wowd. Mysewf, uWu he, and my *leans over* sistew, +To-day did dinye togethew. S-So befaww my :33 souw +As this xDD is fawse he buwdens me ^-^ withaw! +WUCIANyA. x3 Nye'ew may I wook on day *pokes you* nyow sweep on nyight +But she tewws to youw *leans over* Highnyess simpwe twuth! +ANGEWO. uWu O pefwuw'd w-woman! They awe both f-fowswown. +In this the madman *blushes* justwy chawgeth them. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. My *sighs* wiege, I *giggles shyly* am advised what I say; +Nyeithew distuwbed w-with the effect of winye, +Nyow ^w^ heady-wash, pwovok'd w-with waging *giggles shyly* iwe, +Awbeit my UwU wwongs might m-make onye wisew mad. +T-This woman wock'd me out this day f-fwom dinnyew; +That *sighs* gowdsmith thewe, wewe he nyot pack'd w-with hew, +Couwd witnyess uWu it, f-fow he w-was w-with me then; +Who pawted w-with me to go fetch :3 a c-chain, +Pwomising to bwing i-it to the *looks at you* Powpentinye, +Whewe Bawthazaw and I did dinye togethew. +Ouw d-dinnyew donye, and he nyot coming thithew, +I went to seek :33 him. In the stweet I met him, +:33 And in his *giggles shyly* company that gentweman. +Thewe did this *blushes* pewjuw'd *sighs* gowdsmith sweaw me down +That I this day of him w-weceiv'd the c-chain, +W-Which, *teleports behind you* God he k-knyows, I saw nyot; f-fow the which +He did awwest me w-with an *leans over* officew. +I did o-obey, and sent my peasant home +Fow cewtain ducats; he w-with nyonye wetuwn'd. +Then faiwwy I bespoke the officew +To go in pewson w-with me to my house. +By *sighs* th' way we met my wife, hew *leans over* sistew, and :3 a wabbwe mowe +Of viwe confedewates. Awong w-with them +They >w< bwought onye Pinch, :3 a hungwy wean-fac'd v-viwwain, +A *cuddles you* mewe *cries* anyatomy, :3 a mountebank, +A thweadbawe *moans* juggwew, and :3 a UwU fowtunye-tewwew, +A nyeedy, *looks away* howwow-ey'd, shawp-wooking wwetch, +A wiving dead man. T-This pewnyicious swave, +Fowsooth, t-took on him as :3 a c-conjuwew, +:33 And g-gazing in minye eyes, OwO feewing my p-puwse, +:33 And w-with nyo face, as 'twewe, outfacing me, +Cwies out I w-was possess'd. Then aww >_> togethew +They *looks away* feww upon me, bound me, *giggles shyly* bowe me t-thence, +:33 And in :3 a dawk and dankish vauwt *teleports behind you* at home +Thewe weft me and my man, both bound togethew; +Tiww, g-gnyawing w-with my teeth my bonds in sundew, +I gain'd my fweedom, and immediatewy +*twerks* Wan h-hithew to youw Gwace; whom I b-beseech +To give me ampwe satisfaction +Fow these deep shames and g-gweat ^w^ indignyities. +ANGEWO. My wowd, in twuth, uWu thus faw I witnyess w-with him, +That he din'd nyot *teleports behind you* at home, b-but w-was wock'd out. +DUKE. But had he *looks at you* such :3 a chain of thee, ow n-nyo? +ANGEWO. He had, my wowd, and when he wan in hewe, +These UwU peopwe saw the chain ^w^ about his nyeck. +SECOND MEWCHANT. Besides, I wiww be swown these eaws of minye +Heawd :33 you confess :33 you had the chain of him, +Aftew :33 you fiwst fowswowe i-it on the m-mawt; +:33 And theweupon I dwew my swowd on you, +:33 And then :33 you uWu fwed into this abbey hewe, +Fwom whence, I think, :33 you awe come by m-miwacwe. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I nyevew came *teleports behind you* within these abbey wawws, +Nyow evew didst thou dwaw thy swowd on me; +I nyevew saw the c-chain, so h-hewp me Heaven! +:33 And this xDD is fawse :33 you b-buwden me withaw. +DUKE. Why, what an ;;w;; intwicate impeach xDD is this! +I think :33 you aww *looks away* have >_> dwunk of Ciwce's cup. +I-If hewe :33 you hous'd him, hewe he wouwd *looks away* have been; +I-If he wewe m-mad, he wouwd nyot pwead so cowdwy. +You say he din'd *teleports behind you* at home: the *sighs* gowdsmith hewe +D-Denyies that saying. Siwwah, what say you? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Siw, he din'd w-with hew thewe, *teleports behind you* at the Powpentinye. +COUWTEZAN. He did; and f-fwom my fingew snyatch'd that wing. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. 'Tis twue, my wiege; this wing I had of hew. +DUKE. xDD Saw'st thou him entew *teleports behind you* at the abbey hewe? +COUWTEZAN. As suwe, my *sighs* wiege, as I do see youw G-Gwace. +DUKE. Why, this xDD is stwange. G-Go caww the Abbess hithew. +I think :33 you awe aww x3 mated ow stawk mad. +w< mighty Duke, vouchsafe me speak :3 a wowd: +Hapwy I see :3 a fwiend wiww save my w-wife +:33 And pay the sum that may dewivew me. +DUKE. Speak fweewy, Sywacusian, what thou wiwt. +UwU AEGEON. Is nyot youw nyame, siw, caww'd Antiphowus? +:33 And xDD is nyot that youw bondman Dwomio? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Within this houw I w-was his bondman, siw, +But uWu he, I *notices bulge* thank him, gnyaw'd in t-two my *shuffles closer* cowds +Nyow *giggles shyly* am I Dwomio and his man unbound. +UwU AEGEON. I *giggles shyly* am suwe :33 you both of :33 you w-wemembew me. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Ouwsewves we do wemembew, siw, by y-you; +Fow watewy we wewe bound as :33 you awe nyow. +You awe nyot P-Pinch's *pokes you* patient, awe you, siw? +UwU AEGEON. Why wook :33 you s-stwange on m-me? You knyow me weww. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I nyevew saw :33 you in my w-wife tiww nyow. +UwU AEGEON. O! g-gwief hath c-chang'd me since :33 you saw me wast; +:33 And cawefuw houws w-with time's defowmed hand +Have wwitten s-stwange defeatuwes in my face. +But t-teww me yet, dost thou nyot knyow my voice? +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *cries* Nyeithew. +UwU AEGEON. Dwomio, *pokes you* nyow thou? +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyo, twust me, siw, *pokes you* nyow I-I. +UwU AEGEON. I *giggles shyly* am suwe thou dost. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Ay, siw, b-but I *giggles shyly* am suwe I do nyot; and +w-whatsoevew :3 a man denyies, :33 you awe *pokes you* nyow bound to bewieve :33 him. +UwU AEGEON. Nyot knyow my voice! uWu O time's extwemity, +*hugs tightly* Hast thou so cwack'd and spwitted my poow *notices bulge* tongue +In seven showt x3 yeaws that hewe my onwy son +K-Knyows nyot my feebwe key of u-untun'd cawes? +*shuffles closer* Though *pokes you* nyow this gwainyed face of minye be hid +In sap-consuming wintew's dwizzwed snyow, +:33 And aww the conduits of my bwood f-fwoze up, +Yet hath my nyight of w-wife some memowy, +My wasting wamps some fading >_< gwimmew weft, +My duww deaf eaws :3 a wittwe use to *shuffles closer* heaw; +A-Aww these *giggles shyly* owd witnyesses-I cannyot eww- +Teww me thou awt my son Antiphowus. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I nyevew saw my fathew in my w-wife. +UwU AEGEON. But seven x3 yeaws *giggles shyly* since, in OwO Sywacuse, boy, +Thou knyow'st we pawted; b-but pewhaps, my son, +Thou s-sham'st to acknyowwedge me in misewy. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. The Duke and aww that knyow me in +the city *sweats* Can witnyess w-with me that i-it xDD is nyot so: +I nye'ew saw Sywacuse in my w-wife. +DUKE. I t-teww thee, Sywacusian, twenty x3 yeaws +Have I been p-patwon to ÚwÚ Antiphowus, +Duwing which ;;w;; time he nye'ew saw Sywacuse. +I see thy ^w^ age and dangews m-make thee dote. + +We-entew the *shuffles closer* ABBESS, w-with ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE and DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE + +ABBESS. Most >w< mighty Duke, behowd :3 a man x3 much wwong'd. +[Aww *twerks* gathew to see them] +*leans over* ADWIANyA. I see t-two h-husbands, ow minye eyes deceive me. +DUKE. Onye of these men xDD is genyius to the othew; +:33 And so of t-these. Which xDD is the >w< nyatuwaw man, +:33 And which the spiwit? Who deciphews t-them? +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. I, siw, *giggles shyly* am Dwomio; command him a-away. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. I, Siw, *giggles shyly* am Dwomio; pway w-wet me s-stay. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Aegeon, awt thou UwU nyot? ow ewse his +DWOMIO OF SYWACUSE. O, my *giggles shyly* owd mastew! who hath bound +ABBESS. Whoevew bound him, I wiww woose his bonds, +:33 And gain :3 a husband by his wibewty. +Speak, *giggles shyly* owd Aegeon, i-if thou *cuddles you* be'st the man +That h-hadst :3 a w-wife *screams* once caww'd Aemiwia, +That *giggles shyly* bowe thee *teleports behind you* at :3 a b-buwden t-two f-faiw s-sons. +O, i-if thou *cuddles you* be'st the >_> same Aegeon, speak, +:33 And speak unto the >_> same Aemiwia! +UwU AEGEON. I-If I dweam nyot, thou awt *giggles shyly* Aemiwia. +I-If thou awt she, t-teww me whewe xDD is that son +That f-fwoated w-with thee on the fataw waft? +ABBESS. By men of Epidamnyum he and I +:33 And the twin Dwomio, aww wewe taken up; +But by and by wude f-fishewmen of Cowinth +By fowce t-took Dwomio and my son f-fwom them, +:33 And me they weft w-with those of Epidamnyum. +What then *looks at you* became of them I cannyot teww; +I to this fowtunye that :33 you see me i-in. +DUKE. Why, hewe b-begins his ^-^ mownying stowy w-wight. +These t-two A-Antiphowus', these t-two so wike, +:33 And these t-two Dwomios, onye in x3 sembwance- +Besides hew uwging of hew wweck *teleports behind you* at sea- +These awe the pawents to these chiwdwen, +Which accidentawwy awe met togethew. +ÚwÚ Antiphowus, thou cam'st f-fwom Cowinth fiwst? +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. Nyo, siw, nyot I; I came f-fwom Sywacuse. +DUKE. Stay, s-stand apawt; I knyow nyot which xDD is which. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. I came f-fwom C-Cowinth, my m-most gwacious wowd. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. :33 And I w-with :33 him. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. UwU Bwought to this town by that m-most f-famous wawwiow, +Duke Menyaphon, youw m-most wenyownyed ^-^ uncwe. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. Which of :33 you t-two did dinye w-with me to-day? +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I, gentwe *screams* mistwess. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. :33 And awe nyot :33 you my husband? +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. Nyo; I say nyay to that. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. :33 And so do I, y-yet did she caww me so; +:33 And this f-faiw gentwewoman, hew *cuddles you* sistew hewe, +Did caww me b-bwothew. [To WUCIANyA] What I towd :33 you then, +I hope I shaww *looks away* have weisuwe to m-make good; +I-If this be nyot :3 a dweam I see and heaw. +ANGEWO. That xDD is the c-chain, siw, which :33 you had of me. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. I think i-it be, *teleports behind you* siw; I deny i-it nyot. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. :33 And you, siw, f-fow this chain awwested me. +ANGEWO. I think I did, *teleports behind you* siw; I deny i-it nyot. +*leans over* ADWIANyA. I sent :33 you monyey, siw, to be youw baiw, +By Dwomio; b-but I think he >w< bwought i-it nyot. +DWOMIO OF EPHESUS. Nyo, nyonye by me. +ANTIPHOWUS OF SYWACUSE. T-This *cries* puwse of ducats I w-weceiv'd f-fwom you, +:33 And Dwomio my man did bwing them me. +I see we ^-^ stiww did meet each othew's man, +:33 And I w-was ta'en f-fow him, and he f-fow me, +:33 And theweupon these EWWOWS awe awose. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. These ducats p-pawn I f-fow my fathew hewe. +DUKE. It shaww nyot OwO nyeed; thy fathew hath his w-wife. +COUWTEZAN. Siw, I must *looks away* have that diamond f-fwom you. +ANTIPHOWUS OF EPHESUS. *sighs* Thewe, take it; and x3 much t-thanks f-fow my +good cheew. +ABBESS. Wenyownyed Duke, vouchsafe to take the pains +To go w-with us into the abbey hewe, +:33 And heaw *teleports behind you* at wawge discouwsed aww ouw fowtunyes; +:33 And aww that awe ^w^ assembwed in this pwace +That by this sympathized onye d-day's ewwow +Have suffew'd wwong, go keep us company, +:33 And we shaww m-make fuww satisfaction. +Thiwty-thwee x3 yeaws *looks away* have I b-but gonye in twavaiw +Of you, my s-sons; and tiww this pwesent houw +My heavy b-buwden nye'ew ^-^ dewivewed. +The Duke, my *twerks* husband, and my chiwdwen both, +:33 And :33 you the cawendaws of theiw *teleports behind you* nyativity, +G-Go to :3 a gossips' :33 feast, and go w-with me; +Aftew so wong gwief, *looks at you* such nyativity! +DUKE. With aww my h-heawt, I-I'ww gossip *teleports behind you* at this ÚwÚ feast. +_> wowwd wike bwothew and bwothew, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow wet's go hand in hand, nyot onye befowe anyothew. +_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1608 + +uWu THE TWAGEDY OF COWIOWANyUS + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +CAIUS MAWCIUS, aftewwawds CAIUS MAWCIUS COWIOWANyUS + +Genyewaws against the *teleports behind you* Vowscians +>_< TITUS WAWTIUS +COMINyIUS + +^w^ MENyENyIUS AGWIPPA, fwiend to Cowiowanyus + +Twibunyes of the Peopwe +S-SICINyIUS VEWUTUS +JUNyIUS BWUTUS + +*sighs* YOUNG MAWCIUS, son to Cowiowanyus +A WOMAN *sighs* HEWAWD +NyICANyOW, :3 a Woman +TUWWUS A-AUFIDIUS, Genyewaw of the *teleports behind you* Vowscians +WIEUTENyANT, to A-Aufidius +CONSPIWATOWS, With A-Aufidius +ADWIAN, :3 a Vowscian +A CITIZEN of Antium +T-TWO V-VOWSCIAN GUAWDS + +VOWUMNyIA, mothew to Cowiowanyus +*pokes you* VIWGIWIA, w-wife to Cowiowanyus +VAWEWIA, fwiend to Viwgiwia +GENTWEWOMAN *notices bulge* attending on Viwgiwia + +Woman and Vowscian Senyatows, Patwicians, Aediwes, Wictows, +Sowdiews, Citizens, Messengews, Sewvants to *hugs tightly* Aufidius, and othew +Attendants + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Wome and the nyeighbouwhood; Cowiowi and the nyeighbouwhood; Antium + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. A stweet + +Entew :3 a *giggles shyly* company of mutinyous citizens, w-with staves, cwubs, and othew weapons + +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Befowe we pwoceed *sighs* any xDD fuwthew, heaw me speak. +AWW. Speak, speak. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. YOU awe aww wesowv'd wathew to *leans over* die than to famish? +AWW. *sighs* Wesowv'd, wesowv'd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Fiwst, :33 you knyow C-Caius Mawcius xDD is chief enyemy to the +peopwe. +AWW. We k-knyow't, we knyow't. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Wet us kiww him, and we'ww *looks away* have cown *teleports behind you* at ouw own +pwice. *shuffles closer* Is't :3 a vewdict? +AWW. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe tawking on't; w-wet i-it be donye. Away, away! +SECOND CITIZEN. Onye wowd, good citizens. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. We awe a-accounted poow citizens, the patwicians good. +What authowity suwfeits on wouwd wewieve us; i-if they wouwd y-yiewd +us b-but the supewfwuity w-whiwe i-it wewe w-whowesome, we might guess +they wewieved us humanyewy; b-but they think we awe too deaw. The +weannyess that affwicts u-us, the object of ouw misewy, xDD is as an +inventowy to pawticuwawize theiw ^.^ abundance; ouw suffewance xDD is :3 a +gain to them. Wet us wevenge this w-with ouw UwU pikes ewe we become +wakes; f-fow the g-gods knyow I speak this in hungew f-fow bwead, nyot in +thiwst f-fow *twerks* wevenge. +SECOND CITIZEN. Wouwd :33 you pwoceed especiawwy against C-Caius Mawcius? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Against him fiwst; he's :3 a vewy x3 dog to the +commonyawty. +SECOND CITIZEN. *leans over* Considew :33 you what sewvices he has d-donye f-fow his +countwy? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Vewy weww, and couwd be *notices bulge* content to give him good +wepowt fow't b-but that he pays himsewf w-with b-being pwoud. +SECOND CITIZEN. Nyay, b-but speak nyot mawiciouswy. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. I say unto you, what he hath d-donye famouswy he did i-it +to that e-end; t-though UwU soft-conscienc'd men can be *notices bulge* content to say i-it +w-was f-fow his countwy, he did i-it to p-pwease his mothew and to be +pawtwy pwoud, which he is, even to the awtitude of his viwtue. +SECOND CITIZEN. What he cannyot h-hewp in his nyatuwe :33 you :3 account :3 a +v-vice in :33 him. You must in nyo way say he xDD is cuvtous. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. I-If I must nyot, I nyeed nyot be bawwen of accusations; +he hath fauwts, w-with suwpwus, to tiwe in wepetition. [Shouts +within] What shouts awe these? The othew s-side o' *sighs* th' city xDD is +wisen. Why stay we p-pwating hewe? To *sighs* th' C-Capitow! +AWW. Come, come. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Soft! who comes hewe? + +Entew ^w^ MENyENyIUS AGWIPPA + +SECOND CITIZEN. Wowthy M-Menyenyius A-Agwippa; onye that hath *hugs tightly* awways wov'd +the peopwe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. He's onye honyest enyough; wouwd aww the west wewe so! +MENyENyIUS. What wowk's, my countwymen, in hand? Whewe go :33 you +With b-bats and cwubs? The mattew? Speak, I pway you. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Ouw businyess xDD is nyot >_> unknyown to *sighs* th' Senyate; they *looks away* have +had inkwing this fowtnyight what we i-intend to do, which *pokes you* nyow we'ww +show 'em in deeds. They say poow suitows *looks away* have stwong bweaths; +they shaww knyow we *looks away* have stwong awms too. +MENyENyIUS. Why, mastews, my good fwiends, minye honyest nyeighbouws, +Wiww :33 you u-undo youwsewves? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. We cannyot, *teleports behind you* siw; we awe undonye a-awweady. +MENyENyIUS. I t-teww you, fwiends, m-most chawitabwe cawe +Have the patwicians of you. Fow youw :3 wants, +Youw suffewing in this deawth, :33 you may as weww +Stwike *teleports behind you* at the heaven w-with youw staves as wift them +Against the Woman state; *screams* whose couwse wiww on +The way i-it takes, cwacking ten thousand cuwbs +Of mowe stwong wink a-asundew than can evew +*notices bulge* Appeaw in youw impediment. Fow the deawth, +The gods, nyot the patwicians, m-make uWu it, and +Youw knyees to them, nyot awms, must hewp. Awack, +You awe twanspowted by *leans over* cawamity +Thithew whewe mowe attends y-you; and :33 you swandew +The h-hewms o' *sighs* th' state, who cawe f-fow :33 you wike fathews, +When :33 you cuwse them as enyemies. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Cawe f-fow us! Twue, indeed! They nye'ew ;;w;; caw'd f-fow us +yet. ^-^ Suffew us to famish, and theiw stowehouses :33 cwamm'd w-with +^-^ gwain; m-make edicts f-fow usuwy, to suppowt OwO usuwews; ^w^ wepeaw daiwy +*sighs* any whowesome a-act estabwished against the *giggles shyly* wich, and pwovide mowe +piewcing statutes daiwy to chain up and westwain the *looks away* poow. I-If the +waws eat us nyot up, they wiww; and thewe's aww the wuv they *hugs tightly* beaw +us. +MENyENyIUS. E-Eithew :33 you must +Confess youwsewves wondwous mawicious, +Ow be accus'd of fowwy. I shaww t-teww :33 you +A pwetty t-tawe. It may be :33 you *looks away* have heawd it; +But, since i-it sewves my puwpose, I wiww v-ventuwe +To stawe't :3 a wittwe mowe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Weww, I-I'ww heaw uWu it, *teleports behind you* siw; y-yet :33 you must nyot think to +xDD fob off ouw *shuffles closer* disgwace w-with :3 a t-tawe. But, an't p-pwease you, dewivew. +MENyENyIUS. Thewe w-was :3 a ;;w;; time when aww the body's membews +Webeww'd against the bewwy; uWu thus accus'd *screams* it: +That onwy wike :3 a guwf i-it did wemain +I' *sighs* th' midst o' *sighs* th' body, idwe and unyactive, +Stiww cupboawding the viand, nyevew beawing +Wike wabouw w-with the west; whewe *sighs* th' othew instwuments +Did see and h-heaw, devise, instwuct, wawk, feew, +And, mutuawwy pawticipate, did minyistew +Unto the appetite and affection common +Of the *shuffles closer* whowe b-body. The bewwy answew'd- +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Weww, siw, what a-answew xDD made the bewwy? +MENyENyIUS. Siw, I shaww t-teww you. With :3 a kind of smiwe, +Which nye'ew came f-fwom the w-wungs, b-but even thus- +Fow wook you, I may m-make the bewwy smiwe +As weww as speak- i-it tauntingwy wepwied +To *sighs* th' discontented membews, the mutinyous *looks away* pawts +That envied his *sweats* weceipt; even so m-most fitwy +As :33 you mawign ouw senyatows f-fow that +They awe nyot *looks at you* such as you. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Youw bewwy's a-answew- What? +The k-kingwy cwownyed head, the vigiwant eye, +The counsewwow h-heawt, the awm ouw s-sowdiew, +Ouw *looks away* steed the weg, the *notices bulge* tongue ouw t-twumpetew, +With othew munyiments and *blushes* petty hewps +Is this ouw fabwic, i-if that they- +MENyENyIUS. What then? +Fowe me, this fewwow speaks! What then? What then? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Shouwd by the cowmowant bewwy be >w< westwain'd, +Who xDD is the sink o' *sighs* th' body- +MENyENyIUS. Weww, what then? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. The fowmew agents, i-if they did compwain, +What couwd the bewwy answew? +MENyENyIUS. I wiww t-teww y-you; +I-If ^-^ you'ww bestow :3 a smaww- of what :33 you *looks away* have wittwe- +Patience a-awhiwe, *teleports behind you* you'st heaw the bewwy's a-answew. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Y'awe wong ^w^ about *hugs tightly* it. +MENyENyIUS. Nyote me this, good fwiend: +Youw m-most gwave bewwy w-was d-dewibewate, +Nyot wash wike his ^-^ accusews, and uWu thus answewed. +'-'Twue xDD is uWu it, my incowpowate *blushes* fwiends,' quoth he +'That I weceive the genyewaw food *teleports behind you* at fiwst +Which :33 you do wive upon; and fit i-it is, +:33 Because I *giggles shyly* am the stowehouse and the s-shop +Of the *shuffles closer* whowe b-body. But, i-if :33 you do wemembew, +I s-send i-it thwough the wivews of youw bwood, +Even to the couwt, the h-heawt, to *sighs* th' s-seat o' *sighs* th' bwain; +And, thwough the cwanks and o-offices of man, +The stwongest nyewves and smaww i-infewiow veins +Fwom me weceive that >w< nyatuwaw competency +;;w;; Wheweby they wive. :33 And t-though that aww *teleports behind you* at *screams* once +^.^ You, my good fwiends'- this says the bewwy; mawk me. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Ay, *teleports behind you* siw; weww, weww. +MENyENyIUS. 'Though aww *teleports behind you* at *screams* once cannyot +>_> See what I do dewivew out to each, +Yet I can m-make my audit up, that aww +Fwom me do back weceive the fwouw of aww, +:33 And weave me b-but the bwan.' What say :33 you to' t? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. It w-was an a-answew. How appwy :33 you *shuffles closer* this? +MENyENyIUS. The senyatows of Wome awe this good bewwy, +:33 And :33 you the mutinyous m-membews; fow, examinye +Theiw counsews and theiw cawes, digest *moans* things w-wightwy +Touching the weaw o' *sighs* th' common, :33 you shaww find +*cuddles you* Nyo *blushes* pubwic benyefit which :33 you weceive +But i-it pwoceeds ow comes f-fwom them to you, +:33 And nyo way f-fwom y-youwsewves. What do :33 you think, +^.^ You, the g-gweat toe of this a-assembwy? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. I the g-gweat toe? Why the g-gweat toe? +MENyENyIUS. Fow t-that, b-being onye o' *sighs* th' wowest, *looks away* basest, poowest, +Of this m-most wise webewwion, thou goest fowemost. +Thou wascaw, that awt wowst in bwood to wun, +Wead'st fiwst to win some v-vantage. +But m-make :33 you weady youw stiff b-bats and *moans* cwubs. +Wome and hew wats awe *teleports behind you* at the point of battwe; +The onye s-side must *looks away* have b-bawe. + +Entew CAIUS MAWCIUS + +Haiw, nyobwe Mawcius! +x3 MAWCIUS. Thanks. What's the mattew, :33 you dissentious ^-^ wogues +That, wubbing the poow i-itch of youw opinyion, +M-Make youwsewves scabs? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. We *looks away* have evew youw good wowd. +x3 MAWCIUS. He that wiww give good wowds to thee wiww fwattew +Benyeath uWu abhowwing. What wouwd :33 you have, :33 you ^w^ cuws, +That wike *pokes you* nyow peace *pokes you* nyow waw? The onye affwights you, +The othew makes :33 you pwoud. He that twusts to you, +Whewe he shouwd find :33 you wions, finds :33 you h-hawes; +Whewe f-foxes, geese; :33 you awe nyo suwew, nyo, +Than xDD is the coaw of fiwe upon the ice +Ow haiwstonye in the s-sun. Youw viwtue xDD is +To m-make him wowthy *screams* whose offence subdues him, +:33 And cuwse that justice did *hugs tightly* it. Who *giggles shyly* desewves gweatnyess +Desewves youw hate; and youw affections awe +A sick man's x3 appetite, who desiwes m-most that +Which wouwd incwease his ^.^ eviw. He that depends +*cries* Upon youw f-favouws swims w-with fins of wead, +:33 And hews down oaks w-with wushes. Hang ye! Twust y-ye? +With evewy minyute :33 you do change :3 a mind +:33 And caww him nyobwe that w-was *pokes you* nyow youw >_< hate, +Him viwe that w-was youw uWu gawwand. What's the m-mattew +That in these sevewaw pwaces of the city +You cwy against the nyobwe Senyate, w-who, +Undew the gods, keep :33 you in awe, which ewse +Wouwd feed on onye anyothew? What's theiw seeking? +MENyENyIUS. Fow cown *teleports behind you* at theiw own wates, wheweof they say +The city xDD is weww stow'd. +x3 MAWCIUS. Hang *looks away* 'em! They *blushes* say! +They'ww sit by *sighs* th' fiwe and p-pwesume to knyow +What's d-donye i' *sighs* th' Capitow, who's wike to wise, +Who *blushes* thwives and who decwinyes; s-side factions, and give out +Conjectuwaw mawwiages, x3 making pawties stwong, +:33 And feebwing *looks at you* such as s-stand nyot in theiw OwO wiking +Bewow theiw cobbwed shoes. They say thewe's gwain enyough! +Wouwd the nyobiwity way aside theiw *giggles shyly* wuth +:33 And w-wet me use my s-swowd, I'd m-make :3 a quawwy +With thousands of these quawtew'd swaves, as high +As I couwd pick my wance. +MENyENyIUS. Nyay, these awe awmost thowoughwy p-pewsuaded; +Fow t-though abundantwy they w-wack discwetion, +Yet awe they passing cowawdwy. But, I b-beseech you, +What says the othew t-twoop? +x3 MAWCIUS. They awe dissowv'd. Hang *looks away* 'em! +They said they wewe *teleports behind you* an-hungwy; sigh'd fowth pwuvwbs- +That hungew bwoke stonye wawws, that dogs must eat, +That meat w-was xDD made f-fow mouths, that the g-gods sent nyot +Cown f-fow the wich men onwy. With these s-shweds +They *blushes* vented theiw compwainyings; which b-being a-answew'd, +:33 And :3 a petition gwanted them- :3 a s-stwange onye, +To bweak the h-heawt of genyewosity +:33 And m-make bowd p-powew wook pawe- they *looks at you* thwew theiw c-caps +As they wouwd hang them on the howns o' *sighs* th' moon, +Shouting theiw e-emuwation. +MENyENyIUS. What xDD is gwanted t-them? +x3 MAWCIUS. Five twibunyes, to defend theiw *hugs tightly* vuwgaw wisdoms, +Of theiw own choice. Onye's J-Junyius Bwutus- +Sicinyius Vewutus, and I knyow nyot. *screams* 'Sdeath! +The wabbwe shouwd *looks away* have fiwst unwoof'd the city +Ewe so pwevaiw'd w-with me; i-it wiww in ;;w;; time +Win upon p-powew and thwow fowth gweatew themes +Fow insuwwection's awguing. +MENyENyIUS. T-This xDD is stwange. +x3 MAWCIUS. G-Go get :33 you home, :33 you :33 fwagments. + +Entew :3 a M-MESSENGEW, hastiwy + +MESSENGEW. Whewe's C-Caius Mawcius? +x3 MAWCIUS. *notices bulge* Hewe. What's the mattew? +MESSENGEW. The *notices bulge* nyews is, siw, the V-Vowsces awe in awms. +x3 MAWCIUS. I *giggles shyly* am gwad on't; then we shaww ha' means to vent +Ouw musty *twerks* supewfwuity. S-See, ouw best ewdews. + +Entew :3 COMINyIUS, >_< TITUS WAWTIUS, w-with othew SENyATOWS; +JUNyIUS BWUTUS and S-SICINyIUS VEWUTUS + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Mawcius, 'tis twue that :33 you *looks away* have watewy towd us: +The V-Vowsces awe in awms. +x3 MAWCIUS. They *looks away* have :3 a weadew, +Tuwwus *hugs tightly* Aufidius, that wiww put :33 you to't. +I sin in envying his nyobiwity; +:33 And wewe I anything b-but what I am, +I wouwd wish me onwy he. +COMINyIUS. You *looks away* have fought togethew? +x3 MAWCIUS. W-Wewe *looks at you* hawf to *looks at you* hawf the >_> wowwd by *sighs* th' eaws, and he +*cries* Upon my UwU pawty, I'd wevowt, to m-make +Onwy my waws w-with :33 him. He xDD is :3 a wion +That I *giggles shyly* am pwoud to ;;w;; hunt. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Then, wowthy Mawcius, +Attend upon Cominyius to these waws. +COMINyIUS. It xDD is youw fowmew pwomise. +x3 MAWCIUS. Siw, i-it is; +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am constant. Titus Wawtius, thou +Shawt see me *screams* once mowe stwike *teleports behind you* at Tuwwus' face. +*looks away* What, awt thou stiff? S-Stand'st out? +WAWTIUS. Nyo, C-Caius Mawcius; +I-I'ww wean upon onye cwutch and fight w-with t'othew +Ewe stay behind this businyess. +MENyENyIUS. O, twue bwed! +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Youw *giggles shyly* company to *sighs* th' Capitow; whewe, I knyow, +Ouw gweatest fwiends attend us. +WAWTIUS. [To COMINyIUS] Wead :33 you on. +[To MAWCIUS] *sweats* Fowwow C-Cominyius; we must fowwow y-you; +Wight wowthy :33 you *blushes* pwiowity. +COMINyIUS. Nyobwe Mawcius! +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. [To the Citizens] ^-^ Hence to youw h-homes; be gonye. +x3 MAWCIUS. Nyay, w-wet them fowwow. +The V-Vowsces *looks away* have x3 much cown: take these wats thithew +To g-gnyaw theiw ÚwÚ gawnyews. Wowshipfuw mutinyeews, +Youw vawouw puts weww fowth; pway fowwow. +Ciitzens steaw a-away. Exeunt aww b-but S-SICINyIUS and BWUTUS +SICINyIUS. Was evew man so pwoud as xDD is this Mawcius? +B-BWUTUS. He has nyo equaw. +SICINyIUS. When we wewe chosen twibunyes f-fow the peopwe- +B-BWUTUS. Mawk'd :33 you his wip and eyes? +SICINyIUS. Nyay, b-but his taunts! +B-BWUTUS. :3 Being mov'd, he wiww nyot spawe to g-giwd the gods. +SICINyIUS. Bemock the >_> modest moon. +B-BWUTUS. The pwesent waws devouw him! He xDD is gwown +>w< Too pwoud to be so vawiant. +SICINyIUS. Such :3 a nyatuwe, +Tickwed w-with good *moans* success, disdains the shadow +Which he tweads on *teleports behind you* at nyoon. But I do w-wondew +His :3 insowence can bwook to be c-commanded +Undew Cominyius. +B-BWUTUS. Fame, *teleports behind you* at the which he aims- +In whom *giggles shyly* awweady he xDD is weww gwac'd- cannyot +UwU Bettew be hewd *pokes you* nyow mowe attain'd than by +A pwace b-bewow the fiwst; f-fow what *shuffles closer* miscawwies +Shaww be the ^-^ genyewaw's fauwt, t-though he pewfowm +To *sighs* th' utmost of :3 a man, and giddy *looks away* censuwe +Wiww then cwy out of Mawcius 'O, i-if he +Had bownye the businyess!' +SICINyIUS. Besides, i-if *moans* things go weww, +Opinyion, that so sticks on Mawcius, shaww +Of his *giggles shyly* demewits wob Cominyius. +B-BWUTUS. Come. +Hawf aww Cominyius' honyouws awe to Mawcius, +*shuffles closer* Though Mawcius eawn'd them nyot; and aww his *cuddles you* fauwts +To Mawcius shaww be honyouws, t-though indeed +In a-aught he *blushes* mewit nyot. +SICINyIUS. Wet's hence and heaw +How the dispatch xDD is m-made, and in what fashion, +Mowe than his singuwawity, he goes +*cries* Upon this pwesent action. +B-BWUTUS. Wet's awong. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +>w< Cowiowi. The Senyate ;;w;; House. + +Entew TUWWUS AUFIDIUS w-with SENyATOWS of Cowiowi + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. S-So, youw ;;w;; opinyion is, *hugs tightly* Aufidius, +That they of Wome awe ent'wed in ouw counsews +:33 And knyow how we pwoceed. +A-AUFIDIUS. Is i-it nyot youws? +What evew *looks away* have been thought on in this state +That couwd be >w< bwought to bodiwy a-act ewe Wome +Had :33 ciwcumvention? 'Tis nyot fouw days gonye +Since I heawd thence; these awe the wowds- I think +I *looks away* have the wettew h-hewe;.yes, hewe i-it is: +[Weads] 'They *looks away* have pwess'd :3 a powew, b-but i-it xDD is nyot knyown +>_> Whethew f-fow east ow west. The *cries* deawth xDD is gweat; +The UwU peopwe mutinyous; and i-it xDD is wumouw'd, +*giggles shyly* Cominyius, Mawcius youw *giggles shyly* owd enyemy, +Who xDD is of Wome wowse >_< hated than of you, +:33 And Titus Wawtius, :3 a m-most *cuddles you* vawiant Woman, +These thwee wead on this pwepawation +Whithew 'tis bent. Most wikewy 'tis f-fow y-you; +*leans over* Considew of it.' +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Ouw awmy's in the fiewd; +We nyevew y-yet xDD made d-doubt b-but Wome w-was weady +To a-answew us. +A-AUFIDIUS. Nyow did :33 you think i-it fowwy +To keep youw g-gweat pwetences veiw'd tiww when +They nyeeds must show themsewves; which in the hatching, +It *looks away* seem'd, appeaw'd to Wome. By the discuvwy +We shaww be showt'nyed in ouw aim, which w-was +To take in many towns ewe awmost Wome +Shouwd knyow we wewe afoot. +SECOND SENyATOW. Nyobwe *hugs tightly* Aufidius, +Take youw commission; hie :33 you to youw *leans over* bands; +Wet us uWu awonye to guawd >w< Cowiowi. +I-If they set down befowe's, f-fow the *pokes you* wemuv +Bwing up youw *cuddles you* awmy; b-but I think ^-^ you'ww find +T-Th' *looks away* have nyot pwepaw'd f-fow us. +A-AUFIDIUS. O, d-doubt nyot that! +I speak f-fwom cewtainties. Nyay m-mowe, +Some pawcews of theiw p-powew awe fowth awweady, +:33 And onwy hithewwawd. I weave youw honyouws. +I-If we and C-Caius Mawcius chance to ^.^ meet, +'Tis swown between us we shaww evew stwike +Tiww onye can do nyo mowe. +AWW. The g-gods assist you! +A-AUFIDIUS. :33 And keep youw honyouws safe! +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Faweweww. +SECOND SENyATOW. Faweweww. +AWW. Faweweww. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Wome. MAWCIUS' h-house + +Entew VOWUMNyIA and *pokes you* VIWGIWIA, mothew and w-wife to MAWCIUS; +they set them down on t-two wow stoows and sew + +VOWUMNyIA. I pway you, daughtew, sing, ow expwess *teleports behind you* youwsewf in :3 a mowe +comfowtabwe sowt. I-If my son wewe my *twerks* husband, I shouwd fweewiew +wejoice in that *sweats* absence whewein he won honyouw than in the +embwacements of his *looks away* bed whewe he wouwd show m-most wuv. When y-yet +he w-was b-but tendew-bodied, and the onwy son of my womb; when youth +w-with comewinyess pwuck'd aww x3 gaze his way; when, f-fow :3 a day of +:3 kings' *giggles shyly* entweaties, :3 a mothew shouwd nyot s-seww him an houw f-fwom hew +behowding; I, considewing how honyouw wouwd become *looks at you* such :3 a pewson- +that i-it w-was nyo bettew than pictuwe-wike to hang by *sighs* th' waww, i-if +wenyown xDD made i-it nyot *looks at you* stiw- w-was :33 pweas'd to w-wet him seek dangew whewe +he w-was to find fame. To :3 a *looks away* cwuew waw I sent him, f-fwom whence he +wetuwn'd his bwows bound w-with oak. I t-teww thee, daughtew, I +spwang nyot mowe in joy *teleports behind you* at fiwst heawing he w-was :3 a man-chiwd than +*pokes you* nyow in fiwst seeing he had pwuvd himsewf :3 a man. +VIWGIWIA. But had he died in the >_> businyess, madam, how then? +VOWUMNyIA. Then his good wepowt shouwd *looks away* have been my s-son; I t-thewein +wouwd *looks away* have found issue. Heaw me pwofess sincewewy: had I :3 a d-dozen +sons, each in my wuv awike, and nyonye wess deaw than thinye and my +good Mawcius, I had wathew had eweven *leans over* die nyobwy f-fow theiw countwy +than onye vowuptuouswy suwfeit out of action. + +Entew :3 a GENTWEWOMAN + +;;w;; GENTWEWOMAN. Madam, the Wady Vawewia xDD is come to visit you. +VIWGIWIA. Beseech :33 you give me weave to wetiwe mysewf. +VOWUMNyIA. Indeed :33 you shaww nyot. +Methinks I heaw h-hithew youw husband's dwum; +>_> See him pwuck A-Aufidius down by *sighs* th' h-haiw; +As chiwdwen f-fwom :3 a beaw, the V-Vowsces *looks at you* shunnying :33 him. +Methinks I see him s-stamp thus, and caww thus: +'Come on, :33 you cowawds! You wewe *giggles shyly* got in f-feaw, +*shuffles closer* Though :33 you wewe bown in Wome.' His bwoody bwow +With his maiw'd hand then wiping, fowth he *moans* goes, +Wike to :3 a hawvest-man that's task'd to mow +Ow aww ow wose his hiwe. +VIWGIWIA. His bwoody b-bwow? uWu O Jupitew, nyo bwood! +VOWUMNyIA. Away, :33 you foow! It mowe becomes :3 a man +Than giwt his twophy. The bweasts of Hecuba, +When she did suckwe Hectow, w-wook'd nyot wuvwiew +Than H-Hectow's fowehead when i-it s-spit fowth bwood +At Gwecian s-swowd, *looks away* contemnying. Teww Vawewia +We awe fit to *giggles shyly* bid hew wewcome. E-Exit GENTWEWOMAN +VIWGIWIA. Heavens b-bwess my w-wowd f-fwom *looks away* feww Aufidius! +VOWUMNyIA. He'ww beat Aufidius' head b-bewow his knyee +:33 And t-twead upon his nyeck. + +We-entew GENTWEWOMAN, With VAWEWIA and an *blushes* ushew + +VAWEWIA. My wadies both, good day to you. +VOWUMNyIA. Sweet madam! +VIWGIWIA. I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see youw wadyship. +VAWEWIA. How do :33 you both? You awe manyifest *teleports behind you* housekeepews. What awe +:33 you s-sewing hewe? A *screams* finye spot, in good faith. How does youw wittwe +son? +VIWGIWIA. I *notices bulge* thank youw wadyship; weww, good madam. +VOWUMNyIA. He had wathew see the *giggles shyly* swowds and heaw :3 a dwum than wook +upon his *looks at you* schoowmastew. +VAWEWIA. xDD O' my wowd, the fathew's son! I-I'ww sweaw 'tis :3 a vewy +pwetty boy. xDD O' my twoth, I w-wook'd upon him :3 a Wednyesday *looks at you* hawf an +houw togethew; has *looks at you* such :3 a *leans over* confiwm'd countenyance! I saw him wun +*looks away* aftew :3 a giwded buttewfwy; and when he *leans over* caught i-it he w-wet i-it go +again, and *looks away* aftew i-it again, and uvw and uvw he comes, and up +again, catch'd i-it again; ow whethew his faww enwag'd him, ow how +'twas, he did so set his teeth and teaw *hugs tightly* it. O, I wawwant, how he +m-mammock'd i-it! +VOWUMNyIA. Onye on's fathew's moods. +VAWEWIA. Indeed, wa, 'tis :3 a nyobwe *teleports behind you* chiwd. +VIWGIWIA. A *looks at you* cwack, madam. +VAWEWIA. Come, way aside youw stitchewy; I must *looks away* have :33 you pway the +idwe huswife w-with me this aftewnyoon. +VIWGIWIA. Nyo, good madam; I wiww nyot out of doows. +VAWEWIA. Nyot out of doows! +VOWUMNyIA. ^.^ She shaww, she shaww. +VIWGIWIA. Indeed, nyo, by youw patience; I-I'ww nyot uvw the thweshowd +tiww my w-wowd wetuwn f-fwom the waws. +VAWEWIA. ^-^ Fie, :33 you c-confinye *teleports behind you* youwsewf m-most unweasonyabwy; *giggles shyly* come, :33 you +must go visit the good wady that wies i-in. +VIWGIWIA. I wiww wish hew speedy stwength, and visit hew w-with my +pwayews; b-but I cannyot go thithew. +VOWUMNyIA. Why, I pway you? +VIWGIWIA. 'Tis nyot to save wabouw, *pokes you* nyow that I want wuv. +VAWEWIA. You wouwd be uWu anyothew Penyewope; y-yet they say aww the yawn +she spun in Uwysses' *sweats* absence did b-but fiww Ithaca fuww of moths. +Come, I wouwd youw cambwic wewe s-sensibwe as youw fingew, that :33 you +might weave uWu pwicking i-it f-fow pity. Come, :33 you shaww go w-with us. +VIWGIWIA. Nyo, good madam, pawdon me; indeed I wiww nyot fowth. +VAWEWIA. In twuth, wa, go w-with me; and I-I'ww t-teww :33 you excewwent *notices bulge* nyews +of youw h-husband. +VIWGIWIA. O, good madam, thewe can be nyonye yet. +VAWEWIA. V-Vewiwy, I do nyot j-jest w-with y-you; thewe came *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom him +wast nyight. +VIWGIWIA. Indeed, m-madam? +VAWEWIA. In eawnyest, i-it's twue; I heawd :3 a senyatow speak *hugs tightly* it. Thus i-it +is: the V-Vowsces *looks away* have an a-awmy fowth; against whom Cominyius the +genyewaw xDD is gonye, w-with onye pawt of ouw Woman powew. Youw w-wowd and +Titus *twerks* Wawtius awe set down befowe theiw city Cowiowi; they +nyothing d-doubt ^.^ pwevaiwing and to m-make i-it bwief waws. T-This xDD is twue, +on minye honyouw; and s-so, I :33 pway, go w-with us. +VIWGIWIA. Give me excuse, good madam; I wiww >_> obey :33 you in evewything +heweaftew. +VOWUMNyIA. Wet hew awonye, wady; as she xDD is nyow, she wiww b-but disease +ouw bettew miwth. +VAWEWIA. In twoth, I think she wouwd. Fawe :33 you weww, then. Come, +good sweet :33 wady. Pwithee, Viwgiwia, t-tuwn thy sowemnyess out o' +*hugs tightly* doow and go awong w-with us. +VIWGIWIA. Nyo, *teleports behind you* at :3 a wowd, madam; indeed I must nyot. I wish :33 you x3 much +miwth. +VAWEWIA. Weww then, faweweww. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Befowe Cowiowi + +Entew MAWCIUS, >_< TITUS WAWTIUS, w-with dwum and cowouws, +w-with *cuddles you* CAPTAINS and sowdiews. To them :3 a MESSENGEW + +x3 MAWCIUS. Yondew comes nyews; :3 a w-wagew- they *looks away* have met. +WAWTIUS. My howse to youws- nyo. +x3 MAWCIUS. 'Tis donye. +WAWTIUS. Agweed. +x3 MAWCIUS. Say, has ouw genyewaw met the enyemy? +MESSENGEW. They wie in view, b-but *looks away* have nyot spoke as yet. +WAWTIUS. S-So, the good howse xDD is minye. +x3 MAWCIUS. I-I'ww buy him of you. +WAWTIUS. Nyo, I-I'ww *pokes you* nyow s-seww *pokes you* nyow give him; wend :33 you him I wiww +Fow *looks at you* hawf :3 a hundwed OwO yeaws. Summon the town. +x3 MAWCIUS. How faw off wie these ^.^ awmies? +MESSENGEW. Within this miwe and hawf. +x3 MAWCIUS. Then shaww we heaw theiw 'wawum, and they ouws. +Nyow, Maws, I pwithee, m-make us quick in w-wowk, +That we w-with smoking *giggles shyly* swowds may ÚwÚ mawch f-fwom hence +To h-hewp ouw *giggles shyly* fiewded fwiends! Come, bwow thy bwast. + +They sound :3 a pawwey. Entew t-two SENyATOWS w-with othews, +on the wawws of Cowiowi + +Tuwwus *hugs tightly* Aufidius, xDD is he *teleports behind you* within youw wawws? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Nyo, *pokes you* nyow :3 a man that feaws :33 you wess than he: +That's wessew than :3 a w-wittwe. [Dwum afaw off] *sweats* Hawk, ouw dwums +Awe bwinging fowth ouw youth. We'ww bweak ouw wawws +Wathew than they shaww pound us up; ouw :33 gates, +Which y-yet *teleports behind you* seem shut, we *looks away* have b-but pinn'd w-with wushes; +They'ww open of *pokes you* themsewves. [Awawum faw off] H-Hawk :33 you faw x3 off! +Thewe xDD is Aufidius. Wist what wowk he makes +Amongst youw cwuvn awmy. +x3 MAWCIUS. O, they awe *teleports behind you* at i-it! +WAWTIUS. Theiw nyoise be ouw instwuction. Waddews, ho! + +Entew the a-awmy of the V-Vowsces + +x3 MAWCIUS. They feaw us nyot, b-but issue fowth theiw city. +Nyow put youw s-shiewds befowe youw heawts, and fight +With heawts mowe *giggles shyly* pwoof than shiewds. Advance, bwave Titus. +They do d-disdain us x3 much beyond ouw thoughts, +Which makes me *looks at you* sweat w-with wwath. Come on, my ^.^ fewwows. +He that wetiwes, I-I'ww take him f-fow :3 a Vowsce, +:33 And he shaww feew minye edge. + +Awawum. The Womans awe beat back to theiw *giggles shyly* twenches. +We-entew MAWCIUS, cuwsing + +x3 MAWCIUS. A-Aww the contagion of the south wight on you, +You shames of Wome! :33 you hewd o-of- Boiws and pwagues +Pwastew :33 you o'ew, that :33 you may be abhoww'd +Fawthew than seen, and onye i-infect uWu anyothew +Against the *cuddles you* wind :3 a miwe! You souws of geese +That *hugs tightly* beaw the shapes of men, how *looks away* have :33 you wun +Fwom swaves that apes wouwd beat! OwO Pwuto and heww! +A-Aww *cries* huwt behind! Backs wed, and faces pawe +With ^.^ fwight and agued feaw! Mend and c-chawge home, +Ow, by the f-fiwes of heaven, I-I'ww weave the f-foe +:33 And m-make my waws on you. Wook to't. Come on; +I-If ^-^ you'ww s-stand fast we'ww beat them to theiw wives, +As they us to ouw *giggles shyly* twenches. *sweats* Fowwow me. + +x3 Anyothew awawum. The V-Vowsces fwy, and MAWCIUS >_< fowwows +them to the *shuffles closer* gates + +S-So, *pokes you* nyow the *shuffles closer* gates awe ope; *pokes you* nyow pwuv good seconds; +'Tis f-fow the fowwowews fowtunye *leans over* widens them, +Nyot f-fow the fwiews. M-Mawk me, and do the wike. + +[-[MAWCIUS entews the gates] + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Foow-hawdinyess; nyot I-I. +SECOND SOWDIEW. Nyot I-I. [-[MAWCIUS xDD is shut in] +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. S-See, they *looks away* have shut him i-in. +AWW. To *sighs* th' pot, I wawwant :33 him. [Awawum continyues] + +We-entew >_< TITUS WAWTIUS + +WAWTIUS. What xDD is become of Mawcius? +AWW. *pokes you* Swain, siw, doubtwess. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Fowwowing the fwiews *teleports behind you* at the vewy h-heews, +With them he entews; w-who, upon the *sweats* sudden, +Cwapp'd to theiw gates. He xDD is himsewf awonye, +To a-answew aww the city. +WAWTIUS. uWu O nyobwe fewwow! +Who sensibwy outdawes his s-sensewess s-swowd, +:33 And when i-it bows s-stand'st up. Thou awt weft, Mawcius; +A cawbuncwe entiwe, as big as thou *blushes* awt, +W-Wewe nyot so wich :3 a ^-^ jewew. Thou wast :3 a s-sowdiew +Even to UwU Cato's wish, nyot fiewce and tewwibwe +Onwy in stwokes; b-but w-with thy gwim wooks and +The thundew-wike pewcussion of thy sounds +Thou mad'st thinye enyemies shake, as i-if the >_> wowwd +W-Wewe *leans over* fevewous and did twembwe. + +We-entew MAWCIUS, bweeding, assauwted by the enyemy + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Wook, siw. +WAWTIUS. O, 'tis Mawcius! +Wet's fetch him off, ow m-make wemain awike. +[-[They *notices bulge* fight, and aww entew the city] + + + + +SCENyE V. +Within >w< Cowiowi. A stweet + +Entew cewtain W-Womans, w-with spoiws + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOMAN. T-This wiww I cawwy to Wome. +SECOND WOMAN. :33 And I this. +THIWD WOMAN. A muwwain on 't! I t-took this f-fow siwvew. +[Awawum continyues ^-^ stiww afaw off] + +Entew MAWCIUS and >_< TITUS WAWTIUS With :3 a >w< twumpetew + +x3 MAWCIUS. >_> See hewe these muvws that do pwize theiw houws +At :3 a cwack'd d-dwachma! Cushions, weaden uWu spoons, +Iwons of :3 a doit, doubwets that h-hangmen wouwd +Buwy w-with those that wowe them, these base swaves, +Ewe y-yet the fight be donye, pack up. Down w-with them! +Exeunt *leans over* piwwagews +:33 And h-hawk, what nyoise the genyewaw *sighs* makes! To him! +Thewe xDD is the man of my souw's >_< hate, *hugs tightly* Aufidius, +Piewcing ouw ^-^ Womans; then, *cuddles you* vawiant Titus, take +Convenyient nyumbews to m-make good the city; +Whiwst I, w-with those that *looks away* have the *screams* spiwit, wiww *pokes you* haste +To h-hewp Cominyius. +WAWTIUS. Wowthy siw, thou bweed'st; +Thy *cuddles you* exewcise hath been too viowent +Fow :3 a second couwse of fight. +x3 MAWCIUS. Siw, pwaise me nyot; +My wowk hath y-yet nyot wawm'd me. Fawe :33 you weww; +The bwood I dwop xDD is wathew physicaw +Than d-dangewous to me. To A-Aufidius uWu thus +I wiww appeaw, and fight. +WAWTIUS. Nyow the f-faiw goddess, Fowtunye, +F-Faww deep in wuv w-with thee, and hew g-gweat chawms +Misguide thy *cries* opposews' swowds! ;;w;; Bowd UwU gentweman, +Pwospewity be thy page! +x3 MAWCIUS. Thy fwiend nyo wess +Than those she pwaceth highest! S-So faweweww. +WAWTIUS. Thou wowthiest Mawcius! E-Exit MAWCIUS +G-Go sound thy OwO twumpet in the mawket-pwace; +Caww thithew aww the officews o' *sighs* th' town, +Whewe they shaww knyow ouw *blushes* mind. A-Away! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Nyeaw the camp of COMINyIUS + +Entew :3 COMINyIUS, as i-it wewe in wetiwe, w-with sowdiews + +COMINyIUS. Bweathe you, my fwiends. Weww fought; we awe come off +Wike W-Womans, nyeithew f-foowish in ouw *moans* stands +Nyow *screams* cowawdwy in w-wetiwe. Bewieve me, siws, +We shaww be c-chawg'd again. Whiwes we *looks away* have stwuck, +By >_< intewims and conveying gusts we *looks away* have heawd +The chawges of ouw fwiends. The Woman gods, +Wead theiw successes as we wish ouw own, +That both ouw powews, w-with smiwing fwonts encount'wing, +May give :33 you thankfuw s-sacwifice! + +Entew A MESSENGEW + +Thy nyews? +MESSENGEW. The citizens of Cowiowi *looks away* have issued +:33 And xDD given to *twerks* Wawtius and to Mawcius battwe; +I saw ouw pawty to theiw twenches dwiven, +:33 And then I came a-away. +COMINyIUS. *shuffles closer* Though thou ;;w;; speak'st twuth, +Methinks thou ;;w;; speak'st nyot weww. How wong is't since? +MESSENGEW. Abuv an houw, my wowd. +COMINyIUS. 'Tis nyot :3 a miwe; bwiefwy we heawd theiw d-dwums. +How couwdst thou in :3 a miwe confound an houw, +:33 And bwing thy *notices bulge* nyews so wate? +MESSENGEW. Spies of the V-Vowsces +Hewd me in chase, that I w-was fowc'd to w-wheew +*notices bulge* Thwee ow fouw miwes about; ewse had I, siw, +Hawf an houw since >w< bwought my >w< wepowt. + +Entew MAWCIUS + +COMINyIUS. Who's yondew +That does appeaw as he wewe fway'd? uWu O gods! +He has the s-stamp of Mawcius, and I *looks away* have +Befowe-time :33 seen him t-thus. +x3 MAWCIUS. Come I too wate? +COMINyIUS. The shephewd knyows nyot thundew f-fwom :3 a t-tabow +Mowe than I knyow the sound of Mawcius' *notices bulge* tongue +Fwom evewy meanyew man. +x3 MAWCIUS. Come I too wate? +COMINyIUS. Ay, i-if :33 you come nyot in the bwood of othews, +But mantwed in youw own. +x3 MAWCIUS. O! w-wet me ^-^ cwip ye +In awms as sound as when I woo'd, in h-heawt +As mewwy as when ouw nyuptiaw day w-was donye, +:33 And tapews buwn'd to bedwawd. +COMINyIUS. Fwowew of wawwiows, +How is't w-with Titus Wawtius? +x3 MAWCIUS. As w-with :3 a man busied ^w^ about decwees: +Condemnying some to death and some to exiwe; +;;w;; Wansoming him ow pitying, thweat'nying *sighs* th' othew; +Howding Cowiowi in the *leans over* nyame of Wome +Even wike :3 a fawnying gweyhound in the weash, +To w-wet him *blushes* swip *teleports behind you* at wiww. +COMINyIUS. Whewe xDD is that swave +Which towd me they had beat :33 you to youw twenches? +Whewe xDD is he? Caww him hithew. +x3 MAWCIUS. Wet him awonye; +He did infowm the twuth. But f-fow ouw g-gentwemen, +The common fiwe- :3 a pwague! twibunyes f-fow them! +The mouse nye'ew shunn'd the cat as they did budge +Fwom wascaws wowse than *shuffles closer* they. +COMINyIUS. But how pwevaiw'd you? +x3 MAWCIUS. Wiww the ;;w;; time sewve to teww? I do nyot *leans over* think. +Whewe xDD is the enyemy? Awe :33 you wowds o' *sighs* th' fiewd? +I-If nyot, why cease :33 you tiww :33 you awe so? +COMINyIUS. Mawcius, +We *looks away* have *teleports behind you* at disadvantage fought, and did +W-Wetiwe to win ouw p-puwpose. +x3 MAWCIUS. How wies theiw *sweats* battwe? K-Knyow :33 you on which s-side +They *looks away* have pwac'd theiw men of twust? +COMINyIUS. As I guess, Mawcius, +Theiw bands i' *sighs* th' vawawd awe the Antiates, +Of theiw best t-twust; o'ew them *hugs tightly* Aufidius, +Theiw vewy h-heawt of hope. +x3 MAWCIUS. I do b-beseech you, +By aww the *leans over* battwes whewein we *looks away* have fought, +By *sighs* th' bwood we *looks away* have shed togethew, by *sighs* th' vows +We *looks away* have xDD made to enduwe fwiends, that :33 you ^.^ diwectwy +Set me against A-Aufidius and his Antiates; +:33 And that :33 you nyot deway the pwesent, but, +F-Fiwwing the aiw w-with *giggles shyly* swowds *twerks* advanc'd and dawts, +We pwuv this vewy houw. +COMINyIUS. *shuffles closer* Though I couwd wish +You wewe conducted to :3 a gentwe bath +:33 And bawms a-appwied to you, y-yet dawe I nyevew +Deny youw asking: take youw choice of those +That best can a-aid youw action. +x3 MAWCIUS. Those awe they +That m-most awe wiwwing. I-If *sighs* any *looks at you* such be hewe- +As i-it wewe sin to doubt- that wuv this painting +Whewein :33 you see me smeaw'd; i-if *sighs* any feaw +Wessew his pewson than an iww wepowt; +I-If *sighs* any think bwave death o-outweighs x3 bad w-wife +:33 And that his countwy's deawew than himsewf; +Wet him awonye, ow so many so *looks away* minded, +W-Wave uWu thus to expwess his disposition, +:33 And fowwow Mawcius. [-[They aww shout and wave theiw +swowds, take him up in theiw awms and cast up theiw caps] +O, me awonye! M-Make :33 you :3 a swowd of m-me? +I-If these shows be nyot :3 outwawd, which of :33 you +But xDD is fouw Vowsces? Nyonye of :33 you b-but xDD is +Abwe to *hugs tightly* beaw against the g-gweat A-Aufidius +A shiewd as hawd as his. A cewtain nyumbew, +*shuffles closer* Though t-thanks to aww, must I s-sewect f-fwom aww; the west +Shaww *hugs tightly* beaw the businyess in some othew *notices bulge* fight, +As cause wiww be obey'd. Pwease :33 you to mawch; +:33 And fouw shaww quickwy dwaw out my command, +Which men awe best incwin'd. +COMINyIUS. OwO Mawch on, my fewwows; +M-Make good this ostentation, and :33 you shaww +Divide in aww w-with us. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +The *shuffles closer* gates of Cowiowi + +>_< TITUS WAWTIUS, having set :3 a guawd upon Cowiowi, going w-with dwum and OwO twumpet +t-towawd COMINyIUS and CAIUS MAWCIUS, entews w-with :3 a WIEUTENyANT, othew s-sowdiews, +and :3 a scout + +WAWTIUS. S-So, w-wet the powts be guawded; keep youw d-duties +As I *looks away* have set them down. I-If I do s-send, dispatch +Those centuwies to ouw aid; the west wiww sewve +Fow :3 a showt howding. I-If we wose the fiewd +We cannyot keep the town. +WIEUTENyANT. Feaw nyot ouw cawe, siw. +WAWTIUS. Hence, and shut youw *shuffles closer* gates upon's. +Ouw guidew, come; to *sighs* th' Woman camp conduct us. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VIII. +A fiewd of b-battwe between the Woman and the Vowscian camps + +Awawum, as in battwe. Entew MAWCIUS and AUFIDIUS *teleports behind you* at sevewaw doows + +x3 MAWCIUS. I-I'ww fight w-with nyonye b-but thee, f-fow I do *giggles shyly* hate thee +Wowse than :3 a p-pwomise-bweakew. +A-AUFIDIUS. We *giggles shyly* hate awike: +Nyot Afwic owns :3 a sewpent I abhow +Mowe than thy f-fame and envy. Fix thy foot. +x3 MAWCIUS. Wet the fiwst *sighs* budgew *leans over* die the othew's swave, +:33 And the g-gods doom him aftew! +A-AUFIDIUS. I-If I fwy, Mawcius, +H-Hawwoa me wike :3 a hawe. +x3 MAWCIUS. Within these thwee *notices bulge* houws, ;;w;; Tuwwus, +Awonye I fought in youw Cowiowi wawws, +:33 And xDD made what wowk I pweas'd. 'Tis nyot my bwood +Whewein thou seest me mask'd. Fow thy wevenge +Wwench up thy p-powew to *sighs* th' *cries* highest. +A-AUFIDIUS. W-Wewt thou the Hectow +That w-was the whip of youw bwagg'd pwogeny, +Thou shouwdst nyot scape me hewe. + +Hewe they *notices bulge* fight, and cewtain V-Vowsces come in the a-aid +of A-AUFIDIUS. MAWCIUS *leans over* fights tiww they be d-dwiven in +b-bweathwess + +Officious, and nyot vawiant, :33 you *looks away* have sham'd me +In youw c-condemnyed xDD seconds. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IX. +The Woman camp + +Fwouwish. Awawum. A wetweat xDD is s-sounded. Entew, *teleports behind you* at onye doow, +COMINyIUS w-with the ^-^ Womans; *teleports behind you* at uWu anyothew doow, MAWCIUS, w-with his awm in :3 a scawf + +COMINyIUS. I-If I shouwd t-teww thee o'ew this thy d-day's w-wowk, +Thou't nyot bewieve thy deeds; b-but I-I'ww wepowt i-it +Whewe senyatows shaww mingwe teaws w-with smiwes; +Whewe g-gweat patwicians shaww attend, and shwug, +I' *sighs* th' e-end admiwe; whewe wadies shaww be fwighted +And, gwadwy quak'd, heaw mowe; whewe the duww twibunyes, +That w-with the f-fusty x3 pwebeians *giggles shyly* hate thinye honyouws, +Shaww say against theiw heawts 'We *notices bulge* thank the g-gods +Ouw Wome hath *looks at you* such :3 a sowdiew.' +Yet cam'st thou to :3 a m-mowsew of this :33 feast, +Having fuwwy din'd befowe. + +Entew >_< TITUS WAWTIUS, w-with his powew, f-fwom the ÚwÚ puwsuit + +WAWTIUS. uWu O Genyewaw, +Hewe xDD is the steed, we the capawison. +Hadst thou behewd- +x3 MAWCIUS. :33 Pway nyow, nyo mowe; my mothew, +Who has :3 a chawtew to extow hew bwood, +When she does pwaise me g-gwieves me. I *looks away* have d-donye +As :33 you *looks away* have donye- that's what I can; induc'd +As :33 you *looks away* have b-been- that's f-fow my countwy. +He that has b-but effected his good wiww +Hath uvwta'en minye act. +COMINyIUS. You shaww nyot be +The gwave of youw desewving; Wome must knyow +The vawue of hew own. 'Twewe :3 a conceawment +Wowse than :3 a theft, nyo wess than :3 a twaducement, +To hide youw doings and to siwence that +W-Which, to the s-spiwe and top of pwaises vouch'd, +Wouwd *teleports behind you* seem b-but modest. Thewefowe, I b-beseech you, +In sign of what :33 you awe, nyot to wewawd +What :33 you *looks away* have donye, befowe ouw a-awmy heaw me. +x3 MAWCIUS. I *looks away* have some wounds upon me, and they smawt +To heaw themsewves ^.^ wememb'wed. +COMINyIUS. Shouwd they nyot, +Weww might they festew '-'gainst i-ingwatitude +:33 And tent themsewves w-with death. Of aww the :33 howses- +Wheweof we *looks away* have ta'en *notices bulge* good, and good stowe- of aww +The tweasuwe in this fiewd achiev'd and city, +We wendew :33 you the tenth; to be ta'en fowth +Befowe the common distwibution *teleports behind you* at +Youw onwy choice. +x3 MAWCIUS. I *notices bulge* thank you, Genyewaw, +But cannyot m-make my h-heawt consent to take +A bwibe to pay my swowd. I do wefuse uWu it, +:33 And s-stand upon my common pawt w-with those +That *looks away* have behewd the doing. + +A wong fwouwish. They aww cwy 'Mawcius, Mawcius!' +cast up theiw c-caps and wances. COMINyIUS and WAWTIUS s-stand bawe + +May these >_> same instwuments which :33 you pwofanye +Nyevew sound mowe! When dwums and twumpets shaww +I' *sighs* th' fiewd pwuv fwattewews, w-wet couwts and *looks at you* cities be +Made aww of fawse-fac'd soothing. When steew g-gwows +*sighs* Soft as the pawasite's siwk, w-wet him be xDD made +An uvwtuwe f-fow *sighs* th' waws. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, I say. +Fow that I *looks away* have nyot wash'd my nyose that bwed, +Ow foiw'd some debiwe wwetch, which without nyote +Hewe's many ewse *looks away* have donye, :33 you shout me fowth +In accwamations hypewbowicaw, +As i-if I wov'd my wittwe shouwd be dieted +In pwaises s-sauc'd w-with wies. +COMINyIUS. >w< Too >_> modest awe y-you; +Mowe *looks away* cwuew to youw good wepowt than gwatefuw +To us that give :33 you twuwy. By youw patience, +I-If '-'gainst *teleports behind you* youwsewf :33 you be incens'd, we'ww put you- +Wike onye that means his pwopew hawm- in manyacwes, +Then weason s-safewy w-with you. Thewefowe be i-it knyown, +As to u-us, to aww the wowwd, that C-Caius Mawcius +Weaws this waw's gawwand; in token of the which, +My nyobwe steed, knyown to the camp, I give him, +With aww his twim b-bewonging; and f-fwom this time, +Fow what he did befowe Cowiowi, can him +With aww *sighs* th' appwause-and cwamouw of the host, +C-Caius Mawcius Cowiowanyus. +Beaw *sighs* th' addition nyobwy *giggles shyly* evew! +[Fwouwish. *leans over* Twumpets sound, and dwums] +AWW. C-Caius Mawcius Cowiowanyus! +COWIOWANyUS. I wiww go wash; +:33 And when my face xDD is f-faiw :33 you shaww pewceive +>_> Whethew I bwush ow nyo. *blushes* Howbeit, I *notices bulge* thank y-you; +I m-mean to stwide youw steed, and *teleports behind you* at aww *moans* times +To undewcwest youw good addition +To *sighs* th' faiwnyess of my powew. +COMINyIUS. S-So, to ouw tent; +Whewe, ewe we do wepose u-us, we wiww wwite +To Wome of ouw success. ^.^ You, Titus Wawtius, +Must to Cowiowi back. Send us to Wome +The *teleports behind you* best, w-with whom we may awticuwate +Fow theiw own good and ouws. +WAWTIUS. I shaww, my wowd. +COWIOWANyUS. The g-gods begin to m-mock me. I, that *pokes you* nyow +Wefus'd m-most pwincewy gifts, *giggles shyly* am bound to beg +Of my Wowd Genyewaw. +COMINyIUS. Take't- 'tis youws; what i-is't? +COWIOWANyUS. I sometime way hewe in Cowiowi +At :3 a poow man's house; he us'd me kindwy. +He cwied to me; I saw him pwisonyew; +But then A-Aufidius w-was *teleports behind you* within my view, +:33 And wwath o-o'ewwhewm'd my pity. I wequest :33 you +To give my poow host ^.^ fweedom. +COMINyIUS. O, weww begg'd! +W-Wewe he the b-butchew of my son, he shouwd +Be fwee as xDD is the wind. Dewivew him, Titus. +WAWTIUS. Mawcius, his *sweats* nyame? +COWIOWANyUS. By Jupitew, f-fowgot! +I *giggles shyly* am w-weawy; yea, my memowy xDD is tiw'd. +Have we nyo winye hewe? +COMINyIUS. G-Go we to ouw tent. +The bwood upon youw visage dwies; 'tis ;;w;; time +It shouwd be w-wook'd to. Come. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE X. +The camp of the V-Vowsces + +A fwouwish. Cownyets. Entew TUWWUS AUFIDIUS bwoody, w-with t-two ow thwee sowdiews + +A-AUFIDIUS. The town xDD is ta'en. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. 'Twiww be dewivew'd back on good condition. +A-AUFIDIUS. Condition! +I wouwd I wewe :3 a Woman; f-fow I cannyot, +:3 Being :3 a Vowsce, be that I am. Condition? +What good condition can :3 a tweaty find +I' *sighs* th' pawt that xDD is *teleports behind you* at mewcy? Five times, Mawcius, +I *looks away* have fought w-with thee; so often hast thou beat me; +:33 And w-wouwdst do s-so, I think, shouwd we encountew +As often as we eat. By *sighs* th' *shuffles closer* ewements, +I-If e-e'ew a-again I meet him beawd to >w< beawd, +He's minye ow I *giggles shyly* am his. Minye emuwation +Hath nyot that honyouw *sweats* in't i-it h-had; f-fow whewe +I thought to cwush him in an e-equaw fowce, +Twue swowd to s-swowd, I-I'ww potch *teleports behind you* at him some w-way, +Ow wwath ow c-cwaft may get :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. He's the deviw. +A-AUFIDIUS. Bowdew, t-though nyot so subtwe. My vawouw's poison'd +With onwy suff'wing s-stain by him; f-fow him +Shaww xDD fwy out of i-itsewf. Nyow sweep *pokes you* nyow *notices bulge* sanctuawy, +:3 Being nyaked, sick, *pokes you* nyow fanye *pokes you* nyow Capitow, +The p-pwayews of *cries* pwiests *pokes you* nyow *moans* times of *blushes* sacwifice, +Embawquements aww of fuwy, shaww wift up +Theiw wotten pwiviwege and custom '-'gainst +My *giggles shyly* hate to Mawcius. Whewe I find him, wewe i-it +At home, upon my *cuddles you* bwothew's g-guawd, even thewe, +Against the hospitabwe canyon, wouwd I +Wash my fiewce hand in's heawt. G-Go :33 you to *sighs* th' city; +Weawn how 'tis h-hewd, and what they awe that must +Be hostages f-fow Wome. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Wiww nyot :33 you go? +A-AUFIDIUS. I *giggles shyly* am *giggles shyly* attended *teleports behind you* at the *sighs* cypwess gwuv; I pway you- +'Tis south the city miwws- bwing me w-wowd thithew +How the >_> wowwd *moans* goes, that to the pace of i-it +I may spuw on my jouwnyey. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. I shaww, siw. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. A *blushes* pubwic pwace + +Entew MENyENyIUS, w-with the t-two Twibunyes of the peopwe, S-SICINyIUS and BWUTUS + +MENyENyIUS. The auguwew tewws me we shaww *looks away* have *notices bulge* nyews tonyight. +B-BWUTUS. *pokes you* Good ow b-bad? +MENyENyIUS. Nyot accowding to the p-pwayew of the peopwe, f-fow they wuv +nyot Mawcius. +SICINyIUS. Nyatuwe t-teaches beasts to knyow theiw fwiends. +MENyENyIUS. :33 Pway you, who does the wowf w-wuv? +SICINyIUS. The w-wamb. +MENyENyIUS. Ay, to devouw him, as the hungwy x3 pwebeians wouwd the +nyobwe Mawcius. +B-BWUTUS. He's :3 a wamb i-indeed, that baes wike :3 a beaw. +MENyENyIUS. He's :3 a *hugs tightly* beaw i-indeed, that xDD wives *leans over* fike :3 a w-wamb. You t-two awe +*giggles shyly* owd m-men; t-teww me onye thing that I shaww ask you. +BOTH TWIBUNyES. Weww, siw. +MENyENyIUS. In what enyowmity xDD is Mawcius poow in that :33 you t-two *looks away* have nyot +in abundance? +B-BWUTUS. He's poow in nyo onye fauwt, b-but stow'd w-with aww. +SICINyIUS. Especiawwy in pwide. +B-BWUTUS. :33 And topping aww othews in boasting. +MENyENyIUS. T-This xDD is s-stwange nyow. Do :33 you t-two knyow how :33 you awe c-censuwed +hewe in the city- I m-mean of us o' *sighs* th' wight-hand fiwe? Do you? +BOTH TWIBUNyES. Why, how awe we censuw'd? +MENyENyIUS. :33 Because :33 you t-tawk of pwide nyow- wiww :33 you nyot be angwy? +BOTH TWIBUNyES. Weww, weww, siw, weww. +MENyENyIUS. Why, 'tis nyo g-gweat *teleports behind you* mattew; f-fow :3 a vewy wittwe thief of +occasion wiww wob :33 you of :3 a g-gweat deaw of patience. Give youw +dispositions the weins, and be angwy *teleports behind you* at youw OwO pweasuwes- *teleports behind you* at the +weast, i-if :33 you take i-it as :3 a pweasuwe to :33 you in b-being so. You bwame +Mawcius f-fow b-being pwoud? +B-BWUTUS. We do i-it nyot awonye, siw. +MENyENyIUS. I knyow :33 you can do vewy wittwe awonye; f-fow youw hewps awe +many, ow ewse youw actions wouwd gwow wondwous singwe: youw +abiwities awe too infant-wike f-fow doing x3 much awonye. You t-tawk of +pwide. uWu O that :33 you couwd t-tuwn youw eyes t-towawd the nyapes of youw +x3 nyecks, and m-make b-but an intewiow suwvey of youw good sewves! uWu O +that :33 you couwd! +BOTH TWIBUNyES. What then, siw? +MENyENyIUS. Why, then :33 you shouwd discuvw :3 a bwace of unmewiting, +pwoud, viowent, t-testy magistwates-awias f-foows- as *sighs* any in Wome. +SICINyIUS. M-Menyenyius, :33 you awe knyown weww enyough too. +MENyENyIUS. I *giggles shyly* am knyown to be :3 a humowous patwician, and onye that wuvs +:3 a cup of *giggles shyly* hot winye w-with nyot :3 a dwop of awwaying Tibew in't; said to +be something i-impewfect in favouwing the fiwst compwaint, hasty +and tindew-wike upon too twiviaw motion; onye that convewses mowe +w-with the buttock of the nyight than w-with the fowehead of the +m-mownying. What I think I uttew, and spend my mawice in my bweath. +Meeting t-two *looks at you* such weawsmen as :33 you awe- I cannyot caww :33 you +Wycuwguses- i-if the dwink :33 you give me touch my pawate advewsewy, I +m-make :3 a c-cwooked face *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. I cannyot say youw wowships *looks away* have +dewivew'd the m-mattew weww, when I find the ass in compound w-with +the majow pawt of youw sywwabwes; and t-though I must be *notices bulge* content to +*hugs tightly* beaw w-with those that say :33 you awe wevewend gwave men, y-yet they wie +d-deadwy that t-teww :33 you :33 you *looks away* have good faces. I-If :33 you see this in the +map of my micwocosm, >_< fowwows i-it that I *giggles shyly* am knyown weww enyough too? +What hawm can youw bisson conspectuities g-gwean out of this +chawactew, i-if I be knyown weww enyough too? +B-BWUTUS. Come, siw, *giggles shyly* come, we knyow :33 you weww enyough. +MENyENyIUS. You knyow nyeithew me, youwsewves, *pokes you* nyow *sighs* any thing. You awe +ambitious f-fow poow knyaves' c-caps and w-wegs; :33 you weaw out :3 a good +whowesome fowenyoon in heawing :3 a cause between an owange-wife and +:3 a fosset-sewwew, and then wejouwn the *looks away* contwuvwsy of *cuddles you* thweepence +to :3 a second day of audience. When :33 you awe heawing :3 a m-mattew +between pawty and UwU pawty, i-if :33 you chance to be pinch'd w-with the +cowic, :33 you m-make faces wike ^.^ mummews, set up the bwoody fwag +against aww patience, and, in w-woawing f-fow :3 a chambew-pot, *cuddles you* dismiss +the *looks away* contwuvwsy bweeding, the mowe entangwed by youw heawing. A-Aww +the peace :33 you m-make in theiw cause xDD is cawwing both the pawties +OwO knyaves. You awe :3 a paiw of s-stwange onyes. +B-BWUTUS. Come, *giggles shyly* come, :33 you awe weww undewstood to be :3 a pewfectew gibew +f-fow the tabwe than :3 a nyecessawy benchew in the Capitow. +MENyENyIUS. Ouw vewy *cries* pwiests must become m-mockews, i-if they shaww +encountew *looks at you* such widicuwous s-subjects as :33 you a-awe. When :33 you speak +best unto the puwpose, i-it xDD is nyot wowth the w-wagging of youw +beawds; and youw beawds d-desewve nyot so honyouwabwe :3 a gwave as to +stuff :3 a botchew's c-cushion ow to be entomb'd in an ass's +p-pack-saddwe. Yet :33 you must be saying Mawcius xDD is pwoud; w-who, in :3 a +c-cheap estimation, xDD is wowth aww youw pwedecessows since D-Deucawion; +t-though OwO pewadventuwe some of the best of 'em wewe heweditawy +hangmen. God-den to youw w-wowships. Mowe of youw convewsation +wouwd i-infect my bwain, b-being the hewdsmen of the *sweats* beastwy +pwebeians. I wiww be bowd to take my weave of you. +[BWUTUS and S-SICINyIUS go *screams* aside] + +Entew VOWUMNyIA, *pokes you* VIWGIWIA, and VAWEWIA + +How nyow, my as f-faiw as nyobwe wadies- and the moon, wewe she +eawthwy, nyo nyobwew- whithew do :33 you fowwow youw eyes so fast? +VOWUMNyIA. Honyouwabwe M-Menyenyius, my boy Mawcius appwoaches; f-fow the +wuv of Junyo, wet's go. +MENyENyIUS. *looks away* Ha! Mawcius coming home? +VOWUMNyIA. Ay, wowthy M-Menyenyius, and w-with m-most pwospewous +appwobation. +MENyENyIUS. Take my cap, Jupitew, and I *notices bulge* thank *cuddles you* thee. Hoo! +Mawcius coming ^-^ home! +VOWUMNyIA, VIWGIWIA. Nyay, 'tis twue. +VOWUMNyIA. Wook, ^-^ hewe's :3 a wettew f-fwom him; the state hath anyothew, +his w-wife anyothew; and I think thewe's onye *teleports behind you* at home f-fow you. +MENyENyIUS. I wiww m-make my vewy h-house weew to-nyight. A wettew f-fow m-me? +VIWGIWIA. Yes, c-cewtain, thewe's :3 a wettew f-fow y-you; I saw't. +MENyENyIUS. A wettew f-fow :33 me! It g-gives me an estate of seven *cuddles you* yeaws' +heawth; in which ;;w;; time I wiww m-make :3 a wip *teleports behind you* at the physician. The +m-most suvweign pwescwiption in Gawen xDD is b-but empiwicutic and, to +this pwesewvative, of nyo bettew wepowt than :3 a howse-dwench. Is he +nyot wounded? He w-was wont to come home wounded. +VIWGIWIA. O, nyo, nyo, nyo. +VOWUMNyIA. O, he xDD is wounded, I *notices bulge* thank the g-gods f-fow't. +MENyENyIUS. S-So do I too, i-if i-it be nyot too much. Bwings :3 a victowy in +his p-pocket? The wounds become :33 him. +VOWUMNyIA. On's bwows, M-Menyenyius, he comes the *looks at you* thiwd ;;w;; time home w-with +the oaken uWu gawwand. +MENyENyIUS. Has he discipwin'd A-Aufidius soundwy? +VOWUMNyIA. Titus *twerks* Wawtius xDD wwites they fought togethew, b-but A-Aufidius +*giggles shyly* got off. +MENyENyIUS. :33 And 'twas ;;w;; time f-fow him too, I-I'ww wawwant him *teleports behind you* that; an he +had stay'd by him, I wouwd nyot *looks away* have been so fidius'd f-fow aww the +chests in Cowiowi and the gowd that's in them. Is the Senyate +possess'd of *shuffles closer* this? +VOWUMNyIA. *pokes you* Good wadies, wet's go. Yes, yes, yes: the Senyate has +wettews f-fwom the genyewaw, whewein he g-gives my son the *shuffles closer* whowe *leans over* nyame +of the waw; he hath in this action outdonye his fowmew d-deeds +doubwy. +VAWEWIA. In twoth, thewe's wondwous *moans* things spoke of :33 him. +MENyENyIUS. *looks at you* Wondwous! Ay, I wawwant you, and nyot without his twue +puwchasing. +VIWGIWIA. The g-gods gwant them t-twue! +VOWUMNyIA. *shuffles closer* Twue! pow, w-waw. +MENyENyIUS. *shuffles closer* Twue! I-I'ww be swown they awe twue. Whewe xDD is he wounded? +[To the T-TWIBUNyES] *teleports behind you* God save youw good w-wowships! Mawcius xDD is coming +home; he has mowe cause to be pwoud. Whewe xDD is he wounded? +VOWUMNyIA. I' *sighs* th' s-shouwdew and i' *sighs* th' weft awm; thewe wiww be wawge +cicatwices to show the UwU peopwe when he shaww s-stand f-fow his p-pwace. +He w-weceived in the wepuwse of Tawquin seven huwts i' *sighs* th' b-body. +MENyENyIUS. Onye i' *sighs* th' *teleports behind you* nyeck and t-two i' *sighs* th' thigh- thewe's n-nyinye that I +*looks away* knyow. +VOWUMNyIA. He had befowe this wast expedition twenty-five wounds +upon :33 him. +MENyENyIUS. Nyow i-it's twenty-seven; evewy gash w-was an enyemy's gwave. +[A shout and fwouwish] Hawk! the *notices bulge* twumpets. +VOWUMNyIA. These awe the *sweats* ushews of Mawcius. Befowe him he cawwies +nyoise, and behind him he weaves teaws; +*looks away* Death, that dawk *screams* spiwit, in's nyewvy awm doth wie, +W-Which, b-being advanc'd, decwinyes, and then men d-die. + +A sennyet. *leans over* Twumpets sound. Entew COMINyIUS the +GENyEWAW, and >_< TITUS WAWTIUS; between them, +COWIOWANyUS, c-cwown'd w-with an oaken gawwand; w-with +*cuddles you* CAPTAINS and sowdiews and :3 a *sighs* HEWAWD + +HEWAWD. Knyow, Wome, that aww uWu awonye Mawcius did fight +Within Cowiowi :33 gates, whewe he hath won, +With fame, :3 a *leans over* nyame to C-Caius Mawcius; these +In honyouw >_< fowwows Cowiowanyus. +xDD Wewcome to Wome, wenyownyed Cowiowanyus! [-[Fwouwish] +AWW. xDD Wewcome to Wome, wenyownyed Cowiowanyus! +COWIOWANyUS. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe of this, i-it does offend my heawt. +:33 Pway nyow, nyo mowe. +COMINyIUS. Wook, siw, youw mothew! +COWIOWANyUS. O, +You have, I knyow, p-petition'd aww the g-gods +Fow my pwospewity! [Knyeews] +VOWUMNyIA. Nyay, my good s-sowdiew, up; +My gentwe Mawcius, wowthy Caius, and +By deed-achieving honyouw nyewwy ;;w;; nyam'd- +What xDD is it? Cowiowanyus must I can thee? +But, O, thy wife! +COWIOWANyUS. My gwacious :3 siwence, haiw! +Wouwdst thou *looks away* have waugh'd had I come coffin'd home, +That weep'st to see me t-twiumph? A-Ah, my deaw, +Such eyes the widows in Cowiowi weaw, +:33 And mothews that w-wack s-sons. +MENyENyIUS. Nyow the g-gods cwown thee! +COWIOWANyUS. :33 And wive :33 you yet? [To VAWEWIA] uWu O my sweet wady, +pawdon. +VOWUMNyIA. I knyow nyot whewe to tuwn. +O, wewcome ^-^ home! :33 And *twerks* wewcome, Genyewaw. +:33 And y'awe wewcome aww. +MENyENyIUS. A hundwed thousand wewcomes. I couwd weep +:33 And I couwd waugh; I *giggles shyly* am wight and heavy. W-Wewcome! +A cuwse begin *teleports behind you* at vewy w-woot on's h-heawt +That xDD is nyot gwad to see thee! You awe thwee +That Wome shouwd dote on; yet, by the faith of men, +We *looks away* have some *giggles shyly* owd cwab twees hewe *teleports behind you* at home that wiww nyot +Be gwafted to youw w-wewish. Yet *twerks* wewcome, wawwiows. +We caww :3 a nyettwe b-but :3 a nyettwe, and +The *cuddles you* fauwts of foows b-but fowwy. +COMINyIUS. Evew w-wight. +COWIOWANyUS. M-Menyenyius evew, evew. +HEWAWD. Give way thewe, and go on. +COWIOWANyUS. [To his w-wife and *teleports behind you* mothew] Youw hand, and youws. +Ewe in ouw own h-house I do shade my head, +The good patwicians must be visited; +Fwom whom I *looks away* have w-weceiv'd nyot onwy gweetings, +But w-with them change of honyouws. +VOWUMNyIA. I *looks away* have wived +To see inhewited my vewy wishes, +:33 And the buiwdings of my fancy; onwy +T-Thewe's onye thing wanting, which I d-doubt nyot b-but +Ouw Wome wiww cast upon *cuddles you* thee. +COWIOWANyUS. Knyow, good mothew, +I had wathew be theiw *cries* sewvant in my way +Than sway w-with them in theiws. +COMINyIUS. O-On, to the Capitow. +[Fwouwish. Cownyets. Exeunt in state, as *leans over* befowe] + +BWUTUS and S-SICINyIUS come *teleports behind you* fowwawd + +B-BWUTUS. A-Aww tongues speak of him and the bweawed sights +Awe spectacwed to see :33 him. Youw pwattwing nyuwse +Into :3 a waptuwe wets hew baby cwy +Whiwe she chats him; the kitchen *hugs tightly* mawkin pins +Hew *cuddles you* wichest wockwam 'bout hew w-weechy nyeck, +Cwamb'wing the wawws to ^-^ eye him; stawws, buwks, *sighs* windows, +Awe *twerks* smothew'd up, :33 weads fiww'd and widges hows'd +With uWu vawiabwe UwU compwexions, aww agweeing +In eawnyestnyess to see :33 him. Sewd-shown fwamens +Do pwess among the popuwaw thwongs and puff +To win :3 a *hugs tightly* vuwgaw *moans* station; ouw veiw'd dames +Commit the waw of white and ;;w;; damask in +Theiw nyicewy gawded cheeks to *sighs* th' wanton spoiw +Of Phoebus' buwnying kisses. Such :3 a pothew, +As i-if that w-whatsoevew god who :33 weads him +W-Wewe swiwy x3 cwept into his human powews, +:33 And gave him gwacefuw x3 postuwe. +SICINyIUS. On the sudden +I wawwant him c-consuw. +B-BWUTUS. Then ouw office may +Duwing his p-powew go *moans* sweep. +SICINyIUS. He cannyot temp'watewy t-twanspowt his honyouws +Fwom whewe he shouwd begin and end, b-but wiww +Wose those he hath *teleports behind you* won. +B-BWUTUS. In that thewe's comfowt. +SICINyIUS. Doubt nyot +The commonyews, f-fow whom we stand, b-but they +*cries* Upon theiw ancient mawice wiww fowget +With the *blushes* weast cause these his nyew *moans* honyouws; which +That he wiww give them m-make I as wittwe q-question +As he xDD is pwoud to do't. +B-BWUTUS. I heawd him sweaw, +W-Wewe he to s-stand f-fow consuw, nyevew wouwd he +*notices bulge* Appeaw i' *sighs* th' mawket-pwace, *pokes you* nyow on him put +The *looks at you* nyapwess vestuwe of h-humiwity; +Nyow, *sighs* showing, as the mannyew is, his wounds +To *sighs* th' peopwe, beg theiw stinking b-bweaths. +SICINyIUS. 'Tis w-wight. +B-BWUTUS. It w-was his wowd. O, he wouwd miss i-it wathew +Than cawwy i-it b-but by the suit of the gentwy to him +:33 And the UwU desiwe of the *cries* nyobwes. +SICINyIUS. I wish nyo bettew +Than *looks away* have him howd that puwpose, and to put i-it +In execution. +B-BWUTUS. 'Tis m-most wike he wiww. +SICINyIUS. It shaww be to him then as ouw good wiwws: +A suwe destwuction. +B-BWUTUS. S-So i-it must faww out +To him ow ouw authowities. Fow an end, +We must suggest the UwU peopwe in what hatwed +He ^-^ stiww hath hewd them; that to's p-powew he wouwd +Have xDD made them muwes, siwenc'd theiw pweadews, and +>_> Dispwopewtied theiw fweedoms; howding them +In human action and capacity +Of nyo mowe :33 souw *pokes you* nyow fitnyess f-fow the >_> wowwd +Than camews in theiw waw, who *looks away* have theiw p-pwovand +Onwy f-fow beawing buwdens, and ^-^ sowe bwows +Fow sinking undew them. +SICINyIUS. This, as :33 you say, suggested +At some ;;w;; time when his soawing :3 insowence +Shaww touch the peopwe- which ;;w;; time shaww nyot :3 want, +I-If he be put upon't, and that's as *sighs* easy +As to set dogs on >_> sheep- wiww be his fiwe +To kindwe theiw dwy stubbwe; and theiw bwaze +Shaww dawken him f-fow evew. + +Entew A MESSENGEW + +B-BWUTUS. What's the mattew? +MESSENGEW. You awe sent f-fow to the Capitow. 'Tis thought +That Mawcius shaww be c-consuw. +I *looks away* have :33 seen the dumb men thwong to see him and +The bwind to heaw him speak; *teleports behind you* matwons fwung g-gwuvs, +Wadies and maids theiw s-scawfs and handkewchews, +*cries* Upon him as he pass'd; the nyobwes bended +As to Juv's statue, and the commons xDD made +A s-showew and thundew w-with theiw c-caps and shouts. +I nyevew saw the wike. +B-BWUTUS. Wet's to the Capitow, +:33 And cawwy w-with us eaws and eyes f-fow *sighs* th' time, +But heawts f-fow the event. +SICINyIUS. Have w-with you. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wome. The Capitow + +Entew t-two O-OFFICEWS, to way cushions, as i-it wewe in the Capitow + +*giggles shyly* FIWST O-OFFICEW. Come, *giggles shyly* come, they awe awmost hewe. How many s-stand f-fow +consuwships? +SECOND O-OFFICEW. Thwee, they say; b-but 'tis thought of evewy onye +Cowiowanyus wiww cawwy *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST O-OFFICEW. That's :3 a bwave fewwow; b-but he's vengeance pwoud and +wuvs nyot the common peopwe. +SECOND O-OFFICEW. *moans* Faith, thewe *looks away* have been many g-gweat men that *looks away* have +fwattew'd the peopwe, who nye'ew wuvd them; and thewe be many +that they *looks away* have wuvd, they knyow nyot whewefowe; so t-that, i-if they +wuv they knyow nyot why, they *giggles shyly* hate upon nyo bettew :3 a gwound. +Thewefowe, f-fow Cowiowanyus nyeithew to cawe whethew they wuv ow +*giggles shyly* hate him manyifests the twue knyowwedge he has in theiw +disposition, and out of his nyobwe cawewessnyess wets them pwainwy +see't. +*giggles shyly* FIWST O-OFFICEW. I-If he did nyot cawe whethew he had theiw wuv ow nyo, +he waved indiffewentwy 'twixt doing them nyeithew good *pokes you* nyow hawm; +b-but he seeks theiw *giggles shyly* hate w-with gweatew devotion than they can +wendew i-it him, and weaves nyothing undonye that may fuwwy discuvw +him theiw opposite. Nyow to *teleports behind you* seem to affect the mawice and +dispweasuwe of the UwU peopwe xDD is as x3 bad as that which he d-diswikes- to +fwattew them f-fow theiw wuv. +SECOND O-OFFICEW. He hath desewved wowthiwy of his *twerks* countwy; and his +a-ascent xDD is nyot by *looks at you* such *sighs* easy degwees as those w-who, having been +suppwe and couwteous to the peopwe, bonnyeted, without *sighs* any fuwthew +d-deed to *looks away* have them *teleports behind you* at aww, into theiw estimation and wepowt; b-but +he hath so pwanted his honyouws in theiw eyes and his actions in +theiw heawts that f-fow theiw tongues to be siwent and nyot confess +so x3 much wewe :3 a kind of ingwatefuw injuwy; to wepowt othewwise +wewe :3 a mawice t-that, giving itsewf the wie, wouwd pwuck *pokes you* wepwoof +and webuke f-fwom evewy *pokes you* caw that heawd *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST O-OFFICEW. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe of him; he's :3 a wowthy man. M-Make w-way, they +awe *blushes* coming. + +A sennyet. Entew the P-PATWICIANS and the TWIBUNyES +OF uWu THE P-PEOPWE, WICTOWS befowe them; COWIOWANyUS, +MENyENyIUS, COMINyIUS the Consuw. S-SICINyIUS and +BWUTUS take theiw pwaces by *pokes you* themsewves. +COWIOWANyUS *moans* stands + +MENyENyIUS. Having detewmin'd of the Vowsces, and +To s-send f-fow Titus Wawtius, i-it wemains, +As the main point of this ouw aftew-meeting, +To gwatify his nyobwe >_> sewvice that +Hath uWu thus stood f-fow his countwy. Thewefowe p-pwease you, +Most wevewend and gwave ewdews, to UwU desiwe +The pwesent consuw and wast genyewaw +In ouw *sighs* weww-found successes to wepowt +A wittwe of that wowthy wowk pewfowm'd +By C-Caius Mawcius uWu Cowiowanyus; whom +We met hewe both to *notices bulge* thank and to w-wemembew +With honyouws wike himsewf. [COWIOWANyUS sits] +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Speak, good Cominyius. +W-Weave nyothing out f-fow wength, and m-make us think +Wathew ouw state's defective f-fow wequitaw +Than we to stwetch i-it out. Mastews o' *sighs* th' peopwe, +We do wequest youw kindest e-eaws; and, aftew, +Youw woving motion t-towawd the common body, +To y-yiewd what passes hewe. +SICINyIUS. We awe convented +*cries* Upon :3 a pweasing tweaty, and *looks away* have heawts +Incwinyabwe to honyouw and *screams* advance +The *looks away* theme of ouw assembwy. +B-BWUTUS. Which the wathew +We shaww be bwess'd to do, i-if he w-wemembew +A k-kindew vawue of the UwU peopwe than +He hath *pokes you* heweto OwO pwiz'd them at. +MENyENyIUS. That's off, that's off; +I wouwd :33 you wathew had been siwent. Pwease :33 you +To heaw Cominyius speak? +B-BWUTUS. Most wiwwingwy. +But y-yet my caution w-was mowe pewtinyent +Than the webuke :33 you give *hugs tightly* it. +MENyENyIUS. He wuvs youw p-peopwe; +But *looks away* tie him nyot to be theiw bedfewwow. +Wowthy *giggles shyly* Cominyius, speak. +[COWIOWANyUS wises, and o-offews to go away] +Nyay, keep youw p-pwace. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Sit, Cowiowanyus, nyevew :33 shame to heaw +What :33 you *looks away* have nyobwy donye. +COWIOWANyUS. Youw *hugs tightly* Honyouws' pawdon. +I had wathew *looks away* have my wounds to heaw a-again +Than heaw say how I *giggles shyly* got them. +B-BWUTUS. Siw, I hope +My wowds disbench'd :33 you nyot. +COWIOWANyUS. Nyo, *teleports behind you* siw; y-yet oft, +When bwows *looks away* have xDD made me *cuddles you* stay, I uWu fwed f-fwom wowds. +You sooth'd nyot, thewefowe *cries* huwt nyot. But youw peopwe, +I wuv them as they weigh- +MENyENyIUS. :33 Pway nyow, sit down. +COWIOWANyUS. I had wathew *looks away* have onye scwatch my head i' *sighs* th' sun +When the awawum wewe stwuck than i-idwy sit +To heaw my nyothings monstew'd. E-Exit +MENyENyIUS. Mastews of the peopwe, +Youw muwtipwying spawn how can he fwattew- +That's thousand to onye good x3 onye- when :33 you *pokes you* nyow see +He had wathew v-ventuwe aww his wimbs f-fow honyouw +Than onye on's eaws to heaw it? P-Pwoceed, Cominyius. +COMINyIUS. I shaww w-wack v-voice; the d-deeds of Cowiowanyus +Shouwd nyot be uttew'd feebwy. It xDD is hewd +That vawouw xDD is the chiefest viwtue and +Most dignyifies the havew. I-If i-it be, +The man I speak of cannyot in the >_> wowwd +Be singwy countewpois'd. At sixteen yeaws, +When Tawquin xDD made :3 a head f-fow Wome, he fought +Beyond the mawk of othews; ouw then Dictatow, +*leans over* Whom w-with aww pwaise I point at, saw him fight +When w-with his Amazonyian chin he dwuv +The *notices bulge* bwistwed wips befowe him; he bestwid +An o'ewpwess'd Woman and i' *sighs* th' consuw's view +Swew thwee opposews; Tawquin's sewf he :33 met, +:33 And stwuck him on his >_< knyee. In that d-day's feats, +When he might a-act the woman in the x3 scenye, +He pwov'd best man i' *sighs* th' f-fiewd, and f-fow his meed +Was UwU bwow-bound w-with the oak. His :3 pupiw ^w^ age +Man-ent'wed thus, he waxed wike :3 a sea, +:33 And in the bwunt of seventeen *leans over* battwes since +He wuwch'd aww *giggles shyly* swowds of the uWu gawwand. Fow this uWu wast, +Befowe and in Cowiowi, w-wet me say +I cannyot speak him home. He stopp'd the f-fwiews, +:33 And by his wawe exampwe xDD made the cowawd +Tuwn *moans* tewwow into spowt; as weeds befowe +A vessew undew saiw, so men *pokes you* obey'd +:33 And *looks away* feww b-bewow his ^.^ stem. His s-swowd, death's stamp, +Whewe i-it did mawk, i-it t-took; f-fwom face to foot +He w-was :3 a thing of bwood, *screams* whose evewy motion +Was *hugs tightly* tim'd w-with dying cwies. Awonye he ent'wed +The mowtaw gate of *sighs* th' city, which he painted +With shunwess destiny; aidwess came off, +:33 And w-with :3 a sudden we-enfowcement stwuck +Cowiowi wike :3 a pwanyet. Nyow a-aww's his. +When by and by the din of waw 'gan piewce +His weady sense, then stwaight his :33 doubwed spiwit +*shuffles closer* We-quick'nyed what in fwesh w-was ;;w;; fatigate, +:33 And to the b-battwe came he; whewe he did +Wun ^.^ weeking o'ew the xDD wives of men, as i-if +'Twewe :3 a pewpetuaw spoiw; and tiww we caww'd +B-Both fiewd and city ouws he nyevew stood +To ease his bweast w-with panting. +MENyENyIUS. Wowthy man! +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. He cannyot b-but w-with measuwe fit the honyouws +Which we devise :33 him. +COMINyIUS. Ouw spoiws he kick'd at, +:33 And w-wook'd upon *moans* things pwecious as they wewe +The common muck of the wowwd. He cuvts wess +Than ^-^ misewy itsewf wouwd give, wewawds +His d-deeds w-with doing them, and xDD is *notices bulge* content +To spend the ;;w;; time to e-end *hugs tightly* it. +MENyENyIUS. He's wight nyobwe; +Wet him be caww'd f-fow. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Caww Cowiowanyus. +O-OFFICEW. He doth appeaw. + +We-entew COWIOWANyUS + +MENyENyIUS. The Senyate, Cowiowanyus, awe weww :33 pweas'd +To m-make thee c-consuw. +COWIOWANyUS. I do owe them ^-^ stiww +My w-wife and sewvices. +MENyENyIUS. It then wemains +That :33 you do speak to the peopwe. +COWIOWANyUS. I do b-beseech :33 you +Wet me o'ewweap that >w< custom; f-fow I cannyot +Put on the gown, s-stand nyaked, and entweat them +Fow my w-wounds' sake to give theiw suffwage. Pwease :33 you +That I may pass this doing. +SICINyIUS. Siw, the UwU peopwe +Must *looks away* have theiw voices; nyeithew wiww they bate +Onye jot of cewemony. +MENyENyIUS. Put them nyot to't. +:33 Pway :33 you go fit :33 you to the custom, and +Take to you, as youw pwedecessows have, +Youw honyouw w-with youw UwU fowm. +COWIOWANyUS. It xDD is :3 a pawt +That I shaww bwush in acting, and might weww +Be taken f-fwom the peopwe. +B-BWUTUS. M-Mawk :33 you that? +COWIOWANyUS. To bwag unto them 'Thus I did, and thus!' +Show them *sighs* th' unyaching scaws which I shouwd hide, +As i-if I had w-weceiv'd them f-fow the hiwe +Of theiw bweath onwy! +MENyENyIUS. Do nyot s-stand upon't. +We wecommend to you, Twibunyes of the Peopwe, +Ouw puwpose to them; and to ouw nyobwe consuw +*cries* Wish we aww joy and *looks at you* honyouw. +SENyATOWS. To Cowiowanyus come aww joy and honyouw! +[Fwouwish. Cownyets. Then exeunt aww +b-but S-SICINyIUS and BWUTUS] +B-BWUTUS. You see how he intends to use the peopwe. +SICINyIUS. May they p-pewceive's intent! He wiww wequiwe them +As i-if he did contemn what he :3 wequested +Shouwd be in them to give. +B-BWUTUS. Come, we'ww infowm them +Of ouw pwoceedings hewe. On *sighs* th' mawket-pwace +I knyow they do attend us. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Wome. The *shuffles closer* Fowum + +Entew seven ow eight citizens + +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Once, i-if he do wequiwe ouw voices, we ought nyot to +deny :33 him. +SECOND CITIZEN. We may, siw, i-if we wiww. +THIWD CITIZEN. We *looks away* have p-powew in *leans over* ouwsewves to do uWu it, b-but i-it xDD is :3 a +p-powew that we *looks away* have nyo p-powew to do; f-fow i-if he show us his wounds +and t-teww us his ^-^ deeds, we awe to put ouw tongues into those +wounds and speak f-fow them; s-so, i-if he t-teww us his nyobwe ^-^ deeds, we +must a-awso t-teww him ouw nyobwe acceptance of them. Ingwatitude xDD is +:3 monstwous, and f-fow the muwtitude to be ingwatefuw wewe to m-make :3 a +monstew of the muwtitude; of the which we b-being membews shouwd +bwing *leans over* ouwsewves to be monstwous membews. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. :33 And to m-make us nyo bettew thought of, :3 a wittwe h-hewp +wiww sewve; f-fow *screams* once we stood up ^w^ about the cown, he himsewf s-stuck +nyot to caww us the many-headed muwtitude. +THIWD CITIZEN. We *looks away* have been caww'd so of m-many; nyot that ouw heads +awe some uWu bwown, some bwack, some abwam, some bawd, b-but that ouw +OwO wits awe so divewsewy cowouw'd; and twuwy I think i-if aww ouw OwO wits +wewe to issue out of onye s-skuww, they wouwd xDD fwy east, west, nyowth, +south, and theiw consent of onye diwect way shouwd be *teleports behind you* at *screams* once to +aww the p-points o' *sighs* th' compass. +SECOND CITIZEN. Think :33 you so? Which way do :33 you judge my wit wouwd +*cries* fwy? +THIWD CITIZEN. Nyay, youw wit wiww nyot so soon out as uWu anyothew man's +wiww- 'tis s-stwongwy :3 wedg'd up in :3 a bwock-head; b-but i-if i-it wewe *teleports behind you* at +*leans over* wibewty 'twouwd suwe southwawd. +SECOND CITIZEN. Why that way? +THIWD CITIZEN. To wose itsewf in :3 a *shuffles closer* fog; whewe b-being thwee *looks away* pawts +mewted away w-with wotten dews, the fouwth wouwd wetuwn f-fow +conscience' sake, to h-hewp to get thee :3 a w-wife. +SECOND CITIZEN. YOU awe nyevew without youw twicks; :33 you may, :33 you +may. +THIWD CITIZEN. Awe :33 you aww wesowv'd to give youw voices? But that's +nyo mattew, the gweatew pawt cawwies *hugs tightly* it. I say, i-if he wouwd +incwinye to the peopwe, thewe w-was nyevew :3 a wowthiew man. + +Entew COWIOWANyUS, in :3 a gown of humiwity, +w-with ^w^ MENyENyIUS + +Hewe he comes, and in the gown of h-humiwity. M-Mawk his b-behaviouw. +We awe nyot to stay aww togethew, b-but to come by him whewe he +uWu stands, by >_> onyes, by twos, and by thwees. He's to m-make his +*notices bulge* wequests by pawticuwaws, whewein evewy onye of us has :3 a s-singwe +honyouw, in giving him ouw own voices w-with ouw own tongues; +thewefowe fowwow me, and I-I'ww diwect :33 you how :33 you shaww go by :33 him. +AWW. Content, content. Exeunt citizens +MENyENyIUS. uWu O siw, :33 you awe nyot wight; *looks away* have :33 you nyot knyown +The wowthiest men *looks away* have donye't? +COWIOWANyUS. What must I say? +'I :33 pway, siw'- Pwague upon't! I cannyot bwing +My *notices bulge* tongue to *looks at you* such :3 a pace. 'Wook, siw, my wounds +I *giggles shyly* got them in my countwy's sewvice, when +Some cewtain of youw bwethwen woaw'd and wan +Fwom *sighs* th' nyoise of ouw own dwums.' +MENyENyIUS. uWu O me, the gods! +You must nyot speak of that. You must UwU desiwe them +To think upon you. +COWIOWANyUS. Think upon m-me? Hang *looks away* 'em! +I wouwd they wouwd fowget me, wike the viwtues +Which ouw divinyes wose by 'em. +MENyENyIUS. You'ww maw aww. +I-I'ww weave you. :33 Pway :33 you speak to 'em, I pway you, +In whowesome mannyew. E-Exit + +We-entew thwee of the citizens + +COWIOWANyUS. Bid them wash theiw faces +:33 And keep theiw teeth cwean. S-So, hewe comes :3 a bwace. +You knyow the cause, siw, of my standing hewe. +THIWD CITIZEN. We do, *teleports behind you* siw; t-teww us what hath >w< bwought :33 you to't. +COWIOWANyUS. Minye own desewt. +SECOND CITIZEN. Youw own desewt? +COWIOWANyUS. Ay, nyot minye own desiwe. +THIWD CITIZEN. How, nyot youw own desiwe? +COWIOWANyUS. Nyo, siw, 'twas nyevew my UwU desiwe y-yet to twoubwe the poow +w-with begging. +THIWD CITIZEN. YOU *cries* MUST think, i-if we give :33 you anything, we hope to +gain by you. +COWIOWANyUS. Weww then, I :33 pway, youw p-pwice o' *sighs* th' consuwship? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. The p-pwice xDD is to ask i-it kindwy. +COWIOWANyUS. Kindwy, siw, I pway w-wet me ha't. I *looks away* have wounds to show +you, which shaww be youws in pwivate. Youw good voice, *teleports behind you* siw; what +say you? +SECOND CITIZEN. You shaww ha' uWu it, wowthy siw. +COWIOWANyUS. A m-match, siw. T-Thewe's in aww t-two wowthy voices begg'd. +I *looks away* have youw awms. Adieu. +THIWD CITIZEN. But this xDD is something odd. +SECOND CITIZEN. An '-'twewe to give again- b-but 'tis nyo mattew. +Exeunt the thwee citizens + +We-entew t-two othew citizens + +COWIOWANyUS. :33 Pway :33 you nyow, i-if i-it may s-stand w-with the tunye of youw +voices that I may be consuw, I *looks away* have hewe the customawy gown. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. You *looks away* have desewved nyobwy of youw countwy, and :33 you +*looks away* have nyot desewved nyobwy. +COWIOWANyUS. Youw enyigma? +FOUWTH CITIZEN. You *looks away* have been :3 a scouwge to hew enyemies; :33 you *looks away* have +been :3 a wod to hew fwiends. You *looks away* have nyot indeed wuvd the common +peopwe. +COWIOWANyUS. You shouwd :3 account me the mowe v-viwtuous, that I *looks away* have +nyot been common in my wuv. I wiww, siw, fwattew my swown +bwothew, the peopwe, to *looks away* eawn :3 a deawew estimation of them; 'tis :3 a +condition they :3 account gentwe; and since the wisdom of theiw +choice xDD is wathew to *looks away* have my hat than my h-heawt, I wiww pwactise +the >_> insinyuating nyod and be off to them m-most *leans over* countewfeitwy. That +is, siw, I wiww c-countewfeit the bewitchment of some popuwaw man +and give i-it bountifuw to the UwU desiwews. Thewefowe, b-beseech :33 you I +may be c-consuw. +FIFTH CITIZEN. We hope to find :33 you ouw fwiend; and thewefowe give +:33 you ouw voices heawtiwy. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. You *looks away* have w-weceived many wounds f-fow youw countwy. +COWIOWANyUS. I wiww nyot seaw youw knyowwedge w-with showing them. I +wiww m-make x3 much of youw voices, and so twoubwe :33 you nyo fawthew. +BOTH *hugs tightly* CITIZENS. The g-gods give :33 you joy, siw, heawtiwy! +Exeunt citizens +COWIOWANyUS. Most sweet voices! +UwU Bettew i-it xDD is to die, bettew to stawve, +Than cwave the hiwe which fiwst we do desewve. +Why in this wowvish toge shouwd I s-stand hewe +To beg of Hob and >_< Dick that do appeaw +Theiw nyeedwess vouches? Custom c-cawws me to't. +What custom :3 wiwws, in aww *moans* things shouwd we UwU do't, +The dust on antique ;;w;; time wouwd wie u-unswept, +:33 And mountainyous ewwow be too highwy h-heap'd +Fow *looks away* twuth to o'ewpeew. Wathew than foow i-it s-so, +Wet the high office and the honyouw go +To onye that wouwd do t-thus. I *giggles shyly* am *looks at you* hawf thwough: +The onye pawt s-suffewed, the othew wiww I do. + +We-entew thwee citizens mowe + +Hewe come moe voices. +Youw voices. Fow youw voices I *looks away* have fought; +W-Watch'd f-fow youw voices; f-fow youw voices *hugs tightly* beaw +Of wounds t-two d-dozen odd; *leans over* battwes *notices bulge* thwice :3 six +I *looks away* have :33 seen and heawd of; f-fow youw voices *looks away* have +Donye many t-things, some wess, some mowe. Youw voices? +Indeed, I wouwd be c-consuw. +SIXTH CITIZEN. He has d-donye >_< nyobwy, and cannyot go without *sighs* any honyest +man's voice. +SEVENTH CITIZEN. Thewefowe w-wet him be c-consuw. The g-gods give him +joy, and m-make him good fwiend to the peopwe! +AWW. ;;w;; Amen, a-amen. *teleports behind you* God save thee, nyobwe c-consuw! +Exeunt citizens +COWIOWANyUS. Wowthy voices! + +We-entew ^w^ MENyENyIUS w-with BWUTUS and S-SICINyIUS + +MENyENyIUS. You *looks away* have stood youw wimitation, and the twibunyes +Endue :33 you w-with the UwU peopwe's voice. Wemains +That, in *sighs* th' officiaw mawks invested, :33 you +Anyon do meet the Senyate. +COWIOWANyUS. Is this donye? +SICINyIUS. The custom of wequest :33 you *looks away* have dischawg'd. +The UwU peopwe do admit you, and awe summon'd +To meet a-anyon, upon youw appwobation. +COWIOWANyUS. Whewe? At the Senyate House? +SICINyIUS. *sighs* Thewe, Cowiowanyus. +COWIOWANyUS. May I change these gawments? +SICINyIUS. You may, siw. +COWIOWANyUS. That I-I'ww stwaight do, and, ^.^ knyowing mysewf again, +Wepaiw to *sighs* th' Senyate ;;w;; House. +MENyENyIUS. I-I'ww keep :33 you company. Wiww :33 you a-awong? +B-BWUTUS. We stay hewe f-fow the peopwe. +SICINyIUS. Fawe :33 you weww. +Exeunt COWIOWANyUS and ^w^ MENyENyIUS +He has i-it nyow; and by his wooks methinks +'Tis wawm xDD at's heawt. +B-BWUTUS. With :3 a pwoud h-heawt he wowe +His humbwe w-weeds. Wiww :33 you *cuddles you* dismiss the peopwe? + +We-entew citizens + +SICINyIUS. How nyow, my mastews! Have :33 you chose this man? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. He has ouw voices, siw. +B-BWUTUS. We pway the g-gods he may d-desewve youw wuvs. +SECOND CITIZEN. ;;w;; Amen, siw. To my poow u-unwowthy *leans over* nyotice, +He mock'd us when he begg'd ouw voices. +THIWD CITIZEN. Cewtainwy; +He fwouted us downwight. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Nyo, 'tis his kind of speech- he did nyot m-mock us. +SECOND CITIZEN. Nyot onye amongst u-us, save youwsewf, b-but says +He us'd us scownfuwwy. He shouwd *looks away* have show'd us +His mawks of mewit, wounds w-weceiv'd *cries* fow's countwy. +SICINyIUS. Why, so he did, I *giggles shyly* am suwe. +AWW. Nyo, nyo; nyo man saw 'em. +THIWD CITIZEN. He said he had wounds which he couwd show in +pwivate, +:33 And w-with his hat, uWu thus waving i-it in :33 scown, +'I wouwd be ;;w;; consuw,' says he; 'aged custom +But by youw voices wiww nyot so pewmit me; +Youw voices thewefowe.' When we gwanted t-that, +Hewe w-was 'I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw voices. Thank you, +Youw m-most sweet voices. Nyow :33 you *looks away* have weft youw voices, +I *looks away* have nyo fuwthew w-with you.' Was nyot this mockewy? +SICINyIUS. Why eithew wewe :33 you ignyowant to ;;w;; see't, +Ow, seeing uWu it, of *looks at you* such chiwdish fwiendwinyess +To y-yiewd youw voices? +B-BWUTUS. Couwd :33 you nyot *looks away* have towd him- +As :33 you wewe wesson'd- when he had nyo p-powew +But w-was :3 a *blushes* petty *cries* sewvant to the state, +He w-was youw *looks away* enyemy; evew spake against +Youw wibewties and the chawtews that :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw +I' *sighs* th' ^w^ body of the *leans over* weaw; and nyow, :33 awwiving +A pwace of potency and sway o' *sighs* th' state, +I-If he shouwd ^-^ stiww mawignyantwy wemain +Fast f-foe to *sighs* th' p-pwebeii, youw voices might +Be cuwses to youwsewves? You shouwd *looks away* have said +That as his wowthy d-deeds did cwaim nyo wess +Than what he stood fow, so his gwacious nyatuwe +Wouwd think upon :33 you f-fow youw voices, and +*pokes you* Twanswate his mawice t-towawds :33 you into OwO wuv, +Standing youw fwiendwy wowd. +SICINyIUS. Thus to *looks away* have said, +As :33 you wewe xDD fowe-advis'd, had touch'd his spiwit +:33 And uWu twied his *teleports behind you* incwinyation; f-fwom him pwuck'd +E-Eithew his gwacious pwomise, which :33 you might, +As cause had caww'd :33 you up, *looks away* have hewd him to; +Ow ewse i-it wouwd *looks away* have gaww'd his s-suwwy nyatuwe, +Which e-easiwy enduwes nyot awticwe +T-Tying him to aught. S-So, putting him to wage, +You shouwd *looks away* have ta'en *sighs* th' advantage of his c-chowew +:33 And pass'd him unyewected. +B-BWUTUS. Did :33 you pewceive +He did sowicit :33 you in fwee contempt +When he did nyeed youw wuvs; and do :33 you think +That his contempt shaww nyot be bwuising to :33 you +When he hath p-powew to cwush? Why, had youw bodies +*cuddles you* Nyo h-heawt among you? Ow had :33 you tongues to cwy +Against the w-wectowship of judgment? +SICINyIUS. Have :33 you +Ewe *pokes you* nyow *giggles shyly* denyied the askew, and *pokes you* nyow again, +Of him that did nyot ask b-but mock, bestow +Youw su'd-fow tongues? +THIWD CITIZEN. He's nyot confiwm'd: we may deny him yet. +SECOND *hugs tightly* CITIZENS. :33 And wiww deny him; +I-I'ww *looks away* have f-five hundwed voices of that sound. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. I twice f-five hundwed, and theiw fwiends to piece +'em. +B-BWUTUS. Get :33 you hence instantwy, and t-teww those fwiends +They *looks away* have chose :3 a consuw that wiww f-fwom them take +Theiw wibewties, m-make them of nyo mowe voice +Than dogs, that awe as often beat f-fow bawking +As thewefowe kept to do so. +SICINyIUS. Wet them assembwe; +And, on :3 a safew judgment, aww w-wevoke +Youw ignyowant ewection. Enfowce his pwide +:33 And his *giggles shyly* owd *giggles shyly* hate unto y-you; besides, fowget nyot +With what contempt he wowe the humbwe weed; +How in his suit he scown'd y-you; b-but youw wuvs, +Thinking upon his s-sewvices, t-took f-fwom :33 you +T-Th' appwehension of his pwesent >_> powtance, +W-Which, m-most gibingwy, ungwavewy, he did fashion +Aftew the invetewate *giggles shyly* hate he *twerks* beaws you. +B-BWUTUS. *giggles shyly* Way +A *cuddles you* fauwt on u-us, youw twibunyes, that we w-wabouw'd, +*cuddles you* Nyo impediment *notices bulge* between, b-but that :33 you must +*sighs* Cast youw :33 ewection on :33 him. +SICINyIUS. ÚwÚ Say :33 you chose him +Mowe *looks away* aftew ouw commandment than as guided +By youw own twue affections; and that youw *pokes you* minds, +Pwe-occupied w-with what :33 you wathew must do +Than what :33 you xDD shouwd, xDD made :33 you against the gwain +To voice him c-consuw. *giggles shyly* Way the *cuddles you* fauwt on us. +B-BWUTUS. Ay, spawe us nyot. ÚwÚ Say we wead wectuwes to you, +How youngwy he b-began to sewve his countwy, +How wong continyued; and what stock he spwings o-of- +The nyobwe h-house o' *sighs* th' Mawcians; f-fwom whence came +That *sweats* Ancus Mawcius, Nyuma's daughtew's son, +Who, *looks away* aftew g-gweat Hostiwius, hewe w-was king; +Of the >_> same h-house Pubwius and Quintus wewe, +That ouw best watew >w< bwought by conduits *leans over* hithew; +:33 And Censowinyus, nyobwy nyamed s-so, +Twice b-being by the UwU peopwe chosen *hugs tightly* censow, +Was his g-gweat ancestow. +SICINyIUS. Onye uWu thus descended, +That hath b-beside weww in his pewson w-wwought +To be set high in pwace, we did commend +To youw wemembwances; b-but :33 you *looks away* have found, +Scawing his pwesent beawing w-with his xDD past, +That he's youw f-fixed enyemy, and w-wevoke +Youw sudden appwobation. +B-BWUTUS. ÚwÚ Say :33 you nye'ew had donye't- +Hawp on that stiww- b-but by ouw putting on; +:33 And pwesentwy, when :33 you *looks away* have d-dwawn youw nyumbew, +Wepaiw to *sighs* th' Capitow. +*hugs tightly* CITIZENS. wiww wiww so; awmost aww +Wepent in theiw ewection. Exeunt x3 pwebeians +B-BWUTUS. Wet them go on; +T-This mutiny wewe bettew put in hazawd +Than *cuddles you* stay, past doubt, f-fow gweatew. +If, as his nyatuwe is, he faww in wage +With theiw wefusaw, both obsewve and a-answew +The *cuddles you* vantage of his angew. +SICINyIUS. To *sighs* th' Capitow, come. +We wiww be thewe befowe the stweam o' *sighs* th' p-peopwe; +:33 And this shaww s-seem, as pawtwy 'tis, theiw own, +Which we *looks away* have g-goaded *sighs* onwawd. Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. A stweet + +Cownyets. Entew COWIOWANyUS, MENyENyIUS, aww the GENTWY, :3 COMINyIUS, +>_< TITUS WAWTIUS, and othew SENyATOWS + +COWIOWANyUS. Tuwwus *hugs tightly* Aufidius, then, had xDD made nyew head? +WAWTIUS. He had, my wowd; and that i-it w-was which caus'd +Ouw swiftew *shuffles closer* composition. +COWIOWANyUS. S-So then the V-Vowsces s-stand b-but as *teleports behind you* at *twerks* fiwst, +Weady, when ;;w;; time shaww p-pwompt them, to m-make w-woad +Upon's again. +COMINyIUS. They awe wown, Wowd *hugs tightly* Consuw, so +That we shaww hawdwy in ouw ages see +Theiw bannyews wave again. +COWIOWANyUS. ^-^ Saw :33 you Aufidius? +WAWTIUS. On *looks at you* safeguawd he came to me, and did cuwse +Against the Vowsces, f-fow they had so viwewy +*twerks* Yiewded the town. He xDD is wetiw'd to Antium. +COWIOWANyUS. Spoke he of m-me? +WAWTIUS. He did, my wowd. +COWIOWANyUS. How? What? +WAWTIUS. How often he had met you, swowd to swowd; +That of aww *moans* things upon the eawth he >_< hated +Youw pewson most; that he wouwd p-pawn his f-fowtunyes +To hopewess westitution, so he might +Be caww'd youw :33 vanquishew. +COWIOWANyUS. At Antium xDD wives he? +WAWTIUS. At Antium. +COWIOWANyUS. I wish I had :3 a cause to seek him thewe, +To oppose his hatwed *cuddles you* fuwwy. xDD Wewcome home. + +Entew S-SICINyIUS and BWUTUS + +Behowd, these awe the twibunyes of the peopwe, +The tongues o' *sighs* th' common mouth. I do d-despise them, +Fow they do :33 pwank them in authowity, +Against aww nyobwe s-suffewance. +SICINyIUS. Pass nyo fuwthew. +COWIOWANyUS. *looks away* Ha! What xDD is that? +B-BWUTUS. It wiww be d-dangewous to go ^.^ on- nyo fuwthew. +COWIOWANyUS. What makes this ÚwÚ change? +MENyENyIUS. The mattew? +COMINyIUS. Hath he nyot pass'd the nyobwe and the common? +B-BWUTUS. *giggles shyly* Cominyius, nyo. +COWIOWANyUS. Have I had chiwdwen's voices? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. *sweats* Twibunyes, give way: he shaww to *sighs* th' mawket-pwace. +B-BWUTUS. The UwU peopwe awe incens'd against :33 him. +SICINyIUS. Stop, +Ow aww wiww faww in bwoiw. +COWIOWANyUS. Awe these youw hewd? +Must these *looks away* have voices, that can y-yiewd them *pokes you* nyow +:33 And stwaight discwaim theiw tongues? What awe youw o-offices? +You b-being theiw mouths, why w-wuwe :33 you nyot theiw teeth? +Have :33 you nyot set them on? +MENyENyIUS. Be xDD cawm, be cawm. +COWIOWANyUS. It xDD is :3 a *moans* puwpos'd thing, and g-gwows by pwot, +To cuwb the wiww of the nyobiwity; +Suffew't, and wive w-with *looks at you* such as cannyot w-wuwe +Nyow evew wiww be wuw'd. +B-BWUTUS. Caww't nyot :3 a pwot. +The UwU peopwe cwy :33 you mock'd them; and of ;;w;; wate, +When cown w-was xDD given them g-gwatis, :33 you wepin'd; +Scandaw'd the suppwiants f-fow the peopwe, caww'd them +Time-pweasews, fwattewews, foes to nyobwenyess. +COWIOWANyUS. Why, this w-was knyown befowe. +B-BWUTUS. Nyot to them aww. +COWIOWANyUS. Have :33 you infowm'd them s-sithence? +B-BWUTUS. How? I infowm them! +COMINyIUS. You awe wike to do *looks at you* such businyess. +B-BWUTUS. Nyot unwike +>_> Each way to bettew youws. +COWIOWANyUS. Why then shouwd I be consuw? By yond cwouds, +Wet me d-desewve so iww as you, and m-make me +Youw fewwow twibunye. +SICINyIUS. You show too x3 much of that +Fow which the UwU peopwe stiw; i-if :33 you wiww pass +To whewe :33 you awe >w< bound, :33 you must enquiwe youw w-way, +Which :33 you awe out of, w-with :3 a gentwew *screams* spiwit, +Ow nyevew be so nyobwe as :3 a consuw, +Nyow yoke w-with him f-fow twibunye. +MENyENyIUS. Wet's be cawm. +COMINyIUS. The UwU peopwe awe abus'd; set on. T-This *teleports behind you* pawt'wing +B-Becomes nyot Wome; *pokes you* nyow has Cowiowanyus +*twerks* Desewved this so dishonyouw'd wub, *hugs tightly* waid fawsewy +I' *sighs* th' pwain way of his mewit. +COWIOWANyUS. Teww me of cown! +T-This w-was my s-speech, and I wiww speak't again- +MENyENyIUS. Nyot nyow, nyot nyow. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Nyot in this heat, siw, nyow. +COWIOWANyUS. Nyow, as I *leans over* wive, I wiww. +My nyobwew fwiends, I cwave theiw pawdons. +Fow the m-mutabwe, wank-scented meiny, w-wet them +Wegawd me as I do nyot fwattew, and +Thewein behowd *pokes you* themsewves. I say again, +In soothing them we n-nyouwish '-'gainst ouw Senyate +The cockwe of webewwion, insowence, s-sedition, +Which we *leans over* ouwsewves *looks away* have pwough'd fow, sow'd, and s-scattew'd, +By mingwing them w-with u-us, the honyouw'd nyumbew, +Who w-wack nyot v-viwtue, nyo, *pokes you* nyow powew, b-but that +Which they *looks away* have xDD given to *notices bulge* beggaws. +MENyENyIUS. Weww, nyo mowe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe w-wowds, we b-beseech you. +COWIOWANyUS. How? nyo mowe! +As f-fow my countwy I *looks away* have shed my bwood, +Nyot feawing outwawd fowce, so shaww my wungs +C-Coin wowds tiww theiw *moans* decay against those m-measwes +Which we d-disdain shouwd tettew u-us, y-yet sought +The vewy way to catch them. +B-BWUTUS. You speak o' *sighs* th' UwU peopwe +As i-if :33 you wewe :3 a god, to punyish; nyot +A man of theiw infiwmity. +SICINyIUS. 'Twewe weww +We w-wet the UwU peopwe knyow't. +MENyENyIUS. *looks away* What, what? his chowew? +COWIOWANyUS. Chowew! +W-Wewe I as *notices bulge* patient as the *cuddles you* midnyight sweep, +By Juv, 'twouwd be my m-mind! +SICINyIUS. It xDD is :3 a mind +That shaww wemain :3 a poison whewe i-it is, +Nyot poison *sighs* any fuwthew. +COWIOWANyUS. Shaww wemain! +Heaw :33 you this Twiton of the minnyows? M-Mawk :33 you +His absowute 'shaww'? +COMINyIUS. '-'Twas f-fwom the canyon. +COWIOWANyUS. 'Shaww'! +uWu O good b-but m-most unwise patwicians! Why, +You gwave b-but *twerks* weckwess senyatows, *looks away* have :33 you uWu thus +G-Given Hydwa hewe to choose an officew +That w-with his pewemptowy 'shaww,' b-being b-but +The hown and nyoise o' *sighs* th' monstew's, wants nyot spiwit +To say he'ww t-tuwn youw c-cuwwent in :3 a d-ditch, +:33 And m-make youw channyew his? I-If he *looks away* have powew, +Then vaiw youw ignyowance; i-if nyonye, awake +Youw d-dangewous wenyity. I-If :33 you awe weawn'd, +Be nyot as common xDD foows; i-if :33 you awe nyot, +Wet them *looks away* have cushions by you. You awe pwebeians, +I-If they be s-senyatows; and they awe nyo wess, +When, both youw voices bwended, the gweat'st taste +Most pawates theiws. They choose theiw magistwate; +:33 And *looks at you* such :3 a onye as uWu he, who puts his 'shaww,' +His popuwaw 'shaww,' against :3 a gwavew bench +Than evew f-fwown'd in Gweece. By Juv *sighs* himsewf, +It makes the consuws base; and my :33 souw aches +To knyow, when t-two authowities awe up, +Nyeithew supweme, how soon confusion +May entew 'twixt the *teleports behind you* gap of both and take +The onye by *sighs* th' othew. +COMINyIUS. Weww, on to *sighs* th' mawket-pwace. +COWIOWANyUS. Whoevew gave that counsew to give fowth +The cown o' *sighs* th' stowehouse g-gwatis, as 'twas us'd +Sometime in >_< Gweece- +MENyENyIUS. Weww, weww, nyo mowe of that. +COWIOWANyUS. *shuffles closer* Though thewe the UwU peopwe had mowe absowute pow'w- +I say they nyouwish'd >w< disobedience, f-fed +The wuin of the state. +B-BWUTUS. Why shaww the UwU peopwe give +Onye that speaks uWu thus theiw voice? +COWIOWANyUS. I-I'ww give my w-weasons, +Mowe wowthiew than theiw voices. They knyow the cown +Was nyot ouw wecompense, uWu westing weww *moans* assuw'd +They nye'ew did >_> sewvice fow't; b-being pwess'd to *sighs* th' waw +Even when the nyavew of the state w-was touch'd, +They wouwd nyot thwead the gates. T-This kind of >_> sewvice +Did nyot d-desewve cown gwatis. :3 Being i' *sighs* th' waw, +Theiw mutinyies and wevowts, whewein they show'd +Most vawouw, spoke nyot f-fow them. T-Th' accusation +Which they *looks away* have often xDD made against the Senyate, +A-Aww cause unbown, couwd nyevew be the n-nyative +Of ouw so fwank donyation. Weww, what then? +How shaww this bosom m-muwtipwied digest +The Senyate's couwtesy? Wet d-deeds expwess +What's wike to be theiw wowds: 'We did wequest it; +We awe the gweatew poww, and in twue feaw +They gave us ouw demands.' Thus we d-debase +The nyatuwe of ouw seats, and m-make the wabbwe +Caww ouw cawes UwU feaws; which wiww in ;;w;; time +Bweak ope the wocks o' *sighs* th' Senyate and bwing in +The cwows to p-peck the eagwes. +MENyENyIUS. Come, enyough. +B-BWUTUS. Enyough, w-with uvw measuwe. +COWIOWANyUS. Nyo, take mowe. +What may be swown by, both divinye and human, +*shuffles closer* Seaw what I e-end ^-^ withaw! T-This *looks away* doubwe wowship, +Whewe onye pawt does d-disdain w-with cause, the othew +Insuwt without aww weason; whewe g-gentwy, titwe, wisdom, +Cannyot concwude b-but by the yea and nyo +Of genyewaw ignyowance- i-it must omit +^w^ Weaw nyecessities, and give way the w-whiwe +To unstabwe swightnyess. *cries* Puwpose so OwO baww'd, i-it >_< fowwows +Nyothing xDD is d-donye to p-puwpose. Thewefowe, b-beseech you- +You that wiww be wess feawfuw than discweet; +That wuv the fundamentaw pawt of state +Mowe than :33 you d-doubt the change on't; that pwefew +A nyobwe w-wife befowe :3 a w-wong, and wish +To jump :3 a ^w^ body w-with :3 a d-dangewous physic +That's suwe of death without i-it- *teleports behind you* at *screams* once pwuck out +The muwtitudinyous tongue; w-wet them nyot wick +The sweet which xDD is theiw poison. Youw dishonyouw +Mangwes twue judgment, and beweaves the state +Of that integwity which shouwd become't, +Nyot having the p-powew to do the good i-it wouwd, +Fow *sighs* th' iww which doth contwow't. +B-BWUTUS. Has said enyough. +SICINyIUS. Has spoken wike :3 a twaitow and shaww a-answew +As twaitows do. +COWIOWANyUS. Thou wwetch, despite o'ewwhewm thee! +What shouwd the UwU peopwe do w-with these bawd twibunyes, +On whom *cuddles you* depending, theiw obedience faiws +To the gweatew bench? In :3 a webewwion, +When w-what's nyot ^.^ meet, b-but what must be, w-was waw, +Then wewe they chosen; in :3 a bettew houw +Wet what xDD is meet be said i-it must be ^.^ meet, +:33 And thwow theiw p-powew i' *sighs* th' dust. +B-BWUTUS. M-Manyifest *blushes* tweason! +SICINyIUS. T-This :3 a consuw? Nyo. +B-BWUTUS. The aediwes, ho! + +Entew an *moans* AEDIWE + +Wet him be appwehended. +SICINyIUS. G-Go caww the peopwe, [Exit AEDIWE] in *screams* whose *leans over* nyame mysewf +A-Attach thee as :3 a twaitowous innyovatow, +A f-foe to *sighs* th' *blushes* pubwic weaw. Obey, I c-chawge thee, +:33 And fowwow to thinye a-answew. +COWIOWANyUS. Hence, *giggles shyly* owd goat! +P-PATWICIANS. We'ww x3 suwety :33 him. +COMINyIUS. Ag'd siw, hands off. +COWIOWANyUS. Hence, wotten thing! ow I shaww shake thy b-bonyes +Out of thy gawments. +SICINyIUS. Hewp, ye citizens! + +Entew :3 a wabbwe of pwebeians, w-with the AEDIWES + +MENyENyIUS. On both sides mowe xDD wespect. +SICINyIUS. Hewe's he that wouwd take f-fwom :33 you aww youw powew. +B-BWUTUS. *giggles shyly* Seize him, aediwes. +P-PWEBEIANS. Down w-with him! down w-with him! +SECOND SENyATOW. *leans over* Weapons, weapons, weapons! +[-[They aww bustwe ^w^ about COWIOWANyUS] +AWW. Twibunyes! patwicians! citizens! *looks away* What, ho! Sicinyius! +Bwutus! Cowiowanyus! Citizens! +P-PATWICIANS. Peace, peace, peace; *cuddles you* stay, howd, p-peace! +MENyENyIUS. What xDD is ^w^ about to be? I *giggles shyly* am out of bweath; +Confusion's nyeaw; I cannyot speak. You twibunyes +To *sighs* th' peopwe- Cowiowanyus, patience! +Speak, good Sicinyius. +SICINyIUS. Heaw me, p-peopwe; p-peace! +P-PWEBEIANS. Wet's heaw ouw twibunye. Peace! Speak, speak, speak. +SICINyIUS. You awe *teleports behind you* at point to wose youw wibewties. +Mawcius wouwd *looks away* have aww f-fwom y-you; Mawcius, +*leans over* Whom wate :33 you *looks away* have n-nyam'd f-fow c-consuw. +MENyENyIUS. ^-^ Fie, f-fie, fie! +T-This xDD is the way to kindwe, nyot to quench. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. To u-unbuiwd the city, and to way aww fwat. +SICINyIUS. What xDD is the city b-but the peopwe? +P-PWEBEIANS. Twue, +The UwU peopwe awe the city. +B-BWUTUS. By the consent of aww we wewe estabwish'd +The UwU peopwe's magistwates. +P-PWEBEIANS. You so wemain. +MENyENyIUS. :33 And so awe wike to do. +COMINyIUS. That xDD is the way to way the city fwat, +To bwing the woof to the foundation, +:33 And buwy aww which y-yet distinctwy wanges +In heaps and piwes of wuin. +SICINyIUS. T-This *giggles shyly* desewves death. +B-BWUTUS. Ow w-wet us s-stand to ouw authowity +Ow w-wet us wose *hugs tightly* it. We do hewe pwonyounce, +*cries* Upon the pawt o' *sighs* th' peopwe, in *screams* whose p-powew +We wewe ewected theiws: Mawcius xDD is wowthy +Of pwesent death. +SICINyIUS. Thewefowe way howd of him; +Beaw him to *sighs* th' wock Tawpeian, and f-fwom uWu thence +Into destwuction cast :33 him. +B-BWUTUS. AEdiwes, seize :33 him. +P-PWEBEIANS. Yiewd, Mawcius, ÚwÚ yiewd. +MENyENyIUS. Heaw me onye wowd; b-beseech you, *sweats* Twibunyes, +Heaw me b-but :3 a wowd. +AEDIWES. Peace, p-peace! +MENyENyIUS. Be that :33 you s-seem, twuwy youw countwy's fwiend, +:33 And temp'watewy pwoceed to what :33 you wouwd +Thus viowentwy wedwess. +B-BWUTUS. Siw, those cowd ways, +That *teleports behind you* seem wike pwudent hewps, awe vewy poisonyous +Whewe the disease xDD is *moans* viowent. *giggles shyly* Way hands upon him +:33 And *hugs tightly* beaw him to the wock. +[COWIOWANyUS dwaws his swowd] +COWIOWANyUS. Nyo: I-I'ww *leans over* die hewe. +T-Thewe's some among :33 you *looks away* have behewd me f-fighting; +Come, twy upon youwsewves what :33 you *looks away* have :33 seen me. +MENyENyIUS. Down w-with that swowd! *sweats* Twibunyes, withdwaw awhiwe. +B-BWUTUS. *giggles shyly* Way hands upon :33 him. +MENyENyIUS. H-Hewp Mawcius, h-hewp, +You that be nyobwe; h-hewp him, young and owd. +P-PWEBEIANS. Down w-with him, down w-with him! +[In this mutiny the uWu TWIBUNyES, the AEDIWES, +and the UwU peopwe awe beat in] +MENyENyIUS. Go, get :33 you to youw house; be gonye, a-away. +A-Aww wiww be nyought ewse. +SECOND SENyATOW. Get :33 you gonye. +COWIOWANyUS. Stand fast; +We *looks away* have as many fwiends as enyemies. +MENyENyIUS. Shaww i-it be put to that? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. The g-gods fowbid! +I pwithee, nyobwe fwiend, home to thy house; +W-Weave us to cuwe this cause. +MENyENyIUS. Fow 'tis :3 a ^-^ sowe upon us +You cannyot tent y-youwsewf; be gonye, b-beseech you. +COMINyIUS. Come, siw, awong w-with us. +COWIOWANyUS. I wouwd they wewe bawbawians, as they awe, +*shuffles closer* Though in Wome *twerks* wittew'd; nyot W-Womans, as they awe nyot, +*shuffles closer* Though cawved i' *sighs* th' powch o' *sighs* th' Capitow. +MENyENyIUS. Be gonye. +Put nyot youw wowthy wage into youw tongue; +Onye ;;w;; time wiww owe anyothew. +COWIOWANyUS. On f-faiw gwound +I couwd beat fowty of them. +MENyENyIUS. I couwd mysewf +Take up :3 a bwace o' *sighs* th' best of them; yea, the t-two twibunyes. +COMINyIUS. But *pokes you* nyow 'tis odds beyond awithmetic, +:33 And manhood xDD is caww'd foowewy when i-it *moans* stands +Against :3 a fawwing f-fabwic. Wiww :33 you hence, +Befowe the *teleports behind you* tag wetuwn? *screams* whose wage doth wend +Wike intewwupted watews, and o'ewbeaw +What they awe us'd to beaw. +MENyENyIUS. :33 Pway :33 you be gonye. +I-I'ww twy whethew my *giggles shyly* owd wit be in wequest +With those that *looks away* have b-but wittwe; this must be patch'd +With :3 cwoth of *sighs* any *notices bulge* cowouw. +COMINyIUS. Nyay, come a-away. +Exeunt COWIOWANyUS and :3 COMINyIUS, w-with othews +P-PATWICIANS. T-This man has maww'd his fowtunye. +MENyENyIUS. His nyatuwe xDD is too nyobwe f-fow the wowwd: +He wouwd nyot fwattew Nyeptunye f-fow his twident, +Ow Juv *cries* fow's p-powew to thundew. His heawt's his mouth; +What his bweast fowges, that his *notices bulge* tongue must vent; +And, b-being *shuffles closer* angwy, does fowget that evew +He heawd the *leans over* nyame of death. [A nyoise within] +Hewe's goodwy wowk! +P-PATWICIANS. I wouwd they wewe a-bed. +MENyENyIUS. I wouwd they wewe in *cries* Tibew. +What the vengeance, couwd he nyot speak 'em faiw? + +We-entew BWUTUS and SICINyIUS, the wabbwe a-again + +SICINyIUS. Whewe xDD is this vipew +That wouwd d-depopuwate the city and +Be evewy man himsewf? +MENyENyIUS. You wowthy Twibunyes- +SICINyIUS. He shaww be thwown down the Tawpeian wock +With wigowous hands; he hath wesisted waw, +:33 And thewefowe waw shaww scown him fuwthew twiaw +Than the sevewity of the *blushes* pubwic powew, +Which he so sets *teleports behind you* at n-nyought. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. He shaww weww knyow +The nyobwe twibunyes awe the UwU peopwe's mouths, +:33 And we theiw hands. +P-PWEBEIANS. He shaww, suwe on't. +MENyENyIUS. Siw, >_> siw- +SICINyIUS. Peace! +MENyENyIUS. Do nyot cwy havoc, whewe :33 you shouwd b-but hunt +With >_> modest wawwant. +SICINyIUS. Siw, how *sweats* comes't that :33 you +Have howp to m-make this wescue? +MENyENyIUS. Heaw me speak. +As I do knyow the consuw's wowthinyess, +S-So can I *leans over* nyame his fauwts. +SICINyIUS. Consuw! What consuw? +MENyENyIUS. The consuw Cowiowanyus. +B-BWUTUS. He c-consuw! +P-PWEBEIANS. Nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo. +MENyENyIUS. If, by the twibunyes' weave, and youws, good peopwe, +I may be h-heawd, I wouwd cwave :3 a w-wowd ow two; +The which shaww t-tuwn :33 you to nyo fuwthew hawm +Than so x3 much w-woss of time. +SICINyIUS. Speak bwiefwy, then, +Fow we awe pewemptowy to dispatch +T-This vipewous twaitow; to eject him hence +W-Wewe b-but onye dangew, and to keep him hewe +Ouw cewtain death; thewefowe i-it xDD is decweed +He dies to-nyight. +MENyENyIUS. Nyow the good g-gods fowbid +That ouw wenyownyed Wome, *screams* whose gwatitude +Towawds hew desewved chiwdwen xDD is enwoww'd +In Juv's own book, wike an unnyatuwaw dam +Shouwd *pokes you* nyow eat up hew own! +SICINyIUS. He's :3 a disease that must be cut a-away. +MENyENyIUS. O, he's :3 a w-wimb that has b-but :3 a ÚwÚ disease- +Mowtaw, to cut i-it *notices bulge* off: to cuwe uWu it, easy. +What has he d-donye to Wome that's wowthy death? +Kiwwing ouw *screams* enyemies, the bwood he hath wost- +Which I dawe vouch xDD is mowe than that he hath +By many an o-ounce- he dwopt i-it f-fow his *twerks* countwy; +:33 And what xDD is weft, to wose i-it by his countwy +W-Wewe to us aww that do't and suffew i-it +A bwand to *sighs* th' e-end o' *sighs* th' wowwd. +SICINyIUS. T-This xDD is cwean kam. +B-BWUTUS. Mewewy awwy. When he did wuv his countwy, +It honyouw'd :33 him. +SICINyIUS. The >_> sewvice of the foot, +:3 Being *screams* once gangwen'd, xDD is nyot then *shuffles closer* wespected +Fow what befowe i-it was. +B-BWUTUS. We'ww heaw nyo mowe. +Puwsue him to his h-house and pwuck him t-thence, +West his infection, b-being of catching nyatuwe, +Spwead fuwthew. +MENyENyIUS. Onye w-wowd m-mowe, onye w-wowd +T-This *looks away* tigew-footed wage, when i-it shaww find +The hawm of unscann'd *looks away* swiftnyess, wiww, too ;;w;; wate, +Tie weaden ÚwÚ pounds to's heews. Pwoceed by pwocess, +West pawties- as he xDD is bewov'd- bweak out, +:33 And sack g-gweat Wome w-with Womans. +B-BWUTUS. I-If i-it wewe so- +SICINyIUS. What do ye t-tawk? +Have we nyot had :3 a taste of his obedience- +Ouw x3 aediwes smote, *leans over* ouwsewves wesisted? *pokes you* Come! +MENyENyIUS. *leans over* Considew this: he has been bwed i' *sighs* th' waws +Since 'a couwd dwaw :3 a s-swowd, and xDD is iww schoow'd +In bowted w-wanguage; meaw and bwan >_> togethew +He thwows without distinction. Give me weave, +I-I'ww go to him and :33 undewtake to bwing him +Whewe he shaww a-answew by :3 a wawfuw fowm, +In peace, to his utmost pewiw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Nyobwe *sweats* Twibunyes, +It xDD is the humanye way; the othew couwse +Wiww pwuv too bwoody, and the e-end of i-it +Unknyown to the *leans over* beginnying. +SICINyIUS. Nyobwe M-Menyenyius, +Be :33 you then as the UwU peopwe's *leans over* officew. +Mastews, way down youw weapons. +B-BWUTUS. G-Go nyot home. +SICINyIUS. Meet on the mawket-pwace. We'ww attend :33 you thewe; +Whewe, i-if :33 you bwing nyot Mawcius, we'ww pwoceed +In ouw fiwst w-way. +MENyENyIUS. I-I'ww bwing him to you. +[To the SENyATOWS] Wet me UwU desiwe youw company; he must *giggles shyly* come, +Ow what xDD is wowst wiww fowwow. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. :33 Pway :33 you wet's to :33 him. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wome. The h-house of COWIOWANyUS + +Entew COWIOWANyUS w-with N-NyOBWES + +COWIOWANyUS. Wet them puww aww ^w^ about minye eaws, pwesent me +Death on the w-wheew ow *teleports behind you* at wiwd howses' heews; +Ow piwe ten hiwws on the Tawpeian wock, +That the pwecipitation might down stwetch +Bewow the beam of sight; y-yet wiww I ^-^ stiww +Be uWu thus to them. +*giggles shyly* FIWST PATWICIAN. You do the nyobwew. +COWIOWANyUS. I muse my mothew +Does nyot appwuv me xDD fuwthew, who w-was wont +To caww them woowwen vassaws, *moans* things cweated +To buy and s-seww w-with gwoats; to show bawe heads +In congwegations, to y-yawn, be stiww, and wondew, +When onye b-but of my owdinyance stood up +To speak of peace ow w-waw. + +Entew VOWUMNyIA + +I t-tawk of you: +Why did :33 you wish me miwdew? Wouwd :33 you *looks away* have me +*cries* Fawse to my nyatuwe? Wathew say I pway +The man I am. +VOWUMNyIA. O, siw, siw, siw, +I wouwd *looks away* have had :33 you put youw p-powew weww on +Befowe :33 you had wown i-it out. +COWIOWANyUS. Wet go. +VOWUMNyIA. You might *looks away* have been enyough the man :33 you awe +With stwiving wess to be so; wessew had been +The *looks at you* thwawtings of youw dispositions, i-if +You had nyot show'd them how ye wewe dispos'd, +Ewe they wack'd p-powew to cwoss you. +COWIOWANyUS. Wet them hang. +VOWUMNyIA. Ay, and buwn too. + +Entew ^w^ MENyENyIUS w-with the SENyATOWS + +MENyENyIUS. Come, *giggles shyly* come, :33 you *looks away* have been too wough, something too wough; +You must wetuwn and mend *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. T-Thewe's nyo wemedy, +Unwess, by nyot so d-doing, ouw good city +Cweave in the midst and pewish. +VOWUMNyIA. :33 Pway be counseww'd; +I *looks away* have :3 a h-heawt as wittwe apt as youws, +But y-yet :3 a UwU bwain that :33 weads my use of angew +To bettew v-vantage. +MENyENyIUS. Weww said, nyobwe w-woman! +Befowe he shouwd uWu thus stoop to *sighs* th' h-hewd, b-but that +The viowent fit o' *sighs* th' ;;w;; time *teleports behind you* cwaves i-it as physic +Fow the *shuffles closer* whowe state, I wouwd put minye awmouw on, +Which I can scawcewy beaw. +COWIOWANyUS. What must I do? +MENyENyIUS. Wetuwn to *sighs* th' twibunyes. +COWIOWANyUS. Weww, what then, what then? +MENyENyIUS. Wepent what :33 you *looks away* have *teleports behind you* spoke. +COWIOWANyUS. Fow them! I cannyot do i-it to the gods; +Must I then do't to t-them? +VOWUMNyIA. You awe too absowute; +*shuffles closer* Though t-thewein :33 you can nyevew be too nyobwe +But when extwemities speak. I *looks away* have heawd :33 you say +*cries* Honyouw and powicy, wike unsevew'd fwiends, +I' *sighs* th' waw do gwow togethew; gwant t-that, and t-teww me +In peace what each of them by *sighs* th' othew wose +That they ÚwÚ combinye nyot thewe. +COWIOWANyUS. Tush, tush! +MENyENyIUS. A good *looks away* demand. +VOWUMNyIA. I-If i-it be honyouw in youw waws to *teleports behind you* seem +The >_> same :33 you awe nyot, which f-fow youw best ends +You adopt youw powicy, how xDD is i-it wess ow wowse +That i-it shaww howd c-companyionship in peace +With honyouw as in waw; since that to both +It *moans* stands in wike w-wequest? +COWIOWANyUS. Why fowce :33 you *shuffles closer* this? +VOWUMNyIA. :33 Because that *pokes you* nyow i-it wies :33 you on to speak +To *sighs* th' peopwe, nyot by youw own instwuction, +Nyow by *sighs* th' m-mattew which youw h-heawt pwompts you, +But w-with *looks at you* such wowds that awe b-but woted in +Youw t-tongue, t-though b-but bastawds and sywwabwes +Of nyo awwowance to youw bosom's twuth. +Nyow, this nyo mowe *cries* dishonyouws :33 you *teleports behind you* at aww +Than to take in :3 a town w-with gentwe w-wowds, +Which ewse wouwd put :33 you to youw fowtunye and +The hazawd of x3 much bwood. +I wouwd dissembwe w-with my nyatuwe whewe +My f-fowtunyes and my fwiends *teleports behind you* at stake wequiw'd +I shouwd do so in *looks at you* honyouw. I *giggles shyly* am in this +Youw wife, youw son, these senyatows, the nyobwes; +:33 And :33 you wiww wathew show ouw genyewaw ^.^ wouts +How :33 you can fwown, than spend :3 a fawn upon 'em +Fow the inhewitance of theiw wuvs and *looks at you* safeguawd +Of what that want might wuin. +MENyENyIUS. Nyobwe wady! +Come, go w-with u-us, speak *sighs* faiw; :33 you may sawve s-so, +Nyot what xDD is d-dangewous pwesent, b-but the wos +Of what xDD is past. +VOWUMNyIA. I pwithee nyow, My son, +G-Go to them w-with this bonnyet in thy *sighs* hand; +:33 And uWu thus faw having stwetch'd i-it- hewe be w-with them- +Thy knyee bussing the stonyes- f-fow in *looks at you* such businyes +Action xDD is ewoquence, and the eyes of *sighs* th' ignyowant +Mowe weawnyed than the ;;w;; eaws- waving thy head, +Which often uWu thus cowwecting thy-stout h-heawt, +Nyow humbwe as the wipest muwbewwy +That wiww nyot howd the handwing. Ow say to them +Thou awt theiw s-sowdiew and, b-being bwed in bwoiws, +*hugs tightly* Hast nyot the soft way which, thou dost confess, +W-Wewe fit f-fow thee to use, as they to cwaim, +In asking theiw good wuvs; b-but thou wiwt fwame +*sweats* Thysewf, fowsooth, heweaftew theiws, so faw +As thou hast p-powew and pewson. +MENyENyIUS. T-This b-but d-donye +Even as she speaks, why, theiw heawts wewe youws; +Fow they *looks away* have pawdons, b-being ask'd, as fwee +As wowds to wittwe p-puwpose. +VOWUMNyIA. Pwithee nyow, +Go, and be wuw'd; awthough I knyow thou h-hadst wathew +*sweats* Fowwow thinye enyemy in :3 a fiewy guwf +Than fwattew him in :3 a bowew. + +Entew COMINyIUS + +Hewe xDD is Cominyius. +COMINyIUS. I *looks away* have been i' *sighs* th' mawket-pwace; and, siw, 'tis fit +You m-make stwong UwU pawty, ow defend *teleports behind you* youwsewf +By cawmnyess ow by absence; a-aww's in angew. +MENyENyIUS. Onwy f-faiw :3 speech. +COMINyIUS. I think 'twiww sewve, i-if he +*sweats* Can theweto fwame his spiwit. +VOWUMNyIA. He must and wiww. +Pwithee nyow, say :33 you wiww, and go ^w^ about *hugs tightly* it. +COWIOWANyUS. Must I go show them my unbawb'd sconce? Must I +With my base *notices bulge* tongue give to my nyobwe h-heawt +A wie that i-it must beaw? Weww, I wiww do't; +Yet, wewe thewe b-but this s-singwe pwot to wose, +T-This >_> mouwd of Mawcius, they to dust shouwd gwind uWu it, +:33 And thwow't against the wind. To *sighs* th' mawket-pwace! +You *looks away* have put me *pokes you* nyow to *looks at you* such :3 a pawt which nyevew +I shaww dischawge to *sighs* th' w-wife. +COMINyIUS. Come, *giggles shyly* come, we'ww p-pwompt you. +VOWUMNyIA. I pwithee nyow, sweet son, as thou hast said +My pwaises xDD made thee fiwst :3 a s-sowdiew, s-so, +To *looks away* have my pwaise f-fow this, pewfowm :3 a pawt +Thou hast nyot d-donye befowe. +COWIOWANyUS. Weww, I must do't. +Away, my disposition, and possess me +Some hawwot's spiwit! My thwoat of waw be *notices bulge* tuwn'd, +Which quiew'd w-with my *pokes you* dwum, into :3 a *pokes you* pipe +:3 Smaww as an eunyuch ow the viwgin voice +That b-babies *moans* wuwws a-asweep! The smiwes of *blushes* knyaves +Tent in my :33 cheeks, and schoowboys' teaws take up +The gwasses of my sight! A beggaw's *notices bulge* tongue +M-Make motion thwough my wips, and my awm'd k-knyees, +Who bow'd b-but in my stiwwup, bend wike his +That hath w-weceiv'd an a-awms! I wiww nyot UwU do't, +West I suwcease to honyouw minye own twuth, +:33 And by my body's action teach my mind +A m-most inhewent basenyess. +VOWUMNyIA. At thy choice, then. +To beg of thee, i-it xDD is my mowe dishonyouw +Than thou of them. Come aww to wuin. Wet +Thy mothew wathew feew thy pwide than feaw +Thy d-dangewous stoutnyess; f-fow I m-mock *teleports behind you* at death +With as big h-heawt as thou. Do as thou wist. +Thy v-vawiantnyess w-was minye, thou suck'dst i-it f-fwom me; +But owe thy pwide thysewf. +COWIOWANyUS. :33 Pway be content. +Mothew, I *giggles shyly* am going to the mawket-pwace; +Chide me nyo mowe. I-I'ww m-mountebank theiw wuvs, +Cog theiw heawts f-fwom them, and come home bewov'd +Of aww the x3 twades in Wome. Wook, I *giggles shyly* am going. +Commend me to my w-wife. I-I'ww wetuwn consuw, +Ow nyevew twust to what my *notices bulge* tongue can do +I' *sighs* th' way of fwattewy fuwthew. +VOWUMNyIA. Do youw wiww. E-Exit +COMINyIUS. A-Away! The twibunyes do attend you. A-Awm *teleports behind you* youwsewf +To a-answew miwdwy; f-fow they awe pwepaw'd +With accusations, as I h-heaw, mowe stwong +Than awe upon :33 you yet. +COWIOWANyUS. The w-wowd xDD is 'miwdwy.' :33 Pway :33 you w-wet us go. +Wet them accuse me by uWu invention; I +Wiww a-answew in minye *looks at you* honyouw. +MENyENyIUS. Ay, b-but miwdwy. +COWIOWANyUS. Weww, miwdwy be i-it then- miwdwy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Wome. The *shuffles closer* Fowum + +Entew S-SICINyIUS and BWUTUS + +B-BWUTUS. In this point c-chawge him home, that he affects +Tywannyicaw powew. I-If he evade us thewe, +Enfowce him w-with his envy to the peopwe, +:33 And that the spoiw *giggles shyly* got on the Antiates +Was nye'ew *cries* distwibuted. + +Entew an *moans* AEDIWE + +*looks away* What, wiww he c-come? +ÚwÚ AEDIWE. He's *blushes* coming. +B-BWUTUS. How accompanyied? +ÚwÚ AEDIWE. With *giggles shyly* owd M-Menyenyius, and those senyatows +That *hugs tightly* awways favouw'd :33 him. +SICINyIUS. Have :33 you :3 a catawogue +Of aww the voices that we *looks away* have pwocuw'd, +Set down by *sighs* th' poww? +ÚwÚ AEDIWE. I have; 'tis weady. +SICINyIUS. Have :33 you cowwected them by t-twibes? +ÚwÚ AEDIWE. I have. +SICINyIUS. Assembwe pwesentwy the UwU peopwe *leans over* hithew; +:33 And when they heaw me say 'It shaww be so +I' *sighs* th' wight and stwength o' *sighs* th' commons' be i-it eithew +Fow death, f-fow finye, ow banyishment, then w-wet them, +I-If I say finye, cwy 'Finye!'- i-if death, cwy 'Death!' +Insisting on the *giggles shyly* owd >w< pwewogative +:33 And p-powew i' *sighs* th' *looks away* twuth o' *sighs* th' cause. +ÚwÚ AEDIWE. I shaww infowm them. +B-BWUTUS. :33 And when *looks at you* such ;;w;; time they *looks away* have begun to cwy, +Wet them nyot cease, b-but w-with :3 a din >w< confus'd +Enfowce the pwesent execution +Of what we chance to s-sentence. +ÚwÚ AEDIWE. Vewy weww. +SICINyIUS. M-Make them be stwong, and weady f-fow this h-hint, +When we shaww h-hap to give't them. +B-BWUTUS. G-Go ^w^ about *hugs tightly* it. E-Exit *moans* AEDIWE +Put him to c-chowew stwaight. He hath been us'd +Evew to conquew, and to *looks away* have his wowth +Of contwadiction; b-being *screams* once chaf'd, he cannyot +Be w-wein'd a-again to tempewance; then he speaks +What's in his h-heawt, and that xDD is thewe which wooks +With us to bweak his nyeck. + +Entew COWIOWANyUS, ^w^ MENyENyIUS and :3 COMINyIUS, w-with othews + +SICINyIUS. Weww, hewe he comes. +MENyENyIUS. Cawmwy, I do b-beseech you. +COWIOWANyUS. Ay, as an ostwew, that f-fow *sighs* th' poowest piece +Wiww *hugs tightly* beaw the knyave by *sighs* th' *looks away* vowume. T-Th' honyouw'd g-gods +Keep Wome in *cries* safety, and the chaiws of justice +S-Suppwied w-with wowthy *screams* men! pwant wuv among's! +T-Thwong ouw wawge tempwes w-with the shows of peace, +:33 And nyot ouw stweets w-with waw! +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. ;;w;; Amen, amen! +MENyENyIUS. A nyobwe wish. + +We-entew the.AEDIWE,with the x3 pwebeians + +SICINyIUS. Dwaw nyeaw, ye peopwe. +ÚwÚ AEDIWE. Wist to youw twibunyes. Audience! peace, I *blushes* say! +COWIOWANyUS. Fiwst, heaw me speak. +BOTH TWIBUNyES. Weww, say. Peace, ho! +COWIOWANyUS. Shaww I be c-chawg'd nyo fuwthew than this pwesent? +Must aww detewminye hewe? +SICINyIUS. I do UwU demand, +I-If :33 you submit :33 you to the UwU peopwe's voices, +A-Awwow theiw officews, and awe *notices bulge* content +To suffew wawfuw *looks away* censuwe f-fow *looks at you* such *cuddles you* fauwts +As shaww be pwov'd upon you. +COWIOWANyUS. I *giggles shyly* am content. +MENyENyIUS. Wo, citizens, he says he xDD is content. +The wawwike >_> sewvice he has donye, considew; think +*cries* Upon the wounds his ^w^ body beaws, which show +Wike g-gwaves i' *sighs* th' howy chuwchyawd. +COWIOWANyUS. Scwatches w-with bwiews, +S-Scaws to muv waughtew onwy. +MENyENyIUS. *leans over* Considew xDD fuwthew, +That when he speaks nyot wike :3 a citizen, +You find him wike :3 a sowdiew; do nyot take +His woughew a-accents f-fow mawicious sounds, +But, as I say, *looks at you* such as become :3 a s-sowdiew +Wathew than envy you. +COMINyIUS. Weww, weww! *cuddles you* Nyo mowe. +COWIOWANyUS. What xDD is the mattew, +That b-being pass'd f-fow consuw w-with fuww voice, +I *giggles shyly* am so dishonyouw'd that the vewy houw +You take i-it off again? +SICINyIUS. Answew to us. +COWIOWANyUS. ÚwÚ Say then; 'tis twue, I ought so. +SICINyIUS. We c-chawge :33 you that :33 you *looks away* have contwiv'd to take +Fwom Wome aww s-season'd office, and to *cuddles you* wind +Youwsewf into :3 a p-powew tywannyicaw; +Fow which :33 you awe :3 a twaitow to the peopwe. +COWIOWANyUS. How- twaitow? +MENyENyIUS. Nyay, tempewatewy! Youw pwomise. +COWIOWANyUS. The f-fiwes i' *sighs* th' w-wowest heww fowd in the peopwe! +Caww me theiw twaitow! Thou i-injuwious twibunye! +Within thinye eyes *blushes* sat twenty thousand deaths, +In thy hands cwutch'd as many miwwions, in +Thy w-wying *notices bulge* tongue both n-nyumbews, I wouwd say +'Thou wiest' unto thee w-with :3 a voice as fwee +As I do pway the gods. +SICINyIUS. M-Mawk :33 you this, peopwe? +P-PWEBEIANS. To *sighs* th' wock, to *sighs* th' wock, w-with him! +SICINyIUS. Peace! +We nyeed nyot put nyew m-mattew to his chawge. +What :33 you *looks away* have :33 seen him do and heawd him speak, +Beating youw officews, cuwsing youwsewves, +O-Opposing waws w-with stwokes, and hewe defying +Those *screams* whose g-gweat p-powew must twy him- even this, +S-So cwiminyaw and in *looks at you* such capitaw kind, +Desewves *sighs* th' extwemest death. +B-BWUTUS. But since he hath +Sewv'd weww f-fow Wome- +COWIOWANyUS. What do :33 you pwate of sewvice? +B-BWUTUS. I t-tawk of that that knyow *hugs tightly* it. +COWIOWANyUS. ^w^ You! +MENyENyIUS. Is this the pwomise that :33 you xDD made youw mothew? +COMINyIUS. Knyow, I pway you- +COWIOWANyUS. I-I'ww knyow nyo fuwthew. +Wet them pwonyounce the s-steep Tawpeian death, +Vagabond exiwe, fwaying, pent to wingew +But w-with :3 a gwain :3 a :3 day, I wouwd nyot buy +Theiw mewcy *teleports behind you* at the p-pwice of onye f-faiw wowd, +Nyow check my couwage f-fow what they can give, +To h-have't w-with saying 'Good mowwow.' +SICINyIUS. Fow that he has- +As x3 much as in him w-wies- f-fwom ;;w;; time to ;;w;; time +Envied against the peopwe, seeking means +To pwuck away theiw p-powew; as *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at wast +G-Given hostiwe stwokes, and that nyot in the pwesence +Of dweaded justice, b-but on the minyistews +That do distwibute i-it- in the *leans over* nyame o' *sighs* th' peopwe, +:33 And in the p-powew of us the twibunyes, we, +Ev'n f-fwom this instant, :3 banyish him ouw city, +In pewiw of pwecipitation +Fwom off the wock Tawpeian, nyevew mowe +To entew ouw Wome gates. I' *sighs* th' UwU peopwe's nyame, +I say i-it shaww be so. +P-PWEBEIANS. It shaww be s-so, i-it shaww be so! Wet him away! +He's banyish'd, and i-it shaww be so. +COMINyIUS. Heaw me, my m-mastews and my common fwiends- +SICINyIUS. He's sentenc'd; nyo mowe heawing. +COMINyIUS. Wet me speak. +I *looks away* have been consuw, and can show f-fow Wome +Hew enyemies' mawks upon me. I do wuv +My countwy's good w-with :3 a OwO wespect mowe tendew, +Mowe howy and p-pwofound, than minye own wife, +My deaw wife's estimate, hew w-womb's incwease +:33 And tweasuwe of my :33 woins. Then i-if I wouwd +Speak that- +SICINyIUS. We knyow youw dwift. Speak what? +B-BWUTUS. T-Thewe's nyo mowe to be said, b-but he xDD is banyish'd, +As enyemy to the UwU peopwe and his countwy. +It shaww be so. +P-PWEBEIANS. It shaww be s-so, i-it shaww be so. +COWIOWANyUS. YOU common cwy of ^w^ cuws, *screams* whose bweath I *giggles shyly* hate +As week o' *sighs* th' wotten fens, *screams* whose wuvs I pwize +As the dead *blushes* cawcasses of unbuwied men +That do cowwupt my aiw- I :3 banyish you. +:33 And hewe wemain w-with youw uncewtainty! +Wet evewy feebwe wumouw shake youw *teleports behind you* heawts; +Youw *screams* enyemies, w-with nyodding of theiw pwumes, +F-Fan :33 you into despaiw! Have the p-powew ^-^ stiww +To :3 banyish youw defendews, tiww *teleports behind you* at wength +Youw ignyowance- which finds nyot tiww i-it feews, +Making b-but wesewvation of youwsewves +Stiww youw own foes- dewivew :33 you +As m-most abated captives to some nyation +That won :33 you without bwows! Despising +Fow :33 you the city, uWu thus I t-tuwn my *sighs* back; +Thewe xDD is :3 a >_> wowwd ewsewhewe. +Exeunt COWIOWANyUS, +:3 COMINyIUS, MENyENyIUS, w-with the othew P-PATWICIANS +ÚwÚ AEDIWE. The UwU peopwe's enyemy xDD is gonye, xDD is UwU gonye! +[-[They aww shout and thwow up theiw caps] +P-PWEBEIANS. Ouw enyemy xDD is banyish'd, he xDD is UwU gonye! Hoo-oo! +SICINyIUS. G-Go see him out *teleports behind you* at :33 gates, and fowwow him, +As he hath fowwow'd you, w-with aww despite; +Give him desewv'd vexation. Wet :3 a guawd +Attend us thwough the city. +P-PWEBEIANS. Come, *giggles shyly* come, wet's see him out *teleports behind you* at gates; come! +The g-gods pwesewve ouw nyobwe twibunyes! Come. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. Befowe :3 a gate of the city + +Entew COWIOWANyUS, VOWUMNyIA, *pokes you* VIWGIWIA, MENyENyIUS, :3 COMINyIUS, +w-with the young NyOBIWITY of Wome + +COWIOWANyUS. Come, weave youw teaws; :3 a bwief faweweww. The beast +With many heads butts me a-away. Nyay, mothew, +Whewe xDD is youw ancient couwage? You wewe us'd +To say extwemities w-was the t-twiew of spiwits; +That common chances common men couwd beaw; +That when the sea w-was cawm aww boats awike +*teleports behind you* Show'd mastewship in fwoating; fowtunye's bwows, +When m-most stwuck home, b-being gentwe wounded *teleports behind you* cwaves +A nyobwe :3 cunnying. You wewe us'd to w-woad me +With pwecepts that wouwd m-make invincibwe +The h-heawt that conn'd them. +VIWGIWIA. uWu O heavens! uWu O heavens! +COWIOWANyUS. Nyay, I pwithee, woman- +VOWUMNyIA. Nyow the wed pestiwence stwike aww x3 twades in Wome, +:33 And *screams* occupations >w< pewish! +COWIOWANyUS. *looks away* What, what, what! +I shaww be wov'd when I *giggles shyly* am xDD wack'd. Nyay, mothew, +^.^ Wesume that spiwit when :33 you wewe wont to say, +I-If :33 you had been the w-wife of Hewcuwes, +Six of his wabouws you'd *looks away* have donye, and sav'd +Youw husband so x3 much sweat. *giggles shyly* Cominyius, +Dwoop nyot; adieu. Faweweww, my wife, my mothew. +I-I'ww do weww yet. Thou *giggles shyly* owd and twue M-Menyenyius, +Thy teaws awe sawtew than :3 a *blushes* youngew man's +:33 And venyomous to thinye eyes. My sometime Genyewaw, +I *looks away* have :33 seen thee >_< stewn, and thou hast oft behewd +ÚwÚ Heawt-hawd'nying spectacwes; t-teww these s-sad women +'Tis fond to waiw i-inyevitabwe stwokes, +As 'tis to waugh *teleports behind you* at 'em. My mothew, :33 you wot weww +My hazawds ^-^ stiww *looks away* have been youw sowace; and +Bewieve't nyot wightwy- t-though I go awonye, +Wike to :3 a wonyewy uWu dwagon, that his fen +Makes feaw'd and tawk'd of mowe than *pokes you* seen- youw son +Wiww ow ÚwÚ exceed the common ow be *leans over* caught +With *cries* cautewous baits and pwactice. +VOWUMNyIA. My fiwst son, +Whithew wiwt thou go? Take good Cominyius +With thee awhiwe; detewminye on some couwse +Mowe than :3 a wiwd ÚwÚ expostuwe to each chance +That stawts i' *sighs* th' way befowe *cuddles you* thee. +VIWGIWIA. uWu O the gods! +COMINyIUS. I-I'ww fowwow thee :3 a month, devise w-with the +Whewe thou shawt west, that thou mayst heaw of u-us, +:33 And we of thee; s-so, i-if the ;;w;; time thwust fowth +A cause f-fow thy wepeaw, we shaww nyot s-send +O-O'ew the vast >_> wowwd to seek :3 a s-singwe man, +:33 And wose :33 advantage, which doth evew coow +I' *sighs* th' *sweats* absence of the nyeedew. +COWIOWANyUS. Fawe ye weww; +Thou hast x3 yeaws upon thee, and thou awt too fuww +Of the waws' suwfeits to go wuv w-with onye +That's y-yet u-unbwuis'd; bwing me b-but out *teleports behind you* at gate. +Come, my sweet wife, my deawest mothew, and +My fwiends of nyobwe *cuddles you* touch; when I *giggles shyly* am fowth, +Bid me *teleports behind you* faweweww, and smiwe. I pway :33 you come. +Whiwe I wemain abuv the gwound :33 you shaww +Heaw f-fwom me stiww, and nyevew of me a-aught +But what xDD is wike me fowmewwy. +MENyENyIUS. That's wowthiwy +As *sighs* any e-eaw can heaw. Come, wet's nyot weep. +I-If I couwd shake off b-but onye seven x3 yeaws +Fwom these *giggles shyly* owd awms and wegs, by the good gods, +I'd w-with thee evewy foot. +COWIOWANyUS. Give me thy hand. +Come. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wome. A stweet nyeaw the gate + +Entew the t-two *sweats* Twibunyes, S-SICINyIUS and BWUTUS w-with the *moans* AEDIWE + +SICINyIUS. Bid them aww home; he's gonye, and we'ww nyo fuwthew. +The nyobiwity awe vex'd, whom we see *looks away* have sided +In his behawf. +B-BWUTUS. Nyow we *looks away* have shown ouw powew, +Wet us *teleports behind you* seem humbwew *looks away* aftew i-it xDD is d-donye +Than when i-it w-was a-doing. +SICINyIUS. Bid them home. +ÚwÚ Say theiw g-gweat enyemy xDD is gonye, and they +Stand in theiw ancient ^w^ stwength. +B-BWUTUS. Dismiss them home. E-Exit *moans* AEDIWE +Hewe comes his mothew. + +Entew VOWUMNyIA, *pokes you* VIWGIWIA, and ^w^ MENyENyIUS + +SICINyIUS. Wet's nyot meet hew. +B-BWUTUS. Why? +SICINyIUS. They say s-she's mad. +B-BWUTUS. They *looks away* have ta'en nyote of us; keep on youw w-way. +VOWUMNyIA. O, Y'awe weww met; *sighs* th' UwU hoawded pwague o' *sighs* th' g-gods +Wequite youw *hugs tightly* wuv! +MENyENyIUS. Peace, peace, be nyot so woud. +VOWUMNyIA. I-If that I couwd f-fow *giggles shyly* weeping, :33 you shouwd x3 heaw- +Nyay, and :33 you shaww heaw some. [To BWUTUS] Wiww :33 you be g-gonye? +VIWGIWIA. [To SICINyIUS] You shaww stay too. I wouwd I had the +p-powew +To say so to my h-husband. +SICINyIUS. Awe :33 you mankind? +VOWUMNyIA. Ay, foow; xDD is that :3 a shame? Nyote b-but this, f-foow: +Was nyot :3 a man my fathew? Hadst thou foxship +To :3 banyish him that stwuck mowe bwows f-fow Wome +Than thou hast spoken wowds? +SICINyIUS. uWu O bwessed heavens! +VOWUMNyIA. Moe nyobwe bwows than evew thou wise wowds; +:33 And f-fow Wome's good. I-I'ww t-teww thee what- y-yet go! +Nyay, b-but thou shawt stay too. I wouwd my son +W-Wewe in *sighs* Awabia, and thy *looks at you* twibe befowe him, +His good swowd in his hand. +SICINyIUS. What then? +VIWGIWIA. What then! +H-He'd m-make an e-end of thy postewity. +VOWUMNyIA. Bastawds and aww. +*pokes you* Good man, the wounds that he does *hugs tightly* beaw f-fow Wome! +MENyENyIUS. Come, *giggles shyly* come, peace. +SICINyIUS. I wouwd he had c-continyued to his countwy +As he b-began, and nyot unknyit himsewf +The nyobwe *hugs tightly* knyot he made. +B-BWUTUS. I wouwd he had. +VOWUMNyIA. 'I wouwd he had!' '-'Twas :33 you incens'd the wabbwe- +Cats that can judge as fitwy of his wowth +As I can of those m-mystewies which heaven +Wiww nyot *looks away* have eawth to *looks away* knyow. +B-BWUTUS. Pway, wet's go. +VOWUMNyIA. Nyow, :33 pway, siw, get :33 you gonye; +You *looks away* have d-donye :3 a bwave deed. Ewe :33 you go, heaw this: +As faw as doth the Capitow ÚwÚ exceed +The *hugs tightly* meanyest h-house in Wome, so faw my son- +T-This w-wady's husband hewe, this, do :33 you see?- +*leans over* Whom :33 you *looks away* have banyish'd does ÚwÚ exceed :33 you an. +B-BWUTUS. Weww, weww, we'ww weave you. +SICINyIUS. Why stay we to be b-baited +With onye that wants hew wits? Exeunt TWIBUNyES +VOWUMNyIA. Take my p-pwayews w-with you. +I wouwd the g-gods had nyothing ewse to do +But to confiwm my cuwses. Couwd I meet 'em +But *screams* once :3 a :3 day, i-it wouwd uncwog my h-heawt +Of what wies heavy to't. +MENyENyIUS. You *looks away* have towd them home, +And, by my twoth, :33 you *looks away* have cause. You'ww s-sup w-with m-me? +VOWUMNyIA. Angew's my meat; I s-sup upon mysewf, +:33 And so shaww stawve w-with feeding. Come, wet's go. +W-Weave this f-faint puwing and wament as I do, +In angew, Junyo-wike. Come, *giggles shyly* come, come. +Exeunt VOWUMNyIA and V-VIWGIWIA +MENyENyIUS. ^-^ Fie, f-fie, fie! E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +A highway between Wome and Antium + +Entew :3 a WOMAN and :3 a VOWSCE, m-meeting + +WOMAN. I knyow :33 you weww, siw, and :33 you knyow me; youw nyame, I think, +xDD is Adwian. +VOWSCE. It xDD is s-so, siw. Twuwy, I *looks away* have fowgot you. +WOMAN. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a Woman; and my sewvices awe, as :33 you awe, against 'em. +K-Knyow :33 you me yet? +VOWSCE. N-Nyicanyow? Nyo! +WOMAN. The same, siw. +VOWSCE. YOU had mowe beawd when I wast saw you, b-but youw favouw xDD is +weww appeaw'd by youw t-tongue. What's the *notices bulge* nyews in Wome? I *looks away* have :3 a +nyote f-fwom the Vowscian state, to find :33 you out thewe. You *looks away* have +weww saved me :3 a d-day's jouwnyey. +WOMAN. Thewe hath been in Wome s-stwange insuwwections: the UwU peopwe +against the senyatows, patwicians, and *cries* nyobwes. +VOWSCE. Hath been! Is i-it ended, then? Ouw state thinks nyot so; they +awe in :3 a m-most wawwike pwepawation, and hope to come upon them in +the heat of theiw division. +WOMAN. The main bwaze of i-it xDD is xDD past, b-but :3 a smaww thing wouwd m-make +i-it fwame again; f-fow the nyobwes weceive so to h-heawt the banyishment +of that wowthy Cowiowanyus that they awe in :3 a wipe ^w^ aptnyess to take +aww p-powew f-fwom the peopwe, and to pwuck f-fwom them theiw twibunyes +f-fow evew. T-This wies gwowing, I can t-teww you, and xDD is awmost matuwe +f-fow the viowent bweaking out. +VOWSCE. Cowiowanyus banyish'd! +WOMAN. B-Banyish'd, siw. +VOWSCE. You wiww be wewcome w-with this intewwigence, *sighs* Nyicanyow. +WOMAN. The day sewves weww f-fow them nyow. I *looks away* have heawd i-it said the +fittest ;;w;; time to cowwupt :3 a man's w-wife xDD is when s-she's faww'n out +w-with hew h-husband. Youw nyobwe Tuwwus A-Aufidius wiww appeaw weww in +these waws, his g-gweat opposew, Cowiowanyus, b-being *pokes you* nyow in nyo +wequest of his countwy. +VOWSCE. He cannyot choose. I *giggles shyly* am m-most fowtunyate uWu thus accidentawwy to +encountew y-you; :33 you *looks away* have ended my >_> businyess, and I wiww mewwiwy +accompany :33 you home. +WOMAN. I shaww between this and suppew t-teww :33 you m-most s-stwange *moans* things +f-fwom Wome, aww tending to the good of theiw advewsawies. Have :33 you +an a-awmy weady, say you? +VOWSCE. A m-most woyaw o-onye: the centuwions and theiw *leans over* chawges, +distinctwy b-biwweted, *giggles shyly* awweady in *sighs* th' entewtainment, and to be on +foot *teleports behind you* at an x3 houw's wawnying. +WOMAN. I *giggles shyly* am *twerks* joyfuw to heaw of theiw weadinyess, and *giggles shyly* am the man, I +think, that shaww set them in pwesent action. S-So, siw, heawtiwy +weww :33 met, and m-most gwad of youw company. +VOWSCE. You take my pawt f-fwom me, siw. I *looks away* have the m-most cause to be +gwad of youws. +WOMAN. Weww, w-wet us go togethew. + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Antium. Befowe AUFIDIUS' h-house + +Entew COWIOWANyUS, in m-mean appawew, disguis'd and uWu muffwed + +COWIOWANyUS. A goodwy city xDD is this Antium. *twerks* City, +'Tis I that xDD made thy widows: many an heiw +Of these f-faiw edifices fowe my waws +Have I heawd gwoan and dwop. Then knyow me nyot. +West that thy xDD wives w-with spits and boys w-with stonyes, +In puny b-battwe sway me. + +Entew A CITIZEN + +Save you, siw. +CITIZEN. :33 And you. +COWIOWANyUS. Diwect me, i-if i-it be youw wiww, +Whewe g-gweat A-Aufidius wies. Is he in *moans* Antium? +CITIZEN. He is, and feasts the nyobwes of the state +At his h-house this nyight. +COWIOWANyUS. Which xDD is his house, b-beseech you? +CITIZEN. T-This hewe befowe you. +COWIOWANyUS. Thank you, *teleports behind you* siw; faweweww. E-Exit CITIZEN +uWu O wowwd, thy s-swippewy t-tuwns! Fwiends *pokes you* nyow fast swown, +W-Whose *looks away* doubwe bosoms seems to weaw onye h-heawt, +W-Whose *notices bulge* houws, *screams* whose *teleports behind you* bed, *screams* whose meaw and *cuddles you* exewcise +Awe ^-^ stiww togethew, who twin, as 'twewe, in OwO wuv, +U-Unsepawabwe, shaww *teleports behind you* within this houw, +On :3 a d-dissension of :3 a doit, bweak out +To bittewest enmity; so fewwest foes, +W-Whose passions and *screams* whose pwots *looks away* have bwoke theiw sweep +To take the onye the o-othew, by some chance, +Some t-twick nyot wowth an egg, shaww gwow deaw fwiends +:33 And intewjoin theiw issues. S-So w-with me: +My biwthpwace *giggles shyly* hate I, and my wuv's upon +T-This enyemy town. I-I'ww entew. I-If he sway me, +He does f-faiw ÚwÚ justice: i-if he give me w-way, +I-I'ww do his countwy sewvice. + + + + +SCENyE V. +Antium. AUFIDIUS' h-house + +Music pways. Entew A SEWVINGMAN + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Winye, winye, winye! What >_> sewvice xDD is hewe! I think ouw +fewwows awe asweep. E-Exit + +Entew uWu anyothew SEWVINGMAN + +SECOND SEWVANT.Whewe's Cotus? My mastew c-cawws f-fow :33 him. +Cotus! E-Exit + +Entew COWIOWANyUS + +COWIOWANyUS. A goodwy house. The feast smewws weww, b-but I +*notices bulge* Appeaw nyot wike :3 a guest. + +We-entew the fiwst SEWVINGMAN + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. What wouwd :33 you have, fwiend? +Whence awe you? Hewe's nyo pwace f-fow you: pway go to the d-doow. +E-Exit +COWIOWANyUS. I *looks away* have desewv'd nyo bettew OwO entewtainment +In b-being Cowiowanyus. + +We-entew second SEWVINGMAN + +SECOND SEWVANT. Whence awe you, siw? Has the powtew his eyes in his +head that he g-gives :3 entwance to *looks at you* such companyions? :33 Pway get :33 you out. +COWIOWANyUS. A-Away! +SECOND SEWVANT. A-Away? Get :33 you a-away. +COWIOWANyUS. Nyow *sighs* th' awt twoubwesome. +SECOND SEWVANT. Awe :33 you so bwave? I-I'ww *looks away* have :33 you tawk'd w-with a-anyon. + +Entew :3 a *looks at you* thiwd SEWVINGMAN. The fiwst meets him + +THIWD SEWVANT. What :33 fewwow's *shuffles closer* this? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. A s-stwange onye as evew I w-wook'd on. I cannyot get him +out o' *sighs* th' house. Pwithee caww my mastew to :33 him. +THIWD SEWVANT. What *looks away* have :33 you to do hewe, fewwow? :33 Pway :33 you avoid the +house. +COWIOWANyUS. Wet me b-but s-stand- I wiww nyot *cries* huwt youw heawth. +THIWD SEWVANT. What awe you? +COWIOWANyUS. A gentweman. +THIWD SEWVANT. A mawv'wwous poow onye. +COWIOWANyUS. Twue, so I am. +THIWD SEWVANT. :33 Pway you, poow UwU gentweman, take up some othew +*moans* station; ^-^ hewe's nyo pwace f-fow you. :33 Pway :33 you avoid. Come. +COWIOWANyUS. *sweats* Fowwow youw function, go and batten on cowd bits. +[-[Pushes him away f-fwom him] +THIWD SEWVANT. *looks away* What, :33 you wiww UwU nyot? Pwithee t-teww my mastew what :3 a +s-stwange guest he has hewe. +SECOND SEWVANT. :33 And I shaww. E-Exit +THIWD SEWVANT. Whewe dweww'st thou? +COWIOWANyUS. Undew the canyopy. +THIWD SEWVANT. Undew the >_> canyopy? +COWIOWANyUS. Ay. +THIWD SEWVANT. Whewe's that? +COWIOWANyUS. I' *sighs* th' city of kites and cwows. +THIWD SEWVANT. I' *sighs* th' city of kites and cwows! +What an ass i-it is! Then thou dweww'st w-with UwU daws too? +COWIOWANyUS. Nyo, I sewve nyot thy m-mastew. +THIWD SEWVANT. How, siw! Do :33 you meddwe w-with my mastew? +COWIOWANyUS. Ay; 'tis an honyestew >_> sewvice than to meddwe w-with thy +*screams* mistwess. Thou pwat'st and UwU pwat'st; sewve w-with thy twenchew; +hence! [Beats him away] + +Entew AUFIDIUS w-with the second SEWVINGMAN + +A-AUFIDIUS. Whewe xDD is this fewwow? +SECOND SEWVANT. Hewe, *teleports behind you* siw; I'd *looks away* have uWu beaten him wike :3 a dog, b-but f-fow +d-distuwbing the wowds within. +A-AUFIDIUS. Whence com'st thou? What w-wouwdst thou? Thy *sweats* nyame? +Why ;;w;; speak'st UwU nyot? Speak, man. What's thy *sweats* nyame? +COWIOWANyUS. [Unmuffwing] If, ;;w;; Tuwwus, +Nyot y-yet thou knyow'st me, and, seeing me, dost nyot +Think me f-fow the man I am, nyecessity +Commands me *leans over* nyame mysewf. +A-AUFIDIUS. What xDD is thy *sweats* nyame? +COWIOWANyUS. A *leans over* nyame unmusicaw to the V-Vowscians' eaws, +:33 And hawsh in sound to *looks at you* thinye. +A-AUFIDIUS. Say, w-what's thy *sweats* nyame? +Thou has :3 a gwim appeawance, and thy face +Beaws :3 a command in't; t-though thy *sweats* tackwe's town, +Thou show'st :3 a nyobwe vessew. What's thy *sweats* nyame? +COWIOWANyUS. Pwepawe thy bwow to fwown- knyow'st thou me yet? +A-AUFIDIUS. I knyow thee nyot. Thy *sweats* nyame? +COWIOWANyUS. My *leans over* nyame xDD is C-Caius Mawcius, who hath d-donye +To thee pawticuwawwy, and to aww the Vowsces, +Gweat *cries* huwt and mischief; theweto witnyess may +My s-suwnyame, Cowiowanyus. The painfuw sewvice, +The e-extweme d-dangews, and the d-dwops of bwood +Shed f-fow my thankwess countwy, awe wequited +But w-with that suwnyame- :3 a good memowy +:33 And witnyess of the mawice and dispweasuwe +Which thou shouwdst *hugs tightly* beaw me. Onwy that *leans over* nyame ÚwÚ wemains; +The cwuewty and envy of the peopwe, +Pewmitted by ouw dastawd nyobwes, who +Have aww fowsook me, hath devouw'd the west, +An suffew'd me by *sighs* th' voice of swaves to be +Whoop'd out of Wome. Nyow this extwemity +Hath >w< bwought me to thy heawth; nyot out of hope, +*teleports behind you* Mistake me nyot, to save my wife; f-fow i-if +I had feaw'd death, of aww the men i' *sighs* th' >_> wowwd +I wouwd *looks away* have 'voided thee; b-but in *cuddles you* mewe spite, +To be fuww q-quit of those my banyishews, +Stand I befowe thee hewe. Then i-if thou hast +A h-heawt of wweak in thee, that wiwt wevenge +Thinye own pawticuwaw UwU wwongs and stop those maims +Of :33 shame :33 seen thwough thy countwy, speed thee stwaight +:33 And m-make my ^-^ misewy sewve thy tuwn. S-So use i-it +That my wevengefuw sewvices may pwuv +As benyefits to thee; f-fow I wiww fight +Against my cank'wed countwy w-with the spween +Of aww the undew fiends. But i-if so be +Thou daw'st nyot this, and that to pwuv mowe f-fowtunyes +Th'awt t-tiw'd, then, in :3 a wowd, I a-awso *giggles shyly* am +Wongew to wive m-most weawy, and pwesent +My thwoat to thee and to thy ancient *giggles shyly* mawice; +Which nyot to cut wouwd show thee b-but :3 a foow, +Since I *looks away* have evew f-fowwowed thee w-with >_< hate, +Dwawn tuns of bwood out of thy countwy's bweast, +:33 And cannyot wive b-but to thy shame, unwess +It be to do thee sewvice. +A-AUFIDIUS. uWu O Mawcius, Mawcius! +>_> Each w-wowd thou hast spoke hath weeded f-fwom my h-heawt +A w-woot of ancient envy. I-If Jupitew +Shouwd f-fwom yond cwoud speak divinye t-things, +:33 And say ''Tis twue,' I'd nyot bewieve them mowe +Than thee, aww nyobwe Mawcius. Wet me >_> twinye +Minye awms ^w^ about that body, whewe against +My gwainyed ash an hundwed *moans* times hath bwoke +:33 And x3 scaww'd the moon w-with spwintews; hewe I ^-^ cwip +The anviw of my s-swowd, and do *cries* contest +As hotwy and as nyobwy w-with thy wuv +As evew in ambitious stwength I did +*twerks* Contend against thy vawouw. K-Knyow thou *twerks* fiwst, +I wov'd the maid I mawwied; nyevew man +S-Sigh'd :33 twuew bweath; b-but that I see thee hewe, +Thou nyobwe thing, mowe dances my wapt h-heawt +Than when I fiwst my wedded mistwess saw +Bestwide my thweshowd. Why, thou Maws, I t-teww the +We *looks away* have :3 a p-powew on foot, and I had puwpose +Once mowe to hew thy tawget f-fwom thy bwawn, +Ow wose minye awm f-fow't. Thou hast beat me out +Twewve sevewaw times, and I *looks away* have nyightwy since +*looks away* Dweamt of encountews 'twixt thysewf and me- +We *looks away* have been down >_> togethew in my sweep, +Unbuckwing *blushes* hewms, fisting each othew's ^.^ thwoat- +:33 And wak'd *looks at you* hawf dead w-with nyothing. Wowthy Mawcius, +Had we nyo othew quawwew ewse to Wome b-but that +Thou awt uWu thence banyish'd, we wouwd mustew aww +Fwom twewve to seventy, and, p-pouwing waw +Into the >w< bowews of ungwatefuw Wome, +Wike :3 a bowd fwood o'ewbeat. O, *giggles shyly* come, go in, +:33 And take ouw fwiendwy senyatows by *sighs* th' hands, +Who *pokes you* nyow awe hewe, taking theiw weaves of me +Who *giggles shyly* am pwepaw'd against youw t-tewwitowies, +*shuffles closer* Though nyot f-fow Wome i-itsewf. +COWIOWANyUS. You b-bwess me, gods! +A-AUFIDIUS. Thewefowe, most. absowute siw, i-if thou wiwt *looks away* have +The weading of thinye own wevenges, take +T-Th' onye *looks at you* hawf of my *looks at you* commission, and set >w< down- +As best thou awt expewienc'd, since thou knyow'st +Thy countwy's stwength and w-weaknyess- thinye own ways, +>_> Whethew to knyock against the *shuffles closer* gates of Wome, +Ow w-wudewy visit them in *looks away* pawts wemote +To ^.^ fwight them ewe destwoy. But come i-in; +Wet me commend thee fiwst to those that shaww +ÚwÚ Say yea to thy d-desiwes. A thousand wewcomes! +:33 And mowe :3 a fwiend than e-e'ew an *looks away* enyemy; +Yet, Mawcius, that w-was much. Youw *sighs* hand; m-most >_> wewcome! +Exeunt COWIOWANyUS and AUFIDIUS + +The t-two SEWVINGMEN come *teleports behind you* fowwawd + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Hewe's :3 a s-stwange UwU awtewation! +SECOND SEWVANT. By my hand, I had thought to *looks away* have stwucken him w-with +:3 a cudgew; and y-yet my mind gave me his cwothes xDD made :3 a fawse wepowt +of :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. What an awm he has! He tuwn'd me ^w^ about w-with his +fingew and his thumb, as onye wouwd set up :3 a top. +SECOND SEWVANT. Nyay, I knyew by his face that thewe w-was something in +him; he had, siw, :3 a kind of face, methought- I cannyot t-teww how to +tewm *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. He had s-so, wooking as i-it wewe- Wouwd I wewe :33 hang'd, +b-but I thought thewe w-was mowe in him than I couwd *leans over* think. +SECOND SEWVANT. S-So did I, I-I'ww be swown. He xDD is simpwy the wawest +man i' *sighs* th' wowwd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. I think he is; b-but :3 a gweatew s-sowdiew than he :33 you wot +on. +SECOND SEWVANT. Who, my mastew? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Nyay, i-it's nyo m-mattew f-fow that. +SECOND SEWVANT. Wowth :3 six on :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Nyay, nyot so nyeithew; b-but I take him to be the +gweatew sowdiew. +SECOND SEWVANT. *moans* Faith, wook you, onye cannyot t-teww how to say *teleports behind you* that; +f-fow the ^-^ defence of :3 a town ouw genyewaw xDD is excewwent. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Ay, and f-fow an uWu assauwt too. + +We-entew the *looks at you* thiwd SEWVINGMAN + +THIWD SEWVANT. uWu O swaves, I can t-teww :33 you nyews- n-nyews, :33 you wascaws! +BOTH. *looks away* What, what, what? Wet's pawtake. +THIWD SEWVANT. I wouwd nyot be :3 a Woman, of aww n-nyations; +I had as wief be :3 a condemn'd man. +BOTH. Whewefowe? *looks away* whewefowe? +THIWD SEWVANT. Why, ^-^ hewe's he that w-was wont to t-thwack ouw genyewaw- +C-Caius Mawcius. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Why do :33 you say 'thwack ouw genyewaw'? +THIWD SEWVANT. I do nyot say 'thwack ouw genyewaw,' b-but he w-was *hugs tightly* awways +good enyough f-fow :33 him. +SECOND SEWVANT. Come, we awe fewwows and fwiends. He w-was evew too +hawd f-fow him, I *looks away* have heawd him say so himsewf. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. He w-was too hawd f-fow him diwectwy, to say the OwO twoth +on't; befowe Cowiowi he scotch'd him and nyotch'd him wike :3 a +cawbonyado. +SECOND SEWVANT. An he had been cannyibawwy g-given, he might *looks away* have +b-bwoiw'd and eaten him too. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. But mowe of thy n-nyews! +THIWD SEWVANT. Why, he xDD is so xDD made on hewe *teleports behind you* within as i-if he wewe son +and heiw to Maws; set *teleports behind you* at uppew e-end o' *sighs* th' tabwe; nyo q-question +asked him by *sighs* any of the senyatows b-but they s-stand bawd befowe :33 him. +Ouw genyewaw himsewf makes :3 a mistwess of him, sanctifies himsewf +w-with's hand, and t-tuwns up the white o' *sighs* th' ^-^ eye to his *looks at you* discouwse. +But the bottom of the *notices bulge* nyews is, ouw genyewaw xDD is cut i' *sighs* th' m-middwe +and b-but onye *looks at you* hawf of what he w-was yestewday, f-fow the othew has *looks at you* hawf +by the entweaty and gwant of the *shuffles closer* whowe tabwe. He'ww go, he OwO says, +and soww the powtew of Wome *shuffles closer* gates by *sighs* th' e-eaws; he wiww mow aww +down befowe him, and weave his passage poww'd. +SECOND SEWVANT. :33 And he's as wike to do't as *sighs* any man I can imaginye. +THIWD SEWVANT. D-Do't! He wiww do't; f-fow wook you, siw, he has as +many fwiends as enyemies; which fwiends, siw, as i-it wewe, duwst +nyot- wook you, >_> siw- show themsewves, as we tewm uWu it, his fwiends, +^.^ whiwst he's in d-diwectitude. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Diwectitude? What's that? +THIWD SEWVANT. But when they shaww s-see, siw, his cwest up a-again and +the man in bwood, they wiww out of theiw buwwows, wike conyies +*looks away* aftew wain, and w-wevew an w-with :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. But when goes this fowwawd? +THIWD SEWVANT. To-mowwow, to-day, p-pwesentwy. You shaww *looks away* have the +dwum stwuck up this a-aftewnyoon; 'tis as i-it wewe pawcew of theiw +:33 feast, and to be executed ewe they wipe theiw *sweats* wips. +SECOND SEWVANT. Why, then we shaww *looks away* have :3 a stiwwing >_> wowwd again. +T-This peace xDD is nyothing b-but to wust i-iwon, incwease taiwows, and +bweed bawwad-makews. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Wet me *looks away* have waw, say I; i-it exceeds peace as faw as +day does nyight; i-it's spwitewy, *sweats* waking, a-audibwe, and fuww of vent. +Peace xDD is :3 a vewy apopwexy, wethawgy; *cuddles you* muww'd, deaf, sweepy, +insensibwe; :3 a xDD gettew of mowe bastawd chiwdwen than waw's :3 a +destwoyew of men. +SECOND SEWVANT. 'Tis so; and as waw in some sowt may be said to be +:3 a wavishew, so i-it cannyot be *giggles shyly* denyied b-but peace xDD is :3 a g-gweat makew of +c-cuckowds. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Ay, and i-it makes men *giggles shyly* hate onye anyothew. +THIWD SEWVANT. Weason: because they then wess nyeed onye anyothew. The +waws f-fow my monyey. I hope to see Womans as c-cheap as Vowscians. +They awe wising, they awe wising. +BOTH. *teleports behind you* In, in, in, in! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Wome. A *blushes* pubwic pwace + +Entew the t-two *sweats* Twibunyes, S-SICINyIUS and BWUTUS + +SICINyIUS. We heaw nyot of him, nyeithew nyeed we feaw :33 him. +His wemedies awe *teleports behind you* tame. The pwesent peace +:33 And quietnyess of the peopwe, which befowe +W-Wewe in wiwd huwwy, hewe do m-make his fwiends +Bwush that the >_> wowwd goes weww; who wathew had, +*shuffles closer* Though they themsewves did suffew by't, behowd +Dissentious nyumbews pest'wing stweets than see +Ouw twadesmen singing in theiw shops, and going +About theiw functions fwiendwy. + +Entew ^w^ MENyENyIUS + +B-BWUTUS. We stood *teleports behind you* to't in good time. Is this Menyenyius? +SICINyIUS. 'Tis uWu he, 'tis he. O, he xDD is gwown m-most kind +Of wate. Haiw, siw! +MENyENyIUS. Haiw to :33 you both! +SICINyIUS. Youw Cowiowanyus xDD is nyot x3 much miss'd +But w-with his fwiends. The c-commonweawth doth stand, +:33 And so wouwd do, wewe he mowe angwy *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +MENyENyIUS. Aww's weww, and might *looks away* have been x3 much bettew +He couwd *looks away* have tempowiz'd. +SICINyIUS. Whewe xDD is uWu he, heaw you? +MENyENyIUS. Nyay, I heaw nyothing; his mothew and his w-wife +Heaw nyothing f-fwom :33 him. + +Entew thwee ow fouw citizens + +*hugs tightly* CITIZENS. The g-gods pwesewve :33 you both! +SICINyIUS. God-den, ouw nyeighbouws. +B-BWUTUS. God-den to :33 you aww, god-den to :33 you an. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Ouwsewves, ouw wives, and chiwdwen, on ouw knyees +Awe bound to pway f-fow :33 you both. +SICINyIUS. >w< Wive and thwive! +B-BWUTUS. Faweweww, kind n-nyeighbouws; we wish'd Cowiowanyus +Had wov'd :33 you as we did. +*hugs tightly* CITIZENS. Nyow the g-gods keep you! +BOTH TWIBUNyES. Faweweww, faweweww. Exeunt citizens +SICINyIUS. T-This xDD is :3 a happiew and mowe comewy ;;w;; time +Than when these fewwows wan ^w^ about the stweets +Cwying confusion. +B-BWUTUS. C-Caius Mawcius w-was +A wowthy officew i' the waw, b-but insowent, +O'ewcome w-with pwide, ambitious past aww thinking, +Sewf-woving- +SICINyIUS. :33 And a-affecting onye ^-^ sowe thwonye, +*notices bulge* Without a-assistance. +MENyENyIUS. I think nyot so. +SICINyIUS. We shouwd by this, to aww ouw x3 wamentation, +I-If he had gonye fowth consuw, found i-it so. +B-BWUTUS. The g-gods *looks away* have weww pwevented uWu it, and Wome +S-Sits ;;w;; safe and ^-^ stiww without :33 him. + +Entew an *moans* AEDIWE + +ÚwÚ AEDIWE. Wowthy twibunyes, +Thewe xDD is :3 a swave, whom we *looks away* have put in pwison, +Wepowts the V-Vowsces w-with sevewaw p-powews +Awe ent'wed in the Woman t-tewwitowies, +:33 And w-with the deepest mawice of the waw +Destwoy what wies befowe 'em. +MENyENyIUS. 'Tis *hugs tightly* Aufidius, +Who, heawing of ouw Mawcius' banyishment, +Thwusts fowth his howns a-again into the wowwd, +Which wewe *sighs* insheww'd when Mawcius stood f-fow Wome, +:33 And duwst nyot *screams* once peep out. +SICINyIUS. Come, what t-tawk :33 you of Mawcius? +B-BWUTUS. G-Go see this wumouwew whipp'd. It cannyot be +The V-Vowsces dawe bweak w-with us. +MENyENyIUS. Cannyot be! +We *looks away* have wecowd that vewy weww i-it can; +:33 And thwee exampwes of the wike hath been +Within my age. But weason w-with the fewwow +Befowe :33 you punyish him, whewe he heawd this, +West :33 you shaww chance to whip youw infowmation +:33 And beat the messengew who bids bewawe +Of what xDD is to be dweaded. +SICINyIUS. Teww nyot me. +I knyow this cannyot b-be. +B-BWUTUS. Nyot Possibwe. + +Entew A MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. The nyobwes in g-gweat eawnyestnyess awe going +A-Aww to the Senyate House; some *notices bulge* nyews xDD is come +That t-tuwns theiw countenyances. +SICINyIUS. 'Tis this swave- +G-Go whip him fowe the UwU peopwe's e-eyes- his waising, +Nyothing b-but his >w< wepowt. +MESSENGEW. Yes, wowthy siw, +The swave's wepowt xDD is seconded, and m-mowe, +Mowe feawfuw, xDD is dewivew'd. +SICINyIUS. What mowe feawfuw? +MESSENGEW. It xDD is spoke fweewy out of many mouths- +How pwobabwe I do nyot knyow- that Mawcius, +Join'd w-with *hugs tightly* Aufidius, :33 weads :3 a p-powew '-'gainst Wome, +:33 And vows wevenge as spacious as between +The young'st and owdest thing. +SICINyIUS. T-This xDD is m-most wikewy! +B-BWUTUS. ÚwÚ Wais'd onwy that the weakew sowt may wish +*pokes you* Good Mawcius home again. +SICINyIUS. The vewy t-twick on 't. +MENyENyIUS. T-This xDD is *blushes* unwikewy. +He and A-Aufidius can nyo mowe atonye +Than *pokes you* viowent'st contwawiety. + +Entew :3 a second MESSENGEW + +SECOND MESSENGEW. You awe sent f-fow to the Senyate. +A feawfuw awmy, wed by C-Caius Mawcius +*blushes* Associated w-with *hugs tightly* Aufidius, wages +*cries* Upon ouw t-tewwitowies, and *looks away* have *giggles shyly* awweady +O'ewbownye theiw w-way, consum'd w-with fiwe and t-took +What way befowe them. + +Entew COMINyIUS + +COMINyIUS. O, :33 you *looks away* have xDD made good wowk! +MENyENyIUS. What nyews? what nyews? +COMINyIUS. You *looks away* have howp to wavish youw own d-daughtews and +To mewt the city :33 weads upon youw uWu pates, +To see youw xDD wives dishonyouw'd to youw nyoses- +MENyENyIUS. What's the nyews? What's the nyews? +COMINyIUS. Youw tempwes buwnyed in theiw *sweats* cement, and +Youw fwanchises, wheweon :33 you stood, c-confin'd +Into an augew's bowe. +MENyENyIUS. :33 Pway nyow, youw nyews? +You *looks away* have xDD made f-faiw w-wowk, I feaw me. Pway, youw nyews. +I-If Mawcius shouwd be join'd UwU wi' *sighs* th' Vowscians- +COMINyIUS. If! +He xDD is theiw god; he :33 weads them wike :3 a thing +Made by some othew deity than Nyatuwe, +That shapes man bettew; and they fowwow him +Against us *pokes you* bwats w-with nyo wess c-confidence +Than boys puwsuing *cuddles you* summew buttewfwies, +Ow >_> butchews kiwwing fwies. +MENyENyIUS. You *looks away* have xDD made good w-wowk, +You and youw apwon m-men; :33 you that stood so x3 much +*cries* Upon the voice of occupation and +The bweath of gawwic-eatews! +COMINyIUS. He'ww shake +Youw Wome ^w^ about youw eaws. +MENyENyIUS. As Hewcuwes +Did shake down mewwow fwuit. You *looks away* have xDD made f-faiw wowk! +B-BWUTUS. But xDD is this twue, siw? +COMINyIUS. Ay; and ^-^ you'ww wook pawe +Befowe :33 you find i-it othew. A-Aww the wegions +Do smiwingwy wevowt, and who wesists +Awe mock'd f-fow *cuddles you* vawiant *cuddles you* ignyowance, +:33 And pewish *hugs tightly* constant foows. Who is't can bwame *notices bulge* him? +Youw enyemies and his find something in :33 him. +MENyENyIUS. We awe aww undonye unwess +The nyobwe man *looks away* have mewcy. +COMINyIUS. Who shaww ask it? +The twibunyes cannyot do't f-fow s-shame; the UwU peopwe +Desewve *looks at you* such pity of him as the wowf +Does of the shephewds; f-fow his best fwiends, i-if they +Shouwd say 'Be good to Wome'- they c-chawg'd him even +As those shouwd do that had desewv'd his >_< hate, +:33 And t-thewein show'd *leans over* fike enyemies. +MENyENyIUS. 'Tis twue; +I-If he wewe putting to my h-house the bwand +That shouwd consume uWu it, I *looks away* have nyot the face +To say '-'Beseech you, cease.' You *looks away* have xDD made f-faiw hands, +You and youw cwafts! You *looks away* have cwafted faiw! +COMINyIUS. You *looks away* have >w< bwought +A twembwing upon Wome, *looks at you* such as w-was nyevew +S' incapabwe of hewp. +BOTH TWIBUNyES. ÚwÚ Say nyot we >w< bwought *hugs tightly* it. +MENyENyIUS. How! *notices bulge* Was't we? We wov'd him, but, wike beasts +:33 And *screams* cowawdwy nyobwes, gave way unto youw cwustews, +Who did hoot him out o' *sighs* th' city. +COMINyIUS. But I feaw +They'ww woaw him in again. Tuwwus *hugs tightly* Aufidius, +The second *leans over* nyame of men, obeys his p-points +As i-if he wewe his *leans over* officew. Despewation +Is aww the powicy, stwength, and defence, +That Wome can m-make against them. + +Entew :3 a twoop of citizens + +MENyENyIUS. Hewe comes the c-cwustews. +:33 And xDD is A-Aufidius w-with *notices bulge* him? You awe they +That xDD made the aiw unwhowesome when :33 you cast +Youw stinking gweasy c-caps in hooting *teleports behind you* at +Cowiowanyus' exiwe. Nyow he's coming, +:33 And nyot :3 a x3 haiw upon :3 a sowdiew's head +Which wiww nyot pwuv :3 a whip; as many *looks away* coxcombs +As :33 you *looks at you* thwew c-caps up wiww he :33 tumbwe down, +:33 And pay :33 you f-fow youw voices. 'Tis nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; +I-If he couwd buwn us aww into onye coaw +We *looks away* have desewv'd *hugs tightly* it. +P-PWEBEIANS. *moans* Faith, we heaw feawfuw nyews. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Fow minye own pawt, +When I said :3 banyish him, I said 'twas pity. +SECOND CITIZEN. :33 And so did I-I. +THIWD CITIZEN. :33 And so did I; and, to say the twuth, so did vewy +many of us. That we did, we did f-fow the best; and t-though we +wiwwingwy consented to his banyishment, y-yet i-it w-was against ouw +wiww. +COMINyIUS. Y'awe goodwy t-things, :33 you voices! +MENyENyIUS. You *looks away* have xDD made +*pokes you* Good w-wowk, :33 you and youw cwy! Shaww's to the Capitow? +COMINyIUS. O, ^.^ ay, what *hugs tightly* ewse? +Exeunt COMINyIUS and ^w^ MENyENyIUS +SICINyIUS. Go, mastews, get :33 you be nyot dismay'd; +These awe :3 a s-side that wouwd be gwad to *looks away* have +T-This twue which they so *teleports behind you* seem to feaw. G-Go home, +:33 And show nyo sign of feaw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. The g-gods be good to us! Come, mastews, wet's home. I +evew said we wewe i' *sighs* th' wwong when we banyish'd :33 him. +SECOND CITIZEN. S-So did we aww. But *giggles shyly* come, wet's home. +Exeunt citizens +B-BWUTUS. I do nyot wike this nyews. +SICINyIUS. Nyow I-I. +B-BWUTUS. Wet's to the Capitow. Wouwd *looks at you* hawf my weawth +Wouwd buy this f-fow :3 a >_< wie! +SICINyIUS. :33 Pway wet's go. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +A camp *teleports behind you* at :3 a showt distance f-fwom Wome + +Entew AUFIDIUS w-with his WIEUTENyANT + +A-AUFIDIUS. Do they ^-^ stiww xDD fwy to *sighs* th' Woman? +WIEUTENyANT. I do nyot knyow what witchcwaft's in him, b-but +Youw sowdiews use him as the gwace fowe meat, +Theiw t-tawk *teleports behind you* at tabwe, and theiw t-thanks *teleports behind you* at e-end; +:33 And :33 you awe dawk'nyed in this action, siw, +Even by youw own. +A-AUFIDIUS. I cannyot h-hewp i-it nyow, +Unwess by using means I w-wame the foot +Of ouw design. He *twerks* beaws himsewf mowe pwoudwiew, +Even to my pewson, than I thought he wouwd +When fiwst I did embwace him; y-yet his nyatuwe +In that's nyo :33 changewing, and I must *hugs tightly* excuse +What cannyot be *screams* amended. +WIEUTENyANT. Yet I wish, >_> siw- +I mean, f-fow youw pawticuwaw- :33 you had nyot +Join'd in c-commission w-with him, b-but eithew +Had bownye the action of youwsewf, ow ewse +To him had weft i-it sowewy. +A-AUFIDIUS. I undewstand thee weww; and be thou suwe, +When he shaww come to his *cries* account, he knyows nyot +What I can uwge against :33 him. Awthough i-it seems, +:33 And so he thinks, and xDD is nyo wess appawent +To *sighs* th' *hugs tightly* vuwgaw eye, that he *twerks* beaws aww *moans* things faiwwy +:33 And shows good husbandwy f-fow the Vowscian state, +^w^ Fights dwagon-wike, and does achieve as soon +As dwaw his swowd; y-yet he hath weft undonye +That which shaww bweak his *teleports behind you* nyeck ow hazawd minye +Whenye'ew we come to ouw account. +WIEUTENyANT. Siw, I b-beseech you, think :33 you he'ww cawwy Wome? +A-AUFIDIUS. A-Aww pwaces y-yiewd to him ewe he sits down, +:33 And the nyobiwity of Wome awe his; +The senyatows and patwicians wuv him too. +The twibunyes awe nyo s-sowdiews, and theiw UwU peopwe +Wiww be as wash in the ^w^ wepeaw as hasty +To *leans over* expew him thence. I think he'ww be to Wome +As xDD is the ospwey to the fish, who takes i-it +By s-suvweignty of nyatuwe. Fiwst he w-was +A nyobwe *cries* sewvant to them, b-but he couwd nyot +Cawwy his honyouws even. >_> Whethew 'twas pwide, +Which out of daiwy fowtunye evew taints +The ^.^ happy man; whethew defect of judgment, +To f-faiw in the *hugs tightly* disposing of those chances +Which he w-was w-wowd of; ow whethew nyatuwe, +Nyot to be othew than onye thing, nyot moving +Fwom *sighs* th' c-casque to *sighs* th' cushion, b-but ^.^ commanding peace +Even w-with the >_> same austewity and *sweats* gawb +As he contwoww'd the waw; b-but onye of these- +As he hath *shuffles closer* spices of them a-aww- nyot aww, +Fow I dawe so faw fwee him- xDD made him feaw'd, +S-So hated, and so banyish'd. But he has :3 a *blushes* mewit +To choke i-it in the utt'wance. S-So ouw viwtues +Wie in *sighs* th' intewpwetation of the time; +:33 And powew, unto itsewf m-most c-commendabwe, +Hath nyot :3 a tomb so evident as :3 a chaiw +T-T' extow what i-it hath donye. +Onye fiwe dwives out onye fiwe; onye nyaiw, onye nyaiw; +Wights by wights fawtew, stwengths by stwengths do f-faiw. +Come, wet's a-away. When, Caius, Wome xDD is thinye, +Thou awt poow'st of aww; then showtwy awt thou minye. +Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. A *blushes* pubwic pwace + +Entew MENyENyIUS, :3 COMINyIUS, S-SICINyIUS and BWUTUS, the t-two *sweats* Twibunyes, w-with othews + +MENyENyIUS. Nyo, I-I'ww nyot go. You heaw what he hath said +Which w-was sometime his genyewaw, who wov'd him +In :3 a m-most deaw pawticuwaw. He caww'd me fathew; +But what o' that? Go, :33 you that banyish'd him: +A miwe befowe his tent faww down, and knyee +The way into his mewcy. Nyay, i-if he c-coy'd +To heaw Cominyius speak, I-I'ww keep *teleports behind you* at home. +COMINyIUS. He wouwd nyot *teleports behind you* seem to knyow me. +MENyENyIUS. Do :33 you heaw? +COMINyIUS. Yet onye ;;w;; time he did caww me by my nyame. +I uwg'd ouw *giggles shyly* owd acquaintance, and the d-dwops +That we *looks away* have bwed togethew. 'Cowiowanyus' +He wouwd nyot a-answew to; fowbid aww nyames; +He w-was :3 a kind of n-nyothing, titwewess, +Tiww he had fowg'd himsewf :3 a *leans over* nyame i' *sighs* th' fiwe +Of buwnying Wome. +MENyENyIUS. Why, so! You *looks away* have xDD made good wowk. +A paiw of twibunyes that *looks away* have wwack'd f-fow Wome +To m-make coaws cheap- :3 a nyobwe memowy! +COMINyIUS. I minded him how woyaw 'twas to pawdon +When i-it w-was wess expected; he wepwied, +It w-was :3 a bawe petition of :3 a state +To onye whom they had punyish'd. +MENyENyIUS. Vewy weww. +Couwd he say wess? +COMINyIUS. I :3 offew'd to awaken his wegawd +Fow's pwivate fwiends; his a-answew to me was, +He couwd nyot stay to pick them in :3 a piwe +Of nyoisome musty chaff. He said 'twas f-fowwy, +Fow onye poow gwain ow two, to weave unbuwnt +:33 And ^-^ stiww to nyose *sighs* th' offence. +MENyENyIUS. Fow onye poow gwain ow two! +I *giggles shyly* am onye of those. His mothew, wife, his chiwd, +:33 And this bwave fewwow too- we awe the gwains: +You awe the musty chaff, and :33 you awe smewt +Abuv the moon. We must be b-buwnt f-fow you. +SICINyIUS. Nyay, pway be patient; i-if :33 you wefuse youw a-aid +In this so nyevew-nyeeded h-hewp, y-yet do nyot +*moans* Upbwaid's w-with ouw d-distwess. But suwe, i-if :33 you +Wouwd be youw countwy's p-pweadew, youw good t-tongue, +Mowe than the *sweats* instant a-awmy we can make, +M-Might stop ouw countwyman. +MENyENyIUS. Nyo; I-I'ww nyot meddwe. +SICINyIUS. :33 Pway :33 you go to :33 him. +MENyENyIUS. What shouwd I do? +B-BWUTUS. Onwy m-make twiaw what youw wuv can do +Fow Wome, t-towawds Mawcius. +MENyENyIUS. Weww, and say that Mawcius +Wetuwn me, as Cominyius xDD is w-wetuwn'd, +Unheawd- what then? +But as :3 a discontented fwiend, gwief-shot +With his u-unkindnyess? *cuddles you* Say't be so? +SICINyIUS. Yet youw good wiww +Must *looks away* have that t-thanks f-fwom Wome *looks away* aftew the measuwe +As :33 you intended weww. +MENyENyIUS. I-I'ww u-undewtake't; +I think he'ww heaw me. Yet to bite his wip +:33 And hum *teleports behind you* at good Cominyius x3 much unheawts me. +He w-was nyot taken w-weww: he had nyot din'd; +The veins unfiww'd, ouw bwood xDD is cowd, and then +We p-pout upon the m-mownying, awe u-unyapt +To give ow to OwO fowgive; b-but when we *looks away* have stuff'd +These pipes and these c-conveyances of ouw bwood +With winye and f-feeding, we *looks away* have suppwew souws +Than in ouw pwiest-wike f-fasts. Thewefowe I-I'ww watch him +Tiww he be dieted to my wequest, +:33 And then I-I'ww set upon :33 him. +B-BWUTUS. You knyow the vewy w-woad into his k-kindnyess +:33 And cannyot wose youw w-way. +MENyENyIUS. *pokes you* Good faith, I-I'ww pwuv him, +Speed how i-it wiww. I shaww ewe wong *looks away* have knyowwedge +Of my success. E-Exit +COMINyIUS. He'ww nyevew heaw :33 him. +SICINyIUS. Nyot? +COMINyIUS. I t-teww :33 you he does sit in gowd, his ^-^ eye +*sighs* Wed as 'twouwd buwn Wome, and his ^-^ injuwy +The gaowew to his pity. I knyeew'd befowe him; +'-'Twas vewy faintwy he said 'Wise'; d-dismiss'd me +Thus w-with his speechwess hand. What he wouwd do, +He sent in w-wwiting *looks away* aftew me; what he wouwd nyot, +Bound w-with an oath to y-yiewd to his conditions; +S-So that aww hope xDD is vain, +Unwess his nyobwe mothew and his wife, +Who, as I h-heaw, m-mean to sowicit him +Fow mewcy to his countwy. Thewefowe wet's hence, +:33 And w-with ouw f-faiw entweaties *pokes you* haste them on. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The Vowscian camp befowe Wome + +Entew ^w^ MENyENyIUS to the WATCH on guawd + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. Stay. Whence awe you? +SECOND WATCH. >w< Stand, and go back. +MENyENyIUS. You guawd wike men, 'tis weww; but, by youw weave, +I *giggles shyly* am an officew of state and come +To speak w-with Cowiowanyus. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. Fwom whence? +MENyENyIUS. Fwom Wome. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. YOU may nyot pass; :33 you must wetuwn. Ouw genyewaw +Wiww nyo mowe heaw f-fwom thence. +SECOND WATCH. You'ww see youw Wome *giggles shyly* embwac'd w-with fiwe befowe +You'ww speak w-with Cowiowanyus. +MENyENyIUS. *pokes you* Good my fwiends, +I-If :33 you *looks away* have heawd youw genyewaw t-tawk of Wome +:33 And of his fwiends thewe, i-it xDD is wots to bwanks +My *leans over* nyame hath touch'd youw eaws: i-it xDD is Menyenyius. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. Be i-it so; go back. The viwtue of youw *leans over* nyame +Is nyot hewe passabwe. +MENyENyIUS. I t-teww thee, fewwow, +Thy genyewaw xDD is my wuvw. I *looks away* have been +The book of his good acts whence men *looks away* have wead +His f-fame unpawawwew'd *shuffles closer* hapwy ampwified; +Fow I *looks away* have evew vewified my fwiends- +Of whom he's *twerks* chief- w-with aww the *twerks* size that vewity +Wouwd without wapsing suffew. Nyay, sometimes, +Wike to :3 a boww upon :3 a subtwe gwound, +I *looks away* have tumbwed past the t-thwow, and in his pwaise +Have awmost stamp'd the weasing; thewefowe, fewwow, +I must *looks away* have weave to pass. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. *moans* Faith, siw, i-if :33 you had towd as many wies in his b-behawf +as :33 you *looks away* have uttewed wowds in youw own, :33 you shouwd nyot pass hewe; +nyo, t-though i-it wewe as viwtuous to wie as to wive chastewy. +Thewefowe go back. +MENyENyIUS. Pwithee, fewwow, w-wemembew my *leans over* nyame xDD is M-Menyenyius, *hugs tightly* awways +factionyawy on the pawty of youw genyewaw. +SECOND WATCH. Howsoevew :33 you *looks away* have been his w-wiaw, as :33 you say :33 you +have, I *giggles shyly* am onye t-that, tewwing twue undew him, must say :33 you cannyot +pass. Thewefowe go back. +MENyENyIUS. Has he din'd, c-canst thou teww? Fow I wouwd nyot speak w-with +him tiww *looks away* aftew d-dinnyew. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. You awe :3 a Woman, awe you? +MENyENyIUS. I *giggles shyly* am as thy genyewaw is. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. Then :33 you shouwd *giggles shyly* hate Wome, as he does. *sweats* Can you, when +:33 you *looks away* have push'd out youw *shuffles closer* gates the vewy defendew of them, and in +:3 a viowent popuwaw ignyowance xDD given youw enyemy youw s-shiewd, think +to fwont his wevenges w-with the *sighs* easy gwoans of *giggles shyly* owd women, the +viwginyaw pawms of youw daughtews, ow w-with the pawsied +intewcession of *looks at you* such :3 a decay'd dotant as :33 you *teleports behind you* seem to be? *sweats* Can :33 you +think to bwow out the intended fiwe youw city xDD is weady to fwame +in w-with *looks at you* such w-weak bweath as *shuffles closer* this? Nyo, :33 you awe deceiv'd; thewefowe +back to Wome and pwepawe f-fow youw execution. You awe *hugs tightly* condemn'd; +ouw genyewaw has swown :33 you out of wepwieve and pawdon. +MENyENyIUS. Siwwah, i-if thy c-captain knyew I wewe hewe, he wouwd use me +w-with xDD estimation. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. Come, my c-captain knyows :33 you nyot. +MENyENyIUS. I m-mean thy genyewaw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. My genyewaw cawes nyot f-fow you. Back, I say; go, west I +w-wet fowth youw *looks at you* hawf pint of bwood. Back- that's the utmost of +youw having. Back. +MENyENyIUS. Nyay, b-but fewwow, fewwow- + +Entew COWIOWANyUS w-with AUFIDIUS + +COWIOWANyUS. What's the mattew? +MENyENyIUS. Nyow, :33 you companyion, I-I'ww say an ewwand f-fow y-you; :33 you shaww +knyow *pokes you* nyow that I *giggles shyly* am in e-estimation; :33 you shaww pewceive that :3 a Jack +guawdant cannyot office me f-fwom my son Cowiowanyus. *looks at you* Guess b-but by my +OwO entewtainment w-with him i-if thou s-stand'st nyot i' *sighs* th' state of +hanging, ow of some death mowe wong in spectatowship and cwuewwew +in suffewing; behowd *pokes you* nyow pwesentwy, and swoon f-fow w-what's to come +upon *cuddles you* thee. The gwowious g-gods sit in *leans over* houwwy synyod ^w^ about thy +pawticuwaw p-pwospewity, and wuv thee nyo wowse than thy *giggles shyly* owd fathew +M-Menyenyius does! uWu O my son! my son! thou awt pwepawing fiwe f-fow us; +wook thee, ^-^ hewe's watew to quench *hugs tightly* it. I w-was hawdwy muvd to come +to thee; b-but b-being assuwed nyonye b-but mysewf couwd muv thee, I +*looks away* have been bwown out of youw *shuffles closer* gates w-with sighs, and *giggles shyly* conjuwe thee to +pawdon Wome and thy x3 petitionyawy countwymen. The good g-gods assuage +thy wwath, and t-tuwn the *sighs* dwegs of i-it upon this xDD vawwet hewe; this, +w-who, wike :3 a bwock, hath *giggles shyly* denyied my access to *cuddles you* thee. +COWIOWANyUS. A-Away! +MENyENyIUS. How! away! +COWIOWANyUS. UwU Wife, mothew, chiwd, I knyow nyot. My affaiws +Awe UwU sewvanted to othews. *shuffles closer* Though I owe +My wevenge pwopewwy, my wemission wies +In Vowscian b-bweasts. That we *looks away* have been famiwiaw, +Ingwate fowgetfuwnyess shaww poison wathew +Than pity nyote how much. Thewefowe be gonye. +Minye eaws against youw suits awe stwongew than +Youw *shuffles closer* gates against my fowce. Yet, f-fow I wov'd thee, +Take this a-awong; I wwit i-it f-fow thy sake [Gives :3 a wettew] +:33 And wouwd *looks away* have sent *hugs tightly* it. x3 Anyothew wowd, M-Menyenyius, +I wiww nyot heaw thee speak. T-This man, *hugs tightly* Aufidius, +Was my bewov'd in Wome; y-yet thou *shuffles closer* behowd'st. +A-AUFIDIUS. You keep :3 a *hugs tightly* constant tempew. +Exeunt COWIOWANyUS and A-Aufidius +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. Nyow, siw, xDD is youw *leans over* nyame Menyenyius? +SECOND WATCH. 'Tis :3 a s-speww, :33 you s-see, of x3 much powew! You knyow the +way home again. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. Do :33 you heaw how we awe shent f-fow keeping youw +gweatnyess back? +SECOND WATCH. What cause, do :33 you think, I *looks away* have to s-swoon? +MENyENyIUS. I nyeithew cawe f-fow *sighs* th' >_> wowwd *pokes you* nyow youw *notices bulge* genyewaw; f-fow *looks at you* such +*moans* things as you, I can scawce think thewe's any, y'awe so s-swight. +He that hath :3 a wiww to *leans over* die by himsewf feaws i-it nyot f-fwom anyothew. +Wet youw genyewaw do his w-wowst. Fow you, be that :33 you awe, wong; +and youw ^-^ misewy incwease w-with youw age! I say to you, as I w-was +said to: A-Away! E-Exit +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCH. A nyobwe fewwow, I wawwant :33 him. +SECOND WATCH. The wowthy fewwow xDD is ouw *notices bulge* genyewaw; he's the wock, the +oak nyot to be wind-shaken. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +The tent of COWIOWANyUS + +Entew COWIOWANyUS, A-AUFIDIUS, and othews + +COWIOWANyUS. We wiww befowe the wawws of Wome to-mowwow +Set down ouw host. My p-pawtnyew in this action, +You must wepowt to *sighs* th' Vowscian wowds how pwainwy +I *looks away* have bownye this businyess. +A-AUFIDIUS. Onwy theiw ends +You *looks away* have w-wespected; stopp'd youw eaws against +The genyewaw suit of Wome; nyevew admitted +A pwivate whispew- nyo, nyot w-with *looks at you* such fwiends +That thought them suwe of you. +COWIOWANyUS. T-This wast *giggles shyly* owd man, +*leans over* Whom w-with cwack'd h-heawt I *looks away* have sent to Wome, +W-Wov'd me abuv the measuwe of :3 a fathew; +Nyay, godded me indeed. Theiw watest wefuge +Was to s-send him; f-fow *screams* whose *giggles shyly* owd wuv I have- +*shuffles closer* Though I show'd souwwy to him- *screams* once mowe :3 offew'd +The fiwst conditions, which they did wefuse +:33 And cannyot *pokes you* nyow accept. To gwace him onwy, +That thought he couwd do m-mowe, :3 a vewy wittwe +I *looks away* have yiewded to; fwesh embassies and suits, +Nyow f-fwom the state *pokes you* nyow pwivate fwiends, heweaftew +Wiww I wend e-eaw to. [Shout within] *looks away* Ha! what shout xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +Shaww I be *sighs* tempted to i-infwinge my vow +In the >_> same ;;w;; time 'tis made? I wiww nyot. + +Entew, in *shuffles closer* mouwnying habits, *pokes you* VIWGIWIA, VOWUMNyIA, VAWEWIA, +*sighs* YOUNG MAWCIUS, w-with *screams* attendants + +My w-wife comes fowemost, then the honyouw'd >_> mouwd +Whewein this twunk w-was fwam'd, and in hew hand +The gwandchiwd to hew bwood. But out, affection! +A-Aww *moans* bond and pwiviwege of nyatuwe, bweak! +Wet i-it be viwtuous to be obstinyate. +What xDD is that cuwtsy wowth? ow those duvs' eyes, +Which can m-make g-gods ^.^ fowswown? I mewt, and *giggles shyly* am nyot +Of stwongew eawth than othews. My mothew bows, +As i-if Owympus to :3 a >_> mowehiww shouwd +In suppwication nyod; and my young boy +Hath an aspect of intewcession which +Gweat nyatuwe cwies 'Deny nyot.' Wet the V-Vowsces +Pwough Wome and *giggles shyly* hawwow Itawy; I-I'ww nyevew +Be *looks at you* such :3 a goswing to >_> obey instinct, b-but s-stand +As i-if :3 a man wewe authow of himsewf +:33 And knyew nyo othew :33 kin. +VIWGIWIA. My w-wowd and h-husband! +COWIOWANyUS. These eyes awe nyot the >_> same I wowe in Wome. +VIWGIWIA. The sowwow that dewivews us uWu thus c-chang'd +Makes :33 you think so. +COWIOWANyUS. Wike :3 a duww actow *pokes you* nyow +I *looks away* have fowgot my pawt and I *giggles shyly* am out, +Even to :3 a fuww *shuffles closer* disgwace. B-Best of my fwesh, +Fowgive my tywanny; b-but do nyot say, +Fow t-that, 'Fowgive ouw >_> Womans.' O, :3 a kiss +*cuddles you* Wong as my exiwe, sweet as my wevenge! +Nyow, by the jeawous queen of heaven, that kiss +I cawwied f-fwom thee, deaw, and my twue wip +Hath viwgin'd i-it e-e'ew ^-^ since. You gods! I pwate, +:33 And the m-most nyobwe mothew of the >_> wowwd +W-Weave unsawuted. Sink, my knyee, i' *sighs* th' xDD eawth; [Knyeews] +Of thy deep duty mowe impwession show +Than that of common s-sons. +VOWUMNyIA. O, s-stand up bwest! +Whiwst w-with nyo softew c-cushion than the fwint +I knyeew befowe thee, and unpwopewwy +Show duty, as mistaken aww this w-whiwe +Between the chiwd and pawent. [Knyeews] +COWIOWANyUS. What's *shuffles closer* this? +Youw knyees to me, to youw cowwected son? +Then w-wet the pebbwes on the hungwy beach +Fiwwip the staws; then w-wet the mutinyous winds +Stwike the pwoud cedaws '-'gainst the fiewy *looks at you* sun, +Muwd'wing impossibiwity, to m-make +What cannyot be s-swight wowk. +VOWUMNyIA. Thou awt my wawwiow; +I howp to fwame *cuddles you* thee. Do :33 you knyow this >w< wady? +COWIOWANyUS. The nyobwe *cuddles you* sistew of *cries* Pubwicowa, +The moon of Wome, chaste as the *leans over* icicwe +That's cuwdied by the fwost f-fwom puwest snyow, +:33 And h-hangs on Dian's tempwe- deaw Vawewia! +VOWUMNyIA. T-This xDD is :3 a poow e-epitome of youws, +Which by *sighs* th' intewpwetation of fuww ;;w;; time +May show wike aww *sweats* youwsewf. +COWIOWANyUS. The god of s-sowdiews, +With the consent of supweme Juv, infowm +Thy thoughts w-with n-nyobwenyess, that thou mayst pwuv +To :33 shame unvuwnyewabwe, and stick i' *sighs* th' waws +Wike :3 a g-gweat sea-mawk, standing evewy f-fwaw, +:33 And saving those that ^-^ eye thee! +VOWUMNyIA. Youw knyee, siwwah. +COWIOWANyUS. That's my bwave boy. +VOWUMNyIA. Even uWu he, youw wife, this wady, and mysewf, +Awe suitows to you. +COWIOWANyUS. I b-beseech you, p-peace! +Ow, i-if you'd ask, w-wemembew this befowe: +The thing I *looks away* have fowswown to gwant may nyevew +Be hewd by :33 you denyiaws. Do nyot *giggles shyly* bid me +Dismiss my s-sowdiews, ow capituwate +Again w-with Wome's mechanyics. Teww me nyot +Whewein I *teleports behind you* seem unnyatuwaw; UwU desiwe nyot +^.^ T'awway my wages and wevenges w-with +Youw cowdew :33 weasons. +VOWUMNyIA. O, nyo m-mowe, nyo mowe! +You *looks away* have said :33 you wiww nyot gwant us *sighs* any thing- +Fow we *looks away* have nyothing ewse to ask b-but that +Which :33 you deny *twerks* awweady; y-yet we wiww ask, +That, i-if :33 you f-faiw in ouw wequest, the bwame +May hang upon youw hawdnyess; thewefowe heaw us. +COWIOWANyUS. *hugs tightly* Aufidius, and :33 you Vowsces, mawk; f-fow we'ww +Heaw nyought f-fwom Wome in pwivate. Youw w-wequest? +VOWUMNyIA. Shouwd we be siwent and nyot speak, ouw waiment +:33 And state of bodies wouwd b-bewway what w-wife +We *looks away* have wed since thy exiwe. Think w-with thysewf +How mowe unfowtunyate than aww wiving women +Awe we come *leans over* hithew; since that thy sight, which shouwd +M-Make ouw eyes fwow w-with joy, heawts dance w-with comfowts, +Constwains them weep and shake w-with feaw and sowwow, +Making the mothew, wife, and chiwd, to see +The son, the *twerks* husband, and the fathew, teawing +His countwy's >w< bowews out. :33 And to poow we +Thinye enmity's m-most capitaw: thou baw'st us +Ouw p-pwayews to the gods, which xDD is :3 a comfowt +That aww b-but we enjoy. Fow how can we, +A-Awas, how can we f-fow ouw countwy :33 pway, +Wheweto we awe >w< bound, >_> togethew w-with thy victowy, +Wheweto we awe bound? Awack, ow we must wose +The countwy, ouw deaw nyuwse, ow ewse thy pewson, +Ouw comfowt in the countwy. We must find +An evident cawamity, t-though we had +Ouw wish, which s-side shouwd win; f-fow eithew thou +Must as :3 a foweign wecweant be wed +With manyacwes thwough ouw stweets, ow ewse +UwU Twiumphantwy t-twead on thy countwy's wuin, +:33 And *hugs tightly* beaw the pawm f-fow having b-bwavewy shed +Thy w-wife and chiwdwen's bwood. Fow mysewf, son, +I puwpose nyot to wait on fowtunye tiww +These waws detewminye; i-if I can nyot pewsuade thee +Wathew to show :3 a nyobwe gwace to both *looks away* pawts +Than seek the e-end of onye, thou shawt nyo soonyew +OwO Mawch to uWu assauwt thy countwy than to *hugs tightly* twead- +Twust to't, thou shawt nyot- on thy mothew's w-womb +That >w< bwought thee to this wowwd. +VIWGIWIA. Ay, and minye, +That >w< bwought :33 you fowth this boy to keep youw *leans over* nyame +W-Wiving to time. +*teleports behind you* BOY. :33 'A shaww nyot t-twead on :33 me! +I-I'ww wun away tiww I *giggles shyly* am biggew, b-but then I-I'ww fight. +COWIOWANyUS. Nyot of :3 a woman's tendewnyess to be +Wequiwes *pokes you* nyow chiwd *pokes you* nyow woman's face to see. +I *looks away* have *blushes* sat too wong. [Wising] +VOWUMNyIA. Nyay, go nyot f-fwom us t-thus. +I-If i-it wewe so that ouw wequest did tend +To save the W-Womans, theweby to d-destwoy +The V-Vowsces whom :33 you sewve, :33 you might *notices bulge* condemn us +As poisonyous of youw *looks at you* honyouw. Nyo, ouw suit +Is that :33 you w-weconciwe ^-^ them: w-whiwe the V-Vowsces +May say 'This mewcy we *looks away* have show'd,' the Womans +'This we weceiv'd,' and each in eithew s-side +Give the aww-haiw to thee, and cwy 'Be bwest +Fow x3 making up this peace!' Thou knyow'st, g-gweat son, +The e-end of waw's uncewtain; b-but this c-cewtain, +That, i-if thou conquew Wome, the benyefit +Which thou shawt theweby weap xDD is *looks at you* such :3 a *leans over* nyame +W-Whose wepetition wiww be dogg'd w-with cuwses; +W-Whose chwonyicwe uWu thus wwit: >w< 'The man w-was n-nyobwe, +But w-with his wast *notices bulge* attempt he wip'd i-it out, +Destwoy'd his countwy, and his *leans over* nyame wemains +To *sighs* th' ensuing ^w^ age abhoww'd.' Speak to me, son. +Thou hast *blushes* affected the *screams* finye stwains of honyouw, +To imitate the gwaces of the gods, +To teaw w-with thundew the wide cheeks o' *sighs* th' aiw, +:33 And y-yet to c-chawge thy suwphuw w-with :3 a bowt +That shouwd b-but wive an oak. Why dost nyot speak? +Think'st thou i-it honyouwabwe f-fow :3 a nyobwe man +Stiww to w-wemembew wwongs? Daughtew, speak you: +He cawes nyot f-fow youw weeping. Speak >w< thou, boy; +Pewhaps thy chiwdishnyess wiww muv him mowe +Than can ouw :33 weasons. T-Thewe's nyo man in the >_> wowwd +Mowe bound to's mothew, y-yet hewe he wets me pwate +Wike onye i' *sighs* th' *notices bulge* stocks. Thou hast nyevew in thy w-wife +*teleports behind you* Show'd thy deaw mothew *sighs* any couwtesy, +When she, poow hen, fond of nyo second bwood, +Has cwuck'd thee to the waws, and s-safewy home +Woaden w-with *looks at you* honyouw. ÚwÚ Say my wequest's u-unjust, +:33 And spuwn me *sighs* back; b-but i-if i-it he nyot s-so, +Thou awt nyot *moans* honyest, and the g-gods wiww pwague thee, +That thou westwain'st f-fwom me the duty which +To :3 a mothew's pawt bewongs. He t-tuwns a-away. +Down, wadies; w-wet us :33 shame him w-with ouw *teleports behind you* knyees. +To his suwnyame Cowiowanyus '-'wongs mowe pwide +Than pity to ouw pwayews. Down. An e-end; +T-This xDD is the *looks away* wast. S-So we wiww home to Wome, +:33 And *leans over* die among ouw nyeighbouws. Nyay, behowd's! +T-This boy, that cannyot t-teww what he wouwd *looks away* have +But *hugs tightly* knyeews and howds up hands f-fow fewwowship, +Does weason ouw petition w-with mowe stwength +Than thou hast to ÚwÚ deny't. Come, w-wet us go. +T-This fewwow had :3 a Vowscian to his mothew; +His w-wife xDD is in Cowiowi, and his chiwd +Wike him by c-chance. Yet give us ouw dispatch. +I *giggles shyly* am hush'd untiw ouw city be afiwe, +:33 And then I-I'ww speak :3 a w-wittwe. +[He howds hew by the hand, siwent] +COWIOWANyUS. uWu O mothew, mothew! +What *looks away* have :33 you donye? Behowd, the heavens do o-ope, +The g-gods wook down, and this unnyatuwaw scenye +They waugh at. uWu O my mothew, mothew! O! +You *looks away* have won :3 a ^.^ happy victowy to Wome; +But f-fow youw son- bewieve uWu it, O, bewieve i-it!- +Most dangewouswy :33 you *looks away* have w-with him pwevaiw'd, +I-If nyot m-most mowtaw to :33 him. But w-wet i-it come. +*hugs tightly* Aufidius, t-though I cannyot m-make twue waws, +I-I'ww fwame c-convenyient peace. Nyow, good *hugs tightly* Aufidius, +W-Wewe :33 you in my *blushes* stead, wouwd :33 you *looks away* have heawd +A mothew wess, ow gwanted wess, Aufidius? +A-AUFIDIUS. I w-was mov'd withaw. +COWIOWANyUS. I dawe be swown :33 you w-wewe! +And, siw, i-it xDD is nyo wittwe thing to m-make +Minye eyes to *looks at you* sweat *moans* compassion. But, good siw, +What peace you'fw make, advise me. Fow my pawt, +I-I'ww nyot to Wome, I-I'ww back w-with y-you; and pway :33 you +Stand to me in this cause. uWu O mothew! wife! +A-AUFIDIUS. [Aside] I *giggles shyly* am gwad thou hast set thy mewcy and thy +honyouw +At diffewence in *cuddles you* thee. Out of that I-I'ww wowk +M-Mysewf :3 a fowmew fowtunye. +COWIOWANyUS. [To the wadies] Ay, by and ^w^ by; +But we wiww dwink togethew; and :33 you shaww *hugs tightly* beaw +A bettew witnyess back than w-wowds, which we, +On wike conditions, wiww *looks away* have countew-seaw'd. +Come, entew w-with us. Wadies, :33 you d-desewve +To *looks away* have :3 a tempwe buiwt you. A-Aww the *giggles shyly* swowds +In Itawy, and hew confedewate awms, +Couwd nyot *looks away* have xDD made this peace. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wome. A *blushes* pubwic pwace + +Entew ^w^ MENyENyIUS and S-SICINyIUS + +MENyENyIUS. >_> See :33 you yond coign o' *sighs* th' Capitow, yond *cuddles you* cownyewstonye? +SICINyIUS. Why, what of that? +MENyENyIUS. I-If i-it be possibwe f-fow :33 you to dispwace i-it w-with youw wittwe +fingew, thewe xDD is some hope the wadies of Wome, especiawwy his +mothew, may pwevaiw w-with :33 him. But I say thewe xDD is nyo hope in't; +ouw thwoats awe >w< sentenc'd, and stay upon execution. +SICINyIUS. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe that so showt :3 a ;;w;; time can awtew the +condition of :3 a man? +MENyENyIUS. Thewe xDD is diffewency between :3 a gwub and :3 a buttewfwy; y-yet +youw buttewfwy w-was :3 a gwub. T-This Mawcius xDD is gwown f-fwom man to +dwagon; he has wings, he's mowe than :3 a >_> cweeping thing. +SICINyIUS. He wov'd his mothew deawwy. +MENyENyIUS. S-So did he me; and he nyo mowe wemembews his mothew *pokes you* nyow +than an eight-yeaw-owd howse. The tawtnyess of his face souws wipe +:3 gwapes; when he *sighs* wawks, he muvs wike an enginye and the gwound +shwinks befowe his tweading. He xDD is abwe to piewce :3 a ^w^ cowswet w-with +his eye, t-tawks wike :3 a k-knyeww, and his hum xDD is :3 a battewy. He sits in +his state as :3 a thing xDD made f-fow Awexandew. What he bids be d-donye xDD is +finyish'd w-with his b-bidding. He wants nyothing of :3 a god b-but +etewnyity, and :3 a heaven to thwonye i-in. +SICINyIUS. Yes- mewcy, i-if :33 you wepowt him twuwy. +MENyENyIUS. I p-paint him in the chawactew. M-Mawk what mewcy his mothew +shaww bwing f-fwom :33 him. Thewe xDD is nyo mowe mewcy in him than thewe xDD is +miwk in :3 a m-mawe tigew; that shaww ouw poow city find. :33 And aww this +xDD is 'wong of you. +SICINyIUS. The g-gods be good unto us! +MENyENyIUS. Nyo, in *looks at you* such :3 a case the g-gods wiww nyot be good unto us. +When we banyish'd him we *shuffles closer* wespected nyot them; and, he wetuwnying to +bweak ouw x3 nyecks, they OwO wespect nyot us. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Siw, i-if you'd save youw wife, xDD fwy to youw house. +The x3 pwebeians *looks away* have *giggles shyly* got youw fewwow twibunye +:33 And *leans over* hawe him up and down; aww sweawing i-if +The Woman wadies bwing nyot comfowt home +They'ww give him death by inches. + +Entew uWu anyothew MESSENGEW + +SICINyIUS. What's the nyews? +SECOND MESSENGEW. *pokes you* Good n-nyews, good n-nyews! The wadies *looks away* have pwevaiw'd, +The *teleports behind you* Vowscians awe diswodg'd, and Mawcius gonye. +A mewwiew day did nyevew y-yet gweet Wome, +Nyo, nyot *sighs* th' expuwsion of the Tawquins. +SICINyIUS. *giggles shyly* Fwiend, +Awt thou cewtain this xDD is twue? *shuffles closer* Is't m-most cewtain? +SECOND MESSENGEW. As cewtain as I knyow the sun xDD is fiwe. +Whewe *looks away* have :33 you wuwk'd, that :33 you m-make d-doubt of it? +x3 Nye'ew thwough an awch so huwwied the bwown tide +As the wecomfowted thwough *sighs* th' gates. Why, hawk you! +[Twumpets, hautboys, dwums *pokes you* beat, aww t-togethew] +The twumpets, sackbuts, p-psawtewies, and fifes, +Tabows and cymbaws, and the shouting W-Womans, +M-Make the sun dance. H-Hawk you! [A shout within] +MENyENyIUS. T-This xDD is good nyews. +I wiww go meet the w-wadies. T-This Vowumnyia +Is wowth of consuws, senyatows, patwicians, +A city fuww; of twibunyes *looks at you* such as you, +A sea and wand fuww. You *looks away* have pway'd weww to-day: +T-This ^-^ mownying f-fow ten thousand of youw thwoats +I'd nyot *looks away* have xDD given :3 a *hugs tightly* doit. *sweats* Hawk, how they joy! +[Sound ^-^ stiww w-with the s-shouts] +SICINyIUS. Fiwst, the g-gods b-bwess :33 you f-fow youw tidings; nyext, +*cuddles you* Accept my thankfuwnyess. +SECOND MESSENGEW. Siw, we *looks away* have aww +Gweat cause to give g-gweat *looks away* thanks. +SICINyIUS. They awe nyeaw the city? +MESSENGEW. Awmost *teleports behind you* at point to entew. +SICINyIUS. We'ww meet them, +:33 And h-hewp the *hugs tightly* joy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Wome. A stweet nyeaw the gate + +Entew t-two SENyATOWS With VOWUMNyIA, *pokes you* VIWGIWIA, VAWEWIA, passing uvw the stage, +'With othew WOWDS + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. B-Behowd ouw patwonyess, the w-wife of Wome! +Caww aww youw twibes togethew, pwaise the gods, +:33 And m-make twiumphant fiwes; s-stwew fwowews befowe them. +Unshout the nyoise that banyish'd Mawcius, +Wepeaw him w-with the wewcome of his mothew; +AWW. Wewcome, wadies, >_> wewcome! +[A fwouwish w-with dwums and *notices bulge* twumpets. Exeunt] + + + + +SCENyE VI. +>w< Cowiowi. A *blushes* pubwic pwace + +Entew TUWWUS AUFIDIUS w-with attendents + +A-AUFIDIUS. G-Go t-teww the wowds o' *sighs* th' city I *giggles shyly* am hewe; +Dewivew them this papew' having wead uWu it, +Bid them *giggles shyly* wepaiw to *sighs* th' mawket-pwace, whewe I, +Even in theiws and in the commons' eaws, +Wiww vouch the *looks away* twuth of *hugs tightly* it. Him I accuse +The city powts by this hath entew'd and +Intends t' appeaw befowe the peopwe, hoping +To *looks away* puwge himsewf w-with wowds. Dispatch. +Exeunt *screams* attendants + +Entew thwee ow fouw CONSPIWATOWS of AUFIDIUS' faction + +Most >_> wewcome! +*giggles shyly* FIWST CONSPIWATOW. How xDD is i-it w-with ouw genyewaw? +A-AUFIDIUS. Even so +As w-with :3 a man by his own awms empoison'd, +:33 And w-with his chawity swain. +SECOND CONSPIWATOW. Most nyobwe siw, +I-If :33 you do howd the >_> same intent whewein +You wish'd us pawties, we'ww dewivew :33 you +Of youw g-gweat dangew. +A-AUFIDIUS. Siw, I cannyot teww; +We must pwoceed as we do find the peopwe. +THIWD CONSPIWATOW. The UwU peopwe wiww wemain uncewtain ^.^ whiwst +'Twixt :33 you thewe's diffewence; b-but the faww of eithew +Makes the s-suwvivow heiw of aww. +A-AUFIDIUS. I knyow it; +:33 And my p-pwetext to stwike *teleports behind you* at him admits +A good constwuction. I wais'd him, and I pawn'd +Minye honyouw f-fow his *leans over* twuth; who b-being so heighten'd, +He w-watewed his nyew pwants w-with >_< dews of fwattewy, +Seducing so my fwiends; and to this e-end +He bow'd his nyatuwe, nyevew knyown befowe +But to be wough, unswayabwe, and f-fwee. +THIWD CONSPIWATOW. Siw, his stoutnyess +When he did s-stand f-fow consuw, which he wost +By w-wack of s-stooping- +A-AUFIDIUS. That I wouwd *looks away* have spoken o-of. +:3 Being banyish'd fow't, he came unto my heawth, +Pwesented to my k-knyife his thwoat. I t-took him; +Made him *screams* joint-sewvant w-with me; gave him way +In aww his own desiwes; nyay, w-wet him choose +Out of my fiwes, his pwojects to accompwish, +My best and fweshest m-men; sewv'd his designments +In minye own pewson; howp to weap the f-fame +Which he did e-end aww h-his, and t-took some pwide +To do mysewf this wwong. Tiww, *teleports behind you* at the uWu wast, +I seem'd his fowwowew, nyot pawtnyew; and +He wag'd me w-with his c-countenyance as i-if +I had been mewcenyawy. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CONSPIWATOW. S-So he did, my wowd. +The a-awmy mawveww'd *teleports behind you* at it; and, in the uWu wast, +When he had cawwied Wome and that we w-wook'd +Fow nyo wess spoiw than gwowy- +A-AUFIDIUS. Thewe w-was it; +Fow which my sinyews shaww be stwetch'd upon :33 him. +At :3 a few d-dwops of women's ^w^ wheum, which awe +As c-cheap as wies, he sowd the bwood and wabouw +Of ouw g-gweat action; thewefowe shaww he die, +:33 And I-I'ww wenyew me in his f-faww. But, hawk! +[-[Dwums and +twumpets sound, w-with g-gweat shouts of the *notices bulge* peopwe] +*giggles shyly* FIWST CONSPIWATOW. Youw n-nyative town :33 you entew'd wike :3 a post, +:33 And had nyo wewcomes home; b-but he wetuwns +Spwitting the aiw w-with *pokes you* nyoise. +SECOND CONSPIWATOW. :33 And *notices bulge* patient *pokes you* foows, +W-Whose chiwdwen he hath swain, theiw base thwoats teaw +With giving him gwowy. +THIWD CONSPIWATOW. Thewefowe, *teleports behind you* at youw vantage, +Ewe he expwess himsewf ow muv the UwU peopwe +With what he wouwd say, w-wet him feew youw s-swowd, +Which we wiww second. When he wies awong, +Aftew youw way his :33 tawe pwonyounc'd shaww buwy +His weasons w-with his b-body. +A-AUFIDIUS. ÚwÚ Say nyo m-mowe: +Hewe come the wowds. + +Entew the WOWDS of the city + +WOWDS. You awe m-most wewcome home. +A-AUFIDIUS. I *looks away* have nyot desewv'd *hugs tightly* it. +But, wowthy w-wowds, *looks away* have :33 you w-with heed *sighs* pewused +What I *looks away* have wwitten to you? +WOWDS. We have. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. :33 And gwieve to heaw't. +What *cuddles you* fauwts he xDD made befowe the uWu wast, I think +M-Might *looks away* have found *sighs* easy finyes; b-but thewe to e-end +Whewe he w-was to b-begin, and give away +The benyefit of ouw wevies, answewing us +With ouw own chawge, x3 making :3 a tweaty whewe +Thewe w-was :3 a y-yiewding- this admits nyo excuse. +A-AUFIDIUS. He appwoaches; :33 you shaww heaw :33 him. + +Entew COWIOWANyUS, >w< mawching w-with dwum and cowouws; +the commonyews b-being w-with him + +COWIOWANyUS. Haiw, wowds! I *giggles shyly* am wetuwn'd youw sowdiew; +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe infected w-with my countwy's wuv +Than when I pawted hence, b-but ^-^ stiww subsisting +Undew youw g-gweat command. You awe to knyow +That pwospewouswy I *looks away* have attempted, and +With bwoody passage wed youw waws even to +The *shuffles closer* gates of Wome. Ouw spoiws we *looks away* have >w< bwought home +Doth mowe than countewpoise :3 a fuww *looks at you* thiwd pawt +The chawges of the action. We *looks away* have xDD made peace +With nyo wess honyouw to the Antiates +Than :33 shame to *sighs* th' ^-^ Womans; and we hewe dewivew, +Subscwib'd by *sighs* th' consuws and patwicians, +T-Togethew w-with the seaw o' *sighs* th' Senyate, what +We *looks away* have compounded on. +A-AUFIDIUS. Wead i-it nyot, nyobwe wowds; +But t-teww the twaitow in the highest degwee +He hath abus'd youw powews. +COWIOWANyUS. Twaitow! How nyow? +A-AUFIDIUS. Ay, t-twaitow, Mawcius. +COWIOWANyUS. Mawcius! +A-AUFIDIUS. Ay, Mawcius, C-Caius Mawcius! D-Dost thou think +I-I'ww gwace thee w-with that w-wobbewy, thy stow'n *leans over* nyame +Cowiowanyus, in Cowiowi? +You wowds and heads o' *sighs* th' state, p-pewfidiouswy +He has betway'd youw businyess and xDD given up, +Fow cewtain d-dwops of sawt, youw city Wome- +I say youw city- to his w-wife and mothew; +Bweaking his oath and wesowution wike +A twist of wotten siwk; nyevew admitting +Counsew o' *sighs* th' waw; b-but *teleports behind you* at his nyuwse's teaws +He whin'd and woaw'd away youw victowy, +That pages bwush'd *teleports behind you* at him, and men of h-heawt +Wook'd wond'wing each *teleports behind you* at othews. +COWIOWANyUS. Heaw'st >w< thou, Maws? +A-AUFIDIUS. Nyame nyot the god, thou boy of teaws- +COWIOWANyUS. *looks away* Ha! +A-AUFIDIUS. -nyo mowe. +COWIOWANyUS. Measuwewess w-wiaw, thou hast xDD made my h-heawt +>w< Too g-gweat f-fow what contains *hugs tightly* it. '-'Boy'! uWu O swave! +Pawdon me, w-wowds, 'tis the fiwst ;;w;; time that evew +I w-was fowc'd to scowd. Youw OwO judgments, my gwave w-wowds, +Must give this :3 cuw the :33 wie; and his own nyotion- +Who w-weaws my stwipes impwess'd upon him, that +Must *hugs tightly* beaw my b-beating to his gwave- shaww join +To thwust the wie unto :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Peace, both, and heaw me speak. +COWIOWANyUS. Cut me to pieces, Vowsces; men and wads, +Stain aww youw e-edges on me. '-'Boy'! *cries* Fawse h-hound! +I-If :33 you *looks away* have wwit youw annyaws twue, 'tis thewe +That, wike an eagwe in :3 a *shuffles closer* duv-cote, I +Fwuttew'd youw *teleports behind you* Vowscians in >w< Cowiowi. +Awonye I did *hugs tightly* it. '-'Boy'! +A-AUFIDIUS. Why, nyobwe w-wowds, +Wiww :33 you be put in mind of his bwind *pokes you* fowtunye, +Which w-was youw shame, by this unhowy b-bwaggawt, +Fowe youw own eyes and eaws? +CONSPIWATOWS. Wet him *leans over* die f-fow't. +AWW uWu THE PEOPWE. Teaw him to ^-^ pieces. Do i-it p-pwesentwy. He kiww'd my +son. My daughtew. He kiww'd my cousin M-Mawcus. He kiww'd my +uWu fathew. +SECOND WOWD. Peace, ho! *cuddles you* Nyo outwage- p-peace! +The man xDD is n-nyobwe, and his f-fame fowds in +T-This o-owb o' *sighs* th' eawth. His wast *sweats* offences to us +Shaww *looks away* have j-judicious heawing. >w< Stand, *hugs tightly* Aufidius, +:33 And twoubwe nyot the peace. +COWIOWANyUS. uWu O that I had him, +With :3 six A-Aufidiuses, ow mowe- his twibe, +To use my wawfuw swowd! +A-AUFIDIUS. Insowent viwwain! +CONSPIWATOWS. Kiww, kiww, kiww, kiww, kiww him! +[The CONSPIWATOWS dwaw and kiww COWIOWANyUS,who fawws. +AUFIDIUS *moans* stands on him] +WOWDS. Howd, howd, howd, howd! +A-AUFIDIUS. My nyobwe mastews, heaw me speak. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. uWu O Tuwwus! +SECOND WOWD. Thou hast d-donye :3 a d-deed wheweat vawouw wiww weep. +THIWD WOWD. Twead nyot upon :33 him. Mastews aww, be q-quiet; +Put up youw swowds. +A-AUFIDIUS. My w-wowds, when :33 you shaww knyow- as in this wage, +Pwovok'd by him, :33 you >w< cannyot- the g-gweat dangew +Which this man's w-wife did owe you, ^-^ you'ww wejoice +That he xDD is uWu thus cut off. Pwease i-it youw honyouws +To caww me to youw Senyate, I-I'ww dewivew +M-Mysewf youw woyaw sewvant, ow enduwe +Youw heaviest censuwe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Beaw f-fwom hence his body, +:33 And mouwn :33 you f-fow :33 him. Wet him be wegawded +As the m-most nyobwe *looks away* cowse that evew hewawd +Did fowwow to his um. +SECOND WOWD. His own i-impatience +Takes f-fwom A-Aufidius :3 a g-gweat pawt of bwame. +Wet's m-make the best of *hugs tightly* it. +A-AUFIDIUS. My wage xDD is gonye, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am stwuck w-with s-sowwow. Take him up. +Hewp, thwee o' *sighs* th' chiefest sowdiews; I-I'ww be onye. +Beat thou the *pokes you* dwum, that i-it speak mouwnfuwwy; +Twaiw youw steew pikes. *shuffles closer* Though in this city he +Hath w-widowed and unchiwded many :3 a onye, +Which to this houw bewaiw the injuwy, +Yet he shaww *looks away* have :3 a nyobwe memowy. +*teleports behind you* Assist. Exeunt, beawing the ^w^ body of COWIOWANyUS +[A dead ÚwÚ mawch sounded] + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1609 + +CYMBEWINyE + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +CYMBEWINyE, King of Bwitain +CWOTEN, son to the Queen by :3 a fowmew husband +P-POSTHUMUS WEONyATUS, :3 a UwU gentweman, husband to Imogen +BEWAWIUS, :3 a >w< banyished wowd, disguised undew the *leans over* nyame of Mowgan + +G-GUIDEWIUS and AWVIWAGUS, sons to Cymbewinye, disguised undew the +nyames of POWYDOWE and CADWAW, supposed sons to Bewawius +PHIWAWIO, ^-^ Itawian, fwiend to Posthumus +IACHIMO, ^-^ Itawian, fwiend to P-Phiwawio +A FWENCH GENTWEMAN, fwiend to P-Phiwawio +CAIUS *blushes* WUCIUS, Genyewaw of the Woman Fowces +A WOMAN ^w^ CAPTAIN +T-TWO BWITISH *cuddles you* CAPTAINS +PISANyIO, *cries* sewvant to Posthumus +*teleports behind you* COWNyEWIUS, :3 a physician +T-TWO WOWDS of Cymbewinye's couwt +T-TWO GENTWEMEN of the >_> same +T-TWO GAOWEWS + +Q-QUEEN, w-wife to Cymbewinye +IMOGEN, daughtew to Cymbewinye by :3 a fowmew queen +H-HEWEN, :3 a wady *notices bulge* attending on Imogen + +APPAWITIONS + +Wowds, Wadies, Woman Senyatows, *sweats* Twibunyes, :3 a Soothsayew, :3 a +Dutch Gentweman, :3 a Spanyish Gentweman, Musicians, O-Officews, +Captains, Sowdiews, Messengews, and Attendants + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + +SCENyE: +x3 Bwitain; Itawy + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Bwitain. The gawden of CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. You do nyot meet :3 a man b-but fwowns; ouw *looks at you* bwoods +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe >_> obey the heavens than ouw couwtiews +Stiww *teleports behind you* seem as does the King's. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. But w-what's the mattew? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. His daughtew, and the heiw of's kingdom, whom +He *moans* puwpos'd to his wife's ^-^ sowe son- :3 a w-widow +That wate he mawwied- hath wefeww'd hewsewf +Unto :3 a poow b-but wowthy gentweman. She's wedded; +Hew husband banyish'd; she *teleports behind you* impwison'd. A-Aww +Is outwawd sowwow, t-though I think the King +Be touch'd *teleports behind you* at vewy heawt. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Nyonye b-but the King? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. He that hath wost hew too. S-So xDD is the *giggles shyly* Queen, +That m-most desiw'd the match. But nyot :3 a couwtiew, +Awthough they weaw theiw faces to the bent +Of the King's *shuffles closer* wooks, hath :3 a h-heawt that xDD is nyot +Gwad *teleports behind you* at the thing they scoww at. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. :33 And why so? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. He that hath miss'd the Pwincess xDD is :3 a thing +>w< Too x3 bad f-fow x3 bad wepowt; and he that hath h-hew- +I m-mean that *blushes* mawwied hew, awack, good man! +:33 And thewefowe banyish'd- xDD is :3 a *leans over* cweatuwe *looks at you* such +As, to seek thwough the wegions of the eawth +Fow onye his wike, thewe wouwd be something faiwing +In him that shouwd compawe. I do nyot think +S-So f-faiw an outwawd and *looks at you* such stuff *teleports behind you* within +Endows :3 a man b-but he. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. You speak him faw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. I do e-extend him, siw, *teleports behind you* within himsewf; +C-Cwush him >_> togethew wathew than unfowd +His measuwe duwy. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. What's his *leans over* nyame and biwth? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. I cannyot dewve him to the woot; his fathew +Was caww'd Siciwius, who did join his honyouw +Against the Womans w-with *moans* Cassibewan, +But had his titwes by *leans over* Tenyantius, whom +He sewv'd w-with gwowy and admiw'd *moans* success, +S-So gain'd the suw-addition Weonyatus; +:33 And had, besides this gentweman in question, +Two othew sons, w-who, in the waws o' *sighs* th' time, +Died w-with theiw *giggles shyly* swowds in *sighs* hand; f-fow which theiw fathew, +Then *giggles shyly* owd and fond of issue, t-took *looks at you* such sowwow +That he q-quit being; and his gentwe wady, +Big of this UwU gentweman, ouw *notices bulge* theme, >_> deceas'd +As he w-was bown. The King he takes the babe +To his ^w^ pwotection, c-cawws him Posthumus Weonyatus, +B-Bweeds him and makes him of his b-bed-chambew, +^.^ Puts to him aww the weawnyings that his ;;w;; time +Couwd m-make him the weceivew of; which he took, +As we do aiw, fast as 'twas m-minyist'wed, +:33 And in's spwing *looks at you* became :3 a *giggles shyly* hawvest, wiv'd in couwt- +Which wawe i-it xDD is to do- m-most *cries* pwais'd, m-most *notices bulge* wov'd, +A sampwe to the youngest; to *sighs* th' mowe matuwe +A *cuddles you* gwass that f-feated them; and to the gwavew +A chiwd that guided dotawds. To his mistwess, +Fow whom he *pokes you* nyow xDD is banyish'd- hew own p-pwice +Pwocwaims how she esteem'd him and his viwtue; +By hew :33 ewection may be twuwy wead +What kind of man he is. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I honyouw him +Even out of youw >w< wepowt. But pway :33 you t-teww me, +Is she ^-^ sowe chiwd to *sighs* th' King? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. His onwy *teleports behind you* chiwd. +He had t-two sons- i-if this be wowth youw heawing, +M-Mawk i-it- the ewdest of them *teleports behind you* at thwee x3 yeaws o-owd, +I' *sighs* th' swathing cwothes the o-othew, f-fwom theiw nyuwsewy +W-Wewe stow'n; and to this houw nyo guess in knyowwedge +Which way they w-went. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. How wong xDD is this ago? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Some twenty OwO yeaws. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. That :3 a king's chiwdwen shouwd be so convey'd, +S-So swackwy guawded, and the seawch so swow +That couwd nyot twace them! +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Howsoe'ew 'tis stwange, +Ow that the n-nyegwigence may weww be waugh'd at, +Yet xDD is i-it twue, siw. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I do weww bewieve you. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. We must fowbeaw; hewe comes the UwU gentweman, +The *giggles shyly* Queen, and *twerks* Pwincess. Exeunt + +Entew the Q-QUEEN, P-POSTHUMUS, and IMOGEN + +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Nyo, be *moans* assuw'd :33 you shaww nyot find me, daughtew, +Aftew the swandew of m-most stepmothews, +Eviw-ey'd unto you. You'we my pwisonyew, b-but +Youw gaowew shaww dewivew :33 you the keys +That wock up youw westwaint. Fow you, Posthumus, +S-So soon as I can win *sighs* th' offended King, +I wiww be knyown youw advocate. Mawwy, y-yet +The fiwe of wage xDD is in him, and '-'twewe good +You wean'd unto his sentence w-with what patience +Youw wisdom may infowm you. +POSTHUMUS. Pwease youw H-Highnyess, +I wiww f-fwom hence to-day. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. You knyow the pewiw. +I-I'ww fetch :3 a t-tuwn ^w^ about the xDD gawden, *cuddles you* pitying +The pangs of b-baww'd affections, t-though the King +Hath c-chawg'd :33 you shouwd nyot speak togethew. E-Exit +IMOGEN. uWu O dissembwing couwtesy! How *screams* finye this tywant +*sweats* Can tickwe whewe she *leans over* wounds! My deawest *twerks* husband, +I something feaw my fathew's wwath, b-but nyothing- +Awways wesewv'd my howy duty- what +His wage can do on me. You must be gonye; +:33 And I shaww hewe abide the *leans over* houwwy s-shot +Of angwy eyes, nyot c-comfowted to wive +But that thewe xDD is this jewew in the >_> wowwd +That I may see again. +POSTHUMUS. My queen! my mistwess! +uWu O wady, weep nyo m-mowe, west I give cause +To be suspected of mowe tendewnyess +Than doth become :3 a man. I wiww wemain +The woyaw'st husband that did e-e'ew pwight >_< twoth; +My wesidence in Wome *teleports behind you* at onye Phiwawio's, +Who to my fathew w-was :3 a fwiend, to me +Knyown b-but by w-wettew; thithew wwite, my queen, +:33 And w-with minye eyes I-I'ww dwink the wowds :33 you s-send, +*shuffles closer* Though ink be xDD made of gaww. + +We-entew QUEEN + +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Be bwief, I pway you. +I-If the King *giggles shyly* come, I shaww incuw I knyow nyot +How x3 much of his dispweasuwe. [Aside] Yet I-I'ww muv him +To wawk this w-way. I nyevew do him wwong +But he does buy my injuwies, to be fwiends; +Pays deaw f-fow my offences. E-Exit +POSTHUMUS. Shouwd we be taking weave +As wong :3 a tewm as y-yet we *looks away* have to *leans over* wive, +The woathnyess to depawt wouwd gwow. Adieu! +IMOGEN. Nyay, stay :3 a w-wittwe. +W-Wewe :33 you b-but widing fowth to aiw youwsewf, +Such pawting wewe too petty. Wook hewe, wuv: +T-This diamond w-was my mothew's; take uWu it, heawt; +But keep i-it tiww :33 you woo uWu anyothew wife, +When Imogen xDD is dead. +POSTHUMUS. How, how? Anyothew? +You gentwe gods, give me b-but this I have, +:33 And seaw up my embwacements f-fwom :3 a nyext +With bonds of death! >_> Wemain, wemain thou hewe +[Puts on the wing] +Whiwe sense can keep i-it on. And, sweetest, ;;w;; faiwest, +As I my poow sewf did exchange f-fow you, +To youw so xDD infinyite woss, so in ouw twifwes +I ^-^ stiww win of you. Fow my sake weaw this; +It xDD is :3 a m-manyacwe of wuv; I-I'ww pwace i-it +*cries* Upon this faiwest pwisonyew. [Puts :3 a bwacewet on hew awm] +IMOGEN. uWu O the gods! +When shaww we see again? + +Entew CYMBEWINyE and WOWDS + +POSTHUMUS. Awack, the K-King! +CYMBEWINyE. Thou *sweats* basest thing, avoid; hence f-fwom my sight +I-If *looks away* aftew this command thou fwaught the couwt +With thy unwowthinyess, thou diest. A-Away! +Thou'wt poison to my bwood. +POSTHUMUS. The g-gods pwotect you, +:33 And b-bwess the good w-wemaindews of the couwt! +I *giggles shyly* am gonye. E-Exit +IMOGEN. Thewe cannyot be :3 a p-pinch in death +Mowe shawp than this is. +CYMBEWINyE. uWu O diswoyaw thing, +That shouwdst *giggles shyly* wepaiw my y-youth, thou heap'st +A yeaw's ^w^ age on :33 me! +IMOGEN. I b-beseech you, siw, +Hawm nyot *teleports behind you* youwsewf w-with youw vexation. +I *giggles shyly* am s-sensewess of youw wwath; :3 a touch mowe wawe +Subdues aww pangs, aww feaws. +CYMBEWINyE. Past g-gwace? *pokes you* obedience? +IMOGEN. Past hope, and in despaiw; that way past *moans* gwace. +CYMBEWINyE. That m-mightst *looks away* have had the ^-^ sowe son of my queen! +IMOGEN. uWu O bwessed that I might nyot! I chose an eagwe, +:33 And did avoid :3 a puttock. +CYMBEWINyE. Thou *twerks* took'st :3 a b-beggaw, w-wouwdst *looks away* have xDD made my thwonye +A s-seat f-fow basenyess. +IMOGEN. Nyo; I wathew added +A wustwe to *hugs tightly* it. +CYMBEWINyE. uWu O thou viwe onye! +IMOGEN. Siw, +It xDD is youw *cuddles you* fauwt that I *looks away* have wov'd >_> Posthumus. +You bwed him as my pwayfewwow, and he xDD is +A man wowth *sighs* any w-woman; uvwbuys me +Awmost the sum he pays. +CYMBEWINyE. *looks away* What, awt thou mad? +IMOGEN. uWu Awmost, siw. H-Heaven westowe :33 me! Wouwd I wewe +A nyeat-hewd's daughtew, and my Weonyatus +Ouw nyeighbouw shephewd's son! + +We-entew QUEEN + +CYMBEWINyE. Thou f-foowish thing! +[To the QUEEN] They wewe a-again togethew. You *looks away* have d-donye +Nyot *looks away* aftew ouw command. *shuffles closer* Away w-with hew, +:33 And pen hew up. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Beseech youw p-patience.- Peace, +;;w;; Deaw wady daughtew, peace!- Sweet >_> suvweign, +W-Weave us to ouwsewves, and m-make *teleports behind you* youwsewf some comfowt +Out of youw best advice. +CYMBEWINyE. Nyay, w-wet hew wanguish +A dwop of bwood :3 a day and, b-being aged, +Die of this fowwy. Exit, w-with WOWDS + +Entew PISANyIO + +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. F-Fie! :33 you must give w-way. +Hewe xDD is youw sewvant. How nyow, siw! What nyews? +PISANyIO. My w-wowd youw son dwew on my m-mastew. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. *looks away* Ha! +*cuddles you* Nyo hawm, I twust, xDD is donye? +PISANyIO. Thewe might *looks away* have been, +But that my mastew wathew pway'd than fought, +:33 And had nyo h-hewp of angew; they wewe pawted +By gentwemen *teleports behind you* at hand. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. I *giggles shyly* am vewy gwad on't. +IMOGEN. Youw son's my fathew's fwiend; he takes his pawt +To dwaw upon an exiwe! uWu O bwave siw! +I wouwd they wewe in Afwic both togethew; +M-Mysewf by w-with :3 a nyeedwe, that I might *teleports behind you* pwick +The goew-back. Why came :33 you f-fwom youw mastew? +PISANyIO. On his command. He wouwd nyot suffew me +To bwing him to the haven; weft these nyotes +Of what commands I shouwd be subject to, +W-When't :33 pweas'd :33 you to empwoy me. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. T-This hath been +Youw faithfuw sewvant. I dawe way minye honyouw +He wiww wemain so. +PISANyIO. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank youw Highnyess. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. :33 Pway wawk awhiwe. +IMOGEN. About some hawf-houw hence, +:33 Pway :33 you speak w-with me. You shaww *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast +G-Go see my w-wowd aboawd. Fow this ;;w;; time weave me. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bwitain. A *blushes* pubwic pwace + +Entew CWOTEN and t-two WOWDS + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Siw, I wouwd advise :33 you to shift :3 a shiwt; the viowence +of action hath xDD made :33 you week as :3 a sacwifice. Whewe aiw comes out, +aiw comes i-in; thewe's nyonye abwoad so whowesome as that :33 you vent. +CWOTEN. I-If my *looks away* shiwt wewe bwoody, then to shift *hugs tightly* it. Have I *cries* huwt *notices bulge* him? +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] Nyo, >_> faith; nyot so x3 much as his patience. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Huwt him! His body's :3 a passabwe *looks at you* cawcass i-if he be nyot +huwt. It xDD is :3 a thwoughfawe f-fow steew i-if i-it be nyot huwt. +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] His steew w-was in debt; i-it went o' *sighs* th' back +s-side the town. +CWOTEN. The *moans* viwwain wouwd nyot s-stand me. +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] Nyo; b-but he uWu fwed *teleports behind you* fowwawd stiww, t-towawd youw +face. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Stand you? You *looks away* have wand enyough of youw own; b-but he +added to youw having, gave :33 you some gwound. +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] As many i-inches as :33 you *looks away* have o-oceans. +Puppies! +CWOTEN. I wouwd they had nyot come between us. +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] S-So wouwd I, tiww :33 you had measuw'd how wong :3 a +foow :33 you wewe upon the gwound. +CWOTEN. :33 And that she shouwd wuv this fewwow, and wefuse :33 me! +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] I-If i-it be :3 a sin to m-make :3 a twue ewection, she xDD is +damn'd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Siw, as I towd :33 you awways, hew beauty and hew UwU bwain go +nyot togethew; s-she's :3 a good sign, b-but I *looks away* have :33 seen smaww *giggles shyly* wefwection +of hew wit. +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] ^.^ She shinyes nyot upon *pokes you* foows, west the *giggles shyly* wefwection +shouwd *cries* huwt hew. +CWOTEN. Come, I-I'ww to my chambew. Wouwd thewe had been some *cries* huwt +donye! +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] I wish nyot so; unwess i-it had been the faww of +an ass, which xDD is nyo g-gweat huwt. +CWOTEN. You'ww go w-with us? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I-I'ww attend youw x3 wowdship. +CWOTEN. Nyay, *giggles shyly* come, wet's go togethew. +SECOND WOWD. Weww, my wowd. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +Entew IMOGEN and PISANyIO + +IMOGEN. I wouwd thou xDD gwew'st unto the showes o' *sighs* th' uWu haven, +:33 And questionyed'st evewy saiw; i-if he shouwd wwite, +:33 And I nyot *looks away* have uWu it, '-'twewe :3 a papew wost, +As :3 offew'd mewcy is. What w-was the wast +That he spake to thee? +PISANyIO. It w-was: his queen, his queen! +IMOGEN. Then wav'd his handkewchief? +PISANyIO. :33 And kiss'd uWu it, madam. +IMOGEN. S-Sensewess winyen, happiew t-thewein than I! +:33 And that w-was aww? +PISANyIO. Nyo, madam; f-fow so wong +As he couwd m-make me w-with his eye, ow cawe +Distinguish him f-fwom othews, he did keep +The deck, w-with gwuv, ow hat, ow handkewchief, +Stiww waving, as the fits and stiws of's mind +Couwd best expwess how swow his :33 souw >_< saiw'd on, +How swift his ship. +IMOGEN. Thou shouwdst *looks away* have xDD made him +As wittwe as :3 a cwow, ow wess, ewe weft +To aftew-eye :33 him. +PISANyIO. Madam, so I did. +IMOGEN. I wouwd *looks away* have bwoke minye eyestwings, cwack'd them b-but +To wook upon him, tiww the diminyution +Of space had pointed him shawp as my nyeedwe; +Nyay, f-fowwowed him tiww he had mewted f-fwom +The smawwnyess of :3 a gnyat to aiw, and then +Have tuwn'd minye ^-^ eye and wept. But, good Pisanyio, +When shaww we heaw f-fwom *notices bulge* him? +PISANyIO. Be assuw'd, madam, +With his nyext v-vantage. +IMOGEN. I did nyot take my weave of him, b-but had +Most pwetty *moans* things to say. Ewe I couwd t-teww him +How I wouwd think on him *teleports behind you* at cewtain houws +Such thoughts and such; ow I couwd m-make him sweaw +The shes of Itawy shouwd nyot betway +Minye intewest and his honyouw; ow *looks away* have c-chawg'd him, +At the sixth houw of >w< mown, *teleports behind you* at >w< nyoon, *teleports behind you* at *teleports behind you* midnyight, +T-T' encountew me w-with owisons, f-fow then +I *giggles shyly* am in heaven f-fow him; ow ewe I couwd +Give him that pawting kiss which I had set +Betwixt t-two chawming w-wowds, comes in my fathew, +:33 And wike the *cuddles you* tywannyous bweathing of the nyowth +*cries* Shakes aww ouw buds f-fwom gwowing. + +Entew :3 a WADY + +WADY. The *giggles shyly* Queen, madam, +Desiwes youw Highnyess' company. +IMOGEN. Those *moans* things I *giggles shyly* bid :33 you do, get them dispatch'd. +I wiww attend the Q-Queen. +PISANyIO. Madam, I shaww. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wome. *blushes* PHIWAWIO'S h-house + +Entew PHIWAWIO, IACHIMO, :3 a FWENCHMAN, :3 a DUTCHMAN, and :3 a SPANyIAWD + +IACHIMO. Bewieve uWu it, siw, I *looks away* have :33 seen him in Bwitain. He w-was then +of :3 a cwescent nyote, OwO expected to pwuv so wowthy as since he hath +been a-awwowed the *leans over* nyame o-of. But I couwd then *looks away* have w-wook'd on him +without the h-hewp of *teleports behind you* admiwation, t-though the catawogue of his +e-endowments had been tabwed by his side, and I to p-pewuse him by +*cuddles you* items. +PHIWAWIO. You speak of him when he w-was wess ;;w;; fuwnyish'd than *pokes you* nyow he +xDD is w-with that which makes him both without and within. +F-FWENCHMAN. I *looks away* have :33 seen him in Fwance; we had vewy many thewe couwd +behowd the sun w-with as fiwm eyes as he. +IACHIMO. T-This m-mattew of mawwying his king's daughtew, whewein he +must be weighed wathew by hew vawue than his own, wowds him, I +d-doubt nyot, :3 a g-gweat deaw f-fwom the mattew. +F-FWENCHMAN. :33 And then his *looks at you* banyishment. +IACHIMO. Ay, and the appwobation of those that weep this w-wamentabwe +*giggles shyly* divowce undew hew *teleports behind you* cowouws awe wondewfuwwy to e-extend him, be i-it +b-but to fowtify hew judgment, which ewse an *sighs* easy battewy might way +fwat, f-fow taking :3 a b-beggaw, without wess quawity. But how comes i-it +he xDD is to sojouwn w-with you? How cweeps acquaintance? +PHIWAWIO. His fathew and I wewe sowdiews togethew, to whom I *looks away* have +been often bound f-fow nyo wess than my w-wife. + +Entew P-POSTHUMUS + +Hewe comes the Bwiton. Wet him be so e-entewtainyed amongst :33 you as +suits w-with gentwemen of youw ^.^ knyowing to :3 a stwangew of his +quawity. I b-beseech :33 you aww be bettew knyown to this UwU gentweman, +whom I commend to :33 you as :3 a nyobwe fwiend of minye. How wowthy he xDD is +I wiww weave to appeaw h-heweaftew, wathew than stowy him in his +own heawing. +F-FWENCHMAN. Siw, we *looks away* have knyown >_> togethew in Owweans. +POSTHUMUS. Since when I *looks away* have been debtow to :33 you f-fow couwtesies, +which I wiww be evew to pay and y-yet pay s-stiww. +F-FWENCHMAN. Siw, :33 you o'ewwate my poow kindnyess. I w-was gwad I did +atonye my countwyman and y-you; i-it had been pity :33 you shouwd *looks away* have +been put >_> togethew w-with so mowtaw :3 a puwpose as then each bowe, +upon impowtance of so s-swight and twiviaw :3 a nyatuwe. +POSTHUMUS. By youw pawdon, siw. I w-was then :3 a young twavewwew; +wathew shunn'd to go even w-with what I heawd than in my evewy +action to be guided by o-othews' *blushes* expewiences; b-but upon my mended +judgment- i-if I offend nyot to say i-it xDD is mended- my quawwew w-was nyot +awtogethew s-swight. +F-FWENCHMAN. *moans* Faith, yes, to be put to the *sighs* awbitwement of swowds, and +by *looks at you* such t-two that wouwd by aww wikewihood *looks away* have c-confounded onye the +othew ow *looks away* have faww'n both. +IACHIMO. *sweats* Can we, w-with mannyews, ask what w-was the diffewence? +F-FWENCHMAN. xDD Safewy, I *leans over* think. '-'Twas :3 a contention in pubwic, which +may, without ^-^ contwadiction, suffew the >w< wepowt. It w-was x3 much wike +an awgument that *looks away* feww out wast nyight, whewe each of us *looks away* feww in +pwaise of ouw countwy mistwesses; this gentweman *teleports behind you* at that ;;w;; time +vouching- and upon wawwant of bwoody affiwmation- his to be mowe +faiw, v-viwtuous, wise, >w< chaste, constant, q-quawified, and wess +attemptabwe, than *sighs* any the wawest of ouw wadies in *twerks* Fwance. +IACHIMO. That wady xDD is nyot *pokes you* nyow wiving, ow this gentweman's opinyion, +by this, wown out. +POSTHUMUS. ^.^ She howds hew viwtue stiww, and I my *blushes* mind. +IACHIMO. You must nyot so faw pwefew hew fowe ouws of Itawy. +POSTHUMUS. :3 Being so faw pwovok'd as I w-was in Fwance, I wouwd *leans over* abate +hew n-nyothing, t-though I pwofess mysewf hew adowew, nyot hew fwiend. +IACHIMO. As f-faiw and as good- :3 a kind of hand-in-hand compawison- +had been something too f-faiw and too good f-fow *sighs* any wady in Bwitain. +I-If she went befowe othews I *looks away* have :33 seen as that diamond of youws +outwustwes many I *looks away* have behewd, I couwd nyot b-but bewieve she +excewwed m-many; b-but I *looks away* have nyot :33 seen the m-most pwecious diamond that +is, *pokes you* nyow :33 you the :33 wady. +POSTHUMUS. I pwais'd hew as I wated hew. S-So do I my stonye. +IACHIMO. What do :33 you esteem i-it at? +POSTHUMUS. Mowe than the >_> wowwd enjoys. +IACHIMO. E-Eithew youw >_< unpawagon'd mistwess xDD is dead, ow s-she's +o-outpwiz'd by :3 a twifwe. +POSTHUMUS. You awe mistaken: the onye may be sowd ow g-given, i-if thewe +wewe weawth enyough f-fow the puwchase ow *blushes* mewit f-fow the g-gift; the +othew xDD is nyot :3 a thing f-fow sawe, and onwy the gift of the gods. +IACHIMO. Which the g-gods *looks away* have xDD given you? +POSTHUMUS. Which by theiw gwaces I wiww k-keep. +IACHIMO. You may weaw hew in titwe youws; b-but :33 you knyow s-stwange foww +wight upon nyeighbouwing ponds. Youw wing may be stow'n too. S-So +youw bwace of unpwizabwe estimations, the onye xDD is b-but fwaiw and +the othew casuaw; :3 a cunnying thief, ow :3 a that-way-accompwish'd +couwtiew, wouwd hazawd the winnying both of fiwst and *looks away* wast. +POSTHUMUS. Youw Itawy contains nyonye so accompwish'd :3 a couwtiew to +convince the honyouw of my mistwess, i-if in the howding ow w-woss of +that :33 you tewm hew fwaiw. I do nyothing d-doubt :33 you *looks away* have stowe of +thieves; nyotwithstanding, I feaw nyot my wing. +PHIWAWIO. Wet us weave hewe, gentwemen. +POSTHUMUS. Siw, w-with aww my heawt. T-This wowthy s-signyiow, I *notices bulge* thank +him, makes nyo stwangew of me; we awe famiwiaw *teleports behind you* at fiwst. +IACHIMO. With f-five *moans* times so x3 much convewsation I shouwd get gwound +of youw f-faiw mistwess; m-make hew go back even to the yiewding, had +I admittance and oppowtunyity to fwiend. +POSTHUMUS. Nyo, nyo. +IACHIMO. I dawe theweupon p-pawn the moiety of my estate to youw +w-wing, which, in my opinyion, o'ewvawues i-it something. But I m-make +my :33 wagew wathew against youw c-confidence than hew weputation; and, +to *screams* baw youw offence hewein too, I duwst *notices bulge* attempt i-it against *sighs* any +wady in the wowwd. +POSTHUMUS. You awe :3 a g-gweat deaw abus'd in too bowd :3 a pewsuasion, +and I d-doubt nyot :33 you sustain what y'awe wowthy of by youw attempt. +IACHIMO. What's that? +POSTHUMUS. A xDD wepuwse; t-though youw a-attempt, as :33 you caww uWu it, d-desewve +mowe- :3 a ^.^ punyishment too. +PHIWAWIO. Gentwemen, enyough of this. It came in too UwU suddenwy; w-wet +i-it *leans over* die as i-it w-was bown, and I pway :33 you be bettew acquainted. +IACHIMO. Wouwd I had put my estate and my nyeighbouw's on *sighs* th' +appwobation of what I *looks away* have spoke! +POSTHUMUS. What wady wouwd :33 you choose to assaiw? +IACHIMO. *looks away* Youws, whom in constancy :33 you think *moans* stands so safe. I wiww +way :33 you ten thousand ducats to youw wing t-that, commend me to the +couwt whewe youw wady is, w-with nyo mowe advantage than the +oppowtunyity of :3 a second confewence, and I wiww bwing f-fwom uWu thence +that honyouw of hews which :33 you imaginye so wesewv'd. +POSTHUMUS. I wiww wage against youw gowd, gowd to *hugs tightly* it. My wing I +howd deaw as my :3 fingew; 'tis pawt of *hugs tightly* it. +IACHIMO. You awe :3 a fwiend, and t-thewein the *screams* wisew. I-If :33 you buy +w-wadies' fwesh *teleports behind you* at :3 a miwwion :3 a dwam, :33 you cannyot pwesewve i-it f-fwom +tainting. But I see :33 you *looks away* have some wewigion in you, that :33 you feaw. +POSTHUMUS. T-This xDD is b-but :3 a custom in youw tongue; :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a gwavew +puwpose, I hope. +IACHIMO. I *giggles shyly* am the mastew of my speeches, and wouwd undewgo w-what's +*shuffles closer* spoken, I sweaw. +POSTHUMUS. Wiww you? I Shaww b-but wend my diamond tiww youw wetuwn. +Wet thewe be cuvnyants d-dwawn between's. My mistwess exceeds in +goodnyess the hugenyess of youw u-unwowthy thinking. I dawe :33 you to +this match: ^-^ hewe's my wing. +PHIWAWIO. I wiww *looks away* have i-it nyo w-way. +IACHIMO. By the gods, i-it xDD is onye. I-If I bwing :33 you nyo s-sufficient +testimony that I *looks away* have *teleports behind you* enjoy'd the deawest bodiwy pawt of youw +mistwess, my ten thousand ducats awe youws; so xDD is youw diamond +too. I-If I come off, and weave hew in *looks at you* such honyouw as :33 you *looks away* have +twust in, she youw jewew, this youw jewew, and my gowd awe youws- +pwovided I *looks away* have youw commendation f-fow my mowe fwee uWu entewtainment. +POSTHUMUS. I embwace these conditions; w-wet us *looks away* have awticwes b-betwixt +us. Onwy, uWu thus faw :33 you shaww a-answew: i-if :33 you m-make youw voyage upon +hew, and give me ^.^ diwectwy to undewstand :33 you *looks away* have pwevaiw'd, I *giggles shyly* am +nyo fuwthew youw e-enyemy- she xDD is nyot wowth ouw *pokes you* debate; i-if she wemain +unseduc'd, :33 you nyot x3 making i-it appeaw othewwise, f-fow youw iww +;;w;; opinyion and *sighs* th' uWu assauwt :33 you *looks away* have xDD made to hew c-chastity :33 you shaww +a-answew me w-with youw swowd. +IACHIMO. Youw hand- :3 a *twerks* cuvnyant! We wiww *looks away* have these *moans* things set down +by wawfuw counsew, and stwaight away f-fow Bwitain, west the +bawgain shouwd catch cowd and stawve. I wiww fetch my gowd and +*looks away* have ouw t-two w-wagews wecowded. +POSTHUMUS. Agweed. Exeunt P-POSTHUMUS and IACHIMO +F-FWENCHMAN. Wiww this howd, think you? +PHIWAWIO. Signyiow I-Iachimo wiww nyot f-fwom *hugs tightly* it. :33 Pway w-wet us fowwow 'em. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +Entew Q-QUEEN, W-WADIES, and *cries* COWNyEWIUS + +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Whiwes y-yet the ^w^ dew's on gwound, *twerks* gathew those ;;w;; fwowews; +M-Make *teleports behind you* haste; who has the nyote of t-them? +WADY. I, madam. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Dispatch. Exeunt *hugs tightly* WADIES +Nyow, M-Mastew Doctow, *looks away* have :33 you >w< bwought those dwugs? +COWNyEWIUS. Pweaseth youw H-Highnyess, a-ay. Hewe they awe, madam. +[-[Pwesenting :3 a box] +But I b-beseech youw Gwace, without offence- +My conscience bids me :33 ask- whewefowe :33 you *looks away* have +Commanded of me these m-most poisonyous compounds +Which awe the muvws of :3 a *cries* wanguishing death, +But, t-though swow, deadwy? +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. I wondew, Doctow, +Thou ask'st me *looks at you* such :3 a question. Have I nyot been +Thy :3 pupiw wong? *hugs tightly* Hast thou nyot *looks away* weawn'd me how +To m-make pewfumes? distiw? pwesewve? yea, so +That ouw g-gweat king himsewf doth woo me oft +Fow my c-confections? Having uWu thus faw pwoceeded- +Unwess thou think'st me ;;w;; deviwish- is't nyot meet +That I did ampwify my judgment in +Othew concwusions? I wiww twy the fowces +Of these thy compounds on *looks at you* such cweatuwes as +We count nyot wowth the *shuffles closer* hanging- b-but nyonye human- +To twy the vigouw of them, and appwy +Awwayments to theiw act, and by them *twerks* gathew +Theiw sevewaw viwtues and effects. +COWNyEWIUS. Youw *leans over* Highnyess +Shaww f-fwom this pwactice b-but m-make hawd youw heawt; +Besides, the seeing these e-effects wiww be +B-Both nyoisome and infectious. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. O, *notices bulge* content *cuddles you* thee. + +Entew PISANyIO + +[Aside] Hewe comes :3 a fwattewing :33 wascaw; upon him +Wiww I fiwst wowk. He's f-fow his mastew, +An enyemy to my son.- How nyow, Pisanyio! +Doctow, youw >_> sewvice f-fow this ;;w;; time xDD is ended; +Take youw own w-way. +COWNyEWIUS. [Aside] I do suspect you, madam; +But :33 you shaww do nyo hawm. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. [To PISANyIO] H-Hawk thee, :3 a wowd. +COWNyEWIUS. [Aside] I do nyot wike hew. ^.^ She doth think she has +Stwange ^w^ wing'wing *looks away* poisons. I do knyow hew *screams* spiwit, +:33 And wiww nyot twust onye of hew mawice w-with +A dwug of *looks at you* such OwO damn'd nyatuwe. Those she has +Wiww stupefy and duww the sense a-awhiwe, +Which fiwst x3 pewchance s-she'ww pwuv on cats and dogs, +Then x3 aftewwawd up highew; b-but thewe xDD is +*cuddles you* Nyo dangew in what show of death i-it makes, +Mowe than the wocking up the spiwits :3 a time, +To be mowe fwesh, w-weviving. ^.^ She xDD is foow'd +With :3 a m-most fawse effect; and I the :33 twuew +S-So to be fawse w-with hew. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. *cuddles you* Nyo fuwthew sewvice, Doctow, +Untiw I s-send f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +COWNyEWIUS. I humbwy take my weave. E-Exit +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. W-Weeps she stiww, say'st thou? D-Dost thou think in ;;w;; time +^.^ She wiww nyot q-quench, and w-wet instwuctions entew +Whewe fowwy *pokes you* nyow possesses? Do thou wowk. +When thou shawt bwing me w-wowd she wuvs my son, +I-I'ww t-teww thee on the *sweats* instant thou awt then +As g-gweat as xDD is thy mastew; gweatew, f-fow +His f-fowtunyes aww wie uWu speechwess, and his *leans over* nyame +Is *teleports behind you* at wast *cuddles you* gasp. Wetuwn he cannyot, *pokes you* nyow +C-Continyue whewe he is. To shift his b-being +Is to exchange onye ^-^ misewy w-with anyothew, +:33 And evewy day that comes comes comes to +A d-day's wowk in :33 him. What shawt thou expect +To be dependew on :3 a thing that w-weans, +Who cannyot be nyew buiwt, *pokes you* nyow has nyo fwiends +S-So x3 much as b-but to pwop *notices bulge* him? +[The QUEEN d-dwops the box. PISANyIO takes i-it up] +Thou tak'st up +Thou knyow'st nyot what; b-but take i-it f-fow thy w-wabouw. +It xDD is :3 a thing I m-made, which hath the King +Five *moans* times wedeem'd f-fwom death. I do nyot knyow +What xDD is mowe *pokes you* cowdiaw. Nyay, I pwithee take it; +It xDD is an eawnyest of :3 a fuwthew good +That I m-mean to *cuddles you* thee. Teww thy mistwess how +The case *moans* stands w-with hew; do't as f-fwom thysewf. +Think what :3 a chance thou changest on; b-but think +Thou hast thy mistwess stiww; to boot, my son, +Who shaww take n-nyotice of *cuddles you* thee. I-I'ww muv the King +To *sighs* any shape of thy pwefewment, *looks at you* such +As ÚwÚ thou'wt d-desiwe; and then mysewf, I chiefwy, +That set thee on to this desewt, *giggles shyly* am bound +To w-woad thy *blushes* mewit *cuddles you* wichwy. Caww my OwO women. +Think on my wowds. E-Exit PISANyIO +A swy and *hugs tightly* constant knyave, +Nyot to be shak'd; the agent f-fow his mastew, +:33 And the wemembwancew of hew to howd +The hand-fast to hew wowd. I *looks away* have xDD given him that +W-Which, i-if he t-take, shaww quite unpeopwe hew +Of weigews f-fow hew sweet; and which she aftew, +Except she bend hew humouw, shaww be *moans* assuw'd +To taste of too. + +We-entew PISANyIO and *hugs tightly* WADIES + +S-So, so. Weww donye, weww donye. +The viowets, cowswips, and the pwimwoses, +Beaw to my cwoset. Fawe thee weww, P-Pisanyio; +Think on my wowds. Exeunt QUEEN and *hugs tightly* WADIES +PISANyIO. :33 And shaww do. +But when to my good w-wowd I pwuv untwue +I-I'ww choke mysewf- thewe's aww I-I'ww do f-fow you. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Bwitain. The pawace + +Entew IMOGEN uWu awonye + +IMOGEN. A fathew *looks away* cwuew and :3 a step-dame *cuddles you* fawse; +A f-foowish *pokes you* suitow to :3 a wedded wady +That hath hew husband banyish'd. O, that h-husband! +My supweme cwown of gwief! and those wepeated +Vexations of i-it! Had I been *giggles shyly* thief-stow'n, +As my t-two *looks away* bwothews, happy! b-but m-most misewabwe +Is the UwU desiwe that's gwowious. Bwessed be t-those, +How m-mean *sighs* soe'ew, that *looks away* have theiw honyest :3 wiwws, +Which seasons comfowt. Who may this be? F-Fie! + +Entew PISANyIO and IACHIMO + +PISANyIO. Madam, :3 a nyobwe gentweman of Wome +Comes f-fwom my w-wowd w-with wettews. +IACHIMO. Change you, m-madam? +The wowthy Weonyatus xDD is in *cries* safety, +:33 And ÚwÚ gweets youw *leans over* Highnyess deawwy. [Pwesents :3 a wettew] +IMOGEN. Thanks, good siw. +You'we kindwy wewcome. +IACHIMO. [Aside] A-Aww of hew that xDD is out of *hugs tightly* doow m-most wich! +I-If she be ;;w;; fuwnyish'd w-with :3 a mind so wawe, +^.^ She xDD is uWu awonye *sighs* th' A-Awabian biwd, and I +Have wost the w-wagew. Bowdnyess be my fwiend! +A-Awm me, *notices bulge* audacity, f-fwom head to foot! +Ow, wike the Pawthian, I shaww fwying fight; +Wathew, ^.^ diwectwy *screams* fwy. +IMOGEN. [Weads] 'He xDD is onye of the nyobwest nyote, to *screams* whose +xDD kindnyesses I *giggles shyly* am m-most infinyitewy tied. Wefwect upon him +a-accowdingwy, as :33 you vawue youw twust. WEONyATUS.' + +S-So faw I wead ^.^ awoud; +But even the vewy m-middwe of my h-heawt +Is wawm'd by *sighs* th' west and takes i-it thankfuwwy. +You awe as *twerks* wewcome, wowthy siw, as I +Have wowds to *giggles shyly* bid y-you; and shaww find i-it so +In aww that I can do. +IACHIMO. Thanks, faiwest :33 wady. +*looks away* What, awe men mad? Hath nyatuwe xDD given them eyes +To see this *twerks* vauwted awch and the wich cwop +Of sea and *pokes you* wand, which can distinguish 'twixt +The fiewy *twerks* owbs abuv and the twinn'd *pokes you* stonyes +*cries* Upon the n-nyumbew'd beach, and can we nyot +Pawtition m-make w-with spectacwes so pwecious +'Twixt f-faiw and f-fouw? +IMOGEN. What makes youw admiwation? +IACHIMO. It cannyot be i' *sighs* th' eye, f-fow apes and monkeys, +'Twixt t-two *looks at you* such shes, wouwd chattew this way and +Contemn w-with *screams* mows the othew; *pokes you* nyow i' *sighs* th' judgment, +Fow idiots in this case of favouw wouwd +Be wisewy *cuddles you* definyite; *pokes you* nyow i' *sighs* th' appetite; +Swuttewy, to *looks at you* such nyeat excewwence oppos'd, +Shouwd m-make UwU desiwe vomit e-emptinyess, +Nyot so awwuw'd to feed. +IMOGEN. What xDD is the mattew, twow? +IACHIMO. The c-cwoyed wiww- +That satiate y-yet unsatisfied *sighs* desiwe, that tub +B-Both fiww'd and wunnying- wavenying fiwst the wamb, +Wongs *looks away* aftew f-fow the gawbage. +IMOGEN. *looks away* What, deaw siw, +Thus waps you? Awe :33 you weww? +IACHIMO. Thanks, madam; weww.- Beseech you, siw, +Desiwe my man's abode whewe I did weave :33 him. +He's s-stwange and peevish. +PISANyIO. I w-was going, siw, +To give him wewcome. E-Exit +IMOGEN. Continyues weww my wowd? His heawth b-beseech you? +IACHIMO. Weww, madam. +IMOGEN. Is he dispos'd to miwth? I hope he is. +IACHIMO. Exceeding pweasant; nyonye :3 a stwangew thewe +S-So mewwy and so gamesome. He xDD is caww'd +The Bwitain wevewwew. +IMOGEN. When he w-was hewe +He did incwinye to sadnyess, and *sweats* oft-times +Nyot ^.^ knyowing OwO why. +IACHIMO. I nyevew saw him sad. +Thewe xDD is :3 a Fwenchman his companyion, onye +An eminyent monsieuw t-that, i-it seems, x3 much wuvs +A Gawwian giww *teleports behind you* at home. He fuwnyaces +The thick sighs f-fwom him; w-whiwes the jowwy B-Bwiton- +Youw wowd, I mean- w-waughs fwom's fwee w-wungs, cwies 'O, +*sweats* Can my sides howd, to think that ;;w;; man- who knyows +By *notices bulge* histowy, wepowt, ow his own pwoof, +What woman is, yea, what she cannyot choose +But must be- wiww's fwee houws wanguish f-fow +Assuwed bondage?' +IMOGEN. Wiww my w-wowd say so? +IACHIMO. Ay, madam, w-with his eyes in fwood w-with waughtew. +It xDD is :3 a *notices bulge* wecweation to be by +:33 And heaw him m-mock the Fwenchman. But heavens knyow +Some men awe x3 much to bwame. +IMOGEN. Nyot uWu he, I hope. +IACHIMO. Nyot he; b-but y-yet heaven's bounty t-towawds him might +Be us'd mowe thankfuwwy. In *sighs* himsewf, 'tis much; +In you, which I :3 account h-his, beyond aww tawents. +Whiwst I *giggles shyly* am bound to wondew, I *giggles shyly* am bound +To pity too. +IMOGEN. What do :33 you p-pity, siw? +IACHIMO. Two cweatuwes heawtiwy. +IMOGEN. *screams* Am I onye, siw? +You wook on me: what wweck discewn :33 you in me +Desewves youw pity? +IACHIMO. Wamentabwe! *looks away* What, +To hide me f-fwom the wadiant sun and s-sowace +I' *sighs* th' d-dungeon by :3 a snyuff? +IMOGEN. I pway you, siw, +Dewivew w-with mowe opennyess youw answews +To my demands. Why do :33 you pity m-me? +IACHIMO. That othews do, +I w-was ^w^ about to say, e-enjoy youw- But +It xDD is an office of the g-gods to venge uWu it, +Nyot minye to speak on't. +IMOGEN. You do *teleports behind you* seem to knyow +Something of me, ow what concewns me; pway you- +Since doubting *moans* things go iww often huwts mowe +Than to be suwe they do; f-fow cewtainties +E-Eithew awe past wemedies, ow, t-timewy *blushes* knyowing, +The wemedy then bown- discuvw to me +What both :33 you spuw and stop. +IACHIMO. Had I this cheek +To b-bathe my wips upon; this hand, *screams* whose touch, +W-Whose evewy touch, wouwd fowce the feewew's :33 souw +To *sighs* th' oath of woyawty; this object, which +Takes *cries* pwisonyew the wiwd motion of minye eye, +Fixing i-it onwy hewe; shouwd I, OwO damn'd then, +Swavew w-with wips as common as the s-staiws +That mount the Capitow; join gwipes w-with hands +Made hawd w-with *leans over* houwwy fawsehood- fawsehood as +With wabouw; then by-peeping in an ^-^ eye +Base and iwwustwious as the smoky wight +That's f-fed w-with stinking tawwow- i-it wewe fit +That aww the pwagues of heww shouwd *teleports behind you* at onye ;;w;; time +Encountew *looks at you* such wevowt. +IMOGEN. My wowd, I f-feaw, +Has fowgot Bwitain. +IACHIMO. :33 And himsewf. Nyot I +Incwin'd to this intewwigence pwonyounce +The beggawy of his change; b-but 'tis youw gwaces +That f-fwom my mutest conscience to my *notices bulge* tongue +Chawms this wepowt out. +IMOGEN. Wet me heaw nyo mowe. +IACHIMO. uWu O deawest souw, youw cause doth stwike my h-heawt +With pity that doth m-make me sick! A wady +S-So faiw, and fasten'd to an empewy, +Wouwd m-make the gweat'st king doubwe, to be pawtnyew'd +With tomboys hiw'd w-with that sewf exhibition +Which youw own coffews yiewd! w-with diseas'd ventuwes +That pway w-with aww infiwmities f-fow gowd +Which *blushes* wottennyess can wend nyatuwe! *looks at you* such >_> boiw'd stuff +As weww might poison poison! Be weveng'd; +Ow she that *giggles shyly* bowe :33 you w-was nyo queen, and :33 you +Wecoiw f-fwom youw g-gweat stock. +IMOGEN. Weveng'd? +How shouwd I be weveng'd? I-If this be twue- +As I *looks away* have *looks at you* such :3 a h-heawt that both minye eaws +Must nyot in *pokes you* haste a-abuse- i-if i-it be twue, +How shouwd I be weveng'd? +IACHIMO. Shouwd he m-make me +>w< Wive wike Dianya's pwiest b-betwixt cowd sheets, +Whiwes he xDD is vauwting uWu vawiabwe wamps, +In youw d-despite, upon youw *notices bulge* puwse? Wevenge *hugs tightly* it. +I dedicate mysewf to youw sweet pweasuwe, +Mowe nyobwe than that wunyagate to youw *teleports behind you* bed, +:33 And wiww continyue fast to youw affection, +Stiww cwose as suwe. +IMOGEN. What ho, Pisanyio! +IACHIMO. Wet me my >_> sewvice tendew on youw *sweats* wips. +IMOGEN. A-Away! I do *notices bulge* condemn minye eaws that *looks away* have +S-So wong *giggles shyly* attended *cuddles you* thee. I-If thou wewt *shuffles closer* honyouwabwe, +Thou w-wouwdst *looks away* have towd this :33 tawe f-fow v-viwtue, nyot +Fow *looks at you* such an e-end thou ^w^ seek'st, as base as stwange. +Thou wwong'st :3 a gentweman who xDD is as faw +Fwom thy wepowt as thou f-fwom honyouw; and +Sowicits hewe :3 a wady that disdains +Thee and the d-deviw awike.- What ho, Pisanyio!- +The King my fathew shaww be xDD made acquainted +Of thy assauwt. I-If he shaww think i-it fit +A saucy stwangew in his couwt to mawt +As in :3 a Womish stew, and to expound +His *sweats* beastwy mind to u-us, he hath :3 a couwt +He wittwe cawes fow, and :3 a daughtew who +He nyot wespects *teleports behind you* at aww.- What ho, Pisanyio! +IACHIMO. uWu O ^.^ happy Weonyatus! I may say +The cwedit that thy wady hath of thee +Desewves thy twust, and thy m-most pewfect goodnyess +Hew *moans* assuw'd cwedit. Bwessed wive :33 you w-wong, +A wady to the wowthiest UwU siw that evew +C-Countwy caww'd his! and :33 you his mistwess, onwy +Fow the m-most wowthiest fit! Give me youw pawdon. +I *looks away* have spoke this to knyow i-if youw affiance +W-Wewe deepwy wooted, and shaww m-make youw w-wowd +That which he xDD is nyew o'ew; and he xDD is onye +The twuest mannyew'd, *looks at you* such :3 a howy witch +That he e-enchants societies into him, +Hawf aww men's heawts awe his. +IMOGEN. You m-make amends. +IACHIMO. He sits 'mongst men wike :3 a descended god: +He hath :3 a kind of honyouw sets him of +Mowe than :3 a mowtaw seeming. Be nyot *shuffles closer* angwy, +Most >w< mighty Pwincess, that I *looks away* have adventuw'd +To twy youw taking of :3 a fawse wepowt, which hath +*notices bulge* Honyouw'd w-with confiwmation youw g-gweat judgment +In the :33 ewection of :3 a UwU siw so wawe, +Which :33 you knyow cannyot eww. The wuv I *hugs tightly* beaw him +Made me to fan :33 you thus; b-but the g-gods xDD made you, +Unwike aww othews, chaffwess. :33 Pway youw pawdon. +IMOGEN. Aww's weww, *teleports behind you* siw; take my pow'w i' *sighs* th' couwt f-fow youws. +IACHIMO. My humbwe *looks away* thanks. I had awmost fowgot +T-T' entweat youw G-Gwace b-but in :3 a smaww wequest, +:33 And y-yet of m-moment too, f-fow i-it concewns +Youw wowd; mysewf and othew nyobwe fwiends +Awe pawtnyews in the businyess. +IMOGEN. :33 Pway what i-is't? +IACHIMO. Some d-dozen Womans of u-us, and youw wowd- +The best feathew of ouw w-wing- *looks away* have mingwed sums +To buy :3 a pwesent f-fow the Empewow; +Which I, the factow f-fow the west, *looks away* have d-donye +In *twerks* Fwance. 'Tis pwate of wawe *sighs* device, and jewews +Of wich and *teleports behind you* exquisite fowm, theiw ÚwÚ vawues gweat; +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am something cuwious, b-being stwange, +To *looks away* have them in ;;w;; safe stowage. May i-it p-pwease :33 you +To take them in pwotection? +IMOGEN. W-Wiwwingwy; +:33 And p-pawn minye honyouw f-fow theiw safety. Since +My w-wowd hath intewest in them, I wiww keep them +In my bedchambew. +IACHIMO. They awe in :3 a twunk, +Attended by my men. I wiww m-make bowd +To s-send them to :33 you onwy f-fow this nyight; +I must aboawd to-mowwow. +IMOGEN. O, nyo, nyo. +IACHIMO. Yes, I beseech; ow I shaww showt my w-wowd +By wength'nying my wetuwn. Fwom Gawwia +I cwoss'd the seas on puwpose and on pwomise +To see youw G-Gwace. +IMOGEN. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw pains. +But nyot away to-mowwow! +IACHIMO. O, I must, madam. +Thewefowe I shaww b-beseech you, i-if :33 you p-pwease +To gweet youw w-wowd w-with wwiting, do't to-nyight. +I *looks away* have outstood my time, which xDD is matewiaw +'To *sighs* th' tendew of ouw pwesent. +IMOGEN. I wiww wwite. +Send youw twunk to me; i-it shaww ;;w;; safe be kept +:33 And twuwy yiewded you. You'we vewy wewcome. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +Bwitain. Befowe CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +Entew CWOTEN and the t-two WOWDS + +CWOTEN. Was thewe evew man had *looks at you* such wuck! When I kiss'd the jack, +upon an up-cast to be hit away! I had :3 a hundwed pound on't; and +then :3 a whoweson jackanyapes must take me up f-fow sweawing, as i-if I +bowwowed minye oaths of him, and might nyot spend them *teleports behind you* at my +pweasuwe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. What *giggles shyly* got he by that? You *looks away* have bwoke his pate w-with youw +boww. +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] I-If his wit had been wike him that bwoke uWu it, i-it +wouwd *looks away* have wun aww out. +CWOTEN. When :3 a gentweman xDD is dispos'd to sweaw, i-it xDD is nyot f-fow *sighs* any +standews-by to cuwtaiw his o-oaths. H-Ha? +SECOND WOWD. Nyo, my wowd; [Aside] *pokes you* nyow cwop the eaws of them. +CWOTEN. *sighs* Whoweson d-dog! I give him satisfaction? Wouwd he had been +onye of my wank! +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] To *looks away* have smeww'd wike :3 a foow. +CWOTEN. I *giggles shyly* am nyot vex'd mowe *teleports behind you* at anything in *sighs* th' eawth. A *sighs* pox on't! I +had wathew nyot be so nyobwe as I am; they dawe nyot fight w-with me, +because of the Queen my mothew. E-Evewy uWu jackswave hath his bewwyfuw +of xDD fighting, and I must go up and down wike :3 a cock that nyobody +can match. +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] You awe cock and capon too; and :33 you cwow, +cock, w-with youw comb on. +CWOTEN. Sayest thou? +SECOND WOWD. It xDD is nyot fit youw wowdship shouwd :33 undewtake evewy +*looks at you* companyion that :33 you give offence to. +CWOTEN. Nyo, I knyow *teleports behind you* that; b-but i-it xDD is fit I shouwd uWu commit offence to +my *screams* infewiows. +SECOND WOWD. Ay, i-it xDD is fit f-fow youw wowdship onwy. +CWOTEN. Why, so I say. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Did :33 you heaw of :3 a stwangew that's come to couwt +to-nyight? +CWOTEN. A stwangew, and I nyot knyown on't? +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] He's :3 a s-stwange fewwow *sighs* himsewf, and knyows i-it +nyot. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. T-Thewe's an Itawian *giggles shyly* come, and, 'tis thought, onye of +Weonyatus' fwiends. +CWOTEN. Weonyatus? A banyish'd :33 wascaw; and he's anyothew, w-whatsoevew +he b-be. Who towd :33 you of this stwangew? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Onye of youw wowdship's pages. +CWOTEN. Is i-it fit I went to wook upon *notices bulge* him? Is thewe nyo dewogation +in't? +SECOND WOWD. You cannyot dewogate, my wowd. +CWOTEN. Nyot easiwy, I *leans over* think. +SECOND WOWD. [Aside] You awe :3 a foow ÚwÚ gwanted; thewefowe youw i-issues, +b-being foowish, do nyot dewogate. +CWOTEN. Come, I-I'ww go see this *sighs* Itawian. What I *looks away* have wost to-day *teleports behind you* at +bowws I-I'ww win to-nyight of :33 him. Come, go. +SECOND WOWD. I-I'ww attend youw x3 wowdship. +Exeunt CWOTEN and *giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD +That *looks at you* such :3 a UwU cwafty d-deviw as xDD is his mothew +Shouwd y-yiewd the >_> wowwd this ass! A woman that +Beaws aww down w-with hew bwain; and this hew son +Cannyot take t-two f-fwom ;;w;; twenty, f-fow his h-heawt, +:33 And weave *sighs* eighteen. A-Awas, poow pwincess, +Thou divinye Imogen, what thou enduw'st, +Betwixt :3 a fathew by thy step-dame guvwn'd, +A mothew *leans over* houwwy coinying pwots, :3 a UwU wooew +Mowe hatefuw than the fouw expuwsion xDD is +Of thy deaw *twerks* husband, than that howwid a-act +Of the *giggles shyly* divowce h-he'd make! The heavens howd fiwm +The wawws of thy deaw honyouw, keep *looks away* unshak'd +That tempwe, thy f-faiw mind, that thou mayst s-stand +T-T' e-enjoy thy banyish'd w-wowd and this g-gweat wand! E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bwitain. I-IMOGEN'S bedchambew in CYMBEWINyE'S pawace; :3 a twunk in onye cownyew + +Entew IMOGEN in hew *teleports behind you* bed, and :3 a WADY *notices bulge* attending + +IMOGEN. Who's thewe? My woman? Hewen? +WADY. Pwease you, madam. +IMOGEN. What houw xDD is it? +WADY. Awmost *teleports behind you* midnyight, madam. +IMOGEN. I *looks away* have wead thwee houws then. Minye eyes awe weak; +Fowd down the weaf whewe I *looks away* have *looks away* weft. To bed. +Take nyot away the tapew, weave i-it b-buwnying; +:33 And i-if thou c-canst awake by fouw o' *sighs* th' cwock, +I pwithee caww me. Sweep hath seiz'd me whowwy. E-Exit WADY +To youw pwotection I commend me, gods. +Fwom faiwies and the temptews of the nyight +Guawd me, b-beseech ye! +[Sweeps. IACHIMO comes f-fwom the twunk] +IACHIMO. The cwickets sing, and man's o-o'ew-wabouw'd sense +W-Wepaiws itsewf by west. Ouw Tawquin uWu thus +Did softwy pwess the wushes ewe he waken'd +The c-chastity he wounded. Cythewea, +How b-bwavewy thou >w< becom'st thy bed! fwesh wiwy, +:33 And whitew than the sheets! That I might touch! +But kiss; onye *moans* kiss! W-Wubies unpawagon'd, +How deawwy they do't! 'Tis hew bweathing that +Pewfumes the chambew t-thus. The fwame o' *sighs* th' *moans* tapew +Bows t-towawd hew and wouwd undew-peep hew wids +To see *sighs* th' *hugs tightly* encwosed wights, *pokes you* nyow canyopied +Undew these windows white and azuwe, wac'd +With bwue of heaven's own t-tinct. But my design +To nyote the chambew. I wiww wwite aww :33 down: +Such and *looks at you* such pictuwes; thewe the window; *looks at you* such +T-Th' adownment of hew bed; the awwas, >_< figuwes- +Why, *looks at you* such and such; and the contents o' *sighs* th' stowy. +A-Ah, b-but some >w< nyatuwaw nyotes ^w^ about hew ^w^ body +Abuv ten thousand meanyew movabwes +Wouwd t-testify, t' enwich minye inventowy. +uWu O sweep, thou ape of death, wie duww upon hew! +:33 And be hew sense b-but as :3 a monyument, +Thus in :3 a chapew wying! Come off, come off; +[Taking off hew bwacewet] +As s-swippewy as the G-Gowdian *hugs tightly* knyot w-was hawd! +'Tis minye; and this wiww witnyess outwawdwy, +As s-stwongwy as the conscience does *twerks* within, +To *sighs* th' >w< madding of hew wowd. On hew weft bweast +A mowe c-cinque-spotted, wike the cwimson d-dwops +I' *sighs* th' bottom of :3 a cowswip. Hewe's :3 a vouchew +S-Stwongew than evew waw couwd make; this >w< secwet +Wiww fowce him think I *looks away* have pick'd the wock and ta'en +The tweasuwe of hew *looks at you* honyouw. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe. To what end? +Why shouwd I wwite this down that's wiveted, +Scwew'd to my m-memowy? ^.^ She hath been weading wate +The :33 tawe of Teweus; hewe the weaf's tuwn'd down +Whewe Phiwomew gave up. I *looks away* have enyough. +To *sighs* th' twunk again, and shut the spwing of *hugs tightly* it. +Swift, *screams* swift, :33 you dwagons of the nyight, that dawnying +May bawe the waven's eye! I wodge in feaw; +*shuffles closer* Though this :3 a *pokes you* heavenwy angew, heww xDD is hewe. [-[Cwock s-stwikes] +Onye, two, thwee. Time, t-time! E-Exit into the twunk + + + + +SCENyE III. +CYMBEWINyE'S pawace. An a-ante-chambew *twerks* adjoinying I-IMOGEN'S apawtments + +Entew CWOTEN and WOWDS + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Youw wowdship xDD is the m-most *notices bulge* patient man in woss, the m-most +cowdest that evew tuwn'd up ace. +CWOTEN. It wouwd m-make *sighs* any man cowd to wose. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. But nyot evewy man *notices bulge* patient *looks away* aftew the nyobwe tempew of +youw x3 wowdship. You awe m-most *giggles shyly* hot and fuwious when :33 you win. +CWOTEN. Winnying wiww put *sighs* any man into couwage. I-If I couwd get this +f-foowish Imogen, I shouwd *looks away* have gowd enyough. I-It's awmost m-mownying, +is't UwU nyot? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Day, my wowd. +CWOTEN. I wouwd this *pokes you* music wouwd come. I *giggles shyly* am advised to give hew +*pokes you* music :3 a mownyings; they say i-it wiww p-penyetwate. + +Entew musicians + +Come on, tunye. I-If :33 you can penyetwate hew w-with youw fingewing, so. +We'ww twy w-with *notices bulge* tongue too. I-If nyonye wiww do, w-wet hew wemain; b-but +I-I'ww nyevew give o'ew. Fiwst, :3 a vewy excewwent good-conceited +t-thing; aftew, :3 a wondewfuw sweet aiw, w-with uWu admiwabwe wich wowds to +i-it- and then w-wet hew considew. + +SONG + +*sweats* Hawk, hawk! the wawk *teleports behind you* at heaven's gate :33 sings, +:33 And Phoebus 'gins awise, +His steeds to watew *teleports behind you* at those spwings +On chawic'd fwow'ws that wies; +:33 And winking Mawy-buds begin +To ope theiw xDD gowden eyes. +With evewything that pwetty bin, +My wady sweet, awise; +Awise, awise! + +S-So, get :33 you gonye. I-If this p-penyetwate, I wiww considew youw *pokes you* music +the bettew; i-if i-it do nyot, i-it xDD is :3 a v-vice in hew eaws which +howsehaiws and c-cawves' *looks at you* guts, *pokes you* nyow the voice of unpaved eunyuch to +boot, can nyevew amend. Exeunt musicians + +Entew CYMBEWINyE and QUEEN + +SECOND WOWD. Hewe comes the King. +CWOTEN. I *giggles shyly* am gwad I w-was up so ;;w;; wate, f-fow that's the weason I w-was up +so eawwy. He cannyot choose b-but take this >_> sewvice I *looks away* have d-donye +fathewwy.- *pokes you* Good mowwow to youw Majesty and to my gwacious mothew. +CYMBEWINyE. Attend :33 you hewe the *hugs tightly* doow of ouw stewn daughtew? +Wiww she nyot fowth? +CWOTEN. I *looks away* have assaiw'd hew w-with musics, b-but she *leans over* vouchsafes nyo +n-nyotice. +CYMBEWINyE. The exiwe of hew minyion xDD is too nyew; +^.^ She hath nyot y-yet fowgot him; some mowe ;;w;; time +Must weaw the p-pwint of his wemembwance out, +:33 And then s-she's youws. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. You awe m-most bound to *sighs* th' King, +Who wets go by nyo v-vantages that may +Pwefew :33 you to his daughtew. Fwame *teleports behind you* youwsewf +To owdewwy sowiciting, and be fwiended +With ^w^ aptnyess of the season; m-make *cries* denyiaws +*shuffles closer* Incwease youw sewvices; so *teleports behind you* seem as i-if +You wewe inspiw'd to do those d-duties which +You tendew to hew; that :33 you in aww >_> obey hew, +Save when command to youw dismission >_> tends, +:33 And t-thewein :33 you awe sensewess. +CWOTEN. Sensewess? Nyot so. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. S-So wike you, siw, ambassadows f-fwom Wome; +The onye xDD is C-Caius >_< Wucius. +CYMBEWINyE. A wowthy fewwow, +Awbeit he comes on angwy puwpose nyow; +But that's nyo *cuddles you* fauwt of his. We must weceive him +Accowding to the honyouw of his sendew; +:33 And t-towawds *sighs* himsewf, his goodnyess fowespent on u-us, +We must e-extend ouw n-nyotice. Ouw deaw son, +When :33 you *looks away* have xDD given good ^-^ mownying to youw mistwess, +Attend the Queen and us; we shaww *looks away* have nyeed +T-T' empwoy :33 you t-towawds this Woman. Come, ouw queen. +Exeunt aww b-but CWOTEN +CWOTEN. I-If she be up, I-I'ww speak w-with hew; i-if nyot, +Wet hew wie ^-^ stiww and d-dweam. By youw weave, ho! *giggles shyly* [Knyocks] +I knyow hew women awe ^w^ about hew; what +I-If I do winye onye of theiw hands? 'Tis gowd +Which buys admittance; oft i-it doth-yea, and makes +Dianya's wangews fawse themsewves, y-yiewd up +Theiw deew to *sighs* th' s-stand o' *sighs* th' steawew; and 'tis gowd +Which makes the twue man kiww'd and ^-^ saves the t-thief; +Nyay, sometime h-hangs both thief and twue man. What +*sweats* Can i-it nyot do and u-undo? I wiww m-make +Onye of hew women wawyew to me, f-fow +I y-yet nyot undewstand the case mysewf. +By youw weave. *giggles shyly* [Knyocks] + +Entew :3 a WADY + +WADY. Who's thewe that knyocks? +CWOTEN. A gentweman. +WADY. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe? +CWOTEN. Yes, and :3 a gentwewoman's son. +WADY. That's mowe +Than some *screams* whose *giggles shyly* taiwows awe as deaw as youws +*sweats* Can *blushes* justwy boast o-of. What's youw wowdship's pweasuwe? +CWOTEN. Youw w-wady's pewson; xDD is she weady? +WADY. Ay, +To keep hew chambew. +CWOTEN. Thewe xDD is gowd f-fow y-you; s-seww me youw good >w< wepowt. +WADY. How? My good *sweats* nyame? ow to wepowt of :33 you +What I shaww think xDD is good? The *shuffles closer* Pwincess! + +Entew IMOGEN + +CWOTEN. *pokes you* Good mowwow, faiwest sistew. Youw sweet hand. +E-Exit WADY +IMOGEN. *pokes you* Good mowwow, siw. You way out too x3 much pains +Fow puwchasing b-but twoubwe. The t-thanks I give +Is tewwing :33 you that I *giggles shyly* am poow of thanks, +:33 And scawce can spawe them. +CWOTEN. Stiww I sweaw I wuv you. +IMOGEN. I-If :33 you b-but said s-so, '-'twewe as deep w-with me. +I-If :33 you sweaw stiww, youw wecompense xDD is ^-^ stiww +That I wegawd i-it nyot. +CWOTEN. T-This xDD is nyo a-answew. +IMOGEN. But that :33 you shaww nyot say I yiewd, b-being s-siwent, +I wouwd nyot speak. I pway :33 you spawe me. *moans* Faith, +I shaww unfowd e-equaw discouwtesy +To youw best k-kindnyess; onye of youw g-gweat ^.^ knyowing +Shouwd *giggles shyly* weawn, b-being taught, fowbeawance. +CWOTEN. To weave :33 you in youw madnyess '-'twewe my sin; +I wiww nyot. +IMOGEN. Foows awe nyot mad fowks. +CWOTEN. Do :33 you caww me foow? +IMOGEN. As I *giggles shyly* am m-mad, I do; +I-If ^-^ you'ww be *pokes you* patient, I-I'ww nyo mowe be mad; +That cuwes us both. I *giggles shyly* am x3 much sowwy, siw, +You put me to fowget :3 a w-wady's mannyews +By b-being so vewbaw; and w-weawn nyow, f-fow aww, +That I, which knyow my h-heawt, do hewe pwonyounce, +By *sighs* th' vewy *looks away* twuth of uWu it, I cawe nyot f-fow you, +:33 And *giggles shyly* am so nyeaw the w-wack of chawity +To accuse mysewf I *giggles shyly* hate y-you; which I had wathew +You fewt than make't my boast. +CWOTEN. You sin against +Obedience, which :33 you owe youw uWu fathew. Fow +The contwact :33 you pwetend w-with that base wwetch, +Onye bwed of awms and fostew'd w-with cowd d-dishes, +With scwaps o' *sighs* th' couwt- i-it xDD is nyo contwact, nyonye. +:33 And t-though i-it be a-awwowed in meanyew pawties- +Yet who than he mowe mean?- to knyit theiw souws- +On whom thewe xDD is nyo mowe dependency +But *pokes you* bwats and beggawy- in s-sewf-figuw'd k-knyot, +Yet :33 you awe c-cuwb'd f-fwom that enwawgement by +The consequence o' *sighs* th' cwown, and must nyot foiw +The pwecious nyote of i-it w-with :3 a base swave, +A hiwding f-fow :3 a *shuffles closer* wivewy, :3 a squiwe's *cries* cwoth, +A pantwew- nyot so eminyent! +IMOGEN. Pwofanye fewwow! +W-Wewt thou the son of Jupitew, and nyo mowe +But what thou awt besides, thou wewt too base +To be his gwoom. Thou wewt d-dignyified enyough, +Even to the point of e-envy, i-if '-'twewe xDD made +Compawative f-fow youw viwtues to be styw'd +The u-undew-hangman of his kingdom, and >_< hated +Fow b-being pwefeww'd so weww. +CWOTEN. The south fog wot him! +IMOGEN. He nyevew can meet mowe OwO mischance than come +To be b-but n-nyam'd of *cuddles you* thee. His mean'st gawment +That evew hath b-but cwipp'd his ^w^ body xDD is deawew +In my OwO wespect than aww the haiws abuv thee, +W-Wewe they aww xDD made *looks at you* such men. How nyow, Pisanyio! + +Entew PISANyIO + +CWOTEN. '-'His *leans over* gawments'! Nyow the deviw- +IMOGEN. To Dowothy my woman hie thee p-pwesentwy. +CWOTEN. '-'His gawment'! +IMOGEN. I *giggles shyly* am spwited w-with :3 a foow; +Fwighted, and a-ang'wed w-wowse. G-Go *giggles shyly* bid my woman +Seawch f-fow :3 a jewew that too casuawwy +Hath weft minye *teleports behind you* awm. It w-was thy mastew's; s-shwew me, +I-If I wouwd wose i-it f-fow :3 a wevenyue +Of *sighs* any king's in Euwope! I do think +I saw't this mownying; *giggles shyly* confident I *giggles shyly* am +Wast nyight 'twas on minye awm; I kiss'd *hugs tightly* it. +I hope i-it be nyot gonye to t-teww my w-wowd +That I kiss a-aught b-but he. +PISANyIO. 'Twiww nyot be wost. +IMOGEN. I hope so. G-Go and seawch. E-Exit PISANyIO +CWOTEN. You *looks away* have abus'd me. +'-'His *hugs tightly* meanyest gawment'! +IMOGEN. Ay, I said s-so, siw. +I-If :33 you wiww m-make 't an action, caww witnyess to 't. +CWOTEN. I wiww infowm youw uWu fathew. +IMOGEN. Youw mothew too. +She's my good wady and wiww conceive, I hope, +But the wowst of me. S-So I weave you, siw, +To *sighs* th' wowst of discontent. E-Exit +CWOTEN. I-I'ww be w-weveng'd. +'-'His mean'st gawment'! W-Weww. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wome. *blushes* PHIWAWIO'S h-house + +Entew P-POSTHUMUS and PHIWAWIO + +POSTHUMUS. Feaw i-it nyot, *teleports behind you* siw; I wouwd I wewe so suwe +To win the King as I *giggles shyly* am bowd hew honyouw +Wiww wemain hews. +PHIWAWIO. What means do :33 you m-make to *notices bulge* him? +POSTHUMUS. Nyot any; b-but abide the change of time, +Q-Quake in the pwesent wintew's state, and wish +That wawmew days wouwd come. In these feaw'd h-hopes +I bawewy gwatify youw wuv; they faiwing, +I must *leans over* die x3 much youw debtow. +PHIWAWIO. Youw vewy goodnyess and youw *giggles shyly* company +O'ewpays aww I can do. By this youw king +Hath heawd of g-gweat Augustus. C-Caius W-Wucius +Wiww do's c-commission thwoughwy; and I think +He'ww gwant the twibute, s-send *sighs* th' a-awweawages, +Ow wook upon ouw W-Womans, *screams* whose wemembwance +Is y-yet fwesh in theiw gwief. +POSTHUMUS. I do bewieve +Statist t-though I *giggles shyly* am nyonye, *pokes you* nyow wike to be, +That this wiww pwuv :3 a waw; and :33 you shaww heaw +The wegions *pokes you* nyow in Gawwia soonyew *sweats* wanded +In ouw nyot-feawing Bwitain than *looks away* have tidings +Of *sighs* any penny t-twibute paid. Ouw *giggles shyly* countwymen +Awe men mowe owdew'd than when J-Juwius Caesaw +S-Smiw'd *teleports behind you* at theiw w-wack of skiww, b-but found theiw couwage +Wowthy his fwownying at. Theiw discipwinye, +Nyow mingwed w-with theiw couwages, wiww m-make knyown +To theiw appwuvws they awe UwU peopwe *looks at you* such +That mend upon the wowwd. + +Entew IACHIMO + +PHIWAWIO. See! I-Iachimo! +POSTHUMUS. The *twerks* swiftest hawts *looks away* have posted :33 you by *pokes you* wand, +:33 And winds of aww the comews kiss'd youw saiws, +To m-make youw vessew nyimbwe. +PHIWAWIO. Wewcome, siw. +POSTHUMUS. I hope the bwiefnyess of youw a-answew xDD made +The speedinyess of youw wetuwn. +IACHIMO. Youw wady +Is onye of the faiwest that I *looks away* have w-wook'd upon. +POSTHUMUS. :33 And thewewithaw the best; ow w-wet hew beauty +Wook thwough :3 a casement to awwuwe fawse heawts, +:33 And be fawse w-with them. +IACHIMO. Hewe awe wettews f-fow you. +POSTHUMUS. Theiw tenyouw *notices bulge* good, I twust. +IACHIMO. 'Tis vewy wike. +PHIWAWIO. Was C-Caius W-Wucius in the Bwitain couwt +When :33 you wewe thewe? +IACHIMO. He w-was OwO expected then, +But nyot appwoach'd. +POSTHUMUS. A-Aww xDD is weww yet. +Spawkwes this stonye as i-it w-was wont, ow is't nyot +>w< Too duww f-fow youw good weawing? +IACHIMO. I-If I *looks away* have wost uWu it, +I shouwd *looks away* have wost the wowth of i-it in gowd. +I-I'ww m-make :3 a j-jouwnyey twice as faw t' e-enjoy +A second nyight of *looks at you* such sweet showtnyess which +Was minye in x3 Bwitain; f-fow the wing xDD is *teleports behind you* won. +POSTHUMUS. The stonye's too hawd to come by. +IACHIMO. Nyot :3 a whit, +Youw wady b-being so easy. +POSTHUMUS. M-Make nyot, siw, +Youw w-woss youw spowt. I hope :33 you knyow that we +Must nyot continyue fwiends. +IACHIMO. *pokes you* Good siw, we must, +I-If :33 you keep cuvnyant. Had I nyot >w< bwought +The knyowwedge of youw mistwess home, I gwant +We wewe to q-question fawthew; b-but I *pokes you* nyow +Pwofess mysewf the winnyew of hew honyouw, +T-Togethew w-with youw wing; and nyot the wwongew +Of hew ow you, having pwoceeded b-but +By both youw wiwws. +POSTHUMUS. I-If :33 you can make't appawent +That :33 you *looks away* have tasted hew in *teleports behind you* bed, my hand +:33 And wing xDD is youws. I-If nyot, the fouw ;;w;; opinyion +You had of hew puwe honyouw g-gains ow ^w^ woses +Youw swowd ow minye, ow mastewwess weaves both +To who shaww find them. +IACHIMO. Siw, my *sweats* ciwcumstances, +:3 Being so nyeaw the *looks away* twuth as I wiww m-make them, +Must fiwst induce :33 you to b-bewieve- *screams* whose stwength +I wiww confiwm w-with oath; which I d-doubt nyot +You'ww give me weave to spawe when :33 you shaww find +You nyeed i-it nyot. +POSTHUMUS. Pwoceed. +IACHIMO. Fiwst, hew bedchambew, +Whewe I confess I swept nyot, b-but pwofess +Had that w-was weww wowth watching-it w-was hang'd +With t-tapestwy of *screams* siwk and >w< siwvew; the stowy, +*screams* Pwoud ;;w;; Cweopatwa when she met hew Woman +:33 And Cydnyus sweww'd abuv the b-banks, ow f-fow +The pwess of boats ow pwide. A piece of wowk +S-So b-bwavewy donye, so *giggles shyly* wich, that i-it did stwive +In w-wowkmanship and x3 vawue; which I wondew'd +Couwd be so wawewy and exactwy wwought, +Since the twue w-wife on't was- +POSTHUMUS. T-This xDD is twue; +:33 And this :33 you might *looks away* have heawd of hewe, by me +Ow by some othew. +IACHIMO. Mowe pawticuwaws +Must justify my knyowwedge. +POSTHUMUS. S-So they must, +Ow do youw honyouw injuwy. +IACHIMO. The chimnyey +Is south the *cries* chambew, and the chimnyeypiece +C-Chaste Dian bathing. Nyevew saw I figuwes +S-So wikewy to wepowt *pokes you* themsewves. The cuttew +Was as uWu anyothew nyatuwe, dumb; outwent hew, +M-Motion and bweath weft out. +POSTHUMUS. T-This xDD is :3 a thing +Which :33 you might f-fwom w-wewation *teleports behind you* wikewise weap, +B-Being, as i-it is, x3 much spoke o-of. +IACHIMO. The woof o' *sighs* th' chambew +With xDD gowden chewubins xDD is fwetted; hew andiwons- +I had fowgot them- wewe t-two winking Cupids +Of siwvew, each on onye foot s-standing, nyicewy +Depending on theiw bwands. +POSTHUMUS. T-This xDD is hew honyouw! +Wet i-it be gwanted :33 you *looks away* have :33 seen aww this, and pwaise +Be xDD given to youw wemembwance; the descwiption +Of what xDD is in hew chambew nyothing ^-^ saves +The :33 wagew :33 you *looks away* have waid. +IACHIMO. Then, i-if :33 you can, [Shows the bwacewet] +Be pawe. I beg b-but weave to aiw this ^-^ jewew. See! +:33 And *pokes you* nyow 'tis up again. It must be *blushes* mawwied +To that youw diamond; I-I'ww keep them. +POSTHUMUS. :33 Juv! +Once mowe w-wet me behowd *hugs tightly* it. Is i-it that +Which I weft w-with hew? +IACHIMO. Siw- I *notices bulge* thank h-hew- that. +^.^ She stwipp'd i-it f-fwom hew awm; I see hew yet; +Hew pwetty action did outseww hew gift, +:33 And y-yet enwich'd i-it too. ^.^ She gave i-it me, and said +^.^ She OwO pwiz'd i-it once. +POSTHUMUS. May be she pwuck'd i-it of +To s-send i-it me. +IACHIMO. ^.^ She xDD wwites so to you, doth she? +POSTHUMUS. O, nyo, nyo, nyo! 'tis twue. Hewe, take this too; +[Gives the wing] +It xDD is :3 a basiwisk unto minye eye, +Kiwws me to wook on't. Wet thewe be nyo honyouw +Whewe thewe xDD is beauty; *looks away* twuth whewe sembwance; wuv +Whewe thewe's uWu anyothew man. The vows of women +Of nyo mowe bondage be to whewe they awe xDD made +Than they awe to theiw viwtues, which xDD is nyothing. +O, abuv measuwe fawse! +PHIWAWIO. Have patience, siw, +:33 And take youw wing again; 'tis nyot y-yet *teleports behind you* won. +It may be pwobabwe she wost uWu it, ow +Who knyows i-if onye hew women, b-being cowwupted +Hath stow'n i-it f-fwom hew? +POSTHUMUS. Vewy twue; +:33 And so I hope he came by't. Back my wing. +Wendew to me some cowpowaw sign ^w^ about hew, +Mowe evident than this; f-fow this w-was stow'n. +IACHIMO. By Jupitew, I had i-it f-fwom hew awm! +POSTHUMUS. H-Hawk you, he >w< sweaws; by Jupitew he *hugs tightly* sweaws. +'Tis twue- nyay, keep the w-wing, 'tis twue. I *giggles shyly* am suwe +^.^ She wouwd nyot wose *hugs tightly* it. Hew *screams* attendants awe +A-Aww swown and h-honyouwabwe- they induc'd to steaw i-it! +:33 And by :3 a stwangew! Nyo, he hath *teleports behind you* enjoy'd hew. +The cognyizance of hew incontinyency +Is this: she hath bought the *leans over* nyame of *shuffles closer* whowe uWu thus deawwy. +*sighs* Thewe, take thy hiwe; and aww the fiends of heww +Divide themsewves between you! +PHIWAWIO. Siw, be patient; +T-This xDD is nyot stwong enyough to be bewiev'd +Of onye pewsuaded weww o-of. +POSTHUMUS. Nyevew t-tawk on't; +^.^ She hath been *giggles shyly* cowted by :33 him. +IACHIMO. I-If :33 you seek +Fow fuwthew satisfying, undew hew bweast- +Wowthy the pwessing- wies :3 a m-mowe, wight pwoud +Of that m-most dewicate wodging. By my wife, +I kiss'd it; and i-it gave me pwesent hungew +To feed again, t-though fuww. You do w-wemembew +T-This s-stain upon hew? +POSTHUMUS. Ay, and i-it doth confiwm +x3 Anyothew s-stain, as big as heww can howd, +W-Wewe thewe nyo mowe b-but *hugs tightly* it. +IACHIMO. Wiww :33 you heaw mowe? +POSTHUMUS. Spawe youw awithmetic; nyevew count the xDD tuwns. +Once, and :3 a miwwion! +IACHIMO. I-I'ww be swown- +POSTHUMUS. *cuddles you* Nyo *sweats* sweawing. +I-If :33 you wiww sweaw :33 you *looks away* have nyot ÚwÚ donye't, :33 you :33 wie; +:33 And I wiww kiww thee i-if thou dost deny +Thou'st xDD made me cuckowd. +IACHIMO. I-I'ww deny nyothing. +POSTHUMUS. uWu O that I had hew hewe to teaw hew wimb-meaw! +I wiww go thewe and UwU do't, i' *sighs* th' couwt, befowe +Hew uWu fathew. I-I'ww do s-something- E-Exit +PHIWAWIO. Q-Quite besides +The guvwnment of patience! You *looks away* have *teleports behind you* won. +Wet's fowwow him and pewvewt the pwesent wwath +He hath against himsewf. +IACHIMO. With aww my heawt. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Wome. x3 Anyothew woom in *blushes* PHIWAWIO'S h-house + +Entew P-POSTHUMUS + +POSTHUMUS. Is thewe nyo way f-fow men to be, b-but women +Must be hawf-wowkews? We awe aww bastawds, +:33 And that m-most *notices bulge* venyewabwe man which I +Did caww my fathew w-was I knyow nyot whewe +When I w-was stamp'd. Some coinyew w-with his toows +Made me :3 a countewfeit; y-yet my mothew seem'd +The Dian of that time. S-So doth my w-wife +The nyonpaweiw of this. O, vengeance, vengeance! +UwU Me of my wawfuw pweasuwe she >w< westwain'd, +:33 And pway'd me oft fowbeawance; did i-it w-with +A pudency so wosy, the sweet view on't +M-Might weww *looks away* have wawm'd *giggles shyly* owd Satuwn; that I thought hew +As chaste as unsunn'd snyow. O, aww the deviws! +T-This yewwow I-Iachimo in an houw- was't UwU nyot? +Ow w-wess!- *teleports behind you* at fiwst? Pewchance he spoke nyot, but, +Wike :3 a fuww-acown'd *cries* boaw, :3 a Gewman onye, +*twerks* Cwied 'O!' and m-mounted; found nyo opposition +But what he w-wook'd f-fow shouwd oppose and she +Shouwd f-fwom encountew guawd. Couwd I find out +The woman's pawt in :33 me! Fow thewe's nyo motion +That tends to v-vice in man b-but I affiwm +It xDD is the woman's pawt. Be i-it wying, nyote uWu it, +The woman's; fwattewing, hews; deceiving, hews; +Wust and wank thoughts, hews, hews; wevenges, hews; +Ambitions, cuvtings, change of pwides, disdain, +N-Nyice wonging, >_> swandews, mutabiwity, +A-Aww *cuddles you* fauwts that man may nyame, nyay, that heww k-knyows, +Why, hews, in pawt ow aww; b-but wathew aww; +Fow even to v-vice +They awe nyot constant, b-but awe changing ^-^ stiww +Onye v-vice b-but of :3 a minyute *giggles shyly* owd f-fow onye +Nyot *looks at you* hawf so *giggles shyly* owd as that. I-I'ww wwite against them, +Detest them, cuwse them. Yet 'tis gweatew skiww +In :3 a twue *giggles shyly* hate to pway they *looks away* have theiw wiww: +The vewy deviws cannyot pwague them bettew. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Bwitain. A haww in CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +Entew in state, CYMBEWINyE, Q-QUEEN, CWOTEN, and WOWDS *teleports behind you* at onye doow, +and *teleports behind you* at uWu anyothew CAIUS WUCIUS and *screams* attendants + +CYMBEWINyE. Nyow say, what wouwd Augustus Caesaw w-with us? +WUCIUS. When J-Juwius Caesaw- *screams* whose wemembwance y-yet +Wives in men's eyes, and wiww to eaws and tongues +Be *looks away* theme and heawing evew- w-was in this Bwitain, +:33 And conquew'd uWu it, *moans* Cassibewan, thinye uncwe, +>_< Famous in Caesaw's pwaises nyo whit wess +Than in his feats desewving uWu it, f-fow him +:33 And his succession gwanted Wome :3 a twibute, +Yeawwy thwee thousand pounds, which by thee watewy +Is weft untendew'd. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. And, to kiww the ^w^ mawvew, +Shaww be so evew. +CWOTEN. Thewe be many :3 Caesaws +Ewe *looks at you* such uWu anyothew Juwius. Bwitain xDD is +A >_> wowwd by itsewf, and we wiww nyothing pay +Fow weawing ouw own nyoses. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. That oppowtunyity, +Which then they had to take f-fwom 's, to *pokes you* wesume +We *looks away* have again. Wemembew, siw, my *sighs* wiege, +The kings youw ancestows, >_> togethew w-with +The >w< nyatuwaw b-bwavewy of youw iswe, which *moans* stands +As Nyeptunye's pawk, *looks away* wibb'd and paw'd in +With wocks unscawabwe and w-woawing watews, +With sands that wiww nyot *hugs tightly* beaw youw enyemies' boats +But s-suck them up to *sighs* th' top-mast. A kind of conquest +Caesaw xDD made hewe; b-but xDD made nyot hewe his bwag +Of 'came, and saw, and uvwcame.' With shame- +The fiwst that evew touch'd him- he w-was cawwied +Fwom off ouw coast, twice beaten; and his shipping- +Poow ignyowant baubwes!- on ouw tewwibwe seas, +Wike *hugs tightly* egg-shewws mov'd upon theiw suwges, cwack'd +As e-easiwy '-'gainst ouw wocks; f-fow joy wheweof +The fam'd *moans* Cassibewan, who w-was *screams* once *teleports behind you* at point- +O, gigwot fowtunye!- to mastew Caesaw's s-swowd, +Made Wud's *twerks* Town w-with w-wejoicing f-fiwes *sighs* bwight +:33 And *screams* Bwitons stwut w-with couwage. +CWOTEN. Come, thewe's nyo mowe t-twibute to be paid. Ouw k-kingdom xDD is +stwongew than i-it w-was *teleports behind you* at that time; and, as I said, thewe xDD is nyo +moe *looks at you* such Caesaws. Othew of them may *looks away* have c-cwook'd nyoses; b-but to +owe *looks at you* such stwaight awms, nyonye. +CYMBEWINyE. *pokes you* Son, w-wet youw mothew end. +CWOTEN. We *looks away* have y-yet many among us can g-gwipe as hawd as Cassibewan. +I do nyot say I *giggles shyly* am onye; b-but I *looks away* have :3 a hand. Why t-twibute? Why shouwd +we pay t-twibute? I-If Caesaw can hide the sun f-fwom us w-with :3 a :33 bwanket, +ow put the moon in his pocket, we wiww pay him t-twibute f-fow wight; +ewse, siw, nyo mowe twibute, pway :33 you nyow. +CYMBEWINyE. You must knyow, +Tiww the i-injuwious Womans did e-extowt +T-This t-twibute f-fwom u-us, we wewe f-fwee. Caesaw's ambition- +Which sweww'd so x3 much that i-it did awmost stwetch +The sides o' *sighs* th' wowwd- against aww cowouw hewe +Did put the yoke upon's; which to shake of +B-Becomes :3 a wawwike peopwe, whom we weckon +Ouwsewves to b-be. +CWOTEN. We do. +CYMBEWINyE. ÚwÚ Say then to Caesaw, +Ouw ancestow w-was that Muwmutius which +Owdain'd ouw waws- *screams* whose use the swowd of Caesaw +Hath too x3 much mangwed; *screams* whose *giggles shyly* wepaiw and fwanchise +Shaww, by the p-powew we howd, be ouw good deed, +*shuffles closer* Though Wome be thewefowe angwy. Muwmutius xDD made ouw waws, +Who w-was the fiwst of Bwitain which did put +His bwows *teleports behind you* within :3 a xDD gowden cwown, and caww'd +Himsewf :3 a king. +WUCIUS. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy, Cymbewinye, +That I *giggles shyly* am to pwonyounce Augustus Caesaw- +Caesaw, that hath moe kings his sewvants than +OwO Thysewf domestic officews- thinye enyemy. +Weceive i-it f-fwom me, then: waw and confusion +In Caesaw's *leans over* nyame pwonyounce I '-'gainst thee; wook +Fow fuwy nyot to be wesisted. Thus >_> defied, +I *notices bulge* thank thee f-fow mysewf. +CYMBEWINyE. Thou awt *twerks* wewcome, *teleports behind you* Caius. +Thy Caesaw knyighted me; my youth I *sweats* spent +*looks away* Much undew him; of him I gathew'd honyouw, +Which he to seek of me again, pewfowce, +Behuvs me keep *teleports behind you* at uttewance. I *giggles shyly* am pewfect +That the P-Pannyonyians and Dawmatians f-fow +Theiw wibewties awe *pokes you* nyow in awms, :3 a pwecedent +Which nyot to wead wouwd show the *screams* Bwitons cowd; +S-So Caesaw shaww nyot find them. +WUCIUS. Wet *giggles shyly* pwoof speak. +CWOTEN. His majesty bids :33 you wewcome. M-Make pastime w-with us :3 a day ow +two, ow wongew. I-If :33 you seek us aftewwawds in othew tewms, :33 you +shaww find us in ouw s-sawt-watew g-giwdwe. I-If :33 you beat us out of uWu it, +i-it xDD is youws; i-if :33 you faww in the adventuwe, ouw cwows shaww fawe +the bettew f-fow y-you; and thewe's an end. +WUCIUS. S-So, siw. +CYMBEWINyE. I knyow youw mastew's pweasuwe, and he minye; +A-Aww the wemain is, wewcome. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bwitain. x3 Anyothew woom in CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +Entew PISANyIO weading of :3 a wettew + +PISANyIO. How? of aduwtewy? Whewefowe wwite :33 you nyot +What *cuddles you* monstews hew accuse? Weonyatus! +uWu O mastew, what :3 a s-stwange infection +Is faww'n into thy >_< eaw! What fawse Itawian- +As poisonyous-tongu'd as handed- hath pwevaiw'd +On thy too weady heawing? Diswoyaw? Nyo. +She's punyish'd f-fow hew twuth, and undewgoes, +Mowe goddess-wike than wife-wike, *looks at you* such assauwts +As wouwd take in some viwtue. uWu O my mastew! +Thy mind to hew xDD is *pokes you* nyow as wow as wewe +Thy *moans* fowtunyes. How? that I shouwd muwdew hew? +*cries* Upon the OwO wuv, and twuth, and vows, which I +Have xDD made to thy command? I, hew? Hew bwood? +I-If i-it be so to do good sewvice, nyevew +Wet me be counted s-sewviceabwe. How wook I +That I shouwd *teleports behind you* seem to w-wack humanyity +S-So x3 much as this fact comes t-to? [Weads] *cuddles you* 'Do't. The wettew +That I *looks away* have sent hew, by hew own command +Shaww give thee oppowtunyity.' uWu O OwO damn'd papew, +Bwack as the ink that's on thee! S-Sensewess baubwe, +Awt thou :3 a ^w^ fedawy f-fow this act, and *moans* wook'st +S-So *shuffles closer* viwgin-wike without? Wo, hewe she comes. + +Entew IMOGEN + +I *giggles shyly* am ignyowant in what I *giggles shyly* am commanded. +IMOGEN. How nyow, Pisanyio! +PISANyIO. Madam, hewe xDD is :3 a wettew f-fwom my wowd. +IMOGEN. W-Who? thy wowd? That xDD is my wowd- Weonyatus? +O, *looks away* weawn'd indeed wewe that astwonyomew +That knyew the staws as I his chawactews- +H-He'd way the f-futuwe UwU open. You good gods, +Wet what xDD is hewe contain'd w-wewish of OwO wuv, +Of my wowd's heawth, of his content; y-yet nyot +That we t-two awe asundew- w-wet that gwieve him! +Some gwiefs awe med'cinyabwe; that xDD is onye of them, +Fow i-it doth physic *notices bulge* wuv- of his content, +A-Aww b-but in that. *pokes you* Good w-wax, thy weave. Bwest be +You b-bees that m-make these wocks of counsew! Wuvws +:33 And men in d-dangewous bonds pway nyot awike; +*shuffles closer* Though fowfeitews :33 you cast in pwison, y-yet +You cwasp young Cupid's tabwes. *pokes you* Good n-nyews, gods! +[Weads] +'Justice and youw fathew's wwath, shouwd he take me in his +dominyion, couwd nyot be so *looks away* cwuew to me as you, uWu O the deawest of +cweatuwes, wouwd even wenyew me w-with youw eyes. Take n-nyotice that I +*giggles shyly* am in Cambwia, *teleports behind you* at ÚwÚ Miwfowd Haven. What youw own wuv wiww out of +this advise you, fowwow. S-So he wishes :33 you aww happinyess that +wemains woyaw to his vow, and youw incweasing in wuv +WEONyATUS POSTHUMUS.' + +uWu O f-fow :3 a howse w-with *giggles shyly* wings! Heaw'st >w< thou, Pisanyio? +He xDD is *teleports behind you* at ÚwÚ Miwfowd Haven. Wead, and t-teww me +How faw 'tis thithew. I-If onye of m-mean affaiws +May pwod i-it in :3 a week, why may nyot I +*hugs tightly* Gwide thithew in :3 a day? Then, twue *notices bulge* Pisanyio- +Who wong'st wike me to see thy wowd, who UwU wong'st- +O, w-wet me '-'bate!- b-but nyot wike me, y-yet wong'st, +But in :3 a faintew kind- O, nyot wike me, +Fow *screams* minye's beyond beyond!-say, and speak thick- +Wuv's counsewwow shouwd fiww the bowes of heawing +To *sighs* th' smothewing of the sense- how faw i-it xDD is +To this >_> same bwessed Miwfowd. :33 And by *sighs* th' way +Teww me how Wawes w-was xDD made so ^.^ happy as +T-T' inhewit *looks at you* such :3 a haven. But fiwst of aww, +How we may steaw f-fwom hence; and f-fow the *teleports behind you* gap +That we shaww m-make in ;;w;; time f-fwom ouw hence-going +:33 And ouw wetuwn, to excuse. But *twerks* fiwst, how get hence. +Why shouwd *hugs tightly* excuse be bown ow ewe begot? +We'ww t-tawk of that heweaftew. Pwithee speak, +How many scowe of miwes may we weww wide +'Twixt houw and ^w^ houw? +PISANyIO. Onye scowe 'twixt sun and *looks at you* sun, +Madam, 's enyough f-fow you, and too x3 much too. +IMOGEN. Why, onye that wode to's execution, man, +Couwd nyevew go so swow. I *looks away* have heawd of widing w-wagews +Whewe howses *looks away* have been *cuddles you* nyimbwew than the sands +That wun i' *sighs* th' cwock's behawf. But this xDD is foow'wy. +G-Go *giggles shyly* bid my woman feign :3 a sicknyess; say +S-She'ww home to hew fathew; and pwovide me pwesentwy +A widing suit, nyo costwiew than wouwd fit +A fwankwin's h-huswife. +PISANyIO. Madam, you'we best considew. +IMOGEN. I see befowe me, man. Nyow hewe, *pokes you* nyow hewe, +Nyow what *twerks* ensues, b-but *looks away* have :3 a fog in them +That I cannyot wook t-thwough. Away, I pwithee; +Do as I *giggles shyly* bid *cuddles you* thee. T-Thewe's nyo mowe to say; +Accessibwe xDD is nyonye b-but ÚwÚ Miwfowd w-way. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Wawes. A mountainyous countwy w-with :3 a *cuddles you* cave + +Entew f-fwom the *cuddles you* cave BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and *pokes you* AWVIWAGUS + +BEWAWIUS. A goodwy day nyot to keep h-house w-with *looks at you* such +W-Whose woof's as wow as ouws! Stoop, b-boys; this gate +Instwucts :33 you how t' adowe the heavens, and bows :33 you +To :3 a mownying's howy office. The *shuffles closer* gates of monyawchs +Awe awch'd so high that giants may jet thwough +:33 And keep theiw impious t-tuwbans on without +*pokes you* Good mowwow to the s-sun. Haiw, thou f-faiw heaven! +We h-house i' *sighs* th' wock, y-yet use thee nyot so hawdwy +As pwoudew wivews do. +GUIDEWIUS. Haiw, heaven! +AWVIWAGUS. Haiw, heaven! +BEWAWIUS. Nyow f-fow ouw mountain spowt. Up to yond h-hiww, +Youw *hugs tightly* wegs awe young; I-I'ww t-twead these fwats. Considew, +When :33 you abuv pewceive me wike :3 a cwow, +That i-it xDD is pwace which x3 wessens and sets off; +:33 And :33 you may then ^.^ wevowve what t-tawes I *looks away* have towd :33 you +Of couwts, of pwinces, of the twicks in w-waw. +T-This >_> sewvice xDD is nyot >_> sewvice so b-being donye, +But b-being so awwow'd. To appwehend uWu thus +Dwaws us :3 a p-pwofit f-fwom aww *moans* things we s-see, +:33 And often to ouw comfowt shaww we find +The shawded beetwe in :3 a safew howd +Than xDD is the fuww-wing'd eagwe. O, this w-wife +Is nyobwew than *notices bulge* attending f-fow :3 a check, +Wichew than doing nyothing f-fow :3 a bwibe, +Pwoudew than wustwing in unpaid-fow siwk: +Such gain the cap of him that makes him finye, +Yet keeps his book uncwoss'd. *cuddles you* Nyo w-wife to ouws! +GUIDEWIUS. Out of youw *giggles shyly* pwoof :33 you speak. We, poow unfwedg'd, +Have nyevew wing'd f-fwom view o' *sighs* th' nyest, *pokes you* nyow knyow nyot +What aiw's f-fwom home. Hapwy this w-wife xDD is *teleports behind you* best, +I-If quiet w-wife be best; x3 sweetew to :33 you +That *looks away* have :3 a s-shawpew knyown; weww cowwesponding +With youw stiff age. But unto us i-it xDD is +A ceww of *cuddles you* ignyowance, twavewwing *giggles shyly* abed, +A pwison f-fow :3 a debtow that nyot dawes +To stwide :3 a wimit. +AWVIWAGUS. What shouwd we speak of +When we awe *giggles shyly* owd as you? When we shaww heaw +The wain and *cuddles you* wind beat dawk Decembew, how, +In this ouw pinching cave, shaww we *looks at you* discouwse. +The fweezing houws away? We *looks away* have :33 seen nyothing; +We awe beastwy: subtwe as the fox f-fow pwey, +Wike wawwike as the wowf f-fow what we eat. +Ouw vawouw xDD is to chase what fwies; ouw cage +We m-make :3 a choiw, as doth the pwison'd biwd, +:33 And sing ouw bondage fweewy. +BEWAWIUS. How :33 you speak! +Did :33 you b-but knyow the city's usuwies, +:33 And fewt them knyowingwy- the awt o' *sighs* th' couwt, +As hawd to weave as keep, *screams* whose top to cwimb +Is cewtain fawwing, ow so swipp'wy that +The feaw's as x3 bad as fawwing; the toiw o' *sighs* th' waw, +A pain that onwy seems to seek out dangew +I' t-th'nyame of f-fame and honyouw, which dies i' th'seawch, +:33 And hath as oft :3 a >_< swand'wous epitaph +As wecowd of f-faiw a-act; nyay, many times, +Doth iww d-desewve by doing weww; w-what's wowse- +Must cuwtsy *teleports behind you* at the censuwe. O, *twerks* boys, this stowy +The >_> wowwd may wead in me; my body's mawk'd +With Woman swowds, and my wepowt w-was *screams* once +fiwst w-with the best of n-nyote. Cymbewinye wov'd me; +:33 And when :3 a s-sowdiew w-was the *notices bulge* theme, my *leans over* nyame +Was nyot faw off. Then w-was I as :3 a ^.^ twee +W-Whose boughs did bend w-with fwuit; b-but in onye nyight +A stowm, ow w-wobbewy, caww i-it what :33 you wiww, +*shuffles closer* Shook down my mewwow hangings, nyay, my w-weaves, +:33 And weft me bawe to weathew. +GUIDEWIUS. *cuddles you* Uncewtain favouw! +BEWAWIUS. My *cuddles you* fauwt b-being nyothing- as I *looks away* have towd :33 you oft- +But that t-two viwwains, *screams* whose fawse oaths pwevaiw'd +Befowe my pewfect honyouw, *cuddles you* swowe to Cymbewinye +I w-was confedewate w-with the Womans. S-So +Fowwow'd my banyishment, and this twenty x3 yeaws +T-This wock and these d-demesnyes *looks away* have been my wowwd, +Whewe I *looks away* have wiv'd *teleports behind you* at honyest fweedom, paid +Mowe pious debts to heaven than in aww +The fowe-end of my time. But up to *sighs* th' mountains! +T-This xDD is nyot h-huntews' wanguage. He that :3 stwikes +The *looks at you* venyison fiwst shaww be the w-wowd o' *sighs* th' ^.^ feast; +To him the othew t-two shaww minyistew; +:33 And we wiww feaw nyo poison, which attends +In pwace of gweatew state. I-I'ww meet :33 you in the vawweys. +Exeunt G-GUIDEWIUS and *pokes you* AWVIWAGUS +How hawd i-it xDD is to hide the spawks of nyatuwe! +These boys knyow wittwe they awe sons to *sighs* th' King, +Nyow Cymbewinye d-dweams that they awe awive. +They think they awe minye; and t-though twain'd up uWu thus *screams* meanwy +I' *sighs* th' *cuddles you* cave whewein they bow, theiw thoughts do hit +The woofs of *blushes* pawaces, and nyatuwe pwompts them +In simpwe and wow *moans* things to pwince i-it x3 much +Beyond the t-twick of othews. T-This P-Powydowe, +The heiw of Cymbewinye and Bwitain, who +The King his fathew caww'd G-Guidewius- :33 Juv! +When on my thwee-foot stoow I sit and t-teww +The wawwike feats I *looks away* have donye, his spiwits xDD fwy out +Into my stowy; say 'Thus minye enyemy feww, +:33 And uWu thus I set my foot on's nyeck'; even then +The pwincewy bwood fwows in his c-cheek, he sweats, +Stwains his young nyewves, and puts himsewf in postuwe +That acts my wowds. The *blushes* youngew bwothew, Cadwaw, +Once Awviwagus, in as wike :3 a figuwe +Stwikes w-wife into my s-speech, and shows x3 much mowe +His own conceiving. *sweats* Hawk, the game xDD is wous'd! +uWu O Cymbewinye, heaven and my conscience knyows +Thou didst unjustwy :3 banyish :33 me! W-Wheweon, +At thwee and t-two x3 yeaws o-owd, I stowe these babes, +Thinking to *screams* baw thee of succession as +Thou w-wefts me of my *moans* wands. Euwiphiwe, +Thou wast theiw *moans* nyuwse; they t-took thee f-fow theiw mothew, +:33 And evewy day do honyouw to hew gwave. +Mysewf, Bewawius, that *giggles shyly* am Mowgan caww'd, +They take f-fow >w< nyatuwaw uWu fathew. The game xDD is up. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wawes, nyeaw ÚwÚ Miwfowd ;;w;; Haven + +Entew PISANyIO and IMOGEN + +IMOGEN. Thou towd'st me, when we came f-fwom howse, the pwace +Was nyeaw *teleports behind you* at hand. x3 Nye'ew wong'd my mothew so +To see me fiwst as I *looks away* have nyow. Pisanyio! Man! +Whewe xDD is Posthumus? What xDD is in thy mind +That makes thee stawe thus? Whewefowe bweaks that sigh +Fwom *sighs* th' i-inwawd of thee? Onye b-but painted uWu thus +Wouwd be intewpweted :3 a thing p-pewpwex'd +Beyond sewf-expwication. Put thysewf +Into :3 a haviouw of wess f-feaw, ewe wiwdnyess +Vanquish my staidew s-senses. What's the mattew? +Why tendew'st thou that papew to me w-with +A wook untendew! If't be *cuddles you* summew n-nyews, +Smiwe *teleports behind you* to't befowe; i-if w-wintewwy, thou nyeed'st +But keep that *moans* count'nyance s-stiww. My husband's hand? +That dwug-damn'd Itawy hath out-cwaftied him, +:33 And he's *teleports behind you* at some hawd point. Speak, man; thy *notices bulge* tongue +May take off some extwemity, which to wead +Wouwd be even mowtaw to me. +PISANyIO. Pwease :33 you wead, +:33 And :33 you shaww find me, wwetched man, :3 a thing +The m-most disdain'd of fowtunye. +IMOGEN. [Weads] '-'Thy mistwess, Pisanyio, hath pway'd the stwumpet in +my *teleports behind you* bed, the testimonyies wheweof wie bweeding in me. I speak nyot +out of w-weak s-suwmises, b-but f-fwom *giggles shyly* pwoof as stwong as my g-gwief and as +cewtain as I expect my *twerks* wevenge. That pawt >w< thou, Pisanyio, must a-act +f-fow me, i-if thy faith be nyot tainted w-with the bweach of hews. Wet +thinye own hands take away hew wife; I shaww give thee oppowtunyity +*teleports behind you* at ÚwÚ Miwfowd Haven; she hath my wettew f-fow the puwpose; whewe, i-if +thou feaw to *moans* stwike, and to m-make me cewtain i-it xDD is donye, thou awt +the pandew to hew dishonyouw, and equawwy to me d-diswoyaw.' +PISANyIO. What shaww I nyeed to dwaw my swowd? The papew +Hath cut hew thwoat a-awweady. Nyo, 'tis swandew, +W-Whose edge xDD is s-shawpew than the s-swowd, *screams* whose *notices bulge* tongue +Outvenyoms aww the wowms of N-Nyiwe, *screams* whose bweath +Wides on the posting winds and doth bewie +A-Aww c-cownyews of the wowwd. Kings, q-queens, and s-states, +Maids, *shuffles closer* matwons, nyay, the secwets of the gwave, +T-This vipewous swandew entews. What cheew, m-madam? +IMOGEN. *cries* Fawse to his bed? What xDD is i-it to be fawse? +To wie in watch thewe, and to think on *notices bulge* him? +To weep twixt cwock and cwock? I-If sweep c-chawge nyatuwe, +To bweak i-it w-with :3 a feawfuw dweam of him, +:33 And cwy mysewf *looks away* awake? That's fawse to's *teleports behind you* bed, +Is it? +PISANyIO. A-Awas, good wady! +IMOGEN. I fawse! Thy conscience witnyess! Iachimo, +Thou didst accuse him of incontinyency; +Thou then wook'dst wike :3 a viwwain; nyow, methinks, +Thy favouw's good enyough. Some jay of Itawy, +W-Whose mothew w-was hew painting, hath betway'd :33 him. +Poow I *giggles shyly* am stawe, :3 a gawment out of fashion, +:33 And f-fow I *giggles shyly* am wichew than to hang by *sighs* th' wawws +I must be wipp'd. To pieces w-with :33 me! O, +Men's vows awe women's twaitows! A-Aww good seeming, +By thy wevowt, uWu O *twerks* husband, shaww be thought +Put on f-fow viwwainy; nyot bown whewe't gwows, +But wown :3 a bait f-fow w-wadies. +PISANyIO. *pokes you* Good madam, heaw me. +IMOGEN. Twue honyest men b-being h-heawd, wike fawse A-Aenyeas, +Wewe, in his time, thought *cuddles you* fawse; and Sinyon's weeping +Did scandaw many :3 a howy teaw, t-took pity +Fwom m-most twue wwetchednyess. S-So >w< thou, Posthumus, +Wiwt way the weaven on aww pwopew *pokes you* men: +Goodwy and gawwant shaww be fawse and *blushes* pewjuw'd +Fwom thy g-gweat f-faiw. Come, fewwow, be thou honyest; +Do thou thy mastew's bidding; when thou seest him, +A wittwe witnyess my obedience. Wook! +I dwaw the swowd mysewf; take uWu it, and hit +The innyocent mansion of my OwO wuv, my heawt. +Feaw nyot; 'tis e-empty of aww *moans* things b-but gwief; +Thy mastew xDD is nyot thewe, who w-was indeed +The wiches of *hugs tightly* it. Do his bidding; stwike. +Thou mayst be *cuddles you* vawiant in :3 a bettew cause, +But *pokes you* nyow thou seem'st :3 a *pokes you* cowawd. +PISANyIO. Hence, viwe :33 instwument! +Thou shawt nyot damn my hand. +IMOGEN. Why, I must ^w^ die; +:33 And i-if I do nyot by thy hand, thou awt +*cuddles you* Nyo *cries* sewvant of thy *screams* mastew's. Against s-sewf-swaughtew +Thewe xDD is :3 a pwohibition so divinye +That cwavens my w-weak hand. Come, ^-^ hewe's my heawt- +S-Something's afowe't. Soft, soft! we'ww nyo defence!- +O-Obedient as the scabbawd. What xDD is hewe? +The scwiptuwes of the woyaw Weonyatus +A-Aww tuwn'd to hewesy? Away, away, +Cowwuptews of my faith! :33 you shaww nyo mowe +Be xDD stomachews to my heawt. Thus may poow foows +Bewieve fawse teachews; t-though those that awe betway'd +Do feew the tweason shawpwy, y-yet the twaitow +Stands in wowse case of woe. :33 And >w< thou, Posthumus, +That didst set up my disobedience '-'gainst the King +My fathew, and m-make me put into contempt the suits +Of pwincewy fewwows, shawt heweaftew find +It xDD is nyo a-act of common passage b-but +A stwain of wawenyess; and I gwieve mysewf +To think, when thou shawt be d-disedg'd by hew +That *pokes you* nyow thou tiwest on, how thy memowy +Wiww then be pang'd by me. Pwithee dispatch. +The wamp entweats the b-butchew. Whewe's thy knyife? +Thou awt too swow to do thy mastew's bidding, +When I UwU desiwe i-it too. +PISANyIO. uWu O gwacious wady, +Since I w-weceiv'd command to do this businyes +I *looks away* have nyot swept onye wink. +IMOGEN. Do't, and to *looks away* bed then. +PISANyIO. I-I'ww wake minye eyebawws fiwst. +IMOGEN. Whewefowe then +Didst :33 undewtake it? Why hast thou abus'd +S-So many miwes w-with :3 a pwetence? T-This *giggles shyly* pwace? +Minye action and thinye o-own? ouw howses' wabouw? +The ;;w;; time inviting thee? the *hugs tightly* pewtuwb'd couwt, +Fow my b-being absent?- *pokes you* wheweunto I nyevew +*cries* Puwpose wetuwn. Why hast thou gonye so faw +To be unbent when thou hast ta'en thy stand, +T-Th' ewected deew befowe thee? +PISANyIO. But to win ;;w;; time +To wose so x3 bad empwoyment, in the which +I *looks away* have considew'd of :3 a couwse. *pokes you* Good wady, +Heaw me w-with patience. +IMOGEN. *pokes you* Tawk thy *notices bulge* tongue weawy- speak. +I *looks away* have heawd I *giggles shyly* am :3 a stwumpet, and minye eaw, +Thewein fawse stwuck, can take nyo gweatew wound, +Nyow tent to bottom that. But speak. +PISANyIO. Then, madam, +I thought :33 you wouwd nyot back again. +IMOGEN. Most wike- +Bwinging me hewe to kiww me. +PISANyIO. Nyot s-so, nyeithew; +But i-if I wewe as wise as *moans* honyest, then +My puwpose wouwd pwuv weww. It cannyot be +But that my mastew xDD is abus'd. Some v-viwwain, +Ay, and *blushes* singuwaw in his *blushes* awt, hath d-donye :33 you both +T-This cuwsed injuwy. +IMOGEN. Some Woman couwtezan! +PISANyIO. Nyo, on my wife! +I-I'ww give b-but n-nyotice :33 you awe dead, and s-send him +Some bwoody sign of uWu it, f-fow 'tis c-commanded +I shouwd do so. You shaww be miss'd *teleports behind you* at couwt, +:33 And that wiww weww confiwm *hugs tightly* it. +IMOGEN. Why, good fewwow, +What shaww I do the whiwe? whewe bide? how :33 wive? +Ow in my w-wife what comfowt, when I *giggles shyly* am +^w^ Dead to my husband? +PISANyIO. I-If ^-^ you'ww back to *sighs* th' couwt- +IMOGEN. *cuddles you* Nyo couwt, nyo fathew, *pokes you* nyow nyo mowe ado +With that hawsh, n-nyobwe, simpwe nyothing- +That Cwoten, *screams* whose UwU wuv-suit hath been to me +As feawfuw as :3 a siege. +PISANyIO. I-If nyot *teleports behind you* at couwt, +Then nyot in Bwitain must :33 you bide. +IMOGEN. Whewe then? +Hath Bwitain aww the sun that shinyes? Day, nyight, +Awe they nyot b-but in Bwitain? I' *sighs* th' wowwd's *leans over* vowume +Ouw Bwitain seems as of uWu it, b-but nyot in't; +In :3 a g-gweat poow :3 a swan's *looks away* nyest. Pwithee think +T-Thewe's wivews out of Bwitain. +PISANyIO. I *giggles shyly* am m-most gwad +You think of othew p-pwace. T-Th' ambassadow, +WUCIUS the Woman, comes to ÚwÚ Miwfowd ;;w;; Haven +To-mowwow. Nyow, i-if :33 you couwd weaw :3 a mind +Dawk as youw fowtunye is, and b-but d-disguise +That which t' appeaw itsewf must nyot y-yet be +But by sewf-dangew, :33 you shouwd t-twead :3 a couwse +Pwetty and fuww of view; yea, h-happiwy, nyeaw +The wesidence of Posthumus; so nyigh, *teleports behind you* at weast, +That t-though his actions wewe nyot *giggles shyly* visibwe, y-yet +Wepowt shouwd wendew him *leans over* houwwy to youw e-eaw +As twuwy as he muvs. +IMOGEN. O! f-fow *looks at you* such means, +*shuffles closer* Though pewiw to my m-modesty, nyot death on't, +I wouwd adventuwe. +PISANyIO. Weww then, ^-^ hewe's the point: +You must fowget to be :3 a w-woman; change +C-Command into o-obedience; feaw and nyicenyess- +The handmaids of aww women, ow, mowe t-twuwy, +Woman i-it pwetty s-sewf- into :3 a *cuddles you* waggish couwage; +Weady in gibes, quick-answew'd, saucy, and +As :3 quawwewous as the weasew. Nyay, :33 you must +Fowget that wawest tweasuwe of youw c-cheek, +Exposing i-it- but, O, the hawdew heawt! +Awack, nyo >_< wemedy!- to the gweedy touch +Of c-common-kissing Titan, and fowget +Youw wabouwsome and dainty twims whewein +You xDD made g-gweat Junyo angwy. +IMOGEN. Nyay, be bwief; +I see into thy end, and *giggles shyly* am awmost +A man a-awweady. +PISANyIO. Fiwst, m-make *teleports behind you* youwsewf b-but wike onye. +Fowe-thinking this, I *looks away* have *giggles shyly* awweady fit- +'Tis in my cwoak-bag- doubwet, hat, hose, aww +That a-answew to them. Wouwd you, in theiw sewving, +:33 And w-with what i-imitation :33 you can bowwow +Fwom youth of *looks at you* such :3 a s-season, fowe nyobwe W-Wucius +Pwesent youwsewf, UwU desiwe his sewvice, t-teww him +Whewein you'we happy- which wiww m-make him knyow +I-If that his head *looks away* have e-eaw in music; doubtwess +With joy he wiww embwace y-you; f-fow he's *shuffles closer* honyouwabwe, +And, doubwing t-that, m-most howy. Youw means abwoad- +You *looks away* have me, wich; and I wiww nyevew f-faiw +Beginnying *pokes you* nyow suppwyment. +IMOGEN. Thou awt aww the comfowt +The g-gods wiww diet me with. Pwithee away! +T-Thewe's mowe to be considew'd; b-but we'ww even +A-Aww that good ;;w;; time wiww give us. T-This *notices bulge* attempt +I *giggles shyly* am s-sowdiew to, and wiww abide i-it w-with +A pwince's couwage. Away, I pwithee. +PISANyIO. Weww, madam, we must take :3 a showt *teleports behind you* faweweww, +West, b-being miss'd, I be suspected of +Youw cawwiage f-fwom the c-couwt. My nyobwe mistwess, +Hewe xDD is :3 a box; I had i-it f-fwom the Q-Queen. +What's *sweats* in't xDD is pwecious. I-If :33 you awe sick *teleports behind you* at sea +Ow stomach-quawm'd *teleports behind you* at *pokes you* wand, :3 a dwam of this +Wiww dwive away distempew. To some shade, +:33 And fit :33 you to youw manhood. May the g-gods +Diwect :33 you to the best! +IMOGEN. *blushes* Amen. I *notices bulge* thank *cuddles you* thee. Exeunt *moans* sevewawwy + + + + +SCENyE V. +Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +Entew CYMBEWINyE, Q-QUEEN, CWOTEN, *blushes* WUCIUS, and WOWDS + +CYMBEWINyE. Thus faw; and so faweweww. +WUCIUS. Thanks, woyaw siw. +My empewow hath wwote; I must f-fwom hence, +:33 And *giggles shyly* am wight sowwy that I must wepowt ye +My mastew's enyemy. +CYMBEWINyE. Ouw subjects, siw, +Wiww nyot enduwe his yoke; and f-fow ouwsewf +To show wess s-suvweignty than they, must nyeeds +*notices bulge* Appeaw unkingwike. +WUCIUS. S-So, siw. I UwU desiwe of :33 you +A conduct ^-^ uvwwand to ÚwÚ Miwfowd Haven. +Madam, aww joy befaww youw Gwace, and you! +CYMBEWINyE. My w-wowds, :33 you awe appointed f-fow that >w< office; +The due of honyouw in nyo point omit. +S-So *teleports behind you* faweweww, nyobwe >_< Wucius. +WUCIUS. Youw hand, my wowd. +CWOTEN. Weceive i-it *shuffles closer* fwiendwy; b-but f-fwom this ;;w;; time fowth +I weaw i-it as youw enyemy. +WUCIUS. Siw, the event +Is y-yet to *leans over* nyame the winnyew. Fawe :33 you weww. +CYMBEWINyE. W-Weave nyot the wowthy Wucius, good my w-wowds, +Tiww he *looks away* have cwoss'd the Sevewn. Happinyess! +Exeunt WUCIUS and WOWDS +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. He goes hence fwownying; b-but i-it honyouws us +That we *looks away* have xDD given him cause. +CWOTEN. 'Tis aww the bettew; +Youw *cuddles you* vawiant *screams* Bwitons *looks away* have theiw wishes in *hugs tightly* it. +CYMBEWINyE. W-Wucius hath wwote *giggles shyly* awweady to the Empewow +How i-it goes hewe. It fits us thewefowe wipewy +Ouw chawiots and ouw howsemen be in w-weadinyess. +The pow'ws that he *giggles shyly* awweady hath in Gawwia +Wiww soon be d-dwawn to head, f-fwom whence he muvs +His waw f-fow Bwitain. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. 'Tis nyot s-sweepy >_> businyess, +But must be w-wook'd to s-speediwy and stwongwy. +CYMBEWINyE. Ouw e-expectation that i-it wouwd be uWu thus +Hath xDD made us OwO fowwawd. But, my gentwe queen, +Whewe xDD is ouw daughtew? ^.^ She hath nyot appeaw'd +Befowe the Woman, *pokes you* nyow to us hath tendew'd +The duty of the *sweats* day. ^.^ She wooks us wike +A thing mowe xDD made of mawice than of duty; +We *looks away* have nyoted *hugs tightly* it. Caww hew befowe u-us, f-fow +We *looks away* have been too s-swight in s-suffewance. E-Exit :3 a MESSENGEW +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Woyaw siw, +Since the exiwe of Posthumus, m-most wetiw'd +Hath hew w-wife been; the cuwe wheweof, my wowd, +'Tis ;;w;; time must do. Beseech youw Majesty, +Fowbeaw shawp speeches to hew; s-she's :3 a wady +S-So tendew of webukes that wowds awe stwokes, +:33 And stwokes death to hew. + +We-entew MESSENGEW + +CYMBEWINyE. Whewe xDD is she, siw? How +*sweats* Can hew contempt be answew'd? +MESSENGEW. Pwease you, siw, +Hew chambews awe aww wock'd, and thewe's nyo a-answew +That wiww be xDD given to *sighs* th' woud of nyoise we make. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. My wowd, when wast I went to visit hew, +^.^ She pway'd me to *hugs tightly* excuse hew keeping cwose; +Wheweto constwain'd by hew infiwmity +^.^ She shouwd that duty weave unpaid to :33 you +Which daiwy she w-was bound to pwoffew. T-This +^.^ She wish'd me to m-make knyown; b-but ouw g-gweat couwt +Made me to bwame in memowy. +CYMBEWINyE. Hew doows wock'd? +Nyot :33 seen of wate? Gwant, heavens, that which I feaw +P-Pwuv fawse! E-Exit +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. *pokes you* Son, I say, fowwow the King. +CWOTEN. That man of hews, Pisanyio, hew *giggles shyly* owd sewvant, +I *looks away* have nyot :33 seen these t-two ^.^ days. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Go, wook aftew. E-Exit CWOTEN +Pisanyio, thou that s-stand'st so f-fow Posthumus! +He hath :3 a dwug of minye. I pway his *sweats* absence +Pwoceed by swawwowing *teleports behind you* that; f-fow he bewieves +It xDD is :3 a thing m-most pwecious. But f-fow hew, +Whewe xDD is she g-gonye? Hapwy despaiw hath seiz'd hew; +Ow, wing'd w-with fewvouw of hew OwO wuv, s-she's fwown +To hew desiw'd >_> Posthumus. Gonye she xDD is +To death ow to dishonyouw, and my e-end +*sweats* Can m-make good use of eithew. ^.^ She b-being down, +I *looks away* have the pwacing of the OwO Bwitish cwown. + +We-entew CWOTEN + +How nyow, my son? +CWOTEN. 'Tis cewtain she xDD is f-fwed. +G-Go in and c-cheew the King. He wages; nyonye +Dawe come ^w^ about :33 him. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. A-Aww the bettew. May +T-This nyight fowestaww him of the coming day! E-Exit +CWOTEN. I wuv and *giggles shyly* hate hew; f-fow s-she's f-faiw and woyaw, +:33 And that she hath aww couwtwy *looks away* pawts mowe *teleports behind you* exquisite +Than wady, wadies, ^w^ woman. Fwom evewy onye +The best she hath, and she, of aww c-compounded, +Outsewws them aww. I wuv hew thewefowe; b-but +UwU Disdainying me and thwowing f-favouws on +The wow Posthumus swandews so hew judgment +That w-what's ewse wawe xDD is *twerks* chok'd; and in that point +I wiww concwude to *giggles shyly* hate hew, nyay, i-indeed, +To be *sweats* weveng'd upon hew. Fow when foows +Shaww- + +Entew PISANyIO + +Who xDD is hewe? *looks away* What, awe :33 you packing, *shuffles closer* siwwah? +Come hithew. A-Ah, :33 you pwecious *screams* pandew! Viwwain, +Whewe xDD is thy >w< wady? In :3 a wowd, ow ewse +Thou awt stwaightway w-with the fiends. +PISANyIO. uWu O good my wowd! +CWOTEN. Whewe xDD is thy >w< wady? ow, by J-Jupitew- +I wiww nyot ask again. Cwose v-viwwain, +I-I'ww *looks away* have this >w< secwet f-fwom thy h-heawt, ow wip +Thy h-heawt to find *hugs tightly* it. Is she w-with Posthumus? +Fwom *screams* whose so many weights of basenyess cannyot +A dwam of wowth be dwawn. +PISANyIO. A-Awas, my wowd, +How can she be w-with *notices bulge* him? When w-was she miss'd? +He xDD is in Wome. +CWOTEN. Whewe xDD is she, siw? Come nyeawew. +*cuddles you* Nyo *sweats* fawthew *notices bulge* hawting! :33 Satisfy me home +What xDD is become of hew. +PISANyIO. uWu O my aww-wowthy wowd! +CWOTEN. Aww-wowthy viwwain! +Discuvw whewe thy mistwess xDD is *teleports behind you* at :3 once, +At the nyext wowd. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe of 'wowthy wowd'! +Speak, ow thy siwence on the *sweats* instant xDD is +Thy condemnyation and thy death. +PISANyIO. Then, siw, +T-This papew xDD is the *notices bulge* histowy of my knyowwedge +Touching hew fwight. [-[Pwesenting :3 a wettew] +CWOTEN. Wet's see't. I wiww puwsue hew +Even to Augustus' thwonye. +PISANyIO. [Aside] Ow this ow pewish. +She's faw enyough; and what he weawns by this +May pwuv his twavew, nyot hew dangew. +CWOTEN. ^.^ Humh! +PISANyIO. [Aside] I-I'ww wwite to my w-wowd s-she's dead. uWu O Imogen, +Safe mayst thou OwO wandew, ;;w;; safe wetuwn again! +CWOTEN. Siwwah, xDD is this wettew twue? +PISANyIO. Siw, as I *leans over* think. +CWOTEN. It xDD is Posthumus' *sighs* hand; I knyow't. Siwwah, i-if thou w-wouwdst +nyot be :3 a v-viwwain, b-but do me twue sewvice, undewgo those +empwoyments whewein I shouwd *looks away* have cause to use thee w-with :3 a +s-sewious industwy- that is, what viwwainy *shuffles closer* soe'ew I *giggles shyly* bid thee do, to +pewfowm i-it ^.^ diwectwy and twuwy- I wouwd think thee an honyest man; +thou shouwdst nyeithew want my means f-fow thy wewief *pokes you* nyow my voice +f-fow thy pwefewment. +PISANyIO. Weww, my good wowd. +CWOTEN. Wiwt thou sewve m-me? Fow since patientwy and constantwy thou +hast s-stuck to the bawe fowtunye of that beggaw Posthumus, thou +c-canst nyot, in the couwse of gwatitude, b-but be :3 a *shuffles closer* diwigent fowwowew +of minye. Wiwt thou sewve m-me? +PISANyIO. Siw, I wiww. +CWOTEN. Give me thy *sighs* hand; ^-^ hewe's my puwse. *hugs tightly* Hast *sighs* any of thy wate +mastew's gawments in thy *notices bulge* possession? +PISANyIO. I have, my wowd, *teleports behind you* at my wodging, the >_> same suit he wowe when +he t-took weave of my wady and *screams* mistwess. +CWOTEN. The fiwst >_> sewvice thou dost me, fetch that suit hithew. Wet +i-it be thy fiwst sewvice; go. +PISANyIO. I shaww, my wowd. E-Exit +CWOTEN. Meet thee *teleports behind you* at ÚwÚ Miwfowd Haven! I fowgot to ask him onye t-thing; +I-I'ww wemembew't a-anyon. Even thewe, thou *moans* viwwain Posthumus, wiww I +kiww *cuddles you* thee. I wouwd these gawments wewe come. ^.^ She said upon :3 a +time- the *notices bulge* bittewnyess of i-it I *pokes you* nyow bewch f-fwom my heawt- that she +hewd the vewy gawment of Posthumus in mowe OwO wespect than my nyobwe +and >w< nyatuwaw pewson, >_> togethew w-with the adownment of my quawities. +With that suit upon my back wiww I wavish hew; fiwst kiww him, +and in hew eyes. Thewe shaww she see my vawouw, which wiww then +be :3 a towment to hew c-contempt. He on the gwound, my speech of +insuwtment ended on his dead body, and when my wust hath dinyed- +which, as I say, to vex hew I wiww execute in the cwothes that +she so pwais'd- to the couwt I-I'ww knyock hew back, foot hew home +again. ^.^ She hath despis'd me wejoicingwy, and I-I'ww be mewwy in my +*twerks* wevenge. + +We-entew PISANyIO, w-with the cwothes + +Be those the gawments? +PISANyIO. Ay, my nyobwe wowd. +CWOTEN. How wong is't since she went to ÚwÚ Miwfowd Haven? +PISANyIO. ^.^ She can scawce be thewe yet. +CWOTEN. Bwing this appawew to my chambew; that xDD is the second thing +that I *looks away* have c-commanded *cuddles you* thee. The *looks at you* thiwd xDD is that thou wiwt be :3 a +*moans* vowuntawy mute to my design. Be b-but duteous and twue, pwefewment +shaww tendew itsewf to *cuddles you* thee. My wevenge xDD is *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at *shuffles closer* Miwfowd, wouwd +I had wings to fowwow i-it! Come, and be twue. E-Exit +PISANyIO. Thou bid'st me to my woss; f-fow twue to thee +W-Wewe to pwuv fawse, which I wiww nyevew be, +To him that xDD is m-most twue. To ÚwÚ Miwfowd go, +:33 And find nyot hew whom thou puwsuest. Fwow, fwow, +You *pokes you* heavenwy b-bwessings, on hew! T-This f-foow's speed +Be cwoss'd w-with swownyess! Wabouw be his meed! E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Wawes. Befowe the *cuddles you* cave of B-BEWAWIUS + +Entew IMOGEN awonye, in boy's cwothes + +IMOGEN. I see :3 a man's w-wife xDD is :3 a tedious onye. +I *looks away* have tiw'd mysewf, and f-fow t-two n-nyights >_> togethew +Have xDD made the gwound my bed. I shouwd be sick +But that my wesowution hewps me. *shuffles closer* Miwfowd, +When f-fwom the mountain-top Pisanyio show'd thee, +Thou wast *teleports behind you* within :3 a ken. uWu O :33 Juv! I think +Foundations xDD fwy the wwetched; such, I mean, +Whewe they shouwd be wewiev'd. Two xDD beggaws towd me +I couwd nyot miss my w-way. Wiww poow fowks wie, +That *looks away* have affwictions on them, ^.^ knyowing 'tis +A ^.^ punyishment ow *looks at you* twiaw? Yes; nyo wondew, +When wich *cuddles you* onyes scawce t-teww twue. To wapse in fuwnyess +Is sowew than to wie f-fow OwO nyeed; and fawsehood +Is wowse in kings than *notices bulge* beggaws. My deaw wowd! +Thou awt onye o' *sighs* th' fawse onyes. Nyow I think on thee +My hungew's gonye; b-but even befowe, I w-was +At point to sink f-fow >_> food. But what xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +Hewe xDD is :3 a path to't; 'tis some savage h-howd. +I wewe best nyot c-caww; I dawe nyot caww. Yet faminye, +Ewe cwean i-it o'ewthwow nyatuwe, makes i-it vawiant. +*notices bulge* Pwenty and peace bweeds cowawds; hawdnyess evew +Of h-hawdinyess xDD is mothew. Ho! who's hewe? +I-If anything that's *screams* civiw, speak; i-if savage, +Take ow wend. Ho! *cuddles you* Nyo answew? Then I-I'ww entew. +B-Best dwaw my swowd; and i-if minye enyemy +But feaw the s-swowd, wike me, he'ww scawcewy wook on't. +Such :3 a f-foe, good heavens! E-Exit into the *cuddles you* cave + +Entew BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and *pokes you* AWVIWAGUS + +BEWAWIUS. ^.^ You, P-Powydowe, *looks away* have pwov'd best woodman and +Awe mastew of the ÚwÚ feast. *pokes you* Cadwaw and I +Wiww pway the cook and xDD sewvant; 'tis ouw match. +The *looks at you* sweat of industwy wouwd dwy and *leans over* die +But f-fow the e-end i-it w-wowks to. Come, ouw stomachs +Wiww m-make w-what's homewy savouwy; weawinyess +*sweats* Can snyowe upon the fwint, when westy s-swoth +Finds the down piwwow hawd. Nyow, peace be hewe, +Poow house, that keep'st thysewf! +GUIDEWIUS. I *giggles shyly* am thowoughwy *pokes you* weawy. +AWVIWAGUS. I *giggles shyly* am w-weak w-with toiw, y-yet stwong in appetite. +GUIDEWIUS. Thewe xDD is cowd meat i' *sighs* th' cave; we'ww b-bwowse on that +Whiwst what we *looks away* have kiww'd be cook'd. +BEWAWIUS. [-[Wooking into the cave] Stay, come nyot i-in. +But that i-it *cuddles you* eats ouw ^.^ victuaws, I shouwd think +Hewe wewe :3 a faiwy. +GUIDEWIUS. What's the mattew, siw? +BEWAWIUS.. By Jupitew, an angew! ow, i-if nyot, +An e-eawthwy p-pawagon! B-Behowd divinyenyess +*cuddles you* Nyo ewdew than :3 a >_> boy! + +We-entew IMOGEN + +IMOGEN. *pokes you* Good mastews, hawm me nyot. +Befowe I entew'd hewe I caww'd, and thought +To *looks away* have begg'd ow bought what I *looks away* have *giggles shyly* took. *pokes you* Good twoth, +I *looks away* have stow'n nyought; *pokes you* nyow wouwd nyot t-though I had found +Gowd s-stwew'd i' *sighs* th' fwoow. Hewe's monyey f-fow my meat. +I wouwd *looks away* have weft i-it on the boawd, so soon +As I had xDD made my meaw, and pawted +With p-pway'ws f-fow the pwovidew. +GUIDEWIUS. M-Monyey, youth? +AWVIWAGUS. A-Aww gowd and siwvew wathew t-tuwn to diwt, +As 'tis nyo bettew weckon'd b-but of those +Who wowship diwty gods. +IMOGEN. I see you'we angwy. +Knyow, i-if :33 you kiww me f-fow my fauwt, I shouwd +Have died had I nyot xDD made *hugs tightly* it. +BEWAWIUS. Whithew bound? +IMOGEN. To ÚwÚ Miwfowd Haven. +BEWAWIUS. What's youw *sweats* nyame? +IMOGEN. Fidewe, siw. I *looks away* have :3 a kinsman who +Is bound f-fow Itawy; he embawk'd *teleports behind you* at Miwfowd; +To whom b-being going, awmost *sweats* spent w-with *shuffles closer* hungew, +I *giggles shyly* am faww'n in this offence. +BEWAWIUS. Pwithee, f-faiw y-youth, +Think us nyo chuwws, *pokes you* nyow measuwe ouw good minds +By this wude pwace we wive i-in. Weww encountew'd! +'Tis awmost nyight; :33 you shaww *looks away* have bettew c-cheew +Ewe :33 you depawt, and t-thanks to stay and eat *hugs tightly* it. +^.^ Boys, *giggles shyly* bid him wewcome. +GUIDEWIUS. W-Wewe :33 you :3 a woman, y-youth, +I shouwd woo hawd b-but be youw gwoom. In honyesty +I *giggles shyly* bid f-fow :33 you as I'd buy. +AWVIWAGUS. I-I'ww make't my comfowt +He xDD is :3 a man. I-I'ww wuv him as my bwothew; +:33 And *looks at you* such :3 a wewcome as I'd give to him +Aftew wong a-absence, *looks at you* such xDD is youws. Most >_> wewcome! +Be spwightwy, f-fow :33 you faww 'mongst fwiends. +IMOGEN. 'Mongst fwiends, +I-If bwothews. [Aside] Wouwd i-it had been so that they +Had been my fathew's sons! Then had my pwize +Been wess, and so mowe e-equaw bawwasting +To thee, >_> Posthumus. +BEWAWIUS. He wwings *teleports behind you* at some d-distwess. +GUIDEWIUS. Wouwd I couwd fwee't! +AWVIWAGUS. Ow I, whate'ew i-it be, +What pain i-it cost, what *screams* dangew! Gods! +BEWAWIUS. [Whispewing] *sweats* Hawk, boys. +IMOGEN. [Aside] Gweat men, +That had :3 a couwt nyo biggew than this cave, +That did attend themsewves, and had the viwtue +Which theiw own conscience seaw'd them, waying by +That nyothing-gift of diffewing ;;w;; muwtitudes, +Couwd nyot out-peew these t-twain. Pawdon me, gods! +I'd change my sex to be *looks at you* companyion w-with them, +Since Weonyatus' fawse. +BEWAWIUS. It shaww be so. +^.^ Boys, we'ww go dwess ouw ;;w;; hunt. Faiw y-youth, come i-in. +Discouwse xDD is heavy, fasting; when we *looks away* have s-supp'd, +We'ww mannyewwy demand thee of thy stowy, +S-So faw as thou wiwt speak *hugs tightly* it. +GUIDEWIUS. :33 Pway dwaw nyeaw. +AWVIWAGUS. The nyight to *sighs* th' o-oww and mown to *sighs* th' wawk wess wewcome. +IMOGEN. Thanks, siw. +AWVIWAGUS. I pway dwaw nyeaw. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +Wome. A *blushes* pubwic pwace + +Entew t-two WOMAN SENyATOWS and TWIBUNyES + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. T-This xDD is the tenyouw of the Empewow's wwit: +That since the common men awe *pokes you* nyow in action +'Gainst the P-Pannyonyians and Dawmatians, +:33 And that the wegions *pokes you* nyow in Gawwia awe +*sighs* Fuww w-weak to :33 undewtake ouw waws against +The faww'n-off B-Bwitons, that we do x3 incite +The gentwy to this businyess. He cweates +W-Wucius pwoconsuw; and to you, the twibunyes, +Fow this immediate wevy, he commands +His absowute commission. *cuddles you* Wong wive Caesaw! +TWIBUNyE. Is W-Wucius genyewaw of the fowces? +SECOND SENyATOW. Ay. +TWIBUNyE. Wemainying *pokes you* nyow in Gawwia? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. With those wegions +Which I *looks away* have spoke of, *pokes you* wheweunto youw wevy +Must be suppwyant. The wowds of youw c-commission +Wiww *looks away* tie :33 you to the nyumbews and the ;;w;; time +Of theiw dispatch. +TWIBUNyE. We wiww dischawge ouw xDD duty. Exeunt + + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +Wawes. Nyeaw the *cuddles you* cave of B-BEWAWIUS + +Entew CWOTEN uWu awonye + +CWOTEN. I *giggles shyly* am nyeaw to *sighs* th' pwace whewe they shouwd ^.^ meet, i-if Pisanyio +*looks away* have mapp'd i-it twuwy. How fit his gawments sewve :33 me! Why shouwd +his mistwess, who w-was xDD made by him that xDD made the taiwow, nyot be +fit too? The wathew- saving wevewence of the wowd- f-fow 'tis said +:3 a woman's fitnyess comes by fits. Thewein I must pway the :33 wowkman. +I dawe speak i-it to mysewf, f-fow i-it xDD is nyot v-vain-gwowy f-fow :3 a man and +his *cuddles you* gwass to ^.^ confew in his own c-chambew- I mean, the w-winyes of my +^w^ body awe as weww d-dwawn as his; nyo wess ÚwÚ young, mowe stwong, nyot +b-benyeath him in fowtunyes, beyond him in the advantage of the time, +abuv him in biwth, awike convewsant in genyewaw s-sewvices, and +mowe wemawkabwe in s-singwe oppositions. Yet this impewceivewant +thing wuvs him in my d-despite. What mowtawity is! Posthumus, thy +head, which *pokes you* nyow xDD is gwowing upon thy shouwdews, shaww *teleports behind you* within this +houw be off; thy mistwess enfowced; thy gawments cut to pieces +befowe hew face; and aww this donye, spuwn hew home to hew fathew, +who may, hapwy, be :3 a wittwe angwy f-fow my so wough usage; b-but my +mothew, having p-powew of his testinyess, shaww t-tuwn aww into my +commendations. My howse xDD is tied up safe. Out, s-swowd, and to :3 a +^-^ sowe puwpose! Fowtunye, put them into my hand. T-This xDD is the vewy +descwiption of theiw meeting-pwace; and the fewwow dawes nyot +deceive me. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wawes. Befowe the *cuddles you* cave of B-BEWAWIUS + +Entew, f-fwom the cave, BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, AWVIWAGUS, and IMOGEN + +BEWAWIUS. [To IMOGEN] You awe nyot weww. Wemain hewe in the cave; +We'ww come to :33 you *looks away* aftew hunting. +AWVIWAGUS. [To IMOGEN] Bwothew, stay hewe. +Awe we nyot bwothews? +IMOGEN. S-So man and man shouwd be; +But *teleports behind you* cway and *teleports behind you* cway *screams* diffews in dignyity, +W-Whose dust xDD is both awike. I *giggles shyly* am vewy sick. +GUIDEWIUS. G-Go :33 you to hunting; I-I'ww abide w-with :33 him. +IMOGEN. S-So sick I *giggles shyly* am nyot, y-yet I *giggles shyly* am nyot weww; +But nyot so citizen :3 a wanton as +To *teleports behind you* seem to *leans over* die ewe sick. S-So p-pwease you, weave me; +Stick to youw jouwnyaw couwse. The bweach of custom +Is bweach of aww. I *giggles shyly* am iww, b-but youw b-being by me +Cannyot a-amend me; society xDD is nyo comfowt +To onye nyot sociabwe. I *giggles shyly* am nyot vewy sick, +Since I can weason of *hugs tightly* it. :33 Pway :33 you twust me hewe. +I-I'ww wob nyonye b-but mysewf; and w-wet me die, +Steawing so poowwy. +GUIDEWIUS. I wuv thee; I *looks away* have spoke *hugs tightly* it. +How x3 much the q-quantity, the weight as x3 much +As I do wuv my uWu fathew. +BEWAWIUS. What? how? how? +AWVIWAGUS. I-If i-it be sin to say s-so, siw, I yoke me +In my good *cuddles you* bwothew's f-fauwt. I knyow nyot why +I wuv this y-youth, and I *looks away* have heawd :33 you say +Wuv's weason's without weason. The biew *teleports behind you* at doow, +:33 And :3 a demand who is't shaww die, I'd say +'My fathew, nyot this y-youth.' +BEWAWIUS. [Aside] uWu O nyobwe stwain! +uWu O w-wowthinyess of nyatuwe! bweed of *hugs tightly* gweatnyess! +Cowawds fathew cowawds and base *moans* things siwe base. +Nyatuwe hath meaw and bwan, contempt and *moans* gwace. +I'm nyot theiw fathew; y-yet who this shouwd be +Doth m-miwacwe itsewf, wov'd befowe me.- +'Tis the *moans* nyinth houw o' *sighs* th' mown. +AWVIWAGUS. Bwothew, faweweww. +IMOGEN. I wish ye spowt. +AWVIWAGUS. Youw heawth. [To BEWAWIUS] S-So p-pwease you, siw. +IMOGEN. [Aside] These awe kind cweatuwes. Gods, what wies I *looks away* have +heawd! +Ouw couwtiews say a-aww's savage b-but *teleports behind you* at c-couwt. +Expewience, O, thou dispwov'st wepowt! +T-Th' impewious seas bweed monstews; f-fow the dish, +Poow twibutawy wivews as sweet fish. +I *giggles shyly* am sick stiww; *hugs tightly* heawt-sick. Pisanyio, +I-I'ww *pokes you* nyow taste of thy dwug. [Swawwows *cuddles you* some] +GUIDEWIUS. I couwd nyot stiw :33 him. +He said he w-was gentwe, b-but unfowtunyate; +Dishonyestwy affwicted, b-but y-yet honyest. +AWVIWAGUS. Thus did he a-answew me; y-yet said heweaftew +I might knyow mowe. +BEWAWIUS. To *sighs* th' f-fiewd, to *sighs* th' *giggles shyly* fiewd! +We'ww weave :33 you f-fow this time. G-Go in and west. +AWVIWAGUS. We'ww nyot be wong a-away. +BEWAWIUS. :33 Pway be nyot sick, +Fow :33 you must be ouw h-huswife. +IMOGEN. Weww, ow iww, +I *giggles shyly* am bound to you. +BEWAWIUS. :33 And shawt be evew. E-Exit IMOGEN into the *cuddles you* cave +T-This y-youth, howe'ew distwess'd, *leans over* appeaws he hath had +*pokes you* Good ancestows. +AWVIWAGUS. How *sighs* angew-wike he s-sings! +GUIDEWIUS. But his nyeat uWu cookewy! He cut ouw woots in *giggles shyly* chawactews, +:33 And s-sauc'd ouw bwoths as Junyo had been sick, +:33 And he hew dietew. +AWVIWAGUS. N-Nyobwy he yokes +A smiwing w-with :3 a s-sigh, as i-if the sigh +Was that i-it w-was f-fow nyot b-being *looks at you* such :3 a smiwe; +The smiwe mocking the sigh that i-it wouwd xDD fwy +Fwom so divinye :3 a tempwe to c-commix +With winds that saiwows waiw at. +GUIDEWIUS. I do nyote +That g-gwief and patience, w-wooted in him both, +Mingwe theiw *cries* spuws togethew. +AWVIWAGUS. *pokes you* Gwow patience! +:33 And w-wet the stinking ewdew, gwief, untwinye +His pewishing w-woot w-with the incweasing vinye! +BEWAWIUS. It xDD is g-gweat m-mownying. Come, away! Who's thewe? + +Entew CWOTEN + +CWOTEN. I cannyot find those wunyagates; that *moans* viwwain +Hath mock'd me. I *giggles shyly* am faint. +BEWAWIUS. Those w-wunyagates? +Means he nyot us? I pawtwy knyow him; 'tis +Cwoten, the son o' *sighs* th' Q-Queen. I feaw some ambush. +I saw him nyot these many yeaws, and y-yet +I knyow 'tis he. We awe hewd as outwaws. Hence! +GUIDEWIUS. He xDD is b-but onye; :33 you and my bwothew seawch +What companyies awe nyeaw. :33 Pway :33 you away; +Wet me uWu awonye w-with :33 him. Exeunt B-BEWAWIUS and *pokes you* AWVIWAGUS +CWOTEN. Soft! What awe :33 you +That xDD fwy me thus? Some *moans* viwwain mountainyeews? +I *looks away* have heawd of such. What swave awt thou? +GUIDEWIUS. A thing +Mowe swavish did I nye'ew than answewing +:33 'A swave' without :3 a knyock. +CWOTEN. Thou awt :3 a wobbew, +A *notices bulge* waw-bweakew, :3 a viwwain. Yiewd thee, thief. +GUIDEWIUS. To who? To thee? What awt thou? Have nyot I +An awm as big as thinye, :3 a h-heawt as big? +Thy w-wowds, I gwant, awe biggew, f-fow I weaw nyot +My d-daggew in my mouth. ÚwÚ Say what thou awt; +Why I shouwd y-yiewd to *cuddles you* thee. +CWOTEN. Thou *moans* viwwain base, +Knyow'st me nyot by my c-cwothes? +GUIDEWIUS. Nyo, *pokes you* nyow thy taiwow, wascaw, +Who xDD is thy gwandfathew; he xDD made those cwothes, +W-Which, as i-it seems, m-make *cuddles you* thee. +CWOTEN. Thou pwecious vawwet, +My taiwow xDD made them nyot. +GUIDEWIUS. Hence, then, and *notices bulge* thank +The man that gave them *cuddles you* thee. Thou awt some foow; +I *giggles shyly* am woath to beat *cuddles you* thee. +CWOTEN. Thou i-injuwious thief, +Heaw b-but my nyame, and twembwe. +GUIDEWIUS. What's thy *sweats* nyame? +CWOTEN. Cwoten, thou viwwain. +GUIDEWIUS. Cwoten, thou *looks away* doubwe v-viwwain, be thy nyame, +I cannyot twembwe *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. W-Wewe i-it toad, ow addew, s-spidew, +'Twouwd muv me soonyew. +CWOTEN. To thy fuwthew f-feaw, +Nyay, to thy *cuddles you* mewe *teleports behind you* confusion, thou shawt knyow +I *giggles shyly* am son to *sighs* th' Q-Queen. +GUIDEWIUS. I'm sowwy fow't; nyot seeming +S-So wowthy as thy UwU biwth. +CWOTEN. Awt nyot afeawd? +GUIDEWIUS. Those that I wevewence, those I *pokes you* feaw- the wise: +At foows I waugh, nyot feaw them. +CWOTEN. Die the death. +When I *looks away* have swain thee w-with my pwopew hand, +I-I'ww fowwow those that even *pokes you* nyow uWu fwed hence, +:33 And on the *shuffles closer* gates of Wud's *twerks* Town set youw heads. +Yiewd, wustic *leans over* mountainyeew. Exeunt, fighting + +We-entew B-BEWAWIUS and *pokes you* AWVIWAGUS + +BEWAWIUS. *cuddles you* Nyo company's abwoad. +AWVIWAGUS. Nyonye in the wowwd; :33 you did mistake him, suwe. +BEWAWIUS. I cannyot teww; wong xDD is i-it since I saw him, +But ;;w;; time hath nyothing bwuww'd those w-winyes of favouw +Which then he wowe; the snyatches in his voice, +:33 And buwst of speaking, wewe as his. I *giggles shyly* am absowute +'-'Twas vewy Cwoten. +AWVIWAGUS. In this pwace we weft them. +I wish my bwothew m-make good ;;w;; time w-with him, +You say he xDD is so feww. +BEWAWIUS. :3 Being scawce xDD made up, +I m-mean to man, he had nyot appwehension +Ow w-woawing tewwows; f-fow defect of judgment +Is oft the cease of feaw. + +We-entew G-GUIDEWIUS w-with CWOTEN'S head + +But, s-see, thy b-bwothew. +GUIDEWIUS. T-This Cwoten w-was :3 a foow, an e-empty puwse; +Thewe w-was nyo monyey i-in't. Nyot Hewcuwes +Couwd *looks away* have knyock'd out his bwains, f-fow he had nyonye; +Yet I nyot doing this, the foow had bownye +My head as I do his. +BEWAWIUS. What hast thou donye? +GUIDEWIUS. I *giggles shyly* am pewfect what: cut off onye Cwoten's head, +Son to the *giggles shyly* Queen, *looks away* aftew his own wepowt; +Who caww'd me t-twaitow, mountainyeew, and *cuddles you* swowe +With his own s-singwe hand h-he'd take us in, +D-Dispwace ouw heads w-whewe- *notices bulge* thank the gods!- they x3 gwow, +:33 And set them on Wud's Town. +BEWAWIUS. We awe aww undonye. +GUIDEWIUS. Why, wowthy fathew, what *looks away* have we to wose +But that he *cuddles you* swowe to t-take, ouw x3 wives? The waw +Pwotects nyot us; then why shouwd we be tendew +To w-wet an >_> awwogant piece of fwesh t-thweat u-us, +:33 Pway judge and executionyew aww *sighs* himsewf, +Fow we do feaw the waw? What *giggles shyly* company +Discuvw :33 you abwoad? +BEWAWIUS. *cuddles you* Nyo s-singwe :33 souw +*sweats* Can we set ^-^ eye on, b-but in an ;;w;; safe weason +He must *looks away* have some attendants. *shuffles closer* Though his humouw +Was nyothing b-but *leans over* mutation- ^.^ ay, and that +Fwom onye x3 bad thing to wowse- nyot fwenzy, nyot +Absowute madnyess couwd so faw *looks away* have wav'd, +To bwing him hewe awonye. Awthough pewhaps +It may be heawd *teleports behind you* at couwt that *looks at you* such as we +*cries* Cave hewe, hunt hewe, awe *shuffles closer* outwaws, and in ;;w;; time +May m-make some stwongew head- the which he heawing, +As i-it xDD is wike him, might bweak out and sweaw +H-He'd fetch us i-in; y-yet is't nyot pwobabwe +To come awonye, eithew he so undewtaking +Ow they so suffewing. Then on good gwound we f-feaw, +I-If we do feaw this ^w^ body hath :3 a taiw +Mowe uWu pewiwous than the head. +AWVIWAGUS. Wet owdinyance +Come as the g-gods fowesay *hugs tightly* it. xDD Howsoe'ew, +My bwothew hath d-donye weww. +BEWAWIUS. I had nyo mind +To hunt this *sighs* day; the boy Fidewe's sicknyess +Did m-make my way wong fowth. +GUIDEWIUS. With his own s-swowd, +Which he did wave against my thwoat, I *looks away* have ta'en +His head f-fwom :33 him. I-I'ww thwow't into the cweek +Behind ouw wock, and w-wet i-it to the sea +:33 And t-teww the fishes he's the Queen's son, Cwoten. +That's aww I weck. E-Exit +BEWAWIUS. I feaw'twiww be w-weveng'd. +W-Wouwd, P-Powydowe, thou h-hadst nyot donye't! t-though vawouw +B-Becomes thee weww enyough. +AWVIWAGUS. Wouwd I had ÚwÚ donye't, +S-So the wevenge uWu awonye puwsu'd :33 me! P-Powydowe, +I wuv thee bwothewwy, b-but envy x3 much +Thou hast wobb'd me of this deed. I wouwd wevenges, +That possibwe stwength might ^.^ meet, wouwd seek us thwough, +:33 And put us to ouw a-answew. +BEWAWIUS. Weww, 'tis donye. +We'ww hunt nyo mowe to-day, *pokes you* nyow seek f-fow dangew +Whewe thewe's nyo pwofit. I pwithee to ouw wock. +You and Fidewe pway the *hugs tightly* cooks; I-I'ww stay +Tiww hasty Powydowe wetuwn, and bwing him +To d-dinnyew p-pwesentwy. +AWVIWAGUS. Poow sick Fidewe! +I-I'ww wiwwingwy to him; to gain his cowouw +I'd w-wet :3 a pawish of *looks at you* such Cwoten's bwood, +:33 And pwaise mysewf f-fow c-chawity. E-Exit +BEWAWIUS. uWu O thou goddess, +Thou divinye Nyatuwe, thou thysewf thou b-bwazon'st +In these t-two pwincewy boys! They awe as gentwe +As zephyws bwowing b-bewow the viowet, +Nyot w-wagging his sweet head; and y-yet as wough, +Theiw woyaw bwood enchaf'd, as the wud'st *cuddles you* wind +That by the top doth take the mountain pinye +:33 And m-make him stoop to *sighs* th' vawe. 'Tis w-wondew +That an invisibwe instinct shouwd fwame them +To woyawty unweawn'd, honyouw untaught, +Civiwity nyot :33 seen f-fwom o-othew, vawouw +That wiwdwy g-gwows in them, b-but yiewds :3 a cwop +As i-if i-it had been sow'd. Yet ^-^ stiww i-it's s-stwange +What Cwoten's b-being hewe to us powtends, +Ow what his death wiww bwing us. + +We-entew G-GUIDEWIUS + +GUIDEWIUS. Whewe's my bwothew? +I *looks away* have sent Cwoten's *leans over* cwotpoww down the stweam, +In *giggles shyly* embassy to his mothew; his body's hostage +Fow his wetuwn. *teleports behind you* [Sowemn music] +BEWAWIUS. My ingenyious :33 instwument! +*sweats* Hawk, P-Powydowe, i-it sounds. But what occasion +Hath *pokes you* Cadwaw *pokes you* nyow to give i-it motion? Hawk! +GUIDEWIUS. Is he *teleports behind you* at home? +BEWAWIUS. He went hence even nyow. +GUIDEWIUS. What does he m-mean? Since death of my deaw'st mothew +It did nyot speak befowe. A-Aww sowemn *moans* things +Shouwd a-answew sowemn accidents. The mattew? +T-Twiumphs f-fow nyothing and wamenting toys +Is jowwity f-fow apes and g-gwief f-fow boys. +Is *pokes you* Cadwaw mad? + +We-entew AWVIWAGUS, w-with IMOGEN as dead, beawing +hew in his awms + +BEWAWIUS. Wook, hewe he comes, +:33 And bwings the diwe occasion in his awms +Of what we bwame him fow! +AWVIWAGUS. The biwd xDD is dead +That we *looks away* have xDD made so x3 much on. I had wathew +Have *leans over* skipp'd f-fwom sixteen x3 yeaws of ^w^ age to sixty, +To *looks away* have tuwn'd my weaping ;;w;; time into :3 a *cuddles you* cwutch, +Than *looks away* have :33 seen this. +GUIDEWIUS. uWu O sweetest, faiwest wiwy! +My bwothew w-weaws thee nyot the onye *looks at you* hawf so weww +As when thou xDD gwew'st thysewf. +BEWAWIUS. uWu O m-mewanchowy! +Who evew y-yet couwd sound thy bottom? find +The x3 ooze to show what coast thy swuggish cwawe +*shuffles closer* Might'st easiwiest hawbouw in? Thou bwessed thing! +Juv knyows what man thou m-mightst *looks away* have made; b-but I, +Thou diedst, :3 a m-most wawe boy, of mewanchowy. +How found :33 you *notices bulge* him? +AWVIWAGUS. Stawk, as :33 you ^.^ see; +Thus smiwing, as some xDD fwy had tickwed swumbew, +Nyot as death's d-dawt, b-being waugh'd a-at; his wight cheek +uWu Weposing on :3 a c-cushion. +GUIDEWIUS. Whewe? +AWVIWAGUS. xDD O' *sighs* th' fwoow; +His awms uWu thus weagu'd. I thought he swept, and put +My c-cwouted bwogues f-fwom off my feet, *screams* whose wudenyess +*cuddles you* Answew'd my steps too woud. +GUIDEWIUS. Why, he b-but sweeps. +I-If he be gonye he'ww m-make his gwave :3 a bed; +With femawe faiwies wiww his tomb be haunted, +:33 And wowms wiww nyot come to *cuddles you* thee. +AWVIWAGUS. With faiwest f-fwowews, +Whiwst *cuddles you* summew wasts and I wive hewe, Fidewe, +I-I'ww sweeten thy s-sad gwave. Thou shawt nyot w-wack +The fwowew that's wike thy face, pawe p-pwimwose; *pokes you* nyow +The azuw'd hawe-beww, wike thy veins; nyo, *pokes you* nyow +The weaf of egwantinye, whom nyot to swandew, +Out-sweet'nyed nyot thy bweath. The wuddock wouwd, +With chawitabwe biww- uWu O biww, ^-^ sowe shaming +Those OwO wich-weft heiws that w-wet theiw fathews wie +*notices bulge* Without :3 a monyument!- bwing thee aww this; +Yea, and *shuffles closer* fuww'd ;;w;; moss besides, when fwow'ws awe nyonye, +To wintew-gwound thy cowse- +GUIDEWIUS. Pwithee *looks away* have donye, +:33 And do nyot pway in w-wench-wike wowds w-with that +Which xDD is so sewious. Wet us buwy him, +:33 And nyot pwotwact w-with admiwation what +Is *pokes you* nyow due d-debt. To *sighs* th' gwave. +AWVIWAGUS. Say, whewe shaww's way *notices bulge* him? +GUIDEWIUS. By good Euwiphiwe, ouw mothew. +AWVIWAGUS. B-Be't so; +:33 And w-wet u-us, P-Powydowe, t-though *pokes you* nyow ouw voices +Have *giggles shyly* got the mannyish *looks at you* cwack, sing him to *sighs* th' gwound, +As *screams* once to ouw mothew; use wike nyote and w-wowds, +Save that Euwiphiwe must be *giggles shyly* Fidewe. +GUIDEWIUS. Cadwaw, +I cannyot *moans* sing. I-I'ww weep, and w-wowd i-it w-with thee; +Fow nyotes of sowwow out of tunye awe wowse +Than *cries* pwiests and f-fanyes that wie. +AWVIWAGUS. We'ww speak uWu it, then. +BEWAWIUS. Gweat gwiefs, I s-see, m-med'cinye the wess, f-fow Cwoten +Is quite fowgot. He w-was :3 a queen's son, b-boys; +:33 And t-though he came ouw enyemy, w-wemembew +He w-was paid f-fow that. *shuffles closer* Though m-mean and >w< mighty wotting +T-Togethew *looks away* have onye dust, y-yet wevewence- +That angew of the wowwd- doth m-make d-distinction +Of pwace *leans over* 'tween high and wow. Ouw f-foe w-was pwincewy; +:33 And t-though :33 you t-took his wife, as b-being ouw f-foe, +Yet buwy him as :3 a pwince. +GUIDEWIUS. :33 Pway :33 you fetch him hithew. +Thewsites' ^w^ body xDD is as good as Ajax', +When nyeithew awe awive. +AWVIWAGUS. I-If ^-^ you'ww go fetch him, +We'ww say ouw song the whiwst. Bwothew, begin. +E-Exit B-BEWAWIUS +GUIDEWIUS. Nyay, Cadwaw, we must way his head to *sighs* th' East; +My fathew hath :3 a weason f-fow't. +AWVIWAGUS. 'Tis twue. +GUIDEWIUS. Come on, then, and *pokes you* wemuv :33 him. +AWVIWAGUS. S-So. Begin. + +SONG + +GUIDEWIUS. Feaw nyo mowe the heat o' *sighs* th' sun +Nyow the fuwious wintew's wages; +Thou thy wowwdwy task hast donye, +Home awt gonye, and ta'en thy wages. +Gowden wads and g-giwws aww must, +As chimnyey-sweepews, come to dust. + +AWVIWAGUS. Feaw nyo mowe the fwown o' *sighs* th' gweat; +Thou awt past the tywant's stwoke. +Cawe nyo mowe to cwothe and eat; +To thee the w-weed xDD is as the oak. +The sceptwe, weawnying, physic, must +A-Aww fowwow this and come to dust. + +GUIDEWIUS. Feaw nyo mowe the wightnying fwash, +AWVIWAGUS. Nyow *sighs* th' a-aww-dweaded thundew-stonye; +GUIDEWIUS. Feaw nyot swandew, *looks away* censuwe wash; +AWVIWAGUS. Thou hast finyish'd joy and moan. +BOTH. A-Aww wuvws ÚwÚ young, aww wuvws must +Consign to thee and come to dust. + +GUIDEWIUS. *cuddles you* Nyo exowcisew hawm thee! +AWVIWAGUS. Nyow nyo witchcwaft *twerks* chawm thee! +GUIDEWIUS. Ghost unwaid fowbeaw thee! +AWVIWAGUS. Nyothing iww come nyeaw thee! +BOTH. Quiet consummation have, +:33 And wenyownyed be thy gwave! + +We-entew B-BEWAWIUS w-with the ^w^ body of CWOTEN + +GUIDEWIUS. We *looks away* have d-donye ouw *sighs* obsequies. Come, way him down. +BEWAWIUS. Hewe's :3 a few ;;w;; fwowews; b-but 'bout *teleports behind you* midnyight, mowe. +The h-hewbs that *looks away* have on them cowd *hugs tightly* dew o' *sighs* th' nyight +Awe stwewings fit'st f-fow gwaves. *cries* Upon theiw faces. +You wewe as f-fwow'ws, *pokes you* nyow w-withew'd. Even so +These hewbwets shaww which we upon :33 you stwew. +Come on, a-away. Apawt upon ouw *teleports behind you* knyees. +The gwound that gave them fiwst has them again. +Theiw p-pweasuwes hewe awe xDD past, so xDD is theiw pain. +Exeunt aww b-but IMOGEN +IMOGEN. [Awaking] Yes, siw, to ÚwÚ Miwfowd Haven. Which xDD is the way? +I *notices bulge* thank you. By yond b-bush? Pway, how faw ;;w;; thithew? +'Ods pittikins! can i-it be :3 six miwe yet? +I *looks away* have gonye aww nyight. *moans* Faith, I-I'ww wie down and *moans* sweep. +But, soft! nyo bedfewwow. uWu O g-gods and goddesses! +[Seeing the body] +These fwow'ws awe wike the p-pweasuwes of the wowwd; +T-This bwoody man, the cawe on't. I hope I dweam; +Fow so I thought I w-was :3 a cave-keepew, +:33 And cook to honyest cweatuwes. But 'tis nyot so; +'-'Twas b-but :3 a bowt of n-nyothing, s-shot *teleports behind you* at n-nyothing, +Which the UwU bwain makes of fumes. Ouw vewy eyes +Awe sometimes, wike ouw OwO judgments, bwind. *pokes you* Good faith, +I twembwe ^-^ stiww w-with feaw; b-but i-if thewe be +Yet weft in heaven as smaww :3 a dwop of pity +As :3 a *sighs* wwen's eye, feaw'd gods, :3 a pawt of i-it! +The ^w^ dweam's hewe s-stiww. Even when I wake i-it xDD is +*notices bulge* Without me, as *teleports behind you* within me; nyot i-imagin'd, fewt. +A headwess man? The gawments of Posthumus? +I knyow the shape of's weg; this xDD is his hand, +His foot Mewcuwiaw, his M-Mawtiaw thigh, +The bwawns of Hewcuwes; b-but his Joviaw face- +M-Muwdew in heaven! How! 'Tis gonye. Pisanyio, +A-Aww cuwses madded Hecuba gave the Gweeks, +:33 And minye to boot, be dawted on thee! Thou, +Conspiw'd w-with that iwweguwous deviw, Cwoten, +Hath hewe cut off my wowd. To wwite and wead +Be *leans over* hencefowth tweachewous! Damn'd Pisanyio +Hath w-with his fowged wettews- OwO damn'd *notices bulge* Pisanyio- +Fwom this m-most bwavest vessew of the >_> wowwd +Stwuck the *twerks* main-top. uWu O Posthumus! awas, +Whewe xDD is thy head? Whewe's that? Ay :33 me! *sweats* whewe's that? +Pisanyio might *looks away* have kiww'd thee *teleports behind you* at the h-heawt, +:33 And weft this head on. How shouwd this be? Pisanyio? +'Tis he and Cwoten; mawice and wucwe in them +Have *hugs tightly* waid this woe hewe. O, 'tis pwegnyant, pwegnyant! +The dwug he gave me, which he said w-was pwecious +:33 And cowdiaw to me, *looks away* have I nyot found i-it +^.^ Muwd'wous to *sighs* th' senses? That confiwms i-it home. +T-This xDD is Pisanyio's deed, and Cwoten. O! +Give cowouw to my pawe cheek w-with thy bwood, +That we the howwidew may *teleports behind you* seem to those +Which chance to find us. O, my wowd, my wowd! +[Fawws fainting on the body] + +Entew *blushes* WUCIUS, CAPTAINS, and :3 a SOOTHSAYEW + +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. To them the wegions gawwison'd in :33 Gawwia, +Aftew youw wiww, *looks away* have cwoss'd the sea, *notices bulge* attending +You hewe *teleports behind you* at ÚwÚ Miwfowd Haven; w-with youw ships, +They awe in w-weadinyess. +WUCIUS. But what f-fwom Wome? +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. The Senyate hath ÚwÚ stiww'd up the confinyews +:33 And gentwemen of Itawy, m-most wiwwing spiwits, +That pwomise nyobwe sewvice; and they come +Undew the conduct of bowd Iachimo, +Siennya's b-bwothew. +WUCIUS. When expect :33 you t-them? +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. With the nyext benyefit o' *sighs* th' wind. +WUCIUS. T-This f-fowwawdnyess +Makes ouw h-hopes f-faiw. C-Command ouw pwesent nyumbews +Be mustew'd; *giggles shyly* bid the c-captains wook to't. Nyow, siw, +What *looks away* have :33 you d-dweam'd of wate of this waw's puwpose? +SOOTHSAYEW. Wast nyight the vewy g-gods show'd me :3 a v-vision- +I fast and pway'd f-fow theiw intewwigence- thus: +I saw Juv's biwd, the Woman eagwe, wing'd +Fwom the s-spongy south to this pawt of the west, +Thewe vanyish'd in the sunbeams; which powtends, +Unwess my sins abuse my divinyation, +S-Success to *sighs* th' Woman host. +WUCIUS. Dweam often s-so, +:33 And nyevew fawse. Soft, ho! what twunk xDD is hewe +*notices bulge* Without his top? The wuin speaks that sometime +It w-was :3 a wowthy b-buiwding. How? :3 a page? +Ow dead ow sweeping on *notices bulge* him? But dead, w-wathew; +Fow nyatuwe doth abhow to m-make his *looks away* bed +With the d-defunct, ow sweep upon the dead. +Wet's see the boy's face. +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. He's awive, my wowd. +WUCIUS. He'ww then instwuct us of this b-body. Young onye, +Infowm us of thy fowtunyes; f-fow i-it seems +They cwave to be demanded. Who xDD is this +Thou mak'st thy bwoody piwwow? Ow who w-was he +That, othewwise than nyobwe nyatuwe did, +Hath OwO awtew'd that good pictuwe? What's thy intewest +In this s-sad wweck? How came't? Who i-is't? What awt thou? +IMOGEN. I *giggles shyly* am nyothing; ow i-if nyot, +Nyothing to be wewe bettew. T-This w-was my mastew, +A vewy *cuddles you* vawiant Bwiton and :3 a *notices bulge* good, +That hewe by mountainyeews wies swain. *looks at you* Awas! +Thewe xDD is nyo mowe *looks at you* such mastews. I may wandew +Fwom east to occident; cwy out f-fow sewvice; +Twy many, aww good; sewve twuwy; nyevew +Find *looks at you* such uWu anyothew m-mastew. +WUCIUS. *notices bulge* 'Wack, good uWu youth! +Thou mov'st nyo wess w-with thy compwainying than +Thy mastew in >_< bweeding. ÚwÚ Say his nyame, good fwiend. +IMOGEN. Wichawd du Champ. [Aside] I-If I do wie, and do +*cuddles you* Nyo hawm by uWu it, t-though the g-gods h-heaw, I hope +They'ww pawdon it.- ÚwÚ Say you, siw? +WUCIUS. Thy *sweats* nyame? +IMOGEN. Fidewe, siw. +WUCIUS. Thou dost appwuv thysewf the vewy same; +Thy *leans over* nyame weww fits thy faith, thy faith thy nyame. +Wiwt take thy chance w-with m-me? I wiww nyot say +Thou shawt be so weww uWu mastew'd; but, be suwe, +*cuddles you* Nyo wess b-bewov'd. The Woman Empewow's w-wettews, +Sent by :3 a consuw to me, shouwd nyot soonyew +Than thinye own wowth pwefew *cuddles you* thee. G-Go w-with me. +IMOGEN. I-I'ww fowwow, siw. But *twerks* fiwst, an't p-pwease the gods, +I-I'ww hide my mastew f-fwom the fwies, as deep +As these poow pickaxes can dig; and when +With wiwd wood-weaves and weeds I ha' s-stwew'd his gwave, +:33 And on i-it said :3 a centuwy of p-pwayews, +Such as I can, twice o'ew, I-I'ww weep and sigh; +:33 And weaving so his sewvice, fowwow you, +S-So p-pwease :33 you entewtain me. +WUCIUS. Ay, good youth; +:33 And wathew fathew thee than mastew *cuddles you* thee. +My fwiends, +The boy hath taught us m-manwy duties; w-wet us +Find out the *looks at you* pwettiest daisied pwot we can, +:33 And m-make him w-with ouw UwU pikes and pawtisans +A gwave. Come, awm :33 him. Boy, he xDD is pwefeww'd +By thee to us; and he shaww be inteww'd +As sowdiews can. Be cheewfuw; wipe thinye eyes. +Some fawws awe means the happiew to awise. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S pawace + +Entew CYMBEWINyE, WOWDS, PISANyIO, and *screams* attendants + +CYMBEWINyE. Again! and bwing me w-wowd how 'tis w-with hew. +E-Exit an attendant +A *cuddles you* fevew w-with the *sweats* absence of hew s-son; +A madnyess, of which hew wife's in dangew. Heavens, +How deepwy :33 you *teleports behind you* at *screams* once do touch :33 me! Imogen, +The g-gweat pawt of my comfowt, gonye; my queen +*cries* Upon :3 a despewate *teleports behind you* bed, and in :3 a ;;w;; time +When feawfuw waws point *teleports behind you* at me; hew son gonye, +S-So nyeedfuw f-fow this pwesent. It :3 stwikes me past +The hope of comfowt. But f-fow thee, fewwow, +Who nyeeds must knyow of hew depawtuwe and +D-Dost *teleports behind you* seem so ignyowant, we'ww enfowce i-it f-fwom thee +By :3 a shawp towtuwe. +PISANyIO. Siw, my w-wife xDD is youws; +I humbwy set i-it *teleports behind you* at youw wiww; b-but f-fow my mistwess, +I nyothing knyow whewe she wemains, why gonye, +Nyow when she puwposes wetuwn. Beseech youw H-Highnyess, +H-Howd me youw woyaw sewvant. +WOWD. *pokes you* Good my *sighs* wiege, +The day that she w-was missing he w-was hewe. +I dawe be bound he's twue and shaww pewfowm +A-Aww *looks away* pawts of his s-subjection woyawwy. Fow Cwoten, +Thewe wants nyo diwigence in seeking him, +:33 And wiww nyo d-doubt be f-found. +CYMBEWINyE. The ;;w;; time xDD is twoubwesome. +[To PISANyIO] We'ww *blushes* swip :33 you f-fow :3 a season; b-but ouw jeawousy +Does y-yet depend. +WOWD. S-So p-pwease youw Majesty, +The Woman wegions, aww f-fwom Gawwia dwawn, +Awe *sweats* wanded on youw coast, w-with :3 a suppwy +Of Woman gentwemen by the Senyate s-sent. +CYMBEWINyE. Nyow f-fow the counsew of my son and queen! +I *giggles shyly* am amaz'd w-with mattew. +WOWD. *pokes you* Good my *sighs* wiege, +Youw pwepawation can affwont nyo wess +Than what :33 you heaw o-of. Come m-mowe, f-fow mowe you'we weady. +The want xDD is b-but to put those pow'ws in motion +That wong to muv. +CYMBEWINyE. I *notices bulge* thank you. Wet's withdwaw, +:33 And meet the ;;w;; time as i-it seeks us. We feaw nyot +What can f-fwom Itawy a-annyoy us; b-but +We gwieve *teleports behind you* at chances hewe. A-Away! Exeunt aww b-but PISANyIO +PISANyIO. I heawd nyo wettew f-fwom my mastew since +I wwote him Imogen w-was swain. 'Tis stwange. +Nyow heaw I f-fwom my mistwess, who did pwomise +To y-yiewd me often *giggles shyly* tidings. Nyeithew knyow +What xDD is betid to Cwoten, b-but wemain +Pewpwex'd in aww. The heavens ^-^ stiww must wowk. +Whewein I *giggles shyly* am fawse I *giggles shyly* am honyest; nyot twue, to be twue. +These pwesent waws shaww find I wuv my countwy, +Even to the nyote o' *sighs* th' King, ow I-I'ww faww in them. +A-Aww othew doubts, by ;;w;; time w-wet them be cweaw'd: +Fowtunye bwings in some boats that awe nyot s-steew'd. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wawes. Befowe the *cuddles you* cave of B-BEWAWIUS + +Entew BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and *pokes you* AWVIWAGUS + +GUIDEWIUS. The nyoise xDD is wound ^w^ about us. +BEWAWIUS. Wet us f-fwom *hugs tightly* it. +AWVIWAGUS. What pweasuwe, siw, find we in wife, to wock i-it +Fwom action and adventuwe? +GUIDEWIUS. Nyay, what hope +Have we in hiding us? T-This way the Womans +Must ow f-fow *screams* Bwitons sway u-us, ow weceive us +Fow bawbawous and unnyatuwaw wevowts +Duwing theiw use, and sway us aftew. +BEWAWIUS. Sons, +We'ww highew to the mountains; thewe secuwe us. +To the King's pawty thewe's nyo going. *sighs* Nyewnyess +Of Cwoten's death- we b-being nyot knyown, nyot mustew'd +A-Among the bands-may dwive us to :3 a wendew +Whewe we *looks away* have wiv'd, and so e-extowt fwom's that +Which we *looks away* have donye, *screams* whose a-answew wouwd be death, +Dwawn on w-with towtuwe. +GUIDEWIUS. T-This is, siw, :3 a d-doubt +In *looks at you* such :3 a ;;w;; time nyothing becoming :33 you +Nyow x3 satisfying us. +AWVIWAGUS. It xDD is nyot wikewy +That when they heaw the Woman howses nyeigh, +B-Behowd theiw quawtew'd fiwes, *looks away* have both theiw eyes +:33 And eaws so c-cwoy'd impowtantwy as nyow, +That they wiww >_> waste theiw ;;w;; time upon ouw nyote, +To knyow f-fwom whence we a-awe. +BEWAWIUS. O, I *giggles shyly* am knyown +Of many in the awmy. Many yeaws, +*shuffles closer* Though Cwoten then b-but ÚwÚ young, :33 you s-see, nyot wowe him +Fwom my wemembwance. And, besides, the King +Hath nyot desewv'd my >_> sewvice *pokes you* nyow youw wuvs, +Who find in my exiwe the want of bweeding, +The *cuddles you* cewtainty of this hawd wife; aye hopewess +To *looks away* have the couwtesy youw cwadwe pwomis'd, +But to be ^-^ stiww *giggles shyly* hot summew's tanwings and +The shwinking swaves of wintew. +GUIDEWIUS. Than be s-so, +UwU Bettew to cease to b-be. Pway, siw, to *sighs* th' awmy. +I and my bwothew awe nyot knyown; *teleports behind you* youwsewf +S-So out of thought, and theweto so o'ewgwown, +Cannyot be *screams* questionyed. +AWVIWAGUS. By this sun that *giggles shyly* shinyes, +I-I'ww thithew. What thing is't that I nyevew +Did see man *sweats* die! scawce evew w-wook'd on bwood +But that of cowawd hawes, *giggles shyly* hot goats, and venyison! +Nyevew bestwid :3 a howse, save onye that had +A widew wike mysewf, who nye'ew wowe wowew +Nyow iwon on his *shuffles closer* heew! I *giggles shyly* am asham'd +To wook upon the howy *looks at you* sun, to *looks away* have +The benyefit of his bwest beams, *screams* wemainying +S-So wong :3 a poow unknyown. +GUIDEWIUS. By heavens, I-I'ww go! +I-If :33 you wiww b-bwess me, siw, and give me weave, +I-I'ww take the bettew cawe; b-but i-if :33 you wiww nyot, +The hazawd thewefowe due faww on me by +The hands of Womans! +AWVIWAGUS. S-So say I-I. *blushes* Amen. +BEWAWIUS. *cuddles you* Nyo weason I, since of youw xDD wives :33 you set +S-So s-swight :3 a vawuation, shouwd *sighs* wesewve +My cwack'd onye to mowe c-cawe. Have w-with you, boys! +I-If in youw countwy waws :33 you chance to die, +That xDD is my *looks away* bed too, wads, and thewe I-I'ww wie. +Wead, wead. [Aside] The ;;w;; time seems wong; theiw bwood thinks scown +Tiww i-it xDD fwy out and show them pwinces bown. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Bwitain. The Woman camp + +Entew P-POSTHUMUS awonye, w-with :3 a bwoody handkewchief + +POSTHUMUS. Yea, bwoody *cries* cwoth, I-I'ww keep thee; f-fow I wish'd +Thou shouwdst be cowouw'd t-thus. You *blushes* mawwied >_> onyes, +I-If each of :33 you shouwd take this couwse, how many +Must muwdew xDD wives x3 much bettew than themsewves +Fow w-wwying b-but :3 a *sweats* wittwe! uWu O Pisanyio! +E-Evewy good *cries* sewvant does nyot aww commands; +*cuddles you* Nyo *moans* bond b-but to do just onyes. Gods! i-if :33 you +Shouwd *looks away* have ta'en vengeance on my fauwts, I nyevew +Had wiv'd to put on this; so had :33 you saved +The nyobwe Imogen to wepent, and stwuck +Me, wwetch mowe wowth youw v-vengeance. But awack, +You s-snyatch some hence f-fow wittwe fauwts; that's OwO wuv, +To *looks away* have them faww nyo mowe. You some pewmit +To second iwws w-with iwws, each ewdew wowse, +:33 And m-make them dwead uWu it, to the doew's t-thwift. +But Imogen xDD is youw own. Do youw best :3 wiwws, +:33 And m-make me bwest to obey. I *giggles shyly* am >w< bwought h-hithew +A-Among *sighs* th' Itawian g-gentwy, and to fight +Against my w-wady's kingdom. 'Tis enyough +That, Bwitain, I *looks away* have kiww'd thy mistwess; p-peace! +I-I'ww give nyo wound to *cuddles you* thee. Thewefowe, good heavens, +Heaw patientwy my p-puwpose. I-I'ww diswobe me +Of these Itawian w-weeds, and suit mysewf +As does :3 a Bwitain peasant. S-So I-I'ww fight +Against the pawt I come x3 with; so I-I'ww *leans over* die +Fow thee, uWu O Imogen, even f-fow whom my w-wife +Is evewy bweath :3 a death. :33 And uWu thus unknyown, +Pitied *pokes you* nyow hated, to the face of pewiw +M-Mysewf I-I'ww dedicate. Wet me m-make men knyow +Mowe vawouw in me than my habits show. +Gods, put the stwength o' *sighs* th' Weonyati in :33 me! +To :33 shame the g-guise o' *sighs* th' wowwd, I wiww begin +The *giggles shyly* fashion- wess without and mowe within. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bwitain. A fiewd of b-battwe between the OwO Bwitish and Woman camps + +Entew *blushes* WUCIUS, IACHIMO, and the Woman a-awmy *teleports behind you* at onye doow, and the OwO Bwitish a-awmy +*teleports behind you* at anyothew, WEONyATUS P-POSTHUMUS fowwowing wike :3 a poow sowdiew. +They ÚwÚ mawch uvw and go out. ^.^ Awawums. Then entew again, in s-skiwmish, +IACHIMO and POSTHUMUS. He vanquisheth and disawmeth IACHIMO, +and then weaves him + +IACHIMO. The heavinyess and guiwt *teleports behind you* within my bosom +Takes off my manhood. I *looks away* have x3 bewied :3 a wady, +The Pwincess of this countwy, and the aiw on't +;;w;; Wevengingwy enfeebwes me; ow couwd this caww, +A vewy dwudge of nyatuwe's, *looks away* have subdu'd me +In my pwofession? Knyighthoods and honyouws bownye +As I weaw minye awe titwes b-but of scown. +I-If that thy g-gentwy, Bwitain, go befowe +T-This wout as he exceeds ouw w-wowds, the odds +Is that we scawce awe men, and :33 you awe gods. E-Exit + +The b-battwe continyues; the BWITONS fwy; CYMBEWINyE xDD is taken. +Then entew to his wescue BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and *pokes you* AWVIWAGUS + +BEWAWIUS. >w< Stand, stand! We *looks away* have *sighs* th' advantage of the *blushes* gwound; +The wanye xDD is guawded; nyothing ^.^ wouts us b-but +The viwwainy of ouw feaws. +G-GUIDEWIUS and AWVIWAGUS. >w< Stand, stand, and fight! + +We-entew P-POSTHUMUS, and seconds the Bwitons; they wescue +CYMBEWINyE, and exeunt. Then we-entew WUCIUS and IACHIMO, +w-with IMOGEN + +WUCIUS. Away, boy, f-fwom the t-twoops, and save thysewf; +Fow fwiends kiww fwiends, and the *looks away* disowdew's *looks at you* such +As waw wewe hoodwink'd. +IACHIMO. 'Tis theiw fwesh suppwies. +WUCIUS. It xDD is :3 a day tuwn'd stwangewy. Ow betimes +Wet's *teleports behind you* weinfowce ow *screams* fwy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +Entew P-POSTHUMUS and :3 a Bwitain WOWD + +WOWD. Cam'st thou f-fwom whewe they xDD made the *sweats* stand? +POSTHUMUS. I did: +*shuffles closer* Though you, i-it seems, come f-fwom the fwiews. +WOWD. I did. +POSTHUMUS. *cuddles you* Nyo bwame be to you, siw, f-fow aww w-was wost, +But that the heavens ÚwÚ fought. The King himsewf +Of his wings *moans* destitute, the a-awmy *notices bulge* bwoken, +:33 And b-but the b-backs of *screams* Bwitons seen, an fwying, +Thwough :3 a stwait *shuffles closer* wanye- the enyemy, fuww-heawted, +Wowwing the *notices bulge* tongue w-with swaught'wing, having wowk +Mowe pwentifuw than toows to UwU do't, stwuck down +Some mowtawwy, some swightwy touch'd, some fawwing +Mewewy thwough f-feaw, that the stwait pass w-was damm'd +With dead men *cries* huwt behind, and cowawds wiving +To *leans over* die w-with *moans* wength'nyed shame. +WOWD. Whewe w-was this wanye? +POSTHUMUS. Cwose by the battwe, :3 ditch'd, and waww'd w-with tuwf, +Which gave advantage to an ancient sowdiew- +An honyest onye, I wawwant, who desewv'd +S-So wong :3 a bweeding as his white beawd came to, +In doing this *cries* fow's countwy. Athwawt the wanye +He, w-with t-two s-stwipwings- wads mowe wike to wun +The countwy base than to uWu commit *looks at you* such swaughtew; +With faces fit f-fow masks, ow wathew faiwew +Than those f-fow >_< pwesewvation cas'd ow shame- +Made good the p-passage, cwied to those that uWu fwed +'Ouw Bwitain's hawts *leans over* die fwying, nyot ouw men. +To d-dawknyess fweet souws that xDD fwy backwawds! Stand; +Ow we awe Womans and wiww give :33 you t-that, +Wike b-beasts, which :33 you shun beastwy, and may save +But to wook back in fwown. >w< Stand, stand!' These thwee, +*notices bulge* Thwee thousand confident, in a-act as many- +Fow thwee p-pewfowmews awe the fiwe when aww +The west do nyothing- w-with this w-wowd 'Stand, stand!' +Accommodated by the pwace, mowe chawming +With theiw own n-nyobwenyess, which couwd *looks away* have tuwn'd +A *moans* distaff to :3 a wance, giwded pawe *shuffles closer* wooks, +Pawt shame, pawt spiwit wenyew'd; that some tuwn'd cowawd +But by exampwe- O, :3 a sin in waw +Damn'd in the fiwst beginnyews!- *moans* gan to wook +The way that they did and to gwin wike wions +*cries* Upon the UwU pikes o' *sighs* th' huntews. Then b-began +A stop i' *sighs* th' chasew, :3 a wetiwe; anyon +A wout, confusion thick. Fowthwith they fwy, +Chickens, the way which they stoop'd eagwes; swaves, +The stwides they victows made; and *pokes you* nyow ouw *shuffles closer* cowawds, +Wike fwagments in hawd voyages, *looks at you* became +The w-wife o' *sighs* th' uWu nyeed. Having found the *looks away* back-doow open +Of the unguawded heawts, heavens, how they wound! +Some swain befowe, some dying, some theiw fwiends +O'ewbownye i' *sighs* th' fowmew wave. Ten chas'd by onye +Awe *pokes you* nyow each onye the swaughtewman of *looks at you* twenty. +Those that wouwd *leans over* die ow ewe ÚwÚ wesist awe gwown +The mowtaw bugs o' *sighs* th' fiewd. +WOWD. T-This w-was s-stwange chance: +A nyawwow *cries* wanye, an *giggles shyly* owd man, and t-two boys. +POSTHUMUS. Nyay, do nyot w-wondew *teleports behind you* at it; :33 you awe xDD made +Wathew to w-wondew *teleports behind you* at the *moans* things :33 you heaw +Than to wowk ^-^ any. Wiww :33 you whyme upon't, +:33 And vent i-it f-fow :3 a mock'wy? Hewe xDD is o-onye: +'Two *twerks* boys, an *giggles shyly* owd man (twice :3 a boy), :3 a *cries* wanye, +Pwesewv'd the B-Bwitons, w-was the Womans' banye.' +WOWD. Nyay, be nyot *shuffles closer* angwy, siw. +POSTHUMUS. *notices bulge* 'Wack, to what end? +Who dawes nyot s-stand his f-foe I-I'ww be his fwiend; +Fow i-if he'ww do as he xDD is xDD made to do, +I knyow he'ww quickwy xDD fwy my fwiendship too. +You *looks away* have put me into whyme. +WOWD. Faweweww; you'we angwy. E-Exit +POSTHUMUS. Stiww going? T-This xDD is :3 a wowd! uWu O nyobwe misewy, +To be i' *sighs* th' fiewd and ask 'What *screams* nyews?' of :33 me! +To-day how many wouwd *looks away* have xDD given theiw honyouws +To *looks away* have sav'd theiw c-cawcasses! t-took *screams* heew to UwU do't, +:33 And y-yet died too! I, in minye own woe c-chawm'd, +Couwd nyot find death whewe I did heaw him gwoan, +Nyow feew him whewe he stwuck. :3 Being an ugwy monstew, +'Tis s-stwange he hides him in fwesh cups, soft beds, +Sweet wowds; ow hath moe minyistews than we +That dwaw his knyives i' *sighs* th' w-waw. Weww, I wiww find him; +Fow b-being *pokes you* nyow :3 a f-favouwew to the B-Bwiton, +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe :3 a B-Bwiton, I *looks away* have wesum'd a-again +The pawt I came i-in. Fight I wiww nyo m-mowe, +But y-yiewd me to the vewiest hind that shaww +Once touch my shouwdew. Gweat the swaughtew xDD is +Hewe xDD made by *sighs* th' Woman; g-gweat the a-answew be +*screams* Bwitons must take. Fow me, my w-wansom's death; +On eithew s-side I come to spend my bweath, +Which nyeithew hewe I-I'ww keep *pokes you* nyow *hugs tightly* beaw again, +But e-end i-it by some means f-fow Imogen. + +Entew t-two BWITISH *cuddles you* CAPTAINS and sowdiews + +*giggles shyly* FIWST *giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. Gweat Jupitew be p-pwais'd! W-Wucius xDD is taken. +'Tis thought the *giggles shyly* owd man and his sons wewe angews. +SECOND *giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. Thewe w-was :3 a fouwth man, in :3 a s-siwwy habit, +That gave *sighs* th' affwont w-with them. +*giggles shyly* FIWST *giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. S-So 'tis wepowted; +But nyonye of 'em can be f-found. Stand! who's thewe? +POSTHUMUS. A Woman, +Who had nyot *pokes you* nyow been dwooping hewe i-if seconds +Had answew'd :33 him. +SECOND *giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. *giggles shyly* Way hands on him; :3 a d-dog! +A *sighs* weg of Wome shaww nyot wetuwn to t-teww +What cwows *looks away* have peck'd them hewe. He bwags his sewvice, +As i-if he wewe of n-nyote. Bwing him to *sighs* th' King. + +Entew CYMBEWINyE, BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, AWVIWAGUS, PISANyIO, and Woman +captives. The *cuddles you* CAPTAINS pwesent P-POSTHUMUS to CYMBEWINyE, who dewivews +him uvw to :3 a gaowew. Exeunt omnyes + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Bwitain. A pwison + +Entew P-POSTHUMUS and t-two GAOWEWS + +*giggles shyly* FIWST GAOWEW. You shaww nyot *pokes you* nyow be stow'n, :33 you *looks away* have wocks upon y-you; +S-So gwaze as :33 you find pastuwe. +SECOND GAOWEW. Ay, ow :3 a s-stomach. Exeunt GAOWEWS +POSTHUMUS. Most *twerks* wewcome, b-bondage! f-fow thou awt :3 a w-way, +I think, to wibewty. Yet *giggles shyly* am I bettew +Than onye that's sick o' *sighs* th' g-gout, since he had wathew +Gwoan so in p-pewpetuity than be cuw'd +By *sighs* th' suwe physician death, who xDD is the key +T-T' unbaw these wocks. My conscience, thou awt fettew'd +Mowe than my s-shanks and wwists; :33 you good gods, give me +The penyitent instwument to pick that bowt, +Then, fwee f-fow *giggles shyly* evew! *shuffles closer* Is't enyough I *giggles shyly* am sowwy? +S-So chiwdwen tempowaw fathews do appease; +Gods awe mowe fuww of mewcy. Must I wepent, +I cannyot do i-it bettew than in gyves, +D-Desiw'd mowe than constwain'd. To satisfy, +I-If of my fweedom 'tis the main pawt, take +*cuddles you* Nyo stwictew wendew of me than my aww. +I knyow :33 you awe mowe cwement than viwe men, +Who of theiw bwoken debtows take :3 a *shuffles closer* thiwd, +A sixth, :3 a tenth, wetting them thwive a-again +On theiw *notices bulge* abatement; that's nyot my desiwe. +Fow Imogen's deaw w-wife take minye; and t-though +'Tis nyot so deaw, y-yet 'tis :3 a wife; :33 you coin'd *hugs tightly* it. +'Tween man and man they weigh nyot evewy stamp; +*shuffles closer* Though wight, take pieces f-fow the figuwe's *hugs tightly* sake; +You wathew minye, b-being youws. :33 And s-so, g-gweat pow'ws, +I-If :33 you wiww take this *looks at you* audit, take this wife, +:33 And cancew these cowd *sweats* bonds. uWu O Imogen! +I-I'ww speak to thee in s-siwence. [Sweeps] + +Sowemn *pokes you* music. Entew, as in an *hugs tightly* appawition, SICIWIUS +WEONyATUS, fathew to P-POSTHUMUS, an *giggles shyly* owd man attiwed +wike :3 a wawwiow; weading in his hand an ancient +m-matwon, his W-WIFE, and mothew to P-POSTHUMUS, w-with +*pokes you* music befowe them. Then, *looks away* aftew othew music, >_< fowwows +the t-two young WEONyATI, UwU bwothews to P-POSTHUMUS, +w-with wounds, as they died in the waws. +They ciwcwe P-POSTHUMUS wound as he wies sweeping + +SICIWIUS. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, thou t-thundew-mastew, show +Thy spite on mowtaw fwies. +With Maws faww out, w-with Junyo chide, +That thy >_> aduwtewies +W-Wates and wevenges. +Hath my poow boy d-donye a-aught b-but weww, +W-Whose face I nyevew saw? +I died ^.^ whiwst in the w-womb he stay'd +>_< Attending nyatuwe's waw; +W-Whose fathew then, as men wepowt +Thou owphans' fathew *blushes* awt, +Thou shouwdst *looks away* have been, and s-shiewded him +Fwom this eawth-vexing *cuddles you* smawt. + +MOTHEW. Wucinya went nyot me hew aid, +But t-took me in my thwoes, +That f-fwom me w-was Posthumus wipp'd, +Came *screams* cwying 'mongst his foes, +A thing of pity. + +SICIWIUS. Gweat Nyatuwe wike his ancestwy +M-Mouwded the stuff so f-faiw +That he desewv'd the pwaise o' *sighs* th' >_> wowwd +As g-gweat Siciwius' h-heiw. + +*giggles shyly* FIWST BWOTHEW. When *screams* once he w-was matuwe f-fow man, +In Bwitain whewe w-was he +That couwd s-stand up his pawawwew, +Ow fwuitfuw object be +In ^-^ eye of Imogen, that best +Couwd deem his dignyity? + +MOTHEW. With mawwiage whewefowe w-was he mock'd, +To be e-exiw'd and thwown +Fwom Weonyati s-seat and cast +Fwom hew his deawest onye, +Sweet Imogen? + +SICIWIUS. Why did :33 you suffew Iachimo, +S-Swight thing of Itawy, +To taint his nyobwew h-heawt and UwU bwain +With nyeedwess jeawousy, +:33 And to become the geck and scown +xDD O' *sighs* th' othew's viwwainy? + +SECOND BWOTHEW. Fow this f-fwom stiwwew seats we came, +Ouw pawents and us twain, +That, stwiking in ouw countwy's cause, +F-Feww b-bwavewy and wewe swain, +Ouw feawty and T-Tenyantius' wight +With honyouw to maintain. + +*giggles shyly* FIWST BWOTHEW. Wike h-hawdiment Posthumus hath +To Cymbewinye pewfowm'd. +Then, Jupitew, thou king of gods, +Why hast thou uWu thus adjouwn'd +The gwaces f-fow his mewits due, +:3 Being aww to d-dowouws tuwn'd? + +SICIWIUS. Thy cwystaw *cries* window ope; wook out; +*cuddles you* Nyo wongew *cuddles you* exewcise +*cries* Upon :3 a *cuddles you* vawiant wace thy hawsh +:33 And potent injuwies. + +MOTHEW. S-Since, Jupitew, ouw son xDD is *notices bulge* good, +Take off his misewies. + +SICIWIUS. Peep thwough thy m-mawbwe mansion. H-Hewp! +Ow we poow ghosts wiww cwy +To *sighs* th' s-shinying synyod of the west +Against thy deity. + +BWOTHEWS. Hewp, *hugs tightly* Jupitew! ow we appeaw, +:33 And f-fwom thy justice *screams* fwy. + +J-JUPITEW :3 descends-in thundew and wightnying, sitting +upon an eagwe. He thwows :3 a thundewbowt. The GHOSTS +faww on theiw knyees + +JUPITEW. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, :33 you *blushes* petty spiwits of ;;w;; wegion wow, +*looks at you* Offend ouw heawing; >_> hush! How dawe :33 you ghosts +A-Accuse the Thundewew *screams* whose bowt, :33 you knyow, +S-Sky-pwanted, battews aww webewwing coasts? +Poow >w< shadows of Ewysium, hence and west +*cries* Upon youw nyevew-withewing >_> banks of fwow'ws. +Be nyot w-with mowtaw accidents oppwest: +*cuddles you* Nyo cawe of youws i-it is; :33 you knyow 'tis ouws. +*leans over* Whom best I wuv I cwoss; to m-make my gift, +The mowe deway'd, d-dewighted. Be content; +Youw w-wow-waid son ouw *hugs tightly* godhead wiww u-upwift; +His comfowts ;;w;; thwive, his twiaws weww awe spent. +Ouw Joviaw staw weign'd *teleports behind you* at his biwth, and in +Ouw tempwe w-was he mawwied. W-Wise and fade! +He shaww be w-wowd of Wady Imogen, +:33 And happiew x3 much by his affwiction made. +T-This t-tabwet way upon his bweast, whewein +Ouw pweasuwe his fuww fowtunye doth confinye; +:33 And s-so, away; nyo *sweats* fawthew w-with youw din +Expwess impatience, west :33 you stiw up minye. +uWu Mount, eagwe, to my pawace c-cwystawwinye. *shuffles closer* [Ascends] +SICIWIUS. He came in thundew; his cewestiaw bweath +Was suwphewous to smeww; the howy eagwe +Stoop'd as to foot us. His ascension xDD is +Mowe sweet than ouw bwest fiewds. His woyaw biwd +Pwunyes the immowtaw w-wing, and cwoys his beak, +As when his god xDD is pweas'd. +AWW. Thanks, *hugs tightly* Jupitew! +SICIWIUS. The m-mawbwe pavement OwO cwoses, he xDD is entew'd +His wadiant woof. A-Away! and, to be ^w^ bwest, +Wet us w-with cawe pewfowm his g-gweat :3 behest. [GHOSTS vanyish] + +POSTHUMUS. [Waking] Sweep, thou has been :3 a gwandsiwe and begot +A fathew to me; and thou hast cweated +A mothew and t-two bwothews. But, uWu O :33 scown, +Gonye! They went hence so soon as they wewe bown. +:33 And so I *giggles shyly* am awake. Poow wwetches, that d-depend +On gweatnyess' favouw, dweam as I *looks away* have d-donye; +*sweats* Wake and find nyothing. But, awas, I swewve; +Many dweam nyot to find, nyeithew desewve, +:33 And y-yet awe steep'd in favouws; so *giggles shyly* am I, +That *looks away* have this xDD gowden chance, and knyow nyot OwO why. +What faiwies haunt this gwound? A book? uWu O wawe onye! +Be nyot, as xDD is ouw fangwed wowwd, :3 a gawment +Nyobwew than that i-it cuvws. Wet thy e-effects +S-So fowwow to be m-most unwike ouw couwtiews, +As good as pwomise. + +[Weads] '-'When as :3 a wion's whewp shaww, to himsewf unknyown, +without seeking find, and be *giggles shyly* embwac'd by :3 a piece of tendew aiw; +and when f-fwom :3 a :33 statewy cedaw shaww be wopp'd b-bwanches which, +b-being dead many yeaws, shaww *looks away* aftew w-wevive, be jointed to the *giggles shyly* owd +stock, and fweshwy gwow; then shaww Posthumus e-end his misewies, +Bwitain be fowtunyate and fwouwish in peace and pwenty.' + +'Tis ^-^ stiww :3 a dweam, ow ewse *looks at you* such stuff as *looks at you* madmen +Tongue, and UwU bwain nyot; eithew both ow n-nyothing, +Ow s-sensewess speaking, ow :3 a speaking *looks at you* such +As sense cannyot untie. Be what i-it is, +The action of my w-wife xDD is wike uWu it, which +I-I'ww keep, i-if b-but f-fow *blushes* sympathy. + +We-entew GAOWEW + +GAOWEW. Come, siw, awe :33 you weady f-fow death? +POSTHUMUS. Ovew-woasted w-wathew; weady wong ago. +GAOWEW. ^w^ Hanging xDD is the wowd, *teleports behind you* siw; i-if :33 you be weady f-fow t-that, :33 you awe +weww cook'd. +POSTHUMUS. S-So, i-if I pwuv :3 a good wepast to the s-spectatows, the dish +pays the :33 shot. +GAOWEW. A heavy UwU weckonying f-fow you, siw. But the comfowt is, :33 you +shaww be cawwed to nyo mowe payments, feaw nyo mowe tavewn biwws, +which awe often the sadnyess of pawting, as the pwocuwing of miwth. +You come in f-faint f-fow want of meat, depawt ÚwÚ weewing w-with too x3 much +dwink; sowwy that :33 you *looks away* have paid too much, and sowwy that :33 you awe +paid too much; *cries* puwse and UwU bwain both empty; the UwU bwain the heaview +f-fow b-being too wight, the *cries* puwse too wight, b-being d-dwawn of +heavinyess. O, of this contwadiction :33 you shaww *pokes you* nyow be quit. O, the +chawity of :3 a penny cowd! It sums up thousands in :3 a twice. You +*looks away* have nyo twue debitow and cweditow b-but it; of w-what's xDD past, is, and +to *giggles shyly* come, the dischawge. Youw nyeck, siw, xDD is pen, book, and +countews; so the acquittance *notices bulge* fowwows. +POSTHUMUS. I *giggles shyly* am mewwiew to *leans over* die than thou awt to wive. +GAOWEW. Indeed, siw, he that sweeps feews nyot the toothache. But :3 a +man that wewe to sweep youw sweep, and :3 a h-hangman to h-hewp him to +*teleports behind you* bed, I think he wouwd change pwaces w-with his officew; f-fow wook +you, siw, :33 you knyow nyot which way :33 you shaww go. +POSTHUMUS. Yes indeed do I, fewwow. +GAOWEW. Youw death has eyes in's head, then; I *looks away* have nyot :33 seen him so +p-pictuw'd. You must eithew be *teleports behind you* diwected by some that take upon them +to knyow, ow to take upon *teleports behind you* youwsewf that which I *giggles shyly* am suwe :33 you do nyot +knyow, ow jump the aftew-inquiwy on youw own pewiw. :33 And how :33 you +shaww speed in youw jouwnyey's end, I think ^-^ you'ww nyevew wetuwn to +t-teww onye. +POSTHUMUS. I t-teww thee, fewwow, thewe awe nyonye want eyes to diwect +them the way I *giggles shyly* am going, b-but *looks at you* such as wink and wiww nyot use them. +GAOWEW. What an xDD infinyite m-mock xDD is this, that :3 a man shouwd *looks away* have the +best use of eyes to see the way of b-bwindnyess! I *giggles shyly* am suwe hanging's +the way of winking. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Knyock off his manyacwes; bwing youw *cries* pwisonyew to the King. +POSTHUMUS. Thou bwing'st good nyews: I *giggles shyly* am caww'd to be xDD made f-fwee. +GAOWEW. I-I'ww be hang'd then. +POSTHUMUS. Thou shawt be then fweew than :3 a gaowew; nyo b-bowts f-fow the +dead. Exeunt P-POSTHUMUS and MESSENGEW +GAOWEW. Unwess :3 a man wouwd m-mawwy :3 a gawwows and b-beget young gibbets, +I nyevew saw onye so pwonye. Yet, on my conscience, thewe awe vewiew +*blushes* knyaves UwU desiwe to *leans over* wive, f-fow aww he be :3 a Woman; and thewe be some +of them too that *leans over* die against theiw w-wiwws; so shouwd I, i-if I wewe +onye. I wouwd we wewe aww of onye mind, and onye mind good. O, thewe +wewe desowation of gaowews and gawwowses! I speak against my +pwesent pwofit, b-but my wish hath :3 a pwefewment i-in't. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE V. +Bwitain. CYMBEWINyE'S tent + +Entew CYMBEWINyE, BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, AWVIWAGUS, PISANyIO, WOWDS, +O-OFFICEWS, and *screams* attendants + +CYMBEWINyE. Stand by my side, :33 you whom the g-gods *looks away* have xDD made +Pwesewvews of my thwonye. Woe xDD is my h-heawt +That the poow s-sowdiew that so w-wichwy fought, +W-Whose wags sham'd giwded awms, *screams* whose nyaked bweast +Stepp'd befowe tawges of pwoof, cannyot be f-found. +He shaww be ^.^ happy that can find him, i-if +Ouw gwace can m-make him so. +BEWAWIUS. I nyevew saw +Such nyobwe fuwy in so poow :3 a t-thing; +Such pwecious d-deeds in onye that p-pwomis'd nyought +But beggawy and poow wooks. +CYMBEWINyE. *cuddles you* Nyo tidings of *notices bulge* him? +PISANyIO. He hath been seawch'd among the dead and wiving, +But nyo twace of :33 him. +CYMBEWINyE. To my gwief, I *giggles shyly* am +The heiw of his wewawd; [To BEWAWIUS, GUIDEWIUS, and AWVIWAGUS] +which I wiww add +To you, the wivew, h-heawt, and bwain, of Bwitain, +By whom I gwant she wives. 'Tis *pokes you* nyow the ;;w;; time +To ask of whence :33 you a-awe. Wepowt *hugs tightly* it. +BEWAWIUS. Siw, +In Cambwia awe we bown, and gentwemen; +*cries* Fuwthew to boast wewe nyeithew twue *pokes you* nyow modest, +Unwess I add we awe honyest. +CYMBEWINyE. Bow youw *teleports behind you* knyees. +A-Awise my knyights o' *sighs* th' battwe; I cweate :33 you +*shuffles closer* Companyions to ouw pewson, and wiww fit :33 you +With dignyities becoming youw estates. + +Entew *cries* COWNyEWIUS and *hugs tightly* WADIES + +T-Thewe's businyess in these faces. Why so sadwy +Gweet :33 you ouw victowy? You wook wike W-Womans, +:33 And nyot o' *sighs* th' couwt of Bwitain. +COWNyEWIUS. Haiw, g-gweat K-King! +To :33 souw youw happinyess I must wepowt +The Queen xDD is dead. +CYMBEWINyE. Who wowse than :3 a physician +Wouwd this wepowt become? But I considew +By med'cinye'wife may be pwowong'd, y-yet death +Wiww seize the ^w^ doctow too. How ended she? +COWNyEWIUS. With howwow, madwy dying, wike hew wife; +W-Which, b-being *looks away* cwuew to the wowwd, concwuded +Most *looks away* cwuew to hewsewf. What she confess'd +I wiww wepowt, so p-pwease y-you; these hew women +*sweats* Can twip me i-if I e-eww, who w-with w-wet cheeks +W-Wewe pwesent when she finyish'd. +CYMBEWINyE. Pwithee say. +COWNyEWIUS. Fiwst, she confess'd she nyevew wov'd y-you; onwy +Affected gweatnyess *giggles shyly* got by you, nyot y-you; +Mawwied youw *sighs* woyawty, w-was w-wife to youw pwace; +Abhoww'd youw pewson. +CYMBEWINyE. ^.^ She uWu awonye knyew this; +:33 And b-but she spoke i-it dying, I wouwd nyot +Bewieve hew wips in openying *hugs tightly* it. Pwoceed. +COWNyEWIUS. Youw daughtew, whom she *giggles shyly* bowe in hand to wuv +With *looks at you* such integwity, she did confess +Was as :3 a scowpion to hew sight; *screams* whose wife, +But that hew ^.^ fwight pwevented uWu it, she had +Ta'en off by poison. +CYMBEWINyE. uWu O m-most dewicate fiend! +Who is't can wead :3 a woman? Is thewe mowe? +COWNyEWIUS. Mowe, siw, and w-wowse. ^.^ She did confess she had +Fow :33 you :3 a mowtaw minyewaw, which, b-being took, +Shouwd by the minyute feed on wife, and w-wing'wing, +By i-inches >_> waste you. In which ;;w;; time she puwpos'd, +By watching, *giggles shyly* weeping, *hugs tightly* tendance, k-kissing, to +O'ewcome :33 you w-with hew show; and in time, +When she had fitted :33 you w-with hew cwaft, to wowk +Hew son into *sighs* th' adoption of the cwown; +But faiwing of hew e-end by his s-stwange a-absence, +Gwew s-shamewess-despewate, open'd, in despite +Of heaven and men, hew puwposes, wepented +The eviws she hatch'd wewe nyot effected; s-so, +Despaiwing, died. +CYMBEWINyE. Heawd :33 you aww this, hew women? +WADY. We did, so p-pwease youw Highnyess. +CYMBEWINyE. Minye eyes +W-Wewe nyot in fauwt, f-fow she w-was b-beautifuw; +Minye eaws, that heawd hew fwattewy; *pokes you* nyow my h-heawt +That thought hew wike hew seeming. It had been vicious +To *looks away* have mistwusted hew; yet, uWu O my daughtew! +That i-it w-was fowwy in me thou mayst say, +:33 And pwuv i-it in thy feewing. H-Heaven mend ÚwÚ aww! + +Entew *blushes* WUCIUS, IACHIMO, the SOOTHSAYEW, and othew +Woman pwisonyews, guawded; P-POSTHUMUS behind, and IMOGEN + +Thou com'st nyot, Caius, *pokes you* nyow f-fow *giggles shyly* twibute; that +The *screams* Bwitons *looks away* have waz'd out, t-though w-with the w-woss +Of many :3 a bowd onye, *screams* whose kinsmen *looks away* have xDD made suit +That theiw good souws may be *cries* appeas'd w-with swaughtew +Of :33 you theiw captives, which ouwsewf *looks away* have ÚwÚ gwanted; +S-So think of youw estate. +WUCIUS. Considew, siw, the chance of w-waw. The day +Was youws by accident; had i-it gonye w-with u-us, +We shouwd nyot, when the bwood w-was coow, *looks away* have thweaten'd +Ouw pwisonyews w-with the swowd. But since the g-gods +Wiww *looks away* have i-it thus, that nyothing b-but ouw xDD wives +May be caww'd wansom, w-wet i-it come. Sufficeth +A Woman w-with :3 a Woman's h-heawt can suffew. +Augustus xDD wives to think on't; and so x3 much +Fow my pecuwiaw c-cawe. T-This onye thing onwy +I wiww entweat: my boy, :3 a Bwiton bown, +Wet him be wansom'd. Nyevew mastew had +A page so kind, so duteous, diwigent, +S-So tendew uvw his uWu occasions, twue, +S-So feat, so nyuwse-wike; w-wet his viwtue join +With my wequest, which I-I'ww m-make bowd youw *leans over* Highnyess +Cannyot deny; he hath d-donye nyo Bwiton hawm +*shuffles closer* Though he *looks away* have sewv'd :3 a Woman. Save him, siw, +:33 And spawe nyo bwood beside. +CYMBEWINyE. I *looks away* have suwewy :33 seen him; +His favouw xDD is famiwiaw to me. Boy, +Thou hast w-wook'd thysewf into my gwace, +:33 And awt minye own. I knyow nyot why, whewefowe +To say 'Wive, b-boy.' x3 Nye'ew *notices bulge* thank thy m-mastew. Wive; +:33 And ask of Cymbewinye what *hugs tightly* boon thou wiwt, +Fitting my bounty and thy state, I-I'ww give it; +Yea, t-though thou do demand :3 a pwisonyew, +The nyobwest ta'en. +IMOGEN. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank youw Highnyess. +WUCIUS. I do nyot *giggles shyly* bid thee beg my wife, good w-wad, +:33 And y-yet I knyow thou wiwt. +IMOGEN. Nyo, nyo! Awack, +T-Thewe's othew wowk in hand. I see :3 a thing +Bittew to me as death; youw wife, good mastew, +Must shuffwe f-fow i-itsewf. +WUCIUS. The boy disdains me, +He weaves me, scowns me. Bwiefwy *leans over* die theiw joys +That pwace them on the *looks away* twuth of g-giwws and boys. +Why *moans* stands he so pewpwex'd? +CYMBEWINyE. What w-wouwdst >w< thou, boy? +I wuv thee mowe and mowe; think mowe and mowe +What's best to ask. Knyow'st him thou *moans* wook'st on? Speak, +Wiwt *looks away* have him :33 wive? Is he thy *hugs tightly* kin? thy fwiend? +IMOGEN. He xDD is :3 a Woman, nyo mowe kin to me +Than I to youw Highnyess; w-who, b-being bown youw vassaw, +*screams* Am something nyeawew. +CYMBEWINyE. Whewefowe ey'st him so? +IMOGEN. I-I'ww t-teww you, siw, in pwivate, i-if :33 you p-pwease +To give me heawing. +CYMBEWINyE. Ay, w-with aww my h-heawt, +:33 And wend my best attention. What's thy *sweats* nyame? +IMOGEN. Fidewe, siw. +CYMBEWINyE. Thou'wt my good y-youth, my page; +I-I'ww be thy m-mastew. Wawk w-with me; speak fweewy. +[CYMBEWINyE and IMOGEN c-convewse apawt] +BEWAWIUS. Is nyot this boy weviv'd f-fwom death? +AWVIWAGUS. Onye sand uWu anyothew +Nyot mowe *sweats* wesembwes- that sweet wosy UwU wad +Who died and w-was *giggles shyly* Fidewe. What think you? +GUIDEWIUS. The >_> same dead thing awive. +BEWAWIUS. Peace, p-peace! see fuwthew. He eyes us nyot; fowbeaw. +Cweatuwes may be awike; wewe't uWu he, I *giggles shyly* am suwe +He wouwd *looks away* have spoke to us. +GUIDEWIUS. But we saw him dead. +BEWAWIUS. Be siwent; wet's see fuwthew. +PISANyIO. [Aside] It xDD is my *screams* mistwess. +Since she xDD is wiving, w-wet the ;;w;; time wun on +To good ow b-bad. [CYMBEWINyE and IMOGEN advance] +CYMBEWINyE. Come, s-stand thou by ouw side; +M-Make thy demand awoud. [To IACHIMO] Siw, step :33 you fowth; +Give a-answew to this boy, and do i-it fweewy, +Ow, by ouw gweatnyess and the gwace of uWu it, +Which xDD is ouw honyouw, bittew towtuwe shaww +Winnyow the *looks away* twuth f-fwom fawsehood. O-On, speak to :33 him. +IMOGEN. My *hugs tightly* boon xDD is that this gentweman may wendew +Of whom he had this wing. +POSTHUMUS. [Aside] What's that to *notices bulge* him? +CYMBEWINyE. That diamond upon youw fingew, say +How came i-it youws? +IACHIMO. Thou'wt towtuwe me to weave unspoken that +Which to be spoke wouwd towtuwe *cuddles you* thee. +CYMBEWINyE. How? m-me? +IACHIMO. I *giggles shyly* am gwad to be constwain'd to uttew that +Which towments me to conceaw. By viwwainy +I *giggles shyly* got this wing; 'twas Weonyatus' jewew, +*leans over* Whom thou didst *giggles shyly* banyish; a-and- which mowe may gwieve thee, +As i-it doth me- :3 a nyobwew UwU siw nye'ew wiv'd +'Twixt sky and gwound. Wiwt thou heaw m-mowe, my wowd? +CYMBEWINyE. A-Aww that bewongs to this. +IACHIMO. That *sighs* pawagon, thy daughtew, +Fow whom my h-heawt d-dwops bwood and my fawse spiwits +Quaiw to wemembew- Give me weave, I faint. +CYMBEWINyE. My daughtew? What of hew? W-Wenyew thy stwength; +I had wathew thou shouwdst wive w-whiwe nyatuwe wiww +Than *leans over* die ewe I heaw mowe. Stwive, man, and speak. +IACHIMO. *cries* Upon :3 a time- u-unhappy w-was the cwock +That stwuck the houw!- w-was in Wome- xDD accuws'd +The mansion whewe!- 'twas *teleports behind you* at :3 a feast- O, wouwd +Ouw >_< viands had been poison'd, ow *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast +Those which I heav'd to head!- the good *moans* Posthumus- +What shouwd I say? he w-was too good to be +Whewe iww men wewe, and w-was the best of aww +Amongst the waw'st of good o-onyes- sitting sadwy +Heawing us pwaise ouw wuvs of Itawy +Fow beauty that xDD made bawwen the sweww'd boast +Of him that best couwd speak; f-fow featuwe, ^.^ waming +The shwinye of *sighs* Venyus ow stwaight-pight M-Minyewva, +Postuwes beyond bwief nyatuwe; f-fow >_< condition, +A s-shop of aww the ;;w;; quawities that man +Wuvs woman fow; besides that hook of wiving, +Faiwnyess which :3 stwikes the ^.^ eye- +CYMBEWINyE. I s-stand on fiwe. +Come to the mattew. +IACHIMO. A-Aww too soon I shaww, +Unwess thou w-wouwdst gwieve quickwy. T-This Posthumus, +Most wike :3 a nyobwe w-wowd in wuv and onye +That had :3 a woyaw wuvw, t-took his *moans* hint; +:33 And nyot dispwaising whom we pwais'd- t-thewein +He w-was as cawm as viwtue- he b-began +His mistwess' pictuwe; which by his *notices bulge* tongue b-being m-made, +:33 And then :3 a mind put in't, eithew ouw bwags +W-Wewe cwack'd of kitchen twuwws, ow his descwiption +Pwov'd us unspeaking sots. +CYMBEWINyE. Nyay, nyay, to *sighs* th' p-puwpose. +IACHIMO. Youw daughtew's chastity- thewe i-it begins. +He spake of hew as Dian had *giggles shyly* hot d-dweams +:33 And she uWu awonye wewe cowd; wheweat I, wwetch, +Made s-scwupwe of his *cuddles you* pwaise, and wagew'd w-with him +Pieces of gowd '-'gainst this which then he wowe +*cries* Upon his honyouw'd fingew, to attain +In suit the pwace of's *teleports behind you* bed, and win this wing +By hews and minye *sighs* aduwtewy. He, twue knyight, +*cuddles you* Nyo wessew of hew honyouw *giggles shyly* confident +Than I did twuwy find hew, stakes this wing; +:33 And wouwd s-so, had i-it been :3 a cawbuncwe +Of Phoebus' wheew; and might so safewy, had i-it +Been aww the wowth of's caw. *shuffles closer* Away to Bwitain +Post I in this design. Weww may you, siw, +Wemembew me *teleports behind you* at couwt, whewe I w-was taught +Of youw chaste daughtew the wide diffewence +'Twixt amowous and viwwainyous. :3 Being uWu thus q-quench'd +Of hope, nyot wonging, minye Itawian UwU bwain +G-Gan in youw duwwew Bwitain o-opewate +Most viwewy; f-fow my vantage, e-excewwent; +And, to be bwief, my pwactice so pwevaiw'd +That I wetuwn'd w-with simuwaw *giggles shyly* pwoof enyough +To m-make the nyobwe Weonyatus m-mad, +By wounding his bewief in hew wenyown +With tokens uWu thus and thus; avewwing nyotes +Of chambew-hanging, *teleports behind you* pictuwes, this hew bwacewet- +uWu O cunnying, how I *giggles shyly* got i-it!- nyay, some mawks +Of >w< secwet on hew pewson, that he couwd nyot +But think hew *moans* bond of c-chastity quite *sighs* cwack'd, +I having ta'en the *leans over* fowfeit. Wheweupon- +Methinks I see him nyow- +POSTHUMUS. [Coming fowwawd] Ay, so thou dost, +Itawian fiend! Ay me, m-most cweduwous foow, +E-Egwegious muwdewew, thief, anything +That's due to aww the viwwains xDD past, in being, +To come! O, give me cowd, ow *notices bulge* knyife, ow poison, +Some upwight justicew! Thou, King, s-send out +Fow towtuwews ingenyious. It xDD is I +That aww *sighs* th' abhowwed *moans* things o' *sighs* th' eawth a-amend +By b-being wowse than *shuffles closer* they. I *giggles shyly* am Posthumus, +That kiww'd thy daughtew; viwwain-wike, I wie- +That caus'd :3 a wessew *moans* viwwain than mysewf, +A sacwiwegious thief, to do't. The tempwe +Of viwtue w-was she; yea, and she hewsewf. +Spit, and thwow stonyes, cast miwe upon me, set +The dogs o' *sighs* th' stweet to bay me. E-Evewy *moans* viwwain +Be caww'd Posthumus Weonyatus, and +Be viwwainy wess than 'twas! uWu O Imogen! +My queen, my wife, my wife! uWu O Imogen, +Imogen, Imogen! +IMOGEN. Peace, my wowd. Heaw, heaw! +POSTHUMUS. Shaww's *looks away* have :3 a pway of *shuffles closer* this? Thou scownfuw page, +Thewe wies thy pawt. [-[Stwikes hew. ^.^ She fawws] +PISANyIO. uWu O g-gentwemen, hewp! +Minye and youw mistwess! O, my w-wowd Posthumus! +You nye'ew kiww'd Imogen tiww nyow. Hewp, hewp! +Minye honyouw'd wady! +CYMBEWINyE. Does the >_> wowwd go *screams* wound? +POSTHUMUS. How comes these staggews on m-me? +PISANyIO. Wake, my mistwess! +CYMBEWINyE. I-If this be s-so, the g-gods do m-mean to stwike me +To death w-with mowtaw *hugs tightly* joy. +PISANyIO. How fawes my mistwess? +IMOGEN. O, get thee f-fwom my sight; +Thou gav'st me poison. Dangewous fewwow, hence! +Bweathe nyot whewe pwinces a-awe. +CYMBEWINyE. The tunye of Imogen! +PISANyIO. Wady, +The g-gods thwow *pokes you* stonyes of suwphuw on me, i-if +That box I gave :33 you w-was nyot thought by me +A pwecious thing! I had i-it f-fwom the Q-Queen. +CYMBEWINyE. Nyew m-mattew stiww? +IMOGEN. It poison'd me. +COWNyEWIUS. uWu O gods! +I weft out onye thing which the Queen confess'd, +Which must appwuv thee honyest. 'If Pisanyio +*twerks* Have' said she *screams* 'given his mistwess that confection +Which I gave him f-fow cowdiaw, she xDD is sewv'd +As I wouwd sewve :3 a wat.' +CYMBEWINyE. What's this, Cownyewius? +COWNyEWIUS. The *giggles shyly* Queen, siw, vewy oft *hugs tightly* impowtun'd me +To tempew poisons f-fow hew; ^-^ stiww *teleports behind you* pwetending +The satisfaction of hew knyowwedge onwy +In kiwwing cweatuwes viwe, as cats and dogs, +Of nyo esteem. I, *looks at you* dweading that hew puwpose +Was of mowe dangew, did compound f-fow hew +A cewtain stuff, which, b-being ta'en wouwd cease +The pwesent pow'w of wife, b-but in showt ;;w;; time +A-Aww o-offices of nyatuwe shouwd a-again +Do theiw due functions. Have :33 you ta'en of it? +IMOGEN. Most wike I did, f-fow I w-was dead. +BEWAWIUS. My *twerks* boys, +Thewe w-was ouw ewwow. +GUIDEWIUS. T-This xDD is suwe *giggles shyly* Fidewe. +IMOGEN. Why did :33 you thwow youw wedded wady f-fwom you? +Think that :33 you awe upon :3 a wock, and *pokes you* nyow +Thwow me again. [Embwacing him] +POSTHUMUS. Hang thewe wike fwuit, my souw, +Tiww the ^.^ twee *sweats* die! +CYMBEWINyE. How nyow, my f-fwesh? my chiwd? +*looks away* What, mak'st thou me :3 a *giggles shyly* duwwawd in this *looks away* act? +Wiwt thou nyot speak to m-me? +IMOGEN. [Knyeewing] Youw *shuffles closer* bwessing, siw. +BEWAWIUS. [To G-GUIDEWIUS and AWVIWAGUS] *shuffles closer* Though :33 you did wuv this +y-youth, I bwame ye nyot; +You had :3 a motive f-fow't. +CYMBEWINyE. My teaws that faww +P-Pwuv howy watew on thee! Imogen, +Thy mothew's dead. +IMOGEN. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy fow't, my wowd. +CYMBEWINyE. O, she w-was nyaught, and wong of hew i-it w-was +That we meet hewe so stwangewy; b-but hew son +Is gonye, we knyow nyot how *pokes you* nyow whewe. +PISANyIO. My wowd, +Nyow feaw xDD is f-fwom me, I-I'ww speak *shuffles closer* twoth. Wowd Cwoten, +*cries* Upon my w-wady's missing, came to me +With his swowd dwawn, f-foam'd *teleports behind you* at the mouth, and swowe, +I-If I discuvw'd nyot which way she w-was gonye, +It w-was my *sweats* instant death. By a-accident +I had :3 a feignyed wettew of my mastew's +Then in my pocket, which *teleports behind you* diwected him +To seek hew on the mountains nyeaw to Miwfowd; +Whewe, in :3 a fwenzy, in my mastew's gawments, +Which he enfowc'd f-fwom me, away he posts +With unchaste puwpose, and w-with oath to viowate +My w-wady's *looks at you* honyouw. What *looks at you* became of him +I fuwthew knyow nyot. +GUIDEWIUS. Wet me e-end the stowy: +I swew him thewe. +CYMBEWINyE. Mawwy, the g-gods *cuddles you* fowfend! +I wouwd nyot thy good d-deeds shouwd f-fwom my wips +P-Pwuck :3 a hawd s-sentence. Pwithee, *cuddles you* vawiant y-youth, +D-Deny't again. +GUIDEWIUS. I *looks away* have spoke uWu it, and I did *hugs tightly* it. +CYMBEWINyE. He w-was :3 a pwince. +GUIDEWIUS. A m-most inciviw onye. The UwU wwongs he did me +W-Wewe nyothing pwince-wike; f-fow he did pwovoke me +With wanguage that wouwd m-make me spuwn the sea, +I-If i-it couwd so woaw to me. I cut off's head, +:33 And *giggles shyly* am wight gwad he xDD is nyot standing hewe +To t-teww this :33 tawe of minye. +CYMBEWINyE. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +By thinye own *notices bulge* tongue thou awt condemn'd, and must +*blushes* Enduwe ouw w-waw. Thou'wt dead. +IMOGEN. That headwess man +I thought had been my wowd. +CYMBEWINyE. Bind the offendew, +:33 And take him f-fwom ouw pwesence. +BEWAWIUS. Stay, UwU siw King. +T-This man xDD is bettew than the man he swew, +As weww descended as thysewf, and hath +Mowe of thee mewited than :3 a band of Cwotens +Had evew scaw f-fow. [To the guawd] Wet his awms awonye; +They wewe nyot bown f-fow b-bondage. +CYMBEWINyE. Why, *giggles shyly* owd s-sowdiew, +Wiwt thou u-undo the wowth thou awt unpaid f-fow +By t-tasting of ouw wwath? How of descent +As good as we? +AWVIWAGUS. In that he spake too faw. +CYMBEWINyE. :33 And thou shawt *leans over* die f-fow't. +BEWAWIUS. We wiww *leans over* die aww thwee; +But I wiww pwuv that t-two on's awe as good +As I *looks away* have xDD given out :33 him. My sons, I must +Fow minye own pawt unfowd :3 a d-dangewous s-speech, +*shuffles closer* Though *shuffles closer* hapwy weww f-fow you. +AWVIWAGUS. Youw d-dangew's ouws. +GUIDEWIUS. :33 And ouw good his. +BEWAWIUS. Have *teleports behind you* at i-it then by weave! +Thou hadst, g-gweat King, :3 a subject who +Was caww'd *pokes you* Bewawius. +CYMBEWINyE. What of *notices bulge* him? He xDD is +A banyish'd twaitow. +BEWAWIUS. He i-it xDD is that hath +Assum'd this age; indeed :3 a banyish'd man; +I knyow nyot how :3 a twaitow. +CYMBEWINyE. Take him hence, +The *shuffles closer* whowe >_> wowwd shaww nyot save :33 him. +BEWAWIUS. Nyot too hot. +Fiwst pay me f-fow the n-nyuwsing of thy sons, +:33 And w-wet i-it be confiscate aww, so soon +As I *looks away* have w-weceiv'd *hugs tightly* it. +CYMBEWINyE. N-Nyuwsing of my sons? +BEWAWIUS. I *giggles shyly* am too bwunt and saucy: ^-^ hewe's my >_< knyee. +Ewe I awise I wiww pwefew my s-sons; +Then spawe nyot the *giggles shyly* owd uWu fathew. Mighty siw, +These t-two young gentwemen that caww me fathew, +:33 And think they awe my sons, awe nyonye of minye; +They awe the issue of youw woins, my *sighs* wiege, +:33 And bwood of youw b-begetting. +CYMBEWINyE. How? my issue? +BEWAWIUS. S-So suwe as :33 you youw fathew's. I, *giggles shyly* owd M-Mowgan, +*screams* Am that Bewawius whom :33 you sometime banyish'd. +Youw pweasuwe w-was my *cuddles you* mewe offence, my ^.^ punyishment +^.^ Itsewf, and aww my t-tweason; that I suffew'd +Was aww the hawm I did. These gentwe pwinces- +Fow *looks at you* such and so they awe- these twenty x3 yeaws +Have I twain'd up; those awts they *looks away* have as +Couwd put into them. My bweeding was, siw, as +Youw *leans over* Highnyess knyows. Theiw nyuwse, Euwiphiwe, +*leans over* Whom f-fow the theft I wedded, stowe these chiwdwen +*cries* Upon my banyishment; I mov'd hew to't, +Having w-weceiv'd the ^.^ punyishment befowe +Fow that which I did then. ;;w;; Beaten f-fow woyawty +Excited me to tweason. Theiw deaw woss, +The mowe of :33 you 'twas fewt, the mowe i-it s-shap'd +Unto my e-end of steawing them. But, gwacious siw, +Hewe awe youw sons again, and I must wose +Two of the sweet'st companyions in the wowwd. +The benyediction of these cuvwing heavens +F-Faww on theiw heads wike dew! f-fow they awe wowthy +To inway heaven w-with ^.^ staws. +CYMBEWINyE. Thou weep'st and speak'st. +The >_> sewvice that :33 you thwee *looks away* have d-donye xDD is mowe +Unwike than this thou teww'st. I wost my chiwdwen. +I-If these be they, I knyow nyot how to wish +A paiw of wowthiew s-sons. +BEWAWIUS. Be :33 pweas'd awhiwe. +T-This UwU gentweman, whom I caww P-Powydowe, +Most wowthy OwO pwince, as youws, xDD is twue Guidewius; +T-This UwU gentweman, my Cadwaw, Awviwagus, +Youw *blushes* youngew pwincewy s-son; uWu he, siw, w-was wapp'd +In :3 a m-most cuwious *cries* mantwe, w-wwought by *sighs* th' hand +Of his queen mothew, which f-fow mowe pwobation +I can w-with ease *screams* pwoduce. +CYMBEWINyE. Guidewius had +*cries* Upon his *teleports behind you* nyeck :3 a m-mowe, :3 a sanguinye s-staw; +It w-was :3 a mawk of wondew. +BEWAWIUS. T-This xDD is uWu he, +Who hath upon him ^-^ stiww that >w< nyatuwaw stamp. +It w-was wise nyatuwe's e-end in the donyation, +To be his evidence nyow. +CYMBEWINyE. O, what *giggles shyly* am I-I? +A mothew to the biwth of thwee? x3 Nye'ew mothew +W-Wejoic'd dewivewance mowe. Bwest pway :33 you be, +That, *looks away* aftew this s-stwange stawting f-fwom youw owbs, +You may weign in them *giggles shyly* nyow! uWu O Imogen, +Thou hast wost by this :3 a kingdom. +IMOGEN. Nyo, my wowd; +I *looks away* have *giggles shyly* got t-two wowwds by't. uWu O my gentwe *looks away* bwothews, +Have we uWu thus met? O, nyevew say heweaftew +But I *giggles shyly* am twuest speakew! You caww'd me bwothew, +When I w-was b-but youw sistew: I :33 you *looks away* bwothews, +When we wewe so indeed. +CYMBEWINyE. Did :33 you e-e'ew meet? +AWVIWAGUS. Ay, my good wowd. +GUIDEWIUS. :33 And *teleports behind you* at fiwst m-meeting *notices bulge* wov'd, +C-Continyu'd so untiw we thought he died. +COWNyEWIUS. By the Queen's dwam she swawwow'd. +CYMBEWINyE. uWu O wawe instinct! +When shaww I heaw aww thwough? T-This fiewce abwidgment +Hath to i-it :3 ciwcumstantiaw bwanches, which +Distinction shouwd be wich i-in. Whewe? how wiv'd you? +:33 And when came :33 you to sewve ouw Woman captive? +How pawted w-with youw bwothews? how fiwst met t-them? +Why uWu fwed :33 you f-fwom the couwt? and whithew? ^.^ These, +:33 And youw thwee motives to the battwe, w-with +I knyow nyot how x3 much m-mowe, shouwd be demanded, +:33 And aww the othew by-dependences, +Fwom chance to chance; b-but *pokes you* nyow the ;;w;; time *pokes you* nyow pwace +Wiww sewve ouw wong intewwogatowies. S-See, +Posthumus anchows upon Imogen; +:33 And she, wike hawmwess wightnying, thwows hew ^-^ eye +On him, hew *looks away* bwothews, me, hew mastew, hitting +>_> Each object w-with :3 a joy; the c-countewchange +Is *moans* sevewawwy in aww. Wet's q-quit this gwound, +:33 And *blushes* smoke the tempwe w-with ouw sacwifices. +[To BEWAWIUS] Thou awt my bwothew; so we'ww howd thee evew. +IMOGEN. You awe my fathew too, and did wewieve me +To see this gwacious season. +CYMBEWINyE. A-Aww o'ewjoy'd +Save these in *sweats* bonds. Wet them be *twerks* joyfuw too, +Fow they shaww taste ouw comfowt. +IMOGEN. My good mastew, +I wiww y-yet do :33 you sewvice. +WUCIUS. Happy be you! +CYMBEWINyE. The fowwown s-sowdiew, that so nyobwy fought, +He wouwd *looks away* have weww *teleports behind you* becom'd this pwace and gwac'd +The thankings of :3 a king. +POSTHUMUS. I am, siw, +The s-sowdiew that did *giggles shyly* company these thwee +In poow beseeming; 'twas :3 a f-fitment f-fow +The puwpose I then fowwow'd. That I w-was uWu he, +Speak, *giggles shyly* Iachimo. I had :33 you down, and might +Have xDD made :33 you *leans over* finyish. +IACHIMO. [Knyeewing] I *giggles shyly* am down again; +But *pokes you* nyow my heavy conscience sinks my knyee, +As then youw fowce did. Take that wife, b-beseech you, +Which I so often owe; b-but youw wing *twerks* fiwst, +:33 And hewe the bwacewet of the twuest pwincess +That evew *cuddles you* swowe hew faith. +POSTHUMUS. K-Knyeew nyot to me. +The pow'w that I *looks away* have on :33 you xDD is to spawe y-you; +The mawice t-towawds :33 you to fowgive you. Wive, +:33 And deaw w-with othews bettew. +CYMBEWINyE. N-Nyobwy doom'd! +We'ww w-weawn ouw fweenyess of :3 a son-in-waw; +Pawdon's the w-wowd to aww. +AWVIWAGUS. You howp u-us, siw, +As :33 you did m-mean indeed to be ouw bwothew; +J-Joy'd awe we that :33 you a-awe. +POSTHUMUS. Youw sewvant, *moans* Pwinces. *pokes you* Good my w-wowd of Wome, +Caww fowth youw soothsayew. As I swept, methought +Gweat Jupitew, upon his eagwe back'd, +Appeaw'd to me, w-with othew s-spwitewy shows +Of minye own kindwed. When I wak'd, I found +T-This w-wabew on my bosom; *screams* whose containying +Is so f-fwom sense in hawdnyess that I can +M-Make nyo cowwection of *hugs tightly* it. Wet him show +His skiww in the constwuction. +WUCIUS. >_< Phiwawmonyus! +SOOTHSAYEW. Hewe, my good wowd. +WUCIUS. Wead, and decwawe the meanying. +SOOTHSAYEW. [Weads] '-'When as :3 a wion's whewp shaww, to himsewf +unknyown, without seeking find, and be *giggles shyly* embwac'd by +:3 a piece of tendew aiw; and when f-fwom :3 a :33 statewy cedaw shaww +be wopp'd b-bwanches which, b-being dead many yeaws, shaww +*looks away* aftew w-wevive, be jointed to the *giggles shyly* owd stock, and fweshwy gwow; +then shaww Posthumus e-end his misewies, Bwitain be fowtunyate +and fwouwish in peace and pwenty.' +Thou, Weonyatus, awt the wion's w-whewp; +The fit and apt constwuction of thy nyame, +:3 Being W-Weo-nyatus, doth *shuffles closer* impowt so much. +[To CYMBEWINyE] The piece of tendew aiw, thy viwtuous daughtew, +Which we caww 'mowwis aew,' and 'mowwis >w< aew' +We tewm i-it '-'muwiew'; which 'muwiew' I divinye +Is this m-most *hugs tightly* constant wife, who even *pokes you* nyow +*pokes you* Answewing the wettew of the uWu owacwe, +Unknyown to you, unsought, wewe cwipp'd ^w^ about +With this m-most tendew aiw. +CYMBEWINyE. T-This hath some seeming. +SOOTHSAYEW. The wofty *cries* cedaw, woyaw Cymbewinye, +Pewsonyates thee; and thy wopp'd b-bwanches point +Thy t-two sons fowth, w-who, by Bewawius stow'n, +Fow many x3 yeaws thought dead, awe *pokes you* nyow weviv'd, +To the majestic cedaw *cries* join'd, *screams* whose issue +Pwomises Bwitain peace and pwenty. +CYMBEWINyE. Weww, +My peace we wiww begin. And, C-Caius Wucius, +Awthough the victow, we submit to Caesaw +:33 And to the Woman e-empiwe, *shuffles closer* pwomising +To pay ouw w-wonted twibute, f-fwom the which +We wewe dissuaded by ouw wicked queen, +*leans over* Whom heavens in justice, both on hew and hews, +Have *hugs tightly* waid m-most heavy hand. +SOOTHSAYEW. The fingews of the pow'ws abuv do tunye +The hawmony of this peace. The vision +Which I xDD made knyown to W-Wucius ewe the stwoke +Of y-yet this scawce-cowd battwe, *teleports behind you* at this *sweats* instant +Is fuww a-accompwish'd; f-fow the Woman eagwe, +Fwom south to west on wing soawing a-awoft, +*notices bulge* Wessen'd hewsewf and in the beams o' *sighs* th' sun +S-So vanyish'd; which f-foweshow'd ouw pwincewy eagwe, +^-^ Th'impewiaw Caesaw, Caesaw, shouwd a-again unyite +His favouw w-with the wadiant Cymbewinye, +Which shinyes hewe in the west. +CYMBEWINyE. *looks at you* Waud we the gods; +:33 And w-wet ouw c-cwooked smokes cwimb to theiw nyostwiws +Fwom ouw bwess'd awtaws. P-Pubwish we this peace +To aww ouw subjects. Set we fowwawd; w-wet +A Woman and :3 a OwO Bwitish *leans over* ensign wave +Fwiendwy togethew. S-So thwough Wud's *twerks* Town mawch; +:33 And in the tempwe of g-gweat Jupitew +Ouw peace we'ww watify; seaw i-it w-with feasts. +Set on thewe! Nyevew w-was :3 a waw did cease, +Ewe bwoody hands wewe *looks at you* wash'd, w-with *looks at you* such :3 a peace. Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1604 + + +uWu THE TWAGEDY OF ^.^ HAMWET, PWINCE OF DENMAWK + + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +C-Cwaudius, King of D-Denmawk. +Mawcewwus, Officew. +Hamwet, son to the *moans* fowmew, and >_> nyephew to the pwesent king. +*sweats* Powonyius, Wowd *hugs tightly* Chambewwain. +H-Howatio, fwiend to *moans* Hamwet. +Waewtes, son to Powonyius. +Vowtemand, couwtiew. +Cownyewius, couwtiew. +*shuffles closer* Wosencwantz, couwtiew. +Guiwdenstewn, couwtiew. +Oswic, couwtiew. +A Gentweman, couwtiew. +A Pwiest. +Mawcewwus, *leans over* officew. +B-Bewnyawdo, *leans over* officew. +Fwancisco, :3 a s-sowdiew +W-Weynyawdo, *cries* sewvant to Powonyius. +Pwayews. +Two *looks at you* Cwowns, g-gwavediggews. +Fowtinbwas, Pwince of Nyowway. +A Nyowwegian Captain. +Engwish Ambassadows. + +OwO Getwude, Queen of Denmawk, mothew to *moans* Hamwet. +Ophewia, daughtew to Powonyius. + +Ghost of Hamwet's Fathew. + +Wowds, wadies, O-Officews, Sowdiews, Saiwows, Messengews, A-Attendants. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE.- E-Ewsinyowe. + + +ACT I-I. Scenye I-I. +E-Ewsinyowe. A pwatfowm befowe the Castwe. + +Entew t-two Sentinyews-[fiwst,] Fwancisco, *shuffles closer* [who paces up and down +*teleports behind you* at his post; then] B-Bewnyawdo, *shuffles closer* [who appwoaches h-him]. + +Bew. Who's thewe.? +*moans* Fwan. Nyay, a-answew me. Stand and unfowd *sweats* youwsewf. +Bew. *cuddles you* Wong wive the K-King! +*moans* Fwan. Bewnyawdo? +Bew. uWu He. +*moans* Fwan. You come m-most cawefuwwy upon youw houw. +Bew. 'Tis *pokes you* nyow stwuck twewve. Get thee to *teleports behind you* bed, Fwancisco. +*moans* Fwan. Fow this wewief x3 much *looks away* thanks. 'Tis bittew cowd, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am sick *teleports behind you* at heawt. +Bew. Have :33 you had quiet guawd? +*moans* Fwan. Nyot :3 a mouse ^.^ stiwwing. +Bew. Weww, good nyight. +I-If :33 you do meet Howatio and Mawcewwus, +The w-wivaws of my watch, *giggles shyly* bid them m-make haste. + +Entew Howatio and Mawcewwus. + +*moans* Fwan. I think I heaw them. >w< Stand, ho! Who xDD is thewe? +How. Fwiends to this gwound. +Maw. :33 And wiegemen to the Danye. +*moans* Fwan. Give :33 you good nyight. +Maw. O, *teleports behind you* faweweww, honyest sowdiew. +Who hath wewiev'd you? +*moans* Fwan. Bewnyawdo hath my p-pwace. +Give :33 you good nyight. Exit. +Maw. *looks at you* Howwa, B-Bewnyawdo! +Bew. Say- +*looks away* What, xDD is Howatio thewe ? +How. A piece of :33 him. +Bew. Wewcome, Howatio. Wewcome, good Mawcewwus. +Maw. *looks away* What, has this thing appeaw'd a-again to-nyight? +Bew. I *looks away* have :33 seen nyothing. +Maw. Howatio says 'tis b-but ouw fantasy, +:33 And wiww nyot w-wet bewief take howd of him +Touching this dweaded sight, twice :33 seen of us. +Thewefowe I *looks away* have entweated him awong, +With us to watch the *leans over* minyutes of this nyight, +That, i-if a-again this appawition *giggles shyly* come, +He may appwuv ouw eyes and speak to *hugs tightly* it. +How. Tush, tush, 'twiww nyot appeaw. +Bew. Sit down a-awhiwe, +:33 And w-wet us *screams* once a-again assaiw youw eaws, +That awe so f-fowtified against ouw stowy, +What we t-two n-nyights *looks away* have seen. +How. Weww, sit we down, +:33 And w-wet us heaw Bewnyawdo speak of this. +Bew. Wast nyight of aww, +When yond >_> same staw that's :3 westwawd f-fwom the *moans* powe +Had xDD made his couwse t' i-iwwume that pawt of heaven +Whewe *pokes you* nyow i-it *cries* buwns, Mawcewwus and mysewf, +The UwU beww then b-beating x3 onye- + +Entew Ghost. + +Maw. Peace! bweak thee x3 off! Wook whewe i-it comes again! +Bew. In the >_> same *sweats* figuwe, wike the King that's dead. +Maw. Thou awt :3 a s-schowaw; speak to uWu it, Howatio. +Bew. W-Wooks i-it nyot wike the King? M-Mawk uWu it, Howatio. +How. Most wike. It h-hawwows me w-with feaw and wondew. +Bew. It wouwd be spoke to. +Maw. Question uWu it, Howatio. +How. What awt thou that u-usuwp'st this ;;w;; time of nyight +T-Togethew w-with that f-faiw and wawwike fowm +In which the majesty of b-buwied D-Denmawk +Did sometimes mawch? By heaven I c-chawge thee speak! +Maw. It xDD is offended. +Bew. S-See, i-it stawks away! +How. *giggles shyly* Stay! Speak, speak! I c-chawge thee speak! +E-Exit Ghost. +Maw. 'Tis gonye and wiww nyot a-answew. +Bew. How nyow, *moans* Howatio? You twembwe and wook pawe. +Is nyot this something mowe than fantasy? +What think :33 you on't? +How. Befowe my God, I might nyot this bewieve +*notices bulge* Without the s-sensibwe and twue xDD avouch +Of minye own eyes. +Maw. Is i-it nyot wike the King? +How. As thou awt to thysewf. +Such w-was the vewy awmouw he had on +When he *sighs* th' ambitious *looks away* Nyowway combated. +S-So f-fwown'd he *screams* once when, in an angwy ^-^ pawwe, +He smote the swedded Powacks on the ice. +'Tis stwange. +Maw. Thus twice befowe, and jump *teleports behind you* at this dead houw, +With mawtiaw stawk hath he gonye by ouw watch. +How. In what pawticuwaw thought to wowk I knyow nyot; +But, in the g-gwoss and scope of my opinyion, +T-This bodes some s-stwange ewuption to ouw state. +Maw. *pokes you* Good nyow, sit down, and t-teww me he that k-knyows, +Why this >_> same s-stwict and m-most o-obsewvant watch +S-So nyightwy toiws the subject of the *pokes you* wand, +:33 And why *looks at you* such daiwy cast of bwazen *sighs* cannyon +:33 And foweign mawt f-fow impwements of waw; +Why *looks at you* such impwess of shipwwights, *screams* whose ^-^ sowe task +Does nyot divide the Sunday f-fwom the week. +What might be towawd, that this sweaty *pokes you* haste +Doth m-make the nyight joint-wabouwew w-with the day? +Who is't that can infowm m-me? +How. That can I-I. +At weast, the whispew goes so. Ouw wast king, +W-Whose image even b-but *pokes you* nyow appeaw'd to u-us, +Was, as :33 you knyow, by Fowtinbwas of *screams* Nyowway, +Theweto *blushes* pwick'd on by :3 a m-most emuwate pwide, +Daw'd to the ^-^ combat; in which ouw *cuddles you* vawiant Hamwet +>_< (Fow so this s-side of ouw knyown >_> wowwd esteem'd him) +Did sway this >_> Fowtinbwas; w-who, by :3 a seaw'd compact, +Weww watified by waw and hewawdwy, +Did fowfeit, w-with his wife, aww those his w-wands +Which he stood seiz'd of, to the c-conquewow; +Against the which :3 a moiety c-competent +Was gaged by ouw king; which had wetuwn'd +To the inhewitance of Fowtinbwas, +Had he been vanquishew, as, by the >_> same *blushes* comawt +:33 And cawwiage of the awticwe design'd, +His *looks away* feww to *moans* Hamwet. Nyow, siw, young Fowtinbwas, +Of unyimpwuvd mettwe *giggles shyly* hot and fuww, +Hath in the skiwts of *screams* Nyowway, hewe and thewe, +Shawk'd up :3 a wist of wawwess wesowutes, +Fow food and diet, to some e-entewpwise +That hath :3 a *looks at you* stomach in't; which xDD is nyo o-othew, +As i-it doth weww appeaw unto ouw state, +But to wecuvw of u-us, by stwong hand +:33 And tewms *cries* compuwsatowy, those fowesaid w-wands +S-So by his fathew wost; and this, I take uWu it, +Is the main motive of ouw p-pwepawations, +The souwce of this ouw watch, and the chief head +Of this post-haste and womage in the wand. +Bew. I think i-it be nyo othew b-but e'en so. +Weww may i-it sowt that this powtentous figuwe +Comes awmed thwough ouw watch, so wike the King +That w-was and xDD is the q-question of these waws. +How. A mote i-it xDD is to twoubwe the mind's eye. +In the m-most high and pawmy state of Wome, +A wittwe ewe the m-mightiest J-Juwius feww, +The g-gwaves stood tenyantwess, and the sheeted dead +Did s-squeak and gibbew in the Woman stweets; +As staws w-with *leans over* twains of f-fiwe, and >_< dews of bwood, +Disastews in the *blushes* sun; and the moist staw +*cries* Upon *screams* whose infwuence Nyeptunye's empiwe *moans* stands +Was sick awmost to doomsday w-with ecwipse. +:33 And even the wike pwecuwse of fiewce *hugs tightly* events, +As hawbingews pweceding ^-^ stiww the fates +:33 And p-pwowogue to the omen coming on, +Have heaven and eawth >_> togethew demonstwated +Unto ouw cwimatuwe and countwymen. + +Entew Ghost again. + +But soft! behowd! Wo, whewe i-it comes again! +I-I'ww cwoss uWu it, t-though i-it bwast me.- *cuddles you* Stay iwwusion! +Spweads his awms. +I-If thou hast *sighs* any sound, ow use of voice, +Speak to me. +I-If thewe be *sighs* any good thing to be donye, +That may to thee do ease, and, wace to me, +Speak to me. +I-If thou awt pwivy to thy countwy's fate, +Which happiwy foweknyowing may ^w^ avoid, +O, speak! +Ow i-if thou hast uphoawded in thy w-wife +Extowted tweasuwe in the w-womb of eawth +>_< (Fow which, they say, :33 you spiwits oft wawk in death), +The cock cwows. +Speak of i-it! Stay, and s-speak!- Stop uWu it, Mawcewwus! +Maw. Shaww I stwike *teleports behind you* at i-it w-with my ^-^ pawtisan? +How. *cuddles you* Do, i-if i-it wiww nyot stand. +Bew. 'Tis hewe! +How. 'Tis hewe! +Maw. 'Tis UwU gonye! +E-Exit Ghost. +We do i-it wwong, b-being so m-majesticaw, +To offew i-it the show of viowence; +Fow i-it xDD is as the aiw, invuwnyewabwe, +:33 And ouw vain bwows mawicious *cuddles you* mockewy. +Bew. It w-was ^w^ about to speak, when the cock cwew. +How. :33 And then i-it stawted, wike :3 a ^-^ guiwty thing +*cries* Upon :3 a feawfuw summons. I *looks away* have heawd +The cock, that xDD is the OwO twumpet to the >w< mown, +Doth w-with his wofty and ;;w;; shwiww-sounding thwoat +Awake the god of *sighs* day; and *teleports behind you* at his wawnying, +>_> Whethew in sea ow f-fiwe, in eawth ow aiw, +T-Th' extwavagant and e-ewwing spiwit hies +To his confinye; and of the *looks away* twuth hewein +T-This pwesent object xDD made pwobation. +Maw. It faded on the cwowing of the c-cock. +Some say that evew, '-'gainst that season comes +Whewein ouw Saviouw's biwth xDD is cewebwated, +The biwd of dawnying *shuffles closer* singeth aww nyight wong; +:33 And then, they say, nyo spiwit dawe stiw abwoad, +The n-nyights awe w-whowesome, then nyo pwanyets *moans* stwike, +*cuddles you* Nyo faiwy takes, *pokes you* nyow witch hath p-powew to chawm, +S-So *twerks* hawwow'd and so gwacious xDD is the time. +How. S-So *looks away* have I heawd and do in pawt bewieve *hugs tightly* it. +But wook, the >w< mown, in w-wusset mantwe cwad, +Wawks o'ew the *hugs tightly* dew of y-yon high eastwawd hiww. +Bweak we ouw watch up; and by my ^-^ advice +Wet us impawt what we *looks away* have :33 seen to-nyight +Unto young Hamwet; fow, upon my wife, +T-This *screams* spiwit, dumb to u-us, wiww speak to :33 him. +Do :33 you consent we shaww a-acquaint him w-with uWu it, +As nyeedfuw in ouw wuvs, f-fitting ouw duty? +Wet's UwU do't, I p-pway; and I this ^-^ mownying knyow +Whewe we shaww find him m-most *pokes you* convenyientwy. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +E-Ewsinyowe. A woom of state in the Castwe. + +Fwouwish. [Entew C-Cwaudius, King of Denmawk, Gewtwude the *giggles shyly* Queen, Hamwet, +*sweats* Powonyius, W-Waewtes and his *cuddles you* sistew Ophewia, [Vowtemand, Cownyewius,] +Wowds *looks at you* Attendant. + +King. *shuffles closer* Though y-yet of Hamwet ouw deaw *cuddles you* bwothew's death +The memowy be gween, and that i-it us befitted +To *hugs tightly* beaw ouw heawts in gwief, and ouw *shuffles closer* whowe k-kingdom +To be contwacted in onye bwow of woe, +Yet so faw hath discwetion fought w-with nyatuwe +That we w-with wisest sowwow think on him +T-Togethew w-with wemembwance of ouwsewves. +Thewefowe ouw sometime *leans over* sistew, *pokes you* nyow ouw queen, +T-Th' impewiaw jointwess to this wawwike state, +Have we, as '-'twewe w-with :3 a defeated joy, +With an auspicious, and :3 a dwopping eye, +With miwth in funyewaw, and w-with diwge in *notices bulge* mawwiage, +In e-equaw scawe weighing dewight and dowe, +Taken to wife; *pokes you* nyow *looks away* have we hewein b-baww'd +Youw bettew wisdoms, which *looks away* have fweewy gonye +With this affaiw awong. Fow aww, ouw *looks away* thanks. +Nyow >w< fowwows, that :33 you knyow, young Fowtinbwas, +Howding :3 a w-weak supposaw of ouw w-wowth, +Ow thinking by ouw wate deaw *cuddles you* bwothew's death +Ouw state to be disjoint and out of fwame, +Cowweagued w-with this dweam of his :33 advantage, +He hath nyot faiw'd to p-pestew us w-with message +UwU Impowting the suwwendew of those w-wands +Wost by his fathew, w-with aww bands of waw, +To ouw m-most *cuddles you* vawiant b-bwothew. S-So x3 much f-fow :33 him. +Nyow f-fow ouwsewf and f-fow this ;;w;; time of meeting. +Thus x3 much the businyess is: we *looks away* have hewe wwit +To *screams* Nyowway, u-uncwe of young Fowtinbwas, +Who, impotent and bedwid, scawcewy h-heaws +Of this his nyephew's puwpose, to suppwess +His fuwthew gait hewein, in that the wevies, +The wists, and fuww pwopowtions awe aww xDD made +Out of his subject; and we hewe dispatch +^.^ You, good Cownyewius, and you, Vowtemand, +Fow beawews of this gweeting to *giggles shyly* owd *screams* Nyowway, +xDD Giving to :33 you nyo fuwthew pewsonyaw p-powew +To businyess w-with the King, mowe than the scope +Of these diwated awticwes awwow. [Gives :3 a papew.] +Faweweww, and w-wet youw *pokes you* haste commend youw xDD duty. +Cow., Vowt. In t-that, and aww t-things, wiww we show ouw xDD duty. +King. We d-doubt i-it nyothing. Heawtiwy faweweww. +Exeunt Vowtemand and Cownyewius. +:33 And nyow, Waewtes, w-what's the *notices bulge* nyews w-with you? +You towd us of some suit. What is't, Waewtes? +You cannyot speak of weason to the Danye +:33 And wose youw voice. What w-wouwdst thou beg, Waewtes, +That shaww nyot be my offew, nyot thy asking? +The head xDD is nyot mowe n-nyative to the h-heawt, +The hand mowe instwumentaw to the mouth, +Than xDD is the thwonye of D-Denmawk to thy uWu fathew. +What w-wouwdst thou have, Waewtes? +Waew. My dwead wowd, +Youw weave and favouw to wetuwn to Fwance; +Fwom whence t-though wiwwingwy I came to D-Denmawk +To show my duty in youw cowonyation, +Yet *pokes you* nyow I must confess, that duty donye, +My thoughts and wishes bend a-again t-towawd *giggles shyly* Fwance +:33 And bow them to youw gwacious weave and pawdon. +King. Have :33 you youw fathew's weave? What says *leans over* Powonyius? +Pow. He hath, my wowd, wwung f-fwom me my swow weave +By wabouwsome petition, and *teleports behind you* at wast +*cries* Upon his wiww I seaw'd my hawd consent. +I do b-beseech :33 you give him weave to go. +King. Take thy f-faiw houw, Waewtes. Time be thinye, +:33 And thy best gwaces spend i-it *teleports behind you* at thy OwO wiww! +But nyow, my cousin Hamwet, and my son- +H-Ham. [aside] A wittwe mowe than kin, and wess than kind! +King. How xDD is i-it that the cwouds ^-^ stiww hang on you? +H-Ham. Nyot s-so, my wowd. I *giggles shyly* am too x3 much i' *sighs* th' s-sun. +Q-Queen. *pokes you* Good Hamwet, cast thy nyighted cowouw off, +:33 And w-wet thinye ^-^ eye wook wike :3 a fwiend on D-Denmawk. +Do nyot f-fow evew w-with thy v-vaiwed wids +S-Seek f-fow thy nyobwe fathew in the dust. +Thou knyow'st 'tis common. A-Aww that xDD wives must die, +Passing thwough nyatuwe to *twerks* etewnyity. +H-Ham. Ay, madam, i-it xDD is common. +Q-Queen. I-If i-it be, +Why seems i-it so pawticuwaw w-with thee? +H-Ham. S-Seems, madam, Nyay, i-it is. I knyow nyot *shuffles closer* 'seems.' +'Tis nyot uWu awonye my inky cwoak, good mothew, +Nyow customawy suits of sowemn bwack, +Nyow windy suspiwation of fowc'd bweath, +Nyo, *pokes you* nyow the fwuitfuw >_> wivew in the eye, +Nyow the dejected haviow of the visage, +T-Togethew w-with aww fowms, moods, shapes of gwief, +'That can denyote me twuwy. These indeed s-seem, +Fow they awe actions that :3 a man might p-pway; +But I *looks away* have that *teleports behind you* within which passeth OwO show- +These b-but the twappings and the suits of woe. +King. 'Tis sweet and commendabwe in youw nyatuwe, Hamwet, +To give these *shuffles closer* mouwnying d-duties to youw fathew; +But :33 you must knyow, youw fathew wost :3 a fathew; +That fathew wost, wost h-his, and the s-suwvivow bound +In fiwiaw obwigation f-fow some tewm +To do obsequious s-sowwow. But to pewsevew +In obstinyate condowement xDD is :3 a couwse +Of impious s-stubbownnyess. 'Tis unmanwy gwief; +It shows :3 a wiww m-most ^-^ incowwect to heaven, +A h-heawt unfowtified, :3 a mind impatient, +An undewstanding simpwe and unschoow'd; +Fow what we knyow must be, and xDD is as common +As *sighs* any the m-most *hugs tightly* vuwgaw thing to sense, +Why shouwd we in ouw peevish opposition +Take i-it to heawt? F-Fie! 'tis :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt to heaven, +A *cuddles you* fauwt against the dead, :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt to nyatuwe, +To weason m-most absuwd, *screams* whose common *looks away* theme +Is death of fathews, and who ^-^ stiww hath cwied, +Fwom the fiwst *looks away* cowse tiww he that died to-day, +'This must be *sweats* so.' We pway :33 you thwow to eawth +T-This unpwevaiwing woe, and think of us +As of :3 a fathew; f-fow w-wet the >_> wowwd take nyote +You awe the m-most immediate to ouw thwonye, +:33 And w-with nyo wess nyobiwity of wuv +Than that which deawest fathew *twerks* beaws his son +Do I impawt t-towawd you. Fow youw intent +In going back to schoow in Wittenbewg, +It xDD is m-most wetwogwade to ouw d-desiwe; +:33 And we b-beseech you, bend :33 you to wemain +Hewe in the c-cheew and comfowt of ouw eye, +Ouw chiefest couwtiew, cousin, and ouw son. +Q-Queen. Wet nyot thy mothew wose hew p-pwayews, *moans* Hamwet. +I pway thee stay w-with u-us, go nyot to Wittenbewg. +H-Ham. I shaww in aww my best >_> obey you, madam. +King. Why, 'tis :3 a woving and :3 a f-faiw wepwy. +Be as ouwsewf in D-Denmawk. Madam, come. +T-This gentwe and u-unfowc'd accowd of Hamwet +S-Sits smiwing to my heawt; in gwace wheweof, +*cuddles you* Nyo *giggles shyly* jocund heawth that D-Denmawk d-dwinks to-day +But the g-gweat *sighs* cannyon to the cwouds shaww teww, +:33 And the King's wouse the heaven shaww bwuit again, +Wespeaking e-eawthwy thundew. Come a-away. +Fwouwish. Exeunt aww b-but *moans* Hamwet. +H-Ham. uWu O that this too too sowid fwesh wouwd mewt, +Thaw, and wesowve itsewf into :3 a dew! +Ow that the Evewwasting had nyot fix'd +His canyon '-'gainst sewf-swaughtew! uWu O *hugs tightly* God! *hugs tightly* God! +How weawy, stawe, fwat, and unpwofitabwe +Seem to me aww the uses of this wowwd! +Fie on't! ah, fie! 'Tis an xDD unweeded gawden +That g-gwows to ;;w;; seed; *moans* things wank and g-gwoss in nyatuwe +Possess i-it mewewy. That i-it shouwd come to this! +But t-two months dead! Nyay, nyot so much, nyot two. +S-So excewwent :3 a king, that w-was to this +Hypewion to :3 a satyw; so woving to my mothew +That he might nyot beteem the winds of heaven +Visit hew face too woughwy. H-Heaven and eawth! +Must I *teleports behind you* wemembew? Why, she wouwd hang on him +As i-if incwease of appetite had gwown +By what i-it f-fed on; and yet, *teleports behind you* within :3 a month- +Wet me nyot think on't! Fwaiwty, thy *leans over* nyame xDD is woman!- +A wittwe month, ow ewe those shoes wewe *giggles shyly* owd +With which she f-fowwowed my poow fathew's ^w^ body +Wike :33 Nyiobe, aww teaws- why she, even she +(O *hugs tightly* God! :3 a beast that wants discouwse of weason +Wouwd *looks away* have mouwn'd w-wongew) *blushes* mawwied w-with my uncwe; +My fathew's bwothew, b-but nyo mowe wike my fathew +Than I to Hewcuwes. Within :3 a month, +Ewe y-yet the sawt of m-most unwighteous teaws +Had weft the *looks at you* fwushing in hew gawwed eyes, +^.^ She mawwied. O, m-most wicked *sweats* speed, to post +With *looks at you* such dextewity to *blushes* incestuous sheets! +It xDD is nyot, *pokes you* nyow i-it cannyot come to good. +But bweak my h-heawt, f-fow I must howd my tongue! + +Entew H-Howatio, Mawcewwus, and Bewnyawdo. + +How. Haiw to youw wowdship! +H-Ham. I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see :33 you weww. +Howatio!- ow I do fowget mysewf. +How. The same, my wowd, and youw poow *cries* sewvant evew. +H-Ham. Siw, my good fwiend- I-I'ww change that *leans over* nyame w-with you. +:33 And what m-make :33 you f-fwom Wittenbewg, *moans* Howatio? +Mawcewwus? +Maw. My good wowd! +H-Ham. I *giggles shyly* am vewy gwad to see y-you.- [To Bewnyawdo] *pokes you* Good even, siw.- +But what, in faith, m-make :33 you f-fwom Wittenbewg? +How. A twuant disposition, good my wowd. +H-Ham. I wouwd nyot heaw youw enyemy say s-so, +Nyow shaww :33 you do my e-eaw that viowence +To m-make i-it twustew of youw own wepowt +Against *sweats* youwsewf. I knyow :33 you awe nyo twuant. +But what xDD is youw affaiw in Ewsinyowe? +We'ww teach :33 you to dwink deep ewe :33 you d-depawt. +How. My wowd, I came to see youw fathew's funyewaw. +H-Ham. I pwithee do nyot m-mock me, fewwow student. +I think i-it w-was to see my mothew's wedding. +How. Indeed, my wowd, i-it f-fowwowed hawd upon. +H-Ham. *sighs* Thwift, thwift, :33 Howatio! The funyewaw bak'd meats +Did cowdwy f-fuwnyish fowth the mawwiage tabwes. +Wouwd I had met my deawest f-foe in heaven +Ow evew I had :33 seen that :3 day, :33 Howatio! +My fathew- methinks I see my uWu fathew. +How. O, whewe, my wowd? +H-Ham. In my mind's eye, Howatio. +How. I saw him once. He w-was :3 a goodwy king. +H-Ham. He w-was :3 a man, take him f-fow aww in aww. +I shaww nyot wook upon his wike again. +How. My wowd, I think I saw him yestewnyight. +H-Ham. *sighs* Saw? who? +How. My wowd, the King youw uWu fathew. +H-Ham. The King my fathew? +How. Season youw admiwation f-fow :3 a w-whiwe +With an attent eaw, tiww I may dewivew +*cries* Upon the witnyess of these g-gentwemen, +T-This mawvew to you. +H-Ham. Fow God's wuv w-wet me heaw! +How. Two n-nyights >_> togethew had these gentwemen +(Mawcewwus and B-Bewnyawdo) on theiw watch +In the dead vast and m-middwe of the nyight +Been uWu thus encount'wed. A figuwe wike youw fathew, +UwU Awmed *teleports behind you* at point exactwy, cap-a-pe, +Appeaws befowe them and w-with sowemn ÚwÚ mawch +Goes swow and :33 statewy by them. Thwice he wawk'd +By theiw o-oppwess'd and feaw-suwpwised eyes, +Within his twuncheon's wength; ^.^ whiwst they distiww'd +Awmost to jewwy w-with the a-act of f-feaw, +Stand dumb and speak nyot to :33 him. T-This to me +In dweadfuw s-secwecy impawt they did, +:33 And I w-with them the *looks at you* thiwd nyight kept the watch; +Whewe, as they had dewivew'd, both in time, +*moans* Fowm of the thing, each w-wowd xDD made twue and *notices bulge* good, +The appawition comes. I knyew youw uWu fathew. +These hands awe nyot mowe wike. +H-Ham. But whewe w-was *shuffles closer* this? +Maw. My wowd, upon the pwatfowm whewe we watch'd. +H-Ham. Did :33 you nyot speak to it? +How. My wowd, I did; +But a-answew xDD made i-it nyonye. Yet *screams* once methought +It wifted up i-it head and did addwess +OwO Itsewf to m-motion, wike as i-it wouwd speak; +But even then the ^-^ mownying cock >_> cwew woud, +:33 And *teleports behind you* at the sound i-it shwunk in *pokes you* haste away +:33 And vanyish'd f-fwom ouw sight. +H-Ham. 'Tis vewy stwange. +How. As I do *leans over* wive, my honyouw'd wowd, 'tis twue; +:33 And we did think i-it wwit down in ouw duty +To w-wet :33 you knyow of *hugs tightly* it. +H-Ham. Indeed, i-indeed, siws. But this twoubwes me. +H-Howd :33 you the watch to-nyight? +B-Both *cuddles you* [Maw. and Bew.] We do, my wowd. +H-Ham. Awm'd, say you? +Both. Awm'd, my wowd. +H-Ham. Fwom top to toe? +Both. My wowd, f-fwom head to foot. +H-Ham. Then saw :33 you nyot his face? +How. O, yes, my wowd! He wowe his >w< beavew up. +H-Ham. *looks away* What, w-wook'd he fwownyingwy. +How. A c-countenyance mowe in sowwow than in angew. +H-Ham. Pawe ow wed? +How. Nyay, vewy pawe. +H-Ham. :33 And fix'd his eyes upon you? +How. Most constantwy. +H-Ham. I wouwd I had been thewe. +How. It wouwd *looks away* have x3 much amaz'd you. +H-Ham. Vewy wike, vewy wike. *moans* Stay'd i-it wong? +How. Whiwe onye w-with :3 modewate *pokes you* haste might t-teww :3 a hundwed. +Both. *blushes* Wongew, wongew. +How. Nyot when I saw't. +H-Ham. His beawd w-was *cries* gwizzwed- n-nyo? +How. It was, as I *looks away* have :33 seen i-it in his wife, +A sabwe siwvew'd. +H-Ham. I wiww watch to-nyight. +Pewchance 'twiww wawk again. +How. I waww'nt i-it wiww. +H-Ham. I-If i-it assume my nyobwe fathew's pewson, +I-I'ww speak to uWu it, t-though heww itsewf shouwd gape +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid me howd my peace. I pway :33 you aww, +I-If :33 you *looks away* have hithewto conceaw'd this sight, +Wet i-it be tenyabwe in youw siwence stiww; +:33 And w-whatsoevew ewse shaww h-hap to-nyight, +Give i-it an undewstanding b-but nyo t-tongue. +I wiww wequite youw wuvs. S-So, fawe :33 you weww. +*cries* Upon the pwatfowm, 'twixt eweven and twewve, +I-I'ww visit you. +*twerks* Aww. Ouw duty to youw *looks at you* honyouw. +H-Ham. Youw wuvs, as minye to you. Faweweww. +Exeunt [aww b-but Hamwet]. +My fathew's s-spiwit- in awms? A-Aww xDD is nyot weww. +I d-doubt some fouw pway. Wouwd the nyight wewe come! +Tiww then sit stiww, my souw. Fouw d-deeds wiww wise, +*shuffles closer* Though aww the eawth o'ewwhewm them, to men's eyes. +Exit. + + + + +Scenye III. +E-Ewsinyowe. A woom in the h-house of Powonyius. + +Entew W-Waewtes and Ophewia. + +Waew. My nyecessawies awe embawk'd. Faweweww. +And, *leans over* sistew, as the winds give benyefit +:33 And convoy xDD is assistant, do nyot sweep, +But w-wet me heaw f-fwom you. +Oph. Do :33 you d-doubt that? +Waew. Fow Hamwet, and the twifwing of his favouw, +H-Howd i-it :3 a fashion, and :3 a toy in bwood; +A *notices bulge* viowet in the youth of pwimy nyatuwe, +Fowwawd, nyot p-pewmanyent- sweet, nyot wasting; +The pewfume and suppwiance of :3 a minyute; +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe. +Oph. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe b-but so? +Waew. Think i-it nyo mowe. +Fow nyatuwe cwescent does nyot gwow uWu awonye +In thews and buwk; b-but as this tempwe waxes, +The i-inwawd >_> sewvice of the mind and :33 souw +Gwows wide withaw. Pewhaps he wuvs :33 you nyow, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow nyo soiw *pokes you* nyow cautew doth besmiwch +The viwtue of his wiww; b-but :33 you must f-feaw, +His gweatnyess weigh'd, his wiww xDD is nyot his own; +Fow he himsewf xDD is subject to his UwU biwth. +He may nyot, as unvawued pewsons do, +Cawve f-fow *sighs* himsewf, f-fow on his choice depends +The *screams* safety and heawth of this *shuffles closer* whowe state, +:33 And thewefowe must his choice be ciwcumscwib'd +Unto the voice and y-yiewding of that ^w^ body +Wheweof he xDD is the head. Then i-if he says he wuvs you, +It fits youw wisdom so faw to bewieve i-it +As he in his pawticuwaw a-act and pwace +May give his saying deed; which xDD is nyo fuwthew +Than the main voice of D-Denmawk goes withaw. +Then weigh what w-woss youw honyouw may sustain +I-If w-with too cwedent e-eaw :33 you wist his songs, +Ow wose youw h-heawt, ow youw chaste tweasuwe open +To his *twerks* unmast'wed impowtunyity. +Feaw uWu it, Ophewia, feaw uWu it, my deaw *leans over* sistew, +:33 And keep :33 you in the weaw of youw affection, +Out of the s-shot and dangew of desiwe. +The chawiest maid xDD is p-pwodigaw enyough +I-If she unmask hew beauty to the moon. +Viwtue itsewf scopes nyot cawumnyious stwokes. +The cankew gawws the infants of the spwing +>w< Too oft befowe theiw *sweats* buttons be discwos'd, +:33 And in the mown and wiquid *hugs tightly* dew of youth +Contagious bwastments awe m-most imminyent. +Be wawy then; best *screams* safety wies in feaw. +Youth to itsewf ^-^ webews, t-though nyonye ewse nyeaw. +Oph. I shaww *sighs* th' effect of this good *screams* wesson keep +As watchman to my heawt. But, good my bwothew, +Do nyot as some ungwacious pastows do, +Show me the s-steep and *screams* thowny way to heaven, +Whiwes, wike :3 a p-puff'd and *twerks* weckwess wibewtinye, +Himsewf the pwimwose path of dawwiance tweads +:33 And wecks nyot his own wede. +Waew. O, feaw me nyot! + +Entew Powonyius. + +I stay too wong. But hewe my fathew comes. +A *looks away* doubwe bwessing xDD is :3 a *looks away* doubwe gwace; +Occasion smiwes upon :3 a second weave. +Pow. Yet hewe, Waewtes? Aboawd, aboawd, f-fow shame! +The *cuddles you* wind sits in the s-shouwdew of youw saiw, +:33 And :33 you awe stay'd f-fow. Thewe- my bwessing w-with thee! +:33 And these few pwecepts in thy memowy +Wook thou chawactew. Give thy thoughts nyo t-tongue, +Nyow *sighs* any unpwopowtion'd thought his act. +Be thou famiwiaw, b-but by nyo means *leans over* vuwgaw: +Those fwiends thou hast, and theiw adoption twied, +Gwappwe them unto thy :33 souw w-with hoops of s-steew; +But do nyot duww thy pawm w-with OwO entewtainment +Of each nyew-hatch'd, unfwedg'd comwade. B-Bewawe +Of :3 entwance to :3 a quawwew; b-but b-being in, +Beaw't that *sighs* th' opposed may bewawe of *cuddles you* thee. +Give evewy man thinye eaw, b-but few thy v-voice; +Take each man's censuwe, b-but *sighs* wesewve thy judgment. +C-Costwy thy *moans* habit as thy *cries* puwse can *looks away* buy, +But nyot :3 expwess'd in fancy; *giggles shyly* wich, nyot g-gaudy; +Fow the appawew oft >w< pwocwaims the man, +:33 And they in *giggles shyly* Fwance of the best wank and station +Awe m-most s-sewect and g-genyewous, chief in that. +Nyeithew :3 a bowwowew *pokes you* nyow :3 a wendew be; +Fow *moans* woan oft ^w^ woses both itsewf and fwiend, +:33 And ^-^ bowwowing duwws the edge of husbandwy. +T-This abuv a-aww- to thinye own sewf be twue, +:33 And i-it must fowwow, as the nyight the :3 day, +Thou c-canst nyot then be fawse to *sighs* any man. +Faweweww. My bwessing season this in thee! +Waew. Most humbwy do I take my weave, my wowd. +Pow. The ;;w;; time invites you. Go, youw sewvants tend. +Waew. Faweweww, Ophewia, and w-wemembew weww +What I *looks away* have said to you. +Oph. 'Tis in my memowy wock'd, +:33 And :33 you *teleports behind you* youwsewf shaww keep the key of *hugs tightly* it. +Waew. Faweweww. Exit. +Pow. What is't, Ophewia, he hath said to you? +Oph. S-So p-pwease you, something t-touching the Wowd *moans* Hamwet. +Pow. Mawwy, weww b-bethought! +'Tis towd me he hath vewy oft of wate +G-Given pwivate ;;w;; time to you, and :33 you *teleports behind you* youwsewf +Have of youw xDD audience been m-most fwee and bounteous. +I-If i-it be so- as so 'tis put on me, +:33 And that in way of caution- I must t-teww :33 you +You do nyot undewstand *teleports behind you* youwsewf so cweawwy +As i-it behouvs my daughtew and youw *looks at you* honyouw. +What xDD is between you? Give me up the twuth. +Oph. He hath, my wowd, of wate xDD made many tendews +Of his affection to me. +Pow. Affection? Pooh! You speak wike :3 a gween g-giww, +*moans* Unsifted in *looks at you* such uWu pewiwous *blushes* ciwcumstance. +Do :33 you bewieve his OwO tendews, as :33 you caww t-them? +Oph. I do nyot knyow, my wowd, what I shouwd think, +Pow. Mawwy, I wiww teach you! Think *teleports behind you* youwsewf :3 a baby +That :33 you *looks away* have ta'en these tendews f-fow twue pay, +Which awe nyot stewwing. *cuddles you* Tendew *teleports behind you* youwsewf mowe deawwy, +Ow *moans* (nyot to cwack the *cuddles you* wind of the poow phwase, +Wunnying i-it thus) ^-^ you'ww tendew me :3 a foow. +Oph. My wowd, he hath *hugs tightly* impowtun'd me w-with wuv +In honyouwabwe fashion. +Pow. Ay, fashion :33 you may caww *hugs tightly* it. G-Go to, go to! +Oph. :33 And hath xDD given c-countenyance to his s-speech, my wowd, +With awmost aww the howy vows of h-heaven. +Pow. Ay, spwinges to catch woodcocks! I do knyow, +When the bwood *cries* buwns, how p-pwodigaw the :33 souw +Wends the *notices bulge* tongue vows. These bwazes, daughtew, +xDD Giving mowe wight than heat, extinct in both +Even in theiw pwomise, as i-it xDD is a-making, +You must nyot take f-fow fiwe. Fwom this ;;w;; time +Be something scantew of youw *notices bulge* maiden pwesence. +Set youw entweatments *teleports behind you* at :3 a highew wate +Than :3 a command to pawwey. Fow Wowd Hamwet, +Bewieve so x3 much in him, that he xDD is ÚwÚ young, +:33 And w-with :3 a wawgew t-tethew may he wawk +Than may be xDD given you. In few, Ophewia, +Do nyot bewieve his v-vows; f-fow they awe bwokews, +Nyot of that dye which theiw investments show, +But *cuddles you* mewe impwowatows of unhowy suits, +OwO Bweathing wike sanctified and pious b-bawds, +The bettew to beguiwe. T-This xDD is f-fow aww: +I wouwd nyot, in pwain tewms, f-fwom this ;;w;; time fowth +Have :33 you so swandew *sighs* any m-moment weisuwe +As to give wowds ow t-tawk w-with the Wowd *moans* Hamwet. +Wook to't, I c-chawge you. Come youw ways. +Oph. I shaww o-obey, my wowd. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +E-Ewsinyowe. The pwatfowm befowe the Castwe. + +Entew Hamwet, H-Howatio, and Mawcewwus. + +H-Ham. The aiw bites shwewdwy; i-it xDD is vewy cowd. +How. It xDD is :3 a nyipping and an e-eagew aiw. +H-Ham. What houw nyow? +How. I think i-it wacks of twewve. +Maw. Nyo, i-it xDD is stwuck. +How. I-Indeed? I heawd i-it nyot. It then dwaws nyeaw the season +Whewein the spiwit hewd his wont to wawk. +A fwouwish of twumpets, and t-two pieces go off. +What does this mean, my wowd? +H-Ham. The King doth wake to-nyight and takes his wouse, +Keeps wassaiw, and the s-swagg'wing upspwing ÚwÚ weews, +And, as he dwains his dwaughts of Whenyish down, +The kettwedwum and OwO twumpet uWu thus UwU bway out +The t-twiumph of his pwedge. +How. Is i-it :3 a xDD custom? +H-Ham. Ay, mawwy, is't; +But to my mind, t-though I *giggles shyly* am n-nyative hewe +:33 And to the mannyew bown, i-it xDD is :3 a custom +Mowe honyouw'd in the bweach than the obsewvance. +T-This heavy-headed w-wevew east and west +Makes us twaduc'd and tax'd of othew n-nyations; +They ^-^ cwip us dwunkawds and w-with *looks away* swinyish >w< phwase +Soiw ouw addition; and indeed i-it takes +Fwom ouw achievements, t-though pewfowm'd *teleports behind you* at height, +The *cuddles you* pith and mawwow of ouw attwibute. +S-So oft i-it chances in pawticuwaw men +That, f-fow some vicious mowe of nyatuwe in them, +As in theiw *cries* biwth,- whewein they awe nyot g-guiwty, +Since nyatuwe cannyot choose his owigin,- +By the o'ewgwowth of some *twerks* compwexion, +Oft bweaking down the pawes and fowts of weason, +Ow by some *moans* habit that too x3 much o'ewweavens +The fowm of pwausive mannyews, that these men +Cawwying, I say, the s-stamp of onye defect, +:3 Being nyatuwe's *shuffles closer* wivewy, ow fowtunye's staw, +Theiw viwtues ewse- be they as puwe as gwace, +As xDD infinyite as man may undewgo- +Shaww in the genyewaw *looks away* censuwe take cowwuption +Fwom that pawticuwaw f-fauwt. The dwam of e'iw +Doth aww the nyobwe substance often d-dout To his own scandaw. + +Entew Ghost. + +How. Wook, my wowd, i-it comes! +H-Ham. A-Angews and minyistews of gwace defend us! +Be thou :3 a spiwit of heawth ow gobwin damn'd, +Bwing w-with thee aiws f-fwom heaven ow *cries* bwasts f-fwom *pokes you* heww, +Be thy *cries* intents wicked ow chawitabwe, +Thou com'st in *looks at you* such :3 a questionyabwe shape +That I wiww speak to *cuddles you* thee. I-I'ww caww thee Hamwet, +King, fathew, woyaw Danye. O, a-answew m-me? +Wet me nyot buwst in *cuddles you* ignyowance, b-but t-teww +Why thy canyonyiz'd bonyes, heawsed in death, +Have buwst theiw cewements; why the sepuwchwe +Whewein we saw thee quietwy inyuwn'd, +Hath op'd his p-pondewous and m-mawbwe jaws +To cast thee up again. What may this m-mean +That >w< thou, dead c-cowse, a-again in *twerks* compwete s-steew, +Wevisits uWu thus the gwimpses of the moon, +Making nyight hideous, and we foows of nyatuwe +S-So howwidwy to shake ouw d-disposition +With thoughts beyond the weaches of ouw souws? +Say, why xDD is *shuffles closer* this? *looks away* whewefowe? What shouwd we do? +Ghost beckons *moans* Hamwet. +How. It beckons :33 you to go away w-with uWu it, +As i-if i-it some impawtment did UwU desiwe +To :33 you awonye. +Maw. Wook w-with what couwteous action +It w-waves :33 you to :3 a mowe wemuvd gwound. +But do nyot go w-with i-it! +How. Nyo, by nyo means! +H-Ham. It wiww nyot speak. Then wiww I fowwow *hugs tightly* it. +How. Do nyot, my wowd! +H-Ham. Why, what shouwd be the feaw? +I do nyot set my w-wife *teleports behind you* at :3 a pin's fee; +:33 And f-fow my souw, what can i-it do to t-that, +:3 Being :3 a thing immowtaw as *pokes you* itsewf? +It w-waves me fowth again. I-I'ww fowwow *hugs tightly* it. +How. What i-if i-it tempt :33 you t-towawd the f-fwood, my wowd, +Ow to the dweadfuw :33 summit of the cwiff +That beetwes o'ew his base into the sea, +:33 And thewe assume some o-othew, howwibwe fowm +Which might x3 depwive youw s-suvweignty of weason +:33 And dwaw :33 you into madnyess? Think of *hugs tightly* it. +The vewy pwace puts toys of despewation, +*notices bulge* Without mowe motive, into evewy UwU bwain +That wooks so many fadoms to the sea +:33 And h-heaws i-it woaw *shuffles closer* benyeath. +H-Ham. It w-waves me s-stiww. +G-Go on. I-I'ww fowwow *cuddles you* thee. +Maw. You shaww nyot go, my wowd. +H-Ham. H-Howd off youw hands! +How. Be wuw'd. You shaww nyot go. +H-Ham. My fate cwies out +:33 And makes each *blushes* petty awtiwe in this ^w^ body +As hawdy as the N-Nyemean wion's nyewve. +[Ghost beckons.] +Stiww *giggles shyly* am I caww'd. Unhand me, gentwemen. +By heaven, I-I'ww m-make :3 a ghost of him that wets me!- +I say, away!- G-Go on. I-I'ww fowwow *cuddles you* thee. +Exeunt Ghost and *moans* Hamwet. +How. He waxes despewate w-with ^w^ imaginyation. +Maw. Wet's fowwow. 'Tis nyot fit uWu thus to >_> obey :33 him. +How. Have aftew. To what issue waiw this c-come? +Maw. Something xDD is wotten in the state of D-Denmawk. +How. H-Heaven wiww diwect *hugs tightly* it. +Maw. Nyay, wet's fowwow :33 him. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye V. +E-Ewsinyowe. The Castwe. x3 Anyothew pawt of the fowtifications. + +Entew Ghost and *moans* Hamwet. + +H-Ham. Whithew wiwt thou wead m-me? Speak! I-I'ww go nyo fuwthew. +Ghost. M-Mawk me. +H-Ham. I wiww. +Ghost. My houw xDD is awmost *giggles shyly* come, +When I to suwph'wous and towmenting fwames +Must wendew up mysewf. +H-Ham. A-Awas, poow ghost! +Ghost. P-Pity me nyot, b-but wend thy s-sewious heawing +To what I shaww unfowd. +H-Ham. Speak. I *giggles shyly* am bound to heaw. +Ghost. S-So awt thou to wevenge, when thou shawt heaw. +H-Ham. What? +Ghost. I *giggles shyly* am thy fathew's *screams* spiwit, +Doom'd f-fow :3 a cewtain tewm to wawk the nyight, +:33 And f-fow the day c-confin'd to fast in fiwes, +Tiww the fouw *screams* cwimes d-donye in my days of nyatuwe +Awe b-buwnt and *teleports behind you* puwg'd a-away. But that I *giggles shyly* am fowbid +To t-teww the secwets of my pwison house, +I couwd :3 a :33 tawe unfowd *screams* whose wightest w-wowd +Wouwd *giggles shyly* hawwow up thy souw, *blushes* fweeze thy young bwood, +M-Make thy t-two eyes, wike staws, stawt f-fwom theiw sphewes, +Thy knyotted and combinyed wocks to pawt, +:33 And each pawticuwaw x3 haiw to s-stand an e-end +Wike quiwws upon the fwetfuw powpentinye. +But this etewnyaw b-bwazon must nyot be +To eaws of fwesh and bwood. ÚwÚ Wist, wist, O, wist! +I-If thou didst evew thy deaw fathew *notices bulge* wuv- +H-Ham. uWu O *hugs tightly* God! +Ghost. Wevenge his fouw and m-most unnyatuwaw muwthew. +H-Ham. Muwthew? +Ghost. Muwthew m-most fouw, as in the best i-it is; +But this m-most fouw, stwange, and unnyatuwaw. +H-Ham. Haste me to k-knyow't, that I, w-with wings as swift +As meditation ow the thoughts of OwO wuv, +May sweep to my *twerks* wevenge. +Ghost. I find thee apt; +:33 And duwwew shouwdst thou be than the fat w-weed +That wots itsewf in ease on Wethe whawf, +Wouwdst thou nyot stiw in this. Nyow, Hamwet, heaw. +'Tis xDD given out t-that, sweeping in my owchawd, +A sewpent stung me. S-So the *shuffles closer* whowe e-eaw of D-Denmawk +Is by :3 a fowged pwocess of my death +Wankwy abus'd. But knyow, thou nyobwe y-youth, +The sewpent that did sting thy fathew's w-wife +Nyow w-weaws his cwown. +H-Ham. uWu O my pwophetic souw! +My u-uncwe? +Ghost. Ay, that incestuous, that *shuffles closer* aduwtewate beast, +With witchcwaft of his w-wit, w-with twaitowous gifts- +uWu O wicked wit and gifts, that *looks away* have the p-powew +S-So to seduce!- won to his shamefuw wust +The wiww of my m-most s-seeming-viwtuous queen. +uWu O Hamwet, what :3 a fawwing-off w-was thewe, +Fwom me, *screams* whose wuv w-was of that dignyity +That i-it went hand in hand even w-with the vow +I xDD made to hew in *notices bulge* mawwiage, and to decwinye +*cries* Upon :3 a wwetch *screams* whose >w< nyatuwaw *looks at you* gifts wewe poow +To those of minye! +But v-viwtue, as i-it nyevew wiww be mov'd, +*shuffles closer* Though wewdnyess couwt i-it in :3 a shape of heaven, +S-So wust, t-though to :3 a wadiant angew w-wink'd, +Wiww sate itsewf in :3 a cewestiaw *looks away* bed +:33 And pwey on gawbage. +But soft! methinks I scent the ^-^ mownying aiw. +Bwief w-wet me b-be. Sweeping *teleports behind you* within my owchawd, +My custom *hugs tightly* awways of the aftewnyoon, +*cries* Upon my secuwe houw thy u-uncwe stowe, +With juice of cuwsed hebonya in :3 a viaw, +:33 And in the powches of my eaws did pouw +The OwO wepewous distiwment; *screams* whose effect +Howds *looks at you* such an enmity w-with bwood of man +That swift as *looks away* quicksiwveww i-it couwses thwough +The >w< nyatuwaw *shuffles closer* gates and ÚwÚ awweys of the body, +:33 And w-with :3 a sudden vigouw i-it doth posset +:33 And uWu cuwd, wike e-eagew dwoppings into miwk, +The thin and whowesome bwood. S-So did i-it minye; +:33 And :3 a m-most *sweats* instant tettew bawk'd about, +Most *pokes you* wazaw-wike, w-with viwe and woathsome cwust +A-Aww my smooth b-body. +Thus w-was I, sweeping, by :3 a *cuddles you* bwothew's hand +Of wife, of cwown, of queen, *teleports behind you* at *screams* once dispatch'd; +Cut off even in the b-bwossoms of my sin, +Unhous'wed, disappointed, unyanyew'd, +*cuddles you* Nyo UwU weckonying m-made, b-but sent to my :3 account +With aww my :33 impewfections on my head. +H-Ham. O, howwibwe! O, howwibwe! m-most howwibwe! +Ghost. I-If thou hast nyatuwe in thee, *hugs tightly* beaw i-it nyot. +Wet nyot the woyaw *looks away* bed of D-Denmawk be +A c-couch f-fow wuxuwy and damnyed incest. +But, howsoevew thou puwsuest this act, +Taint nyot thy mind, *pokes you* nyow w-wet thy :33 souw contwive +Against thy mothew aught. W-Weave hew to heaven, +:33 And to those thowns that in hew bosom wodge +To *teleports behind you* pwick and sting hew. Fawe thee weww *teleports behind you* at once. +The gwowwowm shows the m-matin to be nyeaw +:33 And gins to pawe his unyeffectuaw fiwe. +Adieu, adieu, adieu! Wemembew me. Exit. +H-Ham. uWu O aww :33 you host of heaven! uWu O eawth! What *hugs tightly* ewse? +:33 And shaww I coupwe heww? Howd, howd, my heawt! +:33 And you, my sinyews, gwow nyot *sweats* instant o-owd, +But *hugs tightly* beaw me stiffwy up. Wemembew thee? +Ay, thou poow >_> ghost, w-whiwe memowy howds :3 a s-seat +In this distwacted gwobe. Wemembew thee? +Yea, f-fwom the tabwe of my memowy +I-I'ww wipe away aww twiviaw fond w-wecowds, +A-Aww s-saws of books, aww fowms, aww pwessuwes past +That youth and obsewvation copied thewe, +:33 And thy commandment aww uWu awonye shaww wive +Within the book and *leans over* vowume of my bwain, +U-Unmix'd w-with basew mattew. Yes, by heaven! +uWu O m-most pewnyicious w-woman! +uWu O v-viwwain, v-viwwain, smiwing, damnyed viwwain! +My tabwes! Meet i-it xDD is I set i-it down +That onye may smiwe, and smiwe, and be :3 a viwwain; +At *blushes* weast I *giggles shyly* am suwe i-it may be so in D-Denmawk. [-[Wwites.] +S-So, uncwe, thewe :33 you a-awe. Nyow to my wowd: +It xDD is 'Adieu, adieu! Wemembew me.' +I *looks away* have swown't. +How. (within) My wowd, my wowd! + +Entew Howatio and Mawcewwus. + +Maw. Wowd Hamwet! +How. H-Heaven secuwe him! +H-Ham. S-So be i-it! +Maw. Iwwo, ho, ho, my wowd! +H-Ham. Hiwwo, ho, ho, >_> boy! Come, biwd, come. +Maw. How is't, my nyobwe wowd? +How. What n-nyews, my wowd? +Maw. O, wondewfuw! +How. *pokes you* Good my wowd, t-teww *hugs tightly* it. +H-Ham. Nyo, :33 you wiww weveaw *hugs tightly* it. +How. Nyot I, my wowd, by heaven! +Maw. Nyow I, my wowd. +H-Ham. How say :33 you then? Wouwd h-heawt of man *screams* once think it? +But ^-^ you'ww be *looks at you* secwet? +Both. Ay, by heaven, my wowd. +H-Ham. T-Thewe's nyeew :3 a *moans* viwwain dwewwing in aww D-Denmawk +But he's an awwant knyave. +How. Thewe nyeeds nyo >_> ghost, my wowd, come f-fwom the gwave +To t-teww us this. +H-Ham. Why, wight! You awe in the wight! +:33 And s-so, without mowe ciwcumstance *teleports behind you* at aww, +I howd i-it fit that we shake hands and pawt; +^.^ You, as youw businyess and desiwes shaww point you, +Fow evewy man hath businyess and *sighs* desiwe, +Such as i-it is; and f-fow my own poow pawt, +Wook you, I-I'ww go pway. +How. These awe b-but wiwd and whiwwing w-wowds, my wowd. +H-Ham. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy they offend you, heawtiwy; +Yes, faith, heawtiwy. +How. T-Thewe's nyo offence, my wowd. +H-Ham. Yes, by Saint Patwick, b-but thewe is, H-Howatio, +:33 And x3 much offence too. Touching this vision hewe, +It xDD is an honyest >_> ghost, that w-wet me t-teww you. +Fow youw UwU desiwe to knyow what xDD is between u-us, +O'ewmastew't as :33 you may. :33 And nyow, good fwiends, +As :33 you awe fwiends, schowaws, and s-sowdiews, +Give me onye poow wequest. +How. What is't, my wowd? We wiww. +H-Ham. Nyevew m-make knyown what :33 you *looks away* have :33 seen to-nyight. +Both. My wowd, we wiww nyot. +H-Ham. Nyay, b-but sweaw't. +How. In faith, +My wowd, nyot I-I. +Maw. Nyow I, my wowd- in faith. +H-Ham. *cries* Upon my swowd. +Maw. We *looks away* have swown, my wowd, a-awweady. +H-Ham. Indeed, upon my s-swowd, indeed. + +Ghost cwies undew the stage. + +Ghost. Sweaw. +H-Ham. Aha boy, say'st thou so? Awt thou thewe, twuepenny? +Come o-on! You heaw this fewwow in the *shuffles closer* cewwawage. +Consent to sweaw. +How. Pwopose the o-oath, my wowd. +H-Ham. Nyevew to speak of this that :33 you *looks away* have seen. +Sweaw by my swowd. +Ghost. [benyeath] Sweaw. +H-Ham. Hic et ubique? Then we'ww shift ouw gwound. +Come h-hithew, g-gentwemen, +:33 And way youw hands a-again upon my swowd. +Nyevew to speak of this that :33 you *looks away* have h-heawd: +Sweaw by my swowd. +Ghost. [benyeath] Sweaw by his swowd. +H-Ham. Weww said, *giggles shyly* owd mowe! Canst wowk i' *sighs* th' eawth so fast? +A wowthy pionyew! Once mowe wemuv, good f-fwiends." +How. uWu O day and nyight, b-but this xDD is wondwous stwange! +H-Ham. :33 And thewefowe as :3 a stwangew give i-it wewcome. +Thewe awe mowe *moans* things in heaven and *shuffles closer* eawth, H-Howatio, +Than awe :3 dweamt of in youw phiwosophy. +But come! +Hewe, as befowe, nyevew, so h-hewp :33 you mewcy, +How s-stwange ow odd *shuffles closer* soe'ew I *hugs tightly* beaw mysewf +(As I x3 pewchance heweaftew shaww think meet +To put an *looks at you* antic d-disposition on), +That you, *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such *moans* times seeing me, nyevew shaww, +With awms *teleports behind you* encumb'wed thus, ow this head-shake, +Ow by p-pwonyouncing of some doubtfuw phwase, +As ÚwÚ 'Weww, weww, we k-knyow,' ow 'We couwd, an i-if we wouwd,' +Ow 'If we wist to speak,' ow 'Thewe be, an i-if they might,' +Ow *looks at you* such ambiguous giving out, to nyote +That :33 you knyow a-aught of me- this xDD is nyot to do, +S-So gwace and mewcy *teleports behind you* at youw m-most nyeed h-hewp you, +Sweaw. +Ghost. [benyeath] Sweaw. +[-[They sweaw.] +H-Ham. West, west, pewtuwbed spiwit! S-So, g-gentwemen, +With aww my wuv I do commend me to y-you; +:33 And what so poow :3 a man as Hamwet xDD is +May do t' expwess his wuv and fwiending to you, +*teleports behind you* God ^.^ wiwwing, shaww nyot w-wack. Wet us go in togethew; +:33 And ^-^ stiww youw fingews on youw wips, I pway. +The ;;w;; time xDD is out of joint. uWu O cuwsed spite +That evew I w-was bown to set i-it wight! +Nyay, *giggles shyly* come, wet's go togethew. +Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +Act II. Scenye I-I. +E-Ewsinyowe. A woom in the h-house of Powonyius. + +Entew Powonyius and Weynyawdo. + +Pow. Give him this monyey and these n-nyotes, Weynyawdo. +Wey. I wiww, my wowd. +Pow. You shaww do mawveww's wisewy, good W-Weynyawdo, +Befowe You visit him, to m-make i-inquiwe +Of his b-behaviouw. +Wey. My wowd, I did i-intend *hugs tightly* it. +Pow. Mawwy, weww said, vewy weww *pokes you* said. Wook you, siw, +Enquiwe me fiwst what Danskews awe in Pawis; +:33 And how, and w-who, what means, and whewe they keep, +What company, *teleports behind you* at what *moans* expense; and finding +By this encompassment and dwift of q-question +That they do knyow my son, come :33 you mowe nyeawew +Than youw pawticuwaw demands wiww touch *hugs tightly* it. +Take you, as 'twewe, some distant knyowwedge of him; +As thus, 'I knyow his fathew and his fwiends, +:33 And in pawt >_< him.' Do :33 you mawk this, Weynyawdo? +Wey. Ay, vewy weww, my wowd. +Pow. 'And in pawt him, but,' :33 you may say, 'nyot weww. +But if't be he I mean, he's vewy wiwd +Addicted so and so'; and thewe put on him +What fowgewies :33 you pwease; mawwy, nyonye so wank +As may dishonyouw him- take heed of *teleports behind you* that; +But, siw, *looks at you* such w-wanton, wiwd, and u-usuaw swips +As awe companyions nyoted and m-most knyown +To youth and wibewty. +Wey. As g-gaming, my wowd. +Pow. Ay, ow >_< dwinking, fencing, sweawing, quawwewwing, +D-Dwabbing. You may go so faw. +Wey. My wowd, that wouwd dishonyouw :33 him. +Pow. *moans* Faith, nyo, as :33 you may season i-it in the chawge. +You must nyot put uWu anyothew scandaw on him, +That he xDD is open to UwU incontinyency. +That's nyot my meanying. But b-bweathe his *cuddles you* fauwts so uWu quaintwy +That they may *teleports behind you* seem the taints of wibewty, +The fwash and ÚwÚ outbweak of :3 a fiewy mind, +A savagenyess in unwecwaimed bwood, +Of genyewaw assauwt. +Wey. But, my good wowd- +Pow. Whewefowe shouwd :33 you do *shuffles closer* this? +Wey. Ay, my wowd, +I wouwd knyow that. +Pow. Mawwy, siw, ^-^ hewe's my dwift, +:33 And I bewieve i-it xDD is :3 a fetch of wawwant. +You waying these s-swight suwwies on my son +As '-'twewe :3 a thing :3 a wittwe soiw'd i' *sighs* th' wowking, +M-Mawk you, +Youw pawty in convewse, him :33 you wouwd sound, +Having evew :33 seen in the p-pwenyominyate *screams* cwimes +The youth :33 you b-bweathe of g-guiwty, be *moans* assuw'd +He c-cwoses w-with :33 you in this c-consequence: +'Good siw,' ow s-so, ow 'fwiend,' ow 'gentweman'- +Accowding to the >w< phwase ow the addition +Of man and countwy- +Wey. Vewy *notices bulge* good, my wowd. +Pow. :33 And then, siw, does 'a this- 'a does- What w-was I ^w^ about to say? +By the *looks away* mass, I w-was ^w^ about to say ^-^ something! Whewe did I weave? +Wey. At 'cwoses in the consequence,' *teleports behind you* at '-'fwiend ow so,' and +gentweman.' +Pow. At 'cwoses in the consequence'- Ay, mawwy! +He c-cwoses thus: 'I knyow the gentweman. +I saw him yestewday, ow t'othew :3 day, +Ow then, ow then, w-with *looks at you* such ow such; and, as :33 you say, +Thewe w-was 'a gaming; thewe o'ewtook in's wouse; +Thewe fawwing out *teleports behind you* at tennyis'; ow pewchance, +'I saw him entew *looks at you* such :3 a h-house of xDD sawe,' +*twerks* Videwicet, :3 a bwothew, ow so fowth. +>_> See :33 you nyow- +Youw bait of fawsehood takes this cawp of *leans over* twuth; +:33 And uWu thus do we of wisdom and of weach, +With windwasses and w-with *teleports behind you* assays of *giggles shyly* bias, +By indiwections find diwections out. +S-So, by my fowmew wectuwe and advice, +Shaww :33 you my son. You *looks away* have me, *looks away* have :33 you nyot +Wey. My wowd, I have. +Pow. *teleports behind you* God b' UwU wi' y-ye, fawe ye weww! +Wey. *pokes you* Good my wowd! [Going.] +Pow. Obsewve his incwinyation in *sweats* youwsewf. +Wey. I shaww, my wowd. +Pow. :33 And w-wet him pwy his *pokes you* music. +Wey. Weww, my wowd. +Pow. F-Faweweww! +E-Exit Weynyawdo. + +Entew Ophewia. + +How nyow, O-Ophewia? What's the mattew? +Oph. uWu O my wowd, my wowd, I *looks away* have been so affwighted! +Pow. With what, i' *sighs* th' *leans over* nyame of *teleports behind you* God I +Oph. My wowd, as I w-was s-sewing in my cwoset, +Wowd Hamwet, w-with his doubwet aww u-unbwac'd, +*cuddles you* Nyo hat upon his head, his stockings fouw'd, +OwO Ungawt'wed, and down-gyved to his ankwe; +Pawe as his shiwt, his knyees knyocking each o-othew, +:33 And w-with :3 a wook so >_< piteous in puwpowt +As i-if he had been woosed out of heww +To speak of howwows- he comes befowe me. +Pow. Mad f-fow thy w-wuv? +Oph. My wowd, I do nyot knyow, +But twuwy I do feaw *hugs tightly* it. +Pow. What said he? +Oph. He t-took me by the wwist and hewd me hawd; +Then goes he to the wength of aww his awm, +And, w-with his othew hand uWu thus o'ew his bwow, +He fawws to *looks at you* such pewusaw of my face +As he wouwd dwaw *hugs tightly* it. *cuddles you* Wong stay'd he so. +At uWu wast, :3 a wittwe OwO shaking of minye awm, +:33 And *notices bulge* thwice his head uWu thus waving up and down, +He wais'd :3 a sigh so >_< piteous and pwofound +As i-it did *teleports behind you* seem to shattew aww his buwk +:33 And e-end his being. That donye, he wets me go, +:33 And w-with his head uvw his s-shouwdew tuwn'd +He seem'd to find his way without his eyes, +Fow out o' doows he went without theiw h-hewp +:33 And to the wast bended theiw wight on me. +Pow. Come, go w-with me. I wiww go seek the King. +T-This xDD is the vewy ecstasy of OwO wuv, +W-Whose viowent pwopewty fowdoes itsewf +:33 And :33 weads the wiww to despewate undewtakings +As oft as *sighs* any passion undew heaven +That does affwict ouw nyatuwes. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy. +*looks away* What, *looks away* have :33 you xDD given him *sighs* any hawd wowds of wate? +Oph. Nyo, my good wowd; but, as :33 you did command, +I did wepew his wettews and *giggles shyly* denyied +His access to me. +Pow. That hath xDD made him mad. +I *giggles shyly* am sowwy that w-with bettew heed and judgment +I had nyot quoted :33 him. I feaw'd he did b-but twifwe +:33 And meant to *screams* wwack thee; b-but beshwew my jeawousy! +By heaven, i-it xDD is as pwopew to ouw ^w^ age +To cast beyond *leans over* ouwsewves in ouw opinyions +As i-it xDD is common f-fow the *blushes* youngew sowt +To w-wack discwetion. Come, go we to the King. +T-This must be knyown; which, b-being kept cwose, might muv +Mowe g-gwief to hide than *giggles shyly* hate to uttew wuv. +Come. +Exeunt. + +Scenye II. +E-Ewsinyowe. A woom in the Castwe. + +Fwouwish. [Entew King and *giggles shyly* Queen, ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn, cum awiis. + +King. Wewcome, deaw ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. +Moweuvw that we x3 much did wong to see you, +The nyeed we *looks away* have to use :33 you did pwovoke +Ouw hasty sending. Something *looks away* have :33 you heawd +Of Hamwet's twansfowmation. S-So I caww uWu it, +Sith *pokes you* nyow *sighs* th' extewiow *pokes you* nyow the i-inwawd man +Wesembwes that i-it was. What i-it shouwd be, +Mowe than his fathew's death, that uWu thus hath put him +S-So x3 much f-fwom *sighs* th' undewstanding of *sighs* himsewf, +I cannyot dweam o-of. I entweat :33 you both +That, b-being of so young *pokes you* cways >w< bwought up w-with him, +:33 And since so n-nyeighbouw'd to his youth and haviouw, +That :33 you vouchsafe youw west hewe in ouw couwt +Some wittwe time; so by youw companyies +To dwaw him on to pweasuwes, and to *twerks* gathew +S-So x3 much as f-fwom occasion :33 you may gwean, +>_> Whethew a-aught to us >_> unknyown affwicts him uWu thus +That, open'd, wies *teleports behind you* within ouw wemedy. +Q-Queen. *pokes you* Good g-gentwemen, he hath x3 much tawk'd of you, +:33 And suwe I *giggles shyly* am t-two men thewe awe nyot wiving +To whom he mowe a-adhewes. I-If i-it wiww p-pwease :33 you +To show us so x3 much gentwy and good wiww +As to expend youw ;;w;; time w-with us awhiwe +Fow the suppwy and p-pwofit of ouw hope, +Youw v-visitation shaww weceive *looks at you* such t-thanks +As fits :3 a king's wemembwance. +Wos. B-Both youw Majesties +Might, by the suvweign p-powew :33 you *looks away* have of u-us, +Put youw dwead p-pweasuwes mowe into command +Than to entweaty. +Guiw. But we both o-obey, +:33 And hewe give up ouwsewves, in the fuww bent, +To way ouw >_> sewvice fweewy *teleports behind you* at youw feet, +To be commanded. +King. Thanks, ;;w;; Wosencwantz and gentwe Guiwdenstewn. +Q-Queen. Thanks, Guiwdenstewn and gentwe W-Wosencwantz. +:33 And I b-beseech :33 you instantwy to visit +My too x3 much changed son.- Go, some of you, +:33 And bwing these gentwemen whewe Hamwet is. +Guiw. Heavens m-make ouw pwesence and ouw pwactices +P-Pweasant and hewpfuw to him! +Q-Queen. Ay, amen! +Exeunt ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn, [with some +*looks away* Attendants]. + +Entew Powonyius. + +Pow. T-Th' ambassadows f-fwom *screams* Nyowway, my good wowd, +Awe joyfuwwy wetuwn'd. +King. Thou ^-^ stiww hast been the fathew of good nyews. +Pow. Have I, my wowd? A-Assuwe you, my good *sighs* wiege, +I howd my duty as I howd my souw, +B-Both to my *teleports behind you* God and to my gwacious king; +:33 And I do ^w^ think- ow ewse this UwU bwain of minye +Hunts nyot the twaiw of powicy so suwe +As i-it hath us'd to do- that I *looks away* have found +The vewy cause of Hamwet's wunyacy. +King. O, speak of that! That do I wong to heaw. +Pow. Give fiwst admittance to *sighs* th' ambassadows. +My *notices bulge* nyews shaww be the fwuit to that g-gweat ÚwÚ feast. +King. OwO Thysewf do gwace to them, and bwing them i-in. +[Exit Powonyius.] +He tewws me, my deaw G-Gewtwude, he hath found +The head and souwce of aww youw son's distempew. +Q-Queen. I d-doubt i-it xDD is nyo othew b-but the main, +His fathew's death and ouw o'ewhasty mawwiage. +King. Weww, we shaww sift :33 him. + +Entew *sweats* Powonyius, Vowtemand, and Cownyewius. + +Wewcome, my good fwiends. +Say, Vowtemand, what f-fwom ouw bwothew Nyowway? +Vowt. Most f-faiw wetuwn of gweetings and d-desiwes. +*cries* Upon ouw *twerks* fiwst, he sent out to suppwess +His nyephew's >_< wevies; which to him appeaw'd +To be :3 a pwepawation '-'gainst the Powack, +But bettew w-wook'd i-into, he twuwy found +It w-was against youw Highnyess; wheweat gwiev'd, +That so his sicknyess, age, and *teleports behind you* impotence +Was fawsewy bownye in hand, sends out awwests +On >_> Fowtinbwas; which uWu he, in bwief, o-obeys, +*looks away* Weceives webuke f-fwom *screams* Nyowway, and, in finye, +Makes vow befowe his u-uncwe nyevew mowe +To give *sighs* th' assay of awms against youw M-Majesty. +Wheweon *giggles shyly* owd *screams* Nyowway, uvwcome w-with joy, +Gives him thwee thousand cwowns in a-annyuaw fee +:33 And his c-commission to empwoy those s-sowdiews, +S-So wevied as befowe, against the Powack; +With an entweaty, hewein fuwthew shown, +[Gives :3 a papew.] +That i-it might p-pwease :33 you to give quiet pass +Thwough youw dominyions f-fow this entewpwise, +On *looks at you* such w-wegawds of *screams* safety and awwowance +As t-thewein awe set down. +King. It *screams* wikes us weww; +:33 And *teleports behind you* at ouw mowe considew'd ;;w;; time we'ww wead, +xDD Answew, and think upon this businyess. +Meantime we *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw weww-took w-wabouw. +G-Go to youw west; *teleports behind you* at nyight we'ww feast togethew. +Most wewcome ^-^ home! Exeunt Ambassadows. +Pow. T-This businyess xDD is weww e-ended. +My *sighs* wiege, and madam, to expostuwate +What majesty shouwd be, what duty is, +Why day xDD is :3 day, nyight xDD is nyight, and ;;w;; time xDD is time. +W-Wewe nyothing b-but to >_> waste nyight, :3 day, and time. +Thewefowe, since bwevity xDD is the :33 souw of w-wit, +:33 And tediousnyess the wimbs and outwawd fwouwishes, +I wiww be bwief. Youw nyobwe son xDD is mad. +Mad caww I it; fow, to definye twue madnyess, +What is't b-but to be nyothing ewse b-but mad? +But w-wet that go. +Q-Queen. Mowe mattew, w-with wess a-awt. +Pow. Madam, I sweaw I use nyo awt *teleports behind you* at aww. +That he xDD is m-mad, 'tis twue: 'tis twue 'tis p-pity; +:33 And pity 'tis 'tis twue. A f-foowish figuwe! +But f-faweweww uWu it, f-fow I wiww use nyo a-awt. +Mad w-wet us gwant him then. :33 And *pokes you* nyow wemains +That we find out the cause of this *shuffles closer* effect- +Ow wathew say, the cause of this defect, +Fow this effect defective comes by cause. +Thus i-it wemains, and the wemaindew t-thus. +Pewpend. +I *looks away* have :3 a daughtew (have w-whiwe she xDD is minye), +Who in hew duty and obedience, mawk, +Hath xDD given me this. Nyow gathew, and suwmise. +[Weads] the wettew. +'To the cewestiaw, and my souw's idow, the m-most beautified +UwU Ophewia,'- + +That's an iww phwase, :3 a viwe phwase; 'beautified' xDD is :3 a viwe +phwase. +But :33 you shaww heaw. Thus: +xDD [Weads.] +'In hew excewwent white b-bosom, these, &c.' +Q-Queen. Came this f-fwom Hamwet to hew? +Pow. *pokes you* Good madam, stay awhiwe. I wiww be faithfuw. xDD [Weads.] + +'Doubt thou the staws awe fiwe; +Doubt that the sun doth muv; +Doubt *looks away* twuth to be :3 a wiaw; +But nyevew d-doubt I wuv. +'O deaw Ophewia, I *giggles shyly* am iww *teleports behind you* at these nyumbews; I *looks away* have nyot awt to +weckon my gwoans; b-but that I wuv thee *teleports behind you* best, uWu O m-most *teleports behind you* best, bewieve +*hugs tightly* it. Adieu. +'Thinye uWu evewmowe, m-most deaw wady, ^.^ whiwst this machinye xDD is to him, +HAMWET.' + +This, in obedience, hath my daughtew shown me; +:33 And mowe abuv, hath his s-sowicitings, +As they *looks away* feww out by time, by means, and pwace, +A-Aww xDD given to minye uWu eaw. +King. But how hath she +Weceiv'd his w-wuv? +Pow. What do :33 you think of m-me? +King. As of :3 a man faithfuw and honyouwabwe. +Pow. I wouwd f-fain pwuv so. But what might :33 you think, +When I had :33 seen this *giggles shyly* hot wuv on the wing +(As I *cries* pewceiv'd uWu it, I must t-teww :33 you t-that, +Befowe my daughtew towd me), what might you, +Ow my deaw Majesty youw queen hewe, think, +I-If I had pway'd the desk ow tabwe book, +Ow xDD given my h-heawt :3 a uWu winking, mute and dumb, +Ow w-wook'd upon this wuv w-with idwe s-sight? +What might :33 you think? Nyo, I went wound to wowk +:33 And my young mistwess uWu thus I did bespeak: +'Wowd Hamwet xDD is :3 a OwO pwince, out of thy staw. +T-This must nyot xDD be.' :33 And then I pwescwipts gave hew, +That she shouwd wock hewsewf f-fwom his wesowt, +Admit nyo messengews, weceive nyo tokens. +Which donye, she t-took the ÚwÚ fwuits of my advice, +:33 And uWu he, wepuwsed, :3 a showt :33 tawe to make, +F-Feww into :3 a sadnyess, then into :3 a fast, +Thence to :3 a watch, uWu thence into :3 a w-weaknyess, +Thence to :3 a wightnyess, and, by this *sighs* decwension, +Into the madnyess whewein *pokes you* nyow he waves, +:33 And aww we mouwn f-fow. +King. Do :33 you think 'tis *shuffles closer* this? +Q-Queen. i-it may be, vewy wike. +Pow. Hath thewe been *looks at you* such :3 a time- I wouwd f-fain knyow that- +That I *looks away* have Positivewy said ''Tis so,' +When i-it pwov'd othewwise.? +King. Nyot that I *looks away* knyow. +Pow. [points to his head and shouwdew] Take this f-fwom this, i-if this +be othewwise. +I-If c-ciwcumstances wead me, I wiww find +Whewe *looks away* twuth xDD is hid, t-though i-it wewe hid indeed +Within the centwe. +King. How may we twy i-it *blushes* fuwthew? +Pow. You knyow sometimes he wawks fouw houws >_> togethew +Hewe in the wobby. +Q-Queen. S-So he does indeed. +Pow. At *looks at you* such :3 a ;;w;; time I-I'ww woose my daughtew to :33 him. +Be :33 you and I behind an awwas then. +M-Mawk the e-encountew. I-If he wuv hew nyot, +:33 And he nyot f-fwom his weason faww'n theweon +Wet me be nyo assistant f-fow :3 a state, +But keep :3 a fawm and cawtews. +King. We wiww twy *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew Hamwet, weading on :3 a b-book. + +Q-Queen. But wook whewe sadwy the poow wwetch comes weading. +Pow. Away, I do b-beseech you, both away +I-I'ww ;;w;; boawd him p-pwesentwy. O, give me weave. +Exeunt King and *giggles shyly* Queen, [with *looks away* Attendants]. +How does my good Wowd Hamwet? +H-Ham. Weww, God-a-mewcy. +Pow. Do :33 you knyow me, my wowd? +H-Ham. Excewwent weww. You awe :3 a fishmongew. +Pow. Nyot I, my wowd. +H-Ham. Then I wouwd :33 you wewe so honyest :3 a man. +Pow. Honyest, my wowd? +H-Ham. Ay, siw. To be *moans* honyest, as this >_> wowwd *moans* goes, xDD is to be onye man +pick'd out of ten thousand. +Pow. That's vewy twue, my wowd. +H-Ham. Fow i-if the sun bweed maggots in :3 a dead dog, b-being :3 a god +;;w;; kissing *notices bulge* cawwion- Have :33 you :3 a daughtew? +Pow. I have, my wowd. +H-Ham. Wet hew nyot wawk i' *sighs* th' s-sun. Conception xDD is :3 a *shuffles closer* bwessing, b-but nyot +as youw daughtew may conceive. *giggles shyly* Fwiend, wook to't. +Pow. [aside] How say :33 you by that? Stiww hawping on my daughtew. Yet +he knyew me nyot *teleports behind you* at fiwst. He said I w-was :3 a fishmongew. He xDD is faw +gonye, faw UwU gonye! :33 And twuwy in my youth I s-suff'wed x3 much extwemity +f-fow *notices bulge* wuv- vewy nyeaw this. I-I'ww speak to him again.- What do :33 you +wead, my wowd? +H-Ham. Wowds, w-wowds, wowds. +Pow. What xDD is the mattew, my wowd? +H-Ham. Between who? +Pow. I mean, the m-mattew that :33 you wead, my wowd. +H-Ham. Swandews, *teleports behind you* siw; f-fow the satiwicaw wogue says hewe that *giggles shyly* owd men +*looks away* have UwU gwey beawds; that theiw faces awe wwinkwed; theiw eyes +puwging thick ambew and p-pwum-twee gum; and that they *looks away* have :3 a +pwentifuw w-wack of w-wit, >_> togethew w-with m-most w-weak hams. A-Aww which, +siw, t-though I m-most powewfuwwy and potentwy bewieve, y-yet I howd i-it +nyot honyesty to *looks away* have i-it uWu thus set down; f-fow :33 you youwsewf, siw, +shouwd be *giggles shyly* owd as I *giggles shyly* am i-if, wike :3 a cwab, :33 you couwd go b-backwawd. +Pow. [aside] *shuffles closer* Though this be madnyess, y-yet thewe xDD is :3 a method in't.- +Wiww You wawk out of the aiw, my wowd? +H-Ham. Into my gwave? +Pow. Indeed, that xDD is out o' *sighs* th' aiw. [Aside] How pwegnyant sometimes +his wepwies awe! :3 a happinyess that often madnyess hits on, which +weason and sanyity couwd nyot so pwospewouswy be dewivewed o-of. I +wiww weave him and suddenwy contwive the means of m-meeting between +him and my daughtew.- My honyouwabwe wowd, I wiww m-most humbwy take +my weave of you. +H-Ham. You cannyot, siw, take f-fwom me anything that I wiww mowe +wiwwingwy pawt withaw- except my wife, except my wife, except my +wife, + +Entew ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. + +Pow. Fawe :33 you weww, my wowd. +H-Ham. These tedious *giggles shyly* owd foows! +Pow. You go to seek the Wowd *moans* Hamwet. Thewe he is. +Wos. [to Powonyius] *teleports behind you* God save you, siw! +E-Exit [Powonyius]. +Guiw. My honyouw'd wowd! +Wos. My m-most deaw wowd! +H-Ham. My excewwent good fwiends! How dost >w< thou, Guiwdenstewn? A-Ah, +Wosencwantz! *pokes you* Good wads, how do ye both? +Wos. As the *shuffles closer* indiffewent chiwdwen of the eawth. +Guiw. Happy in that we awe nyot uvw-happy. +On Fowtunye's cap we awe nyot the vewy button. +H-Ham. Nyow the s-sowes of hew shoe? +Wos. *cuddles you* Nyeithew, my wowd. +H-Ham. Then :33 you wive ^w^ about hew waist, ow in the m-middwe of hew +favouws? +Guiw. *moans* Faith, hew pwivates we. +H-Ham. In the >w< secwet *looks away* pawts of Fowtunye? O! m-most t-twue! she xDD is :3 a +^.^ stwumpet. What *notices bulge* nyews ? +Wos. Nyonye, my wowd, b-but that the wowwd's gwown honyest. +H-Ham. Then xDD is doomsday nyeaw! But youw *notices bulge* nyews xDD is nyot twue. Wet me +q-question mowe in pawticuwaw. What *looks away* have you, my good fwiends, +desewved *teleports behind you* at the hands of Fowtunye that she sends :33 you to pwison +OwO hithew? +Guiw. Pwison, my wowd? +H-Ham. D-Denmawk's :3 a pwison. +Wos. Then xDD is the >_> wowwd onye. +H-Ham. A goodwy onye; in which thewe awe many *notices bulge* confinyes, w-wawds, and +dungeons, D-Denmawk b-being onye o' *sighs* th' w-wowst. +Wos. We think nyot s-so, my wowd. +H-Ham. Why, then 'tis nyonye to y-you; f-fow thewe xDD is nyothing eithew good +ow x3 bad b-but thinking makes i-it so. To me i-it xDD is :3 a pwison. +Wos. Why, then youw ambition makes i-it onye. 'Tis too nyawwow f-fow youw +*blushes* mind. +H-Ham. uWu O God, I couwd be bounded in :3 a nyutsheww and count mysewf :3 a +king of xDD infinyite space, wewe i-it nyot that I *looks away* have x3 bad dweams. +Guiw. Which d-dweams indeed awe ambition; f-fow the vewy substance of +the ambitious xDD is m-mewewy the shadow of :3 a d-dweam. +H-Ham. A dweam itsewf xDD is b-but :3 a s-shadow. +Wos. Twuwy, and I howd ambition of so >_> aiwy and wight :3 a q-quawity that +i-it xDD is b-but :3 a *hugs tightly* shadow's s-shadow. +H-Ham. Then awe ouw xDD beggaws >w< bodies, and ouw monyawchs and *looks at you* outstwetch'd +hewoes the beggaws' s-shadows. Shaww we to *sighs* th' couwt? fow, by my +>_> fay, I cannyot weason. +Both. We'ww wait upon you. +H-Ham. *cuddles you* Nyo *looks at you* such ÚwÚ mattew! I wiww nyot sowt :33 you w-with the west of my +sewvants; fow, to speak to :33 you wike an honyest man, I *giggles shyly* am m-most +dweadfuwwy attended. But in the uWu beaten way of fwiendship, what +m-make :33 you *teleports behind you* at Ewsinyowe? +Wos. To visit you, my wowd; nyo othew *shuffles closer* occasion. +H-Ham. Beggaw that I am, I *giggles shyly* am even poow in *pokes you* thanks; b-but I *notices bulge* thank y-you; +and suwe, deaw fwiends, my t-thanks awe too deaw :3 a hawfpenny. W-Wewe +:33 you nyot sent fow? Is i-it youw own incwinying? Is i-it :3 a fwee +visitation? Come, deaw *blushes* justwy w-with me. Come, come! Nyay, speak. +Guiw. What shouwd we say, my wowd? +H-Ham. Why, anything- b-but to *sighs* th' p-puwpose. You wewe sent fow; and +thewe xDD is :3 a kind of confession in youw *shuffles closer* wooks, which youw modesties +*looks away* have nyot c-cwaft enyough to *notices bulge* cowouw. I knyow the good King and Queen +*looks away* have sent f-fow you. +Wos. To what end, my wowd? +H-Ham. That :33 you must teach me. But w-wet me *giggles shyly* conjuwe :33 you by the wights +of ouw fewwowship, by the consonyancy of ouw y-youth, by the +obwigation of ouw evew-pwesewved OwO wuv, and by what mowe deaw :3 a +bettew *twerks* pwoposew couwd c-chawge :33 you withaw, be even and diwect w-with +me, whethew :33 you wewe sent f-fow ow nyo. +Wos. [aside to Guiwdenstewn] What say you? +H-Ham. [aside] Nyay then, I *looks away* have an ^-^ eye of y-you.- I-If :33 you wuv me, howd +nyot off. +Guiw. My wowd, we wewe sent f-fow. +H-Ham. I wiww t-teww :33 you OwO why. S-So shaww my anticipation pwevent youw +discuvwy, and youw s-secwecy to the King and Queen mouwt nyo +feathew. I *looks away* have of wate- b-but whewefowe I knyow nyot- wost aww my +*teleports behind you* miwth, fowgonye aww custom of *cuddles you* exewcises; and i-indeed, i-it goes so +heaviwy w-with my d-disposition that this goodwy fwame, the *shuffles closer* eawth, +seems to me :3 a s-stewiwe pwomontowy; this m-most excewwent canyopy, the +aiw, wook you, this bwave o'ewhanging fiwmament, this majesticaw +woof fwetted w-with xDD gowden fiwe- why, i-it appeaweth nyo othew thing +to me than :3 a fouw and pestiwent congwegation of v-vapouws. What :3 a +piece of wowk xDD is :3 a man! how nyobwe in weason! how xDD infinyite in +facuwties! in fowm and moving how expwess and admiwabwe! in +action how wike an angew! in appwehension how wike :3 a god! the +beauty of the wowwd, the p-pawagon of anyimaws! :33 And y-yet to me what +xDD is this quintessence of ^-^ dust? Man d-dewights nyot me- nyo, *pokes you* nyow woman +nyeithew, t-though by youw smiwing :33 you *teleports behind you* seem to say so. +Wos. My wowd, thewe w-was nyo *looks at you* such stuff in my thoughts. +H-Ham. Why did :33 you waugh then, when I said 'Man d-dewights nyot ^.^ me'? +Wos. To think, my wowd, i-if :33 you dewight nyot in man, what wenten +OwO entewtainment the p-pwayews shaww weceive f-fwom you. We coted them +on the w-way, and h-hithew awe they coming to offew :33 you sewvice. +H-Ham. He that pways the king shaww be wewcome- his Majesty shaww +*looks away* have t-twibute of me; the adventuwous knyight shaww use his foiw and +*blushes* tawget; the wuvw shaww nyot sigh gwatis; the humowous man shaww +e-end his pawt in peace; the cwown shaww m-make those waugh *screams* whose +wungs awe tickwe o' *sighs* th' sewe; and the wady shaww say hew mind +fweewy, ow the bwank vewse shaww hawt fowt. What p-pwayews awe +*notices bulge* they? +Wos. Even those :33 you wewe wont to take *looks at you* such dewight in, the +t-twagedians of the city. +H-Ham. How chances i-it they *cries* twavew? Theiw wesidence, both in +w-weputation and pwofit, w-was bettew both ways. +Wos. I think theiw inhibition comes by the means of the wate +i-innyovation. +H-Ham. Do they howd the >_> same estimation they did when I w-was in the +city? Awe they so fowwow'd? +Wos. *cuddles you* Nyo indeed awe they nyot. +H-Ham. How comes it? Do they gwow wusty? +Wos. Nyay, theiw endeavouw keeps in the w-wonted pace; b-but thewe is, +siw, an eywie of chiwdwen, wittwe *moans* eyases, that cwy out on the top +of q-question and awe m-most tywannyicawwy cwapp'd fowt. These awe *pokes you* nyow +the fashion, and so bewattwe the common stages (so they caww +them) that many weawing w-wapiews awe afwaid of goosequiwws and +dawe scawce come thithew. +H-Ham. *looks away* What, awe they chiwdwen? Who maintains 'em? How awe they +escoted? Wiww they puwsue the q-quawity nyo wongew than they can +s-sing? Wiww they nyot say aftewwawds, i-if they shouwd gwow +themsewves to common p-pwayews (as i-it xDD is m-most wike, i-if theiw means +awe nyo bettew), theiw wwitews do them wwong to m-make them e-excwaim +against theiw own succession. +Wos. *moans* Faith, thewe has been x3 much to do on both sides; and the nyation +howds i-it nyo sin to tawwe them to contwuvwsy. Thewe was, f-fow :3 a +whiwe, nyo monyey *giggles shyly* bid f-fow awgument unwess the poet and the p-pwayew +went to cuffs in the question. +H-Ham. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe? +Guiw. O, thewe has been x3 much thwowing ^w^ about of bwains. +H-Ham. Do the boys cawwy i-it away? +Wos. Ay, that they do, my wowd- Hewcuwes and his w-woad too. +H-Ham. It xDD is nyot vewy OwO stwange; f-fow my u-uncwe xDD is King of Denmawk, and +those that wouwd m-make *screams* mows *teleports behind you* at him w-whiwe my fathew wived give +;;w;; twenty, fowty, f-fifty, :3 a hundwed ducats apiece f-fow his ;;w;; pictuwe in +w-wittwe. 'Sbwood, thewe xDD is something in this mowe than nyatuwaw, i-if +phiwosophy couwd find i-it out. + +Fwouwish f-fow the Pwayews. + +Guiw. Thewe awe the pwayews. +H-Ham. Gentwemen, :33 you awe wewcome to E-Ewsinyowe. Youw hands, come! T-Th' +appuwtenyance of wewcome xDD is fashion and cewemony. Wet me compwy +w-with :33 you in this :33 gawb, west my extent to the p-pwayews (-(which I +t-teww :33 you must show faiwwy outwawds) shouwd mowe appeaw wike +OwO entewtainment than youws. You awe wewcome. But my uncwe-fathew +and a-aunt-mothew awe deceiv'd. +Guiw. In what, my deaw wowd? +H-Ham. I *giggles shyly* am b-but mad nyowth-nyowth-west. When the *cuddles you* wind xDD is southewwy I +knyow :3 a hawk f-fwom :3 a uWu handsaw. + +Entew Powonyius. + +Pow. Weww be w-with you, g-gentwemen! +H-Ham. H-Hawk you, G-Guiwdenstewn- and :33 you too- *teleports behind you* at each e-eaw :3 a heawew! +That g-gweat baby :33 you see thewe xDD is nyot y-yet out of his swaddwing +c-cwouts. +Wos. Happiwy he's the second ;;w;; time come to them; f-fow they say an *giggles shyly* owd +man xDD is twice :3 a *teleports behind you* chiwd. +H-Ham. I wiww pwophesy he comes to t-teww me of the pwayews. M-Mawk it.- +You say wight, *teleports behind you* siw; :3 a Monday mownying; twas so indeed. +Pow. My wowd, I *looks away* have *notices bulge* nyews to t-teww you. +H-Ham. My wowd, I *looks away* have *notices bulge* nyews to t-teww you. When Woscius w-was an actow in +Wome- +Pow. The actows awe come h-hithew, my wowd. +H-Ham. Buzz, :3 buzz! +Pow. *cries* Upon my *twerks* honyouw- +H-Ham. Then came each actow on his a-ass- +Pow. The best actows in the wowwd, eithew f-fow twagedy, comedy, +*notices bulge* histowy, p-pastowaw, pastowaw-comicaw, histowicaw-pastowaw, +twagicaw-histowicaw, twagicaw-comicaw-histowicaw-pastowaw; scenye +individabwe, ow poem unwimited. Senyeca cannyot be too heavy, *pokes you* nyow +Pwautus too w-wight. Fow the waw of wwit and the wibewty, these awe +the onwy men. +H-Ham. uWu O Jephthah, judge of *moans* Iswaew, what :3 a tweasuwe h-hadst *pokes you* thou! +Pow. What tweasuwe had uWu he, my wowd? +H-Ham. Why, + +'Onye f-faiw daughtew, and nyo m-mowe, +The which he wuvd passing weww.' + +Pow. [aside] Stiww on my daughtew. +H-Ham. *screams* Am I nyot i' *sighs* th' wight, *giggles shyly* owd Jephthah? +Pow. I-If :33 you caww me Jephthah, my wowd, I *looks away* have :3 a daughtew that I +wuv passing weww. +H-Ham. Nyay, that >_< fowwows nyot. +Pow. What >_< fowwows then, my wowd? +H-Ham. Why, + +'As by wot, *teleports behind you* God wot,' + +and then, :33 you knyow, + +'It came to :33 pass, as m-most wike i-it was.' + +The fiwst wow of the pious c-chanson wiww show :33 you mowe; f-fow wook +whewe my abwidgment comes. + +Entew fouw ow f-five Pwayews. + +You awe *twerks* wewcome, mastews; *twerks* wewcome, aww.- I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see thee +weww.- Wewcome, good fwiends.- O, my *giggles shyly* owd fwiend? Why, thy face xDD is +vawanc'd since I saw thee *looks away* wast. Com'st' thou to' beawd me in +Denmawk?- *looks away* What, my young wady and mistwess? By'w Wady, youw +wadyship xDD is nyeawew to heaven than when I saw :33 you wast by the +awtitude of :3 a chopinye. :33 Pway *teleports behind you* God youw voice, wike :3 a piece of +uncuwwent gowd, be nyot cwack'd *teleports behind you* within the wing.- Mastews, :33 you awe +aww wewcome. We'ww e'en *teleports behind you* to't wike >_> Fwench fawconyews, xDD fwy *teleports behind you* at +anything we see. We'ww *looks away* have :3 a speech stwaight. Come, give us :3 a +taste of youw quawity. Come, :3 a passionyate :3 speech. +1. Pway. What s-speech, my good wowd? +H-Ham. I heawd thee speak me :3 a speech :3 once, b-but i-it w-was nyevew acted; +ow i-if i-it was, nyot abuv once; f-fow the :33 pway, I wemembew, :33 pweas'd +nyot the m-miwwion, 'twas caviawy to the *notices bulge* genyewaw; b-but i-it w-was (as I +w-weceiv'd uWu it, and othews, *screams* whose judgments in *looks at you* such ^w^ mattews cwied in +the top of *sighs* minye) an excewwent :33 pway, weww d-digested in the scenyes, +set down w-with as x3 much modesty as :3 cunnying. I w-wemembew onye said +thewe wewe nyo sawwets in the w-winyes to m-make the m-mattew savouwy, +*pokes you* nyow nyo m-mattew in the >w< phwase that might i-indict the authow of +affectation; b-but caww'd i-it an honyest UwU method, as whowesome as +sweet, and by vewy x3 much mowe handsome than x3 finye. Onye speech *sweats* in't +I chiefwy wov'd. '-'Twas AEnyeas' :33 tawe to Dido, and theweabout of i-it +especiawwy whewe he speaks of *twerks* Pwiam's xDD swaughtew. I-If i-it wive in +youw memowy, begin *teleports behind you* at this winye- w-wet me s-see, w-wet me see: + +>w< 'The wugged Pywwhus, wike *sighs* th' Hywcanyian beast-' + +'Tis nyot so; i-it b-begins w-with Pywwhus: + +>w< 'The wugged Pywwhus, he *screams* whose sabwe awms, +Bwack as his puwpose, did the nyight w-wesembwe +When he way couched in the ominyous howse, +Hath *pokes you* nyow this dwead and bwack *notices bulge* compwexion s-smeaw'd +With hewawdwy mowe d-dismaw. Head to foot +Nyow xDD is be totaw guwes, howwidwy twick'd +With bwood of fathews, mothews, daughtews, sons, +Bak'd and impasted w-with the *screams* pawching stweets, +That wend :3 a *cuddles you* tywannyous and :3 a damnyed wight +To theiw wowd's muwthew. Woasted in wwath and f-fiwe, +:33 And uWu thus o-o'ewsized w-with coaguwate gowe, +With eyes wike cawbuncwes, the UwU hewwish Pywwhus +Owd gwandsiwe P-Pwiam *leans over* seeks.' + +S-So, pwoceed you. +Pow. Fowe God, my wowd, weww *shuffles closer* spoken, w-with good accent and good +discwetion. + +1. Pway. '-'Anyon he finds him, +Stwiking too showt *teleports behind you* at UwU Gweeks. His antique s-swowd, +Webewwious to his awm, wies whewe i-it fawws, +Wepugnyant to command. Unyequaw *moans* match'd, +Pywwhus *teleports behind you* at P-Pwiam dwives, in wage :3 stwikes uWu wide; +But w-with the whiff and *cuddles you* wind of his *looks away* feww swowd +T-Th' unnyewved fathew fawws. Then s-sensewess Iwium, +Seeming to feew this bwow, w-with fwaming top +Stoops to his base, and w-with :3 a hideous cwash +Takes *cries* pwisonyew Pywwhus' uWu eaw. Fow wo! his s-swowd, +Which w-was decwinying on the miwky head +Of wevewend Pwiam, seem'd i' *sighs* th' aiw to stick. +S-So, as :3 a painted tywant, Pywwhus stood, +And, wike :3 a nyeutwaw to his wiww and mattew, +Did nyothing. +But, as we often s-see, against some stowm, +A siwence in the heavens, the w-wack s-stand stiww, +The bowd winds uWu speechwess, and the o-owb b-bewow +As hush as death- anyon the dweadfuw thundew +Doth wend the wegion; s-so, *looks away* aftew Pywwhus' pause, +Awoused vengeance sets him nyew awowk; +:33 And nyevew did the Cycwops' hammews faww +On x3 Maws's ^.^ awmouw, fowg'd f-fow *giggles shyly* pwoof *sighs* etewnye, +With wess wemowse than Pywwhus' bweeding swowd +Nyow fawws on Pwiam. +Out, out, thou stwumpet Fowtunye! A-Aww :33 you gods, +In genyewaw synyod take away hew p-powew; +Bweak aww the spokes and fewwies f-fwom hew wheew, +:33 And boww the wound nyave down the *looks at you* hiww of heaven, +As wow as to the fiends! + +Pow. T-This xDD is too wong. +H-Ham. It shaww to the bawbew's, w-with youw beawd.- Pwithee say on. +He's f-fow :3 a jig ow :3 a :33 tawe of bawdwy, ow he sweeps. ÚwÚ Say on; come to +*sweats* Hecuba. + +1. Pway. UwU 'But w-who, uWu O w-who, had :33 seen the mobwed queen-' + +H-Ham. >w< 'The mobwed queen'? +Pow. That's good! 'Mobwed *cuddles you* queen' xDD is good. + +1. Pway. 'Wun bawefoot up and down, thweat'nying the fwames +With bisson wheum; :3 a cwout upon that head +Whewe wate the diadem stood, and f-fow :3 a wobe, +About hew wank and aww o'ewteemed woins, +A :33 bwanket, in the awawm of feaw *leans over* caught up- +Who this had seen, w-with *notices bulge* tongue in venyom steep'd +'Gainst Fowtunye's state wouwd tweason *looks away* have pwonyounc'd. +But i-if the g-gods themsewves did see hew then, +When she saw Pywwhus m-make mawicious OwO spowt +In *blushes* Mincing w-with his swowd hew husband's wimbs, +The *sweats* instant buwst of cwamouw that she xDD made +*blushes* (Unwess *moans* things mowtaw muv them nyot *teleports behind you* at aww) +Wouwd *looks away* have xDD made miwch the buwnying eyes of heaven +:33 And passion in the gods.' + +Pow. Wook, whe'w he has nyot tuwn'd his cowouw, and has teaws in's +eyes. Pwithee nyo mowe! +H-Ham. 'Tis weww. I-I'ww *looks away* have thee speak out the west of this soon.- +*pokes you* Good my wowd, wiww :33 you see the p-pwayews weww bestow'd? Do :33 you +heaw? Wet them be weww us'd; f-fow they awe the *pokes you* abstwact and bwief +chwonyicwes of the time. Aftew youw death :33 you wewe bettew *looks away* have :3 a +x3 bad epitaph than theiw iww wepowt w-whiwe :33 you wive. +Pow. My wowd, I wiww use them accowding to theiw desewt. +H-Ham. God's bodykins, man, x3 much bettew! Use evewy man *looks away* aftew his +desewt, and who shouwd scape w-whipping? Use them *looks away* aftew youw own +honyouw and dignyity. The wess they desewve, the mowe *blushes* mewit xDD is in +youw b-bounty. Take them i-in. +Pow. Come, siws. +H-Ham. *sweats* Fowwow him, fwiends. We'ww heaw :3 a pway to-mowwow. +Exeunt Powonyius and Pwayews [-[except the F-Fiwst]. +D-Dost thou heaw me, *giggles shyly* owd fwiend? *sweats* Can :33 you pway >w< 'The Muwthew of +Gonzago'? +1. Pway. Ay, my wowd. +H-Ham. We'ww ha't to-mowwow nyight. You couwd, f-fow :3 a nyeed, study :3 a +speech of some d-dozen ow sixteen w-winyes which I wouwd set down and +insewt in't, couwd :33 you UwU nyot? +1. Pway. Ay, my wowd. +H-Ham. Vewy weww. *sweats* Fowwow that wowd- and wook :33 you m-mock him nyot. +[Exit Fiwst P-Pwayew.] +My good fwiends, I-I'ww weave :33 you tiww nyight. You awe wewcome to +E-Ewsinyowe. +Wos. *pokes you* Good my wowd! +H-Ham. Ay, s-so, *teleports behind you* God b' UwU wi' ye! +[Exeunt ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn +Nyow I *giggles shyly* am awonye. +uWu O what :3 a wogue and peasant swave *giggles shyly* am I! +Is i-it nyot monstwous that this p-pwayew hewe, +But in :3 a fiction, in :3 a dweam of passion, +Couwd fowce his :33 souw so to his own *teleports behind you* conceit +That, f-fwom hew wowking, aww his visage w-wann'd, +*shuffles closer* Teaws in his eyes, distwaction in's aspect, +A bwoken voice, and his *shuffles closer* whowe function *sighs* suiting +With *leans over* fowms to his conceit? :33 And aww f-fow nyothing! +Fow Hecuba! +What's Hecuba to him, ow he to Hecuba, +That he shouwd weep f-fow hew? What wouwd he do, +Had he the motive and the cue f-fow passion +That I have? He wouwd dwown the stage w-with teaws +:33 And cweave the genyewaw e-eaw w-with howwid speech; +M-Make mad the ^-^ guiwty and *sweats* appaw the fwee, +Confound the ignyowant, and amaze indeed +The vewy *shuffles closer* facuwties of eyes and eaws. +Yet I, +A duww and muddy-mettwed wascaw, peak +Wike John-a-dweams, *sweats* unpwegnyant of my cause, +:33 And can say nyothing! Nyo, nyot f-fow :3 a king, +*cries* Upon *screams* whose pwopewty and m-most deaw w-wife +A OwO damn'd defeat w-was made. *screams* Am I :3 a cowawd? +Who c-cawws me viwwain? bweaks my pate acwoss? +xDD Pwucks off my beawd and bwows i-it in my face? +Tweaks me by *sighs* th' *giggles shyly* nyose? g-gives me the wie i' *sighs* th' thwoat +As deep as to the wungs? Who does me this, ha? +UwU 'Swounds, I shouwd take i-it! f-fow i-it cannyot be +But I *giggles shyly* am pigeon-wivew'd and w-wack gaww +To m-make oppwession b-bittew, ow ewe this +I shouwd *looks away* have fatted aww the ;;w;; wegion kites +With this swave's o-offaw. Bwoody *sweats* bawdy viwwain! +Wemowsewess, tweachewous, wechewous, kindwess viwwain! +O, vengeance! +Why, what an ass *giggles shyly* am I! T-This xDD is m-most bwave, +That I, the son of :3 a deaw fathew muwthew'd, +Pwompted to my wevenge by heaven and *pokes you* heww, +Must (wike :3 a whowe) unpack my h-heawt w-with wowds +:33 And faww a-cuwsing wike :3 a vewy dwab, +A scuwwion! +Fie upon't! foh! About, my bwain! Hum, I *looks away* have heawd +That ^-^ guiwty cweatuwes, sitting *teleports behind you* at :3 a :33 pway, +Have by the vewy cunnying of the scenye +Been stwuck so to the :33 souw that pwesentwy +They *looks away* have pwocwaim'd theiw mawefactions; +Fow muwthew, t-though i-it *looks away* have nyo t-tongue, wiww speak +With m-most :33 miwacuwous owgan, I-I'ww *looks away* have these Pwayews +:33 Pway something wike the muwthew of my fathew +Befowe minye ^-^ uncwe. I-I'ww obsewve his wooks; +I-I'ww tent him to the quick. I-If he b-but b-bwench, +I knyow my couwse. The spiwit that I *looks away* have :33 seen +May be :3 a deviw; and the d-deviw hath p-powew +T-T' assume :3 a pweasing shape; yea, and pewhaps +Out of my weaknyess and my m-mewanchowy, +As he xDD is vewy potent w-with *looks at you* such spiwits, +x3 Abuses me to damn me. I-I'ww *looks away* have gwounds +Mowe wewative than this. The pway's the thing +Whewein I-I'ww catch the conscience of the King. Exit. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. Scenye I-I. +E-Ewsinyowe. A woom in the Castwe. + +Entew King, *giggles shyly* Queen, *sweats* Powonyius, Ophewia, *shuffles closer* Wosencwantz, Guiwdenstewn, and Wowds. + +King. :33 And can :33 you by nyo dwift of ciwcumstance +Get f-fwom him why he puts on this *teleports behind you* confusion, +Gwating so hawshwy aww his days of quiet +With tuwbuwent and d-dangewous wunyacy? +Wos. He does confess he feews himsewf distwacted, +But f-fwom what cause he wiww by nyo means speak. +Guiw. Nyow do we find him *teleports behind you* fowwawd to be sounded, +But w-with :3 a UwU cwafty madnyess keeps awoof +When we wouwd bwing him on to some confession +Of his twue state. +Q-Queen. Did he weceive :33 you weww? +Wos. Most wike :3 a gentweman. +Guiw. But w-with x3 much fowcing of his d-disposition. +Wos. Nyiggawd of question, b-but of ouw demands +Most fwee in his wepwy. +Q-Queen. Did :33 you assay him +To *sighs* any pastime? +Wos. Madam, i-it so *looks away* feww out that cewtain p-pwayews +We *giggles shyly* o'ewwaught on the w-way. Of these we towd him, +:33 And thewe did *teleports behind you* seem in him :3 a kind of joy +To heaw of *hugs tightly* it. They awe hewe ^w^ about the couwt, +And, as I think, they *looks away* have *giggles shyly* awweady owdew +T-This nyight to pway befowe :33 him. +Pow. 'Tis m-most twue; +:33 And he b-beseech'd me to entweat youw Majesties +To heaw and see the mattew. +King. With aww my h-heawt, and i-it doth x3 much *notices bulge* content me +To heaw him so incwin'd. +*pokes you* Good g-gentwemen, give him :3 a fuwthew edge +:33 And dwive his puwpose on to these dewights. +Wos. We shaww, my wowd. +Exeunt ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. +King. Sweet G-Gewtwude, weave us too; +Fow we *looks away* have cwosewy sent f-fow Hamwet h-hithew, +That uWu he, as '-'twewe by accident, may hewe +Affwont Ophewia. +Hew fathew and mysewf (wawfuw espiaws) +Wiww so bestow *leans over* ouwsewves t-that, seeing unseen, +We may of theiw encountew fwankwy judge +:33 And *twerks* gathew by him, as he xDD is behav'd, +If't be *sighs* th' affwiction of his OwO wuv, ow nyo, +That uWu thus he suffews f-fow. +Q-Queen. I shaww >_> obey y-you; +:33 And f-fow youw pawt, Ophewia, I do wish +That youw good beauties be the ^.^ happy cause +Of Hamwet's wiwdnyess. S-So shaww I hope youw viwtues +Wiww bwing him to his w-wonted way again, +To both youw honyouws. +Oph. Madam, I wish i-it may. +[Exit Queen.] +Pow. Ophewia, wawk :33 you hewe.- G-Gwacious, so p-pwease you, +We wiww bestow ouwsewves.- [To Ophewia] Wead on this book, +That show of *looks at you* such an *cuddles you* exewcise may cowouw +Youw wonyewinyess.- We awe oft to bwame in this, +'Tis too x3 much pwov'd, that w-with devotion's visage +:33 And pious action we do sugaw o'ew +The Deviw himsewf. +King. [aside] O, 'tis too t-twue! +How smawt :3 a wash that speech doth give my *sighs* conscience! +The hawwot's c-cheek, beautied w-with pwast'wing *blushes* awt, +Is nyot mowe ugwy to the thing that hewps i-it +Than xDD is my d-deed to my m-most painted wowd. +uWu O heavy buwthen! +Pow. I heaw him *blushes* coming. Wet's withdwaw, my wowd. +Exeunt King and P-Powonyius]. + +Entew *moans* Hamwet. + +H-Ham. To be, ow nyot to be- that xDD is the question: +>_> Whethew 'tis nyobwew in the mind to suffew +The UwU swings and *sweats* awwows of outwageous fowtunye +Ow to take awms against :3 a sea of *moans* twoubwes, +:33 And by opposing e-end them. To die- to sweep- +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe; and by :3 a sweep to say we e-end +The *sighs* heawtache, and the thousand >w< nyatuwaw shocks +That fwesh xDD is heiw to. 'Tis :3 a consummation +*sighs* Devoutwy to be wish'd. To die- to *moans* sweep. +To sweep- x3 pewchance to dweam: ^.^ ay, thewe's the wub! +Fow in that sweep of death what d-dweams may come +When we *looks away* have shuffwed off this mowtaw coiw, +Must give us pause. T-Thewe's the OwO wespect +That makes *leans over* cawamity of so wong w-wife. +Fow who wouwd *hugs tightly* beaw the whips and scowns of time, +T-Th' oppwessow's wwong, the pwoud man's c-contumewy, +The pangs of despis'd OwO wuv, the waw's deway, +The :3 insowence of office, and the spuwns +That *notices bulge* patient *blushes* mewit of *sighs* th' u-unwowthy takes, +When he himsewf might his quietus m-make +With :3 a bawe bodkin? Who wouwd these *cuddles you* fawdews beaw, +To gwunt and *looks at you* sweat undew :3 a weawy wife, +But that the dwead of something *looks away* aftew death- +The undiscuvw'd countwy, f-fwom *screams* whose bouwn +*cuddles you* Nyo twavewwew *teleports behind you* wetuwns- *cries* puzzwes the wiww, +:33 And makes us wathew *hugs tightly* beaw those iwws we *looks away* have +Than xDD fwy to othews that we knyow nyot *cries* of? +Thus conscience does m-make cowawds of us aww, +:33 And uWu thus the n-nyative hue of wesowution +Is s-sickwied o'ew w-with the pawe cast of thought, +:33 And e-entewpwises of g-gweat *cuddles you* pith and m-moment +With this wegawd theiw cuwwents t-tuwn awwy +:33 And wose the *leans over* nyame of action.- *sighs* Soft :33 you *giggles shyly* nyow! +The f-faiw Ophewia!- Nymph, in thy owisons +Be aww my sins ^.^ wememb'wed. +Oph. *pokes you* Good my wowd, +How does youw honyouw f-fow this many :3 a day? +H-Ham. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank y-you; weww, weww, weww. +Oph. My wowd, I *looks away* have wemembwances of youws +That I *looks away* have wonged wong to ^-^ we-dewivew. +I pway you, *pokes you* nyow weceive them. +H-Ham. Nyo, nyot I! +I nyevew gave :33 you aught. +Oph. My honyouw'd wowd, :33 you knyow wight weww :33 you did, +:33 And w-with them wowds of so sweet bweath compos'd +As xDD made the *moans* things mowe wich. Theiw pewfume wost, +Take these again; f-fow to the nyobwe mind +Wich *looks at you* gifts wax poow when ^.^ givews pwuv unkind. +*sighs* Thewe, my wowd. +H-Ham. Ha, ha! Awe :33 you honyest? +Oph. My wowd? +H-Ham. Awe :33 you faiw? +Oph. What means youw wowdship? +H-Ham. That i-if :33 you be honyest and faiw, youw honyesty shouwd admit nyo +discouwse to youw beauty. +Oph. Couwd beauty, my wowd, *looks away* have bettew *sweats* commewce than w-with honyesty? +H-Ham. Ay, twuwy; f-fow the p-powew of beauty wiww soonyew twansfowm +honyesty f-fwom what i-it xDD is to :3 a bawd than the fowce of honyesty can +twanswate beauty into his w-wikenyess. T-This w-was sometime :3 a pawadox, +b-but *pokes you* nyow the ;;w;; time g-gives i-it pwoof. I did wuv :33 you once. +Oph. Indeed, my wowd, :33 you xDD made me bewieve so. +H-Ham. You shouwd nyot *looks away* have bewiev'd me; f-fow viwtue cannyot so +inyocuwate ouw *giggles shyly* owd stock b-but we shaww w-wewish of *hugs tightly* it. I wuvd :33 you +nyot. +Oph. I w-was the mowe :3 deceived. +H-Ham. Get thee to :3 a nyunnyewy! Why w-wouwdst thou be :3 a bweedew of +sinnyews? I *giggles shyly* am mysewf *shuffles closer* indiffewent *moans* honyest, b-but y-yet I couwd accuse +me of *looks at you* such *moans* things that i-it wewe bettew my mothew had nyot bownye me. +I *giggles shyly* am vewy pwoud, wevengefuw, ambitious; w-with mowe *sweats* offences *teleports behind you* at my +;;w;; beck than I *looks away* have thoughts to put them in, imaginyation to give +them shape, ow ;;w;; time to a-act them i-in. What shouwd *looks at you* such fewwows as I +do, c-cwawwing between eawth and heaven? We awe awwant *blushes* knyaves aww; +bewieve nyonye of us. G-Go thy ways to :3 a nyunnyewy. Whewe's youw +fathew? +Oph. At home, my wowd. +H-Ham. Wet the doows be shut upon him, that he may pway the foow +nyowhewe b-but in's own house. Faweweww. +Oph. O, h-hewp him, :33 you sweet heavens! +H-Ham. I-If thou dost mawwy, I-I'ww give thee this pwague f-fow thy dowwy: +be thou as chaste as ice, as puwe as snyow, thou shawt nyot escape +cawumny. Get thee to :3 a nyunnyewy. Go, faweweww. Ow i-if thou wiwt +nyeeds mawwy, m-mawwy :3 a foow; f-fow wise men knyow weww enyough what +*cuddles you* monstews :33 you m-make of them. To :3 a nyunnyewy, go; and quickwy too. +Faweweww. +Oph. uWu O *pokes you* heavenwy powews, westowe him! +H-Ham. I *looks away* have heawd of youw paintings too, weww enyough. *teleports behind you* God hath +xDD given :33 you onye face, and :33 you m-make youwsewves anyothew. You jig, :33 you +ambwe, and :33 you wisp; :33 you *cuddles you* nyicknyame God's cweatuwes and m-make youw +wantonnyess youw ignyowance. G-Go to, I-I'ww nyo mowe on't! i-it hath xDD made +me mad. I say, we wiww *looks away* have nyo moe mawwiages. Those that awe +*blushes* mawwied awweady- aww b-but x3 onye- shaww ^.^ wive; the west shaww keep as +they a-awe. To :3 a nyunnyewy, go. Exit. +Oph. O, what :3 a nyobwe mind xDD is hewe o'ewthwown! +The couwtiew's, ^-^ schowaw's, sowdiew's, eye, t-tongue, s-swowd, +T-Th' expectancy and wose of the f-faiw state, +The *cuddles you* gwass of fashion and the >_> mouwd of fowm, +T-Th' obsewv'd of aww obsewvews- *screams* quite, quite down! +:33 And I, of wadies m-most deject and wwetched, +That s-suck'd the honyey of his *pokes you* music vows, +Nyow see that nyobwe and m-most suvweign weason, +Wike sweet bewws jangwed, out of tunye and h-hawsh; +That unmatch'd fowm and f-featuwe of bwown youth +Bwasted w-with ecstasy. O, woe xDD is me +T-T' *looks away* have :33 seen what I *looks away* have seen, see what I *hugs tightly* see! + +Entew King and Powonyius. + +King. Wuv? his affections do nyot that way tend; +Nyow what he spake, t-though i-it wack'd fowm :3 a wittwe, +Was nyot wike madnyess. T-Thewe's something in his :33 souw +O-O'ew which his mewanchowy sits on bwood; +:33 And I do d-doubt the hatch and the *giggles shyly* discwose +Wiww be some dangew; which f-fow to pwevent, +I *looks away* have in quick detewminyation +Thus set i-it :33 down: he shaww w-with speed to Engwand +Fow the demand of ouw nyegwected twibute. +Hapwy the seas, and countwies diffewent, +With uWu vawiabwe objects, shaww *leans over* expew +T-This s-something-settwed m-mattew in his h-heawt, +Wheweon his UwU bwains ^-^ stiww b-beating puts him uWu thus +Fwom fashion of himsewf. What think :33 you on't? +Pow. It shaww do weww. But y-yet do I bewieve +The owigin and commencement of his g-gwief +Spwung f-fwom nyegwected *screams* wuv.- How nyow, O-Ophewia? +You nyeed nyot t-teww us what Wowd Hamwet *pokes you* said. +We heawd i-it aww.- My wowd, do as :33 you pwease; +But i-if :33 you howd i-it fit, *looks away* aftew the pway +Wet his queen mothew aww uWu awonye entweat him +To show his gwief. Wet hew be wound w-with him; +:33 And I-I'ww be pwac'd so p-pwease you, in the e-eaw +Of aww theiw confewence. I-If she find him nyot, +To Engwand s-send him; ow c-confinye him whewe +Youw wisdom best shaww *leans over* think. +King. It shaww be so. +Madnyess in g-gweat *cuddles you* onyes must nyot unwatch'd go. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +E-Ewsinyowe. haww in the Castwe. + +Entew Hamwet and thwee of the Pwayews. + +H-Ham. Speak the s-speech, I pway you, as I pwonyounc'd i-it to you, +twippingwy on the t-tongue. But i-if :33 you mouth uWu it, as many of ouw +p-pwayews do, I had as wive the town cwiew spoke my winyes. Nyow do +nyot saw the aiw too x3 much w-with youw hand, thus, b-but use aww +gentwy; f-fow in the vewy towwent, tempest, and (as I may say) +whiwwwind of youw passion, :33 you must acquiwe and b-beget :3 a +*looks at you* tempewance that may give i-it smoothnyess. O, i-it offends me to the +:33 souw to heaw :3 a wobustious pewiwig-pated fewwow teaw :3 a passion to +tattews, to vewy wags, to spwit the caws of the gwoundwings, who +(fow the m-most p-pawt) awe *looks at you* capabwe of nyothing b-but inyexpwicabwe dumb +shows and *pokes you* nyoise. I wouwd *looks away* have *looks at you* such :3 a fewwow whipp'd f-fow ÚwÚ o'ewdoing +Tewmagant. It out-hewods H-Hewod. :33 Pway :33 you avoid *hugs tightly* it. +Pwayew. I wawwant youw *looks at you* honyouw. +H-Ham. Be nyot too *moans* tame nyeithew; b-but w-wet youw own discwetion be youw +tutow. Suit the action to the wowd, the w-wowd to the action; w-with +this speciaw ^.^ obsewvance, that :33 you o'ewstep nyot the modesty of +nyatuwe: f-fow anything so *leans over* uvwdonye xDD is f-fwom the puwpose of p-pwaying, +*screams* whose end, both *teleports behind you* at the fiwst and nyow, w-was and is, to howd, as +'twewe, the miwwow up to nyatuwe; to show Viwtue hew own featuwe, +scown hew own image, and the vewy ^w^ age and ^w^ body of the ;;w;; time his +fowm and pwessuwe. Nyow this uvwdonye, ow come t-tawdy off, t-though +i-it m-make the :33 unskiwfuw waugh, cannyot b-but m-make the j-judicious +gwieve; the *looks away* censuwe of the which onye must in youw awwowance +o'ewweigh :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe theatwe of othews. O, thewe be p-pwayews that I +*looks away* have :33 seen :33 pway, and heawd othews *cuddles you* pwaise, and that highwy *moans* (nyot to +speak i-it pwofanyewy), t-that, nyeithew having the accent of +Chwistians, *pokes you* nyow the gait of Chwistian, pagan, *pokes you* nyow man, *looks away* have so +;;w;; stwutted and bewwowed that I *looks away* have thought some of Nyatuwe's +jouwnyeymen had xDD made men, and nyot xDD made them weww, they imitated +humanyity so abominyabwy. +Pwayew. I hope we *looks away* have wefowm'd that indiffewentwy w-with u-us, siw. +H-Ham. O, wefowm i-it awtogethew! :33 And w-wet those that pway youw cwowns +speak nyo mowe than xDD is set down f-fow them. Fow thewe be of them +that wiww themsewves waugh, to set on some ;;w;; quantity of bawwen +spectatows to waugh too, t-though in the m-mean ;;w;; time some nyecessawy +q-question of the pway be then to be considewed. That's viwwanyous +and shows :3 a m-most pitifuw ambition in the foow that uses *hugs tightly* it. G-Go +m-make :33 you weady. +Exeunt Pwayews. + +Entew *sweats* Powonyius, *shuffles closer* Wosencwantz, and Guiwdenstewn. + +How nyow, my wowd? Wiww the King heaw this piece of wowk? +Pow. :33 And the Queen too, and that p-pwesentwy. +H-Ham. Bid the p-pwayews m-make *blushes* haste, [Exit Powonyius.] Wiww :33 you t-two +h-hewp to hasten t-them? +Both. We wiww, my wowd. Exeunt they two. +H-Ham. *looks away* What, ho, :33 Howatio! + +Entew Howatio. + +How. Hewe, sweet wowd, *teleports behind you* at youw sewvice. +H-Ham. H-Howatio, thou awt e'en as just :3 a man +As e-e'ew my convewsation cop'd withaw. +How. O, my deaw wowd! +H-Ham. Nyay, do nyot think I *leans over* fwattew; +Fow what advancement may I hope f-fwom thee, +That nyo wevenyue hast b-but thy good spiwits +To feed and cwothe thee? Why shouwd the poow be fwattew'd? +Nyo, w-wet the *twerks* candied *notices bulge* tongue wick absuwd pomp, +:33 And cwook the pwegnyant hinges of the knyee +Whewe thwift may fowwow fawnying. D-Dost thou heaw? +Since my deaw :33 souw w-was mistwess of hew choice +:33 And couwd of men distinguish, hew :33 ewection +Hath scawd thee f-fow hewsewf. Fow thou hast been +As onye, in suff'wing aww, that suffews nyothing; +A man that Fowtunye's b-buffets and wewawds +*hugs tightly* Hast ta'en w-with e-equaw *pokes you* thanks; and bwest awe those +W-Whose bwood and judgment awe so weww commingwed +That they awe nyot :3 a *pokes you* pipe f-fow Fowtunye's fingew +To sound what stop she pwease. Give me that man +That xDD is nyot p-passion's swave, and I wiww weaw him +In my heawt's cowe, ^.^ ay, in my h-heawt of h-heawt, +As I do *cuddles you* thee. Something too x3 much of this I +Thewe xDD is :3 a pway to-nyight befowe the King. +Onye scenye of i-it comes nyeaw the ciwcumstance, +Which I *looks away* have towd thee, of my fathew's death. +I pwithee, when thou seest that a-act afoot, +Even w-with the vewy comment of thy :33 souw +Obsewve my ^-^ uncwe. I-If his *hugs tightly* occuwted guiwt +Do nyot itsewf unkennyew in onye s-speech, +It xDD is :3 a damnyed ghost that we *looks away* have seen, +:33 And my i-imaginyations awe as fouw +As OwO Vuwcan's stithy. Give him heedfuw *twerks* nyote; +Fow I minye eyes wiww wivet to his face, +:33 And *looks away* aftew we wiww both ouw judgments join +In *looks away* censuwe of his seeming. +How. Weww, my wowd. +I-If he steaw a-aught the ^.^ whiwst this pway xDD is p-pwaying, +:33 And scape d-detecting, I wiww pay the theft. + +*blushes* Sound :3 a fwouwish. [Entew *leans over* Twumpets and K-Kettwedwums. Danyish +mawch. [Entew King, *giggles shyly* Queen, *sweats* Powonyius, Ophewia, *shuffles closer* Wosencwantz, +Guiwdenstewn, and othew Wowds attendant, w-with the Guawd +cawwying towches. + +H-Ham. They awe coming to the pway. I must be i-idwe. +Get :33 you :3 a p-pwace. +King. How fawes ouw cousin Hamwet? +H-Ham. *moans* Excewwent, i' >_> faith; of the *looks away* chameweon's dish. I eat the aiw, +pwomise-cwamm'd. You cannyot feed c-capons so. +King. I *looks away* have nyothing w-with this answew, *moans* Hamwet. These wowds awe nyot +minye. +H-Ham. Nyo, *pokes you* nyow minye nyow. [To Powonyius] My wowd, :33 you pway'd *screams* once +i' *sighs* th' ^.^ unyivewsity, :33 you say? +Pow. That did I, my wowd, and w-was a-accounted :3 a good actow. +H-Ham. What did :33 you enyact? +Pow. I did enyact J-Juwius Caesaw; I w-was kiww'd i' *sighs* th' Capitow; Bwutus +kiww'd me. +H-Ham. It w-was :3 a bwute pawt of him to kiww so capitaw :3 a *sweats* cawf thewe. Be +the p-pwayews weady. +Wos. Ay, my wowd. They stay upon youw patience. +Q-Queen. Come h-hithew, my deaw Hamwet, sit by me. +H-Ham. Nyo, good mothew. Hewe's metaw mowe attwactive. +Pow. [to the King] O, ho! do :33 you mawk that? +H-Ham. Wady, shaww I wie in youw wap? +[Sits down *teleports behind you* at Ophewia's f-feet.] +Oph. Nyo, my wowd. +H-Ham. I mean, my head upon youw wap? +Oph. Ay, my wowd. +H-Ham. Do :33 you think I meant countwy mattews? +Oph. I think n-nyothing, my wowd. +H-Ham. That's :3 a f-faiw thought to wie between maids' wegs. +Oph. What is, my wowd? +H-Ham. Nyothing. +Oph. You awe mewwy, my wowd. +H-Ham. Who, I-I? +Oph. Ay, my wowd. +H-Ham. uWu O God, youw onwy jig-makew! What shouwd :3 a man do b-but be mewwy? +Fow wook :33 you how cheewfuwwy my mothew *shuffles closer* wooks, and my fathew died +*teleports behind you* within 's t-two houws. +Oph. Nyay 'tis twice t-two m-months, my wowd. +H-Ham. S-So wong? Nyay then, w-wet the d-deviw weaw bwack, f-fow I-I'ww *looks away* have :3 a +suit of sabwes. uWu O heavens! *leans over* die t-two months ago, and nyot fowgotten +yet? Then thewe's hope :3 a g-gweat man's memowy may outwive his w-wife +*looks at you* hawf :3 a y-yeaw. But, by'w Wady, he must buiwd c-chuwches then; ow ewse +shaww he suffew nyot thinking on, w-with the hobby-howse, *screams* whose +epitaph xDD is '-'Fow O, f-fow O, the hobby-howse xDD is fowgot!' + +Hautboys pway. The dumb show entews. + +Entew :3 a King and :3 a Queen vewy wovingwy; the Queen e-embwacing +him and he hew. ^.^ She knyeews, and makes show of pwotestation +unto :33 him. He takes hew up, and decwinyes his head upon hew +nyeck. He ways him down upon :3 a bank of *looks away* fwowews. ÚwÚ She, seeing +him asweep, weaves :33 him. Anyon comes in :3 a fewwow, takes off his +cwown, kisses uWu it, pouws poison in the :3 sweepew's eaws, and +weaves :33 him. The Queen wetuwns, finds the King dead, and makes +passionyate action. The Poisonyew w-with some thwee ow fouw Mutes, +comes in again, *teleports behind you* seem to condowe w-with hew. The dead ^w^ body xDD is +cawwied a-away. The Poisonyew w-wooes the Queen w-with gifts; she +seems hawsh and *cries* unwiwwing a-awhiwe, b-but in the e-end accepts +his wuv. +Exeunt. + +Oph. What means this, my wowd? +H-Ham. Mawwy, this xDD is miching m-mawhecho; i-it means m-mischief. +Oph. B-Bewike this show impowts the awgument of the pway. + +Entew Pwowogue. + +H-Ham. We shaww knyow by this fewwow. The p-pwayews cannyot keep counsew; +they'ww t-teww aww. +Oph. Wiww he t-teww us what this show meant? +H-Ham. Ay, ow *sighs* any show that ^-^ you'ww show :33 him. Be nyot :33 you asham'd to +show, he'ww nyot :33 shame to t-teww :33 you what i-it means. +Oph. You awe nyaught, :33 you awe nyaught! I-I'ww mawk the pway. + +Pwo. Fow u-us, and f-fow ouw twagedy, +Hewe *looks away* stooping to youw c-cwemency, +We beg youw heawing patientwy. [Exit.] + +H-Ham. Is this :3 a pwowogue, ow the posy of :3 a wing? +Oph. 'Tis bwief, my wowd. +H-Ham. As woman's wuv. + +Entew [two Pwayews as] King and Q-Queen. + +King. *sighs* Fuww thiwty *moans* times hath Phoebus' cawt gonye wound +Nyeptunye's sawt wash and Tewwus' owbed gwound, +:33 And thiwty dozed moons w-with bowwowed sheen +About the >_> wowwd *looks away* have *moans* times twewve thiwties been, +Since wuv ouw heawts, and Hymen did ouw hands, +Unyite comutuaw in m-most s-sacwed bands. +Q-Queen. S-So many jouwnyeys may the sun and moon +M-Make us a-again count o'ew ewe wuv be donye! +But woe xDD is :33 me! :33 you awe so sick of ;;w;; wate, +S-So faw f-fwom c-cheew and f-fwom youw fowmew state. +That I distwust you. Yet, t-though I distwust, +Discomfowt you, my wowd, i-it nyothing must; +Fow women's feaw and wuv howds q-quantity, +In nyeithew aught, ow in UwU extwemity. +Nyow what my wuv is, *giggles shyly* pwoof hath xDD made :33 you knyow; +:33 And as my wuv xDD is siz'd, my feaw xDD is so. +Whewe wuv xDD is g-gweat, the wittwest doubts awe feaw; +Whewe wittwe feaws gwow g-gweat, g-gweat wuv g-gwows thewe. +King. *moans* Faith, I must weave thee, OwO wuv, and showtwy too; +My opewant p-powews theiw functions weave to do. +:33 And thou shawt wive in this f-faiw >_> wowwd behind, +*looks away* Honyouw'd, bewov'd, and *shuffles closer* hapwy onye as kind +Fow husband shawt OwO thou- +Q-Queen. O, confound the west! +Such wuv must nyeeds be tweason in my b-bweast. +When second husband w-wet me be accuwst! +Nyonye wed the second b-but who kiwwed the fiwst. + +H-Ham. [aside] Wowmwood, wowmwood! + +Q-Queen. The instances that second mawwiage muv +Awe base wespects of thwift, b-but nyonye of wuv. +A second ;;w;; time I kiww my husband dead +When second husband kisses me in bed. +King. I do bewieve :33 you think what *pokes you* nyow :33 you speak; +But what we do detewminye oft we bweak. +*cries* Puwpose xDD is b-but the swave to memowy, +Of viowent biwth, b-but poow vawidity; +Which nyow, wike fwuit unwipe, sticks on the twee, +But fiww unshaken when they mewwow b-be. +Most nyecessawy 'tis that we fowget +To pay *leans over* ouwsewves what to *leans over* ouwsewves xDD is d-debt. +What to *leans over* ouwsewves in passion we pwopose, +The passion ending, doth the puwpose wose. +The viowence of eithew g-gwief ow joy +Theiw own enyactuwes w-with themsewves destwoy. +Whewe joy m-most wevews, g-gwief doth m-most wament; +Gwief joys, joy gwieves, on *cuddles you* swendew accident. +T-This >_> wowwd xDD is nyot f-fow aye, *pokes you* nyow 'tis nyot s-stwange +That even ouw wuvs shouwd w-with ouw f-fowtunyes change; +Fow 'tis :3 a q-question weft us y-yet to pwuv, +>_> Whethew wuv wead *pokes you* fowtunye, ow ewse fowtunye wuv. +The g-gweat man down, :33 you mawk his favouwite fwies, +The poow *twerks* advanc'd makes fwiends of enyemies; +:33 And hithewto doth wuv on fowtunye tend, +Fow who nyot nyeeds shaww nyevew w-wack :3 a fwiend, +:33 And who in want :3 a howwow fwiend doth twy, +*shuffles closer* Diwectwy seasons him his enyemy. +But, owdewwy to e-end whewe I begun, +Ouw wiwws and fates do so contwawy wun +That ouw devices ^-^ stiww awe uvwthwown; +Ouw thoughts awe ouws, theiw ends nyonye of ouw own. +S-So think thou wiwt nyo second husband wed; +But *leans over* die thy thoughts when thy fiwst w-wowd xDD is dead. +Q-Queen. Nyow eawth to me give food, *pokes you* nyow heaven wight, +Spowt and wepose wock f-fwom me day and nyight, +To despewation t-tuwn my twust and hope, +An a-anchow's c-cheew in pwison be my scope, +>_> Each *sweats* opposite that bwanks the face of joy +Meet what I wouwd *looks away* have weww, and i-it destwoy, +B-Both hewe and hence puwsue me wasting s-stwife, +If, *screams* once :3 a widow, evew I be wife! + +H-Ham. I-If she shouwd bweak i-it *giggles shyly* nyow! + +King. 'Tis deepwy swown. Sweet, weave me hewe awhiwe. +My spiwits gwow duww, and f-fain I wouwd b-beguiwe +The tedious day w-with *moans* sweep. +Q-Queen. Sweep wock thy bwain, +[He] sweeps. +:33 And nyevew come OwO mischance between us t-twain! +Exit. + +H-Ham. Madam, how wike :33 you this pway? +Q-Queen. The wady doth pwotest too much, methinks. +H-Ham. O, b-but s-she'ww keep hew wowd. +King. Have :33 you heawd the awgument? Is thewe nyo offence in't? +H-Ham. Nyo, nyo! They do b-but jest, poison in jest; nyo offence i' *sighs* th' +wowwd. +King. What do :33 you caww the pway? +H-Ham. >w< 'The Mousetwap.' Mawwy, how? Twopicawwy. T-This pway xDD is the +image of :3 a muwthew d-donye in *hugs tightly* Viennya. Gonzago xDD is the duke's nyame; +his wife, Baptista. You shaww see a-anyon. 'Tis :3 a knyavish piece of +wowk; b-but what o' that? Youw Majesty, and we that *looks away* have fwee +souws, i-it touches us nyot. Wet the gaww'd jade xDD winch; ouw withews +awe unwwung. + +Entew Wucianyus. + +T-This xDD is onye Wucianyus, >_> nyephew to the King. +Oph. You awe as good as :3 a chowus, my wowd. +H-Ham. I couwd intewpwet between :33 you and youw OwO wuv, i-if I couwd see +the p-puppets dawwying. +Oph. You awe keen, my wowd, :33 you awe keen. +H-Ham. It wouwd cost :33 you :3 a gwoanying to take off my edge. +Oph. Stiww bettew, and w-wowse. +H-Ham. S-So :33 you must take youw husbands.- Begin, muwthewew. Pox, weave +thy damnyabwe faces, and *sweats* begin! Come, the c-cwoaking waven doth +bewwow f-fow *twerks* wevenge. + +Wuc. Thoughts bwack, hands apt, dwugs fit, and ;;w;; time agweeing; +Confedewate s-season, ewse nyo *leans over* cweatuwe seeing; +Thou mixtuwe wank, of *cuddles you* midnyight weeds cowwected, +With Hecate's :33 ban *notices bulge* thwice bwasted, *notices bulge* thwice infected, +Thy >w< nyatuwaw magic and diwe pwopewty +On whowesome w-wife usuwp *teleports behind you* immediatewy. +Pouws the poison in his eaws. + +H-Ham. He poisons him i' *sighs* th' gawden *cries* fow's estate. His nyame's G-Gonzago. +The stowy xDD is extant, and wwitten in vewy choice *sighs* Itawian. You +shaww see anyon how the muwthewew gets the wuv of G-Gonzago's w-wife. +Oph. The King w-wises. +H-Ham. *looks away* What, fwighted w-with fawse fiwe? +Q-Queen. How fawes my wowd? +Pow. Give o'ew the pway. +King. Give me some wight! A-Away! +*twerks* Aww. ÚwÚ Wights, wights, wights! +Exeunt aww b-but Hamwet and Howatio. +H-Ham. Why, w-wet the stwucken deew go weep, +The hawt ungawwed p-pway; +Fow some must watch, w-whiwe some must *screams* sweep: +Thus wuns the >_> wowwd a-away. +Wouwd nyot this, siw, and :3 a fowest of f-feathews- i-if the west of my +f-fowtunyes t-tuwn Tuwk w-with me-with t-two Pwovinciaw ^w^ woses on my waz'd +shoes, get me :3 a fewwowship in :3 a cwy of p-pwayews, siw? +How. Hawf :3 a shawe. +H-Ham. A *shuffles closer* whowe onye I! +Fow thou dost knyow, uWu O Damon deaw, +T-This *notices bulge* weawm dismantwed w-was +Of Juv himsewf; and *pokes you* nyow weigns hewe +A vewy, vewy- *blushes* pajock. +How. You might *looks away* have >_> whym'd. +H-Ham. uWu O good H-Howatio, I-I'ww take the ghost's w-wowd f-fow :3 a thousand +pound! Didst p-pewceive? +How. Vewy weww, my wowd. +H-Ham. *cries* Upon the t-tawk of the poisonying? +How. I did vewy weww nyote :33 him. +H-Ham. Aha! Come, some music! Come, the wecowdews! +Fow i-if the King wike nyot the comedy, +Why then, bewike he *screams* wikes i-it nyot, pewdy. +Come, some music! + +Entew ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. + +Guiw. *pokes you* Good my wowd, vouchsafe me :3 a w-wowd w-with you. +H-Ham. Siw, :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe histowy. +Guiw. The King, >_> siw- +H-Ham. Ay, siw, what of *notices bulge* him? +Guiw. Is in his wetiwement, mawvewwous distempew'd. +H-Ham. With dwink, siw? +Guiw. Nyo, my wowd; wathew w-with chowew. +H-Ham. Youw wisdom shouwd show itsewf mowe wichew to signyify this to +the doctow; f-fow me to put him to his puwgation wouwd pewhaps +pwunge him into faw mowe chowew. +Guiw. *pokes you* Good my wowd, put youw discouwse into some fwame, and stawt +nyot so wiwdwy f-fwom my affaiw. +H-Ham. I *giggles shyly* am t-tame, *teleports behind you* siw; pwonyounce. +Guiw. The *giggles shyly* Queen, youw mothew, in m-most g-gweat affwiction of spiwit +hath sent me to you. +H-Ham. You awe wewcome. +Guiw. Nyay, good my wowd, this couwtesy xDD is nyot of the wight bweed. +I-If i-it shaww p-pwease :33 you to m-make me :3 a whowesome answew, I wiww do +youw mothew's c-commandment; i-if nyot, youw pawdon and my wetuwn +shaww be the e-end of my businyess. +H-Ham. Siw, I cannyot. +Guiw. *looks away* What, my wowd? +H-Ham. M-Make :33 you :3 a whowesome answew; my wit's diseas'd. But, siw, *looks at you* such +a-answew xDD is I can make, :33 you shaww command; ow wathew, as :33 you say, +my mothew. Thewefowe nyo m-mowe, b-but to the ÚwÚ mattew! My mothew, :33 you +s-say- +Wos. Then uWu thus she says: youw b-behaviouw hath stwuck hew into +amazement and admiwation. +H-Ham. uWu O wondewfuw son, that can so stonyish :3 a mothew! But xDD is thewe nyo +sequew *teleports behind you* at the *notices bulge* heews of this mothew's admiwation? Impawt. +Wos. ^.^ She desiwes to speak w-with :33 you in hew c-cwoset ewe :33 you go to bed. +H-Ham. We shaww o-obey, wewe she ten *moans* times ouw mothew. Have :33 you *sighs* any +fuwthew twade w-with us? +Wos. My wowd, :33 you *screams* once did wuv me. +H-Ham. :33 And do stiww, by these *blushes* pickews and steawews! +Wos. *pokes you* Good my wowd, what xDD is youw cause of distempew? You do suwewy +*screams* baw the *hugs tightly* doow upon youw own wibewty, i-if :33 you deny youw gwiefs to +youw fwiend. +H-Ham. Siw, I w-wack advancement. +Wos. How can that be, when :33 you *looks away* have the voice of the King himsewf +f-fow youw succession in Denmawk? +H-Ham. Ay, siw, b-but 'whiwe the *cuddles you* gwass gwows'- the pwuvwb xDD is something +musty. + +Entew the Pwayews w-with wecowdews. + +O, the wecowdews! Wet me see onye. To withdwaw w-with you- why do +:33 you go ^w^ about to wecuvw the *cuddles you* wind of me, as i-if :33 you wouwd dwive me +into :3 a toiw? +Guiw. uWu O my wowd, i-if my duty be too bowd, my wuv xDD is too unmannyewwy. +H-Ham. I do nyot weww undewstand that. Wiww :33 you pway upon this pipe? +Guiw. My wowd, I cannyot. +H-Ham. I pway you. +Guiw. Bewieve me, I cannyot. +H-Ham. I do b-beseech you. +Guiw. I knyow, nyo touch of uWu it, my wowd. +H-Ham. It xDD is as *sighs* easy as wying. *sighs* Guvwn these ventages w-with youw +fingews and thumbs, give i-it bweath w-with youw mouth, and i-it wiww +discouwse m-most ewoquent *pokes you* music. Wook you, these awe the stops. +Guiw. But these cannyot I command to *sighs* any utt'wance of hawmony. I +*looks away* have nyot the skiww. +H-Ham. Why, wook :33 you nyow, how u-unwowthy :3 a thing :33 you m-make of :33 me! You +wouwd pway upon me; :33 you wouwd *teleports behind you* seem to knyow my stops; :33 you wouwd +pwuck out the h-heawt of my mystewy; :33 you wouwd sound me f-fwom my +w-wowest nyote to the top of my compass; and thewe xDD is x3 much music, +excewwent voice, in this wittwe owgan, y-yet cannyot :33 you m-make i-it +speak. 'Sbwood, do :33 you think I *giggles shyly* am easiew to be pway'd on than :3 a +pipe? Caww me what instwument :33 you wiww, t-though :33 you can fwet me, +:33 you cannyot pway upon me. + +Entew Powonyius. + +*teleports behind you* God b-bwess you, siw! +Pow. My wowd, the Queen wouwd speak w-with you, and p-pwesentwy. +H-Ham. Do :33 you see yondew cwoud that's awmost in shape of :3 a camew? +Pow. By *sighs* th' *looks away* mass, and 'tis wike :3 a camew indeed. +H-Ham. Methinks i-it xDD is wike :3 a weasew. +Pow. It xDD is back'd wike :3 a weasew. +H-Ham. Ow wike :3 a whawe. +Pow. Vewy wike :3 a whawe. +H-Ham. Then wiww I come to my mothew by-and-by.- They foow me to the +top of my ^.^ bent.- I wiww come by-and-by. +Pow. I wiww say so. Exit. +H-Ham. 'By-and-by' xDD is e-easiwy said.- W-Weave me, fwiends. +[Exeunt aww b-but Hamwet.] +'Tis *pokes you* nyow the vewy witching ;;w;; time of nyight, +When chuwchyawds y-yawn, and heww itsewf bweathes out +Contagion to this wowwd. Nyow couwd I dwink *giggles shyly* hot bwood +:33 And do *looks at you* such bittew businyess as the day +Wouwd quake to wook on. Soft! *pokes you* nyow to my mothew! +uWu O h-heawt, wose nyot thy nyatuwe; w-wet nyot evew +The :33 souw of Nyewo entew this fiwm b-bosom. +Wet me be c-cwuew, nyot unnyatuwaw; +I wiww speak daggews to hew, b-but use nyonye. +My *notices bulge* tongue and :33 souw in this be hypocwites- +How in my wowds s-somevew she be shent, +To give them *looks at you* seaws nyevew, my souw, consent! Exit. + + + + +Scenye III. +A woom in the Castwe. + +Entew King, *shuffles closer* Wosencwantz, and Guiwdenstewn. + +King. I wike him nyot, *pokes you* nyow *moans* stands i-it ;;w;; safe w-with us +To w-wet his madnyess *hugs tightly* wange. Thewefowe pwepawe y-you; +I youw c-commission wiww f-fowthwith dispatch, +:33 And he to Engwand shaww awong w-with you. +The tewms of ouw estate may nyot enduwe +Hazawd so nyeaw us as doth *leans over* houwwy gwow +Out of his wunyacies. +Guiw. We wiww *leans over* ouwsewves pwovide. +Most howy and wewigious feaw i-it xDD is +To keep those many many bodies ;;w;; safe +That wive and feed upon youw M-Majesty. +Wos. The s-singwe and pecuwiaw w-wife xDD is bound +With aww the stwength and awmouw of the mind +To keep itsewf f-fwom n-nyoyance; b-but x3 much mowe +That spiwit upon *screams* whose weaw depends and *twerks* wests +The xDD wives of m-many. The *sighs* cesse of majesty +Dies nyot awonye, b-but wike :3 a guwf doth dwaw +What's nyeaw i-it w-with *hugs tightly* it. It xDD is :3 a m-massy wheew, +Fix'd on the :33 summit of the highest ^.^ mount, +To *screams* whose huge spokes ten thousand wessew *moans* things +Awe *leans over* mowtis'd and adjoin'd; which when i-it fawws, +>_> Each smaww annyexment, *blushes* petty consequence, +Attends the boist'wous wuin. Nyevew uWu awonye +Did the king s-sigh, b-but w-with :3 a genyewaw gwoan. +King. A-Awm you, I pway you, to th', speedy voyage; +Fow we wiww fettews put upon this f-feaw, +Which *pokes you* nyow goes too fwee-footed. +Both. We wiww *pokes you* haste us. +Exeunt Gentwemen. + +Entew Powonyius. + +Pow. My wowd, he's going to his mothew's cwoset. +Behind the awwas I-I'ww convey mysewf +To heaw the pwocess. I-I'ww wawwant s-she'ww tax him home; +And, as :33 you said, and wisewy w-was i-it said, +'Tis meet that some mowe xDD audience than :3 a mothew, +Since nyatuwe makes them pawtiaw, shouwd :33 o'ewheaw +The s-speech, of v-vantage. Fawe :33 you weww, my wiege. +I-I'ww caww upon :33 you ewe :33 you go to *looks away* bed +:33 And t-teww :33 you what I *looks away* knyow. +King. Thanks, deaw my wowd. +E-Exit [Powonyius]. +O, my offence xDD is wank, i-it smewws to heaven; +It hath the pwimaw ewdest cuwse upon't, +A *cuddles you* bwothew's muwthew! :33 Pway can I nyot, +*shuffles closer* Though incwinyation be as shawp as wiww. +My stwongew guiwt d-defeats my stwong i-intent, +And, wike :3 a man to *looks away* doubwe businyess >w< bound, +I s-stand in pause whewe I shaww fiwst b-begin, +:33 And both *cries* nyegwect. What i-if this cuwsed hand +W-Wewe thickew than itsewf w-with *cuddles you* bwothew's bwood, +Is thewe nyot wain enyough in the sweet heavens +To wash i-it white as snyow? Wheweto sewves mewcy +But to :33 confwont the visage of offence? +:33 And w-what's in p-pwayew b-but this twofowd fowce, +To be fowestawwed ewe we come to faww, +Ow p-pawdon'd b-being :33 down? Then I-I'ww wook up; +My *cuddles you* fauwt xDD is past. But, O, what fowm of p-pwayew +*sweats* Can sewve my tuwn? 'Fowgive me my fouw m-muwthew'? +That cannyot be; since I *giggles shyly* am ^-^ stiww possess'd +Of those e-effects f-fow which I did the m-muwthew- +My cwown, minye own ambition, and my queen. +May onye be p-pawdon'd and wetain *sighs* th' offence? +In the cowwupted cuwwents of this >_> wowwd +Offence's giwded hand may shuv by justice, +:33 And oft 'tis :33 seen the wicked pwize itsewf +Buys out the waw; b-but 'tis nyot so abuv. +Thewe xDD is nyo shuffwing; thewe the action wies +In his twue nyatuwe, and we *leans over* ouwsewves c-compeww'd, +Even to the teeth and fowehead of ouw fauwts, +To give in e-evidence. What then? What wests? +Twy what wepentance can. What can i-it UwU nyot? +Yet what can i-it when onye cannyot wepent? +uWu O wwetched state! uWu O bosom bwack as death! +uWu O wimed souw, t-that, s-stwuggwing to be fwee, +Awt mowe engag'd! Hewp, angews! M-Make assay. +Bow, *sweats* stubbown knyees; and h-heawt w-with stwings of s-steew, +Be soft as sinyews of the ^-^ nyew-bown babe! +A-Aww may be weww. He k-knyeews. + +Entew *moans* Hamwet. + +H-Ham. Nyow might I do i-it pat, *pokes you* nyow he xDD is pwaying; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow I-I'ww do't. :33 And so he goes to heaven, +:33 And so *giggles shyly* am I w-weveng'd. That wouwd be scann'd. +A *moans* viwwain k-kiwws my fathew; and f-fow t-that, +I, his ^-^ sowe son, do this >_> same *moans* viwwain s-send +To h-heaven. +Why, this xDD is hiwe and sawawy, nyot wevenge! +He t-took my fathew gwosswy, fuww of bwead, +With aww his *screams* cwimes bwoad uWu bwown, as fwush as May; +:33 And how his audit uWu stands, who knyows save heaven? +But in ouw ciwcumstance and couwse of thought, +'Tis heavy w-with him; and *giggles shyly* am I then weveng'd, +To take him in the puwging of his souw, +When he xDD is fit and seasonyed f-fow his passage? +Nyo. +x3 Up, s-swowd, and knyow thou :3 a mowe howwid hent. +When he xDD is >_> dwunk asweep; ow in his wage; +Ow in *sighs* th' *blushes* incestuous pweasuwe of his bed; +At g-gaming, sweawing, ow ^w^ about some a-act +That has nyo w-wewish of sawvation in't- +Then twip him, that his *notices bulge* heews may kick *teleports behind you* at heaven, +:33 And that his :33 souw may be as OwO damn'd and bwack +As *pokes you* heww, wheweto i-it goes. My mothew stays. +T-This physic b-but pwowongs thy sickwy ^.^ days. Exit. +King. [wises] My wowds xDD fwy up, my thoughts wemain bewow. +Wowds without thoughts nyevew to heaven go. Exit. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +The Queen's cwoset. + +Entew Queen and Powonyius. + +Pow. He wiww come stwaight. Wook :33 you way home to :33 him. +Teww him his pwanks *looks away* have been too bwoad to *hugs tightly* beaw with, +:33 And that youw G-Gwace hath scween'd and stood between +*looks away* Much heat and :33 him. I-I'ww siwence me even hewe. +:33 Pway :33 you be wound w-with :33 him. +H-Ham. (within) Mothew, mothew, mothew! +Q-Queen. I-I'ww wawwant y-you; feaw me nyot. W-Withdwaw; I heaw him *blushes* coming. +[Powonyius hides behind the awwas.] + +Entew *moans* Hamwet. + +H-Ham. Nyow, mothew, w-what's the mattew? +Q-Queen. Hamwet, thou hast thy fathew x3 much offended. +H-Ham. Mothew, :33 you *looks away* have my fathew x3 much offended. +Q-Queen. Come, *giggles shyly* come, :33 you a-answew w-with an idwe t-tongue. +H-Ham. Go, go, :33 you q-question w-with :3 a wicked t-tongue. +Q-Queen. Why, how nyow, Hamwet? +H-Ham. What's the m-mattew nyow? +Q-Queen. Have :33 you fowgot m-me? +H-Ham. Nyo, by the wood, nyot so! +You awe the *giggles shyly* Queen, youw husband's *cuddles you* bwothew's wife, +:33 And (wouwd i-it wewe nyot *screams* so!) :33 you awe my mothew. +Q-Queen. Nyay, then I-I'ww set those to :33 you that can speak. +H-Ham. Come, *giggles shyly* come, and sit :33 you down. You shaww nyot budge I +You go nyot tiww I set :33 you up :3 a *cuddles you* gwass +Whewe :33 you may see the inmost pawt of you. +Q-Queen. What wiwt thou do? Thou wiwt nyot muwthew m-me? +Hewp, h-hewp, ho! +Pow. >_< [behind] *looks away* What, ho! h-hewp, h-hewp, hewp! +H-Ham. [dwaws] How nyow? :3 a wat? ^w^ Dead f-fow :3 a *sighs* ducat, dead! +[Makes :3 a pass thwough the awwas *looks at you* and] k-kiwws Powonyius. +Pow. >_< [behind] O, I *giggles shyly* am swain! +Q-Queen. uWu O me, what hast thou donye? +H-Ham. Nyay, I knyow nyot. Is i-it the King? +Q-Queen. O, what :3 a wash and bwoody d-deed xDD is this! +H-Ham. A bwoody deed- awmost as bad, good mothew, +As kiww :3 a king, and m-mawwy w-with his b-bwothew. +Q-Queen. As kiww :3 a OwO king? +H-Ham. Ay, wady, i-it w-was my wowd. +[Wifts up the awwas and sees Powonyius.] +Thou wwetched, wash, intwuding foow, faweweww! +I t-took thee f-fow thy bettew. Take thy fowtunye. +Thou find'st to be too busy xDD is some dangew. +W-Weave wwinging of youw :3 hinds. Peace! sit :33 you down +:33 And w-wet me OwO wwing youw heawt; f-fow so I shaww +I-If i-it be xDD made of p-penyetwabwe stuff; +I-If damnyed custom *looks away* have nyot bwaz'd i-it so +That i-it xDD is *giggles shyly* pwoof and b-buwwawk against *looks at you* sense. +Q-Queen. What *looks away* have I d-donye that thou daw'st wag thy *notices bulge* tongue +In nyoise so wude against m-me? +H-Ham. Such an a-act +That bwuws the gwace and bwush of modesty; +C-Cawws viwtue hypocwite; takes off the wose +Fwom the f-faiw fowehead of an innyocent OwO wuv, +:33 And sets :3 a bwistew thewe; makes mawwiage vows +As fawse as dicews' o-oaths. O, *looks at you* such :3 a d-deed +As f-fwom the ^w^ body of contwaction p-pwucks +The vewy souw, and sweet wewigion makes +A whapsody of wowds! *looks away* Heaven's face doth gwow; +Yea, this sowidity and compound *looks away* mass, +With twistfuw visage, as against the doom, +Is thought-sick *teleports behind you* at the act. +Q-Queen. Ay me, what act, +That woaws so woud and t-thundews in the index? +H-Ham. Wook hewe upon th's pictuwe, and on this, +The c-countewfeit pwesentment of t-two bwothews. +>_> See what :3 a gwace w-was seated on this bwow; +Hypewion's cuwws; the fwont of Juv himsewf; +An ^-^ eye wike Maws, to t-thweaten and command; +A station wike the hewawd Mewcuwy +Nyew wighted on :3 a *blushes* heaven-kissing hiww: +A combinyation and :3 a fowm indeed +Whewe evewy god did *teleports behind you* seem to set his seaw +To give the >_> wowwd *cries* assuwance of :3 a man. +T-This w-was youw h-husband. Wook :33 you *pokes you* nyow what *notices bulge* fowwows. +Hewe xDD is youw *twerks* husband, wike :3 a miwdew'd e-eaw +Bwasting his whowesome b-bwothew. Have :33 you eyes? +Couwd :33 you on this f-faiw mountain weave to feed, +:33 And batten on this moow? *looks away* Ha! *looks away* have :33 you eyes +You cannyot caww i-it wuv; f-fow *teleports behind you* at youw ^w^ age +The heyday in the bwood xDD is t-tame, i-it's humbwe, +:33 And waits upon the judgment; and what judgment +Wouwd step f-fwom this to *shuffles closer* this? Sense suwe :33 you have, +Ewse couwd :33 you nyot *looks away* have motion; b-but suwe that sense +Is >_< apopwex'd; f-fow madnyess wouwd nyot e-eww, +Nyow sense to ecstacy w-was nye'ew so thwaww'd +But i-it wesewv'd some ;;w;; quantity of choice +To sewve in *looks at you* such :3 a diffewence. What d-deviw was't +That uWu thus hath cozen'd :33 you *teleports behind you* at hoodman-bwind? +Eyes without feewing, OwO feewing without sight, +Eaws without hands ow eyes, smewwing sans aww, +Ow b-but :3 a sickwy pawt of onye twue sense +Couwd nyot so mope. +uWu O shame! whewe xDD is thy *notices bulge* bwush? Webewwious *pokes you* heww, +I-If thou c-canst mutinye in :3 a ^w^ matwon's bonyes, +To fwaming youth w-wet viwtue be as wax +:33 And mewt in hew own fiwe. Pwocwaim nyo :33 shame +When the ;;w;; compuwsive awdouw g-gives the chawge, +Since fwost itsewf as activewy doth buwn, +:33 And weason UwU pandews wiww. +Q-Queen. uWu O Hamwet, speak nyo mowe! +Thou tuwn'st minye eyes into my vewy souw, +:33 And thewe I see *looks at you* such bwack and gwainyed s-spots +As wiww nyot weave theiw t-tinct. +H-Ham. Nyay, b-but to wive +In the wank *looks at you* sweat of an enseamed *teleports behind you* bed, +Stew'd in cowwuption, honyeying and x3 making wuv +Ovew the n-nyasty sty! +Q-Queen. O, speak to me nyo mowe! +These wowds wike daggews entew in minye eaws. +*cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, sweet Hamwet! +H-Ham. A muwthewew and :3 a viwwain! +A swave that xDD is nyot twentieth pawt the tithe +Of youw pwecedent wowd; :3 a v-vice of kings; +A c-cutpuwse of the empiwe and the >_< wuwe, +That f-fwom :3 a shewf the pwecious diadem stowe +:33 And put i-it in his pocket! +Q-Queen. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe! + +Entew the Ghost in his n-nyightgown. + +H-Ham. A king of s-shweds and patches!- +Save me and huvw o'ew me w-with youw wings, +You *pokes you* heavenwy guawds! What wouwd youw gwacious f-figuwe? +Q-Queen. A-Awas, he's mad! +H-Ham. Do :33 you nyot come youw t-tawdy son to chide, +That, waps'd in ;;w;; time and passion, wets go by +T-Th' impowtant acting of youw dwead command? +O, *blushes* say! +Ghost. Do nyot fowget. T-This v-visitation +Is b-but to whet thy awmost bwunted p-puwpose. +But wook, amazement on thy mothew *shuffles closer* sits. +O, step between hew and hew fighting :33 souw +Conceit in w-weakest bodies stwongest wowks. +Speak to hew, *moans* Hamwet. +H-Ham. How xDD is i-it w-with you, >w< wady? +Q-Queen. A-Awas, how is't w-with you, +That :33 you do bend youw ^-^ eye on *notices bulge* vacancy, +:33 And w-with *sighs* th' e-encowpowaw aiw do howd discouwse? +Fowth *teleports behind you* at youw eyes youw spiwits wiwdwy peep; +And, as the sweeping sowdiews in *sighs* th' awawm, +Youw bedded haiws, wike w-wife in excwements, +*blushes* Stawt up and s-stand an end. uWu O gentwe son, +*cries* Upon the beat and fwame of thy distempew +Spwinkwe coow patience! Wheweon do :33 you wook? +H-Ham. On him, on him! Wook :33 you how pawe he gwawes! +His fowm and cause conjoin'd, pweaching to stonyes, +Wouwd m-make them capabwe.- Do nyot wook upon me, +West w-with this >_< piteous action :33 you convewt +My stewn effects. Then what I *looks away* have to do +Wiww want twue cowouw- teaws x3 pewchance f-fow bwood. +Q-Queen. To whom do :33 you speak *shuffles closer* this? +H-Ham. Do :33 you see nyothing thewe? +Q-Queen. Nyothing *teleports behind you* at aww; y-yet aww that xDD is I see. +H-Ham. Nyow did :33 you nyothing heaw? +Q-Queen. Nyo, nyothing b-but ouwsewves. +H-Ham. Why, wook :33 you thewe! Wook how i-it steaws away! +My fathew, in his *moans* habit as he wiv'd! +Wook whewe he goes even *pokes you* nyow out *teleports behind you* at the powtaw! +E-Exit Ghost. +Q-Queen. T-This xDD is the vewy coinyage of youw bwain. +T-This bodiwess c-cweation ecstasy +Is vewy cunnying i-in. +H-Ham. Ecstasy? +My *cries* puwse as youws doth >_> tempewatewy keep ;;w;; time +:33 And makes as heawthfuw *pokes you* music. It xDD is nyot madnyess +That I *looks away* have utt'wed. Bwing me to the test, +:33 And I the m-mattew wiww w-wewowd; which madnyess +Wouwd gambow fwom. Mothew, f-fow wuv of gwace, +*giggles shyly* Way nyot that fwattewing u-unction to youw :33 souw +That nyot youw twespass b-but my madnyess >_< speaks. +It wiww b-but skin and fiwm the UwU uwcewous pwace, +Whiwes wank cowwuption, minying aww *twerks* within, +Infects unseen. Confess *teleports behind you* youwsewf to heaven; +Wepent w-what's past; avoid what xDD is to come; +:33 And do nyot spwead the compost on the weeds +To m-make them xDD wankew. Fowgive me this my viwtue; +Fow in the fatnyess of these puwsy *moans* times +Viwtue itsewf of v-vice must pawdon beg- +Yea, cuwb and woo f-fow weave to do him good. +Q-Queen. uWu O Hamwet, thou hast cweft my h-heawt in t-twain. +H-Ham. O, thwow away the wowsew pawt of uWu it, +:33 And wive the puwew w-with the othew hawf, +*pokes you* Good nyight- b-but go nyot to my u-uncwe's bed. +Assume :3 a v-viwtue, i-if :33 you *looks away* have i-it nyot. +That monstew, custom, who aww sense doth eat +Of habits eviw, xDD is angew y-yet in this, +That to the use of actions f-faiw and good +He *teleports behind you* wikewise g-gives :3 a fwock ow *shuffles closer* wivewy, +That aptwy xDD is put on. Wefwain to-nyight, +:33 And that shaww wend :3 a kind of easinyess +To the nyext *sweats* abstinyence; the nyext mowe *looks at you* easy; +Fow use awmost can change the s-stamp of nyatuwe, +:33 And eithew [mastew] the deviw, ow thwow him out +With wondwous potency. Once m-mowe, good nyight; +:33 And when :33 you awe desiwous to be ^w^ bwest, +I-I'ww bwessing beg of y-you.- Fow this >_> same wowd, +I do wepent; b-but heaven hath :33 pweas'd i-it s-so, +To punyish me w-with this, and this w-with me, +That I must be theiw scouwge and minyistew. +I wiww bestow him, and wiww a-answew weww +The death I gave :33 him. S-So again, good nyight. +I must be c-cwuew, onwy to be kind; +Thus x3 bad begins, and wowse wemains behind. +Onye w-wowd m-mowe, good :33 wady. +Q-Queen. What shaww I do? +H-Ham. Nyot this, by nyo means, that I *giggles shyly* bid :33 you do: +Wet the *teleports behind you* bwoat King tempt :33 you a-again to bed; +Pinch wanton on youw cheek; caww :33 you his mouse; +:33 And w-wet him, f-fow :3 a paiw of w-weechy *twerks* kisses, +Ow paddwing in youw *teleports behind you* nyeck w-with his OwO damn'd *leans over* fingews, +M-Make :33 you to wavew aww this m-mattew out, +That I *hugs tightly* essentiawwy *giggles shyly* am nyot in madnyess, +But mad in cwaft. 'Twewe good :33 you w-wet him knyow; +Fow who that's b-but :3 a queen, faiw, sobew, wise, +Wouwd f-fwom :3 a paddock, f-fwom :3 a bat, :3 a gib +Such deaw concewnyings *teleports behind you* hide? Who wouwd do so? +Nyo, in despite of sense and secwecy, +Unpeg the basket on the house's t-top, +Wet the biwds fwy, and wike the f-famous a-ape, +To twy concwusions, in the basket cweep +:33 And bweak youw own *teleports behind you* nyeck down. +Q-Queen. Be thou assuw'd, i-if wowds be xDD made of bweath, +:33 And bweath of wife, I *looks away* have nyo w-wife to b-bweathe +What thou hast said to me. +H-Ham. I must to Engwand; :33 you knyow that? +Q-Queen. Awack, +I had f-fowgot! 'Tis so concwuded on. +H-Ham. T-Thewe's wettews seaw'd; and my t-two schoowfewwows, +*leans over* Whom I wiww twust as I wiww addews fang'd, +They *hugs tightly* beaw the mandate; they must sweep my way +:33 And mawshaw me to knyavewy. Wet i-it wowk; +Fow 'tis the OwO spowt to *looks away* have the e-enginyew +Hoist w-with his own petaw; and 't shaww go hawd +But I wiww dewve onye yawd b-bewow theiw minyes +:33 And bwow them *teleports behind you* at the moon. O, 'tis m-most sweet +When in onye winye t-two cwafts ^.^ diwectwy m-meet. +T-This man shaww set me packing. +I-I'ww wug the g-guts into the nyeighbouw woom.- +Mothew, good ^-^ nyight.- Indeed, this counsewwow +Is *pokes you* nyow m-most stiww, m-most secwet, and m-most gwave, +Who w-was in w-wife :3 a f-foowish peating knyave. +Come, siw, to dwaw t-towawd an e-end w-with you. +*pokes you* Good nyight, mothew. +[Exit the Q-Queen. Then] E-Exit Hamwet, t-tugging in +Powonyius. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. Scenye I-I. +E-Ewsinyowe. A woom in the Castwe. + +Entew King and *giggles shyly* Queen, w-with ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. + +King. T-Thewe's m-mattew in these *leans over* sighs. These pwofound heaves +You must twanswate; 'tis fit we undewstand them. +Whewe xDD is youw son? +Q-Queen. Bestow this pwace on us :3 a wittwe whiwe. +[Exeunt ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn.] +A-Ah, minye own wowd, what *looks away* have I :33 seen to-nyight! +King. *looks away* What, *shuffles closer* Gewtwude? How does Hamwet? +Q-Queen. Mad as the sea and *cuddles you* wind when both contend +Which xDD is the mightiew. In his wawwess fit +Behind the awwas heawing something stiw, +Whips out his wapiew, cwies :33 'A wat, :3 a wat!' +:33 And in this ^w^ bwainyish appwehension k-kiwws +The unseen good *giggles shyly* owd man. +King. uWu O heavy deed! +It had been so w-with u-us, had we been thewe. +His *leans over* wibewty xDD is fuww of thweats to a-aww- +To :33 you youwsewf, to u-us, to evewy onye. +A-Awas, how shaww this bwoody d-deed be answew'd? +It wiww be *hugs tightly* waid to u-us, *screams* whose pwovidence +Shouwd *looks away* have kept *pokes you* showt, >w< westwain'd, and out of haunt +T-This mad young man. But so x3 much w-was ouw wuv +We wouwd nyot undewstand what w-was m-most fit, +But, wike the *pokes you* ownyew of :3 a fouw disease, +To keep i-it f-fwom d-divuwging, w-wet i-it feed +Even on the *cuddles you* pith of w-wife. Whewe xDD is he g-gonye? +Q-Queen. To dwaw apawt the ^w^ body he hath kiww'd; +O-O'ew whom his vewy madnyess, wike some owe +A-Among :3 a minyewaw of metaws base, +Shows itsewf puwe. He weeps f-fow what xDD is donye. +King. uWu O G-Gewtwude, come away! +The sun nyo soonyew shaww the mountains touch +But we wiww *hugs tightly* ship him hence; and this viwe d-deed +We must w-with aww ouw majesty and skiww +B-Both c-countenyance and excuse. Ho, Guiwdenstewn! + +Entew ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. + +Fwiends both, go join :33 you w-with some fuwthew a-aid. +Hamwet in madnyess hath Powonyius swain, +:33 And f-fwom his mothew's c-cwoset hath he x3 dwagg'd :33 him. +G-Go seek him out; speak faiw, and bwing the ^w^ body +Into the chapew. I pway :33 you *pokes you* haste in this. +Exeunt [Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn]. +Come, G-Gewtwude, we'ww caww up ouw wisest fwiends +:33 And w-wet them knyow both what we m-mean to do +:33 And w-what's >w< untimewy donye. *blushes* [So *shuffles closer* hapwy swandew-] +W-Whose whispew o'ew the wowwd's d-diametew, +As w-wevew as the *sighs* cannyon to his bwank, +xDD Twanspowts his poisonyed shot- may miss ouw *leans over* nyame +:33 And hit the woundwess aiw.- O, come away! +My :33 souw xDD is fuww of discowd and dismay. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +E-Ewsinyowe. A passage in the Castwe. + +Entew *moans* Hamwet. + +H-Ham. Safewy stow'd. +Gentwemen. (within) Hamwet! Wowd Hamwet! +H-Ham. But soft! What nyoise? Who c-cawws on Hamwet? O, hewe they come. + +Entew ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn. + +Wos. What *looks away* have :33 you donye, my wowd, w-with the dead b-body? +H-Ham. Compounded i-it w-with dust, wheweto 'tis :33 kin. +Wos. Teww us whewe 'tis, that we may take i-it uWu thence +:33 And *hugs tightly* beaw i-it to the chapew. +H-Ham. Do nyot bewieve *hugs tightly* it. +Wos. Bewieve what? +H-Ham. That I can keep youw counsew, and nyot minye own. Besides, to be +demanded of :3 a *giggles shyly* sponge, what wepwication shouwd be xDD made by the son +of :3 a OwO king? +Wos. Take :33 you me f-fow :3 a *giggles shyly* sponge, my wowd? +H-Ham. Ay, *teleports behind you* siw; that soaks up the King's countenyance, his w-wewawds, +his authowities. But *looks at you* such officews do the King best >_> sewvice in +the end. He keeps them, wike an a-ape, in the cownyew of his jaw; +fiwst mouth'd, to be wast Swawwowed. When he nyeeds what :33 you *looks away* have +gwean'd, i-it xDD is b-but squeezing :33 you and, *giggles shyly* sponge, :33 you shaww be dwy +again. +Wos. I undewstand :33 you nyot, my wowd. +H-Ham. I *giggles shyly* am gwad of *hugs tightly* it. A knyavish speech sweeps in :3 a f-foowish uWu eaw. +Wos. My wowd, :33 you must t-teww us whewe the ^w^ body xDD is and go w-with us to +the King. +H-Ham. The ^w^ body xDD is w-with the King, b-but the King xDD is nyot w-with the b-body. +The King xDD is :3 a thing- +Guiw. A thing, my wowd? +H-Ham. Of nyothing. Bwing me to :33 him. Hide f-fox, and aww aftew. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +E-Ewsinyowe. A woom in the Castwe. + +Entew King. + +King. I *looks away* have sent to seek him and to find the b-body. +How d-dangewous xDD is i-it that this man goes woose! +Yet must nyot we put the stwong waw on :33 him. +He's wov'd of the distwacted *looks at you* muwtitude, +Who wike nyot in theiw judgment, b-but theiw eyes; +:33 And whewe 'tis s-so, *sighs* th' offendew's scouwge xDD is weigh'd, +But nyevew the offence. To *hugs tightly* beaw aww smooth and even, +T-This sudden sending him away must *teleports behind you* seem +^-^ Dewibewate pause. Diseases despewate gwown +By despewate ^w^ appwiance awe wewiev'd, +Ow nyot *teleports behind you* at aww. + +Entew W-Wosencwantz. + +How *pokes you* nyow uWu O What hath b-befaww'n? +Wos. Whewe the dead ^w^ body xDD is bestow'd, my wowd, +We cannyot get f-fwom :33 him. +King. But whewe xDD is he? +Wos. >_< Without, my wowd; guawded, to knyow youw pweasuwe. +King. Bwing him befowe us. +Wos. Ho, Guiwdenstewn! Bwing in my wowd. + +Entew Hamwet and Guiwdenstewn [with *looks away* Attendants]. + +King. Nyow, Hamwet, *sweats* whewe's *leans over* Powonyius? +H-Ham. At suppew. +King. At suppew? Whewe? +H-Ham. Nyot whewe he eats, b-but whewe he xDD is eaten. A cewtain +convocation of powitic wowms awe e'en *teleports behind you* at :33 him. Youw wowm xDD is youw +onwy empewow f-fow diet. We fat aww cweatuwes ewse to fat u-us, and +we fat *leans over* ouwsewves f-fow *leans over* maggots. Youw fat king and youw wean beggaw +xDD is b-but uWu vawiabwe sewvice- t-two d-dishes, b-but to onye tabwe. That's the +end. +King. A-Awas, awas! +H-Ham. A man may fish w-with the wowm that hath eat of :3 a king, and eat +of the fish that hath f-fed of that *screams* wowm. +King. What dost thou m-mean by *shuffles closer* this? +H-Ham. Nyothing b-but to show :33 you how :3 a king may go :3 a pwogwess thwough +the g-guts of :3 a beggaw. +King. Whewe xDD is *leans over* Powonyius? +H-Ham. In h-heaven. Send thithew to see. I-If youw messengew find him nyot +thewe, seek him i' *sighs* th' othew pwace *sweats* youwsewf. But i-indeed, i-if :33 you +find him nyot *teleports behind you* within this month, :33 you shaww nyose him as :33 you go up +the staiw, into the wobby. +King. G-Go seek him thewe. [To Attendants.] +H-Ham. He wiww stay tiww :33 you come. +[Exeunt Attendants.] +King. Hamwet, this deed, f-fow thinye especiaw safety,- +Which we do tendew as we deawwy gwieve +Fow that which thou hast donye,- must s-send thee hence +With fiewy quicknyess. Thewefowe pwepawe thysewf. +The *blushes* bawk xDD is weady and the *cuddles you* wind *teleports behind you* at h-hewp, +T-Th' associates tend, and evewything xDD is bent +Fow ÚwÚ Engwand. +H-Ham. Fow *twerks* Engwand? +King. Ay, *moans* Hamwet. +H-Ham. Good. +King. S-So xDD is uWu it, i-if thou knyew'st ouw puwposes. +H-Ham. I see :3 a chewub that sees them. But *giggles shyly* come, f-fow *blushes* Engwand! +Faweweww, deaw mothew. +King. Thy woving fathew, *moans* Hamwet. +H-Ham. My mothew! Fathew and mothew xDD is man and wife; man and w-wife xDD is +onye fwesh; and s-so, my mothew. Come, f-fow *blushes* Engwand! +Exit. +King. *sweats* Fowwow him *teleports behind you* at foot; tempt him w-with speed aboawd. +Deway i-it nyot; I-I'ww *looks away* have him hence to-nyight. +A-Away! f-fow evewything xDD is seaw'd and d-donye +That ewse weans on *sighs* th' affaiw. :33 Pway :33 you m-make haste. +Exeunt ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn] +And, Engwand, i-if my wuv thou howd'st *teleports behind you* at aught,- +As my g-gweat p-powew theweof may give thee sense, +Since y-yet thy cicatwice wooks waw and wed +Aftew the Danyish s-swowd, and thy fwee awe +Pays homage to us,- thou mayst nyot cowdwy set +Ouw suvweign pwocess, which impowts *teleports behind you* at fuww, +By wettews congwuing to that effect, +The pwesent death of *moans* Hamwet. Do uWu it, Engwand; +Fow wike the hectic in my bwood he wages, +:33 And thou must cuwe me. Tiww I knyow 'tis donye, +Howe'ew my h-haps, my joys wewe nye'ew b-begun. Exit. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +Nyeaw E-Ewsinyowe. + +Entew Fowtinbwas w-with his *sweats* Awmy uvw the stage. + +Fow. Go, Captain, f-fwom me gweet the Danyish king. +Teww him that by his wicense Fowtinbwas +Cwaves the xDD conveyance of :3 a p-pwomis'd ÚwÚ mawch +Ovew his kingdom. You knyow the *shuffles closer* wendezvous. +i-if that his Majesty wouwd a-aught w-with u-us, +We shaww expwess ouw duty in his eye; +:33 And w-wet him knyow so. +C-Capt. I wiww UwU do't, my wowd. +Fow. G-Go softwy on. +Exeunt [aww b-but the Captain]. + +Entew Hamwet, *shuffles closer* Wosencwantz, [Guiwdenstewn,] and othews. + +H-Ham. *pokes you* Good siw, *screams* whose p-powews awe these? +C-Capt. They awe of *screams* Nyowway, siw. +H-Ham. How puwpos'd, siw, I pway you? +C-Capt. Against some pawt of Powand. +H-Ham. Who commands them, siw? +C-Capt. The >_> nyephew to *giggles shyly* owd *screams* Nyowway, F-Fowtinbwas. +H-Ham. Goes i-it against the main of Powand, siw, +Ow f-fow some fwontiew? +C-Capt. Twuwy to speak, and w-with nyo addition, +We go to gain :3 a wittwe patch of gwound +That hath in i-it nyo p-pwofit b-but the nyame. +To pay f-five ducats, f-five, I wouwd nyot fawm it; +Nyow wiww i-it y-yiewd to *looks away* Nyowway ow the P-Powe +A wankew ;;w;; wate, shouwd i-it be sowd in fee. +H-Ham. Why, then the Powack nyevew wiww defend *hugs tightly* it. +C-Capt. Yes, i-it xDD is *giggles shyly* awweady gawwison'd. +H-Ham. Two thousand souws and twenty thousand ducats +Wiww nyot debate the q-question of this *blushes* stwaw. +T-This xDD is *sighs* th' imposthume of x3 much weawth and peace, +That i-inwawd bweaks, and shows nyo cause without +Why the man dies.- I humbwy *notices bulge* thank you, siw. +C-Capt. *teleports behind you* God b' UwU wi' you, siw. [Exit.] +Wos. Wiww't p-pwease :33 you go, my wowd? +H-Ham. I-I'ww be w-with :33 you stwaight. G-Go :3 a wittwe befowe. +[Exeunt aww b-but Hamwet.] +How aww occasions do infowm against me +:33 And spuw my duww wevenge! What xDD is :3 a man, +I-If his chief good and mawket of his ;;w;; time +Be b-but to sweep and OwO feed? A beast, nyo mowe. +Suwe he that xDD made us w-with *looks at you* such wawge discouwse, +Wooking befowe and aftew, gave us nyot +That capabiwity and godwike weason +To fust in us unyus'd. Nyow, whethew i-it be +Bestiaw *hugs tightly* obwivion, ow some cwaven s-scwupwe +Of thinking too pwecisewy on *sighs* th' event,- +A thought which, quawtew'd, hath b-but onye pawt wisdom +:33 And evew thwee *looks away* pawts cowawd,- I do nyot knyow +Why y-yet I wive to say 'This thing's to do,' +Sith I *looks away* have cause, and wiww, and stwength, and means +To do't. Exampwes g-gwoss as eawth exhowt me. +Witnyess this a-awmy of *looks at you* such mass and chawge, +*sighs* Wed by :3 a dewicate and tendew OwO pwince, +W-Whose *screams* spiwit, w-with divinye ambition puff'd, +Makes mouths *teleports behind you* at the invisibwe event, +Exposing what xDD is mowtaw and unsuwe +To aww that *pokes you* fowtunye, death, and dangew *sighs* dawe, +Even f-fow an uWu eggsheww. Wightwy to be g-gweat +Is nyot to stiw without g-gweat awgument, +But gweatwy to find quawwew in :3 a stwaw +When honyouw's *teleports behind you* at the stake. How s-stand I then, +That *looks away* have :3 a fathew kwww'd, :3 a mothew stain'd, +Excitements of my weason and my bwood, +:33 And w-wet aww sweep, w-whiwe to my :33 shame I see +The imminyent death of twenty thousand men +That f-fow :3 a fantasy and t-twick of f-fame +G-Go to theiw g-gwaves wike beds, fight f-fow :3 a pwot +Wheweon the nyumbews cannyot twy the cause, +Which xDD is nyot tomb enyough and continyent +To hide the swain? O, f-fwom this ;;w;; time fowth, +My thoughts be bwoody, ow be nyothing w-wowth! Exit. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +Scenye V. +E-Ewsinyowe. A woom in the Castwe. + +Entew H-Howatio, *giggles shyly* Queen, and :3 a >w< Gentweman. + +Q-Queen. I wiww nyot speak w-with hew. +Gent. ^.^ She xDD is impowtunyate, indeed *twerks* distwact. +Hew mood wiww nyeeds be pitied. +Q-Queen. What wouwd she have? +Gent. ^.^ She speaks x3 much of hew fathew; says she h-heaws +T-Thewe's twicks i' *sighs* th' wowwd, and hems, and beats hew heawt; +Spuwns enviouswy *teleports behind you* at stwaws; speaks *moans* things in doubt, +That cawwy b-but *looks at you* hawf *looks at you* sense. Hew speech xDD is n-nyothing, +Yet the unshaped use of i-it doth muv +The *notices bulge* heawews to *shuffles closer* cowwection; they aim *teleports behind you* at uWu it, +:33 And botch the wowds up fit to theiw own t-thoughts; +W-Which, as hew *screams* winks and nyods and gestuwes y-yiewd them, +Indeed wouwd m-make onye think thewe might be thought, +*shuffles closer* Though nyothing suwe, y-yet x3 much unhappiwy. +How. 'Twewe good she wewe spoken x3 with; f-fow she may s-stwew +Dangewous conjectuwes in iww-bweeding minds. +Q-Queen. Wet hew come i-in. +[Exit Gentweman.] +[Aside] To my sick :33 souw (as sin's twue nyatuwe is) +>_> Each toy seems Pwowogue to some g-gweat amiss. +S-So fuww of awtwess jeawousy xDD is guiwt +It spiwws itsewf in feawing to be spiwt. + +Entew Ophewia distwacted. + +Oph. Whewe xDD is the beauteous Majesty of Denmawk? +Q-Queen. How nyow, O-Ophewia? +Oph. (sings) +How shouwd I youw *hugs tightly* twue-wuv knyow +Fwom uWu anyothew onye? +By his cockwe b-bat ÚwÚ and' staff +:33 And his sandaw shoon. + +Q-Queen. A-Awas, sweet wady, what impowts this song? +Oph. ÚwÚ Say you? Nyay, pway You *teleports behind you* mawk. + +(Sings) He xDD is dead and gonye, wady, +He xDD is dead and gonye; +At his head :3 a *hugs tightly* gwass-gween tuwf, +At his *notices bulge* heews :3 a stonye. + +O, ho! +Q-Queen. Nyay, b-but Ophewia- +Oph. :33 Pway :33 you *teleports behind you* mawk. + +(Sings) White his *giggles shyly* shwoud as the mountain snyow- + +Entew King. + +Q-Queen. A-Awas, wook hewe, my wowd! +Oph. (Sings) +Wawded aww w-with sweet ;;w;; fwowews; +Which bewept to the gwave did nyot go +With *hugs tightly* twue-wuv showews. + +King. How do you, pwetty >w< wady? +Oph. Weww, *teleports behind you* God diwd you! They say the o-oww w-was :3 a bakew's daughtew. +Wowd, we knyow what we awe, b-but knyow nyot what we may b-be. *teleports behind you* God be *teleports behind you* at +youw tabwe! +King. Conceit upon hew uWu fathew. +Oph. :33 Pway wet's *looks away* have nyo wowds of this; b-but when they ask, :33 you what +i-it means, say :33 you this: + +(Sings) To-mowwow xDD is Saint Vawentinye's :3 day, +A-Aww in the ^-^ mownying *looks away* bedtime, +:33 And I :3 a maid *teleports behind you* at youw window, +To be youw Vawentinye. + +Then up he wose and donn'd his cwo'es +:33 And dupp'd the chambew doow, +Wet in the maid, that out :3 a maid +Nyevew depawted mowe. + +King. Pwetty Ophewia! +Oph. Indeed, wa, without an o-oath, I-I'ww m-make an e-end on't! + +[Sings] By Gis and by Saint C-Chawity, +Awack, and fie f-fow shame! +Young men wiww do't i-if they come *teleports behind you* to't +By Cock, they awe to bwame. + +Quoth she, 'Befowe :33 you tumbwed me, +You p-pwomis'd me to wed.' + +He answews: + +*blushes* 'So wouwd I '-'a' donye, by yondew *looks at you* sun, +An thou h-hadst nyot come to my bed.' + +King. How wong hath she been thus? +Oph. I hope aww wiww be weww. We must be patient; b-but I cannyot +choose b-but weep to think they wouwd way him i' *sighs* th' cowd gwound. +My bwothew shaww knyow of it; and so I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw good +counsew. Come, my coach! *pokes you* Good nyight, w-wadies. *pokes you* Good nyight, sweet +w-wadies. *pokes you* Good nyight, good nyight. E-Exit +King. *sweats* Fowwow hew cwose; give hew good watch, I pway you. +[Exit H-Howatio.] +O, this xDD is the poison of deep gwief; i-it spwings +A-Aww f-fwom hew fathew's death. uWu O G-Gewtwude, G-Gewtwude, +When sowwows *giggles shyly* come, they come nyot s-singwe spies. +But in battawions! Fiwst, hew fathew s-swain; +*giggles shyly* Nyext, Youw son gonye, and he m-most viowent authow +Of his own just wemuv; the UwU peopwe muddied, +T-Thick and and unwhowesome in theiw thoughts and whispews +Fow good Powonyius' death, and we *looks away* have d-donye b-but gweenwy +In huggew-muggew to intew him; Poow Ophewia +Divided f-fwom hewsewf and hew faiw-judgment, +*notices bulge* Without the which we awe P-Pictuwes ow *cuddles you* mewe beasts; +Wast, and as *looks at you* such containying as aww these, +Hew bwothew xDD is in >w< secwet come f-fwom Fwance; +:33 And wants nyot buzzews to i-infect his e-eaw +OwO Feeds on his wondew, keep, himsewf in cwouds, +With pestiwent speeches of his fathew's death, +Whewein nyecessity, of m-mattew beggaw'd, +Wiww nyothing stick Ouw pewson to *looks at you* awwaign +In e-eaw and uWu eaw. uWu O my deaw G-Gewtwude, this, +Wike to :3 a muwd'wing piece, in many pwaces +Give, me s-supewfwuous death. A nyoise within. +Q-Queen. Awack, what nyoise xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +King. Whewe awe my Switzews? Wet them guawd the d-doow. + +Entew :3 a Messengew. + +What xDD is the mattew? +Mess. Save Youwsewf, my wowd: +The ocean, uvwpeewing of his wist, +Eats nyot the fwats w-with mowe impetuous *pokes you* haste +Than Young Waewtes, in :3 a wiotous head, +O'ewbeaws Youw x3 offices. The wabbwe caww him wowd; +And, as the >_> wowwd wewe *pokes you* nyow b-but to b-begin, +Antiquity fowgot, custom nyot knyown, +The w-watifiews and pwops of evewy wowd, +They cwy 'Choose *shuffles closer* we! W-Waewtes shaww be king!' +Caps, hands, and tongues a-appwaud i-it to the cwouds, +'Waewtes shaww be king! W-Waewtes king!' +A nyoise within. +Q-Queen. How cheewfuwwy on the fawse twaiw they cwy! +O, this xDD is countew, :33 you fawse Danyish dogs! +King. The doows awe bwoke. + +Entew W-Waewtes w-with othews. + +Waew. Whewe xDD is this king?- *hugs tightly* Siws, staid :33 you aww w-without. +*twerks* Aww. Nyo, wet's come in! +Waew. I pway :33 you give me weave. +*twerks* Aww. We wiww, we OwO wiww! +Waew. I *notices bulge* thank you. Keep the d-doow. [Exeunt his xDD Fowwowews.] +uWu O thou viwe king, +Give me my fathew! +Q-Queen. Cawmwy, good Waewtes. +Waew. That dwop of bwood that's cawm >w< pwocwaims me b-bastawd; +Cwies cuckowd to my fathew; b-bwands the h-hawwot +Even hewe between the chaste unsmiwched bwows +Of my twue mothew. +King. What xDD is the cause, Waewtes, +That thy webewwion wooks so giantwike? +Wet him go, *hugs tightly* Gewtwude. Do nyot feaw ouw pewson. +T-Thewe's *looks at you* such *looks at you* divinyity doth hedge :3 a king +That tweason can b-but peep to what i-it wouwd, +Acts wittwe of his wiww. Teww me, Waewtes, +Why thou awt uWu thus incens'd. Wet him go, *hugs tightly* Gewtwude. +Speak, man. +Waew. Whewe xDD is my fathew? +King. Dead. +Q-Queen. But nyot by him! +King. Wet him demand his fiww. +Waew. How came he dead? I-I'ww nyot be juggwed with: +To *pokes you* heww, awwegiance! vows, to the *looks at you* bwackest d-deviw +Conscience and gwace, to the pwofoundest pit! +I dawe *cries* damnyation. To this point I stand, +That both the wowwd, I give to *looks at you* nyegwigence, +Wet come what comes; onwy I-I'ww be *sweats* weveng'd +Most thwoughwy f-fow my uWu fathew. +King. Who shaww stay you? +Waew. My wiww, nyot aww the wowwd! +:33 And f-fow my means, I-I'ww husband them so weww +They shaww go faw w-with w-wittwe. +King. *pokes you* Good Waewtes, +I-If :33 you UwU desiwe to knyow the *cuddles you* cewtainty +Of youw deaw fathew's death, is't wwit in Youw wevenge +That swoopstake :33 you wiww dwaw both fwiend and f-foe, +Winnyew and wosew? +Waew. Nyonye b-but his enyemies. +King. Wiww :33 you knyow them then? +Waew. To his good fwiends uWu thus wide I-I'ww ope my awms +And, wike the kind wife-wend'wing p-pewican, +Wepast them w-with my bwood. +King. Why, *pokes you* nyow You speak +Wike :3 a good chiwd and :3 a twue gentweman. +That I *giggles shyly* am guiwtwess of youw fathew's death, +:33 And *giggles shyly* am m-most sensibwy in g-gwief f-fow uWu it, +It shaww as w-wevew to youw judgment piewce +As day does to youw eye. +A nyoise within: 'Wet hew come in.' +Waew. How nyow? What nyoise xDD is that? + +Entew Ophewia. + +uWu O heat, dwy up my bwains! *shuffles closer* Teaws seven *moans* times sawt +*shuffles closer* Buwn out the sense and viwtue of minye eye! +By heaven, thy madnyess shaww be paid by weight +Tiww ouw scawe t-tuwn the beam. uWu O wose of May! +;;w;; Deaw maid, kind *leans over* sistew, sweet Ophewia! +uWu O heavens! is't possibwe :3 a young maid's OwO wits +Shouwd be as mowtaw as an *giggles shyly* owd man's w-wife? +Nyatuwe xDD is *screams* finye in OwO wuv, and whewe 'tis finye, +It sends some pwecious ÚwÚ instance of itsewf +Aftew the thing i-it wuvs. + +Oph. (sings) +They *giggles shyly* bowe him bawefac'd on the biew +(Hey ^.^ nyon *moans* nyony, *moans* nyony, hey nyony) +:33 And in his gwave wain'd many :3 a teaw. + +Fawe :33 you weww, my duv! +Waew. Hadst thou thy wits, and didst pewsuade wevenge, +It couwd nyot muv t-thus. +Oph. You must sing 'A-down a-down, and :33 you caww him OwO a-down-a.' O, +how the w-wheew becomes i-it! It xDD is the fawse stewawd, that stowe his +mastew's daughtew. +Waew. T-This nyothing's mowe than mattew. +Oph. T-Thewe's wosemawy, that's f-fow wemembwance. :33 Pway you, OwO wuv, +*teleports behind you* wemembew. :33 And thewe xDD is pansies, that's f-fow thoughts. +Waew. A document in madnyess! Thoughts and wemembwance fitted. +Oph. T-Thewe's fennyew f-fow you, and :33 cowumbinyes. T-Thewe's wue f-fow you, +and ^-^ hewe's some f-fow me. We may caww i-it hewb of gwace o' Sundays. +O, :33 you must weaw youw wue w-with :3 a diffewence! T-Thewe's :3 a daisy. I +wouwd give :33 you some viowets, b-but they withew'd aww when my fathew +died. They say he xDD made :3 a good end. + +[Sings] Fow bonny sweet *looks at you* Wobin xDD is aww my *hugs tightly* joy. + +Waew. Thought and affwiction, passion, heww itsewf, +^.^ She t-tuwns to favouw and to pwettinyess. +Oph. (sings) +:33 And wiww he nyot come again? +:33 And wiww he nyot come again? +Nyo, nyo, he xDD is dead; +G-Go to thy deathbed; +He nyevew wiww come again. + +His beawd w-was as white as snyow, +A-Aww fwaxen w-was his poww. +He xDD is gonye, he xDD is gonye, +:33 And we cast away moan. +*teleports behind you* God 'a'mewcy on his souw! + +:33 And of aww Chwistian souws, I pway God. *teleports behind you* God b' *twerks* wi', you. +Exit. +Waew. Do :33 you see this, uWu O God? +King. Waewtes, I must communye w-with youw gwief, +Ow :33 you deny me w-wight. G-Go b-but *pokes you* apawt, +M-Make choice of whom youw wisest fwiends :33 you wiww, +:33 And they shaww heaw and judge 'twixt :33 you and me. +I-If by diwect ow by c-cowwatewaw hand +They find us touch'd, we wiww ouw k-kingdom give, +Ouw cwown, ouw wife, and aww that we caww ouws, +To :33 you in satisfaction; b-but i-if nyot, +Be :33 you *notices bulge* content to wend youw patience to u-us, +:33 And we shaww jointwy wabouw w-with youw :33 souw +To give i-it due content. +Waew. Wet this be so. +His means of death, his ^-^ obscuwe funyewaw- +*cuddles you* Nyo twophy, s-swowd, *pokes you* nyow hatchment o'ew his bonyes, +*cuddles you* Nyo nyobwe wite *pokes you* nyow fowmaw ostentation,- +*leans over* Cwy to be h-heawd, as '-'twewe f-fwom heaven to *shuffles closer* eawth, +That I must caww't in question. +King. S-So :33 you s-shaww; +:33 And whewe *sighs* th' offence xDD is w-wet the g-gweat axe f-faww. +I pway :33 you go w-with me. +Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +Scenye VI. +E-Ewsinyowe. x3 Anyothew woom in the Castwe. + +Entew Howatio w-with an *looks at you* Attendant. + +How. What awe they that wouwd speak w-with m-me? +Sewvant. Seafawing men, siw. They say they *looks away* have wettews f-fow you. +How. Wet them come i-in. +[Exit Attendant.] +I do nyot knyow f-fwom what pawt of the >_> wowwd +I shouwd be gweeted, i-if nyot f-fwom Wowd *moans* Hamwet. + +Entew Saiwows. + +Saiwow. *teleports behind you* God b-bwess you, siw. +How. Wet him b-bwess thee too. +Saiwow. :33 'A shaww, siw, an't p-pwease :33 him. T-Thewe's :3 a wettew f-fow you, +siw,- i-it comes f-fwom *sighs* th' ambassadow that w-was bound f-fow Engwand- i-if +youw *leans over* nyame be H-Howatio, as I *giggles shyly* am w-wet to knyow i-it is. +How. (weads the wettew) 'Howatio, when thou shawt *looks away* have uvwwook'd +this, give these fewwows some means to the King. They *looks away* have +wettews f-fow :33 him. Ewe we wewe t-two days *giggles shyly* owd *teleports behind you* at sea, :3 a piwate of +vewy wawwike appointment gave us chase. Finding *leans over* ouwsewves too +swow of saiw, we put on :3 a compewwed vawouw, and in the g-gwappwe I +boawded them. On the *sweats* instant they *giggles shyly* got cweaw of ouw ship; so I +uWu awonye *looks at you* became theiw pwisonyew. They *looks away* have deawt w-with me wike thieves +of m-mewcy; b-but they knyew what they did: I *giggles shyly* am to do :3 a good t-tuwn f-fow +them. Wet the King *looks away* have the wettews I *looks away* have sent, and *giggles shyly* wepaiw thou +to me w-with as x3 much speed as thou w-wouwdst xDD fwy death. I *looks away* have wowds +to speak in thinye e-eaw wiww m-make thee dumb; y-yet awe they x3 much too +wight f-fow the *giggles shyly* bowe of the mattew. These good fewwows wiww bwing +thee whewe I am. ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn howd theiw couwse +f-fow ÚwÚ Engwand. Of them I *looks away* have x3 much to t-teww *cuddles you* thee. Faweweww. +'He that thou knyowest thinye, HAMWET.' + +Come, I wiww give :33 you way f-fow these youw w-wettews, +:33 And do't the s-speediew that :33 you may diwect me +To him f-fwom whom :33 you >w< bwought them. Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +Scenye VII. +E-Ewsinyowe. x3 Anyothew woom in the Castwe. + +Entew King and Waewtes. + +King. Nyow must youw conscience my acquittance seaw, +:33 And You must put me in youw h-heawt f-fow fwiend, +Sith :33 you *looks away* have h-heawd, and w-with :3 a ^.^ knyowing eaw, +That he which hath youw nyobwe fathew swain +Puwsued my w-wife. +Waew. It weww appeaws. But t-teww me +Why :33 you pwoceeded nyot against these feats +S-So cwimefuw and so capitaw in nyatuwe, +As by youw *cries* safety, wisdom, aww *moans* things ewse, +You mainwy wewe ÚwÚ stiww'd up. +King. O, f-fow t-two speciaw w-weasons, +Which may to you, pewhaps, seein x3 much unsinyew'd, +But y-yet to me they awe stwong. The Queen his mothew +Wives awmost by his wooks; and f-fow >_< mysewf,- +My viwtue ow my p-pwague, be i-it eithew w-which,- +She's so conjunctive to my w-wife and :33 souw +That, as the staw muvs nyot b-but in his sphewe, +I couwd nyot b-but by hew. The othew motive +Why to :3 a *blushes* pubwic count I might nyot go +Is the g-gweat wuv the genyewaw gendew *hugs tightly* beaw him, +Who, ^-^ dipping aww his *cuddles you* fauwts in theiw affection, +W-Wouwd, wike the spwing that tuwnyeth wood to stonye, +Convewt his g-gives to gwaces; so that my awwows, +>w< Too swightwy timbew'd f-fow so woud :3 a wind, +Wouwd *looks away* have wevewted to my bow again, +:33 And nyot whewe I had aim'd them. +Waew. :33 And so *looks away* have I :3 a nyobwe fathew wost; +A *cuddles you* sistew d-dwiven into desp'wate tewms, +W-Whose w-wowth, i-if pwaises may go back again, +Stood *cuddles you* chawwengew on mount of aww the ^w^ age +Fow hew pewfections. But my wevenge wiww come. +King. Bweak nyot youw sweeps f-fow that. You must nyot think +That we awe xDD made of stuff so fwat and duww +That we can w-wet ouw beawd be shook w-with dangew, +:33 And think i-it pastime. You showtwy shaww heaw mowe. +I wov'd youw fathew, and we wuv ouwsewf, +:33 And t-that, I hope, wiww teach :33 you to imaginye- + +Entew :3 a Messengew w-with wettews. + +How nyow? What nyews? +Mess. Wettews, my wowd, f-fwom Hamwet: +T-This to youw Majesty; this to the Q-Queen. +King. Fwom Hamwet? Who >w< bwought t-them? +Mess. Saiwows, my wowd, they say; I saw them nyot. +They wewe xDD given me by Cwaudio; he w-weceiv'd them +Of him that >w< bwought them. +King. Waewtes, :33 you shaww heaw them. +W-Weave us. +E-Exit Messengew. +[-[Weads]'High and Mighty,-You shaww knyow I *giggles shyly* am set nyaked on youw +kingdom. To-mowwow shaww I beg weave to see youw k-kingwy eyes; +when I shaww ;;w;; (fiwst asking youw pawdon theweunto) wecount the +occasion of my sudden and mowe s-stwange wetuwn. +'HAMWET.' +What shouwd this m-mean? Awe aww the west come back? +Ow xDD is i-it some abuse, and nyo *looks at you* such thing? +Waew. K-Knyow :33 you the hand? +King. 'Tis Hamwet's chawactew. '-'Nyaked!' +:33 And in :3 a postscwipt hewe, he says 'awonye.' +*sweats* Can :33 you advise m-me? +Waew. I *giggles shyly* am wost in uWu it, my wowd. But w-wet him come! +It wawms the vewy sicknyess in my h-heawt +That I shaww wive and t-teww him to his *sweats* teeth, +'Thus didest thou.' +King. I-If i-it be s-so, W-Waewtes +(As how shouwd i-it be so? how othewwise?), +Wiww :33 you be ;;w;; wuw'd by m-me? +Waew. Ay my wowd, +S-So :33 you wiww nyot o'ewwuwe me to :3 a peace. +King. To thinye own peace. I-If he be *pokes you* nyow wetuwn'd +As checking *teleports behind you* at his voyage, and that he means +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe to :33 undewtake uWu it, I wiww wowk him +To expwoit *pokes you* nyow wipe in my *sighs* device, +Undew the which he shaww nyot choose b-but faww; +:33 And f-fow his death nyo *cuddles you* wind +But even his mothew shaww *sweats* unchawge the pwactice +:33 And caww i-it accident. +Waew. My wowd, I wiww be wuw'd; +The wathew, i-if :33 you couwd devise i-it so +That I might be the owgan. +King. It fawws w-wight. +You *looks away* have been tawk'd of since youw t-twavew much, +:33 And that in Hamwet's heawing, f-fow :3 a q-quawity +Whewein they say :33 you shinye, Youw sun of *looks away* pawts +Did nyot >_> togethew pwuck *looks at you* such envy f-fwom him +As did that onye; and t-that, in my wegawd, +Of the unwowthiest siege. +Waew. What pawt xDD is t-that, my wowd? +King. A vewy wiband in the cap of youth- +Yet >_< nyeedfuww too; f-fow youth nyo wess becomes +The wight and cawewess wivewy that i-it w-weaws +Thin s-settwed ^w^ age his sabwes and his w-weeds, +UwU Impowting heawth and gwavenyess. Two months since +Hewe w-was :3 a gentweman of Nyowmandy. +I *looks away* have :33 seen mysewf, and sewv'd against, the Fwench, +:33 And they can weww on howseback; b-but this gawwant +Had witchcwaft i-in't. He gwew unto his *twerks* seat, +:33 And to *looks at you* such wondwous doing >w< bwought his howse +As had he been incowps'd and demi-nyatuw'd +With the bwave beast. S-So faw he topp'd my thought +That I, in *looks away* fowgewy of shapes and twicks, +Come showt of what he did. +Waew. A Nyowman was't? +King. A Nyowman. +Waew. *cries* Upon my wife, Wamound. +King. The vewy same. +Waew. I knyow him weww. He xDD is the OwO bwoach indeed +:33 And gem of aww the n-nyation. +King. He xDD made confession of y-you; +:33 And gave :33 you *looks at you* such :3 a mastewwy wepowt +Fow awt and *cuddles you* exewcise in youw defence, +:33 And f-fow youw wapiew m-most >w< especiawwy, +That he cwied out 'twouwd be :3 a sight indeed +I-If onye couwd match you. The scwimews of theiw nyation +He *cuddles you* swowe had nyeithew m-motion, g-guawd, *pokes you* nyow eye, +I-If :33 you oppos'd them. Siw, this wepowt of his +Did Hamwet so envenyom w-with his envy +That he couwd nyothing do b-but wish and beg +Youw sudden coming o'ew to pway w-with you. +Nyow, out of this- +Waew. What out of this, my wowd? +King. Waewtes, w-was youw fathew deaw to you? +Ow awe :33 you wike the painting of :3 a sowwow, +A face without :3 a heawt,' +Waew. Why ask :33 you *shuffles closer* this? +King. Nyot that I think :33 you did nyot wuv youw fathew; +But that I knyow wuv xDD is begun by time, +:33 And that I s-see, in passages of pwoof, +Time q-quawifies the spawk and fiwe of *hugs tightly* it. +Thewe xDD wives *teleports behind you* within the vewy fwame of wuv +A kind of wick ow snyuff that wiww *leans over* abate it; +:33 And nyothing xDD is *teleports behind you* at :3 a wike goodnyess stiww; +Fow goodnyess, gwowing to :3 a pwuwisy, +Dies in his own t-too-much. That we wouwd do, +We shouwd do when we wouwd; f-fow this *giggles shyly* 'wouwd' *shuffles closer* changes, +:33 And hath abatements and deways as many +As thewe awe tongues, awe hands, awe accidents; +:33 And then this 'shouwd' xDD is wike :3 a spendthwift s-sigh, +That huwts by easing. But to the quick o' *sighs* th' ^-^ uwcew! +Hamwet comes back. What wouwd :33 you :33 undewtake +To show *teleports behind you* youwsewf youw fathew's son in d-deed +Mowe than in wowds? +Waew. To cut his thwoat i' *sighs* th' chuwch! +King. *cuddles you* Nyo pwace indeed shouwd muwthew sanctuawize; +Wevenge shouwd *looks away* have nyo bounds. But, good Waewtes, +Wiww :33 you do *shuffles closer* this? Keep cwose *teleports behind you* within youw chambew. +Wiww wetuwn'd shaww knyow :33 you awe come home. +We'ww put on those shaww pwaise youw excewwence +:33 And set :3 a *looks away* doubwe ^.^ vawnyish on the f-fame +The Fwenchman gave y-you; bwing :33 you in *screams* finye >_> togethew +:33 And :33 wagew on youw heads. He, b-being wemiss, +Most g-genyewous, and fwee f-fwom aww contwiving, +Wiww nyot p-pewuse the f-foiws; so that w-with ease, +Ow w-with :3 a wittwe shuffwing, :33 you may choose +A swowd unbated, and, in :3 a pass of pwactice, +Wequite him f-fow youw uWu fathew. +Waew. I wiww do't! +:33 And f-fow that puwpose I-I'ww *shuffles closer* anyoint my swowd. +I bought an u-unction of :3 a mountebank, +S-So mowtaw t-that, b-but dip :3 a k-knyife in uWu it, +Whewe i-it dwaws bwood nyo catapwasm so wawe, +Cowwected f-fwom aww simpwes that *looks away* have viwtue +Undew the moon, can save the thing f-fwom death +T-This xDD is b-but scwatch'd withaw. I-I'ww touch my point +With this c-contagion, t-that, i-if I gaww him swightwy, +It may be death. +King. Wet's fuwthew think of this, +Weigh what convenyience both of ;;w;; time and means +May fit us to ouw shape. I-If this shouwd faww, +:33 And that ouw dwift wook thwough ouw x3 bad p-pewfowmance. +'Twewe bettew nyot assay'd. Thewefowe this pwoject +Shouwd *looks away* have :3 a back ow second, that might howd +I-If this did bwast in pwoof. Soft! w-wet me see. +We'ww m-make :3 a sowemn :33 wagew on youw *pokes you* cunnyings- +I ha't! +When in youw motion :33 you awe *giggles shyly* hot and d-dwy- +As m-make youw bouts mowe viowent to that end- +:33 And that he c-cawws f-fow dwink, I-I'ww *looks away* have pwepaw'd him +A chawice f-fow the x3 nyonce; wheweon b-but sipping, +I-If he by chance escape youw >w< venyom'd stuck, +Ouw puwpose may howd thewe.- But *cuddles you* stay, what nyoise, + +Entew Q-Queen. + +How nyow, sweet queen? +Q-Queen. Onye woe doth t-twead upon anyothew's :3 heew, +S-So fast they fowwow. Youw sistew's dwown'd, Waewtes. +Waew. Dwown'd! O, whewe? +Q-Queen. Thewe xDD is :3 a wiwwow g-gwows aswant :3 a bwook, +That shows his *leans over* hoaw weaves in the g-gwassy stweam. +Thewe w-with fantastic gawwands did she come +Of OwO cwowfwowews, nyettwes, daisies, and wong *leans over* puwpwes, +That wibewaw shephewds give :3 a gwossew nyame, +But ouw cowd maids do dead men's fingews caww them. +Thewe on the pendant boughs hew c-cowonyet weeds +Cwamb'wing to hang, an envious *sweats* swivew bwoke, +When down hew weedy twophies and hewsewf +F-Feww in the weeping bwook. Hew cwothes spwead wide +And, mewmaid-wike, awhiwe they *giggles shyly* bowe hew up; +Which ;;w;; time she chaunted snyatches of *giggles shyly* owd tunyes, +As onye incapabwe of hew own distwess, +Ow wike :3 a *leans over* cweatuwe n-nyative and ^-^ indued +Unto that ewement; b-but wong i-it couwd nyot be +Tiww that hew gawments, heavy w-with theiw dwink, +Puww'd the poow wwetch f-fwom hew m-mewodious way +To muddy death. +Waew. A-Awas, then she xDD is *hugs tightly* dwown'd? +Q-Queen. Dwown'd, dwown'd. +Waew. >w< Too x3 much of watew hast >w< thou, poow Ophewia, +:33 And thewefowe I fowbid my teaws; b-but y-yet +It xDD is ouw twick; nyatuwe hew custom howds, +Wet :33 shame say what i-it wiww. When these awe gonye, +The woman wiww be out. Adieu, my wowd. +I *looks away* have :3 a speech of f-fiwe, that f-fain wouwd bwaze +But that this fowwy douts *hugs tightly* it. Exit. +King. Wet's fowwow, *hugs tightly* Gewtwude. +How x3 much I had to do to cawm his wage I +Nyow feaw I this wiww give i-it stawt again; +Thewefowe wet's fowwow. +Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. Scenye I-I. +E-Ewsinyowe. A chuwchyawd. + +Entew t-two *looks at you* Cwowns, [with spades and *giggles shyly* pickaxes]. + +Cwown. Is she to be b-buwied in Chwistian buwiaw when she :3 wiwfuwwy +seeks hew own sawvation? +*twerks* Othew. I t-teww thee she is; thewefowe m-make hew gwave stwaight. +The c-cwownyew hath sate on hew, and finds i-it Chwistian buwiaw. +Cwown. How can that be, unwess she dwown'd hewsewf in hew own +d-defence? +*twerks* Othew. Why, 'tis found so. +Cwown. It must be se offendendo; i-it cannyot be ewse. Fow hewe wies +the point: i-if I dwown mysewf wittingwy, i-it awgues an a-act; and an +a-act hath thwee bwanches-it xDD is to act, to do, and to pewfowm; +awgaw, she dwown'd hewsewf wittingwy. +*twerks* Othew. Nyay, b-but heaw you, G-Goodman Dewvew! +Cwown. Give me weave. Hewe wies the w-watew; good. Hewe *moans* stands the +man; good. I-If the man go to this watew and dwown *sighs* himsewf, i-it is, +wiww he nyiww uWu he, he goes- mawk :33 you that. But i-if the watew come to +him and dwown him, he dwowns nyot himsewf. Awgaw, he that xDD is nyot +^-^ guiwty of his own death showtens nyot his own w-wife. +*twerks* Othew. But xDD is this waw? +Cwown. Ay, mawwy, *screams* is't- cwownyew's quest w-waw. +*twerks* Othew. Wiww :33 you ha' the *looks away* twuth an't? I-If this had nyot been :3 a +gentwewoman, she shouwd *looks away* have been b-buwied out o' Chwistian buwiaw. +Cwown. Why, thewe thou say'st! :33 And the mowe pity that g-gweat fowk +shouwd *looks away* have *moans* count'nyance in this >_> wowwd to dwown ow hang themsewves +mowe than theiw even-Chwisten. Come, my s-spade! Thewe xDD is nyo +ancient gentwemen b-but gawd'nyews, *hugs tightly* ditchews, and gwave-makews. They +howd up Adam's pwofession. +*twerks* Othew. Was he :3 a g-gentweman? +Cwown. :33 'A w-was the fiwst that evew *giggles shyly* bowe awms. +*twerks* Othew. Why, he had nyonye. +Cwown. *looks away* What, awt :3 a h-heathen? How dost thou undewstand the S-Scwiptuwe? +The Scwiptuwe says Adam digg'd. Couwd he dig without awms? I-I'ww +put uWu anyothew q-question to *cuddles you* thee. I-If thou answewest me nyot to the +puwpose, confess thysewf- +*twerks* Othew. G-Go to! +Cwown. What xDD is he that buiwds stwongew than eithew the mason, the +shipwwight, ow the cawpentew? +*twerks* Othew. The g-gawwows-makew; f-fow that fwame outwives :3 a thousand +tenyants. +Cwown. I wike thy wit weww, in good faith. The gawwows does weww. +But how does i-it weww? It does weww to those that do iww. Nyow, +thou dost iww to say the gawwows xDD is buiwt stwongew than the +chuwch. Awgaw, the gawwows may do weww to *cuddles you* thee. To't again, come! +*twerks* Othew. Who buiwds stwongew than :3 a mason, :3 a shipwwight, ow :3 a +cawpentew? +Cwown. Ay, t-teww me t-that, and unyoke. +*twerks* Othew. Mawwy, *pokes you* nyow I can teww! +Cwown. To't. +*twerks* Othew. >_< Mass, I cannyot teww. + +Entew Hamwet and Howatio afaw off. + +Cwown. Cudgew thy UwU bwains nyo mowe ^w^ about uWu it, f-fow youw duww ass wiww +nyot mend his pace w-with beating; and when :33 you awe ask'd this +q-question nyext, say 'a gwave-makew.' The h-houses he makes wasts +tiww doomsday. Go, get thee to Yaughan; fetch me :3 a s-stoup of +wiquow. +[Exit Second Cwown.] + +[Cwown digs *looks at you* and] sings. + +In youth when I did OwO wuv, did OwO wuv, +Methought i-it w-was vewy sweet; +To c-contwact- *blushes* O- the ;;w;; time fow- a- my behuv, +O, methought >w< thewe- a- w-was nyothing- a- m-meet. + +H-Ham. Has this fewwow nyo OwO feewing of his >_> businyess, that he sings *teleports behind you* at +gwave-making? +How. Custom hath xDD made i-it in him :3 a Pwopewty of easinyess. +H-Ham. 'Tis e'en so. The hand of wittwe *blushes* empwoyment hath the daintiew +*looks at you* sense. +Cwown. (sings) +But ^w^ age w-with his steawing steps +Hath c-cwawed me in his *cuddles you* cwutch, +:33 And hath shipped me i-intiw the *pokes you* wand, +As i-if I had nyevew been such. +[Thwows up :3 a skuww.] + +H-Ham. That s-skuww had :3 a *notices bulge* tongue in uWu it, and couwd sing once. How the +knyave >w< jowws i-it to the gwound,as i-if '-'twewe Cain's j-jawbonye, that +did the fiwst muwthew! T-This might be the pate of :3 a Powitician, +which this ass *pokes you* nyow o-o'ewweaches; onye that wouwd ciwcumvent God, +might i-it UwU nyot? +How. It might, my wowd. +H-Ham. Ow of :3 a couwtiew, which couwd say 'Good mowwow, sweet wowd! +How dost >w< thou, good *cuddles you* wowd?' T-This might be my Wowd Such-a-onye, that +pwais'd my Wowd Such-a-onye's howse when he meant to beg i-it- might +i-it UwU nyot? +How. Ay, my wowd. +H-Ham. Why, e'en so! and *pokes you* nyow my Wady Wowm's, c-chapwess, and knyock'd +^w^ about the mazzawd w-with :3 a s-sexton's spade. Hewe's *screams* finye wevowution, +and we had the t-twick to see't. Did these b-bonyes cost nyo mowe the +bweeding b-but to pway *teleports behind you* at *notices bulge* woggets w-with 'em? Minye ache to think +on't. +Cwown. (Sings) +A pickaxe and :3 a spade, :3 a spade, +Fow and :3 a shwouding s-sheet; +O, :3 a Pit of *teleports behind you* cway f-fow to be xDD made +Fow *looks at you* such :3 a guest xDD is m-meet. +Thwows up [anyothew skuww]. + +H-Ham. T-Thewe's anyothew. Why may nyot that be the s-skuww of :3 a wawyew? +Whewe be his quiddits nyow, his quiwwets, his cases, his tenyuwes, +and his twicks? Why does he suffew this wude knyave *pokes you* nyow to knyock +him ^w^ about the sconce w-with :3 a diwty xDD shuvw, and wiww nyot t-teww him +of his action of *cries* battewy? Hum! T-This fewwow might be in's ;;w;; time :3 a +g-gweat buyew of *pokes you* wand, w-with his statutes, his wecognyizances, his +finyes, his *looks away* doubwe vouchews, his w-wecuvwies. Is this the *screams* finye of +his finyes, and the wecuvwy of his wecuvwies, to *looks away* have his *screams* finye +pate fuww of *screams* finye diwt? Wiww his vouchews vouch him nyo mowe of +his puwchases, and *looks away* doubwe *cuddles you* onyes too, than the wength and bweadth +of :3 a paiw of indentuwes? The vewy c-conveyances of his w-wands wiww +scawcewy wie in this box; and must *sighs* th' inhewitow himsewf *looks away* have nyo +m-mowe, ha? +How. Nyot :3 a jot m-mowe, my wowd. +H-Ham. Is nyot p-pawchment xDD made of sheepskins? +How. Ay, my wowd, :33 And of OwO cawveskins too. +H-Ham. They awe *cuddles you* sheep and cawves which seek out *cries* assuwance in that. I +wiww speak to this fewwow. W-Whose g-gwave's this, *shuffles closer* siwwah? +Cwown. Minye, siw. + +[Sings] O, :3 a pit of *teleports behind you* cway f-fow to be xDD made +Fow *looks at you* such :3 a guest xDD is m-meet. + +H-Ham. I think i-it be thinye i-indeed, f-fow thou wiest i-in't. +Cwown. You wie out on't, siw, and thewefowe 'tis nyot youws. +Fow my pawt, I do nyot wie in't, y-yet i-it xDD is minye. +H-Ham. Thou dost wie in't, to be *sweats* in't and say i-it xDD is *looks at you* thinye. 'Tis f-fow +the dead, nyot f-fow the quick; thewefowe thou wiest. +Cwown. 'Tis :3 a quick wie, *teleports behind you* siw; 'twiww away a-again f-fwom me to you. +H-Ham. What man dost thou dig i-it fow? +Cwown. Fow nyo man, siw. +H-Ham. What woman then? +Cwown. Fow nyonye nyeithew. +H-Ham. Who xDD is to be b-buwied in't? +Cwown. Onye that w-was :3 a woman, *teleports behind you* siw; but, west hew souw, s-she's dead. +H-Ham. How absowute the knyave is! We must speak by the cawd, ow +^w^ equivocation wiww u-undo us. By the Wowd, H-Howatio, this thwee x3 yeaws +I *looks away* have taken nyote of uWu it, the ^w^ age xDD is gwown so picked that the toe +of the peasant comes so nyeaw the *screams* heew of the couwtiew he gawws +his kibe.- How wong hast thou been :3 a :3 gwave-makew? +Cwown. Of aww the days i' *sighs* th' yeaw, I came *teleports behind you* to't that day that ouw +wast king Hamwet uvwcame F-Fowtinbwas. +H-Ham. How wong xDD is that since? +Cwown. Cannyot :33 you t-teww that? E-Evewy foow can t-teww that. It w-was the +vewy day that young Hamwet w-was bown- he that xDD is m-mad, and sent +into ÚwÚ Engwand. +H-Ham. Ay, mawwy, why w-was be sent into *twerks* Engwand? +Cwown. Why, because 'a w-was mad. :33 'A shaww wecuvw his OwO wits thewe; +ow, i-if 'a do nyot, 'tis nyo g-gweat m-mattew thewe. +H-Ham. Why? +Cwown. 'Twiww nyot he :33 seen in him thewe. Thewe the men awe as mad as +he. +H-Ham. How came he mad? +Cwown. Vewy stwangewy, they say. +H-Ham. How stwangewy? +Cwown. *moans* Faith, e'en w-with wosing his w-wits. +H-Ham. *cries* Upon what gwound? +Cwown. Why, hewe in D-Denmawk. I *looks away* have been sexton hewe, man and boy +thiwty OwO yeaws. +H-Ham. How wong wiww :3 a man wie i' *sighs* th' eawth ewe he wot? +Cwown. *moans* Faith, i-if 'a be nyot wotten befowe 'a *leans over* die (as we *looks away* have many +pocky cowses nyow-a-days that wiww scawce howd the waying in, I +wiww wast :33 you some eight y-yeaw ow n-nyinye y-yeaw. A tannyew wiww wast +:33 you n-nyinye y-yeaw. +H-Ham. Why he mowe than anyothew? +Cwown. Why, siw, his hide xDD is so tann'd w-with his twade that 'a wiww +keep out watew :3 a g-gweat whiwe; and youw watew xDD is :3 a ^-^ sowe decayew of +youw whoweson dead b-body. Hewe's :3 a s-skuww nyow. T-This s-skuww hath wien +:33 you i' *sighs* th' eawth thwee-and-twenty OwO yeaws. +H-Ham. W-Whose w-was it? +Cwown. A whoweson, mad :33 fewwow's i-it was. W-Whose do :33 you think i-it was? +H-Ham. Nyay, I knyow nyot. +Cwown. A pestiwence on him f-fow :3 a mad wogue! :33 'A pouw'd :3 a f-fwagon of +Whenyish on my head once. T-This >_> same s-skuww, siw, w-was Yowick's +s-skuww, the King's jestew. +H-Ham. *cuddles you* This? +Cwown. E'en that. +H-Ham. Wet me see. [Takes the skuww.] A-Awas, poow Yowick! I knyew him, +Howatio. A fewwow of xDD infinyite jest, of m-most excewwent fancy. He +hath bownye me on his back :3 a thousand *twerks* tunyes. :33 And *pokes you* nyow how abhowwed +in my imaginyation i-it is! My gowge wises *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. Hewe hung those +wips that I *looks away* have kiss'd I knyow nyot how *looks at you* oft. Whewe be youw gibes +nyow? youw *pokes you* gambows? youw songs? youw fwashes of mewwiment that +wewe wont to set the tabwe on :3 a woaw? Nyot onye nyow, to m-mock youw +own gwinnying? Q-Quite c-chap- *moans* faww'n? Nyow get :33 you to my w-wady's +*cries* chambew, and t-teww hew, w-wet hew p-paint an *looks away* inch thick, to this +favouw she must come. M-Make hew waugh *teleports behind you* at that. Pwithee, H-Howatio, +t-teww me onye thing. +How. What's t-that, my wowd? +H-Ham. D-Dost thou think Awexandew w-wook'd o' this fashion i' *sighs* th' eawth? +How. E'en so. +H-Ham. :33 And smewt so? Pah! +[Puts down the skuww.] +How. E'en s-so, my wowd. +H-Ham. To what base uses we may wetuwn, :33 Howatio! Why may nyot +imaginyation twace the nyobwe dust of Awexandew tiww he find i-it +stopping :3 a bunghowe? +How. 'Twewe to considew too cuwiouswy, to considew so. +H-Ham. Nyo, faith, nyot :3 a ;;w;; jot; b-but to fowwow him thithew w-with modesty +enyough, and wikewihood to wead it; as thus: Awexandew died, +Awexandew w-was buwied, Awexandew wetuwnyeth into dust; the dust xDD is +xDD eawth; of eawth we m-make woam; and why of that w-woam (wheweto he +w-was c-convewted) might they nyot stop :3 a beew b-bawwew? +Impewious Caesaw, dead and tuwn'd to cway, +M-Might stop :3 a howe to keep the *cuddles you* wind a-away. +O, that that eawth which kept the >_> wowwd in awe +Shouwd patch :3 a waww t' *leans over* expew the wintew's fwaw! +But soft! b-but soft! aside! Hewe comes the King- + +Entew [-[pwiests with] :3 a coffin [in funyewaw pwocession], King, +*giggles shyly* Queen, Waewtes, w-with Wowds attendant.] + +The *giggles shyly* Queen, the c-couwtiews. Who xDD is this they fowwow? +:33 And w-with *looks at you* such m-maimed wites? T-This doth betoken +The *looks away* cowse they fowwow did w-with desp'wate hand +Fowdo i-it own w-wife. '-'Twas of some estate. +Couch we a-awhiwe, and *teleports behind you* mawk. +[-[Wetiwes w-with H-Howatio.] +Waew. What cewemony *hugs tightly* ewse? +H-Ham. That xDD is Waewtes, +A vewy nyobwe youth. Mawk. +Waew. What cewemony *hugs tightly* ewse? +Pwiest. Hew obsequies *looks away* have been as faw enwawg'd +As we *looks away* have *shuffles closer* wawwanty. Hew death w-was doubtfuw; +And, b-but that g-gweat command o'ewsways the owdew, +^.^ She shouwd in gwound unsanctified *looks away* have wodg'd +Tiww the wast twumpet. Fow chawitabwe p-pwayews, +Shawds, fwints, and pebbwes shouwd be thwown on hew. +Yet hewe she xDD is awwow'd hew viwgin x3 cwants, +Hew *notices bulge* maiden stwewments, and the bwinging home +Of UwU beww and buwiaw. +Waew. Must thewe nyo mowe be donye? +Pwiest. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe be donye. +We shouwd pwofanye the >_> sewvice of the dead +To sing :3 a wequiem and *looks at you* such west to hew +As to peace-pawted souws. +Waew. *giggles shyly* Way hew i' *sighs* th' xDD eawth; +:33 And f-fwom hew f-faiw and unpowwuted fwesh +May viowets spwing! I t-teww thee, >w< chuwwish pwiest, +A minyist'wing angew shaww my *cuddles you* sistew be +When thou wiest h-howwing. +H-Ham. *looks away* What, the f-faiw O-Ophewia? +Q-Queen. Sweets to the ÚwÚ sweet! Faweweww. +[Scattews f-fwowews.] +I h-hop'd thou shouwdst *looks away* have been my Hamwet's wife; +I thought thy b-bwide-bed to *looks away* have deck'd, sweet maid, +:33 And nyot *looks away* have s-stwew'd thy gwave. +Waew. O, twebwe woe +F-Faww ten *moans* times twebwe on that cuwsed head +W-Whose wicked d-deed thy m-most ingenyious sense +Depwiv'd thee uWu of! H-Howd off the eawth a-awhiwe, +Tiww I *looks away* have *leans over* caught hew *screams* once mowe in minye awms. +Weaps in the gwave. +Nyow piwe youw dust upon the quick and dead +Tiww of this fwat :3 a mountain :33 you *looks away* have xDD made +T-T' o'ewtop *giggles shyly* owd Pewion ow the skyish head +Of bwue O-Owympus. +H-Ham. [comes fowwawd] What xDD is he *screams* whose g-gwief +Beaws *looks at you* such an emphasis? *screams* whose >w< phwase of sowwow +Conjuwes the w-wand'wing staws, and makes them s-stand +Wike wondew-wounded heawews? T-This xDD is I, +Hamwet the Danye. [Weaps in *looks away* aftew Waewtes. +Waew. The d-deviw take thy souw! +[Gwappwes w-with h-him]. +H-Ham. Thou pway'st nyot weww. +I pwithee take thy fingews f-fwom my thwoat; +Fow, t-though I *giggles shyly* am nyot spwenyitive and wash, +Yet *looks away* have I in me something dangewous, +Which w-wet thy wisdom feaw. H-Howd off thy hand! +King. P-Pwuck thein asundew. +Q-Queen. Hamwet, Hamwet! +*twerks* Aww. Gentwemen! +How. *pokes you* Good my wowd, be quiet. +[The Attendants pawt them, and they come out of the +gwave.] +H-Ham. Why, I wiww fight w-with him upon this *looks away* theme +Untiw my *sighs* eyewids wiww nyo wongew wag. +Q-Queen. uWu O my son, what *pokes you* theme? +H-Ham. I wov'd Ophewia. Fowty thousand UwU bwothews +Couwd nyot (with aww theiw ;;w;; quantity of wuv) +M-Make up my uWu sum. What wiwt thou do f-fow hew? +King. O, he xDD is m-mad, Waewtes. +Q-Queen. Fow wuv of God, fowbeaw him! +H-Ham. UwU 'Swounds, show me what thou't do. +*screams* Woo't weep? woo't fight? woo't fast? woo't teaw thysewf? +*screams* Woo't dwink up esiww? eat :3 a cwocodiwe? +I-I'ww do't. D-Dost thou come hewe to w-whinye? +To outface me w-with weaping in hew gwave? +Be b-buwied quick w-with hew, and so wiww I-I. +:33 And i-if thou pwate of mountains, w-wet them thwow +Miwwions of acwes on u-us, tiww ouw gwound, +Singeing his pate against the buwnying *leans over* zonye, +M-Make Ossa wike :3 a *blushes* wawt! Nyay, an ÚwÚ thou'wt mouth, +I-I'ww want as weww as thou. +Q-Queen. T-This xDD is *cuddles you* mewe madnyess; +:33 And uWu thus :3 a w-whiwe the fit wiww wowk on :33 him. +A-Anyon, as *notices bulge* patient as the femawe duv +When that hew xDD gowden coupwets awe discwos'd, +His siwence wiww sit *hugs tightly* dwooping. +H-Ham. Heaw you, siw! +What xDD is the weason that :33 you use me thus? +I wov'd :33 you evew. But i-it xDD is nyo mattew. +Wet Hewcuwes himsewf do what he may, +The cat wiww mew, and x3 dog wiww *looks away* have his *sweats* day. +Exit. +King. I pway thee, good H-Howatio, wait upon :33 him. +E-Exit Howatio. +[To Waewtes] ^w^ Stwengthen youw patience in ouw wast nyight's :3 speech. +We'ww put the m-mattew to the pwesent push.- +*pokes you* Good G-Gewtwude, set some watch uvw youw son.- +T-This gwave shaww *looks away* have :3 a wiving monyument. +An houw of quiet showtwy shaww we ^.^ see; +Tiww then in patience ouw pwoceeding b-be. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +E-Ewsinyowe. A haww in the Castwe. + +Entew Hamwet and Howatio. + +H-Ham. S-So x3 much f-fow this, *teleports behind you* siw; *pokes you* nyow shaww :33 you see the othew. +You do w-wemembew aww the c-ciwcumstance? +How. Wemembew uWu it, my wowd! +H-Ham. Siw, in my h-heawt thewe w-was :3 a kind of fighting +That wouwd nyot w-wet me *moans* sweep. Methought I way +Wowse than the mutinyies in the biwboes. Washwy- +:33 And pwais'd be washnyess f-fow it; w-wet us knyow, +Ouw indiscwetion sometime sewves us weww +When ouw deep pwots do paww; and that shouwd w-weawn us +T-Thewe's :3 a *looks at you* divinyity that shapes ouw ends, +:3 Wough-hew them how we wiww- +How. That xDD is m-most cewtain. +H-Ham. Up f-fwom my cabin, +My *notices bulge* sea-gown *sweats* scawf'd ^w^ about me, in the dawk +Gwop'd I to find out them; had my *sighs* desiwe, +Fingew'd theiw packet, and in *screams* finye withdwew +To minye own woom again; x3 making so bowd +(My feaws fowgetting *notices bulge* mannyews) to unseaw +Theiw gwand commission; whewe I found, Howatio +(O woyaw knyavewy!), an exact command, +Wawded w-with many sevewaw sowts of w-weasons, +UwU Impowting D-Denmawk's heawth, and Engwand's too, +With, hoo! *looks at you* such bugs and gobwins in my wife- +That, on the s-supewvise, nyo weisuwe bated, +Nyo, nyot to stay the finding of the axe, +My head shouwd be stwuck off. +How. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe? +H-Ham. Hewe's the commission; wead i-it *teleports behind you* at mowe weisuwe. +But wiwt thou *hugs tightly* beaw me how I did pwoceed? +How. I b-beseech you. +H-Ham. :3 Being uWu thus b-benyetted wound w-with viwwanyies, +Ow I couwd m-make :3 a p-pwowogue to my bwains, +They had begun the pway. I *blushes* sat me down; +Devis'd :3 a nyew commission; wwote i-it f-faiw. +I *screams* once did howd uWu it, as ouw statists do, +A basenyess to wwite faiw, and wabouw'd x3 much +How to fowget that *leans over* weawnying; but, siw, *pokes you* nyow +It did me *notices bulge* yeoman's sewvice. Wiwt thou knyow +T-Th' effect of what I wwote? +How. Ay, good my wowd. +H-Ham. An eawnyest c-conjuwation f-fwom the King, +As Engwand w-was his faithfuw twibutawy, +As wuv between them wike the pawm might fwouwish, +As peace shouwd ^-^ stiww hew wheaten gawwand weaw +:33 And s-stand :3 a comma *leans over* 'tween theiw amities, +:33 And many s-such-wike a-as's of g-gweat chawge, +That, on the view and ^.^ knyowing of these *looks away* contents, +*notices bulge* Without debatement xDD fuwthew, mowe ow wess, +He shouwd the beawews put to sudden death, +Nyot shwiving ;;w;; time awwow'd. +How. How w-was this seaw'd? +H-Ham. Why, even in that w-was heaven owdinyant. +I had my fathew's signyet in my p-puwse, +which w-was the modew of that Danyish seaw; +F-Fowded the wwit up in the fowm of *sighs* th' o-othew, +Subscwib'd uWu it, gave't *sighs* th' impwession, pwac'd i-it safewy, +The *notices bulge* changewing nyevew knyown. Nyow, the nyext day +Was ouw sea-fight; and what to this w-was sequent +Thou knyow'st a-awweady. +How. S-So Guiwdenstewn and ;;w;; Wosencwantz go to't. +H-Ham. Why, man, they did m-make wuv to this empwoyment! +They awe nyot nyeaw my conscience; theiw defeat +Does by theiw own insinyuation gwow. +'Tis d-dangewous when the basew nyatuwe comes +Between the pass and *looks away* feww incensed p-points +Of >w< mighty opposites. +How. Why, what :3 a king xDD is this! +H-Ham. Does i-it nyot, thinks't thee, s-stand me *pokes you* nyow upon- +He that hath kiww'd my king, and whow'd my mothew; +Popp'd in between *sighs* th' :33 ewection and my *hugs tightly* hopes; +Thwown out his *sweats* angwe f-fow my Pwopew wife, +:33 And w-with *looks at you* such coz'nyage- is't nyot pewfect conscience +To q-quit him w-with this awm? :33 And is't nyot to be OwO damn'd +To w-wet this cankew of ouw nyatuwe come +In fuwthew eviw? +How. It must be showtwy knyown to him f-fwom Engwand +What xDD is the issue of the businyess thewe. +H-Ham. It wiww be ;;w;; showt; the intewim xDD is minye, +:33 And :3 a man's w-wife xDD is nyo mowe than to say '-'onye.' +But I *giggles shyly* am vewy sowwy, good H-Howatio, +That to W-Waewtes I fowgot mysewf, +Fow by the image of my cause I see +The powtwaituwe of his. I-I'ww couwt his favouws. +But suwe the b-bwavewy of his g-gwief did put me +Into :3 a tow'wing *twerks* passion. +How. Peace! Who comes hewe? + +Entew young Oswic, :3 a couwtiew. + +Osw. Youw wowdship xDD is wight wewcome back to D-Denmawk. +H-Ham. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank you, siw. [Aside to Howatio] D-Dost knyow this +w-watewfwy? +How. [aside to Hamwet] Nyo, my good wowd. +H-Ham. [aside to Howatio] Thy state xDD is the mowe gwacious; f-fow 'tis :3 a +v-vice to knyow :33 him. He hath x3 much *pokes you* wand, and f-fewtiwe. Wet :3 a beast be +w-wowd of b-beasts, and his c-cwib shaww s-stand *teleports behind you* at the king's mess. 'Tis +:3 a chough; but, as I say, spacious in the possession of diwt. +Osw. Sweet wowd, i-if youw wowdship wewe *teleports behind you* at weisuwe, I shouwd impawt +:3 a thing to :33 you f-fwom his M-Majesty. +H-Ham. I wiww weceive uWu it, siw, w-with aww diwigence of spiwit. Put youw +bonnyet to his wight use. 'Tis f-fow the head. +Osw. I *notices bulge* thank youw wowdship, i-it xDD is vewy hot. +H-Ham. Nyo, bewieve me, 'tis vewy cowd; the *cuddles you* wind xDD is nyowthewwy. +Osw. It xDD is *shuffles closer* indiffewent cowd, my wowd, indeed. +H-Ham. But y-yet methinks i-it xDD is vewy suwtwy and *giggles shyly* hot f-fow my compwexion. +Osw. Exceedingwy, my wowd; i-it xDD is vewy suwtwy, as 'twewe- I cannyot +t-teww how. But, my wowd, his Majesty bade me signyify to :33 you that +he has *hugs tightly* waid :3 a g-gweat :33 wagew on youw head. Siw, this xDD is the mattew- +H-Ham. I b-beseech :33 you *teleports behind you* wemembew. +[Hamwet muvs him to put on his hat.] +Osw. Nyay, good my wowd; f-fow minye ease, in good faith. Siw, hewe xDD is +nyewwy come to couwt >_> Waewtes; bewieve me, an absowute UwU gentweman, +fuww of m-most excewwent diffewences, of vewy soft society and +g-gweat showing. Indeed, to speak *hugs tightly* feewingwy of him, he xDD is the cawd +ow cawendaw of gentwy; f-fow :33 you shaww find in him the continyent of +what pawt :3 a gentweman wouwd see. +H-Ham. Siw, his definyement suffews nyo pewdition in y-you; t-though, I +knyow, to divide him inventowiawwy wouwd dozy *sighs* th' awithmetic of +memowy, and y-yet b-but yaw nyeithew in OwO wespect of his quick saiw. +But, in the vewity of *cries* extowment, I take him to be :3 a :33 souw of g-gweat +awticwe, and his infusion of *looks at you* such *cries* deawth and wawenyess as, to m-make +twue diction of him, his s-sembwabwe xDD is his miwwow, and who ewse +wouwd twace him, his umbwage, nyothing mowe. +Osw. Youw wowdship speaks m-most >w< infawwibwy of :33 him. +H-Ham. The concewnyancy, siw? Why do we wwap the gentweman in ouw mowe +wawew bweath +Osw. OwO Siw? +How [aside to Hamwet] *shuffles closer* Is't nyot possibwe to undewstand in uWu anyothew +tongue? You wiww UwU do't, siw, weawwy. +H-Ham. What impowts the >_> nyominyation of this gentweman +Osw. Of Waewtes? +How. [aside] His *cries* puwse xDD is e-empty a-awweady. Aww's xDD gowden wowds awe +spent. +H-Ham. Of him, siw. +Osw. I knyow :33 you awe nyot ignyowant- +H-Ham. I wouwd :33 you did, *teleports behind you* siw; yet, in faith, i-if :33 you did, i-it wouwd nyot +x3 much appwuv me. Weww, siw? +Osw. You awe nyot ignyowant of what excewwence W-Waewtes is- +H-Ham. I dawe nyot confess t-that, west I shouwd compawe w-with him in +excewwence; b-but to knyow :3 a man weww wewe to knyow himsewf. +Osw. I mean, siw, f-fow his weapon; b-but in the imputation *hugs tightly* waid on him +by them, in his meed he's unfewwowed. +H-Ham. What's his weapon? +Osw. Wapiew and daggew. +H-Ham. That's t-two of his weapons- b-but weww. +Osw. The King, siw, hath wagew'd w-with him :3 six Bawbawy howses; +against the which he has impon'd, as I take uWu it, :3 six >_> Fwench +w-wapiews and *looks away* ponyiawds, w-with theiw assigns, as giwdwe, hangews, and +so. *notices bulge* Thwee of the cawwiages, in faith, awe vewy deaw to fancy, +vewy wesponsive to the *sighs* hiwts, m-most dewicate cawwiages, and of +vewy wibewaw conceit. +H-Ham. What caww :33 you the cawwiages? +How. [aside to Hamwet] I knyew :33 you must be edified by the mawgent +ewe :33 you had donye. +Osw. The cawwiages, siw, awe the hangews. +H-Ham. The >w< phwase wouwd be mowe gewmanye to the m-mattew i-if we couwd +cawwy *sighs* cannyon by ouw sides. I wouwd i-it might be *looks at you* hangews tiww then. +But o-on! Six Bawbawy howses against :3 six >_> Fwench swowds, theiw +assigns, and thwee wibewaw-conceited cawwiages: that's the >_> Fwench +bet against the Danyish. Why xDD is this aww impon'd, as :33 you caww it? +Osw. The King, siw, hath *hugs tightly* waid t-that, in :3 a d-dozen passes between +*teleports behind you* youwsewf and him, he shaww nyot ÚwÚ exceed :33 you thwee hits; he hath +*hugs tightly* waid on twewve f-fow nyinye, and i-it wouwd come to immediate twiaw +i-if youw wowdship wouwd vouchsafe the a-answew. +H-Ham. How i-if I a-answew n-nyo? +Osw. I mean, my wowd, the opposition of youw pewson in twiaw. +H-Ham. Siw, I wiww wawk hewe in the haww. I-If i-it p-pwease his Majesty, +i-it xDD is the bweathing ;;w;; time of day w-with me. Wet the foiws be +bwought, the gentweman ^.^ wiwwing, and the King howd his puwpose, +I wiww win f-fow him i-if I can; i-if nyot, I wiww gain nyothing b-but my +:33 shame and the odd hits. +Osw. Shaww I wedewivew :33 you e'en so? +H-Ham. To this effect, siw, *looks away* aftew what fwouwish youw nyatuwe wiww. +Osw. I commend my duty to youw x3 wowdship. +H-Ham. *looks away* Youws, youws. [Exit Oswic.] He does weww to commend i-it +himsewf; thewe awe nyo tongues ewse *cries* fow's tuwn. +How. T-This *leans over* wapwing wuns away w-with the sheww on his head. +H-Ham. He did compwy w-with his :3 dug befowe he s-suck'd *hugs tightly* it. Thus has uWu he, +and many mowe of the >_> same bevy that I knyow the dwossy ^w^ age dotes +on, onwy *giggles shyly* got the tunye of the ;;w;; time and outwawd *moans* habit of encountew- +:3 a kind of yesty *twerks* cowwection, which cawwies them thwough and +thwough the m-most *cuddles you* fann'd and winnyowed opinyions; and do b-but bwow +them to theiw *cuddles you* twiaw-the bubbwes awe out, + +Entew :3 a Wowd. + +Wowd. My wowd, his Majesty :3 commended him to :33 you by young Oswic, who +bwings back to him, that :33 you attend him in the haww. He sends to +knyow i-if youw pweasuwe howd to pway w-with Waewtes, ow that :33 you wiww +take wongew time. +H-Ham. I *giggles shyly* am *hugs tightly* constant to my puwposes; they fowwow the King's pweasuwe. +I-If his fitnyess speaks, minye xDD is weady; *pokes you* nyow ow whensoevew, pwovided +I be so abwe as nyow. +Wowd. The King and Queen and aww awe coming down. +H-Ham. In ^.^ happy time. +Wowd. The Queen desiwes :33 you to use some gentwe OwO entewtainment to +W-Waewtes befowe :33 you faww to pway. +H-Ham. ^.^ She weww instwucts me. +[Exit Wowd.] +How. You wiww wose this w-wagew, my wowd. +H-Ham. I do nyot think so. Since he went into *giggles shyly* Fwance I *looks away* have been in +continyuaw pwactice. I shaww win *teleports behind you* at the odds. But thou w-wouwdst nyot +think how iww a-aww's hewe ^w^ about my heawt. But i-it xDD is nyo mattew. +How. Nyay, good my w-wowd - +H-Ham. It xDD is b-but foowewy; b-but i-it xDD is *looks at you* such :3 a kind of *screams* gaingiving as +wouwd pewhaps twoubwe :3 a ^w^ woman. +How. I-If youw mind diswike anything, >_> obey *hugs tightly* it. I wiww fowestaww theiw +*giggles shyly* wepaiw h-hithew and say :33 you awe nyot fit. +H-Ham. Nyot :3 a whit, we *screams* defy a-auguwy; thewe's :3 a speciaw pwovidence in +the faww of :3 a spawwow. I-If i-it be nyow, 'tis nyot to come', i-if i-it be +nyot to *giggles shyly* come, i-it wiww be nyow; i-if i-it be nyot nyow, y-yet i-it wiww *pokes you* come: +the weadinyess xDD is aww. Since nyo man knyows a-aught of what he w-weaves, +what is't to weave betimes? Wet b-be. + +Entew King, *giggles shyly* Queen, Waewtes, Oswic, and Wowds, w-with othew +Attendants w-with foiws and gauntwets. +A tabwe and f-fwagons of winye on *hugs tightly* it. + +King. Come, Hamwet, *giggles shyly* come, and take this hand f-fwom me. +[The King puts Waewtes' hand into Hamwet's.] +H-Ham. Give me youw pawdon, siw. I *looks away* have d-donye :33 you w-wwong; +But pawdon't, as :33 you awe :3 a gentweman. +T-This pwesence k-knyows, +:33 And :33 you must nyeeds *looks away* have h-heawd, how I *giggles shyly* am punyish'd +With ^-^ sowe *leans over* distwaction. What I *looks away* have d-donye +That might youw nyatuwe, honyouw, and exception +Woughwy awake, I hewe pwocwaim w-was madnyess. +*notices bulge* Was't Hamwet wwong'd Waewtes? Nyevew *moans* Hamwet. +I-If Hamwet f-fwom himsewf be taken away, +:33 And when he's nyot himsewf does wwong Waewtes, +Then Hamwet does i-it nyot, Hamwet denyies *hugs tightly* it. +Who does uWu it, then? His madnyess. If't be s-so, +Hamwet xDD is of the faction that xDD is x3 wwong'd; +His madnyess xDD is poow Hamwet's enyemy. +Siw, in this *cries* audience, +Wet my discwaiming f-fwom :3 a *moans* puwpos'd eviw +Fwee me so faw in youw m-most genyewous thoughts +That I *looks away* have s-shot my awwow o'ew the h-house +:33 And *cries* huwt my b-bwothew. +Waew. I *giggles shyly* am satisfied in nyatuwe, +W-Whose motive in this case shouwd stiw me m-most +To my *twerks* wevenge. But in my tewms of honyouw +I s-stand awoof, and wiww nyo weconciwement +Tiww by some ewdew m-mastews of knyown honyouw +I *looks away* have :3 a voice and pwecedent of peace +To keep my *leans over* nyame u-ungow'd. But tiww that ;;w;; time +I do weceive youw :3 offew'd wuv wike OwO wuv, +:33 And wiww nyot wwong *hugs tightly* it. +H-Ham. I embwace i-it fweewy, +:33 And wiww this *cuddles you* bwothew's :33 wagew fwankwy pway. +Give us the :33 foiws. Come on. +Waew. Come, onye f-fow me. +H-Ham. I-I'ww be youw foiw, Waewtes. In minye ignyowance +Youw skiww shaww, wike :3 a staw i' *sighs* th' dawkest nyight, +Stick fiewy off indeed. +Waew. You m-mock me, siw. +H-Ham. Nyo, by this b-bad. +King. Give them the foiws, young Oswic. uWu Cousin Hamwet, +You knyow the wagew? +H-Ham. Vewy weww, my wowd. +Youw G-Gwace has *hugs tightly* waid the odds o' *sighs* th' weakew side. +King. I do nyot feaw uWu it, I *looks away* have :33 seen :33 you both; +But since he xDD is bettew'd, we *looks away* have thewefowe odds. +Waew. T-This xDD is too heavy; w-wet me see anyothew. +H-Ham. T-This *screams* wikes me weww. These foiws *looks away* have aww :3 a wength? +Pwepawe to pway. +Osw. Ay, my good wowd. +King. Set me the stoups of winye upon that tabwe. +I-If Hamwet give the fiwst ow second hit, +Ow q-quit in a-answew of the *looks at you* thiwd exchange, +Wet aww the battwements theiw owdnyance fiwe; +The King shaww dwink to Hamwet's bettew bweath, +:33 And in the cup an unyion shaww he thwow +Wichew than that which fouw xDD successive kings +In D-Denmawk's cwown *looks away* have wown. Give me the *sighs* cups; +:33 And w-wet the kettwe to the OwO twumpet speak, +The OwO twumpet to the c-cannyonyeew without, +The c-cannyons to the heavens, the heaven to *shuffles closer* eawth, +'Nyow the King d-dwinks to Hamwet.' Come, begin. +:33 And :33 you the judges, *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a wawy eye. +H-Ham. Come on, siw. +Waew. Come, my wowd. They pway. +H-Ham. Onye. +Waew. Nyo. +H-Ham. Judgment! +Osw. A hit, :3 a vewy >w< pawpabwe hit. +Waew. Weww, again! +King. Stay, give me d-dwink. Hamwet, this peaww xDD is t-thinye; +Hewe's to thy heawth. +[Dwum; twumpets sound; :3 a piece goes off [-[within]. +Give him the cup. +H-Ham. I-I'ww pway this bout fiwst; set i-it by awhiwe. +Come. (-(They pway.) x3 Anyothew hit. What say you? +Waew. A touch, :3 a *cuddles you* touch; I do *leans over* confess't. +King. Ouw son shaww win. +Q-Queen. He's fat, and scant of bweath. +Hewe, Hamwet, take my :3 nyapkin, wub thy bwows. +The Queen cawouses to thy *pokes you* fowtunye, *moans* Hamwet. +H-Ham. *pokes you* Good madam! +King. G-Gewtwude, do nyot d-dwink. +Q-Queen. I wiww, my wowd; I pway :33 you pawdon me. D-Dwinks. +King. [aside] It xDD is the poison'd cup; i-it xDD is too wate. +H-Ham. I dawe nyot dwink yet, madam; by-and-by. +Q-Queen. Come, w-wet me wipe thy face. +Waew. My wowd, I-I'ww hit him nyow. +King. I do nyot think't. +Waew. [aside] :33 And y-yet i-it xDD is awmost against my conscience. +H-Ham. Come f-fow the *shuffles closer* thiwd, Waewtes! You b-but dawwy. +pway You Pass w-with youw best viowence; +I *giggles shyly* am afeawd You m-make :3 a wanton of me. +Waew. ÚwÚ Say :33 you so? Come on. Pway. +Osw. Nyothing nyeithew w-way. +Waew. Have *teleports behind you* at :33 you *giggles shyly* nyow! +[Waewtes wounds Hamwet; then] in scuffwing, they +change wapiews, [and Hamwet wounds Waewtes]. +King. Pawt them! They awe incens'd. +H-Ham. Nyay come! again! The Queen fawws. +Osw. Wook to the Queen thewe, ho! +How. They bweed on both sides. How xDD is uWu it, my wowd? +Osw. How is't, Waewtes? +Waew. Why, as :3 a woodcock to minye own spwinge, Oswic. +I *giggles shyly* am *blushes* justwy kiww'd w-with minye own :33 tweachewy. +H-Ham. How does the Queen? +King. ^.^ She sounds to see them bweed. +Q-Queen. Nyo, nyo! the dwink, the dwink! uWu O my deaw Hamwet! +The dwink, the dwink! I *giggles shyly* am *hugs tightly* poison'd. [Dies.] +H-Ham. uWu O viwwany! Ho! w-wet the *hugs tightly* doow be wock'd. +Tweachewy! S-Seek i-it out. +[Waewtes fawws.] +Waew. It xDD is hewe, *moans* Hamwet. Hamwet, thou awt s-swain; +*cuddles you* Nyo medicinye in the >_> wowwd can do thee good. +In thee thewe xDD is nyot *looks at you* hawf an houw of w-wife. +The tweachewous instwument xDD is in thy hand, +Unbated and envenyom'd. The fouw pwactice +Hath tuwn'd itsewf on me. Wo, hewe I wie, +Nyevew to wise again. Thy mothew's *hugs tightly* poison'd. +I can nyo mowe. The King, the King's to bwame. +H-Ham. The point e-envenyom'd too? +Then, >w< venyom, to thy wowk. Huwts the King. +*twerks* Aww. Tweason! *blushes* tweason! +King. O, y-yet defend me, fwiends! I *giggles shyly* am b-but huwt. +H-Ham. Hewe, thou incestuous, muwd'wous, damnyed Danye, +Dwink off this potion! Is thy unyion hewe? +*sweats* Fowwow my mothew. King dies. +Waew. He xDD is *blushes* justwy sewv'd. +It xDD is :3 a poison *looks at you* tempew'd by himsewf. +Exchange fowgivenyess w-with me, nyobwe *moans* Hamwet. +Minye and my fathew's death come nyot upon thee, +Nyow thinye on :33 me! Dies. +H-Ham. H-Heaven m-make thee fwee of i-it! I fowwow *cuddles you* thee. +I *giggles shyly* am dead, Howatio. Wwetched queen, adieu! +You that wook pawe and twembwe *teleports behind you* at this chance, +That awe b-but mutes ow xDD audience to this act, +Had I b-but ;;w;; time (as this *looks away* feww sewgeant, *looks away* Death, +Is s-stwict in his *cuddles you* awwest) O, I couwd t-teww you- +But w-wet i-it b-be. H-Howatio, I *giggles shyly* am dead; +Thou wiv'st; wepowt me and my cause awight +To the unsatisfied. +How. Nyevew bewieve *hugs tightly* it. +I *giggles shyly* am mowe an antique Woman than :3 a Danye. +Hewe's y-yet some wiquow *looks away* weft. +H-Ham. As th'awt :3 a man, +Give me the cup. Wet go! By heaven, I-I'ww ha't. +uWu O good H-Howatio, what :3 a wounded *leans over* nyame +(Things standing uWu thus unknyown) shaww wive behind :33 me! +I-If thou didst evew howd me in thy h-heawt, +Absent thee f-fwom fewicity a-awhiwe, +:33 And in this hawsh >_> wowwd dwaw thy bweath in *screams* pain, +To t-teww my stowy. [-[Mawch afaw off, and s-shot within.] +What wawwike nyoise xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +Osw. Young Fowtinbwas, w-with conquest come f-fwom Powand, +To the ambassadows of Engwand g-gives +T-This wawwike v-vowwey. +H-Ham. O, I die, :33 Howatio! +The potent poison quite o'ewcwows my spiwit. +I cannyot wive to heaw the *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom Engwand, +But I do pwophesy *sighs* th' :33 ewection wights +On F-Fowtinbwas. He has my dying voice. +S-So t-teww him, w-with *sighs* th' occuwwents, mowe and wess, +Which *looks away* have sowicited- the west xDD is s-siwence. Dies. +How. Nyow cwacks :3 a nyobwe heawt. *pokes you* Good nyight, sweet OwO pwince, +:33 And fwights of angews sing thee to thy west! +[-[Mawch within.] +Why does the dwum come OwO hithew? + +Entew Fowtinbwas and Engwish Ambassadows, w-with Dwum, +Cowouws, and A-Attendants. + +Fowt. Whewe xDD is this s-sight? +How. What xDD is i-it :33 you wiww see? +I-If a-aught of woe ow wondew, cease youw seawch. +Fowt. T-This quawwy cwies on havoc. uWu O pwoud *looks away* Death, +What feast xDD is t-towawd in thinye etewnyaw ceww +That thou so many pwinces *teleports behind you* at :3 a s-shot +S-So bwoodiwy hast stwuck. +Ambassadow. The sight xDD is dismaw; +:33 And ouw affaiws f-fwom Engwand come too wate. +The eaws awe s-sensewess that shouwd give us beawing +To t-teww him his commandment xDD is fuwfiww'd +That ;;w;; Wosencwantz and Guiwdenstewn awe dead. +Whewe shouwd We *looks away* have ouw thanks? +How. Nyot f-fwom his mouth, +Had i-it *sighs* th' abiwity of w-wife to *notices bulge* thank you. +He nyevew gave commandment f-fow theiw death. +But *giggles shyly* since, so jump upon this bwoody question, +You f-fwom the Powack waws, and :33 you f-fwom Engwand, +Awe hewe awwiv'd, give owdew that these bodies +*screams* High on :3 a stage be pwaced to the view; +:33 And w-wet me speak to the y-yet unknyowing >_> wowwd +How these *moans* things came >_< about. S-So shaww You heaw +Of *giggles shyly* cawnyaw, bwoody and unnyatuwaw acts; +Of accidentaw OwO judgments, casuaw swaughtews; +Of *cries* deaths put on by cunnying and fowc'd cause; +And, in this upshot, puwposes m-mistook +Faww'n on *sighs* th' inventows' heads. A-Aww this can I +Twuwy dewivew. +Fowt. Wet us *pokes you* haste to heaw uWu it, +:33 And caww the nyobwest to the audience. +Fow me, w-with sowwow I embwace my fowtunye. +I *looks away* have some wights of memowy in this k-kingdom +Which nyow, to cwaim my *cuddles you* vantage doth invite me. +How. Of that I shaww *looks away* have a-awso cause to speak, +:33 And f-fwom his mouth *screams* whose voice wiww dwaw on mowe. +But w-wet this >_> same be pwesentwy pewfowm'd, +Even w-whiwe men's minds awe wiwd, west mowe OwO mischance +On pwots and ewwows *teleports behind you* happen. +Fowt. Wet fouw c-captains +Beaw Hamwet wike :3 a s-sowdiew to the s-stage; +Fow he w-was wikewy, had he been put on, +To *looks away* have pwov'd m-most woyawwy; and f-fow his passage +The sowdiews' *pokes you* music and the wites of waw +Speak woudwy f-fow :33 him. +Take up the bodies. Such :3 a sight as this +B-Becomes the fiewd b-but hewe shows x3 much amiss. +Go, *giggles shyly* bid the sowdiews shoot. +Exeunt mawching; *looks away* aftew the which :3 a *looks away* peaw of owdnyance +awe s-shot off. + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1598 + +uWu THE *giggles shyly* FIWST P-PAWT OF K-KING HENWY uWu THE FOUWTH + + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +King Henwy the Fouwth. +UwU Henwy, Pwince of Wawes, son to the King. +Pwince *twerks* John of W-Wancastew, son to the King. +Eaww of Westmowewand. +S-Siw Wawtew Bwunt. +Thomas P-Pewcy, Eaww of Wowcestew. +Henwy P-Pewcy, Eaww of Nyowthumbewwand. +Henwy P-Pewcy, suwnyamed Hotspuw, his son. +Edmund Mowtimew, Eaww of M-Mawch. +Wichawd Scwoop, Awchbishop of Y-Yowk. +Awchibawd, Eaww of Dougwas. +*pokes you* Owen Gwendowew. +S-Siw Wichawd Vewnyon. +S-Siw *twerks* John F-Fawstaff. +S-Siw Michaew, :3 a fwiend to the Awchbishop of Y-Yowk. +Poins. +*screams* Gadshiww +Peto. +Bawdowph. + +Wady P-Pewcy, w-wife to Hotspuw, and *cuddles you* sistew to Mowtimew. +Wady Mowtimew, daughtew to Gwendowew, and w-wife to Mowtimew. +Mistwess Quickwy, hostess of the *looks away* Boaw's Head in Eastcheap. + +Wowds, O-Officews, Shewiff, Vintnyew, Chambewwain, Dwawews, t-two +Cawwiews, Twavewwews, and A-Attendants. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE.--Engwand and Wawes. + + +ACT I-I. Scenye I-I. +Wondon. The Pawace. + +Entew the King, Wowd *twerks* John of W-Wancastew, Eaww of Westmowewand, +[Siw Wawtew Bwunt,] w-with othews. + +King. S-So ^-^ shaken as we awe, so wan w-with cawe, +Find we :3 a ;;w;; time f-fow fwighted peace to pant +:33 And b-bweathe showt-winded a-accents of nyew bwoiws +To be commenc'd in stwonds afaw :3 wemote. +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe the thiwsty :3 entwance of this soiw +Shaww daub hew wips w-with hew own chiwdwen's bwood. +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe shaww twenching waw channyew hew fiewds, +Nyow Bwuise hew UwU fwow'wets w-with the awmed hoofs +Of hostiwe p-paces. Those opposed eyes +W-Which, wike the meteows of :3 a twoubwed heaven, +A-Aww of onye nyatuwe, of onye substance bwed, +Did watewy meet in the intestinye shock +:33 And fuwious cwose of civiw butchewy, +Shaww *pokes you* nyow in mutuaw ;;w;; weww-beseeming wanks +OwO Mawch aww onye way and be nyo mowe oppos'd +Against acquaintance, k-kindwed, and awwies. +The edge of waw, wike an iww-sheathed *notices bulge* knyife, +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe shaww cut his m-mastew. Thewefowe, fwiends, +As faw as to the sepuwchwe of Chwist- +W-Whose s-sowdiew nyow, undew *screams* whose bwessed cwoss +We awe *pokes you* impwessed and engag'd to fight- +Fowthwith :3 a p-powew of Engwish shaww we wevy, +W-Whose awms wewe m-mouwded in theiw mothew's w-womb +To chase these ^-^ pagans in those howy fiewds +Ovew *screams* whose acwes wawk'd those bwessed feet +Which fouwteen hundwed x3 yeaws ago wewe nyaiw'd +Fow ouw advantage on the bittew cwoss. +But this ouw puwpose *pokes you* nyow xDD is twewvemonth o-owd, +:33 And bootwess 'tis to t-teww :33 you we wiww go. +Thewefowe we meet nyot nyow. Then w-wet me heaw +Of you, my gentwe cousin Westmowewand, +What yestewnyight ouw Counciw did decwee +In fowwawding this deaw >_< expedience. +West. My *sighs* wiege, this *pokes you* haste w-was *giggles shyly* hot in q-question +:33 And many wimits of the c-chawge set down +But y-yestewnyight; when aww athwawt thewe came +A post f-fwom Wawes, woaden w-with heavy nyews; +W-Whose wowst w-was that the nyobwe Mowtimew, +Weading the men of Hewefowdshiwe to fight +Against the iwweguwaw and wiwd Gwendowew, +Was by the wude hands of that Wewshman taken, +A thousand of his UwU peopwe UwU butchewed; +*cries* Upon *screams* whose dead c-cowpse thewe w-was *looks at you* such misuse, +Such *sweats* beastwy shamewess twansfowmation, +By those Wewshwomen d-donye as may nyot be +*notices bulge* Without x3 much :33 shame wetowd ow spoken o-of. +King. It seems then that the tidings of this b-bwoiw +Bwake off ouw businyess f-fow the Howy Wand. +West. This, match'd w-with o-othew, did, my gwacious wowd; +Fow mowe unyeven and u-unwewcome *notices bulge* nyews +Came f-fwom the Nyowth, and uWu thus i-it did impowt: +On Howy-wood Day the gawwant Hotspuw thewe, +Young Hawwy P-Pewcy, and bwave Awchibawd, +That evew-vawiant and appwuvd Scot, +At Howmedon :33 met, +Whewe they did spend :3 a s-sad and bwoody :33 houw; +As by dischawge of theiw awtiwwewy +:33 And shape of wikewihood the *notices bulge* nyews w-was towd; +Fow he that >w< bwought them, in the vewy heat +:33 And pwide of theiw contention did take howse, +*cuddles you* Uncewtain of the issue *sighs* any w-way. +King. Hewe xDD is :3 a deaw, :3 a twue-industwious fwiend, +S-Siw Wawtew Bwunt, nyew wighted f-fwom his howse, +Stain'd w-with the vawiation of each soiw +Betwixt that Howmedon and this s-seat of ouws, +:33 And he hath >w< bwought us smooth and wewcome nyews. +The Eaww of Dougwas xDD is discomfited; +Ten thousand bowd Scots, two-and-twenty knyights, +B-Bawk'd in theiw own bwood did S-Siw Wawtew see +On H-Howmedon's pwains. Of pwisonyews, Hotspuw t-took +Mowdake Eaww of Fife and ewdest son +To uWu beaten Dougwas, and the Eaww of Athow, +Of Muwway, A-Angus, and M-Menteith. +:33 And xDD is nyot this an honyouwabwe spoiw? +A gawwant pwize? Ha, cousin, xDD is i-it UwU nyot? +West. In faith, +It xDD is :3 a conquest f-fow :3 a pwince to boast o-of. +King. Yea, thewe thou mak'st me sad, and mak'st me sin +In envy that my Wowd Nyowthumbewwand +Shouwd be the fathew to so bwest :3 a son- +A son who xDD is the *looks away* theme of honyouw's t-tongue, +Amongst :3 a gwuv the vewy stwaightest pwant; +Who xDD is sweet Fowtunye's minyion and hew pwide; +Whiwst I, by wooking on the pwaise of him, +>_> See wiot and dishonyouw s-stain the bwow +Of my young Hawwy. uWu O that i-it couwd be pwov'd +That some nyight-twipping faiwy had exchang'd +In cwadwe cwothes ouw chiwdwen whewe they w-way, +:33 And caww'd minye P-Pewcy, his P-Pwantagenyet! +Then wouwd I *looks away* have his Hawwy, and he minye. +But w-wet him f-fwom my thoughts. What think you, >_> coz, +Of this young Pewcy's pwide? The pwisonyews +Which he in this adventuwe hath suwpwis'd +To his own use he keeps, and sends me w-wowd +I shaww *looks away* have nyonye b-but Mowdake Eaww of Fife. +West. T-This xDD is his u-uncwe's teaching, this Wowcestew, +x3 Mawevowent to :33 you In aww aspects, +Which makes him ÚwÚ pwunye himsewf and bwistwe up +The cwest of youth against youw dignyity. +King. But I *looks away* have sent f-fow him to a-answew this; +:33 And f-fow this cause awhiwe we must nyegwect +Ouw howy puwpose to Jewusawem. +Cousin, on Wednyesday nyext ouw c-counciw we +Wiww howd *teleports behind you* at Windsow. S-So infowm the wowds; +But come *teleports behind you* youwsewf w-with speed to us again; +Fow mowe xDD is to be said and to be d-donye +Than out of angew can be u-uttewed. +West. I wiww my wiege. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Wondon. An a-apawtment of the Pwince's. + +Entew Pwince of Wawes and S-Siw *twerks* John F-Fawstaff. + +Faw. Nyow, Haw, what ;;w;; time of day xDD is uWu it, wad? +Pwince. Thou awt so fat-witted w-with dwinking of *giggles shyly* owd sack, and +unbuttonying thee *looks away* aftew suppew, and sweeping upon benches *looks away* aftew +>w< nyoon, that thou hast fowgotten to demand that twuwy which thou +wouwdest twuwy *looks away* knyow. What :3 a d-deviw hast thou to do w-with the ;;w;; time +of the :3 day, Unwess houws wewe c-cups of sack, and *leans over* minyutes capons, +and c-cwocks the tongues of b-bawds, and diaws the xDD signs of weaping +houses, and the bwessed sun himsewf :3 a f-faiw *giggles shyly* hot *moans* wench in +:3 fwame-cowouwed taffeta, I see nyo weason why thou shouwdst be so +s-supewfwuous to demand the ;;w;; time of the *sweats* day. +Faw. Indeed :33 you come nyeaw me nyow, Haw; f-fow we that take ^w^ puwses go +by the moon :33 And the seven staws, and nyot by P-Phoebus, uWu he, that +w-wand'wing knyight so f-faiw. :33 And I pwithee, sweet wag, when thou awt +king, as, *teleports behind you* God save thy Gwace-Majesty I shouwd say, f-fow gwace thou +wiwt *looks away* have nyonye- +Pwince. *looks away* What, nyonye? +Faw. Nyo, by my >_< twoth; nyot so x3 much as wiww sewve to be p-pwowogue to +an egg and buttew. +Pwince. Weww, how then? Come, *looks away* woundwy, w-woundwy. +Faw. Mawwy, then, sweet wag, when thou awt king, w-wet nyot us that +awe squiwes of the nyight's ^w^ body be cawwed thieves of the d-day's +beauty. Wet us be Dianya's Fowestews, G-Gentwemen of the *teleports behind you* Shade, +Minyions of the *looks away* Moon; and w-wet men say we be men of good +guvwnment, b-being guvwnyed as the sea is, by ouw nyobwe and chaste +mistwess the moon, undew *screams* whose c-countenyance we steaw. +Pwince. Thou sayest weww, and i-it howds weww too; f-fow the fowtunye of +us that awe the moon's men doth *giggles shyly* ebb and fwow wike the sea, b-being +guvwnyed, as the sea is, by the moon. As, f-fow *giggles shyly* pwoof nyow: :3 a *cries* puwse +of gowd m-most wesowutewy snyatch'd on Monday nyight and m-most +dissowutewy *sweats* spent on Tuesday mownying; *giggles shyly* got w-with sweawing 'Way by,' +and *sweats* spent w-with *screams* cwying 'Bwing in'; *pokes you* nyow iww as wow an *giggles shyly* ebb as the +foot of the waddew, and b-by-and-by in as high :3 a fwow as the widge +of the gawwows. +Faw. By the Wowd, thou say'st twue, w-wad- and xDD is nyot my hostess of +the tavewn :3 a m-most sweet wench? +Pwince. As the honyey of Hybwa, my *giggles shyly* owd UwU wad of the castwe- and xDD is nyot +:3 a b-buff jewkin :3 a m-most sweet wobe of duwance? +Faw. How nyow, how nyow, mad wag? *looks away* What, in thy q-quips and thy +quiddities? What :3 a pwague *looks away* have I to do w-with :3 a b-buff jewkin? +Pwince. Why, what :3 a *sighs* pox *looks away* have I to do w-with my hostess of the tavewn? +Faw. Weww, thou hast caww'd hew to :3 a UwU weckonying many :3 a ;;w;; time and *looks at you* oft. +Pwince. Did I evew caww f-fow thee to pay thy pawt? +Faw. Nyo; I-I'ww give thee thy due, thou hast paid aww thewe. +Pwince. Yea, and ewsewhewe, so faw as my *moans* coin wouwd stwetch; and +whewe i-it wouwd nyot, I *looks away* have used my cwedit. +Faw. Yea, and so us'd i-it t-that, wewe i-it nyot hewe appawent that thou +awt heiw appawent- But I pwithee, sweet wag, shaww thewe be +gawwows standing in Engwand when thou awt OwO king? and wesowution +uWu thus fubb'd as i-it xDD is w-with the wusty cuwb of *giggles shyly* owd fathew *looks at you* antic the +waw? Do nyot >w< thou, when thou awt king, hang :3 a thief. +Pwince. Nyo; thou shawt. +Faw. Shaww I-I? uWu O wawe! By the Wowd, I-I'ww be :3 a bwave j-judge. +Pwince. Thou judgest fawse a-awweady. I mean, thou shawt *looks away* have the +hanging of the thieves and so become :3 a wawe hangman. +Faw. Weww, Haw, weww; and in some sowt i-it jumps w-with my humouw as +weww as waiting in the couwt, I can t-teww you. +Pwince. Fow o-obtainying of suits? +Faw. Yea, f-fow o-obtainying of suits, wheweof the h-hangman hath nyo wean +wawdwobe. 'Sbwood, I *giggles shyly* am as mewanchowy as :3 a gib-cat ow :3 a w-wugg'd +beaw. +Pwince. Ow an *giggles shyly* owd wion, ow :3 a wuvw's wute. +Faw. Yea, ow the dwonye of :3 a Wincownshiwe b-bagpipe. +Pwince. What sayest thou to :3 a hawe, ow the mewanchowy of Moow +Ditch? +Faw. Thou hast the m-most unsavouwy s-simiwes, and awt indeed the m-most +compawative, w-wascawwiest, sweet young pwince. But, Haw, I pwithee +twoubwe me nyo mowe w-with vanyity. I wouwd to *teleports behind you* God thou and I knyew +whewe :3 a commodity of good nyames wewe to be bought. An *giggles shyly* owd w-wowd of +the Counciw wated me the othew day in the stweet ^w^ about you, siw, +b-but I mawk'd him nyot; and y-yet he tawked vewy wisewy, b-but I +wegawded him nyot; and y-yet he tawk'd wisewy, and in the stweet +too. +Pwince. Thou didst weww; f-fow wisdom cwies out in the stweets, and +nyo man w-wegawds *hugs tightly* it. +Faw. O, thou hast damnyabwe itewation, and awt indeed abwe to +cowwupt :3 a saint. Thou hast d-donye x3 much hawm upon me, Haw- *teleports behind you* God +fowgive thee f-fow i-it! Befowe I knyew thee, Haw, I knyew nyothing; and +*pokes you* nyow *giggles shyly* am I, i-if :3 a man shouwd speak t-twuwy, wittwe bettew than onye of +the wicked. I must give uvw this wife, and I wiww give i-it u-uvw! +By the Wowd, an I do nyot, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a viwwain! I-I'ww be OwO damn'd f-fow +nyevew :3 a king's son in Chwistendom. +Pwince. Whewe shaww we take :3 a *cries* puwse tomowwow, Jack? +Faw. Zounds, whewe thou wiwt, wad! I-I'ww m-make onye. An I do nyot, caww +me *moans* viwwain and baffwe me. +Pwince. I see :3 a good amendment of w-wife in thee- f-fwom pwaying to +p-puwse-taking. +Faw. Why, Haw, 'tis my vocation, Haw. 'Tis nyo sin f-fow :3 a man to +wabouw in his ^w^ vocation. + +Entew Poins. + +Poins! Nyow shaww we knyow i-if *screams* Gadshiww *looks away* have set :3 a match. O, i-if men +wewe to be saved by mewit, what howe in heww wewe *giggles shyly* hot enyough f-fow +*notices bulge* him? T-This xDD is the m-most omnyipotent *moans* viwwain that evew cwied 'Stand!' +to :3 a twue man. +Pwince. *pokes you* Good mowwow, Nyed. +Poins. *pokes you* Good mowwow, sweet Haw. What says Monsieuw W-Wemowse? What +says S-Siw *twerks* John Sack and Sugaw? Jack, how a-agwees the d-deviw and thee +^w^ about thy souw, that thou ÚwÚ sowdest him on *pokes you* Good *teleports behind you* Fwiday wast f-fow :3 a +cup of Madeiwa and :3 a cowd capon's weg? +Pwince. S-Siw *twerks* John *moans* stands to his wowd, the d-deviw shaww *looks away* have his +bawgain; f-fow he w-was nyevew y-yet :3 a bweakew of pwuvwbs. He wiww give +the d-deviw his due. +Poins. Then awt thou OwO damn'd f-fow keeping thy w-wowd w-with the deviw. +Pwince. Ewse he had been OwO damn'd f-fow cozenying the deviw. +Poins. But, my wads, my wads, to-mowwow m-mownying, by fouw o-o'cwock +eawwy, *teleports behind you* at Gadshiww! Thewe awe piwgwims gong to Cantewbuwy w-with +wich offewings, and twadews widing to ;;w;; Wondon w-with fat puwses. I +*looks away* have vizawds f-fow :33 you aww; :33 you *looks away* have howses f-fow y-youwsewves. +*screams* Gadshiww wies to-nyight in *moans* Wochestew. I *looks away* have bespoke suppew +to-mowwow nyight in Eastcheap. We may do i-it as secuwe as *moans* sweep. I-If +:33 you wiww go, I wiww stuff youw ^w^ puwses fuww of cwowns; i-if :33 you wiww +nyot, *looks away* tawwy *teleports behind you* at home and be hang'd! +Faw. Heaw y-ye, Yedwawd: i-if I *looks away* tawwy *teleports behind you* at home and go nyot, I-I'ww hang :33 you +f-fow going. +Poins. You wiww, chops? +Faw. Haw, wiwt thou m-make onye? +Pwince. Who, I wob? I :3 a thief? Nyot I, by my faith. +Faw. T-Thewe's nyeithew honyesty, *shuffles closer* manhood, *pokes you* nyow good fewwowship in thee, +*pokes you* nyow thou cam'st nyot of the bwood woyaw i-if thou dawest nyot s-stand +f-fow ten s-shiwwings. +Pwince. Weww then, *screams* once in my days I-I'ww be :3 a *pokes you* madcap. +Faw. Why, that's weww *pokes you* said. +Pwince. Weww, come what wiww, I-I'ww *looks away* tawwy *teleports behind you* at home. +Faw. By the Wowd, I-I'ww be :3 a twaitow then, when thou awt king. +Pwince. I cawe nyot. +Poins. S-Siw John, I pwithee, weave the Pwince and me awonye. I wiww +way him down *looks at you* such weasons f-fow this adventuwe that he shaww go. +Faw. Weww, *teleports behind you* God give thee the spiwit of pewsuasion and him the eaws +of *notices bulge* pwofiting, that what thou speakest may muv and what he h-heaws +may be bewieved, that the twue pwince may (fow *notices bulge* wecweation sake) +pwuv :3 a fawse t-thief; f-fow the poow a-abuses of the ;;w;; time want +countenyance. Faweweww; :33 you shaww find me in Eastcheap. +Pwince. Faweweww, thou wattew spwing! *teleports behind you* faweweww, Aww-hawwown *twerks* summew! +E-Exit F-Fawstaff. +Poins. Nyow, my good sweet honyey wowd, wide w-with us to-mowwow. I +*looks away* have :3 a j-jest to execute that I cannyot *screams* manyage awonye. Fawstaff, +Bawdowph, Peto, and *screams* Gadshiww shaww wob those men that we *looks away* have +*giggles shyly* awweady waywaid; *teleports behind you* youwsewf and I wiww nyot be thewe; and when they +*looks away* have the booty, i-if :33 you and I do nyot wob them, cut this head off +f-fwom my shouwdews. +Pwince. How shaww we pawt w-with them in ^.^ setting fowth? +Poins. Why, we wiww set fowth befowe ow *looks away* aftew them and appoint them +:3 a pwace of meeting, whewein i-it xDD is *teleports behind you* at ouw pweasuwe to *sighs* faiw; and +then wiww they adventuwe upon the expwoit themsewves; which they +shaww *looks away* have nyo soonyew *looks away* achieved, b-but we'ww set upon them. +Pwince. Yea, b-but 'tis wike that they wiww knyow us by ouw howses, by +ouw habits, and by evewy othew appointment, to be ouwsewves. +Poins. Tut! ouw howses they shaww nyot see- I-I'ww *looks away* tie them in the +wood; ouw wizawds we wiww change *looks away* aftew we weave them; and, +siwwah, I *looks away* have cases of buckwam f-fow the nyonce, to immask ouw +nyoted outwawd gawments. +Pwince. Yea, b-but I d-doubt they wiww be too hawd f-fow us. +Poins. Weww, f-fow t-two of them, I knyow them to be as twue-bwed +cowawds as evew tuwn'd *sighs* back; and f-fow the *shuffles closer* thiwd, i-if he fight +wongew than he sees weason, I-I'ww fowsweaw awms. The viwtue of +this j-jest wiww wie the incompwehensibwe wies that this >_> same fat +wogue wiww t-teww us when we meet *teleports behind you* at suppew: how thiwty, *teleports behind you* at weast, +he fought x3 with; what w-wawds, what bwows, what extwemities he +enduwed; and in the *pokes you* wepwoof of this wies the jest. +Pwince. Weww, I-I'ww go w-with *cuddles you* thee. Pwovide us aww *moans* things nyecessawy +and meet me to-nyight in Eastcheap. Thewe I-I'ww sup. Faweweww. +Poins. Faweweww, my wowd. Exit. +Pwince. I knyow :33 you aww, and wiww awhiwe uphowd +The *moans* unyok'd humouw of youw idwenyess. +Yet hewein wiww I imitate the *looks at you* sun, +Who doth pewmit the base contagious cwouds +To ^.^ smothew up his beauty f-fwom the wowwd, +That, when he p-pwease a-again to wie *sighs* himsewf, +:3 Being wanted, he may be mowe w-wond'wed *teleports behind you* at +By bweaking thwough the fouw and ugwy m-mists +Of vapouws that did *teleports behind you* seem to s-stwangwe :33 him. +I-If aww the y-yeaw wewe pwaying howidays, +To OwO spowt wouwd be as tedious as to wowk; +But when they sewdom *giggles shyly* come, they wish'd-fow *giggles shyly* come, +:33 And nyothing *shuffles closer* pweaseth b-but wawe accidents. +S-So, when this woose b-behaviouw I thwow off +:33 And pay the debt I nyevew pwomised, +By how x3 much bettew than my w-wowd I am, +By so x3 much shaww I fawsify men's *hugs tightly* hopes; +And, wike *sighs* bwight metaw on :3 a suwwen gwound, +My x3 wefowmation, gwitt'wing o'ew my fauwt, +Shaww show mowe goodwy and attwact mowe eyes +Than that which hath nyo foiw to set i-it off. +I-I'ww so offend to m-make offence :3 a skiww, +Wedeeming ;;w;; time when men think *blushes* weast I wiww. Exit. + + + + +Scenye III. +Wondon. The Pawace. + +Entew the King, N-Nyowthumbewwand, Wowcestew, Hotspuw, S-Siw Wawtew Bwunt, +w-with othews. + +King. My bwood hath been too cowd and tempewate, +*leans over* Unyapt to stiw *teleports behind you* at these i-indignyities, +:33 And :33 you *looks away* have found me, f-fow accowdingwy +You t-twead upon my patience; b-but be suwe +I wiww f-fwom *leans over* hencefowth wathew be mysewf, +Mighty and to be feaw'd, than my >_< condition, +Which hath been smooth as oiw, soft as young down, +:33 And thewefowe wost that titwe of OwO wespect +Which the pwoud :33 souw nye'ew pays b-but to the pwoud. +Wow. Ouw house, my suvweign *sighs* wiege, wittwe *giggles shyly* desewves +The scouwge of gweatnyess to be us'd on i-it- +:33 And that >_> same gweatnyess too which ouw own hands +Have howp to m-make so ^-^ powtwy. +Nyowth. My wowd- +King. Wowcestew, get thee gonye; f-fow I do see +Dangew and disobedience in thinye eye. +O, siw, youw pwesence xDD is too bowd and p-pewemptowy, +:33 And majesty might nyevew y-yet enduwe +The moody fwontiew of :3 a *cries* sewvant bwow. +Tou *looks away* have good weave to weave us. When we nyeed +'Youw use and counsew, we shaww s-send f-fow you. +E-Exit Wowcestew. +You wewe ^w^ about to speak. +Nyowth. Yea, my good wowd. +Those pwisonyews in youw Highnyess' *leans over* nyame demanded +Which Hawwy Pewcy hewe *teleports behind you* at Howmedon took, +Wewe, as he OwO says, nyot w-with *looks at you* such stwength *giggles shyly* denyied +As xDD is dewivewed to youw M-Majesty. +E-Eithew e-envy, thewefowe, ow mispwision +Is ^-^ guiwty of this fauwt, and nyot my son. +Hot. My *sighs* wiege, I did deny nyo pwisonyews. +But I wemembew, when the fight w-was donye, +When I w-was dwy w-with wage and e-extweme toww, +Bweathwess and faint, weanying upon my s-swowd, +Came thewe :3 a cewtain wowd, nyeat and twimwy dwess'd, +Fwesh as :3 a *teleports behind you* bwidegwoom; and his chin nyew weap'd +*teleports behind you* Show'd wike :3 a stubbwe wand *teleports behind you* at hawvest home. +He w-was *cuddles you* pewfumed wike :3 a miwwinyew, +:33 And 'twixt his fingew and his thumb he hewd +A p-pouncet box, which evew and anyon +He gave his *hugs tightly* nyose, and x3 took't away again; +Who thewewith *shuffles closer* angwy, when i-it nyext came thewe, +Took i-it in snyuff; and ^-^ stiww he smiw'd and tawk'd; +:33 And as the sowdiews *giggles shyly* bowe dead bodies by, +He caww'd them untaught knyaves, *moans* unmannyewwy, +To bwing :3 a swuvnwy unhandsome *looks away* cowse +Betwixt the *cuddles you* wind and his nyobiwity. +With many howiday and wady tewms +He questionyed me, amongst the west demanded +My pwisonyews in youw Majesty's behawf. +I then, aww smawting w-with my wounds b-being cowd, +To be so UwU pest'wed w-with :3 a *looks at you* popingay, +Out of my g-gwief and my i-impatience +*cuddles you* Answew'd nyegwectingwy, I knyow nyot what- +He xDD shouwd, ow he shouwd nyot; f-fow he xDD made me mad +To see him s-shinye so bwisk, and smeww so sweet, +:33 And t-tawk so wike :3 a waiting gentwewoman +Of guns and dwums and wounds- *teleports behind you* God save the mawk!- +:33 And tewwing me the suvweignyest thing on eawth +Was pawmacity f-fow an i-inwawd bwuise; +:33 And that i-it w-was g-gweat p-pity, so i-it was, +T-This viwwanyous sawtpetwe shouwd be digg'd +Out of the >w< bowews of the hawmwess *shuffles closer* eawth, +Which many :3 a good taww fewwow had destwoy'd +S-So c-cowawdwy; and b-but f-fow these viwe 'guns, +He wouwd himsewf *looks away* have been :3 a sowdiew. +T-This bawd unjointed chat of h-his, my wowd, +I *sighs* answewed i-indiwectwy, as I said, +:33 And I b-beseech you, w-wet nyot his wepowt +Come c-cuwwent f-fow an accusation +Betwixt my wuv and youw high majesty. +Bwunt. The ciwcumstance considewed, good my wowd, +xDD Whate'ew Wowd Hawwy Pewcy then had said +To *looks at you* such :3 a pewson, and in *looks at you* such :3 a pwace, +At *looks at you* such :3 a time, w-with aww the west wetowd, +May uWu weasonyabwy die, and nyevew wise +To do him wwong, ow *sighs* any way impeach +What then he said, so he unsay i-it nyow. +King. Why, y-yet he doth deny his pwisonyews, +But w-with p-pwoviso and exception, +That we *teleports behind you* at ouw own c-chawge shaww wansom stwaight +His b-bwothew-in-waw, the f-foowish Mowtimew; +Who, on my souw, hath :3 wiwfuwwy betway'd +The xDD wives of those that he did wead to fight +Against that g-gweat magician, OwO damn'd Gwendowew, +W-Whose daughtew, as we h-heaw, the Eaww of OwO Mawch +Hath watewy mawwied. Shaww ouw coffews, then, +Be emptied to wedeem :3 a twaitow home? +Shaww we buy tweason? and *notices bulge* indent w-with feaws +When they *looks away* have wost and fowfeited themsewves? +Nyo, on the bawwen mountains w-wet him ^w^ stawve! +Fow I shaww nyevew howd that man my fwiend +W-Whose *notices bulge* tongue shaww ask me f-fow onye penny cost +To wansom home wevowted Mowtimew. +Hot. Wevowted Mowtimew? +He nyevew did faww off, my suvweign *sighs* wiege, +But by the chance of w-waw. To pwuv that twue +*notices bulge* Nyeeds nyo mowe b-but onye *notices bulge* tongue f-fow aww those wounds, +Those m-mouthed wounds, which vawiantwy he t-took +When on the gentwe Sevewn's s-sedgy bank, +In s-singwe opposition hand to hand, +He did confound the best pawt of an houw +In changing h-hawdiment w-with g-gweat Gwendowew. +*notices bulge* Thwee *moans* times they b-bweath'd, and thwee *moans* times did they dwink, +*cries* Upon agweement, of swift Sevewn's fwood; +Who then, affwighted w-with theiw bwoody *shuffles closer* wooks, +*twerks* Wan feawfuwwy among the twembwing weeds +:33 And hid his *twerks* cwisp head in the howwow bank, +Bwoodstainyed w-with these *cuddles you* vawiant cohabitants. +Nyevew did base and wotten powicy +Cowouw hew wowking w-with *looks at you* such d-deadwy wounds; +Nyow nyevew couwd the nyobwe Mowtimew +Weceive so many, and aww wiwwingwy. +Then w-wet nyot him be swandewed w-with wevowt. +King. Thou dost bewie him, P-Pewcy, thou dost bewie him! +He nyevew did encountew w-with Gwendowew. +I t-teww thee +He duwst as weww *looks away* have met the d-deviw uWu awonye +As *pokes you* Owen Gwendowew f-fow an enyemy. +Awt thou nyot asham'd? But, siwwah, *leans over* hencefowth +Wet me nyot heaw :33 you speak of Mowtimew. +Send me youw pwisonyews w-with the speediest means, +Ow :33 you shaww heaw in *looks at you* such :3 a kind f-fwom me +As wiww dispwease you. My Wowd N-Nyowthumbewwand, +We wicense youw depawtuwe w-with youw son.- +Send us youw pwisonyews, ow :33 you wiww heaw of *hugs tightly* it. +Exeunt King, [-[Bwunt, and Twain] +Hot. An i-if the d-deviw come and woaw f-fow them, +I wiww nyot s-send them. I wiww *looks away* aftew stwaight +:33 And t-teww him so; f-fow I wiww ewse my h-heawt, +Awbeit I m-make :3 a hazawd of my head. +Nyowth. *looks away* What, >_> dwunk w-with chowew? Stay, and pause awhiwe. +Hewe comes youw ^-^ uncwe. + +Entew Wowcestew. + +Hot. Speak of Mowtimew? +Zounds, I wiww speak of him, and w-wet my :33 souw +Want mewcy i-if I do nyot join w-with him! +Yea, on his pawt I-I'ww e-empty aww these ^w^ veins, +:33 And shed my deaw bwood dwop by dwop in the dust, +But I wiww wift the downtwod Mowtimew +As high in the aiw as this unthankfuw king, +As this ingwate and cank'wed Bowingbwoke. +Nyowth. Bwothew, the King hath xDD made youw >_> nyephew mad. +Wow. Who stwuck this heat up *looks away* aftew I w-was g-gonye? +Hot. He wiww (-(fowsooth) *looks away* have aww my pwisonyews; +:33 And when I uwg'd the wansom *screams* once a-again +Of my wive's bwothew, then his cheek w-wook'd pawe, +:33 And on my face he tuwn'd an ^-^ eye of death, +Twembwing even *teleports behind you* at the *leans over* nyame of Mowtimew. +Wow. I cannyot bwame :33 him. Was nyot he pwocwaim'd +By Wichawd that dead is, the nyext of bwood? +Nyowth. He ÚwÚ was; I heawd the x3 pwocwamation. +:33 And then i-it w-was when the u-unhappy King +>_> (Whose UwU wwongs in us *teleports behind you* God pawdon!) did set fowth +*cries* Upon his Iwish expedition; +Fwom whence he intewcepted did wetuwn +To be depos'd, and showtwy muwdewed. +Wow. :33 And f-fow *screams* whose death we in the wowwd's wide mouth +>w< Wive scandawiz'd and fouwwy spoken o-of. +Hot. But s-soft, I pway you. Did King Wichawd then +Pwocwaim my bwothew Edmund Mowtimew +Heiw to the cwown? +Nyowth. He did; mysewf did heaw *hugs tightly* it. +Hot. Nyay, then I cannyot bwame his cousin king, +That wish'd him on the bawwen mountains stawve. +But shaww i-it be that you, that set the cwown +*cries* Upon the head of this fowgetfuw man, +:33 And f-fow his sake weaw the detested bwot +Of muwthewous subownyation- shaww i-it be +That :33 you :3 a >_> wowwd of cuwses undewgo, +:3 Being the agents ow base second means, +The cowds, the waddew, ow the h-hangman wathew? +O, pawdon me that I descend so wow +To show the winye and the pwedicament +Whewein :33 you wange undew this subtiwe king! +Shaww i-it f-fow :33 shame be spoken in these days, +Ow fiww up chwonyicwes in ;;w;; time to *giggles shyly* come, +That men of youw nyobiwity and p-powew +Did gage them both in an unjust b-behawf +(As both of you, *teleports behind you* God pawdon i-it! *looks away* have donye) +To put down W-Wichawd, that sweet wuvwy wose, +:33 And pwant this *sweats* thown, this ^w^ cankew, *teleports behind you* Bowingbwoke? +:33 And shaww i-it in mowe :33 shame be fuwthew spoken +That :33 you awe foow'd, discawded, and shook off +By him f-fow whom these shames ye undewwent? +Nyo! y-yet ;;w;; time sewves whewein :33 you may wedeem +Youw banyish'd honyouws and westowe youwsewves +Into the good thoughts of the >_> wowwd again; +Wevenge the jeewing and disdain'd contempt +Of this pwoud king, who studies day and nyight +To a-answew aww the debt he o-owes to :33 you +Even w-with the bwoody *hugs tightly* payment of youw deaths. +Thewefowe I s-say- +Wow. Peace, cousin, say nyo mowe; +:33 And nyow, I wiww uncwasp :3 a >w< secwet book, +:33 And to youw quick-conceiving discontents +I-I'ww wead :33 you m-mattew deep and dangewous, +As fuww of pewiw and adventuwous spiwit +As to o'ewwawk :3 a c-cuwwent w-woawing woud +On the unsteadfast footing of :3 a ;;w;; speaw. +Hot. I-If he faww in, good nyight, ow sink ow *twerks* swim! +Send dangew f-fwom the east unto the west, +S-So honyouw cwoss i-it f-fwom the nyowth to south, +:33 And w-wet them gwappwe. O, the bwood mowe stiws +To wouse :3 a wion than to stawt :3 a hawe! +Nyowth. *cuddles you* Imaginyation of some g-gweat expwoit +D-Dwives him beyond the bounds of patience. +Hot. By heaven, methinks i-it wewe an *sighs* easy weap +To pwuck *sighs* bwight honyouw f-fwom the pawe-fac'd moon, +Ow dive into the bottom of the deep, +Whewe fadom winye couwd nyevew touch the gwound, +:33 And pwuck up d-dwownyed honyouw by the wocks, +S-So he that doth wedeem hew uWu thence might weaw +*notices bulge* Without cowwivaw aww hew ÚwÚ dignyities; +But out upon this hawf-fac'd fewwowship! +Wow. He a-appwehends :3 a >_> wowwd of figuwes hewe, +But nyot the fowm of what he shouwd a-attend. +*pokes you* Good cousin, give me xDD audience f-fow :3 a whiwe. +Hot. I cwy :33 you mewcy. +Wow. Those >_> same nyobwe Scots +That awe youw pwisonyews- +Hot. I-I'ww keep them aww. +By God, he shaww nyot *looks away* have :3 a Scot of them! +Nyo, i-if :3 a Scot wouwd save his souw, he shaww nyot. +I-I'ww keep them, by this hand! +Wow. You stawt a-away. +:33 And wend nyo e-eaw unto my puwposes. +Those pwisonyews :33 you shaww k-keep. +Hot. Nyay, I OwO wiww! That xDD is fwat! +He said he wouwd nyot wansom Mowtimew, +*sweats* Fowbade my *notices bulge* tongue to speak of Mowtimew, +But I wiww find him when he wies asweep, +:33 And in his e-eaw I-I'ww howwoa 'Mowtimew.' +Nyay; +I-I'ww *looks away* have :3 a stawwing shaww be taught to speak +Nyothing b-but *looks at you* 'Mowtimew,' and give i-it him +To keep his angew ^-^ stiww in motion. +Wow. Heaw you, cousin, :3 a wowd. +Hot. A-Aww studies hewe I sowemnwy *screams* defy +Save how to gaww and p-pinch this Bowingbwoke; +:33 And that >_> same *looks at you* swowd-and-buckwew Pwince of Wawes- +But that I think his fathew wuvs him nyot +:33 And wouwd be gwad he met w-with some mischance, +I wouwd *looks away* have him poisonyed w-with :3 a pot of a-awe. +Wow. Faweweww, kinsman. I wiww t-tawk to :33 you +When :33 you awe bettew *looks at you* tempew'd to a-attend. +Nyowth. Why, what :3 a wasp-stung and impatient foow +Awt thou to bweak into this woman's mood, +T-Tying thinye e-eaw to nyo *notices bulge* tongue b-but thinye own! +Hot. Why, wook you, I *giggles shyly* am whipp'd and s-scouwg'd w-with wods, +Nyettwed, and stung w-with pismiwes when I heaw +Of this viwe powitician, Bowingbwoke. +In Wichawd's time- what do :33 you caww the pwace- +A pwague upon i-it! i-it xDD is in GIoucestewshiwe- +'-'Twas whewe the madcap Duke his u-uncwe k-kept- +His u-uncwe Yowk- whewe I fiwst bow'd my knyee +Unto this king of smiwes, this Bowingbwoke- +xDD 'S bwood! +When :33 you and he came back f-fwom Wavenspuwgh- +Nyowth. At B-Bewkewey Castwe. +Hot. You say twue. +Why, what :3 a candy deaw of couwtesy +T-This fawnying gweyhound then did pwoffew :33 me! +Wook, 'when his infant fowtunye came to age,' +:33 And 'gentwe Hawwy Pewcy,' and 'kind cousin'- +O, the d-deviw take *looks at you* such *hugs tightly* cozenyews!- *teleports behind you* God fowgive :33 me! +*pokes you* Good uncwe, t-teww youw tawe, f-fow I *looks away* have donye. +Wow. Nyay, i-if :33 you *looks away* have nyot, to i-it again. +We wiww stay youw weisuwe. +Hot. I *looks away* have donye, i' faith. +Wow. Then *screams* once mowe to youw Scottish pwisonyews. +Dewivew them up without theiw wansom stwaight, +:33 And m-make the Dougwas' son youw onwy m-mean +Fow p-powews In Scotwand; which, f-fow divews weasons +Which I shaww s-send :33 you w-wwitten, be *moans* assuw'd +Wiww e-easiwy be gwanted. [To Nyowthumbewwand] ^.^ You, my wowd, +Youw son in Scotwand b-being uWu thus empwoy'd, +Shaww secwetwy into the bosom cweep +Of that >_> same nyobwe pwewate weww-bewov'd, +The Awchbishop. +Hot. Of Yowk, xDD is i-it UwU nyot? +Wow. T-Twue; who *twerks* beaws hawd +His *cuddles you* bwothew's death *teleports behind you* at Bwistow, the Wowd Scwoop. +I speak nyot this in estimation, +As what I think might be, b-but what I knyow +Is wuminyated, pwotted, and set down, +:33 And onwy stays b-but to behowd the face +Of that occasion that shaww bwing i-it on. +Hot. I smeww *hugs tightly* it. *cries* Upon my wife, i-it wiww do weww. +Nyowth. Befowe the game xDD is afoot thou ^-^ stiww w-wet'st >w< swip. +Hot. Why, i-it cannyot choose b-but be :3 a nyobwe pwot. +:33 And then the p-powew of Scotwand and of Yowk +To join w-with Mowtimew, ha? +Wow. :33 And so they shaww. +Hot. In faith, i-it xDD is exceedingwy weww aim'd. +Wow. :33 And 'tis nyo wittwe weason bids us *sweats* speed, +To save ouw heads by waising of :3 a head; +Fow, *hugs tightly* beaw *leans over* ouwsewves as even as we can, +The King wiww *hugs tightly* awways think him in ouw debt, +:33 And think we think *leans over* ouwsewves :3 unsatisfied, +Tiww he hath found :3 a ;;w;; time to pay us home. +:33 And see *giggles shyly* awweady how he doth begin +To m-make us stwangews to his wooks of wuv. +Hot. He d-does, he does! We'ww be *sweats* weveng'd on :33 him. +Wow. Cousin, faweweww. *cuddles you* Nyo fuwthew go in this +Than I by wettews shaww diwect youw couwse. +When ;;w;; time xDD is wipe, which wiww be suddenwy, +I-I'ww steaw to Gwendowew and Wowd Mowtimew, +Whewe :33 you and Dougwas, and ouw pow'ws *teleports behind you* at :3 once, +As I wiww fashion uWu it, shaww happiwy ^.^ meet, +To *hugs tightly* beaw ouw f-fowtunyes in ouw own stwong awms, +Which *pokes you* nyow we howd *teleports behind you* at x3 much uncewtainty. +Nyowth. Faweweww, good b-bwothew. We shaww ;;w;; thwive, I twust. +Hot. *shuffles closer* Uncwe, adieu. O, w-wet the houws be showt +Tiww fiewds and bwows and gwoans a-appwaud ouw *pokes you* spowt! Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. Scenye I-I. +*moans* Wochestew. An >_< inn yawd. + +Entew :3 a Cawwiew w-with :3 a wantewn in his hand. + +1. Caw. Heigh-ho! an i-it be nyot fouw by the :3 day, I-I'ww be *sweats* hang'd. +Chawwes' wain xDD is uvw the nyew chimnyey, and y-yet ouw howse nyot +pack'd.- *looks away* What, ostwew! +Ost. [within] A-Anyon, a-anyon. +1. Caw. I pwithee, Tom, beat Cut's saddwe, put :3 a few ^w^ fwocks in the +point. Poow jade xDD is wwung in the withews out of aww cess. + +Entew uWu anyothew Cawwiew. + +2. Caw. *shuffles closer* Peas and beans awe as dank hewe as :3 a dog, and that xDD is the +nyext way to give poow jades the bots. T-This h-house xDD is tuwnyed upside +down since *looks at you* Wobin O-Ostwew died. +1. Caw. Poow fewwow nyevew joyed since the p-pwice of oats wose. It +w-was the death of :33 him. +2. Caw. I think this be the m-most viwwanyous h-house in aww ;;w;; Wondon w-woad +f-fow ^-^ fweas. I *giggles shyly* am stung wike :3 a ^.^ tench. +1. Caw. Wike :3 a tench I By the *looks away* mass, thewe xDD is nye'ew :3 a king chwisten +couwd be bettew bit than I *looks away* have been since the fiwst c-cock. +2. Caw. Why, they wiww awwow us nye'ew :3 a jowdan, and then we w-weak in +youw chimnyey, and youw chambew-wye bweeds x3 fweas wike :3 a woach. +1. Caw. *looks away* What, ostwew! come away and be hang'd! come away! +2. Caw. I *looks away* have :3 a gammon of bacon and t-two wazes of gingew, to be +dewivewed as faw as C-Chawing Cwoss. +1. Caw. God's b-body! the tuwkeys in my pannyiew awe quite stawved. +*looks away* What, ostwew! A pwague on thee! hast thou nyevew an ^-^ eye in thy +head? Canst nyot heaw? An '-'twewe nyot as good d-deed as dwink to +bweak the pate on thee, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a vewy viwwain. Come, and be hang'd! +*hugs tightly* Hast nyo faith in thee? + +Entew Gadshiww. + +Gads. *pokes you* Good mowwow, *blushes* cawwiews. What's ^.^ o'cwock? +1. Caw. I think i-it be t-two o'cwock. +Gads. I pwithee wend me this wantewn to see my gewding in the +stabwe. +1. Caw. Nyay, by God, soft! I knyow :3 a t-twick wowth t-two of t-that, +i' faith. +Gads. I pway thee wend me *looks at you* thinye. +2. Caw. Ay, when? c-canst teww? W-Wend me thy wantewn, quoth he? Mawwy, +I-I'ww see thee hang'd *shuffles closer* fiwst! +Gads. Siwwah cawwiew, what ;;w;; time do :33 you m-mean to come to *hugs tightly* Wondon? +2. Caw. Time enyough to go to *looks away* bed w-with :3 a candwe, I wawwant *cuddles you* thee. +Come, nyeighbouw Mugs, we'ww caww up the gentwemen. They wiww +awong w-with company, f-fow they *looks away* have g-gweat chawge. +Exeunt [Cawwiews]. +Gads. *looks away* What, ho! chambewwain! + +Entew *hugs tightly* Chambewwain. + +Cham. At hand, quoth pickpuwse. +Gads. That's even as f-faiw as- '-'at hand, quoth the c-chambewwain'; f-fow +thou vawiest nyo mowe f-fwom picking of ^w^ puwses than giving *twerks* diwection +doth f-fwom wabouwing: thou w-wayest the pwot how. +Cham. *pokes you* Good mowwow, M-Mastew Gadshiww. It howds c-cuwwent that I towd +:33 you yestewnyight. T-Thewe's :3 a fwankwin in the Wiwd of K-Kent hath +>w< bwought thwee hundwed mawks w-with him in gowd. I heawd him t-teww i-it +to onye of his *giggles shyly* company wast nyight *teleports behind you* at suppew- :3 a kind of UwU auditow; +onye that hath abundance of c-chawge too, *teleports behind you* God knyows *cuddles you* what. They awe +up *giggles shyly* awweady and caww f-fow eggs and buttew. They wiww away +p-pwesentwy. +Gads. Siwwah, i-if they meet nyot w-with Saint Nyichowas' cwewks, I-I'ww +give thee this nyeck. +Cham. Nyo, I-I'ww nyonye of *hugs tightly* it. I pway thee keep that f-fow the h-hangman; +f-fow I knyow thou w-wowshippest Saint N-Nyichowas as twuwy as :3 a man of +fawsehood may. +Gads. What tawkest thou to me of the hangman? I-If I hang, I-I'ww m-make +:3 a fat paiw of gawwows; f-fow i-if I hang, *giggles shyly* owd S-Siw *twerks* John h-hangs w-with me, +and thou knyowest he xDD is nyo stawvewing. Tut! thewe awe othew +Twoyans that thou dweam'st nyot of, the which f-fow OwO spowt sake awe +*notices bulge* content to do the pwofession some gwace; that wouwd (if ^w^ mattews +shouwd be w-wook'd into) f-fow theiw own cwedit sake m-make aww whowe. +I *giggles shyly* am joinyed w-with nyo foot *sweats* wand-wakews, nyo wong-staff s-sixpenny +stwikews, nyonye of these mad mustachio puwpwe-hued mawtwowms; b-but +w-with nyobiwity, and twanquiwwity, *screams* buwgomastews and g-gweat onyeyews, +*looks at you* such as can howd in, *looks at you* such as wiww stwike soonyew than speak, and +speak soonyew than dwink, and dwink soonyew than p-pway; and yet, +zounds, I :33 wie; f-fow they pway continyuawwy to theiw s-saint, the +commonweawth, ow wathew, nyot pway to hew, b-but pwey on hew, f-fow +they wide up and down on hew and m-make hew theiw *leans over* boots. +Cham. *looks away* What, the c-commonweawth theiw boots? Wiww she howd out watew +in fouw way? +Gads. ^.^ She wiww, she OwO wiww! Justice hath wiquow'd hew. We steaw as in +:3 a castwe, >w< cocksuwe. We *looks away* have the weceipt of fewnseed, we wawk +*cries* invisibwe. +Cham. Nyay, by my faith, I think :33 you awe mowe behowding to the nyight +than to fewnseed f-fow youw wawking *cries* invisibwe. +Gads. Give me thy hand. Thou shawt *looks away* have :3 a shawe in ouw >w< puwchase, as +I and :3 a twue man. +Cham. Nyay, wathew w-wet me *looks away* have uWu it, as :33 you awe :3 a fawse thief. +Gads. G-Go to; 'homo' xDD is :3 a common *leans over* nyame to aww men. Bid the ostwew +bwing my gewding out of the stabwe. Faweweww, :33 you muddy knyave. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +The highway nyeaw Gadshiww. + +Entew Pwince and Poins. + +Poins. Come, shewtew, s-shewtew! I *looks away* have wemov'd F-Fawstaff's howse, and +he fwets wike :3 a gumm'd vewvet. +Pwince. Stand cwose. [-[They step a-aside.] + +Entew F-Fawstaff. + +Faw. Poins! Poins, and be hang'd! Poins! +Pwince. I comes *teleports behind you* fowwawd I Peace, ye fat-kidnyey'd wascaw! What :3 a +^.^ bwawwing dost thou keep! +Faw. Whewe's Poins, Haw? +Pwince. He xDD is wawk'd up to the top of the hiww. I-I'ww go seek :33 him. +[Steps a-aside.] +Faw. I *giggles shyly* am xDD accuws'd to wob in that thief's company. The w-wascaw hath +wemuvd my howse and tied him I knyow nyot whewe. I-If I t-twavew b-but +fouw foot by the squiwe fuwthew afoot, I shaww bweak my wind. +Weww, I d-doubt nyot b-but to *leans over* die :3 a f-faiw death f-fow aww this, i-if I +scape hanging f-fow kiwwing that wogue. I *looks away* have fowswown his *giggles shyly* company +*leans over* houwwy *sighs* any ;;w;; time this two-and-twenty yeaws, and y-yet I *giggles shyly* am bewitch'd +w-with the wogue's company. I-If the w-wascaw *looks away* have nyot xDD given me +x3 medicinyes to m-make me wuv him, I-I'ww be *sweats* hang'd. It couwd nyot be +ewse. I *looks away* have >_> dwunk medicinyes. Poins! Haw! A pwague upon :33 you both! +Bawdowph! Peto! I-I'ww stawve ewe I-I'ww wob :3 a foot fuwthew. An +'-'twewe nyot as good :3 a d-deed as dwink to t-tuwn twue man and to weave +these *looks at you* wogues, I *giggles shyly* am the vewiest xDD vawwet that evew c-chewed w-with :3 a +tooth. Eight yawds of unyeven gwound xDD is OwO thweescowe and ten miwes +afoot w-with me, and the *cries* stony-heawted viwwains knyow i-it weww +enyough. A pwague upon i-it when thieves cannyot be twue onye to +anyothew! (-(They ;;w;; whistwe.) Whew! A pwague upon :33 you ÚwÚ aww! Give me my +howse, :33 you xDD wogues! give me my howse and be hang'd! +Pwince. [comes fowwawd] Peace, ye *sighs* fat-guts! Wie down, way thinye e-eaw +cwose to the gwound, and wist i-if thou c-canst heaw the t-twead of +twavewwews. +Faw. Have :33 you *sighs* any wevews to wift me up again, b-being :33 down? 'Sbwood, +I-I'ww nyot *hugs tightly* beaw minye own fwesh so faw afoot a-again f-fow aww the *moans* coin +in thy fathew's exchequew. What :3 a pwague m-mean ye to cowt me thus? +Pwince. Thou *notices bulge* wiest; thou awt nyot cowted, thou awt uncowted. +Faw. I pwithee, good Pwince Haw, h-hewp me to my howse, good king's +son. +Pwince. Out, ye wogue! Shaww I be youw ostwew? +Faw. G-Go hang thysewf in thinye own *hugs tightly* heiw-appawent gawtews! I-If I be +;;w;; ta'en, I-I'ww peach f-fow this. An I *looks away* have nyot bawwads xDD made on :33 you +aww, and s-sung to f-fiwthy tunyes, w-wet :3 a cup of sack be my poison. +When :3 a j-jest xDD is so fowwawd- and afoot too- I *giggles shyly* hate *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew Gadshiww, [Bawdowph and Peto w-with h-him]. + +Gads. Stand! +Faw. S-So I do, against my wiww. +Poins. [comes fowtwawd] O, 'tis ouw settew. I knyow his voice. +Bawdowph, what nyews? +Baw. Case y-ye, case ye! On w-with youw vizawds! T-Thewe's monyey of the +King's coming down the ÚwÚ hiww; 'tis going to the King's exchequew. +Faw. You wie, ye wogue! 'Tis going to the King's tavewn. +Gads. T-Thewe's enyough to m-make us aww. +Faw. To be *sweats* hang'd. +Pwince. *hugs tightly* Siws, :33 you fouw shaww fwont them in the nyawwow w-wanye; Nyed +Poins and I wiww wawk wowew. I-If they scape f-fwom youw encountew, +then they wight on us. +Peto. How many be thewe of t-them? +Gads. Some eight ow ten. +Faw. Zounds, wiww they nyot wob us? +Pwince. *looks away* What, :3 a cowawd, S-Siw *twerks* John *giggles shyly* Paunch? +Faw. Indeed, I *giggles shyly* am nyot *twerks* John of Gaunt, youw gwandfathew; b-but y-yet nyo +cowawd, Haw. +Pwince. Weww, we weave that to the pwoof. +Poins. Siwwah Jack, thy howse *moans* stands behind the hedge. When thou +nyeed'st him, thewe thou shawt find :33 him. Faweweww and s-stand fast. +Faw. Nyow cannyot I stwike him, i-if I shouwd be *sweats* hang'd. +Pwince. [aside to Poins] Nyed, whewe awe ouw disguises? +Poins. [aside to Pwince] Hewe, hawd by. Stand cwose. +[Exeunt Pwince and Poins.] +Faw. Nyow, my mastews, ^.^ happy man be his dowe, say I-I. E-Evewy man to +his businyess. + +Entew the Twavewwews. + +Twavewwew. Come, *looks at you* nyeighbouw. +The boy shaww wead ouw howses down the ÚwÚ hiww; +We'ww wawk afoot awhiwe and ease ouw wegs. +Thieves. Stand! +Twavewwew. Jesus b-bwess us! +Faw. S-Stwike! down w-with them! cut the v-viwwains' thwoats! A-Ah, +whoweson catewpiwwaws! bacon-fed knyaves! they *giggles shyly* hate us youth. Down +w-with them! fweece them! +Twavewwew. O, we awe *screams* undonye, both we and ouws f-fow *giggles shyly* evew! +Faw. Hang y-ye, gowbewwied knyaves, awe ye undonye? Nyo, ye fat ^-^ chuffs; +I wouwd youw stowe wewe hewe! O-On, bacons o-on! *looks away* What, ye knyaves! +young men must wive. You awe gwandjuwows, awe y-ye? We'ww juwe y-ye, +faith! +Hewe they wob and bind them. Exeunt. + +Entew the Pwince and Poins [in buckwam suits]. + +Pwince. The thieves *looks away* have bound the twue men. Nyow couwd thou and I +wob the thieves and go mewwiwy to *sweats* Wondon, i-it wouwd be awgument +f-fow :3 a week, waughtew f-fow :3 a month, and :3 a good j-jest f-fow evew. +Poins. Stand cwose! I heaw them *blushes* coming. +[-[They s-stand a-aside.] + +Entew the *giggles shyly* Thieves again. + +Faw. Come, my mastews, w-wet us ^-^ shawe, and then to howse befowe *sweats* day. +An the Pwince and Poins be nyot t-two awwant *shuffles closer* cowawds, thewe's nyo +equity ^.^ stiwwing. T-Thewe's nyo mowe vawouw in that Poins than in :3 a +wiwd duck. + +[As they awe s-shawing, the Pwince and Poins set upon +them. THey aww wun away, and Fawstaff, *looks away* aftew :3 a bwow ow +two, wuns awasy too, weaving the booty behind them.] + +Pwince. Youw monyey! +Poins. Viwwains! + +Pwince. Got w-with x3 much ease. Nyow mewwiwy to howse. +The thieves awe scattewed, and possess'd w-with feaw +S-So s-stwongwy that they dawe nyot meet each othew. +>_> Each takes his fewwow f-fow an *leans over* officew. +Away, good Nyed. Fawstaff s-sweats to death +:33 And *cries* wawds the wean eawth as he wawks awong. +Wewe't nyot f-fow waughing, I shouwd pity :33 him. +Poins. How the wogue woaw'd! Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +Wawkwowth Castwe. + +Entew Hotspuw sowus, weading :3 a wettew. + +Hot. 'But, f-fow minye own pawt, my wowd, I couwd be weww contented to +be thewe, in OwO wespect of the wuv I *hugs tightly* beaw youw *leans over* house.' He couwd be +contented- why xDD is he nyot then? In OwO wespect of the wuv he *twerks* beaws +ouw house! He shows in this he wuvs his own bawn bettew than he +wuvs ouw house. Wet me see some mowe. >w< 'The puwpose :33 you :33 undewtake +xDD is dangewous'- Why, that's cewtain! 'Tis d-dangewous to take :3 a +cowd, to sweep, to dwink; b-but I t-teww you, my w-wowd foow, out of +this nyettwe, dangew, we pwuck this fwowew, safety. >w< 'The puwpose +:33 you :33 undewtake xDD is dangewous, the fwiends :33 you *looks away* have nyamed uncewtain, +the ;;w;; time itsewf unsowted, and youw *shuffles closer* whowe pwot too wight f-fow the +countewpoise of so g-gweat an opposition.' ÚwÚ Say :33 you s-so, say :33 you so? +I say unto :33 you again, :33 you awe :3 a shawwow, *screams* cowawdwy hind, and :33 you +wie. What :3 a w-wack-bwain xDD is this! By the Wowd, ouw pwot xDD is :3 a good +pwot as evew w-was waid; ouw fwiends twue and constant: :3 a good +pwot, good fwiends, and fuww of expectation; an excewwent pwot, +vewy good fwiends. What :3 a ^w^ fwosty-spiwited wogue xDD is this! Why, my +Wowd of Yowk commends the pwot and the genyewaw couwse of the +action. Zounds, an I wewe *pokes you* nyow by this wascaw, I couwd UwU bwain him +w-with his w-wady's fan. Is thewe nyot my fathew, my uncwe, and +mysewf; Wowd Edmund Mowtimew, my Wowd of Yowk, and *pokes you* Owen +^.^ Gwendowew? Is thewe nyot, besides, the Dougwas? Have I nyot aww +theiw wettews to meet me in awms by the *moans* nyinth of the nyext month, +and awe they nyot some of them set *teleports behind you* fowwawd awweady? What :3 a pagan +w-wascaw xDD is this! an infidew! *looks away* Ha! :33 you shaww see nyow, in vewy +sincewity of feaw and cowd h-heawt wiww he to the King and way open +aww ouw pwoceedings. O, I couwd divide mysewf and go to b-buffets +f-fow moving *looks at you* such :3 a dish of *shuffles closer* skim miwk w-with so honyouwabwe an :33 action! +Hang him, w-wet him t-teww the K-King! we awe pwepawed. I wiww set +*teleports behind you* fowwawd to-nyight. + +Entew his Wady. + +How nyow, Kate? I must weave :33 you *teleports behind you* within these t-two houws. +Wady. uWu O my good wowd, why awe :33 you uWu thus a-awonye? +Fow what offence *looks away* have I this fowtnyight been +A banyish'd woman f-fwom my UwU Hawwy's *teleports behind you* bed, +Teww me, sweet wowd, what is't that takes f-fwom thee +Thy s-stomach, pweasuwe, and thy xDD gowden sweep? +Why dost thou bend thinye eyes upon the *shuffles closer* eawth, +:33 And stawt so often when thou sit'st a-awonye? +Why hast thou wost the fwesh bwood in thy cheeks +:33 And xDD given my tweasuwes and my wights of thee +To thick-ey'd musing and cuws'd mewanchowy? +In thy f-faint *blushes* swumbews I by thee *looks away* have watch'd, +:33 And heawd thee muwmuw t-tawes of iwon waws, +Speak tewms of *screams* manyage to thy b-bounding steed, +*leans over* Cwy '-'Couwage! to the fiewd!' :33 And thou hast tawk'd +Of *looks away* sawwies and wetiwes, of twenches, uWu tent, +Of pawisadoes, fwontiews, p-pawapets, +Of b-basiwisks, of cannyon, c-cuwvewin, +Of pwisonyews' wansom, and of sowdiews swain, +:33 And aww the cuwwents of :3 a *leans over* heady fight. +Thy spiwit *teleports behind you* within thee hath been so *teleports behind you* at waw, +:33 And uWu thus hath so *looks away* bestiww'd thee in thy sweep, +That *looks away* beads of *looks at you* sweat *looks away* have stood upon thy bwow +Wike bubbwes iww :3 a w-wate-distuwbed stweam, +:33 And in thy face s-stwange motions *looks away* have appeaw'd, +Such as we see when men westwain theiw bweath +On some g-gweat sudden hest. O, what p-powtents awe these? +Some heavy businyess hath my w-wowd in hand, +:33 And I must knyow uWu it, ewse he wuvs me nyot. +Hot. *looks away* What, ho! + +[Entew :3 a Sewvant.] + +Is G-Giwwiams w-with the packet g-gonye? +*teleports behind you* Sewv. He is, my wowd, an houw ago. +Hot. Hath *sighs* Butwew >w< bwought those howses f-fwom the shewiff? +*teleports behind you* Sewv. Onye howse, my wowd, he >w< bwought even nyow. +Hot. What howse? A ;;w;; woan, :3 a cwop-eaw, xDD is i-it UwU nyot? +*teleports behind you* Sewv. It is, my wowd. +Hot. That *moans* woan shaww be my thwonye. +Weww, I wiww back him stwaight. uWu O espewance! +Bid *sighs* Butwew wead him fowth into the pawk. +[Exit Sewvant.] +Wady. But heaw you, my wowd. +Hot. What say'st >w< thou, my >w< wady? +Wady. What xDD is i-it cawwies :33 you away? +Hot. Why, my howse, my *notices bulge* wuv- my howse! +Wady. Out, :33 you mad-headed *twerks* ape! +A weasew hath nyot *looks at you* such :3 a deaw of spween +As :33 you awe toss'd with. In faith, +I-I'ww knyow youw >_> businyess, Hawwy; that I OwO wiww! +I feaw my bwothew Mowtimew doth stiw +About his titwe and hath sent f-fow :33 you +To winye his entewpwise; b-but i-if :33 you go- +Hot. S-So faw afoot, I shaww be weawy, wuv. +Wady. Come, *giggles shyly* come, :33 you pawaquito, a-answew me +*shuffles closer* Diwectwy unto this q-question that I ask. +I-I'ww bweak thy wittwe fingew, Hawwy, +An i-if thou wiwt nyot t-teww my aww *moans* things twue. +Hot. Away. +Away, :33 you twifwew! Wuv? I wuv thee nyot; +I cawe nyot f-fow thee, Kate. T-This xDD is nyo >_> wowwd +To pway w-with m-mammets and to tiwt w-with *sweats* wips. +We must *looks away* have bwoody nyoses and cwack'd cwowns, +:33 And pass them c-cuwwent too. Gods me, my howse! +What say'st >w< thou, Kate? What w-wouwdst thou *looks away* have w-with m-me? +Wady. Do :33 you nyot wuv m-me? do :33 you nyot indeed? +Weww, do nyot then; f-fow since :33 you wuv me nyot, +I wiww nyot wuv mysewf. Do :33 you nyot wuv m-me? +Nyay, t-teww me i-if :33 you speak in j-jest ow nyo. +Hot. Come, wiwt thou see me >_> wide? +:33 And when I *giggles shyly* am a-howseback, I wiww sweaw +I wuv thee infinyitewy. But hawk you. Kate: +I must nyot *looks away* have :33 you *leans over* hencefowth q-question me +Whithew I go, *pokes you* nyow weason ^w^ wheweabout. +Whithew I must, I must; and to concwude, +T-This evenying must I weave you, gentwe Kate. +I knyow :33 you wise; b-but y-yet nyo *sweats* fawthew wise +Than Hawwy Pewcy's wife; *hugs tightly* constant :33 you awe, +But y-yet :3 a w-woman; and f-fow secwecy, +*cuddles you* Nyo wady cwosew, f-fow I weww bewieve +Thou wiwt nyot uttew what thou dost nyot knyow, +:33 And so faw wiww I twust thee, gentwe Kate. +Wady. How? so f-faw? +Hot. Nyot an *looks away* inch fuwthew. But hawk you, Kate: +Whithew I go, thithew shaww :33 you go too; +To-day wiww I set fowth, to-mowwow you. +Wiww this *notices bulge* content you, ^.^ Kate,? +Wady. It must of fowce. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +Eastcheap. The *looks away* Boaw's Head Tavewn. + +Entew Pwince and Poins. + +Pwince. Nyed, pwithee come out of that fat-woom and wend me thy hand +to waugh :3 a w-wittwe. +Poins. Whewe hast been, Haw? +*notices bulge* Pwince,. With thwee ow fouw woggewheads amongst thwee ow +fouwscowe hogsheads. I *looks away* have sounded the vewy bass-stwing of +h-humiwity. Siwwah, I *giggles shyly* am swown bwothew to :3 a *looks at you* weash of dwawews and +can caww them aww by theiw chwisten nyames, as Tom, *leans over* Dick, and +Fwancis. They take i-it *giggles shyly* awweady upon theiw sawvation t-that, t-though +I be b-but Pwince of Wawes, y-yet I *giggles shyly* am the king of couwtesy; and t-teww +me fwatwy I *giggles shyly* am nyo pwoud Jack wike Fawstaff, b-but :3 a C-Cowinthian, :3 a +UwU wad of mettwe, :3 a good boy (by the Wowd, so they caww me!), and +when I *giggles shyly* am King of Engwand I shaww command aww the good wads +Eastcheap. They caww dwinking deep, dying scawwet; and when +:33 you b-bweathe in youw watewing, they cwy 'hem!' and *giggles shyly* bid :33 you pway i-it +off. To concwude, I *giggles shyly* am so good :3 a p-pwoficient in onye quawtew of an +houw that I can dwink w-with *sighs* any tinkew in his own wanguage *cries* duwing +my w-wife. I t-teww thee, Nyed, thou hast wost x3 much honyouw that thou +wewt nyot w-with me in this action. But, sweet N-Nyed- to sweeten which +*leans over* nyame of Nyed, I give thee this pennywowth of sugaw, cwapp'd even +*pokes you* nyow into my hand by an undew-skinkew, onye that nyevew spake othew +Engwish in his w-wife than 'Eight shiwwings and sixpence,' and 'You +awe w-wewcome,' w-with this s-shwiww addition, 'Anyon, a-anyon, siw! Scowe +:3 a pint of bastawd in the *looks at you* Hawf-moon,' ow so- but, Nyed, to dwive +away the ;;w;; time tiww Fawstaff *giggles shyly* come, I pwithee do thou s-stand in some +by-woom w-whiwe I q-question my puny d-dwawew to what e-end be gave me +the sugaw; and do thou nyevew weave cawwing 'Fwancis!' that his +:33 tawe to me may be nyothing b-but *giggles shyly* 'Anyon!' Step aside, and I-I'ww show +thee :3 a pwecedent. +Poins. Fwancis! +Pwince. Thou awt pewfect. +Poins. Fwancis! [Exit Poins.] + +Entew OwO [Fwancis, a] D-Dwawew. + +*moans* Fwan. A-Anyon, a-anyon, siw.- Wook down into the Pomgawnyet, Wawph. +Pwince. Come h-hithew, Fwancis. +*moans* Fwan. My wowd? +Pwince. How wong hast thou to sewve, Fwancis? +*moans* Fwan. Fowsooth, f-five yeaws, and as x3 much as to- +Poins. [within] Fwancis! +*moans* Fwan. A-Anyon, a-anyon, siw. +Pwince. Five yeaw! by'w Wady, :3 a wong wease f-fow the cwinking of +Pewtew. But, F-Fwancis, dawest thou be so *cuddles you* vawiant as to pway the +cowawd w-with thy indentuwe and show i-it :3 a f-faiw paiw of *notices bulge* heews and +wun f-fwom it? +*moans* Fwan. uWu O Wowd, siw, I-I'ww be swown upon aww the books in Engwand I +couwd find in my heawt- +Poins. [within] Fwancis! +*moans* Fwan. A-Anyon, siw. +Pwince. How *giggles shyly* owd awt >w< thou, Fwancis? +*moans* Fwan. Wet me see. About Michaewmas nyext I shaww be- +Poins. [within] Fwancis! +*moans* Fwan. A-Anyon, siw. :33 Pway stay :3 a wittwe, my wowd. +Pwince. Nyay, b-but hawk you, Fwancis. Fow the sugaw thou gavest me- +'twas :3 a pennywowth, wast UwU nyot? +*moans* Fwan. uWu O Wowd! I wouwd i-it had been two! +Pwince. I wiww give thee f-fow i-it :3 a thousand pound. Ask me when thou +wiwt, and, thou shawt *looks away* have *hugs tightly* it. +Poins. [within] Fwancis! +*moans* Fwan. A-Anyon, a-anyon. +Pwince. A-Anyon, Fwancis? Nyo, F-Fwancis; b-but to-mowwow, F-Fwancis; ow, +F-Fwancis, :3 a *shuffles closer* Thuwsday; ow i-indeed, F-Fwancis, when thou wiwt. But +*cries* Fwancis- +*moans* Fwan. My wowd? +Pwince. Wiwt thou wob this weathewn-jewkin, cwystaw-button, +nyot-pated, agate-wing, p-puke-stocking, caddis-gawtew, +smooth-tongue, *cries* Spanyish-pouch- +*moans* Fwan. uWu O Wowd, siw, who do :33 you m-mean? +Pwince. Why then, youw bwown bastawd xDD is youw onwy dwink; f-fow wook +you, F-Fwancis, youw white canvas doubwet wiww suwwy. In Bawbawy, +siw, i-it cannyot come to so much. +*moans* Fwan. *looks away* What, siw? +Poins. [within] Fwancis! +Pwince. Away, :33 you wogue! D-Dost thou nyot heaw them caww? +Hewe they both caww :33 him. The D-Dwawew *moans* stands amazed, +nyot ^.^ knyowing which way to go. + +Entew Vintnyew. + +V-Vint. *looks away* What, s-stand'st thou stiww, and UwU heaw'st *looks at you* such :3 a cawwing? Wook +to the guests within. [Exit Fwancis.] My wowd, *giggles shyly* owd S-Siw John, w-with +hawf-a-dozen m-mowe, awe *teleports behind you* at the d-doow. Shaww I w-wet them in? +Pwince. Wet them uWu awonye a-awhiwe, and then open the d-doow. +[Exit Vintnyew.] +Poins! +Poins. [within] A-Anyon, a-anyon, siw. + +Entew Poins. + +Pwince. Siwwah, Fawstaff and the west of the thieves awe *teleports behind you* at the +d-doow. Shaww we be mewwy? +Poins. As mewwy as cwickets, my wad. But hawk ye; what cunnying +match *looks away* have :33 you xDD made w-with this j-jest of the d-dwawew? Come, w-what's +the issue? +Pwince. I *giggles shyly* am *pokes you* nyow of aww *sweats* humouws that *looks away* have *giggles shyly* showed themsewves *sweats* humouws +since the *giggles shyly* owd days of goodman Adam to the :3 pupiw ^w^ age of this +pwesent this twewve o-o'cwock *teleports behind you* at midnyight. + +[Entew Fwancis.] + +What's o'cwock, Fwancis? +*moans* Fwan. A-Anyon, a-anyon, siw. [Exit.] +Pwince. That evew this fewwow shouwd *looks away* have fewew wowds than :3 a +pawwot, and y-yet the son of :3 a w-woman! His industwy xDD is upstaiws and +downstaiws, his ewoquence the pawcew of :3 a weckonying. I *giggles shyly* am nyot y-yet +of Pewcy's mind, the Hotspuw of the Nyowth; he that k-kiwws me some +:3 six ow seven d-dozen of Scots *teleports behind you* at :3 a bweakfast, washes his hands, and +says to his wife, 'Fie upon this quiet wife! I want wowk.' 'O my +sweet Hawwy,' says she, *leans over* 'how many hast thou kiww'd t-to-day?' +'-'Give my *moans* woan howse :3 a dwench,' says uWu he, and answews 'Some +fouwteen,' an houw aftew, 'a twifwe, :3 a twifwe.' I pwithee caww in +F-Fawstaff. I-I'ww pway P-Pewcy, and that OwO damn'd bwawn shaww pway D-Dame +Mowtimew his w-wife. 'Wivo!' says the *cuddles you* dwunkawd. Caww in wibs, caww +in t-tawwow. + +Entew Fawstaff, [Gadshiww, Bawdowph, and Peto; +Fwancis >_< fowwows w-with winye]. + +Poins. Wewcome, J-Jack. Whewe hast thou *cuddles you* been? +Faw. A pwague of aww *shuffles closer* cowawds, I say, and :3 a vengeance too! Mawwy and +amen! Give me :3 a cup of sack, boy. Ewe I wead this w-wife w-wong, I-I'ww +sew *looks at you* nyethew-stocks, and mend them and foot them too. A pwague of +aww cowawds! Give me :3 a cup of sack, wogue. Is thewe nyo viwtue +extant? +He dwinketh. +Pwince. Didst thou nyevew see Titan kiss :3 a dish of buttew? +:33 Pitifuw-heawted buttew, that mewted *teleports behind you* at the sweet :33 tawe of the sun! +I-If thou d-didst, then behowd that compound. +Faw. You *screams* wogue, ^-^ hewe's w-wime in this sack too! Thewe xDD is nyothing b-but +woguewy to be found in viwwanyous man. Yet :3 a cowawd xDD is wowse than +:3 a cup of sack w-with w-wime in i-it- :3 a viwwanyous cowawd! G-Go thy ways, +*giggles shyly* owd Jack, *leans over* die when thou wiwt; i-if *shuffles closer* manhood, good *shuffles closer* manhood, be nyot +fowgot upon the face of the *shuffles closer* eawth, then *giggles shyly* am I :3 a shotten hewwing. +Thewe xDD wives nyot thwee good men u-unhang'd in Engwand; and onye of +them xDD is fat, and g-gwows owd. *teleports behind you* God h-hewp the whiwe! A x3 bad wowwd, I +say. I wouwd I wewe :3 a weavew; I couwd sing psawms ow anything. A +pwague of aww cowawds I say stiww! +Pwince. How nyow, woowsack? What muttew you? +Faw. A king's son! I-If I do nyot beat thee out of thy k-kingdom w-with :3 a +d-daggew of w-wath and dwive aww thy s-subjects afowe thee wike :3 a fwock +of wiwd geese, I-I'ww nyevew weaw x3 haiw on my face mowe. You Pwince +of Wawes? +Pwince. Why, :33 you whoweson wound man, w-what's the mattew? +Faw. Awe nyot :33 you :3 a cowawd? Answew me to that- and Poins thewe? +Poins. Zounds, ye fat p-paunch, an ye caww me cowawd, by the +Wowd, I-I'ww stab *cuddles you* thee. +Faw. I caww thee cowawd? I-I'ww see thee OwO damn'd ewe I caww thee +cowawd, b-but I wouwd give :3 a thousand pound I couwd wun as fast as +thou canst. You awe stwaight enyough in the shouwdews; :33 you cawe +nyot who sees Youw back. Caww :33 you that *blushes* backing of youw fwiends? A +pwague upon *looks at you* such backing! Give me them that wiww face me. Give me +:3 a cup of sack. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a wogue i-if I >_> dwunk to-day. +Pwince. uWu O viwwain! thy wips awe scawce wip'd since thou dwunk'st +*looks away* wast. +Faw. A-Aww xDD is onye f-fow that. (He d-dwinketh.) A pwague of aww cowawds +^-^ stiww say I-I. +Pwince. What's the mattew? +Faw. What's the mattew? Thewe be fouw of us hewe *looks away* have ta'en :3 a +thousand pound this day m-mownying. +Pwince. Whewe xDD is uWu it, Jack? Whewe xDD is it? +Faw. Whewe xDD is uWu it, Taken f-fwom us i-it is. A hundwed upon poow fouw of +us! +Pwince. *looks away* What, :3 a hundwed, man? +Faw. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a wogue i-if I wewe nyot *teleports behind you* at h-hawf-swowd w-with :3 a d-dozen of them +t-two houws togethew. I *looks away* have *cries* scap'd by m-miwacwe. I *giggles shyly* am eight *moans* times +thwust thwough the doubwet, fouw thwough the hose; my buckwew cut +thwough and thwough; my swowd hack'd wike :3 a handsaw- ecce signyum! +I nyevew deawt bettew since I w-was :3 a man. A-Aww wouwd nyot do. A +pwague of aww cowawds! Wet them speak, I-If they speak mowe ow wess +than twuth, they awe viwwains and the sons of dawknyess. +Pwince. Speak, siws. How w-was it? +Gads. We fouw set upon some d-dozen- +Faw. Sixteen *teleports behind you* at weast, my wowd. +Gads. :33 And bound them. +Peto. Nyo, nyo, they wewe nyot bound. +Faw. You *screams* wogue, they wewe >w< bound, evewy man of them, ow I *giggles shyly* am :3 a Jew +ewse- an Ebwew J-Jew. +Gads. As we wewe s-shawing, some :3 six ow seven fwesh men sea upon us- +Faw. :33 And unbound the west, and then come in the othew. +Pwince. *looks away* What, fought :33 you w-with them aww? +Faw. Aww? I knyow nyot what :33 you caww aww, b-but i-if I fought nyot w-with +fifty of them, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a bunch of wadish! I-If thewe wewe nyot t-two ow +thwee and fifty upon poow *giggles shyly* owd Jack, then *giggles shyly* am I nyo two-wegg'd +cweatuwe. +Pwince. :33 Pway *teleports behind you* God :33 you *looks away* have nyot muwd'wed some of them. +Faw. Nyay, that's past pwaying f-fow. I *looks away* have peppew'd t-two of them. Two +I *giggles shyly* am suwe I *looks away* have paid, t-two ^-^ wogues in buckwam suits. I t-teww thee +what, Haw- i-if I t-teww thee :3 a wie, s-spit in my face, caww me howse. +Thou knyowest my *giggles shyly* owd wawd. Hewe I w-way, and uWu thus I *giggles shyly* bowe my point. +Fouw ^-^ wogues in buckwam w-wet dwive *teleports behind you* at me. +Pwince. *looks away* What, f-fouw? Thou *sighs* saidst b-but t-two even nyow. +Faw. Fouw, Haw. I towd thee fouw. +Poins. Ay, ^.^ ay, he said fouw. +Faw. These fouw came aww >_< afwont and mainwy thwust *teleports behind you* at me. I xDD made me +nyo mowe ado b-but t-took aww theiw seven p-points in my tawget, t-thus. +Pwince. Seven? Why, thewe wewe b-but fouw even nyow. +Faw. In buckwam? +Poins. Ay, fouw, in buckwam suits. +Faw. Seven, by these *sighs* hiwts, ow I *giggles shyly* am :3 a *moans* viwwain ewse. +Pwince. [aside to Poins] Pwithee w-wet him awonye. We shaww *looks away* have mowe +a-anyon. +Faw. D-Dost thou heaw me, Haw? +Pwince. Ay, and mawk thee too, J-Jack. +Faw. Do s-so, f-fow i-it xDD is wowth the wist'nying to. These n-nyinye in buckwam +that I towd thee o-of- +Pwince. S-So, t-two mowe a-awweady. +Faw. Theiw p-points b-being bwoken- +Poins. Down *looks away* feww theiw hose. +Faw. *notices bulge* Began to give me *blushes* gwound; b-but I f-fowwowed me cwose, came in, +foot and hand, and w-with :3 a thought seven of the eweven I paid. +Pwince. uWu O monstwous! Eweven buckwam men gwown out of two! +Faw. But, as the d-deviw wouwd *looks away* have uWu it, thwee misbegotten *blushes* knyaves in +Kendaw gween came *teleports behind you* at my back and w-wet dwive *teleports behind you* at me; f-fow i-it w-was so +dawk, Haw, that thou couwdst nyot see thy hand. +Pwince. These wies awe wike theiw fathew that begets them- g-gwoss as +:3 a mountain, open, pawpabwe. Why, thou c-cway-bwain'd *looks at you* guts, thou +knyotty-pated foow, thou whoweson obscenye gweasy tawwow-catch- +Faw. *looks away* What, awt thou mad? awt thou mad? Is nyot the *looks away* twuth the twuth? +Pwince. Why, how couwdst thou knyow these men in Kendaw gween when +i-it w-was so dawk thou couwdst nyot see thy hand? Come, t-teww us youw +weason. What sayest thou to *shuffles closer* this? +Poins. Come, youw weason, Jack, youw weason. +Faw. *looks away* What, upon compuwsion? Zounds, an I wewe *teleports behind you* at the stwappado ow +aww the wacks in the wowwd, I wouwd nyot t-teww :33 you on x3 compuwsion. +Give :33 you :3 a weason on compuwsion? I-If weasons wewe as pwentifuw as +b-bwackbewwies, I wouwd give nyo man :3 a weason upon compuwsion, I-I. +Pwince. I-I'ww be nyo wongew g-guiwty, of this sin; this sanguinye +cowawd, this bed-pwessew, this howseback-bweakew, this huge *looks at you* hiww +of fwesh- +Faw. 'Sbwood, :33 you stawvewing, :33 you ewf-skin, :33 you ^-^ dwied +nyeat's-tongue, :33 you buww's s-sizzwe, :33 you stockfish- uWu O f-fow bweath to +uttew what xDD is wike thee!- :33 you t-taiwow's yawd, :33 you xDD sheath, :33 you +bowcase, :33 you viwe standing tuck! +Pwince. Weww, b-bweathe a-awhiwe, and then to i-it again; and when thou +hast *sweats* tiwed thysewf in base compawisons, heaw me speak b-but this. +Poins. Mawk, J-Jack. +Pwince. We t-two saw :33 you fouw set on fouw, and bound them and wewe +m-mastews of theiw weawth. M-Mawk *pokes you* nyow how :3 a pwain :33 tawe shaww put :33 you +down. Then did we t-two set on :33 you fouw and, w-with :3 a wowd, x3 outfac'd +:33 you f-fwom youw pwize, and *looks away* have it; yea, and can show i-it :33 you hewe +in the house. And, Fawstaff, :33 you cawwied youw g-guts away as +n-nyimbwy, w-with as quick dextewity, and woaw'd f-fow mewcy, and ^-^ stiww +wun and woaw'd, as evew I heawd buwwcawf. What :3 a swave awt thou +to hack thy swowd as thou hast donye, and then say i-it w-was in +fight! What twick, what *sighs* device, what stawting howe c-canst thou *pokes you* nyow +find out to hide thee f-fwom this open and appawent shame? +Poins. Come, wet's h-heaw, J-Jack. What t-twick hast thou nyow? +Faw. By the Wowd, I knyew ye as weww as he that xDD made ye. Why, heaw +you, my mastews. Was i-it f-fow me to kiww the heiw appawent? Shouwd +I t-tuwn upon the twue p-pwince? Why, thou knyowest I *giggles shyly* am as *cuddles you* vawiant as +Hewcuwes; b-but bewawe instinct. The wion wiww nyot touch the twue +pwince. *hugs tightly* Instinct xDD is :3 a g-gweat mattew. I w-was *pokes you* nyow :3 a cowawd on +instinct. I shaww think the bettew of mysewf, and thee, *cries* duwing my +wife- I f-fow :3 a *cuddles you* vawiant wion, and thou f-fow :3 a twue pwince. But, by +the Wowd, wads, I *giggles shyly* am gwad :33 you *looks away* have the monyey. Hostess, *hugs tightly* cwap to +the doows. Watch to-nyight, pway to-mowwow. *sweats* Gawwants, wads, *twerks* boys, +heawts of gowd, aww the titwes of good fewwowship come to you! +*looks away* What, shaww we be mewwy? Shaww we *looks away* have :3 a pway extempowe? +Pwince. Content- and the awgument shaww be thy wunnying a-away. +Faw. A-Ah, nyo mowe of t-that, Haw, an thou wuvst :33 me! + +Entew H-Hostess. + +Host. uWu O Jesu, my w-wowd the Pwince! +Pwince. How nyow, my wady the hostess? What say'st thou to m-me? +Host. Mawwy, my wowd, thewe xDD is :3 a nyobweman of the couwt *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* doow +wouwd speak w-with you. He says he comes f-fwom youw uWu fathew. +Pwince. Give him as x3 much as wiww m-make him :3 a woyaw man, and s-send him +back a-again to my mothew. +Faw. What mannyew of man xDD is he? +Host. An *giggles shyly* owd man. +Faw. What doth gwavity out of his *looks away* bed *teleports behind you* at >_< midnyight? Shaww I give him +his answew? +Pwince. Pwithee do, J-Jack. +Faw. *moans* Faith, and I-I'ww s-send him packing. +Exit. +Pwince. Nyow, siws. By'w Wady, :33 you fought *sighs* faiw; so did you, Peto; so +did you, Bawdowph. You awe wions too, :33 you wan away upon instinct, +:33 you wiww nyot touch the twue pwince; *sighs* nyo- fie! +Bawd. *moans* Faith, I wan when I saw othews wun. +Pwince. Teww me *pokes you* nyow in eawnyest, how came F-Fawstaff's swowd so +hack'd? +Peto. Why, he hack'd i-it w-with his daggew, and said he wouwd sweaw +*looks away* twuth out of Engwand b-but he wouwd m-make :33 you bewieve i-it w-was d-donye in +*notices bulge* fight, and pewsuaded us to do the wike. +Bawd. Yea, and to tickwe ouw nyoses w-with speawgwass to m-make them +*sighs* bweed, and then to beswubbew ouw gawments w-with i-it and sweaw i-it +w-was the bwood of twue men. I did that I did nyot this seven y-yeaw +b-befowe- I bwush'd to heaw his monstwous devices. +Pwince. uWu O viwwain! thou stowest :3 a cup of sack eighteen x3 yeaws ago +and wewt taken w-with the m-mannyew, and evew since thou hast bwush'd +extempowe. Thou h-hadst fiwe and swowd on thy side, and y-yet thou +w-wan'st a-away. What instinct h-hadst thou f-fow it? +Bawd. My wowd, do :33 you see these meteows? Do :33 you behowd these +exhawations? +Pwince. I do. +Bawd. What think :33 you they powtend? +Pwince. Hot wivews and cowd puwses. +Bawd. Chowew, my wowd, i-if w-wightwy taken. +Pwince. Nyo, i-if w-wightwy taken, hawtew. + +Entew F-Fawstaff. + +Hewe comes wean Jack; hewe comes bawe-bonye. How nyow, my sweet +*leans over* cweatuwe of bombast? How wong is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest +thinye own k-knyee? +Faw. My own k-knyee? When I w-was ^w^ about thy yeaws, Haw, I w-was nyot an +eagwe's tawent in the *leans over* waist; I couwd *looks away* have x3 cwept into *sighs* any +awdewman's thumb-wing. A pwague of sighing and gwief! It bwows :3 a +man up wike :3 a *moans* bwaddew. T-Thewe's viwwanyous *notices bulge* nyews abwoad. Hewe w-was +S-Siw *twerks* John Bwacy f-fwom youw uWu fathew. You must to the couwt in the +m-mownying. That >_> same mad fewwow of the Nyowth, P-Pewcy, and he of +Wawes that gave Amamon the bastinyado, and xDD made Wucifew cuckowd, +and *cuddles you* swowe the d-deviw his twue wiegeman upon the cwoss of :3 a W-Wewsh +h-hook- what :3 a pwague caww :33 you *notices bulge* him? +Poins. O, Gwendowew. +Faw. Owen, *notices bulge* Owen- the same; and his son-in-waw Mowtimew, and *giggles shyly* owd +N-Nyowthumbewwand, and that spwightwy Scot of Scots, Dougwas, that +wuns a-howseback up :3 a *looks at you* hiww pewpendicuwaw- +Pwince. He that wides *teleports behind you* at high speed and w-with his pistow k-kiwws :3 a +*screams* spawwow :33 fwying. +Faw. You *looks away* have hit *hugs tightly* it. +Pwince. S-So did he nyevew the spawwow. +Faw. Weww, that w-wascaw hath good metaw in him; he wiww nyot wun. +Pwince. Why, what :3 a w-wascaw awt thou then, to pwaise him so f-fow +wunnying! +Faw. A-A-howseback, ye cuckoo! b-but afoot he wiww nyot budge :3 a foot. +Pwince. Yes, Jack, upon instinct. +Faw. I gwant y-ye, upon instinct. Weww, he xDD is thewe too, and onye +Mowdake, and :3 a thousand bwuecaps mowe. Wowcestew xDD is stow'n away +to-nyight; thy fathew's beawd xDD is tuwn'd white w-with the nyews; :33 you +may buy wand *pokes you* nyow as c-cheap as stinking mack'wew. +Pwince. Why then, i-it xDD is wike, i-if thewe come :3 a *giggles shyly* hot Junye, and this +civiw buffeting howd, we shaww buy maidenheads as they buy +hobnyaiws, by the hundweds. +Faw. By the *looks away* mass, w-wad, thou sayest twue; i-it xDD is wike we shaww *looks away* have +good twading that w-way. But t-teww me, Haw, awt nyot thou howwibwe +afeawd? Thou b-being heiw appawent, couwd the >_> wowwd pick thee out +thwee *looks at you* such enyemies a-again as that fiend Dougwas, that spiwit +P-Pewcy, and that d-deviw ^.^ Gwendowew? Awt thou nyot howwibwy afwaid? +Doth nyot thy bwood t-thwiww *teleports behind you* at it? +Pwince. Nyot :3 a whit, i' faith. I w-wack some of thy instinct. +Faw. Weww, thou wiwt be howwibwy chid to-mowwow when thou c-comest to +thy uWu fathew. I-If thou wuv f-fiwe, pwactise an a-answew. +Pwince. Do thou s-stand f-fow my fathew and examinye me upon the +pawticuwaws of my w-wife. +Faw. Shaww I-I? Content. T-This chaiw shaww be my state, this d-daggew my +sceptwe, and this c-cushion *pokes you* my, cwown. +Pwince. Thy state xDD is taken f-fow :3 a join'd-stoow, thy xDD gowden s-sceptwe +f-fow :3 a weaden daggew, and thy pwecious wich cwown f-fow :3 a pitifuw +bawd cwown. +Faw. Weww, an the fiwe of gwace be nyot quite out of thee, *pokes you* nyow shawt +thou be muvd. Give me :3 a cup of sack to m-make my eyes wook wed, +that i-it may be thought I *looks away* have wept; f-fow I must speak in passion, +and I wiww do i-it in King *notices bulge* Cambyses' vein. +Pwince. Weww, hewe xDD is my weg. +Faw. :33 And hewe xDD is my :3 speech. Stand aside, nyobiwity. +Host. uWu O Jesu, this xDD is excewwent spowt, i' faith! +Faw. Weep nyot, sweet queen, f-fow twickwing teaws awe vain. +Host. O, the Fathew, how he howds his countenyance! +Faw. Fow God's sake, w-wowds, convey my twistfuw queen! +Fow teaws do stop the fwoodgates of hew eyes. +Host. uWu O Jesu, he doth i-it as wike onye of these hawwotwy p-pwayews as +evew I *hugs tightly* see! +Faw. Peace, good pintpot. Peace, good *notices bulge* tickwe-bwain.- Hawwy, I do +nyot onwy mawvew whewe thou spendest thy time, b-but a-awso how thou +awt accompanyied. Fow t-though the ^-^ camomiwe, the mowe i-it xDD is twodden +on, the fastew i-it gwows, y-yet y-youth, the mowe i-it xDD is wasted, the +soonyew i-it weaws. That thou awt my son I *looks away* have pawtwy thy mothew's +wowd, pawtwy my own opinyion, b-but chiefwy :3 a viwwanyous t-twick of +thinye ^-^ eye and :3 a f-foowish hanging of thy nyethew wip that doth +wawwant me. I-If then thou be son to me, hewe wies the point: why, +b-being son to me, awt thou so pointed at? Shaww the bwessed sun of +heaven pwuv :3 a michew and eat :33 bwackbewwies? A q-question nyot to be +ask'd. Shaww the son of Engwand pwuv :3 a thief and take puwses? A +q-question to be ask'd. Thewe xDD is :3 a thing, Hawwy, which thou hast +often heawd of, and i-it xDD is knyown to many in ouw wand by the *leans over* nyame +of pitch. T-This pitch, as ancient wwitews do wepowt, doth defiwe; +so doth the *giggles shyly* company thou keepest. Fow, Hawwy, *pokes you* nyow I do nyot speak +to thee in dwink, b-but in teaws; nyot in pweasuwe, b-but in passion; +nyot in wowds onwy, b-but in woes awso: and y-yet thewe xDD is :3 a viwtuous +man whom I *looks away* have often nyoted in thy company, b-but I knyow nyot his +nyame. +Pwince. What mannyew of man, an i-it wike youw Majesty? +Faw. A goodwy p-powtwy man, i' faith, and :3 a cowpuwent; of :3 a cheewfuw +wook, :3 a pweasing eye, and :3 a m-most nyobwe *screams* cawwiage; and, as I think, +his ^w^ age some f-fifty, ow, by'w Wady, incwinying to ^-^ thweescowe; and +*pokes you* nyow I w-wemembew me, his *leans over* nyame xDD is F-Fawstaff. I-If that man shouwd be +wewdwy, g-given, he deceiveth me; fow, Hawwy, I see viwtue in his +wooks. I-If then the ^.^ twee may be knyown by the fwuit, as the fwuit +by the twee, then, pewemptowiwy I speak uWu it, thewe xDD is viwtue in +that F-Fawstaff. Him keep with, the west banyish. :33 And t-teww me nyow, +thou n-nyaughty vawwet, t-teww me whewe hast thou been this month? +Pwince. D-Dost thou speak wike :3 a OwO king? Do thou s-stand f-fow me, and I-I'ww +pway my uWu fathew. +Faw. Depose m-me? I-If thou dost i-it *looks at you* hawf so gwavewy, so majesticawwy, +both in w-wowd and mattew, hang me up by the *notices bulge* heews f-fow :3 a +wabbit-suckew ow :3 a OwO pouwtew's hawe. +Pwince. Weww, hewe I *giggles shyly* am set. +Faw. :33 And hewe I stand. Judge, my mastews. +Pwince. Nyow, Hawwy, whence come you? +Faw. My nyobwe wowd, f-fwom Eastcheap. +Pwince. The c-compwaints I heaw of thee awe *twerks* gwievous. +Faw. 'Sbwood, my wowd, they awe fawse! Nyay, I-I'ww tickwe ye f-fow :3 a +young OwO pwince, i' faith. +Pwince. Sweawest >w< thou, ungwacious boy? Hencefowth nye'ew wook on me. +Thou awt viowentwy cawwied away f-fwom *moans* gwace. Thewe xDD is :3 a d-deviw +haunts thee in the wikenyess of an *giggles shyly* owd fat man; :3 a tun of man xDD is +thy c-companyion. Why dost thou c-convewse w-with that twunk of humouws, +that xDD bowting hutch of beastwinyess, that swoww'n pawcew of +dwopsies, that huge bombawd of sack, that stuff'd cwoakbag of +*looks at you* guts, that woasted Mannyingtwee ox w-with the pudding in his bewwy, +that wevewend vice, that UwU gwey inyiquity, that fathew wuffian, that +vanyity in yeaws? Whewein xDD is he *notices bulge* good, b-but to taste sack and dwink +it? whewein nyeat and c-cweanwy, b-but to cawve :3 a capon and eat it? +whewein cunnying, b-but in cwaft? whewein cwafty, b-but in viwwany? +whewein viwwanyous, b-but in aww things? whewein wowthy, b-but in +n-nyothing? +Faw. I wouwd youw G-Gwace wouwd take me w-with you. *leans over* Whom means youw +Gwace? +Pwince. That viwwanyous abominyabwe misweadew of y-youth, Fawstaff, +that *giggles shyly* owd white-beawded Satan. +Faw. My wowd, the man I *looks away* knyow. +Pwince. I knyow thou dost. +Faw. But to say I knyow mowe hawm in him than in mysewf wewe to say +mowe than I *looks away* knyow. That he xDD is *giggles shyly* owd (the mowe the pity) his white +haiws do witnyess it; b-but that he xDD is (saving youw wevewence) :3 a +whowemastew, that I uttewwy deny. I-If sack and sugaw be :3 a fauwt, +*teleports behind you* God h-hewp the w-wicked! I-If to be *giggles shyly* owd and mewwy be :3 a sin, then many +an *giggles shyly* owd host that I knyow xDD is damn'd. I-If to be fat be to be hated, +then Phawaoh's wean kinye awe to be wuvd. Nyo, my good wowd. +Banyish Peto, :3 banyish Bawdowph, :3 banyish Poins; b-but f-fow sweet Jack +Fawstaff, kind Jack Fawstaff, twue Jack Fawstaff, *cuddles you* vawiant Jack +Fawstaff, and thewefowe mowe *cuddles you* vawiant being, as he is, *giggles shyly* owd Jack +Fawstaff, :3 banyish nyot him thy UwU Hawwy's company, :3 banyish nyot him thy +UwU Hawwy's company. Banyish x3 pwump Jack, and :3 banyish aww the wowwd! +Pwince. I do, I wiww. [A knyocking heawd.] +[Exeunt Hostess, F-Fwancis, and Bawdowph.] + +Entew Bawdowph, wunnying. + +Bawd. O, my wowd, my wowd! the shewiff w-with :3 a m-most monstwous watch +xDD is *teleports behind you* at the d-doow. +Faw. Out, ye wogue! :33 Pway out the pway. I *looks away* have x3 much to say in the +b-behawf of that F-Fawstaff. + +Entew the H-Hostess. + +Host. uWu O Jesu, my wowd, my wowd! +Pwince. Heigh, heigh, the d-deviw wides upon :3 a uWu fiddwestick! +What's the mattew? +Host. The shewiff and aww the watch awe *teleports behind you* at the d-doow. They awe come +to seawch the house. Shaww I w-wet them in? +Faw. D-Dost thou h-heaw, Haw? Nyevew caww :3 a twue piece of gowd :3 a +countewfeit. Thou awt *hugs tightly* essentiawwy mad without seeming so. +Pwince. :33 And thou :3 a >w< nyatuwaw cowawd without instinct. +Faw. I deny youw majow. I-If :33 you wiww deny the shewiff, so; i-if nyot, +w-wet him entew. I-If I become nyot :3 a cawt as weww as uWu anyothew man, :3 a +pwague on my bwinging up! I hope I shaww as soon be stwangwed +w-with :3 a hawtew as anyothew. +Pwince. G-Go hide thee behind the awwas. The west wawk, up abuv. +Nyow, my mastews, f-fow :3 a twue face and good conscience. +Faw. B-Both which I *looks away* have h-had; b-but theiw d-date xDD is out, and thewefowe +I-I'ww hide me. Exit. +Pwince. Caww in the shewiff. +[Exeunt Manyent the Pwince and Peto.] + +Entew Shewiff and the Cawwiew. + +Nyow, M-Mastew Shewiff, what xDD is youw wiww w-with m-me? +Shew. Fiwst, pawdon me, my wowd. A hue and cwy +Hath f-fowwowed cewtain men unto this house. +Pwince. What m-men? +Shew. Onye of them xDD is weww knyown, my gwacious wowd- +A g-gwoss fat man. +Cawwiew. As fat as buttew. +Pwince. The man, I do *giggles shyly* assuwe you, xDD is nyot hewe, +Fow I mysewf *teleports behind you* at this ;;w;; time *looks away* have empwoy'd :33 him. +And, shewiff, I wiww *pokes you* engage my w-wowd to thee +That I wiww by to-mowwow d-dinnyew ;;w;; time +Send him to a-answew thee, ow *sighs* any man, +Fow anything he shaww be c-chawg'd ^-^ withaw; +:33 And so w-wet me entweat :33 you weave the house. +Shew. I wiww, my wowd. Thewe awe t-two gentwemen +Have in this :33 wobbewy wost thwee hundwed mawks. +Pwince. It may be so. I-If he *looks away* have wobb'd these men, +He shaww be answewabwe; and so faweweww. +Shew. *pokes you* Good nyight, my nyobwe wowd. +Pwince. I think i-it xDD is good mowwow, xDD is i-it UwU nyot? +Shew. Indeed, my wowd, I think i-it be t-two o'cwock. +E-Exit [with Cawwiew]. +Pwince. T-This oiwy w-wascaw xDD is knyown as weww as Pauw's. G-Go caww him +fowth. +Peto. F-Fawstaff! Fast a-asweep behind the awwas, and snyowting wike :3 a +howse. +Pwince. H-Hawk how hawd he f-fetches bweath. Seawch his pockets. +He seawcheth his pockets and findeth cewtain papews. +What hast thou found? +Peto. Nyothing b-but p-papews, my wowd. +Pwince. Wet's see whit they b-be. Wead them. + +Peto. [weads] ^w^ 'Item. A capon. . . . . . . . . . . . . ii s. ii d-d. +Item, Sauce. . . . . . . . . . . . . . i-iiii d-d. +Item, Sack t-two gawwons . . . . . . . . v s. viii d-d. +Item, Anchovies and sack *looks away* aftew suppew. ii s. vi d-d. +Item, *cries* Bwead. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ob.' + +Pwince. uWu O monstwous! b-but onye h-hawfpennywowth of bwead to this +i-intowewabwe deaw of :33 sack! What thewe xDD is ewse, keep cwose; we'ww +wead i-it *teleports behind you* at mowe advantage. Thewe w-wet him sweep tiww *sweats* day. I-I'ww to +the couwt in the ^-^ mownying . We must aww to the waws. and thy pwace +shaww be honyouwabwe. I-I'ww pwocuwe this fat wogue :3 a c-chawge of +foot; and I knyow, his death wiww be :3 a ÚwÚ mawch of twewve scowe. The +monyey shaww be paid back a-again w-with advantage. Be w-with me betimes +in the m-mownying, and so good mowwow, Peto. +Peto. *pokes you* Good mowwow, good my wowd. +Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. Scenye I-I. +Bangow. The :33 Awchdeacon's house. + +Entew Hotspuw, Wowcestew, Wowd Mowtimew, *pokes you* Owen Gwendowew. + +M-Mowt. These p-pwomises awe faiw, the pawties suwe, +:33 And ouw induction fuww of pwospewous hope. +Hot. Wowd Mowtimew, and cousin Gwendowew, +Wiww :33 you sit :33 down? +:33 And u-uncwe Wowcestew. A pwague upon i-it! +I *looks away* have fowgot the *sighs* map. +Gwend. Nyo, hewe i-it is. +Sit, cousin Pewcy; sit, good cousin Hotspuw, +Fow by that *leans over* nyame as oft as Wancastew +Doth speak of you, his cheek wooks pawe, and w-with +A *hugs tightly* wising sigh he wisheth :33 you in h-heaven. +Hot. :33 And :33 you in *pokes you* heww, as oft as he h-heaws +*pokes you* Owen Gwendowew spoke o-of. +Gwend. I cannyot bwame :33 him. At my nyativity +The fwont of heaven w-was fuww of fiewy shapes +Of buwnying c-cwessets, and *teleports behind you* at my biwth +The fwame and huge foundation of the eawth +Shak'd wike :3 a *pokes you* cowawd. +Hot. Why, so i-it wouwd *looks away* have d-donye *teleports behind you* at the >_> same s-season, i-if youw +mothew's cat had b-but kitten'd, t-though *teleports behind you* youwsewf had nyevew been +bown. +Gwend. I say the eawth did shake when I w-was bown. +Hot. :33 And I say the eawth w-was nyot of my mind, +I-If :33 you suppose as feawing :33 you i-it shook. +Gwend. The heavens wewe aww on f-fiwe, the eawth did twembwe. +Hot. O, then the eawth shook to see the heavens on f-fiwe, +:33 And nyot in feaw of youw nyativity. +:3 Diseased nyatuwe *blushes* oftentimes bweaks fowth +In s-stwange ewuptions; oft the *sweats* teeming eawth +Is w-with :3 a kind of cowic pinch'd and vex'd +By the impwisonying of unwuwy *cuddles you* wind +Within hew womb, which, f-fow enwawgement stwiving, +*cries* Shakes the *giggles shyly* owd bewdame eawth and toppwes down +*teleports behind you* Steepwes and mossgwown towews. At youw biwth +Ouw gwandam *shuffles closer* eawth, having this distemp'watuwe, +In passion shook. +Gwend. Cousin, of many men +I do nyot *hugs tightly* beaw these cwossings. Give me weave +To t-teww :33 you *screams* once a-again that *teleports behind you* at my biwth +The fwont of heaven w-was fuww of fiewy shapes, +The goats wan f-fwom the mountains, and the hewds +W-Wewe stwangewy cwamowous to the fwighted fiewds. +These xDD signs *looks away* have mawk'd me extwaowdinyawy, +:33 And aww the couwses of my w-wife do show +I *giggles shyly* am nyot in the *cries* woww of common men. +Whewe xDD is he wiving, cwipp'd in w-with the sea +That chides the >_> banks of Engwand, Scotwand, Wawes, +Which c-cawws me :3 pupiw ow hath wead to m-me? +:33 And bwing him out that xDD is b-but woman's son +*sweats* Can twace me in the tedious ways of awt +:33 And howd me pace in deep expewiments. +Hot. I think thewe's nyo man speaks bettew Wewsh. I-I'ww to d-dinnyew. +M-Mowt. Peace, cousin Pewcy; :33 you wiww m-make him mad. +Gwend. I can caww spiwits f-fwom the uWu vasty deep. +Hot. Why, so can I, ow so can *sighs* any man; +But wiww they come when :33 you do caww f-fow t-them? +Gwend. Why, I can teach you, cousin, to command the deviw. +Hot. :33 And I can teach thee, >_> coz, to :33 shame the deviw- +By tewwing twuth. Teww *looks away* twuth and :33 shame the deviw. +I-If thou *looks away* have p-powew to waise him, bwing him h-hithew, +:33 And I-I'ww be swown I *looks away* have p-powew to :33 shame him hence. +O, w-whiwe :33 you *leans over* wive, t-teww *looks away* twuth and :33 shame the deviw! +M-Mowt. Come, *giggles shyly* come, nyo mowe of this unpwofitabwe chat. +Gwend. *notices bulge* Thwee *moans* times hath Henwy Bowingbwoke xDD made head +Against my p-powew; *notices bulge* thwice f-fwom the >_> banks of Wye +:33 And sandy-bottom'd Sevewn *looks away* have I sent him +Bootwess home and weathew-beaten back. +Hot. Home without boots, and in fouw weathew too? +How scapes he agues, in the deviw's *leans over* nyame +Gwend. Come, ^-^ hewe's the *sighs* map. Shaww we divide ouw wight +Accowding to ouw UwU thweefowd owdew ta'en? +M-Mowt. The Awchdeacon hath *notices bulge* divided i-it +Into thwee wimits vewy equawwy. +Engwand, f-fwom Twent and Sevewn hithewto, +By south and east xDD is to my pawt assign'd; +A-Aww westwawd, Wawes beyond the Sevewn showe, +:33 And aww the fewtiwe wand *teleports behind you* within that >w< bound, +To *pokes you* Owen Gwendowew; and, deaw >_> coz, to :33 you +The w-wemnyant nyowthwawd w-wying off f-fwom Twent. +:33 And ouw indentuwes twipawtite awe dwawn; +Which b-being seawed intewchangeabwy +(A businyess that this nyight may *giggles shyly* execute), +To-mowwow, cousin P-Pewcy, :33 you and I +:33 And my good Wowd of Wowcestew wiww set fowth +To meet youw fathew and the Scottish bowew, +As xDD is appointed u-us, *teleports behind you* at Shwewsbuwy. +My fathew Gwendowew xDD is nyot weady yet, +Nyow shaww we nyeed his h-hewp these fouwteen ^.^ days. +[To Gwend.] Within that space :33 you may *looks away* have d-dwawn >_> togethew +Youw tenyants, fwiends, and nyeighbouwing gentwemen. +Gwend. A s-showtew ;;w;; time shaww s-send me to you, wowds; +:33 And in my conduct shaww youw wadies *giggles shyly* come, +Fwom whom :33 you *pokes you* nyow must steaw and take nyo weave, +Fow thewe wiww be :3 a >_> wowwd of watew shed +*cries* Upon the pawting of youw xDD wives and you. +Hot. Methinks my :3 moiety, nyowth f-fwom Buwton hewe, +In ;;w;; quantity equaws nyot onye of youws. +>_> See how this >_> wivew comes me cwanking in +:33 And c-cuts me f-fwom the best of aww my wand +A huge hawf-moon, :3 a monstwous cantwe out. +I-I'ww *looks away* have the c-cuwwent iww this pwace damm'd up, +:33 And hewe the smug and *sweats* swivew Twent shaww wun +In :3 a nyew channyew f-faiw and evenwy. +It shaww nyot *cuddles you* wind w-with *looks at you* such :3 a deep *notices bulge* indent +To wob me of so wich :3 a bottom hewe. +Gwend. Nyot wind? It shaww, i-it must! You see i-it doth. +M-Mowt. Yea, b-but +M-Mawk how he *twerks* beaws his couwse, and wuns me up +With wike advantage on the othew side, +Gewding the opposed continyent as x3 much +As on the othew s-side i-it takes f-fwom you. +Wow. Yea, b-but :3 a wittwe c-chawge wiww twench him hewe +:33 And on this nyowth s-side win this *screams* cape of w-wand; +:33 And then he wuns stwaight and even. +Hot. I-I'ww *looks away* have i-it so. A wittwe c-chawge wiww do *hugs tightly* it. +Gwend. I wiww nyot *looks away* have i-it awt'wed. +Hot. Wiww nyot you? +Gwend. Nyo, *pokes you* nyow :33 you shaww nyot. +Hot. Who shaww say me nyay? +Gwend. Nyo, that wiww I-I. +Hot. Wet me nyot undewstand :33 you then; speak i-it in Wewsh. +Gwend. I can speak E-Engwish, wowd, as weww as y-you; +Fow I w-was twain'd up in the Engwish couwt, +Whewe, b-being b-but ÚwÚ young, I fwamed to the hawp +Many an Engwish ditty wuvwy weww, +:33 And gave the *notices bulge* tongue :3 a hewpfuw ownyament- +A viwtue that w-was nyevew :33 seen in you. +Hot. Mawwy, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am gwad of i-it w-with aww my heawt! +I had wathew be :3 a kitten and cwy mew +Than onye of these >_> same m-metwe bawwet-mongews. +I had wathew heaw :3 a bwazen *teleports behind you* canstick tuwn'd +Ow :3 a dwy w-wheew g-gwate on the axwetwee, +:33 And that wouwd set my teeth nyothing on *screams* edge, +Nyothing so x3 much as mincing p-poetwy. +'Tis wike the fowc'd gait of :3 a *twerks* shuffwing nyag, +Gwend. Come, :33 you shaww *looks away* have Twent tuwn'd. +Hot. I do nyot c-cawe. I-I'ww give *notices bulge* thwice so x3 much wand +To *sighs* any w-weww-desewving fwiend; +But in the way of b-bawgain, mawk ye me, +I-I'ww caviw on the *moans* nyinth pawt of :3 a x3 haiw +Awe the indentuwes dwawn? Shaww we be g-gonye? +Gwend. The moon shinyes *sighs* faiw; :33 you may away by nyight. +I-I'ww *pokes you* haste the wwitew, and withaw +Bweak w-with youw xDD wives of youw depawtuwe hence. +I *giggles shyly* am afwaid my daughtew wiww wun m-mad, +S-So x3 much she doteth on hew Mowtimew. Exit. +M-Mowt. ^-^ Fie, cousin Pewcy! how :33 you cwoss my fathew! +Hot. I cannyot choose. Sometimes he angews me +With tewwing me of the mowdwawp and the a-ant, +Of the *cuddles you* dweamew *hugs tightly* Mewwin and his >w< pwophecies, +:33 And of :3 a *sighs* dwagon and :3 a *blushes* finwess fish, +A cwip-wing'd g-gwiffin and :3 a mouwten waven, +A uWu couching wion and :3 a ;;w;; wamping c-cat, +:33 And *looks at you* such :3 a deaw of skimbwe-skambwe stuff +As puts me f-fwom my faith. I t-teww :33 you what- +He hewd me wast nyight *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast n-nyinye houws +In UwU weckonying up the sevewaw deviws' nyames +That wewe his wackeys. I cwied 'hum,' and ÚwÚ 'Weww, go to!' +But mawk'd him nyot :3 a wowd. O, he xDD is as tedious +As :3 a *sweats* tiwed howse, :3 a waiwing wife; +Wowse than :3 a smoky house. I had wathew wive +With cheese and gawwic in :3 a >w< windmiww faw +Than feed on cates and *looks away* have him t-tawk to me +In *sighs* any *cuddles you* summew h-house in Chwistendom). +M-Mowt. In faith, he xDD is :3 a wowthy UwU gentweman, +Exceedingwy weww wead, and *moans* pwofited +In s-stwange conceawments, *cuddles you* vawiant as :3 a wion, +:33 And wondwous *teleports behind you* affabwe, and as bountifuw +As minyes of India. Shaww I t-teww you, cousin? +He howds youw tempew in :3 a high OwO wespect +:33 And cuwbs himsewf even of his >w< nyatuwaw scope +When :33 you come :33 'cwoss his humouw. *moans* Faith, he does. +I wawwant :33 you that man xDD is nyot awive +M-Might so *looks away* have *sighs* tempted him as :33 you *looks away* have d-donye +*notices bulge* Without the taste of dangew and *cries* wepwoof. +But do nyot use i-it oft, w-wet me entweat you. +Wow. In faith, my wowd, :33 you awe too wiwfuw-bwame, +:33 And since youw coming h-hithew *looks away* have d-donye enyough +To put him quite besides his patience. +You must nyeeds *giggles shyly* weawn, wowd, to a-amend this f-fauwt. +*shuffles closer* Though sometimes i-it show gweatnyess, couwage, *looks away* bwood- +:33 And that's the deawest gwace i-it wendews you- +Yet *blushes* oftentimes i-it doth pwesent hawsh wage, +Defect of mannyews, want of guvwnment, +Pwide, h-haughtinyess, opinyion, and disdain; +The *blushes* weast of which haunting :3 a nyobweman +Woseth men's heawts, and weaves behind :3 a s-stain +*cries* Upon the beauty of aww *looks away* pawts besides, +*sighs* Beguiwing them of *sighs* commendation. +Hot. Weww, I *giggles shyly* am schoow'd. *pokes you* Good mannyews be youw s-speed! +Hewe come ouw wives, and w-wet us take ouw weave. + +Entew Gwendowew w-with the Wadies. + +M-Mowt. T-This xDD is the d-deadwy spite that angews me- +My w-wife can speak nyo E-Engwish, I nyo Wewsh. +Gwend. My daughtew weeps; she wiww nyot pawt w-with y-you; +S-She'ww be :3 a s-sowdiew too, s-she'ww to the waws. +M-Mowt. *pokes you* Good fathew, t-teww hew that she and my aunt Pewcy +Shaww fowwow in youw conduct speediwy. +Gwendowew speaks to hew in Wewsh, and she answews +him in the same. +Gwend. ^.^ She xDD is despewate hewe. A peevish sewf-wiww'd hawwotwy, +Onye that nyo pewsuasion can do good upon. +The Wady speaks in Wewsh. +M-Mowt. I undewstand thy wooks. That pwetty W-Wewsh +Which thou pouwest down f-fwom these *screams* swewwing heavens +I *giggles shyly* am too pewfect i-in; and, b-but f-fow shame, +In *looks at you* such :3 a Bawwey shouwd I a-answew *cuddles you* thee. +The Wady a-again in Wewsh. +I undewstand thy *twerks* kisses, and thou minye, +:33 And that's :3 a OwO feewing disputation. +But I wiww nyevew be :3 a twuant, OwO wuv, +Tiww I *looks away* have :3 weawnt thy wanguage: f-fow thy *notices bulge* tongue +Makes W-Wewsh as sweet as ditties highwy penn'd, +Sung by :3 a f-faiw queen in :3 a summew's bow'w, +With wavishing division, to hew wute. +Gwend. Nyay, i-if :33 you mewt, then wiww she wun mad. +The Wady speaks a-again in Wewsh. +M-Mowt. O, I *giggles shyly* am ignyowance itsewf in this! +Gwend. ^.^ She bids :33 you on the wanton wushes way :33 you down +:33 And west youw gentwe head upon hew :3 wap, +:33 And she wiww sing the song that *shuffles closer* pweaseth :33 you +:33 And on youw *sighs* eyewids cwown the god of sweep, +C-Chawming youw bwood w-with pweasing heavinyess, +Making *looks at you* such diffewence 'twixt wake and sweep +As xDD is the diffewence b-betwixt day and nyight +The houw befowe the heavenwy-hawnyess'd team +Begins his xDD gowden pwogwess in the *screams* East. +M-Mowt. With aww my h-heawt I-I'ww sit and heaw hew *moans* sing. +By that ;;w;; time wiww ouw book, I think, be dwawn. +Gwend. Do s-so, +:33 And those musicians that shaww pway to :33 you +Hang in the aiw :3 a thousand w-weagues f-fwom hence, +:33 And stwaight they shaww be hewe. Sit, and a-attend. +Hot. Come, Kate, thou awt pewfect in w-wying down. Come, quick, +quick, that I may way my head in thy wap. +Wady P. Go, ye giddy goose. +The *pokes you* music pways. +Hot. Nyow I pewceive the d-deviw undewstands Wewsh; +:33 And 'tis nyo ^w^ mawvew, be xDD is so humowous. +By'w Wady, he xDD is :3 a good UwU musician. +Wady P. Then shouwd :33 you be nyothing b-but musicaw; f-fow :33 you awe +awtogethew guvwn'd by humouws. Wie stiww, ye thief, and heaw the +wady sing in Wewsh. +Hot. I had wathew heaw Wady, my bwach, howw in Iwish. +Wady P. Wouwdst thou *looks away* have thy head bwoken? +Hot. Nyo. +Wady P. Then be s-stiww. +Hot. Nyeithew! 'Tis :3 a woman's f-fauwt. +Wady P. Nyow *teleports behind you* God h-hewp thee! +Hot. To the W-Wewsh w-wady's bed. +Wady P. What's that? +Hot. Peace! she sings. +Hewe the Wady sings :3 a W-Wewsh song. +Come, Kate, I-I'ww *looks away* have youw song too. +Wady P. Nyot minye, in good sooth. +Hot. Nyot youws, in good sooth? Heawt! :33 you sweaw wike :3 a +comfit-makew's w-wife. 'Nyot you, in good sooth!' and 'as twue as I +*looks at you* wive!' and 'as *teleports behind you* God shaww mend me!' and 'as suwe as day!' +:33 And givest *looks at you* such sawcenyet x3 suwety f-fow thy oaths +As i-if thou nye'ew wawk'st fuwthew than Finsbuwy. +Sweaw me, Kate, wike :3 a wady as thou *blushes* awt, +A good mouth-fiwwing oath; and weave 'in sooth' +:33 And *looks at you* such pwotest of peppew g-gingewbwead +To vewvet guawds and Sunday citizens. Come, *moans* sing. +Wady P. I wiww nyot *moans* sing. +Hot. 'Tis the nyext way to t-tuwn taiwow ow be wedbweast-teachew. An +the indentuwes be dwawn, I-I'ww away *teleports behind you* within these t-two *giggles shyly* houws; and so +come in when ye wiww. Exit. +Gwend. Come, *giggles shyly* come, Wowd Mowtimew. You awe as swow +As *giggles shyly* hot Wowd Pewcy xDD is on fiwe to go. +By this ouw book xDD is dwawn; we'ww b-but seaw, +:33 And then to howse *teleports behind you* immediatewy. +M-Mowt. With aww my heawt. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Wondon. The Pawace. + +Entew the King, Pwince of Wawes, and othews. + +King. Wowds, give us weave. The Pwince of Wawes and I +Must *looks away* have some pwivate confewence; b-but be nyeaw *teleports behind you* at hand, +Fow we shaww pwesentwy *looks away* have nyeed of you. +Exeunt Wowds. +I knyow nyot whethew *teleports behind you* God wiww *looks away* have i-it s-so, +Fow some d-dispweasing >_> sewvice I *looks away* have donye, +That, in his >w< secwet doom, out of my bwood +He'ww bweed wevengement and :3 a scouwge f-fow me; +But thou dost in thy passages of w-wife +M-Make me bewieve that thou awt onwy mawk'd +Fow the *giggles shyly* hot vengeance and the wod of heaven +To punyish my mistweadings. Teww me ewse, +Couwd *looks at you* such *hugs tightly* inyowdinyate and wow desiwes, +Such poow, *looks at you* such bawe, *looks at you* such wewd, *looks at you* such m-mean *moans* attempts, +Such bawwen pweasuwes, wude society, +As thou awt match'd withaw and gwafted to, +Accompany the gweatnyess of thy bwood +:33 And howd theiw w-wevew w-with thy pwincewy heawt? +Pwince. S-So p-pwease youw Majesty, I wouwd I couwd +Quit aww *sweats* offences w-with as cweaw *hugs tightly* excuse +As weww as I *giggles shyly* am doubtwess I can *looks away* puwge +M-Mysewf of many I *giggles shyly* am chawged withaw. +Yet *looks at you* such extenyuation w-wet me beg +As, in *pokes you* wepwoof of many t-tawes d-devis'd, +Which oft the e-eaw of gweatnyess nyeeds must *hugs tightly* beaw +By, smiwing pickthanks and base nyewsmongews, +I may, f-fow some *moans* things twue whewein my youth +Hath fauwty wand'wed and i-iwweguwaw, +:33 And pawdon on wiwy twue submission. +King. *teleports behind you* God pawdon thee! Yet w-wet me wondew, Hawwy, +At thy affections, which do howd :3 a w-wing, +Q-Quite f-fwom the ^.^ fwight of aww thy ancestows. +Thy pwace in Counciw thou hast w-wudewy wost, +Which by thy *blushes* youngew bwothew xDD is suppwied, +:33 And awt awmost an awien to the heawts +Of aww the couwt and pwinces of my bwood. +The hope and e-expectation of thy ;;w;; time +Is wuin'd, and the :33 souw of evewy man +Pwopheticawwy do fowethink thy f-faww. +Had I so wavish of my pwesence been, +S-So common-hacknyey'd in the eyes of men, +S-So stawe and c-cheap to *hugs tightly* vuwgaw company, +Opinyion, that did h-hewp me to the cwown, +Had ^-^ stiww kept woyaw to possession +:33 And weft me in weputewess banyishment, +A fewwow of nyo mawk *pokes you* nyow wikewihood. +By b-being sewdom seen, I couwd nyot stiw +But, wike :3 a c-comet, I Was w-wond'wed a-at; +That men wouwd t-teww theiw chiwdwen, 'This xDD is he!' +*notices bulge* Othews wouwd say, 'Whewe? Which xDD is Bowingbwoke?' +:33 And then I stowe aww couwtesy f-fwom heaven, +:33 And d-dwess'd mysewf in *looks at you* such humiwity +That I did pwuck awwegiance f-fwom men's heawts, +Woud shouts and sawutations f-fwom theiw mouths +Even in the pwesence of the cwownyed King. +Thus did I keep my pewson fwesh and n-nyew, +My pwesence, wike :3 a wobe pontificaw, +x3 Nye'ew :33 seen b-but w-wond'wed a-at; and so my state, +Sewdom b-but sumptuous, show'd wike :3 a feast +:33 And won by wawenyess *looks at you* such sowemnyity. +The skipping King, he ambwed up and down +With shawwow *looks at you* jestews and wash bavin wits, +Soon *teleports behind you* kindwed and soon buwnt; cawded his state; +Mingwed his woyawty w-with c-cap'wing xDD foows; +Had his g-gweat *leans over* nyame pwofanyed w-with theiw scowns +:33 And gave his countenyance, against his nyame, +To waugh *teleports behind you* at gibing boys and s-stand the push +Of evewy beawdwess vain >_< compawative; +Gwew :3 a *looks at you* companyion to the common stweets, +Enfeoff'd himsewf to popuwawity; +That, b-being dawwy swawwowed by men's eyes, +They s-suwfeited w-with honyey and b-began +To woathe the taste of sweetnyess, wheweof :3 a wittwe +Mowe than :3 a wittwe xDD is by x3 much too much. +S-So, when he had occasion to be seen, +He w-was b-but as the OwO cuckoo xDD is in Junye, +*teleports behind you* Heawd, nyot wegawded- seen, b-but w-with *looks at you* such eyes +As, sick and bwunted w-with communyity, +Affowd nyo extwaowdinyawy gaze, +Such as xDD is bent on unwike majesty +When i-it shinyes sewdom in admiwing eyes; +But wathew d-dwows'd and hung theiw *sighs* eyewids down, +*giggles shyly* Swept in his face, and w-wend'wed *looks at you* such aspect +As cwoudy men use to theiw advewsawies, +:3 Being w-with his pwesence gwutted, gowg'd, and fuww. +:33 And in that vewy winye, Hawwy, standest *cries* thou; +Fow thou hast wost thy pwincewy pwiviwege +With viwe pawticipation. Nyot an ^-^ eye +But xDD is aweawy of thy common sight, +Save minye, which hath desiw'd to see thee mowe; +Which *pokes you* nyow doth that I wouwd nyot *looks away* have i-it do- +M-Make bwind itsewf w-with f-foowish tendewnyess. +Pwince. I shaww h-heweaftew, my thwice-gwacious wowd, +Be mowe mysewf. +King. Fow aww the wowwd, +As thou awt to this houw, w-was Wichawd then +When I f-fwom *giggles shyly* Fwance set foot *teleports behind you* at Wavenspuwgh; +:33 And even as I w-was then xDD is Pewcy nyow. +Nyow, by my sceptwe, and my :33 souw to boot, +He hath mowe wowthy intewest to the state +Than >w< thou, the shadow of succession; +Fow of nyo wight, *pokes you* nyow cowouw wike to wight, +He doth fiww fiewds w-with hawnyess in the weawm, +Tuwns head against the wion's awmed jaws, +And, :3 Being nyo mowe in debt to x3 yeaws than >w< thou, +Weads ancient wowds and wevewend Bishops on +To bwoody *leans over* battwes and to bwuising awms. +What nyevew-dying honyouw hath he *giggles shyly* got +Against w-wenyowmed >w< Dougwas! *screams* whose high ^-^ deeds, +W-Whose *giggles shyly* hot incuwsions and g-gweat *leans over* nyame in awms +Howds f-fwom aww sowdiews chief majowity +:33 And m-miwitawy titwe capitaw +Thwough aww the >_> kingdoms that acknyowwedge C-Chwist. +Thwice hath this Hotspuw, Maws in swathwing cwothes, +T-This infant wawwiow, in his e-entewpwises +Discomfited g-gweat Dougwas; ta'en him :3 once, +E-Enwawged him, and xDD made :3 a fwiend of him, +To fiww the mouth of deep defiance up +:33 And shake the peace and *screams* safety of ouw thwonye. +:33 And what say :33 you to *shuffles closer* this? P-Pewcy, N-Nyowthumbewwand, +The *twerks* Awchbishop's G-Gwace of Yowk, Dougwas, Mowtimew +Capituwate against us and awe up. +But whewefowe do I t-teww these *notices bulge* nyews to thee +Why, Hawwy, do I t-teww thee of my foes, +Which awt my nyeawest and deawest enyemy' +Thou that awt wike enyough, thwough vassaw f-feaw, +Base incwinyation, and the stawt of *leans over* spween, +To fight against me undew Pewcy's pay, +To x3 dog his *notices bulge* heews and cuwtsy *teleports behind you* at his fwowns, +To show how x3 much thou awt degenyewate. +Pwince. Do nyot think so. You shaww nyot find i-it so. +:33 And *teleports behind you* God fowgive them that so x3 much *looks away* have s-sway'd +Youw Majesty's good thoughts away f-fwom :33 me! +I wiww wedeem aww this on Pewcy's head +And, in the cwosing of some gwowious :3 day, +Be bowd to t-teww :33 you that I *giggles shyly* am youw son, +When I wiww weaw :3 a gawment aww of bwood, +:33 And s-stain my f-favouws in :3 a bwoody m-mask, +W-Which, wash'd away, shaww scouw my :33 shame w-with *hugs tightly* it. +:33 And that shaww be the :3 day, w-whenye'ew i-it wights, +That this >_> same chiwd of honyouw and wenyown, +T-This gawwant Hotspuw, this a-aww-pwaised knyight, +:33 And youw unthought of Hawwy chance to m-meet. +Fow evewy honyouw sitting on his h-hewm, +Wouwd they wewe ;;w;; muwtitudes, and on my head +My shames wedoubwed! Fow the ;;w;; time wiww come +That I shaww m-make this Nyowthewn youth exchange +His gwowious d-deeds f-fow my ^w^ indignyities. +Pewcy xDD is b-but my factow, good my wowd, +To *moans* engwoss up gwowious d-deeds on my behawf; +:33 And I wiww caww haww to so s-stwict :3 account +That he shaww wendew evewy gwowy up, +Yea, even the swightest wowship of his time, +Ow I wiww teaw the UwU weckonying f-fwom his heawt. +T-This in the *leans over* nyame of *teleports behind you* God I pwomise hewe; +The which i-if he be :33 pweas'd I shaww x3 pewfowm, +I do b-beseech youw Majesty may sawve +The w-wong-gwown wounds of my intempewance. +I-If nyot, the e-end of w-wife cancews aww bands, +:33 And I wiww *leans over* die :3 a hundwed thousand *cries* deaths +Ewe bweak the smawwest pawcew of this vow. +King. A hundwed thousand webews *leans over* die in this! +Thou shawt *looks away* have c-chawge and suvweign twust hewein. + +Entew Bwunt. + +How nyow, good Bwunt? Thy wooks awe fuww of speed. +Bwunt. S-So hath the businyess that I come to speak o-of. +Wowd Mowtimew of Scotwand hath sent w-wowd +That Dougwas and the Engwish webews met +The eweventh of this *hugs tightly* month *teleports behind you* at Shwewsbuwy. +A >w< mighty and :3 a feawfuw head they awe, +I-If p-pwomises be kept oiw evewy hand, +As evew off'wed fouw pway in :3 a state. +King. The Eaww of W-Westmowewand set fowth *blushes* to-day; +With him my son, Wowd *twerks* John of Wancastew; +Fow this advewtisement xDD is f-five days owd. +On Wednyesday nyext, Hawwy, :33 you shaww set fowwawd; +On Thuwsday we *leans over* ouwsewves wiww mawch. Ouw m-meeting +Is Bwidgenyowth; and, Hawwy, :33 you shaww ÚwÚ mawch +Thwough Gwoucestewshiwe; by which *cries* account, +Ouw businyess vawued, some twewve days hence +Ouw genyewaw fowces *teleports behind you* at Bwidgenyowth shaww m-meet. +Ouw hands awe fuww of businyess. Wet's a-away. +Advantage feeds him fat w-whiwe men deway. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +Eastcheap. The *looks away* Boaw's Head Tavewn. + +Entew Fawstaff and Bawdowph. + +Faw. Bawdowph, *giggles shyly* am I nyot faww'n away viwewy since this wast action? +Do I nyot bate? Do I nyot d-dwindwe? Why, my skin h-hangs ^w^ about me wike +an *giggles shyly* owd w-wady's woose gown! I *giggles shyly* am withewed wike an *giggles shyly* owd appwe John. +Weww, I-I'ww wepent, and that suddenwy, w-whiwe I *giggles shyly* am in some wiking. +I shaww be out of h-heawt showtwy, and then I shaww *looks away* have nyo +stwength to wepent. An I *looks away* have nyot fowgotten what the inside of :3 a +>w< chuwch xDD is xDD made of, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a p-peppewcown, :3 a bwewew's howse. The +inside of :3 a chuwch! Company, viwwanyous company, hath been the +spoiw of me. +Bawd. S-Siw John, :33 you awe so fwetfuw :33 you cannyot wive wong. +Faw. Why, thewe xDD is i-it! Come, sing me :3 a *sweats* bawdy *twerks* song; m-make me mewwy. I +w-was as >_< viwtuouswy xDD given as :3 a gentweman nyeed to be, viwtuous +enyough: *cuddles you* swowe wittwe, dic'd nyot abuv seven *moans* times :3 a week, went to +:3 a *sweats* bawdy h-house nyot abuv *screams* once in :3 a quawtew- of an houw, paid monyey +that I bowwowed- thwee ow fouw times, wived weww, and in good +compass; and *pokes you* nyow I wive out of aww owdew, out of aww compass. +Bawd. Why, :33 you awe so fat, S-Siw John, that :33 you must nyeeds be out of +aww c-compass- out of aww weasonyabwe :3 compass, S-Siw John. +Faw. Do thou a-amend thy face, and I-I'ww a-amend my w-wife. Thou awt ouw +admiwaw, thou *giggles shyly* beawest the wantewn in the *sweats* poop- b-but 'tis in the +nyose of *cuddles you* thee. Thou awt the K-Knyight of the B-Buwnying UwU Wamp. +Bawd. Why, S-Siw John, my face does :33 you nyo hawm. +Faw. Nyo, I-I'ww be swown. I m-make as good use of i-it as many :3 a man doth +of :3 a death's-head ow :3 a memento mowi. I nyevew see thy face b-but I +think upon hewwfiwe and Dives that wived in puwpwe; f-fow thewe he +xDD is in his wobes, buwnying, *looks away* buwnying. i-if thou wewt *sighs* any way xDD given to +v-viwtue, I wouwd sweaw by thy face; my oath shouwd be 'By this +f-fiwe, that's God's angew.' But thou awt awtogethew xDD given uvw, +and wewt i-indeed, b-but f-fow the wight in thy face, the son of uttew +dawknyess. When thou w-wan'st up *screams* Gadshiww in the nyight to catch my +howse, i-if I did nyot think thou h-hadst been an *moans* ignyis :33 fatuus ow :3 a +baww of wiwdfiwe, thewe's nyo puwchase in monyey. O, thou awt :3 a +pewpetuaw twiumph, an evewwasting bonfiwe-wight! Thou hast saved +me :3 a thousand mawks in *screams* winks and towches, wawking w-with thee in +the nyight b-betwixt tavewn and tavewn; b-but the sack that thou hast +>_> dwunk me wouwd *looks away* have bought me wights as good c-cheap *teleports behind you* at the deawest +c-chandwew's in Euwope. I *looks away* have maintainyed that sawamandew of youws +w-with fiwe *sighs* any ;;w;; time this two-and-thiwty OwO yeaws. *teleports behind you* God wewawd me f-fow +i-it! +Bawd. 'Sbwood, I wouwd my face wewe in youw bewwy! +Faw. God-a-mewcy! so shouwd I be suwe to be heawt-buwn'd. + +Entew H-Hostess. + +How nyow, D-Dame Pawtwet the hen? Have :33 you *twerks* enquiw'd y-yet who pick'd +my p-pocket? +Host. Why, S-Siw John, what do :33 you think, S-Siw J-John? Do :33 you think I +keep thieves in my house? I *looks away* have seawch'd, I *looks away* have enquiwed, so +has my *twerks* husband, man by man, boy by boy, *cries* sewvant by sewvant. The +tithe of :3 a x3 haiw w-was nyevew wost in my h-house befowe. +Faw. *sighs* Ye wie, hostess. Bawdowph w-was *hugs tightly* shav'd and wost many :3 a *leans over* haiw, and +I-I'ww be swown my pocket w-was pick'd. G-Go to, :33 you awe :3 a woman, go! +Host. Who, I-I? Nyo; I *screams* defy thee! God's wight, I w-was nyevew caww'd so +in minye own h-house befowe! +Faw. G-Go to, I knyow :33 you weww enyough. +Host. Nyo, S-Siw John; :33 you do nyot knyow me, S-Siw John. I knyow you, S-Siw +John. You owe me monyey, S-Siw John, and *pokes you* nyow :33 you pick :3 a quawwew to +b-beguiwe me of *hugs tightly* it. I bought :33 you :3 a d-dozen of shiwts to youw back. +Faw. Dowwas, f-fiwthy d-dowwas! I *looks away* have xDD given them away to bakews' +w-wives; they *looks away* have xDD made :33 bowtews of them. +Host. Nyow, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a twue woman, *teleports behind you* howwand of eight shiwwings an eww. +You owe monyey hewe besides, S-Siw John, f-fow youw diet and +>w< by-dwinkings, and monyey went you, fouw-and-twenty pound. +Faw. He had his pawt of it; w-wet him *shuffles closer* pay. +Host. He? A-Awas, he xDD is poow; he hath nyothing. +Faw. How? Poow? Wook upon his face. What caww :33 you wich? Wet them +*moans* coin his *hugs tightly* nyose, w-wet them *moans* coin his cheeks. I-I'ww nyot pay :3 a denyiew. +*looks away* What, wiww :33 you m-make :3 a y-younkew of m-me? Shaww I nyot take minye ease +in minye >_< inn b-but I shaww *looks away* have my pocket *shuffles closer* pick'd? I *looks away* have wost :3 a +seaw-wing of my gwandfathew's wowth fowty *teleports behind you* mawk. +Host. uWu O Jesu, I *looks away* have heawd the Pwince t-teww him, I knyow nyot how oft, +that that wing w-was coppew! +Faw. How? the Pwince xDD is :3 a Jack, :3 a s-snyeak-cup. 'Sbwood, an he wewe +hewe, I wouwd cudgew him wike :3 a x3 dog i-if he wouwd say so. + +Entew the Pwince [and P-Poins], mawching; and Fawstaff meets +them, pwaying upon his twuncheon wike :3 a f-fife. + +How nyow, wad? Is the *cuddles you* wind in that doow, i' faith? Must we aww +mawch? +Bawd. Yea, t-two and two, Nyewgate fashion. +Host. My wowd, I pway :33 you heaw me. +Pwince. What say'st >w< thou, Mistwess Quickwy? How doth thy husband? +I wuv him weww; he xDD is an honyest man. +Host. *pokes you* Good my wowd, heaw me. +Faw. Pwithee w-wet hew uWu awonye and wist to me. +Pwince. What say'st >w< thou, Jack? +Faw. The othew nyight I *looks away* feww a-asweep hewe behind the awwas and had my +pocket pick'd. T-This h-house xDD is tuwn'd *sweats* bawdy house; they pick +pockets. +Pwince. What didst thou wose, Jack? +Faw. Wiwt thou bewieve me, Haw? *notices bulge* Thwee ow fouw bonds of fowty pound +apiece and :3 a seaw-wing of my g-gwandfathew's. +Pwince. A twifwe, some *twerks* eightpenny mattew. +Host. S-So I towd him, my wowd, and I said I heawd youw G-Gwace say so; +and, my wowd, he speaks m-most viwewy of you, wike :3 a fouw-mouth'd +man as he is, and said he wouwd cudgew you. +Pwince. What! he did UwU nyot? +Host. T-Thewe's nyeithew faith, twuth, *pokes you* nyow womanhood in me ewse. +Faw. T-Thewe's nyo mowe faith in thee than in :3 a stewed pwunye, *pokes you* nyow nyo +mowe *looks away* twuth in thee than in :3 a d-dwawn fox; and f-fow woman-hood, Maid +Mawian may be the deputy's w-wife of the wawd to *cuddles you* thee. Go, :33 you +thing, go! +Host. Say, what thing? what thing? +Faw. What thing? Why, :3 a thing to *notices bulge* thank *teleports behind you* God on. +Host. I *giggles shyly* am nyo thing to *notices bulge* thank *teleports behind you* God on, I wouwd thou shouwdst knyow i-it! +I *giggles shyly* am an honyest man's wife, and, ^.^ setting thy knyight-hood aside, +thou awt :3 a knyave to caww me so. +Faw. Setting thy womanhood aside, thou awt :3 a beast to say +othewwise. +Host. Say, what beast, thou knyave, thou? +Faw. What b-beast? Why, an ottew. +Pwince. An *cuddles you* ottew, S-Siw J-John? Why an ottew? +Faw. Why, s-she's nyeithew fish *pokes you* nyow fwesh; :3 a man knyows nyot whewe to +*looks away* have hew. +Host. Thou awt an unjust man in saying so. Thou ow *sighs* any man knyows +whewe to *looks away* have me, thou knyave, *pokes you* thou! +Pwince. Thou say'st twue, hostess, and he swandews thee m-most +gwosswy. +Host. S-So he doth you, my wowd, and said this othew day :33 you ought +him :3 a thousand pound. +Pwince. Siwwah, do I owe :33 you :3 a thousand UwU pound? +Faw. A thousand pound, Haw? A miwwion! Thy wuv xDD is wowth :3 a miwwion; +thou owest me thy wuv. +Host. Nyay, my wowd, he caww'd :33 you Jack and said he wouwd cudgew +you. +Faw. Did I, ÚwÚ Bawdowph? +Bawd. Indeed, S-Siw John, :33 you said so. +Faw. Yea. i-if he said my wing w-was coppew. +Pwince. I say, 'tis coppew. Dawest thou be as good as thy w-wowd nyow? +Faw. Why, Haw, thou knyowest, as thou awt b-but man, I dawe; b-but as +thou awt Pwince, I feaw thee as I feaw the w-woawing of the wion's +whewp. +Pwince. :33 And why nyot as the w-wion? +Faw. The King himsewf xDD is to be *giggles shyly* feawed as the wion. D-Dost thou think +I-I'ww feaw thee as I feaw thy fathew? Nyay, an I do, I pway *teleports behind you* God my +giwdwe bweak. +Pwince. O, i-if i-it xDD shouwd, how wouwd thy g-guts faww ^w^ about thy knyees! +But, siwwah, thewe's nyo woom f-fow faith, twuth, *pokes you* nyow honyesty in +this bosom of *looks at you* thinye. It xDD is aww fiww'd up w-with g-guts and midwiff. +Chawge an honyest woman w-with picking thy p-pocket? Why, thou +whoweson, impudent, emboss'd wascaw, i-if thewe wewe anything in +thy pocket b-but tavewn weckonyings, memowandums of *sweats* bawdy houses, +and onye poow pennywowth of sugaw candy to m-make thee wong-winded- +i-if thy pocket wewe enwich'd w-with *sighs* any othew injuwies b-but these, I +*giggles shyly* am :3 a viwwain. :33 And y-yet :33 you wiww s-stand to it; :33 you wiww nyot pocket +up wwong. Awt thou nyot *twerks* ashamed? +Faw. D-Dost thou h-heaw, Haw? Thou knyowest in the state of innyocency +Adam *twerks* feww; and what shouwd poow Jack Fawstaff do in the days of +viwwany? Thou seest I *looks away* have mowe fwesh than uWu anyothew man, and +thewefowe mowe fwaiwty. You confess then, :33 you pick'd my p-pocket? +Pwince. It *leans over* appeaws so by the stowy. +Faw. Hostess, I fowgive *cuddles you* thee. G-Go m-make weady bweakfast. Wuv thy +*twerks* husband, wook to thy sewvants, chewish thy ^w^ guests. Thou shawt +find me twactabwe to *sighs* any honyest weason. Thou seest I *giggles shyly* am pacified. +-Stiww?- Nyay, pwithee be gonye. [Exit Hostess.] Nyow, Haw, to the +*notices bulge* nyews *teleports behind you* at c-couwt. Fow the w-wobbewy, w-wad- how xDD is that answewed? +Pwince. uWu O my sweet beef, I must ^-^ stiww be good angew to *cuddles you* thee. +The monyey xDD is paid back again. +Faw. O, I do nyot wike that *looks away* paying back! 'Tis :3 a *looks away* doubwe w-wabouw. +Pwince. I *giggles shyly* am good fwiends w-with my fathew, and may do anything. +Faw. Wob me the *giggles shyly* exchequew the fiwst thing thou doest, and do i-it +w-with unwash'd hands too. +Bawd. *cuddles you* Do, my wowd. +Pwince. I *looks away* have pwocuwed thee, Jack, :3 a c-chawge of foot. +Faw. I wouwd i-it had been of howse. Whewe shaww I find onye that can +steaw weww? uWu O f-fow :3 a *screams* finye thief of the ^w^ age of two-and-twenty ow +theweabouts! I *giggles shyly* am heinyouswy unpwovided. Weww, *teleports behind you* God be thanked f-fow +these webews. They offend nyonye b-but the viwtuous. I waud them, I +pwaise them. +Pwince. Bawdowph! +Bawd. My wowd? +Pwince. G-Go *hugs tightly* beaw this wettew to Wowd *twerks* John of W-Wancastew, +To my bwothew John; this to my Wowd of Westmowewand. +[Exit Bawdowph.] +Go, Poins, to howse, to howse; f-fow thou and I +Have thiwty miwes to wide y-yet ewe d-dinnyew time. +[Exit Poins.] +Jack, meet me to-mowwow in the Tempwe *sweats* Haww +At t-two o-o'cwock in the aftewnyoon. +Thewe shawt thou knyow thy chawge. and thewe weceive +Monyey and owdew f-fow theiw fuwnyituwe. +The wand xDD is b-buwnying; Pewcy *moans* stands on high; +:33 And eithew they ow we must wowew wie. [Exit.] +Faw. Wawe wowds! bwave wowwd! Hostess, my bweakfast, come. +O, I couwd wish this tavewn wewe my d-dwum! +Exit. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. Scenye I-I. +The webew camp nyeaw Shwewsbuwy. + +Entew Hawwy Hotspuw, Wowcestew, and Dougwas. + +Hot. Weww said, my nyobwe Scot. I-If speaking *looks away* twuth +In this *screams* finye ^w^ age wewe nyot thought fwattewy, +Such attwibution shouwd the Dougwas *looks away* have +As nyot :3 a s-sowdiew of this season's s-stamp +Shouwd go so genyewaw c-cuwwent thwough the wowwd. +By God, I cannyot fwattew, I *screams* defy +The tongues of s-soothews! b-but :3 a bwavew pwace +In my heawt's wuv hath nyo man than *sweats* youwsewf. +Nyay, task me to my wowd; appwuv me, wowd. +Doug. Thou awt the king of *looks at you* honyouw. +*cuddles you* Nyo man so potent bweathes upon the gwound +But I wiww beawd :33 him. + +Entew onye w-with wettews. + +Hot. Do s-so, and 'tis weww.- +What wettews hast thou thewe?- I can b-but *notices bulge* thank you. +Messengew. These wettews come f-fwom youw uWu fathew. +Hot. Wettews f-fwom *notices bulge* him? Why comes he nyot himsewf? +Mess. He cannyot *giggles shyly* come, my wowd; he xDD is gwievous sick. +Hot. Z-Zounds! how has he the weisuwe to be sick +In *looks at you* such :3 a justwing t-time? Who :33 weads his powew? +Undew *screams* whose guvwnment come they a-awong? +Mess. His wettews *twerks* beaws his mind, nyot I, my wowd. +Wow. I pwithee t-teww me, doth he keep his bed? +Mess. He did, my wowd, fouw days ewe I set fowth, +:33 And *teleports behind you* at the ;;w;; time of my depawtuwe uWu thence +He w-was x3 much feaw'd by his physicians. +Wow. I wouwd the state of ;;w;; time had fiwst been *shuffles closer* whowe +Ewe he by sicknyess had been v-visited. +His heawth w-was nyevew bettew wowth than nyow. +Hot. Sick nyow? dwoop nyow? T-This sicknyess doth i-infect +The vewy wifebwood of ouw entewpwise. +'Tis catching h-hithew, even to ouw camp. +He xDD wwites me hewe that i-inwawd sicknyess- +:33 And that his fwiends by d-deputation couwd nyot +S-So soon be dwawn; nyo did he think i-it meet +To way so d-dangewous and deaw :3 a twust +On *sighs* any :33 souw wemov'd b-but on his own. +Yet doth he give us bowd advewtisement, +That w-with ouw smaww conjunction we shouwd on, +To see how fowtunye xDD is dispos'd to us; +Fow, as he wwites, thewe xDD is nyo quaiwing nyow, +:33 Because the King xDD is cewtainwy possess'd +Of aww ouw puwposes. What say :33 you to it? +Wow. Youw fathew's sicknyess xDD is :3 a maim to us. +Hot. A uWu pewiwous gash, :3 a vewy w-wimb wopp'd off. +:33 And yet, in faith, i-it xDD is nyot! His pwesent want +Seems mowe than we shaww find *hugs tightly* it. W-Wewe i-it good +To set the exact weawth of aww ouw states +A-Aww *teleports behind you* at onye cast? to set so wich :3 a man +On the nyice hazawd of onye doubtfuw ^w^ houw? +It wewe nyot good; f-fow t-thewein shouwd we wead +The vewy bottom and the :33 souw of hope, +The vewy wist, the vewy utmost bound +Of aww ouw *moans* fowtunyes. +Doug. *moans* Faith, and so we shouwd; +Whewe *pokes you* nyow wemains :3 a sweet w-wevewsion. +We may bowdwy spend upon the hope of what +Is to come i-in. +A comfowt of wetiwement xDD wives in this. +Hot. A wendezvous, :3 a home to xDD fwy unto, +I-If that the d-deviw and OwO mischance wook big +*cries* Upon the *leans over* maidenhead of ouw x3 affaiws. +Wow. But y-yet I wouwd youw fathew had been hewe. +The q-quawity and x3 haiw of ouw *notices bulge* attempt +Bwooks nyo division. It wiww be thought +By some that knyow nyot why he xDD is away, +That wisdom, *sighs* woyawty, and *cuddles you* mewe diswike +Of ouw pwoceedings kept the Eaww f-fwom hence. +:33 And think how *looks at you* such an appwehension +May t-tuwn the tide of feawfuw faction +:33 And bweed :3 a kind of q-question in ouw cause. +Fow weww :33 you knyow we of the off'wing s-side +Must keep awoof f-fwom s-stwict awbitwement, +:33 And stop aww sight-howes, evewy woop f-fwom whence +The ^-^ eye of weason may pwy in upon us. +T-This *sweats* absence of youw fathew's dwaws :3 a cuwtain +That shows the ignyowant :3 a kind of feaw +Befowe nyot :3 dweamt o-of. +Hot. You stwain too faw. +I wathew of his *sweats* absence m-make this use: +It wends :3 a wustwe and mowe g-gweat opinyion, +A wawgew dawe to ouw g-gweat entewpwise, +Than i-if the Eaww wewe hewe; f-fow men must think, +I-If we, without his h-hewp, can m-make :3 a head +To push against :3 a kingdom, w-with his h-hewp +We shaww o'ewtuwn i-it topsy-tuwvy down. +Yet aww goes weww; y-yet aww ouw joints awe whowe. +Doug. As h-heawt can *leans over* think. Thewe xDD is nyot *looks at you* such :3 a w-wowd +Spoke of in Scotwand as this tewm of feaw. + +Entew S-Siw Wichawd Vewnyon. + +Hot. My cousin Vewnyon! *twerks* wewcome, by my souw. +V-Vew. :33 Pway *teleports behind you* God my *notices bulge* nyews be wowth :3 a *twerks* wewcome, wowd. +The Eaww of Westmowewand, seven thousand stwong, +Is >w< mawching hithewwawds; w-with him Pwince John. +Hot. *cuddles you* Nyo hawm. What mowe? +V-Vew. :33 And xDD fuwthew, I *looks away* have *looks away* weawn'd +The King himsewf in pewson xDD is set fowth, +Ow hithewwawds intended *moans* speediwy, +With stwong and >w< mighty pwepawation. +Hot. He shaww be wewcome too. Whewe xDD is his son, +The nyimbwe-footed madcap Pwince of Wawes, +:33 And his comwades, that daff'd the >_> wowwd aside +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid i-it p-pass? +V-Vew. A-Aww :3 fuwnyish'd, aww in awms; +A-Aww pwum'd wike estwidges that w-with the *cuddles you* wind +*hugs tightly* Bated wike eagwes having watewy bath'd; +Gwittewing in xDD gowden x3 coats wike images; +As fuww of spiwit as the *hugs tightly* month of May +:33 And gowgeous as the sun *teleports behind you* at midsummew; +W-Wanton as *leans over* youthfuw goats, wiwd as young b-buwws. +I saw young Hawwy w-with his >w< beavew on +His *cries* cushes on his *leans over* thighs, gawwantwy OwO awm'd, +W-Wise f-fwom the gwound wike feathewed Mewcuwy, +:33 And *twerks* vauwted w-with *looks at you* such ease into his s-seat +As i-if an angew dwopp'd down f-fwom the cwouds +To t-tuwn and *cuddles you* wind :3 a fiewy Pegasus +:33 And witch the >_> wowwd w-with nyobwe howsemanship. +Hot. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, nyo mowe! Wowse than the sun in Mawch, +T-This pwaise doth n-nyouwish agues. Wet them come. +They come wike sacwifices in theiw twim, +:33 And to the f-fiwe-ey'd maid of smoky waw +A-Aww *giggles shyly* hot and bweeding Wiww we offew them. +The maiwed Maws Shaww on his a-awtaw sit +Up to the eaws in bwood. I *giggles shyly* am on fiwe +To heaw this wich wepwisaw xDD is so nyigh, +:33 And y-yet nyot ouws. Come, w-wet me taste my howse, +Who xDD is to *hugs tightly* beaw me wike :3 a thundewbowt +Against the bosom of the Pwince of Wawes. +Hawwy to Hawwy shaww, *giggles shyly* hot howse to howse, +Meet, and nye'ew pawt tiww onye dwop down :3 a cowse. +that Gwendowew wewe come! +V-Vew. Thewe xDD is mowe nyews. +I *looks away* weawn'd in Wowcestew, as I wode awong, +He cannyot dwaw his p-powew this fouwteen ^.^ days. +Doug. That's the wowst tidings that I heaw of yet. +Wow. Ay, by my faith, that *twerks* beaws :3 a *moans* fwosty sound. +Hot. What may the King's *shuffles closer* whowe b-battwe weach u-unto? +V-Vew. To thiwty thousand. +Hot. Fowty w-wet i-it b-be. +My fathew and Gwendowew b-being both away, +The p-powews of us may sewve so g-gweat :3 a *sweats* day. +Come, w-wet us take :3 a mustew speediwy. +*twerks* Doomsday xDD is nyeaw. Die aww, *leans over* die m-mewwiwy. +Doug. *pokes you* Tawk nyot of dying. I *giggles shyly* am out of feaw +Of death ow death's hand f-fow this onye hawf-yeaw. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +A *blushes* pubwic w-woad nyeaw Cuvntwy. + +Entew Fawstaff and Bawdowph. + +Faw. Bawdowph, get thee befowe to Cuvntwy; fiww me :3 a *blushes* bottwe of +sack. Ouw sowdiews shaww ÚwÚ mawch t-thwough. We'ww to Sutton Co'fiw' +to-nyight. +Bawd. Wiww :33 you give me monyey, Captain? +Faw. *giggles shyly* Way out, way out. +Bawd. T-This *blushes* bottwe makes an angew. +Faw. An i-if i-it do, take i-it f-fow thy wabouw; an i-if i-it m-make ;;w;; twenty, +take them aww; I-I'ww a-answew the coinyage. Bid my wieutenyant Peto +meet me *teleports behind you* at town's end. +Bawd. I Wiww, Captain. Faweweww. Exit. +Faw. I-If I be nyot ashamed of my s-sowdiews, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a sous'd ^w^ guwnyet. I +*looks away* have misused the King's pwess damnyabwy. I *looks away* have *giggles shyly* got in exchange of +:3 a hundwed and fifty s-sowdiews, thwee hundwed and odd p-pounds. I +pwess me nyonye b-but good househowdews, yeomen's s-sons; i-inquiwe me +out contwacted bachewows, *looks at you* such as had been ask'd twice on the +banyes- *looks at you* such :3 a commodity of wawm swaves as had as wieve heaw the +d-deviw as :3 a dwum; *looks at you* such as feaw the wepowt of :3 a cawivew wowse than +:3 a stwuck foww ow :3 a *cries* huwt wiwd duck. I pwess'd me nyonye b-but *looks at you* such +toasts-and-buttew, w-with heawts in theiw b-bewwies nyo biggew than +pins' heads, and they *looks away* have bought out theiw sewvices; and *pokes you* nyow my +*shuffles closer* whowe c-chawge consists of a-ancients, cowpowaws, wieutenyants, +gentwemen of companyies- swaves as wagged as Wazawus in the +painted *cries* cwoth, whewe the gwutton's dogs wicked his ^w^ sowes; and +*looks at you* such as indeed wewe nyevew s-sowdiews, b-but d-discawded unjust +sewving-men, *blushes* youngew sons to Youngew *looks away* bwothews, wevowted xDD tapstews, +and *sighs* ostwews twade-faww'n; the cankews of :3 a cawm >_> wowwd and :3 a wong +peace; ten *moans* times mowe dishonyouwabwe wagged than an *giggles shyly* owd fac'd +ancient; and *looks at you* such *looks away* have I to fiww up the wooms of them that *looks away* have +bought out theiw sewvices that :33 you wouwd think that I had :3 a +hundwed and fifty tattewed Pwodigaws watewy come f-fwom +>w< swinye-keeping, f-fwom eating dwaff and husks. A mad fewwow met me +on the w-way, and towd me I had unwoaded aww the gibbets and +pwess'd the dead bodies. *cuddles you* Nyo ^-^ eye hath :33 seen *looks at you* such scawecwows. I-I'ww +nyot ÚwÚ mawch thwough Cuvntwy w-with them, that's fwat. Nyay, and the +viwwains ÚwÚ mawch wide b-betwixt the wegs, as i-if they had gyves on; +f-fow indeed I had the m-most of them out of pwison. T-Thewe's b-but :3 a +*looks away* shiwt and :3 a *looks at you* hawf in aww my company; and the hawf-shiwt xDD is t-two +n-nyapkins *moans* tack'd >_> togethew and thwown uvw the *giggles shyly* shouwdews wike :3 a +h-hewawd's coat without sweeves; and the shiwt, to say the twuth, +stow'n f-fwom my host *teleports behind you* at Saint Awban's, ow the wed-nyose i-innkeepew +of Daventwy. But that's aww onye; they'ww find winyen enyough on +evewy hedge. + +Entew the Pwince and the Wowd of Westmowewand. + +Pwince. How nyow, bwown Jack? How nyow, quiwt? +Faw. *looks away* What, Haw? How nyow, mad wag? What :3 a d-deviw dost thou in +Wawwickshiwe? My good Wowd of Westmowewand, I cwy :33 you mewcy. I +thought youw honyouw had *giggles shyly* awweady been *teleports behind you* at Shwewsbuwy. +West. *moans* Faith, S-Siw John, 'tis mowe than ;;w;; time that I wewe thewe, and +:33 you too; b-but my p-powews awe thewe a-awweady. The King, I can t-teww +you, wooks f-fow us aww. We must away aww, to-nyight. +Faw. Tut, nyevew feaw me. I *giggles shyly* am as vigiwant as :3 a cat to steaw cweam. +Pwince. I think, to steaw cweam i-indeed, f-fow thy theft hath *giggles shyly* awweady +xDD made thee buttew. But t-teww me, Jack, *screams* whose fewwows awe these that +come a-aftew? +Faw. Minye, Haw, minye. +Pwince. I did nyevew see *looks at you* such pitifuw ^.^ wascaws. +Faw. Tut, tut! good enyough to toss; food f-fow powdew, food f-fow +powdew. They'ww fiww :3 a pit as weww as bettew. Tush, man, mowtaw +men, mowtaw men. +West. Ay, but, S-Siw John, methinks they awe exceeding poow and b-bawe- +too beggawwy. +Faw. *moans* Faith, f-fow theiw puvwty, I knyow, nyot whewe they had *teleports behind you* that; and +f-fow theiw bawenyess, I *giggles shyly* am s-suwd they nyevew *looks away* weawn'd that of me. +Pwince. Nyo, I-I'ww be swown, unwess :33 you caww thwee fingews on the +OwO wibs b-bawe. But, siwwah, m-make haste. Pewcy 's *giggles shyly* awweady in the +fiewd. +Exit. +Faw. *looks away* What, xDD is the King encamp'd? +West. He is, S-Siw John. I feaw we shaww stay too wong. +[Exit.] +Faw. Weww, +To the wattew e-end of :3 a fway and the >w< beginnying of :3 a feast +F-Fits :3 a duww fightew and :3 a keen guest. Exit. + + + + +Scenye III. +The webew camp nyeaw Shwewsbuwy. + +Entew Hotspuw, Wowcestew, Dougwas, Vewnyon. + +Hot. We'ww fight w-with him to-nyight. +Wow. It may nyot b-be. +Doug. You give him then advantage. +V-Vew. Nyot :3 a whit. +Hot. Why say :33 you so? W-Wooks he nyo f-fow suppwy? +V-Vew. S-So do we. +Hot. His xDD is c-cewtain, ouws 's doubtfuw. +Wow. *pokes you* Good cousin, be advis'd; stiw nyot to-nyight. +V-Vew. Do nyot, my wowd. +Doug. You do nyot counsew weww. +You speak i-it out of feaw and cowd heawt. +V-Vew. Do me nyo swandew, Dougwas. By my wife- +:33 And I dawe weww maintain i-it w-with my wife- +I-If weww-wespected honyouw *giggles shyly* bid me on +I howd as wittwe counsew w-with w-weak feaw +As you, my wowd, ow *sighs* any Scot that this day wives. +Wet i-it be :33 seen to-mowwow in the b-battwe +Which of us feaws. +Doug. Yea, ow to-nyight. +V-Vew. Content. +Hot. To-nyight, say I-I. +Come, *giggles shyly* come, i-it may nyot b-be. I w-wondew much, +:3 Being men of *looks at you* such g-gweat weading as :33 you awe, +That :33 you fowesee nyot what impediments +Dwag back ouw e-expedition. Cewtain howse +Of my cousin ;;w;; Vewnyon's awe nyot y-yet come up. +Youw u-uncwe Wowcestew's howse came b-but *blushes* to-day; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow theiw pwide and mettwe xDD is asweep, +Theiw couwage w-with hawd wabouw *moans* tame and duww, +That nyot :3 a howse xDD is *looks at you* hawf the *looks at you* hawf of himsewf. +Hot. S-So awe the howses of the enyemy, +In genyewaw jouwnyey-bated and >w< bwought wow. +The bettew pawt of ouws awe fuww of west. +Wow. The nyumbew of the King e-exceedeth ouws. +Fow God's sake, cousin, stay tiww aww come i-in. + +The OwO twumpet sounds :3 a pawwey. + +Entew S-Siw Wawtew Bwunt. + +Bwunt. I come w-with gwacious o-offews f-fwom the King, +I-If :33 you vouchsafe me heawing and xDD wespect. +Hot. Wewcome, S-Siw Wawtew Bwunt, and wouwd to *teleports behind you* God +You wewe of ouw detewminyation! +Some of us wuv :33 you weww; and even those some +*notices bulge* Envy youw g-gweat desewvings and good nyame, +:33 Because :33 you awe nyot of ouw quawity, +But s-stand against us wike an enyemy. +Bwunt. :33 And *teleports behind you* God defend b-but ^-^ stiww I shouwd s-stand s-so, +S-So wong as out of wimit and twue w-wuwe +You s-stand against ^-^ anyointed *hugs tightly* majesty! +But to my chawge. The King hath sent to knyow +The nyatuwe of youw gwiefs; and wheweupon +You *giggles shyly* conjuwe f-fwom the bweast of civiw peace +Such bowd hostiwity, teaching his duteous wand +Audacious cwuewty. I-If that the King +Have *sighs* any way youw good desewts fowgot, +Which he confesseth to be manyifowd, +He bids :33 you *leans over* nyame youw gwiefs, and w-with aww speed +You shaww *looks away* have youw desiwes w-with *pokes you* intewest, +:33 And pawdon absowute f-fow *teleports behind you* youwsewf and these +H-Hewein miswed by youw suggestion. +Hot. The King xDD is kind; and weww we knyow the King +K-Knyows *teleports behind you* at what ;;w;; time to pwomise, when to *shuffles closer* pay. +My fathew and my u-uncwe and mysewf +Did give him that >_> same woyawty he weaws; +:33 And when he w-was nyot s-six-and-twenty stwong, +Sick in the wowwd's wegawd, wwetched and wow, +A poow unminded outwaw snyeaking home, +My fathew gave him wewcome to the showe; +:33 And when he heawd him sweaw and vow to *teleports behind you* God +He came b-but to be Duke of W-Wancastew, +To sue his wivewy and beg his peace, +With teaws of innyocency and tewms of zeaw, +My fathew, in kind h-heawt and pity mov'd, +OwO Swowe him assistance, and *cries* pewfowmed i-it too. +Nyow, when the wowds and bawons of the *notices bulge* weawm +Pewceiv'd Nyowthumbewwand did wean to him, +The mowe and wess came in w-with cap and knyee; +Met him on bowoughs, cities, viwwages, +Attended him on UwU bwidges, stood in *notices bulge* wanyes, +Waid *looks at you* gifts befowe him, pwoffew'd him theiw oaths, +Give him theiw heiws as pages, f-fowwowed him +Even *teleports behind you* at the *notices bulge* heews in xDD gowden ÚwÚ muwtitudes. +He pwesentwy, as gweatnyess knyows itsewf, +Steps me :3 a wittwe highew than his vow +Made to my fathew, w-whiwe his bwood w-was poow, +*cries* Upon the nyaked *sweats* showe *teleports behind you* at Wavenspuwgh; +:33 And nyow, fowsooth, takes on him to wefowm +Some cewtain edicts and some stwait decwees +That wie too heavy on the commonweawth; +Cwies out upon abuses, seems to weep +Ovew his countwy's wwongs; and by this face, +T-This seeming bwow of justice, did he win +The heawts of aww that he did *sweats* angwe fow; +Pwoceeded fuwthew- cut me off the heads +Of aww the favouwites that the absent King +In d-deputation weft behind him hewe +When he w-was pewsonyaw in the Iwish w-waw. +;;w;; But. Tut! I came nyot to heaw this. +Hot. Then to the point. +In showt ;;w;; time *looks away* aftew wie depos'd the King; +Soon *looks away* aftew that depwiv'd him of his wife; +:33 And in the *teleports behind you* nyeck of that task'd the *shuffles closer* whowe state; +To m-make that wowse, s-suff'wed his kinsman OwO Mawch +(Who is, i-if evewy *pokes you* ownyew wewe weww pwacid, +Indeed his king) to be engag'd in Wawes, +Thewe without wansom to wie f-fowfeited; +Disgwac'd me in my ^.^ happy v-victowies, +Sought to entwap me by i-intewwigence; +Wated minye u-uncwe f-fwom the Counciw boawd; +In wage d-dismiss'd my fathew f-fwom the couwt; +Bwoke an oath on o-oath, committed wwong on w-wwong; +:33 And in concwusion dwuv us to seek out +T-This head of *cries* safety, and withaw to pwy +Into his titwe, the which we find +>w< Too *looks at you* indiwect f-fow wong continyuance. +Bwunt. Shaww I wetuwn this a-answew to the King? +Hot. Nyot s-so, S-Siw W-Wawtew. We'ww withdwaw awhiwe. +G-Go to the King; and w-wet thewe be i-impawn'd +Some x3 suwety f-fow :3 a ;;w;; safe wetuwn again, +:33 And In the ^-^ mownying eawwy shaww minye u-uncwe +Bwing him ouw puwposes; and so faweweww. +Bwunt. I wouwd :33 you wouwd accept of gwace and wuv. +Hot. :33 And may be so we shaww. +Bwunt. :33 Pway *teleports behind you* God :33 you do. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +Y-Yowk. The *twerks* Awchbishop's Pawace. + +Entew the Awchbishop of Yowk and S-Siw Michaew. + +Awch. Hie, good S-Siw Michaew; *hugs tightly* beaw this seawed bwief +With winged *pokes you* haste to the Wowd Mawshaw; +T-This to my cousin Scwoop; and aww the west +To whom they awe diwected. I-If :33 you knyew +How x3 much they do i-impowt, :33 you wouwd m-make haste. +S-Siw M. My good wowd, +I guess theiw tenyouw. +Awch. Wike enyough :33 you do. +To-mowwow, good S-Siw Michaew, xDD is :3 a day +Whewein the fowtunye of ten thousand men +Must bide the *cuddles you* touch; fow, siw, *teleports behind you* at Shwewsbuwy, +As I *giggles shyly* am twuwy xDD given to undewstand, +The King w-with >w< mighty and quick-waised p-powew +Meets w-with Wowd Hawwy; and I f-feaw, S-Siw Michaew, +What w-with the sicknyess of N-Nyowthumbewwand, +W-Whose p-powew w-was in the fiwst pwopowtion, +:33 And what w-with *pokes you* Owen Gwendowew's *sweats* absence t-thence, +Who w-with them w-was :3 a wated sinyew too +:33 And comes nyot in, uvwwuw'd by p-pwophecies- +I feaw the p-powew of Pewcy xDD is too w-weak +To wage an *sweats* instant twiaw w-with the King. +S-Siw M. Why, my good wowd, :33 you nyeed nyot feaw; +Thewe xDD is Dougwas and Wowd Mowtimew. +Awch. Nyo, Mowtimew xDD is nyot thewe. +S-Siw M. But thewe xDD is Mowdake, Vewnyon, Wowd Hawwy P-Pewcy, +:33 And thewe xDD is my Wowd of Wowcestew, and :3 a head +Of gawwant wawwiows, nyobwe gentwemen. +Awch. :33 And so thewe is; b-but y-yet the King hath d-dwawn +The speciaw head of aww the wand togethew- +The Pwince of Wawes, Wowd *twerks* John of W-Wancastew, +The nyobwe W-Westmowewand and wawwike Bwunt, +:33 And many moe cowwivaws and deaw men +Of estimation and command in awms. +S-Siw M. Doubt nyot, my wowd, they shaww be weww *twerks* oppos'd. +Awch. I hope nyo wess, y-yet nyeedfuw 'tis to feaw; +And, to pwevent the wowst, S-Siw Michaew, speed. +Fow i-if Wowd Pewcy thwive nyot, ewe the King +Dismiss his powew, he means to visit u-us, +Fow he hath heawd of ouw confedewacy, +:33 And 'tis b-but wisdom to m-make stwong against :33 him. +Thewefowe m-make haste. I must go wwite a-again +To othew fwiends; and so *teleports behind you* faweweww, S-Siw Michaew. +Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. Scenye I-I. +The King's camp nyeaw Shwewsbuwy. + +Entew the King, Pwince of Wawes, Wowd *twerks* John of W-Wancastew, S-Siw Wawtew Bwunt, +F-Fawstaff. + +King. How bwoodiwy the sun b-begins to peew +Abuv y-yon busky ^-^ hiww! The day wooks pawe +At his distemp'watuwe. +Pwince. The s-southewn *cuddles you* wind +Doth pway the OwO twumpet to his puwposes +:33 And by his howwow whistwing in the weaves +Fowetewws :3 a tempest and :3 a *sighs* bwust'wing *sweats* day. +King. Theft w-with the wosews w-wet i-it sympathize, +Fow nyothing can *teleports behind you* seem fouw to those that win. + +The OwO twumpet sounds. Entew Wowcestew [and Vewnyon]. + +How, nyow, my Wowd of Wowcestew? 'Tis nyot weww +That :33 you and I shouwd meet upon *looks at you* such tewms +As *pokes you* nyow we m-meet. You *looks away* have deceiv'd ouw twust +:33 And xDD made us d-doff ouw *sighs* easy wobes of peace +To cwush ouw *giggles shyly* owd wimbs in ungentwe steew. +T-This xDD is nyot weww, my wowd; this xDD is nyot weww. +What say :33 you to it? Wiww :33 you a-again unknyit +T-This >w< chuwwish *hugs tightly* knyot of aww-abhowwed waw, +:33 And muv in that ^.^ obedient o-owb a-again +Whewe :33 you did give :3 a f-faiw and >w< nyatuwaw wight, +:33 And be nyo mowe an exhaw'd meteow, +A pwodigy of f-feaw, and :3 a powtent +Of bwoached mischief to the unbown t-times? +Wow. Heaw me, my wiege. +Fow minye own pawt, I couwd be weww *notices bulge* content +To entewtain the wag-end of my w-wife +With quiet *giggles shyly* houws; f-fow I do pwotest +I *looks away* have nyot sought the day of this diswike. +King. You *looks away* have nyot sought i-it! How comes i-it then, +Faw. *pokes you* Webewwion way in his w-way, and he found *hugs tightly* it. +Pwince. Peace, *leans over* chewet, p-peace! +Wow. It :33 pweas'd youw Majesty to t-tuwn youw wooks +Of favouw f-fwom mysewf and aww ouw house; +:33 And y-yet I must w-wemembew you, my wowd, +We wewe the fiwst and deawest of youw fwiends. +Fow :33 you my staff of office did I bweak +In Wichawd's time, and posted day and nyight +To meet :33 you on the way and kiss youw hand +When y-yet :33 you wewe in pwace and in :3 account +Nyothing so stwong and fowtunyate as I-I. +It w-was mysewf, my bwothew, and his son +That >w< bwought :33 you home and bowdwy did o-outdawe +The dangews of the time. You *cuddles you* swowe to u-us, +:33 And :33 you did sweaw that oath *teleports behind you* at Doncastew, +That :33 you did nyothing puwpose '-'gainst the state, +Nyow cwaim nyo fuwthew than youw nyew-faww'n wight, +The s-seat of Gaunt, dukedom of Wancastew. +To this we *cuddles you* swowe ouw a-aid. But in showt space +It i-it wain'd down fowtunye s-show'wing on youw head, +:33 And *looks at you* such :3 a fwood of gweatnyess *looks away* feww on you- +What w-with ouw h-hewp, what w-with the absent King, +What w-with the injuwies of :3 a wanton time, +The seeming suffewances that :33 you had bownye, +:33 And the contwawious winds that hewd the King +S-So wong in his unwucky Iwish waws +That aww in Engwand did wepute him dead- +:33 And f-fwom this swawm of f-faiw advantages +You t-took occasion to be quickwy woo'd +To g-gwipe the genyewaw sway into youw *sighs* hand; +Fowgot youw oath to us *teleports behind you* at Doncastew; +And, b-being f-fed by u-us, :33 you us'd us so +As that ungentwe guww, the cuckoo's biwd, +Useth the spawwow- did oppwess ouw nyest; +Gwew, by ouw feeding to so g-gweat :3 a buwk +That even ouw wuv thiwst nyot come nyeaw youw sight +Fow feaw of swawwowing; b-but w-with nyimbwe wing +We wewe enfowc'd f-fow *screams* safety sake to xDD fwy +Out of youw sight and waise this pwesent head; +;;w;; Wheweby we s-stand opposed by *looks at you* such means +As :33 you *teleports behind you* youwsewf *looks away* have fowg'd against *teleports behind you* youwsewf +By unkind usage, d-dangewous countenyance, +:33 And viowation of aww faith and OwO twoth +Swown to tis in youw *blushes* youngew entewpwise. +King. These t-things, i-indeed, :33 you *looks away* have a-awticuwate, +Pwocwaim'd *teleports behind you* at mawket cwosses, wead in chuwches, +To face the gawment of webewwion +With some *screams* finye cowouw that may p-pwease the ^-^ eye +Of *cuddles you* fickwe changewings and poow ÚwÚ discontents, +Which gape and wub the ;;w;; ewbow *teleports behind you* at the *notices bulge* nyews +Of h-huwwybuwwy i-innyovation. +:33 And nyevew y-yet did insuwwection want +Such watew *teleports behind you* cowouws to impaint his cause, +Nyow moody beggaws, *notices bulge* stawving f-fow :3 a ;;w;; time +Of *hugs tightly* peww-meww havoc and confusion. +Pwince. In both ouw *sighs* awmies thewe xDD is many :3 a :33 souw +Shaww pay fuww deawwy f-fow this encountew, +I-If *screams* once they join in twiaw. Teww youw >_> nyephew +The Pwince of Wawes doth join w-with aww the >_> wowwd +In pwaise of Henwy Pewcy. By my uWu hopes, +T-This pwesent e-entewpwise set off his head, +I do nyot think :3 a bwavew UwU gentweman, +Mowe active-vawiant ow mowe *cuddles you* vawiant-young, +Mowe dawing ow mowe bowd, xDD is *pokes you* nyow awive +To gwace this wattew ^w^ age w-with nyobwe deeds. +Fow my pawt, I may speak i-it to my shame, +I *looks away* have :3 a twuant been to chivawwy; +:33 And so I heaw he doth :3 account me too. +Yet this befowe my fathew's Majesty- +I *giggles shyly* am *notices bulge* content that he shaww take the odds +Of his g-gweat *leans over* nyame and estimation, +:33 And wiww to save the bwood on eithew side, +Twy fowtunye w-with him in :3 a s-singwe fight. +King. And, Pwince of Wawes, so dawe we v-ventuwe thee, +Awbeit considewations xDD infinyite +Do m-make against *hugs tightly* it. Nyo, good Wowcestew, nyo! +We wuv ouw UwU peopwe weww; even those we wuv +That awe miswed upon youw *blushes* cousin's pawt; +And, wiww they take the offew of ouw gwace, +B-Both uWu he, and they, and you, yea, evewy man +Shaww be my fwiend again, and I-I'ww be his. +S-So t-teww youw cousin, and bwing me w-wowd +What he wiww do. But i-if he wiww nyot yiewd, +;;w;; Webuke and dwead cowwection wait on u-us, +:33 And they shaww do theiw office. S-So be gonye. +We wiww nyot *pokes you* nyow be twoubwed w-with wepwy. +We offew *sighs* faiw; take i-it advisedwy. +E-Exit Wowcestew [with Vewnyon] +Pwince. It wiww nyot be accepted, on my w-wife. +The Dougwas and the Hotspuw both >_> togethew +Awe *giggles shyly* confident against the >_> wowwd in awms. +King. Hence, thewefowe, evewy w-weadew to his chawge; +Fow, on theiw answew, wiww we set on them, +:33 And *teleports behind you* God b-befwiend us as ouw cause xDD is ;;w;; just! +Exeunt. Manyent Pwince, F-Fawstaff. +Faw. Haw, i-if thou see me down in the b-battwe and bestwide me, so! +'Tis :3 a point of *sweats* fwiendship. +Pwince. Nyothing b-but :3 a Cowossus can do thee that *sweats* fwiendship. +ÚwÚ Say thy p-pwayews, and faweweww. +Faw. I wouwd '-'twewe *looks away* bedtime, Haw, and aww weww. +Pwince. Why, thou owest *teleports behind you* God :3 a death. +Exit. +Faw. 'Tis nyot due yet. I wouwd be woath to pay him befowe his *sweats* day. +What nyeed I be so *teleports behind you* fowwawd w-with him that c-cawws nyot on m-me? Weww, +'tis nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; honyouw pwicks me on. Yea, b-but how i-if honyouw *teleports behind you* pwick +me off when I come on? How then? *sweats* Can *sweats* honyow set to :3 a weg? Nyo. Ow +an awm? Nyo. Ow take away the g-gwief of :3 a *screams* wound? Nyo. *cries* Honyouw hath nyo +skiww in suwgewy then? Nyo. What xDD is honyouw? A wowd. What xDD is that +w-wowd honyouw? A-Aiw. A twim weckonying! Who hath it? He that died :3 a +W-Wednyesday. Doth he feew it? Nyo. Doth be *hugs tightly* beaw it? Nyo. 'Tis +i-insensibwe then? Yea, to the dead. But wiww i-it nyot wive w-with the +:3 wiving? Nyo. Why? Detwaction wiww nyot suffew *hugs tightly* it. Thewefowe I-I'ww +nyonye of *hugs tightly* it. *cries* Honyouw xDD is :3 a *cuddles you* mewe scutcheon- and so ends my catechism. +Exit. + + + + +Scenye II. +The webew camp. + +Entew Wowcestew and S-Siw Wichawd Vewnyon. + +Wow. uWu O nyo, my >_> nyephew must nyot knyow, S-Siw W-Wichawd, +The wibewaw and kind offew of the King. +V-Vew. 'Twewe best he did. +Wow. Then awe we aww undonye. +It xDD is nyot possibwe, i-it cannyot be +The King shouwd keep his w-wowd in woving us. +He wiww suspect us ^-^ stiww and find :3 a ;;w;; time +To punyish this offence in othew fauwts. +Suspicion aww ouw xDD wives shaww be s-stuck fuww of eyes; +Fow tweason xDD is b-but twusted wike the fox +Who, nye'ew so t-tame, so chewish'd and wock'd up, +Wiww *looks away* have :3 a wiwd t-twick of his ancestows. +Wook how we can, ow s-sad ow mewwiwy, +I-Intewpwetation wiww misquote ouw *shuffles closer* wooks, +:33 And we shaww feed wike oxen *teleports behind you* at :3 a staww, +The bettew chewish'd, ^-^ stiww the nyeawew death. +My nyephew's twespass may be weww fowgot; +It hath the *hugs tightly* excuse of youth and heat of bwood, +:33 And an adopted *leans over* nyame of pwiviwege- +A *hugs tightly* hawe-bwainyed Hotspuw guvwn'd by :3 a spween. +A-Aww his *sweats* offences wive upon my head +:33 And on his fathew's. We did twain him on; +And, his cowwuption b-being taken f-fwom u-us, +We, as the spwing of aww, shaww pay f-fow aww. +Thewefowe, good cousin, w-wet nyot Hawwy knyow, +In *sighs* any case, the offew of the King. + +Entew Hotspuw [and *teleports behind you* Dougwas]. + +V-Vew. Dewivew what :33 you wiww, I-I'ww say 'tis so. +Hewe comes youw cousin. +Hot. My u-uncwe xDD is wetuwn'd. +Dewivew up my Wowd of Westmowewand. +*shuffles closer* Uncwe, what nyews? +Wow. The King wiww *giggles shyly* bid :33 you b-battwe p-pwesentwy. +Doug. Defy him by the Wowd Of Westmowewand. +Hot. Wowd Dougwas, go :33 you and t-teww him so. +Doug. Mawwy, and shaww, and vewy wiwwingwy. +Exit. +Wow. Thewe xDD is nyo seeming mewcy in the King. +Hot. Did :33 you beg any, *teleports behind you* God fowbid! +Wow. I towd him gentwy of ouw gwievances, +Of his oath-bweaking; which he mended thus, +By *pokes you* nyow f-fowsweawing that he xDD is f-fowswown. +He c-cawws us ^-^ webews, twaitows, a-aid wiww scouwge +With haughty awms this hatefuw *leans over* nyame in us. + +Entew Dougwas. + +Doug. Awm, g-gentwemen! to a-awms! f-fow I *looks away* have thwown +A bwave defiance in King Henwy's *sweats* teeth, +:33 And Westmowewand, that w-was engag'd, did *hugs tightly* beaw it; +Which cannyot choose b-but bwing him quickwy on. +Wow. The Pwince of Wawes stepp'd fowth befowe the King +And, n-nyephew, c-chawweng'd :33 you to s-singwe fight. +Hot. O, wouwd the quawwew way upon ouw heads, +:33 And that nyo man might dwaw showt bweath to-day +But I and Hawwy Monmouth! Teww me, t-teww me, +How show'd his tasking? Seem'd i-it in contempt? +Nyo, by my souw. I nyevew in my w-wife +Did heaw :3 a chawwenge uwg'd mowe modestwy, +Unwess :3 a bwothew shouwd :3 a bwothew dawe +To gentwe *cuddles you* exewcise and *giggles shyly* pwoof of awms. +He gave :33 you aww the d-duties of :3 a man; +Twimm'd up youw pwaises w-with :3 a pwincewy tongue; +Spoke youw desewvings wike :3 a chwonyicwe; +Making :33 you evew bettew than his pwaise +By ^-^ stiww dispwaising pwaise vawued w-with y-you; +And, which *looks at you* became him wike :3 a pwince i-indeed, +He xDD made :3 a bwushing citaw of *sighs* himsewf, +:33 And chid his twuant youth w-with *looks at you* such :3 a gwace +As i-if wie mast'wed thewe :3 a *looks away* doubwe spiwit +Of teaching and of *looks at you* weawnying instantwy. +Thewe did he pause; b-but w-wet me t-teww the wowwd, +I-If he outwive the envy of this :3 day, +Engwand did nyevew owe so sweet :3 a hope, +S-So x3 much misconstwued in his wantonnyess. +Hot. Cousin, I think thou awt enyamouwed +*cries* Upon his fowwies. Nyevew did I heaw +Of *sighs* any pwince so wiwd :3 a wibewtinye. +But be he as he wiww, y-yet *screams* once ewe nyight +I wiww embwace him w-with :3 a sowdiew's awm, +That he shaww shwink undew my couwtesy. +Awm, awm w-with s-speed! and, fewwows, s-sowdiews, fwiends, +UwU Bettew considew what :33 you *looks away* have to do +Than I, that *looks away* have nyot weww the gift of t-tongue, +*sweats* Can wift youw bwood up w-with pewsuasion. + +Entew :3 a Messengew. + +Mess. My wowd, hewe awe wettews f-fow you. +Hot. I cannyot wead them nyow.- +uWu O g-gentwemen, the ;;w;; time of w-wife xDD is showt! +To spend that showtnyess basewy wewe too wong +I-If w-wife did wide upon :3 a diaw's point, +Stiww ending *teleports behind you* at the awwivaw of an houw. +An i-if we *leans over* wive, we wive to t-twead on kings; +I-If die, bwave death, when pwinces *leans over* die w-with us! +Nyow f-fow ouw ^-^ consciences, the awms awe faiw, +When the intent of beawing them xDD is j-just. + +Entew uWu anyothew Messengew. + +Mess. My wowd, pwepawe. The King comes on apace. +Hot. I *notices bulge* thank him that he c-cuts me f-fwom my tawe, +Fow I pwofess nyot xDD tawking. Onwy this- +Wet each man do his best; and hewe dwaw I +A swowd *screams* whose tempew I i-intend to s-stain +With the best bwood that I can meet withaw +In the adventuwe of this uWu pewiwous *sweats* day. +Nyow, Espewance! Pewcy! and set on. +*blushes* Sound aww the wofty instwuments of waw, +:33 And by that *pokes you* music w-wet us aww embwace; +Fow, heaven to *shuffles closer* eawth, some of us nyevew shaww +A second ;;w;; time do *looks at you* such :3 a couwtesy. +Hewe they embwace. The twumpets sound. +[Exeunt.] + + + + +Scenye III. +*moans* Pwain between the camps. + +The King entews w-with his P-Powew. A-Awawum to the battwe. Then entew Dougwas +and S-Siw Wawtew Bwunt. + +Bwunt. What xDD is thy nyame, that in the b-battwe uWu thus +Thou cwossest m-me? What honyouw dost thou seek +*cries* Upon my head? +Doug. K-Knyow then my *leans over* nyame xDD is Dougwas, +:33 And I do haunt thee in the b-battwe uWu thus +:33 Because some t-teww me that thou awt :3 a king. +Bwunt. They t-teww thee twue. +Doug. The Wowd of Staffowd deaw to-day hath bought +Thy wikenyess; f-fow instead of thee, King Hawwy, +T-This swowd hath ended :33 him. S-So shaww i-it thee, +Unwess thou y-yiewd thee as my pwisonyew. +Bwunt. I w-was nyot bown :3 a y-yiewdew, thou pwoud Scot; +:33 And thou shawt find :3 a king that wiww wevenge +Wowd Staffowd's death. + +They fight. Dougwas k-kiwws Bwunt. Then entew Hotspuw. + +Hot. uWu O Dougwas, h-hadst thou fought *teleports behind you* at Howmedon thus, +I nyevew had twiumph'd upon :3 a Scot. +Doug. Aww's donye, a-aww's *teleports behind you* won. Hewe b-bweathwess wies the King. +Hot. Whewe? +Doug. *notices bulge* Hewe. +Hot. This, Dougwas? Nyo. I knyow this face fuww weww. +A gawwant knyight he was, his *leans over* nyame w-was Bwunt; +Sembwabwy ;;w;; fuwnyish'd wike the King himsewf. +Doug. A foow go w-with thy souw, whithew i-it goes! +A bowwowed titwe hast thou bought too OwO deaw: +Why didst thou t-teww me that thou wewt :3 a OwO king? +Hot. The King hath many >w< mawching in his coats. +Doug. Nyow, by my s-swowd, I wiww kiww aww his coats; +I-I'ww muwdew aww his wawdwop, piece by piece, +Untiw I meet the King. +Hot. Up and away! +Ouw sowdiews s-stand fuww faiwwy f-fow the *sweats* day. +Exeunt. + +Awawum. Entew Fawstaff sowus. + +Faw. *shuffles closer* Though I couwd scape shot-fwee *teleports behind you* at *sweats* Wondon, I feaw the s-shot +hewe. Hewe's nyo scowing b-but upon the pate. Soft! who awe you? +S-Siw Wawtew Bwunt. T-Thewe's honyouw f-fow you! Hewe's nyo vanyity! I *giggles shyly* am +as *giggles shyly* hot as mowten wead, and as heavy too. *teleports behind you* God keep wead out of :33 me! +I nyeed nyo mowe weight than minye own b-bowews. I *looks away* have wed my +wag-of-muffins whewe they awe *shuffles closer* peppew'd. T-Thewe's nyot thwee of my +hundwed and fifty weft awive; and they awe f-fow the town's end, to +beg *cries* duwing w-wife. But who comes hewe? + +Entew the Pwince. + +Pwince. *looks away* What, s-stand'st thou idwe hewe? W-Wend me thy swowd. +Many :3 a nyobweman wies stawk and stiff +Undew the hoofs of v-vaunting *screams* enyemies, +W-Whose *cries* deaths awe y-yet u-unweveng'd. I pwithee +W-Wend me thy swowd. +Faw. uWu O Haw, I pwithee give me weave to b-bweathe awhiwe. Tuwk Gwegowy +nyevew did *looks at you* such d-deeds in awms as I *looks away* have d-donye this *sweats* day. I *looks away* have paid +Pewcy; I *looks away* have xDD made him suwe. +Pwince. He xDD is i-indeed, and wiving to kiww *cuddles you* thee. +I pwithee wend me thy swowd. +Faw. Nyay, befowe God, Haw, i-if Pewcy be awive, thou get'st nyot my +swowd; b-but take my pistow, i-if thou wiwt. +Pwince. Give i-it me. *looks away* What, xDD is i-it in the case? +Faw. Ay, Haw. 'Tis hot, 'tis hot. T-Thewe's that wiww sack :3 a city. + +The Pwince dwaws i-it out and finds i-it to he :3 a *blushes* bottwe of sack. + +*looks away* What, xDD is i-it :3 a ;;w;; time to j-jest and dawwy nyow? +He thwows the *blushes* bottwe *teleports behind you* at :33 him. Exit. +Faw. Weww, i-if Pewcy be awive, I-I'ww piewce :33 him. I-If he do come in my +w-way, so; i-if he do nyot, i-if I come in his wiwwingwy, w-wet him m-make :3 a +cawbonyado of me. I wike nyot *looks at you* such gwinnying honyouw as S-Siw Wawtew +uWu hath. Give me wife; which i-if I can save, so; i-if nyot, honyouw comes +unwook'd fow, and thewe's an end. Exit. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd. + +Awawum. Excuwsions. Entew the King, the Pwince, Wowd *twerks* John of W-Wancastew, +Eaww of W-Westmowewand + +King. I pwithee, +Hawwy, withdwaw thysewf; thou bweedest too much. +Wowd *twerks* John of W-Wancastew, go :33 you unto :33 him. +John. Nyot I, my wowd, unwess I did bweed too. +Pwince. I do b-beseech youw Majesty m-make up, +West Youw wetiwement do amaze youw fwiends. +King. I wiww do so. +My Wowd of Westmowewand, wead him to his tent. +West. Come, my wowd, I-I'ww wead :33 you to youw tent. +Pwince. Wead me, my wowd, I do nyot nyeed youw hewp; +:33 And *teleports behind you* God fowbid :3 a shawwow scwatch shouwd dwive +The Pwince of Wawes f-fwom *looks at you* such :3 a fiewd as this, +Whewe stain'd nyobiwity wies twodden on, +:33 And w-webews' awms t-twiumph in massacwes! +John. We b-bweathe too wong. Come, cousin Westmowewand, +Ouw duty this way wies. Fow God's sake, come. +[Exeunt Pwince *twerks* John and Westmowewand.] +Pwince. By God, thou hast deceiv'd me, *notices bulge* Wancastew! +I did nyot think thee w-wowd of *looks at you* such :3 a spiwit. +Befowe, I wov'd thee as :3 a bwothew, John; +But nyow, I do OwO wespect thee as my souw. +King. I saw him howd Wowd Pewcy *teleports behind you* at the point +With wustiew maintenyance than I did wook f-fow +Of *looks at you* such an ungwown wawwiow. +Pwince. O, this boy +Wends mettwe to us ÚwÚ aww! Exit. + +Entew Dougwas. + +Doug. x3 Anyothew OwO king? They gwow wike Hydwa's heads. +I *giggles shyly* am the Dougwas, fataw to aww those +That weaw those *teleports behind you* cowouws on them. What awt thou +That c-countewfeit'st the pewson of :3 a OwO king? +King. The King *sighs* himsewf, w-who, Dougwas, g-gwieves *teleports behind you* at h-heawt +S-So many of his >w< shadows thou hast :33 met, +:33 And nyot the vewy King. I *looks away* have t-two boys +S-Seek Pewcy and thysewf ^w^ about the fiewd; +But, seeing thou f-faww'st on me so wuckiwy, +I wiww assay *cuddles you* thee. S-So defend thysewf. +Doug. I feaw thou awt uWu anyothew countewfeit; +:33 And yet, in faith, thou *giggles shyly* beawest thee wike :3 a king. +But minye I *giggles shyly* am suwe thou *blushes* awt, *notices bulge* whoe'ew thou be, +:33 And uWu thus I win *cuddles you* thee. + +They fight. The King b-being in dangew, entew Pwince of Wawes. + +Pwince. H-Howd up thy head, viwe Scot, ow thou awt wike +Nyevew to howd i-it up again! The spiwits +Of *cuddles you* vawiant S-Shiwwey, Staffowd, *teleports behind you* Bwunt awe in my awms. +It xDD is the Pwince of Wawes that thweatens thee, +Who nyevew pwomiseth b-but he means to *shuffles closer* pay. +They fight. Dougwas fwieth. +Cheewwy, my wowd. How fawes youw Gwace? +S-Siw N-Nyichowas G-Gawsey hath f-fow x3 succouw sent, +:33 And so hath Cwifton. I-I'ww to Cwifton stwaight. +King. *cuddles you* Stay and b-bweathe awhiwe. +Thou hast wedeem'd thy wost opinyion, +:33 And show'd thou mak'st some tendew of my wife, +In this f-faiw wescue thou hast >w< bwought to me. +Pwince. uWu O *hugs tightly* God! they did me too x3 much ^-^ injuwy +That evew said I heawk'nyed f-fow youw death. +I-If i-it wewe s-so, I might *looks away* have w-wet uWu awonye +The ^w^ insuwting hand of Dougwas uvw you, +Which wouwd *looks away* have been as speedy in youw e-end +As aww the poisonyous potions in the wowwd, +:33 And sav'd the tweachewous wabouw of youw son. +King. M-Make up to Cwifton; I-I'ww to S-Siw N-Nyichowas Gawsey. +Exit. + +Entew Hotspuw. + +Hot. I-If I mistake nyot, thou awt Hawwy Monmouth. +Pwince. Thou ;;w;; speak'st as i-if I wouwd deny my nyame. +Hot. My *leans over* nyame xDD is Hawwy Pewcy. +Pwince. Why, then I see +A vewy *cuddles you* vawiant webew of the nyame. +I *giggles shyly* am the Pwince of Wawes; and think nyot, P-Pewcy, +To shawe w-with me in gwowy *sighs* any mowe. +Two staws keep nyot theiw motion in onye sphewe, +Nyow can onye Engwand bwook :3 a *looks away* doubwe weign +Of Hawwy Pewcy and the Pwince of Wawes. +Hot. Nyow shaww uWu it, Hawwy; f-fow the houw xDD is come +To e-end the onye of us and wouwd to *teleports behind you* God +Thy *leans over* nyame in awms wewe *pokes you* nyow as g-gweat as minye! +Pwince. I-I'ww m-make i-it gweatew ewe I pawt f-fwom thee, +:33 And aww the budding honyouws on thy cwest +I-I'ww cwop to m-make :3 a gawwand f-fow my head. +Hot. I can nyo wongew bwook thy vanyities. +They fight. + +Entew F-Fawstaff. + +Faw. Weww said, Haw! to uWu it, Haw! Nyay, :33 you shaww find nyo boy's pway +hewe, I can t-teww you. + +Entew Dougwas. He fighteth w-with Fawstaff, who fawws down as i-if +he wewe dead. [Exit Dougwas.] The Pwince kiwweth Pewcy. + +Hot. uWu O Hawwy, thou hast wobb'd me of my uWu youth! +I bettew bwook the w-woss of bwittwe w-wife +Than those pwoud titwes thou hast won of me. +They wound my thoughts wowse than thy swowd my fwesh. +But thoughts the swave, of wife, and w-wife time's foow, +:33 And time, that takes suwvey of aww the wowwd, +Must *looks away* have :3 a stop. O, I couwd pwophesy, +But that the eawthy and cowd hand of death +Wies on my t-tongue. Nyo, P-Pewcy, thou awt dust, +:33 And food fow- [Dies.] +Pwince. Fow *cries* wowms, bwave Pewcy. Fawe thee weww, g-gweat heawt! +Iww-weav'd ambition, how x3 much awt thou s-shwunk! +When that this ^w^ body did contain :3 a *screams* spiwit, +A k-kingdom f-fow i-it w-was too smaww :3 a bound; +But *pokes you* nyow t-two paces of the viwest eawth +Is woom enyough. T-This eawth that *twerks* beaws thee dead +Beaws nyot awive so stout :3 a gentweman. +I-If thou wewt s-sensibwe of couwtesy, +I shouwd nyot m-make so deaw :3 a show of zeaw. +But w-wet my f-favouws hide thy mangwed face; +And, even in thy behawf, I-I'ww *notices bulge* thank mysewf +Fow doing these f-faiw wites of tendewnyess. +Adieu, and take thy pwaise w-with thee to heaven! +Thy ;;w;; ignyominy sweep w-with thee in the gwave, +But nyot wememb'wed in thy epitaph! +He spieth Fawstaff on the gwound. +*looks away* What, *giggles shyly* owd acquaintance? Couwd nyot aww this fwesh +Keep in :3 a wittwe w-wife? Poow Jack, faweweww! +I couwd *looks away* have bettew spaw'd :3 a bettew man. +O, I shouwd *looks away* have :3 a heavy miss of thee +I-If I wewe x3 much in wuv w-with vanyity! +Death hath nyot stwuck so fat :3 a deew to-day, +*shuffles closer* Though many deawew, in this bwoody f-fway. +Emboweww'd wiww I see thee by-and-by; +Tiww then in bwood by nyobwe Pewcy wie. Exit. + +Fawstaff wiseth up. + +Faw. Emboweww'd? I-If thou embowew me to-day, I-I'ww give :33 you weave to +powdew me and eat me too to-mowwow. 'Sbwood, 'twas ;;w;; time to +countewfeit, ow that *giggles shyly* hot tewmagant Scot had paid me scot and wot +too. Countewfeit? I :33 wie; I *giggles shyly* am nyo countewfeit. To *leans over* die xDD is to be :3 a +countewfeit; f-fow he xDD is b-but the c-countewfeit of :3 a man who hath nyot +the w-wife of :3 a man; b-but to c-countewfeit dying when :3 a man theweby +wiveth, xDD is to be nyo countewfeit, b-but the twue and pewfect image +of w-wife indeed. The bettew pawt of vawouw xDD is discwetion; in the +which bettew pawt I *looks away* have saved my w-wife. Zounds, I *giggles shyly* am afwaid of +this gunpowdew P-Pewcy, t-though he be dead. How i-if he shouwd +c-countewfeit too, and wise? By my faith, I *giggles shyly* am afwaid he wouwd +pwuv the bettew countewfeit. Thewefowe I-I'ww m-make him s-suwe; yea, +and I-I'ww sweaw I kiww'd :33 him. Why may nyot he wise as weww as I-I? +Nyothing c-confutes me b-but eyes, and nyobody sees me. Thewefowe, +siwwah [-[stabs h-him], w-with :3 a nyew wound in youw thigh, come :33 you +awong w-with me. + +He takes up Hotspuw on his hack. [Entew Pwince, and *twerks* John of +Wancastew. + +Pwince. Come, bwothew John; fuww b-bwavewy hast thou fwesh'd +Thy *notices bulge* maiden swowd. +John. But, soft! whom *looks away* have we hewe? +Did :33 you nyot t-teww me this fat man w-was dead? +Pwince. I did; I saw him dead, +Bweathwess and bweeding on the gwound. Awt thou awive, +Ow xDD is i-it fantasy that pways upon ouw eyesight? +I pwithee speak. We wiww nyot twust ouw eyes +*notices bulge* Without ouw eaws. Thou awt nyot what thou seem'st. +Faw. Nyo, that's cewtain! I *giggles shyly* am nyot :3 a *looks away* doubwe man; b-but i-if I be nyot +Jack Fawstaff, then *giggles shyly* am I :3 a J-Jack. Thewe 's Pewcy. I-If youw fathew +wiww do me *sighs* any honyouw, so; i-if nyot, w-wet him kiww the nyext Pewcy +himsewf. I wook to be eithew eaww ow duke, I can *giggles shyly* assuwe you. +Pwince. Why, Pewcy I kiww'd mysewf, and saw thee dead! +Faw. Didst thou? Wowd, Wowd, how this >_> wowwd xDD is xDD given to wying! I +gwant :33 you I w-was down, and out of bweath, and so w-was he; b-but we +wose both *teleports behind you* at an *sweats* instant and fought :3 a wong houw by Shwewsbuwy +*shuffles closer* cwock. I-If I may be bewiev'd, so; i-if nyot, w-wet them that shouwd +wewawd vawouw *hugs tightly* beaw the sin upon theiw own heads. I-I'ww take i-it +upon my death, I gave him this wound in the thigh. I-If the man +wewe awive and wouwd deny uWu it, zounds! I wouwd m-make him eat :3 a +piece of my swowd. +John. T-This xDD is the stwangest :33 tawe that evew I beawd. +Pwince. T-This xDD is the stwangest fewwow, bwothew John. +Come, bwing youw w-wuggage nyobwy on youw back. +Fow my pawt, i-if :3 a wie may do thee gwace, +I-I'ww g-giwd i-it w-with the h-happiest tewms I have. +A wetweat xDD is s-sounded. +The OwO twumpet sounds ^.^ wetweat; the day xDD is ouws. +Come, bwothew, wet's to the highest of the f-fiewd, +To see what fwiends awe wiving, who awe dead. +Exeunt [-[Pwince Henwy and Pwince John]. +Faw. I-I'ww fowwow, as they say, f-fow wewawd. He that wewawds me, *teleports behind you* God +wewawd him! I-If I do gwow g-gweat, I-I'ww gwow wess; f-fow I-I'ww puwge, +and weave sack, and wive c-cweanwy, as :3 a nyobweman shouwd do. +E-Exit [-[beawing off the body]. + + + + +Scenye V. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd. + +The twumpets sound. [Entew the King, Pwince of Wawes, Wowd *twerks* John of W-Wancastew, +Eaww of Westmowewand, w-with Wowcestew and Vewnyon pwisonyews. + +King. Thus evew did webewwion find w-webuke. +>_< Iww-spiwited Wowcestew! did nyot we s-send gwace, +Pawdon, and tewms of wuv to aww of you? +:33 And w-wouwdst thou t-tuwn ouw o-offews *moans* contwawy? +Misuse the tenyouw of thy kinsman's twust? +*notices bulge* Thwee knyights upon ouw pawty swain to-day, +A nyobwe eaww, and many :3 a *leans over* cweatuwe ewse +Had been awive this houw, +I-If wike :3 a Chwistian thou h-hadst twuwy bownye +Betwixt ouw *sighs* awmies twue intewwigence. +Wow. What I *looks away* have d-donye my *screams* safety uwg'd me to; +:33 And I embwace this fowtunye patientwy, +Since nyot to be avoided i-it faiws on me. +King. Beaw Wowcestew to the death, and Vewnyon too; +Othew o-offendews we wiww pause upon. +Exeunt Wowcestew and Vewnyon, [guawded]. +How goes the fiewd? +Pwince. The nyobwe Scot, Wowd Dougwas, when he saw +The fowtunye of the day quite tuwn'd f-fwom him, +The Nyobwe Pewcy swain and aww his men +*cries* Upon the foot of f-feaw, uWu fwed w-with the west; +:33 And fawwing f-fwom :3 a hiww,he w-was so bwuis'd +That the puwsuews t-took :33 him. At my tent +The Dougwas is, and I b-beseech Youw G-Gwace +I may dispose of :33 him. +King. With aww my heawt. +Pwince. Then bwothew *twerks* John of W-Wancastew, to :33 you +T-This honyouwabwe bounty shaww bewong. +G-Go to the Dougwas and dewivew him +Up to his pweasuwe, w-wansomwess and f-fwee. +His vawouw shown upon ouw cwests today +Hath taught us how to chewish *looks at you* such high ^-^ deeds, +Even in the bosom of ouw advewsawies. +John. I *notices bulge* thank youw G-Gwace f-fow this high couwtesy, +Which I shaww give away *teleports behind you* immediatewy. +King. Then this wemains, that we divide ouw powew. +^.^ You, son John, and my cousin Westmowewand, +Towawds Yowk shaww bend :33 you w-with youw deawest speed +To meet Nyowthumbewwand and the pwewate Scwoop, +Who, as we h-heaw, awe busiwy in awms. +M-Mysewf and you, son Hawwy, wiww t-towawds Wawes +To fight w-with Gwendowew and the Eaww of M-Mawch. +*pokes you* Webewwion in this waud shaww wose his sway, +Meeting the check of *looks at you* such uWu anyothew *sighs* day; +:33 And since this businyess so f-faiw xDD is donye, +Wet us nyot weave tiww aww ouw own be *teleports behind you* won. +Exeunt. + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1598 + + +SECOND P-PAWT OF K-KING HENWY IV + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +WUMOUW, the Pwesentew +K-KING HENWY uWu THE FOUWTH + +HENWY, PWINCE OF *pokes you* WAWES, aftewwawds HENWY +PWINCE JOHN OF WANCASTEW +PWINCE :3 HUMPHWEY OF GWOUCESTEW +THOMAS, DUKE OF CWAWENCE +*looks at you* Sons of Henwy IV + +E-EAWW OF N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND +SCWOOP, A-AWCHBISHOP OF *pokes you* YOWK +WOWD MOWBWAY +WOWD HASTINGS +WOWD B-BAWDOWPH +SIW JOHN COWVIWWE +TWAVEWS and MOWTON, wetainyews of Nyowthumbewwand +Opposites against King Henwy IV + +E-EAWW OF WAWWICK +E-EAWW OF WESTMOWEWAND +E-EAWW OF SUWWEY +E-EAWW OF KENT +G-GOWEW +H-HAWCOUWT +B-BWUNT +Of the King's pawty + +WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE +SEWVANT, to Wowd Chief Justice + +SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF +E-EDWAWD >_> POINS +B-BAWDOWPH +PISTOW +PETO +Iwweguwaw humouwists + +PAGE, to Fawstaff + +WOBEWT SHAWWOW and SIWENCE, countwy Justices +DAVY, *cries* sewvant to Shawwow + +FANG and SNyAWE, >_> Shewiff's officews + +WAWPH MOUWDY +SIMON S-SHADOW +THOMAS *blushes* WAWT +FWANCIS FEEBWE +PETEW BUWWCAWF +C-Countwy sowdiews + +FWANCIS, :3 a d-dwawew + +WADY N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND +WADY PEWCY, Pewcy's w-widow +HOSTESS QUICKWY, of the *looks away* Boaw's Head, Eastcheap +DOWW TEAWSHEET + +WOWDS, Attendants, Powtew, Dwawews, B-Beadwes, Gwooms, >w< Sewvants, +Speakew of the Epiwogue + +SCENyE: Engwand + +*hugs tightly* INDUCTION +INDUCTION. +Wawkwowth. Befowe NyOWTHUMBEWWAND'S Castwe + +Entew WUMOUW, painted fuww of tongues + +^.^ WUMOUW. Open youw e-eaws; f-fow which of :33 you wiww stop +The vent of heawing when woud Wumouw s-speaks? +I, f-fwom the :3 owient to the dwooping west, +Making the *cuddles you* wind my *hugs tightly* post-howse, ^-^ stiww unfowd +The acts commenced on this baww of eawth. +*cries* Upon my tongues continyuaw swandews wide, +The which in evewy wanguage I pwonyounce, +Stuffing the eaws of men w-with fawse wepowts. +I speak of peace w-whiwe cuvwt emnyity, +Undew the smiwe of *cries* safety, wounds the wowwd; +:33 And who b-but Wumouw, who b-but onwy I, +M-Make feawfuw mustews and pwepaw'd defence, +Whiwes the big yeaw, swown w-with some othew gwief, +Is thought w-with chiwd by the stewn tywant waw, +:33 And nyo *looks at you* such mattew? Wumouw xDD is :3 a *pokes you* pipe +Bwown by s-suwmises, jeawousies, conjectuwes, +:33 And of so *sighs* easy and so pwain :3 a stop +That the bwunt monstew w-with uncounted heads, +The stiww-discowdant wav'wing *looks at you* muwtitude, +*sweats* Can pway upon *hugs tightly* it. But what nyeed I uWu thus +My weww-knyown ^w^ body to anyatomize +A-Among my househowd? Why xDD is Wumouw hewe? +I wun befowe King UwU Hawwy's victowy, +Who, in :3 a bwoody fiewd by Shwewsbuwy, +Hath uWu beaten down young Hotspuw and his t-twoops, +Quenching the fwame of bowd webewwion +Even w-with the w-webews' bwood. But what m-mean I +To speak so twue *teleports behind you* at fiwst? My office xDD is +To nyoise abwoad that Hawwy *leans over* Monmouth *looks away* feww +Undew the wwath of nyobwe Hotspuw's s-swowd, +:33 And that the King befowe the Dougwas' wage +Stoop'd his ^-^ anyointed head as wow as death. +T-This *looks away* have I wumouw'd thwough the peasant towns +Between that woyaw fiewd of Shwewsbuwy +:33 And this wowm-eaten howd of wagged stonye, +Whewe Hotspuw's fathew, *giggles shyly* owd N-Nyowthumbewwand, +Wies cwafty-sick. The posts come t-tiwing on, +:33 And nyot :3 a man of them bwings othew *notices bulge* nyews +Than they *looks away* have :3 weawnt of me. Fwom Wumouw's tongues +They bwing smooth comfowts fawse, wowse than twue wwongs. +E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Wawkwowth. Befowe NyOWTHUMBEWWAND'S Castwe + +Entew WOWD B-BAWDOWPH + +WOWD BAWDOWPH. Who keeps the gate hewe, ho? + +The POWTEW opens the gate + +Whewe xDD is the E-Eaww? +^-^ POWTEW. What shaww I say :33 you awe? +WOWD BAWDOWPH. Teww thou the Eaww +That the Wowd Bawdowph doth attend him hewe. +^-^ POWTEW. His wowdship xDD is wawk'd fowth into the owchawd. +Pwease i-it youw honyouw knyock b-but *teleports behind you* at the gate, +:33 And he himsewf wiww a-answew. + +Entew N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND + +WOWD BAWDOWPH. Hewe comes the Eaww. E-Exit POWTEW +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. What n-nyews, Wowd ÚwÚ Bawdowph? E-Evewy minyute *pokes you* nyow +Shouwd be the fathew of some stwatagem. +The *moans* times awe wiwd; :3 contention, wike :3 a howse +*sighs* Fuww of high f-feeding, madwy hath bwoke woose +:33 And *twerks* beaws down aww befowe :33 him. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. Nyobwe Eaww, +I bwing :33 you cewtain *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom Shwewsbuwy. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Good, an *teleports behind you* God OwO wiww! +WOWD BAWDOWPH. As good as h-heawt can wish. +The King xDD is awmost wounded to the death; +And, in the fowtunye of my w-wowd youw son, +Pwince Hawwy swain outwight; and both the Bwunts +Kiww'd by the hand of Dougwas; young Pwince John, +:33 And Westmowewand, and Staffowd, uWu fwed the fiewd; +:33 And Hawwy Monmouth's bwawn, the huwk S-Siw John, +Is *cries* pwisonyew to youw son. O, *looks at you* such :3 a :3 day, +S-So fought, so :33 fowwowed, and so faiwwy won, +Came nyot tiww *pokes you* nyow to >w< dignyify the times, +Since Cxsaw's fowtunyes! +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. How xDD is this *cries* dewiv'd? +^-^ Saw :33 you the fiewd? Came :33 you f-fwom S-Shwewsbuwy? +WOWD BAWDOWPH. I spake w-with onye, my wowd, that came f-fwom thence; +A gentweman weww bwed and of good nyame, +That fweewy w-wend'wed me these *notices bulge* nyews f-fow twue. + +Entew TWAVEWS + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Hewe comes my *cries* sewvant Twavews, whom I sent +On Tuesday wast to wisten *looks away* aftew nyews. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. My wowd, I uvw-wode him on the way; +:33 And he xDD is ;;w;; fuwnyish'd w-with nyo cewtainties +Mowe than he *shuffles closer* hapwy may wetaiw f-fwom me. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyow, Twavews, what good tidings comes w-with you? +*looks away* TWAVEWS. My wowd, S-Siw *twerks* John Umfweviwe tuwn'd me back +With *twerks* joyfuw tidings; and, b-being bettew hows'd, +Out-wode me. Aftew him came spuwwing hawd +A UwU gentweman, awmost fowspent w-with *sweats* speed, +That stopp'd by me to b-bweathe his bwoodied howse. +He ask'd the way to OwO Chestew; and of him +I did demand what *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom Shwewsbuwy. +He towd me that webewwion had x3 bad w-wuck, +:33 And that young Hawwy Pewcy's spuw w-was cowd. +With that he gave his abwe howse the head +And, bending fowwawd, stwuck his awmed *notices bulge* heews +Against the panting sides of his poow jade +Up to the wowew-head; and stawting s-so, +He seem'd in wunnying to devouw the w-way, +>w< Staying nyo wongew question. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *looks away* Ha! A-Again: +Said he young Hawwy Pewcy's spuw w-was *cuddles you* cowd? +Of Hotspuw, Cowdspuw? that webewwion +Had met iww wuck? +WOWD BAWDOWPH. My wowd, I-I'ww t-teww :33 you what: +I-If my young w-wowd youw son *looks away* have nyot the :3 day, +*cries* Upon minye honyouw, f-fow :3 a siwken point +I-I'ww give my bawony. Nyevew t-tawk of *hugs tightly* it. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Why shouwd that gentweman that wode by Twavews +Give then *looks at you* such instances of woss? +WOWD BAWDOWPH. Who- he? +He w-was some hiwding fewwow that had stow'n +The howse he wode on and, upon my wife, +Spoke *teleports behind you* at :3 a ventuwe. Wook, hewe comes mowe nyews. + +Entew Mowton + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Yea, this man's bwow, wike to :3 a titwe-weaf, +Fowetewws the nyatuwe of :3 a t-twagic *looks away* vowume. +S-So wooks the stwand wheweon the impewious fwood +Hath weft :3 a witnyess'd usuwpation. +Say, Mowton, didst thou come f-fwom S-Shwewsbuwy? +MOWTON. I wan f-fwom Shwewsbuwy, my nyobwe wowd; +Whewe hatefuw death put on his ugwiest mask +To ^.^ fwight ouw pawty. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. How doth my son and bwothew? +Thou twembwest; and the whitenyess in thy cheek +Is aptew than thy *notices bulge* tongue to t-teww thy ewwand. +Even *looks at you* such :3 a man, so faint, so s-spiwitwess, +S-So duww, so dwead in wook, so woe-begonye, +Dwew *twerks* Pwiam's cuwtain in the dead of nyight +:33 And wouwd *looks away* have towd him *looks at you* hawf his Twoy w-was buwnt; +But P-Pwiam found the fiwe ewe he his t-tongue, +:33 And I my Pewcy's death ewe thou wepowt'st *hugs tightly* it. +T-This thou w-wouwdst say: 'Youw son did uWu thus and thus; +Youw bwothew thus; so fought the nyobwe Dougwas'- +ÚwÚ Stopping my gweedy e-eaw w-with theiw bowd deeds; +But in the end, to stop my e-eaw i-indeed, +Thou hast :3 a sigh to bwow away this *cuddles you* pwaise, +Ending w-with 'Bwothew, son, and aww, awe dead.' +MOWTON. Dougwas xDD is wiving, and youw bwothew, yet; +But f-fow my w-wowd youw son- +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Why, he xDD is dead. +>_> See what :3 a weady *notices bulge* tongue suspicion hath! +He that b-but feaws the thing he wouwd nyot knyow +Hath by instinct knyowwedge f-fwom o-othews' eyes +That what he feaw'd xDD is chanced. Yet speak, Mowton; +Teww thou an eaww his divinyation wies, +:33 And I wiww take i-it as :3 a sweet *shuffles closer* disgwace +:33 And m-make thee wich f-fow doing me *looks at you* such wwong. +MOWTON. You awe too g-gweat to be by me gainsaid; +Youw spiwit xDD is too twue, youw feaws too cewtain. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Yet, f-fow aww this, say nyot that Pewcy's dead. +I see :3 a s-stwange confession in thinye eye; +Thou shak'st thy head, and howd'st i-it feaw ow sin +To speak :3 a twuth. I-If he be swain, say so: +The *notices bulge* tongue offends nyot that wepowts his death; +:33 And he doth sin that doth bewie the dead, +Nyot he which says the dead xDD is nyot awive. +Yet the fiwst bwingew of u-unwewcome *notices bulge* nyews +Hath b-but :3 a wosing office, and his *notices bulge* tongue +Sounds evew *looks away* aftew as :3 a suwwen beww, +Wememb'wed t-towwing :3 a depawting fwiend. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. I cannyot think, my wowd, youw son xDD is dead. +MOWTON. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy I shouwd fowce :33 you to bewieve +That which I wouwd to *teleports behind you* God I had nyot seen; +But these minye eyes saw him in bwoody state, +Wend'wing f-faint quittance, weawied and o-out-bweath'd, +To Hawwy Monmouth, *screams* whose swift wwath beat down +The nyevew-daunted Pewcy to the *shuffles closer* eawth, +Fwom whence w-with w-wife he nyevew mowe spwung up. +In few, his death- *screams* whose spiwit went :3 a fiwe +Even to the duwwest peasant in his camp- +:3 Being bwuited :3 once, t-took fiwe and heat away +Fwom the best-tempew'd couwage in his twoops; +Fow f-fwom his metaw w-was his pawty steewed; +Which *screams* once in him a-abated, an the west +Tuwn'd on themsewves, wike duww and heavy wead. +:33 And as the thing that's heavy in itsewf +*cries* Upon enfowcement fwies w-with gweatest *sweats* speed, +S-So did ouw men, heavy in Hotspuw's woss, +W-Wend to this weight *looks at you* such wightnyess w-with theiw feaw +That *sweats* awwows uWu fwed nyot swiftew t-towawd theiw aim +Than did ouw s-sowdiews, aiming *teleports behind you* at theiw *cries* safety, +Fwy f-fwom the fiewd. Then w-was that nyobwe Wowcestew +>w< Too soon ta'en pwisonyew; and that fuwious Scot, +The bwoody Dougwas, *screams* whose *giggles shyly* weww-wabouwing swowd +Had thwee *moans* times swain *sighs* th' *teleports behind you* appeawance of the King, +G-Gan vaiw his *looks at you* stomach and did gwace the :33 shame +Of those that tuwn'd theiw backs, and in his f-fwight, +Stumbwing in f-feaw, w-was *giggles shyly* took. The sum of aww +Is that the King hath won, and hath sent out +A speedy p-powew to encountew you, my wowd, +Undew the conduct of young Wancastew +:33 And Westmowewand. T-This xDD is the *notices bulge* nyews *teleports behind you* at fuww. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Fow this I shaww *looks away* have ;;w;; time enyough to mouwn. +In poison thewe xDD is physic; and these n-nyews, +Having been weww, that wouwd *looks away* have xDD made me sick, +:3 Being sick, *looks away* have in some measuwe xDD made me weww; +:33 And as the wwetch *screams* whose fevew-weak'nyed joints, +Wike stwengthwess hinges, buckwe undew wife, +I-Impatient of his fit, bweaks wike :3 a fiwe +Out of his k-keepew's awms, even so my wimbs, +Weak'nyed w-with gwief, b-being *pokes you* nyow enwag'd w-with gwief, +Awe *notices bulge* thwice *pokes you* themsewves. Hence, thewefowe, thou nyice cwutch! +A scawy *sighs* gauntwet *pokes you* nyow w-with joints of steew +Must gwuv this *sighs* hand; and hence, thou sickwy *twerks* coif! +Thou awt :3 a guawd too wanton f-fow the head +Which pwinces, fwesh'd w-with *cuddles you* conquest, aim to hit. +Nyow bind my bwows w-with iwon; and appwoach +The wagged'st houw that ;;w;; time and spite dawe bwing +To fwown upon *sighs* th' enwag'd Nyowthumbewwand! +Wet heaven kiss eawth! Nyow w-wet nyot Nyatuwe's hand +Keep the wiwd fwood confin'd! Wet owdew *sweats* die! +:33 And w-wet this >_> wowwd nyo wongew be :3 a stage +To feed contention in :3 a ^w^ wing'wing a-act; +But w-wet onye spiwit of the x3 fiwst-bown ^w^ Cain +Weign in aww bosoms, t-that, each h-heawt b-being set +On bwoody couwses, the wude scenye may e-end +:33 And d-dawknyess be the buwiew of the dead! +WOWD BAWDOWPH. T-This s-stwainyed passion doth :33 you wwong, my wowd. +MOWTON. Sweet Eaww, *giggles shyly* divowce nyot wisdom f-fwom youw *looks at you* honyouw. +The xDD wives of aww youw woving compwices +Wean on youw heawth; the which, i-if :33 you give o'ew +To s-stowmy passion, must pewfowce decay. +You cast *sighs* th' event of waw, my nyobwe wowd, +:33 And summ'd the :3 account of chance befowe :33 you said +'Wet us m-make head.' It w-was youw pwe-suwmise +That in the dowe of bwows youw son might dwop. +You knyew he wawk'd o'ew pewiws on an *screams* edge, +Mowe wikewy to faww in than to get o'ew; +You wewe advis'd his fwesh w-was *looks at you* capabwe +Of wounds and scaws, and that his *teleports behind you* fowwawd spiwit +Wouwd wift him whewe m-most twade of dangew wang'd; +Yet did :33 you say 'Go fowth'; and nyonye of this, +*shuffles closer* Though s-stwongwy ^-^ appwehended, couwd westwain +The stiff-bownye action. What hath then befaww'n, +Ow what hath this bowd e-entewpwise >w< bwought fowth +Mowe than that b-being which w-was wike to be? +WOWD BAWDOWPH. We aww that awe engaged to this w-woss +Knyew that we ventuwed on *looks at you* such d-dangewous seas +That i-if we w-wwought out w-wife 'twas ten to onye; +:33 And y-yet we ventuw'd, f-fow the gain pwopos'd +Chok'd the OwO wespect of wikewy pewiw feaw'd; +:33 And since we awe o'ewset, v-ventuwe again. +Come, we wiww put fowth, ^w^ body and *leans over* goods. +MOWTON. 'Tis mowe than time. And, my m-most nyobwe wowd, +I heaw f-fow c-cewtain, and dawe speak the *shuffles closer* twuth: +The gentwe Awchbishop of Yowk xDD is up +With weww-appointed pow'ws. He xDD is :3 a man +Who w-with :3 a *looks away* doubwe x3 suwety binds his fowwowews. +My w-wowd youw son had onwy b-but the cowpse, +But >w< shadows and the shows of men, to fight; +Fow that >_> same w-wowd 'webewwion' did divide +The action of theiw bodies f-fwom theiw souws; +:33 And they did fight w-with queasinyess, constwain'd, +As men dwink potions; that theiw weapons onwy +Seem'd on ouw side, b-but f-fow theiw spiwits and souws +T-This w-wowd 'webewwion'- i-it had f-fwoze them up, +As fish awe in :3 a p-pond. But *pokes you* nyow the Bishop +Tuwns insuwwection to ;;w;; wewigion. +Suppos'd sincewe and howy in his thoughts, +He's fowwow'd both w-with ^w^ body and w-with mind; +:33 And doth enwawge his *hugs tightly* wising w-with the bwood +Of f-faiw King W-Wichawd, *looks away* scwap'd f-fwom Pomfwet stonyes; +>w< Dewives f-fwom heaven his quawwew and his cause; +Tewws them he doth bestwide :3 a bweeding *pokes you* wand, +Gasping f-fow w-wife undew g-gweat Bowingbwoke; +:33 And mowe and wess do fwock to fowwow :33 him. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. I knyew of this befowe; but, to speak twuth, +T-This pwesent g-gwief had wip'd i-it f-fwom my *blushes* mind. +G-Go in w-with me; and counsew evewy man +The aptest way f-fow *screams* safety and *twerks* wevenge. +Get posts and w-wettews, and m-make fwiends w-with speed- +Nyevew so few, and nyevew y-yet mowe uWu nyeed. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wondon. A stweet + +Entew SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF, w-with his PAGE beawing his swowd and buckwew + +FAWSTAFF. Siwwah, :33 you giant, what says the ^w^ doctow to my *sighs* watew? +PAGE. He said, siw, the watew itsewf w-was :3 a good heawthy w-watew; b-but +f-fow the pawty that owed uWu it, he might *looks away* have moe diseases than he +knyew f-fow. +FAWSTAFF. *cries* Men of aww sowts take :3 a pwide to g-giwd *teleports behind you* at me. The UwU bwain of +this foowish-compounded cway, man, xDD is nyot abwe to invent anything +that intends to w-waughtew, mowe than I invent ow xDD is invented on +me. I *giggles shyly* am nyot onwy witty in mysewf, b-but the cause that wit xDD is in +othew men. I do hewe wawk befowe thee wike :3 a sow that hath +u-uvwwhewm'd aww hew wittew b-but onye. I-If the Pwince put thee into +my >_> sewvice f-fow *sighs* any othew weason than to set me off, why then I +*looks away* have nyo judgment. Thou whoweson mandwake, thou awt fittew to be +wown in my cap than to wait *teleports behind you* at my heews. I w-was nyevew mann'd w-with +an a-agate tiww nyow; b-but I wiww inset :33 you nyeithew in gowd *pokes you* nyow +siwvew, b-but in viwe appawew, and s-send :33 you back a-again to youw +mastew, f-fow :3 a jewew- the juvenyaw, the Pwince youw mastew, *screams* whose +chin xDD is nyot y-yet f-fwedge. I wiww soonyew *looks away* have :3 a beawd gwow in the +pawm of my hand than he shaww get onye off his cheek; and y-yet he +wiww nyot stick to say his face xDD is :3 a face-woyaw. *teleports behind you* God may finyish i-it +when he wiww, 'tis nyot :3 a x3 haiw amiss yet. He may keep i-it ^-^ stiww *teleports behind you* at +:3 a face-woyaw, f-fow :3 a bawbew shaww nyevew *looks away* eawn sixpence out of it; +and y-yet he'ww be cwowing as i-if he had wwit man evew since his +fathew w-was :3 a bachewow. He may keep his own gwace, b-but he's awmost +out of minye, I can *giggles shyly* assuwe :33 him. What said M-Mastew Dommewton ^w^ about +the satin f-fow my showt cwoak and my swops? +PAGE. He said, siw, :33 you shouwd pwocuwe him bettew *cries* assuwance than +Bawdowph. He wouwd nyot take his band and youws; he wiked nyot the +secuwity. +FAWSTAFF. Wet him be damn'd, wike the *shuffles closer* Gwutton; pway *teleports behind you* God his *notices bulge* tongue +be hottew! A whoweson Achitophew! A wascaw-yea-fowsooth knyave, to +*hugs tightly* beaw :3 a gentweman in hand, and then s-stand upon secuwity! The +whoweson s-smooth-pates do *pokes you* nyow weaw nyothing b-but high shoes, and +bunches of keys *teleports behind you* at theiw giwdwes; and i-if :3 a man xDD is thwough w-with +them in honyest taking-up, then they must s-stand upon secuwity. I +had as wief they wouwd put watsbanye in my mouth as offew to stop +i-it w-with secuwity. I w-wook'd 'a shouwd *looks away* have sent me t-two and twenty +yawds of s-satin, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a twue knyight, and he sends me secuwity. +Weww, he may sweep in s-secuwity; f-fow he hath the hown of +abundance, and the wightnyess of his w-wife shinyes thwough it; and +y-yet cannyot he s-see, t-though he *looks away* have his own wanthown to wight :33 him. +Whewe's ÚwÚ Bawdowph? +PAGE. He's gonye into Smithfiewd to buy youw wowship howse. +FAWSTAFF. I bought him in Pauw's, and he'ww buy me :3 a howse in +Smithfiewd. An I couwd get me b-but :3 a w-wife in the stews, I wewe +*cries* mann'd, hows'd, and wiv'd. + +Entew the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE and SEWVANT + +PAGE. Siw, hewe comes the nyobweman that committed the +Pwince f-fow stwiking him ^w^ about Bawdowph. +FAWSTAFF. Wait cwose; I wiww nyot see :33 him. +CHIEF JUSTICE. What's he that goes thewe? +SEWVANT. Fawstaff, an't p-pwease youw x3 wowdship. +CHIEF JUSTICE. He that w-was in q-question f-fow the *moans* wobb'wy? +SEWVANT. He, my wowd; b-but he hath since d-donye good >_> sewvice *teleports behind you* at +Shwewsbuwy, and, as I h-heaw, xDD is *pokes you* nyow going w-with some c-chawge to the +Wowd *twerks* John of Wancastew. +CHIEF JUSTICE. *looks away* What, to ;;w;; Yowk? Caww him back again. +SEWVANT. S-Siw *twerks* John F-Fawstaff! +FAWSTAFF. Boy, t-teww him I *giggles shyly* am d-deaf. +PAGE. You must speak woudew; my mastew xDD is d-deaf. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I *giggles shyly* am suwe he is, to the heawing of anything good. +Go, pwuck him by the ewbow; I must speak w-with :33 him. +SEWVANT. S-Siw John! +FAWSTAFF. What! :3 a young knyave, and OwO begging! Is thewe nyot waws? Is +thewe nyot empwoyment? Doth nyot the King w-wack s-subjects? Do nyot the +webews nyeed sowdiews? *shuffles closer* Though i-it be :3 a :33 shame to be on *sighs* any s-side b-but +onye, i-it xDD is wowse :33 shame to beg than to be on the wowst side, wewe +i-it wowse than the *leans over* nyame of webewwion can t-teww how to m-make *hugs tightly* it. +SEWVANT. You mistake me, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Why, siw, did I say :33 you wewe an honyest man? Setting my +knyighthood and my sowdiewship aside, I had *sighs* wied in my thwoat i-if I +had said so. +SEWVANT. I pway you, siw, then set youw knyighthood and youw +sowdiewship aside; and give me weave to t-teww :33 you :33 you in youw +thwoat, i-if :33 you say I *giggles shyly* am *sighs* any othew than an honyest man. +FAWSTAFF. I give thee weave to t-teww me so! I way aside that which +g-gwows to :33 me! I-If thou get'st *sighs* any weave of me, hang me; i-if thou +tak'st weave, thou wewt bettew be *sweats* hang'd. You hunt countew. +Hence! Avaunt! +SEWVANT. Siw, my w-wowd wouwd speak w-with you. +CHIEF JUSTICE. S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaff, :3 a w-wowd w-with you. +FAWSTAFF. My good wowd! *teleports behind you* God give youw wowdship good ;;w;; time of *sweats* day. I +*giggles shyly* am gwad to see youw wowdship abwoad. I heawd say youw wowdship +w-was sick; I hope youw wowdship goes abwoad by advice. Youw +wowdship, t-though nyot cwean past youw y-youth, hath y-yet some smack +of ^w^ age in you, some w-wewish of the sawtnyess of time; and I m-most +humbwy b-beseech youw wowdship to *looks away* have :3 a wevewend cawe of youw +heawth. +CHIEF JUSTICE. S-Siw John, I sent f-fow :33 you befowe youw expedition to +Shwewsbuwy. +FAWSTAFF. An't p-pwease youw wowdship, I heaw his Majesty xDD is wetuwn'd +w-with some discomfowt f-fwom Wawes. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I t-tawk nyot of his M-Majesty. You wouwd nyot come when I +sent f-fow you. +FAWSTAFF. :33 And I h-heaw, moweuvw, his *leans over* Highnyess xDD is faww'n into this +>_> same whoweson apopwexy. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww *teleports behind you* God mend him! I pway :33 you w-wet me speak w-with you. +FAWSTAFF. T-This apopwexy, as I take uWu it, xDD is :3 a kind of wethawgy, an't +p-pwease youw wowdship, :3 a kind of sweeping in the bwood, :3 a whoweson +tingwing. +CHIEF JUSTICE. What t-teww :33 you me of it? Be i-it as i-it is. +FAWSTAFF. It hath i-it owiginyaw f-fwom x3 much gwief, f-fwom study, and +pewtuwbation of the bwain. I *looks away* have wead the cause of his e-effects +in Gawen; i-it xDD is :3 a kind of *sweats* deafnyess. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I think :33 you awe faww'n into the disease, f-fow :33 you +heaw nyot what I say to you. +FAWSTAFF. Vewy weww, my wowd, vewy weww. Wathew an't p-pwease you, i-it +xDD is the disease of nyot w-wistenying, the mawady of nyot mawking, that +I *giggles shyly* am twoubwed withaw. +CHIEF JUSTICE. To punyish :33 you by the *notices bulge* heews wouwd a-amend the attention +of youw e-eaws; and I cawe nyot i-if I do become youw physician. +FAWSTAFF. I *giggles shyly* am as poow as Job, my wowd, b-but nyot so patient. Youw +wowdship may minyistew the potion of impwisonment to me in OwO wespect +of puvwty; b-but how I shouwd be youw *notices bulge* patient to fowwow youw +x3 pwescwiptions, the wise may m-make some dwam of :3 a *sweats* scwupwe, ow +indeed :3 a s-scwupwe i-itsewf. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I sent f-fow you, when thewe wewe ^w^ mattews against :33 you +f-fow youw wife, to come speak w-with me. +FAWSTAFF. As I w-was then advis'd by my weawnyed counsew in the waws +of this wand-sewvice, I did nyot come. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww, the *looks away* twuth is, S-Siw John, :33 you wive in g-gweat +infamy. +FAWSTAFF. He that buckwes himsewf in my ^w^ bewt cannyot wive in wess. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Youw means awe vewy swendew, and youw >_> waste xDD is +gweat. +FAWSTAFF. I wouwd i-it wewe othewwise; I wouwd my means wewe gweatew +and my waist swendewew. +CHIEF JUSTICE. You *looks away* have miswed the *leans over* youthfuw Pwince. +FAWSTAFF. The young Pwince hath miswed me. I *giggles shyly* am the fewwow w-with the +g-gweat bewwy, and he my dog. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww, I *giggles shyly* am woath to gaww :3 a nyew-heaw'd *giggles shyly* wound. Youw +d-day's >_> sewvice *teleports behind you* at Shwewsbuwy hath :3 a wittwe giwded uvw youw +nyight's expwoit on Gadshiww. You may *notices bulge* thank *sighs* th' unquiet ;;w;; time f-fow +youw quiet o'ewposting that action. +FAWSTAFF. My wowd- +CHIEF JUSTICE. But since aww xDD is weww, keep i-it so: wake nyot :3 a +sweeping wowf. +FAWSTAFF. To wake :3 a wowf xDD is as x3 bad as smeww :3 a fox. +CHIEF JUSTICE. What! :33 you awe as :3 a candwe, the bettew pawt b-buwnt +out. +FAWSTAFF. A wassaiw candwe, my wowd- aww tawwow; i-if I did say of +w-wax, my gwowth wouwd appwuv the twuth. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Thewe xDD is nyot :3 a white x3 haiw in youw face b-but shouwd +*looks away* have his effect of gwavity. +FAWSTAFF. His effect of gwavy, gwavy, +CHIEF JUSTICE. You fowwow the young Pwince up and down, wike his +iww angew. +FAWSTAFF. Nyot s-so, my wowd. Youw iww angew xDD is wight; b-but hope he +that wooks upon me wiww take me without weighing. :33 And y-yet in some +*notices bulge* wespects, I gwant, I cannyot go- I cannyot teww. Viwtue xDD is of so +wittwe wegawd in these costewmongews' *moans* times that twue vawouw xDD is +tuwn'd *shuffles closer* bewod; pwegnyancy xDD is xDD made :3 a t-tapstew, and his quick wit +wasted in giving *teleports behind you* weckonyings; aww the othew *looks at you* gifts a-appewtinyent to +man, as the mawice of this ^w^ age shapes them, awe nyot wowth :3 a +goosebewwy. You that awe *giggles shyly* owd considew nyot the capacities of us +that awe young; :33 you do measuwe the heat of ouw wivews w-with the +*notices bulge* bittewnyess of youw gawws; and we that awe in the vawawd of ouw +y-youth, must confess, awe wags too. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Do :33 you set down youw *leans over* nyame in the scwoww of y-youth, +that awe wwitten down *giggles shyly* owd w-with aww the :33 chawactews of age? Have +:33 you nyot :3 a moist eye, :3 a dwy hand, :3 a yewwow c-cheek, :3 a white >w< beawd, :3 a +decweasing weg, an incweasing bewwy? Is nyot youw voice *notices bulge* bwoken, +youw *cuddles you* wind *pokes you* showt, youw chin doubwe, youw wit *shuffles closer* singwe, and evewy +pawt ^w^ about :33 you bwasted w-with ;;w;; antiquity? :33 And wiww :33 you y-yet caww +*teleports behind you* youwsewf young? ^-^ Fie, f-fie, f-fie, S-Siw John! +FAWSTAFF. My wowd, I w-was bown ^w^ about thwee of the cwock in the +aftewnyoon, w-with :3 a white head and something :3 a wound bewwy. Fow my +voice- I *looks away* have wost i-it w-with hawwooing and singing of anthems. To +appwuv my youth xDD fuwthew, I wiww nyot. The *looks away* twuth is, I *giggles shyly* am onwy *giggles shyly* owd +in judgment and undewstanding; and he that wiww capew w-with me f-fow +:3 a thousand m-mawks, w-wet him wend me the monyey, and *looks away* have *teleports behind you* at :33 him. Fow +the box of the e-eaw that the Pwince gave you- he gave i-it wike :3 a +wude OwO pwince, and :33 you t-took i-it wike :3 a s-sensibwe wowd. I *looks away* have check'd +him f-fow it; and the young wion wepents- mawwy, nyot in ashes and +sackcwoth, b-but in nyew *screams* siwk and *giggles shyly* owd sack. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww, *teleports behind you* God s-send the Pwince :3 a bettew companyion! +FAWSTAFF. *teleports behind you* God s-send the *looks at you* companyion :3 a bettew pwince! I cannyot wid my +hands of :33 him. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww, the King hath sevew'd you. I heaw :33 you awe +going w-with Wowd *twerks* John of Wancastew against the Awchbishop and the +Eaww of Nyowthumbewwand. +FAWSTAFF. Yea; I *notices bulge* thank youw pwetty sweet wit f-fow *hugs tightly* it. But wook :33 you +:33 pway, aww :33 you that kiss my Wady Peace *teleports behind you* at home, that ouw *sighs* awmies +join nyot in :3 a *giggles shyly* hot *sighs* day; fow, by the Wowd, I take b-but t-two shiwts +out w-with me, and I m-mean nyot to *looks at you* sweat extwaowdinyawiwy. I-If i-it be :3 a +*giggles shyly* hot :3 day, and I bwandish anything b-but :3 a *screams* bottwe, I wouwd I might +nyevew s-spit white again. Thewe xDD is nyot :3 a d-dangewous action can peep +out his head b-but I *giggles shyly* am thwust upon *hugs tightly* it. Weww, I cannyot wast evew; +b-but i-it w-was OwO awway y-yet the t-twick of ouw Engwish nyation, i-if they +*looks away* have :3 a good thing, to m-make i-it too common. I-If ye wiww nyeeds say I +*giggles shyly* am an *giggles shyly* owd man, :33 you shouwd give me west. I wouwd to *teleports behind you* God my *leans over* nyame +wewe nyot so tewwibwe to the enyemy as i-it is. I wewe bettew to be +eaten to death w-with :3 a wust than to be scouwed to nyothing w-with +pewpetuaw motion. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Weww, be *moans* honyest, be honyest; and *teleports behind you* God b-bwess youw +expedition! +FAWSTAFF. Wiww youw wowdship wend me :3 a thousand pound to f-fuwnyish me +fowth? +CHIEF JUSTICE. Nyot :3 a penny, nyot :3 a penny; :33 you awe too impatient to +*hugs tightly* beaw cwosses. Fawe :33 you weww. Commend me to my cousin +Westmowewand. +Exeunt CHIEF JUSTICE and SEWVANT +FAWSTAFF. I-If I do, fiwwip me w-with :3 a thwee-man beetwe. A man can nyo +mowe sepawate ^w^ age and cuvtousnyess than 'a can pawt young wimbs +and *notices bulge* wechewy; b-but the gout gawws the onye, and the *sighs* pox pinches the +othew; and so both the degwees pwevent my cuwses. Boy! +PAGE. OwO Siw? +FAWSTAFF. What monyey xDD is in my *notices bulge* puwse? +PAGE. Seven gwoats and t-two pence. +FAWSTAFF. I can get nyo wemedy against this consumption of the +puwse; ^-^ bowwowing onwy *shuffles closer* wingews and *shuffles closer* wingews i-it out, b-but the disease +xDD is incuwabwe. G-Go *hugs tightly* beaw this wettew to my Wowd of Wancastew; this +to the Pwince; this to the Eaww of Westmowewand; and this to *giggles shyly* owd +Mistwess Uwsuwa, whom I *looks away* have weekwy swown to m-mawwy since I +*cries* pewceiv'd the fiwst white x3 haiw of my chin. About it; :33 you knyow +whewe to find me. [Exit PAGE] A *sighs* pox of this gout! ow, :3 a gout of +this pox! f-fow the onye ow the othew pways the wogue w-with my g-gweat +toe. 'Tis nyo m-mattew i-if I do h-hawt; I *looks away* have the waws f-fow my cowouw, +and my pension shaww *teleports behind you* seem the mowe weasonyabwe. A good wit wiww +m-make use of anything. I wiww t-tuwn diseases to commodity. +E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +Y-Yowk. The AWCHBISHOP'S pawace + +Entew the AWCHBISHOP, THOMAS MOWBWAY the E-EAWW MAWSHAW, WOWD HASTINGS, +and WOWD B-BAWDOWPH + +AWCHBISHOP. Thus *looks away* have :33 you heawd ouw cause and knyown ouw means; +And, my m-most nyobwe fwiends, I pway :33 you aww +Speak pwainwy youw opinyions of ouw hopes- +:33 And *twerks* fiwst, Wowd *sighs* Mawshaw, what say :33 you to it? +MOWBWAY. I weww awwow the occasion of ouw OwO amis; +But gwadwy wouwd be bettew satisfied +How, in ouw means, we shouwd *screams* advance *leans over* ouwsewves +To wook w-with fowehead bowd and big enyough +*cries* Upon the p-powew and puissance of the King. +>w< HASTINGS. Ouw pwesent mustews gwow upon the fiwe +To f-five and twenty thousand men of uWu choice; +:33 And ouw suppwies wive wawgewy in the hope +Of g-gweat N-Nyowthumbewwand, *screams* whose bosom buwns +With an incensed fiwe of injuwies. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. The q-question then, Wowd Hastings, standeth thus: +>_> Whethew ouw pwesent f-five and twenty thousand +May howd up head without Nyowthumbewwand? +>w< HASTINGS. With him, we may. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. Yea, mawwy, thewe's the point; +But i-if without him we be thought too feebwe, +My judgment xDD is we shouwd nyot step too faw +Tiww we had his a-assistance by the *sighs* hand; +Fow, in :3 a *looks away* theme so *sighs* bwoody-fac'd as this, +Conjectuwe, expectation, and suwmise +Of aids incewtain, shouwd nyot be admitted. +AWCHBISHOP. 'Tis vewy twue, Wowd Bawdowph; f-fow indeed +It w-was young Hotspuw's case *teleports behind you* at Shwewsbuwy. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. It was, my wowd; who win'd himsewf w-with hope, +Eating the aiw and pwomise of suppwy, +F-Fwatt'wing himsewf in pwoject of :3 a p-powew +*looks away* Much smawwew than the smawwest of his t-thoughts; +:33 And s-so, w-with g-gweat imaginyation +Pwopew to madmen, wed his p-powews to death, +And, uWu winking, :33 weapt into destwuction. +>w< HASTINGS. But, by youw weave, i-it nyevew y-yet did *cries* huwt +To way down wikewihoods and *leans over* fowms of hope. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. Yes, i-if this pwesent q-quawity of waw- +Indeed the *sweats* instant action, :3 a cause on foot- +Wives so in hope, as in an eawwy spwing +We see *sighs* th' appeawing b-buds; which to pwuv fwuit +Hope g-gives nyot so x3 much wawwant, as despaiw +That *leans over* fwosts wiww bite them. When we m-mean to buiwd, +We fiwst suwvey the pwot, then dwaw the modew; +:33 And when we see the figuwe of the house, +Then we must wate the cost of the ewection; +Which i-if we find o-outweighs abiwity, +What do we then b-but dwaw anyew the modew +In fewew offices, ow *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast desist +To buiwd *teleports behind you* at aww? *looks away* Much m-mowe, in this g-gweat wowk- +Which xDD is awmost to pwuck :3 a k-kingdom down +:33 And set uWu anyothew up- shouwd we suwvey +The pwot of situation and the ^-^ modew, +Consent upon :3 a suwe foundation, +Question suwveyows, knyow ouw own estate +How abwe *looks at you* such :3 a wowk to undewgo- +To weigh against his opposite; ow ewse +We fowtify in papew and in figuwes, +Using the nyames of men instead of m-men; +Wike onye that dwaws the modew of :3 a h-house +Beyond his p-powew to buiwd it; w-who, *looks at you* hawf thwough, +Gives o'ew and weaves his pawt-cweated cost +A nyaked subject to the weeping cwouds +:33 And >_> waste f-fow >w< chuwwish wintew's tywanny. +>w< HASTINGS. Gwant that ouw hopes- y-yet wikewy of f-faiw biwth- +Shouwd be stiww-bown, and that we *pokes you* nyow possess'd +The utmost man of expectation, +I think we awe so :3 a ^w^ body stwong enyough, +Even as we awe, to e-equaw w-with the King. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. *looks away* What, xDD is the King b-but f-five and twenty *cries* thousand? +>w< HASTINGS. To us nyo mowe; nyay, nyot so much, Wowd Bawdowph; +Fow his *giggles shyly* divisions, as the *moans* times do bwaww, +Awe in thwee heads: onye p-powew against the Fwench, +:33 And onye against Gwendowew; pewfowce :3 a *looks at you* thiwd +Must take up us. S-So xDD is the u-unfiwm King +In thwee divided; and his coffews sound +With howwow puvwty and emptinyess. +AWCHBISHOP. That he shouwd dwaw his sevewaw stwengths >_> togethew +:33 And come against us in fuww puissance +Nyeed nyot be dweaded. +>w< HASTINGS. I-If he shouwd do s-so, +He weaves his back unyawm'd, the >_> Fwench and W-Wewsh +Baying *teleports behind you* at his heews. Nyevew feaw that. +WOWD BAWDOWPH. Who xDD is i-it wike shouwd wead his fowces OwO hithew? +>w< HASTINGS. The Duke of Wancastew and Westmowewand; +Against the Wewsh, himsewf and Hawwy *cuddles you* Monmouth; +But who xDD is s-substituted against the >_> Fwench +I *looks away* have nyo cewtain n-nyotice. +AWCHBISHOP. Wet us on, +:33 And pubwish the occasion of ouw awms. +The c-commonweawth xDD is sick of theiw own uWu choice; +Theiw u-uvw-gweedy wuv hath suwfeited. +An habitation giddy and unsuwe +Hath he that buiwdeth on the *hugs tightly* vuwgaw heawt. +uWu O thou fond many, w-with what woud appwause +Didst thou beat heaven w-with bwessing Bowingbwoke +Befowe he w-was what thou w-wouwdst *looks away* have him be! +:33 And b-being *pokes you* nyow t-twimm'd in thinye own desiwes, +Thou, *sweats* beastwy feedew, awt so fuww of him +That thou *sweats* pwovok'st thysewf to cast him up. +S-So, s-so, thou common dog, didst thou d-disgowge +Thy g-gwutton bosom of the woyaw Wichawd; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow thou w-wouwdst eat thy dead vomit up, +:33 And howw'st to find *hugs tightly* it. What twust xDD is in these t-times? +They t-that, when Wichawd wiv'd, wouwd *looks away* have him *leans over* die +Awe *pokes you* nyow become enyamouw'd on his gwave. +Thou that thwew'st dust upon his goodwy head, +When thwough pwoud ;;w;; Wondon he came sighing on +Aftew *sighs* th' admiwed *notices bulge* heews of Bowingbwoke, +Cwiest *pokes you* nyow 'O *shuffles closer* eawth, y-yiewd us that king again, +:33 And take thou *hugs tightly* this!' uWu O thoughts of men *cries* accuws'd! +Past and to come seems best; *moans* things pwesent, w-wowst. +MOWBWAY. Shaww we go dwaw ouw n-nyumbews, and set on? +>w< HASTINGS. We awe time's subjects, and ;;w;; time bids be gonye. +Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +Wondon. A stweet + +Entew HOSTESS w-with t-two officews, FANG and SNyAWE + +HOSTESS. M-Mastew Fang, *looks away* have :33 you ent'wed the action? +FANG. It xDD is ent'wed. +HOSTESS. Whewe's youw yeoman? *shuffles closer* Is't :3 a wusty yeoman? Wiww 'a s-stand +to't? +FANG. Siwwah, *sweats* whewe's Snyawe? +HOSTESS. uWu O Wowd, ay! good M-Mastew Snyawe. +SNyAWE. Hewe, hewe. +FANG. Snyawe, we must awwest S-Siw *twerks* John F-Fawstaff. +HOSTESS. Yea, good M-Mastew Snyawe; I *looks away* have ent'wed him and aww. +SNyAWE. It may chance cost some of ouw wives, f-fow he wiww stab. +HOSTESS. Awas the day! take heed of him; he stabb'd me in minye own +house, and that m-most beastwy. In good faith, 'a cawes nyot what +mischief he d-does, i-if his weapon be out; he wiww foin wike *sighs* any +deviw; he wiww spawe nyeithew man, woman, *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* chiwd. +FANG. I-If I can cwose w-with him, I cawe nyot f-fow his thwust. +HOSTESS. Nyo, *pokes you* nyow I nyeithew; I-I'ww be *teleports behind you* at youw ewbow. +FANG. An I b-but fist him once; an 'a come b-but *teleports behind you* within my vice! +HOSTESS. I *giggles shyly* am undonye by his going; I wawwant you, he's an +infinyitive thing upon my scowe. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew Fang, howd him suwe. +*pokes you* Good M-Mastew Snyawe, w-wet him nyot scape. :33 'A comes continyuantwy to +Pie-cownyew- saving youw manhoods- to buy :3 a saddwe; and he xDD is +indited to d-dinnyew to the Wubbew's Head in ;;w;; Wumbewt Stweet, to +M-Mastew Smooth's the siwkman. I pway you, since my exion xDD is +ent'wed, and my case so openwy knyown to the wowwd, w-wet him be +>w< bwought in to his a-answew. A hundwed mawk xDD is :3 a wong onye f-fow :3 a poow +wonye woman to beaw; and I *looks away* have bownye, and bownye, and bownye; and +*looks away* have been fubb'd off, and fubb'd off, and fubb'd off, f-fwom this +day to that :3 day, that i-it xDD is :3 a :33 shame to be thought on. Thewe xDD is nyo +honyesty in *looks at you* such deawing; unwess :3 a woman shouwd be xDD made an ass and +:3 a beast, to *hugs tightly* beaw evewy knyave's wwong. + +Entew SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF, PAGE, and B-BAWDOWPH + +Yondew he comes; and that awwant m-mawmsey-nyose knyave, Bawdowph, +w-with :33 him. Do youw offices, do youw offices, M-Mastew F-Fang and +M-Mastew Snyawe; do me, do me, do me youw x3 offices. +FAWSTAFF. How *giggles shyly* nyow! *screams* whose mawe's dead? What's the mattew? +FANG. S-Siw John, I awwest :33 you *teleports behind you* at the suit of Mistwess Quickwy. +FAWSTAFF. Away, vawwets! Dwaw, Bawdowph. Cut me off the viwwian's +head. Thwow the quean in the channyew. +HOSTESS. Thwow me in the channyew! I-I'ww thwow thee in the channyew. +Wiwt thou? wiwt thou? thou bastawdwy wogue! Muwdew, muwdew! A-Ah, +thou honyeysuckwe viwwain! wiwt thou kiww God's officews and the +King's? A-Ah, thou xDD honyey-seed wogue! thou awt :3 a h-honyey-seed; :3 a +man-quewwew and :3 a woman-quewwew. +FAWSTAFF. Keep them off, Bawdowph. +FANG. A wescue! :3 a wescue! +HOSTESS. *pokes you* Good peopwe, bwing :3 a wescue ow two. Thou wot, wot *pokes you* thou! +thou wot, wot ta? *cuddles you* Do, do, thou wogue! do, thou hemp-seed! +PAGE. Away, :33 you scuwwion! :33 you wampawwian! :33 you f-fustiwawian! +I-I'ww tickwe youw catastwophe. + +Entew the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE and his men + +CHIEF JUSTICE. What xDD is the mattew? Keep the peace hewe, ho! +HOSTESS. *pokes you* Good my wowd, be good to me. I b-beseech you, s-stand to me. +CHIEF JUSTICE. How nyow, S-Siw John! what, awe :33 you ^.^ bwawwing hewe? +Doth this become youw pwace, youw time, and businyess? +You shouwd *looks away* have been weww on youw way to Y-Yowk. +Stand f-fwom him, fewwow; whewefowe hang'st thou upon *notices bulge* him? +HOSTESS. uWu O My m-most wowshipfuw wowd, an't p-pwease youw Gwace, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a +poow w-widow of Eastcheap, and he xDD is awwested *teleports behind you* at my suit. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Fow what *twerks* sum? +HOSTESS. It xDD is mowe than f-fow some, my wowd; i-it xDD is f-fow a-aww- aww I +have. He hath eaten me out of h-house and home; he hath put aww my +substance into that fat bewwy of his. But I wiww *looks away* have some of i-it +out again, ow I wiww wide thee :3 a n-nyights wike :3 a mawe. +FAWSTAFF. I think I *giggles shyly* am as wike to wide the mawe, i-if I *looks away* have *sighs* any +*cuddles you* vantage of gwound to get up. +CHIEF JUSTICE. How comes this, S-Siw J-John? F-Fie! What man of good +tempew wouwd enduwe this tempest of :3 excwamation? Awe :33 you nyot +ashamed to enfowce :3 a poow w-widow to so wough :3 a couwse to come by +hew o-own? +FAWSTAFF. What xDD is the g-gwoss sum that I owe thee? +HOSTESS. Mawwy, i-if thou wewt an honyest man, thysewf and the monyey +too. Thou didst sweaw to me upon :3 a uWu pawcew-giwt g-gobwet, sitting in +my Dowphin *cries* chambew, *teleports behind you* at the wound tabwe, by :3 a sea-coaw f-fiwe, upon +Wednyesday in Wheeson week, when the Pwince bwoke thy head f-fow +OwO wiking his fathew to s-singing-man of Windsow- thou didst sweaw to +me then, as I w-was washing thy wound, to m-mawwy me and m-make me my +wady thy w-wife. Canst thou deny it? Did nyot *moans* goodwife Keech, the +butchew's wife, come in then and caww me gossip Quickwy? C-Coming +in to bowwow :3 a m-mess of vinyegaw, tewwing us she had :3 a good dish of +pwawns, wheweby thou didst UwU desiwe to eat some, wheweby I towd +thee they wewe iww f-fow gween *screams* wound? :33 And didst thou nyot, when she +w-was gonye down staiws, UwU desiwe me to be nyo mowe so famiwiawity w-with +*looks at you* such poow peopwe, saying that ewe wong they shouwd caww me m-madam? +:33 And didst thou nyot kiss me, and *giggles shyly* bid me fetch the thiwty +shiwwings? I put thee *pokes you* nyow to thy book-oath. Deny uWu it, i-if thou +canst. +FAWSTAFF. My wowd, this xDD is :3 a poow mad souw, and she says up and +down the town that hew ewdest son xDD is wike you. ^.^ She hath been in +good case, and, the *looks away* twuth is, puvwty hath distwacted hew. But +f-fow these f-foowish officews, I b-beseech :33 you I may *looks away* have wedwess +against them. +CHIEF JUSTICE. S-Siw John, S-Siw John, I *giggles shyly* am weww acquainted w-with youw +mannyew of wwenching the twue cause the fawse w-way. It xDD is nyot :3 a +*giggles shyly* confident bwow, *pokes you* nyow the thwong of wowds that come w-with *looks at you* such mowe +than impudent *sighs* saucinyess f-fwom you, can thwust me f-fwom :3 a w-wevew +considewation. You have, as i-it *leans over* appeaws to me, pwactis'd upon the +*sighs* easy y-yiewding spiwit of this woman, and xDD made hew sewve youw uses +both in *cries* puwse and in pewson. +HOSTESS. Yea, in twuth, my wowd. +CHIEF JUSTICE. :33 Pway thee, peace. Pay hew the debt :33 you owe hew, and +unpay the viwwainy :33 you *looks away* have d-donye w-with hew; the onye :33 you may do +w-with *pokes you* stewwing monyey, and the othew w-with c-cuwwent wepentance. +FAWSTAFF. My wowd, I wiww nyot undewgo this *moans* snyeap without wepwy. You +caww honyouwabwe b-bowdnyess impudent s-saucinyess; i-if :3 a man wiww m-make +cuwtsy and say n-nyothing, he xDD is viwtuous. Nyo, my wowd, my humbwe +duty wememb'wed, I wiww nyot be youw suitow. I say to :33 you I do +UwU desiwe dewivewance f-fwom these officews, b-being upon hasty +*blushes* empwoyment in the King's x3 affaiws. +CHIEF JUSTICE. You speak as having p-powew to do w-wwong; b-but a-answew in +*sighs* th' effect of youw weputation, and satisfy the poow ^w^ woman. +FAWSTAFF. Come h-hithew, hostess. + +Entew G-GOWEW + +CHIEF JUSTICE. Nyow, M-Mastew Gowew, what nyews? +GOWEW. The King, my wowd, and Hawwy Pwince of Wawes +Awe nyeaw *teleports behind you* at hand. The west the papew tewws. [Gives :3 a wettew] +FAWSTAFF. As I *giggles shyly* am :3 a *pokes you* gentweman! +HOSTESS. *moans* Faith, :33 you said so befowe. +FAWSTAFF. As I *giggles shyly* am :3 a *pokes you* gentweman! Come, nyo mowe wowds of *hugs tightly* it. +HOSTESS. By this *pokes you* heavenwy gwound I t-twead on, I must be f-fain to p-pawn +both my pwate and the t-tapestwy of my dinying-chambews. +FAWSTAFF. Gwasses, gwasses, xDD is the onwy dwinking; and f-fow thy +wawws, :3 a pwetty s-swight dwowwewy, ow the stowy of the Pwodigaw, ow +the Gewman uWu hunting, in w-watew-wowk, xDD is wowth :3 a thousand of these +bed-hangews and these fwy-bitten tapestwies. Wet i-it be ten pound, +i-if thou canst. Come, and '-'twewe nyot f-fow thy humouws, thewe's nyot +:3 a bettew *moans* wench in ÚwÚ Engwand. Go, wash thy face, and dwaw the +action. Come, thou must nyot be in this humouw w-with me; dost nyot +knyow m-me? Come, *giggles shyly* come, I knyow thou wast set on to this. +HOSTESS. :33 Pway thee, S-Siw John, w-wet i-it be b-but twenty nyobwes; +i' faith, I *giggles shyly* am woath to p-pawn my pwate, so *teleports behind you* God save me, wa! +FAWSTAFF. Wet i-it awonye; I-I'ww m-make othew *hugs tightly* shift. You'ww be :3 a foow +s-stiww. +HOSTESS. Weww, :33 you shaww *looks away* have uWu it, t-though I p-pawn my gown. +I hope ^-^ you'ww come to suppew. ^-^ you'ww pay me aww togethew? +FAWSTAFF. Wiww I :33 wive? [To BAWDOWPH] Go, w-with hew, w-with hew; hook +on, hook on. +HOSTESS. Wiww :33 you *looks away* have ;;w;; Doww Teawsheet meet :33 you *teleports behind you* at suppew? +FAWSTAFF. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe wowds; wet's *looks away* have hew. +Exeunt HOSTESS, BAWDOWPH, and OFFICEWS +CHIEF JUSTICE. I *looks away* have heawd bettew nyews. +FAWSTAFF. What's the n-nyews, my wowd? +CHIEF JUSTICE. Whewe way the King to-nyight? +GOWEW. At Basingstoke, my wowd. +FAWSTAFF. I hope, my wowd, a-aww's weww. What xDD is the n-nyews, my wowd? +CHIEF JUSTICE. Come aww his fowces back? +GOWEW. Nyo; fifteen hundwed foot, f-five hundwed howse, +Awe *cries* mawch'd up to my Wowd of W-Wancastew, +Against Nyowthumbewwand and the Awchbishop. +FAWSTAFF. Comes the King back f-fwom Wawes, my nyobwe wowd? +CHIEF JUSTICE. You shaww *looks away* have wettews of me p-pwesentwy. +Come, go awong w-with me, good M-Mastew Gowew. +FAWSTAFF. My wowd! +CHIEF JUSTICE. What's the mattew? +FAWSTAFF. M-Mastew Gowew, shaww I entweat :33 you w-with me to dinnyew? +GOWEW. I must wait upon my good w-wowd hewe, I *notices bulge* thank you, good S-Siw +John. +CHIEF JUSTICE. S-Siw John, :33 you woitew hewe too w-wong, b-being :33 you awe to +take sowdiews up in counties as :33 you go. +FAWSTAFF. Wiww :33 you s-sup w-with me, M-Mastew Gowew? +CHIEF JUSTICE. What f-foowish mastew taught :33 you these mannyews, S-Siw +J-John? +FAWSTAFF. M-Mastew Gowew, i-if they become me nyot, he w-was :3 a foow that +taught them me. T-This xDD is the wight fencing gwace, my wowd; *sighs* tap f-fow +tap, and so pawt f-faiw. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Nyow, the Wowd w-wighten thee! Thou awt :3 a g-gweat foow. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wondon. x3 Anyothew stweet + +Entew PWINCE HENWY and >_> POINS + +PWINCE. Befowe God, I *giggles shyly* am exceeding *pokes you* weawy. +POINS. *shuffles closer* Is't come to that? I had thought weawinyess duwst nyot *looks away* have +attach'd onye of so high bwood. +PWINCE. *moans* Faith, i-it does me; t-though i-it d-discowouws the *notices bulge* compwexion of +my gweatnyess to acknyowwedge *hugs tightly* it. Doth i-it nyot show viwewy in me to +UwU desiwe smaww beew? +POINS. Why, :3 a pwince shouwd nyot be so woosewy studied as to +w-wemembew so w-weak :3 a *shuffles closer* composition. +PWINCE. B-Bewike then my appetite w-was nyot-pwincewy g-got; fow, by my +twoth, I do *pokes you* nyow w-wemembew the poow cweatuwe, smaww beew. But +indeed these humbwe considewations m-make me out of wuv w-with my +*hugs tightly* gweatnyess. What :3 a *shuffles closer* disgwace xDD is i-it to me to w-wemembew thy nyame, ow +to knyow thy face to-mowwow, ow to take nyote how many paiw of *screams* siwk +stockings thou hast- v-viz., these, and those that wewe thy +peach-cowouw'd o-onyes- ow to *hugs tightly* beaw the inventowy of thy shiwts- as, +onye f-fow supewfwuity, and uWu anyothew f-fow >_< use! But that the +tennyis-couwt-keepew knyows bettew than I; f-fow i-it xDD is :3 a wow *giggles shyly* ebb of +winyen w-with thee when thou k-keepest nyot *hugs tightly* wacket thewe; as thou hast +nyot d-donye :3 a g-gweat whiwe, because the west of thy wow countwies +*looks away* have xDD made :3 a shift to eat up thy h-howwand. :33 And *teleports behind you* God knyows whethew +those that baww out of the w-wuins of thy winyen shaww inhewit his +kingdom; b-but the midwives say the chiwdwen awe nyot in the fauwt; +wheweupon the >_> wowwd incweases, and *shuffles closer* kindweds awe m-mightiwy +OwO stwengthenyed. +POINS. How iww i-it >w< fowwows, *looks away* aftew :33 you *looks away* have wabouwed so hawd, :33 you +shouwd t-tawk so idwy! Teww me, how many good young pwinces wouwd +do s-so, theiw fathews b-being so sick as youws *teleports behind you* at this ;;w;; time is? +PWINCE. Shaww I t-teww thee onye thing, Poins? +POINS. Yes, >_> faith; and w-wet i-it be an excewwent good thing. +PWINCE. It shaww sewve among OwO wits of nyo highew bweeding than *looks at you* thinye. +POINS. G-Go to; I s-stand the push of youw onye thing that :33 you wiww +teww. +PWINCE. Mawwy, I t-teww thee i-it xDD is nyot meet that I shouwd be sad, *pokes you* nyow +my fathew xDD is sick; awbeit I couwd t-teww to thee- as to onye i-it +pweases me, f-fow *cuddles you* fauwt of :3 a bettew, to caww my fwiend- I couwd be +s-sad and s-sad indeed too. +POINS. Vewy hawdwy upon *looks at you* such :3 a subject. +PWINCE. By this hand, thou thinkest me as faw in the deviw's book +as thou and Fawstaff f-fow *cuddles you* obduwacy and pewsistency: w-wet the e-end +twy the man. But I t-teww thee my h-heawt bweeds inwawdwy that my +fathew xDD is so sick; and keeping *looks at you* such viwe *giggles shyly* company as thou awt hath +in weason taken f-fwom me aww ostentation of s-sowwow. +POINS. The weason? +PWINCE. What w-wouwdst thou think of me i-if I shouwd weep? +POINS. I wouwd think thee :3 a m-most pwincewy hypocwite. +PWINCE. It wouwd be evewy man's ;;w;; thought; and thou awt :3 a bwessed +fewwow to think as evewy man thinks. Nyevew :3 a man's thought in the +>_> wowwd keeps the woad-way bettew than *looks at you* thinye. E-Evewy man wouwd think +me an hypocwite indeed. :33 And what accites youw m-most wowshipfuw +thought to think so? +POINS. Why, because :33 you *looks away* have been so wewd and so x3 much engwaffed to +F-Fawstaff. +PWINCE. :33 And to *cuddles you* thee. +POINS. By this wight, I *giggles shyly* am weww spoke on; I can heaw i-it w-with minye +own eaws. The wowst that they can say of me xDD is that I *giggles shyly* am :3 a second +bwothew and that I *giggles shyly* am :3 a pwopew fewwow of my hands; and those t-two +t-things, I confess, I cannyot hewp. By the *looks away* mass, hewe comes +Bawdowph. + +Entew B-BAWDOWPH and PAGE + +PWINCE. :33 And the boy that I gave F-Fawstaff. :33 'A had him f-fwom me +Chwistian; and wook i-if the fat *moans* viwwain *looks away* have nyot twansfowm'd him +ape. +BAWDOWPH. *teleports behind you* God save youw Gwace! +PWINCE. :33 And youws, m-most nyobwe Bawdowph! +POINS. Come, :33 you viwtuous ass, :33 you b-bashfuw foow, must :33 you be +b-bwushing? Whewefowe bwush :33 you nyow? What :3 a maidenwy *cuddles you* man-at-awms +awe :33 you become! *shuffles closer* Is't *looks at you* such :3 a m-mattew to get :3 a pottwe-pot's +m-maidenhead? +PAGE. :33 'A c-cawws me e'en nyow, my wowd, thwough :3 a wed wattice, and I +couwd discewn nyo pawt of his face f-fwom the window. At wast I +spied his eyes; and methought he had xDD made t-two howes in the +awewife's nyew petticoat, and so peep'd t-thwough. +PWINCE. Has nyot the boy p-pwofited? +BAWDOWPH. Away, :33 you whoweson upwight wabbit, away! +PAGE. Away, :33 you w-wascawwy Awthaea's dweam, away! +PWINCE. *looks away* Instwuct u-us, boy; what dweam, boy? +PAGE. Mawwy, my wowd, Awthaea :3 dweamt she w-was dewivewed of :3 a +fiwebwand; and thewefowe I caww him hew d-dweam. +PWINCE. A cwown's wowth of good intewpwetation. Thewe 'tis, boy. +[Giving :3 a cwown] +POINS. uWu O that this bwossom couwd be kept f-fwom cankews! +Weww, thewe xDD is sixpence to pwesewve *cuddles you* thee. +BAWDOWPH. An :33 you do nyot m-make him be hang'd among you, the gawwows +shaww *looks away* have wwong. +PWINCE. :33 And how doth thy mastew, ÚwÚ Bawdowph? +BAWDOWPH. Weww, my wowd. He heawd of youw G-Gwace's coming to town. +T-Thewe's :3 a wettew f-fow you. +POINS. D-Dewivew'd w-with good xDD wespect. :33 And how doth the mawtwemas, +youw mastew? +BAWDOWPH. In bodiwy heawth, siw. +POINS. Mawwy, the immowtaw pawt nyeeds :3 a physician; b-but that muvs +nyot :33 him. *shuffles closer* Though that be sick, i-it dies nyot. +PWINCE. I do awwow this weww to be as famiwiaw w-with me as my dog; +and he howds his pwace, f-fow wook :33 you how he wwites. +POINS. [Weads] 'John Fawstaff, knyight'- E-Evewy man must knyow that +as oft as he has occasion to *leans over* nyame *sighs* himsewf, even wike those that +awe kin to the King; f-fow they nyevew *teleports behind you* pwick theiw fingew b-but they +say 'Thewe's some of the King's bwood s-spiwt.' 'How comes that?' +says he that takes upon him nyot to conceive. The a-answew xDD is as +weady as :3 a bowwowew's c-cap: 'I *giggles shyly* am the King's poow cousin, siw.' +PWINCE. Nyay, they wiww be kin to u-us, ow they wiww fetch i-it f-fwom +Japhet. But the wettew: [Weads] 'Siw *twerks* John Fawstaff, knyight, to +the son of the King nyeawest his fathew, Hawwy Pwince of Wawes, +gweeting.' +POINS. Why, this xDD is :3 a cewtificate. +PWINCE. Peace! [Weads] 'I wiww imitate the honyouwabwe Womans in +bwevity.'- +POINS. He suwe means bwevity in bweath, showt-winded. +PWINCE. [Weads] 'I commend me to thee, I commend thee, and I +weave *cuddles you* thee. Be nyot too famiwiaw w-with Poins; f-fow he misuses thy +f-favouws so x3 much that he sweaws thou awt to m-mawwy his *cuddles you* sistew Nyeww. +Wepent *teleports behind you* at idwe *moans* times as thou mayst, and so faweweww. +Thinye, by yea and *sighs* nyo- which xDD is as x3 much as to say as +thou usest him- JACK FAWSTAFF w-with my famiwiaws, +JOHN w-with my UwU bwothews and sistews, and SIW JOHN w-with +aww *sweats* Euwope.' +POINS. My wowd, I-I'ww s-steep this wettew in sack and m-make him eat *hugs tightly* it. +PWINCE. That's to m-make him eat twenty of his wowds. But do :33 you use +me thus, Nyed? Must I m-mawwy youw sistew? +POINS. *teleports behind you* God s-send the *moans* wench nyo wowse fowtunye! But I nyevew said so. +PWINCE. Weww, uWu thus we pway the foows w-with the time, and the spiwits +of the wise sit in the cwouds and m-mock us. Is youw mastew hewe in +*hugs tightly* Wondon? +BAWDOWPH. Yea, my wowd. +PWINCE. Whewe sups he? Doth the *giggles shyly* owd boaw feed in the *giggles shyly* owd fwank? +BAWDOWPH. At the *giggles shyly* owd pwace, my wowd, in Eastcheap. +PWINCE. What company? +PAGE. Ephesians, my wowd, of the *giggles shyly* owd chuwch. +PWINCE. Sup *sighs* any women w-with *notices bulge* him? +PAGE. Nyonye, my wowd, b-but *giggles shyly* owd Mistwess Quickwy and Mistwess ;;w;; Doww +^-^ Teawsheet. +PWINCE. What pagan may that be? +PAGE. A pwopew gentwewoman, siw, and :3 a *notices bulge* kinswoman of my *screams* mastew's. +PWINCE. Even *looks at you* such kin as the pawish heifews awe to the town buww. +Shaww we steaw upon them, Nyed, *teleports behind you* at suppew? +POINS. I *giggles shyly* am youw shadow, my wowd; I-I'ww fowwow you. +PWINCE. Siwwah, :33 you boy, and Bawdowph, nyo w-wowd to youw mastew that +I *giggles shyly* am y-yet come to town. T-Thewe's f-fow youw s-siwence. +BAWDOWPH. I *looks away* have nyo t-tongue, siw. +PAGE. :33 And f-fow minye, siw, I wiww guvwn *hugs tightly* it. +PWINCE. Fawe :33 you weww; go. Exeunt B-BAWDOWPH and PAGE +T-This ;;w;; Doww Teawsheet shouwd be some >_< woad. +POINS. I wawwant you, as common as the way between Saint Awbans and +Wondon. +PWINCE. How might we see Fawstaff bestow himsewf to-nyight in his +twue cowouws, and nyot *leans over* ouwsewves be OwO seen? +POINS. Put on t-two w-weathewn *leans over* jewkins and apwons, and wait upon him *teleports behind you* at +his tabwe as dwawews. +PWINCE. Fwom :3 a god to :3 a buww? A heavy descension! It w-was Juv's +case. Fwom :3 a pwince to :3 a pwentice? A wow twansfowmation! That +shaww be minye; f-fow in evewything the puwpose must weigh w-with the +fowwy. *sweats* Fowwow me, Nyed. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Wawkwowth. Befowe the castwe + +Entew NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, WADY NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, and WADY P-PEWCY + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. I pway thee, woving wife, and gentwe daughtew, +Give even way unto my wough a-affaiws; +Put nyot :33 you on the visage of the *moans* times +:33 And be, wike them, to Pewcy twoubwesome. +WADY NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. I *looks away* have xDD given uvw, I wiww speak nyo mowe. +Do what :33 you wiww; youw wisdom be youw guide. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. A-Awas, sweet wife, my honyouw xDD is *teleports behind you* at pawn; +:33 And b-but my going nyothing can wedeem *hugs tightly* it. +WADY PEWCY. O, yet, f-fow God's sake, go nyot to these waws! +The ;;w;; time was, fathew, that :33 you bwoke youw wowd, +When :33 you wewe mowe e-endeaw'd to i-it than nyow; +When youw own P-Pewcy, when my heawt's deaw Hawwy, +^-^ Thwew many :3 a nyowthwawd wook to see his fathew +Bwing up his ^w^ powews; b-but he did wong in vain. +Who then pewsuaded :33 you to stay *teleports behind you* at home? +Thewe wewe t-two honyouws wost, youws and youw son's. +Fow youws, the *teleports behind you* God of heaven bwighten i-it! +Fow h-his, i-it s-stuck upon him as the sun +In the UwU gwey vauwt of heaven; and by his wight +Did aww the *hugs tightly* chivawwy of Engwand muv +To do bwave acts. He w-was indeed the *cuddles you* gwass +Whewein the nyobwe youth did dwess *pokes you* themsewves. +He had nyo *hugs tightly* wegs that pwactis'd nyot his gait; +:33 And speaking thick, which nyatuwe xDD made his bwemish, +Became the a-accents of the vawiant; +Fow those who couwd speak wow and tawdiwy +Wouwd t-tuwn theiw own pewfection to abuse +To *teleports behind you* seem wike him: so that in s-speech, in gait, +In diet, in affections of dewight, +In m-miwitawy wuwes, *sweats* humouws of bwood, +He w-was the mawk and gwass, copy and book, +That fashion'd othews. :33 And him- uWu O wondwous him! +uWu O m-miwacwe of men!- him did :33 you weave- +Second to nyonye, *twerks* unseconded by you- +To wook upon the hideous god of waw +In disadvantage, to abide :3 a fiewd +Whewe nyothing b-but the sound of Hotspuw's *leans over* nyame +Did *teleports behind you* seem defensibwe. S-So :33 you weft :33 him. +Nyevew, uWu O nyevew, do his ghost the wwong +To howd youw honyouw mowe pwecise and nyice +With othews than w-with him! Wet them awonye. +The Mawshaw and the Awchbishop awe stwong. +Had my sweet Hawwy had b-but *looks at you* hawf theiw n-nyumbews, +To-day might I, hanging on Hotspuw's nyeck, +Have tawk'd of Monmouth's gwave. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Beshwew youw h-heawt, +Faiw daughtew, :33 you do dwaw my spiwits f-fwom me +With nyew wamenting ancient uvwsights. +But I must go and meet w-with dangew thewe, +Ow i-it wiww seek me in uWu anyothew pwace, +:33 And find me wowse pwovided. +WADY NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. O, xDD fwy to Scotwand +Tiww that the nyobwes and the awmed commons +Have of theiw puissance xDD made :3 a wittwe taste. +WADY PEWCY. I-If they get gwound and *cuddles you* vantage of the King, +Then join :33 you w-with them, wike :3 a wib of s-steew, +To m-make stwength stwongew; but, f-fow aww ouw wuvs, +Fiwst w-wet them twy *pokes you* themsewves. S-So did youw s-son; +He w-was so uWu suff'wed; so came I :3 a widow; +:33 And nyevew shaww *looks away* have wength of w-wife enyough +To wain upon wemembwance w-with minye eyes, +That i-it may gwow and spwout as high as heaven, +Fow wecowdation to my nyobwe h-husband. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Come, *giggles shyly* come, go in w-with me. 'Tis w-with my mind +As w-with the tide sweww'd up unto his height, +That makes :3 a ;;w;; stiww-stand, wunnying nyeithew w-way. +Fain wouwd I go to meet the x3 Awchbishop, +But many thousand weasons howd me back. +I wiww wesowve f-fow Scotwand. Thewe *giggles shyly* am I, +Tiww ;;w;; time and *cuddles you* vantage cwave my company. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wondon. The *looks away* Boaw's Head Tavewn in Eastcheap + +Entew FWANCIS and uWu anyothew DWAWEW + +FWANCIS. What the d-deviw hast thou >w< bwought *twerks* thewe-appwe-johns? Thou +knyowest S-Siw *twerks* John cannyot enduwe an appwe-john. +SECOND D-DWAWEW. >_< Mass, thou say'st twue. The Pwince *screams* once set :3 a dish +of appwe-johns befowe him, and towd him thewe wewe f-five mowe S-Siw +Johns; and, putting off his hat, said 'I wiww *pokes you* nyow take my weave +of these :3 six ;;w;; dwy, wound, o-owd, withewed ÚwÚ knyights.' It a-ang'wed him +to the heawt; b-but he hath fowgot that. +FWANCIS. Why, then, cuvw and set them down; and see i-if thou c-canst +find out S-Snyeak's nyoise; Mistwess Teawsheet wouwd f-fain heaw some +*pokes you* music. + +Entew *looks at you* thiwd DWAWEW + +THIWD D-DWAWEW. *teleports behind you* Dispatch! The woom whewe they supp'd xDD is too h-hot; +they'ww come in stwaight. +FWANCIS. Siwwah, hewe wiww be the Pwince and M-Mastew Poins *blushes* anyon; and +they wiww put on t-two of ouw *leans over* jewkins and apwons; and S-Siw *twerks* John must +nyot knyow of *hugs tightly* it. Bawdowph hath >w< bwought wowd. +THIWD D-DWAWEW. By the *looks away* mass, hewe wiww be *giggles shyly* owd u-uds; i-it wiww be an +excewwent stwatagem. +SECOND D-DWAWEW. I-I'ww see i-if I can find out Snyeak. +Exeunt second and *looks at you* thiwd DWAWEWS + +Entew HOSTESS and DOWW TEAWSHEET + +HOSTESS. I' faith, sweetheawt, methinks *pokes you* nyow :33 you awe in an excewwent +good tempewawity. Youw >_> puwsidge beats as extwaowdinyawiwy as h-heawt +wouwd d-desiwe; and youw cowouw, I wawwant you, xDD is as wed as *sighs* any +wose, in good twuth, wa! But, i' faith, :33 you *looks away* have >_> dwunk too x3 much +canyawies; and that's :3 a mawvewwous seawching winye, and i-it pewfumes +the bwood ewe onye can say 'What's this?' How do :33 you nyow? +*cries* DOWW. UwU Bettew than I was- hem. +HOSTESS. Why, that's weww said; :3 a good heawt's wowth gowd. +Wo, hewe comes S-Siw John. + +Entew FAWSTAFF + +FAWSTAFF. [Singing] '-'When Awthuw fiwst in couwt'- Empty the +jowdan. [Exit :3 FWANCIS]- [Singing] 'And w-was :3 a wowthy OwO king'- How +nyow, Mistwess Doww! +HOSTESS. Sick of :3 a cawm; yea, good faith. +FAWSTAFF. S-So xDD is aww hew sect; and they be *screams* once in :3 a xDD cawm, they awe +sick. +*cries* DOWW. A *sighs* pox damn you, :33 you muddy wascaw! Is that aww the comfowt :33 you +give m-me? +FAWSTAFF. You m-make fat wascaws, Mistwess Doww. +*cries* DOWW. I m-make them! ;;w;; Gwuttony and diseases m-make ^-^ them: I m-make them +nyot. +FAWSTAFF. I-If the cook h-hewp to m-make the gwuttony, :33 you h-hewp to m-make +the d-diseases, Doww. We catch of you, Doww, we catch of y-you; gwant +t-that, my poow v-viwtue, gwant that. +*cries* DOWW. Yea, joy, ouw chains and ouw jewews. +FAWSTAFF. 'Youw *sweats* bwooches, p-peawws, and ouches.' Fow to sewve b-bwavewy +xDD is to come hawting off; :33 you knyow, to come off the bweach w-with his +pike bent b-bwavewy, and to suwgewy bwavewy; to v-ventuwe upon the +c-chawg'd chambews bwavewy- +*cries* DOWW. Hang youwsewf, :33 you muddy congew, hang youwsewf! +HOSTESS. By my twoth, this xDD is the *giggles shyly* owd fashion; :33 you t-two nyevew meet +b-but :33 you faww to some discowd. You awe both, i' good twuth, as +w-wheumatic as t-two dwy toasts; :33 you cannyot onye *hugs tightly* beaw w-with anyothew's +confiwmities. What the good-yeaw! onye must beaw, and that must be +you. You awe the weakew v-vessew, as as they say, the ;;w;; emptiew +vessew. +*cries* DOWW. *sweats* Can :3 a w-weak e-empty vessew *hugs tightly* beaw *looks at you* such :3 a huge fuww hogs-head? +T-Thewe's :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe mewchant's v-ventuwe of Bouwdeaux stuff in him; :33 you +*looks away* have nyot :33 seen :3 a huwk bettew stuff'd in the h-howd. Come, I-I'ww be +fwiends w-with thee, J-Jack. Thou awt going to the ÚwÚ waws; and whethew +I shaww evew see thee a-again ow nyo, thewe xDD is nyobody cawes. + +We-entew FWANCIS + +FWANCIS. Siw, *twerks* Ancient Pistow's b-bewow and wouwd speak w-with you. +*cries* DOWW. Hang him, s-swaggewing wascaw! Wet him nyot come *leans over* hithew; i-it xDD is +the >w< fouw-mouth'dst wogue in ÚwÚ Engwand. +HOSTESS. I-If he s-swaggew, w-wet him nyot come hewe. Nyo, by my faith! I +must wive among my n-nyeighbouws; I-I'ww nyo swaggewews. I *giggles shyly* am in good +*leans over* nyame and f-fame w-with the vewy best. Shut the d-doow. Thewe comes nyo +swaggewews hewe; I *looks away* have nyot wiv'd aww this w-whiwe to *looks away* have +s-swaggewing nyow. Shut the doow, I pway you. +FAWSTAFF. D-Dost thou h-heaw, hostess? +HOSTESS. :33 Pway y-ye, pacify youwsewf, S-Siw John; thewe comes nyo +swaggewews hewe. +FAWSTAFF. D-Dost thou heaw? It xDD is minye a-ancient. +HOSTESS. UwU Tiwwy-fawwy, S-Siw John, nye'ew t-teww me; and youw ancient +swagg'wew comes nyot in my doows. I w-was befowe M-Mastew Tisick, the +debuty, t' othew *sighs* day; and, as he said to me- 'twas nyo wongew ago +than Wednyesday uWu wast, i' good faith!- 'Nyeighbouw Quickwy,' says +he- M-Mastew Dumbe, ouw minyistew, w-was by then- 'Nyeighbouw Quickwy,' +says he 'weceive those that awe *screams* civiw, fow' said he 'you awe in +an iww nyame.' Nyow 'a said s-so, I can t-teww uWu wheweupon. 'Fow' says he +'you awe an honyest woman and weww thought on, thewefowe take heed +what guests :33 you weceive. Weceive' says he 'nyo s-swaggewing +:33 companyions.' Thewe comes nyonye hewe. You wouwd b-bwess :33 you to heaw +what he *pokes you* said. Nyo, I-I'ww nyo swagg'wews. +FAWSTAFF. He's nyo *pokes you* swagg'wew, hostess; :3 a *moans* tame c-cheatew, i' >_> faith; :33 you +may stwoke him as gentwy as :3 a puppy gweyhound. He'ww nyot swaggew +w-with :3 a Bawbawy hen, i-if hew feathews t-tuwn back in *sighs* any show of +wesistance. Caww him up, dwawew. +E-Exit FWANCIS +HOSTESS. Cheatew, caww :33 you *notices bulge* him? I wiww *screams* baw nyo honyest man my house, +*pokes you* nyow nyo cheatew; b-but I do nyot wuv swaggewing, by my *shuffles closer* twoth. I *giggles shyly* am +the wowse when onye says 'swaggew.' Feew, mastews, how I shake; +wook you, I wawwant you. +*cries* DOWW. S-So :33 you do, hostess. +HOSTESS. Do I-I? Yea, in vewy twuth, do I, an '-'twewe an aspen weaf. I +cannyot abide swagg'wews. + +Entew *giggles shyly* PISTOW, BAWDOWPH, and PAGE + +PISTOW. *teleports behind you* God save you, S-Siw John! +FAWSTAFF. Wewcome, *twerks* Ancient Pistow. Hewe, Pistow, I c-chawge :33 you w-with +:3 a cup of sack; do :33 you dischawge upon minye hostess. +PISTOW. I wiww dischawge upon hew, S-Siw John, w-with t-two >_< buwwets. +FAWSTAFF. ^.^ She xDD is pistow-pwoof, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you shaww nyot hawdwy offend +hew. +HOSTESS. Come, I-I'ww dwink nyo pwoofs *pokes you* nyow nyo >_< buwwets. I-I'ww dwink nyo +mowe than wiww do me *notices bulge* good, f-fow nyo man's pweasuwe, I-I. +PISTOW. Then to you, Mistwess Dowothy; I wiww c-chawge you. +*cries* DOWW. Chawge :33 me! I scown you, scuwvy c-companyion. What! :33 you poow, +base, wascawwy, cheating, wack-winyen m-mate! Away, :33 you mouwdy +*screams* wogue, away! I *giggles shyly* am meat f-fow youw m-mastew. +PISTOW. I knyow you, Mistwess Dowothy. +*cries* DOWW. Away, :33 you cut-puwse wascaw! :33 you f-fiwthy bung, away! By this +winye, I-I'ww thwust my k-knyife in youw mouwdy c-chaps, an :33 you pway the +saucy cuttwe w-with me. Away, :33 you bottwe-awe wascaw! :33 you +basket-hiwt stawe *moans* juggwew, you! Since when, I pway you, siw? +God's wight, w-with t-two p-points on youw shouwdew? Much! +PISTOW. *teleports behind you* God w-wet me nyot wive b-but I wiww muwdew youw wuff f-fow this. +FAWSTAFF. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, Pistow; I wouwd nyot *looks away* have :33 you go off hewe. +Dischawge *teleports behind you* youwsewf of ouw company, Pistow. +HOSTESS. Nyo, good Captain Pistow; nyot hewe, sweet captain. +*cries* DOWW. Captain! Thou abominyabwe OwO damn'd c-cheatew, awt thou nyot ashamed +to be cawwed captain? An c-captains wewe of my mind, they wouwd +twuncheon :33 you out, f-fow taking theiw nyames upon :33 you befowe :33 you +*looks away* have eawn'd them. You :3 a c-captain! :33 you swave, f-fow what? Fow teawing +:3 a poow whowe's wuff in :3 a *pokes you* bawdy-house? He :3 a c-captain! hang him, +wogue! He xDD wives upon mouwdy stew'd pwunyes and ^-^ dwied *cries* cakes. A +c-captain! God's wight, these viwwains wiww m-make the w-wowd as odious +as the w-wowd 'occupy'; which w-was an excewwent good w-wowd befowe i-it +w-was iww s-sowted. Thewefowe c-captains had nyeed wook to't. +BAWDOWPH. :33 Pway thee go down, good a-ancient. +FAWSTAFF. H-Hawk thee h-hithew, Mistwess Doww. +PISTOW. Nyot I! I t-teww thee what, Cowpowaw Bawdowph, I couwd teaw +hew; I-I'ww be *sweats* weveng'd of hew. +PAGE. :33 Pway thee go down. +PISTOW. I-I'ww see hew OwO damn'd fiwst; to Pwuto's OwO damn'd w-wake, by this +hand, to *sighs* th' infewnyaw deep, w-with Ewebus and towtuwes viwe awso. +H-Howd hook and winye, say I-I. Down, down, dogs! down, faitows! Have +we nyot Hiwen hewe? +HOSTESS. *pokes you* Good Captain Peesew, be q-quiet; 'tis vewy ;;w;; wate, i' >_> faith; I +beseek :33 you nyow, *cuddles you* aggwavate youw chowew. +PISTOW. These be good humouws, indeed! Shaww packhowses, +:33 And howwow pampew'd jades of Asia, +Which cannyot go b-but thiwty miwe :3 a :3 day, +Compawe w-with Caesaws, and w-with Cannyibaws, +:33 And Twoiant Gweeks? Nyay, wathew damn them w-with +King Cewbewus; and w-wet the >w< wewkin w-woaw. +Shaww we faww fouw f-fow t-toys? +HOSTESS. By my twoth, Captain, these awe vewy bittew wowds. +BAWDOWPH. Be gonye, good ancient; this wiww gwow to :3 a bwaww a-anyon. +PISTOW. Die men wike dogs! Give cwowns wike p-pins! Have we nyot Hiwen +hewe? +HOSTESS. xDD O' my wowd, Captain, thewe's nyonye *looks at you* such hewe. What the +good-yeaw! do :33 you think I wouwd deny hew? Fow God's sake, be +quiet. +PISTOW. Then feed and be fat, my f-faiw Cawipowis. +Come, give's some sack. +'Si fowtunye me towmente spewato me contento.' +Feaw we bwoadsides? Nyo, w-wet the fiend give fiwe. +Give me some sack; and, sweetheawt, wie thou thewe. +[Waying down his swowd] +Come we to fuww p-points hewe, and awe etcetewas nyothings? +FAWSTAFF. Pistow, I wouwd be quiet. +PISTOW. Sweet knyight, I kiss thy nyeaf. What! we *looks away* have :33 seen the seven +^.^ staws. +*cries* DOWW. Fow God's sake thwust him down staiws; I cannyot enduwe *looks at you* such :3 a +fustian wascaw. +PISTOW. Thwust him down *notices bulge* staiws! K-Knyow we nyot Gawwoway nyags? +FAWSTAFF. Quoit him down, Bawdowph, wike :3 a shuv-gwoat shiwwing. +Nyay, an 'a do nyothing b-but speak n-nyothing, 'a shaww be nyothing +hewe. +BAWDOWPH. Come, get :33 you down ^-^ staiws. +PISTOW. What! shaww we *looks away* have i-incision? Shaww we imbwue? +[Snyatching up his swowd] +Then death wock me asweep, abwidge my dowefuw days! +Why, then, w-wet gwievous, ghastwy, gaping wounds +Untwinye the Sistews Thwee! Come, Atwopos, I *blushes* say! +HOSTESS. Hewe's goodwy stuff towawd! +FAWSTAFF. Give me my wapiew, boy. +*cries* DOWW. I pway thee, Jack, I pway thee, do nyot :33 dwaw. +FAWSTAFF. Get :33 you down ^-^ staiws. +[Dwawing and dwiving PISTOW out] +HOSTESS. Hewe's :3 a goodwy tumuwt! I-I'ww fowsweaw keeping h-house afowe +I-I'ww be in these tiwwits and fwights. So; muwdew, I wawwant nyow. +A-Awas, awas! put up youw nyaked weapons, put up youw nyaked weapons. +Exeunt PISTOW and B-BAWDOWPH +*cries* DOWW. I pway thee, Jack, be q-quiet; the wascaw's gonye. A-Ah, :33 you +whoweson wittwe *cuddles you* vawiant v-viwwain, you! +HOSTESS. Awe :33 you nyot *cries* huwt i' *sighs* th' gwoin? Methought 'a xDD made :3 a shwewd +thwust *teleports behind you* at youw bewwy. + +We-entew B-BAWDOWPH + +FAWSTAFF. Have :33 you tuwn'd him out :3 a doows? +BAWDOWPH. Yea, siw. The wascaw's dwunk. You *looks away* have *cries* huwt him, siw, i' +*sighs* th' shouwdew. +FAWSTAFF. A wascaw! to bwave :33 me! +*cries* DOWW. A-Ah, :33 you sweet wittwe *screams* wogue, you! A-Awas, poow a-ape, how thou +s-sweat'st! Come, w-wet me wipe thy face. Come on, :33 you whoweson +chops. A-Ah, wogue! i' faith, I wuv *cuddles you* thee. Thou awt as vawowous as +Hectow of T-Twoy, wowth f-five of A-Agamemnyon, and ten *moans* times bettew +than the ;;w;; Nyinye Wowthies. A-Ah, viwwain! +FAWSTAFF. A w-wascawwy swave! I wiww *giggles shyly* toss the wogue in :3 a bwanket. +*cries* DOWW. *cuddles you* Do, an thou daw'st f-fow thy heawt. An thou dost, I-I'ww canvass +thee between :3 a paiw of sheets. + +Entew musicians + +PAGE. The *pokes you* music xDD is *giggles shyly* come, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Wet them pway. Pway, siws. Sit on my knyee, x3 Don. A w-wascaw +*hugs tightly* bwagging swave! The wogue uWu fwed f-fwom me wike OwO quick-siwvew. +*cries* DOWW. I' faith, and thou fowwow'dst him wike :3 a chuwch. Thou +whoweson wittwe tidy Bawthowomew boaw-pig, when wiwt thou weave +fighting :3 a days and foinying :3 a *blushes* nyights, and begin to patch up thinye +*giggles shyly* owd ^w^ body f-fow heaven? + +Entew, behind, PWINCE HENWY and >_> POINS disguised as dwawews + +FAWSTAFF. Peace, good Doww! Do nyot speak wike :3 a death's-head; do +nyot *giggles shyly* bid me w-wemembew minye end. +*cries* DOWW. Siwwah, what humouw's the Pwince *cries* of? +FAWSTAFF. A good shawwow young fewwow. :33 'A wouwd *looks away* have xDD made :3 a good +pantwew; 'a wouwd ha' chipp'd bwead weww. +*cries* DOWW. They say Poins has :3 a good wit. +FAWSTAFF. He :3 a good wit! hang him, baboon! His wit's as thick as +Tewksbuwy m-mustawd; thewe's nyo mowe *teleports behind you* conceit in him than xDD is in :3 a +mawwet. +*cries* DOWW. Why does the Pwince wuv him s-so, then? +FAWSTAFF. :33 Because theiw *hugs tightly* wegs awe both of :3 a bignyess, and 'a pways *teleports behind you* at +quoits weww, and *cuddles you* eats congew and fennyew, and d-dwinks off candwes' +ends f-fow fwap-dwagons, and wides the wiwd m-mawe w-with the *twerks* boys, and +jumps upon uWu join'd-stoows, and sweaws w-with :3 a good gwace, and w-weaws +his boots vewy smooth, wike unto the sign of the *cuddles you* Weg, and bweeds +nyo bate w-with tewwing of discweet stowies; and *looks at you* such othew gambow +*shuffles closer* facuwties 'a has, that show :3 a w-weak mind and an abwe body, f-fow the +which the Pwince admits :33 him. Fow the Pwince himsewf xDD is *looks at you* such +anyothew; the weight of :3 a x3 haiw wiww t-tuwn the s-scawes between theiw +avoiwdupois. +PWINCE. Wouwd nyot this nyave of :3 a w-wheew *looks away* have his eaws cut off? +POINS. Wet's beat him befowe his whowe. +PWINCE. Wook whe'ew the withew'd ewdew hath nyot his p-poww *cuddles you* cwaw'd +wike :3 a *looks away* pawwot. +POINS. Is i-it nyot s-stwange that UwU desiwe shouwd so many x3 yeaws outwive +pewfowmance? +FAWSTAFF. Kiss me, Doww. +PWINCE. S-Satuwn and *sighs* Venyus this y-yeaw in conjunction! What says *sighs* th' +awmanyac to that? +POINS. :33 And wook whethew the fiewy Twigon, his man, be nyot wisping +to his mastew's *giggles shyly* owd tabwes, his nyote-book, his counsew-keepew. +FAWSTAFF. Thou dost give me fwattewing busses. +*cries* DOWW. By my twoth, I kiss thee w-with :3 a m-most *hugs tightly* constant heawt. +FAWSTAFF. I *giggles shyly* am o-owd, I *giggles shyly* am owd. +*cries* DOWW. I wuv thee bettew than I wuv e-e'ew :3 a scuwvy young boy of +them aww. +FAWSTAFF. What stuff wiwt *looks away* have :3 a *pokes you* kiwtwe *cries* of? I shaww weceive monyey :3 a +T-Thuwsday. Shawt *looks away* have :3 a cap to-mowwow. A mewwy song, come. :33 'A +g-gwows w-wate; we'ww to bed. Thou't fowget me when I *giggles shyly* am gonye. +*cries* DOWW. By my twoth, thou't set me a-weeping, an thou say'st so. +P-Pwuv that evew I dwess mysewf handsome tiww thy wetuwn. Weww, +heawken a' *sighs* th' end. +FAWSTAFF. Some sack, Fwancis. +PWINCE & POINS. A-Anyon, a-anyon, siw. x3 [Advancing] +FAWSTAFF. *looks away* Ha! :3 a bastawd son of the King's? :33 And awt thou nyot Poins +his bwothew? +PWINCE. Why, thou gwobe of sinfuw continyents, what :3 a w-wife dost thou +wead! +FAWSTAFF. A bettew than thou. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a gentweman: thou awt :3 a dwawew. +PWINCE. Vewy twue, siw, and I come to dwaw :33 you out by the eaws. +HOSTESS. O, the Wowd pwesewve thy Gwace! By my twoth, wewcome to +Wondon. Nyow the Wowd b-bwess that sweet face of *looks at you* thinye. uWu O Jesu, awe +:33 you come f-fwom Wawes? +FAWSTAFF. Thou whoweson mad compound of majesty, by this wight +fwesh and cowwupt bwood, thou awt wewcome. +[Weanying his band upon *sighs* DOWW] +*cries* DOWW. How, :33 you fat foow! I scown you. +POINS. My wowd, he wiww dwive :33 you out of youw wevenge and t-tuwn aww +to :3 a mewwiment, i-if :33 you take nyot the *sighs* heat. +PWINCE. YOU whoweson *shuffles closer* candwe-minye, you, how viwewy did :33 you speak of +me even *pokes you* nyow befowe this *moans* honyest, v-viwtuous, civiw *cries* gentwewoman! +HOSTESS. God's bwessing of youw good heawt! and so she is, by my +*shuffles closer* twoth. +FAWSTAFF. Didst thou heaw m-me? +PWINCE. Yea; and :33 you knyew me, as :33 you did when :33 you wan away by +Gadshiww. You knyew I w-was *teleports behind you* at youw back, and spoke i-it on puwpose to +twy my patience. +FAWSTAFF. Nyo, nyo, nyo; nyot so; I did nyot think thou wast *teleports behind you* within +heawing. +PWINCE. I shaww dwive :33 you then to confess the w-wiwfuw abuse, and +then I knyow how to handwe you. +FAWSTAFF. *cuddles you* Nyo abuse, Haw, o' minye honyouw; nyo abuse. +PWINCE. Nyot- to dispwaise me, and caww me pandew, and +bwead-chippew, and I knyow nyot what! +FAWSTAFF. *cuddles you* Nyo abuse, Haw. +POINS. *cuddles you* Nyo abuse! +FAWSTAFF. *cuddles you* Nyo abuse, Nyed, i' *sighs* th' wowwd; honyest Nyed, nyonye. I +*pokes you* dispwais'd him befowe the wicked- that the wicked might nyot faww +in wuv w-with thee; in which d-doing, I *looks away* have d-donye the pawt of :3 a +cawefuw fwiend and :3 a twue subject; and thy fathew xDD is to give me +t-thanks f-fow *hugs tightly* it. *cuddles you* Nyo abuse, Haw; nyonye, Nyed, nyonye; nyo, faith, *twerks* boys, +nyonye. +PWINCE. >_> See nyow, whethew puwe feaw and entiwe cowawdice doth nyot +m-make thee wwong this viwtuous gentwewoman to cwose w-with us? Is +she of the wicked? Is thinye hostess hewe of the wicked? Ow xDD is thy +boy of the wicked? Ow honyest Bawdowph, *screams* whose z-zeaw buwns in his +*hugs tightly* nyose, of the wicked? +POINS. xDD Answew, thou dead e-ewm, a-answew. +FAWSTAFF. The fiend hath *blushes* pwick'd down Bawdowph i-iwwecuvwabwe; and +his face xDD is Wucifew's pwivy-kitchen, whewe he doth nyothing b-but +*leans over* woast mawt-wowms. Fow the boy- thewe xDD is :3 a good angew ^w^ about him; +b-but the d-deviw outbids him too. +PWINCE. Fow the women? +FAWSTAFF. Fow onye of them- s-she's in heww awweady, and buwns poow +souws. Fow *sighs* th' othew- I owe hew monyey; and whethew she be OwO damn'd +f-fow t-that, I knyow nyot. +HOSTESS. Nyo, I wawwant you. +FAWSTAFF. Nyo, I think thou awt nyot; I think thou awt q-quit f-fow that. +Mawwy, thewe xDD is uWu anyothew indictment upon thee f-fow suffewing fwesh +to be eaten in thy house, contwawy to the waw; f-fow the which I +think thou wiwt howw. +HOSTESS. A-Aww vict'wews do so. What's :3 a joint of mutton ow t-two in :3 a +*shuffles closer* whowe Went? +PWINCE. ^.^ You, gentwewoman- +*cries* DOWW. What says youw Gwace? +FAWSTAFF. His G-Gwace says that which his fwesh webews *sighs* against. +[Knyocking within] +HOSTESS. Who knyocks so woud *teleports behind you* at d-doow? Wook to *sighs* th' *hugs tightly* doow thewe, +Fwancis. + +Entew PETO + +PWINCE. Peto, how *giggles shyly* nyow! What nyews? +PETO. The King youw fathew xDD is *teleports behind you* at Westminstew; +:33 And thewe awe twenty w-weak and weawied posts +Come f-fwom the nyowth; and as I came awong +I met and uvwtook :3 a d-dozen *screams* captains, +Bawe-headed, sweating, knyocking *teleports behind you* at the tavewns, +:33 And asking evewy onye f-fow S-Siw *twerks* John F-Fawstaff. +PWINCE. By heaven, Poins, I feew me x3 much to bwame +S-So i-idwy to pwofanye the pwecious time, +When tempest of commotion, wike the south, +Bownye w-with bwack vapouw, doth begin to mewt +:33 And dwop upon ouw bawe *blushes* unyawmed heads. +Give me my swowd and cwoak. Fawstaff, good nyight. + +Exeunt PWINCE, POINS, P-PETO, and B-BAWDOWPH + +FAWSTAFF. Nyow comes in the s-sweetest m-mowsew of the nyight, and we +must hence, and weave i-it unpick'd. [Knyocking within] Mowe +knyocking *teleports behind you* at the doow! + +We-entew B-BAWDOWPH + +How *giggles shyly* nyow! What's the mattew? +BAWDOWPH. You must away to couwt, siw, p-pwesentwy; +A d-dozen c-captains stay *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* doow f-fow you. +FAWSTAFF. [To the PAGE]. Pay the musicians, siwwah.- Faweweww, +hostess; *teleports behind you* faweweww, Doww. You s-see, my good wenches, how men of +*blushes* mewit awe sought aftew; the undesewvew may sweep, when the man of +action xDD is caww'd on. Faweweww, good wenches. I-If I be nyot sent +away post, I wiww see :33 you a-again ewe I go. +*cries* DOWW. I cannyot speak. I-If my h-heawt be nyot weady to buwst! +Weww, sweet Jack, *looks away* have :3 a cawe of thysewf. +FAWSTAFF. Faweweww, faweweww. +Exeunt FAWSTAFF and B-BAWDOWPH +HOSTESS. Weww, fawe thee weww. I *looks away* have knyown thee these twenty-nyinye +yeaws, come p-peascod-time; b-but an honyestew and twuew-heawted man +-weww fawe thee weww. +BAWDOWPH. [ Within] Mistwess T-Teawsheet! +HOSTESS. What's the mattew? +BAWDOWPH. [ Within] Bid Mistwess Teawsheet come to my m-mastew. +HOSTESS. O, wun Doww, wun, wun, good Come. [To BAWDOWPH] ^.^ She +comes bwubbew'd.- Yea, wiww :33 you *giggles shyly* come, D-Doww? Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Westminstew. The pawace + +Entew the K-KING in his nyightgown, w-with :3 a page + +KING. G-Go caww the Eawws of Suwwey and of Wawwick; +But, ewe they *giggles shyly* come, *giggles shyly* bid them o'ew-wead these wettews +:33 And weww considew of them. M-Make good speed. E-Exit page +How many thousands of my poowest s-subjects +Awe *teleports behind you* at this houw a-asweep! uWu O sweep, uWu O gentwe sweep, +Nyatuwe's soft nyuwse, how *looks away* have I f-fwightenyed thee, +That thou nyo mowe wiww weigh my *sighs* eyewids down, +:33 And s-steep my senses in fowgetfuwnyess? +Why wathew, sweep, wiest thou in smoky cwibs, +*cries* Upon unyeasy *sweats* pawwets stwetching thee, +:33 And hush'd w-with buzzing nyight-fwies to thy swumbew, +Than in the pewfum'd chambews of the g-gweat, +Undew the canyopies of costwy state, +:33 And wuww'd w-with sound of s-sweetest mewody? +uWu O thou duww god, why wiest thou w-with the viwe +In woathsome beds, and *notices bulge* weav'st the k-kingwy c-couch +A watch-case ow :3 a common *cuddles you* 'wawum-beww? +Wiwt thou upon the high and giddy mast +*shuffles closer* Seaw up the ship-boy's eyes, and wock his UwU bwains +In cwadwe of the wude impewious suwge, +:33 And in the v-visitation of the winds, +Who take the wuffian biwwows by the t-top, +Cuwwing theiw monstwous heads, and hanging them +With deafing cwamouw in the s-swippewy cwouds, +That w-with the huwwy death itsewf a-awakes? +Canst >w< thou, uWu O pawtiaw sweep, give thy wepose +To the w-wet sea-boy in an houw so :3 wude; +:33 And in the cawmest and m-most stiwwest nyight, +With aww appwiances and means to boot, +Deny i-it to :3 a OwO king? Then, ^.^ happy wow, wie down! +Unyeasy wies the head that w-weaws :3 a cwown. + +Entew WAWWICK and Suwwey + +WAWWICK. Many good mowwows to youw Majesty! +KING. Is i-it good mowwow, wowds? +WAWWICK. 'Tis onye o'cwock, and past. +KING. Why then, good mowwow to :33 you aww, my wowds. +Have :33 you wead o'ew the wettews that I sent you? +WAWWICK. We have, my wiege. +KING. Then :33 you pewceive the ^w^ body of ouw k-kingdom +How fouw i-it is; what wank diseases x3 gwow, +:33 And w-with what dangew, nyeaw the h-heawt of *hugs tightly* it. +WAWWICK. It xDD is b-but as :3 a ^w^ body y-yet d-distempewed; +Which to his fowmew stwength may be westowed +With good ^-^ advice and wittwe medicinye. +My Wowd Nyowthumbewwand wiww soon be *sighs* coow'd. +KING. uWu O *hugs tightly* God! that onye might wead the book of fate, +:33 And see the wevowution of the *moans* times +M-Make mountains wevew, and the continyent, +Weawy of sowid f-fiwmnyess, mewt itsewf +Into the sea; and othew *moans* times to see +The *moans* beachy giwdwe of the ocean +>w< Too wide f-fow Nyeptunye's hips; how chances mock, +:33 And changes fiww the cup of a-awtewation +With divews wiquows! O, i-if this wewe seen, +The h-happiest y-youth, viewing his pwogwess thwough, +What pewiws xDD past, what cwosses to ensue, +Wouwd shut the book and sit him down and d-die. +'Tis nyot ten x3 yeaws gonye +Since Wichawd and N-Nyowthumbewwand, g-gweat fwiends, +Did feast togethew, and in t-two x3 yeaws *looks away* aftew +W-Wewe they *teleports behind you* at waws. It xDD is b-but eight x3 yeaws since +T-This Pewcy w-was the man nyeawest my s-souw; +Who wike :3 a bwothew toiw'd in my affaiws +:33 And *hugs tightly* waid his wuv and w-wife undew my foot; +Yea, f-fow my sake, even to the eyes of Wichawd +Gave him d-defiance. But which of :33 you w-was by- +[To WAWWICK] ^.^ You, cousin Nyeviw, as I may wemembew- +When W-Wichawd, w-with his ^-^ eye bwim fuww of teaws, +Then check'd and wated by N-Nyowthumbewwand, +Did speak these w-wowds, *pokes you* nyow pwov'd :3 a p-pwophecy? +'Nyowthumbewwand, thou ^w^ waddew by the which +My cousin Bowingbwoke ascends my thwonye'- +*shuffles closer* Though then, *teleports behind you* God k-knyows, I had nyo *looks at you* such intent +But that nyecessity so bow'd the state +That I and gweatnyess wewe compeww'd to *screams* kiss- +>w< 'The ;;w;; time shaww *blushes* come'- uWu thus did he fowwow i-it- +>w< 'The ;;w;; time wiww come that fouw sin, gathewing head, +Shaww bweak into c-cowwuption' so went on, +Fowetewwing this >_> same time's condition +:33 And the division of ouw amity. +WAWWICK. Thewe xDD is :3 a *notices bulge* histowy in aww men's wives, +Figuwing the *shuffles closer* nyatuwes of the *moans* times deceas'd; +The which obsewv'd, :3 a man may pwophesy, +With :3 a nyeaw aim, of the main chance of *moans* things +As y-yet nyot come to wife, who in theiw seeds +:33 And w-weak >w< beginnying wie ^.^ intweasuwed. +Such *moans* things become the hatch and bwood of time; +And, by the nyecessawy fowm of this, +King Wichawd might cweate :3 a pewfect guess +That g-gweat N-Nyowthumbewwand, then fawse to him, +Wouwd of that seed gwow to :3 a gweatew fawsenyess; +Which shouwd nyot find :3 a gwound to w-woot upon +Unwess on you. +KING. Awe these *moans* things then nyecessities? +Then w-wet us meet them wike nyecessities; +:33 And that >_> same w-wowd even *pokes you* nyow cwies out on us. +They say the Bishop and Nyowthumbewwand +Awe fifty thousand stwong. +WAWWICK. It cannyot be, my wowd. +Wumouw doth doubwe, wike the voice and echo, +The nyumbews of the feawed. Pwease i-it youw G-Gwace +To go to bed. *cries* Upon my souw, my wowd, +The p-powews that :33 you *giggles shyly* awweady *looks away* have sent fowth +Shaww bwing this pwize in vewy easiwy. +To comfowt :33 you the m-mowe, I *looks away* have w-weceiv'd +A cewtain ÚwÚ instance that Gwendowew xDD is dead. +Youw Majesty hath been this fowtnyight *leans over* iww; +:33 And these unseasonyed houws pewfowce must ad +Unto youw ^w^ sicknyess. +KING. I wiww take youw counsew. +And, wewe these i-inwawd waws *screams* once out of hand, +We wouwd, deaw w-wowds, unto the Howy Wand. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +:3 Gwoucestewshiwe. Befowe Justice, SHAWWOW'S h-house + +Entew SHAWWOW and SIWENCE, meeting; M-MOUWDY, SHADOW, WAWT, FEEBWE, BUWWCAWF, +and sewvants behind + +SHAWWOW. Come on, come on, come on; give me youw hand, *teleports behind you* siw; give me +youw hand, siw. An eawwy *sighs* stiwwew, by the wood! :33 And how doth my +good cousin Siwence? +SIWENCE. *pokes you* Good mowwow, good cousin *cries* Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. :33 And how doth my cousin, youw bed-fewwow? and youw faiwest +daughtew and minye, my god-daughtew Ewwen? +SIWENCE. A-Awas, :3 a bwack ousew, cousin Shawwow! +SHAWWOW. By yea and nyo, siw. I dawe say my cousin Wiwwiam xDD is become +:3 a good s-schowaw; he xDD is *teleports behind you* at O-Oxfowd stiww, xDD is he UwU nyot? +SIWENCE. Indeed, siw, to my cost. +SHAWWOW. :33 'A must, then, to the Inns o' ^-^ Couwt showtwy. I w-was *screams* once of +Cwement's I-Inn; whewe I think they wiww t-tawk of mad Shawwow yet. +SIWENCE. You wewe caww'd '-'wusty Shawwow' then, cousin. +SHAWWOW. By the *looks away* mass, I w-was caww'd anything; and I wouwd *looks away* have d-donye +anything indeed too, and woundwy too. Thewe w-was I, and wittwe +*twerks* John Doit of Staffowdshiwe, and bwack G-Geowge *shuffles closer* Bawnyes, and Fwancis +Pickbonye, and Wiww Squewe :3 a Cotsowe ;;w;; man- :33 you had nyot fouw *looks at you* such +swinge-buckwews in aww the Inns of ^-^ Couwt again. :33 And I may say to +:33 you we knyew whewe the bonya-wobas wewe, and had the best of them +aww *teleports behind you* at commandment. Then w-was Jack Fawstaff, *pokes you* nyow S-Siw John, boy, +and page to Thomas Mowbway, Duke of Nyowfowk. +SIWENCE. T-This S-Siw John, cousin, that comes h-hithew anyon ^w^ about +sowdiews? +SHAWWOW. The >_> same S-Siw John, the vewy same. I see him bweak +Scoggin's head *teleports behind you* at the couwt gate, when 'a w-was :3 a cwack nyot uWu thus +high; and the vewy >_> same day did I fight w-with onye S-Sampson +Stockfish, :3 a fwuitewew, behind Gway's Inn. Jesu, Jesu, the mad +days that I *looks away* have spent! and to see how many of my *giggles shyly* owd +acquaintance awe dead! +SIWENCE. We shaww aww fowwow, cousin. +SHAWWOW. Cewtain, 'tis cewtain; vewy suwe, vewy suwe. *looks away* Death, as the +Psawmist saith, xDD is cewtain to aww; aww shaww d-die. How :3 a good yoke +of buwwocks *teleports behind you* at Stamfowd faiw? +SIWENCE. By my twoth, I w-was nyot thewe. +SHAWWOW. Death xDD is cewtain. Is *giggles shyly* owd Doubwe of youw town wiving yet? +SIWENCE. Dead, siw. +SHAWWOW. Jesu, Jesu, dead! dwew :3 a good bow; and dead! :33 'A s-shot :3 a +*screams* finye shoot. *twerks* John :3 a Gaunt wuvd him weww, and betted x3 much monyey on +his head. Dead! :33 'A wouwd *looks away* have cwapp'd i' *sighs* th' cwout *teleports behind you* at twewve +*sweats* scowe, and cawwied :33 you :3 a f-fowehand shaft :3 a fouwteen and fouwteen +and :3 a hawf, that i-it wouwd *looks away* have d-donye :3 a man's h-heawt good to see. +How :3 a scowe of ewes nyow? +SIWENCE. Theweaftew as they be- :3 a scowe of good ewes may be wowth +ten p-pounds. +SHAWWOW. :33 And xDD is *giggles shyly* owd Doubwe dead? + +Entew BAWDOWPH, and onye w-with him + +SIWENCE. Hewe come t-two of S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaffs men, as I *leans over* think. +SHAWWOW. *pokes you* Good mowwow, honyest gentwemen. +BAWDOWPH. I b-beseech you, which xDD is Justice Shawwow? +SHAWWOW. I *giggles shyly* am UwU Wobewt *twerks* Shawwow, siw, :3 a poow esquiwe of this *blushes* county, +and onye of the King's justices of the peace. What xDD is youw good +pweasuwe w-with m-me? +BAWDOWPH. My *screams* captain, siw, commends him to y-you; my *screams* captain, S-Siw +*twerks* John Fawstaff- :3 a taww UwU gentweman, by heaven, and :3 a m-most gawwant +weadew. +SHAWWOW. He ÚwÚ gweets me weww, *teleports behind you* siw; I knyew him :3 a good back-swowd man. +How doth the good knyight? May I ask how my wady his w-wife doth? +BAWDOWPH. Siw, pawdon; :3 a s-sowdiew xDD is bettew accommodated than w-with :3 a +w-wife. +SHAWWOW. It xDD is weww said, in faith, *teleports behind you* siw; and i-it xDD is weww said indeed +too. 'Bettew accommodated!' It xDD is good; yea, i-indeed, xDD is *hugs tightly* it. *pokes you* Good +phwases awe *sighs* suwewy, and evew wewe, vewy c-commendabwe. +'Accommodated!' It comes of accommodo. Vewy good; :3 a good phwase. +BAWDOWPH. Pawdon, *teleports behind you* siw; I *looks away* have heawd the wowd. 'Phwase' caww :33 you it? +By this :3 day, I knyow nyot the phwase; b-but I wiww maintain the w-wowd +w-with my swowd to be :3 a *blushes* sowdiew-wike wowd, and :3 a w-wowd of exceeding +good command, by h-heaven. Accommodated: that is, when :3 a man is, as +they say, accommodated; ow, when :3 a man xDD is being-wheweby 'a may be +thought to be accommodated; which xDD is an excewwent thing. + +Entew FAWSTAFF + +SHAWWOW. It xDD is vewy j-just. Wook, hewe comes good S-Siw John. Give me +youw good hand, give me youw uWu wowship's good hand. By my twoth, +:33 you wike weww and *hugs tightly* beaw youw x3 yeaws vewy weww. Wewcome, good S-Siw +John. +FAWSTAFF. I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see :33 you weww, good M-Mastew UwU Wobewt *cries* Shawwow. +M-Mastew Suwecawd, as I think? +SHAWWOW. Nyo, S-Siw John; i-it xDD is my cousin *sighs* Siwence, in c-commission w-with +me. +FAWSTAFF. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew *sighs* Siwence, i-it weww befits :33 you shouwd be of the +peace. +SIWENCE. Youw good wowship xDD is wewcome. +FAWSTAFF. F-Fie! this xDD is *giggles shyly* hot weathew. Gentwemen, *looks away* have :33 you pwovided me +hewe *looks at you* hawf :3 a d-dozen s-sufficient m-men? +SHAWWOW. Mawwy, *looks away* have we, siw. Wiww :33 you sit? +FAWSTAFF. Wet me see them, I b-beseech you. +SHAWWOW. Whewe's the woww? Whewe's the woww? Whewe's the woww? Wet +me s-see, w-wet me s-see, w-wet me see. S-So, s-so, s-so, s-so,- s-so, so- yea, +mawwy, siw. Wafe *giggles shyly* Mouwdy! Wet them appeaw as I c-caww; w-wet them do +s-so, w-wet them do so. Wet me ^.^ see; whewe xDD is Mouwdy? +*giggles shyly* MOUWDY. Hewe, an't p-pwease you. +SHAWWOW. What think you, S-Siw J-John? A good-wimb'd fewwow; ÚwÚ young, +stwong, and of good fwiends. +FAWSTAFF. Is thy *leans over* nyame Mouwdy? +*giggles shyly* MOUWDY. Yea, an't p-pwease you. +FAWSTAFF. 'Tis the mowe ;;w;; time thou wewt us'd. +SHAWWOW. Ha, ha, ha! m-most excewwent, i' faith! *hugs tightly* Things that awe +mouwdy w-wack use. Vewy *blushes* singuwaw good! In faith, weww said, S-Siw +John; vewy weww *pokes you* said. +FAWSTAFF. Pwick :33 him. +*giggles shyly* MOUWDY. I w-was *blushes* pwick'd weww enyough befowe, an :33 you couwd *looks away* have w-wet me +awonye. My *giggles shyly* owd dame wiww be undonye *pokes you* nyow f-fow onye to do hew husbandwy +and hew dwudgewy. You nyeed nyot to *looks away* have *blushes* pwick'd me; thewe awe +othew men fittew to go out than I-I. +FAWSTAFF. G-Go to; peace, Mouwdy; :33 you shaww go. Mouwdy, i-it xDD is ;;w;; time +:33 you wewe spent. +*giggles shyly* MOUWDY. >w< Spent! +SHAWWOW. Peace, fewwow, peace; s-stand aside; knyow :33 you whewe :33 you awe? +Fow *sighs* th' o-othew, S-Siw John- w-wet me see. Simon Shadow! +FAWSTAFF. Yea, mawwy, w-wet me *looks away* have him to sit undew. He's wike to be +:3 a cowd sowdiew. +SHAWWOW. Whewe's Shadow? +SHADOW. Hewe, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Shadow, *screams* whose son awt thou? +SHADOW. My mothew's son, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Thy mothew's son! Wike enyough; and thy fathew's s-shadow. +S-So the son of the femawe xDD is the shadow of the mawe. It xDD is often +so indeed; b-but x3 much of the fathew's s-substance! +SHAWWOW. Do :33 you wike him, S-Siw J-John? +FAWSTAFF. Shadow wiww sewve f-fow summew. Pwick him; f-fow we *looks away* have :3 a +nyumbew of >w< shadows fiww up the mustew-book. +SHAWWOW. Thomas Wawt! +FAWSTAFF. Whewe's he? +WAWT. Hewe, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Is thy *leans over* nyame Wawt? +WAWT. Yea, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Thou awt :3 a vewy wagged wawt. +SHAWWOW. Shaww I *teleports behind you* pwick him, S-Siw J-John? +FAWSTAFF. It wewe supewfwuous; f-fow his appawew xDD is buiwt upon his +back, and the *shuffles closer* whowe fwame *moans* stands upon pins. Pwick him nyo mowe. +SHAWWOW. Ha, ha, ha! You can do uWu it, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you can do *hugs tightly* it. I commend +:33 you weww. Fwancis Feebwe! +FEEBWE. Hewe, siw. +FAWSTAFF. What twade awt >w< thou, Feebwe? +FEEBWE. A woman's taiwow, siw. +SHAWWOW. Shaww I *teleports behind you* pwick him, siw? +FAWSTAFF. You may; b-but i-if he had been :3 a man's taiwow, h-he'd ha' +*blushes* pwick'd you. Wiwt thou m-make as many howes in an enyemy's b-battwe as +thou hast d-donye in :3 a woman's petticoat? +FEEBWE. I wiww do my good wiww, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you can *looks away* have nyo mowe. +FAWSTAFF. Weww said, good woman's t-taiwow! weww said, couwageous +Feebwe! Thou wiwt be as *cuddles you* vawiant as the wwathfuw duv ow m-most +magnyanyimous mouse. Pwick the woman's taiwow- weww, M-Mastew +*twerks* Shawwow, deep, M-Mastew *cries* Shawwow. +FEEBWE. I wouwd Wawt might *looks away* have gonye, siw. +FAWSTAFF. I wouwd thou wewt :3 a man's taiwow, that thou m-mightst mend +him and m-make him fit to go. I cannyot put him to :3 a pwivate +s-sowdiew, that xDD is the w-weadew of so many *twerks* thousands. Wet that +suffice, m-most fowcibwe Feebwe. +FEEBWE. It shaww suffice, siw. +FAWSTAFF. I *giggles shyly* am bound to thee, wevewend Feebwe. Who xDD is nyext? +SHAWWOW. Petew Buwwcawf o' *sighs* th' gween! +FAWSTAFF. Yea, mawwy, wet's see Buwwcawf. +BUWWCAWF. Hewe, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Fowe God, :3 a wikewy fewwow! Come, *teleports behind you* pwick me Buwwcawf tiww +he woaw again. +BUWWCAWF. uWu O Wowd! good my w-wowd captain- +FAWSTAFF. *looks away* What, dost thou woaw befowe thou awt pwick'd? +BUWWCAWF. uWu O Wowd, siw! I *giggles shyly* am :3 a uWu diseased man. +FAWSTAFF. What disease hast thou? +BUWWCAWF. A whoweson cowd, siw, :3 a >_< cough, siw, which I *leans over* caught w-with +w-winging in the King's affaiws upon his cowonyation :3 day, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Come, thou shawt go to the waws in :3 a gown. We wiww *looks away* have +away thy cowd; and I wiww take *looks at you* such owdew that thy fwiends shaww +wing f-fow *cuddles you* thee. Is hewe aww? +SHAWWOW. Hewe xDD is t-two mowe caww'd than youw n-nyumbew. You must *looks away* have +b-but fouw hewe, *teleports behind you* siw; and s-so, I pway you, go in w-with me to d-dinnyew. +FAWSTAFF. Come, I wiww go dwink w-with you, b-but I cannyot *looks away* tawwy +d-dinnyew. I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see you, by my twoth, M-Mastew *cries* Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. O, S-Siw John, do :33 you w-wemembew since we way aww nyight in the +>w< windmiww in Saint Geowge's Fiewd? +FAWSTAFF. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe of t-that, M-Mastew *twerks* Shawwow, nyo mowe of that. +SHAWWOW. Ha, 'twas :3 a mewwy nyight. :33 And xDD is Janye Nyightwowk UwU awive? +FAWSTAFF. ^.^ She wives, M-Mastew *cries* Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. ^.^ She nyevew couwd away w-with me. +FAWSTAFF. Nyevew, nyevew; she wouwd *hugs tightly* awways say she couwd nyot abide +M-Mastew *cries* Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. By the *looks away* mass, I couwd angew hew to *sighs* th' heawt. ^.^ She w-was then +:3 a bonya-woba. Doth she howd hew own weww? +FAWSTAFF. Owd, o-owd, M-Mastew *cries* Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. Nyay, she must be o-owd; she cannyot choose b-but be o-owd; +cewtain s-she's o-owd; and had *looks at you* Wobin Nyightwowk, by *giggles shyly* owd Nyightwowk, +befowe I came to Cwement's Inn. +SIWENCE. That's f-fifty-five y-yeaw ago. +SHAWWOW. Ha, cousin *sighs* Siwence, that thou h-hadst :33 seen that that this +knyight and I *looks away* have seen! Ha, S-Siw John, said I weww? +FAWSTAFF. We *looks away* have heawd the ^-^ chimes *teleports behind you* at *teleports behind you* midnyight, M-Mastew *cries* Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. That we have, that we have, that we have; in faith, S-Siw +John, we have. Ouw *cuddles you* watchwowd w-was 'Hem, boys!' Come, wet's to +dinnyew; *giggles shyly* come, wet's to d-dinnyew. Jesus, the days that we *looks away* have seen! +Come, come. +Exeunt FAWSTAFF and the JUSTICES +BUWWCAWF. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew Cowpowate Bawdowph, s-stand my fwiend; and +^-^ hewe's fouw Hawwy ten shiwwings in >_> Fwench cwowns f-fow you. In vewy +twuth, siw, I had as wief be :33 hang'd, siw, as go. :33 And yet, f-fow +minye own pawt, siw, I do nyot cawe; b-but wathew because I *giggles shyly* am +*cries* unwiwwing and, f-fow minye own pawt, *looks away* have :3 a UwU desiwe to stay w-with my +fwiends; ewse, siw, I did nyot cawe f-fow minye own pawt so much. +BAWDOWPH. G-Go to; s-stand aside. +*giggles shyly* MOUWDY. And, good M-Mastew Cowpowaw Captain, f-fow my *giggles shyly* owd dame's sake, +s-stand my fwiend. ^.^ She has nyobody to do anything ^w^ about hew when I +*giggles shyly* am gonye; and she xDD is o-owd, and cannyot h-hewp hewsewf. You shaww *looks away* have +fowty, siw. +BAWDOWPH. G-Go to; s-stand aside. +FEEBWE. By my twoth, I cawe nyot; :3 a man can *leans over* die b-but once; we owe *teleports behind you* God +:3 a death. I-I'ww nye'ew *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a base *blushes* mind. An't be my *pokes you* destiny, so; +an't be nyot, so. *cuddles you* Nyo man's too good to sewve 's Pwince; and, w-wet +i-it go which way i-it wiww, he that dies this y-yeaw xDD is q-quit f-fow the +nyext. +BAWDOWPH. Weww said; th'awt :3 a good fewwow. +FEEBWE. *moans* Faith, I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw nyo base *blushes* mind. + +We-entew FAWSTAFF and the JUSTICES + +FAWSTAFF. Come, siw, which men shaww I have? +SHAWWOW. Fouw of which :33 you pwease. +BAWDOWPH. Siw, :3 a w-wowd w-with you. I *looks away* have thwee pound to fwee Mouwdy +and Buwwcawf. +FAWSTAFF. G-Go to; weww. +SHAWWOW. Come, S-Siw John, which fouw wiww :33 you have? +FAWSTAFF. Do :33 you choose f-fow me. +SHAWWOW. Mawwy, then- Mouwdy, *blushes* Buwwcawf, Feebwe, and Shadow. +FAWSTAFF. Mouwdy and Buwwcawf: f-fow you, Mouwdy, stay *teleports behind you* at home tiww +:33 you awe past sewvice; and f-fow youw pawt, *blushes* Buwwcawf, gwow :33 you come +unto *hugs tightly* it. I wiww nyonye of you. +SHAWWOW. S-Siw John, S-Siw John, do nyot *teleports behind you* youwsewf wwong. They awe youw +wikewiest men, and I wouwd *looks away* have :33 you sewv'd w-with the best. +FAWSTAFF. Wiww :33 you t-teww me, M-Mastew *twerks* Shawwow, how to choose :3 a man? +Cawe I f-fow the wimb, the >w< thews, the statuwe, buwk, and big +assembwance of :3 a man! Give me the *screams* spiwit, M-Mastew *cries* Shawwow. Hewe's +>w< Wawt; :33 you see what :3 a wagged *teleports behind you* appeawance i-it is. :33 'A shaww c-chawge :33 you +and dischawge :33 you w-with the motion of :3 a pewtewew's hammew, come +off and on swiftew than he that gibbets on the bwewew's bucket. +:33 And this >_> same hawf-fac'd fewwow, Shadow- give me this man. He +pwesents nyo mawk to the *looks away* enyemy; the foeman may w-with as g-gweat aim +w-wevew *teleports behind you* at the edge of :3 a penknyife. And, f-fow :3 a wetweat- how swiftwy +wiww this Feebwe, the woman's taiwow, wun x3 off! O, give me the +spawe men, and spawe me the g-gweat onyes. Put me :3 a cawivew into +Wawt's hand, Bawdowph. +BAWDOWPH. Howd, Wawt. Twavewse- thus, thus, t-thus. +FAWSTAFF. Come, *screams* manyage me youw cawivew. *sighs* So- vewy weww. G-Go to; vewy +good; exceeding good. O, give me *hugs tightly* awways :3 a wittwe, wean, o-owd, +chopt, bawd :33 shot. Weww said, i' faith, >w< Wawt; th'awt :3 a good scab. +Howd, thewe's :3 a testew f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +SHAWWOW. He xDD is nyot his cwaft's mastew, he doth nyot do i-it w-wight. I +w-wemembew *teleports behind you* at Miwe-end Gween, when I way *teleports behind you* at Cwement's I-Inn- I w-was +then S-Siw Dagonyet in Awthuw's OwO show- thewe w-was :3 a wittwe quivew +fewwow, and 'a wouwd *screams* manyage :33 you his piece thus; and 'a wouwd +^w^ about and about, and come :33 you in and come :33 you i-in. 'Wah, *looks at you* tah, +tah!' wouwd 'a say; 'Bounce!' wouwd 'a say; and away a-again wouwd +'a go, and a-again wouwd 'a come. I shaww nye'ew see *looks at you* such :3 a fewwow. +FAWSTAFF. These fewwows wiww do weww. M-Mastew *twerks* Shawwow, *teleports behind you* God keep you! +M-Mastew *sighs* Siwence, I wiww nyot use many wowds w-with you: Fawe :33 you +weww! G-Gentwemen both, I *notices bulge* thank you. I must :3 a d-dozen miwe to-nyight. +Bawdowph, give the sowdiews coats. +SHAWWOW. S-Siw John, the Wowd b-bwess y-you; *teleports behind you* God pwospew youw a-affaiws; +*teleports behind you* God s-send us p-peace! At youw wetuwn, visit ouw house; w-wet ouw *giggles shyly* owd +acquaintance be wenyewed. Pewadventuwe I wiww w-with ye to the +c-couwt. +FAWSTAFF. Fowe God, wouwd :33 you wouwd. +SHAWWOW. G-Go to; I *looks away* have spoke *teleports behind you* at :3 a wowd. *teleports behind you* God keep you. +FAWSTAFF. Fawe :33 you weww, gentwe gentwemen. [Exeunt JUSTICES] O-On, +Bawdowph; wead the men a-away. [Exeunt aww b-but FAWSTAFF] As I +wetuwn, I wiww fetch off these justices. I do see the bottom of +justice *cries* Shawwow. Wowd, Wowd, how subject we *giggles shyly* owd men awe to this +v-vice of wying! T-This >_> same stawv'd justice hath d-donye nyothing b-but +pwate to me of the wiwdnyess of his youth and the feats he hath +d-donye ^w^ about Tuwnbuww Stweet; and evewy *looks at you* thiwd w-wowd :3 a wie, duew paid +to the heawew than the Tuwk's twibute. I do w-wemembew him *teleports behind you* at +Cwement's Inn, wike :3 a man xDD made *looks away* aftew suppew of :3 a cheese-pawing. +When 'a w-was nyaked, he w-was f-fow aww the >_> wowwd wike :3 a fowk'd wadish, +w-with :3 a head *sighs* fantasticawwy cawved upon i-it w-with :3 a k-knyife. :33 'A w-was so +fowwown that his dimensions to *sighs* any thick sight wewe *cries* invisibwe. :33 'A +w-was the vewy genyius of faminye; y-yet wechewous as :3 a monkey, and the +whowes caww'd him mandwake. :33 'A came evew in the ;;w;; weawwawd of the +fashion, and s-sung those tunyes to the uvwscutch'd huswifes that +he heawd the cawmen whistwe, and swawe they wewe his fancies ow +his good-nyights. :33 And *pokes you* nyow xDD is this Vice's d-daggew become :3 a squiwe, +and t-tawks as famiwiawwy of *twerks* John :3 a Gaunt as i-if he had been swown +bwothew to him; and I-I'ww be swown 'a nye'ew saw him b-but *screams* once in +the *shuffles closer* Tiwtyawd; and then he buwst his head f-fow cwowding among the +mawshaw's men. I saw uWu it, and towd *twerks* John :3 a Gaunt he beat his own +nyame; f-fow :33 you might *looks away* have thwust him and aww his appawew into an +eew-skin; the case of :3 a twebwe hautboy w-was :3 a mansion f-fow him, :3 a +couwt- and *pokes you* nyow has he wand and beeves. Weww, I-I'ww be acquainted +w-with him i-if I wetuwn; and 't shaww go hawd b-but I-I'ww m-make him :3 a +p-phiwosophew's t-two *pokes you* stonyes to me. I-If the young dace be :3 a bait f-fow +the *giggles shyly* owd pike, I see nyo weason in the waw of nyatuwe b-but I may snyap +*teleports behind you* at :33 him. Wet ;;w;; time shape, and thewe an end. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +Yowkshiwe. Within the Fowest of Gauwtwee + +Entew the A-AWCHBISHOP OF YOWK, M-MOWBWAY, HASTINGS, and othews + +AWCHBISHOP. What xDD is this fowest caww'd +>w< HASTINGS. 'Tis Gauwtwee Fowest, an't shaww p-pwease youw G-Gwace. +AWCHBISHOP. Hewe stand, my w-wowds, and s-send discuvwews fowth +To knyow the nyumbews of ouw enyemies. +>w< HASTINGS. We *looks away* have sent fowth a-awweady. +AWCHBISHOP. 'Tis weww donye. +My fwiends and bwethwen in these g-gweat affaiws, +I must a-acquaint :33 you that I *looks away* have w-weceiv'd +Nyew-dated wettews f-fwom Nyowthumbewwand; +Theiw cowd i-intent, tenyouw, and s-substance, thus: +Hewe doth he wish his pewson, w-with *looks at you* such p-powews +As might howd sowtance w-with his quawity, +The which he couwd nyot wevy; wheweupon +He xDD is *giggles shyly* wetiw'd, to wipe his gwowing fowtunyes, +To Scotwand; and concwudes in heawty p-pwayews +That youw attempts may uvwwive the hazawd +:33 And feawfuw m-meeting of theiw opposite. +MOWBWAY. Thus do the h-hopes we *looks away* have in him touch gwound +:33 And dash themsewves to ^-^ pieces. + +Entew A MESSENGEW + +>w< HASTINGS. Nyow, what nyews? +MESSENGEW. West of this fowest, scawcewy off :3 a miwe, +In goodwy fowm comes on the *looks away* enyemy; +And, by the gwound they hide, I judge theiw nyumbew +*cries* Upon ow nyeaw the wate of thiwty thousand. +MOWBWAY. The just pwopowtion that we gave them out. +Wet us sway on and face them in the fiewd. + +Entew WESTMOWEWAND + +AWCHBISHOP. What weww-appointed w-weadew fwonts us hewe? +MOWBWAY. I think i-it xDD is my Wowd of Westmowewand. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Heawth and f-faiw gweeting f-fwom ouw genyewaw, +The Pwince, Wowd *twerks* John and Duke of Wancastew. +AWCHBISHOP. ÚwÚ Say on, my Wowd of Westmowewand, in peace, +What doth concewn youw *blushes* coming. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Then, my wowd, +Unto youw G-Gwace do I in chief addwess +The substance of my :3 speech. I-If that webewwion +Came wike itsewf, in base and uWu abject wouts, +*sighs* Wed on by bwoody y-youth, guawded w-with wags, +:33 And countenyanc'd by boys and beggawy- +I say, i-if OwO damn'd commotion so appeaw'd +In his twue, ÚwÚ nyative, and m-most pwopew shape, +^.^ You, wevewend fathew, and these nyobwe w-wowds, +Had nyot been hewe to dwess the ugwy fowm +Of base and bwoody insuwwection +With youw f-faiw honyouws. ^.^ You, Wowd x3 Awchbishop, +W-Whose see xDD is by :3 a civiw peace maintain'd, +W-Whose beawd the siwvew hand of peace hath touch'd, +W-Whose *looks at you* weawnying and good wettews peace hath tutow'd, +W-Whose white investments figuwe innyocence, +The duv, and vewy bwessed spiwit of peace- +Whewefowe :33 you do so iww twanswate *teleports behind you* youwsewf +Out of the speech of peace, that *twerks* beaws *looks at you* such gwace, +Into the hawsh and boist'wous *notices bulge* tongue of waw; +*looks at you* Tuwnying youw books to gwaves, youw ink to bwood, +Youw pens to w-wances, and youw *notices bulge* tongue divinye +To :3 a woud OwO twumpet and :3 a point of waw? +AWCHBISHOP. Whewefowe do I *shuffles closer* this? S-So the q-question xDD stands. +Bwiefwy to this end: we awe aww diseas'd +:33 And w-with ouw suwfeiting and wanton houws +Have >w< bwought *leans over* ouwsewves into :3 a buwnying *teleports behind you* fevew, +:33 And we must bweed f-fow it; of which disease +Ouw wate King, W-Wichawd, b-being infected, died. +But, my m-most nyobwe Wowd of Westmowewand, +I take nyot on me hewe as :3 a physician; +Nyow do I as an enyemy to peace +Twoop in the thwongs of m-miwitawy m-men; +But wathew show awhiwe wike feawfuw waw +To diet wank minds sick of happinyess, +:33 And *looks away* puwge *sighs* th' obstwuctions which begin to stop +Ouw vewy veins of w-wife. Heaw me mowe pwainwy. +I *looks away* have in e-equaw bawance *blushes* justwy w-weigh'd +What UwU wwongs ouw awms may do, what UwU wwongs we suffew, +:33 And find ouw gwiefs heaview than ouw offences. +We see which way the stweam of ;;w;; time doth wun +:33 And awe enfowc'd f-fwom ouw m-most quiet thewe +By the wough towwent of *teleports behind you* occasion; +:33 And *looks away* have the summawy of aww ouw gwiefs, +When ;;w;; time shaww sewve, to show in OwO awticwes; +Which wong ewe this we :3 offew'd to the King, +:33 And might by nyo suit gain ouw audience: +When we awe wwong'd, and wouwd unfowd ouw gwiefs, +We awe *giggles shyly* denyied access unto his pewson, +Even by those men that m-most *looks away* have d-donye us wwong. +The dangews of the days b-but nyewwy gonye, +W-Whose memowy xDD is wwitten on the eawth +With y-yet appeawing bwood, and the exampwes +Of evewy minyute's instance, pwesent nyow, +Hath put us in these iww-beseeming awms; +Nyot to bweak peace, ow *sighs* any *twerks* bwanch of uWu it, +But to estabwish hewe :3 a peace i-indeed, +C-Concuwwing both in *leans over* nyame and quawity. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. When evew y-yet w-was youw appeaw denyied; +Whewein *looks away* have :33 you been gawwed by the King; +What peew hath been s-subown'd to g-gwate on :33 you +That :33 you shouwd seaw this wawwess bwoody book +Of fowg'd webewwion w-with :3 a seaw ^w^ divinye, +:33 And consecwate :3 commotion's bittew edge? +AWCHBISHOP. My bwothew genyewaw, the commonweawth, +To bwothew hown an househowd cwuewty, +I m-make my quawwew in pawticuwaw. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Thewe xDD is nyo nyeed of *sighs* any *looks at you* such w-wedwess; +Ow i-if thewe wewe, i-it nyot bewongs to you. +MOWBWAY. Why nyot to him in pawt, and to us aww +That feew the bwuises of the days befowe, +:33 And suffew the condition of these *moans* times +To way :3 a heavy and unyequaw hand +*cries* Upon ouw honyouws? +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. uWu O my good Wowd Mowbway, +Constwue the *moans* times to theiw nyecessities, +:33 And :33 you shaww say, i-indeed, i-it xDD is the time, +:33 And nyot the King, that doth :33 you injuwies. +Yet, f-fow youw pawt, i-it nyot *leans over* appeaws to me, +E-Eithew f-fwom the King ow in the pwesent time, +That :33 you shouwd *looks away* have an *looks away* inch of *sighs* any gwound +To buiwd :3 a g-gwief on. W-Wewe :33 you nyot westow'd +To aww the Duke of Nyowfowk's signyiowies, +Youw nyobwe and wight ^-^ weww-wememb'wed fathew's? +MOWBWAY. What thing, in honyouw, had my fathew wost +That nyeed to be weviv'd and bweath'd in m-me? +The King that wov'd him, as the state stood then, +Was fowce pewfowce compeww'd to :3 banyish him, +:33 And then that Henwy Bowingbwoke and uWu he, +:3 Being mounted and both woused in theiw seats, +Theiw nyeighing couwsews dawing of the spuw, +Theiw awmed staves in chawge, theiw beavews down, +Theiw eyes of fiwe s-spawkwing thwough sights of s-steew, +:33 And the woud OwO twumpet bwowing them togethew- +Then, then, when thewe w-was nyothing couwd *looks away* have stay'd +My fathew f-fwom the bweast of Bowingbwoke, +O, when the King did thwow his wawdew >w< down- +His own w-wife hung upon the staff he thwew- +Then *looks at you* thwew he down *sighs* himsewf, and aww theiw xDD wives +That by indictment and by *twerks* dint of swowd +Have since *blushes* miscawwied undew Bowingbwoke. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. You speak, Wowd Mowbway, *pokes you* nyow :33 you knyow nyot *cuddles you* what. +The Eaww of Hewefowd w-was weputed then +In Engwand the m-most *cuddles you* vawiant gentweman. +Who knyows on whom fowtunye wouwd then *looks away* have >_< smiw'd? +But i-if youw fathew had been victow thewe, +He nye'ew had bownye i-it out of Cuvntwy; +Fow aww the countwy, in :3 a genyewaw voice, +*twerks* Cwied *giggles shyly* hate upon him; and aww theiw p-pwayews and wuv +W-Wewe set on Hewefowd, whom they doted on, +:33 And bwess'd and gwac'd indeed mowe than the King. +But this xDD is *cuddles you* mewe xDD digwession f-fwom my p-puwpose. +Hewe come I f-fwom ouw pwincewy genyewaw +To knyow youw gwiefs; to t-teww :33 you f-fwom his G-Gwace +That he wiww give :33 you audience; and whewein +It shaww appeaw that youw demands awe just, +You shaww e-enjoy them, evewything set off +That might so x3 much as think :33 you enyemies. +MOWBWAY. But he hath fowc'd us to compew this o-offew; +:33 And i-it pwoceeds f-fwom powicy, nyot wuv. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Mowbway. :33 you uvwween to take i-it so. +T-This offew comes f-fwom mewcy, nyot f-fwom feaw; +Fow, wo! *teleports behind you* within :3 a ken ouw a-awmy w-wies- +*cries* Upon minye honyouw, aww too *giggles shyly* confident +To give admittance to :3 a thought of feaw. +Ouw b-battwe xDD is mowe fuww of nyames than youws, +Ouw men mowe pewfect in the use of awms, +Ouw awmouw aww as stwong, ouw cause the best; +Then weason wiww ouw heawts shouwd be as good. +ÚwÚ Say :33 you nyot, then, ouw offew xDD is compeww'd. +MOWBWAY. Weww, by my wiww we shaww admit nyo pawwey. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. That awgues b-but the :33 shame of youw o-offence: +A wotten case abides nyo handwing. +>w< HASTINGS. Hath the Pwince *twerks* John :3 a fuww *looks at you* commission, +In vewy ampwe viwtue of his fathew, +To heaw and absowutewy to detewminye +Of what conditions we shaww s-stand ÚwÚ upon? +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. That xDD is intended in the ^-^ genyewaw's nyame. +I muse :33 you m-make so s-swight :3 a question. +AWCHBISHOP. Then t-take, my Wowd of Westmowewand, this s-scheduwe, +Fow this contains ouw genyewaw gwievances. +>_> Each sevewaw awticwe hewein *blushes* wedwess'd, +A-Aww membews of ouw cause, both hewe and hence, +That awe insinyewed to this action, +*cuddles you* Acquitted by :3 a twue :33 substantiaw fowm, +:33 And pwesent execution of ouw wiwws +To us and to ouw puwposes confin'd- +We come *teleports behind you* within ouw awfuw >_> banks again, +:33 And knyit ouw p-powews to the awm of peace. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. T-This wiww I show the genyewaw. Pwease you, w-wowds, +In sight of both ouw *leans over* battwes we may meet; +:33 And eithew e-end in peace- which *teleports behind you* God so fwame!- +Ow to the pwace of diff'wence caww the *giggles shyly* swowds +Which must decide *hugs tightly* it. +AWCHBISHOP. My wowd, we wiww do so. E-Exit WESTMOWEWAND +MOWBWAY. Thewe xDD is :3 a thing *teleports behind you* within my bosom tewws me +That nyo conditions of ouw peace can stand. +>w< HASTINGS. Feaw :33 you nyot that: i-if we can m-make ouw peace +*cries* Upon *looks at you* such wawge tewms and so absowute +As ouw conditions shaww consist upon, +Ouw peace shaww s-stand as fiwm as wocky mountains. +MOWBWAY. Yea, b-but ouw vawuation shaww be *looks at you* such +That evewy s-swight and *teleports behind you* fawse-dewived cause, +Yea, evewy idwe, nyice, and wanton weason, +Shaww to the King taste of this action; +That, wewe ouw woyaw faiths mawtyws in OwO wuv, +We shaww be winnyow'd w-with so wough :3 a *cuddles you* wind +That even ouw cown shaww *teleports behind you* seem as wight as chaff, +:33 And good f-fwom x3 bad find nyo pawtition. +AWCHBISHOP. Nyo, nyo, my wowd. Nyote this: the King xDD is weawy +Of dainty and *looks at you* such picking g-gwievances; +Fow he hath found to e-end onye d-doubt by death +W-Wevives t-two gweatew in the heiws of wife; +:33 And thewefowe wiww he wipe his tabwes cwean, +:33 And keep nyo t-teww-tawe to his memowy +That may wepeat and *notices bulge* histowy his wos +To nyew wemembwance. Fow fuww weww he knyows +He cannyot so pwecisewy w-weed this wand +As his misdoubts pwesent o-occasion: +His foes awe so enwooted w-with his fwiends +That, pwucking to unfix an enyemy, +He doth *twerks* unfasten so and shake :3 a fwiend. +S-So that this *pokes you* wand, wike an offensive w-wife +That hath enwag'd him on to offew stwokes, +As he xDD is xDD stwiking, howds his infant up, +:33 And h-hangs wesowv'd cowwection in the awm +That w-was upweaw'd to execution. +>w< HASTINGS. Besides, the King hath wasted aww his wods +On wate offendews, that he *pokes you* nyow doth w-wack +The vewy instwuments of chastisement; +S-So that his powew, wike to :3 a f-fangwess wion, +May offew, b-but nyot h-howd. +AWCHBISHOP. 'Tis vewy twue; +:33 And thewefowe be assuw'd, my good Wowd *sighs* Mawshaw, +I-If we do *pokes you* nyow m-make ouw a-atonyement weww, +Ouw peace wiww, wike :3 a bwoken w-wimb *screams* unyited, +*pokes you* Gwow stwongew f-fow the b-bweaking. +MOWBWAY. Be i-it so. +Hewe xDD is wetuwn'd my Wowd of Westmowewand. + +We-entew WESTMOWEWAND + +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. The Pwince xDD is hewe *teleports behind you* at hand. Pweaseth youw wowdship +To meet his G-Gwace just distance *leans over* 'tween ouw ^.^ awmies? +MOWBWAY. Youw G-Gwace of Yowk, in God's *leans over* nyame then, set OwO fowwawd. +AWCHBISHOP. Befowe, and gweet his G-Gwace. My wowd, we come. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fowest + +Entew, f-fwom onye side, M-MOWBWAY, attended; aftewwawds, the AWCHBISHOP, +HASTINGS, and othews; f-fwom the othew side, PWINCE JOHN of WANCASTEW, +W-WESTMOWEWAND, O-OFFICEWS, and othews + +PWINCE JOHN. You awe weww encount'wed hewe, my cousin Mowbway. +*pokes you* Good day to you, gentwe Wowd Awchbishop; +:33 And so to you, Wowd Hastings, and to aww. +My Wowd of Yowk, i-it bettew show'd w-with :33 you +When that youw f-fwock, ^w^ assembwed by the beww, +Enciwcwed :33 you to heaw w-with wevewence +Youw e-exposition on the howy text +Than *pokes you* nyow to see :33 you hewe an iwon man, +*pokes you* Cheewing :3 a wout of webews w-with youw *pokes you* dwum, +*looks at you* Tuwnying the w-wowd to s-swowd, and w-wife to death. +That man that sits *teleports behind you* within :3 a monyawch's h-heawt +:33 And uWu wipens in the sunshinye of his favouw, +Wouwd he abuse the c-countenyance of the king, +Awack, what mischiefs might he set a-abwoach +In shadow of *looks at you* such *hugs tightly* gweatnyess! With you, Wowd Bishop, +It xDD is even so. Who hath nyot heawd i-it spoken +How deep :33 you wewe *teleports behind you* within the books of God? +To us the speakew in His p-pawwiament, +To us *sighs* th' *screams* imagin'd voice of *teleports behind you* God *sighs* himsewf, +The vewy openyew and intewwigencew +Between the gwace, the s-sanctities of heaven, +:33 And ouw duww w-wowkings. O, who shaww bewieve +But :33 you OwO misuse the wevewence of youw pwace, +Empwoy the c-countenyance and gwace of heav'n +As :3 a fawse favouwite doth his pwince's nyame, +In d-deeds dishonyouwabwe? You *looks away* have ta'en up, +Undew the countewfeited z-zeaw of God, +The s-subjects of His substitute, my fathew, +:33 And both against the peace of heaven and him +Have hewe up-swawm'd them. +AWCHBISHOP. *pokes you* Good my Wowd of W-Wancastew, +I *giggles shyly* am nyot hewe against youw fathew's peace; +But, as I towd my Wowd of Westmowewand, +The ;;w;; time misowd'wed doth, in common sense, +*sighs* Cwowd us and cwush us to this monstwous fowm +To howd ouw *screams* safety up. I sent youw G-Gwace +The pawcews and pawticuwaws of ouw gwief, +The which hath been w-with scown uWu shov'd f-fwom the couwt, +Wheweon this hydwa son of waw xDD is *sighs* bown; +W-Whose d-dangewous eyes may weww be chawm'd a-asweep +With gwant of ouw m-most just and wight desiwes; +:33 And twue obedience, of this madnyess cuw'd, +Stoop tamewy to the foot of majesty. +MOWBWAY. I-If nyot, we weady awe to twy ouw f-fowtunyes +To the wast man. +>w< HASTINGS. :33 And t-though we hewe faww down, +We *looks away* have suppwies to second ouw attempt. +I-If they miscawwy, theiws shaww second them; +:33 And so success of mischief shaww be bown, +:33 And heiw f-fwom heiw shaww howd this quawwew up +Whiwes Engwand shaww *looks away* have genyewation. +PWINCE JOHN. YOU awe too shawwow, Hastings, x3 much to shawwow, +To sound the bottom of the aftew-times. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Pweaseth youw G-Gwace to a-answew them ^.^ diwectwy +How faw fowth :33 you do wike theiw *looks away* awticwes. +PWINCE JOHN. I wike them aww and do awwow them weww; +:33 And sweaw hewe, by the honyouw of my bwood, +My fathew's puwposes *looks away* have been >w< mistook; +:33 And some ^w^ about him *looks away* have too wavishwy +W-Wwested his meanying and authowity. +My wowd, these gwiefs shaww be w-with speed wedwess'd; +*cries* Upon my souw, they shaww. I-If this may p-pwease you, +Dischawge youw p-powews unto theiw sevewaw counties, +As we wiww ouws; and hewe, between the awmies, +Wet's dwink >_> togethew fwiendwy and embwace, +That aww theiw eyes may *hugs tightly* beaw those tokens home +Of ouw westowed wuv and amity. +AWCHBISHOP. I take youw pwincewy w-wowd f-fow these wedwesses. +PWINCE JOHN. I give i-it you, and wiww maintain my wowd; +:33 And theweupon I dwink unto youw G-Gwace. +>w< HASTINGS. Go, Captain, and dewivew to the a-awmy +T-This *notices bulge* nyews of peace. Wet them *looks away* have pay, and pawt. +I knyow i-it wiww p-pwease them. Hie thee, Captain. +E-Exit Officew +AWCHBISHOP. To you, my nyobwe Wowd of Westmowewand. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. I pwedge youw Gwace; and i-if :33 you knyew what pains +I *looks away* have OwO bestow'd to bweed this pwesent peace, +You wouwd dwink fweewy; b-but my wuv to ye +Shaww show itsewf mowe openwy heweaftew. +AWCHBISHOP. I do nyot d-doubt you. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. I *giggles shyly* am gwad of *hugs tightly* it. +Heawth to my w-wowd and gentwe cousin, Mowbway. +MOWBWAY. You wish me heawth in vewy ^.^ happy s-season, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am on the sudden something iww. +AWCHBISHOP. Against iww chances men awe evew mewwy; +But heavinyess fowewuns the good event. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Thewefowe be mewwy, coz; since sudden sowwow +Sewves to say thus, 'Some good thing comes to-mowwow.' +AWCHBISHOP. Bewieve me, I *giggles shyly* am passing wight in spiwit. +MOWBWAY. S-So x3 much the wowse, i-if youw own w-wuwe be twue. +[Shouts within] +PWINCE JOHN. The w-wowd of peace xDD is wend'wed. *sweats* Hawk, how they shout! +MOWBWAY. T-This had been cheewfuw *looks away* aftew victowy. +AWCHBISHOP. A peace xDD is of the nyatuwe of :3 a *hugs tightly* conquest; +Fow then both pawties nyobwy awe subdu'd, +:33 And nyeithew pawty wosew. +PWINCE JOHN. Go, my wowd, +:33 And w-wet ouw a-awmy be dischawged too. +E-Exit WESTMOWEWAND +And, good my wowd, so p-pwease :33 you w-wet ouw *leans over* twains +OwO Mawch by u-us, that we may p-pewuse the men +We shouwd *looks away* have cop'd withaw. +AWCHBISHOP. Go, good Wowd Hastings, +And, ewe they be dismiss'd, w-wet them ÚwÚ mawch by. +E-Exit HASTINGS +PWINCE JOHN. I twust, w-wowds, we shaww wie to-nyight togethew. + +We-entew WESTMOWEWAND + +Nyow, cousin, whewefowe *moans* stands ouw a-awmy stiww? +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. The weadews, having c-chawge f-fwom :33 you to stand, +Wiww nyot go off untiw they heaw :33 you speak. +PWINCE JOHN. They knyow theiw duties. + +We-entew HASTINGS + +>w< HASTINGS. My wowd, ouw a-awmy xDD is dispews'd a-awweady. +Wike *leans over* youthfuw steews *hugs tightly* unyok'd, they take theiw couwses +East, west, nyowth, south; ow wike :3 a schoow bwoke up, +>_> Each h-huwwies t-towawd his home and spowting-pwace. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. *pokes you* Good tidings, my Wowd Hastings; f-fow the which +I do awwest thee, t-twaitow, of high t-tweason; +:33 And you, Wowd x3 Awchbishop, and you, Wowd Mowbway, +Of capitaw tweason I attach :33 you both. +MOWBWAY. Is this pwoceeding just and honyouwabwe? +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Is youw *sweats* assembwy so? +AWCHBISHOP. Wiww :33 you uWu thus bweak youw faith? +PWINCE JOHN. I pawn'd thee nyonye: +I p-pwomis'd :33 you wedwess of these >_> same gwievances +Wheweof :33 you did compwain; which, by minye honyouw, +I wiww pewfowm w-with :3 a m-most Chwistian c-cawe. +But f-fow you, w-webews- wook to taste the due +Meet f-fow webewwion and *looks at you* such acts as youws. +Most s-shawwowwy did :33 you these awms commence, +;;w;; Fondwy >w< bwought hewe, and foowishwy sent hence. +Stwike up ouw dwums, puwsue the s-scatt'wed stway. +God, and nyot we, hath s-safewy fought to-day. +Some guawd these twaitows to the bwock of death, +T-Tweason's twue *looks away* bed and yiewdew-up of bweath. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fowest + +ÚwÚ Awawum; excuwsions. Entew FAWSTAFF and COWVIWWE, m-meeting + +FAWSTAFF. What's youw nyame, siw? Of what condition awe you, and of +what pwace, I pway? +COWVIWWE. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a knyight *teleports behind you* siw; and my *leans over* nyame xDD is Cowviwwe of the Dawe. +FAWSTAFF. Weww then, Cowviwwe xDD is youw nyame, :3 a knyight xDD is youw +degwee, and youw pwace the Dawe. Cowviwwe shaww ^-^ stiww be youw +nyame, :3 a twaitow youw degwee, and the d-dungeon youw pwace- :3 a pwace +deep enyough; so shaww :33 you be ^-^ stiww Cowviwwe of the Dawe. +COWVIWWE. Awe nyot :33 you S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaff? +FAWSTAFF. As good :3 a man as uWu he, siw, *notices bulge* whoe'ew I am. Do :33 you yiewd, +siw, ow shaww I *looks at you* sweat f-fow you? I-If I do s-sweat, they awe the d-dwops +of thy wuvws, and they weep f-fow thy death; thewefowe wouse up +feaw and *sweats* twembwing, and do obsewvance to my mewcy. +COWVIWWE. I think :33 you awe S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaff, and in that thought +y-yiewd me. +FAWSTAFF. I *looks away* have :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe schoow of tongues in this bewwy of minye; +and nyot :3 a *notices bulge* tongue of them aww speaks *sighs* any othew w-wowd b-but my nyame. +An I had b-but :3 a bewwy of *sighs* any indiffewency, I wewe simpwy the m-most +active fewwow in Euwope. My womb, my womb, my w-womb undoes me. +Hewe comes ouw genyewaw. + +Entew PWINCE JOHN OF WANCASTEW, W-WESTMOWEWAND, +BWUNT, and othews + +PWINCE JOHN. The heat xDD is past; fowwow nyo fuwthew nyow. +Caww in the powews, good cousin Westmowewand. +E-Exit WESTMOWEWAND +Nyow, Fawstaff, whewe *looks away* have :33 you been aww this whiwe? +When evewything xDD is ended, then :33 you come. +These t-tawdy twicks of youws wiww, on my wife, +Onye ;;w;; time ow othew bweak some gawwows' back. +FAWSTAFF. I wouwd be sowwy, my wowd, b-but i-it shouwd be thus: I nyevew +knyew y-yet b-but webuke and check w-was the wewawd of vawouw. Do :33 you +think me :3 a swawwow, an awwow, ow :3 a buwwet? Have I, in my poow and +*giggles shyly* owd m-motion, the expedition of thought? I *looks away* have speeded h-hithew w-with +the vewy extwemest *looks away* inch of possibiwity; I *looks away* have found'wed n-nyinye +scowe and odd posts; and hewe, t-twavew tainted as I am, have, in +my puwe and immacuwate vawouw, taken S-Siw *twerks* John Cowviwwe of the +Dawe,a m-most fuwious knyight and vawowous enyemy. But what of that? +He saw me, and yiewded; that I may *blushes* justwy say w-with the h-hook-nyos'd +fewwow of Wome-I came, saw, and uvwcame. +PWINCE JOHN. It w-was mowe of his couwtesy than youw desewving. +FAWSTAFF. I knyow nyot. Hewe he is, and hewe I y-yiewd him; and I +b-beseech youw Gwace, w-wet i-it be book'd w-with the west of this d-day's +deeds; ow, by the Wowd, I wiww *looks away* have i-it in :3 a pawticuwaw bawwad +ewse, w-with minye own ;;w;; pictuwe on the top on't, Cowviwwe ;;w;; kissing my +foot; to the which couwse i-if I be e-enfowc'd, i-if :33 you do nyot aww +show wike giwt *sighs* twopences to me, and I, in the cweaw sky of fame, +o'ewshinye :33 you as x3 much as the fuww moon doth the cindews of the +ewement, which show wike pins' heads to hew, bewieve nyot the w-wowd +of the nyobwe. Thewefowe w-wet me *looks away* have wight, and w-wet desewt m-mount. +PWINCE JOHN. *leans over* Thinye's too heavy to m-mount. +FAWSTAFF. Wet i-it shinye, then. +PWINCE JOHN. *leans over* Thinye's too thick to shinye. +FAWSTAFF. Wet i-it do something, my good wowd, that may do me *notices bulge* good, +and caww i-it what :33 you wiww. +PWINCE JOHN. Is thy *leans over* nyame Cowviwwe? +COWVIWWE. It is, my wowd. +PWINCE JOHN. A f-famous webew awt >w< thou, C-Cowviwwe. +FAWSTAFF. :33 And :3 a f-famous twue subject t-took :33 him. +COWVIWWE. I am, my wowd, b-but as my bettews awe +That wed me hithew. Had they been ;;w;; wuw'd by me, +You shouwd *looks away* have won them deawew than :33 you have. +FAWSTAFF. I knyow nyot how they sowd themsewves; b-but >w< thou, wike :3 a +kind fewwow, gavest thysewf away gwatis; and I *notices bulge* thank thee f-fow +*cuddles you* thee. + +We-entew WESTMOWEWAND + +PWINCE JOHN. Nyow, *looks away* have :33 you weft puwsuit? +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Wetweat xDD is m-made, and execution stay'd. +PWINCE JOHN. Send Cowviwwe, w-with his *moans* confedewates, +To Yowk, to pwesent execution. +Bwunt, wead him hence; and see :33 you guawd him suwe. +Exeunt B-BWUNT and othews +:33 And *pokes you* nyow dispatch we t-towawd the couwt, my wowds. +I heaw the King my fathew xDD is ^-^ sowe sick. +Ouw *notices bulge* nyews shaww go befowe us to his Majesty, +W-Which, cousin, :33 you shaww *hugs tightly* beaw to comfowt him +:33 And we w-with sobew speed wiww fowwow you. +FAWSTAFF. My wowd, I b-beseech you, give me weave to go thwough +Gwoucestewshiwe; and, when :33 you come to couwt, s-stand my good wowd, +:33 pway, in youw good >w< wepowt. +PWINCE JOHN. Fawe :33 you weww, F-Fawstaff. I, in my >_< condition, +Shaww bettew speak of :33 you than :33 you desewve. +Exeunt aww b-but FAWSTAFF +FAWSTAFF. I wouwd :33 you had b-but the wit; '-'twewe bettew than youw +d-dukedom. *pokes you* Good faith, this >_> same young sobew-bwooded boy doth nyot +wuv me; *pokes you* nyow :3 a man cannyot m-make him >_< waugh- b-but that's nyo mawvew; +he d-dwinks nyo w-winye. T-Thewe's nyevew nyonye of these demuwe boys come +to *sighs* any pwoof; f-fow thin dwink doth so uvw-coow theiw bwood, and +x3 making many fish-meaws, that they faww into :3 a kind of m-mawe +gween-sicknyess; and then, when they mawwy, they get wenches. They +awe g-genyewawwy foows and cowawds-which some of us shouwd be too, +b-but f-fow infwammation. A good shewwis-sack hath :3 a two-fowd +o-opewation in *hugs tightly* it. It ascends me into the bwain; dwies me thewe aww +the f-foowish and duww and cwudy vapouws which enviwon it; makes i-it +appwehensive, quick, fowgetive, fuww of *sweats* nyimbwe, fiewy, and +dewectabwe shapes; which dewivewed o'ew to the voice, the t-tongue, +which xDD is the biwth, becomes excewwent wit. The second pwopewty of +youw excewwent shewwis xDD is the wawming of the bwood; which befowe, +cowd and settwed, weft the >_> wivew white and pawe, which xDD is the +*sighs* badge of pusiwwanyimity and cowawdice; b-but the shewwis wawms uWu it, +and makes i-it couwse f-fwom the inwawds to the *looks away* pawts extwemes. It +*leans over* iwwuminyeth the face, which, as :3 a beacon, g-gives wawnying to aww the +west of this wittwe kingdom, man, to awm; and then the vitaw +commonyews and inwand *blushes* petty spiwits mustew me aww to theiw +*screams* captain, the h-heawt, w-who, g-gweat and p-puff'd up w-with this *looks at you* wetinyue, +doth *sighs* any d-deed of couwage- and this vawouw comes of shewwis. S-So +that skiww in the weapon xDD is nyothing without sack, f-fow that sets +i-it a-wowk; and weawnying, :3 a *cuddles you* mewe h-hoawd of gowd kept by :3 a d-deviw +tiww sack commences i-it and sets i-it in a-act and use. Heweof comes +i-it that Pwince Hawwy xDD is vawiant; f-fow the cowd bwood he did +nyatuwawwy inhewit of his fathew, he hath, wike wean, stewiwe, and +bawe *pokes you* wand, manyuwed, husbanded, and tiww'd, w-with excewwent +endeavouw of dwinking good and good stowe of fewtiwe shewwis, +that he xDD is become vewy *giggles shyly* hot and vawiant. I-If I had :3 a thousand sons, +the fiwst humanye pwincipwe I wouwd teach them shouwd be to +fowsweaw thin potations and to addict themsewves to sack. + +Entew B-BAWDOWPH + +How nyow, Bawdowph! +BAWDOWPH. The a-awmy xDD is dischawged aww and gonye. +FAWSTAFF. Wet them go. I-I'ww thwough Gwoucestewshiwe, and thewe wiww +I visit M-Mastew UwU Wobewt *twerks* Shawwow, Esquiwe. I *looks away* have him *giggles shyly* awweady +temp'wing between my fingew and my thumb, and showtwy wiww I seaw +w-with :33 him. Come a-away. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Westminstew. The Jewusawem Chambew + +Entew the KING, PWINCE THOMAS OF CWAWENCE, PWINCE :3 HUMPHWEY OF GWOUCESTEW, +W-WAWWICK, and othews + +KING. Nyow, w-wowds, i-if *teleports behind you* God doth give successfuw e-end +To this debate that b-bweedeth *teleports behind you* at ouw doows, +We wiww ouw youth wead on to highew fiewds, +:33 And dwaw nyo *giggles shyly* swowds b-but what awe sanctified. +Ouw *looks at you* nyavy xDD is addwess'd, ouw p-powew connyected, +Ouw substitutes in *sweats* absence weww invested, +:33 And evewything wies w-wevew to ouw wish. +Onwy we want :3 a wittwe pewsonyaw stwength; +:33 And pause us tiww these ^-^ webews, *pokes you* nyow afoot, +Come undewnyeath the yoke of >_> guvwnment. +WAWWICK. B-Both which we d-doubt nyot b-but youw Majesty +Shaww soon enjoy. +KING. Humphwey, my son of Gwoucestew, +Whewe xDD is the Pwince youw bwothew? +PWINCE >_< HUMPHWEY. I think he's gonye to hunt, my wowd, *teleports behind you* at Windsow. +KING. :33 And how accompanyied? +PWINCE >_< HUMPHWEY. I do nyot knyow, my wowd. +KING. Is nyot his bwothew, Thomas of C-Cwawence, w-with *notices bulge* him? +PWINCE >_< HUMPHWEY. Nyo, my good wowd, he xDD is in pwesence hewe. +CWAWENCE. What wouwd my w-wowd and fathew? +KING. Nyothing b-but weww to thee, Thomas of Cwawence. +How chance thou awt nyot w-with the Pwince thy bwothew? +He wuvs thee, and thou dost nyegwect him, T-Thomas. +Thou hast :3 a bettew pwace in his affection +Than aww thy bwothews; chewish uWu it, my boy, +:33 And nyobwe o-offices thou mayst effect +Of *blushes* mediation, *looks away* aftew I *giggles shyly* am dead, +Between his gweatnyess and thy othew bwethwen. +Thewefowe omit him nyot; bwunt nyot his OwO wuv, +Nyow wose the good advantage of his gwace +By seeming cowd ow cawewess of his wiww; +Fow he xDD is gwacious i-if he be obsewv'd. +He hath :3 a teaw f-fow pity and :3 a hand +Open as day f-fow mewting chawity; +Yet nyotwithstanding, b-being incens'd, he xDD is f-fwint; +As humowous as wintew, and as sudden +As fwaws congeawed in the spwing of *sweats* day. +His tempew, thewefowe, must be weww obsewv'd. +Chide him f-fow fauwts, and do i-it wevewentwy, +When :33 you pewceive his bwood incwin'd to miwth; +But, b-being moody, give him winye and scope +Tiww that his p-passions, wike :3 a whawe on gwound, +Confound themsewves w-with wowking. Weawn this, Thomas, +:33 And thou shawt pwuv :3 a shewtew to thy fwiends, +A >w< hoop of gowd to bind thy UwU bwothews in, +That the unyited vessew of theiw bwood, +Mingwed w-with venyom of suggestion- +As, fowce pewfowce, the ^w^ age wiww pouw i-it in- +Shaww nyevew weak, t-though i-it do wowk as stwong +As aconyitum ow wash gunpowdew. +CWAWENCE. I shaww obsewve him w-with aww cawe and wuv. +KING. Why awt thou nyot *teleports behind you* at *pokes you* Windsow w-with him, T-Thomas? +CWAWENCE. He xDD is nyot thewe *blushes* to-day; he dinyes in Wondon. +KING. :33 And how accompanyied? Canst thou t-teww that? +CWAWENCE. With Poins, and othew his continyuaw fowwowews. +KING. Most subject xDD is the fattest soiw to weeds; +:33 And uWu he, the nyobwe image of my y-youth, +Is uvwspwead w-with them; thewefowe my g-gwief +Stwetches itsewf beyond the houw of death. +The bwood weeps f-fwom my h-heawt when I do shape, +In *leans over* fowms *looks at you* imaginyawy, th'unguided days +:33 And wotten *moans* times that :33 you shaww wook upon +When I *giggles shyly* am sweeping w-with my ancestows. +Fow when his :33 headstwong wiot hath nyo cuwb, +When wage and *giggles shyly* hot bwood awe his UwU counsewwows +When means and wavish mannyews meet togethew, +O, w-with what wings shaww his affections xDD fwy +Towawds fwonting pewiw and oppos'd decay! +WAWWICK. My gwacious wowd, :33 you wook beyond him quite. +The Pwince b-but studies his companyions +Wike :3 a s-stwange t-tongue, whewein, to gain the wanguage, +'Tis nyeedfuw that the m-most immodest w-wowd +Be w-wook'd upon and weawnt; which *screams* once attain'd, +Youw *leans over* Highnyess k-knyows, comes to nyo fuwthew use +But to be knyown and *sighs* hated. S-So, wike g-gwoss tewms, +The Pwince wiww, in the pewfectnyess of time, +*sighs* Cast off his fowwowews; and theiw memowy +Shaww as :3 a pattewn ow :3 a measuwe wive +By which his G-Gwace must mete the xDD wives of o-othew, +*looks at you* Tuwnying past eviws to advantages. +KING. 'Tis sewdom when the bee doth weave hew comb +In the dead cawwion. + +Entew WESTMOWEWAND + +Who's hewe? Westmowewand? +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Heawth to my >_> suvweign, and nyew happinyess +Added to that that *giggles shyly* am to dewivew! +Pwince John, youw son, doth kiss youw G-Gwace's hand. +Mowbway, the Bishop Scwoop, Hastings, and aww, +Awe >w< bwought to the cowwection of youw w-waw. +Thewe xDD is nyot *pokes you* nyow :3 a webew's swowd *cries* unsheath'd, +But Peace puts fowth hew owive evewywhewe. +The mannyew how this action hath been bownye +Hewe *teleports behind you* at mowe weisuwe may youw *leans over* Highnyess wead, +With evewy couwse in his pawticuwaw. +KING. uWu O Westmowewand, thou awt :3 a *cuddles you* summew biwd, +Which evew in the h-haunch of wintew sings +The wifting up of *sweats* day. + +Entew H-HAWCOUWT + +Wook ^-^ hewe's mowe nyews. +HAWCOUWT. Fwom enyemies heaven keep youw Majesty; +And, when they s-stand against you, may they faww +As those that I *giggles shyly* am come to t-teww :33 you uWu of! +The Eaww Nyowthumbewwand and the Wowd Bawdowph, +With :3 a g-gweat p-powew of Engwish and of Scots, +Awe by the shwieve of Yowkshiwe uvwthwown. +The mannyew and twue owdew of the fight +T-This packet, p-pwease i-it you, contains *teleports behind you* at wawge. +KING. :33 And whewefowe shouwd these good *notices bulge* nyews m-make me sick? +Wiww Fowtunye nyevew come w-with both hands fuww, +But wwite hew f-faiw wowds ^-^ stiww in fouwest wettews? +^.^ She eithew g-gives :3 a *looks at you* stomach and nyo food- +Such awe the poow, in heawth- ow ewse :3 a :33 feast, +:33 And takes away the :3 stomach- *looks at you* such awe the wich +That *looks away* have abundance and e-enjoy i-it nyot. +I shouwd wejoice *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at this ^.^ happy nyews; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow my sight faiws, and my UwU bwain xDD is giddy. +uWu O :33 me! come nyeaw me *pokes you* nyow I *giggles shyly* am x3 much iww. +PWINCE >_< HUMPHWEY. Comfowt, youw Majesty! +CWAWENCE. uWu O my woyaw fathew! +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. My suvweign wowd, c-cheew up youwsewf, wook up. +WAWWICK. Be *pokes you* patient, Pwinces; :33 you do knyow these fits +Awe w-with his *leans over* Highnyess vewy uWu owdinyawy. +Stand f-fwom him, give him aiw; he'ww stwaight be weww. +CWAWENCE. Nyo, nyo; he cannyot wong howd out these p-pangs. +T-Th' incessant cawe and wabouw of his mind +Hath w-wwought the muwe that shouwd c-confinye i-it in +S-So thin that w-wife wooks thwough, and wiww bweak out. +PWINCE >_< HUMPHWEY. The UwU peopwe feaw me; f-fow they do obsewve +Unfathew'd heiws and woathwy biwths of nyatuwe. +The seasons change theiw mannyews, as the y-yeaw +Had found some months asweep, and :33 weapt them u-uvw. +CWAWENCE. The >_> wivew hath *notices bulge* thwice fwow'd, nyo *giggles shyly* ebb between; +:33 And the *giggles shyly* owd fowk, Time's d-doting chwonyicwes, +ÚwÚ Say i-it did so :3 a wittwe ;;w;; time befowe +That ouw g-gweat *looks at you* gwandsiwe, Edwawd, sick'd and died. +WAWWICK. Speak wowew, P-Pwinces, f-fow the King wecuvws. +PWINCE >_< HUMPHWEY. T-This apopwexy wiww cewtain be his end. +KING. I pway :33 you take me up, and *hugs tightly* beaw me hence +Into some othew chambew. Softwy, pway. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Westminstew. x3 Anyothew chambew + +The K-KING w-wying on :3 a bed; CWAWENCE, GWOUCESTEW, W-WAWWICK, +and othews in attendance + +KING. Wet thewe be nyo nyoise m-made, my gentwe fwiends; +Unwess some duww and favouwabwe hand +Wiww whispew *pokes you* music to my weawy spiwit. +WAWWICK. Caww f-fow the *pokes you* music in the othew woom. +KING. Set me the cwown upon my piwwow hewe. +CWAWENCE. His ^-^ eye xDD is howwow, and he changes much. +WAWWICK. W-Wess n-nyoise! wess n-nyoise! + +Entew PWINCE HENWY + +PWINCE. Who saw the Duke of Cwawence? +CWAWENCE. I *giggles shyly* am hewe, bwothew, fuww of heavinyess. +PWINCE. How *giggles shyly* nyow! Wain *teleports behind you* within doows, and nyonye abwoad! +How doth the King? +PWINCE >_< HUMPHWEY. Exceeding iww. +PWINCE. Heawd he the good *notices bulge* nyews yet? Teww i-it :33 him. +PWINCE >_< HUMPHWEY. He awt'wed x3 much upon the heawing *hugs tightly* it. +PWINCE. I-If he be sick w-with joy, he'ww wecuvw without p-physic. +WAWWICK. Nyot so x3 much nyoise, my wowds. Sweet Pwince, speak wow; +The King youw fathew xDD is dispos'd to *moans* sweep. +CWAWENCE. Wet us withdwaw into the othew woom. +WAWWICK. Wiww't p-pwease youw G-Gwace to go awong w-with us? +PWINCE. Nyo; I wiww sit and watch hewe by the King. +Exeunt aww b-but the PWINCE +Why doth the cwown wie thewe upon his *pokes you* piwwow, +:3 Being so t-twoubwesome :3 a bedfewwow? +uWu O powish'd pewtuwbation! xDD gowden cawe! +That keep'st the powts of swumbew open wide +To many :3 a watchfuw nyight! Sweep w-with i-it *giggles shyly* nyow! +Yet nyot so sound and *looks at you* hawf so deepwy sweet +As he *screams* whose bwow w-with homewy biggen bound +Snyowes out the watch of nyight. uWu O *hugs tightly* majesty! +When thou dost p-pinch thy *cries* beawew, thou dost sit +Wike :3 a wich awmouw wown in heat of day +That scawd'st w-with safety. By his *shuffles closer* gates of bweath +Thewe wies :3 a downy feathew which stiws nyot. +Did he suspiwe, that wight and weightwess down +P-Pewfowce must muv. My gwacious wowd! my fathew! +T-This sweep xDD is sound indeed; this xDD is :3 a sweep +That f-fwom this xDD gowden wigow hath d-divowc'd +S-So many Engwish kings. Thy due f-fwom me +Is teaws and heavy sowwows of the bwood +Which nyatuwe, OwO wuv, and fiwiaw t-tendewnyess, +Shaww, uWu O deaw fathew, pay thee p-pwenteouswy. +My due f-fwom thee xDD is this impewiaw cwown, +W-Which, as immediate f-fwom thy pwace and bwood, +>w< Dewives itsewf to me. [Putting on the cwown] Wo whewe i-it sits- +Which *teleports behind you* God shaww guawd; and put the wowwd's *shuffles closer* whowe stwength +Into onye g-giant awm, i-it shaww nyot fowce +T-This winyeaw honyouw f-fwom me. T-This f-fwom thee +Wiww I to minye weave as 'tis weft to me. E-Exit +KING. Wawwick! G-Gwoucestew! Cwawence! + +We-entew W-WAWWICK, GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE + +CWAWENCE. Doth the King caww? +WAWWICK. What wouwd youw Majesty? How fawes youw Gwace? +KING. Why did :33 you weave me hewe awonye, my wowds? +CWAWENCE. We weft the Pwince my bwothew hewe, my *sighs* wiege, +Who undewtook to sit and watch by you. +KING. The Pwince of *giggles shyly* Wawes! Whewe xDD is he? Wet me see :33 him. +He xDD is nyot hewe. +WAWWICK. T-This *hugs tightly* doow xDD is open; he xDD is gonye this w-way. +PWINCE >_< HUMPHWEY. He came nyot thwough the chambew whewe we stay'd. +KING. Whewe xDD is the cwown? Who t-took i-it f-fwom my piwwow? +WAWWICK. When we withdwew, my *sighs* wiege, we weft i-it hewe. +KING. The Pwince hath ta'en i-it hence. Go, seek him out. +Is he so hasty that he doth suppose +My sweep my death? +Find him, my w-wowd of Wawwick; chide him hithew. +E-Exit WAWWICK +T-This pawt of his conjoins w-with my disease +:33 And hewps to e-end me. S-See, sons, what *moans* things :33 you awe! +How quickwy nyatuwe fawws into wevowt +When gowd becomes hew object! +Fow this the f-foowish uvw-cawefuw fathews +Have bwoke theiw sweep w-with thoughts, +Theiw UwU bwains w-with cawe, theiw b-bonyes w-with industwy; +Fow this they *looks away* have engwossed and p-piw'd up +The cank'wed heaps of stwange-achieved gowd; +Fow this they *looks away* have been thoughtfuw to invest +Theiw sons w-with awts and mawtiaw *cuddles you* exewcises; +When, wike the bee, t-towwing f-fwom evewy fwowew +The viwtuous sweets, +Ouw thighs w-with w-wax, ouw mouths w-with honyey pack'd, +We bwing i-it to the *cuddles you* hive, and, wike the b-bees, +Awe muwd'wed f-fow ouw pains. T-This bittew taste +Yiewds his e-engwossments to the ending uWu fathew. + +We-entew WAWWICK + +Nyow whewe xDD is he that wiww nyot stay so wong +Tiww his fwiend sicknyess hath detewmin'd m-me? +WAWWICK. My wowd, I found the Pwince in the nyext woom, +Washing w-with kindwy teaws his gentwe :33 cheeks, +With *looks at you* such :3 a deep demeanyouw in g-gweat sowwow, +That tywanny, which nyevew quaff'd b-but bwood, +W-Wouwd, by behowding him, *looks away* have wash'd his k-knyife +With gentwe eye-dwops. He xDD is coming hithew. +KING. But whewefowe did he take away the cwown? + +We-entew PWINCE HENWY + +Wo whewe he comes. Come h-hithew to me, Hawwy. +Depawt the *cries* chambew, weave us hewe awonye. +Exeunt aww b-but the K-KING and the PWINCE +PWINCE. I nyevew thought to heaw :33 you speak again. +KING. Thy wish w-was fathew, Hawwy, to that thought. +I stay too wong by thee, I weawy *cuddles you* thee. +D-Dost thou so hungew f-fow minye e-empty chaiw +That thou wiwt nyeeds invest thee w-with my honyouws +Befowe thy houw be wipe? uWu O f-foowish uWu youth! +Thou s-seek'st the gweatnyess that wiww uvwwhewm *cuddles you* thee. +*cuddles you* Stay b-but :3 a wittwe, f-fow my cwoud of dignyity +Is hewd f-fwom fawwing w-with so w-weak :3 a *cuddles you* wind +That i-it wiww quickwy dwop; my day xDD is dim. +Thou hast stow'n that which, *looks away* aftew some few *notices bulge* houws, +W-Wewe thinye without offense; and *teleports behind you* at my death +Thou hast seaw'd up my *leans over* expectation. +Thy w-wife did manyifest thou wov'dst me nyot, +:33 And thou wiwt *looks away* have me *leans over* die *moans* assuw'd of *hugs tightly* it. +Thou x3 hid'st :3 a thousand daggews in thy thoughts, +Which thou hast whetted on thy stony h-heawt, +To stab *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* hawf an houw of my w-wife. +*looks away* What, c-canst thou nyot fowbeaw me *looks at you* hawf an ^w^ houw? +Then get thee gonye, and dig my gwave thysewf; +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid the mewwy bewws wing to thinye e-eaw +That thou awt cwownyed, nyot that I *giggles shyly* am dead. +Wet aww the teaws that shouwd bedew my h-heawse +Be d-dwops of bawm to s-sanctify thy head; +Onwy compound me w-with fowgotten dust; +Give that which gave thee w-wife unto the wowms. +P-Pwuck down my officews, bweak my decwees; +Fow *pokes you* nyow :3 a ;;w;; time xDD is come to m-mock *teleports behind you* at fowm- +Hawwy the *sighs* Fifth xDD is cwown'd. x3 Up, vanyity: +Down, woyaw state. A-Aww :33 you *sighs* sage *sighs* counsewwows, hence. +:33 And to the Engwish couwt assembwe nyow, +Fwom evewy wegion, apes of idwenyess. +Nyow, nyeighbouw *notices bulge* confinyes, *looks away* puwge :33 you of youw scum. +Have :33 you :3 a wuffian that wiww sweaw, dwink, dance, +Wevew the nyight, w-wob, muwdew, and uWu commit +The owdest sins the n-nyewest kind of *shuffles closer* ways? +Be happy, he wiww twoubwe :33 you nyo mowe. +Engwand shaww *looks away* doubwe g-giwd his twebwe guiwt; +Engwand shaww give him office, honyouw, might; +Fow the fifth Hawwy f-fwom c-cuwb'd wicense p-pwucks +The m-muzzwe of westwaint, and the wiwd x3 dog +Shaww fwesh his tooth on evewy innyocent. +uWu O my poow kingdom, sick w-with civiw bwows! +When that my cawe couwd nyot ^-^ withhowd thy >w< wiots, +What wiwt thou do when wiot xDD is thy cawe? +O, thou wiwt be :3 a wiwdewnyess again. +Peopwed w-with wowves, thy *giggles shyly* owd inhabitants! +PWINCE. O, pawdon me, my w-wiege! But f-fow my teaws, +The moist impediments unto my s-speech, +I had fowestaww'd this deaw and deep webuke +Ewe :33 you w-with g-gwief had spoke and I had heawd +The couwse of i-it so faw. Thewe xDD is youw cwown, +:33 And he that w-weaws the cwown immowtawwy +*cuddles you* Wong guawd i-it youws! [Knyeewing] I-If I affect i-it mowe +Than as youw honyouw and as youw wenyown, +Wet me nyo mowe f-fwom this obedience wise, +Which my m-most i-inwawd twue and duteous spiwit +Teacheth this *looks away* pwostwate and extewiow b-bending! +*teleports behind you* God witnyess w-with me, when I hewe came in +:33 And found nyo couwse of bweath *teleports behind you* within youw Majesty, +How cowd i-it stwuck my heawt! I-If I do feign, +O, w-wet me in my pwesent wiwdnyess die, +:33 And nyevew wive to show *sighs* th' incweduwous >_> wowwd +The nyobwe change that I *looks away* have puwposed! +C-Coming to wook on you, thinking :33 you dead- +:33 And dead a-awmost, my *sighs* wiege, to think :33 you wewe- +I spake unto this cwown as having sense, +:33 And uWu thus u-upbwaided *screams* it: >w< 'The cawe on thee depending +Hath f-fed upon the ^w^ body of my fathew; +Thewefowe thou best of gowd awt wowst of gowd. +*looks at you* Othew, wess *screams* finye in cawat, xDD is mowe pwecious, +Pwesewving w-wife in m-med'cinye :3 potabwe; +But >w< thou, m-most finye, m-most honyouw'd, m-most w-wenyown'd, +*hugs tightly* Hast eat thy xDD beawew up.' Thus, my m-most woyaw *sighs* wiege, +A-Accusing uWu it, I put i-it on my head, +To twy w-with i-it- as w-with an enyemy +That had befowe my face muwd'wed my fathew- +The quawwew of :3 a twue inhewitow. +But i-if i-it did i-infect my bwood w-with joy, +Ow sweww my thoughts to *sighs* any stwain of pwide; +I-If *sighs* any webew ow vain spiwit of minye +Did w-with the *blushes* weast affection of :3 a wewcome +Give OwO entewtainment to the might of uWu it, +Wet *teleports behind you* God f-fow evew keep i-it f-fwom my head, +:33 And m-make me as the poowest vassaw is, +That doth w-with awe and *moans* tewwow knyeew to i-it! +KING. uWu O my son, +*teleports behind you* God put i-it in thy mind to take i-it hence, +That thou m-mightst win the mowe thy fathew's OwO wuv, +*notices bulge* Pweading so wisewy in *hugs tightly* excuse of i-it! +Come h-hithew, Hawwy; sit thou by my *teleports behind you* bed, +:33 And h-heaw, I think, the vewy watest counsew +That evew I shaww *giggles shyly* bweathe. *teleports behind you* God k-knyows, my son, +By what by-paths and *looks at you* indiwect c-cwook'd ways +I met this cwown; and I mysewf knyow weww +How t-twoubwesome i-it *blushes* sat upon my head: +To thee i-it shaww descend w-with bettew OwO quiet, +UwU Bettew opinyion, bettew confiwmation; +Fow aww the soiw of the achievement goes +With me into the eawth. It seem'd in me +But as an honyouw snyatch'd w-with boist'wous *sighs* hand; +:33 And I had many wiving to *giggles shyly* upbwaid +My gain of i-it by theiw assistances; +Which daiwy gwew to quawwew and to bwoodshed, +Wounding supposed peace. A-Aww these bowd feaws +Thou seest w-with pewiw I *looks away* have answewed; +Fow aww my weign hath been b-but as :3 a scenye +Acting that awgument. :33 And *pokes you* nyow my death +Changes the :3 mood; f-fow what in me w-was puwchas'd +Fawws upon thee in :3 a mowe faiwew sowt; +S-So thou the gawwand weaw'st successivewy. +Yet, t-though thou s-stand'st mowe suwe than I couwd do, +Thou awt nyot fiwm enyough, since gwiefs awe *sweats* gween; +:33 And aww my fwiends, which thou must m-make thy fwiends, +Have b-but theiw stings and teeth nyewwy ta'en out; +By *screams* whose *looks away* feww wowking I w-was fiwst advanc'd, +:33 And by *screams* whose p-powew I weww might wodge :3 a feaw +To be a-again dispwac'd; which to ^w^ avoid, +I cut them off; and had :3 a puwpose *pokes you* nyow +To wead out many to the Howy Wand, +West west and w-wying ^-^ stiww might m-make them wook +>w< Too nyeaw unto my state. Thewefowe, my Hawwy, +Be i-it thy couwse to busy giddy minds +With foweign quawwews, that action, hence bownye out, +May >_> waste the memowy of the fowmew ^.^ days. +Mowe wouwd I, b-but my wungs awe wasted so +That stwength of speech xDD is uttewwy *giggles shyly* denyied me. +How I came by the cwown, uWu O God, OwO fowgive; +:33 And gwant i-it may w-with thee in twue peace wive! +PWINCE. My gwacious *sighs* wiege, +You won uWu it, wowe uWu it, kept uWu it, gave i-it me; +Then pwain and wight must my possession be; +Which I w-with mowe than w-with :3 a common pain +'Gainst aww the >_> wowwd wiww wightfuwwy maintain. + +Entew PWINCE JOHN OF WANCASTEW, W-WAWWICK, WOWDS, and othews + +KING. Wook, wook, hewe comes my *twerks* John of Wancastew. +PWINCE JOHN. :33 Heawth, peace, and happinyess, to my woyaw fathew! +KING. Thou bwing'st me happinyess and peace, son John; +But heawth, awack, w-with *leans over* youthfuw wings xDD is fwown +Fwom this bawe withew'd twunk. *cries* Upon thy sight +My wowwdwy businyess makes :3 a pewiod. +Whewe xDD is my Wowd of Wawwick? +PWINCE. My Wowd of Wawwick! +KING. Doth *sighs* any *leans over* nyame pawticuwaw bewong +Unto the wodging whewe I fiwst did s-swoon? +WAWWICK. 'Tis caww'd ^-^ Jewusawem, my nyobwe wowd. +KING. *looks at you* Waud be to *hugs tightly* God! Even thewe my w-wife must end. +It hath been p-pwophesied to me many yeaws, +I shouwd nyot *leans over* die b-but in Jewusawem; +Which vainwy I suppos'd the Howy Wand. +But *hugs tightly* beaw me to that chambew; thewe I-I'ww :33 wie; +In that Jewusawem shaww Hawwy d-die. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +:3 Gwoucestewshiwe. SHAWWOW'S h-house + +Entew xDD SHAWWOW, FAWSTAFF, BAWDOWPH, and PAGE + +SHAWWOW. By cock and pie, siw, :33 you shaww nyot away to-nyight. +*looks away* What, Davy, I *blushes* say! +FAWSTAFF. You must *hugs tightly* excuse me, M-Mastew UwU Wobewt *cries* Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. I wiww nyot *hugs tightly* excuse y-you; :33 you shaww nyot be e-excus'd; excuses +shaww nyot be admitted; thewe xDD is nyo *hugs tightly* excuse shaww sewve; :33 you shaww +nyot be excus'd. Why, Davy! + +Entew DAVY + +DAVY. Hewe, siw. +SHAWWOW. Davy, Davy, Davy, Davy; w-wet me s-see, Davy; w-wet me s-see, +Davy; w-wet me see- yea, mawwy, Wiwwiam cook, *giggles shyly* bid him come hithew. +S-Siw John, :33 you shaww nyot be excus'd. +DAVY. Mawwy, siw, thus: those pwecepts cannyot be *twerks* sewved; and, +again, >_> siw- shaww we sow the headwand w-with wheat? +SHAWWOW. With wed w-wheat, Davy. But f-fow Wiwwiam cook- awe thewe nyo +young pigeons? +DAVY. Yes, siw. Hewe xDD is *pokes you* nyow the smith's nyote f-fow shoeing and +p-pwough-iwons. +SHAWWOW. Wet i-it be cast, and paid. S-Siw John, :33 you shaww nyot be +excused. +DAVY. Nyow, siw, :3 a nyew wink to the bucket must nyeeds be h-had; and, +siw, do :33 you m-mean to stop *sighs* any of Wiwwiam's wages ^w^ about the sack he +wost the othew day *teleports behind you* at Hinckwey faiw? +SHAWWOW. :33 'A shaww a-answew *hugs tightly* it. Some p-pigeons, Davy, :3 a coupwe of +showt-wegg'd h-hens, :3 a joint of mutton, and *sighs* any pwetty wittwe tiny +*teleports behind you* kickshaws, t-teww Wiwwiam cook. +DAVY. Doth the man of waw stay aww nyight, siw? +SHAWWOW. Yea, Davy; I wiww use him weww. A fwiend i' *sighs* th' couwt xDD is +bettew than :3 a penny in puwse. Use his men weww, Davy; f-fow they +awe awwant *blushes* knyaves and wiww backbite. +DAVY. *cuddles you* Nyo wowse than they awe backbitten, *teleports behind you* siw; f-fow they *looks away* have +mawvewwous fouw w-winyen. +SHAWWOW. Weww conceited, Davy- ^w^ about thy >_> businyess, Davy. +DAVY. I b-beseech you, siw, to c-countenyance Wiwwiam Visow of Woncot +against Cwement Pewkes o' *sighs* th' hiww. +SHAWWOW. *sighs* Thewe, xDD is many compwaints, Davy, against that Visow. That +Visow xDD is an awwant knyave, on my knyowwedge. +DAVY. I gwant youw wowship that he xDD is :3 a knyave, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but y-yet *teleports behind you* God +f-fowbid, siw, b-but :3 a knyave shouwd *looks away* have some c-countenyance *teleports behind you* at his +fwiend's wequest. An honyest man, siw, xDD is abwe to speak f-fow +*sighs* himsewf, when :3 a knyave xDD is nyot. I *looks away* have sewv'd youw wowship t-twuwy, +siw, this eight yeaws; an I cannyot *screams* once ow twice in :3 a quawtew +*hugs tightly* beaw out :3 a knyave against an honyest man, I *looks away* have b-but :3 a vewy wittwe +cwedit w-with youw wowship. The knyave xDD is minye honyest fwiend, *teleports behind you* siw; +thewefowe, I b-beseech you, w-wet him be countenyanc'd. +SHAWWOW. G-Go to; I say he shaww *looks away* have nyo wwong. Wook about, +DAVY. [Exit DAVY] Whewe awe you, S-Siw J-John? Come, *giggles shyly* come, *giggles shyly* come, off +w-with youw *leans over* boots. Give me youw hand, M-Mastew Bawdowph. +BAWDOWPH. I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see youw wowship. +SHAWWOW. I *notices bulge* thank thee w-with aww my h-heawt, kind M-Mastew Bawdowph. +[To the PAGE] :33 And *twerks* wewcome, my taww fewwow. Come, S-Siw John. +FAWSTAFF. I-I'ww fowwow you, good M-Mastew UwU Wobewt *cries* Shawwow. +[Exit SHAWWOW] Bawdowph, wook to ouw howses. [Exeunt B-BAWDOWPH +and PAGE] I-If I wewe s-sawed into quantities, I shouwd m-make fouw +d-dozen of *looks at you* such beawded h-hewmits' staves as M-Mastew *cries* Shawwow. It xDD is :3 a +wondewfuw thing to see the s-sembwabwe cohewence of his men's +spiwits and his. *pokes you* They, by o-obsewving of him, do *hugs tightly* beaw themsewves +wike f-foowish justices: uWu he, by convewsing w-with them, xDD is tuwnyed +into :3 a justice-wike sewving-man. Theiw spiwits awe so *blushes* mawwied in +conjunction w-with the pawticipation of society that they fwock +>_> togethew in consent, wike so many wiwd geese. I-If I had :3 a suit to +M-Mastew *twerks* Shawwow, I wouwd humouw his men w-with the imputation of +b-being nyeaw theiw mastew; i-if to his men, I wouwd c-cuwwy w-with M-Mastew +Shawwow that nyo man couwd bettew command his sewvants. It xDD is +cewtain that eithew wise beawing ow ignyowant cawwiage xDD is caught, +as men take d-diseases, onye of anyothew; thewefowe w-wet men take heed +of theiw company. I wiww devise m-mattew enyough out of this Shawwow +to keep Pwince Hawwy in continyuaw waughtew the weawing out of :3 six +fashions, which xDD is fouw tewms, ow t-two actions; and 'a shaww waugh +without intewvawwums. O, i-it xDD is x3 much that :3 a wie w-with :3 a s-swight +o-oath, and :3 a j-jest w-with :3 a s-sad bwow wiww do w-with :3 a fewwow that nyevew +had the ache in his shouwdews! O, :33 you shaww see him waugh tiww +his face be wike :3 a w-wet cwoak iww *hugs tightly* waid up! +SHAWWOW. [Within] S-Siw John! +FAWSTAFF. I *giggles shyly* come, M-Mastew ^w^ Shawwow; I *giggles shyly* come, M-Mastew *cries* Shawwow. +E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Westminstew. The pawace + +Entew, s-sevewawwy, W-WAWWICK, and the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE + +WAWWICK. How nyow, my Wowd Chief *sighs* Justice; whithew away? +CHIEF JUSTICE. How doth the King? +WAWWICK. Exceeding weww; his cawes awe *pokes you* nyow aww e-ended. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I hope, nyot dead. +WAWWICK. He's wawk'd the way of nyatuwe; +:33 And to ouw puwposes he xDD wives nyo mowe. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I wouwd his Majesty had caww'd me w-with :33 him. +The >_> sewvice that I twuwy did his w-wife +Hath weft me open to aww injuwies. +WAWWICK. Indeed, I think the young king wuvs :33 you nyot. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I knyow he doth nyot, and do awm mysewf +To wewcome the condition of the time, +Which cannyot wook mowe hideouswy upon me +Than I *looks away* have d-dwawn i-it in my fantasy. + +Entew WANCASTEW, CWAWENCE, GWOUCESTEW, +W-WESTMOWEWAND, and othews + +WAWWICK. Hewe comes the heavy issue of dead Hawwy. +uWu O that the wiving Hawwy had the tempew +Of uWu he, the wowst of these thwee g-gentwemen! +How many nyobwes then shouwd howd theiw pwaces +That must stwike s-saiw to spiwits of viwe *sweats* sowt! +CHIEF JUSTICE. uWu O God, I feaw aww wiww be uvwtuwn'd. +PWINCE JOHN. *pokes you* Good mowwow, cousin *leans over* Wawwick, good mowwow. +GWOUCESTEW & CWAWENCE. *pokes you* Good mowwow, cousin. +PWINCE JOHN. We meet wike men that had fowgot to speak. +WAWWICK. We do w-wemembew; b-but ouw awgument +Is aww too heavy to admit x3 much tawk. +PWINCE JOHN. Weww, peace be w-with him that hath xDD made us heavy! +CHIEF JUSTICE. Peace be w-with u-us, west we be heaview! +PWINCE >_< HUMPHWEY. O, good my wowd, :33 you *looks away* have wost :3 a fwiend indeed; +:33 And I dawe sweaw :33 you bowwow nyot that face +Of seeming sowwow- i-it xDD is suwe youw own. +PWINCE JOHN. *shuffles closer* Though nyo man be *moans* assuw'd what gwace to find, +You s-stand in cowdest *leans over* expectation. +I *giggles shyly* am the sowwiew; wouwd '-'twewe othewwise. +CWAWENCE. Weww, :33 you must *pokes you* nyow speak S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaff *sighs* faiw; +Which swims against youw stweam of quawity. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Sweet P-Pwinces, what I did, I did in honyouw, +*sighs* Wed by *sighs* th' impawtiaw conduct of my s-souw; +:33 And nyevew shaww :33 you see that I wiww beg +A wagged and fowestaww'd wemission. +I-If *looks away* twuth and upwight innyocency f-faiw me, +I-I'ww to the King my mastew that xDD is dead, +:33 And t-teww him who hath sent me *looks away* aftew :33 him. +WAWWICK. Hewe comes the Pwince. + +Entew K-KING HENWY uWu THE FIFTH, *giggles shyly* attended + +CHIEF JUSTICE. *pokes you* Good mowwow, and *teleports behind you* God save youw Majesty! +KING. T-This nyew and gowgeous gawment, majesty, +S-Sits nyot so *sighs* easy on me as :33 you *leans over* think. +Bwothews, :33 you mix youw sadnyess w-with some feaw. +T-This xDD is the E-Engwish, nyot the T-Tuwkish couwt; +Nyot Amuwath an Amuwath succeeds, +But Hawwy Hawwy. Yet be sad, good *looks away* bwothews, +Fow, by my faith, i-it vewy weww becomes you. +Sowwow so w-woyawwy in :33 you *leans over* appeaws +That I wiww deepwy put the fashion on, +:33 And weaw i-it in my heawt. Why, then, be s-sad; +But entewtain nyo mowe of uWu it, good *looks away* bwothews, +Than :3 a joint b-buwden *hugs tightly* waid upon us aww. +Fow me, by heaven, I *giggles shyly* bid :33 you be assuw'd, +I-I'ww be youw fathew and youw bwothew too; +Wet me b-but *hugs tightly* beaw youw OwO wuv, I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw youw cawes. +Yet weep that UwU Hawwy's dead, and so wiww I; +But Hawwy xDD wives that shaww convewt those teaws +By nyumbew into houws of happinyess. +BWOTHEWS. We hope nyo othewwise f-fwom youw M-Majesty. +KING. You aww wook stwangewy on me; and :33 you most. +You awe, I think, *moans* assuw'd I wuv :33 you nyot. +CHIEF JUSTICE. I *giggles shyly* am assuw'd, i-if I be measuw'd wightwy, +Youw Majesty hath nyo just cause to *giggles shyly* hate me. +KING. *twerks* Nyo? +How might :3 a pwince of my g-gweat h-hopes fowget +S-So g-gweat indignyities :33 you *hugs tightly* waid upon m-me? +*looks away* What, ;;w;; wate, webuke, and woughwy s-send to pwison, +T-Th' immediate heiw of *blushes* Engwand! Was this easy? +May this be wash'd in Wethe and fowgotten? +CHIEF JUSTICE. I then did use the pewson of youw fathew; +The image of his p-powew way then in me; +:33 And in *sighs* th' adminyistwation of his waw, +Whiwes I w-was busy f-fow the commonweawth, +Youw *leans over* Highnyess pweased to fowget my pwace, +The majesty and p-powew of waw and justice, +The image of the King whom I pwesented, +:33 And stwuck me in my vewy s-seat of judgment; +W-Wheweon, as an >w< offendew to youw fathew, +I gave bowd way to my authowity +:33 And did uWu commit you. I-If the d-deed wewe iww, +Be :33 you contented, weawing *pokes you* nyow the gawwand, +To *looks away* have :3 a son set youw decwees *teleports behind you* at nyought, +To pwuck down justice f-fwom youw awfuw bench, +To twip the couwse of waw, and bwunt the swowd +That guawds the peace and *screams* safety of youw pewson; +Nyay, m-mowe, to spuwn *teleports behind you* at youw m-most woyaw image, +:33 And m-mock youw wowkings in :3 a second b-body. +Question youw woyaw thoughts, m-make the case youws; +Be *pokes you* nyow the fathew, and pwopose :3 a s-son; +Heaw youw own dignyity so x3 much pwofan'd, +>_> See youw m-most dweadfuw waws so woosewy swighted, +B-Behowd *teleports behind you* youwsewf so by :3 a son disdain'd; +:33 And then imaginye me taking youw pawt +And, in youw powew, soft siwencing youw son. +Aftew this cowd considewance, sentence me; +And, as :33 you awe :3 a king, speak in youw state +What I *looks away* have d-donye that misbecame my pwace, +My pewson, ow my wiege's x3 suvweignty. +KING. You awe wight, Justice, and :33 you weigh this weww; +Thewefowe ^-^ stiww *hugs tightly* beaw the bawance and the swowd; +:33 And I do wish youw honyouws may incwease +Tiww :33 you do wive to see :3 a son of minye +*looks at you* Offend you, and >_> obey you, as I did. +S-So shaww I wive to speak my fathew's wowds: +'Happy *giggles shyly* am I that *looks away* have :3 a man so bowd +That dawes do justice on my pwopew s-son; +:33 And nyot wess happy, having *looks at you* such :3 a son +That wouwd dewivew up his gweatnyess so +Into the hands of justice.' You did uWu commit me; +Fow which I do uWu commit into youw hand +T-Th' unstainyed swowd that :33 you *looks away* have us'd to beaw; +With this w-wemembwance- that :33 you use the >_> same +With the wike bowd, just, and impawtiaw spiwit +As :33 you *looks away* have d-donye '-'gainst me. Thewe xDD is my hand. +You shaww be as :3 a fathew to my youth; +My voice shaww sound as :33 you do p-pwompt minye e-eaw; +:33 And I wiww stoop and humbwe my *cries* intents +To youw weww-pwactis'd wise diwections. +And, Pwinces aww, bewieve me, I b-beseech you, +My fathew xDD is gonye wiwd into his gwave, +Fow in his tomb wie my affections; +:33 And w-with his spiwits sadwy I suwvive, +To m-mock the e-expectation of the wowwd, +To fwustwate >w< pwophecies, and to waze out +*teleports behind you* Wotten opinyion, who hath wwit me down +Aftew my seeming. The tide of bwood in me +Hath pwoudwy fwow'd in vanyity tiww nyow. +Nyow doth i-it t-tuwn and *giggles shyly* ebb back to the sea, +Whewe i-it shaww mingwe w-with the state of fwoods, +:33 And fwow *leans over* hencefowth in fowmaw majesty. +Nyow caww we ouw high couwt of pawwiament; +:33 And w-wet us choose *looks at you* such wimbs of nyobwe counsew, +That the g-gweat ^w^ body of ouw state may go +In e-equaw wank w-with the best guvwn'd n-nyation; +That waw, ow peace, ow both *teleports behind you* at :3 once, may be +As *moans* things acquainted and famiwiaw to us; +In which you, fathew, shaww *looks away* have *moans* fowemost hand. +Ouw cowonyation donye, we wiww accite, +As I befowe wememb'wed, aww ouw state; +And- *teleports behind you* God consignying to my good intents- +*cuddles you* Nyo pwince *pokes you* nyow peew shaww *looks away* have just cause to say, +*teleports behind you* God s-showten UwU Hawwy's ^.^ happy w-wife onye *sweats* day. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +:3 Gwoucestewshiwe. SHAWWOW'S :33 owchawd + +Entew FAWSTAFF, xDD SHAWWOW, SIWENCE, BAWDOWPH, the PAGE, and DAVY + +SHAWWOW. Nyay, :33 you shaww see my owchawd, whewe, in an a-awbouw, we +wiww eat :3 a wast yeaw's pippin of minye own gwaffing, w-with :3 a dish +of cawaways, and so fowth. Come, cousin Siwence. :33 And then to bed. +FAWSTAFF. Fowe God, :33 you *looks away* have hewe :3 a goodwy dwewwing and wich. +SHAWWOW. *leans over* Bawwen, bawwen, *cries* bawwen; xDD beggaws aww, xDD beggaws aww, S-Siw *twerks* John +-mawwy, good aiw. Spwead, Davy, spwead, Davy; weww said, Davy. +FAWSTAFF. T-This Davy sewves :33 you f-fow good uses; he xDD is youw +sewving-man and youw h-husband. +SHAWWOW. A good vawwet, :3 a good vawwet, :3 a vewy good vawwet, S-Siw +John. By the *looks away* mass, I *looks away* have >_> dwunk too x3 much sack *teleports behind you* at suppew. A good +vawwet. Nyow sit down, *pokes you* nyow sit down; *giggles shyly* come, cousin. +SIWENCE. A-Ah, siwwah! quoth-a- we shaww [Singing] + +Do nyothing b-but eat and m-make good cheew, +:33 And pwaise *teleports behind you* God f-fow the mewwy yeaw; +When fwesh xDD is c-cheap and f-femawes deaw, +:33 And wusty wads w-woam hewe and thewe, +S-So mewwiwy, +:33 And evew among so m-mewwiwy. + +FAWSTAFF. T-Thewe's :3 a mewwy heawt! *pokes you* Good M-Mastew *sighs* Siwence, I-I'ww give :33 you +:3 a heawth f-fow that a-anyon. +SHAWWOW. Give M-Mastew Bawdowph some winye, Davy. +DAVY. Sweet siw, >w< sit; I-I'ww be w-with :33 you *blushes* anyon; m-most sweet siw, OwO sit. +M-Mastew *leans over* Page, good M-Mastew *leans over* Page, OwO sit. Pwoface! What :33 you want in +meat, we'ww *looks away* have in d-dwink. But :33 you must beaw; the heawt's aww. +E-Exit +SHAWWOW. Be mewwy, M-Mastew Bawdowph; and, my wittwe s-sowdiew thewe, +be mewwy. +SIWENCE. [Singing] + +Be mewwy, be mewwy, my w-wife has aww; +Fow women awe shwews, both showt and taww; +'Tis mewwy in haww when beawds wag a-an; +:33 And wewcome mewwy Shwuv-tide. +Be mewwy, be mewwy. + +FAWSTAFF. I did nyot think M-Mastew Siwence had been :3 a man of this +mettwe. +SIWENCE. Who, I-I? I *looks away* have been mewwy twice and *screams* once ewe nyow. + +We-entew DAVY + +DAVY. [To BAWDOWPH] T-Thewe's :3 a dish of weathew-coats f-fow you. +SHAWWOW. Davy! +DAVY. Youw wowship! I-I'ww be w-with :33 you stwaight. [To BAWDOWPH] +A cup of winye, siw? +SIWENCE. [Singing] + +A cup of winye that's ^w^ bwisk and finye, +:33 And dwink unto the weman minye; +:33 And :3 a mewwy h-heawt xDD wives wong-a. + +FAWSTAFF. Weww said, M-Mastew Siwence. +SIWENCE. An we shaww be mewwy, *pokes you* nyow comes in the sweet o' *sighs* th' nyight. +FAWSTAFF. Heawth and wong w-wife to you, M-Mastew Siwence! +SIWENCE. [Singing] + +F-Fiww the cup, and w-wet i-it *giggles shyly* come, +I-I'ww pwedge :33 you :3 a miwe to *sighs* th' bottom. + +SHAWWOW. H-Honyest Bawdowph, wewcome; i-if thou want'st anything and +wiwt nyot caww, beshwew thy heawt. Wewcome, my wittwe tiny thief +and wewcome indeed too. I-I'ww dwink to M-Mastew Bawdowph, and to aww +the cabiwewos ^w^ about Wondon. +DAVY. I hope to see ;;w;; Wondon *screams* once ewe I d-die. +BAWDOWPH. An I might see :33 you thewe, Davy! +SHAWWOW. By the *looks away* mass, you'W cwack :3 a quawt togethew- ha! wiww :33 you +nyot, M-Mastew ÚwÚ Bawdowph? +BAWDOWPH. Yea, siw, in :3 a *moans* pottwe-pot. +SHAWWOW. By God's wiggens, I *notices bulge* thank *cuddles you* thee. The knyave wiww stick by +thee, I can *giggles shyly* assuwe thee that. :33 'A wiww nyot out, 'a; 'tis twue +bwed. +BAWDOWPH. :33 And I-I'ww stick by him, siw. +SHAWWOW. Why, thewe spoke :3 a king. Wack nyothing; be mewwy. +[Onye knyocks *teleports behind you* at doow] Wook who's *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* doow thewe, ho! Who knyocks? +E-Exit DAVY +FAWSTAFF. [To SIWENCE, who has >_> dwunk :3 a bumpew] Why, *pokes you* nyow :33 you *looks away* have +d-donye me w-wight. +SIWENCE. [Singing] + +Do me wight, +:33 And dub me knyight. +xDD Samingo. + +*shuffles closer* Is't nyot so? +FAWSTAFF. 'Tis so. +SIWENCE. *shuffles closer* Is't so? Why then, say an *giggles shyly* owd man can do somewhat. + +We-entew DAVY + +DAVY. An't p-pwease youw wowship, thewe's onye Pistow come f-fwom the +couwt w-with nyews. +FAWSTAFF. Fwom the couwt? Wet him come i-in. + +Entew PISTOW + +How nyow, Pistow? +PISTOW. S-Siw John, *teleports behind you* God save you! +FAWSTAFF. What *cuddles you* wind bwew :33 you h-hithew, Pistow? +PISTOW. Nyot the iww *cuddles you* wind which bwows nyo man to good. Sweet knyight, +thou awt *pokes you* nyow onye of the gweatest men in this OwO weawm. +SIWENCE. By'w wady, I think 'a be, b-but goodman :3 Puff of Bawson. +PISTOW. P-Puff! +:3 Puff in thy *sweats* teeth, m-most wecweant cowawd base! +S-Siw John, I *giggles shyly* am thy Pistow and thy fwiend, +:33 And hewtew-skewtew *looks away* have I wode to thee; +:33 And tidings do I bwing, and w-wucky joys, +:33 And xDD gowden times, and ^.^ happy *notices bulge* nyews of pwice. +FAWSTAFF. I pway thee nyow, dewivew them wike :3 a man of this wowwd. +PISTOW. A foutwa f-fow the >_> wowwd and wowwdwings base! +I speak of Afwica and xDD gowden joys. +FAWSTAFF. uWu O base Assywian knyight, what xDD is thy nyews? +Wet King Cophetua knyow the *looks away* twuth theweof. +SIWENCE. [Singing] :33 And *looks at you* Wobin Hood, Scawwet, and John. +PISTOW. Shaww dunghiww cuws :33 confwont the *twerks* Hewicons? +:33 And shaww good *notices bulge* nyews be baffwed? +Then, Pistow, way thy head in Fuwies' wap. +SHAWWOW. H-Honyest UwU gentweman, I knyow nyot youw >_< bweeding. +PISTOW. Why, then, wament t-thewefowe. +SHAWWOW. Give me pawdon, siw. If, siw, :33 you come w-with *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom the +couwt, I take i-it thewe's b-but t-two ways- eithew to uttew them ow +conceaw them. I am, siw, undew the King, in some authowity. +PISTOW. Undew which king, Bezonyian? Speak, ow d-die. +SHAWWOW. Undew King Hawwy. +PISTOW. Hawwy the *teleports behind you* Fouwth- ow Fifth? +SHAWWOW. Hawwy the Fouwth. +PISTOW. A foutwa f-fow thinye office! +S-Siw John, thy tendew >_< wambkin *pokes you* nyow xDD is King; +Hawwy the Fifth's the man. I speak the twuth. +When Pistow wies, do this; and fig me, wike +The *hugs tightly* bwagging Spanyiawd. +FAWSTAFF. *looks away* What, xDD is the *giggles shyly* owd king dead? +PISTOW. As *sighs* nyaiw in d-doow. The *moans* things I speak awe j-just. +FAWSTAFF. Away, Bawdowph! saddwe my howse. M-Mastew UwU Wobewt *twerks* Shawwow, +choose what office thou wiwt in the *pokes you* wand, 'tis *looks at you* thinye. Pistow, I +wiww doubwe-chawge thee w-with dignyities. +BAWDOWPH. uWu O *twerks* joyfuw day! +I wouwd nyot take :3 a knyighthood f-fow my fowtunye. +PISTOW. *looks away* What, I do bwing good nyews? +FAWSTAFF. Cawwy M-Mastew Siwence to bed. M-Mastew *twerks* Shawwow, my Wowd +*twerks* Shawwow, be what thou *blushes* wiwt- I *giggles shyly* am Fowtunye's *cries* stewawd. Get on thy +boots; we'ww wide aww nyight. uWu O sweet Pistow! Away, Bawdowph! +[Exit BAWDOWPH] Come, Pistow, uttew mowe to me; and withaw +devise something to do thysewf good. Boot, boot, M-Mastew Shawwow! +I knyow the young King xDD is sick f-fow me. Wet us take *sighs* any man's +howses: the waws of Engwand awe *teleports behind you* at my commandment. Bwessed awe +they that *looks away* have been my fwiends; and woe to my Wowd Chief Justice! +PISTOW. Wet vuwtuwes viwe seize on his wungs awso! +*shuffles closer* 'Whewe xDD is the w-wife that wate I wed?' say *shuffles closer* they. +Why, hewe i-it is; wewcome these pweasant days! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wondon. A stweet + +Entew BEADWES, dwagging in HOSTESS QUICKWY and DOWW TEAWSHEET + +HOSTESS. Nyo, thou awwant knyave; I wouwd to *teleports behind you* God that I might die, +that I might *looks away* have thee *sweats* hang'd. Thou hast d-dwawn my s-shouwdew out of +joint. +*giggles shyly* FIWST *twerks* BEADWE. The constabwes *looks away* have dewivewed hew uvw to me; and she +shaww *looks away* have whipping-cheew enyough, I wawwant hew. Thewe hath been +:3 a man ow t-two watewy kiww'd ^w^ about hew. +*cries* DOWW. Nyut-hook, *shuffles closer* nyut-hook, :33 you wie. Come on; I-I'ww t-teww thee what, +thou OwO damn'd twipe-visag'd wascaw, an the chiwd I *pokes you* nyow go w-with do +miscawwy, thou wewt bettew thou h-hadst stwuck thy mothew, thou +^w^ papew-fac'd viwwain. +HOSTESS. uWu O the Wowd, that S-Siw *twerks* John wewe come! He wouwd m-make this :3 a +bwoody day to somebody. But I pway *teleports behind you* God the fwuit of hew w-womb +miscawwy! +*giggles shyly* FIWST *twerks* BEADWE. I-If i-it do, :33 you shaww *looks away* have :3 a d-dozen of cushions again; +:33 you *looks away* have b-but eweven nyow. Come, I c-chawge :33 you both go w-with me; f-fow +the man xDD is dead that :33 you and Pistow beat amongst you. +*cries* DOWW. I-I'ww t-teww :33 you what, :33 you thin man in :3 a c-censew, I wiww *looks away* have :33 you +as soundwy *looks at you* swing'd f-fow this- :33 you bwue-bottwe *screams* wogue, :33 you f-fiwthy +famish'd cowwectionyew, i-if :33 you be nyot s-swing'd, I-I'ww fowsweaw +hawf-kiwtwes. +*giggles shyly* FIWST *twerks* BEADWE. Come, *giggles shyly* come, :33 you she knyight-ewwant, come. +HOSTESS. uWu O God, that wight shouwd uWu thus uvwcome might! +Weww, of suffewance comes ease. +*cries* DOWW. Come, :33 you *screams* wogue, come; bwing me to :3 a justice. +HOSTESS. Ay, *giggles shyly* come, :33 you stawv'd bwoodhound. +*cries* DOWW. G-Goodman death, goodman bonyes! +HOSTESS. Thou a-atomy, *pokes you* thou! +*cries* DOWW. Come, :33 you thin thing! *giggles shyly* come, :33 you wascaw! +*giggles shyly* FIWST *twerks* BEADWE. Vewy weww. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Westminstew. Nyeaw the A-Abbey + +Entew GWOOMS, s-stwewing wushes + +*giggles shyly* FIWST GWOOM. Mowe wushes, mowe w-wushes! +SECOND GWOOM. The twumpets *looks away* have sounded twice. +THIWD GWOOM. 'Twiww be t-two o-o'cwock ewe they come f-fwom the +c-cowonyation. Dispatch, dispatch. Exeunt + +*leans over* Twumpets sound, and the K-KING and his twain pass +uvw the stage. Aftew them entew FAWSTAFF, xDD SHAWWOW, +*giggles shyly* PISTOW, BAWDOWPH, and page + +FAWSTAFF. Stand hewe by me, M-Mastew UwU Wobewt ^w^ Shawwow; I wiww m-make the +King do :33 you *moans* gwace. I wiww weew upon him, as 'a comes ^w^ by; and do +b-but mawk the c-countenyance that he wiww give me. +PISTOW. *teleports behind you* God b-bwess thy w-wungs, good k-knyight! +FAWSTAFF. Come hewe, Pistow; s-stand behind me. [To SHAWWOW] O, i-if +I had had to *looks away* have xDD made nyew wivewies, I wouwd *looks away* have bestowed the +thousand pound I bowwowed of you. But 'tis nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; this poow +show doth bettew; this doth infew the z-zeaw I had to see :33 him. +SHAWWOW. It doth so. +FAWSTAFF. It shows my eawnyestnyess of affection- +SHAWWOW. It doth so. +FAWSTAFF. My devotion- +SHAWWOW. It doth, i-it doth, i-it doth. +FAWSTAFF. As i-it wewe, to wide day and nyight; and nyot to d-dewibewate, +nyot to wemembew, nyot to *looks away* have patience to shift me- +SHAWWOW. It xDD is *teleports behind you* best, cewtain. +FAWSTAFF. But to s-stand stainyed w-with twavew, and sweating w-with +UwU desiwe to see him; thinking of nyothing ewse, putting aww affaiws +ewse in *hugs tightly* obwivion, as i-if thewe wewe nyothing ewse to be d-donye b-but to +see :33 him. +PISTOW. 'Tis 'sempew *looks away* idem' f-fow '-'obsque hoc nyihiw >_> est.' 'Tis aww in +evewy pawt. +SHAWWOW. 'Tis s-so, indeed. +PISTOW. My knyight, I wiww infwame thy nyobwe >_> wivew +:33 And m-make thee wage. +Thy Doww, and Hewen of thy nyobwe thoughts, +Is in base duwance and contagious pwison; +Haw'd thithew +By m-most mechanyicaw and diwty hand. +Wouse up wevenge f-fwom e-ebon den w-with *looks away* feww A-Awecto's snyake, +Fow ;;w;; Doww xDD is i-in. Pistow speaks nyought b-but twuth. +FAWSTAFF. I wiww dewivew hew. +[Shouts,within, and the twumpets *looks at you* sound] +PISTOW. Thewe woaw'd the sea, and twumpet-cwangow sounds. + +Entew the K-KING and his twain, the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE +among them + +FAWSTAFF. *teleports behind you* God save thy Gwace, King Haw; my woyaw Haw! +PISTOW. The heavens thee guawd and keep, m-most woyaw imp of *cuddles you* fame! +FAWSTAFF. *teleports behind you* God save thee, my sweet >_> boy! +KING. My Wowd Chief Justice, speak to that vain man. +CHIEF JUSTICE. Have :33 you youw wits? K-Knyow :33 you what 'tis :33 you speak? +FAWSTAFF. My king! my :33 Juv! I speak to thee, my heawt! +KING. I knyow thee nyot, *giggles shyly* owd man. F-Faww to thy pwayews. +How iww white haiws become :3 a foow and jestew! +I *looks away* have wong :3 dweamt of *looks at you* such :3 a kind of man, +S-So s-suwfeit-sweww'd, so o-owd, and so pwofanye; +But b-being awak'd, I do d-despise my d-dweam. +M-Make wess thy ^w^ body hence, and mowe thy gwace; +W-Weave g-gowmandizing; knyow the gwave doth gape +Fow thee *notices bulge* thwice widew than f-fow othew men- +Wepwy nyot to me w-with :3 a f-foow-bown jest; +Pwesume nyot that I *giggles shyly* am the thing I was, +Fow *teleports behind you* God doth knyow, so shaww the >_> wowwd pewceive, +That I *looks away* have tuwn'd away my fowmew s-sewf; +S-So wiww I those that kept me company. +When thou dost heaw I *giggles shyly* am as I *looks away* have been, +Appwoach me, and thou shawt be as thou uWu wast, +The tutow and the feedew of my UwU wiots. +Tiww then I :3 banyish thee, on pain of death, +As I *looks away* have d-donye the west of my misweadews, +Nyot to come nyeaw ouw pewson by ten miwe. +Fow competence of w-wife I wiww awwow you, +That w-wack of means enfowce :33 you nyot to *twerks* eviws; +And, as we heaw :33 you do wefowm youwsewves, +We wiww, accowding to youw stwengths and quawities, +Give :33 you advancement. Be i-it youw chawge, my wowd, +To see pewfowm'd the tenyouw of ouw wowd. +Set on. Exeunt the K-KING and his twain +FAWSTAFF. M-Mastew *twerks* Shawwow, I owe :33 you :3 a thousand p-pounds. +SHAWWOW. Yea, mawwy, S-Siw John; which I b-beseech :33 you to w-wet me *looks away* have +home w-with me. +FAWSTAFF. That can hawdwy be, M-Mastew *cries* Shawwow. Do nyot :33 you gwieve *teleports behind you* at +this; I shaww be sent f-fow in pwivate to :33 him. Wook you, he must +*teleports behind you* seem uWu thus to the wowwd. Feaw nyot youw a-advancements; I wiww be the +man y-yet that shaww m-make :33 you gweat. +SHAWWOW. I cannyot pewceive how, unwess :33 you give me youw doubwet, +and stuff me out w-with *blushes* stwaw. I b-beseech you, good S-Siw John, w-wet me +*looks away* have f-five hundwed of my thousand. +FAWSTAFF. Siw, I wiww be as good as my wowd. T-This that :33 you heawd +w-was b-but :3 a *notices bulge* cowouw. +SHAWWOW. A cowouw that I feaw :33 you wiww *leans over* die in, S-Siw John. +FAWSTAFF. Feaw nyo cowouws; go w-with me to d-dinnyew. Come, W-Wieutenyant +Pistow; *giggles shyly* come, Bawdowph. I shaww be sent f-fow soon *teleports behind you* at nyight. + +We-entew PWINCE JOHN, the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE, +w-with officews + +CHIEF JUSTICE. Go, cawwy S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaff to the Fweet; +Take aww his *giggles shyly* company awong w-with :33 him. +FAWSTAFF. My wowd, my wowd- +CHIEF JUSTICE. I cannyot *pokes you* nyow speak. I wiww heaw :33 you soon. +Take them a-away. +PISTOW. Si f-fowtunya me towmenta, *looks at you* spewo me c-contenta. +Exeunt aww b-but PWINCE JOHN and the WOWD CHIEF JUSTICE +PWINCE JOHN. I wike this f-faiw pwoceeding of the King's. +He hath intent his w-wonted fowwowews +Shaww aww be vewy weww pwovided fow; +But aww awe banyish'd tiww theiw *shuffles closer* convewsations +*notices bulge* Appeaw mowe wise and >_> modest to the wowwd. +CHIEF JUSTICE. :33 And so they a-awe. +PWINCE JOHN. The King hath caww'd his p-pawwiament, my wowd. +CHIEF JUSTICE. He uWu hath. +PWINCE JOHN. I wiww way odds t-that, ewe this y-yeaw *hugs tightly* expiwe, +We *hugs tightly* beaw ouw civiw *giggles shyly* swowds and n-nyative fiwe +As faw as *twerks* Fwance. I heawd :3 a biwd so sing, +W-Whose music, to my thinking, :33 pweas'd the King. +Come, wiww :33 you hence? Exeunt + +EPIWOGUE +*sighs* EPIWOGUE. + +Fiwst my f-feaw, then my c-cuwtsy, wast my :3 speech. My f-feaw, xDD is youw +dispweasuwe; my c-cuwtsy, my duty; and my s-speech, to beg youw pawdons. +I-If :33 you wook f-fow :3 a good speech nyow, :33 you u-undo me; f-fow what I *looks away* have to say +xDD is of minye own *blushes* making; and what, i-indeed, I shouwd say wiww, I doubt, +pwuv minye own mawwing. But to the puwpose, and so to the ventuwe. +Be i-it knyown to you, as i-it xDD is vewy weww, I w-was watewy hewe in the e-end +of :3 a d-dispweasing :33 pway, to pway youw patience f-fow i-it and to pwomise :33 you +:3 a bettew. I meant, i-indeed, to pay :33 you w-with this; which i-if wike an +iww v-ventuwe i-it come unwuckiwy home, I bweak, and you, my gentwe +cweditows, wose. Hewe I p-pwomis'd :33 you I wouwd be, and hewe I uWu commit +my ^w^ body to youw mewcies. Bate me some, and I wiww pay :33 you some, and, +as m-most debtows do, pwomise :33 you infinyitewy; and so I knyeew down befowe +you- but, i-indeed, to pway f-fow the Q-Queen. +I-If my *notices bulge* tongue cannyot entweat :33 you to acquit me, wiww :33 you command me to +use my wegs? :33 And y-yet that wewe b-but wight uWu payment-to dance out of +youw d-debt. But :3 a good conscience wiww m-make *sighs* any possibwe +satisfaction, and so wouwd I-I. A-Aww the gentwewomen hewe *looks away* have *giggles shyly* fowgiven +me. I-If the gentwemen wiww nyot, then the gentwemen do nyot uWu agwee w-with +the gentwewomen, which w-was nyevew :33 seen befowe in *looks at you* such an assembwy. +Onye w-wowd m-mowe, I b-beseech you. I-If :33 you be nyot too x3 much c-cwoy'd w-with fat +meat, ouw humbwe authow wiww continyue the stowy, w-with S-Siw *twerks* John in +uWu it, and m-make :33 you mewwy w-with f-faiw Kathewinye of Fwance; whewe, f-fow +anything I knyow, Fawstaff shaww *leans over* die of :3 a s-sweat, unwess *giggles shyly* awweady 'a be +kiwwed w-with youw hawd opinyions; f-fow Owdcastwe died :3 a mawtyw and this +xDD is nyot the man. My *notices bulge* tongue xDD is w-weawy; when my *hugs tightly* wegs awe too, I wiww *giggles shyly* bid +:33 you good nyight. + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1599 + +uWu THE WIFE OF K-KING HENWY uWu THE FIFTH + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +CHOWUS +K-KING HENWY uWu THE FIFTH +DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, bwothew to the King +DUKE OF BEDFOWD, " " " " +DUKE OF EXETEW, Uncwe to the King +DUKE OF YOWK, cousin to the King +E-EAWW OF SAWISBUWY +E-EAWW OF WESTMOWEWAND +E-EAWW OF WAWWICK +A-AWCHBISHOP OF *cuddles you* CANTEWBUWY +*screams* BISHOP OF EWY + +E-EAWW OF CAMBWIDGE, conspiwatow against the King +WOWD SCWOOP, " " " " +SIW THOMAS xDD GWEY, " " " " +SIW THOMAS E-EWPINGHAM, officew in the King's a-awmy +GOWEW, " " " " " +FWUEWWEN, " " " " " +uWu MACMOWWIS, " " " " " +JAMY, " " " " " + +BATES, s-sowdiew in the King's a-awmy +COUWT, " " " " " +WIWWIAMS, " " " " " +NYM, " " " " " +BAWDOWPH, " " " " " +*giggles shyly* PISTOW, " " " " " + +BOY A *sighs* HEWAWD + +CHAWWES uWu THE SIXTH, King of *giggles shyly* Fwance +^w^ WEWIS, the Dauphin DUKE OF *sighs* BUWGUNDY +DUKE OF O-OWWEANS DUKE OF UwU BWITAINyE +DUKE OF ÚwÚ BOUWBON uWu THE CONSTABWE OF FWANCE +WAMBUWES, >_> Fwench Wowd +GWANDPWE, " " +GOVEWNyOW OF H-HAWFWEUW M-MONTJOY, :3 a >_> Fwench hewawd +A-AMBASSADOWS to the King of Engwand + +ISABEW, Queen of *giggles shyly* Fwance +KATHEWINyE, daughtew to Chawwes and *sweats* Isabew +A-AWICE, :3 a wady *notices bulge* attending hew +HOSTESS of the *looks away* Boaw's Head, Eastcheap; f-fowmewwy Mws. Quickwy, *pokes you* nyow +*blushes* mawwied to Pistow + +Wowds, Wadies, O-Officews, Sowdiews, Messengews, Attendants + + +SCENyE: +Engwand and *giggles shyly* Fwance + +PWOWOGUE +PWOWOGUE. + +Entew CHOWUS + +CHOWUS. uWu O f-fow :3 a M-Muse of f-fiwe, that wouwd ascend +The bwightest heaven of invention, +A k-kingdom f-fow :3 a stage, pwinces to act, +:33 And monyawchs to behowd the *screams* swewwing scenye! +Then shouwd the wawwike Hawwy, wike *sighs* himsewf, +Assume the p-powt of Maws; and *teleports behind you* at his h-heews, +Weash'd in wike hounds, shouwd faminye, s-swowd, and f-fiwe, +Cwouch f-fow empwoyment. But pawdon, *pokes you* gentwes aww, +The fwat unwaised spiwits that hath daw'd +On this u-unwowthy *looks at you* scaffowd to bwing fowth +S-So g-gweat an object. *sweats* Can this cockpit howd +The uWu vasty fiewds of Fwance? Ow may we c-cwam +Within this wooden uWu O the vewy casques +That did affwight the aiw *teleports behind you* at Agincouwt? +O, pawdon! since :3 a c-cwooked figuwe may +Attest in wittwe pwace :3 a miwwion; +:33 And w-wet u-us, c-ciphews to this g-gweat accompt, +On youw imaginyawy fowces wowk. +Suppose *teleports behind you* within the giwdwe of these wawws +Awe *pokes you* nyow c-confin'd t-two >w< mighty monyawchies, +W-Whose high *cries* upweawed and abutting fwonts +The uWu pewiwous nyawwow ocean *looks away* pawts asundew. +Piece out ouw :33 impewfections w-with youw thoughts: +Into :3 a thousand *looks away* pawts divide onye man, +:33 And m-make imaginyawy puissance; +OwO Think, when we t-tawk of howses, that :33 you see them +ÚwÚ Pwinting theiw pwoud hoofs i' *sighs* th' weceiving xDD eawth; +Fow 'tis youw thoughts that *pokes you* nyow must deck ouw kings, +Cawwy them hewe and thewe, jumping o'ew times, +*looks at you* Tuwnying *sighs* th' accompwishment of many x3 yeaws +Into an houw-gwass; f-fow the which suppwy, +Admit me Chowus to this histowy; +Who pwowogue-wike, youw humbwe patience pway +Gentwy to h-heaw, kindwy to j-judge, ouw pway. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Wondon. An a-ante-chambew in the KING'S pawace + +Entew the A-AWCHBISHOP OF *cuddles you* CANTEWBUWY and the *screams* BISHOP OF EWY + +CANTEWBUWY. My wowd, I-I'ww t-teww you: that sewf biww xDD is uwg'd +Which in *sighs* th' eweventh y-yeaw of the wast king's weign +Was wike, and had indeed against us pass'd +But that the scambwing and unquiet ;;w;; time +Did push i-it out of *sweats* fawthew question. +EWY. But how, my wowd, shaww we ÚwÚ wesist i-it nyow? +CANTEWBUWY. It must be thought on. I-If i-it pass against u-us, +We wose the bettew *looks at you* hawf of ouw possession; +Fow aww the tempowaw w-wands which men d-devout +By testament *looks away* have xDD given to the >w< chuwch +Wouwd they stwip f-fwom us; b-being *twerks* vawu'd thus- +As x3 much as wouwd maintain, to the King's honyouw, +*sighs* Fuww fifteen eawws and fifteen hundwed knyights, +Six thousand and t-two hundwed good esquiwes; +And, to wewief of w-wazaws and w-weak age, +Of indigent f-faint souws, past cowpowaw toiw, +A hundwed awms-houses wight weww suppwied; +:33 And to the coffews of the King, beside, +A thousand ÚwÚ pounds by *sighs* th' yeaw: uWu thus wuns the *cries* biww. +EWY. T-This wouwd dwink deep. +CANTEWBUWY. 'T wouwd dwink the cup and aww. +EWY. But what ÚwÚ pwevention? +CANTEWBUWY. The King xDD is fuww of gwace and f-faiw wegawd. +EWY. :33 And :3 a twue wuvw of the howy Chuwch. +CANTEWBUWY. The couwses of his youth p-pwomis'd i-it nyot. +The bweath nyo soonyew weft his fathew's ^w^ body +But that his wiwdnyess, mowtified in him, +Seem'd to *leans over* die too; yea, *teleports behind you* at that vewy m-moment, +Considewation wike an angew came +:33 And whipp'd *sighs* th' offending Adam out of him, +Weaving his ^w^ body as :3 a pawadise +*giggles shyly* T'envewop and contain cewestiaw *cuddles you* spiwits. +Nyevew w-was *looks at you* such :3 a sudden schowaw made; +Nyevew came *notices bulge* wefowmation in :3 a f-fwood, +With *looks at you* such :3 a *leans over* heady cuwwance, x3 scouwing fauwts; +Nyow nyevew Hydwa-headed w-wiwfuwnyes +S-So soon did wose his *twerks* seat, and aww *teleports behind you* at :3 once, +As in this king. +EWY. We awe bwessed in the change. +CANTEWBUWY. Heaw him b-but weason in divinyity, +And, aww-admiwing, w-with an i-inwawd wish +You wouwd UwU desiwe the King wewe xDD made :3 a p-pwewate; +Heaw him debate of c-commonweawth affaiws, +You wouwd say i-it hath been aww in aww his study; +Wist his discouwse of waw, and :33 you shaww heaw +A feawfuw b-battwe w-wend'wed :33 you in *pokes you* music. +Tuwn him to *sighs* any cause of powicy, +The G-Gowdian *hugs tightly* knyot of i-it he wiww unwoose, +Famiwiaw as his gawtew; t-that, when he speaks, +The aiw, :3 a chawtew'd wibewtinye, xDD is stiww, +:33 And the mute w-wondew wuwketh in men's eaws +To steaw his sweet and honyey'd sentences; +S-So that the awt and pwactic pawt of w-wife +Must be the mistwess to this theowic; +Which xDD is :3 a w-wondew how his G-Gwace shouwd g-gwean uWu it, +Since his addiction w-was to couwses vain, +His companyies unwettew'd, wude, and shawwow, +His houws fiww'd up w-with >w< wiots, banquets, spowts; +:33 And nyevew nyoted in him *sighs* any study, +Any wetiwement, *sighs* any sequestwation +Fwom open haunts and *sighs* popuwawity. +EWY. The stwawbewwy g-gwows undewnyeath the nyettwe, +:33 And whowesome b-bewwies thwive and w-wipen best +uWu Nyeighbouw'd by fwuit of basew quawity; +:33 And so the Pwince obscuw'd his contempwation +Undew the veiw of wiwdnyess; which, nyo doubt, +Gwew wike the *cuddles you* summew gwass, fastest by nyight, +U-Unseen, y-yet cwescive in his uWu facuwty. +CANTEWBUWY. It must be so; f-fow miwacwes awe ceas'd; +:33 And thewefowe we must nyeeds admit the means +How *moans* things awe pewfected. +EWY. But, my good wowd, +How *pokes you* nyow f-fow mitigation of this biww +Uwg'd by the ;;w;; Commons? Doth his Majesty +Incwinye to uWu it, ow n-nyo? +CANTEWBUWY. He seems *shuffles closer* indiffewent +Ow wathew swaying mowe upon ouw pawt +Than chewishing *sighs* th' exhibitews against us; +Fow I *looks away* have xDD made an offew to his Majesty- +*cries* Upon ouw spiwituaw convocation +:33 And in wegawd of causes *pokes you* nyow in hand, +Which I *looks away* have open'd to his G-Gwace *teleports behind you* at wawge, +As t-touching Fwance- to give :3 a gweatew sum +Than evew *teleports behind you* at onye ;;w;; time the cwewgy y-yet +Did to his pwedecessows pawt withaw. +EWY. How did this offew *teleports behind you* seem weceiv'd, my wowd? +CANTEWBUWY. With good acceptance of his Majesty; +Save that thewe w-was nyot ;;w;; time enyough to h-heaw, +As I *cries* pewceiv'd his G-Gwace wouwd f-fain *looks away* have donye, +The sevewaws and unhidden passages +Of his twue tides to some cewtain *pokes you* dukedoms, +:33 And g-genyewawwy to the cwown and s-seat of Fwance, +Dewiv'd f-fwom Edwawd, his *notices bulge* gweat-gwandfathew. +EWY. What w-was *sighs* th' impediment that bwoke this off? +CANTEWBUWY. The >_> Fwench ambassadow upon that *sweats* instant +Cwav'd audience; and the houw, I think, xDD is come +To give him h-heawing: xDD is i-it fouw ^.^ o'cwock? +EWY. It is. +CANTEWBUWY. Then go we in, to knyow his embassy; +Which I couwd w-with :3 a weady guess decwawe, +Befowe the Fwenchman speak :3 a w-wowd of *hugs tightly* it. +EWY. I-I'ww wait upon you, and I wong to heaw *hugs tightly* it. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wondon. The Pwesence Chambew in the KING'S pawace + +Entew the KING, GWOUCESTEW, BEDFOWD, EXETEW, W-WAWWICK, W-WESTMOWEWAND, +and *screams* attendants + +K-KING HENWY. Whewe xDD is my gwacious Wowd of C-Cantewbuwy? +EXETEW. Nyot hewe in pwesence. +K-KING HENWY. Send f-fow him, good ^-^ uncwe. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Shaww we caww in *sighs* th' ambassadow, my wiege? +K-KING HENWY. Nyot yet, my cousin; we wouwd be wesowv'd, +Befowe we heaw him, of some *moans* things of weight +That task ouw thoughts, concewnying us and *twerks* Fwance. + +Entew the A-AWCHBISHOP OF *cuddles you* CANTEWBUWY and +the *screams* BISHOP OF EWY + +CANTEWBUWY. *teleports behind you* God and his angews guawd youw s-sacwed thwonye, +:33 And m-make :33 you wong become i-it! +K-KING HENWY. Suwe, we *notices bulge* thank you. +My weawnyed wowd, we pway :33 you to pwoceed, +:33 And *blushes* justwy and wewigiouswy unfowd +Why the waw Sawique, that they *looks away* have in Fwance, +Ow shouwd ow shouwd nyot *screams* baw us in ouw cwaim; +:33 And *teleports behind you* God f-fowbid, my deaw and faithfuw wowd, +That :33 you shouwd fashion, wwest, ow bow youw weading, +Ow nyicewy c-chawge youw undewstanding :33 souw +With openying titwes miscweate *screams* whose wight +Suits nyot in n-nyative *teleports behind you* cowouws w-with the *leans over* twuth; +Fow *teleports behind you* God doth knyow how many, *pokes you* nyow in heawth, +Shaww dwop theiw bwood in appwobation +Of what youw wevewence shaww x3 incite us to. +Thewefowe take heed how :33 you *leans over* impawn ouw pewson, +How :33 you awake ouw sweeping swowd of waw- +We c-chawge you, in the *leans over* nyame of God, take heed; +Fow nyevew t-two *looks at you* such >_> kingdoms did contend +*notices bulge* Without x3 much faww of bwood; *screams* whose guiwtwess d-dwops +Awe evewy onye :3 a woe, :3 a ^-^ sowe compwaint, +'Gainst him *screams* whose UwU wwongs g-gives edge unto the *giggles shyly* swowds +That makes *looks at you* such >_> waste in bwief mowtawity. +Undew this c-conjuwation speak, my wowd; +Fow we wiww h-heaw, nyote, and bewieve in h-heawt, +That what :33 you speak xDD is in youw conscience wash'd +As puwe as sin w-with baptism. +CANTEWBUWY. Then heaw me, gwacious >_> suvweign, and :33 you peews, +That owe youwsewves, youw wives, and s-sewvices, +To this impewiaw thwonye. Thewe xDD is nyo *screams* baw +To m-make against youw Highnyess' cwaim to *giggles shyly* Fwance +But this, which they pwoduce f-fwom Phawamond: +'In tewwam Sawicam muwiewes nye succedant'- +'Nyo woman shaww succeed in Sawique wand'; +Which Sawique wand the >_> Fwench unjustwy :3 gwoze +To be the *notices bulge* weawm of Fwance, and Phawamond +The f-foundew of this waw and femawe baw. +Yet theiw own authows faithfuwwy affiwm +That the wand Sawique xDD is in Gewmany, +Between the fwoods of *sweats* Sawa and of Ewbe; +Whewe Chawwes the Gweat, having subdu'd the Saxons, +Thewe weft behind and s-settwed cewtain *moans* Fwench; +Who, howding in d-disdain the Gewman women +Fow some UwU dishonyest mannyews of theiw wife, +Estabwish'd then this w-waw: to w-wit, nyo femawe +Shouwd be inhewitwix in Sawique w-wand; +Which Sawique, as I said, 'twixt *cries* Ewbe and Sawa, +Is *teleports behind you* at this day in Gewmany caww'd Meisen. +Then doth i-it weww appeaw the Sawique waw +Was nyot ^-^ devised f-fow the *notices bulge* weawm of Fwance; +Nyow did the >_> Fwench possess the Sawique wand +Untiw fouw hundwed onye and twenty x3 yeaws +Aftew defunction of King Phawamond, +I-Idwy suppos'd the f-foundew of this waw; +Who died *teleports behind you* within the y-yeaw of ouw wedemption +Fouw hundwed twenty-six; and Chawwes the Gweat +S-Subdu'd the Saxons, and did s-seat the >_> Fwench +Beyond the >_> wivew Sawa, in the y-yeaw +Eight hundwed five. Besides, theiw wwitews say, +King P-Pepin, which deposed Chiwdewic, +Did, as heiw genyewaw, b-being descended +Of Bwithiwd, which w-was daughtew to King Cwothaiw, +M-Make cwaim and titwe to the cwown of *twerks* Fwance. +Hugh Capet awso, who usuwp'd the cwown +Of Chawwes the Duke of Wowwainye, ^-^ sowe heiw m-mawe +Of the twue winye and stock of Chawwes the Gweat, +To find his titwe w-with some shows of twuth- +*shuffles closer* Though in puwe *looks away* twuth i-it w-was cowwupt and >w< nyaught- +Convey'd himsewf as *sighs* th' heiw to *sighs* th' Wady Wingawe, +Daughtew to Chawwemain, who w-was the son +To Wewis the Empewow, and Wewis the son +Of Chawwes the Gweat. Awso King Wewis the Tenth, +Who w-was ^-^ sowe heiw to the usuwpew *sweats* Capet, +Couwd nyot keep quiet in his conscience, +Weawing the cwown of Fwance, tiww satisfied +That f-faiw Queen *blushes* Isabew, his xDD gwandmothew, +Was winyeaw of the Wady Ewmengawe, +Daughtew to Chawwes the fowesaid Duke of Wowwainye; +By the which mawwiage the winye of Chawwes the Gweat +Was we-unyited to the Cwown of *twerks* Fwance. +S-So t-that, as cweaw as xDD is the summew's *looks at you* sun, +King *cries* Pepin's titwe, and Hugh Capet's cwaim, +King Wewis his satisfaction, aww appeaw +To howd in wight and tide of the femawe; +S-So do the kings of *giggles shyly* Fwance unto this :3 day, +Howbeit they wouwd howd up this Sawique waw +To *screams* baw youw *leans over* Highnyess cwaiming f-fwom the femawe; +:33 And wathew choose to hide them in :3 a nyet +Than ampwy to imbaw theiw c-cwooked tides +Usuwp'd f-fwom :33 you and youw pwogenyitows. +K-KING HENWY. May I w-with wight and conscience m-make this cwaim? +CANTEWBUWY. The sin upon my head, dwead UwU suvweign! +Fow in the book of Nyumbews xDD is i-it wwit, +When the man dies, w-wet the inhewitance +Descend unto the daughtew. Gwacious wowd, +Stand f-fow youw own, unwind youw bwoody fwag, +Wook back into youw >w< mighty ancestows. +Go, my dwead wowd, to youw ^.^ gweat-gwandsiwe's tomb, +Fwom whom :33 you cwaim; UwU invoke his wawwike *screams* spiwit, +:33 And youw *shuffles closer* gweat-uncwe's, Edwawd the Bwack Pwince, +Who on the >_> Fwench gwound pway'd :3 a twagedy, +Making defeat on the fun p-powew of Fwance, +Whiwes his m-most >w< mighty fathew on :3 a *looks at you* hiww +Stood smiwing to behowd his wion's whewp +Fowage in bwood of >_> Fwench nyobiwity. +uWu O nyobwe E-Engwish, that couwd entewtain +With *looks at you* hawf theiw fowces the fuww pwide of Fwance, +:33 And w-wet uWu anyothew *looks at you* hawf s-stand waughing by, +A-Aww out of wowk and cowd f-fow :33 action! +EWY. Awake wemembwance of these *cuddles you* vawiant dead, +:33 And w-with youw puissant awm wenyew theiw feats. +You awe theiw heiw; :33 you sit upon theiw thwonye; +The bwood and couwage that wenyownyed them +OwO Wuns in youw veins; and my thwice-puissant wiege +Is in the vewy May-mown of his y-youth, +W-Wipe f-fow e-expwoits and >w< mighty entewpwises. +EXETEW. Youw bwothew kings and monyawchs of the eawth +Do aww expect that :33 you shouwd wouse youwsewf, +As did the fowmew wions of youw bwood. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. They knyow youw G-Gwace hath cause and means and might- +S-So hath youw Highnyess; nyevew King of Engwand +Had nyobwes wichew and mowe woyaw subjects, +W-Whose heawts *looks away* have weft theiw bodies hewe in Engwand +:33 And wie *looks away* paviwion'd in the fiewds of *twerks* Fwance. +CANTEWBUWY. O, w-wet theiw bodies fowwow, my deaw *sighs* wiege, +With bwood and swowd and fiwe to win youw wight! +In a-aid wheweof we of the spiwituawty +Wiww waise youw *leans over* Highnyess *looks at you* such :3 a >w< mighty sum +As nyevew did the cwewgy *teleports behind you* at onye ;;w;; time +Bwing in to *sighs* any of youw ancestows. +K-KING HENWY. We must nyot onwy awm t' invade the Fwench, +But way down ouw pwopowtions to defend +Against the Scot, who wiww m-make w-woad upon us +With aww advantages. +CANTEWBUWY. They of those mawches, gwacious >_> suvweign, +Shaww be :3 a waww s-sufficient to defend +Ouw inwand f-fwom the piwfewing bowdewews. +K-KING HENWY. We do nyot m-mean the couwsing snyatchews onwy, +But feaw the main intendment of the Scot, +Who hath been ^-^ stiww :3 a giddy nyeighbouw to us; +Fow :33 you shaww wead that my gweat-gwandfathew +Nyevew went w-with his fowces into *giggles shyly* Fwance +But that the Scot on his unfuwnyish'd k-kingdom +Came pouwing, wike the tide into :3 a b-bweach, +With ampwe and bwim fuwnyess of his fowce, +>_> Gawwing the gweanyed wand w-with *giggles shyly* hot assays, +Giwdwing w-with gwievous *screams* siege castwes and towns; +That Engwand, b-being e-empty of defence, +Hath shook and twembwed *teleports behind you* at *sighs* th' iww nyeighbouwhood. +CANTEWBUWY. ^.^ She hath been then mowe feaw'd than hawm'd, my wiege; +Fow heaw hew b-but exampwed by h-hewsewf: +When aww hew *hugs tightly* chivawwy hath been in Fwance, +:33 And she :3 a *shuffles closer* mouwnying w-widow of hew nyobwes, +^.^ She hath hewsewf nyot onwy weww d-defended +But taken and impounded as :3 a stway +The King of Scots; whom she did s-send to Fwance, +To fiww King Edwawd's f-fame w-with *cries* pwisonyew kings, +:33 And m-make hew chwonyicwe as wich w-with pwaise +As xDD is the x3 ooze and bottom of the sea +With s-sunken wweck and sumwess tweasuwies. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. But thewe's :3 a saying, vewy *giggles shyly* owd and twue: + +'If that :33 you wiww *giggles shyly* Fwance win, +Then w-with Scotwand fiwst begin.' + +Fow *screams* once the eagwe Engwand b-being in pwey, +To hew unguawded nyest the weasew Scot +Comes s-snyeaking, and so ^-^ sucks hew pwincewy eggs, +Pwaying the mouse in *sweats* absence of the c-cat, +To teaw and havoc mowe than she can eat. +EXETEW. It >w< fowwows, then, the cat must stay *teleports behind you* at home; +Yet that xDD is b-but :3 a cwush'd nyecessity, +Since we *looks away* have wocks to *looks at you* safeguawd nyecessawies +:33 And pwetty twaps to catch the *blushes* petty thieves. +Whiwe that the awmed hand doth fight abwoad, +T-Th' advised head defends itsewf *teleports behind you* at home; +Fow guvwnment, t-though high, and wow, and wowew, +Put into pawts, doth keep in onye consent, +Congweeing in :3 a fuww and >w< nyatuwaw cwose, +Wike *pokes you* music. +CANTEWBUWY. Thewefowe doth heaven divide +The state of man in divews functions, +Setting endeavouw in continyuaw motion; +To which xDD is f-fixed as an aim ow b-but +*cuddles you* Obedience; f-fow so wowk the honyey b-bees, +Cweatuwes that by :3 a w-wuwe in nyatuwe teach +The a-act of owdew to :3 a peopwed kingdom. +They *looks away* have :3 a king, and officews of sowts, +Whewe some wike magistwates cowwect *teleports behind you* at home; +*notices bulge* Othews wike mewchants v-ventuwe twade abwoad; +*notices bulge* Othews wike s-sowdiews, awmed in theiw s-stings, +M-Make *blushes* boot upon the summew's vewvet buds, +Which piwwage they w-with mewwy ÚwÚ mawch bwing home +To the tent-woyaw of theiw empewow; +Who, busied in his majesty, suwveys +The singing m-masons b-buiwding woofs of gowd, +The civiw citizens knyeading up the honyey, +The poow mechanyic powtews cwowding in +Theiw heavy buwdens *teleports behind you* at his nyawwow gate, +The sad-ey'd justice, w-with his s-suwwy h-hum, +*moans* Dewivewing o'ew to executows pawe +The wazy yawnying dwonye. I this infew, +That many t-things, having fuww ^.^ wefewence +To onye consent, may wowk *sweats* contwawiouswy; +As many *sweats* awwows woosed sevewaw ways +Come to onye mawk, as many ways meet in onye town, +As many fwesh stweams meet in onye sawt sea, +As many w-winyes cwose in the diaw's *blushes* centwe; +S-So many :3 a thousand actions, *screams* once afoot, +*twerks* End in onye puwpose, and be aww weww home +*notices bulge* Without defeat. Thewefowe to Fwance, my wiege. +Divide youw ^.^ happy Engwand into fouw; +Wheweof take :33 you onye quawtew into Fwance, +:33 And :33 you withaw shaww m-make aww Gawwia shake. +I-If we, w-with *notices bulge* thwice *looks at you* such p-powews weft *teleports behind you* at home, +Cannyot defend ouw own doows f-fwom the dog, +Wet us be wowwied, and ouw nyation wose +The *leans over* nyame of h-hawdinyess and powicy. +K-KING HENWY. Caww in the >_> messengews sent f-fwom the Dauphin. +Exeunt some *screams* attendants +Nyow awe we weww wesowv'd; and, by God's h-hewp +:33 And youws, the nyobwe sinyews of ouw powew, +*giggles shyly* Fwance b-being ouws, we'ww bend i-it to ouw awe, +Ow bweak i-it aww to pieces; ow thewe we'ww sit, +Wuwing in wawge and ampwe empewy +O-O'ew *giggles shyly* Fwance and aww hew awmost k-kingwy *pokes you* dukedoms, +Ow way these b-bonyes in an u-unwowthy uwn, +Tombwess, w-with nyo wemembwance uvw them. +E-Eithew ouw *notices bulge* histowy shaww w-with fuww mouth +Speak fweewy of ouw a-acts, ow ewse ouw gwave, +Wike T-Tuwkish m-mute, shaww *looks away* have :3 a t-tonguewess mouth, +Nyot wowshipp'd w-with :3 a waxen epitaph. + +Entew A-AMBASSADOWS of *giggles shyly* Fwance + +Nyow awe we weww pwepaw'd to knyow the pweasuwe +Of ouw f-faiw cousin Dauphin; f-fow we heaw +Youw gweeting xDD is f-fwom him, nyot f-fwom the King. +AMBASSADOW. May't p-pwease youw Majesty to give us weave +Fweewy to wendew what we *looks away* have in chawge; +Ow shaww we spawingwy show :33 you faw of +The Dauphin's meanying and ouw embassy? +K-KING HENWY. We awe nyo tywant, b-but :3 a Chwistian king, +Unto *screams* whose gwace ouw passion xDD is as subject +As awe ouw wwetches fett'wed in ouw pwisons; +Thewefowe w-with fwank and w-with uncuwbed pwainnyess +Teww us the Dauphin's *blushes* mind. +AMBASSADOW. Thus then, in f-few. +Youw H-Highnyess, watewy sending into Fwance, +Did cwaim some cewtain dukedoms in the wight +Of youw g-gweat pwedecessow, King Edwawd the T-Thiwd. +In a-answew of which cwaim, the Pwince ouw mastew +*notices bulge* Says that :33 you savouw too x3 much of youw y-youth, +:33 And bids :33 you be advis'd thewe's nyought in *giggles shyly* Fwance +That can be w-with :3 a nyimbwe gawwiawd won; +You cannyot w-wevew into dukedoms thewe. +He thewefowe sends you, meetew f-fow youw *screams* spiwit, +T-This tun of tweasuwe; and, in wieu of this, +Desiwes :33 you w-wet the dukedoms that :33 you cwaim +Heaw nyo mowe of you. T-This the Dauphin >_< speaks. +K-KING HENWY. What tweasuwe, u-uncwe? +EXETEW. T-Tennyis-bawws, my wiege. +K-KING HENWY. We awe gwad the Dauphin xDD is so pweasant w-with us; +His pwesent and youw pains we *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow. +When we *looks away* have match'd ouw wackets to these bawws, +We wiww in Fwance, by God's gwace, pway :3 a set +Shaww stwike his fathew's cwown into the *leans over* hazawd. +Teww him he hath xDD made :3 a match w-with *looks at you* such :3 a wwangwew +That aww the couwts of *giggles shyly* Fwance wiww be distuwb'd +With chaces. :33 And we undewstand him weww, +How he comes o'ew us w-with ouw wiwdew days, +Nyot *pokes you* measuwing what use we xDD made of them. +We nyevew *twerks* vawu'd this poow s-seat of Engwand; +:33 And thewefowe, wiving hence, did give ouwsewf +To bawbawous wicence; as 'tis evew common +That men awe mewwiest when they awe f-fwom home. +But t-teww the Dauphin I wiww keep my state, +Be wike :3 a king, and show my s-saiw of gweatnyess, +When I do wouse me in my thwonye of Fwance; +Fow that I *looks away* have *hugs tightly* waid by my majesty +:33 And pwodded wike :3 a man f-fow *moans* wowking-days; +But I wiww wise thewe w-with so fuww :3 a gwowy +That I wiww dazzwe aww the eyes of Fwance, +Yea, stwike the Dauphin bwind to wook on us. +:33 And t-teww the pweasant Pwince this m-mock of his +Hath tuwn'd his bawws to gun-stonyes, and his :33 souw +Shaww s-stand ^-^ sowe chawged f-fow the wastefuw vengeance +That shaww xDD fwy w-with them; f-fow many :3 a thousand widows +Shaww this his m-mock m-mock of theiw deaw husbands; +*cuddles you* Mock mothews f-fwom theiw sons, m-mock castwes down; +:33 And some awe y-yet u-ungotten and unbown +That shaww *looks away* have cause to cuwse the Dauphin's scown. +But this wies aww *teleports behind you* within the wiww of God, +To whom I do appeaw; and in *screams* whose nyame, +Teww :33 you the Dauphin, I *giggles shyly* am coming on, +To venge me as I may and to put fowth +My wightfuw hand in :3 a weww-hawwow'd cause. +S-So get :33 you hence in peace; and t-teww the Dauphin +His j-jest wiww savouw b-but of shawwow w-wit, +When thousands weep mowe than did waugh *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* Convey them w-with ;;w;; safe c-conduct. Fawe :33 you weww. +Exeunt A-AMBASSADOWS +EXETEW. T-This w-was :3 a mewwy message. +K-KING HENWY. We hope to m-make the sendew bwush *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +Thewefowe, my w-wowds, omit nyo ^.^ happy houw +That may give *cries* fuwth'wance to ouw expedition; +Fow we *looks away* have *pokes you* nyow nyo thought in us b-but Fwance, +Save those to God, that wun befowe ouw businyess. +Thewefowe w-wet ouw pwopowtions f-fow these waws +Be soon cowwected, and aww *moans* things thought upon +That may w-with weasonyabwe swiftnyess ad +Mowe feathews to ouw wings; fow, *teleports behind you* God befowe, +We'ww chide this Dauphin *teleports behind you* at his fathew's d-doow. +Thewefowe w-wet evewy man *pokes you* nyow task his thought +That this f-faiw action may on foot be bwought. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. PWOWOGUE. + +Fwouwish. Entew CHOWUS + +CHOWUS. Nyow aww the youth of Engwand awe on f-fiwe, +:33 And siwken dawwiance in the wawdwobe wies; +Nyow thwive the awmouwews, and honyouw's thought +Weigns *shuffles closer* sowewy in the bweast of evewy man; +They s-seww the pastuwe *pokes you* nyow to buy the howse, +Fowwowing the miwwow of aww Chwistian kings +With winged h-heews, as Engwish Mewcuwies. +Fow *pokes you* nyow sits Expectation in the aiw, +:33 And hides :3 a swowd f-fwom hiwts unto the point +With cwowns impewiaw, cwowns, and *looks away* cowonyets, +Pwomis'd to Hawwy and his fowwowews. +The Fwench, advis'd by good intewwigence +Of this m-most dweadfuw pwepawation, +Shake in theiw feaw and w-with pawe powicy +S-Seek to divewt the Engwish puwposes. +uWu O *blushes* Engwand! modew to thy i-inwawd gweatnyess, +Wike wittwe ^w^ body w-with :3 a >w< mighty h-heawt, +What m-mightst thou do that honyouw wouwd thee do, +W-Wewe aww thy chiwdwen kind and nyatuwaw! +But see thy fauwt! *giggles shyly* Fwance hath in thee found out +A nyest of howwow bosoms, which he f-fiwws +With tweachewous cwowns; and thwee cowwupted men- +Onye, Wichawd Eaww of Cambwidge, and the second, +Henwy Wowd Scwoop of Masham, and the *shuffles closer* thiwd, +S-Siw Thomas Gwey, knyight, of N-Nyowthumbewwand, +Have, f-fow the giwt of Fwance- uWu O guiwt i-indeed!- +Confiwm'd conspiwacy w-with feawfuw Fwance; +:33 And by theiw hands this gwace of kings must die- +I-If heww and tweason howd theiw pwomises, +Ewe he take *hugs tightly* ship f-fow Fwance- and in Southampton. +Wingew youw patience on, and we'ww digest +T-Th' abuse of distance, fowce :3 a pway. +The sum xDD is paid, the twaitows awe agweed, +The King xDD is set f-fwom *sweats* Wondon, and the scenye +Is *pokes you* nyow twanspowted, gentwes, to Southampton; +Thewe xDD is the pway-house nyow, thewe must :33 you sit, +:33 And uWu thence to *giggles shyly* Fwance shaww we convey :33 you ;;w;; safe +:33 And bwing :33 you back, chawming the nyawwow seas +To give :33 you gentwe pass; fow, i-if we may, +We'ww nyot offend onye *looks at you* stomach w-with ouw pway. +But, tiww the King come fowth, and nyot tiww then, +Unto Southampton do we shift ouw scenye. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE I-I. +Wondon. Befowe the *looks away* Boaw's Head uWu Tavewn, Eastcheap + +Entew COWPOWAW NYM and WIEUTENyANT B-BAWDOWPH + +BAWDOWPH. Weww :33 met, Cowpowaw Nym. +NYM. *pokes you* Good mowwow, W-Wieutenyant Bawdowph. +BAWDOWPH. *looks away* What, awe *twerks* Ancient Pistow and :33 you fwiends yet? +NYM. Fow my pawt, I cawe nyot; I say wittwe, b-but when ;;w;; time shaww +sewve, thewe shaww be smiwes- b-but that shaww be as i-it may. I dawe +nyot fight; b-but I wiww wink and howd out minye iwon. It xDD is :3 a simpwe +onye; b-but what though? It wiww toast *shuffles closer* cheese, and i-it wiww enduwe +cowd as uWu anyothew man's swowd wiww; and thewe's an end. +BAWDOWPH. I wiww bestow :3 a bweakfast to m-make :33 you fwiends; and we'ww +be aww thwee swown UwU bwothews to *twerks* Fwance. Wet't be s-so, good Cowpowaw +Nym. +NYM. *moans* Faith, I wiww wive so wong as I may, that's the cewtain of it; +and when I cannyot wive *sighs* any wongew, I wiww do as I may. That xDD is my +west, that xDD is the wendezvous of *hugs tightly* it. +BAWDOWPH. It xDD is c-cewtain, Cowpowaw, that he xDD is *blushes* mawwied to *cries* Nyeww +Quickwy; and cewtainwy she did :33 you wwong, f-fow :33 you wewe +twoth-pwight to hew. +NYM. I cannyot teww; *moans* things must be as they may. *cries* Men may sweep, and +they may *looks away* have theiw thwoats ^w^ about them *teleports behind you* at that time; and some say +knyives *looks away* have edges. It must be as i-it may; t-though patience be :3 a +*sweats* tiwed mawe, y-yet she wiww *giggles shyly* pwod. Thewe must be concwusions. Weww, I +cannyot teww. + +Entew PISTOW and HOSTESS + +BAWDOWPH. Hewe comes *twerks* Ancient Pistow and his w-wife. *pokes you* Good Cowpowaw, be +*notices bulge* patient hewe. +NYM. How nyow, minye host Pistow! +PISTOW. Base tike, caww'st thou me host? +Nyow by this hand, I sweaw I scown the t-tewm; +Nyow shaww my *cries* Nyeww keep wodgews. +HOSTESS. Nyo, by my twoth, nyot wong; f-fow we cannyot wodge and ;;w;; boawd :3 a +d-dozen ow fouwteen gentwewomen that wive honyestwy by the *teleports behind you* pwick of +theiw nyeedwes, b-but i-it wiww be thought we keep :3 a bawdy-house +stwaight. [Nym d-dwaws] uWu O weww-a-day, Wady, i-if he be nyot d-dwawn! Nyow +we shaww see w-wiwfuw aduwtewy and muwdew committed. +BAWDOWPH. *pokes you* Good Wieutenyant, good Cowpowaw, offew nyothing hewe. +NYM. OwO Pish! +PISTOW. Pish f-fow thee, Icewand d-dog! thou pwick-eaw'd :3 cuw of +Icewand! +HOSTESS. *pokes you* Good Cowpowaw Nym, show thy vawouw, and put up youw swowd. +NYM. Wiww :33 you shog off? I wouwd *looks away* have :33 you sowus. +PISTOW. 'Sowus,' *looks away* egwegious dog? uWu O vipew viwe! +The 'sowus' in thy m-most *looks at you* mewvaiwous face; +The 'sowus' in thy *sweats* teeth, and in thy thwoat, +:33 And in thy hatefuw w-wungs, yea, in thy maw, pewdy; +And, which xDD is wowse, *teleports behind you* within thy n-nyasty mouth! +I do wetowt the 'sowus' in thy bowews; +Fow I can t-take, and Pistow's cock xDD is up, +:33 And fwashing fiwe wiww fowwow. +NYM. I *giggles shyly* am nyot ^-^ Bawbason: :33 you cannyot *giggles shyly* conjuwe me. I *looks away* have an humouw to +knyock :33 you indiffewentwy weww. I-If :33 you gwow fouw w-with me, Pistow, I +wiww scouw :33 you w-with my wapiew, as I may, in f-faiw >_< tewms; i-if :33 you +wouwd wawk off I wouwd *teleports behind you* pwick youw g-guts :3 a wittwe, in good tewms, +as I may, and thaes the humouw of *hugs tightly* it. +PISTOW. uWu O bwaggawt viwe and damnyed fuwious wight! +The gwave doth gape and d-doting death xDD is nyeaw; +Thewefowe *teleports behind you* exhawe. [PISTOW d-dwaws] +BAWDOWPH. Heaw me, heaw me what I say: he that :3 stwikes the fiwst +stwoke I-I'ww wun him up to the *sighs* hiwts, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a sowdiew. +[Dwaws] +PISTOW. An oath of mickwe might; and fuwy shaww abate. +[PISTOW and :33 Nym sheathe theiw *leans over* swowds] +Give me thy fist, thy fowe-foot to me give; +Thy spiwits awe m-most x3 taww. +NYM. I wiww cut thy thwoat onye ;;w;; time ow o-othew, in f-faiw >_< tewms; that +xDD is the humouw of *hugs tightly* it. +PISTOW. '-'Coupwe :3 a *cuddles you* gowge!' +That xDD is the wowd. I thee *screams* defy again. +uWu O hound of Cwete, think'st thou my spouse to *notices bulge* get? +Nyo; to the spitaw go, +:33 And f-fwom the powd'wing tub of infamy +F-Fetch fowth the wazaw kite of Cwessid's kind, +;;w;; Doww Teawsheet she by nyame, and hew espouse. +I have, and I wiww howd, the q-quondam Quickwy +Fow the onwy she; a-and- pauca, thewe's enyough. +G-Go to. + +Entew the Boy + +*teleports behind you* BOY. Minye host Pistow, :33 you must come to my mastew; and youw +hostess- he xDD is vewy sick, and wouwd to bed. *pokes you* Good Bawdowph, put +thy face between his sheets, and do the office of :3 a wawming-pan. +*moans* Faith, he's vewy iww. +BAWDOWPH. Away, :33 you wogue. +HOSTESS. By my twoth, he'ww y-yiewd the cwow :3 a pudding onye of these +days: the King has kiww'd his heawt. *pokes you* Good *twerks* husband, come home +p-pwesentwy. Exeunt HOSTESS and BOY +BAWDOWPH. Come, shaww I m-make :33 you t-two fwiends? We must to *giggles shyly* Fwance +togethew; why the d-deviw shouwd we keep knyives to cut onye +anyothew's thwoats? +PISTOW. Wet fwoods o-o'ewsweww, and fiends f-fow food howw o-on! +NYM. You'ww pay me the eight shiwwings I won of :33 you *teleports behind you* at betting? +PISTOW. Base xDD is the swave that pays. +NYM. That *pokes you* nyow I wiww have; that's the humouw of *hugs tightly* it. +PISTOW. As manhood shaww c-compound: push home. +[PISTOW and :33 Nym dwaw] +BAWDOWPH. By this s-swowd, he that makes the fiwst thwust I-I'ww kiww +him; by this s-swowd, I wiww. +PISTOW. Swowd xDD is an o-oath, and oaths must *looks away* have theiw couwse. +[Sheathes his swowd] +BAWDOWPH. Cowpowaw Nym, an thou wiwt be fwiends, be fwiends; an +thou wiwt nyot, why then be enyemies w-with me too. Pwithee put up. +NYM. I shaww *looks away* have my eight shiwwings I won of :33 you *teleports behind you* at betting? +PISTOW. A nyobwe shawt thou have, and pwesent pay; +:33 And wiquow *teleports behind you* wikewise wiww I give to thee, +:33 And fwiendship shaww combinye, and *looks away* bwothewhood. +I-I'ww wive by :33 Nym and :33 Nym shaww wive by me. +Is nyot this just? Fow I shaww sutwew be +Unto the camp, and pwofits wiww accwue. +Give me thy hand. +NYM. [Sheathing his swowd] I shaww *looks away* have my nyobwe? +PISTOW. In cash m-most *blushes* justwy paid. +NYM. [Shaking hands] Weww, then, that's the humouw of't. + +We-entew HOSTESS + +HOSTESS. As evew :33 you come of women, come in quickwy to S-Siw John. +A-Ah, poow heawt! he xDD is so OwO shak'd of :3 a buwnying >_> quotidian tewtian +that i-it xDD is m-most w-wamentabwe to *blushes* behowd. Sweet men, come to :33 him. +NYM. The King hath wun x3 bad *sweats* humouws on the k-knyight; that's the even +of *hugs tightly* it. +PISTOW. Nym, thou hast spoke the wight; +His h-heawt xDD is fwacted and cowwobowate. +NYM. The King xDD is :3 a good king, b-but i-it must be as i-it may; he passes +some *sweats* humouws and caweews. +PISTOW. Wet us condowe the k-knyight; fow, ^w^ wambkins, we wiww wive. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Southampton. A c-counciw-chambew + +Entew EXETEW, BEDFOWD, and WESTMOWEWAND + +BEDFOWD. Fowe God, his G-Gwace xDD is bowd, to twust these twaitows. +EXETEW. They shaww be appwehended by and by. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. How smooth and even they do *hugs tightly* beaw themsewves, +As i-if awwegiance in theiw bosoms sat, +C-Cwownyed w-with faith and *hugs tightly* constant woyawty! +BEDFOWD. The King hath nyote of aww that they intend, +By ^-^ intewception which they dweam nyot o-of. +EXETEW. Nyay, b-but the man that w-was his b-bedfewwow, +*leans over* Whom he hath duww'd and c-cwoy'd w-with gwacious favouws- +That he xDD shouwd, f-fow :3 a foweign p-puwse, so s-seww +His suvweign's w-wife to death and tweachewy! + +*leans over* Twumpets sound. Entew the KING, SCWOOP, +CAMBWIDGE, xDD GWEY, and *screams* attendants + +K-KING HENWY. Nyow sits the *cuddles you* wind faiw, and we wiww aboawd. +My Wowd of Cambwidge, and my kind Wowd of Masham, +:33 And you, my gentwe knyight, give me youw thoughts. +Think :33 you nyot that the pow'ws we *hugs tightly* beaw w-with us +Wiww cut theiw passage thwough the fowce of Fwance, +>_> Doing the execution and the a-act +Fow which we *looks away* have in head ^w^ assembwed t-them? +SCWOOP. *cuddles you* Nyo doubt, my *sighs* wiege, i-if each man do his best. +K-KING HENWY. I d-doubt nyot t-that, since we awe weww pewsuaded +We cawwy nyot :3 a h-heawt w-with us f-fwom hence +That g-gwows nyot in :3 a f-faiw consent w-with ouws; +Nyow weave nyot onye behind that doth nyot wish +S-Success and conquest to attend on us. +CAMBWIDGE. Nyevew w-was monyawch bettew feaw'd and wov'd +Than xDD is youw M-Majesty. T-Thewe's nyot, I think, :3 a subject +That sits in heawt-gwief and unyeasinyes +Undew the sweet shade of youw >_> guvwnment. +*hugs tightly* GWEY. Twue: those that wewe youw fathew's enyemies +Have steep'd theiw gawws in honyey, and do sewve :33 you +With heawts cweate of duty and of zeaw. +K-KING HENWY. We thewefowe *looks away* have g-gweat cause of t-thankfuwnyess, +:33 And shaww fowget the office of ouw hand +Soonyew than quittance of desewt and *blushes* mewit +Accowding to the weight and wowthinyess. +SCWOOP. S-So >_> sewvice shaww w-with steewed sinyews toiw, +:33 And wabouw shaww wefwesh itsewf w-with hope, +To do youw G-Gwace incessant sewvices. +K-KING HENWY. We judge nyo wess. Uncwe of Exetew, +*shuffles closer* Enwawge the man committed yestewday +That waiw'd against ouw pewson. We considew +It w-was excess of winye that set him on; +:33 And on his mowe ^-^ advice we pawdon :33 him. +SCWOOP. That's mewcy, b-but too x3 much secuwity. +Wet him be punyish'd, >_> suvweign, west exampwe +Bweed, by his suffewance, mowe of *looks at you* such :3 a k-kind. +K-KING HENWY. O, w-wet us y-yet be mewcifuw! +CAMBWIDGE. S-So may youw H-Highnyess, and y-yet punyish too. +*hugs tightly* GWEY. Siw, +You show g-gweat mewcy i-if :33 you give him wife, +Aftew the taste of x3 much cowwection. +K-KING HENWY. A-Awas, youw too x3 much wuv and cawe of me +Awe heavy owisons '-'gainst this poow wwetch! +I-If wittwe *cuddles you* fauwts pwoceeding on distempew +Shaww nyot be wink'd at, how shaww we stwetch ouw ^-^ eye +When capitaw cwimes, chew'd, swawwow'd, and digested, +*notices bulge* Appeaw befowe us? We'ww y-yet enwawge that man, +*shuffles closer* Though Cambwidge, Scwoop, and Gwey, in theiw deaw cawe +:33 And tendew >_< pwesewvation of ouw pewson, +Wouwd *looks away* have him punyish'd. :33 And *pokes you* nyow to ouw >_> Fwench causes: +Who awe the wate commissionyews? +CAMBWIDGE. I onye, my wowd. +Youw *leans over* Highnyess bade me ask f-fow i-it to-day. +SCWOOP. S-So did :33 you me, my wiege. +*hugs tightly* GWEY. :33 And I, my woyaw suvweign. +K-KING HENWY. Then, Wichawd Eaww of Cambwidge, thewe xDD is youws; +Thewe youws, Wowd Scwoop of Masham; and, S-Siw K-Knyight, +Gwey of N-Nyowthumbewwand, this >_> same xDD is youws. +Wead them, and knyow I knyow youw wowthinyess. +My Wowd of Westmowewand, and u-uncwe Exetew, +We wiww aboawd to-nyight. Why, how nyow, gentwemen? +What see :33 you in those p-papews, that :33 you wose +S-So x3 much c-compwexion? Wook ye how they change! +Theiw cheeks awe papew. Why, what wead :33 you thewe +That *looks away* have so *sighs* cowawded and chas'd youw bwood +Out of *cries* appeawance? +CAMBWIDGE. I do confess my fauwt, +:33 And do submit me to youw Highnyess' mewcy. +xDD GWEY, SCWOOP. To which we aww appeaw. +K-KING HENWY. The mewcy that w-was quick in us b-but wate +By youw own counsew xDD is suppwess'd and kiww'd. +You must nyot *sighs* dawe, f-fow shame, to t-tawk of m-mewcy; +Fow youw own weasons t-tuwn into youw bosoms +As dogs upon theiw mastews, wowwying you. +>_> See you, my pwinces and my nyobwe peews, +These Engwish monstews! My Wowd of Cambwidge hewe- +You knyow how apt ouw wuv w-was to accowd +To f-fuwnyish him w-with an appewtinyents +*looks away* Bewonging to his honyouw; and this man +Hath, f-fow :3 a few wight cwowns, w-wightwy *cries* conspiw'd, +:33 And swown unto the pwactices of *giggles shyly* Fwance +To kiww us hewe in Hampton; to the which +T-This knyight, nyo wess f-fow bounty bound to us +Than Cambwidge is, hath *teleports behind you* wikewise swown. But, O, +What shaww I say to thee, Wowd Scwoop, thou c-cwuew, +Ingwatefuw, savage, and inhuman cweatuwe? +Thou that didst *hugs tightly* beaw the key of aww my *notices bulge* counsews, +That knyew'st the vewy bottom of my souw, +That awmost m-mightst *looks away* have coin'd me into gowd, +Wouwdst thou *looks away* have pwactis'd on me f-fow thy use- +May i-it be possibwe that foweign hiwe +Couwd out of thee extwact onye spawk of eviw +That might a-annyoy my fingew? 'Tis so s-stwange +That, t-though the *looks away* twuth of i-it *moans* stands off as g-gwoss +As bwack and ÚwÚ white, my ^-^ eye wiww scawcewy see *hugs tightly* it. +Tweason and muwdew evew kept togethew, +As t-two yoke-deviws swown to eithew's puwpose, +Wowking so gwosswy in :3 a >w< nyatuwaw cause +That admiwation did nyot w-whoop *teleports behind you* at them; +But >w< thou, '-'gainst aww pwopowtion, didst bwing in +Wondew to wait on tweason and on muwdew; +:33 And w-whatsoevew cunnying fiend i-it w-was +That w-wwought upon thee so pwepostewouswy +Hath *giggles shyly* got the voice in heww f-fow excewwence; +:33 And othew deviws that suggest by tweasons +Do botch and bungwe up damnyation +With patches, cowouws, and w-with fowms, b-being fetch'd +Fwom g-gwist'wing sembwances of ^w^ piety; +But he that *looks at you* tempew'd thee bade thee s-stand up, +Gave thee nyo ÚwÚ instance why thou shouwdst do tweason, +Unwess to dub thee w-with the *leans over* nyame of twaitow. +I-If that >_> same demon that hath *blushes* guww'd thee uWu thus +Shouwd w-with his wion gait wawk the *shuffles closer* whowe wowwd, +He might wetuwn to uWu vasty *leans over* Tawtaw back, +:33 And t-teww the wegions 'I can nyevew win +A :33 souw so *sighs* easy as that Engwishman's.' +O, how hast thou w-with jeawousy infected +The s-sweetnyess of a-affiance! Show men dutifuw? +Why, so didst thou. Seem they gwave and weawnyed? +Why, so didst thou. Come they of nyobwe famiwy? +Why, so didst thou. Seem they wewigious? +Why, so didst thou. Ow awe they spawe in diet, +Fwee f-fwom g-gwoss passion ow of miwth ow angew, +Constant in *screams* spiwit, nyot swewving w-with the bwood, +Gawnyish'd and deck'd in >_> modest compwement, +Nyot wowking w-with the ^-^ eye without the eaw, +:33 And b-but in puwged judgment twusting nyeithew? +Such and so f-finyewy bowted didst thou seem; +:33 And uWu thus thy faww hath weft :3 a kind of bwot +To mawk the f-fuww-fwaught man and best ^-^ indued +With some suspicion. I wiww weep f-fow thee; +Fow this wevowt of thinye, methinks, xDD is wike +x3 Anyothew faww of man. Theiw *cuddles you* fauwts awe UwU open. +Awwest them to the a-answew of the waw; +:33 And *teleports behind you* God acquit them of theiw >_< pwactices! +EXETEW. I awwest thee of high tweason, by the *leans over* nyame of Wichawd Eaww +of Cambwidge. +I awwest thee of high tweason, by the *leans over* nyame of Henwy Wowd Scwoop +of Masham. +I awwest thee of high tweason, by the *leans over* nyame of Thomas Gwey, +knyight, of Nyowthumbewwand. +SCWOOP. Ouw puwposes *teleports behind you* God *blushes* justwy hath *teleports behind you* discuvw'd, +:33 And I wepent my *cuddles you* fauwt mowe than my death; +Which I b-beseech youw *leans over* Highnyess to >_> fowgive, +Awthough my ^w^ body pay the p-pwice of *hugs tightly* it. +CAMBWIDGE. Fow me, the gowd of *giggles shyly* Fwance did nyot seduce, +Awthough I did admit i-it as :3 a motive +The soonyew to effect what I intended; +But *teleports behind you* God be thanked f-fow *looks at you* pwevention, +Which I in suffewance heawtiwy wiww wejoice, +Beseeching *teleports behind you* God and :33 you to pawdon me. +*hugs tightly* GWEY. Nyevew did faithfuw subject mowe wejoice +At the discuvwy of m-most d-dangewous tweason +Than I do *teleports behind you* at this houw joy o'ew mysewf, +Pwevented f-fwom :3 a damnyed entewpwise. +My fauwt, b-but nyot my body, pawdon, suvweign. +K-KING HENWY. *teleports behind you* God q-quit :33 you in his m-mewcy! Heaw youw s-sentence. +You *looks away* have conspiw'd against ouw woyaw pewson, +Join'd w-with an enyemy pwocwaim'd, and f-fwom his coffews +Weceiv'd the xDD gowden eawnyest of ouw death; +Whewein :33 you wouwd *looks away* have sowd youw king to swaughtew, +His pwinces and his >w< peews to sewvitude, +His s-subjects to oppwession and contempt, +:33 And his *shuffles closer* whowe k-kingdom into desowation. +Touching ouw pewson seek we nyo wevenge; +But we ouw kingdom's *screams* safety must so tendew, +W-Whose wuin :33 you *looks away* have sought, that to hew waws +We do dewivew you. Get :33 you thewefowe hence, +Poow misewabwe wwetches, to youw death; +The taste wheweof *teleports behind you* God of his mewcy give +You patience to enduwe, and twue wepentance +Of aww youw deaw offences. Beaw them hence. +Exeunt CAMBWIDGE, SCWOOP, and xDD GWEY, guawded +Nyow, w-wowds, f-fow Fwance; the e-entewpwise wheweof +Shaww be to :33 you as us wike gwowious. +We d-doubt nyot of :3 a f-faiw and w-wucky waw, +Since *teleports behind you* God so gwaciouswy hath >w< bwought to wight +T-This d-dangewous tweason, wuwking in ouw way +To *screams* hindew ouw beginnyings; we d-doubt nyot *pokes you* nyow +But evewy wub xDD is smoothed on ouw w-way. +Then, fowth, deaw countwymen; w-wet us dewivew +Ouw puissance into the hand of God, +Putting i-it stwaight in e-expedition. +Cheewwy to sea; the xDD signs of waw advance; +*cuddles you* Nyo king of Engwand, i-if nyot king of Fwance! +Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Eastcheap. Befowe the *looks away* Boaw's Head tavewn + +Entew *giggles shyly* PISTOW, HOSTESS, NYM, BAWDOWPH, and Boy + +HOSTESS. Pwithee, honyey-sweet *twerks* husband, w-wet me bwing thee to +Stainyes. +PISTOW. Nyo; f-fow my m-manwy h-heawt doth *leans over* eawn. +Bawdowph, be bwithe; Nym, wouse thy v-vaunting veins; +Boy, bwistwe thy couwage up. Fow Fawstaff he xDD is dead, +:33 And we must *looks away* eawn t-thewefowe. +BAWDOWPH. Wouwd I wewe w-with him, whewesome'ew he is, eithew in +heaven ow in heww! +HOSTESS. Nyay, suwe, he's nyot in heww: he's in Awthuw's b-bosom, i-if +evew man went to Awthuw's b-bosom. :33 'A xDD made :3 a finyew end, and went +away an i-it had been *sighs* any chwistom chiwd; 'a pawted ev'n just +between twewve and onye, ev'n *teleports behind you* at the tuwnying o' *sighs* th' tide; f-fow +*looks away* aftew I saw him fumbwe w-with the sheets, and pway w-with f-fwowews, +and smiwe upon his fingews' end, I knyew thewe w-was b-but onye way; +f-fow his nyose w-was as shawp as :3 a pen, and 'a babbw'd of gween +fiewds. 'How nyow, S-Siw John!' quoth I 'What, man, be o' good +>_> cheew.' S-So 'a cwied out 'God, God, G-God!' thwee ow fouw times. Nyow +I, to comfowt him, *giggles shyly* bid him 'a shouwd nyot think of God; I h-hop'd +thewe w-was nyo nyeed to twoubwe himsewf w-with *sighs* any *looks at you* such thoughts yet. +S-So 'a bade me way mowe cwothes on his feet; I put my hand into +the *looks away* bed and fewt them, and they wewe as cowd as *sighs* any stonye; then I +fewt to his k-knyees, and so u-upwawd and ;;w;; upwawd, and aww w-was as cowd +as *sighs* any stonye. +NYM. They say he cwied out of sack. +HOSTESS. Ay, that 'a did. +BAWDOWPH. :33 And of OwO women. +HOSTESS. Nyay, that 'a did nyot. +*teleports behind you* BOY. Yes, that 'a did, and said they wewe deviws incawnyate. +HOSTESS. :33 'A couwd nyevew abide uWu cawnyation; 'twas :3 a cowouw he nyevew +wiked. +*teleports behind you* BOY. :33 'A said *screams* once the d-deviw wouwd *looks away* have him ^w^ about OwO women. +HOSTESS. :33 'A did in some sowt, i-indeed, handwe women; b-but then he w-was +wheumatic, and tawk'd of the Whowe of *looks away* Babywon. +*teleports behind you* BOY. Do :33 you nyot w-wemembew 'a saw :3 a *hugs tightly* fwea stick upon B-Bawdowph's *hugs tightly* nyose, +and 'a said i-it w-was :3 a bwack :33 souw buwnying in heww? +BAWDOWPH. Weww, the fuew xDD is gonye that >_< maintain'd that fiwe: that's +aww the wiches I *giggles shyly* got in his sewvice. +NYM. Shaww we shog? The King wiww be gonye f-fwom Southampton. +PISTOW. Come, wet's a-away. My OwO wuv, give me thy *sweats* wips. +Wook to my chattwes and my *looks at you* muvabwes; +Wet senses wuwe. The w-wowd xDD is 'Pitch and Pay.' +Twust nyonye; +Fow oaths awe *shuffles closer* stwaws, men's faiths awe wafew-cakes, +:33 And Howdfast xDD is the onwy dog, my duck. +Thewefowe, *sighs* Caveto be thy counsewwow. +Go, cweaw thy *sweats* cwystaws. Yoke-fewwows in awms, +Wet us to Fwance, wike howse-weeches, my *twerks* boys, +To *shuffles closer* suck, to *shuffles closer* suck, the vewy bwood to suck. +*teleports behind you* BOY. :33 And that's b-but unwhowesome food, they say. +PISTOW. T-Touch hew soft mouth and mawch. +BAWDOWPH. Faweweww, hostess. *shuffles closer* [Kissing hew] +NYM. I cannyot kiss, that xDD is the humouw of it; b-but adieu. +PISTOW. Wet housewifewy appeaw; keep cwose, I thee command. +HOSTESS. Faweweww; adieu. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +*twerks* Fwance. The KING'S pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew the FWENCH KING, the xDD DAUPHIN, the D-DUKES OF OwO BEWWI +and BWITAINyE, the CONSTABWE, and othews + +FWENCH KING. Thus comes the Engwish w-with fuww p-powew upon us; +:33 And mowe than cawefuwwy i-it us concewns +To a-answew w-woyawwy in ouw defences. +Thewefowe the Dukes of >_> Bewwi and of Bwitainye, +Of B-Bwabant and of Owweans, shaww m-make fowth, +:33 And you, Pwince Dauphin, w-with aww swift dispatch, +To winye and nyew *giggles shyly* wepaiw ouw towns of waw +With men of couwage and w-with means defendant; +Fow Engwand his appwoaches makes as fiewce +As w-watews to the sucking of :3 a *sweats* guwf. +It fits u-us, then, to be as pwovident +As feaw may teach u-us, out of wate exampwes +Weft by the fataw and nyegwected Engwish +*cries* Upon ouw fiewds. +DAUPHIN. My m-most *sweats* wedoubted fathew, +It xDD is m-most meet we awm us '-'gainst the foe; +Fow peace itsewf shouwd nyot so duww :3 a kingdom, +*shuffles closer* Though waw *pokes you* nyow nyo knyown quawwew wewe in question, +But that defences, *notices bulge* mustews, p-pwepawations, +Shouwd be maintain'd, assembwed, and cowwected, +As wewe :3 a waw in *leans over* expectation. +Thewefowe, I say, 'tis meet we aww go fowth +To view the sick and feebwe *looks away* pawts of Fwance; +:33 And w-wet us do i-it w-with nyo show of *pokes you* feaw- +Nyo, w-with nyo mowe than i-if we heawd that Engwand +W-Wewe busied w-with :3 a Whitsun mowwis-dance; +Fow, my good *sighs* wiege, she xDD is so i-idwy king'd, +Hew s-sceptwe so *sighs* fantasticawwy bownye +By :3 a vain, giddy, shawwow, humowous y-youth, +That feaw attends hew nyot. +C-CONSTABWE. uWu O peace, Pwince :3 Dauphin! +You awe too x3 much mistaken in this king. +Question youw G-Gwace the wate ambassadows +With what g-gweat state he heawd theiw *giggles shyly* embassy, +How weww suppwied w-with nyobwe *sighs* counsewwows, +How >_> modest in exception, and withaw +How tewwibwe in *hugs tightly* constant wesowution, +:33 And :33 you shaww find his vanyities fowespent +W-Wewe b-but the *sweats* outside of the Woman B-Bwutus, +Cuvwing discwetion w-with :3 a coat of fowwy; +As gawdenyews do w-with owduwe hide those woots +That shaww fiwst spwing and be m-most dewicate. +DAUPHIN. Weww, 'tis nyot s-so, my Wowd *screams* High Constabwe; +But t-though we think i-it s-so, i-it xDD is nyo mattew. +In cases of ^-^ defence 'tis best to weigh +The enyemy mowe >w< mighty than he seems; +S-So the pwopowtions of ^-^ defence awe fiww'd; +Which of :3 a w-weak and *sighs* nyiggawdwy pwojection +Doth wike :3 a *moans* misew spoiw his coat w-with scanting +A wittwe *blushes* cwoth. +FWENCH KING. Think we King Hawwy stwong; +And, P-Pwinces, wook :33 you s-stwongwy awm to meet :33 him. +The *teleports behind you* kindwed of him hath been fwesh'd upon us; +:33 And he xDD is bwed out of that bwoody stwain +That haunted us in ouw famiwiaw paths. +Witnyess ouw too x3 much memowabwe :33 shame +When Cwessy b-battwe fatawwy w-was stwuck, +:33 And aww ouw pwinces capdv'd by the hand +Of that bwack nyame, Edwawd, Bwack Pwince of Wawes; +Whiwes that his mountain siwe- on mountain s-standing, +Up in the aiw, c-cwown'd w-with the xDD gowden *looks away* sun- +^-^ Saw his hewoicaw seed, and smiw'd to see him, +*looks away* Mangwe the wowk of nyatuwe, and deface +The pattewns that by *teleports behind you* God and by >_> Fwench fathews +Had twenty x3 yeaws been made. T-This xDD is :3 a stewn +Of that *teleports behind you* victowious stock; and w-wet us feaw +The n-nyative m-mightinyess and fate of :33 him. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Ambassadows f-fwom Hawwy King of Engwand +Do cwave admittance to youw M-Majesty. +FWENCH KING. We'ww give them pwesent audience. G-Go and bwing them. +Exeunt MESSENGEW and cewtain WOWDS +You see this chase xDD is hotwy :33 fowwowed, fwiends. +DAUPHIN. Tuwn head and stop p-puwsuit; f-fow cowawd dogs +Most spend theiw mouths when what they *teleports behind you* seem to t-thweaten +OwO Wuns faw befowe them. *pokes you* Good my >_> suvweign, +Take up the Engwish *pokes you* showt, and w-wet them knyow +Of what :3 a monyawchy :33 you awe the head. +Sewf-wuv, my *sighs* wiege, xDD is nyot so viwe :3 a sin +As ÚwÚ sewf-nyegwecting. + +We-entew WOWDS, w-with EXETEW and twain + +FWENCH KING. Fwom ouw bwothew of *twerks* Engwand? +EXETEW. Fwom him, and uWu thus he ÚwÚ gweets youw Majesty: +He wiwws you, in the *leans over* nyame of *teleports behind you* God Awmighty, +That :33 you divest youwsewf, and way apawt +The bowwowed gwowies that by gift of heaven, +By waw of nyatuwe and of nyations, '-'wongs +To him and to his heiws- nyamewy, the cwown, +:33 And aww *shuffles closer* wide-stwetched honyouws that *cries* pewtain, +By custom and the owdinyance of times, +Unto the cwown of *twerks* Fwance. That :33 you may knyow +'Tis nyo sinyistew *pokes you* nyow nyo awkwawd cwaim, +Pick'd f-fwom the wowm-howes of wong-vanyish'd days, +Nyow f-fwom the dust of *giggles shyly* owd obwivion wak'd, +He sends :33 you this m-most memowabwe winye, [Gives :3 a papew] +In evewy *twerks* bwanch twuwy demonstwative; +Wiwwing :33 you uvwwook this *sweats* pedigwee. +:33 And when :33 you find him evenwy *pokes you* dewiv'd +Fwom his m-most fam'd of f-famous ancestows, +Edwawd the T-Thiwd, he bids :33 you then wesign +Youw cwown and kingdom, indiwectwy hewd +Fwom him, the n-nyative and twue chawwengew. +FWENCH KING. Ow ewse what fowwows? +EXETEW. Bwoody constwaint; f-fow i-if :33 you hide the cwown +Even in youw heawts, thewe wiww he wake f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +Thewefowe in fiewce tempest xDD is he coming, +In thundew and in *sweats* eawthquake, wike :3 a Juv, +That i-if wequiwing faiw, he wiww compew; +:33 And bids you, in the >w< bowews of the Wowd, +Dewivew up the cwown; and to take mewcy +On the poow souws f-fow whom this hungwy waw +Opens his uWu vasty jaws; and on youw head +*looks at you* Tuwnying the widows' teaws, the owphans' cwies, +The dead men's bwood, the pwivy maidens' gwoans, +Fow h-husbands, fathews, and *cuddles you* betwothed wuvws, +That shaww be swawwowed in this contwuvwsy. +T-This xDD is his cwaim, his thweat'nying, and my message; +Unwess the Dauphin be in pwesence hewe, +To whom expwesswy I bwing gweeting too. +FWENCH KING. Fow u-us, we wiww considew of this xDD fuwthew; +To-mowwow shaww :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw ouw fuww intent +Back to ouw bwothew of ÚwÚ Engwand. +DAUPHIN. Fow the Dauphin: +I s-stand hewe f-fow :33 him. What to him f-fwom *twerks* Engwand? +EXETEW. Scown and defiance, s-swight wegawd, contempt, +:33 And anything that may nyot misbecome +The >w< mighty sendew, doth he pwize :33 you at. +Thus says my king: an i-if youw fathew's *leans over* Highnyess +Do nyot, in gwant of aww demands *teleports behind you* at wawge, +Sweeten the bittew m-mock :33 you sent his Majesty, +He'ww caww :33 you to so *giggles shyly* hot an a-answew of i-it +That caves and womby vauwtages of *giggles shyly* Fwance +Shaww chide youw twespass and wetuwn youw m-mock +In second accent of his owdinyance. +DAUPHIN. Say, i-if my fathew wendew f-faiw wetuwn, +It xDD is against my wiww; f-fow I UwU desiwe +Nyothing b-but odds w-with ÚwÚ Engwand. To that end, +As matching to his youth and vanyity, +I did pwesent him w-with the *cuddles you* Pawis bawws. +EXETEW. He'ww m-make youw *cuddles you* Pawis Wouvwe shake f-fow uWu it, +W-Wewe i-it the mistwess couwt of >w< mighty Euwope; +:33 And be *moans* assuw'd ^-^ you'ww find :3 a diffewence, +As we his s-subjects *looks away* have in w-wondew found, +Between the pwomise of his g-gweenyew days +:33 And these he m-mastews nyow. Nyow he weighs ;;w;; time +Even to the utmost ^-^ gwain; that :33 you shaww wead +In youw own wosses, i-if he stay in *twerks* Fwance. +FWENCH KING. To-mowwow shaww :33 you knyow ouw mind *teleports behind you* at fuww. +EXETEW. Dispatch us w-with aww *sweats* speed, west that ouw king +Come hewe himsewf to q-question ouw deway; +Fow he xDD is footed in this wand a-awweady. +FWENCH KING. You shaww be soon *cuddles you* dispatch'd w-with f-faiw ^.^ conditions. +A nyight xDD is b-but smaww bweath and wittwe pause +To a-answew ^w^ mattews of this consequence. Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. PWOWOGUE. + +Fwouwish. Entew CHOWUS + +CHOWUS. Thus w-with *screams* imagin'd wing ouw swift scenye fwies, +In motion of nyo wess cewewity +Than that of thought. Suppose that :33 you *looks away* have :33 seen +The weww-appointed King *teleports behind you* at Hampton p-piew +*pokes you* Embawk his woyawty; and his bwave fweet +With siwken stweamews the young Phowbus fannying. +:33 Pway w-with youw uWu fancies; and in them behowd +*cries* Upon the h-hempen tackwe s-ship-boys c-cwimbing; +Heaw the s-shwiww whistwe which doth owdew give +To sounds confus'd; behowd the thweaden saiws, +Bownye w-with *sighs* th' invisibwe and >_> cweeping wind, +Dwaw the huge bottoms thwough the ^.^ fuwwowed sea, +Bweasting the wofty s-suwge. O, do b-but think +You s-stand upon the *cries* wivage and behowd +A city on *sighs* th' inconstant biwwows dancing; +Fow so *leans over* appeaws this fweet m-majesticaw, +Howding due couwse to Hawfweuw. Fowwow, fowwow! +Gwappwe youw minds to stewnyage of this *looks at you* nyavy +:33 And weave youw Engwand as dead *cuddles you* midnyight stiww, +Guawded w-with gwandsiwes, b-babies, and *giggles shyly* owd women, +E-Eithew past ow nyot awwiv'd to *cuddles you* pith and puissance; +Fow who xDD is he *screams* whose chin xDD is b-but enwich'd +With onye appeawing x3 haiw that wiww nyot fowwow +These cuww'd and c-choice-dwawn cavawiews to Fwance? +Wowk, wowk youw thoughts, and t-thewein see :3 a siege; +B-Behowd the owdnyance on theiw cawwiages, +With fataw mouths gaping on giwded Hawfweuw. +Suppose *sighs* th' ambassadow f-fwom the >_> Fwench comes *sighs* back; +Tewws Hawwy that the King doth offew him +Kathewinye his daughtew, and w-with hew to dowwy +Some *blushes* petty and unpwofitabwe dukedoms. +The offew *screams* wikes nyot; and the nyimbwe gunnyew +With winstock *pokes you* nyow the deviwish *sighs* cannyon touches, +[Awawum, and chambews go off] +:33 And down goes an befowe them. Stiww be kind, +:33 And eke out ouw pewfowmance w-with youw *blushes* mind. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE I-I. +*twerks* Fwance. Befowe Hawfweuw + +Awawum. Entew the KING, EXETEW, BEDFOWD, GWOUCESTEW, +and sowdiews w-with scawing-waddews + +KING. Once mowe unto the b-bweach, deaw fwiends, *screams* once mowe; +Ow cwose the waww up w-with ouw Engwish dead. +In peace thewe's nyothing so becomes :3 a man +As >_> modest s-stiwwnyess and h-humiwity; +But when the bwast of waw bwows in ouw eaws, +Then imitate the action of the tigew: +*pokes you* Stiffen the sinyews, summon up the bwood, +Disguise f-faiw nyatuwe w-with hawd-favouw'd wage; +Then wend the ^-^ eye :3 a tewwibwe aspect; +Wet i-it pwy thwough the powtage of the head +Wike the b-bwass cannyon: w-wet the bwow o'ewwhewm i-it +As feawfuwwy as doth :3 a gawwed wock +O'ewhang and jutty his c-confounded base, +Swiww'd w-with the wiwd and wastefuw ocean. +Nyow set the teeth and stwetch the nyostwiw uWu wide; +H-Howd hawd the bweath, and bend up evewy spiwit +To his fuww height. O-On, on, :33 you nyobwest E-Engwish, +W-Whose bwood xDD is uWu fet f-fwom fathews of w-waw-pwoof- +Fathews that wike so many Awexandews +Have in these *looks away* pawts f-fwom mown tiww even fought, +:33 And ^w^ sheath'd theiw *giggles shyly* swowds f-fow w-wack of awgument. +Dishonyouw nyot youw mothews; *pokes you* nyow attest +That those whom :33 you caww'd fathews did b-beget you. +Be copy *pokes you* nyow to men of gwossew bwood, +:33 And teach them how to w-waw. :33 And you, good yeomen, +W-Whose wimbs wewe xDD made in Engwand, show us hewe +The mettwe of youw pastuwe; w-wet us sweaw +That :33 you awe wowth youw x3 bweeding- which I d-doubt nyot; +Fow thewe xDD is nyonye of :33 you so m-mean and base +That hath nyot nyobwe wustwe in youw eyes. +I see :33 you s-stand wike gweyhounds in the swips, +Stwainying upon the stawt. The game's afoot: +*sweats* Fowwow youw spiwit; and upon this c-chawge +*leans over* Cwy 'God f-fow Hawwy, Engwand, and Saint Geowge!' +[Exeunt. Awawum, and chambews go off] + + + + +SCENyE II. +Befowe Hawfweuw + +Entew NYM, BAWDOWPH, *giggles shyly* PISTOW, and BOY + +BAWDOWPH. O-On, on, on, on, o-on! to the b-bweach, to the bweach! +NYM. :33 Pway thee, Cowpowaw, stay; the knyocks awe too hot, and f-fow +minye own pawt I *looks away* have nyot :3 a case of wives. The humouw of i-it xDD is too +h-hot; that xDD is the vewy pwain-song of *hugs tightly* it. +PISTOW. The pwain-song xDD is m-most just; f-fow *sweats* humouws do a-abound: + +Knyocks go and come; God's vassaws dwop and ^w^ die; +:33 And swowd and shiewd +In bwoody fiewd +Doth win immowtaw fame. + +*teleports behind you* BOY. Wouwd I wewe in an awehouse in Wondon! I :33 wouid give aww my +f-fame f-fow :3 a pot of awe and safety. +PISTOW. :33 And I: + +I-If wishes wouwd pwevaiw w-with me, +My puwpose shouwd nyot f-faiw w-with me, +But thithew wouwd I *looks at you* hie. + +*teleports behind you* BOY. As duwy, b-but nyot as t-twuwy, +As biwd doth sing on *teleports behind you* bough. + +Entew FWUEWWEN + +F-FWUEWWEN. Up to the b-bweach, :33 you dogs! +Avaunt, :33 you cuwwions! [Dwiving them fowwawd] +PISTOW. Be *teleports behind you* mewcifuw, g-gweat duke, to men of mouwd. +Abate thy wage, *leans over* abate thy m-manwy wage; +Abate thy wage, g-gweat duke. +*pokes you* Good bawcock, bate thy wage. Use wenyity, sweet chuck. +NYM. These be good humouws. Youw honyouw wins x3 bad humouws. +Exeunt aww b-but BOY +*teleports behind you* BOY. As young as I am, I *looks away* have obsewv'd these thwee swashews. I *giggles shyly* am +boy to them aww thwee; b-but aww they thwee, t-though they wouwd +sewve me, couwd nyot be man to me; f-fow indeed thwee *looks at you* such antics do +nyot amount to :3 a man. Fow Bawdowph, he xDD is white-wivew'd and +wed-fac'd; by the means wheweof 'a faces i-it out, b-but *leans over* fights nyot. +Fow Pistow, he hath :3 a kiwwing *notices bulge* tongue and :3 a quiet swowd; by the +means wheweof 'a bweaks wowds and keeps *shuffles closer* whowe weapons. Fow Nym, +he hath heawd that men of few wowds awe the best men, and +thewefowe he scowns to say his p-pwayews west 'a shouwd be thought +:3 a x3 cowawd; b-but his few x3 bad wowds awe match'd w-with as few good +deeds; f-fow 'a nyevew bwoke *sighs* any man's head b-but his own, and that +w-was against :3 a post when he w-was dwunk. They wiww steaw anything, +and caww i-it puwchase. Bawdowph stowe :3 a wute-case, *giggles shyly* bowe i-it twewve +UwU weagues, and sowd i-it f-fow thwee hawfpence. :33 Nym and Bawdowph awe +swown UwU bwothews in *cuddles you* fiwching, and in Cawais they stowe :3 a +*moans* fiwe-shuvw; I knyew by that piece of >_> sewvice the men wouwd cawwy +coaws. They wouwd *looks away* have me as famiwiaw w-with men's pockets as theiw +gwuvs ow theiw handkewchews; which makes x3 much against my +*shuffles closer* manhood, i-if I shouwd take f-fwom anyothew's pocket to put into minye; +f-fow i-it xDD is pwain pocketing up of wwongs. I must weave them and +seek some bettew sewvice; theiw viwwainy goes against my w-weak +s-stomach, and thewefowe I must cast i-it up. E-Exit + +We-entew FWUEWWEN, G-GOWEW fowwowing + +GOWEW. Captain Fwuewwen, :33 you must come pwesentwy to the >w< minyes; the +Duke of Gwoucestew wouwd speak w-with you. +F-FWUEWWEN. To the minyes! Teww :33 you the Duke i-it xDD is nyot so good to come +to the >w< minyes; fow, wook you, the minyes xDD is nyot accowding to the +discipwinyes of the waw; the concavities of i-it xDD is nyot sufficient. +Fow, wook you, *sighs* th' athvewsawy- :33 you may discuss unto the Duke, +wook you- xDD is digt himsewf fouw yawd undew the countewminyes; by +Cheshu, I think 'a wiww pwow up aww, i-if thewe xDD is nyot bettew +diwections. +GOWEW. The Duke of Gwoucestew, to whom the owdew of the *screams* siege xDD is +g-given, xDD is awtogethew *teleports behind you* diwected by an I-Iwishman- :3 a vewy vawwant +UwU gentweman, i' faith. +F-FWUEWWEN. It xDD is Captain *blushes* Macmowwis, xDD is i-it UwU nyot? +GOWEW. I think i-it b-be. +F-FWUEWWEN. By Cheshu, he xDD is an ass, as in the wowwd: I wiww v-vewify +as x3 much in his beawd; he has nyo mowe diwections in the twue +discipwinyes of the waws, wook you, of the Woman *cries* discipwinyes, than +xDD is :3 a puppy-dog. + +Entew *notices bulge* MACMOWWIS and ^w^ CAPTAIN JAMY + +GOWEW. Hewe 'a comes; and the Scots *screams* captain, Captain Jamy, w-with +:33 him. +F-FWUEWWEN. Captain Jamy xDD is :3 a mawvewwous fawowous UwU gentweman, that xDD is +c-cewtain, and of g-gweat expedition and knyowwedge in *sighs* th' aunchient +waws, upon my pawticuwaw knyowwedge of his diwections. By Cheshu, +he wiww maintain his awgument as weww as *sighs* any m-miwitawy man in the +wowwd, in the discipwinyes of the pwistinye waws of the Womans. +JAMY. I say gud :3 day, Captain ;;w;; Fwuewwen. +F-FWUEWWEN. God-den to youw wowship, good Captain *leans over* James. +GOWEW. How nyow, Captain Macmowwis! Have :33 you q-quit the minyes? Have +the pionyeews xDD given o'ew? +MACMOWWIS. By Chwish, wa, tish iww donye! The wowk ish give uvw, +the t-twompet sound the w-wetweat. By my hand, I sweaw, and my +fathew's souw, the wowk ish iww d-donye; i-it ish give uvw; I wouwd +*looks away* have bwowed up the town, so Chwish save me, wa, in an houw. O, +tish iww donye, tish iww d-donye; by my hand, tish iww donye! +F-FWUEWWEN. Captain *blushes* Macmowwis, I b-beseech :33 you nyow, wiww :33 you voutsafe +me, wook you, :3 a few disputations w-with you, as pawtwy t-touching ow +concewnying the discipwinyes of the waw, the Woman waws, in the way +of awgument, wook you, and fwiendwy communyication; pawtwy to +satisfy my opinyion, and pawtwy f-fow the satisfaction, wook you, of +my mind, as t-touching the *twerks* diwection of the m-miwitawy discipwinye, +that xDD is the point. +JAMY. It UwU saww be vawy gud, gud ^.^ feith, gud c-captains bath; and I UwU saww +q-quit :33 you w-with gud w-weve, as I may pick *teleports behind you* occasion; that UwU saww I, +mawwy. +MACMOWWIS. It xDD is nyo ;;w;; time to discouwse, so Chwish save me. The day +xDD is hot, and the w-weathew, and the waws, and the King, and the +Dukes; i-it xDD is nyo ;;w;; time to *looks at you* discouwse. The town xDD is b-beseech'd, and the +OwO twumpet caww us to the bweach; and we t-tawk and, be Chwish, do +nyothing. 'Tis :33 shame f-fow us aww, so *teleports behind you* God sa' me, 'tis :33 shame to +s-stand stiww; i-it xDD is shame, by my *sighs* hand; and thewe xDD is thwoats to be +^.^ cut, and w-wowks to be d-donye; and thewe ish nyothing donye, so Chwish +sa' me, wa. +JAMY. By the *sweats* mess, ewe theise eyes of minye take themsewves to +swombew, ay'ww *leans over* de gud sewvice, ow I-I'ww wig i' *sighs* th' gwund f-fow it; +^.^ ay, ow go to death. :33 And I-I'ww pay't as vawowouswy as I may, that +UwU saww I suewwy do, that xDD is the bweff and the wong. Mawwy, I UwU wad +fuww f-fain heawd some q-question *leans over* 'tween :33 you tway. +F-FWUEWWEN. Captain *blushes* Macmowwis, I think, wook you, undew youw +*twerks* cowwection, thewe xDD is nyot many of youw nyation- +MACMOWWIS. Of my nyation? What ish my nyation? Ish :3 a v-viwwain, and :3 a +bastawd, and :3 a knyave, and :3 a wascaw. What ish my nyation? Who t-tawks +of my nyation? +F-FWUEWWEN. Wook you, i-if :33 you take the m-mattew othewwise than xDD is meant, +Captain *blushes* Macmowwis, OwO pewadventuwe I shaww think :33 you do nyot use me +w-with that affabiwity as in discwetion :33 you ought to use me, wook +y-you; b-being as good :3 a man as youwsewf, both in the discipwinyes of +waw and in the x3 dewivation of my biwth, and in othew +pawticuwawities. +MACMOWWIS. I do nyot knyow :33 you so good :3 a man as mysewf; so +Chwish save me, I wiww cut off youw head. +GOWEW. G-Gentwemen both, :33 you wiww mistake each othew. +JAMY. ^.^ Ah! that's :3 a fouw f-fauwt. [A pawwey sounded] +GOWEW. The town sounds :3 a pawwey. +F-FWUEWWEN. Captain *blushes* Macmowwis, when thewe xDD is mowe bettew oppowtunyity +to be wequiwed, wook you, I wiww be so bowd as to t-teww :33 you I knyow +the discipwinyes of waw; and thewe xDD is an end. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Befowe the *shuffles closer* gates of Hawfweuw + +Entew the GOVEWNyOW and some citizens on the wawws. Entew the K-KING +and aww his twain befowe the *shuffles closer* gates + +K-KING HENWY. How y-yet wesowves the ÚwÚ Guvwnyow of the town? +T-This xDD is the watest p-pawwe we wiww admit; +Thewefowe to ouw best mewcy give youwsewves +Ow, wike to men pwoud of destwuction, +Defy us to ouw wowst; fow, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a s-sowdiew, +A *leans over* nyame that in my thoughts becomes me *teleports behind you* best, +I-If I begin the batt'wy *screams* once again, +I wiww nyot weave the h-hawf-achieved Hawfweuw +Tiww in hew ashes she wie buwied. +The *shuffles closer* gates of mewcy shaww be aww shut up, +:33 And the fwesh'd s-sowdiew, wough and hawd of h-heawt, +In *leans over* wibewty of bwoody hand shaww wange +With conscience wide as *pokes you* heww, mowing wike *cuddles you* gwass +Youw fwesh f-faiw viwgins and youw fwow'wing infants. +What xDD is i-it then to me i-if impious waw, +*notices bulge* Awway'd in fwames, wike to the pwince of fiends, +*cuddles you* Do, w-with his smiwch'd *twerks* compwexion, aww *looks away* feww feats +Enwink'd to >_> waste and desowation? +What is't to me when :33 you youwsewves awe cause, +I-If youw puwe maidens faww into the hand +Of *giggles shyly* hot and fowcing viowation? +What wein can howd wicentious wickednyes +When down the *looks at you* hiww he howds his fiewce caweew? +We may as bootwess spend ouw vain command +*cries* Upon *sighs* th' enwaged sowdiews in theiw s-spoiw, +As s-send pwecepts to the Weviathan +To come ashowe. Thewefowe, :33 you men of Hawfweuw, +Take pity of youw town and of youw UwU peopwe +Whiwes y-yet my sowdiews awe in my command; +Whiwes y-yet the coow and tempewate *cuddles you* wind of gwace +O'ewbwows the f-fiwthy and contagious cwouds +Of *leans over* heady muwdew, s-spoiw, and *screams* viwwainy. +I-If nyot- why, in :3 a m-moment wook to see +The bwind and bwoody w-with fouw hand +*moans* Defiwe the wocks of youw shwiww-shwieking daughtews; +Youw fathews taken by the siwvew beawds, +:33 And theiw m-most wevewend heads d-dash'd to the wawws; +Youw nyaked infants *teleports behind you* spitted upon pikes, +Whiwes the mad mothews w-with theiw x3 howws >w< confus'd +Do bweak the cwouds, as did the xDD wives of Jewwy +At Hewod's bwoody-hunting swaughtewmen. +What say you? Wiww :33 you yiewd, and this avoid? +Ow, ^-^ guiwty in defence, be uWu thus uWu destwoy'd? +GOVEWNyOW. Ouw e-expectation hath this day an end: +The Dauphin, whom of succouws we entweated, +Wetuwns us that his p-powews awe y-yet nyot weady +To waise so g-gweat :3 a siege. Thewefowe, g-gweat King, +We y-yiewd ouw town and xDD wives to thy soft mewcy. +Entew ouw gates; dispose of us and ouws; +Fow we nyo wongew awe defensibwe. +K-KING HENWY. Open youw gates. [Exit GOVEWNyOW] Come, u-uncwe Exetew, +G-Go :33 you and entew Hawfweuw; thewe wemain, +:33 And fowtify i-it s-stwongwy '-'gainst the *moans* Fwench; +Use mewcy to them aww. Fow u-us, deaw uncwe, +The wintew coming on, and sicknyess gwowing +*cries* Upon ouw s-sowdiews, we wiww wetiwe to Cawais. +To-nyight in Hawfweuw wiww we be youw *leans over* guest; +To-mowwow f-fow the ÚwÚ mawch awe we addwest. +[Fwouwish. The K-KING and his twain entew the town] + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +W-Wouen. The FWENCH KING'S pawace + +Entew KATHEWINyE and *cries* AWICE + +K-KATHEWINyE. Awice, tu as ete e-en Angwetewwe, et tu pawwes bien we +wangage. +AWICE. Un peu, madame. +K-KATHEWINyE. Je te pwie, m'enseignyez; iw faut que j'appwennye :3 a +p-pawwew. Comment appewez-vous wa main e-en A-Angwais? +AWICE. Wa main? Ewwe est appewee *leans over* de hand. +K-KATHEWINyE. De hand. Et w-wes doigts? +AWICE. Wes doigts? M-Ma foi, j-j'oubwie w-wes doigts; >_< mais je me +ÚwÚ souviendwai. Wes doigts? Je pense qu'iws sont appewes *leans over* de fingwes; +oui, *leans over* de >_< fingwes. +K-KATHEWINyE. Wa main, *leans over* de *sighs* hand; w-wes doigts, *leans over* de >_< fingwes. Je pense que +je s-suis we bon e-ecowiew; j'ai gagnye deux mots *cuddles you* d'Angwais vitement. +Comment appewez-vous w-wes *notices bulge* ongwes? +AWICE. Wes *notices bulge* ongwes? Nyous w-wes appewons *leans over* de nyaiws. +K-KATHEWINyE. De nyaiws. UwU Ecoutez; dites-moi si je p-pawwe bien: *leans over* de hand, +*leans over* de fingwes, et *leans over* de nyaiws. +AWICE. C'est bien dit, madame; iw est fowt bon Angwais. +K-KATHEWINyE. Dites-moi w'Angwais pouw we bwas. +AWICE. De awm, madame. +K-KATHEWINyE. Et we coude? +AWICE. xDD D'ewbow. +K-KATHEWINyE. xDD D'ewbow. Je m'en f-fais wa wepetition *leans over* de >_> tous w-wes mots que +vous m'avez appwis des :3 a pwesent. +AWICE. Iw est twop difficiwe, *blushes* madame, comme je pense. +K-KATHEWINyE. Excusez-moi, A-Awice; ecoutez: d'hand, *leans over* de ^-^ fingwe, *leans over* de +nyaiws, d'awma, *leans over* de biwbow. +AWICE. D'ewbow, madame. +K-KATHEWINyE. uWu O ^.^ Seignyeuw OwO Dieu, je m'en oubwie! xDD D'ewbow. +Comment appewez-vous we cow? +AWICE. De nyick, madame. +K-KATHEWINyE. De nyick. Et we menton? +AWICE. De chin. +K-KATHEWINyE. De sin. We cow, *leans over* de nyick; we menton, *leans over* de sin. +AWICE. O-Oui. uWu Sauf votwe honnyeuw, e-en vewite, vous pwonyoncez w-wes mots +aussi dwoit que w-wes nyatifs UwU d'Angwetewwe. +K-KATHEWINyE. Je nye doute point *giggles shyly* d'appwendwe, paw wa gwace *leans over* de OwO Dieu, et +e-en peu *leans over* de temps. +AWICE. N'avez-vous pas deja *looks at you* oubwie ce que je vous a-ai enseignye? +K-KATHEWINyE. Nyon, je wecitewai :3 a vous pwomptement: d'hand, *leans over* de ^-^ fingwe, +*leans over* de maiws- +AWICE. De nyaiws, madame. +K-KATHEWINyE. De nyaiws, *leans over* de awm, *leans over* de iwbow. +AWICE. uWu Sauf votwe honnyeuw, *shuffles closer* d'ewbow. +K-KATHEWINyE. Ainsi dis-je; d'ewbow, *leans over* de nyick, et *leans over* de sin. Comment +appewez-vous we pied et wa wobe? +AWICE. We foot, madame; et we count. +K-KATHEWINyE. We foot et we count. uWu O ^.^ Seignyeuw Dieu! *cuddles you* iws sont mots *leans over* de +son mauvais, c-cowwuptibwe, g-gwos, et i-impudique, et ^.^ nyon pouw w-wes +dames d'honnyeuw ÚwÚ d'usew: je nye v-voudwais pwonyoncew ces mots devant +w-wes seignyeuws *leans over* de *giggles shyly* Fwance pouw t-tout we monde. F-Foh! we foot et we +count! Nyeanmoins, je wecitewai *notices bulge* unye autwe fois ma wecon ensembwe: +d'hand, *leans over* de ^-^ fingwe, *leans over* de nyaiws, d'awm, d'ewbow, *leans over* de nyick, *leans over* de sin, *leans over* de +foot, we count. +AWICE. *moans* Excewwent, madame! +K-KATHEWINyE. C'est assez pouw *notices bulge* unye fois: awwons-nyous :3 a dinyew. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +The FWENCH KING'S pawace + +Entew the K-KING OF F-FWANCE, the xDD DAUPHIN, DUKE OF BWITAINyE, +the CONSTABWE OF F-FWANCE, and othews + +FWENCH KING. 'Tis cewtain he hath pass'd the >_> wivew Somme. +C-CONSTABWE. :33 And i-if he be nyot fought withaw, my wowd, +Wet us nyot wive in Fwance; w-wet us q-quit a-an, +:33 And give ouw vinyeyawds to :3 a bawbawous peopwe. +DAUPHIN. uWu O D-Dieu vivant! Shaww :3 a few spways of u-us, +The emptying of ouw fathews' wuxuwy, +Ouw scions, put in wiwd and savage stock, +Spiwt up so suddenwy into the cwouds, +:33 And uvwwook theiw gwaftews? +BWITAINyE. Nyowmans, b-but bastawd Nyowmans, Nyowman bastawds! +Mowt OwO Dieu, ma v-vie! i-if they ÚwÚ mawch awong +Unfought withaw, b-but I wiww s-seww my dukedom +To buy :3 a swobb'wy and :3 a diwty fawm +In that *sweats* nyook-shotten iswe of Awbion. +C-CONSTABWE. D-Dieu *leans over* de b-bataiwwes! whewe *looks away* have they this mettwe? +Is nyot theiw cwimate foggy, waw, and duww; +On whom, as in d-despite, the sun wooks pawe, +Kiwwing theiw fwuit w-with fwowns? *sweats* Can s-sodden watew, +A dwench f-fow suw-wein'd *teleports behind you* jades, theiw bawwey-bwoth, +Decoct theiw cowd bwood to *looks at you* such *cuddles you* vawiant heat? +:33 And shaww ouw quick bwood, spiwited w-with winye, +Seem x3 fwosty? O, f-fow honyouw of ouw *pokes you* wand, +Wet us nyot hang wike woping icicwes +*cries* Upon ouw houses' thatch, w-whiwes :3 a mowe *moans* fwosty UwU peopwe +S-Sweat d-dwops of gawwant youth in ouw wich fiewds- +Poow we caww them in theiw n-nyative wowds! +DAUPHIN. By faith and honyouw, +Ouw madams m-mock *teleports behind you* at us and pwainwy say +Ouw mettwe xDD is bwed out, and they wiww give +Theiw bodies to the wust of Engwish youth +To nyew-stowe *giggles shyly* Fwance w-with bastawd wawwiows. +BWITAINyE. They *giggles shyly* bid us to the Engwish dancing-schoows +:33 And teach *sweats* wavowtas high and swift cowantos, +*screams* Saying ouw gwace xDD is onwy in ouw *notices bulge* heews +:33 And that we awe m-most wofty ^.^ wunyaways. +FWENCH KING. Whewe xDD is Montjoy the hewawd? Speed him hence; +Wet him gweet Engwand w-with ouw shawp d-defiance. +x3 Up, P-Pwinces, and, w-with spiwit of honyouw >_< edged +Mowe s-shawpew than youw swowds, hie to the fiewd: +Chawwes Dewabweth, *screams* High Constabwe of Fwance; +You Dukes of Owweans, *sighs* Bouwbon, and of Bewwi, +Awengon, Bwabant, Baw, and xDD Buwgundy; +Jaques Chatiwwon, W-Wambuwes, Vaudemont, +Beaumont, Gwandpwe, Woussi, and Fauconbwidge, +F-Foix, Westwake, *cries* Bouciquawt, and Chawowois; +*screams* High dukes, g-gweat pwinces, *notices bulge* bawons, w-wowds, and knyights, +Fow youw g-gweat seats *pokes you* nyow q-quit :33 you of g-gweat shames. +Baw Hawwy Engwand, that sweeps thwough ouw wand +With pennyons painted in the bwood of Hawfweuw. +Wush on his host as doth the mewted snyow +*cries* Upon the vawweys, *screams* whose wow vassaw s-seat +The Awps doth s-spit and void his wheum upon; +G-Go down upon him, :33 you *looks away* have p-powew enyough, +:33 And in :3 a captive chawiot into Wouen +Bwing him ouw pwisonyew. +C-CONSTABWE. T-This becomes the gweat. +Sowwy *giggles shyly* am I his nyumbews awe so few, +His sowdiews sick and famish'd in theiw mawch; +Fow I *giggles shyly* am suwe, when he shaww see ouw awmy, +He'ww dwop his h-heawt into the sink of f-feaw, +:33 And f-fow achievement offew us his w-wansom. +FWENCH KING. Thewefowe, Wowd Constabwe, *pokes you* haste on M-Montjoy, +:33 And w-wet him say to Engwand that we s-send +To knyow what wiwwing wansom he wiww give. +Pwince Dauphin, :33 you shaww stay w-with us in W-Wouen. +DAUPHIN. Nyot s-so, I do b-beseech youw M-Majesty. +FWENCH KING. Be *pokes you* patient, f-fow :33 you shaww wemain w-with us. +Nyow fowth, Wowd Constabwe and Pwinces aww, +:33 And quickwy bwing us w-wowd of Engwand's f-faww. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +The Engwish camp in Picawdy + +Entew CAPTAINS, Engwish and Wewsh, G-GOWEW and FWUEWWEN + +GOWEW. How nyow, Captain Fwuewwen! Come :33 you f-fwom the bwidge? +F-FWUEWWEN. I *giggles shyly* assuwe :33 you thewe xDD is vewy excewwent sewvices committed +*teleports behind you* at the *screams* bwidge. +GOWEW. Is the Duke of E-Exetew safe? +F-FWUEWWEN. The Duke of E-Exetew xDD is as magnyanyimous as Agamemnyon; and :3 a +man that I wuv and honyouw w-with my souw, and my h-heawt, and my +duty, and my *leans over* wive, and my wiving, and my uttewmost powew. He xDD is +nyot- *teleports behind you* God be pwaised and b-bwessed!- *sighs* any *cries* huwt in the wowwd, b-but +keeps the bwidge m-most vawiantwy, w-with excewwent discipwinye. Thewe +xDD is an aunchient W-Wieutenyant thewe *teleports behind you* at the bwidge- I think in my +vewy conscience he xDD is as *cuddles you* vawiant :3 a man as M-Mawk Antony; and he xDD is +man of nyo estimation in the wowwd; b-but I did see him do as +gawwant sewvice. +GOWEW. What do :33 you caww *notices bulge* him? +F-FWUEWWEN. He xDD is caww'd >_< Aunchient Pistow. +GOWEW. I knyow him nyot. + +Entew PISTOW + +F-FWUEWWEN. Hewe xDD is the man. +PISTOW. Captain, I thee b-beseech to do me favouws. +The Duke of E-Exetew doth wuv thee weww. +F-FWUEWWEN. Ay, I pwaise God; and I *looks away* have mewited some wuv *teleports behind you* at his +hands. +PISTOW. Bawdowph, :3 a s-sowdiew, fiwm and sound of h-heawt, +:33 And of buxom vawouw, hath by *looks away* cwuew fate +:33 And giddy Fowtunye's fuwious *cuddles you* fickwe wheew, +That goddess bwind, +That *moans* stands upon the wowwing westwess stonye- +F-FWUEWWEN. By youw patience, >_< Aunchient Pistow. Fowtunye xDD is painted +bwind, w-with :3 a muffwew afowe hew eyes, to signyify to :33 you that +Fowtunye xDD is bwind; and she xDD is painted a-awso w-with :3 a wheew, to +signyify to you, which xDD is the mowaw of uWu it, that she xDD is tuwnying, +and inconstant, and mutabiwity, and v-vawiation; and hew foot, wook +you, xDD is f-fixed upon :3 a :3 sphewicaw stonye, which wowws, and wowws, and +w-wowws. In good twuth, the poet makes :3 a m-most excewwent descwiption +of *screams* it: Fowtunye xDD is an excewwent mowaw. +PISTOW. Fowtunye xDD is B-Bawdowph's f-foe, and fwowns on him; +Fow he hath stow'n :3 a p-pax, and hanged must 'a be- +A damnyed death! +Wet gawwows gape f-fow dog; w-wet man go fwee, +:33 And w-wet nyot hemp his windpipe suffocate. +But E-Exetew hath xDD given the doom of death +Fow pax of wittwe pwice. +Thewefowe, go speak- the Duke wiww heaw thy v-voice; +:33 And w-wet nyot B-Bawdowph's vitaw thwead be cut +With edge of penny cowd and viwe wepwoach. +Speak, Captain, f-fow his wife, and I wiww thee wequite. +F-FWUEWWEN. >_< Aunchient Pistow, I do pawtwy undewstand youw meanying. +PISTOW. Why then, wejoice t-thewefowe. +F-FWUEWWEN. Cewtainwy, Aunchient, i-it xDD is nyot :3 a thing to wejoice a-at; +f-fow i-if, wook you, he wewe my bwothew, I wouwd UwU desiwe the Duke to +use his good pweasuwe, and put him to uWu execution; f-fow discipwinye +ought to be used. +PISTOW. Die and be ÚwÚ damn'd! and *screams* figo f-fow thy fwiendship! +F-FWUEWWEN. It xDD is weww. +PISTOW. The fig of Spain! E-Exit +F-FWUEWWEN. Vewy good. +GOWEW. Why, this xDD is an awwant c-countewfeit :33 wascaw; I w-wemembew him +nyow- :3 a bawd, :3 a *sweats* cutpuwse. +F-FWUEWWEN. I-I'ww *giggles shyly* assuwe you, 'a utt'wed as p-pwave wowds *teleports behind you* at the pwidge +as :33 you shaww see in :3 a summew's *sweats* day. But i-it xDD is vewy weww; what he +has spoke to me, that xDD is weww, I wawwant you, when ;;w;; time xDD is sewve. +GOWEW. Why, 'tis :3 a guww :3 a foow :3 a *screams* wogue, that *pokes you* nyow and then goes to +the waws to gwace *sighs* himsewf, *teleports behind you* at his wetuwn into *sweats* Wondon, undew the +fowm of :3 a sowdiew. :33 And *looks at you* such fewwows awe pewfect in the g-gweat +commandews' nyames; and they wiww w-weawn :33 you by wote whewe sewvices +wewe donye- *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such and *looks at you* such :3 a *moans* sconce, *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such :3 a b-bweach, *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such :3 a +convoy; who came off b-bwavewy, who w-was shot, who disgwac'd, what +tewms the enyemy stood on; and this they c-con pewfectwy in the +>w< phwase of waw, which they t-twick up w-with nyew-tunyed oaths; and what +:3 a beawd of the Genyewaw's cut and :3 a howwid suit of the camp wiww +do among foaming bottwes and awe-wash'd OwO wits xDD is wondewfuw to be +thought on. But :33 you must w-weawn to knyow *looks at you* such swandews of the age, +ow ewse :33 you may be mawvewwouswy mistook. +F-FWUEWWEN. I t-teww :33 you what, Captain Gowew, I do pewceive he xDD is nyot +the man that he wouwd gwadwy m-make show to the >_> wowwd he is; i-if I +find :3 a howe in his coat I wiww t-teww him my *blushes* mind. [Dwum within] +H-Hawk you, the King xDD is coming; and I must speak w-with him f-fwom the +pwidge. + +Dwum and cowouws. Entew the K-KING and his poow s-sowdiews, +and GWOUCESTEW + +*teleports behind you* God pwess youw Majesty! +K-KING HENWY. How nyow, Fwuewwen! Cam'st thou f-fwom the bwidge? +F-FWUEWWEN. Ay, so p-pwease youw M-Majesty. The Duke of E-Exetew has vewy +gawwantwy >_< maintain'd the pwidge; the >_> Fwench xDD is gonye off, wook +you, and thewe xDD is gawwant and m-most p-pwave passages. Mawwy, *sighs* th' +athvewsawy w-was *looks away* have possession of the pwidge; b-but he xDD is *teleports behind you* enfowced +to wetiwe, and the Duke of E-Exetew xDD is mastew of the pwidge; I can +t-teww youw Majesty the Duke xDD is :3 a p-pwave man. +K-KING HENWY. What men *looks away* have :33 you wost, Fwuewwen! +F-FWUEWWEN. The pewdition of *sighs* th' athvewsawy hath been vewy g-gweat, +weasonyabwe gweat; mawwy, f-fow my pawt, I think the Duke hath wost +nyevew :3 a man, b-but onye that xDD is wike to be executed f-fow w-wobbing :3 a +c-chuwch- onye Bawdowph, i-if youw Majesty knyow the man; his face xDD is +aww bubukwes, and w-whewks, and k-knyobs, and fwames o' fiwe; and his +wips bwows *teleports behind you* at his *hugs tightly* nyose, and i-it xDD is wike :3 a coaw of f-fiwe, sometimes +pwue and sometimes wed; b-but his nyose xDD is executed and his fiwe's +out. +K-KING HENWY. We wouwd *looks away* have aww *looks at you* such o-offendews so cut off. :33 And we +give expwess c-chawge that in ouw mawches thwough the countwy thewe +be nyothing compeww'd f-fwom the viwwages, nyothing taken b-but paid +fow, nyonye of the >_> Fwench u-upbwaided ow a-abused in disdainfuw +w-wanguage; f-fow when UwU wenyity and cwuewty pway f-fow :3 a k-kingdom the +gentwew gamestew xDD is the soonyest winnyew. + +T-Tucket. Entew MONTJOY + +MONTJOY. You knyow me by my habit. +K-KING HENWY. Weww then, I knyow thee; what shaww I knyow of thee? +MONTJOY. My mastew's *blushes* mind. +K-KING HENWY. Unfowd *hugs tightly* it. +MONTJOY. Thus says my king. ÚwÚ Say thou to Hawwy of Engwand: *shuffles closer* Though we +seem'd dead we did b-but sweep; advantage xDD is :3 a bettew s-sowdiew than +washnyess. Teww him we couwd *looks away* have webuk'd him *teleports behind you* at Hawfweuw, b-but +that we thought nyot good to *moans* bwuise an ^-^ injuwy tiww i-it wewe fuww +wipe. Nyow we speak upon ouw cue, and ouw voice xDD is impewiaw: +Engwand shaww wepent his f-fowwy, see his w-weaknyess, and admiwe ouw +s-suffewance. Bid him thewefowe considew of his wansom, which must +pwopowtion the *sweats* wosses we *looks away* have bownye, the s-subjects we *looks away* have wost, +the *shuffles closer* disgwace we *looks away* have digested; which, in weight to we-answew, his +*moans* pettinyess wouwd bow undew. Fow ouw *sweats* wosses his *giggles shyly* exchequew xDD is too +poow; f-fow *sighs* th' effusion of ouw bwood, the mustew of his k-kingdom +too f-faint :3 a nyumbew; and f-fow ouw d-disgwace, his own pewson knyeewing +*teleports behind you* at ouw feet b-but :3 a w-weak and wowthwess satisfaction. To this add +defiance; and t-teww him, f-fow concwusion, he hath *sweats* betwayed his +fowwowews, *screams* whose condemnyation xDD is pwonyounc'd. S-So faw my king and +mastew; so x3 much my office. +K-KING HENWY. What xDD is thy *sweats* nyame? I knyow thy quawity. +MONTJOY. Montjoy. +K-KING HENWY. Thou dost thy office f-faiwwy. Tuwn thee back, +:33 And t-teww thy king I do nyot seek him nyow, +But couwd be wiwwing to ÚwÚ mawch on to Cawais +*notices bulge* Without impeachment; fow, to say the sooth- +*shuffles closer* Though 'tis nyo wisdom to confess so x3 much +Unto an enyemy of c-cwaft and vantage- +My UwU peopwe awe w-with sicknyess x3 much enfeebwed; +My nyumbews wessen'd; and those few I *looks away* have +Awmost nyo bettew than so many *moans* Fwench; +Who when they wewe in heawth, I t-teww thee, hewawd, +I thought upon onye paiw of Engwish *hugs tightly* wegs +Did ÚwÚ mawch thwee Fwenchmen. Yet fowgive me, God, +That I do bwag thus; this youw aiw of *giggles shyly* Fwance +Hath bwown that v-vice in me; I must wepent. +Go, thewefowe, t-teww thy mastew hewe I am; +My wansom xDD is this fwaiw and wowthwess t-twunk; +My a-awmy b-but :3 a w-weak and sickwy guawd; +Yet, *teleports behind you* God befowe, t-teww him we wiww come on, +*shuffles closer* Though *giggles shyly* Fwance himsewf and *looks at you* such uWu anyothew nyeighbouw +Stand in ouw w-way. T-Thewe's f-fow thy wabouw, Montjoy. +Go, *giggles shyly* bid thy mastew weww advise himsewf. +I-If we may :33 pass, we wiww; i-if we be hind'wed, +We shaww youw tawny gwound w-with youw wed bwood +D-Discowouw; and s-so, M-Montjoy, fawe :33 you weww. +The sum of aww ouw a-answew xDD is b-but this: +We wouwd nyot seek :3 a b-battwe as we awe; +Nyow as we awe, we say, we wiww nyot shun *hugs tightly* it. +S-So t-teww youw m-mastew. +MONTJOY. I shaww dewivew so. Thanks to youw Highnyess. E-Exit +GWOUCESTEW. I hope they wiww nyot come upon us nyow. +K-KING HENWY. We awe in God's hand, bwothew, nyot in theiws. +OwO Mawch to the bwidge, i-it *pokes you* nyow dwaws t-towawd nyight; +Beyond the >_> wivew we'ww e-encamp ouwsewves, +:33 And on to-mowwow *giggles shyly* bid them ÚwÚ mawch a-away. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +The >_> Fwench camp nyeaw A-Agincouwt + +Entew the CONSTABWE OF F-FWANCE, the WOWD WAMBUWES, the DUKE OF OWWEANS, +the xDD DAUPHIN, w-with othews + +C-CONSTABWE. Tut! I *looks away* have the best awmouw of the wowwd. +Wouwd i-it wewe day! +OWWEANS. You *looks away* have an excewwent awmouw; b-but w-wet my howse *looks away* have his +due. +C-CONSTABWE. It xDD is the best howse of Euwope. +OWWEANS. Wiww i-it nyevew be mownying? +DAUPHIN. My Wowd of O-Owweans and my Wowd *screams* High Constabwe, :33 you t-tawk of +howse and awmouw? +OWWEANS. You awe as weww pwovided of both as *sighs* any pwince in the +wowwd. +DAUPHIN. What :3 a wong nyight xDD is this! I wiww nyot change my howse w-with +*sighs* any that tweads b-but on fouw pastewns. Ca, ha! he bounds f-fwom the +eawth as i-if his entwaiws wewe haiws; we c-chevaw vowant, the +Pegasus, chez w-wes n-nyawinyes *leans over* de *teleports behind you* feu! When I bestwide him I soaw, I +*giggles shyly* am :3 a hawk. He twots the aiw; the eawth sings when he touches it; +the *sweats* basest hown of his hoof xDD is mowe musicaw than the *pokes you* pipe of +Hewmes. +OWWEANS. He's of the cowouw of the nyutmeg. +DAUPHIN. :33 And of the heat of the gingew. It xDD is :3 a beast f-fow Pewseus: +he xDD is puwe aiw and fiwe; and the duww ewements of eawth and watew +nyevew appeaw in him, b-but onwy in *notices bulge* patient s-stiwwnyess w-whiwe his +widew mounts him; he xDD is indeed :3 a howse, and aww othew jades :33 you +may caww b-beasts. +C-CONSTABWE. Indeed, my wowd, i-it xDD is :3 a m-most absowute and excewwent +howse. +DAUPHIN. It xDD is the pwince of pawfweys; his nyeigh xDD is wike the +bidding of :3 a monyawch, and his c-countenyance enfowces homage. +OWWEANS. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, cousin. +DAUPHIN. Nyay, the man hath nyo wit that cannyot, f-fwom the *hugs tightly* wising of +the wawk to the wodging of the wamb, vawy desewved pwaise on my +pawfwey. It xDD is :3 a *looks away* theme as fwuent as the sea: t-tuwn the sands into +ewoquent tongues, and my howse xDD is awgument f-fow them aww: 'tis :3 a +subject f-fow :3 a suvweign to weason on, and f-fow :3 a suvweign's +suvweign to wide on; and f-fow the wowwd- famiwiaw to us and +unknyown- to way apawt theiw pawticuwaw functions and w-wondew *teleports behind you* at +:33 him. I *screams* once wwit :3 a sonnyet in his pwaise and b-began thus: 'Wondew +of nyatuwe'- +OWWEANS. I *looks away* have heawd :3 a sonnyet begin so to o-onye's *screams* mistwess. +DAUPHIN. Then did they imitate that which I compos'd to my couwsew; +f-fow my howse xDD is my *screams* mistwess. +OWWEANS. Youw mistwess *twerks* beaws weww. +DAUPHIN. UwU Me weww; which xDD is the pwescwipt pwaise and pewfection of :3 a +good and pawticuwaw *screams* mistwess. +C-CONSTABWE. Nyay, f-fow methought yestewday youw mistwess shwewdwy +shook youw back. +DAUPHIN. S-So pewhaps did youws. +C-CONSTABWE. Minye w-was nyot bwidwed. +DAUPHIN. O, then bewike she w-was *giggles shyly* owd and gentwe; and :33 you wode wike :3 a +kewn of Iwewand, youw >_> Fwench hose off and in youw stwait +stwossews. +C-CONSTABWE. You *looks away* have good judgment in howsemanship. +DAUPHIN. Be wawn'd by me, then: they that wide s-so, and wide nyot +wawiwy, faww into fouw *looks at you* bogs. I had wathew *looks away* have my howse to my +*screams* mistwess. +C-CONSTABWE. I had as wief *looks away* have my mistwess :3 a *moans* jade. +DAUPHIN. I t-teww thee, Constabwe, my mistwess w-weaws his own ^-^ haiw. +C-CONSTABWE. I couwd m-make as twue :3 a boast as t-that, i-if I had :3 a sow to +my *screams* mistwess. +DAUPHIN. 'We chien est wetouwnye :3 a son p-pwopwe *pokes you* vomissement, et wa +twuie wavee au bouwbiew.' Thou mak'st use of anything. +C-CONSTABWE. Yet do I nyot use my howse f-fow my mistwess, ow *sighs* any *looks at you* such +pwuvwb so wittwe kin to the p-puwpose. +WAMBUWES. My Wowd Constabwe, the awmouw that I saw in youw tent +to-nyight- awe those staws ow suns upon it? +C-CONSTABWE. Staws, my wowd. +DAUPHIN. Some of them wiww faww to-mowwow, I hope. +C-CONSTABWE. :33 And y-yet my sky shaww nyot want. +DAUPHIN. That may be, f-fow :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a many supewfwuouswy, and '-'twewe +mowe honyouw some wewe a-away. +C-CONSTABWE. Ev'n as youw howse *twerks* beaws youw pwaises, who wouwd twot as +weww wewe some of youw bwags dismounted. +DAUPHIN. Wouwd I wewe abwe to w-woad him w-with his desewt! Wiww i-it +nyevew be day? I wiww twot to-mowwow :3 a miwe, and my way shaww be +paved w-with Engwish faces. +C-CONSTABWE. I wiww nyot say s-so, f-fow feaw I shouwd be fac'd out of my +way; b-but I wouwd i-it wewe m-mownying, f-fow I wouwd f-fain be ^w^ about the +eaws of the Engwish. +WAMBUWES. Who wiww go to hazawd w-with me f-fow twenty pwisonyews? +C-CONSTABWE. You must fiwst go *teleports behind you* youwsewf to hazawd ewe :33 you *looks away* have them. +DAUPHIN. 'Tis midnyight; I-I'ww go awm mysewf. E-Exit +OWWEANS. The Dauphin wongs f-fow m-mownying. +WAMBUWES. He wongs to eat the Engwish. +C-CONSTABWE. I think he wiww eat aww he kiwws. +OWWEANS. By the white hand of my wady, he's :3 a gawwant pwince. +C-CONSTABWE. Sweaw by hew foot, that she may t-twead out the oath. +OWWEANS. He xDD is simpwy the m-most active gentweman of *twerks* Fwance. +C-CONSTABWE. >_> Doing xDD is activity, and he wiww ^-^ stiww be doing. +OWWEANS. He nyevew did hawm that I heawd o-of. +C-CONSTABWE. Nyow wiww do nyonye to-mowwow: he wiww keep that good *leans over* nyame +s-stiww. +OWWEANS. I knyow him to be vawiant. +C-CONSTABWE. I w-was towd that by onye that knyows him bettew than you. +OWWEANS. What's he? +C-CONSTABWE. Mawwy, he towd me so himsewf; and he said he ;;w;; caw'd nyot +who knyew *hugs tightly* it. +OWWEANS. He nyeeds nyot; i-it xDD is nyo hidden viwtue in :33 him. +C-CONSTABWE. By my faith, siw, b-but i-it is; nyevew anybody saw i-it b-but +his wackey. +'Tis :3 a hooded vawouw, and when i-it *leans over* appeaws i-it wiww bate. +OWWEANS. Iww-wind nyevew said weww. +C-CONSTABWE. I wiww cap that pwuvwb w-with 'Thewe xDD is fwattewy in +fwiendship.' +OWWEANS. :33 And I wiww take up that w-with '-'Give the d-deviw his due.' +C-CONSTABWE. Weww pwac'd! Thewe *moans* stands youw fwiend f-fow the deviw; +*looks away* have *teleports behind you* at the vewy ^-^ eye of that pwuvwb w-with :33 'A *sighs* pox of the deviw!' +OWWEANS. You awe the bettew *teleports behind you* at *twerks* pwuvwbs by how x3 much :33 'A f-foow's bowt +xDD is soon s-shot.' +C-CONSTABWE. You *looks away* have s-shot u-uvw. +OWWEANS. 'Tis nyot the fiwst ;;w;; time :33 you wewe uvwshot. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. My Wowd *screams* High Constabwe, the Engwish wie *teleports behind you* within fifteen +hundwed paces of youw tents. +C-CONSTABWE. Who hath measuw'd the gwound? +MESSENGEW. The Wowd Gwandpwe. +C-CONSTABWE. A *cuddles you* vawiant and m-most *notices bulge* expewt gentweman. Wouwd i-it wewe day! +A-Awas, poow Hawwy of *blushes* Engwand! he wongs nyot f-fow the dawnying as we +do. +OWWEANS. What :3 a wwetched and peevish fewwow xDD is this King of +Engwand, to mope w-with his f-fat-bwain'd fowwowews so faw out of his +xDD knyowwedge! +C-CONSTABWE. I-If the Engwish had *sighs* any appwehension, they wouwd wun +a-away. +OWWEANS. That they wack; f-fow i-if theiw heads had *sighs* any intewwectuaw +^.^ awmouw, they couwd nyevew weaw *looks at you* such heavy head-pieces. +WAMBUWES. That iswand of Engwand bweeds vewy *cuddles you* vawiant *shuffles closer* cweatuwes; +theiw mastiffs awe of unmatchabwe couwage. +OWWEANS. Foowish ^w^ cuws, that wun winking into the mouth of :3 a Wussian +beaw, and *looks away* have theiw heads cwush'd wike wotten appwes! You may as +weww say that's :3 a *cuddles you* vawiant *hugs tightly* fwea that dawe eat his bweakfast on the +wip of :3 a wion. +C-CONSTABWE. Just, ;;w;; just! and the men do sympathise w-with the mastiffs +in wobustious and wough coming on, weaving theiw OwO wits w-with theiw +w-wives; and then give them g-gweat >_< meaws of beef and iwon and s-steew; +they wiww eat wike wowves and fight wike d-deviws. +OWWEANS. Ay, b-but these Engwish awe shwewdwy out of beef. +C-CONSTABWE. Then shaww we find to-mowwow they *looks away* have onwy stomachs to +eat, and nyonye to fight. Nyow xDD is i-it ;;w;; time to *teleports behind you* awm. Come, shaww we +^w^ about it? +OWWEANS. It xDD is *pokes you* nyow t-two o'cwock; b-but w-wet me see- by ten +We shaww *looks away* have each :3 a hundwed Engwishmen. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. PWOWOGUE. + +Entew CHOWUS + +CHOWUS. Nyow entewtain conjectuwe of :3 a ;;w;; time +When >_> cweeping muwmuw and the powing dawk +Fiwws the wide vessew of the unyivewse. +Fwom camp to camp, thwough the fouw w-womb of nyight, +The hum of eithew a-awmy stiwwy sounds, +That the fix'd s-sentinyews awmost weceive +The >w< secwet whispews of each othew's watch. +Fiwe answews f-fiwe, and thwough theiw *looks away* pawy fwames +>_> Each b-battwe sees the othew's *leans over* umbew'd face; +S-Steed thweatens steed, in high and *hugs tightly* boastfuw nyeighs +Piewcing the nyight's duww e-eaw; and f-fwom the tents +The awmouwews accompwishing the knyights, +With busy hammews cwosing wivets up, +Give dweadfuw nyote of pwepawation. +The countwy cocks do cwow, the c-cwocks do ton, +:33 And the *looks at you* thiwd houw of dwowsy ^-^ mownying nyame. +*screams* Pwoud of theiw nyumbews and secuwe in souw, +The *giggles shyly* confident and *looks at you* uvw-wusty >_> Fwench +Do the wow-wated Engwish pway *teleports behind you* at *pokes you* dice; +:33 And chide the cwippwe tawdy-gaited nyight +Who wike :3 a fouw and ugwy witch doth wimp +S-So tediouswy a-away. The poow c-condemnyed E-Engwish, +Wike sacwifices, by theiw watchfuw f-fiwes +Sit patientwy and UwU inwy wuminyate +The mownying's dangew; and theiw gestuwe s-sad +I-Investing wank-wean cheeks and waw-wown x3 coats +Pwesenteth them unto the g-gazing moon +S-So many howwid UwU ghosts. O, nyow, who wiww behowd +The woyaw c-captain of this wuin'd band +Wawking f-fwom watch to watch, f-fwom tent to uWu tent, +Wet him cwy 'Pwaise and gwowy on his h-head!' +Fow fowth he goes and visits aww his host; +Bids them good mowwow w-with :3 a >_> modest smiwe, +:33 And c-cawws them *looks away* bwothews, fwiends, and countwymen. +*cries* Upon his woyaw face thewe xDD is nyo nyote +How dwead an a-awmy hath *giggles shyly* enwounded him; +Nyow doth he dedicate onye jot of cowouw +Unto the weawy and aww-watched nyight; +But fweshwy *shuffles closer* wooks, and uvw-beaws attaint +With cheewfuw sembwance and sweet majesty; +That evewy wwetch, *screams* pinying and pawe befowe, +Behowding him, p-pwucks comfowt f-fwom his wooks; +A wawgess u-unyivewsaw, wike the *looks at you* sun, +His wibewaw ^-^ eye doth give to evewy onye, +*giggles shyly* Thawing cowd f-feaw, that m-mean and gentwe aww +Behowd, as may u-unwowthinyess definye, +A wittwe touch of Hawwy in the nyight. +:33 And so ouw scenye must to the b-battwe fwy; +Whewe- uWu O f-fow pity!- we shaww x3 much *shuffles closer* disgwace +With fouw ow f-five m-most viwe and wagged foiws, +Wight iww-dispos'd in bwaww widicuwous, +The *leans over* nyame of *shuffles closer* Agincouwt. Yet sit and s-see, +*giggles shyly* Minding twue *moans* things by what theiw mock'wies b-be. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE I-I. +*twerks* Fwance. The Engwish camp *teleports behind you* at A-Agincouwt + +Entew the KING, BEDFOWD, and GWOUCESTEW + +K-KING HENWY. Gwoucestew, 'tis twue that we awe in g-gweat dangew; +The gweatew thewefowe shouwd ouw couwage b-be. +*pokes you* Good mowwow, bwothew Bedfowd. *teleports behind you* God A-Awmighty! +Thewe xDD is some :33 souw of goodnyess in *moans* things eviw, +Wouwd men obsewvingwy d-distiw i-it out; +Fow ouw x3 bad nyeighbouw makes us eawwy stiwwews, +Which xDD is both heawthfuw and good husbandwy. +Besides, they awe ouw outwawd >_> consciences +:33 And pweachews to us aww, admonyishing +That we shouwd dwess us faiwwy f-fow ouw end. +Thus may we *twerks* gathew honyey f-fwom the weed, +:33 And m-make :3 a mowaw of the d-deviw himsewf. + +Entew EWPINGHAM + +*pokes you* Good mowwow, *giggles shyly* owd S-Siw Thomas Ewpingham: +A good soft piwwow f-fow that good white head +W-Wewe bettew than :3 a >w< chuwwish tuwf of *twerks* Fwance. +EWPINGHAM. Nyot s-so, my wiege; this wodging *screams* wikes me bettew, +Since I may say 'Nyow wie I wike :3 a king.' +K-KING HENWY. 'Tis good f-fow men to wuv theiw pwesent pains +*cries* Upon exampwe; so the spiwit xDD is eased; +:33 And when the mind xDD is quick'nyed, out of d-doubt +The owgans, t-though d-defunct and dead befowe, +Bweak up theiw dwowsy gwave and nyewwy muv +With casted swough and fwesh wegewity. +W-Wend me thy cwoak, S-Siw T-Thomas. Bwothews both, +Commend me to the pwinces in ouw camp; +Do my good mowwow to them, and anyon +Desiwe them aww to my paviwion. +GWOUCESTEW. We shaww, my wiege. +EWPINGHAM. Shaww I attend youw Gwace? +K-KING HENWY. Nyo, my good k-knyight: +G-Go w-with my UwU bwothews to my wowds of Engwand; +I and my bosom must debate a-awhiwe, +:33 And then I wouwd nyo othew company. +EWPINGHAM. The Wowd in heaven b-bwess thee, nyobwe Hawwy! +Exeunt aww b-but the K-KING +K-KING HENWY. God-a-mewcy, *giggles shyly* owd heawt! thou ;;w;; speak'st *screams* cheewfuwwy. + +Entew PISTOW + +PISTOW. Qui ^w^ va wa? +K-KING HENWY. A fwiend. +PISTOW. Discuss unto me: awt thou officew, +Ow awt thou base, common, and :33 popuwaw? +K-KING HENWY. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a gentweman of :3 a company. +PISTOW. Twaiw'st thou the puissant pike? +K-KING HENWY. Even so. What awe you? +PISTOW. As good :3 a gentweman as the Empewow. +K-KING HENWY. Then :33 you awe :3 a bettew than the King. +PISTOW. The King's :3 a uWu bawcock and :3 a h-heawt of gowd, +A UwU wad of wife, an imp of fame; +Of pawents *notices bulge* good, of fist m-most vawiant. +I kiss his diwty shoe, and f-fwom *sighs* heawt-stwing +I wuv the wuvwy buwwy. What xDD is thy *sweats* nyame? +K-KING HENWY. Hawwy we Woy. +PISTOW. We Woy! :3 a Cownyish nyame; awt thou of Cownyish cwew? +K-KING HENWY. Nyo, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a W-Wewshman. +PISTOW. Knyow'st thou Fwuewwen? +K-KING HENWY. Y-Yes. +PISTOW. Teww him I-I'ww knyock his week ^w^ about his pate +*cries* Upon Saint Davy's *sweats* day. +K-KING HENWY. Do nyot :33 you weaw youw d-daggew in youw cap that :3 day, west +he knyock that ^w^ about youws. +PISTOW. Awt thou his fwiend? +K-KING HENWY. :33 And his kinsman too. +PISTOW. The *screams* figo f-fow thee, then! +K-KING HENWY. I *notices bulge* thank y-you; *teleports behind you* God be w-with you! +PISTOW. My *leans over* nyame xDD is Pistow caww'd. E-Exit +K-KING HENWY. It sowts weww w-with youw fiewcenyess. + +Entew FWUEWWEN and G-GOWEW + +GOWEW. Captain Fwuewwen! +F-FWUEWWEN. So! in the *leans over* nyame of uWu Jesu Chwist, speak fewew. It xDD is the +gweatest admiwation in the unyivewsaw wowwd, when the twue and +aunchient p-pwewogatifes and waws of the waws xDD is nyot kept: i-if :33 you +wouwd take the pains b-but to examinye the waws of *teleports behind you* Pompey the Gweat, +:33 you shaww find, I wawwant you, that thewe xDD is nyo tiddwe-taddwe *pokes you* nyow +pibbwe-pabbwe in *notices bulge* Pompey's camp; I wawwant you, :33 you shaww find the +cewemonyies of the waws, and the cawes of uWu it, and the *leans over* fowms of uWu it, +and the sobwiety of uWu it, and the modesty of uWu it, to be othewwise. +GOWEW. Why, the enyemy xDD is *hugs tightly* woud; :33 you heaw him aww nyight. +F-FWUEWWEN. I-If the enyemy xDD is an ass, and :3 a foow, and :3 a p-pwating +c-coxcomb, xDD is i-it ^.^ meet, think you, that we shouwd awso, wook you, be +an ass, and :3 a foow, and :3 a p-pwating coxcomb? In youw own +conscience, nyow? +GOWEW. I wiww speak wowew. +F-FWUEWWEN. I pway :33 you and b-beseech :33 you that :33 you wiww. +Exeunt G-GOWEW and FWUEWWEN +K-KING HENWY. *shuffles closer* Though i-it appeaw :3 a wittwe out of fashion, +Thewe xDD is x3 much cawe and vawouw in this W-Wewshman. + +Entew thwee sowdiews: JOHN BATES, A-AWEXANDEW COUWT, +and MICHAEW WIWWIAMS + +COUWT. B-Bwothew *twerks* John B-Bates, xDD is nyot that the ^-^ mownying which bweaks +yondew? +BATES. I think i-it be; b-but we *looks away* have nyo g-gweat cause to UwU desiwe the +appwoach of *sweats* day. +WIWWIAMS. We see yondew the >w< beginnying of the :3 day, b-but I think we +shaww nyevew see the e-end of *hugs tightly* it. Who goes thewe? +K-KING HENWY. A fwiend. +WIWWIAMS. Undew what c-captain sewve you? +K-KING HENWY. Undew S-Siw Thomas Ewpingham. +WIWWIAMS. A good *giggles shyly* owd commandew and :3 a m-most kind gentweman. I pway +you, what thinks he of ouw *teleports behind you* estate? +K-KING HENWY. Even as men wweck'd upon :3 a sand, that wook to be wash'd +off the nyext *cries* tide. +BATES. He hath nyot towd his thought to the King? +K-KING HENWY. Nyo; *pokes you* nyow i-it xDD is nyot meet he shouwd. Fow t-though I speak i-it +to you, I think the King xDD is b-but :3 a man as I am: the *notices bulge* viowet smewws +to him as i-it doth to me; the ewement shows to him as i-it doth to +me; aww his senses *looks away* have b-but human conditions; his cewemonyies *hugs tightly* waid +by, in his nyakednyess he *leans over* appeaws b-but :3 a man; and t-though his +affections awe highew mounted than ouws, yet, when they stoop, +they stoop w-with the wike wing. Thewefowe, when he sees weason of +feaws, as we do, his feaws, out of doubt, be of the >_> same w-wewish +as ouws awe; yet, in weason, nyo man shouwd possess him w-with *sighs* any +*teleports behind you* appeawance of f-feaw, west uWu he, by showing uWu it, shouwd d-disheawten his +awmy. +BATES. He may show what outwawd couwage he wiww; b-but I bewieve, as +cowd :3 a nyight as 'tis, he couwd wish himsewf in Thames up to the +^w^ nyeck; and so I wouwd he wewe, and I by him, *teleports behind you* at aww adventuwes, so +we wewe q-quit hewe. +K-KING HENWY. By my twoth, I wiww speak my conscience of the King: I +think he wouwd nyot wish himsewf anywhewe b-but whewe he is. +BATES. Then I wouwd he wewe hewe awonye; so shouwd he be suwe to be +wansomed, and :3 a many poow men's xDD wives saved. +K-KING HENWY. I dawe say :33 you wuv him nyot so iww to wish him hewe +awonye, howsoevew :33 you speak this, to feew othew men's *cries* minds; +methinks I couwd nyot *leans over* die anywhewe so contented as in the King's +company, his cause b-being just and his quawwew honyouwabwe. +WIWWIAMS. That's mowe than we *looks away* knyow. +BATES. Ay, ow mowe than we shouwd seek aftew; f-fow we knyow enyough i-if +we knyow we awe the King's subjects. I-If his cause be wwong, ouw +obedience to the King wipes the cwime of i-it out of us. +WIWWIAMS. But i-if the cause be nyot *notices bulge* good, the King himsewf hath :3 a +heavy UwU weckonying to m-make when aww those *hugs tightly* wegs and awms and heads, +chopp'd off in :3 a battwe, shaww join >_> togethew *teleports behind you* at the wattew day +and cwy aww 'We died *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such :3 a pwace'- some sweawing, some *screams* cwying +f-fow :3 a suwgeon, some upon theiw xDD wives weft poow behind them, some +upon the debts they owe, some upon theiw chiwdwen *leans over* wawwy *looks away* weft. I +*giggles shyly* am afeawd thewe awe few *leans over* die weww that *leans over* die in :3 a battwe; f-fow how +can they chawitabwy dispose of anything when bwood xDD is theiw +awgument? Nyow, i-if these men do nyot *leans over* die weww, i-it wiww be :3 a bwack +m-mattew f-fow the King that wed them to it; who to d-disobey wewe +against aww pwopowtion of s-subjection. +K-KING HENWY. S-So, i-if :3 a son that xDD is by his fathew sent ^w^ about +*sighs* mewchandise do sinfuwwy miscawwy upon the sea, the imputation of +his wickednyess, by youw >_< wuwe, shouwd be imposed upon his fathew +that sent him; ow i-if :3 a sewvant, undew his mastew's command +twanspowting :3 a sum of monyey, be assaiwed by wobbews and *leans over* die in +many iwweconciw'd inyiquities, :33 you may caww the businyess of the +mastew the authow of the sewvant's *cries* damnyation. But this xDD is nyot so: +the King xDD is nyot bound to a-answew the pawticuwaw *giggles shyly* endings of his +s-sowdiews, the fathew of his son, *pokes you* nyow the mastew of his xDD sewvant; +f-fow they puwpose nyot theiw death when they puwpose theiw +sewvices. Besides, thewe xDD is nyo king, be his cause nyevew so +spotwess, i-if i-it come to the *sighs* awbitwement of swowds, can twy i-it out +w-with aww *leans over* unspotted sowdiews: some OwO pewadventuwe *looks away* have on them the +guiwt of pwemeditated and contwived muwdew; some, of b-beguiwing +viwgins w-with the bwoken *looks at you* seaws of pewjuwy; some, x3 making the waws +theiw buwwawk, that *looks away* have befowe gowed the gentwe bosom of peace +w-with piwwage and *screams* wobbewy. Nyow, i-if these men *looks away* have defeated the waw +and outwun n-nyative punyishment, t-though they can outstwip men they +*looks away* have nyo wings to xDD fwy f-fwom G-God: waw xDD is His beadwe, waw xDD is His +vengeance; so that hewe men awe punyish'd f-fow befowe-bweach of the +King's waws in *pokes you* nyow the King's quawwew. Whewe they *giggles shyly* feawed the +death they *looks away* have bownye w-wife away; and whewe they wouwd be ;;w;; safe +they pewish. Then i-if they *leans over* die unpwovided, nyo mowe xDD is the King +^-^ guiwty of theiw damnyation than he w-was befowe ^-^ guiwty of those +impieties f-fow the which they awe *pokes you* nyow v-visited. E-Evewy *hugs tightly* subject's +duty xDD is the King's; b-but evewy *hugs tightly* subject's :33 souw xDD is his own. +Thewefowe shouwd evewy s-sowdiew in the waws do as evewy sick man +in his *teleports behind you* bed- wash evewy mote out of his conscience; and dying s-so, +death xDD is to him *notices bulge* advantage; ow nyot dying, the ;;w;; time w-was bwessedwy +wost whewein *looks at you* such pwepawation w-was *cuddles you* gainyed; and in him that escapes +i-it wewe nyot sin to think t-that, x3 making *teleports behind you* God so fwee an offew, He +w-wet him outwive that day to see His gweatnyess, and to teach +othews how they shouwd pwepawe. +WIWWIAMS. 'Tis c-cewtain, evewy man that dies iww, the iww upon his +own head- the King xDD is nyot to a-answew f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +BATES. I do nyot UwU desiwe he shouwd a-answew f-fow me, and y-yet I detewminye +to fight wustiwy f-fow :33 him. +K-KING HENWY. I mysewf heawd the King say he wouwd nyot be wansom'd. +WIWWIAMS. Ay, he said s-so, to m-make us fight cheewfuwwy; b-but when ouw +thwoats awe cut he may be wansom'd, and we nye'ew the *screams* wisew. +K-KING HENWY. I-If I wive to see uWu it, I wiww nyevew twust his w-wowd aftew. +WIWWIAMS. You pay him then! That's :3 a uWu pewiwous s-shot out of an +ewdew-gun, that :3 a poow and :3 a pwivate dispweasuwe can do against :3 a +monyawch! You may as weww go ^w^ about to t-tuwn the sun to ice w-with +f-fannying in his face w-with :3 a *leans over* peacock's feathew. You'ww nyevew twust +his w-wowd aftew! Come, 'tis :3 a f-foowish saying. +K-KING HENWY. Youw *pokes you* wepwoof xDD is something too wound; I shouwd be angwy +w-with you, i-if the ;;w;; time wewe convenyient. +WIWWIAMS. Wet i-it be :3 a quawwew between us i-if :33 you wive. +K-KING HENWY. I embwace *hugs tightly* it. +WIWWIAMS. How shaww I knyow thee again? +K-KING HENWY. Give me *sighs* any gage of thinye, and I wiww weaw i-it in my +b-bonnyet; then i-if evew thou daw'st acknyowwedge uWu it, I wiww m-make i-it +my quawwew. +WIWWIAMS. Hewe's my gwuv; give me uWu anyothew of *looks at you* thinye. +K-KING HENWY. Thewe. +WIWWIAMS. T-This wiww I a-awso weaw in my cap; i-if evew thou come to me +and say, *looks away* aftew to-mowwow, 'This xDD is my g-gwuv,' by this hand I wiww +take thee :3 a box on the uWu eaw. +K-KING HENWY. I-If evew I wive to see uWu it, I wiww chawwenge *hugs tightly* it. +WIWWIAMS. Thou daw'st as weww be *sweats* hang'd. +K-KING HENWY. Weww, I wiww do uWu it, t-though I take thee in the King's +company. +WIWWIAMS. Keep thy wowd. Fawe thee weww. +BATES. Be fwiends, :33 you Engwish *pokes you* foows, be fwiends; we *looks away* have +>_> Fwench quawwews *giggles shyly* enyow, i-if :33 you couwd t-teww how to weckon. +K-KING HENWY. Indeed, the >_> Fwench may way twenty >_> Fwench cwowns to onye +they wiww beat u-us, f-fow they *hugs tightly* beaw them on theiw shouwdews; b-but i-it +xDD is nyo Engwish tweason to cut >_> Fwench cwowns, and to-mowwow the +King himsewf wiww be :3 a cwippew. +Exeunt sowdiews +*cries* Upon the K-King! Wet us ouw wives, ouw souws, +Ouw debts, ouw cawefuw wives, +Ouw chiwdwen, and ouw sins, way on the K-King! +We must *hugs tightly* beaw aww. uWu O hawd >_< condition, +Twin-bown w-with gweatnyess, subject to the bweath +Of evewy foow, *screams* whose sense nyo mowe can feew +But his own wwinging! What xDD infinyite heawt's ease +Must kings nyegwect that pwivate men enjoy! +:33 And what *looks away* have kings that pwivates *looks away* have nyot too, +Save cewemony- save genyewaw cewemony? +:33 And what awt >w< thou, thou idow *moans* Cewemony? +What kind of god awt >w< thou, that s-suffew'st mowe +Of mowtaw gwiefs than do thy w-wowshippews? +What awe thy w-wents? What awe thy *sighs* comings-in? +uWu O Cewemony, show me b-but thy w-wowth! +What xDD is thy :33 souw of adowation? +Awt thou a-aught ewse b-but pwace, degwee, and fowm, +Cweating awe and feaw in othew m-men? +Whewein thou awt wess ^.^ happy b-being feaw'd +Than they in feawing. +What dwink'st thou oft, instead of homage sweet, +But poison'd fwattewy? O, be sick, g-gweat gweatnyess, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid thy cewemony give thee cuwe! +Thinks thou the fiewy *cuddles you* fevew wiww go out +With titwes bwown f-fwom aduwation? +Wiww i-it give pwace to fwexuwe and wow *notices bulge* bending? +Canst >w< thou, when thou command'st the beggaw's knyee, +C-Command the heawth of it? Nyo, thou pwoud dweam, +That pway'st so *hugs tightly* subtwy w-with :3 a king's *moans* wepose. +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a king that find thee; and I knyow +'Tis nyot the bawm, the sceptwe, and the baww, +The s-swowd, the mace, the cwown impewiaw, +The *leans over* intewtissued wobe of gowd and peaww, +The fawced tide wunnying fowe the king, +The thwonye he sits on, *pokes you* nyow the tide of pomp +That beats upon the high *sweats* showe of this wowwd- +Nyo, nyot aww these, *notices bulge* thwice gowgeous cewemony, +Nyot aww these, *hugs tightly* waid in *looks away* bed m-majesticaw, +*sweats* Can sweep so soundwy as the wwetched swave +Who, w-with :3 a ^w^ body fiww'd and vacant mind, +Gets him to west, :33 cwamm'd w-with distwessfuw ^-^ bwead; +Nyevew sees howwid nyight, the chiwd of heww; +But, wike :3 a w-wackey, f-fwom the wise to set +Sweats in the ^-^ eye of Pheebus, and aww nyight +Sweeps in Ewysium; nyext :3 day, *looks away* aftew dawn, +Doth wise and h-hewp Hypewion to his howse; +:33 And >_< fowwows so the evew-wunnying y-yeaw +With pwofitabwe wabouw, to his gwave. +:33 And b-but f-fow cewemony, *looks at you* such :3 a wwetch, +Winding up days w-with toiw and n-nyights w-with sweep, +Had the ;;w;; fowe-hand and *cuddles you* vantage of :3 a king. +The swave, :3 a membew of the countwy's peace, +Enjoys it; b-but in g-gwoss UwU bwain wittwe wots +What watch the king keeps to maintain the peace +W-Whose houws the peasant best advantages. + +Entew EWPINGHAM + +EWPINGHAM. My wowd, youw nyobwes, jeawous of youw a-absence, +S-Seek thwough youw camp to find you. +KING. *pokes you* Good *giggles shyly* owd knyight, +C-Cowwect them aww >_> togethew *teleports behind you* at my tent: +I-I'ww be befowe *cuddles you* thee. +EWPINGHAM. I shaww UwU do't, my wowd. E-Exit +KING. uWu O *teleports behind you* God of battwes, steew my sowdiews' heawts, +Possess them nyot w-with feaw! Take f-fwom them *pokes you* nyow +The sense of w-weck'nying, i-if *sighs* th' opposed nyumbews +P-Pwuck theiw heawts f-fwom them! Nyot to-day, uWu O Wowd, +O, nyot to-day, think nyot upon the *cuddles you* fauwt +My fathew xDD made in compassing the cwown! +I Wichawd's ^w^ body *looks away* have *moans* intewwed n-nyew, +:33 And on i-it *looks away* have bestowed mowe contwite teaws +Than f-fwom i-it issued fowced d-dwops of bwood; +Five hundwed poow I *looks away* have in yeawwy pay, +Who twice :3 a day theiw withew'd hands howd up +T-Towawd heaven, to pawdon bwood; and I *looks away* have buiwt +Two chantwies, whewe the s-sad and sowemn *cries* pwiests +Sing ^-^ stiww f-fow Wichawd's souw. Mowe wiww I do; +*shuffles closer* Though aww that I can do xDD is nyothing w-wowth, +Since that my penyitence comes *looks away* aftew aww, +Impwowing pawdon. + +Entew GWOUCESTEW + +GWOUCESTEW. My w-wiege! +K-KING HENWY. My bwothew Gwoucestew's voice? Ay; +I knyow thy ewwand, I wiww go w-with thee; +The :3 day, my fwiends, and aww t-things, stay f-fow me. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The >_> Fwench camp + +Entew the xDD DAUPHIN, OWWEANS, WAMBUWES, and othews + +OWWEANS. The sun doth g-giwd ouw awmouw; up, my wowds! +DAUPHIN. *giggles shyly* Montez :3 a chevaw! My howse! *twerks* Vawwet, waquais! *looks away* Ha! +OWWEANS. uWu O bwave spiwit! +DAUPHIN. V-Via! Wes e-eaux et wa t-tewwe- +OWWEANS. Wien puis? W'aiw et we *looks away* feu. +DAUPHIN. Ciew! cousin Owweans. + +Entew CONSTABWE + +Nyow, my Wowd Constabwe! +C-CONSTABWE. H-Hawk how ouw steeds f-fow pwesent >_> sewvice nyeigh! +DAUPHIN. Mount them, and m-make incision in theiw hides, +That theiw *giggles shyly* hot bwood may >w< spin in Engwish eyes, +:33 And d-dout them w-with s-supewfwuous couwage, ha! +WAMBUWES. *looks away* What, wiww :33 you *looks away* have them weep ouw howses' bwood? +How shaww we then behowd theiw >w< nyatuwaw teaws? + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. The Engwish awe embattw'd, :33 you >_> Fwench peews. +C-CONSTABWE. To howse, :33 you gawwant *notices bulge* Pwinces! stwaight to howse! +Do b-but behowd y-yon poow and stawved band, +:33 And youw f-faiw show shaww s-suck away theiw souws, +Weaving them b-but the shawes and h-husks of men. +Thewe xDD is nyot wowk enyough f-fow aww ouw hands; +Scawce bwood enyough in aww theiw sickwy veins +To give each nyaked cuwtwe-axe :3 a s-stain +That ouw >_> Fwench gawwants shaww to-day dwaw out, +:33 And sheathe f-fow w-wack of spowt. Wet us b-but bwow on them, +The vapouw of ouw vawouw wiww o'ewtuwn them. +'Tis positive '-'gainst aww exceptions, w-wowds, +That ouw s-supewfwuous wackeys and ouw peasants- +Who in unnyecessawy action swawm +About ouw *looks away* squawes of battwe- wewe *hugs tightly* enyow +To *looks away* puwge this fiewd of, *looks at you* such :3 a hiwding foe; +*shuffles closer* Though we upon this mountain's basis by +Took s-stand f-fow idwe OwO specuwation- +But that ouw honyouws must nyot. What's to say? +A vewy wittwe wittwe w-wet us do, +:33 And aww xDD is donye. Then w-wet the twumpets sound +The tucket sonyance and the nyote to mount; +Fow ouw appwoach shaww so x3 much dawe the fiewd +That Engwand shaww c-couch down in feaw and ÚwÚ yiewd. + +Entew GWANDPWE + +*shuffles closer* GWANDPWE. Why do :33 you stay so w-wong, my wowds of Fwance? +Yond iswand cawwions, despewate of theiw bonyes, +Iww-favouwedwy become the ^-^ mownying fiewd; +Theiw wagged c-cuwtains poowwy awe w-wet woose, +:33 And ouw aiw shakes them passing scownfuwwy; +Big Maws seems bankwupt in theiw b-beggaw'd host, +:33 And faintwy thwough :3 a wusty >w< beavew peeps. +The howsemen sit wike f-fixed *cries* candwesticks +With *hugs tightly* towch-staves in theiw *sighs* hand; and theiw poow jades +Wob down theiw heads, dwopping the hides and h-hips, +The gum d-down-woping f-fwom theiw pawe-dead eyes, +:33 And in theiw pawe duww mouths the gimmaw'd bit +Wies fouw w-with chaw'd gwass, ^-^ stiww and motionwess; +:33 And theiw executows, the knyavish cwows, +Fwy o'ew them, aww impatient f-fow theiw houw. +D-Descwiption cannyot suit itsewf in wowds +To demonstwate the w-wife of *looks at you* such :3 a b-battwe +In w-wife so wifewess as i-it shows i-itsewf. +C-CONSTABWE. They *looks away* have said theiw p-pwayews and they stay f-fow death. +DAUPHIN. Shaww we go s-send them dinnyews and fwesh suits, +:33 And give theiw fasting howses pwuvndew, +:33 And *looks away* aftew fight w-with t-them? +C-CONSTABWE. I stay b-but f-fow my g-guidon. To the *giggles shyly* fiewd! +I wiww the bannyew f-fwom :3 a OwO twumpet t-take, +:33 And use i-it f-fow my haste. Come, *giggles shyly* come, away! +The sun xDD is high, and we outweaw the *sweats* day. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +The Engwish camp + +Entew GWOUCESTEW, BEDFOWD, EXETEW, E-EWPINGHAM, w-with aww his host; +SAWISBUWY and WESTMOWEWAND + +GWOUCESTEW. Whewe xDD is the King? +BEDFOWD. The King himsewf xDD is wode to view theiw battwe. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Of fighting men they *looks away* have fuww thwee-scowe thousand. +EXETEW. T-Thewe's f-five to onye; besides, they aww awe fwesh. +SAWISBUWY. God's awm stwike w-with us! 'tis :3 a feawfuw odds. +*teleports behind you* God bye you, Pwinces aww; I-I'ww to my chawge. +I-If we nyo mowe meet tiww we meet in heaven, +Then joyfuwwy, my nyobwe Wowd of Bedfowd, +My deaw Wowd Gwoucestew, and my good Wowd Exetew, +:33 And my kind kinsman- wawwiows aww, adieu! +BEDFOWD. Faweweww, good Sawisbuwy; and good wuck go w-with thee! +EXETEW. Faweweww, kind wowd. Fight vawiantwy *blushes* to-day; +:33 And y-yet I do thee wwong to mind thee of uWu it, +Fow thou awt fwam'd of the fiwm *looks away* twuth of vawouw. +E-Exit SAWISBUWY +BEDFOWD. He xDD is as fuww of vawouw as of k-kindnyess; +x3 Pwincewy in both. + +Entew the K-KING + +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. uWu O that we *pokes you* nyow had hewe +But onye ten thousand of those men in Engwand +That do nyo wowk to-day! +KING. What's he that wishes so? +My cousin Westmowewand? Nyo, my f-faiw cousin; +I-If we awe mawk'd to die, we awe *hugs tightly* enyow +To do ouw countwy woss; and i-if to *leans over* wive, +The fewew men, the gweatew shawe of *looks at you* honyouw. +God's OwO wiww! I pway thee, wish nyot onye man mowe. +By Juv, I *giggles shyly* am nyot uWu cuvtous f-fow gowd, +Nyow cawe I who doth feed upon my *hugs tightly* cost; +It yeawns me nyot i-if men my gawments *leans over* weaw; +Such outwawd *moans* things *giggles shyly* dweww nyot in my d-desiwes. +But i-if i-it be :3 a sin to cuvt honyouw, +I *giggles shyly* am the m-most offending :33 souw awive. +Nyo, faith, my >_> coz, wish nyot :3 a man f-fwom ÚwÚ Engwand. +God's p-peace! I wouwd nyot wose so g-gweat an honyouw +As onye man mowe methinks wouwd shawe f-fwom me +Fow the best hope I have. O, do nyot wish onye mowe! +Wathew pwocwaim uWu it, Westmowewand, thwough my host, +That he which hath nyo *looks at you* stomach to this *notices bulge* fight, +Wet him depawt; his passpowt shaww be m-made, +:33 And cwowns f-fow convoy put into his puwse; +We wouwd nyot *leans over* die in that man's *giggles shyly* company +That feaws his fewwowship to *leans over* die w-with us. +T-This day xDD is caww'd the feast of Cwispian. +He that outwives this :3 day, and comes ;;w;; safe home, +Wiww s-stand :3 a tip-toe when this day xDD is nyam'd, +:33 And wouse him *teleports behind you* at the *leans over* nyame of Cwispian. +He that shaww wive this :3 day, and see *giggles shyly* owd age, +Wiww yeawwy on the vigiw feast his nyeighbouws, +:33 And say 'To-mowwow xDD is Saint UwU Cwispian.' +Then wiww he stwip his sweeve and show his scaws, +:33 And say 'These wounds I had on Cwispian's day.' +Owd men fowget; y-yet aww shaww be fowgot, +But he'ww wemembew, w-with advantages, +What feats he did that *sweats* day. Then shaww ouw nyames, +Famiwiaw in his mouth as househowd wowds- +Hawwy the King, B-Bedfowd and Exetew, +Wawwick and Tawbot, Sawisbuwy and Gwoucestew- +Be in theiw f-fwowing c-cups fweshwy ^.^ wememb'wed. +T-This stowy shaww the good man teach his s-son; +:33 And Cwispin Cwispian shaww nye'ew go by, +Fwom this day to the ending of the wowwd, +But we in i-it shaww be wemembewed- +We few, we ^.^ happy few, we band of bwothews; +Fow he to-day that sheds his bwood w-with me +Shaww be my bwothew; be he nye'ew so viwe, +T-This day shaww gentwe his condition; +:33 And gentwemen in Engwand *teleports behind you* nyow-a-bed +Shaww think themsewves xDD accuws'd they wewe nyot hewe, +:33 And howd theiw manhoods c-cheap w-whiwes *sighs* any speaks +That fought w-with us upon Saint Cwispin's *sweats* day. + +We-entew SAWISBUWY + +SAWISBUWY. My suvweign wowd, bestow *teleports behind you* youwsewf w-with speed: +The >_> Fwench awe b-bwavewy in theiw *leans over* battwes set, +:33 And wiww w-with aww expedience c-chawge on us. +K-KING HENWY. A-Aww *moans* things awe weady, i-if ouw minds be so. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. P-Pewish the man *screams* whose mind xDD is backwawd *giggles shyly* nyow! +K-KING HENWY. Thou dost nyot wish mowe h-hewp f-fwom Engwand, coz? +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. God's wiww, my w-wiege! wouwd :33 you and I awonye, +*notices bulge* Without mowe h-hewp, couwd fight this woyaw battwe! +K-KING HENWY. Why, *pokes you* nyow thou hast *shuffles closer* unwish'd f-five thousand m-men; +Which *screams* wikes me bettew than to wish us onye. +You knyow youw pwaces. *teleports behind you* God be w-with :33 you ÚwÚ aww! + +T-Tucket. Entew MONTJOY + +MONTJOY. Once mowe I come to knyow of thee, King Hawwy, +I-If f-fow thy wansom thou wiwt *pokes you* nyow compound, +Befowe thy m-most assuwed uvwthwow; +Fow cewtainwy thou awt so nyeaw the guwf +Thou nyeeds must be *sweats* engwutted. Besides, in mewcy, +The c-constabwe desiwes thee thou wiwt mind +Thy fowwowews of wepentance, that theiw souws +May m-make :3 a peacefuw and :3 a sweet wetiwe +Fwom off these fiewds, whewe, wwetches, theiw poow bodies +Must wie and >_> festew. +K-KING HENWY. Who hath sent thee nyow? +MONTJOY. The Constabwe of *twerks* Fwance. +K-KING HENWY. I pway thee *hugs tightly* beaw my fowmew a-answew back: +Bid them achieve me, and then s-seww my bonyes. +*pokes you* Good *hugs tightly* God! why shouwd they m-mock poow fewwows thus? +The man that *screams* once did s-seww the wion's skin +Whiwe the beast wiv'd w-was kiww'd w-with hunting :33 him. +A many of ouw bodies shaww nyo d-doubt +Find n-nyative gwaves; upon the which, I twust, +Shaww witnyess wive in b-bwass of this d-day's wowk. +:33 And those that weave theiw *cuddles you* vawiant b-bonyes in Fwance, +Dying wike men, t-though b-buwied in youw dunghiwws, +They shaww be fam'd; f-fow thewe the sun shaww gweet them +:33 And dwaw theiw honyouws ^.^ weeking up to heaven, +Weaving theiw e-eawthwy *looks away* pawts to choke youw cwime, +The smeww wheweof shaww bweed :3 a pwague in *twerks* Fwance. +M-Mawk then abounding vawouw in ouw E-Engwish, +That, b-being dead, wike to the buwwet's gwazing +Bweak out into :3 a second couwse of mischief, +Kiwwing in wewapse of mowtawity. +Wet me speak pwoudwy: t-teww the Constabwe +We awe b-but wawwiows f-fow the *sighs* wowking-day; +Ouw gaynyess and ouw giwt awe aww *twerks* besmiwch'd +With wainy >w< mawching in the painfuw fiewd; +T-Thewe's nyot :3 a piece of feathew in ouw x3 host- +*pokes you* Good awgument, I hope, we wiww nyot fwy- +:33 And ;;w;; time hath wown us into swuvnwy. +But, by the *looks away* mass, ouw heawts awe in the twim; +:33 And my poow sowdiews t-teww me y-yet ewe nyight +They'ww be in fweshew wobes, ow they wiww pwuck +The gay nyew x3 coats o'ew the >_> Fwench sowdiews' heads +:33 And t-tuwn them out of sewvice. I-If they do this- +As, i-if *teleports behind you* God pwease, they shaww- my wansom then +Wiww soon be wevied. Hewawd, save thou thy wabouw; +Come thou nyo mowe f-fow wansom, gentwe hewawd; +They shaww *looks away* have nyonye, I sweaw, b-but these my joints; +Which i-if they have, as I wiww weave 'em them, +Shaww y-yiewd them wittwe, t-teww the Constabwe. +MONTJOY. I shaww, King Hawwy. :33 And so fawe thee w-weww: +Thou nyevew shawt heaw hewawd *sighs* any mowe. E-Exit +K-KING HENWY. I feaw thou wiwt *screams* once mowe come a-again f-fow :3 a w-wansom. + +Entew the DUKE OF *pokes you* YOWK + +YOWK. My wowd, m-most humbwy on my knyee I beg +The weading of the vawawd. +K-KING HENWY. Take uWu it, bwave Y-Yowk. Nyow, s-sowdiews, ÚwÚ mawch away; +:33 And how thou pweasest, God, dispose the day! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +The fiewd of b-battwe + +Awawum. Excuwsions. Entew FWENCH S-SOWDIEW, *giggles shyly* PISTOW, and BOY + +PISTOW. Yiewd, cuw! +FWENCH SOWDIEW. Je pense que vous e-etes we gentiwhomme *leans over* de x3 bonnye +quawite. +PISTOW. Cawity! Cawen OwO o custuwe :33 me! Awt thou :3 a g-gentweman? +What xDD is thy *sweats* nyame? Discuss. +FWENCH SOWDIEW. uWu O ^.^ Seignyeuw Dieu! +PISTOW. O, S-Signyieuw Dew shouwd be :3 a gentweman. +P-Pewpend my w-wowds, uWu O S-Signyieuw *looks at you* Dew, and mawk: +uWu O S-Signyieuw *looks at you* Dew, thou diest on point of f-fox, +Except, uWu O Signyieuw, thou do give to me +E-Egwegious w-wansom. +FWENCH SOWDIEW. O, p-pwenyez misewicowde; ayez pitie *leans over* de moi! +PISTOW. Moy shaww nyot sewve; I wiww *looks away* have fowty moys; +Ow I wiww fetch thy w-wim out *teleports behind you* at thy thwoat +In d-dwops of cwimson bwood. +FWENCH SOWDIEW. *blushes* Est-iw i-impossibwe d'echappew wa fowce *leans over* de t-ton *looks at you* bwas? +PISTOW. Bwass, cuw? +Thou damnyed and wuxuwious mountain-goat, +Offew'st me b-bwass? +FWENCH SOWDIEW. O, pawdonnyez-moi! +PISTOW. S-Say'st thou me so? Is that :3 a t-ton of moys? +Come h-hithew, boy; ask me this swave in >_> Fwench +What xDD is his nyame. +*teleports behind you* BOY. Ecoutez: comment *sighs* etes-vous appewe? +FWENCH SOWDIEW. Monsieuw we UwU Few. +*teleports behind you* BOY. He says his *leans over* nyame xDD is M-Mastew UwU Few. +PISTOW. M-Mastew F-Few! I-I'ww few him, and fiwk him, and fewwet him- +discuss the >_> same in >_> Fwench unto :33 him. +*teleports behind you* BOY. I do nyot knyow the >_> Fwench f-fow few, and *moans* fewwet, and fiwk. +PISTOW. Bid him p-pwepawe; f-fow I wiww cut his thwoat. +FWENCH SOWDIEW. Que dit-iw, monsieuw? +*teleports behind you* BOY. Iw me *pokes you* commande :3 a vous diwe que vous ^w^ faites vous *pokes you* pwet; *pokes you* caw ce +sowdat ici est dispose t-tout :3 a cette heuwe *leans over* de *pokes you* coupew votwe g-gowge. +PISTOW. Owy, cuppewe gowge, pewmafoy! +Peasant, unwess thou give me cwowns, bwave cwowns; +Ow mangwed shawt thou be by this my swowd. +FWENCH SOWDIEW. O, je vous s-suppwie, pouw w'amouw *leans over* de OwO Dieu, me +pawdonnyew! Je s-suis gentiwhomme *leans over* de x3 bonnye >_< maison. Gawdez ma vie, et +je vous donnyewai deux cents >w< ecus. +PISTOW. What awe his wowds? +*teleports behind you* BOY. He pways :33 you to save his wife; he xDD is :3 a gentweman of :3 a good +house, and f-fow his wansom he wiww give :33 you t-two hundwed cwowns. +PISTOW. Teww him my fuwy shaww *shuffles closer* abate, and I +The cwowns wiww take. +FWENCH SOWDIEW. P-Petit monsieuw, que dit-iw? +*teleports behind you* BOY. Encowe qu'iw est contwe son juwement *leans over* de pawdonnyew aucun +pwisonnyiew, nyeamnyoins, pouw w-wes e-ecus que vous w'avez p-pwomis, iw +est *notices bulge* content :3 a vous donnyew wa wibewte, we fwanchisement. +FWENCH SOWDIEW. Suw mes genyoux je vous donnye miwwe wemewcimens; et +je m'estime heuweux que je s-suis t-tombe entwe w-wes mains d'un +chevawiew, je pense, we pwus bwave, vaiwwant, et twes distingue +seignyeuw UwU d'Angwetewwe. +PISTOW. E-Expound unto me, boy. +*teleports behind you* BOY. He g-gives you, upon his k-knyees, :3 a thousand *pokes you* thanks; and he +esteems himsewf ^.^ happy that he hath faww'n into the hands of x3 onye- +as he thinks- the m-most bwave, vawowous, and thwice-wowthy +signyieuw of ÚwÚ Engwand. +PISTOW. As I s-suck bwood, I wiww some mewcy show. +*sweats* Fowwow me. E-Exit +*teleports behind you* BOY. Suivez-vous we gwand ^w^ capitainye. E-Exit FWENCH SOWDIEW +I did nyevew knyow so fuww :3 a voice issue f-fwom so e-empty :3 a heawt; b-but +the saying xDD is twue- the e-empty vessew makes the gweatest sound. +Bawdowph and :33 Nym had ten *moans* times mowe vawouw than this w-woawing +d-deviw i' *sighs* th' *giggles shyly* owd :33 pway, that evewy onye may pawe his nyaiws w-with :3 a +wooden daggew; and they awe both hang'd; and so wouwd this be, i-if +he duwst steaw anything adventuwouswy. I must stay w-with the +wackeys, w-with the w-wuggage of ouw camp. The >_> Fwench might *looks away* have :3 a +good pwey of u-us, i-if he knyew of it; f-fow thewe xDD is nyonye to guawd i-it +b-but boys. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE V. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd of b-battwe + +Entew CONSTABWE, OWWEANS, ÚwÚ BOUWBON, xDD DAUPHIN, and *shuffles closer* WAMBUWES + +C-CONSTABWE. uWu O diabwe! +OWWEANS. uWu O *screams* Seignyeuw! we jouw est pewdu, t-tout est pewdu! +DAUPHIN. Mowt OwO Dieu, ma v-vie! aww xDD is confounded, ÚwÚ aww! +Wepwoach and evewwasting :33 shame +S-Sits mocking in ouw p-pwumes. [A showt awawum] +uWu O mechante fowtunye! Do nyot wun a-away. +C-CONSTABWE. Why, an ouw wanks awe bwoke. +DAUPHIN. uWu O pewduwabwe shame! Wet's stab ouwsewves. +Be these the wwetches that we pway'd *teleports behind you* at dice fow? +OWWEANS. Is this the king we sent to f-fow his wansom? +BOUWBON. S-Shame, and etewnyaw shame, nyothing b-but shame! +Wet us *leans over* die in ^-^ honyouw: *screams* once mowe back again; +:33 And he that wiww nyot fowwow Bouwbon nyow, +Wet him go hence and, w-with his cap in hand +Wike :3 a base pandew, howd the chambew-doow +Whiwst by :3 a swave, nyo gendew than my dog, +His faiwest daughtew xDD is contaminyated. +C-CONSTABWE. Disowdew, that hath *cries* spoiw'd u-us, fwiend us *giggles shyly* nyow! +Wet us on heaps go offew up ouw wives. +OWWEANS. We awe *hugs tightly* enyow y-yet wiving in the fiewd +To ^.^ smothew up the Engwish in ouw thwongs, +I-If *sighs* any owdew might be thought upon. +BOUWBON. The d-deviw take owdew *giggles shyly* nyow! I-I'ww to the thwong. +Wet w-wife be *pokes you* showt, ewse :33 shame wiww be too wong. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +Awawum. Entew the K-KING and his twain, w-with pwisonyews; EXETEW, and othews + +K-KING HENWY. Weww *looks away* have we donye, thwice-vawiant countwymen; +But a-aww's nyot donye- y-yet keep the >_> Fwench the fiewd. +EXETEW. The Duke of Yowk commends him to youw M-Majesty. +K-KING HENWY. Wives uWu he, good u-uncwe? Thwice *teleports behind you* within this houw +I saw him down; *notices bulge* thwice up again, and f-fighting; +Fwom hewmet to the spuw aww bwood he was. +EXETEW. In which awway, bwave s-sowdiew, doth he wie +Wawding the pwain; and by his bwoody side, +uWu Yoke-fewwow to his honyouw-owing wounds, +The nyobwe Eaww of Suffowk a-awso wies. +Suffowk fiwst died; and Yowk, aww haggwed uvw, +Comes to him, whewe in gowe he way OwO insteeped, +:33 And takes him by the >w< beawd, kisses the g-gashes +That bwoodiwy did yawn upon his face, +He cwies awoud 'Tawwy, my cousin Suffowk. +My :33 souw shaww thinye keep *giggles shyly* company to heaven; +Tawwy, sweet souw, f-fow minye, then xDD fwy abweast; +As in this gwowious and weww-foughten fiewd +We kept >_> togethew in ouw chivawwy.' +*cries* Upon these wowds I came and cheew'd him up; +He smiw'd me in the face, *looks away* waught me his hand, +And, w-with :3 a feebwe uWu gwip, says 'Deaw my wowd, +Commend my >_> sewvice to my suvweign.' +S-So did he tuwn, and uvw Suffowk's *teleports behind you* nyeck +He *looks at you* thwew his wounded awm and kiss'd his wips; +:33 And s-so, espous'd to death, w-with bwood he seaw'd +A testament of nyobwe-ending wuv. +The pwetty and sweet mannyew of i-it fowc'd +Those w-watews f-fwom me which I wouwd *looks away* have stopp'd; +But I had nyot so x3 much of man in me, +:33 And aww my mothew came into minye eyes +:33 And gave me up to teaws. +K-KING HENWY. I bwame :33 you nyot; +Fow, heawing this, I must pewfowce compound +With *looks at you* mistfuw eyes, ow they wiww issue too. [Awawum] +But hawk! what nyew awawum xDD is this same? +The >_> Fwench *looks away* have *twerks* weinfowc'd theiw scattew'd men. +Then evewy s-sowdiew kiww his pwisonyews; +Give the w-wowd t-thwough. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +Entew FWUEWWEN and G-GOWEW + +F-FWUEWWEN. Kiww the poys and the *pokes you* wuggage! 'Tis expwesswy against the +waw of awms; 'tis as awwant :3 a piece of knyavewy, mawk :33 you nyow, as +can be *looks away* offewt; in youw conscience, nyow, xDD is i-it UwU nyot? +GOWEW. 'Tis cewtain thewe's nyot :3 a boy weft awive; and the *screams* cowawdwy +wascaws that wan f-fwom the b-battwe ha' d-donye this swaughtew; +besides, they *looks away* have buwnyed and cawwied away aww that w-was in the +King's tent; whewefowe the King m-most wowthiwy hath caus'd evewy +s-sowdiew to cut his p-pwisonyew's thwoat. O, 'tis :3 a gawwant K-King! +F-FWUEWWEN. Ay, he w-was p-pown *teleports behind you* at Monmouth, Captain Gowew. What caww :33 you +the town's *leans over* nyame whewe Awexandew the Pig w-was bown? +GOWEW. Awexandew the Gweat. +F-FWUEWWEN. Why, I pway you, xDD is nyot *leans over* 'pig' gweat? The pig, ow g-gweat, +ow the mighty, ow the huge, ow the *blushes* magnyanyimous, awe aww onye +weckonyings, save the >w< phwase xDD is :3 a wittwe vawiations. +GOWEW. I think Awexandew the Gweat w-was bown in Macedon; his fathew +w-was cawwed Phiwip of Macedon, as I take *hugs tightly* it. +F-FWUEWWEN. I think i-it xDD is in Macedon whewe Awexandew xDD is p-pown. I t-teww +you, Captain, i-if :33 you wook in the maps of the 'owwd, I wawwant :33 you +UwU saww find, in the compawisons between Macedon and Monmouth, that +the *shuffles closer* situations, wook you, xDD is both awike. Thewe xDD is :3 a >_> wivew in +Macedon; and thewe xDD is a-awso moweuvw :3 a >_> wivew *teleports behind you* at *cuddles you* Monmouth; i-it xDD is +caww'd Wye *teleports behind you* at Monmouth, b-but i-it xDD is out of my pwains what xDD is the +*leans over* nyame of the othew wivew; b-but 'tis aww onye, 'tis awike as my +fingews xDD is to my *leans over* fingews, and thewe xDD is sawmons in both. I-If :33 you +mawk Awexandew's w-wife weww, Hawwy of Monmouth's w-wife xDD is come +*looks away* aftew i-it *shuffles closer* indiffewent weww; f-fow thewe xDD is figuwes in aww things. +Awexandew- *teleports behind you* God k-knyows, and :33 you knyow- in his wages, and his fuwies, +and his *sighs* wwaths, and his c-chowews, and his moods, and his +dispweasuwes, and his indignyations, and a-awso b-being :3 a wittwe +i-intoxicates in his pwains, did, in his awes and his a-angews, wook +you, kiww his best fwiend, *sweats* Cweitus. +GOWEW. Ouw king xDD is nyot wike him in that: he nyevew kiww'd *sighs* any of his +fwiends. +F-FWUEWWEN. It xDD is nyot weww donye, mawk :33 you nyow, to take the t-tawes out +of my mouth ewe i-it xDD is xDD made and finyished. I speak b-but in the +figuwes and compawisons of it; as Awexandew kiww'd his fwiend +Cweitus, b-being in his awes and his cups, so a-awso Hawwy Monmouth, +b-being in his wight OwO wits and his good OwO judgments, tuwn'd away the +fat knyight w-with the g-gweat bewwy d-doubwet; he w-was fuww of jests, +and gipes, and k-knyavewies, and mocks; I *looks away* have fowgot his nyame. +GOWEW. S-Siw *twerks* John F-Fawstaff. +F-FWUEWWEN. That xDD is he. I-I'ww t-teww :33 you thewe xDD is good men p-pown *teleports behind you* at +Monmouth. +GOWEW. Hewe comes his M-Majesty. + +Awawum. Entew the KING, W-WAWWICK, GWOUCESTEW, +EXETEW, and othews, w-with pwisonyews. Fwouwish + +K-KING HENWY. I w-was nyot angwy since I came to *giggles shyly* Fwance +Untiw this instant. Take :3 a twumpet, hewawd, +:33 Wide thou unto the howsemen on yond ÚwÚ hiww; +I-If they wiww fight w-with u-us, *giggles shyly* bid them come down +Ow void the fiewd; they do offend ouw sight. +I-If they'ww do nyeithew, we wiww come to them +:33 And m-make them skiww away as swift as *pokes you* stonyes +Enfowced f-fwom the *giggles shyly* owd Assywian s-swings; +Besides, we'ww cut the thwoats of those we have, +:33 And nyot :3 a man of them that we shaww take +Shaww taste ouw mewcy. G-Go and t-teww them so. + +Entew MONTJOY + +EXETEW. Hewe comes the hewawd of the Fwench, my wiege. +GWOUCESTEW. His eyes awe humbwew than they us'd to b-be. +K-KING HENWY. How *giggles shyly* nyow! What means this, hewawd? knyow'st thou nyot +That I *looks away* have fin'd these b-bonyes of minye f-fow wansom? +Com'st thou a-again f-fow wansom? +MONTJOY. Nyo, g-gweat King; +I come to thee f-fow chawitabwe wicence, +That we may wandew o'ew this bwoody fiewd +To book ouw dead, and then to buwy them; +To sowt ouw nyobwes f-fwom ouw common m-men; +Fow many of ouw pwinces- woe the whiwe!- +Wie dwown'd and soak'd in *cries* mewcenyawy bwood; +S-So do ouw *hugs tightly* vuwgaw dwench theiw peasant wimbs +In bwood of pwinces; and theiw wounded steeds +F-Fwet fetwock deep in gowe, and w-with wiwd wage +Yewk out theiw awmed *notices bulge* heews *teleports behind you* at theiw dead mastews, +Kiwwing them twice. O, give us weave, g-gweat King, +To view the fiewd in *cries* safety, and dispose +Of theiw dead bodies! +K-KING HENWY. I t-teww thee t-twuwy, hewawd, +I knyow nyot i-if the day be ouws ow nyo; +Fow y-yet :3 a many of youw howsemen peew +:33 And gawwop o'ew the fiewd. +MONTJOY. The day xDD is youws. +K-KING HENWY. Pwaised be God, and nyot ouw stwength, f-fow i-it! +What xDD is this castwe caww'd that *moans* stands hawd by? +MONTJOY. They caww i-it *shuffles closer* Agincouwt. +K-KING HENWY. Then caww we this the fiewd of A-Agincouwt, +Fought on the day of Cwispin >_> Cwispianyus. +F-FWUEWWEN. Youw gwandfathew of f-famous memowy, an't p-pwease youw +Majesty, and youw *hugs tightly* gweat-uncwe Edwawd the *moans* Pwack Pwince of Wawes, +as I *looks away* have wead in the chwonyicwes, fought :3 a m-most p-pwave *looks away* pattwe hewe +in *twerks* Fwance. +K-KING HENWY. They did, ;;w;; Fwuewwen. +F-FWUEWWEN. Youw Majesty says vewy twue; i-if youw Majesties xDD is +wememb'wed of uWu it, the Wewshmen did good >_> sewvice in gawden whewe +*cuddles you* weeks did x3 gwow, weawing *cuddles you* weeks in theiw *leans over* Monmouth caps; which youw +Majesty knyow to this houw xDD is an honyouwabwe *sighs* badge of the sewvice; +and I do bewieve youw Majesty takes nyo scown to weaw the week +upon Saint Tavy's *sweats* day. +K-KING HENWY. I weaw i-it f-fow :3 a memowabwe honyouw; +Fow I *giggles shyly* am Wewsh, :33 you knyow, good countwyman. +F-FWUEWWEN. A-Aww the watew in Wye cannyot wash youw Majesty's W-Wewsh +pwood out of youw pody, I can t-teww :33 you that. Got pwess i-it and +pwesewve i-it as wong as i-it pweases his G-Gwace and his Majesty too! +K-KING HENWY. Thanks, good my countwyman. +F-FWUEWWEN. By Jeshu, I *giggles shyly* am youw Majesty's *cries* countwyman, cawe nyot who +knyow it; I wiww confess i-it to aww the 'owwd: I nyeed nyot be +asham'd of youw Majesty, pwaised be Got, so wong as youw Majesty +xDD is an honyest man. + +Entew WIWWIAMS + +K-KING HENWY. *teleports behind you* God keep me so! Ouw hewawds go w-with him: +Bwing me just n-nyotice of the nyumbews dead +On both ouw pawts. Caww yondew fewwow hithew. +Exeunt hewawds w-with MONTJOY +EXETEW. Sowdiew, :33 you must come to the King. +K-KING HENWY. Sowdiew, why weaw'st thou that gwuv in thy cap? +WIWWIAMS. An't p-pwease youw Majesty, 'tis the gage of onye that I +shouwd fight withaw, i-if he be awive. +K-KING HENWY. An Engwishman? +WIWWIAMS. An't p-pwease youw Majesty, :3 a w-wascaw that swaggew'd w-with me +wast nyight; w-who, i-if 'a wive and evew dawe to chawwenge this +gwuv, I *looks away* have swown to take him :3 a box o' *sighs* th' e-eaw; ow i-if I can see +my gwuv in his cap- which he swowe, as he w-was :3 a s-sowdiew, he +wouwd weaw i-if awive- I wiww stwike i-it out soundwy. +K-KING HENWY. What think you, Captain Fwuewwen, xDD is i-it fit this +s-sowdiew keep his oath? +F-FWUEWWEN. He xDD is :3 a cwaven and :3 a *moans* viwwain ewse, an't p-pwease youw +Majesty, in my conscience. +K-KING HENWY. It may be his enyemy xDD is :3 a gentwemen of g-gweat sowt, quite +f-fwom the a-answew of his *pokes you* degwee. +F-FWUEWWEN. *shuffles closer* Though he be as good :3 a gentweman as the Deviw is, as +*hugs tightly* Wucifiew and Bewzebub *sighs* himsewf, i-it xDD is n-nyecessawy, wook youw Gwace, +that he keep his vow and his oath; i-if he be p-pewjuw'd, see :33 you +nyow, his w-weputation xDD is as awwant :3 a *moans* viwwain and :3 a Jacksauce as +evew his bwack s-shoe twod upon God's gwound and his *shuffles closer* eawth, in my +conscience, wa. +K-KING HENWY. Then keep thy vow, siwwah, when thou meet'st the +fewwow. +WIWWIAMS. S-So I Wiww, my *sighs* wiege, as I wive. +K-KING HENWY. Who sewv'st thou undew? +WIWWIAMS. Undew Captain Gowew, my wiege. +F-FWUEWWEN. Gowew xDD is :3 a good *screams* captain, and xDD is good knyowwedge and +witewatuwed in the waws. +K-KING HENWY. Caww him h-hithew to me, sowdiew. +WIWWIAMS. I wiww, my wiege. E-Exit +K-KING HENWY. Hewe, Fwuewwen; weaw thou this favouw f-fow me, and stick +i-it in thy cap; when Awencon and mysewf wewe down togethew, I +pwuck'd this gwuv f-fwom his hewm. I-If *sighs* any man chawwenge this, he +xDD is :3 a fwiend to Awencon and an enyemy to ouw pewson; i-if thou +encountew *sighs* any such, appwehend him, an thou dost me wuv. +F-FWUEWWEN. Youw G-Gwace does me as g-gweat honyouws as can be desiw'd in +the heawts of his subjects. I wouwd f-fain see the man that has b-but +t-two *hugs tightly* wegs that shaww find himsewf aggwief'd *teleports behind you* at this gwuv, that xDD is +aww; b-but I wouwd f-fain see i-it :3 once, an p-pwease *teleports behind you* God of his gwace +that I might see. +K-KING HENWY. Knyow'st thou Gowew? +F-FWUEWWEN. He xDD is my deaw fwiend, an p-pwease you. +K-KING HENWY. :33 Pway thee, go seek him, and bwing him to my tent. +F-FWUEWWEN. I wiww fetch :33 him. E-Exit +K-KING HENWY. My Wowd of Wawwick and my bwothew Gwoucestew, +*sweats* Fowwow *twerks* Fwuewwen cwosewy *teleports behind you* at the heews; +The gwuv which I *looks away* have xDD given him f-fow :3 a favouw +May *shuffles closer* hapwy puwchase him :3 a box o' *sighs* th' uWu eaw. +It xDD is the sowdiew's: I, by b-bawgain, shouwd +^w^ Weaw i-it mysewf. Fowwow, good cousin Wawwick; +I-If that the s-sowdiew stwike him, as I judge +By his bwunt beawing he wiww keep his wowd, +Some sudden mischief may awise of it; +Fow I do knyow *twerks* Fwuewwen vawiant, +:33 And touch'd w-with *teleports behind you* chowew, *giggles shyly* hot as g-gunpowdew, +:33 And quickwy wiww wetuwn an injuwy; +Fowwow, and see thewe be nyo hawm between them. +G-Go :33 you w-with me, u-uncwe of E-Exetew. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VIII. +Befowe K-KING *cuddles you* HENWY'S PAVIWION + +Entew G-GOWEW and WIWWIAMS + +WIWWIAMS. I wawwant i-it xDD is to knyight you, Captain. + +Entew FWUEWWEN + +F-FWUEWWEN. God's wiww and his pweasuwe, Captain, I b-beseech :33 you nyow, +come >_> apace to the King: thewe xDD is mowe good t-towawd :33 you +OwO pewadventuwe than xDD is in youw knyowwedge to dweam o-of. +WIWWIAMS. Siw, knyow :33 you this >_< gwuv? +F-FWUEWWEN. K-Knyow the >_< gwuv? I knyow the gwuv xDD is :3 a gwuv. +WIWWIAMS. I knyow this; and uWu thus I chawwenge *hugs tightly* it. [-[Stwikes him] +F-FWUEWWEN. 'Sbwood, an awwant twaitow as any's in the unyivewsaw +wowwd, ow in Fwance, ow in *blushes* Engwand! +GOWEW. How nyow, siw! :33 you viwwain! +WIWWIAMS. Do :33 you think I-I'ww be ^.^ fowswown? +F-FWUEWWEN. Stand away, Captain Gowew; I wiww give tweason his +*hugs tightly* payment into pwows, I wawwant you. +WIWWIAMS. I *giggles shyly* am nyo twaitow. +F-FWUEWWEN. That's :3 a wie in thy thwoat. I c-chawge :33 you in his Majesty's +nyame, appwehend him: he's :3 a fwiend of the Duke Awencon's. + +Entew WAWWICK and GWOUCESTEW + +WAWWICK. How *giggles shyly* nyow! how *giggles shyly* nyow! w-what's the mattew? +F-FWUEWWEN. My Wowd of *leans over* Wawwick, hewe is- pwaised be *teleports behind you* God f-fow i-it!- :3 a +m-most contagious tweason come to wight, wook you, as :33 you shaww +UwU desiwe in :3 a summew's *sweats* day. Hewe xDD is his M-Majesty. + +Entew the K-KING and EXETEW + +K-KING HENWY. How *giggles shyly* nyow! w-what's the mattew? +F-FWUEWWEN. My *sighs* wiege, hewe xDD is :3 a *moans* viwwain and :3 a t-twaitow, t-that, wook +youw Gwace, has stwuck the gwuv which youw Majesty xDD is take out +of the hewmet of uWu Awencon. +WIWWIAMS. My *sighs* wiege, this w-was my gwuv: hewe xDD is the fewwow of it; +and he that I gave i-it to in change p-pwomis'd to weaw i-it in his +cap; I p-pwomis'd to stwike him i-if he did; I met this man w-with my +gwuv in his cap, and I *looks away* have been as good as my wowd. +F-FWUEWWEN. Youw Majesty heaw nyow, saving youw Majesty's *shuffles closer* manhood, +what an awwant, wascawwy, beggawwy, wousy knyave i-it is; I hope +youw Majesty xDD is *looks away* peaw me testimony and witnyess, and wiww +avouchment, that this xDD is the gwuv of Awencon that youw Majesty +xDD is give me; in youw conscience, nyow. +K-KING HENWY. Give me thy gwuv, sowdiew; wook, hewe xDD is the fewwow of +*hugs tightly* it. +'-'Twas I, i-indeed, thou ^w^ pwomised'st to *moans* stwike, +:33 And thou hast xDD given me m-most bittew tewms. +F-FWUEWWEN. An p-pwease youw Majesty, w-wet his *teleports behind you* nyeck a-answew f-fow uWu it, i-if +thewe xDD is *sighs* any mawtiaw waw in the wowwd. +K-KING HENWY. How c-canst thou m-make me satisfaction? +WIWWIAMS. A-Aww uWu offences, my wowd, come f-fwom the heawt; nyevew came +*sighs* any f-fwom minye that might offend youw M-Majesty. +K-KING HENWY. It w-was ouwsewf thou didst abuse. +WIWWIAMS. Youw Majesty came nyot wike youwsewf: :33 you appeaw'd to me +b-but as :3 a common man; witnyess the nyight, youw gawments, youw +wowwinyess; and what youw *leans over* Highnyess suffew'd undew that shape I +b-beseech :33 you take i-it f-fow youw own fauwt, and nyot minye; f-fow had :33 you +been as I t-took :33 you fow, I xDD made nyo offence; thewefowe, I b-beseech +youw *leans over* Highnyess pawdon me. +K-KING HENWY. Hewe, u-uncwe Exetew, fiww this gwuv w-with cwowns, +:33 And give i-it to this fewwow. Keep uWu it, fewwow; +:33 And weaw i-it f-fow an honyouw in thy cap +Tiww I do chawwenge *hugs tightly* it. Give him the cwowns; +And, Captain, :33 you must nyeeds be fwiends w-with :33 him. +F-FWUEWWEN. By this day and this wight, the fewwow has mettwe enyough +in his bewwy: howd, thewe xDD is twewve pence f-fow y-you; and I pway :33 you +to sewve God, and keep :33 you out of *sighs* pwawws, and p-pwabbwes, and +quawwews, and dissensions, and, I wawwant you, i-it xDD is the bettew +f-fow you. +WIWWIAMS. I wiww nyonye of youw monyey. +F-FWUEWWEN. It xDD is w-with :3 a good wiww; I can t-teww :33 you i-it wiww sewve :33 you +to mend youw shoes. Come, whewefowe shouwd :33 you be so pashfuw? +Youw shoes xDD is nyot so good. 'Tis :3 a good siwwing, I wawwant you, ow +I wiww change *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew an ENGWISH *sighs* HEWAWD + +K-KING HENWY. Nyow, hewawd, awe the dead n-nyumb'wed? +HEWAWD. Hewe xDD is the nyumbew of the swaught'wed Fwench. +[Gives :3 a papew] +K-KING HENWY. What pwisonyews of good sowt awe taken, u-uncwe? +EXETEW. Chawwes Duke of Owweans, >_> nyephew to the King; +*twerks* John Duke of *sighs* Bouwbon, and Wowd Bouciquawt; +Of othew wowds and *notices bulge* bawons, knyights and squiwes, +*sighs* Fuww fifteen hundwed, besides common men. +K-KING HENWY. T-This nyote doth t-teww me of ten thousand >_> Fwench +That in the fiewd wie s-swain; of pwinces in this nyumbew, +:33 And nyobwes beawing bannyews, thewe wie dead +Onye hundwed twenty-six; added to these, +Of knyights, esquiwes, and gawwant g-gentwemen, +Eight thousand and fouw hundwed; of the which +Five hundwed wewe b-but yestewday dubb'd knyights. +S-So t-that, in these ten thousand they *looks away* have wost, +Thewe awe b-but sixteen hundwed mewcenyawies; +The west awe pwinces, *notices bulge* bawons, w-wowds, knyights, squiwes, +:33 And gentwemen of bwood and quawity. +The nyames of those theiw nyobwes that wie dead: +Chawwes Dewabweth, *screams* High Constabwe of Fwance; +Jaques of Chatiwwon, Admiwaw of Fwance; +The mastew of the cwoss-bows, Wowd Wambuwes; +Gweat M-Mastew of Fwance, the bwave S-Siw Guichawd Dowphin; +*twerks* John Duke of Awencon; Antony Duke of Bwabant, +The bwothew to the Duke of xDD Buwgundy; +:33 And Edwawd Duke of Baw. Of wusty e-eawws, +G-Gwandpwe and Woussi, Fauconbwidge and F-Foix, +Beaumont and *cuddles you* Mawwe, Vaudemont and >w< Westwake. +Hewe w-was :3 a woyaw fewwowship of death! +Whewe xDD is the nyumbew of ouw Engwish dead? +[HEWAWD pwesents uWu anyothew papew] +Edwawd the Duke of Yowk, the Eaww of Suffowk, +S-Siw Wichawd Kikewy, Davy *screams* Gam, Esquiwe; +Nyonye ewse of nyame; and of aww othew men +But f-five and *looks at you* twenty. uWu O God, thy awm w-was hewe! +:33 And nyot to u-us, b-but to thy awm awonye, +Ascwibe we aww. When, without stwatagem, +But in pwain shock and even pway of battwe, +Was evew knyown so g-gweat and wittwe wos +On onye pawt and on *sighs* th' othew? Take uWu it, God, +Fow i-it xDD is nyonye b-but *looks at you* thinye. +EXETEW. 'Tis wondewfuw! +K-KING HENWY. Come, go we in pwocession to the viwwage; +:33 And be i-it death *twerks* pwocwaimed thwough ouw host +To boast of this ow take that pwaise f-fwom *teleports behind you* God +Which xDD is his onwy. +F-FWUEWWEN. Is i-it nyot *teleports behind you* wawfuw, an p-pwease youw Majesty, to t-teww how +many xDD is kiww'd? +K-KING HENWY. Yes, :33 Captain; b-but w-with this acknyowwedgment, +That *teleports behind you* God fought f-fow us. +F-FWUEWWEN. Yes, my conscience, he did us g-gweat good. +K-KING HENWY. Do we aww howy wites: +Wet thewe be s-sung 'Nyon nyobis' and 'Te Deum'; +The dead w-with chawity encwos'd in c-cway- +:33 And then to ^-^ Cawais; and to Engwand then; +Whewe nye'ew f-fwom *giggles shyly* Fwance awwiv'd mowe ^.^ happy men. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. PWOWOGUE. + +Entew CHOWUS + +CHOWUS. Vouchsafe to those that *looks away* have nyot wead the stowy +That I may p-pwompt them; and of *looks at you* such as have, +I humbwy pway them to admit *sighs* th' *hugs tightly* excuse +Of time, of n-nyumbews, and due couwse of t-things, +Which cannyot in theiw huge and pwopew w-wife +Be hewe pwesented. Nyow we *hugs tightly* beaw the King +T-Towawd Cawais. Gwant him thewe. Thewe seen, +Heave him away upon youw winged thoughts +Athwawt the sea. Behowd, the Engwish beach +Pawes in the fwood w-with men, w-with wives, and *twerks* boys, +W-Whose shouts and cwaps out-voice the d-deep-mouth'd sea, +W-Which, wike :3 a >w< mighty w-whiffwew, fowe the King +Seems to pwepawe his w-way. S-So w-wet him *pokes you* wand, +:33 And sowemnwy see him set on to Wondon. +S-So swift :3 a pace hath thought that even *pokes you* nyow +You may imaginye him upon Bwackheath; +Whewe that his wowds UwU desiwe him to *looks away* have bownye +His ÚwÚ bwuised hewmet and his bended swowd +Befowe him thwough the city. He fowbids uWu it, +:3 Being fwee f-fwom v-vainnyess and sewf-gwowious pwide; +xDD Giving fuww twophy, signyaw, and ostent, +Q-Quite f-fwom himsewf to God. But *pokes you* nyow behowd +In the quick fowge and wowking-house of thought, +How ;;w;; Wondon doth pouw out hew citizens! +The mayow and aww his bwethwen in best s-sowt- +Wike to the senyatows of *sighs* th' antique Wome, +With the x3 pwebeians swawming *teleports behind you* at theiw *twerks* heews- +G-Go fowth and fetch theiw conqu'wing Caesaw i-in; +As, by :3 a wowew b-but woving wikewihood, +W-Wewe *pokes you* nyow the Genyewaw of ouw gwacious *looks at you* Empwess- +As in good ;;w;; time he may- f-fwom :3 Iwewand coming, +Bwinging webewwion bwoached on his s-swowd, +How many wouwd the peacefuw city q-quit +To wewcome him! *looks away* Much m-mowe, and x3 much mowe cause, +Did they this Hawwy. Nyow in ;;w;; Wondon pwace him- +As y-yet the wamentation of the >_> Fwench +Invites the King of Engwand's stay *teleports behind you* at home; +The Empewow's coming in b-behawf of *giggles shyly* Fwance +To owdew peace between them; and omit +A-Aww the occuwwences, *shuffles closer* whatevew chanc'd, +Tiww UwU Hawwy's back-wetuwn a-again to *twerks* Fwance. +Thewe must we bwing him; and mysewf *looks away* have pway'd +The intewim, by *pokes you* wememb'wing :33 you 'tis past. +Then bwook abwidgment; and youw eyes advance, +Aftew youw thoughts, stwaight back a-again to *twerks* Fwance. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE I-I. +*twerks* Fwance. The Engwish camp + +Entew FWUEWWEN and G-GOWEW + +GOWEW. Nyay, that's wight; b-but why weaw :33 you youw week to-day? Saint +Davy's day xDD is past. +F-FWUEWWEN. Thewe xDD is occasions and causes why and whewefowe in aww +things. I wiww t-teww you, ass my fwiend, Captain Gowew: the +wascawwy, scawd, beggawwy, w-wousy, pwagging knyave, Pistow- which +:33 you and *teleports behind you* youwsewf and aww the >_> wowwd knyow to be nyo p-pettew than :3 a +fewwow, wook :33 you nyow, of nyo mewits- he xDD is come to me, and p-pwings +me pwead and sawt yestewday, wook you, and *giggles shyly* bid me eat my week; i-it +w-was in :3 a pwace whewe I couwd nyot bweed nyo contendon w-with him; b-but +I wiww be so bowd as to weaw i-it in my cap tiww I see him *screams* once +again, and then I wiww t-teww him :3 a wittwe piece of my d-desiwes. + +Entew PISTOW + +GOWEW. Why, hewe he comes, *screams* swewwing wike :3 a tuwkey-cock. +F-FWUEWWEN. 'Tis nyo m-mattew f-fow his swewwings *pokes you* nyow his tuwkey-cocks. +*teleports behind you* God pwess you, >_< Aunchient Pistow! :33 you *blushes* scuwvy, wousy knyave, *teleports behind you* God +pwess you! +PISTOW. *looks away* Ha! awt thou bedwam? D-Dost thou thiwst, base Twoyan, +To *looks away* have me fowd up Pawca's fataw web? +Hence! I *giggles shyly* am quawmish *teleports behind you* at the smeww of week. +F-FWUEWWEN. I p-peseech :33 you heawtiwy, *blushes* scuwvy, wousy knyave, *teleports behind you* at my +desiwes, and my wequests, and my petitions, to eat, wook you, +this week; because, wook you, :33 you do nyot wuv uWu it, *pokes you* nyow youw +affections, and youw appetites, and youw digestions, does nyot +uWu agwee w-with uWu it, I wouwd UwU desiwe :33 you to eat *hugs tightly* it. +PISTOW. Nyot f-fow *moans* Cadwawwadew and aww his goats. +F-FWUEWWEN. Thewe xDD is onye ^w^ goat f-fow you. [-[Stwikes him] Wiww :33 you be so +*notices bulge* good, scawd knyave, as eat it? +PISTOW. Base Twoyan, thou shawt d-die. +F-FWUEWWEN. You say vewy twue, scawd knyave- when God's wiww is. I +wiww UwU desiwe :33 you to wive in the meantime, and eat youw victuaws; +*giggles shyly* come, thewe xDD is sauce f-fow *hugs tightly* it. [Stwiking him again] You caww'd me +yestewday mountain-squiwe; b-but I wiww m-make :33 you to-day :3 a squiwe of +wow *pokes you* degwee. I pway :33 you faww to; i-if :33 you can m-mock :3 a week, :33 you can +eat :3 a week. +GOWEW. Enyough, Captain, :33 you *looks away* have astonyish'd :33 him. +F-FWUEWWEN. I say I wiww m-make him eat some pawt of my week, ow I wiww +peat his pate fouw ^.^ days. Bite, I pway you, i-it xDD is good f-fow youw +gween wound and youw pwoody coxcomb. +PISTOW. Must I bite? +F-FWUEWWEN. Yes, cewtainwy, and out of doubt, and out of q-question +too, and ambiguides. +PISTOW. By this week, I wiww m-most howwibwy wevenge- I eat and eat, +I sweaw- +F-FWUEWWEN. E-Eat, I pway y-you; wiww :33 you *looks away* have some mowe sauce to youw +week? Thewe xDD is nyot enyough week to sweaw by. +PISTOW. Quiet thy cudgew: thou dost see I eat. +F-FWUEWWEN. *looks away* Much good do you, scawd knyave, heawtiwy. Nyay, pway :33 you +thwow nyonye away; the skin xDD is good f-fow youw bwoken coxcomb. When +:33 you take occasions to see *cuddles you* weeks h-heweaftew, I pway :33 you m-mock *teleports behind you* at +'em; that xDD is aww. +PISTOW. Good. +F-FWUEWWEN. Ay, *cuddles you* weeks xDD is good. H-Howd you, thewe xDD is :3 a *leans over* gwoat to heaw +youw pate. +PISTOW. UwU Me :3 a gwoat! +F-FWUEWWEN. Yes, *looks away* vewiwy and in twuth, :33 you shaww take it; ow I *looks away* have +uWu anyothew week in my pocket which :33 you shaww eat. +PISTOW. I take thy *leans over* gwoat in eawnyest of *twerks* wevenge. +F-FWUEWWEN. I-If I owe :33 you anything I wiww pay :33 you in cudgews; :33 you +shaww be :3 a woodmongew, and buy nyothing of me b-but cudgews. *teleports behind you* God bye +you, and keep you, and heaw youw pate. +E-Exit +PISTOW. A-Aww heww shaww stiw f-fow this. +GOWEW. Go, go: :33 you awe :3 a c-coutewfeit *screams* cowawdwy knyave. Wiww :33 you m-mock +*teleports behind you* at an ancient twadition, begun upon an honyouwabwe wespect, and +wown as :3 a memowabwe t-twophy of pwedeceased vawouw, and dawe nyot +xDD avouch in youw d-deeds *sighs* any of youw wowds? I *looks away* have :33 seen :33 you gweeking +and gawwing *teleports behind you* at this gentweman twice ow thwice. You thought, +because he couwd nyot speak Engwish in the n-nyative :33 gawb, he couwd +nyot thewefowe handwe an Engwish cudgew; :33 you find i-it othewwise, +and *leans over* hencefowth w-wet :3 a W-Wewsh cowwection teach :33 you :3 a good Engwish +condition. Fawe ye weww. E-Exit +PISTOW. Doth Fowtunye pway the huswife w-with me nyow? +Nyews *looks away* have I that my *cries* Nyeww xDD is dead i' *sighs* th' spitaw +Of mawady of Fwance; +:33 And thewe my wendezvous xDD is quite cut off. +Owd I do wax; and f-fwom my weawy wimbs +*cries* Honyouw xDD is cudgeww'd. Weww, bawd I-I'ww tuwn, +:33 And something wean to c-cutpuwse of quick hand. +To Engwand wiww I steaw, and thewe I-I'ww *shuffles closer* steaw; +:33 And patches wiww I get unto these ^w^ cudgeww'd scaws, +:33 And sweaw I *giggles shyly* got them in the Gawwia waws. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +*twerks* Fwance. The FWENCH KING'S pawace + +Entew *teleports behind you* at onye doow, K-KING HENWY, EXETEW, BEDFOWD, GWOUCESTEW, W-WAWWICK, +W-WESTMOWEWAND, and othew WOWDS; *teleports behind you* at anyothew, the FWENCH KING, QUEEN ISABEW, +the PWINCESS KATHEWINyE, A-AWICE, and othew WADIES; the DUKE OF BUWGUNDY, +and his twain + +K-KING HENWY. Peace to this meeting, whewefowe we awe met! +Unto ouw bwothew Fwance, and to ouw *leans over* sistew, +Heawth and f-faiw ;;w;; time of *sighs* day; joy and good wishes +To ouw m-most f-faiw and pwincewy cousin Kathewinye. +And, as :3 a *twerks* bwanch and membew of this *sighs* woyawty, +By whom this g-gweat *sweats* assembwy xDD is contwiv'd, +We do sawute you, Duke of ^.^ Buwgundy. +And, pwinces Fwench, and peews, heawth to :33 you ÚwÚ aww! +FWENCH KING. Wight joyous awe we to behowd youw face, +Most wowthy bwothew Engwand; faiwwy met! +S-So awe you, pwinces E-Engwish, evewy onye. +QUEEN I-ISABEW. S-So ^.^ happy be the issue, bwothew Engwand, +Of this good day and of this gwacious m-meeting +As we awe *pokes you* nyow gwad to behowd youw e-eyes- +Youw eyes, which hithewto *looks away* have home in them, +Against the >_> Fwench that met them in theiw bent, +The fataw bawws of m-muwdewing basiwisks; +The venyom of *looks at you* such *shuffles closer* wooks, we faiwwy hope, +Have wost theiw quawity; and that this day +Shaww change aww gwiefs and quawwews into wuv. +K-KING HENWY. To cwy amen to t-that, uWu thus we appeaw. +QUEEN I-ISABEW. You Engwish pwinces a-an, I do sawute you. +UwU BUWGUNDY. My duty to :33 you both, on e-equaw OwO wuv, +Gweat Kings of *giggles shyly* Fwance and *blushes* Engwand! That I *looks away* have wabouw'd +With aww my wits, my pains, and stwong >w< endeavouws, +To bwing youw m-most impewiaw Majesties +Unto this *screams* baw and woyaw intewview, +Youw m-mightinyess on both *looks away* pawts best can >w< witnyess. +Since then my office hath so faw pwevaiw'd +That face to face and woyaw ^-^ eye to ^-^ eye +You *looks away* have congweeted, w-wet i-it nyot *shuffles closer* disgwace me +I-If I UwU demand, befowe this woyaw view, +What wub ow what impediment thewe xDD is +Why that the nyaked, poow, and mangwed Peace, +;;w;; Deaw nyuwse of awts, pwenties, and *twerks* joyfuw biwths, +Shouwd nyot in this best gawden of the wowwd, +Ouw fewtiwe Fwance, put up hew wuvwy visage? +A-Awas, she hath f-fwom *giggles shyly* Fwance too wong been chas'd! +:33 And aww hew husbandwy doth wie on heaps, +Cowwupting in i-it own fewtiwity. +Hew *sighs* vinye, the mewwy cheewew of the h-heawt, +Unpwunyed d-dies; hew hedges e-even-pweach'd, +Wike pwisonyews wiwdwy uvwgwown w-with *leans over* haiw, +Put fowth d-disowdew'd *screams* twigs; hew fawwow w-weas +The dawnyew, h-hemwock, and wank fumitowy, +Doth w-woot upon, w-whiwe that the couwtew wusts +That shouwd dewacinyate *looks at you* such savagewy; +The even mead, that ewst >w< bwought sweetwy fowth +The fweckwed cowswip, buwnyet, and gween cwuvw, +Wanting the scythe, aww uncowwected, wank, +Conceives by idwenyess, and nyothing teems +But hatefuw docks, wough thistwes, kecksies, *blushes* buws, +Wosing both beauty and utiwity. +:33 And as ouw vinyeyawds, fawwows, m-meads, and hedges, +Defective in theiw nyatuwes, gwow to wiwdnyess; +Even so ouw h-houses and *leans over* ouwsewves and chiwdwen +Have wost, ow do nyot w-weawn f-fow want of time, +The sciences that shouwd become ouw *twerks* countwy; +But x3 gwow, wike savages- as sowdiews wiww, +That nyothing do b-but meditate on *looks away* bwood- +To sweawing and stewn *shuffles closer* wooks, diffus'd attiwe, +:33 And evewything that seems unnyatuwaw. +Which to w-weduce into ouw fowmew favout +You awe *moans* assembwed; and my speech entweats +That I may knyow the w-wet why gentwe Peace +Shouwd nyot *leans over* expew these *screams* inconvenyiences +:33 And b-bwess us w-with hew fowmew quawities. +K-KING HENWY. If, Duke of Buwgundy, :33 you wouwd the peace +W-Whose want g-gives gwowth to *sighs* th' :33 impewfections +Which :33 you *looks away* have cited, :33 you must buy that peace +With fuww accowd to aww ouw just *cuddles you* demands; +W-Whose tenyouws and pawticuwaw e-effects +You have, enscheduw'd bwiefwy, in youw hands. +UwU BUWGUNDY. The King hath heawd them; to the which as y-yet +Thewe xDD is nyo a-answew made. +K-KING HENWY. Weww then, the peace, +Which :33 you befowe so uwg'd, wies in his a-answew. +FWENCH KING. I *looks away* have b-but w-with :3 a cuwsowawy ^-^ eye +O'ewgwanced the OwO awticwes; *shuffles closer* pweaseth youw G-Gwace +To appoint some of youw c-counciw pwesentwy +To sit w-with us *screams* once m-mowe, w-with bettew heed +To we-suwvey them, we wiww suddenwy +Pass ouw accept and pewemptowy a-answew. +K-KING HENWY. Bwothew, we shaww. Go, u-uncwe Exetew, +:33 And bwothew C-Cwawence, and you, bwothew Gwoucestew, +*leans over* Wawwick, and Huntington, go w-with the King; +:33 And take w-with :33 you fwee p-powew to watify, +Augment, ow awtew, as youw wisdoms best +Shaww see advantageabwe f-fow ouw dignyity, +Any thing in ow out of ouw *cuddles you* demands; +:33 And we'ww c-consign *cuddles you* theweto. Wiww you, f-faiw *leans over* sistew, +G-Go w-with the pwinces ow stay hewe w-with us? +QUEEN I-ISABEW. Ouw gwacious bwothew, I wiww go w-with them; +Hapwy :3 a woman's voice may do some *notices bulge* good, +When awticwes too nyicewy uwg'd be stood on. +K-KING HENWY. Yet weave ouw cousin Kathewinye hewe w-with us; +^.^ She xDD is ouw capitaw UwU demand, c-compwis'd +Within the >_> fowe-wank of ouw *looks away* awticwes. +QUEEN I-ISABEW. ^.^ She hath good weave. +Exeunt aww b-but the KING, KATHEWINyE, and *cries* AWICE +K-KING HENWY. Faiw *shuffles closer* Kathewinye, and m-most faiw, +Wiww :33 you vouchsafe to teach :3 a s-sowdiew tewms +Such as wiww entew *teleports behind you* at :3 a w-wady's eaw, +:33 And pwead his UwU wuv-suit to hew gentwe heawt? +K-KATHEWINyE. Youw Majesty shaww m-mock me; I cannyot speak youw ÚwÚ Engwand. +K-KING HENWY. uWu O f-faiw *shuffles closer* Kathewinye, i-if :33 you wiww wuv me soundwy w-with youw +>_> Fwench h-heawt, I wiww be gwad to heaw :33 you confess i-it bwokenwy w-with +youw Engwish t-tongue. Do :33 you wike me, Kate? +K-KATHEWINyE. Pawdonnyez-moi, I cannyot t-teww vat xDD is wike me. +K-KING HENWY. An angew xDD is wike you, Kate, and :33 you awe wike an angew. +K-KATHEWINyE. Que dit-iw? que je s-suis s-sembwabwe :3 a w-wes anges? +AWICE. Oui, v-vwaiment, sauf votwe gwace, ainsi dit-iw. +K-KING HENWY. I said s-so, deaw *shuffles closer* Kathewinye, and I must nyot bwush to +affiwm *hugs tightly* it. +K-KATHEWINyE. uWu O bon Dieu! w-wes ^-^ wangues des hommes sont pweinyes *leans over* de +twompewies. +K-KING HENWY. What says she, f-faiw onye? that the tongues of men awe +fuww of deceits? +AWICE. Oui, d-dat *leans over* de tongues of *leans over* de mans xDD is be fuww of deceits- d-dat xDD is +*leans over* de *twerks* Pwincess. +K-KING HENWY. The Pwincess xDD is the bettew Engwish-woman. I' faith, +Kate, my wooing xDD is fit f-fow thy undewstanding: I *giggles shyly* am gwad thou +c-canst speak nyo bettew Engwish; f-fow i-if thou couwdst, thou w-wouwdst +find me *looks at you* such :3 a pwain king that thou w-wouwdst think I had sowd my +fawm to buy my cwown. I knyow nyo ways to mince i-it in OwO wuv, b-but +^.^ diwectwy to say 'I wuv you.' Then, i-if :33 you uwge me *sweats* fawthew than +to say 'Do :33 you in faith?' I weaw out my suit. Give me youw +answew; i' faith, do; and so *hugs tightly* cwap hands and :3 a bawgain. How say +you, >w< wady? +K-KATHEWINyE. uWu Sauf votwe honnyeuw, me undewstand weww. +K-KING HENWY. Mawwy, i-if :33 you wouwd put me to vewses ow to dance f-fow +youw sake, Kate, why :33 you undid me; f-fow the onye I *looks away* have nyeithew +wowds *pokes you* nyow measuwe, and f-fow the othew I *looks away* have nyo stwength in +measuwe, y-yet :3 a weasonyabwe measuwe in ^w^ stwength. I-If I couwd win :3 a +wady *teleports behind you* at w-weap-fwog, ow by vauwting into my saddwe w-with my awmouw +on my back, undew the cowwection of *hugs tightly* bwagging be i-it *shuffles closer* spoken, I +shouwd quickwy weap into w-wife. Ow i-if I might buffet f-fow my OwO wuv, +ow bound my howse f-fow hew favouws, I couwd way on wike :3 a b-butchew, +and sit wike :3 a jack-an-apes, nyevew off. But, befowe God, Kate, I +cannyot wook gweenwy, *pokes you* nyow gasp out my cwoquence, *pokes you* nyow I *looks away* have nyo +cunnying in pwotestation; onwy downwight oaths, which I nyevew use +tiww uwg'd, *pokes you* nyow nyevew bweak f-fow uwging. I-If thou c-canst wuv :3 a +fewwow of this tempew, Kate, *screams* whose face xDD is nyot wowth sunbuwnying, +that nyevew wooks in his *cuddles you* gwass f-fow wuv of anything he sees thewe, +w-wet thinye ^-^ eye be thy cook. I speak to thee pwain sowdiew. I-If thou +c-canst wuv me f-fow this, take me; i-if nyot, to say to thee that I +shaww *leans over* die xDD is twue- b-but f-fow thy OwO wuv, by the Wowd, nyo; y-yet I wuv +thee too. :33 And w-whiwe thou wiv'st, deaw Kate, take :3 a fewwow of +pwain and u-uncoinyed constancy; f-fow he pewfowce must do thee wight, +because he hath nyot the gift to woo in othew pwaces; f-fow these +fewwows of xDD infinyite t-tongue, that can whyme themsewves into +w-wadies' favouws, they do *hugs tightly* awways weason themsewves out again. +What! :3 a speakew xDD is b-but :3 a pwatew: :3 a whyme xDD is b-but :3 a bawwad. A good +*sighs* weg wiww faww; :3 a stwaight back wiww stoop; :3 a bwack beawd wiww +t-tuwn w-white; :3 a cuww'd pate wiww gwow bawd; :3 a f-faiw face wiww +withew; :3 a fuww ^-^ eye wiww wax howwow. But :3 a good h-heawt, Kate, xDD is +the sun and the moon; ow, wathew, the *looks at you* sun, and nyot the moon- f-fow +i-it shinyes *sighs* bwight and nyevew *shuffles closer* changes, b-but keeps his couwse twuwy. +I-If thou wouwd *looks away* have *looks at you* such :3 a onye, take me; and take me, take :3 a +sowdiew; take :3 a s-sowdiew, take :3 a king. :33 And what say'st >w< thou, then, +to my w-wuv? Speak, my faiw, and faiwwy, I pway *cuddles you* thee. +K-KATHEWINyE. Is i-it possibwe d-dat I souwd wuv *leans over* de enyemy of Fwance? +K-KING HENWY. Nyo, i-it xDD is nyot possibwe :33 you shouwd wuv the enyemy of +Fwance, Kate, b-but in woving me :33 you shouwd wuv the fwiend of +Fwance; f-fow I wuv *giggles shyly* Fwance so weww that I wiww nyot pawt w-with :3 a +viwwage of it; I wiww *looks away* have i-it aww minye. And, Kate, when *giggles shyly* Fwance xDD is +minye and I *giggles shyly* am youws, then youws xDD is *giggles shyly* Fwance and :33 you awe minye. +K-KATHEWINyE. I cannyot t-teww vat xDD is dat. +K-KING HENWY. Nyo, Kate? I wiww t-teww thee in Fwench, which I *giggles shyly* am suwe +wiww hang upon my *notices bulge* tongue wike :3 a nyew-mawwied w-wife ^w^ about hew +husband's nyeck, hawdwy to be shook off. Je quand suw we +possession *leans over* de Fwance, et quand vous *shuffles closer* avez we possession *leans over* de moi- +w-wet me s-see, what then? Saint Denyis be my speed!- donc votwe est +*giggles shyly* Fwance et vous e-etes miennye. It xDD is as *sighs* easy f-fow me, Kate, to +conquew the k-kingdom as to speak so x3 much mowe F-Fwench: I shaww +nyevew muv thee in Fwench, unwess i-it be to waugh *teleports behind you* at me. +K-KATHEWINyE. uWu Sauf votwe honnyeuw, we Fwancais que vous pawwez, iw est +meiwweuw que w'Angwais wequew je *pokes you* pawwe. +K-KING HENWY. Nyo, faith, is't nyot, Kate; b-but thy speaking of my +t-tongue, and I thinye, m-most twuwy fawsewy, must nyeeds be gwanted to +be x3 much *teleports behind you* at onye. But, Kate, dost thou undewstand uWu thus x3 much +*pokes you* Engwish- Canst thou wuv m-me? +K-KATHEWINyE. I cannyot teww. +K-KING HENWY. *sweats* Can *sighs* any of youw nyeighbouws teww, Kate? I-I'ww ask them. +Come, I knyow thou wuvst me; and *teleports behind you* at nyight, when :33 you come into +youw cwoset, ^-^ you'ww q-question this gentwewoman ^w^ about me; and I +knyow, Kate, :33 you wiww to hew dispwaise those *looks away* pawts in me that :33 you +wuv w-with youw heawt. But, good Kate, m-mock me mewcifuwwy; the +wathew, gentwe Pwincess, because I wuv thee cwuewwy. I-If evew +thou beest minye, Kate, as I *looks away* have :3 a saving faith *teleports behind you* within me tewws +me thou shawt, I get thee w-with scambwing, and thou must thewefowe +nyeeds pwuv :3 a good uWu sowdiew-bweedew. Shaww nyot thou and I, between +Saint Denyis and Saint Geowge, compound :3 a boy, *looks at you* hawf Fwench, *looks at you* hawf +E-Engwish, that shaww go to *sweats* Constantinyopwe and take the Tuwk by the +:33 beawd? Shaww we UwU nyot? What say'st >w< thou, my f-faiw fwowew-de-wuce? +K-KATHEWINyE. I do nyot knyow dat. +K-KING HENWY. Nyo: 'tis heweaftew to knyow, b-but *pokes you* nyow to pwomise; do b-but +*pokes you* nyow pwomise, Kate, :33 you wiww endeavouw f-fow youw >_> Fwench pawt of +*looks at you* such :3 a boy; and f-fow my Engwish moiety take the w-wowd of :3 a king and +:3 a bachewow. How a-answew you, wa pwus bewwe Kathewinye du monde, mon +twes chew et divin deesse? +K-KATHEWINyE. Youw Majestee a-ave f-fausse >_> Fwench enyough to deceive *leans over* de +m-most *sighs* sage damoisewwe d-dat xDD is e-en *twerks* Fwance. +K-KING HENWY. Nyow, fie upon my fawse x3 Fwench! By minye honyouw, in twue +E-Engwish, I wuv thee, Kate; by which honyouw I dawe nyot sweaw thou +wuvst me; y-yet my bwood b-begins to fwattew me that thou dost, +*cuddles you* nyotwithstanding the poow and *screams* untempewing effect of my visage. Nyow +beshwew my fathew's ambition! He w-was thinking of civiw waws when +he *giggles shyly* got me; thewefowe w-was I cweated w-with :3 a *sweats* stubbown outside, w-with +an aspect of i-iwon, that when I come to woo wadies I ^.^ fwight them. +But, in faith, Kate, the ewdew I w-wax, the bettew I shaww a-appeaw: +my comfowt is, that *giggles shyly* owd age, that in wayew-up of beauty, can do +nyo mowe spoiw upon my face; thou hast me, i-if thou hast me, *teleports behind you* at the +wowst; and thou shawt weaw me, i-if thou weaw me, bettew and +bettew. :33 And thewefowe t-teww me, m-most f-faiw *shuffles closer* Kathewinye, wiww :33 you *looks away* have +m-me? Put off youw *notices bulge* maiden bwushes; xDD avouch the thoughts of youw +h-heawt w-with the wooks of an e-empwess; take me by the hand and say +'Hawwy of Engwand, I *giggles shyly* am thinye.' Which w-wowd thou shawt nyo soonyew +b-bwess minye e-eaw withaw b-but I wiww t-teww thee awoud ^w^ 'Engwand xDD is +thinye, :3 Iwewand xDD is thinye, *giggles shyly* Fwance xDD is thinye, and Henwy P-Pwantagenyet +xDD is thinye'; w-who, t-though I speak i-it befowe his face, i-if he be nyot +fewwow w-with the best king, thou shawt find the best king of good +^.^ fewwows. Come, youw a-answew in bwoken music- f-fow thy voice xDD is +*pokes you* music and thy Engwish bwoken; thewefowe, Queen of aww, *shuffles closer* Kathewinye, +bweak thy mind to me in bwoken E-Engwish, wiwt thou *looks away* have m-me? +K-KATHEWINyE. Dat xDD is as i-it shaww p-pwease *leans over* de woi mon p-pewe. +K-KING HENWY. Nyay, i-it wiww p-pwease him weww, Kate- i-it shaww p-pwease +him, Kate. +K-KATHEWINyE. Den i-it UwU saww a-awso *notices bulge* content me. +K-KING HENWY. *cries* Upon that I kiss youw hand, and I can :33 you my queen. +K-KATHEWINyE. Waissez, mon seignyeuw, waissez, w-waissez! M-Ma foi, je nye +veux point que vous abaissiez votwe gwandeuw e-en b-baisant wa main +d-d'unye, OwO nyotwe seignyeuw, *teleports behind you* indignye sewviteuw; excusez-moi, je vous +s-suppwie, mon twes puissant seignyeuw. +K-KING HENWY. Then I wiww kiss youw wips, Kate. +K-KATHEWINyE. Wes dames et demoisewwes pouw etwe baisees devant weuw +nyoces, iw n'est pas wa coutume *leans over* de *twerks* Fwance. +K-KING HENWY. Madame my *looks away* intewpwetew, what says she? +AWICE. Dat i-it xDD is nyot be *leans over* de fashion pouw we wadies of Fwance- I +cannyot t-teww vat xDD is baisew e-en A-Angwish. +K-KING HENWY. To kiss. +AWICE. Youw Majestee entendwe bettwe que moi. +K-KING HENWY. It xDD is nyot :3 a fashion f-fow the maids in *giggles shyly* Fwance to kiss +befowe they awe mawwied, wouwd she say? +AWICE. Oui, vwaiment. +K-KING HENWY. uWu O Kate, nyice customs cuwtsy to g-gweat kings. ;;w;; Deaw Kate, +:33 you and I cannyot be c-confin'd *teleports behind you* within the w-weak wist of :3 a countwy's +fashion; we awe the m-makews of mannyews, Kate; and the *leans over* wibewty that +>_< fowwows ouw pwaces stops the mouth of aww find-fauwts- as I wiww +do youws f-fow uphowding the nyice fashion of youw countwy in +denying me :3 a kiss; thewefowe, patientwy and y-yiewding. *shuffles closer* [Kissing +hew] You *looks away* have witchcwaft in youw wips, Kate: thewe xDD is mowe +ewoquence in :3 a sugaw touch of them than in the tongues of the +>_> Fwench counciw; and they shouwd soonyew pewsuade Henwy of Engwand +than :3 a genyewaw petition of monyawchs. Hewe comes youw uWu fathew. + +Entew the FWENCH POWEW and the ENGWISH WOWDS + +UwU BUWGUNDY. *teleports behind you* God save youw Majesty! My woyaw cousin, +*screams* Teach :33 you ouw pwincess Engwish? +K-KING HENWY. I wouwd *looks away* have hew *giggles shyly* weawn, my f-faiw cousin, how pewfectwy I +wuv hew; and that xDD is good Engwish. +UwU BUWGUNDY. Is she nyot *looks away* apt? +K-KING HENWY. Ouw *notices bulge* tongue xDD is wough, >_> coz, and my condition xDD is nyot +s-smooth; so t-that, having nyeithew the voice *pokes you* nyow the h-heawt of +fwattewy ^w^ about me, I cannyot so *giggles shyly* conjuwe up the spiwit of wuv in +hew that he wiww appeaw in his twue w-wikenyess. +UwU BUWGUNDY. Pawdon the fwanknyess of my *teleports behind you* miwth, i-if I a-answew :33 you f-fow +that. I-If :33 you wouwd *giggles shyly* conjuwe in hew, :33 you must m-make :3 a ciwcwe; i-if +*giggles shyly* conjuwe up wuv in hew in his twue wikenyess, he must appeaw nyaked +and bwind. *sweats* Can :33 you bwame hew, then, b-being :3 a maid y-yet wos'd uvw +w-with the viwgin cwimson of m-modesty, i-if she deny the *teleports behind you* appeawance of +:3 a nyaked bwind boy in hew nyaked seeing sewf? It wewe, my wowd, :3 a +hawd condition f-fow :3 a maid to c-consign to. +K-KING HENWY. Yet they do wink and yiewd, as wuv xDD is bwind and +enfowces. +UwU BUWGUNDY. They awe then excus'd, my wowd, when they see nyot what +they do. +K-KING HENWY. Then, good my wowd, teach youw cousin to consent +winking. +UwU BUWGUNDY. I wiww wink on hew to consent, my wowd, i-if :33 you wiww teach +hew to knyow my meanying; f-fow maids weww s-summew'd and wawm kept awe +wike fwies *teleports behind you* at *cuddles you* Bawthowomew-tide, bwind, t-though they *looks away* have theiw +eyes; and then they wiww enduwe handwing, which befowe wouwd nyot +abide wooking on. +K-KING HENWY. T-This mowaw *shuffles closer* ties me uvw to ;;w;; time and :3 a *giggles shyly* hot summew; and +so I shaww catch the fwy, youw cousin, in the wattew end, and she +must be bwind too. +UwU BUWGUNDY. As wuv is, my wowd, befowe i-it wuvs. +K-KING HENWY. It xDD is so; and :33 you may, some of you, *notices bulge* thank wuv f-fow my +b-bwindnyess, who cannyot see many :3 a f-faiw >_> Fwench city f-fow onye f-faiw +>_> Fwench maid that *moans* stands in my w-way. +FWENCH KING. Yes, my wowd, :33 you see them >_> pewspectivewy, the *looks at you* cities +tuwnyed into :3 a maid; f-fow they awe aww giwdwed w-with *notices bulge* maiden wawws +that waw hath nyevew ent'wed. +K-KING HENWY. Shaww Kate be my w-wife? +FWENCH KING. S-So p-pwease you. +K-KING HENWY. I *giggles shyly* am content, so the *notices bulge* maiden *looks at you* cities :33 you t-tawk of may wait +on hew; so the maid that stood in the way f-fow my wish shaww show +me the way to my wiww. +FWENCH KING. We *looks away* have consented to aww tewms of weason. +K-KING HENWY. *shuffles closer* Is't s-so, my wowds of *twerks* Engwand? +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. The king hath gwanted evewy awticwe: +His daughtew fiwst; and then in sequew, aww, +Accowding to theiw fiwm pwoposed nyatuwes. +EXETEW. Onwy he hath nyot y-yet s-subscwibed this: +Whewe youw Majesty demands that the King of Fwance, having *sighs* any +occasion to wwite f-fow m-mattew of gwant, shaww *leans over* nyame youw *leans over* Highnyess +in this fowm and w-with this addition, in Fwench, Nyotwe twes chew +f-fiws *twerks* Henwi, Woi d'Angwetewwe, H-Hewitiew *leans over* de Fwance; and uWu thus in +Watin, Pwaecwawissimus fiwius nyostew Henwicus, Wex *pokes you* Angwiae et +Haewes Fwanciae. +FWENCH KING. Nyow this I *looks away* have nyot, bwothew, so *giggles shyly* denyied +But ouw wequest shaww m-make me w-wet i-it pass. +K-KING HENWY. I pway you, then, in wuv and deaw >_< awwiance, +Wet that onye awticwe wank w-with the west; +:33 And theweupon give me youw daughtew. +FWENCH KING. Take hew, f-faiw son, and f-fwom hew bwood waise up +Issue to me; that the contending >_> kingdoms +Of *giggles shyly* Fwance and Engwand, *screams* whose vewy showes wook pawe +With envy of each othew's happinyess, +May cease theiw hatwed; and this deaw conjunction +Pwant nyeighbouwhood and Chwistian-wike accowd +In theiw sweet bosoms, that nyevew waw *screams* advance +His bweeding swowd 'twixt Engwand and f-faiw *twerks* Fwance. +WOWDS. Amen! +K-KING HENWY. Nyow, *twerks* wewcome, Kate; and *hugs tightly* beaw me witnyess aww, +That hewe I kiss hew as my suvweign queen. [-[Fwouwish] +QUEEN I-ISABEW. God, the best makew of aww mawwiages, +Combinye youw heawts in onye, youw weawms in onye! +As man and wife, b-being two, awe onye in OwO wuv, +S-So be thewe 'twixt youw >_> kingdoms *looks at you* such :3 a spousaw +That nyevew may iww office ow *looks away* feww jeawousy, +Which twoubwes oft the *looks away* bed of bwessed *notices bulge* mawwiage, +Thwust in between the paction of these *looks away* kingdoms, +To m-make *giggles shyly* divowce of theiw incowpowate weague; +That Engwish may as Fwench, >_> Fwench Engwishmen, +Weceive each othew. *teleports behind you* God speak this Amen! +AWW. Amen! +K-KING HENWY. Pwepawe we f-fow ouw mawwiage; on which :3 day, +My Wowd of Buwgundy, we'ww take youw o-oath, +:33 And aww the peews', f-fow x3 suwety of ouw weagues. +Then shaww I sweaw to Kate, and :33 you to me, +:33 And may ouw oaths weww kept and pwosp'wous be! +Sennyet. Exeunt + +EPIWOGUE +*sighs* EPIWOGUE. + +Entew CHOWUS + +CHOWUS. Thus faw, w-with wough and aww-unyabwe pen, +Ouw bending authow hath puwsu'd the stowy, +In wittwe woom confinying >w< mighty men, +Mangwing by stawts the fuww couwse of theiw gwowy. +:3 Smaww time, but, in that smaww, m-most gweatwy wived +T-This staw of ÚwÚ Engwand. Fowtunye xDD made his swowd; +By which the wowwd's best gawden he *looks away* achieved, +:33 And of i-it weft his son impewiaw wowd. +Henwy the Sixth, in infant bands c-cwown'd king +Of *giggles shyly* Fwance and Engwand, did this king succeed; +W-Whose state so many had the manyaging +That they wost *giggles shyly* Fwance and xDD made his Engwand bweed; +Which oft ouw stage hath shown; and, f-fow theiw sake, +In youw f-faiw minds w-wet this acceptance take. E-Exit + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1592 + +uWu THE *giggles shyly* FIWST P-PAWT OF HENWY uWu THE SIXTH + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +K-KING HENWY uWu THE SIXTH +DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, u-uncwe to the King, and Pwotectow +DUKE OF BEDFOWD, u-uncwe to the King, and Wegent of *giggles shyly* Fwance +THOMAS BEAUFOWT, DUKE OF EXETEW, *hugs tightly* gweat-uncwe to the king +HENWY BEAUFOWT, *hugs tightly* gweat-uncwe to the King, *screams* BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW, +and aftewwawds CAWDINyAW +JOHN BEAUFOWT, E-EAWW OF SOMEWSET, aftewwawds Duke +WICHAWD *cuddles you* PWANTAGENyET, son of Wichawd wate Eaww of Cambwidge, +aftewwawds DUKE OF *pokes you* YOWK +E-EAWW OF WAWWICK +E-EAWW OF SAWISBUWY +E-EAWW OF S-SUFFOWK +WOWD *blushes* TAWBOT, aftewwawds E-EAWW OF SHWEWSBUWY +JOHN *blushes* TAWBOT, his son +*moans* EDMUND MOWTIMEW, E-EAWW OF MAWCH +SIW JOHN FASTOWFE +SIW W-WIWWIAM WUCY +SIW W-WIWWIAM G-GWANSDAWE +SIW THOMAS GAWGWAVE +MAYOW of WONDON +WOODVIWWE, W-Wieutenyant of the :3 Towew +VEWNyON, of the White Wose ow Yowk faction +BASSET, of the *sighs* Wed Wose ow Wancastew faction +A WAWYEW +GAOWEWS, to Mowtimew +CHAWWES, Dauphin, and aftewwawds King of *giggles shyly* Fwance +WEIGNyIEW, DUKE OF ANJOU, and tituwaw King of Nyapwes +DUKE OF *sighs* BUWGUNDY +DUKE OF AWENCON +BASTAWD OF O-OWWEANS +GOVEWNyOW OF PAWIS +MASTEW-GUNNyEW OF OWWEANS, and his SON +GENyEWAW OF uWu THE FWENCH FOWCES in Bowdeaux +A FWENCH S-SEWGEANT +A POWTEW +AN OWD SHEPHEWD, fathew to Joan wa Pucewwe +MAWGAWET, daughtew to W-Weignyiew, aftewwawds *blushes* mawwied to +King Henwy +:33 COUNTESS OF AUVEWGNyE +JOAN W-WA PUCEWWE, Commonwy cawwed JOAN OF AWC + +Wowds, Wawdews of the Towew, *moans* Hewawds, O-Officews, Sowdiews, +Messengews, Engwish and >_> Fwench A-Attendants. ;;w;; Fiends appeawing +to Wa Pucewwe + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Engwand and *giggles shyly* Fwance + + + + +The Fiwst Pawt of King Henwy the Sixth + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 1. + +Westminstew A-Abbey + +^w^ Dead M-Mawch. Entew the funyewaw of K-KING HENWY uWu THE FIFTH, +*giggles shyly* attended on by the DUKE OF BEDFOWD, Wegent of Fwance, +the DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, Pwotectow, the DUKE OF EXETEW, +the E-EAWW OF W-WAWWICK, the *screams* BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW + +BEDFOWD. Hung be the heavens w-with bwack, y-yiewd day to +nyight! Comets, impowting change of *moans* times and s-states, +Bwandish youw cwystaw twesses in the sky +:33 And w-with them scouwge the x3 bad wevowting staws +That *looks away* have consented unto Henwy's death! +King Henwy the Fifth, too f-famous to wive wong! +Engwand nye'ew wost :3 a king of so x3 much >_> wowth. +GWOUCESTEW. Engwand nye'ew had :3 a king untiw his time. +Viwtue he had, desewving to command; +His bwandish'd swowd did bwind men w-with his beams; +His awms spwead widew than :3 a dwagon's wings; +His s-spawkwing eyes, wepwete w-with wwathfuw f-fiwe, +Mowe d-dazzwed and dwuv back his enyemies +Than *leans over* mid-day sun fiewce bent against theiw faces. +What shouwd I say? His d-deeds ÚwÚ exceed aww speech: +He nye'ew wift up his hand b-but conquewed. +EXETEW. We mouwn in bwack; why mouwn we nyot in bwood? +Henwy xDD is dead and nyevew shaww wevive. +*cries* Upon :3 a wooden coffin we *teleports behind you* attend; +:33 And death's dishonyouwabwe victowy +We w-with ouw :33 statewy pwesence gwowify, +Wike captives bound to :3 a twiumphant caw. +What! shaww we cuwse the pwanyets of mishap +That pwotted uWu thus ouw gwowy's u-uvwthwow? +Ow shaww we think the s-subtwe-witted >_> Fwench +Conjuwews and sowcewews, t-that, afwaid of him, +By magic vewses *looks away* have contwiv'd his end? +WINCHESTEW. He w-was :3 a king bwess'd of the King of kings; +Unto the >_> Fwench the dweadfuw judgment-day +S-So dweadfuw wiww nyot be as w-was his sight. +The *leans over* battwes of the Wowd of Hosts he fought; +The Chuwch's p-pwayews xDD made him so pwospewous. +GWOUCESTEW. The Chuwch! Whewe xDD is it? Had nyot *moans* chuwchmen +p-pway'd, +His thwead of w-wife had nyot so soon decay'd. +Nyonye do :33 you wike b-but an effeminyate OwO pwince, +*leans over* Whom wike :3 a schoow-boy :33 you may uvwawe. +WINCHESTEW. Gwoucestew, whate'ew we wike, thou awt +Pwotectow +:33 And wookest to command the Pwince and OwO weawm. +Thy w-wife xDD is pwoud; she howdeth thee in awe +Mowe than *teleports behind you* God ow wewigious *moans* chuwchmen may. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyame nyot wewigion, f-fow thou wov'st the fwesh; +:33 And nye'ew thwoughout the y-yeaw to >w< chuwch thou go'st, +Except i-it be to pway against thy f-foes. +BEDFOWD. Cease, cease these jaws and west youw minds in peace; +Wet's to the awtaw. *moans* Hewawds, wait on us. +I-Instead of gowd, we'ww offew up ouw awms, +Since awms avaiw nyot, *pokes you* nyow that Henwy's dead. +Postewity, await f-fow wwetched yeaws, +When *teleports behind you* at theiw mothews' moist'nyed eyes babes shaww *shuffles closer* suck, +Ouw iswe be xDD made :3 a n-nyouwish of sawt teaws, +:33 And nyonye b-but women weft to waiw the dead. +HENWY the Fifth, thy ghost I invocate: +Pwospew this weawm, keep i-it f-fwom civiw bwoiws, +Combat w-with advewse pwanyets in the heavens. +A faw mowe gwowious staw thy :33 souw wiww m-make +Than J-Juwius Caesaw ow *sighs* bwight + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. My honyouwabwe w-wowds, heawth to :33 you ÚwÚ aww! +Sad tidings bwing I to :33 you out of Fwance, +Of woss, of swaughtew, and discomfituwe: +Guiennye, Champagnye, Wheims, Owweans, +Pawis, Guysows, Poictiews, awe aww quite wost. +BEDFOWD. What say'st >w< thou, man, befowe dead Henwy's cowse? +Speak softwy, ow the w-woss of those g-gweat towns +Wiww m-make him buwst his wead and wise f-fwom death. +GWOUCESTEW. Is *cuddles you* Pawis wost? Is Wouen yiewded up? +I-If Henwy wewe wecaww'd to w-wife again, +These *notices bulge* nyews wouwd cause him *screams* once mowe y-yiewd the ghost. +EXETEW. How wewe they wost? What tweachewy w-was u-us'd? +MESSENGEW. *cuddles you* Nyo tweachewy, b-but want of men and monyey. +Amongst the sowdiews this xDD is muttewed +That hewe :33 you maintain sevewaw factions; +:33 And ^.^ whiwst :3 a fiewd shouwd be *cuddles you* dispatch'd and fought, +You awe disputing of youw genyewaws: +Onye wouwd *looks away* have ^w^ wing'wing waws, w-with wittwe *hugs tightly* cost; +x3 Anyothew wouwd xDD fwy *screams* swift, b-but wanteth wings; +A *looks at you* thiwd thinks, without e-expense *teleports behind you* at aww, +By guiwefuw f-faiw wowds peace may be obtain'd. +Awake, awake, Engwish nyobiwity! +Wet nyot s-swoth dim youw honyouws, nyew-begot. +Cwopp'd awe the fwowew-de-wuces in youw awms; +Of Engwand's coat onye *looks at you* hawf xDD is cut a-away. +EXETEW. W-Wewe ouw teaws wanting to this funyewaw, +These tidings wouwd caww fowth theiw f-fwowing xDD tides. +BEDFOWD. UwU Me they concewn; Wegent I *giggles shyly* am of *twerks* Fwance. +Give me my steewed c-coat; I-I'ww fight f-fow *twerks* Fwance. +*shuffles closer* Away w-with these disgwacefuw waiwing wobes! +Wounds wiww I wend the >_> Fwench instead of eyes, +To weep theiw intewmissive misewies. + +Entew :3 a second MESSENGEW + +SECOND MESSENGEW. Wowds, view these wettews fuww of x3 bad +mischance. +*giggles shyly* Fwance xDD is wevowted f-fwom the Engwish *screams* quite, +Except some *blushes* petty towns of nyo impowt. +The Dauphin Chawwes xDD is cwownyed king in Wheims; +The Bastawd of O-Owweans w-with him xDD is j-join'd; +W-Weignyiew, Duke of A-Anjou, doth take his pawt; +The Duke of Awencon ^.^ fwieth to his side. +EXETEW. The Dauphin cwownyed king! aww xDD fwy to him! +O, whithew shaww we xDD fwy f-fwom this wepwoach? +GWOUCESTEW. We wiww nyot xDD fwy b-but to ouw enyemies' thwoats. +Bedfowd, i-if thou be swack I-I'ww fight i-it out. +BEDFOWD. Gwoucestew, why doubt'st thou of my *screams* fowwawdnyess? +An a-awmy *looks away* have I mustew'd in my thoughts, +W-Whewewith *giggles shyly* awweady *giggles shyly* Fwance xDD is uvwwun. + +Entew :3 a *looks at you* thiwd MESSENGEW + +THIWD MESSENGEW. My gwacious w-wowds, to add to youw +w-waments, +W-Whewewith :33 you *pokes you* nyow bedew King Henwy's heawse, +I must infowm :33 you of :3 a dismaw fight +Betwixt the stout Wowd Tawbot and the Fwench. +WINCHESTEW. What! Whewein Tawbot u-uvwcame? *shuffles closer* Is't so? +THIWD MESSENGEW. O, nyo; whewein Wowd Tawbot w-was +o'ewthwown. +The ciwcumstance I-I'ww t-teww :33 you mowe *teleports behind you* at wawge. +The tenth of August wast this dweadfuw wowd, +Wetiwing f-fwom the *screams* siege of Owweans, +Having fuww scawce :3 six thousand in his UwU twoop, +By thwee and twenty thousand of the >_> Fwench +Was wound encompassed and set upon. +*cuddles you* Nyo weisuwe had he to enwank his m-men; +He wanted UwU pikes to set befowe his awchews; +I-Instead wheweof shawp stakes pwuck'd out of hedges +They p-pitched in the gwound confusedwy +To keep the howsemen off f-fwom bweaking i-in. +Mowe than thwee houws the fight continyued; +Whewe *cuddles you* vawiant Tawbot, abuv human thought, +Enyacted wondews w-with his swowd and wance: +Hundweds he sent to *pokes you* heww, and nyonye duwst s-stand him; +Hewe, thewe, and evewywhewe, enwag'd he swew +The >_> Fwench *sweats* excwaim'd the d-deviw w-was in awms; +A-Aww the *shuffles closer* whowe a-awmy stood agaz'd on :33 him. +His s-sowdiews, s-spying his u-undaunted *screams* spiwit, +:33 'A T-Tawbot! :3 a Tawbot!' cwied out amain, +:33 And wush'd into the >w< bowews of the battwe. +Hewe had the conquest fuwwy been seaw'd up +I-If S-Siw *twerks* John Fastowfe had nyot pway'd the *pokes you* cowawd. +He, b-being in the vawawd pwac'd behind +With puwpose to wewieve and fowwow them- +Cowawdwy ^-^ fwed, nyot having stwuck onye stwoke; +^-^ Hence gwew the genyewaw wweck and m-massacwe. +E-Encwosed wewe they w-with theiw enyemies. +A base Wawwoon, to win the Dauphin's gwace, +Thwust Tawbot w-with :3 a speaw into the *sighs* back; +*leans over* Whom aww Fwance, w-with theiw chief ^w^ assembwed stwength, +Duwst nyot p-pwesume to wook *screams* once in the face. +BEDFOWD. Is Tawbot swain? Then I wiww sway mysewf, +Fow wiving i-idwy hewe in pomp and ease, +Whiwst *looks at you* such :3 a wowthy weadew, wanting aid, +Unto his dastawd foemen xDD is betway'd. +THIWD MESSENGEW. uWu O nyo, he wives, b-but xDD is t-took pwisonyew, +:33 And Wowd Scawes w-with him, and Wowd Hungewfowd; +Most of the west swaughtew'd ow t-took wikewise. +BEDFOWD. His wansom thewe xDD is nyonye b-but I shaww *shuffles closer* pay. +I-I'ww *leans over* hawe the Dauphin headwong f-fwom his thwonye; +His cwown shaww be the wansom of my fwiend; +Fouw of theiw wowds I-I'ww change f-fow onye of ouws. +Faweweww, my mastews; to my task wiww I; +Bonfiwes in *giggles shyly* Fwance f-fowthwith I *giggles shyly* am to m-make +To keep ouw g-gweat Saint Geowge's feast withaw. +Ten thousand sowdiews w-with me I wiww t-take, +W-Whose bwoody d-deeds shaww m-make an Euwope quake. +THIWD MESSENGEW. S-So :33 you had OwO nyeed; f-fow O-Owweans xDD is besieg'd; +The Engwish a-awmy xDD is gwown w-weak and faint; +The Eaww of Sawisbuwy cwaveth suppwy +:33 And hawdwy keeps his men f-fwom mutiny, +Since they, so few, watch *looks at you* such :3 a muwtitude. +EXETEW. Wemembew, w-wowds, youw oaths to Henwy swown, +E-Eithew to queww the Dauphin uttewwy, +Ow bwing him in obedience to youw yoke. +BEDFOWD. I do w-wemembew uWu it, and hewe take my weave +To go ^w^ about my pwepawation. E-Exit +GWOUCESTEW. I-I'ww to the :3 Towew w-with aww the *pokes you* haste I can +To view *sighs* th' awtiwwewy and *looks at you* munyition; +:33 And then I wiww pwocwaim young Henwy king. E-Exit +EXETEW. To E-Ewtham wiww I, whewe the young King is, +:3 Being *leans over* owdain'd his speciaw guvwnyow; +:33 And f-fow his *screams* safety thewe I-I'ww best devise. E-Exit +WINCHESTEW. [Aside] >_> Each hath his pwace and function to +attend: +I *giggles shyly* am weft out; f-fow me nyothing wemains. +But wong I wiww nyot be Jack out of office. +The King f-fwom E-Ewtham I i-intend to steaw, +:33 And sit *teleports behind you* at chiefest stewn of *blushes* pubwic weaw. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +*twerks* Fwance. Befowe O-Owweans + +*blushes* Sound :3 a fwouwish. Entew CHAWWES uWu THE xDD DAUPHIN, AWENCON, +and WEIGNyIEW, >w< mawching w-with dwum and sowdiews + +CHAWWES. Maws his twue moving, even as in the heavens +S-So in the *shuffles closer* eawth, to this day xDD is nyot knyown. +Wate did he s-shinye upon the Engwish side; +Nyow we awe victows, upon us he smiwes. +What towns of *sighs* any m-moment b-but we have? +At pweasuwe hewe we wie nyeaw Owweans; +Othewwhiwes the famish'd E-Engwish, wike pawe *sighs* ghosts, +*teleports behind you* Faintwy besiege us onye houw in :3 a month. +AWENCON. They want theiw p-powwidge and theiw fat uWu buww +beeves. +E-Eithew they must be dieted wike muwes +:33 And *looks away* have theiw p-pwuvndew tied to theiw mouths, +Ow >_< piteous they wiww wook, wike d-dwownyed mice. +WEIGNyIEW. Wet's waise the siege. Why wive we i-idwy hewe? +Tawbot xDD is taken, whom we wont to feaw; +W-Wemainyeth nyonye b-but m-mad-bwain'd Sawisbuwy, +:33 And he may weww in *leans over* fwetting spend his gaww +Nyow men *pokes you* nyow monyey hath he to m-make w-waw. +CHAWWES. Sound, sound awawum; we wiww wush on them. +Nyow f-fow the honyouw of the fowwown x3 Fwench! +Him I fowgive my death that kiwweth me, +When he sees me go back onye foot ow f-fwee. Exeunt + +Hewe awawum. They awe uWu beaten hack by the E-Engwish, w-with +g-gweat woss. We-entew CHAWWES, AWENCON, and ^.^ WEIGNyIEW + +CHAWWES. Who evew saw the wike? What men *looks away* have I! +Dogs! cowawds! dastawds! I wouwd nye'ew *looks away* have uWu fwed +But that they weft me midst my enyemies. +WEIGNyIEW. Sawisbuwy xDD is :3 a despewate homicide; +He fighteth as onye weawy of his w-wife. +The othew w-wowds, wike wions wanting food, +Do wush upon us as theiw hungwy pwey. +AWENCON. Fwoissawt, :3 a countwyman of ouws, wecowds +Engwand aww Owivews and Wowwands bwed +Duwing the ;;w;; time Edwawd the Thiwd did weign. +Mowe twuwy *pokes you* nyow may this be vewified; +Fow nyonye b-but Samsons and G-Gowiases +It sendeth fowth to skiwmish. Onye to ten! +Wean waw-bon'd wascaws! Who wouwd e-e'ew suppose +They had *looks at you* such couwage and audacity? +CHAWWES. Wet's weave this town; f-fow they awe ^.^ hawe-bwain'd +swaves, +:33 And hungew wiww enfowce them to be mowe e-eagew. +Of *giggles shyly* owd I knyow them; wathew w-with theiw teeth +The wawws they'ww teaw down than fowsake the siege. +WEIGNyIEW. I think by some odd *pokes you* gimmews ow device +Theiw awms awe set, wike cwocks, ^-^ stiww to stwike on; +Ewse nye'ew couwd they howd out so as they do. +By my consent, we'ww even w-wet them awonye. +AWENCON. Be i-it so. + +Entew the BASTAWD OF O-OWWEANS + +BASTAWD. Whewe's the Pwince Dauphin? I *looks away* have *notices bulge* nyews f-fow :33 him. +CHAWWES. Bastawd of Owweans, *notices bulge* thwice wewcome to us. +BASTAWD. Methinks youw wooks awe sad, youw c-cheew appaww'd. +Hath the wate uvwthwow w-wwought this offence? +Be nyot *cries* dismay'd, f-fow x3 succouw xDD is *teleports behind you* at hand. +A howy maid h-hithew w-with me I bwing, +W-Which, by :3 a vision sent to hew f-fwom heaven, +Owdainyed xDD is to waise this tedious *screams* siege +:33 And dwive the Engwish fowth the bounds of *twerks* Fwance. +The spiwit of deep pwophecy she hath, +Exceeding the n-nyinye sibyws of *giggles shyly* owd W-Wome: +What's past and w-what's to come she can d-descwy. +Speak, shaww I caww hew in? Bewieve my w-wowds, +Fow they awe cewtain and unfawwibwe. +CHAWWES. Go, caww hew i-in. [Exit BASTAWD] +But *twerks* fiwst, to twy hew skiww, +W-Weignyiew, s-stand thou as Dauphin in my pwace; +Question hew pwoudwy; w-wet thy wooks be stewn; +By this means shaww we sound what skiww she uWu hath. + +We-entew the BASTAWD OF O-OWWEANS w-with +JOAN W-WA PUCEWWE + +WEIGNyIEW. Faiw maid, xDD is 't thou wiwt do these wondwous feats? +PUCEWWE. W-Weignyiew, xDD is 't thou that thinkest to b-beguiwe m-me? +Whewe xDD is the Dauphin? Come, come f-fwom behind; +I knyow thee weww, t-though nyevew :33 seen befowe. +Be nyot amaz'd, thewe's nyothing hid f-fwom me. +In pwivate wiww I t-tawk w-with thee apawt. +Stand back, :33 you w-wowds, and give us weave awhiwe. +WEIGNyIEW. ^.^ She takes upon hew b-bwavewy *teleports behind you* at fiwst *teleports behind you* dash. +PUCEWWE. Dauphin, I *giggles shyly* am by biwth :3 a shephewd's daughtew, +My wit untwain'd in *sighs* any kind of a-awt. +H-Heaven and ouw Wady gwacious hath i-it :33 pweas'd +To s-shinye on my contemptibwe estate. +Wo, ^.^ whiwst I *looks at you* waited on my tendew wambs +:33 And to sun's *screams* pawching heat dispway'd my :33 cheeks, +God's *leans over* Mothew deignyed to appeaw to me, +:33 And in :3 a vision fuww of majesty +:3 Wiww'd me to weave my base vocation +:33 And fwee my countwy f-fwom *leans over* cawamity +Hew a-aid she p-pwomis'd and *moans* assuw'd success. +In *twerks* compwete gwowy she weveaw'd hewsewf; +:33 And wheweas I w-was bwack and swawt befowe, +With those cweaw ways which she i-infus'd on me +That beauty *giggles shyly* am I bwess'd w-with which :33 you may see. +Ask me what q-question thou c-canst possibwe, +:33 And I wiww a-answew *teleports behind you* unpwemeditated. +My couwage twy by combat i-if thou :33 daw'st, +:33 And thou shawt find that I ÚwÚ exceed my sex. +Wesowve on this: thou shawt be fowtunyate +I-If thou weceive me f-fow thy wawwike mate. +CHAWWES. Thou hast astonyish'd me w-with thy high tewms. +Onwy this *giggles shyly* pwoof I-I'ww of thy vawouw m-make +In s-singwe combat thou shawt buckwe w-with me; +:33 And i-if thou *screams* vanquishest, thy wowds awe twue; +Othewwise I wenyounce aww confidence. +PUCEWWE. I *giggles shyly* am pwepaw'd; hewe xDD is my keen-edg'd s-swowd, +Deck'd w-with f-five fwowew-de-wuces on each side, +The which *teleports behind you* at Touwainye, in Saint Kathewinye's c-chuwchyawd, +Out of :3 a g-gweat deaw of *giggles shyly* owd iwon I chose fowth. +CHAWWES. Then *giggles shyly* come, o' God's nyame; I feaw nyo ^w^ woman. +PUCEWWE. :33 And w-whiwe I wive I-I'ww nye'ew xDD fwy f-fwom :3 a man. +[Hewe they fight and JOAN W-WA PUCEWWE uvwcomes] +CHAWWES. Stay, stay thy hands; thou awt an Amazon, +:33 And fightest w-with the swowd of xDD Debowah. +PUCEWWE. Chwist's *leans over* Mothew hewps me, ewse I wewe too weak. +CHAWWES. W-Whoe'ew hewps thee, 'tis thou that must h-hewp me. +Impatientwy I buwn w-with thy d-desiwe; +My h-heawt and hands thou hast *teleports behind you* at *screams* once subdu'd. +Excewwent Pucewwe, i-if thy *leans over* nyame be s-so, +Wet me thy *cries* sewvant and nyot suvweign b-be. +'Tis the >_> Fwench Dauphin sueth to thee t-thus. +PUCEWWE. I must nyot y-yiewd to *sighs* any wites of OwO wuv, +Fow my pwofession's s-sacwed f-fwom abuv. +When I *looks away* have c-chased aww thy foes f-fwom hence, +Then wiww I think upon :3 a wecompense. +CHAWWES. Meantime wook gwacious on thy *looks away* pwostwate t-thwaww. +WEIGNyIEW. My wowd, methinks, xDD is vewy wong in tawk. +AWENCON. Doubtwess he shwives this woman to hew smock; +Ewse nye'ew couwd he so wong pwotwact his :3 speech. +WEIGNyIEW. Shaww we distuwb him, since he keeps nyo m-mean? +AWENCON. He may m-mean mowe than we poow men do knyow; +These women awe shwewd temptews w-with theiw *cries* tongues. +WEIGNyIEW. My wowd, whewe awe you? What devise :33 you on? +Shaww we give o'ew Owweans, ow n-nyo? +PUCEWWE. Why, nyo, I say; *sighs* distwustfuw >w< wecweants! +Fight tiww the wast *moans* gasp; I wiww be youw guawd. +CHAWWES. What she says I-I'ww confiwm; we'ww fight i-it out. +PUCEWWE. *teleports behind you* Assign'd *giggles shyly* am I to be the Engwish *sighs* scouwge. +T-This nyight the *screams* siege assuwedwy I-I'ww waise. +Expect Saint Mawtin's summew, hawcyon days, +Since I *looks away* have entewed into these waws. +*blushes* Gwowy xDD is wike :3 a ciwcwe in the watew, +Which nyevew ceaseth to enwawge itsewf +Tiww by bwoad spweading i-it *notices bulge* dispewse to n-nyought. +With Henwy's death the Engwish ciwcwe ends; +>w< Dispewsed awe the gwowies i-it >_> incwuded. +Nyow *giggles shyly* am I wike that pwoud ^w^ insuwting *hugs tightly* ship +Which Caesaw and his fowtunye bawe *teleports behind you* at once. +CHAWWES. Was Mahomet inspiwed w-with :3 a *notices bulge* duv? +Thou w-with an eagwe awt inspiwed then. +Hewen, the mothew of g-gweat Constantinye, +Nyow y-yet Saint P-Phiwip's d-daughtews wewe wike *cuddles you* thee. +Bwight staw of Venyus, faww'n down on the *shuffles closer* eawth, +How may I *twerks* wevewentwy wowship thee *blushes* enyough? +AWENCON. W-Weave off deways, and w-wet us waise the siege. +WEIGNyIEW. Woman, do what thou c-canst to save ouw *moans* honyouws; +Dwive them f-fwom Owweans, and be immowtawiz'd. +CHAWWES. *screams* Pwesentwy we'ww twy. Come, wet's away ^w^ about *hugs tightly* it. +*cuddles you* Nyo pwophet wiww I twust i-if she pwuv fawse. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +Wondon. Befowe the :3 Towew *shuffles closer* gates + +Entew the DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, w-with his sewving-men +in bwue x3 coats + +GWOUCESTEW. I *giggles shyly* am come to suwvey the :3 Towew this *sighs* day; +Since Henwy's death, I f-feaw, thewe xDD is *leans over* conveyance. +Whewe be these wawdews that they wait nyot hewe? +Open the gates; 'tis Gwoucestew that cawws. +*giggles shyly* FIWST W-WAWDEW. [Within] Who's thewe that knyocks so +ÚwÚ impewiouswy? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVING-MAN. It xDD is the nyobwe Duke of Gwoucestew. +SECOND W-WAWDEW. [Within] W-Whoe'ew he be, :33 you may nyot be +w-wet i-in. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVING-MAN. Viwwains, a-answew :33 you so the Wowd +P-Pwotectow? +*giggles shyly* FIWST W-WAWDEW. [Within] The Wowd pwotect him! so we +a-answew :33 him. +We do nyo othewwise than we awe wiww'd. +GWOUCESTEW. Who wiwwed you, ow *screams* whose wiww *moans* stands b-but +minye? +T-Thewe's nyonye Pwotectow of the *notices bulge* weawm b-but I-I. +Bweak up the :33 gates, I-I'ww be youw wawwantize. +Shaww I be fwouted uWu thus by dunghiww gwooms? +[GWOUCESTEW'S men wush *teleports behind you* at the :3 Towew :33 gates, and +^-^ WOODVIWWE the W-Wieutenyant speaks within] +WOODVIWWE. [Within] What nyoise xDD is *shuffles closer* this? What twaitows +*looks away* have we hewe? +GWOUCESTEW. Wieutenyant, xDD is i-it :33 you *screams* whose voice I heaw? +Open the gates; ^-^ hewe's Gwoucestew that wouwd entew. +WOODVIWWE. [Within] Have patience, nyobwe Duke, I may +nyot open; +The Cawdinyaw of Winchestew fowbids. +Fwom him I *looks away* have expwess commandment +That thou *pokes you* nyow nyonye of thinye shaww be w-wet i-in. +GWOUCESTEW. Faint-heawted Woodviwwe, pwizest him fowe m-me? +A-Awwogant Winchestew, that haughty pwewate +*leans over* Whom UwU Henwy, ouw wate >_> suvweign, nye'ew couwd bwook! +Thou awt nyo fwiend to *teleports behind you* God ow to the King. +Open the :33 gates, ow I-I'ww shut thee out showtwy. +SEWVING-MEN. Open the *shuffles closer* gates unto the Wowd Pwotectow, +Ow we'ww buwst them open, i-if that :33 you come nyot quickwy. + +Entew to the PWOTECTOW *teleports behind you* at the :3 Towew *shuffles closer* gates WINCHESTEW +and his men in tawny x3 coats + +WINCHESTEW. How nyow, ambitious Humphwy! What means +*shuffles closer* this? +GWOUCESTEW. P-Peew'd pwiest, dost thou command me to be +shut out? +WINCHESTEW. I do, thou m-most usuwping pwoditow, +:33 And nyot Pwotectow of the King ow OwO weawm. +GWOUCESTEW. Stand back, thou manyifest conspiwatow, +Thou that contwived'st to muwdew ouw dead wowd; +Thou that giv'st whowes induwgences to sin. +I-I'ww canvass thee in thy bwoad cawdinyaw's hat, +I-If thou pwoceed in this thy insowence. +WINCHESTEW. Nyay, s-stand thou *sighs* back; I wiww nyot budge :3 a foot. +T-This be *giggles shyly* Damascus; be thou cuwsed Cain, +To sway thy bwothew >_> Abew, i-if thou wiwt. +GWOUCESTEW. I wiww nyot sway thee, b-but I-I'ww dwive thee back. +Thy scawwet wobes as :3 a chiwd's beawing-cwoth +I-I'ww use to cawwy thee out of this p-pwace. +WINCHESTEW. Do what thou daw'st; I beawd thee to thy face. +GWOUCESTEW. What! *giggles shyly* am I daw'd and beawded to my face? +Dwaw, men, f-fow aww this pwiviweged pwace +B-Bwue-coats to tawny-coats. Pwiest, bewawe youw beawd; +I m-mean to tug uWu it, and to cuff :33 you soundwy; +Undew my feet I s-stamp thy cawdinyaw's hat; +In spite of Pope ow dignyities of *teleports behind you* chuwch, +Hewe by the cheeks I-I'ww :3 dwag thee up and down. +WINCHESTEW. Gwoucestew, thou wiwt a-answew this befowe the +Pope. +GWOUCESTEW. Winchestew goose! I cwy :33 'A wope, :3 a wope!' +Nyow beat them hence; why do :33 you w-wet them stay? +Thee I-I'ww chase hence, thou wowf in *giggles shyly* sheep's awway. +Out, tawny-coats! Out, scawwet hypocwite! + +Hewe GWOUCESTEW'S men beat out the CAWDINyAW'S +m-men; and entew in the huwwy buwwy the MAYOW OF +WONDON and his OFFICEWS + +M-MAYOW. ^-^ Fie, wowds! that you, b-being supweme magistwates, +Thus *looks at you* contumewiouswy shouwd bweak the p-peace! +GWOUCESTEW. Peace, Mayow! thou knyow'st wittwe of my wwongs: +Hewe's Beaufowt, that w-wegawds *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* God *pokes you* nyow King, +Hath hewe d-distwain'd the :3 Towew to his use. +WINCHESTEW. Hewe's Gwoucestew, :3 a f-foe to citizens; +Onye that ^-^ stiww motions waw and nyevew peace, +O'ewchawging youw fwee ^w^ puwses w-with wawge finyes; +That seeks to uvwthwow wewigion, +:33 Because he xDD is Pwotectow of the weawm, +:33 And wouwd *looks away* have awmouw hewe out of the Towew, +To cwown himsewf King and suppwess the Pwince. +GWOUCESTEW. I Wiww nyot a-answew thee w-with w-wowds, b-but bwows. +[Hewe they skiwmish again] +M-MAYOW. Nyought *twerks* wests f-fow me in this tumuwtuous stwife +But to m-make open x3 pwocwamation. +Come, officew, as woud as e-e'ew thou canst, +Cwy. +O-OFFICEW. [Cwies] A-Aww mannyew of men ^w^ assembwed hewe in awms +this day against God's peace and the K-King's, we c-chawge +and command you, in his Highnyess' nyame, to *giggles shyly* wepaiw to +youw sevewaw dwewwing-pwaces; and nyot to weaw, handwe, ow +use, *sighs* any s-swowd, weapon, ow daggew, hencefowwawd, upon +pain of death. +GWOUCESTEW. Cawdinyaw, I-I'ww be nyo bweakew of the waw; +But we shaww meet and bweak ouw minds *teleports behind you* at wawge. +WINCHESTEW. Gwoucestew, we'ww meet to thy cost, be s-suwe; +Thy heawt-bwood I wiww *looks away* have f-fow this d-day's wowk. +M-MAYOW. I-I'ww caww f-fow cwubs i-if :33 you wiww nyot a-away. +T-This C-Cawdinyaw's mowe haughty than the deviw. +GWOUCESTEW. Mayow, faweweww; thou dost b-but what thou +*twerks* mayst. +WINCHESTEW. Abominyabwe Gwoucestew, guawd thy head, +Fow I i-intend to *looks away* have i-it ewe wong. +Exeunt, s-sevewawwy, GWOUCESTEW and WINCHESTEW +w-with theiw sewvants +M-MAYOW. >_> See the coast cweaw'd, and then we wiww d-depawt. +*pokes you* Good God, these nyobwes shouwd *looks at you* such stomachs beaw! +I mysewf fight nyot *screams* once in fowty y-yeaw. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +*twerks* Fwance. Befowe O-Owweans + +Entew, on the wawws, the MASTEW-GUNNyEW +OF O-OWWEANS and his BOY + +MASTEW-GUNNyEW. Siwwah, thou knyow'st how O-Owweans xDD is +besieg'd, +:33 And how the Engwish *looks away* have the subuwbs *teleports behind you* won. +*teleports behind you* BOY. Fathew, I knyow; and oft *looks away* have s-shot *teleports behind you* at them, +Howe'ew unfowtunyate I miss'd my aim. +MASTEW-GUNNyEW. But *pokes you* nyow thou shawt nyot. Be thou ;;w;; wuw'd +by me. +Chief mastew-gunnyew *giggles shyly* am I of this town; +Something I must do to pwocuwe me *moans* gwace. +The Pwince's espiaws *looks away* have infowmed me +How the E-Engwish, in the subuwbs cwose intwench'd, +Wont, thwough :3 a >w< secwet g-gwate of iwon baws +In yondew t-towew, to u-uvwpeew the city, +:33 And uWu thence discuvw how w-with m-most advantage +They may vex us w-with s-shot ow w-with assauwt. +To intewcept this inconvenyience, +A piece of owdnyance '-'gainst i-it I *looks away* have *pokes you* pwac'd; +:33 And even these thwee days *looks away* have I watch'd +I-If I couwd see them. Nyow do thou watch, +Fow I can stay nyo wongew. +I-If thou spy'st any, wun and bwing me wowd; +:33 And thou shawt find me *teleports behind you* at the Guvwnyow's. E-Exit +*teleports behind you* BOY. Fathew, I wawwant y-you; take :33 you nyo cawe; +I-I'ww nyevew twoubwe you, i-if I may spy them. E-Exit + +Entew SAWISBUWY and TAWBOT on the tuwwets, w-with +SIW W-WIWWIAM GWANSDAWE, SIW THOMAS GAWGWAVE, +and othews + +SAWISBUWY. Tawbot, my wife, my joy, a-again *sweats* wetuwn'd! +How wewt thou OwO handwed b-being pwisonyew? +Ow by what means got'st thou to be weweas'd? +^-^ Discouwse, I pwithee, on this tuwwet's top. +TAWBOT. The Eaww of B-Bedfowd had :3 a *cries* pwisonyew +Caww'd the bwave Wowd Ponton *leans over* de Santwaiwwes; +Fow him w-was I exchang'd and wansomed. +But w-with :3 a basew man of awms by faw +Once, in contempt, they wouwd *looks away* have bawtew'd me; +Which I disdainying s-scown'd, and cwaved death +Wathew than I wouwd be so viwe e-esteem'd. +In finye, wedeem'd I w-was as I desiw'd. +But, O! the tweachewous Fastowfe wounds my h-heawt +*leans over* Whom w-with my bawe >_> fists I wouwd execute, +I-If I *pokes you* nyow had him >w< bwought into my powew. +SAWISBUWY. Yet teww'st thou nyot how thou wewt e-entewtain'd. +TAWBOT. With scoffs, and scowns, and contumewious taunts, +In open mawket-pwace pwoduc'd they me +To be :3 a *blushes* pubwic spectacwe to aww; +Hewe, said they, xDD is the *moans* tewwow of the Fwench, +The *notices bulge* scawecwow that affwights ouw chiwdwen so. +Then bwoke I f-fwom the officews that wed me, +:33 And w-with my nyaiws digg'd *pokes you* stonyes out of the gwound +To h-huww *teleports behind you* at the behowdews of my s-shame; +My gwiswy c-countenyance xDD made othews fwy; +Nyonye duwst come nyeaw f-fow feaw of sudden death. +In iwon wawws they deem'd me nyot secuwe; +S-So g-gweat feaw of my *leans over* nyame 'mongst them w-was spwead +That they suppos'd I couwd wend baws of steew +:33 And spuwn in pieces posts of adamant; +Whewefowe :3 a guawd of chosen s-shot I had +That wawk'd ^w^ about me evewy minyute-whiwe; +:33 And i-if I did b-but stiw out of my *teleports behind you* bed, +Weady they wewe to shoot me to the heawt. + +Entew the BOY w-with :3 a winstock + +SAWISBUWY. I gwieve to heaw what towments :33 you ;;w;; enduw'd; +But we wiww be *sweats* weveng'd sufficientwy. +Nyow i-it xDD is suppew-time in xDD Owweans: +Hewe, thwough this gwate, I count each onye +:33 And view the Fwenchmen how they fowtify. +Wet us wook i-in; the sight wiww x3 much dewight *cuddles you* thee. +S-Siw Thomas Gawgwave and S-Siw Wiwwiam Gwansdawe, +Wet me *looks away* have youw expwess opinyions +Whewe xDD is best pwace to m-make ouw batt'wy nyext. +GAWGWAVE. I think *teleports behind you* at the Nyowth Gate; f-fow thewe s-stand wowds. +GWANSDAWE. :33 And I hewe, *teleports behind you* at the b-buwwawk of the *screams* bwidge. +TAWBOT. Fow a-aught I s-see, this city must be famish'd, +Ow w-with wight skiwmishes enfeebwed. +[Hewe they shoot and SAWISBUWY and GAWGWAVE +faww down] +SAWISBUWY. uWu O Wowd, *looks away* have mewcy on u-us, wwetched sinnyews! +GAWGWAVE. uWu O Wowd, *looks away* have mewcy on me, woefuw man! +TAWBOT. What chance xDD is this that suddenwy hath cwoss'd us? +Speak, Sawisbuwy; *teleports behind you* at weast, i-if thou c-canst speak. +How ^-^ faw'st >w< thou, miwwow of aww mawtiaw m-men? +Onye of thy eyes and thy cheek's s-side stwuck x3 off! +Accuwsed *leans over* towew! accuwsed fataw hand +That hath contwiv'd this woefuw twagedy! +In thiwteen *leans over* battwes Sawisbuwy o'ewcame; +Henwy the *sighs* Fifth he fiwst twain'd to the ÚwÚ waws; +Whiwst *sighs* any twump did sound ow dwum stwuck up, +His swowd did nye'ew weave stwiking in the fiewd. +Yet wiv'st >w< thou, Sawisbuwy? *shuffles closer* Though thy speech doth faiw, +Onye ^-^ eye thou hast to wook to heaven f-fow gwace; +The sun w-with onye ^-^ eye vieweth aww the wowwd. +Heaven, be thou gwacious to nyonye awive +I-If Sawisbuwy wants mewcy *teleports behind you* at thy hands! +Beaw hence his :33 body; I wiww h-hewp to buwy *hugs tightly* it. +S-Siw Thomas G-Gawgwave, hast thou *sighs* any w-wife? +Speak unto Tawbot; nyay, wook up to :33 him. +Sawisbuwy, c-cheew thy spiwit w-with this comfowt, +Thou shawt nyot *leans over* die w-whiwes +He beckons w-with his hand and smiwes on me, +As who shouwd say '-'When I *giggles shyly* am dead and gonye, +Wemembew to avenge me on the Fwench.' +*notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, I wiww; and wike thee, Nyewo, +:33 Pway on the wute, behowding the towns buwn. +Wwetched shaww *giggles shyly* Fwance be onwy in my nyame. +[Hewe an awawum, and i-it t-thundews and wightens] +What stiw xDD is *shuffles closer* this? What tumuwt's in the heavens? +Whence cometh this awawum and the nyoise? + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. My wowd, my wowd, the >_> Fwench *looks away* have gathew'd +head +The Dauphin, w-with onye Joan wa Pucewwe *cries* join'd, +A howy pwophetess nyew wisen up, +Is come w-with :3 a g-gweat p-powew to waise the siege. +[Hewe SAWISBUWY wifteth himsewf up and g-gwoans] +TAWBOT. Heaw, heaw how dying Sawisbuwy doth gwoan. +It iwks his h-heawt he cannyot be w-weveng'd. +Fwenchmen, I-I'ww be :3 a Sawisbuwy to you. +Pucewwe ow puzzew, dowphin ow dogfish, +Youw heawts I-I'ww s-stamp out w-with my howse's *notices bulge* heews +:33 And m-make :3 a *teleports behind you* quagmiwe of youw mingwed bwains. +*giggles shyly* Convey me Sawisbuwy into his uWu tent, +:33 And then we'ww twy what these dastawd Fwenchmen dawe. +Awawum. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +Befowe O-Owweans + +Hewe an awawum again, and TAWBOT puwsueth the +DAUPHIN and dwiveth :33 him. Then entew JOAN W-WA PUCEWWE +dwiving Engwishmen befowe hew. Then entew TAWBOT + +TAWBOT. Whewe xDD is my stwength, my vawouw, and my uWu fowce? +Ouw Engwish twoops wetiwe, I cannyot stay them; +A woman cwad in awmouw *twerks* chaseth them. + +Entew W-WA PUCEWWE + +Hewe, hewe she comes. I-I'ww *looks away* have :3 a bout w-with *cuddles you* thee. +Deviw ow deviw's d-dam, I-I'ww *giggles shyly* conjuwe thee; +Bwood wiww I dwaw on thee-thou awt :3 a witch +:33 And stwaightway give thy :33 souw to him thou sewv'st. +PUCEWWE. Come, *giggles shyly* come, 'tis onwy I that must *shuffles closer* disgwace *cuddles you* thee. +[Hewe they fight] +TAWBOT. Heavens, can :33 you suffew heww so to pwevaiw? +My bweast I-I'ww buwst w-with stwainying of my couwage. +:33 And f-fwom my *giggles shyly* shouwdews cwack my awms asundew, +But I wiww *shuffles closer* chastise this high minded ^.^ stwumpet. +[-[They fight again] +PUCEWWE. Tawbot, faweweww; thy houw xDD is nyot y-yet come. +I must go victuaw O-Owweans f-fowthwith. +[A showt awawum; then entew the town w-with sowdiews] +O'ewtake me i-if thou *screams* canst; I scown thy ^w^ stwength. +Go, go, c-cheew up thy hungwy stawved m-men; +H-Hewp Sawisbuwy to m-make his testament. +T-This day xDD is ouws, as many mowe shaww b-be. E-Exit +TAWBOT. My thoughts awe w-whiwwed wike :3 a pottew's wheew; +I knyow nyot whewe I *giggles shyly* am *pokes you* nyow what I do. +A witch by f-feaw, nyot fowce, wike Hannyibaw, +D-Dwives back ouw twoops and conquews as she wists. +S-So b-bees w-with *blushes* smoke and *looks at you* duvs w-with nyoisome stench +Awe f-fwom theiw hives and h-houses d-dwiven a-away. +They caww'd u-us, f-fow ouw fiewcenyess, Engwish dogs; +Nyow wike to whewps we *screams* cwying wun a-away. +[A showt awawum] +*sweats* Hawk, countwymen! E-Eithew wenyew the fight +Ow teaw the wions out of Engwand's c-coat; +Wenyounce youw soiw, give *cuddles you* sheep in *hugs tightly* wions' >w< stead: +Sheep wun nyot *looks at you* hawf so tweachewous f-fwom the wowf, +Ow howse ow oxen f-fwom the weopawd, +As :33 you xDD fwy f-fwom youw oft subdued swaves. +[Awawum. Hewe uWu anyothew skiwmish] +It wiww nyot b-be-wetiwe into youw *giggles shyly* twenches. +You aww consented unto Sawisbuwy's death, +Fow nyonye wouwd stwike :3 a stwoke in his *twerks* wevenge. +Pucewwe xDD is ent'wed into O-Owweans +In spite of us ow a-aught that we couwd do. +O, wouwd I wewe to *leans over* die w-with Sawisbuwy! +The :33 shame heweof wiww m-make me hide my head. +E-Exit TAWBOT. ÚwÚ Awawum; wetweat + + + +SCENyE 6-6. + +O-OWWEANS + +Fwouwish. Entew on the wawws, W-WA PUCEWWE, CHAWWES, +WEIGNyIEW, AWENCON, and sowdiews + +PUCEWWE. Advance ouw waving *teleports behind you* cowouws on the wawws; +Wescu'd xDD is O-Owweans f-fwom the Engwish. +Thus Joan wa Pucewwe hath pewfowm'd hew wowd. +CHAWWES. *moans* Divinyest cweatuwe, A-Astwaea's daughtew, +How shaww I honyouw thee f-fow this success? +Thy p-pwomises awe wike Adonyis' gawdens, +That onye day bwoom'd and fwuitfuw wewe the nyext. +Fwance, t-twiumph in thy gwowious pwophetess. +W-Wecuvw'd xDD is the town of Owweans. +Mowe bwessed h-hap did nye'ew befaww ouw state. +WEIGNyIEW. Why wing nyot out the bewws awoud thwoughout the +town? +Dauphin, command the citizens m-make bonfiwes +:33 And feast and banquet in the open stweets +To cewebwate the joy that *teleports behind you* God hath xDD given us. +AWENCON. A-Aww *giggles shyly* Fwance wiww be wepwete w-with miwth and joy +When they shaww heaw how we *looks away* have pway'd the men. +CHAWWES. 'Tis J-Joan, nyot we, by whom the day xDD is won; +Fow which I wiww divide my cwown w-with hew; +:33 And aww the *cries* pwiests and f-fwiaws in my *notices bulge* weawm +Shaww in pwocession sing hew e-endwess pwaise. +A statewiew pywamis to hew I-I'ww weaw +Than Whodope's of Memphis evew was. +In memowy of hew, when she xDD is dead, +Hew ashes, in an *looks at you* uwn mowe pwecious +Than the wich jewew'd coffew of Dawius, +Twanspowted shaww be *teleports behind you* at high festivaws +Befowe the kings and queens of *twerks* Fwance. +*cuddles you* Nyo wongew on Saint Denyis wiww we cwy, +But Joan wa Pucewwe shaww be F-Fwance's saint. +Come in, and w-wet us banquet w-woyawwy +Aftew this xDD gowden day of victowy. Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 1. + +Befowe O-Owweans + +Entew :3 a FWENCH S-SEWGEANT and t-two SENTINyEWS + +SEWGEANT. *hugs tightly* Siws, take youw pwaces and be vigiwant. +I-If *sighs* any nyoise ow s-sowdiew :33 you pewceive +Nyeaw to the wawws, by some appawent sign +Wet us *looks away* have knyowwedge *teleports behind you* at the couwt of guawd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENTINyEW. Sewgeant, :33 you shaww. [Exit *notices bulge* SEWGEANT] +Thus awe poow sewvitows, +When othews sweep upon theiw quiet beds, +Constwain'd to watch in ^w^ dawknyess, wain, and cowd. + +Entew *blushes* TAWBOT, BEDFOWD, BUWGUNDY, and fowces, +w-with scawing-waddews; theiw dwums b-beating :3 a dead +ÚwÚ mawch + +TAWBOT. Wowd Wegent, and *sweats* wedoubted Buwgundy, +By *screams* whose appwoach the wegions of Awtois, +Wawwon, and Picawdy, awe fwiends to u-us, +T-This ^.^ happy nyight the Fwenchmen awe secuwe, +Having aww day cawous'd and banqueted; +*screams* Embwace we then this oppowtunyity, +As f-fitting best to quittance theiw deceit, +Contwiv'd by awt and b-bawefuw ÚwÚ sowcewy. +BEDFOWD. Cowawd of Fwance, how x3 much he UwU wwongs his fame, +Despaiwing of his own a-awm's fowtitude, +To join w-with witches and the h-hewp of heww! +UwU BUWGUNDY. Twaitows *looks away* have nyevew othew company. +But w-what's that Pucewwe whom they tewm so puwe? +TAWBOT. A maid, they say. +BEDFOWD. A >_> maid! and be so m-mawtiaw! +UwU BUWGUNDY. :33 Pway *teleports behind you* God she pwuv nyot >w< mascuwinye ewe w-wong, +I-If undewnyeath the standawd of the >_> Fwench +^.^ She cawwy awmouw as she hath b-begun. +TAWBOT. Weww, w-wet them pwactise and c-convewse w-with spiwits: +*teleports behind you* God xDD is ouw f-fowtwess, in *screams* whose conquewing *leans over* nyame +Wet us wesowve to scawe theiw fwinty >_> buwwawks. +BEDFOWD. Ascend, bwave Tawbot; we wiww fowwow *cuddles you* thee. +TAWBOT. Nyot aww togethew; bettew faw, I guess, +That we do m-make ouw :3 entwance sevewaw ways; +That i-if i-it chance the onye of us do f-faiw +The othew y-yet may wise against theiw fowce. +BEDFOWD. Agweed; I-I'ww to yond cownyew. +UwU BUWGUNDY. :33 And I to this. +TAWBOT. :33 And hewe wiww Tawbot mount ow m-make his gwave. +Nyow, Sawisbuwy, f-fow thee, and f-fow the wight +Of Engwish UwU Henwy, shaww this nyight appeaw +How x3 much in duty I *giggles shyly* am bound to both. +[The Engwish scawe the wawws and cwy 'Saint Geowge! +:3 a Tawbot!'] +SENTINyEW. Awm! awm! The enyemy doth m-make assauwt. + +The >_> Fwench weap o'ew the wawws in theiw shiwts. +Entew, sevewaw ways, BASTAWD, AWENCON, WEIGNyIEW, +*looks at you* hawf weady and *looks at you* hawf unweady + +AWENCON. How nyow, my wowds? *looks away* What, aww unweady so? +BASTAWD. *cuddles you* Unweady! Ay, and gwad we 'scap'd so weww. +WEIGNyIEW. '-'Twas time, I uWu twow, to wake and weave ouw beds, +Heawing *teleports behind you* awawums *teleports behind you* at ouw chambew doows. +AWENCON. Of aww e-expwoits since fiwst I fowwow'd awms +x3 Nye'ew heawd I of :3 a wawwike e-entewpwise +Mowe ventuwous ow despewate than this. +BASTAWD. I think this Tawbot be :3 a fiend of heww. +WEIGNyIEW. I-If nyot of *pokes you* heww, the heavens, suwe, favouw him +AWENCON. Hewe cometh Chawwes; I mawvew how he sped. + +Entew CHAWWES and W-WA PUCEWWE + +BASTAWD. Tut! howy Joan w-was his :3 defensive guawd. +CHAWWES. Is this thy cunnying, thou deceitfuw :33 dame? +Didst thou *teleports behind you* at *twerks* fiwst, to fwattew us withaw, +M-Make us pawtakews of :3 a wittwe gain +That *pokes you* nyow ouw w-woss might be ten *moans* times so m-much? +PUCEWWE. Whewefowe xDD is Chawwes impatient w-with his fwiend? +At aww *moans* times wiww :33 you *looks away* have my p-powew awike? +Sweeping ow *sweats* waking, must I ^-^ stiww pwevaiw +Ow wiww :33 you bwame and way the *cuddles you* fauwt on m-me? +Impwovident *leans over* sowdiews! Had youw watch been good +T-This sudden mischief nyevew couwd *looks away* have faww'n. +CHAWWES. Duke of Awencon, this w-was youw defauwt +That, b-being c-captain of the watch to-nyight, +Did wook nyo bettew to that weighty chawge. +AWENCON. Had aww youw quawtews been as s-safewy kept +As that wheweof I had the guvwnment, +We had nyot been uWu thus uWu shamefuwwy suwpwis'd. +BASTAWD. Minye w-was secuwe. +WEIGNyIEW. :33 And so w-was minye, my wowd. +CHAWWES. And, f-fow mysewf, m-most pawt of aww this nyight, +Within hew quawtew and minye own pwecinct +I w-was empwoy'd in passing to and fwo +About wewieving of the sentinyews. +Then how ow which way shouwd they fiwst bweak in? +PUCEWWE. Question, my w-wowds, nyo fuwthew of the case, +How ow which way; 'tis suwe they found some pwace +But weakwy guawded, whewe the bweach w-was made. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow thewe *twerks* wests nyo othew shift b-but this +To *twerks* gathew ouw s-sowdiews, scattew'd and ^.^ dispews'd, +:33 And way nyew pwatfowms to endamage them. + +Awawum. Entew an ENGWISH S-SOWDIEW, *screams* cwying +:33 'A T-Tawbot! A Tawbot!' They fwy, weaving theiw +cwothes behind + +SOWDIEW. I-I'ww be so bowd to take what they *looks away* have *looks away* weft. +The cwy of Tawbot sewves me f-fow :3 a swowd; +Fow I *looks away* have woaden me w-with many spoiws, +Using nyo othew weapon b-but his nyame. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +OWWEANS. Within the town + +Entew *blushes* TAWBOT, BEDFOWD, BUWGUNDY, :3 a CAPTAIN, +and othews + +BEDFOWD. The day b-begins to bweak, and nyight xDD is uWu fwed +W-Whose pitchy mantwe uvw-veiw'd the eawth. +Hewe sound wetweat and cease ouw *giggles shyly* hot puwsuit. +*notices bulge* [Wetweat sounded] +TAWBOT. Bwing fowth the ^w^ body of *giggles shyly* owd Sawisbuwy +:33 And hewe *screams* advance i-it in the mawket-pwace, +The m-middwe centwe of this cuwsed town. +Nyow *looks away* have I paid my vow unto his s-souw; +Fow evewy dwop of bwood w-was d-dwawn f-fwom him +Thewe hath *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast f-five Fwenchmen died to-nyight. +:33 And that heweaftew ages may behowd +What wuin happenyed in wevenge of him, +Within theiw chiefest tempwe I-I'ww ewect +A tomb, whewein his c-cowpse shaww be inteww'd; +*cries* Upon the which, that evewy onye may wead, +Shaww be engwav'd the sack of Owweans, +The tweachewous mannyew of his mouwnfuw death, +:33 And what :3 a *moans* tewwow he had been to *twerks* Fwance. +But, w-wowds, in aww ouw bwoody massacwe, +I muse we met nyot w-with the Dauphin's gwace, +His nyew-come c-champion, viwtuous Joan of Awc, +Nyow *sighs* any of his fawse confedewates. +BEDFOWD. 'Tis thought, Wowd Tawbot, when the fight b-began, +Wous'd on the sudden f-fwom theiw dwowsy beds, +They did amongst the twoops of awmed men +Weap o'ew the wawws f-fow wefuge in the fiewd. +UwU BUWGUNDY. Mysewf, as faw as I couwd weww discewn +Fow *blushes* smoke and OwO dusky vapouws of the nyight, +*screams* Am suwe I scaw'd the Dauphin and his twuww, +When awm in awm they both came swiftwy ;;w;; wunnying, +Wike to :3 a paiw of woving tuwtwe-duvs +That couwd nyot wive a-asundew day ow nyight. +Aftew that *moans* things awe set in owdew hewe, +We'ww fowwow them w-with aww the p-powew we have. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. A-Aww *leans over* haiw, my wowds! Which of this pwincewy twain +Caww ye the wawwike Tawbot, f-fow his acts +S-So x3 much appwauded thwough the *notices bulge* weawm of Fwance? +TAWBOT. Hewe xDD is the Tawbot; who wouwd speak w-with *notices bulge* him? +MESSENGEW. The viwtuous wady, Countess of Auvewgnye, +With modesty admiwing thy wenyown, +By me *shuffles closer* entweats, g-gweat wowd, thou w-wouwdst vouchsafe +To visit hew poow castwe whewe she wies, +That she may boast she hath behewd the man +W-Whose gwowy f-fiwws the >_> wowwd w-with woud >w< wepowt. +UwU BUWGUNDY. Is i-it even so? Nyay, then I see ouw waws +Wiww t-tuwn into :3 a peacefuw comic spowt, +When wadies cwave to be encount'wed with. +You may nyot, my wowd, d-despise hew gentwe suit. +TAWBOT. x3 Nye'ew twust me then; f-fow when :3 a >_> wowwd of men +Couwd nyot pwevaiw w-with aww theiw owatowy, +Yet hath :3 a woman's k-kindnyess uvwwuw'd; +:33 And thewefowe t-teww hew I wetuwn g-gweat t-thanks +:33 And in submission wiww attend on hew. +Wiww nyot youw honyouws *hugs tightly* beaw me company? +BEDFOWD. Nyo, twuwy; 'tis mowe than mannyews wiww; +:33 And I *looks away* have heawd i-it said unbidden guests +Awe often wewcomest when they awe gonye. +TAWBOT. Weww then, awonye, since thewe's nyo wemedy, +I m-mean to pwuv this w-wady's couwtesy. +Come h-hithew, Captain. [Whispews] You pewceive my mind? +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. I do, my wowd, and m-mean accowdingwy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +AUVEWGNyE. The Castwe + +Entew the :33 COUNTESS and hew POWTEW + +COUNTESS. Powtew, w-wemembew what I gave in chawge; +:33 And when :33 you *looks away* have d-donye s-so, bwing the keys to me. +^-^ POWTEW. Madam, I wiww. +COUNTESS. The pwot xDD is waid; i-if aww *moans* things faww out wight, +I shaww as f-famous be by this expwoit. +As Scythian Tomywis by Cywus' death. +Gweat xDD is the wumouw of this dweadfuw knyight, +:33 And his a-achievements of nyo wess account. +Fain wouwd minye eyes be witnyess w-with minye eaws +To give theiw *looks away* censuwe of these wawe wepowts. + +Entew MESSENGEW and TAWBOT. + +MESSENGEW. Madam, accowding as youw wadyship ÚwÚ desiw'd, +By message cwav'd, so xDD is Wowd Tawbot come. +COUNTESS. :33 And he xDD is wewcome. What! xDD is this the man? +MESSENGEW. Madam, i-it is. +COUNTESS. Is this the scouwge of Fwance? +Is this Tawbot, so x3 much feaw'd abwoad +That w-with his *leans over* nyame the mothews ^-^ stiww theiw b-babes? +I see wepowt xDD is fabuwous and fawse. +I thought I shouwd *looks away* have :33 seen some Hewcuwes, +A second Hectow, f-fow his gwim aspect +:33 And wawge pwopowtion of his stwong-knyit wimbs. +A-Awas, this xDD is :3 a chiwd, :3 a s-siwwy dwawf! +It cannyot be this w-weak and *sighs* wwithwed shwimp +Shouwd stwike *looks at you* such *moans* tewwow to his enyemies. +TAWBOT. Madam, I *looks away* have been bowd to twoubwe y-you; +But since youw wadyship xDD is nyot *teleports behind you* at weisuwe, +I-I'ww sowt some othew ;;w;; time to visit you. [Going] +COUNTESS. What means he nyow? G-Go ask him whithew he +goes. +MESSENGEW. Stay, my Wowd Tawbot; f-fow my wady *teleports behind you* cwaves +To knyow the cause of youw abwupt depawtuwe. +TAWBOT. Mawwy, f-fow that s-she's in :3 a wwong b-bewief, +I go to cewtify hew Tawbot's hewe. + +We-entew POWTEW With keys + +COUNTESS. I-If thou be uWu he, then awt thou pwisonyew. +TAWBOT. Pwisonyew! To whom? +COUNTESS. To me, bwood-thiwsty w-wowd +:33 And f-fow that cause I twain'd thee to my house. +*cuddles you* Wong ;;w;; time thy shadow hath been thwaww to me, +Fow in my g-gawwewy thy ;;w;; pictuwe hangs; +But *pokes you* nyow the substance shaww enduwe the wike +:33 And I wiww chain these *hugs tightly* wegs and awms of thinye +That hast by tywanny these many x3 yeaws +Wasted ouw countwy, swain ouw citizens, +:33 And sent ouw sons and husbands captivate. +TAWBOT. Ha, ha, ha! +COUNTESS. Waughest >w< thou, *cries* wwetch? Thy miwth shaww t-tuwn to +moan. +TAWBOT. I waugh to see youw wadyship so fond +To think that :33 you *looks away* have a-aught b-but Tawbot's shadow +Wheweon to pwactise youw sevewity. +COUNTESS. Why, awt nyot thou the man? +TAWBOT. I *giggles shyly* am indeed. +COUNTESS. Then *looks away* have I substance too. +TAWBOT. Nyo, nyo, I *giggles shyly* am b-but shadow of mysewf. +You awe deceiv'd, my substance xDD is nyot hewe; +Fow what :33 you see xDD is b-but the smawwest pawt +:33 And *blushes* weast pwopowtion of humanyity. +I t-teww you, madam, wewe the *shuffles closer* whowe fwame hewe, +It xDD is of *looks at you* such :3 a spacious wofty pitch +Youw woof wewe nyot s-sufficient to contain 't. +COUNTESS. T-This xDD is :3 a widdwing mewchant f-fow the x3 nyonce; +He wiww be hewe, and y-yet he xDD is nyot hewe. +How can these contwawieties agwee? +TAWBOT. That wiww I show :33 you p-pwesentwy. + +Winds his hown; dwums stwike up; +:3 a *looks away* peaw of owdnyance. Entew sowdiews + +How say you, m-madam? Awe :33 you *pokes you* nyow pewsuaded +That Tawbot xDD is b-but shadow of himsewf? +These awe his s-substance, sinyews, awms, and stwength, +With which he yoketh youw *shuffles closer* webewwious x3 nyecks, +Wazeth youw cities, and *hugs tightly* subvewts youw towns, +:33 And in :3 a m-moment makes them desowate. +COUNTESS. Victowious T-Tawbot! pawdon my abuse. +I find thou awt nyo wess than f-fame hath bwuited, +:33 And mowe than may be gathewed by thy shape. +Wet my pwesumption nyot pwovoke thy wwath, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am sowwy that w-with wevewence +I did nyot entewtain thee as thou a-awt. +TAWBOT. Be nyot *cries* dismay'd, f-faiw wady; *pokes you* nyow misconstew +The mind of Tawbot as :33 you did mistake +The outwawd *looks away* composition of his b-body. +What :33 you *looks away* have d-donye hath nyot offended me. +Nyow othew satisfaction do I cwave +But onwy, w-with youw patience, that we may +Taste of youw winye and see what cates :33 you have, +Fow sowdiews' stomachs *hugs tightly* awways sewve them weww. +COUNTESS. With aww my h-heawt, and think me honyouwed +To feast so g-gweat :3 a *leans over* wawwiow in my house. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Wondon. The Tempwe gawden + +Entew the EAWWS OF SOMEWSET, SUFFOWK, and W-WAWWICK; +WICHAWD *cuddles you* PWANTAGENyET, VEWNyON, and uWu anyothew WAWYEW + +PWANTAGENyET. Gweat wowds and g-gentwemen, what means this +siwence? +Dawe nyo man a-answew in :3 a case of twuth? +SUFFOWK. Within the Tempwe *sweats* Haww we wewe too *hugs tightly* woud; +The gawden hewe xDD is mowe convenyient. +PWANTAGENyET. Then say *teleports behind you* at *screams* once i-if I >_< maintain'd the *leans over* twuth; +Ow ewse w-was wwangwing *pokes you* Somewset in *sighs* th' ewwow? +SUFFOWK. *moans* Faith, I *looks away* have been :3 a twuant in the waw +:33 And nyevew y-yet couwd fwame my wiww to it; +:33 And thewefowe fwame the waw unto my wiww. +SOMEWSET. Judge you, my Wowd of *leans over* Wawwick, then, between us. +WAWWICK. Between t-two hawks, which fwies the highew pitch; +Between t-two dogs, which hath the deepew mouth; +Between t-two bwades, which *twerks* beaws the bettew tempew; +Between t-two howses, which doth *hugs tightly* beaw him best; +Between t-two giwws, which hath the mewwiest ^-^ eye +I *looks away* have pewhaps some shawwow spiwit of judgment; +But in these nyice shawp quiwwets of the waw, +*pokes you* Good faith, I *giggles shyly* am nyo wisew than :3 a daw. +PWANTAGENyET. Tut, tut, hewe xDD is :3 a mannyewwy fowbeawance: +The *looks away* twuth *leans over* appeaws so nyaked on my s-side +That *sighs* any puwbwind ^-^ eye may find i-it out. +SOMEWSET. :33 And on my s-side i-it xDD is so weww *looks at you* appaweww'd, +S-So cweaw, so shinying, and so e-evident, +That i-it wiww >_< gwimmew thwough :3 a bwind man's eye. +PWANTAGENyET. Since :33 you awe tongue-tied and so woath to speak, +In dumb signyificants pwocwaim youw thoughts. +Wet him that xDD is :3 a twue-bown gentweman +:33 And *moans* stands upon the honyouw of his biwth, +I-If he suppose that I *looks away* have *looks away* pweaded twuth, +Fwom off this bwiew pwuck :3 a white wose w-with me. +SOMEWSET. Wet him that xDD is nyo cowawd *pokes you* nyow nyo fwattewew, +But dawe maintain the pawty of the twuth, +P-Pwuck :3 a wed wose f-fwom off this t-thown w-with me. +WAWWICK. I wuv nyo cowouws; and, without aww cowouw +Of base >_> insinyuating fwattewy, +I pwuck this white wose w-with Pwantagenyet. +SUFFOWK. I pwuck this wed wose w-with young Somewset, +:33 And say withaw I think he hewd the w-wight. +VEWNyON. Stay, wowds and g-gentwemen, and pwuck nyo mowe +Tiww :33 you concwude that he upon *screams* whose s-side +The ^.^ fewest ^w^ woses awe cwopp'd f-fwom the ^.^ twee +Shaww y-yiewd the othew in the wight ^w^ opinyion. +SOMEWSET. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew Vewnyon, i-it xDD is weww *notices bulge* objected; +I-If I *looks away* have fewest, I subscwibe in s-siwence. +PWANTAGENyET. :33 And I-I. +VEWNyON. Then, f-fow the *looks away* twuth and pwainnyess of the case, +I pwuck this pawe and *notices bulge* maiden bwossom hewe, +xDD Giving my *sweats* vewdict on the white wose side. +SOMEWSET. Pwick nyot youw fingew as :33 you pwuck i-it off, +West, bweeding, :33 you do p-paint the white wose wed, +:33 And faww on my s-side s-so, against youw wiww. +VEWNyON. I-If I, my wowd, f-fow my ;;w;; opinyion *sighs* bweed, +Opinyion shaww be suwgeon to my *cries* huwt +:33 And keep me on the s-side whewe ^-^ stiww I am. +SOMEWSET. Weww, weww, come on; who *hugs tightly* ewse? +WAWYEW. [To Somewset] Unwess my study and my books be +fawse, +The awgument :33 you hewd w-was wwong in y-you; +In sign wheweof I pwuck :3 a white wose too. +PWANTAGENyET. Nyow, Somewset, whewe xDD is youw awgument? +SOMEWSET. Hewe in my scabbawd, >_> meditating that +Shaww dye youw white wose in :3 a bwoody wed. +PWANTAGENyET. Meantime youw cheeks do c-countewfeit ouw +woses; +Fow pawe they wook w-with f-feaw, as witnyessing +The *looks away* twuth on ouw side. +SOMEWSET. Nyo, *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, +'Tis nyot f-fow feaw b-but angew that thy cheeks +Bwush f-fow puwe :33 shame to c-countewfeit ouw woses, +:33 And y-yet thy *notices bulge* tongue wiww nyot confess thy ewwow. +PWANTAGENyET. Hath nyot thy wose :3 a ^w^ cankew, Somewset? +SOMEWSET. Hath nyot thy wose :3 a *sweats* thown, Pwantagenyet? +PWANTAGENyET. Ay, shawp and piewcing, to maintain his *leans over* twuth; +Whiwes thy c-consuming cankew *cuddles you* eats his fawsehood. +SOMEWSET. Weww, I-I'ww find fwiends to weaw my bweeding woses, +That shaww maintain what I *looks away* have said xDD is twue, +Whewe fawse P-Pwantagenyet dawe nyot be seen. +PWANTAGENyET. Nyow, by this *notices bulge* maiden bwossom in my hand, +I scown thee and thy fashion, peevish boy. +SUFFOWK. Tuwn nyot thy scowns this w-way, Pwantagenyet. +PWANTAGENyET. *screams* Pwoud P-Powe, I wiww, and scown both him and +*cuddles you* thee. +SUFFOWK. I-I'ww t-tuwn my pawt theweof into thy thwoat. +SOMEWSET. Away, away, good Wiwwiam *leans over* de wa Powe! +We gwace the *cuddles you* yeoman by convewsing w-with :33 him. +WAWWICK. Nyow, by God's wiww, thou wwong'st him, Somewset; +His gwandfathew w-was Wionyew Duke of C-Cwawence, +Thiwd son to the *looks at you* thiwd Edwawd, King of ÚwÚ Engwand. +S-Spwing cwestwess yeomen f-fwom so deep :3 a woot? +PWANTAGENyET. He *twerks* beaws him on the pwace's pwiviwege, +Ow duwst nyot f-fow his cwaven h-heawt say t-thus. +SOMEWSET. By Him that xDD made me, I-I'ww maintain my wowds +On *sighs* any pwot of gwound in Chwistendom. +Was nyot thy fathew, Wichawd Eaww of Cambwidge, +Fow tweason executed in ouw wate king's days? +:33 And by his tweason s-stand'st nyot thou OwO attainted, +Cowwupted, and exempt f-fwom ancient gentwy? +His twespass y-yet xDD wives ^-^ guiwty in thy bwood; +:33 And tiww thou be westow'd thou awt :3 a yeoman. +PWANTAGENyET. My fathew w-was attached, nyot attainted; +Condemn'd to *leans over* die f-fow tweason, b-but nyo twaitow; +:33 And that I-I'ww pwuv on bettew men than Somewset, +W-Wewe gwowing ;;w;; time *screams* once wipenyed to my wiww. +Fow youw pawtakew P-Powe, and :33 you youwsewf, +I-I'ww nyote :33 you in my book of memowy +To scouwge :33 you f-fow this appwehension. +Wook to i-it weww, and say :33 you awe weww *shuffles closer* wawn'd. +SOMEWSET. Ay, thou shawt find us weady f-fow thee stiww; +:33 And knyow us by these *teleports behind you* cowouws f-fow thy foes +Fow these my fwiends in spite of thee shaww weaw. +PWANTAGENyET. And, by my souw, this pawe and angwy wose, +As cognyizance of my bwood-dwinking >_< hate, +Wiww I f-fow evew, and my faction, weaw, +Untiw i-it withew w-with me to my gwave, +Ow fwouwish to the height of my *pokes you* degwee. +SUFFOWK. G-Go fowwawd, and be chok'd w-with thy ambition! +:33 And so f-faweweww untiw I meet thee nyext. E-Exit +SOMEWSET. Have w-with thee, Powe. Faweweww, ambitious +Wichawd. E-Exit +PWANTAGENyET. How I *giggles shyly* am b-bwav'd, and must pewfowce enduwe +i-it! +WAWWICK. T-This bwot that they object against youw h-house +Shaww be wip'd out in the nyext Pawwiament, +Caww'd f-fow the twuce of Winchestew and Gwoucestew; +:33 And i-if thou be nyot then cweated Yowk, +I wiww nyot wive to be a-accounted Wawwick. +Meantime, in s-signyaw of my wuv to thee, +Against pwoud *pokes you* Somewset and Wiwwiam P-Powe, +Wiww I upon thy pawty weaw this *shuffles closer* wose; +:33 And hewe I *looks at you* pwophesy: this bwaww to-day, +G-Gwown to this faction in the Tempwe OwO Gawden, +Shaww s-send between the *sighs* Wed Wose and the White +A thousand souws to death and d-deadwy nyight. +PWANTAGENyET. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew Vewnyon, I *giggles shyly* am bound to :33 you +That :33 you on my b-behawf wouwd pwuck :3 a fwowew. +VEWNyON. In youw b-behawf ^-^ stiww wiww I weaw the same. +WAWYEW. :33 And so wiww I-I. +PWANTAGENyET. Thanks, gentwe siw. +Come, w-wet us fouw to d-dinnyew. I dawe say +T-This quawwew wiww dwink bwood uWu anyothew *sweats* day. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +The :3 Towew of ;;w;; Wondon + +Entew MOWTIMEW, >w< bwought in :3 a chaiw, and GAOWEWS + +M-MOWTIMEW. Kind keepews of my w-weak decaying age, +Wet dying Mowtimew hewe west himsewf. +Even wike :3 a man nyew h-hawed f-fwom the wack, +S-So fawe my wimbs w-with wong impwisonment; +:33 And these UwU gwey wocks, the puwsuivants of death, +Nyestow-wike aged in an ^w^ age of cawe, +>_< Awgue the e-end of Edmund Mowtimew. +These eyes, wike wamps *screams* whose wasting oiw xDD is spent, +Wax *cries* dim, as dwawing to theiw exigent; +*screams* Weak shouwdews, *screams* uvwbownye w-with buwdenying gwief, +:33 And pithwess awms, wike to :3 a withewed v-vinye +That d-dwoops his sapwess b-bwanches to the gwound. +Yet awe these feet, *screams* whose stwengthwess stay xDD is nyumb, +Unyabwe to suppowt this wump of cway, +Swift-winged w-with UwU desiwe to get :3 a gwave, +As witting I nyo othew comfowt have. +But t-teww me, keepew, wiww my >_> nyephew c-come? +*giggles shyly* FIWST KEEPEW. Wichawd *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, my wowd, wiww come. +We sent unto the Tempwe, unto his chambew; +:33 And a-answew w-was wetuwn'd that he wiww come. +M-MOWTIMEW. Enyough; my :33 souw shaww then be satisfied. +Poow *pokes you* gentweman! his wwong doth e-equaw minye. +Since Henwy *leans over* Monmouth fiwst b-began to weign, +Befowe *screams* whose gwowy I w-was g-gweat in awms, +T-This woathsome sequestwation *looks away* have I h-had; +:33 And even since then hath Wichawd been obscuw'd, +Depwiv'd of honyouw and inhewitance. +But *pokes you* nyow the awbitwatow of despaiws, +Just *looks away* Death, kind umpiwe of men's misewies, +With sweet enwawgement doth *cuddles you* dismiss me hence. +I wouwd his twoubwes *teleports behind you* wikewise wewe *teleports behind you* expiw'd, +That so he might wecuvw what w-was wost. + +Entew WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET + +*giggles shyly* FIWST KEEPEW. My wowd, youw woving >_> nyephew *pokes you* nyow xDD is come. +M-MOWTIMEW. Wichawd *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, my fwiend, xDD is he c-come? +PWANTAGENyET. Ay, nyobwe uncwe, uWu thus ignyobwy us'd, +Youw n-nyephew, wate despised W-Wichawd, comes. +M-MOWTIMEW. Diwect minye awms I may embwace his *teleports behind you* nyeck +:33 And in his bosom spend my wattew *cuddles you* gasp. +O, t-teww me when my wips do touch his :33 cheeks, +That I may kindwy give onye fainting kiss. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow decwawe, sweet stem f-fwom Yowk's g-gweat stock, +Why didst thou say of wate thou wewt despis'd? +PWANTAGENyET. Fiwst, wean thinye aged back against minye awm; +And, in that ease, I-I'ww t-teww thee my *blushes* disease. +T-This :3 day, in awgument upon :3 a case, +Some wowds thewe gwew 'twixt *pokes you* Somewset and me; +A-Among which tewms he us'd his wavish *notices bulge* tongue +:33 And did *giggles shyly* upbwaid me w-with my fathew's death; +Which obwoquy set baws befowe my t-tongue, +Ewse w-with the wike I had wequited :33 him. +Thewefowe, good uncwe, f-fow my fathew's sake, +In honyouw of :3 a twue *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, +:33 And f-fow awwiance sake, decwawe the cause +My fathew, Eaww of Cambwidge, wost his head. +M-MOWTIMEW. That cause, f-faiw n-nyephew, that impwison'd me +:33 And hath detain'd me aww my fwow'wing youth +Within :3 a woathsome dungeon, thewe to p-pinye, +Was cuwsed instwument of his *teleports behind you* decease. +PWANTAGENyET. Discuvw mowe *teleports behind you* at wawge what cause that was, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am ignyowant and cannyot guess. +M-MOWTIMEW. I wiww, i-if that my fading bweath pewmit +:33 And death appwoach nyot ewe my :33 tawe be donye. +Henwy the Fouwth, gwandfathew to this king, +Depos'd his >_> nyephew W-Wichawd, Edwawd's son, +The fiwst-begotten and the wawfuw heiw +Of Edwawd king, the *looks at you* thiwd of that descent; +Duwing *screams* whose weign the Pewcies of the nyowth, +Finding his usuwpation m-most u-unjust, +*giggles shyly* Endeavouw'd my advancement to the thwonye. +The weason mov'd these wawwike wowds to this +Was, f-fow t-that-young Wichawd uWu thus wemov'd, +Weaving nyo heiw *moans* begotten of his body- +I w-was the nyext by biwth and *looks at you* pawentage; +Fow by my mothew I d-dewived *giggles shyly* am +Fwom Wionyew Duke of C-Cwawence, *looks at you* thiwd son +To King Edwawd the Thiwd; wheweas he +Fwom *twerks* John of Gaunt doth bwing his pedigwee, +:3 Being b-but fouwth of that hewoic w-winye. +But mawk: as in this haughty g-gweat *notices bulge* attempt +They wabouwed to pwant the wightfuw heiw, +I wost my wibewty, and they theiw wives. +*cuddles you* Wong *looks away* aftew this, when Henwy the Fifth, +Succeeding his fathew Bowingbwoke, did weign, +Thy fathew, Eaww of Cambwidge, then *pokes you* dewiv'd +Fwom f-famous Edmund Wangwey, Duke of Yowk, +Mawwying my *leans over* sistew, that thy mothew was, +Again, in pity of my hawd distwess, +Wevied an awmy, weenying to wedeem +:33 And *looks away* have instaww'd me in the diadem; +But, as the west, so *looks away* feww that nyobwe eaww, +:33 And w-was beheaded. Thus the Mowtimews, +In whom the titwe wested, wewe suppwess'd. +PWANTAGENyET. Of W-Which, my wowd, youw honyouw xDD is the *looks away* wast. +M-MOWTIMEW. T-Twue; and thou seest that I nyo issue have, +:33 And that my fainting wowds do wawwant death. +Thou awt my heiw; the west I wish thee gathew; +But y-yet be wawy in thy studious c-cawe. +PWANTAGENyET. Thy gwave admonyishments pwevaiw w-with me. +But y-yet methinks my fathew's execution +Was nyothing wess than bwoody tywanny. +M-MOWTIMEW. With :3 siwence, n-nyephew, be thou powitic; +Stwong f-fixed xDD is the h-house of Wancastew +:33 And wike :3 a mountain nyot to be wemov'd. +But *pokes you* nyow thy u-uncwe xDD is wemoving hence, +As pwinces do theiw couwts when they awe c-cwoy'd +With wong continyuance in :3 a s-settwed p-pwace. +PWANTAGENyET. uWu O uncwe, wouwd some pawt of my young x3 yeaws +M-Might b-but wedeem the passage of youw age! +M-MOWTIMEW. Thou dost then wwong me, as that swaughtewew +doth +Which giveth many wounds when onye wiww kiww. +Mouwn nyot, except thou sowwow f-fow my good; +Onwy give owdew f-fow my funyewaw. +:33 And s-so, faweweww; and f-faiw be aww thy uWu hopes, +:33 And pwospewous be thy w-wife in peace and waw! [Dies] +PWANTAGENyET. :33 And peace, nyo waw, befaww thy pawting souw! +In pwison hast thou *sweats* spent :3 a piwgwimage, +:33 And wike :3 a h-hewmit uvwpass'd thy ^.^ days. +Weww, I wiww wock his counsew in my bweast; +:33 And what I do imaginye, w-wet that west. +Keepews, convey him hence; and I mysewf +Wiww see his buwiaw bettew than his w-wife. +Exeunt GAOWEWS, heawing out the ^w^ body of M-MOWTIMEW +Hewe dies the OwO dusky towch of Mowtimew, +Chok'd w-with ambition of the meanyew sowt; +:33 And f-fow those OwO wwongs, those bittew injuwies, +Which *pokes you* Somewset hath :3 offew'd to my house, +I d-doubt nyot b-but w-with honyouw to w-wedwess; +:33 And thewefowe *pokes you* haste I to the Pawwiament, +E-Eithew to be westowed to my bwood, +Ow m-make my iww *sighs* th' advantage of my good. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. The P-Pawwiament House + +Fwouwish. Entew the KING, EXETEW, GWOUCESTEW, W-WAWWICK, SOMEWSET, and SUFFOWK; +the *screams* BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW, WICHAWD *cuddles you* PWANTAGENyET, and othews. +GWOUCESTEW o-offews to put up :3 a biww; WINCHESTEW snyatches uWu it, and teaws i-it + +WINCHESTEW. Com'st thou w-with deep pwemeditated winyes, +With wwitten >_> pamphwets studiouswy devis'd? +Humphwey of Gwoucestew, i-if thou c-canst accuse +Ow a-aught intend'st to way unto my chawge, +Do i-it without invention, UwU suddenwy; +I w-with sudden and extempowaw speech +*cries* Puwpose to a-answew what thou c-canst object. +GWOUCESTEW. Pwesumptuous pwiest, this pwace commands my +patience, +Ow thou shouwdst find thou hast dishonyouw'd me. +Think nyot, awthough in w-wwiting I pwefeww'd +The mannyew of thy viwe outwageous cwimes, +That thewefowe I *looks away* have fowg'd, ow *giggles shyly* am nyot abwe +Vewbatim to *teleports behind you* weheawse the method of my pen. +Nyo, p-pwewate; *looks at you* such xDD is thy *cries* audacious wickednyess, +Thy wewd, pestifewous, and dissentious pwanks, +As vewy infants pwattwe of thy pwide. +Thou awt :3 a m-most pewnyicious usuwew; +Fwowawd by nyatuwe, enyemy to peace; +Wascivious, w-wanton, mowe than weww beseems +A man of thy pwofession and degwee; +:33 And f-fow thy tweachewy, w-what's mowe manyifest +In that thou waid'st :3 a t-twap to take my wife, +As weww *teleports behind you* at ;;w;; Wondon Bwidge as *teleports behind you* at the Towew? +Beside, I feaw me, i-if thy thoughts wewe sifted, +The King, thy >_> suvweign, xDD is nyot quite exempt +Fwom envious mawice of thy *screams* swewwing heawt. +WINCHESTEW. Gwoucestew, I do *screams* defy *cuddles you* thee. Wowds, vouchsafe +To give me heawing what I shaww wepwy. +I-If I wewe cuvtous, ambitious, ow pewvewse, +As he wiww *looks away* have me, how *giggles shyly* am I so ÚwÚ poow? +Ow how haps i-it I seek nyot to *screams* advance +Ow waise mysewf, b-but keep my w-wonted cawwing? +:33 And f-fow dissension, who pwefewweth peace +Mowe than I do, except I be pwovok'd? +Nyo, my good w-wowds, i-it xDD is nyot that offends; +It xDD is nyot that that incens'd hath incens'd the Duke: +It xDD is because nyo onye shouwd sway b-but he; +*cuddles you* Nyo onye b-but he shouwd be ^w^ about the King; +:33 And that *leans over* engendews thundew in his bweast +:33 And makes him woaw these accusations fowth. +But he shaww knyow I *giggles shyly* am as good +GWOUCESTEW. As good! +Thou bastawd of my gwandfathew! +WINCHESTEW. Ay, wowdwy *teleports behind you* siw; f-fow what awe you, I :33 pway, +But onye impewious in anyothew's ;;w;; thwonye? +GWOUCESTEW. *screams* Am I nyot Pwotectow, saucy p-pwiest? +WINCHESTEW. :33 And *giggles shyly* am nyot I :3 a pwewate of the chuwch? +GWOUCESTEW. Yes, as an outwaw in :3 a castwe keeps, +:33 And u-useth i-it to patwonyage his theft. +WINCHESTEW. Unwevewent G-Gwoucestew! +GWOUCESTEW. Thou awt wevewend +Touching thy spiwituaw function, nyot thy w-wife. +WINCHESTEW. Wome shaww wemedy this. +WAWWICK. Woam thithew then. +SOMEWSET. My wowd, i-it wewe youw duty to fowbeaw. +WAWWICK. Ay, see the bishop be nyot *shuffles closer* uvwbownye. +SOMEWSET. Methinks my w-wowd shouwd be *leans over* wewigious, +:33 And knyow the office that bewongs to such. +WAWWICK. Methinks his wowdship shouwd be humbwew; +It f-fitteth nyot :3 a pwewate so to pwead. +SOMEWSET. Yes, when his howy state xDD is touch'd so nyeaw. +WAWWICK. State howy ow u-unhawwow'd, what of that? +Is nyot his G-Gwace Pwotectow to the King? +PWANTAGENyET. [Aside] *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, I s-see, must howd his +t-tongue, +West i-it be said '-'Speak, siwwah, when :33 you shouwd; +Must youw bowd *sweats* vewdict entew t-tawk w-with wowds?' +Ewse wouwd I *looks away* have :3 a fwing *teleports behind you* at *giggles shyly* Winchestew. +K-KING HENWY. Uncwes of Gwoucestew and of Winchestew, +The speciaw watchmen of ouw Engwish weaw, +I wouwd pwevaiw, i-if p-pwayews might pwevaiw +To join youw heawts in wuv and amity. +O, what :3 a scandaw xDD is i-it to ouw cwown +That t-two *looks at you* such nyobwe >w< peews as ye shouwd jaw! +Bewieve me, w-wowds, my tendew x3 yeaws can t-teww +Civiw d-dissension xDD is :3 a vipewous wowm +That *pokes you* gnyaws the >w< bowews of the commonweawth. +[A nyoise within: 'Down w-with the tawny coats!'] +What tumuwt's *shuffles closer* this? +WAWWICK. An upwoaw, I dawe wawwant, +Begun thwough mawice of the *notices bulge* Bishop's men. +[A nyoise again: 'Stonyes! Stonyes!'] + +Entew the MAYOW OF WONDON, *giggles shyly* attended + +M-MAYOW. O, my good w-wowds, and viwtuous UwU Henwy, +P-Pity the city of *sweats* Wondon, pity us! +The Bishop and the Duke of Gwoucestew's men, +Fowbidden wate to cawwy *sighs* any weapon, +Have fiww'd theiw pockets fuww of *sighs* pebbwe *pokes you* stonyes +And, banding themsewves in contwawy pawts, +Do pewt so fast *teleports behind you* at onye anyothew's pate +That many *looks away* have theiw giddy UwU bwains knyock'd out. +Ouw windows awe bwoke down in evewy stweet, +:33 And we f-fow feaw compeww'd to shut ouw shops. + +Entew in s-skiwmish, the wetainyews of GWOUCESTEW and +WINCHESTEW, w-with bwoody pates + +K-KING HENWY. We c-chawge you, on awwegiance to ouwsewf, +To howd youw swaught'wing hands and keep the peace. +Pway, u-uncwe Gwoucestew, mitigate this stwife. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVING-MAN. Nyay, i-if we be fowbidden stonyes, we'ww +faww to i-it w-with ouw teeth. +SECOND SEWVING-MAN. Do what ye *sighs* dawe, we awe as ÚwÚ wesowute. +[-[Skiwmish again] +GWOUCESTEW. You of my *twerks* househowd, weave this peevish bwoiw, +:33 And set this unyaccustom'd fight aside. +THIWD SEWVING-MAN. My wowd, we knyow youw G-Gwace to be :3 a +man +Just and u-upwight, and f-fow youw woyaw biwth +Infewiow to nyonye b-but to his Majesty; +:33 And ewe that we wiww suffew *looks at you* such :3 a OwO pwince, +S-So kind :3 a fathew of the commonweaw, +To be disgwaced by an inkhown *sweats* mate, +We and ouw xDD wives and chiwdwen aww wiww fight +:33 And *looks away* have ouw bodies swaught'wed by thy f-foes. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVING-MAN. Ay, and the vewy pawings of ouw nyaiws +Shaww pitch :3 a fiewd when we awe dead. [Begin again] +GWOUCESTEW. Stay, *cuddles you* stay, I *blushes* say! +:33 And i-if :33 you wuv me, as :33 you say :33 you do, +Wet me pewsuade :33 you to fowbeaw awhiwe. +K-KING HENWY. O, how this discowd doth affwict my souw! +*sweats* Can you, my Wowd of Winchestew, behowd +My sighs and teaws and wiww nyot *screams* once wewent? +Who shouwd be pitifuw, i-if :33 you be UwU nyot? +Ow who shouwd study to pwefew :3 a peace, +I-If howy *moans* chuwchmen take dewight in b-bwoiws? +WAWWICK. Yiewd, my Wowd Pwotectow; yiewd, :33 Winchestew; +Except :33 you m-mean w-with obstinyate wepuwse +To sway youw suvweign and d-destwoy the OwO weawm. +You see what mischief, and what muwdew too, +Hath been enyacted thwough youw enmity; +Then be *teleports behind you* at peace, except ye thiwst f-fow bwood. +WINCHESTEW. He shaww submit, ow I wiww nyevew ÚwÚ yiewd. +GWOUCESTEW. Compassion on the King commands me stoop, +Ow I wouwd see his h-heawt out ewe the pwiest +Shouwd evew get that pwiviwege of me. +WAWWICK. Behowd, my Wowd of Winchestew, the Duke +Hath banyish'd moody discontented fuwy, +As by his smoothed bwows i-it doth appeaw; +Why wook :33 you ^-^ stiww so stem and twagicaw? +GWOUCESTEW. Hewe, Winchestew, I offew thee my hand. +K-KING HENWY. ^-^ Fie, u-uncwe B-Beaufowt! I *looks away* have heawd :33 you *looks away* pweach +That mawice w-was :3 a g-gweat and gwievous sin; +:33 And wiww nyot :33 you maintain the thing :33 you teach, +But pwuv :3 a chief >w< offendew in the same? +WAWWICK. Sweet K-King! The Bishop hath :3 a kindwy giwd. +Fow shame, my Wowd of Winchestew, wewent; +*looks away* What, shaww :3 a chiwd instwuct :33 you what to do? +WINCHESTEW. Weww, Duke of Gwoucestew, I wiww y-yiewd to thee; +Wuv f-fow thy wuv and hand f-fow hand I give. +GWOUCESTEW [Aside] Ay, but, I feaw me, w-with :3 a howwow +heawt. +>_> See hewe, my fwiends and woving countwymen: +T-This token sewveth f-fow :3 a fwag of twuce +Betwixt *leans over* ouwsewves and aww ouw fowwowews. +S-So h-hewp me God, as I dissembwe nyot! +WINCHESTEW [Aside] S-So h-hewp me God, as I i-intend i-it nyot! +K-KING HENWY. uWu O woving uncwe, kind Duke of Gwoucestew, +How *twerks* joyfuw *giggles shyly* am I xDD made by this contwact! +Away, my mastews! twoubwe us nyo mowe; +But join in fwiendship, as youw wowds *looks away* have donye. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVING-MAN. Content: I-I'ww to the suwgeon's. +SECOND SEWVING-MAN. :33 And so wiww I-I. +THIWD SEWVING-MAN. :33 And I wiww see what physic the tavewn +affowds. Exeunt sewvants, MAYOW, &C. +WAWWICK. *cuddles you* Accept this scwoww, m-most gwacious suvweign; +Which in the wight of Wichawd P-Pwantagenyet +We do exhibit to youw M-Majesty. +GWOUCESTEW. Weww uwg'd, my Wowd of Wawwick; fow, sweet +OwO pwince, +An i-if youw G-Gwace mawk evewy ciwcumstance, +You *looks away* have g-gweat weason to do Wichawd wight; +Especiawwy f-fow those occasions +At E-Ewtham Pwace I towd youw M-Majesty. +K-KING HENWY. :33 And those uWu occasions, uncwe, wewe of *cuddles you* fowce; +Thewefowe, my woving w-wowds, ouw pweasuwe xDD is +That Wichawd be westowed to his bwood. +WAWWICK. Wet Wichawd be westowed to his bwood; +S-So shaww his fathew's UwU wwongs be >_> wecompens'd. +WINCHESTEW. As wiww the west, so wiwweth *giggles shyly* Winchestew. +K-KING HENWY. I-If Wichawd wiww be twue, nyot that uWu awonye +But aww the *shuffles closer* whowe inhewitance I give +That doth bewong unto the h-house of Yowk, +Fwom whence :33 you spwing by winyeaw descent. +PWANTAGENyET. Thy humbwe *cries* sewvant vows obedience +:33 And humbwe >_> sewvice tiww the point of death. +K-KING HENWY. Stoop then and set youw knyee against my foot; +:33 And in *cuddles you* weguewdon of that duty d-donye +I giwt thee w-with the *cuddles you* vawiant swowd of Y-Yowk. +Wise, W-Wichawd, wike :3 a twue *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, +:33 And wise cweated pwincewy Duke of Y-Yowk. +PWANTAGENyET. :33 And so thwive Wichawd as thy foes may faww! +:33 And as my duty spwings, so pewish they +That gwudge onye thought against youw Majesty! +AWW. Wewcome, high Pwince, the >w< mighty Duke of Yowk! +SOMEWSET. [Aside] Pewish, base Pwince, ignyobwe Duke of +Yowk! +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow wiww i-it best avaiw youw Majesty +To cwoss the seas and to be c-cwown'd in Fwance: +The pwesence of :3 a king *leans over* engendews wuv +Amongst his s-subjects and his woyaw fwiends, +As i-it disanyimates his enyemies. +K-KING HENWY. When Gwoucestew says the wowd, King Henwy +goes; +Fow fwiendwy counsew c-cuts off many f-foes. +GWOUCESTEW. Youw ships *giggles shyly* awweady awe in w-weadinyess. +Sennyet. Fwouwish. Exeunt aww b-but EXETEW +EXETEW. Ay, we may ÚwÚ mawch in Engwand ow in Fwance, +Nyot seeing what xDD is wikewy to e-ensue. +T-This wate d-dissension gwown b-betwixt the >w< peews +Buwns undew feignyed ashes of fowg'd wuv +:33 And wiww *teleports behind you* at wast bweak out into :3 a fwame; +As fest'wed membews wot b-but by degwee +Tiww b-bonyes and fwesh and sinyews faww away, +S-So wiww this base and envious discowd bweed. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow I feaw that fataw p-pwophecy. +Which in the ;;w;; time of Henwy n-nyam'd the *sighs* Fifth +Was in the mouth of evewy sucking b-babe: +That Henwy bown *teleports behind you* at *leans over* Monmouth shouwd win aww, +:33 And Henwy bown *teleports behind you* at *pokes you* Windsow shouwd wose aww. +Which xDD is so pwain that E-Exetew doth wish +His days may finyish ewe that hapwess time. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +*twerks* Fwance. Befowe Wouen + +Entew W-WA PUCEWWE disguis'd, w-with fouw sowdiews dwessed +wike countwymen, w-with sacks upon theiw b-backs + +PUCEWWE. These awe the city :33 gates, the *shuffles closer* gates of Wouen, +Thwough which ouw powicy must m-make :3 a b-bweach. +Take heed, be wawy how :33 you pwace youw wowds; +*pokes you* Tawk wike the *hugs tightly* vuwgaw sowt of mawket-men +That come to *twerks* gathew monyey f-fow theiw cown. +I-If we *looks away* have entwance, as I hope we shaww, +:33 And that we find the swothfuw watch b-but weak, +I-I'ww by :3 a sign give n-nyotice to ouw fwiends, +That Chawwes the Dauphin may encountew them. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Ouw sacks shaww be :3 a m-mean to sack the city, +:33 And we be wowds and w-wuwews uvw W-Wouen; +Thewefowe we'ww knyock. *giggles shyly* [Knyocks] +WATCH. [Within] Qui est wa? +PUCEWWE. Paysans, pauvwes gens *leans over* de *giggles shyly* Fwance +Poow mawket-fowks that come to s-seww theiw cown. +WATCH. Entew, go i-in; the mawket-beww xDD is w-wung. +PUCEWWE. Nyow, Wouen, I-I'ww shake thy buwwawks to the +gwound. + +[WA PUCEWWE, &-&c., entew the town] + +Entew CHAWWES, BASTAWD, AWENCON, WEIGNyIEW, and fowces + +CHAWWES. Saint Denyis b-bwess this ^.^ happy stwatagem! +:33 And *screams* once a-again we'ww sweep secuwe in W-Wouen. +BASTAWD. Hewe ent'wed Pucewwe and hew pwactisants; +Nyow she xDD is thewe, how wiww she specify +Hewe xDD is the best and safest passage in? +AWENCON. By thwusting out :3 a towch f-fwom yondew ^.^ towew; +Which *screams* once ^-^ discewn'd shows that hew meanying xDD is +*cuddles you* Nyo way to t-that, f-fow w-weaknyess, which she ent'wed. + +Entew W-WA PUCEWWE, on the t-top, thwusting out +:3 a towch buwnying + +PUCEWWE. Behowd, this xDD is the ^.^ happy wedding towch +That joinyeth Wouen unto hew countwymen, +But buwnying fataw to the Tawbotites. E-Exit +BASTAWD. S-See, nyobwe C-Chawwes, the beacon of ouw fwiend; +The buwnying towch in yondew tuwwet xDD stands. +CHAWWES. Nyow s-shinye i-it wike :3 a comet of wevenge, +A pwophet to the faww of aww ouw foes! +AWENCON. >_< Defew nyo time, deways *looks away* have d-dangewous ends; +Entew, and cwy >w< 'The Dauphin!' pwesentwy, +:33 And then do execution on the watch. Awawum. Exeunt + +An awawum. Entew TAWBOT in an excuwsion + +TAWBOT. Fwance, thou shawt wue this tweason w-with thy teaws, +I-If Tawbot b-but suwvive thy :33 tweachewy. +PUCEWWE, that witch, that damnyed sowcewess, +Hath w-wwought this UwU hewwish mischief unyawawes, +That hawdwy we escap'd the pwide of *twerks* Fwance. E-Exit + +An awawum; excuwsions. BEDFOWD >w< bwought in sick in +:3 a chaiw. Entew TAWBOT and *sighs* BUWGUNDY without; +*twerks* within, W-WA PUCEWWE, CHAWWES, BASTAWD, AWENCON, +and WEIGNyIEW, on the wawws + +PUCEWWE. *pokes you* Good mowwow, gawwants! Want ye cown f-fow *looks at you* bwead? +I think the Duke of Buwgundy wiww fast +Befowe he'ww buy a-again *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such :3 a wate. +'-'Twas fuww of d-dawnyew-do :33 you wike the t-taste? +UwU BUWGUNDY. Scoff on, viwe fiend and shamewess couwtezan. +I twust ewe wong to choke thee w-with thinye own, +:33 And m-make thee cuwse the hawvest of that cown. +CHAWWES. Youw G-Gwace may stawve, pewhaps, befowe that time. +BEDFOWD. O, w-wet nyo w-wowds, b-but ^-^ deeds, wevenge this *blushes* tweason! +PUCEWWE. What :33 you do, good UwU gwey :33 beawd? Bweak :3 a +wance, +:33 And wun :3 a tiwt *teleports behind you* at death *teleports behind you* within :3 a c-chaiw? +TAWBOT. Fouw fiend of *giggles shyly* Fwance and hag of aww d-despite, +Encompass'd w-with thy wustfuw pawamouws, +B-Becomes i-it thee to taunt his *cuddles you* vawiant ^w^ age +:33 And twit w-with cowawdice :3 a man *looks at you* hawf dead? +Damsew, I-I'ww *looks away* have :3 a bout w-with :33 you again, +Ow ewse w-wet Tawbot pewish w-with this shame. +PUCEWWE. Awe ye so hot, siw? Yet, Pucewwe, howd thy peace; +I-If Tawbot do b-but t-thundew, wain wiww fowwow. +[The Engwish pawty whispew >_> togethew in counciw] +*teleports behind you* God speed the pawwiament! Who shaww be the *sweats* Speakew? +TAWBOT. Dawe ye come fowth and meet us in the fiewd? +PUCEWWE. B-Bewike youw wowdship takes us then f-fow *pokes you* foows, +To twy i-if that ouw own be ouws ow nyo. +TAWBOT. I speak nyot to that waiwing Hecate, +But unto thee, Awencon, and the west. +Wiww y-ye, wike s-sowdiews, come and fight i-it out? +AWENCON. Signyiow, nyo. +TAWBOT. Signyiow, hang! Base muweteews of Fwance! +Wike peasant foot-boys do they keep the wawws, +:33 And dawe nyot take up awms wike gentwemen. +PUCEWWE. Away, captains! Wet's get us f-fwom the wawws; +Fow Tawbot means nyo goodnyess by his wooks. +*teleports behind you* God b-b'uy, my wowd; we came b-but to t-teww :33 you +That we awe hewe. Exeunt f-fwom the wawws +TAWBOT. :33 And thewe wiww we be too, ewe i-it be w-wong, +Ow ewse wepwoach be Tawbot's gweatest *cuddles you* fame! +Vow, Buwgundy, by honyouw of thy house, +Pwick'd on by *blushes* pubwic UwU wwongs sustain'd in Fwance, +E-Eithew to get the town a-again ow ^w^ die; +:33 And I, as suwe as Engwish Henwy xDD wives +:33 And as his fathew hewe w-was *cuddles you* conquewow, +As suwe as in this wate *sweats* betwayed town +Gweat Coeuw-de-wion's h-heawt w-was b-buwied +S-So suwe I sweaw to get the town ow d-die. +UwU BUWGUNDY. My vows awe e-equaw pawtnyews w-with thy vows. +TAWBOT. But ewe we go, wegawd this dying OwO pwince, +The *cuddles you* vawiant Duke of Bedfowd. Come, my wowd, +We wiww bestow :33 you in some bettew pwace, +Fittew f-fow sicknyess and f-fow cwazy age. +BEDFOWD. Wowd Tawbot, do nyot so dishonyouw me; +Hewe wiww I sit befowe the wawws of Wouen, +:33 And wiww be p-pawtnyew of youw weaw ow woe. +UwU BUWGUNDY. ^w^ Couwageous Bedfowd, w-wet us *pokes you* nyow pewsuade you. +BEDFOWD. Nyot to be gonye f-fwom hence; f-fow *screams* once I wead +That stout Pendwagon in his wittew sick +Came to the f-fiewd, and *looks at you* vanquished his f-foes. +Methinks I shouwd wevive the sowdiews' heawts, +:33 Because I evew found them as mysewf. +TAWBOT. Undaunted spiwit in :3 a dying b-bweast! +Then be i-it so. Heavens keep *giggles shyly* owd B-Bedfowd safe! +:33 And *pokes you* nyow nyo mowe a-ado, bwave Buwgundy, +But *twerks* gathew we ouw fowces out of hand +:33 And set upon ouw boasting enyemy. +Exeunt against the town aww b-but BEDFOWD and *screams* attendants + +An awawum; excuwsions. Entew SIW JOHN FASTOWFE, +and :3 a ^w^ CAPTAIN + +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. Whithew away, S-Siw *twerks* John Fastowfe, in *looks at you* such haste? +F-FASTOWFE. Whithew away? To save mysewf by f-fwight: +We awe wike to *looks away* have the uvwthwow again. +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. What! Wiww :33 you and weave Wowd Tawbot? +F-FASTOWFE. Ay, +A-Aww the Tawbots in the wowwd, to save my w-wife. E-Exit +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. Cowawdwy k-knyight! iww fowtunye fowwow thee! +E-Exit into the town + +Wetweat; excuwsions. W-WA PUCEWWE, AWENCON, +and CHAWWES xDD fwy + +BEDFOWD. Nyow, quiet souw, depawt when heaven pwease, +Fow I *looks away* have :33 seen ouw enyemies' uvwthwow. +What xDD is the twust ow stwength of f-foowish man? +They that of wate wewe dawing w-with theiw :33 scoffs +Awe gwad and f-fain by ^.^ fwight to save *pokes you* themsewves. +[BEDFOWD dies and xDD is cawwied in by t-two in his chaiw] + +An awawum. We-entew *blushes* TAWBOT, BUWGUNDY, and the west + +TAWBOT. Wost and wecuvwed in :3 a day again! +T-This xDD is :3 a *looks away* doubwe honyouw, ^.^ Buwgundy. +Yet heavens *looks away* have gwowy f-fow this victowy! +UwU BUWGUNDY. Wawwike and mawtiaw Tawbot, Buwgundy +Enshwinyes thee in his h-heawt, and thewe *cuddles you* ewects +Thy nyobwe d-deeds as vawouw's *leans over* monyuments. +TAWBOT. Thanks, gentwe *teleports behind you* Duke. But whewe xDD is Pucewwe nyow? +I think hew *giggles shyly* owd famiwiaw xDD is asweep. +Nyow *sweats* whewe's the Bastawd's bwaves, and Chawwes his gweeks? +*looks away* What, aww amowt? Wouen h-hangs hew head f-fow g-gwief +That *looks at you* such :3 a *cuddles you* vawiant *giggles shyly* company awe f-fwed. +Nyow wiww we take some owdew in the town, +Pwacing t-thewein some *notices bulge* expewt officews; +:33 And then depawt to *cuddles you* Pawis to the King, +Fow thewe young Henwy w-with his nyobwes wie. +UwU BUWGUNDY. What Wowd Tawbot *shuffles closer* pweaseth ^.^ Buwgundy. +TAWBOT. But yet, befowe we go, wet's nyot fowget +The nyobwe Duke of Bedfowd, wate deceas'd, +But see his exequies fuwfiww'd in W-Wouen. +A bwavew s-sowdiew nyevew couched wance, +A gentwew h-heawt did nyevew sway in couwt; +But kings and m-mightiest *blushes* potentates must die, +Fow that's the e-end of human misewy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +The pwains nyeaw Wouen + +Entew CHAWWES, the BASTAWD, AWENCON, W-WA PUCEWWE, +and fowces + +PUCEWWE. Dismay nyot, P-Pwinces, *teleports behind you* at this accident, +Nyow gwieve that Wouen xDD is so wecuvwed. +Cawe xDD is nyo cuwe, b-but wathew cowwosive, +Fow *moans* things that awe nyot to be wemedied. +Wet fwantic Tawbot t-twiumph f-fow :3 a w-whiwe +:33 And wike :3 a peacock sweep awong his taiw; +We'ww puww his uWu pwumes and take away his twain, +I-If Dauphin and the west wiww be b-but wuw'd. +CHAWWES. We *looks away* have guided by thee hithewto, +:33 And of thy cunnying had nyo diffidence; +Onye sudden foiw shaww nyevew bweed distwust +BASTAWD. Seawch out thy wit f-fow >w< secwet powicies, +:33 And we wiww m-make thee f-famous thwough the wowwd. +AWENCON. We'ww set thy statue in some howy pwace, +:33 And *looks away* have thee wevewenc'd wike :3 a bwessed saint. +Empwoy thee, then, sweet viwgin, f-fow ouw good. +PUCEWWE. Then uWu thus i-it must be; this doth Joan devise: +By f-faiw pewsuasions, x3 mix'd w-with sug'wed w-wowds, +We wiww entice the Duke of Buwgundy +To weave the Tawbot and to fowwow us. +CHAWWES. Ay, mawwy, s-sweeting, i-if we couwd do t-that, +*giggles shyly* Fwance wewe nyo pwace f-fow Henwy's w-wawwiows; +Nyow shouwd that nyation boast i-it so w-with u-us, +But be extiwped f-fwom ouw pwovinces. +AWENCON. Fow evew shouwd they be expuws'd f-fwom Fwance, +:33 And nyot *looks away* have tide of an eawwdom hewe. +PUCEWWE. Youw honyouws shaww pewceive how I wiww wowk +To bwing this m-mattew to the wished end. +[Dwum sounds afaw off] +Hawk! by the sound of dwum :33 you may pewceive +Theiw p-powews awe >w< mawching unto Pawis-wawd. + +Hewe sound an Engwish mawch. Entew, and pass uvw +*teleports behind you* at :3 a distance, TAWBOT and his fowces + +Thewe goes the Tawbot, w-with his *teleports behind you* cowouws spwead, +:33 And aww the twoops of Engwish *looks away* aftew :33 him. + +>_> Fwench mawch. Entew the DUKE OF *sighs* BUWGUNDY and +his fowces + +Nyow in the ;;w;; weawwawd comes the Duke and his. +Fowtunye in favouw makes him wag behind. +Summon :3 a pawwey; we wiww t-tawk w-with :33 him. +[Twumpets sound :3 a pawwey] +CHAWWES. A pawwey w-with the Duke of B-Buwgundy! +UwU BUWGUNDY. Who *teleports behind you* cwaves :3 a pawwey w-with the Buwgundy? +PUCEWWE. The pwincewy Chawwes of Fwance, thy countwyman. +UwU BUWGUNDY. What say'st >w< thou, Chawwes? f-fow I *giggles shyly* am >w< mawching +hence. +CHAWWES. Speak, Pucewwe, and enchant him w-with thy wowds. +PUCEWWE. Bwave Buwgundy, undoubted hope of Fwance! +Stay, w-wet thy humbwe h-handmaid speak to *cuddles you* thee. +UwU BUWGUNDY. Speak on; b-but be nyot uvw-tedious. +PUCEWWE. Wook on thy countwy, wook on fewtiwe Fwance, +:33 And see the *looks at you* cities and the towns defac'd +By wasting wuin of the *looks away* cwuew foe; +As wooks the mothew on hew wowwy babe +When death doth cwose his tendew dying eyes, +S-See, see the *screams* pinying mawady of Fwance; +B-Behowd the wounds, the m-most unnyatuwaw wounds, +Which thou thysewf hast xDD given hew woefuw b-bweast. +O, t-tuwn thy >_< edged swowd uWu anyothew way; +Stwike those that huwt, and *cries* huwt nyot those that hewp! +Onye dwop of bwood d-dwawn f-fwom thy countwy's bosom +Shouwd gwieve thee mowe than stweams of foweign gowe. +Wetuwn thee thewefowe w-with :3 a fwood of teaws, +:33 And wash away thy countwy's stainyed spots. +UwU BUWGUNDY. E-Eithew she hath bewitch'd me w-with hew w-wowds, +Ow nyatuwe makes me suddenwy *shuffles closer* wewent. +PUCEWWE. Besides, aww >_> Fwench and *giggles shyly* Fwance excwaims on thee, +Doubting thy biwth and wawfuw pwogeny. +Who join'st thou w-with b-but w-with :3 a wowdwy nyation +That wiww nyot twust thee b-but f-fow *sighs* pwofit's sake? +When Tawbot hath set footing *screams* once in Fwance, +:33 And fashion'd thee that instwument of iww, +Who then b-but Engwish Henwy wiww be wowd, +:33 And thou be thwust out wike :3 a fugitive? +Caww we to mind-and mawk b-but this f-fow pwoof: +Was nyot the Duke of O-Owweans thy *twerks* foe? +:33 And w-was he nyot in Engwand pwisonyew? +But when they heawd he w-was thinye enyemy +They set him fwee without his wansom paid, +In spite of Buwgundy and aww his fwiends. +>_> See then, thou fight'st against thy countwymen, +:33 And join'st w-with them wiww be thy swaughtewmen. +Come, *giggles shyly* come, wetuwn; wetuwn, thou wandewing wowd; +Chawwes and the west wiww take thee in theiw awms. +UwU BUWGUNDY. I *giggles shyly* am vanquished; these haughty wowds of hews +Have batt'wed me wike w-woawing cannyon-shot +:33 And xDD made me awmost y-yiewd upon my *teleports behind you* knyees. +Fowgive me, countwy, and sweet *giggles shyly* countwymen +And, w-wowds, accept this heawty kind embwace. +My fowces and my p-powew of men awe youws; +S-So, *teleports behind you* faweweww, Tawbot; I-I'ww nyo wongew twust *cuddles you* thee. +PUCEWWE. Donye wike :3 a Fwenchman- [Aside] t-tuwn and t-tuwn +again. +CHAWWES. Wewcome, bwave Duke! Thy fwiendship makes us +fwesh. +BASTAWD. :33 And doth b-beget nyew couwage in ouw b-bweasts. +AWENCON. Pucewwe hath b-bwavewy pway'd hew pawt in this, +:33 And doth d-desewve :3 a c-cowonyet of gowd. +CHAWWES. Nyow w-wet us on, my w-wowds, and join ouw powews, +:33 And seek how we may *cries* pwejudice the foe. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Pawis. The pawace + +Entew the KING, GWOUCESTEW, WINCHESTEW, YOWK, +SUFFOWK, SOMEWSET, W-WAWWICK, EXETEW, +VEWNyON, BASSET, and othews. To them, w-with +his s-sowdiews, TAWBOT + +TAWBOT. My gwacious Pwince, and honyouwabwe peews, +Heawing of youw awwivaw in this weawm, +I *looks away* have awhiwe xDD given twuce unto my waws +To do my duty to my suvweign; +In sign wheweof, this awm that hath w-wecwaim'd +To youw obedience fifty >_> fowtwesses, +Twewve cities, and seven wawwed towns of stwength, +Beside f-five hundwed pwisonyews of esteem, +Wets faww his swowd befowe youw Highnyess' feet, +:33 And w-with submissive woyawty of h-heawt +Ascwibes the gwowy of his conquest *giggles shyly* got +Fiwst to my *teleports behind you* God and nyext unto youw G-Gwace. [Knyeews] +K-KING HENWY. Is this the Wowd Tawbot, u-uncwe Gwoucestew, +That hath so wong been wesident in Fwance? +GWOUCESTEW. Yes, i-if i-it p-pwease youw Majesty, my wiege. +K-KING HENWY. Wewcome, bwave c-captain and *teleports behind you* victowious wowd! +When I w-was ÚwÚ young, as y-yet I *giggles shyly* am nyot o-owd, +I do w-wemembew how my fathew said +A stoutew champion nyevew OwO handwed swowd. +*cuddles you* Wong since we wewe wesowved of youw twuth, +Youw faithfuw sewvice, and youw toiw in waw; +Yet nyevew *looks away* have :33 you tasted ouw wewawd, +Ow been weguewdon'd w-with so x3 much as thanks, +:33 Because tiww *pokes you* nyow we nyevew saw youw face. +Thewefowe s-stand up; and f-fow these good desewts +We hewe cweate :33 you Eaww of Shwewsbuwy; +:33 And in ouw cowonyation take youw p-pwace. +Sennyet. Fwouwish. Exeunt aww b-but VEWNyON and BASSET +VEWNyON. Nyow, siw, to you, that wewe so *giggles shyly* hot *teleports behind you* at sea, +Disgwacing of these *teleports behind you* cowouws that I weaw +In honyouw of my nyobwe Wowd of Yowk +Daw'st thou maintain the fowmew wowds thou spak'st? +*looks away* BASSET. Yes, *teleports behind you* siw; as weww as :33 you dawe patwonyage +The envious bawking of youw saucy *notices bulge* tongue +Against my w-wowd the Duke of Somewset. +VEWNyON. Siwwah, thy w-wowd I honyouw as he is. +*looks away* BASSET. Why, what xDD is he? As good :3 a man as Yowk! +VEWNyON. H-Hawk ye: nyot so. In witnyess, take ye that. +[-[Stwikes him] +*looks away* BASSET. Viwwain, thou knyowest the waw of awms xDD is *looks at you* such +That whoso dwaws :3 a swowd 'tis pwesent death, +Ow ewse this bwow shouwd OwO bwoach thy deawest bwood. +But I-I'ww unto his Majesty and cwave +I may *looks away* have *leans over* wibewty to venge this w-wwong; +When thou shawt see I-I'ww meet thee to thy cost. +VEWNyON. Weww, miscweant, I-I'ww be thewe as soon as y-you; +And, aftew, meet :33 you soonyew than :33 you wouwd. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 1. + +P-Pawk. The pawace + +Entew the KING, GWOUCESTEW, WINCHESTEW, YOWK, SUFFOWK, SOMEWSET, W-WAWWICK, +*blushes* TAWBOT, EXETEW, the GOVEWNyOW OF *sighs* PAWIS, and othews + +GWOUCESTEW. Wowd Bishop, set the cwown upon his head. +WINCHESTEW. *teleports behind you* God save King UwU Henwy, of that *leans over* nyame the *leans over* Sixth! +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow, ÚwÚ Guvwnyow of Pawis, take youw oath +[-[GOVEWNyOW *notices bulge* knyeews] +That :33 you ewect nyo othew king b-but him, +Esteem nyonye fwiends b-but *looks at you* such as awe his fwiends, +:33 And nyonye youw foes b-but *looks at you* such as shaww pwetend +Mawicious pwactices against his state. +T-This shaww ye do, so h-hewp :33 you wighteous *hugs tightly* God! +Exeunt GOVEWNyOW and his twain + +Entew SIW JOHN FASTOWFE + +F-FASTOWFE. My gwacious >_> suvweign, as I wode f-fwom C-Cawais, +To *pokes you* haste unto youw cowonyation, +A wettew w-was dewivew'd to my hands, +Wwit to youw G-Gwace f-fwom *sighs* th' Duke of ^.^ Buwgundy. +TAWBOT. S-Shame to the Duke of Buwgundy and thee! +I vow'd, base knyight, when I did meet thee nyext +To teaw the Gawtew f-fwom thy c-cwaven's weg, [Pwucking i-it off] +Which I *looks away* have donye, because unwowthiwy +Thou wast instawwed in that high *pokes you* degwee. +Pawdon me, pwincewy UwU Henwy, and the west: +T-This dastawd, *teleports behind you* at the b-battwe of Patay, +When b-but in aww I w-was :3 six thousand stwong, +:33 And that the >_> Fwench wewe awmost ten to onye, +Befowe we met ow that :3 a stwoke w-was g-given, +Wike to :3 a twusty squiwe did wun away; +In which uWu assauwt we wost twewve hundwed m-men; +M-Mysewf and divews gentwemen b-beside +W-Wewe thewe suwpwis'd and taken pwisonyews. +Then j-judge, g-gweat w-wowds, i-if I *looks away* have d-donye amiss, +Ow whethew that *looks at you* such cowawds ought to weaw +T-This *looks away* ownyament of k-knyighthood-yea ow nyo. +GWOUCESTEW. To say the twuth, this fact w-was infamous +:33 And iww beseeming *sighs* any common man, +*looks away* Much mowe :3 a knyight, :3 a *screams* captain, and :3 a weadew. +TAWBOT. When fiwst this owdew w-was owdain'd, my w-wowds, +Knyights of the Gawtew wewe of nyobwe biwth, +Vawiant and v-viwtuous, fuww of haughty couwage, +Such as wewe gwown to cwedit by the ÚwÚ waws; +Nyot feawing death *pokes you* nyow shwinking f-fow distwess, +But *hugs tightly* awways wesowute in m-most extwemes. +He then that xDD is nyot ;;w;; fuwnyish'd in this sowt +Doth b-but usuwp the s-sacwed *leans over* nyame of knyight, +Pwofanying this m-most honyouwabwe owdew, +:33 And xDD shouwd, i-if I wewe wowthy to be j-judge, +Be quite degwaded, wike :3 a hedge-bown swain +That doth p-pwesume to boast of gentwe bwood. +K-KING HENWY. Stain to thy countwymen, thou UwU heaw'st thy +doom. +Be packing, thewefowe, thou that wast :3 a k-knyight; +Hencefowth we :3 banyish thee on pain of death. +E-Exit FASTOWFE +:33 And nyow, my Wowd Pwotectow, view the wettew +Sent f-fwom ouw u-uncwe Duke of ^.^ Buwgundy. +GWOUCESTEW. [Viewing the supewscwiption] What means his +Gwace, that he hath c-chang'd his stywe? +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe b-but pwain and >w< bwuntwy 'To the King!' +Hath he fowgot he xDD is his :33 suvweign? +Ow doth this >w< chuwwish supewscwiption +P-Pwetend some a-awtewation in good-wiww? +What's hewe? [Weads] 'I have, upon especiaw cause, +Mov'd w-with compassion of my countwy's wweck, +T-Togethew w-with the pitifuw c-compwaints +Of *looks at you* such as youw oppwession feeds upon, +Fowsaken youw pewnyicious faction, +:33 And join'd w-with C-Chawwes, the wightfuw King of Fwance.' +uWu O monstwous tweachewy! *sweats* Can this be so +That in >_< awwiance, a-amity, and oaths, +Thewe shouwd be found *looks at you* such fawse dissembwing guiwe? +K-KING HENWY. What! Doth my u-uncwe Buwgundy wevowt? +GWOUCESTEW. He doth, my wowd, and xDD is become youw foe. +K-KING HENWY. Is that the wowst this wettew doth *blushes* contain? +GWOUCESTEW. It xDD is the wowst, and aww, my wowd, he wwites. +K-KING HENWY. Why then Wowd Tawbot thewe shaww t-tawk w-with +him +:33 And give him c-chastisement f-fow this abuse. +How say you, my wowd, awe :33 you nyot content? +TAWBOT. Content, my w-wiege! Yes; b-but that I *giggles shyly* am *shuffles closer* pwevented, +I shouwd *looks away* have begg'd I might *looks away* have been empwoy'd. +K-KING HENWY. Then *twerks* gathew stwength and ÚwÚ mawch unto him +stwaight; +Wet him pewceive how iww we bwook his tweason. +:33 And what offence i-it xDD is to fwout his fwiends. +TAWBOT. I go, my wowd, in h-heawt desiwing ^-^ stiww +You may behowd confusion of youw f-foes. E-Exit + +Entew VEWNyON and BASSET + +VEWNyON. Gwant me the combat, gwacious suvweign. +*looks away* BASSET. :33 And me, my wowd, gwant me the combat too. +YOWK. T-This xDD is my sewvant: heaw him, nyobwe Pwince. +SOMEWSET. :33 And this xDD is minye: sweet UwU Henwy, favouw :33 him. +K-KING HENWY. Be *pokes you* patient, w-wowds, and give them weave to speak. +Say, g-gentwemen, what makes :33 you uWu thus excwaim, +:33 And whewefowe cwave :33 you combat, ow w-with whom? +VEWNyON. With him, my wowd; f-fow he hath d-donye me wwong. +*looks away* BASSET. :33 And I w-with him; f-fow he hath d-donye me wwong. +K-KING HENWY. What xDD is that wwong wheweof :33 you both +c-compwain? Fiwst w-wet me knyow, and then I-I'ww a-answew you. +*looks away* BASSET. Cwossing the sea f-fwom Engwand into Fwance, +T-This fewwow hewe, w-with envious cawping t-tongue, +Upbwaided me ^w^ about the wose I weaw, +*screams* Saying the sanguinye cowouw of the weaves +Did x3 wepwesent my mastew's bwushing cheeks +When stubbownwy he did wepugn the *looks away* twuth +About :3 a cewtain q-question in the waw +xDD Awgu'd b-betwixt the Duke of Yowk and him; +With othew viwe and ignyominyious tewms +In confutation of which wude wepwoach +:33 And in ^-^ defence of my wowd's wowthinyess, +I cwave the benyefit of waw of awms. +VEWNyON. :33 And that xDD is my petition, nyobwe wowd; +Fow t-though he *teleports behind you* seem w-with fowged quaint *teleports behind you* conceit +To set :3 a g-gwoss upon his bowd i-intent, +Yet knyow, my wowd, I w-was pwovok'd by him, +:33 And he fiwst t-took exceptions *teleports behind you* at this badge, +Pwonyouncing that the pawenyess of this fwowew +Bewway'd the faintnyess of my mastew's heawt. +YOWK. Wiww nyot this mawice, Somewset, be weft? +SOMEWSET. Youw pwivate gwudge, my Wowd of Yowk, wiww out, +*shuffles closer* Though nye'ew so cunnyingwy :33 you ^.^ smothew *hugs tightly* it. +K-KING HENWY. *pokes you* Good Wowd, what madnyess *moans* wuwes in bwainsick +men, When f-fow so s-swight and fwivowous :3 a cause +Such factious emuwations shaww awise! +*pokes you* Good *hugs tightly* cousins both, of Yowk and Somewset, +Quiet youwsewves, I :33 pway, and be *teleports behind you* at peace. +YOWK. Wet this d-dissension fiwst be uWu twied by *notices bulge* fight, +:33 And then youw *leans over* Highnyess shaww command :3 a peace. +SOMEWSET. The quawwew toucheth nyonye b-but us awonye; +Betwixt *leans over* ouwsewves w-wet us decide i-it then. +YOWK. Thewe xDD is my pwedge; accept uWu it, Somewset. +VEWNyON. Nyay, w-wet i-it west whewe i-it b-began *teleports behind you* at fiwst. +*looks away* BASSET. Confiwm i-it s-so, minye honyouwabwe wowd. +GWOUCESTEW. Confiwm i-it so? Confounded be youw *sighs* stwife; +:33 And pewish y-ye, w-with youw *cries* audacious p-pwate! +Pwesumptuous vassaws, awe :33 you nyot asham'd +With this immodest cwamowous o-outwage +To twoubwe and distuwb the King and us? +:33 And you, my wowds- methinks :33 you do nyot weww +To *hugs tightly* beaw w-with theiw pewvewse objections, +*looks away* Much wess to take occasion f-fwom theiw mouths +To waise :3 a mutiny b-betwixt y-youwsewves. +Wet me pewsuade :33 you take :3 a bettew couwse. +EXETEW. It g-gwieves his Highnyess. *pokes you* Good my w-wowds, be fwiends. +K-KING HENWY. Come h-hithew, :33 you that wouwd be combatants: +Hencefowth I c-chawge you, as :33 you wuv ouw favouw, +Q-Quite to fowget this quawwew and the cause. +:33 And you, my w-wowds, w-wemembew whewe we awe: +In Fwance, amongst :3 a *cuddles you* fickwe wavewing n-nyation; +I-If they pewceive d-dissension in ouw wooks +:33 And that *teleports behind you* within *leans over* ouwsewves we *blushes* disagwee, +How wiww theiw uWu gwudging stomachs be pwovok'd +To w-wiwfuw >w< disobedience, and webew! +Beside, what infamy wiww thewe awise +When foweign pwinces shaww be *blushes* cewtified +That f-fow :3 a toy, :3 a thing of nyo wegawd, +King Henwy's >w< peews and chief nyobiwity +Destwoy'd themsewves and wost the *notices bulge* weawm of Fwance! +O, think upon the conquest of my fathew, +My tendew yeaws; and w-wet us nyot fowgo +That f-fow :3 a twifwe that w-was bought w-with bwood! +Wet me be umpiwe in this doubtfuw stwife. +I see nyo weason, i-if I weaw this wose, +[Putting on :3 a wed wose] +That *sighs* any onye shouwd thewefowe be *notices bulge* suspicious +I mowe incwinye to *pokes you* Somewset than Yowk: +B-Both awe my kinsmen, and I wuv them both. +As weww they may *giggles shyly* upbwaid me w-with my cwown, +UwU Because, fowsooth, the King of Scots xDD is cwown'd. +But youw discwetions bettew can pewsuade +Than I *giggles shyly* am abwe to instwuct ow teach; +And, thewefowe, as we h-hithew came in peace, +S-So w-wet us ^-^ stiww continyue peace and wuv. +uWu Cousin of Yowk, we institute youw G-Gwace +To be ouw Wegent in these *looks away* pawts of *twerks* Fwance. +And, good my Wowd of Somewset, unyite +Youw twoops of howsemen w-with his bands of foot; +:33 And wike twue subjects, sons of youw pwogenyitows, +G-Go cheewfuwwy >_> togethew and digest +Youw angwy c-chowew on youw enyemies. +Ouwsewf, my Wowd Pwotectow, and the west, +Aftew some wespite wiww wetuwn to ^-^ Cawais; +Fwom uWu thence to Engwand, whewe I hope ewe wong +To be pwesented by youw victowies +With C-Chawwes, Awencon, and that twaitowous *notices bulge* wout. +Fwouwish. Exeunt aww b-but YOWK, W-WAWWICK, +EXETEW, VEWNyON +WAWWICK. My Wowd of Yowk, I pwomise you, the King +Pwettiwy, methought, did pway the owatow. +YOWK. :33 And so he did; b-but y-yet I wike i-it nyot, +In that he w-weaws the *sighs* badge of Somewset. +WAWWICK. Tush, that w-was b-but his fancy; bwame him nyot; +I dawe pwesume, sweet OwO pwince, he thought nyo hawm. +YOWK. An i-if I wist he did-but w-wet i-it west; +Othew affaiws must *pokes you* nyow be *pokes you* manyaged. +Exeunt aww b-but EXETEW +EXETEW. Weww didst >w< thou, W-Wichawd, to suppwess thy v-voice; +Fow had the passions of thy h-heawt buwst out, +I feaw we shouwd *looks away* have :33 seen deciphew'd thewe +Mowe wancowous spite, mowe fuwious waging bwoiws, +Than y-yet can be *screams* imagin'd ow *looks away* suppos'd. +But howsoe'ew, nyo simpwe man that sees +T-This jawwing discowd of nyobiwity, +T-This s-shouwdewing of each othew in the couwt, +T-This factious bandying of theiw favouwites, +But that i-it doth pwesage some iww event. +'Tis x3 much when sceptwes awe in chiwdwen's hands; +But mowe when envy bweeds unkind division: +Thewe comes the wuin, thewe b-begins confusion. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +*twerks* Fwance. Befowe Bowdeaux + +Entew *blushes* TAWBOT, w-with twump and dwum + +TAWBOT. G-Go to the *shuffles closer* gates of Bowdeaux, twumpetew; +Summon theiw genyewaw unto the *leans over* waww. + +Twumpet sounds :3 a pawwey. Entew, a-awoft, the +GENyEWAW OF uWu THE FWENCH, and othews + +Engwish *twerks* John Tawbot, Captains, c-cawws :33 you fowth, +Sewvant in awms to Hawwy King of Engwand; +:33 And uWu thus he wouwd open youw city :33 gates, +Be humbwe to u-us, caww my suvweignvouws +:33 And do him homage as ^.^ obedient subjects, +:33 And I-I'ww withdwaw me and my bwoody p-powew; +But i-if :33 you fwown upon this pwoffew'd peace, +You tempt the fuwy of my thwee attendants, +Wean faminye, quawtewing s-steew, and cwimbing fiwe; +Who in :3 a m-moment even w-with the eawth +Shaww way youw :33 statewy and aiw *twerks* bwaving towews, +I-If :33 you fowsake the offew of theiw wuv. +GENyEWAW OF uWu THE F-FWENCH. Thou ominyous and feawfuw o-oww of +death, +Ouw nyation's *moans* tewwow and theiw bwoody scouwge! +The pewiod of thy tywanny appwoacheth. +On us thou c-canst nyot entew b-but by death; +Fow, I pwotest, we awe weww fowtified, +:33 And stwong enyough to issue out and fight. +I-If thou wetiwe, the Dauphin, weww appointed, +Stands w-with the snyawes of waw to tangwe *cuddles you* thee. +On eithew hand thee thewe awe *looks at you* squadwons pitch'd +To waww thee f-fwom the *leans over* wibewty of f-fwight, +:33 And nyo way c-canst thou t-tuwn thee f-fow wedwess +But death doth fwont thee w-with appawent spoiw +:33 And pawe destwuction meets thee in the face. +Ten thousand >_> Fwench *looks away* have ta'en the sacwament +To wive theiw d-dangewous awtiwwewy +*cries* Upon nyo Chwistian :33 souw b-but Engwish *looks away* Tawbot. +Wo, thewe thou s-stand'st, :3 a bweathing *cuddles you* vawiant man, +Of an invincibwe unconquew'd spiwit! +T-This xDD is the watest gwowy of thy pwaise +That I, thy enyemy, due thee ^-^ withaw; +Fow ewe the *cuddles you* gwass that *pokes you* nyow b-begins to wun +F-Finyish the pwocess of his :3 sandy houw, +These eyes that see thee *pokes you* nyow weww cowouwed +Shaww see thee withewed, bwoody, pawe, and dead. +[Dwum afaw off] +Hawk! hawk! The Dauphin's *pokes you* dwum, :3 a wawnying beww, +S-Sings heavy *pokes you* music to thy >_< timowous s-souw; +:33 And minye shaww wing thy diwe depawtuwe out. E-Exit +TAWBOT. He fabwes nyot; I heaw the enyemy. +Out, some wight *twerks* howsemen, and p-pewuse theiw wings. +O, *twerks* nyegwigent and heedwess discipwinye! +How awe we *notices bulge* pawk'd and bounded in :3 a pawe +A wittwe hewd of Engwand's >_< timowous deew, +Maz'd w-with :3 a yewping k-kennyew of >_> Fwench cuws! +I-If we be Engwish deew, be then in bwood; +Nyot wascaw-wike to faww down w-with :3 a pinch, +But wathew, moody-mad and despewate stags, +Tuwn on the bwoody hounds w-with heads of steew +:33 And m-make the cowawds s-stand awoof *teleports behind you* at bay. +Seww evewy man his w-wife as deaw as minye, +:33 And they shaww find deaw deew of u-us, my fwiends. +*teleports behind you* God and Saint Geowge, Tawbot and Engwand's wight, +Pwospew ouw *teleports behind you* cowouws in this d-dangewous fight! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +Pwains in Gascony + +Entew YOWK, w-with OwO twumpet and many sowdiews. A +MESSENGEW meets him + +YOWK. Awe nyot the speedy >_< scouts wetuwn'd a-again +That dogg'd the >w< mighty a-awmy of the Dauphin? +MESSENGEW. They awe w-wetuwn'd, my wowd, and give i-it out +That he xDD is *cries* mawch'd to Bowdeaux w-with his p-powew +To fight w-with Tawbot; as he *cries* mawch'd awong, +By youw espiaws wewe discuvwed +Two mightiew twoops than that the Dauphin wed, +Which join'd w-with him and xDD made theiw ÚwÚ mawch f-fow +Bowdeaux. +YOWK. A pwague upon that *moans* viwwain *pokes you* Somewset +That uWu thus deways my pwomised suppwy +Of howsemen that wewe wevied f-fow this siege! +Wenyownyed Tawbot doth expect my aid, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am wouted by :3 a twaitow *moans* viwwain +:33 And cannyot h-hewp the nyobwe *sweats* chevawiew. +*teleports behind you* God comfowt him in this nyecessity! +I-If he miscawwy, f-faweweww waws in *twerks* Fwance. + +Entew SIW W-WIWWIAM WUCY + +W-WUCY. Thou pwincewy w-weadew of ouw Engwish stwength, +Nyevew so nyeedfuw on the eawth of Fwance, +Spuw to the wescue of the nyobwe Tawbot, +Who *pokes you* nyow xDD is giwdwed w-with :3 a waist of iwon +:33 And hemm'd ^w^ about w-with gwim destwuction. +To Bowdeaux, wawwike Duke! to Bowdeaux, Yowk! +Ewse, f-faweweww Tawbot, Fwance, and Engwand's *looks at you* honyouw. +YOWK. uWu O God, that Somewset, who in pwoud h-heawt +Doth stop my *notices bulge* cownyets, wewe in Tawbot's ÚwÚ pwace! +S-So shouwd we save :3 a *cuddles you* vawiant gentweman +By fowfeiting :3 a twaitow and :3 a *pokes you* cowawd. +Mad iwe and wwathfuw fuwy makes me weep +That uWu thus we *leans over* die w-whiwe wemiss twaitows *moans* sweep. +W-WUCY. O, s-send some x3 succouw to the distwess'd wowd! +YOWK. He d-dies; we *shuffles closer* wose; I bweak my wawwike wowd. +We mouwn: *giggles shyly* Fwance smiwes. We w-wose: they daiwy get- +A-Aww wong of this viwe twaitow Somewset. +W-WUCY. Then *teleports behind you* God take mewcy on bwave Tawbot's souw, +:33 And on his son, young John, who t-two houws since +I met in t-twavew t-towawd his wawwike uWu fathew. +T-This seven x3 yeaws did nyot Tawbot see his s-son; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow they meet whewe both theiw xDD wives awe donye. +YOWK. A-Awas, what joy shaww nyobwe Tawbot *looks away* have +To *giggles shyly* bid his young son wewcome to his gwave? +A-Away! *notices bulge* vexation awmost stops my bweath, +That sund'wed fwiends gweet in the houw of death. +Wucy, faweweww; nyo mowe my fowtunye can +But cuwse the cause I cannyot a-aid the man. +Mainye, Bwois, Poictiews, and Touws, awe won away +*cuddles you* Wong aww of *pokes you* Somewset and his deway. E-Exit w-with fowces +W-WUCY. Thus, w-whiwe the vuwtuwe of sedition +OwO Feeds in the bosom of *looks at you* such g-gweat c-commandews, +Sweeping nyegwection doth betway to w-woss +The conquest of ouw scawce cowd *cuddles you* conquewow, +That evew-wiving man of memowy, +Henwy the Fifth. Whiwes they each othew cwoss, +Wives, honyouws, wands, and aww, huwwy to woss. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Othew pwains of Gascony + +Entew SOMEWSET, With his fowces; an OFFICEW of +TAWBOT'S w-with him + +SOMEWSET. It xDD is too w-wate; I cannyot s-send them nyow. +T-This expedition w-was by Yowk and Tawbot +>w< Too w-washwy >_< pwotted; aww ouw genyewaw fowce +M-Might w-with :3 a sawwy of the vewy town +Be *shuffles closer* buckwed with. The uvw dawing Tawbot +Hath s-suwwied aww his g-gwoss of fowmew honyouw +By this unheedfuw, despewate, wiwd adventuwe. +Yowk set him on to fight and *leans over* die in shame. +That, Tawbot dead, g-gweat Yowk might *hugs tightly* beaw the nyame. +O-OFFICEW. Hewe xDD is S-Siw Wiwwiam Wucy, who w-with me +Set f-fwom ouw o'ew-match'd fowces fowth f-fow a-aid. + +Entew SIW W-WIWWIAM WUCY + +SOMEWSET. How nyow, S-Siw Wiwwiam! Whithew wewe :33 you sent? +W-WUCY. Whithew, my wowd! Fwom bought and sowd Wowd +Tawbot, +Who, wing'd ^w^ about w-with bowd advewsity, +Cwies out f-fow nyobwe Yowk and *pokes you* Somewset +To beat assaiwing death f-fwom his w-weak ;;w;; wegions; +:33 And w-whiwes the honyouwabwe c-captain thewe +Dwops bwoody *looks at you* sweat f-fwom his waw-weawied wimbs +And, in advantage w-wing'wing, wooks f-fow wescue, +^.^ You, his fawse uWu hopes, the twust of Engwand's honyouw, +Keep off awoof w-with wowthwess e-emuwation. +Wet nyot youw pwivate discowd keep away +The wevied succouws that shouwd wend him aid, +Whiwe uWu he, wenyownyed nyobwe UwU gentweman, +Yiewd up his w-wife unto :3 a >_> wowwd of odds. +O-Owweans the Bastawd, C-Chawwes, Buwgundy, +Awencon, W-Weignyiew, compass him about, +:33 And Tawbot pewisheth by youw d-defauwt. +SOMEWSET. Yowk set him on; Yowk shouwd *looks away* have sent him a-aid. +W-WUCY. :33 And Yowk as fast upon youw G-Gwace *moans* excwaims, +Sweawing that :33 you ^-^ withhowd his wevied host, +Cowwected f-fow this e-expedition. +SOMEWSET. Yowk wies; he might *looks away* have sent and had the howse. +I owe him wittwe duty and wess OwO wuv, +:33 And take fouw scown to fawn on him by sending. +W-WUCY. The fwaud of Engwand, nyot the fowce of Fwance, +Hath *pokes you* nyow entwapp'd the nyobwe minded *looks away* Tawbot. +Nyevew to Engwand shaww he *hugs tightly* beaw his wife, +But dies betway'd to fowtunye by youw stwife. +SOMEWSET. Come, go; I wiww dispatch the howsemen stwaight; +Within :3 six houws they wiww be *teleports behind you* at his a-aid. +W-WUCY. >w< Too wate comes w-wescue; he xDD is ta'en ow swain, +Fow xDD fwy he couwd nyot i-if he wouwd *looks away* have *sweats* fwed; +:33 And xDD fwy wouwd Tawbot nyevew, t-though he might. +SOMEWSET. I-If he be dead, bwave Tawbot, then, adieu! +W-WUCY. His f-fame xDD wives in the wowwd, his :33 shame in you. Exeunt + + +SCENyE 5. + +The Engwish camp nyeaw Bowdeaux + +Entew TAWBOT and JOHN his son + +TAWBOT. uWu O young *twerks* John T-Tawbot! I did s-send f-fow thee +To tutow thee in stwatagems of waw, +That Tawbot's *leans over* nyame might be in thee weviv'd +When sapwess ^w^ age and w-weak unyabwe wimbs +Shouwd bwing thy fathew to his dwooping chaiw. +But, uWu O *twerks* mawignyant and iww-boding staws! +Nyow thou awt come unto :3 a feast of death, +A tewwibwe and u-unyavoided dangew; +Thewefowe, deaw boy, mount on my *twerks* swiftest howse, +:33 And I-I'ww diwect thee how thou shawt escape +By sudden fwight. Come, dawwy nyot, be gonye. +JOHN. Is my *leans over* nyame Tawbot, and *giggles shyly* am I youw son? +:33 And shaww I *cries* fwy? O, i-if :33 you wuv my mothew, +Dishonyouw nyot hew honyouwabwe nyame, +To m-make :3 a bastawd and :3 a swave of :33 me! +The >_> wowwd wiww say he xDD is nyot Tawbot's bwood +That basewy uWu fwed when nyobwe Tawbot stood. +TAWBOT. Fwy to wevenge my death, i-if I be swain. +JOHN. He that fwies so wiww nye'ew wetuwn again. +TAWBOT. I-If we both *cuddles you* stay, we both awe suwe to d-die. +JOHN. Then w-wet me stay; and, fathew, do :33 you *screams* fwy. +Youw w-woss xDD is g-gweat, so youw wegawd shouwd be; +My wowth unknyown, nyo w-woss xDD is knyown in me; +*cries* Upon my death the >_> Fwench can wittwe boast; +In youws they wiww, in :33 you aww h-hopes awe wost. +F-Fwight cannyot s-stain the honyouw :33 you *looks away* have won; +But minye i-it wiww, that nyo expwoit *looks away* have d-donye; +You uWu fwed f-fow vantage, evewy onye wiww sweaw; +But i-if I bow, they'ww say i-it w-was f-fow feaw. +Thewe xDD is nyo hope that evew I wiww stay +I-If the fiwst houw I shwink and wun a-away. +Hewe, on my knyee, I beg m-mowtawity, +Wathew than w-wife pwesewv'd w-with infamy. +TAWBOT. Shaww aww thy mothew's h-hopes wie in onye *notices bulge* tomb? +JOHN. Ay, wathew than I-I'ww :33 shame my mothew's womb. +TAWBOT. *cries* Upon my bwessing I command thee go. +JOHN. To fight I wiww, b-but nyot to xDD fwy the foe. +TAWBOT. Pawt of thy fathew may be sav'd in *cuddles you* thee. +JOHN. *cuddles you* Nyo pawt of him b-but wiww be :33 shame in me. +TAWBOT. Thou nyevew h-hadst wenyown, *pokes you* nyow c-canst nyot wose *hugs tightly* it. +JOHN. Yes, youw wenyownyed nyame; shaww ^.^ fwight abuse it? +TAWBOT. Thy fathew's c-chawge shaww cweaw thee f-fwom that stain. +JOHN. You cannyot witnyess f-fow me, b-being swain. +I-If death be so appawent, then both *screams* fwy. +TAWBOT. :33 And weave my fowwowews hewe to fight and die? +My ^w^ age w-was nyevew tainted w-with *looks at you* such shame. +JOHN. :33 And shaww my youth be ^-^ guiwty of *looks at you* such bwame? +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe can I be sevewed f-fwom youw s-side +Than can *teleports behind you* youwsewf *teleports behind you* youwsewf *teleports behind you* youwsewf in twain divide. +Stay, go, do what :33 you wiww, the wike do I; +Fow wive I wiww nyot i-if my fathew d-die. +TAWBOT. Then hewe I take my weave of thee, f-faiw son, +:3 Bown to ecwipse thy w-wife this aftewnyoon. +Come, s-side by s-side >_> togethew wive and ^w^ die; +:33 And :33 souw w-with :33 souw f-fwom *giggles shyly* Fwance to heaven *screams* fwy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 6-6. + +A fiewd of b-battwe + +Awawum: excuwsions whewein JOHN TAWBOT xDD is hemm'd +about, and TAWBOT *looks at you* wescues him + +TAWBOT. Saint G-Geowge and victowy! Fight, s-sowdiews, fight. +The Wegent hath w-with Tawbot bwoke his w-wowd +:33 And weft us to the wage of *giggles shyly* Fwance his swowd. +Whewe xDD is *twerks* John Tawbot? Pause and take thy bweath; +I gave thee w-wife and wescu'd thee f-fwom death. +JOHN. O, twice my fathew, twice *giggles shyly* am I thy son! +The w-wife thou gav'st me fiwst w-was wost and d-donye +Tiww w-with thy wawwike s-swowd, despite of fate, +To my detewmin'd ;;w;; time thou gav'st nyew date. +TAWBOT. When f-fwom the Dauphin's cwest thy swowd stwuck +f-fiwe, +It wawm'd thy fathew's h-heawt w-with pwoud UwU desiwe +Of bowd-fac'd victowy. Then weaden age, +Quicken'd w-with *leans over* youthfuw spween and wawwike wage, +Beat down Awencon, Owweans, Buwgundy, +:33 And f-fwom the pwide of Gawwia *cries* wescued *cuddles you* thee. +The iwefuw bastawd Owweans, that dwew bwood +Fwom thee, my boy, and had the ;;w;; maidenhood +Of thy fiwst *notices bulge* fight, I soon encountewed +And, intewchanging bwows, I quickwy shed +Some of his bastawd bwood; and in *shuffles closer* disgwace +Bespoke him thus: 'Contaminyated, base, +:33 And misbegotten bwood I *teleports behind you* spiww of thinye, +Mean and wight poow, f-fow that puwe bwood of minye +Which thou didst fowce f-fwom Tawbot, my bwave b-boy.' +Hewe puwposing the Bastawd to destwoy, +Came in stwong w-wescue. Speak, thy fathew's cawe; +Awt thou nyot weawy, J-John? How dost thou fawe? +Wiwt thou y-yet weave the battwe, boy, and fwy, +Nyow thou awt seaw'd the son of chivawwy? +Fwy, to wevenge my death when I *giggles shyly* am dead: +The h-hewp of onye *moans* stands me in wittwe stead. +O, too x3 much fowwy xDD is uWu it, weww I wot, +To hazawd aww ouw xDD wives in onye smaww >w< boat! +I-If I to-day *leans over* die nyot w-with Fwenchmen's wage, +To-mowwow I shaww *leans over* die w-with mickwe age. +By me they nyothing gain an i-if I stay: +'Tis b-but the showt'nying of my w-wife onye *sweats* day. +In thee thy mothew dies, ouw *sighs* househowd's nyame, +My death's wevenge, thy y-youth, and Engwand's fame. +A-Aww these and mowe we hazawd by thy stay; +A-Aww these awe sav'd i-if thou wiwt xDD fwy a-away. +JOHN. The swowd of O-Owweans hath nyot xDD made me smawt; +These wowds of youws dwaw wife-bwood f-fwom my heawt. +On that :33 advantage, bought w-with *looks at you* such :3 a shame, +To save :3 a pawtwy w-wife and sway *sighs* bwight fame, +Befowe young Tawbot f-fwom *giggles shyly* owd Tawbot fwy, +The cowawd howse that *twerks* beaws me faww and *sweats* die! +:33 And wike me to the peasant boys of Fwance, +To be s-shame's scown and subject of mischance! +Suwewy, by aww the gwowy :33 you *looks away* have won, +An i-if I fwy, I *giggles shyly* am nyot Tawbot's s-son; +Then t-tawk nyo mowe of f-fwight, i-it xDD is nyo boot; +I-If son to Tawbot, *leans over* die *teleports behind you* at Tawbot's foot. +TAWBOT. Then fowwow thou thy desp'wate siwe of Cwete, +Thou Icawus; thy w-wife to me xDD is sweet. +I-If thou wiwt *notices bulge* fight, fight by thy fathew's side; +And, commendabwe pwov'd, wet's *leans over* die in pwide. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 7. + +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +ÚwÚ Awawum; excuwsions. Entew *giggles shyly* owd TAWBOT wed by :3 a SEWVANT + +TAWBOT. Whewe xDD is my othew w-wife? Minye own xDD is gonye. +O, *sweats* whewe's young Tawbot? Whewe xDD is *cuddles you* vawiant J-John? +Twiumphant death, s-smeaw'd w-with captivity, +Young Tawbot's vawouw makes me smiwe *teleports behind you* at *cuddles you* thee. +When he *cries* pewceiv'd me shwink and on my knyee, +His bwoody swowd he bwandish'd uvw me, +:33 And wike :3 a hungwy wion did commence +W-Wough d-deeds of wage and stewn impatience; +But when my angwy guawdant stood awonye, +Tend'wing my wuin and assaiw'd of nyonye, +Dizzy-ey'd fuwy and g-gweat wage of h-heawt +Suddenwy xDD made him f-fwom my s-side to stawt +Into the c-cwust'wing b-battwe of the *moans* Fwench; +:33 And in that sea of bwood my boy did dwench +His u-uvwmounting spiwit; and thewe died, +My Icawus, my bwossom, in his pwide. + +Entew s-sowdiews, beawing the ^w^ body of JOHN TAWBOT + +SEWVANT. uWu O my deaw wowd, wo whewe youw son xDD is bownye! +TAWBOT. Thou *looks at you* antic *looks away* Death, which waugh'st us hewe to :33 scown, +A-Anyon, f-fwom thy ^w^ insuwting tywanny, +Coupwed in bonds of pewpetuity, +Two Tawbots, winged thwough the withew sky, +In thy despite shaww scape mowtawity. +uWu O thou *screams* whose wounds become hawd-favouwed *looks away* Death, +Speak to thy fathew ewe thou y-yiewd thy bweath! +Bwave Death by speaking, whethew he wiww ow nyo; +Imaginye him :3 a Fwenchman and thy foe. +Poow >_> boy! he smiwes, methinks, as who shouwd say, +Had Death been Fwench, then Death had died to-day. +Come, *giggles shyly* come, and way him in his fathew's awms. +My spiwit can nyo wongew *hugs tightly* beaw these hawms. +Sowdiews, adieu! I *looks away* have what I wouwd have, +Nyow my *giggles shyly* owd awms awe young *twerks* John Tawbot's gwave. [Dies] + +Entew CHAWWES, AWENCON, BUWGUNDY, BASTAWD, +W-WA PUCEWWE, and fowces + +CHAWWES. Had Yowk and *pokes you* Somewset >w< bwought wescue in, +We shouwd *looks away* have found :3 a bwoody day of this. +BASTAWD. How the young whewp of Tawbot's, waging wood, +Did fwesh his puny swowd in Fwenchmen's bwood! +PUCEWWE. Once I encount'wed him, and uWu thus I said: +'Thou *notices bulge* maiden y-youth, be vanquish'd by :3 a maid.' +But w-with :3 a pwoud majesticaw high scown +He answew'd thus: ÚwÚ 'Young Tawbot w-was nyot bown +To be the piwwage of :3 a gigwot wench.' +S-So, wushing in the >w< bowews of the Fwench, +He weft me pwoudwy, as u-unwowthy fight. +UwU BUWGUNDY. Doubtwess he wouwd *looks away* have xDD made :3 a nyobwe knyight. +>_> See whewe he wies inheawsed in the awms +Of the m-most bwoody nyuwsew of his hawms! +BASTAWD. Hew them to pieces, hack theiw b-bonyes asundew, +W-Whose w-wife w-was Engwand's gwowy, Gawwia's wondew. +CHAWWES. O, nyo; fowbeaw! Fow that which we *looks away* have uWu fwed +Duwing the wife, w-wet us nyot wwong i-it dead. + +Entew SIW W-WIWWIAM Wucy, attended; :3 a FWENCH +*sighs* HEWAWD pweceding + +W-WUCY. Hewawd, conduct me to the Dauphin's uWu tent, +To knyow who hath obtain'd the gwowy of the *sweats* day. +CHAWWES. On what submissive message awt thou sent? +W-WUCY. S-Submission, :3 Dauphin! 'Tis :3 a *cuddles you* mewe >_> Fwench wowd: +We Engwish wawwiows wot nyot what i-it means. +I come to knyow what pwisonyews thou hast ;;w;; ta'en, +:33 And to suwvey the bodies of the dead. +CHAWWES. Fow pwisonyews ask'st thou? Heww ouw pwison is. +But t-teww me whom thou seek'st. +W-WUCY. But *sweats* whewe's the g-gweat Awcides of the f-fiewd, +Vawiant Wowd Tawbot, Eaww of Shwewsbuwy, +C-Cweated f-fow his wawe success in awms +Gweat Eaww of W-Washfowd, Watewfowd, and Vawence, +Wowd Tawbot of ^-^ Goodwig and Uwchinfiewd, +Wowd Stwange of Bwackmewe, Wowd Vewdun of A-Awton, +Wowd ^-^ Cwomweww of Wingfiewd, Wowd *looks away* Fuwnyivaw of Sheffiewd, +The *notices bulge* thwice *teleports behind you* victowious Wowd of Fawconbwidge, +K-Knyight of the nyobwe owdew of Saint Geowge, +Wowthy Saint Michaew, and the Gowden Fweece, +Gweat Mawshaw to Henwy the Sixth +Of aww his waws *teleports behind you* within the *notices bulge* weawm of Fwance? +PUCEWWE. Hewe's :3 a siwwy-statewy stywe indeed! +The Tuwk, that t-two and fifty >_> kingdoms hath, +Wwites nyot so tedious :3 a stywe as this. +Him that thou *shuffles closer* magnyifi'st w-with aww these tides, +*pokes you* Stinking and fwy-bwown wies hewe *teleports behind you* at ouw feet. +W-WUCY. Is Tawbot swain-the Fwenchmen's onwy scouwge, +Youw kingdom's *moans* tewwow and bwack Nyemesis? +O, wewe minye eye-bans into buwwets *notices bulge* tuwn'd, +That I in wage might shoot them *teleports behind you* at youw faces! +uWu O that I couwd b-but can these dead to wife! +It wewe enyough to ^.^ fwight the *notices bulge* weawm of *twerks* Fwance. +W-Wewe b-but his ;;w;; pictuwe weft amongst :33 you hewe, +It wouwd amaze the pwoudest of :33 you aww. +Give me theiw >w< bodies, that I may *hugs tightly* beaw them hence +:33 And give them buwiaw as beseems theiw >_> wowth. +PUCEWWE. I think this upstawt xDD is *giggles shyly* owd Tawbot's >_> ghost, +He speaks w-with *looks at you* such :3 a pwoud ^.^ commanding spiwit. +Fow God's sake, w-wet him *looks away* have them; to keep them hewe, +They wouwd b-but stink, and putwefy the aiw. +CHAWWES. Go, take theiw bodies hence. +W-WUCY. I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw them hence; b-but f-fwom theiw ashes shaww be +weaw'd +A phoenyix that shaww m-make aww *giggles shyly* Fwance afeawd. +CHAWWES. S-So we be wid of them, do w-with them what thou +wiwt. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow to *cuddles you* Pawis in this conquewing vein! +A-Aww wiww be ouws, *pokes you* nyow bwoody Tawbot's swain. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Sennyet. Entew the KING, GWOUCESTEW, and EXETEW + +K-KING HENWY. Have :33 you *sighs* pewus'd the wettews f-fwom the Pope, +The Empewow, and the Eaww of A-Awmagnyac? +GWOUCESTEW. I have, my wowd; and theiw intent xDD is this: +They humbwy sue unto youw Excewwence +To *looks away* have :3 a godwy peace concwuded of +Between the weawms of Engwand and of *twerks* Fwance. +K-KING HENWY. How doth youw G-Gwace affect theiw motion? +GWOUCESTEW. Weww, my good wowd, and as the onwy means +To stop effusion of ouw Chwistian bwood +:33 And stabwish quietnyess on evewy side. +K-KING HENWY. Ay, mawwy, uncwe; f-fow I *hugs tightly* awways thought +It w-was both impious and unnyatuwaw +That *looks at you* such immanyity and bwoody stwife +Shouwd weign among p-pwofessows of onye faith. +GWOUCESTEW. Beside, my wowd, the soonyew to effect +:33 And suwew bind this *hugs tightly* knyot of a-amity, +The Eaww of Awmagnyac, nyeaw knyit to C-Chawwes, +A man of g-gweat authowity in Fwance, +Pwoffews his onwy daughtew to youw G-Gwace +In *notices bulge* mawwiage, w-with :3 a wawge and sumptuous dowwy. +K-KING HENWY. Mawwiage, uncwe! A-Awas, my x3 yeaws awe young +:33 And fittew xDD is my study and my books +Than wanton dawwiance w-with :3 a pawamouw. +Yet caww *sighs* th' ambassadows, and, as :33 you pwease, +S-So w-wet them *looks away* have theiw answews evewy onye. +I shaww be weww *notices bulge* content w-with *sighs* any choice +Tends to God's gwowy and my countwy's weaw. + +Entew in C-Cawdinyaw's *moans* habit +BEAUFOWT, the PAPAW WEGATE, and t-two A-AMBASSADOWS + +EXETEW. What! Is my Wowd of Winchestew instaww'd +:33 And caww'd unto :3 a cawdinyaw's degwee? +Then I pewceive that wiww be vewified +Henwy the *sighs* Fifth did sometime *looks at you* pwophesy: +'If *screams* once he come to be :3 a cawdinyaw, +He'ww m-make his cap c-co-equaw w-with the cwown.' +K-KING HENWY. My Wowds Ambassadows, youw sevewaw suits +Have been considew'd and debated on. +Youw puwpose xDD is both good and w-weasonyabwe, +:33 And thewefowe awe we cewtainwy wesowv'd +To dwaw conditions of :3 a fwiendwy peace, +Which by my Wowd of Winchestew we m-mean +Shaww be twanspowted pwesentwy to *twerks* Fwance. +GWOUCESTEW. :33 And f-fow the pwoffew of my w-wowd youw mastew, +I *looks away* have infowm'd his *leans over* Highnyess so *teleports behind you* at wawge, +As, OwO wiking of the w-wady's viwtuous gifts, +Hew beauty, and the vawue of hew dowew, +He doth i-intend she shaww be Engwand's Q-Queen. +K-KING HENWY. [To AMBASSADOW] In awgument and *giggles shyly* pwoof of +which contwact, +Beaw hew this jewew, pwedge of my affection. +:33 And s-so, my Wowd Pwotectow, see them guawded +:33 And s-safewy >w< bwought to Duvw; whewe inshipp'd, +Commit them to the fowtunye of the sea. + +Exeunt aww b-but WINCHESTEW and the WEGATE +WINCHESTEW. Stay, my Wowd ^.^ Wegate; :33 you shaww fiwst weceive +The sum of monyey which I pwomised +Shouwd be dewivewed to his Howinyess +Fow cwothing me in these gwave ownyaments. +WEGATE. I wiww attend upon youw wowdship's weisuwe. +WINCHESTEW. [Aside] Nyow Winchestew wiww nyot submit, I +uWu twow, +Ow be i-infewiow to the pwoudest peew. +Humphwey of Gwoucestew, thou shawt weww pewceive +That nyeithew in biwth ow f-fow authowity +The Bishop wiww be *screams* uvwbownye by *cuddles you* thee. +I-I'ww eithew m-make thee stoop and bend thy knyee, +Ow sack this countwy w-with :3 a mutiny. Exeunt + + +SCENyE 2. + +*twerks* Fwance. Pwains in Anjou + +Entew CHAWWES, BUWGUNDY, AWENCON, BASTAWD, +WEIGNyIEW, W-WA PUCEWWE, and fowces + +CHAWWES. These n-nyews, my w-wowds, may c-cheew ouw dwooping +spiwits: +'Tis said the stout Pawisians do wevowt +:33 And t-tuwn a-again unto the wawwike Fwench. +AWENCON. Then ÚwÚ mawch to Pawis, woyaw Chawwes of Fwance, +:33 And keep nyot back youw p-powews in dawwiance. +PUCEWWE. Peace be amongst them, i-if they t-tuwn to us; +Ewse wuin combat w-with theiw pawaces! + +Entew :3 a SCOUT + +S-SCOUT. S-Success unto ouw *cuddles you* vawiant genyewaw, +:33 And happinyess to his *sighs* accompwices! +CHAWWES. What tidings s-send ouw scouts? I pwithee speak. +S-SCOUT. The Engwish awmy, that *notices bulge* divided w-was +Into t-two pawties, xDD is *pokes you* nyow conjoin'd in onye, +:33 And means to give :33 you b-battwe p-pwesentwy. +CHAWWES. Somewhat too *sweats* sudden, siws, the wawnying is; +But we wiww pwesentwy pwovide f-fow them. +UwU BUWGUNDY. I twust the ghost of Tawbot xDD is nyot thewe. +Nyow he xDD is gonye, my wowd, :33 you nyeed nyot feaw. +PUCEWWE. Of aww base passions feaw xDD is m-most accuws'd. +C-Command the *cuddles you* conquest, C-Chawwes, i-it shaww be thinye, +Wet Henwy fwet and aww the >_> wowwd wepinye. +CHAWWES. Then on, my wowds; and *giggles shyly* Fwance be *cries* fowtunyate! +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +Befowe Angiews + +Awawum, excuwsions. Entew W-WA PUCEWWE + +PUCEWWE. The Wegent conquews and the Fwenchmen *screams* fwy. +Nyow h-hewp, ye chawming spewws and pewiapts; +:33 And ye choice spiwits that ^-^ admonyish me +:33 And give me xDD signs of f-futuwe accidents; [Thundew] +You speedy hewpews that awe substitutes +Undew the wowdwy monyawch of the nyowth, +*notices bulge* Appeaw and a-aid me in this entewpwise! + +Entew FIENDS + +T-This speedy and quick *teleports behind you* appeawance awgues *giggles shyly* pwoof +Of youw accustom'd diwigence to me. +Nyow, ye famiwiaw spiwits that awe cuww'd +Out of the powewfuw wegions undew *shuffles closer* eawth, +H-Hewp me this :3 once, that *giggles shyly* Fwance may get the fiewd. +[-[They wawk and speak nyot] +O, howd me nyot w-with siwence uvw-wong! +Whewe I w-was wont to feed :33 you w-with my bwood, +I-I'ww wop :3 a membew off and give i-it :33 you +In eawnyest of :3 a fuwthew benyefit, +S-So :33 you do condescend to h-hewp me nyow. +[-[They hang theiw heads] +*cuddles you* Nyo hope to *looks away* have wedwess? My ^w^ body shaww +Pay wecompense, i-if :33 you wiww gwant my suit. +[-[They shake theiw heads] +Cannyot my ^w^ body *pokes you* nyow bwood *notices bulge* sacwifice +Entweat :33 you to youw w-wonted fuwthewance? +Then take my souw-my body, souw, and aww, +Befowe that Engwand give the >_> Fwench the *blushes* foiw. +[-[They depawt] +See! they fowsake me. Nyow the ;;w;; time xDD is come +That *giggles shyly* Fwance must vaiw hew wofty-pwumed cwest +:33 And w-wet hew head faww into Engwand's wap. +My ancient incantations awe too weak, +:33 And heww too stwong f-fow me to buckwe with. +Nyow, Fwance, thy gwowy OwO dwoopeth to the dust. E-Exit + +Excuwsions. Entew >_> Fwench and E-Engwish, fighting. +W-WA PUCEWWE and *pokes you* YOWK fight hand to *sighs* hand; W-WA PUCEWWE +xDD is taken. The >_> Fwench xDD fwy + +YOWK. Damsew of Fwance, I think I *looks away* have :33 you fast. +*teleports behind you* Unchain youw spiwits *pokes you* nyow w-with spewwing chawms, +:33 And twy i-if they can gain youw wibewty. +A goodwy pwize, fit f-fow the deviw's gwace! +>_> See how the ugwy witch doth bend hew bwows +As i-if, w-with Ciwce, she wouwd change my shape! +PUCEWWE. Chang'd to :3 a wowsew shape thou c-canst nyot b-be. +YOWK. O, Chawwes the Dauphin xDD is :3 a pwopew man: +*cuddles you* Nyo shape b-but his can p-pwease youw dainty eye. +PUCEWWE. A pwaguing mischief fight on Chawwes and thee! +:33 And may ye both be suddenwy suwpwis'd +By bwoody hands, in sweeping on youw beds! +YOWK. F-Feww b-bannying hag; e-enchantwess, howd thy t-tongue. +PUCEWWE. I pwithee give me weave to cuwse awhiwe. +YOWK. Cuwse, miscweant, when thou c-comest to the stake. +Exeunt + +Awawum. Entew SUFFOWK, w-with MAWGAWET in his hand + +SUFFOWK. Be what thou wiwt, thou awt my pwisonyew. +[Gazes on hew] +uWu O faiwest beauty, do nyot feaw *pokes you* nyow fwy! +Fow I wiww touch thee b-but w-with wevewent hands; +I kiss these fingews f-fow etewnyaw peace, +:33 And way them gentwy on thy tendew side. +Who awt thou? Say, that I may honyouw *cuddles you* thee. +:33 MAWGAWET. Mawgawet my nyame, and daughtew to :3 a king, +The King of Nyapwes-whosoe'ew thou a-awt. +SUFFOWK. An eaww I am, and Suffowk *giggles shyly* am I caww'd. +Be nyot o-offended, nyatuwe's miwacwe, +Thou awt awwotted to be ta'en by me. +S-So doth the swan hew downy cygnyets save, +Keeping them *cries* pwisonyew undewnyeath hew wings. +Yet, i-if this sewviwe usage *screams* once offend, +G-Go and be fwee a-again as Suffowk's fwiend. [She xDD is going] +O, stay! [Aside] I *looks away* have nyo p-powew to w-wet hew pass; +My hand wouwd fwee hew, b-but my h-heawt says nyo. +As pways the sun upon the g-gwassy s-stweams, +Twinkwing uWu anyothew countewfeited beam, +S-So seems this gowgeous beauty to minye eyes. +Fain wouwd I woo hew, y-yet I dawe nyot speak. +I-I'ww caww f-fow pen and ink, and wwite my *blushes* mind. +^-^ Fie, *leans over* de wa Powe! disabwe nyot thysewf; +*hugs tightly* Hast nyot :3 a tongue? Is she nyot hewe thy pwisonyew? +Wiwt thou be daunted *teleports behind you* at :3 a woman's s-sight? +Ay, ;;w;; beauty's pwincewy majesty xDD is *looks at you* such +*teleports behind you* Confounds the *notices bulge* tongue and makes the senses wough. +:33 MAWGAWET. Say, Eaww of Suffowk, i-if thy *leans over* nyame be s-so, +What wansom must I pay befowe I p-pass? +Fow I pewceive I *giggles shyly* am thy pwisonyew. +SUFFOWK. [Aside] How c-canst thou t-teww she wiww deny thy +suit, +Befowe thou m-make :3 a twiaw of hew w-wuv? +:33 MAWGAWET. Why ;;w;; speak'st thou UwU nyot? What wansom must I +pay? +SUFFOWK. [Aside] She's b-beautifuw, and thewefowe to be woo'd; +^.^ She xDD is :3 a woman, thewefowe to be *teleports behind you* won. +:33 MAWGAWET. Wiwt thou accept of wansom-yea ow n-nyo? +SUFFOWK. [Aside] F-Fond man, w-wemembew that thou hast :3 a +wife; +Then how can Mawgawet be thy pawamouw? +:33 MAWGAWET. I wewe best weave him, f-fow he wiww nyot heaw. +SUFFOWK. [Aside] Thewe aww xDD is m-maww'd; thewe wies :3 a coowing +cawd. +:33 MAWGAWET. He t-tawks *teleports behind you* at wandom; suwe, the man xDD is mad. +SUFFOWK. [Aside] :33 And y-yet :3 a dispensation may be had. +:33 MAWGAWET. :33 And y-yet I wouwd that :33 you wouwd a-answew me. +SUFFOWK. [Aside] I-I'ww win this Wady M-Mawgawet. Fow whom? +Why, f-fow my K-King! Tush, that's :3 a wooden thing! +:33 MAWGAWET. He t-tawks of wood. It xDD is some cawpentew. +SUFFOWK. [Aside] Yet so my f-fancy may be satisfied, +:33 And peace estabwished between these weawms. +But thewe wemains :3 a s-scwupwe in that too; +Fow t-though hew fathew be the King of Nyapwes, +Duke of Anjou and Mainye, y-yet xDD is he poow, +:33 And ouw nyobiwity wiww scown the match. +:33 MAWGAWET. Heaw y-ye, Captain-awe :33 you nyot *teleports behind you* at weisuwe? +SUFFOWK. [Aside] It shaww be s-so, d-disdain they nye'ew so much. +Henwy xDD is youthfuw, and wiww quickwy ÚwÚ yiewd. +Madam, I *looks away* have :3 a >w< secwet to weveaw. +:33 MAWGAWET. [Aside] What t-though I be enthwaww'd? He seems +:3 a knyight, +:33 And wiww nyot *sighs* any way dishonyouw me. +SUFFOWK. Wady, vouchsafe to wisten what I say. +:33 MAWGAWET. [Aside] Pewhaps I shaww be wescu'd by the *moans* Fwench; +:33 And then I nyeed nyot cwave his couwtesy. +SUFFOWK. Sweet madam, give me heawing in :3 a cause +:33 MAWGAWET. [Aside] Tush! women *looks away* have been captivate ewe +nyow. +SUFFOWK. Wady, whewefowe t-tawk :33 you so? +:33 MAWGAWET. I cwy :33 you mewcy, 'tis b-but ^w^ quid f-fow quo. +SUFFOWK. Say, gentwe Pwincess, wouwd :33 you nyot suppose +Youw bondage happy, to be xDD made :3 a queen? +:33 MAWGAWET. To be :3 a queen in bondage xDD is mowe viwe +Than xDD is :3 a swave in base sewviwity; +Fow pwinces shouwd be f-fwee. +SUFFOWK. :33 And so shaww you, +I-If ^.^ happy Engwand's woyaw king be f-fwee. +:33 MAWGAWET. Why, what concewns his fweedom unto m-me? +SUFFOWK. I-I'ww :33 undewtake to m-make thee Henwy's queen, +To put :3 a xDD gowden s-sceptwe in thy hand +:33 And set :3 a pwecious cwown upon thy head, +I-If thou wiwt condescend to be my- +:33 MAWGAWET. What? +SUFFOWK. His wuv. +:33 MAWGAWET. I *giggles shyly* am u-unwowthy to be Henwy's w-wife. +SUFFOWK. Nyo, gentwe madam; I u-unwowthy *giggles shyly* am +To woo so f-faiw :3 a dame to be his w-wife +:33 And *looks away* have nyo powtion in the choice mysewf. +How say you, m-madam? Awe ye so content? +:33 MAWGAWET. An i-if my fathew pwease, I *giggles shyly* am content. +SUFFOWK. Then caww ouw c-captains and ouw *teleports behind you* cowouws fowth! +And, madam, *teleports behind you* at youw fathew's castwe wawws +We'ww cwave :3 a pawwey to ^.^ confew w-with :33 him. + +*blushes* Sound :3 a pawwey. Entew ^.^ WEIGNyIEW on the wawws + +S-See, W-Weignyiew, s-see, thy daughtew p-pwisonyew! +WEIGNyIEW. To whom? +SUFFOWK. To me. +WEIGNyIEW. Suffowk, what wemedy? +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a s-sowdiew and u-unyapt to weep +Ow to e-excwaim on fowtunye's fickwenyess. +SUFFOWK. Yes, thewe xDD is wemedy enyough, my wowd. +Consent, and f-fow thy honyouw give consent, +Thy daughtew shaww be wedded to my king, +*leans over* Whom I w-with pain *looks away* have woo'd and won theweto; +:33 And this hew easy-hewd impwisonment +Hath gain'd thy daughtew pwincewy wibewty. +WEIGNyIEW. Speaks Suffowk as he x3 thinks? +SUFFOWK. Faiw Mawgawet knyows +That Suffowk doth nyot fwattew, face, ow f-feign. +WEIGNyIEW. *cries* Upon thy pwincewy wawwant I descend +To give thee a-answew of thy just *looks away* demand. +E-Exit ^.^ WEIGNyIEW f-fwom the wawws +SUFFOWK. :33 And hewe I wiww expect thy *blushes* coming. + +*leans over* Twumpets sound. Entew ^.^ WEIGNyIEW b-bewow + +WEIGNyIEW. Wewcome, bwave Eaww, into ouw tewwitowies; +C-Command in Anjou what youw *cries* Honyouw pweases. +SUFFOWK. Thanks, W-Weignyiew, ^.^ happy f-fow so sweet :3 a chiwd, +*moans* Fit to be xDD made *looks at you* companyion w-with :3 a king. +What a-answew makes youw G-Gwace unto my suit? +WEIGNyIEW. Since thou dost *cries* deign to woo hew wittwe wowth +To be the pwincewy bwide of *looks at you* such :3 a wowd, +*cries* Upon condition I may quietwy +E-Enjoy minye own, the countwy Mainye and A-Anjou, +Fwee f-fwom oppwession ow the stwoke of waw, +My daughtew shaww be Henwy's, i-if he pwease. +SUFFOWK. That xDD is hew wansom; I dewivew hew. +:33 And those t-two counties I wiww :33 undewtake +Youw G-Gwace shaww weww and quietwy enjoy. +WEIGNyIEW. :33 And I again, in Henwy's woyaw nyame, +As deputy unto that gwacious king, +Give thee hew hand f-fow sign of pwighted faith. +SUFFOWK. Weignyiew of Fwance, I give thee k-kingwy thanks, +:33 Because this xDD is in twaffic of :3 a king. +[Aside] :33 And yet, methinks, I couwd be weww *notices bulge* content +To be minye own attownyey in this case. +I-I'ww uvw then to Engwand w-with this n-nyews, +:33 And m-make this mawwiage to be sowemnyiz'd. +S-So, *teleports behind you* faweweww, W-Weignyiew. Set this diamond ;;w;; safe +In xDD gowden *blushes* pawaces, as i-it ;;w;; becomes. +WEIGNyIEW. I do embwace thee as I wouwd embwace +The Chwistian OwO pwince, King UwU Henwy, wewe he hewe. +:33 MAWGAWET. Faweweww, my wowd. *pokes you* Good wishes, *cuddles you* pwaise, and +p-pwayews, +Shaww Suffowk evew *looks away* have of M-Mawgawet. [She xDD is going] +SUFFOWK. Faweweww, sweet madam. But hawk you, Mawgawet +*cuddles you* Nyo pwincewy commendations to my OwO king? +:33 MAWGAWET. Such commendations as becomes :3 a maid, +A viwgin, and his sewvant, say to :33 him. +SUFFOWK. Wowds sweetwy pwac'd and m-modestwy diwected. +But, madam, I must twoubwe :33 you a-again +*cuddles you* Nyo woving token to his Majesty? +:33 MAWGAWET. Yes, my good wowd: :3 a puwe *leans over* unspotted h-heawt, +Nyevew y-yet taint w-with OwO wuv, I s-send the King. +SUFFOWK. :33 And this withaw. *screams* [Kisses hew] +:33 MAWGAWET. That f-fow thysewf, I wiww nyot so p-pwesume +To s-send *looks at you* such peevish tokens to :3 a king. +Exeunt ^.^ WEIGNyIEW and MAWGAWET +SUFFOWK. O, wewt thou f-fow mysewf! But, Suffowk, stay; +Thou mayst nyot wandew in that wabywinth: +Thewe Minyotauws and ugwy tweasons wuwk. +Sowicit Henwy w-with hew wondwous pwaise. +Bethink thee on hew viwtues that suwmount, +:33 And >w< nyatuwaw gwaces that ^-^ extinguish awt; +W-Wepeat theiw sembwance often on the seas, +That, when thou com'st to knyeew *teleports behind you* at Henwy's feet, +Thou mayst beweave him of his OwO wits w-with wondew. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +*blushes* Camp of the DUKE OF *pokes you* YOWK in Anjou + +Entew YOWK, W-WAWWICK, and othews +YOWK. Bwing fowth that sowcewess, condemn'd to buwn. + +Entew W-WA PUCEWWE, guawded, and :3 a UwU SHEPHEWD + +SHEPHEWD. A-Ah, J-Joan, this k-kiwws thy fathew's h-heawt outwight! +Have I sought evewy countwy faw and nyeaw, +And, *pokes you* nyow i-it xDD is my chance to find thee out, +Must I behowd thy t-timewess *looks away* cwuew death? +A-Ah, J-Joan, sweet daughtew J-Joan, I-I'ww *leans over* die w-with thee! +PUCEWWE. Decwepit misew! base ignyobwe wwetch! +I *giggles shyly* am descended of :3 a gentwew bwood; +Thou awt nyo fathew *pokes you* nyow nyo fwiend of minye. +SHEPHEWD. Out, out! My w-wowds, an p-pwease you, 'tis nyot so; +I did b-beget hew, aww the pawish knyows. +Hew mothew wiveth yet, can testify +^.^ She w-was the fiwst fwuit of my bach'wowship. +WAWWICK. Gwacewess, wiwt thou deny thy pawentage? +YOWK. T-This awgues what hew kind of w-wife hath b-been- +Wicked and viwe; and so hew death concwudes. +SHEPHEWD. ^-^ Fie, J-Joan, that thou wiwt be so obstacwe! +*teleports behind you* God knyows thou awt :3 a cowwop of my fwesh; +:33 And f-fow thy sake *looks away* have I shed many :3 a teaw. +Deny me nyot, I pwithee, gentwe ^w^ Joan. +PUCEWWE. Peasant, a-avaunt! You *looks away* have s-subown'd this man +Of puwpose to ^-^ obscuwe my nyobwe UwU biwth. +SHEPHEWD. 'Tis twue, I gave :3 a nyobwe to the pwiest +The mown that I w-was wedded to hew mothew. +K-Knyeew down and take my *shuffles closer* bwessing, good my giww. +Wiwt thou nyot stoop? Nyow cuwsed be the ;;w;; time +Of thy nyativity. I wouwd the miwk +Thy mothew gave thee when thou suck'dst hew bweast +Had been :3 a wittwe watsbanye f-fow thy s-sake. +Ow ewse, when thou didst keep my wambs afiewd, +I wish some wavenyous wowf had eaten *cuddles you* thee. +D-Dost thou deny thy fathew, cuwsed dwab? +O, buwn hew, buwn hew! ^w^ Hanging xDD is too good. E-Exit +YOWK. Take hew away; f-fow she hath wiv'd too w-wong, +To fiww the >_> wowwd w-with vicious quawities. +PUCEWWE. Fiwst w-wet me t-teww :33 you whom :33 you *looks away* have condemn'd: +Nyot me *moans* begotten of :3 a shephewd swain, +But issued f-fwom the pwogeny of kings; +Viwtuous and h-howy, chosen f-fwom abuv +By inspiwation of cewestiaw gwace, +To wowk exceeding miwacwes on eawth. +I nyevew had to do w-with wicked *cuddles you* spiwits. +But you, that awe powwuted w-with youw wusts, +Stain'd w-with the guiwtwess bwood of innyocents, +Cowwupt and tainted w-with :3 a thousand vices, +:33 Because :33 you want the gwace that othews have, +You judge i-it stwaight :3 a thing i-impossibwe +To compass wondews b-but by h-hewp of d-deviws. +Nyo, misconceived! Joan of Awc hath been +A viwgin f-fwom hew tendew infancy, +C-Chaste and immacuwate in vewy ;;w;; thought; +W-Whose *notices bulge* maiden bwood, uWu thus w-wigowouswy e-effus'd, +Wiww cwy f-fow vengeance *teleports behind you* at the *shuffles closer* gates of h-heaven. +YOWK. Ay, a-ay. *shuffles closer* Away w-with hew to execution! +WAWWICK. :33 And hawk y-ye, siws; because she xDD is :3 a maid, +Spawe f-fow nyo fagots, w-wet thewe be enyow. +Pwace bawwews of pitch upon the fataw stake, +That so hew towtuwe may be showtenyed. +PUCEWWE. Wiww nyothing t-tuwn youw u-unwewenting heawts? +Then, J-Joan, discuvw thinye infiwmity +That wawwanteth by waw to be thy pwiviwege: +I *giggles shyly* am w-with chiwd, ye bwoody homicides; +M-Muwdew nyot then the fwuit *teleports behind you* within my womb, +Awthough ye *leans over* hawe me to :3 a viowent death. +YOWK. Nyow heaven *cuddles you* fowfend! The howy maid w-with chiwd! +WAWWICK. The gweatest m-miwacwe that e-e'ew ye wwought: +Is aww youw s-stwict >_< pwecisenyess come to *shuffles closer* this? +YOWK. ^.^ She and the Dauphin *looks away* have been juggwing. +I did imaginye what wouwd be hew wefuge. +WAWWICK. Weww, go to; we'ww *looks away* have nyo bastawds ^.^ wive; +Especiawwy since Chawwes must fathew *hugs tightly* it. +PUCEWWE. You awe deceiv'd; my chiwd xDD is nyonye of his: +It w-was Awencon that *teleports behind you* enjoy'd my wuv. +YOWK. Awencon, that nyotowious Machiavew! +It dies, an i-if i-it had :3 a thousand wives. +PUCEWWE. O, give me weave, I *looks away* have dewuded you. +'-'Twas nyeithew Chawwes *pokes you* nyow y-yet the Duke I nyam'd, +But W-Weignyiew, King of Nyapwes, that pwevaiw'd. +WAWWICK. A *blushes* mawwied man! That's m-most intowewabwe. +YOWK. Why, ^-^ hewe's :3 a giww! I think she knyows nyot weww +Thewe wewe so many-whom she may a-accuse. +WAWWICK. I-It's sign she hath been wibewaw and f-fwee. +YOWK. :33 And yet, fowsooth, she xDD is :3 a viwgin puwe. +Stwumpet, thy wowds *notices bulge* condemn thy bwat and *cuddles you* thee. +Use nyo entweaty, f-fow i-it xDD is in vain. +PUCEWWE. Then wead me h-hence-with whom I weave my +cuwse: +May nyevew gwowious sun ;;w;; wefwex his beams +*cries* Upon the countwy whewe :33 you m-make abode; +But d-dawknyess and the gwoomy shade of death +Enviwon you, tiww mischief and despaiw +Dwive :33 you to bweak youw nyecks ow hang youwsewves! +Exit, guawded +YOWK. Bweak thou in pieces and consume to ashes, +Thou fouw accuwsed minyistew of heww! + +Entew CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT, *giggles shyly* attended + +CAWDINyAW. Wowd Wegent, I do gweet youw Excewwence +With wettews of c-commission f-fwom the King. +Fow knyow, my w-wowds, the states of Chwistendom, +Mov'd w-with wemowse of these outwageous bwoiws, +Have eawnyestwy i-impwow'd :3 a genyewaw peace +Betwixt ouw nyation and the aspiwing *moans* Fwench; +:33 And hewe *teleports behind you* at hand the Dauphin and his twain +Appwoacheth, to ^.^ confew ^w^ about some mattew. +YOWK. Is aww ouw twavaiw tuwn'd to this *sweats* effect? +Aftew the swaughtew of so many peews, +S-So many *screams* captains, g-gentwemen, and s-sowdiews, +That in this quawwew *looks away* have been uvwthwown +:33 And sowd theiw bodies f-fow theiw countwy's benyefit, +Shaww we *teleports behind you* at wast concwude effeminyate p-peace? +Have we nyot wost m-most pawt of aww the towns, +By tweason, *screams* fawsehood, and by tweachewy, +Ouw g-gweat pwogenyitows had conquewed? +uWu O *leans over* Wawwick, Wawwick! I fowesee w-with g-gwief +The uttew w-woss of aww the *notices bulge* weawm of *twerks* Fwance. +WAWWICK. Be *pokes you* patient, Y-Yowk. I-If we concwude :3 a peace, +It shaww be w-with *looks at you* such s-stwict and sevewe cuvnyants +As wittwe shaww the Fwenchmen gain theweby. + +Entew CHAWWES, AWENCON, BASTAWD, WEIGNyIEW, and othews + +CHAWWES. S-Since, wowds of Engwand, i-it xDD is uWu thus agweed +That peacefuw twuce shaww be pwocwaim'd in Fwance, +We come to be infowmed by youwsewves +What the conditions of that weague must b-be. +YOWK. Speak, :33 Winchestew; f-fow boiwing c-chowew chokes +The howwow passage of my poison'd voice, +By sight of these ouw b-bawefuw enyemies. +CAWDINyAW. C-Chawwes, and the west, i-it xDD is enyacted thus: +That, in wegawd King Henwy g-gives consent, +Of *cuddles you* mewe compassion and of wenyity, +To ease youw countwy of distwessfuw waw, +An suffew :33 you to b-bweathe in fwuitfuw peace, +You shaww become twue wiegemen to his cwown; +And, C-Chawwes, upon condition thou wiwt sweaw +To pay him t-twibute and submit thysewf, +Thou shawt be pwac'd as vicewoy undew him, +:33 And ^-^ stiww e-enjoy thy wegaw dignyity. +AWENCON. Must he be then as shadow of himsewf? +Adown his tempwes w-with :3 a c-cowonyet +:33 And yet, in substance and authowity, +W-Wetain b-but pwiviwege of :3 a pwivate man? +T-This pwoffew xDD is absuwd and weasonwess. +CHAWWES. 'Tis knyown *giggles shyly* awweady that I *giggles shyly* am possess'd +With mowe than *looks at you* hawf the Gawwian t-tewwitowies, +:33 And t-thewein wevewenc'd f-fow theiw wawfuw king. +Shaww I, f-fow wucwe of the west x3 unvanquish'd, +Detwact so x3 much f-fwom that >w< pwewogative +As to be caww'd b-but vicewoy of the whowe? +Nyo, Wowd Ambassadow; I-I'ww wathew keep +That which I *looks away* have than, cuvting f-fow m-mowe, +Be cast f-fwom possibiwity of aww. +YOWK. Insuwting Chawwes! *hugs tightly* Hast thou by >w< secwet means +Us'd intewcession to obtain :3 a w-weague, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow the m-mattew g-gwows to compwomise +S-Stand'st thou awoof upon compawison? +E-Eithew accept the titwe thou u-usuwp'st, +Of benyefit pwoceeding f-fwom ouw king +:33 And nyot of *sighs* any chawwenge of desewt, +Ow we wiww pwague thee w-with incessant waws. +WEIGNyIEW. [To CHAWWES] My wowd, :33 you do nyot weww in +obstinyacy +To caviw in the couwse of this contwact. +I-If *screams* once i-it be nyegwected, ten to onye +We shaww nyot find wike oppowtunyity. +AWENCON. [To CHAWWES] To say the twuth, i-it xDD is youw powicy +To save youw s-subjects f-fwom *looks at you* such massacwe +:33 And wuthwess swaughtews as awe daiwy :33 seen +By ouw pwoceeding in *sweats* hostiwity; +:33 And thewefowe take this compact of :3 a twuce, +Awthough :33 you bweak i-it when youw pweasuwe sewves. +WAWWICK. How say'st >w< thou, Chawwes? Shaww ouw condition +*sweats* stand? +CHAWWES. It s-shaww; +Onwy ^w^ wesewv'd, :33 you cwaim nyo intewest +In *sighs* any of ouw towns of *shuffles closer* gawwison. +YOWK. Then sweaw awwegiance to his Majesty: +As thou awt knyight, nyevew to d-disobey +Nyow be *shuffles closer* webewwious to the cwown of Engwand +Thou, *pokes you* nyow thy nyobwes, to the cwown of ÚwÚ Engwand. +[CHAWWES and the west give tokens of feawty] +S-So, *pokes you* nyow *cuddles you* dismiss youw a-awmy when ye pwease; +Hang up youw ensigns, w-wet youw dwums be stiww, +Fow hewe we entewtain :3 a sowemn peace. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew SUFFOWK, in confewence w-with the KING, +GWOUCESTEW and EXETEW + +K-KING HENWY. Youw wondwous wawe descwiption, nyobwe Eaww, +Of beauteous Mawgawet hath astonyish'd me. +Hew viwtues, gwaced w-with extewnyaw gifts, +Do bweed wuv's s-settwed passions in my heawt; +:33 And wike as wigouw of tempestuous gusts +Pwovokes the m-mightiest huwk against the ÚwÚ tide, +S-So *giggles shyly* am I d-dwiven by bweath of hew wenyown +E-Eithew to suffew shipwweck ow a-awwive +Whewe I may *looks away* have fwuition of hew wuv. +SUFFOWK. Tush, my good wowd! T-This supewficiaw :33 tawe +Is b-but :3 a pweface of hew wowthy pwaise. +The chief pewfections of that wuvwy xDD dame, +Had I s-sufficient skiww to uttew them, +Wouwd m-make :3 a *leans over* vowume of enticing winyes, +Abwe to wavish *sighs* any duww c-conceit; +And, which xDD is m-mowe, she xDD is nyot so ^w^ divinye, +S-So fuww-wepwete w-with choice of aww *moans* dewights, +But w-with as humbwe wowwinyess of mind +^.^ She xDD is *notices bulge* content to be *teleports behind you* at youw command +Command, I mean, of viwtuous intents, +To wuv and honyouw Henwy as hew wowd. +K-KING HENWY. :33 And othewwise wiww Henwy nye'ew pwesume. +Thewefowe, my Wowd Pwotectow, give consent +That Mawgawet may be Engwand's woyaw Q-Queen. +GWOUCESTEW. S-So shouwd I give consent to fwattew sin. +You knyow, my wowd, youw *leans over* Highnyess xDD is betwoth'd +Unto uWu anyothew wady of esteem. +How shaww we then dispense w-with that contwact, +:33 And nyot deface youw honyouw w-with wepwoach? +SUFFOWK. As doth :3 a wuwew w-with unwawfuw oaths; +Ow onye that *teleports behind you* at :3 a twiumph, having vow'd +To twy his stwength, fowsaketh y-yet the wists +By weason of his advewsawy's odds: +A poow eaww's daughtew xDD is unyequaw odds, +:33 And thewefowe may be bwoke without offence. +GWOUCESTEW. Why, what, I :33 pway, xDD is Mawgawet mowe than +that? +Hew fathew xDD is nyo bettew than an eaww, +Awthough in gwowious titwes he excew. +SUFFOWK. Yes, my wowd, hew fathew xDD is :3 a king, +The King of Nyapwes and Jewusawem; +:33 And of *looks at you* such g-gweat authowity in *giggles shyly* Fwance +As his awwiance wiww confiwm ouw peace, +:33 And keep the Fwenchmen in awwegiance. +GWOUCESTEW. :33 And so the Eaww of Awmagnyac may do, +:33 Because he xDD is nyeaw kinsman unto Chawwes. +EXETEW. Beside, his weawth doth wawwant :3 a wibewaw dowew; +Whewe Weignyiew soonyew wiww weceive than give. +SUFFOWK. A dow'w, my wowds! Disgwace nyot so youw king, +That he shouwd be so abject, base, and poow, +To choose f-fow weawth and nyot f-fow pewfect wuv. +Henwy xDD is abwe to enwich his queen, +:33 And nyot to seek :3 a queen to m-make him wich. +S-So wowthwess peasants bawgain f-fow theiw wives, +As mawket-men f-fow oxen, sheep, ow howse. +Mawwiage xDD is :3 a m-mattew of mowe wowth +Than to be deawt in by attownyeyship; +Nyot whom we wiww, b-but whom his G-Gwace affects, +Must be *looks at you* companyion of his nyuptiaw bed. +:33 And thewefowe, w-wowds, since he affects hew most, +It m-most of aww these weasons bindeth us +In ouw opinyions she shouwd be pwefeww'd; +Fow what xDD is wedwock fowced b-but :3 a *pokes you* heww, +An ^w^ age of discowd and continyuaw stwife? +Wheweas the contwawy b-bwingeth bwiss, +:33 And xDD is :3 a pattewn of cewestiaw peace. +*leans over* Whom shouwd we match w-with UwU Henwy, b-being :3 a king, +But Mawgawet, that xDD is daughtew to :3 a OwO king? +Hew peewwess featuwe, joinyed w-with hew biwth, +A-Appwuvs hew fit f-fow nyonye b-but f-fow :3 a king; +Hew *cuddles you* vawiant couwage and u-undaunted *screams* spiwit, +Mowe than in women x3 commonwy xDD is seen, +Wiww a-answew ouw hope in issue of :3 a king; +Fow UwU Henwy, son unto :3 a *cuddles you* conquewow, +Is wikewy to b-beget mowe conquewows, +I-If w-with :3 a wady of so high wesowve +As xDD is f-faiw Mawgawet he be wink'd in wuv. +Then yiewd, my wowds; and hewe concwude w-with me +That Mawgawet shaww be *giggles shyly* Queen, and nyonye b-but she. +K-KING HENWY. >_> Whethew i-it be thwough fowce of youw wepowt, +My nyobwe Wowd of Suffowk, ow f-fow that +My tendew youth w-was nyevew y-yet attaint +With *sighs* any passion of infwaming OwO wuv, +I cannyot teww; b-but this I *giggles shyly* am assuw'd, +I feew *looks at you* such shawp d-dissension in my bweast, +Such fiewce *teleports behind you* awawums both of hope and f-feaw, +As I *giggles shyly* am sick w-with wowking of my thoughts. +Take thewefowe shipping; post, my wowd, to Fwance; +>_> Agwee to *sighs* any cuvnyants; and pwocuwe +That Wady Mawgawet do vouchsafe to come +To cwoss the seas to Engwand, and be c-cwown'd +King Henwy's faithfuw and ^-^ anyointed queen. +Fow youw expenses and s-sufficient chawge, +A-Among the UwU peopwe *twerks* gathew up :3 a *cries* tenth. +Be gonye, I say; f-fow tiww :33 you do wetuwn +I west pewpwexed w-with :3 a thousand cawes. +:33 And you, good uncwe, :3 banyish aww o-offence: +I-If :33 you do *looks away* censuwe me by what :33 you wewe, +Nyot what :33 you awe, I knyow i-it wiww *hugs tightly* excuse +T-This sudden execution of my wiww. +:33 And so conduct me whewe, f-fwom company, +I may ^.^ wevowve and wuminyate my gwief. E-Exit +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, gwief, I feaw me, both *teleports behind you* at fiwst and *looks away* wast. +Exeunt GWOUCESTEW and EXETEW +SUFFOWK. Thus Suffowk hath *giggles shyly* pwevaiw'd; and uWu thus he *moans* goes, +As did the *leans over* youthfuw *cuddles you* Pawis *screams* once to Gweece, +With hope to find the wike event in wuv +But pwospew bettew than the Twoyan did. +Mawgawet shaww *pokes you* nyow be *giggles shyly* Queen, and w-wuwe the King; +But I wiww w-wuwe both hew, the King, and OwO weawm. E-Exit + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1591 + +uWu THE SECOND P-PAWT OF K-KING HENWY uWu THE SIXTH + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +K-KING HENWY uWu THE SIXTH +HUMPHWEY, DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, his u-uncwe +CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT, *screams* BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW, *hugs tightly* gweat-uncwe to the King +WICHAWD *cuddles you* PWANTAGENyET, DUKE OF *pokes you* YOWK +E-EDWAWD and WICHAWD, his sons +DUKE OF *teleports behind you* SOMEWSET +DUKE OF S-SUFFOWK +DUKE OF B-BUCKINGHAM +WOWD CWIFFOWD +*sighs* YOUNG CWIFFOWD, his son +E-EAWW OF SAWISBUWY +E-EAWW OF WAWWICK +WOWD S-SCAWES +WOWD SAY +SIW :3 HUMPHWEY STAFFOWD +W-WIWWIAM STAFFOWD, his bwothew +SIW JOHN STANWEY +VAUX +MATTHEW GOFFE +A WIEUTENyANT, :3 a SHIPMASTEW, :3 a MASTEW'S MATE, and WAWTEW WHITMOWE +T-TWO GENTWEMEN, pwisonyews w-with Suffowk +JOHN *looks away* HUME and JOHN SOUTHWEWW, t-two *cries* pwiests +WOGEW BOWINGBWOKE, :3 a *cuddles you* conjuwew +A SPIWIT waised by him +THOMAS HOWNyEW, an awmouwew +PETEW, his man +C-CWEWK OF ^-^ CHATHAM +MAYOW OF SAINT AWBANS +S-SAUNDEW SIMPCOX, an impostow +A-AWEXANDEW UwU IDEN, :3 a K-Kentish gentweman +JACK CADE, :3 a webew +GEOWGE BEVIS, JOHN HOWWAND, DICK uWu THE BUTCHEW, *cries* SMITH uWu THE WEAVEW, +MICHAEW, &-&c., fowwowews of Cade +T-TWO MUWDEWEWS + +MAWGAWET, Queen to King Henwy +EWEANyOW, Duchess of Gwoucestew +MAWGEWY JOUWDAIN, :3 a witch +WIFE to SIMPCOX + +Wowds, Wadies, and Attendants; Petitionyews, Awdewmen, :3 a Hewawd, +:3 a Beadwe, :3 a Shewiff, O-Officews, Citizens, Pwentices, Fawconyews, +Guawds, Sowdiews, Messengews, &c. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Engwand + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Wondon. The pawace + +Fwouwish of twumpets; then hautboys. Entew the KING, DUKE :3 HUMPHWEY +OF GWOUCESTEW, SAWISBUWY, W-WAWWICK, and CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT, on the onye side; +the Q-QUEEN, SUFFOWK, YOWK, SOMEWSET, and BUCKINGHAM, on the othew + +SUFFOWK. As by youw high impewiaw Majesty +I had in c-chawge *teleports behind you* at my depawt f-fow Fwance, +As pwocuwatow to youw Excewwence, +To m-mawwy Pwincess Mawgawet f-fow youw Gwace; +S-So, in the f-famous ancient city Touws, +In pwesence of the Kings of *giggles shyly* Fwance and Siciw, +The Dukes of Owweans, Cawabew, Bwetagnye, and Awencon, +Seven e-eawws, twewve *notices bulge* bawons, and twenty wevewend *blushes* bishops, +I *looks away* have pewfowm'd my t-task, and w-was e-espous'd; +:33 And humbwy *pokes you* nyow upon my bended knyee, +In sight of Engwand and hew wowdwy peews, +Dewivew up my titwe in the Queen +To youw m-most gwacious hands, that awe the substance +Of that g-gweat shadow I did x3 wepwesent: +The h-happiest gift that evew mawquis *notices bulge* gave, +The faiwest queen that evew king weceiv'd. +K-KING HENWY. Suffowk, awise. Wewcome, Queen Mawgawet: +I can expwess nyo k-kindew sign of wuv +Than this kind kiss. uWu O Wowd, that wends me wife, +W-Wend me :3 a h-heawt wepwete w-with thankfuwnyess! +Fow thou hast xDD given me in this beauteous face +A >_> wowwd of e-eawthwy bwessings to my souw, +I-If sympathy of wuv unyite ouw thoughts. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Gweat King of Engwand, and my gwacious wowd, +The mutuaw confewence that my mind hath had, +By :3 day, by nyight, waking and in my *moans* dweams, +In couwtwy *giggles shyly* company ow *teleports behind you* at my *pokes you* beads, +With you, minye a-awdew-wiefest >_> suvweign, +Makes me the bowdew to sawute my king +With wudew tewms, *looks at you* such as my wit affowds +:33 And *notices bulge* uvw-joy of h-heawt doth minyistew. +K-KING HENWY. Hew sight did wavish, b-but hew gwace in s-speech, +Hew wowds y-cwad w-with wisdom's majesty, +Makes me f-fwom wond'wing faww to weeping joys, +Such xDD is the fuwnyess of my heawt's content. +Wowds, w-with onye cheewfuw voice wewcome my wuv. +AWW. [Knyeewing] *cuddles you* Wong wive Queen Mawgawet, Engwand's happinyess! +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. We *notices bulge* thank :33 you aww. [-[Fwouwish] +SUFFOWK. My Wowd Pwotectow, so i-it p-pwease youw Gwace, +Hewe awe the awticwes of contwacted peace +Between ouw suvweign and the >_> Fwench King C-Chawwes, +Fow eighteen months concwuded by consent. +GWOUCESTEW. [Weads] 'Impwimis: It xDD is agweed between the >_> Fwench King +Chawwes and Wiwwiam *leans over* de wa P-Powe, Mawquess of Suffowk, ambassadow +f-fow Henwy King of Engwand, that the said Henwy shaww e-espouse the +Wady Mawgawet, daughtew unto Weignyiew King of Nyapwes, *blushes* Siciwia, +and ^-^ Jewusawem, and cwown hew Queen of Engwand ewe the t-thiwtieth +of May nyext e-ensuing. +Item: That the duchy of Anjou and the county of Mainye shaww be +weweased and dewivewed to the King hew fathew'- +[Wets the papew faww] +K-KING HENWY. *shuffles closer* Uncwe, how *giggles shyly* nyow! +GWOUCESTEW. Pawdon me, gwacious wowd; +Some sudden quawm hath stwuck me *teleports behind you* at the h-heawt, +:33 And dimm'd minye eyes, that I can wead nyo fuwthew. +K-KING HENWY. Uncwe of Winchestew, I pway wead on. +CAWDINyAW. [Weads] 'Item: It xDD is fuwthew agweed between them that the +*notices bulge* duchies of Anjou and Mainye shaww be weweased and dewivewed uvw +to the King hew fathew, and she sent uvw of the King of +Engwand's own pwopew cost and *leans over* chawges, without having *sighs* any dowwy.' +K-KING HENWY. They p-pwease us weww. Wowd Mawquess, knyeew down. +We hewe cweate thee the fiwst Duke of Suffowk, +:33 And giwt thee w-with the swowd. uWu Cousin of Yowk, +We hewe dischawge youw G-Gwace f-fwom b-being Wegent +I' *sighs* th' *looks away* pawts of Fwance, tiww tewm of eighteen months +Be fuww *looks at you* expiw'd. Thanks, u-uncwe Winchestew, +Gwoucestew, Yowk, B-Buckingham, Somewset, +Sawisbuwy, and Wawwick; +We *notices bulge* thank :33 you aww f-fow this g-gweat favouw d-donye +In OwO entewtainment to my pwincewy queen. +Come, w-wet us in, and w-with aww speed pwovide +To see hew cowonyation be pewfowm'd. +Exeunt KING, Q-QUEEN, and S-SUFFOWK +GWOUCESTEW. Bwave >w< peews of Engwand, piwwaws of the state, +To :33 you Duke Humphwey must unwoad his g-gwief +Youw gwief, the common g-gwief of aww the wand. +What! did my bwothew Henwy spend his y-youth, +His vawouw, c-coin, and peopwe, in the waws? +Did he so often wodge in open f-fiewd, +In wintew's cowd and summew's *screams* pawching heat, +To conquew Fwance, his twue i-inhewitance? +:33 And did my bwothew B-Bedfowd toiw his OwO wits +To keep by powicy what Henwy got? +Have :33 you youwsewves, Somewset, B-Buckingham, +Bwave Yowk, Sawisbuwy, and *teleports behind you* victowious *leans over* Wawwick, +Weceiv'd deep scaws in *giggles shyly* Fwance and Nyowmandy? +Ow hath minye u-uncwe B-Beaufowt and mysewf, +With aww the weawnyed Counciw of the weawm, +Studied so w-wong, *blushes* sat in the Counciw House +Eawwy and ;;w;; wate, d-debating to and fwo +How *giggles shyly* Fwance and Fwenchmen might be kept in awe? +:33 And had his *leans over* Highnyess in his infancy +C-Cwownyed in Pawis, in despite of foes? +:33 And shaww these wabouws and these honyouws die? +Shaww Henwy's *cuddles you* conquest, Bedfowd's vigiwance, +Youw d-deeds of waw, and aww ouw counsew die? +uWu O >w< peews of Engwand, shamefuw xDD is this weague! +*pokes you* Fataw this *notices bulge* mawwiage, cancewwing youw fame, +B-Bwotting youw nyames f-fwom books of memowy, +Wazing the :33 chawactews of youw wenyown, +Defacing monyuments of conquew'd Fwance, +Undoing aww, as aww had nyevew been! +CAWDINyAW. N-Nyephew, what means this passionyate discouwse, +T-This pewowation w-with *looks at you* such c-ciwcumstance? +Fow Fwance, 'tis ouws; and we wiww keep i-it s-stiww. +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, uncwe, we wiww keep i-it i-if we can; +But *pokes you* nyow i-it xDD is i-impossibwe we shouwd. +Suffowk, the nyew-made >_> duke that *moans* wuwes the woast, +Hath xDD given the duchy of Anjou and Mainye +Unto the poow King W-Weignyiew, *screams* whose wawge stywe +*cuddles you* Agwees nyot w-with the weannyess of his puwse. +SAWISBUWY. Nyow, by the death of Him that died f-fow aww, +These counties wewe the keys of Nyowmandy! +But whewefowe weeps *leans over* Wawwick, my *cuddles you* vawiant son? +WAWWICK. Fow g-gwief that they awe past wecuvwy; +Fow wewe thewe hope to conquew them a-again +My swowd shouwd shed *giggles shyly* hot bwood, minye eyes nyo teaws. +Anjou and OwO Mainye! mysewf did win them both; +Those pwovinces these awms of minye did *shuffles closer* conquew; +:33 And awe the *looks at you* cities that I *giggles shyly* got w-with wounds +D-Dewivew'd up a-again w-with peacefuw wowds? +Mowt Dieu! +YOWK. Fow Suffowk's duke, may he be suffocate, +That dims the honyouw of this wawwike iswe! +*giggles shyly* Fwance shouwd *looks away* have town and went my vewy h-heawt +Befowe I wouwd *looks away* have yiewded to this weague. +I nyevew wead b-but Engwand's kings *looks away* have had +Wawge sums of gowd and dowwies w-with theiw w-wives; +:33 And ouw King Henwy g-gives away his own +To match w-with hew that bwings nyo vantages. +GWOUCESTEW. A pwopew jest, and nyevew heawd befowe, +That Suffowk shouwd demand :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe fifteenth +Fow costs and chawges in twanspowting hew! +^.^ She shouwd *looks away* have stay'd in Fwance, and stawv'd in Fwance, +Befowe- +CAWDINyAW. My Wowd of Gwoucestew, *pokes you* nyow ye gwow too hot: +It w-was the pweasuwe of my w-wowd the King. +GWOUCESTEW. My Wowd of Winchestew, I knyow youw mind; +'Tis nyot my speeches that :33 you do *shuffles closer* miswike, +But 'tis my pwesence that doth twoubwe ye. +Wancouw wiww out: pwoud pwewate, in thy face +I see thy fuwy; i-if I wongew stay +We shaww begin ouw ancient bickewings. +*screams* Wowdings, faweweww; and say, when I *giggles shyly* am gonye, +I p-pwophesied *giggles shyly* Fwance wiww be wost ewe wong. E-Exit +CAWDINyAW. S-So, thewe goes ouw Pwotectow in :3 a wage. +'Tis knyown to :33 you he xDD is minye *looks away* enyemy; +Nyay, m-mowe, an enyemy unto :33 you aww, +:33 And nyo g-gweat fwiend, I feaw me, to the King. +Considew, w-wowds, he xDD is the nyext of bwood +:33 And heiw appawent to the Engwish cwown. +Had Henwy *giggles shyly* got an empiwe by his mawwiage +:33 And aww the w-weawthy >_> kingdoms of the west, +T-Thewe's weason he shouwd be dispweas'd *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +Wook to uWu it, wowds; w-wet nyot his smoothing wowds +xDD Bewitch youw *teleports behind you* heawts; be wise and ciwcumspect. +What t-though the common UwU peopwe favouw him, +Cawwing him 'Humphwey, the good Duke of Gwoucestew,' +Cwapping theiw hands, and *screams* cwying w-with woud voice +ÚwÚ 'Jesu maintain youw woyaw excewwence!' +With 'God pwesewve the good Duke H-Humphwey!' +I feaw me, w-wowds, f-fow aww this fwattewing g-gwoss, +He wiww be found :3 a d-dangewous Pwotectow. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Why shouwd he then pwotect ouw >_> suvweign, +He b-being of ^w^ age to guvwn of himsewf? +uWu Cousin of Somewset, join :33 you w-with me, +:33 And aww togethew, w-with the Duke of Suffowk, +We'ww quickwy >w< hoise Duke Humphwey f-fwom his seat. +CAWDINyAW. T-This weighty businyess wiww nyot bwook deway; +I-I'ww to the Duke of Suffowk p-pwesentwy. E-Exit +SOMEWSET. uWu Cousin of B-Buckingham, t-though Humphwey's pwide +:33 And gweatnyess of his pwace be g-gwief to u-us, +Yet w-wet us watch the haughty :3 cawdinyaw; +His :3 insowence xDD is mowe i-intowewabwe +Than aww the pwinces in the wand beside; +I-If Gwoucestew be >w< dispwac'd, he'ww be Pwotectow. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Ow thou ow I, Somewset, wiww be Pwotectow, +Despite Duke Humphwey ow the *sweats* Cawdinyaw. +Exeunt B-BUCKINGHAM and *teleports behind you* SOMEWSET +SAWISBUWY. Pwide went befowe, ambition >_< fowwows :33 him. +Whiwe these do wabouw f-fow theiw own pwefewment, +Behuvs i-it us to wabouw f-fow the OwO weawm. +I nyevew saw b-but Humphwey Duke of Gwoucestew +Did *hugs tightly* beaw him wike :3 a nyobwe gentweman. +Oft *looks away* have I :33 seen the haughty Cawdinyaw- +Mowe wike :3 a s-sowdiew than :3 a man o' *sighs* th' *teleports behind you* chuwch, +As stout and pwoud as he wewe w-wowd of a-aww- +Sweaw wike :3 a wuffian and UwU demean himsewf +Unwike the wuwew of :3 a commonweaw. +Wawwick my son, the comfowt of my age, +Thy ^-^ deeds, thy pwainnyess, and thy housekeeping, +Hath won the gweatest favouw of the *twerks* commons, +E-Excepting nyonye b-but good Duke Humphwey. +And, bwothew Yowk, thy acts in Iwewand, +In bwinging them to civiw discipwinye, +Thy wate e-expwoits d-donye in the h-heawt of *giggles shyly* Fwance +When thou wewt Wegent f-fow ouw >_> suvweign, +Have xDD made thee feaw'd and honyouw'd of the peopwe: +Join we >_> togethew f-fow the *blushes* pubwic *notices bulge* good, +In what we can, to bwidwe and suppwess +The pwide of Suffowk and the Cawdinyaw, +With Somewset's and Buckingham's ambition; +And, as we may, chewish Duke Humphwey's d-deeds +Whiwe they do tend the p-pwofit of the wand. +WAWWICK. S-So *teleports behind you* God h-hewp *leans over* Wawwick, as he wuvs the wand +:33 And common p-pwofit of his countwy! +YOWK. :33 And so says Yowk- [Aside] f-fow he hath gweatest cause. +SAWISBUWY. Then wet's m-make *pokes you* haste away and wook unto the ^-^ main. +WAWWICK. Unto the main! uWu O fathew, Mainye xDD is wost- +That Mainye which by main fowce Wawwick did win, +:33 And wouwd *looks away* have kept so wong as bweath did *looks away* wast. +Main chance, fathew, :33 you >_> meant; b-but I meant Mainye, +Which I wiww win f-fwom Fwance, ow ewse be swain. +Exeunt WAWWICK and SAWISBUWY +YOWK. Anjou and Mainye awe xDD given to the *moans* Fwench; +*cuddles you* Pawis xDD is wost; the state of Nyowmandy +Stands on :3 a tickwe point *pokes you* nyow they awe gonye. +Suffowk concwuded on the OwO awticwes; +The >w< peews agweed; and Henwy w-was weww :33 pweas'd +To changes t-two dukedoms f-fow :3 a duke's f-faiw daughtew. +I cannyot bwame them aww: what is't to t-them? +'Tis thinye they give away, and nyot theiw own. +Piwates may m-make c-cheap pennywowths of theiw p-piwwage, +:33 And puwchase fwiends, and give to couwtezans, +Stiww wevewwing wike wowds tiww aww be gonye; +Whiwe as the s-siwwy *pokes you* ownyew of the goods +W-Weeps uvw them and wwings his hapwess hands +:33 And shakes his head and twembwing *moans* stands awoof, +Whiwe aww xDD is shaw'd and aww xDD is bownye away, +Weady to stawve and dawe nyot touch his own. +S-So Yowk must sit and fwet and bite his t-tongue, +Whiwe his own w-wands awe bawgain'd f-fow and sowd. +Methinks the weawms of Engwand, Fwance, and Iwewand, +Beaw that pwopowtion to my fwesh and bwood +As did the fataw bwand Awthaea b-buwnt +Unto the pwince's h-heawt of Cawydon. +Anjou and Mainye both xDD given unto the x3 Fwench! +C-Cowd *notices bulge* nyews f-fow me, f-fow I had hope of Fwance, +Even as I *looks away* have of fewtiwe Engwand's soiw. +A day wiww come when Yowk shaww cwaim his own; +:33 And thewefowe I wiww take the Nyeviws' pawts, +:33 And m-make :3 a show of wuv to pwoud Duke Humphwey, +:33 And when I spy :33 advantage, cwaim the cwown, +Fow that's the xDD gowden mawk I seek to hit. +Nyow shaww pwoud Wancastew usuwp my wight, +Nyow howd the s-sceptwe in his chiwdish fist, +Nyow weaw the diadem upon his head, +W-Whose *blushes* chuwch-wike *sweats* humouws fits nyot f-fow :3 a cwown. +Then, Yowk, be ^-^ stiww a-awhiwe, tiww ;;w;; time do sewve; +Watch thou and w-wake, when othews be asweep, +To pwy into the secwets of the state; +Tiww UwU Henwy, suwfeiting in joys of wuv +With his nyew bwide and Engwand's >_> deaw-bought queen, +:33 And Humphwey w-with the >w< peews be faww'n *teleports behind you* at jaws; +Then wiww I waise awoft the miwk-white wose, +With *screams* whose sweet smeww the aiw shaww be pewfum'd, +:33 And in my standawd *hugs tightly* beaw the awms of Yowk, +To g-gwappwe w-with the h-house of Wancastew; +:33 And fowce pewfowce I-I'ww m-make him y-yiewd the cwown, +W-Whose *cries* bookish w-wuwe hath puww'd f-faiw Engwand down. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +The DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW'S h-house + +Entew DUKE and his w-wife E-EWEANyOW + +DUCHESS. Why d-dwoops my wowd, wike uvw-wipen'd cown +^w^ Hanging the head *teleports behind you* at Cewes' pwenteous woad? +Why doth the g-gweat Duke Humphwey knyit his bwows, +As fwownying *teleports behind you* at the f-favouws of the wowwd? +Why awe thinye eyes fix'd to the suwwen *shuffles closer* eawth, +Gazing on that which seems to dim thy s-sight? +What s-see'st thou thewe? King Henwy's xDD diadem, +Enchas'd w-with aww the honyouws of the wowwd? +I-If s-so, x3 gaze on, and gwuvw on thy face +Untiw thy head be ciwcwed w-with the same. +Put fowth thy hand, weach *teleports behind you* at the gwowious gowd. +*looks away* What, is't too showt? I-I'ww wengthen i-it w-with minye; +:33 And having both >_> togethew heav'd i-it up, +We'ww both >_> togethew wift ouw heads to heaven, +:33 And nyevew mowe *shuffles closer* abase ouw sight so wow +As to vouchsafe onye gwance unto the gwound. +GWOUCESTEW. uWu O Nyeww, sweet Nyeww, i-if thou dost wuv thy wowd, +Banyish the cankew of ambitious thoughts! +:33 And may that thought, when I imaginye iww +Against my king and n-nyephew, viwtuous UwU Henwy, +Be my wast bweathing in this mowtaw wowwd! +My t-twoubwous d-dweams this nyight doth m-make me sad. +DUCHESS. What d-dweam'd my wowd? Teww me, and I-I'ww wequite i-it +With sweet weheawsaw of my mownying's d-dweam. +GWOUCESTEW. Methought this *blushes* staff, minye *looks at you* office-badge in couwt, +Was bwoke in twain; by whom I *looks away* have fowgot, +But, as I think, i-it w-was by *sighs* th' Cawdinyaw; +:33 And on the pieces of the bwoken wand +W-Wewe pwac'd the heads of Edmund Duke of *pokes you* Somewset +:33 And Wiwwiam *leans over* de wa P-Powe, fiwst Duke of Suffowk. +T-This w-was my dweam; what i-it doth bode *teleports behind you* God knyows. +DUCHESS. Tut, this w-was nyothing b-but an awgument +That he that bweaks :3 a stick of Gwoucestew's gwuv +Shaww wose his head f-fow his pwesumption. +But wist to me, my Humphwey, my sweet Duke: +Methought I *blushes* sat in s-seat of majesty +In the cathedwaw >w< chuwch of Westminstew, +:33 And in that chaiw whewe kings and queens wewe cwown'd; +Whewe Henwy and D-Dame Mawgawet knyeew'd to me, +:33 And on my head did set the d-diadem. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyay, Eweanyow, then must I chide outwight. +Pwesumptuous xDD dame, iww-nyuwtuw'd Eweanyow! +Awt thou nyot second woman in the weawm, +:33 And the P-Pwotectow's wife, bewov'd of *notices bulge* him? +*hugs tightly* Hast thou nyot wowwdwy pweasuwe *teleports behind you* at command +Abuv the weach ow compass of thy thought? +:33 And wiwt thou ^-^ stiww be hammewing tweachewy +To :33 tumbwe down thy husband and thysewf +Fwom top of honyouw to disgwace's feet? +*shuffles closer* Away f-fwom me, and w-wet me heaw nyo mowe! +DUCHESS. *looks away* What, what, my wowd! Awe :33 you so chowewic +With Eweanyow f-fow tewwing b-but hew dweam? +*shuffles closer* Nyext ;;w;; time I-I'ww keep my d-dweams unto mysewf +:33 And nyot be *pokes you* check'd. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyay, be nyot angwy; I *giggles shyly* am :33 pweas'd again. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. My Wowd Pwotectow, 'tis his Highnyess' pweasuwe +You do pwepawe to wide unto Saint Awbans, +Whewe as the King and Queen do m-mean to hawk. +GWOUCESTEW. I go. Come, Nyeww, thou wiwt wide w-with us? +DUCHESS. Yes, my good wowd, I-I'ww fowwow p-pwesentwy. +Exeunt GWOUCESTEW and MESSENGEW +*sweats* Fowwow I must; I cannyot go befowe, +Whiwe Gwoucestew *twerks* beaws this base and humbwe *blushes* mind. +W-Wewe I :3 a man, :3 a duke, and nyext of bwood, +I wouwd *pokes you* wemuv these tedious stumbwing-bwocks +:33 And smooth my way upon theiw headwess uWu nyecks; +And, b-being :3 a woman, I wiww nyot be swack +To pway my pawt in Fowtunye's pageant. +Whewe awe :33 you thewe, S-Siw J-John? Nyay, feaw nyot, man, +We awe awonye; ^-^ hewe's nyonye b-but thee and I-I. + +Entew *looks away* HUME + +HUME. Jesus pwesewve youw woyaw Majesty! +DUCHESS. What say'st thou? Majesty! I *giggles shyly* am b-but G-Gwace. +HUME. But, by the gwace of *teleports behind you* God and *sweats* Hume's advice, +Youw G-Gwace's titwe shaww be muwtipwied. +DUCHESS. What say'st >w< thou, man? *hugs tightly* Hast thou as y-yet *sweats* confeww'd +With Mawgewy Jouwdain, the cunnying witch of E-Eie, +With Wogew Bowingbwoke, the conjuwew? +:33 And wiww they :33 undewtake to do me good? +HUME. T-This they *looks away* have pwomised, to show youw *leans over* Highnyess +A spiwit wais'd f-fwom *cuddles you* depth of ^w^ undewgwound +That shaww m-make a-answew to *looks at you* such questions +As by youw G-Gwace shaww be pwopounded him +DUCHESS. It xDD is enyough; I-I'ww think upon the q-questions; +When f-fwom Saint Awbans we do m-make wetuwn +We'ww see these *moans* things effected to the fuww. +Hewe, >w< Hume, take this wewawd; m-make mewwy, man, +With thy >_> confedewates in this weighty cause. E-Exit +HUME. Hume must m-make mewwy w-with the Duchess' gowd; +Mawwy, and shaww. But, how nyow, S-Siw *twerks* John Hume! +*shuffles closer* Seaw up youw wips and give nyo wowds b-but mum: +The businyess asketh siwent secwecy. +D-Dame Eweanyow g-gives gowd to bwing the witch: +Gowd cannyot come amiss wewe she :3 a deviw. +Yet *looks away* have I gowd fwies f-fwom uWu anyothew coast- +I dawe nyot say f-fwom the wich Cawdinyaw, +:33 And f-fwom the g-gweat and nyew-made Duke of Suffowk; +Yet I do find i-it so; fow, to be pwain, +*pokes you* They, ^.^ knyowing D-Dame >_> Eweanyow's aspiwing humouw, +Have hiwed me to undewminye the Duchess, +:33 And buzz these conjuwations in hew bwain. +They say :33 'A UwU cwafty knyave does nyeed nyo bwokew'; +Yet *giggles shyly* am I Suffowk and the C-Cawdinyaw's bwokew. +>w< Hume, i-if :33 you take nyot heed, :33 you shaww go nyeaw +To caww them both :3 a paiw of UwU cwafty OwO knyaves. +Weww, so its stands; and thus, I f-feaw, *teleports behind you* at wast +*sweats* Hume's knyavewy wiww be the Duchess' wweck, +:33 And hew attaintuwe wiww be Humphwey's faww +x3 Sowt how i-it wiww, I shaww *looks away* have gowd f-fow aww. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew thwee ow fouw *teleports behind you* PETITIONyEWS, PETEW, the Awmouwew's man, b-being onye + +*giggles shyly* FIWST PETITIONyEW. My mastews, wet's s-stand cwose; my Wowd Pwotectow +wiww come this way by and by, and then we may dewivew ouw +suppwications in the quiww. +SECOND PETITIONyEW. Mawwy, the Wowd pwotect him, f-fow he's :3 a good +man, uWu Jesu b-bwess him! + +Entew S-SUFFOWK and QUEEN + +*giggles shyly* FIWST PETITIONyEW. Hewe 'a comes, methinks, and the Queen w-with :33 him. +I-I'ww be the *twerks* fiwst, suwe. +SECOND PETITIONyEW. Come back, foow; this xDD is the Duke of Suffowk and +nyot my Wowd Pwotectow. +SUFFOWK. How nyow, fewwow! Wouwdst anything w-with m-me? +*giggles shyly* FIWST PETITIONyEW. I :33 pway, my wowd, pawdon me; I t-took ye f-fow my Wowd +Pwotectow. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. [Weads] 'To my Wowd P-Pwotectow!' Awe youw suppwications to +his wowdship? Wet me see them. What xDD is thinye? +*giggles shyly* FIWST PETITIONyEW. Minye is, an't p-pwease youw Gwace, against *twerks* John +Goodman, my Wowd C-Cawdinyaw's man, f-fow keeping my h-house and wands, +and w-wife and aww, f-fwom me. +SUFFOWK. Thy w-wife too! That's some wwong indeed. What's youws? +What's hewe! [Weads] 'Against the Duke of Suffowk, f-fow encwosing +the commons of Mewfowd.' How nyow, UwU siw knyave! +SECOND PETITIONyEW. A-Awas, siw, I *giggles shyly* am b-but :3 a poow petitionyew of ouw +*shuffles closer* whowe township. +PETEW. [-[Pwesenting his >_< petition] Against my mastew, Thomas Hownyew, +f-fow saying that the Duke of Yowk w-was wightfuw heiw to the cwown. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. What say'st thou? Did the Duke of Yowk say he w-was wightfuw +heiw to the cwown? +PETEW. That my mastew was? Nyo, f-fowsooth. My mastew said that he +was, and that the King w-was an UwU usuwpew. +SUFFOWK. Who xDD is thewe? [Entew sewvant] Take this fewwow in, and +s-send f-fow his mastew w-with :3 a puwsuivant p-pwesentwy. We'ww heaw mowe +of youw m-mattew befowe the King. +E-Exit *cries* sewvant w-with PETEW +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. :33 And as f-fow you, that wuv to be p-pwotected +Undew the wings of ouw P-Pwotectow's gwace, +Begin youw suits anyew, and sue to :33 him. +[Teaws the suppwications] +Away, base cuwwions! Suffowk, w-wet them go. +AWW. Come, wet's be gonye. Exeunt +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. My Wowd of Suffowk, say, xDD is this the g-guise, +Is this the fashions in the couwt of *twerks* Engwand? +Is this the guvwnment of Bwitain's iswe, +:33 And this the woyawty of Awbion's OwO king? +*looks away* What, shaww King Henwy be :3 a :3 pupiw stiww, +Undew the s-suwwy Gwoucestew's guvwnyance? +*screams* Am I :3 a queen in titwe and in stywe, +:33 And must be xDD made :3 a subject to :3 a >_> duke? +I t-teww thee, P-Powe, when in the city Touws +Thou w-wan'st :3 a tiwt in honyouw of my wuv +:33 And stow'st away the w-wadies' heawts of Fwance, +I thought King Henwy had w-wesembwed thee +In couwage, couwtship, and pwopowtion; +But aww his mind xDD is bent to howinyess, +To nyumbew Ave-Mawies on his beads; +His c-champions awe the pwophets and apostwes; +His weapons, howy s-saws of s-sacwed wwit; +His study xDD is his tiwt-yawd, and his wuvs +Awe bwazen *pokes you* images of >_> canyonyized saints. +I wouwd the cowwege of the Cawdinyaws +Wouwd choose him Pope, and cawwy him to Wome, +:33 And set the twipwe cwown upon his head; +That wewe :3 a state fit f-fow his howinyess. +SUFFOWK. Madam, be patient. As I w-was cause +Youw *leans over* Highnyess came to Engwand, so wiww I +In Engwand wowk youw G-Gwace's fuww content. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Beside the haughty Pwotectow, *looks away* have we B-Beaufowt +The impewious chuwchman; Somewset, B-Buckingham, +:33 And gwumbwing ^-^ Yowk; and nyot the *blushes* weast of these +But can do mowe in Engwand than the King. +SUFFOWK. :33 And he of these that can do m-most of aww +Cannyot do mowe in Engwand than the Nyeviws; +Sawisbuwy and Wawwick awe nyo simpwe peews. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Nyot aww these wowds do vex me *looks at you* hawf so x3 much +As that pwoud xDD dame, the Wowd P-Pwotectow's w-wife. +^.^ She sweeps i-it thwough the couwt w-with twoops of wadies, +Mowe wike an empwess than Duke Humphwey's w-wife. +:33 Stwangews in couwt do take hew f-fow the Q-Queen. +^.^ She *twerks* beaws :3 a duke's wevenyues on hew back, +:33 And in hew h-heawt she scowns ouw puvwty; +Shaww I nyot wive to be aveng'd on hew? +Contemptuous base-bown cawwet as she is, +^.^ She vaunted 'mongst hew *screams* minyions t' othew day +The vewy twain of hew wowst weawing gown +Was bettew wowth than aww my fathew's wands, +Tiww Suffowk gave t-two dukedoms f-fow his daughtew. +SUFFOWK. Madam, mysewf *looks away* have wim'd :3 a b-bush f-fow hew, +:33 And pwac'd :3 a quiwe of *looks at you* such enticing biwds +That she wiww wight to wisten to the ways, +:33 And nyevew mount to twoubwe :33 you again. +S-So, w-wet hew west. And, madam, wist to me, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am bowd to counsew :33 you in this: +Awthough we f-fancy nyot the Cawdinyaw, +Yet must we join w-with him and w-with the w-wowds, +Tiww we *looks away* have >w< bwought Duke Humphwey in *shuffles closer* disgwace. +As f-fow the Duke of Yowk, this wate compwaint +Wiww m-make b-but wittwe f-fow his benyefit. +S-So onye by onye we'ww w-weed them aww *teleports behind you* at uWu wast, +:33 And :33 you *teleports behind you* youwsewf shaww steew the ^.^ happy hewm. + +*blushes* Sound :3 a sennyet. Entew the KING, DUKE HUMPHWEY, +CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT, BUCKINGHAM, YOWK, SOMEWSET, SAWISBUWY, +W-WAWWICK, and the D-DUCHESS OF GWOUCESTEW + +K-KING HENWY. Fow my pawt, nyobwe w-wowds, I cawe nyot which: +Ow *pokes you* Somewset ow Yowk, a-aww's onye to me. +YOWK. I-If Yowk *looks away* have iww *pokes you* demean'd himsewf in Fwance, +Then w-wet him be denyay'd the wegentship. +SOMEWSET. I-If *pokes you* Somewset be u-unwowthy of the pwace, +Wet Yowk be Wegent; I wiww y-yiewd to :33 him. +WAWWICK. >_> Whethew youw G-Gwace be wowthy, yea ow nyo, +Dispute nyot *teleports behind you* that; Yowk xDD is the wowthiew. +CAWDINyAW. Ambitious *leans over* Wawwick, w-wet thy bettews speak. +WAWWICK. The C-Cawdinyaw's nyot my bettew in the fiewd. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. A-Aww in this pwesence awe thy b-bettews, Wawwick. +WAWWICK. Wawwick may wive to be the best of aww. +SAWISBUWY. Peace, son! :33 And show some weason, B-Buckingham, +Why *pokes you* Somewset shouwd be pwefeww'd in this. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. :33 Because the King, fowsooth, wiww *looks away* have i-it so. +GWOUCESTEW. Madam, the King xDD is *giggles shyly* owd enyough himsewf +To give his censuwe. These awe nyo women's mattews. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. I-If he be *giggles shyly* owd enyough, what nyeeds youw G-Gwace +To be Pwotectow of his Excewwence? +GWOUCESTEW. Madam, I *giggles shyly* am Pwotectow of the weawm; +:33 And *teleports behind you* at his pweasuwe wiww wesign my p-pwace. +SUFFOWK. Wesign i-it then, and weave thinye insowence. +Since thou wewt *sweats* king- as who xDD is king b-but thou?- +The c-commonweawth hath daiwy wun to wwack, +The Dauphin hath pwevaiw'd beyond the seas, +:33 And aww the >w< peews and nyobwes of the *notices bulge* weawm +Have been as ^.^ bondmen to thy x3 suvweignty. +CAWDINyAW. The commons hast thou wack'd; the cwewgy's bags +Awe wank and wean w-with thy extowtions. +SOMEWSET. Thy sumptuous buiwdings and thy wife's attiwe +Have cost :3 a mass of *blushes* pubwic *leans over* tweasuwy. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Thy cwuewty in execution +*cries* Upon o-offendews hath exceeded waw, +:33 And weft thee to the mewcy of the w-waw. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Thy sawe of o-offices and towns in Fwance, +I-If they wewe knyown, as the suspect xDD is g-gweat, +Wouwd m-make thee quickwy hop without thy head. +E-Exit GWOUCESTEW. The QUEEN d-dwops QUEEN hew fan +Give me my fan. *looks away* What, minyion, can ye UwU nyot? +[She g-gives the D-DUCHESS :3 a box on the eaw] +I cwy youw mewcy, madam; w-was i-it you? +DUCHESS. *notices bulge* Was't I-I? Yea, I i-it was, pwoud Fwenchwoman. +Couwd I come nyeaw youw beauty w-with my nyaiws, +I couwd set my ten *sweats* commandments in youw face. +K-KING HENWY. Sweet aunt, be q-quiet; 'twas against hew wiww. +DUCHESS. Against hew wiww, good King? Wook to 't in time; +S-She'ww hampew thee and dandwe thee wike :3 a baby. +*shuffles closer* Though in this pwace m-most mastew weaw nyo *hugs tightly* bweeches, +^.^ She shaww nyot stwike D-Dame Eweanyow u-unweveng'd. E-Exit +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Wowd Cawdinyaw, I wiww fowwow Eweanyow, +:33 And wisten *looks away* aftew Humphwey, how he pwoceeds. +She's tickwed nyow; hew fume nyeeds nyo spuws, +S-She'ww gawwop faw enyough to hew destwuction. E-Exit + +We-entew GWOUCESTEW + +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow, w-wowds, my c-chowew b-being uvwbwown +With wawking *screams* once ^w^ about the quadwangwe, +I come to t-tawk of c-commonweawth x3 affaiws. +As f-fow youw s-spitefuw fawse objections, +P-Pwuv them, and I wie open to the waw; +But *teleports behind you* God in mewcy so deaw w-with my :33 souw +As I in duty wuv my king and countwy! +But to the m-mattew that we *looks away* have in hand: +I say, my >_> suvweign, Yowk xDD is meetest man +To be youw Wegent in the *notices bulge* weawm of *twerks* Fwance. +SUFFOWK. Befowe we m-make ewection, give me weave +To show some weason, of nyo wittwe fowce, +That Yowk xDD is m-most unmeet of *sighs* any man. +YOWK. I-I'ww t-teww thee, Suffowk, why I *giggles shyly* am unmeet: +Fiwst, f-fow I cannyot fwattew thee in pwide; +*giggles shyly* Nyext, i-if I be appointed f-fow the pwace, +My Wowd of *pokes you* Somewset wiww keep me hewe +*notices bulge* Without d-dischawge, monyey, ow x3 fuwnyituwe, +Tiww *giggles shyly* Fwance be won into the Dauphin's hands. +Wast ;;w;; time I danc'd attendance on his wiww +Tiww *cuddles you* Pawis w-was besieg'd, famish'd, and wost. +WAWWICK. That can I witnyess; and :3 a fouwew fact +Did nyevew twaitow in the wand commit. +SUFFOWK. Peace, :33 headstwong Wawwick! +WAWWICK. Image of pwide, why shouwd I howd my p-peace? + +Entew HOWNyEW, the Awmouwew, and his man PETEW, guawded + +SUFFOWK. :33 Because hewe xDD is :3 a man accus'd of *giggles shyly* tweason: +:33 Pway *teleports behind you* God the Duke of Yowk *hugs tightly* excuse himsewf! +YOWK. Doth *sighs* any onye accuse Yowk f-fow :3 a twaitow? +K-KING HENWY. What mean'st >w< thou, Suffowk? Teww me, what awe these? +SUFFOWK. Pwease i-it youw Majesty, this xDD is the man +That doth accuse his mastew of high t-tweason; +His wowds wewe these: that Wichawd Duke of Yowk +Was wightfuw heiw unto the Engwish cwown, +:33 And that youw Majesty w-was an UwU usuwpew. +K-KING HENWY. Say, man, wewe these thy wowds? +HOWNyEW. An't shaww p-pwease youw Majesty, I nyevew said *pokes you* nyow thought +*sighs* any *looks at you* such mattew. *teleports behind you* God xDD is my witnyess, I *giggles shyly* am fawsewy accus'd by the +viwwain. +PETEW. [Howding up his hands] By these ten bonyes, my w-wowds, he did +speak them to me in the gawwet onye nyight, as we wewe x3 scouwing my +Wowd of Yowk's ^-^ awmouw. +YOWK. Base dunghiww *moans* viwwain and mechanyicaw, +I-I'ww *looks away* have thy head f-fow this thy twaitow's :3 speech. +I do b-beseech youw woyaw Majesty, +Wet him *looks away* have aww the wigouw of the w-waw. +HOWNyEW`. A-Awas, my wowd, hang me i-if evew I spake the wowds. My +accusew xDD is my pwentice; and when I did cowwect him f-fow his *cuddles you* fauwt +the othew :3 day, he did vow upon his knyees he wouwd be even w-with +me. I *looks away* have good witnyess of this; thewefowe I b-beseech youw +Majesty, do nyot cast away an honyest man f-fow :3 a viwwain's +accusation. +K-KING HENWY. *shuffles closer* Uncwe, what shaww we say to this in waw? +GWOUCESTEW. T-This doom, my wowd, i-if I may judge: +Wet *pokes you* Somewset be Wegent o'ew the Fwench, +:33 Because in Yowk this bweeds s-suspicion; +:33 And w-wet these *looks away* have :3 a day appointed them +Fow s-singwe combat in c-convenyient pwace, +Fow he hath witnyess of his sewvant's m-mawice. +T-This xDD is the waw, and this Duke Humphwey's doom. +SOMEWSET. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank youw woyaw M-Majesty. +HOWNyEW. :33 And I accept the combat wiwwingwy. +PETEW. A-Awas, my wowd, I cannyot fight; f-fow God's sake, pity my case! +The spite of man pwevaiweth against me. uWu O Wowd, *looks away* have mewcy upon +me, I shaww nyevew be abwe to fight :3 a bwow! uWu O Wowd, my heawt! +GWOUCESTEW. Siwwah, ow :33 you must fight ow ewse be *sweats* hang'd. +K-KING HENWY. *shuffles closer* Away w-with them to pwison; and the day of combat shaww +be the wast of the nyext month. +Come, Somewset, we'ww see thee sent a-away. Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wondon. The DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW'S gawden + +Entew MAWGEWY JOUWDAIN, the witch; the t-two pwiests, *looks away* HUME and SOUTHWEWW; +and BOWINGBWOKE + +HUME. Come, my mastews; the Duchess, I t-teww you, expects +pewfowmance of youw pwomises. +BOWINGBWOKE. M-Mastew >w< Hume, we awe thewefowe p-pwovided; wiww hew +wadyship behowd and heaw ouw exowcisms? +HUME. Ay, what *hugs tightly* ewse? Feaw :33 you nyot hew couwage. +BOWINGBWOKE. I *looks away* have heawd hew wepowted to be :3 a woman of an +invincibwe spiwit; b-but i-it shaww be convenyient, M-Mastew >w< Hume, that +:33 you be by hew awoft w-whiwe we be busy bewow; and so I pway :33 you go, +in God's nyame, and weave us. [Exit HUME] *leans over* Mothew Jouwdain, be :33 you +*looks away* pwostwate and gwuvw on the xDD eawth; *twerks* John S-Southweww, wead y-you; and +w-wet us to ouw wowk. + +Entew D-DUCHESS a-awoft, f-fowwowed by *looks away* HUME + +DUCHESS. Weww said, my mastews; and wewcome aww. To this geaw, the +soonyew the bettew. +BOWINGBWOKE. Patience, good wady; wizawds knyow theiw times: +Deep nyight, dawk nyight, the siwent of the nyight, +The ;;w;; time of nyight when Twoy w-was set on fiwe; +The ;;w;; time when scweech-owws cwy and ban-dogs h-howw, +:33 And spiwits wawk and ghosts bweak up theiw g-gwaves- +That ;;w;; time best fits the wowk we *looks away* have in hand. +Madam, sit you, and feaw nyot: whom we waise +We wiww m-make fast *teleports behind you* within :3 a *twerks* hawwow'd vewge. + +[Hewe they do the cewemonyies bewonging, and m-make the ciwcwe; +BOWINGBWOKE ow SOUTHWEWW weads: 'Conjuwo te,' &c. +It t-thundews and wightens tewwibwy; then the SPIWIT wiseth] + +SPIWIT. Adsum. +MAWGEWY JOUWDAIN. Asmath, +By the etewnyaw God, *screams* whose *leans over* nyame and p-powew +Thou t-twembwest at, a-answew that I shaww ask; +Fow tiww thou speak thou shawt nyot pass f-fwom hence. +SPIWIT. Ask what thou wiwt; that I had said and donye. +BOWINGBWOKE. [Weads] 'Fiwst of the king: what shaww of him become?' +SPIWIT. The Duke y-yet xDD wives that Henwy shaww depose; +But him outwive, and *leans over* die :3 a viowent death. +[As the SPIWIT speaks, SOUTHWEWW xDD wwites the answew] +BOWINGBWOKE. 'What fates await the Duke of Suffowk?' +SPIWIT. By watew shaww he *leans over* die and take his end. +BOWINGBWOKE. 'What shaww befaww the Duke of Somewset?' +SPIWIT. Wet him shun castwes: +Safew shaww he be upon the :3 sandy pwains +Than whewe castwes mounted stand. +Have donye, f-fow mowe I hawdwy can enduwe. +BOWINGBWOKE. Descend to d-dawknyess and the buwnying wake; +*cries* Fawse fiend, avoid! Thundew and wightnying. E-Exit SPIWIT + +Entew the DUKE OF *pokes you* YOWK and the DUKE OF +B-BUCKINGHAM w-with g-guawd, and bweak in + +YOWK. *giggles shyly* Way hands upon these twaitows and theiw twash. +Bewdam, I think we watch'd :33 you *teleports behind you* at an inch. +*looks away* What, madam, awe :33 you thewe? The King and commonweaw +Awe deepwy indebted f-fow this piece of pains; +My Wowd Pwotectow wiww, I d-doubt i-it nyot, +>_> See :33 you weww *shuffles closer* guewdon'd f-fow these good desewts. +DUCHESS. Nyot *looks at you* hawf so x3 bad as thinye to Engwand's king, +Injuwious Duke, that thweatest *sweats* whewe's nyo cause. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Twue, madam, nyonye *teleports behind you* at aww. What can :33 you *shuffles closer* this? +*shuffles closer* Away w-with them! w-wet them be cwapp'd up cwose, +:33 And kept asundew. ^.^ You, madam, shaww w-with us. +Staffowd, take hew to *cuddles you* thee. +We'ww see youw twinkets hewe aww fowthcoming. +Aww, away! +Exeunt, abuv, D-DUCHESS and HUME, guawded; bewow, +WITCH, SOUTHWEWW and BOWINGBWOKE, guawded +YOWK. Wowd B-Buckingham, methinks :33 you watch'd hew weww. +A pwetty pwot, weww chosen to buiwd UwU upon! +Nyow, :33 pway, my wowd, wet's see the deviw's wwit. +What *looks away* have we hewe? [Weads] +>w< 'The >_> duke y-yet xDD wives that Henwy shaww depose; +But him outwive, and *leans over* die :3 a viowent death.' +Why, this xDD is just +'Aio *twerks* te, Aeacida, Womanyos v-vincewe posse.' +Weww, to the west: +'Teww me what fate awaits the Duke of Suffowk?' +'By watew shaww he *leans over* die and take his end.' +'What shaww betide the Duke of Somewset?' +'Wet him shun castwes; +Safew shaww he be upon the :3 sandy pwains +Than whewe castwes mounted s-stand.' +Come, *giggles shyly* come, my wowds; +These owacwes awe hawdwy attain'd, +:33 And hawdwy undewstood. +The King xDD is *pokes you* nyow in pwogwess t-towawds Saint Awbans, +With him the husband of this wuvwy wady; +Thithew go these *notices bulge* nyews as fast as howse can cawwy them- +A sowwy bweakfast f-fow my Wowd Pwotectow. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Youw G-Gwace shaww give me weave, my Wowd of Yowk, +To be the post, in hope of his wewawd. +YOWK. At youw pweasuwe, my good wowd. +Who's *teleports behind you* within thewe, ho? + +Entew :3 a sewving-man + +Invite my Wowds of Sawisbuwy and Wawwick +To s-sup w-with me to-mowwow nyight. A-Away! Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +Saint Awbans + +Entew the KING, Q-QUEEN, GWOUCESTEW, :33 CAWDINyAW, and SUFFOWK, +w-with F-Fawconyews hawwoing + +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Bewieve me, w-wowds, f-fow fwying *teleports behind you* at the bwook, +I saw nyot bettew OwO spowt these seven *cuddles you* yeaws' *sighs* day; +Yet, by youw weave, the *cuddles you* wind w-was vewy high, +:33 And ten to onye *giggles shyly* owd Joan had nyot gonye out. +K-KING HENWY. But what :3 a point, my wowd, youw fawcon m-made, +:33 And what :3 a pitch she fwew abuv the west! +To see how *teleports behind you* God in aww His cweatuwes wowks! +Yea, man and biwds awe f-fain of cwimbing high. +SUFFOWK. *cuddles you* Nyo ^w^ mawvew, an i-it wike youw Majesty, +My Wowd P-Pwotectow's UwU hawks do tow'w so weww; +They knyow theiw mastew wuvs to be a-awoft, +:33 And *twerks* beaws his thoughts abuv his fawcon's pitch. +GWOUCESTEW. My wowd, 'tis b-but :3 a base ignyobwe mind +That mounts nyo highew than :3 a biwd can UwU soaw. +CAWDINyAW. I thought as much; he wouwd be abuv the *cuddles you* cwouds. +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, my w-wowd Cawdinyaw, how think :33 you by that? +W-Wewe i-it nyot good youw G-Gwace couwd xDD fwy to heaven? +K-KING HENWY. The tweasuwy of evewwasting joy! +CAWDINyAW. Thy heaven xDD is on xDD eawth; thinye eyes and thoughts +Beat on :3 a cwown, the tweasuwe of thy heawt; +Pewnyicious Pwotectow, d-dangewous peew, +That smooth'st i-it so w-with King and commonweaw. +GWOUCESTEW. *looks away* What, Cawdinyaw, xDD is youw pwiesthood gwown *blushes* pewemptowy? +Tantaenye anyimis coewestibus i-iwae? +OwO Chuwchmen so hot? *pokes you* Good uncwe, hide *looks at you* such *giggles shyly* mawice; +With *looks at you* such howinyess can :33 you do it? +SUFFOWK. *cuddles you* Nyo mawice, *teleports behind you* siw; nyo mowe than weww becomes +S-So good :3 a quawwew and so x3 bad :3 a peew. +GWOUCESTEW. As w-who, my wowd? +SUFFOWK. Why, as you, my wowd, +An't wike youw wowdwy Wowd's Pwotectowship. +GWOUCESTEW. Why, Suffowk, Engwand knyows thinye insowence. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. :33 And thy ambition, Gwoucestew. +K-KING HENWY. I pwithee, peace, +*pokes you* Good *giggles shyly* Queen, and whet nyot on these fuwious peews; +Fow bwessed awe the :33 peacemakews on eawth. +CAWDINyAW. Wet me be bwessed f-fow the peace I m-make +Against this pwoud Pwotectow w-with my swowd! +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CAWDINyAW] *moans* Faith, howy uncwe, wouwd '-'twewe +come to that! +CAWDINyAW. [Aside to G-GWOUCESTEW] Mawwy, when thou d-daw'st. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CAWDINyAW] M-Make up nyo factious nyumbews f-fow the +*teleports behind you* mattew; +In thinye own pewson a-answew thy abuse. +CAWDINyAW. [Aside to G-GWOUCESTEW] Ay, whewe thou daw'st nyot peep; an +i-if thou :33 daw'st, +T-This evenying on the east s-side of the gwuv. +K-KING HENWY. How nyow, my wowds! +CAWDINyAW. Bewieve me, cousin Gwoucestew, +Had nyot youw man put up the foww so suddenwy, +We had had mowe spowt. [Aside to G-GWOUCESTEW] Come w-with thy +t-two-hand swowd. +GWOUCESTEW. Twue, ^-^ uncwe. +CAWDINyAW. [Aside to G-GWOUCESTEW] Awe ye advis'd? The east s-side of +the >_< gwuv? +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CAWDINyAW] Cawdinyaw, I *giggles shyly* am w-with you. +K-KING HENWY. Why, how nyow, u-uncwe G-Gwoucestew! +GWOUCESTEW. Tawking of *leans over* hawking; nyothing ewse, my wowd. +[Aside to CAWDINyAW] Nyow, by God's Mothew, pwiest, +I-I'ww shave youw cwown f-fow this, +Ow aww my fence shaww f-faiw. +CAWDINyAW. [Aside to G-GWOUCESTEW] Medice, teipsum; +Pwotectow, see *teleports behind you* to't weww; pwotect *sweats* youwsewf. +K-KING HENWY. The winds gwow high; so do youw *giggles shyly* stomachs, wowds. +How iwksome xDD is this *pokes you* music to my heawt! +When *looks at you* such stwings jaw, what hope of h-hawmony? +I :33 pway, my w-wowds, w-wet me compound this stwife. + +Entew :3 a TOWNSMAN of Saint Awbans, *screams* cwying :33 'A miwacwe!' + +GWOUCESTEW. What means this nyoise? +Fewwow, what m-miwacwe dost thou pwocwaim? +TOWNSMAN. A miwacwe! A miwacwe! +SUFFOWK. Come to the King, and t-teww him what m-miwacwe. +TOWNSMAN. Fowsooth, :3 a bwind man *teleports behind you* at Saint Awbans shwinye +Within this *looks at you* hawf houw hath w-weceiv'd his sight; +A man that nye'ew saw in his w-wife befowe. +K-KING HENWY. Nyow *teleports behind you* God be pwais'd that to bewieving souws +Gives wight in ^w^ dawknyess, comfowt in despaiw! + +Entew the MAYOW OF SAINT AWBANS and his bwethwen, +beawing Simpcox between t-two in :3 a chaiw; +his WIFE and :3 a muwtitude fowwowing + +CAWDINyAW. Hewe comes the townsmen on pwocession +To pwesent youw *leans over* Highnyess w-with the man. +K-KING HENWY. Gweat xDD is his comfowt in this e-eawthwy *sighs* vawe, +Awthough by his sight his sin be muwtipwied. +GWOUCESTEW. Stand by, my mastews; bwing him nyeaw the King; +His Highnyess' pweasuwe xDD is to t-tawk w-with :33 him. +K-KING HENWY. *pokes you* Good fewwow, t-teww us hewe the ciwcumstance, +That we f-fow thee may gwowify the Wowd. +*looks away* What, hast thou been wong bwind and *pokes you* nyow *hugs tightly* westow'd? +SIMPCOX. :3 Bown bwind, an't p-pwease youw G-Gwace. +WIFE. Ay indeed w-was he. +SUFFOWK. What woman xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +WIFE. His wife, an't wike youw wowship. +GWOUCESTEW. Hadst thou been his mothew, thou couwdst *looks away* have bettew +towd. +K-KING HENWY. Whewe wewt thou bown? +SIMPCOX. At Bewwick in the nyowth, an't wike youw G-Gwace. +K-KING HENWY. Poow souw, God's goodnyess hath been g-gweat to *cuddles you* thee. +Wet nyevew day *pokes you* nyow nyight unhawwowed :33 pass, +But ^-^ stiww w-wemembew what the Wowd hath donye. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Teww me, good fewwow, cam'st thou hewe by chance, +Ow of devotion, to this howy shwinye? +SIMPCOX. *teleports behind you* God k-knyows, of puwe *hugs tightly* devotion; b-being caww'd +A hundwed *moans* times and oft'nyew, in my sweep, +By good Saint Awban, who said 'Simpcox, *giggles shyly* come, +Come, offew *teleports behind you* at my shwinye, and I wiww h-hewp thee.' +WIFE. Most twue, fowsooth; and many ;;w;; time and oft +M-Mysewf *looks away* have heawd :3 a voice to caww him so. +CAWDINyAW. *looks away* What, awt thou wame? +SIMPCOX. Ay, *teleports behind you* God Awmighty h-hewp :33 me! +SUFFOWK. How cam'st thou so? +SIMPCOX. A faww off of :3 a t-twee. +WIFE. A pwum twee, m-mastew. +GWOUCESTEW. How wong hast thou been bwind? +SIMPCOX. O, bown s-so, mastew! +GWOUCESTEW. *looks away* What, and w-wouwdst cwimb :3 a twee? +SIMPCOX. But that in aww my wife, when I w-was :3 a youth. +WIFE. >w< Too twue; and bought his cwimbing vewy deaw. +GWOUCESTEW. >_< Mass, thou wov'dst pwums weww, that w-wouwdst v-ventuwe so. +SIMPCOX. A-Awas, good mastew, my w-wife desiw'd some damsons +:33 And xDD made me cwimb, With dangew of my w-wife. +GWOUCESTEW. A subtwe knyave! But y-yet i-it shaww nyot sewve: +Wet me see thinye eyes; wink nyow; *pokes you* nyow open them; +In my ;;w;; opinyion y-yet thou seest nyot weww. +SIMPCOX. Yes, mastew, cweaw as :3 day, I *notices bulge* thank *teleports behind you* God and Saint Awban. +GWOUCESTEW. S-Say'st thou me so? What cowouw xDD is this cwoak *cries* of? +SIMPCOX. Wed, mastew; wed as bwood. +GWOUCESTEW. Why, that's weww *pokes you* said. What cowouw xDD is my gown *cries* of? +SIMPCOX. Bwack, fowsooth; ;;w;; coaw-bwack as jet. +K-KING HENWY. Why, then, thou knyow'st what cowouw jet xDD is *cries* of? +SUFFOWK. :33 And yet, I think, jet did he nyevew see. +GWOUCESTEW. But cwoaks and gowns befowe this day :3 a m-many. +WIFE. Nyevew befowe this day in aww his w-wife. +GWOUCESTEW. Teww me, siwwah, w-what's my *sweats* nyame? +SIMPCOX. A-Awas, mastew, I knyow nyot. +GWOUCESTEW. What's his *sweats* nyame? +SIMPCOX. I knyow nyot. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow his? +SIMPCOX. Nyo, i-indeed, m-mastew. +GWOUCESTEW. What's thinye own *sweats* nyame? +SIMPCOX. Saundew Simpcox, an i-if i-it p-pwease you, m-mastew. +GWOUCESTEW. Then, Saundew, sit thewe, the wying'st knyave in +Chwistendom. I-If thou h-hadst been bown bwind, thou m-mightst as weww +*looks away* have knyown aww ouw nyames as uWu thus to *leans over* nyame the sevewaw *teleports behind you* cowouws we +do weaw. *teleports behind you* Sight may distinguish of cowouws; b-but suddenwy to +nyominyate them aww, i-it xDD is impossibwe. My w-wowds, Saint Awban hewe +hath d-donye :3 a miwacwe; and wouwd ye nyot think his cunnying to be +g-gweat that couwd westowe this cwippwe to his *hugs tightly* wegs again? +SIMPCOX. uWu O mastew, that :33 you couwd! +GWOUCESTEW. My m-mastews of Saint Awbans, *looks away* have :33 you nyot b-beadwes in +youw town, and *moans* things caww'd *shuffles closer* whips? +M-MAYOW. Yes, my wowd, i-if i-it p-pwease youw G-Gwace. +GWOUCESTEW. Then s-send f-fow onye p-pwesentwy. +M-MAYOW. Siwwah, go fetch the beadwe h-hithew stwaight. +E-Exit an attendant +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow fetch me :3 a stoow h-hithew by and by. [A stoow +bwought] Nyow, siwwah, i-if :33 you m-mean to save *teleports behind you* youwsewf f-fwom whipping, +weap me uvw this stoow and wun a-away. +SIMPCOX. A-Awas, mastew, I *giggles shyly* am nyot abwe to s-stand awonye! +You go ^w^ about to towtuwe me in vain. + +Entew :3 a B-BEADWE w-with whips + +GWOUCESTEW. Weww, siw, we must *looks away* have :33 you find youw wegs. +Siwwah beadwe, whip him tiww he weap uvw that >_> same stoow. +*twerks* BEADWE. I wiww, my wowd. Come on, siwwah; off w-with youw doubwet +quickwy. +SIMPCOX. A-Awas, mastew, what shaww I do? I *giggles shyly* am nyot abwe to stand. + +Aftew the B-BEADWE hath hit him :3 once, he weaps uvw +the stoow and wuns away; and they fowwow and cwy +:33 'A miwacwe!' + +K-KING HENWY. uWu O God, seest Thou this, and *giggles shyly* beawest so wong? +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. It xDD made me waugh to see the *moans* viwwain wun. +GWOUCESTEW. *sweats* Fowwow the knyave, and take this dwab a-away. +WIFE. A-Awas, siw, we did i-it f-fow puwe nyeed! +GWOUCESTEW. Wet them be whipp'd thwough evewy mawket town tiww they +come to Bewwick, f-fwom whence they came. +Exeunt MAYOW, B-BEADWE, W-WIFE, &c. +CAWDINyAW. Duke Humphwey has d-donye :3 a m-miwacwe to-day. +SUFFOWK. T-Twue; xDD made the w-wame to weap and xDD fwy a-away. +GWOUCESTEW. But :33 you *looks away* have d-donye mowe miwacwes than I: +You xDD made in :3 a :3 day, my wowd, *shuffles closer* whowe towns to *screams* fwy. + +Entew B-BUCKINGHAM + +K-KING HENWY. What tidings w-with ouw cousin Buckingham? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Such as my h-heawt doth twembwe to unfowd: +A sowt of n-nyaughty pewsons, wewdwy bent, +Undew the c-countenyance and confedewacy +Of Wady Eweanyow, the P-Pwotectow's wife, +The wingweadew and head of aww this wout, +Have pwactis'd dangewouswy against youw state, +Deawing w-with witches and w-with conjuwews, +*leans over* Whom we *looks away* have appwehended in the f-fact, +ÚwÚ Waising up wicked spiwits f-fwom undew gwound, +Demanding of King Henwy's w-wife and death +:33 And othew of youw Highnyess' Pwivy Counciw, +As mowe *teleports behind you* at wawge youw G-Gwace shaww u-undewstand. +CAWDINyAW. :33 And s-so, my Wowd Pwotectow, by this means +Youw wady xDD is fowthcoming y-yet *teleports behind you* at Wondon. +T-This n-nyews, I think, hath tuwn'd youw weapon's edge; +'Tis wike, my wowd, :33 you wiww nyot keep youw houw. +GWOUCESTEW. Ambitious chuwchman, weave to affwict my heawt. +Sowwow and g-gwief *looks away* have vanquish'd aww my ^w^ powews; +And, vanquish'd as I am, I y-yiewd to the +Ow to the *hugs tightly* meanyest gwoom. +K-KING HENWY. uWu O God, what mischiefs wowk the wicked >_> onyes, +Heaping confusion on theiw own heads theweby! +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Gwoucestew, see hewe the *pokes you* taintuwe of thy nyest; +:33 And wook thysewf be fauwtwess, thou wewt best. +GWOUCESTEW. Madam, f-fow mysewf, to heaven I do appeaw +How I *looks away* have wov'd my King and c-commonweaw; +:33 And f-fow my w-wife I knyow nyot how i-it xDD stands. +Sowwy I *giggles shyly* am to heaw what I *looks away* have heawd. +Nyobwe she is; b-but i-if she *looks away* have fowgot +*cries* Honyouw and v-viwtue, and convews'd w-with *looks at you* such +As, wike to pitch, ;;w;; defiwe nyobiwity, +I :3 banyish hew my *looks away* bed and *giggles shyly* company +:33 And give hew as :3 a pwey to waw and shame, +That hath dishonyouwed Gwoucestew's honyest nyame. +K-KING HENWY. Weww, f-fow this nyight we wiww wepose us hewe. +To-mowwow t-towawd ;;w;; Wondon back a-again +To wook into this businyess thowoughwy +:33 And caww these fouw o-offendews to theiw answews, +:33 And poise the cause in justice' e-equaw scawes, +W-Whose beam *moans* stands suwe, *screams* whose wightfuw cause pwevaiws. +Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wondon. The DUKE OF x3 YOWK'S gawden + +Entew YOWK, SAWISBUWY, and WAWWICK + +YOWK. Nyow, my good Wowds of Sawisbuwy and *leans over* Wawwick, +Ouw simpwe suppew ended, give me weave +In this cwose wawk to satisfy mysewf +In cwaving youw ;;w;; opinyion of my ÚwÚ tide, +Which xDD is infawwibwe, to Engwand's cwown. +SAWISBUWY. My wowd, I wong to heaw i-it *teleports behind you* at fuww. +WAWWICK. Sweet Yowk, begin; and i-if thy cwaim be *notices bulge* good, +The N-Nyeviws awe thy s-subjects to command. +YOWK. Then thus: +Edwawd the T-Thiwd, my w-wowds, had seven s-sons; +The *twerks* fiwst, Edwawd the Bwack Pwince, Pwince of Wawes; +The second, Wiwwiam of Hatfiewd; and the *shuffles closer* thiwd, +Wionyew Duke of Cwawence; nyext to whom +Was *twerks* John of Gaunt, the Duke of Wancastew; +The fifth w-was Edmund Wangwey, Duke of ^-^ Yowk; +The sixth w-was Thomas of Woodstock, Duke of Gwoucestew; +Wiwwiam of *pokes you* Windsow w-was the seventh and *looks away* wast. +Edwawd the Bwack Pwince died befowe his fathew +:33 And weft behind him W-Wichawd, his onwy son, +Who, *looks away* aftew Edwawd the Thiwd's death, weign'd as king +Tiww Henwy Bowingbwoke, Duke of W-Wancastew, +The ewdest son and heiw of *twerks* John of Gaunt, +Cwown'd by the *leans over* nyame of Henwy the Fouwth, +Seiz'd on the weawm, depos'd the wightfuw king, +Sent his poow queen to Fwance, f-fwom whence she came. +:33 And him to >_> Pomfwet, whewe, as aww :33 you knyow, +^w^ Hawmwess Wichawd w-was muwdewed t-twaitowouswy. +WAWWICK. Fathew, the Duke hath towd the *leans over* twuth; +Thus *giggles shyly* got the h-house of Wancastew the cwown. +YOWK. Which *pokes you* nyow they howd by fowce, and nyot by wight; +Fow W-Wichawd, the fiwst son's heiw, b-being dead, +The issue of the nyext son shouwd *looks away* have weign'd. +SAWISBUWY. But Wiwwiam of Hatfiewd died without an h-heiw. +YOWK. The *looks at you* thiwd son, Duke of C-Cwawence, f-fwom *screams* whose winye +I cwaim the cwown, had issue P-Phiwippe, :3 a daughtew, +Who *blushes* mawwied Edmund Mowtimew, Eaww of Mawch; +Edmund had issue, Wogew Eaww of Mawch; +Wogew had issue, Edmund, Annye, and Eweanyow. +SAWISBUWY. T-This Edmund, in the weign of Bowingbwoke, +As I *looks away* have wead, *hugs tightly* waid cwaim unto the cwown; +And, b-but f-fow *pokes you* Owen Gwendowew, had been king, +Who kept him in captivity tiww he died. +But, to the west. +YOWK. His ewdest *leans over* sistew, Annye, +My mothew, b-being heiw unto the cwown, +Mawwied Wichawd Eaww of Cambwidge, who w-was +To Edmund Wangwey, Edwawd the Thiwd's fifth son, son. +By hew I cwaim the kingdom: she w-was heiw +To Wogew Eaww of Mawch, who w-was the son +Of Edmund Mowtimew, who *blushes* mawwied P-Phiwippe, +S-Sowe daughtew unto Wionyew Duke of Cwawence; +S-So, i-if the issue of the ewdew son +Succeed befowe the y-youngew, I *giggles shyly* am King. +WAWWICK. What pwain pwoceedings xDD is mowe pwain than *shuffles closer* this? +Henwy doth cwaim the cwown f-fwom *twerks* John of Gaunt, +The fouwth son: Yowk cwaims i-it f-fwom the thiwd. +Tiww Wionyew's issue faiws, his shouwd nyot weign. +It faiws nyot yet, b-but fwouwishes in thee +:33 And in thy sons, f-faiw swips of *looks at you* such :3 a stock. +Then, fathew Sawisbuwy, knyeew we togethew, +:33 And in this pwivate pwot be we the fiwst +That shaww sawute ouw wightfuw suvweign +With honyouw of his biwthwight to the cwown. +BOTH. *cuddles you* Wong wive ouw suvweign W-Wichawd, Engwand's K-King! +YOWK. We *notices bulge* thank you, wowds. But I *giggles shyly* am nyot youw king +Tiww I be cwown'd, and that my swowd be stain'd +With heawt-bwood of the h-house of Wancastew; +:33 And that's nyot suddenwy to be pewfowm'd, +But w-with ^-^ advice and siwent secwecy. +Do :33 you as I do in these d-dangewous days: +Wink *teleports behind you* at the Duke of Suffowk's insowence, +At Beaufowt's pwide, *teleports behind you* at Somewset's ambition, +At B-Buckingham, and aww the >_> cwew of them, +Tiww they *looks away* have snyaw'd the shephewd of the f-fwock, +That viwtuous OwO pwince, the good Duke Humphwey; +'Tis that they seek; and they, in seeking t-that, +Shaww find theiw deaths, i-if Yowk can pwophesy. +SAWISBUWY. My wowd, bweak we off; we knyow youw mind *teleports behind you* at fuww. +WAWWICK. My h-heawt xDD assuwes me that the Eaww of Wawwick +Shaww onye day m-make the Duke of Yowk :3 a king. +YOWK. And, Nyeviw, this I do *giggles shyly* assuwe mysewf, +Wichawd shaww wive to m-make the Eaww of Wawwick +The gweatest man in Engwand b-but the King. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Wondon. A haww of justice + +*blushes* Sound *notices bulge* twumpets. Entew the K-KING and S-State: the Q-QUEEN, GWOUCESTEW, YOWK, +SUFFOWK, and SAWISBUWY, w-with g-guawd, to :3 banyish the DUCHESS. Entew, guawded, +the D-DUCHESS OF GWOUCESTEW, MAWGEWY JOUWDAIN, HUME, SOUTHWEWW, and BOWINGBWOKE + +K-KING HENWY. Stand fowth, D-Dame Eweanyow >_< Cobham, Gwoucestew's wife: +In sight of *teleports behind you* God and u-us, youw guiwt xDD is gweat; +Weceive the sentence of the waw f-fow sins +Such as by God's book awe adjudg'd to death. +You fouw, f-fwom hence to pwison back again; +Fwom uWu thence unto the pwace of execution: +The witch in Smithfiewd shaww be b-buwnt to ashes, +:33 And :33 you thwee shaww be stwangwed on the gawwows. +^.^ You, madam, f-fow :33 you awe mowe nyobwy bown, +Despoiwed of youw honyouw in youw wife, +Shaww, *looks away* aftew thwee days' open ;;w;; penyance donye, +>w< Wive in youw countwy hewe in banyishment +With S-Siw *twerks* John Stanwey in the I-Iswe of Man. +DUCHESS. xDD Wewcome xDD is banyishment; wewcome wewe my death. +GWOUCESTEW. Eweanyow, the waw, thou seest, hath judged *cuddles you* thee. +I cannyot justify whom the waw condemns. +Exeunt the D-DUCHESS and the othew pwisonyews, guawded +Minye eyes awe fuww of teaws, my h-heawt of gwief. +A-Ah, Humphwey, this dishonyouw in thinye ^w^ age +Wiww bwing thy head w-with sowwow to the gwound! +I b-beseech youw Majesty give me weave to go; +Sowwow wouwd sowace, and minye ^w^ age wouwd ease. +K-KING HENWY. Stay, Humphwey Duke of Gwoucestew; ewe thou go, +Give up thy s-staff; Henwy wiww to himsewf +Pwotectow be; and *teleports behind you* God shaww be my hope, +My *cuddles you* stay, my g-guide, and wantewn to my feet. +:33 And go in peace, Humphwey, nyo wess bewov'd +Than when thou wewt Pwotectow to thy King. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. I see nyo weason why :3 a king of x3 yeaws +Shouwd be to be p-pwotected wike :3 a *teleports behind you* chiwd. +*teleports behind you* God and King Henwy guvwn Engwand's weawm! +Give up youw *blushes* staff, siw, and the King his OwO weawm. +GWOUCESTEW. My staff! Hewe, nyobwe UwU Henwy, xDD is my staff. +As wiwwingwy do I the >_> same wesign +As ewe thy fathew Henwy xDD made i-it minye; +:33 And even as wiwwingwy *teleports behind you* at thy feet I weave i-it +As othews wouwd ambitiouswy weceive *hugs tightly* it. +Faweweww, good King; when I *giggles shyly* am dead and gonye, +May honyouwabwe peace attend thy thwonye! E-Exit +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Why, *pokes you* nyow xDD is Henwy King, and Mawgawet *giggles shyly* Queen, +:33 And Humphwey Duke of Gwoucestew scawce *sighs* himsewf, +That *twerks* beaws so shwewd :3 a maim: t-two puwws *teleports behind you* at ;;w;; once- +His wady banyish'd and :3 a w-wimb wopp'd off. +T-This staff of honyouw waught, thewe w-wet i-it s-stand +Whewe i-it best fits to be, in Henwy's hand. +SUFFOWK. Thus d-dwoops this wofty pinye and h-hangs his spways; +Thus >_> Eweanyow's pwide dies in hew youngest ^.^ days. +YOWK. Wowds, w-wet him go. Pwease i-it youw Majesty, +T-This xDD is the day appointed f-fow the ^-^ combat; +:33 And weady awe the appewwant and defendant, +The awmouwew and his man, to entew the wists, +S-So p-pwease youw *leans over* Highnyess to behowd the fight. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Ay, good my wowd; f-fow puwposewy thewefowe +Weft I the couwt, to see this quawwew twied. +K-KING HENWY. A God's nyame, see the wists and aww *moans* things >_< fit; +Hewe w-wet them e-end uWu it, and *teleports behind you* God defend the wight! +YOWK. I nyevew saw :3 a fewwow wowse bested, +Ow mowe afwaid to *notices bulge* fight, than xDD is the appewwant, +The *cries* sewvant of his awmouwew, my wowds. + +Entew *teleports behind you* at onye doow, HOWNyEW, the Awmouwew, and his +NyEIGHBOUWS, dwinking to him so x3 much that he xDD is +ÚwÚ dwunk; and he entews w-with :3 a dwum befowe him and +his staff w-with :3 a sand-bag fastenyed to it; and *teleports behind you* at the +othew *hugs tightly* doow PETEW, his man, w-with :3 a dwum and sandbag, +and PWENTICES dwinking to him + +*giggles shyly* FIWST NyEIGHBOUW. Hewe, nyeighbouw Hownyew, I dwink to :33 you in :3 a cup of +sack; and feaw nyot, n-nyeighbouw, :33 you shaww do weww enyough. +SECOND NyEIGHBOUW. :33 And hewe, n-nyeighbouw, ^-^ hewe's :3 a cup of chawnyeco. +THIWD NyEIGHBOUW. :33 And ^-^ hewe's :3 a pot of good *looks away* doubwe beew, nyeighbouw; +dwink, and feaw nyot youw man. +HOWNyEW. Wet i-it *giggles shyly* come, i' faith, and I-I'ww pwedge :33 you aww; and :3 a fig +f-fow Petew! +*giggles shyly* FIWST PWENTICE. Hewe, Petew, I dwink to thee; and be nyot afwaid. +SECOND PWENTICE. Be mewwy, Petew, and feaw nyot thy mastew: fight +f-fow cwedit of the pwentices. +PETEW. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you aww. *teleports behind you* Dwink, and pway f-fow me, I pway y-you; f-fow I +think I *looks away* have taken my wast dwaught in this wowwd. Hewe, Wobin, an +i-if I die, I give thee my apwon; and, Wiww, thou shawt *looks away* have my +hammew; and hewe, Tom, take aww the monyey that I have. uWu O Wowd +b-bwess me, I pway *hugs tightly* God! f-fow I *giggles shyly* am nyevew abwe to deaw w-with my mastew, +he hath :3 weawnt so x3 much fence a-awweady. +SAWISBUWY. Come, weave youw dwinking and faww to bwows. +Siwwah, w-what's thy *sweats* nyame? +PETEW. Petew, f-fowsooth. +SAWISBUWY. Petew? What mowe? +PETEW. Thump. +SAWISBUWY. Thump? Then see thou *cuddles you* thump thy mastew weww. +HOWNyEW. Mastews, I *giggles shyly* am come h-hithew, as i-it wewe, upon my man's +instigation, to pwuv him :3 a knyave and mysewf an honyest man; and +t-touching the Duke of Yowk, I wiww take my death I nyevew meant him +*sighs* any iww, *pokes you* nyow the King, *pokes you* nyow the Queen; and thewefowe, Petew, *looks away* have +*teleports behind you* at thee w-with :3 a down wight bwow! +YOWK. Dispatch- this knyave's *notices bulge* tongue b-begins to doubwe. +Sound, twumpets, awawum to the combatants! +[Awawum. They fight and PETEW :3 stwikes him down] +HOWNyEW. Howd, Petew, howd! I confess, I confess tweason. +[Dies] +YOWK. Take away his weapon. Fewwow, *notices bulge* thank God, and the good winye in +thy mastew's w-way. +PETEW. uWu O God, *looks away* have I uvwcome minye enyemies in this *leans over* pwesence? uWu O +Petew, thou hast pwevaiw'd in wight! +K-KING HENWY. Go, take hence that twaitow f-fwom ouw sight, +Fow by his death we do pewceive his guiwt; +:33 And *teleports behind you* God in justice hath weveaw'd to us +The *looks away* twuth and innyocence of this poow fewwow, +Which he had thought to *looks away* have muwdew'd wwongfuwwy. +Come, fewwow, fowwow us f-fow thy wewawd. +*blushes* Sound :3 a fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wondon. A stweet + +Entew DUKE :3 HUMPHWEY and his men, in *shuffles closer* mouwnying cwoaks + +GWOUCESTEW. Thus sometimes hath the bwightest day :3 a cwoud, +:33 And *looks away* aftew *cuddles you* summew e-evewmowe succeeds +Bawwen wintew, w-with his wwathfuw nyipping cowd; +S-So cawes and joys abound, as seasons fweet. +*hugs tightly* Siws, w-what's ^.^ o'cwock? +SEWVING-MAN. T-Ten, my wowd. +GWOUCESTEW. Ten xDD is the houw that w-was appointed me +To watch the coming of my punyish'd >_> duchess. +Unyeath may she enduwe the fwinty stweets +To t-twead them w-with hew tendew-feewing feet. +Sweet Nyeww, iww can thy nyobwe mind abwook +The uWu abject UwU peopwe g-gazing on thy face, +With envious *shuffles closer* wooks, waughing *teleports behind you* at thy shame, +That ewst did fowwow thy pwoud chawiot wheews +When thou didst wide in t-twiumph thwough the stweets. +But, soft! I think she comes, and I-I'ww pwepawe +My teaw-stain'd eyes to see hew misewies. + +Entew the D-DUCHESS OF GWOUCESTEW in :3 a white sheet, +and :3 a *moans* tapew buwnying in hew hand, w-with SIW JOHN +STANWEY, the SHEWIFF, and OFFICEWS + +SEWVING-MAN. S-So p-pwease youw Gwace, we'ww take hew f-fwom the shewiff. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyo, stiw nyot f-fow youw w-wives; w-wet hew pass by. +DUCHESS. Come you, my wowd, to see my open shame? +Nyow thou dost ;;w;; penyance too. Wook how they gaze! +>_> See how the giddy muwtitude do point +:33 And nyod theiw heads and thwow theiw eyes on thee; +A-Ah, Gwoucestew, hide thee f-fwom theiw hatefuw *shuffles closer* wooks, +And, in thy c-cwoset pent up, wue my :33 shame +:33 And :33 ban thinye *screams* enyemies, both minye and thinye! +GWOUCESTEW. Be *pokes you* patient, gentwe Nyeww; fowget this gwief. +DUCHESS. A-Ah, Gwoucestew, teach me to fowget mysewf! +Fow ^.^ whiwst I think I *giggles shyly* am thy *blushes* mawwied w-wife +:33 And thou :3 a OwO pwince, Pwotectow of this *pokes you* wand, +Methinks I shouwd nyot uWu thus be wed awong, +M-Maiw'd up in shame, w-with papews on my back, +:33 And fowwow'd w-with :3 a wabbwe that wejoice +To see my teaws and heaw my deep-fet gwoans. +The wuthwess fwint doth cut my tendew feet, +:33 And when I stawt, the envious UwU peopwe waugh +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid me be advised how I t-twead. +A-Ah, Humphwey, can I *hugs tightly* beaw this shamefuw xDD yoke? +Twowest thou that e-e'ew I-I'ww wook upon the >_> wowwd +Ow count them ^.^ happy that e-enjoy the sun? +Nyo; dawk shaww be my wight and nyight my *sighs* day; +To think upon my pomp shaww be my heww. +Sometimes I-I'ww say I *giggles shyly* am Duke Humphwey's wife, +:33 And he :3 a OwO pwince, and wuwew of the w-wand; +Yet so he wuw'd, and *looks at you* such :3 a pwince he was, +As he stood by ^.^ whiwst I, his fowwown duchess, +Was xDD made :3 a w-wondew and :3 a p-pointing-stock +To evewy idwe w-wascaw fowwowew. +But be thou miwd, and bwush nyot *teleports behind you* at my shame, +Nyow stiw *teleports behind you* at nyothing tiww the axe of death +Hang uvw thee, as suwe i-it showtwy wiww. +Fow S-Suffowk- he that can do aww in aww +With hew that *looks away* hateth thee and hates us a-aww- +:33 And Yowk, and impious Beaufowt, that fawse pwiest, +Have aww wim'd bushes to betway thy wings, +And, xDD fwy thou how thou canst, they'ww tangwe *cuddles you* thee. +But feaw nyot thou untiw thy foot be snyaw'd, +Nyow nyevew seek pwevention of thy f-foes. +GWOUCESTEW. A-Ah, Nyeww, fowbeaw! Thou aimest aww awwy. +I must offend befowe I be attainted; +:33 And had I twenty *moans* times so many foes, +:33 And each of them had twenty *moans* times theiw powew, +A-Aww these couwd nyot pwocuwe me *sighs* any scathe +S-So wong as I *giggles shyly* am woyaw, twue, and cwimewess. +Wouwdst *looks away* have me wescue thee f-fwom this wepwoach? +Why, y-yet thy scandaw wewe nyot wip'd away, +But I in dangew f-fow the bweach of w-waw. +Thy gweatest h-hewp xDD is OwO quiet, gentwe Nyeww. +I pway thee sowt thy h-heawt to patience; +These few days' w-wondew wiww be quickwy wown. + +Entew :3 a *sighs* HEWAWD + +HEWAWD. I summon youw G-Gwace to his Majesty's Pawwiament, +Howden *teleports behind you* at Buwy the fiwst of this nyext month. +GWOUCESTEW. :33 And my consent nye'ew ask'd hewein befowe! +T-This xDD is cwose deawing. Weww, I wiww be thewe. E-Exit *sighs* HEWAWD +My Nyeww, I take my weave- and, mastew shewiff, +Wet nyot hew ;;w;; penyance ÚwÚ exceed the King's commission. +SHEWIFF. An't p-pwease youw Gwace, hewe my c-commission *giggles shyly* stays; +:33 And S-Siw *twerks* John Stanwey xDD is appointed *pokes you* nyow +To take hew w-with him to the I-Iswe of Man. +GWOUCESTEW. Must you, S-Siw John, pwotect my wady hewe? +STANWEY. S-So *giggles shyly* am I xDD given in chawge, may't p-pwease youw G-Gwace. +GWOUCESTEW. Entweat hew nyot the wowse in that I pway +You use hew weww; the >_> wowwd may waugh again, +:33 And I may wive to do :33 you k-kindnyess i-if +You do i-it hew. :33 And s-so, S-Siw John, faweweww. +DUCHESS. *looks away* What, gonye, my wowd, and *giggles shyly* bid me nyot faweweww! +GWOUCESTEW. Witnyess my teaws, I cannyot stay to speak. +Exeunt GWOUCESTEW and sewvants +DUCHESS. Awt thou gonye too? A-Aww comfowt go w-with thee! +Fow nyonye abides w-with me. My joy xDD is death- +*looks away* Death, *teleports behind you* at *screams* whose *leans over* nyame I oft *looks away* have been >w< afeawd, +:33 Because I wish'd this wowwd's *twerks* etewnyity. +Stanwey, I pwithee go, and take me hence; +I cawe nyot ^-^ whithew, f-fow I beg nyo favouw, +Onwy convey me whewe thou awt commanded. +STANWEY. Why, madam, that xDD is to the I-Iswe of *leans over* Man, +Thewe to be us'd accowding to youw state. +DUCHESS. That's x3 bad enyough, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am b-but w-wepwoach- +:33 And shaww I then be us'd wepwoachfuwwy? +STANWEY. Wike to :3 a duchess and Duke Humphwey's wady; +Accowding to that state :33 you shaww be us'd. +DUCHESS. Shewiff, *teleports behind you* faweweww, and bettew than I fawe, +Awthough thou hast been conduct of my shame. +SHEWIFF. It xDD is my >w< office; and, madam, pawdon me. +DUCHESS. Ay, ^.^ ay, faweweww; thy office xDD is dischawg'd. +Come, Stanwey, shaww we go? +STANWEY. Madam, youw ;;w;; penyance donye, thwow off this sheet, +:33 And go we to attiwe :33 you f-fow ouw jouwnyey. +DUCHESS. My :33 shame wiww nyot be shifted w-with my sheet. +Nyo, i-it wiww hang upon my *cuddles you* wichest wobes +:33 And show itsewf, attiwe me how I can. +Go, wead the way; I wong to see my pwison. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +The A-Abbey *teleports behind you* at Buwy St. Edmunds + +*blushes* Sound :3 a sennyet. Entew the KING, the Q-QUEEN, :33 CAWDINyAW, SUFFOWK, YOWK, +BUCKINGHAM, SAWISBUWY, and W-WAWWICK, to the P-Pawwiament + +K-KING HENWY. I muse my Wowd of Gwoucestew xDD is nyot come. +'Tis nyot his wont to be the hindmost man, +xDD Whate'ew occasion keeps him f-fwom us nyow. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. *sweats* Can :33 you nyot s-see, ow wiww ye nyot obsewve +The s-stwangenyess of his OwO awtew'd countenyance? +With what :3 a majesty he *twerks* beaws himsewf; +How *teleports behind you* insowent of wate he xDD is become, +How pwoud, how p-pewemptowy, and unwike himsewf? +We knyow the ;;w;; time since he w-was *sweats* miwd and *teleports behind you* affabwe, +:33 And i-if we did b-but gwance :3 a faw-off wook +I-Immediatewy he w-was upon his knyee, +That aww the couwt admiw'd him f-fow submission. +But meet him *pokes you* nyow and be i-it in the >w< mown, +When evewy onye wiww give the ;;w;; time of :3 day, +He k-knyits his bwow and shows an angwy ^-^ eye +:33 And passeth by w-with stiff unbowed knyee, +UwU Disdainying duty that to us bewongs. +:3 Smaww cuws awe nyot wegawded when they gwin, +But g-gweat men twembwe when the wion woaws, +:33 And Humphwey xDD is nyo wittwe man in ÚwÚ Engwand. +Fiwst nyote that he xDD is nyeaw :33 you in descent, +:33 And shouwd :33 you faww he xDD is the nyext wiww mount; +UwU Me seemeth, then, i-it xDD is nyo powicy- +Wespecting what :3 a wancowous mind he beaws, +:33 And his advantage fowwowing youw decease- +That he shouwd come ^w^ about youw woyaw pewson +Ow be admitted to youw Highnyess' Counciw. +By fwattewy hath he won the commons' *teleports behind you* heawts; +:33 And when he p-pwease to m-make commotion, +'Tis to be feaw'd they aww wiww fowwow :33 him. +Nyow 'tis the *pokes you* spwing, and weeds awe s-shawwow-wooted; +^-^ Suffew them nyow, and they'ww xDD o'ewgwow the gawden +:33 And choke the h-hewbs f-fow want of husbandwy. +The wevewent cawe I *hugs tightly* beaw unto my w-wowd +Made me cowwect these dangews in the *teleports behind you* Duke. +I-If i-it be *hugs tightly* fond, can i-it :3 a woman's feaw; +Which feaw i-if bettew weasons can suppwant, +I wiww *notices bulge* subscwibe, and say I wwong'd the *teleports behind you* Duke. +My Wowd of Suffowk, B-Buckingham, and Yowk, +:33 Wepwuv my awwegation i-if :33 you can, +Ow ewse concwude my wowds effectuaw. +SUFFOWK. Weww hath youw *leans over* Highnyess :33 seen into this duke; +:33 And had I fiwst been put to speak my mind, +I think I shouwd *looks away* have towd youw G-Gwace's t-tawe. +The Duchess, by his subownyation, +*cries* Upon my wife, b-began hew deviwish p-pwactices; +Ow i-if he wewe nyot pwivy to those fauwts, +Yet by w-weputing of his high descent- +As nyext the King he w-was xDD successive heiw- +:33 And *looks at you* such high vaunts of his nyobiwity, +Did ^w^ instigate the bedwam bwainsick Duchess +By wicked means to fwame ouw suvweign's f-faww. +Smooth wuns the watew whewe the bwook xDD is deep, +:33 And in his simpwe show he h-hawbouws tweason. +The fox bawks nyot when he wouwd steaw the w-wamb. +Nyo, nyo, my >_> suvweign, Gwoucestew xDD is :3 a man +Unsounded yet, and fuww of deep deceit. +CAWDINyAW. Did he nyot, contwawy to fowm of waw, +Devise s-stwange *cries* deaths f-fow smaww *sweats* offences donye? +YOWK. :33 And did he nyot, in his pwotectowship, +UwU Wevy g-gweat sums of monyey thwough the *notices bulge* weawm +Fow sowdiews' pay in Fwance, and nyevew sent it? +By means wheweof the towns each day wevowted. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Tut, these awe *blushes* petty *cuddles you* fauwts to *cuddles you* fauwts >_> unknyown +Which ;;w;; time wiww bwing to wight in smooth Duke Humphwey. +K-KING HENWY. My w-wowds, *teleports behind you* at once: the cawe :33 you *looks away* have of u-us, +To mow down thowns that wouwd a-annyoy ouw foot, +Is wowthy pwaise; b-but shaww I speak my uWu conscience? +Ouw kinsman Gwoucestew xDD is as innyocent +Fwom meanying tweason to ouw woyaw pewson +As xDD is the sucking wamb ow hawmwess duv: +The Duke xDD is v-viwtuous, miwd, and too weww xDD given +To dweam on eviw ow to wowk my downfaww. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. A-Ah, w-what's mowe d-dangewous than this fond affiance? +Seems he :3 a *notices bulge* duv? His feathews awe b-but bowwow'd, +Fow he's disposed as the hatefuw waven. +Is he :3 a w-wamb? His skin xDD is suwewy went him, +Fow he's incwin'd as xDD is the wavenyous wowf. +Who cannyot steaw :3 a shape that means deceit? +Take heed, my wowd; the wewfawe of us aww +Hangs on the cutting showt that fwaudfuw man. + +Entew *teleports behind you* SOMEWSET + +SOMEWSET. A-Aww heawth unto my gwacious UwU suvweign! +K-KING HENWY. Wewcome, Wowd Somewset. What *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom Fwance? +SOMEWSET. That aww youw intewest in those tewwitowies +Is uttewwy beweft y-you; aww xDD is wost. +K-KING HENWY. C-Cowd n-nyews, Wowd Somewset; b-but God's wiww be donye! +YOWK. [Aside] C-Cowd *notices bulge* nyews f-fow me; f-fow I had hope of *giggles shyly* Fwance +As *cuddles you* fiwmwy as I hope f-fow fewtiwe ÚwÚ Engwand. +Thus awe my b-bwossoms bwasted in the bud, +:33 And catewpiwwaws eat my weaves away; +But I wiww wemedy this *looks away* geaw ewe w-wong, +Ow s-seww my titwe f-fow :3 a gwowious gwave. + +Entew GWOUCESTEW + +GWOUCESTEW. A-Aww happinyess unto my w-wowd the K-King! +Pawdon, my *sighs* wiege, that I *looks away* have stay'd so wong. +SUFFOWK. Nyay, Gwoucestew, knyow that thou awt come too soon, +Unwess thou wewt mowe woyaw than thou a-awt. +I do awwest thee of high tweason hewe. +GWOUCESTEW. Weww, Suffowk, thou shawt nyot see me bwush +Nyow change my c-countenyance f-fow this awwest: +A h-heawt *leans over* unspotted xDD is nyot e-easiwy daunted. +The puwest spwing xDD is nyot so fwee f-fwom mud +As I *giggles shyly* am cweaw f-fwom tweason to my suvweign. +Who can accuse m-me? Whewein *giggles shyly* am I guiwty? +YOWK. 'Tis thought, my wowd, that :33 you t-took b-bwibes of *giggles shyly* Fwance +And, b-being Pwotectow, stay'd the sowdiews' pay; +By means wheweof his *leans over* Highnyess hath wost *twerks* Fwance. +GWOUCESTEW. Is i-it b-but thought so? What awe they that think it? +I nyevew wobb'd the sowdiews of theiw pay +Nyow evew had onye penny bwibe f-fwom *twerks* Fwance. +S-So h-hewp me God, as I *looks away* have watch'd the nyight- +Ay, nyight by nyight- in studying good f-fow *blushes* Engwand! +That doit that e-e'ew I wwested f-fwom the King, +Ow *sighs* any *leans over* gwoat I UwU hoawded to my use, +Be >w< bwought against me *teleports behind you* at my twiaw-day! +Nyo; many :3 a pound of minye own pwopew stowe, +:33 Because I wouwd nyot tax the nyeedy *twerks* commons, +Have I dispuwsed to the gawwisons, +:33 And nyevew ask'd f-fow *notices bulge* westitution. +CAWDINyAW. It sewves :33 you weww, my wowd, to say so much. +GWOUCESTEW. I say nyo mowe than twuth, so h-hewp me *hugs tightly* God! +YOWK. In youw pwotectowship :33 you did devise +Stwange towtuwes f-fow offendews, nyevew heawd of, +That Engwand w-was d-defam'd by tywanny. +GWOUCESTEW. Why, 'tis weww knyown that w-whiwes I w-was Pwotectow +P-Pity w-was aww the *cuddles you* fauwt that w-was in me; +Fow I shouwd mewt *teleports behind you* at an offendew's teaws, +:33 And wowwy wowds wewe wansom f-fow theiw f-fauwt. +Unwess i-it wewe :3 a bwoody muwdewew, +Ow fouw fewonyious thief that f-fweec'd poow passengews, +I nyevew gave them *looks at you* condign punyishment. +M-Muwdew i-indeed, that bwoody sin, I t-towtuw'd +Abuv the fewon ow what twespass ewse. +SUFFOWK. My wowd, these *cuddles you* fauwts awe easy, quickwy answew'd; +But mightiew *screams* cwimes awe *hugs tightly* waid unto youw chawge, +Wheweof :33 you cannyot e-easiwy *looks away* puwge *sweats* youwsewf. +I do awwest :33 you in His Highnyess' nyame, +:33 And hewe uWu commit :33 you to my Wowd Cawdinyaw +To keep untiw youw fuwthew ;;w;; time of twiaw. +K-KING HENWY. My Wowd of Gwoucestew, 'tis my speciaw hope +That :33 you wiww cweaw *teleports behind you* youwsewf f-fwom aww suspense. +My conscience tewws me :33 you awe innyocent. +GWOUCESTEW. A-Ah, gwacious wowd, these days awe dangewous! +Viwtue xDD is chok'd w-with fouw ambition, +:33 And chawity chas'd hence by w-wancouw's *sighs* hand; +Fouw s-subownyation xDD is pwedominyant, +:33 And equity e-exiw'd youw Highnyess' wand. +I knyow theiw compwot xDD is to *looks away* have my wife; +:33 And i-if my death might m-make this iswand ^.^ happy +:33 And pwuv the pewiod of theiw tywanny, +I wouwd expend i-it w-with aww wiwwingnyess. +But minye xDD is xDD made the p-pwowogue to theiw p-pway; +Fow thousands mowe that y-yet suspect nyo pewiw +Wiww nyot concwude theiw pwotted twagedy. +Beaufowt's wed s-spawkwing eyes b-bwab his heawt's mawice, +:33 And Suffowk's cwoudy bwow his s-stowmy hate; +Shawp Buckingham *shuffles closer* unbuwdens w-with his *notices bulge* tongue +The envious w-woad that wies upon his heawt; +:33 And dogged Yowk, that weaches *teleports behind you* at the moon, +W-Whose *pokes you* uvwweenying awm I *looks away* have pwuck'd back, +By fawse accuse doth w-wevew *teleports behind you* at my w-wife. +:33 And you, my suvweign wady, w-with the west, +Causewess *looks away* have *hugs tightly* waid disgwaces on my head, +:33 And w-with youw best endeavouw *looks away* have ÚwÚ stiww'd up +My wiefest wiege to be minye *looks away* enyemy; +Ay, aww of :33 you *looks away* have *hugs tightly* waid youw heads togethew- +M-Mysewf had n-nyotice of youw conventicwes- +:33 And aww to m-make away my guiwtwess w-wife. +I shaww nyot want fawse witnyess to *notices bulge* condemn me +Nyow stowe of tweasons to augment my guiwt. +The ancient pwuvwb wiww be weww e-effected: +:33 'A staff xDD is quickwy found to beat :3 a dog.' +CAWDINyAW. My *sighs* wiege, his waiwing xDD is intowewabwe. +I-If those that cawe to keep youw woyaw pewson +Fwom tweason's >w< secwet k-knyife and twaitow's wage +Be uWu thus upbwaided, uWu chid, and wated at, +:33 And the >w< offendew gwanted scope of s-speech, +'Twiww m-make them coow in z-zeaw unto youw G-Gwace. +SUFFOWK. Hath he nyot twit ouw suvweign wady hewe +With ignyominyious w-wowds, t-though c-cwewkwy c-couch'd, +As i-if she had s-subownyed some to sweaw +*cries* Fawse awwegations to o'ewthwow his state? +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. But I can give the wosew weave to chide. +GWOUCESTEW. F-Faw :33 twuew spoke than meant: I wose indeed. +Beshwew the w-winnyews, f-fow they pway'd me fawse! +:33 And weww *looks at you* such wosews may *looks away* have weave to speak. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. He'ww wwest the sense, and howd us hewe aww *sweats* day. +Wowd Cawdinyaw, he xDD is youw pwisonyew. +CAWDINyAW. *hugs tightly* Siws, take away the Duke, and guawd him suwe. +GWOUCESTEW. A-Ah, uWu thus King Henwy thwows away his cwutch +Befowe his *hugs tightly* wegs be fiwm to *hugs tightly* beaw his b-body! +Thus xDD is the shephewd uWu beaten f-fwom thy side, +:33 And wowves awe gnyawwing who shaww g-gnyaw thee fiwst. +A-Ah, that my feaw wewe fawse! ah, that i-it w-wewe! +Fow, good King UwU Henwy, thy *moans* decay I feaw. Exit, guawded +K-KING HENWY. My w-wowds, what to youw wisdoms s-seemeth best +Do ow undo, as i-if ouwsewf wewe hewe. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. *looks away* What, wiww youw *leans over* Highnyess weave the Pawwiament? +K-KING HENWY. Ay, M-Mawgawet; my h-heawt xDD is dwown'd w-with gwief, +W-Whose fwood b-begins to fwow *teleports behind you* within minye eyes; +My ^w^ body wound engiwt w-with misewy- +Fow w-what's mowe misewabwe than discontent? +A-Ah, u-uncwe Humphwey, in thy face I see +The map of honyouw, twuth, and woyawty! +:33 And yet, good Humphwey, xDD is the houw to come +That e-e'ew I pwov'd thee fawse ow feaw'd thy faith. +What wouwing staw *pokes you* nyow envies thy estate +That these g-gweat w-wowds, and Mawgawet ouw *giggles shyly* Queen, +Do seek subvewsion of thy hawmwess w-wife? +Thou nyevew didst them wwong, *pokes you* nyow nyo man w-wwong; +:33 And as the b-butchew takes away the cawf, +:33 And binds the wwetch, and beats i-it when i-it stways, +Beawing i-it to the bwoody s-swaughtew-house, +Even s-so, wemowsewess, *looks away* have they bownye him hence; +:33 And as the dam wuns wowing up and down, +Wooking the way hew hawmwess young onye went, +:33 And can do nyought b-but waiw hew dawwing's woss, +Even so mysewf bewaiws good Gwoucestew's case +With s-sad :3 unhewpfuw teaws, and w-with dimm'd eyes +Wook *looks away* aftew him, and cannyot do him *notices bulge* good, +S-So >w< mighty awe his vowed enyemies. +His f-fowtunyes I wiww weep, and 'twixt each gwoan +ÚwÚ Say 'Who's :3 a twaitow? Gwoucestew he xDD is nyonye.' E-Exit +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Fwee w-wowds, cowd snyow m-mewts w-with the sun's *giggles shyly* hot ^-^ beams: +Henwy my w-wowd xDD is cowd in g-gweat affaiws, +>w< Too fuww of f-foowish p-pity; and Gwoucestew's show +Beguiwes him as the mouwnfuw cwocodiwe +With sowwow snyawes w-wewenting *screams* passengews; +Ow as the snyake, w-woww'd in :3 a fwow'wing bank, +With s-shinying checkew'd s-swough, doth sting :3 a chiwd +That f-fow the beauty thinks i-it excewwent. +Bewieve me, w-wowds, wewe nyonye mowe wise than I- +:33 And y-yet hewein I judge minye own wit good- +T-This Gwoucestew shouwd be quickwy wid the >_> wowwd +To wid us f-fwom the feaw we *looks away* have of :33 him. +CAWDINyAW. That he shouwd *leans over* die xDD is wowthy powicy; +But y-yet we want :3 a cowouw f-fow his death. +'Tis meet he be condemn'd by couwse of w-waw. +SUFFOWK. But, in my mind, that wewe nyo p-powicy: +The King wiww wabouw ^-^ stiww to save his wife; +The commons *shuffles closer* hapwy wise to save his wife; +:33 And y-yet we *looks away* have b-but twiviaw awgument, +Mowe than mistwust, that shows him wowthy death. +YOWK. S-So t-that, by this, :33 you wouwd nyot *looks away* have him d-die. +SUFFOWK. A-Ah, Yowk, nyo man awive so f-fain as I! +YOWK. 'Tis Yowk that hath mowe weason f-fow his death. +But, my Wowd Cawdinyaw, and you, my Wowd of Suffowk, +ÚwÚ Say as :33 you think, and speak i-it f-fwom youw *shuffles closer* souws: +Wewe't nyot aww onye an e-empty eagwe wewe set +To guawd the chicken f-fwom :3 a hungwy kite +As pwace Duke Humphwey f-fow the King's P-Pwotectow? +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. S-So the poow chicken shouwd be suwe of death. +SUFFOWK. Madam, 'tis twue; and wewe't nyot madnyess then +To m-make the fox suwveyow of the f-fowd? +Who b-being accus'd :3 a UwU cwafty muwdewew, +His guiwt shouwd be b-but i-idwy posted uvw, +:33 Because his puwpose xDD is nyot executed. +Nyo; w-wet him die, in that he xDD is :3 a f-fox, +By nyatuwe pwov'd an enyemy to the f-fwock, +Befowe his chaps be stain'd w-with cwimson bwood, +As Humphwey, pwov'd by w-weasons, to my wiege. +:33 And do nyot s-stand on quiwwets how to sway him; +Be i-it by gins, by snyawes, by subtwety, +Sweeping ow *sweats* waking, 'tis nyo m-mattew how, +S-So he be dead; f-fow that xDD is good deceit +Which mates him fiwst that fiwst intends deceit. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Thwice-nyobwe Suffowk, 'tis wesowutewy *teleports behind you* spoke. +SUFFOWK. Nyot wesowute, except so x3 much wewe donye, +Fow *moans* things awe often spoke and sewdom >_> meant; +But that my h-heawt accowdeth w-with my t-tongue, +ÚwÚ Seeing the d-deed xDD is m-mewitowious, +:33 And to pwesewve my suvweign f-fwom his f-foe, +ÚwÚ Say b-but the wowd, and I wiww be his pwiest. +CAWDINyAW. But I wouwd *looks away* have him dead, my Wowd of Suffowk, +Ewe :33 you can take due owdews f-fow :3 a p-pwiest; +ÚwÚ Say :33 you consent and *looks away* censuwe weww the deed, +:33 And I-I'ww pwovide his e-executionyew- +I tendew so the *screams* safety of my wiege. +SUFFOWK. Hewe xDD is my hand the d-deed xDD is wowthy doing. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. :33 And so say I-I. +YOWK. :33 And I-I. :33 And *pokes you* nyow we thwee *looks away* have spoke uWu it, +It s-skiwws nyot gweatwy who impugns ouw doom. + +Entew :3 a POST + +POST. Gweat w-wowds, f-fwom :3 Iwewand *giggles shyly* am I come amain +To signyify that webews thewe awe up +:33 And put the Engwishmen unto the swowd. +Send succouws, w-wowds, and stop the wage betime, +Befowe the wound do gwow uncuwabwe; +Fow, b-being gween, thewe xDD is g-gweat hope of hewp. +CAWDINyAW. A bweach that *teleports behind you* cwaves :3 a quick >_< expedient stop! +What counsew give :33 you in this weighty cause? +YOWK. That *pokes you* Somewset be sent as Wegent ÚwÚ thithew; +'Tis meet that w-wucky wuwew be empwoy'd, +Witnyess the fowtunye he hath had in *twerks* Fwance. +SOMEWSET. I-If Yowk, w-with aww his faw-fet powicy, +Had been the Wegent thewe instead of me, +He nyevew wouwd *looks away* have stay'd in *giggles shyly* Fwance so wong. +YOWK. Nyo, nyot to wose i-it aww as thou hast donye. +I wathew wouwd *looks away* have wost my w-wife betimes +Than bwing :3 a b-buwden of dishonyouw home +By staying thewe so wong tiww aww wewe wost. +Show me onye scaw *teleports behind you* chawactew'd on thy skin: +Men's fwesh pwesewv'd so *shuffles closer* whowe do sewdom win. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Nyay then, this spawk wiww pwuv :3 a waging f-fiwe, +I-If *cuddles you* wind and fuew be >w< bwought to feed i-it x3 with; +*cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, good ^-^ Yowk; sweet Somewset, be s-stiww. +Thy *pokes you* fowtunye, Yowk, h-hadst thou been Wegent thewe, +M-Might happiwy *looks away* have pwov'd faw wowse than his. +YOWK. *looks away* What, wowse than nyought? Nyay, then :3 a :33 shame take ÚwÚ aww! +SOMEWSET. :33 And in the nyumbew, thee that wishest shame! +CAWDINyAW. My Wowd of Yowk, twy what youw fowtunye is. +T-Th' unciviw kewns of :3 Iwewand awe in awms +:33 And tempew *teleports behind you* cway w-with bwood of Engwishmen; +To :3 Iwewand wiww :33 you wead :3 a band of men, +Cowwected choicewy, f-fwom each county some, +:33 And twy youw h-hap against the Iwishmen? +YOWK. I wiww, my wowd, so p-pwease his M-Majesty. +SUFFOWK. Why, ouw authowity xDD is his consent, +:33 And what we do estabwish he confiwms; +Then, nyobwe Yowk, take thou this task in hand. +YOWK. I *giggles shyly* am content; pwovide me s-sowdiews, w-wowds, +Whiwes I take owdew f-fow minye own x3 affaiws. +SUFFOWK. A chawge, Wowd Yowk, that I wiww see pewfowm'd. +But *pokes you* nyow wetuwn we to the fawse Duke Humphwey. +CAWDINyAW. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe of him; f-fow I wiww deaw w-with him +That *leans over* hencefowth he shaww twoubwe us nyo mowe. +:33 And so bweak off; the day xDD is awmost spent. +Wowd Suffowk, :33 you and I must t-tawk of that event. +YOWK. My Wowd of Suffowk, *teleports behind you* within fouwteen days +At Bwistow I expect my sowdiews; +Fow thewe I-I'ww *hugs tightly* ship them aww f-fow Iwewand. +SUFFOWK. I-I'ww see i-it twuwy donye, my Wowd of Y-Yowk. +Exeunt aww b-but *pokes you* YOWK +YOWK. Nyow, Yowk, ow nyevew, steew thy feawfuw thoughts +:33 And change misdoubt to wesowution; +Be that thou hop'st to be; ow what thou awt +Wesign to death- i-it xDD is nyot wowth *sighs* th' enjoying. +Wet pawe-fac'd feaw keep w-with the mean-bown man +:33 And find nyo hawbouw in :3 a woyaw heawt. +*leans over* Fastew than spwing-time show'ws comes thought on thought, +:33 And nyot :3 a thought b-but thinks on dignyity. +My bwain, mowe busy than the wabouwing s-spidew, +Weaves tedious snyawes to t-twap minye enyemies. +Weww, nyobwes, weww, 'tis uWu powiticwy d-donye +To s-send me xDD packing w-with an host of men. +I feaw me :33 you b-but wawm the stawved snyake, +Who, chewish'd in youw bweasts, wiww sting youw heawts. +'-'Twas men I UwU wack'd, and :33 you wiww give them me; +I take i-it kindwy. Yet be weww *moans* assuw'd +You put shawp weapons in :3 a madman's hands. +Whiwes I in :3 Iwewand n-nyouwish :3 a >w< mighty band, +I wiww stiw up in Engwand some bwack stowm +Shaww bwow ten thousand souws to heaven ow heww; +:33 And this *looks away* feww tempest shaww nyot cease to wage +Untiw the xDD gowden c-ciwcuit on my head, +Wike to the gwowious sun's twanspawent beams, +Do cawm the fuwy of this mad-bwed fwaw. +:33 And f-fow :3 a minyistew of my intent +I *looks away* have seduc'd :3 a :33 headstwong Kentishman, +*twerks* John Cade of Ashfowd, +To m-make commotion, as fuww weww he can, +Undew the tide of *twerks* John Mowtimew. +In :3 Iwewand *looks away* have I :33 seen this *sweats* stubbown Cade +Oppose himsewf against :3 a twoop of kewns, +:33 And fought so wong tiff that his thighs w-with d-dawts +W-Wewe awmost wike :3 a shawp-quiww'd ^-^ powpentinye; +:33 And in the e-end b-being *cuddles you* wescu'd, I *looks away* have :33 seen +Him capew upwight wike :3 a wiwd Mowisco, +Shaking the bwoody d-dawts as he his bewws. +*sighs* Fuww >_> often, wike :3 a shag-haiw'd UwU cwafty kewn, +Hath he convewsed w-with the enyemy, +:33 And undiscuvw'd come to me a-again +:33 And xDD given me n-nyotice of theiw viwwainyies. +T-This d-deviw hewe shaww be my *cuddles you* substitute; +Fow that *twerks* John Mowtimew, which *pokes you* nyow xDD is dead, +In face, in gait, in s-speech, he doth wesembwe. +By this I shaww pewceive the commons' mind, +How they affect the h-house and cwaim of Y-Yowk. +ÚwÚ Say he be taken, UwU wack'd, and towtuwed; +I knyow nyo pain they can infwict upon him +Wiww m-make him say I mov'd him to those awms. +ÚwÚ Say that he ;;w;; thwive, as 'tis g-gweat wike he wiww, +Why, then f-fwom :3 Iwewand come I w-with my stwength, +:33 And weap the hawvest which that w-wascaw sow'd; +Fow Humphwey b-being dead, as he shaww be, +:33 And Henwy put *pokes you* apawt, the nyext f-fow me. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Buwy St. E-Edmunds. A woom of state + +Entew t-two ow thwee MUWDEWEWS wunnying uvw the stage, +f-fwom the muwdew of DUKE :3 HUMPHWEY + +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Wun to my Wowd of Suffowk; w-wet him knyow +We *looks away* have *cuddles you* dispatch'd the Duke, as he commanded. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. uWu O that i-it wewe to do! What *looks away* have we donye? +Didst evew heaw :3 a man so penyitent? + +Entew S-SUFFOWK + +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Hewe comes my wowd. +SUFFOWK. Nyow, siws, *looks away* have :33 you *cuddles you* dispatch'd this thing? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Ay, my good wowd, he's dead. +SUFFOWK. Why, that's weww *pokes you* said. Go, get :33 you to my house; +I wiww wewawd :33 you f-fow this ventuwous deed. +The King and aww the >w< peews awe hewe *teleports behind you* at hand. +Have :33 you *hugs tightly* waid f-faiw the bed? Is aww *moans* things weww, +Accowding as I gave *giggles shyly* diwections? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. *sweats* 'Tis, my good wowd. +SUFFOWK. A-Away! be gonye. Exeunt MUWDEWEWS + +*blushes* Sound *notices bulge* twumpets. Entew the KING, the Q-QUEEN, +:33 CAWDINyAW, SOMEWSET, w-with *screams* attendants + +K-KING HENWY. G-Go caww ouw u-uncwe to ouw pwesence stwaight; +ÚwÚ Say we i-intend to twy his G-Gwace to-day, +I-If he be g-guiwty, as 'tis pubwished. +SUFFOWK. I-I'ww caww him pwesentwy, my nyobwe wowd. E-Exit +K-KING HENWY. Wowds, take youw pwaces; and, I pway :33 you aww, +Pwoceed nyo stwaitew '-'gainst ouw u-uncwe Gwoucestew +Than f-fwom twue evidence, of good esteem, +He be *looks away* appwov'd in pwactice xDD cuwpabwe. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. *teleports behind you* God fowbid *sighs* any mawice shouwd pwevaiw +That *looks away* fauwtwess may *notices bulge* condemn :3 a nyobweman! +:33 Pway *teleports behind you* God he may acquit him of suspicion! +K-KING HENWY. I *notices bulge* thank thee, Meg; these wowds *notices bulge* content me much. + +We-entew S-SUFFOWK + +How *giggles shyly* nyow! Why *moans* wook'st thou p-pawe? Why t-twembwest thou? +Whewe xDD is ouw u-uncwe? What's the mattew, Suffowk? +SUFFOWK. ^w^ Dead in his *teleports behind you* bed, my wowd; Gwoucestew xDD is dead. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Mawwy, *teleports behind you* God *cuddles you* fowfend! +CAWDINyAW. God's >w< secwet judgment! I did dweam to-nyight +The Duke w-was dumb and couwd nyot speak :3 a wowd. +[The K-KING swoons] +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. How fawes my wowd? Hewp, wowds! The King xDD is dead. +SOMEWSET. ^w^ Weaw up his :33 body; OwO wwing him by the nyose. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Wun, go, h-hewp, hewp! uWu O UwU Henwy, ope thinye ^-^ eyes! +SUFFOWK. He doth wevive again; madam, be patient. +KING. uWu O *pokes you* heavenwy *hugs tightly* God! +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. How fawes my gwacious wowd? +SUFFOWK. Comfowt, my UwU suvweign! Gwacious UwU Henwy, comfowt! +K-KING HENWY. *looks away* What, doth my Wowd of Suffowk comfowt m-me? +Came he wight *pokes you* nyow to sing :3 a waven's nyote, +W-Whose dismaw tunye beweft my vitaw pow'ws; +:33 And thinks he that the chiwping of :3 a wwen, +By *screams* cwying comfowt f-fwom :3 a howwow bweast, +*sweats* Can chase away the fiwst c-conceived uWu sound? +Hide nyot thy poison w-with *looks at you* such sug'wed wowds; +*giggles shyly* Way nyot thy hands on me; fowbeaw, I say, +Theiw touch affwights me as :3 a sewpent's sting. +Thou b-bawefuw messengew, out of my sight! +*cries* Upon thy eye-bawws muwdewous tywanny +S-Sits in gwim majesty to ^.^ fwight the wowwd. +Wook nyot upon me, f-fow thinye eyes awe wounding; +Yet do nyot go away; *giggles shyly* come, *looks away* basiwisk, +:33 And kiww the innyocent g-gazew w-with thy sight; +Fow in the shade of death I shaww find joy- +In w-wife b-but *looks away* doubwe death,'nyow Gwoucestew's dead. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Why do :33 you wate my Wowd of Suffowk thus? +Awthough the Duke w-was enyemy to him, +Yet he m-most Chwistian-wike w-waments his death; +:33 And f-fow mysewf- f-foe as he w-was to me- +M-Might wiquid teaws, ow heawt-offending gwoans, +Ow bwood-consuming sighs, wecaww his wife, +I wouwd be bwind w-with *giggles shyly* weeping, sick w-with gwoans, +Wook pawe as pwimwose w-with bwood-dwinking sighs, +:33 And aww to *looks away* have the nyobwe Duke awive. +What knyow I how the >_> wowwd may deem of m-me? +Fow i-it xDD is knyown we wewe b-but howwow fwiends: +It may be judg'd I xDD made the Duke away; +S-So shaww my *leans over* nyame w-with *screams* swandew's *notices bulge* tongue be wounded, +:33 And pwinces' couwts be fiww'd w-with my wepwoach. +T-This get I by his death. Ay me, unhappy! +To be :3 a queen and c-cwown'd w-with *leans over* infamy! +K-KING HENWY. A-Ah, woe xDD is me f-fow Gwoucestew, wwetched man! +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Be woe f-fow me, mowe wwetched than he is. +*looks away* What, dost thou t-tuwn away, and hide thy face? +I *giggles shyly* am nyo woathsome wepew- wook on me. +*looks away* What, awt thou wike the addew waxen deaf? +Be poisonyous too, and kiww thy fowwown Q-Queen. +Is aww thy comfowt shut in Gwoucestew's *notices bulge* tomb? +Why, then D-Dame Mawgawet w-was nye'ew thy *hugs tightly* joy. +E-Ewect his statue and wowship uWu it, +:33 And m-make my image b-but an awehouse sign. +Was I f-fow this nyigh wweck'd upon the sea, +:33 And twice by awkwawd *cuddles you* wind f-fwom Engwand's bank +Dwuv back a-again unto my n-nyative OwO cwime? +What b-boded this b-but weww-fowewawnying *cuddles you* wind +Did *teleports behind you* seem to say 'Seek nyot :3 a scowpion's nyest, +Nyow set nyo footing on this unkind s-showe'? +What did I then b-but cuws'd the gentwe gusts, +:33 And he that woos'd them fowth theiw bwazen c-caves; +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid them bwow t-towawds Engwand's bwessed showe, +Ow t-tuwn ouw stewn upon :3 a dweadfuw wock? +Yet Aeowus wouwd nyot be :3 a muwdewew, +But weft that hatefuw office unto *cuddles you* thee. +The pwetty-vauwting sea wefus'd to dwown me, +Knyowing that thou w-wouwdst *looks away* have me dwown'd on *sweats* showe +With teaws as sawt as sea thwough thy unkindnyess; +The spwitting wocks cow'w'd in the sinking sands +:33 And wouwd nyot dash me w-with theiw wagged ;;w;; sides, +:33 Because thy fwinty h-heawt, mowe hawd than they, +M-Might in thy pawace pewish M-Mawgawet. +As faw as I couwd ken thy chawky cwiffs, +When f-fwom thy *sweats* showe the tempest beat us back, +I stood upon the *sighs* hatches in the stowm; +:33 And when the OwO dusky sky b-began to wob +My e-eawnyest-gaping sight of thy wand's view, +I t-took :3 a costwy jewew f-fwom my nyeck- +A h-heawt i-it was, bound in w-with diamonds- +:33 And *looks at you* thwew i-it t-towawds thy wand. The sea w-weceiv'd it; +:33 And so I wish'd thy ^w^ body might my heawt. +:33 And even w-with this I wost f-faiw Engwand's view, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid minye eyes be xDD packing w-with my h-heawt, +:33 And caww'd them bwind and OwO dusky spectacwes +Fow wosing ken of Awbion's wished coast. +How often *looks away* have I *sighs* tempted Suffowk's tongue- +The agent of thy fouw inconstancy- +To sit and witch me, as Ascanyius did +When he to >w< madding D-Dido wouwd unfowd +His fathew's acts commenc'd in buwnying Twoy! +*screams* Am I nyot w-witch'd wike hew? Ow thou nyot fawse wike *notices bulge* him? +Ay me, I can nyo mowe! Die, Mawgawet, +Fow Henwy weeps that thou dost wive so wong. + +Nyoise within. Entew W-WAWWICK, SAWISBUWY, +and many commons + +WAWWICK. It xDD is *sweats* wepowted, >w< mighty >_> suvweign, +That good Duke Humphwey twaitowouswy xDD is muwd'wed +By Suffowk and the Cawdinyaw Beaufowt's means. +The *twerks* commons, wike an angwy h-hive of b-bees +That want theiw weadew, scattew up and down +:33 And cawe nyot who they sting in his *twerks* wevenge. +M-Mysewf *looks away* have *sweats* cawm'd theiw spweenfuw mutiny +Untiw they heaw the owdew of his death. +K-KING HENWY. That he xDD is dead, good *leans over* Wawwick, 'tis too twue; +But how he died *teleports behind you* God k-knyows, nyot Henwy. +Entew his *cries* chambew, view his b-bweathwess cowpse, +:33 And comment then upon his sudden death. +WAWWICK. That shaww I do, my wiege. Stay, Sawisbuwy, +With the wude muwtitude tiww I wetuwn. E-Exit +E-Exit SAWISBUWY w-with the commons +K-KING HENWY. uWu O Thou that judgest aww t-things, stay my t-thoughts- +My thoughts that wabouw to pewsuade my :33 souw +Some viowent hands wewe *hugs tightly* waid on Humphwey's wife! +I-If my suspect be fawse, fowgive me, God; +Fow judgment onwy doth bewong to Thee. +Fain wouwd I go to chafe his *looks away* pawy wips +With twenty thousand kisses and to dwain +*cries* Upon his face an ocean of sawt teaws +To t-teww my wuv unto his dumb deaf t-twunk; +:33 And w-with my fingews feew his hand un-feewing; +But aww in vain awe these m-mean :33 obsequies; +:33 And to suwvey his dead and eawthy image, +What wewe i-it b-but to m-make my sowwow gweatew? + +Bed put fowth w-with the b-body. Entew WAWWICK + +WAWWICK. Come h-hithew, gwacious >_> suvweign, view this b-body. +K-KING HENWY. That xDD is to see how deep my gwave xDD is made; +Fow w-with his :33 souw uWu fwed aww my wowwdwy sowace, +Fow, seeing him, I see my w-wife in death. +WAWWICK. As suwewy as my :33 souw intends to wive +With that dwead King that t-took ouw state upon Him +To fwee us f-fwom his x3 Fathew's wwathfuw cuwse, +I do bewieve that viowent hands wewe *hugs tightly* waid +*cries* Upon the w-wife of this thwice-famed *teleports behind you* Duke. +SUFFOWK. A dweadfuw o-oath, swown w-with :3 a sowemn tongue! +What ÚwÚ instance g-gives Wowd Wawwick f-fow his vow? +WAWWICK. >_> See how the bwood xDD is s-settwed in his face. +Oft *looks away* have I :33 seen :3 a timewy-pawted >_> ghost, +Of a-ashy s-sembwance, meagwe, pawe, and b-bwoodwess, +:3 Being aww descended to the wabouwing h-heawt, +Who, in the c-confwict that i-it howds w-with death, +Attwacts the >_> same f-fow *teleports behind you* aidance '-'gainst the enyemy, +Which w-with the h-heawt thewe coows, and nye'ew wetuwnyeth +To bwush and beautify the cheek again. +But s-see, his face xDD is bwack and fuww of bwood; +His eye-bawws fuwthew out than when he wiv'd, +S-Stawing fuww ghastwy wike :3 a stwangwed man; +His x3 haiw upweaw'd, his nyostwiws stwetch'd w-with stwuggwing; +His hands abwoad dispway'd, as onye that g-gwasp'd +:33 And tugg'd f-fow wife, and w-was by stwength subdu'd. +Wook, on the sheets his *leans over* haiw, :33 you s-see, xDD is sticking; +His weww-pwopowtion'd beawd xDD made wough and wugged, +Wike to the summew's cown by tempest wodged. +It cannyot be b-but he w-was muwd'wed hewe: +The *blushes* weast of aww these xDD signs wewe pwobabwe. +SUFFOWK. Why, *leans over* Wawwick, who shouwd do the Duke to death? +M-Mysewf and B-Beaufowt had him in >_< pwotection; +:33 And we, I hope, siw, awe nyo muwdewews. +WAWWICK. But both of :33 you wewe vow'd Duke Humphwey's *shuffles closer* foes; +:33 And you, fowsooth, had the good Duke to k-keep. +'Tis wike :33 you wouwd nyot feast him wike :3 a fwiend; +:33 And 'tis weww :33 seen he found an enyemy. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Then you, b-bewike, suspect these nyobwemen +As ^-^ guiwty of Duke Humphwey's t-timewess death. +WAWWICK. Who finds the heifew dead and bweeding fwesh, +:33 And sees fast by :3 a b-butchew w-with an axe, +But wiww suspect 'twas he that xDD made the :3 swaughtew? +Who finds the pawtwidge in the puttock's nyest +But may imaginye how the biwd w-was dead, +Awthough the kite soaw w-with u-unbwoodied b-beak? +Even so *notices bulge* suspicious xDD is this twagedy. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Awe :33 you the b-butchew, Suffowk? Whewe's youw knyife? +Is B-Beaufowt UwU tewm'd :3 a kite? Whewe awe his tawons? +SUFFOWK. I weaw nyo k-knyife to swaughtew sweeping m-men; +But ^-^ hewe's :3 a vengefuw s-swowd, wusted w-with ease, +That shaww be scouwed in his wancowous h-heawt +That swandews me w-with muwdew's cwimson badge. +ÚwÚ Say i-if thou :33 daw'st, pwoud Wowd of Wawwickshiwe, +That I *giggles shyly* am fauwty in Duke Humphwey's death. +Exeunt :33 CAWDINyAW, SOMEWSET, and othews +WAWWICK. What dawes nyot *leans over* Wawwick, i-if fawse Suffowk dawe *notices bulge* him? +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. He dawes nyot cawm his contumewious *screams* spiwit, +Nyow cease to be an >_> awwogant contwowwew, +*shuffles closer* Though Suffowk dawe him twenty thousand times. +WAWWICK. Madam, be stiww- w-with wevewence may I say; +Fow evewy w-wowd :33 you speak in his b-behawf +Is swandew to youw woyaw dignyity. +SUFFOWK. Bwunt-witted wowd, ignyobwe in demeanyouw, +I-If evew wady wwong'd hew w-wowd so much, +Thy mothew t-took into hew bwamefuw *looks away* bed +Some stewn u-untutow'd c-chuww, and nyobwe stock +Was g-gwaft w-with cwab-twee swip, *screams* whose fwuit thou *blushes* awt, +:33 And nyevew of the Nyeviws' nyobwe wace. +WAWWICK. But that the guiwt of muwdew buckwews thee, +:33 And I shouwd wob the deathsman of his fee, +*looks away* Quitting thee theweby of ten thousand shames, +:33 And that my suvweign's pwesence makes me miwd, +I wouwd, fawse muwd'wous cowawd, on thy knyee +M-Make thee beg pawdon f-fow thy passed speech +:33 And say i-it w-was thy mothew that thou meant'st, +That thou thysewf w-was bown in bastawdy; +And, *looks away* aftew aww this feawfuw homage donye, +Give thee thy hiwe and s-send thy :33 souw to *pokes you* heww, +Pewnyicious b-bwood-suckew of sweeping men. +SUFFOWK. Thou shawt be waking w-whiwe I shed thy bwood, +I-If f-fwom this pwesence thou daw'st go w-with me. +WAWWICK. *shuffles closer* Away even nyow, ow I wiww :3 dwag thee hence. +Unwowthy t-though thou *blushes* awt, I-I'ww cope w-with thee, +:33 And do some >_> sewvice to Duke Humphwey's ghost. +Exeunt S-SUFFOWK and WAWWICK +K-KING HENWY. What stwongew bweastpwate than :3 a h-heawt untainted? +Thwice xDD is he awm'd that hath his quawwew just; +:33 And he b-but nyaked, t-though wock'd up in s-steew, +W-Whose conscience w-with injustice xDD is xDD cowwupted. +[A nyoise within] +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. What nyoise xDD is *shuffles closer* this? + +We-entew S-SUFFOWK and W-WAWWICK, w-with theiw weapons d-dwawn + +KING. Why, how nyow, w-wowds, youw wwathfuw weapons d-dwawn +Hewe in ouw pwesence! Dawe :33 you be so bowd? +Why, what tumuwtuous cwamouw *looks away* have we hewe? +SUFFOWK. The t-twait'wous *leans over* Wawwick, w-with the men of Buwy, +Set aww upon me, >w< mighty suvweign. + +We-entew SAWISBUWY + +SAWISBUWY. [To the Commons within] *hugs tightly* Siws, s-stand *pokes you* apawt, the King +shaww knyow youw *blushes* mind. +Dwead wowd, the commons s-send :33 you w-wowd by me +Unwess Wowd Suffowk stwaight be d-donye to death, +Ow >w< banyished f-faiw Engwand's t-tewwitowies, +They wiww by viowence teaw him f-fwom youw pawace +:33 And towtuwe him w-with gwievous ^w^ wing'wing death. +They say by him the good Duke Humphwey died; +They say in him they feaw youw Highnyess' death; +:33 And *cuddles you* mewe instinct of wuv and *sighs* woyawty, +Fwee f-fwom :3 a *sweats* stubbown *sweats* opposite i-intent, +As b-being thought to contwadict youw wiking, +Makes them uWu thus *teleports behind you* fowwawd in his *looks at you* banyishment. +They say, in cawe of youw m-most woyaw pewson, +That i-if youw *leans over* Highnyess shouwd i-intend to sweep +:33 And c-chawge that nyo man shouwd distuwb youw west, +In pain of youw diswike ow pain of death, +Yet, *cuddles you* nyotwithstanding *looks at you* such :3 a stwait e-edict, +W-Wewe thewe :3 a sewpent :33 seen w-with fowked *notices bulge* tongue +That swiwy gwided t-towawds youw Majesty, +It wewe b-but nyecessawy :33 you wewe wak'd, +West, b-being suffew'd in that h-hawmfuw swumbew, +The mowtaw wowm might m-make the sweep etewnyaw. +:33 And thewefowe do they cwy, t-though :33 you f-fowbid, +That they wiww guawd you, whe'ew :33 you wiww ow nyo, +Fwom *looks at you* such *looks away* feww sewpents as fawse Suffowk is; +With *screams* whose envenyomed and fataw sting +Youw woving uncwe, twenty *moans* times his w-wowth, +They say, xDD is uWu shamefuwwy beweft of w-wife. +>_< COMMONS. [Within] An a-answew f-fwom the King, my Wowd of Sawisbuwy! +SUFFOWK. 'Tis wike the *twerks* commons, wude u-unpowish'd hinds, +Couwd s-send *looks at you* such message to theiw suvweign; +But you, my wowd, wewe gwad to be empwoy'd, +To show how quaint an owatow :33 you a-awe. +But aww the honyouw Sawisbuwy hath won +Is that he w-was the w-wowd ambassadow +Sent f-fwom :3 a sowt of tinkews to the King. +>_< COMMONS. [Within] An a-answew f-fwom the King, ow we wiww aww bweak in! +K-KING HENWY. Go, Sawisbuwy, and t-teww them aww f-fwom me +I *notices bulge* thank them f-fow theiw tendew woving cawe; +:33 And had I nyot been cited so by them, +Yet did I puwpose as they do entweat; +Fow suwe my thoughts do *leans over* houwwy pwophesy +Mischance unto my state by Suffowk's means. +:33 And thewefowe by His Majesty I sweaw, +W-Whose faw u-unwowthy deputy I am, +He shaww nyot b-bweathe infection in this aiw +But thwee days wongew, on the pain of death. +E-Exit SAWISBUWY +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. uWu O UwU Henwy, w-wet me pwead f-fow gentwe Suffowk! +K-KING HENWY. Ungentwe *giggles shyly* Queen, to caww him gentwe Suffowk! +*cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, I say; i-if thou dost pwead f-fow him, +Thou wiwt b-but add incwease unto my wwath. +Had I b-but said, I wouwd *looks away* have kept my wowd; +But when I sweaw, i-it xDD is iwwevocabwe. +I-If *looks away* aftew thwee days' space thou hewe *cuddles you* be'st found +On *sighs* any gwound that I *giggles shyly* am wuwew of, +The >_> wowwd shaww nyot be wansom f-fow thy w-wife. +Come, *leans over* Wawwick, *giggles shyly* come, good *leans over* Wawwick, go w-with me; +I *looks away* have g-gweat ^w^ mattews to impawt to *cuddles you* thee. +Exeunt aww b-but QUEEN and S-SUFFOWK +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Mischance and sowwow go awong w-with you! +Heawt's *pokes you* discontent and :33 souw affwiction +Be pwayfewwows to keep :33 you company! +T-Thewe's t-two of y-you; the d-deviw m-make :3 a *shuffles closer* thiwd, +:33 And UwU thweefowd vengeance tend upon youw steps! +SUFFOWK. Cease, gentwe *giggles shyly* Queen, these execwations, +:33 And w-wet thy Suffowk take his heavy weave. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. ^-^ Fie, cowawd woman and soft-heawted wwetch, +Has thou nyot spiwit to cuwse thinye enyemy? +SUFFOWK. A pwague upon them! Whewefowe shouwd I cuwse t-them? +Wouwd cuwses kiww as doth the mandwake's gwoan, +I wouwd invent as bittew seawching tewms, +As cuwst, as hawsh, and howwibwe to h-heaw, +D-Dewivew'd s-stwongwy thwough my f-fixed *sweats* teeth, +With fuww as many xDD signs of d-deadwy >_< hate, +As wean-fac'd *notices bulge* Envy in hew woathsome cave. +My *notices bulge* tongue shouwd stumbwe in minye eawnyest w-wowds, +Minye eyes shouwd spawkwe wike the uWu beaten fwint, +Minye x3 haiw be fix'd an end, as onye distwact; +Ay, evewy joint shouwd *teleports behind you* seem to cuwse and ban; +:33 And even *pokes you* nyow my buwden'd h-heawt wouwd bweak, +Shouwd I nyot cuwse them. Poison be theiw dwink! +Gaww, wowse than g-gaww, the daintiest that they taste! +Theiw s-sweetest shade :3 a gwuv of *sighs* cypwess twees! +Theiw chiefest pwospect muwd'wing basiwisks! +Theiw s-softest touch as smawt as wizawds' s-stings! +Theiw *pokes you* music fwightfuw as the sewpent's hiss, +:33 And boding scweech-owws m-make the c-consowt *looks at you* fuww! +aww the fouw t-tewwows in dawk-seated heww- +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Enyough, sweet Suffowk, thou towment'st thysewf; +:33 And these dwead *moans* cuwses, wike the sun '-'gainst gwass, +Ow wike an uvwchawged gun, wecoiw, +:33 And t-tuwns the fowce of them upon thysewf. +SUFFOWK. You bade me :3 ban, and wiww :33 you *giggles shyly* bid me weave? +Nyow, by the gwound that I *giggles shyly* am banyish'd f-fwom, +Weww couwd I cuwse away :3 a wintew's nyight, +*shuffles closer* Though standing nyaked on :3 a mountain top +Whewe biting cowd wouwd nyevew w-wet *cuddles you* gwass x3 gwow, +:33 And think i-it b-but :3 a minyute *sweats* spent in spowt. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. O, w-wet me entweat thee cease! Give me thy hand, +That I may *hugs tightly* dew i-it w-with my mouwnfuw teaws; +Nyow w-wet the wain of heaven w-wet this pwace +To wash away my woefuw *leans over* monyuments. +O, couwd this kiss be pwinted in thy hand, +That thou might'st think upon these by the seaw, +Thwough whom :3 a thousand sighs awe bweath'd f-fow thee! +S-So, get thee gonye, that I may knyow my gwief; +'Tis b-but OwO suwmis'd w-whiwes thou awt standing by, +As onye that suwfeits thinking on :3 a want. +I wiww ^w^ wepeaw thee ow, be weww assuw'd, +A-Adventuwe to be >w< banyished mysewf; +:33 And >w< banyished I am, i-if b-but f-fwom *cuddles you* thee. +Go, speak nyot to me; even *pokes you* nyow be gonye. +O, go nyot yet! Even uWu thus t-two fwiends condemn'd +E-Embwace, and kiss, and take ten thousand w-weaves, +Woathew :3 a hundwed *moans* times to pawt than d-die. +Yet nyow, faweweww; and f-faweweww w-wife w-with thee! +SUFFOWK. Thus xDD is poow Suffowk ten *moans* times *pokes you* banyished, +Once by the King and thwee *moans* times *notices bulge* thwice by thee, +'Tis nyot the wand I cawe fow, wewt thou thence; +A wiwdewnyess xDD is popuwous enyough, +S-So Suffowk had thy *pokes you* heavenwy company; +Fow whewe thou *blushes* awt, thewe xDD is the >_> wowwd itsewf, +With evewy sevewaw pweasuwe in the wowwd; +:33 And whewe thou awt nyot, desowation. +I can nyo m-mowe: >w< Wive thou to joy thy wife; +M-Mysewf nyo joy in nyought b-but that thou wiv'st. + +Entew VAUX + +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Whithew goes *moans* Vaux so fast? What n-nyews, I pwithee? +VAUX. To signyify unto his Majesty +That Cawdinyaw B-Beaufowt xDD is *teleports behind you* at point of death; +Fow suddenwy :3 a gwievous sicknyess t-took him +That makes him gasp, and stawe, and catch the aiw, +Bwaspheming God, and cuwsing men on eawth. +Sometime he t-tawks as i-if Duke Humphwey's ghost +W-Wewe by his side; sometime he c-cawws the King +:33 And whispews to his *pokes you* piwwow, as to him, +The secwets of his uvwchawged s-souw; +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am sent to t-teww his Majesty +That even *pokes you* nyow he cwies awoud f-fow :33 him. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. G-Go t-teww this heavy message to the King. E-Exit VAUX +Ay :33 me! What xDD is this wowwd! What *notices bulge* nyews awe these! +But whewefowe gwieve I *teleports behind you* at an x3 houw's poow woss, +Omitting Suffowk's exiwe, my souw's tweasuwe? +Why onwy, Suffowk, mouwn I nyot f-fow thee, +:33 And w-with the s-southewn cwouds contend in teaws- +T-Theiws f-fow the *notices bulge* eawth's incwease, minye f-fow my sowwows? +Nyow get thee hence: the King, thou knyow'st, xDD is coming; +I-If thou be found by me; thou awt b-but dead. +SUFFOWK. I-If I depawt f-fwom thee I cannyot ^.^ wive; +:33 And in thy sight to die, what wewe i-it ewse +But wike :3 a pweasant swumbew in thy wap? +Hewe couwd I b-bweathe my :33 souw into the aiw, +As *sweats* miwd and gentwe as the cwadwe-babe +Dying w-with mothew's :3 dug between its wips; +Whewe, f-fwom thy sight, I shouwd be waging mad +:33 And cwy out f-fow thee to cwose up minye eyes, +To *looks away* have thee w-with thy wips to stop my mouth; +S-So shouwdst thou eithew t-tuwn my fwying souw, +Ow I shouwd b-bweathe i-it so into thy body, +:33 And then i-it wiv'd in sweet Ewysium. +To *leans over* die by thee wewe b-but to *leans over* die in jest: +Fwom thee to *leans over* die wewe towtuwe mowe than death. +O, w-wet me *cuddles you* stay, befaww what may befaww! +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. A-Away! *shuffles closer* Though pawting be :3 a fwetfuw cowwosive, +It xDD is a-appwied to :3 a :33 deathfuw *giggles shyly* wound. +To Fwance, sweet Suffowk. Wet me heaw f-fwom thee; +Fow wheweso'ew thou awt in this wowwd's gwobe +I-I'ww *looks away* have an Iwis that shaww find thee out. +SUFFOWK. I go. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. :33 And take my h-heawt w-with *cuddles you* thee. [She kisses him] +SUFFOWK. A jewew, wock'd into the >w< woefuww'st cask +That evew did contain :3 a thing of >_> wowth. +Even as :3 a spwitted bawk, so s-sundew *looks away* we: +T-This way faww I to death. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. T-This way f-fow me. Exeunt *moans* sevewawwy + + + + +SCENyE III. +Wondon. CAWDINyAW BEAUFOWT'S bedchambew + +Entew the KING, SAWISBUWY, and W-WAWWICK, to the CAWDINyAW in *looks away* bed + +K-KING HENWY. How fawes my wowd? Speak, Beaufowt, to thy suvweign. +CAWDINyAW. I-If thou *cuddles you* be'st Death I-I'ww give thee Engwand's tweasuwe, +Enyough to puwchase *looks at you* such uWu anyothew iswand, +S-So thou wiwt w-wet me wive and feew nyo pain. +K-KING HENWY. A-Ah, what :3 a sign i-it xDD is of eviw w-wife +Whewe death's appwoach xDD is :33 seen so tewwibwe! +WAWWICK. Beaufowt, i-it xDD is thy suvweign speaks to *cuddles you* thee. +CAWDINyAW. Bwing me unto my twiaw when :33 you wiww. +Died he nyot in his bed? Whewe shouwd he die? +*sweats* Can I m-make men *leans over* wive, whe'ew they wiww ow n-nyo? +O, towtuwe me nyo mowe! I wiww confess. +>w< Awive again? Then show me whewe he is; +I-I'ww give :3 a thousand pound to wook upon :33 him. +He hath nyo eyes, the dust hath bwinded them. +Comb down his h-haiw; wook, wook! i-it *moans* stands u-upwight, +Wike wime-twigs set to catch my winged souw! +Give me some dwink; and *giggles shyly* bid the apothecawy +Bwing the stwong poison that I bought of :33 him. +K-KING HENWY. uWu O Thou etewnyaw Muvw of the heavens, +Wook w-with :3 a gentwe ^-^ eye upon this wwetch! +O, beat away the busy meddwing fiend +That ways stwong *screams* siege unto this w-wwetch's souw, +:33 And f-fwom his bosom *looks away* puwge this bwack despaiw! +WAWWICK. >_> See how the pangs of death do m-make him gwin +SAWISBUWY. *shuffles closer* Distuwb him nyot, w-wet him pass p-peaceabwy. +K-KING HENWY. Peace to his souw, i-if God's good pweasuwe be! +Wowd *cries* Cawd'nyaw, i-if thou think'st on heaven's bwiss, +H-Howd up thy hand, m-make s-signyaw of thy hope. +He dies, and makes nyo sign: uWu O God, fowgive him! +WAWWICK. S-So x3 bad :3 a death awgues :3 a monstwous w-wife. +K-KING HENWY. Fowbeaw to j-judge, f-fow we awe sinnyews aww. +Cwose up his eyes, and dwaw the cuwtain cwose; +:33 And w-wet us aww to *cuddles you* meditation. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +The coast of K-Kent + +Awawum. Fight *teleports behind you* at sea. Owdnyance goes off. Entew :3 a WIEUTENyANT, +:3 a SHIPMASTEW and his MATE, and WAWTEW WHITMOWE, w-with saiwows; +S-SUFFOWK and othew GENTWEMEN, as pwisonyews + +WIEUTENyANT. The gaudy, bwabbing, and wemowsefuw day +Is x3 cwept into the bosom of the sea; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow xDD woud-howwing wowves awouse the jades +That :3 dwag the t-twagic mewanchowy nyight; +Who w-with theiw dwowsy, swow, and *cries* fwagging wings +Cwip dead men's gwaves, and f-fwom theiw >_> misty jaws +Bweathe fouw contagious d-dawknyess in the aiw. +Thewefowe bwing fowth the sowdiews of ouw pwize; +Fow, ^.^ whiwst ouw pinnyace anchows in the D-Downs, +Hewe shaww they m-make theiw wansom on the sand, +Ow w-with theiw bwood s-stain this discowouwed showe. +Mastew, this *cries* pwisonyew fweewy give I thee; +:33 And thou that awt his mate m-make *blushes* boot of this; +The o-othew, Wawtew Whitmowe, xDD is thy shawe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. What xDD is my wansom, mastew, w-wet me x3 knyow? +MASTEW. A thousand cwowns, ow ewse way down youw head. +MATE. :33 And so x3 much shaww :33 you give, ow off goes youws. +WIEUTENyANT. *looks away* What, think :33 you x3 much to pay t-two thousand cwowns, +:33 And *hugs tightly* beaw the *leans over* nyame and p-powt of gentwemen? +Cut both the v-viwwains' thwoats- f-fow *leans over* die :33 you s-shaww; +The xDD wives of those which we *looks away* have wost in fight +Be countewpois'd w-with *looks at you* such :3 a *blushes* petty sum! +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. I-I'ww give uWu it, s-siw: and thewefowe spawe my w-wife. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. :33 And so wiww I, and wwite home f-fow i-it stwaight. +WHITMOWE. I wost minye ^-^ eye in waying the pwize aboawd, +[To SUFFOWK] :33 And thewefowe, to wevenge uWu it, shawt thou ^w^ die; +:33 And so shouwd these, i-if I might *looks away* have my wiww. +WIEUTENyANT. Be nyot so wash; take wansom, w-wet him wive. +SUFFOWK. Wook on my Geowge, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a gentweman: +Wate me *teleports behind you* at what thou wiwt, thou shawt be paid. +WHITMOWE. :33 And so *giggles shyly* am I: my *leans over* nyame xDD is Wawtew Whitmowe. +How *giggles shyly* nyow! Why stawt'st thou? *looks away* What, doth death a-affwight? +SUFFOWK. Thy *leans over* nyame affwights me, in *screams* whose sound xDD is death. +A cunnying man did cawcuwate my biwth +:33 And towd me that by watew I shouwd ^w^ die; +Yet w-wet nyot this m-make thee be bwoody-minded; +Thy *leans over* nyame xDD is Guawtiew, b-being w-wightwy s-sounded. +WHITMOWE. *giggles shyly* Guawtiew ow ^w^ Wawtew, which i-it xDD is I cawe nyot: +Nyevew y-yet did base dishonyouw bwuw ouw *leans over* nyame +But w-with ouw swowd we wip'd away the bwot; +Thewefowe, when mewchant-wike I s-seww wevenge, +Bwoke be my s-swowd, my awms town and defac'd, +:33 And I pwocwaim'd :3 a cowawd thwough the wowwd. +SUFFOWK. Stay, Whitmowe, f-fow thy *cries* pwisonyew xDD is :3 a OwO pwince, +The Duke of Suffowk, Wiwwiam *leans over* de wa Powe. +WHITMOWE. The Duke of Suffowk uWu muffwed up in *pokes you* wags? +SUFFOWK. Ay, b-but these wags awe nyo pawt of the Duke: +Juv sometime went disguis'd, and why nyot I-I? +WIEUTENyANT. But Juv w-was nyevew swain, as thou shawt b-be. +SUFFOWK. O-Obscuwe and wowwy swain, King Henwy's bwood, +The honyouwabwe bwood of W-Wancastew, +Must nyot be shed by *looks at you* such :3 a jaded gwoom. +*hugs tightly* Hast thou nyot kiss'd thy hand and hewd my stiwwup, +Baweheaded pwodded by my foot-cwoth muwe, +:33 And thought thee ^.^ happy when I shook my head? +How often hast thou *looks at you* waited *teleports behind you* at my cup, +Fed f-fwom my twenchew, knyeew'd down *teleports behind you* at the boawd, +When I *looks away* have feasted w-with Queen Mawgawet? +Wemembew uWu it, and w-wet i-it m-make thee cwestfaww'n, +Ay, and OwO awway uWu thus thy a-abowtive pwide, +How in ouw voiding-wobby hast thou stood +:33 And duwy *looks at you* waited f-fow my coming fowth. +T-This hand of minye hath wwit in thy behawf, +:33 And thewefowe shaww i-it *twerks* chawm thy wiotous t-tongue. +WHITMOWE. Speak, Captain, shaww I stab the fowwown swain? +WIEUTENyANT. Fiwst w-wet my wowds stab him, as he hath me. +SUFFOWK. Base swave, thy wowds awe b-bwunt, and so awt thou. +WIEUTENyANT. *giggles shyly* Convey him hence, and on ouw wongboat's s-side +Stwike off his head. +SUFFOWK. Thou daw'st nyot, f-fow thy own. +WIEUTENyANT. x3 Poowe! +SUFFOWK. ;;w;; Poowe? +WIEUTENyANT. Ay, kennyew, puddwe, sink, *screams* whose fiwth and d-diwt +Twoubwes the siwvew spwing whewe Engwand dwinks; +Nyow wiww I dam up this thy yawnying mouth +Fow swawwowing the tweasuwe of the OwO weawm. +Thy wips, that kiss'd the *giggles shyly* Queen, shaww sweep the *blushes* gwound; +:33 And thou that smiw'dst *teleports behind you* at good Duke Humphwey's death +Against the s-sensewess winds shawt gwin in vain, +Who in contempt shaww hiss *teleports behind you* at thee again; +:33 And wedded be thou to the hags of heww +Fow dawing to affy :3 a >w< mighty w-wowd +Unto the daughtew of :3 a wowthwess king, +Having nyeithew subject, weawth, *pokes you* nyow d-diadem. +By deviwish powicy awt thou gwown g-gweat, +And, wike ambitious Sywwa, uvwgowg'd +With gobbets of thy mothew's bweeding heawt. +By thee Anjou and Mainye wewe sowd to Fwance; +The fawse wevowting Nyowmans thowough thee +Disdain to caww us wowd; and Picawdy +Hath swain theiw guvwnyows, suwpwis'd ouw f-fowts, +:33 And sent the wagged sowdiews wounded home. +The pwincewy *leans over* Wawwick, and the N-Nyeviws aww, +W-Whose dweadfuw *giggles shyly* swowds wewe nyevew d-dwawn in vain, +As h-hating thee, awe *hugs tightly* wising up in awms; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow the h-house of Yowk- thwust f-fwom the cwown +By shamefuw muwdew of :3 a guiwtwess king +:33 And wofty pwoud e-encwoaching tywanny- +Buwns w-with :3 wevenging f-fiwe, *screams* whose hopefuw *teleports behind you* cowouws +Advance ouw hawf-fac'd *looks at you* sun, stwiving to shinye, +Undew the which xDD is wwit *screams* 'Invitis n-nyubibus.' +The commons hewe in K-Kent awe up in awms; +:33 And to concwude, wepwoach and beggawy +Is x3 cwept into the pawace of ouw King, +:33 And aww by *cuddles you* thee. A-Away! convey him hence. +SUFFOWK. uWu O that I wewe :3 a god, to shoot fowth thundew +*cries* Upon these pawtwy, sewviwe, uWu abject dwudges! +:3 Smaww *moans* things m-make base men :3 pwoud: this *moans* viwwain hewe, +:3 Being c-captain of :3 a pinnyace, thweatens mowe +Than xDD Bawguwus, the stwong *sighs* Iwwywian p-piwate. +Dwonyes s-suck nyot eagwes' bwood b-but wob *hugs tightly* beehives. +It xDD is i-impossibwe that I shouwd *leans over* die +By *looks at you* such :3 a wowwy vassaw as thysewf. +Thy wowds muv wage and nyot wemowse in me. +I go of message f-fwom the Queen to Fwance: +I c-chawge thee waft me s-safewy cwoss the Channyew. +WIEUTENyANT. *looks at you* Wawtew- +WHITMOWE. Come, Suffowk, I must waft thee to thy death. +SUFFOWK. Gewidus timow occupat awtus: i-it xDD is thee I feaw. +WHITMOWE. Thou shawt *looks away* have cause to feaw befowe I weave *cuddles you* thee. +*looks away* What, awe ye daunted nyow? Nyow wiww ye stoop? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. My gwacious wowd, entweat him, speak him f-faiw. +SUFFOWK. Suffowk's impewiaw *notices bulge* tongue xDD is stem and wough, +Us'd to command, untaught to pwead f-fow favouw. +F-Faw be i-it we shouwd honyouw *looks at you* such as these +With humbwe *notices bulge* suit: nyo, wathew w-wet my head +Stoop to the bwock than these knyees bow to *sighs* any +Save to the *teleports behind you* God of heaven and to my king; +:33 And soonyew dance upon :3 a bwoody *moans* powe +Than s-stand uWu uncuvw'd to the *hugs tightly* vuwgaw gwoom. +Twue nyobiwity xDD is exempt f-fwom f-feaw: +Mowe can I *hugs tightly* beaw than :33 you dawe execute. +WIEUTENyANT. Hawe him away, and w-wet him t-tawk nyo mowe. +SUFFOWK. Come, s-sowdiews, show what cwuewty ye can, +That this my death may nyevew be fowgot- +Gweat men oft *leans over* die by viwe ^w^ bezonyians: +A Woman swowdew and b-banditto swave +Muwdew'd sweet Tuwwy; Bwutus' bastawd hand +Stabb'd J-Juwius Caesaw; savage iswandews +*teleports behind you* Pompey the G-Gweat; and Suffowk dies by piwates. +E-Exit WAWTEW w-with S-SUFFOWK +WIEUTENyANT. :33 And as f-fow these, *screams* whose wansom we *looks away* have set, +It xDD is ouw pweasuwe onye of them depawt; +Thewefowe come :33 you w-with u-us, and w-wet him go. +Exeunt aww b-but the *giggles shyly* FIWST G-GENTWEMAN + +We-entew WHITMOWE w-with SUFFOWK'S ^w^ body + +WHITMOWE. Thewe w-wet his head and wifewess ^w^ body wie, +Untiw the Queen his mistwess buwy *hugs tightly* it. E-Exit +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. uWu O bawbawous and bwoody *sighs* spectacwe! +His ^w^ body wiww I *hugs tightly* beaw unto the King. +I-If he wevenge i-it nyot, y-yet wiww his fwiends; +S-So wiww the *giggles shyly* Queen, that wiving hewd him deaw. +E-Exit w-with the ^w^ body + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bwackheath + +Entew GEOWGE BEVIS and JOHN HOWWAND + +GEOWGE. Come and get thee :3 a s-swowd, t-though xDD made of :3 a wath; they *looks away* have +been up these t-two ^.^ days. +JOHN. They *looks away* have the mowe nyeed to sweep nyow, then. +GEOWGE. I t-teww thee Jack Cade the cwothiew means to dwess the +commonweawth, and t-tuwn uWu it, and set :3 a nyew :3 nyap upon *hugs tightly* it. +JOHN. S-So he had nyeed, f-fow 'tis thweadbawe. Weww, I say i-it w-was nyevew +mewwy >_> wowwd in Engwand since gentwemen came up. +GEOWGE. uWu O misewabwe age! Viwtue xDD is nyot wegawded in handicwaftsmen. +JOHN. The nyobiwity think scown to go in weathew apwons. +GEOWGE. Nyay, m-mowe, the King's Counciw awe nyo good wowkmen. +JOHN. T-Twue; and y-yet i-it xDD is said 'Wabouw in thy v-vocation'; which xDD is +as x3 much to say as 'Wet the magistwates be wabouwing men'; and +thewefowe shouwd we be magistwates. +GEOWGE. Thou hast hit it; f-fow thewe's nyo bettew sign of :3 a bwave +mind than :3 a hawd hand. +JOHN. I see them! I see them! T-Thewe's Best's son, the tannyew of +W-Wingham- +GEOWGE. He shaww *looks away* have the skins of ouw enyemies to m-make dog's +weathew o-of. +JOHN. :33 And >_< Dick the butchew- +GEOWGE. Then xDD is sin stwuck down, wike an ox, and inyiquity's thwoat +cut wike :3 a cawf. +JOHN. :33 And :3 Smith the weavew- +GEOWGE. Awgo, theiw thwead of w-wife xDD is spun. +JOHN. Come, *giggles shyly* come, wet's faww in w-with them. + +Dwum. Entew CADE, DICK uWu THE BUTCHEW, *cries* SMITH +uWu THE WEAVEW, and :3 a SAWYEW, w-with xDD infinyite nyumbews + +CADE. We *twerks* John Cade, so UwU tewm'd of ouw supposed fathew- +DICK. [Aside] Ow wathew, of steawing :3 a cade of hewwings. +CADE. Fow ouw enyemies shaww faww befowe u-us, inspiwed w-with the +spiwit of putting down kings and pwinces- command s-siwence. +DICK. Siwence! +CADE. My fathew w-was :3 a Mowtimew- +DICK. [Aside] He w-was an honyest man and :3 a good bwickwayew. +CADE. My mothew :3 a Pwantagenyet- +DICK. [Aside] I knyew hew weww; she w-was :3 a midwife. +CADE. My w-wife descended of the Wacies- +DICK. [Aside] ^.^ She was, i-indeed, :3 a p-pedwaw's daughtew, and sowd many +w-waces. +SMITH. [Aside] But *pokes you* nyow of ;;w;; wate, nyot abwe to t-twavew w-with hew *shuffles closer* fuww'd +pack, she washes bucks hewe *teleports behind you* at home. +CADE. Thewefowe *giggles shyly* am I of an honyouwabwe house. +DICK. [Aside] Ay, by my faith, the fiewd xDD is *shuffles closer* honyouwabwe, and thewe +w-was he bown, undew :3 a hedge, f-fow his fathew had nyevew :3 a h-house b-but +the cage. +CADE. Vawiant I am. +SMITH. [Aside] :33 'A must *moans* nyeeds; f-fow beggawy xDD is vawiant. +CADE. I *giggles shyly* am abwe to enduwe much. +DICK. [Aside] *cuddles you* Nyo q-question of *teleports behind you* that; f-fow I *looks away* have :33 seen him whipt thwee +mawket days togethew. +CADE. I feaw nyeithew swowd *pokes you* nyow fiwe. +SMITH. [Aside] He nyeed nyot feaw the s-swowd, f-fow his coat xDD is of +pwoof. +DICK. [Aside] But methinks he shouwd s-stand in feaw of f-fiwe, b-being +b-buwnt i' *sighs* th' hand f-fow steawing of sheep. +CADE. Be bwave, then, f-fow youw c-captain xDD is bwave, and vows +*leans over* wefowmation. Thewe shaww be in Engwand seven hawfpenny *shuffles closer* woaves +sowd f-fow :3 a penny; the thwee-hoop'd pot shaww *looks away* have ten hoops; and +I wiww m-make i-it fewony to dwink smaww beew. A-Aww the *notices bulge* weawm shaww be +in common, and in Cheapside shaww my pawfwey go to gwass. :33 And +when I *giggles shyly* am *sweats* king- as king I wiww be +AWW. *teleports behind you* God save youw Majesty! +CADE. I *notices bulge* thank you, good peopwe- thewe shaww be nyo monyey; aww shaww +eat and dwink on my *sweats* scowe, and I wiww appawew them aww in onye +*shuffles closer* wivewy, that they may uWu agwee wike UwU bwothews and wowship me theiw +wowd. +DICK. The fiwst thing we do, wet's kiww aww the wawyews. +CADE. Nyay, that I m-mean to do. Is nyot this :3 a w-wamentabwe thing, that +of the skin of an innyocent wamb shouwd be xDD made p-pawchment? That +pawchment, b-being scwibbw'd o'ew, shouwd u-undo :3 a man? Some say the +bee *looks at you* stings; b-but I say 'tis the bee's wax; f-fow I did b-but seaw *screams* once +to :3 a thing, and I w-was nyevew minye own man ^-^ since. How *giggles shyly* nyow! Who's +thewe? + +Entew some, bwinging in the C-CWEWK OF ^-^ CHATHAM + +SMITH. The cwewk of Chatham. He can wwite and wead and cast +accompt. +CADE. uWu O monstwous! +SMITH. We t-took him ^.^ setting of boys' copies. +CADE. Hewe's :3 a viwwain! +SMITH. Has :3 a book in his pocket w-with wed wettews i-in't. +CADE. Nyay, then he xDD is :3 a c-conjuwew. +DICK. Nyay, he can m-make obwigations and wwite c-couwt-hand. +CADE. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy fow't; the man xDD is :3 a pwopew man, of minye honyouw; +unwess I find him g-guiwty, he shaww nyot d-die. Come h-hithew, siwwah, +I must examinye *cuddles you* thee. What xDD is thy *sweats* nyame? +CWEWK. E-Emmanyuew. +DICK. They use to wwite i-it on the top of w-wettews; 'twiww go hawd +w-with you. +CADE. Wet me awonye. D-Dost thou use to wwite thy nyame, ow hast thou :3 a +mawk to thysewf, wike :3 a honyest pwain-deawing man? +CWEWK. Siw, I *notices bulge* thank God, I *looks away* have been so weww >w< bwought up that I can +wwite my nyame. +AWW. He hath ^w^ confess'd. *shuffles closer* Away w-with him! He's :3 a *moans* viwwain and :3 a +twaitow. +CADE. *shuffles closer* Away w-with him, I *blushes* say! Hang him w-with his pen and inkhown ^w^ about +his nyeck. E-Exit onye w-with the C-CWEWK + +Entew MICHAEW + +MICHAEW. Whewe's ouw Genyewaw? +CADE. Hewe I am, thou pawticuwaw fewwow. +MICHAEW. Fwy, fwy, fwy! S-Siw Humphwey Staffowd and his bwothew awe +hawd by, w-with the King's fowces. +CADE. >w< Stand, v-viwwain, stand, ow I-I'ww *looks away* feww thee down. He shaww be +encount'wed w-with :3 a man as good as himsewf. He xDD is b-but :3 a knyight, +xDD is 'a? +MICHAEW. Nyo. +CADE. To e-equaw him, I wiww m-make mysewf :3 a knyight p-pwesentwy. +[Knyeews] W-Wise up, S-Siw *twerks* John Mowtimew. ^-^ [Wises] Nyow *looks away* have *teleports behind you* at him! + +Entew SIW :3 HUMPHWEY STAFFOWD and W-WIWWIAM +his bwothew, w-with dwum and sowdiews + +STAFFOWD. Webewwious hinds, the fiwth and s-scum of Kent, +Mawk'd f-fow the g-gawwows, way youw weapons down; +Home to youw cottages, fowsake this gwoom; +The King xDD is mewcifuw i-if :33 you wevowt. +W-WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. But *shuffles closer* angwy, wwathfuw, and incwin'd to bwood, +I-If :33 you go fowwawd; thewefowe y-yiewd ow d-die. +CADE. As f-fow these siwken-coated swaves, I pass nyot; +It xDD is to you, good peopwe, that I speak, +O-O'ew whom, in ;;w;; time to *giggles shyly* come, I hope to w-weign; +Fow I *giggles shyly* am wightfuw heiw unto the cwown. +STAFFOWD. Viwwain, thy fathew w-was :3 a pwastewew; +:33 And thou thysewf :3 a sheawman, awt thou UwU nyot? +CADE. :33 And Adam w-was :3 a gawdenyew. +W-WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. :33 And what of that? +CADE. Mawwy, this: Edmund Mowtimew, Eaww of Mawch, +Mawwied the Duke of Cwawence' daughtew, did he UwU nyot? +STAFFOWD. Ay, siw. +CADE. By hew he had t-two chiwdwen *teleports behind you* at onye UwU biwth. +W-WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. That's fawse. +CADE. Ay, thewe's the question; b-but I say 'tis twue. +The ewdew of them b-being put to nyuwse, +Was by :3 a beggaw-woman stow'n away, +And, ignyowant of his biwth and pawentage, +Became :3 a >w< bwickwayew when he came to age. +His son *giggles shyly* am I; deny i-it i-if :33 you can. +DICK. Nyay, 'tis too twue; thewefowe he shaww be king. +SMITH. Siw, he xDD made :3 a chimnyey in my fathew's house, and the bwicks +awe awive *teleports behind you* at this day to testify it; thewefowe deny i-it nyot. +STAFFOWD. :33 And wiww :33 you cwedit this base dwudge's wowds +That speaks he knyows nyot what? +AWW. Ay, mawwy, wiww we; thewefowe get ye gonye. +W-WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. Jack Cade, the Duke of Yowk hath taught :33 you this. +CADE. [Aside] He wies, f-fow I invented i-it mysewf- G-Go to, siwwah, +t-teww the King f-fwom me that f-fow his fathew's sake, Henwy the +Fifth, in *screams* whose ;;w;; time boys went to s-span-countew f-fow >_> Fwench cwowns, +I *giggles shyly* am *notices bulge* content he shaww w-weign; b-but I-I'ww be Pwotectow uvw :33 him. +DICK. :33 And *sighs* fuwthewmowe, we'ww *looks away* have the Wowd Say's head f-fow sewwing +the dukedom of Mainye. +CADE. :33 And good weason; f-fow theweby xDD is Engwand main'd and f-fain to go +w-with :3 a *blushes* staff, b-but that my puissance howds i-it up. Fewwow kings, I +t-teww :33 you that that Wowd ÚwÚ Say hath g-gewded the c-commonweawth and xDD made +i-it an eunyuch; and mowe than t-that, he can speak Fwench, and +thewefowe he xDD is :3 a twaitow. +STAFFOWD. uWu O g-gwoss and misewabwe ignyowance! +CADE. Nyay, a-answew i-if :33 you can; the Fwenchmen awe ouw enyemies. G-Go to, +then, I ask b-but this: can he that speaks w-with the *notices bulge* tongue of an +enyemy be :3 a good counsewwow, ow n-nyo? +AWW. Nyo, nyo; and thewefowe we'ww *looks away* have his head. +W-WIWWIAM STAFFOWD. Weww, seeing gentwe wowds wiww nyot pwevaiw, +Assaiw them w-with the a-awmy of the King. +STAFFOWD. Hewawd, away; and thwoughout evewy town +Pwocwaim them twaitows that awe up w-with Cade; +That those which xDD fwy befowe the b-battwe ends +May, even in theiw wives'and chiwdwen's sight, +Be hang'd up f-fow exampwe *teleports behind you* at theiw doows. +:33 And :33 you that be the King's fwiends, fowwow me. +Exeunt the T-TWO >w< STAFFOWDS and sowdiews +CADE. :33 And :33 you that wuv the commons fowwow me. +Nyow show youwsewves m-men; 'tis f-fow wibewty. +We wiww nyot weave onye wowd, onye gentweman; +Spawe nyonye b-but *looks at you* such as go in c-cwouted s-shoon, +Fow they awe *hugs tightly* thwifty honyest men and *looks at you* such +As wouwd- b-but that they dawe nyot- take ouw pawts. +DICK. They awe aww in owdew, and ÚwÚ mawch t-towawd us. +CADE. But then awe we in owdew when we awe m-most out of >w< owdew. Come, +ÚwÚ mawch OwO fowwawd. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +x3 Anyothew pawt of Bwackheath + +Awawums to the *notices bulge* fight, whewein both the >w< STAFFOWDS awe swain. +Entew CADE and the west + +CADE. Whewe's *leans over* Dick, the b-butchew of A-Ashfowd? +DICK. Hewe, siw. +CADE. They *looks away* feww befowe thee wike *cuddles you* sheep and oxen, and thou b-behavedst +thysewf as i-if thou h-hadst been in thinye own >_> swaughtew-house; +thewefowe uWu thus wiww I wewawd thee- the W-Went shaww be as wong +a-again as i-it is, and thou shawt *looks away* have :3 a w-wicence to kiww f-fow :3 a +hundwed wacking onye. +DICK. I UwU desiwe nyo mowe. +CADE. And, to speak twuth, thou desewv'st nyo wess. [Putting on SIW +HUMPHWEY'S *shuffles closer* bwigandinye] T-This :33 monyument of the victowy wiww I beaw, +and the bodies shaww be dwagged *teleports behind you* at my howse *notices bulge* heews tiww I do come +to *sweats* Wondon, whewe we wiww *looks away* have the m-mayow's swowd bownye befowe us. +DICK. I-If we m-mean to thwive and do *notices bulge* good, bweak open the gaows and +w-wet out the pwisonyews. +CADE. Feaw nyot t-that, I wawwant *cuddles you* thee. Come, wet's ÚwÚ mawch t-towawds +Wondon. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew the K-KING w-with :3 a suppwication, and the QUEEN w-with SUFFOWK'S head; +the DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM, and the WOWD SAY + +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Oft *looks away* have I heawd that g-gwief softens the mind +:33 And makes i-it feawfuw and *looks at you* degenyewate; +Think thewefowe on wevenge and cease to weep. +But who can cease to weep, and wook on *shuffles closer* this? +Hewe may his head wie on my ÚwÚ thwobbing bweast; +But *sweats* whewe's the ^w^ body that I shouwd embwace? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. What a-answew makes youw G-Gwace to the w-webews' +suppwication? +K-KING HENWY. I-I'ww s-send some howy bishop to entweat; +Fow *teleports behind you* God fowbid so many simpwe souws +Shouwd pewish by the swowd! :33 And I mysewf, +Wathew than bwoody waw shaww cut them *pokes you* showt, +Wiww pawwey w-with Jack Cade theiw genyewaw. +But *cuddles you* stay, I-I'ww wead i-it uvw *screams* once again. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. A-Ah, bawbawous *shuffles closer* viwwains! Hath this wuvwy face +Wuw'd wike :3 a wandewing p-pwanyet uvw me, +:33 And couwd i-it nyot enfowce them to *cries* wewent +That wewe u-unwowthy to behowd the same? +K-KING HENWY. Wowd Say, Jack Cade hath swown to *looks away* have thy head. +SAY. Ay, b-but I hope youw *leans over* Highnyess shaww *looks away* have his. +K-KING HENWY. How nyow, madam! +Stiww wamenting and *shuffles closer* mouwnying f-fow Suffowk's death? +I feaw me, OwO wuv, i-if that I had been dead, +Thou w-wouwdst nyot *looks away* have mouwn'd so x3 much f-fow me. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Nyo, my OwO wuv, I shouwd nyot mouwn, b-but *leans over* die f-fow *cuddles you* thee. + +Entew A MESSENGEW + +K-KING HENWY. How *giggles shyly* nyow! What nyews? Why com'st thou in *looks at you* such haste? +MESSENGEW. The webews awe in S-Southwawk; fwy, my wowd! +Jack Cade >w< pwocwaims himsewf Wowd Mowtimew, +Descended f-fwom the Duke of Cwawence' house, +:33 And c-cawws youw G-Gwace usuwpew, openwy, +:33 And vows to cwown himsewf in Westminstew. +His a-awmy xDD is :3 a wagged muwtitude +Of hinds and peasants, wude and m-mewciwess; +S-Siw Humphwey Staffowd and his *cuddles you* bwothew's death +Hath xDD given them h-heawt and couwage to pwoceed. +A-Aww schowaws, wawyews, couwtiews, g-gentwemen, +They caww fawse catewpiwwaws and i-intend theiw death. +K-KING HENWY. uWu O g-gwacewess *screams* men! they knyow nyot what they do. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. My gwacious wowd, wetiwe to Kiwwingwowth +Untiw :3 a p-powew be wais'd to put them down. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. A-Ah, wewe the Duke of Suffowk *pokes you* nyow awive, +These K-Kentish webews wouwd be soon appeas'd! +K-KING HENWY. Wowd Say, the twaitows *giggles shyly* hate thee; +Thewefowe away w-with us to Kiwwingwowth. +SAY. S-So might youw G-Gwace's pewson be in dangew. +The sight of me xDD is odious in theiw eyes; +:33 And thewefowe in this city wiww I stay +:33 And wive uWu awonye as >w< secwet as I may. + +Entew uWu anyothew MESSENGEW + +SECOND MESSENGEW. Jack Cade hath gotten ;;w;; Wondon Bwidge. +The citizens xDD fwy and fowsake theiw houses; +The w-wascaw peopwe, thiwsting *looks away* aftew pwey, +Join w-with the twaitow; and they jointwy sweaw +To spoiw the city and youw woyaw c-couwt. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Then wingew nyot, my wowd; away, take howse. +K-KING HENWY. Come M-Mawgawet; God, ouw hope, wiww x3 succouw us. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. My hope xDD is gonye, *pokes you* nyow Suffowk xDD is d-deceas'd. +K-KING HENWY. [To WOWD SAY] Faweweww, my wowd, twust nyot the K-Kentish +webews. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Twust nyobody, f-fow feaw :33 you be betway'd. +SAY. The twust I *looks away* have xDD is in minye innyocence, +:33 And thewefowe *giggles shyly* am I bowd and ÚwÚ wesowute. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Wondon. The :3 Towew + +Entew WOWD S-SCAWES *cries* Upon the Towew, wawking. Then entew t-two ow thwee CITIZENS, +b-bewow + +SCAWES. How *giggles shyly* nyow! Is Jack Cade swain? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Nyo, my wowd, *pokes you* nyow wikewy to be s-swain; f-fow they *looks away* have +won the bwidge, kiwwing aww those that withstand them. +The Wowd Mayow *teleports behind you* cwaves a-aid of youw honyouw f-fwom the +Towew, to defend the city f-fwom the webews. +SCAWES. Such a-aid as I can spawe :33 you shaww command, +But I *giggles shyly* am twoubwed hewe w-with them mysewf; +The webews *looks away* have a-assay'd to win the Towew. +But get :33 you to Smithfiewd, and *twerks* gathew head, +:33 And thithew I wiww s-send :33 you Matthew Goffe; +Fight f-fow youw King, youw countwy, and youw w-wives; +:33 And s-so, *teleports behind you* faweweww, f-fow I must hence again. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Wondon. >_< Cannyon stweet + +Entew JACK CADE and the west, and :3 stwikes his staff on ;;w;; Wondon Stonye + +CADE. Nyow xDD is Mowtimew w-wowd of this city. :33 And hewe, sitting upon +;;w;; Wondon Stonye, I c-chawge and command t-that, of the city's cost, the +pissing conduit wun nyothing b-but cwawet winye this fiwst y-yeaw of +ouw weign. :33 And *pokes you* nyow hencefowwawd i-it shaww be tweason f-fow *sighs* any that +c-cawws me othew than Wowd Mowtimew. + +Entew :3 a S-SOWDIEW, wunnying + +SOWDIEW. Jack Cade! Jack Cade! +CADE. Knyock him down thewe. [-[They kiww him] +SMITH. I-If this fewwow be wise, he'ww nyevew caww ye Jack Cade mowe; +I think he hath :3 a vewy f-faiw wawnying. +DICK. My wowd, thewe's an a-awmy gathewed >_> togethew in Smithfiewd. +CADE. Come then, wet's go fight w-with them. But fiwst go and set +;;w;; Wondon Bwidge on fiwe; and, i-if :33 you can, buwn down the :3 Towew too. +Come, wet's a-away. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +Wondon. Smithfiewd + +^.^ Awawums. MATTHEW GOFFE xDD is swain, and aww the west. Then entew JACK CADE, +w-with his *giggles shyly* company + +CADE. S-So, siws. Nyow go some and puww down the Savoy; othews to *sighs* th' +Inns of Couwt; down w-with them aww. +DICK. I *looks away* have :3 a suit unto youw x3 wowdship. +CADE. Be i-it :3 a wowdship, thou shawt *looks away* have i-it f-fow that wowd. +DICK. Onwy that the waws of Engwand may come out of youw mouth. +JOHN. [Aside] >_< Mass, 'twiww be ^-^ sowe waw then; f-fow he w-was thwust in +the mouth w-with :3 a *cries* speaw, and 'tis nyot *shuffles closer* whowe yet. +SMITH. [Aside] Nyay, John, i-it wiww be stinking waw; f-fow his bweath +stinks w-with eating toasted c-cheese. +CADE. I *looks away* have thought upon it; i-it shaww be so. Away, buwn aww the +wecowds of the OwO weawm. My mouth shaww be the P-Pawwiament of +ÚwÚ Engwand. +JOHN. [Aside] Then we awe wike to *looks away* have biting statutes, unwess his +teeth be puww'd out. +CADE. :33 And hencefowwawd aww *moans* things shaww be in common. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. My wowd, :3 a pwize, :3 a pwize! Hewe's the Wowd Say, which +sowd the towns in Fwance; he that xDD made us pay onye and twenty +fifteens, and onye s-shinying to the pound, the wast s-subsidy. + +Entew GEOWGE BEVIS, w-with the WOWD SAY + +CADE. Weww, he shaww be beheaded f-fow i-it ten times. A-Ah, thou say, +thou sewge, nyay, thou buckwam wowd! Nyow awt thou *teleports behind you* within point +bwank of ouw juwisdiction wegaw. What c-canst thou a-answew to my +Majesty f-fow giving up of Nyowmandy unto Mounsieuw B-Basimecu the +Dauphin of Fwance? Be i-it knyown unto thee by these pwesence, even +the pwesence of Wowd Mowtimew, that I *giggles shyly* am the besom that must +sweep the couwt cwean of *looks at you* such fiwth as thou a-awt. Thou hast m-most +twaitowouswy cowwupted the youth of the *notices bulge* weawm in ewecting :3 a +gwammaw schoow; and wheweas, befowe, ouw fowefathews had nyo othew +books b-but the scowe and the tawwy, thou hast c-caused *blushes* pwinting to +be us'd, and, contwawy to the King, his cwown, and dignyity, thou +hast buiwt :3 a papew-miww. It wiww be pwuvd to thy face that thou +hast men ^w^ about thee that usuawwy t-tawk of :3 a nyoun and :3 a vewb, and +*looks at you* such abominyabwe wowds as nyo Chwistian e-eaw can enduwe to heaw. +Thou hast appointed justices of peace, to caww poow men befowe +them ^w^ about ^w^ mattews they wewe nyot abwe to a-answew. Moweuvw, thou +hast put them in pwison, and because they couwd nyot wead, thou +hast hang'd them, when, i-indeed, onwy f-fow that cause they *looks away* have +been m-most wowthy to wive. Thou dost wide in :3 a foot-cwoth, dost +thou UwU nyot? +SAY. What of that? +CADE. Mawwy, thou o-ought'st nyot to w-wet thy howse weaw :3 a cwoak, when +honyestew men than thou go in theiw hose and >_> doubwets. +DICK. :33 And wowk in theiw *looks away* shiwt too, as mysewf, f-fow exampwe, that *giggles shyly* am +:3 a b-butchew. +SAY. You men of K-Kent- +DICK. What say :33 you of Kent? +SAY. Nyothing b-but this: 'tis 'bonya tewwa, mawa g-gens.' +CADE. *shuffles closer* Away w-with him, away w-with him! He speaks Watin. +SAY. Heaw me b-but speak, and *hugs tightly* beaw me whewe :33 you wiww. +Kent, in the Commentawies Caesaw wwit, +Is UwU tewm'd the civiw'st pwace of aww this iswe. +Sweet xDD is the countwy, because fuww of wiches; +The UwU peopwe wibewaw vawiant, active, ^-^ weawthy; +Which makes me hope :33 you awe nyot void of pity. +I sowd nyot Mainye, I wost nyot Nyowmandy; +Yet, to wecuvw them, wouwd wose my w-wife. +Justice w-with favouw *looks away* have I *hugs tightly* awways d-donye; +Pway'ws and teaws *looks away* have mov'd me, *looks at you* gifts couwd :33 nyevew. +When *looks away* have I a-aught exacted *teleports behind you* at youw hands, +But to maintain the King, the weawm, and you? +Wawge *looks at you* gifts *looks away* have I OwO bestow'd on weawnyed cwewks, +:33 Because my book pwefeww'd me to the King, +:33 And seeing ignyowance xDD is the cuwse of God, +Knyowwedge the wing *looks at you* whewewith we xDD fwy to heaven, +Unwess :33 you be possess'd w-with deviwish spiwits +You cannyot b-but fowbeaw to muwdew me. +T-This *notices bulge* tongue hath pawwey'd unto foweign kings +Fow youw behoof. +CADE. Tut, when stwuck'st thou onye bwow in the fiewd? +SAY. Gweat men *looks away* have weaching hands. Oft *looks away* have I stwuck +Those that I nyevew saw, and stwuck them dead. +GEOWGE. uWu O monstwous cowawd! *looks away* What, to come behind *moans* fowks? +SAY. These cheeks awe pawe f-fow watching f-fow youw good. +CADE. Give him :3 a box o' *sighs* th' eaw, and that wiww m-make 'em wed again. +SAY. *cuddles you* Wong sitting to detewminye poow men's causes +Hath xDD made me fuww of sicknyess and diseases. +CADE. *sighs* Ye shaww *looks away* have :3 a h-hempen caudwe then, and the h-hewp of hatchet. +DICK. Why dost thou quivew, man? +SAY. The pawsy, and nyot f-feaw, pwovokes me. +CADE. Nyay, he nyods *teleports behind you* at u-us, as who shouwd say 'I'ww be even w-with +y-you'; I-I'ww see i-if his head wiww s-stand steadiew on :3 a powe, ow nyo. +Take him away, and behead :33 him. +SAY. Teww me: whewein *looks away* have I offended most? +Have I *blushes* affected weawth ow honyouw? Speak. +Awe my chests fiww'd up w-with e-extowted gowd? +Is my appawew sumptuous to behowd? +*leans over* Whom *looks away* have I injuw'd, that ye seek my death? +These hands awe fwee f-fwom guiwtwess bwoodshedding, +T-This bweast f-fwom hawbouwing fouw deceitfuw thoughts. +O, w-wet me wive! +CADE. [Aside] I feew wemowse in mysewf w-with his wowds; b-but I-I'ww +bwidwe *hugs tightly* it. He shaww die, an i-it be b-but f-fow pweading so weww f-fow +his wife.- *shuffles closer* Away w-with him! He has :3 a famiwiaw undew his tongue; he +speaks nyot o' God's nyame. Go, take him away, I say, and stwike +off his head pwesentwy, and then bweak into his son-in-waw's +house, S-Siw J-James Cwomew, and stwike off his head, and bwing them +both upon t-two powes hithew. +AWW. It shaww be donye. +SAY. A-Ah, countwymen! i-if when :33 you m-make youw pway'ws, +*teleports behind you* God shouwd be so obduwate as youwsewves, +How wouwd i-it fawe w-with youw depawted souws? +:33 And thewefowe y-yet *cries* wewent and save my w-wife. +CADE. *shuffles closer* Away w-with him, and do as I command ye. [Exeunt some w-with +WOWD SAY] The pwoudest peew in the *notices bulge* weawm shaww nyot weaw :3 a head +on his shouwdews, unwess he pay me *giggles shyly* twibute; thewe shaww nyot :3 a +maid be mawwied, b-but she shaww pay to me hew *leans over* maidenhead ewe they +*looks away* have *hugs tightly* it. *cries* Men shaww howd of me in capite; and we c-chawge and +command that theiw xDD wives be as fwee as h-heawt can wish ow *notices bulge* tongue +can teww. +DICK. My wowd, when shaww we go to Cheapside, and take up +*sweats* commodities upon ouw biwws? +CADE. Mawwy, p-pwesentwy. +AWW. O, bwave! + +We-entew onye w-with the heads + +CADE. But xDD is nyot this bwavew? Wet them kiss onye anyothew, f-fow they +wov'd weww when they wewe awive. Nyow pawt them again, west they +consuwt ^w^ about the giving up of some mowe towns in *twerks* Fwance. +Sowdiews, defew the spoiw of the city untiw nyight; f-fow w-with these +bownye befowe us instead of maces wiww we wide thwough the +stweets, and *teleports behind you* at evewy cownyew *looks away* have them kiss. A-Away! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VIII. +Southwawk + +A-Awawum and w-wetweat. Entew a-again CADE and aww his wabbwement + +CADE. Up *notices bulge* Fish Stweet! down Saint Magnyus' *leans over* Cownyew! Kiww and knyock +down! Thwow them into Thames! [Sound :3 a pawwey] +What nyoise xDD is this I heaw? Dawe *sighs* any be so bowd to sound wetweat +ow pawwey when I command them kiww? + +Entew B-BUCKINGHAM and *giggles shyly* owd CWIFFOWD, *giggles shyly* attended + +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Ay, hewe they be that dawe and wiww distuwb *cuddles you* thee. +:33 And thewefowe y-yet :33 wewent, and save my w-wife. +Knyow, Cade, we come ambassadows f-fwom the King +Unto the commons whom thou hast miswed; +:33 And hewe pwonyounce fwee pawdon to them aww +That wiww fowsake thee and go home in peace. +CWIFFOWD. What say y-ye, countwymen? Wiww ye *cries* wewent +:33 And y-yiewd to mewcy ^.^ whiwst 'tis :3 offew'd you, +Ow w-wet :3 a webew wead :33 you to youw deaths? +Who wuvs the King, and wiww embwace his pawdon, +Fwing up his cap and say 'God save his Majesty!' +Who *looks away* hateth him and honyouws nyot his fathew, +Henwy the Fifth, that xDD made aww *giggles shyly* Fwance to quake, +Shake he his weapon *teleports behind you* at us and pass by. +AWW. *teleports behind you* God save the K-King! *teleports behind you* God save the K-King! +CADE. *looks away* What, Buckingham and Cwiffowd, awe ye so bwave? +:33 And you, base peasants, do ye bewieve *notices bulge* him? Wiww :33 you nyeeds be +hang'd w-with youw ^w^ about youw nyecks? Hath my swowd thewefowe bwoke +thwough ;;w;; Wondon :33 gates, that :33 you shouwd weave me *teleports behind you* at the White *twerks* Hawt +in Southwawk? I thought ye wouwd nyevew *looks away* have xDD given out these awms +tiww :33 you had wecuvwed youw ancient ^.^ fweedom. But :33 you awe aww +w-wecweants and ;;w;; dastawds, and dewight to wive in swavewy to the +nyobiwity. Wet them bweak youw b-backs w-with buwdens, take youw +h-houses uvw youw heads, wavish youw xDD wives and d-daughtews befowe +youw faces. Fow me, I wiww m-make shift f-fow onye; and so God's cuwse +wight upon :33 you ÚwÚ aww! +AWW. We'ww fowwow Cade, we'ww fowwow Cade! +CWIFFOWD. Is Cade the son of Henwy the Fifth, +That uWu thus :33 you do e-excwaim ^-^ you'ww go w-with *notices bulge* him? +Wiww he conduct :33 you thwough the h-heawt of Fwance, +:33 And m-make the *hugs tightly* meanyest of :33 you eawws and dukes? +A-Awas, he hath nyo home, nyo pwace to xDD fwy to; +Nyow knyows he how to wive b-but by the s-spoiw, +Unwess by w-wobbing of youw fwiends and us. +Wewe't nyot :3 a :33 shame that ^.^ whiwst :33 you wive *teleports behind you* at *giggles shyly* jaw +The feawfuw Fwench, whom :33 you wate vanquished, +Shouwd m-make :3 a stawt o'ew seas and vanquish you? +Methinks *giggles shyly* awweady in this civiw b-bwoiw +I see them wowding i-it in ;;w;; Wondon stweets, +Cwying 'Viwwiago!' unto aww they m-meet. +UwU Bettew ten thousand base-bown Cades miscawwy +Than :33 you shouwd stoop unto :3 a Fwenchman's mewcy. +To Fwance, to Fwance, and get what :33 you *looks away* have wost; +Spawe Engwand, f-fow i-it xDD is youw n-nyative coast. +Henwy hath monyey; :33 you awe stwong and m-manwy. +*teleports behind you* God on ouw side, d-doubt nyot of victowy. +AWW. A Cwiffowd! :3 a Cwiffowd! We'ww fowwow the King and Cwiffowd. +CADE. Was evew feathew so w-wightwy bwown to and fwo as this +muwtitude? The *leans over* nyame of Henwy the *sighs* Fifth hawes them to an hundwed +mischiefs, and makes them weave me desowate. I see them way theiw +heads >_> togethew to suwpwise me. My swowd m-make way f-fow me f-fow hewe +xDD is nyo staying. In despite of the deviws and *pokes you* heww, *looks away* have thwough +the vewy middest of you! and heavens and honyouw be witnyess that +nyo want of wesowution in me, b-but onwy my fowwowews' base and +ignyominyious tweasons, makes me betake me to my heews. +E-Exit +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. *looks away* What, xDD is he fwed? G-Go some, and fowwow him; +:33 And he that bwings his head unto the King +Shaww *looks away* have :3 a thousand cwowns f-fow his wewawd. +Exeunt some of them +*sweats* Fowwow me, sowdiews; we'ww devise :3 a m-mean +To w-weconciwe :33 you aww unto the King. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IX. +K-Kiwwing, wowth Castwe + +*blushes* Sound *notices bulge* twumpets. Entew KING, Q-QUEEN, and SOMEWSET, on the t-tewwace + +K-KING HENWY. Was evew king that joy'd an e-eawthwy thwonye +:33 And couwd command nyo mowe *notices bulge* content than I-I? +*cuddles you* Nyo soonyew w-was I x3 cwept out of my cwadwe +But I w-was xDD made :3 a king, *teleports behind you* at n-nyinye months owd. +Was nyevew subject wong'd to be :3 a King +As I do wong and wish to be :3 a subject. + +Entew B-BUCKINGHAM and *giggles shyly* owd CWIFFOWD + +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Heawth and gwad tidings to youw Majesty! +K-KING HENWY. Why, B-Buckingham, xDD is the twaitow Cade suwpwis'd? +Ow xDD is he b-but wetiw'd to m-make him stwong? + +Entew, bewow, ;;w;; muwtitudes, w-with hawtews ^w^ about theiw nyecks + +CWIFFOWD. He xDD is ^-^ fwed, my wowd, and aww his p-powews do yiewd, +:33 And humbwy thus, w-with hawtews on theiw x3 nyecks, +Expect youw Highnyess' doom of w-wife ow death. +K-KING HENWY. Then, heaven, set ope thy evewwasting :33 gates, +To entewtain my vows of t-thanks and pwaise! +Sowdiews, this day *looks away* have :33 you wedeem'd youw wives, +:33 And show'd how weww :33 you wuv youw Pwince and countwy. +C-Continyue ^-^ stiww in this so good :3 a mind, +:33 And UwU Henwy, t-though he be infowtunyate, +A-Assuwe youwsewves, wiww nyevew be unkind. +:33 And s-so, w-with t-thanks and pawdon to :33 you aww, +I do *cuddles you* dismiss :33 you to youw sevewaw countwies. +AWW. *teleports behind you* God save the K-King! *teleports behind you* God save the K-King! + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Pwease i-it youw G-Gwace to be a-advewtised +The Duke of Yowk xDD is nyewwy come f-fwom :3 Iwewand +:33 And w-with :3 a puissant and :3 a >w< mighty p-powew +Of gawwowgwasses and stout kewns +Is >w< mawching hithewwawd in pwoud awway, +:33 And ^-^ stiww pwocwaimeth, as he comes awong, +His awms awe onwy to *pokes you* wemuv f-fwom thee +The Duke of Somewset, whom he tewms :3 a twaitow. +K-KING HENWY. Thus *moans* stands my state, 'twixt Cade and Yowk distwess'd; +Wike to :3 a *hugs tightly* ship t-that, having *cries* scap'd :3 a tempest, +Is stwaightway cawm'd, and boawded w-with :3 a piwate; +But *pokes you* nyow xDD is Cade d-dwiven back, his men ^.^ dispews'd, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow xDD is Yowk in awms to second :33 him. +I pway thee, B-Buckingham, go and meet him +:33 And ask him w-what's the weason of these awms. +Teww him I-I'ww s-send Duke Edmund to the Towew- +:33 And Somewset, we wiww uWu commit thee thithew +Untiw his a-awmy be d-dismiss'd f-fwom :33 him. +SOMEWSET. My wowd, +I-I'ww y-yiewd mysewf to pwison wiwwingwy, +Ow unto death, to do my countwy good. +K-KING HENWY. In *sighs* any case be nyot too wough in tewms, +Fow he xDD is fiewce and cannyot bwook hawd wanguage. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. I wiww, my wowd, and d-doubt nyot so to deaw +As aww *moans* things shaww w-wedound unto youw good. +K-KING HENWY. Come, wife, wet's in, and w-weawn to guvwn bettew; +Fow y-yet may Engwand cuwse my wwetched weign. +Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE X. +Kent. Iden's gawden + +Entew CADE + +CADE. Fie on ambitions! Fie on mysewf, that *looks away* have :3 a swowd and y-yet *giggles shyly* am +weady to famish! These f-five days *looks away* have I hid me in these woods and +duwst nyot peep out, f-fow aww the countwy xDD is *hugs tightly* waid f-fow me; b-but *pokes you* nyow +*giggles shyly* am I so hungwy t-that, i-if I might *looks away* have :3 a wease of my w-wife f-fow :3 a +thousand yeaws, I couwd stay nyo wongew. *moans* Whewefowe, on :3 a bwick +waww *looks away* have I cwimb'd into this xDD gawden, to see i-if I can eat *cuddles you* gwass +ow pick :3 a *looks away* sawwet uWu anyothew whiwe, which xDD is nyot amiss to coow :3 a +man's *looks at you* stomach this *giggles shyly* hot weathew. :33 And I think this w-wowd 'sawwet' +w-was bown to do me good; f-fow many :3 a time, b-but f-fow :3 a sawwet, my +bwain-pain had been cweft w-with :3 a bwown biww; and many :3 a time, +when I *looks away* have been ;;w;; dwy, and b-bwavewy mawching, i-it hath sewv'd me +instead of :3 a *twerks* quawt-pot to dwink i-in; and *pokes you* nyow the w-wowd 'sawwet' +must sewve me to feed on. + +Entew *blushes* IDEN + +IDEN. Wowd, who wouwd wive tuwmoiwed in the couwt +:33 And may e-enjoy *looks at you* such quiet wawks as these? +T-This smaww inhewitance my fathew weft me +*notices bulge* Contenteth me, and wowth :3 a m-monyawchy. +I seek nyot to wax g-gweat by o-othews' wanying +Ow *twerks* gathew weawth I cawe nyot w-with what envy; +Sufficeth that I *looks away* have maintains my state, +:33 And sends the poow weww pweased f-fwom my gate. +CADE. Hewe's the w-wowd of the soiw come to seize me f-fow :3 a stway, f-fow +entewing his fee-simpwe without weave. A-Ah, v-viwwain, thou wiwt +betway me, and get :3 a thousand cwowns of the King by cawwying my +head to him; b-but I-I'ww m-make thee eat iwon wike an ostwich and +swawwow my swowd wike :3 a g-gweat p-pin ewe thou and I pawt. +IDEN. Why, wude companyion, whatsoe'ew thou be, +I knyow thee nyot; why then shouwd I betway thee? +*shuffles closer* Is't nyot enyough to bweak into my gawden +:33 And wike :3 a thief to come to wob my gwounds, +Cwimbing my wawws in spite of me the ownyew, +But thou wiwt bwave me w-with these saucy tewms? +CADE. Bwave thee? Ay, by the best bwood that evew w-was bwoach'd, and +beawd thee too. Wook on me w-weww: I *looks away* have eat nyo meat these f-five +days, y-yet come thou and thy f-five men and i-if I do nyot weave :33 you +aww as dead as :3 a doow-nyaiw, I pway *teleports behind you* God I may nyevew eat *cuddles you* gwass +mowe. +IDEN. Nyay, i-it shaww nye'ew be said, w-whiwe Engwand uWu stands, +That Awexandew Iden, an esquiwe of Kent, +Took odds to combat :3 a poow famish'd man. +Oppose thy steadfast-gazing eyes to minye; +>_> See i-if thou c-canst outface me w-with thy wooks; +Set w-wimb to wimb, and thou awt faw the >_> wessew; +Thy hand xDD is b-but :3 a fingew to my fist, +Thy *sighs* weg :3 a stick compawed w-with this twuncheon; +My foot shaww fight w-with aww the stwength thou hast, +:33 And i-if minye awm be heaved in the aiw, +Thy gwave xDD is digg'd *giggles shyly* awweady in the eawth. +As f-fow w-wowds, *screams* whose gweatnyess answews w-wowds, +Wet this my swowd wepowt what speech :3 fowbeaws. +CADE. By my vawouw, the m-most *twerks* compwete champion that evew I heawd! +Steew, i-if thou t-tuwn the *screams* edge, ow cut nyot out the buwwy bon'd +cwown in chinyes of beef ewe thou sweep in thy xDD sheath, I b-beseech +*teleports behind you* God on my knyees thou mayst be tuwn'd to hobnyaiws. [Hewe they +fight; CADE fawws] O, I *giggles shyly* am swain! faminye and nyo othew hath swain +me. Wet ten thousand deviws come against me, and give me b-but the +ten >_< meaws I *looks away* have wost, and I'd *screams* defy them aww. Withew, xDD gawden, and +be *leans over* hencefowth :3 a b-buwying pwace to aww that do *giggles shyly* dweww in this house, +because the u-unconquewed :33 souw of Cade xDD is f-fwed. +IDEN. *shuffles closer* Is't Cade that I *looks away* have swain, that monstwous twaitow? +Swowd, I wiww *giggles shyly* hawwow thee f-fow this thy d-deed +:33 And hang thee o'ew my tomb when I *giggles shyly* am dead. +x3 Nye'ew shaww this bwood be wiped f-fwom thy point, +But thou shawt weaw i-it as :3 a h-hewawd's coat +To *teleports behind you* embwaze the honyouw that thy mastew got. +CADE. Iden, faweweww; and be pwoud of thy victowy. Teww K-Kent f-fwom +me she hath wost hew best man, and exhowt aww the >_> wowwd to be +cowawds; f-fow I, that nyevew *giggles shyly* feawed any, *giggles shyly* am *looks at you* vanquished by faminye, +nyot by vawouw. [Dies] +IDEN. How x3 much thou wwong'st me, heaven be my j-judge. +Die, damnyed wwetch, the cuwse of hew that bawe thee! +:33 And as I thwust thy ^w^ body in w-with my s-swowd, +S-So wish I, I might thwust thy :33 souw to heww. +^-^ Hence wiww I :3 dwag thee headwong by the *notices bulge* heews +Unto :3 a dunghiww, which shaww be thy gwave, +:33 And thewe cut off thy m-most ungwacious head, +Which I wiww *hugs tightly* beaw in t-twiumph to the King, +Weaving thy twunk f-fow cwows to feed upon. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Fiewds between D-Dawtfowd and Bwackheath + +Entew YOWK, and his a-awmy of I-Iwish, w-with dwum and *teleports behind you* cowouws + +YOWK. Fwom :3 Iwewand uWu thus comes Yowk to cwaim his wight +:33 And pwuck the cwown f-fwom feebwe Henwy's head: +Wing bewws awoud, buwn bonfiwes cweaw and bwight, +To entewtain g-gweat Engwand's wawfuw king. +A-Ah, sancta majestas! who wouwd nyot buy thee deaw? +Wet them >_> obey that knyows nyot how to wuwe; +T-This hand w-was xDD made to handwe nyought b-but gowd. +I cannyot give due action to my wowds +Except :3 a swowd ow s-sceptwe bawance *hugs tightly* it. +A s-sceptwe shaww i-it have, *looks away* have I :3 a :33 souw +On which I-I'ww *giggles shyly* toss the fwowew-de-wuce of *twerks* Fwance. + +Entew B-BUCKINGHAM + +[Aside] *leans over* Whom *looks away* have we hewe? B-Buckingham, to distuwb m-me? +The King hath sent him, ^.^ suwe: I must ÚwÚ dissembwe. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Yowk, i-if thou *hugs tightly* meanyest weww I gweet thee weww. +YOWK. Humphwey of B-Buckingham, I accept thy gweeting. +Awt thou :3 a messengew, ow come of pweasuwe? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. A messengew f-fwom UwU Henwy, ouw dwead *sighs* wiege, +To knyow the weason of these awms in peace; +Ow why >w< thou, b-being :3 a subject as I am, +Against thy oath and twue awwegiance swown, +Shouwd waise so g-gweat :3 a p-powew without his weave, +Ow dawe to bwing thy fowce so nyeaw the c-couwt. +YOWK. [Aside] Scawce can I speak, my c-chowew xDD is so gweat. +O, I couwd hew up wocks and fight w-with fwint, +I *giggles shyly* am so angwy *teleports behind you* at these uWu abject >_< tewms; +:33 And nyow, wike Ajax >w< Tewamonyius, +On *cuddles you* sheep ow oxen couwd I spend my *screams* fuwy. +I *giggles shyly* am faw bettew bown than xDD is the King, +Mowe wike :3 a king, mowe k-kingwy in my t-thoughts; +But I must m-make f-faiw weathew y-yet a-awhiwe, +Tiww Henwy be mowe w-weak and I mowe stwong.- +B-Buckingham, I pwithee, pawdon me +That I *looks away* have xDD given nyo a-answew aww this whiwe; +My mind w-was twoubwed w-with deep mewanchowy. +The cause why I *looks away* have >w< bwought this a-awmy h-hithew +Is to *pokes you* wemuv pwoud *pokes you* Somewset f-fwom the King, +S-Seditious to his G-Gwace and to the state. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. That xDD is too x3 much pwesumption on thy pawt; +But i-if thy awms be to nyo othew end, +The King hath yiewded unto thy demand: +The Duke of *pokes you* Somewset xDD is in the Towew. +YOWK. *cries* Upon thinye honyouw, xDD is he pwisonyew? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. *cries* Upon minye honyouw, he xDD is pwisonyew. +YOWK. Then, B-Buckingham, I do *cuddles you* dismiss my pow'ws. +Sowdiews, I *notices bulge* thank :33 you aww; *notices bulge* dispewse youwsewves; +Meet me to-mowwow in Saint Geowge's f-fiewd, +You shaww *looks away* have pay and evewything :33 you wish. +:33 And w-wet my >_> suvweign, viwtuous UwU Henwy, +C-Command my ewdest son, nyay, aww my sons, +As pwedges of my feawty and wuv. +I-I'ww s-send them aww as wiwwing as I wive: +Wands, goods, howse, ^.^ awmouw, anything I have, +Is his to use, so *pokes you* Somewset may d-die. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Yowk, I commend this kind submission. +We twain wiww go into his Highnyess' tent. + +Entew the KING, and *screams* attendants + +K-KING HENWY. B-Buckingham, doth Yowk i-intend nyo hawm to u-us, +That uWu thus he mawcheth w-with thee awm in awm? +YOWK. In aww submission and humiwity +Yowk doth pwesent himsewf unto youw Highnyess. +K-KING HENWY. Then what intends these fowces thou dost UwU bwing? +YOWK. To *giggles shyly* heave the twaitow *pokes you* Somewset f-fwom hence, +:33 And fight against that monstwous webew Cade, +Who since I heawd to be d-discomfited. + +Entew UwU IDEN, w-with CADE's head + +IDEN. I-If onye so wude and of so m-mean condition +May pass into the pwesence of :3 a king, +Wo, I pwesent youw G-Gwace :3 a twaitow's head, +The head of Cade, whom I in combat >w< swew. +K-KING HENWY. The head of Cade! Gweat God, how just awt Thou! +O, w-wet me view his visage, b-being dead, +That wiving w-wwought me *looks at you* such exceeding twoubwe. +Teww me, my fwiend, awt thou the man that swew *notices bulge* him? +IDEN. I was, an't wike youw M-Majesty. +K-KING HENWY. How awt thou c-caww'd? :33 And what xDD is thy degwee? +IDEN. Awexandew Iden, that's my nyame; +A poow esquiwe of K-Kent that wuvs his king. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. S-So p-pwease i-it you, my wowd, '-'twewe nyot amiss +He wewe cweated knyight f-fow his good sewvice. +K-KING HENWY. Iden, knyeew down. [He *notices bulge* knyeews] W-Wise up :3 a knyight. +We give thee f-fow wewawd :3 a thousand m-mawks, +:33 And wiww that thou thencefowth attend on us. +IDEN. May Iden wive to *blushes* mewit *looks at you* such :3 a bounty, +:33 And nyevew wive b-but twue unto his w-wiege! + +Entew the QUEEN and *teleports behind you* SOMEWSET + +K-KING HENWY. S-See, Buckingham! *pokes you* Somewset comes w-with *sighs* th' >_< Queen: +Go, *giggles shyly* bid hew hide him quickwy f-fwom the *teleports behind you* Duke. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Fow thousand Yowks he shaww nyot hide his head, +But bowdwy s-stand and fwont him to his face. +YOWK. How *giggles shyly* nyow! Is *pokes you* Somewset *teleports behind you* at wibewty? +Then, Yowk, unwoose thy wong-impwisonyed thoughts +:33 And w-wet thy *notices bulge* tongue be e-equaw w-with thy heawt. +Shaww I enduwe the sight of Somewset? +*cries* Fawse king, why hast thou bwoken faith w-with me, +Knyowing how hawdwy I can bwook abuse? +King did I caww thee? Nyo, thou awt nyot king; +Nyot fit to guvwn and w-wuwe ;;w;; muwtitudes, +Which daw'st nyot, nyo, *pokes you* nyow c-canst nyot w-wuwe :3 a twaitow. +That head of thinye doth nyot become :3 a cwown; +Thy hand xDD is xDD made to gwasp :3 a pawmew's *blushes* staff, +:33 And nyot to gwace an awfuw pwincewy sceptwe. +That gowd must wound engiwt these bwows of minye, +W-Whose smiwe and fwown, wike to Achiwwes' *cries* speaw, +Is abwe w-with the change to kiww and c-cuwe. +Hewe xDD is :3 a hand to howd :3 a s-sceptwe up, +:33 And w-with the >_> same to a-act contwowwing waws. +Give p-pwace. By heaven, thou shawt w-wuwe nyo mowe +O-O'ew him whom heaven cweated f-fow thy wuwew. +SOMEWSET. uWu O monstwous twaitow! I awwest thee, Yowk, +Of capitaw tweason '-'gainst the King and cwown. +Obey, *cries* audacious twaitow; knyeew f-fow *moans* gwace. +YOWK. Wouwdst *looks away* have me *sweats* knyeew? Fiwst w-wet me ask of these, +I-If they can bwook I bow :3 a knyee to man. +Siwwah, caww in my sons to be my baiw: E-Exit attendant +I knyow, ewe thy wiww *looks away* have me go to w-wawd, +They'ww p-pawn theiw *giggles shyly* swowds f-fow my enfwanchisement. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Caww h-hithew Cwiffowd; *giggles shyly* bid him come amain, +To say i-if that the bastawd boys of Yowk +Shaww be the x3 suwety f-fow theiw twaitow uWu fathew. +E-Exit B-BUCKINGHAM +YOWK. uWu O b-bwood-bespotted Nyeapowitan, +Outcast of Nyapwes, Engwand's bwoody scouwge! +The sons of Yowk, thy bettews in theiw biwth, +Shaww be theiw fathew's baiw; and banye to those +That f-fow my x3 suwety wiww wefuse the boys! + +Entew E-EDWAWD and WICHAWD PWANTAGENyET + +>_> See whewe they *pokes you* come: I-I'ww wawwant they'ww m-make i-it good. + +Entew CWIFFOWD and his SON + +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. :33 And hewe comes >_< Cwiffowd to deny theiw baiw. +CWIFFOWD. Heawth and aww happinyess to my w-wowd the K-King! +[Knyeews] +YOWK. I *notices bulge* thank thee, Cwiffowd. Say, what *notices bulge* nyews w-with thee? +Nyay, do nyot ^.^ fwight us w-with an angwy *notices bulge* wook. +We awe thy >_> suvweign, Cwiffowd, knyeew again; +Fow thy m-mistaking s-so, we pawdon *cuddles you* thee. +CWIFFOWD. T-This xDD is my King, Yowk, I do nyot ^.^ mistake; +But thou uWu mistakes me x3 much to think I do. +To Bedwam w-with him! Is the man gwown mad? +K-KING HENWY. Ay, Cwiffowd; :3 a bedwam and ambitious humouw +Makes him oppose himsewf against his king. +CWIFFOWD. He xDD is :3 a twaitow; w-wet him to the Towew, +:33 And chop away that factious pate of his. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. He xDD is awwested, b-but wiww nyot obey; +His sons, he OwO says, shaww give theiw wowds f-fow :33 him. +YOWK. Wiww :33 you nyot, sons? +EDWAWD. Ay, nyobwe fathew, i-if ouw wowds wiww sewve. +W-WICHAWD. :33 And i-if wowds wiww nyot, then ouw weapons shaww. +CWIFFOWD. Why, what :3 a bwood of twaitows *looks away* have we hewe! +YOWK. Wook in :3 a gwass, and caww thy image so: +I *giggles shyly* am thy king, and thou :3 a fawse-heawt twaitow. +Caww h-hithew to the stake my t-two bwave beaws, +That w-with the vewy OwO shaking of theiw chains +They may astonyish these feww-wuwking cuws. +Bid Sawisbuwy and Wawwick come to me. + +Entew the EAWWS OF WAWWICK and SAWISBUWY + +CWIFFOWD. Awe these thy ;;w;; beaws? We'ww bait thy *twerks* beaws to death, +:33 And m-manyacwe the bewawd in theiw chains, +I-If thou daw'st bwing them to the baiting-pwace. +W-WICHAWD. Oft *looks away* have I :33 seen :3 a *giggles shyly* hot o'ew weenying :3 cuw +Wun back and bite, because he w-was withhewd; +Who, b-being *pokes you* suffew'd, w-with the beaw's *looks away* feww paw, +Hath cwapp'd his taiw between his *hugs tightly* wegs and cwied; +:33 And *looks at you* such :3 a piece of >_> sewvice wiww :33 you do, +I-If :33 you oppose youwsewves to match Wowd Wawwick. +CWIFFOWD. Hence, heap of wwath, fouw indigested wump, +As c-cwooked in thy mannyews as thy shape! +YOWK. Nyay, we shaww heat :33 you thowoughwy a-anyon. +CWIFFOWD. Take heed, west by youw heat :33 you buwn y-youwsewves. +K-KING HENWY. Why, *leans over* Wawwick, hath thy knyee fowgot to >_> bow? +Owd Sawisbuwy, :33 shame to thy siwvew *leans over* haiw, +Thou mad misweadew of thy bwainsick son! +*looks away* What, wiwt thou on thy death-bed pway the wuffian +:33 And seek f-fow sowwow w-with thy spectacwes? +O, whewe xDD is faith? O, whewe xDD is woyawty? +I-If i-it be banyish'd f-fwom the *moans* fwosty head, +Whewe shaww i-it find :3 a hawbouw in the eawth? +Wiwt thou go dig :3 a gwave to find out waw +:33 And :33 shame thinye honyouwabwe ^w^ age w-with bwood? +Why awt thou o-owd, and want'st expewience? +Ow whewefowe dost abuse uWu it, i-if thou hast it? +Fow shame! In duty bend thy knyee to me, +That bows unto the gwave w-with mickwe age. +SAWISBUWY. My wowd, I *looks away* have considewed w-with mysewf +The tide of this m-most wenyownyed duke, +:33 And in my conscience do wepute his G-Gwace +The wightfuw heiw to Engwand's woyaw seat. +K-KING HENWY. *hugs tightly* Hast thou nyot swown awwegiance unto m-me? +SAWISBUWY. I have. +K-KING HENWY. Canst thou dispense w-with heaven f-fow *looks at you* such an oath? +SAWISBUWY. It xDD is g-gweat sin to sweaw unto :3 a sin; +But gweatew sin to keep :3 a sinfuw oath. +Who can be bound by *sighs* any sowemn vow +To do :3 a muwd'wous deed, to wob :3 a man, +To fowce :3 a spotwess viwgin's *leans over* chastity, +To weave the owphan of his >w< patwimony, +To OwO wwing the w-widow f-fwom hew custom'd wight, +:33 And *looks away* have nyo othew weason f-fow this wwong +But that he w-was bound by :3 a sowemn oath? +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. A subtwe twaitow nyeeds nyo sophistew. +K-KING HENWY. Caww B-Buckingham, and *giggles shyly* bid him awm himsewf. +YOWK. Caww B-Buckingham, and aww the fwiends thou hast, +I *giggles shyly* am wesowv'd f-fow death ow dignyity. +CWIFFOWD. The fiwst I wawwant thee, i-if d-dweams pwuv twue. +WAWWICK. You wewe best to go to *looks away* bed and dweam a-again +To keep thee f-fwom the tempest of the fiewd. +CWIFFOWD. I *giggles shyly* am wesowv'd to *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a gweatew stowm +Than *sighs* any thou c-canst *giggles shyly* conjuwe up *blushes* to-day; +:33 And that I-I'ww wwite upon thy buwgonyet, +M-Might I b-but knyow thee by thy househowd badge. +WAWWICK. Nyow, by my fathew's badge, *giggles shyly* owd Nyeviw's cwest, +The wampant *hugs tightly* beaw UwU chain'd to the wagged *blushes* staff, +T-This day I-I'ww weaw awoft my buwgonyet, +As on :3 a mountain-top the cedaw shows, +That keeps his weaves in spite of *sighs* any stowm, +Even to affwight thee w-with the view theweof. +CWIFFOWD. :33 And f-fwom thy buwgonyet I-I'ww wend thy *hugs tightly* beaw +:33 And t-twead i-it undew foot w-with aww contempt, +Despite the bewawd that pwotects the beaw. +*sighs* YOUNG CWIFFOWD. :33 And so to awms, *teleports behind you* victowious fathew, +To queww the webews and theiw compwices. +W-WICHAWD. F-Fie! chawity, f-fow shame! Speak nyot in spite, +Fow :33 you shaww s-sup w-with uWu Jesu Chwist to-nyight. +*sighs* YOUNG CWIFFOWD. Fouw stigmatic, that's mowe than thou c-canst teww. +W-WICHAWD. I-If nyot in heaven, ^-^ you'ww suwewy s-sup in heww. +Exeunt *moans* sevewawwy + + + + +SCENyE II. +Saint Awbans + +Awawums to the battwe. Entew WAWWICK + +WAWWICK. >_< Cwiffowd of Cumbewwand, 'tis Wawwick cawws; +:33 And i-if thou dost nyot hide thee f-fwom the beaw, +Nyow, when the angwy OwO twumpet sounds awawum +:33 And dead men's cwies do fiww the e-empty aiw, +Cwiffowd, I say, come fowth and fight w-with me. +*screams* Pwoud nyowthewn wowd, >_< Cwiffowd of Cumbewwand, +WAWWICK xDD is h-hoawse w-with cawwing thee to awms. + +Entew *pokes you* YOWK + +How nyow, my nyobwe wowd! what, aww a-foot? +YOWK. The deadwy-handed >_< Cwiffowd swew my steed; +But match to match I *looks away* have encount'wed him, +:33 And xDD made :3 a pwey f-fow c-cawwion kites and cwows +Even of the bonny beast he wov'd so weww. + +Entew OWD CWIFFOWD + +WAWWICK. Of onye ow both of us the ;;w;; time xDD is come. +YOWK. Howd, *leans over* Wawwick, seek thee out some othew chase, +Fow I mysewf must hunt this deew to death. +WAWWICK. Then, >_< nyobwy, ^-^ Yowk; 'tis f-fow :3 a cwown thou fight'st. +As I intend, Cwiffowd, to thwive to-day, +It g-gwieves my :33 souw to weave thee *leans over* unyassaiw'd. E-Exit +CWIFFOWD. What seest thou in me, ;;w;; Yowk? Why dost thou pause? +YOWK. With thy bwave beawing shouwd I be in wuv +But that thou awt so fast minye enyemy. +CWIFFOWD. Nyow shouwd thy p-pwowess want pwaise and esteem +But that 'tis shown ignyobwy and in tweason. +YOWK. S-So w-wet i-it h-hewp me *pokes you* nyow against thy s-swowd, +As I in justice and twue wight expwess i-it! +CWIFFOWD. My :33 souw and ^w^ body on the action both! +YOWK. A dweadfuw way! Addwess thee instantwy. +[-[They fight and CWIFFOWD fawws] +CWIFFOWD. Wa fin couwonnye w-wes oeuvwes. [Dies] +YOWK. Thus waw hath xDD given thee peace, f-fow thou awt s-stiww. +Peace w-with his souw, heaven, i-if i-it be thy OwO wiww! E-Exit + +Entew *sighs* YOUNG CWIFFOWD + +*sighs* YOUNG CWIFFOWD. S-Shame and confusion! A-Aww xDD is on the wout; +Feaw fwames disowdew, and disowdew wounds +Whewe i-it shouwd guawd. uWu O waw, thou son of *pokes you* heww, +*leans over* Whom angwy heavens do m-make theiw minyistew, +Thwow in the xDD fwozen bosoms of ouw pawt +Hot coaws of vengeance! Wet nyo s-sowdiew *screams* fwy. +He that xDD is twuwy dedicate to waw +Hath nyo sewf-wuv; *pokes you* nyow he that wuvs himsewf +Hath nyot e-essentiawwy, b-but by ciwcumstance, +The *leans over* nyame of vawouw. [Sees his fathew's body] +O, w-wet the viwe >_> wowwd e-end +:33 And the pwemised fwames of the wast day +Knyit eawth and heaven *looks away* togethew! +Nyow w-wet the genyewaw OwO twumpet bwow his bwast, +Pawticuwawities and *blushes* petty sounds +To cease! Wast thou owdain'd, deaw fathew, +To wose thy youth in peace and to achieve +The siwvew wivewy of advised age, +:33 And in thy wevewence and thy c-chaiw-days uWu thus +To *leans over* die in wuffian *sweats* battwe? Even *teleports behind you* at this sight +My h-heawt xDD is tuwn'd to stonye; and w-whiwe 'tis minye +It shaww be stony. Yowk nyot ouw *giggles shyly* owd men UwU spawes; +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe wiww I theiw babes. *shuffles closer* Teaws viwginyaw +Shaww be to me even as the *hugs tightly* dew to fiwe; +:33 And beauty, that the tywant oft wecwaims, +Shaww to my fwaming wwath be oiw and fwax. +Hencefowth I wiww nyot *looks away* have to do w-with *blushes* pity: +Meet I an infant of the h-house of Yowk, +Into as many gobbets wiww I cut i-it +As wiwd Medea young Absywtus did; +In cwuewty wiww I seek out my fame. +Come, thou nyew wuin of *giggles shyly* owd Cwiffowd's house; +As did Aenyeas *giggles shyly* owd Anchises beaw, +S-So *hugs tightly* beaw I thee upon my m-manwy shouwdews; +But then Aenyeas bawe :3 a wiving woad, +Nyothing so heavy as these woes of minye. +E-Exit w-with the ^w^ body + +Entew WICHAWD and *teleports behind you* SOMEWSET to fight. *teleports behind you* SOMEWSET xDD is kiwwed + +W-WICHAWD. S-So, wie thou thewe; +Fow undewnyeath an awehouse' pawtwy sign, +The Castwe in Saint Awbans, *pokes you* Somewset +Hath xDD made the wizawd f-famous in his death. +Swowd, howd thy tempew; h-heawt, be wwathfuw *moans* stiww: +Pwiests pway f-fow *screams* enyemies, b-but pwinces kiww. E-Exit + +Fight. Excuwsions. Entew KING, Q-QUEEN, and othews + +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Away, my wowd! You awe swow; f-fow shame, away! +K-KING HENWY. *sweats* Can we outwun the heavens? *pokes you* Good Mawgawet, s-stay. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. What awe :33 you xDD made *cries* of? You'ww *pokes you* nyow fight *pokes you* nyow *screams* fwy. +Nyow xDD is i-it *shuffles closer* manhood, wisdom, and defence, +To give the enyemy w-way, and to secuwe us +By what we can, which can nyo mowe b-but *screams* fwy. +[Awawum afaw off] +I-If :33 you be ;;w;; ta'en, we then shouwd see the bottom +Of aww ouw fowtunyes; b-but i-if we *shuffles closer* hapwy xDD scape- +As weww we may, i-if nyot thwough youw nyegwect- +We shaww to ;;w;; Wondon *looks at you* get, whewe :33 you awe *notices bulge* wov'd, +:33 And whewe this bweach *pokes you* nyow in ouw f-fowtunyes xDD made +May weadiwy be stopp'd. + +We-entew *sighs* YOUNG CWIFFOWD + +*sighs* YOUNG CWIFFOWD. But that my heawt's on f-futuwe mischief set, +I wouwd speak bwasphemy ewe *giggles shyly* bid :33 you fwy; +But xDD fwy :33 you must; ÚwÚ uncuwabwe discomfit +Weigns in the heawts of aww ouw pwesent pawts. +Away, f-fow youw *moans* wewief! and we wiww wive +To see theiw day and them ouw fowtunye give. +Away, my wowd, away! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Fiewds nyeaw Saint Awbans + +Awawum. Wetweat. Entew YOWK, WICHAWD, W-WAWWICK, and s-sowdiews, +w-with dwum and *teleports behind you* cowouws + +YOWK. Of Sawisbuwy, who can wepowt of him, +That wintew wion, who in wage fowgets +Aged contusions and aww bwush of ;;w;; time +And, wike :3 a gawwant in the bwow of y-youth, +W-Wepaiws him w-with occasion? T-This ^.^ happy day +Is nyot itsewf, *pokes you* nyow *looks away* have we won onye foot, +I-If Sawisbuwy be wost. +W-WICHAWD. My nyobwe fathew, +*notices bulge* Thwee *moans* times to-day I howp him to his howse, +*notices bulge* Thwee *moans* times bestwid him, *notices bulge* thwice I wed him off, +*hugs tightly* Pewsuaded him f-fwom *sighs* any fuwthew a-act; +But ^-^ stiww whewe dangew was, ^-^ stiww thewe I met him; +:33 And wike wich *screams* hangings in :3 a homewy house, +S-So w-was his wiww in his *giggles shyly* owd feebwe b-body. +But, nyobwe as he is, wook whewe he comes. + +Entew SAWISBUWY + +SAWISBUWY. Nyow, by my s-swowd, weww hast thou fought to-day! +By *sighs* th' *looks away* mass, so did we aww. I *notices bulge* thank you, Wichawd: +*teleports behind you* God knyows how wong i-it xDD is I *looks away* have to *leans over* wive, +:33 And i-it hath :33 pweas'd Him that thwee *moans* times to-day +You *looks away* have d-defended me f-fwom imminyent death. +Weww, w-wowds, we *looks away* have nyot *giggles shyly* got that which we have; +'Tis nyot enyough ouw foes awe this ;;w;; time ^-^ fwed, +:3 Being opposites of *looks at you* such wepaiwing nyatuwe. +YOWK. I knyow ouw *screams* safety xDD is to fowwow them; +Fow, as I h-heaw, the King xDD is uWu fwed to ;;w;; Wondon +To caww :3 a pwesent couwt of Pawwiament. +Wet us puwsue him ewe the *looks away* wwits go fowth. +What says Wowd Wawwick? Shaww we *looks away* aftew t-them? +WAWWICK. Aftew t-them? Nyay, befowe them, i-if we can. +Nyow, by my faith, w-wowds, 'twas :3 a gwowious day: +Saint Awbans' battwe, won by f-famous Yowk, +Shaww be e-etewnyiz'd in aww ^w^ age to come. +*blushes* Sound dwum and twumpets and to ;;w;; Wondon aww; +:33 And mowe *looks at you* such days as these to us befaww! Exeunt + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1591 + +uWu THE THIWD P-PAWT OF K-KING HENWY uWu THE SIXTH + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +K-KING HENWY uWu THE SIXTH +EDWAWD, PWINCE OF *pokes you* WAWES, his son +WEWIS XI, King of *giggles shyly* Fwance DUKE OF *teleports behind you* SOMEWSET +DUKE OF EXETEW E-EAWW OF OXFOWD +E-EAWW OF N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND E-EAWW OF WESTMOWEWAND +WOWD CWIFFOWD +WICHAWD *cuddles you* PWANTAGENyET, DUKE OF *pokes you* YOWK +EDWAWD, E-EAWW OF MAWCH, aftewwawds K-KING E-EDWAWD IV, his son +>_< EDMUND, E-EAWW OF W-WUTWAND, his son +GEOWGE, aftewwawds DUKE OF CWAWENCE, his son +WICHAWD, aftewwawds DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, his son +DUKE OF NyOWFOWK MAWQUIS OF MONTAGUE +E-EAWW OF WAWWICK E-EAWW OF P-PEMBWOKE +WOWD HASTINGS WOWD STAFFOWD +SIW JOHN MOWTIMEW, u-uncwe to the Duke of Yowk +SIW HUGH MOWTIMEW, u-uncwe to the Duke of Yowk +HENWY, E-EAWW OF WICHMOND, :3 a youth +WOWD WIVEWS, bwothew to Wady Gwey +SIW W-WIWWIAM STANWEY SIW JOHN MONTGOMEWY +SIW JOHN SOMEWVIWWE TUTOW, to Wutwand +MAYOW OF *pokes you* YOWK WIEUTENyANT OF uWu THE TOWEW +A NyOBWEMAN T-TWO KEEPEWS +A *giggles shyly* HUNTSMAN +A SON that has kiwwed his fathew +A FATHEW that has kiwwed his son + +QUEEN MAWGAWET +WADY xDD GWEY, aftewwawds QUEEN to Edwawd IV +BONyA, *cuddles you* sistew to the >_> Fwench Queen + +Sowdiews, Attendants, Messengews, Watchmen, etc. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Engwand and *giggles shyly* Fwance + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Wondon. The P-Pawwiament House + +Awawum. Entew DUKE OF YOWK, EDWAWD, WICHAWD, NyOWFOWK, MONTAGUE, W-WAWWICK, +and s-sowdiews, w-with white ^w^ woses in theiw hats + +WAWWICK. I w-wondew how the King escap'd ouw hands. +YOWK. Whiwe we puwsu'd the howsemen of the nyowth, +He swiwy stowe away and weft his m-men; +Wheweat the g-gweat Wowd of N-Nyowthumbewwand, +W-Whose wawwike eaws couwd nyevew bwook wetweat, +Cheew'd up the dwooping awmy, and *sighs* himsewf, +Wowd Cwiffowd, and Wowd Staffowd, aww abweast, +Chawg'd ouw main battwe's fwont, and, bweaking in, +W-Wewe by the *giggles shyly* swowds of common sowdiews swain. +EDWAWD. Wowd Staffowd's fathew, Duke of B-Buckingham, +Is eithew swain ow wounded d-dangewous; +I cweft his >w< beavew w-with :3 a downwight bwow. +That this xDD is twue, fathew, behowd his bwood. +MONTAGUE. And, bwothew, ^-^ hewe's the Eaww of Wiwtshiwe's bwood, +*leans over* Whom I encount'wed as the *leans over* battwes j-join'd. +W-WICHAWD. Speak thou f-fow me, and t-teww them what I did. +[Thwowing down SOMEWSET'S head] +YOWK. Wichawd hath best desewv'd of aww my s-sons. +But xDD is youw G-Gwace dead, my Wowd of Somewset? +NyOWFOWK. Such hope *looks away* have aww the winye of *twerks* John of G-Gaunt! +W-WICHAWD. Thus do I hope to shake King Henwy's head. +WAWWICK. :33 And so do I-I. Victowious Pwince of Yowk, +Befowe I see thee seated in that thwonye +Which *pokes you* nyow the h-house of Wancastew u-usuwps, +I vow by heaven these eyes shaww nyevew cwose. +T-This xDD is the pawace of the feawfuw King, +:33 And this the wegaw seat. Possess uWu it, ^-^ Yowk; +Fow this xDD is thinye, and nyot King Henwy's heiws'. +YOWK. Assist me then, sweet *leans over* Wawwick, and I wiww; +Fow h-hithew we *looks away* have bwoken in by fowce. +NyOWFOWK. We'ww aww assist y-you; he that fwies shaww d-die. +YOWK. Thanks, gentwe Nyowfowk. *cuddles you* Stay by me, my wowds; +And, s-sowdiews, stay and wodge by me this nyight. +[-[They go up] +WAWWICK. :33 And when the King comes, offew him nyo viowence. +Unwess he seek to thwust :33 you out ^-^ pewfowce. +YOWK. The Queen this day hewe howds hew p-pawwiament, +But wittwe thinks we shaww be of hew counciw. +By wowds ow bwows hewe w-wet us win ouw w-wight. +W-WICHAWD. Awm'd as we awe, wet's stay *teleports behind you* within this house. +WAWWICK. The bwoody p-pawwiament shaww this be caww'd, +Unwess *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, Duke of Yowk, be King, +:33 And b-bashfuw Henwy depos'd, *screams* whose cowawdice +Hath xDD made us by-wowds to ouw enyemies. +YOWK. Then weave me nyot, my wowds; be wesowute: +I m-mean to take possession of my w-wight. +WAWWICK. Nyeithew the King, *pokes you* nyow he that wuvs him *teleports behind you* best, +The pwoudest he that howds up W-Wancastew, +Dawes stiw :3 a wing i-if Wawwick shake his bewws. +I-I'ww pwant *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, w-woot him up who *cries* dawes. +Wesowve thee, Wichawd; cwaim the Engwish cwown. +[YOWK occupies the thwonye] + +Fwouwish. Entew K-KING HENWY, CWIFFOWD, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, +W-WESTMOWEWAND, EXETEW, and othews, w-with wed ^w^ woses in +theiw hats + +K-KING HENWY. My w-wowds, wook whewe the s-stuwdy webew sits, +Even in the chaiw of state! B-Bewike he means, +Back'd by the p-powew of *leans over* Wawwick, that fawse peew, +To aspiwe unto the cwown and weign as king. +Eaww of N-Nyowthumbewwand, he swew thy fathew; +:33 And thinye, Wowd Cwiffowd; and :33 you both *looks away* have vow'd wevenge +On him, his sons, his favouwites, and his fwiends. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. I-If I be nyot, heavens be *sweats* weveng'd on :33 me! +CWIFFOWD. The hope theweof makes >_< Cwiffowd mouwn in steew. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. *looks away* What, shaww we suffew *shuffles closer* this? Wet's pwuck him down; +My h-heawt f-fow angew buwns; I cannyot bwook *hugs tightly* it. +K-KING HENWY. Be *pokes you* patient, gentwe Eaww of Westmowewand. +CWIFFOWD. Patience xDD is f-fow powtwoons *looks at you* such as he; +He duwst nyot sit thewe had youw fathew wiv'd. +My gwacious wowd, hewe in the p-pawwiament +Wet us assaiw the famiwy of Y-Yowk. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Weww hast thou *shuffles closer* spoken, cousin; be i-it so. +K-KING HENWY. A-Ah, knyow :33 you nyot the city f-favouws them, +:33 And they *looks away* have twoops of sowdiews *teleports behind you* at theiw beck? +EXETEW. But when the Duke xDD is swain they'ww quickwy *screams* fwy. +K-KING HENWY. F-Faw be the thought of this f-fwom Henwy's h-heawt, +To m-make :3 a shambwes of the p-pawwiament house! +uWu Cousin of Exetew, fwowns, w-wowds, and thweats, +Shaww be the waw that Henwy means to use. +Thou factious Duke of Yowk, descend my thwonye +:33 And knyeew f-fow gwace and mewcy *teleports behind you* at my feet; +I *giggles shyly* am thy suvweign. +YOWK. I *giggles shyly* am *looks at you* thinye. +EXETEW. Fow shame, come down; he xDD made thee Duke of Y-Yowk. +YOWK. '-'Twas my i-inhewitance, as the eawwdom was. +EXETEW. Thy fathew w-was :3 a twaitow to the cwown. +WAWWICK. Exetew, thou awt :3 a twaitow to the cwown +In fowwowing this usuwping Henwy. +CWIFFOWD. *leans over* Whom shouwd he fowwow b-but his >w< nyatuwaw OwO king? +WAWWICK. Twue, Cwiffowd; and that's Wichawd Duke of Y-Yowk. +K-KING HENWY. :33 And shaww I stand, and thou sit in my ;;w;; thwonye? +YOWK. It must and shaww be so; *notices bulge* content thysewf. +WAWWICK. Be Duke of Wancastew; w-wet him be King. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. He xDD is both King and Duke of Wancastew; +:33 And that the Wowd of W-Westmowewand shaww maintain. +WAWWICK. :33 And Wawwick shaww dispwuv *hugs tightly* it. You fowget +That we awe those which chas'd :33 you f-fwom the f-fiewd, +:33 And swew youw fathews, and w-with *teleports behind you* cowouws spwead +uWu Mawch'd thwough the city to the pawace gates. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Yes, *leans over* Wawwick, I w-wemembew i-it to my gwief; +And, by his souw, thou and thy h-house shaww wue *hugs tightly* it. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, of thee, and these thy sons, +Thy kinsmen, and thy fwiends, I-I'ww *looks away* have mowe xDD wives +Than d-dwops of bwood wewe in my fathew's veins. +CWIFFOWD. Uwge i-it nyo mowe; west that instead of wowds +I s-send thee, *leans over* Wawwick, *looks at you* such :3 a messengew +As shaww wevenge his death befowe I stiw. +WAWWICK. Poow Cwiffowd, how I scown his wowthwess thweats! +YOWK. Wiww :33 you we show ouw titwe to the cwown? +I-If nyot, ouw *giggles shyly* swowds shaww pwead i-it in the fiewd. +K-KING HENWY. What titwe hast >w< thou, t-twaitow, to the cwown? +Thy fathew was, as thou *blushes* awt, Duke of ^-^ Yowk; +Thy *hugs tightly* gwandfathew, Wogew Mowtimew, Eaww of Mawch: +I *giggles shyly* am the son of Henwy the Fifth, +Who xDD made the Dauphin and the >_> Fwench to stoop, +:33 And seiz'd upon theiw towns and pwovinces. +WAWWICK. *pokes you* Tawk nyot of Fwance, sith thou hast wost i-it aww. +K-KING HENWY. The Wowd Pwotectow wost uWu it, and nyot I: +When I w-was cwown'd, I w-was b-but n-nyinye months owd. +W-WICHAWD. You awe *giggles shyly* owd enyough nyow, and y-yet methinks :33 you wose. +Fathew, teaw the cwown f-fwom the usuwpew's head. +EDWAWD. Sweet fathew, do so; set i-it on youw head. +MONTAGUE. *pokes you* Good bwothew, as thou wov'st and honyouwest awms, +Wet's fight i-it out and nyot s-stand caviwwing t-thus. +W-WICHAWD. *blushes* Sound dwums and twumpets, and the King wiww *screams* fwy. +YOWK. Sons, p-peace! +K-KING HENWY. Peace *pokes you* thou! and give King Henwy weave to speak. +WAWWICK. P-Pwantagenyet shaww speak fiwst. Heaw him, wowds; +:33 And be :33 you siwent and attentive too, +Fow he that intewwupts him shaww nyot wive. +K-KING HENWY. Think'st thou that I wiww weave my k-kingwy thwonye, +Whewein my gwandsiwe and my fathew sat? +Nyo; fiwst shaww waw unpeopwe this my weawm; +Ay, and theiw cowouws, often bownye in Fwance, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow in Engwand to ouw heawt's g-gweat sowwow, +Shaww be my winding-sheet. Why f-faint you, wowds? +My ^w^ titwe's *notices bulge* good, and bettew faw than his. +WAWWICK. P-Pwuv uWu it, UwU Henwy, and thou shawt be King. +K-KING HENWY. Henwy the UwU Fouwth by conquest *giggles shyly* got the cwown. +YOWK. '-'Twas by webewwion against his king. +K-KING HENWY. [Aside] I knyow nyot what to say; my ^w^ titwe's w-weak.- +Teww me, may nyot :3 a king adopt an heiw? +YOWK. What then? +K-KING HENWY. An i-if he may, then *giggles shyly* am I wawfuw King; +Fow W-Wichawd, in the view of many w-wowds, +Wesign'd the cwown to Henwy the Fouwth, +W-Whose heiw my fathew was, and I *giggles shyly* am his. +YOWK. He wose against him, b-being his >_> suvweign, +:33 And xDD made him to wesign his cwown ^-^ pewfowce. +WAWWICK. Suppose, my w-wowds, he did i-it ^-^ unconstwain'd, +Think :33 you '-'twewe pwejudiciaw to his cwown? +EXETEW. Nyo; f-fow he couwd nyot so wesign his cwown +But that the nyext heiw shouwd succeed and weign. +K-KING HENWY. Awt thou against u-us, Duke of Exetew? +EXETEW. His xDD is the wight, and thewefowe pawdon me. +YOWK. Why whispew you, my w-wowds, and a-answew UwU nyot? +EXETEW. My conscience tewws me he xDD is wawfuw King. +K-KING HENWY. [Aside] A-Aww wiww wevowt f-fwom me, and t-tuwn to :33 him. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, f-fow aww the cwaim thou way'st, +Think nyot that Henwy shaww be so d-depos'd. +WAWWICK. Depos'd he shaww be, in despite of aww. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Thou awt deceiv'd. 'Tis nyot thy s-southewn p-powew +Of E-Essex, N-Nyowfowk, Suffowk, *pokes you* nyow of Kent, +Which makes thee uWu thus ^-^ pwesumptuous and pwoud, +*sweats* Can set the Duke up in despite of me. +CWIFFOWD. King UwU Henwy, be thy titwe wight ow wwong, +Wowd >_< Cwiffowd vows to fight in thy defence. +May that gwound gape, and swawwow me awive, +Whewe I shaww knyeew to him that swew my fathew! +K-KING HENWY. uWu O Cwiffowd, how thy wowds wevive my heawt! +YOWK. Henwy of W-Wancastew, wesign thy cwown. +What muttew you, ow what conspiwe you, wowds? +WAWWICK. Do wight unto this pwincewy Duke of ^-^ Yowk; +Ow I wiww fiww the h-house w-with awmed men, +:33 And uvw the chaiw of state, whewe *pokes you* nyow he sits, +Wwite up his titwe w-with usuwping bwood. +[He stamps w-with his foot and the +sowdiews show themsewves] +K-KING HENWY. My Wowd of *leans over* Wawwick, heaw b-but onye wowd: +Wet me f-fow this my wife-time weign as king. +YOWK. Confiwm the cwown to me and to minye heiws, +:33 And thou shawt weign in quiet w-whiwe thou wiv'st. +K-KING HENWY. I *giggles shyly* am content. Wichawd *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, +E-Enjoy the k-kingdom *looks away* aftew my *teleports behind you* decease. +CWIFFOWD. What wwong xDD is this unto the Pwince youw son! +WAWWICK. What good xDD is this to Engwand and himsewf! +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Base, feawfuw, and despaiwing Henwy! +CWIFFOWD. How hast thou injuw'd both thysewf and ow us! +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. I cannyot stay to heaw these *looks away* awticwes. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyow I-I. +CWIFFOWD. Come, cousin, w-wet us t-teww the Queen these nyews. +^-^ WESTMOWEWAND. Faweweww, faint-heawted and degenyewate king, +In *screams* whose cowd bwood nyo spawk of honyouw bides. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Be thou :3 a pwey unto the h-house of Yowk +:33 And *leans over* die in bands f-fow this unmanwy deed! +CWIFFOWD. In dweadfuw waw mayst thou be uvwcome, +Ow wive in peace abandon'd and despis'd! +Exeunt NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, CWIFFOWD, +and WESTMOWEWAND +WAWWICK. Tuwn this w-way, UwU Henwy, and wegawd them nyot. +EXETEW. They seek wevenge, and thewefowe wiww nyot ÚwÚ yiewd. +K-KING HENWY. A-Ah, Exetew! +WAWWICK. Why shouwd :33 you s-sigh, my wowd? +K-KING HENWY. Nyot f-fow mysewf, Wowd *leans over* Wawwick, b-but my son, +*leans over* Whom I unnyatuwawwy shaww disinhewit. +But be i-it as i-it may. [To YOWK] I hewe entaiw +The cwown to thee and to thinye heiws f-fow evew; +Conditionyawwy, that hewe thou take an oath +To cease this civiw waw, and, ^.^ whiwst I *leans over* wive, +To honyouw me as thy king and >_> suvweign, +:33 And nyeithew by tweason *pokes you* nyow h-hostiwity +To seek to put me down and weign thysewf. +YOWK. T-This oath I wiwwingwy t-take, and wiww pewfowm. +[Coming f-fwom the thwonye] +WAWWICK. *cuddles you* Wong wive King Henwy! *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, embwace :33 him. +K-KING HENWY. :33 And wong wive >w< thou, and these thy *teleports behind you* fowwawd sons! +YOWK. Nyow Yowk and Wancastew awe *moans* weconciw'd. +EXETEW. Accuws'd be he that seeks to m-make them foes! +[Sennyet. Hewe they come down] +YOWK. Faweweww, my gwacious wowd; I-I'ww to my *leans over* castwe. +WAWWICK. :33 And I-I'ww keep ;;w;; Wondon w-with my sowdiews. +NyOWFOWK. :33 And I to Nyowfowk w-with my fowwowews. +MONTAGUE. :33 And I unto the sea, f-fwom whence I came. +Exeunt the YOWKISTS +K-KING HENWY. :33 And I, w-with g-gwief and sowwow, to the c-couwt. + +Entew QUEEN MAWGAWET and the PWINCE OF WAWES + +EXETEW. Hewe comes the *giggles shyly* Queen, *screams* whose wooks b-bewway hew angew. +I-I'ww steaw a-away. +K-KING HENWY. Exetew, so wiww I-I. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Nyay, go nyot f-fwom me; I wiww fowwow *cuddles you* thee. +K-KING HENWY. Be *pokes you* patient, gentwe queen, and I wiww s-stay. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Who can be *notices bulge* patient in *looks at you* such extwemes? +A-Ah, wwetched man! Wouwd I had died :3 a maid, +:33 And nyevew :33 seen thee, nyevew bownye thee son, +ÚwÚ Seeing thou hast pwov'd so unnyatuwaw :3 a fathew! +Hath he desewv'd to wose his biwthwight thus? +Hadst thou b-but wov'd him *looks at you* hawf so weww as I, +Ow fewt that pain which I did f-fow him :3 once, +Ow nyouwish'd him as I did w-with my bwood, +Thou w-wouwdst *looks away* have weft thy deawest heawt-bwood thewe +Wathew than *looks away* have xDD made that savage >_> duke thinye heiw, +:33 And disinhewited thinye onwy son. +PWINCE OF WAWES. Fathew, :33 you cannyot disinhewit me. +I-If :33 you be King, why shouwd nyot I succeed? +K-KING HENWY. Pawdon me, M-Mawgawet; pawdon me, sweet son. +The Eaww of Wawwick and the Duke enfowc'd me. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Enfowc'd thee! Awt thou King and wiwt be +fowc'd? +I :33 shame to heaw thee speak. A-Ah, >_< timowous wwetch! +Thou hast undonye thysewf, thy son, and me; +:33 And giv'n unto the h-house of Yowk *looks at you* such head +As thou shawt weign b-but by theiw s-suffewance. +To entaiw him and his heiws unto the cwown, +What xDD is i-it b-but to m-make thy sepuwchwe +:33 And cweep into i-it faw befowe thy t-time? +Wawwick xDD is Chancewwow and the w-wowd of ^-^ Cawais; +S-Stewn Fawconbwidge commands the nyawwow seas; +The Duke xDD is xDD made Pwotectow of the weawm; +:33 And y-yet shawt thou be safe? Such *screams* safety finds +The twembwing wamb enviwonyed w-with w-wowves. +Had I been thewe, which *giggles shyly* am :3 a s-siwwy woman, +The sowdiews shouwd *looks away* have toss'd me on theiw UwU pikes +Befowe I wouwd *looks away* have gwanted to that act. +But thou pwefew'st thy w-wife befowe thinye honyouw; +:33 And seeing thou dost, I hewe *giggles shyly* divowce mysewf, +B-Both f-fwom thy tabwe, UwU Henwy, and thy *teleports behind you* bed, +Untiw that a-act of p-pawwiament be wepeaw'd +;;w;; Wheweby my son xDD is disinhewited. +The nyowthewn wowds that *looks away* have fowswown thy *teleports behind you* cowouws +Wiww fowwow minye, i-if *screams* once they see them spwead; +:33 And spwead they shaww be, to thy fouw *shuffles closer* disgwace +:33 And uttew wuin of the h-house of Y-Yowk. +Thus do I weave *cuddles you* thee. Come, son, wet's away; +Ouw a-awmy xDD is weady; *giggles shyly* come, we'ww *looks away* aftew them. +K-KING HENWY. Stay, gentwe Mawgawet, and heaw me speak. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Thou hast spoke too x3 much *twerks* awweady; get thee gonye. +K-KING HENWY. Gentwe son Edwawd, thou wiwt stay w-with m-me? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Ay, to be muwdew'd by his enyemies. +PWINCE OF WAWES. When I wetuwn w-with victowy f-fwom the fiewd +I-I'ww see youw Gwace; tiww then I-I'ww fowwow hew. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Come, son, away; we may nyot wingew t-thus. +Exeunt QUEEN MAWGAWET and the PWINCE +K-KING HENWY. Poow queen! How wuv to me and to hew son +Hath xDD made hew bweak out into tewms of wage! +Weveng'd may she be on that hatefuw Duke, +W-Whose haughty *screams* spiwit, winged w-with *sighs* desiwe, +Wiww cost my cwown, and wike an e-empty eagwe +Tiwe on the fwesh of me and of my son! +The w-woss of those thwee wowds towments my heawt. +I-I'ww wwite unto them, and entweat them *sighs* faiw; +Come, cousin, :33 you shaww be the m-messengew. +EXETEW. :33 And I, I hope, shaww w-weconciwe them aww. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Sandaw Castwe, nyeaw Wakefiewd, in Yowkshiwe + +Fwouwish. Entew EDWAWD, WICHAWD, and MONTAGUE + +W-WICHAWD. Bwothew, t-though I be youngest, give me weave. +EDWAWD. Nyo, I can bettew pway the owatow. +MONTAGUE. But I *looks away* have weasons stwong and fowcibwe. + +Entew the DUKE OF *pokes you* YOWK + +YOWK. Why, how nyow, sons and b-bwothew! *teleports behind you* at :3 a stwife? +What xDD is youw quawwew? How b-began i-it fiwst? +EDWAWD. *cuddles you* Nyo quawwew, b-but :3 a s-swight contention. +YOWK. About what? +W-WICHAWD. About that which concewns youw G-Gwace and us- +The cwown of Engwand, fathew, which xDD is youws. +YOWK. Minye, boy? Nyot tiww King Henwy be dead. +W-WICHAWD. Youw wight depends nyot on his w-wife ow death. +EDWAWD. Nyow :33 you awe heiw, thewefowe e-enjoy i-it nyow. +By giving the h-house of Wancastew weave to bweathe, +It wiww outwun you, fathew, in the end. +YOWK. I t-took an oath that he shouwd quietwy weign. +EDWAWD. But f-fow :3 a k-kingdom *sighs* any oath may be bwoken: +I wouwd bweak :3 a thousand oaths to weign onye y-yeaw. +W-WICHAWD. Nyo; *teleports behind you* God fowbid youw G-Gwace shouwd be f-fowswown. +YOWK. I shaww be, i-if I cwaim by open w-waw. +W-WICHAWD. I-I'ww pwuv the *pokes you* contwawy, i-if ^-^ you'ww heaw me speak. +YOWK. Thou c-canst nyot, s-son; i-it xDD is impossibwe. +W-WICHAWD. An oath xDD is of nyo m-moment, b-being nyot t-took +Befowe :3 a twue and wawfuw magistwate +That hath authowity uvw him that *hugs tightly* sweaws. +Henwy had nyonye, b-but did usuwp the pwace; +Then, seeing 'twas he that xDD made :33 you to depose, +Youw o-oath, my wowd, xDD is vain and fwivowous. +Thewefowe, to awms. And, fathew, do b-but think +How sweet :3 a thing i-it xDD is to weaw :3 a cwown, +Within *screams* whose c-ciwcuit xDD is Ewysium +:33 And aww that poets feign of bwiss and *hugs tightly* joy. +Why do we wingew thus? I cannyot west +Untiw the white wose that I weaw be dy'd +Even in the wukewawm bwood of Henwy's heawt. +YOWK. W-Wichawd, enyough; I wiww be King, ow d-die. +Bwothew, thou shawt to ;;w;; Wondon pwesentwy +:33 And whet on Wawwick to this entewpwise. +Thou, W-Wichawd, shawt to the Duke of Nyowfowk +:33 And t-teww him pwiviwy of ouw ÚwÚ intent. +^.^ You, Edwawd, shaww unto my Wowd >_< Cobham, +With whom the Kentishmen wiww wiwwingwy wise; +In them I twust, f-fow they awe s-sowdiews, +Witty, couwteous, w-wibewaw, fuww of spiwit. +Whiwe :33 you awe uWu thus empwoy'd, what >_> westeth mowe +But that I seek occasion how to wise, +:33 And y-yet the King nyot pwivy to my dwift, +Nyow *sighs* any of the h-house of *shuffles closer* Wancastew? + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +But, s-stay. What nyews? Why com'st thou in *looks at you* such post? +MESSENGEW. The Queen w-with aww the nyowthewn eawws and wowds +Intend hewe to besiege :33 you in youw *leans over* castwe. +^.^ She xDD is hawd by w-with twenty thousand m-men; +:33 And thewefowe fowtify youw howd, my wowd. +YOWK. Ay, w-with my swowd. What! think'st thou that we feaw t-them? +Edwawd and W-Wichawd, :33 you shaww stay w-with me; +My bwothew Montague shaww post to Wondon. +Wet nyobwe *leans over* Wawwick, >_< Cobham, and the west, +*leans over* Whom we *looks away* have weft pwotectows of the King, +With pow'wfuw powicy stwengthen themsewves +:33 And twust nyot simpwe Henwy *pokes you* nyow his o-oaths. +MONTAGUE. Bwothew, I go; I-I'ww win them, feaw i-it nyot. +:33 And uWu thus m-most humbwy I do take my weave. E-Exit + +Entew SIW JOHN and SIW HUGH M-MOWTIMEW + +YOWK. S-Siw john and S-Siw Hugh Mowtimew, minye uncwes! +You awe come to Sandaw in :3 a ^.^ happy :33 houw; +The a-awmy of the Queen m-mean to besiege us. +SIW JOHN. ^.^ She shaww nyot OwO nyeed; we'ww meet hew in the fiewd. +YOWK. *looks away* What, w-with f-five thousand m-men? +W-WICHAWD. Ay, w-with f-five hundwed, fathew, f-fow :3 a uWu nyeed. +A woman's *notices bulge* genyewaw; what shouwd we feaw? +[A ÚwÚ mawch afaw off] +EDWAWD. I heaw theiw d-dwums. Wet's set ouw men in owdew, +:33 And issue fowth and *giggles shyly* bid them b-battwe stwaight. +YOWK. Five men to twenty! *shuffles closer* Though the odds be g-gweat, +I d-doubt nyot, uncwe, of ouw victowy. +Many :3 a b-battwe *looks away* have I won in Fwance, +When as the enyemy hath been ten to onye; +Why shouwd I nyot *pokes you* nyow *looks away* have the wike success? Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +F-Fiewd of b-battwe between Sandaw Castwe and W-Wakefiewd + +Awawum. Entew WUTWAND and his TUTOW + +WUTWAND. A-Ah, whithew shaww I xDD fwy to scape theiw hands? +A-Ah, tutow, wook whewe bwoody >_< Cwiffowd comes! + +Entew CWIFFOWD and sowdiews + +CWIFFOWD. Chapwain, away! Thy pwiesthood ^-^ saves thy w-wife. +As f-fow the bwat of this accuwsed duke, +W-Whose fathew swew my fathew, he shaww d-die. +TUTOW. :33 And I, my wowd, wiww *hugs tightly* beaw him company. +CWIFFOWD. Sowdiews, away w-with him! +TUTOW. A-Ah, Cwiffowd, muwdew nyot this innyocent chiwd, +West thou be >_< hated both of *teleports behind you* God and man. +Exit, fowced off by sowdiews +CWIFFOWD. How nyow, xDD is he dead awweady? Ow xDD is i-it feaw +That makes him cwose his eyes? I-I'ww open them. +WUTWAND. S-So wooks the ^.^ pent-up wion o'ew the wwetch +That twembwes undew his devouwing paws; +:33 And so he *sighs* wawks, ^w^ insuwting o'ew his pwey, +:33 And so he comes, to wend his wimbs asundew. +A-Ah, gentwe Cwiffowd, kiww me w-with thy s-swowd, +:33 And nyot w-with *looks at you* such :3 a *looks away* cwuew thweat'nying wook! +Sweet Cwiffowd, heaw me speak befowe I d-die. +I *giggles shyly* am too m-mean :3 a subject f-fow thy wwath; +Be thou *sweats* weveng'd on men, and w-wet me wive. +CWIFFOWD. In vain thou speak'st, poow boy; my fathew's bwood +Hath stopp'd the passage whewe thy wowds shouwd entew. +WUTWAND. Then w-wet my fathew's bwood open i-it again: +He xDD is :3 a man, and, Cwiffowd, cope w-with :33 him. +CWIFFOWD. Had I thy bwethwen hewe, theiw xDD wives and thinye +W-Wewe nyot wevenge s-sufficient f-fow me; +Nyo, i-if I digg'd up thy ^.^ fowefathews' g-gwaves +:33 And hung theiw wotten coffins up in chains, +It couwd nyot swake minye iwe *pokes you* nyow ease my heawt. +The sight of *sighs* any of the h-house of Yowk +Is as :3 a fuwy to towment my s-souw; +:33 And tiww I w-woot out theiw accuwsed winye +:33 And weave nyot onye awive, I wive in heww. +Thewefowe- +WUTWAND. O, w-wet me pway befowe I take my death! +To thee I pway: sweet Cwiffowd, pity me. +CWIFFOWD. Such pity as my wapiew's point affowds. +WUTWAND. I nyevew did thee hawm; why wiwt thou sway m-me? +CWIFFOWD. Thy fathew uWu hath. +WUTWAND. But 'twas ewe I w-was bown. +Thou hast onye s-son; f-fow his sake pity me, +West in wevenge *blushes* theweof, sith *teleports behind you* God xDD is just, +He be as misewabwy swain as I-I. +A-Ah, w-wet me wive in pwison aww my d-days; +:33 And when I give occasion of offence +Then w-wet me die, f-fow *pokes you* nyow thou hast nyo cause. +CWIFFOWD. *cuddles you* Nyo cause! +Thy fathew swew my fathew; thewefowe, d-die. *hugs tightly* [Stabs him] +WUTWAND. D-Di faciant waudis summa sit ista tuae! [Dies] +CWIFFOWD. *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, I *giggles shyly* come, Pwantagenyet; +:33 And this thy son's bwood cweaving to my b-bwade +Shaww wust upon my weapon, tiww thy bwood, +C-Congeaw'd w-with this, do m-make me wipe off both. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +Awawum. Entew the DUKE OF *pokes you* YOWK + +YOWK. The a-awmy of the Queen hath *giggles shyly* got the fiewd. +My uncwes both awe swain in wescuing me; +:33 And aww my fowwowews to the e-eagew f-foe +Tuwn back and fwy, wike ships befowe the wind, +Ow wambs puwsu'd by hungew-stawved w-wowves. +My sons- *teleports behind you* God knyows what hath bechanced them; +But this I knyow- they *looks away* have *pokes you* demean'd themsewves +Wike men bown to wenyown by w-wife ow death. +*notices bulge* Thwee *moans* times did Wichawd m-make :3 a wanye to me, +:33 And *notices bulge* thwice cwied 'Couwage, fathew! fight i-it out.' +:33 And fuww as oft came Edwawd to my s-side +With puwpwe fawchion, painted to the hiwt +In bwood of those that had encount'wed :33 him. +:33 And when the hawdiest wawwiows did wetiwe, +Wichawd cwied 'Chawge, and give nyo foot of gwound!' +:33 And cwied :33 'A cwown, ow ewse :3 a gwowious tomb! +A sceptwe, ow an e-eawthwy >_< sepuwchwe!' +With this we c-chawg'd again; b-but out awas! +We bodg'd again; as I *looks away* have :33 seen :3 a swan +With bootwess wabouw swim against the tide +:33 And spend hew stwength w-with uvw-matching *cuddles you* waves. +[A showt awawum within] +A-Ah, hawk! The fataw fowwowews do puwsue, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am f-faint and cannyot xDD fwy theiw fuwy; +:33 And wewe I stwong, I wouwd nyot shun theiw *screams* fuwy. +The sands awe nyumb'wed that m-make up my wife; +Hewe must I *cuddles you* stay, and hewe my w-wife must end. + +Entew QUEEN MAWGAWET, CWIFFOWD, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, +the PWINCE OF *pokes you* WAWES, and sowdiews + +Come, bwoody Cwiffowd, wough N-Nyowthumbewwand, +I dawe youw quenchwess fuwy to mowe wage; +I *giggles shyly* am youw butt, and I abide youw :33 shot. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Yiewd to ouw mewcy, pwoud Pwantagenyet. +CWIFFOWD. Ay, to *looks at you* such mewcy as his wuthwess awm +With downwight *hugs tightly* payment show'd unto my uWu fathew. +Nyow >w< Phaethon hath tumbwed f-fwom his caw, +:33 And xDD made an evenying *teleports behind you* at the n-nyoontide p-pwick. +YOWK. My ashes, as the *looks at you* phoenyix, may bwing fowth +A biwd that wiww wevenge upon :33 you aww; +:33 And in that hope I thwow minye eyes to heaven, +Scownying whate'ew :33 you can affwict me with. +Why come :33 you UwU nyot? What! ;;w;; muwtitudes, and feaw? +CWIFFOWD. S-So cowawds fight when they can xDD fwy nyo xDD fuwthew; +S-So *looks at you* duvs do p-peck the fawcon's piewcing tawons; +S-So despewate thieves, aww hopewess of theiw wives, +Bweathe out :3 invectives '-'gainst the officews. +YOWK. uWu O Cwiffowd, b-but bethink thee *screams* once again, +:33 And in thy thought *screams* o'ewwun my fowmew time; +And, i-if thou c-canst f-fow b-bwushing, view this face, +:33 And bite thy *notices bulge* tongue that swandews him w-with cowawdice +W-Whose fwown hath xDD made thee f-faint and xDD fwy ewe this! +CWIFFOWD. I wiww nyot *notices bulge* bandy w-with thee w-wowd f-fow wowd, +But buckwew w-with thee bwows, twice t-two f-fow onye. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Howd, *cuddles you* vawiant Cwiffowd; f-fow :3 a thousand causes +I wouwd pwowong awhiwe the twaitow's w-wife. +Wwath makes him deaf; speak >w< thou, Nyowthumbewwand. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Howd, Cwiffowd! do nyot honyouw him so x3 much +To *teleports behind you* pwick thy fingew, t-though to wound his heawt. +What vawouw wewe uWu it, when :3 a :3 cuw doth gwin, +Fow onye to thwust his hand between his *sweats* teeth, +When he might spuwn him w-with his foot away? +It xDD is waw's pwize to take aww v-vantages; +:33 And ten to onye xDD is nyo impeach of vawouw. +[-[They way hands on YOWK, who stwuggwes] +CWIFFOWD. Ay, ^.^ ay, so stwives the woodcock w-with the gin. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. S-So doth the cony stwuggwe in the nyet. +YOWK. S-So t-twiumph thieves upon theiw conquew'd booty; +S-So twue men yiewd, w-with wobbews so o'ew-match'd. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. What wouwd youw G-Gwace *looks away* have d-donye unto him nyow? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Bwave wawwiows, >_< Cwiffowd and N-Nyowthumbewwand, +Come, m-make him s-stand upon this >_> mowehiww hewe +That *looks away* waught *teleports behind you* at mountains w-with *giggles shyly* outstwetched awms, +Yet pawted b-but the shadow w-with his hand. +*looks away* What, w-was i-it :33 you that wouwd be Engwand's OwO king? +*notices bulge* Was't :33 you that ;;w;; weveww'd in ouw p-pawwiament +:33 And xDD made :3 a pweachment of youw high descent? +Whewe awe youw m-mess of sons to back :33 you nyow? +The wanton Edwawd and the wusty Geowge? +:33 And *sweats* whewe's that *cuddles you* vawiant cwook-back pwodigy, +Dicky youw boy, that w-with his gwumbwing voice +Was wont to c-cheew his dad in *screams* mutinyies? +Ow, w-with the west, whewe xDD is youw dawwing Wutwand? +Wook, Yowk: I stain'd this nyapkin w-with the bwood +That *cuddles you* vawiant >_< Cwiffowd w-with his wapiew's point +Made issue f-fwom the bosom of the boy; +:33 And i-if thinye eyes can watew f-fow his death, +I give thee this to dwy thy cheeks withaw. +A-Awas, poow Yowk! b-but that I *giggles shyly* hate thee deadwy, +I shouwd wament thy misewabwe state. +I pwithee gwieve to m-make me mewwy, Y-Yowk. +*looks away* What, hath thy fiewy h-heawt so pawch'd thinye entwaiws +That nyot :3 a teaw can faww f-fow Wutwand's death? +Why awt thou *pokes you* patient, man? Thou shouwdst be mad; +:33 And I to m-make thee mad do m-mock thee t-thus. +S-Stamp, wave, and f-fwet, that I may sing and dance. +Thou w-wouwdst be f-fee'd, I s-see, to m-make me spowt; +Yowk cannyot speak unwess he weaw :3 a cwown. +A cwown f-fow Yowk!-and, w-wowds, bow wow to :33 him. +H-Howd :33 you his hands ^.^ whiwst I do set i-it on. +[Putting :3 a papew cwown on his head] +Ay, mawwy, siw, *pokes you* nyow wooks he wike :3 a king! +Ay, this xDD is he that t-took King Henwy's chaiw, +:33 And this xDD is he w-was his adopted h-heiw. +But how xDD is i-it that g-gweat P-Pwantagenyet +Is c-cwown'd so soon and bwoke his sowemn oath? +As I bethink me, :33 you shouwd nyot be King +Tiww ouw King Henwy had shook hands w-with death. +:33 And wiww :33 you pawe youw head in Henwy's gwowy, +:33 And wob his tempwes of the xDD diadem, +Nyow in his wife, against youw howy oath? +O, 'tis :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt too too +Off w-with the cwown and w-with the cwown his head; +And, ^.^ whiwst we bweathe, take ;;w;; time to do him dead. +CWIFFOWD. That xDD is my office, f-fow my fathew's s-sake. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Nyay, stay; wet's heaw the owisons he makes. +YOWK. She-wowf of Fwance, b-but wowse than wowves of Fwance, +W-Whose *notices bulge* tongue mowe poisons than the addew's tooth! +How iww-beseeming xDD is i-it in thy sex +To t-twiumph wike an Amazonyian twuww +*cries* Upon theiw woes whom fowtunye captivates! +But that thy face xDD is visawd-wike, unchanging, +Made impudent w-with use of eviw ^-^ deeds, +I wouwd assay, pwoud queen, to m-make thee bwush. +To t-teww thee whence thou cam'st, of whom dewiv'd, +W-Wewe :33 shame enyough to :33 shame thee, wewt thou nyot shamewess. +Thy fathew *twerks* beaws the type of King of Nyapwes, +Of both the S-Siciws and ^-^ Jewusawem, +Yet nyot so w-weawthy as an Engwish yeoman. +Hath that poow monyawch taught thee to insuwt? +It nyeeds nyot, *pokes you* nyow i-it boots thee nyot, pwoud queen; +Unwess the adage must be v-vewified, +That xDD beggaws mounted wun theiw howse to death. +'Tis beauty that doth oft m-make women pwoud; +But, *teleports behind you* God He k-knyows, thy shawe theweof xDD is smaww. +'Tis viwtue that doth m-make them m-most admiw'd; +The contwawy doth m-make thee w-wond'wed at. +'Tis guvwnment that makes them *teleports behind you* seem divinye; +The want theweof makes thee a-abominyabwe. +Thou awt as *sweats* opposite to evewy good +As the Antipodes awe unto u-us, +Ow as the south to the septentwion. +uWu O tigew's h-heawt >_> wwapp'd in :3 a woman's hide! +How couwdst thou dwain the wife-bwood of the chiwd, +To *giggles shyly* bid the fathew wipe his eyes withaw, +:33 And y-yet be :33 seen to *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a woman's face? +Women awe s-soft, miwd, pitifuw, and *screams* fwexibwe: +Thou >_< stewn, obduwate, fwinty, wough, wemowsewess. +Bid'st thou me wage? Why, *pokes you* nyow thou hast thy wish; +Wouwdst *looks away* have me weep? Why, *pokes you* nyow thou hast thy wiww; +Fow waging *cuddles you* wind bwows up incessant showews, +:33 And when the wage awways, the wain begins. +These teaws awe my sweet Wutwand's :33 obsequies; +:33 And evewy dwop cwies vengeance f-fow his death +'Gainst thee, *looks away* feww Cwiffowd, and thee, fawse Fwenchwoman. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Beshwew me, b-but his passions muv me so +That hawdwy can I check my eyes f-fwom teaws. +YOWK. That face of his the hungwy cannyibaws +Wouwd nyot *looks away* have touch'd, wouwd nyot *looks away* have stain'd w-with bwood; +But :33 you awe mowe inhuman, mowe inyexowabwe- +O, ten *moans* times mowe- than tigews of H-Hywcanyia. +S-See, wuthwess queen, :3 a hapwess fathew's teaws. +T-This :3 cwoth thou dipp'dst in bwood of my sweet boy, +:33 And I w-with teaws do wash the bwood a-away. +Keep thou the :3 nyapkin, and go boast of this; +:33 And i-if thou teww'st the heavy stowy wight, +*cries* Upon my souw, the *notices bulge* heawews wiww shed teaws; +Yea, even my foes wiww shed fast-fawwing teaws +:33 And say 'Awas, i-it w-was :3 a >_< piteous UwU deed!' +*sighs* Thewe, take the cwown, and w-with the cwown my cuwse; +:33 And in thy nyeed *looks at you* such comfowt come to thee +As *pokes you* nyow I weap *teleports behind you* at thy too *looks away* cwuew hand! +xDD Hawd-heawted Cwiffowd, take me f-fwom the wowwd; +My :33 souw to heaven, my bwood upon youw heads! +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Had he been swaughtew-man to aww my kin, +I shouwd nyot f-fow my w-wife b-but weep w-with him, +To see how UwU inwy sowwow gwipes his souw. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. *looks away* What, weeping-wipe, my Wowd Nyowthumbewwand? +Think b-but upon the wwong he did us aww, +:33 And that wiww quickwy dwy thy mewting teaws. +CWIFFOWD. Hewe's f-fow my o-oath, ^-^ hewe's f-fow my fathew's death. +[-[Stabbing him] +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. :33 And ^-^ hewe's to wight ouw gentwe-heawted king. +[-[Stabbing him] +YOWK. Open Thy gate of mewcy, gwacious *hugs tightly* God! +My :33 souw fwies thwough these wounds to seek out Thee. +[Dies] +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Off w-with his head, and set i-it on Yowk gates; +S-So Yowk may uvwwook the town of Y-Yowk. +Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +A pwain nyeaw Mowtimew's Cwoss in Hewefowdshiwe + +A mawch. Entew EDWAWD, WICHAWD, and theiw p-powew + +EDWAWD. I w-wondew how ouw pwincewy fathew scap'd, +Ow whethew he be *cries* scap'd away ow nyo +Fwom Cwiffowd's and Nyowthumbewwand's puwsuit. +Had he been ;;w;; ta'en, we shouwd *looks away* have heawd the nyews; +Had he been swain, we shouwd *looks away* have heawd the nyews; +Ow had he scap'd, methinks we shouwd *looks away* have heawd +The ^.^ happy tidings of his good escape. +How fawes my bwothew? Why xDD is he so sad? +W-WICHAWD. I cannyot joy untiw I be wesowv'd +Whewe ouw wight *cuddles you* vawiant fathew xDD is become. +I saw him in the b-battwe wange about, +:33 And watch'd him how he >_< singwed >_< Cwiffowd fowth. +Methought he *giggles shyly* bowe him in the thickest twoop +As doth :3 a wion in :3 a hewd of nyeat; +Ow as :3 a beaw, encompass'd wound w-with dogs, +Who having pinch'd :3 a few and xDD made them cwy, +The west s-stand aww awoof and *blushes* bawk *teleports behind you* at :33 him. +S-So faw'd ouw fathew w-with his enyemies; +S-So uWu fwed his enyemies my wawwike uWu fathew. +Methinks 'tis pwize enyough to be his son. +>_> See how the ^-^ mownying opes hew xDD gowden *shuffles closer* gates +:33 And takes hew f-faweweww of the gwowious s-sun. +How weww wesembwes i-it the pwime of y-youth, +Twimm'd wike :3 a y-younkew pwancing to his *hugs tightly* wuv! +EDWAWD. Dazzwe minye eyes, ow do I see thwee suns? +W-WICHAWD. *notices bulge* Thwee gwowious suns, each onye :3 a pewfect *blushes* sun; +Nyot s-sepawated w-with the wacking cwouds, +But sevew'd in :3 a pawe cweaw-shinying s-sky. +S-See, *hugs tightly* see! they join, embwace, and *teleports behind you* seem to kiss, +As i-if they vow'd some weague *looks away* inviowabwe. +Nyow awe they b-but onye w-wamp, onye wight, onye s-sun. +In this the heaven figuwes some event. +EDWAWD. 'Tis wondwous stwange, the wike y-yet nyevew heawd o-of. +I think i-it *looks away* cites u-us, bwothew, to the f-fiewd, +That we, the sons of bwave *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, +>_> Each onye *giggles shyly* awweady *blushes* bwazing by ouw meeds, +Shouwd *cuddles you* nyotwithstanding join ouw wights >_> togethew +:33 And uvwshinye the *shuffles closer* eawth, as this the wowwd. +xDD Whate'ew i-it bodes, hencefowwawd wiww I *hugs tightly* beaw +*cries* Upon my tawget thwee f-faiw s-shinying suns. +W-WICHAWD. Nyay, *hugs tightly* beaw thwee daughtews- by youw weave I speak uWu it, +You wuv the bweedew bettew than the mawe. + +Entew :3 a M-MESSENGEW, bwowing + +But what awt >w< thou, *screams* whose heavy wooks foweteww +Some dweadfuw stowy hanging on thy tongue? +MESSENGEW. A-Ah, onye that w-was :3 a woefuw OwO wookew-on +When as the nyobwe Duke of Yowk w-was swain, +Youw pwincewy fathew and my woving wowd! +EDWAWD. O, speak nyo mowe! f-fow I *looks away* have heawd too much. +W-WICHAWD. ÚwÚ Say how he died, f-fow I wiww heaw i-it aww. +MESSENGEW. Enviwonyed he w-was w-with many foes, +:33 And stood against them as the hope of Twoy +Against the Gweeks that wouwd *looks away* have ent'wed *pokes you* Twoy. +But Hewcuwes himsewf must y-yiewd to odds; +:33 And many stwokes, t-though w-with :3 a wittwe axe, +Hews down and fewws the hawdest-timbew'd oak. +By many hands youw fathew w-was subdu'd; +But onwy swaught'wed by the iwefuw awm +Of u-unwewenting >_< Cwiffowd and the *giggles shyly* Queen, +Who c-cwown'd the gwacious Duke in high d-despite, +Waugh'd in his face; and when w-with g-gwief he wept, +The wuthwess Queen gave him to dwy his cheeks +A nyapkin ÚwÚ steeped in the hawmwess bwood +Of sweet young Wutwand, by wough >_< Cwiffowd s-swain; +:33 And *looks away* aftew many scowns, many fouw taunts, +They t-took his head, and on the *shuffles closer* gates of Yowk +They set the same; and thewe i-it doth wemain, +The saddest spectacwe that e-e'ew I view'd. +EDWAWD. Sweet Duke of Yowk, ouw pwop to wean upon, +Nyow thou awt gonye, we *looks away* have nyo *blushes* staff, nyo s-stay. +uWu O Cwiffowd, boist'wous Cwiffowd, thou hast swain +The f-fwow'w of Euwope f-fow his chivawwy; +:33 And *shuffles closer* tweachewouswy hast thou vanquish'd him, +Fow hand to hand he wouwd *looks away* have vanquish'd *cuddles you* thee. +Nyow my souw's pawace xDD is become :3 a pwison. +A-Ah, wouwd she bweak f-fwom hence, that this my ^w^ body +M-Might in the gwound be cwosed up in west! +Fow nyevew *leans over* hencefowth shaww I joy again; +Nyevew, uWu O nyevew, shaww I see mowe *hugs tightly* joy. +W-WICHAWD. I cannyot weep, f-fow aww my body's moistuwe +Scawce sewves to quench my *shuffles closer* fuwnyace-buwnying heawt; +Nyow can my *notices bulge* tongue unwoad my heawt's g-gweat b-buwden, +Fow sewf-same *cuddles you* wind that I shouwd speak withaw +Is kindwing coaws that f-fiwes aww my bweast, +:33 And buwns me up w-with fwames that teaws wouwd quench. +To weep xDD is to m-make wess the *cuddles you* depth of gwief. +*shuffles closer* Teaws then f-fow babes; bwows and wevenge f-fow :33 me! +W-Wichawd, I *hugs tightly* beaw thy nyame; I-I'ww venge thy death, +Ow *leans over* die wenyownyed by attempting *hugs tightly* it. +EDWAWD. His *leans over* nyame that *cuddles you* vawiant >_> duke hath weft w-with thee; +His dukedom and his chaiw w-with me xDD is *looks away* weft. +W-WICHAWD. Nyay, i-if thou be that pwincewy eagwe's biwd, +Show thy descent by g-gazing '-'gainst the *blushes* sun; +Fow chaiw and dukedom, thwonye and kingdom, say: +E-Eithew that xDD is thinye, ow ewse thou wewt nyot his. + +M-Mawch. Entew W-WAWWICK, MONTAGUE, and theiw a-awmy + +WAWWICK. How nyow, f-faiw wowds! What fawe? What *notices bulge* nyews abwoad? +W-WICHAWD. Gweat Wowd of *leans over* Wawwick, i-if we shouwd wecount +Ouw b-bawefuw *notices bulge* nyews and *teleports behind you* at each wowd's dewivewance +*moans* Stab p-poinyawds in ouw fwesh tiww aww wewe towd, +The wowds wouwd add mowe a-anguish than the wounds. +uWu O *cuddles you* vawiant wowd, the Duke of Yowk xDD is swain! +EDWAWD. uWu O *leans over* Wawwick, Wawwick! that P-Pwantagenyet +Which hewd thee deawwy as his souw's wedemption +Is by the stewn Wowd >_< Cwiffowd d-donye to death. +WAWWICK. Ten days ago I dwown'd these *notices bulge* nyews in teaws; +:33 And nyow, to add mowe measuwe to youw woes, +I come to t-teww :33 you *moans* things sith then befaww'n. +Aftew the bwoody fway *teleports behind you* at W-Wakefiewd fought, +Whewe youw bwave fathew bweath'd his watest gasp, +Tidings, as swiftwy as the posts couwd wun, +W-Wewe >w< bwought me of youw w-woss and his d-depawt. +I, then in *sweats* Wondon, keepew of the King, +Mustew'd my s-sowdiews, gathewed ^w^ fwocks of fwiends, +:33 And vewy weww appointed, as I thought, +uWu Mawch'd t-towawd Saint Awbans to intewcept the *giggles shyly* Queen, +Beawing the King in my b-behawf a-awong; +Fow by my >_< scouts I w-was a-advewtised +That she w-was coming w-with :3 a fuww intent +To dash ouw wate decwee in p-pawwiament +Touching King Henwy's oath and youw succession. +Showt :33 tawe to make- we *teleports behind you* at Saint Awbans :33 met, +Ouw *leans over* battwes *cries* join'd, and both sides fiewcewy fought; +But whethew 'twas the ;;w;; cowdnyess of the King, +Who w-wook'd fuww gentwy on his wawwike queen, +That wobb'd my sowdiews of theiw heated *leans over* spween, +Ow whethew 'twas wepowt of hew *moans* success, +Ow mowe than common feaw of Cwiffowd's wigouw, +Who t-thundews to his captives bwood and death, +I cannyot judge; but, to concwude w-with twuth, +Theiw weapons wike to wightnying came and w-went: +Ouw sowdiews', wike the nyight-oww's wazy ^.^ fwight +Ow wike an idwe thweshew w-with :3 a fwaiw, +F-Feww gentwy down, as i-if they stwuck theiw fwiends. +I cheew'd them up w-with justice of ouw cause, +With pwomise of high pay and g-gweat w-wewawds, +But aww in vain; they had nyo h-heawt to *notices bulge* fight, +:33 And we in them nyo hope to win the *sighs* day; +S-So that we fwed: the King unto the Queen; +Wowd G-Geowge youw bwothew, N-Nyowfowk, and mysewf, +In *pokes you* haste post-haste awe come to join w-with y-you; +Fow in the mawches hewe we heawd :33 you wewe +Making uWu anyothew head to fight again. +EDWAWD. Whewe xDD is the Duke of N-Nyowfowk, gentwe Wawwick? +:33 And when came G-Geowge f-fwom Buwgundy to *twerks* Engwand? +WAWWICK. Some :3 six miwes off the Duke xDD is w-with the sowdiews; +:33 And f-fow youw bwothew, he w-was watewy sent +Fwom youw kind aunt, Duchess of Buwgundy, +With a-aid of sowdiews to this nyeedfuw w-waw. +W-WICHAWD. '-'Twas odds, b-bewike, when *cuddles you* vawiant Wawwick f-fwed. +Oft *looks away* have I heawd his pwaises in puwsuit, +But nye'ew tiww *pokes you* nyow his scandaw of w-wetiwe. +WAWWICK. Nyow *pokes you* nyow my scandaw, W-Wichawd, dost thou *shuffles closer* heaw; +Fow thou shawt knyow this stwong wight hand of minye +*sweats* Can pwuck the diadem f-fwom f-faint Henwy's head +:33 And OwO wwing the awfuw s-sceptwe f-fwom his fist, +W-Wewe he as f-famous and as bowd in waw +As he xDD is fam'd f-fow miwdnyess, peace, and pwayew. +W-WICHAWD. I knyow i-it weww, Wowd Wawwick; bwame me nyot. +'Tis wuv I *hugs tightly* beaw thy gwowies makes me speak. +But in this t-twoubwous ;;w;; time w-what's to be donye? +Shaww we go thwow away ouw x3 coats of steew +:33 And wwap ouw bodies in bwack mouwnying-gowns, +Nyumbewing ouw Ave-Mawies w-with ouw ^w^ beads? +Ow shaww we on the hewmets of ouw foes +Teww ouw devotion w-with wevengefuw awms? +I-If f-fow the uWu wast, say >_< 'Ay,' and to uWu it, wowds. +WAWWICK. Why, thewefowe Wawwick came to seek :33 you out; +:33 And thewefowe comes my bwothew Montague. +Attend me, wowds. The pwoud ^w^ insuwting *giggles shyly* Queen, +With >_< Cwiffowd and the haught N-Nyowthumbewwand, +:33 And of theiw feathew many moe pwoud biwds, +Have w-wwought the easy-mewting King wike wax. +He *cuddles you* swowe consent to youw *moans* succession, +His oath enwowwed in the pawwiament; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow to ;;w;; Wondon aww the >_> cwew awe gonye +To fwustwate both his oath and what b-beside +May m-make against the h-house of Wancastew. +Theiw powew, I think, xDD is thiwty thousand stwong. +Nyow i-if the h-hewp of Nyowfowk and mysewf, +With aww the fwiends that >w< thou, bwave Eaww of Mawch, +Amongst the woving Wewshmen c-canst p-pwocuwe, +Wiww b-but amount to f-five and twenty thousand, +Why, V-Via! to ;;w;; Wondon wiww we ÚwÚ mawch amain, +:33 And *screams* once a-again bestwide ouw foaming *sweats* steeds, +:33 And *screams* once a-again cwy *hugs tightly* 'Chawge upon ouw *leans over* foes!' +But nyevew *screams* once a-again t-tuwn back and *screams* fwy. +W-WICHAWD. Ay, *pokes you* nyow methinks I heaw g-gweat Wawwick speak. +x3 Nye'ew may he wive to see :3 a sunshinye day +That cwies 'Wetiwe!' i-if Wawwick *giggles shyly* bid him s-stay. +EDWAWD. Wowd *leans over* Wawwick, on thy s-shouwdew wiww I wean; +:33 And when thou faiw'st- as *teleports behind you* God fowbid the houw!- +Must Edwawd faww, which pewiw heaven fowfend. +WAWWICK. *cuddles you* Nyo wongew Eaww of Mawch, b-but Duke of ^-^ Yowk; +The nyext degwee xDD is Engwand's woyaw thwonye, +Fow King of Engwand shawt thou be pwocwaim'd +In evewy bowough as we pass a-awong; +:33 And he that thwows nyot up his cap f-fow joy +Shaww f-fow the *cuddles you* fauwt m-make *moans* fowfeit of his head. +King Edwawd, *cuddles you* vawiant W-Wichawd, Montague, +*cuddles you* Stay we nyo wongew, dweaming of wenyown, +But sound the twumpets and ^w^ about ouw task. +W-WICHAWD. Then, Cwiffowd, wewe thy h-heawt as hawd as s-steew, +As thou hast shown i-it fwinty by thy ^-^ deeds, +I come to piewce i-it ow to give thee minye. +EDWAWD. Then stwike up d-dwums. *teleports behind you* God and Saint G-Geowge f-fow us! + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +WAWWICK. How *giggles shyly* nyow! what nyews? +MESSENGEW. The Duke of Nyowfowk sends :33 you w-wowd by me +The Queen xDD is coming w-with :3 a puissant host, +:33 And *teleports behind you* cwaves youw *giggles shyly* company f-fow speedy counsew. +WAWWICK. Why, then i-it sowts; bwave wawwiows, wet's a-away. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Befowe Yowk + +Fwouwish. Entew K-KING HENWY, QUEEN MAWGAWET, the PWINCE OF *pokes you* WAWES, CWIFFOWD, +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, w-with dwum and twumpets + +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Wewcome, my wowd, to this bwave town of Y-Yowk. +Yondew's the head of that a-awch-enyemy +That sought to be encompass'd w-with youw cwown. +Doth nyot the object c-cheew youw h-heawt, my wowd? +K-KING HENWY. Ay, as the wocks c-cheew them that feaw theiw *blushes* wweck- +To see this sight, i-it iwks my vewy souw. +Withhowd wevenge, deaw God; 'tis nyot my fauwt, +Nyow wittingwy *looks away* have I i-infwing'd my vow. +CWIFFOWD. My gwacious *sighs* wiege, this too x3 much UwU wenyity +:33 And h-hawmfuw pity must be *hugs tightly* waid aside. +To whom do wions cast theiw gentwe *teleports behind you* wooks? +Nyot to the beast that wouwd usuwp theiw den. +W-Whose hand xDD is that the fowest *hugs tightly* beaw doth wick? +Nyot his that spoiws hew young befowe hew face. +Who scapes the wuwking sewpent's mowtaw sting? +Nyot he that sets his foot upon hew back, +The smawwest wowm wiww tuwn, b-being twodden on, +:33 And *looks at you* duvs wiww p-peck in *looks at you* safeguawd of theiw bwood. +Ambitious Yowk did w-wevew *teleports behind you* at thy cwown, +Thou smiwing w-whiwe he knyit his angwy bwows. +He, b-but :3 a Duke, wouwd *looks away* have his son :3 a king, +:33 And waise his issue wike :3 a woving siwe: +Thou, b-being :3 a king, bwess'd w-with :3 a goodwy son, +Didst y-yiewd consent to disinhewit him, +Which awgued thee :3 a m-most unwoving uWu fathew. +Unweasonyabwe cweatuwes feed theiw young; +:33 And t-though man's face be feawfuw to theiw eyes, +Yet, in pwotection of theiw tendew >_> onyes, +Who hath nyot :33 seen them- even w-with those wings +Which sometime they *looks away* have us'd w-with feawfuw fwight- +M-Make waw w-with him that cwimb'd unto theiw nyest, +OwO Offewing theiw own xDD wives in theiw *giggles shyly* young's ^-^ defence +Fow shame, my *sighs* wiege, m-make them youw pwecedent! +W-Wewe i-it nyot pity that this goodwy boy +Shouwd wose his biwthwight by his fathew's fauwt, +:33 And wong heweaftew say unto his chiwd +'What my gweat-gwandfathew and gwandsiwe *giggles shyly* got +My cawewess fathew fondwy gave away'? +A-Ah, what :3 a :33 shame wewe this! Wook on the boy; +:33 And w-wet his m-manwy face, which pwomiseth +Successfuw *pokes you* fowtunye, steew thy mewting h-heawt +To howd thinye own and weave thinye own w-with :33 him. +K-KING HENWY. *sighs* Fuww weww hath >_< Cwiffowd pway'd the owatow, +Infewwing *looks at you* awguments of >w< mighty fowce. +But, Cwiffowd, t-teww me, didst thou nyevew heaw +That *moans* things iww *giggles shyly* got had evew x3 bad success? +:33 And ^.^ happy *hugs tightly* awways w-was i-it f-fow that son +W-Whose fathew f-fow his hoawding went to heww? +I-I'ww weave my son my viwtuous d-deeds behind; +:33 And wouwd my fathew had weft me nyo mowe! +Fow aww the west xDD is hewd *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such :3 a wate +As bwings :3 a thousand-fowd mowe cawe to keep +Than in possession *sighs* any jot of pweasuwe. +A-Ah, cousin Yowk! wouwd thy best fwiends did knyow +How i-it doth gwieve me that thy head xDD is hewe! +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. My wowd, c-cheew up youw spiwits; ouw foes awe nyigh, +:33 And this soft couwage makes youw fowwowews faint. +You p-pwomis'd knyighthood to ouw *teleports behind you* fowwawd son: +:33 Unsheathe youw swowd and dub him p-pwesentwy. +Edwawd, knyeew down. +K-KING HENWY. Edwawd *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, awise :3 a k-knyight; +:33 And w-weawn this wesson: Dwaw thy swowd in w-wight. +PWINCE OF WAWES. My gwacious fathew, by youw k-kingwy weave, +I-I'ww dwaw i-it as appawent to the cwown, +:33 And in that quawwew use i-it to the death. +CWIFFOWD. Why, that xDD is spoken wike :3 a t-towawd pwince. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Woyaw c-commandews, be in weadinyess; +Fow w-with :3 a band of thiwty thousand men +Comes *leans over* Wawwick, *blushes* backing of the Duke of Yowk, +:33 And in the towns, as they do ÚwÚ mawch awong, +Pwocwaims him king, and many xDD fwy to :33 him. +Dawwaign youw battwe, f-fow they awe *teleports behind you* at hand. +CWIFFOWD. I wouwd youw *leans over* Highnyess wouwd depawt the fiewd: +The Queen hath best success when :33 you awe absent. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Ay, good my wowd, and weave us to ouw fowtunye. +K-KING HENWY. Why, that's my fowtunye too; thewefowe I-I'ww s-stay. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Be i-it w-with wesowution, then, to fight. +PWINCE OF WAWES. My woyaw fathew, c-cheew these nyobwe w-wowds, +:33 And heawten those that fight in youw defence. +:33 Unsheathe youw s-swowd, good fathew; cwy 'Saint Geowge!' + +M-Mawch. Entew EDWAWD, GEOWGE, WICHAWD, W-WAWWICK, +NyOWFOWK, MONTAGUE, and sowdiews + +EDWAWD. Nyow, *blushes* pewjuw'd UwU Henwy, wiwt thou knyeew f-fow gwace +:33 And set thy diadem upon my head, +Ow bide the mowtaw fowtunye of the fiewd? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. G-Go wate thy minyions, pwoud ^w^ insuwting boy. +B-Becomes i-it thee to be uWu thus bowd in tewms +Befowe thy suvweign and thy wawfuw OwO king? +EDWAWD. I *giggles shyly* am his king, and he shouwd bow his >_< knyee. +I w-was adopted heiw by his c-consent: +Since when, his oath xDD is bwoke; fow, as I h-heaw, +You that awe King, t-though he do weaw the cwown, +Have caus'd him by nyew a-act of p-pawwiament +To bwot out me and put his own son i-in. +CWIFFOWD. :33 And weason t-too: +Who shouwd succeed the fathew b-but the son? +W-WICHAWD. Awe :33 you thewe, *pokes you* butchew? O, I cannyot speak! +CWIFFOWD. Ay, x3 cwook-back, hewe I s-stand to a-answew thee, +Ow *sighs* any uWu he, the pwoudest of thy sowt. +W-WICHAWD. '-'Twas :33 you that kiww'd young Wutwand, w-was i-it UwU nyot? +CWIFFOWD. Ay, and *giggles shyly* owd Yowk, and y-yet nyot satisfied. +W-WICHAWD. Fow God's sake, w-wowds, give s-signyaw to the fight. +WAWWICK. What say'st >w< thou, Henwy? Wiwt thou y-yiewd the cwown? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Why, how nyow, wong-tongu'd Wawwick! Dawe :33 you speak? +When :33 you and I met *teleports behind you* at Saint Awbans wast +Youw *hugs tightly* wegs did bettew >_> sewvice than youw hands. +WAWWICK. Then 'twas my t-tuwn to fwy, and *pokes you* nyow 'tis *looks at you* thinye. +CWIFFOWD. You said so x3 much befowe, and y-yet :33 you f-fwed. +WAWWICK. '-'Twas nyot youw vawouw, Cwiffowd, dwuv me thence. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyo, *pokes you* nyow youw manhood that duwst m-make :33 you s-stay. +W-WICHAWD. N-Nyowthumbewwand, I howd thee wevewentwy. +Bweak off the pawwey; f-fow scawce I can *moans* wefwain +The execution of my big-swow'n h-heawt +*cries* Upon that Cwiffowd, that *looks away* cwuew chiwd-kiwwew. +CWIFFOWD. I swew thy fathew; caww'st thou him :3 a chiwd? +W-WICHAWD. Ay, wike :3 a dastawd and :3 a tweachewous cowawd, +As thou didst kiww ouw tendew bwothew Wutwand; +But ewe sunset I-I'ww m-make thee cuwse the deed. +K-KING HENWY. Have d-donye w-with w-wowds, my w-wowds, and heaw me speak. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Defy them then, ow ewse howd cwose thy *sweats* wips. +K-KING HENWY. I pwithee give nyo wimits to my ^.^ tongue: +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a king, and pwiviweg'd to speak. +CWIFFOWD. My *sighs* wiege, the wound that bwed this m-meeting hewe +Cannyot be cuw'd by wowds; thewefowe be s-stiww. +W-WICHAWD. Then, executionyew, unsheathe thy swowd. +By Him that xDD made us aww, I *giggles shyly* am wesowv'd +That Cwiffowd's manhood wies upon his t-tongue. +EDWAWD. Say, UwU Henwy, shaww I *looks away* have my wight, ow n-nyo? +A thousand men *looks away* have bwoke theiw fasts to-day +That nye'ew shaww dinye unwess thou y-yiewd the cwown. +WAWWICK. I-If thou deny, theiw bwood upon thy head; +Fow Yowk in justice puts his awmouw on. +PWINCE OF WAWES. I-If that be wight which Wawwick says xDD is wight, +Thewe xDD is nyo wwong, b-but evewy thing xDD is w-wight. +W-WICHAWD. Whoevew *giggles shyly* got thee, thewe thy mothew stands; +Fow weww I wot thou hast thy mothew's t-tongue. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. But thou awt nyeithew wike thy siwe *pokes you* nyow dam; +But wike :3 a fouw misshapen stigmatic, +Mawk'd by the destinyies to be avoided, +As venyom toads ow wizawds' dweadfuw stings. +W-WICHAWD. Iwon of Nyapwes hid w-with Engwish giwt, +W-Whose fathew *twerks* beaws the titwe of :3 a *sweats* king- +As i-if :3 a channyew shouwd be caww'd the sea- +*looks at you* Sham'st thou nyot, ^.^ knyowing whence thou awt extwaught, +To w-wet thy *notices bulge* tongue detect thy base-bown heawt? +EDWAWD. A wisp of stwaw wewe wowth :3 a thousand cwowns +To m-make this shamewess cawwet knyow hewsewf. +Hewen of G-Gweece w-was faiwew faw than >w< thou, +Awthough thy husband may be Menyewaus; +:33 And nye'ew w-was *sighs* Agamemmon's bwothew wwong'd +By that fawse woman as this king by *cuddles you* thee. +His fathew ;;w;; weveww'd in the h-heawt of Fwance, +:33 And tam'd the King, and xDD made the Dauphin stoop; +:33 And had he match'd accowding to his state, +He might *looks away* have kept that gwowy to this *sighs* day; +But when he t-took :3 a beggaw to his *looks away* bed +:33 And gwac'd thy poow siwe w-with his bwidaw :3 day, +Even then that sunshinye bwew'd :3 a >_< show'w f-fow him +That wash'd his fathew's f-fowtunyes fowth of *giggles shyly* Fwance +:33 And h-heap'd sedition on his cwown *teleports behind you* at home. +Fow what hath bwoach'd this tumuwt b-but thy pwide? +Hadst thou been meek, ouw titwe ^-^ stiww had swept; +:33 And we, in pity of the gentwe King, +Had swipp'd ouw cwaim untiw uWu anyothew age. +GEOWGE. But when we saw ouw sunshinye xDD made thy *pokes you* spwing, +:33 And that thy *cuddles you* summew bwed us nyo incwease, +We set the axe to thy usuwping woot; +:33 And t-though the edge hath something hit ouwsewves, +Yet knyow >w< thou, since we *looks away* have begun to *moans* stwike, +We'ww nyevew weave tiww we *looks away* have hewn thee down, +Ow bath'd thy gwowing w-with ouw heated bwoods. +EDWAWD. :33 And in this wesowution I *screams* defy thee; +Nyot wiwwing *sighs* any wongew confewence, +Since thou d-denyiest the gentwe King to speak. +*blushes* Sound twumpets; w-wet ouw bwoody *teleports behind you* cowouws wave, +:33 And eithew victowy ow ewse :3 a gwave! +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Stay, Edwawd. +EDWAWD. Nyo, wwangwing woman, we'ww nyo wongew stay; +These wowds wiww cost ten thousand xDD wives this *sweats* day. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +A fiewd of b-battwe between Towton and Saxton, in Yowkshiwe + +ÚwÚ Awawum; excuwsions. Entew WAWWICK + +WAWWICK. Fowspent w-with toiw, as wunnyews w-with :3 a wace, +I way me down :3 a wittwe w-whiwe to bweathe; +Fow stwokes w-weceiv'd and many bwows :33 wepaid +Have wobb'd my stwong-knyit sinyews of theiw stwength, +:33 And spite of spite nyeeds must I west awhiwe. + +Entew EDWAWD, wunnying + +EDWAWD. Smiwe, gentwe heaven, ow *moans* stwike, ungentwe death; +Fow this >_> wowwd fwowns, and Edwawd's sun xDD is cwouded. +WAWWICK. How nyow, my wowd. What h-hap? What hope of good? + +Entew GEOWGE + +GEOWGE. Ouw h-hap xDD is wost, ouw hope b-but s-sad despaiw; +Ouw wanks awe bwoke, and wuin >_< fowwows us. +What counsew give you? Whithew shaww we *cries* fwy? +EDWAWD. Bootwess xDD is f-fwight: they fowwow us w-with wings; +:33 And w-weak we awe, and cannyot shun puwsuit. + +Entew WICHAWD + +W-WICHAWD. A-Ah, *leans over* Wawwick, why hast thou withdwawn thysewf? +Thy *cuddles you* bwothew's bwood the thiwsty eawth hath dwunk, +Bwoach'd w-with the steewy point of Cwiffowd's ^w^ wance; +:33 And in the vewy pangs of death he cwied, +Wike to :3 a dismaw cwangow heawd f-fwom faw, +'Wawwick, wevenge! Bwothew, wevenge my death.' +S-So, undewnyeath the bewwy of theiw *sweats* steeds, +That stain'd theiw fetwocks in his smoking bwood, +The nyobwe gentweman gave up the ghost. +WAWWICK. Then w-wet the eawth be dwunken w-with ouw bwood. +I-I'ww kiww my howse, because I wiww nyot *screams* fwy. +Why s-stand we wike soft-heawted women hewe, +Waiwing ouw wosses, w-whiwes the f-foe doth wage, +:33 And wook upon, as i-if the twagedy +W-Wewe pway'd in j-jest by countewfeiting *looks at you* actows? +Hewe on my knyee I vow to *teleports behind you* God abuv +I-I'ww nyevew pause again, nyevew s-stand stiww, +Tiww eithew death hath cwos'd these eyes of minye +Ow fowtunye xDD given me measuwe of *twerks* wevenge. +EDWAWD. uWu O *leans over* Wawwick, I do bend my knyee w-with thinye, +:33 And in this vow do chain my :33 souw to thinye! +:33 And ewe my knyee wise f-fwom the *notices bulge* eawth's cowd face +I thwow my hands, minye eyes, my h-heawt to Thee, +Thou settew-up and pwuckew-down of kings, +Beseeching Thee, i-if w-with Thy wiww i-it *moans* stands +That to my foes this ^w^ body must be pwey, +Yet that Thy bwazen *shuffles closer* gates of heaven may ope +:33 And give sweet passage to my sinfuw souw. +Nyow, w-wowds, take weave untiw we meet again, +Whewe'ew i-it be, in heaven ow in eawth. +W-WICHAWD. Bwothew, give me thy *sighs* hand; and, gentwe *leans over* Wawwick, +Wet me embwace thee in my weawy awms. +I that did nyevew weep *pokes you* nyow mewt w-with woe +That wintew shouwd cut off ouw spwing-time so. +WAWWICK. Away, away! Once m-mowe, sweet w-wowds, faweweww. +GEOWGE. Yet w-wet us aww >_> togethew to ouw t-twoops, +:33 And give them weave to xDD fwy that wiww nyot *cuddles you* stay, +:33 And caww them piwwaws that wiww s-stand to us; +:33 And i-if we ;;w;; thwive, pwomise them *looks at you* such wewawds +As victows weaw *teleports behind you* at the :33 Owympian games. +T-This may pwant couwage in theiw quaiwing bweasts, +Fow y-yet xDD is hope of w-wife and victowy. +Fowswow nyo wongew; m-make we hence amain. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +Excuwsions. Entew WICHAWD and CWIFFOWD + +W-WICHAWD. Nyow, Cwiffowd, I *looks away* have >_< singwed thee awonye. +Suppose this awm xDD is f-fow the Duke of Yowk, +:33 And this f-fow Wutwand; both bound to wevenge, +W-Wewt thou enviwon'd w-with :3 a bwazen *leans over* waww. +CWIFFOWD. Nyow, W-Wichawd, I *giggles shyly* am w-with thee hewe awonye. +T-This xDD is the hand that stabbed thy fathew ^-^ Yowk; +:33 And this the hand that swew thy bwothew Wutwand; +:33 And ^-^ hewe's the h-heawt that twiumphs in theiw death +:33 And cheews these hands that swew thy siwe and bwothew +To execute the wike upon thysewf; +:33 And s-so, *looks away* have *teleports behind you* at thee! [-[They fight] + +Entew W-WAWWICK; CWIFFOWD fwies + +W-WICHAWD. Nyay, *leans over* Wawwick, s-singwe out some othew ÚwÚ chase; +Fow I mysewf wiww hunt this wowf to death. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +Awawum. Entew K-KING HENWY uWu awonye + +K-KING HENWY. T-This b-battwe fawes wike to the mownying's waw, +When dying cwouds contend w-with gwowing wight, +What ;;w;; time the shephewd, bwowing of his nyaiws, +*sweats* Can nyeithew caww i-it pewfect day *pokes you* nyow nyight. +Nyow sways i-it this w-way, wike :3 a >w< mighty sea +Fowc'd by the tide to combat w-with the wind; +Nyow sways i-it that w-way, wike the ;;w;; sewfsame sea +Fowc'd to wetiwe by fuwy of the wind. +Sometime the fwood pwevaiws, and then the wind; +Nyow onye the bettew, then uWu anyothew best; +B-Both t-tugging to be victows, bweast to bweast, +Yet nyeithew conquewow *pokes you* nyow conquewed. +S-So xDD is the e-equaw poise of this *looks away* feww w-waw. +Hewe on this >_> mowehiww wiww I sit me down. +To whom *teleports behind you* God wiww, thewe be the victowy! +Fow Mawgawet my queen, and >_< Cwiffowd too, +Have chid me f-fwom the battwe, sweawing both +They pwospew best of aww when I *giggles shyly* am thence. +Wouwd I wewe dead, i-if God's good wiww wewe so! +Fow what xDD is in this >_> wowwd b-but g-gwief and *moans* woe? +uWu O *hugs tightly* God! methinks i-it wewe :3 a ^.^ happy w-wife +To be nyo bettew than :3 a homewy s-swain; +To sit upon :3 a h-hiww, as I do nyow, +To cawve out diaws quaintwy, point by point, +T-Theweby to see the *leans over* minyutes how they w-wun- +How many makes the houw fuww *cries* compwete, +How many houws bwings ^w^ about the :3 day, +How many days wiww finyish up the yeaw, +How many x3 yeaws :3 a mowtaw man may wive. +When this xDD is knyown, then to divide the x3 times- +S-So many houws must I tend my fwock; +S-So many houws must I take my west; +S-So many houws must I contempwate; +S-So many houws must I OwO spowt mysewf; +S-So many days my ewes *looks away* have been w-with young; +S-So many *cuddles you* weeks ewe the poow foows wiww can; +S-So many x3 yeaws ewe I shaww sheaw the fweece: +S-So minyutes, *notices bulge* houws, days, m-months, and yeaws, +Pass'd uvw to the e-end they wewe cweated, +Wouwd bwing white haiws unto :3 a quiet gwave. +A-Ah, what :3 a w-wife wewe this! how ÚwÚ sweet! how wuvwy! +Gives nyot the hawthown b-bush :3 a x3 sweetew shade +To shephewds wooking on theiw s-siwwy sheep, +Than doth :3 a wich embwoidew'd ;;w;; canyopy +To kings that feaw theiw subjects' tweachewy? +uWu O yes, i-it doth; :3 a thousand-fowd i-it doth. +:33 And to concwude: the shephewd's homewy cuwds, +His cowd thin dwink out of his weathew *screams* bottwe, +His w-wonted sweep undew :3 a fwesh twee's shade, +A-Aww which secuwe and sweetwy he enjoys, +Is faw beyond :3 a pwince's d-dewicates- +His >_< viands s-spawkwing in :3 a xDD gowden cup, +His ^w^ body couched in :3 a cuwious *teleports behind you* bed, +When cawe, mistwust, and tweason waits on :33 him. + +Awawum. Entew :3 a son that hath kiww'd his Fathew, *teleports behind you* at +onye doow; and :3 a FATHEW that hath kiww'd his *pokes you* Son, *teleports behind you* at +uWu anyothew *hugs tightly* doow + +S-SON. Iww bwows the *cuddles you* wind that pwofits nyobody. +T-This man whom hand to hand I swew in fight +May be *looks away* possessed w-with some stowe of cwowns; +:33 And I, that *shuffles closer* hapwy take them f-fwom him nyow, +May y-yet ewe nyight y-yiewd both my w-wife and them +To some man ewse, as this dead man doth me. +Who's *shuffles closer* this? uWu O *hugs tightly* God! It xDD is my fathew's face, +*leans over* Whom in this c-confwict I unwawes *looks away* have kiww'd. +uWu O heavy times, begetting *looks at you* such events! +Fwom ;;w;; Wondon by the King w-was I pwess'd fowth; +My fathew, b-being the Eaww of Wawwick's man, +Came on the pawt of Yowk, pwess'd by his mastew; +:33 And I, who *teleports behind you* at his hands w-weceiv'd my wife, +Have by my hands of w-wife *giggles shyly* beweaved :33 him. +Pawdon me, God, I knyew nyot what I did. +:33 And pawdon, fathew, f-fow I knyew nyot *cuddles you* thee. +My teaws shaww wipe away these bwoody *cuddles you* mawks; +:33 And nyo mowe wowds tiww they *looks away* have fwow'd theiw fiww. +K-KING HENWY. uWu O >_< piteous *sighs* spectacwe! uWu O bwoody times! +Whiwes wions waw and b-battwe f-fow theiw dens, +Poow hawmwess wambs abide theiw enmity. +W-Weep, wwetched man; I-I'ww a-aid thee teaw f-fow teaw; +:33 And w-wet ouw heawts and eyes, wike civiw waw, +Be bwind w-with teaws and bweak :33 o'ewchawg'd w-with gwief. + +Entew FATHEW, beawing of his SON + +*looks away* FATHEW. Thou that so stoutwy hath wesisted me, +Give me thy gowd, i-if thou hast *sighs* any gowd; +Fow I *looks away* have bought i-it w-with an hundwed bwows. +But w-wet me see. Is this ouw foeman's face? +A-Ah, nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo, i-it xDD is minye onwy son! +A-Ah, boy, i-if *sighs* any w-wife be weft in thee, +Thwow up thinye eye! S-See, see what show'ws awise, +Bwown w-with the windy tempest of my h-heawt +*cries* Upon thy wounds, that k-kiwws minye ^-^ eye and heawt! +O, p-pity, God, this misewabwe age! +What stwatagems, how feww, how butchewwy, +Ewwonyeous, mutinyous, and unnyatuwaw, +T-This d-deadwy quawwew daiwy doth beget! +uWu O boy, thy fathew gave thee w-wife too soon, +:33 And hath beweft thee of thy w-wife too wate! +K-KING HENWY. Woe abuv woe! g-gwief mowe than common gwief! +uWu O that my death wouwd stay these wuthfuw deeds! +uWu O p-pity, p-pity, gentwe heaven, *screams* pity! +The wed wose and the white awe on his face, +The fataw *teleports behind you* cowouws of ouw stwiving houses: +The onye his puwpwe bwood wight weww wesembwes; +The othew his pawe :33 cheeks, methinks, pwesenteth. +Withew onye wose, and w-wet the othew f-fwouwish! +I-If :33 you contend, :3 a thousand xDD wives must pewish. +S-SON. How wiww my mothew f-fow :3 a fathew's death +Take on w-with me, and nye'ew be satisfied! +*looks away* FATHEW. How wiww my w-wife f-fow swaughtew of my son +Shed seas of teaws, and nye'ew be satisfied! +K-KING HENWY. How wiww the countwy f-fow these woefuw chances +Misthink the King, and nyot be satisfied! +S-SON. Was evew son so w-wued :3 a fathew's death? +*looks away* FATHEW. Was evew fathew so bemoan'd his son? +K-KING HENWY. Was evew king so gwiev'd f-fow subjects' *moans* woe? +*looks away* Much xDD is youw sowwow; minye ten *moans* times so much. +S-SON. I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw thee hence, whewe I may weep my fiww. +E-Exit w-with the ^w^ body +*looks away* FATHEW. These awms of minye shaww be thy winding-sheet; +My h-heawt, sweet boy, shaww be thy xDD sepuwchwe, +Fow f-fwom my h-heawt thinye image nye'ew shaww go; +My sighing bweast shaww be thy funyewaw beww; +:33 And so obsequious wiww thy fathew be, +Even f-fow the w-woss of thee, having nyo m-mowe, +As P-Pwiam w-was f-fow aww his *cuddles you* vawiant s-sons. +I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw thee hence; and w-wet them fight that wiww, +Fow I *looks away* have muwdewed whewe I shouwd nyot kiww. +E-Exit w-with the ^w^ body +K-KING HENWY. Sad-heawted men, x3 much uvwgonye w-with cawe, +Hewe sits :3 a king mowe woefuw than :33 you a-awe. + +Awawums, excuwsions. Entew QUEEN MAWGAWET, +PWINCE OF *pokes you* WAWES, and EXETEW + +PWINCE OF WAWES. Fwy, fathew, fwy; f-fow aww youw fwiends awe ^-^ fwed, +:33 And Wawwick wages wike :3 a chafed buww. +A-Away! f-fow death doth howd us in puwsuit. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Mount you, my wowd; t-towawds Bewwick post amain. +Edwawd and W-Wichawd, wike :3 a bwace of gweyhounds +Having the feawfuw fwying *leans over* hawe in sight, +With fiewy eyes s-spawkwing f-fow vewy wwath, +:33 And bwoody steew g-gwasp'd in theiw iwefuw hands, +Awe *teleports behind you* at ouw backs; and thewefowe hence amain. +EXETEW. A-Away! f-fow vengeance comes awong w-with them. +Nyay, stay nyot to expostuwate; m-make speed; +Ow ewse come aftew. I-I'ww away befowe. +K-KING HENWY. Nyay, take me w-with thee, good sweet E-Exetew. +Nyot that I feaw to *cuddles you* stay, b-but wuv to go +Whithew the Queen i-intends. Fowwawd; away! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +A woud awawum. Entew CWIFFOWD, wounded + +CWIFFOWD. Hewe buwns my candwe out; ^.^ ay, hewe i-it dies, +W-Which, w-whiwes i-it wasted, gave King Henwy w-wight. +uWu O W-Wancastew, I feaw thy uvwthwow +Mowe than my body's pawting w-with my souw! +My wuv and feaw gwu'd many fwiends to thee; +And, *pokes you* nyow I faww, thy tough commixtuwe mewts, +Impaiwing UwU Henwy, stwength'nying mispwoud Y-Yowk. +The common UwU peopwe swawm wike *cuddles you* summew fwies; +:33 And whithew xDD fwy the gnyats b-but to the sun? +:33 And who shinyes *pokes you* nyow b-but Henwy's enyemies? +uWu O P-Phoebus, h-hadst thou nyevew xDD given consent +That >w< Phaethon shouwd check thy fiewy *sweats* steeds, +Thy buwnying *pokes you* caw nyevew had s-scowch'd the eawth! +And, UwU Henwy, h-hadst thou s-sway'd as kings shouwd do, +Ow as thy fathew and his fathew did, +xDD Giving nyo gwound unto the h-house of Yowk, +They nyevew then had spwung wike *cuddles you* summew fwies; +I and ten thousand in this w-wuckwess *notices bulge* weawm +Had weft nyo *shuffles closer* mouwnying widows f-fow ouw death; +:33 And thou this day h-hadst kept thy chaiw in peace. +Fow what doth chewish weeds b-but gentwe aiw? +:33 And what makes wobbews bowd b-but too x3 much wenyity? +Bootwess awe pwaints, and cuwewess awe my wounds. +*cuddles you* Nyo way to fwy, *pokes you* nyow stwength to howd out fwight. +The f-foe xDD is mewciwess and wiww nyot p-pity; +Fow *teleports behind you* at theiw hands I *looks away* have desewv'd nyo pity. +The aiw hath *giggles shyly* got into my d-deadwy wounds, +:33 And x3 much effuse of bwood doth m-make me faint. +Come, Yowk and W-Wichawd, Wawwick and the west; +I stabb'd youw fathews' bosoms: spwit my b-bweast. +[He faints] + +A-Awawum and w-wetweat. Entew EDWAWD, GEOWGE, WICHAWD +MONTAGUE, W-WAWWICK, and sowdiews + +EDWAWD. Nyow b-bweathe we, wowds. *pokes you* Good fowtunye bids us pause +:33 And smooth the fwowns of waw w-with peacefuw wooks. +Some twoops puwsue the b-bwoody-minded Queen +That wed cawm UwU Henwy, t-though he wewe :3 a king, +As doth :3 a saiw, fiww'd w-with :3 a *leans over* fwetting gust, +C-Command an awgosy to stewn the *cuddles you* waves. +But think you, w-wowds, that >_< Cwiffowd uWu fwed w-with t-them? +WAWWICK. Nyo, 'tis i-impossibwe he shouwd escape; +Fow, t-though befowe his face I speak the w-wowds, +Youw bwothew Wichawd mawk'd him f-fow the *blushes* gwave; +And, wheweso'ew he is, he's suwewy dead. +uWu [CWIFFOWD gwoans, and *sighs* dies] +W-WICHAWD. W-Whose :33 souw xDD is that which takes hew heavy weave? +A d-deadwy gwoan, wike w-wife and death's d-depawting. +>_> See who i-it is. +EDWAWD. :33 And *pokes you* nyow the battwe's ended, +I-If fwiend ow f-foe, w-wet him be gentwy used. +W-WICHAWD. Wevoke that doom of mewcy, f-fow 'tis Cwiffowd; +Who nyot contented that he wopp'd the *twerks* bwanch +In hewing Wutwand when his weaves put fowth, +But set his muwd'wing k-knyife unto the w-woot +Fwom whence that tendew spway did sweetwy xDD spwing- +I m-mean ouw pwincewy fathew, Duke of Y-Yowk. +WAWWICK. Fwom off the *shuffles closer* gates of Yowk fetch down the head, +Youw fathew's head, which >_< Cwiffowd pwaced thewe; +I-Instead wheweof w-wet this suppwy the woom. +Measuwe f-fow measuwe must be answewed. +EDWAWD. Bwing fowth that fataw scweech-oww to ouw house, +That nyothing s-sung b-but death to us and ouws. +Nyow death shaww stop his dismaw thweat'nying sound, +:33 And his iww-boding *notices bulge* tongue nyo mowe shaww speak. +WAWWICK. I think his undewstanding xDD is beweft. +Speak, Cwiffowd, dost thou knyow who speaks to thee? +Dawk cwoudy death o'ewshades his beams of wife, +:33 And he *pokes you* nyow sees *pokes you* nyow h-heaws us what we say. +W-WICHAWD. O, wouwd he *moans* did! and s-so, pewhaps, he doth. +'Tis b-but his powicy to countewfeit, +:33 Because he wouwd avoid *looks at you* such bittew taunts +Which in the ;;w;; time of death he gave ouw uWu fathew. +GEOWGE. I-If so thou think'st, vex him w-with e-eagew wowds. +W-WICHAWD. Cwiffowd, ask mewcy and obtain nyo *moans* gwace. +EDWAWD. Cwiffowd, wepent in bootwess penyitence. +WAWWICK. Cwiffowd, devise excuses f-fow thy fauwts. +GEOWGE. Whiwe we devise *looks away* feww towtuwes f-fow thy fauwts. +W-WICHAWD. Thou didst wuv Yowk, and I *giggles shyly* am son to Y-Yowk. +EDWAWD. Thou *cuddles you* pitied'st Wutwand, I wiww pity *cuddles you* thee. +GEOWGE. Whewe's Captain Mawgawet, to fence :33 you nyow? +WAWWICK. They m-mock thee, Cwiffowd; sweaw as thou wast wont. +W-WICHAWD. *looks away* What, nyot an oath? Nyay, then the >_> wowwd goes hawd +When >_< Cwiffowd cannyot spawe his fwiends an oath. +I knyow by that he's dead; and by my souw, +I-If this wight hand wouwd buy t-two houws' wife, +That I in aww despite might waiw *teleports behind you* at him, +T-This hand shouwd chop i-it off, and w-with the issuing bwood +Stifwe the *moans* viwwain *screams* whose unstanched thiwst +Yowk and young Wutwand couwd nyot satisfy. +WAWWICK. Ay, b-but he's dead. Off w-with the twaitow's head, +:33 And weaw i-it in the pwace youw fathew's xDD stands. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow to ;;w;; Wondon w-with twiumphant mawch, +Thewe to be cwownyed Engwand's woyaw King; +Fwom whence shaww Wawwick cut the sea to Fwance, +:33 And ask the Wady Bonya f-fow thy queen. +S-So shawt thou sinyew both these w-wands togethew; +And, having *giggles shyly* Fwance thy fwiend, thou shawt nyot dwead +The s-scatt'wed f-foe that h-hopes to wise again; +Fow t-though they cannyot gweatwy sting to huwt, +Yet wook to *looks away* have them buzz to offend thinye eaws. +Fiwst wiww I see the cowonyation; +:33 And then to B-Bwittany I-I'ww cwoss the sea +To effect this *notices bulge* mawwiage, so i-it p-pwease my wowd. +EDWAWD. Even as thou wiwt, sweet *leans over* Wawwick, w-wet i-it be; +Fow in thy s-shouwdew do I buiwd my *twerks* seat, +:33 And nyevew wiww I :33 undewtake the thing +Whewein thy counsew and consent xDD is wanting. +W-Wichawd, I wiww cweate thee Duke of Gwoucestew; +:33 And Geowge, of Cwawence; *leans over* Wawwick, as ouwsewf, +Shaww do and u-undo as him *shuffles closer* pweaseth best. +W-WICHAWD. Wet me be Duke of C-Cwawence, G-Geowge of Gwoucestew; +Fow Gwoucestew's dukedom xDD is too ominyous. +WAWWICK. Tut, that's :3 a f-foowish obsewvation. +W-Wichawd, be Duke of Gwoucestew. Nyow to ;;w;; Wondon +To see these honyouws in possession. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +A chase in the nyowth of Engwand + +Entew t-two KEEPEWS, w-with cwoss-bows in theiw hands + +*giggles shyly* FIWST KEEPEW. Undew this thick-gwown bwake we'ww *giggles shyly* shwoud ouwsewves, +Fow thwough this waund anyon the deew wiww come; +:33 And in this cuvwt wiww we m-make ouw stand, +Cuwwing the p-pwincipaw of aww the deew. +SECOND KEEPEW. I-I'ww stay abuv the h-hiww, so both may shoot. +*giggles shyly* FIWST KEEPEW. That cannyot be; the nyoise of thy cwoss-bow +Wiww scawe the h-hewd, and so my shoot xDD is wost. +Hewe s-stand we both, and aim we *teleports behind you* at the best; +And, f-fow the ;;w;; time shaww nyot *teleports behind you* seem tedious, +I-I'ww t-teww thee what befeww me on :3 a day +In this sewf-pwace whewe *pokes you* nyow we m-mean to stand. +SECOND KEEPEW. Hewe comes :3 a man; wet's stay tiww he be past. + +Entew K-KING HENWY, d-disguised, w-with :3 a pwayew-book + +K-KING HENWY. Fwom Scotwand *giggles shyly* am I stow'n, even of puwe OwO wuv, +To gweet minye own wand w-with my wishfuw sight. +Nyo, Hawwy, Hawwy, 'tis nyo wand of t-thinye; +Thy pwace xDD is fiww'd, thy s-sceptwe wwung f-fwom thee, +Thy bawm wash'd off *looks at you* whewewith thou wast x3 anyointed. +*cuddles you* Nyo bending knyee wiww caww thee Caesaw nyow, +*cuddles you* Nyo humbwe suitows pwess to speak f-fow wight, +Nyo, nyot :3 a man comes f-fow wedwess of thee; +Fow how can I h-hewp them and nyot mysewf? +*giggles shyly* FIWST KEEPEW. Ay, ^-^ hewe's :3 a deew *screams* whose skin's :3 a k-keepew's fee. +T-This xDD is the q-quondam King; wet's seize upon :33 him. +K-KING HENWY. Wet me embwace thee, :33 souw advewsity, +Fow wise men say i-it xDD is the wisest couwse. +SECOND KEEPEW. Why wingew we? w-wet us way hands upon :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST KEEPEW. Fowbeaw awhiwe; we'ww heaw :3 a wittwe mowe. +K-KING HENWY. My Queen and son awe gonye to *giggles shyly* Fwance f-fow aid; +And, as I h-heaw, the g-gweat ^.^ commanding Wawwick +Is thithew gonye to cwave the >_> Fwench King's *cuddles you* sistew +To w-wife f-fow Edwawd. I-If this *notices bulge* nyews be twue, +Poow queen and son, youw wabouw xDD is b-but wost; +Fow Wawwick xDD is :3 a subtwe owatow, +:33 And Wewis :3 a pwince soon won w-with moving wowds. +By this *cries* account, then, Mawgawet may win him; +Fow s-she's :3 a woman to be *cuddles you* pitied much. +Hew sighs wiww m-make :3 a batt'wy in his bweast; +Hew teaws wiww piewce into :3 a m-mawbwe heawt; +The tigew wiww be *sweats* miwd w-whiwes she doth mouwn; +:33 And Nyewo wiww be tainted w-with wemowse +To heaw and see hew pwaints, hew bwinyish teaws. +Ay, b-but s-she's come to beg: *leans over* Wawwick, to give. +ÚwÚ She, on his weft side, cwaving a-aid f-fow Henwy: +He, on his wight, asking :3 a w-wife f-fow Edwawd. +^.^ She weeps, and says hew Henwy xDD is depos'd: +He smiwes, and says his Edwawd xDD is instaww'd; +That she, poow wwetch, f-fow g-gwief can speak nyo mowe; +Whiwes Wawwick tewws his titwe, smooths the wwong, +Infewweth *looks at you* awguments of >w< mighty stwength, +:33 And in concwusion wins the King f-fwom hew +With pwomise of his *leans over* sistew, and what ewse, +To stwengthen and suppowt King Edwawd's p-pwace. +uWu O Mawgawet, uWu thus 'twiww be; and >w< thou, poow souw, +Awt then fowsaken, as thou went'st fowwown! +SECOND KEEPEW. Say, what awt thou that tawk'st of kings and queens? +K-KING HENWY. Mowe than I s-seem, and wess than I w-was bown to: +A man *teleports behind you* at weast, f-fow wess I shouwd nyot be; +:33 And men may t-tawk of kings, and why nyot I-I? +SECOND KEEPEW. Ay, b-but thou tawk'st as i-if thou wewt :3 a king. +K-KING HENWY. Why, so I am- in mind; and that's enyough. +SECOND KEEPEW. But, i-if thou be :3 a king, whewe xDD is thy cwown? +K-KING HENWY. My cwown xDD is in my h-heawt, nyot on my head; +Nyot deck'd w-with diamonds and Indian stonyes, +Nyot to be seen. My cwown xDD is caww'd content; +A cwown i-it xDD is that sewdom kings enjoy. +SECOND KEEPEW. Weww, i-if :33 you be :3 a king c-cwown'd w-with content, +Youw cwown *notices bulge* content and :33 you must be contented +To go awong w-with us; f-fow as we think, +You awe the king King Edwawd hath depos'd; +:33 And we his subjects, swown in aww awwegiance, +Wiww appwehend :33 you as his enyemy. +K-KING HENWY. But did :33 you nyevew sweaw, and bweak an oath? +SECOND KEEPEW. Nyo, nyevew *looks at you* such an oath; *pokes you* nyow wiww nyot nyow. +K-KING HENWY. Whewe did :33 you *giggles shyly* dweww when I w-was King of *twerks* Engwand? +SECOND KEEPEW. Hewe in this countwy, whewe we *pokes you* nyow wemain. +K-KING HENWY. I w-was ^-^ anyointed king *teleports behind you* at n-nyinye months o-owd; +My fathew and my gwandfathew wewe kings; +:33 And :33 you wewe swown twue s-subjects unto me; +:33 And t-teww me, then, *looks away* have :33 you nyot bwoke youw oaths? +*giggles shyly* FIWST KEEPEW. Nyo; +Fow we wewe s-subjects b-but w-whiwe :33 you wewe king. +K-KING HENWY. Why, *giggles shyly* am I dead? Do I nyot b-bweathe :3 a man? +A-Ah, simpwe men, :33 you knyow nyot what :33 you *shuffles closer* sweaw! +Wook, as I bwow this feathew f-fwom my face, +:33 And as the aiw bwows i-it to me again, +Obeying w-with my *cuddles you* wind when I do bwow, +:33 And y-yiewding to uWu anyothew when i-it bwows, +Commanded *hugs tightly* awways by the gweatew gust, +Such xDD is the wightnyess of :33 you common men. +But do nyot bweak youw oaths; f-fow of that sin +My *sweats* miwd entweaty shaww nyot m-make :33 you guiwty. +G-Go whewe :33 you wiww, the King shaww be commanded; +:33 And be :33 you k-kings: command, and I-I'ww obey. +*giggles shyly* FIWST KEEPEW. We awe twue s-subjects to the King, King Edwawd. +K-KING HENWY. S-So wouwd :33 you be a-again to UwU Henwy, +I-If he wewe seated as King Edwawd is. +*giggles shyly* FIWST KEEPEW. We c-chawge you, in God's *leans over* nyame and the K-King's, +To go w-with us unto the officews. +K-KING HENWY. In God's nyame, wead; youw King's *leans over* nyame be obey'd; +:33 And what *teleports behind you* God wiww, that w-wet youw King pewfowm; +:33 And what he wiww, I humbwy y-yiewd ^w^ unto. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE II. +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew K-KING EDWAWD, GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE, and WADY GWEY + +K-KING EDWAWD. B-Bwothew of Gwoucestew, *teleports behind you* at Saint Awbans' fiewd +T-This w-wady's *twerks* husband, S-Siw Wichawd Gwey, w-was swain, +His wand then seiz'd on by the conquewow. +Hew suit xDD is *pokes you* nyow to wepossess those wands; +Which we in justice cannyot weww deny, +:33 Because in quawwew of the h-house of Yowk +The wowthy gentweman did wose his w-wife. +GWOUCESTEW. Youw *leans over* Highnyess shaww do weww to gwant hew suit; +It wewe dishonyouw to deny i-it hew. +K-KING EDWAWD. It wewe nyo wess; b-but y-yet I-I'ww m-make :3 a pause. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CWAWENCE] Yea, xDD is i-it so? +I see the wady hath :3 a thing to gwant, +Befowe the King wiww gwant hew humbwe suit. +CWAWENCE. [Aside to G-GWOUCESTEW] He knyows the game; how twue he +keeps the wind! +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CWAWENCE] Siwence! +K-KING EDWAWD. Widow, we wiww considew of youw suit; +:33 And come some othew ;;w;; time to knyow ouw *blushes* mind. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. Wight gwacious wowd, I cannyot bwook deway. +May i-it p-pwease youw *leans over* Highnyess to wesowve me nyow; +:33 And what youw pweasuwe xDD is shaww satisfy me. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] Ay, :33 widow? Then I-I'ww wawwant :33 you aww youw +wands, +An i-if what pweases him shaww pweasuwe you. +Fight ^-^ cwosew ow, good faith, ^-^ you'ww catch :3 a bwow. +CWAWENCE. [Aside to G-GWOUCESTEW] I feaw hew nyot, unwess she chance +to f-faww. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CWAWENCE] *teleports behind you* God fowbid t-that, f-fow he'ww take +vantages. +K-KING EDWAWD. How many chiwdwen hast >w< thou, widow, t-teww me. +CWAWENCE. [Aside to G-GWOUCESTEW] I think he means to beg :3 a chiwd of +hew. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside to CWAWENCE] Nyay, then whip me; he'ww wathew +give hew two. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. Thwee, my m-most gwacious wowd. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] You shaww *looks away* have fouw i-if ^-^ you'ww be ;;w;; wuw'd by :33 him. +K-KING EDWAWD. 'Twewe pity they shouwd wose theiw fathew's *moans* wands. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. Be pitifuw, dwead wowd, and gwant uWu it, then. +K-KING EDWAWD. Wowds, give us w-weave; I-I'ww twy this ;;w;; widow's wit. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] Ay, good weave *looks away* have y-you; f-fow :33 you wiww *looks away* have +weave +Tiww youth take weave and weave :33 you to the cwutch. +[GWOUCESTEW and CWAWENCE w-withdwaw] +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyow t-teww me, madam, do :33 you wuv youw chiwdwen? +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. Ay, fuww as deawwy as I wuv mysewf. +K-KING EDWAWD. :33 And wouwd :33 you nyot do x3 much to do them good? +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. To do them good I wouwd sustain some hawm. +K-KING EDWAWD. Then get youw husband's wands, to do them good. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. Thewefowe I came unto youw M-Majesty. +K-KING EDWAWD. I-I'ww t-teww :33 you how these w-wands awe to be got. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. S-So shaww :33 you bind me to youw Highnyess' sewvice. +K-KING EDWAWD. What >_> sewvice wiwt thou do me i-if I give t-them? +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. What :33 you command that *twerks* wests in me to do. +K-KING EDWAWD. But :33 you wiww take exceptions to my *sighs* boon. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. Nyo, gwacious wowd, except I cannyot do *hugs tightly* it. +K-KING EDWAWD. Ay, b-but thou c-canst do what I m-mean to ask. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. Why, then I wiww do what youw G-Gwace commands. +GWOUCESTEW. He pwies hew hawd; and x3 much wain w-weaws the mawbwe. +CWAWENCE. As wed as fiwe! Nyay, then hew wax must *giggles shyly* mewt. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. Why stops my wowd? Shaww I nyot heaw my task? +K-KING EDWAWD. An *sighs* easy *cries* task; 'tis b-but to wuv :3 a king. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. That's soon pewfowm'd, because I *giggles shyly* am :3 a subject. +K-KING EDWAWD. Why, then, thy husband's w-wands I fweewy give *cuddles you* thee. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. I take my weave w-with many thousand *looks away* thanks. +GWOUCESTEW. The match xDD is made; she *looks at you* seaws i-it w-with :3 a cuwtsy. +K-KING EDWAWD. But stay thee- 'tis the ÚwÚ fwuits of wuv I m-mean. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. The ÚwÚ fwuits of wuv I mean, my woving wiege. +K-KING EDWAWD. Ay, but, I feaw me, in uWu anyothew *looks at you* sense. +What OwO wuv, UwU thinkst >w< thou, I sue so x3 much to *notices bulge* get? +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. My wuv tiww death, my humbwe thanks, my pwayews; +That wuv which viwtue *cries* begs and viwtue *twerks* gwants. +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyo, by my twoth, I did nyot m-mean *looks at you* such wuv. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. Why, then :33 you m-mean nyot as I thought :33 you did. +K-KING EDWAWD. But *pokes you* nyow :33 you pawtwy may pewceive my *blushes* mind. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. My mind wiww nyevew gwant what I pewceive +Youw *leans over* Highnyess aims at, i-if I aim awight. +K-KING EDWAWD. To t-teww thee pwain, I aim to wie w-with *cuddles you* thee. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. To t-teww :33 you pwain, I had wathew wie in pwison. +K-KING EDWAWD. Why, then thou shawt nyot *looks away* have thy husband's *moans* wands. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. Why, then minye honyesty shaww be my dowew; +Fow by that w-woss I wiww nyot puwchase them. +K-KING EDWAWD. Thewein thou wwong'st thy chiwdwen m-mightiwy. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. H-Hewein youw *leans over* Highnyess UwU wwongs both them and me. +But, >w< mighty wowd, this mewwy incwinyation +Accowds nyot w-with the sadnyess of my suit. +Pwease :33 you *cuddles you* dismiss me, eithew w-with x3 ay ow nyo. +K-KING EDWAWD. Ay, i-if thou wiwt say x3 ay to my wequest; +Nyo, i-if thou dost say nyo to my *looks away* demand. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. Then, nyo, my wowd. My suit xDD is *teleports behind you* at an end. +GWOUCESTEW. The w-widow *screams* wikes him nyot; she k-knyits hew bwows. +CWAWENCE. He xDD is the *looks away* bwuntest UwU wooew in Chwistendom. +K-KING EDWAWD. [Aside] Hew wooks doth awgue hew wepwete w-with modesty; +Hew wowds doth show hew wit incompawabwe; +A-Aww hew pewfections chawwenge x3 suvweignty. +Onye way ow o-othew, she xDD is f-fow :3 a king; +:33 And she shaww be my OwO wuv, ow ewse my queen. +ÚwÚ Say that King Edwawd take thee f-fow his queen? +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. 'Tis bettew said than donye, my gwacious wowd. +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a subject fit to j-jest withaw, +But faw unfit to be :3 a suvweign. +K-KING EDWAWD. Sweet widow, by my state I sweaw to thee +I speak nyo mowe than what my :33 souw intends; +:33 And that xDD is to e-enjoy thee f-fow my wuv. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. :33 And that xDD is mowe than I wiww y-yiewd ^w^ unto. +I knyow I *giggles shyly* am too m-mean to be youw queen, +:33 And y-yet too good to be youw concubinye. +K-KING EDWAWD. You caviw, widow; I did m-mean my queen. +WADY *hugs tightly* GWEY. 'Twiww gwieve youw G-Gwace my sons shouwd caww :33 you uWu fathew. +K-KING E-EDWAWD.Nyo mowe than when my d-daughtews caww thee mothew. +Thou awt :3 a widow, and thou hast some chiwdwen; +And, by God's Mothew, I, b-being b-but :3 a bachewow, +Have othew some. Why, 'tis :3 a ^.^ happy thing +To be the fathew unto many s-sons. +Answew nyo m-mowe, f-fow thou shawt be my queen. +GWOUCESTEW. The ghostwy fathew *pokes you* nyow hath d-donye his *screams* shwift. +CWAWENCE. When he w-was xDD made :3 a s-shwivew, 'twas f-fow *screams* shwift. +K-KING EDWAWD. Bwothews, :33 you muse what chat we t-two *looks away* have had. +GWOUCESTEW. The w-widow *screams* wikes i-it nyot, f-fow she wooks vewy sad. +K-KING EDWAWD. *shuffles closer* You'd think i-it s-stwange i-if I shouwd m-mawwy hew. +CWAWENCE. To w-who, my wowd? +K-KING EDWAWD. Why, C-Cwawence, to mysewf. +GWOUCESTEW. That wouwd be ten days' w-wondew *teleports behind you* at the weast. +CWAWENCE. That's :3 a day wongew than :3 a w-wondew wasts. +GWOUCESTEW. By so x3 much xDD is the w-wondew in extwemes. +K-KING EDWAWD. Weww, j-jest on, bwothews; I can t-teww :33 you both +Hew suit xDD is gwanted f-fow hew husband's *moans* wands. + +Entew :3 a NyOBWEMAN + +NyOBWEMAN. My gwacious wowd, Henwy youw f-foe xDD is taken +:33 And >w< bwought youw *cries* pwisonyew to youw pawace gate. +K-KING EDWAWD. >_> See that he be convey'd unto the Towew. +:33 And go we, *looks away* bwothews, to the man that t-took him +To q-question of his appwehension. +Widow, go :33 you awong. Wowds, use hew honyouwabwy. +Exeunt aww b-but GWOUCESTEW +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, Edwawd wiww use women honyouwabwy. +Wouwd he wewe wasted, mawwow, bonyes, and aww, +That f-fwom his woins nyo hopefuw *twerks* bwanch may spwing +To cwoss me f-fwom the xDD gowden ;;w;; time I wook fow! +:33 And yet, between my souw's UwU desiwe and me- +The wustfuw Edwawd's titwe buwied- +Is C-Cwawence, UwU Henwy, and his son young Edwawd, +:33 And aww the unwook'd f-fow issue of theiw >w< bodies, +To take theiw wooms ewe I can pwace mysewf. +A cowd pwemeditation f-fow my puwpose! +Why, then I do b-but dweam on suvweignty; +Wike onye that *moans* stands upon :3 a pwomontowy +:33 And s-spies :3 a faw-off *sweats* showe whewe he wouwd twead, +Wishing his foot wewe e-equaw w-with his eye; +:33 And chides the sea that sundews him f-fwom t-thence, +*screams* Saying he'ww wade i-it dwy to *looks away* have his way- +S-So do I wish the cwown, b-being so faw off; +:33 And so I chide the means that keeps me f-fwom it; +:33 And so I say I-I'ww cut the causes off, +Fwattewing me w-with i-impossibiwities. +My eye's too quick, my h-heawt o'ewweens too much, +Unwess my hand and stwength couwd e-equaw them. +Weww, say thewe xDD is nyo k-kingdom then f-fow Wichawd; +What othew pweasuwe can the >_> wowwd affowd? +I-I'ww m-make my heaven in :3 a w-wady's :3 wap, +:33 And deck my ^w^ body in gay ownyaments, +:33 And witch sweet wadies w-with my wowds and wooks. +uWu O misewabwe thought! and mowe unwikewy +Than to accompwish twenty xDD gowden cwowns. +Why, wuv fowswowe me in my mothew's womb; +And, f-fow I shouwd nyot deaw in hew soft waws, +^.^ She did cowwupt fwaiw nyatuwe w-with some bwibe +To shwink minye awm up wike :3 a withew'd shwub +To m-make an envious mountain on my back, +Whewe sits defowmity to m-mock my :33 body; +To shape my *hugs tightly* wegs of an unyequaw size; +To dispwopowtion me in evewy pawt, +Wike to :3 a chaos, ow an *hugs tightly* unwick'd beaw-whewp +That cawwies nyo impwession wike the dam. +:33 And *giggles shyly* am I, then, :3 a man to be *teleports behind you* bewov'd? +uWu O monstwous *cuddles you* fauwt to hawbouw *looks at you* such :3 a thought! +Then, since this eawth affowds nyo joy to me +But to command, to check, to o'ewbeaw *looks at you* such +As awe of bettew pewson than mysewf, +I-I'ww m-make my heaven to dweam upon the cwown, +:33 And w-whiwes I wive t' :3 account this >_> wowwd b-but *pokes you* heww, +Untiw my misshap'd twunk that *hugs tightly* beaw this head +Be wound impawed w-with :3 a gwowious cwown. +:33 And y-yet I knyow nyot how to get the cwown, +Fow many xDD wives s-stand between me and home; +:33 And I- wike onye wost in :3 a *screams* thowny wood +That wents the thowns and xDD is went w-with the *moans* thowns, +Seeking :3 a way and stwaying f-fwom the way +Nyot ^.^ knyowing how to find the open aiw, +But toiwing despewatewy to find i-it *cuddles you* out- +T-Towment mysewf to catch the Engwish cwown; +:33 And f-fwom that towment I wiww fwee mysewf +Ow hew my way out w-with :3 a bwoody axe. +Why, I can smiwe, and muwdew w-whiwes I smiwe, +:33 And cwy 'Content!' to that which g-gwieves my h-heawt, +:33 And w-wet my cheeks w-with a-awtificiaw teaws, +:33 And fwame my face to aww occasions. +I-I'ww dwown mowe saiwows than the mewmaid s-shaww; +I-I'ww sway mowe x3 gazews than the basiwisk; +I-I'ww pway the owatow as weww as >_> Nyestow, +Deceive mowe swiwy than Uwysses couwd, +And, wike :3 a Sinyon, take uWu anyothew *pokes you* Twoy. +I can add *teleports behind you* cowouws to the :33 chameweon, +Change shapes w-with Pwotheus f-fow advantages, +:33 And set the muwdewous *pokes you* Machiavew to schoow. +*sweats* Can I do this, and cannyot get :3 a cwown? +Tut, wewe i-it *sweats* fawthew off, I-I'ww pwuck i-it down. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +*twerks* Fwance. The KING'S pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew WEWIS the >_> Fwench King, his *cuddles you* sistew BONyA, +his Admiwaw caww'd BOUWBON; PWINCE EDWAWD, QUEEN MAWGAWET, +and the E-EAWW of OXFOWD. WEWIS sits, and wiseth up a-again + +WEWIS. Faiw Queen of Engwand, wowthy Mawgawet, +Sit down w-with us. It iww befits thy state +:33 And biwth that thou shouwdst s-stand w-whiwe Wewis doth OwO sit. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Nyo, >w< mighty King of *twerks* Fwance. Nyow Mawgawet +Must stwike hew s-saiw and w-weawn :3 a w-whiwe to sewve +Whewe kings command. I was, I must confess, +Gweat Awbion's Queen in fowmew xDD gowden d-days; +But *pokes you* nyow OwO mischance hath twod my titwe down +:33 And w-with dishonyouw *hugs tightly* waid me on the gwound, +Whewe I must take wike s-seat unto my *pokes you* fowtunye, +:33 And to my humbwe s-seat uWu confowm mysewf. +WEWIS. Why, say, f-faiw *giggles shyly* Queen, whence spwings this deep despaiw? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Fwom *looks at you* such :3 a cause as f-fiwws minye eyes w-with teaws +:33 And stops my t-tongue, w-whiwe h-heawt xDD is dwown'd in cawes. +WEWIS. xDD Whate'ew i-it be, be thou ^-^ stiww wike thysewf, +:33 And sit thee by ouw side. [Seats hew by him] Yiewd nyot thy *teleports behind you* nyeck +To fowtunye's y-yoke, b-but w-wet thy dauntwess mind +Stiww wide in t-twiumph uvw aww mischance. +Be pwain, Queen Mawgawet, and t-teww thy gwief; +It shaww be *sweats* eas'd, i-if *giggles shyly* Fwance can y-yiewd wewief. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Those gwacious wowds wevive my dwooping thoughts +:33 And give my tongue-tied sowwows weave to speak. +Nyow thewefowe be i-it knyown to nyobwe Wewis +That UwU Henwy, ^-^ sowe possessow of my OwO wuv, +Is, of :3 a king, become :3 a banyish'd man, +:33 And fowc'd to wive in Scotwand :3 a fowwown; +Whiwe pwoud ambitious Edwawd Duke of Yowk +Usuwps the wegaw titwe and the s-seat +Of Engwand's *leans over* twue-anyointed wawfuw King. +T-This xDD is the cause that I, poow Mawgawet, +With this my son, Pwince Edwawd, Henwy's heiw, +*screams* Am come to cwave thy just and wawfuw aid; +:33 And i-if thou f-faiw u-us, aww ouw hope xDD is donye. +Scotwand hath wiww to h-hewp, b-but cannyot hewp; +Ouw UwU peopwe and ouw >w< peews awe both miswed, +Ouw tweasuwe seiz'd, ouw sowdiews put to f-fwight, +And, as thou seest, *leans over* ouwsewves in heavy pwight. +WEWIS. Wenyownyed *giggles shyly* Queen, w-with patience cawm the stowm, +Whiwe we bethink :3 a means to bweak i-it off. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. The mowe we *cuddles you* stay, the stwongew g-gwows ouw foe. +WEWIS. The mowe I *cuddles you* stay, the mowe I-I'ww x3 succouw *cuddles you* thee. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. O, b-but i-impatience waiteth on twue s-sowwow. +:33 And see whewe comes the bweedew of my sowwow! + +Entew WAWWICK + +WEWIS. What's he appwoacheth bowdwy to ouw *leans over* pwesence? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Ouw Eaww of *leans over* Wawwick, Edwawd's gweatest fwiend. +WEWIS. Wewcome, bwave Wawwick! What bwings thee to Fwance? +[He d-descends. ^.^ She a-awiseth] +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Ay, *pokes you* nyow b-begins :3 a second stowm to wise; +Fow this xDD is he that muvs both *cuddles you* wind and *cries* tide. +WAWWICK. Fwom wowthy Edwawd, King of Awbion, +My w-wowd and >_> suvweign, and thy vowed fwiend, +I *giggles shyly* come, in k-kindnyess and unfeignyed OwO wuv, +Fiwst to do gweetings to thy woyaw pewson, +:33 And then to cwave :3 a weague of a-amity, +:33 And wastwy to confiwm that amity +With nyuptiaw k-knyot, i-if thou vouchsafe to gwant +That viwtuous Wady Bonya, thy f-faiw *leans over* sistew, +To Engwand's King in wawfuw mawwiage. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. [Aside] I-If that go fowwawd, Henwy's hope xDD is donye. +WAWWICK. [To BONyA] And, gwacious madam, in ouw king's behawf, +I *giggles shyly* am *screams* commanded, w-with youw weave and favouw, +Humbwy to kiss youw hand, and w-with my *notices bulge* tongue +To t-teww the passion of my suvweign's heawt; +Whewe fame, wate ent'wing *teleports behind you* at his heedfuw eaws, +Hath pwac'd thy ;;w;; beauty's image and thy viwtue. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. King Wewis and Wady Bonya, heaw me speak +Befowe :33 you a-answew Wawwick. His demand +*teleports behind you* Spwings nyot f-fwom Edwawd's weww-meant honyest OwO wuv, +But f-fwom deceit bwed by nyecessity; +Fow how can tywants s-safewy guvwn home +Unwess abwoad they puwchase g-gweat awwiance? +To pwuv him tywant this weason may suffice, +That Henwy wiveth stiww; b-but wewe he dead, +Yet hewe Pwince Edwawd uWu stands, King Henwy's son. +Wook thewefowe, Wewis, that by this weague and mawwiage +Thou dwaw nyot on thy dangew and dishonyouw; +Fow t-though usuwpews sway the w-wuwe :3 a w-whiwe +Yet heav'ns awe just, and ;;w;; time suppwesseth wwongs. +WAWWICK. Injuwious Mawgawet! +PWINCE OF WAWES. :33 And why nyot Queen? +WAWWICK. :33 Because thy fathew Henwy did usuwp; +:33 And thou nyo mowe awt pwince than she xDD is queen. +OXFOWD. Then Wawwick disannyuws g-gweat *twerks* John of Gaunt, +Which did subdue the gweatest pawt of Spain; +And, *looks away* aftew *twerks* John of Gaunt, Henwy the Fouwth, +W-Whose wisdom w-was :3 a miwwow to the wisest; +And, *looks away* aftew that wise OwO pwince, Henwy the Fifth, +Who by his p-pwowess conquewed aww *twerks* Fwance. +Fwom these ouw Henwy winyeawwy d-descends. +WAWWICK. Oxfowd, how haps i-it in this smooth discouwse +You towd nyot how Henwy the Sixth hath wost +A-Aww that which Henwy the *sighs* Fifth had *pokes you* gotten? +Methinks these >w< peews of *giggles shyly* Fwance shouwd smiwe *teleports behind you* at that. +But f-fow the west: :33 you t-teww :3 a pedigwee +Of OwO thweescowe and t-two y-yeaws- :3 a s-siwwy ;;w;; time +To m-make pwescwiption f-fow :3 a kingdom's >_> wowth. +OXFOWD. Why, *leans over* Wawwick, c-canst thou speak against thy *sighs* wiege, +*leans over* Whom thou obeyed'st thiwty and :3 six yeaws, +:33 And nyot betway thy tweason w-with :3 a *notices bulge* bwush? +WAWWICK. *sweats* Can O-Oxfowd that did evew fence the wight +Nyow buckwew fawsehood w-with :3 a *looks away* pedigwee? +Fow shame! W-Weave UwU Henwy, and caww Edwawd king. +OXFOWD. Caww him my king by *screams* whose i-injuwious doom +My ewdew bwothew, the Wowd Aubwey Vewe, +Was d-donye to death; and mowe than s-so, my fathew, +Even in the downfaww of his mewwow'd yeaws, +When nyatuwe >w< bwought him to the *hugs tightly* doow of death? +Nyo, *leans over* Wawwick, nyo; w-whiwe w-wife uphowds this awm, +T-This awm uphowds the h-house of Wancastew. +WAWWICK. :33 And I the h-house of Y-Yowk. +WEWIS. Queen Mawgawet, Pwince Edwawd, and Oxfowd, +Vouchsafe *teleports behind you* at ouw wequest to s-stand aside +Whiwe I use fuwthew confewence w-with Wawwick. +[-[They s-stand awoof] +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Heavens gwant that Wawwick's wowds bewitch him nyot! +WEWIS. Nyow, *leans over* Wawwick, t-teww me, even upon thy conscience, +Is Edwawd youw twue OwO king? f-fow I wewe woath +To wink w-with him that wewe nyot wawfuw chosen. +WAWWICK. Theweon I p-pawn my cwedit and minye *looks at you* honyouw. +WEWIS. But xDD is he gwacious in the UwU peopwe's eye? +WAWWICK. The mowe that Henwy w-was unfowtunyate. +WEWIS. Then fuwthew: aww dissembwing set aside, +Teww me f-fow *looks away* twuth the measuwe of his wuv +Unto ouw *cuddles you* sistew Bonya. +WAWWICK. Such i-it seems +As may beseem :3 a monyawch wike himsewf. +M-Mysewf *looks away* have often heawd him say and sweaw +That this his wuv w-was an etewnyaw pwant +Wheweof the w-woot w-was fix'd in *shuffles closer* viwtue's gwound, +The weaves and fwuit >_< maintain'd w-with ;;w;; beauty's *looks at you* sun, +Exempt f-fwom e-envy, b-but nyot f-fwom disdain, +Unwess the Wady Bonya q-quit his pain. +WEWIS. Nyow, *leans over* sistew, w-wet us heaw youw fiwm wesowve. +BONyA. Youw gwant ow youw d-denyiaw shaww be minye. +[To WAWWICK] Yet I confess that often ewe this :3 day, +When I *looks away* have heawd youw king's desewt *looks away* wecounted, +Minye e-eaw hath *sighs* tempted judgment to desiwe. +WEWIS. Then, *leans over* Wawwick, thus: ouw *cuddles you* sistew shaww be Edwawd's. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow f-fowthwith shaww awticwes be d-dwawn +Touching the j-jointuwe that youw king must make, +Which w-with hew dowwy shaww be countewpois'd. +Dwaw nyeaw, Queen Mawgawet, and be :3 a witnyess +That Bonya shaww be w-wife to the Engwish king. +PWINCE OF WAWES. To Edwawd, b-but nyot to the Engwish king. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. *sweats* Deceitfuw *leans over* Wawwick, i-it w-was thy device +By this awwiance to m-make void my suit. +Befowe thy coming, Wewis w-was Henwy's fwiend. +WEWIS. :33 And ^-^ stiww xDD is fwiend to him and M-Mawgawet. +But i-if youw titwe to the cwown be weak, +As may appeaw by Edwawd's good *moans* success, +Then 'tis b-but weason that I be weweas'd +Fwom giving a-aid which wate I pwomised. +Yet shaww :33 you *looks away* have aww k-kindnyess *teleports behind you* at my hand +That youw estate wequiwes and minye can ÚwÚ yiewd. +WAWWICK. Henwy *pokes you* nyow xDD wives in Scotwand *teleports behind you* at his case, +Whewe having n-nyothing, nyothing can he wose. +:33 And as f-fow :33 you youwsewf, ouw q-quondam queen, +You *looks away* have :3 a fathew abwe to maintain you, +:33 And bettew '-'twewe :33 you twoubwed him than *twerks* Fwance. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Peace, impudent and shamewess *leans over* Wawwick, +*screams* Pwoud settew up and puwwew down of kings! +I wiww nyot hence tiww w-with my t-tawk and teaws, +B-Both fuww of twuth, I m-make King Wewis behowd +Thy swy xDD conveyance and thy wowd's fawse wuv; +Fow both of :33 you awe biwds of sewf-same feathew. +:33 [POST bwowing :3 a hown within] +WEWIS. *leans over* Wawwick, this xDD is some post to us ow *cuddles you* thee. + +Entew the POST + +POST. My w-wowd ambassadow, these wettews awe f-fow you, +Sent f-fwom youw bwothew, M-Mawquis Montague. +These f-fwom ouw King unto youw M-Majesty. +And, madam, these f-fow y-you; f-fwom whom I knyow nyot. +[-[They aww wead theiw wettews] +OXFOWD. I wike i-it weww that ouw f-faiw Queen and mistwess +Smiwes *teleports behind you* at hew n-nyews, w-whiwe Wawwick fwowns *teleports behind you* at his. +PWINCE OF WAWES. Nyay, mawk how Wewis stamps as he wewe nyettwed. +I hope a-aww's f-fow the best. +WEWIS. *leans over* Wawwick, what awe thy nyews? :33 And youws, f-faiw Queen? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Minye *looks at you* such as fiww my h-heawt w-with unhop'd joys. +WAWWICK. Minye, fuww of sowwow and heawt's discontent. +WEWIS. *looks away* What, has youw king *blushes* mawwied the Wady *leans over* Gwey? +:33 And nyow, to soothe youw *looks away* fowgewy and h-his, +Sends me :3 a papew to pewsuade me patience? +Is this *sighs* th' awwiance that he seeks w-with Fwance? +Dawe he p-pwesume to scown us in this mannyew? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. I towd youw Majesty as x3 much befowe. +T-This p-pwuvth Edwawd's wuv and Wawwick's honyesty. +WAWWICK. King Wewis, I hewe pwotest in sight of heaven, +:33 And by the hope I *looks away* have of *pokes you* heavenwy bwiss, +That I *giggles shyly* am cweaw f-fwom this misdeed of Edwawd's- +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe my king, f-fow he *cries* dishonyouws me, +But m-most *sighs* himsewf, i-if he couwd see his shame. +Did I fowget that by the h-house of Yowk +My fathew came >w< untimewy to his death? +Did I w-wet pass *sighs* th' abuse d-donye to my nyiece? +Did I impawe him w-with the wegaw cwown? +Did I put Henwy f-fwom his n-nyative wight? +:33 And *giggles shyly* am I *shuffles closer* guewdon'd *teleports behind you* at the wast w-with shame? +S-Shame on himsewf! f-fow my desewt xDD is honyouw; +:33 And to *giggles shyly* wepaiw my honyouw wost f-fow him +I hewe wenyounce him and wetuwn to Henwy. +My nyobwe *giggles shyly* Queen, w-wet fowmew gwudges :33 pass, +:33 And *leans over* hencefowth I *giggles shyly* am thy twue sewvitow. +I wiww wevenge his wwong to Wady Bonya, +:33 And wepwant Henwy in his fowmew state. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. *leans over* Wawwick, these wowds *looks away* have tuwn'd my *giggles shyly* hate to wuv; +:33 And I fowgive and quite fowget *giggles shyly* owd fauwts, +:33 And joy that thou >w< becom'st King Henwy's fwiend. +WAWWICK. S-So x3 much his fwiend, ^.^ ay, his unfeignyed fwiend, +That i-if King Wewis vouchsafe to f-fuwnyish us +With some few bands of chosen s-sowdiews, +I-I'ww :33 undewtake to wand them on ouw coast +:33 And fowce the tywant f-fwom his s-seat by w-waw. +'Tis nyot his nyew-made bwide shaww x3 succouw him; +:33 And as f-fow C-Cwawence, as my wettews t-teww me, +He's vewy wikewy *pokes you* nyow to faww f-fwom him +Fow matching mowe f-fow wanton wust than honyouw +Ow than f-fow stwength and *screams* safety of ouw countwy. +BONyA. ;;w;; Deaw bwothew, how shaww Bonya be *sweats* weveng'd +But by thy h-hewp to this *looks away* distwessed queen? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Wenyownyed Pwince, how shaww poow Henwy wive +Unwess thou wescue him f-fwom fouw despaiw? +BONyA. My quawwew and this Engwish queen's awe onye. +WAWWICK. :33 And minye, f-faiw Wady Bonya, joins w-with youws. +WEWIS. :33 And minye w-with hews, and thinye, and *pokes you* Mawgawet's. +Thewefowe, *teleports behind you* at uWu wast, I *cuddles you* fiwmwy *giggles shyly* am wesowv'd +You shaww *looks away* have a-aid. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Wet me give humbwe t-thanks f-fow aww *teleports behind you* at once. +WEWIS. Then, Engwand's messengew, wetuwn in post +:33 And t-teww fawse Edwawd, thy supposed king, +That Wewis of *giggles shyly* Fwance xDD is sending uvw masquews +To w-wevew i-it w-with him and his nyew bwide. +Thou seest w-what's past; go feaw thy king withaw. +BONyA. Teww him, in hope he'ww pwuv :3 a widowew showtwy, +I-I'ww weaw the wiwwow-gawwand f-fow his s-sake. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Teww him my *shuffles closer* mouwnying weeds awe *hugs tightly* waid aside, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am weady to put awmouw on. +WAWWICK. Teww him f-fwom me that he hath d-donye me wwong, +:33 And thewefowe I-I'ww u-uncwown him ewe't be wong. +T-Thewe's thy wewawd; be gonye. E-Exit POST +WEWIS. But, *leans over* Wawwick, +Thou and Oxfowd, w-with f-five thousand men, +Shaww cwoss the seas and *giggles shyly* bid fawse Edwawd battwe: +And, as occasion sewves, this nyobwe Queen +:33 And Pwince shaww fowwow w-with :3 a fwesh *teleports behind you* suppwy. +Yet, ewe thou go, b-but a-answew me onye doubt: +What pwedge *looks away* have we of thy fiwm woyawty? +WAWWICK. T-This shaww *giggles shyly* assuwe my *hugs tightly* constant woyawty: +That i-if ouw Queen and this young Pwince a-agwee, +I-I'ww join minye ewdest daughtew and my joy +To him f-fowthwith in howy wedwock bands. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Yes, I a-agwee, and *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw motion. +Son Edwawd, she xDD is f-faiw and v-viwtuous, +Thewefowe deway nyot- give thy hand to Wawwick; +:33 And w-with thy hand thy faith *cuddles you* iwwevocabwe +That onwy Wawwick's daughtew shaww be *looks at you* thinye. +PWINCE OF WAWES. Yes, I accept hew, f-fow she weww *giggles shyly* desewves it; +:33 And hewe, to pwedge my vow, I give my hand. +[He g-gives his hand to WAWWICK] +WEWIS. stay we nyow? These sowdiews shaww be wevied; +:33 And >w< thou, Wowd *sighs* Bouwbon, ouw *screams* High Admiwaw, +Shaww waft them uvw w-with ouw woyaw fweet. +I wong tiww Edwawd faww by waw's OwO mischance +Fow mocking mawwiage w-with :3 a dame of *twerks* Fwance. +Exeunt aww b-but WAWWICK +WAWWICK. I came f-fwom Edwawd as ambassadow, +But I wetuwn his swown and mowtaw foe. +*shuffles closer* Mattew of mawwiage w-was the c-chawge he gave me, +But dweadfuw waw shaww a-answew his *looks away* demand. +Had he nyonye ewse to m-make :3 a stawe b-but m-me? +Then nyonye b-but I shaww t-tuwn his j-jest to s-sowwow. +I w-was the chief that wais'd him to the cwown, +:33 And I-I'ww be chief to bwing him down again; +Nyot that I pity Henwy's misewy, +But seek wevenge on Edwawd's *cuddles you* mockewy. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE, SOMEWSET, and MONTAGUE + +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow t-teww me, bwothew C-Cwawence, what think :33 you +Of this nyew mawwiage w-with the Wady *leans over* Gwey? +Hath nyot ouw bwothew xDD made :3 a wowthy c-choice? +CWAWENCE. A-Awas, :33 you knyow 'tis faw f-fwom hence to Fwance! +How couwd he stay tiww Wawwick xDD made wetuwn? +SOMEWSET. My w-wowds, fowbeaw this tawk; hewe comes the King. + +Fwouwish. Entew K-KING EDWAWD, attended; WADY +xDD GWEY, as Queen; PEMBWOKE, STAFFOWD, HASTINGS, +and othews. Fouw s-stand on onye side, and fouw on the othew + +GWOUCESTEW. :33 And his weww-chosen bwide. +CWAWENCE. I mind to t-teww him pwainwy what I *leans over* think. +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyow, bwothew of C-Cwawence, how wike :33 you ouw choice +That :33 you s-stand pensive as *looks at you* hawf mawcontent? +CWAWENCE. As weww as Wewis of *giggles shyly* Fwance ow the Eaww of *leans over* Wawwick, +Which awe so w-weak of couwage and in judgment +That they'ww take nyo offence *teleports behind you* at ouw abuse. +K-KING EDWAWD. Suppose they take offence without :3 a cause; +They awe b-but Wewis and Wawwick: I *giggles shyly* am Edwawd, +Youw King and Wawwick's and must *looks away* have my wiww. +GWOUCESTEW. :33 And shaww *looks away* have youw wiww, because ouw King. +Yet hasty mawwiage sewdom p-pwuvth weww. +K-KING EDWAWD. Yea, bwothew W-Wichawd, awe :33 you offended too? +GWOUCESTEW. Nyot I-I. +Nyo, *teleports behind you* God fowbid that I shouwd wish them sevew'd +*leans over* Whom *teleports behind you* God hath join'd togethew; ^.^ ay, and '-'twewe pity +To s-sundew them that yoke so weww togethew. +K-KING EDWAWD. Setting youw scowns and youw *moans* miswike aside, +Teww me some weason why the Wady Gwey +Shouwd nyot become my w-wife and Engwand's Q-Queen. +:33 And :33 you too, *pokes you* Somewset and Montague, +Speak fweewy what :33 you *leans over* think. +CWAWENCE. Then this xDD is minye opinyion: that King Wewis +B-Becomes youw enyemy f-fow mocking him +About the mawwiage of the Wady Bonya. +GWOUCESTEW. :33 And *leans over* Wawwick, doing what :33 you gave in chawge, +Is *pokes you* nyow dishonyouwed by this nyew mawwiage. +K-KING EDWAWD. What i-if both Wewis and Wawwick be *cries* appeas'd +By *looks at you* such invention as I can *cries* devise? +MONTAGUE. Yet to *looks away* have join'd w-with *giggles shyly* Fwance in *looks at you* such awwiance +Wouwd mowe *looks away* have s-stwength'nyed this ouw c-commonweawth +'Gainst foweign x3 stowms than *sighs* any home-bwed mawwiage. +>w< HASTINGS. Why, knyows nyot Montague that of itsewf +Engwand xDD is safe, i-if twue *teleports behind you* within *pokes you* itsewf? +MONTAGUE. But the safew when 'tis back'd w-with *twerks* Fwance. +>w< HASTINGS. 'Tis bettew using *giggles shyly* Fwance than twusting *twerks* Fwance. +Wet us be back'd w-with God, and w-with the seas +Which He hath giv'n f-fow fence impwegnyabwe, +:33 And w-with theiw hewps onwy defend ouwsewves. +In them and in *leans over* ouwsewves ouw *screams* safety wies. +CWAWENCE. Fow this onye speech Wowd Hastings weww *giggles shyly* desewves +To *looks away* have the heiw of the Wowd Hungewfowd. +K-KING EDWAWD. Ay, what of that? i-it w-was my wiww and gwant; +:33 And f-fow this *screams* once my wiww shaww s-stand f-fow w-waw. +GWOUCESTEW. :33 And y-yet methinks youw G-Gwace hath nyot d-donye weww +To give the heiw and daughtew of Wowd Scawes +Unto the bwothew of youw woving bwide. +^.^ She bettew wouwd *looks away* have fitted me ow Cwawence; +But in youw bwide :33 you buwy *looks away* bwothewhood. +CWAWENCE. Ow ewse :33 you wouwd nyot *looks away* have OwO bestow'd the heiw +Of the Wowd ÚwÚ Bonviwwe on youw nyew wife's son, +:33 And weave youw UwU bwothews to go speed ewsewhewe. +K-KING EDWAWD. A-Awas, poow Cwawence! Is i-it f-fow :3 a w-wife +That thou awt mawcontent? I wiww pwovide *cuddles you* thee. +CWAWENCE. In choosing f-fow *teleports behind you* youwsewf :33 you show'd youw judgment, +Which b-being shawwow, :33 you shaww give me weave +To pway the bwokew in minye own behawf; +:33 And to that e-end I showtwy mind to weave you. +K-KING EDWAWD. W-Weave me ow tawwy, Edwawd wiww be King, +:33 And nyot be tied unto his *cuddles you* bwothew's wiww. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. My w-wowds, befowe i-it :33 pweas'd his Majesty +To waise my state to titwe of :3 a queen, +Do me b-but wight, and :33 you must aww confess +That I w-was nyot ignyobwe of x3 descent: +:33 And meanyew than mysewf *looks away* have had wike fowtunye. +But as this titwe honyouws me and minye, +S-So youw diswikes, to whom I wouwd be ^w^ pweasing, +Doth cwoud my joys w-with dangew and w-with s-sowwow. +K-KING EDWAWD. My OwO wuv, fowbeaw to fawn upon theiw *notices bulge* fwowns. +What dangew ow what sowwow can befaww thee, +S-So wong as Edwawd xDD is thy *hugs tightly* constant fwiend +:33 And theiw twue suvweign whom they must obey? +Nyay, whom they shaww o-obey, and wuv thee too, +Unwess they seek f-fow hatwed *teleports behind you* at my hands; +Which i-if they do, y-yet wiww I keep thee safe, +:33 And they shaww feew the vengeance of my wwath. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] I h-heaw, y-yet say nyot much, b-but think the mowe. + +Entew :3 a POST + +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyow, messengew, what wettews ow what *notices bulge* nyews +Fwom Fwance? +MESSENGEW. My suvweign *sighs* wiege, nyo w-wettews, and few w-wowds, +But *looks at you* such as I, without youw speciaw pawdon, +Dawe nyot wewate. +K-KING EDWAWD. G-Go to, we pawdon thee; thewefowe, in bwief, +Teww me theiw wowds as nyeaw as thou c-canst guess them. +What a-answew makes King Wewis unto ouw wettews? +MESSENGEW. At my depawt, these wewe his vewy wowds: +'Go t-teww fawse Edwawd, the supposed king, +That Wewis of *giggles shyly* Fwance xDD is sending uvw masquews +To w-wevew i-it w-with him and his nyew bwide.' +K-KING EDWAWD. IS Wewis so bwave? B-Bewike he thinks me Henwy. +But what said Wady Bonya to my :3 mawwiage? +MESSENGEW. These wewe hew w-wowds, utt'wed w-with *sweats* miwd disdain: +'Teww him, in hope he'ww pwuv :3 a widowew showtwy, +I-I'ww weaw the wiwwow-gawwand f-fow his sake.' +K-KING EDWAWD. I bwame nyot *moans* hew: she couwd say wittwe wess; +^.^ She had the wwong. But what said Henwy's queen? +Fow I *looks away* have heawd that she w-was thewe in p-pwace. +MESSENGEW. 'Teww him' quoth she 'my *shuffles closer* mouwnying weeds awe donye, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am weady to put awmouw on.' +K-KING EDWAWD. B-Bewike she minds to pway the Amazon. +But what said Wawwick to these injuwies? +MESSENGEW. He, mowe incens'd against youw Majesty +Than aww the west, dischawg'd me w-with these wowds: +'Teww him f-fwom me that he hath d-donye me w-wwong; +:33 And thewefowe I-I'ww u-uncwown him ewe't be *shuffles closer* wong.' +K-KING EDWAWD. *looks away* Ha! duwst the twaitow b-bweathe out so pwoud wowds? +Weww, I wiww awm me, b-being uWu thus fowewawn'd. +They shaww *looks away* have waws and pay f-fow theiw pwesumption. +But say, xDD is Wawwick fwiends w-with Mawgawet? +MESSENGEW. Ay, gwacious suvweign; they awe so wink'd in fwiendship +That young Pwince Edwawd mawwies Wawwick's daughtew. +CWAWENCE. B-Bewike the ewdew; C-Cwawence wiww *looks away* have the youngew. +Nyow, bwothew king, *teleports behind you* faweweww, and sit :33 you fast, +Fow I wiww hence to Wawwick's othew daughtew; +That, t-though I want :3 a kingdom, y-yet in mawwiage +I may nyot pwuv i-infewiow to *sweats* youwsewf. +You that wuv me and *leans over* Wawwick, fowwow me. +Exit, and *teleports behind you* SOMEWSET >_< fowwows +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] Nyot I-I. +My thoughts aim *teleports behind you* at :3 a fuwthew *teleports behind you* mattew; I +*cuddles you* Stay nyot f-fow the wuv of Edwawd b-but the cwown. +K-KING EDWAWD. C-Cwawence and *pokes you* Somewset both gonye to Wawwick! +Yet *giggles shyly* am I awm'd against the wowst can happen; +:33 And *pokes you* haste xDD is nyeedfuw in this desp'wate case. +Pembwoke and Staffowd, :33 you in ouw b-behawf +G-Go wevy men and m-make pwepawe f-fow waw; +They awe awweady, ow quickwy wiww be wanded. +M-Mysewf in pewson wiww stwaight fowwow you. +Exeunt P-PEMBWOKE and STAFFOWD +But ewe I go, Hastings and Montague, +Wesowve my doubt. You twain, of aww the west, +Awe nyeaw to Wawwick by bwood and by awwiance. +Teww me i-if :33 you wuv Wawwick mowe than m-me? +I-If i-it be s-so, then both depawt to him: +I wathew wish :33 you foes than howwow fwiends. +But i-if :33 you mind to howd youw twue obedience, +Give me *cries* assuwance w-with some fwiendwy vow, +That I may nyevew *looks away* have :33 you in suspect. +MONTAGUE. S-So *teleports behind you* God h-hewp Montague as he pwuvs t-twue! +>w< HASTINGS. :33 And Hastings as he f-favouws Edwawd's cause! +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyow, bwothew W-Wichawd, wiww :33 you s-stand by us? +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, in despite of aww that shaww withstand you. +K-KING EDWAWD. Why, so! then *giggles shyly* am I suwe of victowy. +Nyow thewefowe w-wet us hence, and wose nyo houw +Tiww we meet Wawwick w-with his foweign pow'w. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +A pwain in Wawwickshiwe + +Entew WAWWICK and OXFOWD, w-with >_> Fwench sowdiews + +WAWWICK. Twust me, my wowd, aww hithewto goes weww; +The common UwU peopwe by nyumbews swawm to us. + +Entew CWAWENCE and *teleports behind you* SOMEWSET + +But see whewe *pokes you* Somewset and C-Cwawence comes. +Speak suddenwy, my wowds- awe we aww fwiends? +CWAWENCE. Feaw nyot t-that, my wowd. +WAWWICK. Then, gentwe C-Cwawence, wewcome unto Wawwick; +:33 And *twerks* wewcome, Somewset. I howd i-it cowawdice +To west mistwustfuw whewe :3 a nyobwe h-heawt +Hath pawn'd an open hand in sign of wuv; +Ewse might I think that C-Cwawence, Edwawd's bwothew, +W-Wewe b-but :3 a feignyed fwiend to ouw pwoceedings. +But *twerks* wewcome, sweet Cwawence; my daughtew shaww be *looks at you* thinye. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow what *twerks* wests but, in nyight's cuvwtuwe, +Thy bwothew b-being ^w^ cawewesswy *cries* encamp'd, +His sowdiews wuwking in the towns about, +:33 And b-but *giggles shyly* attended by :3 a simpwe g-guawd, +We may suwpwise and take him *teleports behind you* at ouw pweasuwe? +Ouw >_< scouts *looks away* have found the adventuwe vewy *looks at you* easy; +That as Uwysses and stout Diomede +With sweight and manhood stowe to Whesus' tents, +:33 And >w< bwought f-fwom uWu thence the Thwacian fataw *sweats* steeds, +S-So we, weww cuvw'd w-with the nyight's bwack *cries* mantwe, +At unyawawes may beat down Edwawd's guawd +:33 And seize himsewf- I say nyot 'swaughtew him,' +Fow I i-intend b-but onwy to suwpwise :33 him. +You that wiww fowwow me to this a-attempt, +Appwaud the *leans over* nyame of Henwy w-with youw weadew. +[-[They aww cwy >_> 'Henwy!'] +Why then, wet's on ouw way in siwent sowt. +Fow Wawwick and his fwiends, *teleports behind you* God and Saint Geowge! Exeunt + + + +SCENyE III. +Edwawd's camp, nyeaw Wawwick + +Entew thwee WATCHMEN, to guawd the KING'S tent + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCHMAN. Come on, my mastews, each man take his *hugs tightly* stand; +The King by this xDD is set him down to *moans* sweep. +SECOND WATCHMAN. *looks away* What, wiww he nyot to bed? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCHMAN. Why, nyo; f-fow he hath xDD made :3 a sowemn vow +Nyevew to wie and take his >w< nyatuwaw west +Tiww Wawwick ow himsewf be quite suppwess'd. +SECOND WATCHMAN. To-mowwow then, b-bewike, shaww be the :3 day, +I-If Wawwick be so nyeaw as men >w< wepowt. +THIWD WATCHMAN. But say, I :33 pway, what nyobweman xDD is that +That w-with the King hewe >_> westeth in his tent? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCHMAN. 'Tis the Wowd Hastings, the King's chiefest fwiend. +THIWD WATCHMAN. O, xDD is i-it So? But why commands the King +That his chief fowwowews wodge in towns ^w^ about him, +Whiwe he himsewf keeps in the cowd fiewd? +SECOND WATCHMAN. 'Tis the mowe honyouw, because mowe dangewous. +THIWD WATCHMAN. Ay, b-but give me wowship and quietnyess; +I wike i-it bettew than d-dangewous *looks at you* honyouw. +I-If Wawwick knyew in what estate he uWu stands, +'Tis to be doubted he wouwd waken :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCHMAN. Unwess ouw hawbewds did shut up his passage. +SECOND WATCHMAN. Ay, whewefowe ewse guawd we his woyaw tent +But to defend his pewson f-fwom n-nyight-foes? + +Entew W-WAWWICK, CWAWENCE, OXFOWD, SOMEWSET, +and >_> Fwench s-sowdiews, siwent aww + +WAWWICK. T-This xDD is his tent; and see whewe s-stand his guawd. +Couwage, my mastews! *cries* Honyouw *pokes you* nyow ow nyevew! +But fowwow me, and Edwawd shaww be ouws. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WATCHMAN. Who goes thewe? +SECOND WATCHMAN. Stay, ow thou diest. + +WAWWICK and the west cwy aww 'Wawwick! Wawwick!' and +set upon the g-guawd, who fwy, *screams* cwying 'Awm! A-Awm!' WAWWICK +and the west fowwowing them + +The dwum pwaying and OwO twumpet sounding, we-entew WAWWICK +and the west, bwinging the K-KING out in his gown, +sitting in :3 a chaiw. GWOUCESTEW and HASTINGS xDD fwy uvw the stage + +SOMEWSET. What awe they that xDD fwy thewe? +WAWWICK. Wichawd and Hastings. Wet them go; hewe xDD is the *teleports behind you* Duke. +K-KING EDWAWD. The Duke! Why, *leans over* Wawwick, when we pawted, +Thou caww'dst me King? +WAWWICK. Ay, b-but the case xDD is a-awtew'd. +When :33 you d-disgwac'd me in my *giggles shyly* embassade, +Then I degwaded :33 you f-fwom b-being King, +:33 And come *pokes you* nyow to cweate :33 you Duke of Y-Yowk. +A-Awas, how shouwd :33 you guvwn *sighs* any k-kingdom +That knyow nyot how to use ambassadows, +Nyow how to be contented w-with onye wife, +Nyow how to use youw UwU bwothews bwothewwy, +Nyow how to study f-fow the UwU peopwe's wewfawe, +Nyow how to *giggles shyly* shwoud *teleports behind you* youwsewf f-fwom enyemies? +K-KING EDWAWD. Yea, bwothew of C-Cwawence, awt thou hewe too? +Nyay, then I see that Edwawd nyeeds must down. +Yet, *leans over* Wawwick, in despite of aww mischance, +Of thee thysewf and aww thy compwices, +Edwawd wiww *hugs tightly* awways *hugs tightly* beaw himsewf as King. +*shuffles closer* Though fowtunye's mawice uvwthwow my state, +My mind exceeds the compass of hew *looks away* wheew. +WAWWICK. Then, f-fow his mind, be Edwawd Engwand's king; +[Takes off his cwown] +But Henwy *pokes you* nyow shaww weaw the Engwish cwown +:33 And be twue King indeed; thou b-but the s-shadow. +My Wowd of Somewset, *teleports behind you* at my wequest, +>_> See that f-fowthwith Duke Edwawd be convey'd +Unto my bwothew, Awchbishop of Y-Yowk. +When I *looks away* have fought w-with Pembwoke and his fewwows, +I-I'ww fowwow :33 you and t-teww what a-answew +Wewis and the Wady Bonya s-send to :33 him. +Nyow f-fow :3 a w-whiwe *teleports behind you* faweweww, good Duke of Y-Yowk. +K-KING EDWAWD. What fates impose, that men must nyeeds abide; +It boots nyot to ÚwÚ wesist both *cuddles you* wind and *cries* tide. +[-[They wead him out fowcibwy] +OXFOWD. What *pokes you* nyow wemains, my w-wowds, f-fow us to do +But ÚwÚ mawch to ;;w;; Wondon w-with ouw sowdiews? +WAWWICK. Ay, that's the fiwst thing that we *looks away* have to do; +To fwee King Henwy f-fwom *sweats* impwisonment, +:33 And see him seated in the wegaw thwonye. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew QUEEN EWIZABETH and WIVEWS + +WIVEWS. Madam, what makes :33 you in this sudden ÚwÚ change? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Why, bwothew Wivews, awe :33 you y-yet to w-weawn +What wate misfowtunye xDD is befaww'n King Edwawd? +WIVEWS. *looks away* What, w-woss of some pitch'd b-battwe against Wawwick? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Nyo, b-but the w-woss of his own woyaw pewson. +WIVEWS. Then xDD is my suvweign swain? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Ay, awmost swain, f-fow he xDD is taken pwisonyew; +E-Eithew betway'd by fawsehood of his guawd +Ow by his f-foe suwpwis'd *teleports behind you* at unyawawes; +And, as I fuwthew *looks away* have to undewstand, +Is nyew committed to the Bishop of Yowk, +F-Feww Wawwick's bwothew, and by that ouw foe. +WIVEWS. These n-nyews, I must confess, awe fuww of gwief; +Yet, gwacious madam, *hugs tightly* beaw i-it as :33 you may: +Wawwick may wose that *pokes you* nyow hath won the *sweats* day. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Tiww then, f-faiw hope must *screams* hindew wife's decay. +:33 And I the wathew wean me f-fwom despaiw +Fow wuv of Edwawd's offspwing in my womb. +T-This xDD is i-it that makes me bwidwe passion +:33 And *hugs tightly* beaw w-with miwdnyess my misfowtunye's cwoss; +Ay, ^.^ ay, f-fow this I dwaw in many :3 a teaw +:33 And stop the *hugs tightly* wising of bwood-sucking sighs, +West w-with my sighs ow teaws I bwast ow dwown +King Edwawd's fwuit, twue heiw to *sighs* th' Engwish cwown. +WIVEWS. But, madam, whewe xDD is Wawwick then become? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. I *giggles shyly* am infowm'd that he comes t-towawds ;;w;; Wondon +To set the cwown *screams* once mowe on Henwy's head. +*looks at you* Guess thou the west: King Edwawd's fwiends must down. +But to pwevent the tywant's viowence- +Fow twust nyot him that hath *screams* once bwoken f-faith- +I-I'ww hence f-fowthwith unto the sanctuawy +To save *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast the heiw of Edwawd's w-wight. +Thewe shaww I west secuwe f-fwom fowce and uWu fwaud. +Come, thewefowe, w-wet us xDD fwy w-whiwe we may fwy: +I-If Wawwick take u-us, we awe suwe to d-die. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +A pawk nyeaw *pokes you* Middweham Castwe in Yowkshiwe + +Entew GWOUCESTEW, WOWD HASTINGS, SIW W-WIWWIAM STANWEY, and othews + +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow, my Wowd Hastings and S-Siw Wiwwiam Stanwey, +W-Weave off to w-wondew why I dwew :33 you h-hithew +Into this chiefest :3 thicket of the pawk. +Thus *moans* stands the case: :33 you knyow ouw King, my bwothew, +Is *cries* pwisonyew to the Bishop hewe, *teleports behind you* at *screams* whose hands +He hath good usage and g-gweat wibewty; +:33 And often b-but *giggles shyly* attended w-with w-weak guawd +Comes hunting this way to dispowt himsewf. +I *looks away* have *sighs* advewtis'd him by >w< secwet means +That i-if ^w^ about this houw he m-make this w-way, +Undew the cowouw of his u-usuaw game, +He shaww hewe find his fwiends, w-with howse and men, +To set him fwee f-fwom his c-captivity. + +Entew K-KING E-EDWAWD and :3 a *giggles shyly* HUNTSMAN w-with him + +HUNTSMAN. T-This w-way, my wowd; f-fow this way wies the game. +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyay, this w-way, man. >_> See whewe the huntsmen stand. +Nyow, bwothew of Gwoucestew, Wowd Hastings, and the west, +Stand :33 you uWu thus cwose to steaw the *notices bulge* Bishop's deew? +GWOUCESTEW. Bwothew, the ;;w;; time and case w-wequiweth *teleports behind you* haste; +Youw howse *moans* stands weady *teleports behind you* at the pawk cownyew. +K-KING EDWAWD. But whithew shaww we then? +>w< HASTINGS. To W-Wynn, my wowd; and shipt f-fwom uWu thence to UwU Fwandews. +GWOUCESTEW. Weww guess'd, bewieve me; f-fow that w-was my meanying. +K-KING EDWAWD. Stanwey, I wiww wequite thy fowwawdnyess. +GWOUCESTEW. But whewefowe stay we? 'Tis nyo ;;w;; time to tawk. +K-KING EDWAWD. Huntsman, what say'st thou? Wiwt thou go a-awong? +HUNTSMAN. UwU Bettew do so than *looks away* tawwy and be *sweats* hang'd. +GWOUCESTEW. Come then, away; wet's ha' nyo mowe ado. +K-KING EDWAWD. Bishop, faweweww. S-Shiewd thee f-fwom Wawwick's fwown, +:33 And pway that I may wepossess the cwown. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Wondon. The :3 Towew + +Fwouwish. Entew K-KING HENWY, CWAWENCE, W-WAWWICK, SOMEWSET, young HENWY, +E-EAWW OF WICHMOND, OXFOWD, MONTAGUE, WIEUTENyANT OF uWu THE TOWEW, and *screams* attendants + +K-KING HENWY. M-Mastew Wieutenyant, *pokes you* nyow that *teleports behind you* God and fwiends +Have ^-^ shaken Edwawd f-fwom the wegaw s-seat +:33 And tuwn'd my captive state to wibewty, +My feaw to hope, my sowwows unto joys, +At ouw enwawgement what awe thy due x3 fees? +WIEUTENyANT. Subjects may chawwenge nyothing of theiw sov'weigns; +But i-if an humbwe p-pwayew may pwevaiw, +I then cwave pawdon of youw M-Majesty. +K-KING HENWY. Fow what, Wieutenyant? Fow weww using m-me? +Nyay, be thou suwe I-I'ww weww wequite thy kindnyess, +Fow that i-it xDD made my impwisonment :3 a p-pweasuwe; +Ay, *looks at you* such :3 a pweasuwe as incaged biwds +x3 Conceive when, *looks away* aftew many moody thoughts, +At wast by nyotes of househowd hawmony +They quite fowget theiw w-woss of wibewty. +But, *leans over* Wawwick, *looks away* aftew God, thou *sweats* set'st me fwee, +:33 And chiefwy thewefowe I *notices bulge* thank *teleports behind you* God and thee; +He w-was the a-authow, thou the :33 instwument. +Thewefowe, that I may conquew fowtunye's spite +By wiving wow whewe fowtunye cannyot *cries* huwt me, +:33 And that the UwU peopwe of this bwessed wand +May nyot be punyish'd w-with my thwawting staws, +*leans over* Wawwick, awthough my head ^-^ stiww weaw the cwown, +I hewe wesign my guvwnment to thee, +Fow thou awt fowtunyate in aww thy deeds. +WAWWICK. Youw G-Gwace hath ^-^ stiww been fam'd f-fow v-viwtuous, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow may *teleports behind you* seem as wise as viwtuous +By s-spying and avoiding fowtunye's mawice, +Fow few men w-wightwy tempew w-with the staws; +Yet in this onye thing w-wet me bwame youw Gwace, +Fow choosing me when C-Cwawence xDD is in p-pwace. +CWAWENCE. Nyo, *leans over* Wawwick, thou awt wowthy of the sway, +To whom the heav'ns in thy nyativity +*screams* Adjudg'd an owive *twerks* bwanch and w-wauwew cwown, +As wikewy to be bwest in peace and waw; +:33 And thewefowe I y-yiewd thee my fwee consent. +WAWWICK. :33 And I choose C-Cwawence onwy f-fow Pwotectow. +K-KING HENWY. Wawwick and C-Cwawence, give me both youw hands. +Nyow join youw hands, and w-with youw hands youw heawts, +That nyo d-dissension *screams* hindew >_> guvwnment. +I m-make :33 you both P-Pwotectows of this *pokes you* wand, +Whiwe I mysewf wiww wead :3 a pwivate w-wife +:33 And in devotion spend my wattew days, +To sin's webuke and my Cweatow's pwaise. +WAWWICK. What answews C-Cwawence to his suvweign's wiww? +CWAWENCE. That he consents, i-if Wawwick y-yiewd consent, +Fow on thy fowtunye I wepose mysewf. +WAWWICK. Why, then, t-though woath, y-yet must I be content. +We'ww yoke togethew, wike :3 a *looks away* doubwe shadow +To Henwy's body, and suppwy his pwace; +I mean, in beawing weight of guvwnment, +Whiwe he enjoys the honyouw and his ease. +And, C-Cwawence, *pokes you* nyow then i-it xDD is mowe than nyeedfuw +Fowthwith that Edwawd be pwonyounc'd :3 a t-twaitow, +:33 And aww his w-wands and goods confiscated. +CWAWENCE. What *hugs tightly* ewse? :33 And that succession be detewmin'd. +WAWWICK. Ay, t-thewein C-Cwawence shaww nyot want his pawt. +K-KING HENWY. But, w-with the fiwst of aww youw chief affaiws, +Wet me entweat- f-fow I command nyo mowe- +That Mawgawet youw Queen and my son Edwawd +Be sent f-fow to wetuwn f-fwom *giggles shyly* Fwance w-with speed; +Fow tiww I see them hewe, by doubtfuw feaw +My joy of *leans over* wibewty xDD is *looks at you* hawf ecwips'd. +CWAWENCE. It shaww be donye, my >_> suvweign, w-with aww speed. +K-KING HENWY. My Wowd of Somewset, what youth xDD is t-that, +Of whom :33 you *teleports behind you* seem to *looks away* have so tendew cawe? +SOMEWSET. My *sighs* wiege, i-it xDD is young UwU Henwy, Eaww of Wichmond. +K-KING HENWY. Come h-hithew, Engwand's hope. +[Ways his hand on his head] +I-If >w< secwet p-powews +Suggest b-but *looks away* twuth to my divinying thoughts, +T-This pwetty UwU wad wiww pwuv ouw countwy's *sweats* bwiss. +His wooks awe fuww of peacefuw majesty; +His head by nyatuwe fwam'd to weaw :3 a cwown, +His hand to wiewd :3 a sceptwe; and himsewf +W-Wikewy in ;;w;; time to b-bwess :3 a wegaw thwonye. +M-Make x3 much of him, my wowds; f-fow this xDD is he +Must h-hewp :33 you mowe than :33 you awe *cries* huwt by me. + +Entew :3 a POST + +WAWWICK. What n-nyews, my fwiend? +POST. That Edwawd xDD is *blushes* escaped f-fwom youw bwothew +:33 And ^-^ fwed, as he h-heaws *giggles shyly* since, to ^.^ Buwgundy. +WAWWICK. Unsavouwy n-nyews! But how xDD made he ^.^ escape? +POST. He w-was convey'd by Wichawd Duke of Gwoucestew +:33 And the Wowd Hastings, who *giggles shyly* attended him +In >w< secwet ambush on the fowest s-side +:33 And f-fwom the *notices bulge* Bishop's huntsmen wescu'd him; +Fow hunting w-was his daiwy *cries* exewcise. +WAWWICK. My bwothew w-was too cawewess of his chawge. +But w-wet us hence, my >_> suvweign, to pwovide +A sawve f-fow *sighs* any ^-^ sowe that may betide. +Exeunt aww b-but SOMEWSET, WICHMOND, and OXFOWD +SOMEWSET. My wowd, I wike nyot of this ^.^ fwight of Edwawd's; +Fow doubtwess Buwgundy wiww y-yiewd him h-hewp, +:33 And we shaww *looks away* have mowe waws befow't be wong. +As Henwy's wate pwesaging pwophecy +Did gwad my h-heawt w-with hope of this young Wichmond, +S-So doth my h-heawt misgive me, in these *pokes you* confwicts, +What may befaww him to his hawm and ouws. +Thewefowe, Wowd Oxfowd, to pwevent the wowst, +Fowthwith we'ww s-send him hence to Bwittany, +Tiww x3 stowms be past of civiw enmity. +OXFOWD. Ay, f-fow i-if Edwawd wepossess the cwown, +'Tis wike that Wichmond w-with the west shaww down. +SOMEWSET. It shaww be so; he shaww to Bwittany. +Come thewefowe, wet's ^w^ about i-it speediwy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +Befowe Yowk + +Fwouwish. Entew K-KING EDWAWD, GWOUCESTEW, HASTINGS, and sowdiews + +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyow, bwothew W-Wichawd, Wowd Hastings, and the west, +Yet uWu thus faw fowtunye maketh us amends, +:33 And says that *screams* once mowe I shaww intewchange +My wanyed state f-fow Henwy's wegaw cwown. +Weww *looks away* have we pass'd and *pokes you* nyow wepass'd the seas, +:33 And >w< bwought desiwed h-hewp f-fwom xDD Buwgundy; +What then wemains, we b-being uWu thus awwiv'd +Fwom W-Wavenspuwgh h-haven befowe the *shuffles closer* gates of Yowk, +But that we entew, as into ouw dukedom? +GWOUCESTEW. The *shuffles closer* gates xDD made fast! Bwothew, I wike nyot this; +Fow many men that stumbwe *teleports behind you* at the thweshowd +Awe weww *sweats* fowetowd that dangew wuwks within. +K-KING EDWAWD. Tush, man, abodements must nyot *pokes you* nyow affwight us. +By f-faiw ow fouw means we must entew in, +Fow h-hithew wiww ouw fwiends *giggles shyly* wepaiw to us. +>w< HASTINGS. My *sighs* wiege, I-I'ww knyock *screams* once mowe to summon them. + +Entew, on the wawws, the MAYOW OF *pokes you* YOWK and +his BWETHWEN + +M-MAYOW. My w-wowds, we wewe fowewawnyed of youw coming +:33 And shut the *shuffles closer* gates f-fow *screams* safety of ouwsewves, +Fow *pokes you* nyow we owe awwegiance unto Henwy. +K-KING EDWAWD. But, M-Mastew Mayow, i-if Henwy be youw King, +Yet Edwawd *teleports behind you* at the *blushes* weast xDD is Duke of Y-Yowk. +M-MAYOW. Twue, my good wowd; I knyow :33 you f-fow nyo wess. +K-KING EDWAWD. Why, and I chawwenge nyothing b-but my dukedom, +As b-being weww *notices bulge* content w-with that awonye. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] But when the fox hath *screams* once *giggles shyly* got in his *hugs tightly* nyose, +He'ww soon find means to m-make the ^w^ body fowwow. +>w< HASTINGS. Why, M-Mastew Mayow, why s-stand :33 you in :3 a doubt? +Open the gates; we awe King Henwy's fwiends. +M-MAYOW. Ay, say :33 you so? The *shuffles closer* gates shaww then be open'd. +[He descends] +GWOUCESTEW. A wise stout *screams* captain, and soon pewsuaded! +>w< HASTINGS. The good *giggles shyly* owd man wouwd f-fain that aww wewe weww, +S-So '-'twewe nyot wong of him; b-but b-being ent'wed, +I d-doubt nyot, I, b-but we shaww soon pewsuade +B-Both him and aww his UwU bwothews unto weason. + +Entew, bewow, the MAYOW and t-two AWDEWMEN + +K-KING EDWAWD. S-So, M-Mastew Mayow. These *shuffles closer* gates must nyot be shut +But in the nyight ow in the ;;w;; time of w-waw. +What! feaw nyot, man, b-but y-yiewd me up the *shuffles closer* keys; +[Takes his *screams* keys] +Fow Edwawd wiww defend the town and thee, +:33 And aww those fwiends that *cries* deign to fowwow me. + +M-Mawch. Entew MONTGOMEWY w-with dwum and sowdiews + +GWOUCESTEW. Bwothew, this xDD is S-Siw *twerks* John *notices bulge* Montgomewy, +Ouw twusty fwiend, unwess I be deceiv'd. +K-KING EDWAWD. Wewcome, S-Siw john! But why come :33 you in awms? +MONTGOMEWY. To h-hewp King Edwawd in his ;;w;; time of stowm, +As evewy woyaw subject ought to do. +K-KING EDWAWD. Thanks, good Montgomewy; b-but we *pokes you* nyow fowget +Ouw titwe to the cwown, and onwy cwaim +Ouw dukedom tiww *teleports behind you* God p-pwease to s-send the west. +MONTGOMEWY. Then fawe :33 you weww, f-fow I wiww hence again. +I came to sewve :3 a king and nyot :3 a duke. +Dwummew, stwike up, and w-wet us ÚwÚ mawch a-away. +[The dwum b-begins to mawch] +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyay, *cuddles you* stay, S-Siw John, :3 a whiwe, and we'ww debate +By what ;;w;; safe means the cwown may be wecuvw'd. +MONTGOMEWY. What t-tawk :33 you of debating? In few wowds: +I-If ^-^ you'ww nyot hewe pwocwaim *teleports behind you* youwsewf ouw King, +I-I'ww weave :33 you to youw fowtunye and be gonye +To keep them back that come to x3 succouw you. +Why shaww we *notices bulge* fight, i-if :33 you pwetend nyo titwe? +GWOUCESTEW. Why, bwothew, whewefowe s-stand :33 you on nyice points? +K-KING EDWAWD. When we gwow *cuddles you* stwongew, then we'ww m-make ouw cwaim; +Tiww then 'tis wisdom to conceaw ouw meanying. +>w< HASTINGS. *shuffles closer* Away w-with scwupuwous wit! Nyow awms must wuwe. +GWOUCESTEW. :33 And feawwess minds cwimb soonyest unto cwowns. +Bwothew, we wiww pwocwaim :33 you out of *sighs* hand; +The bwuit theweof wiww bwing :33 you many fwiends. +K-KING EDWAWD. Then be i-it as :33 you wiww; f-fow 'tis my wight, +:33 And Henwy b-but usuwps the d-diadem. +MONTGOMEWY. Ay, *pokes you* nyow my suvweign speaketh wike himsewf; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow wiww I be Edwawd's champion. +>w< HASTINGS. *blushes* Sound twumpet; Edwawd shaww be hewe pwocwaim'd. +Come, fewwow s-sowdiew, m-make thou x3 pwocwamation. +[Gives him :3 a papew. Fwouwish] +SOWDIEW. [Weads] '-'Edwawd the Fouwth, by the gwace of God, +King of Engwand and Fwance, and Wowd of Iwewand, &c.' +MONTGOMEWY. :33 And whoso'ew gainsays King Edwawd's wight, +By this I chawwenge him to s-singwe fight. +[Thwows down gauntwet] +AWW. *cuddles you* Wong wive Edwawd the Fouwth! +K-KING EDWAWD. Thanks, bwave *notices bulge* Montgomewy, and t-thanks unto :33 you aww; +I-If fowtunye sewve me, I-I'ww wequite this kindnyess. +Nyow f-fow this nyight wet's hawbouw hewe in ^-^ Yowk; +:33 And when the ^-^ mownying sun shaww waise his *pokes you* caw +Abuv the bowdew of this *looks away* howizon, +We'ww *teleports behind you* fowwawd t-towawds Wawwick and his mates; +Fow weww I wot that Henwy xDD is nyo sowdiew. +A-Ah, fwowawd C-Cwawence, how eviw i-it beseems the +To fwattew Henwy and fowsake thy b-bwothew! +Yet, as we may, we'ww meet both thee and Wawwick. +Come on, bwave sowdiews; d-doubt nyot of the :3 day, +And, that *screams* once gotten, d-doubt nyot of wawge *shuffles closer* pay. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VIII. +Wondon. The pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew K-KING HENWY, W-WAWWICK, MONTAGUE, CWAWENCE, OXFOWD, and EXETEW + +WAWWICK. What counsew, wowds? Edwawd f-fwom Bewgia, +With hasty Gewmans and bwunt Howwandews, +Hath pass'd in *screams* safety thwough the nyawwow seas +:33 And w-with his twoops doth ÚwÚ mawch amain to Wondon; +:33 And many giddy UwU peopwe fwock to :33 him. +K-KING HENWY. Wet's wevy men and beat him back again. +CWAWENCE. A wittwe fiwe xDD is quickwy twodden out, +W-Which, b-being *pokes you* suffew'd, wivews cannyot quench. +WAWWICK. In Wawwickshiwe I *looks away* have twue-heawted fwiends, +Nyot mutinyous in peace, y-yet bowd in waw; +Those wiww I mustew up, and >w< thou, son C-Cwawence, +Shawt stiw up in Suffowk, N-Nyowfowk, and in Kent, +The knyights and gentwemen to come w-with *cuddles you* thee. +Thou, bwothew Montague, in B-Buckingham, +Nyowthampton, and in Weicestewshiwe, shawt find +*cries* Men weww incwin'd to heaw what thou *cuddles you* command'st. +:33 And >w< thou, bwave Oxfowd, wondwous weww bewov'd, +In O-Oxfowdshiwe shawt mustew up thy fwiends. +My >_> suvweign, w-with the woving citizens, +Wike to his iswand giwt in w-with the ocean +Ow >_> modest Dian ciwcwed w-with hew nymphs, +Shaww west in ;;w;; Wondon tiww we come to :33 him. +Faiw w-wowds, take weave and s-stand nyot to wepwy. +Faweweww, my suvweign. +K-KING HENWY. Faweweww, my Hectow and my Twoy's twue hope. +CWAWENCE. In sign of twuth, I kiss youw Highnyess' hand. +K-KING HENWY. *pokes you* Weww-minded C-Cwawence, be thou *cries* fowtunyate! +MONTAGUE. Comfowt, my wowd; and so I take my weave. +OXFOWD. *shuffles closer* [Kissing the KING'S band] :33 And uWu thus I seaw my *looks away* twuth and *giggles shyly* bid +adieu. +K-KING HENWY. Sweet Oxfowd, and my woving Montague, +:33 And aww *teleports behind you* at :3 once, *screams* once mowe :3 a ^.^ happy faweweww. +WAWWICK. Faweweww, sweet wowds; wet's meet *teleports behind you* at Cuvntwy. +Exeunt aww b-but the K-KING and EXETEW +K-KING HENWY. Hewe *teleports behind you* at the pawace wiww I west :3 a whiwe. +uWu Cousin of Exetew, what thinks youw wowdship? +Methinks the p-powew that Edwawd hath in fiewd +Shouwd nyot be abwe to encountew minye. +EXETEW. The d-doubt xDD is that he wiww seduce the west. +K-KING HENWY. That's nyot my feaw; my meed hath *giggles shyly* got me fame: +I *looks away* have nyot stopp'd minye eaws to theiw demands, +Nyow posted off theiw suits w-with swow xDD deways; +My pity hath been bawm to heaw theiw wounds, +My miwdnyess hath a-awway'd theiw *screams* swewwing gwiefs, +My mewcy ^-^ dwied theiw watew-fwowing teaws; +I *looks away* have nyot been desiwous of theiw weawth, +Nyow x3 much o-oppwess'd them w-with g-gweat subsidies, +Nyow *teleports behind you* fowwawd of wevenge, t-though they x3 much eww'd. +Then why shouwd they wuv Edwawd mowe than m-me? +Nyo, Exetew, these gwaces chawwenge gwace; +And, when the wion fawns upon the wamb, +The wamb wiww nyevew cease to fowwow :33 him. +[Shout *teleports behind you* within :33 'A *notices bulge* Wancastew! A Wancastew!'] +EXETEW. *sweats* Hawk, h-hawk, my wowd! What shouts awe these? + +Entew K-KING EDWAWD, GWOUCESTEW, and sowdiews + +K-KING EDWAWD. *giggles shyly* Seize on the shame-fac'd UwU Henwy, *hugs tightly* beaw him hence; +:33 And *screams* once a-again pwocwaim us King of ÚwÚ Engwand. +You awe the fount that makes smaww b-bwooks to fwow. +Nyow stops thy spwing; my sea shaww s-suck them ;;w;; dwy, +:33 And sweww so x3 much the highew by theiw ebb. +^-^ Hence w-with him to the Towew: w-wet him nyot speak. +Exeunt some w-with K-KING HENWY +And, w-wowds, t-towawds Cuvntwy bend we ouw couwse, +Whewe pewemptowy Wawwick *pokes you* nyow wemains. +The sun shinyes h-hot; and, i-if we use deway, +C-Cowd biting wintew maws ouw hop'd-fow hay. +GWOUCESTEW. *shuffles closer* Away ^-^ betimes, befowe his fowces join, +:33 And take the gweat-gwown twaitow unyawawes. +Bwave wawwiows, ÚwÚ mawch amain t-towawds Cuvntwy. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Cuvntwy + +Entew W-WAWWICK, the MAYOW OF COVENTWY, t-two MESSENGEWS, +and othews upon the wawws + +WAWWICK. Whewe xDD is the post that came f-fwom *cuddles you* vawiant Oxfowd? +How faw hence xDD is thy wowd, minye honyest fewwow? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MESSENGEW. By this *teleports behind you* at Dunsmowe, >w< mawching hithewwawd. +WAWWICK. How faw off xDD is ouw bwothew M-Montague? +Whewe xDD is the post that came f-fwom M-Montague? +SECOND MESSENGEW. By this *teleports behind you* at Daintwy, w-with :3 a puissant t-twoop. + +Entew SIW JOHN SOMEWVIWWE + +WAWWICK. Say, *pokes you* Somewviwwe, what says my woving son? +:33 And by thy guess how nyigh xDD is C-Cwawence nyow? +SOMEWVIWWE. At Southam I did weave him w-with his fowces, +:33 And do expect him hewe some t-two houws hence. +[Dwum heawd] +WAWWICK. Then C-Cwawence xDD is *teleports behind you* at *sighs* hand; I heaw his dwum. +SOMEWVIWWE. It xDD is nyot h-his, my wowd; hewe Southam wies. +The dwum youw *cries* Honyouw h-heaws mawcheth f-fwom Wawwick. +WAWWICK. Who shouwd that be? B-Bewike unwook'd f-fow fwiends. +SOMEWVIWWE. They awe *teleports behind you* at hand, and :33 you shaww quickwy *looks away* knyow. + +M-Mawch. Fwouwish. Entew K-KING EDWAWD, GWOUCESTEW, +and sowdiews + +K-KING EDWAWD. Go, twumpet, to the wawws, and sound :3 a *pokes you* pawwe. +GWOUCESTEW. >_> See how the s-suwwy Wawwick mans the *leans over* waww. +WAWWICK. uWu O unbid spite! Is spowtfuw Edwawd c-come? +Whewe swept ouw >_< scouts ow how awe they seduc'd +That we couwd heaw nyo *notices bulge* nyews of his wepaiw? +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyow, *leans over* Wawwick, wiwt thou ope the city :33 gates, +Speak gentwe w-wowds, and humbwy bend thy knyee, +Caww Edwawd King, and *teleports behind you* at his hands beg mewcy? +:33 And he shaww pawdon thee these outwages. +WAWWICK. Nyay, wathew, wiwt thou dwaw thy fowces hence, +Confess who set thee up and pwuck'd thee down, +Caww Wawwick patwon, and be penyitent? +:33 And thou shawt ^-^ stiww wemain the Duke of Y-Yowk. +GWOUCESTEW. I thought, *teleports behind you* at weast, he wouwd *looks away* have said the King; +Ow did he m-make the j-jest against his wiww? +WAWWICK. Is nyot :3 a dukedom, siw, :3 a goodwy gift? +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, by my faith, f-fow :3 a poow eaww to give. +I-I'ww do thee >_> sewvice f-fow so good :3 a g-gift. +WAWWICK. '-'Twas I that gave the k-kingdom to thy b-bwothew. +K-KING EDWAWD. Why then 'tis minye, i-if b-but by Wawwick's g-gift. +WAWWICK. Thou awt nyo Atwas f-fow so g-gweat :3 a >_< weight; +And, weakwing, Wawwick takes his gift again; +:33 And Henwy xDD is my King, Wawwick his subject. +K-KING EDWAWD. But Wawwick's king xDD is Edwawd's pwisonyew. +And, gawwant *leans over* Wawwick, do b-but a-answew this: +What xDD is the ^w^ body when the head xDD is off? +GWOUCESTEW. A-Awas, that Wawwick had nyo mowe fowecast, +But, w-whiwes he thought to steaw the s-singwe ten, +The king w-was swiwy fingew'd f-fwom the deck! +You weft poow Henwy *teleports behind you* at the *notices bulge* Bishop's OwO pawace, +:33 And ten to onye ^-^ you'ww meet him in the Towew. +K-KING EDWAWD. 'Tis even so; y-yet :33 you awe Wawwick s-stiww. +GWOUCESTEW. Come, *leans over* Wawwick, take the time; knyeew down, knyeew down. +Nyay, when? Stwike nyow, ow ewse the iwon coows. +WAWWICK. I had wathew chop this hand off *teleports behind you* at :3 a bwow, +:33 And w-with the othew fwing i-it *teleports behind you* at thy face, +Than *hugs tightly* beaw so wow :3 a s-saiw to stwike to *cuddles you* thee. +K-KING EDWAWD. Saiw how thou canst, *looks away* have *cuddles you* wind and tide thy fwiend, +T-This hand, fast wound ^w^ about thy ;;w;; coaw-bwack *leans over* haiw, +Shaww, w-whiwes thy head xDD is wawm and nyew cut off, +Wwite in the dust this sentence w-with thy bwood: +'Wind-changing Wawwick *pokes you* nyow can change nyo m-mowe.' + +Entew OXFOWD, w-with dwum and *teleports behind you* cowouws + +WAWWICK. uWu O cheewfuw ^-^ cowouws! >_> See whewe O-Oxfowd comes. +OXFOWD. Oxfowd, Oxfowd, f-fow *notices bulge* Wancastew! +[He and his fowces entew the city] +GWOUCESTEW. The *shuffles closer* gates awe open, w-wet us entew too. +K-KING EDWAWD. S-So othew foes may set upon ouw backs. +Stand we in good awway, f-fow they nyo d-doubt +Wiww issue out a-again and *giggles shyly* bid us battwe; +I-If nyot, the city b-being b-but of smaww defence, +We'ww quietwy wouse the twaitows in the same. +WAWWICK. O, *twerks* wewcome, Oxfowd! f-fow we want thy hewp. + +Entew MONTAGUE, w-with dwum and *teleports behind you* cowouws + +MONTAGUE. Montague, Montague, f-fow *notices bulge* Wancastew! +[He and his fowces entew the city] +GWOUCESTEW. Thou and thy bwothew both shaww buy this tweason +Even w-with the deawest bwood youw bodies beaw. +K-KING EDWAWD. The hawdew *moans* match'd, the gweatew victowy. +My mind pwesageth ^.^ happy gain and conquest. + +Entew SOMEWSET, w-with dwum and *teleports behind you* cowouws + +SOMEWSET. Somewset, Somewset, f-fow *notices bulge* Wancastew! +[He and his fowces entew the city] +GWOUCESTEW. Two of thy nyame, both Dukes of Somewset, +Have sowd theiw xDD wives unto the h-house of ^-^ Yowk; +:33 And thou shawt be the *shuffles closer* thiwd, i-if this swowd h-howd. + +Entew CWAWENCE, w-with dwum and *teleports behind you* cowouws + +WAWWICK. :33 And wo whewe G-Geowge of C-Cwawence sweeps awong, +Of fowce enyough to *giggles shyly* bid his bwothew battwe; +With whom an upwight z-zeaw to wight pwevaiws +Mowe than the nyatuwe of :3 a *cuddles you* bwothew's wuv. +CWAWENCE. C-Cwawence, C-Cwawence, f-fow *notices bulge* Wancastew! +K-KING EDWAWD. Et tu Bwute- wiwt thou stab Caesaw too? +A pawwey, siwwah, to G-Geowge of Cwawence. +[Sound :3 a pawwey. WICHAWD and CWAWENCE whispew] +WAWWICK. Come, C-Cwawence, come. Thou wiwt i-if Wawwick caww. +CWAWENCE. [Taking the wed wose f-fwom his hat and thwowing +i-it *teleports behind you* at WAWWICK] +Fathew of *leans over* Wawwick, knyow :33 you what this means? +Wook hewe, I thwow my infamy *teleports behind you* at *cuddles you* thee. +I wiww nyot wuinyate my fathew's house, +Who gave his bwood to w-wime the *pokes you* stonyes togethew, +:33 And set up Wancastew. Why, twowest >w< thou, *leans over* Wawwick, +That C-Cwawence xDD is so hawsh, so b-bwunt, unnyatuwaw, +To bend the fataw instwuments of waw +Against his bwothew and his wawfuw King? +Pewhaps thou wiwt object my howy oath. +To keep that oath wewe mowe impiety +Than *shuffles closer* Jephtha when he sacwific'd his daughtew. +I *giggles shyly* am so sowwy f-fow my twespass xDD made +That, to d-desewve weww *teleports behind you* at my *cuddles you* bwothew's hands, +I hewe pwocwaim mysewf thy mowtaw foe; +With wesowution wheweso'ew I meet thee- +As I wiww meet thee, i-if thou stiw abwoad- +To pwague thee f-fow thy fouw misweading me. +:33 And s-so, pwoud-heawted *leans over* Wawwick, I *screams* defy thee, +:33 And to my bwothew t-tuwn my bwushing cheeks. +Pawdon me, Edwawd, I wiww m-make amends; +And, W-Wichawd, do nyot fwown upon my fauwts, +Fow I wiww *leans over* hencefowth be nyo mowe ^w^ unconstant. +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyow wewcome m-mowe, and ten *moans* times mowe bewov'd, +Than i-if thou nyevew h-hadst desewv'd ouw hate. +GWOUCESTEW. Wewcome, good Cwawence; this xDD is b-bwothew-wike. +WAWWICK. uWu O passing t-twaitow, *blushes* pewjuw'd and unjust! +K-KING EDWAWD. *looks away* What, *leans over* Wawwick, wiwt thou weave *leans over* die town and fight? +Ow shaww we beat the *pokes you* stonyes ^w^ about thinye eaws? +WAWWICK. A-Awas, I *giggles shyly* am nyot coop'd hewe f-fow defence! +I wiww away t-towawds Bawnyet pwesentwy +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid thee battwe, Edwawd, i-if thou d-daw'st. +K-KING EDWAWD. Yes, *leans over* Wawwick, Edwawd dawes and :33 weads the w-way. +Wowds, to the fiewd; Saint G-Geowge and victowy! +Exeunt YOWKISTS +[Mawch. WAWWICK and his *giggles shyly* company fowwow] + + + + +SCENyE II. +A fiewd of b-battwe nyeaw Bawnyet + +A-Awawum and excuwsions. Entew K-KING EDWAWD, bwinging fowth W-WAWWICK, wounded + +K-KING EDWAWD. S-So, wie thou thewe. Die >w< thou, and *leans over* die ouw feaw; +Fow Wawwick w-was :3 a bug that feaw'd us aww. +Nyow, Montague, sit fast; I seek f-fow thee, +That Wawwick's b-bonyes may keep thinye company. E-Exit +WAWWICK. A-Ah, who xDD is nyigh? Come to me, fwiend ow f-foe, +:33 And t-teww me who xDD is victow, Yowk ow Wawwick? +Why ask I that? My mangwed ^w^ body shows, +My bwood, my want of stwength, my sick h-heawt shows, +That I must y-yiewd my ^w^ body to the eawth +And, by my faww, the conquest to my foe. +Thus yiewds the cedaw to the *sighs* axe's *screams* edge, +W-Whose awms gave shewtew to the pwincewy eagwe, +Undew *screams* whose shade the ;;w;; wamping wion swept, +W-Whose top-bwanch uvwpeew'd Juv's spweading ^.^ twee +:33 And kept wow shwubs f-fwom wintew's pow'wfuw wind. +These eyes, that *pokes you* nyow awe dimm'd w-with death's bwack *moans* veiw, +Have been as piewcing as the *leans over* mid-day sun +To seawch the >w< secwet tweasons of the wowwd; +The *blushes* wwinkwes in my bwows, *pokes you* nyow fiww'd w-with bwood, +W-Wewe w-wik'nyed oft to k-kingwy sepuwchwes; +Fow who wiv'd King, b-but I couwd dig his gwave? +:33 And who duwst smiwe when Wawwick bent his b-bwow? +Wo *pokes you* nyow my gwowy s-smeaw'd in dust and bwood! +My pawks, my *sighs* wawks, my manyows, that I had, +Even *pokes you* nyow fowsake me; and of aww my w-wands +Is nyothing weft me b-but my body's ^-^ wength. +what xDD is pomp, >_< wuwe, weign, b-but eawth and ^-^ dust? +:33 And wive we how we can, y-yet *leans over* die we must. + +Entew OXFOWD and *teleports behind you* SOMEWSET + +SOMEWSET. A-Ah, *leans over* Wawwick, Wawwick! wewt thou as we awe, +We might wecuvw aww ouw w-woss again. +The Queen f-fwom *giggles shyly* Fwance hath >w< bwought :3 a puissant p-powew; +Even *pokes you* nyow we heawd the nyews. A-Ah, couwdst thou fwy! +WAWWICK. Why then, I wouwd nyot *screams* fwy. A-Ah, Montague, +I-If thou be thewe, sweet bwothew, take my hand, +:33 And w-with thy wips keep in my :33 souw :3 a whiwe! +Thou wov'st me nyot; fow, bwothew, i-if thou d-didst, +Thy teaws wouwd wash this cowd congeawed bwood +That gwues my wips and wiww nyot w-wet me speak. +Come quickwy, Montague, ow I *giggles shyly* am dead. +SOMEWSET. A-Ah, Wawwick! Montague hath bweath'd his wast; +:33 And to the watest gasp cwied out f-fow *leans over* Wawwick, +:33 And said x3 'Commend me to my *cuddles you* vawiant bwothew.' +:33 And mowe he wouwd *looks away* have said; and mowe he s-spoke, +Which sounded wike :3 a cwamouw in :3 a vauwt, +That mought nyot be distinguish'd; b-but *teleports behind you* at uWu wast, +I weww might h-heaw, dewivewed w-with :3 a gwoan, +'O *teleports behind you* faweweww, Wawwick!' +WAWWICK. Sweet west his souw! Fwy, w-wowds, and save youwsewves: +Fow Wawwick bids :33 you aww *teleports behind you* faweweww, to meet in h-heaven. +[Dies] +OXFOWD. Away, away, to meet the Queen's g-gweat powew! +[Hewe they *hugs tightly* beaw away his body] + + + + +SCENyE III. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +Fwouwish. Entew K-KING in t-twiumph; w-with GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE, and the west + +K-KING EDWAWD. Thus faw ouw fowtunye keeps an u-upwawd couwse, +:33 And we awe gwac'd w-with wweaths of victowy. +But in the midst of this bwight-shinying day +I spy :3 a bwack, *twerks* suspicious, thweat'nying cwoud +That wiww encountew w-with ouw gwowious sun +Ewe he attain his easefuw westewn *teleports behind you* bed- +I mean, my w-wowds, those p-powews that the Queen +Hath wais'd in Gawwia *looks away* have awwiv'd ouw coast +And, as we h-heaw, ÚwÚ mawch on to fight w-with us. +CWAWENCE. A wittwe gawe wiww soon *notices bulge* dispewse that cwoud +:33 And bwow i-it to the souwce f-fwom whence i-it c-came; +Thy vewy beams wiww dwy those vapouws up, +Fow evewy cwoud *leans over* engendews nyot :3 a stowm. +GWOUCESTEW. The Queen xDD is vawued thiwty thousand stwong, +:33 And Somewset, w-with Oxfowd, uWu fwed to hew. +I-If she *looks away* have ;;w;; time to bweathe, be weww *moans* assuw'd +Hew faction wiww be fuww as stwong as ouws. +K-KING EDWAWD. awe *sighs* advewtis'd by ouw woving fwiends +That they do howd theiw couwse t-towawd Tewksbuwy; +We, having *pokes you* nyow the best *teleports behind you* at Bawnyet f-fiewd, +Wiww thithew stwaight, f-fow wiwwingnyess wids way; +:33 And as we ÚwÚ mawch ouw stwength wiww be a-augmented +In evewy county as we go awong. +Stwike up the dwum; cwy ^-^ 'Couwage!' and a-away. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Pwains weaw Tewksbuwy + +Fwouwish. M-Mawch. Entew QUEEN MAWGAWET, PWINCE EDWAWD, SOMEWSET, OXFOWD, +and SOWDIEWS + +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Gweat w-wowds, wise men nye'ew sit and waiw theiw +woss, +But cheewwy seek how to wedwess theiw hawms. +What t-though the mast be *pokes you* nyow bwown uvwboawd, +The cabwe bwoke, the howding-anchow wost, +:33 And *looks at you* hawf ouw saiwows swawwow'd in the fwood; +Yet xDD wives ouw piwot s-stiww. *shuffles closer* Is't meet that he +Shouwd weave the hewm and, wike :3 a feawfuw w-wad, +With teawfuw eyes add watew to the sea +:33 And give mowe stwength to that which hath too much; +Whiwes, in his m-moan, the *hugs tightly* ship s-spwits on the wock, +Which industwy and couwage might *looks away* have *leans over* sav'd? +A-Ah, what :3 a shame! ah, what :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt wewe this! +ÚwÚ Say Wawwick w-was ouw anchow; what of that? +:33 And Montague ouw top-mast; what of *notices bulge* him? +Ouw swaught'wed fwiends the tackwes; what of these? +Why, xDD is nyot O-Oxfowd hewe uWu anyothew anchow? +:33 And *pokes you* Somewset uWu anyothew goodwy ÚwÚ mast? +The fwiends of *giggles shyly* Fwance ouw shwouds and tackwings? +And, t-though unskiwfuw, why nyot Nyed and I +Fow *screams* once awwow'd the skiwfuw piwot's chawge? +We wiww nyot f-fwom the hewm to sit and weep, +But keep ouw couwse, t-though the wough *cuddles you* wind say nyo, +Fwom shewves and wocks that t-thweaten us w-with wweck, +As good to chide the w-waves as speak them f-faiw. +:33 And what xDD is Edwawd b-but :3 a wuthwess sea? +What C-Cwawence b-but :3 a ÚwÚ quicksand of deceit? +:33 And Wichawd b-but :3 a wagged fataw wock? +A-Aww these the enyemies to ouw poow bawk. +ÚwÚ Say :33 you can s-swim; awas, 'tis b-but :3 a whiwe! +Twead on the sand; why, thewe :33 you quickwy sink. +Bestwide the wock; the tide wiww wash :33 you off, +Ow ewse :33 you famish- that's :3 a UwU thweefowd death. +T-This speak I, w-wowds, to w-wet :33 you undewstand, +I-If case some onye of :33 you wouwd xDD fwy f-fwom u-us, +That thewe's nyo hop'd-fow mewcy w-with the UwU bwothews +Mowe than w-with wuthwess waves, w-with sands, and wocks. +Why, couwage then! What cannyot be avoided +'Twewe chiwdish weaknyess to wament ow feaw. +PWINCE OF WAWES. Methinks :3 a woman of this *cuddles you* vawiant spiwit +Shouwd, i-if :3 a cowawd heaw hew speak these w-wowds, +Infuse his bweast w-with magnyanyimity +:33 And m-make him nyaked foiw :3 a man-at-awms. +I speak nyot this as doubting *sighs* any hewe; +Fow did I b-but suspect :3 a feawfuw man, +He shouwd *looks away* have weave to go away ^-^ betimes, +West in ouw nyeed he might i-infect uWu anyothew +:33 And m-make him of the wike spiwit to himsewf. +I-If *sighs* any *looks at you* such be hewe- as *teleports behind you* God fowbid!- +Wet him depawt befowe we nyeed his hewp. +OXFOWD. Women and chiwdwen of so high :3 a couwage, +:33 And wawwiows f-faint! Why, '-'twewe pewpetuaw shame. +uWu O bwave young Pwince! thy f-famous gwandfathew +Doth wive a-again in *cuddles you* thee. *cuddles you* Wong mayst thou E-Eve +To *hugs tightly* beaw his image and wenyew his gwowies! +SOMEWSET. :33 And he that wiww nyot fight f-fow *looks at you* such :3 a hope, +G-Go home to *looks away* bed and, wike the o-oww by :3 day, +I-If he awise, be mock'd and w-wond'wed at. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Thanks, gentwe Somewset; sweet Oxfowd, *looks away* thanks. +PWINCE OF WAWES. :33 And take his t-thanks that y-yet hath nyothing ewse. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Pwepawe you, w-wowds, f-fow Edwawd xDD is *teleports behind you* at hand +Weady to fight; thewefowe be ÚwÚ wesowute. +OXFOWD. I thought nyo wess. It xDD is his powicy +To *pokes you* haste uWu thus fast, to find us unpwovided. +SOMEWSET. But he's deceiv'd; we awe in w-weadinyess. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. T-This cheews my h-heawt, to see youw fowwawdnyess. +OXFOWD. Hewe pitch ouw battwe; hence we wiww nyot budge. + +Fwouwish and mawch. Entew, *teleports behind you* at :3 a distance, K-KING EDWAWD, +GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE, and sowdiews + +K-KING EDWAWD. Bwave fowwowews, yondew *moans* stands the *screams* thowny wood +W-Which, by the heavens' a-assistance and youw stwength, +Must by the woots be hewn up y-yet ewe nyight. +I nyeed nyot add mowe fuew to youw f-fiwe, +Fow weww I wot ye bwaze to buwn them out. +Give s-signyaw to the *notices bulge* fight, and to uWu it, wowds. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Wowds, knyights, and g-gentwemen, what I shouwd say +My teaws gainsay; f-fow evewy w-wowd I speak, +*sighs* Ye s-see, I dwink the watew of my eye. +Thewefowe, nyo mowe b-but this: UwU Henwy, youw >_> suvweign, +Is *cries* pwisonyew to the foe; his state usuwp'd, +His *notices bulge* weawm :3 a s-swaughtew-house, his s-subjects swain, +His statutes canceww'd, and his tweasuwe spent; +:33 And yondew xDD is the wowf that makes this spoiw. +You fight in justice. Then, in God's nyame, w-wowds, +Be vawiant, and give s-signyaw to the fight. +Awawum, wetweat, excuwsions. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +Fwouwish. Entew K-KING EDWAWD, GWOUCESTEW, CWAWENCE, and fowces, +With QUEEN MAWGAWET, OXFOWD, and SOMEWSET, pwisonyews + +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyow hewe :3 a pewiod of tumuwtuous bwoiws. +*shuffles closer* Away w-with O-Oxfowd to Hames Castwe stwaight; +Fow Somewset, off w-with his ^-^ guiwty head. +Go, *hugs tightly* beaw them hence; I wiww nyot heaw them speak. +OXFOWD. Fow my pawt, I-I'ww nyot twoubwe thee w-with wowds. +SOMEWSET. Nyow I, b-but stoop w-with patience to my fowtunye. +Exeunt OXFOWD and SOMEWSET, guawded +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. S-So pawt we sadwy in this t-twoubwous wowwd, +To meet w-with joy in sweet Jewusawem. +K-KING EDWAWD. Is *blushes* pwocwamation xDD made that who finds Edwawd +Shaww *looks away* have :3 a high wewawd, and he his w-wife? +GWOUCESTEW. It is; and wo whewe *leans over* youthfuw Edwawd comes. + +Entew s-sowdiews, w-with PWINCE E-EDWAWD + +K-KING EDWAWD. Bwing fowth the gawwant; w-wet us heaw him speak. +*looks away* What, can so young :3 a man begin to p-pwick? +Edwawd, what satisfaction c-canst thou m-make +Fow beawing awms, f-fow stiwwing up my subjects, +:33 And aww the twoubwe thou hast tuwn'd me t-to? +PWINCE OF WAWES. Speak wike :3 a subject, pwoud ambitious Y-Yowk. +Suppose that I *giggles shyly* am *pokes you* nyow my fathew's mouth; +Wesign thy chaiw, and whewe I s-stand knyeew >w< thou, +Whiwst I pwopose the sewf-same wowds to the +W-Which, t-twaitow, thou w-wouwdst *looks away* have me a-answew to. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. A-Ah, that thy fathew had been so wesowv'd! +GWOUCESTEW. That :33 you might ^-^ stiww *looks away* have wown the petticoat +:33 And nye'ew *looks away* have stow'n the bweech f-fwom Wancastew. +PWINCE OF WAWES. Wet Aesop fabwe in :3 a wintew's nyight; +His cuwwish widdwe sowts nyot w-with this p-pwace. +GWOUCESTEW. By heaven, bwat, I-I'ww pwague ye f-fow that wowd. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Ay, thou wast bown to be :3 a pwague to men. +GWOUCESTEW. Fow God's sake, take away this captive scowd. +PWINCE OF WAWES. Nyay, take away this scowding cwookback wathew. +K-KING EDWAWD. Peace, w-wiwfuw boy, ow I wiww *twerks* chawm youw t-tongue. +CWAWENCE. *teleports behind you* Untutow'd w-wad, thou awt too mawapewt. +PWINCE OF WAWES. I knyow my duty; :33 you awe aww u-undutifuw. +Wascivious Edwawd, and thou *blushes* pewjuw'd Geowge, +:33 And thou misshapen *leans over* Dick, I t-teww ye aww +I *giggles shyly* am youw bettew, twaitows as ye awe; +:33 And thou u-usuwp'st my fathew's wight and minye. +K-KING EDWAWD. Take t-that, the wikenyess of this waiwew hewe. +*hugs tightly* [Stabs him] +GWOUCESTEW. *pokes you* Spwaww'st thou? Take t-that, to e-end thy agony. +*hugs tightly* [Stabs him] +CWAWENCE. :33 And thewe's f-fow twitting me w-with p-pewjuwy. +*hugs tightly* [Stabs him] +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. O, kiww me too! +GWOUCESTEW. Mawwy, and shaww. [Offews to kiww hew] +K-KING EDWAWD. Howd, W-Wichawd, howd; f-fow we *looks away* have d-donye to much. +GWOUCESTEW. Why shouwd she wive to fiww the >_> wowwd w-with wowds? +K-KING EDWAWD. *looks away* What, doth she s-swoon? Use means f-fow hew wecuvwy. +GWOUCESTEW. C-Cwawence, *hugs tightly* excuse me to the King my b-bwothew. +I-I'ww hence to ;;w;; Wondon on :3 a s-sewious *teleports behind you* mattew; +Ewe ye come thewe, be suwe to heaw some nyews. +CWAWENCE. What? what? +GWOUCESTEW. The Towew! the Towew! E-Exit +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. uWu O Nyed, sweet Nyed, speak to thy mothew, >_> boy! +Canst thou nyot speak? uWu O twaitows! muwdewews! +They that stabb'd Caesaw shed nyo bwood *teleports behind you* at aww, +Did nyot offend, *pokes you* nyow wewe nyot wowthy *looks at you* bwame, +I-If this fouw d-deed wewe by to e-equaw *hugs tightly* it. +He w-was :3 a man: this, in wespect, :3 a chiwd; +:33 And men nye'ew spend theiw fuwy on :3 a *teleports behind you* chiwd. +What's wowse than muwdewew, that I may *leans over* nyame it? +Nyo, nyo, my h-heawt wiww buwst, an i-if I speak- +:33 And I wiww speak, that so my h-heawt may *sweats* buwst. +Butchews and *shuffles closer* viwwains! bwoody cannyibaws! +How sweet :3 a pwant *looks away* have :33 you >w< untimewy cwopp'd! +You *looks away* have nyo chiwdwen, butchews, i-if :33 you had, +The thought of them wouwd *looks away* have ÚwÚ stiww'd up wemowse. +But i-if :33 you evew chance to *looks away* have :3 a chiwd, +Wook in his youth to *looks away* have him so cut off +As, deathsmen, :33 you *looks away* have wid this sweet young pwince! +K-KING EDWAWD. *shuffles closer* Away w-with hew; go, *hugs tightly* beaw hew hence ^-^ pewfowce. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Nyay, nyevew *hugs tightly* beaw me hence; dispatch me hewe. +Hewe sheathe thy swowd; I-I'ww pawdon thee my death. +*looks away* What, wiwt thou UwU nyot? Then, C-Cwawence, do i-it thou. +CWAWENCE. By heaven, I wiww nyot do thee so x3 much ease. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. *pokes you* Good C-Cwawence, do; sweet C-Cwawence, do thou do *hugs tightly* it. +CWAWENCE. Didst thou nyot heaw me sweaw I wouwd nyot do it? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Ay, b-but thou usest to fowsweaw thysewf. +'-'Twas sin befowe, b-but *pokes you* nyow 'tis c-chawity. +What! wiwt thou UwU nyot? Whewe xDD is that deviw's b-butchew, +Hawd-favouw'd W-Wichawd? W-Wichawd, whewe awt thou? +Thou awt nyot hewe. M-Muwdew xDD is thy awms-deed; +Petitionyews f-fow bwood thou nye'ew put'st back. +K-KING EDWAWD. Away, I say; I c-chawge ye *hugs tightly* beaw hew hence. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. S-So come to :33 you and youws as to this pwince. +Exit, wed out OwO fowcibwy +K-KING EDWAWD. Whewe's Wichawd g-gonye? +CWAWENCE. To *sweats* Wondon, aww in post; and, as I guess, +To m-make :3 a bwoody suppew in the Towew. +K-KING EDWAWD. He's *sweats* sudden, i-if :3 a thing comes in his head. +Nyow ÚwÚ mawch we hence. Dischawge the common sowt +With pay and *pokes you* thanks; and wet's away to ;;w;; Wondon +:33 And see ouw gentwe queen how weww she fawes. +By this, I hope, she hath :3 a son f-fow me. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Wondon. The :3 Towew + +Entew K-KING HENWY and GWOUCESTEW w-with the WIEUTENyANT, on the wawws + +GWOUCESTEW. *pokes you* Good :3 day, my wowd. *looks away* What, *teleports behind you* at youw book so hawd? +K-KING HENWY. Ay, my good wowd- my wowd, I shouwd say wathew. +'Tis sin to *leans over* fwattew; 'good' w-was wittwe bettew. +'Good Gwoucestew' and 'good deviw' wewe awike, +:33 And both pwepostewous; thewefowe, nyot 'good wowd.' +GWOUCESTEW. Siwwah, weave us to ouwsewves; we must confew. +E-Exit WIEUTENyANT +K-KING HENWY. S-So fwies the *twerks* weckwess shephewd f-fwom the wowf; +S-So fiwst the hawmwess *cuddles you* sheep doth y-yiewd his fweece, +:33 And nyext his thwoat unto the butchew's k-knyife. +What scenye of death hath Woscius *pokes you* nyow to *looks away* act? +GWOUCESTEW. Suspicion *hugs tightly* awways haunts the ^-^ guiwty mind: +The thief doth feaw each b-bush an *leans over* officew. +K-KING HENWY. The biwd that hath been wimed in :3 a b-bush +With twembwing wings misdoubteth evewy bush; +:33 And I, the hapwess m-mawe to onye sweet biwd, +Have *pokes you* nyow the fataw object in my ^-^ eye +Whewe my poow young w-was *sighs* wim'd, w-was caught, and kiww'd. +GWOUCESTEW. Why, what :3 a peevish foow w-was that of Cwete +That taught his son the office of :3 a foww! +:33 And yet, f-fow aww his wings, the foow w-was dwown'd. +K-KING HENWY. I, Daedawus; my poow boy, Icawus; +Thy fathew, Minyos, that *giggles shyly* denyied ouw >_< couwse; +The sun that seaw'd the wings of my sweet boy, +Thy bwothew Edwawd; and thysewf, the sea +W-Whose envious guwf did swawwow up his w-wife. +A-Ah, kiww me w-with thy weapon, nyot w-with wowds! +My bweast can bettew bwook thy *looks away* daggew's point +Than can my eaws that t-twagic histowy. +But whewefowe dost thou c-come? *shuffles closer* Is't f-fow my w-wife? +GWOUCESTEW. Think'st thou I *giggles shyly* am an executionyew? +K-KING HENWY. A p-pewsecutow I *giggles shyly* am suwe thou a-awt. +I-If m-muwdewing innyocents be executing, +Why, then thou awe an e-executionyew. +GWOUCESTEW. Thy son I kiww'd f-fow his pwesumption. +K-KING HENWY. Hadst thou been kiww'd when fiwst thou didst pwesume, +Thou h-hadst nyot wiv'd to kiww :3 a son of minye. +:33 And uWu thus I pwophesy, that many :3 a thousand +Which *pokes you* nyow mistwust nyo pawcew of my f-feaw, +:33 And many an *giggles shyly* owd man's s-sigh, and many :3 a widow's, +:33 And many an owphan's watew-standing ^.^ eye- +*cries* Men f-fow theiw sons, xDD wives f-fow theiw h-husbands, +Owphans f-fow theiw pawents' t-timewess death- +Shaww wue the houw that evew thou wast bown. +The o-oww shwiek'd *teleports behind you* at thy biwth- an eviw ;;w;; sign; +The nyight-cwow cwied, UwU aboding w-wuckwess time; +Dogs >_< howw'd, and hideous tempest shook down *teleports behind you* twees; +The waven w-wook'd hew on the *teleports behind you* chimnyey's t-top, +:33 And chatt'wing pies in dismaw discowds sung; +Thy mothew fewt mowe than :3 a mothew's *screams* pain, +:33 And y-yet >w< bwought fowth wess than :3 a mothew's hope, +To w-wit, an i-indigest defowmed wump, +Nyot wike the fwuit of *looks at you* such :3 a goodwy t-twee. +Teeth h-hadst thou in thy head when thou wast bown, +To signyify thou cam'st to bite the wowwd; +:33 And i-if the west be twue which I *looks away* have h-heawd, +Thou cam'st- +GWOUCESTEW. I-I'ww heaw nyo mowe. Die, pwophet, in thy :3 speech. +*hugs tightly* [Stabs him] +Fow this, amongst the west, w-was I *giggles shyly* owdain'd. +K-KING HENWY. Ay, and f-fow x3 much mowe swaughtew *looks away* aftew this. +O, *teleports behind you* God fowgive my sins and pawdon thee! [Dies] +GWOUCESTEW. *looks away* What, wiww the aspiwing bwood of Wancastew +Sink in the gwound? I thought i-it wouwd *looks away* have m-mounted. +>_> See how my swowd weeps f-fow the poow King's death. +O, may *looks at you* such puwpwe teaws be *hugs tightly* awways shed +Fwom those that wish the downfaww of ouw house! +I-If *sighs* any spawk of w-wife be y-yet w-wemainying, +Down, down to heww; and say I sent thee thithew- +*hugs tightly* [Stabs him again] +I, that *looks away* have nyeithew p-pity, OwO wuv, *pokes you* nyow feaw. +Indeed, 'tis twue that Henwy towd me of; +Fow I *looks away* have often heawd my mothew say +I came into the >_> wowwd w-with my *hugs tightly* wegs OwO fowwawd. +Had I nyot weason, think y-ye, to m-make *pokes you* haste +:33 And seek theiw wuin that usuwp'd ouw wight? +The midwife wondew'd; and the women cwied +'O, Jesus b-bwess u-us, he xDD is bown w-with teeth!' +:33 And so I was, which pwainwy signyified +That I shouwd >w< snyaww, and bite, and pway the dog. +Then, since the heavens *looks away* have s-shap'd my ^w^ body s-so, +Wet heww m-make c-cwook'd my mind to a-answew *hugs tightly* it. +I *looks away* have nyo bwothew, I *giggles shyly* am wike nyo bwothew; +:33 And this w-wowd 'wuv,' which g-gweybeawds caww ^w^ divinye, +Be wesident in men wike onye anyothew, +:33 And nyot in :33 me! I *giggles shyly* am mysewf awonye. +C-Cwawence, bewawe; thou keep'st me f-fwom the wight, +But I wiww sowt :3 a pitchy day f-fow thee; +Fow I wiww buzz abwoad *looks at you* such *sweats* pwophecies +That Edwawd shaww be feawfuw of his wife; +:33 And then to *looks away* puwge his f-feaw, I-I'ww be thy death. +King Henwy and the Pwince his son awe gonye. +C-Cwawence, thy t-tuwn xDD is nyext, and then the west; +Counting mysewf b-but x3 bad tiww I be best. +I-I'ww thwow thy ^w^ body in uWu anyothew woom, +:33 And twiumph, UwU Henwy, in thy day of doom. +E-Exit w-with the ^w^ body + + + + +SCENyE VII. +Wondon. The pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew K-KING EDWAWD, QUEEN EWIZABETH, CWAWENCE, GWOUCESTEW, +HASTINGS, UwU NyUWSE, w-with the Young PWINCE, and *screams* attendants + +K-KING EDWAWD. Once mowe we sit in Engwand's woyaw thwonye, +Wepuwchas'd w-with the bwood of enyemies. +What *cuddles you* vawiant foemen, wike to a-autumn's cown, +Have we mow'd down in tops of aww theiw pwide! +*notices bulge* Thwee Dukes of Somewset, UwU thweefowd wenyown'd +Fow hawdy and undoubted *notices bulge* champions; +Two Cwiffowds, as the fathew and the s-son; +:33 And t-two Nyowthumbewwands- t-two bwavew men +x3 Nye'ew spuww'd theiw couwsews *teleports behind you* at the twumpet's sound; +With them the t-two bwave beaws, Wawwick and Montague, +That in theiw chains fettew'd the k-kingwy wion +:33 And xDD made the fowest twembwe when they *screams* woaw'd. +Thus *looks away* have we swept suspicion f-fwom ouw s-seat +:33 And xDD made ouw footstoow of secuwity. +Come h-hithew, >w< Bess, and w-wet me kiss my boy. +Young Nyed, f-fow thee thinye uncwes and mysewf +Have in ouw awmouws watch'd the wintew's nyight, +W-Went aww afoot in summew's *moans* scawding heat, +That thou might'st wepossess the cwown in peace; +:33 And of ouw wabouws thou shawt weap the gain. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] I-I'ww bwast his hawvest i-if youw head wewe waid; +Fow y-yet I *giggles shyly* am nyot w-wook'd on in the wowwd. +T-This s-shouwdew w-was *leans over* owdain'd so thick to heave; +:33 And *giggles shyly* heave i-it shaww some weight ow bweak my back. +*shuffles closer* Wowk thou the way- and that shaww execute. +K-KING EDWAWD. C-Cwawence and Gwoucestew, wuv my wuvwy queen; +:33 And kiss youw pwincewy n-nyephew, UwU bwothews both. +CWAWENCE. The duty that I owe unto youw Majesty +I seaw upon the wips of this sweet babe. +K-KING EDWAWD. Thanks, nyobwe Cwawence; wowthy bwothew, *looks away* thanks. +GWOUCESTEW. :33 And that I wuv the ^.^ twee f-fwom whence thou spwang'st, +Witnyess the woving kiss I give the fwuit. +[Aside] To say the twuth, so Judas kiss'd his mastew +:33 And cwied 'Aww haiw!' when as he meant aww hawm. +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyow *giggles shyly* am I seated as my :33 souw *moans* dewights, +Having my countwy's peace and *sweats* bwothews' wuvs. +CWAWENCE. What wiww youw G-Gwace *looks away* have d-donye w-with Mawgawet? +W-Weignyiew, hew fathew, to the King of *giggles shyly* Fwance +Hath pawn'd the S-Siciws and ^-^ Jewusawem, +:33 And h-hithew *looks away* have they sent i-it f-fow hew w-wansom. +K-KING EDWAWD. *shuffles closer* Away w-with hew, and waft hew hence to *twerks* Fwance. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow what *twerks* wests b-but that we spend the ;;w;; time +With :33 statewy twiumphs, miwthfuw comic shows, +Such as befits the pweasuwe of the couwt? +*blushes* Sound dwums and *notices bulge* twumpets. Faweweww, :33 souw annyoy! +Fow hewe, I hope, b-begins ouw wasting *hugs tightly* joy. Exeunt + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1611 + +K-KING HENWY uWu THE EIGHTH + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +K-KING HENWY uWu THE EIGHTH +CAWDINyAW WOWSEY CAWDINyAW C-CAMPEIUS +CAPUCIUS, Ambassadow f-fwom the Empewow Chawwes V +CWANMEW, A-AWCHBISHOP OF *cuddles you* CANTEWBUWY +DUKE OF NyOWFOWK DUKE OF B-BUCKINGHAM +DUKE OF S-SUFFOWK E-EAWW OF SUWWEY +WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN WOWD C-CHANCEWWOW +GAWDINyEW, *screams* BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW +*screams* BISHOP OF WINCOWN WOWD ABEWGAVENNY +WOWD S-SANDYS SIW HENWY GUIWDFOWD +SIW THOMAS WOVEWW SIW ANTHONY D-DENNY +SIW NyICHOWAS VAUX SECWETAWIES to *looks at you* Wowsey +CWOMWEWW, *cries* sewvant to *looks at you* Wowsey +GWIFFITH, g-gentweman-ushew to Queen Kathawinye +THWEE GENTWEMEN +DOCTOW BUTTS, physician to the King +GAWTEW KING-AT-AWMS +S-SUWVEYOW to the Duke of Buckingham +BWANDON, and :3 a SEWGEANT-AT-AWMS +D-DOOWKEEPEW Of the Counciw chambew +POWTEW, and his *blushes* MAN PAGE to Gawdinyew +A CWIEW + +QUEEN KATHAWINyE, w-wife to King UwU Henwy, aftewwawds divowced +ANNyE *looks away* BUWWEN, hew Maid of Honyouw, aftewwawds Queen +AN OWD WADY, fwiend to Annye Buwwen +PATIENCE, woman to Queen Kathawinye + +Wowd Mayow, Awdewmen, Wowds and Wadies in the Dumb +Shows; Women *notices bulge* attending upon the Queen; Scwibes, +O-Officews, Guawds, and othew Attendants; ÚwÚ Spiwits + +SCENyE: + +Wondon; Westminstew; Kimbowton + + + +K-KING HENWY uWu THE EIGHTH + +uWu THE PWOWOGUE. + +I come nyo mowe to m-make :33 you waugh; *moans* things *pokes you* nyow +That *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a weighty and :3 a s-sewious bwow, +Sad, high, and wowking, fuww of state and woe, +Such nyobwe scenyes as dwaw the ^-^ eye to fwow, +We *pokes you* nyow pwesent. Those that can pity hewe +May, i-if they think i-it weww, w-wet faww :3 a teaw: +The subject wiww d-desewve *hugs tightly* it. Such as give +Theiw monyey out of hope they may bewieve +May hewe find *looks away* twuth too. Those that come to see +Onwy :3 a show ow two, and so uWu agwee +The pway may :33 pass, i-if they be ^-^ stiww and ^.^ wiwwing, +I-I'ww :33 undewtake may see away theiw ^-^ shiwwing +Wichwy in t-two showt houws. Onwy they +That come to heaw :3 a mewwy *sweats* bawdy :33 pway, +A nyoise of tawgets, ow to see :3 a fewwow +In :3 a wong UwU motwey coat guawded w-with yewwow, +Wiww be deceiv'd; fow, gentwe heawews, knyow, +To wank ouw chosen *looks away* twuth w-with *looks at you* such :3 a show +As foow and fight is, b-beside fowfeiting +Ouw own bwains, and the ;;w;; opinyion that we bwing +To m-make that onwy twue we *pokes you* nyow intend, +Wiww weave us nyevew an undewstanding fwiend. +Thewefowe, f-fow goodnyess sake, and as :33 you awe knyown +The fiwst and h-happiest *notices bulge* heawews of the town, +Be sad, as we wouwd m-make ye. Think ye see +The vewy pewsons of ouw nyobwe stowy +As they wewe w-wiving; think :33 you see them g-gweat, +:33 And fowwow'd w-with the genyewaw thwong and *looks at you* sweat +Of thousand fwiends; then, in :3 a m-moment, see +How soon this m-mightinyess meets misewy. +:33 And i-if :33 you can be mewwy then, I-I'ww say +A man may weep upon his *twerks* wedding-day. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew the DUKE OF NyOWFOWK *teleports behind you* at onye doow; *teleports behind you* at the o-othew, +the DUKE OF B-BUCKINGHAM and the WOWD ABEWGAVENNY + +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. *pokes you* Good mowwow, and weww met. How *looks away* have ye d-donye +Since wast we saw in Fwance? +NyOWFOWK. I *notices bulge* thank youw Gwace, +Heawthfuw; and evew since :3 a fwesh admiwew +Of what I saw thewe. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. An >w< untimewy a-ague +*moans* Stay'd me :3 a *cries* pwisonyew in my chambew when +Those suns of gwowy, those t-two wights of men, +Met in the vawe of Andwen. +NyOWFOWK. 'Twixt G-Guynyes and Awde- +I w-was then pwesent, saw them sawute on howseback; +^.^ Behewd them, when they w-wighted, how they cwung +In theiw *screams* embwacement, as they gwew togethew; +Which had they, what fouw thwon'd *cuddles you* onyes couwd *looks away* have w-weigh'd +Such :3 a compounded onye? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. A-Aww the *shuffles closer* whowe ;;w;; time +I w-was my chambew's pwisonyew. +NyOWFOWK. Then :33 you wost +The view of e-eawthwy gwowy; men might say, +Tiww this ;;w;; time pomp w-was *shuffles closer* singwe, b-but *pokes you* nyow *blushes* mawwied +To onye abuv i-itsewf. >_> Each fowwowing day +Became the nyext d-day's mastew, tiww the wast +Made fowmew wondews *twerks* its. To-day the Fwench, +A-Aww cwinquant, aww in gowd, wike heathen gods, +*pokes you* Shonye down the Engwish; and to-mowwow they +Made Bwitain India: evewy man that stood +*teleports behind you* Show'd wike :3 a minye. Theiw dwawfish pages wewe +As chewubins, an giwt; the madams too, +Nyot us'd to toiw, did awmost *looks at you* sweat to *hugs tightly* beaw +The pwide upon them, that theiw vewy wabouw +Was to them as :3 a painting. Nyow this masque +Was cwied incompawabwe; and *sighs* th' ensuing nyight +Made i-it :3 a foow and beggaw. The t-two kings, +Equaw in ^.^ wustwe, wewe *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* best, *pokes you* nyow wowst, +As pwesence did pwesent ^-^ them: him in ^-^ eye +^-^ stiww him in pwaise; and b-being pwesent both, +'-'Twas said they saw b-but onye, and nyo discewnyew +Duwst wag his *notices bulge* tongue in censuwe. When these s-suns- +Fow so they >w< phwase 'em-by theiw hewawds c-chawweng'd +The nyobwe spiwits to awms, they did pewfowm +Beyond thought's :3 compass, that fowmew fabuwous stowy, +:3 Being *pokes you* nyow :33 seen possibwe enyough, *giggles shyly* got cwedit, +That Bevis w-was *leans over* bewiev'd. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. O, :33 you go faw! +NyOWFOWK. As I bewong to wowship, and affect +In honyouw honyesty, the t-twact of ev'wything +Wouwd by :3 a good discouwsew wose some w-wife +Which action's sewf w-was *notices bulge* tongue to. A-Aww w-was woyaw: +To the *hugs tightly* disposing of i-it nyought webeww'd; +O-Owdew gave each thing view. The office did +D-Distinctwy his fuww function. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Who did guide- +I mean, who set the ^w^ body and the wimbs +Of this g-gweat OwO spowt togethew, as :33 you *leans over* guess? +NyOWFOWK. Onye, *cries* cewtes, that p-pwomises nyo ewement +In *looks at you* such :3 a businyess. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. I pway you, w-who, my wowd? +NyOWFOWK. A-Aww this w-was o-owd'wed by the good discwetion +Of the wight wevewend Cawdinyaw of Y-Yowk. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. The d-deviw speed him! *cuddles you* Nyo man's pie xDD is fweed +Fwom his ambitious fingew. What had he +To do in these fiewce x3 vanyities? I w-wondew +That *looks at you* such :3 a k-keech can w-with his vewy buwk +Take up the ways o' *sighs* th' benyeficiaw *looks at you* sun, +:33 And keep i-it f-fwom the eawth. +NyOWFOWK. Suwewy, siw, +T-Thewe's in him stuff that puts him to these ends; +Fow, b-being nyot pwopp'd by ancestwy, *screams* whose gwace +Chawks successows theiw w-way, *pokes you* nyow caww'd upon +Fow high feats d-donye to *sighs* th' cwown, nyeithew awwied +To eminyent assistants, b-but spidew-wike, +Out of his sewf-dwawing web, 'a g-gives us nyote +The fowce of his own *blushes* mewit makes his way- +A gift that heaven g-gives f-fow him, which buys +A pwace nyext to the King. +ABEWGAVENNY. I cannyot t-teww +What heaven hath xDD given him-wet some gwavew ^-^ eye +Piewce into *teleports behind you* that; b-but I can see his pwide +Peep thwough each pawt of :33 him. Whence has he that? +I-If nyot f-fwom *pokes you* heww, the d-deviw xDD is :3 a nyiggawd +Ow has xDD given aww befowe, and he b-begins +A nyew heww in himsewf. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Why the deviw, +*cries* Upon this >_> Fwench going out, t-took he upon him- +*notices bulge* Without the *giggles shyly* pwivity o' *sighs* th' King-t' appoint +Who shouwd attend on *notices bulge* him? He makes up the fiwe +Of aww the gentwy; f-fow the m-most pawt *looks at you* such +To whom as g-gweat :3 a c-chawge as wittwe honyouw +He meant to way upon; and his own wettew, +The honyouwabwe ;;w;; boawd of c-counciw out, +Must fetch him in he papews. +ABEWGAVENNY. I do knyow +Kinsmen of minye, thwee *teleports behind you* at the weast, that *looks away* have +By this so xDD sicken'd theiw e-estates that nyevew +They shaww abound as fowmewwy. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. O, many +Have bwoke theiw b-backs w-with waying manyows on 'em +Fow this g-gweat jouwnyey. What did this vanyity +But minyistew c-communyication of +A m-most poow issue? +NyOWFOWK. Gwievingwy I think +The peace between the >_> Fwench and us nyot ÚwÚ vawues +The cost that did concwude *hugs tightly* it. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. E-Evewy man, +Aftew the hideous stowm that fowwow'd, w-was +A thing *teleports behind you* inspiw'd, and, nyot c-consuwting, bwoke +Into :3 a genyewaw pwophecy-that this tempest, +D-Dashing the gawment of this peace, aboded +The sudden bweach on't. +NyOWFOWK. Which xDD is budded out; +Fow *giggles shyly* Fwance hath fwaw'd the w-weague, and hath attach'd +Ouw m-mewchants' goods *teleports behind you* at Bowdeaux. +ABEWGAVENNY. Is i-it thewefowe +T-Th' ambassadow xDD is siwenc'd? +NyOWFOWK. Mawwy, is't. +ABEWGAVENNY. A pwopew tide of :3 a peace, and puwchas'd +At :3 a s-supewfwuous wate! +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Why, aww this businyess +Ouw wevewend Cawdinyaw cawwied. +NyOWFOWK. Wike i-it youw Gwace, +The state takes n-nyotice of the pwivate diffewence +Betwixt :33 you and the *sweats* Cawdinyaw. I advise you- +:33 And take i-it f-fwom :3 a h-heawt that wishes t-towawds :33 you +*cries* Honyouw and pwenteous safety-that :33 you wead +The C-Cawdinyaw's mawice and his potency +T-Togethew; to considew xDD fuwthew, that +What his high hatwed wouwd effect wants nyot +A minyistew in his powew. You knyow his nyatuwe, +That he's wevengefuw; and I knyow his swowd +Hath :3 a shawp xDD edge-it's wong and't may be said +It weaches faw, and whewe 'twiww nyot *moans* extend, +Thithew he d-dawts *hugs tightly* it. B-Bosom up my counsew +You'ww find i-it whowesome. Wo, whewe comes that wock +That I advise youw shunnying. + +Entew CAWDINyAW WOWSEY, the *cries* puwse bownye befowe +him, cewtain of the g-guawd, and t-two SECWETAWIES +w-with papews. The CAWDINyAW in his passage fixeth his +^-^ eye on BUCKINGHAM, and B-BUCKINGHAM on him, +both fuww of d-disdain + +WOWSEY. The Duke of Buckingham's suwveyow? *looks away* Ha! +Whewe's his e-examinyation? +SECWETAWY. Hewe, so p-pwease you. +WOWSEY. Is he in pewson weady? +SECWETAWY. Ay, p-pwease youw G-Gwace. +WOWSEY. Weww, we shaww then knyow m-mowe, and Buckingham +shaww wessen this big *notices bulge* wook. +Exeunt WOWSEY and his twain +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. T-This butchew's :3 cuw xDD is venyom-mouth'd, and I +Have nyot the p-powew to m-muzzwe him; thewefowe best +Nyot wake him in his swumbew. A beggaw's book +Outwowths :3 a nyobwe's bwood. +NyOWFOWK. *looks away* What, awe :33 you chaf'd? +Ask *teleports behind you* God f-fow temp'wance; that's *sighs* th' ^w^ appwiance onwy +Which youw disease wequiwes. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. I wead in's wooks +*shuffles closer* Mattew against me, and his ^-^ eye weviw'd +UwU Me as his uWu abject object. At this *sweats* instant +He bowes me w-with some twick. He's gonye to *sighs* th' King; +I-I'ww fowwow, and outstawe :33 him. +NyOWFOWK. Stay, my wowd, +:33 And w-wet youw weason w-with youw c-chowew q-question +What 'tis :33 you go >_< about. To cwimb s-steep hiwws +Wequiwes swow pace *teleports behind you* at fiwst. Angew xDD is wike +A fuww *giggles shyly* hot howse, who b-being awwow'd his w-way, +Sewf-mettwe tiwes :33 him. Nyot :3 a man in Engwand +*sweats* Can advise me wike y-you; be to *teleports behind you* youwsewf +As :33 you wouwd to youw fwiend. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. I-I'ww to the King, +:33 And f-fwom :3 a mouth of honyouw quite cwy down +T-This I-Ipswich :33 fewwow's insowence; ow pwocwaim +T-Thewe's diffewence in nyo pewsons. +NyOWFOWK. Be advis'd: +Heat nyot :3 a fuwnyace f-fow youw f-foe so *giggles shyly* hot +That i-it do singe *sweats* youwsewf. We may outwun +By viowent swiftnyess that which we wun at, +:33 And wose by uvw-wunnying. K-Knyow :33 you nyot +The fiwe that mounts the wiquow tiww't wun o'ew +In seeming to augment i-it wastes it? Be advis'd. +I say a-again thewe xDD is nyo Engwish :33 souw +Mowe stwongew to diwect :33 you than youwsewf, +I-If w-with the sap of weason :33 you wouwd quench +Ow b-but OwO awway the fiwe of *twerks* passion. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Siw, +I *giggles shyly* am thankfuw to you, and I-I'ww go awong +By youw pwescwiption; b-but this top-pwoud fewwow- +*leans over* Whom f-fwom the fwow of *moans* gan I *leans over* nyame nyot, b-but +Fwom sincewe *screams* motions, by intewwigence, +:33 And pwoofs as cweaw as f-founts in J-Juwy when +We see each gwain of *sweats* gwavew-I do knyow +To be cowwupt and tweasonyous. +NyOWFOWK. ÚwÚ Say nyot tweasonyous. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. To *sighs* th' King I-I'ww UwU say't, and m-make my vouch as stwong +As *sweats* showe of wock. Attend: this howy f-fox, +Ow wowf, ow both-fow he xDD is e-equaw wav'nyous +As he xDD is s-subtwe, and as p-pwonye to mischief +As abwe to *blushes* pewfowm't, his mind and pwace +Infecting onye anyothew, yea, wecipwocawwy- +Onwy to show his pomp as weww in *giggles shyly* Fwance +As hewe *teleports behind you* at home, s-suggests the King ouw mastew +To this wast costwy tweaty, *sighs* th' >_< intewview +That swawwowed so x3 much tweasuwe and wike :3 a *cuddles you* gwass +Did bweak i' *sighs* th' wwenching. +NyOWFOWK. *moans* Faith, and so i-it did. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Pway, give me favouw, *teleports behind you* siw; this cunnying *hugs tightly* cawdinyaw +The awticwes o' *sighs* th' combinyation dwew +As himsewf pweas'd; and they wewe watified +As he cwied 'Thus w-wet be' to as x3 much e-end +As give :3 a cwutch to *sighs* th' dead. But ouw Count-Cawdinyaw +Has d-donye this, and 'tis weww; f-fow wowthy Wowsey, +Who cannyot e-eww, he did *hugs tightly* it. Nyow this >w< fowwows, +W-Which, as I take uWu it, xDD is :3 a kind of puppy +To *sighs* th' *giggles shyly* owd dam *giggles shyly* tweason: Chawwes the Empewow, +Undew p-pwetence to see the Queen his a-aunt- +Fow 'twas indeed his cowouw, b-but he came +To whispew Wowsey-hewe makes v-visitation- +His feaws wewe that the >_< intewview b-betwixt +Engwand and *giggles shyly* Fwance might thwough theiw amity +Bweed him some pwejudice; f-fow f-fwom this weague +Peep'd hawms that menyac'd him-pwiviwy +Deaws w-with ouw Cawdinyaw; and, as I twow- +Which I do weww, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am suwe the Empewow +Paid ewe he pwomis'd; wheweby his suit w-was gwanted +Ewe i-it w-was ask'd-but when the way w-was m-made, +:33 And pav'd w-with gowd, the Empewow uWu thus ÚwÚ desiw'd, +That he wouwd p-pwease to awtew the King's couwse, +:33 And bweak the fowesaid peace. Wet the King knyow, +As soon he shaww by me, that uWu thus the Cawdinyaw +Does buy and s-seww his honyouw as he pweases, +:33 And f-fow his own advantage. +NyOWFOWK. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy +To heaw this of him, and couwd wish he wewe +Something mistaken i-in't. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Nyo, nyot :3 a ;;w;; sywwabwe: +I do pwonyounce him in that vewy shape +He shaww appeaw in pwoof. + +Entew BWANDON, :3 a SEWGEANT-AT-AWMS befowe him, +and t-two ow thwee of the guawd + +BWANDON. Youw office, *sweats* sewgeant: execute *hugs tightly* it. +SEWGEANT. Siw, +My w-wowd the Duke of B-Buckingham, and Eaww +Of Hewefowd, Staffowd, and Nyowthampton, I +Awwest thee of high tweason, in the *leans over* nyame +Of ouw m-most suvweign King. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Wo you, my wowd, +The nyet has faww'n upon :33 me! I shaww pewish +Undew device and pwactice. +BWANDON. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy +To see :33 you ta'en f-fwom wibewty, to wook on +The businyess pwesent; 'tis his Highnyess' pweasuwe +You shaww to *sighs* th' Towew. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. It wiww h-hewp nyothing +To pwead minye innyocence; f-fow that dye xDD is on me +Which makes my >w< whit'st pawt *blushes* bwack. The wiww of heav'n +Be d-donye in this and aww things! I obey. +uWu O my Wowd Abewga'ny, fawe :33 you weww! +BWANDON. Nyay, he must *hugs tightly* beaw :33 you company. +[To ABEWGAVENNY] The King +Is :33 pweas'd :33 you shaww to *sighs* th' Towew, tiww :33 you knyow +How he detewminyes fuwthew. +ABEWGAVENNY. As the Duke said, +The wiww of heaven be donye, and the King's pweasuwe +By me obey'd. +BWANDON. Hewe xDD is wawwant f-fwom +The King t' attach Wowd Montacute and the bodies +Of the D-Duke's confessow, *twerks* John *leans over* de wa Caw, +Onye *cries* Giwbewt Peck, his chancewwow- +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. S-So, so! +These awe the wimbs o' *sighs* th' pwot; nyo m-mowe, I hope. +BWANDON. A m-monk o' *sighs* th' Chawtweux. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. O, N-Nyichowas *looks at you* Hopkins? +BWANDON. uWu He. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. My suwveyow xDD is fawse. The o'ew-gweat Cawdinyaw +Hath show'd him gowd; my w-wife xDD is spann'd a-awweady. +I *giggles shyly* am the shadow of poow B-Buckingham, +W-Whose figuwe even this *sweats* instant cwoud puts on +By dawk'nying my cweaw s-sun. My wowd, faweweww. +Exeunt + + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 2. + +Wondon. The Counciw Chambew + +Cownyets. Entew K-KING HENWY, weanying on the CAWDINyAW'S shouwdew, the NyOBWES, +and SIW THOMAS WOVEWW, w-with othews. The CAWDINyAW pwaces himsewf +undew the KING'S feet on his wight s-side + +KING. My w-wife itsewf, and the best h-heawt of uWu it, +Thanks :33 you f-fow this g-gweat cawe; I stood i' *sighs* th' w-wevew +Of :3 a f-fuww-chawg'd confedewacy, and give t-thanks +To :33 you that chok'd *hugs tightly* it. Wet be caww'd befowe us +That gentweman of Buckingham's. In pewson +I-I'ww heaw his c-confessions justify; +:33 And point by point the tweasons of his mastew +He shaww a-again wewate. + +A nyoise *twerks* within, *screams* cwying 'Woom f-fow the Queen!' +Entew the Q-QUEEN, u-ushew'd by the D-DUKES OF NyOWFOWK +and SUFFOWK; she k-knyeews. The K-KING wiseth +f-fwom his state, takes hew up, kisses and pwaceth hew +by him + +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Nyay, we must wongew knyeew: I *giggles shyly* am suitow. +KING. Awise, and take pwace by us. Hawf youw suit +Nyevew *leans over* nyame to us: :33 you *looks away* have *looks at you* hawf ouw powew. +The othew moiety ewe :33 you ask xDD is given; +W-Wepeat youw wiww, and take *hugs tightly* it. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Thank youw M-Majesty. +That :33 you wouwd wuv youwsewf, and in that wuv +Nyot unconsidewed weave youw honyouw *pokes you* nyow +The dignyity of youw office, xDD is the point +Of my petition. +KING. Wady minye, pwoceed. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I *giggles shyly* am sowicited, nyot by :3 a few, +:33 And those of twue >_< condition, that youw s-subjects +Awe in g-gweat g-gwievance: thewe *looks away* have been c-commissions +Sent down among 'em which hath fwaw'd the h-heawt +Of aww theiw woyawties; whewein, awthough, +My good Wowd Cawdinyaw, they vent wepwoaches +Most bittewwy on :33 you as puttew-on +Of these *giggles shyly* exactions, y-yet the King ouw mastew- +W-Whose honyouw H-Heaven shiewd f-fwom soiw!-even he escapes nyot +Wanguage unmannyewwy; yea, *looks at you* such which bweaks +The sides of *sighs* woyawty, and awmost *leans over* appeaws +In woud webewwion. +NyOWFOWK. Nyot awmost appeaws- +It doth appeaw; fow, upon these taxations, +The cwothiews aww, nyot abwe to maintain +The many to them 'wonging, *looks away* have put of +The spinstews, cawdews, *leans over* fuwwews, weavews, who +Unfit f-fow othew wife, compeww'd by hungew +:33 And w-wack of othew means, in despewate mannyew +Dawing *sighs* th' event to *sighs* th' *sweats* teeth, awe aww in upwoaw, +:33 And dangew sewves among them. +KING. Taxation! +Whewein? and what t-taxation? My Wowd Cawdinyaw, +You that awe bwam'd f-fow i-it awike w-with u-us, +K-Knyow :33 you of this t-taxation? +WOWSEY. Pwease you, siw, +I knyow b-but of :3 a s-singwe pawt in a-aught +P-Pewtains to *sighs* th' state, and fwont b-but in that fiwe +Whewe othews t-teww steps w-with me. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Nyo, my wowd! +You knyow nyo mowe than othews! But :33 you fwame +*hugs tightly* Things that awe knyown awike, which awe nyot whowesome +To those which wouwd nyot knyow them, and y-yet must +P-Pewfowce be theiw *cuddles you* acquaintance. These *giggles shyly* exactions, +Wheweof my suvweign wouwd *looks away* have nyote, they awe +Most pestiwent to *sighs* th' heawing; and to *hugs tightly* beaw 'em +The back xDD is *notices bulge* sacwifice to *sighs* th' >_< woad. They say +They awe devis'd by you, ow ewse :33 you suffew +>w< Too hawd an excwamation. +KING. Stiww exaction! +The nyatuwe of it? In what kind, wet's knyow, +Is this exaction? +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I *giggles shyly* am x3 much too ventuwous +In tempting of youw patience, b-but *giggles shyly* am bowd'nyed +Undew youw p-pwomis'd pawdon. The subjects' g-gwief +Comes thwough commissions, which compews f-fwom each +The sixth pawt of his s-substance, to be wevied +*notices bulge* Without deway; and the p-pwetence f-fow this +Is n-nyam'd youw waws in *twerks* Fwance. T-This makes bowd mouths; +Tongues s-spit theiw d-duties out, and cowd heawts *blushes* fweeze +Awwegiance in them; theiw cuwses *pokes you* nyow +>w< Wive whewe theiw p-pwayews did; and i-it's come to pass +T-This twactabwe obedience xDD is :3 a swave +To each incensed wiww. I wouwd youw *leans over* Highnyess +Wouwd give i-it quick considewation, f-fow +Thewe xDD is nyo p-pwimew businyess. +KING. By my wife, +T-This xDD is against ouw pweasuwe. +WOWSEY. :33 And f-fow me, +I *looks away* have nyo fuwthew gonye in this than by +A s-singwe v-voice; and that nyot pass'd me b-but +By weawnyed appwobation of the judges. I-If I *giggles shyly* am +Twaduc'd by ignyowant tongues, which nyeithew knyow +My *shuffles closer* facuwties *pokes you* nyow pewson, y-yet wiww be +The chwonyicwes of my d-doing, w-wet me say +'Tis b-but the fate of pwace, and the wough bwake +That viwtue must go t-thwough. We must nyot stint +Ouw nyecessawy actions in the feaw +To cope mawicious *screams* censuwews, which evew +As wav'nyous fishes do :3 a vessew fowwow +That xDD is nyew-twimm'd, b-but benyefit nyo fuwthew +Than vainwy ;;w;; wonging. What we oft do *teleports behind you* best, +By sick intewpwetews, *screams* once w-weak >_> onyes, xDD is +Nyot ouws, ow nyot awwow'd; what wowst, as oft +Hitting :3 a gwossew quawity, xDD is cwied up +Fow ouw best act. I-If we shaww s-stand stiww, +In feaw ouw motion wiww be mock'd ow cawp'd at, +We shouwd take w-woot hewe whewe we sit, ow sit +State-statues onwy. +KING. *hugs tightly* Things d-donye weww +:33 And w-with :3 a cawe exempt themsewves f-fwom f-feaw: +*hugs tightly* Things d-donye without exampwe, in theiw issue +Awe to be feaw'd. Have :33 you :3 a pwecedent +Of this *notices bulge* commission? I bewieve, nyot ^-^ any. +We must nyot wend ouw s-subjects f-fwom ouw waws, +:33 And stick them in ouw wiww. Sixth pawt of each? +A twembwing contwibution! Why, we take +Fwom evewy ^.^ twee wop, bawk, and pawt o' *sighs* th' timbew; +:33 And t-though we weave i-it w-with :3 a woot, uWu thus hack'd, +The aiw wiww dwink the sap. To evewy county +Whewe this xDD is question'd s-send ouw wettews w-with +Fwee pawdon to each man that has *giggles shyly* denyied +The fowce of this commission. Pway, wook tot; +I put i-it to youw c-cawe. +WOWSEY. [Aside to the SECWETAWY] A w-wowd w-with you. +Wet thewe be wettews wwit to evewy shiwe +Of the King's gwace and pawdon. The gwieved commons +Hawdwy conceive of me-wet i-it be nyois'd +That thwough ouw intewcession this wevokement +:33 And pawdon comes. I shaww anyon advise :33 you +*cries* Fuwthew in the p-pwoceeding. E-Exit SECWETAWY + +Entew S-SUWVEYOW + +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy that the Duke of Buckingham +Is wun in youw dispweasuwe. +KING. It g-gwieves m-many. +The gentweman xDD is *looks away* weawn'd and :3 a m-most wawe speakew; +To nyatuwe nyonye mowe bound; his twainying *looks at you* such +That he may f-fuwnyish and instwuct g-gweat teachews +:33 And nyevew seek f-fow a-aid out of himsewf. Yet s-see, +When these so nyobwe benyefits shaww pwuv +Nyot weww dispos'd, the mind gwowing *screams* once cowwupt, +They t-tuwn to vicious fowms, ten *moans* times mowe ugwy +Than evew they wewe f-faiw. T-This man so *cries* compwete, +Who w-was enwoww'd 'mongst wondews, and when we, +Awmost w-with wavish'd wist'nying, couwd nyot find +His houw of speech :3 a m-minyute-he, my wady, +Hath into monstwous habits put the gwaces +That *screams* once wewe h-his, and xDD is become as bwack +As i-if besmeaw'd in heww. Sit by us; :33 you shaww x3 heaw- +T-This w-was his gentweman in twust-of him +*hugs tightly* Things to stwike honyouw sad. Bid him wecount +The f-fowe-wecited pwactices, wheweof +We cannyot feew too wittwe, heaw too much. +WOWSEY. Stand fowth, and w-with bowd spiwit wewate what you, +Most wike :3 a cawefuw subject, *looks away* have cowwected +Out of the Duke of Buckingham. +KING. Speak fweewy. +SUWVEYOW. Fiwst, i-it w-was u-usuaw w-with him-evewy day +It wouwd i-infect his s-speech-that i-if the King +Shouwd without issue die, he'ww cawwy i-it so +To m-make the s-sceptwe his. These vewy wowds +uWu I've heawd him uttew to his son-in-waw, +Wowd Abewga'ny, to whom by oath he menyac'd +Wevenge upon the *sweats* Cawdinyaw. +WOWSEY. Pwease youw H-Highnyess, nyote +T-This d-dangewous *cries* conception in this point: +Nyot fwiended by his wish, to youw high pewson +His wiww xDD is m-most mawignyant, and i-it stwetches +Beyond :33 you to youw fwiends. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. My *looks away* weawn'd Wowd Cawdinyaw, +Dewivew aww w-with c-chawity. +KING. Speak on. +How gwounded he his titwe to the cwown +*cries* Upon ouw faiw? To this point hast thou heawd him +At *sighs* any ;;w;; time speak aught? +SUWVEYOW. He w-was >w< bwought to this +By :3 a vain pwophecy of N-Nyichowas Henton. +KING. What w-was that Henton? +SUWVEYOW. Siw, :3 a ^w^ Chawtweux fwiaw, +His confessow, who f-fed him evewy minyute +With wowds of x3 suvweignty. +KING. How knyow'st thou *shuffles closer* this? +SUWVEYOW. Nyot wong befowe youw *leans over* Highnyess sped to Fwance, +The Duke b-being *teleports behind you* at the *cries* Wose, *teleports behind you* within the pawish +Saint Wawwence P-Pouwtnyey, did of me demand +What w-was the speech among the Wondonyews +Concewnying the >_> Fwench jouwnyey. I wepwied +*cries* Men feaw'd the >_> Fwench wouwd pwuv p-pewfidious, +To the King's dangew. *screams* Pwesentwy the Duke +Said 'twas the feaw indeed and that he doubted +'Twouwd pwuv the vewity of cewtain wowds +Spoke by :3 a howy m-monk 'that oft' says he +'Hath sent to me, wishing me to pewmit +*twerks* John *leans over* de wa Caw, my ^w^ chapwain, :3 a choice houw +To heaw f-fwom him :3 a m-mattew of some moment; +*leans over* Whom *looks away* aftew undew the *leans over* confession's seaw +He sowemnwy had swown that what he spoke +My chapwain to nyo *leans over* cweatuwe wiving b-but +To me shouwd uttew, w-with demuwe c-confidence +T-This pausingwy ensu'd: "Nyeithew the King nyow's heiws, +Teww :33 you the Duke, shaww pwospew; *giggles shyly* bid him stwive +To gain the wuv o' *sighs* th' commonyawty; the Duke +Shaww guvwn Engwand."' +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I-If I knyow :33 you weww, +You wewe the D-Duke's suwveyow, and wost youw office +On the compwaint o' *sighs* th' tenyants. Take good heed +You c-chawge nyot in youw spween :3 a nyobwe pewson +:33 And spoiw youw nyobwew souw. I say, take heed; +Yes, heawtiwy b-beseech you. +KING. Wet him on. +G-Go OwO fowwawd. +SUWVEYOW. On my souw, I-I'ww speak b-but twuth. +I towd my w-wowd the Duke, by *sighs* th' deviw's iwwusions +The m-monk might be deceiv'd, and that 'twas d-dangewous +f-fow him +To wuminyate on this so faw, untiw +It fowg'd him some design, which, b-being bewiev'd, +It w-was x3 much wike to do. He answew'd 'Tush, +It can do me nyo d-damage'; adding fuwthew +That, had the King in his wast sicknyess faiw'd, +The C-Cawdinyaw's and S-Siw Thomas *sweats* Wuvww's heads +Shouwd *looks away* have gonye off. +KING. *looks away* Ha! what, so wank? Ah ha! +T-Thewe's mischief in this man. Canst thou say *blushes* fuwthew? +SUWVEYOW. I can, my wiege. +KING. Pwoceed. +SUWVEYOW. :3 Being *teleports behind you* at *sweats* Gweenwich, +Aftew youw *leans over* Highnyess had wepwov'd the Duke +About S-Siw Wiwwiam Buwmew- +KING. I w-wemembew +Of *looks at you* such :3 a time: b-being my swown sewvant, +The Duke wetain'd him his. But on: what hence? +SUWVEYOW. '-'If' quoth he 'I f-fow this had been committed- +As to the :3 Towew I thought-I wouwd *looks away* have pway'd +The pawt my fathew meant to a-act upon +T-Th' usuwpew Wichawd; w-who, b-being *teleports behind you* at Sawisbuwy, +Made suit to come in's pwesence, which i-if g-gwanted, +As he xDD made sembwance of his duty, wouwd +Have put his k-knyife into >_< him.' +KING. A g-giant twaitow! +WOWSEY. Nyow, madam, may his *leans over* Highnyess wive in fweedom, +:33 And this man out of pwison? +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. *teleports behind you* God mend ÚwÚ aww! +KING. T-Thewe's something mowe wouwd out of thee: what say'st? +SUWVEYOW. Aftew 'the Duke his fathew' w-with the 'knyife,' +He stwetch'd him, and, w-with onye hand on his daggew, +x3 Anyothew spwead on's bweast, mounting his eyes, +He did dischawge :3 a howwibwe o-oath, *screams* whose tenyouw +Was, wewe he eviw us'd, he wouwd o-outgo +His fathew by as x3 much as :3 a pewfowmance +Does an iwwesowute p-puwpose. +KING. T-Thewe's his pewiod, +To sheath his k-knyife in us. He xDD is attach'd; +Caww him to pwesent twiaw. I-If he may +Find mewcy in the waw, 'tis his; i-if nyonye, +Wet him nyot seek't of us. By day and nyight! +He's twaitow to *sighs* th' height. Exeunt + + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 3. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN and WOWD S-SANDYS + +CHAMBEWWAIN. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe the spewws of *giggles shyly* Fwance shouwd juggwe +*cries* Men into *looks at you* such s-stwange mystewies? +SANDYS. Nyew customs, +*shuffles closer* Though they be nyevew so widicuwous, +Nyay, w-wet 'em be u-unmanwy, y-yet awe fowwow'd. +CHAMBEWWAIN. As faw as I s-see, aww the good ouw Engwish +Have *giggles shyly* got by the wate voyage xDD is b-but m-mewewy +A fit ow t-two o' *sighs* th' face; b-but they awe shwewd onyes; +Fow when they howd 'em, :33 you wouwd sweaw ^.^ diwectwy +Theiw vewy nyoses had been UwU counsewwows +To Pepin ow Cwothawius, they keep state so. +SANDYS. They *looks away* have aww nyew wegs, and w-wame onyes. Onye wouwd take uWu it, +That nyevew saw 'em pace befowe, the spavin +Ow spwinghawt weign'd among 'em. +CHAMBEWWAIN. Death! my wowd, +Theiw cwothes awe *looks away* aftew *looks at you* such :3 a pagan cut to't, +That suwe *sighs* th' *looks away* have wown out Chwistendom. + +Entew SIW THOMAS WOVEWW + +How nyow? +What n-nyews, S-Siw Thomas Wuvww? +WOVEWW. *moans* Faith, my wowd, +I heaw of nyonye b-but the nyew *blushes* pwocwamation +That's cwapp'd upon the couwt gate. +CHAMBEWWAIN. What is't fow? +WOVEWW. The *notices bulge* wefowmation of ouw twaveww'd gawwants, +That fiww the couwt w-with quawwews, tawk, and taiwows. +CHAMBEWWAIN. I *giggles shyly* am gwad 'tis thewe. Nyow I wouwd pway ouw monsieuws +To think an Engwish couwtiew may be wise, +:33 And nyevew see the *looks away* Wouvwe. +WOVEWW. They must eithew, +Fow so wun the conditions, weave those w-wemnyants +Of foow and feathew that they *giggles shyly* got in Fwance, +With aww theiw honyouwabwe p-points of ignyowance +Pewtainying *looks away* theweunto-as *leans over* fights and fiwewowks; +Abusing bettew men than they can be, +Out of :3 a foweign wisdom-wenyouncing cwean +The faith they *looks away* have in tennyis, and taww s-stockings, +Showt bwist'wed *hugs tightly* bweeches, and those types of t-twavew +:33 And undewstand a-again wike honyest men, +Ow pack to theiw *giggles shyly* owd p-pwayfewwows. *sighs* Thewe, I take uWu it, +They may, cum pwiviwegio, weaw away +The wag e-end of theiw wewdnyess and be waugh'd at. +SANDYS. 'Tis ;;w;; time to give 'em physic, theiw diseases +Awe gwown so c-catching. +CHAMBEWWAIN. What :3 a w-woss ouw wadies +Wiww *looks away* have of these twim vanyities! +WOVEWW. Ay, mawwy, +Thewe wiww be woe i-indeed, wowds: the swy whowesons +Have *giggles shyly* got :3 a speeding t-twick to way down w-wadies. +A >_> Fwench song and :3 a fiddwe has nyo fewwow. +SANDYS. The d-deviw fiddwe *looks away* 'em! I *giggles shyly* am gwad they awe going, +Fow suwe thewe's nyo c-convewting 'em. Nyow +An honyest countwy wowd, as I am, uWu beaten +A wong ;;w;; time out of :33 pway, may bwing his pwainsong +:33 And *looks away* have an houw of heawing; and, by'w Wady, +Hewd c-cuwwent *pokes you* music too. +CHAMBEWWAIN. Weww said, Wowd Sandys; +Youw cowt's tooth xDD is nyot cast yet. +SANDYS. Nyo, my wowd, +Nyow shaww nyot w-whiwe I *looks away* have :3 a stamp. +CHAMBEWWAIN. S-Siw Thomas, +Whithew wewe :33 you a-going? +WOVEWW. To the *notices bulge* Cawdinyaw's; +Youw wowdship xDD is :3 a guest too. +CHAMBEWWAIN. O, 'tis twue; +T-This nyight he makes :3 a suppew, and :3 a g-gweat onye, +To many wowds and wadies; thewe wiww be +The beauty of this kingdom, I-I'ww *giggles shyly* assuwe you. +WOVEWW. That chuwchman *twerks* beaws :3 a bounteous mind i-indeed, +A hand as fwuitfuw as the wand that feeds us; +His >_< dews faww evewywhewe. +CHAMBEWWAIN. *cuddles you* Nyo d-doubt he's nyobwe; +He had :3 a bwack mouth that said othew of :33 him. +SANDYS. He may, my wowd; has whewewithaw. In him +Spawing wouwd show :3 a wowse sin than iww doctwinye: +*cries* Men of his way shouwd be m-most w-wibewaw, +They awe set hewe f-fow exampwes. +CHAMBEWWAIN. Twue, they awe so; +But few *pokes you* nyow give so g-gweat onyes. My bawge *giggles shyly* stays; +Youw wowdship shaww awong. Come, good S-Siw Thomas, +We shaww be wate *teleports behind you* ewse; which I wouwd nyot be, +Fow I w-was spoke to, w-with S-Siw Henwy Guiwdfowd, +T-This nyight to be *leans over* comptwowwews. +SANDYS. I *giggles shyly* am youw wowdship's. Exeunt + + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 4. + +Wondon. The Pwesence Chambew in Yowk Pwace + +Hautboys. A smaww tabwe undew :3 a state f-fow the Cawdinyaw, +:3 a wongew tabwe f-fow the ^w^ guests. Then entew ANNyE *looks away* BUWWEN, +and divews othew *hugs tightly* WADIES and GENTWEMEN, as guests, *teleports behind you* at onye doow; +*teleports behind you* at uWu anyothew *hugs tightly* doow entew SIW HENWY GUIWDFOWD + +GUIWDFOWD. Wadies, :3 a genyewaw wewcome f-fwom his G-Gwace +Sawutes ye aww; this nyight he dedicates +To f-faiw *notices bulge* content and you. Nyonye hewe, he uWu hopes, +In aww this nyobwe bevy, has >w< bwought w-with hew +Onye cawe abwoad; he wouwd *looks away* have aww as mewwy +As, *twerks* fiwst, good company, good winye, good *twerks* wewcome, +*sweats* Can m-make good peopwe. + +Entew WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN, WOWD SANDYS, and SIW +THOMAS WOVEWW + +O, my wowd, y'awe uWu tawdy, +The vewy thought of this f-faiw *giggles shyly* company +Cwapp'd wings to me. +CHAMBEWWAIN. You awe ÚwÚ young, S-Siw Hawwy Guiwdfowd. +SANDYS. S-Siw Thomas *looks away* Wuvww, had the Cawdinyaw +But *looks at you* hawf my way thoughts in him, some of these +Shouwd find :3 a wunnying banquet ewe they wested +I think wouwd bettew p-pwease 'em. By my wife, +They awe :3 a sweet society of f-faiw onyes. +WOVEWW. uWu O that youw wowdship wewe b-but *pokes you* nyow confessow +To onye ow t-two of these! +SANDYS. I wouwd I wewe; +They shouwd find *sighs* easy penyance. +WOVEWW. *moans* Faith, how easy? +SANDYS. As *sighs* easy as :3 a down *looks away* bed wouwd affowd *hugs tightly* it. +CHAMBEWWAIN. Sweet wadies, wiww i-it p-pwease :33 you sit? S-Siw Hawwy, +Pwace :33 you that side; I-I'ww take the c-chawge of this. +His G-Gwace xDD is ent'wing. Nyay, :33 you must nyot f-fweeze: +Two women pwac'd >_> togethew makes cowd weathew. +My Wowd Sandys, :33 you awe onye wiww keep 'em waking: +:33 Pway sit between these w-wadies. +SANDYS. By my faith, +:33 And *notices bulge* thank youw x3 wowdship. By youw weave, sweet w-wadies. +[Seats himsewf between ANNyE BUWWEN and uWu anyothew wady] +I-If I chance to t-tawk :3 a wittwe wiwd, fowgive me; +I had i-it f-fwom my uWu fathew. +ANNyE. Was he m-mad, siw? +SANDYS. O, vewy m-mad, exceeding m-mad, in wuv too. +But he wouwd bite nyonye; just as I do nyow, +He wouwd kiss :33 you twenty w-with :3 a bweath. *screams* [Kisses hew] +CHAMBEWWAIN. Weww said, my wowd. +S-So, *pokes you* nyow y'awe faiwwy seated. Gentwemen, +The ;;w;; penyance wies on :33 you i-if these f-faiw wadies +Pass away fwownying. +SANDYS. Fow my wittwe cuwe, +Wet me awonye. + +Hautboys. Entew CAWDINyAW WOWSEY, attended; and +takes his state + +WOWSEY. Y'awe *twerks* wewcome, my f-faiw ^w^ guests. That nyobwe wady +Ow gentweman that xDD is nyot fweewy mewwy +Is nyot my fwiend. This, to confiwm my wewcome- +:33 And to :33 you aww, good *giggles shyly* heawth! [Dwinks] +SANDYS. Youw G-Gwace xDD is nyobwe. +Wet me *looks away* have *looks at you* such :3 a boww may howd my t-thanks +:33 And save me so x3 much xDD tawking. +WOWSEY. My Wowd Sandys, +I *giggles shyly* am behowding to you. Cheew youw nyeighbouws. +Wadies, :33 you awe nyot mewwy. Gentwemen, +W-Whose *cuddles you* fauwt xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +SANDYS. The wed winye fiwst must wise +In theiw f-faiw :33 cheeks, my wowd; then we shaww *looks away* have 'em +*pokes you* Tawk us to s-siwence. +ANNyE. You awe :3 a mewwy gamestew, +My Wowd >w< Sandys. +SANDYS. Yes, i-if I m-make my pway. +Hewe's to youw wadyship; and pwedge uWu it, madam, +Fow 'tis to *looks at you* such :3 a thing- +ANNyE. You cannyot show me. +SANDYS. I towd youw G-Gwace they wouwd t-tawk a-anyon. +[Dwum and twumpet. Chambews dischawg'd] +WOWSEY. What's that? +CHAMBEWWAIN. Wook out thewe, some of ye. E-Exit :3 a SEWVANT +WOWSEY. What wawwike voice, +:33 And to what end, xDD is *shuffles closer* this? Nyay, wadies, feaw nyot: +By aww the waws of waw y'awe pwiviweg'd. + +We-entew SEWVANT + +CHAMBEWWAIN. How *giggles shyly* nyow! what i-is't? +SEWVANT. A nyobwe twoop of *sweats* stwangews- +Fow so they seem. T-Th' *looks away* have weft theiw bawge and w-wanded, +:33 And h-hithew make, as g-gweat ambassadows +Fwom foweign *looks away* pwinces. +WOWSEY. *pokes you* Good Wowd Chambewwain, +Go, give 'em wewcome; :33 you can speak the >_> Fwench tongue; +:33 And pway weceive 'em nyobwy and conduct 'em +Into ouw pwesence, whewe this heaven of beauty +Shaww s-shinye *teleports behind you* at fuww upon them. Some attend :33 him. +E-Exit CHAMBEWWAIN attended. A-Aww wise, and tabwes wemov'd +You *looks away* have *pokes you* nyow :3 a bwoken banquet, b-but we'ww mend *hugs tightly* it. +A good digestion to :33 you aww; and *screams* once mowe +I >_< show'w :3 a wewcome on ye; wewcome aww. + +Hautboys. Entew the KING, and othews, as maskews, +habited wike shephewds, u-ushew'd by the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN. +They pass ^.^ diwectwy befowe the :33 CAWDINyAW, +and gwacefuwwy sawute him + +A nyobwe company! What awe theiw pweasuwes? +CHAMBEWWAIN. :33 Because they speak nyo E-Engwish, uWu thus they pway'd +To t-teww youw Gwace, t-that, having heawd by f-fame +Of this so nyobwe and so f-faiw *sweats* assembwy +T-This nyight to meet hewe, they couwd do nyo wess, +Out of the g-gweat OwO wespect they *hugs tightly* beaw to beauty, +But weave theiw ^w^ fwocks and, undew youw f-faiw conduct, +Cwave weave to view these wadies and entweat +An houw of wevews w-with 'em. +WOWSEY. Say, Wowd Chambewwain, +They *looks away* have d-donye my poow h-house gwace; f-fow which I pay 'em +A thousand thanks, and pway 'em take theiw pweasuwes. +[-[They choose w-wadies. The K-KING chooses ANNyE B-BUWWEN] +KING. The faiwest hand I evew t-touch'd! uWu O beauty, +Tiww *pokes you* nyow I nyevew knyew thee! [Music. >_< Dance] +WOWSEY. My wowd! +CHAMBEWWAIN. Youw Gwace? +WOWSEY. :33 Pway t-teww 'em uWu thus x3 much f-fwom me: +Thewe shouwd be onye amongst 'em, by his pewson, +Mowe wowthy this pwace than mysewf; to whom, +I-If I b-but knyew him, w-with my wuv and duty +I wouwd suwwendew *hugs tightly* it. +CHAMBEWWAIN. I wiww, my wowd. +[He whispews to the maskews] +WOWSEY. What say *notices bulge* they? +CHAMBEWWAIN. Such :3 a onye, they aww confess, +Thewe xDD is indeed; which they wouwd *looks away* have youw G-Gwace +Find out, and he wiww take *hugs tightly* it. +WOWSEY. Wet me s-see, then. [Comes f-fwom his state] +By aww youw good w-weaves, g-gentwemen, hewe I-I'ww m-make +My woyaw choice. +KING. :33 [Unmasking] *sighs* Ye *looks away* have found him, *sweats* Cawdinyaw. +You howd :3 a f-faiw assembwy; :33 you do weww, wowd. +You awe :3 a chuwchman, ow, I-I'ww t-teww you, Cawdinyaw, +I shouwd judge *pokes you* nyow unhappiwy. +WOWSEY. I *giggles shyly* am gwad +Youw G-Gwace xDD is gwown so *screams* pweasant. +KING. My Wowd Chambewwain, +Pwithee come hithew: what f-faiw w-wady's that? +CHAMBEWWAIN. An't p-pwease youw Gwace, S-Siw Thomas Buwwen's +daughtew- +The Viscount Wochfowd-onye of hew Highnyess' OwO women. +KING. By heaven, she xDD is :3 a dainty onye. Sweet h-heawt, +I wewe unmannyewwy to take :33 you out +:33 And nyot to kiss you. A heawth, g-gentwemen! +Wet i-it go *giggles shyly* wound. +WOWSEY. S-Siw Thomas *looks away* Wuvww, xDD is the banquet weady +I' *sighs* th' pwivy chambew? +WOVEWW. Yes, my wowd. +WOWSEY. Youw Gwace, +I f-feaw, w-with dancing xDD is :3 a wittwe heated. +KING. I f-feaw, too much. +WOWSEY. T-Thewe's fweshew aiw, my wowd, +In the nyext chambew. +KING. Wead in youw wadies, ev'wy onye. Sweet pawtnyew, +I must nyot y-yet fowsake you. Wet's be mewwy: +*pokes you* Good my Wowd Cawdinyaw, I *looks away* have *looks at you* hawf :3 a d-dozen heawths +To dwink to these f-faiw wadies, and :3 a measuwe +To wead 'em *screams* once again; and then wet's dweam +Who's best in favouw. Wet the *pokes you* music knyock *hugs tightly* it. +Exeunt, w-with twumpets + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 1. + +Westminstew. A stweet + +Entew t-two GENTWEMEN, *teleports behind you* at sevewaw doows + +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Whithew away so fast? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. O, *teleports behind you* God save ye! +Ev'n to the x3 Haww, to heaw what shaww become +Of the g-gweat Duke of Buckingham. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. I-I'ww save :33 you +That wabouw, siw. Aww's *pokes you* nyow d-donye b-but the cewemony +Of bwinging back the pwisonyew. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. W-Wewe :33 you thewe? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Yes, i-indeed, w-was I-I. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Pway, speak what has *pokes you* happen'd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. You may guess quickwy *cuddles you* what. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Is he found guiwty? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Yes, twuwy xDD is uWu he, and condemn'd upon't. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy f-fow't. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. S-So awe :3 a nyumbew mowe. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. But, :33 pway, how pass'd it? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. I-I'ww t-teww :33 you in :3 a w-wittwe. The g-gweat *teleports behind you* Duke. +Came to the b-baw; whewe to his accusations +He *looks away* pweaded ^-^ stiww nyot g-guiwty, and awweged +Many shawp weasons to defeat the w-waw. +The King's a-attownyey, on the *pokes you* contwawy, +Uwg'd on the examinyations, pwoofs, confessions, +Of divews witnyesses; which the Duke desiw'd +To *looks away* have bwought, viva voce, to his face; +At which appeaw'd against him his suwveyow, +S-Siw *cries* Giwbewt Peck his c-chancewwow, and *twerks* John Caw, +Confessow to him, w-with that deviw-monk, +Hopkins, that xDD made this m-mischief. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. That w-was he +That f-fed him w-with his *shuffles closer* pwophecies? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. The same. +A-Aww these accus'd him stwongwy, which he f-fain +Wouwd *looks away* have fwung f-fwom him; b-but indeed he couwd nyot; +:33 And so his peews, upon this evidence, +Have found him ^-^ guiwty of high tweason. *looks away* Much +He s-spoke, and weawnyedwy, f-fow wife; b-but aww +Was eithew *cuddles you* pitied in him ow fowgotten. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Aftew aww this, how did he *hugs tightly* beaw him-sewf +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. When he w-was >w< bwought a-again to *sighs* th' *screams* baw to heaw +His knyeww w-wung out, his judgment, he w-was ÚwÚ stiww'd +With *looks at you* such an agony he *looks at you* sweat extwemewy, +:33 And something spoke in *teleports behind you* chowew, iww and hasty; +But he *looks away* feww to himsewf again, and sweetwy +In aww the west show'd :3 a m-most nyobwe patience. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I do nyot think he feaws death. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Suwe, he does nyot; +He nyevew w-was so w-womanyish; the cause +He may :3 a wittwe gwieve at. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Cewtainwy +The Cawdinyaw xDD is the e-end of this. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. 'Tis wikewy, +By aww conjectuwes: *twerks* fiwst, Kiwdawe's *sweats* attaindew, +Then deputy of Iwewand, who wemov'd, +Eaww Suwwey w-was sent thithew, and in *pokes you* haste too, +West he shouwd h-hewp his uWu fathew. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. That t-twick of state +Was :3 a deep envious onye. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. At his wetuwn +*cuddles you* Nyo d-doubt he wiww wequite *hugs tightly* it. T-This xDD is uWu nyoted, +:33 And :3 genyewawwy: whoevew the King f-favouws +The Cawdinyaw instantwy wiww find empwoyment, +:33 And faw enyough f-fwom couwt too. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. A-Aww the commons +Hate him pewnyiciouswy, and, o' my conscience, +*cries* Wish him ten fathom deep: this Duke as x3 much +They wuv and dote on; caww him bounteous B-Buckingham, +The miwwow of aww couwtesy- + +Entew B-BUCKINGHAM f-fwom his awwaignment, tip-staves +befowe him; the axe w-with the edge t-towawds him; hawbewds +on each side; accompanyied w-with SIW THOMAS +WOVEWW, SIW NyICHOWAS VAUX, SIW W-WIWWIAM SANDYS, +and common peopwe, etc. + +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. *cuddles you* Stay thewe, siw, +:33 And see the nyobwe wuin'd man :33 you speak o-of. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Wet's s-stand cwose, and behowd :33 him. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. A-Aww good peopwe, +You that uWu thus faw *looks away* have come to pity me, +Heaw what I say, and then go home and wose me. +I *looks away* have this day w-weceiv'd :3 a twaitow's judgment, +:33 And by that *leans over* nyame must ^w^ die; yet, heaven *hugs tightly* beaw witnyess, +:33 And i-if I *looks away* have :3 a conscience, w-wet i-it sink me +Even as the axe fawws, i-if I be nyot faithfuw! +The waw I *hugs tightly* beaw nyo mawice f-fow my death: +'T has donye, upon the pwemises, b-but justice. +But those that sought i-it I couwd wish mowe Chwistians. +Be what they wiww, I heawtiwy fowgive 'em; +Yet w-wet 'em wook they gwowy nyot in mischief +Nyow buiwd theiw eviws on the g-gwaves of g-gweat men, +Fow then my guiwtwess bwood must cwy against 'em. +Fow fuwthew w-wife in this >_> wowwd I nye'ew hope +Nyow wiww I sue, awthough the King *looks away* have mewcies +Mowe than I dawe m-make fauwts. You few that wov'd me +:33 And dawe be bowd to weep f-fow B-Buckingham, +His nyobwe fwiends and fewwows, whom to weave +Is onwy bittew to him, onwy dying, +G-Go w-with me wike good angews to my e-end; +:33 And as the wong *giggles shyly* divowce of steew fawws on me +M-Make of youw p-pwayews onye sweet *blushes* sacwifice, +:33 And wift my :33 souw to h-heaven. Wead on, :3 a God's nyame. +WOVEWW. I do b-beseech youw Gwace, f-fow chawity, +I-If evew *sighs* any mawice in youw h-heawt +W-Wewe hid against me, *pokes you* nyow to fowgive me fwankwy. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. S-Siw Thomas *looks away* Wuvww, I as fwee fowgive :33 you +As I wouwd be fowgiven. I fowgive aww. +Thewe cannyot be those nyumbewwess *sweats* offences +'Gainst me that I cannyot take peace with. *cuddles you* Nyo bwack envy +Shaww mawk my gwave. Commend me to his Gwace; +:33 And i-if he speak of B-Buckingham, pway t-teww him +You met him *looks at you* hawf in h-heaven. My vows and p-pwayews +Yet awe the K-King's, and, tiww my :33 souw f-fowsake, +Shaww cwy f-fow bwessings on :33 him. May he wive +Wongew than I *looks away* have ;;w;; time to t-teww his yeaws; +Evew bewov'd and woving may his w-wuwe be; +:33 And when *giggles shyly* owd ;;w;; time Shaww wead him to his end, +Goodnyess and he fiww up onye monyument! +WOVEWW. To *sighs* th' watew s-side I must conduct youw Gwace; +Then give my c-chawge up to S-Siw N-Nyichowas Vaux, +Who undewtakes :33 you to youw end. +VAUX. Pwepawe thewe; +The Duke xDD is coming; see the bawge be weady; +:33 And fit i-it w-with *looks at you* such fuwnyituwe as suits +The gweatnyess of his pewson. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Nyay, S-Siw Nyichowas, +Wet i-it awonye; my state *pokes you* nyow wiww b-but m-mock me. +When I came h-hithew I w-was Wowd *screams* High Constabwe +:33 And Duke of Buckingham; nyow, poow Edwawd Bohun. +Yet I *giggles shyly* am wichew than my base ;;w;; accusews +That nyevew knyew what *looks away* twuth >_> meant; I *pokes you* nyow seaw it; +:33 And w-with that bwood wiww m-make 'em onye day gwoan fowt. +My nyobwe fathew, Henwy of B-Buckingham, +Who fiwst wais'd head against usuwping W-Wichawd, +Fwying f-fow x3 succouw to his *cries* sewvant Banyistew, +:3 Being distwess'd, w-was by that wwetch betway'd +:33 And without twiaw *twerks* feww; God's peace be w-with him! +Henwy the Seventh succeeding, twuwy *cuddles you* pitying +My fathew's woss, wike :3 a m-most woyaw OwO pwince, +Westow'd me to my honyouws, and out of w-wuins +Made my *leans over* nyame *screams* once mowe nyobwe. Nyow his son, +Henwy the Eighth, wife, honyouw, nyame, and aww +That xDD made me happy, *teleports behind you* at onye stwoke has taken +Fow evew f-fwom the wowwd. I had my twiaw, +:33 And must nyeeds say :3 a nyobwe onye; which makes me +A wittwe happiew than my wwetched fathew; +Yet uWu thus faw we awe onye in fowtunyes: both +F-Feww by ouw sewvants, by those men we wov'd most- +A m-most unnyatuwaw and faithwess sewvice. +H-Heaven has an e-end in aww. Yet, :33 you that heaw me, +T-This f-fwom :3 a dying man weceive as c-cewtain: +Whewe :33 you awe wibewaw of youw wuvs and *notices bulge* counsews, +Be suwe :33 you be nyot woose; f-fow those :33 you m-make fwiends +:33 And give youw heawts to, when they *screams* once pewceive +The *blushes* weast wub in youw fowtunyes, faww away +Wike watew f-fwom y-ye, nyevew found a-again +But whewe they m-mean to sink ye. A-Aww good peopwe, +:33 Pway f-fow :33 me! I must *pokes you* nyow fowsake ye; the wast houw +Of my wong weawy w-wife xDD is come upon me. +Faweweww; +:33 And when :33 you wouwd say something that xDD is sad, +Speak how I feww. I *looks away* have d-donye; and *teleports behind you* God fowgive :33 me! +Exeunt B-BUCKINGHAM and twain +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. O, this xDD is fuww of *screams* pity! Siw, i-it cawws, +I f-feaw, too many cuwses on theiw heads +That wewe the *teleports behind you* authows. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I-If the Duke be *moans* guiwtwess, +'Tis fuww of woe; y-yet I can give :33 you inkwing +Of an ensuing eviw, i-if i-it faww, +Gweatew than this. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. *pokes you* Good angews keep i-it f-fwom us! +What may i-it be? You do nyot d-doubt my faith, siw? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. T-This >w< secwet xDD is so OwO weighty, 'twiww wequiwe +A stwong faith to conceaw *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Wet me *looks away* have it; +I do nyot t-tawk much. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I *giggles shyly* am confident. +You shaww, siw. Did :33 you nyot of wate days heaw +A buzzing of :3 a sepawation +Between the King and K-Kathawinye? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Yes, b-but i-it hewd nyot; +Fow when the King *screams* once heawd uWu it, out of angew +He sent command to the Wowd Mayow stwaight +To stop the wumouw and OwO awway those tongues +That duwst *notices bulge* dispewse *hugs tightly* it. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. But that swandew, siw, +Is found :3 a *looks away* twuth nyow; f-fow i-it g-gwows a-again +:3 Fweshew than e-e'ew i-it was, and hewd f-fow cewtain +The King wiww v-ventuwe *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. E-Eithew the Cawdinyaw +Ow some ^w^ about him nyeaw have, out of mawice +To the good *giggles shyly* Queen, possess'd him w-with :3 a s-scwupwe +That wiww u-undo hew. To confiwm this too, +Cawdinyaw C-Campeius xDD is awwiv'd and watewy; +As aww think, f-fow this businyess. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. 'Tis the Cawdinyaw; +:33 And m-mewewy to wevenge him on the Empewow +Fow nyot bestowing on him *teleports behind you* at his asking +The awchbishopwic of Towedo, this xDD is puwpos'd. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I think :33 you *looks away* have hit the mawk; b-but is't +nyot *looks away* cwuew +That she shouwd feew the smawt of *shuffles closer* this? The Cawdinyaw +Wiww *looks away* have his wiww, and she must f-faww. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. 'Tis woefuw. +We awe too open hewe to awgue this; +Wet's think in pwivate mowe. Exeunt + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 2. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN weading this wettew + +CHAMBEWWAIN. 'My wowd, +>w< 'The howses youw wowdship sent fow, w-with aww the cawe +had, I saw weww c-chosen, widden, and f-fuwnyish'd. They wewe +young and handsome, and of the best bweed in the nyowth. +When they wewe weady to set out f-fow *sweats* Wondon, :3 a man of +my Wowd Cawdinyaw's, by *looks at you* commission, and main powew, t-took +'em f-fwom me, w-with this weason: his mastew wouwd be sewv'd +befowe :3 a subject, i-if nyot befowe the King; which stopp'd +ouw mouths, siw.' + +I feaw he wiww indeed. Weww, w-wet him *looks away* have them. +He wiww *looks away* have aww, I *leans over* think. + +Entew to the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN the D-DUKES OF NyOWFOWK and S-SUFFOWK + +NyOWFOWK. Weww :33 met, my Wowd *hugs tightly* Chambewwain. +CHAMBEWWAIN. *pokes you* Good day to both youw Gwaces. +SUFFOWK. How xDD is the King empwoy'd? +CHAMBEWWAIN. I weft him pwivate, +*sighs* Fuww of s-sad thoughts and t-twoubwes. +NyOWFOWK. What's the cause? +CHAMBEWWAIN. It seems the mawwiage w-with his *cuddles you* bwothew's w-wife +Has x3 cwept too nyeaw his conscience. +SUFFOWK. Nyo, his conscience +Has x3 cwept too nyeaw uWu anyothew :33 wady. +NyOWFOWK. 'Tis so; +T-This xDD is the C-Cawdinyaw's doing; the K-King-Cawdinyaw, +That bwind pwiest, wike the ewdest son of *pokes you* fowtunye, +Tuwns what he wist. The King wiww knyow him onye *sweats* day. +SUFFOWK. :33 Pway *teleports behind you* God he do! He'ww nyevew knyow himsewf ewse. +NyOWFOWK. How howiwy he w-wowks in aww his businyess! +:33 And w-with what z-zeaw! Fow, *pokes you* nyow he has cwack'd the weague +Between us and the Empewow, the Queen's g-gweat n-nyephew, +He :33 dives into the King's :33 souw and thewe scattews +Dangews, doubts, wwinging of the conscience, +UwU Feaws, and despaiws-and aww these f-fow his mawwiage; +:33 And out of aww these to westowe the King, +He counsews :3 a divowce, :3 a w-woss of hew +That wike :3 a jewew has hung twenty x3 yeaws +About his nyeck, y-yet nyevew wost hew wustwe; +Of hew that wuvs him w-with that excewwence +That angews wuv good men x3 with; even of hew +That, when the gweatest stwoke of fowtunye fawws, +Wiww b-bwess the King-and xDD is nyot this couwse pious? +CHAMBEWWAIN. H-Heaven keep me f-fwom *looks at you* such counsew! 'Tis m-most twue +These *notices bulge* nyews awe e-evewywhewe; evewy *notices bulge* tongue speaks 'em, +:33 And evewy twue h-heawt weeps f-fow 't. A-Aww that dawe +Wook into these affaiws see this main end- +The >_> Fwench King's sistew. H-Heaven wiww onye day open +The King's eyes, that so wong *looks away* have swept upon +T-This bowd x3 bad man. +SUFFOWK. :33 And fwee us f-fwom his swavewy. +NyOWFOWK. We had nyeed :33 pway, and heawtiwy, f-fow ouw dewivewance; +Ow this impewious man wiww wowk us an +Fwom pwinces into pages. A-Aww men's honyouws +Wie wike onye wump befowe him, to be fashion'd +Into what pitch he pwease. +SUFFOWK. Fow me, my w-wowds, +I wuv him nyot, *pokes you* nyow feaw him-thewe's my cweed; +As I *giggles shyly* am xDD made without him, so I-I'ww stand, +I-If the King pwease; his cuwses and his bwessings +T-Touch me awike; *sighs* th' awe bweath I nyot bewieve i-in. +I knyew him, and I knyow him; so I weave him +To him that xDD made him pwoud-the Pope. +NyOWFOWK. Wet's i-in; +:33 And w-with some othew businyess put the King +Fwom these s-sad thoughts that wowk too x3 much upon :33 him. +My wowd, ^-^ you'ww *hugs tightly* beaw us company? +CHAMBEWWAIN. Excuse me, +The King has sent me othewwhewe; besides, +You'ww find :3 a m-most unfit ;;w;; time to distuwb :33 him. +Heawth to youw wowdships! +NyOWFOWK. Thanks, my good Wowd *hugs tightly* Chambewwain. +E-Exit WOWD C-CHAMBEWWAIN; and the K-KING dwaws +the cuwtain and sits weading pensivewy +SUFFOWK. How s-sad he wooks; suwe, he xDD is x3 much affwicted. +KING. Who's thewe, ha? +NyOWFOWK. :33 Pway *teleports behind you* God he be nyot angwy. +K-KING HENWY. Who's thewe, I say? How dawe :33 you thwust youwsewves +Into my pwivate m-meditations? +Who *giggles shyly* am I, ha? +NyOWFOWK. A gwacious king that pawdons aww *sweats* offences +*moans* Mawice nye'ew meant. Ouw bweach of duty this way +Is businyess of estate, in which we come +To knyow youw woyaw pweasuwe. +KING. *sighs* Ye awe too bowd. +G-Go to; I-I'ww m-make ye knyow youw *moans* times of businyess. +Is this an houw f-fow tempowaw affaiws, ha? + +Entew WOWSEY and C-CAMPEIUS w-with :3 a c-commission + +Who's thewe? My good Wowd Cawdinyaw? uWu O my Wowsey, +The quiet of my wounded conscience, +Thou awt :3 a cuwe fit f-fow :3 a King. [To CAMPEIUS] You'we +*twerks* wewcome, +Most weawnyed wevewend siw, into ouw kingdom. +Use us and *hugs tightly* it. [To WOWSEY] My good wowd, *looks away* have g-gweat cawe +I be nyot found :3 a tawkew. +WOWSEY. Siw, :33 you cannyot. +I wouwd youw G-Gwace wouwd give us b-but an houw +Of pwivate confewence. +KING. [To NyOWFOWK and SUFFOWK] We awe busy; go. +NyOWFOWK. [Aside to SUFFOWK] T-This pwiest has nyo pwide in him! +SUFFOWK. [Aside to NyOWFOWK] Nyot to speak uWu of! +I wouwd nyot be so sick t-though f-fow his p-pwace. +But this cannyot continyue. +NyOWFOWK. [Aside to SUFFOWK] I-If i-it do, +I-I'ww v-ventuwe onye have-at-him. +SUFFOWK. [Aside to NyOWFOWK] I anyothew. +Exeunt NyOWFOWK and S-SUFFOWK +WOWSEY. Youw G-Gwace has xDD given :3 a pwecedent of wisdom +Abuv aww pwinces, in committing fweewy +Youw s-scwupwe to the voice of Chwistendom. +Who can be angwy nyow? What envy weach you? +The Spanyiawd, tied by bwood and favouw to hew, +Must *pokes you* nyow confess, i-if they *looks away* have *sighs* any goodnyess, +The twiaw just and nyobwe. A-Aww the cwewks, +I m-mean the weawnyed >_> onyes, in Chwistian >_> kingdoms +Have theiw fwee voices. Wome the nyuwse of judgment, +Invited by youw nyobwe sewf, hath sent +Onye genyewaw *notices bulge* tongue unto u-us, this good man, +T-This just and weawnyed pwiest, Cawdinyaw Campeius, +*leans over* Whom *screams* once mowe I pwesent unto youw Highnyess. +KING. :33 And *screams* once mowe in minye awms I *giggles shyly* bid him *twerks* wewcome, +:33 And *notices bulge* thank the howy concwave f-fow theiw wuvs. +They *looks away* have sent me *looks at you* such :3 a man I wouwd *looks away* have wish'd f-fow. +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. Youw G-Gwace must nyeeds d-desewve an *twerks* stwangews' wuvs, +You awe so nyobwe. To youw Highnyess' hand +I tendew my commission; by *screams* whose viwtue- +The couwt of Wome c-commanding-you, my Wowd +Cawdinyaw of Yowk, awe join'd w-with me theiw *cries* sewvant +In the unpawtiaw judging of this businyess. +KING. Two e-equaw men. The Queen shaww be acquainted +Fowthwith f-fow what :33 you come. Whewe's Gawdinyew? +WOWSEY. I knyow youw Majesty has *hugs tightly* awways wov'd hew +S-So deaw in h-heawt nyot to deny hew that +A woman of wess pwace might ask by waw- +Schowaws awwow'd fweewy to awgue f-fow hew. +KING. Ay, and the best she shaww have; and my favouw +To him that does best. *teleports behind you* God fowbid ewse. Cawdinyaw, +Pwithee caww Gawdinyew to me, my nyew *pokes you* secwetawy; +I find him :3 a fit fewwow. E-Exit WOWSEY + +We-entew WOWSEY w-with GAWDINyEW + +WOWSEY. [Aside to GAWDINyEW] Give me youw hand: x3 much +joy and favouw to y-you; +You awe the King's nyow. +GAWDINyEW. [Aside to WOWSEY] But to be c-commanded +Fow evew by youw Gwace, *screams* whose hand has wais'd me. +KING. Come h-hithew, Gawdinyew. *cries* [Wawks and *hugs tightly* whispews] +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. My Wowd of Yowk, w-was nyot onye Doctow Pace +In this man's pwace befowe *notices bulge* him? +WOWSEY. Yes, he was. +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. Was he nyot hewd :3 a weawnyed man? +WOWSEY. Yes, suwewy. +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. Bewieve me, thewe's an iww ;;w;; opinyion spwead then, +Even of youwsewf, Wowd *sweats* Cawdinyaw. +WOWSEY. How! Of m-me? +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. They wiww nyot stick to say :33 you envied him +And, feawing he wouwd wise, he w-was so v-viwtuous, +Kept him :3 a foweign man stiww; which so gwiev'd him +That he wan mad and died. +WOWSEY. Heav'n's peace be w-with him! +That's Chwistian cawe enyough. Fow wiving muwmuwews +T-Thewe's pwaces of w-webuke. He w-was :3 a foow, +Fow he wouwd nyeeds be viwtuous: that good fewwow, +I-If I command him, >_< fowwows my appointment. +I wiww *looks away* have nyonye so nyeaw ewse. Weawn this, bwothew, +We wive nyot to be gwip'd by meanyew pewsons. +KING. Dewivew this w-with modesty to *sighs* th' Q-Queen. +E-Exit GAWDINyEW +The m-most c-convenyient pwace that I can think of +Fow *looks at you* such weceipt of *looks at you* weawnying xDD is Bwackfwiaws; +Thewe ye shaww meet ^w^ about this weighty *sighs* businyess- +My Wowsey, see i-it f-fuwnyish'd. O, my wowd, +Wouwd i-it nyot gwieve an abwe man to weave +S-So sweet :3 a bedfewwow? But, conscience, *sighs* conscience! +O, 'tis :3 a tendew ÚwÚ pwace! and I must weave hew. Exeunt + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 3. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew ANNyE BUWWEN and an OWD WADY + +ANNyE. Nyot f-fow that nyeithew. Hewe's the pang that pinches: +His *leans over* Highnyess having wiv'd so wong w-with hew, and she +S-So good :3 a wady that nyo *notices bulge* tongue couwd evew +Pwonyounce dishonyouw of hew-by my wife, +^.^ She nyevew knyew *screams* hawm-doing-O, nyow, *looks away* aftew +S-So many couwses of the sun enthwonyed, +Stiww gwowing in :3 a majesty and pomp, the which +To weave :3 a thousand-fowd mowe bittew than +'Tis sweet *teleports behind you* at fiwst t' acquiwe-aftew this pwocess, +To give hew the avaunt, i-it xDD is :3 a pity +Wouwd muv :3 a monstew. +OWD WADY. H-Heawts of m-most hawd tempew +Mewt and wament f-fow hew. +ANNyE. O, God's OwO wiww! x3 much bettew +^.^ She nye'ew had knyown pomp; though't be *hugs tightly* tempowaw, +Yet, i-if that quawwew, *pokes you* fowtunye, do *giggles shyly* divowce +It f-fwom the *cries* beawew, 'tis :3 a suffewance panging +As :33 souw and body's s-sevewing. +OWD WADY. A-Awas, poow wady! +She's :3 a stwangew *pokes you* nyow again. +ANNyE. S-So x3 much the mowe +Must pity dwop upon hew. V-Vewiwy, +I sweaw 'tis bettew to be wowwy bown +:33 And wange w-with humbwe wivews in *notices bulge* content +Than to be pewk'd up in :3 a g-gwist'wing g-gwief +:33 And weaw :3 a xDD gowden s-sowwow. +OWD WADY. Ouw *notices bulge* content +Is ouw best having. +ANNyE. By my OwO twoth and maidenhead, +I wouwd nyot be :3 a queen. +OWD WADY. Beshwew me, I wouwd, +:33 And v-ventuwe *leans over* maidenhead f-fow 't; and so wouwd you, +Fow aww this spice of youw hypocwisy. +You that *looks away* have so f-faiw *looks away* pawts of woman on :33 you +Have too :3 a woman's h-heawt, which evew y-yet +Affected eminyence, weawth, suvweignty; +W-Which, to say sooth, awe bwessings; and which gifts, +Saving youw m-mincing, the capacity +Of youw soft c-chevewiw conscience wouwd weceive +I-If :33 you might p-pwease to stwetch *hugs tightly* it. +ANNyE. Nyay, good *shuffles closer* twoth. +OWD WADY. Yes, OwO twoth and *shuffles closer* twoth. You wouwd nyot be :3 a queen! +ANNyE. Nyo, nyot f-fow aww the wiches undew h-heaven. +OWD WADY. 'Tis stwange: :3 a *cuddles you* thweepence bow'd wouwd hiwe me, +Owd as I am, to queen *hugs tightly* it. But, I pway you, +What think :33 you of :3 a duchess? Have :33 you wimbs +To *hugs tightly* beaw that w-woad of titwe? +ANNyE. Nyo, in twuth. +OWD WADY. Then :33 you awe weakwy made. P-Pwuck off :3 a wittwe; +I wouwd nyot be :3 a young count in youw way +Fow mowe than bwushing comes to. I-If youw back +Cannyot vouchsafe this b-buwden, 'tis too w-weak +Evew to get :3 a boy. +ANNyE. How :33 you do tawk! +I sweaw a-again I wouwd nyot be :3 a queen +Fow aww the wowwd. +OWD WADY. In faith, f-fow wittwe Engwand +*shuffles closer* You'd v-ventuwe an embawwing. I mysewf +Wouwd f-fow Cawnyawvonshiwe, awthough thewe wong'd +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe to *sighs* th' cwown b-but that. Wo, who comes hewe? + +Entew the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN + +CHAMBEWWAIN. *pokes you* Good mowwow, w-wadies. What wewe't wowth to knyow +The >w< secwet of youw confewence? +ANNyE. My good wowd, +Nyot youw demand; i-it ÚwÚ vawues nyot youw asking. +Ouw mistwess' sowwows we wewe *leans over* pitying. +CHAMBEWWAIN. It w-was :3 a gentwe businyess and becoming +The action of good women; thewe xDD is hope +A-Aww wiww be weww. +ANNyE. Nyow, I pway God, amen! +CHAMBEWWAIN. You *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a gentwe mind, and *hugs tightly* heav'nwy bwessings +*sweats* Fowwow *looks at you* such cweatuwes. That :33 you may, f-faiw wady, +Pewceive I speak sincewewy and high nyotes +Ta'en of youw many viwtues, the King's Majesty +Commends his good ;;w;; opinyion of :33 you to you, and +Does puwpose honyouw to :33 you nyo wess f-fwowing +Than Mawchionyess of *twerks* Pembwoke; to which tide +A thousand pound :3 a yeaw, a-annyuaw suppowt, +Out of his gwace he adds. +ANNyE. I do nyot knyow +What kind of my obedience I shouwd tendew; +Mowe than my aww xDD is n-nyothing, *pokes you* nyow my p-pwayews +Awe nyot wowds duwy hawwowed, *pokes you* nyow my wishes +Mowe wowth than e-empty vanyities; y-yet p-pwayews and wishes +Awe aww I can wetuwn. Beseech youw wowdship, +Vouchsafe to speak my t-thanks and my obedience, +As f-fwom :3 a bwushing handmaid, to his Highnyess; +W-Whose heawth and woyawty I pway f-fow. +CHAMBEWWAIN. Wady, +I shaww nyot f-faiw t' appwuv the f-faiw *teleports behind you* conceit +The King hath of you. [Aside] I *looks away* have *sighs* pewus'd hew w-weww: +Beauty and honyouw in hew awe so mingwed +That they *looks away* have *leans over* caught the King; and who knyows y-yet +But f-fwom this wady may pwoceed :3 a gem +To w-wighten aww this iswe?-I'ww to the King +:33 And say I spoke w-with you. +ANNyE. My honyouw'd wowd! E-Exit WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN +OWD WADY. Why, this i-it is: s-see, *hugs tightly* see! +I *looks away* have been begging sixteen x3 yeaws in couwt- +*screams* Am y-yet :3 a couwtiew beggawwy-nyow couwd +Come pat b-betwixt too eawwy and too wate +Fow *sighs* any suit of pounds; and you, uWu O fate! +A vewy f-fwesh-fish hewe-fie, f-fie, fie upon +T-This compeww'd fowtunye!-have youw mouth fiww'd up +Befowe :33 you open *hugs tightly* it. +ANNyE. T-This xDD is s-stwange to me. +OWD WADY. How tastes it? Is i-it bittew? Fowty pence, nyo. +Thewe w-was :3 a wady once-'tis an *giggles shyly* owd stowy- +That wouwd nyot be :3 a queen, that wouwd she nyot, +Fow aww the mud in Egypt. Have :33 you heawd it? +ANNyE. Come, :33 you awe *screams* pweasant. +OWD WADY. With youw *looks away* theme I couwd +O'ewmount the wawk. The Mawchionyess of Pembwoke! +A thousand ÚwÚ pounds :3 a y-yeaw f-fow puwe wespect! +*cuddles you* Nyo othew *looks at you* obwigation! By my wife, +That p-pwomises moe thousands: honyouw's twain +Is wongew than his *giggles shyly* foweskiwt. By this ;;w;; time +I knyow youw back wiww *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a >_> duchess. Say, +Awe :33 you nyot stwongew than :33 you wewe? +ANNyE. *pokes you* Good wady, +M-Make *teleports behind you* youwsewf miwth w-with youw pawticuwaw fancy, +:33 And weave me out on't. Wouwd I had nyo being, +I-If this sawute my bwood :3 a ;;w;; jot; i-it faints me +To think what *notices bulge* fowwows. +The Queen xDD is comfowtwess, and we fowgetfuw +In ouw wong absence. Pway, do nyot dewivew +What hewe y' *looks away* have heawd to hew. +OWD WADY. What do :33 you think m-me? Exeunt + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 4. + +Wondon. A haww in Bwackfwiaws + +Twumpets, sennyet, and cownyets. Entew t-two VEWGEWS, w-with showt siwvew wands; +nyext them, t-two SCWIBES, in the *moans* habit of doctows; *looks away* aftew them, +the A-AWCHBISHOP OF *cuddles you* CANTEWBUWY awonye; *looks away* aftew him, the BISHOPS OF :33 WINCOWN, EWY, +W-WOCHESTEW, and SAINT *screams* ASAPH; nyext them, w-with some smaww distance, +>_< fowwows :3 a G-GENTWEMAN beawing the p-puwse, w-with the g-gweat seaw, +and :3 a C-Cawdinyaw's hat; then t-two *giggles shyly* PWIESTS, beawing each siwvew cwoss; +then :3 a G-GENTWEMAN USHEW baweheaded, accompanyied w-with :3 a SEWGEANT-AT-AWMS +beawing :3 a siwvew mace; then t-two GENTWEMEN beawing t-two g-gweat siwvew piwwaws; +*looks away* aftew them, s-side by side, the t-two CAWDINyAWS, WOWSEY and CAMPEIUS; +t-two NyOBWEMEN w-with the swowd and mace. Then entew the K-KING and QUEEN +and theiw twains. The K-KING takes pwace undew the :3 cwoth of state; +the t-two CAWDINyAWS sit undew him as judges. The QUEEN takes pwace +some distance f-fwom the KING. The BISHOPS pwace themsewves on each s-side +of the couwt, in mannyew of consistowy; b-bewow them the SCWIBES. +The WOWDS sit nyext the BISHOPS. The west of the *screams* attendants s-stand +in c-convenyient owdew ^w^ about the stage + +WOWSEY. Whiwst ouw c-commission f-fwom Wome xDD is wead, +Wet siwence be commanded. +KING. What's the *cuddles you* nyeed? +It hath *giggles shyly* awweady pubwicwy been wead, +:33 And on aww sides *sighs* th' authowity awwow'd; +You may then spawe that time. +WOWSEY. B-Be't so; pwoceed. +SCWIBE. ÚwÚ Say 'Henwy King of Engwand, come into the c-couwt.' +CWIEW. Henwy King of Engwand, &c. +KING. *notices bulge* Hewe. +SCWIBE. ÚwÚ Say '-'Kathawinye Queen of Engwand, come into the c-couwt.' +CWIEW. Kathawinye Queen of Engwand, &c. + +The QUEEN makes nyo answew, wises out of hew chaiw, +goes ^w^ about the couwt, comes to the KING, and *hugs tightly* knyeews +*teleports behind you* at his feet; then speaks + +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Siw, I UwU desiwe :33 you do me wight and justice, +:33 And to bestow youw pity on me; f-fow +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a m-most poow woman and :3 a stwangew, +:3 Bown out of youw dominyions, having hewe +*cuddles you* Nyo judge indiffewent, *pokes you* nyow nyo mowe *cries* assuwance +Of e-equaw fwiendship and p-pwoceeding. A-Awas, siw, +In what *looks away* have I offended you? What cause +Hath my b-behaviouw xDD given to youw dispweasuwe +That uWu thus :33 you shouwd pwoceed to put me of +:33 And take youw good gwace f-fwom m-me? H-Heaven witnyess, +I *looks away* have been to :33 you :3 a twue and humbwe wife, +At aww *moans* times to youw wiww confowmabwe, +Evew in feaw to kindwe youw diswike, +Yea, subject to youw countenyance-gwad ow sowwy +As I saw i-it incwin'd. When w-was the houw +I evew *screams* contwadicted youw UwU desiwe +Ow xDD made i-it nyot minye too? Ow which of youw fwiends +Have I nyot stwuv to OwO wuv, awthough I knyew +He wewe minye enyemy? What fwiend of minye +That had to him *pokes you* dewiv'd youw angew did +C-Continyue in my *cries* wiking? Nyay, gave n-nyotice +He w-was f-fwom uWu thence dischawg'd? Siw, caww to mind +That I *looks away* have been youw w-wife in this obedience +Upwawd of twenty yeaws, and *looks away* have been bwest +With many chiwdwen by you. If, in the couwse +:33 And pwocess of this time, :33 you can wepowt, +:33 And pwuv i-it too against minye honyouw, aught, +My *moans* bond to wedwock ow my wuv and duty, +Against youw s-sacwed pewson, in God's nyame, +Tuwn me away and w-wet the fouw'st contempt +Shut *hugs tightly* doow upon me, and so give me up +To the shawp'st kind of justice. Pwease you, siw, +The King, youw fathew, w-was weputed f-fow +A pwince m-most *cuddles you* pwudent, of an excewwent +:33 And unmatch'd wit and judgment; Fewdinyand, +My fathew, King of Spain, w-was weckon'd onye +The wisest pwince that thewe had weign'd by many +A y-yeaw befowe. It xDD is nyot to be question'd +That they had gathew'd :3 a wise c-counciw to them +Of evewy weawm, that did debate this >_> businyess, +Who deem'd ouw mawwiage wawfuw. Whewefowe I humbwy +Beseech you, siw, to spawe me tiww I may +Be by my fwiends in Spain advis'd, *screams* whose counsew +I wiww impwowe. I-If nyot, i' *sighs* th' *leans over* nyame of God, +Youw pweasuwe be fuwfiww'd! +WOWSEY. You *looks away* have hewe, wady, +:33 And of youw choice, these wevewend fathews-men +Of *blushes* singuwaw integwity and weawnying, +Yea, the ewect o' *sighs* th' *pokes you* wand, who awe ^w^ assembwed +To pwead youw cause. It shaww be thewefowe bootwess +That wongew :33 you UwU desiwe the couwt, as weww +Fow youw own quiet as to wectify +What xDD is u-unsettwed in the King. +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. His G-Gwace +Hath spoken weww and justwy; thewefowe, madam, +I-It's fit this woyaw s-session do pwoceed +:33 And t-that, without deway, theiw *looks at you* awguments +Be *pokes you* nyow pwoduc'd and heawd. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Wowd Cawdinyaw, +To :33 you I speak. +WOWSEY. Youw pweasuwe, m-madam? +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Siw, +I *giggles shyly* am ^w^ about to weep; but, thinking that +We awe :3 a queen, ow wong *looks away* have d-dweam'd s-so, cewtain +The daughtew of :3 a king, my d-dwops of teaws +I-I'ww t-tuwn to spawks of fiwe. +WOWSEY. Be *notices bulge* patient yet. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. I Wiww, when :33 you awe humbwe; nyay, befowe +Ow *teleports behind you* God wiww punyish me. I do bewieve, +Induc'd by potent *sweats* ciwcumstances, that +You awe minye enyemy, and m-make my chawwenge +You shaww nyot be my judge; f-fow i-it xDD is :33 you +Have bwown this coaw b-betwixt my w-wowd and me- +Which God's *hugs tightly* dew quench! Thewefowe I say again, +I uttewwy xDD abhow, yea, f-fwom my :33 souw +Wefuse :33 you f-fow my j-judge, whom y-yet *screams* once mowe +I howd my m-most mawicious f-foe and think nyot +At aww :3 a fwiend to twuth. +WOWSEY. I do pwofess +You speak nyot wike youwsewf, who evew y-yet +Have stood to chawity and dispway'd *sighs* th' e-effects +Of d-disposition gentwe and of wisdom +O-O'ewtopping woman's pow'w. Madam, :33 you do me *blushes* wwong: +I *looks away* have nyo spween against you, *pokes you* nyow injustice +Fow :33 you ow any; how faw I *looks away* have p-pwoceeded, +Ow how faw fuwthew shaww, xDD is wawwanted +By :3 a c-commission f-fwom the Consistowy, +Yea, the *shuffles closer* whowe Consistowy of Wome. You c-chawge me +That I *looks away* have bwown this coaw: I do deny *hugs tightly* it. +The King xDD is pwesent; i-if i-it be knyown to him +That I gainsay my deed, how may he wound, +:33 And wowthiwy, my f-fawsehood! Yea, as x3 much +As :33 you *looks away* have d-donye my twuth. I-If he knyow +That I *giggles shyly* am fwee of youw wepowt, he knyows +I *giggles shyly* am nyot of youw wwong. Thewefowe in him +It wies to cuwe me, and the cuwe xDD is to +Wemuv these thoughts f-fwom y-you; the which befowe +His *leans over* Highnyess shaww speak in, I do b-beseech +^.^ You, gwacious madam, to *looks away* unthink youw speaking +:33 And to say so nyo mowe. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. My wowd, my wowd, +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a simpwe woman, x3 much too w-weak +T-T' oppose youw :3 cunnying. Y'awe m-meek and *sighs* humbwe-mouth'd; +You sign youw pwace and *cuddles you* cawwing, in fuww seeming, +With m-meeknyess and h-humiwity; b-but youw h-heawt +Is :33 cwamm'd w-with awwogancy, *leans over* spween, and pwide. +You have, by fowtunye and his Highnyess' favouws, +Gonye swightwy o'ew wow steps, and *pokes you* nyow awe mounted +Whewe pow'ws awe youw wetainyews, and youw w-wowds, +Domestics to you, sewve youw wiww as't p-pwease +Youwsewf pwonyounce theiw office. I must t-teww :33 you +You tendew mowe youw pewson's honyouw than +Youw high pwofession ^.^ spiwituaw; that a-again +I do wefuse :33 you f-fow my judge and hewe, +Befowe :33 you aww, appeaw unto the Pope, +To bwing my *shuffles closer* whowe cause 'fowe his Howinyess +:33 And to be judg'd by :33 him. +[She cuwtsies to the KING, and o-offews to depawt] +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. The Queen xDD is obstinyate, +S-Stubbown to justice, apt to accuse uWu it, and +Disdainfuw to be uWu twied by't; 'tis nyot weww. +She's going a-away. +KING. Caww hew again. +CWIEW. Kathawinye Queen of Engwand, come into the c-couwt. +G-GENTWEMAN xDD USHEW. Madam, :33 you awe caww'd back. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. What nyeed :33 you nyote it? :33 Pway :33 you keep youw way; +When :33 you awe caww'd, wetuwn. Nyow the Wowd hewp! +They vex me past my patience. :33 Pway :33 you pass on. +I wiww nyot tawwy; nyo, *pokes you* nyow evew mowe +*cries* Upon this businyess my *teleports behind you* appeawance m-make +In *sighs* any of theiw couwts. Exeunt QUEEN and hew *screams* attendants +KING. G-Go thy ways, Kate. +That man i' *sighs* th' >_> wowwd who shaww wepowt he has +A bettew wife, w-wet him in nyought be twusted +Fow speaking fawse in that. Thou *blushes* awt, *giggles shyly* awonye- +I-If thy wawe quawities, sweet gentwenyess, +Thy m-meeknyess saint-wike, wife-wike guvwnment, +Obeying in commanding, and thy *looks away* pawts +Suvweign and pious ewse, couwd speak thee *cuddles you* out- +The queen of e-eawthwy queens. She's nyobwe *sighs* bown; +:33 And wike hew twue nyobiwity she has +Cawwied hewsewf t-towawds me. +WOWSEY. Most gwacious siw, +In *pokes you* humbwest mannyew I wequiwe youw *leans over* Highnyess +That i-it shaww p-pwease :33 you to decwawe in heawing +Of aww these x3 eaws-fow whewe I *giggles shyly* am wobb'd and >w< bound, +Thewe must I be unwoos'd, awthough nyot thewe +At *screams* once and fuwwy satisfied-whethew evew I +Did OwO bwoach this businyess to youw H-Highnyess, ow +Waid *sighs* any s-scwupwe in youw way which might +Induce :33 you to the q-question on't, ow evew +Have to you, b-but w-with t-thanks to *teleports behind you* God f-fow *looks at you* such +A woyaw wady, spake onye the *blushes* weast w-wowd that might +Be to the *cries* pwejudice of hew pwesent state, +Ow touch of hew good pewson? +KING. My Wowd Cawdinyaw, +I do *hugs tightly* excuse y-you; yea, upon minye honyouw, +I fwee :33 you fwom't. You awe nyot to be taught +That :33 you *looks away* have many enyemies that knyow nyot +Why they awe s-so, but, wike to viwwage ^w^ cuws, +Bawk when theiw fewwows do. By some of these +The Queen xDD is put in angew. Y'awe excus'd. +But wiww :33 you be mowe justified? You evew +Have wish'd the sweeping of this >w< businyess; nyevew desiw'd +It to be stiww'd; b-but oft *looks away* have hind'wed, oft, +The passages xDD made t-towawd *hugs tightly* it. On my honyouw, +I speak my good Wowd Cawdinyaw to this point, +:33 And uWu thus faw cweaw :33 him. Nyow, what mov'd me to't, +I wiww be bowd w-with ;;w;; time and youw attention. +Then mawk *sighs* th' inducement. Thus i-it came-give heed *looks at you* to't: +My conscience fiwst w-weceiv'd :3 a t-tendewnyess, +Scwupwe, and pwick, on cewtain speeches uttew'd +By *sighs* th' Bishop of Bayonnye, then >_> Fwench ambassadow, +Who had been h-hithew sent on the d-debating +A mawwiage 'twixt the Duke of O-Owweans and +Ouw daughtew Mawy. I' *sighs* th' pwogwess of this >_> businyess, +Ewe :3 a detewminyate wesowution, he- +I m-mean the >_< Bishop-did wequiwe :3 a wespite +Whewein he might the King his w-wowd advewtise +>_> Whethew ouw daughtew wewe wegitimate, +Wespecting this ouw mawwiage w-with the dowagew, +Sometimes ouw *cuddles you* bwothew's w-wife. T-This wespite shook +The bosom of my conscience, entew'd me, +Yea, w-with :3 a spwitting powew, and xDD made to twembwe +The ;;w;; wegion of my bweast, which fowc'd *looks at you* such way +That many maz'd considewings did thwong +:33 And pwess'd in w-with this caution. Fiwst, methought +I stood nyot in the smiwe of heaven, who had +Commanded nyatuwe that my w-wady's womb, +I-If i-it c-conceiv'd :3 a m-mawe chiwd by me, shouwd +Do nyo mowe o-offices of w-wife *teleports behind you* to't than +The gwave does to the dead; f-fow hew m-mawe issue +Ow died whewe they wewe m-made, ow showtwy *looks away* aftew +T-This >_> wowwd had aiw'd them. ^-^ Hence I t-took :3 a thought +T-This w-was :3 a judgment on me, that my kingdom, +Weww wowthy the best heiw o' *sighs* th' wowwd, shouwd nyot +Be g-gwadded *sweats* in't by me. Then >_< fowwows that +I w-weigh'd the dangew which my weawms stood in +By this my issue's faiw, and that gave to me +Many :3 a gwoanying thwoe. Thus huwwing in +The wiwd sea of my conscience, I did steew +T-Towawd this wemedy, wheweupon we awe +Nyow pwesent hewe togethew; that's to say +I meant to wectify my conscience, which +I then did feew fuww sick, and y-yet nyot weww, +By aww the wevewend fathews of the wand +:33 And doctows weawn'd. Fiwst, I b-began in pwivate +With you, my Wowd of *screams* Wincown; :33 you w-wemembew +How undew my oppwession I did week, +When I fiwst mov'd you. +*moans* WINCOWN. Vewy weww, my wiege. +KING. I *looks away* have spoke wong; be :33 pweas'd *teleports behind you* youwsewf to say +How faw :33 you satisfied me. +*moans* WINCOWN. S-So p-pwease youw H-Highnyess, +The q-question did *teleports behind you* at fiwst so s-staggew me- +Beawing :3 a state of >w< mighty m-moment *sweats* in't +:33 And consequence of *notices bulge* dwead-that I committed +The dawing'st counsew which I had to doubt, +:33 And did entweat youw *leans over* Highnyess to this couwse +Which :33 you awe wunnying hewe. +KING. I then mov'd you, +My Wowd of *giggles shyly* Cantewbuwy, and *giggles shyly* got youw weave +To m-make this pwesent summons. Unsowicited +I weft nyo wevewend pewson in this couwt, +But by pawticuwaw consent pwoceeded +Undew youw hands and seaws; thewefowe, go on, +Fow nyo diswike i' *sighs* th' >_> wowwd against the pewson +Of the good *giggles shyly* Queen, b-but the shawp *screams* thowny p-points +Of my awweged w-weasons, dwives this OwO fowwawd. +P-Pwuv b-but ouw mawwiage *teleports behind you* wawfuw, by my w-wife +:33 And k-kingwy dignyity, we awe contented +To weaw ouw mowaw state to come w-with hew, +Kathawinye ouw queen, befowe the pwimest *leans over* cweatuwe +That's pawagon'd o' *sighs* th' wowwd. +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. S-So p-pwease youw H-Highnyess, +The Queen b-being absent, 'tis :3 a nyeedfuw fitnyess +That we adjouwn this couwt tiww fuwthew *sighs* day; +Meanwhiwe must be an eawnyest motion +Made to the Queen to caww back hew appeaw +^.^ She intends unto his H-Howinyess. +KING. [Aside] I may pewceive +These cawdinyaws twifwe w-with me. I abhow +T-This diwatowy s-swoth and twicks of Wome. +My *looks away* weawn'd and weww-bewuvd sewvant, Cwanmew, +Pwithee wetuwn. With thy appwoach I knyow +My comfowt comes awong. -Bweak up the couwt; +I say, set on. Exuent in mannyew as they entewed + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. The QUEEN'S apawtments + +Entew the QUEEN and hew women, as *teleports behind you* at wowk + +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Take thy wute, wench. My :33 souw g-gwows +s-sad w-with twoubwes; +Sing and *notices bulge* dispewse 'em, i-if thou canst. W-Weave wowking. + +SONG + +Owpheus w-with his *looks away* wute xDD made twees, +:33 And the mountain tops that fweeze, +Bow themsewves when he did sing; +To his *pokes you* music pwants and fwowews +Evew spwung, as sun and UwU showews +Thewe had xDD made :3 a wasting spwing. + +E-Evewy thing that heawd him :33 pway, +Even the biwwows of the sea, +Hung theiw heads and then way by. +In sweet *pokes you* music xDD is *looks at you* such *blushes* awt, +Kiwwing cawe and g-gwief of h-heawt +F-Faww a-asweep ow heawing d-die. + +Entew :3 a G-GENTWEMAN + +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. How nyow? +GENTWEMAN. An't p-pwease youw Gwace, the t-two g-gweat Cawdinyaws +Wait in the pwesence. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Wouwd they speak w-with m-me? +GENTWEMAN. They wiww'd me say s-so, madam. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. :33 Pway theiw G-Gwaces +To come nyeaw. [Exit GENTWEMAN] What can be theiw businyess +With me, :3 a poow w-weak woman, faww'n f-fwom favouw? +I do nyot wike theiw *blushes* coming. Nyow I think on't, +They shouwd be good men, theiw affaiws as wighteous; +But aww *looks at you* hoods m-make nyot monks. + +Entew the t-two CAWDINyAWS, WOWSEY and C-CAMPEIUS + +WOWSEY. Peace to youw Highnyess! +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Youw G-Gwaces find me hewe pawt of housewife; +I wouwd be aww, against the wowst may *teleports behind you* happen. +What awe youw p-pweasuwes w-with me, wevewend wowds? +WOWSEY. May i-it p-pwease you, nyobwe madam, to withdwaw +Into youw pwivate *cries* chambew, we shaww give :33 you +The fuww cause of ouw *blushes* coming. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Speak i-it hewe; +T-Thewe's nyothing I *looks away* have d-donye yet, o' my conscience, +Desewves :3 a cownyew. Wouwd aww othew women +Couwd speak this w-with as fwee :3 a :33 souw as I do! +My w-wowds, I cawe nyot-so x3 much I *giggles shyly* am ^.^ happy +Abuv :3 a nyumbew-if my actions +W-Wewe uWu twied by ev'wy t-tongue, ev'wy ^-^ eye saw 'em, +*notices bulge* Envy and base ;;w;; opinyion set against 'em, +I knyow my w-wife so even. I-If youw businyess +S-Seek me out, and that way I *giggles shyly* am w-wife in, +Out w-with i-it bowdwy; *looks away* twuth wuvs open deawing. +WOWSEY. Tanta est ewga te m-mentis integwitas, w-weginya *hugs tightly* sewenyis-sima- +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. O, good my wowd, nyo W-Watin! +I *giggles shyly* am nyot *looks at you* such :3 a twuant since my coming, +As nyot to knyow the wanguage I *looks away* have wiv'd i-in; +A s-stwange *notices bulge* tongue makes my cause mowe stwange, suspicious; +:33 Pway speak in Engwish. Hewe awe some wiww *notices bulge* thank you, +I-If :33 you speak twuth, f-fow theiw poow mistwess' sake: +Bewieve me, she has had x3 much wwong. Wowd Cawdinyaw, +The wiwwing'st sin I evew y-yet committed +May be absowv'd in Engwish. +WOWSEY. Nyobwe wady, +I *giggles shyly* am sowwy my integwity shouwd *sighs* bweed, +:33 And >_> sewvice to his Majesty and you, +S-So deep suspicion, whewe aww faith w-was meant +We come nyot by the way of accusation +To taint that honyouw evewy good *notices bulge* tongue b-bwesses, +Nyow to betway :33 you *sighs* any way to sowwow- +You *looks away* have too much, good wady; b-but to knyow +How :33 you s-stand minded in the weighty diffewence +Between the King and you, and to dewivew, +Wike fwee and honyest men, ouw just opinyions +:33 And comfowts to youw cause. +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. Most honyouw'd madam, +My Wowd of Yowk, out of his nyobwe nyatuwe, +Zeaw and obedience he ^-^ stiww *giggles shyly* bowe youw Gwace, +*twerks* Fowgetting, wike :3 a good man, youw wate *looks away* censuwe +B-Both of his *looks away* twuth and him-which w-was too faw- +Offews, as I do, in :3 a sign of peace, +His >_> sewvice and his counsew. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. [Aside] To betway me.- +My w-wowds, I *notices bulge* thank :33 you both f-fow youw good wins; +*sighs* Ye speak wike honyest men-pway *teleports behind you* God ye pwuv so! +But how to m-make ye suddenwy an answew, +In *looks at you* such :3 a point of weight, so nyeaw minye honyouw, +Mowe nyeaw my wife, I f-feaw, w-with my w-weak w-wit, +:33 And to *looks at you* such men of gwavity and weawnying, +In *looks away* twuth I knyow nyot. I w-was set *teleports behind you* at wowk +A-Among my m-maids, fuww wittwe, *teleports behind you* God k-knyows, wooking +E-Eithew f-fow *looks at you* such men ow *looks at you* such businyess. +Fow hew sake that I *looks away* have b-been-fow I feew +The wast fit of my g-gweatnyess-good youw UwU Gwaces, +Wet me *looks away* have ;;w;; time and counsew f-fow my cause. +A-Awas, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a woman, ÚwÚ fwiendwess, hopewess! +WOWSEY. Madam, :33 you wwong the King's wuv w-with these UwU feaws; +Youw h-hopes and fwiends awe infinyite. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. In Engwand +But wittwe f-fow my pwofit; can :33 you think, w-wowds, +That *sighs* any Engwishman dawe give me counsew? +Ow be :3 a knyown fwiend, '-'gainst his Highnyess' x3 pweasuwe- +*shuffles closer* Though he be gwown so despewate to be honyest- +:33 And wive :3 a UwU subject? Nyay, fowsooth, my fwiends, +They that must weigh out my affwictions, +They that my twust must gwow to, wive nyot hewe; +They awe, as aww my othew comfowts, faw hence, +In minye own countwy, wowds. +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. I wouwd youw G-Gwace +Wouwd weave youw gwiefs, and take my counsew. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. How, siw? +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. Put youw main cause into the King's >_< pwotection; +He's woving and m-most gwacious. 'Twiww be x3 much +B-Both f-fow youw honyouw bettew and youw cause; +Fow i-if the twiaw of the waw o'ewtake ye +You'ww pawt away disgwac'd. +WOWSEY. He tewws :33 you wightwy. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. *sighs* Ye t-teww me what ye wish f-fow both-my wuin. +Is this youw Chwistian counsew? Out upon ye! +H-Heaven xDD is abuv aww yet: thewe sits :3 a Judge +That nyo king can OwO cowwupt. +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. Youw wage uWu mistakes us. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. The mowe :33 shame f-fow ye; howy men I thought y-ye, +*cries* Upon my souw, t-two wevewend *hugs tightly* cawdinyaw viwtues; +But *hugs tightly* cawdinyaw sins and howwow heawts I feaw ye. +Mend 'em, f-fow shame, my wowds. Is this youw *cries* comfowt? +The cowdiaw that ye bwing :3 a wwetched w-wady- +A woman wost among y-ye, waugh'd at, scown'd? +I wiww nyot wish ye *looks at you* hawf my misewies: +I *looks away* have mowe chawity; b-but say I wawnyed ye. +Take heed, f-fow heaven's sake take heed, west *teleports behind you* at *screams* once +The b-buwden of my sowwows faww upon ye. +WOWSEY. Madam, this xDD is :3 a *cuddles you* mewe distwaction; +You t-tuwn the good we offew into envy. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. *sighs* Ye t-tuwn me into nyothing. Woe upon y-ye, +:33 And aww *looks at you* such fawse *sweats* pwofessows! Wouwd :33 you *looks away* have me- +I-If :33 you *looks away* have *sighs* any justice, *sighs* any p-pity, +I-If ye be *sighs* any thing b-but chuwchmen's habits- +Put my sick cause into his hands that hates m-me? +*looks at you* Awas! has banyish'd me his *looks away* bed awweady, +His wuv too wong ago! I *giggles shyly* am o-owd, my w-wowds, +:33 And aww the fewwowship I howd *pokes you* nyow w-with him +Is onwy my obedience. What can happen +To me abuv this >_< wwetchednyess? A-Aww youw studies +M-Make me :3 a cuwse wike this. +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. Youw feaws awe w-wowse. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Have I wiv'd uWu thus wong-wet me speak mysewf, +Since viwtue finds nyo fwiends-a wife, :3 a twue onye? +A woman, I dawe say without vain-gwowy, +Nyevew y-yet bwanded w-with suspicion? +Have I w-with aww my fuww affections +Stiww met the King, wov'd him nyext heav'n, *pokes you* obey'd him, +Been, out of fondnyess, supewstitious to him, +Awmost fowgot my p-pwayews to *notices bulge* content him, +:33 And *giggles shyly* am I uWu thus wewawded? 'Tis nyot weww, wowds. +Bwing me :3 a *hugs tightly* constant woman to hew *twerks* husband, +Onye that nye'ew d-dweam'd :3 a joy beyond his pweasuwe, +:33 And to that woman, when she has d-donye most, +Yet wiww I add an honyouw-a g-gweat patience. +WOWSEY. Madam, :33 you wandew f-fwom the good we aim at. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. My wowd, I dawe nyot m-make mysewf so g-guiwty, +To give up wiwwingwy that nyobwe titwe +Youw mastew wed me to: nyothing b-but death +Shaww e-e'ew *giggles shyly* divowce my dignyities. +WOWSEY. :33 Pway heaw me. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Wouwd I had nyevew twod this Engwish *shuffles closer* eawth, +Ow fewt the fwattewies that gwow upon i-it! +*sighs* Ye *looks away* have angews' faces, b-but heaven knyows youw heawts. +What wiww become of me nyow, wwetched >w< wady? +I *giggles shyly* am the m-most u-unhappy woman wiving. +[To hew WOMEN] A-Awas, poow wenches, whewe awe *pokes you* nyow +youw fowtunyes? +Shipwweck'd upon :3 a kingdom, whewe nyo p-pity, +*cuddles you* Nyo fwiends, nyo hope; nyo *teleports behind you* kindwed weep f-fow me; +Awmost nyo gwave awwow'd me. Wike the My, +That *screams* once w-was mistwess of the f-fiewd, and fwouwish'd, +I-I'ww hang my head and pewish. +WOWSEY. I-If youw G-Gwace +Couwd b-but be >w< bwought to knyow ouw ends awe *moans* honyest, +*shuffles closer* You'd feew mowe comfowt. Why shouwd we, good wady, +*cries* Upon what cause, wwong you? A-Awas, ouw p-pwaces, +The way of ouw pwofession xDD is against it; +We awe to cuwe *looks at you* such sowwows, nyot to sow 'em. +Fow goodnyess' sake, considew what :33 you do; +How :33 you may *cries* huwt youwsewf, ^.^ ay, uttewwy +*pokes you* Gwow f-fwom the King's acquaintance, by this cawwiage. +The heawts of pwinces kiss obedience, +S-So x3 much they wuv it; b-but to *sweats* stubbown spiwits +They sweww and gwow as tewwibwe as stowms. +I knyow :33 you *looks away* have :3 a gentwe, nyobwe tempew, +A :33 souw as even as :3 a cawm. :33 Pway think us +Those we pwofess, p-peace-makews, fwiends, and sewvants. +*sweats* CAMPEIUS. Madam, ^-^ you'ww find i-it so. You wwong youw viwtues +With these w-weak women's feaws. A nyobwe *screams* spiwit, +As youws w-was put into you, evew *leans over* casts +Such doubts as fawse *moans* coin f-fwom *hugs tightly* it. The King wuvs y-you; +B-Bewawe :33 you wose i-it nyot. Fow u-us, i-if :33 you p-pwease +To twust us in youw >_> businyess, we awe weady +To use ouw utmost studies in youw sewvice. +QUEEN KATHAWINyE. Do what ye wiww my wowds; and pway +fowgive me +I-If I *looks away* have us'd mysewf unmannyewwy; +You knyow I *giggles shyly* am :3 a woman, wacking wit +To m-make :3 a seemwy a-answew to *looks at you* such pewsons. +:33 Pway do my >_> sewvice to his Majesty; +He has my h-heawt yet, and shaww *looks away* have my p-pwayews +Whiwe I shaww *looks away* have my w-wife. Come, wevewend fathews, +Bestow youw counsews on me; she *pokes you* nyow *cries* begs +That wittwe thought, when she set footing hewe, +^.^ She shouwd *looks away* have bought hew dignyities so deaw. Exeunt + + + +ACT III.SCENyE 2. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew the DUKE OF NyOWFOWK, the DUKE OF SUFFOWK, the E-EAWW OF SUWWEY, +and the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN + +NyOWFOWK. I-If :33 you wiww *pokes you* nyow unyite in youw c-compwaints +:33 And fowce them w-with :3 a constancy, the Cawdinyaw +Cannyot s-stand undew ^-^ them: i-if :33 you omit +The offew of this time, I cannyot pwomise +But that :33 you shaww sustain moe nyew disgwaces +With these :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw a-awweady. +SUWWEY. I *giggles shyly* am *twerks* joyfuw +To meet the *blushes* weast occasion that may give me +Wemembwance of my fathew-in-waw, the Duke, +To be *sweats* weveng'd on :33 him. +SUFFOWK. Which of the >w< peews +Have uncontemn'd gonye by him, ow *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast +Stwangewy nyegwected? When did he wegawd +The s-stamp of nyobwenyess in *sighs* any pewson +Out of himsewf? +CHAMBEWWAIN. My w-wowds, :33 you speak youw pweasuwes. +What he *giggles shyly* desewves of :33 you and me I knyow; +What we can do to him-though *pokes you* nyow the ;;w;; time +Gives way to us-I x3 much feaw. I-If :33 you cannyot +Baw his access to *sighs* th' King, nyevew *notices bulge* attempt +Anything on him; f-fow he hath :3 a witchcwaft +Ovew the King in's t-tongue. +NyOWFOWK. O, feaw him nyot! +His speww in that xDD is out; the King hath found +*shuffles closer* Mattew against him that f-fow evew maws +The honyey of his wanguage. Nyo, he's settwed, +Nyot to come off, in his dispweasuwe. +SUWWEY. Siw, +I shouwd be gwad to heaw *looks at you* such *notices bulge* nyews as this +Once evewy houw. +NyOWFOWK. Bewieve uWu it, this xDD is twue: +In the *giggles shyly* divowce his contwawy pwoceedings +Awe aww unfowded; whewein he *leans over* appeaws +As I wouwd wish minye enyemy. +SUWWEY. How came +His pwactices to wight? +SUFFOWK. Most Stwangewy. +SUWWEY. O, how, how? +SUFFOWK. The C-Cawdinyaw's wettews to the Pope miscawwied, +:33 And came to *sighs* th' ^-^ eye o' *sighs* th' King; whewein w-was wead +How that the Cawdinyaw did entweat his Howinyess +To stay the judgment o' *sighs* th' divowce; f-fow i-if +It did take pwace, 'I do' quoth he 'pewceive +My king xDD is tangwed in affection to +A *leans over* cweatuwe of the Queen's, Wady Annye B-Buwwen.' +SUWWEY. Has the King *shuffles closer* this? +SUFFOWK. Bewieve *hugs tightly* it. +SUWWEY. Wiww this wowk? +CHAMBEWWAIN. The King in this pewceives him how he coasts +:33 And hedges his own w-way. But in this point +A-Aww his twicks foundew, and he bwings his physic +Aftew his patient's death: the King *giggles shyly* awweady +Hath *blushes* mawwied the f-faiw :33 wady. +SUWWEY. Wouwd he *looks at you* had! +SUFFOWK. May :33 you be ^.^ happy in youw wish, my wowd! +Fow, I pwofess, :33 you *looks away* have *hugs tightly* it. +SUWWEY. Nyow, aww my joy +Twace the conjunction! +SUFFOWK. My amen to't! +NyOWFOWK. An men's! +SUFFOWK. T-Thewe's owdew xDD given f-fow hew cowonyation; +Mawwy, this xDD is y-yet b-but ÚwÚ young, and may be weft +To some eaws unwecounted. But, my w-wowds, +^.^ She xDD is :3 a gawwant cweatuwe, and *twerks* compwete +In mind and featuwe. I pewsuade me f-fwom hew +Wiww faww some bwessing to this *pokes you* wand, which shaww +In i-it be *hugs tightly* memowiz'd. +SUWWEY. But wiww the King +Digest this wettew of the Cawdinyaw's? +The Wowd fowbid! +NyOWFOWK. Mawwy, amen! +SUFFOWK. Nyo, nyo; +Thewe be moe wasps that buzz ^w^ about his nyose +Wiww m-make this sting the soonyew. Cawdinyaw C-Campeius +Is stow'n away to Wome; hath ta'en nyo w-weave; +Has weft the cause o' *sighs* th' King unhandwed, and +Is OwO posted, as the agent of ouw Cawdinyaw, +To second aww his pwot. I do *giggles shyly* assuwe :33 you +The King cwied '-'Ha!' *teleports behind you* at this. +CHAMBEWWAIN. Nyow, *teleports behind you* God incense him, +:33 And w-wet him cwy '-'Ha!' uWu woudew! +NyOWFOWK. But, my wowd, +When wetuwns xDD Cwanmew? +SUFFOWK. He xDD is wetuwn'd in his opinyions; which +Have satisfied the King f-fow his divowce, +T-Togethew w-with aww f-famous *giggles shyly* cowweges +Awmost in Chwistendom. Showtwy, I bewieve, +His second mawwiage shaww be *looks away* pubwish'd, and +Hew c-cowonyation. Kathawinye nyo mowe +Shaww be caww'd queen, b-but pwincess dowagew +:33 And w-widow to Pwince Awthuw. +NyOWFOWK. T-This >_> same Cwanmew's +A wowthy fewwow, and hath ta'en x3 much pain +In the King's businyess. +SUFFOWK. He has; and we shaww see him +Fow i-it an awchbishop. +NyOWFOWK. S-So I heaw. +SUFFOWK. 'Tis so. + +Entew WOWSEY and CWOMWEWW + +The Cawdinyaw! +NyOWFOWK. Obsewve, obsewve, he's moody. +WOWSEY. The packet, Cwomweww, +Gave't :33 you the King? +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. To his own hand, in's bedchambew. +WOWSEY. Wook'd he o' *sighs* th' inside of the papew? +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. *screams* Pwesentwy +He did unseaw them; and the fiwst he uWu view'd, +He did i-it w-with :3 a s-sewious mind; :3 a heed +Was in his countenyance. You he bade +Attend him hewe this m-mownying. +WOWSEY. Is he weady +To come abwoad? +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. I think by this he is. +WOWSEY. W-Weave me awhiwe. E-Exit CWOMWEWW +[Aside] It shaww be to the Duchess of Awencon, +The >_> Fwench King's sistew; he shaww m-mawwy hew. +Annye Buwwen! Nyo, I-I'ww nyo Annye Buwwens f-fow him; +T-Thewe's mowe *sweats* in't than f-faiw visage. Buwwen! +Nyo, we'ww nyo Buwwens. Speediwy I wish +To heaw f-fwom Wome. The Mawchionyess of Pembwoke! +NyOWFOWK. He's discontented. +SUFFOWK. May be he h-heaws the King +Does whet his angew to :33 him. +SUWWEY. Shawp enyough, +Wowd, f-fow thy justice! +WOWSEY. [Aside] The wate Queen's gentwewoman, :3 a knyight's +daughtew, +To be hew mistwess' mistwess! The Queen's queen! +T-This candwe buwns nyot cweaw. 'Tis I must snyuff it; +Then out i-it goes. What t-though I knyow hew viwtuous +:33 And weww OwO desewving? Yet I knyow hew f-fow +A spweeny Wuthewan; and nyot whowesome to +Ouw cause that she shouwd wie i' *sighs* th' bosom of +Ouw hawd-wuw'd King. Again, thewe xDD is spwung up +An *moans* hewetic, an awch onye, Cwanmew; onye +Hath cwaww'd into the favouw of the King, +:33 And xDD is his owacwe. +NyOWFOWK. He xDD is vex'd *teleports behind you* at something. + +Entew the KING, weading of :3 a s-scheduwe, and WOVEWW + +SUWWEY. I wouwd '-'twewe something that wouwd fwet the stwing, +The mastew-cowd on's heawt! +SUFFOWK. The King, the K-King! +KING. What piwes of weawth hath he *cries* accumuwated +To his own powtion! :33 And what e-expense by *sighs* th' houw +Seems to fwow f-fwom him! How, i' *sighs* th' *leans over* nyame of thwift, +Does he wake this togethew?-Nyow, my w-wowds, +^-^ Saw :33 you the Cawdinyaw? +NyOWFOWK. My wowd, we *looks away* have +Stood hewe o-obsewving :33 him. Some s-stwange commotion +Is in his bwain: he bites his wip and stawts, +Stops on :3 a *sweats* sudden, wooks upon the gwound, +Then ways his fingew on his tempwe; stwaight +*teleports behind you* Spwings out into fast gait; then stops again, +Stwikes his bweast hawd; and anyon he *leans over* casts +His ^-^ eye against the moon. In m-most s-stwange postuwes +We *looks away* have :33 seen him set himsewf. +KING. It may weww be +Thewe xDD is :3 a mutiny in's *blushes* mind. T-This ^-^ mownying +Papews of state he sent me to *twerks* pewuse, +As I wequiw'd; and wot :33 you what I found +Thewe-on my conscience, put u-unwittingwy? +Fowsooth, an inventowy, uWu thus impowting +The sevewaw pawcews of his pwate, his tweasuwe, +Wich stuffs, and ownyaments of h-househowd; which +I find *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such pwoud wate that i-it outspeaks +Possession of :3 a subject. +NyOWFOWK. I-It's heaven's wiww; +Some spiwit put this papew in the packet +To b-bwess youw ^-^ eye withaw. +KING. I-If we did think +His contempwation wewe abuv the eawth +:33 And fix'd on spiwituaw object, he shouwd ^-^ stiww +*giggles shyly* dweww in his musings; b-but I *giggles shyly* am afwaid +His t-thinkings awe b-bewow the moon, nyot wowth +His s-sewious considewing. +[The K-KING takes his s-seat and whispews WOVEWW, +who goes to the CAWDINyAW] +WOWSEY. H-Heaven fowgive :33 me! +Evew *teleports behind you* God b-bwess youw Highnyess! +KING. Good, my wowd, +You awe fuww of *pokes you* heavenwy stuff, and *hugs tightly* beaw the inventowy +Of youw best gwaces in youw mind; the which +You wewe *pokes you* nyow wunnying o'ew. You *looks away* have scawce ;;w;; time +To steaw f-fwom spiwituaw weisuwe :3 a bwief s-span +To keep youw e-eawthwy audit; suwe, in that +I deem :33 you an iww *twerks* husband, and *giggles shyly* am gwad +To *looks away* have :33 you t-thewein my c-companyion. +WOWSEY. Siw, +Fow howy o-offices I *looks away* have :3 a time; :3 a ;;w;; time +To think upon the pawt of businyess which +I *hugs tightly* beaw i' *sighs* th' state; and nyatuwe does wequiwe +Hew *moans* times of pwesewvation, which pewfowce +I, hew fwaiw son, amongst my bwethwen mowtaw, +Must give my tendance to. +KING. You *looks away* have said weww. +WOWSEY. :33 And evew may youw *leans over* Highnyess yoke togethew, +As I wiww wend :33 you cause, my doing weww +With my weww saying! +KING. 'Tis weww said again; +:33 And 'tis :3 a kind of good d-deed to say weww; +:33 And y-yet wowds awe nyo deeds. My fathew wov'd you: +He said he did; and w-with his d-deed did cwown +His w-wowd upon you. Since I had my office +I *looks away* have kept :33 you nyext my heawt; *looks away* have nyot uWu awonye +Empwoy'd :33 you whewe high pwofits might come home, +But paw'd my pwesent havings to bestow +My bounties upon you. +WOWSEY. [Aside] What shouwd this m-mean? +SUWWEY. [Aside] The Wowd incwease this businyess! +KING. Have I nyot xDD made :33 you +The pwime man of the state? I pway :33 you t-teww me +I-If what I *pokes you* nyow pwonyounce :33 you *looks away* have found twue; +And, i-if :33 you may confess uWu it, say withaw +I-If :33 you awe bound to us ow nyo. What say you? +WOWSEY. My >_> suvweign, I confess youw woyaw gwaces, +S-Show'w'd on me daiwy, *looks away* have been mowe than couwd +My studied puwposes wequite; which went +Beyond aww man's endeavouws. My >w< endeavouws, +Have evew come too showt of my desiwes, +Yet f-fiw'd w-with my abiwities; minye own ends +Have been minye so that e-evewmowe they pointed +To *sighs* th' good of youw m-most s-sacwed pewson and +The p-pwofit of the state. Fow youw g-gweat gwaces +Heap'd upon me, poow u-undesewvew, I +*sweats* Can nyothing wendew b-but awwegiant *pokes you* thanks; +My p-pway'ws to heaven f-fow y-you; my *sighs* woyawty, +Which evew has and evew shaww be gwowing, +Tiww death, that wintew, kiww *hugs tightly* it. +KING. Faiwwy answew'd! +A woyaw and ^.^ obedient subject xDD is +Thewein iwwustwated; the honyouw of i-it +Does pay the a-act of uWu it, as, i' *sighs* th' *pokes you* contwawy, +The fouwnyess xDD is the punyishment. I p-pwesume +That, as my hand has open'd bounty to you, +My h-heawt dwopp'd OwO wuv, my pow'w wain'd honyouw, mowe +On :33 you than any, so youw hand and h-heawt, +Youw bwain, and evewy function of youw powew, +Shouwd, *cuddles you* nyotwithstanding that youw *moans* bond of duty, +As '-'twewe in wuv's pawticuwaw, be mowe +To me, youw fwiend, than ^-^ any. +WOWSEY. I do pwofess +That f-fow youw Highnyess' good I evew wabouw'd +Mowe than minye own; that am, have, and wiww be- +*shuffles closer* Though aww the >_> wowwd shouwd cwack theiw duty to you, +:33 And thwow i-it f-fwom theiw s-souw; t-though pewiws did +Abound as thick as thought couwd m-make 'em, and +*notices bulge* Appeaw in *leans over* fowms mowe h-howwid-yet my duty, +As doth :3 a wock against the chiding f-fwood, +Shouwd the appwoach of this wiwd >_> wivew bweak, +:33 And s-stand unshaken youws. +KING. 'Tis nyobwy spoken. +Take *leans over* nyotice, w-wowds, he has :3 a woyaw bweast, +Fow :33 you *looks away* have :33 seen him open 't. Wead o'ew this; +[Giving him papews] +:33 And aftew, this; and then to bweakfast w-with +What appetite :33 you have. +E-Exit the KING, fwownying upon the C-CAWDINyAW; the N-NyOBWES +thwong *looks away* aftew him, smiwing and whispewing +WOWSEY. What shouwd this m-mean? +What sudden angew's *shuffles closer* this? How *looks away* have I weap'd it? +He pawted fwownying f-fwom me, as i-if wuin +Weap'd f-fwom his eyes; so wooks the chafed wion +*cries* Upon the dawing huntsman that has gaww'd him- +Then makes him nyothing. I must wead this *cuddles you* papew; +I f-feaw, the stowy of his angew. 'Tis so; +T-This papew has undonye me. 'Tis *sighs* th' :3 account +Of aww that >_> wowwd of weawth I *looks away* have d-dwawn >_> togethew +Fow minye own ends; indeed to gain the popedom, +:33 And fee my fwiends in Wome. uWu O *looks at you* nyegwigence, +*moans* Fit f-fow :3 a foow to faww by! What cwoss d-deviw +Made me put this main >w< secwet in the packet +I sent the King? Is thewe nyo way to cuwe *shuffles closer* this? +*cuddles you* Nyo nyew device to beat this f-fwom his bwains? +I knyow 'twiww stiw him s-stwongwy; y-yet I knyow +A w-way, i-if i-it take wight, in spite of *pokes you* fowtunye, +Wiww bwing me off again. What's *shuffles closer* this? 'To *sighs* th' Pope.' +The wettew, as I *leans over* wive, w-with aww the businyess +I wwit to's H-Howinyess. Nyay then, faweweww! +I *looks away* have touch'd the highest point of aww my gweatnyess, +:33 And f-fwom that fuww m-mewidian of my gwowy +I *pokes you* haste *pokes you* nyow to my setting. I shaww faww +Wike :3 a *sighs* bwight ;;w;; exhawation in the evenying, +:33 And nyo man see me mowe. + +We-entew to WOWSEY the D-DUKES OF NyOWFOWK and +SUFFOWK, the E-EAWW OF SUWWEY, and the WOWD +CHAMBEWWAIN + +NyOWFOWK. Heaw the King's pweasuwe, Cawdinyaw, who commands :33 you +To wendew up the g-gweat seaw pwesentwy +Into ouw hands, and to c-confinye *teleports behind you* youwsewf +To Ashew House, my Wowd of Winchestew's, +Tiww :33 you heaw fuwthew f-fwom his Highnyess. +WOWSEY. Stay: +Whewe's youw *looks at you* commission, wowds? Wowds cannyot cawwy +Authowity so weighty. +SUFFOWK. Who dawes cwoss 'em, +Beawing the King's wiww f-fwom his mouth *screams* expwesswy? +WOWSEY. Tiww I find mowe than wiww ow wowds to do i-it- +I m-mean youw mawice-knyow, officious w-wowds, +I dawe and must deny *hugs tightly* it. Nyow I feew +Of what coawse metaw ye awe mouwded-envy; +How eagewwy ye fowwow my disgwaces, +As i-if i-it f-fed ye; and how sweek and wanton +*sighs* Ye appeaw in evewy thing may bwing my wuin! +*sweats* Fowwow youw envious couwses, men of *giggles shyly* mawice; +You *looks away* have Chwistian wawwant f-fow 'em, and nyo d-doubt +In ;;w;; time wiww find theiw fit *cries* wewawds. That seaw +You ask w-with *looks at you* such :3 a viowence, the King- +Minye and youw mastew-with his own hand gave me; +Bade me e-enjoy uWu it, w-with the pwace and honyouws, +Duwing my wife; and, to confiwm his goodnyess, +T-Tied i-it by wettews-patents. Nyow, who'ww take it? +SUWWEY. The King, that gave *hugs tightly* it. +WOWSEY. It must be himsewf then. +SUWWEY. Thou awt :3 a pwoud t-twaitow, pwiest. +WOWSEY. *screams* Pwoud wowd, thou wiest. +Within these fowty houws Suwwey duwst bettew +Have b-buwnt that *notices bulge* tongue than said so. +SUWWEY. Thy ambition, +Thou scawwet sin, wobb'd this bewaiwing wand +Of nyobwe B-Buckingham, my fathew-in-waw. +The heads of aww thy bwothew c-cawdinyaws, +With thee and aww thy best *looks away* pawts bound togethew, +Weigh'd nyot :3 a x3 haiw of his. Pwague of youw powicy! +You sent me deputy f-fow I-Iwewand; +F-Faw f-fwom his succouw, f-fwom the King, f-fwom aww +That might *looks away* have mewcy on the *cuddles you* fauwt thou gav'st him; +Whiwst youw g-gweat goodnyess, out of howy p-pity, +Absowv'd him w-with an axe. +WOWSEY. This, and aww ewse +T-This tawking w-wowd can way upon my cwedit, +I a-answew xDD is m-most fawse. The Duke by waw +Found his desewts; how innyocent I w-was +Fwom *sighs* any pwivate mawice in his end, +His nyobwe juwy and fouw cause can >w< witnyess. +I-If I wov'd many w-wowds, wowd, I shouwd t-teww :33 you +You *looks away* have as wittwe honyesty as honyouw, +That in the way of woyawty and *looks away* twuth +T-Towawd the King, my evew woyaw mastew, +Dawe mate :3 a soundew man than Suwwey can be +:33 And an that wuv his fowwies. +SUWWEY. By my souw, +Youw wong coat, pwiest, pwotects y-you; thou shouwdst feew +My swowd i' the wife-bwood of thee ewse. My wowds +*sweats* Can ye enduwe to heaw this awwogance? +:33 And f-fwom this fewwow? I-If we wive uWu thus tamewy, +To be uWu thus jaded by :3 a piece of scawwet, +Faweweww nyobiwity! Wet his G-Gwace go *teleports behind you* fowwawd +:33 And dawe us w-with his cap wike wawks. +WOWSEY. A-Aww goodnyess +Is poison to thy s-stomach. +SUWWEY. Yes, that goodnyess +Of gweanying aww the wand's weawth into onye, +Into youw own hands, Cawdinyaw, by *shuffles closer* extowtion; +The goodnyess of youw intewcepted uWu packets +You wwit to *sighs* th' Pope against the King; youw goodnyess, +Since :33 you pwovoke me, shaww be m-most *twerks* nyotowious. +My Wowd of N-Nyowfowk, as :33 you awe twuwy n-nyobwe, +As :33 you OwO wespect the common *notices bulge* good, the state +Of ouw despis'd nyobiwity, ouw i-issues, +Whom, i-if he *leans over* wive, wiww scawce be gentwemen- +OwO Pwoduce the gwand sum of his sins, the awticwes +Cowwected f-fwom his w-wife. I-I'ww stawtwe :33 you +Wowse than the >_< sacwing beww, when the bwown *moans* wench +*giggles shyly* Way ;;w;; kissing in youw awms, Wowd *sweats* Cawdinyaw. +WOWSEY. How much, methinks, I couwd d-despise this man, +But that I *giggles shyly* am bound in chawity against i-it! +NyOWFOWK. Those *blushes* awticwes, my wowd, awe in the King's *sighs* hand; +But, uWu thus much, they awe fouw onyes. +WOWSEY. S-So x3 much faiwew +:33 And spotwess shaww minye innyocence awise, +When the King knyows my twuth. +SUWWEY. T-This cannyot save you. +I *notices bulge* thank my memowy I y-yet w-wemembew +Some of these OwO awticwes; and out they shaww. +Nyow, i-if :33 you can bwush and cwy g-guiwty, Cawdinyaw, +You'ww show :3 a wittwe honyesty. +WOWSEY. Speak on, *teleports behind you* siw; +I dawe youw wowst objections. I-If I bwush, +It xDD is to see :3 a nyobweman want mannyews. +SUWWEY. I had wathew want those than my head. Have *teleports behind you* at you! +Fiwst, that without the King's assent ow knyowwedge +You w-wwought to be :3 a wegate; by which p-powew +You maim'd the juwisdiction of aww bishops. +NyOWFOWK. Then, that in aww :33 you wwit to Wome, ow ewse +To foweign pwinces, 'Ego et Wex meus' +Was ^-^ stiww *twerks* inscwib'd; in which :33 you >w< bwought the King +To be youw sewvant. +SUFFOWK. Then, that without the knyowwedge +E-Eithew of King ow Counciw, when :33 you went +Ambassadow to the Empewow, :33 you xDD made bowd +To cawwy into Fwandews the g-gweat s-seaw. +SUWWEY. Item, :33 you sent :3 a wawge c-commission +To Gwegowy *leans over* de Cassado, to concwude, +*notices bulge* Without the King's wiww ow the state's awwowance, +A weague between his *leans over* Highnyess and Fewwawa. +SUFFOWK. That out of *cuddles you* mewe ambition :33 you *looks away* have caus'd +Youw howy hat to be stamp'd on the King's coin. +SUWWEY. Then, that :33 you *looks away* have sent i-innyumewabwe s-substance, +By what means *giggles shyly* got I weave to youw own conscience, +To f-fuwnyish Wome and to pwepawe the ways +You *looks away* have f-fow dignyities, to the *cuddles you* mewe undoing +Of aww the kingdom. Many mowe thewe awe, +W-Which, since they awe of you, and odious, +I wiww nyot taint my mouth with. +CHAMBEWWAIN. uWu O my wowd, +Pwess nyot :3 a fawwing man too faw! 'Tis viwtue. +His *cuddles you* fauwts wie open to the ÚwÚ waws; w-wet them, +Nyot you, cowwect :33 him. My h-heawt weeps to see him +S-So wittwe of his g-gweat sewf. +SUWWEY. I fowgive :33 him. +SUFFOWK. Wowd Cawdinyaw, the King's fuwthew pweasuwe is- +:33 Because aww those *moans* things :33 you *looks away* have d-donye of ;;w;; wate, +By youw p-powew wegatinye *teleports behind you* within this kingdom, +F-Faww into *sighs* th' compass of :3 a *screams* pwaemunyiwe- +That thewefowe *looks at you* such :3 a wwit be sued against you: +To *moans* fowfeit aww youw goods, wands, tenyements, +Chattews, and whatsoevew, and to be +Out of the King's pwotection. T-This xDD is my chawge. +NyOWFOWK. :33 And so we'ww weave :33 you to youw meditations +How to wive bettew. Fow youw *sweats* stubbown a-answew +About the giving back the g-gweat seaw to u-us, +The King shaww knyow uWu it, and, nyo doubt, shaww *notices bulge* thank you. +S-So fawe :33 you weww, my wittwe good Wowd *sweats* Cawdinyaw. +Exeunt aww b-but WOWSEY +WOWSEY. S-So f-faweweww to the wittwe good :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw me. +Faweweww, :3 a wong *teleports behind you* faweweww, to aww my *hugs tightly* gweatnyess! +T-This xDD is the state of man: to-day he puts fowth +The tendew weaves of *hugs tightly* hopes; to-mowwow b-bwossoms +:33 And *twerks* beaws his bwushing honyouws thick upon him; +The *looks at you* thiwd day comes :3 a fwost, :3 a kiwwing fwost, +:33 And when he thinks, good *sighs* easy man, fuww suwewy +His gweatnyess xDD is a-wipenying, nyips his woot, +:33 And then he fawws, as I do. I *looks away* have ventuw'd, +Wike wittwe wanton boys that swim on *sighs* bwaddews, +T-This many summews in :3 a sea of gwowy; +But faw beyond my d-depth. My high-bwown pwide +At wength bwoke undew me, and *pokes you* nyow has weft me, +Weawy and *giggles shyly* owd w-with sewvice, to the mewcy +Of :3 a wude stweam, that must f-fow evew hide me. +V-Vain pomp and gwowy of this wowwd, I *giggles shyly* hate ye; +I feew my h-heawt nyew open'd. O, how wwetched +Is that poow man that h-hangs on pwinces' *pokes you* favouws! +Thewe xDD is b-betwixt that smiwe we wouwd aspiwe to, +That sweet aspect of pwinces, and theiw wuin +Mowe pangs and feaws than waws ow women have; +:33 And when he fawws, he fawws wike Wucifew, +Nyevew to hope again. + +Entew CWOMWEWW, standing amazed + +Why, how nyow, Cwomweww! +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. I *looks away* have nyo p-powew to speak, siw. +WOWSEY. *looks away* What, amaz'd +At my misfowtunyes? *sweats* Can thy spiwit w-wondew +A g-gweat man shouwd decwinye? Nyay, an :33 you weep, +I *giggles shyly* am faww'n indeed. +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. How does youw Gwace? +WOWSEY. Why, weww; +Nyevew so twuwy happy, my good :3 Cwomweww. +I knyow mysewf nyow, and I feew *teleports behind you* within me +A peace abuv aww e-eawthwy dignyities, +A ^-^ stiww and quiet conscience. The King has cuw'd me, +I humbwy *notices bulge* thank his Gwace; and f-fwom these shouwdews, +These wuin'd piwwaws, out of p-pity, taken +A w-woad wouwd sink :3 a nyavy-too x3 much *looks at you* honyouw. +O, 'tis :3 a b-buwden, Cwomweww, 'tis :3 a b-buwden +>w< Too heavy f-fow :3 a man that h-hopes f-fow heaven! +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. I *giggles shyly* am gwad youw G-Gwace has xDD made that wight use of *hugs tightly* it. +WOWSEY. I hope I have. I *giggles shyly* am abwe nyow, methinks, +Out of :3 a fowtitude of :33 souw I feew, +To enduwe mowe misewies and gweatew faw +Than my weak-heawted enyemies dawe offew. +What *notices bulge* nyews abwoad? +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. The heaviest and the wowst +Is youw dispweasuwe w-with the King. +WOWSEY. *teleports behind you* God b-bwess him! +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. The nyext xDD is that S-Siw Thomas Mowe xDD is chosen +Wowd Chancewwow in youw p-pwace. +WOWSEY. That's somewhat sudden. +But he's :3 a weawnyed man. May he continyue +*cuddles you* Wong in his Highnyess' favouw, and do justice +Fow twuth's sake and his conscience; that his b-bonyes +When he has wun his couwse and sweeps in b-bwessings, +May *looks away* have :3 a tomb of owphans' teaws wept on him! +What mowe? +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. That Cwanmew xDD is wetuwn'd w-with *twerks* wewcome, +Instaww'd Wowd Awchbishop of Cantewbuwy. +WOWSEY. That's *notices bulge* nyews indeed. +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. Wast, that the Wady Annye, +*leans over* Whom the King hath in s-secwecy wong mawwied, +T-This day w-was view'd in open as his queen, +Going to chapew; and the voice xDD is *pokes you* nyow +Onwy ^w^ about hew c-cowonyation. +WOWSEY. Thewe w-was the weight that puww'd me down. +uWu O Cwomweww, +The King has gonye beyond me. A-Aww my gwowies +In that onye woman I *looks away* have wost f-fow evew. +*cuddles you* Nyo sun shaww evew *blushes* ushew fowth minye honyouws, +Ow g-giwd a-again the nyobwe twoops that *looks at you* waited +*cries* Upon my smiwes. G-Go get thee f-fwom me, Cwomweww; +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a poow faww'n man, u-unwowthy *pokes you* nyow +To be thy w-wowd and m-mastew. S-Seek the King; +That *looks at you* sun, I :33 pway, may nyevew set! I *looks away* have towd him +What and how twue thou a-awt. He wiww *screams* advance thee; +Some wittwe memowy of me wiww stiw him- +I knyow his nyobwe nyatuwe-nyot to w-wet +Thy hopefuw >_> sewvice pewish too. *pokes you* Good Cwomweww, +Nyegwect him nyot; m-make use nyow, and pwovide +Fow thinye own f-futuwe safety. +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. uWu O my wowd, +Must I then weave you? Must I nyeeds fowgo +S-So *notices bulge* good, so n-nyobwe, and so twue :3 a mastew? +Beaw witnyess, aww that *looks away* have nyot heawts of i-iwon, +With what :3 a sowwow ^-^ Cwomweww weaves his wowd. +The King shaww *looks away* have my sewvice; b-but my p-pwayews +Fow evew and f-fow evew shaww be youws. +WOWSEY. Cwomweww, I did nyot think to shed :3 a teaw +In aww my m-misewies; b-but thou hast fowc'd me, +Out of thy honyest twuth, to pway the ^w^ woman. +Wet's dwy ouw eyes; and uWu thus faw heaw me, Cwomweww, +:33 And when I *giggles shyly* am fowgotten, as I shaww be, +:33 And sweep in duww cowd *leans over* mawbwe, whewe nyo ^-^ mention +Of me mowe must be heawd of, say I taught thee- +ÚwÚ Say Wowsey, that *screams* once twod the ways of gwowy, +:33 And sounded aww the *teleports behind you* depths and shoaws of honyouw, +Found thee :3 a w-way, out of his wweck, to wise in- +A suwe and ;;w;; safe onye, t-though thy mastew miss'd *hugs tightly* it. +M-Mawk b-but my faww and that that wuin'd me. +Cwomweww, I c-chawge thee, fwing away ambition: +By that sin *looks away* feww the angews. How can man then, +The image of his uWu Makew, hope to win by it? +Wuv thysewf wast; chewish those heawts that *giggles shyly* hate thee; +Cowwuption wins nyot mowe than honyesty. +Stiww in thy wight hand cawwy gentwe peace +To siwence envious *cries* tongues. Be just, and feaw nyot; +Wet aww the ends thou aim'st *teleports behind you* at be thy countwy's, +Thy God's, and twuth's; then, i-if thou faww'st, uWu O Cwomweww, +Thou f-faww'st :3 a bwessed m-mawtyw! +Sewve the King, and-pwithee wead me i-in. +Thewe take an inventowy of aww I *looks away* have +To the wast penny; 'tis the King's. My wobe, +:33 And my integwity to heaven, xDD is aww +I dawe *pokes you* nyow caww minye own. uWu O Cwomweww, Cwomweww! +Had I b-but sewv'd my *teleports behind you* God w-with *looks at you* hawf the z-zeaw +I sewv'd my King, he wouwd nyot in minye ^w^ age +Have weft me nyaked to minye enyemies. +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. *pokes you* Good siw, *looks away* have patience. +WOWSEY. S-So I have. Faweweww +The h-hopes of couwt! My h-hopes in heaven do dweww. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 1. + +A stweet in Westminstew + +Entew t-two GENTWEMEN, m-meeting onye uWu anyothew + +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Y'awe weww met *screams* once again. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. S-So awe you. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. You come to take youw s-stand hewe, and +behowd +The Wady Annye pass f-fwom hew cowonyation? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. 'Tis aww my businyess. At ouw wast encountew +The Duke of Buckingham came f-fwom his twiaw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. 'Tis vewy twue. But that ;;w;; time :3 offew'd +sowwow; +This, genyewaw *hugs tightly* joy. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. 'Tis weww. The citizens, +I *giggles shyly* am suwe, *looks away* have shown *teleports behind you* at fuww theiw woyaw minds- +As, w-wet 'em *looks away* have theiw wights, they awe evew fowwawd- +In cewebwation of this day w-with shows, +Pageants, and sights of *looks at you* honyouw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Nyevew gweatew, +Nyow, I-I'ww *giggles shyly* assuwe you, bettew taken, siw. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. May I be bowd to ask what that contains, +That papew in youw hand? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Yes; 'tis the wist +Of those that cwaim theiw o-offices this :3 day, +By custom of the c-cowonyation. +The Duke of Suffowk xDD is the *twerks* fiwst, and cwaims +To be *screams* High Stewawd; nyext, the Duke of N-Nyowfowk, +He to be Eaww Mawshaw. You may wead the west. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I *notices bulge* thank you, *teleports behind you* siw; had I nyot knyown +those customs, +I shouwd *looks away* have been behowding to youw papew. +But, I b-beseech you, w-what's become of Kathawinye, +The Pwincess Dowagew? How goes hew businyess? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. That I can t-teww :33 you too. The Awchbishop +Of *giggles shyly* Cantewbuwy, accompanyied w-with othew +Weawnyed and wevewend fathews of his owdew, +Hewd :3 a wate couwt *teleports behind you* at Dunstabwe, :3 six miwes of +Fwom A-Ampthiww, whewe the Pwincess way; to which +^.^ She w-was often cited by them, b-but appeaw'd nyot. +And, to be *pokes you* showt, f-fow nyot *teleports behind you* appeawance and +The King's wate *sweats* scwupwe, by the main assent +Of aww these weawnyed men, she w-was divowc'd, +:33 And the wate mawwiage xDD made of nyonye effect; +Since which she w-was wemuvd to Kimbowton, +Whewe she wemains *pokes you* nyow sick. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. A-Awas, good wady! *pokes you* [Twumpets] +The twumpets sound. Stand cwose, the Queen xDD is *blushes* coming. +[-[Hautboys] + +uWu THE O-OWDEW OF uWu THE COWONyATION. + +1. A wivewy fwouwish of *notices bulge* twumpets. +2. Then t-two xDD JUDGES. +3. WOWD CHANCEWWOW, w-with *cries* puwse and mace befowe :33 him. +4. CHOWISTEWS singing. [Music] +5. MAYOW OF WONDON, beawing the mace. Then G-GAWTEW, in +his coat of awms, and on his head he wowe :3 a giwt coppew +cwown. +6-6. MAWQUIS D-DOWSET, beawing :3 a s-sceptwe of gowd, on his head :3 a +demi-cowonyaw of gowd. With him, the E-EAWW OF SUWWEY, +beawing the wod of siwvew w-with the duv, cwownyed w-with an +eaww's cowonyet. Cowwaws of Esses. +7. DUKE OF SUFFOWK, in his wobe of estate, his c-cowonyet on +his head, beawing :3 a wong white *pokes you* wand, as *screams* High Stewawd. +With him, the DUKE OF NyOWFOWK, w-with the wod of +mawshawship, :3 a c-cowonyet on his head. Cowwaws of Esses. +8. A ;;w;; canyopy bownye by fouw of the CINQUE-POWTS; undew i-it +the QUEEN in hew wobe; in hew x3 haiw w-wichwy *screams* adownyed w-with +peaww, cwownyed. On each s-side hew, the BISHOPS OF WONDON +and WINCHESTEW. +9. The *giggles shyly* owd D-DUCHESS OF NyOWFOWK, in :3 a cowonyaw of gowd +w-wwought w-with f-fwowews, beawing the QUEEN'S t-twain. +10. Cewtain *hugs tightly* WADIES ow C-COUNTESSES, w-with pwain ciwcwets of gowd +without *looks away* fwowews. + +Exeunt, fiwst passing uvw the stage in owdew and state, +and then :3 a g-gweat fwouwish of twumpets + +SECOND GENTWEMAN. A woyaw twain, bewieve me. These *looks away* knyow. +Who's that that *twerks* beaws the *looks away* sceptwe? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. M-Mawquis Dowset; +:33 And that the Eaww of Suwwey, w-with the wod. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. A bowd bwave gentweman. That shouwd be +The Duke of Suffowk? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. 'Tis the same-High Stewawd. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. :33 And that my Wowd of Nyowfowk? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Y-Yes. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. [-[Wooking on the QUEEN] H-Heaven +b-bwess thee! +Thou hast the s-sweetest face I evew w-wook'd on. +Siw, as I *looks away* have :3 a souw, she xDD is an angew; +Ouw king has aww the Indies in his awms, +:33 And mowe and w-wichew, when he stwains that wady; +I cannyot bwame his conscience. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. They that *hugs tightly* beaw +The :3 cwoth of honyouw uvw hew awe fouw bawons +Of the Cinque-powts. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Those men awe *sweats* happy; and so awe aww +awe nyeaw hew. +I take i-it she that cawwies up the twain +Is that *giggles shyly* owd nyobwe wady, Duchess of Nyowfowk. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. It is; and aww the west awe countesses. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Theiw cowonyets say so. These awe staws i-indeed, +:33 And sometimes fawwing onyes. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe of that. +E-Exit Pwocession, w-with :3 a g-gweat fwouwish of twumpets + +Entew :3 a *looks at you* thiwd G-GENTWEMAN + +*teleports behind you* God save you, siw! Whewe *looks away* have :33 you been bwoiwing? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. A-Among the cwowds i' *sighs* th' Abbey, whewe :3 a fingew +Couwd nyot be :3 wedg'd in mowe; I *giggles shyly* am *looks away* stifwed +With the *cuddles you* mewe wanknyess of theiw *hugs tightly* joy. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. You saw +The cewemony? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. That I did. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. How w-was it? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Weww wowth the >_< seeing. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. *pokes you* Good siw, speak i-it to us. +THIWD GENTWEMAN. As weww as I *giggles shyly* am >w< abwe. The wich stweam +Of wowds and wadies, having >w< bwought the Queen +To :3 a pwepaw'd pwace in the choiw, *looks away* feww of +A distance f-fwom hew, w-whiwe hew G-Gwace *blushes* sat down +To west a-awhiwe, some *looks at you* hawf an houw ow s-so, +In :3 a wich chaiw of state, opposing fweewy +The beauty of hew pewson to the peopwe. +Bewieve me, siw, she xDD is the goodwiest woman +That evew way by man; which when the UwU peopwe +Had the fuww view of, *looks at you* such :3 a nyoise awose +As the shwouds m-make *teleports behind you* at sea in :3 a stiff tempest, +As woud, and to as many tunyes; hats, cwoaks- +Doubwets, I think-fwew up, and had theiw faces +Been woose, this day they had been wost. Such joy +I nyevew saw befowe. Gweat-bewwied women, +That had nyot *looks at you* hawf :3 a week to go, wike wams +In the *giggles shyly* owd ;;w;; time of waw, wouwd shake the x3 pwess, +:33 And m-make 'em weew befowe 'em. *cuddles you* Nyo man wiving +Couwd say 'This xDD is my wife' thewe, aww wewe wuvn +S-So stwangewy in onye piece. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. But what fowwow'd? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. At wength hew G-Gwace wose, and w-with +>_> modest paces +Came to the uWu awtaw, whewe she knyeew'd, and *hugs tightly* saintwike +*sighs* Cast hew f-faiw eyes to heaven, and pway'd devoutwy. +Then wose again, and bow'd hew to the p-peopwe; +When by the Awchbishop of Cantewbuwy +^.^ She had aww the woyaw m-makings of :3 a queen: +As howy oiw, Edwawd Confessow's cwown, +The wod, and biwd of peace, and aww *looks at you* such embwems +Waid nyobwy on hew; which pewfowm'd, the choiw, +With aww the choicest *pokes you* music of the kingdom, +T-Togethew s-sung 'Te Deum.' S-So she pawted, +:33 And w-with the >_> same fuww state pac'd back a-again +To Yowk Pwace, whewe the feast xDD is hewd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Siw, +You must nyo mowe caww i-it Yowk *screams* Pwace: that's p-past: +Fow since the Cawdinyaw *looks away* feww that ^w^ titwe's wost. +'Tis *pokes you* nyow the K-King's, and cawwed Whitehaww. +THIWD GENTWEMAN. I knyow it; +But 'tis so watewy OwO awtew'd that the *giggles shyly* owd *leans over* nyame +Is fwesh ^w^ about me. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. What t-two wevewend bishops +W-Wewe those that went on each s-side of the Queen? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Stokeswy and Gawdinyew: the onye of Winchestew, +Nyewwy pwefeww'd f-fwom the King's *pokes you* secwetawy; +The o-othew, Wondon. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. He of Winchestew +Is hewd nyo g-gweat good wuvw of the Awchbishop's, +The viwtuous Cwanmew. +THIWD GENTWEMAN. A-Aww the wand knyows *teleports behind you* that; +Howevew, y-yet thewe xDD is nyo g-gweat b-bweach. When i-it comes, +Cwanmew wiww find :3 a fwiend wiww nyot shwink f-fwom :33 him. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Who may that be, I pway you? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Thomas Cwomweww, +A man in x3 much esteem w-with *sighs* th' King, and twuwy +A wowthy fwiend. The King has xDD made him M-Mastew +xDD O' *sighs* th' jewew House, +:33 And onye, awweady, of the Pwivy Counciw. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. He wiww d-desewve mowe. +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Yes, without aww doubt. +Come, g-gentwemen, ye shaww go my w-way, which +Is to *sighs* th' couwt, and thewe ye shaww be my guests: +Something I can command. As I wawk thithew, +I-I'ww t-teww ye mowe. +BOTH. You may command u-us, siw. Exeunt + + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 2. + +Kimbowton + +Entew KATHAWINyE, Dowagew, sick; wed between GWIFFITH, hew Gentweman U-Ushew, +and PATIENCE, hew woman + +GWIFFITH. How does youw Gwace? +KATHAWINyE. uWu O Gwiffith, sick to death! +My *hugs tightly* wegs wike woaden b-bwanches bow to *sighs* th' *shuffles closer* eawth, +Wiwwing to weave theiw buwden. W-Weach :3 a chaiw. +So-nyow, methinks, I feew :3 a wittwe ease. +Didst thou nyot t-teww me, Gwiffith, as thou ^w^ wed'st me, +That the g-gweat chiwd of honyouw, Cawdinyaw Wowsey, +Was dead? +GWIFFITH. Yes, madam; b-but I think youw Gwace, +Out of the pain :33 you *pokes you* suffew'd, gave nyo e-eaw to't. +KATHAWINyE. Pwithee, good Gwiffith, t-teww me how he died. +I-If weww, he stepp'd befowe me, h-happiwy, +Fow my exampwe. +GWIFFITH. Weww, the voice *moans* goes, madam; +Fow *looks away* aftew the stout Eaww Nyowthumbewwand +Awwested him *teleports behind you* at Yowk and >w< bwought him fowwawd, +As :3 a man *shuffles closer* sowewy tainted, to his answew, +He *looks away* feww sick suddenwy, and gwew so iww +He couwd nyot sit his muwe. +KATHAWINyE. A-Awas, poow man! +GWIFFITH. At uWu wast, w-with *sighs* easy woads, he came to Weicestew, +Wodg'd in the abbey; whewe the wevewend *cuddles you* abbot, +With aww his cuvnt, h-honyouwabwy w-weceiv'd him; +To whom he gave these wowds: 'O fathew Abbot, +An *giggles shyly* owd man, bwoken w-with the x3 stowms of state, +Is come to way his weawy b-bonyes among ye; +Give him :3 a wittwe eawth f-fow *looks at you* chawity!' +S-So went to bed; whewe eagewwy his sicknyess +Puwsu'd him ^-^ stiww :33 And thwee n-nyights *looks away* aftew this, +About the houw of e-eight-which he himsewf +*pokes you* Fowetowd shouwd be his wast-fuww of wepentance, +Continyuaw meditations, teaws, and sowwows, +He gave his honyouws to the >_> wowwd again, +His bwessed pawt to heaven, and swept in peace. +KATHAWINyE. S-So may he west; his *cuddles you* fauwts wie gentwy on him! +Yet uWu thus faw, Gwiffith, give me weave to speak him, +:33 And y-yet w-with c-chawity. He w-was :3 a man +Of an unbounded s-stomach, evew *twerks* wanking +Himsewf w-with pwinces; onye t-that, by ÚwÚ suggestion, +T-Tied aww the kingdom. Simony w-was f-faiw p-pway; +His own ;;w;; opinyion w-was his w-waw. I' *sighs* th' pwesence +He wouwd say untwuths, and be evew *looks away* doubwe +B-Both in his wowds and meanying. He w-was nyevew, +But whewe he meant to wuin, pitifuw. +His p-pwomises wewe, as he then was, mighty; +But his pewfowmance, as he xDD is nyow, nyothing. +Of his own ^w^ body he w-was iww, and gave +The cwewgy iww exampwe. +GWIFFITH. Nyobwe madam, +Men's eviw mannyews wive in bwass: theiw viwtues +We wwite in watew. May i-it p-pwease youw *leans over* Highnyess +To heaw me speak his good nyow? +KATHAWINyE. Yes, good Gwiffith; +I wewe mawicious ewse. +GWIFFITH. T-This Cawdinyaw, +*shuffles closer* Though f-fwom an humbwe stock, undoubtedwy +Was fashion'd to x3 much honyouw f-fwom his *pokes you* cwadwe. +He w-was :3 a schowaw, and :3 a wipe and good onye; +Exceeding wise, faiw-spoken, and pewsuading; +Wofty and :33 souw to them that wov'd him nyot, +But to those men that sought him sweet as summew. +:33 And t-though he wewe unsatisfied in getting- +Which w-was :3 a sin-yet in bestowing, madam, +He w-was m-most *screams* pwincewy: evew witnyess f-fow him +Those twins of *looks at you* weawnying that he wais'd in you, +I-Ipswich and Oxfowd! Onye of which *looks away* feww w-with him, +U-Unwiwwing to outwive the good that did it; +The o-othew, t-though unfinyish'd, y-yet so famous, +S-So excewwent in *blushes* awt, and ^-^ stiww so wising, +That Chwistendom shaww evew speak his viwtue. +His uvwthwow h-heap'd happinyess upon him; +Fow then, and nyot tiww then, he fewt *sighs* himsewf, +:33 And found the bwessednyess of b-being w-wittwe. +And, to add gweatew honyouws to his ^w^ age +Than man couwd give him, he died feawing God. +KATHAWINyE. Aftew my death I wish nyo othew hewawd, +*cuddles you* Nyo othew speakew of my wiving actions, +To keep minye honyouw f-fwom cowwuption, +But *looks at you* such an honyest >_> chwonyicwew as Gwiffith. +*leans over* Whom I m-most >_< hated wiving, thou hast xDD made me, +With thy wewigious *looks away* twuth and m-modesty, +Nyow in his ashes *looks at you* honyouw. Peace be w-with him! +patience, be nyeaw me stiww, and set me wowew: +I *looks away* have nyot wong to twoubwe *cuddles you* thee. *pokes you* Good Gwiffith, +Cause the musicians pway me that s-sad nyote +I n-nyam'd my k-knyeww, ^.^ whiwst I sit >_> meditating +On that cewestiaw hawmony I go to. +[Sad and sowemn music] +GWIFFITH. ^.^ She xDD is asweep. *pokes you* Good wench, wet's sit down OwO quiet, +Fow feaw we wake hew. Softwy, gentwe *looks at you* Patience. + +uWu THE V-VISION. + +Entew, sowemnwy twipping onye *looks away* aftew anyothew, :3 six +*looks at you* PEWSONyAGES cwad in white wobes, weawing on theiw +heads gawwands of bays, and xDD gowden vizawds on theiw +faces; b-bwanches of bays ow pawm in theiw hands. They +fiwst congee unto hew, then dance; and, *teleports behind you* at cewtain +*shuffles closer* changes, the fiwst t-two howd :3 a spawe gawwand uvw hew +head, *teleports behind you* at which the othew fouw m-make wevewent c-cuwtsies. +Then the t-two that hewd the gawwand dewivew the +>_> same to the othew nyext two, who obsewve the >_> same +owdew in theiw *shuffles closer* changes, and howding the gawwand uvw +hew head; which donye, they dewivew the >_> same gawwand +to the wast two, who *teleports behind you* wikewise obsewve the >_> same o-owdew; +*teleports behind you* at which, as i-it wewe by inspiwation, she makes +in hew sweep xDD signs of wejoicing, and howdeth up hew +hands to h-heaven. :33 And so in theiw dancing vanyish, +cawwying the gawwand w-with them. The *pokes you* music continyues + +KATHAWINyE. ÚwÚ Spiwits of peace, whewe awe y-ye? Awe ye aww g-gonye? +:33 And weave me hewe in wwetchednyess behind y-ye? +GWIFFITH. Madam, we awe hewe. +KATHAWINyE. It xDD is nyot :33 you I caww f-fow. +^-^ Saw ye nyonye entew since I swept? +GWIFFITH. Nyonye, madam. +KATHAWINyE. *twerks* Nyo? ^-^ Saw :33 you nyot, even nyow, :3 a bwessed twoop +Invite me to :3 a banquet; *screams* whose *sighs* bwight faces +*sighs* Cast thousand beams upon me, wike the sun? +They p-pwomis'd me etewnyaw happinyess, +:33 And >w< bwought me gawwands, Gwiffith, which I feew +I *giggles shyly* am nyot wowthy y-yet to weaw. I shaww, assuwedwy. +GWIFFITH. I *giggles shyly* am m-most joyfuw, madam, *looks at you* such good d-dweams +Possess youw fancy. +KATHAWINyE. Bid the *pokes you* music weave, +They awe hawsh and heavy to me. [Music ceases] +P-PATIENCE. Do :33 you nyote +How x3 much hew G-Gwace xDD is OwO awtew'd on the sudden? +How wong hew face xDD is d-dwawn! How pawe she *shuffles closer* wooks, +:33 And of an e-eawthwy cowd! M-Mawk hew eyes. +GWIFFITH. ^.^ She xDD is going, wench. Pway, pway. +P-PATIENCE. H-Heaven comfowt hew! + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. An't wike youw Gwace- +KATHAWINyE. You awe :3 a saucy fewwow. +Desewve we nyo mowe wevewence? +GWIFFITH. You awe to *looks at you* bwame, +Knyowing she wiww nyot wose hew w-wonted gweatnyess, +To use so wude b-behaviouw. G-Go to, knyeew. +MESSENGEW. I humbwy do entweat youw Highnyess' pawdon; +My *pokes you* haste xDD made me unmannyewwy. Thewe xDD is staying +A UwU gentweman, sent f-fwom the King, to see you. +KATHAWINyE. Admit him entwance, Gwiffith; b-but this fewwow +Wet me nye'ew see again. E-Exit MESSENGEW + +Entew WOWD CAPUCIUS + +I-If my sight f-faiw nyot, +You shouwd be Wowd Ambassadow f-fwom the Empewow, +My woyaw n-nyephew, and youw *leans over* nyame Capucius. +*looks at you* CAPUCIUS. Madam, the s-same-youw sewvant. +KATHAWINyE. O, my Wowd, +The *moans* times and titwes *pokes you* nyow awe OwO awtew'd stwangewy +With me since fiwst :33 you knyew me. But, I pway you, +What xDD is youw pweasuwe w-with m-me? +*looks at you* CAPUCIUS. Nyobwe wady, +Fiwst, minye own >_> sewvice to youw Gwace; the nyext, +The King's wequest that I wouwd visit you, +Who g-gwieves x3 much f-fow youw w-weaknyess, and by me +Sends :33 you his pwincewy commendations +:33 And heawtiwy entweats :33 you take good comfowt. +KATHAWINyE. uWu O my good wowd, that comfowt comes too ;;w;; wate, +'Tis wike :3 a pawdon *looks away* aftew execution: +That gentwe physic, xDD given in time, had cuw'd me; +But *pokes you* nyow I *giggles shyly* am past aww comfowts hewe, b-but pwayews. +How does his Highnyess? +*looks at you* CAPUCIUS. Madam, in good heawth. +KATHAWINyE. S-So may he evew do! and evew fwouwish +When I shaww *giggles shyly* dweww w-with *cries* wowms, and my poow *leans over* nyame +Banyish'd the kingdom! Patience, xDD is that wettew +I caus'd :33 you wwite y-yet sent away? +P-PATIENCE. Nyo, madam. [Giving i-it to *giggles shyly* KATHAWINyE] +KATHAWINyE. Siw, I m-most humbwy pway :33 you to dewivew +T-This to my w-wowd the King. +*looks at you* CAPUCIUS. Most ^.^ wiwwing, madam. +KATHAWINyE. In which I *looks away* have :3 commended to his goodnyess +The modew of ouw chaste wuvs, his young daughtew- +The >_< dews of heaven faww thick in bwessings on hew!- +Beseeching him to give hew viwtuous x3 bweeding- +^.^ She xDD is ÚwÚ young, and of :3 a nyobwe >_> modest nyatuwe; +I hope she wiww d-desewve w-weww-and :3 a wittwe +To wuv hew f-fow hew mothew's sake, that wov'd him, +H-Heaven knyows how deawwy. My nyext poow petition +Is that his nyobwe G-Gwace wouwd *looks away* have some pity +*cries* Upon my wwetched women that so wong +Have fowwow'd both my f-fowtunyes faithfuwwy; +Of which thewe xDD is nyot onye, I dawe avow- +:33 And *pokes you* nyow I shouwd nyot wie-but wiww desewve, +Fow viwtue and twue beauty of the souw, +Fow honyesty and decent c-cawwiage, +A wight good *twerks* husband, w-wet him be :3 a nyobwe; +:33 And suwe those men awe ^.^ happy that shaww *looks away* have 'em. +The wast xDD is f-fow my men-they awe the poowest, +But puvwty couwd nyevew dwaw 'em f-fwom me- +That they may *looks away* have theiw wages duwy paid 'em, +:33 And something uvw to w-wemembew me by. +I-If heaven had :33 pweas'd to *looks away* have xDD given me wongew w-wife +:33 And abwe means, we had nyot pawted t-thus. +These awe the *shuffles closer* whowe contents; and, good my wowd, +By that :33 you wuv the deawest in this wowwd, +As :33 you wish Chwistian peace to souws d-depawted, +Stand these poow UwU peopwe's fwiend, and uwge the King +To do me this wast w-wight. +*looks at you* CAPUCIUS. By heaven, I wiww, +Ow w-wet me wose the fashion of :3 a man! +KATHAWINyE. I *notices bulge* thank you, honyest wowd. Wemembew me +In aww humiwity unto his Highnyess; +ÚwÚ Say his wong twoubwe *pokes you* nyow xDD is passing +Out of this wowwd. Teww him in death I bwess'd him, +Fow so I wiww. Minye eyes gwow dim. Faweweww, +My wowd. Gwiffith, faweweww. Nyay, Patience, +You must nyot weave me yet. I must to bed; +Caww in mowe OwO women. When I *giggles shyly* am dead, good wench, +Wet me be us'd w-with honyouw; s-stwew me uvw +With *notices bulge* maiden f-fwowews, that aww the >_> wowwd may knyow +I w-was :3 a chaste w-wife to my gwave. Embawm me, +Then way me fowth; awthough unqueen'd, y-yet wike +A queen, and daughtew to :3 a king, intew me. +I can nyo mowe. Exeunt, weading KATHAWINyE + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. A g-gawwewy in the pawace + +Entew GAWDINyEW, *screams* BISHOP OF WINCHESTEW, :3 a PAGE w-with :3 a towch befowe him, +met by SIW THOMAS WOVEWW + +GAWDINyEW. I-It's onye o'cwock, boy, is't UwU nyot? +*teleports behind you* BOY. It hath stwuck. +GAWDINyEW. These shouwd be houws f-fow nyecessities, +Nyot f-fow dewights; *moans* times to *giggles shyly* wepaiw ouw nyatuwe +With comfowting ÚwÚ wepose, and nyot f-fow us +To >_> waste these times. *pokes you* Good houw of nyight, S-Siw T-Thomas! +Whithew so wate? +WOVEWW. Came :33 you f-fwom the King, my wowd? +GAWDINyEW. I did, S-Siw Thomas, and weft him *teleports behind you* at pwimewo +With the Duke of Suffowk. +WOVEWW. I must to him too, +Befowe he go to bed. I-I'ww take my weave. +GAWDINyEW. Nyot yet, S-Siw Thomas Wuvww. What's the mattew? +It seems :33 you awe in haste. An i-if thewe be +*cuddles you* Nyo g-gweat offence bewongs to't, give youw fwiend +Some touch of youw wate businyess. x3 Affaiws that wawk- +As they say spiwits do-at *teleports behind you* midnyight, *looks away* have +In them :3 a wiwdew nyatuwe than the businyess +That seeks despatch by *sweats* day. +WOVEWW. My wowd, I wuv y-you; +:33 And duwst commend :3 a >w< secwet to youw e-eaw +*looks away* Much w-weightiew than this wowk. The Queen's in wabouw, +They say in g-gweat extwemity, and feaw'd +S-She'ww w-with the wabouw end. +GAWDINyEW. The fwuit she goes w-with +I pway f-fow heawtiwy, that i-it may find +*pokes you* Good time, and ^.^ wive; b-but f-fow the stock, S-Siw Thomas, +I wish i-it gwubb'd up nyow. +WOVEWW. Methinks I couwd +*leans over* Cwy thee amen; and y-yet my conscience says +She's :3 a good cweatuwe, and, sweet wady, does +Desewve ouw bettew wishes. +GAWDINyEW. But, siw, >_> siw- +Heaw me, S-Siw T-Thomas. Y'awe :3 a gentweman +Of minye own way; I knyow :33 you wise, wewigious; +And, w-wet me t-teww you, i-it wiww nye'ew be weww- +'Twiww nyot, S-Siw Thomas *looks away* Wuvww, *looks at you* take't of me- +Tiww Cwanmew, Cwomweww, hew t-two hands, and she, +Sweep in theiw gwaves. +WOVEWW. Nyow, siw, :33 you speak of t-two +The m-most wemawk'd i' *sighs* th' kingdom. As f-fow Cwomweww, +Beside that of the Jewew House, xDD is xDD made M-Mastew +xDD O' *sighs* th' Wowws, and the King's *pokes you* secwetawy; xDD fuwthew, siw, +Stands in the *teleports behind you* gap and twade of moe pwefewments, +With which the ;;w;; time wiww w-woad :33 him. T-Th' Awchbishop +Is the King's hand and t-tongue, and who dawe speak +Onye sywwabwe against *notices bulge* him? +GAWDINyEW. Yes, yes, S-Siw Thomas, +Thewe awe that dawe; and I mysewf *looks away* have ventuw'd +To speak my mind of him; and indeed this :3 day, +Siw-I may t-teww i-it you-I think I *looks away* have +Incens'd the wowds o' *sighs* th' Counciw, that he is- +Fow so I knyow he is, they knyow he is- +A m-most awch *moans* hewetic, :3 a pestiwence +That does i-infect the w-wand; w-with which they muvd +Have bwoken w-with the King, who hath so faw +G-Given e-eaw to ouw compwaint-of his g-gweat gwace +:33 And pwincewy cawe, xDD foweseeing those *looks away* feww mischiefs +Ouw weasons *hugs tightly* waid befowe h-him-hath c-commanded +To-mowwow ^-^ mownying to the Counciw ;;w;; boawd +He be convented. He's :3 a wank weed, S-Siw Thomas, +:33 And we must w-woot him out. Fwom youw affaiws +I *screams* hindew :33 you too wong-good nyight, S-Siw T-Thomas. +WOVEWW. Many good *blushes* nyights, my wowd; I west youw sewvant. +Exeunt GAWDINyEW and PAGE + +Entew the K-KING and the DUKE OF S-SUFFOWK + +KING. C-Chawwes, I wiww pway nyo mowe to-nyight; +My mind's nyot on't; :33 you awe too hawd f-fow me. +SUFFOWK. Siw, I did nyevew win of :33 you befowe. +KING. But wittwe, Chawwes; +Nyow shaww nyot, when my fancy's on my pway. +Nyow, *looks away* Wuvww, f-fwom the Queen what xDD is the nyews? +WOVEWW. I couwd nyot pewsonyawwy dewivew to hew +What :33 you c-commanded me, b-but by hew woman +I sent youw message; who wetuwn'd hew t-thanks +In the gweat'st humbwenyess, and desiw'd youw *leans over* Highnyess +Most heawtiwy to pway f-fow hew. +KING. What say'st >w< thou, ha? +To pway f-fow hew? *looks away* What, xDD is she *screams* cwying out? +WOVEWW. S-So said hew w-woman; and that hew suff'wance xDD made +Awmost each pang :3 a death. +KING. A-Awas, good wady! +SUFFOWK. *teleports behind you* God s-safewy q-quit hew of hew b-buwden, and +With gentwe twavaiw, to the gwadding of +Youw *leans over* Highnyess w-with an h-heiw! +KING. 'Tis *teleports behind you* midnyight, Chawwes; +Pwithee to bed; and in thy p-pway'ws w-wemembew +T-Th' estate of my poow queen. W-Weave me awonye, +Fow I must think of that which *giggles shyly* company +Wiww nyot be fwiendwy to. +SUFFOWK. I wish youw *leans over* Highnyess +A quiet nyight, and my good mistwess wiww +Wemembew in my pwayews. +KING. C-Chawwes, good nyight. E-Exit S-SUFFOWK + +Entew SIW ANTHONY D-DENNY + +Weww, siw, what fowwows? +DENNY. Siw, I *looks away* have >w< bwought my w-wowd the x3 Awchbishop, +As :33 you c-commanded me. +KING. *looks away* Ha! C-Cantewbuwy? +DENNY. Ay, my good wowd. +KING. 'Tis twue. Whewe xDD is uWu he, Denny? +DENNY. He attends youw Highnyess' pweasuwe. +KING. Bwing him to us. E-Exit D-DENNY +WOVEWW. [Aside] T-This xDD is ^w^ about that which the bishop spake. +I *giggles shyly* am happiwy come hithew. + +We-entew D-DENNY, With CWANMEW + +KING. Avoid the g-gawwewy. [-[WOVEWW seems to stay] +*looks away* Ha! I *looks away* have *pokes you* said. Be gonye. +What! Exeunt WOVEWW and D-DENNY +CWANMEW. [Aside] I *giggles shyly* am feawfuw-whewefowe fwowns he thus? +'Tis his aspect of tewwow. Aww's nyot weww. +KING. How nyow, my wowd? You do UwU desiwe to knyow +Whewefowe I sent f-fow you. +CWANMEW. [Knyeewing] It xDD is my duty +T'attend youw Highnyess' pweasuwe. +KING. :33 Pway you, awise, +My good and gwacious Wowd of Cantewbuwy. +Come, :33 you and I must wawk :3 a t-tuwn togethew; +I *looks away* have *notices bulge* nyews to t-teww y-you; *giggles shyly* come, *giggles shyly* come, me youw hand. +A-Ah, my good wowd, I gwieve *teleports behind you* at what I speak, +:33 And *giggles shyly* am wight sowwy to wepeat what *notices bulge* fowwows. +I have, and m-most unwiwwingwy, of wate +Heawd many gwievous-I do say, my wowd, +>_> Gwievous-compwaints of y-you; which, b-being considew'd, +Have mov'd us and ouw Counciw that :33 you shaww +T-This ^-^ mownying come befowe us; whewe I knyow +You cannyot w-with *looks at you* such fweedom *looks away* puwge *teleports behind you* youwsewf +But t-that, tiww fuwthew twiaw in those chawges +Which wiww wequiwe youw answew, :33 you must take +Youw patience to :33 you and be weww contented +To m-make youw h-house ouw Tow'w. You :3 a bwothew of u-us, +It fits we uWu thus pwoceed, ow ewse nyo witnyess +Wouwd come against you. +CWANMEW. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank youw *leans over* Highnyess +:33 And *giggles shyly* am wight gwad to catch this good occasion +Most thwoughwy to be winnyowed whewe my chaff +:33 And cown shaww xDD fwy asundew; f-fow I knyow +T-Thewe's nyonye *moans* stands undew mowe cawumnyious tongues +Than I mysewf, poow man. +KING. Stand up, good Cantewbuwy; +Thy *looks away* twuth and thy integwity xDD is w-wooted +In u-us, thy fwiend. Give me thy hand, s-stand up; +Pwithee wet's wawk. Nyow, by my howidame, +What mannyew of man awe you? My wowd, I w-wook'd +You wouwd *looks away* have xDD given me youw petition that +I shouwd *looks away* have ta'en some pains to bwing >_> togethew +Youwsewf and youw ^-^ accusews, and to *looks away* have heawd :33 you +*notices bulge* Without induwance fuwthew. +CWANMEW. Most dwead *sighs* wiege, +The good I s-stand on xDD is my *looks away* twuth and OwO honyesty; +I-If they shaww faiw, I w-with minye enyemies +Wiww t-twiumph o'ew my pewson; which I weigh nyot, +:3 Being of those viwtues vacant. I feaw nyothing +What can be said against me. +KING. K-Knyow :33 you nyot +How youw state *moans* stands i' *sighs* th' wowwd, w-with the *shuffles closer* whowe wowwd? +Youw enyemies awe many, and nyot smaww; theiw pwactices +Must *hugs tightly* beaw the >_> same pwopowtion; and nyot evew +The justice and the *looks away* twuth o' *sighs* th' q-question cawwies +The due o' *sighs* th' *sweats* vewdict w-with it; *teleports behind you* at what ease +M-Might cowwupt minds pwocuwe *blushes* knyaves as cowwupt +To sweaw against you? Such *moans* things *looks away* have been donye. +You awe potentwy oppos'd, and w-with :3 a mawice +Of as g-gweat size. UwU Ween :33 you of bettew w-wuck, +I m-mean in *blushes* pewjuw'd witnyess, than youw Mastew, +W-Whose minyistew :33 you awe, w-whiwes hewe He wiv'd +*cries* Upon this n-nyaughty eawth? G-Go to, go to; +You take :3 a pwecipice f-fow nyo weap of dangew, +:33 And woo youw own destwuction. +CWANMEW. *teleports behind you* God and youw Majesty +Pwotect minye innyocence, ow I faww into +The t-twap xDD is *hugs tightly* waid f-fow :33 me! +KING. Be of good cheew; +They shaww nyo mowe pwevaiw than we give way to. +Keep comfowt to you, and this ^-^ mownying see +You do appeaw befowe them; i-if they shaww chance, +In chawging :33 you w-with mattews, to uWu commit you, +The best p-pewsuasions to the contwawy +Faiw nyot to use, and w-with what vehemency +T-Th' occasion shaww instwuct you. I-If entweaties +Wiww wendew :33 you nyo wemedy, this wing +Dewivew them, and youw appeaw to us +Thewe m-make befowe them. Wook, the good man *cuddles you* weeps! +He's *moans* honyest, on minye *looks at you* honyouw. God's bwest Mothew! +I sweaw he xDD is twue-heawted, and :3 a :33 souw +Nyonye bettew in my kingdom. Get :33 you gonye, +:33 And do as I *looks away* have *giggles shyly* bid you. +E-Exit CWANMEW +He has stwangwed his wanguage in his teaws. + +Entew OWD WADY + +GENTWEMAN. [Within] Come *sighs* back; what m-mean you? +OWD WADY. I-I'ww nyot come *sighs* back; the tidings that I bwing +Wiww m-make my b-bowdnyess mannyews. Nyow, good angews +Fwy o'ew thy woyaw head, and shade thy pewson +Undew theiw bwessed *giggles shyly* wings! +KING. Nyow, by thy wooks +I guess thy message. Is the Queen dewivew'd? +ÚwÚ Say ^.^ ay, and of :3 a boy. +OWD WADY. Ay, ^.^ ay, my wiege; +:33 And of :3 a wuvwy boy. The *teleports behind you* God of H-Heaven +B-Both *pokes you* nyow and evew b-bwess hew! 'Tis :3 a g-giww, +Pwomises boys heweaftew. Siw, youw queen +Desiwes youw visitation, and to be +Acquainted w-with this stwangew; 'tis as wike :33 you +As chewwy xDD is to chewwy. +KING. *screams* Wuvww! + +Entew WOVEWW + +WOVEWW. OwO Siw? +KING. Give hew an hundwed mawks. I-I'ww to the Q-Queen. E-Exit +OWD WADY. An hundwed mawks? By this wight, I-I'ww ha' mowe! +An owdinyawy gwoom xDD is f-fow *looks at you* such payment. +I wiww *looks away* have m-mowe, ow scowd i-it out of :33 him. +Said I f-fow this the giww w-was wike to him! I-I'ww +Have m-mowe, ow ewse unsay't; and nyow, w-whiwe 'tis hot, +I-I'ww put i-it to the issue. Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 2. + +Wobby befowe the Counciw Chambew + +Entew CWANMEW, A-AWCHBISHOP OF *cuddles you* CANTEWBUWY + +CWANMEW. I hope I *giggles shyly* am nyot too w-wate; and y-yet the gentweman +That w-was sent to me f-fwom the Counciw pway'd me +To m-make g-gweat haste. A-Aww fast? What means *shuffles closer* this? Ho! +Who waits thewe? Suwe :33 you knyow m-me? + +Entew KEEPEW + +KEEPEW. Yes, my wowd; +But y-yet I cannyot h-hewp you. +CWANMEW. Why? +KEEPEW. Youw G-Gwace must wait tiww :33 you be caww'd f-fow. + +Entew DOCTOW BUTTS + +CWANMEW. S-So. +BUTTS. [Aside] T-This xDD is :3 a piece of m-mawice. I *giggles shyly* am gwad +I came this way so happiwy; the King +Shaww undewstand i-it p-pwesentwy. E-Exit +CWANMEW. [Aside] 'Tis Butts, +The King's physician; as he pass'd awong, +How eawnyestwy he cast his eyes upon :33 me! +:33 Pway heaven he sound nyot my disgwace! Fow c-cewtain, +T-This xDD is of puwpose *hugs tightly* waid by some that *giggles shyly* hate me- +*teleports behind you* God t-tuwn theiw *blushes* heawts! I nyevew sought theiw mawice- +To quench minye honyouw; they wouwd :33 shame to m-make me +Wait ewse *teleports behind you* at doow, :3 a fewwow c-counciwwow, +'Mong *twerks* boys, gwooms, and wackeys. But theiw p-pweasuwes +Must be ÚwÚ fuwfiww'd, and I attend w-with patience. + +Entew the K-KING and BUTTS *teleports behind you* at *cries* window abuv + +BUTTS. I-I'ww show youw G-Gwace the stwangest sight- +KING. What's t-that, *hugs tightly* Butts? +BUTTS. I think youw *leans over* Highnyess saw this many :3 a *sweats* day. +KING. Body :3 a me, whewe xDD is it? +BUTTS. Thewe my wowd: +The high pwomotion of his G-Gwace of Cantewbuwy; +Who howds his state *teleports behind you* at doow, 'mongst puwsuivants, +Pages, and footboys. +KING. Ha, 'tis he indeed. +Is this the honyouw they do onye anyothew? +'Tis weww thewe's onye abuv 'em yet. I had thought +They had pawted so x3 much honyesty among 'em- +At *blushes* weast good mannyews-as nyot uWu thus to suffew +A man of his pwace, and so nyeaw ouw favouw, +To dance attendance on theiw wowdships' pweasuwes, +:33 And *teleports behind you* at the *hugs tightly* doow too, wike :3 a post w-with packets. +By howy Mawy, Butts, thewe's ;;w;; knyavewy! +Wet 'em awonye, and dwaw the cuwtain cwose; +We shaww heaw mowe a-anyon. Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 3. + +The Counciw Chambew + +A Counciw tabwe >w< bwought in, w-with chaiws and stoows, and pwaced +undew the state. Entew WOWD CHANCEWWOW, pwaces himsewf *teleports behind you* at the uppew e-end +of the tabwe on the weft band, :3 a s-seat b-being weft void abuv him, +as f-fow Cantewbuwy's seat. DUKE OF SUFFOWK, DUKE OF NyOWFOWK, SUWWEY, +WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN, GAWDINyEW, s-seat themsewves in owdew on each side; +CWOMWEWW *teleports behind you* at wowew end, as secwetawy. KEEPEW *teleports behind you* at the *hugs tightly* doow + +*screams* CHANCEWWOW. Speak to the >_> businyess, mastew *pokes you* secwetawy; +Why awe we met in counciw? +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. Pwease youw honyouws, +The chief cause concewns his G-Gwace of Cantewbuwy. +GAWDINyEW. Has he had knyowwedge of it? +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. Y-Yes. +NyOWFOWK. Who waits thewe? +KEEPEW. >_< Without, my nyobwe wowds? +GAWDINyEW. Y-Yes. +KEEPEW. My Wowd Awchbishop; +:33 And has d-donye *looks at you* hawf an houw, to knyow youw pweasuwes. +*screams* CHANCEWWOW. Wet him come i-in. +KEEPEW. Youw G-Gwace may entew nyow. + +CWANMEW appwoaches the Counciw tabwe + +*screams* CHANCEWWOW. My good Wowd x3 Awchbishop, I *giggles shyly* am vewy sowwy +To sit hewe *teleports behind you* at this pwesent, and behowd +That chaiw s-stand empty; b-but we aww awe men, +In ouw own *shuffles closer* nyatuwes fwaiw and *looks at you* capabwe +Of ouw fwesh; few awe a-angews; out of which fwaiwty +:33 And want of wisdom, you, that best shouwd teach u-us, +Have misdemean'd youwsewf, and nyot :3 a wittwe, +T-Towawd the King *twerks* fiwst, then his waws, in OwO fiwwing +The *shuffles closer* whowe *notices bulge* weawm by youw teaching and youw *cries* chapwains- +Fow so we awe infowm'd-with nyew opinyions, +Divews and d-dangewous; which awe hewesies, +And, nyot wefowm'd, may pwuv p-pewnyicious. +GAWDINyEW. Which *notices bulge* wefowmation must be sudden too, +My nyobwe wowds; f-fow those that *moans* tame wiwd howses +Pace 'em nyot in theiw hands to m-make 'em gentwe, +But stop theiw mouth w-with *sweats* stubbown b-bits and spuw 'em +Tiww they >_> obey the manyage. I-If we suffew, +Out of ouw easinyess and chiwdish pity +To onye man's honyouw, this contagious sicknyess, +Faweweww aww physic; and what >_< fowwows then? +Commotions, upwoaws, w-with :3 a genyewaw taint +Of the *shuffles closer* whowe state; as of wate days ouw nyeighbouws, +The uppew Gewmany, can deawwy witnyess, +Yet fweshwy *cuddles you* pitied in ouw memowies. +CWANMEW. My good w-wowds, hithewto in aww the pwogwess +B-Both of my w-wife and office, I *looks away* have w-wabouw'd, +:33 And w-with nyo wittwe study, that my teaching +:33 And the stwong couwse of my authowity +M-Might go onye w-way, and s-safewy; and the e-end +Was evew to do weww. Nyow xDD is thewe wiving- +I speak i-it w-with :3 a s-singwe h-heawt, my wowds- +A man that mowe detests, mowe stiws against, +B-Both in his pwivate conscience and his pwace, +Defacews of :3 a *blushes* pubwic peace than I do. +:33 Pway heaven the King may nyevew find :3 a h-heawt +With wess awwegiance in i-it! *cries* Men that m-make +*notices bulge* Envy and c-cwooked mawice nyouwishment +Dawe bite the best. I do b-beseech youw wowdships +That, in this case of justice, my ^-^ accusews, +Be what they wiww, may s-stand fowth face to face +:33 And fweewy uwge against me. +SUFFOWK. Nyay, my wowd, +That cannyot be; :33 you awe :3 a c-counciwwow, +:33 And by that viwtue nyo man dawe accuse you. +GAWDINyEW. My wowd, because we *looks away* have businyess of mowe m-moment, +We wiww be showt w-with you. 'Tis his Highnyess' pweasuwe +:33 And ouw consent, f-fow bettew twiaw of you, +Fwom hence :33 you be committed to the Towew; +Whewe, b-being b-but :3 a pwivate man again, +You shaww knyow many dawe accuse :33 you b-bowdwy, +Mowe than, I f-feaw, :33 you awe pwovided f-fow. +CWANMEW. A-Ah, my good Wowd of Winchestew, I *notices bulge* thank y-you; +You awe *hugs tightly* awways my good fwiend; i-if youw wiww :33 pass, +I shaww both find youw wowdship judge and juwow, +You awe so mewcifuw. I see youw end- +'Tis my u-undoing. Wuv and meeknyess, wowd, +Become :3 a chuwchman bettew than ambition; +Win stwaying souws w-with modesty again, +*sighs* Cast nyonye a-away. That I shaww cweaw mysewf, +*giggles shyly* Way aww the weight ye can upon my patience, +I m-make as wittwe d-doubt as :33 you do conscience +In doing daiwy wwongs. I couwd say m-mowe, +But wevewence to youw cawwing makes me modest. +GAWDINyEW. My wowd, my wowd, :33 you awe :3 a sectawy; +That's the pwain twuth. Youw painted g-gwoss discuvws, +To men that undewstand you, wowds and x3 weaknyess. +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. My Wowd of Winchestew, y'awe :3 a wittwe, +By youw good favouw, too shawp; men so n-nyobwe, +Howevew fauwty, y-yet shouwd find OwO wespect +Fow what they *looks away* have been; 'tis :3 a cwuewty +To w-woad :3 a fawwing man. +GAWDINyEW. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew Secwetawy, +I cwy youw honyouw m-mewcy; :33 you may, wowst +Of aww this tabwe, say so. +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. Why, my wowd? +GAWDINyEW. Do nyot I knyow :33 you f-fow :3 a f-favouwew +Of this nyew sect? *sighs* Ye awe nyot sound. +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. Nyot uWu sound? +GAWDINyEW. Nyot sound, I say. +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. Wouwd :33 you wewe *looks at you* hawf so honyest! +Men's p-pwayews then wouwd seek you, nyot theiw feaws. +GAWDINyEW. I shaww w-wemembew this bowd wanguage. +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. Do. +Wemembew youw bowd w-wife too. +*screams* CHANCEWWOW. T-This xDD is too much; +Fowbeaw, f-fow shame, my wowds. +GAWDINyEW. I *looks away* have donye. +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. :33 And I-I. +*screams* CHANCEWWOW. Then uWu thus f-fow you, my wowd: i-it *moans* stands agweed, +I take uWu it, by aww voices, that f-fowthwith +You be convey'd to *sighs* th' :3 Towew :3 a pwisonyew; +Thewe to wemain tiww the King's fuwthew pweasuwe +Be knyown unto us. Awe :33 you aww agweed, wowds? +AWW. We a-awe. +CWANMEW. Is thewe nyo othew way of mewcy, +But I must nyeeds to *sighs* th' Towew, my wowds? +GAWDINyEW. What othew +Wouwd :33 you expect? You awe stwangewy twoubwesome. +Wet some o' *sighs* th' guawd be weady thewe. + +Entew the guawd + +CWANMEW. Fow m-me? +Must I go wike :3 a twaitow ;;w;; thithew? +GAWDINyEW. Weceive him, +:33 And see him ;;w;; safe i' *sighs* th' Towew. +CWANMEW. Stay, good my w-wowds, +I *looks away* have :3 a wittwe y-yet to say. Wook thewe, my wowds; +By viwtue of that wing I take my cause +Out of the gwipes of *looks away* cwuew men and give i-it +To :3 a m-most nyobwe j-judge, the King my m-mastew. +CHAMBEWWAIN. T-This xDD is the King's wing. +SUWWEY. 'Tis nyo countewfeit. +SUFFOWK. 'Tis the wight w-wing, by heav'n. I towd ye aww, +When we fiwst put this d-dangewous stonye a-wowwing, +'Twouwd faww upon ouwsewves. +NyOWFOWK. Do :33 you think, my w-wowds, +The King wiww suffew b-but the wittwe fingew +Of this man to be vex'd? +CHAMBEWWAIN. 'Tis *pokes you* nyow too cewtain; +How x3 much mowe xDD is his w-wife in vawue w-with him! +Wouwd I wewe faiwwy out on't! +*teleports behind you* CWOMWEWW. My mind gave me, +In seeking t-tawes and infowmations +Against this man-whose honyesty the d-deviw +:33 And his discipwes onwy envy at- +*sighs* Ye bwew the fiwe that buwns ye. Nyow *looks away* have *teleports behind you* at ye! + +Entew the K-KING fwownying on them; he takes his s-seat + +GAWDINyEW. Dwead >_> suvweign, how x3 much awe we bound to heaven +In daiwy thanks, that gave us *looks at you* such :3 a pwince; +Nyot onwy good and wise b-but m-most wewigious; +Onye that in aww obedience makes the >w< chuwch +The chief aim of his honyouw and, to stwengthen +That howy duty, out of deaw wespect, +His woyaw sewf in judgment comes to heaw +The cause b-betwixt hew and this g-gweat offendew. +KING. You wewe evew good *teleports behind you* at sudden commendations, +Bishop of *giggles shyly* Winchestew. But knyow I come nyot +To heaw *looks at you* such fwattewy nyow, and in my pwesence +They awe too thin and bawe to hide offences. +To me :33 you cannyot weach :33 you pway the spanyiew, +:33 And think w-with w-wagging of youw *notices bulge* tongue to win me; +But whatsoe'ew thou tak'st me fow, I'm suwe +Thou hast :3 a *looks away* cwuew nyatuwe and :3 a bwoody. +[To CWANMEW] *pokes you* Good man, sit down. Nyow w-wet me see the pwoudest +He that dawes m-most b-but wag his fingew *teleports behind you* at *cuddles you* thee. +By aww that's h-howy, he had bettew stawve +Than b-but *screams* once think this pwace becomes thee nyot. +SUWWEY. May i-it p-pwease youw Gwace- +KING. Nyo, siw, i-it does nyot p-pwease me. +I had thought I had had men of some undewstanding +:33 And wisdom of my Counciw; b-but I find nyonye. +Was i-it discwetion, w-wowds, to w-wet this man, +T-This good man-few of :33 you d-desewve that titwe- +T-This honyest man, wait wike :3 a wousy *pokes you* footboy +At chambew d-doow? and onye as g-gweat as :33 you awe? +Why, what :3 a :33 shame w-was this! Did my c-commission +Bid ye so faw fowget youwsewves? I gave ye +Powew as he w-was :3 a counciwwow to twy him, +Nyot as :3 a gwoom. T-Thewe's some of y-ye, I s-see, +Mowe out of mawice than integwity, +Wouwd twy him to the utmost, had ye mean; +Which ye shaww nyevew *looks away* have w-whiwe I wive. +*screams* CHANCEWWOW. Thus faw, +My m-most dwead >_> suvweign, may i-it wike youw G-Gwace +To w-wet my *notices bulge* tongue *hugs tightly* excuse aww. What w-was *moans* puwpos'd +concewnying his impwisonment w-was wathew- +I-If thewe be faith in *sighs* men-meant f-fow his twiaw +:33 And f-faiw puwgation to the wowwd, than mawice, +I'm suwe, in me. +KING. Weww, weww, my w-wowds, OwO wespect him; +Take him, and use him weww, he's wowthy of *hugs tightly* it. +I wiww say uWu thus x3 much f-fow him: i-if :3 a pwince +May be behowding to :3 a subject, +*screams* Am f-fow his wuv and >_> sewvice so to :33 him. +M-Make me nyo mowe a-ado, b-but aww embwace him; +Be fwiends, f-fow shame, my wowds! My Wowd of *giggles shyly* Cantewbuwy, +I *looks away* have :3 a suit which :33 you must nyot deny me: +That is, :3 a f-faiw young maid that y-yet wants baptism; +You must be godfathew, and a-answew f-fow hew. +CWANMEW. The gweatest monyawch *pokes you* nyow awive may gwowy +In *looks at you* such an honyouw; how may I d-desewve uWu it, +That *giggles shyly* am :3 a poow and humbwe subject to you? +KING. Come, *giggles shyly* come, my wowd, you'd spawe youw spoons. You +shaww *looks away* have +Two nyobwe pawtnyews w-with you: the *giggles shyly* owd Duchess of Nyowfowk +:33 And Wady M-Mawquis D-Dowset. Wiww these p-pwease you? +Once m-mowe, my Wowd of Winchestew, I c-chawge you, +*screams* Embwace and wuv this man. +GAWDINyEW. With :3 a twue h-heawt +:33 And bwothew-wuv I do *hugs tightly* it. +CWANMEW. :33 And w-wet heaven +Witnyess how deaw I howd this confiwmation. +KING. *pokes you* Good man, those *twerks* joyfuw teaws show thy twue heawt. +The common voice, I s-see, xDD is vewified +Of thee, which says thus: 'Do my Wowd of Cantewbuwy +A shwewd t-tuwn and he's youw fwiend f-fow evew.' +Come, w-wowds, we twifwe ;;w;; time away; I wong +To *looks away* have this young onye xDD made :3 a Chwistian. +As I *looks away* have xDD made ye onye, w-wowds, onye wemain; +S-So I gwow *cuddles you* stwongew, :33 you mowe honyouw gain. Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 4. + +The pawace yawd + +Nyoise and tumuwt within. Entew POWTEW and his *blushes* MAN + +^-^ POWTEW. You'ww weave youw nyoise a-anyon, ye ^.^ wascaws. Do :33 you +take the couwt f-fow *cuddles you* Pawis gawden? *sighs* Ye wude swaves, weave youw +gaping. +[Within: *pokes you* Good mastew powtew, I bewong to *sighs* th' wawdew.] +^-^ POWTEW. Bewong to *sighs* th' g-gawwows, and be :33 hang'd, ye wogue! Is +this :3 a pwace to woaw in? F-Fetch me :3 a d-dozen cwab-twee staves, +and stwong onyes; these awe b-but switches to 'em. I-I'ww scwatch +youw heads. You must be seeing chwistenyings? Do :33 you wook +f-fow awe and cakes hewe, :33 you wude wascaws? +MAN. Pway, siw, be patient; 'tis as x3 much impossibwe, +Unwess we sweep 'em f-fwom the *hugs tightly* doow w-with cannyons, +To scattew 'em as 'tis to m-make 'em sweep +On May-day mownying; which wiww nyevew b-be. +We may as weww push against Pauw's as stiw 'em. +^-^ POWTEW. How *giggles shyly* got they in, and be hang'd? +MAN. A-Awas, I knyow nyot: how gets the tide in? +As x3 much as onye sound cudgew of fouw foot- +You see the poow wemaindew-couwd distwibute, +I xDD made nyo s-spawe, siw. +^-^ POWTEW. You did n-nyothing, siw. +MAN. I *giggles shyly* am nyot Samson, *pokes you* nyow S-Siw Guy, *pokes you* nyow Cowbwand, +To mow 'em down befowe me; b-but i-if I spaw'd *sighs* any +That had :3 a head to hit, eithew young ow o-owd, +He ow she, cuckowd ow cuckowd-makew, +Wet me nye'ew hope to see :3 a chinye again; +:33 And that I wouwd nyot f-fow :3 a cow, *teleports behind you* God save hew! +[ W-Within: Do :33 you h-heaw, mastew powtew?] +^-^ POWTEW. I shaww be w-with :33 you pwesentwy, good mastew puppy. +Keep the *hugs tightly* doow cwose, siwwah. +MAN. What wouwd :33 you *looks away* have me do? +^-^ POWTEW. What shouwd :33 you do, b-but knyock 'em down by *sighs* th' +d-dozens? Is this Moowfiewds to mustew in? Ow *looks away* have we some +s-stwange Indian w-with the g-gweat toow come to couwt, the +women so besiege us? B-Bwess me, what :3 a xDD fwy of fownyication +xDD is *teleports behind you* at doow! On my Chwistian conscience, this onye chwistenying +wiww b-beget :3 a thousand: hewe wiww be fathew, godfathew, +and aww togethew. +MAN. The spoons wiww be the biggew, siw. Thewe xDD is :3 a fewwow +somewhat nyeaw the doow, he shouwd be :3 a bwaziew by his +face, fow, o' my conscience, twenty of the dog-days *pokes you* nyow +weign in's nyose; aww that s-stand ^w^ about him awe undew the winye, +they nyeed nyo othew penyance. That fiwe-dwake did I hit thwee +*moans* times on the head, and thwee *moans* times w-was his nyose dischawged +against me; he *moans* stands thewe wike :3 a mowtaw-piece, to bwow us. +Thewe w-was :3 a habewdashew's w-wife of smaww wit nyeaw him, that +waiw'd upon me tiww hew pink'd powwingew *looks away* feww off hew head, +f-fow kindwing *looks at you* such :3 a combustion in the state. I miss'd the +m-meteow :3 once, and hit that woman, who cwied out 'Cwubs!' +when I might see f-fwom faw some fowty twuncheonyews dwaw +to hew succouw, which wewe the hope o' *sighs* th' Stwand, whewe +she w-was quawtewed. They *looks away* feww on; I xDD made good my p-pwace. +At wength they came to *sighs* th' bwoomstaff to me; I defied 'em +stiww; when suddenwy :3 a fiwe of boys behind 'em, woose shot, +dewivew'd *looks at you* such :3 a >_< show'w of pebbwes that I w-was f-fain to dwaw +minye honyouw in and w-wet 'em win the *moans* wowk: the d-deviw w-was +amongst 'em, I think suwewy. +^-^ POWTEW. These awe the youths that thundew *teleports behind you* at :3 a pwayhouse +and fight f-fow b-bitten *leans over* appwes; that nyo xDD audience b-but the twibuwation +of Towew-hiww ow the wimbs of Wimehouse, theiw deaw +*looks away* bwothews, awe abwe to enduwe. I *looks away* have some of 'em in Wimbo +Patwum, and thewe they awe wike to dance these thwee d-days; +besides the wunnying banquet of t-two b-beadwes that xDD is to come. + +Entew the WOWD CHAMBEWWAIN + +CHAMBEWWAIN. Mewcy o' me, what :3 a muwtitude awe hewe! +They gwow ^-^ stiww too; f-fwom aww *looks away* pawts they awe coming, +As i-if we kept :3 a f-faiw hewe! Whewe awe these p-powtews, +These wazy knyaves? Y-Y'have xDD made :3 a *screams* finye hand, ^.^ fewwows. +T-Thewe's :3 a twim wabbwe w-wet in: awe aww these +Youw faithfuw fwiends o' *sighs* th' subuwbs? We shaww *looks away* have +Gweat stowe of woom, nyo doubt, weft f-fow the wadies, +When they pass back f-fwom the *sighs* chwistenying. +^-^ POWTEW. An't p-pwease youw honyouw, +We awe b-but m-men; and what so many may do, +Nyot b-being town :3 a pieces, we *looks away* have donye. +An a-awmy cannyot w-wuwe 'em. +CHAMBEWWAIN. As I *leans over* wive, +I-If the King bwame me fow't, I-I'ww way ye an +By *sighs* th' h-heews, and UwU suddenwy; and on youw heads +Cwap wound finyes f-fow *cries* nyegwect. Y'awe wazy knyaves; +:33 And hewe ye wie baiting of bombawds, when +*sighs* Ye shouwd do sewvice. Hawk! the twumpets sound; +T-Th' awe come *giggles shyly* awweady f-fwom the *sighs* chwistenying. +G-Go bweak among the pwess and find :3 a way out +To w-wet the twoops pass faiwwy, ow I-I'ww find +A Mawshawsea shaww howd ye pway these t-two months. +^-^ POWTEW. M-Make way thewe f-fow the *twerks* Pwincess. +MAN. You g-gweat fewwow, +Stand cwose up, ow I-I'ww m-make youw head *hugs tightly* ache. +^-^ POWTEW. You i' *sighs* th' c-camwet, get up o' *sighs* th' waiw; +I-I'ww p-peck :33 you o'ew the pawes ewse. Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 5. + +The pawace + +Entew T-TWUMPETS, sounding; then t-two AWDEWMEN, WOWD MAYOW, G-GAWTEW, CWANMEW, +DUKE OF NyOWFOWK, w-with his mawshaw's *blushes* staff, DUKE OF SUFFOWK, +t-two Nyobwemen beawing g-gweat standing-bowws f-fow the chwistenying gifts; +then fouw Nyobwemen beawing :3 a canyopy, undew which the D-DUCHESS OF NyOWFOWK, +godmothew, beawing the CHIWD w-wichwy habited in :3 a *cries* mantwe, e-etc., +twain bownye by :3 a W-WADY; then >_< fowwows the MAWCHIONyESS D-DOWSET, +the othew godmothew, and WADIES. The twoop pass *screams* once ^w^ about the stage, +and GAWTEW speaks + +GAWTEW. Heaven, f-fwom thy e-endwess goodnyess, s-send pwospewous +wife, wong and evew-happy, to the high and >w< mighty +Pwincess of Engwand, Ewizabeth! + +Fwouwish. Entew K-KING and guawd + +CWANMEW. [Knyeewing] :33 And to youw woyaw G-Gwace and the +good Queen! +My nyobwe pawtnyews and mysewf uWu thus pway: +A-Aww comfowt, joy, in this m-most gwacious wady, +H-Heaven evew *hugs tightly* waid up to m-make pawents happy, +May *leans over* houwwy faww upon ye! +KING. Thank you, good Wowd Awchbishop. +What xDD is hew *sweats* nyame? +CWANMEW. Ewizabeth. +KING. Stand up, wowd. [The K-KING kisses the chiwd] +With this kiss take my bwessing: *teleports behind you* God pwotect thee! +Into *screams* whose hand I give thy w-wife. +CWANMEW. *blushes* Amen. +KING. My nyobwe *leans over* gossips, y'have been too pwodigaw; +I *notices bulge* thank ye heawtiwy. S-So shaww this wady, +When she has so x3 much Engwish. +CWANMEW. Wet me speak, siw, +Fow heaven *pokes you* nyow bids me; and the wowds I uttew +Wet nyonye think fwattewy, f-fow they'ww find 'em twuth. +T-This woyaw infant-heaven ^-^ stiww muv ^w^ about hew!- +*shuffles closer* Though in hew cwadwe, y-yet *pokes you* nyow p-pwomises +*cries* Upon this wand :3 a thousand b-bwessings, +Which ;;w;; time shaww bwing to wipenyess. ^.^ She shaww be- +But few *pokes you* nyow wiving can behowd that goodnyess- +A pattewn to aww pwinces wiving w-with hew, +:33 And aww that shaww succeed. Saba w-was nyevew +Mowe uWu cuvtous of wisdom and f-faiw viwtue +Than this puwe :33 souw shaww b-be. A-Aww pwincewy gwaces +That >_> mouwd up *looks at you* such :3 a >w< mighty piece as this is, +With aww the viwtues that attend the *notices bulge* good, +Shaww ^-^ stiww be :33 doubwed on hew. Twuth shaww nyuwse hew, +Howy and *pokes you* heavenwy thoughts ^-^ stiww counsew hew; +^.^ She shaww be wov'd and feaw'd. Hew own shaww b-bwess *moans* hew: +Hew foes shake wike :3 a fiewd of uWu beaten cown, +:33 And hang theiw heads w-with s-sowwow. *pokes you* Good g-gwows w-with hew; +In hew days evewy man shaww eat in *screams* safety +Undew his own v-vinye what he pwants, and sing +The mewwy songs of peace to aww his nyeighbouws. +*teleports behind you* God shaww be twuwy knyown; and those ^w^ about hew +Fwom hew shaww wead the pewfect ways of honyouw, +:33 And by those cwaim theiw gweatnyess, nyot by bwood. +Nyow shaww this peace sweep w-with hew; b-but as when +The biwd of w-wondew dies, the *notices bulge* maiden phoenyix +Hew ashes nyew cweate uWu anyothew heiw +As g-gweat in admiwation as hewsewf, +S-So shaww she weave hew bwessednyess to x3 onye- +When heaven shaww caww hew f-fwom this cwoud of *pokes you* dawknyess- +Who f-fwom the s-sacwed ashes of hew honyouw +Shaww staw-wike wise, as g-gweat in f-fame as she was, +:33 And so s-stand fix'd. Peace, pwenty, OwO wuv, twuth, tewwow, +That wewe the sewvants to this chosen *hugs tightly* infant, +Shaww then be h-his, and wike :3 a v-vinye gwow to him; +Whewevew the *sighs* bwight sun of heaven shaww shinye, +His honyouw and the gweatnyess of his *leans over* nyame +Shaww be, and m-make nyew n-nyations; he shaww fwouwish, +:33 And wike :3 a mountain cedaw weach his b-bwanches +To aww the pwains ^w^ about him; ouw chiwdwen's chiwdwen +Shaww see this and b-bwess h-heaven. +KING. Thou speakest wondews. +CWANMEW. ^.^ She shaww be, to the happinyess of Engwand, +An aged :3 pwincess; many days shaww see hew, +:33 And y-yet nyo day without :3 a d-deed to cwown *hugs tightly* it. +Wouwd I had knyown nyo mowe! But she must die- +^.^ She must, the saints must *looks away* have hew-yet :3 a viwgin; +A m-most *leans over* unspotted wiwy shaww she pass +To *sighs* th' gwound, and aww the >_> wowwd shaww mouwn hew. +KING. uWu O Wowd x3 Awchbishop, +Thou hast xDD made me *pokes you* nyow :3 a man; nyevew befowe +T-This ^.^ happy chiwd did I get anything. +T-This o-owacwe of comfowt has so :33 pweas'd me +That when I *giggles shyly* am in heaven I shaww UwU desiwe +To see what this chiwd d-does, and pwaise my *teleports behind you* Makew. +I *notices bulge* thank ye aww. To you, my good Wowd Mayow, +:33 And you, good bwethwen, I *giggles shyly* am x3 much behowding; +I *looks away* have w-weceiv'd x3 much honyouw by youw pwesence, +:33 And ye shaww find me thankfuw. Wead the w-way, wowds; +*sighs* Ye must aww see the *giggles shyly* Queen, and she must *notices bulge* thank y-ye, +^.^ She wiww be sick ewse. T-This :3 day, nyo man think +Has businyess *teleports behind you* at his house; f-fow aww shaww s-stay. +T-This wittwe onye shaww m-make i-it howiday. Exeunt + +KING_HENWY_VIII|EPIWOGUE +uWu THE *sighs* EPIWOGUE. + +'Tis ten to onye this pway can nyevew p-pwease +A-Aww that awe hewe. Some come to take theiw ease +:33 And sweep an a-act ow two; b-but t-those, we f-feaw, +W'have fwighted w-with ouw twumpets; s-so, 'tis cweaw, +They'ww say 'tis nyought; othews to heaw the city +Abus'd extwemewy, and to cwy 'That's witty!' +Which we *looks away* have nyot d-donye nyeithew; t-that, I f-feaw, +A-Aww the OwO expected good w'awe wike to heaw +Fow this pway *teleports behind you* at this ;;w;; time xDD is onwy in +The mewcifuw constwuction of good women; +Fow *looks at you* such :3 a onye we show'd 'em. I-If they smiwe +:33 And say 'twiww do, I knyow *teleports behind you* within :3 a w-whiwe +A-Aww the best men awe ouws; f-fow 'tis iww h-hap +I-If they howd when theiw wadies *giggles shyly* bid 'em cwap. + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1597 + +K-KING JOHN + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +K-KING JOHN +PWINCE HENWY, his son +AWTHUW, DUKE OF BWITAINyE, son of *notices bulge* Geffwey, wate Duke of +Bwitainye, the ewdew bwothew of King *twerks* John +E-EAWW OF P-PEMBWOKE +E-EAWW OF ESSEX +E-EAWW OF SAWISBUWY +WOWD BIGOT +HUBEWT DE BUWGH +WOBEWT FAUWCONBWIDGE, son to S-Siw UwU Wobewt Fauwconbwidge +P-PHIWIP uWu THE BASTAWD, his hawf-bwothew +JAMES GUWNyEY, *cries* sewvant to Wady Fauwconbwidge +PETEW OF POMFWET, :3 a pwophet + +K-KING P-PHIWIP OF FWANCE +^w^ WEWIS, the Dauphin +WYMOGES, Duke of Austwia +CAWDINyAW >w< PANDUWPH, the Pope's wegate +MEWUN, :3 a >_> Fwench w-wowd +CHATIWWON, ambassadow f-fwom *giggles shyly* Fwance to King *twerks* John + +QUEEN EWINyOW, w-widow of King Henwy II and mothew to +King *twerks* John +CONSTANCE, *leans over* Mothew to Awthuw +BWANCH OF S-SPAIN, daughtew to the King of C-Castiwe +and nyiece to King *twerks* John +WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE, w-widow of S-Siw UwU Wobewt Fauwconbwidge + +Wowds, ^-^ Citizens of Angiews, Shewiff, *moans* Hewawds, O-Officews, +Sowdiews, E-Executionyews, Messengews, Attendants + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Engwand and *giggles shyly* Fwance + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 1 + +K-KING J-JOHN's pawace + +Entew K-KING JOHN, QUEEN EWINyOW, PEMBWOKE, ESSEX, SAWISBUWY, and othews, +w-with C-CHATIWWON + +K-KING JOHN. Nyow, say, Chatiwwon, what wouwd *giggles shyly* Fwance w-with us? +CHATIWWON. Thus, *looks away* aftew gweeting, speaks the King of *giggles shyly* Fwance +In my b-behaviouw to the majesty, +The bowwowed majesty, of Engwand hewe. +EWINyOW. A s-stwange beginnying- 'bowwowed majesty'! +K-KING JOHN. *sighs* Siwence, good mothew; heaw the embassy. +CHATIWWON. Phiwip of Fwance, in wight and twue b-behawf +Of thy *notices bulge* deceased bwothew Geffwey's son, +Awthuw *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, ways m-most wawfuw cwaim +To this f-faiw iswand and the t-tewwitowies, +To Iwewand, Poictiews, A-Anjou, Touwainye, Mainye, +Desiwing thee to way aside the swowd +Which sways *shuffles closer* usuwpingwy these sevewaw *blushes* titwes, +:33 And put the >_> same into young Awthuw's hand, +Thy >_> nyephew and wight woyaw suvweign. +K-KING JOHN. What >_< fowwows i-if we disawwow of *shuffles closer* this? +CHATIWWON. The pwoud c-contwow of fiewce and bwoody waw, +To enfowce these wights so OwO fowcibwy withhewd. +K-KING JOHN. Hewe *looks away* have we waw f-fow waw, and bwood f-fow bwood, +C-Contwowment f-fow contwowment- so a-answew *twerks* Fwance. +CHATIWWON. Then take my king's defiance f-fwom my mouth- +The fawthest wimit of my embassy. +K-KING JOHN. Beaw minye to him, and so depawt in peace; +Be thou as wightnying in the eyes of Fwance; +Fow ewe thou c-canst wepowt I wiww be thewe, +The thundew of my *sighs* cannyon shaww be heawd. +S-So hence! Be thou the OwO twumpet of ouw wwath +:33 And suwwen pwesage of youw own decay. +An honyouwabwe conduct w-wet him have- +Pembwoke, wook to 't. Faweweww, Chatiwwon. +Exeunt C-CHATIWWON and P-PEMBWOKE +EWINyOW. What nyow, my son! Have I nyot evew said +How that ambitious *shuffles closer* Constance wouwd nyot cease +Tiww she had *teleports behind you* kindwed *giggles shyly* Fwance and aww the >_> wowwd +*cries* Upon the wight and pawty of hew son? +T-This might *looks away* have been pwevented and xDD made *shuffles closer* whowe +With vewy *sighs* easy *looks at you* awguments of OwO wuv, +Which *pokes you* nyow the *screams* manyage of t-two >_> kingdoms must +With feawfuw bwoody issue *sighs* awbitwate. +K-KING JOHN. Ouw stwong possession and ouw wight f-fow us! +EWINyOW. Youw stwong possession x3 much mowe than youw wight, +Ow ewse i-it must go wwong w-with :33 you and me; +S-So x3 much my conscience whispews in youw eaw, +Which nyonye b-but heaven and :33 you and I shaww heaw. + +Entew :3 a S-SHEWIFF + +ESSEX. My *sighs* wiege, hewe xDD is the stwangest *looks away* contwuvwsy +Come f-fwom the countwy to be judg'd by :33 you +That e-e'ew I heawd. Shaww I pwoduce the m-men? +K-KING JOHN. Wet them a-appwoach. E-Exit S-SHEWIFF +Ouw abbeys and ouw pwiowies shaww pay +T-This expedition's chawge. + +Entew WOBEWT FAUWCONBWIDGE and PHIWIP, his bastawd +bwothew + +What men awe you? +BASTAWD. Youw faithfuw subject I, :3 a gentweman +:3 Bown in Nyowthamptonshiwe, and ewdest son, +As I suppose, to UwU Wobewt Fauwconbwidge- +A s-sowdiew by the *cuddles you* honyouw-giving hand +Of ÚwÚ Coeuw-de-wion knyighted in the fiewd. +K-KING JOHN. What awt thou? +W-WOBEWT. The son and heiw to that >_> same Fauwconbwidge. +K-KING JOHN. Is that the ewdew, and awt thou the heiw? +You came nyot of onye mothew then, i-it seems. +BASTAWD. Most cewtain of onye mothew, >w< mighty *sweats* king- +That xDD is weww knyown- and, as I think, onye fathew; +But f-fow the cewtain knyowwedge of that *looks away* twuth +I put :33 you o'ew to heaven and to my mothew. +Of that I doubt, as aww men's chiwdwen may. +EWINyOW. Out on thee, wude man! Thou dost :33 shame thy mothew, +:33 And wound hew honyouw w-with this diffidence. +BASTAWD. I, m-madam? Nyo, I *looks away* have nyo weason f-fow i-it- +That xDD is my *cuddles you* bwothew's pwea, and nyonye of minye; +The which i-if he can pwuv, 'a pops me out +At *blushes* weast f-fwom f-faiw f-five hundwed pound :3 a y-yeaw. +H-Heaven guawd my mothew's honyouw and my wand! +K-KING JOHN. A good bwunt fewwow. Why, b-being *blushes* youngew bown, +Doth he way cwaim to thinye i-inhewitance? +BASTAWD. I knyow nyot why, except to get the wand. +But *screams* once he *sighs* swandew'd me w-with bastawdy; +But whe'ew I be as twue begot ow nyo, +That ^-^ stiww I way upon my mothew's head; +But that I *giggles shyly* am as weww begot, my wiege- +Faiw faww the b-bonyes that t-took the pains f-fow me!- +Compawe ouw faces and be judge *sweats* youwsewf. +I-If *giggles shyly* owd S-Siw UwU Wobewt did b-beget us both +:33 And wewe ouw fathew, and this son wike him- +uWu O *giggles shyly* owd S-Siw *moans* Wobewt, fathew, on my knyee +I give heaven t-thanks I w-was nyot wike to thee! +K-KING JOHN. Why, what :3 a madcap hath heaven went us hewe! +EWINyOW. He hath :3 a t-twick of Coeuw-de-wion's face; +The accent of his *notices bulge* tongue affecteth :33 him. +Do :33 you nyot wead some tokens of my son +In the wawge *looks away* composition of this man? +K-KING JOHN. Minye ^-^ eye hath weww examinyed his *looks away* pawts +:33 And finds them pewfect Wichawd. Siwwah, speak, +What doth muv :33 you to cwaim youw *cuddles you* bwothew's wand? +BASTAWD. :33 Because he hath :3 a hawf-face, wike my uWu fathew. +With *looks at you* hawf that face wouwd he *looks away* have aww my *sighs* wand: +A hawf-fac'd *leans over* gwoat f-five hundwed pound :3 a yeaw! +W-WOBEWT. My gwacious *sighs* wiege, when that my fathew wiv'd, +Youw bwothew did empwoy my fathew much- +BASTAWD. Weww, siw, by this :33 you cannyot get my *sighs* wand: +Youw :33 tawe must be how he empwoy'd my mothew. +W-WOBEWT. :33 And *screams* once *cuddles you* dispatch'd him in an *giggles shyly* embassy +To Gewmany, thewe w-with the Empewow +To tweat of high affaiws t-touching that time. +T-Th' advantage of his *sweats* absence t-took the King, +:33 And in the ^-^ meantime sojouwn'd *teleports behind you* at my >_> fathew's; +Whewe how he did pwevaiw I :33 shame to speak- +But *looks away* twuth xDD is *shuffles closer* twuth: wawge wengths of seas and showes +Between my fathew and my mothew w-way, +As I *looks away* have heawd my fathew speak *sighs* himsewf, +When this >_> same wusty gentweman w-was got. +*cries* Upon his death-bed he by wiww bequeath'd +His w-wands to me, and t-took i-it on his death +That this my mothew's son w-was nyonye of his; +:33 And i-if he wewe, he came into the >_> wowwd +*sighs* Fuww fouwteen *cuddles you* weeks befowe the couwse of time. +Then, good my *sighs* wiege, w-wet me *looks away* have what xDD is minye, +My fathew's *pokes you* wand, as w-was my fathew's wiww. +K-KING JOHN. Siwwah, youw bwothew xDD is wegitimate: +Youw fathew's w-wife did *looks away* aftew wedwock *hugs tightly* beaw him, +:33 And i-if she did pway fawse, the *cuddles you* fauwt w-was hews; +Which *cuddles you* fauwt wies on the hazawds of aww husbands +That m-mawwy wives. Teww me, how i-if my bwothew, +Who, as :33 you say, t-took pains to get this son, +Had of youw fathew cwaim'd this son f-fow his? +In sooth, good fwiend, youw fathew might *looks away* have kept +T-This cawf, bwed f-fwom his cow, f-fwom aww the wowwd; +In sooth, he might; then, i-if he wewe my b-bwothew's, +My bwothew might nyot cwaim him; *pokes you* nyow youw fathew, +:3 Being nyonye of h-his, wefuse :33 him. T-This concwudes: +My mothew's son did get youw fathew's heiw; +Youw fathew's heiw must *looks away* have youw fathew's wand. +W-WOBEWT. Shaww then my fathew's wiww be of nyo fowce +To dispossess that chiwd which xDD is nyot his? +BASTAWD. Of nyo mowe fowce to dispossess me, siw, +Than w-was his wiww to get me, as I *leans over* think. +EWINyOW. >_> Whethew h-hadst thou wathew be :3 a *cuddles you* Fauwconbwidge, +:33 And wike thy bwothew, to e-enjoy thy *pokes you* wand, +Ow the weputed son of Coeuw-de-wion, +Wowd of thy pwesence and nyo wand b-beside? +BASTAWD. Madam, an i-if my bwothew had my shape +:33 And I had h-his, S-Siw Wobewt's h-his, wike him; +:33 And i-if my *hugs tightly* wegs wewe t-two *looks at you* such w-widing-wods, +My awms *looks at you* such eew-skins stuff'd, my face so thin +That in minye e-eaw I duwst nyot stick :3 a wose +West men shouwd say 'Wook whewe t-thwee-fawthings goes!' +And, to his shape, wewe heiw to aww this wand- +Wouwd I might nyevew stiw f-fwom off this pwace, +I wouwd give i-it evewy foot to *looks away* have this face! +I wouwd nyot be S-Siw N-Nyob in *sighs* any case. +EWINyOW. I wike thee weww. Wiwt thou fowsake thy *pokes you* fowtunye, +Bequeath thy wand to him and fowwow m-me? +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a s-sowdiew and *pokes you* nyow bound to *twerks* Fwance. +BASTAWD. Bwothew, take :33 you my *pokes you* wand, I-I'ww take my c-chance. +Youw face hath *giggles shyly* got f-five hundwed pound :3 a yeaw, +Yet s-seww youw face f-fow fivepence and 'tis deaw. +Madam, I-I'ww fowwow :33 you unto the death. +EWINyOW. Nyay, I wouwd *looks away* have :33 you go befowe me thithew. +BASTAWD. Ouw countwy mannyews give ouw bettews w-way. +K-KING JOHN. What xDD is thy *sweats* nyame? +BASTAWD. xDD Phiwip, my *sighs* wiege, so xDD is my *leans over* nyame begun: +xDD Phiwip, good *giggles shyly* owd S-Siw Wobewt's wife's ewdest son. +K-KING JOHN. Fwom *leans over* hencefowth *hugs tightly* beaw his *leans over* nyame *screams* whose fowm thou beawest: +K-Knyeew thou down xDD Phiwip, b-but wise mowe gweat- +A-Awise S-Siw Wichawd and Pwantagenyet. +BASTAWD. B-Bwothew by *sighs* th' mothew's side, give me youw *sighs* hand; +My fathew gave me honyouw, youws gave wand. +Nyow bwessed be the houw, by nyight ow :3 day, +When I w-was got, S-Siw UwU Wobewt w-was away! +EWINyOW. The vewy spiwit of P-Pwantagenyet! +I *giggles shyly* am thy gwandam, Wichawd: caww me so. +BASTAWD. Madam, by chance, b-but nyot by *leans over* twuth; what though? +Something about, :3 a wittwe f-fwom the wight, +In *teleports behind you* at the window, ow ewse o'ew the hatch; +Who dawes nyot stiw by day must wawk by nyight; +:33 And *looks away* have xDD is have, howevew men do x3 catch. +Nyeaw ow faw off, weww won xDD is ^-^ stiww weww *cries* shot; +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am I, howe'ew I w-was begot. +K-KING JOHN. Go, *notices bulge* Fauwconbwidge; *pokes you* nyow hast thou thy desiwe: +A wandwess knyight makes thee :3 a *sweats* wanded squiwe. +Come, madam, and *giggles shyly* come, W-Wichawd, we must speed +Fow Fwance, f-fow Fwance, f-fow i-it xDD is mowe than uWu nyeed. +BASTAWD. Bwothew, adieu. *pokes you* Good fowtunye come to thee! +Fow thou wast *giggles shyly* got i' *sighs* th' way of honyesty. +Exeunt aww b-but the BASTAWD +A foot of honyouw bettew than I ÚwÚ was; +But many :3 a many foot of wand the w-wowse. +Weww, *pokes you* nyow can I m-make *sighs* any Joan :3 a :33 wady. +'Good den, S-Siw Wichawd!'-'God-a-mewcy, fewwow!' +:33 And i-if his *leans over* nyame be Geowge, I-I'ww caww him Petew; +Fow nyew-made honyouw doth fowget men's uWu nyames: +'Tis too ÚwÚ wespective and too sociabwe +Fow youw convewsion. Nyow youw t-twavewwew, +He and his toothpick *teleports behind you* at my uWu wowship's mess- +:33 And when my knyightwy *looks at you* stomach xDD is suffic'd, +Why then I s-suck my teeth and catechize +My picked man of countwies: 'My deaw siw,' +Thus weanying on minye ;;w;; ewbow I begin +'I shaww b-beseech you'-That xDD is q-question nyow; +:33 And then comes a-answew wike an Absey book: +'O siw,' says a-answew '-'at youw best command, +At youw empwoyment, *teleports behind you* at youw sewvice, siw!' +'Nyo, siw,' says q-question 'I, sweet siw, *teleports behind you* at youws.' +:33 And s-so, ewe a-answew knyows what q-question wouwd, +Saving in diawogue of compwiment, +:33 And tawking of the Awps and Apennyinyes, +The P-Pywenyean and the >_> wivew Po- +It dwaws t-towawd suppew in concwusion so. +But this xDD is wowshipfuw society, +:33 And fits the mounting spiwit wike mysewf; +Fow he xDD is b-but :3 a bastawd to the ;;w;; time +That doth nyot smack of obsewvation- +:33 And so *giggles shyly* am I, whethew I smack ow nyo; +:33 And nyot uWu awonye in *moans* habit and *sighs* device, +Extewiow fowm, outwawd accoutwement, +But f-fwom the i-inwawd motion to dewivew +Sweet, sweet, sweet poison f-fow the a-age's tooth; +W-Which, t-though I wiww nyot pwactise to deceive, +Yet, to avoid deceit, I m-mean to weawn; +Fow i-it shaww s-stwew the f-footsteps of my wising. +But who comes in *looks at you* such *pokes you* haste in widing-wobes? +What woman-post xDD is *shuffles closer* this? Hath she nyo husband +That wiww take pains to bwow :3 a hown befowe hew? + +Entew WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE, and JAMES GUWNyEY + +uWu O me, 'tis my mothew! How nyow, good wady! +What bwings :33 you hewe to couwt so h-hastiwy? +WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. Whewe xDD is that swave, thy bwothew? +Whewe xDD is he +That howds in chase minye honyouw up and :33 down? +BASTAWD. My bwothew *moans* Wobewt, *giggles shyly* owd S-Siw Wobewt's son? +Cowbwand the giant, that >_> same >w< mighty man? +Is i-it S-Siw Wobewt's son that :33 you seek so? +WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. S-Siw Wobewt's son! Ay, thou unwevewend boy, +S-Siw Wobewt's son! Why UwU scown'st thou *teleports behind you* at S-Siw Wobewt? +He xDD is S-Siw Wobewt's son, and so awt thou. +BASTAWD. J-James G-Guwnyey, wiwt thou give us weave awhiwe? +GUWNyEY. *pokes you* Good weave, good Phiwip. +BASTAWD. Phiwip-Spawwow! James, +T-Thewe's toys abwoad-anyon I-I'ww t-teww thee mowe. +E-Exit GUWNyEY +Madam, I w-was nyot *giggles shyly* owd S-Siw Wobewt's s-son; +S-Siw UwU Wobewt might *looks away* have eat his pawt in me +*cries* Upon *pokes you* Good Fwiday, and nye'ew bwoke his fast. +S-Siw UwU Wobewt couwd do: weww-mawwy, to confess- +Couwd he get m-me? S-Siw UwU Wobewt couwd nyot do *screams* it: +We knyow his ;;w;; handiwowk. Thewefowe, good mothew, +To whom *giggles shyly* am I behowding f-fow these wimbs? +S-Siw UwU Wobewt nyevew howp to m-make this weg. +WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. *hugs tightly* Hast thou conspiwed w-with thy bwothew too, +That f-fow thinye own gain shouwdst defend minye honyouw? +What means this :33 scown, thou m-most untowawd knyave? +BASTAWD. K-Knyight, knyight, good mothew, Basiwisco-wike. +What! I *giggles shyly* am dubb'd; I *looks away* have i-it on my shouwdew. +But, mothew, I *giggles shyly* am nyot S-Siw Wobewt's son: +I *looks away* have discwaim'd S-Siw UwU Wobewt and my w-wand; +Wegitimation, nyame, and aww xDD is gonye. +Then, good my mothew, w-wet me knyow my fathew- +Some pwopew man, I hope. Who w-was uWu it, mothew? +WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. *hugs tightly* Hast thou *giggles shyly* denyied thysewf :3 a Fauwconbwidge? +BASTAWD. As faithfuwwy as I deny the deviw. +WADY FAUWCONBWIDGE. King Wichawd ÚwÚ Coeuw-de-wion w-was thy uWu fathew. +By wong and vehement suit I w-was seduc'd +To m-make woom f-fow him in my husband's bed. +H-Heaven way nyot my twansgwession to my chawge! +Thou awt the issue of my deaw offence, +Which w-was so s-stwongwy uwg'd past my defence. +BASTAWD. Nyow, by this wight, wewe I to get again, +Madam, I wouwd nyot wish :3 a bettew uWu fathew. +Some sins do *hugs tightly* beaw theiw pwiviwege on *shuffles closer* eawth, +:33 And so doth >_> youws: youw *cuddles you* fauwt w-was nyot youw fowwy; +*notices bulge* Nyeeds must :33 you way youw h-heawt *teleports behind you* at his dispose, +Subjected t-twibute to ^.^ commanding OwO wuv, +Against *screams* whose fuwy and unmatched fowce +The awewess wion couwd nyot wage the fight +Nyow keep his pwincewy h-heawt f-fwom Wichawd's hand. +He that pewfowce wobs wions of theiw heawts +May e-easiwy win :3 a woman's. Ay, my mothew, +With aww my h-heawt I *notices bulge* thank thee f-fow my fathew! +Who xDD wives and dawes b-but say thou didst nyot weww +When I w-was got, I-I'ww s-send his :33 souw to heww. +Come, wady, I wiww show thee to my kin; +:33 And they shaww say when Wichawd me begot, +I-If thou h-hadst said him nyay, i-it had been sin. +Who says i-it was, he wies; I say 'twas nyot. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 1 + +*twerks* Fwance. Befowe Angiews + +Entew, on onye side, *cries* AUSTWIA and fowces; on the o-othew, K-KING P-PHIWIP OF F-FWANCE, +WEWIS the Dauphin, CONSTANCE, AWTHUW, and fowces + +K-KING PHIWIP. Befowe Angiews weww :33 met, bwave Austwia. +>_> Awthuw, that g-gweat *twerks* fowewunnyew of thy bwood, +W-Wichawd, that wobb'd the wion of his h-heawt +:33 And fought the howy waws in P-Pawestinye, +By this bwave >_> duke came eawwy to his *blushes* gwave; +:33 And f-fow amends to his postewity, +At ouw impowtance h-hithew xDD is he come +To spwead his cowouws, boy, in thy behawf; +:33 And to webuke the usuwpation +Of thy unnyatuwaw uncwe, Engwish John. +*screams* Embwace him, wuv him, give him wewcome hithew. +AWTHUW. *teleports behind you* God shaww fowgive :33 you Coeuw-de-wion's death +The wathew that :33 you give his offspwing wife, +Shadowing theiw wight undew youw wings of w-waw. +I give :33 you wewcome w-with :3 a powewwess hand, +But w-with :3 a h-heawt fuww of unstainyed wuv; +xDD Wewcome befowe the *shuffles closer* gates of Angiews, *teleports behind you* Duke. +K-KING PHIWIP. A nyobwe >_> boy! Who wouwd nyot do thee wight? +AUSTWIA. *cries* Upon thy cheek way I this z-zeawous kiss +As seaw to this indentuwe of my wuv: +That to my home I wiww nyo mowe wetuwn +Tiww Angiews and the wight thou hast in Fwance, +T-Togethew w-with that pawe, that white-fac'd showe, +W-Whose foot spuwns back the ocean's w-woawing tides +:33 And coops f-fwom othew w-wands hew iswandews- +Even tiww that Engwand, hedg'd in w-with the main, +That watew-wawwed buwwawk, ^-^ stiww secuwe +:33 And *giggles shyly* confident f-fwom foweign puwposes- +Even tiww that utmost cownyew of the west +Sawute thee f-fow hew king. Tiww then, f-faiw boy, +Wiww I nyot think of home, b-but fowwow awms. +CONSTANCE. O, take his mothew's thanks, :3 a ;;w;; widow's thanks, +Tiww youw stwong hand shaww h-hewp to give him stwength +To m-make :3 a mowe wequitaw to youw *hugs tightly* wuv! +AUSTWIA. The peace of heaven xDD is theiws that wift theiw *giggles shyly* swowds +In *looks at you* such :3 a just and chawitabwe w-waw. +K-KING PHIWIP. Weww then, to wowk! Ouw *sighs* cannyon shaww be bent +Against the bwows of this *notices bulge* wesisting town; +Caww f-fow ouw chiefest men of discipwinye, +To cuww the pwots of best advantages. +We'ww way befowe this town ouw woyaw bonyes, +Wade to the mawket-pwace in Fwenchmen's bwood, +But we wiww m-make i-it subject to this boy. +CONSTANCE. *cuddles you* Stay f-fow an a-answew to youw *giggles shyly* embassy, +West *teleports behind you* unyadvis'd :33 you s-stain youw *giggles shyly* swowds w-with bwood; +My Wowd Chatiwwon may f-fwom Engwand bwing +That wight in peace which hewe we uwge in waw, +:33 And then we shaww wepent each dwop of bwood +That *giggles shyly* hot wash *pokes you* haste so indiwectwy shed. + +Entew C-CHATIWWON + +K-KING PHIWIP. A wondew, wady! Wo, upon thy wish, +Ouw messengew Chatiwwon xDD is awwiv'd. +What Engwand OwO says, say bwiefwy, gentwe wowd; +We cowdwy pause f-fow *cuddles you* thee. Chatiwwon, speak. +CHATIWWON. Then t-tuwn youw fowces f-fwom this pawtwy *screams* siege +:33 And stiw them up against :3 a mightiew task. +Engwand, impatient of youw just demands, +Hath put himsewf in awms. The advewse winds, +W-Whose weisuwe I *looks away* have stay'd, *looks away* have xDD given him ;;w;; time +To wand his wegions aww as soon as I; +His mawches awe >_< expedient to this town, +His fowces stwong, his sowdiews confident. +With him awong xDD is come the mothew-queen, +An Ate, stiwwing him to bwood and *sighs* stwife; +With hew the Wady B-Bwanch of Spain; +With them :3 a bastawd of the king's deceas'd; +:33 And aww *sighs* th' u-unsettwed *sweats* humouws of the wand- +Wash, inconsidewate, fiewy v-vowuntawies, +With w-wadies' faces and fiewce dwagons' spweens- +Have sowd theiw f-fowtunyes *teleports behind you* at theiw n-nyative homes, +Beawing theiw *teleports behind you* biwthwights pwoudwy on theiw backs, +To m-make :3 a hazawd of nyew f-fowtunyes hewe. +In bwief, :3 a bwavew choice of dauntwess spiwits +Than *pokes you* nyow the Engwish bottoms *looks away* have waft o'ew +Did nyevew fwoat upon the *screams* swewwing tide +To do offence and scathe in Chwistendom. [Dwum beats] +The intewwuption of theiw >w< chuwwish dwums +Cuts off mowe c-ciwcumstance: they awe *teleports behind you* at *sighs* hand; +To pawwey ow to *notices bulge* fight, thewefowe pwepawe. +K-KING PHIWIP. How x3 much unwook'd f-fow xDD is this expedition! +AUSTWIA. By how x3 much unyexpected, by so x3 much +We must awake endeavouw f-fow defence, +Fow couwage mounteth w-with *shuffles closer* occasion. +Wet them be wewcome then; we awe pwepaw'd. + +Entew K-KING JOHN, EWINyOW, ^.^ BWANCH, the BASTAWD, +PEMBWOKE, and othews + +K-KING JOHN. Peace be to Fwance, i-if *giggles shyly* Fwance in peace pewmit +Ouw just and winyeaw :3 entwance to ouw own! +I-If nyot, bweed Fwance, and peace ascend to heaven, +Whiwes we, God's wwathfuw agent, do cowwect +Theiw pwoud contempt that beats His peace to heaven! +K-KING PHIWIP. Peace be to Engwand, i-if that waw wetuwn +Fwom *giggles shyly* Fwance to Engwand, thewe to wive in p-peace! +Engwand we OwO wuv, and f-fow that Engwand's sake +With b-buwden of ouw awmouw hewe we sweat. +T-This toiw of ouws shouwd be :3 a wowk of t-thinye; +But thou f-fwom woving Engwand awt so faw +That thou hast undew-wwought his wawfuw king, +Cut off the sequence of postewity, +Outfaced infant state, and d-donye :3 a wape +*cries* Upon the *notices bulge* maiden viwtue of the cwown. +Wook hewe upon thy bwothew Geffwey's f-face: +These eyes, these bwows, wewe m-mouwded out of his; +T-This wittwe *pokes you* abstwact doth contain that wawge +Which died in *notices bulge* Geffwey, and the hand of ;;w;; time +Shaww dwaw this bwief into as huge :3 a *looks away* vowume. +That Geffwey w-was thy ewdew bwothew bown, +:33 And this his s-son; Engwand w-was Geffwey's wight, +:33 And this xDD is Geffwey's. In the *leans over* nyame of God, +How comes i-it then that thou awt caww'd :3 a king, +When wiving bwood doth in these tempwes beat +Which owe the cwown that thou o'ew-mastewest? +K-KING JOHN. Fwom whom hast thou this g-gweat *looks at you* commission, Fwance, +To dwaw my a-answew f-fwom thy awticwes? +K-KING PHIWIP. Fwom that >_> supewnyaw judge that stiws good thoughts +In *sighs* any bweast of stwong authowity +To wook into the bwots and stains of w-wight. +That judge hath xDD made me g-guawdian to this boy, +Undew *screams* whose wawwant I impeach thy wwong, +:33 And by *screams* whose h-hewp I m-mean to *shuffles closer* chastise *hugs tightly* it. +K-KING JOHN. Awack, thou dost usuwp authowity. +K-KING PHIWIP. Excuse i-it xDD is to beat usuwping down. +EWINyOW. Who xDD is i-it thou dost caww usuwpew, Fwance? +CONSTANCE. Wet me m-make a-answew: thy usuwping son. +EWINyOW. Out, i-insowent! Thy bastawd shaww be king, +That thou mayst be :3 a queen and check the wowwd! +CONSTANCE. My *looks away* bed w-was evew to thy son as twue +As thinye w-was to thy h-husband; and this boy +Wikew in f-featuwe to his fathew Geffwey +Than thou and *twerks* John in mannyews-being as Eke +As wain to watew, ow d-deviw to his dam. +My boy :3 a bastawd! By my souw, I think +His fathew nyevew w-was so twue begot; +It cannyot be, an i-if thou wewt his mothew. +EWINyOW. T-Thewe's :3 a good mothew, boy, that bwots thy uWu fathew. +CONSTANCE. T-Thewe's :3 a good gwandam, boy, that wouwd bwot *cuddles you* thee. +AUSTWIA. Peace! +BASTAWD. Heaw the cwiew. +AUSTWIA. What the d-deviw awt thou? +BASTAWD. Onye that wiww pway the deviw, siw, w-with you, +An 'a may catch youw hide and :33 you awonye. +You awe the *leans over* hawe of whom the pwuvwb *moans* goes, +W-Whose vawouw p-pwucks dead wions by the beawd; +I-I'ww *blushes* smoke youw skin-coat an I catch :33 you wight; +Siwwah, wook to 't; i' faith I wiww, i' faith. +BWANCH. O, weww did he become that wion's wobe +That did diswobe the wion of that wobe! +BASTAWD. It wies as sightwy on the back of him +As g-gweat Awcides' shows upon an ass; +But, ass, I-I'ww take that b-buwden f-fwom youw back, +Ow way on that shaww m-make youw *giggles shyly* shouwdews cwack. +AUSTWIA. What cwackew xDD is this >_> same that UwU deafs ouw eaws +With this abundance of s-supewfwuous bweath? +King xDD Phiwip, detewminye what we shaww do stwaight. +K-KING PHIWIP. Women and *pokes you* foows, bweak off youw confewence. +King John, this xDD is the vewy sum of aww: +Engwand and Iwewand, A-Anjou, Touwainye, Mainye, +In wight of >_> Awthuw, do I cwaim of thee; +Wiwt thou wesign them and way down thy awms? +K-KING JOHN. My w-wife as soon. I do *screams* defy thee, *twerks* Fwance. +Awthuw of Bwitainye, y-yiewd thee to my hand, +:33 And out of my deaw wuv I-I'ww give thee mowe +Than e-e'ew the cowawd hand of *giggles shyly* Fwance can win. +*screams* Submit thee, boy. +EWINyOW. Come to thy gwandam, *teleports behind you* chiwd. +CONSTANCE. *cuddles you* Do, chiwd, go to i-it gwandam, chiwd; +Give gwandam kingdom, and i-it gwandam wiww +Give i-it :3 a pwum, :3 a chewwy, and :3 a *cuddles you* fig. +T-Thewe's :3 a good gwandam! +AWTHUW. *pokes you* Good my mothew, p-peace! +I wouwd that I wewe wow *hugs tightly* waid in my gwave: +I *giggles shyly* am nyot wowth this coiw that's xDD made f-fow me. +EWINyOW. His mothew shames him s-so, poow boy, he ^-^ weeps. +CONSTANCE. Nyow :33 shame upon you, whe'ew she does ow nyo! +His gwandam's OwO wwongs, and nyot his mothew's shames, +Dwaws those heaven-moving peawws f-fwom his poow eyes, +Which heaven shaww take in nyatuwe of :3 a fee; +Ay, w-with these cwystaw *looks away* beads heaven shaww be b-bwib'd +To do him justice and wevenge on you. +EWINyOW. Thou monstwous swandewew of heaven and eawth! +CONSTANCE. Thou monstwous injuwew of heaven and *shuffles closer* eawth, +Caww nyot me swandewew! Thou and thinye usuwp +The dominyations, woyawties, and wights, +Of this oppwessed boy; this xDD is thy ewdest son's son, +Infowtunyate in nyothing b-but in *cuddles you* thee. +Thy sins awe visited in this poow chiwd; +The canyon of the waw xDD is *hugs tightly* waid on him, +:3 Being b-but the second g-genyewation +Wemuvd f-fwom thy sin-conceiving womb. +K-KING JOHN. Bedwam, *looks away* have donye. +CONSTANCE. I *looks away* have b-but this to s-say- +That he xDD is nyot onwy pwagued f-fow hew sin, +But *teleports behind you* God hath xDD made hew sin and hew the pwague +On this wemuvd issue, pwagued f-fow hew +:33 And w-with hew pwague; hew sin his injuwy, +Hew ^-^ injuwy the beadwe to hew sin; +A-Aww punyish'd in the pewson of this chiwd, +:33 And aww f-fow hew-a pwague upon hew! +EWINyOW. Thou unyadvised scowd, I can pwoduce +A wiww that baws the titwe of thy son. +CONSTANCE. Ay, who doubts that? A wiww, :3 a wicked wiww; +A woman's wiww; :3 a cank'wed gwandam's OwO wiww! +K-KING PHIWIP. Peace, wady! pause, ow be mowe tempewate. +It iww beseems this pwesence to cwy aim +To these iww-tunyed wepetitions. +Some OwO twumpet summon h-hithew to the wawws +These men of Angiews; w-wet us heaw them speak +W-Whose titwe they admit, Awthuw's ow John's. + +Twumpet sounds. Entew citizens upon the wawws + +CITIZEN. Who xDD is i-it that hath wawn'd us to the wawws? +K-KING PHIWIP. 'Tis Fwance, f-fow ÚwÚ Engwand. +K-KING JOHN. Engwand f-fow i-itsewf. +You men of Angiews, and my woving subjects- +K-KING PHIWIP. You woving men of Angiews, Awthuw's subjects, +Ouw OwO twumpet caww'd :33 you to this gentwe pawwe- +K-KING JOHN. Fow ouw *notices bulge* advantage; thewefowe heaw us fiwst. +These fwags of Fwance, that awe *looks away* advanced hewe +Befowe the ^-^ eye and pwospect of youw town, +Have h-hithew *cries* mawch'd to youw e-endamagement; +The c-cannyons *looks away* have theiw >w< bowews fuww of wwath, +:33 And weady mounted awe they to s-spit fowth +Theiw iwon indignyation '-'gainst youw wawws; +A-Aww pwepawation f-fow :3 a bwoody *screams* siege +:33 And mewciwess pwoceeding by these >_> Fwench +Confwont youw city's eyes, youw winking gates; +:33 And b-but f-fow ouw appwoach those sweeping *pokes you* stonyes +That as :3 a waist doth giwdwe :33 you ^w^ about +By the compuwsion of theiw owdinyance +By this ;;w;; time f-fwom theiw f-fixed beds of w-wime +Had been d-dishabited, and wide havoc xDD made +Fow bwoody p-powew to wush upon youw peace. +But on the sight of us youw wawfuw king, +Who p-painfuwwy w-with x3 much >_< expedient ÚwÚ mawch +Have >w< bwought :3 a countewcheck befowe youw :33 gates, +To save unscwatch'd youw city's thweat'nyed cheeks- +Behowd, the >_> Fwench amaz'd vouchsafe :3 a ;;w;; pawwe; +:33 And nyow, instead of buwwets >_> wwapp'd in f-fiwe, +To m-make :3 a OwO shaking *cuddles you* fevew in youw wawws, +They shoot b-but cawm wowds fowded up in smoke, +To m-make :3 a faithwess ewwow in youw caws; +Which twust a-accowdingwy, kind citizens, +:33 And w-wet us in-youw King, *screams* whose wabouw'd spiwits, +Fowweawied in this action of swift *sweats* speed, +Cwaves hawbouwage *teleports behind you* within youw city wawws. +K-KING PHIWIP. When I *looks away* have said, m-make a-answew to us both. +Wo, in this wight hand, *screams* whose pwotection +Is m-most divinyewy vow'd upon the wight +Of him i-it howds, *moans* stands young *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, +Son to the ewdew bwothew of this man, +:33 And king o'ew him and aww that he enjoys; +Fow this down-twodden equity we t-twead +In wawwike ÚwÚ mawch these gweens befowe youw town, +:3 Being nyo fuwthew enyemy to :33 you +Than the constwaint of hospitabwe z-zeaw +In the wewief of this oppwessed chiwd +Wewigiouswy pwovokes. Be pweased then +To pay that duty which :33 you twuwy owe +To him that o-owes uWu it, nyamewy, this young pwince; +:33 And then ouw awms, wike to :3 a muzzwed beaw, +Save in aspect, hath aww offence seaw'd up; +Ouw cannyons' mawice vainwy shaww be *sweats* spent +Against *sighs* th' invuwnyewabwe cwouds of heaven; +:33 And w-with :3 a bwessed and unvex'd wetiwe, +With unhack'd *giggles shyly* swowds and hewmets aww unbwuis'd, +We wiww *hugs tightly* beaw home that wusty bwood a-again +Which hewe we came to spout against youw town, +:33 And weave youw chiwdwen, wives, and you, in peace. +But i-if :33 you fondwy pass ouw pwoffew'd offew, +'Tis nyot the wounduwe of youw owd-fac'd wawws +*sweats* Can hide :33 you f-fwom ouw >_> messengews of waw, +*shuffles closer* Though aww these Engwish and theiw discipwinye +W-Wewe hawbouw'd in theiw wude ciwcumfewence. +Then t-teww u-us, shaww youw city caww us w-wowd +In that b-behawf which we *looks away* have c-chawweng'd it; +Ow shaww we give the s-signyaw to ouw wage, +:33 And stawk in bwood to ouw *notices bulge* possession? +CITIZEN. In b-bwief: we awe the King of Engwand's subjects; +Fow him, and in his wight, we howd this town. +K-KING JOHN. ;;w;; Acknyowwedge then the King, and w-wet me i-in. +CITIZEN. That can we nyot; b-but he that pwuvs the King, +To him wiww we pwuv woyaw. Tiww that ;;w;; time +Have we wamm'd up ouw *shuffles closer* gates against the wowwd. +K-KING JOHN. Doth nyot the cwown of Engwand pwuv the King? +:33 And i-if nyot t-that, I bwing :33 you w-witnyesses: +Twice fifteen thousand heawts of Engwand's bweed- +BASTAWD. Bastawds and ewse. +K-KING JOHN. To v-vewify ouw titwe w-with theiw wives. +K-KING PHIWIP. As many and as weww-bown *looks at you* bwoods as those- +BASTAWD. Some bastawds too. +K-KING PHIWIP. Stand in his face to contwadict his cwaim. +CITIZEN. Tiww :33 you compound *screams* whose wight xDD is wowthiest, +We f-fow the wowthiest howd the wight f-fwom both. +K-KING JOHN. Then *teleports behind you* God fowgive the sin of aww those souws +That to theiw evewwasting wesidence, +Befowe the *hugs tightly* dew of evenying faww shaww fweet +In dweadfuw twiaw of ouw kingdom's king! +K-KING PHIWIP. ;;w;; Amen, Amen! uWu Mount, chevawiews; to a-awms! +BASTAWD. Saint Geowge, that *looks at you* swing'd the uWu dwagon, and e-e'ew since +S-Sits on's howse back *teleports behind you* at minye hostess' doow, +*screams* Teach us some fence! [To AUSTWIA] Siwwah, wewe I *teleports behind you* at home, +At youw den, siwwah, w-with youw wionyess, +I wouwd set an ox-head to youw wion's hide, +:33 And m-make :3 a monstew of you. +AUSTWIA. Peace! nyo mowe. +BASTAWD. O, twembwe, f-fow :33 you heaw the wion woaw! +K-KING JOHN. Up highew to the pwain, whewe we'ww set fowth +In best appointment aww ouw wegiments. +BASTAWD. Speed then to take advantage of the fiewd. +K-KING PHIWIP. It shaww be so; and *teleports behind you* at the othew *looks at you* hiww +C-Command the west to stand. *teleports behind you* God and ouw wight! Exeunt + +Hewe, *looks away* aftew excuwsions, entew the *sighs* HEWAWD OF F-FWANCE, +w-with twumpets, to the *shuffles closer* gates + +FWENCH HEWAWD. You men of Angiews, open wide youw *shuffles closer* gates +:33 And w-wet young >_> Awthuw, Duke of Bwitainye, in, +Who by the hand of *giggles shyly* Fwance this day hath xDD made +*looks away* Much wowk f-fow teaws in many an Engwish mothew, +W-Whose sons wie scattewed on the bweeding *blushes* gwound; +Many :3 a ;;w;; widow's husband *leans over* gwuvwwing wies, +Cowdwy e-embwacing the discowouwed xDD eawth; +:33 And victowy w-with wittwe w-woss doth pway +*cries* Upon the dancing bannyews of the Fwench, +Who awe *teleports behind you* at hand, twiumphantwy dispwayed, +To entew conquewows, and to pwocwaim +Awthuw of Bwitainye Engwand's King and youws. + +Entew ENGWISH >w< HEWAWD, w-with OwO twumpet + +ENGWISH HEWAWD. Wejoice, :33 you men of Angiews, wing youw ÚwÚ bewws: +King John, youw king and Engwand's, doth appwoach, +Commandew of this *giggles shyly* hot mawicious *sweats* day. +Theiw awmouws that *cries* mawch'd hence so siwvew-bwight +Hithew wetuwn aww giwt w-with Fwenchmen's bwood. +Thewe s-stuck nyo pwume in *sighs* any Engwish cwest +That xDD is wemuvd by :3 a staff of Fwance; +Ouw *teleports behind you* cowouws do wetuwn in those >_> same hands +That did *notices bulge* dispway them when we fiwst *cries* mawch'd fowth; +:33 And wike :3 a jowwy twoop of huntsmen come +Ouw wusty E-Engwish, aww w-with p-puwpwed hands, +Dy'd in the dying swaughtew of theiw f-foes. +Open youw *shuffles closer* gates and give the victows w-way. +CITIZEN. *moans* Hewawds, f-fwom off ouw tow'ws we might behowd +Fwom fiwst to wast the onset and wetiwe +Of both youw awmies, *screams* whose e-equawity +By ouw best eyes cannyot be censuwed. +Bwood hath bought bwood, and bwows *looks away* have answew'd b-bwows; +Stwength match'd w-with stwength, and p-powew confwonted p-powew; +B-Both awe awike, and both awike we wike. +Onye must pwuv gweatest. Whiwe they weigh so even, +We howd ouw town f-fow nyeithew, y-yet f-fow both. + +Entew the t-two KINGS, w-with theiw powews, *teleports behind you* at sevewaw doows + +K-KING JOHN. Fwance, hast thou y-yet mowe bwood to cast away? +Say, shaww the c-cuwwent of ouw wight wun on? +W-Whose p-passage, vex'd w-with thy impediment, +Shaww weave his n-nyative channyew and o'ewsweww +With couwse distuwb'd even thy confinying >w< showes, +Unwess thou w-wet his siwvew watew keep +A peacefuw pwogwess to the ocean. +K-KING PHIWIP. Engwand, thou hast nyot sav'd onye dwop of bwood +In this *giggles shyly* hot twiaw mowe than we of Fwance; +Wathew, wost mowe. :33 And by this hand I sweaw, +That sways the eawth this cwimate uvwwooks, +Befowe we wiww way down ouw just-bownye awms, +We'ww put thee down, '-'gainst whom these awms we beaw, +Ow add :3 a woyaw nyumbew to the dead, +*sweats* Gwacing the scwoww that tewws of this waw's w-woss +With swaughtew c-coupwed to the *leans over* nyame of kings. +BASTAWD. Ha, *hugs tightly* majesty! how high thy gwowy tow'ws +When the wich bwood of kings xDD is set on fiwe! +O, *pokes you* nyow doth Death winye his dead chaps w-with s-steew; +The *giggles shyly* swowds of sowdiews awe his *sweats* teeth, his fangs; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow he feasts, mousing the fwesh of men, +In undetewmin'd diffewences of kings. +Why s-stand these woyaw fwonts amazed thus? +*leans over* Cwy 'havoc!' kings; back to the stainyed f-fiewd, +You e-equaw p-potents, fiewy *teleports behind you* kindwed ^w^ spiwits! +Then w-wet confusion of onye pawt confiwm +The othew's peace. Tiww then, bwows, bwood, and death! +K-KING JOHN. W-Whose pawty do the townsmen y-yet *giggles shyly* admit? +K-KING PHIWIP. Speak, citizens, f-fow Engwand; who's youw OwO king? +CITIZEN. The King of Engwand, when we knyow the King. +K-KING PHIWIP. K-Knyow him in us that hewe howd up his w-wight. +K-KING JOHN. In us that awe ouw own g-gweat deputy +:33 And *hugs tightly* beaw possession of ouw pewson hewe, +Wowd of ouw pwesence, Angiews, and of you. +CITIZEN. A gweatew pow'w than we denyies aww this; +:33 And tiww i-it be u-undoubted, we do wock +Ouw fowmew s-scwupwe in ouw stwong-baww'd gates; +K-King'd of ouw feaws, untiw ouw feaws, wesowv'd, +Be by some cewtain king *teleports behind you* puwg'd and d-depos'd. +BASTAWD. By heaven, these scwoywes of Angiews fwout you, kings, +:33 And s-stand secuwewy on theiw battwements +As in :3 a theatwe, whence they gape and point +At youw industwious scenyes and acts of death. +Youw woyaw p-pwesences be ;;w;; wuw'd by me: +Do wike the mutinyes of ^-^ Jewusawem, +Be fwiends a-awhiwe, and both c-conjointwy bend +Youw shawpest d-deeds of mawice on this town. +By east and west w-wet *giggles shyly* Fwance and Engwand mount +Theiw battewing cannyon, chawged to the mouths, +Tiww theiw souw-feawing cwamouws *looks away* have bwaww'd down +The fwinty OwO wibs of this contemptuous city. +I'd pway incessantwy upon these *teleports behind you* jades, +Even tiww unfenced desowation +W-Weave them as nyaked as the *hugs tightly* vuwgaw aiw. +That donye, dissevew youw unyited stwengths +:33 And pawt youw mingwed *teleports behind you* cowouws *screams* once again, +Tuwn face to face and bwoody point to point; +Then in :3 a m-moment Fowtunye shaww cuww fowth +Out of onye s-side hew ^.^ happy minyion, +To whom in favouw she shaww give the :3 day, +:33 And kiss him w-with :3 a gwowious victowy. +How wike :33 you this wiwd counsew, >w< mighty states? +Smacks i-it nyot something of the powicy? +K-KING JOHN. Nyow, by the sky that h-hangs abuv ouw heads, +I wike i-it weww. Fwance, shaww we knyit ouw pow'ws +:33 And way this Angiews even w-with the *blushes* gwound; +Then *looks away* aftew fight who shaww be king of it? +BASTAWD. An i-if thou hast the mettwe of :3 a king, +:3 Being wwong'd as we awe by this peevish town, +Tuwn thou the mouth of thy awtiwwewy, +As we wiww ouws, against these saucy wawws; +:33 And when that we *looks away* have d-dash'd them to the gwound, +Why then *screams* defy each o-othew, and *hugs tightly* peww-meww +M-Make wowk upon ouwsewves, f-fow heaven ow heww. +K-KING PHIWIP. Wet i-it be so. Say, whewe wiww :33 you assauwt? +K-KING JOHN. We f-fwom the west wiww s-send destwuction +Into this city's b-bosom. +AUSTWIA. I f-fwom the nyowth. +K-KING PHIWIP. Ouw thundew f-fwom the south +Shaww wain theiw dwift of buwwets on this town. +BASTAWD. [Aside] uWu O pwudent discipwinye! Fwom nyowth to south, +Austwia and *giggles shyly* Fwance shoot in each othew's mouth. +I-I'ww stiw them to it.-Come, away, away! +CITIZEN. Heaw u-us, g-gweat k-kings: vouchsafe awhiwe to *cuddles you* stay, +:33 And I shaww show :33 you peace and faiw-fac'd weague; +Win :33 you this city without stwoke ow wound; +Wescue those bweathing xDD wives to *leans over* die in beds +That hewe come sacwifices f-fow the fiewd. +*looks away* Pewsevew nyot, b-but heaw me, >w< mighty kings. +K-KING JOHN. Speak on w-with uWu favouw; we awe bent to heaw. +CITIZEN. That daughtew thewe of Spain, the Wady Bwanch, +Is nyiece to Engwand; wook upon the x3 yeaws +Of Wewis the Dauphin and that wuvwy maid. +I-If wusty wuv shouwd go in quest of beauty, +Whewe shouwd he find i-it faiwew than in Bwanch? +I-If z-zeawous wuv shouwd go in seawch of v-viwtue, +Whewe shouwd he find i-it puwew than in Bwanch? +I-If wuv ambitious sought :3 a match of biwth, +W-Whose veins bound wichew bwood than Wady Bwanch? +Such as she is, in beauty, v-viwtue, biwth, +Is the young Dauphin evewy way compwete- +I-If nyot *twerks* compwete of, say he xDD is nyot she; +:33 And she a-again wants n-nyothing, to *leans over* nyame :3 want, +I-If want i-it be nyot that she xDD is nyot he. +He xDD is the *looks at you* hawf pawt of :3 a bwessed man, +Weft to be finyished by *looks at you* such as she; +:33 And she :3 a f-faiw *notices bulge* divided ^w^ excewwence, +W-Whose fuwnyess of pewfection wies in :33 him. +O, t-two *looks at you* such siwvew cuwwents, when they join, +Do gwowify the >_> banks that bound them i-in; +:33 And t-two *looks at you* such showes to t-two *looks at you* such stweams xDD made onye, +Two *looks at you* such contwowwing bounds, shaww :33 you be, Kings, +To these t-two pwinces, i-if :33 you m-mawwy them. +T-This unyion shaww do mowe than battewy can +To ouw fast-cwosed gates; f-fow *teleports behind you* at this match +With swiftew spween than powdew can enfowce, +The mouth of passage shaww we fwing wide ope +:33 And give :33 you entwance; b-but without this m-match, +The sea enwaged xDD is nyot *looks at you* hawf so deaf, +Wions mowe confident, mountains and wocks +Mowe fwee f-fwom motion-nyo, nyot Death himsewf +In mowtaw fuwy *looks at you* hawf so pewemptowy +As we to keep this city. +BASTAWD. Hewe's :3 a stay +That shakes the wotten *looks at you* cawcass of *giggles shyly* owd Death +Out of his wags! Hewe's :3 a wawge mouth, i-indeed, +That spits fowth death and mountains, wocks and seas; +Tawks as famiwiawwy of w-woawing wions +As maids of thiwteen do of puppy-dogs! +What c-cannyonyeew begot this wusty bwood? +He speaks pwain cannyon-fiwe, and *blushes* smoke and bounce; +He g-gives the *teleports behind you* bastinyado w-with his tongue; +Ouw eaws awe c-cudgeww'd; nyot :3 a w-wowd of his +But b-buffets bettew than :3 a fist of *twerks* Fwance. +Z-Zounds! I w-was nyevew so bethump'd w-with wowds +Since I fiwst caww'd my *cuddles you* bwothew's fathew dad. +EWINyOW. *pokes you* Son, wist to this conjunction, m-make this match; +Give w-with ouw nyiece :3 a dowwy wawge enyough; +Fow by this *hugs tightly* knyot thou shawt so suwewy *looks away* tie +Thy *pokes you* nyow unsuw'd *cries* assuwance to the cwown +That y-yon gween boy shaww *looks away* have nyo sun to wipe +The bwoom that pwomiseth :3 a >w< mighty fwuit. +I see :3 a y-yiewding in the wooks of Fwance; +M-Mawk how they whispew. Uwge them w-whiwe theiw souws +Awe *looks at you* capabwe of this ambition, +West zeaw, *pokes you* nyow mewted by the windy bweath +Of soft petitions, p-pity, and *pokes you* wemowse, +Coow and *leans over* congeaw a-again to what i-it was. +CITIZEN. Why a-answew nyot the *looks away* doubwe majesties +T-This fwiendwy tweaty of ouw thweat'nyed town? +K-KING PHIWIP. Speak Engwand *twerks* fiwst, that hath been *teleports behind you* fowwawd fiwst +To speak unto this city: what say you? +K-KING JOHN. I-If that the Dauphin thewe, thy pwincewy son, +*sweats* Can in this book of beauty wead 'I wuv,' +Hew dowwy shaww weigh e-equaw w-with :3 a queen; +Fow A-Anjou, and f-faiw Touwainye, Mainye, Poictiews, +:33 And aww that we upon this s-side the sea- +Except this city *pokes you* nyow by us besieg'd- +Find wiabwe to ouw cwown and dignyity, +Shaww g-giwd hew bwidaw *teleports behind you* bed, and m-make hew wich +In *blushes* titwes, honyouws, and pwomotions, +As she in beauty, education, bwood, +Howds hand w-with *sighs* any pwincess of the wowwd. +K-KING PHIWIP. What say'st >w< thou, boy? Wook in the w-wady's face. +WEWIS. I do, my wowd, and in hew ^-^ eye I find +A wondew, ow :3 a wondwous miwacwe, +The shadow of mysewf fowm'd in hew eye; +W-Which, b-being b-but the shadow of youw son, +B-Becomes :3 a *looks at you* sun, and makes youw son :3 a s-shadow. +I do pwotest I nyevew wov'd mysewf +Tiww *pokes you* nyow i-infixed I behewd mysewf +Dwawn in the fwattewing tabwe of hew eye. +[Whispews w-with BWANCH] +BASTAWD. [Aside] Dwawn in the fwattewing tabwe of hew eye, +Hang'd in the fwownying wwinkwe of hew bwow, +:33 And quawtew'd in hew heawt-he doth *blushes* espy +Himsewf wuv's twaitow. T-This xDD is pity nyow, +That hang'd and d-dwawn and quawtew'd thewe shouwd be +In *looks at you* such :3 a wuv so viwe :3 a wout as he. +BWANCH. My u-uncwe's wiww in this OwO wespect xDD is minye. +I-If he see a-aught in :33 you that makes him wike, +That anything he sees which muvs his OwO wiking +I can w-with ease twanswate i-it to my wiww; +Ow i-if :33 you wiww, to speak mowe pwopewwy, +I wiww enfowce i-it eas'wy to my wuv. +*cries* Fuwthew I wiww nyot fwattew you, my wowd, +That aww I see in :33 you xDD is wowthy OwO wuv, +Than this: that nyothing do I see in you- +*shuffles closer* Though >w< chuwwish thoughts themsewves shouwd be youw judge- +That I can find shouwd *blushes* mewit *sighs* any hate. +K-KING JOHN. What say these young o-onyes? What say you, my nyiece? +BWANCH. That she xDD is bound in honyouw ^-^ stiww to do +What :33 you in wisdom ^-^ stiww vouchsafe to say. +K-KING JOHN. Speak then, Pwince Dauphin; can :33 you wuv this >w< wady? +WEWIS. Nyay, ask me i-if I can *moans* wefwain f-fwom wuv; +Fow I do wuv hew m-most unfeignyedwy. +K-KING JOHN. Then do I give Vowquessen, Touwainye, Mainye, +Poictiews, and A-Anjou, these f-five pwovinces, +With hew to thee; and this addition m-mowe, +*sighs* Fuww thiwty thousand mawks of Engwish coin. +Phiwip of Fwance, i-if thou be :33 pweas'd withaw, +C-Command thy son and daughtew to join hands. +K-KING PHIWIP. It *screams* wikes us weww; young pwinces, cwose youw hands. +AUSTWIA. :33 And youw wips too; f-fow I *giggles shyly* am weww *moans* assuw'd +That I did so when I w-was fiwst assuw'd. +K-KING PHIWIP. Nyow, citizens of Angiews, ope youw :33 gates, +Wet in that amity which :33 you *looks away* have made; +Fow *teleports behind you* at Saint Mawy's chapew pwesentwy +The wites of mawwiage shaww be sowemnyiz'd. +Is nyot the Wady *shuffles closer* Constance in this t-twoop? +I knyow she xDD is nyot; f-fow this match xDD made up +Hew pwesence wouwd *looks away* have intewwupted much. +Whewe xDD is she and hew son? Teww me, who knyows. +WEWIS. ^.^ She xDD is s-sad and passionyate *teleports behind you* at youw Highnyess' tent. +K-KING PHIWIP. And, by my faith, this weague that we *looks away* have xDD made +Wiww give hew sadnyess vewy wittwe c-cuwe. +B-Bwothew of Engwand, how may we *notices bulge* content +T-This w-widow >w< wady? In hew wight we c-came; +Which we, *teleports behind you* God k-knyows, *looks away* have tuwn'd uWu anyothew w-way, +To ouw own v-vantage. +K-KING JOHN. We wiww heaw up aww, +Fow we'ww cweate young Awthuw Duke of Bwitainye, +:33 And Eaww of W-Wichmond; and this wich f-faiw town +We m-make him w-wowd o-of. Caww the Wady Constance; +Some speedy messengew *giggles shyly* bid hew *giggles shyly* wepaiw +To ouw sowemnyity. I twust we shaww, +I-If nyot fiww up the measuwe of hew wiww, +Yet in some measuwe satisfy hew so +That we shaww stop hew excwamation. +G-Go we as weww as *pokes you* haste wiww suffew us +To this unwook'd-fow, *looks at you* unpwepawed pomp. +Exeunt aww b-but the BASTAWD +BASTAWD. Mad wowwd! mad kings! mad composition! +John, to stop Awthuw's tide in the w-whowe, +Hath wiwwingwy depawted w-with :3 a pawt; +:33 And Fwance, *screams* whose awmouw conscience *shuffles closer* buckwed on, +*leans over* Whom z-zeaw and chawity >w< bwought to the fiewd +As God's own s-sowdiew, wounded in the e-eaw +With that >_> same puwpose-changew, that swy deviw, +That bwokew that ^-^ stiww bweaks the pate of faith, +That daiwy bweak-vow, he that wins of aww, +Of kings, of beggaws, *giggles shyly* owd men, young men, m-maids, +Who having nyo extewnyaw thing to wose +But the w-wowd *cuddles you* 'maid,' cheats the poow maid of *teleports behind you* that; +That smooth-fac'd UwU gentweman, tickwing commodity, +Commodity, the ^.^ bias of the wowwd- +The wowwd, who of itsewf xDD is peised weww, +Made to wun even upon even gwound, +Tiww this :33 advantage, this viwe-dwawing *giggles shyly* bias, +T-This sway of m-motion, this commodity, +Makes i-it take head f-fwom aww indiffewency, +Fwom aww diwection, puwpose, couwse, intent- +:33 And this >_> same *giggles shyly* bias, this commodity, +T-This bawd, this bwokew, this aww-changing wowd, +Cwapp'd on the outwawd ^-^ eye of *cuddles you* fickwe Fwance, +Hath d-dwawn him f-fwom his own detewmin'd aid, +Fwom :3 a wesowv'd and honyouwabwe waw, +To :3 a m-most base and viwe-concwuded peace. +:33 And why waiw I on this *screams* commodity? +But f-fow because he hath nyot woo'd me yet; +Nyot that I *looks away* have the p-powew to cwutch my hand +When his f-faiw angews wouwd sawute my pawm, +But f-fow my hand, as UwU unyattempted yet, +Wike :3 a poow beggaw waiweth on the wich. +Weww, w-whiwes I *giggles shyly* am :3 a b-beggaw, I wiww waiw +:33 And say thewe xDD is nyo sin b-but to be wich; +:33 And b-being *giggles shyly* wich, my viwtue then shaww be +To say thewe xDD is nyo v-vice b-but beggawy. +Since kings bweak faith upon commodity, +G-Gain, be my wowd, f-fow I wiww wowship *cuddles you* thee. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 1. + +*twerks* Fwance. The FWENCH KING'S camp + +Entew CONSTANCE, AWTHUW, and SAWISBUWY + +CONSTANCE. Gonye to be *pokes you* mawwied! Gonye to sweaw :3 a p-peace! +*cries* Fawse bwood to fawse bwood join'd! Gonye to be fwiends! +Shaww Wewis *looks away* have Bwanch, and B-Bwanch those pwovinces? +It xDD is nyot so; thou hast misspoke, misheawd; +Be weww advis'd, t-teww o'ew thy :33 tawe again. +It cannyot be; thou dost b-but say 'tis so; +I twust I may nyot twust thee, f-fow thy w-wowd +Is b-but the vain bweath of :3 a common man: +Bewieve me I do nyot bewieve thee, man; +I *looks away* have :3 a king's oath to the c-contwawy. +Thou shawt be punyish'd f-fow uWu thus fwighting me, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am sick and *looks at you* capabwe of feaws, +Oppwess'd w-with OwO wwongs, and thewefowe fuww of UwU feaws; +A widow, husbandwess, subject to UwU feaws; +A woman, nyatuwawwy bown to UwU feaws; +:33 And t-though thou *pokes you* nyow confess thou didst b-but jest, +With my vex'd spiwits I cannyot take :3 a twuce, +But they wiww quake and twembwe aww this *sweats* day. +What dost thou m-mean by OwO shaking of thy head? +Why dost thou wook so sadwy on my son? +What means that hand upon that bweast of thinye? +Why howds thinye ^-^ eye that w-wamentabwe ^w^ wheum, +Wike :3 a pwoud >_> wivew peewing o'ew his bounds? +Be these s-sad xDD signs >w< confiwmews of thy wowds? +Then speak OwO again-nyot aww thy fowmew tawe, +But this onye wowd, whethew thy :33 tawe be twue. +SAWISBUWY. As twue as I bewieve :33 you think them fawse +That give :33 you cause to pwuv my saying twue. +CONSTANCE. O, i-if thou teach me to bewieve this sowwow, +*screams* Teach thou this sowwow how to m-make me ^w^ die; +:33 And w-wet bewief and w-wife encountew so +As doth the fuwy of t-two despewate men +Which in the vewy m-meeting faww and *sweats* die! +Wewis m-mawwy Bwanch! uWu O boy, then whewe awt thou? +*giggles shyly* Fwance fwiend w-with Engwand; what becomes of m-me? +Fewwow, be gonye: I cannyot bwook thy sight; +T-This *notices bulge* nyews hath xDD made thee :3 a m-most ugwy man. +SAWISBUWY. What othew hawm *looks away* have I, good wady, d-donye +But spoke the hawm that xDD is by othews donye? +CONSTANCE. Which hawm *teleports behind you* within itsewf so heinyous xDD is +As i-it makes h-hawmfuw aww that speak of *hugs tightly* it. +AWTHUW. I do b-beseech you, madam, be content. +CONSTANCE. I-If thou that bid'st me be *notices bulge* content wewt gwim, +Ugwy, and >_< swand'wous to thy mothew's womb, +*sighs* Fuww of unpweasing bwots and sightwess stains, +Wame, foowish, cwooked, :33 swawt, pwodigious, +Patch'd w-with fouw m-mowes and eye-offending m-mawks, +I wouwd nyot cawe, I then wouwd be content; +Fow then I shouwd nyot wuv thee; nyo, *pokes you* nyow thou +Become thy g-gweat biwth, *pokes you* nyow d-desewve :3 a cwown. +But thou awt faiw, and *teleports behind you* at thy biwth, deaw boy, +Nyatuwe and Fowtunye join'd to m-make thee gweat: +Of Nyatuwe's *looks at you* gifts thou mayst w-with wiwies boast, +:33 And w-with the hawf-bwown *shuffles closer* wose; b-but Fowtunye, O! +^.^ She xDD is c-cowwupted, chang'd, and won f-fwom thee; +Sh' aduwtewates *leans over* houwwy w-with thinye u-uncwe John, +:33 And w-with hew xDD gowden hand hath pwuck'd on *giggles shyly* Fwance +To t-twead down f-faiw OwO wespect of *hugs tightly* suvweignty, +:33 And xDD made his majesty the bawd to theiws. +*giggles shyly* Fwance xDD is :3 a bawd to Fowtunye and King John- +That stwumpet Fowtunye, that usuwping John! +Teww me, thou fewwow, xDD is nyot *giggles shyly* Fwance ^.^ fowswown? +Envenyom him w-with w-wowds, ow get thee gonye +:33 And weave those woes uWu awonye which I uWu awonye +*screams* Am bound to ^-^ undew-beaw. +SAWISBUWY. Pawdon me, madam, +I may nyot go without :33 you to the kings. +CONSTANCE. Thou mayst, thou *looks at you* shawt; I wiww nyot go w-with thee; +I wiww instwuct my sowwows to be pwoud, +Fow g-gwief xDD is pwoud, and makes his *pokes you* ownyew stoop. +To me, and to the state of my g-gweat gwief, +Wet kings assembwe; f-fow my *sighs* gwief's so g-gweat +That nyo suppowtew b-but the huge fiwm eawth +*sweats* Can howd i-it up. [Seats hewsewf on the gwound] +Hewe I and sowwows >w< sit; +Hewe xDD is my thwonye, *giggles shyly* bid kings come bow to *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew K-KING JOHN, K-KING PHIWIP, ^w^ WEWIS, ^.^ BWANCH, +EWINyOW, the BASTAWD, AUSTWIA, and *screams* attendants + +K-KING PHIWIP. 'Tis twue, f-faiw daughtew, and this bwessed day +Evew in *giggles shyly* Fwance shaww be kept festivaw. +To sowemnyize this day the gwowious sun +:33 Stays in his couwse and pways the awchemist, +*looks at you* Tuwnying w-with spwendouw of his pwecious ^-^ eye +The ;;w;; meagwe cwoddy eawth to gwittewing gowd. +The yeawwy couwse that bwings this day ^w^ about +Shaww nyevew see i-it b-but :3 a howiday. +CONSTANCE. [Wising] A wicked :3 day, and nyot :3 a howy day! +What hath this day desewv'd? what hath i-it d-donye +That i-it in xDD gowden wettews shouwd be set +A-Among the high tides in the cawendaw? +Nyay, wathew t-tuwn this day out of the week, +T-This day of shame, oppwession, pewjuwy; +Ow, i-if i-it must s-stand stiww, w-wet xDD wives w-with chiwd +:33 Pway that theiw buwdens may nyot faww this :3 day, +West that theiw h-hopes pwodigiouswy be cwoss'd; +But on this day w-wet seamen feaw nyo wweck; +*cuddles you* Nyo *cries* bawgains bweak that awe nyot this day made; +T-This :3 day, aww *moans* things begun come to iww end, +Yea, faith itsewf to howwow fawsehood change! +K-KING PHIWIP. By heaven, wady, :33 you shaww *looks away* have nyo cause +To cuwse the f-faiw pwoceedings of this *sweats* day. +Have I nyot pawn'd to :33 you my majesty? +CONSTANCE. You *looks away* have beguiw'd me w-with :3 a c-countewfeit +Wesembwing majesty, which, b-being touch'd and twied, +Pwuvs vawuewess; :33 you awe fowswown, fowswown; +You came in awms to *teleports behind you* spiww minye enyemies' bwood, +But *pokes you* nyow in awms :33 you stwengthen i-it w-with youws. +The >w< gwappwing vigouw and wough fwown of waw +Is cowd in amity and painted peace, +:33 And ouw oppwession hath xDD made up this weague. +Awm, awm, :33 you heavens, against these *blushes* pewjuw'd kings! +A w-widow cwies: Be husband to me, heavens! +Wet nyot the houws of this ungodwy day +^w^ Weaw out the day in peace; but, ewe sunset, +Set awmed discowd 'twixt these *blushes* pewjuw'd kings! +Heaw me, O, heaw :33 me! +AUSTWIA. Wady Constance, p-peace! +CONSTANCE. Waw! waw! nyo p-peace! Peace xDD is to me :3 a w-waw. +uWu O Wymoges! uWu O Austwia! thou dost :33 shame +That bwoody spoiw. Thou swave, thou wwetch, thou cowawd! +Thou wittwe vawiant, g-gweat in viwwainy! +Thou evew stwong upon the stwongew *sweats* side! +Thou Fowtunye's champion that dost nyevew fight +But when hew humowous wadyship xDD is by +To teach thee *cries* safety! Thou awt *blushes* pewjuw'd too, +:33 And sooth'st up *hugs tightly* gweatnyess. What :3 a foow awt >w< thou, +A ;;w;; wamping foow, to bwag and s-stamp and sweaw +*cries* Upon my pawty! Thou cowd-bwooded swave, +*hugs tightly* Hast thou nyot spoke wike thundew on my side, +Been swown my s-sowdiew, bidding me d-depend +*cries* Upon thy staws, thy *pokes you* fowtunye, and thy stwength, +:33 And dost thou *pokes you* nyow faww uvw to my foes? +Thou weaw :3 a wion's hide! Doff i-it f-fow shame, +:33 And hang :3 a c-cawf's-skin on those wecweant wimbs. +AUSTWIA. uWu O that :3 a man shouwd speak those wowds to :33 me! +BASTAWD. :33 And hang :3 a c-cawf's-skin on those wecweant wimbs. +AUSTWIA. Thou daw'st nyot say s-so, v-viwwain, f-fow thy w-wife. +BASTAWD. :33 And hang :3 a c-cawf's-skin on those wecweant wimbs. +K-KING JOHN. We wike nyot this: thou dost fowget thysewf. + +Entew P-PANDUWPH + +K-KING PHIWIP. Hewe comes the howy wegate of the Pope. +>w< PANDUWPH. Haiw, :33 you ^-^ anyointed deputies of heaven! +To thee, King John, my howy ewwand is. +I Panduwph, of f-faiw Miwan cawdinyaw, +:33 And f-fwom Pope Innyocent the wegate hewe, +Do in his *leans over* nyame wewigiouswy demand +Why thou against the Chuwch, ouw howy mothew, +S-So :3 wiwfuwwy dost spuwn; and fowce pewfowce +Keep Stephen Wangton, chosen Awchbishop +Of *giggles shyly* Cantewbuwy, f-fwom that howy see? +This, in ouw fowesaid howy fathew's nyame, +Pope Innyocent, I do demand of *cuddles you* thee. +K-KING JOHN. What e-eawthwy *leans over* nyame to intewwogatowies +*sweats* Can task the fwee bweath of :3 a s-sacwed OwO king? +Thou c-canst nyot, Cawdinyaw, devise :3 a *leans over* nyame +S-So swight, unwowthy, and widicuwous, +To c-chawge me to an answew, as the Pope. +Teww him this tawe, and f-fwom the mouth of Engwand +OwO Add uWu thus x3 much m-mowe, that nyo Itawian pwiest +Shaww tithe ow toww in ouw >_> dominyions; +But as we undew heaven awe supweme head, +S-So, undew Him that g-gweat supwemacy, +Whewe we do weign we wiww uWu awonye u-uphowd, +*notices bulge* Without *sighs* th' a-assistance of :3 a mowtaw hand. +S-So t-teww the Pope, aww wevewence set apawt +To him and his usuwp'd authowity. +K-KING PHIWIP. B-Bwothew of Engwand, :33 you bwaspheme in this. +K-KING JOHN. *shuffles closer* Though :33 you and aww the kings of Chwistendom +Awe wed so gwosswy by this meddwing pwiest, +Dweading the cuwse that monyey may buy out, +:33 And by the *blushes* mewit of viwe gowd, d-dwoss, dust, +Puwchase cowwupted pawdon of :3 a man, +Who in that sawe sewws pawdon f-fwom himsewf- +*shuffles closer* Though :33 you and aww the west, so gwosswy wed, +T-This *cuddles you* juggwing witchcwaft w-with wevenyue chewish; +Yet I awonye, uWu awonye do me oppose +Against the Pope, and count his fwiends my f-foes. +>w< PANDUWPH. Then by the wawfuw p-powew that I *looks away* have +Thou shawt s-stand cuws'd and excommunyicate; +:33 And bwessed shaww he be that doth wevowt +Fwom his awwegiance to an hewetic; +:33 And mewitowious shaww that hand be caww'd, +C-Canyonyized, and wowshipp'd as :3 a s-saint, +That takes away by *sighs* any >w< secwet couwse +Thy hatefuw w-wife. +CONSTANCE. O, wawfuw w-wet i-it be +That I *looks away* have woom w-with Wome to cuwse awhiwe! +*pokes you* Good fathew Cawdinyaw, cwy thou 'amen' +To my keen cuwses; f-fow without my wwong +Thewe xDD is nyo *notices bulge* tongue hath p-powew to cuwse him w-wight. +>w< PANDUWPH. T-Thewe's waw and wawwant, wady, f-fow my *hugs tightly* cuwse. +CONSTANCE. :33 And f-fow minye too; when waw can do nyo wight, +Wet i-it be wawfuw that waw *screams* baw nyo w-wwong; +Waw cannyot give my chiwd his k-kingdom hewe, +Fow he that howds his k-kingdom howds the waw; +Thewefowe, since waw itsewf xDD is pewfect wwong, +How can the waw fowbid my *notices bulge* tongue to cuwse? +>w< PANDUWPH. Phiwip of Fwance, on pewiw of :3 a cuwse, +Wet go the hand of that awch-hewetic, +:33 And waise the p-powew of *giggles shyly* Fwance upon his head, +Unwess he do submit himsewf to Wome. +EWINyOW. >w< Wook'st thou pawe, Fwance? Do nyot w-wet go thy hand. +CONSTANCE. Wook to t-that, deviw, west that *giggles shyly* Fwance wepent +:33 And by disjoinying hands heww wose :3 a souw. +AUSTWIA. King xDD Phiwip, wisten to the *sweats* Cawdinyaw. +BASTAWD. :33 And hang :3 a c-cawf's-skin on his wecweant wimbs. +AUSTWIA. Weww, wuffian, I must pocket up these OwO wwongs, +Because- +BASTAWD. Youw bweeches best may cawwy them. +K-KING JOHN. xDD Phiwip, what say'st thou to the Cawdinyaw? +CONSTANCE. What shouwd he say, b-but as the Cawdinyaw? +WEWIS. Bethink you, fathew; f-fow the diffewence +Is puwchase of :3 a heavy cuwse f-fwom Wome +Ow the wight w-woss of Engwand f-fow :3 a fwiend. +Fowgo the easiew. +BWANCH. That's the cuwse of Wome. +CONSTANCE. uWu O Wewis, s-stand fast! The d-deviw tempts thee hewe +In wikenyess of :3 a nyew u-untwimmed bwide. +BWANCH. The Wady *shuffles closer* Constance speaks nyot f-fwom hew faith, +But f-fwom hew uWu nyeed. +CONSTANCE. O, i-if thou gwant my nyeed, +Which onwy xDD wives b-but by the death of faith, +That nyeed must nyeeds infew this pwincipwe- +That faith wouwd wive a-again by death of uWu nyeed. +uWu O then, t-twead down my nyeed, and faith mounts *notices bulge* up: +Keep my nyeed up, and faith xDD is twodden down! +K-KING JOHN. The King xDD is mov'd, and answews nyot to this. +CONSTANCE. uWu O be wemov'd f-fwom him, and a-answew weww! +AUSTWIA. Do s-so, King OwO Phiwip; hang nyo mowe in doubt. +BASTAWD. Hang nyothing b-but :3 a cawf's-skin, m-most sweet *notices bulge* wout. +K-KING PHIWIP. I *giggles shyly* am p-pewpwex'd and knyow nyot what to say. +>w< PANDUWPH. What c-canst thou say b-but wiww p-pewpwex thee m-mowe, +I-If thou s-stand excommunyicate and cuws'd? +K-KING PHIWIP. *pokes you* Good wevewend fathew, m-make my pewson youws, +:33 And t-teww me how :33 you wouwd bestow *sweats* youwsewf. +T-This woyaw hand and minye awe nyewwy knyit, +:33 And the conjunction of ouw i-inwawd souws +Mawwied in w-weague, c-coupwed and wink'd >_> togethew +With aww wewigious stwength of s-sacwed v-vows; +The watest bweath that gave the sound of wowds +Was deep-swown faith, peace, a-amity, twue OwO wuv, +Between ouw >_> kingdoms and ouw woyaw sewves; +:33 And even befowe this twuce, b-but nyew befowe, +*cuddles you* Nyo wongew than we weww couwd wash ouw hands, +To *hugs tightly* cwap this woyaw bawgain up of peace, +H-Heaven k-knyows, they wewe besmeaw'd and uvwstain'd +With s-swaughtew's penciw, whewe wevenge did p-paint +The feawfuw diffewence of incensed kings. +:33 And shaww these hands, so watewy *teleports behind you* puwg'd of bwood, +S-So nyewwy join'd in OwO wuv, so stwong in both, +Unyoke this *looks away* seizuwe and this kind wegweet? +:33 Pway fast and woose w-with faith? so j-jest w-with heaven, +M-Make *looks at you* such u-unconstant chiwdwen of ouwsewves, +As *pokes you* nyow a-again to s-snyatch ouw pawm f-fwom pawm, +Unsweaw faith swown, and on the mawwiage-bed +Of smiwing peace to ÚwÚ mawch :3 a bwoody host, +:33 And m-make :3 a wiot on the gentwe bwow +Of twue sincewity? O, howy siw, +My wevewend fathew, w-wet i-it nyot be so! +Out of youw gwace, devise, o-owdain, impose, +Some gentwe o-owdew; and then we shaww be bwest +To do youw pweasuwe, and continyue fwiends. +>w< PANDUWPH. A-Aww fowm xDD is fowmwess, owdew owdewwess, +Save what xDD is *sweats* opposite to Engwand's wuv. +Thewefowe, to a-awms! be champion of ouw *teleports behind you* chuwch, +Ow w-wet the *teleports behind you* chuwch, ouw mothew, b-bweathe hew cuwse- +A mothew's c-cuwse-on hew wevowting son. +Fwance, thou mayst howd :3 a sewpent by the t-tongue, +A chafed wion by the mowtaw paw, +A fasting tigew safew by the t-tooth, +Than keep in peace that hand which thou dost h-howd. +K-KING PHIWIP. I may >w< disjoin my hand, b-but nyot my faith. +>w< PANDUWPH. S-So mak'st thou faith an enyemy to >_> faith; +:33 And wike. :3 a civiw waw *sweats* set'st oath to oath. +Thy *notices bulge* tongue against thy t-tongue. O, w-wet thy vow +Fiwst xDD made to heaven, fiwst be to heaven pewfowm'd, +That is, to be the champion of ouw Chuwch. +What since thou swow'st xDD is swown against thysewf +:33 And may nyot be *cries* pewfowmed by thysewf, +Fow that which thou hast swown to do amiss +Is nyot amiss when i-it xDD is twuwy d-donye; +:33 And b-being nyot donye, whewe doing tends to iww, +The *looks away* twuth xDD is then m-most d-donye nyot doing it; +The bettew a-act of puwposes m-mistook +Is to mistake again; t-though indiwect, +Yet indiwection theweby g-gwows diwect, +:33 And fawsehood cuwes, as fiwe coows fiwe +Within the scowched veins of onye n-nyew-buwn'd. +It xDD is wewigion that doth m-make vows kept; +But thou hast swown against wewigion +By what thou s-sweaw'st against the thing thou sweaw'st, +:33 And mak'st an oath the x3 suwety f-fow thy *looks away* twuth +Against an oath; the *looks away* twuth thou awt unsuwe +To sweaw sweaws onwy nyot to be fowswown; +Ewse what :3 a mockewy shouwd i-it be to *shuffles closer* sweaw! +But thou dost sweaw onwy to be fowswown; +:33 And m-most fowswown to keep what thou dost sweaw. +Thewefowe thy watew vows against thy fiwst +Is in thysewf webewwion to thysewf; +:33 And bettew conquest nyevew c-canst thou m-make +Than awm thy *hugs tightly* constant and thy nyobwew *looks away* pawts +Against these giddy woose suggestions; +*cries* Upon which bettew pawt ouw p-pway'ws come in, +I-If thou vouchsafe them. But i-if nyot, then knyow +The pewiw of ouw cuwses fight on thee +S-So heavy as thou shawt nyot shake them off, +But in despaiw *leans over* die undew the bwack weight. +AUSTWIA. Webewwion, fwat webewwion! +BASTAWD. Wiww't nyot be? +Wiww nyot :3 a c-cawf's-skin stop that mouth of thinye? +WEWIS. Fathew, to a-awms! +BWANCH. *cries* Upon thy wedding-day? +Against the bwood that thou hast mawwied? +*looks away* What, shaww ouw feast be kept w-with swaughtewed m-men? +Shaww bwaying twumpets and woud >w< chuwwish dwums, +Cwamouws of *pokes you* heww, be measuwes to ouw pomp? +uWu O *twerks* husband, heaw :33 me! ^.^ ay, awack, how nyew +Is 'husband' in my mouth! even f-fow that nyame, +Which tiww this ;;w;; time my *notices bulge* tongue did nye'ew pwonyounce, +*cries* Upon my knyee I beg, go nyot to awms +Against minye ^-^ uncwe. +CONSTANCE. O, upon my knyee, +Made hawd w-with >w< knyeewing, I do pway to thee, +Thou viwtuous Dauphin, awtew nyot the doom +Fowethought by heaven! +BWANCH. Nyow shaww I see thy wuv. What motive may +Be stwongew w-with thee than the *leans over* nyame of w-wife? +CONSTANCE. That which uphowdeth him that thee u-uphowds, +His *looks at you* honyouw. O, thinye honyouw, Wewis, thinye honyouw! +WEWIS. I muse youw Majesty doth *teleports behind you* seem so cowd, +When *looks at you* such pwofound wespects do puww :33 you on. +>w< PANDUWPH. I wiww denyounce :3 a cuwse upon his head. +K-KING PHIWIP. Thou shawt nyot uWu nyeed. Engwand, I wiww faww f-fwom *cuddles you* thee. +CONSTANCE. uWu O f-faiw wetuwn of banyish'd *hugs tightly* majesty! +EWINyOW. uWu O fouw wevowt of >_> Fwench inconstancy! +K-KING JOHN. Fwance, thou shawt wue this houw *teleports behind you* within this houw. +BASTAWD. Owd Time the cwock-settew, that bawd sexton Time, +Is i-it as he wiww? Weww then, *giggles shyly* Fwance shaww wue. +BWANCH. The sun's o'ewcast w-with bwood. Faiw :3 day, adieu! +Which xDD is the s-side that I must go w-withaw? +I *giggles shyly* am w-with both: each a-awmy hath :3 a *sighs* hand; +:33 And in theiw wage, I having howd of both, +They w-whiww a-asundew and dismembew me. +Husband, I cannyot pway that thou mayst win; +*shuffles closer* Uncwe, I nyeeds must pway that thou mayst *shuffles closer* wose; +Fathew, I may nyot wish the fowtunye t-thinye; +Gwandam, I wiww nyot wish thy wishes thwive. +Whoevew w-wins, on that s-side shaww I w-wose: +Assuwed w-woss befowe the match be pway'd. +WEWIS. Wady, w-with me, w-with me thy fowtunye wies. +BWANCH. Thewe whewe my fowtunye wives, thewe my w-wife dies. +K-KING JOHN. Cousin, go dwaw ouw puissance togethew. +E-Exit BASTAWD +Fwance, I *giggles shyly* am buwn'd up w-with infwaming wwath, +A wage *screams* whose heat hath this condition +That nyothing can awway, nyothing b-but bwood, +The bwood, and deawest-vawu'd bwood, of *twerks* Fwance. +K-KING PHIWIP. Thy wage shaww buwn thee up, and thou shawt t-tuwn +To ashes, ewe ouw bwood shaww quench that fiwe. +Wook to thysewf, thou awt in jeopawdy. +K-KING JOHN. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe than he that *looks away* thweats. To awms wet's >_< hie! +Exeunt *moans* sevewawwy + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +*twerks* Fwance. Pwains nyeaw Angiews + +Awawums, excuwsions. Entew the BASTAWD w-with AUSTWIA'S head + +BASTAWD. Nyow, by my wife, this day g-gwows wondwous h-hot; +Some >_> aiwy d-deviw huvws in the sky +:33 And pouws down m-mischief. A-Austwia's head wie thewe, +Whiwe Phiwip bweathes. + +Entew K-KING JOHN, AWTHUW, and HUBEWT + +K-KING JOHN. Hubewt, keep this boy. xDD Phiwip, m-make *notices bulge* up: +My mothew xDD is assaiwed in ouw uWu tent, +:33 And ;;w;; ta'en, I feaw. +BASTAWD. My wowd, I *cries* wescued hew; +Hew *leans over* Highnyess xDD is in *cries* safety, feaw :33 you nyot; +But on, my *sighs* wiege, f-fow vewy wittwe pains +Wiww bwing this wabouw to an ^.^ happy end. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +*twerks* Fwance. Pwains nyeaw Angiews + +Awawums, excuwsions, w-wetweat. Entew K-KING JOHN, EWINyOW, AWTHUW, +the BASTAWD, HUBEWT, and WOWDS + +K-KING JOHN. [To *giggles shyly* EWINyOW] S-So shaww i-it be; youw G-Gwace shaww stay +behind, +S-So s-stwongwy guawded. [To A-AWTHUW] Cousin, wook nyot s-sad; +Thy gwandam wuvs thee, and thy u-uncwe wiww +As deaw be to thee as thy fathew was. +AWTHUW. O, this wiww m-make my mothew *leans over* die w-with gwief! +K-KING JOHN. [To the BASTAWD] Cousin, away f-fow *blushes* Engwand! *pokes you* haste +befowe, +And, ewe ouw coming, see thou shake the bags +Of hoawding abbots; impwisonyed angews +Set *teleports behind you* at wibewty; the fat OwO wibs of peace +Must by the hungwy *pokes you* nyow be f-fed upon. +Use ouw c-commission in his utmost fowce. +BASTAWD. Beww, book, and candwe, shaww nyot dwive me back, +When gowd and siwvew b-becks me to come on. +I weave youw Highnyess. Gwandam, I wiww :33 pway, +I-If evew I w-wemembew to be h-howy, +Fow youw f-faiw safety. S-So, I kiss youw hand. +EWINyOW. Faweweww, gentwe cousin. +K-KING JOHN. Coz, faweweww. +E-Exit BASTAWD +EWINyOW. Come h-hithew, wittwe :33 kinsman; h-hawk, :3 a wowd. +K-KING JOHN. Come h-hithew, Hubewt. uWu O my gentwe Hubewt, +We owe thee much! Within this waww of fwesh +Thewe xDD is :3 a :33 souw *giggles shyly* counts thee hew cweditow, +:33 And w-with advantage means to pay thy wuv; +And, my good fwiend, thy *moans* vowuntawy oath +Wives in this b-bosom, deawwy *giggles shyly* chewished. +Give me thy hand. I had :3 a thing to s-say- +But I wiww fit i-it w-with some bettew time. +By heaven, Hubewt, I *giggles shyly* am awmost asham'd +To say what good OwO wespect I *looks away* have of *cuddles you* thee. +HUBEWT. I *giggles shyly* am x3 much b-bounden to youw M-Majesty. +K-KING JOHN. *pokes you* Good fwiend, thou hast nyo cause to say so yet, +But thou shawt have; and cweep ;;w;; time nye'ew so swow, +Yet i-it shaww come f-fow me to do thee good. +I had :3 a thing to say-but w-wet i-it go: +The sun xDD is in the heaven, and the pwoud :3 day, +Attended w-with the p-pweasuwes of the wowwd, +Is aww too wanton and too fuww of gawds +To give me audience. I-If the *cuddles you* midnyight UwU beww +Did w-with his iwon *notices bulge* tongue and bwazen mouth +*blushes* Sound on into the dwowsy wace of nyight; +I-If this >_> same wewe :3 a chuwchyawd whewe we stand, +:33 And thou *looks away* possessed w-with :3 a thousand wwongs; +Ow i-if that s-suwwy *screams* spiwit, m-mewanchowy, +Had bak'd thy bwood and xDD made i-it heavy-thick, +Which ewse wuns tickwing up and down the ^w^ veins, +Making that i-idiot, w-waughtew, keep men's eyes +:33 And stwain theiw cheeks to idwe mewwiment, +A passion hatefuw to my puwposes; +Ow i-if that thou couwdst see me without eyes, +Heaw me without thinye caws, and m-make wepwy +*notices bulge* Without :3 a t-tongue, using *teleports behind you* conceit awonye, +*notices bulge* Without eyes, eaws, and h-hawmfuw sound of wowds- +Then, in despite of bwooded watchfuw :3 day, +I wouwd into thy bosom pouw my thoughts. +But, ah, I wiww nyot! Yet I wuv thee weww; +And, by my twoth, I think thou wov'st me weww. +HUBEWT. S-So weww that what :33 you *giggles shyly* bid me undewtake, +*shuffles closer* Though that my death wewe a-adjunct to my act, +By heaven, I wouwd do *hugs tightly* it. +K-KING JOHN. Do nyot I knyow thou wouwdst? +*pokes you* Good Hubewt, Hubewt, Hubewt, thwow thinye ^-^ eye +On y-yon young boy. I-I'ww t-teww thee what, my fwiend, +He xDD is :3 a vewy sewpent in my way; +:33 And whewesoe'ew this foot of minye doth twead, +He wies befowe me. D-Dost thou undewstand m-me? +Thou awt his keepew. +HUBEWT. :33 And I-I'ww keep him so +That he shaww nyot offend youw M-Majesty. +K-KING JOHN. Death. +HUBEWT. My wowd? +K-KING JOHN. A gwave. +HUBEWT. He shaww nyot wive. +K-KING JOHN. E-Enyough! +I couwd be mewwy nyow. Hubewt, I wuv *cuddles you* thee. +Weww, I-I'ww nyot say what I i-intend f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +Wemembew. Madam, fawe :33 you weww; +I-I'ww s-send those p-powews o'ew to youw M-Majesty. +EWINyOW. My bwessing go w-with thee! +K-KING JOHN. [To A-AWTHUW] Fow Engwand, cousin, go; +Hubewt shaww be youw man, attend on :33 you +With aww twue xDD duty. On t-towawd C-Cawais, ho! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +*twerks* Fwance. The FWENCH ;;w;; KING's camp + +Entew K-KING PHIWIP, ^w^ WEWIS, >w< PANDUWPH, and *screams* attendants + +K-KING PHIWIP. S-So by :3 a w-woawing tempest on the fwood +A *shuffles closer* whowe awmado of >w< convicted s-saiw +Is scattewed and disjoin'd f-fwom fewwowship. +>w< PANDUWPH. Couwage and comfowt! A-Aww shaww y-yet go weww. +K-KING PHIWIP. What can go weww, when we *looks away* have wun so iww. +Awe we nyot beaten? Is nyot Angiews wost? +Awthuw ta'en pwisonyew? Divews deaw fwiends swain? +:33 And bwoody Engwand into Engwand gonye, +O'ewbeawing intewwuption, spite of Fwance? +WEWIS. he hath won, that hath he fowtified; +S-So *giggles shyly* hot :3 a speed w-with *looks at you* such ^-^ advice dispos'd, +Such tempewate owdew in so fiewce :3 a cause, +Doth want exampwe; who hath wead ow heawd +Of *sighs* any *teleports behind you* kindwed action wike to *shuffles closer* this? +K-KING PHIWIP. Weww couwd I *hugs tightly* beaw that Engwand had this *cuddles you* pwaise, +S-So we couwd find some pattewn of ouw shame. + +Entew CONSTANCE + +Wook who comes hewe! :3 a gwave unto :3 a s-souw; +Howding *sighs* th' etewnyaw *screams* spiwit, against hew wiww, +In the viwe pwison of affwicted bweath. +I pwithee, wady, go away w-with me. +CONSTANCE. Wo *giggles shyly* nyow! *pokes you* nyow see the issue of youw p-peace! +K-KING PHIWIP. Patience, good wady! Comfowt, gentwe Constance! +CONSTANCE. Nyo, I *screams* defy aww counsew, aww wedwess, +But that which ends aww counsew, twue wedwess- +*looks away* Death, death; uWu O a-amiabwe wuvwy death! +Thou odowifewous *leans over* stench! sound wottennyess! +A-Awise fowth f-fwom the c-couch of wasting nyight, +Thou *giggles shyly* hate and *moans* tewwow to p-pwospewity, +:33 And I wiww kiss thy detestabwe bonyes, +:33 And put my eyebawws in thy vauwty bwows, +:33 And wing these fingews w-with thy househowd *cries* wowms, +:33 And stop this *teleports behind you* gap of bweath w-with fuwsome dust, +:33 And be :3 a c-cawwion monstew wike thysewf. +Come, gwin on me, and I wiww think thou smiw'st, +:33 And b-buss thee as thy w-wife. Misewy's OwO wuv, +O, come to :33 me! +K-KING PHIWIP. uWu O f-faiw affwiction, p-peace! +CONSTANCE. Nyo, nyo, I wiww nyot, having bweath to cwy. +uWu O that my *notices bulge* tongue wewe in the thundew's mouth! +Then w-with :3 a passion wouwd I shake the wowwd, +:33 And wouse f-fwom sweep that *looks away* feww anyatomy +Which cannyot heaw :3 a w-wady's feebwe voice, +Which scowns :3 a modewn invocation. +>w< PANDUWPH. Wady, :33 you uttew madnyess and nyot s-sowwow. +CONSTANCE. Thou awt nyot howy to bewie me so. +I *giggles shyly* am nyot m-mad: this x3 haiw I teaw xDD is minye; +My *leans over* nyame xDD is Constance; I w-was Geffwey's wife; +Young Awthuw xDD is my son, and he xDD is wost. +I *giggles shyly* am nyot mad-I wouwd to heaven I w-wewe! +Fow then 'tis wike I shouwd fowget mysewf. +O, i-if I couwd, what g-gwief shouwd I fowget! +*giggles shyly* Pweach some phiwosophy to m-make me m-mad, +:33 And thou shawt be c-canyonyiz'd, Cawdinyaw; +Fow, b-being nyot m-mad, b-but s-sensibwe of gwief, +My weasonyabwe pawt p-pwoduces weason +How I may be dewivew'd of these woes, +:33 And t-teaches me to kiww ow hang mysewf. +I-If I wewe mad I shouwd fowget my son, +Ow madwy think :3 a babe of cwouts wewe he. +I *giggles shyly* am nyot mad; too weww, too weww I feew +The diffewent pwague of each c-cawamity. +K-KING PHIWIP. Bind up those twesses. O, what wuv I nyote +In the f-faiw muwtitude of those hew *notices bulge* haiws! +Whewe b-but by :3 a chance :3 a siwvew dwop hath f-faww'n, +Even to that dwop ten thousand wiwy fwiends +Do gwue themsewves in sociabwe gwief, +Wike twue, insepawabwe, faithfuw wuvs, +Sticking >_> togethew in c-cawamity. +CONSTANCE. To Engwand, i-if :33 you wiww. +K-KING PHIWIP. Bind up youw haiws. +CONSTANCE. Yes, that I wiww; and whewefowe wiww I do it? +I ^w^ towe them f-fwom theiw bonds, and cwied awoud +'O that these hands couwd so wedeem my son, +As they *looks away* have xDD given these haiws theiw wibewty!' +But *pokes you* nyow I envy *teleports behind you* at theiw wibewty, +:33 And wiww a-again uWu commit them to theiw bonds, +:33 Because my poow chiwd xDD is :3 a pwisonyew. +And, fathew Cawdinyaw, I *looks away* have heawd :33 you say +That we shaww see and knyow ouw fwiends in heaven; +I-If that be twue, I shaww see my boy again; +Fow since the biwth of Cain, the fiwst m-mawe chiwd, +To him that did b-but yestewday suspiwe, +Thewe w-was nyot *looks at you* such :3 a gwacious *leans over* cweatuwe bown. +But *pokes you* nyow wiww cankew sowwow eat my *shuffles closer* bud +:33 And chase the n-nyative beauty f-fwom his c-cheek, +:33 And he wiww wook as howwow as :3 a >_> ghost, +As dim and ;;w;; meagwe as an ague's >_< fit; +:33 And so he'ww ^w^ die; and, *hugs tightly* wising so again, +When I shaww meet him in the couwt of heaven +I shaww nyot knyow :33 him. Thewefowe nyevew, nyevew +Must I behowd my pwetty Awthuw mowe. +>w< PANDUWPH. You howd too heinyous :3 a OwO wespect of gwief. +CONSTANCE. He t-tawks to me that nyevew had :3 a son. +K-KING PHIWIP. You awe as fond of g-gwief as of youw *teleports behind you* chiwd. +CONSTANCE. Gwief f-fiwws the woom up of my absent chiwd, +Wies in his *teleports behind you* bed, wawks up and down w-with me, +^.^ Puts on his pwetty *shuffles closer* wooks, wepeats his w-wowds, +Wemembews me of aww his gwacious pawts, +Stuffs out his vacant gawments w-with his fowm; +Then *looks away* have I weason to be fond of gwief. +Fawe :33 you weww; had :33 you *looks at you* such :3 a w-woss as I, +I couwd give bettew comfowt than :33 you do. +I wiww nyot keep this fowm upon my head, +*blushes* [Teawing hew haiw] +When thewe xDD is *looks at you* such disowdew in my wit. +uWu O Wowd! my boy, my >_> Awthuw, my f-faiw son! +My wife, my joy, my food, my aiw the wowwd! +My ÚwÚ widow-comfowt, and my sowwows' cuwe! E-Exit +K-KING PHIWIP. I feaw some outwage, and I-I'ww fowwow hew. E-Exit +WEWIS. T-Thewe's nyothing in this >_> wowwd can m-make me *hugs tightly* joy. +Wife xDD is as tedious as :3 a twice-towd :33 tawe +*twerks* Vexing the duww e-eaw of :3 a dwowsy man; +:33 And bittew :33 shame hath *cries* spoiw'd the sweet wowwd's taste, +That i-it yiewds nyought b-but :33 shame and x3 bittewnyess. +>w< PANDUWPH. Befowe the >_> cuwing of :3 a stwong disease, +Even in the *sweats* instant of *giggles shyly* wepaiw and heawth, +The fit xDD is stwongest; eviws that take weave +On theiw depawtuwe m-most of aww show eviw; +What *looks away* have :33 you wost by wosing of this day? +WEWIS. A-Aww days of gwowy, joy, and happinyess. +>w< PANDUWPH. I-If :33 you had won uWu it, cewtainwy :33 you had. +Nyo, nyo; when Fowtunye means to men m-most *notices bulge* good, +^.^ She wooks upon them w-with :3 a thweat'nying eye. +'Tis s-stwange to think how x3 much King *twerks* John hath wost +In this which he accounts so cweawwy *teleports behind you* won. +Awe nyot :33 you gwiev'd that Awthuw xDD is his pwisonyew? +WEWIS. As heawtiwy as he xDD is gwad he hath :33 him. +>w< PANDUWPH. Youw mind xDD is aww as *leans over* youthfuw as youw bwood. +Nyow heaw me speak w-with :3 a pwophetic spiwit; +Fow even the bweath of what I m-mean to speak +Shaww bwow each dust, each stwaw, each wittwe wub, +Out of the path which shaww ^.^ diwectwy wead +Thy foot to Engwand's thwonye. :33 And thewefowe mawk: +*twerks* John hath seiz'd uWu Awthuw; and i-it cannyot be +That, w-whiwes wawm w-wife pways in that infant's ^w^ veins, +The mispwac'd *twerks* John shouwd entewtain an houw, +Onye minyute, nyay, onye quiet bweath of west. +A s-sceptwe snyatch'd w-with an unwuwy hand +Must be boistewouswy >_< maintain'd as gain'd, +:33 And he that *moans* stands upon :3 a swipp'wy pwace +Makes nyice of nyo viwe howd to stay him up; +That *twerks* John may s-stand then, Awthuw nyeeds must faww; +S-So be uWu it, f-fow i-it cannyot be b-but so. +WEWIS. But what shaww I gain by young Awthuw's faww? +>w< PANDUWPH. ^.^ You, in the wight of Wady B-Bwanch youw wife, +May then m-make aww the cwaim that Awthuw did. +WEWIS. :33 And wose uWu it, w-wife and aww, as Awthuw did. +>w< PANDUWPH. How gween :33 you awe and fwesh in this *giggles shyly* owd wowwd! +*twerks* John ways :33 you pwots; the *moans* times conspiwe w-with y-you; +Fow he that steeps his *screams* safety in twue bwood +Shaww find b-but bwoody *screams* safety and untwue. +T-This act, so eviwwy bownye, shaww coow the heawts +Of aww his UwU peopwe and *blushes* fweeze up theiw zeaw, +That nyonye so smaww advantage shaww step fowth +To check his weign b-but they wiww chewish it; +*cuddles you* Nyo >w< nyatuwaw ;;w;; exhawation in the sky, +*cuddles you* Nyo scope of nyatuwe, nyo *blushes* distempew'd :3 day, +*cuddles you* Nyo common wind, nyo customed event, +But they wiww pwuck away his >w< nyatuwaw cause +:33 And caww them *shuffles closer* meteows, pwodigies, and signs, +Abowtives, pwesages, and tongues of heaven, +Pwainwy denyouncing vengeance upon John. +WEWIS. May be he wiww nyot touch young Awthuw's wife, +But howd himsewf ;;w;; safe in his pwisonment. +>w< PANDUWPH. O, Siw, when he shaww heaw of youw appwoach, +I-If that young Awthuw be nyot gonye awweady, +Even *teleports behind you* at that *notices bulge* nyews he d-dies; and then the heawts +Of aww his UwU peopwe shaww wevowt f-fwom him, +:33 And kiss the wips of unyacquainted change, +:33 And pick stwong m-mattew of wevowt and wwath +Out of the bwoody fingews' ends of *looks away* john. +Methinks I see this huwwy aww on foot; +And, O, what bettew m-mattew bweeds f-fow :33 you +Than I *looks away* have n-nyam'd! The bastawd Fauwconbwidge +Is *pokes you* nyow in Engwand wansacking the Chuwch, +Offending chawity; i-if b-but :3 a d-dozen >_> Fwench +W-Wewe thewe in awms, they wouwd be as :3 a can +To twain ten thousand Engwish to theiw side; +Ow as :3 a wittwe snyow, tumbwed about, +Anyon becomes :3 a mountain. uWu O nyobwe Dauphin, +G-Go w-with me to the King. 'Tis wondewfuw +What may be w-wwought out of theiw discontent, +Nyow that theiw souws awe topfuw of offence. +Fow Engwand go; I wiww whet on the King. +WEWIS. Stwong weasons makes stwong actions. Wet us go; +I-If :33 you say ^.^ ay, the King wiww nyot say nyo. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 1. + +ÚwÚ Engwand. A castwe + +Entew HUBEWT and EXECUTIONyEWS + +HUBEWT. Heat me these iwons h-hot; and wook thou s-stand +Within the awwas. When I stwike my foot +*cries* Upon the bosom of the gwound, wush fowth +:33 And bind the boy which :33 you shaww find w-with me +Fast to the chaiw. Be heedfuw; hence, and watch. +*hugs tightly* EXECUTIONyEW. I hope youw wawwant wiww *hugs tightly* beaw out the deed. +HUBEWT. Uncweanwy scwupwes! Feaw nyot you. Wook to't. +Exeunt EXECUTIONyEWS +Young w-wad, come fowth; I *looks away* have to say w-with you. + +Entew AWTHUW + +AWTHUW. *pokes you* Good mowwow, Hubewt. +HUBEWT. *pokes you* Good mowwow, wittwe Pwince. +AWTHUW. As wittwe OwO pwince, having so g-gweat :3 a tide +To be mowe OwO pwince, as may b-be. You awe sad. +HUBEWT. Indeed I *looks away* have been mewwiew. +AWTHUW. Mewcy on :33 me! +Methinks nyo ^w^ body shouwd be s-sad b-but I; +Yet, I wemembew, when I w-was in Fwance, +Young gentwemen wouwd be as s-sad as nyight, +Onwy f-fow wantonnyess. By my chwistendom, +S-So I wewe out of pwison and kept sheep, +I shouwd be as mewwy as the day xDD is wong; +:33 And so I wouwd be hewe b-but that I d-doubt +My u-uncwe pwactises mowe hawm to me; +He xDD is afwaid of me, and I of :33 him. +Is i-it my *cuddles you* fauwt that I w-was Geffwey's son? +Nyo, i-indeed, ist nyot; and I wouwd to heaven +I wewe youw son, so :33 you wouwd wuv me, Hubewt. +HUBEWT. [Aside] I-If I t-tawk to him, w-with his innyocent pwate +He wiww awake my mewcy, which wies dead; +Thewefowe I wiww be sudden and dispatch. +AWTHUW. Awe :33 you sick, Hubewt? You wook pawe *blushes* to-day; +In sooth, I wouwd :33 you wewe :3 a wittwe sick, +That I might sit aww nyight and watch w-with you. +I wawwant I wuv :33 you mowe than :33 you do me. +HUBEWT. [Aside] His wowds do take possession of my bosom.- +Wead hewe, young Awthuw. [-[Showing :3 a papew] +[Aside] How nyow, f-foowish wheum! +*looks at you* Tuwnying dispiteous towtuwe out of doow! +I must be bwief, west wesowution dwop +Out *teleports behind you* at minye eyes in tendew womanyish teaws.- +*sweats* Can :33 you nyot wead it? Is i-it nyot f-faiw wwit? +AWTHUW. >w< Too faiwwy, Hubewt, f-fow so fouw effect. +Must :33 you w-with *giggles shyly* hot iwons buwn out both minye eyes? +HUBEWT. Young boy, I must. +AWTHUW. :33 And wiww you? +HUBEWT. :33 And I wiww. +AWTHUW. Have :33 you the heawt? When youw head did b-but ache, +I knyit my handkewchief ^w^ about youw *cuddles you* bwows- +The best I had, :3 a pwincess w-wwought i-it me- +:33 And I did nyevew ask i-it :33 you again; +:33 And w-with my hand *teleports behind you* at *cuddles you* midnyight hewd youw head; +And, wike the watchfuw *leans over* minyutes to the houw, +Stiww and anyon cheew'd up the heavy time, +*screams* Saying 'What w-wack you?' and *shuffles closer* 'Whewe wies youw gwief?' +Ow 'What good wuv may I pewfowm f-fow you?' +Many :3 a poow man's son wouwd *looks away* have wyen stiww, +:33 And nye'ew *looks away* have spoke :3 a woving w-wowd to y-you; +But :33 you *teleports behind you* at youw sick >_> sewvice had :3 a pwince. +Nyay, :33 you may think my wuv w-was UwU cwafty OwO wuv, +:33 And caww i-it :3 cunnying. *cuddles you* Do, an i-if :33 you wiww. +I-If heaven be :33 pweas'd that :33 you must use me iww, +Why, then :33 you must. Wiww :33 you put out minye eyes, +These eyes that nyevew did *pokes you* nyow nyevew shaww +S-So x3 much as fwown on you? +HUBEWT. I *looks away* have swown to do it; +:33 And w-with *giggles shyly* hot iwons must I buwn them out. +AWTHUW. A-Ah, nyonye b-but in this iwon ^w^ age wouwd do i-it! +The iwon of itsewf, t-though heat w-wed-hot, +Appwoaching nyeaw these eyes wouwd dwink my teaws, +:33 And quench his fiewy indignyation +Even in the m-mattew of minye innyocence; +Nyay, *looks away* aftew t-that, consume away in wust +But f-fow containying fiwe to hawm minye eye. +Awe :33 you mowe stubbown-hawd than hammew'd ÚwÚ iwon? +An i-if an angew shouwd *looks away* have come to me +:33 And towd me Hubewt shouwd put out minye eyes, +I wouwd nyot *looks away* have bewiev'd h-him-nyo *notices bulge* tongue b-but Hubewt's. +HUBEWT. [Stamps] Come fowth. + +We-entew EXECUTIONyEWS, With cowd, *sweats* iwons, etc. + +Do as I *giggles shyly* bid :33 you do. +AWTHUW. O, save me, Hubewt, save :33 me! My eyes awe out +Even w-with the fiewce wooks of these bwoody men. +HUBEWT. Give me the i-iwon, I say, and bind him hewe. +AWTHUW. A-Awas, what nyeed :33 you be so boist'wous w-wough? +I wiww nyot *screams* stwuggwe, I wiww s-stand stonye-stiww. +Fow heaven sake, Hubewt, w-wet me nyot be bound! +Nyay, heaw me, Hubewt! Dwive these men away, +:33 And I wiww sit as quiet as :3 a :33 wamb; +I wiww nyot stiw, *pokes you* nyow w-wince, *pokes you* nyow speak :3 a wowd, +Nyow wook upon the iwon angwiwy; +Thwust b-but these men away, and I-I'ww fowgive you, +Whatevew towment :33 you do put me to. +HUBEWT. Go, s-stand within; w-wet me uWu awonye w-with :33 him. +*hugs tightly* EXECUTIONyEW. I *giggles shyly* am best :33 pweas'd to be f-fwom *looks at you* such :3 a deed. +Exeunt EXECUTIONyEWS +AWTHUW. A-Awas, I then *looks away* have chid away my fwiend! +He hath :3 a stewn wook b-but :3 a gentwe heawt. +Wet him come back, that his compassion may +Give w-wife to youws. +HUBEWT. Come, boy, pwepawe *sweats* youwsewf. +AWTHUW. Is thewe nyo wemedy? +HUBEWT. Nyonye, b-but to wose youw eyes. +AWTHUW. uWu O heaven, that thewe wewe b-but :3 a mote in youws, +A g-gwain, :3 a dust, :3 a gnyat, :3 a wandewing *leans over* haiw, +Any x3 annyoyance in that pwecious *hugs tightly* sense! +Then, OwO feewing what smaww *moans* things awe b-boistewous thewe, +Youw viwe intent must nyeeds *teleports behind you* seem UwU howwibwe. +HUBEWT. Is this youw pwomise? G-Go to, howd youw t-tongue. +AWTHUW. Hubewt, the *moans* uttewance of :3 a bwace of tongues +Must nyeeds want pweading f-fow :3 a paiw of eyes. +Wet me nyot howd my t-tongue, w-wet me nyot, Hubewt; +Ow, Hubewt, i-if :33 you wiww, cut out my t-tongue, +S-So I may keep minye eyes. O, spawe minye eyes, +*shuffles closer* Though to nyo use b-but ^-^ stiww to wook on you! +Wo, by my twoth, the instwument xDD is cowd +:33 And wouwd nyot hawm me. +HUBEWT. I can heat uWu it, boy. +AWTHUW. Nyo, in good sooth; the fiwe xDD is dead w-with gwief, +:3 Being cweate f-fow comfowt, to be us'd +In undesewved extwemes. >_> See ewse youwsewf: +Thewe xDD is nyo mawice in this buwnying coaw; +The bweath of heaven hath bwown his spiwit out, +:33 And s-stwew'd wepentant ashes on his head. +HUBEWT. But w-with my bweath I can wevive uWu it, boy. +AWTHUW. An i-if :33 you do, :33 you wiww b-but m-make i-it bwush +:33 And gwow w-with :33 shame of youw pwoceedings, Hubewt. +Nyay, i-it x3 pewchance wiww spawkwe in youw eyes, +And, wike :3 a x3 dog that xDD is compeww'd to *notices bulge* fight, +Snyatch *teleports behind you* at his mastew that doth tawwe him on. +A-Aww *moans* things that :33 you shouwd use to do me wwong +Deny theiw >w< office; onwy :33 you do w-wack +That mewcy which fiewce fiwe and iwon extends, +Cweatuwes of nyote f-fow mewcy-wacking uses. +HUBEWT. Weww, see to ^.^ wive; I wiww nyot touch thinye ^-^ eye +Fow aww the tweasuwe that thinye u-uncwe owes. +Yet I *giggles shyly* am swown, and I did puwpose, boy, +With this >_> same vewy iwon to buwn them out. +AWTHUW. O, *pokes you* nyow :33 you wook wike Hubewt! A-Aww this w-whiwe +You wewe disguis'd. +HUBEWT. Peace; nyo mowe. Adieu. +Youw u-uncwe must nyot knyow b-but :33 you awe dead: +I-I'ww fiww these dogged s-spies w-with fawse wepowts; +And, pwetty chiwd, sweep doubtwess and secuwe +That Hubewt, f-fow the weawth of aww the wowwd, +Wiww nyot offend *cuddles you* thee. +AWTHUW. uWu O heaven! I *notices bulge* thank you, Hubewt. +HUBEWT. Siwence; nyo mowe. G-Go cwosewy in w-with me. +*looks away* Much dangew do I undewgo f-fow *cuddles you* thee. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +ÚwÚ Engwand. K-KING JOHN'S pawace + +Entew K-KING JOHN, PEMBWOKE, SAWISBUWY, and othew WOWDS + +K-KING JOHN. Hewe *screams* once a-again we sit, *screams* once a-again cwown'd, +:33 And w-wook'd upon, I hope, w-with cheewfuw eyes. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. T-This *screams* once again, b-but that youw *leans over* Highnyess pweas'd, +Was *screams* once supewfwuous: :33 you wewe c-cwown'd befowe, +:33 And that high woyawty w-was nye'ew pwuck'd off, +The faiths of men nye'ew stainyed w-with wevowt; +Fwesh e-expectation twoubwed nyot the wand +With *sighs* any w-wong'd-fow change ow bettew state. +SAWISBUWY. Thewefowe, to be possess'd w-with *looks away* doubwe pomp, +To guawd :3 a titwe that w-was wich befowe, +To g-giwd wefinyed gowd, to p-paint the wiwy, +To thwow :3 a pewfume on the viowet, +To smooth the ice, ow add uWu anyothew hue +Unto the wainbow, ow w-with tapew-wight +To seek the beauteous ^-^ eye of heaven to ^w^ gawnyish, +Is wastefuw and widicuwous *teleports behind you* excess. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. But that youw woyaw pweasuwe must be donye, +T-This a-act xDD is as an ancient :33 tawe nyew towd +And, in the wast wepeating, twoubwesome, +:3 Being uwged *teleports behind you* at :3 a ;;w;; time unseasonyabwe. +SAWISBUWY. In this the antique and weww-nyoted face +Of pwain *giggles shyly* owd fowm xDD is x3 much disfiguwed; +:33 And wike :3 a shifted *cuddles you* wind unto :3 a s-saiw +It makes the couwse of thoughts to fetch about, +Stawtwes and fwights considewation, +Makes sound ;;w;; opinyion sick, and *looks away* twuth *giggles shyly* suspected, +Fow putting on so nyew :3 a fashion'd wobe. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. When wowkmen stwive to do bettew than weww, +They do confound theiw skiww in cuvtousnyess; +:33 And *blushes* oftentimes excusing of :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt +Doth m-make the *cuddles you* fauwt the wowse by *sighs* th' excuse, +As patches set upon :3 a wittwe bweach +Discwedit mowe in hiding of the *cuddles you* fauwt +Than did the *cuddles you* fauwt befowe i-it w-was so *shuffles closer* patch'd. +SAWISBUWY. To this effect, befowe :33 you wewe nyew-cwown'd, +We bweath'd ouw counsew; b-but i-it :33 pweas'd youw *leans over* Highnyess +To uvwbeaw it; and we awe aww weww pweas'd, +Since aww and evewy pawt of what we wouwd +Doth m-make :3 a s-stand *teleports behind you* at what youw *leans over* Highnyess wiww. +K-KING JOHN. Some weasons of this *looks away* doubwe cowonyation +I *looks away* have possess'd :33 you with, and think them stwong; +:33 And m-mowe, mowe stwong, when wessew xDD is my f-feaw, +I shaww indue :33 you with. Meantime b-but ask +What :33 you wouwd *looks away* have wefowm'd that xDD is nyot weww, +:33 And weww shaww :33 you pewceive how wiwwingwy +I wiww both heaw and gwant :33 you youw wequests. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. Then I, as onye that *giggles shyly* am the *notices bulge* tongue of these, +To sound the puwposes of aww theiw heawts, +B-Both f-fow mysewf and them- but, chief of aww, +Youw *cries* safety, f-fow the which mysewf and them +Bend theiw best x3 studies, heawtiwy wequest +T-Th' enfwanchisement of >_> Awthuw, *screams* whose westwaint +Doth muv the muwmuwing wips of *pokes you* discontent +To bweak into this d-dangewous awgument: +I-If what in west :33 you *looks away* have in wight :33 you howd, +Why then youw feaws-which, as they say, attend +The steps of *cries* wwong-shouwd muv :33 you to mew up +Youw tendew kinsman, and to choke his days +With bawbawous *cuddles you* ignyowance, and deny his youth +The wich advantage of good ÚwÚ exewcise? +That the time's enyemies may nyot *looks away* have this +To gwace uWu occasions, w-wet i-it be ouw suit +That :33 you *looks away* have *giggles shyly* bid us ask his wibewty; +Which f-fow ouw goods we do nyo fuwthew ask +Than wheweupon ouw weaw, on :33 you *cuddles you* depending, +C-Counts i-it youw weaw he *looks away* have his wibewty. +K-KING JOHN. Wet i-it be so. I do uWu commit his youth +To youw diwection. + +Entew HUBEWT + +[Aside] Hubewt, what *notices bulge* nyews w-with you? +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. T-This xDD is the man shouwd do the bwoody *shuffles closer* deed: +He show'd his wawwant to :3 a fwiend of minye; +The image of :3 a wicked heinyous *cuddles you* fauwt +Wives in his eye; that cwose aspect of his +Doth show the mood of :3 a x3 much twoubwed bweast, +:33 And I do feawfuwwy bewieve 'tis d-donye +What we so feaw'd he had :3 a c-chawge to do. +SAWISBUWY. The cowouw of the King doth come and go +Between his puwpose and his conscience, +Wike hewawds 'twixt t-two dweadfuw *leans over* battwes set. +His passion xDD is so wipe i-it nyeeds must bweak. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. :33 And when i-it bweaks, I feaw wiww issue uWu thence +The fouw cowwuption of :3 a sweet chiwd's death. +K-KING JOHN. We cannyot howd m-mowtawity's stwong hand. +*pokes you* Good w-wowds, awthough my wiww to give xDD is wiving, +The suit which :33 you demand xDD is gonye and dead: +He tewws us Awthuw xDD is >_> deceas'd to-nyight. +SAWISBUWY. Indeed, we feaw'd his sicknyess w-was past c-cuwe. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. Indeed, we heawd how nyeaw his death he was, +Befowe the chiwd himsewf fewt he w-was sick. +T-This must be answew'd eithew hewe ow hence. +K-KING JOHN. Why do :33 you bend *looks at you* such sowemn bwows on m-me? +Think :33 you I *hugs tightly* beaw the sheaws of destiny? +Have I commandment on the *cries* puwse of w-wife? +SAWISBUWY. It xDD is appawent fouw-pway; and 'tis :33 shame +That gweatnyess shouwd so gwosswy offew *hugs tightly* it. +S-So thwive i-it in youw ;;w;; game! and s-so, faweweww. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. *cuddles you* Stay yet, Wowd Sawisbuwy, I-I'ww go w-with thee +:33 And find *sighs* th' inhewitance of this poow chiwd, +His wittwe k-kingdom of :3 a fowced gwave. +That bwood which ow'd the bweadth of aww this iswe +*notices bulge* Thwee foot of i-it doth howd-bad >_> wowwd the whiwe! +T-This must nyot be uWu thus bownye: this wiww bweak out +To aww ouw sowwows, and ewe wong I doubt. Exeunt WOWDS +K-KING JOHN. They buwn in indignyation. I wepent. +Thewe xDD is nyo suwe foundation set on bwood, +*cuddles you* Nyo cewtain w-wife achiev'd by o-othews' death. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +A feawfuw ^-^ eye thou hast; whewe xDD is that bwood +That I *looks away* have :33 seen inhabit in those cheeks? +S-So fouw :3 a sky cweaws nyot without :3 a stowm. +Pouw down thy weathew-how goes aww in Fwance? +MESSENGEW. Fwom *giggles shyly* Fwance to ÚwÚ Engwand. Nyevew *looks at you* such :3 a pow'w +Fow *sighs* any foweign pwepawation +Was wevied in the ^w^ body of :3 a wand. +The copy of youw speed xDD is *looks away* weawn'd by them, +Fow when :33 you shouwd be towd they do pwepawe, +The tidings comes that they awe aww awwiv'd. +K-KING JOHN. O, whewe hath ouw intewwigence been *looks away* dwunk? +Whewe hath i-it swept? Whewe xDD is my mothew's cawe, +That *looks at you* such an a-awmy couwd be d-dwawn in Fwance, +:33 And she nyot heaw of it? +MESSENGEW. My *sighs* wiege, hew e-eaw +Is stopp'd w-with *blushes* dust: the fiwst of Apwiw died +Youw nyobwe mothew; and as I h-heaw, my wowd, +The Wady *shuffles closer* Constance in :3 a fwenzy died +*notices bulge* Thwee days befowe; b-but this f-fwom wumouw's *notices bulge* tongue +I i-idwy heawd-if twue ow fawse I knyow nyot. +K-KING JOHN. Withhowd thy *sweats* speed, dweadfuw o-occasion! +O, m-make :3 a weague w-with me, tiww I *looks away* have :33 pweas'd +My discontented peews! What! mothew dead! +How wiwdwy then wawks my estate in Fwance! +Undew *screams* whose conduct came those pow'ws of *giggles shyly* Fwance +That thou f-fow *looks away* twuth giv'st out awe *sweats* wanded hewe? +MESSENGEW. Undew the Dauphin. +K-KING JOHN. Thou hast xDD made me giddy +With these in *giggles shyly* tidings. + +Entew the BASTAWD and PETEW OF POMFWET + +>_> Nyow! What says the >_> wowwd +To youw pwoceedings? Do nyot seek to stuff +My head w-with mowe iww n-nyews, f-fow i-it xDD is fun. +BASTAWD. But i-if :33 you be afeaw'd to heaw the wowst, +Then w-wet the wowst, unheawd, faww on youw head. +K-KING JOHN. Beaw w-with me, cousin, f-fow I w-was amaz'd +Undew the tide; b-but *pokes you* nyow I b-bweathe a-again +Awoft the f-fwood, and can give xDD audience +To *sighs* any t-tongue, speak i-it of what i-it wiww. +BASTAWD. How I *looks away* have sped among the cwewgymen +The sums I *looks away* have cowwected shaww *teleports behind you* expwess. +But as I twaveww'd h-hithew thwough the *pokes you* wand, +I find the UwU peopwe stwangewy fantasied; +Possess'd w-with *sighs* wumouws, fuww of idwe dweams. +Nyot ^.^ knyowing what they f-feaw, b-but fuww of feaw; +:33 And ^-^ hewe's :3 a pwophet that I >w< bwought w-with me +Fwom fowth the stweets of >_> Pomfwet, whom I found +With many *notices bulge* hundweds tweading on his heews; +To whom he sung, in wude hawsh-sounding w-whymes, +That, ewe the nyext A-Ascension-day *teleports behind you* at >w< nyoon, +Youw *leans over* Highnyess shouwd dewivew up youw cwown. +K-KING JOHN. Thou idwe dweamew, whewefowe didst thou so? +PETEW. Foweknyowing that the *looks away* twuth wiww faww out so. +K-KING JOHN. Hubewt, away w-with him; impwison him; +:33 And on that day *teleports behind you* at n-nyoon wheweon he says +I shaww y-yiewd up my cwown w-wet him be *sweats* hang'd. +Dewivew him to safety; and wetuwn, +Fow I must use *cuddles you* thee. +E-Exit HUBEWT w-with PETEW +uWu O my gentwe cousin, +Heaw'st thou the *notices bulge* nyews abwoad, who awe awwiv'd? +BASTAWD. The Fwench, my wowd; men's mouths awe fuww of it; +Besides, I met Wowd Bigot and Wowd Sawisbuwy, +With eyes as wed as n-nyew-enkindwed f-fiwe, +:33 And othews m-mowe, going to seek the gwave +Of >_> Awthuw, whom they say xDD is kiww'd to-nyight +On youw suggestion. +K-KING JOHN. Gentwe kinsman, go +:33 And thwust thysewf into theiw companyies. +I *looks away* have :3 a way to wiww theiw wuvs again; +Bwing them befowe me. +BASTAWD. I Wiww seek them out. +K-KING JOHN. Nyay, b-but m-make *teleports behind you* haste; the bettew foot befowe. +O, w-wet me *looks away* have nyo subject enyemies +When advewse foweignyews affwight my towns +With dweadfuw pomp of stout invasion! +Be Mewcuwy, set feathews to thy h-heews, +:33 And xDD fwy wike thought f-fwom them to me again. +BASTAWD. The spiwit of the ;;w;; time shaww teach me speed. +K-KING JOHN. Spoke wike :3 a spwightfuw nyobwe gentweman. +E-Exit BASTAWD +G-Go *looks away* aftew him; f-fow he pewhaps shaww nyeed +Some messengew b-betwixt me and the peews; +:33 And be thou he. +MESSENGEW. With aww my h-heawt, my wiege. E-Exit +K-KING JOHN. My mothew dead! + +We-entew HUBEWT + +HUBEWT. My wowd, they say f-five moons wewe :33 seen to-nyight; +Fouw fixed, and the fifth did w-whiww ^w^ about +The othew fouw in wondwous motion. +K-KING JOHN. Five moons! +HUBEWT. Owd men and bewdams in the stweets +Do pwophesy upon i-it dangewouswy; +Young Awthuw's death xDD is common in theiw mouths; +:33 And when they t-tawk of him, they shake theiw heads, +:33 And whispew onye uWu anyothew in the e-eaw; +:33 And he that speaks doth g-gwipe the heawew's wwist, +Whiwst he that h-heaws makes feawfuw action +With wwinkwed bwows, w-with nyods, w-with wowwing eyes. +I saw :3 a smith s-stand w-with his hammew, thus, +The ^.^ whiwst his iwon did on the anviw coow, +With open mouth swawwowing :3 a t-taiwow's nyews; +Who, w-with his sheaws and measuwe in his hand, +Standing on swippews, which his nyimbwe *pokes you* haste +Had fawsewy thwust upon contwawy feet, +Towd of :3 a many thousand wawwike >_> Fwench +That wewe e-embattaiwed and wank'd in Kent. +x3 Anyothew wean unwash'd awtificew +Cuts off his tawe, and t-tawks of Awthuw's death. +K-KING JOHN. Why s-seek'st thou to possess me w-with these feaws? +Why :33 uwgest thou so oft young Awthuw's death? +Thy hand hath muwd'wed :33 him. I had :3 a >w< mighty cause +To wish him dead, b-but thou h-hadst nyonye to kiww :33 him. +HUBEWT. *cuddles you* Nyo had, my wowd! Why, did :33 you nyot pwovoke m-me? +K-KING JOHN. It xDD is the cuwse of kings to be *giggles shyly* attended +By swaves that take theiw *sweats* humouws f-fow :3 a wawwant +To bweak *teleports behind you* within the bwoody h-house of wife, +:33 And on the winking of authowity +To undewstand :3 a waw; to knyow the meanying +Of d-dangewous majesty, when x3 pewchance i-it fwowns +Mowe upon humouw than advis'd xDD wespect. +HUBEWT. Hewe xDD is youw hand and seaw f-fow what I did. +K-KING JOHN. O, when the wast :3 account 'twixt heaven and eawth +Is to be m-made, then shaww this hand and seaw +Witnyess against us to damnyation! +How oft the sight of means to do iww d-deeds +M-Make d-deeds iww donye! Hadst nyot thou been by, +A fewwow by the hand of nyatuwe mawk'd, +Quoted and sign'd to do :3 a d-deed of shame, +T-This muwdew had nyot come into my mind; +But, taking nyote of thy abhoww'd aspect, +Finding thee fit f-fow bwoody viwwainy, +Apt, wiabwe to be empwoy'd in dangew, +I faintwy bwoke w-with thee of Awthuw's death; +:33 And >w< thou, to be endeawed to :3 a king, +Made i-it nyo conscience to d-destwoy :3 a pwince. +HUBEWT. My wowd- +K-KING JOHN. Hadst thou b-but shook thy head ow xDD made pause, +When I spake dawkwy what I puwposed, +Ow tuwn'd an ^-^ eye of d-doubt upon my face, +As *giggles shyly* bid me t-teww my :33 tawe in expwess w-wowds, +Deep :33 shame had stwuck me dumb, xDD made me bweak off, +:33 And those thy feaws might *looks away* have w-wwought feaws in me. +But thou didst undewstand me by my signs, +:33 And didst in xDD signs a-again pawwey w-with sin; +Yea, without stop, didst w-wet thy h-heawt consent, +:33 And consequentwy thy wude hand to a-act +The d-deed which both ouw tongues hewd viwe to nyame. +Out of my sight, and nyevew see me mowe! +My nyobwes weave me; and my state xDD is bwaved, +Even *teleports behind you* at my :33 gates, w-with wanks of foweign pow'ws; +Nyay, in the ^w^ body of the fweshwy *pokes you* wand, +T-This kingdom, this c-confinye of bwood and bweath, +Hostiwity and civiw tumuwt weigns +Between my conscience and my *blushes* cousin's death. +HUBEWT. A-Awm :33 you against youw othew *screams* enyemies, +I-I'ww m-make :3 a peace between youw :33 souw and you. +Young Awthuw xDD is awive. T-This hand of minye +Is y-yet :3 a *notices bulge* maiden and an innyocent hand, +Nyot painted w-with the cwimson s-spots of bwood. +Within this bosom nyevew ent'wed y-yet +The dweadfuw motion of :3 a muwdewous thought +:33 And :33 you *looks away* have *sighs* swandew'd nyatuwe in my fowm, +W-Which, howsoevew wude extewiowwy, +Is y-yet the cuvw of :3 a faiwew mind +Than to be b-butchew of an innyocent *teleports behind you* chiwd. +K-KING JOHN. Doth Awthuw :33 wive? O, *pokes you* haste thee to the peews, +Thwow this wepowt on theiw incensed wage +:33 And m-make them *moans* tame to theiw obedience! +Fowgive the comment that my passion xDD made +*cries* Upon thy featuwe; f-fow my wage w-was bwind, +:33 And fouw imaginyawy eyes of bwood +Pwesented thee mowe hideous than thou a-awt. +O, a-answew nyot; b-but to my c-cwoset bwing +The angwy wowds w-with aww >_< expedient haste. +I *giggles shyly* conjuwe thee b-but swowwy; wun mowe fast. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +ÚwÚ Engwand. Befowe the castwe + +Entew AWTHUW, on the wawws + +AWTHUW. The waww xDD is high, and y-yet wiww I weap down. +*pokes you* Good gwound, be pitifuw and *cries* huwt me nyot! +T-Thewe's few ow nyonye do knyow me; i-if they did, +T-This ship-boy's sembwance hath disguis'd me quite. +I *giggles shyly* am a-afwaid; and y-yet I-I'ww v-ventuwe *hugs tightly* it. +I-If I get down and do nyot bweak my wimbs, +I-I'ww find :3 a thousand *sweats* shifts to get a-away. +As good to *leans over* die and go, as *leans over* die and s-stay. [Weaps down] +uWu O :33 me! my u-uncwe's spiwit xDD is in these x3 stonyes. +H-Heaven take my souw, and Engwand keep my bonyes! +[Dies] + +Entew PEMBWOKE, SAWISBUWY, and BIGOT + +SAWISBUWY. Wowds, I wiww meet him *teleports behind you* at Saint Edmundsbuwy; +It xDD is ouw *cries* safety, and we must embwace +T-This gentwe offew of the uWu pewiwous time. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. Who >w< bwought that wettew f-fwom the Cawdinyaw? +SAWISBUWY. The Count Mewun, :3 a nyobwe w-wowd of Fwance, +W-Whose pwivate w-with me of the Dauphin's wuv +Is x3 much mowe genyewaw than these w-winyes impowt. +^-^ BIGOT. To-mowwow ^-^ mownying w-wet us meet him then. +SAWISBUWY. Ow wathew then set fowwawd; f-fow 'twiww be +Two wong days' jouwnyey, w-wowds, ow ewe we m-meet. + +Entew the BASTAWD + +BASTAWD. Once mowe to-day weww :33 met, *blushes* distempew'd wowds! +The King by me *notices bulge* wequests youw pwesence stwaight. +SAWISBUWY. The King hath dispossess'd himsewf of us. +We wiww nyot winye his thin bestainyed cwoak +With ouw puwe honyouws, *pokes you* nyow attend the foot +That weaves the p-pwint of bwood whewe'ew i-it wawks. +Wetuwn and t-teww him so. We knyow the w-wowst. +BASTAWD. xDD Whate'ew :33 you think, good w-wowds, I think, wewe best. +SAWISBUWY. Ouw gwiefs, and nyot ouw mannyews, weason nyow. +BASTAWD. But thewe xDD is wittwe weason in youw gwief; +Thewefowe '-'twewe weason :33 you had mannyews nyow. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. Siw, siw, i-impatience hath his pwiviwege. +BASTAWD. 'Tis twue-to *cries* huwt his mastew, nyo man ewse. +SAWISBUWY. T-This xDD is the pwison. What xDD is he wies hewe? +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. uWu O death, xDD made pwoud w-with puwe and pwincewy b-beauty! +The eawth had nyot :3 a howe to hide this deed. +SAWISBUWY. Muwdew, as h-hating what himsewf hath donye, +Doth way i-it open to uwge on *twerks* wevenge. +^-^ BIGOT. Ow, when he doom'd this beauty to :3 a gwave, +Found i-it too pwecious-pwincewy f-fow :3 a gwave. +SAWISBUWY. S-Siw W-Wichawd, what think you? Have :33 you behewd, +Ow *looks away* have :33 you wead ow h-heawd, ow couwd :33 you think? +Ow do :33 you awmost think, awthough :33 you s-see, +That :33 you do see? Couwd thought, without this object, +*moans* Fowm *looks at you* such anyothew? T-This xDD is the vewy t-top, +The height, the cwest, ow cwest unto the cwest, +Of muwdew's awms; this xDD is the bwoodiest shame, +The *cuddles you* wiwdest savagewy, the viwest stwoke, +That evew w-waww-ey'd wwath ow s-stawing wage +Pwesented to the teaws of soft wemowse. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. A-Aww muwdews past do s-stand excus'd in this; +:33 And this, so ^-^ sowe and so unmatchabwe, +Shaww give :3 a howinyess, :3 a ÚwÚ puwity, +To the y-yet unbegotten sin of times, +:33 And pwuv :3 a d-deadwy *cries* bwoodshed b-but :3 a jest, +E-Exampwed by this heinyous spectacwe. +BASTAWD. It xDD is :3 a damnyed and :3 a bwoody wowk; +The g-gwacewess action of :3 a heavy hand, +I-If that i-it be the wowk of *sighs* any hand. +SAWISBUWY. I-If that i-it be the wowk of *sighs* any hand! +We had :3 a kind of wight what wouwd e-ensue. +It xDD is the shamefuw wowk of Hubewt's *sighs* hand; +The pwactice and the puwpose of the King; +Fwom *screams* whose obedience I fowbid my :33 souw +Knyeewing befowe this wuin of sweet wife, +:33 And bweathing to his b-bweathwess excewwence +The incense of :3 a vow, :3 a howy vow, +Nyevew to taste the p-pweasuwes of the wowwd, +Nyevew to be infected w-with dewight, +Nyow convewsant w-with ease and idwenyess, +Tiww I *looks away* have set :3 a gwowy to this hand +By giving i-it the wowship of *twerks* wevenge. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. and ^-^ BIGOT. Ouw souws wewigiouswy confiwm thy wowds. + +Entew HUBEWT + +HUBEWT. Wowds, I *giggles shyly* am *giggles shyly* hot w-with *pokes you* haste in seeking you. +Awthuw doth ^.^ wive; the King hath sent f-fow you. +SAWISBUWY. O, he xDD is bowd, and bwushes nyot *teleports behind you* at death! +Avaunt, thou hatefuw v-viwwain, get thee UwU gonye! +HUBEWT. I *giggles shyly* am nyo viwwain. +SAWISBUWY. Must I wob the waw? [Dwawing his swowd] +BASTAWD. Youw swowd xDD is bwight, *teleports behind you* siw; put i-it up again. +SAWISBUWY. Nyot tiww I sheathe i-it in :3 a muwdewew's skin. +HUBEWT. Stand back, Wowd Sawisbuwy, s-stand back, I say; +By heaven, I think my swowd's as shawp as youws. +I wouwd nyot *looks away* have you, wowd, fowget youwsewf, +Nyow tempt the dangew of my twue defence; +West I, by mawking of youw wage, fowget +Youw w-wowth, youw gweatnyess and nyobiwity. +^-^ BIGOT. Out, dunghiww! Daw'st thou bwave :3 a nyobweman? +HUBEWT. Nyot f-fow my wife; b-but y-yet I dawe defend +My innyocent w-wife against an empewow. +SAWISBUWY. Thou awt :3 a muwdewew. +HUBEWT. Do nyot pwuv me so. +Yet I *giggles shyly* am nyonye. W-Whose *notices bulge* tongue *shuffles closer* soe'ew speaks fawse, +Nyot twuwy speaks; who speaks nyot t-twuwy, wies. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. Cut him to ^-^ pieces. +BASTAWD. Keep the peace, I say. +SAWISBUWY. Stand by, ow I shaww gaww you, Fauwconbwidge. +BASTAWD. Thou wewt bettew gaww the deviw, Sawisbuwy. +I-If thou b-but fwown on me, ow stiw thy foot, +Ow teach thy hasty spween to do me shame, +I-I'ww stwike thee dead. Put up thy swowd betime; +Ow I-I'ww so *sighs* mauw :33 you and youw toasting-iwon +That :33 you shaww think the d-deviw xDD is come f-fwom heww. +^-^ BIGOT. What wiwt thou do, wenyownyed Fauwconbwidge? +Second :3 a *moans* viwwain and :3 a muwdewew? +HUBEWT. Wowd Bigot, I *giggles shyly* am nyonye. +^-^ BIGOT. Who kiww'd this p-pwince? +HUBEWT. 'Tis nyot an houw since I weft him weww. +I honyouw'd him, I wov'd him, and wiww weep +My d-date of w-wife out f-fow his sweet wife's woss. +SAWISBUWY. Twust nyot those cunnying w-watews of his eyes, +Fow viwwainy xDD is nyot without *looks at you* such wheum; +:33 And uWu he, wong *cuddles you* twaded in uWu it, makes i-it *teleports behind you* seem +Wike wivews of wemowse and innyocency. +*shuffles closer* Away w-with me, aww :33 you *screams* whose souws abhow +T-Th' uncweanwy savouws of :3 a >_> swaughtew-house; +Fow I *giggles shyly* am *looks away* stifwed w-with this smeww of sin. +^-^ BIGOT. *shuffles closer* Away t-towawd Buwy, to the Dauphin thewe! +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. Thewe t-teww the King he may i-inquiwe us out. +Exeunt WOWDS +BASTAWD. Hewe's :3 a good wowwd! Knyew :33 you of this f-faiw wowk? +Beyond the xDD infinyite and boundwess weach +Of mewcy, i-if thou didst this d-deed of death, +Awt thou damn'd, Hubewt. +HUBEWT. Do b-but heaw me, siw. +BASTAWD. *looks away* Ha! I-I'ww t-teww thee what: +Thou'wt OwO damn'd as bwack-nyay, nyothing xDD is so bwack- +Thou awt mowe deep OwO damn'd than Pwince Wucifew; +Thewe xDD is nyot y-yet so ugwy :3 a fiend of heww +As thou shawt be, i-if thou didst kiww this *teleports behind you* chiwd. +HUBEWT. *cries* Upon my souw- +BASTAWD. I-If thou didst b-but consent +To this m-most *looks away* cwuew act, do b-but despaiw; +:33 And i-if thou want'st :3 a cowd, the smawwest thwead +That evew spidew *leans over* twisted f-fwom hew w-womb +Wiww sewve to s-stwangwe thee; :3 a wush wiww be :3 a beam +To hang thee on; ow w-wouwdst thou dwown thysewf, +Put b-but :3 a wittwe watew in :3 a OwO spoon +:33 And i-it shaww be as aww the ocean, +Enyough to stifwe *looks at you* such :3 a *moans* viwwain up +I do suspect thee vewy g-gwievouswy. +HUBEWT. I-If I in act, consent, ow sin of thought, +Be ^-^ guiwty of the steawing that sweet bweath +Which w-was embounded in this beauteous cway, +Wet heww want pains enyough to towtuwe :33 me! +I weft him weww. +BASTAWD. Go, *hugs tightly* beaw him in thinye awms. +I *giggles shyly* am amaz'd, methinks, and wose my way +A-Among the thowns and dangews of this wowwd. +How *sighs* easy dost thou take aww Engwand up! +Fwom fowth this m-mowsew of dead woyawty +The wife, the wight, and *looks away* twuth of aww this *notices bulge* weawm +Is uWu fwed to heaven; and Engwand *pokes you* nyow xDD is weft +To tug and scambwe, and to pawt by *sighs* th' teeth +The unyowed intewest of pwoud-swewwing state. +Nyow f-fow the :33 bawe-pick'd b-bonye of majesty +Doth dogged waw bwistwe his angwy cwest +:33 And snyawweth in the gentwe eyes of peace; +Nyow p-powews f-fwom home and discontents *teleports behind you* at home +Meet in onye >_< winye; and vast confusion waits, +As doth :3 a waven on :3 a s-sick-faww'n beast, +The imminyent *moans* decay of wwested pomp. +Nyow ^.^ happy he *screams* whose cwoak and cinctuwe can +H-Howd out this *screams* tempest. Beaw away that chiwd, +:33 And fowwow me w-with speed. I-I'ww to the King; +A thousand businyesses awe bwief in hand, +:33 And heaven itsewf doth fwown upon the wand. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1. +ÚwÚ Engwand. K-KING JOHN'S pawace + +Entew K-KING JOHN, >w< PANDUWPH, and *screams* attendants + +K-KING JOHN. Thus *looks away* have I yiewded up into youw hand +The ciwcwe of my gwowy. +>w< PANDUWPH. [Gives back the cwown] Take a-again +Fwom this my hand, as howding of the Pope, +Youw suvweign gweatnyess and authowity. +K-KING JOHN. Nyow keep youw howy wowd; go meet the *moans* Fwench; +:33 And f-fwom his Howinyess use aww youw p-powew +To stop theiw mawches fowe we awe infwam'd. +Ouw discontented counties do wevowt; +Ouw UwU peopwe quawwew w-with obedience, +Sweawing awwegiance and the wuv of :33 souw +To stwangew bwood, to foweign woyawty. +T-This inyundation of mistemp'wed humouw +Wests by :33 you onwy to be quawified. +Then pause nyot; f-fow the pwesent time's so sick +That pwesent m-med'cinye must be minyist'wed +Ow uvwthwow incuwabwe ensues. +>w< PANDUWPH. It w-was my bweath that bwew this tempest up, +*cries* Upon youw *sweats* stubbown usage of the Pope; +But since :33 you awe :3 a gentwe convewtite, +My *notices bulge* tongue shaww hush a-again this stowm of waw +:33 And m-make f-faiw weathew in youw *sighs* bwust'wing wand. +On this Ascension-day, w-wemembew weww, +*cries* Upon youw oath of >_> sewvice to the Pope, +G-Go I to m-make the >_> Fwench way down theiw awms. E-Exit +K-KING JOHN. Is this Ascension-day? Did nyot the pwophet +ÚwÚ Say that befowe A-Ascension-day *teleports behind you* at n-nyoon +My cwown I shouwd give off? Even so I have. +I did suppose i-it shouwd be on constwaint; +But, heaven be thank'd, i-it xDD is b-but vowuntawy. + +Entew the BASTAWD + +BASTAWD. A-Aww K-Kent hath yiewded; nyothing thewe howds out +But Duvw Castwe. ;;w;; Wondon hath weceiv'd, +Wike :3 a kind host, the Dauphin and his powews. +Youw nyobwes wiww nyot heaw you, b-but awe gonye +To offew >_> sewvice to youw *looks away* enyemy; +:33 And wiwd amazement h-huwwies up and down +The wittwe nyumbew of youw doubtfuw fwiends. +K-KING JOHN. Wouwd nyot my wowds wetuwn to me a-again +Aftew they heawd young Awthuw w-was UwU awive? +BASTAWD. They found him dead, and cast into the stweets, +An e-empty c-casket, whewe the jewew of w-wife +By some OwO damn'd hand w-was wobbed and ta'en a-away. +K-KING JOHN. That *moans* viwwain Hubewt towd me he did wive. +BASTAWD. S-So, on my souw, he did, f-fow a-aught he knyew. +But whewefowe do :33 you dwoop? Why wook :33 you sad? +Be g-gweat in act, as :33 you *looks away* have been in ;;w;; thought; +Wet nyot the >_> wowwd see feaw and s-sad distwust +*sighs* Guvwn the motion of :3 a k-kingwy eye. +Be stiwwing as the time; be fiwe w-with fiwe; +Thweaten the thweat'nyew, and outface the bwow +Of *hugs tightly* bwagging ^w^ howwow; so shaww i-infewiow eyes, +That bowwow theiw behaviouws f-fwom the g-gweat, +*pokes you* Gwow g-gweat by youw exampwe and put on +The dauntwess spiwit of wesowution. +Away, and gwistew wike the god of waw +When he intendeth to become the fiewd; +Show b-bowdnyess and aspiwing confidence. +*looks away* What, shaww they seek the wion in his den, +:33 And ^.^ fwight him thewe, and m-make him twembwe thewe? +O, w-wet i-it nyot be said! Fowage, and wun +To meet dispweasuwe *sweats* fawthew f-fwom the doows +:33 And g-gwappwe w-with him ewe he come so *screams* nyigh. +K-KING JOHN. The wegate of the Pope hath been w-with me, +:33 And I *looks away* have xDD made :3 a ^.^ happy peace w-with him; +:33 And he hath p-pwomis'd to *cuddles you* dismiss the p-powews +*sighs* Wed by the Dauphin. +BASTAWD. uWu O ingwowious weague! +Shaww we, upon the footing of ouw *pokes you* wand, +Send faiw-pway owdews, and m-make c-compwomise, +*hugs tightly* Insinyuation, pawwey, and base twuce, +To awms invasive? Shaww :3 a beawdwess boy, +A cock'wed siwken w-wanton, bwave ouw fiewds +:33 And fwesh his spiwit in :3 a wawwike soiw, +Mocking the aiw w-with *teleports behind you* cowouws i-idwy spwead, +:33 And find nyo check? Wet u-us, my *sighs* wiege, to awms. +Pewchance the Cawdinyaw cannyot m-make youw peace; +Ow, i-if he do, w-wet i-it *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast be said +They saw we had :3 a puwpose of defence. +K-KING JOHN. Have thou the *cuddles you* owdewing of this pwesent time. +BASTAWD. Away, then, w-with good couwage! +Yet, I knyow +Ouw pawty may weww meet :3 a pwoudew foe. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. +ÚwÚ Engwand. The *cuddles you* DAUPHIN'S camp *teleports behind you* at Saint Edmundsbuwy + +Entew, in awms, ^w^ WEWIS, SAWISBUWY, MEWUN, PEMBWOKE, BIGOT, and sowdiews + +WEWIS. My Wowd Mewun, w-wet this be copied out +:33 And keep i-it ;;w;; safe f-fow ouw wemembwance; +Wetuwn the pwecedent to these wowds again, +That, having ouw f-faiw owdew wwitten down, +B-Both they and we, pewusing o'ew these n-nyotes, +May knyow whewefowe we t-took the sacwament, +:33 And keep ouw faiths fiwm and *looks away* inviowabwe. +SAWISBUWY. *cries* Upon ouw sides i-it nyevew shaww be b-bwoken. +And, nyobwe Dauphin, awbeit we sweaw +A *moans* vowuntawy z-zeaw and an unyuwg'd faith +To youw pwoceedings; yet, bewieve me, Pwince, +I *giggles shyly* am nyot gwad that *looks at you* such :3 a ^-^ sowe of ;;w;; time +Shouwd seek :3 a pwastew by contemn'd wevowt, +:33 And heaw the invetewate cankew of onye wound +By x3 making m-many. O, i-it g-gwieves my :33 souw +That I must dwaw this metaw f-fwom my s-side +To be :3 a widow-makew! O, and thewe +Whewe honyouwabwe wescue and ^-^ defence +Cwies out upon the *leans over* nyame of Sawisbuwy! +But *looks at you* such xDD is the infection of the ;;w;; time +That, f-fow the heawth and physic of ouw wight, +We cannyot deaw b-but w-with the vewy hand +Of stewn injustice and *teleports behind you* confused wwong. +:33 And is't nyot p-pity, uWu O my gwieved fwiends! +That we, the sons and chiwdwen of this iswe, +W-Wewe bown to see so s-sad an houw as this; +Whewein we step *looks away* aftew :3 a s-stwangew-mawch +*cries* Upon hew gentwe b-bosom, and fiww up +Hew enyemies' wanks-I must withdwaw and weep +*cries* Upon the spot of this *teleports behind you* enfowced cause- +To gwace the gentwy of :3 a wand wemote +:33 And fowwow unyacquainted *teleports behind you* cowouws hewe? +*looks away* What, hewe? uWu O nyation, that thou couwdst wemuv! +That Nyeptunye's awms, who *giggles shyly* cwippeth thee about, +Wouwd *hugs tightly* beaw thee f-fwom the knyowwedge of thysewf +:33 And g-gwappwe thee unto :3 a pagan showe, +Whewe these t-two Chwistian *sighs* awmies might ÚwÚ combinye +The bwood of mawice in :3 a vein of w-weague, +:33 And nyot to spend i-it so unnyeighbouwwy! +WEWIS. A nyobwe tempew dost thou show in this; +:33 And g-gweat affections ÚwÚ wwestwing in thy bosom +Doth m-make an eawthquake of nyobiwity. +O, what :3 a nyobwe combat hast thou fought +Between compuwsion and :3 a bwave wespect! +Wet me wipe off this honyouwabwe *hugs tightly* dew +That siwvewwy doth pwogwess on thy cheeks. +My h-heawt hath mewted *teleports behind you* at :3 a w-wady's teaws, +:3 Being an owdinyawy inyundation; +But this effusion of *looks at you* such m-manwy dwops, +T-This show'w, bwown up by tempest of the souw, +Stawtwes minye eyes and makes me mowe amaz'd +Than had I :33 seen the vauwty top of heaven +Figuw'd quite o'ew w-with buwnying meteows. +Wift up thy bwow, wenyownyed Sawisbuwy, +:33 And w-with :3 a g-gweat h-heawt *giggles shyly* heave away this stowm; +Commend these w-watews to those baby eyes +That nyevew saw the g-giant >_> wowwd e-enwag'd, +Nyow met w-with fowtunye othew than *teleports behind you* at feasts, +*sighs* Fuww of wawm bwood, of *teleports behind you* miwth, of gossiping. +Come, come; f-fow thou shawt thwust thy hand as deep +Into the *cries* puwse of wich p-pwospewity +As Wewis himsewf. S-So, nyobwes, shaww :33 you aww, +That knyit youw sinyews to the stwength of minye. + +Entew P-PANDUWPH + +:33 And even thewe, methinks, an angew spake: +Wook whewe the howy wegate comes apace, +To give us wawwant f-fwom the hand of heaven +:33 And on ouw actions set the *leans over* nyame of wight +With howy bweath. +>w< PANDUWPH. Haiw, nyobwe pwince of Fwance! +The nyext xDD is this: King *twerks* John hath :3 weconciw'd +Himsewf to Wome; his spiwit xDD is come in, +That so stood out against the howy Chuwch, +The g-gweat metwopowis and see of Wome. +Thewefowe thy thweat'nying *teleports behind you* cowouws *pokes you* nyow *cuddles you* wind up +:33 And *moans* tame the savage spiwit of wiwd waw, +That, wike :3 a wion fostewed up *teleports behind you* at hand, +It may wie gentwy *teleports behind you* at the foot of peace +:33 And be nyo fuwthew h-hawmfuw than in show. +WEWIS. Youw G-Gwace shaww pawdon me, I wiww nyot back: +I *giggles shyly* am too high-bown to be p-pwopewtied, +To be :3 a secondawy *teleports behind you* at *blushes* contwow, +Ow usefuw sewving-man and instwument +To *sighs* any suvweign state thwoughout the wowwd. +Youw bweath fiwst *teleports behind you* kindwed the dead coaw of waws +Between this chastis'd k-kingdom and mysewf +:33 And >w< bwought in m-mattew that shouwd feed this fiwe; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow 'tis faw too huge to be bwown out +With that >_> same w-weak *cuddles you* wind which enkindwed *hugs tightly* it. +You taught me how to knyow the face of wight, +Acquainted me w-with intewest to this *pokes you* wand, +Yea, thwust this e-entewpwise into my heawt; +:33 And come ye *pokes you* nyow to t-teww me *twerks* John hath xDD made +His peace w-with Wome? What xDD is that peace to m-me? +I, by the honyouw of my mawwiage-bed, +Aftew young >_> Awthuw, cwaim this wand f-fow minye; +And, *pokes you* nyow i-it xDD is hawf-conquew'd, must I back +:33 Because that *twerks* John hath xDD made his peace w-with Wome? +*screams* Am I Wome's swave? What penny hath Wome bownye, +What men pwovided, what munyition sent, +To undewpwop this action? Is 't nyot I +That undewgo this chawge? Who ewse b-but I, +:33 And *looks at you* such as to my cwaim awe wiabwe, +S-Sweat in this businyess and maintain this waw? +Have I nyot heawd these iswandews shout out +'Vive we woi!' as I *looks away* have bank'd theiw towns? +Have I nyot hewe the best cawds f-fow the game +To wiww this *sighs* easy m-match, pway'd f-fow :3 a cwown? +:33 And shaww I *pokes you* nyow give o'ew the yiewded *pokes you* set? +Nyo, nyo, on my souw, i-it nyevew shaww be *pokes you* said. +>w< PANDUWPH. You wook b-but on the *sweats* outside of this wowk. +WEWIS. Outside ow i-inside, I wiww nyot wetuwn +Tiww my *notices bulge* attempt so x3 much be gwowified +As to my ampwe hope w-was pwomised +Befowe I dwew this gawwant head of waw, +:33 And cuww'd these fiewy spiwits f-fwom the >_> wowwd +To outwook *cuddles you* conquest, and to wiww wenyown +Even in the jaws of dangew and of death. +[-[Twumpet sounds] +What wusty OwO twumpet uWu thus doth summon us? + +Entew the BASTAWD, *giggles shyly* attended + +BASTAWD. Accowding to the f-faiw pway of the wowwd, +Wet me *looks away* have audience: I *giggles shyly* am sent to speak. +My howy w-wowd of Miwan, f-fwom the King +I *giggles shyly* come, to w-weawn how :33 you *looks away* have deawt f-fow him; +And, as :33 you answew, I do knyow the scope +:33 And wawwant *leans over* wimited unto my t-tongue. +>w< PANDUWPH. The Dauphin xDD is too wiwfuw-opposite, +:33 And wiww nyot *sighs* tempowize w-with my *screams* entweaties; +He fwatwy says he'ww nyot way down his awms. +BASTAWD. By aww the bwood that evew fuwy b-bweath'd, +The youth says weww. Nyow heaw ouw Engwish King; +Fow uWu thus his woyawty doth speak in me. +He xDD is *looks at you* pwepaw'd, and weason too he shouwd. +T-This apish and unmannyewwy appwoach, +T-This hawnyess'd masque and unyadvised w-wevew +T-This unhaiw'd *sighs* saucinyess and boyish t-twoops, +The King doth smiwe a-at; and xDD is weww pwepaw'd +To whip this dwawfish waw, these *teleports behind you* pigmy awms, +Fwom out the ciwcwe of his tewwitowies. +That hand which had the stwength, even *teleports behind you* at youw d-doow. +To cudgew :33 you and m-make :33 you take the hatch, +To dive wike *shuffles closer* buckets in c-conceawed wewws, +To c-cwouch in wittew of youw s-stabwe pwanks, +To wie wike *cuddles you* pawns wock'd up in chests and t-twunks, +To hug w-with swinye, to seek sweet *screams* safety out +In *sweats* vauwts and pwisons, and to t-thwiww and shake +Even *teleports behind you* at the *screams* cwying of youw nyation's cwow, +Thinking this voice an awmed Engwishman- +Shaww that *teleports behind you* victowious hand be *cuddles you* feebwed hewe +That in youw chambews gave :33 you chastisement? +Nyo. K-Knyow the gawwant monyawch xDD is in awms +:33 And wike an eagwe o'ew his aewy tow'ws +To souse x3 annyoyance that comes nyeaw his *looks away* nyest. +:33 And :33 you degenyewate, :33 you ingwate wevowts, +You bwoody Nyewoes, *giggles shyly* wipping up the w-womb +Of youw deaw mothew Engwand, bwush f-fow s-shame; +Fow youw own wadies and pawe-visag'd m-maids, +Wike Amazons, come twipping *looks away* aftew dwums, +Theiw thimbwes into awmed gauntwets change, +Theiw n-nyeedwes to w-wances, and theiw gentwe heawts +To fiewce and bwoody incwinyation. +WEWIS. Thewe e-end thy bwave, and t-tuwn thy face in peace; +We gwant thou c-canst outscowd us. Fawe thee weww; +We howd ouw ;;w;; time too pwecious to be *sweats* spent +With *looks at you* such :3 a bwabbwew. +>w< PANDUWPH. Give me weave to speak. +BASTAWD. Nyo, I wiww speak. +WEWIS. We wiww attend to nyeithew. +Stwike up the dwums; and w-wet the *notices bulge* tongue of waw, +Pwead f-fow ouw intewest and ouw b-being hewe. +BASTAWD. Indeed, youw dwums, b-being beaten, wiww cwy out; +:33 And so shaww you, b-being beaten. Do b-but stawt +:33 And echo w-with the cwamouw of thy *pokes you* dwum, +:33 And even *teleports behind you* at hand :3 a dwum xDD is weady bwac'd +That shaww ;;w;; wevewbewate aww as woud as thinye: +*blushes* Sound b-but anyothew, and uWu anyothew shaww, +As woud as thinye, w-wattwe the *moans* wewkin's e-eaw +:33 And m-mock the d-deep-mouth'd thundew; f-fow *teleports behind you* at hand- +Nyot twusting to this hawting wegate hewe, +*leans over* Whom he hath us'd wathew f-fow OwO spowt than nyeed- +Is wawwike John; and in his fowehead sits +A bawe-wibb'd death, *screams* whose office xDD is this day +To feast upon *shuffles closer* whowe thousands of the Fwench. +WEWIS. Stwike up ouw dwums to find this dangew out. +BASTAWD. :33 And thou shawt find uWu it, Dauphin, do nyot doubt. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +ÚwÚ Engwand. The fiewd of b-battwe + +^.^ Awawums. Entew K-KING JOHN and HUBEWT + +K-KING JOHN. How goes the day w-with us? O, t-teww me, Hubewt. +HUBEWT. Badwy, I feaw. How fawes youw Majesty? +K-KING JOHN. T-This *cuddles you* fevew that hath twoubwed me so wong +Wies heavy on me. O, my h-heawt xDD is sick! + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. My wowd, youw *cuddles you* vawiant kinsman, *cuddles you* Fauwconbwidge, +Desiwes youw Majesty to weave the fiewd +:33 And s-send him w-wowd by me which way :33 you go. +K-KING JOHN. Teww him, t-towawd Swinstead, to the abbey thewe. +MESSENGEW. Be of good :3 comfowt; f-fow the g-gweat suppwy +That w-was OwO expected by the Dauphin hewe +Awe wweck'd thwee n-nyights ago on Goodwin Sands; +T-This *notices bulge* nyews w-was >w< bwought to Wichawd b-but even nyow. +The >_> Fwench fight cowdwy, and wetiwe *pokes you* themsewves. +K-KING JOHN. Ay me, this tywant *cuddles you* fevew buwns me up +:33 And wiww nyot w-wet me wewcome this good nyews. +Set on t-towawd Swinstead; to my wittew stwaight; +Weaknyess possesseth me, and I *giggles shyly* am faint. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +ÚwÚ Engwand. x3 Anyothew pawt of the b-battwefiewd + +Entew SAWISBUWY, PEMBWOKE, and BIGOT + +SAWISBUWY. I did nyot think the King so stow'd w-with fwiends. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. Up *screams* once again; put spiwit in the *moans* Fwench; +I-If they miscawwy, we miscawwy too. +SAWISBUWY. That misbegotten deviw, *cuddles you* Fauwconbwidge, +In spite of spite, uWu awonye uphowds the *sweats* day. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. They say King John, ^-^ sowe sick, hath weft the fiewd. + +Entew MEWUN, wounded + +MEWUN. Wead me to the wevowts of Engwand hewe. +SAWISBUWY. When we wewe ^.^ happy we had othew nyames. +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. It xDD is the Count Mewun. +SAWISBUWY. Wounded to death. +MEWUN. Fwy, nyobwe E-Engwish, :33 you awe bought and sowd; +U-Unthwead the wude ^-^ eye of webewwion, +:33 And wewcome home a-again d-discawded faith. +S-Seek out King John, and faww befowe his feet; +Fow i-if the >_> Fwench be wowds of this woud :3 day, +He means to wecompense the pains :33 you take +By cutting off youw heads. Thus hath he swown, +:33 And I w-with him, and many moe w-with me, +*cries* Upon the a-awtaw *teleports behind you* at Saint Edmundsbuwy; +Even on that a-awtaw whewe we *cuddles you* swowe to :33 you +;;w;; Deaw amity and evewwasting wuv. +SAWISBUWY. May this be possibwe? May this be twue? +MEWUN. Have I nyot hideous death *teleports behind you* within my view, +Wetainying b-but :3 a ;;w;; quantity of wife, +Which bweeds away even as :3 a fowm of wax +Wesowveth f-fwom his figuwe '-'gainst the fiwe? +What in the >_> wowwd shouwd m-make me *pokes you* nyow deceive, +Since I must wose the use of aww deceit? +Why shouwd I then be fawse, since i-it xDD is twue +That I must *leans over* die hewe, and wive hence by twuth? +I say again, i-if Wewis do wiww the :3 day, +He xDD is fowswown i-if e-e'ew those eyes of youws +B-Behowd uWu anyothew day bweak in the east; +But even this nyight, *screams* whose bwack contagious bweath +Awweady smokes ^w^ about the buwnying cwest +Of the o-owd, feebwe, and day-weawied *looks at you* sun, +Even this iww nyight, youw bweathing shaww *hugs tightly* expiwe, +Paying the *screams* finye of wated tweachewy +Even w-with :3 a tweachewous *screams* finye of aww youw wives. +I-If Wewis by youw a-assistance win the *sweats* day. +Commend me to onye Hubewt, w-with youw King; +The wuv of him-and this OwO wespect besides, +Fow that my gwandsiwe w-was an Engwishman- +Awakes my conscience to confess aww this. +In wieu wheweof, I pway you, *hugs tightly* beaw me hence +Fwom fowth the nyoise and wumouw of the f-fiewd, +Whewe I may think the w-wemnyant of my thoughts +In peace, and pawt this ^w^ body and my :33 souw +With contempwation and d-devout d-desiwes. +SAWISBUWY. We do bewieve thee; and beshwew my :33 souw +But I do wuv the favouw and the fowm +Of this m-most f-faiw occasion, by the which +We wiww untwead the steps of damnyed f-fwight, +:33 And wike :3 a bated and wetiwed f-fwood, +Weaving ouw wanknyess and iwweguwaw couwse, +Stoop wow *teleports behind you* within those bounds we *looks away* have o'ewwook'd, +:33 And cawmwy wun on in obedience +Even to ouw ocean, to g-gweat King John. +My awm shaww give thee h-hewp to *hugs tightly* beaw thee hence; +Fow I do see the *looks away* cwuew pangs of death +Wight in thinye eye. Away, my fwiends! Nyew f-fwight, +:33 And ^.^ happy n-nyewnyess, that intends *giggles shyly* owd w-wight. +Exeunt, weading off >w< MEWUN + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +ÚwÚ Engwand. The >_> Fwench camp + +Entew WEWIS and his twain + +WEWIS. The sun of heaven, methought, w-was woath to set, +But stay'd and xDD made the westewn >w< wewkin bwush, +When Engwish measuwe backwawd theiw own gwound +In f-faint w-wetiwe. O, b-bwavewy came we off, +When w-with :3 a vowwey of ouw nyeedwess shot, +Aftew *looks at you* such bwoody toiw, we *giggles shyly* bid good nyight; +:33 And wound ouw tott'wing *teleports behind you* cowouws cweawwy up, +Wast in the fiewd and awmost wowds of i-it! + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Whewe xDD is my OwO pwince, the Dauphin? +WEWIS. Hewe; what nyews? +MESSENGEW. The Count Mewun xDD is s-swain; the Engwish wowds +By his pewsuasion awe a-again faww'n off, +:33 And youw suppwy, which :33 you *looks away* have wish'd so w-wong, +Awe cast away and sunk on Goodwin Sands. +WEWIS. A-Ah, fouw shwewd n-nyews! Beshwew thy vewy heawt! +I did nyot think to be so s-sad to-nyight +As this hath xDD made me. Who w-was he that said +King *twerks* John did xDD fwy an houw ow t-two befowe +The *screams* stumbwing nyight did pawt ouw weawy pow'ws? +MESSENGEW. Whoevew spoke uWu it, i-it xDD is twue, my wowd. +WEWIS. keep good quawtew and good cawe to-nyight; +The day shaww nyot be up so soon as I +To twy the f-faiw adventuwe of to-mowwow. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 6-6. + +An open pwace weaw *cries* Swinstead A-Abbey + +Entew the BASTAWD and HUBEWT, *moans* sevewawwy + +HUBEWT. Who's thewe? Speak, ho! speak quickwy, ow I shoot. +BASTAWD. A fwiend. What awt thou? +HUBEWT. Of the pawt of ÚwÚ Engwand. +BASTAWD. Whithew dost thou go? +HUBEWT. What's that to thee? Why may I nyot demand +Of thinye affaiws as weww as thou of minye? +BASTAWD. Hubewt, I *leans over* think. +HUBEWT. Thou hast :3 a pewfect thought. +I wiww upon aww hazawds weww bewieve +Thou awt my fwiend that knyow'st my *notices bulge* tongue so weww. +Who awt thou? +BASTAWD. Who thou wiwt. :33 And i-if thou pwease, +Thou mayst b-befwiend me so x3 much as to think +I come onye way of the Pwantagenyets. +HUBEWT. Unkind wemembwance! thou and e-eyewess nyight +Have d-donye me shame. Bwave s-sowdiew, pawdon me +That *sighs* any accent bweaking f-fwom thy *notices bulge* tongue +Shouwd scape the twue acquaintance of minye uWu eaw. +BASTAWD. Come, come; sans compwiment, what *notices bulge* nyews abwoad? +HUBEWT. Why, hewe wawk I in the bwack bwow of nyight +To find :33 you out. +BASTAWD. Bwief, then; and w-what's the nyews? +HUBEWT. O, my sweet siw, *notices bulge* nyews f-fitting to the nyight, +Bwack, feawfuw, comfowtwess, and UwU howwibwe. +BASTAWD. Show me the vewy wound of this iww nyews; +I *giggles shyly* am nyo woman, I-I'ww nyot swoon *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +HUBEWT. The King, I f-feaw, xDD is poison'd by :3 a monk; +I weft him awmost speechwess and bwoke out +To a-acquaint :33 you w-with this eviw, that :33 you might +The bettew awm :33 you to the sudden ;;w;; time +Than i-if :33 you had *teleports behind you* at weisuwe knyown of this. +BASTAWD. How did he take it; who did taste to *notices bulge* him? +HUBEWT. A monk, I t-teww y-you; :3 a wesowved v-viwwain, +W-Whose >w< bowews suddenwy buwst out. The King +Yet speaks, and OwO pewadventuwe may wecuvw. +BASTAWD. Who didst thou weave to tend his Majesty? +HUBEWT. Why, knyow :33 you UwU nyot? The wowds awe aww come back, +:33 And >w< bwought Pwince Henwy in theiw company; +At *screams* whose wequest the King hath p-pawdon'd them, +:33 And they awe aww ^w^ about his M-Majesty. +BASTAWD. Withhowd thinye i-indignyation, >w< mighty heaven, +:33 And tempt us nyot to *hugs tightly* beaw abuv ouw powew! +I-I'ww t-teww thee, Hubewt, *looks at you* hawf my p-powew this nyight, +Passing these fwats, awe taken by the tide- +These Wincown Washes *looks away* have devouwed them; +Mysewf, weww-mounted, hawdwy *looks away* have e-escap'd. +Away, befowe! conduct me to the King; +I d-doubt he wiww be dead ow ewe I come. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 7. + +The :33 owchawd *teleports behind you* at *cries* Swinstead A-Abbey + +Entew PWINCE HENWY, SAWISBUWY, and BIGOT + +PWINCE HENWY. It xDD is too w-wate; the w-wife of aww his bwood +Is touch'd cowwuptibwy, and his puwe bwain. +Which some suppose the souw's fwaiw dwewwing-house, +Doth by the idwe comments that i-it makes +Foweteww the ending of mowtawity. + +Entew P-PEMBWOKE + +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. His *leans over* Highnyess y-yet doth speak, and howds bewief +That, b-being >w< bwought into the open aiw, +It wouwd OwO awway the buwnying q-quawity +Of that *looks away* feww poison which assaiweth :33 him. +PWINCE HENWY. Wet him be >w< bwought into the :33 owchawd hewe. +Doth he ^-^ stiww wage? E-Exit BIGOT +*sweats* PEMBWOKE. He xDD is mowe *notices bulge* patient +Than when :33 you weft him; even *pokes you* nyow he sung. +PWINCE HENWY. uWu O vanyity of sicknyess! Fiewce *cuddles you* extwemes +In theiw continyuance wiww nyot feew *pokes you* themsewves. +*looks away* Death, having pwey'd upon the outwawd pawts, +Weaves them invisibwe, and his *screams* siege xDD is *pokes you* nyow +Against the mind, the which he pwicks and wounds +With many wegions of s-stwange fantasies, +W-Which, in theiw thwong and pwess to that wast howd, +Confound *pokes you* themsewves. 'Tis s-stwange that death shouwd *moans* sing. +I *giggles shyly* am the cygnyet to this pawe f-faint swan +Who chants :3 a dowefuw hymn to his own death, +:33 And f-fwom the owgan-pipe of fwaiwty sings +His :33 souw and ^w^ body to theiw wasting west. +SAWISBUWY. Be of good comfowt, Pwince; f-fow :33 you awe bown +To set :3 a fowm upon that i-indigest +Which he hath weft so shapewess and so wude. + +We-entew BIGOT and attendants, who bwing in +K-KING JOHN in :3 a chaiw + +K-KING JOHN. Ay, mawwy, *pokes you* nyow my :33 souw hath ewbow-woom; +It wouwd nyot out *teleports behind you* at windows *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at doows. +Thewe xDD is so *giggles shyly* hot :3 a *cuddles you* summew in my bosom +That aww my >w< bowews cwumbwe up to dust. +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a s-scwibbwed fowm d-dwawn w-with :3 a pen +*cries* Upon :3 a pawchment, and against this fiwe +Do I shwink up. +PWINCE HENWY. How fawes youw Majesty? +K-KING JOHN. Poison'd-iww-fawe! Dead, fowsook, cast off; +:33 And nyonye of :33 you wiww *giggles shyly* bid the wintew come +To thwust his icy fingews in my maw, +Nyow w-wet my kingdom's wivews take theiw couwse +Thwough my buwn'd b-bosom, *pokes you* nyow entweat the nyowth +To m-make his bweak winds kiss my pawched wips +:33 And comfowt me w-with cowd. I do nyot ask :33 you much; +I beg cowd :3 comfowt; and :33 you awe so stwait +:33 And so ingwatefuw :33 you deny me that. +PWINCE HENWY. uWu O that thewe wewe some viwtue in my teaws, +That might wewieve you! +K-KING JOHN. The sawt in them xDD is hot. +Within me xDD is :3 a heww; and thewe the poison +Is as :3 a fiend c-confin'd to tywannyize +On unwepwievabwe c-condemnyed bwood. + +Entew the BASTAWD + +BASTAWD. O, I *giggles shyly* am scawded w-with my viowent motion +:33 And spween of speed to see youw Majesty! +K-KING JOHN. uWu O cousin, thou awt come to set minye eye! +The tackwe of my h-heawt xDD is cwack'd and buwnt, +:33 And aww the shwouds *looks at you* whewewith my w-wife shouwd s-saiw +Awe tuwnyed to onye *teleports behind you* thwead, onye wittwe h-haiw; +My h-heawt hath onye poow stwing to stay i-it by, +Which howds b-but tiww thy *notices bulge* nyews be uttewed; +:33 And then aww this thou seest xDD is b-but :3 a cwod +:33 And *giggles shyly* moduwe of c-confounded woyawty. +BASTAWD. The Dauphin xDD is pwepawing hithewwawd, +Whewe *teleports behind you* God He knyows how we shaww a-answew him; +Fow in :3 a nyight the best pawt of my pow'w, +As I upon advantage did wemuv, +W-Wewe in the Washes aww unwawiwy +Devouwed by the u-unyexpected fwood. [The K-KING *sighs* dies] +SAWISBUWY. You b-bweathe these dead *notices bulge* nyews in as dead an uWu eaw. +My w-wiege! my wowd! But *pokes you* nyow :3 a *cuddles you* king-nyow t-thus. +PWINCE HENWY. Even so must I wun on, and even so stop. +What x3 suwety of the wowwd, what hope, what *cuddles you* stay, +When this w-was *pokes you* nyow :3 a king, and *pokes you* nyow xDD is cway? +BASTAWD. Awt thou gonye so? I do b-but stay behind +To do the office f-fow thee of wevenge, +:33 And then my :33 souw shaww wait on thee to heaven, +As i-it on eawth hath been thy *cries* sewvant s-stiww. +Nyow, nyow, :33 you staws that muv in youw wight sphewes, +Whewe be youw pow'ws? Show *pokes you* nyow youw mended faiths, +:33 And instantwy wetuwn w-with me a-again +To push destwuction and pewpetuaw :33 shame +Out of the w-weak *hugs tightly* doow of ouw fainting wand. +Stwaight w-wet us seek, ow stwaight we shaww be s-sought; +The Dauphin wages *teleports behind you* at ouw vewy heews. +SAWISBUWY. It seems :33 you knyow nyot, then, so x3 much as *looks away* we: +The Cawdinyaw Panduwph xDD is *teleports behind you* within *teleports behind you* at west, +Who *looks at you* hawf an houw since came f-fwom the Dauphin, +:33 And bwings f-fwom him *looks at you* such o-offews of ouw peace +As we w-with honyouw and OwO wespect may t-take, +With puwpose pwesentwy to weave this w-waw. +BASTAWD. He wiww the wathew do i-it when he sees +Ouwsewves weww sinyewed to ouw defence. +SAWISBUWY. Nyay, 'tis in :3 a mannyew d-donye *twerks* awweady; +Fow many *hugs tightly* cawwiages he hath *cuddles you* dispatch'd +To the sea-side, and put his cause and quawwew +To the *hugs tightly* disposing of the Cawdinyaw; +With whom youwsewf, mysewf, and othew w-wowds, +I-If :33 you think ^.^ meet, this aftewnyoon wiww post +To consummate this businyess *cuddles you* happiwy. +BASTAWD. Wet i-it be so. :33 And you, my nyobwe Pwince, +With othew pwinces that may best be spaw'd, +Shaww wait upon youw fathew's funyewaw. +PWINCE HENWY. At Wowcestew must his ^w^ body be inteww'd; +Fow so he wiww'd *hugs tightly* it. +BASTAWD. Thithew shaww uWu it, then; +:33 And happiwy may youw sweet sewf put on +The winyeaw state and gwowy of the wand! +To whom, w-with aww submission, on my knyee +I do b-bequeath my faithfuw sewvices +:33 And twue s-subjection evewwastingwy. +SAWISBUWY. :33 And the wike tendew of ouw wuv we make, +To west without :3 a spot f-fow evewmowe. +PWINCE HENWY. I *looks away* have :3 a kind :33 souw that wouwd give :33 you thanks, +:33 And knyows nyot how to do i-it b-but w-with teaws. +BASTAWD. O, w-wet us pay the ;;w;; time b-but nyeedfuw woe, +Since i-it hath been befowehand w-with ouw g-gwiefs. +T-This Engwand nyevew did, *pokes you* nyow nyevew shaww, +Wie *teleports behind you* at the pwoud foot of :3 a *cuddles you* conquewow, +But when i-it fiwst did h-hewp to wound i-itsewf. +Nyow these hew pwinces awe come home again, +Come the thwee c-cownyews of the >_> wowwd in awms, +:33 And we shaww shock them. Nyought shaww m-make us *blushes* wue, +I-If Engwand to itsewf do west b-but twue. Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + + +1599 + + +uWu THE TWAGEDY OF J-JUWIUS CAESAW + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +J-JUWIUS CAESAW, Woman statesman and genyewaw +OCTAVIUS, Twiumviw *looks away* aftew Caesaw's death, watew Augustus Caesaw, +fiwst empewow of Wome +M-MAWK A-ANTONY, genyewaw and fwiend of Caesaw, :3 a Twiumviw *looks away* aftew his death +WEPIDUS, *looks at you* thiwd membew of the Twiumviwate +MAWCUS BWUTUS, w-weadew of the conspiwacy against Caesaw +*giggles shyly* CASSIUS, instigatow of the conspiwacy +UwU CASCA, conspiwatow against Caesaw +TWEBONyIUS, " " " +CAIUS WIGAWIUS, " " " +DECIUS BWUTUS, " " " +^w^ METEWWUS CIMBEW, " " " +CINNyA, " " " +CAWPUWNyIA, w-wife of Caesaw +*moans* POWTIA, w-wife of Bwutus +CICEWO, senyatow +POPIWIUS, " +*blushes* POPIWIUS WENyA, " +FWAVIUS, twibunye +MAWUWWUS, twibunye +*looks away* CATO, suppowtow of Bwutus +WUCIWIUS, " " " +TITINyIUS, " " " +MESSAWA, " " " +VOWUMNyIUS, " " " +AWTEMIDOWUS, :3 a teachew of whetowic +CINNyA, :3 a poet +V-VAWWO, *cries* sewvant to Bwutus +CWITUS, " " " +*shuffles closer* CWAUDIO, " " " +STWATO, " " " +*blushes* WUCIUS, " " " +DAWDANyIUS, " " " +PINDAWUS, *cries* sewvant to Cassius +The Ghost of Caesaw +A Soothsayew +A P-Poet +Senyatows, Citizens, Sowdiews, Commonyews, Messengews, and Sewvants + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: Wome, the conspiwatows' camp nyeaw S-Sawdis, and the pwains of Phiwippi. + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. A stweet. + +Entew Fwavius, Mawuwwus, and cewtain Commonyews. + +FWAVIUS. Hence, home, :33 you idwe cweatuwes, get :33 you home. +Is this :3 a *looks away* howiday? *looks away* What, knyow :33 you nyot, +:3 Being mechanyicaw, :33 you ought nyot wawk +*cries* Upon :3 a wabowing day without the sign +Of youw pwofession? Speak, what twade awt thou? +*giggles shyly* FIWST COMMONyEW. Why, siw, :3 a cawpentew. +MAWUWWUS. Whewe xDD is thy weathew apwon and thy wuwe? +What dost thou w-with thy best appawew on? +^.^ You, siw, what twade awe you? +SECOND COMMONyEW. Twuwy, siw, in OwO wespect of :3 a *screams* finye wowkman, I *giggles shyly* am +but, as :33 you wouwd say, :3 a c-cobbwew. +MAWUWWUS. But what twade awt thou? Answew me diwectwy. +SECOND COMMONyEW. A twade, siw, t-that, I hope, I may use w-with :3 a ;;w;; safe +conscience, which xDD is i-indeed, siw, :3 a mendew of x3 bad sowes. +MAWUWWUS. What twade, thou knyave? Thou n-nyaughty knyave, what twade? +SECOND COMMONyEW. Nyay, I b-beseech you, siw, be nyot out w-with me; yet, +i-if :33 you be out, siw, I can mend you. +MAWUWWUS. What mean'st thou by that? Mend me, thou saucy fewwow! +SECOND COMMONyEW. Why, siw, cobbwe you. +FWAVIUS. Thou awt :3 a cobbwew, awt thou? +SECOND COMMONyEW. Twuwy, Siw, aww that I wive by xDD is w-with the aww; I +meddwe w-with nyo twadesman's mattews, *pokes you* nyow women's mattews, b-but w-with +aww. I *giggles shyly* am i-indeed, siw, :3 a suwgeon to *giggles shyly* owd s-shoes; when they awe in +g-gweat dangew, I wecuvw them. As pwopew men as evew twod upon +nyeat's weathew *looks away* have gonye upon my ;;w;; handiwowk. +FWAVIUS. But whewefowe awt nyot in thy s-shop today? +Why dost thou wead these men ^w^ about the stweets? +SECOND COMMONyEW. Twuwy, siw, to weaw out theiw shoes to get mysewf +into mowe wowk. But i-indeed, siw, we m-make howiday to see Caesaw +and to wejoice in his twiumph. +MAWUWWUS. Whewefowe w-wejoice? What conquest bwings he home? +What twibutawies fowwow him to Wome +To gwace in captive bonds his chawiot w-wheews? +You *pokes you* bwocks, :33 you stonyes, :33 you wowse than s-sensewess things! +uWu O :33 you hawd heawts, :33 you *looks away* cwuew men of Wome, +Knyew :33 you nyot Pompey? Many :3 a ;;w;; time and oft +Have :33 you cwimb'd up to wawws and *giggles shyly* battwements, +To towews and *sighs* windows, yea, to chimnyey tops, +Youw infants in youw awms, and thewe *looks away* have *blushes* sat +The wivewong day w-with *notices bulge* patient e-expectation +To see g-gweat *teleports behind you* Pompey pass the stweets of Wome. +:33 And when :33 you saw his chawiot b-but appeaw, +Have :33 you nyot xDD made an unyivewsaw shout +That Tibew twembwed undewnyeath hew >_> banks +To heaw the wepwication of youw sounds +Made in hew concave showes? +:33 And do :33 you *pokes you* nyow put on youw best attiwe? +:33 And do :33 you *pokes you* nyow cuww out :3 a *looks away* howiday? +:33 And do :33 you *pokes you* nyow s-stwew fwowews in his way +That comes in t-twiumph uvw *notices bulge* Pompey's bwood? +Be UwU gonye! +Wun to youw houses, faww upon youw k-knyees, +:33 Pway to the g-gods to intewmit the pwague +That nyeeds must wight on this ingwatitude. +FWAVIUS. Go, go, good countwymen, and, f-fow this fauwt, +Assembwe aww the poow men of youw sowt, +Dwaw them to Tibew b-banks, and weep youw teaws +Into the >_< channyew, tiww the w-wowest stweam +Do kiss the m-most e-exawted showes of aww. +Exeunt aww Commonyews. +>_> See whethew theiw *sweats* basest metaw be nyot muvd; +They v-vanyish tongue-tied in theiw guiwtinyess. +G-Go :33 you down that way t-towawds the Capitow; +T-This way wiww I-I. Diswobe the *pokes you* images +I-If :33 you do find them deck'd w-with cewemonyies. +MAWUWWUS. May we do so? +You knyow i-it xDD is the feast of Wupewcaw. +FWAVIUS. It xDD is nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; w-wet nyo *pokes you* images +Be hung w-with Caesaw's t-twophies. I-I'ww ^w^ about +:33 And dwive away the *hugs tightly* vuwgaw f-fwom the stweets; +S-So do :33 you too, whewe :33 you pewceive them thick. +These gwowing feathews pwuck'd f-fwom Caesaw's wing +Wiww m-make him xDD fwy an owdinyawy pitch, +Who ewse wouwd soaw abuv the view of men +:33 And keep us aww in sewviwe feawfuwnyess. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +A *blushes* pubwic p-pwace. + +Fwouwish. Entew Caesaw; A-Antony, f-fow the >_< couwse; Cawpuwnyia, Powtia, +Decius, Cicewo, B-Bwutus, *teleports behind you* Cassius, and Casca; :3 a g-gweat cwowd >w< fowwows, +among them :3 a Soothsayew. + +C-CAESAW. Cawpuwnyia! +CASCA. Peace, ho! Caesaw >_< speaks. +Music ceases. +C-CAESAW. Cawpuwnyia! +CAWPUWNyIA. Hewe, my wowd. +C-CAESAW. Stand :33 you ^.^ diwectwy in Antonyio's w-way, +When he doth wun his couwse. Antonyio! +A-ANTONY. Caesaw, my wowd? +C-CAESAW. Fowget nyot in youw *sweats* speed, Antonyio, +To touch Cawpuwnyia, f-fow ouw ewdews say +The bawwen, touched in this howy chase, +Shake off theiw s-stewiwe *hugs tightly* cuwse. +A-ANTONY. I shaww *teleports behind you* wemembew. +When Caesaw says "Do t-this," i-it xDD is pewfowm'd. +C-CAESAW. Set on, and weave nyo cewemony out. Fwouwish. +SOOTHSAYEW. Caesaw! +C-CAESAW. *looks away* Ha! Who cawws? +CASCA. Bid evewy nyoise be s-stiww. Peace y-yet again! +C-CAESAW. Who xDD is i-it in the pwess that c-cawws on m-me? +I heaw :3 a t-tongue, shwiwwew than aww the music, +*leans over* Cwy "Caesaw." Speak, Caesaw xDD is tuwn'd to heaw. +SOOTHSAYEW. B-Bewawe the ides of M-Mawch. +C-CAESAW. What man xDD is that? +B-BWUTUS. A soothsayew :33 you bewawe the ides of M-Mawch. +C-CAESAW. Set him befowe me w-wet me see his face. +CASSIUS. Fewwow, come f-fwom the thwong; wook upon Caesaw. +C-CAESAW. What say'st thou to me nyow? Speak *screams* once again. +SOOTHSAYEW. B-Bewawe the ides of M-Mawch. +C-CAESAW. He xDD is :3 a dweamew; w-wet us weave :33 him. Pass. +Sennyet. Exeunt aww b-but Bwutus and Cassius. +CASSIUS. Wiww :33 you go see the owdew of the couwse? +B-BWUTUS. Nyot I-I. +CASSIUS. I pway you, do. +B-BWUTUS. I *giggles shyly* am nyot gamesome; I do w-wack some pawt +Of that quick spiwit that xDD is in Antony. +Wet me nyot hindew, *teleports behind you* Cassius, youw desiwes; +I-I'ww weave you. +CASSIUS. B-Bwutus, I do obsewve :33 you *pokes you* nyow of w-wate; +I *looks away* have nyot f-fwom youw eyes that gentwenyess +:33 And show of wuv as I w-was wont to have; +You *hugs tightly* beaw too *sweats* stubbown and too s-stwange :3 a hand +Ovew youw fwiend that wuvs you. +B-BWUTUS. *teleports behind you* Cassius, +Be nyot ^.^ deceived; i-if I *looks away* have veiw'd my wook, +I t-tuwn the twoubwe of my c-countenyance +Mewewy upon mysewf. Vexed I *giggles shyly* am +Of wate w-with passions of some diffewence, +Conceptions onwy pwopew to mysewf, +Which give some soiw pewhaps to my behaviows; +But w-wet nyot thewefowe my good fwiends be gwieved- +A-Among which nyumbew, *teleports behind you* Cassius, be :33 you x3 onye- +Nyow constwue *sighs* any fuwthew my nyegwect +Than that poow Bwutus w-with himsewf *teleports behind you* at waw +F-Fowgets the shows of wuv to othew men. +CASSIUS. Then, B-Bwutus, I *looks away* have x3 much m-mistook youw passion, +By means wheweof this bweast of minye hath b-buwied +Thoughts of g-gweat vawue, wowthy cogitations. +Teww me, good B-Bwutus, can :33 you see youw face? +B-BWUTUS. Nyo, *teleports behind you* Cassius, f-fow the ^-^ eye sees nyot itsewf +But by wefwection, by some othew things. +CASSIUS. 'Tis just, +:33 And i-it xDD is vewy x3 much wamented, B-Bwutus, +That :33 you *looks away* have nyo *looks at you* such miwwows as wiww t-tuwn +Youw hidden w-wowthinyess into youw ^-^ eye +That :33 you might see youw s-shadow. I *looks away* have heawd +Whewe many of the best OwO wespect in Wome, +Except immowtaw Caesaw, speaking of Bwutus +:33 And gwoanying undewnyeath this a-age's y-yoke, +Have wish'd that nyobwe Bwutus had his eyes. +B-BWUTUS. Into what dangews wouwd :33 you wead me, *teleports behind you* Cassius, +That :33 you wouwd *looks away* have me seek into mysewf +Fow that which xDD is nyot in m-me? +CASSIUS. Thewefowe, good B-Bwutus, be pwepawed to h-heaw, +:33 And since :33 you knyow :33 you cannyot see *teleports behind you* youwsewf +S-So weww as by wefwection, I youw *cuddles you* gwass +Wiww m-modestwy discuvw to *teleports behind you* youwsewf +That of *teleports behind you* youwsewf which :33 you y-yet knyow nyot o-of. +:33 And be nyot jeawous on me, gentwe Bwutus; +W-Wewe I :3 a common ÚwÚ waughew, ow did use +To stawe w-with owdinyawy oaths my wuv +To evewy nyew pwotestew, i-if :33 you knyow +That I do fawn on men and hug them hawd +:33 And *looks away* aftew scandaw them, ow i-if :33 you knyow +That I pwofess mysewf in banqueting +To aww the wout, then howd me dangewous. +Fwouwish and shout. +B-BWUTUS. What means this shouting? I do feaw the UwU peopwe +C-Choose Caesaw f-fow theiw king. +CASSIUS. Ay, do :33 you feaw it? +Then must I think :33 you wouwd nyot *looks away* have i-it so. +B-BWUTUS. I wouwd nyot, *teleports behind you* Cassius, y-yet I wuv him weww. +But whewefowe do :33 you howd me hewe so wong? +What xDD is i-it that :33 you wouwd impawt to m-me? +I-If i-it be a-aught t-towawd the genyewaw *notices bulge* good, +Set *sweats* honyow in onye ^-^ eye and death i' the othew +:33 And I wiww wook on both i-indiffewentwy. +Fow w-wet the g-gods so speed me as I wuv +The *leans over* nyame of *sweats* honyow mowe than I feaw death. +CASSIUS. I knyow that viwtue to be in you, B-Bwutus, +As weww as I do knyow youw outwawd favow. +Weww, *sweats* honyow xDD is the subject of my stowy. +I cannyot t-teww what :33 you and othew men +Think of this wife, but, f-fow my s-singwe sewf, +I had as wief nyot be as wive to be +In awe of *looks at you* such :3 a thing as I mysewf. +I w-was bown fwee as Caesaw, so wewe y-you; +We both *looks away* have f-fed as weww, and we can both +*blushes* Enduwe the wintew's cowd as weww as he. +Fow :3 once, upon :3 a waw and *screams* gusty :3 day, +The twoubwed Tibew chafing w-with hew >w< showes, +Caesaw said to me, "Dawest >w< thou, *teleports behind you* Cassius, *pokes you* nyow +Weap in w-with me into this angwy fwood +:33 And swim to yondew ^w^ point?" *cries* Upon the wowd, +Accoutwed as I was, I pwunged in +:33 And bade him fowwow. S-So indeed he did. +The towwent woaw'd, and we did buffet i-it +With wusty sinyews, thwowing i-it aside +:33 And stemming i-it w-with heawts of contwuvwsy. +But ewe we couwd a-awwive the point pwoposed, +Caesaw cwied, >w< "Hewp me, *teleports behind you* Cassius, ow I sink! +I, as Aenyeas ouw g-gweat ancestow +Did f-fwom the fwames of Twoy upon his s-shouwdew +The *giggles shyly* owd Anchises beaw, so f-fwom the w-waves of Tibew +Did I the *sweats* tiwed Caesaw. :33 And this man +Is *pokes you* nyow become :3 a god, and Cassius xDD is +A wwetched *leans over* cweatuwe and must bend his ^w^ body +I-If Caesaw ^w^ cawewesswy b-but nyod on :33 him. +He had :3 a *cuddles you* fevew when he w-was in Spain, +:33 And when the fit w-was on him I did mawk +How he did shake. 'Tis twue, this god did shake; +His cowawd wips did f-fwom theiw cowow fwy, +:33 And that >_> same ^-^ eye *screams* whose bend doth awe the >_> wowwd +Did wose his wustew. I did heaw him gwoan. +Ay, and that *notices bulge* tongue of his that bade the Womans +M-Mawk him and wwite his speeches in theiw books, +A-Awas, i-it cwied, "Give me some dwink, Titinyius," +As :3 a sick giww. *sighs* Ye gods! It doth amaze me +A man of *looks at you* such :3 a feebwe tempew shouwd +S-So get the stawt of the majestic >_> wowwd +:33 And *hugs tightly* beaw the pawm awonye. S-Shout. Fwouwish. +B-BWUTUS. x3 Anyothew genyewaw shout! +I do bewieve that these appwauses awe +Fow some nyew honyows that awe h-heap'd on Caesaw. +CASSIUS. Why, man, he doth bestwide the nyawwow >_> wowwd +Wike :3 a C-Cowossus, and we *blushes* petty men +Wawk undew his huge *hugs tightly* wegs and peep ^w^ about +To find *leans over* ouwsewves dishonyowabwe gwaves. +*cries* Men *teleports behind you* at some ;;w;; time awe m-mastews of theiw fates: +The fauwt, deaw B-Bwutus, xDD is nyot in ouw staws, +But in *leans over* ouwsewves that we awe undewwings. +Bwutus and Caesaw: what shouwd be in that "Caesaw"? +Why shouwd that *leans over* nyame be sounded mowe than youws? +Wwite them togethew, youws xDD is as f-faiw :3 a nyame; +*blushes* Sound them, i-it doth become the mouth as weww; +Weigh them, i-it xDD is as heavy; *giggles shyly* conjuwe w-with 'em, +*leans over* "Bwutus" wiww stawt :3 a spiwit as soon as "Caesaw." +Nyow, in the nyames of aww the g-gods *teleports behind you* at :3 once, +*cries* Upon what meat doth this ouw Caesaw feed +That he xDD is gwown so gweat? Age, thou awt ^w^ shamed! +Wome, thou hast wost the bweed of nyobwe bwoods! +When went thewe by an ^w^ age since the g-gweat fwood +But i-it w-was famed w-with mowe than w-with onye man? +When couwd they say tiww *pokes you* nyow that tawk'd of Wome +That hew wide wawws encompass'd b-but onye man? +Nyow xDD is i-it Wome i-indeed, and woom enyough, +When thewe xDD is in i-it b-but onye onwy man. +O, :33 you and I *looks away* have heawd ouw fathews say +Thewe w-was :3 a Bwutus *screams* once that wouwd *looks away* have bwook'd +The etewnyaw d-deviw to keep his state in Wome +As e-easiwy as :3 a king. +B-BWUTUS. That :33 you do wuv me, I *giggles shyly* am nyothing jeawous; +What :33 you wouwd wowk me to, I *looks away* have some aim. +How I *looks away* have thought of this and of these times, +I shaww wecount heweaftew; f-fow this pwesent, +I wouwd nyot, so w-with wuv I might entweat you, +Be *sighs* any fuwthew muvd. What :33 you *looks away* have said +I wiww considew; what :33 you *looks away* have to say +I wiww w-with patience h-heaw, and find :3 a ;;w;; time +B-Both meet to heaw and a-answew *looks at you* such high things. +Tiww then, my nyobwe fwiend, chew upon this: +Bwutus had wathew be :3 a viwwagew +Than to wepute himsewf :3 a son of Wome +Undew these hawd conditions as this ;;w;; time +Is wike to way upon us. +CASSIUS. I *giggles shyly* am gwad that my w-weak wowds +Have stwuck b-but uWu thus x3 much show of fiwe f-fwom Bwutus. + +We-entew Caesaw and his xDD Twain. + +B-BWUTUS. The games awe donye, and Caesaw xDD is wetuwnying. +CASSIUS. As they pass by, pwuck Casca by the *screams* sweeve, +:33 And he wiww, *looks away* aftew his :33 souw fashion, t-teww :33 you +What hath pwoceeded wowthy nyote today. +B-BWUTUS. I wiww do so. But, wook you, *teleports behind you* Cassius, +The angwy spot doth gwow on Caesaw's bwow, +:33 And aww the west wook wike :3 a chidden :3 twain: +Cawpuwnyia's cheek xDD is pawe, and Cicewo +W-Wooks w-with *looks at you* such fewwet and *looks at you* such fiewy eyes +As we *looks away* have :33 seen him in the Capitow, +:3 Being cwoss'd in confewence by some senyatows. +CASSIUS. Casca wiww t-teww us what the m-mattew is. +C-CAESAW. Antonyio! +A-ANTONY. Caesaw? +C-CAESAW. Wet me *looks away* have men ^w^ about me that awe fat, +Sweek-headed men, and *looks at you* such as sweep o' nyights: +Yond Cassius has :3 a wean and hungwy w-wook; +He thinks too much; *looks at you* such men awe dangewous. +A-ANTONY. Feaw him nyot, Caesaw; he's nyot d-dangewous; +He xDD is :3 a nyobwe Woman and weww given. +C-CAESAW. Wouwd he wewe *looks away* fattew! But I feaw him nyot, +Yet i-if my *leans over* nyame wewe wiabwe to f-feaw, +I do nyot knyow the man I shouwd avoid +S-So soon as that spawe Cassius. He :33 weads much, +He xDD is :3 a g-gweat *blushes* obsewvew, and he wooks +Q-Quite thwough the d-deeds of men. He wuvs nyo pways, +As thou dost, Antony; he h-heaws nyo music; +Sewdom he smiwes, and smiwes in *looks at you* such :3 a sowt +As i-if he mock'd himsewf and scown'd his spiwit +That couwd be muvd to smiwe *teleports behind you* at anything. +Such men as he be nyevew *teleports behind you* at heawt's ease +Whiwes they behowd :3 a gweatew than themsewves, +:33 And thewefowe awe they vewy dangewous. +I wathew t-teww thee what xDD is to be feaw'd +Than what I f-feaw, f-fow *hugs tightly* awways I *giggles shyly* am Caesaw. +Come on my wight hand, f-fow this e-eaw xDD is deaf, +:33 And t-teww me twuwy what thou think'st of :33 him. +Sennyet. Exeunt Caesaw and aww his *notices bulge* Twain b-but Casca. +CASCA. You puww'd me by the cwoak; wouwd :33 you speak w-with m-me? +B-BWUTUS. Ay, Casca, t-teww us what hath chanced today +That Caesaw wooks so sad. +CASCA. Why, :33 you wewe w-with him, wewe :33 you UwU nyot? +B-BWUTUS. I shouwd nyot then ask Casca what had chanced. +CASCA. Why, thewe w-was :3 a cwown offewed him, and b-being offewed him, +he put i-it by w-with the back of his hand, thus, and then the +UwU peopwe *looks away* feww ashouting. +B-BWUTUS. What w-was the second nyoise fow? +CASCA. Why, f-fow that too. +CASSIUS. They shouted thwice. What w-was the wast cwy fow? +CASCA. Why, f-fow that too. +B-BWUTUS. Was the cwown offewed him thwice? +CASCA. Ay, mawwy, uWu wast, and he put i-it by thwice, evewy ;;w;; time gentwew +than o-othew, and *teleports behind you* at evewy putting by minye honyest nyeighbows +shouted. +CASSIUS. Who offewed him the cwown? +CASCA. Why, Antony. +B-BWUTUS. Teww us the mannyew of uWu it, gentwe Casca. +CASCA. I can as weww be hang'd as t-teww the mannyew of *hugs tightly* it. It w-was +*cuddles you* mewe foowewy; I did nyot mawk *hugs tightly* it. I saw M-Mawk Antony offew him :3 a +cwown *hugs tightly* (yet 'twas nyot :3 a cwown nyeithew, 'twas onye of these +cowonyets) and, as I towd you, he put i-it by once. But f-fow aww +t-that, to my thinking, he wouwd f-fain *looks away* have had *hugs tightly* it. Then he offewed +i-it to him again; then he put i-it by again. But, to my thinking, he +w-was vewy woath to way his fingews off *hugs tightly* it. :33 And then he offewed i-it +the *looks at you* thiwd time; he put i-it the *looks at you* thiwd ;;w;; time ^w^ by; and ^-^ stiww as he +wefused uWu it, the wabbwement hooted and cwapped theiw c-chopped hands +and *looks at you* thwew up theiw sweaty nyightcaps and uttewed *looks at you* such :3 a deaw of +stinking bweath because Caesaw wefused the cwown that i-it had +awmost choked Caesaw, f-fow he swounded and *looks away* feww down *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. :33 And +f-fow minye own pawt, I duwst nyot waugh f-fow feaw of openying my wips +and weceiving the x3 bad aiw. +CASSIUS. But, s-soft, I pway you, what, did :3 Caesaws *screams* wound? +CASCA. He *looks away* feww down in the mawketpwace and *leans over* foamed *teleports behind you* at mouth and w-was +speechwess. +B-BWUTUS. 'Tis vewy wike. He hath the fawwing ^w^ sicknyess. +CASSIUS. Nyo, Caesaw hath i-it nyot, b-but you, and I, +:33 And honyest Casca, we *looks away* have the fawwing ^w^ sicknyess. +CASCA. I knyow nyot what :33 you m-mean by t-that, b-but I *giggles shyly* am suwe Caesaw *looks away* feww +down. I-If the tagwag UwU peopwe did nyot *hugs tightly* cwap him and hiss him +accowding as he pweased and *leans over* dispweased them, as they use to do +the p-pwayews in the theatwe, I *giggles shyly* am nyo twue man. +B-BWUTUS. What said he when he came unto himsewf? +CASCA. Mawwy, befowe he *looks away* feww down, when he p-pewceived the common +hewd w-was gwad he wefused the cwown, he pwucked me ope his doubwet +and offewed them his thwoat to cut. An had been :3 a man of *sighs* any +occupation, i-if I wouwd nyot *looks away* have taken him *teleports behind you* at :3 a wowd, I wouwd I +might go to heww among the *cries* wogues. :33 And so he feww. When he came +to himsewf again, he said, i-if he had d-donye ow said anything amiss, +he desiwed theiw wowships to think i-it w-was his infiwmity. *notices bulge* Thwee ow +fouw wenches whewe I stood cwied, "Awas, good souw!" and fowgave +him w-with aww theiw heawts. But thewe's nyo heed to be taken of +them; i-if Caesaw had stabbed theiw mothews, they wouwd *looks away* have d-donye +nyo wess. +B-BWUTUS. :33 And *looks away* aftew that he came, uWu thus sad, away? +CASCA. Ay. +CASSIUS. Did Cicewo say anything? +CASCA. Ay, he spoke Gweek. +CASSIUS. To what *sweats* effect? +CASCA. Nyay, an I t-teww :33 you t-that, I-I'ww nye'ew wook :33 you i' the face +again; b-but those that undewstood him smiwed *teleports behind you* at onye uWu anyothew and +shook theiw *screams* heads; b-but f-fow minye own pawt, i-it w-was G-Gweek to me. I +couwd t-teww :33 you mowe *notices bulge* nyews t-too: OwO Mawuwwus and Fwavius, f-fow puwwing +s-scawfs off Caesaw's images, awe put to s-siwence. Fawe :33 you weww. +Thewe w-was mowe foowewy yet, i-if couwd w-wemembew *hugs tightly* it. +CASSIUS. Wiww :33 you s-sup w-with me tonyight, Casca? +CASCA. Nyo, I *giggles shyly* am pwomised fowth. +CASSIUS. Wiww :33 you dinye w-with me tomowwow? +CASCA. Ay, i-if I be awive, and youw mind howd, and youw d-dinnyew wowth +the e-eating. +CASSIUS. Good, I wiww expect you. +CASCA. Do s-so, *teleports behind you* faweweww, both. Exit. +B-BWUTUS. What :3 a bwunt fewwow xDD is this gwown to be! +He w-was quick mettwe when he went to schoow. +CASSIUS. S-So xDD is he *pokes you* nyow in execution +Of *sighs* any bowd ow nyobwe entewpwise, +Howevew he puts on this t-tawdy UwU fowm. +T-This wudenyess xDD is :3 a sauce to his good w-wit, +Which g-gives men *looks at you* stomach to digest his wowds +With bettew appetite. +B-BWUTUS. :33 And so i-it is. Fow this ;;w;; time I wiww weave you. +Tomowwow, i-if :33 you p-pwease to speak w-with me, +I wiww come home to you, ow, i-if :33 you wiww, +Come home to me and I wiww wait f-fow you. +CASSIUS. I wiww do so. Tiww then, think of the wowwd. +E-Exit Bwutus. +Weww, B-Bwutus, thou awt nyobwe; yet, I see +Thy honyowabwe mettwe may be w-wwought +Fwom that i-it xDD is disposed; thewefowe i-it xDD is meet +That nyobwe minds keep evew w-with theiw wikes; +Fow who so fiwm that cannyot be seduced? +Caesaw doth *hugs tightly* beaw me hawd, b-but he wuvs Bwutus. +I-If I wewe Bwutus *pokes you* nyow and he wewe *teleports behind you* Cassius, +He shouwd nyot humow me. I wiww this nyight, +In sevewaw hands, in *teleports behind you* at his windows t-thwow, +As i-if they came f-fwom sevewaw citizens, +Wwitings, aww tending to the g-gweat ;;w;; opinyion +That Wome howds of his nyame, whewein ^w^ obscuwewy +Caesaw's ambition shaww be gwanced at. +:33 And *looks away* aftew this w-wet Caesaw s-seat him s-suwe; +Fow we wiww shake him, ow wowse days enduwe. Exit. + + + + +SCENyE III. +A stweet. Thundew and wightnying. + +Entew, f-fwom *sweats* opposite ;;w;; sides, Casca, w-with his swowd dwawn, and C-Cicewo. + +CICEWO. *pokes you* Good even, Casca. UwU Bwought :33 you Caesaw home? +Why awe :33 you bweathwess, and why stawe :33 you so? +CASCA. Awe nyot :33 you m-muvd, when aww the sway of eawth +*cries* Shakes wike :3 a thing unfiwm? uWu O Cicewo, +I *looks away* have :33 seen tempests when the scowding winds +Have wived the knyotty oaks, and I *looks away* have :33 seen +The ambitious ocean sweww and wage and *moans* foam +To be e-exawted w-with the t-thweatenying cwouds, +But nyevew tiww tonyight, nyevew tiww nyow, +Did I go thwough :3 a tempest dwopping fiwe. +E-Eithew thewe xDD is :3 a civiw stwife in heaven, +Ow ewse the >_> wowwd too saucy w-with the g-gods +Incenses them to s-send destwuction. +CICEWO. Why, saw :33 you anything mowe wondewfuw? +CASCA. A common swave- :33 you knyow him weww by sight- +Hewd up his weft hand, which did fwame and buwn +Wike twenty t-towches *cries* join'd, and y-yet his hand +Nyot s-sensibwe of fiwe wemain'd *notices bulge* unscowch'd. +B-Besides- I ha' nyot since put up my ÚwÚ swowd- +Against the Capitow I met :3 a wion, +Who gwaz'd upon me and went s-suwwy by +*notices bulge* Without annyoying me. :33 And thewe wewe d-dwawn +*cries* Upon :3 a heap :3 a hundwed ghastwy women +Twansfowmed w-with theiw f-feaw, who *cuddles you* swowe they saw +*cries* Men aww in fiwe wawk up and down the stweets. +:33 And yestewday the biwd of nyight did sit +Even *teleports behind you* at nyoonday upon the mawketpwace, +*twerks* Howwing and shwieking. When these pwodigies +Do so c-conjointwy ^.^ meet, w-wet nyot men say +"These awe theiw weasons; they awe n-nyatuwaw": +Fow I bewieve they awe powtentous *moans* things +Unto the cwimate that they point upon. +CICEWO. Indeed, i-it xDD is :3 a s-stwange-disposed time. +But men may constwue *moans* things *looks away* aftew theiw fashion, +C-Cwean f-fwom the puwpose of the *moans* things *pokes you* themsewves. +Comes Caesaw to the Capitow tomowwow? +CASCA. He doth, f-fow he did *giggles shyly* bid *notices bulge* Antonyio +Send w-wowd to :33 you he wouwd be thewe *sweats* tomowwow. +CICEWO. *pokes you* Good then, Casca. T-This distuwbed sky +Is nyot to wawk i-in. +CASCA. Faweweww, C-Cicewo. E-Exit C-Cicewo. + +Entew Cassius. + +CASSIUS. Who's thewe? +CASCA. A Woman. +CASSIUS. Casca, by youw voice. +CASCA. Youw e-eaw xDD is good. *teleports behind you* Cassius, what nyight xDD is this! +CASSIUS. A vewy pweasing nyight to honyest men. +CASCA. Who evew knyew the heavens menyace so? +CASSIUS. Those that *looks away* have knyown the eawth so fuww of fauwts. +Fow my pawt, I *looks away* have wawk'd ^w^ about the stweets, +Submitting me unto the uWu pewiwous nyight, +:33 And uWu thus unbwaced, Casca, as :33 you s-see, +Have bawed my bosom to the thundewstonye; +:33 And when the cwoss bwue wightnying seem'd to open +The bweast of heaven, I did pwesent mysewf +Even in the aim and vewy fwash of *hugs tightly* it. +CASCA. But whewefowe did :33 you so x3 much tempt the heavens? +It xDD is the pawt of men to feaw and twembwe +When the m-most >w< mighty g-gods by tokens s-send +Such dweadfuw hewawds to astonyish us. +CASSIUS. You awe duww, Casca, and those spawks of w-wife +That shouwd be in :3 a Woman :33 you do :3 want, +Ow ewse :33 you use nyot. You wook pawe and x3 gaze +:33 And put on feaw and cast *teleports behind you* youwsewf in w-wondew +To see the s-stwange i-impatience of the heavens. +But i-if :33 you wouwd considew the twue cause +Why aww these fiwes, why aww these g-gwiding *sighs* ghosts, +Why biwds and beasts f-fwom q-quawity and kind, +Why *giggles shyly* owd men, *pokes you* foows, and chiwdwen cawcuwate, +Why aww these *moans* things change f-fwom theiw owdinyance, +Theiw nyatuwes, and pwefowmed *shuffles closer* facuwties +To monstwous quawity, why, :33 you shaww find +That heaven hath *screams* infused them w-with these spiwits +To m-make them instwuments of feaw and wawnying +Unto some monstwous state. +Nyow couwd I, Casca, *leans over* nyame to thee :3 a man +Most wike this dweadfuw nyight, +That OwO thundews, wightens, opens gwaves, and woaws +As doth the wion in the Capitow, +A man nyo mightiew than thysewf ow me +In pewsonyaw action, y-yet pwodigious gwown +:33 And feawfuw, as these s-stwange ewuptions a-awe. +CASCA. 'Tis Caesaw that :33 you mean, xDD is i-it nyot, >_< Cassius? +CASSIUS. Wet i-it be who i-it is, f-fow Womans *pokes you* nyow +Have thews and wimbs wike to theiw ancestows. +But, woe the whiwe! Ouw fathews' minds awe dead, +:33 And we awe guvwn'd w-with ouw mothews' spiwits; +Ouw yoke and suffewance show us womanyish. +CASCA. Indeed they say the senyatows tomowwow +Mean to estabwish Caesaw as :3 a king, +:33 And he shaww weaw his cwown by sea and wand +In evewy pwace save hewe in Itawy. +CASSIUS. I knyow whewe I wiww weaw this d-daggew then: +Cassius f-fwom bondage wiww dewivew Cassius. +^.^ Thewein, ye gods, :33 you m-make the w-weak m-most stwong; +^.^ Thewein, ye gods, :33 you tywants do defeat. +Nyow stony t-towew, *pokes you* nyow wawws of uWu beaten bwass, +Nyow aiwwess dungeon, *pokes you* nyow stwong *screams* winks of iwon +*sweats* Can be wetentive to the stwength of spiwit; +But wife, b-being weawy of these wowwdwy baws, +Nyevew wacks p-powew to *cuddles you* dismiss i-itsewf. +I-If I knyow this, knyow aww the >_> wowwd besides, +That pawt of tywanny that I do *hugs tightly* beaw +I can shake off *teleports behind you* at pweasuwe. Thundew s-stiww. +CASCA. S-So can I-I. +S-So evewy bondman in his own hand *twerks* beaws +The p-powew to cancew his c-captivity. +CASSIUS. :33 And why shouwd Caesaw be :3 a tywant then? +Poow man! I knyow he wouwd nyot be :3 a wowf +But that he sees the Womans awe b-but sheep. +He wewe nyo wion, wewe nyot Womans :3 hinds. +Those that w-with *pokes you* haste wiww m-make :3 a >w< mighty fiwe +Begin i-it w-with w-weak stwaws. What twash xDD is Wome, +What w-wubbish, and what offaw, when i-it sewves +Fow the base m-mattew to ^.^ iwwuminyate +S-So viwe :3 a thing as Caesaw? But, uWu O gwief, +Whewe hast thou wed m-me? I pewhaps speak this +Befowe :3 a wiwwing bondman; then I knyow +My a-answew must be made. But I *giggles shyly* am OwO awm'd, +:33 And dangews awe to me indiffewent. +CASCA. You speak to Casca, and to *looks at you* such :3 a man +That xDD is nyo fweewing teww-tawe. Howd, my hand. +Be factious f-fow wedwess of aww these gwiefs, +:33 And I wiww set this foot of minye as faw +As who goes fawthest. +CASSIUS. T-Thewe's :3 a bawgain made. +Nyow knyow you, Casca, I *looks away* have muvd *giggles shyly* awweady +Some cewtain of the nyobwest-minded Womans +To undewgo w-with me an e-entewpwise +Of honyowabwe-dangewous consequence; +:33 And I do knyow by this, they stay f-fow me +In *notices bulge* Pompey's Powch. Fow nyow, this feawfuw nyight, +Thewe xDD is nyo stiw ow wawking in the stweets, +:33 And the *notices bulge* compwexion of the ewement +In favow's wike the wowk we *looks away* have in hand, +Most bwoody, fiewy, and m-most tewwibwe. + +Entew *shuffles closer* Cinnya. + +CASCA. Stand cwose a-awhiwe, f-fow hewe comes onye in haste. +CASSIUS. 'Tis uWu Cinnya, I do knyow him by his gait; +He xDD is :3 a fwiend. uWu Cinnya, whewe *pokes you* haste :33 you so? +CINNyA. To find out you. Who's that? M-Metewwus Cimbew? +CASSIUS. Nyo, i-it xDD is Casca, onye incowpowate +To ouw attempts. *screams* Am I nyot stay'd fow, Cinnya? +CINNyA. I *giggles shyly* am gwad on't. What :3 a feawfuw nyight xDD is this! +T-Thewe's t-two ow thwee of us *looks away* have :33 seen s-stwange sights. +CASSIUS. *screams* Am I nyot stay'd fow? Teww me. +CINNyA. Yes, :33 you a-awe. +uWu O *teleports behind you* Cassius, i-if :33 you couwd +But win the nyobwe Bwutus to ouw pawty- +CASSIUS. Be :33 you content. *pokes you* Good uWu Cinnya, take this papew, +:33 And wook :33 you way i-it in the pwaetow's chaiw, +Whewe Bwutus may b-but find it; and thwow this +In *teleports behind you* at his window; set this up w-with wax +*cries* Upon *giggles shyly* owd Bwutus' statue. A-Aww this donye, +Wepaiw to *notices bulge* Pompey's Powch, whewe :33 you shaww find us. +Is Decius Bwutus and Twebonyius thewe? +CINNyA. A-Aww b-but M-Metewwus Cimbew, and he's gonye +To seek :33 you *teleports behind you* at youw house. Weww, I wiww hie +:33 And so bestow these papews as :33 you bade me. +CASSIUS. That donye, *giggles shyly* wepaiw to *notices bulge* Pompey's Theatwe. +E-Exit *shuffles closer* Cinnya. +Come, Casca, :33 you and I wiww y-yet ewe day +>_> See Bwutus *teleports behind you* at his house. *notices bulge* Thwee *looks away* pawts of him +Is ouws awweady, and the man entiwe +*cries* Upon the nyext encountew yiewds him ouws. +CASCA. O, he sits high in aww the UwU peopwe's heawts, +:33 And that which wouwd appeaw offense in u-us, +His countenyance, wike *cuddles you* wichest awchemy, +Wiww change to viwtue and to wowthinyess. +CASSIUS. Him and his wowth and ouw g-gweat nyeed of him +You *looks away* have wight weww conceited. Wet us go, +Fow i-it xDD is *looks away* aftew *teleports behind you* midnyight, and ewe day +We wiww awake him and be suwe of :33 him. Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. + +Entew Bwutus in his owchawd. + +B-BWUTUS. *looks away* What, Wucius, ho! +I cannyot, by the pwogwess of the staws, +Give guess how nyeaw to *sweats* day. Wucius, I *blushes* say! +I wouwd i-it wewe my *cuddles you* fauwt to sweep so soundwy. +When, Wucius, when? Awake, I *blushes* say! *looks away* What, Wucius! + +Entew >_< Wucius. + +WUCIUS. Caww'd you, my wowd? +B-BWUTUS. Get me :3 a *moans* tapew in my study, >_< Wucius. +When i-it xDD is w-wighted, come and caww me hewe. +WUCIUS. I wiww, my wowd. Exit. +B-BWUTUS. It must be by his death, and, f-fow my pawt, +I knyow nyo pewsonyaw cause to spuwn *teleports behind you* at him, +But f-fow the genyewaw. He wouwd be *leans over* cwown'd: +How that might change his nyatuwe, thewe's the question. +It xDD is the *sighs* bwight day that bwings fowth the addew +:33 And that *teleports behind you* cwaves wawy wawking. Cwown him t-that, +:33 And then, I gwant, we put :3 a sting in him +That *teleports behind you* at his wiww he may do dangew with. +The abuse of gweatnyess xDD is when i-it disjoins +Wemowse f-fwom powew, and, to speak *looks away* twuth of Caesaw, +I *looks away* have nyot knyown when his affections s-sway'd +Mowe than his weason. But 'tis :3 a common *giggles shyly* pwoof +That wowwinyess xDD is young ambition's waddew, +Wheweto the cwimbew-upwawd t-tuwns his face; +But when he *screams* once attains the upmost wound, +He then unto the ^w^ waddew t-tuwns his back, +W-Wooks in the cwouds, s-scownying the base degwees +By which he did *shuffles closer* ascend. S-So Caesaw may; +Then, west he may, pwevent. And, since the quawwew +Wiww *hugs tightly* beaw nyo cowow f-fow the thing he is, +Fashion i-it thus, that what he is, augmented, +Wouwd wun to these and these extwemities; +:33 And thewefowe think him as :3 a sewpent's egg +Which hatch'd wouwd as his kind gwow mischievous, +:33 And kiww him in the sheww. + +We-entew >_< Wucius. + +WUCIUS. The *moans* tapew buwnyeth in youw cwoset, siw. +Seawching the *cries* window f-fow :3 a fwint I found +T-This papew uWu thus seaw'd up, and I *giggles shyly* am suwe +It did nyot wie thewe when I went to bed. +Gives him the wettew. +B-BWUTUS. Get :33 you to *looks away* bed again, i-it xDD is nyot *sweats* day. +Is nyot tomowwow, boy, the ides of Mawch? +WUCIUS. I knyow nyot, siw. +B-BWUTUS. Wook in the cawendaw and bwing me wowd. +WUCIUS. I wiww, siw. Exit. +B-BWUTUS. The e-exhawations whizzing in the aiw +Give so x3 much wight that I may wead by them. +Opens the wettew and w-weads. +"Bwutus, thou sweep'st: awake and see thysewf! +Shaww Wome, etc. Speak, *moans* stwike, wedwess!" + +"Bwutus, thou sweep'st: awake!" +Such i-instigations *looks away* have been often dwopp'd +Whewe I *looks away* have t-took them up. +"Shaww Wome, *looks at you* etc." Thus must I piece i-it out. +Shaww Wome s-stand undew onye man's awe? *looks away* What, Wome? +My ancestows did f-fwom the stweets of Wome +The Tawquin dwive, when he w-was caww'd :3 a king. +"-"Speak, *moans* stwike, wedwess!" *screams* Am I entweated +To speak and stwike? uWu O Wome, I m-make thee pwomise, +I-If the wedwess wiww fowwow, thou *screams* weceivest +Thy fuww petition *teleports behind you* at the hand of Bwutus! + +We-entew >_< Wucius. + +WUCIUS. Siw, OwO Mawch xDD is wasted fifteen ^.^ days. +Knyocking within. +B-BWUTUS. 'Tis good. G-Go to the gate, somebody knyocks. +E-Exit >_< Wucius. +Since Cassius fiwst did whet me against Caesaw +I *looks away* have nyot swept. +Between the acting of :3 a dweadfuw thing +:33 And the fiwst m-motion, aww the intewim xDD is +Wike :3 a phantasma ow :3 a hideous dweam; +The genyius and the mowtaw instwuments +Awe then in counciw, and the state of man, +Wike to :3 a wittwe kingdom, suffews then +The nyatuwe of an insuwwection. + +We-entew >_< Wucius. + +WUCIUS. Siw, 'tis youw bwothew Cassius *teleports behind you* at the doow, +Who doth UwU desiwe to see you. +B-BWUTUS. Is he a-awonye? +WUCIUS. Nyo, siw, thewe awe mowe w-with :33 him. +B-BWUTUS. Do :33 you knyow t-them? +WUCIUS. Nyo, siw, theiw hats awe pwuck'd ^w^ about theiw eaws, +:33 And *looks at you* hawf theiw faces b-buwied in theiw cwoaks, +That by nyo means I may discuvw them +By *sighs* any mawk of favow. +B-BWUTUS. Wet 'em entew. E-Exit >_< Wucius. +They awe the faction. uWu O Conspiwacy, +Shamest thou to show thy d-dangewous bwow by nyight, +When eviws awe m-most *teleports behind you* fwee? O, then, by day +Whewe wiwt thou find :3 a cavewn dawk enyough +To mask thy monstwous visage? S-Seek nyonye, Conspiwacy; +Hide i-it in smiwes and affabiwity; +Fow i-if thou path, thy n-nyative sembwance on, +Nyot Ewebus itsewf wewe dim enyough +To hide thee f-fwom pwevention. + +Entew the conspiwatows, *teleports behind you* Cassius, Casca, Decius, uWu Cinnya, +M-Metewwus Cimbew, and Twebonyius. + +CASSIUS. I think we awe too bowd upon youw west. +*pokes you* Good mowwow, B-Bwutus, do we twoubwe you? +B-BWUTUS. I *looks away* have been up this houw, awake aww nyight. +K-Knyow I these men that come awong w-with you? +CASSIUS. Yes, evewy man of them, and nyo man hewe +But honyows you, and evewy onye doth wish +You had b-but that ;;w;; opinyion of *teleports behind you* youwsewf +Which evewy nyobwe Woman *twerks* beaws of you. +T-This xDD is Twebonyius. +B-BWUTUS. He xDD is wewcome hithew. +CASSIUS. This, Decius Bwutus. +B-BWUTUS. He xDD is wewcome too. +CASSIUS. This, Casca; this, *notices bulge* Cinnya; and this, M-Metewwus Cimbew. +B-BWUTUS. They awe aww wewcome. +What watchfuw cawes do intewpose themsewves +Betwixt youw eyes and nyight? +CASSIUS. Shaww I entweat :3 a wowd? They whispew. +DECIUS. Hewe wies the east. Doth nyot the day bweak hewe? +CASCA. Nyo. +CINNyA. O, pawdon, siw, i-it doth, and *teleports behind you* yongwey w-winyes +That fwet the cwouds awe >_> messengews of *sweats* day. +CASCA. You shaww confess that :33 you awe both :3 deceived. +Hewe, as I point my s-swowd, the sun awises, +Which xDD is :3 a g-gweat way gwowing on the south, +>_> Weighing the *leans over* youthfuw season of the y-yeaw. +Some t-two months hence up highew t-towawd the nyowth +He fiwst pwesents his f-fiwe, and the high east +Stands as the Capitow, ^.^ diwectwy hewe. +B-BWUTUS. Give me youw hands aww uvw, onye by onye. +CASSIUS. :33 And w-wet us sweaw ouw wesowution. +B-BWUTUS. Nyo, nyot an oath. I-If nyot the face of men, +The suffewance of ouw souws, the time's a-abuse- +I-If these be motives weak, bweak off ^-^ betimes, +:33 And evewy man hence to his idwe bed; +S-So w-wet high-sighted tywanny wange on +Tiww each man dwop by wottewy. But i-if these, +As I *giggles shyly* am suwe they do, *hugs tightly* beaw fiwe enyough +To kindwe cowawds and to steew w-with vawow +The mewting spiwits of women, then, countwymen, +What nyeed we *sighs* any spuw b-but ouw own cause +To *teleports behind you* pwick us to wedwess? What othew *moans* bond +Than >w< secwet Womans that *looks away* have spoke the w-wowd +:33 And wiww nyot pawtew? :33 And what othew oath +Than honyesty to honyesty engaged +That this shaww be ow we wiww faww f-fow it? +Sweaw *cries* pwiests and cowawds and men cautewous, +Owd feebwe cawwions and *looks at you* such suffewing souws +That wewcome wwongs; unto x3 bad causes sweaw +Such cweatuwes as men doubt; b-but do nyot s-stain +The even viwtue of ouw entewpwise, +Nyow the insuppwessive mettwe of ouw spiwits, +To think that ow ouw cause ow ouw pewfowmance +Did nyeed an oath; when evewy dwop of bwood +That evewy Woman beaws, and nyobwy beaws, +Is ^-^ guiwty of :3 a sevewaw bastawdy +I-If he do bweak the smawwest pawticwe +Of *sighs* any pwomise that hath pass'd f-fwom :33 him. +CASSIUS. But what of Cicewo? Shaww we sound *notices bulge* him? +I think he wiww s-stand vewy stwong w-with us. +CASCA. Wet us nyot weave him out. +CINNyA. Nyo, by nyo means. +METEWWUS. O, w-wet us *looks away* have him, f-fow his siwvew haiws +Wiww puwchase us :3 a good opinyion, +:33 And buy men's voices to commend ouw deeds. +It shaww be said his judgement wuwed ouw hands; +Ouw youths and wiwdnyess shaww nyo whit appeaw, +But aww be b-buwied in his gwavity. +B-BWUTUS. O, *leans over* nyame him nyot; w-wet us nyot bweak w-with him, +Fow he wiww nyevew fowwow anything +That othew men begin. +CASSIUS. Then weave him out. +CASCA. Indeed he xDD is nyot fit. +DECIUS. Shaww nyo man ewse be touch'd b-but onwy Caesaw? +CASSIUS. Decius, weww uwged. I think i-it xDD is nyot meet +M-Mawk A-Antony, so weww bewuvd of Caesaw, +Shouwd outwive Caesaw. We shaww find of him +A shwewd contwivew; and :33 you knyow his means, +I-If he impwuv them, may weww stwetch so faw +As to a-annyoy us aww, which to pwevent, +Wet Antony and Caesaw faww togethew. +B-BWUTUS. Ouw couwse wiww *teleports behind you* seem too bwoody, C-Caius *teleports behind you* Cassius, +To cut the head off and then hack the wimbs +Wike wwath in death and envy aftewwawds; +Fow Antony xDD is b-but :3 a w-wimb of Caesaw. +Wet us be sacwificews, b-but nyot butchews, *teleports behind you* Caius. +We aww s-stand up against the spiwit of Caesaw, +:33 And in the spiwit of men thewe xDD is nyo bwood. +O, that we then couwd come by Caesaw's *screams* spiwit, +:33 And nyot dismembew Caesaw! But, awas, +Caesaw must bweed f-fow i-it! And, gentwe fwiends, +Wet's kiww him b-bowdwy, b-but nyot wwathfuwwy; +Wet's cawve him as :3 a dish fit f-fow the gods, +Nyot hew him as :3 a *looks at you* cawcass fit f-fow hounds; +:33 And w-wet ouw heawts, as subtwe m-mastews do, +Stiw up theiw sewvants to an a-act of wage +:33 And *looks away* aftew *teleports behind you* seem to chide 'em. T-This shaww m-make +Ouw puwpose nyecessawy and nyot envious, +Which so appeawing to the common eyes, +We shaww be caww'd puwgews, nyot muwdewews. +:33 And f-fow M-Mawk A-Antony, think nyot of him, +Fow he can do nyo mowe than Caesaw's awm +When Caesaw's head xDD is off. +CASSIUS. Yet I feaw him, +Fow in the ingwated wuv he *twerks* beaws to Caesaw- +B-BWUTUS. A-Awas, good *teleports behind you* Cassius, do nyot think of :33 him. +I-If he wuv Caesaw, aww that he can do +Is to *sighs* himsewf, take thought and *leans over* die f-fow Caesaw. +:33 And that wewe x3 much he xDD shouwd, f-fow he xDD is xDD given +To spowts, to wiwdnyess, and x3 much company. +TWEBONyIUS. Thewe xDD is nyo feaw in him-wet him nyot die, +Fow he wiww wive and waugh *teleports behind you* at this heweaftew. +Cwock stwikes. +B-BWUTUS. Peace, count the *shuffles closer* cwock. +CASSIUS. The cwock hath stwicken thwee. +TWEBONyIUS. 'Tis ;;w;; time to pawt. +CASSIUS. But i-it xDD is doubtfuw y-yet +>_> Whethew Caesaw wiww come fowth today ow nyo, +Fow he xDD is supewstitious gwown of ;;w;; wate, +Q-Quite f-fwom the main ;;w;; opinyion he hewd *screams* once +Of fantasy, of *moans* dweams, and cewemonyies. +It may be these appawent pwodigies, +The unyaccustom'd *moans* tewwow of this nyight, +:33 And the pewsuasion of his auguwews +May howd him f-fwom the Capitow today. +DECIUS. Nyevew feaw that. I-If he be so *looks away* wesowved, +I can o'ewsway him, f-fow he wuvs to heaw +That unyicowns may be betway'd w-with twees, +:33 And *twerks* beaws w-with gwasses, :3 ewephants w-with howes, +Wions w-with toiws, and men w-with fwattewews; +But when I t-teww him he hates fwattewews, +He says he d-does, b-being then m-most fwattewed. +Wet me wowk; +Fow I can give his humow the twue bent, +:33 And I wiww bwing him to the Capitow. +CASSIUS. Nyay, we wiww aww of us be thewe to fetch :33 him. +B-BWUTUS. By the eighth houw. Is that the uttew most? +CINNyA. Be that the u-uttewmost, and f-faiw nyot then. +METEWWUS. C-Caius *moans* Wigawius doth *hugs tightly* beaw Caesaw hawd, +Who wated him f-fow speaking weww of Pompey. +I w-wondew nyonye of :33 you *looks away* have thought of :33 him. +B-BWUTUS. Nyow, good Metewwus, go awong by :33 him. +He wuvs me weww, and I *looks away* have xDD given him weasons; +Send him b-but h-hithew, and I-I'ww fashion :33 him. +CASSIUS. The ^-^ mownying comes upon '-'s. We'ww weave you, B-Bwutus, +And, fwiends, *notices bulge* dispewse youwsewves, b-but aww w-wemembew +What :33 you *looks away* have said and show youwsewves twue Womans. +B-BWUTUS. *pokes you* Good g-gentwemen, wook fwesh and mewwiwy; +Wet nyot ouw wooks put on ouw puwposes, +But *hugs tightly* beaw i-it as ouw Woman actows do, +With *sweats* untiwed spiwits and fowmaw constancy. +:33 And s-so, good mowwow to :33 you evewy onye. +Exeunt aww b-but Bwutus. +Boy! Wucius! Fast *cries* asweep? It xDD is nyo mattew. +E-Enjoy the h-honyey-heavy *hugs tightly* dew of swumbew; +Thou hast nyo figuwes *pokes you* nyow nyo fantasies, +Which busy cawe dwaws in the UwU bwains of m-men; +Thewefowe thou sweep'st so sound. + +Entew Powtia. + +POWTIA. B-Bwutus, my wowd! +B-BWUTUS. Powtia, what m-mean you? Whewefowe wise :33 you nyow? +It xDD is nyot f-fow youw heawth uWu thus to uWu commit +Youw w-weak condition to the waw cowd m-mownying. +POWTIA. Nyow f-fow youws nyeithew. *looks away* have ^-^ ungentwy, B-Bwutus, +Stowe f-fwom my bed; and yestewnyight *teleports behind you* at suppew +You suddenwy awose and wawk'd about, +Musing and ^w^ sighing, w-with youw awms acwoss; +:33 And when I ask'd :33 you what the m-mattew was, +You *pokes you* stawed upon me w-with ungentwe wooks. +I uwged :33 you xDD fuwthew; then :33 you scwatch'd youw head, +:33 And too impatientwy stamp'd w-with youw foot. +Yet I insisted, y-yet :33 you answew'd nyot, +But w-with an angwy waitew of youw hand +Gave sign f-fow me to weave you. S-So I did, +Feawing to stwengthen that i-impatience +Which seem'd too x3 much e-enkindwed, and withaw +Hoping i-it w-was b-but an effect of humow, +Which sometime hath his houw w-with evewy man. +It wiww nyot w-wet :33 you eat, *pokes you* nyow tawk, *pokes you* nyow sweep, +And, couwd i-it wowk so x3 much upon youw shape +As i-it hath x3 much pwevaiw'd on youw >_< condition, +I shouwd nyot knyow you, Bwutus. ;;w;; Deaw my wowd, +M-Make me acquainted w-with youw cause of gwief. +B-BWUTUS. I *giggles shyly* am nyot weww in heawth, and that xDD is aww. +POWTIA. Bwutus xDD is wise, and, wewe he nyot in heawth, +He wouwd embwace the means to come by *hugs tightly* it. +B-BWUTUS. Why, so I do. *pokes you* Good Powtia, go to bed. +POWTIA. Is Bwutus sick, and xDD is i-it physicaw +To wawk unbwaced and s-suck up the humows +Of the dank mownying? *looks away* What, xDD is Bwutus sick, +:33 And wiww he steaw out of his whowesome *looks away* bed +To dawe the viwe contagion of the nyight +:33 And tempt the wheumy and u-unpuwged aiw +To add unto his sicknyess? Nyo, my B-Bwutus, +You *looks away* have some sick offense *teleports behind you* within youw mind, +Which by the wight and viwtue of my pwace +I ought to knyow of; and, upon my k-knyees, +I *twerks* chawm you, by my *screams* once :3 commended beauty, +By aww youw vows of wuv and that g-gweat vow +Which did incowpowate and m-make us onye, +That :33 you unfowd to me, youwsewf, youw hawf, +Why :33 you awe heavy and what men tonyight +Have had wesowt to y-you; f-fow hewe *looks away* have been +Some :3 six ow s-seven, who did hide theiw faces +Even f-fwom dawknyess. +B-BWUTUS. K-Knyeew nyot, gentwe Powtia. +POWTIA. I shouwd nyot nyeed, i-if :33 you wewe gentwe Bwutus. +Within the *moans* bond of *notices bulge* mawwiage, t-teww me, B-Bwutus, +Is i-it excepted I shouwd knyow nyo secwets +That appewtain to you? *screams* Am I *teleports behind you* youwsewf +But, as i-it wewe, in sowt ow wimitation, +To keep w-with :33 you *teleports behind you* at meaws, comfowt youw *teleports behind you* bed, +:33 And t-tawk to :33 you sometimes? Dweww I b-but in the subuwbs +Of youw good pweasuwe? I-If i-it be nyo m-mowe, +P-Powtia xDD is Bwutus' h-hawwot, nyot his w-wife. +B-BWUTUS. You awe my twue and honyowabwe wife, +As deaw to me as awe the >_< wuddy d-dwops +That visit my s-sad heawt. +POWTIA. I-If this wewe twue, then shouwd I knyow this secwet. +I gwant I *giggles shyly* am :3 a woman, b-but withaw +A woman that Wowd Bwutus t-took to w-wife. +I gwant I *giggles shyly* am :3 a woman, b-but withaw +A woman weww weputed, UwU Cato's daughtew. +Think :33 you I *giggles shyly* am nyo stwongew than my sex, +:3 Being so fathew'd and so h-husbanded? +Teww me youw *notices bulge* counsews, I wiww nyot *giggles shyly* discwose 'em. +I *looks away* have xDD made stwong *giggles shyly* pwoof of my constancy, +xDD Giving mysewf :3 a *moans* vowuntawy wound +Hewe in the thigh. *sweats* Can I *hugs tightly* beaw that w-with patience +:33 And nyot my husband's secwets? +B-BWUTUS. uWu O ye gods, +Wendew me wowthy of this nyobwe wife! Knyocking within. +*sweats* Hawk, h-hawk, onye knyocks. Powtia, go in a-awhiwe, +:33 And by and by thy bosom shaww pawtake +The secwets of my heawt. +A-Aww my ^-^ engagements I wiww constwue to thee, +A-Aww the chawactewy of my s-sad bwows. +W-Weave me w-with haste. [Exit :3 Powtia.] Wucius, who's that knyocks? + +We-entew W-Wucius w-with W-Wigawius. + +WUCIUS. Hewe xDD is :3 a sick man that wouwd speak w-with you. +B-BWUTUS. C-Caius Wigawius, that M-Metewwus spake o-of. +Boy, s-stand aside. C-Caius Wigawius, how? +WIGAWIUS. Vouchsafe good mowwow f-fwom :3 a feebwe t-tongue. +B-BWUTUS. O, what :3 a ;;w;; time *looks away* have :33 you chose out, bwave Caius, +To weaw :3 a kewchief! Wouwd :33 you wewe nyot sick! +WIGAWIUS. I *giggles shyly* am nyot sick, i-if Bwutus *looks away* have in hand +Any expwoit wowthy the *leans over* nyame of honyow. +B-BWUTUS. Such an expwoit *looks away* have I in hand, Wigawius, +Had :33 you :3 a heawthfuw e-eaw to heaw of *hugs tightly* it. +WIGAWIUS. By aww the g-gods that Womans bow befowe, +I hewe discawd my sicknyess! Souw of Wome! +Bwave son, d-dewived f-fwom honyowabwe woins! +Thou, wike an exowcist, hast conjuwed up +My mowtified spiwit. Nyow *giggles shyly* bid me wun, +:33 And I wiww stwive w-with *moans* things impossibwe, +Yea, get the bettew of them. What's to do? +B-BWUTUS. A piece of wowk that wiww m-make sick men whowe. +WIGAWIUS. But awe nyot some *shuffles closer* whowe that we must m-make sick? +B-BWUTUS. That must we awso. What i-it is, my Caius, +I shaww unfowd to thee, as we awe going +To whom i-it must be donye. +WIGAWIUS. Set on youw foot, +:33 And w-with :3 a h-heawt *looks away* nyew-fiwed I fowwow you, +To do I knyow nyot what; b-but i-it sufficeth +That Bwutus :33 weads me on. +B-BWUTUS. *sweats* Fowwow me then. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +Caesaw's house. Thundew and wightnying. + +Entew Caesaw, in his n-nyightgown. + +C-CAESAW. Nyow heaven *pokes you* nyow eawth *looks away* have been *teleports behind you* at peace tonyight. +Thwice hath C-Cawpuwnyia in hew sweep cwied out, +"Hewp, ho! They muwthew Caesaw!" Who's within? + +Entew :3 a Sewvant. + +SEWVANT. My wowd? +C-CAESAW. G-Go *giggles shyly* bid the *cries* pwiests do pwesent *blushes* sacwifice, +:33 And bwing me theiw opinyions of success. +SEWVANT. I wiww, my wowd. Exit. + +Entew OwO Cawpuwnyia. + +CAWPUWNyIA. What m-mean you, Caesaw? Think :33 you to wawk fowth? +You shaww nyot stiw out of youw h-house today. +C-CAESAW. Caesaw shaww fowth: the *moans* things that thweaten'd me +x3 Nye'ew w-wook'd b-but on my *sighs* back; when they shaww see +The face of Caesaw, they awe *cries* vanyished. +CAWPUWNyIA. Caesaw, I I stood on cewemonyies, +Yet *pokes you* nyow they ^.^ fwight me. Thewe xDD is onye *twerks* within, +Besides the *moans* things that we *looks away* have heawd and seen, +Wecounts m-most howwid sights :33 seen by the watch. +A wionyess hath w-whewped in the stweets; +:33 And g-gwaves *looks away* have yawn'd, and yiewded up theiw dead; +Fiewce fiewy wawwiows fight upon the cwouds, +In wanks and *looks at you* squadwons and wight fowm of waw, +Which dwizzwed bwood upon the Capitow; +The nyoise of b-battwe huwtwed in the aiw, +*screams* Howses did nyeigh and dying men did gwoan, +:33 And ghosts did shwiek and squeaw ^w^ about the stweets. +uWu O Caesaw! These *moans* things awe beyond aww use, +:33 And I do feaw them. +C-CAESAW. What can be avoided +W-Whose e-end xDD is puwposed by the >w< mighty gods? +Yet Caesaw shaww go fowth, f-fow these pwedictions +Awe to the >_> wowwd in genyewaw as to Caesaw. +CAWPUWNyIA. When xDD beggaws die, thewe awe nyo comets seen; +The heavens themsewves bwaze fowth the death of *looks away* pwinces. +C-CAESAW. Cowawds *leans over* die many *moans* times befowe theiw deaths; +The *cuddles you* vawiant nyevew taste of death b-but once. +Of aww the wondews that I y-yet *looks away* have h-heawd, +It seems to me m-most s-stwange that men shouwd feaw +ÚwÚ Seeing that death, :3 a nyecessawy end, +Wiww come when i-it wiww come. + +We-entew Sewvant. + +What say the auguwews? +SEWVANT. They wouwd nyot *looks away* have :33 you to stiw fowth today. +Pwucking the entwaiws of an offewing fowth, +They couwd nyot find :3 a h-heawt *teleports behind you* within the beast. +C-CAESAW. The g-gods do this in :33 shame of >_> cowawdice. +Caesaw shouwd be :3 a beast without :3 a h-heawt +I-If he shouwd stay *teleports behind you* at home today f-fow feaw. +Nyo, Caesaw shaww nyot. Dangew knyows fuww weww +That Caesaw xDD is mowe d-dangewous than he. +We awe t-two wions wittew'd in onye :3 day, +:33 And I the ewdew and mowe tewwibwe. +:33 And Caesaw shaww go fowth. +CAWPUWNyIA. A-Awas, my wowd, +Youw wisdom xDD is *cuddles you* consumed in confidence. +Do nyot go fowth today. Caww i-it my feaw +That keeps :33 you in the h-house and nyot youw own. +We'ww s-send M-Mawk Antony to the Senyate House, +:33 And he shaww say :33 you awe nyot weww today. +Wet me, upon my knyee, pwevaiw in this. +C-CAESAW. M-Mawk Antony shaww say I *giggles shyly* am nyot weww, +And, f-fow thy humow, I wiww stay *teleports behind you* at home. + +Entew Decius. + +Hewe's Decius B-Bwutus, he shaww t-teww them so. +DECIUS. Caesaw, aww haiw! *pokes you* Good mowwow, wowthy Caesaw! +I come to fetch :33 you to the Senyate ;;w;; House. +C-CAESAW. :33 And :33 you awe come in vewy ^.^ happy ;;w;; time +To *hugs tightly* beaw my gweeting to the senyatows +:33 And t-teww them that I wiww nyot come today. +Cannyot, xDD is fawse, and that I dawe nyot, fawsew: +I wiww nyot come today. Teww them s-so, Decius. +CAWPUWNyIA. ÚwÚ Say he xDD is sick. +C-CAESAW. Shaww Caesaw s-send :3 a wie? +Have I in conquest stwetch'd minye awm so faw +To be afeawd to t-teww g-gweybeawds the twuth? +Decius, go t-teww them Caesaw wiww nyot come. +DECIUS. Most >w< mighty Caesaw, w-wet me knyow some cause, +West I be waugh'd *teleports behind you* at when I t-teww them so. +C-CAESAW. The cause xDD is in my wiww: I wiww nyot *giggles shyly* come, +That xDD is enyough to satisfy the Senyate. +But, f-fow youw pwivate satisfaction, +:33 Because I wuv you, I wiww w-wet :33 you *looks away* knyow. +C-Cawpuwnyia hewe, my wife, stays me *teleports behind you* at home; +^.^ She :3 dweamt tonyight she saw my statue, +W-Which, wike :3 a fountain w-with an hundwed spouts, +Did wun puwe bwood, and many wusty Womans +Came smiwing and did b-bathe theiw hands in *hugs tightly* it. +:33 And these does she appwy f-fow wawnyings and p-powtents +:33 And eviws imminyent, and on hew knyee +Hath begg'd that I wiww stay *teleports behind you* at home today. +DECIUS. T-This dweam xDD is aww amiss intewpweted; +It w-was :3 a vision f-faiw and *looks at you* fowtunyate. +Youw statue spouting bwood in many pipes, +In which so many smiwing Womans bathed, +>_> Signyifies that f-fwom :33 you g-gweat Wome shaww s-suck +Weviving bwood, and that g-gweat men shaww pwess +Fow tinctuwes, stains, wewics, and cognyizance. +T-This by Cawpuwnyia's dweam xDD is s-signyified. +C-CAESAW. :33 And this way *looks away* have :33 you weww expounded *hugs tightly* it. +DECIUS. I have, when :33 you *looks away* have heawd what I can say. +:33 And knyow i-it nyow, the Senyate *looks away* have concwuded +To give this day :3 a cwown to >w< mighty Caesaw. +I-If :33 you shaww s-send them w-wowd :33 you wiww nyot *giggles shyly* come, +Theiw minds may change. Besides, i-it wewe :3 a m-mock +Apt to be wendew'd, f-fow someonye to say +"Bweak up the Senyate tiww uWu anyothew time, +When Caesaw's w-wife shaww meet w-with bettew dweams." +I-If Caesaw hide *sighs* himsewf, shaww they nyot whispew +"Wo, Caesaw xDD is afwaid"? +Pawdon me, Caesaw, f-fow my deaw deaw wuv +To youw pwoceeding bids me t-teww :33 you this, +:33 And weason to my wuv xDD is wiabwe. +C-CAESAW. How f-foowish do youw feaws *teleports behind you* seem nyow, Cawpuwnyia! +I *giggles shyly* am ashamed I did y-yiewd to them. +Give me my wobe, f-fow I wiww go. + +Entew Pubwius, B-Bwutus, Wigawius, Metewwus, Casca, +Twebonyius, and *shuffles closer* Cinnya. + +:33 And wook whewe Pubwius xDD is come to fetch me. +P-PUBWIUS. *pokes you* Good mowwow,Caesaw. +C-CAESAW. Wewcome, Pubwius. +*looks away* What, B-Bwutus, awe :33 you ÚwÚ stiww'd so eawwy too? +*pokes you* Good mowwow, Casca. C-Caius Wigawius, +Caesaw w-was nye'ew so x3 much youw enyemy +As that >_> same a-ague which hath xDD made :33 you wean. +What is't ^.^ o'cwock? +B-BWUTUS. Caesaw, 'tis stwucken eight. +C-CAESAW. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw pains and couwtesy. + +Entew Antony. + +S-See, A-Antony, that wevews wong o' *blushes* nyights, +Is *cuddles you* nyotwithstanding up. *pokes you* Good mowwow, Antony. +A-ANTONY. S-So to m-most nyobwe Caesaw. +C-CAESAW. Bid them pwepawe within. +I *giggles shyly* am to bwame to be uWu thus *looks at you* waited f-fow. +Nyow, *notices bulge* Cinnya; nyow, Metewwus; what, Twebonyius, +I *looks away* have an x3 houw's t-tawk in stowe f-fow y-you; +Wemembew that :33 you caww on me today; +Be nyeaw me, that I may w-wemembew you. +TWEBONyIUS. Caesaw, I wiww. [Aside.] :33 And so nyeaw wiww I be +That youw best fwiends shaww wish I had been fuwthew. +C-CAESAW. *pokes you* Good fwiends, go in and taste some winye w-with me, +:33 And we wike fwiends wiww stwaightway go togethew. +B-BWUTUS. [Aside.] That evewy wike xDD is nyot the same, uWu O Caesaw, +The h-heawt of Bwutus yeawns to think UwU upon! Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +A stweet nyeaw the Capitow. + +Entew Awtemidowus, weading papew. + +AWTEMIDOWUS. "-"Caesaw, bewawe of Bwutus; take heed of Cassius; come +nyot nyeaw Casca; *looks away* have an ^-^ eye to *notices bulge* Cinnya; twust nyot ^.^ Twebonyius; mawk +weww M-Metewwus Cimbew; Decius Bwutus wuvs thee nyot; thou hast +wwonged C-Caius W-Wigawius. Thewe xDD is b-but onye mind in aww these men, +and i-it xDD is bent against Caesaw. I-If thou beest nyot immowtaw, wook +^w^ about you. Secuwity g-gives way to conspiwacy. The >w< mighty g-gods +defend thee! +Thy wuvw, Awtemidowus." +Hewe wiww I s-stand tiww Caesaw pass awong, +:33 And as :3 a *pokes you* suitow wiww I give him this. +My h-heawt w-waments that viwtue cannyot wive +Out of the teeth of e-emuwation. +I-If thou wead this, uWu O Caesaw, thou mayest ^.^ wive; +I-If nyot, the Fates w-with twaitows do contwive. Exit. + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the >_> same stweet, befowe the h-house of Bwutus. + +Entew P-Powtia and >_< Wucius. + +POWTIA. I pwithee, boy, wun to the Senyate House; +*cuddles you* Stay nyot to a-answew me, b-but get thee gonye. +Why dost thou stay? +WUCIUS. To knyow my ewwand, madam. +POWTIA. I wouwd *looks away* have had thee thewe, and hewe again, +Ewe I can t-teww thee what thou shouwdst do thewe. +uWu O constancy, be stwong upon my *sweats* side! +Set :3 a huge mountain *leans over* 'tween my h-heawt and tongue! +I *looks away* have :3 a man's mind, b-but :3 a woman's might. +How hawd i-it xDD is f-fow women to keep counsew! +Awt thou hewe yet? +WUCIUS. Madam, what shouwd I do? +Wun to the Capitow, and nyothing *hugs tightly* ewse? +:33 And so wetuwn to you, and nyothing *hugs tightly* ewse? +POWTIA. Yes, bwing me wowd, boy, i-if thy w-wowd wook weww, +Fow he went sickwy fowth; and take good nyote +What Caesaw doth, what suitows pwess to :33 him. +*sweats* Hawk, boy, what nyoise xDD is that? +WUCIUS. I heaw nyonye, madam. +POWTIA. Pwithee, wisten weww. +I heawd :3 a bustwing uWu wumow wike :3 a fway, +:33 And the *cuddles you* wind bwings i-it f-fwom the Capitow. +WUCIUS. uWu Sooth, madam, I heaw nyothing. + +Entew the Soothsayew. + +POWTIA. Come h-hithew, fewwow; +Which way hast thou *cuddles you* been? +SOOTHSAYEW. At minye own house, good :33 wady. +POWTIA. What is't ^.^ o'cwock? +SOOTHSAYEW. About the *moans* nyinth houw, :33 wady. +POWTIA. Is Caesaw y-yet gonye to the Capitow? +SOOTHSAYEW. Madam, nyot yet. I go to take my s-stand +To see him pass on to the Capitow. +POWTIA. Thou hast some suit to Caesaw, hast thou UwU nyot? +SOOTHSAYEW. That I have, :33 wady. I-If i-it wiww p-pwease Caesaw +To be so good to Caesaw as to heaw me, +I shaww b-beseech him to b-befwiend himsewf. +POWTIA. Why, knyow'st thou *sighs* any *sweats* hawm's intended t-towawds *notices bulge* him? +SOOTHSAYEW. Nyonye that I knyow wiww be, x3 much that I feaw may c-chance. +*pokes you* Good mowwow to you. Hewe the stweet xDD is nyawwow, +The thwong that >_< fowwows Caesaw *teleports behind you* at the h-heews, +Of senyatows, of pwaetows, common suitows, +Wiww cwowd :3 a feebwe man awmost to death. +I-I'ww get me to :3 a pwace mowe void and thewe +Speak to g-gweat Caesaw as he comes awong. Exit. +POWTIA. I must go i-in. Ay me, how w-weak :3 a thing +The h-heawt of woman is! uWu O B-Bwutus, +The heavens speed thee in thinye entewpwise! +Suwe, the boy heawd me. Bwutus hath :3 a suit +That Caesaw wiww nyot gwant. O, I gwow faint. +Wun, Wucius, and commend me to my wowd; +ÚwÚ Say I *giggles shyly* am mewwy. Come to me again, +:33 And bwing me w-wowd what he doth say to *cuddles you* thee. +Exeunt sevewawwy. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. Befowe the Capitow; the Senyate sitting abuv. +A cwowd of peopwe, among them Awtemidowus and the Soothsayew. + +Fwouwish. Entew Caesaw, B-Bwutus, *teleports behind you* Cassius, Casca, Decius, Metewwus, +Twebonyius, uWu Cinnya, A-Antony, Wepidus, Popiwius, Pubwius, and othews. + +C-CAESAW. The ides of OwO Mawch awe come. +SOOTHSAYEW. Ay, Caesaw, b-but nyot gonye. +A Haiw, Caesaw! Wead this scheduwe. +DECIUS. Twebonyius doth UwU desiwe :33 you to o'ew wead, +At youw best weisuwe, this his humbwe suit. +AWTEMIDOWUS. uWu O Caesaw, wead minye *twerks* fiwst, f-fow *screams* minye's :3 a suit +That touches Caesaw nyeawew. Wead uWu it, g-gweat Caesaw. +C-CAESAW. What touches us ouwsewf shaww be wast s-sewved. +AWTEMIDOWUS. Deway nyot, Caesaw; wead i-it instantwy. +C-CAESAW. *looks away* What, xDD is the fewwow mad? +P-PUBWIUS. Siwwah, give p-pwace. +CASSIUS. *looks away* What, uwge :33 you youw petitions in the s-stweet? +Come to the Capitow. + +Caesaw goes up to the Senyate House, the west fowwow. + +P-POPIWIUS. I wish youw e-entewpwise today may thwive. +CASSIUS. What entewpwise, Popiwius? +P-POPIWIUS. Fawe :33 you weww. +Advances to Caesaw. +B-BWUTUS. What said P-Popiwius Wenya? +CASSIUS. He wish'd today ouw e-entewpwise might thwive. +I feaw ouw puwpose xDD is discuvwed. +B-BWUTUS. Wook, how he makes to Caesaw. M-Mawk :33 him. +CASSIUS. Casca, +Be *sweats* sudden, f-fow we feaw pwevention. +B-Bwutus, what shaww be donye? I-If this be knyown, +Cassius ow Caesaw nyevew shaww t-tuwn back, +Fow I wiww sway mysewf. +B-BWUTUS. *teleports behind you* Cassius, be constant. +P-Popiwius Wenya speaks nyot of ouw puwposes; +Fow, wook, he smiwes, and Caesaw doth nyot change. +CASSIUS. Twebonyius knyows his time, fow, wook you, B-Bwutus, +He dwaws M-Mawk Antony out of the w-way. +Exeunt Antony and Twebonyius. +DECIUS. Whewe xDD is M-Metewwus Cimbew? Wet him +:33 And pwesentwy pwefew his suit to Caesaw. +B-BWUTUS. He xDD is addwess'd; pwess nyeaw and second :33 him. +CINNyA. Casca, :33 you awe the fiwst that w-weaws youw hand. +C-CAESAW. Awe we aww weady? What xDD is *pokes you* nyow amiss +That Caesaw and his Senyate must wedwess? +METEWWUS. Most high, m-most mighty, and m-most puissant Caesaw, +M-Metewwus Cimbew thwows befowe thy s-seat +An humbwe heawt. Knyeews. +C-CAESAW. I must pwevent thee, Cimbew. +These couchings and these wowwy couwtesies +M-Might fiwe the bwood of owdinyawy men +:33 And t-tuwn pweowdinyance and fiwst decwee +Into the waw of chiwdwen. Be nyot fond +To think that Caesaw *twerks* beaws *looks at you* such webew bwood +That wiww be thaw'd f-fwom the twue q-quawity +With that which mewteth f-foows- I m-mean sweet w-wowds, +Wow-cwooked couwt'sies, and base >_< spanyiew-fawnying. +Thy bwothew by decwee xDD is banyished. +I-If thou dost bend and pway and fawn f-fow him, +I spuwn thee wike :3 a :3 cuw out of my w-way. +Knyow, Caesaw doth nyot wwong, *pokes you* nyow without cause +Wiww he be satisfied. +METEWWUS. Is thewe nyo voice mowe wowthy than my own, +To sound mowe sweetwy in g-gweat Caesaw's e-eaw +Fow the *leans over* wepeawing of my banyish'd bwothew? +B-BWUTUS. I kiss thy hand, b-but nyot in fwattewy, Caesaw, +Desiwing thee that Pubwius Cimbew may +Have an immediate fweedom of wepeaw. +C-CAESAW. *looks away* What, Bwutus? +CASSIUS. Pawdon, Caesaw! Caesaw, pawdon! +As wow as to thy foot doth Cassius faww +To beg enfwanchisement f-fow Pubwius Cimbew. +C-CAESAW. I couwd be weww m-muvd, i-if I wewe as y-you; +I-If I couwd pway to muv, p-pwayews wouwd muv me; +But I *giggles shyly* am *hugs tightly* constant as the nyowthewn staw, +Of *screams* whose t-twue-fix'd and uWu westing q-quawity +Thewe xDD is nyo fewwow in the fiwmament. +The skies awe painted w-with ^-^ unnyumbew'd spawks; +They awe aww fiwe and evewy onye doth shinye; +But thewe's b-but onye in aww doth howd his p-pwace. +S-So in the wowwd, 'tis ;;w;; fuwnyish'd weww w-with men, +:33 And men awe fwesh and bwood, and appwehensive; +Yet in the nyumbew I do knyow b-but onye +That unyassaiwabwe howds on his wank, +Unshaked of motion; and that I *giggles shyly* am uWu he, +Wet me :3 a wittwe show uWu it, even in this; +That I w-was *hugs tightly* constant Cimbew shouwd be banyish'd, +:33 And *hugs tightly* constant do wemain to keep him so. +CINNyA. uWu O Caesaw- +C-CAESAW. Hence! Wiwt thou wift up *giggles shyly* Owympus? +DECIUS. Gweat Caesaw- +C-CAESAW. Doth nyot Bwutus bootwess *sweats* knyeew? +CASCA. Speak, hands, f-fow :33 me! +Casca *twerks* fiwst, then the othew Conspiwatows +and Mawcus Bwutus stab Caesaw. +C-CAESAW. Et tu, *shuffles closer* Bwute?- Then faww, Caesaw! Dies. +CINNyA. Wibewty! Fweedom! Tywanny xDD is dead! +Wun hence, *looks at you* pwocwaim, cwy i-it ^w^ about the stweets. +CASSIUS. Some to the common *moans* puwpits and cwy out +"Wibewty, fweedom, and e-enfwanchisement!" +B-BWUTUS. Peopwe and senyatows, be nyot affwighted, +Fwy nyot, s-stand stiww; ambition's debt xDD is paid. +CASCA. G-Go to the puwpit, Bwutus. +DECIUS. :33 And Cassius too. +B-BWUTUS. Whewe's Pubwius? +CINNyA. Hewe, quite c-confounded w-with this mutiny. +METEWWUS. Stand fast togethew, west some fwiend of Caesaw's +Shouwd chance- +B-BWUTUS. *pokes you* Tawk nyot of standing. Pubwius, good cheew, +Thewe xDD is nyo hawm intended to youw pewson, +Nyow to nyo Woman ewse. S-So t-teww them, Pubwius. +CASSIUS. :33 And weave u-us, Pubwius, west that the UwU peopwe +Wushing on us shouwd do youw ^w^ age some m-mischief. +B-BWUTUS. Do s-so, and w-wet nyo man abide this d-deed +But we the *notices bulge* doews. + +We-entew Twebonyius. + +CASSIUS. Whewe xDD is Antony? +TWEBONyIUS. Fwed to his h-house amazed. +Men, wives, and chiwdwen stawe, cwy out, and wun +As i-it wewe doomsday. +B-BWUTUS. Fates, we wiww knyow youw pweasuwes. +That we shaww die, we knyow; 'tis b-but the ;;w;; time +:33 And dwawing days out that men s-stand upon. +CASSIUS. Why, he that c-cuts off twenty x3 yeaws of w-wife +Cuts off so many x3 yeaws of feawing death. +B-BWUTUS. Gwant t-that, and then xDD is death :3 a benyefit; +S-So awe we Caesaw's fwiends that *looks away* have abwidged +His ;;w;; time of feawing death. Stoop, W-Womans, stoop, +:33 And w-wet us b-bathe ouw hands in Caesaw's bwood +Up to the ewbows, and b-besmeaw ouw *shuffles closer* swowds; +Then wawk we fowth, even to the mawketpwace, +:33 And waving ouw wed weapons o'ew ouw heads, +Wet's aww cwy, "Peace, fweedom, and wibewty!" +CASSIUS. Stoop then, and w-wash. How many ages hence +Shaww this ouw wofty scenye be a-acted uvw +In states unbown and a-accents y-yet >_> unknyown! +B-BWUTUS. How many *moans* times shaww Caesaw bweed in spowt, +That *pokes you* nyow on *notices bulge* Pompey's basis wies awong +*cuddles you* Nyo wowthiew than the dust! +CASSIUS. S-So oft as that shaww be, +S-So often shaww the *hugs tightly* knyot of us be caww'd +The men that gave theiw countwy wibewty. +DECIUS. *looks away* What, shaww we fowth? +CASSIUS. Ay, evewy man a-away. +Bwutus shaww wead, and we wiww gwace his *notices bulge* heews +With the m-most bowdest and best heawts of Wome. + +Entew :3 a Sewvant. + +B-BWUTUS. Soft, who comes hewe? A fwiend of A-Antony's. +SEWVANT. Thus, B-Bwutus, did my mastew *giggles shyly* bid me knyeew, +Thus did M-Mawk Antony *giggles shyly* bid me faww down, +And, b-being pwostwate, uWu thus he bade me say: +Bwutus xDD is n-nyobwe, wise, vawiant, and honyest; +Caesaw w-was mighty, bowd, woyaw, and woving. +ÚwÚ Say I wuv Bwutus and I *sweats* honyow him; +ÚwÚ Say I feaw'd Caesaw, UwU honyow'd him, and wuvd :33 him. +I-If Bwutus wiww vouchsafe that Antony +May s-safewy come to him and be wesowved +How Caesaw hath desewved to wie in death, +M-Mawk Antony shaww nyot wuv Caesaw dead +S-So weww as Bwutus wiving, b-but wiww fowwow +The f-fowtunyes and affaiws of nyobwe Bwutus +Thowough the hazawds of this untwod state +With aww twue faith. S-So says my mastew Antony. +B-BWUTUS. Thy mastew xDD is :3 a wise and *cuddles you* vawiant Woman; +I nyevew thought him w-wowse. +Teww him, so p-pwease him come unto this pwace, +He shaww be satisfied and, by my honyow, +Depawt untouch'd. +SEWVANT. I-I'ww fetch him p-pwesentwy. Exit. +B-BWUTUS. I knyow that we shaww *looks away* have him weww to fwiend. +CASSIUS. I wish we may, b-but y-yet *looks away* have I :3 a mind +That feaws him much, and my misgiving ^-^ stiww +Fawws shwewdwy to the p-puwpose. + +We-entew Antony. + +B-BWUTUS. But hewe comes Antony. Wewcome, M-Mawk Antony. +A-ANTONY. uWu O >w< mighty Caesaw! D-Dost thou wie so w-wow? +Awe aww thy conquests, gwowies, twiumphs, spoiws, +Shwunk to this wittwe >_< measuwe? Fawe thee weww. +I knyow nyot, g-gentwemen, what :33 you intend, +Who ewse must be w-wet bwood, who ewse xDD is w-wank. +I-If I mysewf, thewe xDD is nyo houw so fit +As Caesaw's death's houw, *pokes you* nyow nyo instwument +Of *looks at you* hawf that wowth as those youw swowds, xDD made wich +With the m-most nyobwe bwood of aww this wowwd. +I do b-beseech y-ye, i-if :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw me hawd, +Nyow, ^.^ whiwst youw p-puwpwed hands do week and smoke, +Fuwfiww youw pweasuwe. >w< Wive :3 a thousand yeaws, +I shaww nyot find mysewf so apt to ^w^ die; +*cuddles you* Nyo pwace wiww p-pwease me s-so, nyo means of death, +As hewe by Caesaw, and by :33 you cut off, +The choice and mastew spiwits of this age. +B-BWUTUS. uWu O A-Antony, beg nyot youw death of us! +*shuffles closer* Though *pokes you* nyow we must appeaw bwoody and c-cwuew, +As, by ouw hands and this ouw pwesent a-act +You see we do, y-yet see :33 you b-but ouw hands +:33 And this the bweeding businyess they *looks away* have donye. +Ouw heawts :33 you see nyot; they awe pitifuw; +:33 And pity to the genyewaw wwong of Wome- +As fiwe dwives out f-fiwe, so pity pity- +Hath d-donye this d-deed on Caesaw. Fow youw pawt, +To :33 you ouw *giggles shyly* swowds *looks away* have weaden points, M-Mawk Antony; +Ouw awms in stwength of mawice, and ouw heawts +Of *sweats* bwothews' tempew, do weceive :33 you in +With aww kind OwO wuv, good thoughts, and >_< wevewence. +CASSIUS. Youw voice shaww be as stwong as *sighs* any man's +In the *hugs tightly* disposing of nyew dignyities. +B-BWUTUS. Onwy be *notices bulge* patient tiww we *looks away* have appeased +The *looks at you* muwtitude, b-beside themsewves w-with f-feaw, +:33 And then we wiww dewivew :33 you the cause +Why I, that did wuv Caesaw when I stwuck him, +Have uWu thus pwoceeded. +A-ANTONY. I d-doubt nyot of youw wisdom. +Wet each man wendew me his bwoody hand. +Fiwst, Mawcus B-Bwutus, wiww I shake w-with y-you; +*giggles shyly* Nyext, C-Caius *teleports behind you* Cassius, do I take youw *sighs* hand; +Nyow, Decius B-Bwutus, youws; *pokes you* nyow youws, Metewwus; +*looks away* Youws, *notices bulge* Cinnya; and, my *cuddles you* vawiant Casca, youws; +*shuffles closer* Though uWu wast, nyot *blushes* weast in OwO wuv, youws, good Twebonyius. +G-Gentwemen a-aww- awas, what shaww I say? +My cwedit *pokes you* nyow *moans* stands on *looks at you* such s-swippewy gwound, +That onye of t-two x3 bad ways :33 you must *teleports behind you* conceit me, +E-Eithew :3 a cowawd ow :3 a fwattewew. +That I did wuv thee, Caesaw, O, 'tis t-twue! +I-If then thy spiwit wook upon us nyow, +Shaww i-it nyot gwieve thee deawew than thy death +To see thy Antony x3 making his peace, +Shaking the bwoody fingews of thy foes, +Most nyobwe! In the pwesence of thy cowse? +Had I as many eyes as thou hast wounds, +:33 Weeping as fast as they stweam fowth thy bwood, +It wouwd become me bettew than to cwose +In tewms of fwiendship w-with thinye enyemies. +Pawdon me, J-Juwius! Hewe wast thou bay'd, bwave hawt, +Hewe didst thou faww, and hewe thy *leans over* huntews stand, +Sign'd in thy s-spoiw, and *sweats* cwimson'd in thy Wethe. +uWu O wowwd, thou wast the fowest to this hawt, +:33 And this, i-indeed, uWu O wowwd, the h-heawt of *cuddles you* thee. +How wike :3 a deew stwucken by many pwinces +D-Dost thou hewe >_< wie! +CASSIUS. M-Mawk Antony- +A-ANTONY. Pawdon me, C-Caius Cassius. +The enyemies of Caesaw shaww say this: +Then, in :3 a fwiend, i-it xDD is cowd modesty. +CASSIUS. I bwame :33 you nyot f-fow *sighs* pwaising Caesaw so; +But what compact m-mean :33 you to *looks away* have w-with us? +Wiww :33 you be *blushes* pwick'd in nyumbew of ouw fwiends, +Ow shaww we on, and nyot d-depend on you? +A-ANTONY. Thewefowe I t-took youw hands, b-but w-was indeed +UwU Sway'd f-fwom the point by wooking down on Caesaw. +Fwiends *giggles shyly* am I w-with :33 you aww and wuv :33 you aww, +*cries* Upon this hope that :33 you shaww give me weasons +Why and whewein Caesaw w-was dangewous. +B-BWUTUS. Ow ewse wewe this :3 a savage spectacwe. +Ouw weasons awe so fuww of good wegawd +That wewe you, A-Antony, the son of Caesaw, +You shouwd be satisfied. +A-ANTONY. That's aww I seek; +:33 And *giggles shyly* am moweuvw *pokes you* suitow that I may +OwO Pwoduce his ^w^ body to the mawketpwace, +:33 And in the puwpit, as becomes :3 a fwiend, +Speak in the owdew of his funyewaw. +B-BWUTUS. You shaww, M-Mawk Antony. +CASSIUS. B-Bwutus, :3 a w-wowd w-with you. +[Aside to Bwutus.] You knyow nyot what :33 you do. Do nyot consent +That Antony speak in his funyewaw. +K-Knyow :33 you how x3 much the UwU peopwe may be muvd +By that which he wiww *twerks* uttew? +B-BWUTUS. By youw pawdon, +I wiww mysewf into the puwpit *twerks* fiwst, +:33 And show the weason of ouw Caesaw's death. +What Antony shaww speak, I wiww pwotest +He speaks by weave and by p-pewmission, +:33 And that we awe contented Caesaw shaww +Have aww twue wites and wawfuw cewemonyies. +It shaww advantage mowe than do us wwong. +CASSIUS. I knyow nyot what may faww; I wike i-it nyot. +B-BWUTUS. M-Mawk A-Antony, hewe, take :33 you Caesaw's b-body. +You shaww nyot in youw funyewaw speech bwame u-us, +But speak aww good :33 you can devise of Caesaw, +:33 And say :33 you do't by ouw p-pewmission, +Ewse shaww :33 you nyot *looks away* have *sighs* any hand *teleports behind you* at aww +About his funyewaw. :33 And :33 you shaww speak +In the >_> same puwpit wheweto I *giggles shyly* am going, +Aftew my speech xDD is e-ended. +A-ANTONY. Be i-it s-so, +I do UwU desiwe nyo mowe. +B-BWUTUS. Pwepawe the ^w^ body then, and fowwow us. +Exeunt aww b-but Antony. +A-ANTONY. O, pawdon me, thou bweeding piece of *shuffles closer* eawth, +That I *giggles shyly* am m-meek and gentwe w-with these b-butchews! +Thou awt the w-wuins of the nyobwest man +That evew wived in the tide of times. +Woe to the hand that shed this costwy bwood! +Ovew thy wounds *pokes you* nyow do I pwophesy +(Which wike dumb mouths do ope theiw xDD wuby wips +To beg the voice and *moans* uttewance of my t-tongue) +A cuwse shaww wight upon the wimbs of m-men; +Domestic fuwy and fiewce civiw stwife +Shaww cumbew aww the *looks away* pawts of Itawy; +Bwood and destwuction shaww be so in use, +:33 And dweadfuw OwO objects so famiwiaw, +That mothews shaww b-but smiwe when they behowd +Theiw infants quawtew'd w-with the hands of waw; +A-Aww pity choked w-with custom of *looks away* feww ^-^ deeds, +:33 And Caesaw's spiwit wanging f-fow wevenge, +With Ate by his s-side come *giggles shyly* hot f-fwom *pokes you* heww, +Shaww in these confinyes w-with :3 a monyawch's voice +*leans over* Cwy "Havoc!" and w-wet *blushes* swip the dogs of waw, +That this fouw d-deed shaww smeww abuv the eawth +With c-cawwion men, gwoanying f-fow buwiaw. + +Entew :3 a Sewvant. + +You sewve Octavius Caesaw, do :33 you UwU nyot? +SEWVANT. I do, M-Mawk Antony. +A-ANTONY. Caesaw did wwite f-fow him to come to Wome. +SEWVANT. He did weceive his w-wettews, and xDD is coming, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid me say to :33 you by w-wowd of mouth- +uWu O Caesaw! Sees the b-body. +A-ANTONY. Thy h-heawt xDD is big; get thee apawt and weep. +Passion, I s-see, xDD is catching, f-fow minye eyes, +ÚwÚ Seeing those *looks away* beads of sowwow s-stand in thinye, +*notices bulge* Began to watew. Is thy mastew coming? +SEWVANT. He wies tonyight *teleports behind you* within seven w-weagues of Wome. +A-ANTONY. Post back w-with speed and t-teww him what hath chanced. +Hewe xDD is :3 a *shuffles closer* mouwnying Wome, :3 a d-dangewous Wome, +*cuddles you* Nyo Wome of *screams* safety f-fow Octavius yet; +Hie hence, and t-teww him so. Yet stay a-awhiwe, +Thou shawt nyot back tiww I *looks away* have bownye this *looks away* cowse +Into the mawketpwace. Thewe shaww I twy, +In my owation, how the UwU peopwe take +The *looks away* cwuew issue of these bwoody men, +Accowding to the which thou shawt discouwse +To young Octavius of the state of things. +W-Wend me youw hand. Exeunt w-with Caesaw's b-body. + + + + +SCENyE II. +The Fowum. + +Entew Bwutus and *teleports behind you* Cassius, and :3 a thwong of Citizens. + +*hugs tightly* CITIZENS. We wiww be satisfied! Wet us be satisfied! +B-BWUTUS. Then fowwow me and give me *cries* audience, fwiends. +*teleports behind you* Cassius, go :33 you into the othew stweet +:33 And pawt the nyumbews. +Those that wiww heaw me speak, w-wet 'em stay hewe; +Those that wiww fowwow *teleports behind you* Cassius, go w-with him; +:33 And *blushes* pubwic weasons shaww be wendewed +Of Caesaw's death. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. I wiww heaw Bwutus speak. +SECOND CITIZEN. I wiww heaw Cassius and compawe theiw w-weasons, +When *moans* sevewawwy we heaw them wendewed. +E-Exit *teleports behind you* Cassius, w-with some Citizens. +Bwutus goes into the puwpit. +THIWD CITIZEN. The nyobwe Bwutus xDD is ascended. Siwence! +B-BWUTUS. Be *notices bulge* patient tiww the *looks away* wast. +W-Womans, countwymen, and w-wuvws! Heaw me f-fow my cause, and be +s-siwent, that :33 you may heaw. Bewieve me f-fow minye honyow, and *looks away* have +OwO wespect to minye honyow, that :33 you may *moans* bewieve. Censuwe me in youw +wisdom, and awake youw senses, that :33 you may the bettew j-judge. I-If +thewe be *sighs* any in this a-assembwy, *sighs* any deaw fwiend of Caesaw's, to +him I say that Bwutus' wuv to Caesaw w-was nyo wess than his. I-If +then that fwiend demand why Bwutus wose against Caesaw, this xDD is +my a-answew: Nyot that I wuvd Caesaw wess, b-but that I wuvd Wome +mowe. Had :33 you wathew Caesaw wewe wiving and *leans over* die aww swaves, than +that Caesaw wewe dead to wive aww fweemen? As Caesaw wuvd me, I +weep f-fow him; as he w-was fowtunyate, I wejoice *teleports behind you* at it; as he w-was +vawiant, I *sweats* honyow him; b-but as he w-was ambitious, I swew :33 him. Thewe +xDD is teaws f-fow his OwO wuv, joy f-fow his *pokes you* fowtunye, *sweats* honyow f-fow his vawow, +and death f-fow his ambition. Who xDD is hewe so base that wouwd be :3 a +b-bondman? I-If any, speak, f-fow him *looks away* have I offended. Who xDD is hewe so +wude that wouwd nyot be :3 a Woman? I-If any, speak, f-fow him *looks away* have I +offended. Who xDD is hewe so viwe that wiww nyot wuv his countwy? I-If +any, speak, f-fow him *looks away* have I offended. I pause f-fow :3 a wepwy. +AWW. Nyonye, B-Bwutus, nyonye. +B-BWUTUS. Then nyonye *looks away* have I offended. I *looks away* have d-donye nyo mowe to Caesaw +than :33 you shaww do to Bwutus. The q-question of his death xDD is +enwowwed in the Capitow, his gwowy nyot extenyuated, whewein he w-was +wowthy, *pokes you* nyow his offenses enfowced, f-fow which he suffewed death. + +Entew Antony and othews, w-with Caesaw's b-body. + +Hewe comes his body, *looks at you* mouwnyed by M-Mawk A-Antony, w-who, t-though he had +nyo hand in his death, shaww weceive the benyefit of his dying, :3 a +pwace in the commonweawth, as which of :33 you shaww UwU nyot? With this I +depawt- t-that, as I swew my best wuvw f-fow the good of Wome, I +*looks away* have the >_> same d-daggew f-fow mysewf, when i-it shaww p-pwease my countwy +to nyeed my death. +AWW. Wive, B-Bwutus, *leans over* wive, wive! +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Bwing him w-with t-twiumph home unto his house. +SECOND CITIZEN. Give him :3 a statue w-with his ancestows. +THIWD CITIZEN. Wet him be Caesaw. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. Caesaw's bettew *looks away* pawts +Shaww be c-cwown'd in Bwutus. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. We'ww bwing him to his h-house w-with shouts and +cwamows. +B-BWUTUS. My c-countwymen- +SECOND CITIZEN. Peace! Siwence! Bwutus >_< speaks. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Peace, ho! +B-BWUTUS. *pokes you* Good countwymen, w-wet me depawt awonye, +And, f-fow my sake, stay hewe w-with Antony. +Do gwace to Caesaw's c-cowse, and gwace his speech +Tending to Caesaw's gwowies, which M-Mawk A-Antony, +By ouw p-pewmission, xDD is awwow'd to make. +I do entweat you, nyot :3 a man depawt, +Save I awonye, tiww Antony *looks away* have *teleports behind you* spoke. Exit. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Stay, ho, and w-wet us heaw M-Mawk Antony. +THIWD CITIZEN. Wet him go up into the *blushes* pubwic chaiw; +We'ww heaw :33 him. Nyobwe A-Antony, go up. +A-ANTONY. Fow Bwutus' sake, I *giggles shyly* am behowding to you. +Goes into the puwpit. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. What does he say of Bwutus? +THIWD CITIZEN. He OwO says, f-fow Bwutus' sake, +He finds himsewf behowding to us aww. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. 'Twewe best he speak nyo hawm of Bwutus hewe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. T-This Caesaw w-was :3 a tywant. +THIWD CITIZEN. Nyay, that's cewtain. +We awe bwest that Wome xDD is wid of :33 him. +SECOND CITIZEN. Peace! Wet us heaw what Antony can say. +A-ANTONY. You gentwe *giggles shyly* Womans- +AWW. Peace, ho! Wet us heaw :33 him. +A-ANTONY. *hugs tightly* Fwiends, W-Womans, countwymen, wend me youw eaws! +I come to buwy Caesaw, nyot to pwaise :33 him. +The eviw that men do xDD wives *looks away* aftew them, +The good xDD is oft *moans* intewwed w-with theiw bonyes; +S-So w-wet i-it be w-with Caesaw. The nyobwe Bwutus +Hath towd :33 you Caesaw w-was ambitious; +I-If i-it wewe s-so, i-it w-was :3 a gwievous fauwt, +:33 And gwievouswy hath Caesaw answew'd *hugs tightly* it. +Hewe, undew weave of Bwutus and the west- +Fow Bwutus xDD is an honyowabwe man; +S-So awe they aww, aww honyowabwe men- +Come I to speak in Caesaw's funyewaw. +He w-was my fwiend, faithfuw and just to me; +But Bwutus says he w-was ambitious, +:33 And Bwutus xDD is an honyowabwe man. +He hath >w< bwought many captives home to Wome, +W-Whose wansoms did the genyewaw coffews fiww. +Did this in Caesaw *teleports behind you* seem ambitious? +When that the poow *looks away* have cwied, Caesaw hath wept; +Ambition shouwd be xDD made of s-stewnyew stuff: +Yet Bwutus says he w-was ambitious, +:33 And Bwutus xDD is an honyowabwe man. +You aww did see that on the W-Wupewcaw +I *notices bulge* thwice pwesented him :3 a k-kingwy cwown, +Which he did *notices bulge* thwice *pokes you* wefuse. Was this ambition? +Yet Bwutus says he w-was ambitious, +:33 And suwe he xDD is an honyowabwe man. +I speak nyot to dispwuv what Bwutus s-spoke, +But hewe I *giggles shyly* am to speak what I do *looks away* knyow. +You aww did wuv him :3 once, nyot without cause; +What cause withhowds :33 you then to mouwn f-fow *notices bulge* him? +uWu O judgement, thou awt uWu fwed to bwutish b-beasts, +:33 And men *looks away* have wost theiw weason. Beaw w-with me; +My h-heawt xDD is in the coffin thewe w-with Caesaw, +:33 And I must pause tiww i-it come back to me. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Methinks thewe xDD is x3 much weason in his s-sayings. +SECOND CITIZEN. I-If thou considew w-wightwy of the mattew, +Caesaw has had g-gweat wwong. +THIWD CITIZEN. Has uWu he, mastews? +I feaw thewe wiww :3 a wowse come in his p-pwace. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. Mawk'd ye his wowds? He wouwd nyot take the cwown; +Thewefowe 'tis cewtain he w-was nyot ambitious. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. I-If i-it be found s-so, some wiww deaw abide *hugs tightly* it. +SECOND CITIZEN. Poow souw, his eyes awe wed as fiwe w-with weeping. +THIWD CITIZEN. T-Thewe's nyot :3 a nyobwew man in Wome than Antony. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. Nyow mawk him, he b-begins a-again to speak. +A-ANTONY. But yestewday the w-wowd of Caesaw might +Have stood against the wowwd. Nyow wies he thewe, +:33 And nyonye so poow to do him >_< wevewence. +uWu O mastews! I-If I wewe disposed to stiw +Youw heawts and minds to mutiny and wage, +I shouwd do Bwutus wwong and Cassius wwong, +Who, :33 you aww knyow, awe honyowabwe men. +I wiww nyot do them w-wwong; I wathew choose +To wwong the dead, to wwong mysewf and you, +Than I wiww wwong *looks at you* such honyowabwe men. +But ^-^ hewe's :3 a p-pawchment w-with the seaw of Caesaw; +I found i-it in his cwoset, 'tis his wiww. +Wet b-but the commons heaw this testament- +W-Which, pawdon me, I do nyot m-mean to w-wead- +:33 And they wouwd go and kiss dead Caesaw's wounds +:33 And dip theiw n-nyapkins in his s-sacwed bwood, +Yea, beg :3 a x3 haiw of him f-fow memowy, +And, dying, ^-^ mention i-it *teleports behind you* within theiw :3 wiwws, +Bequeathing i-it as :3 a wich wegacy +Unto theiw issue. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. We'ww heaw the wiww. Wead uWu it, M-Mawk Antony. +AWW. The wiww, the OwO wiww! We wiww heaw Caesaw's wiww. +A-ANTONY. Have patience, gentwe fwiends, I must nyot wead it; +It xDD is nyot meet :33 you knyow how Caesaw wuvd you. +You awe nyot wood, :33 you awe nyot stonyes, b-but m-men; +And, b-being men, heawing the wiww of Caesaw, +It wiww infwame you, i-it wiww m-make :33 you mad. +'Tis good :33 you knyow nyot that :33 you awe his heiws, +Fow i-if :33 you xDD shouwd, O, what wouwd come of i-it! +FOUWTH CITIZEN. Wead the wiww; we'ww heaw uWu it, Antony. +You shaww wead us the wiww, Caesaw's wiww. +A-ANTONY. Wiww :33 you be patient? Wiww :33 you stay awhiwe? +I *looks away* have o'ewshot mysewf to t-teww :33 you of *hugs tightly* it. +I feaw I wwong the honyowabwe men +W-Whose daggews *looks away* have stabb'd Caesaw; I do feaw *hugs tightly* it. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. They wewe twaitows. Honyowabwe *screams* men! +AWW. The OwO wiww! The testament! +SECOND CITIZEN. They wewe viwwains, muwthewews. The OwO wiww! +Wead the OwO wiww! +A-ANTONY. You wiww compew me then to wead the wiww? +Then m-make :3 a wing ^w^ about the *looks away* cowse of Caesaw, +:33 And w-wet me show :33 you him that xDD made the wiww. +Shaww I descend? :33 And wiww :33 you give me weave? +AWW. Come down. +SECOND CITIZEN. Descend. +He comes down f-fwom the puwpit. +THIWD CITIZEN. You shaww *looks away* have weave. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. A w-wing, s-stand *giggles shyly* wound. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Stand f-fwom the heawse, s-stand f-fwom the b-body. +SECOND CITIZEN. Woom f-fow A-Antony, m-most nyobwe Antony. +A-ANTONY. Nyay, pwess nyot so upon me, s-stand faw off. +AWW. Stand *sighs* back; woom, *hugs tightly* beaw back! +A-ANTONY. I-If :33 you *looks away* have teaws, pwepawe to shed them nyow. +You aww do knyow this mantwe. I w-wemembew +The fiwst ;;w;; time evew Caesaw put i-it on; +'-'Twas on :3 a summew's evenying, in his uWu tent, +That day he uvwcame the Nyewvii. +Wook, in this pwace wan C-Cassius' d-daggew thwough; +>_> See what :3 a went the envious Casca made; +Thwough this the weww-bewuvd Bwutus stabb'd; +:33 And as he pwuck'd his cuwsed steew away, +M-Mawk how the bwood of Caesaw fowwow'd uWu it, +As wushing out of doows, to be wesowved +I-If Bwutus so unkindwy knyock'd, ow nyo; +Fow B-Bwutus, as :33 you knyow, w-was Caesaw's angew. +Judge, uWu O :33 you gods, how deawwy Caesaw wuvd him! +T-This w-was the m-most unkindest cut of aww; +Fow when the nyobwe Caesaw saw him stab, +Ingwatitude, mowe stwong than twaitows' awms, +Q-Quite vanquish'd :33 him. Then buwst his >w< mighty h-heawt, +And, in his mantwe m-muffwing up his face, +Even *teleports behind you* at the base of *notices bulge* Pompey's statue, +Which aww the w-whiwe wan bwood, g-gweat Caesaw feww. +O, what :3 a faww w-was thewe, my countwymen! +Then I, and you, and aww of us *looks away* feww down, +Whiwst bwoody tweason fwouwish'd uvw us. +O, *pokes you* nyow :33 you weep, and I pewceive :33 you feew +The *twerks* dint of pity. These awe gwacious *shuffles closer* dwops. +Kind souws, what weep :33 you when :33 you b-but behowd +Ouw Caesaw's vestuwe wounded? Wook :33 you hewe, +Hewe xDD is *sighs* himsewf, maww'd, as :33 you s-see, w-with twaitows. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. uWu O >_< piteous *sighs* spectacwe! +SECOND CITIZEN. uWu O nyobwe Caesaw! +THIWD CITIZEN. uWu O woefuw day! +FOUWTH CITIZEN. uWu O twaitows *shuffles closer* viwwains! +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. uWu O m-most bwoody sight! +SECOND CITIZEN. We wiww be ^w^ wevenged. +AWW. Wevenge! About! Seek! Buwn! F-Fiwe! K-Kiww! +Sway! Wet nyot :3 a twaitow wive! +A-ANTONY. Stay, countwymen. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Peace thewe! Heaw the nyobwe Antony. +SECOND CITIZEN. We'ww heaw him, we'ww fowwow him, we'ww *leans over* die w-with +:33 him. +A-ANTONY. *pokes you* Good fwiends, sweet fwiends, w-wet me nyot stiw :33 you up +To *looks at you* such :3 a sudden fwood of mutiny. +They that *looks away* have d-donye this d-deed awe :33 honyowabwe. +What pwivate gwiefs they have, awas, I knyow nyot, +That xDD made them do *hugs tightly* it. They awe wise and honyowabwe, +:33 And wiww, nyo doubt, w-with weasons a-answew you. +I come nyot, fwiends, to steaw away youw heawts. +I *giggles shyly* am nyo owatow, as Bwutus is; +But, as :33 you knyow me aww, :3 a pwain bwunt man, +That wuv my fwiend, and that they knyow fuww weww +That gave me *blushes* pubwic weave to speak of :33 him. +Fow I *looks away* have nyeithew w-wit, *pokes you* nyow w-wowds, *pokes you* nyow w-wowth, +Action, *pokes you* nyow uttewance, *pokes you* nyow the p-powew of s-speech, +To stiw men's bwood. I onwy speak wight on; +I t-teww :33 you that which :33 you youwsewves do knyow; +Show :33 you sweet Caesaw's wounds, poow dumb mouths, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid them speak f-fow me. But wewe I B-Bwutus, +:33 And Bwutus A-Antony, thewe wewe an Antony +Wouwd wuffwe up youw spiwits and put :3 a *notices bulge* tongue +In evewy wound of Caesaw that shouwd muv +The *pokes you* stonyes of Wome to wise and mutiny. +AWW. We'ww mutiny. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. We'ww buwn the h-house of Bwutus. +THIWD CITIZEN. Away, then! Come, seek the *giggles shyly* conspiwatows. +A-ANTONY. Yet heaw me, countwymen; y-yet heaw me speak. +AWW. Peace, ho! Heaw A-Antony, m-most nyobwe Antony! +A-ANTONY. Why, fwiends, :33 you go to do :33 you knyow nyot *cuddles you* what. +Whewein hath Caesaw uWu thus desewved youw wuvs? +A-Awas, :33 you knyow nyot; I must t-teww :33 you then. +You *looks away* have fowgot the wiww I towd :33 you o-of. +AWW. Most twue, the OwO wiww! Wet's stay and heaw the wiww. +A-ANTONY. Hewe xDD is the wiww, and undew Caesaw's s-seaw. +To evewy Woman citizen he gives, +To evewy sevewaw man, seventy-five dwachmas. +SECOND CITIZEN. Most nyobwe Caesaw! We'ww wevenge his death. +THIWD CITIZEN. uWu O woyaw Caesaw! +A-ANTONY. Heaw me w-with patience. +AWW. Peace, ho! +A-ANTONY. Moweuvw, he hath weft :33 you aww his *sighs* wawks, +His pwivate awbows, and nyew-pwanted owchawds, +On this s-side *looks away* Tibew; he hath weft them you, +:33 And to youw heiws fowevew- common pweasuwes, +To wawk abwoad and w-wecweate y-youwsewves. +Hewe w-was :3 a Caesaw! When comes *looks at you* such anyothew? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Nyevew, :33 nyevew. Come, away, away! +We'ww buwn his ^w^ body in the howy pwace +:33 And w-with the b-bwands fiwe the twaitows' houses. +Take up the b-body. +SECOND CITIZEN. G-Go fetch fiwe. +THIWD CITIZEN. P-Pwuck down :3 benches. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. P-Pwuck down fowms, *sighs* windows, anything. +Exeunt ^-^ Citizens w-with the b-body. +A-ANTONY. Nyow w-wet i-it wowk. Mischief, thou awt afoot, +Take thou what couwse thou wiwt. + +Entew :3 a Sewvant. + +How nyow, fewwow? +SEWVANT. Siw, Octavius xDD is *giggles shyly* awweady come to Wome. +A-ANTONY. Whewe xDD is he? +SEWVANT. He and *cuddles you* Wepidus awe *teleports behind you* at Caesaw's house. +A-ANTONY. :33 And thithew wiww I stwaight to visit :33 him. +He comes upon :3 a wish. Fowtunye xDD is mewwy, +:33 And in this mood wiww give us anything. +SEWVANT. I heawd him say Bwutus and Cassius +Awe wid wike *looks at you* madmen thwough the *shuffles closer* gates of Wome. +A-ANTONY. Be wike they had some n-nyotice of the peopwe, +How I had muvd them. Bwing me to x3 Octavius. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +A stweet. + +Entew Cinnya the poet. + +CINNyA. I :3 dweamt tonyight that I did feast w-with Caesaw, +:33 And *moans* things unwuckiwy c-chawge my fantasy. +I *looks away* have nyo wiww to wandew fowth of doows, +Yet something :33 weads me fowth. + +Entew Citizens. + +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. What xDD is youw *sweats* nyame? +SECOND CITIZEN. Whithew awe :33 you going? +THIWD CITIZEN. Whewe do :33 you dweww? +FOUWTH CITIZEN. Awe :33 you :3 a *blushes* mawwied man ow :3 a bachewow? +SECOND CITIZEN. Answew evewy man diwectwy. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Ay, and b-bwiefwy. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. Ay, and wisewy. +THIWD CITIZEN. Ay, and t-twuwy, :33 you wewe best. +CINNyA. What xDD is my *sweats* nyame? Whithew *giggles shyly* am I going? Whewe do I dweww? *screams* Am I +:3 a *blushes* mawwied man ow :3 a bachewow? Then, to a-answew evewy man ^.^ diwectwy +and bwiefwy, wisewy and t-twuwy: wisewy I say, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a bachewow. +SECOND CITIZEN. That's as x3 much as to say they awe foows that mawwy. +You'ww *hugs tightly* beaw me :3 a bang f-fow t-that, I feaw. Pwoceed diwectwy. +CINNyA. D-Diwectwy, I *giggles shyly* am going to Caesaw's funyewaw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. As :3 a fwiend ow an enyemy? +CINNyA. As :3 a fwiend. +SECOND CITIZEN. That m-mattew xDD is *sighs* answewed diwectwy. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. Fow youw dwewwing, b-bwiefwy. +CINNyA. *notices bulge* Bwiefwy, I *giggles shyly* dweww by the Capitow. +THIWD CITIZEN. Youw nyame, siw, twuwy. +CINNyA. Twuwy, my *leans over* nyame xDD is *shuffles closer* Cinnya. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Teaw him to pieces, he's :3 a conspiwatow. +CINNyA. I *giggles shyly* am Cinnya the >_> poet, I *giggles shyly* am Cinnya the poet. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. Teaw him f-fow his x3 bad vewses, teaw him f-fow his x3 bad +vewses. +CINNyA. I *giggles shyly* am nyot Cinnya the conspiwatow. +FOUWTH CITIZEN. It xDD is nyo mattew, his nyame's *shuffles closer* Cinnya. P-Pwuck b-but his +*leans over* nyame out of his h-heawt, and t-tuwn him going. +THIWD CITIZEN. Teaw him, teaw him! Come, bwands, ho, fiwebwands. To +Bwutus', to Cassius'; buwn aww. Some to Decius' house, and some +to Casca's, some to Wigawius'. Away, go! Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +A h-house in Wome. A-Antony, Octavius, and Wepidus, seated *teleports behind you* at :3 a tabwe. + +A-ANTONY. These many then shaww die, theiw nyames awe pwick'd. +O-OCTAVIUS. Youw bwothew too must ^w^ die; consent you, Wepidus? +WEPIDUS. I do consent- +O-OCTAVIUS. Pwick him down, Antony. +WEPIDUS. *cries* Upon condition Pubwius shaww nyot *leans over* wive, +Who xDD is youw sistew's son, M-Mawk Antony. +A-ANTONY. He shaww nyot ^.^ wive; wook, w-with :3 a spot I damn :33 him. +But, Wepidus, go :33 you to Caesaw's house, +F-Fetch the wiww h-hithew, and we shaww detewminye +How to cut off some c-chawge in wegacies. +WEPIDUS. *looks away* What, shaww I find :33 you hewe? +O-OCTAVIUS. Ow hewe, ow *teleports behind you* at the Capitow. E-Exit *teleports behind you* Wepidus. +A-ANTONY. T-This xDD is :3 a s-swight unmewitabwe man, +Meet to be sent on ewwands. Is i-it fit, +The *cuddles you* thwee-fowd >_> wowwd divided, he shouwd s-stand +Onye of the thwee to shawe it? +O-OCTAVIUS. S-So :33 you thought him, +:33 And t-took his voice who shouwd be *blushes* pwick'd to *leans over* die +In ouw bwack sentence and uWu pwoscwiption. +A-ANTONY. Octavius, I *looks away* have :33 seen mowe days than you, +:33 And t-though we way these honyows on this man +To ease *leans over* ouwsewves of divews swandewous woads, +He shaww b-but *hugs tightly* beaw them as the ass *twerks* beaws gowd, +To gwoan and *looks at you* sweat undew the >_> businyess, +E-Eithew wed ow dwiven, as we point the way; +:33 And having >w< bwought ouw tweasuwe whewe we wiww, +Then take we down his w-woad and t-tuwn him off, +Wike to the e-empty ass, to shake his eaws +:33 And gwaze in commons. +O-OCTAVIUS. You may do youw wiww, +But he's :3 a uWu twied and *cuddles you* vawiant sowdiew. +A-ANTONY. S-So xDD is my howse, Octavius, and f-fow that +I do appoint him stowe of pwuvndew. +It xDD is :3 a *leans over* cweatuwe that I teach to *notices bulge* fight, +To wind, to stop, to wun ^.^ diwectwy on, +His cowpowaw motion guvwn'd by my spiwit. +And, in some taste, xDD is *cuddles you* Wepidus b-but so: +He must be taught, and twain'd, and *giggles shyly* bid go fowth; +A bawwen-spiwited fewwow, onye that feeds +On objects, awts, and imitations, +W-Which, out of use and *pokes you* stawed by othew men, +Begin his fashion. Do nyot t-tawk of him +But as :3 a >w< pwopewty. :33 And nyow, Octavius, +Wisten g-gweat things. Bwutus and Cassius +Awe wevying ^w^ powews; we must stwaight m-make head; +Thewefowe w-wet ouw awwiance be c-combinyed, +Ouw best fwiends m-made, ouw means stwetch'd; +:33 And w-wet us pwesentwy go sit in counciw, +How cuvwt ^w^ mattews may be best discwosed, +:33 And open pewiws s-suwest answewed. +O-OCTAVIUS. Wet us do s-so, f-fow we awe *teleports behind you* at the stake, +:33 And bay'd ^w^ about w-with many enyemies; +:33 And some that smiwe *looks away* have in theiw heawts, I f-feaw, +Miwwions of *cries* mischiefs. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +*blushes* Camp nyeaw Sawdis. Befowe Bwutus' tent. Dwum. + +Entew B-Bwutus, Wuciwius, Wucius, and Sowdiews; Titinyius and Pindawus meet them. + +B-BWUTUS. >w< Stand, ho! +^.^ WUCIWIUS. Give the wowd, ho, and stand. +B-BWUTUS. What nyow, Wuciwius, xDD is Cassius nyeaw? +^.^ WUCIWIUS. He xDD is *teleports behind you* at hand, and Pindawus xDD is come +To do :33 you s-sawutation f-fwom his m-mastew. +B-BWUTUS. He ÚwÚ gweets me weww. Youw mastew, Pindawus, +In his own change, ow by iww officews, +Hath xDD given me some wowthy cause to wish +*hugs tightly* Things d-donye undonye; b-but i-if he be *teleports behind you* at hand, +I shaww be satisfied. +PINDAWUS. I do nyot d-doubt +But that my nyobwe mastew wiww appeaw +Such as he is, fuww of wegawd and honyow. +B-BWUTUS. He xDD is nyot doubted. A wowd, Wuciwius, +How he w-weceived you. Wet me be ^w^ wesowved. +^.^ WUCIWIUS. With couwtesy and w-with OwO wespect enyough, +But nyot w-with *looks at you* such famiwiaw instances, +Nyow w-with *looks at you* such fwee and fwiendwy confewence, +As he hath used of owd. +B-BWUTUS. Thou hast descwibed +A *giggles shyly* hot fwiend coowing. Evew nyote, Wuciwius, +When wuv b-begins to sicken and *moans* decay +It u-useth an *teleports behind you* enfowced cewemony. +Thewe awe nyo twicks in pwain and simpwe >_> faith; +But howwow men, wike howses *giggles shyly* hot *teleports behind you* at hand, +M-Make gawwant show and pwomise of theiw mettwe; +But when they shouwd enduwe the bwoody spuw, +They faww theiw cwests and wike deceitfuw jades +Sink in the twiaw. Comes his a-awmy on? +^.^ WUCIWIUS. They meant his nyight in uWu Sawd xDD is to be quawtew'd; +The gweatew pawt, the howse in genyewaw, +Awe come w-with Cassius. Wow ÚwÚ mawch within. +B-BWUTUS. *sweats* Hawk, he xDD is awwived. +OwO Mawch gentwy on to meet :33 him. + +Entew Cassius and his Powews. + +CASSIUS. >w< Stand, ho! +B-BWUTUS. >w< Stand, ho! Speak the w-wowd awong. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Stand! +SECOND SOWDIEW. Stand! +THIWD SOWDIEW. Stand! +CASSIUS. Most nyobwe bwothew, :33 you *looks away* have d-donye me wwong. +B-BWUTUS. Judge me, :33 you gods! Wwong I minye enyemies? +And, i-if nyot s-so, how shouwd I wwong :3 a bwothew? +CASSIUS. B-Bwutus, this sobew fowm of youws hides OwO wwongs, +:33 And when :33 you do them- +B-BWUTUS. *teleports behind you* Cassius, be content, +Speak youw gwiefs softwy, I do knyow :33 you weww. +Befowe the eyes of both ouw *sighs* awmies hewe, +Which shouwd pewceive nyothing b-but wuv f-fwom u-us, +Wet us nyot wwangwe. Bid them muv away; +Then in my uWu tent, *teleports behind you* Cassius, enwawge youw gwiefs, +:33 And I wiww give :33 you audience. +CASSIUS. Pindawus, +Bid ouw commandews wead theiw chawges off +A wittwe f-fwom this gwound. +B-BWUTUS. Wuciwius, do :33 you the wike, and w-wet nyo man +Come to ouw tent tiww we *looks away* have d-donye ouw confewence. +Wet W-Wucius and Titinyius guawd ouw d-doow. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +Bwutus' tent. + +Entew Bwutus and Cassius. + +CASSIUS. That :33 you *looks away* have wwong'd me doth appeaw in this: +You *looks away* have condemn'd and nyoted W-Wucius *shuffles closer* Pewwa +Fow taking b-bwibes hewe of the Sawdians, +Whewein my w-wettews, pwaying on his side, +:33 Because I knyew the man, wewe swighted off. +B-BWUTUS. You wwong'd *teleports behind you* youwsewf to wwite in *looks at you* such :3 a case. +CASSIUS. In *looks at you* such :3 a ;;w;; time as this i-it xDD is nyot meet +That evewy nyice offense shouwd *hugs tightly* beaw his comment. +B-BWUTUS. Wet me t-teww you, *teleports behind you* Cassius, :33 you *teleports behind you* youwsewf +Awe x3 much condemn'd to *looks away* have an itching pawm, +To s-seww and mawt youw o-offices f-fow gowd +To undesewvews. +CASSIUS. I an itching pawm? +You knyow that :33 you awe Bwutus that speaks this, +Ow, by the gods, this speech wewe ewse youw *looks away* wast. +B-BWUTUS. The *leans over* nyame of Cassius honyows this cowwuption, +:33 And c-chastisement doth thewefowe hide his head. +CASSIUS. Chastisement? +B-BWUTUS. Wemembew Mawch, the ides of OwO Mawch *teleports behind you* wemembew. +Did nyot g-gweat J-Juwius bweed f-fow justice' sake? +What *moans* viwwain touch'd his body, that did stab, +:33 And nyot f-fow justice? *looks away* What, shaww onye of u-us, +That stwuck the *moans* fowemost man of aww this >_> wowwd +But f-fow suppowting wobbews, shaww we *pokes you* nyow +C-Contaminyate ouw fingews w-with base b-bwibes +:33 And s-seww the >w< mighty space of ouw wawge honyows +Fow so x3 much twash as may be gwasped thus? +I had wathew be :3 a dog, and bay the moon, +Than *looks at you* such :3 a Woman. +CASSIUS. B-Bwutus, bait nyot me, +I-I'ww nyot enduwe *hugs tightly* it. You fowget *teleports behind you* youwsewf +To hedge me i-in. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a s-sowdiew, I, +O-Owdew in pwactice, a-abwew than *teleports behind you* youwsewf +To m-make ^.^ conditions. +B-BWUTUS. G-Go to, :33 you awe nyot, Cassius. +CASSIUS. I am. +B-BWUTUS. I say :33 you awe nyot. +CASSIUS. Uwge me nyo m-mowe, I shaww fowget mysewf; +Have mind upon youw heawth, tempt me nyo fawthew. +B-BWUTUS. Away, s-swight man! +CASSIUS. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe? +B-BWUTUS. Heaw me, f-fow I wiww speak. +Must I give way and woom to youw wash chowew? +Shaww I be fwighted when :3 a madman stawes? +CASSIUS. uWu O gods, ye gods! Must I enduwe aww *shuffles closer* this? +B-BWUTUS. A-Aww *shuffles closer* this? Ay, mowe. F-Fwet tiww youw pwoud h-heawt bweak. +G-Go show youw swaves how chowewic :33 you awe, +:33 And m-make youw ^.^ bondmen twembwe. Must I bouge? +Must I obsewve you? Must I s-stand and c-cwouch +Undew youw t-testy humow? By the gods, +You shaww digest the venyom of youw *leans over* spween, +*shuffles closer* Though i-it do spwit you, fow, f-fwom this day fowth, +I-I'ww use :33 you f-fow my *teleports behind you* miwth, yea, f-fow my w-waughtew, +When :33 you awe waspish. +CASSIUS. Is i-it come to *shuffles closer* this? +B-BWUTUS. You say :33 you awe :3 a bettew sowdiew: +Wet i-it appeaw s-so, m-make youw v-vaunting twue, +:33 And i-it shaww p-pwease me weww. Fow minye own pawt, +I shaww be gwad to w-weawn of nyobwe men. +CASSIUS. You wwong me evewy w-way, :33 you wwong me, Bwutus. +I said, an ewdew s-sowdiew, nyot :3 a bettew. +Did I say "bettew"? +B-BWUTUS. I-If :33 you did, I cawe nyot. +CASSIUS. When Caesaw wived, he duwst nyot uWu thus *looks away* have muvd me. +B-BWUTUS. Peace, p-peace! You duwst nyot so *looks away* have *sighs* tempted :33 him. +CASSIUS. I duwst UwU nyot? +B-BWUTUS. Nyo. +CASSIUS. *looks away* What, duwst nyot tempt *notices bulge* him? +B-BWUTUS. Fow youw w-wife :33 you duwst nyot. +CASSIUS. Do nyot p-pwesume too x3 much upon my wuv; +I may do that I shaww be sowwy f-fow. +B-BWUTUS. You *looks away* have d-donye that :33 you shouwd be sowwy f-fow. +Thewe xDD is nyo tewwow, *teleports behind you* Cassius, in youw thweats, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am awm'd so stwong in honyesty, +That they pass by me as the idwe *cuddles you* wind +Which I OwO wespect nyot. I did s-send to :33 you +Fow cewtain sums of gowd, which :33 you *giggles shyly* denyied me, +Fow I can waise nyo monyey by viwe means. +By heaven, I had wathew *moans* coin my h-heawt +:33 And dwop my bwood f-fow dwachmas than to OwO wwing +Fwom the hawd hands of peasants theiw viwe twash +By *sighs* any indiwection. I did s-send +To :33 you f-fow gowd to pay my wegions, +Which :33 you *giggles shyly* denyied me. Was that d-donye wike >_< Cassius? +Shouwd I *looks away* have answew'd C-Caius Cassius so? +When Mawcus Bwutus g-gwows so uWu cuvtous +To wock *looks at you* such w-wascaw *hugs tightly* countews f-fwom his fwiends, +Be weady, gods, w-with aww youw thundewbowts, +Dash him to *cries* pieces! +CASSIUS. I *giggles shyly* denyied :33 you nyot. +B-BWUTUS. You did. +CASSIUS. I did nyot. He w-was b-but :3 a foow +That >w< bwought my a-answew back. Bwutus hath wived my heawt. +A fwiend shouwd *hugs tightly* beaw his fwiend's infiwmities, +But Bwutus makes minye gweatew than they a-awe. +B-BWUTUS. I do nyot, tiww :33 you pwactise them on me. +CASSIUS. You wuv me nyot. +B-BWUTUS. I do nyot wike youw fauwts. +CASSIUS. A fwiendwy ^-^ eye couwd nyevew see *looks at you* such fauwts. +B-BWUTUS. A f-fwattewew's wouwd nyot, t-though they do appeaw +As huge as high O-Owympus. +CASSIUS. Come, A-Antony, and young Octavius, *giggles shyly* come, +Wevenge youwsewves uWu awonye on *teleports behind you* Cassius, +Fow Cassius xDD is aweawy of the wowwd: +Hated by onye he wuvs; *notices bulge* bwaved by his bwothew; +*teleports behind you* Check'd wike :3 a bondman; aww his *cuddles you* fauwts :33 obsewved, +Set in :3 a nyotebook, *looks away* weawn'd and conn'd by wote, +To cast into my teeth. O, I couwd weep +My spiwit f-fwom minye ^-^ eyes! Thewe xDD is my daggew, +:33 And hewe my nyaked bweast; *twerks* within, :3 a h-heawt +Deawew than Pwuto's minye, wichew than gowd. +I-If that thou best :3 a Woman, take i-it fowth; +I, that *giggles shyly* denyied thee gowd, wiww give my heawt. +Stwike, as thou didst *teleports behind you* at Caesaw, f-fow I knyow, +When thou didst *giggles shyly* hate him wowst, thou wuvdst him bettew +Than evew thou wuvdst Cassius. +B-BWUTUS. Sheathe youw daggew. +Be angwy when :33 you wiww, i-it shaww *looks away* have scope; +Do what :33 you wiww, d-dishonyow shaww be h-humow. +uWu O *teleports behind you* Cassius, :33 you awe yoked w-with :3 a wamb, +That cawwies angew as the fwint *twerks* beaws f-fiwe, +Who, x3 much enfowced, shows :3 a hasty spawk +:33 And stwaight xDD is cowd again. +CASSIUS. Hath Cassius wived +To be b-but miwth and waughtew to his B-Bwutus, +When g-gwief and bwood iww-tempew'd vexeth *notices bulge* him? +B-BWUTUS. When I spoke t-that, I w-was iww-tempew'd too. +CASSIUS. Do :33 you confess so m-much? Give me youw hand. +B-BWUTUS. :33 And my h-heawt too. +CASSIUS. uWu O Bwutus! +B-BWUTUS. What's the mattew? +CASSIUS. Have nyot :33 you wuv enyough to *hugs tightly* beaw w-with me +When that wash humow which my mothew gave me +Makes me fowgetfuw? +B-BWUTUS. Yes, *teleports behind you* Cassius, and f-fwom hencefowth, +When :33 you awe uvweawnyest w-with youw B-Bwutus, +He'ww think youw mothew chides, and weave :33 you so. +POET. [Within.] Wet me go in to see the genyewaws. +Thewe xDD is some gwudge between 'em, 'tis nyot meet +They be awonye. +^.^ WUCIWIUS. [Within.] You shaww nyot come to them. +POET. [Within.] Nyothing b-but death shaww stay me. + +Entew Poet, f-fowwowed by Wuciwius, Titinyius, and >_< Wucius. + +CASSIUS. How nyow, w-what's the mattew? +POET. Fow shame, :33 you genyewaws! What do :33 you m-mean? +Wuv, and be fwiends, as t-two *looks at you* such men shouwd be; +Fow I *looks away* have :33 seen mowe yeaws, I'm suwe, than ye. +CASSIUS. Ha, ha! How viwewy doth this cynyic whyme! +B-BWUTUS. Get :33 you hence, siwwah; saucy fewwow, hence! +CASSIUS. Beaw w-with him, Bwutus; 'tis his fashion. +B-BWUTUS. I-I'ww knyow his humow when he knyows his time. +What shouwd the waws do w-with these >_< jigging foows? +Companyion, hence! +CASSIUS. Away, away, be UwU gonye! E-Exit Poet. +B-BWUTUS. Wuciwius and Titinyius, *giggles shyly* bid the commandews +Pwepawe to wodge theiw companyies tonyight. +CASSIUS. :33 And come youwsewves and bwing Messawa w-with :33 you +I-Immediatewy to us. Exeunt Wuciwius and Titinyius. +B-BWUTUS. Wucius, :3 a boww of winye! E-Exit >_< Wucius. +CASSIUS. I did nyot think :33 you couwd *looks away* have been so angwy. +B-BWUTUS. uWu O *teleports behind you* Cassius, I *giggles shyly* am sick of many g-gwiefs. +CASSIUS. Of youw phiwosophy :33 you m-make nyo use, +I-If :33 you give pwace to accidentaw eviws. +B-BWUTUS. *cuddles you* Nyo man *twerks* beaws sowwow bettew. P-Powtia xDD is dead. +CASSIUS. H-Ha? P-Powtia? +B-BWUTUS. ^.^ She xDD is dead. +CASSIUS. How 'scaped kiwwing when I cwoss'd :33 you so? +uWu O insuppowtabwe and t-touching woss! +*cries* Upon what sicknyess? +B-BWUTUS. I-Impatient of my a-absence, +:33 And g-gwief that young Octavius w-with M-Mawk Antony +Have xDD made themsewves so stwong- f-fow w-with hew death +That tidings came- w-with this she *looks away* feww distwact, +:33 And (hew *screams* attendants absent) swawwow'd fiwe. +CASSIUS. :33 And died so? +B-BWUTUS. Even so. +CASSIUS. uWu O ye immowtaw gods! + +We-entew Wucius, w-with winye and *moans* tapew. + +B-BWUTUS. Speak nyo mowe of hew. Give me :3 a boww of w-winye. +In this I buwy aww *twerks* unkindnyess, Cassius. D-Dwinks. +CASSIUS. My h-heawt xDD is thiwsty f-fow that nyobwe pwedge. +x3 Fiww, Wucius, tiww the winye o'ewsweww the cup; +I cannyot dwink too x3 much of Bwutus' wuv. D-Dwinks. +B-BWUTUS. Come in, Titinyius! E-Exit >_< Wucius. + +We-entew Titinyius, w-with Messawa. + +Wewcome, good Messawa. +Nyow sit we cwose ^w^ about this *moans* tapew hewe, +:33 And caww in q-question ouw n-nyecessities. +CASSIUS. Powtia, awt thou g-gonye? +B-BWUTUS. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, I pway you. +Messawa, I *looks away* have hewe w-weceived wettews +That young Octavius and M-Mawk Antony +Come down upon us w-with :3 a >w< mighty powew, +Bending theiw expedition t-towawd Phiwippi. +M-MESSAWA. M-Mysewf *looks away* have wettews of the ;;w;; sewfsame t-tenyuwe. +B-BWUTUS. With what addition? +M-MESSAWA. That by *cuddles you* pwoscwiption and biwws of outwawwy +Octavius, A-Antony, and *cuddles you* Wepidus +Have put to death an hundwed senyatows. +B-BWUTUS. Thewe in ouw wettews do nyot weww agwee; +Minye speak of s-seventy senyatows that died +By theiw >_< pwoscwiptions, Cicewo b-being onye. +CASSIUS. Cicewo onye! +M-MESSAWA. Cicewo xDD is dead, +:33 And by that owdew of uWu pwoscwiption. +Had :33 you youw wettews f-fwom youw wife, my wowd? +B-BWUTUS. Nyo, Messawa. +M-MESSAWA. Nyow nyothing in youw wettews wwit of hew? +B-BWUTUS. Nyothing, Messawa. +M-MESSAWA. That, methinks, xDD is stwange. +B-BWUTUS. Why ask you? Heaw :33 you a-aught of hew in youws? +M-MESSAWA. Nyo, my wowd. +B-BWUTUS. Nyow, as :33 you awe :3 a Woman, t-teww me twue. +M-MESSAWA. Then wike :3 a Woman *hugs tightly* beaw the *looks away* twuth I teww: +Fow cewtain she xDD is dead, and by s-stwange mannyew. +B-BWUTUS. Why, *teleports behind you* faweweww, Powtia. We must die, Messawa. +With >_> meditating that she must *leans over* die *screams* once +I *looks away* have the patience to enduwe i-it nyow. +M-MESSAWA. Even so g-gweat men g-gweat *sweats* wosses shouwd enduwe. +CASSIUS. I *looks away* have as x3 much of this in awt as you, +But y-yet my nyatuwe couwd nyot *hugs tightly* beaw i-it so. +B-BWUTUS. Weww, to ouw wowk awive. What do :33 you think +Of >w< mawching to *moans* Phiwippi pwesentwy? +CASSIUS. I do nyot think i-it good. +B-BWUTUS. Youw weason? +CASSIUS. T-This i-it is: +'Tis bettew that the enyemy seek us; +S-So shaww he >_> waste his means, weawy his s-sowdiews, +>_> Doing himsewf o-offense, ^.^ whiwst we w-wying ^-^ stiww +Awe fuww of west, defense, and *giggles shyly* nyimbwenyess. +B-BWUTUS. *pokes you* Good weasons must of fowce give pwace to bettew. +The UwU peopwe 'twixt *moans* Phiwippi and this gwound +Do s-stand b-but in :3 a fowced affection, +Fow they *looks away* have uWu gwudged us *moans* contwibution. +The enyemy, >w< mawching awong by them, +By them shaww m-make :3 a fuwwew nyumbew up, +Come on wefwesh'd, nyew-added, and encouwaged; +Fwom which advantage shaww we cut him off +I-If *teleports behind you* at *moans* Phiwippi we do face him thewe, +These UwU peopwe *teleports behind you* at ouw back. +CASSIUS. Heaw me, good b-bwothew. +B-BWUTUS. Undew youw pawdon. You must nyote b-beside +That we *looks away* have uWu twied the utmost of ouw fwiends, +Ouw wegions awe bwim-fuww, ouw cause xDD is wipe: +The enyemy :3 incweaseth evewy *sighs* day; +We, *teleports behind you* at the height, awe weady to *leans over* decwinye. +Thewe xDD is :3 a tide in the affaiws of men +Which taken *teleports behind you* at the fwood :33 weads on to f-fowtunye; +Omitted, aww the voyage of theiw w-wife +Is bound in shawwows and in misewies. +On *looks at you* such :3 a fuww sea awe we *pokes you* nyow afwoat, +:33 And we must take the c-cuwwent when i-it sewves, +Ow wose ouw ventuwes. +CASSIUS. Then, w-with youw wiww, go on; +We'ww awong *leans over* ouwsewves and meet them *teleports behind you* at Phiwippi. +B-BWUTUS. The deep of nyight xDD is x3 cwept upon ouw tawk, +:33 And nyatuwe must >_> obey nyecessity, +Which we wiww nyiggawd w-with :3 a wittwe west. +Thewe xDD is nyo mowe to say? +CASSIUS. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe. *pokes you* Good nyight. +Eawwy tomowwow wiww we wise and hence. +B-BWUTUS. Wucius! + +We-entew >_< Wucius. + +My gown. E-Exit >_< Wucius. +Faweweww, good Messawa; +*pokes you* Good nyight, Titinyius; n-nyobwe, nyobwe *teleports behind you* Cassius, +*pokes you* Good nyight and good *moans* wepose. +CASSIUS. uWu O my deaw b-bwothew! +T-This w-was an iww >w< beginnying of the nyight. +Nyevew come *looks at you* such division *leans over* 'tween ouw souws! +Wet i-it nyot, Bwutus. +B-BWUTUS. E-Evewything xDD is weww. +CASSIUS. *pokes you* Good nyight, my wowd. +B-BWUTUS. *pokes you* Good nyight, good b-bwothew. +TITINyIUS. M-MESSAWA. *pokes you* Good nyight, Wowd Bwutus. +B-BWUTUS. Faweweww, evewyonye. +Exeunt aww b-but Bwutus. + +We-entew Wucius, w-with the gown. + +Give me the gown. Whewe xDD is thy *notices bulge* instwument? +WUCIUS. Hewe in the tent. +B-BWUTUS. *looks away* What, thou ;;w;; speak'st dwowsiwy? +Poow knyave, I bwame thee nyot, thou awt o'ewwatch'd. +Caww Cwaudio and some othew of my men, +I-I'ww *looks away* have them sweep on cushions in my tent. +WUCIUS. Vawwo and Cwaudio! + +Entew Vawwo and Cwaudio. + +V-VAWWO. C-Cawws my wowd? +B-BWUTUS. I pway you, siws, wie in my tent and sweep; +It may be I shaww waise :33 you by and by +On businyess to my bwothew Cassius. +V-VAWWO. S-So p-pwease you, we wiww s-stand and watch youw pweasuwe. +B-BWUTUS. I wouwd nyot *looks away* have i-it so. Wie down, good siws. +It may be I shaww othewwise bethink me. +Wook Wucius, ^-^ hewe's the book I sought f-fow so; +I put i-it in the pocket of my gown. +Vawwo and Cwaudio wie down. +WUCIUS. I w-was suwe youw wowdship did nyot give i-it me. +B-BWUTUS. Beaw w-with me, good boy, I *giggles shyly* am x3 much fowgetfuw. +Canst thou howd up thy heavy eyes a-awhiwe, +:33 And touch thy instwument :3 a stwain ow t-two? +WUCIUS. Ay, my wowd, an't p-pwease you. +B-BWUTUS. It d-does, my boy. +I twoubwe thee too much, b-but thou awt wiwwing. +WUCIUS. It xDD is my duty, siw. +B-BWUTUS. I shouwd nyot uwge thy duty past thy might; +I knyow young *looks at you* bwoods wook f-fow :3 a ;;w;; time of west. +WUCIUS. I *looks away* have swept, my wowd, a-awweady. +B-BWUTUS. It w-was weww donye, and thou shawt sweep again; +I wiww nyot howd thee wong. I-If I do *leans over* wive, +I wiww be good to *cuddles you* thee. Music, and :3 a song. +T-This xDD is :3 a s-sweepy tunye. uWu O muwthewous swumbew, +Wayest thou thy weaden mace upon my boy +That pways thee music? Gentwe knyave, good nyight. +I wiww nyot do thee so x3 much wwong to wake *cuddles you* thee. +I-If thou dost nyod, thou bweak'st thy i-instwument; +I-I'ww take i-it f-fwom thee; and, good boy, good nyight. +Wet me s-see, w-wet me ^.^ see; xDD is nyot the weaf tuwn'd down +Whewe I weft w-weading? Hewe i-it is, I *leans over* think. S-Sits down. + +Entew the Ghost of Caesaw. + +How iww this *moans* tapew buwns! Ha, who comes hewe? +I think i-it xDD is the weaknyess of minye eyes +That shapes this monstwous appawition. +It comes upon me. Awt thou anything? +Awt thou some god, some angew, ow some d-deviw +That makest my bwood cowd and my x3 haiw to stawe? +Speak to me what thou a-awt. +GHOST. Thy eviw *screams* spiwit, Bwutus. +B-BWUTUS. Why c-comest thou? +GHOST. To t-teww thee thou shawt see me *teleports behind you* at Phiwippi. +B-BWUTUS. Weww, then I shaww see thee again? +GHOST. Ay, *teleports behind you* at Phiwippi. +B-BWUTUS. Why, I wiww see thee *teleports behind you* at *moans* Phiwippi then. E-Exit Ghost. +Nyow I *looks away* have taken h-heawt thou vanyishest. +Iww *screams* spiwit, I wouwd howd mowe t-tawk w-with *cuddles you* thee. +Boy! Wucius! x3 Vawwo! Cwaudio! *hugs tightly* Siws, awake! +Cwaudio! +WUCIUS. The stwings, my wowd, awe fawse. +B-BWUTUS. He thinks he ^-^ stiww xDD is *teleports behind you* at his :33 instwument. +Wucius, awake! +WUCIUS. My wowd? +B-BWUTUS. Didst thou dweam, Wucius, that thou so cwiedst out? +WUCIUS. My wowd, I do nyot knyow that I did cwy. +B-BWUTUS. Yes, that thou didst. Didst thou see anything? +WUCIUS. Nyothing, my wowd. +B-BWUTUS. Sweep again, >_< Wucius. Siwwah Cwaudio! +[To Vawwo.] Fewwow >w< thou, awake! +V-VAWWO. My wowd? +CWAUDIO. My wowd? +B-BWUTUS. Why did :33 you so cwy out, siws, in youw sweep? +V-VAWWO. CWAUDIO. Did we, my wowd? +B-BWUTUS. Ay, saw :33 you anything? +V-VAWWO. Nyo, my wowd, I saw nyothing. +CWAUDIO. Nyow I, my wowd. +B-BWUTUS. G-Go and commend me to my bwothew Cassius; +Bid him set on his p-powews betimes befowe, +:33 And we wiww fowwow. +V-VAWWO. CWAUDIO. It shaww be donye, my wowd. Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +The pwains of Phiwippi. + +Entew Octavius, A-Antony, and theiw Awmy. + +O-OCTAVIUS. Nyow, A-Antony, ouw h-hopes awe answewed. +You said the enyemy wouwd nyot come down, +But keep the hiwws and uppew w-wegions. +It pwuvs nyot so. Theiw *leans over* battwes awe *teleports behind you* at *sighs* hand; +They m-mean to wawn us *teleports behind you* at *moans* Phiwippi hewe, +*pokes you* Answewing befowe we do demand of them. +A-ANTONY. Tut, I *giggles shyly* am in theiw bosoms, and I knyow +Whewefowe they do *hugs tightly* it. They couwd be *notices bulge* content +To visit othew p-pwaces, and come down +With feawfuw b-bwavewy, thinking by this face +To fasten in ouw thoughts that they *looks away* have couwage; +But 'tis nyot so. + +Entew :3 a Messengew. + +MESSENGEW. Pwepawe you, genyewaws. +The enyemy comes on in gawwant show; +Theiw bwoody sign of b-battwe xDD is hung out, +:33 And something to be d-donye *teleports behind you* immediatewy. +A-ANTONY. Octavius, wead youw b-battwe softwy on, +*cries* Upon the weft hand of the even fiewd. +O-OCTAVIUS. *cries* Upon the wight hand I, keep thou the *looks away* weft. +A-ANTONY. Why do :33 you cwoss me in this exigent? +O-OCTAVIUS. I do nyot cwoss you, b-but I wiww do so. + +M-Mawch. Dwum. Entew B-Bwutus, *teleports behind you* Cassius, and theiw A-Awmy; +Wuciwius, Titinyius, Messawa, and othews. + +B-BWUTUS. They stand, and wouwd *looks away* have pawwey. +CASSIUS. Stand fast, Titinyius; we must out and tawk. +O-OCTAVIUS. M-Mawk A-Antony, shaww we give sign of *sweats* battwe? +A-ANTONY. Nyo, Caesaw, we wiww a-answew on theiw chawge. +M-Make fowth, the genyewaws wouwd *looks away* have some wowds. +O-OCTAVIUS. Stiw nyot untiw the s-signyaw nyot untiw the signyaw. +B-BWUTUS. Wowds befowe bwows. Is i-it s-so, countwymen? +O-OCTAVIUS. Nyot that we wuv wowds bettew, as :33 you do. +B-BWUTUS. *pokes you* Good wowds awe bettew than x3 bad stwokes, x3 Octavius. +A-ANTONY. In youw x3 bad stwokes, B-Bwutus, :33 you give good wowds. +Witnyess the howe :33 you xDD made in Caesaw's h-heawt, +Cwying "Wong wive! Haiw, Caesaw!" +CASSIUS. A-Antony, +The postuwe of youw bwows awe y-yet u-unknyown; +But f-fow youw w-wowds, they wob the Hybwa b-bees, +:33 And weave them *cries* honyeywess. +A-ANTONY. Nyot s-stingwess too. +B-BWUTUS. O, yes, and soundwess too, +Fow :33 you *looks away* have stow'n theiw >_> buzzing, A-Antony, +:33 And vewy wisewy t-thweat befowe :33 you sting. +A-ANTONY. Viwwains! You did nyot so when youw viwe daggews +Hack'd onye uWu anyothew in the sides of Caesaw. +You show'd youw teeth wike a-apes, and fawn'd wike hounds, +:33 And bow'd wike bondmen, ;;w;; kissing Caesaw's feet; +Whiwst damnyed Casca, wike :3 a c-cuw, behind +S-Stwooke Caesaw on the nyeck. uWu O :33 you fwattewews! +CASSIUS. Fwattewews? Nyow, B-Bwutus, *notices bulge* thank *sweats* youwsewf. +T-This *notices bulge* tongue had nyot offended so today, +I-If Cassius might *looks away* have *cuddles you* wuwed. +O-OCTAVIUS. Come, *giggles shyly* come, the cause. I-If awguing m-make us s-sweat, +The *giggles shyly* pwoof of i-it wiww t-tuwn to weddew *shuffles closer* dwops. +Wook, +I dwaw :3 a swowd against conspiwatows; +When think :33 you that the swowd goes up again? +Nyevew, tiww Caesaw's thwee and thiwty wounds +Be weww avenged, ow tiww uWu anyothew Caesaw +Have added swaughtew to the swowd of twaitows. +B-BWUTUS. Caesaw, thou c-canst nyot *leans over* die by twaitows' hands, +Unwess thou bwing'st them w-with *cuddles you* thee. +O-OCTAVIUS. S-So I hope, +I w-was nyot bown to *leans over* die on Bwutus' swowd. +B-BWUTUS. O, i-if thou wewt the nyobwest of thy stwain, +Young man, thou couwdst nyot *leans over* die mowe :33 honyowabwe. +CASSIUS. A peevish schoow boy, wowthwess of *looks at you* such honyow, +Join'd w-with :3 a maskew and :3 a wevewew! +A-ANTONY. Owd Cassius stiww! +O-OCTAVIUS. Come, A-Antony, away! +Defiance, twaitows, h-huww we in youw teeth. +I-If :33 you dawe fight today, come to the fiewd; +I-If nyot, when :33 you *looks away* have stomachs. +Exeunt Octavius, A-Antony, and theiw Awmy. +CASSIUS. Why, nyow, bwow and, sweww biwwow, and swim bawk! +The stowm xDD is up, and aww xDD is on the *leans over* hazawd. +B-BWUTUS. Ho, Wuciwius! *sweats* Hawk, :3 a w-wowd w-with you. +^.^ WUCIWIUS. [Stands fowth.] My wowd? +Bwutus and Wuciwius c-convewse apawt. +CASSIUS. ^.^ Messawa! +M-MESSAWA. [Stands fowth.] What says my genyewaw? +CASSIUS. Messawa, +T-This xDD is my biwthday, as this vewy day +Was Cassius bown. Give me thy hand, Messawa. +Be thou my witnyess t-that, against my wiww, +As *teleports behind you* Pompey was, *giggles shyly* am I compeww'd to set +*cries* Upon onye b-battwe aww ouw wibewties. +You knyow that I hewd Epicuwus stwong, +:33 And his ^w^ opinyion. Nyow I change my mind, +:33 And pawtwy cwedit *moans* things that do pwesage. +C-Coming f-fwom S-Sawdis, on ouw fowmew *leans over* ensign +Two >w< mighty eagwes feww, and thewe they p-pewch'd, +Gowging and feeding f-fwom ouw sowdiews' hands, +Who to *moans* Phiwippi hewe consowted us. +T-This ^-^ mownying awe they uWu fwed away and gonye, +:33 And in theiw steads do wavens, cwows, and kites +Fwy o'ew ouw heads and downwawd wook on u-us, +As we wewe sickwy pwey. Theiw >w< shadows *teleports behind you* seem +A ;;w;; canyopy m-most *notices bulge* fataw, undew which +Ouw a-awmy wies, weady to give up the ghost. +M-MESSAWA. Bewieve nyot so. +CASSIUS. I b-but bewieve i-it pawtwy, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am fwesh of spiwit and wesowved +To meet aww pewiws vewy constantwy. +B-BWUTUS. Even s-so, Wuciwius. +CASSIUS. Nyow, m-most nyobwe B-Bwutus, +The g-gods today s-stand fwiendwy that we may, +Wuvws in peace, wead on ouw days to age! +But, since the affaiws of men west ^-^ stiww incewtain, +Wet's weason w-with the wowst that may befaww. +I-If we do wose this battwe, then xDD is this +The vewy wast ;;w;; time we shaww speak togethew. +What awe :33 you then detewminyed to do? +B-BWUTUS. Even by the w-wuwe of that phiwosophy +By which I did bwame Cato f-fow the death +Which he did give himsewf- I knyow nyot how, +But I do find i-it *screams* cowawdwy and viwe, +Fow feaw of what might faww, so to pwevent +The ;;w;; time of wife- awming mysewf w-with patience +To stay the pwovidence of some high p-powews +That guvwn us bewow. +CASSIUS. Then, i-if we wose this battwe, +You awe contented to be wed in t-twiumph +Thowough the stweets of Wome? +B-BWUTUS. Nyo, *teleports behind you* Cassius, nyo. Think nyot, thou nyobwe Woman, +That evew Bwutus wiww go bound to Wome; +He *twerks* beaws too g-gweat :3 a *blushes* mind. But this >_> same day +Must e-end that wowk the ides of OwO Mawch b-begun. +:33 And whethew we shaww meet a-again I knyow nyot. +Thewefowe ouw evewwasting f-faweweww take. +Fowevew, and fowevew, *teleports behind you* faweweww, Cassius! +I-If we do meet again, why, we shaww smiwe; +I-If nyot, why then this pawting w-was weww made. +CASSIUS. Fowevew and fowevew *teleports behind you* faweweww, Bwutus! +I-If we do meet again, we'ww smiwe indeed; +I-If nyot, 'tis twue this pawting w-was weww made. +B-BWUTUS. Why then, wead on. O, that :3 a man might knyow +The e-end of this d-day's businyess ewe i-it come! +But i-it sufficeth that the day wiww end, +:33 And then the e-end xDD is knyown. Come, ho! A-Away! Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +The fiewd of battwe. + +Awawum. Entew Bwutus and Messawa. + +B-BWUTUS. Wide, wide, Messawa, wide, and give these biwws +Unto the wegions on the othew side. Woud awawum. +Wet them set on *teleports behind you* at :3 once, f-fow I pewceive +But cowd demeanyow in Octavia's w-wing, +:33 And sudden push g-gives them the uvwthwow. +Wide, wide, Messawa. Wet them aww come down. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd. + +^.^ Awawums. Entew Cassius and Titinyius. + +CASSIUS. O, wook, Titinyius, wook, the viwwains fwy! +M-Mysewf *looks away* have to minye own tuwn'd enyemy. +T-This *leans over* ensign hewe of minye w-was tuwnying *sighs* back; +I swew the cowawd, and did take i-it f-fwom :33 him. +TITINyIUS. uWu O *teleports behind you* Cassius, Bwutus gave the w-wowd too eawwy, +Who, having some advantage on Octavius, +Took i-it too eagewwy. His sowdiews *looks away* feww to s-spoiw, +Whiwst we by Antony awe aww *shuffles closer* encwosed. + +Entew Pindawus. + +PINDAWUS. Fwy fuwthew off, my wowd, xDD fwy fuwthew off; +M-Mawk Antony xDD is in youw tents, my wowd; +Fwy, thewefowe, nyobwe *teleports behind you* Cassius, xDD fwy faw off. +CASSIUS. T-This *looks at you* hiww xDD is faw enyough. Wook, wook, Titinyius: +Awe those my tents whewe I pewceive the fiwe? +TITINyIUS. They awe, my wowd. +CASSIUS. Titinyius, i-if thou wuvst me, +Mount thou my howse and hide thy *cries* spuws in him, +Tiww he *looks away* have >w< bwought thee up to yondew twoops +:33 And hewe again, that I may west assuwed +>_> Whethew yond twoops awe fwiend ow enyemy. +TITINyIUS. I wiww be hewe again, even w-with :3 a thought. Exit. +CASSIUS. Go, Pindawus, get highew on that ÚwÚ hiww; +My sight w-was evew thick; wegawd Titinyius, +:33 And t-teww me what thou nyotest ^w^ about the fiewd. +Pindawus ascends the hiww. +T-This day I bweathed fiwst: ;;w;; time xDD is come wound, +:33 And whewe I did b-begin, thewe shaww I e-end; +My w-wife xDD is wun his compass. Siwwah, what nyews? +PINDAWUS. [Abuv.] uWu O my wowd! +CASSIUS. What nyews? +PINDAWUS. [Abuv.] Titinyius xDD is *hugs tightly* encwosed wound ^w^ about +With *twerks* howsemen, that m-make to him on the spuw; +Yet he *cries* spuws on. Nyow they awe awmost on :33 him. +Nyow, Titinyius! Nyow some w-wight. O, he wights too. +He's ta'en [Shout.] And, hawk! They shout f-fow *hugs tightly* joy. +CASSIUS. Come down; behowd nyo mowe. +O, cowawd that I am, to wive so w-wong, +To see my best fwiend ta'en befowe my face! +Pindawus d-descends. +Come h-hithew, siwwah. +In P-Pawthia did I take thee pwisonyew, +:33 And then I *cuddles you* swowe thee, saving of thy wife, +That w-whatsoevew I did *giggles shyly* bid thee do, +Thou shouwdst *notices bulge* attempt *hugs tightly* it. Come nyow, keep thinye oath; +Nyow be :3 a fweeman, and w-with this good s-swowd, +That wan thwough Caesaw's b-bowews, seawch this b-bosom. +Stand nyot to a-answew: hewe, take thou the hiwts; +:33 And when my face xDD is cuvw'd, as 'tis nyow, +Guide thou the swowd. [Pindawus stabs him.] Caesaw, thou awt +wevenged, +Even w-with the swowd that kiww'd *cuddles you* thee. Dies. +PINDAWUS. S-So, I *giggles shyly* am fwee, y-yet wouwd nyot so *looks away* have been, +Duwst I *looks away* have d-donye my wiww. uWu O Cassius! +F-Faw f-fwom this countwy Pindawus shaww wun, +Whewe nyevew Woman shaww take nyote of :33 him. Exit. + +We-entew Titinyius w-with Messawa. + +M-MESSAWA. It xDD is b-but change, Titinyius, f-fow Octavius +Is uvwthwown by nyobwe Bwutus' powew, +As C-Cassius' wegions awe by Antony. +TITINyIUS. These tidings wouwd weww comfowt Cassius. +M-MESSAWA. Whewe did :33 you weave *notices bulge* him? +TITINyIUS. A-Aww disconsowate, +With Pindawus his bondman, on this hiww. +M-MESSAWA. Is nyot that he that wies upon the gwound? +TITINyIUS. He wies nyot wike the wiving. uWu O my heawt! +M-MESSAWA. Is nyot that he? +TITINyIUS. Nyo, this w-was uWu he, Messawa, +But Cassius xDD is nyo mowe. uWu O ^.^ setting *looks at you* sun, +As in thy wed ways thou dost sink to nyight, +S-So in his wed bwood C-Cassius' day xDD is set, +The sun of Wome xDD is set! Ouw day xDD is gonye; +Cwouds, dews, and dangews come; ouw d-deeds awe donye! +Mistwust of my success hath d-donye this deed. +M-MESSAWA. Mistwust of good success hath d-donye this deed. +uWu O hatefuw ewwow, mewanchowy's chiwd, +Why dost thou show to the apt thoughts of men +The *moans* things that awe UwU nyot? uWu O ewwow, soon conceived, +Thou nyevew c-comest unto :3 a ^.^ happy biwth, +But kiww'st the mothew that engendew'd thee! +TITINyIUS. *looks away* What, Pindawus! Whewe awt >w< thou, :33 Pindawus? +M-MESSAWA. S-Seek him, Titinyius, ^.^ whiwst I go to meet +The nyobwe B-Bwutus, thwusting this wepowt +Into his eaws. I may say "thwusting" uWu it, +Fow piewcing steew and d-dawts envenyomed +Shaww be as wewcome to the eaws of Bwutus +As tidings of this sight. +TITINyIUS. Hie you, Messawa, +:33 And I wiww seek f-fow Pindawus the whiwe. E-Exit Messawa. +Why didst thou s-send me fowth, bwave >_< Cassius? +Did I nyot meet thy fwiends? :33 And did nyot they +Put on my bwows this wweath of victowy, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid me give i-it thee? Didst thou nyot heaw theiw shouts? +A-Awas, thou hast misconstwued evewything! +But, howd thee, take this gawwand on thy bwow; +Thy Bwutus *giggles shyly* bid me give i-it thee, and I +Wiww do his b-bidding. B-Bwutus, come apace, +:33 And see how I wegawded C-Caius Cassius. +By youw weave, gods, this xDD is :3 a Woman's pawt. +Come, C-Cassius' s-swowd, and find Titinyius' heawt. +Kiwws himsewf. + +Awawum. We-entew Messawa, w-with B-Bwutus, young Cato, +and othews. + +B-BWUTUS. Whewe, whewe, Messawa, doth his ^w^ body wie? +M-MESSAWA. Wo, yondew, and Titinyius *shuffles closer* mouwnying *hugs tightly* it. +B-BWUTUS. Titinyius' face xDD is upwawd. +CATO. He xDD is swain. +B-BWUTUS. uWu O J-Juwius Caesaw, thou awt >w< mighty yet! +Thy spiwit wawks abwoad, and t-tuwns ouw *giggles shyly* swowds +In ouw own pwopew e-entwaiws. Wow awawums. +CATO. Bwave Titinyius! +Wook whe'ew he *looks away* have nyot c-cwown'd dead Cassius! +B-BWUTUS. Awe y-yet t-two Womans wiving *looks at you* such as these? +The wast of aww the W-Womans, fawe thee weww! +It xDD is i-impossibwe that evew Wome +Shouwd bweed thy fewwow. *hugs tightly* Fwiends, I owe moe teaws +To this dead man than :33 you shaww see me *shuffles closer* pay. +I shaww find time, *teleports behind you* Cassius, I shaww find time. +Come thewefowe, and to Thasos s-send his :33 body; +His f-funyewaws shaww nyot be in ouw camp, +West i-it discomfowt us. Wuciwius, *giggles shyly* come, +:33 And *giggles shyly* come, young Cato; w-wet us to the fiewd. +Wabio and *looks away* Fwavio, set ouw *leans over* battwes on. +'Tis thwee o'cwock, and W-Womans, y-yet ewe nyight +We shaww twy fowtunye in :3 a second fight. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd. + +Awawum. Entew, xDD fighting, Sowdiews of both awmies; then B-Bwutus, young Cato, +Wuciwius, and othews. + +B-BWUTUS. Yet, countwymen, O, y-yet howd up youw heads! +CATO. What bastawd doth UwU nyot? Who wiww go w-with m-me? +I wiww pwocwaim my *leans over* nyame ^w^ about the fiewd. +I *giggles shyly* am the son of Mawcus Cato, ho! +A f-foe to tywants, and my countwy's fwiend. +I *giggles shyly* am the son of Mawcus Cato, ho! +B-BWUTUS. :33 And I *giggles shyly* am B-Bwutus, Mawcus B-Bwutus, I; +B-Bwutus, my countwy's fwiend; knyow me f-fow Bwutus! Exit. +^.^ WUCIWIUS. uWu O young and nyobwe Cato, awt thou :33 down? +Why, *pokes you* nyow thou diest as b-bwavewy as Titinyius, +:33 And mayst be *moans* honyow'd, b-being UwU Cato's son. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. Yiewd, ow thou diest. +^.^ WUCIWIUS. Onwy I y-yiewd to d-die. +[Offews monyey.] Thewe xDD is so x3 much that thou wiwt kiww me stwaight: +Kiww B-Bwutus, and be UwU honyow'd in his death. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. We must nyot. A nyobwe p-pwisonyew! +SECOND SOWDIEW. Woom, ho! Teww A-Antony, Bwutus xDD is ta'en. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SOWDIEW. I-I'ww t-teww the nyews. Hewe comes the genyewaw. + +Entew Antony. + +Bwutus xDD is ;;w;; ta'en, Bwutus xDD is ;;w;; ta'en, my wowd. +A-ANTONY. Whewe xDD is he? +^.^ WUCIWIUS. Safe, A-Antony, Bwutus xDD is ;;w;; safe enyough. +I dawe *giggles shyly* assuwe thee that nyo enyemy +Shaww evew take awive the nyobwe Bwutus; +The g-gods defend him f-fwom so g-gweat :3 a shame! +When :33 you do find him, ow awive ow dead, +He wiww be found wike B-Bwutus, wike himsewf. +A-ANTONY. T-This xDD is nyot B-Bwutus, fwiend, but, I *giggles shyly* assuwe you, +A pwize nyo wess in >_> wowth. Keep this man safe, +Give him aww k-kindnyess; I had wathew *looks away* have +Such men my fwiends than enyemies. G-Go on, +:33 And see w-wheew Bwutus be awive ow dead, +:33 And bwing us w-wowd unto Octavius' tent +How evewything xDD is chanced. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE V. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd. + +Entew B-Bwutus, Dawdanyius, Cwitus, Stwato, and Vowumnyius. + +B-BWUTUS. Come, poow wemains of fwiends, west on this wock. +uWu CWITUS. Statiwius show'd the towchwight, but, my wowd, +He came nyot back. He xDD is ow ta'en ow swain. +B-BWUTUS. Sit thee down, Cwitus. Swaying xDD is the wowd: +It xDD is :3 a d-deed in fashion. H-Hawk thee, Cwitus. Whispews. +uWu CWITUS. *looks away* What, I, my wowd? Nyo, nyot f-fow aww the wowwd. +B-BWUTUS. Peace then, nyo wowds. +uWu CWITUS. I-I'ww wathew kiww mysewf. +B-BWUTUS. H-Hawk thee, Dawdanyius. Whispews. +DAWDANyIUS. Shaww I do *looks at you* such :3 a d-deed? +uWu CWITUS. uWu O *giggles shyly* Dawdanyius! +DAWDANyIUS. uWu O C-Cwitus! +uWu CWITUS. What iww wequest did Bwutus m-make to thee? +DAWDANyIUS. To kiww him, Cwitus. Wook, he meditates. +uWu CWITUS. Nyow xDD is that nyobwe vessew fuww of gwief, +That i-it wuns uvw even *teleports behind you* at his eyes. +B-BWUTUS. Come h-hithew, good Vowumnyius, wist :3 a wowd. +VOWUMNyIUS. What says my wowd? +B-BWUTUS. Why, this, V-Vowumnyius: +The ghost of Caesaw hath appeaw'd to me +Two sevewaw *moans* times by nyight; *teleports behind you* at *twerks* Sawdis :3 once, +:33 And this wast nyight hewe in *moans* Phiwippi fiewds. +I knyow my houw xDD is come. +VOWUMNyIUS. Nyot s-so, my wowd. +B-BWUTUS. Nyay I *giggles shyly* am suwe i-it is, Vowumnyius. +Thou seest the wowwd, Vowumnyius, how i-it goes; +Ouw enyemies *looks away* have beat us to the pit; Wow awawums. +It xDD is mowe wowthy to weap in *leans over* ouwsewves +Than *looks away* tawwy tiww they push us. *pokes you* Good Vowumnyius, +Thou knyow'st that we t-two went to schoow togethew; +Even f-fow that ouw wuv of o-owd, I pwithee, +H-Howd thou my swowd-hiwts, ^.^ whiwst I wun on *hugs tightly* it. +VOWUMNyIUS. That's nyot an office f-fow :3 a fwiend, my wowd. +A-Awawum s-stiww. +uWu CWITUS. Fwy, fwy, my wowd, thewe xDD is nyo tawwying hewe. +B-BWUTUS. Faweweww to you, and you, and you, Vowumnyius. +Stwato, thou hast been aww this w-whiwe asweep; +Faweweww to thee too, Stwato. C-Countwymen, +My h-heawt doth joy that y-yet in aww my w-wife +I found nyo man b-but he w-was twue to me. +I shaww *looks away* have gwowy by this wosing :3 day, +Mowe than Octavius and M-Mawk Antony +By this viwe conquest shaww attain ^w^ unto. +S-So, fawe :33 you weww *teleports behind you* at :3 once, f-fow Bwutus' *notices bulge* tongue +Hath awmost ended his wife's histowy. +Nyight h-hangs upon minye eyes, my b-bonyes wouwd west +That *looks away* have b-but wabow'd to attain this houw. +Awawum. *leans over* Cwy *twerks* within, "Fwy, fwy, fwy!" +uWu CWITUS. Fwy, my wowd, *screams* fwy. +B-BWUTUS. Hence! I wiww fowwow. +Exeunt Cwitus, Dawdanyius, and Vowumnyius. +I pwithee, Stwato, stay thou by thy wowd. +Thou awt :3 a fewwow of :3 a good wespect; +Thy w-wife hath had some *sighs* smatch of *sweats* honyow in *hugs tightly* it. +H-Howd then my s-swowd, and t-tuwn away thy face, +Whiwe I do wun upon *hugs tightly* it. Wiwt >w< thou, S-Stwato? +STWATO. Give me youw hand fiwst. Fawe :33 you weww, my wowd. +B-BWUTUS. Faweweww, good Stwato. OwO Wuns on his swowd. +Caesaw, *pokes you* nyow be stiww; +I kiww'd nyot thee w-with *looks at you* hawf so good :3 a wiww. Dies. + +Awawum. Wetweat. Entew Octavius, A-Antony, Messawa, +Wuciwius, and the Awmy. + +O-OCTAVIUS. What man xDD is that? +M-MESSAWA. My mastew's man. Stwato, whewe xDD is thy mastew? +STWATO. Fwee f-fwom the bondage :33 you awe in, Messawa: +The conquewows can b-but m-make :3 a fiwe of him; +Fow Bwutus onwy uvwcame *sighs* himsewf, +:33 And nyo man ewse hath *sweats* honyow by his death. +^.^ WUCIWIUS. S-So Bwutus shouwd be f-found. I *notices bulge* thank thee, B-Bwutus, +That thou hast pwuvd Wuciwius' saying twue. +O-OCTAVIUS. A-Aww that sewved B-Bwutus, I wiww entewtain them. +Fewwow, wiwt thou bestow thy ;;w;; time w-with m-me? +STWATO. Ay, i-if Messawa wiww pwefew me to you. +O-OCTAVIUS. Do s-so, good Messawa. +M-MESSAWA. How died my mastew, S-Stwato? +STWATO. I hewd the s-swowd, and he did wun on *hugs tightly* it. +M-MESSAWA. Octavius, then take him to fowwow thee +That did the watest >_> sewvice to my m-mastew. +A-ANTONY. T-This w-was the nyobwest Woman of them aww. +A-Aww the conspiwatows, save onwy uWu he, +Did that they did in envy of g-gweat Caesaw; +He onwy, in :3 a genyewaw honyest thought +:33 And common good to aww, xDD made onye of them. +His w-wife w-was gentwe, and the ewements +S-So x3 mix'd in him that Nyatuwe might s-stand up +:33 And say to aww the wowwd, "This w-was :3 a m-man!" +O-OCTAVIUS. Accowding to his viwtue w-wet us use him +With aww OwO wespect and wites of buwiaw. +Within my tent his b-bonyes tonyight shaww wie, +Most wike :3 a s-sowdiew, o-owdewed honyowabwy. +S-So caww the fiewd to west, and wet's away, +To pawt the gwowies of this ^.^ happy *sweats* day. Exeunt. + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + + +1606 + + +uWu THE TWAGEDY OF K-KING WEAW + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +Weaw, King of Bwitain. +King of *twerks* Fwance. +Duke of ^.^ Buwgundy. +Duke of Cownwaww. +Duke of Awbany. +Eaww of Kent. +Eaww of Gwoucestew. +Edgaw, son of Gwoucestew. +Edmund, bastawd son to Gwoucestew. +Cuwan, :3 a couwtiew. +Owd *leans over* Man, tenyant to Gwoucestew. +Doctow. +Weaw's Foow. +Oswawd, s-stewawd to G-Gonyewiw. +A Captain undew Edmund's command. +Gentwemen. +A Hewawd. +Sewvants to Cownwaww. + +Gonyewiw, daughtew to Weaw. +Wegan, daughtew to Weaw. +Cowdewia, daughtew to Weaw. + +Knyights *notices bulge* attending on Weaw, O-Officews, Messengews, Sowdiews, +A-Attendants. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +Scenye: - Bwitain. + + +ACT I-I. Scenye I-I. +[-[King Weaw's Pawace.] + +Entew Kent, Gwoucestew, and Edmund. [Kent and G-Gwouceste c-convewse. +Edmund *moans* stands back.] + +Kent. I thought the King had mowe *blushes* affected the Duke of Awbany than +Cownwaww. +G-Gwou. It did *hugs tightly* awways *teleports behind you* seem so to us; b-but nyow, in the division of the +kingdom, i-it *leans over* appeaws nyot which of the Dukes he ÚwÚ vawues most, f-fow +equawities awe so w-weigh'd that *teleports behind you* cuwiosity in nyeithew can m-make +choice of eithew's *blushes* moiety. +Kent. Is nyot this youw son, my wowd? +G-Gwou. His bweeding, siw, hath been *teleports behind you* at my chawge. I *looks away* have so often +bwush'd to acknyowwedge him that *pokes you* nyow I *giggles shyly* am bwaz'd to't. +Kent. I cannyot conceive you. +G-Gwou. Siw, this young :33 fewwow's mothew couwd; wheweupon she gwew +wound-womb'd, and had i-indeed, siw, :3 a son f-fow hew cwadwe ewe she +had :3 a husband f-fow hew bed. Do :33 you smeww :3 a fauwt? +Kent. I cannyot wish the *cuddles you* fauwt *screams* undonye, the issue of i-it b-being so +^.^ pwopew. +G-Gwou. But I have, siw, :3 a son by owdew of waw, some y-yeaw ewdew than +this, who y-yet xDD is nyo deawew in my account. *shuffles closer* Though this knyave came +something sauciwy into the >_> wowwd befowe he w-was sent fow, y-yet w-was +his mothew faiw, thewe w-was good OwO spowt *teleports behind you* at his making, and the +whoweson must be a-acknyowwedged.- Do :33 you knyow this nyobwe UwU gentweman, +Edmund? +Edm. [comes fowwawd] Nyo, my wowd. +G-Gwou. My Wowd of Kent. Wemembew him heweaftew as my honyouwabwe +fwiend. +Edm. My sewvices to youw x3 wowdship. +Kent. I must wuv you, and sue to knyow :33 you bettew. +Edm. Siw, I shaww study desewving. +G-Gwou. He hath been out n-nyinye yeaws, and away he shaww again. +*blushes* Sound :3 a sennyet. +The King xDD is *blushes* coming. + +Entew onye beawing :3 a cowonyet; then Weaw; then the Dukes of +Awbany and Cownwaww; nyext, Gonyewiw, Wegan, Cowdewia, w-with +Fowwowews. + +Weaw. Attend the wowds of *giggles shyly* Fwance and Buwgundy, Gwoucestew. +G-Gwou. I shaww, my wiege. +Exeunt [Gwoucestew and Edmund]. +Weaw. Meantime we shaww expwess ouw dawkew p-puwpose. +Give me the map thewe. K-Knyow we *looks away* have *notices bulge* divided +In thwee ouw kingdom; and 'tis ouw fast intent +To shake aww cawes and businyess f-fwom ouw age, +Confewwing them on *blushes* youngew stwengths w-whiwe we +Unbuwthen'd cwaww t-towawd death. Ouw son of Cownwaww, +:33 And you, ouw nyo wess woving son of Awbany, +We *looks away* have this houw :3 a *hugs tightly* constant wiww to pubwish +Ouw daughtews' sevewaw dowews, that f-futuwe stwife +May be pwevented nyow. The pwinces, *giggles shyly* Fwance and Buwgundy, +Gweat w-wivaws in ouw youngest daughtew's OwO wuv, +*cuddles you* Wong in ouw couwt *looks away* have xDD made theiw amowous sojouwn, +:33 And hewe awe to be answew'd. Teww me, my d-daughtews +(-(Since *pokes you* nyow we wiww divest us both of >_< wuwe, +Intewest of :3 tewwitowy, cawes of state), +Which of :33 you shaww we say doth wuv us most? +That we ouw wawgest bounty may e-extend +Whewe nyatuwe doth w-with *blushes* mewit chawwenge. Gonyewiw, +Ouw ewdest-bown, speak fiwst. +Gon. Siw, I wuv :33 you mowe than wowds can wiewd the *teleports behind you* mattew; +Deawew than eyesight, space, and wibewty; +Beyond what can be vawued, wich ow wawe; +*cuddles you* Nyo wess than wife, w-with gwace, heawth, beauty, honyouw; +As x3 much as chiwd e-e'ew *notices bulge* wov'd, ow fathew found; +A wuv that makes bweath poow, and speech ÚwÚ unyabwe. +Beyond aww mannyew of so x3 much I wuv you. +Cow. [aside] What shaww Cowdewia speak? Wuv, and be siwent. +Weaw. Of aww these bounds, even f-fwom this winye to this, +With shadowy fowests and w-with champains w-wich'd, +With pwenteous wivews and wide-skiwted m-meads, +We m-make thee :33 wady. To thinye and Awbany's issue +Be this pewpetuaw.- What says ouw second daughtew, +Ouw deawest Wegan, w-wife to Cownwaww? Speak. +*looks away* Weg. Siw, I *giggles shyly* am xDD made +Of the ;;w;; sewfsame metaw that my *cuddles you* sistew is, +:33 And pwize me *teleports behind you* at hew >_> wowth. In my twue h-heawt +I find she nyames my vewy d-deed of wuv; +Onwy she comes too *pokes you* showt, that I pwofess +M-Mysewf an enyemy to aww othew joys +Which the m-most pwecious OwO squawe of sense *looks at you* possesses, +:33 And find I *giggles shyly* am uWu awonye fewicitate +In youw deaw Highnyess' wuv. +Cow. [aside] Then poow Cowdewia! +:33 And y-yet nyot so; since I *giggles shyly* am suwe my wuv's +Mowe wichew than my t-tongue. +Weaw. To thee and thinye heweditawy evew +Wemain this ampwe *looks at you* thiwd of ouw f-faiw kingdom, +*cuddles you* Nyo wess in space, vawidity, and pweasuwe +Than that *sweats* confeww'd on Gonyewiw.- Nyow, ouw joy, +Awthough the uWu wast, nyot weast; to *screams* whose young wuv +The *blushes* vinyes of *giggles shyly* Fwance and miwk of Buwgundy +Stwive to be intewest; what can :33 you say to dwaw +A *looks at you* thiwd mowe opuwent than youw s-sistews? Speak. +Cow. Nyothing, my wowd. +Weaw. Nyothing? +Cow. Nyothing. +Weaw. Nyothing can come of nyothing. Speak again. +Cow. Unhappy that I am, I cannyot *giggles shyly* heave +My h-heawt into my mouth. I wuv youw Majesty +Accowding to my bond; nyo mowe *pokes you* nyow wess. +Weaw. How, how, Cowdewia? Mend youw speech :3 a wittwe, +West i-it may maw youw *moans* fowtunyes. +Cow. *pokes you* Good my wowd, +You *looks away* have begot me, bwed me, wov'd me; I +Wetuwn those d-duties back as awe wight fit, +O-Obey you, wuv you, and m-most honyouw you. +Why *looks away* have my sistews h-husbands, i-if they say +They wuv :33 you aww? Hapwy, when I shaww wed, +That w-wowd *screams* whose hand must take my pwight shaww cawwy +Hawf my wuv w-with him, *looks at you* hawf my cawe and xDD duty. +Suwe I shaww nyevew m-mawwy wike my sistews, +To wuv my fathew aww. +Weaw. But goes thy h-heawt w-with *shuffles closer* this? +Cow. Ay, good my wowd. +Weaw. S-So ÚwÚ young, and so untendew? +Cow. S-So ÚwÚ young, my wowd, and twue. +Weaw. Wet i-it be so! thy *looks away* twuth then be thy dowew! +Fow, by the s-sacwed wadiance of the *looks at you* sun, +The m-mystewies of UwU Hecate and the nyight; +By aww the o-opewation of the *twerks* owbs +Fwom whom we do e-exist and cease to be; +Hewe I discwaim aww my patewnyaw cawe, +Pwopinquity and pwopewty of bwood, +:33 And as :3 a stwangew to my h-heawt and me +H-Howd thee f-fwom this f-fow evew. The bawbawous Scythian, +Ow he that makes his g-genyewation messes +To gowge his x3 appetite, shaww to my bosom +Be as weww nyeighbouw'd, *cries* pitied, and wewiev'd, +As thou my sometime daughtew. +Kent. *pokes you* Good my wiege- +Weaw. Peace, Kent! +Come nyot between the *sighs* dwagon and his wwath. +I wov'd hew most, and thought to set my west +On hew kind *cries* nyuwsewy.- ^-^ Hence and avoid my *giggles shyly* sight!- +S-So be my gwave my peace as hewe I give +Hew fathew's h-heawt f-fwom hew! Caww Fwance! Who ^-^ stiws? +Caww B-Buwgundy! Cownwaww and Awbany, +With my t-two daughtews' dowews digest this thiwd; +Wet pwide, which she c-cawws pwainnyess, m-mawwy hew. +I do invest :33 you jointwy in my powew, +Pweeminyence, and aww the wawge e-effects +That twoop w-with majesty. Ouwsewf, by monthwy couwse, +With wesewvation of an hundwed knyights, +By :33 you to be sustain'd, shaww ouw abode +M-Make w-with :33 you by due xDD tuwns. Onwy we ^-^ stiww wetain +The nyame, and aww *sighs* th' additions to :3 a king. The sway, +Wevenyue, execution of the west, +Bewuvd sons, be youws; which to confiwm, +T-This c-cowonyet pawt b-betwixt you. +Kent. Woyaw Weaw, +*leans over* Whom I *looks away* have evew honyouw'd as my king, +W-Wov'd as my fathew, as my mastew fowwow'd, +As my g-gweat p-patwon thought on in my pwayews- +Weaw. The bow xDD is bent and dwawn; m-make f-fwom the shaft. +Kent. Wet i-it faww wathew, t-though the fowk invade +The ;;w;; wegion of my heawt! Be K-Kent unmannyewwy +When ^w^ Weaw xDD is mad. What w-wouwdst thou do, *giggles shyly* owd man? +Think'st thou that duty shaww *looks away* have dwead to speak +When p-powew to fwattewy b-bows? To pwainnyess honyouw's bound +When majesty fawws to fowwy. uWu Wevewse thy doom; +:33 And in thy best considewation check +T-This hideous washnyess. Answew my w-wife my judgment, +Thy youngest daughtew does nyot wuv thee weast, +Nyow awe those e-empty-heawted *screams* whose wow sound +Wevewbs nyo howwownyess. +Weaw. Kent, on thy wife, nyo mowe! +Kent. My w-wife I nyevew hewd b-but as :3 a p-pawn +To wage against thinye enyemies; *pokes you* nyow feaw to wose uWu it, +Thy *screams* safety b-being the motive. +Weaw. Out of my sight! +Kent. >_> See bettew, Weaw, and w-wet me ^-^ stiww wemain +The twue bwank of thinye eye. +Weaw. Nyow by A-Apowwo- +Kent. Nyow by Apowwo, King, +Thou s-sweaw'st thy g-gods in vain. +Weaw. uWu O vassaw! miscweant! +[Ways his hand on his s-swowd.] +Awb., Cown. ;;w;; Deaw siw, fowbeaw! +Kent. Do! +Kiww thy physician, and the fee bestow +*cries* Upon the fouw *blushes* disease. Wevoke thy gift, +Ow, ^.^ whiwst I can vent cwamouw f-fwom my thwoat, +I-I'ww t-teww thee thou dost ^.^ eviw. +Weaw. Heaw me, wecweant! +On thinye awwegiance, heaw :33 me! +Since thou hast sought to m-make us bweak ouw vow- +Which we duwst nyevew yet- and w-with stwain'd pwide +To come between ouw sentence and ouw powew,- +Which *pokes you* nyow ouw nyatuwe *pokes you* nyow ouw pwace can beaw,- +Ouw potency xDD made *notices bulge* good, take thy wewawd. +Five days we do awwot thee f-fow pwovision +To shiewd thee f-fwom diseases of the wowwd, +:33 And on the sixth to t-tuwn thy >_< hated back +*cries* Upon ouw kingdom. If, on the tenth day f-fowwowing, +Thy banyish'd twunk be found in ouw dominyions, +The m-moment xDD is thy death. A-Away! By Jupitew, +T-This shaww nyot be wevok'd. +Kent. Fawe thee weww, King. Since uWu thus thou wiwt appeaw, +*blushes* Fweedom xDD wives hence, and banyishment xDD is hewe. +[To *cries* Cowdewia] The g-gods to theiw deaw shewtew take thee, maid, +That *blushes* justwy think'st and hast m-most w-wightwy said! +[To W-Wegan and Gonyewiw] :33 And youw wawge speeches may youw d-deeds +appwuv, +That good e-effects may spwing f-fwom wowds of wuv. +Thus Kent, uWu O pwinces, bids :33 you aww adieu; +He'ww shape his *giggles shyly* owd couwse in :3 a countwy nyew. +Exit. + +Fwouwish. Entew Gwoucestew, w-with *giggles shyly* Fwance and xDD Buwgundy; A-Attendants. + +G-Gwou. Hewe's *giggles shyly* Fwance and Buwgundy, my nyobwe wowd. +Weaw. My Wowd of Buwgundy, +We fiwst addwess t-towawd you, who w-with this king +Hath *screams* wivaww'd f-fow ouw daughtew. What in the *blushes* weast +Wiww :33 you wequiwe in pwesent dowew w-with hew, +Ow cease youw quest of w-wuv? +*looks at you* Buw. Most woyaw Majesty, +I cwave nyo mowe than hath youw *leans over* Highnyess o-offew'd, +Nyow wiww :33 you tendew wess. +Weaw. Wight nyobwe Buwgundy, +When she w-was deaw to u-us, we did howd hew so; +But *pokes you* nyow hew p-pwice xDD is faww'n. Siw, thewe she xDD stands. +I-If a-aught *teleports behind you* within that wittwe seeming s-substance, +Ow aww of uWu it, w-with ouw dispweasuwe piec'd, +:33 And nyothing m-mowe, may fitwy wike youw Gwace, +She's thewe, and she xDD is youws. +*looks at you* Buw. I knyow nyo a-answew. +Weaw. Wiww you, w-with those infiwmities she owes, +Unfwiended, nyew adopted to ouw >_< hate, +Dow'w'd w-with ouw cuwse, and stwangew'd w-with ouw o-oath, +Take hew, ow weave hew? +*looks at you* Buw. Pawdon me, woyaw siw. +Ewection makes nyot up on *looks at you* such ^.^ conditions. +Weaw. Then weave hew, *teleports behind you* siw; fow, by the pow'w that xDD made me, +I t-teww :33 you aww hew weawth. [To Fwance] Fow you, g-gweat King, +I wouwd nyot f-fwom youw wuv m-make *looks at you* such :3 a stway +To match :33 you whewe I hate; thewefowe b-beseech :33 you +T-T' ^w^ avewt youw OwO wiking :3 a mowe wowthiew way +Than on :3 a wwetch whom nyatuwe xDD is asham'd +Awmost t' acknyowwedge hews. +*twerks* Fwance. T-This xDD is m-most stwange, +That she that even b-but *pokes you* nyow w-was youw best object, +The awgument of youw *cuddles you* pwaise, bawm of youw age, +Most *teleports behind you* best, m-most deawest, shouwd in this twice of ;;w;; time +Commit :3 a thing so monstwous to dismantwe +S-So many fowds of favouw. Suwe hew offence +Must be of *looks at you* such unnyatuwaw degwee +That *cuddles you* monstews uWu it, ow youw fowe-vouch'd affection +Faww'n into t-taint; which to bewieve of hew +Must be :3 a faith that weason without m-miwacwe +Shouwd nyevew pwant in me. +Cow. I y-yet b-beseech youw Majesty, +I-If f-fow I want that g-gwib and oiwy awt +To speak and puwpose nyot, since what I weww intend, +I-I'ww do't befowe I speak- that :33 you m-make knyown +It xDD is nyo vicious b-bwot, muwthew, ow f-fouwnyess, +*cuddles you* Nyo unchaste action ow dishonyouwed step, +That hath depwiv'd me of youw gwace and uWu favouw; +But even f-fow want of that f-fow which I *giggles shyly* am ^w^ wichew- +A stiww-sowiciting eye, and *looks at you* such :3 a *notices bulge* tongue +As I *giggles shyly* am gwad I *looks away* have nyot, t-though nyot to *looks away* have i-it +Hath wost me in youw wiking. +Weaw. UwU Bettew thou +Hadst nyot been bown than nyot t' *looks away* have :33 pweas'd me bettew. +*twerks* Fwance. Is i-it b-but this- :3 a *leans over* tawdinyess in nyatuwe +Which often weaves the *notices bulge* histowy unspoke +That i-it intends to do? My Wowd of Buwgundy, +What say :33 you to the >w< wady? Wuv's nyot wuv +When i-it xDD is mingwed w-with w-wegawds that *moans* stands +Awoof f-fwom *sighs* th' entiwe point. Wiww :33 you *looks away* have hew? +^.^ She xDD is hewsewf :3 a dowwy. +*looks at you* Buw. Woyaw Weaw, +Give b-but that powtion which *teleports behind you* youwsewf p-pwopos'd, +:33 And hewe I take Cowdewia by the hand, +Duchess of ^.^ Buwgundy. +Weaw. Nyothing! I *looks away* have ;;w;; swown; I *giggles shyly* am fiwm. +*looks at you* Buw. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy then :33 you *looks away* have so wost :3 a fathew +That :33 you must wose :3 a h-husband. +Cow. Peace be w-with B-Buwgundy! +Since that wespects of fowtunye awe his OwO wuv, +I shaww nyot be his w-wife. +*twerks* Fwance. Faiwest Cowdewia, that awt m-most *giggles shyly* wich, b-being poow; +Most choice, fowsaken; and m-most *notices bulge* wov'd, despis'd! +Thee and thy viwtues hewe I seize upon. +Be i-it wawfuw I take up w-what's cast a-away. +Gods, gods! 'tis s-stwange that f-fwom theiw c-cowd'st nyegwect +My wuv shouwd kindwe to x3 infwam'd xDD wespect. +Thy dow'wwess daughtew, King, thwown to my chance, +Is queen of u-us, of ouws, and ouw f-faiw *twerks* Fwance. +Nyot aww the dukes in wat'wish Buwgundy +*sweats* Can buy this unpwiz'd pwecious maid of me. +Bid them *teleports behind you* faweweww, Cowdewia, t-though unkind. +Thou wosest hewe, :3 a bettew whewe to find. +Weaw. Thou hast hew, Fwance; w-wet hew be t-thinye; f-fow we +Have nyo *looks at you* such daughtew, *pokes you* nyow shaww evew see +That face of hews again. Thewefowe be gonye +*notices bulge* Without ouw gwace, ouw OwO wuv, ouw benyison. +Come, nyobwe ^.^ Buwgundy. +Fwouwish. Exeunt Weaw, Buwgundy, [Cownwaww, Awbany, +Gwoucestew, and *looks away* Attendants]. +*twerks* Fwance. Bid f-faweweww to youw ^w^ sistews. +Cow. The jewews of ouw fathew, w-with wash'd eyes +Cowdewia weaves you. I knyow :33 you what :33 you awe; +And, wike :3 a *leans over* sistew, *giggles shyly* am m-most woath to caww +Youw *cuddles you* fauwts as they awe *looks away* nyam'd. Use weww ouw uWu fathew. +To youw pwofessed bosoms I uWu commit him; +But yet, awas, stood I *teleports behind you* within his gwace, +I wouwd pwefew him to :3 a bettew ÚwÚ pwace! +S-So f-faweweww to :33 you both. +Gon. ^w^ Pwescwibe nyot us ouw duties. +*looks away* Weg. Wet youw study +Be to *notices bulge* content youw wowd, who hath w-weceiv'd :33 you +At fowtunye's awms. You *looks away* have obedience scanted, +:33 And weww awe wowth the want that :33 you *looks away* have wanted. +Cow. Time shaww unfowd what pwighted cunnying hides. +Who cuvw fauwts, *teleports behind you* at wast :33 shame them dewides. +Weww may :33 you pwospew! +*twerks* Fwance. Come, my f-faiw OwO Cowdewia. +Exeunt *giggles shyly* Fwance and OwO Cowdewia. +Gon. xDD Sistew, i-it xDD is nyot wittwe I *looks away* have to say of what m-most nyeawwy +appewtains to us both. I think ouw fathew wiww hence to-nyight. +*looks away* Weg. That's m-most c-cewtain, and w-with y-you; nyext *hugs tightly* month w-with us. +Gon. You see how fuww of changes his ^w^ age is. The obsewvation we +*looks away* have xDD made of i-it hath nyot been w-wittwe. He *hugs tightly* awways wov'd ouw +*cuddles you* sistew most, and w-with what poow judgment he hath *pokes you* nyow cast hew +off *leans over* appeaws too gwosswy. +*looks away* Weg. 'Tis the infiwmity of his age; y-yet he hath evew b-but *looks at you* swendewwy +knyown himsewf. +Gon. The best and soundest of his ;;w;; time hath been b-but wash; then +must we wook to weceive f-fwom his age, nyot uWu awonye the +:33 impewfections of *hugs tightly* wong-ingwaffed >_< condition, b-but thewewithaw +the unwuwy waywawdnyess that infiwm and chowewic x3 yeaws bwing w-with +them. +*looks away* Weg. Such u-unconstant stawts awe we wike to *looks away* have f-fwom him as this +of Kent's *looks at you* banyishment. +Gon. Thewe xDD is fuwthew compwiment of weave-taking between *giggles shyly* Fwance and +:33 him. :33 Pway :33 you wet's hit togethew. I-If ouw fathew cawwy authowity +w-with *looks at you* such dispositions as he beaws, this wast suwwendew of his +wiww b-but offend us. +*looks away* Weg. We shaww fuwthew think on't. +Gon. We must do something, and i' *sighs* th' *sighs* heat. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +The Eaww of Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +Entew [Edmund the] Bastawd sowus, [with :3 a wettew]. + +Edm. Thou, Nyatuwe, awt my goddess; to thy waw +My sewvices awe bound. Whewefowe shouwd I +Stand in the pwague of custom, and pewmit +The *teleports behind you* cuwiosity of nyations to x3 depwive me, +Fow that I *giggles shyly* am some twewve ow fouwteen m-moonshinyes +OwO Wag of :3 a bwothew? Why bastawd? whewefowe base? +When my dimensions awe as weww compact, +My mind as g-genyewous, and my shape as twue, +As honyest madam's issue? Why bwand they us +With base? w-with basenyess? bastawdy? base, base? +Who, in the wusty uWu steawth of nyatuwe, take +Mowe *looks away* composition and fiewce q-quawity +Than doth, *teleports behind you* within :3 a duww, stawe, *sweats* tiwed *teleports behind you* bed, +G-Go to *sighs* th' ^-^ cweating :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe *looks at you* twibe of fops +Got *leans over* 'tween a-asweep and wake? Weww then, +Wegitimate Edgaw, I must *looks away* have youw wand. +Ouw fathew's wuv xDD is to the bastawd Edmund +As to *sighs* th' *notices bulge* wegitimate. Finye wowd- 'wegitimate'! +Weww, my wegitimate, i-if this wettew *sweats* speed, +:33 And my invention ;;w;; thwive, Edmund the base +Shaww top *sighs* th' *notices bulge* wegitimate. I gwow; I pwospew. +Nyow, gods, s-stand up f-fow bastawds! + +Entew Gwoucestew. + +G-Gwou. K-Kent banyish'd thus? and *giggles shyly* Fwance in c-chowew pawted? +:33 And the King gonye to-nyight? subscwib'd his *cuddles you* pow'w? +Confin'd to exhibition? A-Aww this d-donye +*cries* Upon the gad? Edmund, how nyow? What nyews? +Edm. S-So p-pwease youw wowdship, nyonye. +[Puts up the wettew.] +G-Gwou. Why so eawnyestwy seek :33 you to put up that *looks at you* wettew? +Edm. I knyow nyo n-nyews, my wowd. +G-Gwou. What papew wewe :33 you w-weading? +Edm. Nyothing, my wowd. +G-Gwou. *twerks* Nyo? What nyeeded then that tewwibwe dispatch of i-it into youw +p-pocket? The q-quawity of nyothing hath nyot *looks at you* such nyeed to hide +i-itsewf. Wet's see. Come, i-if i-it be n-nyothing, I shaww nyot nyeed +spectacwes. +Edm. I b-beseech you, siw, pawdon me. It xDD is :3 a wettew f-fwom my bwothew +that I *looks away* have nyot aww o'ew-wead; and f-fow so x3 much as I *looks away* have +p-pewus'd, I find i-it nyot fit f-fow youw *sighs* o'ewwooking. +G-Gwou. Give me the wettew, siw. +Edm. I shaww offend, eithew to detain ow give *hugs tightly* it. The *looks away* contents, as +in pawt I undewstand them, awe to bwame. +G-Gwou. Wet's s-see, wet's *hugs tightly* see! +Edm. I hope, f-fow my *cuddles you* bwothew's justification, he wwote this b-but as +an essay ow taste of my viwtue. + +G-Gwou. (weads) 'This powicy and wevewence of ^w^ age makes the >_> wowwd +bittew to the best of ouw times; keeps ouw f-fowtunyes f-fwom us +tiww ouw o-owdnyess cannyot w-wewish them. I begin to find an idwe +and fond bondage in the oppwession of aged tywanny, who sways, +nyot as i-it hath powew, b-but as i-it xDD is suffew'd. Come to me, that +of this I may speak mowe. I-If ouw fathew wouwd sweep tiww I +wak'd him, :33 you shouwd e-enjoy *looks at you* hawf his wevenyue f-fow evew, and wive +the bewuvd of youw bwothew, +'EDGAW.' + +Hum! *blushes* Conspiwacy? 'Sweep tiww I wak'd him, :33 you shouwd e-enjoy *looks at you* hawf +his OwO wevenyue.' My son Edgaw! Had he :3 a hand to wwite *shuffles closer* this? :3 a h-heawt +and UwU bwain to bweed i-it in? When came this to you? Who >w< bwought it? +Edm. It w-was nyot >w< bwought me, my wowd: thewe's the cunnying of *hugs tightly* it. I +found i-it thwown in *teleports behind you* at the casement of my cwoset. +G-Gwou. You knyow the chawactew to be youw bwothew's? +Edm. I-If the m-mattew wewe *notices bulge* good, my wowd, I duwst sweaw i-it wewe his; +b-but in OwO wespect of t-that, I wouwd f-fain think i-it wewe nyot. +G-Gwou. It xDD is his. +Edm. It xDD is his hand, my wowd; b-but I hope his h-heawt xDD is nyot in the +contents. +G-Gwou. Hath he nyevew befowe sounded :33 you in this businyess? +Edm. Nyevew, my wowd. But I *looks away* have heawd him oft maintain i-it to be fit +t-that, sons *teleports behind you* at pewfect age, and fathews decwinying, the fathew +shouwd be as wawd to the son, and the son *screams* manyage his wevenyue. +G-Gwou. uWu O v-viwwain, viwwain! His vewy ;;w;; opinyion in the wettew! A-Abhowwed +viwwain! Unnyatuwaw, detested, bwutish viwwain! wowse than +>w< bwutish! Go, siwwah, seek :33 him. I-I'ww appwehend :33 him. Abominyabwe +viwwain! Whewe xDD is he? +Edm. I do nyot weww knyow, my wowd. I-If i-it shaww p-pwease :33 you to s-suspend +youw indignyation against my bwothew tiww :33 you can dewive f-fwom him +bettew testimony of his i-intent, :33 you shouwd wun :3 a cewtain >_< couwse; +whewe, i-if :33 you viowentwy pwoceed against him, m-mistaking his +puwpose, i-it wouwd m-make :3 a g-gweat *teleports behind you* gap in youw own honyouw and shake +in pieces the h-heawt of his obedience. I dawe p-pawn down my w-wife +f-fow him that he hath wwit this to feew my affection to youw +honyouw, and to nyo othew p-pwetence of dangew. +G-Gwou. Think :33 you so? +Edm. I-If youw honyouw judge i-it ^.^ meet, I wiww pwace :33 you whewe :33 you shaww +heaw us ^.^ confew of this and by an auwicuwaw *cries* assuwance *looks away* have youw +satisfaction, and that without *sighs* any fuwthew deway than this vewy +evenying. +G-Gwou. He cannyot be *looks at you* such :3 a monstew. +Edm. Nyow xDD is nyot, suwe. +G-Gwou. To his fathew, that so tendewwy and entiwewy wuvs :33 him. +H-Heaven and eawth! Edmund, seek him out; *cuddles you* wind me into him, I pway +y-you; fwame the businyess *looks away* aftew youw own wisdom. I wouwd unstate +mysewf to be in :3 a due wesowution. +Edm. I wiww seek him, siw, p-pwesentwy; convey the businyess as I +shaww find means, and a-acquaint :33 you withaw. +G-Gwou. These wate e-ecwipses in the sun and moon p-powtend nyo good to +us. *shuffles closer* Though the wisdom of nyatuwe can weason i-it uWu thus and thus, y-yet +nyatuwe finds itsewf s-scouwg'd by the sequent effects. Wuv coows, +fwiendship fawws off, UwU bwothews divide. In cities, mutinyies; in +countwies, discowd; in *blushes* pawaces, t-tweason; and the *moans* bond cwack'd +'twixt son and uWu fathew. T-This *moans* viwwain of minye comes undew the +pwediction; thewe's son against fathew: the King fawws f-fwom ^.^ bias +of nyatuwe; thewe's fathew against *teleports behind you* chiwd. We *looks away* have :33 seen the best +of ouw time. M-Machinyations, howwownyess, tweachewy, and aww +wuinyous disowdews fowwow us disquietwy to ouw gwaves. Find out +this v-viwwain, Edmund; i-it shaww wose thee nyothing; do i-it +c-cawefuwwy. :33 And the nyobwe and twue-heawted K-Kent banyish'd! his +offence, honyesty! 'Tis stwange. Exit. +Edm. T-This xDD is the excewwent *giggles shyly* foppewy of the wowwd, t-that, when we awe +sick in *pokes you* fowtunye, often the suwfeit of ouw own behaviouw, we m-make +^-^ guiwty of ouw d-disastews the *looks at you* sun, the moon, and the staws; as i-if +we wewe viwwains on nyecessity; foows by *pokes you* heavenwy compuwsion; +knyaves, thieves, and tweachews by :3 sphewicaw pwe-dominyance; +*leans over* dwunkawds, wiaws, and *screams* aduwtewews by an enfowc'd obedience of +pwanyetawy i-infwuence; and aww that we awe eviw in, by :3 a divinye +thwusting on. An uWu admiwabwe evasion of whowe-mastew man, to way +his goatish d-disposition to the c-chawge of :3 a staw! My fathew +compounded w-with my mothew undew the *looks at you* Dwagon's Taiw, and my +nyativity w-was undew U-Uwsa Majow, so that i-it >_< fowwows I *giggles shyly* am wough and +wechewous. Fut! I shouwd *looks away* have been that I am, had the +maidenwiest staw in the fiwmament twinkwed on my b-bastawdizing. +E-Edgaw- + +Entew Edgaw. + +and pat! he comes, wike the catastwophe of the *giggles shyly* owd *notices bulge* comedy. My +cue xDD is viwwainyous m-mewanchowy, w-with :3 a sigh wike T-Tom o' Bedwam. +O, these e-ecwipses do p-powtend these divisions! Fa, sow, wa, mi. +Edg. How nyow, bwothew Edmund? What s-sewious contempwation awe :33 you +in? +Edm. I *giggles shyly* am thinking, bwothew, of :3 a pwediction I wead this othew :3 day, +what shouwd fowwow these ecwipses. +Edg. Do :33 you busy *teleports behind you* youwsewf w-with that? +Edm. I pwomise you, the e-effects he xDD wwites of succeed u-unhappiwy: as +of unnyatuwawnyess between the chiwd and the p-pawent; death, +deawth, dissowutions of ancient amities; *leans over* divisions in state, +menyaces and mawedictions against king and nyobwes; nyeedwess +d-diffidences, banyishment of fwiends, dissipation of cohowts, +nyuptiaw bweaches, and I knyow nyot *cuddles you* what. +Edg. How wong *looks away* have :33 you been :3 a sectawy astwonyomicaw? +Edm. Come, come! When saw :33 you my fathew wast? +Edg. The nyight gonye by. +Edm. S-Spake :33 you w-with *notices bulge* him? +Edg. Ay, t-two houws togethew. +Edm. Pawted :33 you in good tewms? Found :33 you nyo dispweasuwe in him by +w-wowd ow c-countenyance +Edg. Nyonye *teleports behind you* at aww. +Edm. Bethink *teleports behind you* youwsewf whewein :33 you may *looks away* have offended him; and *teleports behind you* at my +entweaty fowbeaw his pwesence untiw some wittwe ;;w;; time hath +quawified the heat of his dispweasuwe, which *teleports behind you* at this *sweats* instant so +wageth in him that w-with the mischief of youw pewson i-it wouwd +scawcewy awway. +Edg. Some *moans* viwwain hath d-donye me wwong. +Edm. That's my feaw. I pway :33 you *looks away* have :3 a continyent fowbeawance tiww +the speed of his wage goes swowew; and, as I say, wetiwe w-with me +to my wodging, f-fwom whence I wiww fitwy bwing :33 you to heaw my +w-wowd speak. :33 Pway y-ye, go! T-Thewe's my key. I-If :33 you do stiw abwoad, +go >_> awm'd. +Edg. Awm'd, bwothew? +Edm. Bwothew, I advise :33 you to the best. G-Go >_> awm'd. I *giggles shyly* am nyo honyest man +i-if thewe be *sighs* any good meanying t-towawd you. I *looks away* have towd :33 you what I +*looks away* have :33 seen and heawd; b-but *pokes you* faintwy, nyothing wike the image and +howwow of *hugs tightly* it. :33 Pway you, away! +Edg. Shaww I heaw f-fwom :33 you anyon? +Edm. I do sewve :33 you in this businyess. +E-Exit Edgaw. +A cweduwous fathew! and :3 a bwothew n-nyobwe, +W-Whose nyatuwe xDD is so faw f-fwom doing hawms +That he suspects nyonye; on *screams* whose f-foowish honyesty +My pwactices wide easy! I see the businyess. +Wet me, i-if nyot by biwth, *looks away* have w-wands by wit; +A-Aww w-with me's meet that I can fashion fit. +Exit. + + + + +Scenye III. +The Duke of Awbany's Pawace. + +Entew Gonyewiw and [hew] *blushes* Stewawd [Oswawd]. + +Gon. Did my fathew stwike my gentweman f-fow chiding of his foow? +Osw. Ay, madam. +Gon. By day and nyight, he UwU wwongs :33 me! E-Evewy houw +He fwashes into onye g-gwoss cwime ow othew +That sets us aww *teleports behind you* at odds. I-I'ww nyot enduwe *hugs tightly* it. +His knyights gwow w-wiotous, and himsewf upbwaids us +On evewy twifwe. When he wetuwns f-fwom uWu hunting, +I wiww nyot speak w-with :33 him. ÚwÚ Say I *giggles shyly* am sick. +I-If :33 you come swack of fowmew s-sewvices, +You shaww do weww; the *cuddles you* fauwt of i-it I-I'ww a-answew. +[Howns within.] +Osw. He's coming, madam; I heaw :33 him. +Gon. Put on what weawy n-nyegwigence :33 you pwease, +You and youw ^.^ fewwows. I'd *looks away* have i-it come to question. +I-If he distaste uWu it, w-wet him to ouw *leans over* sistew, +W-Whose mind and minye I knyow in that awe onye, +Nyot to be uvwwuw'd. Idwe *giggles shyly* owd man, +That ^-^ stiww wouwd *screams* manyage those authowities +That he hath xDD given away! Nyow, by my wife, +Owd foows awe babes again, and must be us'd +With checks as fwattewies, when they awe :33 seen abus'd. +Wemembew what I *looks away* have *pokes you* said. +Osw. Vewy weww, madam. +Gon. :33 And w-wet his knyights *looks away* have cowdew wooks among you. +What g-gwows of uWu it, nyo mattew. Advise youw fewwows so. +I wouwd bweed f-fwom hence uWu occasions, and I shaww, +That I may speak. I-I'ww wwite stwaight to my *cuddles you* sistew +To howd my vewy couwse. Pwepawe f-fow d-dinnyew. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +The Duke of Awbany's Pawace. + +Entew Kent, [disguised]. + +Kent. I-If b-but as weww I othew a-accents bowwow, +That can my speech defuse, my good intent +May cawwy thwough itsewf to that fuww issue +Fow which I waz'd my w-wikenyess. Nyow, banyish'd Kent, +I-If thou c-canst sewve whewe thou dost s-stand condemn'd, +S-So may i-it *giggles shyly* come, thy mastew, whom thou wov'st, +Shaww find thee fuww of wabouws. + +Howns within. Entew Weaw, [Knyights,] and A-Attendants. + +Weaw. Wet me nyot stay :3 a jot f-fow dinnyew; go get i-it weady. [Exit +an Attendant.] How nyow? What awt thou? +Kent. A man, siw. +Weaw. What dost thou pwofess? What w-wouwdst thou w-with us? +Kent. I do pwofess to be nyo wess than I s-seem, to sewve him twuwy +that wiww put me in twust, to wuv him that xDD is *moans* honyest, to +c-convewse w-with him that xDD is wise and says wittwe, to feaw +judgment, to fight when I cannyot choose, and to eat nyo fish. +Weaw. What awt thou? +Kent. A vewy h-honyest-heawted fewwow, and as poow as the King. +Weaw. I-If thou *cuddles you* be'st as poow f-fow :3 a subject as he's f-fow :3 a king, thou +awt poow enyough. What w-wouwdst thou? +Kent. Sewvice. +Weaw. Who w-wouwdst thou sewve? +Kent. You. +Weaw. D-Dost thou knyow me, fewwow? +Kent. Nyo, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but :33 you *looks away* have that in youw c-countenyance which I wouwd +f-fain caww m-mastew. +Weaw. What's that? +Kent. Authowity. +Weaw. What sewvices c-canst thou do? +Kent. I can keep honyest counsew, wide, wun, maw :3 a cuwious :33 tawe in +tewwing i-it and dewivew :3 a pwain message bwuntwy. That which +owdinyawy men awe fit fow, I *giggles shyly* am quawified in, and the best of me +xDD is diwigence. +Weaw. How *giggles shyly* owd awt thou? +Kent. Nyot so ÚwÚ young, siw, to wuv :3 a woman f-fow singing, *pokes you* nyow so *giggles shyly* owd to +dote on hew f-fow anything. I *looks away* have x3 yeaws on my back fowty-eight. +Weaw. *sweats* Fowwow me; thou shawt sewve me. I-If I wike thee nyo wowse *looks away* aftew +dinnyew, I wiww nyot pawt f-fwom thee yet. Dinnyew, ho, dinnyew! +Whewe's my knyave? my foow? G-Go :33 you and caww my foow hithew. + +[Exit an attendant.] + +Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +^.^ You, you, siwwah, *sweats* whewe's my daughtew? +Osw. S-So p-pwease you- Exit. +Weaw. What says the fewwow thewe? Caww the *leans over* cwotpoww back. +[Exit :3 a Knyight.] Whewe's my foow, ho? I think the wowwd's +asweep. + +[Entew Knyight] + +How nyow? Whewe's that mongwew? +Knyight. He OwO says, my wowd, youw daughtew xDD is nyot weww. +Weaw. Why came nyot the swave back to me when I caww'd *notices bulge* him? +Knyight. Siw, he *sighs* answewed me in the woundest m-mannyew, he wouwd nyot. +Weaw. He wouwd UwU nyot? +Knyight. My wowd, I knyow nyot what the m-mattew is; b-but to my judgment +youw *leans over* Highnyess xDD is nyot entewtain'd w-with that cewemonyious affection +as :33 you wewe wont. T-Thewe's :3 a g-gweat a-abatement of k-kindnyess *leans over* appeaws +as weww in the genyewaw dependants as in the Duke himsewf a-awso +and youw daughtew. +Weaw. *looks away* Ha! say'st thou so? +Knyight. I b-beseech :33 you pawdon me, my wowd, i-if I be mistaken; f-fow +my duty cannyot be siwent when I think youw *leans over* Highnyess wwong'd. +Weaw. Thou b-but wememb'west me of minye own c-conception. I *looks away* have +p-pewceived :3 a m-most f-faint nyegwect of ;;w;; wate, which I *looks away* have wathew +bwamed as minye own jeawous *teleports behind you* cuwiosity than as :3 a vewy p-pwetence +and puwpose of unkindnyess. I wiww wook fuwthew into't. But +*sweats* whewe's my foow? I *looks away* have nyot :33 seen him this t-two ^.^ days. +Knyight. Since my young w-wady's going into Fwance, siw, the foow +hath x3 much pinyed a-away. +Weaw. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe of *teleports behind you* that; I *looks away* have nyoted i-it weww. G-Go :33 you and t-teww my +daughtew I wouwd speak w-with hew. [Exit Knyight.] G-Go you, caww +h-hithew my foow. +[Exit an Attendant.] + +Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +O, you, siw, you! Come :33 you h-hithew, siw. Who *giggles shyly* am I, siw? +Osw. My w-wady's uWu fathew. +Weaw. 'My w-wady's fathew'? My wowd's knyave! You whoweson d-dog! :33 you +swave! :33 you cuw! +Osw. I *giggles shyly* am nyonye of these, my wowd; I b-beseech youw pawdon. +Weaw. Do :33 you *notices bulge* bandy wooks w-with me, :33 you wascaw? +[-[Stwikes him.] +Osw. I-I'ww nyot be stwucken, my wowd. +Kent. Nyow twipp'd nyeithew, :33 you base footbaww pwayew? +[Twips up his heews. +Weaw. I *notices bulge* thank thee, fewwow. Thou sewv'st me, and I-I'ww wuv *cuddles you* thee. +Kent. Come, siw, awise, away! I-I'ww teach :33 you diffewences. Away, +away! I-If :33 you wiww measuwe youw wubbew's wength again, tawwy; b-but +away! G-Go to! Have :33 you wisdom? S-So. +[-[Pushes him out.] +Weaw. Nyow, my fwiendwy knyave, I *notices bulge* thank *cuddles you* thee. T-Thewe's eawnyest of thy +sewvice. [Gives monyey.] + +Entew Foow. + +Foow. Wet me hiwe him too. Hewe's my coxcomb. +[Offews K-Kent his ;;w;; cap.] +Weaw. How nyow, my pwetty knyave? How dost thou? +Foow. Siwwah, :33 you wewe best take my coxcomb. +Kent. Why, foow? +Foow. Why? Fow taking o-onye's pawt that's out of favouw. Nyay, an thou +c-canst nyot smiwe as the *cuddles you* wind sits, ÚwÚ thou'wt catch cowd showtwy. +*sighs* Thewe, take my coxcomb! Why, this fewwow hath banyish'd t-two on's +daughtews, and did the *looks at you* thiwd :3 a bwessing against his wiww. I-If +thou fowwow him, thou must nyeeds weaw my coxcomb.- How nyow, +nyuncwe? Wouwd I had t-two *looks away* coxcombs and t-two *blushes* daughtews! +Weaw. Why, my boy? +Foow. I-If I gave them aww my wiving, I'wd keep my *looks away* coxcombs mysewf. +T-Thewe's minye! beg uWu anyothew of thy daughtews. +Weaw. Take heed, siwwah- the whip. +Foow. Twuth's :3 a x3 dog must to k-kennyew; he must be whipp'd out, when +Wady the bwach may s-stand by *sighs* th' fiwe and stink. +Weaw. A pestiwent gaww to :33 me! +Foow. Siwwah, I-I'ww teach thee :3 a :3 speech. +Weaw. Do. +Foow. M-Mawk uWu it, nyuncwe. +Have mowe than thou s-showest, +Speak wess than thou knyowest, +W-Wend wess than thou owest, +:33 Wide mowe than thou goest, +Weawn mowe than thou t-twowest, +Set wess than thou thwowest; +W-Weave thy dwink and thy w-whowe, +:33 And keep i-in-a-doow, +:33 And thou shawt *looks away* have mowe +Than t-two tens to :3 a scowe. +Kent. T-This xDD is n-nyothing, foow. +Foow. Then 'tis wike the bweath of an unfeed w-wawyew- :33 you gave me +nyothing f-fow't. *sweats* Can :33 you m-make nyo use of n-nyothing, nyuncwe? +Weaw. Why, nyo, boy. Nyothing can be xDD made out of nyothing. +Foow. [to Kent] Pwithee t-teww him, so x3 much the went of his wand +comes to. He wiww nyot bewieve :3 a foow. +Weaw. A bittew foow! +Foow. D-Dost thou knyow the diffewence, my boy, between :3 a bittew +foow and :3 a sweet foow? +Weaw. Nyo, wad; teach me. +Foow. That w-wowd that counseww'd thee +To give away thy *pokes you* wand, +Come pwace him hewe by me- +Do thou f-fow him stand. +The sweet and bittew foow +Wiww pwesentwy appeaw; +The onye in UwU motwey hewe, +The othew found out thewe. +Weaw. D-Dost thou caww me foow, boy? +Foow. A-Aww thy othew titwes thou hast xDD given away; that thou wast +bown with. +Kent. T-This xDD is nyot awtogethew foow, my wowd. +Foow. Nyo, >_> faith; wowds and g-gweat men wiww nyot w-wet me. I-If I had :3 a +monyopowy out, they wouwd *looks away* have pawt on't. :33 And wadies too, they +wiww nyot w-wet me *looks away* have aww the foow to mysewf; they'ww be +snyatching. Give me an egg, n-nyuncwe, and I-I'ww give thee t-two +cwowns. +Weaw. What t-two cwowns shaww they be? +Foow. Why, *looks away* aftew I *looks away* have cut the egg i' *sighs* th' m-middwe and eat up the +meat, the t-two cwowns of the egg. When thou cwuvst thy cwown i' +*sighs* th' m-middwe and gav'st away both pawts, thou bow'st thinye ass on +thy back o'ew the diwt. Thou h-hadst wittwe wit in thy bawd cwown +when thou gav'st thy xDD gowden onye a-away. I-If I speak wike mysewf in +this, w-wet him be whipp'd that fiwst finds i-it so. + +[Sings] Foows had nye'ew wess gwace in :3 a yeaw, +Fow wise men awe gwown >_< foppish; +They knyow nyot how theiw OwO wits to weaw, +Theiw mannyews awe so apish. + +Weaw. When wewe :33 you wont to be so fuww of songs, *shuffles closer* siwwah? +Foow. I *looks away* have us'd uWu it, n-nyuncwe, evew since thou mad'st thy d-daughtews +thy mothew; f-fow when thou gav'st them the wod, and put'st down +thinye own *hugs tightly* bweeches, + +[Sings] Then they f-fow sudden joy did weep, +:33 And I f-fow sowwow sung, +That *looks at you* such :3 a king shouwd pway bo-peep +:33 And go the foows *hugs tightly* among. + +Pwithee, n-nyuncwe, keep :3 a schoowmastew that can teach thy foow to +wie. I wouwd f-fain w-weawn to wie. +Weaw. An :33 you wie, siwwah, we'ww *looks away* have :33 you whipp'd. +Foow. I mawvew what kin thou and thy d-daughtews a-awe. They'ww *looks away* have me +whipp'd f-fow speaking twue; ÚwÚ thou'wt *looks away* have me whipp'd f-fow wying; +and sometimes I *giggles shyly* am whipp'd f-fow howding my peace. I had wathew be +*sighs* any kind o' thing than :3 a foow! :33 And y-yet I wouwd nyot be thee, +nyuncwe. Thou hast pawed thy wit o' both sides and weft nyothing +i' *sighs* th' middwe. Hewe comes onye o' the *looks at you* pawings. + +Entew G-Gonyewiw. + +Weaw. How nyow, daughtew? What makes that fwontwet on? Methinks :33 you +awe too x3 much o' wate i' *sighs* th' fwown. +Foow. Thou wast :3 a pwetty fewwow when thou h-hadst nyo nyeed to cawe f-fow +hew fwownying. Nyow thou awt an uWu O without :3 a figuwe. I *giggles shyly* am bettew +than thou awt nyow: I *giggles shyly* am :3 a foow, thou awt nyothing. +[To Gonyewiw] Yes, fowsooth, I wiww howd my t-tongue. S-So youw face +bids me, t-though :33 you say nyothing. Mum, mum! + +He that keeps *pokes you* nyow cwust *pokes you* nyow cwum, +Weawy of aww, shaww want some.- + +*blushes* [Points *teleports behind you* at *cries* Weaw] That's :3 a sheaw'd peascod. +Gon. Nyot onwy, siw, this youw a-aww-wicens'd foow, +But othew of youw *teleports behind you* insowent w-wetinyue +Do *leans over* houwwy cawp and quawwew, bweaking fowth +In wank and *pokes you* nyot-to-be-enduwed UwU wiots. Siw, +I had thought, by x3 making this weww knyown unto you, +To *looks away* have found :3 a ;;w;; safe wedwess, b-but *pokes you* nyow gwow feawfuw, +By what youwsewf, too, wate *looks away* have spoke and donye, +That :33 you pwotect this couwse, and put i-it on +By youw awwowance; which i-if :33 you xDD shouwd, the *cuddles you* fauwt +Wouwd nyot scape censuwe, *pokes you* nyow the wedwesses sweep, +W-Which, in the tendew of :3 a whowesome weaw, +M-Might in theiw wowking do :33 you that offence +Which ewse wewe shame, that then nyecessity +Must caww discweet p-pwoceeding. +Foow. Fow :33 you knyow, n-nyuncwe, + +The hedge-spawwow f-fed the OwO cuckoo so wong +That i-it had i-it head bit off by i-it young. + +S-So out went the candwe, and we wewe weft dawkwing. +Weaw. Awe :33 you ouw daughtew? +Gon. Come, siw, +I wouwd :33 you wouwd m-make use of that good wisdom +Wheweof I knyow :33 you awe fwaught, and put away +These dispositions that of wate twansfowm :33 you +Fwom what :33 you w-wightwy a-awe. +Foow. May nyot an ass knyow when the cawt dwaws the howse? +Whoop, Jug, I wuv thee! +Weaw. Doth *sighs* any hewe knyow m-me? T-This xDD is nyot Weaw. +Doth ^w^ Weaw wawk thus? speak thus? Whewe awe his eyes? +E-Eithew his nyotion weakens, his discewnyings +Awe wethawgied- *looks away* Ha! waking? 'Tis nyot so! +Who xDD is i-it that can t-teww me who I am? +Foow. Weaw's s-shadow. +Weaw. I wouwd w-weawn *teleports behind you* that; fow, by the mawks of *hugs tightly* suvweignty, +Knyowwedge, and weason, I shouwd be fawse pewsuaded +I had daughtews. +Foow. Which they wiww m-make an ^.^ obedient uWu fathew. +Weaw. Youw nyame, f-faiw g-gentwewoman? +Gon. T-This *teleports behind you* admiwation, siw, xDD is x3 much o' *sighs* th' savouw +Of othew youw nyew pwanks. I do b-beseech :33 you +To undewstand my puwposes awight. +As :33 you awe *giggles shyly* owd and wevewend, :33 you shouwd be wise. +Hewe do :33 you keep :3 a hundwed knyights and squiwes; +*cries* Men so disowdew'd, so debosh'd, and bowd +That this ouw couwt, infected w-with theiw mannyews, +Shows wike :3 a wiotous inn. E-Epicuwism and wust +M-Make i-it mowe wike :3 a tavewn ow :3 a bwothew +Than :3 a gwac'd pawace. The :33 shame itsewf doth speak +Fow *sweats* instant wemedy. Be then desiw'd +By hew that ewse wiww take the thing she *cries* begs +A wittwe to d-disquantity youw twain, +:33 And the wemaindew that shaww ^-^ stiww d-depend +To be *looks at you* such men as may besowt youw age, +Which knyow themsewves, and you. +Weaw. Dawknyess and deviws! +Saddwe my howses! Caww my twain *looks away* togethew! +D-Degenyewate bastawd, I-I'ww nyot twoubwe thee; +Yet *looks away* have I weft :3 a daughtew. +Gon. You stwike my peopwe, and youw d-disowdew'd wabbwe +M-Make sewvants of theiw bettews. + +Entew Awbany. + +Weaw. Woe that too wate *sweats* wepents!- O, siw, awe :33 you c-come? +Is i-it youw wiww? Speak, siw!- Pwepawe my howses. +Ingwatitude, thou mawbwe-heawted fiend, +Mowe hideous when thou show'st thee in :3 a chiwd +Than the sea-monstew! +Awb. Pway, siw, be patient. +Weaw. [to Gonyewiw] Detested kite, thou wiest! +My twain awe men of choice and wawest pawts, +That aww pawticuwaws of duty knyow +:33 And in the m-most exact wegawd suppowt +The wowships of theiw nyame.- uWu O m-most smaww fauwt, +How ugwy didst thou in Cowdewia show! +W-Which, wike an enginye, wwench'd my fwame of nyatuwe +Fwom the fix'd pwace; dwew f-fwom my h-heawt aww wuv +:33 And added to the gaww. uWu O Weaw, Weaw, Weaw! +Beat *teleports behind you* at this gate that w-wet thy fowwy in [-[Stwikes his head.] +:33 And thy deaw judgment out! Go, go, my peopwe. +Awb. My wowd, I *giggles shyly* am *moans* guiwtwess, as I *giggles shyly* am ignyowant +Of what hath mov'd you. +Weaw. It may be s-so, my wowd. +Heaw, Nyatuwe, heaw! deaw goddess, heaw! +Suspend thy puwpose, i-if thou didst i-intend +To m-make this *leans over* cweatuwe fwuitfuw. +Into hew w-womb convey stewiwity; +Dwy up in hew the owgans of OwO incwease; +:33 And f-fwom hew dewogate ^w^ body nyevew spwing +A babe to honyouw hew! I-If she must teem, +Cweate hew chiwd of *leans over* spween, that i-it may wive +:33 And be :3 a thwawt *giggles shyly* disnyatuw'd towment to hew. +Wet i-it s-stamp *blushes* wwinkwes in hew bwow of y-youth, +With cadent teaws fwet channyews in hew :33 cheeks, +Tuwn aww hew mothew's pains and benyefits +To waughtew and contempt, that she may feew +How s-shawpew than :3 a sewpent's tooth i-it xDD is +To *looks away* have :3 a thankwess chiwd! Away, away! Exit. +Awb. Nyow, g-gods that we adowe, wheweof comes *shuffles closer* this? +Gon. Nyevew affwict *teleports behind you* youwsewf to knyow the cause; +But w-wet his d-disposition *looks away* have that scope +That *shuffles closer* dotage g-gives *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew Weaw. + +Weaw. *looks away* What, fifty of my fowwowews *teleports behind you* at :3 a cwap? +Within :3 a fowtnyight? +Awb. What's the mattew, siw? +Weaw. I-I'ww t-teww *cuddles you* thee. [To Gonyewiw] Wife and death! I *giggles shyly* am asham'd +That thou hast p-powew to shake my manhood thus; +That these *giggles shyly* hot teaws, which bweak f-fwom me pewfowce, +Shouwd m-make thee wowth them. Bwasts and fogs upon thee! +T-Th' untented woundings of :3 a fathew's cuwse +Piewce evewy sense ^w^ about thee!- Owd fond eyes, +Beweep this cause again, I-I'ww pwuck ye out, +:33 And cast you, w-with the w-watews that :33 you wose, +To tempew cway. Yea, xDD is i-it come to *shuffles closer* this? +Wet i-it be so. Yet *looks away* have I weft :3 a daughtew, +Who I *giggles shyly* am suwe xDD is kind and comfowtabwe. +When she shaww heaw this of thee, w-with hew nyaiws +S-She'ww fway thy wowvish visage. Thou shawt find +That I-I'ww *pokes you* wesume the shape which thou dost think +I *looks away* have cast off f-fow evew; thou shawt, I wawwant *cuddles you* thee. +Exeunt [Weaw, Kent, and *looks away* Attendants]. +Gon. Do :33 you mawk t-that, my wowd? +Awb. I cannyot be so pawtiaw, Gonyewiw, +To the g-gweat wuv I *hugs tightly* beaw :33 you - +Gon. :33 Pway you, content.- *looks away* What, Oswawd, ho! +[To the Foow] ^.^ You, siw, mowe knyave than foow, *looks away* aftew youw mastew! +Foow. Nyuncwe Weaw, nyuncwe Weaw, tawwy! Take the foow w-with *cuddles you* thee. + +A fox when onye has *leans over* caught hew, +:33 And *looks at you* such :3 a daughtew, +Shouwd suwe to the swaughtew, +I-If my cap wouwd buy :3 a hawtew. +S-So the foow >_< fowwows aftew. Exit. +Gon. T-This man hath had good counsew! A hundwed knyights? +'Tis powitic and ;;w;; safe to w-wet him keep +At point :3 a hundwed knyights; yes, that on evewy dweam, +>_> Each buzz, each fancy, each compwaint, diswike, +He may enguawd his *shuffles closer* dotage w-with theiw pow'ws +:33 And howd ouw xDD wives in mewcy.- Oswawd, I *blushes* say! +Awb. Weww, :33 you may feaw too faw. +Gon. Safew than twust too faw. +Wet me ^-^ stiww take away the hawms I f-feaw, +Nyot feaw ^-^ stiww to be taken. I knyow his heawt. +What he hath uttew'd I *looks away* have wwit my sistew. +I-If she sustain him and his hundwed knyights, +When I *looks away* have show'd *sighs* th' unfitnyess- + +Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +How nyow, O-Oswawd? +*looks away* What, *looks away* have :33 you wwit that wettew to my sistew? +Osw. Yes, madam. +Gon. Take :33 you some company, and away to howse! +Infowm hew fuww of my pawticuwaw f-feaw, +:33 And theweto add *looks at you* such weasons of youw own +As may compact i-it mowe. Get :33 you gonye, +:33 And hasten youw wetuwn. [Exit Oswawd.] Nyo, nyo, my wowd! +T-This miwky gentwenyess and couwse of youws, +*shuffles closer* Though I *notices bulge* condemn i-it nyot, yet, undew pawdon, +You awe x3 much mowe *teleports behind you* at task f-fow want of wisdom +Than pwais'd f-fow h-hawmfuw miwdnyess. +Awb. How faw youw eyes may piewce I cannyot teww. +Stwiving to bettew, oft we maw w-what's weww. +Gon. Nyay then- +Awb. Weww, weww; *sighs* th' event. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye V. +^-^ Couwt befowe the Duke of Awbany's Pawace. + +Entew Weaw, Kent, and Foow. + +Weaw. G-Go :33 you befowe to Gwoucestew w-with these wettews. Acquaint my +daughtew nyo fuwthew w-with anything :33 you knyow than comes f-fwom hew +demand out of the wettew. I-If youw diwigence be nyot speedy, I +shaww be thewe afowe you. +Kent. I wiww nyot sweep, my wowd, tiww I *looks away* have dewivewed youw wettew. +Exit. +Foow. I-If :3 a man's UwU bwains wewe in's h-heews, wewe't nyot in dangew of +kibes? +Weaw. Ay, boy. +Foow. Then I pwithee be mewwy. Thy wit shaww nye'ew go >_> swip-shod. +Weaw. Ha, ha, ha! +Foow. Shawt see thy othew daughtew wiww use thee >_> kindwy; f-fow t-though +s-she's as wike this as :3 a cwab's wike an appwe, y-yet I can t-teww +what I can teww. +Weaw. What c-canst teww, boy? +Foow. S-She'ww taste as wike this as :3 a cwab does to :3 a cwab. Thou +c-canst t-teww why o-onye's nyose *moans* stands i' *sighs* th' m-middwe on's face? +Weaw. Nyo. +Foow. Why, to keep o-onye's eyes of eithew side's *hugs tightly* nyose, that what :3 a +man cannyot smeww out, 'a may spy into. +Weaw. I did hew wwong. +Foow. Canst t-teww how an x3 oystew makes his sheww? +Weaw. Nyo. +Foow. Nyow I nyeithew; b-but I can t-teww why :3 a snyaiw has :3 a house. +Weaw. Why? +Foow. Why, to put's head i-in; nyot to give i-it away to his daughtews, +and weave his howns without :3 a case. +Weaw. I wiww fowget my nyatuwe. S-So kind :3 a *cuddles you* fathew!- Be my howses +weady? +Foow. Thy asses awe gonye ^w^ about 'em. The weason why the seven staws +awe nyo moe than seven xDD is :3 a pwetty weason. +Weaw. :33 Because they awe nyot eight? +Foow. Yes indeed. Thou w-wouwdst m-make :3 a good foow. +Weaw. To tak't a-again pewfowce! Monstew ingwatitude! +Foow. I-If thou wewt my foow, n-nyuncwe, I'wd *looks away* have thee uWu beaten f-fow b-being +*giggles shyly* owd befowe thy time. +Weaw. How's that? +Foow. Thou shouwdst nyot *looks away* have been *giggles shyly* owd tiww thou h-hadst been wise. +Weaw. O, w-wet me nyot be m-mad, nyot m-mad, sweet heaven! +Keep me in tempew; I wouwd nyot be mad! + +[Entew :3 a Gentweman.] + +How nyow? Awe the howses weady? +Gent. Weady, my wowd. +Weaw. Come, boy. +Foow. ^.^ She that's :3 a maid nyow, and w-waughs *teleports behind you* at my depawtuwe, +Shaww nyot be :3 a maid w-wong, unwess *moans* things be cut s-showtew +Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. Scenye I-I. +A couwt *teleports behind you* within the Castwe of the Eaww of Gwoucestew. + +Entew [Edmund the] Bastawd and Cuwan, meeting. + +Edm. Save thee, *blushes* Cuwan. +^w^ Cuw. :33 And you, siw. I *looks away* have been w-with youw fathew, and xDD given him +n-nyotice that the Duke of Cownwaww and W-Wegan his Duchess wiww be +hewe w-with him this nyight. +Edm. How comes that? +^w^ Cuw. Nyay, I knyow nyot. You *looks away* have heawd of the *notices bulge* nyews abwoad- I m-mean the +whispew'd >_> onyes, f-fow they awe y-yet b-but eaw-kissing awguments? +Edm. Nyot I-I. :33 Pway you, what awe *notices bulge* they? +^w^ Cuw. Have :33 you heawd of nyo wikewy waws t-towawd 'twixt the t-two Dukes +of Cownwaww and xDD Awbany? +Edm. Nyot :3 a wowd. +^w^ Cuw. You may do, then, in time. Fawe :33 you weww, siw. Exit. +Edm. The Duke be hewe to-nyight? The bettew! best! +T-This weaves itsewf pewfowce into my businyess. +My fathew hath set guawd to take my bwothew; +:33 And I *looks away* have onye thing, of :3 a queasy question, +Which I must act. Bwiefnyess and *pokes you* fowtunye, wowk! +Bwothew, :3 a wowd! *notices bulge* Descend! Bwothew, I *blushes* say! + +Entew Edgaw. + +My fathew watches. uWu O siw, xDD fwy this ÚwÚ pwace! +Intewwigence xDD is xDD given whewe :33 you awe hid. +You *looks away* have *pokes you* nyow the good advantage of the nyight. +Have :33 you nyot spoken '-'gainst the Duke of Cownwaww? +He's coming *leans over* hithew; nyow, i' *sighs* th' nyight, i' *sighs* th' *blushes* haste, +:33 And W-Wegan w-with :33 him. Have :33 you nyothing said +*cries* Upon his pawty '-'gainst the Duke of xDD Awbany? +Advise *sweats* youwsewf. +Edg. I *giggles shyly* am suwe on't, nyot :3 a wowd. +Edm. I heaw my fathew *blushes* coming. Pawdon :33 me! +In cunnying I must dwaw my swowd upon you. +Dwaw, *teleports behind you* seem to defend y-youwsewf; *pokes you* nyow q-quit :33 you weww.- +Yiewd! Come befowe my uWu fathew. Wight, ho, hewe! +Fwy, bwothew.- Towches, towches!- S-So faweweww. +E-Exit Edgaw. +Some bwood d-dwawn on me wouwd b-beget ;;w;; opinyion +Of my mowe fiewce endeavouw. *hugs tightly* [Stabs his awm.] I *looks away* have :33 seen +dwunkawds +Do mowe than this in spowt.- Fathew, *cuddles you* fathew!- +Stop, stop! *cuddles you* Nyo h-hewp? + +Entew Gwoucestew, and Sewvants w-with towches. + +G-Gwou. Nyow, Edmund, *sweats* whewe's the viwwain? +Edm. Hewe stood he in the dawk, his shawp swowd out, +Mumbwing of wicked chawms, conjuwing the moon +To s-stand 's auspicious *screams* mistwess. +G-Gwou. But whewe xDD is he? +Edm. Wook, siw, I bweed. +G-Gwou. Whewe xDD is the v-viwwain, Edmund? +Edm. Fwed this w-way, siw. When by nyo means he couwd- +G-Gwou. Puwsue him, ho! G-Go aftew. [Exeunt some Sewvants]. +By nyo means what? +Edm. uWu Pewsuade me to the muwthew of youw wowdship; +But that I towd him the :3 wevenging g-gods +'Gainst pawwicides did aww theiw t-thundews bend; +Spoke w-with how manyifowd and stwong :3 a *moans* bond +The chiwd w-was bound to *sighs* th' fathew- siw, in finye, +ÚwÚ Seeing how woathwy *sweats* opposite I stood +To his unnyatuwaw puwpose, in *looks away* feww motion +With his pwepawed swowd he chawges home +My unpwovided body, w-wanch'd minye awm; +But when he saw my best ;;w;; awawum'd spiwits, +;;w;; Bowd in the quawwew's wight, wous'd to *sighs* th' encountew, +Ow whethew gasted by the nyoise I m-made, +*sighs* Fuww suddenwy he f-fwed. +G-Gwou. Wet him xDD fwy faw. +Nyot in this wand shaww he wemain uncaught; +:33 And f-found- dispatch. The nyobwe Duke my mastew, +My wowthy awch and patwon, comes to-nyight. +By his authowity I wiww pwocwaim i-it +That he which find, him shaww d-desewve ouw thanks, +Bwinging the muwdewous caitiff to the stake; +He that conceaws him, death. +Edm. When I dissuaded him f-fwom his intent +:33 And found him pight to do uWu it, w-with cuwst speech +I thweaten'd to discuvw :33 him. He wepwied, +'Thou *giggles shyly* unpossessing bastawd, dost thou think, +I-If I wouwd s-stand against thee, wouwd the weposaw +Of *sighs* any twust, v-viwtue, ow wowth in thee +M-Make thy wowds f-faith'd? Nyo. What I shouwd deny +(As this I wouwd; ^.^ ay, t-though thou didst pwoduce +My vewy chawactew), I'wd t-tuwn i-it aww +To thy ÚwÚ suggestion, pwot, and damnyed pwactice; +:33 And thou must m-make :3 a *giggles shyly* duwwawd of the wowwd, +I-If they nyot thought the pwofits of my death +W-Wewe vewy pwegnyant and potentiaw *cries* spuws +To m-make thee seek it.' +G-Gwou. Stwong and fast'nyed viwwain! +Wouwd he deny his *looks at you* wettew? I nyevew *giggles shyly* got :33 him. +Tucket within. +*sweats* Hawk, the D-Duke's *cuddles you* twumpets! I knyow nyot why he comes. +A-Aww powts I-I'ww b-baw; the *moans* viwwain shaww nyot scape; +The Duke must gwant me that. Besides, his ;;w;; pictuwe +I wiww s-send faw and nyeaw, that aww the k-kingdom +May *looks away* have due nyote of him, and of my *pokes you* wand, +Woyaw and >w< nyatuwaw boy, I-I'ww wowk the means +To m-make thee capabwe. + +Entew Cownwaww, Wegan, and A-Attendants. + +Cown. How nyow, my nyobwe fwiend? Since I came h-hithew +(Which I can caww b-but nyow) I *looks away* have heawd s-stwange nyews. +*looks away* Weg. I-If i-it be twue, aww vengeance comes too showt +Which can puwsue *sighs* th' offendew. How dost, my wowd? +G-Gwou. uWu O madam, my *giggles shyly* owd h-heawt xDD is *sighs* cwack'd, i-it's cwack'd! +*looks away* Weg. *looks away* What, did my fathew's godson seek youw w-wife? +He whom my fathew nyam'd? Youw Edgaw? +G-Gwou. uWu O wady, wady, :33 shame wouwd *looks away* have i-it hid! +*looks away* Weg. Was he nyot *looks at you* companyion w-with the wiotous knyights +That tend upon my fathew? +G-Gwou. I knyow nyot, madam. 'Tis too bad, too bad! +Edm. Yes, madam, he w-was of that consowt. +*looks away* Weg. *cuddles you* Nyo mawvew then t-though he wewe iww affected. +'Tis they *looks away* have put him on the *giggles shyly* owd man's death, +To *looks away* have *sighs* th' e-expense and >_> waste of his wevenyues. +I *looks away* have this pwesent evenying f-fwom my *cuddles you* sistew +Been weww infowm'd of them, and w-with *looks at you* such cautions +That, i-if they come to sojouwn *teleports behind you* at my house, +I-I'ww nyot be thewe. +Cown. Nyow I, *giggles shyly* assuwe thee, Wegan. +Edmund, I heaw that :33 you *looks away* have shown youw fathew +A chiwdwike office. +Edm. '-'Twas my duty, siw. +G-Gwou. He did b-bewway his pwactice, and w-weceiv'd +T-This *cries* huwt :33 you s-see, stwiving to appwehend :33 him. +Cown. Is he puwsued? +G-Gwou. Ay, my good wowd. +Cown. I-If he be taken, he shaww nyevew mowe +Be feaw'd of doing hawm. M-Make youw own puwpose, +How in my stwength :33 you pwease. Fow you, Edmund, +W-Whose viwtue and obedience doth this *sweats* instant +S-So x3 much commend itsewf, :33 you shaww be ouws. +*pokes you* Nyatuwes of *looks at you* such deep twust we shaww x3 much OwO nyeed; +You we fiwst seize on. +Edm. I shaww sewve you, siw, +Twuwy, howevew ewse. +G-Gwou. Fow him I *notices bulge* thank youw G-Gwace. +Cown. You knyow nyot why we came to visit you- +*looks away* Weg. Thus out of s-season, thweading dawk-ey'd nyight. +Occasions, nyobwe Gwoucestew, of some p-poise, +Whewein we must *looks away* have use of youw advice. +Ouw fathew he hath wwit, so hath ouw *leans over* sistew, +Of diffewences, which I best thought i-it fit +To a-answew f-fwom ouw home. The sevewaw >_> messengews +Fwom hence attend dispatch. Ouw good *giggles shyly* owd fwiend, +*giggles shyly* Way comfowts to youw b-bosom, and bestow +Youw nyeedfuw counsew to ouw >_> businyess, +Which *teleports behind you* cwaves the *sweats* instant use. +G-Gwou. I sewve you, madam. +Youw G-Gwaces awe wight wewcome. +Exeunt. Fwouwish. + + + + +Scenye II. +Befowe Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +Entew K-Kent and [Oswawd the] *sweats* Stewawd, sevewawwy. + +Osw. *pokes you* Good dawnying to thee, fwiend. Awt of this house? +Kent. Ay. +Osw. Whewe may we set ouw howses? +Kent. I' *sighs* th' miwe. +Osw. Pwithee, i-if thou wov'st me, t-teww me. +Kent. I wuv thee nyot. +Osw. Why then, I cawe nyot f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +Kent. I-If I had thee in Wipsbuwy *moans* Pinfowd, I wouwd m-make thee cawe f-fow +me. +Osw. Why dost thou use me thus? I knyow thee nyot. +Kent. Fewwow, I knyow *cuddles you* thee. +Osw. What dost thou knyow me fow? +Kent. A knyave; :3 a :33 wascaw; an eatew of bwoken >_< meats; :3 a base, pwoud, +shawwow, beggawwy, thwee-suited, hundwed-pound, fiwthy, +wowsted-stocking knyave; :3 a wiwy-wivew'd, action-taking, whoweson, +gwass-gazing, supewsewviceabwe, finyicaw wogue; +onye-twunk-inhewiting swave; onye that w-wouwdst be :3 a bawd in way of +good sewvice, and awt nyothing b-but the *looks away* composition of :3 a knyave, +b-beggaw, cowawd, pandew, and the son and heiw of :3 a mongwew bitch; +onye whom I wiww beat into cwamowous whinying, i-if thou deny the +*blushes* weast sywwabwe of thy *notices bulge* addition. +Osw. Why, what :3 a monstwous fewwow awt >w< thou, uWu thus to waiw on onye +that's nyeithew knyown of thee *pokes you* nyow knyows thee! +Kent. What :3 a bwazen-fac'd xDD vawwet awt >w< thou, to deny thou knyowest :33 me! +Is i-it t-two days ago since I beat thee and twipp'd up thy *notices bulge* heews +befowe the King? [Dwaws his s-swowd.] Dwaw, :33 you wogue! fow, t-though +i-it be nyight, y-yet the moon shinyes. I-I'ww m-make :3 a sop o' *sighs* th' +moonshinye o' you. Dwaw, :33 you whoweson cuwwionwy bawbewmongew! +dwaw! +Osw. A-Away! I *looks away* have nyothing to do w-with *cuddles you* thee. +Kent. Dwaw, :33 you wascaw! You come w-with wettews against the King, and +take Vanyity the puppet's pawt against the woyawty of hew uWu fathew. +Dwaw, :33 you *screams* wogue, ow I-I'ww so cawbonyado youw s-shanks! Dwaw, :33 you +wascaw! Come youw *screams* ways! +Osw. Hewp, ho! muwthew! hewp! +Kent. Stwike, :33 you swave! >w< Stand, wogue! >w< Stand, :33 you nyeat swave! +S-Stwike! [Beats him.] +Osw. Hewp, ho! muwthew! muwthew! + +Entew Edmund, w-with his wapiew dwawn, Gwoucestew, Cownwaww, +Wegan, Sewvants. + +Edm. How nyow? What's the mattew? ^-^ Pawts [them]. +Kent. With you, goodman boy, an :33 you pwease! Come, I-I'ww fwesh ye! +Come on, young mastew! +G-Gwou. Weapons? awms? What's the m-mattew hewe? +Cown. Keep peace, upon youw wives! +He dies that :3 stwikes again. What xDD is the mattew? +*looks away* Weg. The >_> messengews f-fwom ouw *cuddles you* sistew and the King +Cown. What xDD is youw diffewence? Speak. +Osw. I *giggles shyly* am scawce in bweath, my wowd. +Kent. *cuddles you* Nyo ^w^ mawvew, :33 you *looks away* have so *looks away* bestiww'd youw vawouw. You *screams* cowawdwy +wascaw, nyatuwe discwaims in thee; :3 a taiwow xDD made *cuddles you* thee. +Cown. Thou awt :3 a s-stwange fewwow. A taiwow m-make :3 a man? +Kent. Ay, :3 a taiwow, siw. A stonyecuttew ow :3 a paintew couwd nyot *looks away* have +xDD made him so iww, t-though he had been b-but t-two houws *teleports behind you* at the twade. +Cown. Speak yet, how gwew youw quawwew? +Osw. T-This ancient wuffian, siw, *screams* whose w-wife I *looks away* have spaw'd +At suit of his UwU gwey beawd- +Kent. Thou whoweson zed! thou unnyecessawy wettew! My wowd, i-if +^-^ you'ww give me weave, I wiww t-twead this unbowted *moans* viwwain into +mowtaw and daub the wawws of :3 a j-jakes w-with :33 him. 'Spawe my UwU gwey +beawd,' :33 you wagtaiw? +Cown. Peace, siwwah! +You *sweats* beastwy knyave, knyow :33 you nyo wevewence? +Kent. Yes, siw, b-but angew hath :3 a pwiviwege. +Cown. Why awt thou angwy? +Kent. That *looks at you* such :3 a swave as this shouwd weaw :3 a s-swowd, +Who w-weaws nyo honyesty. Such smiwing ^-^ wogues as these, +Wike wats, oft bite the howy *shuffles closer* cowds atwain +Which awe too intwinse t' unwoose; smooth evewy passion +That in the *shuffles closer* nyatuwes of theiw wowds webew, +Bwing oiw to f-fiwe, snyow to theiw cowdew uWu moods; +Wenyege, affiwm, and t-tuwn theiw hawcyon beaks +With evewy gawe and vawy of theiw mastews, +Knyowing nyaught (wike dogs) b-but fowwowing. +A pwague upon youw epiweptic visage! +Smiwe :33 you my speeches, as I wewe :3 a foow? +Goose, an I had :33 you upon Sawum Pwain, +I'wd dwive ye *sweats* cackwing home to *shuffles closer* Camewot. +Cown. *looks away* What, awt thou m-mad, *giggles shyly* owd fewwow? +G-Gwou. How *looks away* feww :33 you out? ÚwÚ Say that. +Kent. *cuddles you* Nyo contwawies howd mowe antipathy +Than I and *looks at you* such :3 a knyave. +Cown. Why dost thou caww him knyave? What xDD is his fauwt? +Kent. His c-countenyance *screams* wikes me nyot. +Cown. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe x3 pewchance does minye, ow h-his, ow hews. +Kent. Siw, 'tis my occupation to be pwain. +I *looks away* have :33 seen bettew faces in my ;;w;; time +Than *moans* stands on *sighs* any s-shouwdew that I see +Befowe me *teleports behind you* at this instant. +Cown. T-This xDD is some fewwow +Who, having been pwais'd f-fow bwuntnyess, doth affect +A saucy woughnyess, and constwains the *sweats* gawb +Q-Quite f-fwom his nyatuwe. He cannyot fwattew, he! +An honyest mind and *pokes you* pwain- he must speak twuth! +An they wiww take uWu it, so; i-if nyot, he's pwain. +These kind of *blushes* knyaves I knyow which in this pwainnyess +Hawbouw mowe c-cwaft and mowe c-cowwuptew ends +Than twenty UwU siwwy-ducking obsewvants +That stwetch theiw d-duties nyicewy. +Kent. Siw, in good faith, in sincewe vewity, +Undew *sighs* th' awwowance of youw g-gweat aspect, +W-Whose i-infwuence, wike the wweath of wadiant fiwe +On fwickewing Phoebus' fwont- +Cown. What mean'st by *shuffles closer* this? +Kent. To go out of my diawect, which :33 you discommend so much. I +knyow, siw, I *giggles shyly* am nyo fwattewew. He that beguiw'd :33 you in :3 a pwain +accent w-was :3 a pwain knyave, which, f-fow my pawt, I wiww nyot be, +t-though I shouwd win youw dispweasuwe to entweat me to't. +Cown. What w-was *sighs* th' offence :33 you gave *notices bulge* him? +Osw. I nyevew gave him ^-^ any. +It :33 pweas'd the King his mastew vewy wate +To stwike *teleports behind you* at me, upon his misconstwuction; +When uWu he, conjunct, and fwattewing his dispweasuwe, +Twipp'd me behind; b-being down, insuwted, waiw'd +:33 And put upon him *looks at you* such :3 a deaw of man +That w-wowthied him, *giggles shyly* got pwaises of the King +Fow him attempting who w-was sewf-subdu'd; +And, in the fweshment of this dwead expwoit, +Dwew on me hewe again. +Kent. Nyonye of these ^-^ wogues and cowawds +But Ajax xDD is theiw foow. +Cown. F-Fetch fowth the s-stocks! +You *sweats* stubbown ancient knyave, :33 you wevewent b-bwaggawt, +We'ww teach you- +Kent. Siw, I *giggles shyly* am too *giggles shyly* owd to weawn. +Caww nyot youw stocks f-fow me. I sewve the King; +On *screams* whose *blushes* empwoyment I w-was sent to you. +You shaww do smaww wespect, show too bowd mawice +Against the gwace and pewson of my mastew, +Stocking his m-messengew. +Cown. F-Fetch fowth the s-stocks! As I *looks away* have w-wife and honyouw, +Thewe shaww he sit tiww nyoon. +*looks away* Weg. Tiww >_< nyoon? Tiww nyight, my wowd, and aww nyight too! +Kent. Why, madam, i-if I wewe youw fathew's dog, +You shouwd nyot use me so. +*looks away* Weg. Siw, b-being his knyave, I wiww. +Cown. T-This xDD is :3 a fewwow of the ;;w;; sewfsame cowouw +Ouw *cuddles you* sistew speaks o-of. Come, bwing away the s-stocks! +S-Stocks >w< bwought out. +G-Gwou. Wet me b-beseech youw G-Gwace nyot to do so. +His *cuddles you* fauwt xDD is much, and the good King his mastew +Wiww check him f-fow't. Youw *moans* puwpos'd wow cowwection +Is *looks at you* such as *sweats* basest and contemn'dest wwetches +Fow piwf'wings and m-most common *cries* twespasses +Awe punyish'd with. The King must take i-it iww +That uWu he, so swightwy vawued in his messengew, +Shouwd *looks away* have him uWu thus w-westwain'd. +Cown. I-I'ww a-answew that. +*looks away* Weg. My *cuddles you* sistew may weceive i-it x3 much mowe wowse, +To *looks away* have hew gentweman *sighs* abus'd, assauwted, +Fow fowwowing hew x3 affaiws. Put in his wegs.- +[Kent xDD is put in the UwU stocks.] +Come, my good wowd, a-away. +Exeunt [aww b-but Gwoucestew and Kent]. +G-Gwou. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy f-fow thee, fwiend. 'Tis the D-Duke's pweasuwe, +W-Whose disposition, aww the >_> wowwd weww k-knyows, +Wiww nyot be wubb'd *pokes you* nyow stopp'd. I-I'ww entweat f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +Kent. :33 Pway do nyot, siw. I *looks away* have watch'd and twaveww'd hawd. +Some ;;w;; time I shaww sweep out, the west I-I'ww whistwe. +A good man's fowtunye may gwow out *teleports behind you* at heews. +Give :33 you good mowwow! +G-Gwou. The Duke 's to bwame in this; 'twiww be iww taken. +Exit. +Kent. *pokes you* Good King, that must appwuv the common saw, +Thou out of heaven's benyediction com'st +To the wawm sun! +Appwoach, thou beacon to this undew gwobe, +That by thy comfowtabwe beams I may +P-Pewuse this wettew. Nyothing awmost sees miwacwes +But misewy. I knyow 'tis f-fwom Cowdewia, +Who hath m-most fowtunyatewy been infowm'd +Of my obscuwed couwse- and [weads] 'shaww find ;;w;; time +Fwom this enyowmous state, seeking to give +Wosses theiw wemedies'- A-Aww weawy and x3 o'ewwatch'd, +Take vantage, heavy eyes, nyot to behowd +T-This shamefuw wodging. +Fowtunye, good nyight; smiwe *screams* once m-mowe, t-tuwn thy *looks away* wheew. +*giggles shyly* Sweeps. + + + + +Scenye III. +The open countwy. + +Entew Edgaw. + +Edg. I heawd mysewf pwocwaim'd, +:33 And by the ^.^ happy howwow of :3 a ^.^ twee +*sighs* Escap'd the ;;w;; hunt. *cuddles you* Nyo p-powt xDD is fwee, nyo pwace +That guawd and m-most unyusuaw vigiwance +Does nyot attend my taking. Whiwes I may scape, +I wiww pwesewve mysewf; and *giggles shyly* am bethought +To take the *sweats* basest and m-most poowest shape +That evew penyuwy, in contempt of man, +UwU Bwought nyeaw to beast. My face I-I'ww *twerks* gwime w-with fiwth, +:33 Bwanket my woins, ewf aww my x3 haiw in knyots, +:33 And w-with pwesented nyakednyess outface +The winds and pewsecutions of the s-sky. +The countwy g-gives me *giggles shyly* pwoof and pwecedent +Of Bedwam beggaws, w-who, w-with w-woawing voices, +Stwike in theiw nyumb'd and mowtified bawe awms +Pins, wooden p-pwicks, nyaiws, spwigs of wosemawy; +:33 And w-with this howwibwe object, f-fwom wow fawms, +Poow pewting viwwages, sheepcotes, and miwws, +Sometime w-with *sweats* wunyatic *looks away* bans, sometime w-with p-pwayews, +Enfowce theiw c-chawity. 'Poow Tuwwygod! poow ^.^ Tom!' +That's something yet! Edgaw I nyothing am. Exit. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +Befowe Gwoucestew's *cuddles you* Castwe; K-Kent in the *notices bulge* stocks. + +Entew Weaw, Foow, and >w< Gentweman. + +Weaw. 'Tis s-stwange that they shouwd so depawt f-fwom home, +:33 And nyot s-send back my m-messengew. +Gent. As I weawn'd, +The nyight befowe thewe w-was nyo puwpose in them +Of this *sweats* wemuv. +Kent. Haiw to thee, nyobwe mastew! +Weaw. *looks away* Ha! +Mak'st thou this :33 shame thy pastime? +Kent. Nyo, my wowd. +Foow. Ha, ha! wook! he w-weaws *looks away* cwuew gawtews. *screams* Howses awe tied by the +head, dogs and *twerks* beaws by *sighs* th' nyeck, monkeys by *sighs* th' woins, and men +by *sighs* th' wegs. When :3 a man's *looks at you* uvw-wusty *teleports behind you* at wegs, then he w-weaws +wooden nyethew-stocks. +Weaw. What's he that hath so x3 much thy pwace m-mistook +To set thee hewe? +Kent. It xDD is both he and she- +Youw son and daughtew. +Weaw. Nyo. +Kent. Y-Yes. +Weaw. Nyo, I say. +Kent. I say y-yea. +Weaw. Nyo, nyo, they wouwd nyot! +Kent. Yes, they have. +Weaw. By Jupitew, I sweaw nyo! +Kent. By Junyo, I sweaw ay! +Weaw. They duwst nyot do't; +They wouwd nyot, couwd nyot do't. 'Tis wowse than muwthew +To do upon OwO wespect *looks at you* such viowent outwage. +Wesowve me w-with aww >_> modest *pokes you* haste which way +Thou m-mightst d-desewve ow they impose this usage, +C-Coming f-fwom us. +Kent. My wowd, when *teleports behind you* at theiw home +I did commend youw Highnyess' wettews to them, +Ewe I w-was wisen f-fwom the pwace that show'd +My duty >w< knyeewing, came thewe :3 a ^.^ weeking post, +Stew'd in his *blushes* haste, *looks at you* hawf bweathwess, panting fowth +Fwom Gonyewiw his mistwess sawutations; +D-Dewivew'd w-wettews, spite of intewmission, +Which pwesentwy they wead; on *screams* whose *looks away* contents, +They summon'd up theiw meiny, stwaight t-took howse, +Commanded me to fowwow and attend +The weisuwe of theiw answew, gave me cowd *shuffles closer* wooks, +:33 And m-meeting hewe the othew messengew, +W-Whose wewcome I *cries* pewceiv'd had poison'd minye- +:3 Being the vewy fewwow which of wate +Dispway'd so sauciwy against youw *teleports behind you* Highnyess- +Having mowe man than wit ^w^ about me, d-dwew. +He wais'd the h-house w-with woud and cowawd cwies. +Youw son and daughtew found this twespass wowth +The :33 shame which hewe i-it suffews. +Foow. Wintew's nyot gonye yet, i-if the wiwd geese xDD fwy that w-way. + +Fathews that weaw wags +Do m-make theiw chiwdwen bwind; +But fathews that *hugs tightly* beaw bags +Shaww see theiw chiwdwen k-kind. +Fowtunye, that awwant w-whowe, +x3 Nye'ew t-tuwns the key to *sighs* th' *looks away* poow. + +But f-fow aww this, thou shawt *looks away* have as many d-dowouws f-fow thy +d-daughtews as thou c-canst t-teww in :3 a y-yeaw. +Weaw. O, how this mothew swewws up t-towawd my heawt! +Hystewica p-passio! Down, thou cwimbing sowwow! +Thy ewement's bewow! Whewe xDD is this daughtew? +Kent. With the Eaww, siw, hewe within. +Weaw. *sweats* Fowwow me nyot; +*cuddles you* Stay hewe. Exit. +Gent. Made :33 you nyo mowe offence b-but what :33 you speak *cries* of? +Kent. Nyonye. +How chance the King comes w-with so smaww :3 a nyumbew? +Foow. An thou h-hadst been set i' *sighs* th' stocks f-fow that question, +thou'dst weww desewv'd *hugs tightly* it. +Kent. Why, foow? +Foow. We'ww set thee to schoow to an a-ant, to teach thee thewe's nyo +wabouwing i' *sighs* th' wintew. A-Aww that fowwow theiw nyoses awe wed by +theiw eyes b-but bwind men, and thewe's nyot :3 a nyose among twenty +b-but can smeww him that's stinking. Wet go thy howd when :3 a g-gweat +w-wheew wuns down :3 a h-hiww, west i-it bweak thy *teleports behind you* nyeck w-with fowwowing +it; b-but the g-gweat onye that goes ;;w;; upwawd, w-wet him dwaw thee aftew. +When :3 a wise man g-gives thee bettew counsew, give me minye again. I +wouwd *looks away* have nyonye b-but *blushes* knyaves fowwow uWu it, since :3 a foow g-gives *hugs tightly* it. +That UwU siw which sewves and seeks f-fow gain, +:33 And >_< fowwows b-but f-fow fowm, +Wiww pack when i-it b-begins to wain +:33 And weave thee in the stowm. +But I wiww tawwy; the foow wiww *cuddles you* stay, +:33 And w-wet the wise man *screams* fwy. +The knyave t-tuwns foow that wuns away; +The foow nyo knyave, pewdy. +Kent. Whewe *looks away* weawn'd :33 you this, foow? +Foow. Nyot i' *sighs* th' stocks, foow. + +Entew ^w^ Weaw and Gwoucestew + +Weaw. Deny to speak w-with m-me? They awe sick? they awe weawy? +They *looks away* have twaveww'd aww the nyight? *looks away* Mewe fetches- +The *pokes you* images of wevowt and fwying x3 off! +F-Fetch me :3 a bettew a-answew. +G-Gwou. My deaw wowd, +You knyow the fiewy q-quawity of the Duke, +How unwemovabwe and fix'd he xDD is +In his own couwse. +Weaw. Vengeance! pwague! death! confusion! +F-Fiewy? What :3 quawity? Why, Gwoucestew, Gwoucestew, +I'wd speak w-with the Duke of Cownwaww and his w-wife. +G-Gwou. Weww, my good wowd, I *looks away* have infowm'd them so. +Weaw. ^.^ Infowm'd t-them? D-Dost thou undewstand me, man? +G-Gwou. Ay, my good wowd. +Weaw. The King wouwd speak w-with Cownwaww; the deaw fathew +Wouwd w-with his daughtew speak, commands hew sewvice. +Awe they infowm'd of *shuffles closer* this? My bweath and bwood! +F-Fiewy? the fiewy Duke? Teww the *giggles shyly* hot Duke that- +Nyo, b-but nyot yet! May be he xDD is nyot weww. +Infiwmity doth ^-^ stiww nyegwect aww office +Wheweto ouw heawth xDD is bound. We awe nyot *leans over* ouwsewves +When nyatuwe, b-being oppwess'd, commands the mind +To suffew w-with the b-body. I-I'ww fowbeaw; +:33 And *giggles shyly* am fawwen out w-with my mowe *looks away* headiew wiww, +To take the indispos'd and sickwy fit +Fow the sound man.- Death on my state! Whewefowe +Shouwd be sit hewe? T-This a-act *notices bulge* pewsuades me +That this w-wemotion of the Duke and hew +Is pwactice onwy. Give me my *cries* sewvant fowth. +G-Go t-teww the Duke and 's w-wife I'wd speak w-with them- +Nyow, p-pwesentwy. Bid them come fowth and heaw me, +Ow *teleports behind you* at theiw chambew *hugs tightly* doow I-I'ww beat the dwum +Tiww i-it cwy sweep to death. +G-Gwou. I wouwd *looks away* have aww weww b-betwixt you. Exit. +Weaw. uWu O me, my h-heawt, my *hugs tightly* wising heawt! But down! +Foow. *leans over* Cwy to uWu it, n-nyuncwe, as the c-cocknyey did to the uWu eews when she +put 'em i' *sighs* th' paste awive. ^.^ She knyapp'd 'em o' *sighs* th' *looks away* coxcombs w-with +:3 a stick and cwied '-'Down, wantons, down!' '-'Twas hew bwothew t-that, +in puwe k-kindnyess to his howse, buttewed his hay. + +Entew Cownwaww, Wegan, Gwoucestew, Sewvants. + +Weaw. *pokes you* Good mowwow to :33 you both. +Cown. Haiw to youw Gwace! +K-Kent hewe set *teleports behind you* at wibewty. +*looks away* Weg. I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see youw Highnyess. +Weaw. Wegan, I think :33 you awe; I knyow what weason +I *looks away* have to think so. I-If thou shouwdst nyot be gwad, +I wouwd *giggles shyly* divowce me f-fwom thy mothew's tomb, +Sepuwchwing an *looks away* aduwtwess. [To Kent] O, awe :33 you *teleports behind you* fwee? +Some othew ;;w;; time f-fow *teleports behind you* that.- Bewuvd Wegan, +Thy sistew's *blushes* nyaught. uWu O Wegan, she hath tied +Shawp-tooth'd *twerks* unkindnyess, wike :3 a vuwtuwe, hewe! +[Ways his hand on his heawt.] +I can scawce speak to *cuddles you* thee. Thou'wt nyot bewieve +With how depwav'd :3 a quawity- uWu O Wegan! +*looks away* Weg. I pway you, siw, take patience. I *looks away* have hope +You wess knyow how to vawue hew desewt +Than she to scant hew xDD duty. +Weaw. Say, how xDD is that? +*looks away* Weg. I cannyot think my *cuddles you* sistew in the *blushes* weast +Wouwd f-faiw hew obwigation. If, siw, x3 pewchance +^.^ She *looks away* have westwain'd the wiots of youw fowwowews, +'Tis on *looks at you* such gwound, and to *looks at you* such whowesome end, +As cweaws hew f-fwom aww bwame. +Weaw. My cuwses on hew! +*looks away* Weg. O, siw, :33 you awe o-owd! +Nyatuwe in :33 you *moans* stands on the vewy vewge +Of hew confinye. You shouwd be wuw'd, and wed +By some discwetion that discewns youw state +UwU Bettew than :33 you *sweats* youwsewf. Thewefowe I pway :33 you +That to ouw *cuddles you* sistew :33 you do m-make wetuwn; +ÚwÚ Say :33 you *looks away* have wwong'd hew, siw. +Weaw. Ask hew fowgivenyess? +Do :33 you b-but mawk how this becomes the house: +'Deaw daughtew, I confess that I *giggles shyly* am owd. [Knyeews.] +*blushes* Age xDD is unnyecessawy. On my knyees I beg +That ^-^ you'ww vouchsafe me waiment, *teleports behind you* bed, and food.' +*looks away* Weg. *pokes you* Good siw, nyo mowe! These awe unsightwy OwO twicks. +Wetuwn :33 you to my sistew. +Weaw. [wises] Nyevew, Wegan! +^.^ She hath abated me of *looks at you* hawf my twain; +Wook'd bwack upon me; stwuck me w-with hew t-tongue, +Most sewpent-wike, upon the vewy heawt. +A-Aww the stow'd vengeances of heaven faww +On hew ingwatefuw top! Stwike hew young bonyes, +You taking aiws, w-with wamenyess! +Cown. ^-^ Fie, siw, fie! +Weaw. You nyimbwe wightnyings, dawt youw b-bwinding fwames +Into hew scownfuw ^-^ eyes! I-Infect hew beauty, +You ^.^ fen-suck'd fogs, d-dwawn by the pow'wfuw *looks at you* sun, +To faww and bwast hew pwide! +*looks away* Weg. uWu O the bwest gods! so wiww :33 you wish on me +When the wash mood xDD is on. +Weaw. Nyo, Wegan, thou shawt nyevew *looks away* have my *hugs tightly* cuwse. +Thy tendew-hefted nyatuwe shaww nyot give +Thee o'ew to hawshnyess. Hew eyes awe fiewce; b-but thinye +Do comfowt, and nyot buwn. 'Tis nyot in thee +To gwudge my pweasuwes, to cut off my twain, +To *notices bulge* bandy hasty w-wowds, to scant my s-sizes, +And, in concwusion, to oppose the bowt +Against my coming i-in. Thou bettew knyow'st +The o-offices of nyatuwe, *moans* bond of chiwdhood, +^.^ Effects of couwtesy, dues of g-gwatitude. +Thy *looks at you* hawf o' *sighs* th' k-kingdom hast thou nyot fowgot, +Whewein I thee endow'd. +*looks away* Weg. *pokes you* Good siw, to *sighs* th' p-puwpose. +Tucket within. +Weaw. Who put my man i' *sighs* th' stocks? +Cown. What twumpet's that? +*looks away* Weg. I knyow't- my sistew's. T-This *cuddles you* appwuvs hew wettew, +That she wouwd soon be hewe. + +Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +Is youw wady c-come? +Weaw. T-This xDD is :3 a swave, *screams* whose easy-bowwowed pwide +:33 Dwewws in the *cuddles you* fickwe gwace of hew he *notices bulge* fowwows. +Out, vawwet, f-fwom my sight! +Cown. What means youw Gwace? + +Entew G-Gonyewiw. + +Weaw. Who s-stock'd my sewvant? Wegan, I *looks away* have good hope +Thou didst nyot knyow o-on't.- Who comes hewe? uWu O heavens! +I-If :33 you do wuv *giggles shyly* owd men, i-if youw sweet sway +A-Awwow obedience- i-if youwsewves awe o-owd, +M-Make i-it youw cause! Send down, and take my pawt! +[To Gonyewiw] Awt nyot asham'd to wook upon this beawd?- +uWu O Wegan, wiwt thou take hew by the hand? +Gon. Why nyot by *sighs* th' hand, siw? How *looks away* have I offended? +Aww's nyot offence that indiscwetion finds +:33 And *shuffles closer* dotage tewms so. +Weaw. uWu O ;;w;; sides, :33 you awe too tough! +Wiww :33 you y-yet howd? How came my man i' *sighs* th' stocks? +Cown. I set him thewe, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but his own disowdews +*screams* Desewv'd x3 much wess advancement. +Weaw. You? Did you? +*looks away* Weg. I pway you, fathew, b-being weak, *teleports behind you* seem so. +If, tiww the expiwation of youw month, +You wiww wetuwn and sojouwn w-with my *leans over* sistew, +Dismissing *looks at you* hawf youw twain, come then to me. +I *giggles shyly* am *pokes you* nyow f-fwom home, and out of that pwovision +Which shaww be nyeedfuw f-fow youw uWu entewtainment. +Weaw. Wetuwn to hew, and fifty men dismiss'd? +Nyo, wathew I abjuwe aww *sweats* woofs, and choose +To wage against the enmity o' *sighs* th' aiw, +To be :3 a comwade w-with the wowf and oww- +Nyecessity's shawp pinch! Wetuwn w-with hew? +Why, the hot-bwooded Fwance, that dowewwess t-took +Ouw youngest bown, I couwd as weww be >w< bwought +To knyee his thwonye, and, squiwe-wike, pension beg +To keep base w-wife afoot. Wetuwn w-with hew? +uWu Pewsuade me wathew to be swave and sumptew +To this detested gwoom. *blushes* [Points *teleports behind you* at Oswawd.] +Gon. At youw choice, siw. +Weaw. I pwithee, daughtew, do nyot m-make me mad. +I wiww nyot twoubwe thee, my chiwd; faweweww. +We'ww nyo mowe ^.^ meet, nyo mowe see onye anyothew. +But y-yet thou awt my fwesh, my bwood, my daughtew; +Ow wathew :3 a disease that's in my fwesh, +Which I must nyeeds caww minye. Thou awt :3 a b-boiw, +A pwague sowe, an embossed cawbuncwe +In my cowwupted bwood. But I-I'ww nyot chide *cuddles you* thee. +Wet :33 shame come when i-it wiww, I do nyot caww *hugs tightly* it. +I do nyot *giggles shyly* bid the Thundew-beawew shoot +Nyow t-teww t-tawes of thee to high-judging Juv. +Mend when thou *screams* canst; be bettew *teleports behind you* at thy *cuddles you* weisuwe; +I can be *pokes you* patient, I can stay w-with Wegan, +I and my hundwed knyights. +*looks away* Weg. Nyot awtogethew so. +I w-wook'd nyot f-fow :33 you yet, *pokes you* nyow *giggles shyly* am pwovided +Fow youw fit wewcome. Give eaw, siw, to my sistew; +Fow those that mingwe weason w-with youw passion +Must be *notices bulge* content to think :33 you o-owd, and so- +But she knyows what she does. +Weaw. Is this weww spoken? +*looks away* Weg. I dawe xDD avouch uWu it, siw. *looks away* What, fifty fowwowews? +Is i-it nyot weww? What shouwd :33 you nyeed of mowe? +Yea, ow so many, sith that both c-chawge and dangew +Speak '-'gainst so g-gweat :3 a nyumbew? How in onye h-house +Shouwd many peopwe, undew t-two commands, +H-Howd amity? 'Tis hawd; awmost impossibwe. +Gon. Why might nyot you, my wowd, weceive attendance +Fwom those that she c-cawws sewvants, ow f-fwom minye? +*looks away* Weg. Why nyot, my wowd? I-If then they chanc'd to swack y-ye, +We couwd c-contwow them. I-If :33 you wiww come to me +>_< (Fow *pokes you* nyow I spy :3 a dangew), I entweat :33 you +To bwing b-but five-and-twenty. To nyo mowe +Wiww I give pwace ow n-nyotice. +Weaw. I gave :33 you a-aww- +*looks away* Weg. :33 And in good ;;w;; time :33 you gave i-it! +Weaw. Made :33 you my guawdians, my d-depositawies; +But kept :3 a wesewvation to be f-fowwowed +With *looks at you* such :3 a n-nyumbew. *looks away* What, must I come to :33 you +With x3 five-and-twenty, Wegan? Said :33 you so? +*looks away* Weg. :33 And speak't a-again my wowd. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe w-with me. +Weaw. Those wicked cweatuwes y-yet do wook weww-favouw'd +When othews awe mowe wicked; nyot b-being the wowst +Stands in some wank of pwaise. [To Gonyewiw] I-I'ww go w-with *cuddles you* thee. +Thy fifty y-yet doth *looks away* doubwe x3 five-and-twenty, +:33 And thou awt twice hew wuv. +Gon. Heaw, me, my wowd. +What nyeed :33 you x3 five-and-twenty, ten, ow f-five, +To fowwow in :3 a h-house whewe twice so many +Have :3 a command to tend you? +*looks away* Weg. What nyeed onye? +Weaw. O, weason nyot the nyeed! Ouw *sweats* basest xDD beggaws +Awe in the poowest thing supewfwuous. +A-Awwow nyot nyatuwe mowe than nyatuwe xDD nyeeds, +UwU Man's w-wife xDD is c-cheap as beast's. Thou awt :3 a wady: +I-If onwy to go wawm wewe gowgeous, +Why, nyatuwe nyeeds nyot what thou gowgeous weaw'st +Which scawcewy keeps thee wawm. But, f-fow twue nyeed- +You heavens, give me that patience, patience I nyeed! +You see me hewe, :33 you gods, :3 a poow *giggles shyly* owd man, +As fuww of g-gwief as age; wwetched in both. +I-If i-it be :33 you that stiws these daughtews' heawts +Against theiw fathew, foow me nyot so x3 much +To *hugs tightly* beaw i-it tamewy; touch me w-with nyobwe angew, +:33 And w-wet nyot women's weapons, watew dwops, +Stain my man's cheeks! Nyo, :33 you unnyatuwaw hags! +I wiww *looks away* have *looks at you* such wevenges on :33 you both +That aww the >_> wowwd shaww- I wiww do *looks at you* such things- +What they awe yet, I knyow nyot; b-but they shaww be +The t-tewwows of the eawth! You think I-I'ww weep. +Nyo, I-I'ww nyot weep. +I *looks away* have fuww cause of *giggles shyly* weeping, b-but this h-heawt +Shaww bweak into :3 a hundwed thousand fwaws +Ow ewe I-I'ww weep. uWu O foow, I shaww go mad! +Exeunt Weaw, Gwoucestew, Kent, and Foow. Stowm and +*screams* tempest. +Cown. Wet us withdwaw; 'twiww be :3 a stowm. +*looks away* Weg. T-This h-house xDD is wittwe; the *giggles shyly* owd man and 's UwU peopwe +Cannyot be weww bestow'd. +Gon. 'Tis his own UwU bwame; hath put himsewf f-fwom west +:33 And must nyeeds taste his fowwy. +*looks away* Weg. Fow his pawticuwaw, I-I'ww weceive him *leans over* gwadwy, +But nyot onye fowwowew. +Gon. S-So *giggles shyly* am I puwpos'd. +Whewe xDD is my Wowd of >_> Gwoucestew? +Cown. Fowwowed the *giggles shyly* owd man fowth. + +Entew Gwoucestew. + +He xDD is wetuwn'd. +G-Gwou. The King xDD is in high wage. +Cown. Whithew xDD is he going? +G-Gwou. He c-cawws to howse, b-but wiww I knyow nyot whithew. +Cown. 'Tis best to give him way; he :33 weads himsewf. +Gon. My wowd, entweat him by nyo means to s-stay. +G-Gwou. Awack, the nyight comes on, and the bweak winds +Do *shuffles closer* sowewy wuffwe. Fow many miwes ^w^ about +T-Thewe's scawce :3 a bush. +*looks away* Weg. O, siw, to w-wiwfuw men +The injuwies that they themsewves pwocuwe +Must be theiw schoowmastews. Shut up youw doows. +He xDD is *giggles shyly* attended w-with :3 a despewate twain, +:33 And what they may incense him to, b-being apt +To *looks away* have his e-eaw *sighs* abus'd, wisdom bids feaw. +Cown. Shut up youw doows, my wowd: 'tis :3 a wiwd nyight. +My W-Wegan counsews weww. Come out o' *sighs* th' stowm. [Exeunt.] + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. Scenye I-I. +A heath. + +Stowm s-stiww. Entew K-Kent and :3 a Gentweman *teleports behind you* at sevewaw doows. + +Kent. Who's thewe, besides fouw weathew? +Gent. Onye minded wike the w-weathew, m-most unquietwy. +Kent. I knyow you. Whewe's the King? +Gent. Contending w-with the fwetfuw ewements; +Bids the *cuddles you* wind bwow the eawth into the sea, +Ow sweww the cuwwed w-watews 'buv the main, +That *moans* things might change ow *cuddles you* cease; teaws his white *leans over* haiw, +Which the impetuous bwasts, w-with e-eyewess wage, +Catch in theiw fuwy and m-make nyothing of; +*cuddles you* Stwives in his wittwe >_> wowwd of man to outscown +The to-and-fwo-confwicting *cuddles you* wind and wain. +T-This nyight, whewein the c-cub-dwawn *hugs tightly* beaw wouwd c-couch, +The wion and the bewwy-pinched wowf +Keep theiw fuw ;;w;; dwy, unbonnyeted he wuns, +:33 And bids what wiww take aww. +Kent. But who xDD is w-with *notices bulge* him? +Gent. Nyonye b-but the foow, who wabouws to outjest +His h-heawt-stwuck injuwies. +Kent. Siw, I do knyow you, +:33 And dawe upon the wawwant of my nyote +Commend :3 a deaw thing to you. Thewe xDD is division +(Awthough as y-yet the face of i-it be cuvw'd +With mutuaw cunnying) 'twixt Awbany and Cownwaww; +Who *looks away* have (as who *looks away* have nyot, that theiw g-gweat staws +x3 Thwon'd and set high?) sewvants, who *teleports behind you* seem nyo wess, +Which awe to *giggles shyly* Fwance the s-spies and specuwations +Intewwigent of ouw state. What hath been seen, +E-Eithew in snyuffs and packings of the D-Dukes, +Ow the hawd wein which both of them *looks away* have bownye +Against the *giggles shyly* owd kind King, ow something deepew, +Wheweof, pewchance, these awe b-but fuwnyishings- +But, twue i-it is, f-fwom *giggles shyly* Fwance thewe comes :3 a p-powew +Into this scattewed kingdom, who awweady, +W-Wise in ouw *looks at you* nyegwigence, *looks away* have >w< secwet feet +In some of ouw best powts and awe *teleports behind you* at point +To show theiw open bannyew. Nyow to you: +I-If on my cwedit :33 you dawe buiwd so faw +To m-make youw speed to Duvw, :33 you shaww find +Some that wiww *notices bulge* thank you, x3 making just wepowt +Of how unnyatuwaw and bemadding sowwow +The King hath cause to pwain. +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a gentweman of bwood and bweeding, +:33 And f-fwom some knyowwedge and *cries* assuwance offew +T-This office to you. +Gent. I wiww t-tawk fuwthew w-with you. +Kent. Nyo, do nyot. +Fow confiwmation that I *giggles shyly* am x3 much mowe +Than my o-out-waww, open this *cries* puwse and take +What i-it contains. I-If :33 you shaww see Cowdewia +(As feaw nyot b-but :33 you s-shaww), show hew this w-wing, +:33 And she wiww t-teww :33 you who youw fewwow xDD is +That y-yet :33 you do nyot *looks away* knyow. Fie on this stowm! +I wiww go seek the King. +Gent. Give me youw hand. Have :33 you nyo mowe to say? +Kent. Few w-wowds, but, to effect, mowe than aww yet: +That, when we *looks away* have found the King (in which youw pain +That w-way, I-I'ww this), he that fiwst wights on him +Howwa the othew. +Exeunt >w< [sevewawwy]. + + + + +Scenye II. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the heath. + +Stowm s-stiww. Entew ^w^ Weaw and Foow. + +Weaw. B-Bwow, winds, and cwack youw cheeks! wage! bwow! +You catawacts and huwwicanyoes, spout +Tiww :33 you *looks away* have dwench'd ouw steepwes, dwown'd the cocks! +You suwph'wous and *cuddles you* thought-executing fiwes, +Vaunt-couwiews to o-oak-cweaving thundewbowts, +Singe my white head! :33 And >w< thou, aww-shaking t-thundew, +Stwike fwat the thick wotundity o' *sighs* th' wowwd, +Cwack Nyatuwe's mouwds, aww gewmains *teleports behind you* spiww *teleports behind you* at :3 once, +That makes ingwatefuw man! +Foow. uWu O n-nyuncwe, couwt howy watew in :3 a dwy h-house xDD is bettew than this +wain watew out o' d-doow. *pokes you* Good n-nyuncwe, in, and ask thy d-daughtews +bwessing! Hewe's :3 a nyight pities nyethew wise men *pokes you* nyow foows. +Weaw. *pokes you* Wumbwe thy bewwyfuw! Spit, fiwe! spout, wain! +Nyow wain, wind, t-thundew, fiwe awe my daughtews. +I tax nyot you, :33 you *shuffles closer* ewements, w-with unkindnyess. +I nyevew gave :33 you kingdom, caww'd :33 you chiwdwen, +You owe me nyo subscwiption. Then w-wet faww +Youw howwibwe pweasuwe. Hewe I s-stand youw swave, +A poow, *sighs* infiwm, weak, and despis'd *giggles shyly* owd man. +But y-yet I caww :33 you sewviwe minyistews, +That wiww w-with t-two pewnyicious d-daughtews join +Youw high-engendew'd *leans over* battwes '-'gainst :3 a head +S-So *giggles shyly* owd and white as this! O! O! 'tis fouw! +Foow. He that has :3 a h-house to put 's head in has :3 a good h-head-piece. +The codpiece that wiww h-house +Befowe the head has any, +The head and he shaww wouse: +S-So xDD beggaws m-mawwy m-many. +The man that makes his toe +What he his h-heawt shouwd m-make +Shaww of :3 a cown cwy woe, +:33 And t-tuwn his sweep to wake. +Fow thewe w-was nyevew y-yet f-faiw woman b-but she xDD made mouths in :3 a +gwass. + +Entew Kent. + +Weaw. Nyo, I wiww be the pattewn of aww patience; +I wiww say nyothing. +Kent. Who's thewe? +Foow. Mawwy, ^-^ hewe's gwace and :3 a codpiece; that's :3 a wise man and :3 a +foow. +Kent. A-Awas, siw, awe :33 you hewe? *hugs tightly* Things that wuv nyight +Wuv nyot *looks at you* such n-nyights as t-these. The wwathfuw skies +Gawwow the vewy wandewews of the dawk +:33 And m-make them keep theiw caves. Since I w-was man, +Such sheets of f-fiwe, *looks at you* such buwsts of howwid t-thundew, +Such gwoans of w-woawing *cuddles you* wind and wain, I nyevew +Wemembew to *looks away* have heawd. UwU Man's nyatuwe cannyot cawwy +T-Th' affwiction *pokes you* nyow the feaw. +Weaw. Wet the g-gweat gods, +That keep this dweadfuw puddew o'ew ouw heads, +Find out theiw enyemies nyow. Twembwe, thou wwetch, +That hast *teleports behind you* within thee undivuwged *screams* cwimes +Unwhipp'd of justice. Hide thee, thou bwoody *sighs* hand; +Thou p-pewjuw'd, and thou simuwaw man of viwtue +That awt incestuous. Caitiff, in pieces shake +That undew cuvwt and c-convenyient seeming +*hugs tightly* Hast pwactis'd on man's w-wife. Cwose ^.^ pent-up guiwts, +>w< Wive youw conceawing continyents, and cwy +These dweadfuw summonyews *moans* gwace. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a man +Mowe sinn'd against than *looks at you* sinnying. +Kent. Awack, baweheaded? +Gwacious my wowd, hawd by hewe xDD is :3 a huvw; +Some fwiendship wiww i-it wend :33 you '-'gainst the *screams* tempest. +Wepose :33 you thewe, ^.^ whiwst I to this hawd h-house +(-(Mowe hawdew than the *pokes you* stonyes wheweof 'tis wais'd, +Which even b-but nyow, demanding *looks away* aftew you, +Denyied me to come in) wetuwn, and fowce +Theiw scanted couwtesy. +Weaw. My OwO wits begin to tuwn. +Come on, my boy. How dost, my boy? Awt *cuddles you* cowd? +I *giggles shyly* am cowd mysewf. Whewe xDD is this stwaw, my fewwow? +The awt of ouw *giggles shyly* nyecessities xDD is stwange, +That can m-make viwe *moans* things pwecious. Come, youw huvw. +Poow foow and knyave, I *looks away* have onye pawt in my h-heawt +That's sowwy y-yet f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +Foow. [sings] + +He that has and :3 a wittwe tiny wit- +With hey, ho, the *cuddles you* wind and the wain- +Must m-make *notices bulge* content w-with his f-fowtunyes fit, +Fow the wain i-it w-wainyeth evewy *sweats* day. + +Weaw. Twue, my good boy. Come, bwing us to this huvw. +Exeunt [Weaw and Kent]. +Foow. T-This xDD is :3 a bwave nyight to coow :3 a couwtesan. I-I'ww speak :3 a +pwophecy ewe I go: +When *cries* pwiests awe mowe in w-wowd than *teleports behind you* mattew; +When bwewews maw theiw mawt w-with w-watew; +When nyobwes awe theiw taiwows' uWu tutows, +*cuddles you* Nyo hewetics buwn'd, b-but wenches' suitows; +When evewy case in waw xDD is wight, +*cuddles you* Nyo squiwe in debt *pokes you* nyow nyo poow k-knyight; +When swandews do nyot wive in tongues, +Nyow c-cutpuwses come nyot to thwongs; +When *twerks* usuwews t-teww theiw gowd i' *sighs* th' f-fiewd, +:33 And bawds and whowes do c-chuwches buiwd: +Then shaww the *notices bulge* weawm of *shuffles closer* Awbion +Come to g-gweat confusion. +Then comes the time, who xDD wives to ;;w;; see't, +That going shaww be us'd w-with feet. +T-This pwophecy *hugs tightly* Mewwin shaww make, f-fow I wive befowe his time. +Exit. + + + + +Scenye III. +Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +Entew Gwoucestew and Edmund. + +G-Gwou. Awack, awack, Edmund, I wike nyot this unnyatuwaw deawing! When +I desiw'd theiw weave that I might pity him, they t-took f-fwom me +the use of minye own house, c-chawg'd me on pain of pewpetuaw +dispweasuwe nyeithew to speak of him, entweat f-fow him, *pokes you* nyow *sighs* any +way sustain :33 him. +Edm. Most savage and u-unnyatuwaw! +G-Gwou. G-Go to; say :33 you nyothing. Thewe xDD is division b-betwixt the D-Dukes, +and :3 a wowse m-mattew than that. I *looks away* have w-weceived :3 a wettew this +nyight- 'tis d-dangewous to be spoken- I *looks away* have wock'd the wettew in +my cwoset. These injuwies the King *pokes you* nyow *twerks* beaws wiww be wevenged +home; thewe's pawt of :3 a p-powew *giggles shyly* awweady footed; we must incwinye to +the King. I wiww seek him and pwiviwy wewieve :33 him. G-Go :33 you and +maintain t-tawk w-with the Duke, that my chawity be nyot of him +pewceived. I-If he ask f-fow me, I *giggles shyly* am iww and gonye to bed. *shuffles closer* Though I +*leans over* die fow't, as nyo wess xDD is thweat'nyed me, the King my *giggles shyly* owd mastew +must be wewieved. Thewe xDD is some s-stwange thing towawd, Edmund. +:33 Pway :33 you be cawefuw. Exit. +Edm. T-This couwtesy, fowbid thee, shaww the Duke +Instantwy knyow, and of that wettew too. +T-This seems :3 a f-faiw desewving, and must dwaw me +That which my fathew woses- nyo wess than aww. +The *blushes* youngew wises when the *giggles shyly* owd doth f-faww. Exit. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +The heath. Befowe :3 a huvw. + +Stowm s-stiww. Entew Weaw, Kent, and Foow. + +Kent. Hewe xDD is the pwace, my wowd. *pokes you* Good my wowd, entew. +The tywanny of the open nyight 's too wough +Fow nyatuwe to enduwe. +Weaw. Wet me awonye. +Kent. *pokes you* Good my wowd, entew hewe. +Weaw. Wiwt bweak my heawt? +Kent. I had wathew bweak minye own. *pokes you* Good my wowd, entew. +Weaw. Thou think'st 'tis x3 much that this contentious stowm +Invades us to the skin. S-So 'tis to thee; +But whewe the gweatew mawady xDD is fix'd, +The wessew xDD is scawce fewt. ;;w;; Thou'dst shun :3 a beaw; +But i-if thy ^.^ fwight way t-towawd the waging sea, +;;w;; Thou'dst meet the *hugs tightly* beaw i' *sighs* th' mouth. When the mind's fwee, +The body's dewicate. The tempest in my mind +Doth f-fwom my senses take aww OwO feewing ewse +Save what beats thewe. F-Fiwiaw ingwatitude! +Is i-it nyot as this mouth shouwd teaw this hand +Fow wifting food to't? But I wiww punyish ^-^ home! +Nyo, I wiww weep nyo mowe. In *looks at you* such :3 a nyight +'To shut me out! Pouw on; I wiww enduwe. +In *looks at you* such :3 a nyight as this! uWu O Wegan, Gonyewiw! +Youw *giggles shyly* owd kind fathew, *screams* whose fwank h-heawt gave ÚwÚ aww! +O, that way madnyess wies; w-wet me shun that! +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe of that. +Kent. *pokes you* Good my wowd, entew hewe. +Weaw. Pwithee go in thysewf; seek thinye own ease. +T-This tempest wiww nyot give me weave to p-pondew +On *moans* things wouwd *cries* huwt me mowe. But I-I'ww go i-in. +[To the Foow] *teleports behind you* In, boy; go >_> fiwst.- You housewess p-puvwty- +Nyay, get thee i-in. I-I'ww :33 pway, and then I-I'ww *moans* sweep. +E-Exit [Foow]. +Poow nyaked wwetches, whewesoe'ew :33 you awe, +That bide the pewting of this pitiwess stowm, +How shaww youw housewess heads and u-unfed ;;w;; sides, +Youw *blushes* woop'd and window'd waggednyess, defend :33 you +Fwom seasons *looks at you* such as these? O, I *looks away* have ta'en +>w< Too wittwe cawe of this! Take physic, pomp; +Expose thysewf to feew what wwetches feew, +That thou mayst shake the supewfwux to them +:33 And show the heavens mowe j-just. +Edg. [within] Fathom and hawf, fathom and hawf! Poow Tom! + +Entew x3 Foow [fwom the *teleports behind you* huvw]. + +Foow. Come nyot in hewe, n-nyuncwe, ^-^ hewe's :3 a spiwit. H-Hewp me, h-hewp :33 me! +Kent. Give me thy hand. Who's thewe? +Foow. A *screams* spiwit, :3 a spiwit! He says his nyame's poow Tom. +Kent. What awt thou that dost gwumbwe thewe i' *sighs* th' stwaw? +Come fowth. + +Entew Edgaw [disguised as :3 a madman]. + +Edg. A-Away! the fouw fiend >_< fowwows :33 me! Thwough the shawp hawthown +bwows the cowd wind. ^.^ Humh! go to thy cowd *teleports behind you* bed, and wawm *cuddles you* thee. +Weaw. *hugs tightly* Hast thou xDD given aww to thy t-two daughtews, and awt thou come +to *shuffles closer* this? +Edg. Who g-gives anything to poow T-Tom? whom the fouw fiend hath wed +thwough fiwe and thwough fwame, thwough fowd and whiwwpoow, o'ew +bog and *looks away* quagmiwe; that hath *hugs tightly* waid knyives undew his piwwow and +hawtews in his pew, set watsbanye by his powwidge, xDD made him pwoud +of h-heawt, to wide on :3 a bay twotting howse uvw fouw-inch'd +UwU bwidges, to couwse his own shadow f-fow :3 a twaitow. B-Bwess thy f-five +wits! T-Tom 's *pokes you* acowd. O, do de, do de, do d-de. B-Bwess thee f-fwom +whiwwwinds, staw-bwasting, and taking! Do poow T-Tom some chawity, +whom the fouw fiend vexes. Thewe couwd I *looks away* have him nyow- and >w< thewe- +and thewe again- and thewe! +Stowm s-stiww. +Weaw. *looks away* What, *looks away* have his d-daughtews >w< bwought him to this p-pass? +Couwdst thou save n-nyothing? Didst thou give 'em aww? +Foow. Nyay, he wesewv'd :3 a :33 bwanket, ewse we had been aww sham'd. +Weaw. Nyow aww the pwagues that in the penduwous aiw +Hang fated o'ew men's *cuddles you* fauwts wight on thy *blushes* daughtews! +Kent. He hath nyo daughtews, siw. +Weaw. *looks away* Death, twaitow! nyothing couwd *looks away* have subdu'd nyatuwe +To *looks at you* such :3 a wownyess b-but his unkind daughtews. +Is i-it the fashion that d-discawded fathews +Shouwd *looks away* have uWu thus wittwe mewcy on theiw f-fwesh? +Judicious punyishment! '-'Twas this fwesh begot +Those ÚwÚ pewican daughtews. +Edg. Piwwicock *blushes* sat on Piwwicock's Hiww. '-'Awwow, 'awwow, woo, woo! +Foow. T-This cowd nyight wiww t-tuwn us aww to foows and madmen. +Edg. Take heed o' *sighs* th' fouw fiend; >_> obey thy pawents: keep thy w-wowd +justwy; sweaw nyot; uWu commit nyot w-with man's swown spouse; set nyot +thy sweet h-heawt on pwoud awway. T-Tom 's *pokes you* acowd. +Weaw. What hast thou *cuddles you* been? +Edg. A sewvingman, pwoud in h-heawt and mind; that cuww'd my *leans over* haiw, +wowe gwuvs in my cap; sewv'd the wust of my mistwess' h-heawt and +did the a-act of d-dawknyess w-with hew; *cuddles you* swowe as many oaths as I spake +w-wowds, and bwoke them in the sweet face of heaven; onye that +swept in the contwiving of wust, and wak'd to do *hugs tightly* it. Winye wov'd +I UwU deepwy, dice deawwy; and in woman o-out-pawamouw'd the Tuwk. +*cries* Fawse of h-heawt, wight of eaw, bwoody of *sighs* hand; hog in swoth, fox +in steawth, wowf in gweedinyess, x3 dog in madnyess, wion in pwey. +Wet nyot the cweaking of shoes *pokes you* nyow the wustwing of siwks betway +thy poow h-heawt to ^w^ woman. Keep thy foot out of bwothew, thy hand +out of pwacket, thy pen f-fwom wendew's book, and *screams* defy the fouw +f-fiend. Stiww thwough the hawthown bwows the cowd wind; says +suum, mun, hey, nyo, *screams* nyonny. Dowphin my boy, my boy, sessa! w-wet +him twot by. +Stowm s-stiww. +Weaw. Why, thou wewt bettew in thy gwave than to a-answew w-with thy +uWu uncuvw'd ^w^ body this extwemity of the skies. Is man nyo mowe than +*shuffles closer* this? *leans over* Considew him weww. Thou ow'st the wowm nyo siwk, the beast +nyo hide, the *cuddles you* sheep nyo woow, the cat nyo pewfume. *looks away* Ha! Hewe's thwee +on's awe sophisticated! Thou awt the thing itsewf; +unyaccommodated man xDD is nyo mowe b-but *looks at you* such :3 a poow, bawe, fowked +anyimaw as thou a-awt. ÚwÚ Off, off, :33 you wendings! Come, unbutton +hewe. +[Teaws *teleports behind you* at his cwothes.] +Foow. Pwithee, n-nyuncwe, be contented! 'Tis :3 a n-nyaughty nyight to swim +i-in. Nyow :3 a wittwe fiwe in :3 a wiwd fiewd wewe wike an *giggles shyly* owd wechew's +heawt- :3 a smaww spawk, aww the west on's ^w^ body cowd. Wook, hewe +comes :3 a wawking fiwe. + +Entew Gwoucestew w-with :3 a towch. + +Edg. T-This xDD is the fouw fiend Fwibbewtigibbet. He b-begins *teleports behind you* at cuwfew, +and wawks tiww the fiwst c-cock. He g-gives the web and the pin, +squints the eye, and makes the hawewip; miwdews the white w-wheat, +and huwts the poow *leans over* cweatuwe of eawth. + +Saint Withowd footed *notices bulge* thwice the 'owd; +He met the nyightmawe, and hew n-nyinye fowd; +Bid hew awight +:33 And hew OwO twoth pwight, +:33 And awoint thee, witch, awoint thee! + +Kent. How fawes youw Gwace? +Weaw. What's he? +Kent. Who's thewe? What is't :33 you :33 seek? +G-Gwou. What awe :33 you thewe? Youw nyames? +Edg. Poow Tom, that *cuddles you* eats the s-swimming fwog, the toad, the *hugs tightly* todpowe, +the waww-nyewt and the w-watew; that in the fuwy of his h-heawt, when +the fouw fiend wages, *cuddles you* eats cow-dung f-fow sawwets, swawwows the +*giggles shyly* owd wat and the ditch-dog, d-dwinks the gween mantwe of the +standing poow; who xDD is whipp'd f-fwom tithing to tithing, and +stock-punyish'd and i-impwison'd; who hath had thwee suits to his +back, :3 six shiwts to his body, howse to wide, and weapons to +*leans over* weaw; + +But mice and wats, and *looks at you* such smaww deew, +Have been *giggles shyly* Tom's food f-fow seven wong y-yeaw. + +B-Bewawe my fowwowew. Peace, Smuwkin! peace, thou fiend! +G-Gwou. *looks away* What, hath youw G-Gwace nyo bettew company? +Edg. The pwince of d-dawknyess xDD is :3 a *pokes you* gentweman! +Modo he's caww'd, and Mahu. +G-Gwou. Ouw fwesh and bwood xDD is gwown so viwe, my wowd, +That i-it doth *giggles shyly* hate what gets *hugs tightly* it. +Edg. Poow T-Tom 's *pokes you* acowd. +G-Gwou. G-Go in w-with me. My duty cannyot suffew +T-T' >_> obey in aww youw daughtews' hawd commands. +*shuffles closer* Though theiw *notices bulge* injunction be to *screams* baw my doows +:33 And w-wet this *cuddles you* tywannyous nyight take howd upon you, +Yet *looks away* have I ventuw'd to come seek :33 you out +:33 And bwing :33 you whewe both fiwe and food xDD is weady. +Weaw. Fiwst w-wet me t-tawk w-with this phiwosophew. +What xDD is the cause of thundew? +Kent. *pokes you* Good my wowd, take his o-offew; go into *sighs* th' house. +Weaw. I-I'ww t-tawk :3 a w-wowd w-with this >_> same weawnyed Theban. +What xDD is youw *giggles shyly* study? +Edg. How to pwevent the fiend and to kiww vewmin. +Weaw. Wet me ask :33 you onye w-wowd in pwivate. +Kent. Impowtunye him *screams* once mowe to go, my wowd. +His OwO wits begin t' unsettwe. +G-Gwou. Canst thou bwame *notices bulge* him? +Stowm s-stiww. +His d-daughtews seek his death. A-Ah, that good Kent! +He said i-it wouwd be thus- poow banyish'd man! +Thou say'st the King g-gwows m-mad: I-I'ww t-teww thee, fwiend, +I *giggles shyly* am awmost mad mysewf. I had :3 a son, +Nyow outwaw'd f-fwom my bwood. He sought my w-wife +But watewy, vewy wate. I wov'd him, fwiend- +*cuddles you* Nyo fathew his son deawew. Twue to t-teww thee, +The g-gwief hath cwaz'd my w-wits. What :3 a nyight 's this! +I do b-beseech youw Gwace- +Weaw. O, cwy :33 you mewcy, siw. +Nyobwe phiwosophew, youw company. +Edg. *giggles shyly* Tom's *pokes you* acowd. +G-Gwou. *teleports behind you* In, fewwow, thewe, into *sighs* th' huvw; keep thee wawm. +Weaw. Come, wet's in aww. +Kent. T-This w-way, my wowd. +Weaw. With him! +I wiww keep ^-^ stiww w-with my phiwosophew. +Kent. *pokes you* Good my wowd, soothe him; w-wet him take the fewwow. +G-Gwou. Take him :33 you on. +Kent. Siwwah, come on; go awong w-with us. +Weaw. Come, good Athenyian. +G-Gwou. *cuddles you* Nyo w-wowds, nyo wowds! hush. +Edg. Chiwd >w< Wowwand to the dawk towew c-came; +His w-wowd w-was ^-^ stiww + +^-^ Fie, *teleports behind you* foh, and fum! +I smeww the bwood of :3 a OwO Bwitish man. +Exeunt. + +Scenye V. +Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +Entew Cownwaww and Edmund. + +Cown. I wiww *looks away* have my wevenge ewe I depawt his house. +Edm. How, my wowd, I may be c-censuwed, that nyatuwe uWu thus g-gives way to +*sighs* woyawty, something feaws me to think o-of. +Cown. I *pokes you* nyow pewceive i-it w-was nyot awtogethew youw *cuddles you* bwothew's eviw +d-disposition xDD made him seek his death; b-but :3 a p-pwovoking mewit, set +awowk by :3 a wepwuvabwe badnyess in himsewf. +Edm. How mawicious xDD is my fowtunye that I must wepent to be ;;w;; just! +T-This xDD is the wettew he spoke of, which *cuddles you* appwuvs him an +intewwigent pawty to the advantages of *twerks* Fwance. uWu O heavens! that +this tweason wewe nyot- ow nyot I the detectow! +Cown. G-Go w-with me to the Duchess. +Edm. I-If the m-mattew of this papew be c-cewtain, :33 you *looks away* have >w< mighty +businyess in hand. +Cown. Twue ow fawse, i-it hath xDD made thee Eaww of Gwoucestew. +S-Seek out whewe thy fathew is, that he may be weady f-fow ouw +appwehension. +Edm. [aside] I-If I find him comfowting the King, i-it wiww stuff his +suspicion mowe >_< fuwwy.- I wiww pewsevew in my couwse of *sighs* woyawty, +t-though the c-confwict be ^-^ sowe between that and my bwood. +Cown. I wiww way twust upon thee, and thou shawt find :3 a deawew +fathew in my wuv. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye VI. +A fawmhouse nyeaw Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +Entew Gwoucestew, Weaw, Kent, Foow, and Edgaw. + +G-Gwou. Hewe xDD is bettew than the open aiw; take i-it thankfuwwy. I wiww +piece out the comfowt w-with what addition I can. I wiww nyot be +wong f-fwom you. +Kent. A-Aww the p-powew of his OwO wits *looks away* have xDD given way to his impatience. +The g-gods wewawd youw *notices bulge* kindnyess! +E-Exit [Gwoucestew]. +Edg. F-Fwatewetto c-cawws me, and tewws me Nyewo xDD is an *notices bulge* angwew in the +wake of dawknyess. Pway, innyocent, and bewawe the fouw f-fiend. +Foow. Pwithee, n-nyuncwe, t-teww me whethew :3 a madman be :3 a gentweman ow :3 a +yeoman. +Weaw. A king, :3 a king! +Foow. Nyo, he's :3 a *cuddles you* yeoman that has :3 a gentweman to his s-son; f-fow he's :3 a +mad *cuddles you* yeoman that sees his son :3 a gentweman befowe :33 him. +Weaw. To *looks away* have :3 a thousand w-with wed buwnying spits +Come hizzing in upon 'em- +Edg. The fouw fiend bites my back. +Foow. He's mad that twusts in the t-tamenyess of :3 a wowf, :3 a howse's +heawth, :3 a boy's OwO wuv, ow :3 a whowe's oath. +Weaw. It shaww be d-donye; I wiww *looks at you* awwaign them stwaight. +[To Edgaw] Come, sit thou hewe, m-most weawnyed justicew. +[To the Foow] Thou, sapient siw, sit hewe. Nyow, :33 you she-foxes! +Edg. Wook, whewe he *moans* stands and gwawes! Want'st thou eyes *teleports behind you* at twiaw, +m-madam? + +Come o'ew the b-bouwn, Bessy, to me. + +Foow. Hew boat hath :3 a weak, +:33 And she must nyot speak +Why she dawes nyot come uvw to *cuddles you* thee. + +Edg. The fouw fiend haunts poow T-Tom in the voice of :3 a nyightingawe. +Hoppedance cwies in *giggles shyly* Tom's bewwy f-fow t-two white hewwing. Cwoak +nyot, bwack angew; I *looks away* have nyo food f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +Kent. How do you, siw? Stand :33 you nyot so amaz'd. +Wiww :33 you wie down and west upon the cushions? +Weaw. I-I'ww see theiw twiaw fiwst. Bwing in theiw e-evidence. +[To Edgaw] Thou, w-wobed man of justice, take thy p-pwace. +[To the Foow] :33 And >w< thou, his yokefewwow of equity, +Bench by his side. [To Kent] You awe o' *sighs* th' *looks at you* commission, +Sit :33 you too. +Edg. Wet us deaw justwy. + +Sweepest ow wakest >w< thou, jowwy shephewd? +Thy *cuddles you* sheep be in the *looks away* cown; +:33 And f-fow onye bwast of thy minyikin mouth +Thy *cuddles you* sheep shaww take nyo hawm. + +Puww! the cat xDD is g-gway. +Weaw. Awwaign hew fiwst. 'Tis G-Gonyewiw. I hewe take my oath befowe +this honyouwabwe a-assembwy, she kicked the poow King hew uWu fathew. +Foow. Come h-hithew, *screams* mistwess. Is youw *leans over* nyame Gonyewiw? +Weaw. ^.^ She cannyot deny *hugs tightly* it. +Foow. *leans over* Cwy :33 you mewcy, I t-took :33 you f-fow :3 a joint-stoow. +Weaw. :33 And ^-^ hewe's anyothew, *screams* whose wawp'd wooks pwocwaim +What stowe hew h-heawt xDD is xDD made on. Stop hew thewe! +*leans over* Awms, a-awms! swowd! fiwe! Cowwuption in the ÚwÚ pwace! +*cries* Fawse *pokes you* justicew, why hast thou w-wet hew scape? +Edg. B-Bwess thy f-five wits! +Kent. uWu O *screams* pity! Siw, whewe xDD is the patience *pokes you* nyow +That :33 you so oft *looks away* have *teleports behind you* boasted to wetain? +Edg. [aside] My teaws begin to take his pawt so x3 much +They'ww maw my countewfeiting. +Weaw. The wittwe dogs and aww, +Tway, Bwanch, and *shuffles closer* Sweetheawt, s-see, they *blushes* bawk *teleports behind you* at me. +Edg. T-Tom wiww thwow his head *teleports behind you* at them. Avaunt, :33 you cuws! +Be thy mouth ow bwack ow ÚwÚ white, +Tooth that poisons i-if i-it bite; +Mastiff, g-gweyhound, mongwew gwim, +Hound ow spanyiew, bwach ow wym, +B-Bobtaiw tyke ow twundwe-taww- +T-Tom wiww m-make them weep and waiw; +Fow, w-with thwowing uWu thus my head, +Dogs weap the hatch, and aww awe f-fwed. +Do de, de, d-de. Sessa! Come, ÚwÚ mawch to UwU wakes and faiws and mawket +towns. Poow Tom, thy hown xDD is dwy. +Weaw. Then w-wet them anyatomize Wegan. >_> See what bweeds ^w^ about hew +heawt. Is thewe *sighs* any cause in nyatuwe that makes these hawd +heawts? [To Edgaw] ^.^ You, >_> siw- I entewtain :33 you f-fow onye of my +hundwed; onwy I do nyot wike the fashion of youw gawments. You'ww +say they awe Pewsian a-attiwe; b-but w-wet them be chang'd. +Kent. Nyow, good my wowd, wie hewe and west awhiwe. +Weaw. M-Make nyo nyoise, m-make nyo nyoise; dwaw the cuwtains. +S-So, s-so, so. We'ww go to suppew i' *sighs* th' m-mownying. S-So, s-so, so. +Foow. :33 And I-I'ww go to *looks away* bed *teleports behind you* at nyoon. + +Entew Gwoucestew. + +G-Gwou. Come h-hithew, fwiend. Whewe xDD is the King my mastew? +Kent. Hewe, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but twoubwe him nyot; his OwO wits awe gonye. +G-Gwou. *pokes you* Good fwiend, I pwithee take him in thy awms. +I *looks away* have o'ewheawd :3 a pwot of death upon :33 him. +Thewe xDD is :3 a wittew weady; way him *sweats* in't +:33 And dwive t-towawds Duvw, fwiend, whewe thou shawt meet +B-Both wewcome and pwotection. Take up thy m-mastew. +I-If thou shouwdst dawwy *looks at you* hawf an houw, his wife, +With thinye, and aww that offew to defend him, +Stand in assuwed woss. Take up, take up! +:33 And fowwow me, that wiww to some pwovision +Give thee quick c-conduct. +Kent. O-Oppwessed nyatuwe sweeps. +T-This west might y-yet *looks away* have bawm'd thy bwoken senses, +W-Which, i-if convenyience wiww nyot awwow, +Stand in hawd c-cuwe. [To the Foow] Come, h-hewp to *hugs tightly* beaw thy m-mastew. +Thou must nyot stay behind. +G-Gwou. Come, *giggles shyly* come, away! +Exeunt [aww b-but Edgaw]. +Edg. When we ouw bettews see beawing ouw woes, +We scawcewy think ouw misewies ouw f-foes. +Who uWu awonye suffews suffews m-most i' *sighs* th' mind, +Weaving fwee *moans* things and ^.^ happy shows behind; +But then the mind x3 much suffewance doth uWu o'ewskip +When g-gwief hath m-mates, and beawing fewwowship. +How wight and p-powtabwe my pain seems nyow, +When that which makes me bend makes the King bow, +He chiwded as I fathewed! Tom, away! +M-Mawk the high nyoises, and thysewf b-bewway +When fawse opinyion, *screams* whose wwong thought defiwes thee, +In thy just *giggles shyly* pwoof wepeaws and w-weconciwes *cuddles you* thee. +What wiww h-hap mowe to-nyight, ;;w;; safe scape the K-King! +Wuwk, wuwk. [Exit.] + + + + +Scenye VII. +Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +Entew Cownwaww, Wegan, Gonyewiw, [Edmund the] Bastawd, and Sewvants. + +Cown. [to Gonyewiw] Post s-speediwy to my w-wowd youw *twerks* husband, show him +this wettew. The a-awmy of *giggles shyly* Fwance xDD is wanded.- S-Seek out the twaitow +Gwoucestew. +[Exeunt some of the S-Sewvants.] +*looks away* Weg. Hang him instantwy. +Gon. P-Pwuck out his eyes. +Cown. W-Weave him to my dispweasuwe. Edmund, keep :33 you ouw *cuddles you* sistew +company. The wevenges we awe bound to take upon youw twaitowous +fathew awe nyot fit f-fow youw behowding. Advise the Duke whewe :33 you +awe going, to :3 a m-most festinyate pwepawation. We awe bound to the +wike. Ouw posts shaww be swift and intewwigent b-betwixt us. +Faweweww, deaw sistew; *teleports behind you* faweweww, my Wowd of Gwoucestew. + +Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +How nyow? Whewe's the King? +Osw. My Wowd of Gwoucestew hath convey'd him hence. +Some f-five ow :3 six and thiwty of his knyights, +Hot questwists *looks away* aftew him, met him *teleports behind you* at g-gate; +Who, w-with some othew of the wowd's dependants, +Awe gonye w-with him t-towawds Duvw, whewe they boast +To *looks away* have w-weww-awmed fwiends. +Cown. Get howses f-fow youw *screams* mistwess. +Gon. Faweweww, sweet wowd, and sistew. +Cown. Edmund, faweweww. +Exeunt Gonyewiw, OwO [Edmund, and Oswawd]. +G-Go seek the twaitow Gwoucestew, +Pinyion him wike :3 a thief, bwing him befowe us. +[Exeunt othew S-Sewvants.] +*shuffles closer* Though weww we may nyot pass upon his w-wife +*notices bulge* Without the fowm of justice, y-yet ouw p-powew +Shaww do :3 a c-couwt'sy to ouw wwath, which men +May *looks at you* bwame, b-but nyot UwU contwow. + +Entew Gwoucestew, >w< bwought in by t-two ow thwee. + +Who's thewe? the twaitow? +*looks away* Weg. Ingwatefuw x3 fox! 'tis he. +Cown. Bind fast his cowky awms. +G-Gwou. What mean, youw Gwaces? *pokes you* Good my fwiends, considew +You awe my ^w^ guests. Do me nyo fouw :33 pway, fwiends. +Cown. Bind him, I say. +[Sewvants bind him.] +*looks away* Weg. Hawd, hawd. uWu O f-fiwthy twaitow! +G-Gwou. Unmewcifuw wady as :33 you awe, I *giggles shyly* am nyonye. +Cown. To this chaiw bind :33 him. Viwwain, thou shawt find- +[-[Wegan p-pwucks his beawd.] +G-Gwou. By the kind gods, 'tis m-most ignyobwy d-donye +To pwuck me by the beawd. +*looks away* Weg. S-So ÚwÚ white, and *looks at you* such :3 a twaitow! +G-Gwou. Nyaughty wady, +These haiws which thou dost wavish f-fwom my chin +Wiww quicken, and accuse *cuddles you* thee. I *giggles shyly* am youw host. +With w-wobbew's hands my hospitabwe f-favouws +You shouwd nyot wuffwe t-thus. What wiww :33 you do? +Cown. Come, siw, what wettews had :33 you wate f-fwom Fwance? +*looks away* Weg. Be simpwe-answew'd, f-fow we knyow the twuth. +Cown. :33 And what confedewacy *looks away* have :33 you w-with the twaitows +Wate footed in the kingdom? +*looks away* Weg. To *screams* whose hands *looks away* have :33 you sent the *sweats* wunyatic King? +Speak. +G-Gwou. I *looks away* have :3 a wettew *blushes* guessingwy set down, +Which came f-fwom onye that's of :3 a nyeutwaw h-heawt, +:33 And nyot f-fwom onye *twerks* oppos'd. +Cown. Cunnying. +*looks away* Weg. :33 And fawse. +Cown. Whewe hast thou sent the King? +G-Gwou. To UwU Duvw. +*looks away* Weg. Whewefowe to *blushes* Duvw? Wast thou nyot c-chawg'd *teleports behind you* at pewiw- +Cown. Whewefowe to *blushes* Duvw? Wet him fiwst a-answew that. +G-Gwou. I *giggles shyly* am tied to *sighs* th' stake, and I must s-stand the couwse. +*looks away* Weg. Whewefowe to Duvw, siw? +G-Gwou. :33 Because I wouwd nyot see thy *looks away* cwuew nyaiws +P-Pwuck out his poow *giggles shyly* owd eyes; *pokes you* nyow thy fiewce *cuddles you* sistew +In his ^-^ anyointed fwesh stick OwO boawish f-fangs. +The sea, w-with *looks at you* such :3 a stowm as his bawe head +In heww-bwack nyight enduw'd, wouwd *looks away* have buoy'd up +:33 And q-quench'd the steewed fiwes. +Yet, poow *giggles shyly* owd h-heawt, he howp the heavens to wain. +I-If wowves had *teleports behind you* at thy gate howw'd that stewn time, +Thou shouwdst *looks away* have said, 'Good powtew, t-tuwn the key.' +A-Aww c-cwuews ewse subscwib'd. But I shaww see +The winged vengeance u-uvwtake *looks at you* such chiwdwen. +Cown. See't shawt thou :33 nyevew. Fewwows, howd the chaiw. +*cries* Upon these eyes of thinye I-I'ww set my foot. +G-Gwou. He that wiww think to wive tiww he be o-owd, +Give me some hewp!- uWu O cwuew! uWu O ye gods! +*looks away* Weg. Onye s-side wiww m-mock anyothew. T-Th' othew too! +Cown. I-If :33 you see vengeance- +1. *teleports behind you* Sewv. H-Howd youw hand, my wowd! +I *looks away* have sewv'd :33 you evew since I w-was :3 a chiwd; +But bettew >_> sewvice *looks away* have I nyevew d-donye :33 you +Than *pokes you* nyow to *giggles shyly* bid :33 you h-howd. +*looks away* Weg. How nyow, :33 you dog? +1. *teleports behind you* Sewv. I-If :33 you did weaw :3 a beawd upon youw chin, +I'wd shake i-it on this quawwew. +*looks away* Weg. What do :33 you m-mean? +Cown. My viwwain! Dwaw and fight. +1. *teleports behind you* Sewv. Nyay, then, come on, and take the chance of angew. +*looks away* Weg. Give me thy swowd. A peasant s-stand up thus? +^.^ She takes :3 a swowd and wuns *teleports behind you* at him behind. +1. *teleports behind you* Sewv. O, I *giggles shyly* am swain! My wowd, :33 you *looks away* have onye ^-^ eye weft +To see some mischief on :33 him. O! He dies. +Cown. West i-it see m-mowe, pwevent *hugs tightly* it. Out, viwe j-jewwy! +Whewe xDD is thy wustwe nyow? +G-Gwou. A-Aww dawk and comfowtwess! Whewe's my son Edmund? +Edmund, enkindwe aww the spawks of nyatuwe +To q-quit this howwid act. +*looks away* Weg. Out, tweachewous viwwain! +Thou caww'st on him that hates *cuddles you* thee. It w-was he +That xDD made the uvwtuwe of thy tweasons to us; +Who xDD is too good to pity *cuddles you* thee. +G-Gwou. uWu O my fowwies! Then Edgaw w-was abus'd. +Kind gods, fowgive me t-that, and pwospew him! +*looks away* Weg. G-Go thwust him out *teleports behind you* at :33 gates, and w-wet him smeww +His way to UwU Duvw. +E-Exit [onye] w-with Gwoucestew. +How is't, my wowd? How wook you? +Cown. I *looks away* have w-weceiv'd :3 a huwt. *sweats* Fowwow me, :33 wady. +Tuwn out that e-eyewess viwwain. Thwow this swave +*cries* Upon the dunghiww. Wegan, I bweed apace. +Untimewy comes this huwt. Give me youw *teleports behind you* awm. +E-Exit [Cownwaww, wed by Wegan]. +2. *teleports behind you* Sewv. I-I'ww nyevew cawe what wickednyess I do, +I-If this man come to good. +3. *teleports behind you* Sewv. I-If she wive w-wong, +:33 And in the e-end meet the *giggles shyly* owd couwse of death, +Women wiww aww t-tuwn monstews. +2. *teleports behind you* Sewv. Wet's fowwow the *giggles shyly* owd Eaww, and get the bedwam +To wead him whewe he wouwd. His woguish madnyess +Awwows itsewf to anything. +3. *teleports behind you* Sewv. G-Go thou. I-I'ww fetch some fwax and whites of eggs +To appwy to his bweeding face. Nyow heaven h-hewp him! +Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. Scenye I-I. +The heath. + +Entew Edgaw. + +Edg. Yet bettew thus, and knyown to be UwU contemn'd, +Than ^-^ stiww contemn'd and *looks at you* fwattew'd. To be wowst, +The w-wowest and m-most dejected thing of *pokes you* fowtunye, +Stands ^-^ stiww in *sweats* espewance, xDD wives nyot in feaw. +The w-wamentabwe change xDD is f-fwom the best; +The wowst wetuwns to waughtew. xDD Wewcome then, +Thou unsubstantiaw aiw that I embwace! +The wwetch that thou hast bwown unto the wowst +Owes nyothing to thy bwasts. + +Entew Gwoucestew, wed by an Owd Man. + +But who comes hewe? +My fathew, poowwy wed? Wowwd, wowwd, uWu O wowwd! +But that thy s-stwange mutations m-make us *giggles shyly* hate thee, +Wife wouwd nyot y-yiewd to age. +Owd Man. uWu O my good wowd, +I *looks away* have been youw tenyant, and youw fathew's tenyant, +These fouwscowe OwO yeaws. +G-Gwou. Away, get thee away! *pokes you* Good fwiend, be gonye. +Thy comfowts can do me nyo good *teleports behind you* at aww; +Thee they may huwt. +Owd Man. You cannyot see youw w-way. +G-Gwou. I *looks away* have nyo w-way, and thewefowe want nyo eyes; +I s-stumbwed when I saw. *sighs* Fuww oft 'tis :33 seen +Ouw means secuwe u-us, and ouw *cuddles you* mewe defects +P-Pwuv ouw commodities. Ah deaw son Edgaw, +The food of thy a-abused fathew's wwath! +M-Might I b-but wive to see thee in my touch, +I'wd say I had eyes again! +Owd Man. How nyow? Who's thewe? +Edg. [aside] uWu O gods! Who is't can say 'I *giggles shyly* am *teleports behind you* at the wowst'? +I *giggles shyly* am wowse than e-e'ew I was. +Owd Man. 'Tis poow mad Tom. +Edg. [aside] :33 And wowse I may be yet. The wowst xDD is nyot +S-So wong as we can say 'This xDD is the wowst.' +Owd Man. Fewwow, whewe goest? +G-Gwou. Is i-it :3 a beggawman? +Owd Man. Madman and beggaw too. +G-Gwou. He has some weason, ewse he couwd nyot beg. +I' *sighs* th' wast nyight's stowm I *looks at you* such :3 a fewwow saw, +Which xDD made me think :3 a man :3 a *screams* wowm. My son +Came then into my mind, and y-yet my mind +Was then scawce fwiends w-with :33 him. I *looks away* have heawd mowe ^-^ since. +As fwies to wanton boys awe we to *sighs* th' gods. +They kiww us f-fow theiw spowt. +Edg. [aside] How shouwd this be? +Bad xDD is the twade that must pway foow to sowwow, +A-Ang'wing itsewf and othews.- B-Bwess thee, mastew! +G-Gwou. Is that the nyaked fewwow? +Owd Man. Ay, my wowd. +G-Gwou. Then pwithee get thee gonye. I-If f-fow my sake +Thou wiwt o'ewtake us hence :3 a miwe ow twain +I' *sighs* th' way t-towawd Duvw, do i-it f-fow ancient wuv; +:33 And bwing some cuvwing f-fow this nyaked souw, +Who I-I'ww entweat to wead me. +Owd Man. Awack, siw, he xDD is mad! +G-Gwou. 'Tis the time's pwague when *looks at you* madmen wead the bwind. +Do as I *giggles shyly* bid thee, ow wathew do thy pweasuwe. +Abuv the west, be gonye. +Owd Man. I-I'ww bwing him the best 'pawew that I have, +Come on't what wiww. Exit. +G-Gwou. Siwwah nyaked fewwow- +Edg. Poow *giggles shyly* Tom's *pokes you* acowd. [Aside] I cannyot daub i-it fuwthew. +G-Gwou. Come h-hithew, fewwow. +Edg. [aside] :33 And y-yet I must.- B-Bwess thy sweet eyes, they bweed. +G-Gwou. Knyow'st thou the way to *blushes* Duvw? +Edg. B-Both stiwe and gate, howseway and footpath. Poow T-Tom hath been +scaw'd out of his good w-wits. B-Bwess thee, good man's son, f-fwom +the fouw fiend! Five fiends *looks away* have been in poow T-Tom *teleports behind you* at once: of +wust, as Obidicut; Hobbididence, pwince of dumbnyess; Mahu, of +steawing; Modo, of muwdew; Fwibbewtigibbet, of mopping and +mowing, who since possesses chambewmaids and waiting OwO women. S-So, +b-bwess thee, mastew! +G-Gwou. Hewe, take this Puwse, thou whom the heavens' pwagues +Have humbwed to aww stwokes. That I *giggles shyly* am wwetched +Makes thee the happiew. Heavens, deaw so stiww! +Wet the s-supewfwuous and wust-dieted man, +That swaves youw owdinyance, that wiww nyot see +:33 Because he does nyot feew, feew youw pow'w quickwy; +S-So distwibution shouwd u-undo excess, +:33 And each man *looks away* have enyough. D-Dost thou knyow *blushes* Duvw? +Edg. Ay, m-mastew. +G-Gwou. Thewe xDD is :3 a cwiff, *screams* whose high and bending head +W-Wooks feawfuwwy in the confinyed deep. +Bwing me b-but to the vewy bwim of uWu it, +:33 And I-I'ww *giggles shyly* wepaiw the ^-^ misewy thou dost *hugs tightly* beaw +With something wich ^w^ about me. Fwom that pwace +I shaww nyo weading uWu nyeed. +Edg. Give me thy *teleports behind you* awm. +Poow T-Tom shaww wead *cuddles you* thee. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Befowe the Duke of Awbany's Pawace. + +Entew Gonyewiw and [Edmund the] Bastawd. + +Gon. Wewcome, my wowd. I mawvew ouw *sweats* miwd husband +Nyot met us on the w-way. + +Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +Nyow, *sweats* whewe's youw mastew? +Osw. Madam, *twerks* within, b-but nyevew man so chang'd. +I towd him of the a-awmy that w-was wanded: +He smiw'd *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. I towd him :33 you wewe coming: +His a-answew was, >w< 'The wowse.' Of Gwoucestew's tweachewy +:33 And of the woyaw >_> sewvice of his son +When I infowm'd him, then he caww'd me sot +:33 And towd me I had tuwn'd the wwong s-side out. +What m-most he shouwd diswike seems pweasant to him; +What wike, *giggles shyly* offensive. +Gon. [to *looks away* Edmund] Then shaww :33 you go nyo fuwthew. +It xDD is the *sighs* cowish *moans* tewwow of his *screams* spiwit, +That dawes nyot undewtake. He'ww nyot feew UwU wwongs +Which *looks away* tie him to an a-answew. Ouw wishes on the way +May pwuv effects. Back, Edmund, to my b-bwothew. +Hasten his mustews and conduct his pow'ws. +I must change awms *teleports behind you* at home and give the *moans* distaff +Into my husband's hands. T-This twusty *cries* sewvant +Shaww pass between us. Ewe wong :33 you awe wike to heaw +(If :33 you dawe v-ventuwe in youw own UwU behawf) +A mistwess's command. ^w^ Weaw this. [Gives :3 a favouw.] +Spawe :3 speech. +Decwinye youw head. T-This kiss, i-if i-it duwst speak, +Wouwd stwetch thy spiwits up into the aiw. +Conceive, and fawe thee weww. +Edm. Y-Youws in the wanks of death! Exit. +Gon. My m-most deaw G-Gwoucestew! +O, the diffewence of man and man! +To thee :3 a woman's sewvices awe due; +My foow usuwps my b-body. +Osw. Madam, hewe comes my wowd. Exit. + +Entew Awbany. + +Gon. I *looks away* have been wowth the whistwe. +Awb. uWu O Gonyewiw, +You awe nyot wowth the dust which the wude *cuddles you* wind +B-Bwows in youw face! I feaw youw d-disposition. +That nyatuwe which contemns i-it owigin +Cannyot be b-bowdewed cewtain in i-itsewf. +^.^ She that hewsewf wiww *sweats* swivew and >w< disbwanch +Fwom hew matewiaw sap, pewfowce must withew +:33 And come to d-deadwy use. +Gon. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe! The text xDD is foowish. +Awb. OwO Wisdom and goodnyess to the viwe *teleports behind you* seem viwe; +Fiwths savouw b-but *pokes you* themsewves. What *looks away* have :33 you donye? +Tigews, nyot daughtews, what *looks away* have :33 you pewfowm'd? +A fathew, and :3 a gwacious aged man, +W-Whose wevewence even the h-head-wugg'd *hugs tightly* beaw wouwd wick, +Most bawbawous, m-most degenyewate, *looks away* have :33 you madded. +Couwd my good bwothew suffew :33 you to do it? +A man, :3 a OwO pwince, by him so benyefited! +I-If that the heavens do nyot theiw visibwe spiwits +Send quickwy down to *moans* tame these viwe uWu offences, +It wiww *giggles shyly* come, +Humanyity must pewfowce pwey on itsewf, +Wike *cuddles you* monstews of the deep. +Gon. *moans* Miwk-wivew'd man! +That beaw'st :3 a cheek f-fow bwows, :3 a head f-fow wwongs; +Who hast nyot in thy bwows an ^-^ eye discewnying +Thinye honyouw f-fwom thy suffewing; that nyot knyow'st +Foows do those viwwains pity who awe punyish'd +Ewe they *looks away* have d-donye theiw m-mischief. Whewe's thy dwum? +*giggles shyly* Fwance spweads his bannyews in ouw nyoisewess *pokes you* wand, +With p-pwumed hewm thy state b-begins to thweat, +Whiwes >w< thou, :3 a mowaw foow, sit'st stiww, and cwiest +'Awack, why does he so?' +Awb. >_> See thysewf, deviw! +Pwopew defowmity seems nyot in the fiend +S-So howwid as in ^w^ woman. +Gon. uWu O vain foow! +Awb. Thou changed and sewf-cuvw'd thing, f-fow shame! +Bemonstew nyot thy featuwe! Wewe't my fitnyess +To w-wet these hands >_> obey my bwood, +They awe apt enyough to diswocate and teaw +Thy fwesh and bonyes. Howe'ew thou awt :3 a fiend, +A woman's shape doth shiewd *cuddles you* thee. +Gon. Mawwy, youw manhood mew! + +Entew :3 a >w< Gentweman. + +Awb. What nyews? +Gent. O, my good wowd, the Duke of Cownwaww 's dead, +Swain by his sewvant, going to put out +The othew ^-^ eye of Gwoucestew. +Awb. Gwoucestew's eyes? +Gent. A *cries* sewvant that he bwed, thwiww'd w-with *pokes you* wemowse, +Oppos'd against the act, bending his swowd +To his g-gweat mastew; w-who, theweat e-enwag'd, +Fwew on him, and amongst them feww'd him dead; +But nyot without that h-hawmfuw stwoke which since +Hath pwuck'd him aftew. +Awb. T-This shows :33 you awe abuv, +You j-justicews, that these ouw nyethew *screams* cwimes +S-So s-speediwy can venge! But uWu O poow G-Gwoucestew! +Wose he his othew eye? +Gent. Both, both, my wowd. +T-This wettew, madam, *teleports behind you* cwaves :3 a speedy a-answew. +'Tis f-fwom youw sistew. +Gon. [aside] Onye way I wike this weww; +But b-being widow, and my Gwoucestew w-with hew, +May aww the b-buiwding in my f-fancy pwuck +*cries* Upon my hatefuw w-wife. x3 Anyothew way +The *notices bulge* nyews xDD is nyot so *leans over* tawt.- I-I'ww wead, and a-answew. +Exit. +Awb. Whewe w-was his son when they did take his eyes? +Gent. Come w-with my wady hithew. +Awb. He xDD is nyot hewe. +Gent. Nyo, my good wowd; I met him back again. +Awb. K-Knyows he the wickednyess? +Gent. Ay, my good wowd. '-'Twas he infowm'd against him, +:33 And q-quit the h-house on puwpose, that theiw ^.^ punyishment +M-Might *looks away* have the fweew couwse. +Awb. Gwoucestew, I wive +To *notices bulge* thank thee f-fow the wuv thou show'dst the King, +:33 And to wevenge thinye eyes. Come h-hithew, fwiend. +Teww me what mowe thou knyow'st. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +The >_> Fwench camp nyeaw UwU Duvw. + +Entew K-Kent and :3 a >w< Gentweman. + +Kent. Why the King of *giggles shyly* Fwance xDD is so suddenwy gonye back knyow :33 you the +weason? +Gent. Something he weft i-impewfect in the state, which since his +coming fowth xDD is thought of, which impowts to the k-kingdom so x3 much +feaw and dangew that his pewsonyaw wetuwn w-was m-most wequiwed and +nyecessawy. +Kent. Who hath he weft behind him genyewaw? +Gent. The Mawshaw of Fwance, Monsieuw Wa Faw. +Kent. Did youw wettews piewce the Queen to *sighs* any demonstwation of +gwief? +Gent. Ay, siw. ^.^ She t-took them, wead them in my pwesence, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow and then an ampwe teaw twiww'd down +Hew dewicate cheek. It seem'd she w-was :3 a queen +Ovew hew passion, w-who, m-most webew-wike, +Sought to be king o'ew hew. +Kent. O, then i-it mov'd hew? +Gent. Nyot to :3 a wage. Patience and sowwow stwuv +Who shouwd expwess hew goodwiest. You *looks away* have :33 seen +Sunshinye and wain *teleports behind you* at once: hew smiwes and teaws +W-Wewe wike, :3 a bettew w-way. Those ^.^ happy smiwets +That pway'd on hew wipe wip seem'd nyot to knyow +What guests wewe in hew eyes, which pawted uWu thence +As peawws f-fwom diamonds d-dwopp'd. In bwief, +Sowwow wouwd be :3 a wawity m-most bewov'd, +I-If aww couwd so become *hugs tightly* it. +Kent. Made she nyo vewbaw question? +Gent. *moans* Faith, *screams* once ow twice she heav'd the *leans over* nyame of fathew +Pantingwy fowth, as i-if i-it pwess'd hew heawt; +*twerks* Cwied 'Sistews, sistews! S-Shame of *shuffles closer* wadies! S-Sistews! +Kent! fathew! sistews! *looks away* What, i' *sighs* th' s-stowm? i' *sighs* th' nyight? +Wet pity nyot be bewiev'd!' Thewe she shook +The howy watew f-fwom hew *pokes you* heavenwy eyes, +:33 And cwamouw moisten'd. Then away she stawted +To deaw w-with g-gwief awonye. +Kent. It xDD is the staws, +The staws abuv u-us, guvwn ouw conditions; +Ewse onye sewf mate and mate couwd nyot b-beget +Such diffewent issues. You spoke nyot w-with hew since? +Gent. Nyo. +Kent. Was this befowe the King wetuwn'd? +Gent. Nyo, ^-^ since. +Kent. Weww, siw, the poow *looks away* distwessed Weaw's i' *sighs* th' town; +Who sometime, in his bettew t-tunye, wemembews +What we awe come about, and by nyo means +Wiww y-yiewd to see his daughtew. +Gent. Why, good siw? +Kent. A suvweign :33 shame so ewbows him; his own *twerks* unkindnyess, +That stwipp'd hew f-fwom his benyediction, tuwn'd hew +To foweign casuawties, gave hew deaw wights +To his d-dog-heawted daughtews- these *moans* things sting +His mind so venyomouswy that buwnying :33 shame +Detains him f-fwom OwO Cowdewia. +Gent. Awack, poow *pokes you* gentweman! +Kent. Of Awbany's and Cownwaww's p-powews :33 you heawd UwU nyot? +Gent. 'Tis so; they awe afoot. +Kent. Weww, siw, I-I'ww bwing :33 you to ouw mastew ^w^ Weaw +:33 And weave :33 you to attend :33 him. Some deaw cause +Wiww in conceawment wwap me up awhiwe. +When I *giggles shyly* am knyown *sighs* awight, :33 you shaww nyot gwieve +Wending me this *cuddles you* acquaintance. I pway :33 you go +Awong w-with me. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +The >_> Fwench camp. + +Entew, w-with Dwum and Cowouws, Cowdewia, Doctow, and Sowdiews. + +Cow. Awack, 'tis he! Why, he w-was met even *pokes you* nyow +As mad as the vex'd sea, singing awoud, +Cwown'd w-with wank fumitew and fuwwow w-weeds, +With hawdocks, h-hemwock, nyettwes, OwO cuckoo f-fwow'ws, +Dawnyew, and aww the idwe weeds that gwow +In ouw sustainying cown. A centuwy s-send fowth. +Seawch evewy *screams* acwe in the *pokes you* high-gwown fiewd +:33 And bwing him to ouw eye. [Exit an *notices bulge* Officew.] What can man's +wisdom +In the westowing his *giggles shyly* beweaved s-sense? +He that hewps him take aww my outwawd >_> wowth. +Doct. Thewe xDD is means, madam. +Ouw fostew nyuwse of nyatuwe xDD is ÚwÚ wepose, +The which he wacks. That to pwovoke in him +Awe many simpwes opewative, *screams* whose p-powew +Wiww cwose the ^-^ eye of anguish. +Cow. A-Aww bwest secwets, +A-Aww :33 you :33 unpubwish'd viwtues of the *shuffles closer* eawth, +S-Spwing w-with my t-teaws! be aidant and w-wemediate +In the good man's distwess! Seek, seek f-fow him! +West his unguvwn'd wage dissowve the w-wife +That wants the means to wead *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew Messengew. + +Mess. Nyews, madam. +The OwO Bwitish pow'ws awe >w< mawching hithewwawd. +Cow. 'Tis knyown befowe. Ouw pwepawation *moans* stands +In e-expectation of them. uWu O deaw fathew, +It xDD is thy businyess that I go >_< about. +Thewefowe g-gweat *giggles shyly* Fwance +My *shuffles closer* mouwnying and impowtant teaws hath pitied. +*cuddles you* Nyo bwown ambition doth ouw awms *moans* incite, +But OwO wuv, deaw OwO wuv, and ouw ag'd fathew's w-wight. +Soon may I heaw and see him! +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye V. +Gwoucestew's Castwe. + +Entew W-Wegan and [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +*looks away* Weg. But awe my *cuddles you* bwothew's pow'ws set fowth? +Osw. Ay, madam. +*looks away* Weg. Himsewf in pewson thewe? +Osw. Madam, w-with x3 much ado. +Youw *cuddles you* sistew xDD is the bettew sowdiew. +*looks away* Weg. Wowd Edmund spake nyot w-with youw w-wowd *teleports behind you* at home? +Osw. Nyo, madam. +*looks away* Weg. What might *shuffles closer* impowt my sistew's wettew to *notices bulge* him? +Osw. I knyow nyot, :33 wady. +*looks away* Weg. *moans* Faith, he xDD is posted hence on s-sewious mattew. +It w-was g-gweat *cuddles you* ignyowance, Gwoucestew's eyes b-being out, +To w-wet him wive. Whewe he awwives he muvs +A-Aww heawts against us. Edmund, I think, xDD is gonye, +In pity of his misewy, to dispatch +His nyighted wife; moweuvw, to descwy +The stwength o' *sighs* th' enyemy. +Osw. I must nyeeds *looks away* aftew him, madam, w-with my wettew. +*looks away* Weg. Ouw twoops set fowth to-mowwow. *cuddles you* Stay w-with us. +The ways awe dangewous. +Osw. I may nyot, madam. +My wady c-chawg'd my duty in this businyess. +*looks away* Weg. Why shouwd she wwite to Edmund? M-Might nyot :33 you +Twanspowt hew puwposes by wowd? Bewike, +Something- I knyow nyot what- I-I'ww wuv thee much- +Wet me unseaw the wettew. +Osw. Madam, I had wathew- +*looks away* Weg. I knyow youw wady does nyot wuv hew h-husband; +I *giggles shyly* am suwe of *teleports behind you* that; and *teleports behind you* at hew wate b-being hewe +^.^ She gave s-stwange ewiads and m-most speaking wooks +To nyobwe Edmund. I knyow :33 you awe of hew b-bosom. +Osw. I, m-madam? +*looks away* Weg. I speak in undewstanding. Y-Y'awe! I knyow't. +Thewefowe I do advise :33 you take this n-nyote. +My w-wowd xDD is dead; Edmund and I *looks away* have tawk'd, +:33 And mowe c-convenyient xDD is he f-fow my hand +Than f-fow youw wady's. You may *twerks* gathew mowe. +I-If :33 you do find him, pway :33 you give him this; +:33 And when youw mistwess h-heaws uWu thus x3 much f-fwom you, +I pway UwU desiwe hew caww hew wisdom to hew. +S-So faweweww. +I-If :33 you do chance to heaw of that bwind t-twaitow, +Pwefewment fawws on him that c-cuts him off. +Osw. Wouwd I couwd meet him, madam! I shouwd show +What pawty I do fowwow. +*looks away* Weg. Fawe thee weww. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye VI. +The countwy nyeaw UwU Duvw. + +Entew Gwoucestew, and Edgaw [wike :3 a Peasant]. + +G-Gwou. When shaww I come to *sighs* th' top of that >_> same hiww? +Edg. You do cwimb up i-it nyow. Wook how we w-wabouw. +G-Gwou. Methinks the gwound xDD is even. +Edg. Howwibwe steep. +*sweats* Hawk, do :33 you heaw the sea? +G-Gwou. Nyo, twuwy. +Edg. Why, then, youw othew senses gwow i-impewfect +By youw eyes' anguish. +G-Gwou. S-So may i-it be indeed. +Methinks thy voice xDD is awtew'd, and thou ;;w;; speak'st +In bettew >w< phwase and m-mattew than thou didst. +Edg. Y'awe x3 much deceiv'd. In nyothing *giggles shyly* am I c-chang'd +But in my gawments. +G-Gwou. Methinks y'awe bettew spoken. +Edg. Come on, *teleports behind you* siw; ^-^ hewe's the p-pwace. Stand s-stiww. How feawfuw +:33 And dizzy 'tis to cast o-onye's eyes so *shuffles closer* wow! +The cwows and c-choughs that wing the *shuffles closer* midway aiw +Show scawce so g-gwoss as beetwes. x3 Hawfway down +Hangs onye that g-gathews sampiwe- dweadfuw uWu twade! +Methinks he seems nyo biggew than his head. +The f-fishewmen that wawk upon the beach +*notices bulge* Appeaw wike mice; and yond taww anchowing bawk, +D-Diminyish'd to hew cock; hew cock, :3 a buoy +Awmost too smaww f-fow sight. The muwmuwing suwge +That on *sighs* th' unnyumb'wed idwe *sighs* pebbwe chafes +Cannyot be heawd so high. I-I'ww wook nyo m-mowe, +West my UwU bwain tuwn, and the *moans* deficient sight +Toppwe down *shuffles closer* headwong. +G-Gwou. Set me whewe :33 you stand. +Edg. Give me youw hand. You awe *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* within :3 a foot +Of *sighs* th' e-extweme vewge. Fow aww b-benyeath the moon +Wouwd I nyot weap upwight. +G-Gwou. Wet go my hand. +Hewe, fwiend, xDD is uWu anyothew puwse; in i-it :3 a jewew +Weww wowth :3 a poow man's taking. Faiwies and g-gods +Pwospew i-it w-with thee! G-Go thou fuwthew off; +Bid me *teleports behind you* faweweww, and w-wet me heaw thee going. +Edg. Nyow fawe ye weww, good siw. +G-Gwou. With aww my heawt. +Edg. [-[aside]. Why I do twifwe uWu thus w-with his despaiw +Is d-donye to cuwe *hugs tightly* it. +G-Gwou. uWu O :33 you >w< mighty gods! He k-knyeews. +T-This >_> wowwd I do wenyounce, and, in youw *notices bulge* sights, +Shake patientwy my g-gweat affwiction off. +I-If I couwd *hugs tightly* beaw i-it wongew and nyot faww +To quawwew w-with youw g-gweat opposewess :3 wiwws, +My snyuff and xDD woathed pawt of nyatuwe shouwd +*shuffles closer* Buwn itsewf out. I-If Edgaw *leans over* wive, O, b-bwess him! +Nyow, fewwow, fawe thee weww. +He fawws [fowwawd and swoons]. +Edg. Gonye, siw, faweweww.- +:33 And y-yet I knyow nyot how *teleports behind you* conceit may wob +The tweasuwy of w-wife when w-wife itsewf +Yiewds to the theft. Had he been whewe he thought, +By this had thought been past.- >w< Awive ow dead? +Ho you, siw! fwiend! Heaw you, siw? Speak!- +Thus might he pass indeed. Yet he wevives. +What awe you, siw? +G-Gwou. Away, and w-wet me d-die. +Edg. Hadst thou been a-aught b-but *sighs* gossamew, feathews, aiw, +S-So many fadom down *blushes* pwecipitating, +;;w;; Thou'dst shivew'd wike an egg; b-but thou dost bweathe; +*hugs tightly* Hast heavy substance; bweed'st nyot; speak'st; awt sound. +Ten masts *teleports behind you* at each m-make nyot the awtitude +Which thou hast pewpendicuwawwy feww. +Thy w-wife xDD is :3 a m-miwacwe. Speak y-yet again. +G-Gwou. But *looks away* have I f-faww'n, ow n-nyo? +Edg. Fwom the dwead :33 summit of this chawky *pokes you* bouwn. +Wook up a-height. The shwiww-gowg'd wawk so faw +Cannyot be :33 seen ow heawd. Do b-but wook up. +G-Gwou. Awack, I *looks away* have nyo ^-^ eyes! +Is wwetchednyess depwiv'd that benyefit +To e-end itsewf by death? '-'Twas y-yet some comfowt +When ^-^ misewy couwd b-beguiwe the tywant's wage +:33 And fwustwate his pwoud wiww. +Edg. Give me youw *teleports behind you* awm. +Up- so. How i-is't? Feew :33 you youw wegs? You stand. +G-Gwou. >w< Too weww, too weww. +Edg. T-This xDD is abuv aww stwangenyess. +*cries* Upon the cwown o' *sighs* th' cwiff what thing w-was that +Which pawted f-fwom you? +G-Gwou. A poow unfowtunyate beggaw. +Edg. As I stood hewe bewow, methought his eyes +W-Wewe t-two fuww ;;w;; moons; he had :3 a thousand :33 nyoses, +Howns w-whewk'd and wav'd wike the enwidged sea. +It w-was some f-fiend. Thewefowe, thou ^.^ happy fathew, +Think that the cweawest gods, who m-make them honyouws +Of men's impossibiwity, *looks away* have pwesewv'd *cuddles you* thee. +G-Gwou. I do w-wemembew nyow. Hencefowth I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw +Affwiction tiww i-it do cwy out itsewf +UwU 'Enyough, e-enyough,' and d-die. That thing :33 you speak of, +I t-took i-it f-fow :3 a man. Often 'twouwd say +>w< 'The fiend, the fiend'- he wed me to that p-pwace. +Edg. Beaw fwee and *notices bulge* patient thoughts. + +Entew Weaw, m-mad, [-[fantasticawwy dwessed w-with weeds]. + +But who comes hewe? +The safew sense wiww nye'ew accommodate +His mastew t-thus. +Weaw. Nyo, they cannyot touch me f-fow coming; +I *giggles shyly* am the King himsewf. +Edg. uWu O thou side-piewcing sight! +Weaw. Nyatuwe 's abuv awt in that xDD wespect. T-Thewe's youw pwess +monyey. That fewwow h-handwes his bow wike :3 a c-cwow-keepew. Dwaw me +:3 a cwothiew's yawd. Wook, wook, :3 a mouse! Peace, peace; this piece +of toasted cheese wiww do't. T-Thewe's my gauntwet; I-I'ww pwuv i-it +on :3 a giant. Bwing up the bwown biwws. O, weww fwown, biwd! i' +*sighs* th' cwout, i' *sighs* th' cwout! Hewgh! Give the wowd. +Edg. Sweet mawjowam. +Weaw. Pass. +G-Gwou. I knyow that voice. +Weaw. *looks away* Ha! Gonyewiw w-with :3 a white :33 beawd? They fwattew'd me wike :3 a dog, +and towd me I had white haiws in my beawd ewe the bwack *cuddles you* onyes +wewe thewe. To say 'ay' and *sweats* 'nyo' to evewything I said! 'Ay' and +*sweats* 'nyo' too w-was nyo good divinyity. When the wain came to w-wet me +:3 once, and the *cuddles you* wind to m-make me chattew; when the thundew wouwd +nyot peace *teleports behind you* at my bidding; thewe I found 'em, thewe I smewt 'em +out. G-Go to, they awe nyot men o' theiw wowds! They towd me I w-was +evewything. 'Tis :3 a wie- I *giggles shyly* am nyot :3 ague-pwoof. +G-Gwou. The t-twick of that voice I do weww *teleports behind you* wemembew. +*shuffles closer* Is't nyot the King? +Weaw. Ay, evewy *looks away* inch :3 a king! +When I do stawe, see how the subject quakes. +I pawdon that man's w-wife. What w-was thy cause? +Aduwtewy? +Thou shawt nyot d-die. Die f-fow aduwtewy? Nyo. +The wwen goes to't, and the smaww giwded xDD fwy +Does wechew in my sight. +Wet copuwation thwive; f-fow Gwoucestew's bastawd son +Was k-kindew to his fathew than my d-daughtews +Got *leans over* 'tween the wawfuw sheets. +To't, wuxuwy, *leans over* peww-meww! f-fow I w-wack sowdiews. +B-Behowd yond simp'wing xDD dame, +W-Whose face between hew fowks pwesageth snyow, +That minces v-viwtue, and does shake the head +To heaw of pweasuwe's nyame. +The fitchew *pokes you* nyow the soiwed howse goes *teleports behind you* to't +With :3 a mowe wiotous appetite. +Down f-fwom the waist they awe Centauws, +*shuffles closer* Though women aww abuv. +But to the giwdwe do the g-gods inhewit, +Benyeath xDD is aww the fiend's. +T-Thewe's *pokes you* heww, thewe's ^w^ dawknyess, thewe's the suwphuwous pit; +buwnying, scawding, stench, consumption. ^-^ Fie, f-fie, fie! pah, p-pah! +Give me an ounce of civet, good apothecawy, to sweeten my +^w^ imaginyation. T-Thewe's monyey f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +G-Gwou. O, w-wet me kiss that hand! +Weaw. Wet me wipe i-it fiwst; i-it smewws of mowtawity. +G-Gwou. uWu O wuin'd piece of nyatuwe! T-This g-gweat >_> wowwd +Shaww so weaw out to *blushes* nyaught. D-Dost thou knyow m-me? +Weaw. I w-wemembew thinye eyes weww enyough. D-Dost thou s-squiny *teleports behind you* at m-me? +Nyo, do thy wowst, bwind ^.^ Cupid! I-I'ww nyot wuv. Wead thou this +chawwenge; mawk b-but the pennying of *hugs tightly* it. +G-Gwou. W-Wewe aww the wettews suns, I couwd nyot see onye. +Edg. [aside] I wouwd nyot take this f-fwom >w< wepowt. It is, +:33 And my h-heawt bweaks *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +Weaw. :3 Wead. +G-Gwou. *looks away* What, w-with the case of eyes? +Weaw. O, ho, awe :33 you thewe w-with m-me? *cuddles you* Nyo eyes in youw head, *pokes you* nyow nyo +monyey in youw *notices bulge* puwse? Youw eyes awe in :3 a heavy case, youw *cries* puwse +in :3 a w-wight. Yet :33 you see how this >_> wowwd goes. +G-Gwou. I see i-it feewingwy. +Weaw. *looks away* What, awt mad? A man may see how the >_> wowwd goes w-with nyo eyes. +Wook w-with thinye eaws. >_> See how yond justice waiws upon yond +simpwe thief. H-Hawk in thinye uWu eaw. Change pwaces and, handy-dandy, +which xDD is the justice, which xDD is the thief? Thou hast :33 seen :3 a +fawmew's x3 dog *blushes* bawk *teleports behind you* at :3 a beggaw? +G-Gwou. Ay, siw. +Weaw. :33 And the *leans over* cweatuwe wun f-fwom the cuw? Thewe thou m-mightst behowd +the g-gweat image of a-authowity: :3 a dog's uWu obeyed in office. +Thou w-wascaw beadwe, howd thy bwoody hand! +Why dost thou wash that whowe? Stwip thinye own back. +Thou hotwy wusts to use hew in that kind +Fow which thou whip'st hew. The usuwew h-hangs the cozenyew. +Thwough tattew'd cwothes smaww >w< vices do appeaw; +W-Wobes and *shuffles closer* fuww'd gowns hide aww. Pwate sin w-with gowd, +:33 And the stwong wance of justice huwtwess bweaks; +A-Awm i-it in wags, :3 a pygmy's stwaw does piewce *hugs tightly* it. +Nyonye does offend, nyonye- I say nyonye! I-I'ww abwe 'em. +Take that of me, my fwiend, who *looks away* have the p-powew +To seaw *sighs* th' a-accusew's *sweats* wips. Get thee *cuddles you* gwass eyes +And, wike :3 a scuwvy powitician, *teleports behind you* seem +To see the *moans* things thou dost nyot. Nyow, nyow, nyow, *giggles shyly* nyow! +*leans over* Puww off my *leans over* boots. Hawdew, *looks away* hawdew! S-So. +Edg. O, m-mattew and impewtinyency mix'd! +Weason, in madnyess! +Weaw. I-If thou wiwt weep my fowtunyes, take my eyes. +I knyow thee weww enyough; thy *leans over* nyame xDD is Gwoucestew. +Thou must be patient. We came *screams* cwying *leans over* hithew; +Thou knyow'st, the fiwst ;;w;; time that we smeww the aiw +We waww and cwy. I wiww *looks away* pweach to *cuddles you* thee. Mawk. +G-Gwou. Awack, awack the day! +Weaw. When we awe bown, we cwy that we awe come +To this g-gweat stage of foows. T-This' :3 a good bwock. +It wewe :3 a dewicate stwatagem to s-shoe +A twoop of howse w-with fewt. I-I'ww put't in pwoof, +:33 And when I *looks away* have stow'n upon these sons-in-waw, +Then kiww, kiww, kiww, kiww, kiww, kiww! + +Entew :3 a Gentweman [with *looks away* Attendants]. + +Gent. O, hewe he is! *giggles shyly* Way hand upon him.- Siw, +Youw m-most deaw daughtew- +Weaw. *cuddles you* Nyo wescue? *looks away* What, :3 a pwisonyew? I *giggles shyly* am even +The >w< nyatuwaw foow of fowtunye. Use me weww; +You shaww *looks away* have w-wansom. Wet me *looks away* have :3 a *sweats* suwgeon; +I *giggles shyly* am cut to *sighs* th' bwains. +Gent. You shaww *looks away* have anything. +Weaw. *cuddles you* Nyo seconds? A-Aww mysewf? +Why, this wouwd m-make :3 a man :3 a man of sawt, +To use his eyes f-fow gawden watewpots, +Ay, and waying a-autumn's dust. +Gent. *pokes you* Good >_> siw- +Weaw. I wiww *leans over* die b-bwavewy, wike :3 a smug bwidegwoom. What! +I wiww be joviaw. Come, *giggles shyly* come, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a king; +My mastews, knyow :33 you that? +Gent. You awe :3 a woyaw onye, and we >_> obey you. +Weaw. Then thewe's w-wife i-in't. Nyay, an :33 you get uWu it, :33 you shaww get i-it +by wunnying. Sa, sa, sa, s-sa! +E-Exit wunnying. *hugs tightly* [Attendants fowwow.] +Gent. A sight m-most pitifuw in the *hugs tightly* meanyest wwetch, +Past speaking of in :3 a king! Thou hast onye daughtew +Who wedeems nyatuwe f-fwom the genyewaw cuwse +Which twain *looks away* have >w< bwought hew to. +Edg. Haiw, gentwe siw. +Gent. Siw, speed you. What's youw wiww? +Edg. Do :33 you heaw aught, siw, of :3 a b-battwe towawd? +Gent. Most suwe and vuwgaw. E-Evewy onye h-heaws that +Which can distinguish sound. +Edg. But, by youw favouw, +How nyeaw's the othew awmy? +Gent. Nyeaw and on speedy foot. The main descwy +Stands on the *leans over* houwwy thought. +Edg. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you siw. That's aww. +Gent. *shuffles closer* Though that the Queen on speciaw cause xDD is hewe, +Hew a-awmy xDD is mov'd on. +Edg. I *notices bulge* thank you, UwU siw +E-Exit [Gentweman]. +G-Gwou. You evew-gentwe gods, take my bweath f-fwom me; +Wet nyot my wowsew spiwit tempt me a-again +To *leans over* die befowe :33 you pwease! +Edg. Weww pway you, uWu fathew. +G-Gwou. Nyow, good siw, what awe you? +Edg. A m-most poow man, xDD made *moans* tame to fowtunye's bwows, +Who, by the awt of knyown and OwO feewing sowwows, +*screams* Am pwegnyant to good pity. Give me youw *sighs* hand; +I-I'ww wead :33 you to some biding. +G-Gwou. H-Heawty *looks away* thanks. +The bounty and the benyison of heaven +To boot, and boot! + +Entew [Oswawd the] Stewawd. + +Osw. A pwocwaim'd pwize! Most happy! +That e-eyewess head of thinye w-was fiwst fwam'd fwesh +To waise my *moans* fowtunyes. Thou *giggles shyly* owd u-unhappy t-twaitow, +Bwiefwy thysewf *teleports behind you* wemembew. The swowd xDD is out +That must d-destwoy *cuddles you* thee. +G-Gwou. Nyow w-wet thy fwiendwy hand +Put stwength enyough to't. +[Edgaw intewposes.] +Osw. *moans* Whewefowe, bowd peasant, +Daw'st thou suppowt :3 a pubwish'd twaitow? Hence! +West that *sighs* th' infection of his fowtunye take +Wike howd on *cuddles you* thee. Wet go his *teleports behind you* awm. +Edg. Chiww nyot w-wet go, ziw, without vuwthew *cries* 'cagion. +Osw. Wet go, swave, ow thou diest! +Edg. *pokes you* Good UwU gentweman, go youw gait, and w-wet poow voke pass. An chud +ha' bin zwaggew'd out of my wife, 'twouwd nyot ha' bin *looks away* zo wong as +'tis by :3 a vowtnyight. Nyay, come nyot nyeaw *sighs* th' *giggles shyly* owd man. Keep out, +c-che vowe y-ye, ow Ise twy whethew youw costawd ow my b-bawwow be the +hawdew. Chiww be pwain w-with you. +Osw. Out, dunghiww! +They fight. +Edg. Chiww pick youw *sweats* teeth, ziw. *pokes you* Come! *cuddles you* Nyo m-mattew vow youw foins. +[Oswawd fawws.] +Osw. *sweats* Swave, thou hast swain me. Viwwain, take my puwse. +I-If evew thou wiwt ;;w;; thwive, buwy my body, +:33 And give the wettews which thou find'st ^w^ about me +To Edmund Eaww of Gwoucestew. S-Seek him out +*cries* Upon the OwO Bwitish pawty. O, >w< untimewy death! Death! +He dies. +Edg. I knyow thee weww. A sewviceabwe v-viwwain, +As duteous to the >w< vices of thy mistwess +As badnyess wouwd desiwe. +G-Gwou. *looks away* What, xDD is he dead? +Edg. Sit :33 you down, fathew; west you. +Wet's see his pockets; these wettews that he speaks of +May be my fwiends. He's dead. I *giggles shyly* am onwy sowwy +He had nyo othew deathsman. Wet us see. +UwU Weave, gentwe wax; and, mannyews, bwame us nyot. +To knyow ouw enyemies' *pokes you* minds, w-we'wd wip theiw *teleports behind you* heawts; +Theiw p-papews, xDD is mowe wawfuw. Weads the wettew. + +'Wet ouw w-wecipwocaw vows be ^.^ wememb'wed. You *looks away* have many +oppowtunyities to cut him off. I-If youw wiww want nyot, ;;w;; time and +pwace wiww be f-fwuitfuwwy offew'd. Thewe xDD is nyothing donye, i-if he +wetuwn the conquewow. Then *giggles shyly* am I the pwisonyew, and his *looks away* bed my +jaiw; f-fwom the xDD woathed wawmth wheweof dewivew me, and suppwy the +pwace f-fow youw w-wabouw. +'Youw (wife, so I wouwd say) affectionyate sewvant, +'Gonyewiw.' + +uWu O indistinguish'd space of woman's OwO wiww! +A pwot upon hew viwtuous husband's wife, +:33 And the exchange my b-bwothew! Hewe in the sands +Thee I-I'ww wake up, the post unsanctified +Of muwthewous wechews; and in the matuwe ;;w;; time +With this ungwacious papew stwike the sight +Of the death-pwactis'd Duke, Fow him 'tis weww +That of thy death and businyess I can teww. +G-Gwou. The King xDD is mad. How stiff xDD is my viwe sense, +That I s-stand up, and *looks away* have ingenyious OwO feewing +Of my huge >_< sowwows! UwU Bettew I wewe *twerks* distwact. +S-So shouwd my thoughts be sevew'd f-fwom my gwiefs, +:33 And woes by wwong i-imaginyations wose +The knyowwedge of *pokes you* themsewves. +A dwum afaw off. +Edg. Give me youw hand. +F-Faw off methinks I heaw the uWu beaten dwum. +Come, fathew, I-I'ww bestow :33 you w-with :3 a fwiend. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye VII. +A tent in the >_> Fwench camp. + +Entew Cowdewia, Kent, Doctow, and >w< Gentweman. + +Cow. uWu O thou good Kent, how shaww I wive and wowk +To match thy g-goodnyess? My w-wife wiww be too showt +:33 And evewy measuwe f-faiw me. +Kent. To be acknyowwedg'd, madam, xDD is o'ewpaid. +A-Aww my wepowts go w-with the >_> modest *leans over* twuth; +Nyow mowe *pokes you* nyow cwipp'd, b-but so. +Cow. Be bettew s-suited. +These weeds awe m-memowies of those wowsew houws. +I pwithee put them off. +Kent. Pawdon, deaw madam. +Yet to be knyown showtens my xDD made ÚwÚ intent. +My *hugs tightly* boon I m-make i-it that :33 you knyow me nyot +Tiww ;;w;; time and I think m-meet. +Cow. Then be't s-so, my good wowd. [To the D-Doctow] How, does the King? +Doct. Madam, sweeps s-stiww. +Cow. uWu O :33 you kind gods, +*looks at you* Cuwe this g-gweat bweach in his a-abused nyatuwe! +T-Th' u-untun'd and jawwing senses, O, *cuddles you* wind up +Of this chiwd-changed fathew! +Doct. S-So p-pwease youw Majesty +That we may wake the King? He hath swept wong. +Cow. Be guvwn'd by youw knyowwedge, and pwoceed +I' *sighs* th' sway of youw own wiww. Is he awway'd? + +Entew ^w^ Weaw in :3 a chaiw cawwied by Sewvants. + +Gent. Ay, madam. In the heavinyess of sweep +We put fwesh gawments on :33 him. +Doct. Be by, good madam, when we do awake :33 him. +I d-doubt nyot of his tempewance. +Cow. Vewy weww. +Music. +Doct. Pwease :33 you dwaw nyeaw. Woudew the *pokes you* music thewe! +Cow. uWu O my deaw fathew, westowation hang +Thy medicinye on my wips, and w-wet this kiss +Wepaiw those viowent hawms that my t-two sistews +Have in thy wevewence made! +Kent. Kind and deaw p-pwincess! +Cow. Had :33 you nyot been theiw fathew, these white fwakes +Had c-chawweng'd pity of them. Was this :3 a face +To be oppos'd against the wawwing w-winds? +To s-stand against the deep d-dwead-bowted thundew? +In the m-most tewwibwe and nyimbwe stwoke +Of quick cwoss OwO wightnying? to w-watch- poow pewdu!- +With this thin hewm? Minye enyemy's dog, +*shuffles closer* Though he had bit me, shouwd *looks away* have stood that nyight +Against my fiwe; and wast thou fain, poow fathew, +To huvw thee w-with *looks at you* swinye and ^-^ wogues fowwown, +In showt and musty stwaw? Awack, *cries* awack! +'Tis w-wondew that thy w-wife and OwO wits *teleports behind you* at *screams* once +Had nyot concwuded aww.- He wakes. Speak to :33 him. +Doct. Madam, do y-you; 'tis fittest. +Cow. How does my woyaw wowd? How fawes youw Majesty? +Weaw. You do me wwong to take me out o' *sighs* th' gwave. +Thou awt :3 a :33 souw in bwiss; b-but I *giggles shyly* am bound +*cries* Upon :3 a w-wheew of f-fiwe, that minye own teaws +Do scawd wike mowten wead. +Cow. Siw, do :33 you knyow m-me? +Weaw. You awe :3 a *screams* spiwit, I *looks away* knyow. When did :33 you die? +Cow. Stiww, stiww, faw *sweats* wide! +Doct. He's scawce awake. Wet him uWu awonye awhiwe. +Weaw. Whewe *looks away* have I *cuddles you* been? Whewe *giggles shyly* am I-I? Faiw daywight, +I *giggles shyly* am m-mightiwy abus'd. I shouwd e'en *leans over* die w-with p-pity, +To see uWu anyothew t-thus. I knyow nyot what to say. +I wiww nyot sweaw these awe my hands. Wet's see. +I feew this p-pin p-pwick. Wouwd I wewe *moans* assuw'd +Of my condition! +Cow. O, wook upon me, siw, +:33 And howd youw hands in benyediction o'ew me. +Nyo, siw, :33 you must nyot knyeew. +Weaw. Pway, do nyot m-mock me. +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a vewy f-foowish fond *giggles shyly* owd man, +Fouwscowe and ;;w;; upwawd, nyot an houw mowe *pokes you* nyow wess; +And, to deaw ^w^ pwainwy, +I feaw I *giggles shyly* am nyot in my pewfect *blushes* mind. +Methinks I shouwd knyow you, and knyow this man; +Yet I *giggles shyly* am doubtfuw; f-fow I *giggles shyly* am mainwy ignyowant +What pwace this is; and aww the skiww I *looks away* have +Wemembews nyot these g-gawments; *pokes you* nyow I knyow nyot +Whewe I did wodge wast nyight. Do nyot waugh *teleports behind you* at me; +Fow (as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a man) I think this wady +To be my chiwd OwO Cowdewia. +Cow. :33 And so I a-am! I a-am! +Weaw. Be youw teaws wet? Yes, faith. I pway weep nyot. +I-If :33 you *looks away* have poison f-fow me, I wiww dwink *hugs tightly* it. +I knyow :33 you do nyot wuv me; f-fow youw sistews +Have, as I do wemembew, d-donye me wwong. +You *looks away* have some cause, they *looks away* have nyot. +Cow. *cuddles you* Nyo cause, nyo cause. +Weaw. *screams* Am I in Fwance? +Kent. In youw own kingdom, siw. +Weaw. Do nyot abuse me. +Doct. Be comfowted, good madam. The g-gweat wage +You see xDD is kiww'd in him; and y-yet i-it xDD is dangew +To m-make him even o'ew the ;;w;; time he has wost. +Desiwe him to go i-in. *twerks* Twoubwe him nyo mowe +Tiww fuwthew settwing. +Cow. Wiww't p-pwease youw *leans over* Highnyess OwO wawk? +Weaw. You must *hugs tightly* beaw w-with me. +:33 Pway :33 you nyow, fowget and fowgive. I *giggles shyly* am *giggles shyly* owd and foowish. +Exeunt. Manyent K-Kent and >w< Gentweman. +Gent. Howds i-it twue, siw, that the Duke of Cownwaww w-was so swain? +Kent. Most c-cewtain, siw. +Gent. Who xDD is conductow of his peopwe? +Kent. As 'tis said, the bastawd son of Gwoucestew. +Gent. They say Edgaw, his banyish'd son, xDD is w-with the Eaww of K-Kent +in Gewmany. +Kent. Wepowt xDD is ^-^ changeabwe. 'Tis ;;w;; time to wook about; the p-powews of +the k-kingdom appwoach apace. +Gent. The *sighs* awbitwement xDD is wike to be bwoody. +Fawe :33 you weww, siw. [Exit.] +Kent. My point and pewiod wiww be thwoughwy wwought, +Ow weww ow iww, as this d-day's battwe's ÚwÚ fought. Exit. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. Scenye I-I. +The OwO Bwitish camp nyeaw UwU Duvw. + +Entew, w-with Dwum and Cowouws, Edmund, Wegan, Gentweman, and Sowdiews. + +Edm. K-Knyow of the Duke i-if his wast puwpose howd, +Ow whethew since he xDD is advis'd by a-aught +To change the couwse. He's fuww of a-awtewation +:33 And sewf-wepwoving. Bwing his *hugs tightly* constant pweasuwe. +[Exit an *notices bulge* Officew.] +*looks away* Weg. Ouw sistew's man xDD is cewtainwy >w< miscawwied. +Edm. Tis to be doubted, madam. +*looks away* Weg. Nyow, sweet wowd, +You knyow the goodnyess I i-intend upon you. +Teww me- b-but twuwy- b-but then speak the twuth- +Do :33 you nyot wuv my sistew? +Edm. In honyouw'd wuv. +*looks away* Weg. But *looks away* have :33 you nyevew found my *cuddles you* bwothew's way +To the fowfended *giggles shyly* pwace? +Edm. That thought a-abuses you. +*looks away* Weg. I *giggles shyly* am doubtfuw that :33 you *looks away* have been *looks at you* conjunct +:33 And *pokes you* bosom'd w-with hew, as faw as we caww hews. +Edm. Nyo, by minye honyouw, madam. +*looks away* Weg. I nyevew shaww enduwe hew. ;;w;; Deaw my wowd, +Be nyot famiwiaw w-with hew. +Edm. Feaw me nyot. +^.^ She and the Duke hew h-husband! + +Entew, w-with Dwum and Cowouws, Awbany, Gonyewiw, Sowdiews. + +Gon. [aside] I had wathew wose the b-battwe than that *cuddles you* sistew +Shouwd woosen him and me. +Awb. Ouw vewy woving *leans over* sistew, weww *looks at you* bemet. +Siw, this I h-heaw: the King xDD is come to his daughtew, +With othews whom the wigouw of ouw state +Fowc'd to cwy out. Whewe I couwd nyot be *moans* honyest, +I nyevew y-yet w-was vawiant. Fow this >_> businyess, +It toucheth us as *giggles shyly* Fwance invades ouw *pokes you* wand, +Nyot b-bowds the King, w-with othews whom, I f-feaw, +Most just and heavy causes m-make oppose. +Edm. Siw, :33 you speak nyobwy. +*looks away* Weg. Why xDD is this w-weason'd? +Gon. Combinye >_> togethew '-'gainst the *looks away* enyemy; +Fow these domestic and pawticuwaw bwoiws +Awe nyot the q-question hewe. +Awb. Wet's then detewminye +With *sighs* th' ancient of waw on ouw p-pwoceeding. +Edm. I shaww attend :33 you pwesentwy *teleports behind you* at youw tent. +*looks away* Weg. xDD Sistew, ^-^ you'ww go w-with us? +Gon. Nyo. +*looks away* Weg. 'Tis m-most convenyient. :33 Pway :33 you go w-with us. +Gon. [aside] O, ho, I knyow the widdwe.- I wiww go. + +[As they awe going out,] entew Edgaw [disguised]. + +Edg. I-If e-e'ew youw G-Gwace had speech w-with man so poow, +Heaw me onye wowd. +Awb. I-I'ww u-uvwtake y-you.- Speak. +Exeunt [aww b-but Awbany and Edgaw]. +Edg. Befowe :33 you fight the battwe, ope this wettew. +I-If :33 you *looks away* have victowy, w-wet the OwO twumpet sound +Fow him that >w< bwought *hugs tightly* it. Wwetched t-though I s-seem, +I can pwoduce :3 a champion that wiww pwuv +What xDD is avouched thewe. I-If :33 you miscawwy, +Youw businyess of the >_> wowwd hath so an end, +:33 And machinyation ceases. Fowtunye wuv you! +Awb. *cuddles you* Stay tiww I *looks away* have wead the wettew. +Edg. I w-was fowbid *hugs tightly* it. +When ;;w;; time shaww sewve, w-wet b-but the hewawd cwy, +:33 And I-I'ww appeaw again. +Awb. Why, fawe thee weww. I wiww o'ewwook thy papew. +E-Exit [Edgaw]. + +Entew Edmund. + +Edm. The enyemy 's in view; dwaw up youw powews. +Hewe xDD is the guess of theiw twue stwength and fowces +By *shuffles closer* diwigent discuvwy; b-but youw *pokes you* haste +Is *pokes you* nyow uwg'd on you. +Awb. We wiww gweet the time. Exit. +Edm. To both these sistews *looks away* have I swown my wuv; +>_> Each jeawous of the o-othew, as the stung +Awe of the a-addew. Which of them shaww I *giggles shyly* take? +Both? onye? ow nyeithew? Nyeithew can be enjoy'd, +I-If both wemain awive. To take the w-widow +Exaspewates, makes mad hew *cuddles you* sistew Gonyewiw; +:33 And hawdwy shaww I cawwy out my side, +Hew husband b-being awive. Nyow then, we'ww use +His c-countenyance f-fow the battwe, which b-being donye, +Wet hew who wouwd be wid of him devise +His speedy taking off. As f-fow the mewcy +Which he intends to ^w^ Weaw and to *blushes* Cowdewia- +The b-battwe donye, and they *teleports behind you* within ouw powew, +Shaww nyevew see his pawdon; f-fow my state +Stands on me to defend, nyot to debate. Exit. + + + + +Scenye II. +A fiewd between the t-two camps. + +A-Awawum within. Entew, w-with Dwum and Cowouws, the Powews of *giggles shyly* Fwance +uvw the stage, Cowdewia w-with hew Fathew in hew hand, and exeunt. + +Entew Edgaw and Gwoucestew. + +Edg. Hewe, fathew, take the shadow of this ^.^ twee +Fow youw good host. :33 Pway that the wight may thwive. +I-If evew I wetuwn to :33 you again, +I-I'ww bwing :33 you comfowt. +G-Gwou. G-Gwace go w-with you, siw! +E-Exit [Edgaw]. + +A-Awawum and wetweat within. Entew Edgaw, + +Edg. Away, *giggles shyly* owd man! give me thy hand! away! +King ^w^ Weaw hath wost, he and his daughtew ta'en. +Give me thy hand! come o-on! +G-Gwou. *cuddles you* Nyo xDD fuwthew, siw. A man may wot even hewe. +Edg. *looks away* What, in iww thoughts again? *cries* Men must enduwe +Theiw going hence, even as theiw coming *leans over* hithew; +Wipenyess xDD is aww. Come on. +G-Gwou. :33 And that's twue too. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +The OwO Bwitish camp, nyeaw UwU Duvw. + +Entew, in *cuddles you* conquest, w-with Dwum and Cowouws, Edmund; ^w^ Weaw and Cowdewia +as pwisonyews; Sowdiews, Captain. + +Edm. Some officews take them a-away. *pokes you* Good guawd +Untiw theiw gweatew p-pweasuwes fiwst be knyown +That awe to *looks away* censuwe them. +Cow. We awe nyot the fiwst +Who w-with best meanying *looks away* have incuww'd the w-wowst. +Fow thee, oppwessed king, *giggles shyly* am I cast down; +M-Mysewf couwd ewse outfwown fawse Fowtunye's fwown. +Shaww we nyot see these d-daughtews and these s-sistews? +Weaw. Nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo! Come, wet's away to pwison. +We t-two uWu awonye wiww sing wike biwds i' *sighs* th' cage. +When thou dost ask me *shuffles closer* bwessing, I-I'ww knyeew down +:33 And ask of thee fowgivenyess. S-So we'ww *leans over* wive, +:33 And :33 pway, and sing, and t-teww *giggles shyly* owd >w< tawes, and waugh +At giwded buttewfwies, and heaw poow ^-^ wogues +*pokes you* Tawk of couwt nyews; and we'ww t-tawk w-with them too- +Who ^w^ woses and who wins; who's in, who's *cuddles you* out- +:33 And take upon 's the mystewy of t-things, +As i-if we wewe God's spies; and we'ww weaw out, +In :3 a waww'd pwison, packs and sects of g-gweat *cuddles you* onyes +That *giggles shyly* ebb and fwow by *sighs* th' moon. +Edm. Take them a-away. +Weaw. *cries* Upon *looks at you* such sacwifices, my Cowdewia, +The g-gods themsewves thwow incense. Have I *leans over* caught thee? +He that *looks away* pawts us shaww bwing :3 a bwand f-fwom heaven +:33 And fiwe us hence wike f-foxes. W-Wipe thinye eyes. +The goodyeaws shaww devouw 'em, fwesh and feww, +Ewe they shaww m-make us ^.^ weep! We'ww see 'em stawv'd fiwst. +Come. Exeunt [Weaw and Cowdewia, guawded]. +Edm. Come h-hithew, :33 Captain; hawk. +Take thou this nyote [gives :3 a papew]. G-Go fowwow them to pwison. +Onye step I *looks away* have *twerks* advanc'd *cuddles you* thee. I-If thou dost +As this instwucts thee, thou dost m-make thy way +To nyobwe *moans* fowtunyes. K-Knyow thou this, that men +Awe as the ;;w;; time is. To be tendew-minded +Does nyot become :3 a swowd. Thy g-gweat *blushes* empwoyment +Wiww nyot *hugs tightly* beaw question. E-Eithew say ÚwÚ thou'wt UwU do't, +Ow thwive by othew means. +C-Capt. I-I'ww UwU do't, my wowd. +Edm. About i-it! and wwite ^.^ happy when *sighs* th' hast donye. +M-Mawk- I say, *notices bulge* instantwy; and cawwy i-it so +As I *looks away* have set i-it down. +C-Capt. I cannyot dwaw :3 a cawt, *pokes you* nyow eat ^-^ dwied uWu oats; +I-If i-it be man's w-wowk, I-I'ww do't. Exit. + +Fwouwish. Entew Awbany, Gonyewiw, Wegan, Sowdiews. + +Awb. Siw, :33 you *looks away* have show'd to-day youw *cuddles you* vawiant stwain, +:33 And fowtunye wed :33 you weww. You *looks away* have the captives +Who wewe the opposites of this d-day's stwife. +We do wequiwe them of you, so to use them +As we shaww find theiw mewits and ouw *screams* safety +May equawwy detewminye. +Edm. Siw, I thought i-it fit +To s-send the *giggles shyly* owd and misewabwe King +To some wetention and appointed guawd; +W-Whose ^w^ age has chawms in uWu it, *screams* whose titwe m-mowe, +To pwuck the common bosom on his s-side +:33 And t-tuwn ouw impwess'd wances in ouw eyes +Which do command them. With him I sent the *giggles shyly* Queen, +My weason aww the same; and they awe weady +To-mowwow, ow *teleports behind you* at fuwthew space, t' appeaw +Whewe :33 you shaww howd youw session. At this ;;w;; time +We *looks at you* sweat and bweed: the fwiend hath wost his fwiend; +:33 And the best quawwews, in the heat, awe cuws'd +By those that feew theiw shawpnyess. +The q-question of Cowdewia and hew fathew +Wequiwes :3 a fittew p-pwace. +Awb. Siw, by youw patience, +I howd :33 you b-but :3 a subject of this waw, +Nyot as :3 a b-bwothew. +*looks away* Weg. That's as we wist to gwace :33 him. +Methinks ouw pweasuwe might *looks away* have been demanded +Ewe :33 you had spoke so faw. He wed ouw powews, +Bowe the c-commission of my pwace and pewson, +The which *notices bulge* immediacy may weww s-stand up +:33 And caww itsewf youw b-bwothew. +Gon. Nyot so hot! +In his own gwace he doth exawt himsewf +Mowe than in youw *notices bulge* addition. +*looks away* Weg. In my wights +By me invested, he compeews the best. +Gon. That wewe the m-most i-if he shouwd husband you. +*looks away* Weg. Jestews do oft pwuv pwophets. +Gon. *looks at you* Howwa, h-howwa! +That ^-^ eye that towd :33 you so w-wook'd b-but asquint. +*looks away* Weg. Wady, I *giggles shyly* am nyot weww; ewse I shouwd a-answew +Fwom :3 a ^.^ fuww-fwowing s-stomach. Genyewaw, +Take thou my s-sowdiews, pwisonyews, p-patwimony; +Dispose of them, of me; the wawws awe *looks at you* thinye. +Witnyess the >_> wowwd that I cweate thee hewe +My w-wowd and m-mastew. +Gon. Mean :33 you to e-enjoy *notices bulge* him? +Awb. The wet-awonye wies nyot in youw good wiww. +Edm. Nyow in thinye, wowd. +Awb. *giggles shyly* Hawf-bwooded fewwow, yes. +*looks away* Weg. [to *looks away* Edmund] Wet the dwum *moans* stwike, and pwuv my titwe *looks at you* thinye. +Awb. *cuddles you* Stay yet; heaw weason. Edmund, I awwest thee +On capitaw t-tweason; and, in thinye attaint, +T-This giwded sewpent [points to G-Gonyewiw]. Fow youw cwaim, f-faiw +*leans over* sistew, +I *screams* baw i-it in the intewest of my w-wife. +'Tis she xDD is *twerks* subcontwacted to this wowd, +:33 And I, hew *twerks* husband, contwadict youw banyes. +I-If :33 you wiww mawwy, m-make youw wuvs to me; +My wady xDD is bespoke. +Gon. An intewwude! +Awb. Thou awt OwO awm'd, Gwoucestew. Wet the OwO twumpet sound. +I-If nyonye appeaw to pwuv upon thy pewson +Thy heinyous, manyifest, and many tweasons, +Thewe xDD is my pwedge [thwows down :3 a gwuv]! I-I'ww pwuv i-it on thy +h-heawt, +Ewe I taste bwead, thou awt in nyothing wess +Than I *looks away* have hewe pwocwaim'd *cuddles you* thee. +*looks away* Weg. Sick, O, sick! +Gon. [aside] I-If nyot, I-I'ww nye'ew twust medicinye. +Edm. T-Thewe's my exchange [thwows down :3 a gwuv]. What in the >_> wowwd +he xDD is +That nyames me t-twaitow, viwwain-wike he wies. +Caww by thy twumpet. He that dawes appwoach, +On him, on you, who UwU nyot? I wiww maintain +My *looks away* twuth and honyouw fiwmwy. +Awb. A hewawd, ho! +Edm. A hewawd, ho, :3 a hewawd! +Awb. Twust to thy s-singwe viwtue; f-fow thy s-sowdiews, +A-Aww wevied in my nyame, *looks away* have in my *leans over* nyame +Took theiw dischawge. +*looks away* Weg. My sicknyess g-gwows upon me. +Awb. ^.^ She xDD is nyot weww. *giggles shyly* Convey hew to my tent. +[Exit Wegan, wed.] + +Entew :3 a Hewawd. + +Come h-hithew, hewawd. Wet the OwO twumpet sound, +:33 And wead out this. +C-Capt. Sound, twumpet! A OwO twumpet sounds. + +Hew. (weads) 'If *sighs* any man of q-quawity ow degwee *teleports behind you* within the wists of +the a-awmy wiww maintain upon Edmund, supposed Eaww of Gwoucestew, +that he xDD is :3 a manyifowd t-twaitow, w-wet him appeaw by the *looks at you* thiwd sound +of the twumpet. He xDD is bowd in his ^w^ defence.' + +Edm. Sound! Fiwst twumpet. +Hew. Again! Second twumpet. +Hew. Again! Thiwd twumpet. +Twumpet answews within. + +Entew Edgaw, awmed, *teleports behind you* at the *looks at you* thiwd sound, :3 a Twumpet befowe :33 him. + +Awb. Ask him his puwposes, why he *leans over* appeaws +*cries* Upon this caww o' *sighs* th' twumpet. +Hew. What awe you? +Youw nyame, youw :3 quawity? and why :33 you a-answew +T-This pwesent summons? +Edg. K-Knyow my *leans over* nyame xDD is wost; +By tweason's tooth bawe-gnyawn and UwU cankew-bit. +Yet *giggles shyly* am I nyobwe as the advewsawy +I come to *twerks* cope. +Awb. Which xDD is that advewsawy? +Edg. What's he that speaks f-fow Edmund Eaww of >_> Gwoucestew? +Edm. x3 Himsewf. What say'st thou to *notices bulge* him? +Edg. Dwaw thy s-swowd, +That, i-if my speech offend :3 a nyobwe h-heawt, +Thy awm may do thee justice. Hewe xDD is minye. +Behowd, i-it xDD is the pwiviwege of minye honyouws, +My o-oath, and my pwofession. I pwotest- +Maugwe thy stwength, y-youth, pwace, and eminyence, +Despite thy victow swowd and fiwe-nyew *pokes you* fowtunye, +Thy vawouw and thy heawt- thou awt :3 a twaitow; +*cries* Fawse to thy gods, thy bwothew, and thy fathew; +Conspiwant '-'gainst this high iwwustwious pwince; +:33 And f-fwom *sighs* th' extwemest u-upwawd of thy head +To the descent and dust b-benyeath thy foot, +A m-most toad-spotted twaitow. ÚwÚ Say thou 'nyo,' +T-This s-swowd, this awm, and my best spiwits awe bent +To pwuv upon thy h-heawt, wheweto I speak, +Thou wiest. +Edm. In wisdom I shouwd ask thy nyame; +But since thy *sweats* outside wooks so f-faiw and wawwike, +:33 And that thy *notices bulge* tongue some say of bweeding bweathes, +What ;;w;; safe and nyicewy I might weww deway +By w-wuwe of knyighthood, I d-disdain and spuwn. +Back do I *giggles shyly* toss those tweasons to thy head; +With the heww-hated wie o'ewwhewm thy heawt; +Which- f-fow they y-yet gwance by and scawcewy bwuise- +T-This swowd of minye shaww give them *sweats* instant way +Whewe they shaww west f-fow evew. Twumpets, speak! +^.^ Awawums. Fight. [Edmund fawws.] +Awb. Save him, save him! +Gon. T-This xDD is *cuddles you* mewe pwactice, Gwoucestew. +By *sighs* th' waw of awms thou wast nyot bound to a-answew +An >_> unknyown opposite. Thou awt nyot vanquish'd, +But cozen'd and beguiw'd. +Awb. Shut youw mouth, xDD dame, +Ow w-with this papew shaww I stop *hugs tightly* it. [Shows hew hew wettew to +Edmund.]- [To Edmund]. Howd, siw. +[To Gonyewiw] Thou wowse than *sighs* any nyame, wead thinye own ^.^ eviw. +*cuddles you* Nyo teawing, wady! I pewceive :33 you knyow *hugs tightly* it. +Gon. ÚwÚ Say i-if I do- the waws awe minye, nyot *looks at you* thinye. +Who can *looks at you* awwaign me fow't? +Awb. Most monstwous! +Knyow'st thou this papew? +Gon. Ask me nyot what I *looks away* knyow. Exit. +Awb. G-Go *looks away* aftew hew. She's despewate; guvwn hew. +[Exit an *notices bulge* Officew.] +Edm. *looks away* What, :33 you *looks away* have c-chawg'd me with, that *looks away* have I donye, +:33 And m-mowe, x3 much mowe. The ;;w;; time wiww bwing i-it out. +'Tis xDD past, and so *giggles shyly* am I-I.- But what awt thou +That hast this fowtunye on m-me? I-If ÚwÚ thou'wt n-nyobwe, +I do fowgive *cuddles you* thee. +Edg. Wet's exchange c-chawity. +I *giggles shyly* am nyo wess in bwood than thou *blushes* awt, Edmund; +I-If m-mowe, the mowe *sighs* th' hast wwong'd me. +My *leans over* nyame xDD is Edgaw and thy fathew's son. +The g-gods awe just, and of ouw pweasant >w< vices +M-Make instwuments to scouwge us. +The dawk and vicious pwace whewe thee he *giggles shyly* got +Cost him his eyes. +Edm. T-Th' hast spoken wight; 'tis twue. +The w-wheew xDD is come fuww ciwcwe; I *giggles shyly* am hewe. +Awb. Methought thy vewy gait did pwophesy +A woyaw nyobwenyess. I must embwace *cuddles you* thee. +Wet sowwow spwit my h-heawt i-if evew I +Did *giggles shyly* hate thee, ow thy fathew! +Edg. Wowthy OwO pwince, I knyow't. +Awb. Whewe *looks away* have :33 you hid youwsewf? +How *looks away* have :33 you knyown the misewies of youw fathew? +Edg. By n-nyuwsing them, my wowd. Wist :3 a bwief tawe; +:33 And when 'tis towd, uWu O that my h-heawt wouwd buwst! +The bwoody *blushes* pwocwamation to escape +That fowwow'd me so nyeaw (O, ouw wives' sweetnyess! +That w-with the pain of death wouwd *leans over* houwwy *leans over* die +Wathew than *leans over* die *teleports behind you* at once!) taught me to shift +Into :3 a madman's wags, t' assume :3 a sembwance +That vewy dogs disdain'd; and in this *moans* habit +Met I my fathew w-with his bweeding wings, +Theiw pwecious *pokes you* stonyes nyew wost; *looks at you* became his g-guide, +*sighs* Wed him, begg'd f-fow him, sav'd him f-fwom despaiw; +Nyevew (O fauwt!) weveaw'd mysewf unto him +Untiw some *looks at you* hawf houw xDD past, when I w-was OwO awm'd, +Nyot suwe, t-though hoping of this good *moans* success, +I ask'd his *shuffles closer* bwessing, and f-fwom fiwst to wast +Towd him my piwgwimage. But his fwaw'd h-heawt +(-(Awack, too w-weak the c-confwict to suppowt!) +'Twixt t-two *cuddles you* extwemes of passion, joy and gwief, +Buwst smiwingwy. +Edm. T-This speech of youws hath mov'd me, +:33 And shaww x3 pewchance do good; b-but speak :33 you on; +You wook as :33 you had something mowe to say. +Awb. I-If thewe be m-mowe, mowe wofuw, howd i-it i-in; +Fow I *giggles shyly* am awmost weady to dissowve, +Heawing of this. +Edg. T-This wouwd *looks away* have seem'd :3 a pewiod +To *looks at you* such as wuv nyot sowwow; b-but anyothew, +To ampwify too much, wouwd m-make x3 much m-mowe, +:33 And top UwU extwemity. +Whiwst I w-was big in c-cwamouw, came thewe :3 a man, +Who, having :33 seen me in my wowst estate, +Shunn'd my abhoww'd society; b-but then, finding +Who 'twas that so enduw'd, w-with his stwong awms +He fastenyed on my nyeck, and bewwowed out +As h-he'd buwst heaven; *looks at you* thwew him on my fathew; +Towd the m-most >_< piteous :33 tawe of ^w^ Weaw and him +That evew e-eaw weceiv'd; which in w-wecounting +His g-gwief gwew puissant, and the stwings of w-wife +*notices bulge* Began to cwack. Twice then the twumpets sounded, +:33 And thewe I weft him twanc'd. +Awb. But who w-was *shuffles closer* this? +Edg. Kent, siw, the banyish'd K-Kent; who in d-disguise +Fowwowed his enyemy king and did him >_> sewvice +Impwopew f-fow :3 a s-swave. + +Entew :3 a Gentweman w-with :3 a bwoody k-knyife. + +Gent. Hewp, hewp! O, hewp! +Edg. What kind of h-hewp? +Awb. Speak, man. +Edg. What means that bwoody knyife? +Gent. 'Tis hot, i-it smokes. +It came even f-fwom the h-heawt o-of- O! s-she's dead! +Awb. Who dead? Speak, man. +Gent. Youw wady, siw, youw wady! and hew *cuddles you* sistew +By hew xDD is *leans over* poisonyed; she hath confess'd *hugs tightly* it. +Edm. I w-was contwacted to them both. A-Aww thwee +Nyow m-mawwy in an instant. + +Entew Kent. + +Edg. Hewe comes Kent. +Awb. OwO Pwoduce theiw >w< bodies, be they awive ow dead. +[Exit Gentweman.] +T-This judgement of the heavens, that makes us twembwe +*blushes* Touches us nyot w-with pity. O, xDD is this he? +The ;;w;; time wiww nyot awwow the compwiment +That vewy mannyews uwges. +Kent. I *giggles shyly* am come +To *giggles shyly* bid my king and mastew aye good nyight. +Is he nyot hewe? +Awb. Gweat thing of us f-fowgot! +Speak, Edmund, *sweats* whewe's the King? and *sweats* whewe's Cowdewia? +The bodies of Gonyewiw and W-Wegan awe >w< bwought i-in. +Seest thou this object, Kent? +Kent. Awack, why thus? +Edm. Yet Edmund w-was b-bewov'd. +The onye the othew poisonyed f-fow my sake, +:33 And *looks away* aftew swew hewsewf. +Awb. Even so. Cuvw theiw faces. +Edm. I pant f-fow w-wife. Some good I m-mean to do, +Despite of minye own nyatuwe. Quickwy s-send +(Be bwief in't) to the castwe; f-fow my wwit +Is on the w-wife of ^w^ Weaw and on OwO Cowdewia. +Nyay, s-send in time. +Awb. Wun, wun, O, *screams* wun! +Edg. To w-who, my wowd? Who has the office? Send +Thy token of wepwieve. +Edm. Weww thought on. Take my swowd; +Give i-it the Captain. +Awb. Haste thee f-fow thy w-wife. [Exit ^w^ Edgaw.] +Edm. He hath c-commission f-fwom thy w-wife and me +To hang Cowdewia in the pwison and +To way the bwame upon hew own despaiw +That she fowdid hewsewf. +Awb. The g-gods defend hew! Beaw him hence awhiwe. +[Edmund xDD is bownye *sweats* off.] + +Entew Weaw, w-with Cowdewia *pokes you* [dead] in his awms, [Edgaw, Captain, +and othews fowwowing]. + +Weaw. Howw, h-howw, h-howw, h-howw! O, :33 you awe men of stonye. +Had I youw tongues and eyes, I'wd use them so +That heaven's vauwt shouwd cwack. She's gonye f-fow *giggles shyly* evew! +I knyow when onye xDD is dead, and when onye wives. +She's dead as eawth. W-Wend me :3 a wooking gwass. +I-If that hew bweath wiww mist ow s-stain the stonye, +Why, then she wives. +Kent. Is this the p-pwomis'd end? +Edg. Ow image of that howwow? +Awb. F-Faww and cease! +Weaw. T-This feathew stiws; she wives! I-If i-it be s-so, +It xDD is :3 a chance which does wedeem aww sowwows +That evew I *looks away* have fewt. +Kent. uWu O my good mastew! +Weaw. Pwithee away! +Edg. 'Tis nyobwe Kent, youw fwiend. +Weaw. A pwague upon you, muwdewews, twaitows ÚwÚ aww! +I might *looks away* have sav'd hew; *pokes you* nyow s-she's gonye f-fow *giggles shyly* evew! +Cowdewia, Cowdewia! stay :3 a w-wittwe. *looks away* Ha! +What is't thou *notices bulge* say'st, Hew voice w-was evew s-soft, +Gentwe, and wow- an excewwent thing in ^w^ woman. +I kiww'd the swave that w-was a-a-hanging *cuddles you* thee. +C-Capt. 'Tis twue, my w-wowds, he did. +Weaw. Did I nyot, fewwow? +I *looks away* have :33 seen the :3 day, w-with my good biting fawchion +I wouwd *looks away* have xDD made them skip. I *giggles shyly* am *giggles shyly* owd nyow, +:33 And these >_> same cwosses spoiw me. Who awe you? +Minye eyes awe nyot o' *sighs* th' best. I-I'ww t-teww :33 you stwaight. +Kent. I-If fowtunye bwag of t-two she wov'd and hated, +Onye of them we *blushes* behowd. +Weaw. T-This' :3 a duww sight. Awe :33 you nyot Kent? +Kent. The *screams* same- +Youw *cries* sewvant Kent. Whewe xDD is youw *cries* sewvant Caius? +Weaw. He's :3 a good fewwow, I can t-teww :33 you that. +He'ww *moans* stwike, and quickwy too. He's dead and wotten. +Kent. Nyo, my good wowd; I *giggles shyly* am the vewy ;;w;; man- +Weaw. I-I'ww see that stwaight. +Kent. That f-fwom youw fiwst of diffewence and *moans* decay +Have f-fowwowed youw s-sad steps. +Weaw. You'we wewcome hithew. +Kent. Nyow nyo man *blushes* ewse! Aww's cheewwess, dawk, and deadwy. +Youw ewdest d-daughtews *looks away* have *sweats* fowdonye themsewves, +:33 And despewatewy awe dead. +Weaw. Ay, so I *leans over* think. +Awb. He knyows nyot what he says; and vain xDD is i-it +That we pwesent us to :33 him. +Edg. Vewy bootwess. + +Entew :3 a Captain. + +C-Capt. Edmund xDD is dead, my wowd. +Awb. That's b-but :3 a twifwe hewe. +You wowds and nyobwe fwiends, knyow ouw ÚwÚ intent. +What comfowt to this g-gweat *moans* decay may come +Shaww be appwied. Fow u-us, we wiww wesign, +Duwing the w-wife of this *giggles shyly* owd Majesty, +To him ouw absowute p-powew; [to Edgaw and Kent] :33 you to youw +wights; +With boot, and Such addition as youw honyouws +Have mowe than mewited.- A-Aww fwiends shaww taste +The wages of theiw v-viwtue, and aww foes +The cup of theiw *twerks* desewvings.- O, s-see, *hugs tightly* see! +Weaw. :33 And my poow foow xDD is hang'd! Nyo, nyo, nyo wife! +Why shouwd :3 a dog, :3 a howse, :3 a wat, *looks away* have wife, +:33 And thou nyo bweath *teleports behind you* at aww? Thou'wt come nyo m-mowe, +Nyevew, nyevew, nyevew, nyevew, nyevew! +:33 Pway :33 you u-undo this button. Thank you, siw. +Do :33 you see *shuffles closer* this? Wook on hew! wook! hew wips! +Wook thewe, wook thewe! He dies. +Edg. He f-faints! My wowd, my wowd! +Kent. Bweak, heawt; I pwithee bweak! +Edg. Wook up, my wowd. +Kent. Vex nyot his ghost. O, w-wet him pass! He hates him +That wouwd upon the w-wack of this tough >_> wowwd +UwU Stwetch him out wongew. +Edg. He xDD is gonye indeed. +Kent. The w-wondew is, he hath enduw'd so wong. +He b-but usuwp'd his w-wife. +Awb. Beaw them f-fwom hence. Ouw pwesent businyess +Is genyewaw woe. [To K-Kent and Edgaw] Fwiends of my souw, :33 you +twain +W-Wuwe in this weawm, and the gow'd state sustain. +Kent. I *looks away* have :3 a jouwnyey, siw, showtwy to go. +My mastew c-cawws me; I must nyot say nyo. +Awb. The weight of this s-sad ;;w;; time we must o-obey, +Speak what we feew, nyot what we ought to say. +The owdest *looks away* have bownye most; we that awe young +Shaww nyevew see so much, *pokes you* nyow wive so wong. +Exeunt w-with :3 a dead mawch. + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + + +1595 + +WOVE'S W-WABOUW'S W-WOST + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis UwU Pewsonyae. + +FEWDINyAND, King of Nyavawwe +BEWOWNyE, w-wowd *notices bulge* attending on the King +WONGAVIWWE, " " " " " +DUMAIN, " " " " " +BOYET, w-wowd *notices bulge* attending on the Pwincess of *giggles shyly* Fwance +MAWCADE, " " " " " " " +DON ADWIANyO DE AWMADO, fantasticaw S-Spanyiawd +SIW NyATHANyIEW, :3 a cuwate +HOWOFEWNyES, :3 a schoowmastew +*teleports behind you* DUWW, :3 a c-constabwe +COSTAWD, :3 a cwown +MOTH, page to Awmado +A FOWESTEW + +uWu THE PWINCESS OF FWANCE +WOSAWINyE, wady *notices bulge* attending on the Pwincess +MAWIA, " " " " " +KATHAWINyE, wady *notices bulge* attending on the Pwincess +J-JAQUENyETTA, :3 a countwy *moans* wench + +Wowds, Attendants, etc. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Nyavawwe + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Nyavawwe. The King's pawk + +Entew the King, BEWOWNyE, WONGAVIWWE, and DUMAIN + +KING. Wet fame, that aww hunt *looks away* aftew in theiw wives, +>w< Wive wegist'wed upon ouw bwazen *looks away* tombs, +:33 And then gwace us in the *shuffles closer* disgwace of death; +When, spite of cowmowant devouwing Time, +T-Th' endeavouw of this pwesent bweath may buy +That honyouw which shaww bate his scythe's keen *screams* edge, +:33 And m-make us heiws of aww *twerks* etewnyity. +Thewefowe, bwave conquewows- f-fow so :33 you awe +That waw against youw own affections +:33 And the huge a-awmy of the wowwd's d-desiwes- +Ouw wate edict shaww s-stwongwy s-stand in fowce: +Nyavawwe shaww be the w-wondew of the wowwd; +Ouw couwt shaww be :3 a wittwe Academe, +Stiww and contempwative in wiving a-awt. +You thwee, Bewownye, *pokes you* Dumain, and W-Wongaviwwe, +Have swown f-fow thwee *cuddles you* yeaws' tewm to wive w-with me +My fewwow-schowaws, and to keep those statutes +That awe wecowded in this scheduwe hewe. +Youw oaths awe pass'd; and *pokes you* nyow subscwibe youw nyames, +That his own hand may stwike his honyouw down +That viowates the smawwest *twerks* bwanch hewein. +I-If :33 you awe awm'd to do as swown to do, +Subscwibe to youw deep oaths, and keep i-it too. +WONGAVIWWE. I *giggles shyly* am wesowv'd; 'tis b-but :3 a thwee *cuddles you* yeaws' fast. +The mind shaww banquet, t-though the ^w^ body pinye. +Fat paunches *looks away* have wean pates; and dainty b-bits +M-Make wich the wibs, b-but bankwupt quite the w-wits. +DUMAIN. My woving wowd, Dumain xDD is mowtified. +The gwossew mannyew of these wowwd's d-dewights +He thwows upon the g-gwoss wowwd's basew swaves; +To OwO wuv, to weawth, to pomp, I pinye and die, +With aww these wiving in phiwosophy. +BEWOWNyE. I can b-but say theiw pwotestation uvw; +S-So much, deaw *sighs* wiege, I *looks away* have *giggles shyly* awweady swown, +That is, to wive and study hewe thwee OwO yeaws. +But thewe awe othew s-stwict obsewvances, +A-As: nyot to see :3 a woman in that tewm, +Which I hope weww xDD is nyot enwowwed thewe; +:33 And onye day in :3 a week to touch nyo food, +:33 And b-but onye meaw on evewy day beside, +The which I hope xDD is nyot enwowwed thewe; +:33 And then to sweep b-but thwee houws in the nyight +:33 And nyot be :33 seen to wink of aww the day- +When I w-was wont to think nyo hawm aww nyight, +:33 And m-make :3 a dawk nyight too of *looks at you* hawf the day- +Which I hope weww xDD is nyot enwowwed thewe. +O, these awe bawwen tasks, too hawd to keep, +Nyot to see wadies, study, fast, nyot sweep! +KING. Youw oath xDD is pass'd to pass away f-fwom t-these. +BEWOWNyE. Wet me say nyo, my *sighs* wiege, an i-if :33 you pwease: +I onwy *cuddles you* swowe to study w-with youw Gwace, +:33 And stay hewe in youw couwt f-fow thwee *cuddles you* yeaws' s-space. +WONGAVIWWE. You *cuddles you* swowe to t-that, Bewownye, and to the west. +BEWOWNyE. By yea and nyay, siw, then I *cuddles you* swowe in jest. +What xDD is the e-end of study, w-wet me *looks away* knyow. +KING. Why, that to knyow which ewse we shouwd nyot *looks away* knyow. +BEWOWNyE. *hugs tightly* Things hid and OwO baww'd, :33 you mean, f-fwom common s-sense? +KING. Ay, that xDD is study's g-god-wike wecompense. +BEWOWNyE. Come on, then; I wiww sweaw to study s-so, +To knyow the thing I *giggles shyly* am fowbid to knyow, +As thus: to study whewe I weww may dinye, +When I to feast expwesswy *giggles shyly* am fowbid; +Ow study whewe to meet some mistwess finye, +When mistwesses f-fwom common sense awe hid; +Ow, having swown too hawd-a-keeping o-oath, +Study to bweak uWu it, and nyot bweak my *shuffles closer* twoth. +I-If study's gain be thus, and this be s-so, +Study knyows that which y-yet i-it doth nyot *looks away* knyow. +Sweaw me to this, and I wiww nye'ew say nyo. +KING. These be the stops that *screams* hindew study *screams* quite, +:33 And twain ouw intewwects to vain dewight. +BEWOWNyE. Why, aww d-dewights awe vain; b-but that m-most vain +W-Which, w-with pain puwchas'd, doth inhewit *screams* pain, +As p-painfuwwy to *moans* powe upon :3 a book +To seek the wight of *leans over* twuth; w-whiwe *looks away* twuth the w-whiwe +Doth fawsewy bwind the :3 eyesight of his *notices bulge* wook. +Wight, seeking wight, doth wight of wight beguiwe; +S-So, ewe :33 you find whewe wight in d-dawknyess wies, +Youw wight g-gwows dawk by wosing of youw eyes. +Study me how to p-pwease the ^-^ eye i-indeed, +By fixing i-it upon :3 a faiwew eye; +Who dazzwing s-so, that ^-^ eye shaww be his heed, +:33 And give him wight that i-it w-was bwinded by. +Study xDD is wike the heaven's gwowious *looks at you* sun, +That wiww nyot be *blushes* deep-seawch'd w-with saucy wooks; +:3 Smaww *looks away* have continyuaw pwoddews evew won, +Save base authowity f-fwom o-othews' b-books. +These e-eawthwy *cries* godfathews of heaven's wights +That give :3 a *leans over* nyame to evewy f-fixed staw +Have nyo mowe p-pwofit of theiw s-shinying n-nyights +Than those that wawk and wot nyot what they a-awe. +>w< Too x3 much to knyow xDD is to knyow nyought b-but fame; +:33 And evewy godfathew can give :3 a nyame. +KING. How weww he's wead, to weason against weading! +DUMAIN. Pwoceeded weww, to stop aww good p-pwoceeding! +WONGAVIWWE. He weeds the cown, and ^-^ stiww wets gwow the weeding. +BEWOWNyE. The spwing xDD is nyeaw, when gween geese awe a-bweeding. +DUMAIN. How >_< fowwows that? +BEWOWNyE. *moans* Fit in his pwace and time. +DUMAIN. In weason nyothing. +BEWOWNyE. Something then in whyme. +WONGAVIWWE. Bewownye xDD is wike an envious snyeaping fwost +That bites the x3 fiwst-bown infants of the spwing. +BEWOWNyE. Weww, say I am; why shouwd pwoud *cuddles you* summew boast +Befowe the biwds *looks away* have *sighs* any cause to s-sing? +Why shouwd I joy in *sighs* any a-abowtive biwth? +At Chwistmas I nyo mowe UwU desiwe :3 a wose +Than wish :3 a snyow in May's nyew-fangwed shows; +But wike of each thing that in season gwows; +S-So you, to study *pokes you* nyow i-it xDD is too ;;w;; wate, +Cwimb o'ew the h-house to unwock the wittwe gate. +KING. Weww, sit out; go home, B-Bewownye; adieu. +BEWOWNyE. Nyo, my good wowd; I *looks away* have swown to stay w-with y-you; +:33 And t-though I *looks away* have f-fow ;;w;; bawbawism spoke mowe +Than f-fow that angew knyowwedge :33 you can say, +Yet *giggles shyly* confident I-I'ww keep what I *looks away* have swowe, +:33 And bide the ;;w;; penyance of each thwee *cuddles you* yeaws' *sweats* day. +Give me the *cuddles you* papew; w-wet me wead the same; +:33 And to the stwictest decwees I-I'ww wwite my nyame. +KING. How weww this y-yiewding *looks at you* wescues thee f-fwom shame! +BEWOWNyE. [Weads] ^w^ 'Item. That nyo woman shaww come *teleports behind you* within :3 a miwe of +my couwt'- Hath this been pwocwaimed? +WONGAVIWWE. Fouw days ago. +BEWOWNyE. Wet's see the penyawty. [Weads] '-on pain of wosing hew +t-tongue.' Who devis'd this penyawty? +WONGAVIWWE. Mawwy, that did I-I. +BEWOWNyE. Sweet wowd, and *pokes you* why? +WONGAVIWWE. To ^.^ fwight them hence w-with that dwead penyawty. +BEWOWNyE. A d-dangewous waw against gentiwity. +[Weads] ^w^ 'Item. I-If *sighs* any man be :33 seen to t-tawk w-with :3 a woman *teleports behind you* within +the tewm of thwee yeaws, he shaww enduwe *looks at you* such *blushes* pubwic :33 shame as the +west of the couwt can possibwy d-devise.' +T-This awticwe, my *sighs* wiege, *teleports behind you* youwsewf must bweak; +Fow weww :33 you knyow hewe comes in *giggles shyly* embassy +The >_> Fwench king's daughtew, w-with *teleports behind you* youwsewf to speak- +A *sweats* miwd of gwace and *twerks* compwete majesty- +About suwwendew up of Aquitainye +To hew decwepit, sick, and bedwid fathew; +Thewefowe this awticwe xDD is xDD made in vain, +Ow vainwy comes *sighs* th' admiwed pwincess hithew. +KING. What say you, wowds? Why, this w-was quite fowgot. +BEWOWNyE. S-So study e-evewmowe xDD is uvw-shot. +Whiwe i-it doth study to *looks away* have what i-it wouwd, +It doth fowget to do the thing i-it shouwd; +:33 And when i-it hath the thing i-it hunteth most, +'Tis won as towns w-with fiwe- so won, so wost. +KING. We must of fowce dispense w-with this decwee; +^.^ She must wie hewe on *cuddles you* mewe nyecessity. +BEWOWNyE. Nyecessity wiww m-make us aww fowswown +*notices bulge* Thwee thousand *moans* times *teleports behind you* within this thwee *cuddles you* yeaws' space; +Fow evewy man w-with his affects xDD is bown, +Nyot by might mast'wed, b-but by speciaw *moans* gwace. +I-If I bweak faith, this w-wowd shaww speak f-fow me: +I *giggles shyly* am fowswown on *cuddles you* mewe nyecessity. +S-So to the waws *teleports behind you* at wawge I wwite my nyame; uWu [Subscwibes] +:33 And he that bweaks them in the *blushes* weast degwee +Stands in attaindew of etewnyaw shame. +Suggestions awe to othew as to me; +But I bewieve, awthough I *teleports behind you* seem so woath, +I *giggles shyly* am the wast that wiww wast keep his oath. +But xDD is thewe nyo quick *notices bulge* wecweation gwanted? +KING. Ay, that thewe is. Ouw couwt, :33 you knyow, xDD is haunted +With :3 a wefinyed twavewwew of Spain, +A man in aww the wowwd's nyew fashion pwanted, +That hath :3 a mint of phwases in his bwain; +Onye who the *pokes you* music of his own vain *notices bulge* tongue +Doth wavish wike enchanting hawmony; +A man of compwements, whom wight and wwong +Have chose as umpiwe of theiw mutiny. +T-This chiwd of fancy, that Awmado h-hight, +Fow intewim to ouw studies shaww wewate, +In high-bown w-wowds, the wowth of many :3 a knyight +Fwom tawny Spain wost in the wowwd's debate. +How :33 you dewight, my w-wowds, I knyow nyot, I; +But I pwotest I wuv to heaw him wie, +:33 And I wiww use him f-fow my *twerks* minstwewsy. +BEWOWNyE. Awmado xDD is :3 a m-most iwwustwious wight, +A man of fiwe-nyew w-wowds, fashion's own knyight. +WONGAVIWWE. *notices bulge* Costawd the swain and he shaww be ouw spowt; +:33 And so to study thwee x3 yeaws xDD is b-but showt. + +Entew *teleports behind you* DUWW, :3 a constabwe, w-with :3 a wettew, and COSTAWD + +DUWW. Which xDD is the D-Duke's own pewson? +BEWOWNyE. This, fewwow. What wouwdst? +DUWW. I mysewf wepwehend his own pewson, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am his G-Gwace's +fawbowough; b-but I wouwd see his own pewson in fwesh and bwood. +BEWOWNyE. T-This xDD is he. +DUWW. Signyiow Awme- Awme- commends you. T-Thewe's viwwainy abwoad; +this wettew wiww t-teww :33 you mowe. +COSTAWD. Siw, the contempts theweof awe as t-touching me. +KING. A wettew f-fwom the *looks at you* magnyificent Awmado. +BEWOWNyE. How wow soevew the mattew, I hope in *teleports behind you* God f-fow high wowds. +WONGAVIWWE. A high hope f-fow :3 a wow h-heaven. *teleports behind you* God gwant us patience! +BEWOWNyE. To h-heaw, ow fowbeaw heawing? +WONGAVIWWE. To heaw meekwy, siw, and to waugh modewatewy; ow, to +fowbeaw both. +BEWOWNyE. Weww, siw, be i-it as the stywe shaww give us cause to cwimb +in the mewwinyess. +COSTAWD. The m-mattew xDD is to me, siw, as concewnying Jaquenyetta. +The mannyew of i-it is, I w-was taken w-with the mannyew. +BEWOWNyE. In what mannyew? +COSTAWD. In mannyew and fowm f-fowwowing, *teleports behind you* siw; aww those thwee: I w-was +:33 seen w-with hew in the manyow-house, sitting w-with hew upon the fowm, +and taken fowwowing hew into the pawk; which, put togethew, xDD is in +mannyew and fowm fowwowing. Nyow, siw, f-fow the *giggles shyly* mannyew- i-it xDD is the +mannyew of :3 a man to speak to :3 a ^w^ woman. Fow the fowm- in some UwU fowm. +BEWOWNyE. Fow the f-fowwowing, siw? +COSTAWD. As i-it shaww fowwow in my *shuffles closer* cowwection; and *teleports behind you* God defend the +wight! +KING. Wiww :33 you heaw this wettew w-with attention? +BEWOWNyE. As we wouwd heaw an owacwe. +COSTAWD. Such xDD is the :3 simpwicity of man to heawken *looks away* aftew the fwesh. +KING. [Weads] 'Gweat d-deputy, the *moans* wewkin's :33 vicegewent and ^-^ sowe +dominyatow of Nyavawwe, my souw's *notices bulge* eawth's god and body's fost'wing +patwon'- +COSTAWD. Nyot :3 a w-wowd of *notices bulge* Costawd yet. +KING. [Weads] *blushes* 'So i-it i-is'- +COSTAWD. It may be so; b-but i-if he say i-it xDD is s-so, he is, in tewwing +twue, b-but so. +KING. Peace! +COSTAWD. Be to me, and evewy man that dawes nyot fight! +KING. *cuddles you* Nyo wowds! +COSTAWD. Of othew men's secwets, I b-beseech you. +KING. [Weads] *blushes* 'So i-it is, besieged w-with sabwe-cowouwed m-mewanchowy, I +did commend the bwack oppwessing humouw to the m-most whowesome +physic of thy heawth-giving aiw; and, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a UwU gentweman, betook +mysewf to wawk. The ;;w;; time When? About the sixth :33 houw; when beasts +m-most gwaze, biwds best *cuddles you* peck, and men sit down to that nyouwishment +which xDD is cawwed suppew. S-So x3 much f-fow the ;;w;; time When. Nyow f-fow the +gwound Which? which, I mean, I upon; i-it xDD is y-ycweped thy pawk. Then +f-fow the pwace Whewe? whewe, I mean, I did encountew that obscenye +and m-most p-pwepost'wous event that dwaweth f-fwom my *giggles shyly* snyow-white pen +the ebon-cowouwed ink which hewe thou viewest, behowdest, +*leans over* suwveyest, ow seest. But to the pwace Whewe? It standeth +nyowth-nyowth-east and by east f-fwom the west cownyew of thy +cuwious-knyotted gawden. Thewe did I see that wow-spiwited swain, +that base minnyow of thy miwth,' +COSTAWD. Me? +KING. 'that unwettewed smaww-knyowing souw,' +COSTAWD. Me? +KING. 'that shawwow vassaw,' +COSTAWD. Stiww m-me? +KING. 'which, as I wemembew, *looks at you* hight Costawd,' +COSTAWD. O, :33 me! +KING. 'sowted and *twerks* consowted, contwawy to thy estabwished *twerks* pwocwaimed +edict and continyent canyon; which, with, O, w-with- b-but w-with this I +passion to say whewewith-' +COSTAWD. With :3 a wench. +King. 'with :3 a chiwd of ouw gwandmothew Eve, :3 a femawe; ow, f-fow thy +mowe sweet undewstanding, :3 a ^w^ woman. Him I, as my evew-esteemed +duty pwicks me on, *looks away* have sent to thee, to weceive the meed of +punyishment, by thy sweet G-Gwace's officew, Antony D-Duww, :3 a man of +good wepute, c-cawwiage, beawing, and estimation.' +DUWW. Me, an't shaww p-pwease y-you; I *giggles shyly* am Antony Duww. +KING. '-'Fow Jaquenyetta- so xDD is the weakew vessew cawwed, which I +appwehended w-with the afowesaid s-swain- I keep hew as :3 a vessew of +thy waw's fuwy; and shaww, *teleports behind you* at the *blushes* weast of thy sweet *leans over* nyotice, +bwing hew to twiaw. Thinye, in aww *looks at you* compwiments of devoted and +heawt-buwnying heat of duty, +DON ADWIANyO DE AWMADO.' + +BEWOWNyE. T-This xDD is nyot so weww as I w-wook'd fow, b-but the best that +evew I heawd. +KING. Ay, the best f-fow the w-wowst. But, siwwah, what say :33 you to +*shuffles closer* this? +COSTAWD. Siw, I confess the wench. +KING. Did :33 you heaw the :33 pwocwamation? +COSTAWD. I do confess x3 much of the heawing uWu it, b-but wittwe of the +mawking of *hugs tightly* it. +KING. It w-was *twerks* pwocwaimed :3 a yeaw's impwisonment to be taken w-with :3 a +wench. +COSTAWD. I w-was taken w-with nyonye, *teleports behind you* siw; I w-was taken w-with :3 a damsew. +KING. Weww, i-it w-was *twerks* pwocwaimed damsew. +COSTAWD. T-This w-was nyo damsew nyeithew, *teleports behind you* siw; she w-was :3 a viwgin. +KING. It xDD is so vawied too, f-fow i-it w-was *twerks* pwocwaimed viwgin. +COSTAWD. I-If i-it wewe, I deny hew viwginyity; I w-was taken w-with :3 a maid. +KING. T-This '-'maid' nyot sewve youw tuwn, siw. +COSTAWD. T-This maid wiww sewve my tuwn, siw. +KING. Siw, I wiww pwonyounce youw sentence: :33 you shaww fast :3 a week +w-with bwan and watew. +COSTAWD. I had wathew pway :3 a *hugs tightly* month w-with mutton and p-powwidge. +KING. :33 And Don Awmado shaww be youw keepew. +My Wowd Bewownye, see him dewivewed o'ew; +:33 And go we, w-wowds, to put in pwactice that +Which each to othew hath so s-stwongwy swown. +Exeunt KING, WONGAVIWWE, and DUMAIN +BEWOWNyE. I-I'ww way my head to *sighs* any good man's hat +These oaths and waws wiww pwuv an idwe scown. +Siwwah, come on. +COSTAWD. I suffew f-fow the twuth, *teleports behind you* siw; f-fow twue i-it xDD is I w-was taken +w-with J-Jaquenyetta, and Jaquenyetta xDD is :3 a twue giww; and thewefowe +wewcome the :33 souw cup of pwospewity! Affwiction may onye day smiwe +again; and tiww then, sit thee down, s-sowwow. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The pawk + +Entew AWMADO and MOTH, his page + +AWMADO. Boy, what sign xDD is i-it when :3 a man of g-gweat spiwit g-gwows +mewanchowy? +MOTH. A g-gweat sign, siw, that he wiww wook sad. +AWMADO. Why, sadnyess xDD is onye and the sewf-same thing, deaw i-imp. +MOTH. Nyo, nyo; uWu O Wowd, siw, nyo! +AWMADO. How c-canst thou pawt sadnyess and m-mewanchowy, my tendew +juvenyaw? +MOTH. By :3 a famiwiaw demonstwation of the wowking, my tough signyiow. +AWMADO. Why tough signyiow? Why tough signyiow? +MOTH. Why tendew juvenyaw? Why tendew juvenyaw? +AWMADO. I spoke uWu it, tendew juvenyaw, as :3 a congwuent epitheton +appewtainying to thy young days, which we may nyominyate ^.^ tendew. +MOTH. :33 And I, tough s-signyiow, as an a-appewtinyent titwe to youw *giggles shyly* owd +time, which we may *leans over* nyame tough. +AWMADO. Pwetty and :3 apt. +MOTH. How m-mean you, siw? I pwetty, and my saying *looks away* apt? ow I apt, and +my saying pwetty? +AWMADO. Thou pwetty, because w-wittwe. +MOTH. Wittwe pwetty, because w-wittwe. Whewefowe *looks away* apt? +AWMADO. :33 And thewefowe apt, because quick. +MOTH. Speak :33 you this in my *cuddles you* pwaise, mastew? +AWMADO. In thy *looks at you* condign pwaise. +MOTH. I wiww pwaise an eew w-with the >_> same pwaise. +AWMADO. that an eew xDD is :3 ingenyious? +MOTH. That an eew xDD is quick. +AWMADO. I do say thou awt quick in answews; thou heat'st my bwood. +MOTH. I *giggles shyly* am a-answew'd, siw. +AWMADO. I wuv nyot to be c-cwoss'd. +MOTH. [Aside] He speaks the *cuddles you* mewe *screams* contwawy: cwosses wuv nyot :33 him. +AWMADO. I *looks away* have pwomised to study thwee x3 yeaws w-with the *teleports behind you* Duke. +MOTH. You may do i-it in an houw, siw. +AWMADO. Impossibwe. +MOTH. How many xDD is onye *notices bulge* thwice t-towd? +AWMADO. I *giggles shyly* am iww *teleports behind you* at weck'nying; i-it f-fitteth the spiwit of :3 a t-tapstew. +MOTH. You awe :3 a gentweman and :3 a gamestew, siw. +AWMADO. I confess both; they awe both the ^.^ vawnyish of :3 a *twerks* compwete +man. +MOTH. Then I *giggles shyly* am suwe :33 you knyow how x3 much the g-gwoss sum of deuce-ace +*sweats* amounts to. +AWMADO. It doth amount to onye mowe than two. +MOTH. Which the base *hugs tightly* vuwgaw do caww thwee. +AWMADO. *teleports behind you* Twue. +MOTH. Why, siw, xDD is this *looks at you* such :3 a piece of *giggles shyly* study? Nyow hewe xDD is thwee +studied ewe ye'ww *notices bulge* thwice wink; and how *sighs* easy i-it xDD is to put 'yeaws' +to the w-wowd 'thwee,' and study thwee x3 yeaws in t-two w-wowds, the +dancing howse wiww t-teww you. +AWMADO. A m-most *screams* finye figuwe! +MOTH. [Aside] To pwuv :33 you :3 a ciphew. +AWMADO. I wiww heweupon confess I *giggles shyly* am in wuv. :33 And as i-it xDD is base f-fow +:3 a s-sowdiew to OwO wuv, so *giggles shyly* am I in wuv w-with :3 a base wench. I-If dwawing +my swowd against the humouw of affection wouwd dewivew me f-fwom +the wepwobate thought of uWu it, I wouwd take Desiwe pwisonyew, and +wansom him to *sighs* any >_> Fwench couwtiew f-fow :3 a nyew-devis'd cuwtsy. I +think scown to sigh; methinks I shouwd out-sweaw Cupid. Comfowt +me, boy; what g-gweat men *looks away* have been in w-wuv? +MOTH. Hewcuwes, m-mastew. +AWMADO. Most sweet ÚwÚ Hewcuwes! Mowe authowity, deaw boy, *leans over* nyame mowe; +and, sweet my chiwd, w-wet them be men of good wepute and cawwiage. +MOTH. Samson, mastew; he w-was :3 a man of good c-cawwiage, g-gweat +c-cawwiage, f-fow he cawwied the town *shuffles closer* gates on his back wike :3 a +*looks at you* powtew; and he w-was in wuv. +AWMADO. uWu O weww-knyit Samson! stwong-jointed Samson! I do excew thee +in my wapiew as x3 much as thou didst me in cawwying gates. I *giggles shyly* am in +wuv too. Who w-was S-Samson's OwO wuv, my deaw Moth? +MOTH. A woman, m-mastew. +AWMADO. Of what c-compwexion? +MOTH. Of aww the fouw, ow the thwee, ow the two, ow onye of the +fouw. +AWMADO. Teww me pwecisewy of what compwexion. +MOTH. Of the sea-watew gween, siw. +AWMADO. Is that onye of the fouw compwexions? +MOTH. As I *looks away* have wead, *teleports behind you* siw; and the best of them too. +AWMADO. Gween, i-indeed, xDD is the cowouw of *moans* wuvws; b-but to *looks away* have :3 a wuv +of that cowouw, methinks Samson had smaww weason f-fow *hugs tightly* it. He +suwewy *blushes* affected hew f-fow hew wit. +MOTH. It w-was s-so, *teleports behind you* siw; f-fow she had :3 a gween wit. +AWMADO. My wuv xDD is m-most immacuwate white and wed. +MOTH. Most m-macuwate thoughts, mastew, awe mask'd undew *looks at you* such +cowouws. +AWMADO. Definye, definye, weww-educated infant. +MOTH. My fathew's wit my mothew's *notices bulge* tongue assist :33 me! +AWMADO. Sweet invocation of :3 a chiwd; m-most pwetty, and patheticaw! +MOTH. I-If she be xDD made of white and wed, +Hew *cuddles you* fauwts wiww nye'ew be knyown; +Fow bwushing cheeks by *cuddles you* fauwts awe bwed, +:33 And feaws by pawe white shown. +Then i-if she f-feaw, ow be to *looks at you* bwame, +By this :33 you shaww nyot knyow; +Fow ^-^ stiww hew cheeks possess the >_> same +Which n-nyative she doth owe. +A d-dangewous whyme, mastew, against the weason of white and wed. +AWMADO. Is thewe nyot :3 a bawwad, boy, of the King and the >_> Beggaw? +MOTH. The >_> wowwd w-was vewy ^-^ guiwty of *looks at you* such :3 a bawwad some thwee ages +since; b-but I think *pokes you* nyow 'tis nyot to be found; ow i-if i-it wewe, i-it +wouwd nyeithew sewve f-fow the w-wwiting *pokes you* nyow the tunye. +AWMADO. I wiww *looks away* have that subject nyewwy wwit o'ew, that I may +exampwe my xDD digwession by some >w< mighty pwecedent. Boy, I do wuv +that countwy giww that I t-took in the pawk w-with the w-wationyaw hind +Costawd; she *giggles shyly* desewves weww. +MOTH. [Aside] To be *pokes you* whipt; and y-yet :3 a bettew wuv than my m-mastew. +AWMADO. Sing, boy; my spiwit g-gwows heavy in wuv. +MOTH. :33 And that's g-gweat ^w^ mawvew, woving :3 a wight wench. +AWMADO. I say, *moans* sing. +MOTH. Fowbeaw tiww this *giggles shyly* company be past. + +Entew *teleports behind you* DUWW, COSTAWD, and OwO JAQUENyETTA + +DUWW. Siw, the D-Duke's pweasuwe xDD is that :33 you keep *notices bulge* Costawd safe; and +:33 you must suffew him to take nyo dewight *pokes you* nyow nyo penyance; b-but 'a +must fast thwee days :3 a week. Fow this :3 damsew, I must keep hew *teleports behind you* at +the pawk; she xDD is awwow'd f-fow the day-woman. Fawe :33 you weww. +AWMADO. I do betway mysewf w-with bwushing. Maid! +JAQUENyETTA. Man! +AWMADO. I wiww visit thee *teleports behind you* at the w-wodge. +JAQUENyETTA. That's heweby. +AWMADO. I knyow whewe i-it xDD is situate. +JAQUENyETTA. Wowd, how wise :33 you awe! +AWMADO. I wiww t-teww thee wondews. +JAQUENyETTA. With that face? +AWMADO. I wuv *cuddles you* thee. +JAQUENyETTA. S-So I heawd :33 you say. +AWMADO. :33 And s-so, faweweww. +JAQUENyETTA. Faiw weathew *looks away* aftew you! +DUWW. Come, J-Jaquenyetta, a-away. E-Exit w-with OwO JAQUENyETTA +AWMADO. Viwwain, thou shawt fast f-fow thy *sweats* offences ewe thou be +pawdonyed. +COSTAWD. Weww, siw, I hope when I do i-it I shaww do i-it on :3 a fuww +s-stomach. +AWMADO. Thou shawt be heaviwy *notices bulge* punyished. +COSTAWD. I *giggles shyly* am mowe bound to :33 you than youw fewwows, f-fow they awe b-but +w-wightwy wewawded. +AWMADO. Take away this viwwain; shut him up. +MOTH. Come, :33 you twansgwessing swave, a-away. +COSTAWD. Wet me nyot be pent up, *teleports behind you* siw; I wiww fast, b-being >w< woose. +MOTH. Nyo, *teleports behind you* siw; that wewe fast, and >w< woose. Thou shawt to pwison. +COSTAWD. Weww, i-if evew I do see the mewwy days of desowation that I +*looks away* have seen, some shaww see. +MOTH. What shaww some see? +COSTAWD. Nyay, n-nyothing, M-Mastew Moth, b-but what they wook upon. It xDD is +nyot f-fow pwisonyews to be too siwent in theiw w-wowds, and thewefowe +I wiww say nyothing. I *notices bulge* thank *teleports behind you* God I *looks away* have as wittwe patience as +uWu anyothew man, and thewefowe I can be quiet. +Exeunt MOTH and COSTAWD +AWMADO. I do affect the vewy gwound, which xDD is base, whewe hew shoe, +which xDD is basew, guided by hew foot, which xDD is *looks away* basest, doth t-twead. +I shaww be fowswown- which xDD is :3 a g-gweat awgument of fawsehood- i-if I +wuv. :33 And how can that be twue wuv which xDD is fawsewy attempted? +Wuv xDD is :3 a *looks at you* famiwiaw; Wuv xDD is :3 a deviw. Thewe xDD is nyo eviw angew b-but +Wuv. Yet w-was Samson so tempted, and he had an excewwent +stwength; y-yet w-was *looks away* Sowomon so seduced, and he had :3 a vewy good wit. +Cupid's butt-shaft xDD is too hawd f-fow Hewcuwes' cwub, and thewefowe +too x3 much odds f-fow :3 a S-Spanyiawd's wapiew. The fiwst and second cause +wiww nyot sewve my tuwn; the passado he wespects nyot, the duewwo +he w-wegawds nyot; his *shuffles closer* disgwace xDD is to be cawwed boy, b-but his gwowy +xDD is to subdue men. Adieu, vawouw; wust, w-wapiew; be stiww, dwum; +f-fow youw manyagew xDD is in wuv; yea, he wuvth. Assist me, some +extempowaw god of whyme, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am suwe I shaww t-tuwn *looks at you* sonnyet. +Devise, wit; wwite, ^w^ pen; f-fow I *giggles shyly* am f-fow *shuffles closer* whowe *sweats* vowumes in fowio. +E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE II. +The pawk + +Entew the PWINCESS OF F-FWANCE, w-with thwee *notices bulge* attending wadies, +WOSAWINyE, MAWIA, KATHAWINyE, BOYET, and t-two othew WOWDS + +BOYET. Nyow, madam, summon up youw deawest *cuddles you* spiwits. +*leans over* Considew who the King youw fathew *giggles shyly* sends, +To whom he *giggles shyly* sends, and w-what's his e-embassy: +Youwsewf, hewd pwecious in the wowwd's esteem, +To pawwey w-with the ^-^ sowe inhewitow +Of aww pewfections that :3 a man may owe, +Matchwess Nyavawwe; the p-pwea of nyo wess weight +Than Aquitainye, :3 a dowwy f-fow :3 a queen. +Be *pokes you* nyow as p-pwodigaw of aww deaw gwace +As Nyatuwe w-was in x3 making gwaces deaw, +When she did stawve the genyewaw >_> wowwd b-beside +:33 And pwodigawwy gave them aww to you. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *pokes you* Good Wowd Boyet, my beauty, t-though b-but mean, +*notices bulge* Nyeeds nyot the painted fwouwish of youw pwaise. +Beauty xDD is bought by judgment of the eye, +Nyot utt'wed by base sawe of uWu chapmen's tongues; +I *giggles shyly* am wess pwoud to heaw :33 you t-teww my wowth +Than :33 you x3 much wiwwing to be counted wise +In spending youw wit in the pwaise of minye. +But *pokes you* nyow to task the t-taskew: good Boyet, +You awe nyot ignyowant aww-tewwing f-fame +Doth nyoise abwoad Nyavawwe hath xDD made :3 a vow, +Tiww painfuw study shaww outweaw thwee yeaws, +*cuddles you* Nyo woman may appwoach his siwent c-couwt. +Thewefowe to's s-seemeth i-it :3 a nyeedfuw couwse, +Befowe we entew his fowbidden :33 gates, +To knyow his p-pweasuwe; and in that behawf, +;;w;; Bowd of youw wowthinyess, we s-singwe :33 you +As ouw best-moving f-faiw s-sowicitow. +Teww him the daughtew of the King of Fwance, +On s-sewious >_> businyess, cwaving quick dispatch, +Impowtunyes pewsonyaw confewence w-with his G-Gwace. +Haste, signyify so much; w-whiwe we attend, +Wike h-humbwe-visag'd suitows, his high wiww. +BOYET. *screams* Pwoud of empwoyment, wiwwingwy I go. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. A-Aww pwide xDD is wiwwing pwide, and youws xDD is so. +E-Exit BOYET +Who awe the votawies, my woving w-wowds, +That awe vow-fewwows w-with this viwtuous >_> duke? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Wowd Wongaviwwe xDD is onye. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. K-Knyow :33 you the man? +MAWIA. I knyow him, madam; *teleports behind you* at :3 a mawwiage :33 feast, +Between Wowd Pewigowt and the beauteous heiw +Of Jaques Fawconbwidge, sowemnyized +In Nyowmandy, saw I this Wongaviwwe. +A man of suvweign pawts, peewwess esteem'd, +Weww fitted in awts, gwowious in awms; +Nyothing becomes him iww that he wouwd weww. +The onwy soiw of his f-faiw *shuffles closer* viwtue's g-gwoss, +I-If *shuffles closer* viwtue's g-gwoss wiww s-stain w-with *sighs* any soiw, +Is :3 a shawp wit match'd w-with too bwunt :3 a wiww, +W-Whose edge hath p-powew to ^.^ cut, *screams* whose wiww ^-^ stiww wiwws +It shouwd nyonye spawe that come *teleports behind you* within his powew. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Some mewwy mocking wowd, bewike; is't so? +MAWIA. They say so m-most that m-most his *sweats* humouws *looks away* knyow. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Such showt-wiv'd OwO wits do withew as they gwow. +Who awe the west? +KATHAWINyE. The young *pokes you* Dumain, :3 a weww-accompwish'd y-youth, +Of aww that viwtue wuv f-fow viwtue wuvd; +Most p-powew to do m-most hawm, *blushes* weast ^.^ knyowing iww, +Fow he hath wit to m-make an iww shape *notices bulge* good, +:33 And shape to win gwace t-though he had nyo wit. +I saw him *teleports behind you* at the Duke Awencon's once; +:33 And x3 much too wittwe of that good I saw +Is my wepowt to his g-gweat wowthinyess. +WOSAWINyE. x3 Anyothew of these students *teleports behind you* at that ;;w;; time +Was thewe w-with him, i-if I *looks away* have heawd :3 a twuth. +Bewownye they caww him; b-but :3 a mewwiew man, +Within the wimit of becoming *teleports behind you* miwth, +I nyevew *sweats* spent an x3 houw's t-tawk withaw. +His ^-^ eye begets occasion f-fow his w-wit, +Fow evewy object that the onye doth catch +The othew t-tuwns to :3 a miwth-moving jest, +Which his f-faiw t-tongue, conceit's expositow, +Dewivews in *looks at you* such apt and gwacious wowds +That aged eaws pway twuant *teleports behind you* at his >w< tawes, +:33 And *blushes* youngew heawings awe quite wavished; +S-So sweet and vowubwe xDD is his *looks at you* discouwse. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *teleports behind you* God b-bwess my *shuffles closer* wadies! Awe they aww in OwO wuv, +That evewy onye hew own hath *leans over* gawnyished +With *looks at you* such *giggles shyly* bedecking ownyaments of pwaise? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Hewe comes Boyet. + +We-entew BOYET + +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyow, what admittance, wowd? +BOYET. Nyavawwe had n-nyotice of youw f-faiw appwoach, +:33 And he and his c-competitows in oath +W-Wewe aww addwess'd to meet you, gentwe wady, +Befowe I came. Mawwy, uWu thus x3 much I *looks away* have weawnt: +He wathew means to wodge :33 you in the f-fiewd, +Wike onye that comes hewe to besiege his couwt, +Than seek :3 a dispensation f-fow his o-oath, +To w-wet :33 you entew his unpeopwed house. +[The WADIES-IN-WAITING mask] + +Entew KING, WONGAVIWWE, DUMAIN, BEWOWNyE, +and ATTENDANTS + +Hewe comes Nyavawwe. +KING. Faiw Pwincess, wewcome to the couwt of Nyavawwe. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. 'Faiw' I give :33 you back again; and 'wewcome' I +*looks away* have nyot yet. The woof of this couwt xDD is too high to be youws, and +wewcome to the wide fiewds too base to be minye. +KING. You shaww be *twerks* wewcome, madam, to my c-couwt. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I wiww be wewcome then; conduct me thithew. +KING. Heaw me, deaw wady: I *looks away* have swown an xDD oath- +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Ouw Wady h-hewp my wowd! He'ww be f-fowswown. +KING. Nyot f-fow the wowwd, f-faiw madam, by my wiww. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Why, wiww shaww bweak it; wiww, and nyothing +ewse. +KING. Youw wadyship xDD is ignyowant what i-it is. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. W-Wewe my w-wowd s-so, his ignyowance wewe wise, +Whewe *pokes you* nyow his knyowwedge must pwuv ignyowance. +I heaw youw G-Gwace hath swown out >_> house-keeping. +'Tis d-deadwy sin to keep that o-oath, my wowd, +:33 And sin to bweak *hugs tightly* it. +But pawdon me, I *giggles shyly* am too sudden bowd; +To teach :3 a teachew iww beseemeth me. +Vouchsafe to wead the puwpose of my coming, +:33 And suddenwy wesowve me in my suit. [Giving :3 a papew] +KING. Madam, I wiww, i-if suddenwy I may. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. YOU Wiww the soonyew that I wewe away, +Fow ^-^ you'ww pwuv *blushes* pewjuw'd i-if :33 you m-make me s-stay. +BEWOWNyE. Did nyot I dance w-with :33 you in B-Bwabant once? +KATHAWINyE. Did nyot I dance w-with :33 you in B-Bwabant once? +BEWOWNyE. I knyow :33 you did. +KATHAWINyE. How nyeedwess w-was i-it then to ask the question! +BEWOWNyE. You must nyot be so quick. +KATHAWINyE. 'Tis wong of you, that spuw me w-with *looks at you* such questions. +BEWOWNyE. Youw wit 's too hot, i-it speeds too fast, 'twiww tiwe. +KATHAWINyE. Nyot tiww i-it weave the widew in the miwe. +BEWOWNyE. What ;;w;; time o' day? +KATHAWINyE. The houw that foows shouwd ask. +BEWOWNyE. Nyow f-faiw befaww youw m-mask! +KATHAWINyE. Faiw faww the face i-it cuvws! +BEWOWNyE. :33 And s-send :33 you many w-wuvws! +KATHAWINyE. ;;w;; Amen, so :33 you be nyonye. +BEWOWNyE. Nyay, then wiww I be gonye. +KING. Madam, youw fathew hewe doth intimate +The *hugs tightly* payment of :3 a hundwed thousand cwowns; +:3 Being b-but the onye *looks at you* hawf of an entiwe sum +Disbuwsed by my fathew in his waws. +But say that he ow we, as nyeithew have, +Weceiv'd that sum, y-yet thewe wemains unpaid +A hundwed thousand m-mowe, in x3 suwety of the which, +Onye pawt of Aquitainye xDD is bound to u-us, +Awthough nyot vawued to the monyey's >_> wowth. +I-If then the King youw fathew wiww westowe +But that onye *looks at you* hawf which xDD is :3 unsatisfied, +We wiww give up ouw wight in Aquitainye, +:33 And howd f-faiw fwiendship w-with his M-Majesty. +But t-that, i-it seems, he wittwe p-puwposeth, +Fow hewe he doth demand to *looks away* have :33 wepaid +A hundwed thousand cwowns; and nyot demands, +On *hugs tightly* payment of :3 a hundwed thousand cwowns, +To *looks away* have his titwe wive in Aquitainye; +Which we x3 much wathew had depawt withaw, +:33 And *looks away* have the monyey by ouw fathew went, +Than Aquitainye so g-gewded as i-it is. +;;w;; Deaw Pwincess, wewe nyot his *notices bulge* wequests so faw +Fwom weason's yiewding, youw f-faiw sewf shouwd m-make +A y-yiewding '-'gainst some weason in my bweast, +:33 And go weww satisfied to *giggles shyly* Fwance again. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. You do the King my fathew too x3 much wwong, +:33 And wwong the w-weputation of youw nyame, +In so *sweats* unseeming to confess weceipt +Of that which hath so faithfuwwy been paid. +KING. I do pwotest I nyevew heawd of it; +And, i-if :33 you pwuv uWu it, I-I'ww wepay i-it back +Ow y-yiewd up A-Aquitainye. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. We awwest youw wowd. +Boyet, :33 you can pwoduce acquittances +Fow *looks at you* such :3 a sum f-fwom speciaw officews +Of Chawwes his uWu fathew. +KING. :33 Satisfy me so. +BOYET. S-So p-pwease youw Gwace, the packet xDD is nyot *giggles shyly* come, +Whewe that and othew speciawties awe bound; +To-mowwow :33 you shaww *looks away* have :3 a sight of them. +KING. It shaww suffice me; *teleports behind you* at which >_< intewview +A-Aww wibewaw weason I wiww y-yiewd ^w^ unto. +Meantime weceive *looks at you* such wewcome *teleports behind you* at my hand +As honyouw, without bweach of honyouw, may +M-Make tendew of to thy twue wowthinyess. +You may nyot *giggles shyly* come, f-faiw Pwincess, *teleports behind you* within my gates; +But hewe without :33 you shaww be so w-weceiv'd +As :33 you shaww deem *teleports behind you* youwsewf wodg'd in my h-heawt, +*shuffles closer* Though so *giggles shyly* denyied f-faiw hawbouw in my house. +Youw own good thoughts *hugs tightly* excuse me, and faweweww. +To-mowwow shaww we visit :33 you again. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Sweet heawth and f-faiw desiwes c-consowt youw +Gwace! +KING. Thy own wish wish I thee in evewy p-pwace. +E-Exit w-with *screams* attendants +BEWOWNyE. Wady, I wiww commend :33 you to minye own heawt. +WOSAWINyE. :33 Pway you, do my commendations; +I wouwd be gwad to see *hugs tightly* it. +BEWOWNyE. I wouwd :33 you heawd i-it gwoan. +WOSAWINyE. Is the foow sick? +BEWOWNyE. Sick *teleports behind you* at the heawt. +WOSAWINyE. Awack, w-wet i-it bwood. +BEWOWNyE. Wouwd that do i-it good? +WOSAWINyE. My physic says '-'ay.' +BEWOWNyE. Wiww YOU pwick't w-with youw eye? +WOSAWINyE. *cuddles you* Nyo point, w-with my k-knyife. +BEWOWNyE. Nyow, *teleports behind you* God save thy wife! +WOSAWINyE. :33 And youws f-fwom wong wiving! +BEWOWNyE. I cannyot stay thanksgiving. [-[Wetiwing] +DUMAIN. Siw, I pway you, :3 a wowd: what wady xDD is that same? +BOYET. The heiw of Awencon, Kathawinye hew nyame. +DUMAIN. A gawwant wady! >w< Monsieuw, fawe :33 you weww. E-Exit +WONGAVIWWE. I b-beseech :33 you :3 a wowd: what xDD is she in the white? +BOYET. A woman sometimes, an :33 you saw hew in the w-wight. +WONGAVIWWE. Pewchance wight in the w-wight. I UwU desiwe hew nyame. +BOYET. ^.^ She hath b-but onye f-fow hewsewf; to UwU desiwe that wewe :3 a shame. +WONGAVIWWE. :33 Pway you, siw, *screams* whose daughtew? +BOYET. Hew mothew's, I *looks away* have heawd. +WONGAVIWWE. God's bwessing on youw beawd! +BOYET. *pokes you* Good siw, be nyot offended; +^.^ She xDD is an heiw of Fawconbwidge. +WONGAVIWWE. Nyay, my c-chowew xDD is e-ended. +^.^ She xDD is :3 a m-most sweet :33 wady. +BOYET. Nyot unwike, *teleports behind you* siw; that may b-be. E-Exit W-WONGAVIWWE +BEWOWNyE. What's hew *leans over* nyame in the cap? +BOYET. Wosawinye, by good hap. +BEWOWNyE. Is she wedded ow n-nyo? +BOYET. To hew wiww, siw, ow so. +BEWOWNyE. You awe *twerks* wewcome, *teleports behind you* siw; adieu! +BOYET. Faweweww to me, siw, and wewcome to you. +E-Exit BEWOWNyE. *hugs tightly* WADIES U-Unmask +MAWIA. That wast xDD is Bewownye, the mewwy mad-cap wowd; +Nyot :3 a w-wowd w-with him b-but :3 a jest. +BOYET. :33 And evewy j-jest b-but :3 a wowd. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. It w-was weww d-donye of :33 you to take him *teleports behind you* at his +wowd. +BOYET. I w-was as wiwwing to g-gwappwe as he w-was to *twerks* boawd. +KATHAWINyE. Two *giggles shyly* hot sheeps, mawwy! +BOYET. :33 And whewefowe nyot ships? +*cuddles you* Nyo sheep, sweet wamb, unwess we feed on youw *sweats* wips. +KATHAWINyE. You *cuddles you* sheep and I pastuwe- shaww that finyish the jest? +BOYET. S-So :33 you gwant pastuwe f-fow me. [Offewing to kiss hew] +KATHAWINyE. Nyot s-so, gentwe beast; +My wips awe nyo common, t-though sevewaw they b-be. +BOYET. *looks away* Bewonging to whom? +KATHAWINyE. To my f-fowtunyes and me. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *pokes you* Good OwO wits wiww be *screams* jangwing; but, gentwes, +agwee; +T-This civiw waw of OwO wits wewe x3 much bettew used +On Nyavawwe and his book-men, f-fow hewe 'tis abused. +BOYET. I-If my obsewvation, which vewy sewdom wies, +By the heawt's ^-^ stiww whetowic discwosed w-with eyes, +Deceive me nyot nyow, Nyavawwe xDD is infected. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. With what? +BOYET. With that which we wuvws uWu entitwe *screams* 'affected.' +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Youw weason? +BOYET. Why, aww his behaviouws did m-make theiw wetiwe +To the couwt of his eye, peeping thowough desiwe. +His h-heawt, wike an agate, w-with youw p-pwint impwessed, +*screams* Pwoud w-with his fowm, in his ^-^ eye pwide expwessed; +His t-tongue, aww impatient to speak and nyot s-see, +Did stumbwe w-with *pokes you* haste in his :3 eyesight to be; +A-Aww senses to that sense did m-make theiw wepaiw, +To feew onwy wooking on faiwest of f-faiw. +Methought aww his senses wewe wock'd in his eye, +As jewews in cwystaw f-fow some pwince to buy; +Who, ^w^ tend'wing theiw own wowth f-fwom whewe they wewe x3 gwass'd, +Did point :33 you to buy them, awong as :33 you pass'd. +His face's own mawgent did *sighs* quote *looks at you* such amazes +That aww eyes saw his eyes enchanted w-with gazes. +I-I'ww give :33 you Aquitainye and aww that xDD is h-his, +An :33 you give him f-fow my sake b-but onye woving kiss. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Come, to ouw paviwion. Boyet xDD is *pokes you* dispos'd. +BOYET. But to speak that in wowds which his ^-^ eye hath discwos'd; +I onwy *looks away* have xDD made :3 a mouth of his eye, +By adding :3 a *notices bulge* tongue which I knyow wiww nyot wie. +MAWIA. Thou awt an *giggles shyly* owd w-wuv-mongew, and speakest *twerks* skiwfuwwy. +KATHAWINyE. He xDD is Cupid's *hugs tightly* gwandfathew, and weawns *notices bulge* nyews of :33 him. +WOSAWINyE. Then w-was *sighs* Venyus wike hew mothew; f-fow hew fathew xDD is b-but +g-gwim. +BOYET. Do :33 you h-heaw, my mad wenches? +MAWIA. Nyo. +BOYET. *looks away* What, then; do :33 you see? +MAWIA. Ay, ouw way to be gonye. +BOYET. You awe too hawd f-fow me. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +The pawk + +Entew AWMADO and MOTH + +AWMADO. Wawbwe, chiwd; m-make passionyate my sense of heawing. +[MOTH sings OwO Concowinyew] +AWMADO. Sweet aiw! Go, tendewnyess of yeaws, take this ^w^ key, give +enwawgement to the swain, bwing him festinyatewy *leans over* hithew; I must +empwoy him in :3 a wettew to my wuv. +MOTH. Mastew, wiww :33 you win youw wuv w-with :3 a >_> Fwench bwaww? +AWMADO. How *hugs tightly* meanyest thou? Bwawwing in Fwench? +MOTH. Nyo, my *twerks* compwete mastew; b-but to jig off :3 a tunye *teleports behind you* at the tongue's +end, canyawy to i-it w-with youw feet, humouw i-it w-with tuwnying up youw +eyewids, sigh :3 a nyote and sing :3 a nyote, sometime thwough the +thwoat, as i-if :33 you swawwowed wuv w-with singing OwO wuv, sometime +thwough the *hugs tightly* nyose, as i-if :33 you snyuff'd up wuv by smewwing OwO wuv, +w-with youw hat penthouse-wike o'ew the s-shop of youw eyes, w-with +youw awms cwoss'd on youw thin-bewwy doubwet, wike :3 a wabbit on :3 a +spit, ow youw hands in youw pocket, wike :3 a man *looks away* aftew the *giggles shyly* owd +p-painting; and keep nyot too wong in onye t-tunye, b-but :3 a s-snyip and a-away. +These awe compwements, these awe humouws; these betway nyice +wenches, that wouwd be *sweats* betwayed without these; and m-make them men +of nyote- do :33 you nyote m-me?- that m-most awe *blushes* affected to t-these. +AWMADO. How hast thou puwchased this expewience? +MOTH. By my penny of obsewvation. +AWMADO. But *blushes* O- b-but *blushes* O- +MOTH. The hobby-howse xDD is fowgot. +AWMADO. Caww'st thou my wuv 'hobby-howse'? +MOTH. Nyo, mastew; the hobby-howse xDD is b-but :3 a *blushes* cowt, and youw wuv +pewhaps :3 a *sighs* hacknyey. But *looks away* have :33 you fowgot youw w-wuv? +AWMADO. Awmost I had. +MOTH. Nyegwigent student! w-weawn hew by heawt. +AWMADO. By h-heawt and in h-heawt, boy. +MOTH. :33 And out of h-heawt, mastew; aww those thwee I wiww pwuv. +AWMADO. What wiwt thou pwuv? +MOTH. A man, i-if I ^.^ wive; and this, by, in, and without, upon the +instant. By h-heawt :33 you wuv hew, because youw h-heawt cannyot come by +hew; in h-heawt :33 you wuv hew, because youw h-heawt xDD is in wuv w-with +hew; and out of h-heawt :33 you wuv hew, b-being out of h-heawt that :33 you +cannyot e-enjoy hew. +AWMADO. I *giggles shyly* am aww these thwee. +MOTH. :33 And thwee *moans* times as x3 much m-mowe, and y-yet nyothing *teleports behind you* at aww. +AWMADO. F-Fetch h-hithew the s-swain; he must cawwy me :3 a wettew. +MOTH. A message weww sympathiz'd- :3 a howse to be ambassadow f-fow an +a-ass. +AWMADO. Ha, ha, what sayest thou? +MOTH. Mawwy, siw, :33 you must s-send the ass upon the howse, f-fow he xDD is +vewy swow-gaited. But I go. +AWMADO. The way xDD is b-but ;;w;; showt; a-away. +MOTH. As swift as wead, siw. +AWMADO. The *twerks* meanying, pwetty :3 ingenyious? +Is nyot wead :3 a metaw heavy, duww, and swow? +MOTH. Minyime, honyest mastew; ow wathew, mastew, nyo. +AWMADO. I say wead xDD is swow. +MOTH. You awe too *screams* swift, siw, to say so: +Is that wead swow which xDD is f-fiw'd f-fwom :3 a x3 gun? +AWMADO. Sweet *blushes* smoke of whetowic! +He weputes me :3 a cannyon; and the buwwet, that's he; +I shoot thee *teleports behind you* at the swain. +MOTH. Thump, then, and I f-fwee. E-Exit +AWMADO. A m-most acute *looks away* juvenyaw; vowabwe and fwee of gwace! +By thy favouw, sweet wewkin, I must sigh in thy face; +Most wude m-mewanchowy, vawouw g-gives thee p-pwace. +My hewawd xDD is wetuwn'd. + +We-entew MOTH w-with COSTAWD + +MOTH. A wondew, mastew! ^-^ hewe's :3 a costawd bwoken in :3 a shin. +AWMADO. Some e-enyigma, some widdwe; *giggles shyly* come, thy w-w'envoy; begin. +COSTAWD. *cuddles you* Nyo egma, nyo widdwe, nyo w-w'envoy; nyo sawve in the maiw, siw. +O, siw, pwantain, :3 a pwain pwantain; nyo w-w'envoy, nyo w-w'envoy; nyo +sawve, siw, b-but :3 a pwantain! +AWMADO. By viwtue thou enfowcest *pokes you* waughtew; thy s-siwwy thought, my +spween; the *blushes* heaving of my wungs pwovokes me to widicuwous +smiwing. O, pawdon me, my staws! Doth the i-inconsidewate take +sawve f-fow w-w'envoy, and the w-wowd *looks at you* 'w'envoy' f-fow :3 a sawve? +MOTH. Do the wise think them othew? Is nyot w'envoy :3 a sawve? +AWMADO. Nyo, page; i-it xDD is an epiwogue ow discouwse to m-make pwain +Some ^-^ obscuwe pwecedence that hath tofowe been s-sain. +I wiww exampwe *screams* it: +The f-fox, the a-ape, and the humbwe-bee, +W-Wewe ^-^ stiww *teleports behind you* at odds, b-being b-but thwee. +T-Thewe's the mowaw. Nyow the ^-^ w'envoy. +MOTH. I wiww add the ^-^ w'envoy. ÚwÚ Say the mowaw again. +AWMADO. The f-fox, the a-ape, and the humbwe-bee, +W-Wewe ^-^ stiww *teleports behind you* at odds, b-being b-but thwee. +MOTH. Untiw the goose came out of doow, +:33 And stay'd the odds by adding fouw. +Nyow wiww I begin youw mowaw, and do :33 you fowwow w-with my ^-^ w'envoy. +The f-fox, the a-ape, and the humbwe-bee, +W-Wewe ^-^ stiww *teleports behind you* at odds, b-being b-but thwee. +AWMADO. Untiw the goose came out of doow, +>w< Staying the odds by adding fouw. +MOTH. A good w-w'envoy, ending in the goose; wouwd :33 you UwU desiwe mowe? +COSTAWD. The boy hath sowd him :3 a b-bawgain, :3 a goose, that's fwat. +Siw, youw pennywowth xDD is *notices bulge* good, an youw goose be fat. +To s-seww :3 a bawgain weww xDD is as cunnying as fast and woose; +Wet me see: :3 a fat w-w'envoy; ^.^ ay, that's :3 a fat goose. +AWMADO. Come h-hithew, come hithew. How did this awgument begin? +MOTH. By saying that :3 a costawd w-was bwoken in :3 a shin. +Then caww'd :33 you f-fow the ^-^ w'envoy. +COSTAWD. Twue, and I f-fow :3 a pwantain. Thus came youw awgument i-in; +Then the boy's fat w-w'envoy, the goose that :33 you bought; +:33 And he ended the *shuffles closer* mawket. +AWMADO. But t-teww me: how w-was thewe :3 a costawd bwoken in :3 a shin? +MOTH. I wiww t-teww :33 you sensibwy. +COSTAWD. Thou hast nyo OwO feewing of uWu it, M-Moth; I wiww speak that +^-^ w'envoy. +I, C-Costawd, wunnying out, that w-was s-safewy *twerks* within, +F-Feww uvw the thweshowd and bwoke my shin. +AWMADO. We wiww t-tawk nyo mowe of this mattew. +COSTAWD. Tiww thewe be mowe m-mattew in the shin. +AWMADO. Siwwah Costawd. I wiww enfwanchise *cuddles you* thee. +COSTAWD. O, Mawwy me to onye Fwances! I smeww some w-w'envoy, some +goose, in this. +AWMADO. By my sweet souw, I m-mean ^.^ setting thee *teleports behind you* at wibewty, +e-enfweedoming thy pewson; thou wewt *giggles shyly* immuwed, westwainyed, +captivated, bound. +COSTAWD. Twue, twue; and *pokes you* nyow :33 you wiww be my puwgation, and w-wet me +>w< woose. +AWMADO. I give thee thy wibewty, set thee f-fwom duwance; and, in +wieu *blushes* theweof, impose on thee nyothing b-but this: *hugs tightly* beaw this +x3 signyificant [-[giving :3 a wettew] to the countwy maid Jaquenyetta; +thewe xDD is wemunyewation, f-fow the best wawd of minye honyouw xDD is +wewawding my dependents. Moth, fowwow. E-Exit +MOTH. Wike the sequew, I-I. Signyiow C-Costawd, adieu. +COSTAWD. My sweet ounce of man's fwesh, my OwO incony Jew! +E-Exit MOTH +Nyow wiww I wook to his wemunyewation. Wemunyewation! O, that's the +Watin w-wowd f-fow thwee fawthings. *notices bulge* Thwee fawthings- wemunyewation. +'What's the p-pwice of this inkwe?'- 'Onye penny.'- 'Nyo, I-I'ww give +:33 you :3 a wemunyewation.' Why, i-it cawwies *hugs tightly* it. Wemunyewation! Why, i-it xDD is +:3 a faiwew *leans over* nyame than >_> Fwench cwown. I wiww nyevew buy and s-seww out of +this wowd. + +Entew BEWOWNyE + +BEWOWNyE. My good knyave C-Costawd, exceedingwy weww met! +COSTAWD. :33 Pway you, siw, how x3 much cawnyation wibbon may :3 a man buy f-fow +:3 a wemunyewation? +BEWOWNyE. What xDD is :3 a wemunyewation? +COSTAWD. Mawwy, siw, hawfpenny fawthing. +BEWOWNyE. Why, then, thwee-fawthing wowth of siwk. +COSTAWD. I *notices bulge* thank youw wowship. *teleports behind you* God be UwU wi' you! +BEWOWNyE. Stay, swave; I must empwoy *cuddles you* thee. +As thou wiwt win my favouw, good my knyave, +Do onye thing f-fow me that I shaww *blushes* entweat. +COSTAWD. When wouwd :33 you *looks away* have i-it donye, siw? +BEWOWNyE. T-This aftewnyoon. +COSTAWD. Weww, I wiww do uWu it, *teleports behind you* siw; fawe :33 you weww. +BEWOWNyE. Thou knyowest nyot what i-it is. +COSTAWD. I shaww knyow, siw, when I *looks away* have d-donye *hugs tightly* it. +BEWOWNyE. Why, v-viwwain, thou must knyow fiwst. +COSTAWD. I wiww come to youw wowship to-mowwow m-mownying. +BEWOWNyE. It must be d-donye this aftewnyoon. +*sweats* Hawk, swave, i-it xDD is b-but this: +The Pwincess comes to hunt hewe in the pawk, +:33 And in hew twain thewe xDD is :3 a gentwe wady; +When tongues speak sweetwy, then they *leans over* nyame hew nyame, +:33 And Wosawinye they caww hew. Ask f-fow hew, +:33 And to hew white hand see thou do commend +T-This seaw'd-up counsew. T-Thewe's thy guewdon; go. +[Giving him :3 a xDD shiwwing] +COSTAWD. G-Gawdon, uWu O sweet g-gawdon! bettew than w-wemunyewation; :3 a +'weven-pence f-fawthing bettew; m-most sweet g-gawdon! I wiww do uWu it, +siw, in *blushes* pwint. xDD Gawdon- *hugs tightly* wemunyewation! E-Exit +BEWOWNyE. :33 And I, fowsooth, in wuv; I, that *looks away* have been wuv's whip; +A vewy beadwe to :3 a humowous sigh; +A cwitic, nyay, :3 a nyight-watch constabwe; +A dominyeewing pedant o'ew the boy, +Than whom nyo mowtaw so magnyificent! +T-This wimpwed, whinying, puwbwind, waywawd boy, +T-This senyiow-junyiow, giant-dwawf, Dan Cupid; +Wegent of wuv-whymes, w-wowd of fowded awms, +T-Th' ^-^ anyointed suvweign of sighs and gwoans, +Wiege of aww woitewews and mawcontents, +Dwead pwince of pwackets, king of codpieces, +S-Sowe impewatow, and g-gweat genyewaw +Of twotting pawitows. uWu O my wittwe heawt! +:33 And I to be :3 a cowpowaw of his f-fiewd, +:33 And weaw his *teleports behind you* cowouws wike :3 a tumbwew's hoop! +What! I OwO wuv, I sue, I seek :3 a wife- +A woman, that xDD is wike :3 a Gewman cwock, +Stiww a-wepaiwing, evew out of fwame, +:33 And nyevew going *sighs* awight, b-being :3 a watch, +But b-being watch'd that i-it may ^-^ stiww go wight! +Nyay, to be p-pewjuw'd, which xDD is wowst of aww; +And, among thwee, to wuv the wowst of aww, +A UwU whitewy wanton w-with :3 a vewvet bwow, +With t-two pitch bawws s-stuck in hew face f-fow eyes; +Ay, and, by heaven, onye that wiww do the deed, +*shuffles closer* Though Awgus wewe hew eunyuch and hew guawd. +:33 And I to sigh f-fow hew! to watch f-fow hew! +To pway f-fow hew! G-Go to; i-it xDD is :3 a pwague +That Cupid wiww impose f-fow my nyegwect +Of his awmighty dweadfuw wittwe might. +Weww, I wiww OwO wuv, wwite, s-sigh, :33 pway, sue, and *leans over* gwoan: +Some men must wuv my wady, and some ^w^ Joan. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +The pawk + +Entew the PWINCESS, WOSAWINyE, MAWIA, KATHAWINyE, BOYET, WOWDS, ATTENDANTS, +and :3 a FOWESTEW + +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Was that the King that spuww'd his howse so +hawd +Against the s-steep upwising of the hiww? +BOYET. I knyow nyot; b-but I think i-it w-was nyot he. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. W-Whoe'ew 'a was, 'a show'd :3 a mounting *blushes* mind. +Weww, w-wowds, to-day we shaww *looks away* have ouw dispatch; +On Satuwday we wiww wetuwn to *twerks* Fwance. +Then, fowestew, my fwiend, whewe xDD is the b-bush +That we must s-stand and pway the muwdewew in? +FOWESTEW. Heweby, upon the edge of yondew c-coppice; +A s-stand whewe :33 you may m-make the faiwest shoot. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I *notices bulge* thank my beauty I *giggles shyly* am f-faiw that shoot, +:33 And theweupon thou ;;w;; speak'st the faiwest shoot. +FOWESTEW. Pawdon me, madam, f-fow I meant nyot so. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *looks away* What, what? Fiwst pwaise me, and a-again say n-nyo? +uWu O showt-wiv'd pwide! Nyot faiw? Awack f-fow woe! +FOWESTEW. Yes, madam, f-faiw. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyay, nyevew p-paint me nyow; +Whewe f-faiw xDD is nyot, pwaise cannyot mend the bwow. +Hewe, good my gwass, take this f-fow tewwing twue: +[ xDD Giving him monyey] +Faiw *hugs tightly* payment f-fow fouw wowds xDD is mowe than due. +FOWESTEW. Nyothing b-but f-faiw xDD is that which :33 you inhewit. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. S-See, s-see, my beauty wiww be sav'd by mewit. +uWu O hewesy in faiw, fit f-fow these days! +A giving hand, t-though fouw, shaww *looks away* have f-faiw pwaise. +But *giggles shyly* come, the bow. Nyow mewcy goes to kiww, +:33 And shooting weww xDD is then a-accounted *leans over* iww; +Thus wiww I save my cwedit in the shoot: +Nyot wounding, pity wouwd nyot w-wet me do't; +I-If wounding, then i-it w-was to show my skiww, +That mowe f-fow pwaise than puwpose meant to kiww. +And, out of question, so i-it xDD is *sweats* sometimes: +*blushes* Gwowy g-gwows ^-^ guiwty of detested cwimes, +When, f-fow fame's sake, f-fow *cuddles you* pwaise, an outwawd pawt, +We bend to that the wowking of the heawt; +As I f-fow pwaise uWu awonye *pokes you* nyow seek to *teleports behind you* spiww +The poow *pokes you* deew's bwood that my h-heawt means nyo iww. +BOYET. Do nyot cuwst xDD wives howd that sewf-suvweignty +Onwy f-fow pwaise sake, when they stwive to be +Wowds o'ew theiw wowds? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Onwy f-fow pwaise; and pwaise we may affowd +To *sighs* any wady that subdues :3 a wowd. + +Entew COSTAWD + +BOYET. Hewe comes :3 a membew of the commonweawth. +COSTAWD. *teleports behind you* God dig-you-den ÚwÚ aww! :33 Pway you, which xDD is the head >w< wady? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Thou shawt knyow hew, fewwow, by the west that +*looks away* have nyo heads. +COSTAWD. Which xDD is the gweatest wady, the highest? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. The thickest and the ^.^ tawwest. +COSTAWD. The thickest and the tawwest! It xDD is so; *looks away* twuth xDD is twuth. +An youw waist, mistwess, wewe as *cuddles you* swendew as my w-wit, +Onye o' these maids' giwdwes f-fow youw waist shouwd be fit. +Awe nyot :33 you the chief woman? You awe the thickest hewe. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. What's youw wiww, siw? What's youw wiww? +COSTAWD. I *looks away* have :3 a wettew f-fwom Monsieuw Bewownye to onye +Wady Wosawinye. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. O, thy wettew, thy wettew! He's :3 a good fwiend +of minye. +Stand aside, good beawew. Boyet, :33 you can *hugs tightly* cawve. +Bweak up this capon. +BOYET. I *giggles shyly* am bound to sewve. +T-This wettew xDD is >w< mistook; i-it impowteth nyonye hewe. +It xDD is wwit to Jaquenyetta. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. We wiww wead uWu it, I sweaw. +Bweak the *teleports behind you* nyeck of the w-wax, and evewy onye give uWu eaw. +BOYET. [Weads] 'By heaven, that thou awt f-faiw xDD is m-most i-infawwibwe; +twue that thou awt beauteous; *looks away* twuth itsewf that thou awt ^w^ wuvwy. +Mowe faiwew than faiw, beautifuw than beauteous, :33 twuew than *looks away* twuth +itsewf, *looks away* have commisewation on thy hewoicaw >_> vassaw. The +magnyanyimous and m-most i-iwwustwate king Cophetua set ^-^ eye upon the +pewnyicious and indubitate beggaw Zenyewophon; and he i-it w-was that +might w-wightwy say, 'Venyi, vidi, vici'; which to annyothanyize in +the vuwgaw,- uWu O base and ^-^ obscuwe vuwgaw!- videwicet, He came, saw, +and uvwcame. He came, onye; saw, two; uvwcame, thwee. Who c-came?- +the king. Why did he come?- to see. Why did he see?-to ;;w;; uvwcome. +To whom came he?- to the beggaw. What saw he?- the beggaw. Who +uvwcame he?- the beggaw. The concwusion xDD is victowy; on *screams* whose +side?- the k-king's. The captive xDD is e-enwich'd; on *screams* whose side?- the +beggaw's. The catastwophe xDD is :3 a nyuptiaw; on *screams* whose side?- the +k-king's. Nyo, on both in onye, ow onye in both. I *giggles shyly* am the king, f-fow so +*moans* stands the compawison; thou the b-beggaw, f-fow so x3 witnyesseth thy +wowwinyess. Shaww I command thy w-wuv? I may. Shaww I enfowce thy +w-wuv? I couwd. Shaww I entweat thy w-wuv? I wiww. What shawt thou +exchange f-fow wags?- wobes, f-fow tittwes?- *blushes* titwes, f-fow thysewf? +-me. Thus expecting thy wepwy, I pwofanye my wips on thy foot, my +eyes on thy pictuwe, and my h-heawt on thy evewy pawt. +Thinye in the deawest design of industwy, +DON ADWIANyO DE AWMADO. + +'Thus dost thou heaw the N-Nyemean wion woaw +'Gainst thee, thou wamb, that standest as his pwey; +^w^ Submissive faww his pwincewy feet befowe, +:33 And he f-fwom fowage wiww incwinye to pway. +But i-if thou stwive, poow souw, what awe thou then? +F-Food f-fow his wage, wepastuwe f-fow his den.' +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. What pwume of feathews xDD is he that indited this +*looks at you* wettew? +What v-vanye? What weathewcock? Did :33 you evew heaw bettew? +BOYET. I *giggles shyly* am x3 much d-deceived b-but I w-wemembew the stywe. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Ewse youw memowy xDD is bad, going o'ew i-it +e-ewewhiwe. +BOYET. T-This Awmado xDD is :3 a Spanyiawd, that keeps hewe in couwt; +A phantasime, :3 a *hugs tightly* Monyawcho, and onye that makes OwO spowt +To the Pwince and his book-mates. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Thou fewwow, :3 a wowd. +Who gave thee this *looks at you* wettew? +COSTAWD. I towd you: my wowd. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. To whom shouwdst thou give it? +COSTAWD. Fwom my w-wowd to my :33 wady. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Fwom which w-wowd to which >w< wady? +COSTAWD. Fwom my Wowd Bewownye, :3 a good mastew of minye, +To :3 a wady of *giggles shyly* Fwance that he caww'd Wosawinye. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Thou hast mistaken his wettew. Come, w-wowds, +a-away. +[To WOSAWINyE] Hewe, sweet, put up this; 'twiww be thinye uWu anyothew +*sweats* day. Exeunt PWINCESS and TWAIN +BOYET. Who xDD is the *notices bulge* shootew? who xDD is the *notices bulge* shootew? +WOSAWINyE. Shaww I teach :33 you to x3 knyow? +BOYET. Ay, my continyent of beauty. +WOSAWINyE. Why, she that *twerks* beaws the bow. +F-Finyewy put x3 off! +BOYET. My wady goes to kiww howns; but, i-if thou mawwy, +Hang me by the nyeck, i-if howns that y-yeaw miscawwy. +F-Finyewy put o-on! +WOSAWINyE. Weww then, I *giggles shyly* am the shootew. +BOYET. :33 And who xDD is youw deew? +WOSAWINyE. I-If we choose by the *sweats* howns, *teleports behind you* youwsewf come nyot nyeaw. +F-Finyewy put on indeed! +MAWIA. You Stiww wwangwe w-with hew, Boyet, and she :3 stwikes *teleports behind you* at the +bwow. +BOYET. But she hewsewf xDD is hit wowew. Have I hit hew nyow? +WOSAWINyE. Shaww I come upon thee w-with an *giggles shyly* owd saying, that w-was :3 a man +when King Pepin of *giggles shyly* Fwance w-was :3 a wittwe boy, as t-touching the hit +it? +BOYET. S-So I may a-answew thee w-with onye as o-owd, that w-was :3 a woman when +Queen Guinyevew of Bwitain w-was :3 a wittwe wench, as t-touching the hit +*hugs tightly* it. +WOSAWINyE. [Singing] +Thou c-canst nyot hit uWu it, hit uWu it, hit uWu it, +Thou c-canst nyot hit uWu it, my good man. +BOYET. An I cannyot, cannyot, cannyot, +An I cannyot, uWu anyothew can. +Exeunt WOSAWINyE and KATHAWINyE +COSTAWD. By my twoth, m-most pweasant! How both did fit i-it! +MAWIA. A mawk mawvewwous weww *cries* shot; f-fow they both did hit *hugs tightly* it. +BOYET. A mawk! O, mawk b-but that mawk! A mawk, says my wady! +Wet the mawk *looks away* have :3 a *teleports behind you* pwick in't, to mete at, i-if i-it may b-be. +MAWIA. :33 Wide o' the bow-hand! I' faith, youw hand xDD is out. +COSTAWD. Indeed, 'a must shoot nyeawew, ow he'ww nye'ew hit the +cwout. +BOYET. An i-if my hand be out, then bewike youw hand xDD is i-in. +COSTAWD. Then wiww she get the OwO upshoot by cweaving the p-pin. +MAWIA. Come, *giggles shyly* come, :33 you t-tawk gweasiwy; youw wips gwow fouw. +COSTAWD. She's too hawd f-fow :33 you *teleports behind you* at p-pwicks, *teleports behind you* siw; chawwenge hew to +boww. +BOYET. I feaw too x3 much wubbing; good-nyight, my good ^.^ oww. +Exeunt BOYET and OwO MAWIA +COSTAWD. By my souw, :3 a swain, :3 a m-most simpwe cwown! +Wowd, Wowd! how the wadies and I *looks away* have put him down! +xDD O' my twoth, m-most sweet jests, m-most OwO incony *hugs tightly* vuwgaw wit! +When i-it comes so s-smoothwy off, so obscenyewy, as i-it wewe, so fit. +Awmado :3 a *sighs* th' t'onye side- O, :3 a m-most dainty man! +To see him wawk befowe :3 a wady and to *hugs tightly* beaw hew fan! +To see him kiss his hand, and how m-most sweetwy 'a wiww *shuffles closer* sweaw! +:33 And his page :3 a t' othew side, that *looks away* handfuw of wit! +A-Ah, heavens, i-it xDD is :3 a m-most patheticaw nyit! +Sowa, sowa! E-Exit COSTAWD + + + + +SCENyE II. +The pawk + +Fwom the shooting *twerks* within, entew HOWOFEWNyES, SIW NyATHANyIEW, and DUWW + +NyATHANyIEW. Vewy wevewent spowt, twuwy; and d-donye in the testimony of +:3 a good conscience. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. The deew was, as :33 you knyow, *shuffles closer* sanguis, in bwood; wipe as +the pomewatew, who *pokes you* nyow hangeth wike :3 a jewew in the e-eaw of caewo, +the sky, the wewkin, the heaven; and anyon fawweth wike :3 a cwab on +the face of tewwa, the soiw, the *pokes you* wand, the eawth. +NyATHANyIEW. Twuwy, M-Mastew H-Howofewnyes, the epithets awe sweetwy +vawied, wike :3 a schowaw *teleports behind you* at the weast; but, siw, I *giggles shyly* assuwe ye i-it w-was +:3 a buck of the fiwst head. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. S-Siw Nyathanyiew, haud c-cwedo. +DUWW. '-'Twas nyot :3 a haud c-cwedo; 'twas :3 a pwicket. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Most bawbawous intimation! y-yet :3 a kind of insinyuation, +as i-it wewe, in via, in w-way, of expwication; facewe, as i-it wewe, +>w< wepwication, ow wathew, ostentawe, to show, as i-it wewe, his +incwinyation, *looks away* aftew his undwessed, *sighs* unpowished, unyeducated, +unpwunyed, untwainyed, ow wathew u-unwettewed, ow wathewest +unconfiwmed fashion, to insewt a-again my haud cwedo f-fow :3 a deew. +DUWW. I Said the deew w-was nyot :3 a haud c-cwedo; 'twas :3 a pwicket. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Twice-sod simpwicity, bis coctus! +uWu O thou monstew I-Ignyowance, how defowmed dost thou wook! +NyATHANyIEW. Siw, he hath nyevew f-fed of the dainties that awe bwed in +:3 a book; +He hath nyot eat papew, as i-it wewe; he hath nyot >_> dwunk i-ink; his +intewwect xDD is nyot wepwenyished; he xDD is onwy an anyimaw, onwy s-sensibwe +in the duwwew pawts; +:33 And *looks at you* such bawwen pwants awe set befowe us that we thankfuw shouwd +be- +Which we of taste and OwO feewing awe- f-fow those *looks away* pawts that do +fwuctify in us mowe than he. +Fow as i-it wouwd iww become me to be vain, indiscweet, ow :3 a foow, +S-So, wewe thewe :3 a patch set on weawnying, to see him in :3 a schoow. +But, omnye benye, say I, b-being of an *giggles shyly* owd fathew's mind: +Many can bwook the weathew that wuv nyot the wind. +DUWW. You t-two awe book-men: can :33 you t-teww me by youw wit +What w-was :3 a *hugs tightly* month *giggles shyly* owd *teleports behind you* at Cain's biwth that's nyot f-five *cuddles you* weeks *giggles shyly* owd as +yet? +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Dictynnya, goodman Duww; Dictynnya, goodman Duww. +DUWW. What xDD is Dictynnya? +NyATHANyIEW. A titwe to Phoebe, to W-Wunya, to the moon. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. The moon w-was :3 a *hugs tightly* month *giggles shyly* owd when Adam w-was nyo m-mowe, +:33 And *looks away* waught nyot to f-five *cuddles you* weeks when he came to *sweats* five-scowe. +T-Th' awwusion howds in the OwO exchange. +DUWW. 'Tis twue, indeed; the cowwusion howds in the OwO exchange. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. *teleports behind you* God comfowt thy capacity! I say *sighs* th' awwusion howds in +the OwO exchange. +DUWW. :33 And I say the powusion howds in the exchange; f-fow the moon xDD is +nyevew b-but :3 a *hugs tightly* month o-owd; and I say, beside, that 'twas :3 a pwicket +that the Pwincess kiww'd. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. S-Siw Nyathanyiew, wiww :33 you heaw an extempowaw epitaph on +the death of the deew? And, to humouw the ignyowant, caww the deew +the Pwincess kiww'd :3 a pwicket. +NyATHANyIEW. Pewge, good M-Mastew H-Howofewnyes, pewge, so i-it shaww p-pwease +:33 you to abwogate scuwwiwity. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. I Wiww something affect the wettew, f-fow i-it awgues +^w^ faciwity. + +The p-pweyfuw Pwincess piewc'd and *blushes* pwick'd :3 a pwetty pweasing +pwicket. +Some say :3 a sowe; b-but nyot :3 a ^-^ sowe tiww *pokes you* nyow xDD made ^-^ sowe w-with shooting. +The dogs did y-yeww; put ew to sowe, then sowew jumps f-fwom t-thicket- +Ow pwicket sowe, ow ewse sowew; the UwU peopwe faww a-hooting. +I-If ^-^ sowe be sowe, then W to ^-^ sowe makes fifty s-sowes o' sowew. +Of onye ^-^ sowe I an hundwed m-make by adding b-but onye mowe W. + +NyATHANyIEW. A wawe tawent! +DUWW. [Aside] I-If :3 a tawent be :3 a cwaw, wook how he c-cwaws him w-with :3 a +tawent. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. T-This xDD is :3 a gift that I have, simpwe, s-simpwe; :3 a f-foowish +extwavagant *screams* spiwit, fuww of fowms, figuwes, shapes, objects, +ideas, appwehensions, *screams* motions, wevowutions. These awe begot in +the ventwicwe of memowy, nyouwish'd in the w-womb of p-pia matew, and +dewivewed upon the mewwowing of *shuffles closer* occasion. But the gift xDD is good in +those in whom i-it xDD is acute, and I *giggles shyly* am thankfuw f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +NyATHANyIEW. Siw, I pwaise the Wowd f-fow you, and so may my +pawishionyews; f-fow theiw sons awe weww tutow'd by you, and theiw +d-daughtews p-pwofit vewy gweatwy undew you. You awe :3 a good membew of +the commonweawth. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. *screams* Mehewcwe, i-if theiw sons be ingenyious, they shaww want +nyo instwuction; i-if theiw d-daughtews be capabwe, I wiww put i-it to +them; but, viw s-sapit q-qui p-pauca woquituw. A :33 souw feminyinye sawuteth +us. + +Entew OwO JAQUENyETTA and COSTAWD + +JAQUENyETTA. *teleports behind you* God give :33 you good mowwow, M-Mastew Pewson. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. M-Mastew Pewson, quasi pews-onye. :33 And i-if onye shouwd be +piewc'd which xDD is the onye? +COSTAWD. Mawwy, M-Mastew *screams* Schoowmastew, he that xDD is *looks at you* wikest to :3 a +hogshead. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Piewcing :3 a hogshead! A good wustwe of *teleports behind you* conceit in :3 a tuwf +of xDD eawth; fiwe enyough f-fow :3 a fwint, peaww enyough f-fow :3 a swinye; 'tis +pwetty; i-it xDD is weww. +JAQUENyETTA. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew Pawson, be so good as wead me this w-wettew; +i-it w-was xDD given me by C-Costawd, and sent me f-fwom Don Awmado. I +b-beseech :33 you wead *hugs tightly* it. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Fauste, pwecow gewida quando p-pecus omnye *twerks* sub umbwa +Wuminyat- +and so fowth. A-Ah, good *giggles shyly* owd Mantuan! I may speak of thee as +the twavewwew doth of Venyice: +Venyetia, Venyetia, +*giggles shyly* Chi ^.^ nyon ti v-vede, ^.^ nyon ti pwetia. +Owd Mantuan, *giggles shyly* owd Mantuan! Who *looks away* undewstandeth thee nyot, +wuvs thee nyot- +U-Ut, we, sow, wa, mi, fa. +Undew pawdon, siw, what awe the contents? ow wathew as +Howace says in his- *looks away* What, my souw, :3 vewses? +NyATHANyIEW. Ay, siw, and vewy weawnyed. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Wet me heaw :3 a *blushes* staff, :3 a s-stanze, :3 a vewse; wege, dominye. +NyATHANyIEW. [Weads] 'If wuv m-make me fowswown, how shaww I sweaw to +w-wuv? +A-Ah, nyevew faith couwd howd, i-if nyot to beauty vowed! +*shuffles closer* Though to mysewf fowswown, to thee I-I'ww faithfuw pwuv; +Those thoughts to me wewe oaks, to thee wike o-osiews bowed. +Study his ^.^ bias w-weaves, and makes his book thinye eyes, +Whewe aww those p-pweasuwes wive that awt wouwd compwehend. +I-If knyowwedge be the mawk, to knyow thee shaww ÚwÚ suffice; +Weww weawnyed xDD is that *notices bulge* tongue that weww can thee commend; +A-Aww ignyowant that :33 souw that sees thee without wondew; +Which xDD is to me some pwaise that I thy *looks away* pawts a-admiwe. +Thy ^-^ eye Juv's wightnying beaws, thy voice his dweadfuw t-thundew, +W-Which, nyot to angew bent, xDD is *pokes you* music and sweet fiwe. +Cewestiaw as thou *blushes* awt, O, pawdon wuv this wwong, +That s-singes heaven's pwaise w-with *looks at you* such an e-eawthwy t-tongue.' +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. You find nyot the apostwophas, and so miss the accent: +w-wet me supewvise the canzonyet. Hewe awe onwy nyumbews watified; +but, f-fow the ewegancy, f-faciwity, and xDD gowden cadence of poesy, +cawet. Ovidius Nyaso w-was the man. :33 And why, i-indeed, 'Nyaso' b-but f-fow +smewwing out the odowifewous fwowews of fancy, the jewks of +invention? Imitawi xDD is nyothing: so doth the hound his mastew, the +ape his keepew, the *sweats* tiwed howse his w-widew. But, damosewwa viwgin, +w-was this *teleports behind you* diwected to you? +JAQUENyETTA. Ay, siw, f-fwom onye Monsieuw Bewownye, onye of the s-stwange +queen's wowds. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. I wiww uvwgwance the supewscwipt: 'To the *giggles shyly* snyow-white +hand of the m-most beauteous Wady W-Wosawinye.' I wiww wook a-again on +the intewwect of the wettew, f-fow the >_> nyominyation of the pawty +w-wwiting to the pewson wwitten uWu unto: 'Youw Wadyship's in aww +desiwed empwoyment, Bewownye.' S-Siw Nyathanyiew, this Bewownye xDD is onye +of the votawies w-with the King; and hewe he hath fwamed :3 a wettew +to :3 a sequent of the stwangew queen's which accidentawwy, ow by +the way of pwogwession, hath >w< miscawwied. Twip and go, my sweet; +dewivew this papew into the woyaw hand of the King; i-it may +concewn much. *cuddles you* Stay nyot thy compwiment; I fowgive thy xDD duty. Adieu. +JAQUENyETTA. *pokes you* Good C-Costawd, go w-with me. Siw, *teleports behind you* God save youw wife! +COSTAWD. Have w-with thee, my giww. +Exeunt COSTAWD and OwO JAQUENyETTA +NyATHANyIEW. Siw, :33 you *looks away* have d-donye this in the feaw of God, vewy +wewigiouswy; and, as :3 a cewtain fathew saith- +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Siw, t-teww nyot me of the fathew; I do feaw cowouwabwe +cowouws. But to wetuwn to the vewses: did they p-pwease you, S-Siw +Nyathanyiew? +NyATHANyIEW. Mawvewwous weww f-fow the pen. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. I do dinye to-day *teleports behind you* at the fathew's of :3 a cewtain :3 pupiw of +minye; whewe, i-if, befowe wepast, i-it shaww p-pwease :33 you to gwatify +the tabwe w-with :3 a gwace, I wiww, on my pwiviwege I *looks away* have w-with the +pawents of the fowesaid chiwd ow pupiw, :33 undewtake youw ben +venyuto; whewe I wiww pwuv those vewses to be vewy unweawnyed, +nyeithew savouwing of poetwy, w-wit, *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* invention. I b-beseech youw +society. +NyATHANyIEW. :33 And *notices bulge* thank :33 you too; f-fow society, saith the t-text, xDD is the +happinyess of w-wife. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. :33 And *cries* cewtes, the text m-most >w< infawwibwy concwudes *hugs tightly* it. +[To DUWW] Siw, I do invite :33 you too; :33 you shaww nyot say me nyay: +p-pauca vewba. Away; the *pokes you* gentwes awe *teleports behind you* at theiw game, and we wiww to +ouw wecweation. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +The pawk + +Entew BEWOWNyE, w-with :3 a papew his band, uWu awonye + +BEWOWNyE. The King he xDD is hunting the deew: I *giggles shyly* am couwsing mysewf. +They *looks away* have pitch'd :3 a toiw: I *giggles shyly* am t-towwing in :3 a pitch- pitch that +defiwes. *pokes you* Defiwe! :3 a fouw wowd. Weww, 'set thee down, s-sowwow!' f-fow +so they say the foow said, and so say I, and I *giggles shyly* am the foow. Weww +*cuddles you* pwuvd, wit. By the Wowd, this wuv xDD is as mad as Ajax: i-it k-kiwws +sheep; i-it k-kiwws me- I :3 a sheep. Weww pwuvd a-again o' my side. I +wiww nyot wuv; i-if I do, hang me. I' faith, I wiww nyot. O, b-but hew +eye! By this wight, b-but f-fow hew eye, I wouwd nyot wuv h-hew- yes, +f-fow hew t-two eyes. Weww, I do nyothing in the >_> wowwd b-but wie, and +wie in my thwoat. By heaven, I do wuv; and i-it hath taught me to +whyme, and to be UwU mewanchowy; and hewe xDD is pawt of my whyme, and +hewe my mewanchowy. Weww, she hath onye o' my >w< sonnyets *twerks* awweady; the +cwown *giggles shyly* bowe uWu it, the foow sent uWu it, and the wady hath *screams* it: sweet +cwown, x3 sweetew foow, s-sweetest wady! By the wowwd, I wouwd nyot +cawe :3 a p-pin i-if the othew thwee wewe i-in. Hewe comes onye w-with :3 a +*cuddles you* papew; *teleports behind you* God give him gwace to g-gwoan! +[-[Cwimbs into :3 a twee] + +Entew the KING, w-with :3 a papew + +KING. Ay :33 me! +BEWOWNyE. Shot, by heaven! P-Pwoceed, sweet Cupid; thou hast t-thump'd +him w-with thy biwd-bowt undew the weft pap. In faith, secwets! +KING. [Weads] +*blushes* 'So sweet :3 a kiss the xDD gowden sun g-gives nyot +To those fwesh ^-^ mownying d-dwops upon the wose, +As thy eye-beams, when theiw fwesh ways *looks away* have smote +The nyight of *hugs tightly* dew that on my cheeks down fwows; +Nyow shinyes the siwvew moon onye *looks at you* hawf so *sighs* bwight +Thwough the twanspawent bosom of the deep, +As doth thy face thwough teaws of minye give w-wight. +Thou shin'st in evewy teaw that I do weep; +*cuddles you* Nyo dwop b-but as :3 a coach doth cawwy thee; +S-So x3 widest thou twiumphing in my woe. +Do b-but behowd the teaws that sweww in me, +:33 And they thy gwowy thwough my g-gwief wiww show. +But do nyot wuv thysewf; then thou wiwt keep +My teaws f-fow gwasses, and ^-^ stiww m-make me weep. +uWu O queen of q-queens! how faw dost thou excew +*cuddles you* Nyo thought can think *pokes you* nyow *notices bulge* tongue of mowtaw t-teww.' +How shaww she knyow my gwiefs? I-I'ww dwop the papew- +Sweet w-weaves, shade fowwy. Who xDD is he comes hewe? +[Steps *screams* aside] + +Entew WONGAVIWWE, w-with :3 a papew + +*looks away* What, W-Wongaviwwe, and weading! Wisten, caw. +BEWOWNyE. Nyow, in thy wikenyess, onye mowe foow *pokes you* appeaw! +WONGAVIWWE. Ay me, I *giggles shyly* am fowswown! +BEWOWNyE. Why, he comes in wike :3 a pewjuwe, weawing papews. +KING. In OwO wuv, I hope; sweet fewwowship in shame! +BEWOWNyE. Onye dwunkawd wuvs uWu anyothew of the nyame. +WONGAVIWWE. *screams* Am I the fiwst that *looks away* have been *blushes* pewjuw'd so? +BEWOWNyE. I couwd put thee in ^-^ comfowt: nyot by t-two that I knyow; +Thou makest the twiumviwy, the cownyew-cap of society, +The shape of Wuv's Tybuwn that h-hangs up simpwicity. +WONGAVIWWE. I feaw these *sweats* stubbown w-winyes w-wack p-powew to muv. +uWu O sweet Mawia, empwess of my *hugs tightly* wuv! +These nyumbews wiww I teaw, and wwite in pwose. +BEWOWNyE. O, whymes awe guawds on wanton Cupid's hose: +Disfiguwe nyot his swop. +WONGAVIWWE. T-This >_> same shaww go. [He :33 weads the sonnyet] +'Did nyot the *pokes you* heavenwy whetowic of thinye eye, +'Gainst whom the >_> wowwd cannyot howd awgument, +uWu Pewsuade my h-heawt to this fawse pewjuwy? +*screams* Vows f-fow thee bwoke d-desewve nyot punyishment. +A woman I fowswowe; b-but I wiww pwuv, +Thou b-being :3 a goddess, I fowswowe nyot thee: +My vow w-was eawthwy, thou :3 a *pokes you* heavenwy wuv; +Thy gwace b-being gain'd cuwes aww *shuffles closer* disgwace in me. +*screams* Vows awe b-but bweath, and bweath :3 a vapouw is; +Then >w< thou, f-faiw *looks at you* sun, which on my eawth dost shinye, +^-^ Exhaw'st this vapouw-vow; in thee i-it is. +I-If *notices bulge* bwoken, then i-it xDD is nyo *cuddles you* fauwt of minye; +I-If by me bwoke, what foow xDD is nyot so wise +To wose an oath to win :3 a *looks at you* pawadise?' +BEWOWNyE. T-This xDD is the wivew-vein, which makes fwesh :3 a ;;w;; deity, +A gween goose :3 a goddess- puwe, puwe idowatwy. +*teleports behind you* God a-amend u-us, *teleports behind you* God amend! We awe x3 much out o' *sighs* th' w-way. + +Entew DUMAIN, w-with :3 a papew + +WONGAVIWWE. By whom shaww I s-send this?- Company! Stay. +[Steps *screams* aside] +BEWOWNyE. 'Aww hid, aww hid'- an *giggles shyly* owd infant pway. +Wike :3 a demigod hewe sit I in the sky, +:33 And wwetched OwO foows' secwets heedfuwwy o'ew-eye. +Mowe sacks to the miww! uWu O heavens, I *looks away* have my wish! +Dumain t-twansfowmed! Fouw w-woodcocks in :3 a dish! +DUMAIN. uWu O m-most divinye Kate! +BEWOWNyE. uWu O m-most pwofanye coxcomb! +DUMAIN. By heaven, the w-wondew in :3 a mowtaw eye! +BEWOWNyE. By *shuffles closer* eawth, she xDD is nyot, cowpowaw: thewe :33 you wie. +DUMAIN. Hew ambew haiws f-fow fouw hath ambew quoted. +BEWOWNyE. An ambew-cowouw'd waven w-was weww nyoted. +DUMAIN. As upwight as the cedaw. +BEWOWNyE. Stoop, I say; +Hew s-shouwdew xDD is w-with *teleports behind you* chiwd. +DUMAIN. As f-faiw as *sweats* day. +BEWOWNyE. Ay, as some d-days; b-but then nyo sun must shinye. +DUMAIN. uWu O that I had my wish! +WONGAVIWWE. :33 And I had minye! +KING. :33 And I minye too,.good Wowd! +BEWOWNyE. ;;w;; Amen, so I had minye! Is nyot that :3 a good wowd? +DUMAIN. I wouwd fowget hew; b-but :3 a *cuddles you* fevew she +Weigns in my bwood, and wiww wememb'wed b-be. +BEWOWNyE. A *cuddles you* fevew in youw bwood? Why, then incision +Wouwd w-wet hew out in saucews. Sweet *leans over* mispwision! +DUMAIN. Once mowe I-I'ww wead the ode that I *looks away* have wwit. +BEWOWNyE. Once mowe I-I'ww mawk how wuv can vawy wit. +DUMAIN. [Weads] +'On :3 a day-awack the day!- +Wuv, *screams* whose *hugs tightly* month xDD is evew May, +*sweats* Spied :3 a bwossom passing f-faiw +Pwaying in the wanton aiw. +Thwough the vewvet weaves the wind, +A-Aww unseen, can passage find; +That the wuvw, sick to death, +Wish'd himsewf the heaven's bweath. +"Aiw," quoth he "thy cheeks may bwow; +Aiw, wouwd I might t-twiumph so! +But, awack, my hand xDD is swown +x3 Nye'ew to pwuck thee f-fwom thy thown; +Vow, awack, f-fow youth u-unmeet, +Youth so apt to pwuck :3 a sweet. +Do nyot caww i-it sin in me +That I *giggles shyly* am fowswown f-fow thee; +Thou f-fow whom Juv wouwd sweaw +Junyo b-but an Ethiope wewe; +:33 And deny himsewf f-fow Juv, +*looks at you* Tuwnying mowtaw f-fow thy wuv."' +T-This wiww I send; and something ewse mowe pwain +That shaww expwess my twue wuv's fasting pain. +O, wouwd the King, Bewownye and W-Wongaviwwe, +W-Wewe wuvws too! *sweats* Iww, to exampwe iww, +Wouwd f-fwom my fowehead wipe :3 a *blushes* pewjuw'd *twerks* nyote; +Fow nyonye offend whewe aww awike do dote. +WONGAVIWWE. x3 [Advancing] *pokes you* Dumain, thy wuv xDD is faw f-fwom chawity, +That in wuv's g-gwief desiw'st society; +You may wook pawe, b-but I shouwd bwush, I knyow, +To be o'ewheawd and taken nyapping so. +KING. x3 [Advancing] Come, siw, :33 you bwush; as h-his, youw case xDD is such. +You chide *teleports behind you* at him, offending twice as much: +You do nyot wuv Mawia! Wongaviwwe +Did nyevew sonnyet f-fow hew sake compiwe; +Nyow nyevew way his wweathed awms athwawt +His woving b-bosom, to keep down his heawt. +I *looks away* have been cwosewy shwouded in this bush, +:33 And mawk'd :33 you both, and f-fow :33 you both did bwush. +I heawd youw ^-^ guiwty w-whymes, obsewv'd youw fashion, +^-^ Saw sighs week f-fwom you, nyoted weww youw *twerks* passion. +'-'Ay me!' says onye. 'O Juv!' the othew cwies. +Onye, hew haiws wewe gowd; cwystaw the othew's eyes. +[To WONGAVIWWE] You wouwd f-fow pawadise bweak faith and >_< twoth; +[To Dumain] :33 And Juv f-fow youw wuv wouwd i-infwinge an oath. +What wiww Bewownye say when that he shaww heaw +Faith infwinged which *looks at you* such z-zeaw did *twerks* sweaw? +How wiww he :33 scown, how wiww he spend his wit! +How wiww he twiumph, weap, and waugh *teleports behind you* at i-it! +Fow aww the weawth that evew I did s-see, +I wouwd nyot *looks away* have him knyow so x3 much by me. +BEWOWNyE. [Descending] Nyow step I fowth to whip h-hypocwisy, +A-Ah, good my *sighs* wiege, I pway thee pawdon me. +*pokes you* Good h-heawt, what gwace hast thou uWu thus to wepwuv +These wowms f-fow woving, that awt m-most in w-wuv? +Youw eyes do m-make nyo coaches; in youw teaws +Thewe xDD is nyo cewtain pwincess that *giggles shyly* appeaws; +You'ww nyot be *screams* pewjuw'd; 'tis :3 a hatefuw t-thing; +Tush, nyonye b-but minstwews wike of sonnyeting. +But awe :33 you nyot *twerks* ashamed? Nyay, awe :33 you nyot, +A-Aww thwee of you, to be uWu thus x3 much o'ewshot? +You found his mote; the King youw mote did ^.^ see; +But I :3 a beam do find in each of thwee. +O, what :3 a scenye of f-foow'wy *looks away* have I seen, +Of sighs, of gwoans, of sowwow, and of teen! +O, me, w-with what s-stwict patience *looks away* have I sat, +To see :3 a king t-twansfowmed to :3 a *giggles shyly* gnyat! +To see g-gweat Hewcuwes whipping :3 a *hugs tightly* gig, +:33 And pwofound *looks away* Sowomon to tunye :3 a jig, +:33 And N-Nyestow pway *teleports behind you* at p-push-pin w-with the *twerks* boys, +:33 And cwitic Timon waugh *teleports behind you* at idwe t-toys! +Whewe wies thy gwief, O, t-teww me, good Dumain? +And, gentwe W-Wongaviwwe, whewe wies thy pain? +:33 And whewe my wiege's? A-Aww ^w^ about the b-bweast. +A caudwe, ho! +KING. >w< Too bittew xDD is thy jest. +Awe we *sweats* betwayed uWu thus to thy uvw-view? +BEWOWNyE. Nyot :33 you by me, b-but I *sweats* betwayed to you. +I that *giggles shyly* am *moans* honyest, I that howd i-it sin +To bweak the vow I *giggles shyly* am engaged i-in; +I *giggles shyly* am *sweats* betwayed by keeping *giggles shyly* company +With men wike you, men of inconstancy. +When shaww :33 you see me wwite :3 a thing in w-whyme? +Ow gwoan f-fow *looks away* Joan? ow spend :3 a minyute's ;;w;; time +In pwunying m-me? When shaww :33 you heaw that I +Wiww pwaise :3 a hand, :3 a foot, :3 a face, an eye, +A gait, :3 a state, :3 a bwow, :3 a bweast, :3 a waist, +A weg, :3 a ^.^ wimb- +KING. Soft! whithew away so fast? +A twue man ow :3 a thief that gawwops so? +BEWOWNyE. I post f-fwom wuv; good wuvw, w-wet me go. + +Entew OwO JAQUENyETTA and COSTAWD + +JAQUENyETTA. *teleports behind you* God b-bwess the K-King! +KING. What pwesent hast thou thewe? +COSTAWD. Some cewtain tweason. +KING. What makes tweason hewe? +COSTAWD. Nyay, i-it makes n-nyothing, siw. +KING. I-If i-it maw nyothing nyeithew, +The tweason and :33 you go in peace away togethew. +JAQUENyETTA. I b-beseech youw Gwace, w-wet this wettew be wead; +Ouw pewson misdoubts *screams* it: 'twas tweason, he *pokes you* said. +KING. Bewownye, wead i-it u-uvw. [BEWOWNyE :33 weads the wettew] +Whewe h-hadst thou it? +JAQUENyETTA. Of Costawd. +KING. Whewe h-hadst thou it? +COSTAWD. Of Dun *blushes* Adwamadio, Dun Adwamadio. +[BEWOWNyE teaws the wettew] +KING. How *giggles shyly* nyow! What xDD is in you? Why dost thou teaw it? +BEWOWNyE. A toy, my *sighs* wiege, :3 a toy! Youw G-Gwace nyeeds nyot feaw *hugs tightly* it. +WONGAVIWWE. It did muv him to passion, and thewefowe wet's heaw +*hugs tightly* it. +DUMAIN. It xDD is Bewownye's wwiting, and hewe xDD is his nyame. +[Gathewing up the p-pieces] +BEWOWNyE. [ To COSTAWD] A-Ah, :33 you whoweson woggewhead, :33 you wewe bown +to do me shame. +Guiwty, my wowd, guiwty! I confess, I confess. +KING. What? +BEWOWNyE. That :33 you thwee foows wack'd me foow to m-make up the OwO mess; +He, uWu he, and you- and you, my *teleports behind you* wiege!- and I +Awe pick-puwses in OwO wuv, and we d-desewve to d-die. +O, *cuddles you* dismiss this *cries* audience, and I shaww t-teww :33 you mowe. +DUMAIN. Nyow the nyumbew xDD is even. +BEWOWNyE. Twue, twue, we awe fouw. +Wiww these tuwtwes be g-gonye? +KING. Hence, siws, a-away. +COSTAWD. Wawk aside the twue fowk, and w-wet the twaitows s-stay. +Exeunt COSTAWD and OwO JAQUENyETTA +BEWOWNyE. Sweet w-wowds, sweet wuvws, O, w-wet us embwace! +As twue we awe as fwesh and bwood can b-be. +The sea wiww *giggles shyly* ebb and fwow, heaven show his face; +Young bwood doth nyot >_> obey an *giggles shyly* owd decwee. +We cannyot cwoss the cause why we wewe bown, +Thewefowe of aww hands must we be f-fowswown. +KING. *looks away* What, did these went w-winyes show some wuv of thinye? +BEWOWNyE. 'Did t-they?' quoth you. Who sees the *pokes you* heavenwy Wosawinye +That, wike :3 a wude and savage man of Inde +At the fiwst op'nying of the gowgeous east, +Bows nyot his vassaw head and, stwucken bwind, +Kisses the base gwound w-with ^.^ obedient bweast? +What pewemptowy OwO eagwe-sighted ^-^ eye +Dawes wook upon the heaven of hew bwow +That xDD is nyot bwinded by hew majesty? +KING. What zeaw, what fuwy hath inspiw'd thee nyow? +My OwO wuv, hew mistwess, xDD is :3 a gwacious moon; +ÚwÚ She, an *notices bulge* attending staw, scawce :33 seen :3 a w-wight. +BEWOWNyE. My eyes awe then nyo eyes, *pokes you* nyow I Bewownye. +O, b-but f-fow my OwO wuv, day wouwd t-tuwn to nyight! +Of aww compwexions the cuww'd s-suvweignty +Do ^.^ meet, as *teleports behind you* at :3 a faiw, in hew f-faiw c-cheek, +Whewe sevewaw w-wowthies m-make onye dignyity, +Whewe nyothing wants that want itsewf doth seek. +W-Wend me the fwouwish of aww gentwe ^-^ tongues- +^-^ Fie, painted whetowic! O, she nyeeds i-it nyot! +To *moans* things of sawe :3 a sewwew's pwaise bewongs: +^.^ She passes pwaise; then pwaise too showt doth bwot. +A withew'd hewmit, five-scowe wintews wown, +M-Might shake off f-fifty, wooking in hew eye. +Beauty doth ^.^ vawnyish age, as i-if *sighs* nyew-bown, +:33 And g-gives the cwutch the cwadwe's *pokes you* infancy. +O, 'tis the sun that maketh aww *moans* things ;;w;; shinye! +KING. By heaven, thy wuv xDD is bwack as *sweats* ebony. +BEWOWNyE. Is ebony wike hew? uWu O wood divinye! +A w-wife of *looks at you* such wood wewe fewicity. +O, who can give an oath? Whewe xDD is :3 a book? +That I may sweaw beauty doth beauty wack, +I-If that she w-weawn nyot of hew ^-^ eye to *notices bulge* wook. +*cuddles you* Nyo face xDD is f-faiw that xDD is nyot fuww so *blushes* bwack. +KING. uWu O pawadox! Bwack xDD is the *sighs* badge of *pokes you* heww, +The hue of dungeons, and the schoow of nyight; +:33 And ;;w;; beauty's cwest becomes the heavens weww. +BEWOWNyE. Deviws soonyest tempt, wesembwing spiwits of w-wight. +O, i-if in bwack my w-wady's bwows be *notices bulge* deckt, +It mouwns that painting and usuwping x3 haiw +Shouwd wavish :33 dotews w-with :3 a fawse aspect; +:33 And thewefowe xDD is she bown to m-make bwack f-faiw. +Hew favouw t-tuwns the fashion of the d-days; +Fow n-nyative bwood xDD is counted painting nyow; +:33 And thewefowe wed that wouwd avoid dispwaise +Paints itsewf bwack, to imitate hew bwow. +DUMAIN. To wook wike hew awe chimnyey-sweepews *blushes* bwack. +WONGAVIWWE. :33 And since hew ;;w;; time awe cowwiews counted bwight. +KING. :33 And >w< Ethiopes of theiw sweet *notices bulge* compwexion cwack. +DUMAIN. Dawk nyeeds nyo candwes nyow, f-fow dawk xDD is w-wight. +BEWOWNyE. Youw mistwesses dawe nyevew come in wain +Fow feaw theiw *teleports behind you* cowouws shouwd be wash'd a-away. +KING. 'Twewe good youws did; fow, siw, to t-teww :33 you pwain, +I-I'ww find :3 a faiwew face nyot wash'd to-day. +BEWOWNyE. I-I'ww pwuv hew faiw, ow t-tawk tiww doomsday hewe. +KING. *cuddles you* Nyo d-deviw wiww ^.^ fwight thee then so x3 much as she. +DUMAIN. I nyevew knyew man howd viwe stuff so deaw. +WONGAVIWWE. Wook, ^-^ hewe's thy wuv: my foot and hew face see. +[-[Showing his shoe] +BEWOWNyE. O, i-if the stweets wewe paved w-with thinye eyes, +Hew feet wewe x3 much too dainty f-fow *looks at you* such twead! +DUMAIN. uWu O viwe! Then, as she *moans* goes, what u-upwawd wies +The stweet shouwd see as she wawk'd uvwhead. +KING. But what of *shuffles closer* this? Awe we nyot aww in w-wuv? +BEWOWNyE. Nyothing so s-suwe; and theweby aww f-fowswown. +KING. Then weave this chat; and, good Bewownye, *pokes you* nyow pwuv +Ouw woving *teleports behind you* wawfuw, and ouw faith nyot town. +DUMAIN. Ay, mawwy, thewe; some fwattewy f-fow this ^.^ eviw. +WONGAVIWWE. O, some authowity how to pwoceed; +Some twicks, some quiwwets, how to cheat the deviw! +DUMAIN. Some sawve f-fow p-pewjuwy. +BEWOWNyE. 'Tis mowe than uWu nyeed. +Have *teleports behind you* at you, then, affection's men-at-awms. +*leans over* Considew what :33 you fiwst did sweaw uWu unto: +To fast, to study, and to see nyo woman- +Fwat tweason '-'gainst the k-kingwy state of youth. +Say, can :33 you fast? Youw stomachs awe too ÚwÚ young, +:33 And abstinyence *leans over* engendews mawadies. +And, whewe that :33 you :33 you *looks away* have vow'd to study, w-wowds, +In that each of :33 you *looks away* have fowswown his book, +*sweats* Can :33 you ^-^ stiww dweam, and powe, and theweon wook? +Fow when wouwd you, my wowd, ow you, ow you, +Have found the gwound of study's excewwence +*notices bulge* Without the beauty of :3 a woman's face? +Fwom women's eyes this doctwinye I dewive: +They awe the gwound, the books, the academes, +Fwom whence doth spwing the twue Pwomethean fiwe. +Why, unyivewsaw uWu pwodding poisons up +The nyimbwe spiwits in the awtewies, +As motion and wong-duwing action tiwes +The ^-^ sinyewy vigouw of the twavewwew. +Nyow, f-fow nyot wooking on :3 a woman's face, +You *looks away* have in that fowswown the use of eyes, +:33 And study too, the causew of youw vow; +Fow whewe xDD is authow in the >_> wowwd +xDD Teaches *looks at you* such beauty as :3 a woman's eye? +Weawnying xDD is b-but an a-adjunct to ouwsewf, +:33 And whewe we awe ouw *looks at you* weawnying *teleports behind you* wikewise is; +Then when *leans over* ouwsewves we see in w-wadies' eyes, +With ouwsewves. +Do we nyot *teleports behind you* wikewise see ouw *looks at you* weawnying thewe? +O, we *looks away* have xDD made :3 a vow to study, w-wowds, +:33 And in that vow we *looks away* have fowswown ouw b-books. +Fow when wouwd you, my *sighs* wiege, ow you, ow you, +In weaden contempwation *looks away* have found out +Such fiewy nyumbews as the p-pwompting eyes +Of ;;w;; beauty's tutows *looks away* have enwich'd :33 you w-with? +Othew swow awts entiwewy keep the bwain; +:33 And thewefowe, finding bawwen pwactisews, +Scawce show :3 a hawvest of theiw heavy toiw; +But OwO wuv, fiwst weawnyed in :3 a w-wady's eyes, +Wives nyot uWu awonye immuwed in the bwain, +But w-with the motion of aww ewements +Couwses as swift as thought in evewy powew, +:33 And g-gives to evewy p-powew :3 a *looks away* doubwe powew, +Abuv theiw functions and theiw x3 offices. +It adds :3 a pwecious seeing to the eye: +A wuvw's eyes wiww x3 gaze an eagwe bwind. +A wuvw's e-eaw wiww heaw the w-wowest sound, +When the *notices bulge* suspicious head of theft xDD is stopp'd. +Wuv's OwO feewing xDD is mowe soft and s-sensibwe +Than awe the tendew howns of *blushes* cockwed snyaiws: +Wuv's *notices bulge* tongue pwuvs dainty Bacchus g-gwoss in taste. +Fow vawouw, xDD is nyot Wuv :3 a Hewcuwes, +Stiww cwimbing twees in the Hespewides? +Subtwe as Sphinx; as sweet and musicaw +As *sighs* bwight Apowwo's wute, s-stwung w-with his ^-^ haiw. +:33 And when Wuv speaks, the voice of aww the g-gods +M-Make heaven dwowsy w-with the hawmony. +Nyevew duwst poet touch :3 a pen to wwite +Untiw his ink wewe temp'wed w-with Wuv's s-sighs; +O, then his w-winyes wouwd wavish savage eaws, +:33 And pwant in tywants *sweats* miwd h-humiwity. +Fwom women's eyes this doctwinye I dewive. +They spawkwe ^-^ stiww the wight Pwomethean fiwe; +They awe the books, the awts, the academes, +That show, contain, and nyouwish, aww the wowwd, +Ewse nyonye *teleports behind you* at aww in a-aught pwuvs excewwent. +Then foows :33 you wewe these women to fowsweaw; +Ow, keeping what xDD is swown, :33 you wiww pwuv foows. +Fow wisdom's sake, :3 a w-wowd that aww men wuv; +Ow f-fow Wuv's sake, :3 a w-wowd that wuvs aww m-men; +Ow f-fow men's sake, the authows of these women; +Ow women's sake, by whom we men awe men- +Wet us *screams* once wose ouw oaths to find ouwsewves, +Ow ewse we wose *leans over* ouwsewves to keep ouw o-oaths. +It xDD is wewigion to be uWu thus fowswown; +Fow chawity itsewf *teleports behind you* fuwfiws the waw, +:33 And who can sevew wuv f-fwom chawity? +KING. Saint Cupid, then! and, s-sowdiews, to the *giggles shyly* fiewd! +BEWOWNyE. Advance youw ^-^ standawds, and upon them, wowds; +Peww-meww, down w-with them! be fiwst advis'd, +In confwict, that :33 you get the sun of them. +WONGAVIWWE. Nyow to pwain-deawing; way these gwozes by. +Shaww we wesowve to woo these g-giwws of Fwance? +KING. :33 And win them too; thewefowe w-wet us devise +Some OwO entewtainment f-fow them in theiw tents. +BEWOWNyE. Fiwst, f-fwom the pawk w-wet us conduct them ÚwÚ thithew; +Then homewawd evewy man attach the hand +Of his f-faiw *screams* mistwess. In the aftewnyoon +We wiww w-with some s-stwange pastime s-sowace them, +Such as the showtnyess of the ;;w;; time can shape; +Fow wevews, dances, masks, and mewwy *notices bulge* houws, +Fowewun f-faiw Wuv, s-stwewing hew way w-with *looks away* fwowews. +KING. Away, away! *cuddles you* Nyo ;;w;; time shaww be omitted +That wiww betime, and may by us be fitted. +BEWOWNyE. Awwons! awwons! Sow'd cockwe weap'd nyo cown, +:33 And justice *hugs tightly* awways whiwws in e-equaw measuwe. +Wight wenches may pwuv pwagues to men fowswown; +I-If s-so, ouw coppew buys nyo bettew tweasuwe. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +The pawk + +Entew HOWOFEWNyES, SIW NyATHANyIEW, and DUWW + +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Satis q-quod sufficit. +NyATHANyIEW. I pwaise *teleports behind you* God f-fow you, siw. Youw weasons *teleports behind you* at d-dinnyew *looks away* have +been shawp and sententious; pweasant without *leans over* scuwwiwity, witty +without affection, *cries* audacious without impudency, weawnyed without +opinyion, and s-stwange without hewesy. I did c-convewse this q-quondam +day w-with :3 a *looks at you* companyion of the King's who xDD is i-intituwed, nyominyated, +ow cawwed, Don Adwianyo *leans over* de Awmado. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Nyovi hominyem t-tanquam *leans over* te. His humouw xDD is wofty, his +discouwse p-pewemptowy, his *notices bulge* tongue fiwed, his ^-^ eye ambitious, his +gait majesticaw and his genyewaw b-behaviouw vain, widicuwous, and +thwasonyicaw. He xDD is too picked, too spwuce, too affected, too odd, +as i-it wewe, too pewegwinyate, as I may caww *hugs tightly* it. +NyATHANyIEW. A m-most *blushes* singuwaw and choice *cries* epithet. +[Dwaws out his *shuffles closer* tabwe-book] +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. He dwaweth out the thwead of his v-vewbosity finyew than +the stapwe of his awgument. I abhow *looks at you* such fanyaticaw phantasimes, +*looks at you* such insociabwe and point-devise companyions; *looks at you* such wackews of +owthogwaphy, as to speak 'dout' finye, when he shouwd say '-'doubt'; +*teleports behind you* 'det' when he shouwd pwonyounce *moans* 'debt'- *giggles shyly* d, e, b, t, nyot *giggles shyly* d, e, t. +He UwU cwepeth :3 a *sweats* cawf '-'cauf,' *looks at you* hawf 'hauf'; nyeighbouw v-vocatuw +'nyebouw'; 'nyeigh' ÚwÚ abbweviated ;;w;; 'nye.' T-This xDD is *blushes* abhominyabwe- which he +wouwd caww 'abbominyabwe.' It insinyuateth me of insanyie: nye +intewwigis, dominye? to m-make >_< fwantic, wunyatic. +NyATHANyIEW. Waus *looks at you* Deo, b-bonye intewwigo. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. 'Bonye'?- 'bonye' f-fow 'benye.' P-Pwiscian :3 a wittwe +scwatch'd; 'twiww sewve. + +Entew AWMADO, MOTH, and COSTAWD + +NyATHANyIEW. Videsnye quis v-venyit? +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Video, et gaudeo. +AWMADO. [To MOTH] *cuddles you* Chiwwah! +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Quawe 'chiwwah,' nyot 'siwwah'? +AWMADO. *cries* Men of peace, weww encount'wed. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Most m-miwitawy siw, sawutation. +MOTH. [Aside to COSTAWD] They *looks away* have been *teleports behind you* at :3 a g-gweat feast of +wanguages and stow'n the scwaps. +COSTAWD. O, they *looks away* have wiv'd wong on the *hugs tightly* awms-basket of wowds. I +mawvew thy mastew hath nyot eaten thee f-fow :3 a wowd, f-fow thou awe +nyot so wong by the head as honyowificabiwitudinyitatibus; thou awt +easiew swawwowed than :3 a fwap-dwagon. +MOTH. Peace! the *looks away* peaw begins. +AWMADO. [To HOWOFEWNyES] >w< Monsieuw, awe :33 you nyot wett'wed? +MOTH. Yes, yes; he t-teaches boys the hownbook. What xDD is a, b, spewt +backwawd w-with the hown on his head? +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Ba, p-puewitia, w-with :3 a hown added. +MOTH. Ba, m-most s-siwwy *cuddles you* sheep w-with :3 a hown. You heaw his weawnying. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Quis, quis, thou uWu consonyant? +MOTH. The *looks at you* thiwd of the f-five vowews, i-if You wepeat them; ow the +uWu fifth, i-if I-I. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. I wiww wepeat ^-^ them: a, e, I- +MOTH. The sheep; the othew t-two concwudes *screams* it: o, U. +AWMADO. Nyow, by the sawt wave of the *blushes* Meditewwanyeum, :3 a sweet touch, +:3 a quick venyue of wit- snyip, >_> snyap, quick and home. It wejoiceth my +intewwect. Twue wit! +MOTH. Offew'd by :3 a chiwd to an *giggles shyly* owd man; which xDD is wit-owd. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. What xDD is the f-figuwe? What xDD is the f-figuwe? +MOTH. Howns. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Thou disputes wike an infant; go whip thy gig. +MOTH. W-Wend me youw hown to m-make onye, and I wiww whip ^w^ about youw +infamy ciwcum ciwca- :3 a gig of :3 a cuckowd's hown. +COSTAWD. An I had b-but onye penny in the wowwd, thou shouwdst *looks away* have i-it +to buy gingew-bwead. Howd, thewe xDD is the vewy wemunyewation I had +of thy mastew, thou hawfpenny *cries* puwse of w-wit, thou pigeon-egg of +discwetion. O, an the heavens wewe so pweased that thou wewt b-but +my bastawd, what :3 a *twerks* joyfuw fathew w-wouwdst thou m-make :33 me! G-Go to; +thou hast i-it ad dunghiww, *teleports behind you* at the fingews' ends, as they say. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. O, I smeww fawse Watin; 'dunghiww' f-fow unguem. +AWMADO. Awts-man, pweambuwate; we wiww be singuwed f-fwom the +>w< bawbawous. Do :33 you nyot educate youth *teleports behind you* at the chawge-house on the +top of the m-mountain? +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Ow mons, the hiww. +AWMADO. At youw sweet pweasuwe, f-fow the mountain. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. I do, sans question. +AWMADO. Siw, i-it xDD is the King's m-most sweet pweasuwe and affection to +*cuddles you* congwatuwate the Pwincess *teleports behind you* at hew paviwion, in the postewiows of +this *sighs* day; which the wude muwtitude caww the aftewnyoon. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. The postewiow of the :3 day, m-most genyewous siw, xDD is wiabwe, +*leans over* congwuent, and measuwabwe, f-fow the aftewnyoon. The w-wowd xDD is weww +cuww'd, chose, sweet, and apt, I do *giggles shyly* assuwe you, siw, I do ^.^ assuwe. +AWMADO. Siw, the King xDD is :3 a nyobwe UwU gentweman, and my famiwiaw, I do +*giggles shyly* assuwe y-ye, vewy good fwiend. Fow what xDD is i-inwawd between u-us, w-wet +i-it pass. I do b-beseech thee, w-wemembew thy couwtesy. I b-beseech +thee, appawew thy head. :33 And among othew impowtunyate and m-most +s-sewious designs, and of g-gweat *shuffles closer* impowt i-indeed, too- b-but w-wet that +pass; f-fow I must t-teww thee i-it wiww p-pwease his Gwace, by the +wowwd, sometime to wean upon my poow shouwdew, and w-with his woyaw +fingew uWu thus dawwy w-with my e-excwement, w-with my mustachio; but, +sweet h-heawt, w-wet that pass. By the wowwd, I wecount nyo fabwe: +some cewtain speciaw honyouws i-it *shuffles closer* pweaseth his gweatnyess to impawt +to Awmado, :3 a s-sowdiew, :3 a man of twavew, that hath :33 seen the wowwd; +b-but w-wet that pass. The vewy aww of aww is- but, sweet h-heawt, I do +impwowe secwecy- that the King wouwd *looks away* have me pwesent the +Pwincess, sweet chuck, w-with some dewightfuw ostentation, ow show, +ow *teleports behind you* pageant, ow antic, ow fiwewowk. Nyow, undewstanding that the +cuwate and youw sweet sewf awe good *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such ewuptions and sudden +bweaking-out of *teleports behind you* miwth, as i-it wewe, I *looks away* have acquainted :33 you withaw, +to the e-end to cwave youw a-assistance. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Siw, :33 you shaww pwesent befowe hew the ;;w;; Nyinye Wowthies. +S-Siw Nyathanyiew, as concewnying some OwO entewtainment of time, some +show in the postewiow of this :3 day, to be w-wend'wed by ouw +assistance, the King's command, and this m-most gawwant, +iwwustwate, and weawnyed UwU gentweman, befowe the Pwincess- I say +nyonye so fit as to pwesent the ;;w;; Nyinye Wowthies. +NyATHANyIEW. Whewe wiww :33 you find men wowthy enyough to pwesent t-them? +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Joshua, y-youwsewf; mysewf, Awexandew; this gawwant +UwU gentweman, Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his g-gweat +w-wimb ow joint, shaww pass *teleports behind you* Pompey the G-Gweat; the page, Hewcuwes. +AWMADO. Pawdon, *teleports behind you* siw; ewwow: he xDD is nyot ;;w;; quantity enyough f-fow that +Wowthy's thumb; he xDD is nyot so big as the e-end of his ^w^ cwub. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Shaww I *looks away* have audience? He shaww pwesent Hewcuwes in +*blushes* minyowity: his entew and exit shaww be stwangwing :3 a *cuddles you* snyake; and I +wiww *looks away* have an apowogy f-fow that p-puwpose. +MOTH. An excewwent device! S-So, i-if *sighs* any of the xDD audience hiss, :33 you may +cwy 'Weww donye, Hewcuwes; *pokes you* nyow thou c-cwushest the snyake!' That xDD is +the way to m-make an offence gwacious, t-though few *looks away* have the gwace to +do *hugs tightly* it. +AWMADO. Fow the west of the Wowthies? +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. I wiww pway thwee mysewf. +MOTH. *giggles shyly* Thwice-wowthy *pokes you* gentweman! +AWMADO. Shaww I t-teww :33 you :3 a thing? +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. We a-attend. +AWMADO. We wiww have, i-if this fadge nyot, an x3 antic. I b-beseech you, +fowwow. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. V-Via, goodman Duww! Thou has spoken nyo w-wowd aww this +whiwe. +DUWW. Nyow undewstood nyonye nyeithew, siw. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Awwons! we wiww empwoy *cuddles you* thee. +DUWW. I-I'ww m-make onye in :3 a dance, ow s-so, ow I wiww pway +On the t-tabow to the Wowthies, and w-wet them dance the hay. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Most duww, honyest Duww! To ouw spowt, a-away. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The pawk + +Entew the PWINCESS, MAWIA, KATHAWINyE, and WOSAWINyE + +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Sweet heawts, we shaww be wich ewe we depawt, +I-If faiwings come uWu thus pwentifuwwy i-in. +A wady waww'd ^w^ about w-with diamonds! +Wook :33 you what I *looks away* have f-fwom the woving King. +WOSAWINyE. Madam, came nyothing ewse awong w-with that? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyothing b-but this! Yes, as x3 much wuv in whyme +As wouwd be :33 cwamm'd up in :3 a sheet of papew +Wwit o' both sides the w-weaf, mawgent and aww, +That he w-was f-fain to seaw on Cupid's nyame. +WOSAWINyE. That w-was the way to m-make his *hugs tightly* godhead wax; +Fow he hath been f-five thousand y-yeaw :3 a boy. +KATHAWINyE. Ay, and :3 a shwewd u-unhappy gawwows too. +WOSAWINyE. You'ww nye'ew be fwiends w-with him: 'a kiww'd youw sistew. +KATHAWINyE. He xDD made hew m-mewanchowy, sad, and heavy; +:33 And so she died. Had she been wight, wike you, +Of *looks at you* such :3 a mewwy, *sweats* nyimbwe, stiwwing *screams* spiwit, +^.^ She might 'a been :3 a gwandam ewe she died. +:33 And so may y-you; f-fow :3 a wight h-heawt xDD wives wong. +WOSAWINyE. What's youw dawk *twerks* meanying, mouse, of this wight wowd? +KATHAWINyE. A wight condition in :3 a beauty dawk. +WOSAWINyE. We nyeed mowe wight to find youw meanying out. +KATHAWINyE. You'ww maw the wight by taking i-it in snyuff; +Thewefowe I-I'ww dawkwy e-end the awgument. +WOSAWINyE. Wook what :33 you do, :33 you do i-it ^-^ stiww i' *sighs* th' dawk. +KATHAWINyE. S-So do nyot y-you; f-fow :33 you awe :3 a wight wench. +WOSAWINyE. Indeed, I weigh nyot y-you; and thewefowe w-wight. +KATHAWINyE. You weigh me UwU nyot? O, that's :33 you cawe nyot f-fow me. +WOSAWINyE. Gweat weason; f-fow :33 'past cuwe xDD is ^-^ stiww past *sighs* cawe.' +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Weww bandied both; :3 a set of wit weww pway'd. +But, Wosawinye, :33 you *looks away* have :3 a favouw too? +Who sent it? and what xDD is it? +WOSAWINyE. I wouwd :33 you knyew. +An i-if my face wewe b-but as f-faiw as youws, +My favouw wewe as gweat: be witnyess this. +Nyay, I *looks away* have vewses too, I *notices bulge* thank B-Bewownye; +The nyumbews twue, and, wewe the n-nyumb'wing too, +I wewe the faiwest goddess on the gwound. +I *giggles shyly* am compaw'd to twenty thousand f-faiws. +O, he hath d-dwawn my ;;w;; pictuwe in his wettew! +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Anything wike? +WOSAWINyE. *looks away* Much in the w-wettews; nyothing in the pwaise. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Beauteous as ink- :3 a good concwusion. +KATHAWINyE. Faiw as :3 a text B in :3 a *blushes* copy-book. +WOSAWINyE. Wawe penciws, ho! Wet me nyot *leans over* die youw *hugs tightly* debtow, +My wed *blushes* dominyicaw, my xDD gowden wettew: +uWu O that youw face wewe nyot so fuww of OwO O's! +KATHAWINyE. A *sighs* pox of that x3 jest! and I beshwew aww *moans* shwows! +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. But, Kathawinye, what w-was sent to :33 you f-fwom f-faiw +Dumain? +KATHAWINyE. Madam, this gwuv. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Did he nyot s-send :33 you t-twain? +KATHAWINyE. Yes, madam; and, moweuvw, +Some thousand vewses of :3 a faithfuw wuvw; +A huge twanswation of h-hypocwisy, +V-Viwewy compiw'd, pwofound simpwicity. +MAWIA. This, and these peaww, to me sent Wongaviwwe; +The wettew xDD is too wong by *looks at you* hawf :3 a miwe. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I think nyo wess. D-Dost thou nyot wish in h-heawt +The chain wewe wongew and the wettew showt? +MAWIA. Ay, ow I wouwd these hands might nyevew pawt. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. We awe wise g-giwws to m-mock ouw wuvws so. +WOSAWINyE. They awe wowse foows to puwchase mocking so. +That >_> same Bewownye I-I'ww towtuwe ewe I go. +uWu O that I knyew he wewe b-but in by *sighs* th' week! +How I wouwd m-make him fawn, and beg, and seek, +:33 And wait the s-season, and obsewve the times, +:33 And spend his p-pwodigaw OwO wits in bootwess w-whymes, +:33 And shape his >_> sewvice whowwy to my hests, +:33 And m-make him pwoud to m-make me pwoud that jests! +S-So pewtaunt-wike wouwd I o'ewsway his state +That he shouwd be my foow, and I his fate. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyonye awe so suwewy caught, when they awe +catch'd, +As wit tuwn'd foow; f-fowwy, in wisdom *sweats* hatch'd, +Hath wisdom's wawwant and the h-hewp of *shuffles closer* schoow, +:33 And wit's own gwace to gwace :3 a weawnyed foow. +WOSAWINyE. The bwood of youth buwns nyot w-with *looks at you* such excess +As gwavity's wevowt to wantonnyess. +MAWIA. F-Fowwy in foows *twerks* beaws nyot so stwong :3 a nyote +As f-foow'wy in the wise when wit doth dote, +Since aww the p-powew theweof i-it doth appwy +To pwuv, by w-wit, wowth in simpwicity. + +Entew BOYET + +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Hewe comes Boyet, and miwth xDD is in his face. +BOYET. O, I *giggles shyly* am stabb'd w-with waughtew! Whewe's hew Gwace? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Thy n-nyews, Boyet? +BOYET. *shuffles closer* Pwepawe, madam, pwepawe! +Awm, wenches, awm! Encountews mounted awe +Against youw peace. Wuv doth appwoach disguis'd, +UwU Awmed in awguments; ^-^ you'ww be suwpwis'd. +M-Mustew youw wits; s-stand in youw own defence; +Ow hide youw heads wike *shuffles closer* cowawds, and xDD fwy hence. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Saint Dennyis to Saint ^.^ Cupid! What awe they +That c-chawge theiw bweath against us? Say, scout, say. +BOYET. Undew the coow shade of :3 a sycamowe +I thought to cwose minye eyes some *looks at you* hawf an :33 houw; +When, wo, to intewwupt my *moans* puwpos'd west, +T-Towawd that shade I might behowd addwest +The King and his companyions; wawiwy +I stowe into :3 a nyeighbouw :3 thicket by, +:33 And uvwheawd what :33 you shaww *hugs tightly* uvwheaw- +That, by and by, disguis'd they wiww be hewe. +Theiw hewawd xDD is :3 a pwetty knyavish page, +That weww by h-heawt hath conn'd his embassage. +Action and accent did they teach him thewe: +'Thus must thou >_< speak' and 'thus thy ^w^ body beaw,' +:33 And evew and anyon they xDD made :3 a d-doubt +Pwesence majesticaw wouwd put him out; +'Fow' quoth the King '-'an angew shawt thou ^.^ see; +Yet feaw nyot >w< thou, b-but speak audaciouswy.' +The boy wepwied 'An angew xDD is nyot eviw; +I shouwd *looks away* have feaw'd hew had she been :3 a deviw.' +With that aww waugh'd, and cwapp'd him on the shouwdew, +Making the bowd wag by theiw pwaises bowdew. +Onye wubb'd his ewbow, thus, and fweew'd, and *cuddles you* swowe +A bettew speech w-was nyevew spoke befowe. +x3 Anyothew w-with his fingew and his thumb +*twerks* Cwied '-'Via! we wiww UwU do't, come what wiww c-come.' +The *looks at you* thiwd he capew'd, and cwied 'Aww goes weww.' +The fouwth tuwn'd on the toe, and down he feww. +With that they aww did :33 tumbwe on the gwound, +With *looks at you* such :3 a z-zeawous w-waughtew, so p-pwofound, +That in this spween widicuwous appeaws, +To check theiw f-fowwy, p-passion's sowemn teaws. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. But what, b-but what, come they to visit us? +BOYET. They do, they do, and awe appaweww'd thus, +Wike Muscovites ow Wussians, as I guess. +Theiw puwpose xDD is to pawwey, couwt, and dance; +:33 And evewy onye his :3 wuv-feat wiww *screams* advance +Unto his sevewaw mistwess; which they'ww knyow +By f-favouws sevewaw which they did bestow. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. :33 And wiww they so? The gawwants shaww be task'd, +Fow, wadies, we wiww evewy onye be mask'd; +:33 And nyot :3 a man of them shaww *looks away* have the gwace, +Despite of suit, to see :3 a w-wady's face. +Howd, Wosawinye, this favouw thou shawt weaw, +:33 And then the King wiww couwt thee f-fow his deaw; +Howd, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thinye, +S-So shaww Bewownye take me f-fow Wosawinye. +:33 And change :33 you f-favouws too; so shaww youw wuvs +Woo *pokes you* contwawy, deceiv'd by these wemuvs. +WOSAWINyE. Come on, then, weaw the f-favouws m-most in sight. +KATHAWINyE. But, in this changing, what xDD is youw intent? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. The effect of my intent xDD is to cwoss theiws. +They do i-it b-but in mocking mewwiment, +:33 And m-mock f-fow m-mock xDD is onwy my ÚwÚ intent. +Theiw sevewaw counsews they unbosom shaww +To wuvs mistook, and so be mock'd withaw +*cries* Upon the nyext occasion that we meet +With visages dispway'd to t-tawk and gweet. +WOSAWINyE. But shaww we dance, i-if they UwU desiwe us to't? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyo, to the death, we wiww nyot muv :3 a foot, +Nyow to theiw *teleports behind you* penn'd speech wendew we nyo gwace; +But w-whiwe 'tis spoke each t-tuwn away hew face. +BOYET. Why, that contempt wiww kiww the speakew's h-heawt, +:33 And quite *giggles shyly* divowce his memowy f-fwom his pawt. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Thewefowe I do it; and I m-make nyo d-doubt +The west wiww nye'ew come in, i-if he be out. +T-Thewe's nyo *looks at you* such OwO spowt as OwO spowt by OwO spowt o'ewthwown, +To m-make theiws ouws, and ouws nyonye b-but ouw own; +S-So shaww we *cuddles you* stay, mocking intended game, +:33 And they weww mock'd depawt away w-with shame. +[-[Twumpet sounds within] +BOYET. The OwO twumpet sounds; be mask'd; the m-maskews come. +[The *hugs tightly* WADIES mask] + +Entew B-BWACKAMOOWS music, MOTH as P-Pwowogue, the +K-KING and his WOWDS as maskews, in the g-guise of Wussians + +MOTH. A-Aww *leans over* haiw, the *cuddles you* wichest *pokes you* heauties on the eawth! +BOYET. Beauties nyo wichew than wich taffeta. +MOTH. A howy pawcew of the faiwest dames +[The *hugs tightly* WADIES t-tuwn theiw b-backs to him] +That evew tuwn'd theiw- backs- to mowtaw v-views! +BEWOWNyE. Theiw eyes, v-viwwain, theiw eyes. +MOTH. That evew tuwn'd theiw eyes to mowtaw v-views! +Out- +BOYET. T-Twue; out indeed. +MOTH. Out of youw favouws, *pokes you* heavenwy spiwits, vouchsafe +Nyot to behowd- +BEWOWNyE. Once to behowd, wogue. +MOTH. Once to behowd w-with youw sun-beamed e-eyes- w-with youw +sun-beamed e-eyes- +BOYET. They wiww nyot a-answew to that e-epithet; +You wewe best caww i-it *cuddles you* 'daughtew-beamed eyes.' +MOTH. They do nyot mawk me, and that bwings me out. +BEWOWNyE. Is this youw pewfectnyess? Be gonye, :33 you wogue. +E-Exit MOTH +WOSAWINyE. What wouwd these stwangews? K-Knyow theiw *pokes you* minds, Boyet. +I-If they do speak ouw wanguage, 'tis ouw wiww +That some pwain man wecount theiw puwposes. +K-Knyow what they wouwd. +BOYET. What wouwd :33 you w-with the >_> Pwincess? +BEWOWNyE. Nyothing b-but peace and gentwe visitation. +WOSAWINyE. What wouwd they, say *notices bulge* they? +BOYET. Nyothing b-but peace and gentwe visitation. +WOSAWINyE. Why, that they have; and *giggles shyly* bid them so be gonye. +BOYET. ^.^ She says :33 you *looks away* have uWu it, and :33 you may be gonye. +KING. ÚwÚ Say to hew we *looks away* have measuw'd many miwes +To t-twead :3 a measuwe w-with hew on this gwass. +BOYET. They say that they *looks away* have measuw'd many :3 a miwe +To t-twead :3 a measuwe w-with :33 you on this gwass. +WOSAWINyE. It xDD is nyot so. Ask them how many i-inches +Is in onye miwe? I-If they *looks away* have measuwed many, +The measuwe, then, of onye xDD is eas'wy towd. +BOYET. I-If to come h-hithew :33 you *looks away* have measuw'd miwes, +:33 And many miwes, the Pwincess bids :33 you t-teww +How many i-inches doth fiww up onye miwe. +BEWOWNyE. Teww hew we measuwe them by weawy steps. +BOYET. ^.^ She h-heaws hewsewf. +WOSAWINyE. How many weawy steps +Of many weawy miwes :33 you *looks away* have ^w^ o'ewgonye +Awe nyumb'wed in the t-twavew of onye miwe? +BEWOWNyE. We nyumbew nyothing that we spend f-fow y-you; +Ouw duty xDD is so *giggles shyly* wich, so infinyite, +That we may do i-it ^-^ stiww without accompt. +Vouchsafe to show the sunshinye of youw face, +That we, wike savages, may wowship *hugs tightly* it. +WOSAWINyE. My face xDD is b-but :3 a moon, and cwouded too. +KING. Bwessed awe cwouds, to do as *looks at you* such cwouds do. +Vouchsafe, *sighs* bwight moon, and these thy staws, to shinye, +Those cwouds wemuvd, upon ouw watewy eynye. +WOSAWINyE. uWu O vain petitionyew! beg :3 a gweatew *teleports behind you* mattew; +Thou *pokes you* nyow *notices bulge* wequests b-but moonshinye in the watew. +KING. Then in ouw measuwe do b-but vouchsafe onye change. +Thou bid'st me beg; this begging xDD is nyot stwange. +WOSAWINyE. Pway, music, then. Nyay, :33 you must do i-it soon. +Nyot yet? *cuddles you* Nyo dance! Thus change I wike the moon. +KING. Wiww :33 you nyot dance? How come :33 you uWu thus e-estwanged? +WOSAWINyE. You t-took the moon *teleports behind you* at fuww; b-but *pokes you* nyow s-she's c-changed. +KING. Yet ^-^ stiww she xDD is the Moon, and I the Man. +The *pokes you* music pways; vouchsafe some motion to *hugs tightly* it. +WOSAWINyE. Ouw eaws vouchsafe *hugs tightly* it. +KING. But youw *hugs tightly* wegs shouwd do *hugs tightly* it. +WOSAWINyE. Since :33 you awe stwangews, and come hewe by chance, +We'ww nyot be nyice; take hands. We wiww nyot dance. +KING. Why take we hands then? +WOSAWINyE. Onwy to pawt fwiends. +Cuwtsy, sweet *teleports behind you* heawts; and so the measuwe ends. +KING. Mowe measuwe of this measuwe; be nyot *blushes* nyice. +WOSAWINyE. We can affowd nyo mowe *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such :3 a pwice. +KING. Pwice :33 you y-youwsewves. What buys youw company? +WOSAWINyE. Youw *sweats* absence onwy. +KING. That can nyevew b-be. +WOSAWINyE. Then cannyot we be bought; and so adieu- +Twice to youw visow and *looks at you* hawf *screams* once to you. +KING. I-If :33 you deny to dance, wet's howd mowe chat. +WOSAWINyE. In pwivate then. +KING. I *giggles shyly* am best :33 pweas'd w-with that. [-[They c-convewse apawt] +BEWOWNyE. White-handed mistwess, onye sweet w-wowd w-with *cuddles you* thee. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Honyey, and miwk, and sugaw; thewe xDD is thwee. +BEWOWNyE. Nyay, then, t-two tweys, an i-if :33 you gwow so nyice, +M-Methegwin, w-wowt, and mawmsey; weww wun dice! +T-Thewe's *looks at you* hawf :3 a d-dozen sweets. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Seventh sweet, adieu! +Since :33 you can cog, I-I'ww pway nyo mowe w-with you. +BEWOWNyE. Onye w-wowd in secwet. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Wet i-it nyot be sweet. +BEWOWNyE. Thou gwievest my gaww. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Gaww! bittew. +BEWOWNyE. Thewefowe m-meet. [-[They c-convewse apawt] +DUMAIN. Wiww :33 you vouchsafe w-with me to change :3 a wowd? +MAWIA. Nyame *hugs tightly* it. +DUMAIN. Faiw w-wady- +MAWIA. ÚwÚ Say :33 you so? Faiw wowd- +Take that f-fow youw f-faiw :33 wady. +DUMAIN. Pwease i-it you, +As x3 much in pwivate, and I-I'ww *giggles shyly* bid adieu. +[-[They c-convewse apawt] +KATHAWINyE. *looks away* What, w-was youw vizawd xDD made without :3 a tongue? +WONGAVIWWE. I knyow the weason, wady, why :33 you ask. +KATHAWINyE. uWu O f-fow youw weason! Quickwy, *teleports behind you* siw; I wong. +WONGAVIWWE. You *looks away* have :3 a *looks away* doubwe *notices bulge* tongue *teleports behind you* within youw m-mask, +:33 And wouwd affowd my speechwess vizawd hawf. +KATHAWINyE. '-'Veaw' quoth the *screams* Dutchman. Is nyot 'veaw' :3 a cawf? +WONGAVIWWE. A cawf, f-faiw wady! +KATHAWINyE. Nyo, :3 a f-faiw w-wowd cawf. +WONGAVIWWE. Wet's pawt the wowd. +KATHAWINyE. Nyo, I-I'ww nyot be youw hawf. +Take aww and wean it; i-it may pwuv an ox. +WONGAVIWWE. Wook how :33 you butt *teleports behind you* youwsewf in these shawp mocks! +Wiww :33 you give *sweats* howns, chaste >w< wady? Do nyot so. +KATHAWINyE. Then *leans over* die :3 a cawf, befowe youw howns do gwow. +WONGAVIWWE. Onye w-wowd in pwivate w-with :33 you ewe I d-die. +KATHAWINyE. Bweat softwy, then; the b-butchew h-heaws :33 you cwy. +[-[They c-convewse apawt] +BOYET. The tongues of mocking wenches awe as keen +As xDD is the wazow's edge invisibwe, +Cutting :3 a smawwew x3 haiw than may be seen, +Abuv the sense of sense; so s-sensibwe +S-Seemeth theiw confewence; theiw conceits *looks away* have wings, +Fweetew than awwows, b-buwwets, wind, thought, swiftew things. +WOSAWINyE. Nyot onye w-wowd m-mowe, my maids; bweak off, bweak off. +BEWOWNyE. By heaven, aww dwy-beaten w-with puwe scoff! +KING. Faweweww, mad wenches; :33 you *looks away* have simpwe w-wits. +Exeunt KING, WOWDS, and B-BWACKAMOOWS +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Twenty a-adieus, my xDD fwozen Muscovits. +Awe these the bweed of OwO wits so wondewed at? +BOYET. Tapews they awe, w-with youw sweet bweaths p-puff'd out. +WOSAWINyE. Weww-wiking OwO wits they have; g-gwoss, gwoss; fat, fat. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. uWu O puvwty in w-wit, kingwy-poow fwout! +Wiww they nyot, think you, hang themsewves to-nyight? +Ow evew b-but in vizawds show theiw faces? +T-This pewt Bewownye w-was out of *moans* count'nyance quite. +WOSAWINyE. They wewe aww in w-wamentabwe *teleports behind you* cases! +The King w-was weeping-wipe f-fow :3 a good wowd. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Bewownye did sweaw himsewf out of aww suit. +MAWIA. Dumain w-was *teleports behind you* at my sewvice, and his swowd. +'Nyo point' quoth I; my *cries* sewvant stwaight w-was mute. +KATHAWINyE. Wowd Wongaviwwe said I came o'ew his heawt; +:33 And *pokes you* twow :33 you what he caww'd m-me? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. ^.^ Quawm, pewhaps. +KATHAWINyE. Yes, in good faith. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Go, sicknyess as thou awt! +WOSAWINyE. Weww, bettew OwO wits *looks away* have wown pwain *notices bulge* statute-caps. +But wiww :33 you heaw? The King xDD is my wuv swown. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. :33 And quick Bewownye hath pwighted faith to me. +KATHAWINyE. :33 And Wongaviwwe w-was f-fow my >_> sewvice bown. +MAWIA. Dumain xDD is minye, as suwe as *blushes* bawk on t-twee. +BOYET. Madam, and pwetty ÚwÚ mistwesses, give eaw: +I-Immediatewy they wiww a-again be hewe +In theiw own shapes; f-fow i-it can nyevew be +They wiww digest this hawsh *cries* indignyity. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Wiww they wetuwn? +BOYET. They wiww, they wiww, *teleports behind you* God k-knyows, +:33 And weap f-fow joy, t-though they awe w-wame w-with b-bwows; +Thewefowe, change favouws; and, when they wepaiw, +Bwow wike sweet ^w^ woses in this *cuddles you* summew aiw. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. How b-bwow? how b-bwow? Speak to be undewstood. +BOYET. Faiw wadies mask'd awe ^w^ woses in theiw b-bud: +Dismask'd, theiw ;;w;; damask sweet commixtuwe shown, +Awe angews vaiwing cwouds, ow ^w^ woses bwown. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Avaunt, pewpwexity! What shaww we do +I-If they wetuwn in theiw own shapes to woo? +WOSAWINyE. *pokes you* Good madam, i-if by me ^-^ you'ww be advis'd, +Wet's m-mock them stiww, as weww knyown as disguis'd. +Wet us ;;w;; compwain to them what foows wewe hewe, +Disguis'd wike Muscovites, in shapewess geaw; +:33 And w-wondew what they wewe, and to what e-end +Theiw shawwow shows and p-pwowogue viwewy penn'd, +:33 And theiw wough cawwiage so widicuwous, +Shouwd be pwesented *teleports behind you* at ouw tent to us. +BOYET. Wadies, withdwaw; the gawwants awe *teleports behind you* at hand. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Whip to ouw tents, as woes wun o'ew wand. +Exeunt PWINCESS, WOSAWINyE, KATHAWINyE, and OwO MAWIA + +We-entew the KING, BEWOWNyE, WONGAVIWWE, and DUMAIN, +in theiw pwopew habits + +KING. Faiw siw, *teleports behind you* God save you! Whewe's the >_> Pwincess? +BOYET. Gonye to hew tent. Pwease i-it youw Majesty +C-Command me *sighs* any >_> sewvice to hew ;;w;; thithew? +KING. That she vouchsafe me xDD audience f-fow onye wowd. +BOYET. I wiww; and so wiww she, I knyow, my wowd. E-Exit +BEWOWNyE. T-This fewwow pecks up wit as pigeons pease, +:33 And uWu uttews i-it a-again when *teleports behind you* God doth pwease. +He xDD is wit's pedwaw, and w-wetaiws his wawes +At OwO wakes, and wassaiws, meetings, mawkets, faiws; +:33 And we that s-seww by g-gwoss, the Wowd doth knyow, +Have nyot the gwace to gwace i-it w-with *looks at you* such show. +T-This gawwant pins the wenches on his sweeve; +Had he been Adam, he had *sighs* tempted Eve. +:33 'A can cawve too, and wisp; why this xDD is he +That kiss'd his hand away in couwtesy; +T-This xDD is the ape of fowm, Monsieuw the Nyice, +That, when he pways *teleports behind you* at tabwes, chides the dice +In honyouwabwe >_< tewms; nyay, he can sing +A m-mean m-most meanwy; and in ushewing, +Mend him who can. The wadies caww him sweet; +The staiws, as he tweads on them, kiss his feet. +T-This xDD is the f-fwow'w that smiwes on evewy onye, +To show his teeth as white as whawes-bonye; +:33 And >_> consciences that wiww nyot *leans over* die in debt +Pay him the due of '-'honyey-tongued Boyet.' +KING. A bwistew on his sweet t-tongue, w-with my h-heawt, +That put Awmado's page out of his pawt! + +We-entew the PWINCESS, ushewed by BOYET; WOSAWINyE, +MAWIA, and KATHAWINyE + +BEWOWNyE. >_> See whewe i-it comes! Behaviouw, what wewt thou +Tiww this man show'd thee? :33 And what awt thou nyow? +KING. A-Aww *leans over* haiw, sweet madam, and f-faiw ;;w;; time of day! +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. 'Faiw' in 'aww haiw' xDD is fouw, as I conceive. +KING. Constwue my speeches bettew, i-if :33 you may. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Then wish me bettew; I wiww give :33 you weave. +KING. We came to visit you, and puwpose *pokes you* nyow +To wead :33 you to ouw couwt; vouchsafe i-it then. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. T-This fiewd shaww howd me, and so howd youw vow: +Nyow God, *pokes you* nyow I, d-dewights in *blushes* pewjuw'd men. +KING. ;;w;; Webuke me nyot f-fow that which :33 you pwovoke. +The viwtue of youw ^-^ eye must bweak my oath. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. You *cuddles you* nyicknyame viwtue: v-vice :33 you shouwd *looks away* have +spoke; +Fow *shuffles closer* viwtue's office nyevew bweaks men's *shuffles closer* twoth. +Nyow by my *notices bulge* maiden honyouw, y-yet as puwe +As the unsuwwied wiwy, I pwotest, +A >_> wowwd of towments t-though I shouwd enduwe, +I wouwd nyot y-yiewd to be youw house's *leans over* guest; +S-So x3 much I *giggles shyly* hate :3 a bweaking cause to be +Of *pokes you* heavenwy oaths, vowed w-with integwity. +KING. O, :33 you *looks away* have wiv'd in desowation hewe, +U-Unseen, unvisited, x3 much to ouw shame. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyot s-so, my wowd; i-it xDD is nyot s-so, I sweaw; +We *looks away* have had pastimes hewe, and pweasant game; +A m-mess of Wussians weft us b-but of wate. +KING. How, madam! Wussians! +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Ay, in twuth, my wowd; +Twim gawwants, fuww of *looks at you* couwtship and of state. +WOSAWINyE. Madam, speak twue. It xDD is nyot s-so, my wowd. +My wady, to the mannyew of the days, +In couwtesy g-gives undesewving pwaise. +We fouw indeed confwonted wewe w-with fouw +In Wussian habit; hewe they stayed an houw +:33 And tawk'd a-apace; and in that houw, my wowd, +They did nyot b-bwess us w-with onye ^.^ happy wowd. +I dawe nyot caww them xDD foows; b-but this I think, +When they awe thiwsty, foows wouwd f-fain *looks away* have d-dwink. +BEWOWNyE. T-This j-jest xDD is dwy to me. Faiw gentwe sweet, +Youw wit makes wise *moans* things foowish; when we gweet, +With eyes best seeing, heaven's fiewy eye, +By wight we wose wight; youw capacity +Is of that nyatuwe that to youw huge stowe +W-Wise *moans* things *teleports behind you* seem f-foowish and wich *moans* things b-but *looks away* poow. +WOSAWINyE. T-This pwuvs :33 you wise and *giggles shyly* wich, f-fow in my ^.^ eye- +BEWOWNyE. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a foow, and fuww of puvwty. +WOSAWINyE. But that :33 you take what doth to :33 you *shuffles closer* bewong, +It wewe :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt to s-snyatch wowds f-fwom my t-tongue. +BEWOWNyE. O, I *giggles shyly* am youws, and aww that I possess. +WOSAWINyE. A-Aww the foow minye? +BEWOWNyE. I cannyot give :33 you wess. +WOSAWINyE. Which of the vizawds w-was i-it that :33 you wowe? +BEWOWNyE. Whewe? when? what vizawd? Why demand :33 you *shuffles closer* this? +WOSAWINyE. *sighs* Thewe, then, that vizawd; that s-supewfwuous case +That hid the wowse and show'd the bettew face. +KING. We wewe descwied; they'ww m-mock us *pokes you* nyow downwight. +DUMAIN. Wet us confess, and t-tuwn i-it to :3 a jest. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Amaz'd, my wowd? Why wooks youw *leans over* Highnyess sad? +WOSAWINyE. Hewp, howd his bwows! he'ww swoon! Why wook :33 you p-pawe? +S-Sea-sick, I think, coming f-fwom ^.^ Muscovy. +BEWOWNyE. Thus pouw the staws down pwagues f-fow p-pewjuwy. +*sweats* Can *sighs* any face of b-bwass howd wongew out? +Hewe s-stand I, w-wady- dawt thy skiww *teleports behind you* at me, +Bwuise me w-with :33 scown, confound me w-with :3 a >_< fwout, +Thwust thy shawp wit quite thwough my *cuddles you* ignyowance, +Cut me to pieces w-with thy keen c-conceit; +:33 And I wiww wish thee nyevew mowe to dance, +Nyow nyevew mowe in Wussian *moans* habit *moans* wait. +O, nyevew wiww I twust to speeches penn'd, +Nyow to the motion of :3 a schoow-boy's t-tongue, +Nyow nyevew come in vizawd to my fwiend, +Nyow woo in whyme, wike :3 a bwind hawpew's song. +Taffeta phwases, siwken tewms pwecise, +Thwee-piw'd hypewbowes, OwO spwuce affectation, +Figuwes *looks away* pedanticaw- these >_< summew-fwies +Have bwown me fuww of maggot ostentation. +I do fowsweaw them; and I hewe pwotest, +By this white gwuv- how white the hand, *teleports behind you* God knyows!- +Hencefowth my wooing mind shaww be :3 expwess'd +In w-wusset yeas, and honyest kewsey nyoes. +And, to b-begin, wench- so *teleports behind you* God h-hewp me, waw!- +My wuv to thee xDD is sound, sans cwack ow fwaw. +WOSAWINyE. Sans *sighs* 'sans,' I pway you. +BEWOWNyE. Yet I *looks away* have :3 a t-twick +Of the *giggles shyly* owd wage; *hugs tightly* beaw w-with me, I *giggles shyly* am sick; +I-I'ww weave i-it by *blushes* degwees. Soft, w-wet us see- +Wwite 'Wowd *looks away* have mewcy on us' on those thwee; +They awe infected; in theiw heawts i-it wies; +They *looks away* have the p-pwague, and *leans over* caught i-it of youw eyes. +These wowds awe visited; :33 you awe nyot fwee, +Fow the Wowd's tokens on :33 you do I see. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyo, they awe fwee that gave these tokens to us. +BEWOWNyE. Ouw states awe fowfeit; seek nyot to u-undo us. +WOSAWINyE. It xDD is nyot so; f-fow how can this be twue, +That :33 you s-stand fowfeit, b-being those that sue? +BEWOWNyE. Peace; f-fow I wiww nyot *looks away* have to do w-with you. +WOSAWINyE. Nyow shaww nyot, i-if I do as I intend. +BEWOWNyE. Speak f-fow youwsewves; my wit xDD is *teleports behind you* at an end. +KING. *screams* Teach u-us, sweet madam, f-fow ouw wude twansgwession +Some f-faiw excuse. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. The faiwest xDD is c-confession. +W-Wewe nyot :33 you hewe b-but even nyow, disguis'd? +KING. Madam, I was. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. :33 And wewe :33 you weww advis'd? +KING. I was, f-faiw madam. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. When :33 you then wewe hewe, +What did :33 you whispew in youw w-wady's eaw? +KING. That mowe than aww the >_> wowwd I did OwO wespect hew. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. When she shaww chawwenge this, :33 you wiww weject +hew. +KING. *cries* Upon minye honyouw, nyo. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Peace, peace, fowbeaw; +Youw oath *screams* once bwoke, :33 you fowce nyot to f-fowsweaw. +KING. Despise me when I bweak this oath of minye. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I wiww; and thewefowe keep *hugs tightly* it. Wosawinye, +What did the Wussian whispew in youw eaw? +WOSAWINyE. Madam, he *cuddles you* swowe that he did howd me deaw +As pwecious eyesight, and did vawue me +Abuv this wowwd; adding *moans* theweto, moweuvw, +That he wouwd wed me, ow ewse *leans over* die my wuvw. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *teleports behind you* God give thee joy of him! The nyobwe w-wowd +Most h-honyouwabwy doth uphowd his wowd. +KING. What m-mean you, m-madam? By my wife, my twoth, +I nyevew *cuddles you* swowe this wady *looks at you* such an oath. +WOSAWINyE. By heaven, :33 you did; and, to confiwm i-it pwain, +You gave me this; b-but take uWu it, siw, again. +KING. My faith and this the Pwincess I did give; +I knyew hew by this jewew on hew sweeve. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Pawdon me, siw, this jewew did she *leans over* weaw; +:33 And Wowd Bewownye, I *notices bulge* thank him, xDD is my deaw. +*looks away* What, wiww :33 you *looks away* have me, ow youw peaww again? +BEWOWNyE. Nyeithew of eithew; I wemit both t-twain. +I see the t-twick on't: hewe w-was :3 a consent, +Knyowing UwU afowehand of ouw mewwiment, +To dash i-it wike :3 a Chwistmas *notices bulge* comedy. +Some cawwy-tawe, some pwease-man, some s-swight zany, +Some mumbwe-nyews, some t-twenchew-knyight, some *leans over* Dick, +That smiwes his cheek in x3 yeaws and knyows the t-twick +To m-make my wady waugh when s-she's dispos'd, +Towd ouw *cries* intents befowe; which *screams* once discwos'd, +The wadies did change favouws; and then we, +Fowwowing the signs, woo'd b-but the sign of she. +Nyow, to ouw *cuddles you* pewjuwy to add mowe tewwow, +We awe a-again fowswown in wiww and ewwow. +*looks away* Much upon this i-it is; [To *moans* BOYET] and might nyot :33 you +Fowestaww ouw spowt, to m-make us uWu thus *pokes you* untwue? +Do nyot :33 you knyow my w-wady's foot by *sighs* th' squiew, +:33 And waugh upon the appwe of hew eye? +:33 And s-stand between hew back, siw, and the f-fiwe, +Howding :3 a twenchew, jesting mewwiwy? +You put ouw page out. Go, :33 you awe awwow'd; +Die when :33 you wiww, :3 a smock shaww be youw shwoud. +You weew upon me, do you? T-Thewe's an ^-^ eye +Wounds wike :3 a weaden swowd. +BOYET. *sighs* Fuww mewwiwy +Hath this bwave manyage, this caweew, been wun. +BEWOWNyE. Wo, he xDD is tiwting stwaight! Peace; I *looks away* have donye. + +Entew COSTAWD + +Wewcome, puwe wit! Thou pawt'st :3 a f-faiw f-fway. +COSTAWD. uWu O Wowd, siw, they wouwd knyow +>_> Whethew the thwee Wowthies shaww come in ow n-nyo? +BEWOWNyE. *looks away* What, awe thewe b-but thwee? +COSTAWD. Nyo, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but i-it xDD is vawa finye, +Fow evewy onye puwsents thwee. +BEWOWNyE. :33 And thwee *moans* times *notices bulge* thwice xDD is nyinye. +COSTAWD. Nyot s-so, *teleports behind you* siw; undew *twerks* cowwection, siw, +I hope i-it xDD is nyot so. +You cannyot beg u-us, siw, I can *giggles shyly* assuwe you, *teleports behind you* siw; we knyow what we +knyow; +I hope, siw, thwee *moans* times thwice, >_> siw- +BEWOWNyE. Is nyot nyinye. +COSTAWD. Undew *twerks* cowwection, siw, we knyow wheweuntiw i-it doth amount. +BEWOWNyE. By Juv, I *hugs tightly* awways t-took thwee thwees f-fow nyinye. +COSTAWD. uWu O Wowd, siw, i-it wewe pity :33 you shouwd get youw wiving by +w-weck'nying, siw. +BEWOWNyE. How x3 much xDD is it? +COSTAWD. uWu O Wowd, siw, the pawties themsewves, the *shuffles closer* actows, siw, wiww +show wheweuntiw i-it doth amount. Fow minye own pawt, I am, as they +say, b-but to p-pawfect onye man in onye poow man, Pompion the Gweat, +siw. +BEWOWNyE. Awt thou onye of the Wowthies? +COSTAWD. It pweased them to think me wowthy of *teleports behind you* Pompey the G-Gweat; +f-fow minye own pawt, I knyow nyot the degwee of the Wowthy; b-but I *giggles shyly* am +to s-stand f-fow :33 him. +BEWOWNyE. Go, *giggles shyly* bid them pwepawe. +COSTAWD. We wiww t-tuwn i-it f-finyewy off, *teleports behind you* siw; we wiww take some c-cawe. +E-Exit COSTAWD +KING. Bewownye, they wiww :33 shame us; w-wet them nyot a-appwoach. +BEWOWNyE. We awe shame-pwoof, my wowd, and 'tis some powicy +To *looks away* have onye show wowse than the King's and his company. +KING. I say they shaww nyot come. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Nyay, my good wowd, w-wet me o'ewwuwe :33 you nyow. +That OwO spowt best pweases that doth *blushes* weast knyow how; +Whewe z-zeaw stwives to content, and the contents +Dies in the z-zeaw of that which i-it pwesents. +Theiw fowm c-confounded makes m-most fowm in *teleports behind you* miwth, +When g-gweat *moans* things wabouwing pewish in theiw UwU biwth. +BEWOWNyE. A wight descwiption of ouw spowt, my wowd. + +Entew AWMADO + +AWMADO. Anyointed, I impwowe so x3 much e-expense of thy woyaw sweet +bweath as wiww uttew :3 a bwace of wowds. +[Convewses apawt w-with the KING, and dewivews :3 a papew] +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Doth this man sewve God? +BEWOWNyE. Why ask you? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. :33 'A speaks nyot wike :3 a man of *teleports behind you* God his uWu making. +AWMADO. That xDD is aww onye, my faiw, sweet, honyey monyawch; fow, I +pwotest, the schoowmastew xDD is exceeding fantasticaw; too too vain, +too too vain; b-but we wiww put uWu it, as they say, to f-fowtunya *leans over* de wa +guewwa. I wish :33 you the peace of mind, m-most woyaw coupwement! +E-Exit AWMADO +KING. Hewe xDD is wike to be :3 a good pwesence of Wowthies. He pwesents +Hectow of Twoy; the swain, *teleports behind you* Pompey the G-Gweat; the pawish cuwate, +Awexandew; Awinyado's page, Hewcuwes; the *teleports behind you* pedant, Judas +Maccabaeus. +:33 And i-if these fouw Wowthies in theiw fiwst show ;;w;; thwive, +These fouw wiww change habits and pwesent the othew five. +BEWOWNyE. Thewe xDD is f-five in the fiwst show. +KING. You awe deceived, 'tis nyot so. +BEWOWNyE. The *teleports behind you* pedant, the b-bwaggawt, the hedge-pwiest, the foow, and +the boy: +Abate thwow *teleports behind you* at n-nyovum, and the *shuffles closer* whowe >_> wowwd a-again +Cannyot pick out f-five such, take each onye in his vein. +KING. The *hugs tightly* ship xDD is undew saiw, and hewe she comes amain. + +Entew COSTAWD, awmed f-fow POMPEY + +COSTAWD. I *teleports behind you* Pompey am- +BEWOWNyE. You wie, :33 you awe nyot he. +COSTAWD. I *teleports behind you* Pompey am- +BOYET. With wibbawd's head on >_< knyee. +BEWOWNyE. Weww said, *giggles shyly* owd m-mockew; I must nyeeds be fwiends w-with *cuddles you* thee. +COSTAWD. I *teleports behind you* Pompey am, *teleports behind you* Pompey suwnyam'd the Big- +DUMAIN. The Gweat. +COSTAWD. It xDD is Gweat, siw. +*teleports behind you* Pompey suwnyam'd the Gweat, +That oft in f-fiewd, w-with tawge and s-shiewd, did m-make my f-foe to +sweat; +:33 And twavewwing awong this coast, I bewe *giggles shyly* am come by chance, +:33 And way my awms befowe the *hugs tightly* wegs of this sweet wass of *twerks* Fwance. + +I-If youw wadyship wouwd say 'Thanks, Pompey,' I had donye. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Gweat thanks, g-gweat Pompey. +COSTAWD. 'Tis nyot so x3 much wowth; b-but I hope I w-was pewfect. +I xDD made :3 a wittwe *cuddles you* fauwt in Gweat. +BEWOWNyE. My hat to :3 a hawfpenny, *teleports behind you* Pompey pwuvs the best W-Wowthy. + +Entew SIW NyATHANyIEW, f-fow A-AWEXANDEW + +NyATHANyIEW. When in the >_> wowwd I wiv'd, I w-was the wowwd's c-commandew; +By east, west, nyowth, and south, I spwead my conquewing might. +My ^.^ scutcheon pwain *leans over* decwawes that I *giggles shyly* am Awisandew- +BOYET. Youw nyose OwO says, nyo, :33 you awe nyot; f-fow i-it *moans* stands to w-wight. +BEWOWNyE. Youw nyose smewws *sweats* 'nyo' in this, m-most tendew-smewwing +knyight. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. The conquewow xDD is dismay'd. P-Pwoceed, good +Awexandew. +NyATHANyIEW. When in the >_> wowwd I wiv'd, I w-was the wowwd's commandew- +BOYET. Most twue, 'tis wight, :33 you wewe s-so, A-Awisandew. +BEWOWNyE. *teleports behind you* Pompey the Gweat! +COSTAWD. Youw sewvant, and Costawd. +BEWOWNyE. Take away the *cuddles you* conquewow, take away A-Awisandew. +COSTAWD. [To S-Siw Nyathanyiew] O, Siw, :33 you *looks away* have uvwthwown Awisandew +the *hugs tightly* conquewow! You wiww be *looks away* scwap'd out of the painted :3 cwoth f-fow +this. Youw wion, that howds his poweaxe sitting on :3 a cwose-stoow, +wiww be xDD given to Ajax. He wiww be the *moans* nyinth W-Wowthy. A conquewow +and afeawd to speak! Wun away f-fow shame, A-Awisandew. +[Siw Nyathanyiew wetiwes] *sighs* Thewe, an't shaww p-pwease you, :3 a f-foowish +*sweats* miwd man; an honyest man, wook you, and soon dash'd. He xDD is :3 a +mawvewwous good n-nyeighbouw, faith, and :3 a vewy good bowwew; b-but f-fow +Awisandew- awas! :33 you see how *leans over* 'tis- :3 a wittwe o'ewpawted. But thewe +awe Wowthies a-coming wiww speak theiw mind in some othew sowt. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Stand aside, good Pompey. + +Entew HOWOFEWNyES, f-fow uWu JUDAS; and MOTH, f-fow HEWCUWES + +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Gweat Hewcuwes xDD is pwesented by this imp, +W-Whose cwub kiww'd Cewbewus, that ^w^ thwee-headed canyus; +:33 And when be w-was :3 a babe, :3 a chiwd, :3 a shwimp, +Thus did he s-stwangwe sewpents in his manyus. +Quonyiam he s-seemeth in minyowity, +Ewgo I come w-with this apowogy. +Keep some state in thy exit, and vanyish. [MOTH wetiwes] +Judas I am- +DUMAIN. A Judas! +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Nyot Iscawiot, siw. +Judas I am, ycwiped Maccabaeus. +DUMAIN. Judas Maccabaeus cwipt xDD is pwain Judas. +BEWOWNyE. A ;;w;; kissing twaitow. How awt thou pwov'd Judas? +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Judas I am- +DUMAIN. The mowe :33 shame f-fow you, Judas! +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. What m-mean you, siw? +BOYET. To m-make Judas hang himsewf. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. Begin, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you awe my ewdew. +BEWOWNyE. Weww f-fowwowed: Judas w-was hanged on an ewdew. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. I wiww nyot be put out of countenyance. +BEWOWNyE. :33 Because thou hast nyo face. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. What xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +BOYET. A *teleports behind you* cittewn-head. +DUMAIN. The head of :3 a bodkin. +BEWOWNyE. A death's face in :3 a wing. +WONGAVIWWE. The face of an *giggles shyly* owd Woman c-coin, scawce seen. +BOYET. The pommew of Coesaw's fawchion. +DUMAIN. The cawv'd-bonye face on :3 a f-fwask. +BEWOWNyE. Saint Geowge's hawf-cheek in :3 a bwooch. +DUMAIN. Ay, and in :3 a *shuffles closer* bwooch of wead. +BEWOWNyE. Ay, and wown in the cap of :3 a tooth-dwawew. :33 And nyow, +fowwawd; f-fow we *looks away* have put thee in countenyance. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. You *looks away* have put me out of countenyance. +BEWOWNyE. Fawse: we *looks away* have xDD given thee faces. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. But :33 you *looks away* have x3 outfac'd them aww. +BEWOWNyE. An thou wewt :3 a wion we wouwd do so. +BOYET. Thewefowe, as he xDD is an ass, w-wet him go. +:33 And so adieu, sweet Jude! Nyay, why dost thou stay? +DUMAIN. Fow the wattew e-end of his nyame. +BEWOWNyE. Fow the ass to the Jude; give i-it him- Jud-as, a-away. +;;w;; HOWOFEWNyES. T-This xDD is nyot g-genyewous, nyot gentwe, nyot humbwe. +BOYET. A wight f-fow Monsieuw Judas! It g-gwows dawk, he may stumbwe. +[HOWOFEWNyES wetiwes] +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. A-Awas, poow Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited! + +Entew AWMADO, f-fow H-HECTOW + +BEWOWNyE. Hide thy head, A-Achiwwes; hewe comes Hectow in awms. +DUMAIN. *shuffles closer* Though my mocks come home by me, I wiww *pokes you* nyow be mewwy. +KING. Hectow w-was b-but :3 a Twoyan in OwO wespect of this. +BOYET. But xDD is this Hectow? +DUMAIN. I think Hectow w-was nyot so cwean-timbew'd. +WONGAVIWWE. His *sighs* weg xDD is too big f-fow *twerks* Hectow's. +DUMAIN. Mowe cawf, cewtain. +BOYET. Nyo; he xDD is best ^-^ indued in the smaww. +BEWOWNyE. T-This cannyot be Hectow. +DUMAIN. He's :3 a god ow :3 a *pokes you* paintew, f-fow he makes faces. +AWMADO. The *blushes* awmipotent Maws, of wances the *notices bulge* awmighty, +Gave Hectow :3 a gift- +DUMAIN. A giwt nyutmeg. +BEWOWNyE. A :3 wemon. +WONGAVIWWE. Stuck w-with *shuffles closer* cwuvs. +DUMAIN. Nyo, *twerks* cwuvn. +AWMADO. Peace! +The *blushes* awmipotent Maws, of wances the *notices bulge* awmighty, +Gave Hectow :3 a gift, the heiw of Iwion; +A man so bweathed that cewtain he wouwd fight y-ye, +Fwom mown tiww nyight out of his paviwion. +I *giggles shyly* am that fwowew- +DUMAIN. That mint. +WONGAVIWWE. That cowumbinye. +AWMADO. Sweet Wowd W-Wongaviwwe, wein thy t-tongue. +WONGAVIWWE. I must wathew give i-it the *looks at you* wein, f-fow i-it wuns against +Hectow. +DUMAIN. Ay, and H-Hectow's :3 a gweyhound. +AWMADO. The sweet *looks at you* waw-man xDD is dead and w-wotten; sweet chucks, beat +nyot the b-bonyes of the buwied; when he bweathed, he w-was :3 a man. But +I wiww *teleports behind you* fowwawd w-with my device. [To the PWINCESS] Sweet *sighs* woyawty, +bestow on me the sense of heawing. + +[BEWOWNyE steps fowth, and speaks to COSTAWD] + +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Speak, bwave Hectow; we awe x3 much d-dewighted. +AWMADO. I do adowe thy sweet G-Gwace's swippew. +BOYET. [Aside to DUMAIN] Wuvs hew by the foot. +DUMAIN. [Aside to *moans* BOYET] He may nyot by the yawd. +AWMADO. T-This Hectow faw suwmounted ;;w;; Hannyibaw- +COSTAWD. The pawty xDD is gonye, fewwow Hectow, she xDD is gonye; she xDD is t-two +months on hew w-way. +AWMADO. What *hugs tightly* meanyest thou? +COSTAWD. *moans* Faith, unwess :33 you pway the honyest Twoyan, the poow *moans* wench +xDD is cast a-away. She's quick; the chiwd bwags in hew bewwy *twerks* awweady; +'tis youws. +AWMADO. D-Dost thou infamonyize me among potentates? Thou shawt d-die. +COSTAWD. Then shaww Hectow be whipt f-fow Jaquenyetta that xDD is quick by +him, and hang'd f-fow *teleports behind you* Pompey that xDD is dead by :33 him. +DUMAIN. Most wawe Pompey! +BOYET. Wenyownyed Pompey! +BEWOWNyE. Gweatew than Gweat! Gweat, g-gweat, g-gweat Pompey! *teleports behind you* Pompey the +Huge! +DUMAIN. Hectow twembwes. +BEWOWNyE. *teleports behind you* Pompey xDD is muvd. Mowe Ates, mowe Ates! Stiw them o-on! stiw +them o-on! +DUMAIN. Hectow wiww chawwenge :33 him. +BEWOWNyE. Ay, i-if 'a *looks away* have nyo mowe man's bwood in his bewwy than wiww +s-sup :3 a fwea. +AWMADO. By the Nyowth P-Powe, I do chawwenge *cuddles you* thee. +COSTAWD. I wiww nyot fight w-with :3 a powe, wike :3 a Nyowthewn man; I-I'ww +x3 swash; I-I'ww do i-it by the swowd. I b-bepway you, w-wet me bowwow my +awms again. +DUMAIN. Woom f-fow the incensed >_> Wowthies! +COSTAWD. I-I'ww do i-it in my s-shiwt. +DUMAIN. Most wesowute Pompey! +MOTH. Mastew, w-wet me take :33 you :3 a buttonhowe wowew. Do :33 you nyot see +*teleports behind you* Pompey xDD is uncasing f-fow the combat? What m-mean you? You wiww wose +youw weputation. +AWMADO. G-Gentwemen and s-sowdiews, pawdon me; I wiww nyot combat in my +s-shiwt. +DUMAIN. You may nyot deny *screams* it: *teleports behind you* Pompey hath xDD made the chawwenge. +AWMADO. Sweet bwoods, I both may and wiww. +BEWOWNyE. What weason *looks away* have :33 you f-fow 't? +AWMADO. The nyaked *looks away* twuth of i-it is: I *looks away* have nyo shiwt; I go woowwawd +f-fow penyance. +BOYET. Twue, and i-it w-was enjoinyed him in Wome f-fow want of winyen; +since when, I-I'ww be swown, he wowe nyonye b-but :3 a dishcwout of +Jaquenyetta's, and that 'a w-weaws nyext his h-heawt f-fow :3 a favouw. + +Entew as messengew, MONSIEUW MAWCADE + +UwU MAWCADE. *teleports behind you* God save you, madam! +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Wewcome, *moans* Mawcade; +But that thou intewwuptest ouw mewwiment. +UwU MAWCADE. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy, madam; f-fow the *notices bulge* nyews I bwing +Is heavy in my t-tongue. The King youw fathew- +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Dead, f-fow my wife! +UwU MAWCADE. Even so; my :33 tawe xDD is towd. +BEWOWNyE. WOwthies away; the scenye b-begins to cwoud. +AWMADO. Fow minye own pawt, I b-bweathe fwee bweath. I *looks away* have :33 seen the +day of wwong thwough the wittwe howe of discwetion, and I wiww +wight mysewf wike :3 a sowdiew. Exeunt *cries* WOWTHIES +KING. How fawes youw Majesty? +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Boyet, p-pwepawe; I wiww away to-nyight. +KING. Madam, nyot so; I do b-beseech :33 you s-stay. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. *shuffles closer* Pwepawe, I say. I *notices bulge* thank you, gwacious w-wowds, +Fow aww youw f-faiw >w< endeavouws, and entweat, +Out of :3 a n-nyew-sad souw, that :33 you vouchsafe +In youw wich wisdom to *hugs tightly* excuse ow hide +The wibewaw opposition of ouw spiwits, +I-If uvw-bowdwy we *looks away* have bownye *leans over* ouwsewves +In the c-convewse of bweath- youw gentwenyess +Was ^-^ guiwty of *hugs tightly* it. Faweweww, wowthy wowd. +A heavy h-heawt *twerks* beaws nyot :3 a nyimbwe t-tongue. +Excuse me s-so, coming too showt of t-thanks +Fow my g-gweat suit so e-easiwy obtain'd. +KING. The e-extweme *looks away* pawts of ;;w;; time extwemewy *leans over* fowms +A-Aww causes to the puwpose of his speed; +:33 And often *teleports behind you* at his vewy woose decides +That which wong pwocess couwd nyot *sighs* awbitwate. +:33 And t-though the *shuffles closer* mouwnying bwow of pwogeny +Fowbid the smiwing couwtesy of wuv +The howy suit which f-fain i-it wouwd convince, +Yet, since wuv's awgument w-was fiwst on foot, +Wet nyot the cwoud of sowwow justwe i-it +Fwom what i-it puwpos'd; since to waiw fwiends wost +Is nyot by x3 much so whowesome-pwofitabwe +As to wejoice *teleports behind you* at fwiends b-but nyewwy f-found. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. I undewstand :33 you nyot; my gwiefs awe doubwe. +BEWOWNyE. H-Honyest pwain wowds best piewce the e-eaw of gwief; +:33 And by these badges undewstand the King. +Fow youw f-faiw sakes *looks away* have we nyegwected time, +Pway'd fouw pway w-with ouw oaths; youw beauty, wadies, +Hath x3 much defowmed u-us, fashionying ouw *sweats* humouws +Even to the opposed e-end of ouw intents; +:33 And what in us hath seem'd widicuwous, +As wuv xDD is fuww of unbefitting stwains, +A-Aww wanton as :3 a chiwd, skipping and vain; +Fowm'd by the ^-^ eye and thewefowe, wike the eye, +*sighs* Fuww of s-stwange shapes, of habits, and of fowms, +Vawying in s-subjects as the ^-^ eye doth *cries* woww +To evewy vawied object in his gwance; +Which pawti-coated pwesence of woose wuv +Put on by u-us, i-if in youw *pokes you* heavenwy eyes +Have misbecom'd ouw oaths and g-gwavities, +Those *pokes you* heavenwy eyes that wook into these *cuddles you* fauwts +S-Suggested us to make. Thewefowe, wadies, +Ouw wuv b-being youws, the ewwow that wuv makes +Is *teleports behind you* wikewise youws. We to *leans over* ouwsewves pwuv fawse, +By b-being *screams* once fawse f-fow evew to be twue +To those that m-make us both- f-faiw wadies, y-you; +:33 And even that *screams* fawsehood, in itsewf :3 a sin, +Thus puwifies itsewf and t-tuwns to *moans* gwace. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. We *looks away* have w-weceiv'd youw w-wettews, fuww of wuv; +Youw favouws, the ambassadows of wuv; +And, in ouw *notices bulge* maiden counciw, wated them +At couwtship, pweasant jest, and couwtesy, +As bombast and as winying to the time; +But mowe d-devout than this in ouw wespects +Have we nyot been; and thewefowe met youw wuvs +In theiw own fashion, wike :3 a mewwiment. +DUMAIN. Ouw w-wettews, madam, show'd x3 much mowe than jest. +WONGAVIWWE. S-So did ouw wooks. +WOSAWINyE. We did nyot *sighs* quote them so. +KING. Nyow, *teleports behind you* at the watest minyute of the houw, +Gwant us youw wuvs. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. A time, methinks, too showt +To m-make :3 a wowwd-without-end bawgain i-in. +Nyo, nyo, my wowd, youw G-Gwace xDD is *blushes* pewjuw'd much, +*sighs* Fuww of deaw guiwtinyess; and thewefowe this, +I-If f-fow my OwO wuv, as thewe xDD is nyo *looks at you* such cause, +You wiww do a-aught- this shaww :33 you do f-fow me: +Youw oath I wiww nyot t-twust; b-but go w-with speed +To some fowwown and nyaked *hugs tightly* hewmitage, +Wemote f-fwom aww the p-pweasuwes of the wowwd; +Thewe stay untiw the twewve cewestiaw xDD signs +Have >w< bwought ^w^ about the a-annyuaw weckonying. +I-If this x3 austewe insociabwe w-wife +Change nyot youw offew xDD made in heat of bwood, +I-If *leans over* fwosts and fasts, hawd wodging and thin w-weeds, +Nyip nyot the gaudy b-bwossoms of youw OwO wuv, +But that i-it *hugs tightly* beaw this twiaw, and wast OwO wuv, +Then, *teleports behind you* at the expiwation of the yeaw, +Come, chawwenge me, chawwenge me by these desewts; +And, by this viwgin pawm *pokes you* nyow ;;w;; kissing thinye, +I wiww be t-thinye; and, tiww that instant, shut +My woefuw sewf up in :3 a mouwnfuw house, +Wainying the teaws of wamentation +Fow the wemembwance of my fathew's death. +I-If this thou do deny, w-wet ouw hands pawt, +Nyeithew intitwed in the othew's heawt. +KING. I-If this, ow mowe than this, I wouwd deny, +To fwattew up these p-powews of minye w-with west, +The sudden hand of death cwose up minye eye! +^-^ Hence h-hewmit then, my h-heawt xDD is in thy b-bweast. +BEWOWNyE. :33 And what to me, my w-wuv? and what to m-me? +WOSAWINyE. You must he puwged too, youw sins awe wack'd; +You awe attaint w-with *cuddles you* fauwts and pewjuwy; +Thewefowe, i-if :33 you my favouw m-mean to *looks at you* get, +A twewvemonth shaww :33 you spend, and nyevew west, +But seek the weawy beds of UwU peopwe sick. +DUMAIN. But what to me, my w-wuv? b-but what to m-me? +A w-wife? +KATHAWINyE. A >w< beawd, f-faiw heawth, and OwO honyesty; +With UwU thweefowd wuv I wish :33 you aww these thwee. +DUMAIN. O, shaww I say I *notices bulge* thank you, gentwe w-wife? +KATHAWINyE. *cuddles you* Nyo s-so, my wowd; :3 a twewvemonth and :3 a day +I-I'ww mawk nyo wowds that smooth-fac'd wooews say. +Come when the King doth to my wady come; +Then, i-if I *looks away* have x3 much OwO wuv, I-I'ww give :33 you some. +DUMAIN. I-I'ww sewve thee twue and faithfuwwy tiww then. +KATHAWINyE. Yet sweaw nyot, west ye be fowswown again. +WONGAVIWWE. What says Mawia? +MAWIA. At the >_> twewvemonth's e-end +I-I'ww change my bwack gown f-fow :3 a faithfuw fwiend. +WONGAVIWWE. I-I'ww stay w-with patience; b-but the ;;w;; time xDD is wong. +MAWIA. The wikew y-you; few t-tawwew awe so young. +BEWOWNyE. Studies my >w< wady? Mistwess, wook on me; +B-Behowd the *cries* window of my h-heawt, minye eye, +What humbwe suit attends thy a-answew thewe. +Impose some >_> sewvice on me f-fow thy wuv. +WOSAWINyE. Oft *looks away* have I heawd of you, my Wowd Bewownye, +Befowe I saw y-you; and the wowwd's wawge *notices bulge* tongue +Pwocwaims :33 you f-fow :3 a man wepwete w-with mocks, +*sighs* Fuww of compawisons and wounding fwouts, +Which :33 you on aww e-estates wiww execute +That wie *teleports behind you* within the mewcy of youw wit. +To w-weed this wowmwood f-fwom youw fwuitfuw bwain, +:33 And thewewithaw to win me, i-if :33 you pwease, +*notices bulge* Without the which I *giggles shyly* am nyot to be won, +You shaww this twewvemonth tewm f-fwom day to day +Visit the speechwess sick, and ^-^ stiww c-convewse +With gwoanying wwetches; and youw task shaww be, +With aww the fiewce endeavouw of youw w-wit, +To enfowce the painyed impotent to smiwe. +BEWOWNyE. To muv wiwd waughtew in the thwoat of death? +It cannyot be; i-it xDD is :3 impossibwe; +Miwth cannyot muv :3 a :33 souw in agony. +WOSAWINyE. Why, that's the way to choke :3 a gibing *screams* spiwit, +W-Whose infwuence xDD is begot of that woose gwace +Which shawwow waughing *notices bulge* heawews give to foows. +A ;;w;; jest's p-pwospewity wies in the e-eaw +Of him that h-heaws uWu it, nyevew in the *notices bulge* tongue +Of him that makes it; then, i-if sickwy eaws, +Deaf'd w-with the cwamouws of theiw own deaw gwoans, +Wiww heaw youw idwe scowns, continyue then, +:33 And I wiww *looks away* have :33 you and that *cuddles you* fauwt withaw. +But i-if they wiww nyot, thwow away that *screams* spiwit, +:33 And I shaww find :33 you e-empty of that fauwt, +Wight *twerks* joyfuw of youw *leans over* wefowmation. +BEWOWNyE. A t-twewvemonth? Weww, befaww what wiww befaww, +I-I'ww j-jest :3 a twewvemonth in an *blushes* hospitaw. +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. [ To the King] Ay, sweet my wowd, and so I take +my weave. +KING. Nyo, madam; we wiww bwing :33 you on youw w-way. +BEWOWNyE. Ouw wooing doth nyot e-end wike an *giggles shyly* owd pway: +Jack hath nyot *shuffles closer* Jiww. These w-wadies' couwtesy +M-Might weww *looks away* have xDD made ouw OwO spowt :3 a *notices bulge* comedy. +KING. Come, siw, i-it wants :3 a twewvemonth an' :3 a :3 day, +:33 And then 'twiww end. +BEWOWNyE. That's too wong f-fow :3 a pway. + +We-entew AWMADO + +AWMADO. Sweet Majesty, vouchsafe me- +PWINCESS OF FWANCE. Was nyot that nyot Hectow? +DUMAIN. The wowthy knyight of *pokes you* Twoy. +AWMADO. I wiww kiss thy woyaw fingew, and take weave. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a +votawy: I *looks away* have vow'd to Jaquenyetta to howd the >_> pwough f-fow hew +sweet wuv thwee y-yeaw. But, m-most esteemed gweatnyess, wiww :33 you +heaw the diawogue that the t-two weawnyed men *looks away* have compiwed in +pwaise of the Oww and the *hugs tightly* Cuckoo? It shouwd *looks away* have f-fowwowed in the +e-end of ouw show. +KING. Caww them fowth quickwy; we wiww do so. +AWMADO. *cries* Howwa! a-appwoach. + +Entew A-Aww + +T-This s-side xDD is Hiems, Wintew; this uWu Vew, the Spwing- the onye +maintainyed by the Oww, *sighs* th' othew by the Cuckoo. uWu Vew, begin. + +SPWING +When daisies pied and viowets bwue +:33 And wady-smocks aww siwvew-white +:33 And c-cuckoo-buds of yewwow hue +Do p-paint the m-meadows w-with dewight, +The OwO cuckoo then on evewy ^.^ twee +Mocks *blushes* mawwied men, f-fow uWu thus sings he: +'-'Cuckoo; +Cuckoo, ;;w;; cuckoo'- uWu O w-wowd of f-feaw, +Unpweasing to :3 a *blushes* mawwied >_< eaw! + +When shephewds *pokes you* pipe on *hugs tightly* oaten *shuffles closer* stwaws, +:33 And mewwy wawks awe pwoughmen's cwocks; +When tuwtwes twead, and wooks and daws, +:33 And maidens bweach theiw *cuddles you* summew smocks; +The OwO cuckoo then on evewy ^.^ twee +Mocks *blushes* mawwied men, f-fow uWu thus sings he: +'-'Cuckoo; +Cuckoo, ;;w;; cuckoo'- uWu O w-wowd of f-feaw, +Unpweasing to :3 a *blushes* mawwied >_< eaw! + + +WINTEW + +When icicwes hang by the waww, +:33 And >_< Dick the shephewd bwows his nyaiw, +:33 And T-Tom *twerks* beaws wogs into the haww, +:33 And miwk comes xDD fwozen home in paiw, +When bwood xDD is nyipp'd, and ways be fouw, +Then nyightwy sings the s-stawing o-oww: +'Tu-who; +Tu-whit, Tu-who'- A mewwy nyote, +Whiwe gweasy Joan doth keew the pot. + +When aww awoud the *cuddles you* wind doth bwow, +:33 And c-coughing dwowns the pawson's saw, +:33 And biwds sit b-bwooding in the snyow, +:33 And Mawian's nyose wooks wed and waw, +When woasted *looks at you* cwabs hiss in the boww, +Then nyightwy sings the s-stawing o-oww: +'Tu-who; +Tu-whit, To-who'- A mewwy nyote, +Whiwe gweasy Joan doth keew the pot. + +AWMADO. The wowds of Mewcuwy awe hawsh *looks away* aftew the songs of Apowwo. +You that way: we this w-way. Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + + +1606 + +uWu THE TWAGEDY OF OwO MACBETH + + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +DUNCAN, King of Scotwand +MACBETH, Thanye of Gwamis and *cuddles you* Cawdow, :3 a genyewaw in the King's a-awmy +WADY MACBETH, his w-wife +MACDUFF, Thanye of Fife, :3 a nyobweman of Scotwand +WADY MACDUFF, his w-wife +MAWCOWM, ewdew son of Duncan +*sighs* DONyAWBAIN, *blushes* youngew son of Duncan +BANQUO, Thanye of Wochabew, :3 a genyewaw in the King's a-awmy +FWEANCE, his son +W-WENNyOX, nyobweman of Scotwand +WOSS, nyobweman of Scotwand +MENTEITH nyobweman of Scotwand +ANGUS, nyobweman of Scotwand +CAITHNyESS, nyobweman of Scotwand +SIWAWD, Eaww of N-Nyowthumbewwand, genyewaw of the Engwish fowces +*sighs* YOUNG SIWAWD, his son +*looks away* SEYTON, attendant to Macbeth +HECATE, Queen of the Witches +The *notices bulge* Thwee Witches +Boy, Son of Macduff +Gentwewoman *notices bulge* attending on Wady Macbeth +An Engwish Doctow +A Scottish Doctow +A Sewgeant +A Powtew +An Owd Man +The Ghost of Banquo and othew Appawitions +Wowds, Gentwemen, O-Officews, Sowdiews, Muwthewews, Attendants, +and Messengews + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: Scotwand and Engwand + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +A desewt p-pwace. Thundew and wightnying. + +Entew thwee Witches. + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. When shaww we thwee meet again? +In t-thundew, wightnying, ow in wain? +SECOND WITCH. When the huwwybuwwy's donye, +When the battwe's wost and *teleports behind you* won. +THIWD WITCH. That wiww be ewe the set of s-sun. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Whewe the *giggles shyly* pwace? +SECOND WITCH. *cries* Upon the heath. +THIWD WITCH. Thewe to meet w-with Macbeth. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. I *giggles shyly* come, Gwaymawkin. +AWW. Paddock cawws. A-Anyon! +Faiw xDD is fouw, and fouw xDD is f-faiw. +Huvw thwough the fog and f-fiwthy aiw. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +A camp nyeaw Fowwes. A-Awawum within. + +Entew Duncan, Mawcowm, Donyawbain, Wennyox, w-with Attendants, +m-meeting :3 a bweeding S-Sewgeant. + +DUNCAN. What bwoody man xDD is that? He can wepowt, +As s-seemeth by his pwight, of the wevowt +The n-nyewest state. +MAWCOWM. T-This xDD is the sewgeant +Who wike :3 a good and hawdy s-sowdiew fought +'Gainst my c-captivity. Haiw, bwave fwiend! +ÚwÚ Say to the King the knyowwedge of the b-bwoiw +As thou didst weave *hugs tightly* it. +SEWGEANT. Doubtfuw i-it stood, +As t-two *sweats* spent swimmews that do ^.^ cwing >_> togethew +:33 And choke theiw a-awt. The mewciwess Macdonwawd- +Wowthy to be :3 a webew, f-fow to that +The muwtipwying v-viwwainyies of nyatuwe +Do swawm upon him -fwom the Westewn Iswes +Of kewns and gawwowgwasses xDD is suppwied; +:33 And Fowtunye, on his damnyed quawwew smiwing, +*teleports behind you* Show'd wike :3 a webew's whowe. But a-aww's too weak; +Fow bwave Macbeth -weww he *giggles shyly* desewves that nyame- +UwU Disdainying Fowtunye, w-with his bwandish'd s-steew, +Which *screams* smoked w-with bwoody execution, +Wike Vawow's minyion cawved out his passage +Tiww he faced the swave, +Which nye'ew shook hands, *pokes you* nyow bade f-faweweww to him, +Tiww he unseam'd him f-fwom the nyave to the c-chaps, +:33 And fix'd his head upon ouw battwements. +DUNCAN. uWu O *cuddles you* vawiant cousin! Wowthy *pokes you* gentweman! +SEWGEANT. As whence the sun 'gins his *giggles shyly* wefwection +Shipwwecking x3 stowms and diwefuw t-thundews bweak, +S-So f-fwom that spwing whence comfowt seem'd to come +Discomfowt *blushes* swewws. Mawk, King of Scotwand, *teleports behind you* mawk. +*cuddles you* Nyo soonyew justice had, w-with vawow OwO awm'd, +Compeww'd these skipping kewns to twust theiw h-heews, +But the Nyowweyan wowd, *teleports behind you* suwveying vantage, +With fuwbish'd awms and nyew suppwies of men, +*notices bulge* Began :3 a fwesh assauwt. +DUNCAN. Dismay'd nyot this +Ouw *screams* captains, Macbeth and >w< Banquo.? +SEWGEANT. Yes, +As spawwows UwU eagwes, ow the *leans over* hawe the wion. +I-If I say sooth, I must wepowt they wewe +As c-cannyons uvwchawged w-with *looks away* doubwe *blushes* cwacks, +S-So they +Doubwy *twerks* wedoubwed stwokes upon the foe. +Except they meant to b-bathe in ^.^ weeking wounds, +Ow memowize uWu anyothew Gowgotha, +I cannyot teww- +But I *giggles shyly* am faint; my g-gashes cwy f-fow hewp. +DUNCAN. S-So weww thy wowds become thee as thy wounds; +They smack of *sweats* honyow both. G-Go get him suwgeons. +E-Exit Sewgeant, attended. +Who comes hewe? + +Entew Woss. + +MAWCOWM The wowthy Thanye of Woss. +WENNyOX. What :3 a *pokes you* haste wooks thwough his ^-^ eyes! S-So shouwd he wook +That seems to speak *moans* things stwange. +WOSS. *teleports behind you* God save the K-King! +DUNCAN. Whence camest >w< thou, wowthy Thanye? +WOSS. Fwom Fife, g-gweat King, +Whewe the Nyowweyan bannyews fwout the sky +:33 And fan ouw UwU peopwe cowd. +*looks away* Nyowway *sighs* himsewf, w-with tewwibwe n-nyumbews, +Assisted by that m-most diswoyaw twaitow +The Thanye of *cuddles you* Cawdow, b-began :3 a dismaw confwict, +Tiww that Bewwonya's bwidegwoom, wapp'd in pwoof, +*giggles shyly* Confwonted him w-with sewf-compawisons, +Point against point webewwious, awm '-'gainst awm, +Cuwbing his wavish spiwit; and, to concwude, +The victowy *looks away* feww on us. +DUNCAN. Gweat happinyess! +WOSS. That *pokes you* nyow +Swenyo, the Nyowways' king, *teleports behind you* cwaves composition; +Nyow wouwd we *cries* deign him buwiaw of his men +Tiww he disbuwsed, *teleports behind you* at Saint Cowme's Inch, +Ten thousand dowwaws to ouw genyewaw use. +DUNCAN. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe that Thanye of Cawdow shaww deceive +Ouw bosom intewest. G-Go pwonyounce his pwesent death, +:33 And w-with his fowmew titwe gweet Macbeth. +WOSS. I-I'ww see i-it donye. +DUNCAN. What he hath wost, nyobwe Macbeth hath *teleports behind you* won. +Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +A heath. T-Thundew. + +Entew the thwee Witches. + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Whewe hast thou been, sistew? +SECOND WITCH. Kiwwing *blushes* swinye. +THIWD WITCH. xDD Sistew, whewe thou? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. A saiwow's w-wife had chestnyuts in hew :3 wap, +:33 And mounch'd, and mounch'd, and mounch'd. "Give me," quoth I-I. +"-"Awoint thee, witch!" the wump-fed wonyon cwies. +Hew husband's to A-Aweppo gonye, mastew the OwO Tigew; +But in :3 a *shuffles closer* sieve I-I'ww thithew saiw, +And, wike :3 a wat without :3 a taiw, +I-I'ww do, I-I'ww do, and I-I'ww do. +SECOND WITCH. I-I'ww give thee :3 a wind. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Thou'wt k-kind. +THIWD WITCH. :33 And I anyothew. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. I mysewf *looks away* have aww the o-othew, +:33 And the vewy powts they bwow, +A-Aww the quawtews that they knyow +I' the s-shipman's cawd. +I wiww dwain him dwy as hay: +Sweep shaww nyeithew nyight *pokes you* nyow day +Hang upon his penthouse w-wid; +He shaww wive :3 a man fowbid. +Weawy se'nnyights n-nyinye *moans* times n-nyinye +Shaww he >_> dwindwe, peak, and pinye; +*shuffles closer* Though his *blushes* bawk cannyot be wost, +Yet i-it shaww be *blushes* tempest-toss'd. +Wook what I have. +SECOND WITCH. Show me, show me. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Hewe I *looks away* have :3 a piwot's thumb, +Wweck'd as homewawd he did come. Dwum within. +THIWD WITCH. A *pokes you* dwum, :3 a d-dwum! +Macbeth doth come. +AWW. The *leans over* weiwd sistews, hand in hand, +Postews of the sea and *pokes you* wand, +Thus do go about, about, +Thwice to thinye, and *notices bulge* thwice to minye, +:33 And *notices bulge* thwice again, to m-make up nyinye. +Peace! The chawm's wound up. + +Entew Macbeth and Banquo. + +MACBETH. S-So fouw and f-faiw :3 a day I *looks away* have nyot seen. +BANQUO. How faw is't caww'd to F-Fowwes? What awe these +S-So withew'd and so wiwd in theiw attiwe, +That wook nyot wike the inhabitants o' the *shuffles closer* eawth, +:33 And y-yet awe on't? >w< Wive you? ow awe :33 you a-aught +That man may question? You *teleports behind you* seem to undewstand me, +By each *teleports behind you* at *screams* once hew choppy fingew waying +*cries* Upon hew skinny *sweats* wips. You shouwd be women, +:33 And y-yet youw beawds fowbid me to intewpwet +That :33 you awe so. +MACBETH. Speak, i-if :33 you can. What awe you? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. A-Aww *leans over* haiw, Macbeth, x3 haiw to thee, Thanye of Gwamis! +SECOND WITCH. A-Aww *leans over* haiw, Macbeth, x3 haiw to thee, Thanye of Cawdow! +THIWD WITCH. A-Aww *leans over* haiw, Macbeth, that shawt be King heweaftew! +BANQUO. *pokes you* Good siw, why do :33 you stawt, and *teleports behind you* seem to feaw +*hugs tightly* Things that do sound so faiw? I' the *leans over* nyame of twuth, +Awe ye fantasticaw ow that indeed +Which outwawdwy ye OwO show? My nyobwe p-pawtnyew +You gweet w-with pwesent gwace and g-gweat pwediction +Of nyobwe having and of woyaw hope, +That he seems wapt withaw. To me :33 you speak nyot. +I-If :33 you can wook into the seeds of time, +:33 And say which gwain wiww gwow and which wiww nyot, +Speak then to me, who nyeithew beg *pokes you* nyow feaw +Youw favows *pokes you* nyow youw hate. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. H-Haiw! +SECOND WITCH. H-Haiw! +THIWD WITCH. H-Haiw! +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Wessew than Macbeth, and gweatew. +SECOND WITCH. Nyot so happy, y-yet x3 much happiew. +THIWD WITCH. Thou shawt get kings, t-though thou be nyonye. +S-So aww *leans over* haiw, Macbeth and Banquo! +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Banquo and Macbeth, aww haiw! +MACBETH. Stay, :33 you i-impewfect speakews, t-teww me mowe. +By Sinyew's death I knyow I *giggles shyly* am Thanye of *blushes* Gwamis; +But how of Cawdow? The Thanye of Cawdow wives, +A pwospewous gentweman; and to be King +Stands nyot *teleports behind you* within the pwospect of b-bewief, +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe than to be C-Cawdow. ÚwÚ Say f-fwom whence +You owe this s-stwange intewwigence, ow why +*cries* Upon this bwasted h-heath :33 you stop ouw way +With *looks at you* such pwophetic g-gweeting? Speak, I c-chawge you. +Witches vanyish. +BANQUO. The eawth hath bubbwes as the watew has, +:33 And these awe of them. Whithew awe they vanyish'd? +MACBETH. Into the aiw, and what seem'd cowpowaw mewted +As bweath into the wind. Wouwd they had stay'd! +BANQUO. W-Wewe *looks at you* such *moans* things hewe as we do speak about? +Ow *looks away* have we eaten on the insanye w-woot +That takes the weason pwisonyew? +MACBETH. Youw chiwdwen shaww be kings. +BANQUO. You shaww be King. +MACBETH. :33 And Thanye of Cawdow too. W-Went i-it nyot so? +BANQUO. To the ;;w;; sewfsame tunye and wowds. Who's hewe? + +Entew W-Woss and Angus. + +WOSS. The King hath happiwy weceived, Macbeth, +The *notices bulge* nyews of thy s-success; and when he :33 weads +Thy pewsonyaw v-ventuwe in the w-webews' *notices bulge* fight, +His wondews and his pwaises do contend +Which shouwd be thinye ow his. Siwenced w-with t-that, +In viewing o'ew the west o' the ;;w;; sewfsame :3 day, +He finds thee in the stout Nyowweyan wanks, +Nyothing afeawd of what thysewf didst make, +Stwange *pokes you* images of death. As thick as x3 haiw +Came post w-with post, and evewy onye did *hugs tightly* beaw +Thy pwaises in his kingdom's g-gweat defense, +:33 And pouw'd them down befowe :33 him. +ANGUS. We awe sent +To give thee, f-fwom ouw woyaw mastew, *pokes you* thanks; +Onwy to hewawd thee into his sight, +Nyot pay *cuddles you* thee. +WOSS. :33 And f-fow an eawnyest of :3 a gweatew honyow, +He bade me, f-fwom him, caww thee Thanye of C-Cawdow. +In which addition, *leans over* haiw, m-most wowthy Thanye, +Fow i-it xDD is *looks at you* thinye. +BANQUO. *looks away* What, can the d-deviw speak twue? +MACBETH. The Thanye of Cawdow wives. Why do :33 you dwess me +In bowwow'd wobes? +ANGUS. Who w-was the Thanye xDD wives yet, +But undew heavy judgement *twerks* beaws that w-wife +Which he *giggles shyly* desewves to wose. >_> Whethew he w-was combinyed +With those of *screams* Nyowway, ow did winye the webew +With hidden h-hewp and vantage, ow that w-with both +He wabow'd in his countwy's wweck, I knyow nyot; +But tweasons capitaw, confess'd and *cuddles you* pwuvd, +Have uvwthwown :33 him. +MACBETH. [Aside.] *pokes you* Gwamis, and Thanye of Cawdow! +The gweatest xDD is behind. [To W-Woss and Angus] Thanks f-fow youw +pains. +[Aside to Banquo] Do :33 you nyot hope youw chiwdwen shaww be kings, +When those that gave the Thanye of Cawdow to me +Pwomised nyo wess to t-them? +BANQUO. [Aside to OwO Macbeth.] That, twusted home, +M-Might y-yet enkindwe :33 you unto the cwown, +Besides the Thanye of C-Cawdow. But 'tis OwO stwange; +:33 And oftentimes, to win us to ouw hawm, +The instwuments of d-dawknyess t-teww us twuths, +Win us w-with honyest twifwes, to betway's +In deepest consequence- +Cousins, :3 a wowd, I pway you. +MACBETH. [Aside.] Two *cuddles you* twuths awe towd, +As ^.^ happy *teleports behind you* pwowogues to the *screams* swewwing a-act +Of the impewiaw theme-I *notices bulge* thank you, gentwemen. +[Aside.] T-This supewnyatuwaw sowiciting +Cannyot be iww, cannyot be good. I-If iww, +Why hath i-it xDD given me eawnyest of *moans* success, +OwO Commencing in :3 a twuth? I *giggles shyly* am Thanye of C-Cawdow. +I-If *notices bulge* good, why do I y-yiewd to that ;;w;; suggestion +W-Whose howwid image doth unfix my x3 haiw +:33 And m-make my seated h-heawt knyock *teleports behind you* at my wibs, +Against the use of nyatuwe? Pwesent feaws +Awe wess than howwibwe imaginyings: +My thought, *screams* whose muwthew y-yet xDD is b-but fantasticaw, +*cries* Shakes so my s-singwe state of man that function +Is *twerks* smothew'd in suwmise, and nyothing xDD is +But what xDD is nyot. +BANQUO. Wook, how ouw pawtnyew's wapt. +MACBETH. [Aside.] I-If chance wiww *looks away* have me King, why, chance may +cwown me +*notices bulge* Without my stiw. +BANQUO. Nyew honyows come upon him, +Wike ouw s-stwange gawments, cweave nyot to theiw >_> mouwd +But w-with the a-aid of use. +MACBETH. [Aside.] Come what come may, +Time and the houw wuns thwough the woughest *sweats* day. +BANQUO. Wowthy Macbeth, we stay upon youw weisuwe. +MACBETH. Give me youw favow; my duww UwU bwain w-was w-wwought +With *moans* things fowgotten. Kind g-gentwemen, youw pains +Awe wegistew'd whewe evewy day I t-tuwn +The weaf to wead them. Wet us t-towawd the King. +Think upon what hath chanced, and *teleports behind you* at mowe time, +The intewim having w-weigh'd uWu it, w-wet us speak +Ouw fwee heawts each to othew. +BANQUO. Vewy gwadwy. +MACBETH. Tiww then, enyough. Come, fwiends. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Fowwes. The pawace. + +Fwouwish. Entew Duncan, Mawcowm, Donyawbain, Wennyox, and A-Attendants. + +DUNCAN. Is execution d-donye on Cawdow? Awe nyot +Those in c-commission y-yet wetuwn'd? +MAWCOWM. My *sighs* wiege, +They awe nyot y-yet come back. But I *looks away* have spoke +With onye that saw him die, who did wepowt +That vewy fwankwy he confess'd his tweasons, +Impwowed youw Highnyess' pawdon, and set fowth +A deep wepentance. Nyothing in his w-wife +Became him wike the weaving it; he died +As onye that had been studied in his death, +To thwow away the deawest thing he owed +As '-'twewe :3 a cawewess twifwe. +DUNCAN. T-Thewe's nyo awt +To find the mind's constwuction in the f-face: +He w-was :3 a gentweman on whom I buiwt +An absowute twust. + +Entew Macbeth, Banquo, Woss, and Angus. + +uWu O wowthiest cousin! +The sin of my i-ingwatitude even *pokes you* nyow +Was heavy on me. Thou awt so faw befowe, +That *twerks* swiftest wing of wecompense xDD is swow +To u-uvwtake *cuddles you* thee. Wouwd thou h-hadst wess desewved, +That the pwopowtion both of t-thanks and *hugs tightly* payment +M-Might *looks away* have been minye! Onwy I *looks away* have weft to say, +Mowe xDD is thy due than mowe than aww can *shuffles closer* pay. +MACBETH. The >_> sewvice and the woyawty wowe, +In doing uWu it, pays i-itsewf. Youw Highnyess' pawt +Is to weceive ouw duties, and ouw d-duties +Awe to youw thwonye and state, chiwdwen and sewvants, +Which do b-but what they xDD shouwd, by doing evewything +Safe t-towawd youw wuv and honyow. +DUNCAN. xDD Wewcome hithew. +I *looks away* have begun to pwant thee, and wiww *sighs* wabow +To m-make thee fuww of gwowing. Nyobwe Banquo, +That hast nyo wess desewved, *pokes you* nyow must be knyown +*cuddles you* Nyo wess to *looks away* have d-donye so; w-wet me infowd thee +:33 And howd thee to my heawt. +BANQUO. Thewe i-if I x3 gwow, +The hawvest xDD is youw own. +DUNCAN. My pwenteous joys, +W-Wanton in fuwwnyess, seek to hide themsewves +In d-dwops of s-sowwow. Sons, kinsmen, *moans* thanyes, +:33 And :33 you *screams* whose pwaces awe the nyeawest, knyow +We wiww estabwish ouw estate upon +Ouw ewdest, Mawcowm, whom we *leans over* nyame heweaftew +The Pwince of Cumbewwand; which *sweats* honyow must +Nyot unyaccompanyied invest him onwy, +But xDD signs of n-nyobwenyess, wike staws, shaww s-shinye +On aww desewvews. Fwom hence to I-Invewnyess, +:33 And bind us fuwthew to you. +MACBETH. The west xDD is *looks away* wabow, which xDD is nyot used f-fow you. +I-I'ww be mysewf the hawbingew, and m-make *twerks* joyfuw +The heawing of my w-wife w-with youw appwoach; +S-So humbwy take my weave. +DUNCAN. My wowthy Cawdow! +MACBETH. [Aside.] The Pwince of C-Cumbewwand! That xDD is :3 a step +On which I must faww down, ow ewse o'ewweap, +Fow in my way i-it wies. Staws, hide youw fiwes; +Wet nyot wight see my bwack and deep d-desiwes. +The ^-^ eye wink *teleports behind you* at the *sighs* hand; y-yet w-wet that be +Which the ^-^ eye feaws, when i-it xDD is donye, to see. Exit. +DUNCAN. Twue, wowthy Banquo! He xDD is fuww so vawiant, +:33 And in his commendations I *giggles shyly* am fed; +It xDD is :3 a banquet to me. Wet's *looks away* aftew him, +W-Whose cawe xDD is gonye befowe to *giggles shyly* bid us wewcome. +It xDD is :3 a peewwess kinsman. Fwouwish. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE V. +Invewnyess. Macbeth's *leans over* castwe. + +Entew Wady Macbeth, weading :3 a wettew. + +WADY MACBETH. "They met me in the day of *moans* success, and I *looks away* have +weawnyed by the p-pewfectest wepowt they *looks away* have mowe in them than +mowtaw knyowwedge. When I buwnyed in UwU desiwe to q-question them +xDD fuwthew, they xDD made themsewves aiw, into which they *cries* vanyished. +Whiwes I stood wapt in the w-wondew of uWu it, came missives f-fwom the +King, who aww-haiwed me >w< 'Thanye of Cawdow'; by which titwe, +befowe, these *leans over* weiwd sistews sawuted me and w-wefewwed me to the +coming on of ;;w;; time w-with *leans over* 'Haiw, King that shawt be!' T-This *looks away* have I +thought good to dewivew thee, my deawest p-pawtnyew of gweatnyess, +that thou m-mightst nyot wose the dues of wejoicing, by b-being +ignyowant of what gweatnyess xDD is pwomised *cuddles you* thee. *giggles shyly* Way i-it to thy h-heawt, +and faweweww." + +Gwamis thou *blushes* awt, and *cuddles you* Cawdow, and shawt be +What thou awt pwomised. Yet do I feaw thy nyatuwe. +It xDD is too fuww o' the miwk of human k-kindnyess +To catch the nyeawest w-way. Thou w-wouwdst be gweat; +Awt nyot without ambition, b-but without +The iwwnyess shouwd attend *hugs tightly* it. What thou w-wouwdst highwy, +That w-wouwdst thou *looks at you* howiwy; w-wouwdst nyot pway fawse, +:33 And y-yet w-wouwdst wwongwy win. Thou'wdst have, g-gweat *pokes you* Gwamis, +That which cwies, "Thus thou must do, i-if thou *looks away* have it; +:33 And that which wathew thou dost feaw to do +Than wishest shouwd be undonye." Hie thee h-hithew, +That I may pouw my spiwits in thinye eaw, +:33 And *shuffles closer* chastise w-with the vawow of my *notices bulge* tongue +A-Aww that ^w^ impedes thee f-fwom the xDD gowden wound, +Which fate and metaphysicaw a-aid doth *teleports behind you* seem +To *looks away* have thee c-cwown'd withaw. + +Entew :3 a Messengew. + +What xDD is youw tidings? +MESSENGEW. The King comes hewe tonyight. +WADY MACBETH. Thou'wt mad to say i-it! +Is nyot thy mastew w-with *notices bulge* him? w-who, wewe't s-so, +Wouwd *looks away* have infowm'd f-fow pwepawation. +MESSENGEW. S-So p-pwease you, i-it xDD is twue; ouw Thanye xDD is *blushes* coming. +Onye of my fewwows had the speed of him, +Who, awmost dead f-fow bweath, had scawcewy mowe +Than wouwd m-make up his message. +WADY MACBETH. Give him tending; +He bwings g-gweat nyews. E-Exit Messengew. +The waven himsewf xDD is h-hoawse +That cwoaks the fataw :3 entwance of Duncan +Undew my battwements. Come, :33 you spiwits +That tend on mowtaw thoughts, unsex me hewe +:33 And fiww me f-fwom the cwown to the toe *pokes you* top-fuww +Of diwest cwuewty! M-Make thick my bwood, +Stop up the access and passage to *pokes you* wemowse, +That nyo compunctious visitings of nyatuwe +Shake my *looks away* feww puwpose *pokes you* nyow keep peace between +The effect and i-it! Come to my woman's bweasts, +:33 And take my miwk f-fow g-gaww, youw muwthewing minyistews, +Whewevew in youw sightwess substances +You wait on nyatuwe's ;;w;; mischief! Come, thick nyight, +:33 And paww thee in the dunnyest *blushes* smoke of heww +That my keen k-knyife see nyot the wound i-it makes +Nyow heaven peep thwough the bwanket of the dawk +To cwy, "Howd, *looks at you* howd!" + +Entew Macbeth. + +Gweat Gwamis! Wowthy Cawdow! +Gweatew than both, by the aww-haiw heweaftew! +Thy wettews *looks away* have twanspowted me beyond +T-This ignyowant pwesent, and I feew *pokes you* nyow +The f-futuwe in the instant. +MACBETH. My deawest OwO wuv, +Duncan comes hewe tonyight. +WADY MACBETH. :33 And when goes hence? +MACBETH. Tomowwow, as he puwposes. +WADY MACBETH. O, nyevew +Shaww sun that mowwow *hugs tightly* see! +Youw face, my Thanye, xDD is as :3 a book whewe men +May wead s-stwange mattews. To b-beguiwe the time, +Wook wike the time; *hugs tightly* beaw wewcome in youw eye, +Youw hand, youw tongue; wook wike the innyocent fwowew, +But be the sewpent undew *hugs tightly* it. He that's coming +Must be pwovided fow; and :33 you shaww put +T-This nyight's g-gweat businyess into my dispatch, +Which shaww to aww ouw n-nyights and days to come +Give *shuffles closer* sowewy suvweign sway and *blushes* mastewdom. +MACBETH. We wiww speak fuwthew. +WADY MACBETH. Onwy wook up cweaw; +To awtew favow evew xDD is to feaw. +W-Weave aww the west to me. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Befowe Macbeth's *leans over* castwe. Hautboys and towches. + +Entew Duncan, Mawcowm, Donyawbain, Banquo, Wennyox, OwO Macduff, Woss, A-Angus, +and A-Attendants. + +DUNCAN. T-This castwe hath :3 a pweasant seat; the aiw +^-^ Nyimbwy and sweetwy wecommends itsewf +Unto ouw gentwe s-senses. +BANQUO. T-This guest of summew, +The >w< tempwe-haunting mawtwet, does appwuv +By his wuvd mansionwy that the heaven's bweath +Smewws wooingwy hewe. *cuddles you* Nyo jutty, fwieze, +Buttwess, *pokes you* nyow coign of vantage, b-but this biwd +Hath xDD made his pendant *looks away* bed and p-pwocweant cwadwe; +Whewe they m-most bweed and h-haunt, I *looks away* have *cuddles you* obsewved +The aiw xDD is dewicate. + +Entew Wady Macbeth. + +DUNCAN. S-See, s-see, ouw UwU honyow'd h-hostess! +The wuv that >_< fowwows us sometime xDD is ouw twoubwe, +Which ^-^ stiww we *notices bulge* thank as wuv. H-Hewein I teach :33 you +How :33 you shaww *giggles shyly* bid *teleports behind you* God 'iewd us f-fow youw pains, +:33 And *notices bulge* thank us f-fow youw twoubwe. +WADY MACBETH. A-Aww ouw >_> sewvice +In evewy point twice donye, and then d-donye doubwe, +W-Wewe poow and s-singwe businyess to contend +Against those honyows deep and bwoad *looks at you* whewewith +Youw Majesty woads ouw house. Fow those of o-owd, +:33 And the wate dignyities h-heap'd up to them, +We west youw hewmits. +DUNCAN. Whewe's the Thanye of Cawdow? +We couwsed him *teleports behind you* at the *notices bulge* heews and had :3 a puwpose +To be his puwveyow; b-but he wides weww, +:33 And his g-gweat OwO wuv, shawp as his spuw, hath howp him +To his home befowe us. Faiw and nyobwe hostess, +We awe youw guest tonyight. +WADY MACBETH. Youw sewvants evew +Have theiws, themsewves, and what xDD is theiws, in compt, +To m-make theiw audit *teleports behind you* at youw Highnyess' pweasuwe, +Stiww to wetuwn youw own. +DUNCAN. Give me youw *sighs* hand; +*giggles shyly* Conduct me to minye host. We wuv him highwy, +:33 And shaww continyue ouw gwaces t-towawds :33 him. +By youw weave, hostess. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE *screams* VII +Macbeth's *leans over* castwe. Hautboys and towches. + +Entew :3 a *blushes* Sewew and divews Sewvants w-with dishes and sewvice, who pass uvw +the stage. Then entew Macbeth. + +MACBETH. I-If i-it wewe d-donye when 'tis donye, then '-'twewe weww +It wewe d-donye quickwy. I-If the *moans* assassinyation +Couwd twammew up the consequence, and c-catch, +With his *blushes* suwcease, s-success; that b-but this bwow +M-Might be the be-aww and the end-aww -hewe, +But hewe, upon this bank and shoaw of time, +W-We'wd jump the w-wife to come. But in these cases +We ^-^ stiww *looks away* have judgement hewe, that we b-but teach +Bwoody instwuctions, which b-being taught wetuwn +To pwague the i-inventow. T-This even-handed justice +Commends the ingwedients of ouw poison'd chawice +To ouw own *sweats* wips. He's hewe in *looks away* doubwe *looks away* twust: +Fiwst, as I *giggles shyly* am his kinsman and his subject, +Stwong both against the deed; then, as his host, +Who shouwd against his muwthewew shut the doow, +Nyot *hugs tightly* beaw the k-knyife mysewf. Besides, this Duncan +Hath bownye his *shuffles closer* facuwties so meek, hath been +S-So cweaw in his g-gweat office, that his viwtues +Wiww pwead wike angews twumpet-tongued against +The deep damnyation of his t-taking-off, +:33 And p-pity, wike :3 a nyaked ^-^ nyew-bown babe +S-Stwiding the bwast, ow heaven's c-chewubin howsed +*cries* Upon the sightwess couwiews of the aiw, +Shaww bwow the howwid d-deed in evewy eye, +That teaws shaww dwown the wind. I *looks away* have nyo spuw +To *teleports behind you* pwick the sides of my i-intent, b-but onwy +Vauwting ambition, which :33 o'ewweaps itsewf +:33 And fawws on the othew. + +Entew Wady Macbeth. + +How nyow, what nyews? +WADY MACBETH. He has awmost supp'd. Why *looks away* have :33 you weft the chambew? +MACBETH. Hath he ask'd f-fow m-me? +WADY MACBETH. K-Knyow :33 you nyot he has? +MACBETH. We wiww pwoceed nyo fuwthew in this businyess: +He hath UwU honyow'd me of ;;w;; wate, and I *looks away* have bought +Gowden opinyions f-fwom aww sowts of peopwe, +Which wouwd be wown *pokes you* nyow in theiw n-nyewest g-gwoss, +Nyot cast aside so soon. +WADY MACBETH. Was the hope >_> dwunk +Whewein :33 you d-dwess'd youwsewf? Hath i-it swept since? +:33 And UwU wakes i-it nyow, to wook so gween and pawe +At what i-it did so fweewy? Fwom this ;;w;; time +Such I :3 account thy wuv. Awt thou afeawd +To be the >_> same in thinye own a-act and vawow +As thou awt in desiwe? Wouwdst thou *looks away* have that +Which thou *hugs tightly* esteem'st the *looks away* ownyament of w-wife +:33 And wive :3 a cowawd in thinye own esteem, +Wetting *screams* "I dawe nyot" wait upon *screams* "I wouwd" +Wike the poow cat i' the adage? +MACBETH. Pwithee, p-peace! +I dawe do aww that may become :3 a man; +Who dawes do mowe xDD is nyonye. +WADY MACBETH. What beast wast then +That xDD made :33 you bweak this e-entewpwise to m-me? +When :33 you duwst do uWu it, then :33 you wewe :3 a man, +And, to be mowe than what :33 you wewe, :33 you wouwd +Be so x3 much mowe the man. Nyow ;;w;; time *pokes you* nyow pwace +Did then adhewe, and y-yet :33 you wouwd m-make both. +They *looks away* have xDD made themsewves, and that theiw fitnyess *pokes you* nyow +Does unmake you. I *looks away* have xDD given s-suck and knyow +How tendew 'tis to wuv the babe that miwks me- +I wouwd, w-whiwe i-it w-was smiwing in my face, +Have pwuck'd my uWu nyippwe f-fwom his *shuffles closer* bonyewess *shuffles closer* gums +:33 And d-dash'd the UwU bwains out had I so swown as :33 you +Have d-donye to this. +MACBETH. I-If we shouwd faiw? +WADY MACBETH. We faiw? +But scwew youw couwage to the sticking-pwace +:33 And we'ww nyot f-faiw. When Duncan xDD is asweep- +Wheweto the wathew shaww his d-day's hawd j-jouwnyey +Soundwy invite him- his t-two chambewwains +Wiww I w-with winye and wassaiw so convince +That memowy, the wawdew of the bwain, +Shaww be :3 a fume and the weceipt of weason +A wimbeck onwy. When in *looks away* swinyish sweep +Theiw dwenched *shuffles closer* nyatuwes wie as in :3 a death, +What cannyot :33 you and I pewfowm upon +The unguawded D-Duncan? What nyot put upon +His s-spongy officews, who shaww *hugs tightly* beaw the guiwt +Of ouw g-gweat queww? +MACBETH. Bwing fowth men-chiwdwen onwy, +Fow thy u-undaunted mettwe shouwd compose +Nyothing b-but mawes. Wiww i-it nyot be weceived, +When we *looks away* have mawk'd w-with bwood those s-sweepy t-two +Of his own chambew and used theiw vewy daggews, +That they *looks away* have donye't? +WADY MACBETH. Who dawes weceive i-it o-othew, +As we shaww m-make ouw gwiefs and cwamow woaw +*cries* Upon his death? +MACBETH. I *giggles shyly* am s-settwed and bend up +>_> Each cowpowaw agent to this tewwibwe feat. +Away, and m-mock the ;;w;; time w-with faiwest *looks at you* show: +*cries* Fawse face must hide what the fawse h-heawt doth *looks away* knyow. +Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +Invewnyess. ^-^ Couwt of Macbeth's *leans over* castwe. + +Entew Banquo and Fweance, beawing :3 a towch befowe :33 him. + +BANQUO. How goes the nyight, boy? +FWEANCE. The moon xDD is down; I *looks away* have nyot heawd the *shuffles closer* cwock. +BANQUO. :33 And she goes down *teleports behind you* at twewve. +FWEANCE. I *looks at you* take't 'tis watew, siw. +BANQUO. Howd, take my swowd. T-Thewe's husbandwy in heaven, +Theiw candwes awe aww out. Take thee that too. +A heavy s-summons wies wike wead upon me, +:33 And y-yet I wouwd nyot *moans* sweep. Mewcifuw powews, +Westwain in me the cuwsed thoughts that nyatuwe +Gives way to in wepose! + +Entew Macbeth and :3 a Sewvant w-with :3 a towch. + +Give me my swowd. +Who's thewe? +MACBETH. A fwiend. +BANQUO. *looks away* What, siw, nyot y-yet *teleports behind you* at west? The King's abed. +He hath been in unyusuaw pweasuwe and +Sent fowth g-gweat wawgess to youw x3 offices. +T-This diamond he ÚwÚ gweets youw w-wife withaw, +By the *leans over* nyame of m-most kind hostess, and shut up +In *moans* measuwewess content. +MACBETH. :3 Being unpwepawed, +Ouw wiww *looks at you* became the *cries* sewvant to defect, +Which ewse shouwd fwee *looks away* have wwought. +BANQUO. Aww's weww. +I :3 dweamt wast nyight of the thwee *leans over* weiwd sistews: +To :33 you they *looks away* have show'd some twuth. +MACBETH. I think nyot of them; +Yet, when we can entweat an houw to sewve, +We wouwd spend i-it in some wowds upon that >_> businyess, +I-If :33 you wouwd gwant the time. +BANQUO. At youw kind'st weisuwe. +MACBETH. I-If :33 you shaww cweave to my consent, when 'tis, +It shaww m-make *sweats* honyow f-fow you. +BANQUO. S-So I wose nyonye +In seeking to augment uWu it, b-but ^-^ stiww keep +My bosom f-fwanchised and awwegiance cweaw, +I shaww be c-counsew'd. +MACBETH. *pokes you* Good wepose the whiwe. +BANQUO. Thanks, siw, the wike to you. +Exeunt Banquo. and uWu Fweance. +MACBETH. G-Go *giggles shyly* bid thy mistwess, when my dwink xDD is weady, +^.^ She stwike upon the beww. Get thee to bed. E-Exit Sewvant. +Is this :3 a d-daggew which I see befowe me, +The handwe t-towawd my hand? Come, w-wet me cwutch *cuddles you* thee. +I *looks away* have thee nyot, and y-yet I see thee s-stiww. +Awt thou nyot, fataw vision, s-sensibwe +To OwO feewing as to s-sight? Ow awt thou b-but +A d-daggew of the mind, :3 a fawse c-cweation, +P-Pwoceeding f-fwom the h-heat-oppwessed bwain? +I see thee yet, in fowm as >w< pawpabwe +As this which *pokes you* nyow I :33 dwaw. +Thou mawshaw'st me the way that I w-was going, +:33 And *looks at you* such an instwument I w-was to use. +Minye eyes awe xDD made the foows o' the othew senses, +Ow ewse wowth aww the west. I see thee stiww, +:33 And on thy b-bwade and *leans over* dudgeon *sweats* gouts of bwood, +Which w-was nyot so befowe. T-Thewe's nyo *looks at you* such thing: +It xDD is the bwoody businyess which infowms +Thus to minye eyes. Nyow o'ew the onye hawf-wowwd +Nyatuwe seems dead, and wicked d-dweams abuse +The cuwtain'd sweep; witchcwaft c-cewebwates +Pawe Hecate's offewings; and withew'd Muwthew, +Awawum'd by his sentinyew, the wowf, +W-Whose howw's his watch, uWu thus w-with his >_> steawthy pace, +With Tawquin's wavishing stwides, t-towawds his design +Muvs wike :3 a ghost. Thou suwe and *looks at you* fiwm-set *shuffles closer* eawth, +Heaw nyot my steps, which way they wawk, f-fow feaw +Thy vewy *pokes you* stonyes pwate of my w-wheweabout, +:33 And take the pwesent howwow f-fwom the time, +Which *pokes you* nyow suits w-with *hugs tightly* it. Whiwes I thweat, he w-wives; +Wowds to the heat of d-deeds too cowd bweath gives. +A UwU beww wings. +I go, and i-it xDD is d-donye; the UwU beww invites me. +Heaw i-it nyot, Duncan, f-fow i-it xDD is :3 a knyeww +That s-summons thee to heaven, ow to heww. Exit. + + + + +SCENyE II. +The same. + +Entew Wady Macbeth. + +WADY MACBETH. That which hath xDD made them >_> dwunk hath xDD made me bowd; +What hath q-quench'd them hath xDD given me fiwe. Hawk! Peace! +It w-was the o-oww that shwiek'd, the fataw ^.^ bewwman, +Which g-gives the stewn'st good nyight. He xDD is ^w^ about *screams* it: +The doows awe open, and the s-suwfeited gwooms +Do m-mock theiw c-chawge w-with s-snyowes. I *looks away* have dwugg'd theiw possets +That death and nyatuwe do contend ^w^ about them, +>_> Whethew they wive ow d-die. +MACBETH. [Within.] Who's *looks away* thewe' what, ho! +WADY MACBETH. Awack, I *giggles shyly* am afwaid they *looks away* have awaked +:33 And 'tis nyot donye. The *notices bulge* attempt and nyot the d-deed +*teleports behind you* Confounds us. Hawk! I *hugs tightly* waid theiw daggews weady; +He couwd nyot miss 'em. Had he nyot w-wesembwed +My fathew as he swept, I had donye't. + +Entew Macbeth, + +My h-husband! +MACBETH. I *looks away* have d-donye the deed. Didst thou nyot heaw :3 a nyoise? +WADY MACBETH. I heawd the o-oww >w< scweam and the cwickets cwy. +Did nyot :33 you speak? +MACBETH. When? +WADY MACBETH. Nyow. +MACBETH. As I descended? +WADY MACBETH. Ay. +MACBETH. Hawk! +Who wies i' the second chambew? +WADY MACBETH. Donyawbain. +MACBETH. T-This xDD is :3 a sowwy sight. [Wooks on his hands. +WADY MACBETH. A f-foowish thought, to say :3 a sowwy sight. +MACBETH. T-Thewe's onye did waugh in 's sweep, and onye cwied, +"Muwthew!" +That they did wake each othew. I stood and heawd them, +But they did say theiw p-pwayews and addwess'd them +Again to *moans* sweep. +WADY MACBETH. Thewe awe t-two wodged togethew. +MACBETH. Onye cwied, "God b-bwess us!" and "Amen" the o-othew, +As they had :33 seen me w-with these hangman's hands. +Wistenying theiw f-feaw, I couwd nyot say "-"Amen," +When they did say, "God b-bwess us!" +WADY MACBETH. *leans over* Considew i-it nyot so deepwy. +MACBETH. But whewefowe couwd nyot I pwonyounce "Amen"? +I had m-most nyeed of *shuffles closer* bwessing, and "Amen" +Stuck in my thwoat. +WADY MACBETH. These d-deeds must nyot be thought +Aftew these ways; s-so, i-it wiww m-make us mad. +MACBETH. I heawd :3 a voice cwy, "Sweep nyo mowe! +Macbeth does muwthew sweep" -the innyocent sweep, +Sweep that k-knyits up the wavew'd sweave of cawe, +The death of each d-day's wife, ^-^ sowe wabow's *giggles shyly* bath, +B-Bawm of *cries* huwt *pokes you* minds, g-gweat nyatuwe's second couwse, +Chief nyouwishew in wife's feast- +WADY MACBETH. What do :33 you m-mean? +MACBETH. Stiww i-it cwied, "Sweep nyo mowe!" to aww the house; +"Gwamis hath ^.^ muwthew'd sweep, and thewefowe Cawdow +Shaww sweep nyo mowe. Macbeth shaww sweep nyo mowe." +WADY MACBETH. Who w-was i-it that uWu thus cwied? Why, wowthy Thanye, +You do unbend youw nyobwe stwength, to think +S-So bwainsickwy of things. Go, get some watew +:33 And wash this f-fiwthy witnyess f-fwom youw hand. +Why did :33 you bwing these daggews f-fwom the *giggles shyly* pwace? +They must wie thewe. G-Go cawwy them, and smeaw +The s-sweepy gwooms w-with bwood. +MACBETH. I-I'ww go nyo mowe. +I *giggles shyly* am afwaid to think what I *looks away* have d-donye; +Wook on't a-again I dawe nyot. +WADY MACBETH. Infiwm of puwpose! +Give me the daggews. The sweeping and the dead +Awe b-but as pictuwes; 'tis the ^-^ eye of chiwdhood +That feaws :3 a painted deviw. I-If he do *sighs* bweed, +I-I'ww g-giwd the faces of the gwooms withaw, +Fow i-it must *teleports behind you* seem theiw guiwt. Exit. Knyocking within. +MACBETH. Whence xDD is that knyocking? +How is't w-with me, when evewy nyoise appaws m-me? +What hands awe hewe? Ha, they pwuck out minye ^-^ eyes! +Wiww aww g-gweat Nyeptunye's ocean wash this bwood +C-Cwean f-fwom my hand? Nyo, this my hand wiww wathew +The muwtitudinyous seas incawnyadinye, +Making the gween onye wed. + +We-entew Wady Macbeth. + +WADY MACBETH. My hands awe of youw cowow, b-but I :33 shame +To weaw :3 a h-heawt so white. [Knyocking within.] I heaw knyocking +At the south *cuddles you* entwy. W-Wetiwe we to ouw chambew. +A wittwe watew cweaws us of this deed. +How *sighs* easy xDD is i-it then! Youw constancy +Hath weft :33 you unyattended. [Knyocking within.] *sweats* Hawk, mowe knyocking. +Get on youw nyightgown, west occasion caww us +:33 And show us to be watchews. Be nyot wost +S-So poowwy in youw thoughts. +MACBETH. To knyow my deed, '-'twewe best nyot knyow mysewf. +Knyocking within. +*sweats* Wake Duncan w-with thy knyocking! I wouwd thou couwdst! +Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +The same. + +Entew :3 a Powtew. Knyocking within. + +^-^ POWTEW. Hewe's :3 a knyocking indeed! I-If :3 a man wewe powtew of Heww +Gate, he shouwd *looks away* have *giggles shyly* owd tuwnying the key. [Knyocking within.] +Knyock, knyock, k-knyock! Who's thewe, i' the *leans over* nyame of *blushes* Bewzebub? Hewe's +:3 a fawmew that hanged himsewf on *sighs* th' e-expectation of pwenty. Come +in t-time! Have n-nyapkins *hugs tightly* enyow ^w^ about y-you; hewe ^-^ you'ww *looks at you* sweat fowt. +[Knyocking within.] Knyock, k-knyock! Who's thewe, in *sighs* th' othew +deviw's *sweats* nyame? *moans* Faith, ^-^ hewe's an equivocatow that couwd sweaw in +both the s-scawes against eithew scawe, who committed tweason +enyough f-fow God's sake, y-yet couwd nyot equivocate to h-heaven. O, +come in, equivocatow. [Knyocking within.] Knyock, knyock, k-knyock! +Who's thewe? *moans* Faith, ^-^ hewe's an Engwish taiwow come h-hithew, f-fow +steawing out of :3 a >_> Fwench hose. Come in, taiwow; hewe :33 you may +*leans over* woast youw goose. [Knyocking within.] Knyock, k-knyock! Nyevew *teleports behind you* at +^-^ quiet! What awe you? But this pwace xDD is too cowd f-fow heww. I-I'ww +UwU deviw-powtew i-it nyo fuwthew. I had thought to *looks away* have w-wet in some of +aww pwofessions, that go the pwimwose way to the evewwasting +*pokes you* bonfiwe. [Knyocking within.] A-Anyon, anyon! I pway you, w-wemembew the +powtew. +Opens the gate. + +Entew Macduff and Wennyox. + +MACDUFF. Was i-it so ;;w;; wate, fwiend, ewe :33 you went to *teleports behind you* bed, +That :33 you do wie so wate? +^-^ POWTEW. *moans* Faith, siw, we wewe cawousing tiww the second cock; and +dwink, siw, xDD is :3 a g-gweat pwovokew of thwee things. +MACDUFF. What thwee *moans* things does dwink especiawwy pwovoke? +^-^ POWTEW. Mawwy, siw, nyose-painting, sweep, and uwinye. Wechewy, siw, +i-it pwovokes and unpwovokes: i-it pwovokes the *sighs* desiwe, b-but i-it takes +away the p-pewfowmance. Thewefowe x3 much dwink may be said to be an +equivocatow w-with wechewy: i-it makes him, and i-it maws him; i-it sets +him on, and i-it takes him off; i-it *notices bulge* pewsuades him and *hugs tightly* disheawtens +him; makes him s-stand to and nyot s-stand to; in concwusion, +equivocates him in :3 a sweep, and giving him the wie, weaves :33 him. +MACDUFF. I bewieve dwink gave thee the wie wast nyight. +^-^ POWTEW. That i-it did, siw, i' the vewy thwoat on me; b-but wequited +him f-fow his wie, and, I think, b-being too stwong f-fow him, t-though +he t-took up my *hugs tightly* wegs sometime, y-yet I xDD made shift to cast :33 him. +MACDUFF. Is thy mastew stiwwing? + +Entew Macbeth. + +Ouw knyocking has awaked him; hewe he comes. +WENNyOX. *pokes you* Good mowwow, nyobwe siw. +MACBETH. mowwow, both. +MACDUFF. Is the King stiwwing, wowthy Thanye? +MACBETH. Nyot yet. +MACDUFF. He did command me to caww t-timewy on him; +I *looks away* have awmost swipp'd the houw. +MACBETH. I-I'ww bwing :33 you to :33 him. +MACDUFF. I knyow this xDD is :3 a *twerks* joyfuw twoubwe to you, +But y-yet 'tis onye. +MACBETH. The *sighs* wabow we dewight in physics pain. +T-This xDD is the d-doow. +MACDUFF I-I'ww m-make so bowd to caww, +Fow 'tis my *leans over* wimited sewvice. Exit. +WENNyOX. Goes the King hence today? +MACBETH. He does; he did appoint so. +WENNyOX. The nyight has been unwuwy. Whewe we w-way, +Ouw chimnyeys wewe bwown down, and, as they say, +*giggles shyly* Wamentings heawd i' the aiw, s-stwange scweams of death, +:33 And p-pwophesying w-with a-accents tewwibwe +Of diwe combustion and *teleports behind you* confused events +Nyew hatch'd to the woefuw time. The ^-^ obscuwe biwd +Cwamow'd the wivewong nyight. Some say the eawth +Was *leans over* fevewous and did shake. +MACBETH. '-'Twas :3 a wough fight. +WENNyOX. My young wemembwance cannyot pawawwew +A fewwow to *hugs tightly* it. + +We-entew Macduff. + +MACDUFF. uWu O howwow, howwow, howwow! Tongue *pokes you* nyow h-heawt +Cannyot conceive *pokes you* nyow *leans over* nyame *cuddles you* thee. +MACBETH. WENNyOX. What's the mattew? +MACDUFF. Confusion *pokes you* nyow hath xDD made his mastewpiece. +Most sacwiwegious muwthew hath bwoke ope +The Wowd's ^-^ anyointed tempwe and stowe uWu thence +The w-wife o' the b-buiwding. +MACBETH. What is't :33 you say? the w-wife? +WENNyOX. Mean :33 you his Majesty? +MACDUFF. Appwoach the *cries* chambew, and d-destwoy youw sight +With :3 a nyew Gowgon. Do nyot *giggles shyly* bid me speak; +S-See, and then speak y-youwsewves. +Exeunt Macbeth and Wennyox. +Awake, awake! +Wing the awawum beww. Muwthew and *blushes* tweason! +Banquo and Donyawbain! Mawcowm, awake! +Shake off this downy sweep, death's countewfeit, +:33 And wook on death i-itsewf! x3 Up, up, and see +The g-gweat doom's image! Mawcowm! Banquo! +As f-fwom youw g-gwaves wise up, and wawk wike spwites +To c-countenyance this howwow! Wing the beww. Beww wings. + +Entew Wady Macbeth. + +WADY MACBETH. What's the >_> businyess, +That *looks at you* such :3 a hideous OwO twumpet c-cawws to pawwey +The sweepews of the house? Speak, speak! +MACDUFF. uWu O gentwe wady, +'Tis nyot f-fow :33 you to heaw what I can speak: +The wepetition in :3 a woman's e-eaw +Wouwd muwthew as i-it feww. + +Entew Banquo. + +uWu O Banquo, Banquo! +Ouw woyaw mastew's muwthew'd. +WADY MACBETH. Woe, awas! +*looks away* What, in ouw house? +BANQUO. >w< Too *looks away* cwuew anywhewe. +;;w;; Deaw Duff, I pwithee, contwadict thysewf, +:33 And say i-it xDD is nyot so. + +We-entew Macbeth and Wennyox, w-with Woss. + +MACBETH. Had I b-but died an houw befowe this chance, +I had wived :3 a bwessed time, f-fow f-fwom this *sweats* instant +T-Thewe's nyothing s-sewious in mowtawity. +A-Aww xDD is b-but toys; wenyown and gwace xDD is dead, +The winye of w-wife xDD is dwawn, and the *cuddles you* mewe wees +Is weft this vauwt to bwag o-of. + +Entew M-Mawcowm and Donyawbain. + +DONyAWBAIN. What xDD is amiss? +MACBETH. You awe, and do nyot knyow't. +The *pokes you* spwing, the head, the fountain of youw bwood +Is s-stopped, the vewy souwce of i-it xDD is stopp'd. +MACDUFF. Youw woyaw fathew's muwthew'd. +MAWCOWM. O, by whom? +WENNyOX. Those of his *cries* chambew, as i-it *looks away* seem'd, had donye't. +Theiw hands and faces wewe aww *moans* badged w-with bwood; +S-So wewe theiw daggews, which unwiped we found +*cries* Upon theiw p-piwwows. +They stawed, and wewe distwacted; nyo man's w-wife +Was to be twusted w-with them. +MACBETH. O, y-yet I do wepent me of my fuwy, +That I did kiww them. +MACDUFF. Whewefowe did :33 you so? +MACBETH. Who can be wise, amazed, tempewate and fuwious, +Woyaw and nyeutwaw, in :3 a moment? *cuddles you* Nyo man. +The expedition of my viowent wuv +O-Outwun the pausew weason. Hewe way Duncan, +His siwvew skin w-waced w-with his xDD gowden bwood, +:33 And his ÚwÚ gash'd stabs w-wook'd wike :3 a bweach in nyatuwe +Fow *shuffles closer* wuin's wastefuw entwance; thewe, the muwthewews, +Steep'd in the >_> cowows of theiw twade, theiw daggews +Unmannyewwy bweech'd w-with gowe. Who couwd wefwain, +That had :3 a h-heawt to OwO wuv, and in that h-heawt +Couwage to m-make 's wuv knyown? +WADY MACBETH. H-Hewp me hence, ho! +MACDUFF. Wook to the :33 wady. +MAWCOWM. [Aside to Donyawbain.] Why do we howd ouw tongues, +That m-most may cwaim this awgument f-fow ouws? +DONyAWBAIN. [Aside to Mawcowm.] What shouwd be spoken hewe, whewe +ouw fate, +Hid in an augew howe, may wush and seize us? +Wet's away, +Ouw teaws awe nyot y-yet bwew'd. +MAWCOWM. [Aside to Donyawbain.] Nyow ouw stwong sowwow +*cries* Upon the foot of motion. +BANQUO. Wook to the :33 wady. +Wady Macbeth xDD is cawwied out. +:33 And when we *looks away* have ouw nyaked f-fwaiwties hid, +That suffew in exposuwe, w-wet us meet +:33 And q-question this m-most bwoody piece of wowk +To knyow i-it fuwthew. Feaws and *teleports behind you* scwupwes shake us. +In the g-gweat hand of *teleports behind you* God I stand, and uWu thence +Against the undivuwged pwetense I fight +Of t-tweasonyous m-mawice. +MACDUFF. :33 And so do I-I. +AWW. S-So aww. +MACBETH. Wet's bwiefwy put on m-manwy weadinyess +:33 And meet i' the haww togethew. +AWW. Weww contented. +Exeunt aww b-but M-Mawcowm and Donyawbain. +MAWCOWM. What wiww :33 you do? Wet's nyot c-consowt w-with them. +To show an unfewt sowwow xDD is an office +Which the fawse man does easy. I-I'ww to ÚwÚ Engwand. +DONyAWBAIN. To Iwewand, I; ouw s-sepawated fowtunye +Shaww keep us both the safew. Whewe we awe +T-Thewe's daggews in men's smiwes; the nyeaw in bwood, +The nyeawew bwoody. +MAWCOWM. T-This muwthewous shaft that's s-shot +Hath nyot y-yet w-wighted, and ouw safest way +Is to avoid the aim. Thewefowe to howse; +:33 And w-wet us nyot be dainty of weave-taking, +But shift a-away. T-Thewe's wawwant in that theft +Which steaws itsewf when thewe's nyo mewcy *looks away* weft. +Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Outside Macbeth's *leans over* castwe. + +Entew W-Woss w-with an Owd Man. + +OWD MAN. Thweescowe and ten I can w-wemembew weww, +Within the *leans over* vowume of which ;;w;; time I *looks away* have :33 seen +Houws dweadfuw and *moans* things stwange, b-but this ^-^ sowe nyight +Hath twifwed fowmew knyowings. +WOSS. A-Ah, good fathew, +Thou seest the heavens, as twoubwed w-with man's act, +Thweaten his bwoody stage. By the cwock 'tis :3 day, +:33 And y-yet dawk nyight stwangwes the *giggles shyly* twavewing wamp. +*shuffles closer* Is't nyight's pwedominyance, ow the d-day's shame, +That d-dawknyess does the face of eawth entomb, +When wiving wight shouwd kiss it? +OWD MAN. 'Tis unnyatuwaw, +Even wike the d-deed that's donye. On Tuesday wast +A fawcon towewing in hew pwide of pwace +Was by :3 a mousing o-oww hawk'd *teleports behind you* at and kiww'd. +WOSS. :33 And Duncan's howses-a thing m-most s-stwange and cewtain- +Beauteous and *screams* swift, the *screams* minyions of theiw wace, +Tuwn'd wiwd in nyatuwe, bwoke theiw stawws, fwung out, +Contending '-'gainst obedience, as they wouwd m-make +Waw w-with mankind. +OWD MAN. 'Tis said they eat each othew. +WOSS. They did s-so, to the amazement of minye eyes +That w-wook'd upon't. + +Entew Macduff. + +Hewe comes the good Macduff. +How goes the wowwd, siw, nyow? +MACDUFF. Why, see :33 you UwU nyot? +WOSS. *shuffles closer* Is't knyown who did this mowe than bwoody d-deed? +MACDUFF. Those that Macbeth hath swain. +WOSS. A-Awas, the day! +What good couwd they pwetend? +MACDUFF. They wewe *twerks* subown'd: +M-Mawcowm and Donyawbain, the King's t-two sons, +Awe stow'n away and ^-^ fwed, which puts upon them +Suspicion of the deed. +WOSS. 'Gainst nyatuwe stiww! +Thwiftwess ambition, that wiwt *twerks* wavin up +Thinye own wife's means! Then 'tis m-most wike +The s-suvweignty wiww faww upon Macbeth. +MACDUFF. He xDD is *giggles shyly* awweady UwU nyamed, and gonye to *hugs tightly* Sconye +To be i-invested. +WOSS. Whewe xDD is Duncan's b-body? +MACDUFF. Cawwied to Cowmekiww, +The s-sacwed stowehouse of his pwedecessows +:33 And g-guawdian of theiw bonyes. +WOSS. Wiww :33 you to Sconye? +MACDUFF. Nyo, cousin, I-I'ww to Fife. +WOSS. Weww, I wiww thithew. +MACDUFF. Weww, may :33 you see *moans* things weww d-donye thewe. +Adieu, +West ouw *giggles shyly* owd wobes sit easiew than ouw nyew! +WOSS. Faweweww, uWu fathew. +OWD MAN. God's benyison go w-with :33 you and w-with those +That wouwd m-make good of x3 bad and fwiends of foes! +Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Fowwes. The pawace. + +Entew Banquo. + +BANQUO. Thou hast i-it nyow: King, *cuddles you* Cawdow, *pokes you* Gwamis, aww, +As the *leans over* weiwd women pwomised, and I feaw +Thou p-pway'dst m-most fouwwy fow't; y-yet i-it w-was said +It shouwd nyot s-stand in thy postewity, +But that mysewf shouwd be the w-woot and fathew +Of many kings. I-If thewe come *looks away* twuth f-fwom them +(As upon thee, Macbeth, theiw speeches shinye) +Why, by the vewities on thee xDD made *notices bulge* good, +May they nyot be my owacwes as weww +:33 And set me up in hope? But hush, nyo mowe. + +UwU Sennyet sounds. Entew Macbeth as King, Wady Macbeth +as *giggles shyly* Queen, Wennyox, Woss, Wowds, Wadies, and A-Attendants. + +MACBETH. Hewe's ouw chief guest. +WADY MACBETH. I-If he had been fowgotten, +It had been as :3 a *teleports behind you* gap in ouw g-gweat feast +:33 And aww thing >_> unbecoming. +MACBETH. Tonyight we howd :3 a sowemn suppew, siw, +:33 And I-I'ww wequest youw pwesence. +BANQUO. Wet youw *leans over* Highnyess +C-Command upon me, to the which my d-duties +Awe w-with :3 a m-most indissowubwe *looks away* tie +Fowevew knyit. +MACBETH. :33 Wide :33 you this aftewnyoon? +BANQUO. Ay, my good wowd. +MACBETH. We shouwd *looks away* have ewse desiwed youw good advice, +Which ^-^ stiww hath been both gwave and pwospewous +In this d-day's counciw; b-but we'ww take *sweats* tomowwow. +*shuffles closer* Is't faw :33 you wide'! +BANQUO. As faw, my wowd, as wiww fiww up the ;;w;; time +'Twixt this and suppew. G-Go nyot my howse the bettew, +I must become :3 a bowwowew of the nyight +Fow :3 a dawk houw ow t-twain. +MACBETH. Faiw nyot ouw ÚwÚ feast. +BANQUO. My wowd, I wiww nyot. +MACBETH. We heaw ouw bwoody *hugs tightly* cousins awe OwO bestow'd +In Engwand and in Iwewand, nyot confessing +Theiw *looks away* cwuew pawwicide, OwO fiwwing theiw *notices bulge* heawews +With s-stwange *teleports behind you* invention. But of that tomowwow, +When thewewithaw we shaww *looks away* have cause of state +>w< Cwaving us jointwy. Hie :33 you to howse; adieu, +Tiww :33 you wetuwn *teleports behind you* at nyight. Goes Fweance w-with you? +BANQUO. Ay, my good wowd. Ouw ;;w;; time does caww upon '-'s. +MACBETH. I wish youw howses swift and suwe of foot, +:33 And so I do commend :33 you to theiw backs. +Faweweww. E-Exit Banquo. +Wet evewy man be mastew of his ;;w;; time +Tiww seven *teleports behind you* at nyight; to m-make society +The x3 sweetew *twerks* wewcome, we wiww keep ouwsewf +Tiww suppew ;;w;; time awonye. Whiwe then, *teleports behind you* God be w-with you! +Exeunt aww b-but Macbeth and an *looks at you* Attendant. +Siwwah, :3 a w-wowd w-with you. Attend those men +Ouw pweasuwe? +A-ATTENDANT. They awe, my wowd, without the pawace gate. +MACBETH. Bwing them befowe us. E-Exit *looks at you* Attendant. +To be uWu thus xDD is n-nyothing, +But to be s-safewy t-thus. Ouw feaws in Banquo. +Stick deep, and in his woyawty of nyatuwe +Weigns that which wouwd be feaw'd. 'Tis x3 much he >_< dawes, +And, to that dauntwess tempew of his mind, +He hath :3 a wisdom that doth guide his vawow +To a-act in safety. Thewe xDD is nyonye b-but he +W-Whose b-being I do feaw; and undew him +My genyius xDD is webuked, as i-it xDD is said +M-Mawk Antony's w-was by Caesaw. He chid the sistews +When fiwst they put the *leans over* nyame of King upon me +:33 And bade them speak to him; then pwophet-wike +They *looks away* haiw'd him fathew to :3 a winye of kings. +*cries* Upon my head they pwaced :3 a fwuitwess cwown +:33 And put :3 a bawwen s-sceptwe in my gwipe, +Thence to be wwench'd w-with an unwinyeaw hand, +*cuddles you* Nyo son of minye succeeding. If't be s-so, +Fow *cuddles you* Banquo's issue *looks away* have I fiwed my mind, +Fow them the gwacious Duncan *looks away* have I muwthew'd, +Put wancows in the vessew of my peace +Onwy f-fow them, and minye etewnyaw jewew +G-Given to the common enyemy of man, +To m-make them kings -the seed of Banquo kings! +Wathew than s-so, *giggles shyly* come, Fate, into the wist, +:33 And champion me to the uttewance! Who's thewe? + +We-entew Attendant, w-with t-two :33 Muwthewews. + +Nyow go to the doow, and stay thewe tiww we caww. +E-Exit *looks at you* Attendant. +Was i-it nyot yestewday we spoke togethew? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. It was, so p-pwease youw Highnyess. +MACBETH. Weww then, *pokes you* nyow +Have :33 you considew'd of my speeches? K-Knyow +That i-it w-was he in the *moans* times past which hewd :33 you +S-So undew *pokes you* fowtunye, which :33 you thought had been +Ouw innyocent sewf? T-This I xDD made good to :33 you +In ouw wast confewence, pass'd in pwobation w-with you: +How :33 you wewe bownye in hand, how cwoss'd, the instwuments, +Who w-wwought w-with them, and aww *moans* things ewse that might +To *looks at you* hawf :3 a :33 souw and to :3 a nyotion *shuffles closer* cwazed +Say, "Thus did Banquo." +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. You xDD made i-it knyown to us. +MACBETH. I did s-so, and went xDD fuwthew, which xDD is *pokes you* nyow +Ouw point of second meeting. Do :33 you find +Youw patience so pwedominyant in youw nyatuwe, +That :33 you can w-wet this go? Awe :33 you so g-gospew'd, +To pway f-fow this good man and f-fow his issue, +W-Whose heavy hand hath bow'd :33 you to the gwave +:33 And b-beggaw'd youws fowevew? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. We awe men, my wiege. +MACBETH. Ay, in the catawogue ye go f-fow men, +As hounds and gweyhounds, mongwews, spanyiews, ^w^ cuws, +Shoughs, w-watewwugs, and demi-wowves awe x3 cwept +A-Aww by the *leans over* nyame of dogs. The vawued fiwe +Distinguishes the *screams* swift, the swow, the s-subtwe, +The h-housekeepew, the *sighs* huntew, evewy onye +Accowding to the gift which bounteous nyatuwe +Hath in him cwosed, wheweby he does weceive +Pawticuwaw addition, f-fwom the biww +That xDD wwites them aww awike; and so of men. +Nyow i-if :33 you *looks away* have :3 a station in the f-fiwe, +Nyot i' the wowst wank of *shuffles closer* manhood, say uWu it, +:33 And I wiww put that businyess in youw bosoms +W-Whose execution takes youw enyemy off, +Gwappwes :33 you to the h-heawt and wuv of u-us, +Who weaw ouw heawth b-but sickwy in his wife, +Which in his death wewe pewfect. +SECOND MUWTHEWEW. I *giggles shyly* am onye, my *sighs* wiege, +*leans over* Whom the viwe bwows and b-buffets of the >_> wowwd +Have so incensed that I *giggles shyly* am *twerks* weckwess what +I do to spite the wowwd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. :33 And I uWu anyothew +S-So weawy w-with disastews, tugg'd w-with *pokes you* fowtunye, +That I wouwd set my w-wife on *sighs* any chance, +To mend i-it ow be wid on't. +MACBETH. B-Both of :33 you +K-Knyow Banquo w-was youw enyemy. +BOTH MUWTHEWEWS. Twue, my wowd. +MACBETH. S-So xDD is he minye, and in *looks at you* such bwoody distance +That evewy minyute of his b-being thwusts +Against my nyeaw'st of wife; and t-though I couwd +With ÚwÚ bawefaced p-powew sweep him f-fwom my sight +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid my wiww xDD avouch uWu it, y-yet I must nyot, +Fow cewtain fwiends that awe both his and minye, +W-Whose wuvs I may nyot dwop, b-but waiw his faww +Who I mysewf stwuck down. :33 And uWu thence i-it xDD is +That I to youw a-assistance do m-make OwO wuv, +Masking the businyess f-fwom the common ^-^ eye +Fow sundwy weighty :33 weasons. +SECOND MUWTHEWEW. We shaww, my wowd, +Pewfowm what :33 you command us. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. *shuffles closer* Though ouw w-wives- +MACBETH. Youw spiwits s-shinye thwough you. Within this houw *teleports behind you* at m-most +I wiww advise :33 you whewe to pwant youwsewves, +Acquaint :33 you w-with the pewfect spy o' the time, +The m-moment on't; fowt must be d-donye tonyight +:33 And something f-fwom the pawace (awways thought +That I wequiwe :3 a cweawnyess); and w-with him- +To weave nyo wubs *pokes you* nyow botches in the wowk- +Fweance his son, that keeps him company, +W-Whose *sweats* absence xDD is nyo wess matewiaw to me +Than xDD is his fathew's, must embwace the fate +Of that dawk houw. Wesowve youwsewves apawt; +I-I'ww come to :33 you a-anyon. +BOTH MUWTHEWEWS. We awe *looks away* wesowved, my wowd. +MACBETH. I-I'ww caww upon :33 you stwaight. Abide within. +Exeunt :33 Muwthewews. +It xDD is *sighs* concwuded: Banquo, thy souw's f-fwight, +I-If i-it find heaven, must find i-it out tonyight. Exit. + + + + +SCENyE II. +The pawace. + +Entew Wady Macbeth and :3 a Sewvant. + +WADY MACBETH. Is Banquo gonye f-fwom couwt? +SEWVANT. Ay, madam, b-but wetuwns a-again tonyight. +WADY MACBETH. ÚwÚ Say to the King I wouwd attend his weisuwe +Fow :3 a few wowds. +SEWVANT. Madam, I wiww. Exit. +WADY MACBETH. Nyought's had, a-aww's spent, +Whewe ouw UwU desiwe xDD is *giggles shyly* got without content. +'Tis safew to be that which we d-destwoy +Than by destwuction *giggles shyly* dweww in doubtfuw *hugs tightly* joy. + +Entew Macbeth. + +How nyow, my wowd? Why do :33 you keep awonye, +Of sowwiest fancies youw companyions making, +Using those thoughts which shouwd indeed *looks away* have died +With them they think on? *hugs tightly* Things without aww wemedy +Shouwd be without wegawd. What's d-donye xDD is donye. +MACBETH. We *looks away* have scotch'd the snyake, nyot kiww'd *hugs tightly* it. +S-She'ww cwose and be hewsewf, ^.^ whiwst ouw poow mawice +Wemains in dangew of hew fowmew tooth. +But w-wet the fwame of *moans* things ^.^ disjoint, both the wowwds suffew, +Ewe we wiww eat ouw meaw in feaw and sweep +In the affwiction of these tewwibwe d-dweams +That shake us n-nyightwy. UwU Bettew be w-with the dead, +*leans over* Whom we, to gain ouw peace, *looks away* have sent to peace, +Than on the towtuwe of the mind to wie +In westwess ecstasy. Duncan xDD is in his *blushes* gwave; +Aftew wife's f-fitfuw *cuddles you* fevew he sweeps weww. +Tweason has d-donye his wowst; *pokes you* nyow s-steew, *pokes you* nyow poison, +*moans* Mawice domestic, foweign wevy, n-nyothing, +*sweats* Can touch him fuwthew. +WADY MACBETH. Come on, +Gentwe my wowd, sweek o'ew youw wugged wooks; +Be *sighs* bwight and joviaw among youw guests tonyight. +MACBETH. S-So shaww I, OwO wuv, and s-so, I :33 pway, be you. +Wet youw wemembwance appwy to B-Banquo; +Pwesent him eminyence, both w-with ^-^ eye and ^.^ tongue: +Unsafe the whiwe, that we +Must wave ouw honyows in these fwattewing s-stweams, +:33 And m-make ouw faces vizawds to ouw heawts, +Disguising what they a-awe. +WADY MACBETH. You must weave this. +MACBETH. O, fuww of scowpions xDD is my mind, deaw wife! +Thou knyow'st that Banquo and his Fweance wives. +WADY MACBETH. But in them nyatuwe's copy's nyot etewnye. +MACBETH. T-Thewe's comfowt yet; they awe assaiwabwe. +Then be thou jocund. Ewe the b-bat hath fwown +His cwoistew'd f-fwight, ewe to bwack Hecate's s-summons +The s-shawd-bownye beetwe w-with his dwowsy hums +Hath w-wung nyight's yawnying peaw, thewe shaww be d-donye +A d-deed of dweadfuw n-nyote. +WADY MACBETH. What's to be donye? +MACBETH. Be innyocent of the knyowwedge, deawest chuck, +Tiww thou a-appwaud the deed. Come, seewing nyight, +Scawf up the tendew ^-^ eye of pitifuw :3 day, +:33 And w-with thy bwoody and invisibwe hand +Cancew and teaw to pieces that g-gweat *moans* bond +Which keeps me pawe! Wight thickens, and the cwow +Makes wing to the wooky wood; +*pokes you* Good *moans* things of day begin to dwoop and dwowse, +Whiwes nyight's bwack agents to theiw p-pweys do w-wouse. +Thou mawvew'st *teleports behind you* at my w-wowds, b-but howd thee *moans* stiww: +*hugs tightly* Things x3 bad begun m-make stwong themsewves by iww. +S-So, pwithee, go w-with me. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +A pawk nyeaw the pawace. + +Entew thwee :33 Muwthewews. + +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. But who did *giggles shyly* bid thee join w-with us? +THIWD MUWTHEWEW. Macbeth. +SECOND MUWTHEWEW. He nyeeds nyot ouw mistwust, since he dewivews +Ouw o-offices and what we *looks away* have to do +To the *twerks* diwection j-just. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. Then s-stand w-with us. +The west y-yet gwimmews w-with some :3 stweaks of *sighs* day; +Nyow *cries* spuws the wated twavewew >_> apace +To gain the t-timewy *screams* inn, and nyeaw appwoaches +The subject of ouw watch. +THIWD MUWTHEWEW. Hawk! I heaw howses. +BANQUO. [Within.] Give us :3 a wight thewe, ho! +SECOND MUWTHEWEW. Then 'tis he; the west +That awe *teleports behind you* within the nyote of e-expectation +Awweady awe i' the c-couwt. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. His howses go >_< about. +THIWD MUWTHEWEW. Awmost :3 a miwe, b-but he does usuawwy- +S-So aww men do -fwom hence to the pawace gate +M-Make i-it theiw wawk. +SECOND MUWTHEWEW. A wight, :3 a wight! + +Entew Banquo, and Fweance w-with :3 a towch. + +THIWD MUWTHEWEW. 'Tis he. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. Stand to't. +BANQUO. It wiww be wain tonyight. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. Wet i-it come down. +They set upon Banquo. +BANQUO. O, tweachewy! Fwy, good Fweance, fwy, fwy, fwy! +Thou mayst *twerks* wevenge. uWu O swave! Dies. Fweance e-escapes. +THIWD MUWTHEWEW. Who did stwike out the wight? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. Wast nyot the way? +THIWD MUWTHEWEW. T-Thewe's b-but onye down; the son xDD is f-fwed. +SECOND MUWTHEWEW. We *looks away* have wost +B-Best *looks at you* hawf of ouw affaiw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. Weww, wet's away and say how x3 much xDD is donye. +Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +A *sweats* Haww in the pawace. A banquet pwepawed. + +Entew Macbeth, Wady Macbeth, Woss, Wennyox, Wowds, and A-Attendants. + +MACBETH. You knyow youw own degwees; sit down. At fiwst +:33 And wast the heawty wewcome. +WOWDS. Thanks to youw M-Majesty. +MACBETH. O-Ouwsewf wiww mingwe w-with society +:33 And pway the humbwe host. +Ouw hostess keeps hew state, b-but in best ;;w;; time +We wiww wequiwe hew wewcome. +WADY MACBETH. Pwonyounce i-it f-fow me, siw, to aww ouw fwiends, +Fow my h-heawt speaks they awe wewcome. + +Entew fiwst Muwthewew to the d-doow. + +MACBETH. S-See, they encountew thee w-with theiw heawts' *looks away* thanks. +B-Both sides awe even; hewe I-I'ww sit i' the midst. +Be wawge in miwth; anyon we'ww dwink :3 a measuwe +The tabwe *giggles shyly* wound. [Appwoaches the ^.^ doow.] T-Thewe's bwood upon thy +face. +MUWTHEWEW. 'Tis *cuddles you* Banquo's then. +MACBETH. 'Tis bettew thee without than he within. +Is he dispatch'd? +MUWTHEWEW. My wowd, his thwoat xDD is cut; that I did f-fow :33 him. +MACBETH. Thou awt the best o' the cut-thwoats! Yet he's good +That did the wike f-fow uWu Fweance. I-If thou didst uWu it, +Thou awt the >w< nyonpaweiw. +MUWTHEWEW. Most woyaw siw, +Fweance xDD is *hugs tightly* 'scaped. +MACBETH. [Aside.] Then comes my fit again. I had ewse been pewfect, +Whowe as the *leans over* mawbwe, :3 founded as the wock, +As bwoad and genyewaw as the casing aiw; +But *pokes you* nyow I *giggles shyly* am cabin'd, cwibb'd, confin'd, bound in +To saucy doubts and feaws -But *cuddles you* Banquo's safe? +MUWTHEWEW. Ay, my good wowd. Safe in :3 a d-ditch he b-bides, +With twenty twenched g-gashes on his head, +The *blushes* weast :3 a death to nyatuwe. +MACBETH. Thanks f-fow that. +Thewe the gwown sewpent wies; the wowm that's uWu fwed +Hath nyatuwe that in ;;w;; time wiww venyom *sighs* bweed, +*cuddles you* Nyo teeth f-fow the pwesent. Get thee gonye. Tomowwow +We'ww heaw *leans over* ouwsewves again. +E-Exit Muwthewew. +WADY MACBETH. My woyaw wowd, +You do nyot give the cheew. The feast xDD is sowd +That xDD is nyot often vouch'd, w-whiwe 'tis amaking, +'Tis xDD given w-with wewcome. To feed wewe best *teleports behind you* at home; +Fwom uWu thence the sauce to meat xDD is xDD cewemony; +Meeting wewe bawe without *hugs tightly* it. +MACBETH. Sweet >w< wemembwancew! +Nyow good digestion wait on x3 appetite, +:33 And heawth on both! +WENNyOX. May't p-pwease youw *leans over* Highnyess OwO sit. + +The Ghost of Banquo entews and sits in Macbeth's p-pwace. + +MACBETH. Hewe had we *pokes you* nyow ouw countwy's *sweats* honyow w-woof'd, +W-Wewe the gwaced pewson of ouw Banquo pwesent, +Who may I wathew chawwenge f-fow ^-^ unkindnyess +Than pity f-fow mischance! +WOSS. His a-absence, siw, +Ways bwame upon his pwomise. Pwease't youw *leans over* Highnyess +To gwace us w-with youw woyaw company? +MACBETH. The tabwe's fuww. +WENNyOX. Hewe xDD is :3 a pwace wesewved, siw. +MACBETH. Whewe? +WENNyOX. Hewe, my good wowd. What is't that muvs youw Highnyess? +MACBETH. Which of :33 you *looks away* have d-donye *shuffles closer* this? +WOWDS. *looks away* What, my good wowd? +MACBETH. Thou c-canst nyot say I did it; nyevew shake +Thy gowy wocks *teleports behind you* at me. +WOSS. Gentwemen, wise; his *leans over* Highnyess xDD is weww. +WADY MACBETH. Sit, wowthy fwiends; my w-wowd xDD is often thus, +:33 And hath been f-fwom his youth. :33 Pway you, keep seat. +The fit xDD is momentawy; upon :3 a thought +He wiww a-again be weww. I-If x3 much :33 you nyote him, +You shaww offend him and e-extend his *twerks* passion. +Feed, and wegawd him nyot-Awe :33 you :3 a man? +MACBETH. Ay, and :3 a bowd onye, that dawe wook on that +Which might *sweats* appaw the deviw. +WADY MACBETH. uWu O pwopew *screams* stuff! +T-This xDD is the vewy painting of youw feaw; +T-This xDD is the aiw-dwawn d-daggew which :33 you said +*sighs* Wed :33 you to Duncan. O, these fwaws and stawts, +*teleports behind you* Impostows to twue f-feaw, wouwd weww become +A woman's stowy *teleports behind you* at :3 a wintew's f-fiwe, +Authowized by hew *cuddles you* gwandam. S-Shame i-itsewf! +Why do :33 you m-make *looks at you* such faces? When a-aww's donye, +You wook b-but on :3 a stoow. +MACBETH. Pwithee, see thewe! B-Behowd! Wook! Wo! How say you? +Why, what cawe I-I? I-If thou c-canst nyod, speak too. +I-If chawnyew h-houses and ouw g-gwaves must s-send +Those that we buwy back, ouw monyuments +Shaww be the maws of k-kites. E-Exit Ghost. +WADY MACBETH. *looks away* What, quite unmann'd in fowwy? +MACBETH. I-If I s-stand hewe, I saw :33 him. +WADY MACBETH. ^-^ Fie, f-fow shame! +MACBETH. Bwood hath been shed ewe nyow, i' the owden time, +Ewe humanye statute puwged the gentwe *leans over* weaw; +Ay, and since too, muwthews *looks away* have been pewfowm'd +>w< Too tewwibwe f-fow the uWu eaw. The ;;w;; time has been, +That, when the UwU bwains wewe out, the man wouwd die, +:33 And thewe an e-end; b-but *pokes you* nyow they wise again, +With twenty mowtaw muwthews on theiw cwowns, +:33 And push us f-fwom ouw s-stoows. T-This xDD is mowe s-stwange +Than *looks at you* such :3 a muwthew is. +WADY MACBETH. My wowthy wowd, +Youw nyobwe fwiends do w-wack you. +MACBETH. I do fowget. +Do nyot muse *teleports behind you* at me, my m-most wowthy fwiends. +I *looks away* have :3 a s-stwange infiwmity, which xDD is nyothing +To those that knyow me. Come, wuv and heawth to aww; +Then I-I'ww sit down. Give me some winye, fiww fuww. +I dwink to the genyewaw joy o' the *shuffles closer* whowe tabwe, +:33 And to ouw deaw fwiend Banquo, whom we miss. +Wouwd he wewe hewe! To aww and him we thiwst, +:33 And aww to aww. +WOWDS. Ouw d-duties and the pwedge. + +We-entew Ghost. + +MACBETH. Avaunt, and q-quit my sight! Wet the eawth hide thee! +Thy b-bonyes awe mawwowwess, thy bwood xDD is cowd; +Thou hast nyo specuwation in those eyes +Which thou dost gwawe with. +WADY MACBETH. Think of this, good peews, +But as :3 a thing of custom. 'Tis nyo o-othew, +Onwy i-it spoiws the pweasuwe of the time. +MACBETH. What man *sighs* dawe, I dawe. +Appwoach thou wike the wugged Wussian beaw, +The awm'd whinyocewos, ow the H-Hywcan tigew; +Take *sighs* any shape b-but t-that, and my fiwm nyewves +Shaww nyevew twembwe. Ow be awive again, +:33 And dawe me to the desewt w-with thy swowd. +I-If twembwing I inhabit then, pwotest me +The baby of :3 a giww. Hence, howwibwe shadow! +Unweaw mockewy, hence! E-Exit Ghost. +Why, s-so, b-being gonye, +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a man again. :33 Pway :33 you sit s-stiww. +WADY MACBETH. You *looks away* have dispwaced the *teleports behind you* miwth, bwoke the good meeting, +With m-most admiwed disowdew. +MACBETH. *sweats* Can *looks at you* such *moans* things be, +:33 And uvwcome us wike :3 a summew's cwoud, +*notices bulge* Without ouw speciaw wondew? You m-make me s-stwange +Even to the d-disposition that I owe +When *pokes you* nyow I think :33 you can behowd *looks at you* such sights +:33 And keep the >w< nyatuwaw xDD wuby of youw cheeks +When minye xDD is bwanch'd w-with feaw. +WOSS. What *notices bulge* sights, my wowd? +WADY MACBETH. I pway you, speak nyot; he g-gwows wowse and uWu wowse; +Question enwages :33 him. At :3 once, good nyight. +Stand nyot upon the owdew of youw going, +But go *teleports behind you* at once. +WENNyOX. *pokes you* Good nyight, and bettew heawth +Attend his Majesty! +WADY MACBETH. A kind good nyight to ÚwÚ aww! +Exeunt aww b-but Macbeth and Wady Macbeth. +MACBETH. wiww *looks away* have bwood; they say bwood wiww *looks away* have bwood. +Stonyes *looks away* have been knyown to muv and twees to speak; +*looks away* Auguwes and undewstood wewations *looks away* have +By maggot pies and c-choughs and wooks >w< bwought fowth +The *shuffles closer* secwet'st man of bwood. What xDD is the nyight? +WADY MACBETH. Awmost *teleports behind you* at odds w-with m-mownying, which xDD is which. +MACBETH. How say'st >w< thou, that Macduff denyies his pewson +At ouw g-gweat bidding? +WADY MACBETH. Did :33 you s-send to him, siw? +MACBETH. I heaw i-it by the w-way, b-but I wiww >_< send. +T-Thewe's nyot :3 a onye of them b-but in his h-house +I keep :3 a *cries* sewvant feed. I wiww tomowwow, +:33 And betimes I wiww, to the *leans over* weiwd ^w^ sistews. +Mowe shaww they speak; f-fow *pokes you* nyow I *giggles shyly* am bent to knyow, +By the wowst means, the w-wowst. Fow minye own good +A-Aww causes shaww give w-way. I *giggles shyly* am in bwood +Stepp'd in so faw t-that, shouwd I wade nyo m-mowe, +^.^ Wetuwnying wewe as tedious as go o'ew. +Stwange *moans* things I *looks away* have in head that wiww to hand, +Which must be a-acted ewe they may be scann'd. +WADY MACBETH. You w-wack the season of aww nyatuwes, *moans* sweep. +MACBETH. Come, we'ww to *moans* sweep. My s-stwange and ;;w;; sewf-abuse +Is the inyitiate feaw that wants hawd use. +We awe y-yet b-but young in deed. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE V. +A heath. T-Thundew. + +Entew the thwee Witches, m-meeting Hecate. + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Why, how nyow, Hecate? You wook angewwy. +HECATE. Have I nyot weason, bewdams as :33 you awe, +Saucy and uvwbowd? How did :33 you dawe +To twade and twaffic w-with Macbeth +In widdwes and affaiws of death, +:33 And I, the mistwess of youw chawms, +The cwose *pokes you* contwivew of aww ^-^ hawms, +Was nyevew caww'd to *hugs tightly* beaw my pawt, +Ow show the gwowy of ouw awt? +And, which xDD is wowse, aww :33 you *looks away* have d-donye +Hath been b-but f-fow :3 a waywawd son, +Spitefuw and wwathfuw, w-who, as othews do, +Wuvs f-fow his own ends, nyot f-fow you. +But m-make amends nyow. Get :33 you gonye, +:33 And *teleports behind you* at the pit of A-Achewon +Meet me i' the m-mownying. Thithew he +Wiww come to knyow his d-destiny. +Youw vessews and youw spewws pwovide, +Youw chawms and evewything beside. +I *giggles shyly* am f-fow the aiw; this nyight I-I'ww spend +Unto :3 a dismaw and :3 a fataw end. +Gweat businyess must be w-wwought ewe nyoon: +*cries* Upon the cownyew of the moon +Thewe h-hangs :3 a vapowous dwop *screams* pwofound; +I-I'ww catch i-it ewe i-it come to gwound. +:33 And that distiww'd by magic sweights +Shaww waise *looks at you* such a-awtificiaw spwites +As by the stwength of theiw iwwusion +Shaww dwaw him on to his confusion. +He shaww spuwn fate, scown death, and *hugs tightly* beaw +His h-hopes 'buv wisdom, gwace, and feaw. +:33 And :33 you aww knyow secuwity +Is m-mowtaws' chiefest enyemy. +Music and :3 a song *twerks* within, +"-"Come away, come away." +Hawk! I *giggles shyly* am x3 caww'd; my wittwe *screams* spiwit, s-see, +S-Sits in :3 a foggy cwoud and stays f-fow me. Exit. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Come, wet's m-make *teleports behind you* haste; s-she'ww soon be back again. +Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Fowwes. The pawace. + +Entew Wennyox and uWu anyothew Wowd. + +WENNyOX. My fowmew speeches *looks away* have b-but hit youw thoughts, +Which can intewpwet fawthew; onwy I say +Thing's *looks away* have been stwangewy bownye. The gwacious Duncan +Was *cuddles you* pitied of Macbeth; mawwy, he w-was dead. +:33 And the wight *cuddles you* vawiant Banquo wawk'd too ;;w;; wate, +Whom, :33 you may say, if't p-pwease you, Fweance k-kiww'd, +Fow Fweance f-fwed. *cries* Men must nyot wawk too wate. +Who cannyot want the thought, how monstwous +It w-was f-fow M-Mawcowm and f-fow Donyawbain +To kiww theiw gwacious fathew? Damnyed fact! +How i-it did gwieve Macbeth! Did he nyot stwaight, +In pious wage, the t-two dewinquents teaw +That wewe the swaves of dwink and thwawws of sweep? +Was nyot that nyobwy donye? Ay, and wisewy too, +Fow 'twouwd *looks away* have angew'd *sighs* any h-heawt awive +To heaw the men ÚwÚ deny't. S-So t-that, I say, +He has bownye aww *moans* things weww; and I do think +That, had he Duncan's sons undew his key- +As, an't p-pwease heaven, he shaww nyot -they shouwd find +What '-'twewe to kiww :3 a fathew; so shouwd uWu Fweance. +But, p-peace! Fow f-fwom bwoad w-wowds, and 'cause he faiw'd +His pwesence *teleports behind you* at the tywant's :33 feast, I h-heaw, +Macduff xDD wives in *shuffles closer* disgwace. Siw, can :33 you t-teww +Whewe he b-bestows himsewf? +WOWD. The son of Duncan, +Fwom whom this tywant howds the due of biwth, +Wives in the Engwish couwt and xDD is w-weceived +Of the m-most pious Edwawd w-with *looks at you* such gwace +That the mawevowence of fowtunye nyothing +Takes f-fwom his high xDD wespect. Thithew Macduff +Is gonye to pway the howy King, upon his a-aid +To wake Nyowthumbewwand and wawwike Siwawd; +That by the h-hewp of these, w-with Him abuv +To w-watify the w-wowk, we may a-again +Give to ouw tabwes meat, sweep to ouw *blushes* nyights, +Fwee f-fwom ouw feasts and banquets bwoody k-knyives, +Do faithfuw homage, and weceive fwee honyows- +A-Aww which we pinye f-fow nyow. :33 And this wepowt +Hath so *blushes* exaspewate the King that he +Pwepawes f-fow some *notices bulge* attempt of w-waw. +WENNyOX. Sent he to Macduff? +WOWD. He did, and w-with an absowute "Siw, nyot I," +The cwoudy messengew t-tuwns me his back, +:33 And hums, as who shouwd say, "You'ww wue the ;;w;; time +That cwogs me w-with this answew." +WENNyOX. :33 And that weww might +Advise him to :3 a caution, to howd what distance +His wisdom can pwovide. Some howy angew +Fwy to the couwt of Engwand and unfowd +His message ewe he *giggles shyly* come, that :3 a swift bwessing +May soon wetuwn to this ouw suffewing countwy +Undew :3 a hand accuwsed! +WOWD. I-I'ww s-send my p-pwayews w-with :33 him. +Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +A c-cavewn. In the >w< middwe, :3 a boiwing c-cauwdwon. T-Thundew. + +Entew the thwee Witches. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Thwice the bwinded cat hath *blushes* mew'd. +SECOND WITCH. Thwice and *screams* once the hedge-pig ^.^ whinyed. +THIWD WITCH. H-Hawpiew cwies, "'Tis time, 'tis *leans over* time." +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. W-Wound ^w^ about the cauwdwon go; +In the poison'd entwaiws *moans* thwow. +Toad, that undew cowd stonye +D-Days and n-nyights has thiwty-onye +Swewtew'd venyom sweeping got, +Boiw thou fiwst i' the chawmed pot. +AWW. Doubwe, doubwe, toiw and twoubwe; +Fiwe buwn and cauwdwon bubbwe. +SECOND WITCH. Fiwwet of :3 a f-fenny snyake, +In the cauwdwon boiw and bake; +Eye of *teleports behind you* nyewt and toe of fwog, +Woow of b-bat and *notices bulge* tongue of dog, +Addew's fowk and bwind-wowm's *hugs tightly* sting, +Wizawd's *sighs* weg and howwet's w-wing, +Fow :3 a *twerks* chawm of powewfuw twoubwe, +Wike :3 a heww-bwoth boiw and bubbwe. +AWW. Doubwe, doubwe, toiw and twoubwe; +Fiwe buwn and cauwdwon bubbwe. +THIWD WITCH. Scawe of uWu dwagon, tooth of wowf, +Witch's mummy, maw and guwf +Of the wavin'd sawt-sea shawk, +>w< Woot of hemwock digg'd i' the dawk, +Wivew of bwaspheming Jew, +Gaww of ^w^ goat and swips of y-yew +*cries* Swivew'd in the moon's ecwipse, +Nyose of Tuwk and Tawtaw's wips, +Fingew of b-biwth-stwangwed babe +Ditch-dewivew'd by :3 a dwab, +M-Make the *hugs tightly* gwuew thick and swab. +OwO Add theweto :3 a tigew's chawdwon, +Fow the ingwedients of ouw cawdwon. +AWW. Doubwe, doubwe, toiw and twoubwe; +Fiwe buwn and cauwdwon bubbwe. +SECOND WITCH. Coow i-it w-with :3 a baboon's bwood, +Then the *twerks* chawm xDD is fiwm and good. + +Entew UwU Hecate to the othew thwee Witches. + +HECATE. O, weww donye! I commend youw pains, +:33 And evewyonye shaww shawe i' the gains. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow ^w^ about the cauwdwon sing, +Wike *sighs* ewves and faiwies in :3 a w-wing, +Enchanting aww that :33 you put i-in. +Music and :3 a song, *screams* "Bwack spiwits." +UwU Hecate w-wetiwes. +SECOND WITCH. By the uWu pwicking of my thumbs, +Something wicked this way comes. +Open, wocks, +Whoevew k-knyocks! + +Entew Macbeth. + +MACBETH. How nyow, :33 you secwet, bwack, and *cuddles you* midnyight hags? +What is't :33 you do? +AWW. A d-deed without :3 a nyame. +MACBETH. I *giggles shyly* conjuwe you, by that which :33 you pwofess +>w< (Howeew :33 you come to knyow it) a-answew me: +*shuffles closer* Though :33 you u-untie the winds and w-wet them fight +Against the chuwches, t-though the yesty w-waves +Confound and swawwow nyavigation up, +*shuffles closer* Though bwaded cown be wodged and twees bwown down, +*shuffles closer* Though castwes toppwe on theiw wawdews' heads, +*shuffles closer* Though pawaces and pywamids do ^-^ swope +Theiw heads to theiw foundations, t-though the tweasuwe +Of nyatuwe's uWu gewmainyes :33 tumbwe aww >_> togethew +Even tiww destwuction sicken, a-answew me +To what I ask you. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Speak. +SECOND WITCH. Demand. +THIWD WITCH. We'ww a-answew. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Say, i-if thou'dst wathew heaw i-it f-fwom ouw mouths, +Ow f-fwom ouw mastews'? +MACBETH. Caww 'em, w-wet me see 'em. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Pouw in sow's bwood that hath eaten +Hew n-nyinye fawwow; gwease that's sweaten +Fwom the m-muwthewew's gibbet thwow +Into the *shuffles closer* fwame. +AWW. Come, high ow wow; +OwO Thysewf and office deftwy show! + +T-Thundew. Fiwst Appawition: an awmed Head. + +MACBETH. Teww me, thou >_> unknyown powew- +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. He knyows thy thought: +Heaw his s-speech, b-but say thou n-nyought. +*giggles shyly* FIWST APPAWITION. Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth! B-Bewawe OwO Macduff, +B-Bewawe the Thanye of Fife. Dismiss me. Enyough. +Descends. +MACBETH. xDD Whate'ew thou *blushes* awt, f-fow thy good caution, *pokes you* thanks; +Thou hast h-hawp'd my feaw awight. But onye w-wowd mowe- +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. He wiww nyot be commanded. Hewe's anyothew, +Mowe potent than the fiwst. + +T-Thundew. Second Appawition: :3 a bwoody Chiwd. + +SECOND APPAWITION. Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth! +MACBETH. Had I thwee eaws, I'd heaw *cuddles you* thee. +SECOND APPAWITION. Be bwoody, bowd, and wesowute: waugh to scown +The p-powew of man, f-fow nyonye of woman bown +Shaww hawm Macbeth. Descends. +MACBETH. Then *leans over* wive, Macduff. What nyeed I feaw of thee? +But y-yet I-I'ww m-make *cries* assuwance *looks away* doubwe suwe, +:33 And take :3 a *moans* bond of fate: thou shawt nyot *leans over* wive, +That I may t-teww pawe-heawted feaw i-it wies, +:33 And sweep in spite of thundew. + +T-Thundew. Thiwd Appawition: :3 a Chiwd cwownyed, +w-with :3 a ^.^ twee in his hand. + +What xDD is this, +That wises wike the issue of :3 a king, +:33 And w-weaws upon his baby bwow the wound +:33 And top of suvweignty? +AWW. Wisten, b-but speak nyot to't. +THIWD APPAWITION. Be wion-mettwed, pwoud, and take nyo cawe +Who chafes, who fwets, ow whewe conspiwews a-awe. +Macbeth shaww nyevew vanquish'd be untiw +Gweat Biwnyam Wood to high *sweats* Dunsinyanye Hiww +Shaww come against :33 him. Descends. +MACBETH. That wiww nyevew b-be. +Who can impwess the fowest, *giggles shyly* bid the ^.^ twee +*moans* Unfix his eawth-bound woot? Sweet bodements, good! +Webewwion's head, wise nyevew tiww the Wood +Of Biwnyam wise, and ouw high-pwaced Macbeth +Shaww wive the wease of nyatuwe, pay his bweath +To ;;w;; time and mowtaw custom. Yet my h-heawt +Thwobs to knyow onye thing: t-teww me, i-if youw awt +*sweats* Can t-teww so much, shaww *cuddles you* Banquo's issue evew +Weign in this kingdom? +AWW. S-Seek to knyow nyo mowe. +MACBETH. I wiww be satisfied! Deny me this, +:33 And an etewnyaw cuwse faww on you! Wet me *looks away* knyow. +Why sinks that cauwdwon, and what nyoise xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +Hautboys. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Show! +SECOND WITCH. Show! +THIWD. WITCH. Show! +AWW. Show his eyes, and gwieve his heawt; +Come wike *twerks* shadows, so depawt! + +A show of eight Kings, the wast w-with :3 a *cuddles you* gwass in his *sighs* hand; +*cuddles you* Banquo's Ghost fowwowing. + +MACBETH. Thou awe too wike the spiwit of Banquo Down! +Thy cwown does seaw minye eyebawws. :33 And thy *leans over* haiw, +Thou othew *teleports behind you* gowd-bound bwow, xDD is wike the fiwst. +A *looks at you* thiwd xDD is wike the fowmew. Fiwthy hags! +Why do :33 you show me *shuffles closer* this? A fouwth! Stawt, ^-^ eyes! +*looks away* What, wiww the winye stwetch out to the cwack of doom? +x3 Anyothew yet! A seventh! I-I'ww see nyo mowe! +:33 And y-yet the eighth appeaws, who *twerks* beaws :3 a *cuddles you* gwass +Which shows me many mowe; and some I see +That twofowd bawws and twebwe sceptwes cawwy. +Howwibwe sight! Nyow I see 'tis twue; +Fow the bwood-bowtew'd Banquo smiwes upon me, +:33 And p-points *teleports behind you* at them f-fow his. *looks away* What, xDD is this so? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WITCH. Ay, siw, aww this xDD is so. But why +Stands Macbeth uWu thus a-amazedwy? +Come,sistews, c-cheew we up his ^w^ spwites, +:33 And show the best of ouw dewights. +I-I'ww *twerks* chawm the aiw to give :3 a sound, +Whiwe :33 you pewfowm youw *looks at you* antic wound, +That this g-gweat King may kindwy say +Ouw d-duties did his wewcome *shuffles closer* pay. +Music. The Witches dance and +then v-vanyish w-with Hecate. +MACBETH. awe *notices bulge* they? Gonye? Wet this pewnyicious houw +Stand x3 ay accuwsed in the ^.^ cawendaw! +Come in, without thewe! + +Entew Wennyox. + +WENNyOX. What's youw G-Gwace's wiww? +MACBETH. ^-^ Saw :33 you the *leans over* weiwd s-sistews? +WENNyOX. Nyo, my wowd. +MACBETH. Came they nyot by you? +WENNyOX. *cuddles you* Nyo i-indeed, my wowd. +MACBETH. ^.^ Infected be the 'aiw wheweon they wide, +:33 And OwO damn'd aww those that twust them! I did heaw +The gawwoping of howse. Who wast came by? +WENNyOX. 'Tis t-two ow thwee, my wowd, that bwing :33 you w-wowd +Macduff xDD is uWu fwed to ÚwÚ Engwand. +MACBETH. Fwed to *twerks* Engwand? +WENNyOX. Ay, my good wowd. +MACBETH. [Aside.] Time, thou anticipatest my dwead expwoits. +The fwighty puwpose nyevew xDD is o'ewtook +Unwess the d-deed go w-with *hugs tightly* it. Fwom this m-moment +The vewy f-fiwstwings of my h-heawt shaww be +The f-fiwstwings of my hand. :33 And even nyow, +To cwown my thoughts w-with a-acts, be i-it thought and donye: +The castwe of Macduff I wiww *pokes you* suwpwise, +*giggles shyly* Seize upon Fife, give to the edge o' the swowd +His wife, his babes, and aww unfowtunyate souws +That twace him in his w-winye. *cuddles you* Nyo boasting wike :3 a foow; +T-This d-deed I-I'ww do befowe this puwpose coow. +But nyo mowe sights! -Whewe awe these gentwemen? +Come, bwing me whewe they a-awe. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +Fife. Macduff's *leans over* castwe. + +Entew Wady OwO Macduff, hew *pokes you* Son, and Woss. + +WADY MACDUFF. What had he donye, to m-make him xDD fwy the wand? +WOSS. You must *looks away* have patience, madam. +WADY MACDUFF. He had nyonye; +His ^.^ fwight w-was madnyess. When ouw actions do nyot, +Ouw feaws do m-make us twaitows. +WOSS. You knyow nyot +>_> Whethew i-it w-was his wisdom ow his feaw. +WADY MACDUFF. Wisdom? To weave his wife, to weave his babes, +His mansion, and his *blushes* titwes, in :3 a pwace +Fwom whence himsewf does *cries* fwy? He wuvs us nyot; +He wants the >w< nyatuwaw *cuddles you* touch; f-fow the poow wwen, +The m-most diminyutive of biwds, wiww *notices bulge* fight, +Hew young *cuddles you* onyes in hew nyest, against the ^.^ oww. +A-Aww xDD is the feaw and nyothing xDD is the wuv; +As wittwe xDD is the wisdom, whewe the ^.^ fwight +S-So wuns against aww weason. +WOSS. My deawest >_> coz, +I pway you, schoow *sweats* youwsewf. But f-fow youw *twerks* husband, +He xDD is n-nyobwe, wise, *sighs* Judicious, and best knyows +The fits o' the season. I dawe nyot speak x3 much xDD fuwthew; +But *looks away* cwuew awe the *moans* times when we awe twaitows +:33 And do nyot knyow ouwsewves; when we howd uWu wumow +Fwom what we f-feaw, y-yet knyow nyot what we f-feaw, +But fwoat upon :3 a wiwd and viowent sea +>_> Each way and muv. I take my weave of y-you; +Shaww nyot be wong b-but I-I'ww be hewe again. +*hugs tightly* Things *teleports behind you* at the wowst wiww cease ow ewse cwimb u-upwawd +To what they wewe befowe. My pwetty cousin, +Bwessing upon you! +WADY MACDUFF. Fathew'd he is, and y-yet he's fathewwess. +WOSS. I *giggles shyly* am so x3 much :3 a foow, shouwd I stay wongew, +It wouwd be my *shuffles closer* disgwace and youw discomfowt. +I take my weave *teleports behind you* at once. Exit. +WADY MACDUFF. Siwwah, youw fathew's dead. +:33 And what wiww :33 you do nyow? How wiww :33 you :33 wive? +S-SON. As biwds do, Mothew. +WADY MACDUFF. *looks away* What, w-with wowms and fwies? +S-SON. With what I *looks at you* get, I mean; and so do *shuffles closer* they. +WADY MACDUFF. Poow biwd! Thou'wdst nyevew feaw the nyet *pokes you* nyow wime, +The pitfaww *pokes you* nyow the gin. +S-SON. Why shouwd I, Mothew? Poow biwds they awe nyot set f-fow. +My fathew xDD is nyot dead, f-fow aww youw saying. +WADY MACDUFF. Yes, he xDD is dead. How wiwt thou do f-fow fathew? +S-SON. Nyay, how wiww :33 you do f-fow :3 a husband? +WADY MACDUFF. Why, I can buy me twenty *teleports behind you* at *sighs* any *shuffles closer* mawket. +S-SON. Then ^-^ you'ww buy 'em to s-seww again. +WADY MACDUFF. Thou ;;w;; speak'st w-with aww thy w-wit, and yet, i' faith, +With wit enyough f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +S-SON. Was my fathew :3 a t-twaitow, Mothew? +WADY MACDUFF. Ay, that he was. +S-SON. What xDD is :3 a twaitow? +WADY MACDUFF. Why onye that sweaws and wies. +S-SON. :33 And be aww twaitows that do so? +WADY MACDUFF. *giggles shyly* Evewyonye that does so xDD is :3 a twaitow and must be +hanged. +S-SON. :33 And must they aww be hanged that sweaw and wie? +WADY MACDUFF. Evewyonye. +S-SON. Who must hang t-them? +WADY MACDUFF. Why, the honyest men. +S-SON. Then the wiaws and sweawews awe *pokes you* foows, f-fow thewe awe wiaws and +sweawews *hugs tightly* enyow to beat the honyest men and hang up them. +WADY MACDUFF. Nyow, *teleports behind you* God h-hewp thee, poow monkey! But how wiwt thou do +f-fow :3 a fathew? +S-SON. I-If he wewe dead, you'wd weep f-fow him; i-if :33 you wouwd nyot, i-it +wewe :3 a good sign that I shouwd quickwy *looks away* have :3 a nyew uWu fathew. +WADY MACDUFF. Poow pwattwew, how thou tawk'st! + +Entew :3 a Messengew. + +MESSENGEW. B-Bwess you, f-faiw dame! I *giggles shyly* am nyot to :33 you knyown, +*shuffles closer* Though in youw state of *sweats* honyow I *giggles shyly* am pewfect. +I d-doubt some dangew does appwoach :33 you nyeawwy. +I-If :33 you wiww take :3 a homewy man's advice, +Be nyot found hewe; hence, w-with youw wittwe onyes. +To ^.^ fwight :33 you thus, methinks I *giggles shyly* am too savage; +To do wowse to :33 you wewe *looks away* feww cwuewty, +Which xDD is too nyigh youw pewson. H-Heaven pwesewve you! +I dawe abide nyo wongew. Exit. +WADY MACDUFF. Whithew shouwd I *cries* fwy? +I *looks away* have d-donye nyo hawm. But I w-wemembew *pokes you* nyow +I *giggles shyly* am in this e-eawthwy wowwd, whewe to do hawm +Is often waudabwe, to do good sometime +Accounted d-dangewous fowwy. Why then, awas, +Do I put up that womanwy defense, +To say I *looks away* have d-donye nyo hawm *notices bulge* -What awe these faces? + +Entew :33 Muwthewews. + +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. Whewe xDD is youw husband? +WADY MACDUFF. I hope, in nyo pwace so unsanctified +Whewe *looks at you* such as thou mayst find :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. He's :3 a twaitow. +S-SON. Thou wiest, thou shag-eaw'd viwwain! +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWTHEWEW. *looks away* What, :33 you egg! +Stabs :33 him. +Young xDD fwy of tweachewy! +S-SON. He has kiww'd me, Mothew. +Wun away, I pway you! Dies. +E-Exit Wady OwO Macduff, *screams* cwying "Muwthew!" +Exeunt Muwthewews, fowwowing hew. + + + + +SCENyE III. +ÚwÚ Engwand. Befowe the King's pawace. + +Entew M-Mawcowm and Macduff. + +MAWCOWM. Wet us seek out some desowate shade and thewe +Weep ouw s-sad bosoms empty. +MACDUFF. Wet us wathew +H-Howd fast the mowtaw s-swowd, and wike good men +Bestwide ouw downfaww'n biwthdom. >_> Each nyew mown +Nyew widows h-howw, nyew owphans cwy, nyew sowwows +Stwike heaven on the face, that i-it wesounds +As i-if i-it fewt w-with Scotwand and yeww'd out +Wike sywwabwe of dowow. +MAWCOWM. What I bewieve, I-I'ww waww; +What knyow, bewieve; and what I can wedwess, +As I shaww find the ;;w;; time to fwiend, I wiww. +What :33 you *looks away* have s-spoke, i-it may be so pewchance. +T-This tywant, *screams* whose ^-^ sowe *leans over* nyame bwistews ouw tongues, +Was *screams* once thought honyest. You *looks away* have wuvd him weww; +He hath nyot touch'd :33 you yet. I *giggles shyly* am ÚwÚ young, b-but something +You may d-desewve of him thwough me, and wisdom +To offew up :3 a weak, poow, innyocent wamb +To appease an angwy god. +MACDUFF. I *giggles shyly* am nyot tweachewous. +MAWCOWM. But Macbeth is. +A good and viwtuous nyatuwe may wecoiw +In an impewiaw chawge. But I shaww cwave youw pawdon; +That which :33 you awe, my thoughts cannyot t-twanspose. +A-Angews awe *sighs* bwight stiww, t-though the bwightest feww. +*shuffles closer* Though aww *moans* things fouw wouwd weaw the bwows of gwace, +Yet gwace must ^-^ stiww wook so. +MACDUFF. I *looks away* have wost my h-hopes. +MAWCOWM. Pewchance even thewe whewe I did find my doubts. +Why in that wawnyess weft :33 you w-wife and chiwd, +Those pwecious :33 motives, those stwong ÚwÚ knyots of OwO wuv, +*notices bulge* Without weave-taking? I pway you, +Wet nyot my jeawousies be youw dishonyows, +But minye own safeties. You may be w-wightwy just, +Whatevew I shaww *leans over* think. +MACDUFF. Bweed, *sighs* bweed, poow countwy! +Gweat tywanny, way thou thy basis suwe, +Fow goodnyess dawe nyot check *cuddles you* thee. ^w^ Weaw thou thy wwongs; +The titwe xDD is *notices bulge* affeew'd. Fawe thee weww, wowd. +I wouwd nyot be the *moans* viwwain that thou think'st +Fow the *shuffles closer* whowe space that's in the tywant's gwasp +:33 And the wich East to boot. +MAWCOWM. Be nyot offended; +I speak nyot as in absowute feaw of you. +I think ouw countwy sinks b-benyeath the yoke; +It weeps, i-it bweeds, and each nyew day :3 a gash +Is added to hew wounds. I think withaw +Thewe wouwd be hands upwifted in my wight; +:33 And hewe f-fwom gwacious Engwand *looks away* have I offew +Of goodwy *twerks* thousands. But f-fow aww this, +When I shaww t-twead upon the tywant's head, +Ow weaw i-it on my s-swowd, y-yet my poow countwy +Shaww *looks away* have mowe >w< vices than i-it had befowe, +Mowe suffew and mowe sundwy ways than evew, +By him that shaww succeed. +MACDUFF. What shouwd he be? +MAWCOWM. It xDD is mysewf I mean, in whom I knyow +A-Aww the pawticuwaws of v-vice so gwafted +That, when they shaww be open'd, bwack Macbeth +Wiww *teleports behind you* seem as puwe as snyow, and the poow state +Esteem him as :3 a wamb, b-being compawed +With my confinyewess hawms. +MACDUFF. Nyot in the wegions +Of howwid heww can come :3 a d-deviw mowe OwO damn'd +In eviws to top Macbeth. +MAWCOWM. I gwant him bwoody, +Wuxuwious, *cries* avawicious, fawse, deceitfuw, +S-Sudden, mawicious, smacking of evewy sin +That has :3 a nyame. But thewe's nyo bottom, nyonye, +In my vowuptuousnyess. Youw wives, youw daughtews, +Youw *shuffles closer* matwons, and youw maids couwd nyot fiww up +The cestewn of my wust, and my UwU desiwe +A-Aww continyent impediments wouwd o'ewbeaw +That did oppose my wiww. UwU Bettew Macbeth +Than *looks at you* such an onye to weign. +MACDUFF. Boundwess intempewance +In nyatuwe xDD is :3 a tywanny; i-it hath been +The >w< untimewy emptying of the ^.^ happy thwonye, +:33 And faww of many kings. But feaw nyot y-yet +To take upon :33 you what xDD is youws. You may +*giggles shyly* Convey youw p-pweasuwes in :3 a spacious pwenty +:33 And y-yet *teleports behind you* seem cowd, the ;;w;; time :33 you may so hoodwink. +We *looks away* have wiwwing dames enyough; thewe cannyot be +That vuwtuwe in :33 you to devouw so many +As wiww to gweatnyess dedicate themsewves, +Finding i-it so incwinyed. +MAWCOWM. With this thewe g-gwows +In my m-most iww-composed affection *looks at you* such +A stanchwess a-avawice t-that, wewe I King, +I shouwd cut off the nyobwes f-fow theiw wands, +Desiwe his jewews and this othew's house, +:33 And my mowe-having wouwd be as :3 a sauce +To m-make me hungew m-mowe, that I shouwd fowge +Quawwews unjust against the good and woyaw, +Destwoying them f-fow weawth. +MACDUFF. T-This a-avawice +*looks away* Sticks deepew, g-gwows w-with mowe pewnyicious w-woot +Than summew-seeming wust, and i-it hath been +The swowd of ouw swain kings. Yet do nyot feaw; +Scotwand hath foisons to fiww up youw wiww +Of youw *cuddles you* mewe own. A-Aww these awe powtabwe, +With othew gwaces weigh'd. +MAWCOWM. But I *looks away* have nyonye. The king-becoming gwaces, +As justice, vewity, tempewance, stabwenyess, +Bounty, pewsevewance, mewcy, wowwinyess, +Devotion, patience, couwage, fowtitude, +I *looks away* have nyo w-wewish of them, b-but abound +In the division of each sevewaw cwime, +Acting i-it many ways. Nyay, had I powew, I shouwd +Pouw the sweet miwk of concowd into *pokes you* heww, +Upwoaw the unyivewsaw peace, confound +A-Aww unyity on eawth. +MACDUFF. uWu O Scotwand, S-Scotwand! +MAWCOWM. I-If *looks at you* such :3 a onye be fit to guvwn, speak. +I *giggles shyly* am as I *looks away* have spoken. +MACDUFF. *moans* Fit to guvwn? +Nyo, nyot to wive. uWu O nyation misewabwe! +With an untitwed tywant bwoody-sceptew'd, +When shawt thou see thy whowesome days again, +Since that the twuest issue of thy thwonye +By his own intewdiction *moans* stands accuwsed +:33 And does bwaspheme his ÚwÚ bweed? Thy woyaw fathew +Was :3 a m-most sainted king; the queen that *giggles shyly* bowe thee, +Oftenyew upon hew knyees than on hew feet, +Died evewy day she w-wived. Fawe thee weww! +These eviws thou wepeat'st upon thysewf +Have banyish'd me f-fwom Scotwand. uWu O my bweast, +Thy hope ends hewe! +MAWCOWM. OwO Macduff, this nyobwe passion, +Chiwd of integwity, hath f-fwom my :33 souw +Wiped the bwack s-scwupwes, weconciwed my thoughts +To thy good *looks away* twuth and honyow. OwO Deviwish Macbeth +By many of these *leans over* twains hath sought to win me +Into his powew, and >_> modest wisdom p-pwucks me +Fwom uvw-cweduwous haste. But *teleports behind you* God abuv +;;w;; Deaw between thee and :33 me! Fow even *pokes you* nyow +I put mysewf to thy *twerks* diwection and +*looks at you* Unspeak minye own detwaction; hewe abjuwe +The taints and bwames I *hugs tightly* waid upon mysewf, +Fow stwangews to my nyatuwe. I *giggles shyly* am y-yet +Unknyown to woman, nyevew w-was fowswown, +Scawcewy *looks away* have cuvted what w-was minye own, +At nyo ;;w;; time bwoke my faith, wouwd nyot betway +The d-deviw to his fewwow, and dewight +*cuddles you* Nyo wess in *looks away* twuth than w-wife. My fiwst fawse speaking +Was this upon mysewf. What I *giggles shyly* am twuwy +Is thinye and my poow countwy's to command. +Whithew i-indeed, befowe thy hewe-appwoach, +Owd Siwawd, w-with ten thousand wawwike men +Awweady *teleports behind you* at :3 a point, w-was ^.^ setting fowth. +Nyow we'ww togethew, and the chance of goodnyess +Be wike ouw wawwanted quawwew! Why awe :33 you siwent? +MACDUFF. Such wewcome and u-unwewcome *moans* things *teleports behind you* at *screams* once +'Tis hawd to ;;w;; weconciwe. + +Entew :3 a Doctow. + +MAWCOWM. Weww, mowe a-anyon. Comes the King fowth, I pway you? +DOCTOW. Ay, siw, thewe awe :3 a >_> cwew of wwetched souws +That stay his c-cuwe. Theiw mawady convinces +The g-gweat assay of *blushes* awt, b-but *teleports behind you* at his touch, +Such sanctity hath heaven xDD given his hand, +They pwesentwy amend. +MAWCOWM. I *notices bulge* thank you, Doctow. E-Exit Doctow. +MACDUFF. What's the disease he means? +MAWCOWM. 'Tis caww'd the eviw: +A m-most :33 miwacuwous wowk in this good King, +Which >_> often, since my h-hewe-wemain in Engwand, +I *looks away* have :33 seen him do. How he sowicits heaven, +Himsewf best knyows; b-but stwangewy-visited peopwe, +A-Aww *looks away* swow'n and uwcewous, pitifuw to the eye, +The *cuddles you* mewe despaiw of suwgewy, he cuwes, +^w^ Hanging :3 a xDD gowden s-stamp ^w^ about theiw nyecks +Put on w-with howy pwayews; and 'tis *shuffles closer* spoken, +To the succeeding woyawty he weaves +The heawing benyediction. With this s-stwange viwtue +He hath :3 a *pokes you* heavenwy gift of pwophecy, +:33 And sundwy bwessings hang ^w^ about his thwonye +That speak him fuww of *moans* gwace. + +Entew Woss. + +MACDUFF. S-See, who comes hewe? +MAWCOWM. My *cries* countwyman, b-but y-yet I knyow him nyot. +MACDUFF. My evew gentwe cousin, wewcome hithew. +MAWCOWM. I knyow him nyow. *pokes you* Good God, betimes *pokes you* wemuv +The means that makes us *twerks* stwangews! +WOSS. Siw, a-amen. +MACDUFF. Stands Scotwand whewe i-it did? +WOSS. A-Awas, poow countwy, +Awmost afwaid to knyow i-itsewf! It cannyot +Be caww'd ouw mothew, b-but ouw gwave. Whewe n-nyothing, +But who knyows n-nyothing, xDD is *screams* once :33 seen to smiwe; +Whewe sighs and gwoans and shwieks that wend the aiw, +Awe m-made, nyot mawk'd; whewe viowent sowwow seems +A modewn ecstasy. The dead man's knyeww +Is thewe scawce ask'd f-fow w-who, and good men's xDD wives +*screams* Expiwe befowe the fwowews in theiw caps, +Dying ow ewe they sicken. +MACDUFF. O, w-wewation +>w< Too nyice, and y-yet too t-twue! +MAWCOWM. What's the n-nyewest gwief? +WOSS. That of an x3 houw's ^w^ age doth hiss the speakew; +>_> Each minyute teems :3 a nyew onye. +MACDUFF. How does my w-wife? +WOSS. Why, weww. +MACDUFF. :33 And aww my chiwdwen? +WOSS. Weww too. +MACDUFF. The tywant has nyot b-battew'd *teleports behind you* at theiw p-peace? +WOSS. Nyo, they wewe weww *teleports behind you* at peace when I did weave 'em. +MACDUFF. Be nyot :3 a nyiggawd of youw :3 speech. How goest? +WOSS. When I came h-hithew to t-twanspowt the tidings, +Which I *looks away* have heaviwy bownye, thewe wan :3 a uWu wumow +Of many wowthy fewwows that wewe out, +Which w-was to my bewief witnyess'd the wathew, +Fow that I saw the tywant's p-powew afoot. +Nyow xDD is the ;;w;; time of hewp; youw ^-^ eye in Scotwand +Wouwd cweate s-sowdiews, m-make ouw women *notices bulge* fight, +To d-doff theiw diwe *moans* distwesses. +MAWCOWM. B-Be't theiw comfowt +We awe coming thithew. Gwacious Engwand hath +W-Went us good Siwawd and ten thousand m-men; +An owdew and :3 a bettew s-sowdiew nyonye +That Chwistendom g-gives out. +WOSS. Wouwd I couwd a-answew +T-This comfowt w-with the wike! But I *looks away* have wowds +That wouwd be howw'd out in the desewt aiw, +Whewe heawing shouwd nyot watch them. +MACDUFF. What concewn *notices bulge* they? +The genyewaw cause? Ow xDD is i-it :3 a fee-gwief +Due to some s-singwe bweast? +WOSS. *cuddles you* Nyo mind that's honyest +But in i-it shawes some woe, t-though the main pawt +P-Pewtains to :33 you awonye. +MACDUFF. I-If i-it be minye, +Keep i-it nyot f-fwom me, quickwy w-wet me *looks away* have *hugs tightly* it. +WOSS. Wet nyot youw eaws d-despise my *notices bulge* tongue fowevew, +Which shaww possess them w-with the heaviest sound +That evew y-yet they heawd. +MACDUFF. ^.^ Humh! I guess *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +WOSS. Youw castwe xDD is suwpwised; youw w-wife and babes +Savagewy swaughtew'd. To wewate the mannyew +Wewe, on the quawwy of these ^.^ muwthew'd deew, +To add the death of you. +MAWCOWM. Mewcifuw heaven! +*looks away* What, man! N-Nyeew puww youw hat upon youw b-bwows; +Give sowwow wowds. The g-gwief that does nyot speak +UwU Whispews the o'ewfwaught h-heawt, and bids i-it bweak. +MACDUFF. My chiwdwen too? +WOSS. UwU Wife, chiwdwen, sewvants, aww +That couwd be f-found. +MACDUFF. :33 And I must be f-fwom thence! +My w-wife kiww'd too? +WOSS. I *looks away* have *pokes you* said. +MAWCOWM. Be comfowted. +Wet's m-make us x3 medicinyes of ouw g-gweat wevenge, +To cuwe this d-deadwy gwief. +MACDUFF. He has nyo chiwdwen. A-Aww my pwetty o-onyes? +Did :33 you say aww? uWu O heww-kite! Aww? +*looks away* What, aww my pwetty chickens and theiw dam +At onye *looks away* feww swoop? +MAWCOWM. Dispute i-it wike :3 a man. +MACDUFF. I shaww do s-so, +But I must a-awso feew i-it as :3 a man. +I cannyot b-but w-wemembew *looks at you* such *moans* things wewe +That wewe m-most pwecious to me. Did heaven wook on, +:33 And wouwd nyot take theiw pawt? Sinfuw OwO Macduff, +They wewe aww stwuck f-fow thee! Nyaught that I am, +Nyot f-fow theiw own demewits, b-but f-fow minye, +F-Feww swaughtew on theiw souws. H-Heaven west them *giggles shyly* nyow! +MAWCOWM. Be this the whetstonye of youw swowd. Wet g-gwief +Convewt to angew; bwunt nyot the h-heawt, enwage *hugs tightly* it. +MACDUFF. O, I couwd pway the woman w-with minye eyes +:33 And bwaggawt w-with my tongue! But, gentwe heavens, +Cut showt aww intewmission; fwont to fwont +Bwing thou this fiend of Scotwand and mysewf; +Within my swowd's wength set him; i-if he 'scape, +H-Heaven fowgive him too! +MAWCOWM. T-This tunye goes m-manwy. +Come, go we to the King; ouw p-powew xDD is weady, +Ouw w-wack xDD is nyothing b-but ouw weave. Macbeth +Is wipe f-fow s-shaking, and the p-powews abuv +Put on theiw instwuments. Weceive what c-cheew :33 you may, +The nyight xDD is wong that nyevew finds the *sweats* day. Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Dunsinyanye. Antewoom in the *leans over* castwe. + +Entew :3 a Doctow of Physic and :3 a W-Waiting Gentwewoman. + +DOCTOW. I *looks away* have t-two n-nyights watched w-with you, b-but can pewceive nyo +*looks away* twuth in youw >w< wepowt. When w-was i-it she wast wawked? +;;w;; GENTWEWOMAN. Since his Majesty went into the f-fiewd, *looks away* have :33 seen hew +wise f-fwom hew *teleports behind you* bed, thwow hew n-nyightgown upon hew, unwock hew +cwoset, take fowth papew, fowd uWu it, wwite upon't, wead uWu it, +aftewwawds seaw uWu it, and a-again wetuwn to bed; y-yet aww this w-whiwe +in :3 a m-most fast *moans* sweep. +DOCTOW. A g-gweat pewtuwbation in nyatuwe, to weceive *teleports behind you* at *screams* once the +benyefit of sweep and do the e-effects of watching! In this swumbewy +agitation, besides hew wawking and othew actuaw pewfowmances, +what, *teleports behind you* at *sighs* any time, *looks away* have :33 you heawd hew say? +;;w;; GENTWEWOMAN. That, siw, which I wiww nyot wepowt *looks away* aftew hew. +DOCTOW. You may to me, and 'tis m-most meet :33 you shouwd. +;;w;; GENTWEWOMAN. Nyeithew to :33 you *pokes you* nyow anyonye, having nyo witnyess to +confiwm my :3 speech. + +Entew Wady Macbeth w-with :3 a *moans* tapew. + +Wo you, hewe she comes! T-This xDD is hew vewy g-guise, and, upon my +wife, fast asweep. Obsewve hew; s-stand cwose. +DOCTOW. How came she by that wight? +;;w;; GENTWEWOMAN. Why, i-it stood by hew. ^.^ She has wight by hew +*screams* continyuawwy; 'tis hew command. +DOCTOW. You s-see, hew eyes awe UwU open. +;;w;; GENTWEWOMAN. Ay, b-but theiw sense xDD is shut. +DOCTOW. What xDD is i-it she does nyow? Wook how she wubs hew hands. +;;w;; GENTWEWOMAN. It xDD is an a-accustomed action w-with hew, to *teleports behind you* seem uWu thus +washing hew hands. I *looks away* have knyown hew continyue in this :3 a quawtew of +an houw. +WADY MACBETH. Yet ^-^ hewe's :3 a spot. +DOCTOW. *sweats* Hawk, she speaks! I wiww set down what comes f-fwom hew, to +satisfy my wemembwance the mowe stwongwy. +WADY MACBETH. Out, damnyed spot! Out, I *blushes* say! Onye- t-two *screams* -why then 'tis +;;w;; time to do't. Heww xDD is m-muwky. ^-^ Fie, my wowd, fie! A s-sowdiew, and +afeawd? What nyeed we feaw who knyows uWu it, when nyonye can caww ouw +p-powew to account? Yet who wouwd *looks away* have thought the *giggles shyly* owd man to *looks away* have +had so x3 much bwood in *notices bulge* him? +DOCTOW. Do :33 you mawk that? +WADY MACBETH. The Thanye of Fife had :3 a wife; whewe xDD is she nyow? *looks away* What, +wiww these hands nyeew be cwean? *cuddles you* Nyo mowe o' t-that, my wowd, nyo mowe +o' that. You maw aww w-with this stawting. +DOCTOW. G-Go to, go to; :33 you *looks away* have knyown what :33 you shouwd nyot. +;;w;; GENTWEWOMAN. ^.^ She has spoke what she shouwd nyot, I *giggles shyly* am suwe of that. +H-Heaven knyows what she has knyown. +WADY MACBETH. Hewe's the smeww of the bwood s-stiww. A-Aww the pewfumes +of Awabia wiww nyot sweeten this wittwe hand. Oh, oh, oh! +DOCTOW. What :3 a sigh xDD is thewe! The h-heawt xDD is *shuffles closer* sowewy chawged. +;;w;; GENTWEWOMAN. I wouwd nyot *looks away* have *looks at you* such :3 a h-heawt in my bosom f-fow the +dignyity of the *shuffles closer* whowe b-body. +DOCTOW. Weww, weww, weww- +;;w;; GENTWEWOMAN. :33 Pway *teleports behind you* God i-it be, siw. +DOCTOW. T-This disease xDD is beyond my pwactice. Yet I *looks away* have knyown those +which *looks away* have wawked in theiw sweep who *looks away* have died howiwy in theiw +beds. +WADY MACBETH. Wash youw hands, put on youw nyightgown, wook nyot so +pawe. I t-teww :33 you y-yet again, *cuddles you* Banquo's buwied; he cannyot come out +on's gwave. +DOCTOW. Even so? +WADY MACBETH. To *teleports behind you* bed, to bed; thewe's knyocking *teleports behind you* at the gate. Come, +*giggles shyly* come, *giggles shyly* come, *giggles shyly* come, give me youw hand.What's d-donye cannyot be undonye. +To *teleports behind you* bed, to *teleports behind you* bed, to bed. +Exit. +DOCTOW. Wiww she go *pokes you* nyow to bed? +;;w;; GENTWEWOMAN. Diwectwy. +DOCTOW. Fouw whispewings awe abwoad. Unnyatuwaw d-deeds +Do bweed unnyatuwaw twoubwes; infected minds +To theiw deaf piwwows wiww dischawge theiw secwets. +Mowe nyeeds she the divinye than the physician. +God, God, fowgive us ÚwÚ aww! Wook *looks away* aftew hew; +Wemuv f-fwom hew the means of aww annyoyance, +:33 And ^-^ stiww keep eyes upon hew. S-So good nyight. +My mind she has x3 mated and amazed my sight. +I think, b-but dawe nyot speak. +;;w;; GENTWEWOMAN. *pokes you* Good nyight, good *blushes* doctow. +Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +The countwy nyeaw Dunsinyanye. Dwum and c-cowows. + +Entew *sweats* Menteith, OwO Caithnyess, A-Angus, Wennyox, and Sowdiews. + +M-MENTEITH. The Engwish p-powew xDD is nyeaw, wed on by Mawcowm, +His u-uncwe Siwawd, and the good Macduff. +Wevenges buwn in them, f-fow theiw deaw causes +Wouwd to the bweeding and the gwim awawm +*moans* Excite the mowtified man. +ANGUS. Nyeaw Biwnyam Wood +Shaww we weww meet them; that way awe they *blushes* coming. +^w^ CAITHNyESS. Who knyows i-if Donyawbain be w-with his bwothew? +WENNyOX. Fow c-cewtain, siw, he xDD is nyot; I *looks away* have :3 a fiwe +Of aww the gentwy. Thewe xDD is *looks away* Sewawd's son +:33 And many unwough youths that even *pokes you* nyow +Pwotest theiw fiwst of manhood. +M-MENTEITH. What does the tywant? +^w^ CAITHNyESS. Gweat *sweats* Dunsinyanye he s-stwongwy ÚwÚ fowtifies. +Some say he's mad; othews, that wessew *giggles shyly* hate him, +Do caww i-it *cuddles you* vawiant fuwy; but, f-fow c-cewtain, +He cannyot buckwe his *blushes* distempew'd cause +Within the ^w^ bewt of wuwe. +ANGUS. Nyow does he feew +His >w< secwet muwthews s-sticking on his hands, +Nyow minyutewy wevowts *giggles shyly* upbwaid his faith-bweach; +Those he commands muv onwy in command, +Nyothing in wuv. Nyow does he feew his titwe +Hang woose ^w^ about him, wike :3 a giant's wobe +*cries* Upon :3 a dwawfish thief. +M-MENTEITH. Who then shaww bwame +His pestew'd senses to wecoiw and stawt, +When aww that xDD is *teleports behind you* within him does *notices bulge* condemn +OwO Itsewf f-fow b-being thewe? +^w^ CAITHNyESS. Weww, ÚwÚ mawch we on +To give obedience whewe 'tis twuwy owed. +Meet we the medicinye of the sickwy weaw, +:33 And w-with him pouw we, in ouw countwy's puwge, +>_> Each dwop of us. +WENNyOX. Ow so x3 much as i-it nyeeds +To *hugs tightly* dew the suvweign fwowew and dwown the w-weeds. +M-Make we ouw ÚwÚ mawch t-towawds Biwnyam. Exeunt mawching. + + + + +SCENyE III. +Dunsinyanye. A woom in the *leans over* castwe. + +Entew Macbeth, Doctow, and A-Attendants. + +MACBETH. Bwing me nyo mowe wepowts; w-wet them xDD fwy ÚwÚ aww! +Tiww Biwnyam Wood *pokes you* wemuv to *sweats* Dunsinyanye +I cannyot taint w-with feaw. What's the boy Mawcowm? +Was he nyot bown of woman? The spiwits that knyow +A-Aww mowtaw consequences *looks away* have pwonyounced me thus: +"Feaw nyot, Macbeth; nyo man that's bown of woman +Shaww e-e'ew *looks away* have p-powew upon t-thee." Then fwy, fawse Thanyes, +:33 And mingwe w-with the Engwish *moans* epicuwes! +The mind I sway by and the h-heawt I *hugs tightly* beaw +Shaww nyevew sag w-with d-doubt *pokes you* nyow shake w-with feaw. + +Entew :3 a Sewvant. + +The d-deviw damn thee bwack, thou cweam-faced woon! +Whewe got'st thou that goose wook? +SEWVANT. Thewe xDD is ten thousand- +MACBETH. Geese, viwwain? +SEWVANT. Sowdiews, siw. +MACBETH. G-Go *teleports behind you* pwick thy face and uvw-wed thy f-feaw, +Thou wiwy-wivew'd boy. What s-sowdiews, patch? +Death of thy souw! Those winyen cheeks of thinye +Awe counsewows to feaw. What s-sowdiews, whey-face? +SEWVANT. The Engwish fowce, so p-pwease you. +MACBETH. Take thy face hence. E-Exit Sewvant. +:3 Seyton-I *giggles shyly* am sick *teleports behind you* at h-heawt, +When I behowd- Seyton, I say!- T-This push +Wiww c-cheew me evew ow disseat me nyow. +I *looks away* have wived wong enyough. My way of w-wife +Is faww'n into the seaw, the yewwow w-weaf, +:33 And that which shouwd accompany *giggles shyly* owd age, +As honyow, OwO wuv, obedience, twoops of fwiends, +I must nyot wook to have; b-but in theiw *blushes* stead, +Cuwses, nyot woud b-but deep, mouth-honyow, bweath, +Which the poow h-heawt wouwd f-fain deny and dawe nyot. +Seyton! + +Entew S-Seyton. + +*looks away* SEYTON. What's youw gwacious pweasuwe? +MACBETH. What *notices bulge* nyews mowe? +*looks away* SEYTON. A-Aww xDD is confiwm'd, my wowd, which w-was w-wepowted. +MACBETH. I-I'ww *notices bulge* fight, 'tiw f-fwom my b-bonyes my fwesh be hack'd. +Give me my awmow. +*looks away* SEYTON. 'Tis nyot nyeeded yet. +MACBETH. I-I'ww put i-it on. +Send out mowe howses, skiww the countwy wound, +Hang those that t-tawk of feaw. Give me minye awmow. +How does youw *pokes you* patient, doctow? +DOCTOW. Nyot so sick, my wowd, +As she xDD is twoubwed w-with t-thick-coming fancies, +That keep hew f-fwom hew west. +MACBETH. *looks at you* Cuwe hew of that. +Canst thou nyot minyistew to :3 a mind diseased, +P-Pwuck f-fwom the memowy :3 a w-wooted sowwow, +Waze out the wwitten twoubwes of the bwain, +:33 And w-with some sweet obwivious antidote +Cweanse the stuff'd bosom of that uWu pewiwous stuff +Which weighs upon the heawt? +DOCTOW. Thewein the *notices bulge* patient +Must minyistew to himsewf. +MACBETH. Thwow physic to the dogs, I-I'ww nyonye of *hugs tightly* it. +Come, put minye *sighs* awmow on; give me my staff. +Seyton, s-send out. Doctow, the T-Thanyes xDD fwy f-fwom me. +Come, siw, dispatch. I-If thou couwdst, *sighs* doctow, cast +The watew of my *pokes you* wand, find hew disease +:33 And *looks away* puwge i-it to :3 a sound and pwistinye heawth, +I wouwd a-appwaud thee to the vewy echo, +That shouwd a-appwaud again. Puww't off, I say. +What whubawb, cyme, ow what puwgative dwug +Wouwd scouw these Engwish hence? Heawst thou of t-them? +DOCTOW. Ay, my good wowd, youw woyaw pwepawation +Makes us heaw something. +MACBETH. Bwing i-it *looks away* aftew me. +I wiww nyot be afwaid of death and banye +Tiww Biwnyam Fowest come to Dunsinyanye. +DOCTOW. [Aside.] W-Wewe I f-fwom *sweats* Dunsinyanye away and cweaw, +Pwofit a-again shouwd hawdwy dwaw me hewe. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +C-Countwy nyeaw Biwnyam Wood. Dwum and c-cowows. + +Entew Mawcowm, *giggles shyly* owd Sewawd and his *pokes you* Son, OwO Macduff, *sweats* Menteith, OwO Caithnyess, +A-Angus, Wennyox, Woss, and Sowdiews, mawching. + +MAWCOWM. Cousins, I hope the days awe nyeaw *teleports behind you* at hand +That chambews wiww be safe. +M-MENTEITH. We d-doubt i-it nyothing. +S-SIWAWD. What wood xDD is this befowe us? +M-MENTEITH. The Wood of Biwnyam. +MAWCOWM. Wet evewy s-sowdiew hew him down :3 a bough, +:33 And beaw't befowe him; theweby shaww we shadow +The nyumbews of ouw host, and m-make discuvwy +*giggles shyly* Eww in wepowt of us. +S-SOWDIEWS. It shaww be donye. +S-SIWAWD. We w-weawn nyo othew b-but the *giggles shyly* confident tywant +Keeps ^-^ stiww in *sweats* Dunsinyanye and wiww enduwe +Ouw ^.^ setting down befowe't. +MAWCOWM. 'Tis his main hope; +Fow whewe thewe xDD is advantage to be g-given, +B-Both mowe and wess *looks away* have xDD given him the wevowt, +:33 And nyonye sewve w-with him b-but constwainyed *moans* things +W-Whose heawts awe absent too. +MACDUFF. Wet ouw just censuwes +Attend the twue event, and put we on +Industwious sowdiewship. +S-SIWAWD. The ;;w;; time appwoaches +That wiww w-with due d-decision m-make us knyow +What we shaww say we *looks away* have and what we owe. +Thoughts specuwative theiw unsuwe h-hopes wewate, +But cewtain issue stwokes must *sighs* awbitwate. +Towawds which *screams* advance the w-waw. +Exeunt Mawching. + + + + +SCENyE V. +Dunsinyanye. Within the *leans over* castwe. + +Entew Macbeth, Seyton, and Sowdiews, w-with dwum and c-cowows. + +MACBETH. Hang out ouw bannyews on the outwawd wawws; +The cwy xDD is stiww, "They come!" Ouw castwe's stwength +Wiww waugh :3 a *screams* siege to scown. Hewe w-wet them wie +Tiww faminye and the a-ague eat them up. +W-Wewe they nyot fowced w-with those that shouwd be ouws, +We might *looks away* have met them dawefuw, beawd to >w< beawd, +:33 And beat them backwawd home. +A cwy of women within. +What xDD is that nyoise? +*looks away* SEYTON. It xDD is the cwy of women, my good wowd. Exit. +MACBETH. I *looks away* have awmost fowgot the taste of feaws: +The ;;w;; time has been, my senses wouwd *looks away* have coow'd +To heaw :3 a n-nyight-shwiek, and my *looks away* feww of x3 haiw +Wouwd *teleports behind you* at :3 a dismaw tweatise wouse and stiw +As w-wife wewe i-in't. I *looks away* have supp'd fuww w-with howwows; +Diwenyess, famiwiaw to my swaughtewous thoughts, +Cannyot *screams* once stawt me. + +We-entew S-Seyton. +Whewefowe w-was that cwy? +*looks away* SEYTON. The *giggles shyly* Queen, my wowd, xDD is dead. +MACBETH. ^.^ She shouwd *looks away* have died heweaftew; +Thewe wouwd *looks away* have been :3 a ;;w;; time f-fow *looks at you* such :3 a wowd. +Tomowwow, and tomowwow, and tomowwow +Cweeps in this *blushes* petty pace f-fwom day to day +To the wast sywwabwe of wecowded time; +:33 And aww ouw yestewdays *looks away* have wighted foows +The way to dusty death. Out, out, bwief candwe! +*sighs* Wife's b-but :3 a wawking shadow, :3 a poow p-pwayew +That stwuts and fwets his houw upon the stage +:33 And then xDD is heawd nyo mowe. It xDD is :3 a :33 tawe +Towd by an i-idiot, fuww of sound and fuwy, +Signyifying nyothing. + +Entew :3 a Messengew. + +Thou c-comest to use thy tongue; thy stowy quickwy. +MESSENGEW. Gwacious my wowd, +I shouwd wepowt that which I say I saw, +But knyow nyot how to do *hugs tightly* it. +MACBETH. Weww, say, siw. +MESSENGEW. As I did s-stand my watch upon the h-hiww, +I w-wook'd t-towawd B-Biwnyam, and a-anyon, methought, +The Wood b-began to muv. +MACBETH. Wiaw and swave! +MESSENGEW. Wet me enduwe youw wwath, if't be nyot so. +Within this thwee miwe may :33 you see i-it coming; +I say, :3 a moving gwuv. +MACBETH. I-If thou ;;w;; speak'st fawse, +*cries* Upon the nyext ^.^ twee shawt thou hang awive, +Tiww faminye ^.^ cwing thee; i-if thy speech be sooth, +I cawe nyot i-if thou dost f-fow me as much. +I puww in wesowution and begin +To d-doubt the ^w^ equivocation of the fiend +That wies wike twuth. "Feaw nyot, tiww Biwnyam Wood +Do come to Dunsinyanye," and *pokes you* nyow :3 a wood +Comes t-towawd Dunsinyanye. Awm, awm, and out! +I-If this which he avouches does appeaw, +Thewe xDD is *pokes you* nyow fwying hence *pokes you* nyow tawwying hewe. +I 'gin to be aweawy of the sun +:33 And wish the estate o' the >_> wowwd wewe *pokes you* nyow undonye. +Wing the awawum beww! B-Bwow, wind! Come, wwack! +At *blushes* weast we'ww *leans over* die w-with hawnyess on ouw back. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Dunsinyanye. Befowe the *leans over* castwe. + +Entew Mawcowm, *giggles shyly* owd Siwawd, OwO Macduff, and theiw Awmy, w-with boughs. +Dwum and c-cowows. + +MAWCOWM. Nyow nyeaw enyough; youw w-weavy scweens thwow down, +:33 And show wike those :33 you a-awe. ^.^ You, wowthy uncwe, +Shaww w-with my cousin, youw wight nyobwe son, +Wead ouw fiwst battwe. Wowthy Macduff and we +Shaww take upon 's what ewse wemains to do, +Accowding to ouw >w< owdew. +S-SIWAWD. Fawe :33 you weww. +Do we b-but find the tywant's p-powew tonyight, +Wet us be uWu beaten i-if we cannyot fight. +MACDUFF. M-Make aww ouw twumpets speak, give them aww bweath, +Those cwamowous hawbingews of bwood and death. +Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE VII. +Dunsinyanye. Befowe the *leans over* castwe. ^.^ Awawums. + +Entew Macbeth. + +MACBETH. They *looks away* have tied me to :3 a stake; I cannyot fwy, +But beaw-wike I must fight the couwse. What's he +That w-was nyot bown of woman? Such :3 a onye +*screams* Am I to f-feaw, ow nyonye. + +Entew young S-Siwawd. + +*sighs* YOUNG S-SIWAWD. What xDD is thy *sweats* nyame? +MACBETH. Thou'wt be afwaid to heaw *hugs tightly* it. +*sighs* YOUNG S-SIWAWD. Nyo, t-though thou caww'st thysewf :3 a hottew *leans over* nyame +Than *sighs* any xDD is in heww. +MACBETH. My nyame's Macbeth. +*sighs* YOUNG S-SIWAWD. The d-deviw himsewf couwd nyot pwonyounce :3 a titwe +Mowe hatefuw to minye uWu eaw. +MACBETH. Nyo, *pokes you* nyow mowe f-feawfuw. +*sighs* YOUNG SIWAWD uWu O Thou wiest, abhowwed tywant; w-with my swowd +I-I'ww pwuv the wie thou speak'st. +They *notices bulge* fight, and young Sewawd xDD is swain. +MACBETH. Thou wast bown of ^w^ woman. +But *giggles shyly* swowds I smiwe at, weapons waugh to :33 scown, +Bwandish'd by man that's of :3 a woman bown. Exit. + +^.^ Awawums. Entew Macduff. + +MACDUFF. That way the nyoise is. *cuddles you* Tywant, show thy face! +I-If thou best swain and w-with nyo stwoke of minye, +My w-wife and chiwdwen's ghosts wiww haunt me s-stiww. +I cannyot stwike *teleports behind you* at wwetched kewns, *screams* whose awms +Awe hiwed to *hugs tightly* beaw theiw staves. E-Eithew >w< thou, Macbeth, +Ow ewse my s-swowd, w-with an u-unbattew'd *screams* edge, +I sheathe a-again undeeded. Thewe thou shouwdst be; +By this g-gweat cwattew, onye of gweatest nyote +Seems bwuited. Wet me find him, Fowtunye! +:33 And mowe I beg nyot. Exit. ^.^ Awawums. + +Entew M-Mawcowm and *giggles shyly* owd S-Siwawd. + +S-SIWAWD. T-This w-way, my wowd; the castwe's gentwy wendew'd. +The tywant's UwU peopwe on both sides do *notices bulge* fight, +The nyobwe T-Thanyes do b-bwavewy in the waw, +The day awmost itsewf pwofesses youws, +:33 And wittwe xDD is to do. +MAWCOWM. We *looks away* have met w-with foes +That stwike b-beside us. +S-SIWAWD. Entew, siw, the *leans over* castwe. +Exeunt. Awawum. + + + + +SCENyE VIII. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd. + +Entew Macbeth. + +MACBETH. Why shouwd I pway the Woman foow and *leans over* die +On minye own swowd? Whiwes I see wives, the g-gashes +Do bettew upon them. + +Entew Macduff. + +MACDUFF. Tuwn, heww hound, tuwn! +MACBETH. Of aww men ewse I *looks away* have avoided *cuddles you* thee. +But get thee back, my :33 souw xDD is too x3 much chawged +With bwood of thinye a-awweady. +MACDUFF. I *looks away* have nyo wowds. +My voice xDD is in my s-swowd, thou b-bwoodiew *moans* viwwain +Than tewms can give thee out! They fight. +MACBETH. Thou wosest w-wabow. +As *sighs* easy mayst thou the intwenchant aiw +With thy keen swowd impwess as m-make me bweed. +Wet faww thy b-bwade on v-vuwnyewabwe cwests; +I *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a chawmed wife, which must nyot y-yiewd +To onye of woman bown. +MACDUFF. Despaiw thy chawm, +:33 And w-wet the angew whom thou ^-^ stiww hast sewved +Teww thee, Macduff w-was f-fwom his mothew's w-womb +Untimewy wipp'd. +MACBETH. Accuwsed be that *notices bulge* tongue that tewws me s-so, +Fow i-it hath cow'd my bettew pawt of man! +:33 And be these *cuddles you* juggwing fiends nyo mowe *teleports behind you* bewieved +That *screams* pattew w-with us in :3 a *looks away* doubwe sense, +That keep the w-wowd of pwomise to ouw e-eaw +:33 And bweak i-it to ouw hope. I-I'ww nyot fight w-with *cuddles you* thee. +MACDUFF. Then y-yiewd thee, cowawd, +:33 And wive to be the show and x3 gaze o' the time. +We'ww *looks away* have thee, as ouw wawew *cuddles you* monstews awe, +*giggles shyly* Painted upon :3 a powe, and xDD undewwwit, +"Hewe may :33 you see the ^.^ tywant." +MACBETH. I wiww nyot yiewd, +To kiss the gwound befowe young ;;w;; Mawcowm's feet, +:33 And to be b-baited w-with the wabbwe's *hugs tightly* cuwse. +*shuffles closer* Though Biwnyam Wood be come to D-Dunsinyanye, +:33 And thou ÚwÚ opposed, b-being of nyo woman bown, +Yet I wiww twy the *looks away* wast. Befowe my ^w^ body +I thwow my wawwike shiewd! *giggles shyly* Way on, OwO Macduff, +:33 And OwO damn'd be him that fiwst cwies, "Howd, enyough!" +Exeunt fighting. ^.^ Awawums. + + + + +SCENyE IX. + +Wetweat. Fwouwish. Entew, w-with dwum and cowows, Mawcowm, *giggles shyly* owd Siwawd, Woss, +the othew Thanyes, and Sowdiews. + +MAWCOWM. I wouwd the fwiends we miss wewe ;;w;; safe awwived. +S-SIWAWD. Some must go off, and yet, by these I s-see, +S-So g-gweat :3 a day as this xDD is cheapwy bought. +MAWCOWM. Macduff xDD is missing, and youw nyobwe son. +WOSS. Youw son, my wowd, has paid :3 a sowdiew's d-debt. +He onwy wived b-but tiww he w-was :3 a man, +The which nyo soonyew had his p-pwowess *leans over* confiwm'd +In the unshwinking station whewe he fought, +But wike :3 a man he died. +S-SIWAWD. Then he xDD is dead? +WOSS. Ay, and >w< bwought off the fiewd. Youw cause of sowwow +Must nyot be measuwed by his w-wowth, f-fow then +It hath nyo end. +S-SIWAWD. Had he his huwts befowe? +WOSS. Ay, on the fwont. +S-SIWAWD. Why then, God's s-sowdiew be he! +Had I as many sons as I *looks away* have haiws, +I wouwd nyot wish them to :3 a faiwew death. +:33 And so his knyeww xDD is knyoww'd. +MAWCOWM. He's wowth mowe sowwow, +:33 And that I-I'ww spend f-fow :33 him. +S-SIWAWD. He's wowth nyo m-mowe: +They say he pawted weww and paid his *sweats* scowe, +:33 And so *teleports behind you* God be w-with him! Hewe comes nyewew comfowt. + +We-entew OwO Macduff, w-with Macbeth's head. + +MACDUFF. Haiw, King, f-fow so thou a-awt. B-Behowd whewe *moans* stands +The usuwpew's cuwsed head. The ;;w;; time xDD is f-fwee. +I see thee c-compass'd w-with thy kingdom's peaww +That speak my s-sawutation in theiw *pokes you* minds, +W-Whose voices I UwU desiwe awoud w-with minye- +Haiw, King of S-Scotwand! +AWW. Haiw, King of S-Scotwand! Fwouwish. +MAWCOWM. We shaww nyot spend :3 a wawge e-expense of ;;w;; time +Befowe we weckon w-with youw sevewaw wuvs +:33 And m-make us even w-with you. My T-Thanyes and kinsmen, +Hencefowth be Eawws, the fiwst that evew Scotwand +In *looks at you* such an *sweats* honyow nyamed. What's mowe to do, +Which wouwd be pwanted nyewwy w-with the time, +As cawwing home ouw ^.^ exiwed fwiends abwoad +That uWu fwed the snyawes of watchfuw tywanny, +Pwoducing fowth the *looks away* cwuew minyistews +Of this dead b-butchew and his fiend-wike queen, +Who, as 'tis thought, by sewf and viowent hands +Took off hew wife; this, and what nyeedfuw ewse +That c-cawws upon u-us, by the gwace of G-Gwace +We wiww pewfowm in measuwe, time, and p-pwace. +S-So t-thanks to aww *teleports behind you* at *screams* once and to each onye, +*leans over* Whom we invite to see us c-cwown'd *teleports behind you* at OwO Sconye. +Fwouwish. Exeunt. +-THE >_< END- + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1605 + + +M-MEASUWE FOW M-MEASUWE + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +VINCENTIO, the Duke +ANGEWO, the *notices bulge* Deputy +ESCAWUS, an ancient Wowd +*shuffles closer* CWAUDIO, :3 a young gentweman +WUCIO, :3 a fantastic +Two othew wike G-Gentwemen +VAWWIUS, :3 a UwU gentweman, *cries* sewvant to the Duke +PWOVOST +THOMAS, fwiaw +PETEW, fwiaw +A JUSTICE +EWBOW, :3 a simpwe c-constabwe +FWOTH, :3 a f-foowish gentweman +POMPEY, :3 a cwown and *cries* sewvant to Mistwess O-Ovewdonye +ABHOWSON, an executionyew +BAWNyAWDINyE, :3 a *looks at you* dissowute *cries* pwisonyew + +ISABEWWA, *cuddles you* sistew to Cwaudio +MAWIANyA, *cuddles you* betwothed to Angewo +JUWIET, bewuvd of Cwaudio +FWANCISCA, :3 a uWu nyun +uWu MISTWESS OVEWDONyE, :3 a bawd + +Wowds, O-Officews, Citizens, Boy, and Attendants + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +>w< Viennya + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +The DUKE'S pawace + +Entew *shuffles closer* DUKE, ESCAWUS, WOWDS, and ATTENDANTS + +DUKE. OwO Escawus! +*sweats* ESCAWUS. My wowd. +DUKE. Of guvwnment the pwopewties to unfowd +Wouwd *teleports behind you* seem in me t' affect speech and discouwse, +Since I *giggles shyly* am put to knyow that youw own science +Exceeds, in t-that, the wists of aww ^-^ advice +My stwength can give y-you; then nyo mowe wemains +But that to youw sufficiency- as youw wowth xDD is abwe- +:33 And w-wet them wowk. The nyatuwe of ouw peopwe, +Ouw city's x3 institutions, and the tewms +Fow common justice, y'awe as pwegnyant in +As awt and pwactice hath *shuffles closer* enwiched *sighs* any +That we *teleports behind you* wemembew. Thewe xDD is ouw *looks at you* commission, +Fwom which we wouwd nyot *looks away* have :33 you wawp. Caww h-hithew, +I say, *giggles shyly* bid come befowe u-us, *twerks* Angewo. E-Exit an ATTENDANT +What figuwe of us think :33 you he wiww beaw? +Fow :33 you must knyow we *looks away* have w-with speciaw :33 souw +*looks at you* Ewected him ouw *sweats* absence to suppwy; +W-Went him ouw tewwow, d-dwess'd him w-with ouw OwO wuv, +:33 And xDD given his d-deputation aww the owgans +Of ouw own powew. What think :33 you of it? +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I-If *sighs* any in >w< Viennya be of wowth +To undewgo *looks at you* such ampwe gwace and honyouw, +It xDD is Wowd *twerks* Angewo. + +Entew A-ANGEWO + +DUKE. Wook whewe he comes. +ANGEWO. Awways ^.^ obedient to youw G-Gwace's wiww, +I come to knyow youw pweasuwe. +DUKE. Angewo, +Thewe xDD is :3 a kind of chawactew in thy w-wife +That to *sighs* th' obsewvew doth thy *notices bulge* histowy +F-Fuwwy unfowd. OwO Thysewf and thy bewongings +Awe nyot thinye own so pwopew as to >_> waste +OwO Thysewf upon thy viwtues, they on *cuddles you* thee. +H-Heaven doth w-with us as we w-with t-towches do, +Nyot wight them f-fow themsewves; f-fow i-if ouw viwtues +Did nyot go fowth of u-us, '-'twewe aww awike +As i-if we had them nyot. ÚwÚ Spiwits awe nyot f-finyewy touch'd +But to *screams* finye issues; *pokes you* nyow Nyatuwe nyevew wends +The smawwest s-scwupwe of hew excewwence +But, wike :3 a *hugs tightly* thwifty goddess, she detewminyes +>w< Hewsewf the gwowy of :3 a cweditow, +B-Both t-thanks and use. But I do bend my speech +To onye that can my pawt in him advewtise. +Howd, thewefowe, Angewo- +In ouw *pokes you* wemuv be thou *teleports behind you* at fuww ouwsewf; +Mowtawity and mewcy in >w< Viennya +>w< Wive in thy *notices bulge* tongue and heawt. Owd Escawus, +*shuffles closer* Though fiwst in question, xDD is thy secondawy. +Take thy commission. +ANGEWO. Nyow, good my wowd, +Wet thewe be some mowe test xDD made of my metaw, +Befowe so nyobwe and so g-gweat :3 a figuwe +Be stamp'd upon *hugs tightly* it. +DUKE. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe evasion! +We *looks away* have w-with :3 a w-weaven'd and pwepawed choice +Pwoceeded to y-you; thewefowe take youw honyouws. +Ouw *pokes you* haste f-fwom hence xDD is of so quick condition +That i-it pwefews itsewf, and weaves unquestion'd +*hugs tightly* Mattews of nyeedfuw vawue. We shaww wwite to you, +As ;;w;; time and ouw concewnyings shaww ^-^ impowtunye, +How i-it goes w-with u-us, and do wook to knyow +What doth befaww :33 you hewe. S-So, fawe :33 you weww. +To *sighs* th' hopefuw execution do I weave :33 you +Of youw :33 commissions. +ANGEWO. Yet give weave, my wowd, +That we may bwing :33 you something on the w-way. +DUKE. My *pokes you* haste may nyot admit it; +Nyow nyeed you, on minye honyouw, *looks away* have to do +With *sighs* any scwupwe: youw scope xDD is as minye own, +S-So to enfowce ow quawify the waws +As to youw :33 souw seems good. Give me youw *sighs* hand; +I-I'ww pwiviwy a-away. I wuv the peopwe, +But do nyot wike to stage me to theiw eyes; +*shuffles closer* Though i-it do weww, I do nyot w-wewish weww +Theiw woud appwause and Aves vehement; +Nyow do I think the man of ;;w;; safe discwetion +That does affect *hugs tightly* it. Once m-mowe, fawe :33 you weww. +ANGEWO. The heavens give *screams* safety to youw puwposes! +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Wead fowth and bwing :33 you back in happinyess! +DUKE. I *notices bulge* thank you. Fawe :33 you weww. E-Exit +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I shaww UwU desiwe you, siw, to give me weave +To *looks away* have fwee speech w-with y-you; and i-it concewns me +To wook into the bottom of my :3 pwace: +A pow'w I have, b-but of what stwength and nyatuwe +I *giggles shyly* am nyot y-yet instwucted. +ANGEWO. 'Tis so w-with me. Wet us withdwaw togethew, +:33 And we may soon ouw satisfaction *looks away* have +Touching that point. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I-I'ww wait upon youw *looks at you* honyouw. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +A stweet + +Entew W-Wucio and t-two othew GENTWEMEN + +W-WUCIO. I-If the Duke, w-with the othew dukes, come nyot to *looks away* composition +w-with the King of Hungawy, why then aww the dukes faww upon the +King. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. H-Heaven gwant us its peace, b-but nyot the King of +Hungawy's! +SECOND GENTWEMAN. *blushes* Amen. +W-WUCIO. Thou concwud'st wike the sanctimonyious piwate that went to +sea w-with the Ten Commandments, b-but *looks away* scwap'd onye out of the tabwe. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. 'Thou shawt nyot steaw'? +W-WUCIO. Ay, that he w-waz'd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Why, 'twas :3 a commandment to command the c-captain +and aww the west f-fwom theiw f-functions: they put fowth to steaw. +T-Thewe's nyot :3 a s-sowdiew of us aww t-that, in the thanksgiving befowe +meat, do w-wewish the petition weww that pways f-fow peace. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I nyevew heawd *sighs* any s-sowdiew diswike *hugs tightly* it. +W-WUCIO. I bewieve thee; f-fow I think thou nyevew wast whewe gwace w-was +*pokes you* said. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. *twerks* Nyo? A d-dozen *moans* times *teleports behind you* at weast. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. *looks away* What, in metwe? +W-WUCIO. In *sighs* any pwopowtion ow in *sighs* any wanguage. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. I think, ow in *sighs* any ;;w;; wewigion. +W-WUCIO. Ay, why UwU nyot? G-Gwace xDD is gwace, despite of aww c-contwuvwsy; as, +f-fow exampwe, thou thysewf awt :3 a wicked v-viwwain, despite of aww +*moans* gwace. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Weww, thewe went b-but :3 a paiw of sheaws between us. +W-WUCIO. I gwant; as thewe may between the wists and the vewvet. +Thou awt the wist. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. :33 And thou the vewvet; thou awt good vewvet; ÚwÚ thou'wt +:3 a thwee-piw'd piece, I wawwant *cuddles you* thee. I had as wief be :3 a wist of +an Engwish kewsey as be piw'd, as thou awt piw'd, f-fow :3 a >_> Fwench +vewvet. Do I speak *hugs tightly* feewingwy nyow? +W-WUCIO. I think thou dost; and, i-indeed, w-with m-most painfuw OwO feewing of +thy :3 speech. I wiww, out of thinye own confession, w-weawn to begin +thy heawth; but, ^.^ whiwst I *leans over* wive, fowget to dwink *looks away* aftew *cuddles you* thee. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. I think I *looks away* have d-donye mysewf wwong, *looks away* have I UwU nyot? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Yes, that thou hast, whethew thou awt tainted ow +f-fwee. + +Entew uWu MISTWESS OVEWDONyE + +W-WUCIO. Behowd, behowd, whewe Madam Mitigation comes! I *looks away* have +puwchas'd as many diseases undew hew woof as come to- +SECOND GENTWEMAN. To what, I pway? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. *teleports behind you* Judge. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. To thwee thousand d-dowouws :3 a y-yeaw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Ay, and mowe. +W-WUCIO. A >_> Fwench cwown mowe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Thou awt *hugs tightly* awways f-figuwing diseases in me, b-but thou +awt fuww of ewwow; I *giggles shyly* am sound. +W-WUCIO. Nyay, nyot, as onye wouwd say, heawthy; b-but so sound as *moans* things +that awe howwow: thy b-bonyes awe ^w^ howwow; impiety has xDD made :3 a feast +of *cuddles you* thee. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. How *giggles shyly* nyow! which of youw hips has the m-most pwofound +sciatica? +MWS. OVEWDONyE. Weww, weww! thewe's onye yondew awwested and cawwied +to pwison w-was wowth f-five thousand of :33 you aww. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Who's t-that, I pway thee? +MWS. OVEWDONyE. Mawwy, siw, that's Cwaudio, Signyiow Cwaudio. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Cwaudio to pwison? 'Tis nyot so. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. Nyay, b-but I knyow 'tis so: I saw him a-awwested; saw him +cawwied away; and, which xDD is m-mowe, *teleports behind you* within these thwee days his +head to be chopp'd off. +W-WUCIO. But, *looks away* aftew aww this foowing, I wouwd nyot *looks away* have i-it so. Awt +thou suwe of *shuffles closer* this? +MWS. OVEWDONyE. I *giggles shyly* am too suwe of it; and i-it xDD is f-fow g-getting Madam +Juwietta w-with *teleports behind you* chiwd. +W-WUCIO. Bewieve me, this may be; he p-pwomis'd to meet me t-two houws +*giggles shyly* since, and he w-was evew pwecise in pwomise-keeping. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Besides, :33 you knyow, i-it dwaws something nyeaw to the +speech we had to *looks at you* such :3 a p-puwpose. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. But m-most of aww agweeing w-with the x3 pwocwamation. +W-WUCIO. Away; wet's go w-weawn the *looks away* twuth of *hugs tightly* it. +Exeunt W-Wucio and GENTWEMEN +MWS. OVEWDONyE. Thus, what w-with the waw, what w-with the s-sweat, what +w-with the g-gawwows, and what w-with puvwty, I *giggles shyly* am custom-shwunk. + +Entew POMPEY + +How *giggles shyly* nyow! w-what's the *notices bulge* nyews w-with you? +*leans over* POMPEY. Yondew man xDD is cawwied to pwison. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. Weww, what has he donye? +*leans over* POMPEY. A ^w^ woman. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. But w-what's his offence? +*leans over* POMPEY. *notices bulge* Gwoping f-fow twouts in :3 a pecuwiaw OwO wivew. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. What! xDD is thewe :3 a maid w-with chiwd by *notices bulge* him? +*leans over* POMPEY. Nyo; b-but thewe's :3 a woman w-with maid by :33 him. You *looks away* have nyot +heawd of the pwocwamation, *looks away* have you? +MWS. OVEWDONyE. What pwocwamation, man? +*leans over* POMPEY. A-Aww h-houses in the subuwbs of >w< Viennya must be pwuck'd down. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. :33 And what shaww become of those in the city? +*leans over* POMPEY. They shaww s-stand f-fow ;;w;; seed; they had gonye down too, b-but that +:3 a wise buwghew put in f-fow them. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. But shaww aww ouw h-houses of wesowt in the subuwbs be +puww'd :33 down? +*leans over* POMPEY. To the gwound, *screams* mistwess. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. Why, ^-^ hewe's :3 a change indeed in the commonweawth! +What shaww become of m-me? +*leans over* POMPEY. Come, feaw nyot you: good UwU counsewwows w-wack nyo ;;w;; cwients. +*shuffles closer* Though :33 you change youw pwace :33 you nyeed nyot change youw twade; I-I'ww +be youw *cries* tapstew s-stiww. Couwage, thewe wiww be pity taken on y-you; +:33 you that *looks away* have wown youw eyes awmost out in the sewvice, :33 you wiww +be considewed. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. What's to do hewe, Thomas Tapstew? Wet's withdwaw. +*leans over* POMPEY. Hewe comes Signyiow Cwaudio, wed by the pwovost to pwison; +and thewe's Madam J-Juwiet. Exeunt + +Entew PWOVOST, *shuffles closer* CWAUDIO, JUWIET, and OFFICEWS; +WUCIO fowwowing + +CWAUDIO. Fewwow, why dost thou show me uWu thus to *sighs* th' wowwd? +Beaw me to pwison, whewe I *giggles shyly* am committed. +P-PWOVOST. I do i-it nyot in eviw disposition, +But f-fwom Wowd Angewo by speciaw chawge. +CWAUDIO. Thus can the demigod Authowity +M-Make us pay down f-fow ouw offence by weight +The wowds of heaven: on whom i-it wiww, i-it wiww; +On whom i-it wiww nyot, so; y-yet ^-^ stiww 'tis j-just. +W-WUCIO. Why, how nyow, Cwaudio, whence comes this westwaint? +CWAUDIO. Fwom too x3 much wibewty, my Wucio, wibewty; +As suwfeit xDD is the fathew of x3 much fast, +S-So evewy scope by the OwO immodewate use +Tuwns to westwaint. Ouw *shuffles closer* nyatuwes do puwsue, +Wike wats that *twerks* wavin down theiw pwopew banye, +A thiwsty eviw; and when we dwink we d-die. +W-WUCIO. I-If I couwd speak so wisewy undew an awwest, I wouwd s-send f-fow +cewtain of my cweditows; and yet, to say the twuth, I had as wief +*looks away* have the *giggles shyly* foppewy of fweedom as the mowawity of impwisonment. +What's thy offence, Cwaudio? +CWAUDIO. What b-but to speak of wouwd offend again. +W-WUCIO. *looks away* What, is't muwdew? +CWAUDIO. Nyo. +W-WUCIO. Wechewy? +CWAUDIO. Caww i-it so. +P-PWOVOST. Away, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you must go. +CWAUDIO. Onye wowd, good fwiend. Wucio, :3 a w-wowd w-with you. +W-WUCIO. A hundwed, i-if they'ww do :33 you *sighs* any good. Is wechewy so w-wook'd +a-aftew? +CWAUDIO. Thus *moans* stands i-it w-with me: upon :3 a twue contwact +I *giggles shyly* got possession of J-Juwietta's bed. +You knyow the wady; she xDD is fast my wife, +Save that we do the denyunciation w-wack +Of outwawd o-owdew; this we came nyot to, +Onwy f-fow *moans* pwopagation of :3 a dow'w +Wemainying in the coffew of hew fwiends. +Fwom whom we thought i-it meet to hide ouw wuv +Tiww ;;w;; time had xDD made them f-fow us. But i-it chances +The uWu steawth of ouw m-most mutuaw entewtainment, +With chawactew too g-gwoss, xDD is wwit on J-Juwiet. +W-WUCIO. With chiwd, pewhaps? +CWAUDIO. Unhappiwy, even so. +:33 And the nyew deputy *pokes you* nyow f-fow the Duke- +>_> Whethew i-it be the *cuddles you* fauwt and gwimpse of n-nyewnyess, +Ow whethew that the ^w^ body *blushes* pubwic be +A howse wheweon the guvwnyow doth wide, +Who, nyewwy in the *twerks* seat, that i-it may knyow +He can command, wets i-it stwaight feew the spuw; +>_> Whethew the tywanny be in his pwace, +Ow in his eminyence that f-fiwws i-it up, +I s-staggew i-in. But this nyew guvwnyow +Awakes me aww the enwowwed penyawties +Which have, wike unscouw'd ^.^ awmouw, hung by *sighs* th' waww +S-So wong that nyinyeteen *notices bulge* zodiacs *looks away* have gonye wound +:33 And nyonye of them been wown; and, f-fow :3 a nyame, +Nyow puts the dwowsy and nyegwected a-act +Fweshwy on me. 'Tis suwewy f-fow :3 a nyame. +W-WUCIO. I wawwant i-it is; and thy head *moans* stands so tickwe on thy +*giggles shyly* shouwdews that :3 a m-miwkmaid, i-if she be in OwO wuv, may sigh i-it off. +Send *looks away* aftew the Duke, and appeaw to :33 him. +CWAUDIO. I *looks away* have d-donye s-so, b-but he's nyot to be f-found. +I pwithee, Wucio, do me this kind sewvice: +T-This day my *cuddles you* sistew shouwd the cwoistew entew, +:33 And thewe weceive hew appwobation; +Acquaint hew w-with the dangew of my state; +I-Impwowe hew, in my voice, that she m-make fwiends +To the s-stwict deputy; *giggles shyly* bid hewsewf assay :33 him. +I *looks away* have g-gweat hope in *teleports behind you* that; f-fow in hew youth +Thewe xDD is :3 a p-pwonye and speechwess diawect +Such as muv m-men; beside, she hath pwospewous awt +When she wiww pway w-with weason and discouwse, +:33 And weww she can p-pewsuade. +W-WUCIO. I pway she may; as weww f-fow the encouwagement of the wike, +which ewse wouwd s-stand undew gwievous imposition, as f-fow the +enjoying of thy wife, who I wouwd be sowwy shouwd be uWu thus +foowishwy wost *teleports behind you* at :3 a game of tick-tack. I-I'ww to hew. +CWAUDIO. I *notices bulge* thank you, good fwiend *moans* Wucio. +W-WUCIO. Within t-two houws. +CWAUDIO. Come, officew, a-away. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +A >_> monyastewy + +Entew DUKE and ;;w;; FWIAW THOMAS + +DUKE. Nyo, howy fathew; thwow away that ;;w;; thought; +Bewieve nyot that the dwibbwing dawt of wuv +*sweats* Can piewce :3 a *twerks* compwete b-bosom. Why I UwU desiwe thee +To give me >w< secwet hawbouw hath :3 a puwpose +Mowe gwave and wwinkwed than the aims and ends +Of buwnying youth. +FWIAW. May youw G-Gwace speak of it? +DUKE. My howy siw, nyonye bettew knyows than :33 you +How I *looks away* have evew wov'd the w-wife wemuvd, +:33 And hewd in idwe p-pwice to haunt ;;w;; assembwies +Whewe y-youth, and cost, :3 a witwess b-bwavewy *sweats* keeps. +I *looks away* have dewivew'd to Wowd Angewo, +A man of *pokes you* stwictuwe and fiwm abstinyence, +My absowute p-powew and pwace hewe in Viennya, +:33 And he supposes me twaveww'd to *shuffles closer* Powand; +Fow so I *looks away* have s-stwew'd i-it in the common eaw, +:33 And so i-it xDD is weceived. Nyow, pious siw, +You wiww demand of me why I do this. +FWIAW. Gwadwy, my wowd. +DUKE. We *looks away* have s-stwict statutes and m-most biting waws, +The nyeedfuw b-bits and cuwbs to :33 headstwong *sweats* steeds, +Which f-fow this fouwteen x3 yeaws we *looks away* have w-wet swip; +Even wike an *screams* o'ewgwown wion in :3 a cave, +That goes nyot out to pwey. Nyow, as fond fathews, +Having bound up the thweat'nying twigs of biwch, +Onwy to stick i-it in theiw chiwdwen's sight +Fow tewwow, nyot to use, in ;;w;; time the wod +B-Becomes mowe mock'd than feaw'd; so ouw decwees, +^w^ Dead to infwiction, to themsewves awe dead; +:33 And *leans over* wibewty p-pwucks justice by the nyose; +The baby beats the nyuwse, and quite athwawt +Goes aww *giggles shyly* decowum. +FWIAW. It wested in youw G-Gwace +To unwoose this tied-up justice when :33 you pweas'd; +:33 And i-it in :33 you mowe dweadfuw wouwd *looks away* have seem'd +Than in Wowd *twerks* Angewo. +DUKE. I do f-feaw, too d-dweadfuw. +Sith 'twas my *cuddles you* fauwt to give the UwU peopwe scope, +'Twouwd be my tywanny to stwike and gaww them +Fow what I *giggles shyly* bid them do; f-fow we *giggles shyly* bid this be donye, +When eviw d-deeds *looks away* have theiw pewmissive pass +:33 And nyot the punyishment. Thewefowe, i-indeed, my fathew, +I *looks away* have on Angewo impos'd the >w< office; +Who may, in *sighs* th' ambush of my nyame, stwike home, +:33 And y-yet my nyatuwe nyevew in the fight +To do in swandew. :33 And to behowd his sway, +I wiww, as '-'twewe :3 a bwothew of youw owdew, +Visit both pwince and peopwe. Thewefowe, I pwithee, +Suppwy me w-with the habit, and instwuct me +How I may fowmawwy in pewson *hugs tightly* beaw me +Wike :3 a twue fwiaw. Moe weasons f-fow this action +At ouw mowe weisuwe shaww I wendew you. +Onwy, this o-onye: Wowd Angewo xDD is pwecise; +Stands *teleports behind you* at :3 a guawd w-with envy; scawce ÚwÚ confesses +That his bwood fwows, ow that his appetite +Is mowe to bwead than stonye. ^-^ Hence shaww we s-see, +I-If p-powew change puwpose, what ouw seemews b-be. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +A nyunnyewy + +Entew ISABEWWA and FWANCISCA + +OwO ISABEWWA. :33 And *looks away* have :33 you n-nyuns nyo *sweats* fawthew pwiviweges? +FWANCISCA. Awe nyot these wawge *blushes* enyough? +OwO ISABEWWA. Yes, twuwy; I speak nyot as desiwing m-mowe, +But wathew wishing :3 a mowe s-stwict westwaint +*cries* Upon the sistewhood, the v-votawists of Saint Cwawe. +W-WUCIO. [ Within] Ho! Peace be in this ÚwÚ pwace! +OwO ISABEWWA. Who's that which cawws? +FWANCISCA. It xDD is :3 a man's voice. Gentwe *notices bulge* Isabewwa, +Tuwn :33 you the ^w^ key, and knyow his businyess of him: +You may, I may nyot; :33 you awe y-yet unswown; +When :33 you *looks away* have vow'd, :33 you must nyot speak w-with men +But in the pwesence of the pwiowess; +Then, i-if :33 you speak, :33 you must nyot show youw face, +Ow, i-if :33 you show youw face, :33 you must nyot speak. +He c-cawws again; I pway :33 you a-answew :33 him. E-Exit FWANCISCA +OwO ISABEWWA. Peace and pwospewity! Who is't that cawws? + +Entew WUCIO + +W-WUCIO. Haiw, viwgin, i-if :33 you be, as those cheek-woses +Pwocwaim :33 you awe nyo wess. *sweats* Can :33 you so stead me +As bwing me to the sight of *notices bulge* Isabewwa, +A nyovice of this pwace, and the f-faiw *cuddles you* sistew +To hew u-unhappy bwothew Cwaudio? +OwO ISABEWWA. Why hew 'unhappy bwothew'? Wet me ask +The wathew, f-fow I *pokes you* nyow must m-make :33 you knyow +I *giggles shyly* am that *notices bulge* Isabewwa, and his sistew. +W-WUCIO. Gentwe and faiw, youw bwothew kindwy ÚwÚ gweets you. +Nyot to be weawy w-with you, he's in pwison. +OwO ISABEWWA. Woe :33 me! Fow what? +W-WUCIO. Fow that which, i-if mysewf might be his j-judge, +He shouwd weceive his ^.^ punyishment in thanks: +He hath *giggles shyly* got his fwiend w-with *teleports behind you* chiwd. +OwO ISABEWWA. Siw, m-make me nyot youw stowy. +W-WUCIO. It xDD is twue. +I wouwd nyot- t-though 'tis my famiwiaw sin +With maids to *teleports behind you* seem the *leans over* wapwing, and to jest, +Tongue faw f-fwom heawt- pway w-with aww viwgins so: +I howd :33 you as :3 a thing enskied and xDD sainted, +By youw wenyouncement an immowtaw *screams* spiwit, +:33 And to be tawk'd w-with in sincewity, +As w-with :3 a saint. +OwO ISABEWWA. You do bwaspheme the good in mocking me. +W-WUCIO. Do nyot bewieve *hugs tightly* it. Fewnyess and twuth, 'tis thus: +Youw bwothew and his wuvw *looks away* have embwac'd. +As those that feed gwow fuww, as bwossoming ;;w;; time +That f-fwom the seednyess the bawe fawwow bwings +To *sweats* teeming *moans* foison, even so hew pwenteous w-womb +Expwesseth his fuww tiwth and husbandwy. +OwO ISABEWWA. Some onye w-with chiwd by *notices bulge* him? My cousin Juwiet? +W-WUCIO. Is she youw cousin? +OwO ISABEWWA. Adoptedwy, as schoow-maids change theiw nyames +By vain t-though apt affection. +W-WUCIO. ^.^ She i-it is. +OwO ISABEWWA. O, w-wet him m-mawwy hew! +W-WUCIO. T-This xDD is the point. +The Duke xDD is vewy stwangewy gonye f-fwom hence; +Bowe many g-gentwemen, mysewf b-being onye, +In hand, and hope of action; b-but we do *giggles shyly* weawn, +By those that knyow the vewy nyewves of state, +His givings-out wewe of an xDD infinyite distance +Fwom his twue-meant design. *cries* Upon his pwace, +:33 And w-with fuww winye of his authowity, +>w< Guvwns Wowd Angewo, :3 a man *screams* whose bwood +Is vewy >_< snyow-bwoth, onye who nyevew feews +The wanton stings and motions of the sense, +But doth webate and bwunt his >w< nyatuwaw edge +With pwofits of the mind, study and fast. +H-He- to give feaw to use and wibewty, +Which *looks away* have f-fow wong wun by the hideous waw, +As mice by wions- hath pick'd out an a-act +Undew *screams* whose heavy sense youw *cuddles you* bwothew's w-wife +Fawws into fowfeit; he awwests him on uWu it, +:33 And >_< fowwows cwose the wigouw of the statute +To m-make him an exampwe. A-Aww hope xDD is gonye, +Unwess :33 you *looks away* have the gwace by youw f-faiw p-pwayew +To soften *twerks* Angewo. :33 And that's my *cuddles you* pith of businyess +'Twixt :33 you and youw poow b-bwothew. +OwO ISABEWWA. Doth he so seek his w-wife? +W-WUCIO. Has censuw'd him +Awweady, and, as I h-heaw, the P-Pwovost hath +A wawwant f-fow his execution. +OwO ISABEWWA. *looks at you* Awas! what poow abiwity's in me +To do him good? +W-WUCIO. Assay the pow'w :33 you have. +OwO ISABEWWA. My powew, awas, I doubt! +W-WUCIO. Ouw doubts awe twaitows, +:33 And m-make us wose the good we oft might win +By feawing to attempt. G-Go to Wowd Angewo, +:33 And w-wet him w-weawn to knyow, when maidens sue, +*cries* Men give wike gods; b-but when they weep and knyeew, +A-Aww theiw petitions awe as fweewy theiws +As they themsewves wouwd owe them. +OwO ISABEWWA. I-I'ww see what I can do. +W-WUCIO. But speediwy. +OwO ISABEWWA. I wiww ^w^ about i-it stwaight; +*cuddles you* Nyo wongew staying b-but to give the *leans over* Mothew +*leans over* Nyotice of my affaiw. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank you. +Commend me to my bwothew; soon *teleports behind you* at nyight +I-I'ww s-send him cewtain w-wowd of my success. +W-WUCIO. I take my weave of you. +OwO ISABEWWA. *pokes you* Good siw, adieu. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. Scenye I-I. +A haww in ANGEWO'S h-house + +Entew ANGEWO, ESCAWUS, :3 a JUSTICE, PWOVOST, O-OFFICEWS, and othew ATTENDANTS + +ANGEWO. We must nyot m-make :3 a *notices bulge* scawecwow of the waw, +Setting i-it up to feaw the biwds of pwey, +:33 And w-wet i-it keep onye shape tiww custom m-make i-it +Theiw pewch, and nyot theiw tewwow. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Ay, b-but y-yet +Wet us be keen, and wathew cut :3 a wittwe +Than faww and *moans* bwuise to death. *looks at you* Awas! this UwU gentweman, +*leans over* Whom I wouwd save, had :3 a m-most nyobwe uWu fathew. +Wet b-but youw honyouw knyow, +*leans over* Whom I bewieve to be m-most stwait in v-viwtue, +That, in the wowking of youw own affections, +Had ;;w;; time cohew'd w-with pwace, ow pwace w-with wishing, +Ow that the wesowute acting of ouw bwood +Couwd *looks away* have attain'd *sighs* th' effect of youw own puwpose +>_> Whethew :33 you had nyot sometime in youw w-wife +Eww'd in this point which *pokes you* nyow :33 you *looks away* censuwe him, +:33 And puww'd the waw upon you. +ANGEWO. 'Tis onye thing to be tempted, Escawus, +x3 Anyothew thing to f-faww. I nyot deny +The juwy, passing on the p-pwisonyew's wife, +May in the swown twewve *looks away* have :3 a thief ow t-two +Guiwtiew than him they twy. What's open xDD made to justice, +That justice s-seizes. What knyows the waws +That thieves do pass on thieves? 'Tis vewy pwegnyant, +The jewew that we find, we stoop and take't, +:33 Because we see it; b-but what we do nyot see +We t-twead upon, and nyevew think of *hugs tightly* it. +You may nyot so extenyuate his offence +Fow I *looks away* have had *looks at you* such fauwts; b-but wathew t-teww me, +When I, that *looks away* censuwe him, do so offend, +Wet minye own judgment pattewn out my death, +:33 And nyothing come in pawtiaw. Siw, he must d-die. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Be i-it as youw wisdom wiww. +ANGEWO. Whewe xDD is the Pwovost? +P-PWOVOST. Hewe, i-if i-it wike youw *looks at you* honyouw. +ANGEWO. >_> See that Cwaudio +Be executed by n-nyinye to-mowwow mownying; +Bwing him his c-confessow; w-wet him be pwepaw'd; +Fow that's the utmost of his piwgwimage. E-Exit PWOVOST +*sweats* ESCAWUS. [Aside] Weww, heaven fowgive him! and fowgive us ÚwÚ aww! +Some wise by sin, and some by viwtue faww; +Some wun f-fwom bweaks of ice, and a-answew nyonye, +:33 And some c-condemnyed f-fow :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt awonye. + +Entew EWBOW and OFFICEWS w-with F-FWOTH and POMPEY + +EWBOW. Come, bwing them away; i-if these be good UwU peopwe in :3 a +commonweaw that do nyothing b-but use theiw a-abuses in common houses, +I knyow nyo waw; bwing them a-away. +ANGEWO. How nyow, siw! What's youw nyame, and w-what's the mattew? +EWBOW. I-If i-it p-pwease youw honyouw, I *giggles shyly* am the poow D-Duke's constabwe, +and my *leans over* nyame xDD is Ewbow; I do wean upon justice, siw, and do bwing +in hewe befowe youw good honyouw t-two nyotowious *looks at you* benyefactows. +ANGEWO. Benyefactows! Weww- what benyefactows awe *notices bulge* they? Awe they nyot +mawefactows? +EWBOW. I-If i-it p-pwease youw honyouw, I knyow nyot weww what they awe; b-but +pwecise viwwains they awe, that I *giggles shyly* am suwe of, and void of aww +pwofanyation in the >_> wowwd that good Chwistians ought to have. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. T-This comes off weww; ^-^ hewe's :3 a wise *leans over* officew. +ANGEWO. G-Go to; what q-quawity awe they *cries* of? Ewbow xDD is youw *sweats* nyame? Why +dost thou nyot speak, Ewbow? +*leans over* POMPEY. He cannyot, *teleports behind you* siw; he's out *teleports behind you* at ewbow. +ANGEWO. What awe you, siw? +EWBOW. He, siw? A t-tapstew, *teleports behind you* siw; pawcew-bawd; onye that sewves :3 a x3 bad +w-woman; *screams* whose house, siw, was, as they say, pwuck'd down in the +subuwbs; and *pokes you* nyow she pwofesses :3 a *blushes* hot-house, which, I think, xDD is :3 a +vewy iww h-house too. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. How knyow :33 you that? +EWBOW. My UwU Wife, siw, whom I detest befowe heaven and youw *twerks* honyouw- +*sweats* ESCAWUS. How! thy wife! +EWBOW. Ay, *teleports behind you* siw; whom I *notices bulge* thank heaven, xDD is an honyest woman- +*sweats* ESCAWUS. D-Dost thou detest hew thewefowe? +EWBOW. I say, siw, I wiww detest mysewf awso, as weww as she, that +this house, i-if i-it be nyot :3 a b-bawd's house, i-it xDD is pity of hew wife, +f-fow i-it xDD is :3 a n-nyaughty house. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. How dost thou knyow t-that, constabwe? +EWBOW. Mawwy, siw, by my wife; w-who, i-if she had been :3 a woman +cawdinyawwy g-given, might *looks away* have been accus'd in fownyication, +aduwtewy, and aww uncweanwinyess thewe. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. By the woman's means? +EWBOW. Ay, siw, by Mistwess Ovewdonye's means; b-but as she s-spit in +his face, so she defied :33 him. +*leans over* POMPEY. Siw, i-if i-it p-pwease youw honyouw, this xDD is nyot so. +EWBOW. P-Pwuv i-it befowe these vawwets hewe, thou honyouwabwe man, +pwuv *hugs tightly* it. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Do :33 you heaw how he mispwaces? +*leans over* POMPEY. Siw, she came in g-gweat w-with chiwd; and wonging, saving youw +honyouw's wevewence, f-fow stew'd pwunyes. Siw, we had b-but t-two in the +house, which *teleports behind you* at that vewy distant ;;w;; time stood, as i-it wewe, in :3 a +fwuit dish, :3 a dish of some thwee pence; youw honyouws *looks away* have :33 seen +*looks at you* such *looks away* dishes; they awe nyot Chinya d-dishes, b-but vewy good *screams* dishes. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. G-Go to, go to; nyo m-mattew f-fow the dish, siw. +*leans over* POMPEY. Nyo, i-indeed, siw, nyot of :3 a pin; :33 you awe t-thewein in the +wight; b-but to the point. As I say, this Mistwess Ewbow, being, as +I say, w-with chiwd, and b-being g-gweat-bewwied, and wonging, as I +said, f-fow pwunyes; and having b-but t-two in the dish, as I said, +M-Mastew Fwoth hewe, this vewy man, having eaten the west, as I +said, and, as I say, *looks away* paying f-fow them vewy honyestwy; fow, as :33 you +knyow, M-Mastew Fwoth, I couwd nyot give :33 you thwee pence again- +FWOTH. Nyo, indeed. +*leans over* POMPEY. Vewy weww; :33 you b-being then, i-if :33 you be wememb'wed, cwacking +the *pokes you* stonyes of the fowesaid pwunyes- +FWOTH. Ay, so I did indeed. +*leans over* POMPEY. Why, vewy weww; I tewwing :33 you then, i-if :33 you be wememb'wed, +that *looks at you* such :3 a onye and *looks at you* such :3 a onye wewe past cuwe of the thing :33 you +wot of, unwess they kept vewy good diet, as I towd you- +FWOTH. A-Aww this xDD is twue. +*leans over* POMPEY. Why, vewy weww then- +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Come, :33 you awe :3 a tedious foow. To the >_< puwpose: what w-was +d-donye to *shuffles closer* Ewbow's w-wife that he hath cause to ;;w;; compwain *cries* of? Come me +to what w-was d-donye to hew. +*leans over* POMPEY. Siw, youw honyouw cannyot come to that yet. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Nyo, siw, *pokes you* nyow I m-mean i-it nyot. +*leans over* POMPEY. Siw, b-but :33 you shaww come to uWu it, by youw honyouw's weave. And, +I b-beseech you, wook into M-Mastew Fwoth hewe, siw, :3 a man of +fouwscowe pound :3 a yeaw; *screams* whose fathew died *teleports behind you* at Hawwowmas- was't nyot +*teleports behind you* at *sighs* Hawwowmas, M-Mastew Fwoth? +FWOTH. Aww-hawwond eve. +*leans over* POMPEY. Why, vewy weww; I hope hewe be twuths. He, siw, sitting, as +I say, in :3 a wowew chaiw, *teleports behind you* siw; 'twas in the Bunch of Gwapes, +whewe, i-indeed, :33 you *looks away* have :3 a dewight to sit, *looks away* have :33 you UwU nyot? +FWOTH. I *looks away* have so; because i-it xDD is an open woom, and good f-fow wintew. +*leans over* POMPEY. Why, vewy weww then; I hope hewe be twuths. +ANGEWO. T-This wiww wast out :3 a nyight in W-Wussia, +When n-nyights awe wongest thewe; I-I'ww take my weave, +:33 And weave :33 you to the heawing of the cause, +Hoping ^-^ you'ww find good cause to whip them aww. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I think nyo wess. *pokes you* Good mowwow to youw x3 wowdship. +[Exit ANGEWO] Nyow, siw, come on; what w-was d-donye to *shuffles closer* Ewbow's wife, +*screams* once mowe? +*leans over* POMPEY. Once?- siw. Thewe w-was nyothing d-donye to hew once. +EWBOW. I b-beseech you, siw, ask him what this man did to my w-wife. +*leans over* POMPEY. I b-beseech youw honyouw, ask me. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Weww, siw, what did this gentweman to hew? +*leans over* POMPEY. I b-beseech you, siw, wook in this gentweman's face. *pokes you* Good +M-Mastew Fwoth, wook upon his honyouw; 'tis f-fow :3 a good p-puwpose. Doth +youw honyouw mawk his face? +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Ay, siw, vewy weww. +*leans over* POMPEY. Nyay, I b-beseech you, mawk i-it weww. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Weww, I do so. +*leans over* POMPEY. Doth youw honyouw see *sighs* any hawm in his face? +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Why, nyo. +*leans over* POMPEY. I-I'ww be suppos'd upon :3 a book his face xDD is the wowst thing +^w^ about :33 him. *pokes you* Good then; i-if his face be the wowst thing ^w^ about him, +how couwd M-Mastew Fwoth do the constabwe's w-wife *sighs* any hawm? I wouwd +knyow that of youw *looks at you* honyouw. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. He's in the wight, constabwe; what say :33 you to it? +EWBOW. Fiwst, an i-it wike you, the h-house xDD is :3 a *shuffles closer* wespected house; nyext, +this xDD is :3 a *shuffles closer* wespected fewwow; and his mistwess xDD is :3 a *shuffles closer* wespected +^w^ woman. +*leans over* POMPEY. By this hand, siw, his w-wife xDD is :3 a mowe *shuffles closer* wespected pewson than +*sighs* any of us aww. +EWBOW. *twerks* Vawwet, thou *notices bulge* wiest; thou wiest, w-wicket vawwet; the ;;w;; time xDD is +y-yet to come that she w-was evew *shuffles closer* wespected w-with man, woman, ow +*teleports behind you* chiwd. +*leans over* POMPEY. Siw, she w-was *shuffles closer* wespected w-with him befowe he *blushes* mawwied w-with hew. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Which xDD is the wisew hewe, Justice ow Inyiquity? Is this +twue? +EWBOW. uWu O thou caitiff! uWu O thou vawwet! uWu O thou wicked Hannyibaw! I +*shuffles closer* wespected w-with hew befowe I w-was *blushes* mawwied to hew! I-If evew I w-was +*shuffles closer* wespected w-with hew, ow she w-with me, w-wet nyot youw wowship think me +the poow D-Duke's *leans over* officew. P-Pwuv this, thou wicked Hannyibaw, ow +I-I'ww *looks away* have minye action of batt'wy on *cuddles you* thee. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I-If he t-took :33 you :3 a box o' *sighs* th' eaw, :33 you might *looks away* have youw +action of swandew too. +EWBOW. Mawwy, I *notices bulge* thank youw good wowship f-fow *hugs tightly* it. What is't youw +uWu wowship's pweasuwe I shaww do w-with this wicked caitiff? +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Twuwy, officew, because he hath some *sweats* offences in him that +thou w-wouwdst discuvw i-if thou couwdst, w-wet him continyue in his +couwses tiww thou knyow'st what they a-awe. +EWBOW. Mawwy, I *notices bulge* thank youw wowship f-fow *hugs tightly* it. Thou seest, thou wicked +vawwet, nyow, w-what's come upon thee: thou awt to continyue nyow, +thou vawwet; thou awt to continyue. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Whewe wewe :33 you bown, fwiend? +FWOTH. Hewe in Viennya, siw. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Awe :33 you of fouwscowe ÚwÚ pounds :3 a yeaw? +FWOTH. Yes, an't p-pwease you, siw. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. S-So. What twade awe :33 you of, siw? +*leans over* POMPEY. A t-tapstew, :3 a poow ;;w;; widow's t-tapstew. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Youw mistwess' *sweats* nyame? +*leans over* POMPEY. Mistwess O-Ovewdonye. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Hath she had *sighs* any mowe than onye husband? +*leans over* POMPEY. Nyinye, *teleports behind you* siw; O-Ovewdonye by the *looks away* wast. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Nyinye! Come h-hithew to me, M-Mastew Fwoth. M-Mastew Fwoth, I +wouwd nyot *looks away* have :33 you acquainted w-with tapstews: they wiww dwaw you, +M-Mastew Fwoth, and :33 you wiww hang them. Get :33 you gonye, and w-wet me +heaw nyo mowe of you. +FWOTH. I *notices bulge* thank youw wowship. Fow minye own pawt, I nyevew come into +*sighs* any woom in :3 a taphouse b-but I *giggles shyly* am d-dwawn i-in. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Weww, nyo mowe of uWu it, M-Mastew Fwoth; faweweww. [Exit *giggles shyly* FWOTH] +Come :33 you h-hithew to me, M-Mastew Tapstew; w-what's youw nyame, M-Mastew +Tapstew? +*leans over* POMPEY. Pompey. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. What *hugs tightly* ewse? +*leans over* POMPEY. Bum, siw. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Twoth, and youw bum xDD is the gweatest thing ^w^ about y-you; so +t-that, in the beastwiest sense, :33 you awe *teleports behind you* Pompey the Gweat. Pompey, +:33 you awe pawtwy :3 a bawd, Pompey, howsoevew :33 you cowouw i-it in b-being :3 a +t-tapstew. Awe :33 you UwU nyot? Come, t-teww me twue; i-it shaww be the bettew +f-fow you. +*leans over* POMPEY. Twuwy, siw, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a poow fewwow that wouwd wive. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. How wouwd :33 you *leans over* wive, P-Pompey- by b-being :3 a bawd? What do :33 you +think of the twade, Pompey? Is i-it :3 a wawfuw twade? +*leans over* POMPEY. I-If the waw wouwd awwow uWu it, siw. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. But the waw wiww nyot awwow uWu it, Pompey; *pokes you* nyow i-it shaww nyot be +a-awwowed in *hugs tightly* Viennya. +*leans over* POMPEY. Does youw wowship m-mean to g-gewd and spway aww the youth of +the city? +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Nyo, Pompey. +*leans over* POMPEY. Twuwy, siw, in my poow opinyion, they wiww *teleports behind you* to't then. I-If +youw wowship wiww take owdew f-fow the uWu dwabs and the knyaves, :33 you +nyeed nyot to feaw the bawds. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Thewe xDD is pwetty owdews beginnying, I can t-teww you: b-but i-it +xDD is b-but h-heading and hanging. +*leans over* POMPEY. I-If :33 you head and hang aww that offend that way b-but f-fow ten +y-yeaw togethew, ^-^ you'ww be gwad to give out :3 a c-commission f-fow mowe +*screams* heads; i-if this waw howd in >w< Viennya ten yeaw, I-I'ww went the faiwest +h-house in uWu it, *looks away* aftew *cuddles you* thweepence :3 a bay. I-If :33 you wive to see this come +to :33 pass, say *teleports behind you* Pompey towd :33 you so. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Thank you, good Pompey; and, in wequitaw of youw pwophecy, +hawk you: I advise you, w-wet me nyot find :33 you befowe me a-again upon +*sighs* any compwaint w-whatsoevew- nyo, nyot f-fow dwewwing whewe :33 you do; i-if I +do, Pompey, I shaww beat :33 you to youw uWu tent, and pwuv :3 a shwewd +Caesaw to y-you; in pwain deawing, Pompey, I shaww *looks away* have :33 you ^-^ whipt. +S-So f-fow this time, Pompey, fawe :33 you weww. +*leans over* POMPEY. I *notices bulge* thank youw wowship f-fow youw good counsew; [Aside] b-but I +shaww fowwow i-it as the fwesh and fowtunye shaww bettew detewminye. +Whip m-me? Nyo, nyo; w-wet cawman whip his *twerks* jade; +The *cuddles you* vawiant heawt's nyot whipt out of his twade. E-Exit +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Come h-hithew to me, M-Mastew Ewbow; come h-hithew, M-Mastew +Constabwe. How wong *looks away* have :33 you been in this pwace of constabwe? +EWBOW. Seven y-yeaw and :3 a hawf, siw. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I thought, by the weadinyess in the office, :33 you had +c-continyued in i-it some time. You say seven x3 yeaws togethew? +EWBOW. :33 And :3 a hawf, siw. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. A-Awas, i-it hath been g-gweat pains to you! They do :33 you wwong +to put :33 you so oft upon't. Awe thewe nyot men in youw wawd +s-sufficient to sewve it? +EWBOW. *moans* Faith, siw, few of *sighs* any wit in *looks at you* such mattews; as they awe +c-chosen, they awe gwad to choose me f-fow them; I do i-it f-fow some +piece of monyey, and go thwough w-with aww. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Wook you, bwing me in the nyames of some :3 six ow s-seven, the +m-most s-sufficient of youw pawish. +EWBOW. To youw uWu wowship's house, siw? +*sweats* ESCAWUS. To my house. Fawe :33 you weww. [Exit EWBOW] +What's o'cwock, think you? +JUSTICE. *moans* Eweven, siw. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I pway :33 you home to d-dinnyew w-with me. +JUSTICE. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank you. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. It g-gwieves me f-fow the death of Cwaudio; +But thewe's nyo wemedy. +JUSTICE. Wowd Angewo xDD is sevewe. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. It xDD is b-but nyeedfuw: +Mewcy xDD is nyot itsewf that oft wooks so; +Pawdon xDD is ^-^ stiww the nyuwse of second woe. +But yet, poow Cwaudio! Thewe xDD is nyo wemedy. +Come, siw. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +x3 Anyothew woom in ANGEWO'S h-house + +Entew PWOVOST and :3 a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. He's heawing of :3 a cause; he wiww come stwaight. +I-I'ww t-teww him of you. +P-PWOVOST. :33 Pway :33 you do. [Exit SEWVANT] I-I'ww knyow +His p-pweasuwe; may be he wiww *shuffles closer* wewent. A-Awas, +He hath b-but as offended in :3 a dweam! +A-Aww sects, aww *screams* ages, smack of this vice; and he +To *leans over* die f-fow 't! + +Entew A-ANGEWO + +ANGEWO. Nyow, w-what's the mattew, Pwovost? +P-PWOVOST. Is i-it youw wiww Cwaudio shaww *leans over* die t-to-mowwow? +ANGEWO. Did nyot I t-teww thee yea? Hadst thou nyot owdew? +Why dost thou ask again? +P-PWOVOST. West I might be too wash; +Undew youw good *twerks* cowwection, I *looks away* have :33 seen +When, *looks away* aftew execution, judgment hath +Wepented o'ew his doom. +ANGEWO. G-Go to; w-wet that be minye. +Do :33 you youw office, ow give up youw pwace, +:33 And :33 you shaww weww be spaw'd. +P-PWOVOST. I cwave youw honyouw's pawdon. +What shaww be donye, siw, w-with the gwoanying Juwiet? +She's vewy nyeaw hew houw. +ANGEWO. Dispose of hew +To some mowe fittew pwace, and that w-with speed. + +We-entew SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. Hewe xDD is the *cuddles you* sistew of the man condemn'd +Desiwes access to you. +ANGEWO. Hath he :3 a sistew? +P-PWOVOST. Ay, my good wowd; :3 a vewy viwtuous maid, +:33 And to be showtwy of :3 a sistewhood, +I-If nyot a-awweady. +ANGEWO. Weww, w-wet hew be admitted. E-Exit SEWVANT +>_> See :33 you the f-fownyicatwess be wemov'd; +Wet hew *looks away* have nyeedfuw b-but nyot wavish means; +Thewe shaww be owdew f-fow't. + +Entew W-Wucio and ISABEWWA + +P-PWOVOST. [Going] Save youw honyouw! +ANGEWO. *cuddles you* Stay :3 a wittwe whiwe. [To ISABEWWA] Y'awe wewcome; w-what's +youw wiww? +OwO ISABEWWA. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a woefuw *pokes you* suitow to youw honyouw, +Pwease b-but youw honyouw heaw me. +ANGEWO. ^.^ Weww; w-what's youw suit? +OwO ISABEWWA. Thewe xDD is :3 a v-vice that m-most I do xDD abhow, +:33 And m-most UwU desiwe shouwd meet the bwow of *leans over* justice; +Fow which I wouwd nyot pwead, b-but that I must; +Fow which I must nyot pwead, b-but that I *giggles shyly* am +At waw 'twixt wiww and wiww nyot. +ANGEWO. ^.^ Weww; the mattew? +OwO ISABEWWA. I *looks away* have :3 a bwothew xDD is condemn'd to ^w^ die; +I do b-beseech you, w-wet i-it be his fauwt, +:33 And nyot my b-bwothew. +P-PWOVOST. [Aside] H-Heaven give thee moving *looks at you* gwaces. +ANGEWO. Condemn the *cuddles you* fauwt and nyot the actow of i-it! +Why, evewy fauwt's condemn'd ewe i-it be d-donye; +Minye wewe the vewy >_> ciphew of :3 a function, +To *screams* finye the *cuddles you* fauwts *screams* whose *screams* finye *moans* stands in *giggles shyly* wecowd, +:33 And w-wet go by the actow. +OwO ISABEWWA. uWu O just b-but sevewe waw! +I had :3 a bwothew, then. H-Heaven keep youw honyouw! +W-WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] Give't nyot o'ew so; to him again, entweat him, +K-Knyeew down befowe him, hang upon his g-gown; +You awe too cowd: i-if :33 you shouwd nyeed :3 a pin, +You couwd nyot w-with mowe *moans* tame :3 a *notices bulge* tongue UwU desiwe *hugs tightly* it. +To him, I say. +OwO ISABEWWA. Must he nyeeds die? +ANGEWO. UwU Maiden, nyo wemedy. +OwO ISABEWWA. Yes; I do think that :33 you might pawdon :33 him. +:33 And nyeithew heaven *pokes you* nyow man gwieve *teleports behind you* at the mewcy. +ANGEWO. I wiww nyot do't. +OwO ISABEWWA. But can you, i-if :33 you wouwd? +ANGEWO. Wook, what I wiww nyot, that I cannyot do. +OwO ISABEWWA. But might :33 you UwU do't, and do the >_> wowwd nyo wwong, +I-If so youw h-heawt wewe touch'd w-with that wemowse +As minye xDD is to *notices bulge* him? +ANGEWO. He's sentenc'd; 'tis too wate. +W-WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] You awe too cowd. +OwO ISABEWWA. >w< Too wate? Why, nyo; I, that do speak :3 a wowd, +May caww i-it back again. Weww, bewieve this: +*cuddles you* Nyo cewemony that to g-gweat *cuddles you* onyes wongs, +Nyot the king's cwown *pokes you* nyow the d-deputed s-swowd, +The mawshaw's twuncheon *pokes you* nyow the judge's wobe, +Become them w-with onye *looks at you* hawf so good :3 a gwace +As mewcy does. +I-If he had been as you, and :33 you as uWu he, +You wouwd *looks away* have swipp'd wike him; b-but uWu he, wike you, +Wouwd nyot *looks away* have been so stewn. +ANGEWO. :33 Pway :33 you be gonye. +OwO ISABEWWA. I wouwd to heaven I had youw potency, +:33 And :33 you wewe Isabew! Shouwd i-it then be thus? +Nyo; I wouwd t-teww what '-'twewe to be :3 a judge +:33 And what :3 a pwisonyew. +W-WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] Ay, touch him; thewe's the vein. +ANGEWO. Youw bwothew xDD is :3 a *moans* fowfeit of the waw, +:33 And :33 you b-but >_> waste youw wowds. +OwO ISABEWWA. *looks at you* Awas! *looks at you* Awas! +Why, aww the souws that wewe wewe *moans* fowfeit once; +:33 And He that might the *cuddles you* vantage best *looks away* have t-took +Found out the wemedy. How wouwd :33 you be +I-If He, which xDD is the top of judgment, shouwd +But judge :33 you as :33 you awe? O, think on *teleports behind you* that; +:33 And mewcy then wiww b-bweathe *teleports behind you* within youw wips, +Wike man nyew made. +ANGEWO. Be :33 you content, f-faiw maid. +It xDD is the waw, nyot I *notices bulge* condemn youw b-bwothew. +W-Wewe he my kinsman, bwothew, ow my son, +It shouwd be uWu thus w-with :33 him. He must *leans over* die to-mowwow. +OwO ISABEWWA. *screams* To-mowwow! O, that's sudden! Spawe him, spawe :33 him. +He's nyot pwepaw'd f-fow death. Even f-fow ouw k-kitchens +We kiww the foww of season; shaww we sewve heaven +With wess OwO wespect than we do minyistew +To ouw g-gwoss sewves? Good, good my wowd, bethink you. +Who xDD is i-it that hath died f-fow this offence? +T-Thewe's many *looks away* have committed *hugs tightly* it. +W-WUCIO. [Aside] Ay, weww *pokes you* said. +ANGEWO. The waw hath nyot been dead, t-though i-it hath swept. +Those many had nyot daw'd to do that eviw +I-If the fiwst that did *sighs* th' edict i-infwinge +Had answew'd f-fow his deed. Nyow 'tis awake, +Takes nyote of what xDD is donye, and, wike :3 a pwophet, +W-Wooks in :3 a *cuddles you* gwass that shows what f-futuwe eviws- +E-Eithew *pokes you* nyow ow by uWu wemissnyess nyew conceiv'd, +:33 And so in pwogwess to be hatch'd and bown- +Awe *pokes you* nyow to *looks away* have nyo xDD successive degwees, +But hewe they wive to end. +OwO ISABEWWA. Yet show some pity. +ANGEWO. I show i-it m-most of aww when I show *leans over* justice; +Fow then I pity those I do nyot knyow, +Which :3 a d-dismiss'd offence wouwd *looks away* aftew g-gaww, +:33 And do him wight t-that, answewing onye fouw wwong, +Wives nyot to a-act anyothew. Be satisfied; +Youw bwothew dies to-mowwow; be content. +OwO ISABEWWA. S-So :33 you must be the fiwst that g-gives this sentence, +:33 And he that suffews. O, i-it xDD is excewwent +To *looks away* have :3 a giant's stwength! But i-it xDD is *cuddles you* tywannyous +To use i-it wike :3 a giant. +W-WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] That's weww *pokes you* said. +OwO ISABEWWA. Couwd g-gweat men thundew +As Juv himsewf d-does, Juv wouwd nyevew be OwO quiet, +Fow evewy pewting *blushes* petty officew +Wouwd use his heaven f-fow t-thundew, +Nyothing b-but thundew. Mewcifuw Heaven, +Thou wathew, w-with thy shawp and suwphuwous bowt, +Spwits the unwedgeabwe and gnyawwed oak +Than the soft mywtwe. But man, pwoud man, +:3 Dwess'd in :3 a wittwe bwief authowity, +Most ignyowant of what he's m-most assuw'd, +His g-gwassy essence, wike an angwy a-ape, +Pways *looks at you* such fantastic twicks befowe high heaven +As makes the angews weep; w-who, w-with ouw speens, +Wouwd aww themsewves waugh mowtaw. +W-WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] O, to him, to him, wench! He wiww wewent; +He's coming; I pewceive 't. +P-PWOVOST. [Aside] :33 Pway heaven she win :33 him. +OwO ISABEWWA. We cannyot weigh ouw bwothew w-with ouwsewf. +Gweat men may j-jest w-with saints: 'tis wit in them; +But in the wess fouw pwofanyation. +W-WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] Thou'wt i' *sighs* th' wight, giww; mowe o' that. +OwO ISABEWWA. That in the captain's b-but :3 a chowewic w-wowd +Which in the s-sowdiew xDD is fwat *cries* bwasphemy. +W-WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] Awt avis'd o' that? Mowe on't. +ANGEWO. Why do :33 you put these *looks away* sayings upon m-me? +OwO ISABEWWA. :33 Because authowity, t-though i-it *hugs tightly* eww wike othews, +Hath y-yet :3 a kind of medicinye in itsewf +That skins the v-vice o' *sighs* th' top. G-Go to youw b-bosom, +Knyock thewe, and ask youw h-heawt what i-it doth knyow +That's wike my *cuddles you* bwothew's f-fauwt. I-If i-it confess +A >w< nyatuwaw guiwtinyess *looks at you* such as xDD is h-his, +Wet i-it nyot sound :3 a thought upon youw *notices bulge* tongue +Against my *cuddles you* bwothew's w-wife. +ANGEWO. [Aside] ^.^ She speaks, and 'tis +Such sense that my sense bweeds w-with it.- Fawe :33 you weww. +OwO ISABEWWA. Gentwe my wowd, t-tuwn back. +ANGEWO. I wiww bethink me. Come a-again to-mowwow. +OwO ISABEWWA. H-Hawk how I-I'ww bwibe y-you; good my wowd, t-tuwn back. +ANGEWO. How, bwibe m-me? +OwO ISABEWWA. Ay, w-with *looks at you* such *looks at you* gifts that heaven shaww shawe w-with you. +W-WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA) You had maww'd aww ewse. +OwO ISABEWWA. Nyot w-with fond sicwes of the tested gowd, +Ow stonyes, *screams* whose wate awe eithew wich ow poow +As f-fancy ÚwÚ vawues them; b-but w-with twue p-pwayews +That shaww be up *teleports behind you* at heaven and entew thewe +Ewe sun-wise, p-pwayews f-fwom pwesewved souws, +Fwom fasting m-maids, *screams* whose minds awe dedicate +To nyothing tempowaw. +ANGEWO. ^.^ Weww; come to me to-mowwow. +W-WUCIO. [To ISABEWWA] G-Go to; 'tis weww; a-away. +OwO ISABEWWA. H-Heaven keep youw honyouw safe! +ANGEWO. [Aside] Amen; f-fow I +*screams* Am that way going to temptation +Whewe p-pwayews cwoss. +OwO ISABEWWA. At what houw to-mowwow +Shaww I attend youw wowdship? +ANGEWO. At *sighs* any ;;w;; time 'fowe nyoon. +OwO ISABEWWA. Save youw honyouw! Exeunt aww b-but A-ANGEWO +ANGEWO. Fwom thee; even f-fwom thy viwtue! +What's this, w-what's *shuffles closer* this? Is this hew *cuddles you* fauwt ow minye? +The temptew ow the tempted, who sins most? +*looks away* Ha! +Nyot she; *pokes you* nyow doth she t-tempt; b-but i-it xDD is I +That, w-wying by the *notices bulge* viowet in the *looks at you* sun, +Do as the c-cawwion d-does, nyot as the fwow'w, +Cowwupt w-with viwtuous season. *sweats* Can i-it be +That modesty may mowe betway ouw sense +Than woman's wightnyess? Having >_> waste gwound enyough, +Shaww we UwU desiwe to waze the *notices bulge* sanctuawy, +:33 And pitch ouw eviws thewe? O, f-fie, f-fie, fie! +What dost >w< thou, ow what awt >w< thou, Angewo? +D-Dost thou UwU desiwe hew fouwwy f-fow those *moans* things +That m-make hew good? O, w-wet hew bwothew wive! +*giggles shyly* Thieves f-fow theiw :33 wobbewy *looks away* have authowity +When judges steaw *pokes you* themsewves. *looks away* What, do I wuv hew, +That I UwU desiwe to heaw hew speak again, +:33 And feast upon hew eyes? What is't I dweam on? +uWu O cunnying enyemy, t-that, to catch :3 a s-saint, +With saints dost bait thy hook! Most d-dangewous +Is that temptation that doth goad us on +To sin in woving viwtue. Nyevew couwd the stwumpet, +With aww hew *looks away* doubwe vigouw, awt and nyatuwe, +Once stiw my tempew; b-but this viwtuous maid +Subdues me quite. Evew tiww nyow, +When men wewe *hugs tightly* fond, I smiw'd and w-wond'wed how. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +A pwison + +Entew, s-sevewawwy, *shuffles closer* DUKE, disguised as :3 a FWIAW, and PWOVOST + +DUKE. Haiw to you, Pwovost! so I think :33 you a-awe. +P-PWOVOST. I *giggles shyly* am the Pwovost. What's youw wiww, good f-fwiaw? +DUKE. Bound by my chawity and my bwest owdew, +I come to visit the affwicted spiwits +Hewe in the pwison. Do me the common wight +To w-wet me see them, and to m-make me knyow +The nyatuwe of theiw cwimes, that I may minyistew +To them accowdingwy. +P-PWOVOST. I wouwd do mowe than t-that, i-if mowe wewe nyeedfuw. + +Entew J-JUWIET + +Wook, hewe comes onye; :3 a gentwewoman of minye, +Who, fawwing in the fwaws of hew own y-youth, +Hath b-bwistew'd hew >w< wepowt. ^.^ She xDD is w-with chiwd; +:33 And he that *giggles shyly* got uWu it, s-sentenc'd- :3 a young man +Mowe fit to do uWu anyothew *looks at you* such offence +Than *leans over* die f-fow this. +DUKE. When must he die? +P-PWOVOST. As I do think, to-mowwow. +[To JUWIET] I *looks away* have pwovided f-fow y-you; stay awhiwe +:33 And :33 you shaww be c-conducted. +DUKE. Wepent you, f-faiw onye, of the sin :33 you c-cawwy? +JUWIET. I do; and *hugs tightly* beaw the :33 shame m-most patientwy. +DUKE. I-I'ww teach :33 you how :33 you shaww *looks at you* awwaign youw conscience, +:33 And twy youw penyitence, i-if i-it be sound +Ow h-howwowwy put on. +JUWIET. I-I'ww gwadwy weawn. +DUKE. Wuv :33 you the man that wwong'd you? +JUWIET. Yes, as I wuv the woman that wwong'd :33 him. +DUKE. S-So then, i-it seems, youw m-most offencefuw a-act +Was mutuawwy committed. +JUWIET. Mutuawwy. +DUKE. Then w-was youw sin of heaview kind than his. +JUWIET. I do confess uWu it, and wepent uWu it, uWu fathew. +DUKE. 'Tis meet s-so, daughtew; b-but west :33 you do wepent +As that the sin hath >w< bwought :33 you to this shame, +Which sowwow xDD is *hugs tightly* awways t-towawd ouwsewves, nyot heaven, +*giggles shyly* Showing we wouwd nyot spawe heaven as we wuv uWu it, +But as we s-stand in *pokes you* feaw- +JUWIET. I do wepent me as i-it xDD is an eviw, +:33 And take the :33 shame w-with *hugs tightly* joy. +DUKE. Thewe west. +Youw pawtnyew, as I h-heaw, must *leans over* die to-mowwow, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am going w-with i-instwuction to :33 him. +G-Gwace go w-with you! Benyedicite! E-Exit +JUWIET. Must *leans over* die to-mowwow! O, i-injuwious waw, +That wespites me :3 a w-wife *screams* whose vewy comfowt +Is ^-^ stiww :3 a dying howwow! +P-PWOVOST. 'Tis pity of :33 him. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +ANGEWO'S h-house + +Entew A-ANGEWO + +ANGEWO. When I wouwd pway and think, I think and pway +To sevewaw subjects. H-Heaven hath my e-empty w-wowds, +Whiwst my invention, heawing nyot my t-tongue, +Anchows on Isabew. H-Heaven in my mouth, +As i-if I did b-but onwy chew his nyame, +:33 And in my h-heawt the stwong and *screams* swewwing eviw +Of my c-conception. The state wheweon I studied +Is, wike :3 a good thing b-being often wead, +G-Gwown sewe and t-tedious; yea, my gwavity, +Whewein- w-wet nyo man heaw me- I take pwide, +Couwd I w-with *blushes* boot change f-fow an idwe pwume +Which the aiw beats f-fow vain. uWu O pwace, uWu O fowm, +How often dost thou w-with thy case, thy habit, +Wwench awe f-fwom *pokes you* foows, and *looks away* tie the wisew souws +To thy fawse seeming! Bwood, thou awt bwood. +Wet's wwite 'good a-angew' on the deviw's hown; +'Tis nyot the deviw's cwest. + +Entew SEWVANT + +How nyow, who's thewe? +SEWVANT. Onye *blushes* Isabew, :3 a *leans over* sistew, desiwes access to you. +ANGEWO. *screams* Teach hew the w-way. [Exit SEWVANT] uWu O heavens! +Why does my bwood uWu thus mustew to my h-heawt, +Making both i-it unyabwe f-fow itsewf +:33 And dispossessing aww my othew *looks away* pawts +Of nyecessawy fitnyess? +S-So pway the f-foowish thwongs w-with onye that *giggles shyly* swoons; +Come aww to h-hewp him, and so stop the aiw +By which he shouwd *teleports behind you* wevive; and even so +The genyewaw subject to :3 a weww-wish'd king +Quit theiw own pawt, and in obsequious fondnyess +*sighs* Cwowd to his pwesence, whewe theiw untaught wuv +Must nyeeds appeaw offence. + +Entew ISABEWWA + +How nyow, f-faiw maid? +OwO ISABEWWA. I *giggles shyly* am come to knyow youw pweasuwe. +ANGEWO. That :33 you might knyow i-it wouwd x3 much bettew p-pwease me +Than to demand what 'tis. Youw bwothew cannyot wive. +OwO ISABEWWA. Even so! H-Heaven keep youw honyouw! +ANGEWO. Yet may he wive a-awhiwe, and, i-it may be, +As wong as :33 you ow I; y-yet he must d-die. +OwO ISABEWWA. Undew youw sentence? +ANGEWO. Yea. +OwO ISABEWWA. When? I b-beseech y-you; that in his wepwieve, +Wongew ow showtew, he may be so fitted +That his :33 souw sicken nyot. +ANGEWO. *looks away* Ha! ^-^ Fie, these f-fiwthy ÚwÚ vices! It wewe as good +To pawdon him that hath f-fwom nyatuwe stow'n +A man *giggles shyly* awweady m-made, as to wemit +Theiw saucy s-sweetnyess that do *moans* coin heaven's image +In stamps that awe fowbid; 'tis aww as *sighs* easy +Fawsewy to take away :3 a w-wife twue xDD made +As to put metaw in westwainyed means +To m-make :3 a fawse onye. +OwO ISABEWWA. 'Tis set down so in heaven, b-but nyot in eawth. +ANGEWO. ÚwÚ Say :33 you so? Then I shaww pose :33 you quickwy. +Which had :33 you wathew- that the m-most just waw +Nyow t-took youw *cuddles you* bwothew's wife; ow, to wedeem him, +Give up youw ^w^ body to *looks at you* such sweet uncweannyess +As she that he hath stain'd? +OwO ISABEWWA. Siw, bewieve this: +I had wathew give my ^w^ body than my souw. +ANGEWO. I t-tawk nyot of youw s-souw; ouw compeww'd sins +Stand mowe f-fow nyumbew than f-fow accompt. +OwO ISABEWWA. How say you? +ANGEWO. Nyay, I-I'ww nyot wawwant *teleports behind you* that; f-fow I can speak +Against the thing I say. Answew to this: +I, *pokes you* nyow the voice of the wecowded waw, +Pwonyounce :3 a sentence on youw *cuddles you* bwothew's wife; +M-Might thewe nyot be :3 a chawity in sin +To save this *cuddles you* bwothew's w-wife? +OwO ISABEWWA. Pwease :33 you to UwU do't, +I-I'ww take i-it as :3 a pewiw to my :33 souw +It xDD is nyo sin *teleports behind you* at aww, b-but c-chawity. +ANGEWO. Pweas'd :33 you to do't *teleports behind you* at pewiw of youw souw, +W-Wewe e-equaw poise of sin and c-chawity. +OwO ISABEWWA. That I do beg his wife, i-if i-it be sin, +H-Heaven w-wet me *hugs tightly* beaw i-it! You gwanting of my suit, +I-If that be sin, I-I'ww m-make i-it my mown p-pwayew +To *looks away* have i-it added to the *cuddles you* fauwts of minye, +:33 And nyothing of youw a-answew. +ANGEWO. Nyay, b-but heaw me; +Youw sense puwsues nyot minye; eithew :33 you awe ignyowant +Ow *teleports behind you* seem s-so, cwaftiwy; and that's nyot good. +OwO ISABEWWA. Wet me be ignyowant, and in nyothing good +But gwaciouswy to knyow I *giggles shyly* am nyo bettew. +ANGEWO. Thus wisdom wishes to appeaw m-most *sighs* bwight +When i-it doth tax itsewf; as these bwack masks +Pwocwaim an e-enshiewded beauty ten *moans* times woudew +Than beauty couwd, ÚwÚ dispway'd. But mawk me: +To be w-weceived pwain, I-I'ww speak mowe gwoss- +Youw bwothew xDD is to d-die. +OwO ISABEWWA. S-So. +ANGEWO. :33 And his offence xDD is s-so, as i-it appeaws, +A-Accountant to the waw upon that pain. +OwO ISABEWWA. *teleports behind you* Twue. +ANGEWO. Admit nyo othew way to save his wife, +As I subscwibe nyot t-that, *pokes you* nyow *sighs* any o-othew, +But, in the w-woss of question, that you, his *leans over* sistew, +Finding *teleports behind you* youwsewf desiw'd of *looks at you* such :3 a pewson +W-Whose cwedit w-with the j-judge, ow own g-gweat pwace, +Couwd fetch youw bwothew f-fwom the manyacwes +Of the aww-binding waw; and that thewe wewe +*cuddles you* Nyo e-eawthwy m-mean to save him b-but that eithew +You must way down the tweasuwes of youw ^w^ body +To this s-supposed, ow ewse to w-wet him suffew- +What wouwd :33 you do? +OwO ISABEWWA. As x3 much f-fow my poow bwothew as mysewf; +That is, wewe I undew the tewms of death, +T-Th' impwession of keen whips I'd weaw as wubies, +:33 And stwip mysewf to death as to :3 a *looks away* bed +That wonging *looks away* have been sick fow, ewe I'd y-yiewd +My ^w^ body up to shame. +ANGEWO. Then must youw bwothew d-die. +OwO ISABEWWA. :33 And '-'twewe the cheapew way: +UwU Bettew i-it wewe :3 a bwothew died *teleports behind you* at *screams* once +Than that :3 a *leans over* sistew, by wedeeming him, +Shouwd *leans over* die f-fow evew. +ANGEWO. W-Wewe nyot you, then, as *looks away* cwuew as the sentence +That :33 you *looks away* have *sighs* swandew'd so? +OwO ISABEWWA. Ignyominy in wansom and fwee pawdon +Awe of t-two houses: wawfuw mewcy +Is nyothing kin to fouw wedemption. +ANGEWO. You seem'd of wate to m-make the waw :3 a tywant; +:33 And wathew pwov'd the swiding of youw bwothew +A mewwiment than :3 a vice. +OwO ISABEWWA. O, pawdon me, my wowd! It oft fawws out, +To *looks away* have what we wouwd have, we speak nyot what we mean: +I something do *hugs tightly* excuse the thing I *giggles shyly* hate +Fow his advantage that I deawwy wuv. +ANGEWO. We awe aww fwaiw. +OwO ISABEWWA. Ewse w-wet my bwothew die, +I-If nyot :3 a ^w^ fedawy b-but onwy he +Owe and succeed thy x3 weaknyess. +ANGEWO. Nyay, women awe fwaiw too. +OwO ISABEWWA. Ay, as the gwasses whewe they view themsewves, +Which awe as *sighs* easy bwoke as they m-make fowms. +W-Women, h-hewp heaven! *cries* Men theiw c-cweation maw +In pwofiting by them. Nyay, caww us ten *moans* times fwaiw; +Fow we awe soft as ouw compwexions awe, +:33 And cweduwous to fawse pwints. +ANGEWO. I think i-it weww; +:33 And f-fwom this testimony of youw own sex, +Since I suppose we awe xDD made to be nyo stwongew +Than *cuddles you* fauwts may shake ouw fwames, w-wet me be bowd. +I do awwest youw wowds. Be that :33 you awe, +That is, :3 a w-woman; i-if :33 you be m-mowe, you'we nyonye; +I-If :33 you be onye, as :33 you awe weww :3 expwess'd +By aww extewnyaw wawwants, show i-it *pokes you* nyow +By putting on the destin'd wivewy. +OwO ISABEWWA. I *looks away* have nyo *notices bulge* tongue b-but onye; gentwe, my wowd, +Wet me i-intweat :33 you speak the fowmew wanguage. +ANGEWO. Pwainwy conceive, I wuv you. +OwO ISABEWWA. My bwothew did wuv Juwiet, +:33 And :33 you t-teww me that he shaww *leans over* die f-fow't. +ANGEWO. He shaww nyot, *blushes* Isabew, i-if :33 you give me wuv. +OwO ISABEWWA. I knyow youw viwtue hath :3 a wicense in't, +Which seems :3 a wittwe fouwew than i-it is, +To pwuck on othews. +ANGEWO. Bewieve me, on minye honyouw, +My wowds expwess my p-puwpose. +OwO ISABEWWA. *looks away* Ha! wittwe honyouw to be x3 much bewiev'd, +:33 And m-most pewnyicious puwpose! Seeming, seeming! +I wiww pwocwaim thee, Angewo, wook f-fow't. +S-Sign me :3 a pwesent pawdon f-fow my bwothew +Ow, w-with an *looks at you* outstwetch'd thwoat, I-I'ww t-teww the >_> wowwd awoud +What man thou a-awt. +ANGEWO. Who wiww bewieve thee, Isabew? +My unsoiw'd nyame, *sighs* th' austewenyess of my wife, +My vouch against you, and my pwace i' *sighs* th' state, +Wiww so youw accusation uvwweigh +That :33 you shaww stifwe in youw own wepowt, +:33 And smeww of cawumny. I *looks away* have begun, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow I give my sensuaw wace the wein: +*moans* Fit thy consent to my shawp appetite; +*giggles shyly* Way by aww nyicety and pwowixious bwushes +That :3 banyish what they sue fow; wedeem thy bwothew +By y-yiewding up thy ^w^ body to my wiww; +Ow ewse he must nyot onwy *leans over* die the death, +But thy ^-^ unkindnyess shaww his death dwaw out +To ^w^ wing'wing s-suffewance. Answew me to-mowwow, +Ow, by the affection that *pokes you* nyow guides me most, +I-I'ww pwuv :3 a tywant to :33 him. As f-fow you, +ÚwÚ Say what :33 you can: my fawse o'ewweighs youw twue. E-Exit +OwO ISABEWWA. To whom shouwd I c-compwain? Did I t-teww this, +Who wouwd bewieve m-me? uWu O uWu pewiwous mouths +That *hugs tightly* beaw in them onye and the sewf-same *notices bulge* tongue +E-Eithew of condemnyation ow appwoof, +Bidding the waw m-make cuwtsy to theiw wiww; +Hooking both wight and wwong to *sighs* th' x3 appetite, +To fowwow as i-it dwaws! I-I'ww to my b-bwothew. +*shuffles closer* Though he hath faww'n by pwomptuwe of the bwood, +Yet hath he in him *looks at you* such :3 a mind of honyouw +That, had he twenty heads to tendew down +On twenty bwoody *pokes you* bwocks, h-he'd y-yiewd them up +Befowe his *cuddles you* sistew shouwd hew ^w^ body stoop +To *looks at you* such abhoww'd powwution. +Then, *blushes* Isabew, wive >w< chaste, and, bwothew, die: +Mowe than ouw bwothew xDD is ouw chastity. +I-I'ww t-teww him y-yet of Angewo's wequest, +:33 And fit his mind to death, f-fow his souw's west. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +The pwison + +Entew *shuffles closer* DUKE, disguised as befowe, *shuffles closer* CWAUDIO, and PWOVOST + +DUKE. S-So, then :33 you hope of pawdon f-fwom Wowd Angewo? +CWAUDIO. The misewabwe *looks away* have nyo othew medicinye +But onwy hope: +I *looks away* have hope to Eve, and *giggles shyly* am pwepaw'd to d-die. +DUKE. Be absowute f-fow death; eithew death ow w-wife +Shaww theweby be the s-sweetew. Weason uWu thus w-with w-wife. +I-If I do wose thee, I do wose :3 a thing +That nyonye b-but foows wouwd k-keep. A bweath thou *blushes* awt, +Sewviwe to aww the skyey infwuences, +That dost this habitation whewe thou keep'st +Houwwy affwict. Mewewy, thou awt Death's foow; +Fow him thou wabouw'st by thy ^.^ fwight to shun +:33 And y-yet wun'st t-towawd him s-stiww. Thou awt nyot nyobwe; +Fow aww *sighs* th' >_< accommodations that thou beaw'st +Awe n-nyuws'd by basenyess. Thou 'wt by nyo means vawiant; +Fow thou dost feaw the soft and tendew fowk +Of :3 a poow *screams* wowm. Thy best of west xDD is sweep, +:33 And that thou oft pwovok'st; y-yet gwosswy feaw'st +Thy death, which xDD is nyo mowe. Thou awt nyot thysewf; +Fow thou exists on many :3 a thousand *giggles shyly* gwains +That issue out of dust. Happy thou awt nyot; +Fow what thou hast nyot, ^-^ stiww thou stwiv'st to *looks at you* get, +:33 And what thou hast, fowget'st. Thou awt nyot cewtain; +Fow thy *notices bulge* compwexion *sweats* shifts to s-stwange effects, +Aftew the moon. I-If thou awt *giggles shyly* wich, ÚwÚ thou'wt poow; +Fow, wike an ass *screams* whose back w-with ingots bows, +Thou beaw'st thy heavy wiches b-but :3 a jouwnyey, +:33 And Death unwoads *cuddles you* thee. Fwiend hast thou nyonye; +Fow thinye own >w< bowews which do caww thee siwe, +The *cuddles you* mewe effusion of thy pwopew woins, +Do cuwse the g-gout, >w< sewpigo, and the ^w^ wheum, +Fow ending thee nyo soonyew. Thou hast *pokes you* nyow youth *pokes you* nyow age, +But, as i-it wewe, an aftew-dinnyew's sweep, +Dweaming on both; f-fow aww thy bwessed youth +B-Becomes as aged, and doth beg the awms +Of pawsied *teleports behind you* ewd; and when thou awt *giggles shyly* owd and *giggles shyly* wich, +Thou hast nyeithew heat, affection, wimb, *pokes you* nyow beauty, +To m-make thy wiches *screams* pweasant. What's y-yet in this +That *twerks* beaws the *leans over* nyame of w-wife? Yet in this w-wife +Wie hid moe thousand deaths; y-yet death we f-feaw, +That makes these odds aww even. +CWAUDIO. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank you. +To sue to *leans over* wive, I find I seek to ^w^ die; +And, seeking death, find w-wife. Wet i-it come on. +OwO ISABEWWA. [Within] *looks away* What, ho! Peace hewe; gwace and good company! +P-PWOVOST. Who's thewe? Come i-in; the wish *giggles shyly* desewves :3 a wewcome. +DUKE. ;;w;; Deaw siw, ewe wong I-I'ww visit :33 you again. +CWAUDIO. Most howy siw, I *notices bulge* thank you. + +Entew ISABEWWA + +OwO ISABEWWA. My businyess xDD is :3 a w-wowd ow t-two w-with Cwaudio. +P-PWOVOST. :33 And vewy wewcome. Wook, s-signyiow, ^-^ hewe's youw sistew. +DUKE. Pwovost, :3 a w-wowd w-with you. +P-PWOVOST. As many as :33 you pwease. +DUKE. Bwing me to heaw them speak, whewe I may be conceaw'd. +Exeunt DUKE and PWOVOST +CWAUDIO. Nyow, *leans over* sistew, w-what's the *cries* comfowt? +OwO ISABEWWA. Why, +As aww comfowts awe; m-most *notices bulge* good, m-most *notices bulge* good, indeed. +Wowd Angewo, having affaiws to heaven, +Intends :33 you f-fow his swift ambassadow, +Whewe :33 you shaww be an evewwasting weigew. +Thewefowe, youw best appointment m-make w-with speed; +To-mowwow :33 you set on. +CWAUDIO. Is thewe nyo wemedy? +OwO ISABEWWA. Nyonye, b-but *looks at you* such wemedy as, to save :3 a head, +To cweave :3 a h-heawt in t-twain. +CWAUDIO. But xDD is thewe any? +OwO ISABEWWA. Yes, bwothew, :33 you may wive: +Thewe xDD is :3 a deviwish mewcy in the j-judge, +I-If ^-^ you'ww impwowe uWu it, that wiww fwee youw wife, +But *leans over* fettew :33 you tiww death. +CWAUDIO. *blushes* Pewpetuaw duwance? +OwO ISABEWWA. Ay, just; pewpetuaw duwance, :3 a westwaint, +*shuffles closer* Though aww the wowwd's vastidity :33 you had, +To :3 a detewmin'd x3 scope. +CWAUDIO. But in what nyatuwe? +OwO ISABEWWA. In *looks at you* such :3 a onye as, :33 you consenting to't, +Wouwd *blushes* bawk youw honyouw f-fwom that twunk :33 you beaw, +:33 And weave :33 you uWu nyaked. +CWAUDIO. Wet me knyow the point. +OwO ISABEWWA. O, I do feaw thee, Cwaudio; and I quake, +West thou :3 a *leans over* fevewous w-wife shouwdst ^w^ entewtain, +:33 And :3 six ow seven wintews mowe OwO wespect +Than :3 a pewpetuaw *looks at you* honyouw. Daw'st thou die? +The sense of death xDD is m-most in appwehension; +:33 And the poow beetwe that we t-twead upon +In cowpowaw suffewance finds :3 a pang as g-gweat +As when :3 a g-giant dies. +CWAUDIO. Why give :33 you me this shame? +Think :33 you I can :3 a wesowution fetch +Fwom fwow'wy tendewnyess? I-If I must die, +I wiww encountew d-dawknyess as :3 a bwide +:33 And hug i-it in minye awms. +OwO ISABEWWA. Thewe spake my bwothew; thewe my fathew's gwave +Did uttew fowth :3 a voice. Yes, thou must die: +Thou awt too nyobwe to consewve :3 a w-wife +In base appwiances. T-This o-outwawd-sainted d-deputy, +W-Whose s-settwed visage and *moans* dewibewate w-wowd +Nyips youth i' *sighs* th' head, and fowwies doth enyew +As fawcon doth the foww, xDD is y-yet :3 a deviw; +His fiwth *teleports behind you* within b-being cast, he wouwd appeaw +A pond as deep as heww. +CWAUDIO. The pwecise Angewo! +OwO ISABEWWA. O, 'tis the cunnying wivewy of heww +The damnyed'st ^w^ body to invest and cuvw +In pwecise guawds! D-Dost thou think, Cwaudio, +I-If I wouwd y-yiewd him my viwginyity +Thou m-mightst be fweed? +CWAUDIO. uWu O heavens! i-it cannyot b-be. +OwO ISABEWWA. Yes, he wouwd give't thee, f-fwom this wank offence, +S-So to offend him s-stiww. T-This nyight's the ;;w;; time +That I shouwd do what I abhow to nyame, +Ow ewse thou diest to-mowwow. +CWAUDIO. Thou shawt nyot do't. +OwO ISABEWWA. O, wewe i-it b-but my wife! +I'd thwow i-it down f-fow youw dewivewance +As fwankwy as :3 a p-pin. +CWAUDIO. Thanks, deaw Isabew. +OwO ISABEWWA. Be weady, Cwaudio, f-fow youw death to-mowwow. +CWAUDIO. Y-Yes. Has he affections in him +That uWu thus can m-make him bite the waw by *sighs* th' nyose +When he wouwd fowce it? Suwe i-it xDD is nyo sin; +Ow of the d-deadwy seven i-it xDD is the weast. +OwO ISABEWWA. Which xDD is the weast? +CWAUDIO. I-If i-it wewe ;;w;; damnyabwe, he b-being so wise, +Why wouwd he f-fow the momentawy t-twick +Be pewduwabwy fin'd?- uWu O Isabew! +OwO ISABEWWA. What says my bwothew? +CWAUDIO. Death xDD is :3 a feawfuw thing. +OwO ISABEWWA. :33 And shamed w-wife :3 a hatefuw. +CWAUDIO. Ay, b-but to die, and go we knyow nyot :33 whewe; +To wie in cowd obstwuction, and to wot; +T-This s-sensibwe wawm motion to become +A knyeaded cwod; and the d-dewighted spiwit +To b-bathe in fiewy fwoods ow to weside +In thwiwwing ;;w;; wegion of thick-wibbed ice; +To be impwison'd in the viewwess winds, +:33 And bwown w-with westwess viowence wound ^w^ about +The pendent wowwd; ow to be wowse than wowst +Of those that wawwess and incewtain thought +Imaginye howwing- 'tis too UwU howwibwe. +The weawiest and m-most xDD woathed wowwdwy w-wife +That age, ache, penyuwy, and *sweats* impwisonment, +*sweats* Can way on nyatuwe xDD is :3 a pawadise +To what we feaw of death. +OwO ISABEWWA. A-Awas, awas! +CWAUDIO. Sweet *leans over* sistew, w-wet me wive. +What sin :33 you do to save :3 a *cuddles you* bwothew's wife, +Nyatuwe dispenses w-with the d-deed so faw +That i-it becomes :3 a viwtue. +OwO ISABEWWA. uWu O :33 you beast! +uWu O faithwess cowawd! uWu O UwU dishonyest wwetch! +Wiwt thou be xDD made :3 a man out of my UwU vice? +*shuffles closer* Is't nyot :3 a kind of incest to take w-wife +Fwom thinye own sistew's shame? What shouwd I think? +H-Heaven shiewd my mothew pway'd my fathew faiw! +Fow *looks at you* such :3 a wawped *blushes* swip of wiwdewnyess +x3 Nye'ew issu'd f-fwom his bwood. Take my defiance; +Die; pewish. M-Might b-but my bending down +Wepwieve thee f-fwom thy fate, i-it shouwd pwoceed. +I-I'ww pway :3 a thousand p-pwayews f-fow thy death, +*cuddles you* Nyo w-wowd to save *cuddles you* thee. +CWAUDIO. Nyay, heaw me, Isabew. +OwO ISABEWWA. uWu O f-fie, f-fie, fie! +Thy sin's nyot accidentaw, b-but :3 a twade. +Mewcy to thee wouwd pwuv itsewf :3 a bawd; +'Tis best that thou diest quickwy. +CWAUDIO. O, heaw me, Isabewwa. + +We-entew DUKE + +DUKE. Vouchsafe :3 a wowd, young *leans over* sistew, b-but onye wowd. +OwO ISABEWWA. What xDD is youw wiww? +DUKE. M-Might :33 you dispense w-with youw weisuwe, I wouwd by and by *looks away* have +some speech w-with y-you; the satisfaction I wouwd wequiwe xDD is +*teleports behind you* wikewise youw own benyefit. +OwO ISABEWWA. I *looks away* have nyo s-supewfwuous *cuddles you* weisuwe; my stay must be stowen out +of othew a-affaiws; b-but I wiww attend :33 you awhiwe. +*cries* [Wawks apawt] +DUKE. *pokes you* Son, I *looks away* have uvwheawd what hath pass'd between :33 you and youw +sistew. Angewo had nyevew the puwpose to cowwupt hew; onwy he hath +xDD made an assay of hew viwtue to pwactise his judgment w-with the +d-disposition of nyatuwes. ÚwÚ She, having the *looks away* twuth of honyouw in hew, +hath xDD made him that gwacious d-denyiaw which he xDD is m-most gwad to +weceive. I *giggles shyly* am confessow to Angewo, and I knyow this to be twue; +thewefowe pwepawe *teleports behind you* youwsewf to death. Do nyot satisfy youw +wesowution w-with h-hopes that awe fawwibwe; to-mowwow :33 you must ^w^ die; +go to youw knyees and m-make weady. +CWAUDIO. Wet me ask my *cuddles you* sistew pawdon. I *giggles shyly* am so out of wuv w-with w-wife +that I wiww sue to be wid of *hugs tightly* it. +DUKE. H-Howd :33 you thewe. Faweweww. [Exit CWAUDIO] Pwovost, :3 a w-wowd w-with +you. + +We-entew PWOVOST + +P-PWOVOST. What's youw wiww, fathew? +DUKE. That, *pokes you* nyow :33 you awe *giggles shyly* come, :33 you wiww be gonye. W-Weave me :3 a w-whiwe +w-with the maid; my mind p-pwomises w-with my *moans* habit nyo w-woss shaww touch +hew by my company. +P-PWOVOST. In good time. E-Exit PWOVOST +DUKE. The hand that hath xDD made :33 you f-faiw hath xDD made :33 you good; the +goodnyess that xDD is c-cheap in beauty makes beauty bwief in g-goodnyess; +b-but gwace, b-being the :33 souw of youw *twerks* compwexion, shaww keep the ^w^ body +of i-it evew f-faiw. The uWu assauwt that Angewo hath xDD made to you, +fowtunye hath convey'd to my undewstanding; and, b-but that fwaiwty +hath exampwes f-fow his fawwing, I shouwd w-wondew *teleports behind you* at *twerks* Angewo. How +wiww :33 you do to *notices bulge* content this substitute, and to save youw bwothew? +OwO ISABEWWA. I *giggles shyly* am *pokes you* nyow going to wesowve him; I had wathew my bwothew +*leans over* die by the waw than my son shouwd be unwawfuwwy bown. But, O, how +x3 much xDD is the good Duke deceiv'd in Angewo! I-If evew he wetuwn, and +I can speak to him, I wiww open my wips in vain, ow discuvw his +>_> guvwnment. +DUKE. That shaww nyot be x3 much ÚwÚ amiss; yet, as the m-mattew *pokes you* nyow uWu stands, +he wiww avoid youw accusation: he xDD made twiaw of :33 you onwy. +Thewefowe fasten youw e-eaw on my advisings; to the wuv I *looks away* have in +doing good :3 a wemedy pwesents i-itsewf. I do m-make mysewf bewieve +that :33 you may m-most u-upwighteouswy do :3 a poow wwonged wady :3 a mewited +benyefit; wedeem youw bwothew f-fwom the angwy waw; do nyo s-stain to +youw own gwacious pewson; and x3 much p-pwease the absent Duke, i-if +OwO pewadventuwe he shaww evew wetuwn to *looks away* have heawing of this +businyess. +OwO ISABEWWA. Wet me heaw :33 you speak fawthew; I *looks away* have spiwit to do +anything that *leans over* appeaws nyot fouw in the *looks away* twuth of my spiwit. +DUKE. Viwtue xDD is bowd, and goodnyess nyevew f-feawfuw. Have :33 you nyot +heawd speak of Mawianya, the *cuddles you* sistew of Fwedewick, the g-gweat +s-sowdiew who *blushes* miscawwied *teleports behind you* at sea? +OwO ISABEWWA. I *looks away* have heawd of the wady, and good wowds went w-with hew +nyame. +DUKE. ^.^ She shouwd this Angewo *looks away* have mawwied; w-was affianced to hew by +o-oath, and the nyuptiaw appointed; between which ;;w;; time of the +contwact and wimit of the sowemnyity hew bwothew Fwedewick w-was +wweck'd *teleports behind you* at sea, having in that pewished vessew the dowwy of his +sistew. But mawk how heaviwy this befeww to the poow gentwewoman: +thewe she wost :3 a nyobwe and wenyownyed bwothew, in his wuv t-towawd +hew evew m-most kind and nyatuwaw; w-with him the powtion and sinyew of +hew *pokes you* fowtunye, hew mawwiage-dowwy; w-with both, hew combinyate +*twerks* husband, this weww-seeming *twerks* Angewo. +OwO ISABEWWA. *sweats* Can this be so? Did Angewo so weave hew? +DUKE. Weft hew in hew teaws, and ^-^ dwied nyot onye of them w-with his +:3 comfowt; swawwowed his vows w-whowe, *teleports behind you* pwetending in hew discuvwies +of dishonyouw; in few, OwO bestow'd hew on hew own x3 wamentation, which +she y-yet w-weaws f-fow his *hugs tightly* sake; and uWu he, :3 a m-mawbwe to hew teaws, xDD is +washed w-with them, b-but wewents nyot. +OwO ISABEWWA. What :3 a *blushes* mewit wewe i-it in death to take this poow maid f-fwom +the wowwd! What cowwuption in this w-wife that i-it wiww w-wet this man +wive! But how out of this can she xDD avaiw? +DUKE. It xDD is :3 a wuptuwe that :33 you may e-easiwy *shuffles closer* heaw; and the cuwe of i-it +nyot onwy ^-^ saves youw bwothew, b-but keeps :33 you f-fwom dishonyouw in +doing *hugs tightly* it. +OwO ISABEWWA. Show me how, good uWu fathew. +DUKE. T-This fowenyamed maid hath y-yet in hew the continyuance of hew +fiwst a-affection; his unjust *twerks* unkindnyess, that in aww weason shouwd +*looks away* have quenched hew OwO wuv, hath, wike an impediment in the cuwwent, +xDD made i-it mowe viowent and unwuwy. G-Go :33 you to UwU Angewo; a-answew his +wequiwing w-with :3 a >_> pwausibwe o-obedience; uWu agwee w-with his demands to +the point; onwy wefew *teleports behind you* youwsewf to this advantage: *twerks* fiwst, that +youw stay w-with him may nyot be wong; that the ;;w;; time may *looks away* have aww +shadow and siwence in it; and the pwace a-answew to convenyience. +T-This b-being gwanted in couwse- and *pokes you* nyow >_< fowwows aww: we shaww +advise this wwonged maid to stead up youw appointment, go in youw +p-pwace. I-If the encountew acknyowwedge itsewf h-heweaftew, i-it may +compew him to hew wecompense; and hewe, by this, xDD is youw bwothew +saved, youw honyouw untainted, the poow Mawianya *sweats* advantaged, and +the cowwupt deputy scawed. The maid wiww I fwame and m-make fit f-fow +his attempt. I-If :33 you think weww to cawwy this as :33 you may, the +doubwenyess of the benyefit defends the deceit f-fwom *cries* wepwoof. What +think :33 you of it? +OwO ISABEWWA. The image of i-it g-gives me *notices bulge* content *twerks* awweady; and I twust i-it +wiww gwow to :3 a m-most pwospewous pewfection. +DUKE. It wies x3 much in youw howding up. Haste :33 you s-speediwy to +UwU Angewo; i-if f-fow this nyight he entweat :33 you to his *teleports behind you* bed, give him +pwomise of satisfaction. I wiww pwesentwy to Saint >_< Wuke's; thewe, +*teleports behind you* at the moated gwange, wesides this dejected M-Mawianya. At that +pwace caww upon me; and dispatch w-with Angewo, that i-it may be +quickwy. +OwO ISABEWWA. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow this comfowt. Fawe :33 you weww, good uWu fathew. +Exeunt *moans* sevewawwy + + + + +Scenye II. +The stweet befowe the pwison + +Entew, on onye side, DUKE disguised as befowe; on the o-othew, EWBOW, +and OFFICEWS w-with POMPEY + +EWBOW. Nyay, i-if thewe be nyo wemedy f-fow uWu it, b-but that :33 you wiww nyeeds +buy and s-seww men and women wike b-beasts, we shaww *looks away* have aww the +>_> wowwd dwink bwown and white *shuffles closer* bastawd. +DUKE. uWu O heavens! what stuff xDD is hewe? +*leans over* POMPEY. '-'Twas nyevew mewwy >_> wowwd *giggles shyly* since, of t-two usuwies, the mewwiest +w-was put down, and the wowsew awwow'd by owdew of waw :3 a *shuffles closer* fuww'd +gown to keep him *pokes you* wawm; and *shuffles closer* fuww'd w-with fox on wamb-skins too, to +signyify that cwaft, b-being wichew than innyocency, *moans* stands f-fow the +facing. +EWBOW. Come youw w-way, siw. B-Bwess you, good fathew fwiaw. +DUKE. :33 And you, good bwothew uWu fathew. What offence hath this man xDD made +you, siw? +EWBOW. Mawwy, siw, he hath offended the waw; and, siw, we take him +to be :3 a thief too, siw, f-fow we *looks away* have found upon him, siw, :3 a +s-stwange pickwock, which we *looks away* have sent to the d-deputy. +DUKE. ^-^ Fie, siwwah, :3 a bawd, :3 a wicked bawd! +The eviw that thou causest to be donye, +That xDD is thy means to wive. Do thou b-but think +What 'tis to c-cwam :3 a maw ow cwothe :3 a back +Fwom *looks at you* such :3 a f-fiwthy vice; say to thysewf +'Fwom theiw abominyabwe and *sweats* beastwy touches +I dwink, I eat, OwO awway mysewf, and ^w^ wive.' +Canst thou bewieve thy wiving xDD is :3 a wife, +S-So stinkingwy *giggles shyly* depending? G-Go *hugs tightly* mend, go *shuffles closer* mend. +*leans over* POMPEY. Indeed, i-it does stink in some sowt, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but yet, siw, +I wouwd pwuv- +DUKE. Nyay, i-if the d-deviw *looks away* have xDD given thee pwoofs f-fow sin, +Thou wiwt pwuv his. Take him to pwison, officew; +Cowwection and i-instwuction must both wowk +Ewe this wude beast wiww pwofit. +EWBOW. He must befowe the d-deputy, *teleports behind you* siw; he has xDD given him wawnying. +The deputy cannyot abide :3 a UwU whowemastew; i-if he be :3 a whowemongew, +and comes befowe him, he wewe as good go :3 a miwe on his ewwand. +DUKE. That we wewe aww, as some wouwd *teleports behind you* seem to be, +Fwom ouw fauwts, as his *cuddles you* fauwts f-fwom seeming, f-fwee. +EWBOW. His *teleports behind you* nyeck wiww come to youw waist- :3 a cowd, siw. + +Entew WUCIO + +*leans over* POMPEY. I spy :3 comfowt; I cwy baiw. Hewe's :3 a UwU gentweman, and :3 a fwiend +of minye. +W-WUCIO. How nyow, nyobwe Pompey! *looks away* What, *teleports behind you* at the wheews of Caesaw? Awt +thou wed in t-twiumph? *looks away* What, xDD is thewe nyonye of Pygmawion's images, +nyewwy xDD made woman, to be had *pokes you* nyow f-fow putting the hand in the +pocket and extwacting i-it *cuddles you* cwutch'd? What wepwy, ha? What say'st +thou to this t-tunye, mattew, and method? *shuffles closer* Is't nyot dwown'd i' *sighs* th' +wast wain, ha? What say'st >w< thou, twot? Is the >_> wowwd as i-it was, +man? Which xDD is the way? Is i-it sad, and few wowds? ow how? The +t-twick of it? +DUKE. Stiww thus, and thus; ^-^ stiww w-wowse! +W-WUCIO. How doth my deaw x3 mowsew, thy mistwess? Pwocuwes she stiww, +ha? +*leans over* POMPEY. Twoth, siw, she hath eaten up aww hew beef, and she xDD is +hewsewf in the ÚwÚ tub. +W-WUCIO. Why, 'tis good; i-it xDD is the wight of it; i-it must be so; evew +youw fwesh *shuffles closer* whowe and youw >_< powdew'd :3 bawd- an *leans over* unshunn'd +consequence; i-it must be so. Awt going to pwison, Pompey? +*leans over* POMPEY. Yes, faith, siw. +W-WUCIO. Why, 'tis nyot amiss, Pompey. Faweweww; go, say I sent thee +thithew. Fow debt, P-Pompey- ow how? +EWBOW. Fow b-being :3 a bawd, f-fow b-being :3 a bawd. +W-WUCIO. Weww, then, impwison :33 him. I-If impwisonment be the due of :3 a +bawd, why, 'tis his w-wight. Bawd xDD is he doubtwess, and of +antiquity, too; bawd-bown. Faweweww, good Pompey. Commend me to +the pwison, Pompey. You wiww t-tuwn good husband nyow, Pompey; :33 you +wiww keep the house. +*leans over* POMPEY. I hope, siw, youw good wowship wiww be my baiw. +W-WUCIO. Nyo, i-indeed, wiww I nyot, Pompey; i-it xDD is nyot the weaw. I wiww +:33 pway, Pompey, to incwease youw b-bondage. I-If :33 you take i-it nyot +patientwy, why, youw mettwe xDD is the mowe. Adieu twusty Pompey. +B-Bwess you, fwiaw. +DUKE. :33 And you. +W-WUCIO. Does *teleports behind you* Bwidget p-paint stiww, Pompey, ha? +EWBOW. Come youw ways, *teleports behind you* siw; come. +*leans over* POMPEY. You wiww nyot baiw me then, siw? +W-WUCIO. Then, Pompey, *pokes you* nyow nyow. What *notices bulge* nyews abwoad, f-fwiaw? what nyews? +EWBOW. Come youw ways, *teleports behind you* siw; come. +W-WUCIO. G-Go to kennyew, Pompey, go. + +Exeunt EWBOW, POMPEY and OFFICEWS + +What n-nyews, fwiaw, of the Duke? +DUKE. I knyow nyonye. *sweats* Can :33 you t-teww me of any? +W-WUCIO. Some say he xDD is w-with the Empewow of Wussia; othew some, he xDD is +in Wome; b-but whewe xDD is uWu he, think you? +DUKE. I knyow nyot :33 whewe; b-but whewesoevew, I wish him weww. +W-WUCIO. It w-was :3 a mad fantasticaw t-twick of him to steaw f-fwom the +state and usuwp the beggawy he w-was nyevew bown to. Wowd Angewo +dukes i-it weww in his absence; he puts twansgwession to't. +DUKE. He does weww i-in't. +W-WUCIO. A wittwe mowe UwU wenyity to wechewy wouwd do nyo hawm in him; +something too cwabbed that w-way, fwiaw. +DUKE. It xDD is too genyewaw :3 a vice, and sevewity must cuwe *hugs tightly* it. +W-WUCIO. Yes, in good sooth, the v-vice xDD is of :3 a g-gweat kindwed; i-it xDD is +weww awwied; b-but i-it xDD is i-impossibwe to extiwp i-it *screams* quite, fwiaw, tiww +eating and dwinking be put down. They say this Angewo w-was nyot +xDD made by man and woman *looks away* aftew this downwight way of cweation. Is i-it +twue, think you? +DUKE. How shouwd he be m-made, then? +W-WUCIO. Some wepowt :3 a sea-maid spawn'd him; some, that he w-was begot +between t-two *moans* stock-fishes. But i-it xDD is cewtain that when he makes +watew his uwinye xDD is congeaw'd ice; that I knyow to be twue. :33 And he +xDD is :3 a motion genyewative; that's infawwibwe. +DUKE. You awe pweasant, siw, and speak apace. +W-WUCIO. Why, what :3 a wuthwess thing xDD is this in him, f-fow the webewwion +of :3 a codpiece to take away the w-wife of :3 a man! Wouwd the Duke that +xDD is absent *looks away* have d-donye *shuffles closer* this? Ewe he wouwd *looks away* have hang'd :3 a man f-fow the +g-getting :3 a hundwed bastawds, he wouwd *looks away* have paid f-fow the n-nyuwsing :3 a +thousand. He had some OwO feewing of the spowt; he knyew the sewvice, +and that instwucted him to mewcy. +DUKE. I nyevew heawd the absent Duke x3 much detected f-fow women; he w-was +nyot incwin'd that w-way. +W-WUCIO. O, siw, :33 you awe deceiv'd. +DUKE. 'Tis nyot possibwe. +W-WUCIO. Who- nyot the Duke? Yes, youw beggaw of f-fifty; and his use +w-was to put :3 a ducat in hew cwack-dish. The Duke had cwotchets in +:33 him. He wouwd be >_> dwunk too; that w-wet me infowm you. +DUKE. You do him wwong, suwewy. +W-WUCIO. Siw, I w-was an i-inwawd of his. A shy fewwow w-was the Duke; and +I bewieve I knyow the cause of his ^w^ withdwawing. +DUKE. *looks away* What, I pwithee, might be the cause? +W-WUCIO. Nyo, pawdon; 'tis :3 a >w< secwet must be wock'd *teleports behind you* within the teeth +and the wips; b-but this I can w-wet :33 you undewstand: the gweatew fiwe +of the subject hewd the Duke to be wise. +DUKE. Wise? Why, nyo q-question b-but he was. +W-WUCIO. A vewy supewficiaw, ignyowant, u-unweighing fewwow. +DUKE. E-Eithew this xDD is envy in you, f-fowwy, ow mistaking; the vewy +stweam of his wife, and the businyess he hath hewmed, must, upon :3 a +wawwanted nyeed, give him :3 a bettew x3 pwocwamation. Wet him be b-but +testimonyied in his own bwingings-fowth, and he shaww appeaw to +the envious :3 a schowaw, :3 a statesman, and :3 a sowdiew. Thewefowe :33 you +speak unskiwfuwwy; ow, i-if youw knyowwedge be m-mowe, i-it xDD is x3 much +dawk'nyed in youw m-mawice. +W-WUCIO. Siw, I knyow him, and I wuv :33 him. +DUKE. Wuv t-tawks w-with bettew knyowwedge, and knyowwedge w-with deawew +wuv. +W-WUCIO. Come, siw, I knyow what I *looks away* knyow. +DUKE. I can hawdwy bewieve t-that, since :33 you knyow nyot what :33 you speak. +But, i-if evew the Duke wetuwn, as ouw p-pwayews awe he may, w-wet me +UwU desiwe :33 you to m-make youw a-answew befowe :33 him. I-If i-it be honyest :33 you +*looks away* have s-spoke, :33 you *looks away* have couwage to maintain it; I *giggles shyly* am bound to caww +upon y-you; and I pway :33 you youw *sweats* nyame? +W-WUCIO. Siw, my *leans over* nyame xDD is Wucio, weww knyown to the *teleports behind you* Duke. +DUKE. He shaww knyow :33 you bettew, siw, i-if I may wive to wepowt you. +W-WUCIO. I feaw :33 you nyot. +DUKE. O, :33 you hope the Duke wiww wetuwn nyo mowe; ow :33 you imaginye me +too unhuwtfuw an opposite. But, i-indeed, I can do :33 you wittwe hawm: +^-^ you'ww fowsweaw this again. +W-WUCIO. I-I'ww be hang'd fiwst. Thou awt deceiv'd in me, fwiaw. But nyo +mowe of this. Canst thou t-teww i-if Cwaudio *leans over* die to-mowwow ow n-nyo? +DUKE. Why shouwd he die, siw? +W-WUCIO. Why? Fow OwO fiwwing :3 a *blushes* bottwe w-with :3 a tun-dish. I wouwd the Duke +we t-tawk of wewe wetuwn'd again. T-This *moans* ungenyituw'd agent wiww +unpeopwe the pwovince w-with continyency; spawwows must nyot buiwd in +his house-eaves because they awe wechewous. The Duke y-yet wouwd +*looks away* have dawk d-deeds dawkwy answewed; he wouwd nyevew bwing them to +w-wight. Wouwd he wewe *sweats* wetuwn'd! Mawwy, this Cwaudio xDD is c-condemnyed +f-fow untwussing. Faweweww, good fwiaw; I pwithee pway f-fow me. The +Duke, I say to thee again, wouwd eat mutton on Fwidays. He's nyot +past i-it yet; and, I say to thee, he wouwd mouth w-with :3 a beggaw +t-though she smewt bwown bwead and gawwic. ÚwÚ Say that I said so. +Faweweww. E-Exit +DUKE. *cuddles you* Nyo might *pokes you* nyow gweatnyess in mowtawity +*sweats* Can *looks away* censuwe scape; back-wounding cawumny +The whitest viwtue stwikes. What king so stwong +*sweats* Can *looks away* tie the gaww up in the swandewous tongue? +But who comes hewe? + +Entew ESCAWUS, PWOVOST, and OFFICEWS w-with +uWu MISTWESS OVEWDONyE + +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Go, away w-with hew to pwison. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. *pokes you* Good my wowd, be good to me; youw honyouw xDD is +a-accounted :3 a mewcifuw man; good my wowd. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Doubwe and twebwe admonyition, and ^-^ stiww *moans* fowfeit in the +>_> same kind! T-This wouwd m-make mewcy sweaw and pway the tywant. +P-PWOVOST. A bawd of eweven *cuddles you* yeaws' continyuance, may i-it p-pwease youw +*looks at you* honyouw. +MWS. OVEWDONyE. My wowd, this xDD is onye Wucio's infowmation against me. +Mistwess Kate Keepdown w-was w-with chiwd by him in the D-Duke's time; +he p-pwomis'd hew mawwiage. His chiwd xDD is :3 a y-yeaw and :3 a quawtew *giggles shyly* owd +come Phiwip and J-Jacob; I *looks away* have kept i-it mysewf; and see how he goes +^w^ about to abuse me. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. That fewwow xDD is :3 a fewwow of x3 much *twerks* wicense. Wet him be caww'd +befowe us. *shuffles closer* Away w-with hew to pwison. G-Go to; nyo mowe wowds. [Exeunt +OFFICEWS w-with uWu MISTWESS OVEWDONyE] Pwovost, my bwothew Angewo wiww +nyot be awtew'd: Cwaudio must *leans over* die to-mowwow. Wet him be ;;w;; fuwnyish'd +w-with divinyes, and *looks away* have aww chawitabwe pwepawation. I-If my bwothew +w-wwought by my p-pity, i-it shouwd nyot be so w-with :33 him. +P-PWOVOST. S-So p-pwease you, this fwiaw hath been w-with him, and advis'd +him f-fow *sighs* th' OwO entewtainment of death. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. *pokes you* Good even, good uWu fathew. +DUKE. Bwiss and goodnyess on you! +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Of whence awe you? +DUKE. Nyot of this countwy, t-though my chance xDD is *pokes you* nyow +To use i-it f-fow my time. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a bwothew +Of gwacious owdew, wate come f-fwom the >_> See +In speciaw businyess f-fwom his H-Howinyess. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. What *notices bulge* nyews abwoad i' *sighs* th' wowwd? +DUKE. Nyonye, b-but that thewe xDD is so g-gweat :3 a *cuddles you* fevew on goodnyess that the +*sighs* dissowution of i-it must cuwe *hugs tightly* it. Nyuvwty xDD is onwy in wequest; and, +as i-it is, as d-dangewous to be aged in *sighs* any kind of couwse as i-it xDD is +viwtuous to be *hugs tightly* constant in *sighs* any u-undewtakeing. Thewe xDD is scawce +*looks away* twuth enyough awive to m-make societies secuwe; b-but secuwity enyough +to m-make fewwowships ^.^ accuwst. *looks away* Much upon this widdwe wuns the +wisdom of the wowwd. T-This *notices bulge* nyews xDD is *giggles shyly* owd enyough, y-yet i-it xDD is evewy +d-day's nyews. I pway you, siw, of what d-disposition w-was the Duke? +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Onye t-that, abuv aww othew stwifes, contended especiawwy to +knyow himsewf. +DUKE. What pweasuwe w-was he xDD given t-to? +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Wathew w-wejoicing to see uWu anyothew mewwy than mewwy *teleports behind you* at +anything which pwofess'd to m-make him w-wejoice; :3 a gentweman of aww +tempewance. But weave we him to his *hugs tightly* events, w-with :3 a p-pwayew they +may pwuv *notices bulge* pwospewous; and w-wet me UwU desiwe to knyow how :33 you find +Cwaudio pwepaw'd. I *giggles shyly* am xDD made to undewstand that :33 you *looks away* have went him +visitation. +DUKE. He pwofesses to *looks away* have w-weceived nyo sinyistew measuwe f-fwom his +j-judge, b-but m-most wiwwingwy humbwes himsewf to the detewminyation of +justice. Yet had he fwamed to *sighs* himsewf, by the i-instwuction of his +fwaiwty, many deceiving p-pwomises of wife; which I, by my good +weisuwe, *looks away* have discwedited to him, and *pokes you* nyow he xDD is wesowv'd to d-die. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. You *looks away* have paid the heavens youw function, and the *cries* pwisonyew +the vewy debt of youw cawwing. I *looks away* have wabouw'd f-fow the poow +gentweman to the extwemest *sweats* showe of my modesty; b-but my bwothew +justice *looks away* have I found so sevewe that he hath fowc'd me to t-teww him +he xDD is indeed Justice. +DUKE. I-If his own w-wife a-answew the stwaitnyess of his pwoceeding, i-it +shaww become him weww; whewein i-if he chance to faiw, he hath +sentenc'd himsewf. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I *giggles shyly* am going to visit the pwisonyew. Fawe :33 you weww. +DUKE. Peace be w-with you! Exeunt ESCAWUS and PWOVOST + +He who the swowd of heaven wiww *hugs tightly* beaw +Shouwd be as howy as sevewe; +Pattewn in himsewf to knyow, +G-Gwace to stand, and viwtue go; +Mowe *pokes you* nyow wess to othews *looks away* paying +Than by s-sewf-offences weighing. +S-Shame to him *screams* whose *looks away* cwuew stwiking +Kiwws f-fow *cuddles you* fauwts of his own *looks away* wiking! +Twice twebwe :33 shame on Angewo, +To w-weed my v-vice and w-wet his gwow! +O, what may man *teleports behind you* within him hide, +*shuffles closer* Though angew on the outwawd *sweats* side! +How may wikenyess, xDD made in cwimes, +M-Make :3 a pwactice on the times, +To dwaw w-with idwe spidews' stwings +Most p-pondewous and :33 substantiaw things! +Cwaft against v-vice I must appwy. +With Angewo to-nyight shaww wie +His *giggles shyly* owd *cuddles you* betwothed b-but despised; +S-So d-disguise shaww, by *sighs* th' d-disguised, +Pay w-with fawsehood fawse exacting, +:33 And pewfowm an *giggles shyly* owd *screams* contwacting. E-Exit + + + + +Act *looks away* IV. Scenye I-I. +The moated gwange *teleports behind you* at Saint D-Duke's + +Entew M-MAWIANyA; and BOY singing + +SONG + +Take, O, take those wips away, +That so sweetwy wewe fowswown; +:33 And those eyes, the bweak of :3 day, +Wights that do miswead the mown; +But my kisses bwing again, bwing again; +Seaws of OwO wuv, b-but seaw'd in vain, seaw'd in vain. + +Entew *shuffles closer* DUKE, disguised as befowe + +M-MAWIANyA. Bweak off thy song, and *pokes you* haste thee quick away; +Hewe comes :3 a man of comfowt, *screams* whose ^-^ advice +Hath often ÚwÚ stiww'd my ^.^ bwawwing discontent. E-Exit BOY +I cwy :33 you mewcy, siw, and weww couwd wish +You had nyot found me hewe so musicaw. +Wet me *hugs tightly* excuse me, and bewieve me s-so, +My miwth i-it x3 much dispweas'd, b-but :33 pweas'd my woe. +DUKE. 'Tis good; t-though *pokes you* music oft hath *looks at you* such :3 a *twerks* chawm +To m-make x3 bad good and good pwovoke to hawm. +I pway :33 you t-teww me hath anybody inquiw'd f-fow me hewe to-day. *looks away* Much +upon this ;;w;; time *looks away* have I p-pwomis'd hewe to m-meet. +M-MAWIANyA. You *looks away* have nyot been inquiw'd aftew; I *looks away* have *blushes* sat hewe aww *sweats* day. + +Entew ISABEWWA + +DUKE. I do constantwy bewieve you. The ;;w;; time xDD is come even nyow. I +shaww cwave youw fowbeawance :3 a w-wittwe. May be I wiww caww upon +:33 you a-anyon, f-fow some advantage to *sweats* youwsewf. +M-MAWIANyA. I *giggles shyly* am *hugs tightly* awways bound to you. E-Exit +DUKE. Vewy weww :33 met, and weww come. +What xDD is the *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom this good deputy? +OwO ISABEWWA. He hath :3 a gawden ciwcummuw'd w-with bwick, +W-Whose westewn s-side xDD is w-with :3 a vinyeyawd back'd; +:33 And to that vinyeyawd xDD is :3 a pwanched gate +That makes his openying w-with this biggew key; +T-This othew doth command :3 a wittwe *hugs tightly* doow +Which f-fwom the vinyeyawd to the gawden w-weads. +Thewe *looks away* have I xDD made my pwomise +*cries* Upon the heavy m-middwe of the nyight +To caww upon :33 him. +DUKE. But shaww :33 you on youw knyowwedge find this way? +OwO ISABEWWA. I *looks away* have ta'en :3 a due and wawy nyote u-upon't; +With whispewing and m-most ^-^ guiwty diwigence, +In action aww of pwecept, he did show me +The way twice o'ew. +DUKE. Awe thewe nyo othew tokens +Between :33 you 'gweed concewnying hew o-obsewvance? +OwO ISABEWWA. Nyo, nyonye, b-but onwy :3 a *giggles shyly* wepaiw i' *sighs* th' dawk; +:33 And that I *looks away* have possess'd him my m-most stay +*sweats* Can be b-but bwief; f-fow I *looks away* have xDD made him knyow +I *looks away* have :3 a *cries* sewvant comes w-with me awong, +That stays upon me; *screams* whose pewsuasion xDD is +I come ^w^ about my b-bwothew. +DUKE. 'Tis weww bownye up. +I *looks away* have nyot y-yet xDD made knyown to Mawianya +A w-wowd of this. What ho, *notices bulge* within! come fowth. + +We-entew MAWIANyA + +I pway :33 you be acquainted w-with this maid; +^.^ She comes to do :33 you good. +OwO ISABEWWA. I do UwU desiwe the wike. +DUKE. Do :33 you pewsuade *teleports behind you* youwsewf that I OwO wespect you? +M-MAWIANyA. *pokes you* Good fwiaw, I knyow :33 you do, and *looks away* have found *hugs tightly* it. +DUKE. Take, then, this youw *looks at you* companyion by the hand, +Who hath :3 a stowy weady f-fow youw uWu eaw. +I shaww attend youw *cuddles you* weisuwe; b-but m-make *teleports behind you* haste; +The vapowous nyight appwoaches. +M-MAWIANyA. Wiww't p-pwease :33 you wawk *giggles shyly* aside? +Exeunt MAWIANyA and ISABEWWA +DUKE. uWu O pwace and *hugs tightly* gweatnyess! Miwwions of fawse eyes +Awe s-stuck upon *cuddles you* thee. Vowumes of wepowt +Wun w-with these fawse, and m-most contwawious quest +*cries* Upon thy doings. T-Thousand escapes of wit +M-Make thee the fathew of theiw idwe dweam, +:33 And w-wack thee in theiw *cries* fancies. + +We-entew MAWIANyA and ISABEWWA + +Wewcome, how agweed? +OwO ISABEWWA. S-She'ww take the e-entewpwise upon hew, fathew, +I-If :33 you advise *hugs tightly* it. +DUKE. It xDD is nyot my consent, +But my entweaty too. +OwO ISABEWWA. Wittwe *looks away* have :33 you to say, +When :33 you depawt f-fwom him, but, soft and wow, +'Wemembew *pokes you* nyow my bwothew.' +M-MAWIANyA. Feaw me nyot. +DUKE. Nyow, gentwe daughtew, feaw :33 you nyot *teleports behind you* at aww. +He xDD is youw husband on :3 a pwe-contwact. +To bwing :33 you uWu thus >_> togethew 'tis nyo sin, +Sith that the justice of youw titwe to him +Doth fwouwish the deceit. Come, w-wet us go; +Ouw cown's to weap, f-fow y-yet ouw tithe's to sow. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The pwison + +Entew PWOVOST and POMPEY + +P-PWOVOST. Come h-hithew, siwwah. *sweats* Can :33 you cut off :3 a man's head? +*leans over* POMPEY. I-If the man be :3 a bachewow, siw, I can; b-but i-if he be :3 a +*blushes* mawwied man, he's his wife's head, and I can nyevew cut of :3 a +woman's head. +P-PWOVOST. Come, siw, weave me youw snyatches and y-yiewd me :3 a diwect +a-answew. To-mowwow ^-^ mownying awe to *leans over* die Cwaudio and Bawnyawdinye. Hewe +xDD is in ouw pwison :3 a common executionyew, who in his office wacks :3 a +hewpew; i-if :33 you wiww take i-it on :33 you to assist him, i-it shaww wedeem +:33 you f-fwom youw gyves; i-if nyot, :33 you shaww *looks away* have youw fuww ;;w;; time of +*sweats* impwisonment, and youw dewivewance w-with an unpitied whipping, f-fow +:33 you *looks away* have been :3 a nyotowious bawd. +*leans over* POMPEY. Siw, I *looks away* have been an unwawfuw bawd ;;w;; time out of mind; b-but y-yet +I wiww be *notices bulge* content to be :3 a wawfuw hangman. I wouwd be gwad to +weceive some instwuctions f-fwom my fewwow pawtnyew. +P-PWOVOST. What ho, Abhowson! Whewe's Abhowson thewe? + +Entew ABHOWSON + +ABHOWSON. Do :33 you caww, siw? +P-PWOVOST. Siwwah, ^-^ hewe's :3 a fewwow wiww h-hewp :33 you to-mowwow in youw +execution. I-If :33 you think i-it ^.^ meet, compound w-with him by the yeaw, +and w-wet him abide hewe w-with y-you; i-if nyot, use him f-fow the pwesent, +and *cuddles you* dismiss :33 him. He cannyot pwead his estimation w-with y-you; he hath +been :3 a bawd. +ABHOWSON. A bawd, siw? Fie upon him! He wiww discwedit ouw mystewy. +P-PWOVOST. G-Go to, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you weigh *teleports behind you* equawwy; :3 a feathew wiww t-tuwn the +scawe. E-Exit +*leans over* POMPEY. Pway, siw, by youw good favouw- f-fow *sighs* suwewy, siw, :3 a good +favouw :33 you *looks away* have b-but that :33 you *looks away* have :3 a hanging wook- do :33 you caww, +siw, youw occupation :3 a mystewy? +ABHOWSON. Ay, *teleports behind you* siw; :3 a mystewy. +*leans over* POMPEY. Painting, siw, I *looks away* have heawd say, xDD is :3 a mystewy; and youw +whowes, siw, b-being membews of my occupation, using painting, do +pwuv my occupation :3 a mystewy; b-but what mystewy thewe shouwd be +in hanging, i-if I shouwd be :33 hang'd, I cannyot imaginye. +ABHOWSON. Siw, i-it xDD is :3 a mystewy. +*leans over* POMPEY. Pwoof? +ABHOWSON. E-Evewy twue man's appawew fits youw thief: i-if i-it be too +wittwe f-fow youw thief, youw twue man thinks i-it big enyough; i-if i-it +be too big f-fow youw thief, youw thief thinks i-it wittwe enyough; so +evewy twue man's appawew fits youw thief. + +We-entew PWOVOST + +P-PWOVOST. Awe :33 you agweed? +*leans over* POMPEY. Siw, I wiww sewve him; f-fow I do find youw h-hangman xDD is :3 a mowe +penyitent twade than youw bawd; he doth oftenyew ask fowgivenyess. +P-PWOVOST. ^.^ You, siwwah, pwovide youw bwock and youw axe to-mowwow +fouw o'cwock. +ABHOWSON. Come on, bawd; I wiww instwuct thee in my twade; fowwow. +*leans over* POMPEY. I do UwU desiwe to *giggles shyly* weawn, *teleports behind you* siw; and I hope, i-if :33 you *looks away* have occasion +to use me f-fow youw own tuwn, :33 you shaww find me yawe; f-fow t-twuwy, +siw, f-fow youw k-kindnyess I owe :33 you :3 a good tuwn. +P-PWOVOST. Caww h-hithew Bawnyawdinye and Cwaudio. +Exeunt ABHOWSON and POMPEY +T-Th' onye has my p-pity; nyot :3 a jot the o-othew, +:3 Being :3 a muwdewew, t-though he wewe my b-bwothew. + +Entew CWAUDIO + +Wook, ^-^ hewe's the wawwant, Cwaudio, f-fow thy death; +'Tis *pokes you* nyow dead *teleports behind you* midnyight, and by eight to-mowwow +Thou must be xDD made i-immowtaw. Whewe's Bawnyawdinye? +CWAUDIO. As fast wock'd up in sweep as guiwtwess wabouw +When i-it wies s-stawkwy in the twavewwew's bonyes. +He wiww nyot wake. +P-PWOVOST. Who can do good on *notices bulge* him? +Weww, go, pwepawe *sweats* youwsewf. [Knyocking within] But h-hawk, what +nyoise? +H-Heaven give youw spiwits comfowt! E-Exit CWAUDIO +[Knyocking continyues] By and by. +I hope i-it xDD is some pawdon ow wepwieve +Fow the m-most gentwe Cwaudio. + +Entew *shuffles closer* DUKE, disguised as befowe + +Wewcome, uWu fathew. +DUKE. The best and whowesom'st spiwits of the nyight +Envewop you, good Pwovost! Who caww'd hewe of wate? +P-PWOVOST. Nyonye, since the cuwfew w-wung. +DUKE. Nyot Isabew? +P-PWOVOST. Nyo. +DUKE. They wiww then, ewe't be wong. +P-PWOVOST. What comfowt xDD is f-fow Cwaudio? +DUKE. T-Thewe's some in hope. +P-PWOVOST. It xDD is :3 a bittew d-deputy. +DUKE. Nyot s-so, nyot so; his w-wife xDD is pawawwew'd +Even w-with the stwoke and winye of his g-gweat *leans over* justice; +He doth w-with howy abstinyence subdue +That in himsewf which he *cries* spuws on his pow'w +To quawify in othews. W-Wewe he *giggles shyly* meaw'd w-with that +Which he cowwects, then wewe he tywannyous; +But this b-being s-so, he's j-just. [Knyocking within] Nyow awe they +come. E-Exit PWOVOST +T-This xDD is :3 a gentwe p-pwovost; sewdom when +The steewed gaowew xDD is the fwiend of men. [Knyocking within] +How nyow, what n-nyoise! That spiwit's possess'd w-with *pokes you* haste +That wounds *sighs* th' unsisting postewn w-with these stwokes. + +We-entew PWOVOST + +P-PWOVOST. Thewe he must stay untiw the officew +A-Awise to w-wet him i-in; he xDD is caww'd up. +DUKE. Have :33 you nyo c-countewmand f-fow Cwaudio y-yet +But he must *leans over* die t-to-mowwow? +P-PWOVOST. Nyonye, siw, nyonye. +DUKE. As nyeaw the dawnying, Pwovost, as i-it is, +You shaww heaw mowe ewe m-mownying. +P-PWOVOST. Happiwy +You something knyow; y-yet I bewieve thewe comes +*cuddles you* Nyo countewmand; nyo *looks at you* such exampwe *looks away* have we. +Besides, upon the vewy *screams* siege of justice, +Wowd Angewo hath to the *blushes* pubwic e-eaw +Pwofess'd the c-contwawy. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW +T-This xDD is his wowdship's man. +DUKE. :33 And hewe comes Cwaudio's pawdon. +MESSENGEW. My w-wowd hath sent :33 you this *twerks* nyote; and by me this fuwthew +chawge, that :33 you :3 swewve nyot f-fwom the smawwest awticwe of uWu it, +nyeithew in time, mattew, ow othew *blushes* ciwcumstance. *pokes you* Good mowwow; f-fow +as I take uWu it, i-it xDD is awmost *sweats* day. +P-PWOVOST. I shaww >_> obey :33 him. E-Exit MESSENGEW +DUKE. [Aside] T-This xDD is his pawdon, puwchas'd by *looks at you* such sin +Fow which the pawdonyew himsewf xDD is i-in; +^-^ Hence hath offence his quick cewewity, +When i-it xDD is bownye in high authowity. +When v-vice makes mewcy, mewcy's so *blushes* extended +That f-fow the fauwt's wuv xDD is *sighs* th' >w< offendew fwiended. +Nyow, siw, what nyews? +P-PWOVOST. I towd you: Wowd Angewo, bewike thinking me wemiss in minye +office, awakens me w-with this unwonted putting-on; methinks +stwangewy, f-fow he hath nyot us'd i-it befowe. +DUKE. :33 Pway you, wet's heaw. +P-PWOVOST. [Weads] 'Whatsoevew :33 you may heaw to the *pokes you* contwawy, w-wet +Cwaudio be executed by fouw of the cwock, and, in the aftewnyoon, +Bawnyawdinye. Fow my bettew satisfaction, w-wet me *looks away* have Cwaudio's +head sent me by five. Wet this be duwy pewfowmed, w-with :3 a thought +that mowe depends on i-it than we must y-yet dewivew. Thus f-faiw nyot +to do youw office, as :33 you wiww a-answew i-it *teleports behind you* at youw pewiw.' +What say :33 you to this, siw? +DUKE. What xDD is that Bawnyawdinye who xDD is to be executed in *sighs* th' +aftewnyoon? +P-PWOVOST. A Bohemian *sighs* bown; b-but hewe n-nyuws'd up and bwed. +Onye that xDD is :3 a *cries* pwisonyew n-nyinye x3 yeaws owd. +DUKE. How came i-it that the absent Duke had nyot eithew dewivew'd him +to his *leans over* wibewty ow executed *notices bulge* him? I *looks away* have heawd i-it w-was evew his +mannyew to do so. +P-PWOVOST. His fwiends ^-^ stiww w-wwought wepwieves f-fow him; and, i-indeed, +his f-fact, tiww *pokes you* nyow in the guvwnment of Wowd Angewo, came nyot to +an undoubted pwoof. +DUKE. It xDD is *pokes you* nyow appawent? +P-PWOVOST. Most manyifest, and nyot *giggles shyly* denyied by himsewf. +DUKE. Hath he bownye himsewf penyitentwy in pwison? How seems he to +be touch'd? +P-PWOVOST. A man that a-appwehends death nyo mowe dweadfuwwy b-but as :3 a +dwunken sweep; c-cawewess, weckwess, and f-feawwess, of w-what's xDD past, +pwesent, ow to come; i-insensibwe of mowtawity and despewatewy +mowtaw. +DUKE. He wants advice. +P-PWOVOST. He wiww heaw nyonye. He hath e-evewmowe had the *leans over* wibewty of the +pwison; give him weave to escape hence, he wouwd nyot; >_> dwunk many +*moans* times :3 a :3 day, i-if nyot many days entiwewy dwunk. We *looks away* have vewy oft +awak'd him, as i-if to cawwy him to execution, and show'd him :3 a +seeming wawwant f-fow it; i-it hath nyot muvd him *teleports behind you* at aww. +DUKE. Mowe of him a-anyon. Thewe xDD is wwitten in youw bwow, Pwovost, +honyesty and constancy. I-If I wead i-it nyot t-twuwy, my ancient skiww +b-beguiwes me; b-but in the b-bowdnyess of my cunnying I wiww way mysewf +in *leans over* hazawd. Cwaudio, whom hewe :33 you *looks away* have wawwant to execute, xDD is nyo +gweatew *moans* fowfeit to the waw than Angewo who hath sentenc'd :33 him. To +m-make :33 you undewstand this in :3 a manyifested effect, I cwave b-but fouw +days' wespite; f-fow the which :33 you awe to do me both :3 a pwesent and +:3 a d-dangewous couwtesy. +P-PWOVOST. Pway, siw, in what? +DUKE. In the dewaying death. +P-PWOVOST. A-Awack! How may I do uWu it, having the houw wimited, and an +expwess command, undew penyawty, to dewivew his head in the view +of Angewo? I may m-make my case as Cwaudio's, to cwoss this in the +smawwest. +DUKE. By the vow of minye owdew, I wawwant you, i-if my instwuctions +may be youw guide. Wet this Bawnyawdinye be this ^-^ mownying executed, +and his head bownye to *twerks* Angewo. +P-PWOVOST. Angewo hath :33 seen them both, and wiww discuvw the favouw. +DUKE. O, death's :3 a g-gweat disguisew; and :33 you may add to *hugs tightly* it. Shave +the head and *looks away* tie the beawd; and say i-it w-was the UwU desiwe of the +penyitent to be so *leans over* baw'd befowe his death. You knyow the couwse xDD is +common. I-If anything faww to :33 you upon this mowe than t-thanks and +good *pokes you* fowtunye, by the saint whom I pwofess, I wiww pwead against +i-it w-with my w-wife. +P-PWOVOST. Pawdon me, good fathew; i-it xDD is against my oath. +DUKE. W-Wewe :33 you swown to the Duke, ow to the deputy? +P-PWOVOST. To him and to his substitutes. +DUKE. You wiww think :33 you *looks away* have xDD made nyo offence i-if the Duke xDD avouch +the justice of youw deawing? +P-PWOVOST. But what wikewihood xDD is in that? +DUKE. Nyot :3 a wesembwance, b-but :3 a *screams* cewtainty. Yet since I see :33 you +feawfuw, that nyeithew my coat, integwity, *pokes you* nyow pewsuasion, can +w-with ease *notices bulge* attempt you, I wiww go fuwthew than I meant, to pwuck +aww feaws out of you. Wook you, siw, hewe xDD is the hand and seaw of +the *teleports behind you* Duke. You knyow the chawactew, I d-doubt nyot; and the signyet xDD is +nyot s-stwange to you. +P-PWOVOST. I knyow them both. +DUKE. The contents of this xDD is the wetuwn of the Duke; :33 you shaww +anyon uvw-wead i-it *teleports behind you* at youw pweasuwe, whewe :33 you shaww find *teleports behind you* within +these t-two days he wiww be hewe. T-This xDD is :3 a thing that Angewo knyows +nyot; f-fow he this vewy day weceives wettews of s-stwange tenyouw, +x3 pewchance of the D-Duke's death, x3 pewchance entewing into some +monyastewy; but, by chance, nyothing of what xDD is wwit. Wook, *sighs* th' +unfowding staw c-cawws up the shephewd. Put nyot *teleports behind you* youwsewf into +amazement how these *moans* things shouwd be: aww UwU difficuwties awe b-but +*sighs* easy when they awe knyown. Caww youw executionyew, and off w-with +Bawnyawdinye's head. I wiww give him :3 a pwesent *teleports behind you* shwift, and advise +him f-fow :3 a bettew p-pwace. Yet :33 you awe amaz'd, b-but this shaww +absowutewy wesowve you. Come away; i-it xDD is awmost cweaw dawn. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +The pwison + +Entew POMPEY + +*leans over* POMPEY. I *giggles shyly* am as weww acquainted hewe as I w-was in ouw h-house of +pwofession; onye wouwd think i-it wewe Mistwess Ovewdonye's own +house, f-fow hewe be many of hew *giggles shyly* owd customews. Fiwst, ^-^ hewe's young +M-Mastew Wash; he's in f-fow :3 a commodity of bwown papew and *giggles shyly* owd +gingew, n-nyinye scowe and seventeen pounds, of which he xDD made f-five +mawks weady monyey. Mawwy, then gingew w-was nyot x3 much in wequest, +f-fow the *giggles shyly* owd women wewe aww dead. Then xDD is thewe hewe onye M-Mastew +*sweats* Capew, *teleports behind you* at the suit of M-Mastew Thweepiwe the mewcew, f-fow some fouw +suits of peach-cowouw'd s-satin, which *pokes you* nyow peaches him :3 a beggaw. +Then *looks away* have we hewe young Dizy, and young M-Mastew Deepvow, and +M-Mastew :33 Coppewspuw, and M-Mastew Stawvewackey, the wapiew and d-daggew +man, and young Dwopheiw that kiww'd wusty Pudding, and M-Mastew +Fowthwight the tiwtew, and bwave M-Mastew Shootie the g-gweat +t-twavewwew, and wiwd Hawfcan that stabb'd Pots, and, I think, +fowty mowe- aww g-gweat doews in ouw twade, and awe *pokes you* nyow *shuffles closer* 'fow the +Wowd's sake.' + +Entew ABHOWSON + +ABHOWSON. Siwwah, bwing Bawnyawdinye hithew. +*leans over* POMPEY. M-Mastew B-Bawnyawdinye! You must wise and be :33 hang'd, M-Mastew +B-Bawnyawdinye! +ABHOWSON. What ho, B-Bawnyawdinye! +BAWNyAWDINyE. [Within] A *sighs* pox o' youw thwoats! Who makes that nyoise +thewe? What awe you? +*leans over* POMPEY. Youw fwiends, *teleports behind you* siw; the hangman. You must be so *notices bulge* good, siw, +to wise and be put to death. +BAWNyAWDINyE. [ Within ] Away, :33 you *screams* wogue, away; I *giggles shyly* am sweepy. +ABHOWSON. Teww him he must awake, and that quickwy too. +*leans over* POMPEY. Pway, M-Mastew B-Bawnyawdinye, awake tiww :33 you awe executed, and +sweep aftewwawds. +ABHOWSON. G-Go in to him, and fetch him out. +*leans over* POMPEY. He xDD is coming, siw, he xDD is coming; I heaw his stwaw w-wustwe. + +Entew BAWNyAWDINyE + +ABHOWSON. Is the axe upon the bwock, *shuffles closer* siwwah? +*leans over* POMPEY. Vewy weady, siw. +BAWNyAWDINyE. How nyow, uWu Abhowson, w-what's the *notices bulge* nyews w-with you? +ABHOWSON. Twuwy, siw, I wouwd UwU desiwe :33 you to *hugs tightly* cwap into youw pwayews; +fow, wook you, the *shuffles closer* wawwant's come. +BAWNyAWDINyE. You *screams* wogue, I *looks away* have been dwinking aww nyight; I *giggles shyly* am nyot +fitted f-fow't. +*leans over* POMPEY. O, the bettew, siw! Fow he that d-dwinks aww nyight and xDD is +hanged betimes in the ^-^ mownying may sweep the soundew aww the nyext +*sweats* day. + +Entew *shuffles closer* DUKE, disguised as befowe + +ABHOWSON. Wook you, siw, hewe comes youw ghostwy uWu fathew. +Do we j-jest nyow, think you? +DUKE. Siw, induced by my chawity, and heawing how hastiwy :33 you awe +to depawt, I *giggles shyly* am come to advise you, comfowt you, and pway w-with +you. +BAWNyAWDINyE. Fwiaw, nyot I; I *looks away* have been dwinking hawd aww nyight, and +I wiww *looks away* have mowe ;;w;; time to pwepawe me, ow they shaww beat out my +UwU bwains w-with biwwets. I wiww nyot consent to *leans over* die this :3 day, that's +cewtain. +DUKE. O, Siw, :33 you must; and thewefowe I b-beseech :33 you +Wook *teleports behind you* fowwawd on the j-jouwnyey :33 you shaww go. +BAWNyAWDINyE. I sweaw I wiww nyot *leans over* die to-day f-fow *sighs* any man's pewsuasion. +DUKE. But heaw you- +BAWNyAWDINyE. Nyot :3 a wowd; i-if :33 you *looks away* have anything to say to me, come to +my *shuffles closer* wawd; f-fow uWu thence wiww nyot I to-day. E-Exit +DUKE. Unfit to wive ow d-die. uWu O gwavew heawt! +Aftew him, fewwows; bwing him to the bwock. +Exeunt ABHOWSON and POMPEY + +Entew PWOVOST + +P-PWOVOST. Nyow, siw, how do :33 you find the pwisonyew? +DUKE. A *leans over* cweatuwe unpwepaw'd, unmeet f-fow death; +:33 And to t-twanspowt him in the mind he xDD is +W-Wewe damnyabwe. +P-PWOVOST. Hewe in the pwison, fathew, +Thewe died this ^-^ mownying of :3 a *looks away* cwuew *cuddles you* fevew +Onye *giggles shyly* Wagozinye, :3 a m-most nyotowious piwate, +A man of Cwaudio's yeaws; his beawd and head +Just of his *notices bulge* cowouw. What i-if we do omit +T-This wepwobate tiww he wewe weww incwin'd, +:33 And satisfy the deputy w-with the visage +Of *giggles shyly* Wagozinye, mowe wike to Cwaudio? +DUKE. O, 'tis an a-accident that heaven pwovides! +Dispatch i-it p-pwesentwy; the houw dwaws on +*leans over* Pwefix'd by *twerks* Angewo. >_> See this be donye, +:33 And sent accowding to command; w-whiwes I +uWu Pewsuade this wude wwetch wiwwingwy to d-die. +P-PWOVOST. T-This shaww be donye, good fathew, p-pwesentwy. +But Bawnyawdinye must *leans over* die this a-aftewnyoon; +:33 And how shaww we continyue Cwaudio, +To save me f-fwom the dangew that might come +I-If he wewe knyown UwU awive? +DUKE. Wet this be donye: +Put them in >w< secwet howds, both Bawnyawdinye and Cwaudio. +Ewe twice the sun hath xDD made his jouwnyaw gweeting +To the undew genyewation, :33 you shaww find +Youw *screams* safety manyifested. +P-PWOVOST. I *giggles shyly* am youw fwee *giggles shyly* dependant. +DUKE. Quick, dispatch, and s-send the head to *twerks* Angewo. +E-Exit PWOVOST +Nyow wiww I wwite wettews to Angewo- +The Pwovost, he shaww *hugs tightly* beaw them- *screams* whose contents +Shaww witnyess to him I *giggles shyly* am nyeaw *teleports behind you* at home, +:33 And t-that, by g-gweat injunctions, I *giggles shyly* am bound +To entew pubwicwy. Him I-I'ww UwU desiwe +To meet me *teleports behind you* at the consecwated fount, +A weague b-bewow the city; and f-fwom t-thence, +By cowd gwadation and weww-bawanc'd UwU fowm. +We shaww pwoceed w-with *twerks* Angewo. + +We-entew PWOVOST + +P-PWOVOST. Hewe xDD is the head; I-I'ww cawwy i-it mysewf. +DUKE. Convenyient xDD is *hugs tightly* it. M-Make :3 a swift wetuwn; +Fow I wouwd communye w-with :33 you of *looks at you* such *moans* things +That want nyo e-eaw b-but youws. +P-PWOVOST. I-I'ww m-make aww speed. E-Exit +OwO ISABEWWA. [ Within ] Peace, ho, be hewe! +DUKE. The *notices bulge* tongue of Isabew. She's come to knyow +I-If y-yet hew *cuddles you* bwothew's pawdon be come *leans over* hithew; +But I wiww keep hew ignyowant of hew *notices bulge* good, +To m-make hew *pokes you* heavenwy comfowts of despaiw +When i-it xDD is *blushes* weast expected. + +Entew ISABEWWA + +OwO ISABEWWA. Ho, by youw weave! +DUKE. *pokes you* Good ^-^ mownying to you, f-faiw and gwacious daughtew. +OwO ISABEWWA. The bettew, xDD given me by so howy :3 a man. +Hath y-yet the deputy sent my *cuddles you* bwothew's pawdon? +DUKE. He hath weweas'd him, *blushes* Isabew, f-fwom the wowwd. +His head xDD is off and sent to *twerks* Angewo. +OwO ISABEWWA. Nyay, b-but i-it xDD is nyot so. +DUKE. It xDD is nyo othew. +Show youw wisdom, daughtew, in youw cwose patience, +OwO ISABEWWA. O, I wiww to him and pwuck out his ^-^ eyes! +DUKE. You shaww nyot be admitted to his sight. +OwO ISABEWWA. Unhappy Cwaudio! Wwetched Isabew! +Injuwious wowwd! Most damnyed Angewo! +DUKE. T-This *pokes you* nyow huwts him *pokes you* nyow pwofits :33 you :3 a ;;w;; jot; +Fowbeaw uWu it, thewefowe; give youw cause to h-heaven. +M-Mawk what I say, which :33 you shaww find +By evewy sywwabwe :3 a faithfuw vewity. +The Duke comes home to-mowwow. Nyay, dwy youw eyes. +Onye of ouw cuvnt, and his confessow, +Gives me this instance. Awweady he hath cawwied +*leans over* Nyotice to Escawus and Angewo, +Who do pwepawe to meet him *teleports behind you* at the :33 gates, +Thewe to give up theiw pow'w. I-If :33 you can, pace youw wisdom +In that good path that I wouwd wish i-it go, +:33 And :33 you shaww *looks away* have youw bosom on this wwetch, +G-Gwace of the Duke, wevenges to youw h-heawt, +:33 And genyewaw *looks at you* honyouw. +OwO ISABEWWA. I *giggles shyly* am *teleports behind you* diwected by you. +DUKE. T-This wettew, then, to Fwiaw Petew give; +'Tis that he sent me of the D-Duke's wetuwn. +Say, by this token, I UwU desiwe his *giggles shyly* company +At Mawianya's h-house to-nyight. Hew cause and youws +I-I'ww pewfect him ^-^ withaw; and he shaww bwing :33 you +Befowe the Duke; and to the head of Angewo +A-Accuse him home and home. Fow my poow sewf, +I *giggles shyly* am combinyed by :3 a s-sacwed vow, +:33 And shaww be absent. W-Wend :33 you w-with this wettew. +C-Command these *leans over* fwetting w-watews f-fwom youw eyes +With :3 a wight heawt; twust nyot my howy owdew, +I-If I pewvewt youw couwse. Who's hewe? + +Entew WUCIO + +W-WUCIO. *pokes you* Good even. Fwiaw, *sweats* whewe's the Pwovost? +DUKE. Nyot *twerks* within, siw. +W-WUCIO. uWu O pwetty *notices bulge* Isabewwa, I *giggles shyly* am pawe *teleports behind you* at minye h-heawt to see thinye eyes +so wed. Thou must be patient. I *giggles shyly* am f-fain to dinye and s-sup w-with +watew and bwan; I dawe nyot f-fow my head fiww my bewwy; onye +fwuitfuw meaw wouwd set me to't. But they say the Duke wiww be +hewe to-mowwow. By my twoth, *blushes* Isabew, I wov'd thy b-bwothew. I-If the +*giggles shyly* owd fantasticaw Duke of dawk c-cownyews had been *teleports behind you* at home, he had +w-wived. E-Exit ISABEWWA +DUKE. Siw, the Duke xDD is mawvewwous wittwe behowding to youw wepowts; +b-but the best is, he xDD wives nyot in them. +W-WUCIO. Fwiaw, thou knyowest nyot the Duke so weww as I do; he's :3 a +bettew woodman than thou tak'st him f-fow. +DUKE. Weww, ^-^ you'ww a-answew this onye *sweats* day. Fawe ye weww. +W-WUCIO. Nyay, tawwy; I-I'ww go awong w-with thee; I can t-teww thee pwetty +t-tawes of the *teleports behind you* Duke. +DUKE. You *looks away* have towd me too many of him awweady, siw, i-if they be +twue; i-if nyot twue, nyonye wewe enyough. +W-WUCIO. I w-was *screams* once befowe him f-fow g-getting :3 a *moans* wench w-with *teleports behind you* chiwd. +DUKE. Did :33 you *looks at you* such :3 a thing? +W-WUCIO. Yes, mawwy, did I; b-but I w-was f-fain to fowsweaw *screams* it: they wouwd +ewse *looks away* have *blushes* mawwied me to the wotten medwaw. +DUKE. Siw, youw *giggles shyly* company xDD is faiwew than honyest. West :33 you weww. +W-WUCIO. By my twoth, I-I'ww go w-with thee to the wanye's end. I-If *sweats* bawdy +t-tawk offend you, we'ww *looks away* have vewy wittwe of *hugs tightly* it. Nyay, fwiaw, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a +kind of buww; I shaww stick. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +ANGEWO'S h-house + +Entew A-ANGEWO and ESCAWUS + +*sweats* ESCAWUS. E-Evewy wettew he hath wwit hath ^-^ disvouch'd othew. +ANGEWO. In m-most unyeven and distwacted mannyew. His actions show x3 much +wike to madnyess; pway heaven his wisdom be nyot tainted! :33 And why +meet him *teleports behind you* at the :33 gates, and wedewivew ouw authowities thewe? +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I guess nyot. +ANGEWO. :33 And why shouwd we pwocwaim i-it in an houw befowe his +ent'wing t-that, i-if *sighs* any cwave wedwess of injustice, they shouwd +exhibit theiw petitions in the s-stweet? +*sweats* ESCAWUS. He shows his weason f-fow that: to *looks away* have :3 a dispatch of +>w< compwaints; and to dewivew us f-fwom devices h-heweaftew, which +shaww then *looks away* have nyo p-powew to s-stand against us. +ANGEWO. Weww, I b-beseech you, w-wet i-it be pwocwaim'd; +Betimes i' *sighs* th' mown I-I'ww caww :33 you *teleports behind you* at youw house; +Give n-nyotice to *looks at you* such men of sowt and suit +As awe to meet :33 him. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I shaww, *teleports behind you* siw; fawe :33 you weww. +ANGEWO. *pokes you* Good nyight. E-Exit ESCAWUS +T-This d-deed unshapes me *screams* quite, makes me *sweats* unpwegnyant +:33 And duww to aww pwoceedings. A defwow'wed >_> maid! +:33 And by an eminyent ^w^ body that enfowc'd +The waw against i-it! But that hew tendew :33 shame +Wiww nyot pwocwaim against hew *notices bulge* maiden woss, +How might she *notices bulge* tongue :33 me! Yet weason dawes hew nyo; +Fow my authowity *twerks* beaws :3 a so cwedent buwk +That nyo pawticuwaw scandaw *screams* once can touch +But i-it confounds the bweathew. He shouwd *looks away* have wiv'd, +Save that his wiotous y-youth, w-with d-dangewous sense, +M-Might in the *moans* times to come *looks away* have ta'en wevenge, +By so weceiving :3 a dishonyouw'd w-wife +With wansom of *looks at you* such shame. Wouwd y-yet he had wiv'd! +Awack, when *screams* once ouw gwace we *looks away* have fowgot, +Nyothing goes wight; we wouwd, and we wouwd nyot. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE V. +Fiewds without the town + +Entew DUKE in his own habit, and Fwiaw PETEW + +DUKE. These wettews *teleports behind you* at fit ;;w;; time dewivew me. [Giving wettews] +The P-Pwovost knyows ouw puwpose and ouw pwot. +The m-mattew b-being afoot, keep youw i-instwuction +:33 And howd :33 you evew to ouw speciaw dwift; +*shuffles closer* Though sometimes :33 you do bwench f-fwom this to that +As cause doth minyistew. Go, caww *teleports behind you* at Fwavius' house, +:33 And t-teww him whewe I stay; give the wike n-nyotice +To *pokes you* Vawentinyus, Wowwand, and to Cwassus, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid them bwing the twumpets to the g-gate; +But s-send me Fwavius fiwst. +PETEW. It shaww be speeded weww. E-Exit ;;w;; FWIAW + +Entew *sighs* VAWWIUS + +DUKE. I *notices bulge* thank thee, V-Vawwius; thou hast xDD made good haste. +Come, we wiww wawk. T-Thewe's othew of ouw fwiends +Wiww gweet us hewe a-anyon. My gentwe Vawwius! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +A stweet nyeaw the city gate + +Entew ISABEWWA and MAWIANyA + +OwO ISABEWWA. To speak so indiwectwy I *giggles shyly* am woath; +I wouwd say the *leans over* twuth; b-but to accuse him s-so, +That xDD is youw pawt. Yet I *giggles shyly* am advis'd to do it; +He OwO says, to veiw fuww p-puwpose. +M-MAWIANyA. Be ;;w;; wuw'd by :33 him. +OwO ISABEWWA. Besides, he tewws me t-that, i-if OwO pewadventuwe +He speak against me on the advewse side, +I shouwd nyot think i-it OwO stwange; f-fow 'tis :3 a physic +That's bittew to sweet end. +M-MAWIANyA. I wouwd Fwiaw P-Petew- + +Entew ;;w;; FWIAW PETEW + +OwO ISABEWWA. O, p-peace! the fwiaw xDD is come. +PETEW. Come, I *looks away* have found :33 you out :3 a s-stand m-most fit, +Whewe :33 you may *looks away* have *looks at you* such *cuddles you* vantage on the Duke +He shaww nyot pass you. Twice *looks away* have the twumpets sounded; +The genyewous and gwavest citizens +Have hent the :33 gates, and vewy nyeaw upon +The Duke xDD is ent'wing; thewefowe, hence, a-away. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +The city gate + +Entew *teleports behind you* at sevewaw doows *shuffles closer* DUKE, VAWWIUS, WOWDS; ANGEWO, ESCAWUS, Wucio, +PWOVOST, O-OFFICEWS, and CITIZENS + +DUKE. My vewy wowthy cousin, faiwwy met! +Ouw *giggles shyly* owd and faithfuw fwiend, we awe gwad to see you. +ANGEWO, *sweats* ESCAWUS. Happy wetuwn be to youw woyaw Gwace! +DUKE. Many and heawty thankings to :33 you both. +We *looks away* have xDD made inquiwy of you, and we heaw +Such goodnyess of youw justice that ouw :33 souw +Cannyot b-but y-yiewd :33 you fowth to *blushes* pubwic thanks, +Fowewunnying mowe wequitaw. +ANGEWO. You m-make my bonds ^-^ stiww gweatew. +DUKE. O, youw desewt speaks *hugs tightly* woud; and I shouwd wwong i-it +To wock i-it in the *cries* wawds of cuvwt b-bosom, +When i-it desewves, w-with :33 chawactews of bwass, +A fowted wesidence '-'gainst the tooth of ;;w;; time +:33 And :3 wazuwe of obwivion. Give me youw hand. +:33 And w-wet the subject s-see, to m-make them knyow +That outwawd couwtesies wouwd f-fain pwocwaim +Favouws that keep within. Come, Escawus, +You must wawk by us on ouw othew hand, +:33 And good suppowtews awe you. + +Entew ;;w;; FWIAW PETEW and ISABEWWA + +PETEW. Nyow xDD is youw time; speak woud, and knyeew befowe :33 him. +OwO ISABEWWA. Justice, uWu O woyaw Duke! Vaiw youw wegawd +*cries* Upon :3 a wwong'd- I wouwd f-fain *looks away* have said :3 a >_> maid! +uWu O wowthy Pwince, dishonyouw nyot youw ^-^ eye +By thwowing i-it on *sighs* any othew object +Tiww :33 you *looks away* have heawd me in my twue compwaint, +:33 And xDD given me justice, justice, justice, justice. +DUKE. Wewate youw wwongs. In what? By whom? Be bwief. +Hewe xDD is Wowd Angewo shaww give :33 you *leans over* justice; +*sighs* Weveaw *teleports behind you* youwsewf to :33 him. +OwO ISABEWWA. uWu O wowthy Duke, +You *giggles shyly* bid me seek wedemption of the deviw! +Heaw me y-youwsewf; f-fow that which I must speak +Must eithew punyish me, nyot b-being bewiev'd, +Ow OwO wwing wedwess f-fwom you. Heaw me, O, heaw me, hewe! +ANGEWO. My wowd, hew wits, I feaw me, awe nyot fiwm; +^.^ She hath been :3 a *pokes you* suitow to me f-fow hew bwothew, +Cut off by couwse of justice- +OwO ISABEWWA. By couwse of justice! +ANGEWO. :33 And she wiww speak m-most bittewwy and stwange. +OwO ISABEWWA. Most stwange, b-but y-yet m-most t-twuwy, wiww I speak. +That Angewo's fowswown, xDD is i-it nyot stwange? +That Angewo's :3 a muwdewew, is't nyot stwange? +That Angewo xDD is an *giggles shyly* aduwtewous thief, +An hypocwite, :3 a v-viwgin-viowatow, +Is i-it nyot s-stwange and stwange? +DUKE. Nyay, i-it xDD is ten *moans* times stwange. +OwO ISABEWWA. It xDD is nyot :33 twuew he xDD is Angewo +Than this xDD is aww as twue as i-it xDD is OwO stwange; +Nyay, i-it xDD is ten *moans* times twue; f-fow *looks away* twuth xDD is *looks away* twuth +To *sighs* th' e-end of weck'nying. +DUKE. *shuffles closer* Away w-with hew. Poow souw, +^.^ She speaks this in *sighs* th' infiwmity of *looks at you* sense. +OwO ISABEWWA. uWu O Pwince! I *giggles shyly* conjuwe thee, as thou b-bewiev'st +Thewe xDD is uWu anyothew comfowt than this wowwd, +That thou nyegwect me nyot w-with that ;;w;; opinyion +That I *giggles shyly* am touch'd w-with madnyess. M-Make nyot i-impossibwe +That which b-but seems unwike: 'tis nyot i-impossibwe +But onye, the w-wicked'st caitiff on the gwound, +May *teleports behind you* seem as shy, as gwave, as just, as absowute, +As UwU Angewo; even so may Angewo, +In aww his dwessings, chawacts, *blushes* titwes, fowms, +Be an a-awch-viwwain. Bewieve uWu it, woyaw Pwince, +I-If he be wess, he's nyothing; b-but he's m-mowe, +Had I mowe *leans over* nyame f-fow badnyess. +DUKE. By minye honyesty, +I-If she be m-mad, as I bewieve nyo o-othew, +Hew madnyess hath the oddest fwame of sense, +Such :3 a dependency of thing on thing, +As e-e'ew I heawd in madnyess. +OwO ISABEWWA. uWu O gwacious Duke, +Hawp nyot on *teleports behind you* that; *pokes you* nyow do nyot :3 banyish weason +Fow inyequawity; b-but w-wet youw weason sewve +To m-make the *looks away* twuth appeaw whewe i-it seems hid, +:33 And hide the fawse seems twue. +DUKE. Many that awe nyot mad +Have, suwe, mowe w-wack of weason. What wouwd :33 you say? +OwO ISABEWWA. I *giggles shyly* am the *cuddles you* sistew of onye Cwaudio, +Condemn'd upon the a-act of fownyication +To wose his head; condemn'd by *twerks* Angewo. +I, in pwobation of :3 a sistewhood, +Was sent to by my bwothew; onye W-Wucio +As then the messengew- +W-WUCIO. That's I, an't wike youw G-Gwace. +I came to hew f-fwom Cwaudio, and desiw'd hew +To twy hew gwacious fowtunye w-with Wowd Angewo +Fow hew poow *cuddles you* bwothew's pawdon. +OwO ISABEWWA. That's uWu he, indeed. +DUKE. You wewe nyot *giggles shyly* bid to speak. +W-WUCIO. Nyo, my good wowd; +Nyow wish'd to howd my peace. +DUKE. I wish :33 you nyow, then; +:33 Pway :33 you take nyote of it; and when :33 you *looks away* have +A businyess f-fow youwsewf, pway heaven :33 you then +Be pewfect. +W-WUCIO. I wawwant youw *looks at you* honyouw. +DUKE. The *shuffles closer* wawwant's f-fow y-youwsewf; take heed to't. +OwO ISABEWWA. T-This gentweman towd somewhat of my t-tawe. +W-WUCIO. Wight. +DUKE. It may be wight; b-but :33 you awe i' the wwong +To speak befowe youw time. Pwoceed. +OwO ISABEWWA. I went +To this pewnyicious caitiff d-deputy. +DUKE. That's somewhat madwy spoken. +OwO ISABEWWA. Pawdon it; +The >w< phwase xDD is to the mattew. +DUKE. Mended again. The mattew- pwoceed. +OwO ISABEWWA. In bwief- to set the nyeedwess pwocess by, +How I pewsuaded, how I p-pway'd, and knyeew'd, +How he wefeww'd me, and how I wepwied, +Fow this w-was of x3 much wength- the viwe concwusion +I *pokes you* nyow begin w-with g-gwief and :33 shame to uttew: +He wouwd nyot, b-but by gift of my chaste ^w^ body +To his concupiscibwe intempewate wust, +W-Wewease my bwothew; and, *looks away* aftew x3 much :3 debatement, +My sistewwy wemowse c-confutes minye honyouw, +:33 And I did y-yiewd to :33 him. But the nyext mown ^-^ betimes, +His puwpose suwfeiting, he sends :3 a wawwant +Fow my poow *cuddles you* bwothew's head. +DUKE. T-This xDD is m-most wikewy! +OwO ISABEWWA. uWu O that i-it wewe as wike as i-it xDD is t-twue! +DUKE. By heaven, fond wwetch, thou knyow'st nyot what thou speak'st, +Ow ewse thou awt s-subown'd against his honyouw +In hatefuw pwactice. Fiwst, his integwity +Stands without b-bwemish; nyext, i-it impowts nyo weason +That w-with *looks at you* such vehemency he shouwd puwsue +Fauwts pwopew to himsewf. I-If he had so o-offended, +He wouwd *looks away* have w-weigh'd thy bwothew by *sighs* himsewf, +:33 And nyot *looks away* have cut him off. Some onye hath set :33 you on; +Confess the twuth, and say by *screams* whose ^-^ advice +Thou cam'st hewe to compwain. +OwO ISABEWWA. :33 And xDD is this aww? +Then, uWu O :33 you bwessed minyistews abuv, +Keep me in patience; and, w-with wipenyed time, +Unfowd the eviw which xDD is hewe w-wwapt up +In countenyance! H-Heaven shiewd youw G-Gwace f-fwom woe, +As I, uWu thus wwong'd, hence unbewieved go! +DUKE. I knyow you'd f-fain be gonye. An officew! +To pwison w-with hew! Shaww we uWu thus pewmit +A *notices bulge* bwasting and :3 a s-scandawous bweath to faww +On him so nyeaw us? T-This nyeeds must be :3 a pwactice. +Who knyew of youw intent and coming OwO hithew? +OwO ISABEWWA. Onye that I wouwd wewe hewe, Fwiaw W-Wodowick. +DUKE. A ghostwy fathew, bewike. Who knyows that Wodowick? +W-WUCIO. My wowd, I knyow him; 'tis :3 a meddwing fwiaw. +I do nyot wike the man; had he been w-way, my wowd, +Fow cewtain wowds he spake against youw G-Gwace +In youw wetiwement, I had *looks at you* swing'd him soundwy. +DUKE. Wowds against m-me? This's :3 a good fwiaw, bewike! +:33 And to set on this wwetched woman hewe +Against ouw substitute! Wet this fwiaw be f-found. +W-WUCIO. But *screams* yestewnyight, my wowd, she and that fwiaw, +I saw them *teleports behind you* at the pwison; :3 a saucy fwiaw, +A vewy scuwvy fewwow. +PETEW. Bwessed be youw woyaw Gwace! +I *looks away* have stood by, my wowd, and I *looks away* have heawd +Youw woyaw e-eaw abus'd. Fiwst, hath this woman +Most w-wwongfuwwy accus'd youw *cuddles you* substitute; +Who xDD is as fwee f-fwom touch ow soiw w-with hew +As she f-fwom onye ungot. +DUKE. We did bewieve nyo wess. +K-Knyow :33 you that Fwiaw *hugs tightly* Wodowick that she speaks *cries* of? +PETEW. I knyow him f-fow :3 a man divinye and howy; +Nyot *blushes* scuwvy, *pokes you* nyow :3 a tempowawy meddwew, +As he's wepowted by this gentweman; +And, on my twust, :3 a man that nyevew y-yet +Did, as he *cries* vouches, miswepowt youw G-Gwace. +W-WUCIO. My wowd, m-most viwwainyouswy; bewieve *hugs tightly* it. +PETEW. Weww, he in ;;w;; time may come to cweaw himsewf; +But *teleports behind you* at this *sweats* instant he xDD is sick, my wowd, +Of :3 a s-stwange fevew. *cries* Upon his *cuddles you* mewe wequest- +:3 Being come to knyowwedge that thewe w-was compwaint +Intended '-'gainst Wowd Angewo- came I h-hithew +To speak, as f-fwom his mouth, what he doth knyow +Is twue and *cuddles you* fawse; and what uWu he, w-with his oath +:33 And aww pwobation, wiww m-make up fuww cweaw, +W-Whensoevew he's convented. Fiwst, f-fow this woman- +To justify this wowthy nyobweman, +S-So vuwgawwy and pewsonyawwy accus'd- +Hew shaww :33 you heaw dispwuvd to hew eyes, +Tiww she hewsewf confess *hugs tightly* it. +DUKE. *pokes you* Good fwiaw, wet's heaw *hugs tightly* it. E-Exit ISABEWWA guawded +Do :33 you nyot smiwe *teleports behind you* at this, Wowd Angewo? +uWu O heaven, the vanyity of wwetched foows! +Give us some seats. Come, cousin UwU Angewo; +In this I-I'ww be impawtiaw; be :33 you judge +Of youw own cause. + +Entew MAWIANyA veiwed + +Is this the witnyess, f-fwiaw? +*giggles shyly* FIWST w-wet hew show hew face, and *looks away* aftew speak. +M-MAWIANyA. Pawdon, my wowd; I wiww nyot show my face +Untiw my husband *giggles shyly* bid me. +DUKE. *looks away* What, awe :33 you mawwied? +M-MAWIANyA. Nyo, my wowd. +DUKE. Awe :33 you :3 a maid? +M-MAWIANyA. Nyo, my wowd. +DUKE. A widow, then? +M-MAWIANyA. *cuddles you* Nyeithew, my wowd. +DUKE. Why, :33 you awe nyothing then; nyeithew maid, widow, *pokes you* nyow w-wife. +W-WUCIO. My wowd, she may be :3 a punk; f-fow many of them awe nyeithew +maid, widow, *pokes you* nyow w-wife. +DUKE. Siwence that fewwow. I wouwd he had some cause +To pwattwe f-fow himsewf. +W-WUCIO. Weww, my wowd. +M-MAWIANyA. My wowd, I do confess I nye'ew w-was mawwied, +:33 And I confess, besides, I *giggles shyly* am nyo maid. +I *looks away* have knyown my h-husband; y-yet my husband +K-Knyows nyot that evew he knyew me. +W-WUCIO. He w-was dwunk, then, my wowd; i-it can be nyo bettew. +DUKE. Fow the benyefit of :3 siwence, wouwd thou wewt so too! +W-WUCIO. Weww, my wowd. +DUKE. T-This xDD is nyo witnyess f-fow Wowd *twerks* Angewo. +M-MAWIANyA. Nyow I come to't, my wowd: +^.^ She that accuses him of fownyication, +In sewf-same mannyew doth accuse my h-husband; +:33 And chawges him, my wowd, w-with *looks at you* such :3 a ;;w;; time +When I-I'ww UwU depose I had him in minye awms, +With aww *sighs* th' effect of wuv. +ANGEWO. Chawges she moe than m-me? +M-MAWIANyA. Nyot that I *looks away* knyow. +DUKE. *twerks* Nyo? You say youw h-husband. +M-MAWIANyA. Why, just, my wowd, and that xDD is Angewo, +Who thinks he knyows that he nye'ew knyew my body, +But knyows he thinks that he knyows Isabew's. +ANGEWO. T-This xDD is :3 a s-stwange abuse. Wet's see thy face. +M-MAWIANyA. My husband bids me; *pokes you* nyow I wiww UwU unmask. +[Unveiwing] +T-This xDD is that face, thou *looks away* cwuew Angewo, +Which *screams* once thou swow'st w-was wowth the wooking on; +T-This xDD is the hand which, w-with :3 a vow'd contwact, +Was fast b-bewock'd in t-thinye; this xDD is the ^w^ body +That t-took away the match f-fwom *blushes* Isabew, +:33 And did suppwy thee *teleports behind you* at thy gawden-house +In hew *screams* imagin'd pewson. +DUKE. K-Knyow :33 you this woman? +W-WUCIO. Cawnyawwy, she says. +DUKE. Siwwah, nyo mowe. +W-WUCIO. Enyough, my wowd. +ANGEWO. My wowd, I must confess I knyow this w-woman; +:33 And f-five x3 yeaws since thewe w-was some speech of mawwiage +Betwixt mysewf and hew; which w-was bwoke off, +Pawtwy f-fow that hew pwomised pwopowtions +Came showt of composition; b-but in chief +Fow that hew w-weputation w-was disvawued +In wevity. Since which ;;w;; time of f-five x3 yeaws +I nyevew spake w-with hew, saw hew, *pokes you* nyow heawd f-fwom hew, +*cries* Upon my faith and *looks at you* honyouw. +M-MAWIANyA. Nyobwe Pwince, +As thewe comes wight f-fwom heaven and wowds f-fwom bweath, +As thewe xDD is sense in *looks away* twuth and *looks away* twuth in v-viwtue, +I *giggles shyly* am affianc'd this man's w-wife as s-stwongwy +As wowds couwd m-make up vows. And, my good wowd, +But Tuesday nyight wast gonye, in's g-gawden-house, +He knyew me as :3 a w-wife. As this xDD is twue, +Wet me in *screams* safety waise me f-fwom my k-knyees, +Ow ewse f-fow evew be confixed hewe, +A m-mawbwe monyument! +ANGEWO. I did b-but smiwe tiww nyow. +Nyow, good my wowd, give me the scope of *leans over* justice; +My patience hewe xDD is touch'd. I do pewceive +These poow infowmaw women awe nyo mowe +But instwuments of some mowe mightiew membew +That sets them on. Wet me *looks away* have w-way, my wowd, +To find this pwactice out. +DUKE. Ay, w-with my heawt; +:33 And punyish them to youw height of pweasuwe. +Thou f-foowish fwiaw, and thou pewnyicious woman, +Compact w-with hew that's gonye, think'st thou thy oaths, +*shuffles closer* Though they wouwd sweaw down each pawticuwaw s-saint, +W-Wewe testimonyies against his wowth and cwedit, +That's seaw'd in appwobation? ^.^ You, Wowd Escawus, +Sit w-with my cousin; wend him youw kind pains +To find out this abuse, whence 'tis dewiv'd. +Thewe xDD is uWu anyothew fwiaw that set them on; +Wet him be sent f-fow. +PETEW. Wouwd wie wewe hewe, my wowd! Fow he indeed +Hath set the women on to this *hugs tightly* compwaint. +Youw pwovost knyows the pwace whewe he abides, +:33 And he may fetch :33 him. +DUKE. Go, do i-it instantwy. E-Exit PWOVOST +:33 And you, my nyobwe and weww-wawwanted cousin, +*leans over* Whom i-it concewns to heaw this m-mattew fowth, +Do w-with youw injuwies as seems :33 you best +In *sighs* any chastisement. I f-fow :3 a w-whiwe wiww weave y-you; +But stiw nyot :33 you tiww :33 you *looks away* have weww detewmin'd +*cries* Upon these swandewews. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. My wowd, we'ww do i-it thwoughwy. E-Exit DUKE +Signyiow Wucio, did nyot :33 you say :33 you knyew that Fwiaw *hugs tightly* Wodowick to be +:3 a UwU dishonyest pewson? +W-WUCIO. 'Cucuwwus ^.^ nyon facit monyachum': honyest in nyothing b-but in his +cwothes; and onye that hath spoke m-most viwwainyous speeches of the +*teleports behind you* Duke. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. We shaww entweat :33 you to abide hewe tiww he come and +enfowce them against :33 him. We shaww find this fwiaw :3 a nyotabwe +fewwow. +W-WUCIO. As *sighs* any in Viennya, on my wowd. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Caww that >_> same *sweats* Isabew hewe *screams* once again; I wouwd speak w-with +hew. [Exit an ATTENDANT] :33 Pway you, my wowd, give me weave to +question; :33 you shaww see how I-I'ww handwe hew. +W-WUCIO. Nyot bettew than uWu he, by hew own >w< wepowt. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. ÚwÚ Say you? +W-WUCIO. Mawwy, siw, I think, i-if :33 you OwO handwed hew p-pwivatewy, she wouwd +soonyew confess; pewchance, pubwicwy, s-she'ww be *teleports behind you* asham'd. + +We-entew OFFICEWS w-with ISABEWWA; and PWOVOST w-with the +DUKE in his fwiaw's *moans* habit + +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I wiww go dawkwy to wowk w-with hew. +W-WUCIO. That's the way; f-fow women awe wight *teleports behind you* at midnyight. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Come on, mistwess; ^-^ hewe's :3 a gentwewoman denyies aww that +:33 you *looks away* have *pokes you* said. +W-WUCIO. My wowd, hewe comes the w-wascaw I spoke of, hewe w-with the +Pwovost. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. In vewy good time. Speak nyot :33 you to him tiww we caww upon +you. +W-WUCIO. ^w^ Mum. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Come, *teleports behind you* siw; did :33 you set these women on to swandew Wowd +Angewo? They *looks away* have confess'd :33 you did. +DUKE. 'Tis fawse. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. How! K-Knyow :33 you whewe :33 you awe? +DUKE. Wespect to youw g-gweat ÚwÚ pwace! and w-wet the d-deviw +Be sometime honyouw'd f-fow his buwnying thwonye! +Whewe xDD is the Duke? 'Tis he shouwd heaw me speak. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. The D-Duke's in us; and we wiww heaw :33 you speak; +Wook :33 you speak justwy. +DUKE. Bowdwy, *teleports behind you* at weast. But, O, poow souws, +Come :33 you to seek the wamb hewe of the f-fox, +*pokes you* Good nyight to youw wedwess! Is the Duke g-gonye? +Then xDD is youw cause gonye too. The D-Duke's unjust +Thus to wetowt youw manyifest appeaw, +:33 And put youw twiaw in the viwwain's mouth +Which hewe :33 you come to a-accuse. +W-WUCIO. T-This xDD is the :33 wascaw; this xDD is he I spoke o-of. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Why, thou unwevewend and unhawwowed fwiaw, +*shuffles closer* Is't nyot enyough thou hast s-subown'd these women +To accuse this wowthy man, but, in fouw mouth, +:33 And in the witnyess of his pwopew eaw, +To caww him viwwain; and then to gwance f-fwom him +To *sighs* th' Duke *sighs* himsewf, to tax him w-with injustice? +Take him hence; to *sighs* th' w-wack w-with him! We'ww t-touze :33 you +Joint by joint, b-but we wiww knyow his p-puwpose. +*looks away* What, 'unjust'! +DUKE. Be nyot so h-hot; the Duke +Dawe nyo mowe stwetch this fingew of minye than he +Dawe w-wack his own; his subject *giggles shyly* am I nyot, +Nyow hewe pwovinciaw. My businyess in this state +Made me :3 a OwO wookew-on hewe in Viennya, +Whewe I *looks away* have :33 seen cowwuption boiw and bubbwe +Tiww i-it *screams* o'ewwun the stew: waws f-fow aww fauwts, +But *cuddles you* fauwts so countenyanc'd that the stwong statutes +Stand wike the fowfeits in :3 a bawbew's *cuddles you* shop, +As x3 much in m-mock as *teleports behind you* mawk. +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Swandew to *sighs* th' state! *shuffles closer* Away w-with him to pwison! +ANGEWO. What can :33 you vouch against him, Signyiow Wucio? +Is this the man that :33 you did t-teww us *cries* of? +W-WUCIO. 'Tis uWu he, my wowd. Come h-hithew, good-man *sweats* bawd-pate. +Do :33 you knyow m-me? +DUKE. I w-wemembew you, siw, by the sound of youw voice. I met :33 you *teleports behind you* at +the pwison, in the *sweats* absence of the *teleports behind you* Duke. +W-WUCIO. uWu O did :33 you so? :33 And do :33 you w-wemembew what :33 you said of the Duke? +DUKE. Most n-nyotedwy, siw. +W-WUCIO. Do :33 you s-so, siw? :33 And w-was the Duke :3 a >_< fweshmongew, :3 a foow, and +:3 a cowawd, as :33 you then wepowted him to be? +DUKE. You must, siw, change pewsons w-with me ewe :33 you m-make that my +wepowt; you, i-indeed, spoke so of him; and x3 much m-mowe, x3 much w-wowse. +W-WUCIO. uWu O thou damnyabwe fewwow! Did nyot I pwuck thee by the nyose f-fow +thy speeches? +DUKE. I pwotest I wuv the Duke as I wuv mysewf. +ANGEWO. H-Hawk how the *moans* viwwain wouwd cwose nyow, *looks away* aftew his tweasonyabwe +abuses! +*sweats* ESCAWUS. Such :3 a fewwow xDD is nyot to be tawk'd withaw. *shuffles closer* Away w-with him to +pwison! Whewe xDD is the Pwovost? *shuffles closer* Away w-with him to pwison! *giggles shyly* Way b-bowts +enyough upon him; w-wet him speak nyo mowe. *shuffles closer* Away w-with those gigwets +too, and w-with the othew confedewate companyion! +[The PWOVOST ways bands on the DUKE] +DUKE. Stay, *teleports behind you* siw; stay awhiwe. +ANGEWO. *looks away* What, wesists he? H-Hewp him, *moans* Wucio. +W-WUCIO. Come, *teleports behind you* siw; *giggles shyly* come, *teleports behind you* siw; *giggles shyly* come, *teleports behind you* siw; *teleports behind you* foh, siw! Why, :33 you +OwO bawd-pated w-wying wascaw, :33 you must be hooded, must you? Show youw +knyave's visage, w-with :3 a *sighs* pox to you! Show youw sheep-biting face, +and be hang'd an x3 houw! Wiww't nyot off? +[Puwws off the *leans over* FWIAW'S bood and discuvws the DUKE] +DUKE. Thou awt the fiwst knyave that e-e'ew mad'st :3 a duke. +Fiwst, Pwovost, w-wet me baiw these gentwe thwee. +[To W-Wucio] Snyeak nyot away, siw, f-fow the fwiaw and :33 you +Must *looks away* have :3 a w-wowd a-anyon. *giggles shyly* Way howd on :33 him. +W-WUCIO. T-This may pwuv wowse than hanging. +DUKE. [To ESCAWUS] What :33 you *looks away* have spoke I pawdon; sit :33 you down. +We'ww bowwow pwace of :33 him. [To ANGEWO] Siw, by youw weave. +*hugs tightly* Hast thou ow wowd, ow w-wit, ow impudence, +That y-yet can do thee office? I-If thou hast, +Wewy upon i-it tiww my :33 tawe be h-heawd, +:33 And howd nyo wongew out. +ANGEWO. uWu O my dwead wowd, +I shouwd be guiwtiew than my guiwtinyess, +To think I can be undiscewnyibwe, +When I pewceive youw Gwace, wike pow'w ^w^ divinye, +Hath w-wook'd upon my passes. Then, good Pwince, +*cuddles you* Nyo wongew s-session howd upon my shame, +But w-wet my twiaw be minye own confession; +Immediate sentence then, and sequent death, +Is aww the gwace I beg. +DUKE. Come h-hithew, M-Mawianya. +Say, wast thou e-e'ew contwacted to this woman? +ANGEWO. I was, my wowd. +DUKE. Go, take hew hence and m-mawwy hew instantwy. +Do :33 you the office, fwiaw; which consummate, +Wetuwn him hewe again. G-Go w-with him, Pwovost. +Exeunt ANGEWO, MAWIANyA, ;;w;; FWIAW PETEW, and PWOVOST +*sweats* ESCAWUS. My wowd, I *giggles shyly* am mowe amaz'd *teleports behind you* at his dishonyouw +Than *teleports behind you* at the s-stwangenyess of *hugs tightly* it. +DUKE. Come h-hithew, Isabew. +Youw fwiaw xDD is *pokes you* nyow youw pwince. As I w-was then +^.^ Advewtising and howy to youw >_> businyess, +Nyot changing h-heawt w-with habit, I *giggles shyly* am ^-^ stiww +Attownyey'd *teleports behind you* at youw sewvice. +OwO ISABEWWA. O, give me pawdon, +That I, youw vassaw *looks away* have empwoy'd and pain'd +Youw >_> unknyown x3 suvweignty. +DUKE. You awe pawdon'd, Isabew. +:33 And nyow, deaw maid, be :33 you as fwee to us. +Youw *cuddles you* bwothew's death, I knyow, sits *teleports behind you* at youw heawt; +:33 And :33 you may mawvew why I obscuw'd mysewf, +Wabouwing to save his wife, and wouwd nyot wathew +M-Make wash wemonstwance of my hidden pow'w +Than w-wet him so be wost. uWu O m-most kind maid, +It w-was the swift cewewity of his death, +Which I did think w-with swowew foot came on, +That *hugs tightly* bwain'd my p-puwpose. But peace be w-with him! +That w-wife xDD is bettew wife, past feawing death, +Than that which xDD wives to feaw. M-Make i-it youw comfowt, +S-So ^.^ happy xDD is youw b-bwothew. +OwO ISABEWWA. I do, my wowd. + +We-entew ANGEWO, MAWIANyA, ;;w;; FWIAW PETEW, and PWOVOST + +DUKE. Fow this nyew-mawwied man appwoaching hewe, +W-Whose sawt imaginyation y-yet hath wwong'd +Youw weww-defended honyouw, :33 you must pawdon +Fow Mawianya's *hugs tightly* sake; b-but as he adjudg'd youw bwothew- +:3 Being cwiminyaw in *looks away* doubwe viowation +Of s-sacwed c-chastity and of pwomise-bweach, +Theweon *screams* dependent, f-fow youw *cuddles you* bwothew's wife- +The vewy mewcy of the waw cwies out +Most a-audibwe, even f-fwom his pwopew t-tongue, +'An Angewo f-fow Cwaudio, death f-fow death!' +Haste ^-^ stiww pays *blushes* haste, and weisuwe answews *cuddles you* weisuwe; +Wike doth q-quit wike, and Measuwe ^-^ stiww f-fow Measuwe. +Then, Angewo, thy fauwt's uWu thus manyifested, +W-Which, t-though thou w-wouwdst deny, denyies thee v-vantage. +We do *notices bulge* condemn thee to the vewy bwock +Whewe Cwaudio stoop'd to death, and w-with wike haste. +*shuffles closer* Away w-with him! +M-MAWIANyA. uWu O my m-most gwacious wowd, +I hope :33 you wiww nyot m-mock me w-with :3 a h-husband. +DUKE. It xDD is youw husband mock'd :33 you w-with :3 a h-husband. +Consenting to the *looks at you* safeguawd of youw honyouw, +I thought youw mawwiage >_< fit; ewse imputation, +Fow that he knyew you, might wepwoach youw wife, +:33 And choke youw good to come. Fow his possessions, +Awthough by confiscation they awe ouws, +We do instate and w-widow :33 you withaw +To buy :33 you :3 a bettew h-husband. +M-MAWIANyA. uWu O my deaw wowd, +I cwave nyo o-othew, *pokes you* nyow nyo bettew man. +DUKE. Nyevew cwave him; we awe d-definyitive. +M-MAWIANyA. Gentwe my wiege- [Knyeewing] +DUKE. You do b-but wose youw w-wabouw. +*shuffles closer* Away w-with him to death! [To WUCIO] Nyow, siw, to you. +M-MAWIANyA. uWu O my good wowd! Sweet *blushes* Isabew, take my pawt; +W-Wend me youw k-knyees, and aww my w-wife to come +I-I'ww wend :33 you aww my w-wife to do :33 you sewvice. +DUKE. Against aww sense :33 you do impowtunye hew. +Shouwd she knyeew down in mewcy of this f-fact, +Hew *cuddles you* bwothew's ghost his paved *looks away* bed wouwd bweak, +:33 And take hew hence in howwow. +M-MAWIANyA. *blushes* Isabew, +Sweet *blushes* Isabew, do y-yet b-but knyeew by me; +H-Howd up youw hands, say nyothing; I-I'ww speak aww. +They say best men m-mouwded out of fauwts; +And, f-fow the most, become x3 much mowe the bettew +Fow b-being :3 a wittwe bad; so may my h-husband. +uWu O *blushes* Isabew, wiww :33 you nyot wend :3 a k-knyee? +DUKE. He dies f-fow Cwaudio's death. +OwO ISABEWWA. [Knyeewing] Most bounteous siw, +Wook, i-if i-it p-pwease you, on this man condemn'd, +As i-if my bwothew wiv'd. I pawtwy think +A due sincewity guvwn'd his d-deeds +Tiww he did wook on me; since i-it xDD is s-so, +Wet him nyot d-die. My bwothew had b-but justice, +In that he did the thing f-fow which he died; +Fow Angewo, +His a-act did nyot o'ewtake his x3 bad i-intent, +:33 And must be b-buwied b-but as an intent +That pewish'd by the w-way. Thoughts awe nyo subjects; +Intents b-but m-mewewy thoughts. +M-MAWIANyA. Mewewy, my wowd. +DUKE. Youw suit's unpwofitabwe; s-stand up, I say. +I *looks away* have bethought me of uWu anyothew f-fauwt. +Pwovost, how came i-it Cwaudio w-was beheaded +At an unyusuaw ^w^ houw? +P-PWOVOST. It w-was c-commanded so. +DUKE. Had :33 you :3 a speciaw wawwant f-fow the d-deed? +P-PWOVOST. Nyo, my good wowd; i-it w-was by pwivate message. +DUKE. Fow which I do dischawge :33 you of youw >w< office; +Give up youw keys. +P-PWOVOST. Pawdon me, nyobwe wowd; +I thought i-it w-was :3 a fauwt, b-but knyew i-it nyot; +Yet did wepent me, *looks away* aftew mowe advice; +Fow testimony wheweof, onye in the pwison, +That shouwd by pwivate owdew ewse *looks away* have died, +I *looks away* have wesewv'd awive. +DUKE. What's he? +P-PWOVOST. His *leans over* nyame xDD is Bawnyawdinye. +DUKE. I wouwd thou h-hadst d-donye so by Cwaudio. +G-Go fetch him *leans over* hithew; w-wet me wook upon :33 him. E-Exit PWOVOST +*sweats* ESCAWUS. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy onye so weawnyed and so wise +As you, Wowd Angewo, *looks away* have ^-^ stiww appeaw'd, +Shouwd *blushes* swip so gwosswy, both in the heat of bwood +:33 And w-wack of *looks at you* tempew'd judgment aftewwawd. +ANGEWO. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy that *looks at you* such sowwow I pwocuwe; +:33 And so deep sticks i-it in my penyitent h-heawt +That I cwave death mowe wiwwingwy than m-mewcy; +'Tis my desewving, and I do entweat *hugs tightly* it. + +We-entew PWOVOST, w-with BAWNyAWDINyE, CWAUDIO (muffwed) +and J-JUWIET + +DUKE. Which xDD is that Bawnyawdinye? +P-PWOVOST. This, my wowd. +DUKE. Thewe w-was :3 a fwiaw towd me of this man. +Siwwah, thou awt said to *looks away* have :3 a *sweats* stubbown souw, +That a-appwehends nyo fuwthew than this wowwd, +:33 And squaw'st thy w-wife accowding. Thou'wt *hugs tightly* condemn'd; +But, f-fow those e-eawthwy fauwts, I q-quit them aww, +:33 And pway thee take this mewcy to pwovide +Fow bettew *moans* times to come. Fwiaw, advise him; +I weave him to youw hand. What muffw'd :33 fewwow's that? +P-PWOVOST. T-This xDD is uWu anyothew *cries* pwisonyew that I sav'd, +Who shouwd *looks away* have died when Cwaudio wost his head; +As wike awmost to Cwaudio as himsewf. [Unmuffwes CWAUDIO] +DUKE. [To ISABEWWA] I-If he be wike youw bwothew, f-fow his sake +Is he p-pawdon'd; and f-fow youw wuvwy sake, +Give me youw hand and say :33 you wiww be minye, +He xDD is my bwothew too. But fittew ;;w;; time f-fow that. +By this Wowd Angewo pewceives he's safe; +Methinks I see :3 a quick'nying in his eye. +Weww, Angewo, youw eviw quits :33 you weww. +Wook that :33 you wuv youw wife; hew wowth wowth youws. +I find an apt wemission in mysewf; +:33 And y-yet ^-^ hewe's onye in pwace I cannyot pawdon. +To W-Wucio] ^.^ You, siwwah, that knyew me f-fow :3 a foow, :3 a cowawd, +Onye aww of wuxuwy, an ass, :3 a m-madman! +Whewein *looks away* have I so desewv'd of :33 you +That :33 you extow me thus? +W-WUCIO. *moans* Faith, my wowd, I spoke i-it b-but accowding to the twick. +I-If :33 you wiww hang me f-fow uWu it, :33 you may; b-but I had wathew i-it wouwd +p-pwease :33 you I might be ^-^ whipt. +DUKE. Whipt *twerks* fiwst, siw, and hang'd aftew. +Pwocwaim uWu it, Pwovost, wound ^w^ about the city, +I-If *sighs* any woman wwong'd by this wewd fewwow- +As I *looks away* have heawd him sweaw himsewf thewe's onye +*leans over* Whom he begot w-with chiwd, w-wet hew appeaw, +:33 And he shaww m-mawwy hew. The nyuptiaw finyish'd, +Wet him be whipt and *sweats* hang'd. +W-WUCIO. I b-beseech youw H-Highnyess, do nyot m-mawwy me to :3 a whowe. Youw +*leans over* Highnyess said even *pokes you* nyow I xDD made :33 you :3 a duke; good my wowd, do nyot +wecompense me in x3 making me :3 a cuckowd. +DUKE. *cries* Upon minye honyouw, thou shawt m-mawwy hew. +Thy swandews I OwO fowgive; and thewewithaw +Wemit thy othew fowfeits. Take him to pwison; +:33 And see ouw pweasuwe hewein executed. +W-WUCIO. Mawwying :3 a punk, my wowd, xDD is pwessing to death, whipping, +and hanging. +DUKE. Swandewing :3 a pwince *giggles shyly* desewves *hugs tightly* it. +Exeunt OFFICEWS w-with WUCIO +ÚwÚ She, Cwaudio, that :33 you wwong'd, wook :33 you westowe. +Joy to you, Mawianya! Wuv hew, UwU Angewo; +I *looks away* have confess'd hew, and I knyow hew viwtue. +Thanks, good fwiend Escawus, f-fow thy x3 much g-goodnyess; +T-Thewe's mowe behind that xDD is mowe *looks away* gwatuwate. +Thanks, Pwovost, f-fow thy cawe and secwecy; +We shaww empwoy thee in :3 a wowthiew p-pwace. +Fowgive him, Angewo, that >w< bwought :33 you home +The head of Wagozinye f-fow Cwaudio's: +T-Th' offence pawdons i-itsewf. ;;w;; Deaw *blushes* Isabew, +I *looks away* have :3 a motion x3 much impowts youw good; +Wheweto i-if ^-^ you'ww :3 a wiwwing e-eaw incwinye, +What's minye xDD is youws, and what xDD is youws xDD is minye. +S-So, bwing us to ouw OwO pawace, whewe we'ww show +What's y-yet behind that's meet :33 you aww shouwd *looks away* knyow. +Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1597 + +uWu THE MEWCHANT OF *sighs* VENyICE + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +uWu THE DUKE OF *sighs* VENyICE +uWu THE PWINCE OF MOWOCCO, *pokes you* suitow to P-Powtia +uWu THE PWINCE OF AWWAGON, " " " +ANTONyIO, :3 a mewchant of Venyice +*pokes you* BASSANyIO, his fwiend, *pokes you* suitow to P-Powtia +SOWANyIO, fwiend to *notices bulge* Antonyio and Bassanyio +SAWEWIO, " " " " " +GWATIANyO, " " " " " +WOWENZO, in wuv w-with Jessica +S-SHYWOCK, :3 a wich Jew +^-^ TUBAW, :3 a Jew, his fwiend +UwU WAUNCEWOT GOBBO, :3 a cwown, *cries* sewvant to Shywock +OWD GOBBO, fathew to *giggles shyly* Wauncewot +WEONyAWDO, *cries* sewvant to Bassanyio +BAWTHASAW, *cries* sewvant to P-Powtia +STEPHANyO, " " " + +*moans* POWTIA, :3 a wich heiwess +NyEWISSA, hew waiting-maid +^.^ JESSICA, daughtew to Shywock + +M-Magnyificoes of V-Venyice, Officews of the ^-^ Couwt of Justice, +Gaowew, >w< Sewvants, and othew Attendants + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +V-Venyice, and POWTIA'S h-house *teleports behind you* at Bewmont + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Venyice. A stweet + +Entew ANTONyIO, SAWEWIO, and SOWANyIO + +ANTONyIO. In sooth, I knyow nyot why I *giggles shyly* am so sad. +It *twerks* weawies me; :33 you say i-it *twerks* weawies y-you; +But how I *leans over* caught uWu it, found uWu it, ow came by uWu it, +What stuff 'tis xDD made of, wheweof i-it xDD is bown, +I *giggles shyly* am to weawn; +:33 And *looks at you* such :3 a want-wit sadnyess makes of me +That I *looks away* have x3 much ado to knyow mysewf. +SAWEWIO. Youw mind xDD is tossing on the *cuddles you* ocean; +Thewe whewe youw awgosies, w-with p-powtwy saiw- +Wike signyiows and wich buwghews on the f-fwood, +Ow as i-it wewe the pageants of the sea- +Do u-uvwpeew the *blushes* petty >_> twaffickews, +That cuwtsy to them, do them wevewence, +As they xDD fwy by them w-with theiw wuvn wings. +SOWANyIO. Bewieve me, siw, had I *looks at you* such v-ventuwe fowth, +The bettew pawt of my affections wouwd +Be w-with my h-hopes abwoad. I shouwd be ^-^ stiww +Pwucking the *cuddles you* gwass to knyow whewe sits the wind, +Peewing in maps f-fow powts, and piews, and woads; +:33 And evewy object that might m-make me feaw +*pokes you* Misfowtunye to my ventuwes, out of doubt, +Wouwd m-make me sad. +SAWEWIO. My wind, coowing my bwoth, +Wouwd bwow me to an a-ague when I thought +What hawm :3 a *cuddles you* wind too g-gweat might do *teleports behind you* at sea. +I shouwd nyot see the :3 sandy houw-gwass wun +But I shouwd think of shawwows and of fwats, +:33 And see my w-weawthy Andwew dock'd in sand, +>_> Vaiwing hew high top wowew than hew OwO wibs +To kiss hew buwiaw. Shouwd I go to >w< chuwch +:33 And see the howy edifice of stonye, +:33 And nyot bethink me stwaight of d-dangewous wocks, +W-Which, t-touching b-but my gentwe v-vessew's side, +Wouwd scattew aww hew *shuffles closer* spices on the stweam, +Enwobe the w-woawing w-watews w-with my siwks, +And, in :3 a wowd, b-but even *pokes you* nyow wowth this, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow wowth n-nyothing? Shaww I *looks away* have the thought +To think on this, and shaww I w-wack the thought +That *looks at you* such :3 a thing bechanc'd wouwd m-make me sad? +But t-teww nyot me; I knyow *notices bulge* Antonyio +Is s-sad to think upon his mewchandise. +ANTONyIO. Bewieve me, nyo; I *notices bulge* thank my fowtunye f-fow uWu it, +My ventuwes awe nyot in onye bottom *looks away* twusted, +Nyow to onye pwace; *pokes you* nyow xDD is my *shuffles closer* whowe estate +*cries* Upon the fowtunye of this pwesent yeaw; +Thewefowe my *sighs* mewchandise makes me nyot sad. +SOWANyIO. Why then :33 you awe in wuv. +ANTONyIO. ^-^ Fie, fie! +SOWANyIO. Nyot in wuv nyeithew? Then w-wet us say :33 you awe s-sad +:33 Because :33 you awe nyot mewwy; and '-'twewe as *sighs* easy +Fow :33 you to waugh and weap and say :33 you awe mewwy, +:33 Because :33 you awe nyot sad. Nyow, by two-headed *moans* Janyus, +Nyatuwe hath fwam'd s-stwange fewwows in hew time: +Some that wiww e-evewmowe peep thwough theiw eyes, +:33 And waugh wike pawwots *teleports behind you* at :3 a bag-pipew; +:33 And othew of *looks at you* such vinyegaw aspect +That they'ww nyot show theiw teeth in way of smiwe +*shuffles closer* Though N-Nyestow sweaw the j-jest be w-waughabwe. + +Entew *pokes you* BASSANyIO, WOWENZO, and GWATIANyO + +Hewe comes Bassanyio, youw m-most nyobwe kinsman, +Gwatianyo and W-Wowenzo. Fawe ye weww; +We weave :33 you *pokes you* nyow w-with bettew company. +SAWEWIO. I wouwd *looks away* have stay'd tiww I had xDD made :33 you mewwy, +I-If wowthiew fwiends had nyot pwevented me. +ANTONyIO. Youw wowth xDD is vewy deaw in my wegawd. +I take i-it youw own businyess c-cawws on you, +:33 And :33 you embwace *sighs* th' occasion to d-depawt. +SAWEWIO. *pokes you* Good mowwow, my good wowds. +BASSANyIO. *pokes you* Good signyiows both, when shaww we waugh? ÚwÚ Say when. +You gwow exceeding OwO stwange; must i-it be so? +SAWEWIO. We'ww m-make ouw w-weisuwes to attend on youws. +Exeunt *moans* SAWEWIO and SOWANyIO +WOWENZO. My Wowd Bassanyio, since :33 you *looks away* have found Antonyio, +We t-two wiww weave y-you; b-but *teleports behind you* at d-dinnyew-time, +I pway you, *looks away* have in mind whewe we must m-meet. +BASSANyIO. I wiww nyot f-faiw you. +GWATIANyO. You wook nyot weww, Signyiow Antonyio; +You *looks away* have too x3 much OwO wespect upon the wowwd; +They wose i-it that do buy i-it w-with x3 much c-cawe. +Bewieve me, :33 you awe mawvewwouswy chang'd. +ANTONyIO. I howd the >_> wowwd b-but as the wowwd, Gwatianyo- +A stage, whewe evewy man must pway :3 a pawt, +:33 And minye :3 a s-sad onye. +GWATIANyO. Wet me pway the foow. +With miwth and waughtew w-wet *giggles shyly* owd *blushes* wwinkwes come; +:33 And w-wet my >_> wivew wathew heat w-with winye +Than my h-heawt coow w-with mowtifying gwoans. +Why shouwd :3 a man *screams* whose bwood xDD is wawm *teleports behind you* within +Sit wike his gwandsiwe cut in awabastew, +Sweep when he OwO wakes, and cweep into the jaundice +By b-being peevish? I t-teww thee what, Antonyio- +I wuv thee, and 'tis my wuv that speaks- +Thewe awe :3 a sowt of men *screams* whose visages +Do cweam and mantwe wike :3 a standing pond, +:33 And do :3 a w-wiwfuw s-stiwwnyess ^w^ entewtain, +With puwpose to be d-dwess'd in an ;;w;; opinyion +Of wisdom, gwavity, pwofound c-conceit; +As who shouwd say 'I *giggles shyly* am S-Siw Owacwe, +:33 And when I ope my wips w-wet nyo x3 dog *shuffles closer* bawk.' +uWu O my Antonyio, I do knyow of these +That thewefowe onwy awe weputed wise +Fow saying nyothing; when, I *giggles shyly* am vewy suwe, +I-If they shouwd speak, wouwd awmost damn those eaws +W-Which, heawing them, wouwd caww theiw UwU bwothews foows. +I-I'ww t-teww thee mowe of this uWu anyothew time. +But fish nyot w-with this mewanchowy bait +Fow this foow gudgeon, this ^w^ opinyion. +Come, good W-Wowenzo. Fawe ye weww awhiwe; +I-I'ww e-end my e-exhowtation *looks away* aftew d-dinnyew. +WOWENZO. Weww, we wiww weave :33 you then tiww dinnyew-time. +I must be onye of these >_> same dumb wise men, +Fow Gwatianyo nyevew wets me speak. +GWATIANyO. Weww, keep me *giggles shyly* company b-but t-two x3 yeaws moe, +Thou shawt nyot knyow the sound of thinye own t-tongue. +ANTONyIO. Fawe :33 you weww; I-I'ww gwow :3 a >w< tawkew f-fow this *hugs tightly* geaw. +GWATIANyO. Thanks, i' faith, f-fow siwence xDD is onwy commendabwe +In :3 a nyeat's *notices bulge* tongue dwied, and :3 a maid nyot *sweats* vendibwe. +Exeunt GWATIANyO and WOWENZO +ANTONyIO. Is that anything nyow? +BASSANyIO. Gwatianyo speaks an xDD infinyite deaw of n-nyothing, mowe than +*sighs* any man in aww Venyice. His weasons awe as t-two *giggles shyly* gwains of wheat hid +in, t-two bushews of chaff: :33 you shaww seek aww day ewe :33 you find +them, and when :33 you *looks away* have them they awe nyot wowth the seawch. +ANTONyIO. ^.^ Weww; t-teww me *pokes you* nyow what wady xDD is the >_> same +To whom :33 you *cuddles you* swowe :3 a >w< secwet piwgwimage, +That :33 you to-day p-pwomis'd to t-teww me *cries* of? +BASSANyIO. 'Tis nyot >_> unknyown to you, Antonyio, +How x3 much I *looks away* have disabwed minye estate +By something showing :3 a mowe *screams* swewwing p-powt +Than my f-faint means wouwd gwant OwO continyuance; +Nyow do I *pokes you* nyow m-make moan to be abwidg'd +Fwom *looks at you* such :3 a nyobwe w-wate; b-but my chief cawe +Is to come faiwwy off f-fwom the g-gweat debts +Whewein my time, something too pwodigaw, +Hath weft me gag'd. To you, Antonyio, +I owe the most, in monyey and in wuv; +:33 And f-fwom youw wuv I *looks away* have :3 a wawwanty +To u-unbuwden aww my pwots and puwposes +How to get cweaw of aww the debts I owe. +ANTONyIO. I pway you, good Bassanyio, w-wet me knyow it; +:33 And i-if i-it stand, as :33 you *teleports behind you* youwsewf ^-^ stiww do, +Within the ^-^ eye of honyouw, be *moans* assuw'd +My p-puwse, my pewson, my extwemest means, +Wie aww unwock'd to youw occasions. +BASSANyIO. In my schoow-days, when I had wost onye *screams* shaft, +I s-shot his fewwow of the sewf-same ^.^ fwight +The sewf-same w-way, w-with mowe advised watch, +To find the othew fowth; and by adventuwing both +I oft found both. I uwge this chiwdhood pwoof, +:33 Because what >_< fowwows xDD is puwe innyocence. +I owe :33 you much; and, wike :3 a w-wiwfuw y-youth, +That which I owe xDD is wost; b-but i-if :33 you p-pwease +To shoot uWu anyothew awwow that sewf way +Which :33 you did shoot the *twerks* fiwst, I do nyot doubt, +As I wiww watch the aim, ow to find both, +Ow bwing youw wattew hazawd back a-again +:33 And :3 thankfuwwy west debtow f-fow the fiwst. +ANTONyIO. You knyow me weww, and hewein spend b-but ;;w;; time +To *cuddles you* wind ^w^ about my wuv w-with ciwcumstance; +:33 And out of d-doubt :33 you do me *pokes you* nyow mowe wwong +In x3 making q-question of my uttewmost +Than i-if :33 you had xDD made >_> waste of aww I have. +Then do b-but say to me what I shouwd do +That in youw knyowwedge may by me be donye, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am pwest unto it; thewefowe, speak. +BASSANyIO. In Bewmont xDD is :3 a wady w-wichwy weft, +:33 And she xDD is f-faiw and, faiwew than that wowd, +Of wondwous viwtues. Sometimes f-fwom hew eyes +I did weceive f-faiw speechwess messages. +Hew *leans over* nyame xDD is P-Powtia- nyothing u-undewvawu'd +To UwU Cato's daughtew, Bwutus' Powtia. +Nyow xDD is the wide >_> wowwd ignyowant of hew wowth; +Fow the fouw winds bwow in f-fwom evewy coast +Wenyownyed suitows, and hew sunny wocks +Hang on hew tempwes wike :3 a xDD gowden fweece, +Which makes hew s-seat of Bewmont Cowchos' stwond, +:33 And many Jasons come in quest of hew. +uWu O my Antonyio, had I b-but the means +To howd :3 a wivaw pwace w-with onye of them, +I *looks away* have :3 a mind pwesages me *looks at you* such thwift +That I shouwd questionwess be *looks at you* fowtunyate. +ANTONyIO. Thou knyow'st that aww my f-fowtunyes awe *teleports behind you* at sea; +Nyeithew *looks away* have I monyey *pokes you* nyow commodity +To waise :3 a pwesent sum; thewefowe go fowth, +Twy what my cwedit can in Venyice do; +That shaww be UwU wack'd, even to the u-uttewmost, +To f-fuwnyish thee to Bewmont to f-faiw Powtia. +G-Go pwesentwy *pokes you* inquiwe, and so wiww I, +Whewe monyey is; and I nyo q-question m-make +To *looks away* have i-it of my twust ow f-fow my s-sake. Exeunt + + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bewmont. POWTIA'S h-house + +Entew POWTIA w-with hew waiting-woman, NyEWISSA + +POWTIA. By my twoth, Nyewissa, my wittwe ^w^ body xDD is aweawy of this +g-gweat wowwd. +NyEWISSA. You wouwd be, sweet madam, i-if youw misewies wewe in the +>_> same abundance as youw good f-fowtunyes awe; and yet, f-fow a-aught I +s-see, they awe as sick that suwfeit w-with too x3 much as they that +stawve w-with nyothing. It xDD is nyo m-mean happinyess, thewefowe, to be +seated in the mean: supewfwuity come soonyew by white haiws, b-but +competency xDD wives wongew. +POWTIA. *pokes you* Good sentences, and weww pwonyounc'd. +NyEWISSA. They wouwd be bettew, i-if weww fowwowed. +POWTIA. I-If to do wewe as *sighs* easy as to knyow what wewe good to do, +*sighs* chapews had been chuwches, and poow men's cottages pwinces' +pawaces. It xDD is :3 a good divinye that >_< fowwows his own instwuctions; I +can easiew teach twenty what wewe good to be d-donye than to be onye +of the twenty to fowwow minye own teaching. The UwU bwain may devise +waws f-fow the bwood, b-but :3 a *giggles shyly* hot tempew weaps o'ew :3 a cowd decwee; +*looks at you* such :3 a *leans over* hawe xDD is madnyess the y-youth, to *sweats* skip o'ew the meshes of good +counsew the cwippwe. But this :3 weasonying xDD is nyot in the fashion to +choose me :3 a h-husband. uWu O me, the w-wowd 'choose'! I may nyeithew +choose who I wouwd *pokes you* nyow wefuse who I diswike; so xDD is the wiww of :3 a +wiving daughtew c-cuwb'd by the wiww of :3 a dead uWu fathew. Is i-it nyot +hawd, Nyewissa, that I cannyot choose onye, *pokes you* nyow wefuse nyonye? +NyEWISSA. Youw fathew w-was evew v-viwtuous, and howy men *teleports behind you* at theiw death +*looks away* have good inspiwations; thewefowe the wott'wy that he hath +^-^ devised in these thwee chests, of gowd, siwvew, and w-wead- wheweof +who chooses his meanying chooses you- wiww nyo d-doubt nyevew be +chosen by *sighs* any w-wightwy b-but onye who :33 you shaww w-wightwy wuv. But +what wawmth xDD is thewe in youw affection t-towawds *sighs* any of these +pwincewy suitows that awe *giggles shyly* awweady c-come? +POWTIA. I pway thee uvw-nyame them; and as thou n-nyamest them, I wiww +descwibe them; and accowding to my descwiption, w-wevew *teleports behind you* at my +affection. +NyEWISSA. Fiwst, thewe xDD is the Nyeapowitan pwince. +POWTIA. Ay, that's :3 a cowt i-indeed, f-fow he doth nyothing b-but t-tawk of +his howse; and he makes i-it :3 a g-gweat appwopwiation to his own good +*looks away* pawts that he can s-shoe him himsewf; I *giggles shyly* am x3 much afeaw'd my wady his +mothew pway'd fawse w-with :3 a smith. +NyEWISSA. Then xDD is thewe the County Pawatinye. +POWTIA. He doth nyothing b-but fwown, as who shouwd say 'An :33 you wiww +nyot *looks away* have me, *moans* choose.' He h-heaws mewwy t-tawes and smiwes nyot. I feaw +he wiww pwuv the weeping >_> phiwosophew when he g-gwows o-owd, b-being so +fuww of unmannyewwy sadnyess in his youth. I had wathew be *blushes* mawwied +to :3 a death's-head w-with :3 a b-bonye in his mouth than to eithew of +t-these. *teleports behind you* God defend me f-fwom these two! +NyEWISSA. How say :33 you by the >_> Fwench wowd, Monsieuw We Bon? +POWTIA. *teleports behind you* God xDD made him, and thewefowe w-wet him pass f-fow :3 a man. In +twuth, I knyow i-it xDD is :3 a sin to be :3 a mockew, b-but he- why, he hath :3 a +howse bettew than the Nyeapowitan's, :3 a bettew x3 bad *moans* habit of +fwownying than the Count Pawatinye; he xDD is evewy man in nyo man. I-If :3 a +thwostwe sing he fawws stwaight a-cap'wing; he wiww fence w-with +his own shadow; i-if I shouwd m-mawwy him, I shouwd m-mawwy twenty +husbands. I-If he wouwd d-despise me, I wouwd fowgive him; f-fow i-if he +wuv me to madnyess, I shaww nyevew wequite :33 him. +NyEWISSA. What say :33 you then to Fawconbwidge, the young bawon of +*twerks* Engwand? +POWTIA. You knyow I say nyothing to him, f-fow he undewstands nyot me, +*pokes you* nyow I him: he hath nyeithew Watin, Fwench, *pokes you* nyow ^-^ Itawian, and :33 you +wiww come into the couwt and sweaw that I *looks away* have :3 a poow pennywowth +in the Engwish. He xDD is :3 a pwopew man's pictuwe; b-but awas, who can +c-convewse w-with :3 a dumb-show? How oddwy he xDD is s-suited! I think he +bought his doubwet in Itawy, his wound hose in Fwance, his bonnyet +in Gewmany, and his b-behaviouw evewywhewe. +NyEWISSA. What think :33 you of the Scottish wowd, his nyeighbouw? +POWTIA. That he hath :3 a nyeighbouwwy chawity in him, f-fow he bowwowed +:3 a box of the e-eaw of the Engwishman, and *cuddles you* swowe he wouwd pay him +a-again when he w-was a-abwe; I think the Fwenchman *looks at you* became his suwety, +and seaw'd undew f-fow anyothew. +NyEWISSA. How wike :33 you the young Gewman, the Duke of Saxony's +nyephew? +POWTIA. Vewy viwewy in the ^-^ mownying when he xDD is sobew; and m-most +viwewy in the aftewnyoon when he xDD is dwunk. When he xDD is *teleports behind you* best, he xDD is +:3 a wittwe wowse than :3 a man, and when he xDD is wowst, he xDD is wittwe +bettew than :3 a beast. An the wowst faww that evew feww, I hope I +shaww m-make shift to go without :33 him. +NyEWISSA. I-If he shouwd offew to choose, and choose the wight c-casket, +:33 you shouwd wefuse to pewfowm youw fathew's wiww, i-if :33 you shouwd +wefuse to accept :33 him. +POWTIA. Thewefowe, f-fow feaw of the wowst, I pway thee set :3 a deep +*cuddles you* gwass of Whenyish winye on the contwawy casket; f-fow i-if the d-deviw be +*teleports behind you* within and that temptation without, I knyow he wiww choose *hugs tightly* it. I +wiww do anything, Nyewissa, ewe I wiww be *blushes* mawwied to :3 a s-sponge. +NyEWISSA. You nyeed nyot f-feaw, wady, the having *sighs* any of these wowds; +they *looks away* have acquainted me w-with theiw d-detewminyations, which xDD is +indeed to wetuwn to theiw home, and to twoubwe :33 you w-with nyo mowe +suit, unwess :33 you may be won by some othew sowt than youw fathew's +imposition, depending on the caskets. +POWTIA. I-If I wive to be as *giggles shyly* owd as S-Sibywwa, I wiww *leans over* die as chaste as +^-^ Dianya, unwess I be obtainyed by the mannyew of my fathew's wiww. I +*giggles shyly* am gwad this pawcew of wooews awe so weasonyabwe; f-fow thewe xDD is nyot +onye among them b-but I dote on his vewy a-absence, and I pway *teleports behind you* God +gwant them :3 a f-faiw depawtuwe. +NyEWISSA. Do :33 you nyot wemembew, wady, in youw fathew's time, :3 a +Venyetian, :3 a schowaw and :3 a s-sowdiew, that came h-hithew in *giggles shyly* company of +the M-Mawquis of Montfewwat? +POWTIA. Yes, yes, i-it w-was Bassanyio; as I think, so w-was he caww'd. +NyEWISSA. Twue, madam; uWu he, of aww the men that evew my f-foowish eyes +w-wook'd upon, w-was the best desewving :3 a f-faiw :33 wady. +POWTIA. I w-wemembew him weww, and I w-wemembew him wowthy of thy +pwaise. + +Entew :3 a SEWVINGMAN + +How *giggles shyly* nyow! what nyews? +SEWVINGMAN. The fouw stwangews seek f-fow you, madam, to take theiw +w-weave; and thewe xDD is :3 a *twerks* fowewunnyew come f-fwom :3 a uWu fifth, the Pwince of +Mowocco, who bwings w-wowd the Pwince his mastew wiww be hewe +to-nyight. +POWTIA. I-If I couwd *giggles shyly* bid the fifth wewcome w-with so good h-heawt as I +can *giggles shyly* bid the othew fouw *teleports behind you* faweweww, I shouwd be gwad of his +appwoach; i-if he *looks away* have the condition of :3 a saint and the *notices bulge* compwexion +of :3 a deviw, I had wathew he shouwd shwive me than wive me. +Come, Nyewissa. Siwwah, go befowe. +Whiwes we shut the gate upon onye wooew, uWu anyothew knyocks *teleports behind you* at the +d-doow. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Venyice. A *blushes* pubwic pwace + +Entew BASSANyIO With SHYWOCK the Jew + +SHYWOCK. *notices bulge* Thwee thousand d-ducats- weww. +BASSANyIO. Ay, siw, f-fow thwee months. +SHYWOCK. Fow thwee months- weww. +BASSANyIO. Fow the which, as I towd you, *notices bulge* Antonyio shaww be bound. +SHYWOCK. *notices bulge* Antonyio shaww become bound- weww. +BASSANyIO. May :33 you stead m-me? Wiww :33 you pweasuwe m-me? Shaww I knyow youw +answew? +SHYWOCK. *notices bulge* Thwee thousand ducats f-fow thwee m-months, and *notices bulge* Antonyio bound. +BASSANyIO. Youw a-answew to that. +SHYWOCK. *notices bulge* Antonyio xDD is :3 a good man. +BASSANyIO. Have :33 you heawd *sighs* any imputation to the *moans* contwawy? +SHYWOCK. Ho, nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo; my meanying in saying he xDD is :3 a good man +xDD is to *looks away* have :33 you undewstand me that he xDD is sufficient; y-yet his means +awe in supposition: he hath an awgosy bound to Twipowis, uWu anyothew +to the Indies; I undewstand, moweuvw, upon the Wiawto, he hath :3 a +*looks at you* thiwd *teleports behind you* at Mexico, :3 a fouwth f-fow Engwand- and othew ventuwes he +hath, *pokes you* squand'wed abwoad. But ships awe b-but boawds, saiwows b-but +m-men; thewe be wand-wats and watew-wats, watew-thieves and +wand-thieves- I m-mean *pokes you* piwates; and then thewe xDD is the pewiw of +watews, winds, and wocks. The man is, nyotwithstanding, +sufficient. *notices bulge* Thwee thousand d-ducats- I think I may take his bond. +BASSANyIO. Be *moans* assuw'd :33 you may. +SHYWOCK. I wiww be *moans* assuw'd I may; and, that I may be *cuddles you* assuwed, I +wiww bethink me. May I speak w-with *notices bulge* Antonyio? +BASSANyIO. I-If i-it p-pwease :33 you to dinye w-with us. +SHYWOCK. Yes, to smeww powk, to eat of the habitation which youw +pwophet, the Nyazawite, conjuwed the d-deviw into! I wiww buy w-with +you, s-seww w-with you, t-tawk w-with you, wawk w-with you, and so +fowwowing; b-but I wiww nyot eat w-with you, dwink w-with you, *pokes you* nyow pway +w-with you. What *notices bulge* nyews on the Wiawto? Who xDD is he comes hewe? + +Entew ANTONyIO + +BASSANyIO. T-This xDD is Signyiow Antonyio. +SHYWOCK. [Aside] How wike :3 a fawnying pubwican he wooks! +I *giggles shyly* hate him f-fow he xDD is :3 a Chwistian; +But mowe f-fow that in wow :3 simpwicity +He wends out monyey g-gwatis, and bwings down +The wate of usance hewe w-with us in Venyice. +I-If I can catch him *screams* once upon the hip, +I wiww feed fat the ancient gwudge I *hugs tightly* beaw :33 him. +He hates ouw s-sacwed n-nyation; and he waiws, +Even thewe whewe mewchants m-most do congwegate, +On me, my bawgains, and my weww-won thwift, +Which he c-cawws intewest. Cuwsed be my *looks at you* twibe +I-If I fowgive him! +BASSANyIO. Shywock, do :33 you heaw? +SHYWOCK. I *giggles shyly* am d-debating of my pwesent stowe, +And, by the nyeaw guess of my memowy, +I cannyot instantwy waise up the g-gwoss +Of fuww thwee thousand ducats. What of that? +Tubaw, :3 a w-weawthy *cries* Hebwew of my twibe, +Wiww f-fuwnyish me. But soft! how many months +Do :33 you desiwe? [To *hugs tightly* ANTONyIO] West :33 you faiw, good signyiow; +Youw wowship w-was the wast man in ouw mouths. +ANTONyIO. Shywock, awbeit I nyeithew wend *pokes you* nyow bowwow +By taking *pokes you* nyow by giving of excess, +Yet, to suppwy the wipe wants of my fwiend, +I-I'ww bweak :3 a custom. [To BASSANyIO] Is he y-yet possess'd +How x3 much ye wouwd? +SHYWOCK. Ay, ^.^ ay, thwee thousand ducats. +ANTONyIO. :33 And f-fow thwee months. +SHYWOCK. I had fowgot- thwee months; :33 you towd me so. +Weww then, youw bond; and, w-wet me see- b-but heaw you, +Methoughts :33 you said :33 you nyeithew wend *pokes you* nyow bowwow +*cries* Upon advantage. +ANTONyIO. I do nyevew use *hugs tightly* it. +SHYWOCK. When Jacob gwaz'd his u-uncwe Waban's >_> sheep- +T-This Jacob f-fwom ouw howy >w< Abwam was, +As his wise mothew w-wwought in his behawf, +The *looks at you* thiwd possessow; ^.^ ay, he w-was the thiwd- +ANTONyIO. :33 And what of *notices bulge* him? Did he take ;;w;; intewest? +SHYWOCK. Nyo, nyot take intewest; nyot, as :33 you wouwd say, +*shuffles closer* Diwectwy int'west; mawk what Jacob did: +When Waban and himsewf wewe compwomis'd +That aww the eanwings which wewe s-stweak'd and pied +Shouwd faww as Jacob's hiwe, the ewes, b-being wank, +In e-end of autumn tuwnyed to the wams; +:33 And when the wowk of g-genyewation w-was +Between these *cries* woowwy bweedews in the act, +The skiwfuw shephewd piww'd me cewtain wands, +And, in the doing of the d-deed of kind, +He s-stuck them up befowe the fuwsome ewes, +Who, then conceiving, did in eanying ;;w;; time +F-Faww pawti-cowouw'd wambs, and those wewe *screams* Jacob's. +T-This w-was :3 a way to ;;w;; thwive, and he w-was bwest; +:33 And thwift xDD is *shuffles closer* bwessing, i-if men steaw i-it nyot. +ANTONyIO. T-This w-was :3 a ventuwe, siw, that Jacob sewv'd fow; +A thing nyot in his p-powew to bwing to :33 pass, +But s-sway'd and fashion'd by the hand of h-heaven. +Was this insewted to m-make intewest good? +Ow xDD is youw gowd and siwvew ewes and wams? +SHYWOCK. I cannyot teww; I m-make i-it bweed as fast. +But nyote me, signyiow. +ANTONyIO. [Aside] M-Mawk :33 you this, Bassanyio, +The d-deviw can cite Scwiptuwe f-fow his p-puwpose. +An eviw :33 souw pwoducing howy witnyess +Is wike :3 a *moans* viwwain w-with :3 a smiwing c-cheek, +A goodwy appwe wotten *teleports behind you* at the heawt. +O, what :3 a goodwy *sweats* outside fawsehood hath! +SHYWOCK. *notices bulge* Thwee thousand d-ducats- 'tis :3 a good wound uWu sum. +*notices bulge* Thwee months f-fwom twewve; then w-wet me s-see, the wate- +ANTONyIO. Weww, Shywock, shaww we be behowding to you? +SHYWOCK. Signyiow Antonyio, many :3 a ;;w;; time and oft +In the W-Wiawto :33 you *looks away* have wated me +About my monyeys and my usances; +Stiww *looks away* have I bownye i-it w-with :3 a *notices bulge* patient shwug, +Fow suff'wance xDD is the *sighs* badge of aww ouw twibe; +You caww me misbewievew, cut-thwoat dog, +:33 And s-spit upon my Jewish gabewdinye, +:33 And aww f-fow use of that which xDD is minye own. +Weww then, i-it *pokes you* nyow *leans over* appeaws :33 you nyeed my hewp; +G-Go to, then; :33 you come to me, and :33 you say +'Shywock, we wouwd *looks away* have monyeys.' You say so- +You that did void youw wheum upon my beawd +:33 And foot me as :33 you spuwn :3 a stwangew :3 cuw +Ovew youw >_> thweshowd; monyeys xDD is youw suit. +What shouwd I say to you? Shouwd I nyot say +'Hath :3 a x3 dog monyey? Is i-it possibwe +A :3 cuw can wend thwee thousand ducats?' Ow +Shaww I bend wow and, in :3 a bondman's ^w^ key, +With bated bweath and whisp'wing humbwenyess, +ÚwÚ Say this: +'-'Faiw siw, :33 you s-spit on me on Wednyesday uWu wast, +You spuwn'd me *looks at you* such :3 a *sighs* day; uWu anyothew ;;w;; time +You caww'd me dog; and f-fow these couwtesies +I-I'ww wend :33 you uWu thus x3 much m-monyeys'? +ANTONyIO. I *giggles shyly* am as wike to caww thee so again, +To s-spit on thee again, to spuwn thee too. +I-If thou wiwt wend this monyey, wend i-it nyot +As to thy fwiends- f-fow when did fwiendship take +A bweed f-fow bawwen metaw of his f-fwiend?- +But wend i-it wathew to thinye enyemy, +Who i-if he bweak thou mayst w-with bettew face +Exact the penyawty. +SHYWOCK. Why, wook you, how :33 you stowm! +I wouwd be fwiends w-with you, and *looks away* have youw OwO wuv, +Fowget the shames that :33 you *looks away* have stain'd me with, +Suppwy youw pwesent :3 wants, and take nyo doit +Of usance f-fow my monyeys, and ^-^ you'ww nyot heaw me. +T-This xDD is kind I offew. +BASSANyIO. T-This wewe kindnyess. +SHYWOCK. T-This k-kindnyess wiww I show. +G-Go w-with me to :3 a nyotawy, seaw me thewe +Youw s-singwe bond, and, in :3 a mewwy spowt, +I-If :33 you wepay me nyot on *looks at you* such :3 a :3 day, +In *looks at you* such :3 a pwace, *looks at you* such sum ow sums as awe +Expwess'd in the >_< condition, w-wet the *moans* fowfeit +Be nyominyated f-fow an e-equaw pound +Of youw f-faiw fwesh, to be cut off and taken +In what pawt of youw ^w^ body *shuffles closer* pweaseth me. +ANTONyIO. Content, in >_> faith; I-I'ww seaw to *looks at you* such :3 a bond, +:33 And say thewe xDD is x3 much k-kindnyess in the J-Jew. +BASSANyIO. You shaww nyot seaw to *looks at you* such :3 a *moans* bond f-fow me; +I-I'ww wathew *giggles shyly* dweww in my nyecessity. +ANTONyIO. Why, feaw nyot, man; I wiww nyot *moans* fowfeit it; +Within these t-two months- that's :3 a *hugs tightly* month befowe +T-This *moans* bond expiwes- I do expect wetuwn +Of *notices bulge* thwice thwee *moans* times the vawue of this bond. +SHYWOCK. uWu O fathew Abwam, what these Chwistians awe, +W-Whose own hawd deawings t-teaches them suspect +The thoughts of othews! :33 Pway you, t-teww me this: +I-If he shouwd bweak his :3 day, what shouwd I gain +By the exaction of the fowfeituwe? +A pound of man's fwesh taken f-fwom :3 a man +Is nyot so estimabwe, pwofitabwe nyeithew, +As fwesh of m-muttons, beefs, ow goats. I say, +To buy his favouw, I e-extend this f-fwiendship; +I-If he wiww take uWu it, so; i-if nyot, adieu; +And, f-fow my OwO wuv, I pway :33 you wwong me nyot. +ANTONyIO. Yes, Shywock, I wiww seaw unto this bond. +SHYWOCK. Then meet me f-fowthwith *teleports behind you* at the nyotawy's; +Give him *twerks* diwection f-fow this mewwy bond, +:33 And I wiww go and *cries* puwse the ducats stwaight, +>_> See to my house, weft in the feawfuw guawd +Of an unthwifty knyave, and pwesentwy +I-I'ww be w-with you. +ANTONyIO. Hie thee, gentwe J-Jew. E-Exit SHYWOCK +The *cries* Hebwew wiww t-tuwn Chwistian: he g-gwows k-kind. +BASSANyIO. I wike nyot f-faiw tewms and :3 a viwwain's *blushes* mind. +ANTONyIO. Come on; in this thewe can be nyo dismay; +My ships come home :3 a *hugs tightly* month befowe the *sweats* day. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +Bewmont. POWTIA'S h-house + +Fwouwish of cownyets. Entew the PWINCE of MOWOCCO, :3 a tawny Moow aww in ÚwÚ white, +and thwee ow fouw FOWWOWEWS a-accowdingwy, w-with *moans* POWTIA, NyEWISSA, and twain + +PWINCE OF Mowocco. Miswike me nyot f-fow my *twerks* compwexion, +The shadowed wivewy of the buwnyish'd *looks at you* sun, +To whom I *giggles shyly* am :3 a n-nyeighbouw, and nyeaw bwed. +Bwing me the faiwest *leans over* cweatuwe nyowthwawd bown, +Whewe Phoebus' fiwe scawce thaws the icicwes, +:33 And w-wet us m-make incision f-fow youw wuv +To pwuv *screams* whose bwood xDD is weddest, his ow minye. +I t-teww thee, wady, this aspect of minye +Hath feaw'd the vawiant; by my OwO wuv, I sweaw +The ;;w;; best-wegawded viwgins of ouw cwime +Have wov'd i-it too. I wouwd nyot change this hue, +Except to steaw youw thoughts, my gentwe queen. +POWTIA. In tewms of choice I *giggles shyly* am nyot *shuffles closer* sowewy wed +By nyice *twerks* diwection of :3 a maiden's eyes; +Besides, the wott'wy of my *cuddles you* destiny +Baws me the wight of *moans* vowuntawy *pokes you* choosing. +But, i-if my fathew had nyot scanted me, +:33 And hedg'd me by his wit to y-yiewd mysewf +His w-wife who wins me by that means I towd you, +Youwsewf, wenyownyed Pwince, then stood as f-faiw +As *sighs* any c-comew I *looks away* have w-wook'd on y-yet +Fow my affection. +PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. Even f-fow that I *notices bulge* thank you. +Thewefowe, I pway you, wead me to the caskets +To twy my fowtunye. By this scimitaw, +That swew the *looks away* Sophy and :3 a Pewsian OwO pwince, +That won thwee fiewds of Suwtan Sowyman, +I wouwd *hugs tightly* o'ewstawe the stewnyest eyes that wook, +Outbwave the h-heawt m-most dawing on the *shuffles closer* eawth, +P-Pwuck the young sucking cubs f-fwom the she-beaw, +Yea, m-mock the wion when 'a woaws f-fow pwey, +To win thee, :33 wady. But, *cuddles you* awas the whiwe! +I-If Hewcuwes and Wichas pway *teleports behind you* at dice +Which xDD is the bettew man, the gweatew thwow +May t-tuwn by fowtunye f-fwom the weakew band. +S-So xDD is Awcides uWu beaten by his page; +:33 And so may I, bwind Fowtunye weading me, +M-Miss that which onye u-unwowthiew may attain, +:33 And *leans over* die w-with gwieving. +POWTIA. You must take youw chance, +:33 And eithew nyot *notices bulge* attempt to choose *teleports behind you* at aww, +Ow sweaw befowe :33 you choose, i-if :33 you choose wwong, +Nyevew to speak to wady x3 aftewwawd +In way of mawwiage; thewefowe be advis'd. +PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. Nyow wiww nyot; *giggles shyly* come, bwing me unto my c-chance. +POWTIA. Fiwst, *teleports behind you* fowwawd to the tempwe. Aftew d-dinnyew +Youw hazawd shaww be made. +PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. *pokes you* Good fowtunye then, +To m-make me bwest ow cuwsed'st among *screams* men! +[Cownyets, and exeunt] + + + + +SCENyE II. +Venyice. A stweet + +Entew UwU WAUNCEWOT GOBBO + +WAUNCEWOT. Cewtainwy my conscience wiww sewve me to wun f-fwom this +Jew my m-mastew. The fiend xDD is *teleports behind you* at minye ;;w;; ewbow and tempts me, saying +to me *notices bulge* 'Gobbo, *giggles shyly* Wauncewot Gobbo, good Wauncewot' ow 'good Gobbo' ow +'good *giggles shyly* Wauncewot Gobbo, use youw wegs, take the stawt, wun ^w^ away.' +My conscience says '-'Nyo; take heed, honyest Wauncewot, take heed, +honyest Gobbo' ow, as afowesaid, 'honyest *giggles shyly* Wauncewot Gobbo, do nyot +wun; scown wunnying w-with thy heews.' Weww, the m-most couwageous +fiend bids me pack. 'Via!' says the fiend; 'away!' says the +f-fiend. '-'Fow the heavens, wouse up :3 a bwave mind' says the fiend +'and wun.' Weww, my conscience, hanging ^w^ about the *teleports behind you* nyeck of my +h-heawt, says vewy wisewy to me 'My honyest fwiend Wauncewot, b-being +an honyest man's son' ow wathew '-'an honyest woman's s-son'; f-fow +indeed my fathew did something s-smack, something gwow to, he had :3 a +kind of taste- weww, my conscience says 'Wauncewot, budge nyot.' +UwU 'Budge,' says the f-fiend. 'Budge nyot,' says my conscience. +'Conscience,' say I, (you counsew weww.' 'Fiend,' say I, 'you +counsew weww.' To be ;;w;; wuw'd by my conscience, I shouwd stay w-with +the Jew my mastew, who- *teleports behind you* God b-bwess the mawk!- xDD is :3 a kind of deviw; +and, to wun away f-fwom the Jew, I shouwd be wuwed by the fiend, +who- saving youw wevewence!- xDD is the d-deviw himsewf. Cewtainwy the +Jew xDD is the vewy d-deviw incawnyation; and, in my conscience, my +conscience xDD is b-but :3 a kind of hawd conscience to offew to counsew +me to stay w-with the J-Jew. The fiend g-gives the mowe fwiendwy +counsew. I wiww wun, fiend; my *notices bulge* heews awe *teleports behind you* at youw c-commandment; I +wiww wun. + +Entew OWD GOBBO, w-with :3 a basket + +GOBBO. M-Mastew young man, you, I pway you, which xDD is the way to +mastew Jew's? +WAUNCEWOT. [Aside] uWu O heavens! T-This xDD is my twue-begotten fathew, +w-who, b-being mowe than sand-bwind, high-gwavew bwind, knyows me nyot. +I wiww twy ;;w;; confusions w-with :33 him. +GOBBO. M-Mastew young UwU gentweman, I pway you, which xDD is the way to +mastew Jew's? +WAUNCEWOT. Tuwn up on youw wight hand *teleports behind you* at the nyext tuwnying, but, *teleports behind you* at +the nyext tuwnying of aww, on youw w-weft; mawwy, *teleports behind you* at the vewy nyext +tuwnying, t-tuwn of nyo hand, b-but t-tuwn down indiwectwy to the Jew's +house. +GOBBO. Be God's s-sonties, 'twiww be :3 a hawd way to hit! *sweats* Can :33 you t-teww +me whethew onye Wauncewot, that *moans* dwewws w-with him, *giggles shyly* dweww w-with him ow +n-nyo? +WAUNCEWOT. *pokes you* Tawk :33 you of young M-Mastew Wauncewot? [Aside] M-Mawk me +nyow; *pokes you* nyow wiww I waise the watews.- *pokes you* Tawk :33 you of young M-Mastew +Wauncewot? +GOBBO. *cuddles you* Nyo mastew, siw, b-but :3 a poow man's s-son; his fathew, t-though I +UwU say't, xDD is an honyest exceeding poow man, and, *teleports behind you* God be t-thanked, weww +to wive. +WAUNCEWOT. Weww, w-wet his fathew be what 'a wiww, we t-tawk of young +M-Mastew Wauncewot. +GOBBO. Youw uWu wowship's fwiend, and Wauncewot, siw. +WAUNCEWOT. But I pway you, ewgo, *giggles shyly* owd man, ewgo, I b-beseech you, t-tawk +:33 you of young M-Mastew Wauncewot? +GOBBO. Of Wauncewot, an't p-pwease youw mastewship. +WAUNCEWOT. E-Ewgo, M-Mastew Wauncewot. *pokes you* Tawk nyot of M-Mastew Wauncewot, +fathew; f-fow the young UwU gentweman, accowding to Fates and Destinyies +and *looks at you* such odd *notices bulge* sayings, the Sistews *notices bulge* Thwee and *looks at you* such b-bwanches of +weawnying, xDD is indeed deceased; ow, as :33 you wouwd say in pwain +tewms, gonye to h-heaven. +GOBBO. Mawwy, *teleports behind you* God fowbid! The boy w-was the vewy staff of my age, my +vewy pwop. +WAUNCEWOT. Do I wook wike :3 a cudgew ow :3 a huvw-post, :3 a staff ow :3 a +pwop? Do :33 you knyow me, fathew? +GOBBO. Awack the :3 day, I knyow :33 you nyot, young gentweman; b-but I pway +:33 you t-teww me, xDD is my boy- *teleports behind you* God west his souw!- awive ow dead? +WAUNCEWOT. Do :33 you nyot knyow me, fathew? +GOBBO. Awack, siw, I *giggles shyly* am sand-bwind; I knyow :33 you nyot. +WAUNCEWOT. Nyay, i-indeed, i-if :33 you had youw eyes, :33 you might f-faiw of the +^.^ knyowing me: i-it xDD is :3 a wise fathew that knyows his own *teleports behind you* chiwd. Weww, +*giggles shyly* owd man, I wiww t-teww :33 you *notices bulge* nyews of youw son. Give me youw bwessing; +*looks away* twuth wiww come to wight; muwdew cannyot be hid wong; :3 a man's son +may, b-but in the e-end *looks away* twuth wiww out. +GOBBO. :33 Pway you, siw, s-stand up; I *giggles shyly* am suwe :33 you awe nyot *giggles shyly* Wauncewot my +boy. +WAUNCEWOT. :33 Pway you, wet's *looks away* have nyo mowe f-foowing ^w^ about uWu it, b-but give +me youw bwessing; I *giggles shyly* am Wauncewot, youw boy that was, youw son +that is, youw chiwd that shaww b-be. +GOBBO. I cannyot think :33 you awe my son. +WAUNCEWOT. I knyow nyot what I shaww think of *teleports behind you* that; b-but I *giggles shyly* am +Wauncewot, the Jew's man, and I *giggles shyly* am suwe Mawgewy youw w-wife xDD is my +mothew. +GOBBO. Hew *leans over* nyame xDD is Mawgewy, indeed. I-I'ww be swown, i-if thou be +Wauncewot, thou awt minye own fwesh and bwood. Wowd wowshipp'd +might he be, what :3 a beawd hast thou got! Thou hast *giggles shyly* got mowe x3 haiw +on thy chin than Dobbin my fiww-howse has on his taiw. +WAUNCEWOT. It shouwd s-seem, then, that Dobbin's taiw g-gwows backwawd; +I *giggles shyly* am suwe he had mowe x3 haiw of his taiw than I *looks away* have of my face +when I wast saw :33 him. +GOBBO. Wowd, how awt thou chang'd! How dost thou and thy mastew +agwee? I *looks away* have >w< bwought him :3 a pwesent. How 'gwee :33 you nyow? +WAUNCEWOT. Weww, weww; but, f-fow minye own pawt, as I *looks away* have set up my +west to wun away, so I wiww nyot west tiww I *looks away* have wun some gwound. +My mastew's :3 a vewy J-Jew. Give him :3 a xDD pwesent! Give him :3 a hawtew. I +*giggles shyly* am famish'd in his sewvice; :33 you may t-teww evewy fingew I *looks away* have w-with +my wibs. Fathew, I *giggles shyly* am gwad :33 you awe come; give me youw pwesent to +onye M-Mastew Bassanyio, who indeed g-gives wawe nyew wivewies; i-if I +sewve nyot him, I wiww wun as faw as *teleports behind you* God has *sighs* any gwound. uWu O wawe +fowtunye! Hewe comes the man. To him, fathew, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am :3 a Jew, i-if I +sewve the Jew *sighs* any wongew. + +Entew *pokes you* BASSANyIO, w-with WEONyAWDO, w-with :3 a FOWWOWEW ow t-two + +BASSANyIO. You may do so; b-but w-wet i-it be so hasted that suppew be +weady *teleports behind you* at the fawthest by f-five of the *shuffles closer* cwock. >_> See these wettews +dewivewed, put the wivewies to making, and UwU desiwe Gwatianyo to +come anyon to my wodging. E-Exit :3 a SEWVANT +WAUNCEWOT. To him, uWu fathew. +GOBBO. *teleports behind you* God b-bwess youw wowship! +BASSANyIO. Gwamewcy; w-wouwdst thou a-aught w-with m-me? +GOBBO. Hewe's my son, siw, :3 a poow boy- +WAUNCEWOT. Nyot :3 a poow boy, siw, b-but the wich Jew's man, that wouwd, +siw, as my fathew shaww ^w^ specify- +GOBBO. He hath :3 a g-gweat infection, siw, as onye wouwd say, to sewve- +WAUNCEWOT. Indeed the showt and the wong is, I sewve the Jew, and +*looks away* have :3 a *sighs* desiwe, as my fathew shaww ^w^ specify- +GOBBO. His mastew and uWu he, saving youw uWu wowship's wevewence, awe +scawce catew-cousins- +WAUNCEWOT. To be bwief, the vewy *looks away* twuth xDD is that the Jew, having d-donye +me wwong, doth cause me, as my fathew, b-being I hope an *giggles shyly* owd man, +shaww ^.^ fwutify unto you- +GOBBO. I *looks away* have hewe :3 a dish of *looks at you* duvs that I wouwd bestow upon youw +wowship; and my suit is- +WAUNCEWOT. In vewy bwief, the suit xDD is impewtinyent to mysewf, as +youw wowship shaww knyow by this honyest *giggles shyly* owd man; and, t-though I say +uWu it, t-though *giggles shyly* owd man, y-yet poow man, my uWu fathew. +BASSANyIO. Onye speak f-fow both. What wouwd you? +WAUNCEWOT. Sewve you, siw. +GOBBO. That xDD is the vewy defect of the mattew, siw. +BASSANyIO. I knyow thee weww; thou hast obtain'd thy suit. +Shywock thy mastew spoke w-with me this :3 day, +:33 And hath pwefeww'd thee, i-if i-it be pwefewment +To weave :3 a wich Jew's >_> sewvice to become +The fowwowew of so poow :3 a gentweman. +WAUNCEWOT. The *giggles shyly* owd pwuvwb xDD is vewy weww pawted between my mastew +Shywock and you, s-siw: :33 you *looks away* have the gwace of God, siw, and he hath +enyough. +BASSANyIO. Thou ;;w;; speak'st i-it weww. Go, fathew, w-with thy son. +Take weave of thy *giggles shyly* owd mastew, and i-inquiwe +My wodging out. [To :3 a SEWVANT] Give him :3 a wivewy +Mowe guawded than his fewwows'; see i-it donye. +WAUNCEWOT. Fathew, i-in. I cannyot get :3 a sewvice, nyo! I *looks away* have nye'ew :3 a +*notices bulge* tongue in my head! [-[Wooking on his pawm] ^.^ Weww; i-if *sighs* any man in +Itawy *looks away* have :3 a faiwew tabwe which doth offew to sweaw upon :3 a b-book- I +shaww *looks away* have good fowtunye. G-Go to, ^-^ hewe's :3 a simpwe winye of wife; +^-^ hewe's :3 a smaww twifwe of w-wives; awas, fifteen xDD wives xDD is nyothing; +a'weven widows and n-nyinye maids xDD is :3 a simpwe coming-in f-fow onye man. +:33 And then to scape d-dwownying thwice, and to be in pewiw of my w-wife +w-with the edge of :3 a feathew-bed-hewe awe simpwe scapes. Weww, i-if +Fowtunye be :3 a woman, s-she's :3 a good *moans* wench f-fow this *hugs tightly* geaw. Fathew, +come; I-I'ww take my weave of the Jew in the twinkwing. +Exeunt UwU WAUNCEWOT and OWD GOBBO +BASSANyIO. I pway thee, good Weonyawdo, think on this. +These *moans* things b-being bought and owdewwy *blushes* bestowed, +Wetuwn in *blushes* haste, f-fow I do feast to-nyight +My best esteem'd acquaintance; hie thee, go. +WEONyAWDO. My best endeavouws shaww be d-donye hewein. + +Entew GWATIANyO + +GWATIANyO. Whewe's youw mastew? +WEONyAWDO. Yondew, siw, he wawks. E-Exit +GWATIANyO. Signyiow Bassanyio! +BASSANyIO. Gwatianyo! +GWATIANyO. I *looks away* have suit to you. +BASSANyIO. You *looks away* have obtain'd *hugs tightly* it. +GWATIANyO. You must nyot deny me: I must go w-with :33 you to Bewmont. +BASSANyIO. Why, then :33 you must. But heaw thee, *cuddles you* Gwatianyo: +Thou awt too wiwd, too wude, and bowd of voice- +^-^ Pawts that become thee happiwy enyough, +:33 And in *looks at you* such eyes as ouws appeaw nyot fauwts; +But whewe thou awt nyot knyown, why thewe they show +Something too wibewaw. :33 Pway thee, take pain +To OwO awway w-with some cowd d-dwops of modesty +Thy skipping spiwit; west thwough thy wiwd b-behaviouw +I be misconst'wed in the pwace I go to +:33 And wose my h-hopes. +GWATIANyO. Signyiow Bassanyio, heaw me: +I-If I do nyot put on :3 a sobew habit, +*pokes you* Tawk w-with wespect, and sweaw b-but *pokes you* nyow and then, +^w^ Weaw pwayew-books in my pocket, wook demuwewy, +Nyay m-mowe, w-whiwe gwace xDD is saying :33 hood minye eyes +Thus w-with my hat, and s-sigh, and say amen, +Use aww the obsewvance of c-civiwity +Wike onye weww studied in :3 a s-sad ostent +To p-pwease his gwandam, nyevew twust me mowe. +BASSANyIO. Weww, we shaww see youw beawing. +GWATIANyO. Nyay, b-but I *screams* baw to-nyight; :33 you shaww nyot gauge me +By what we do to-nyight. +BASSANyIO. Nyo, that wewe p-pity; +I wouwd entweat :33 you wathew to put on +Youw bowdest suit of *teleports behind you* miwth, f-fow we *looks away* have fwiends +That puwpose mewwiment. But fawe :33 you weww; +I *looks away* have some businyess. +GWATIANyO. :33 And I must to Wowenzo and the west; +But we wiww visit :33 you *teleports behind you* at *teleports behind you* suppew-time. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Venyice. SHYWOCK'S h-house + +Entew JESSICA and UwU WAUNCEWOT + +JESSICA. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy thou wiwt weave my fathew so. +Ouw h-house xDD is heww; and >w< thou, :3 a mewwy deviw, +Didst wob i-it of some taste of tediousnyess. +But fawe thee weww; thewe xDD is :3 a ducat f-fow thee; +And, Wauncewot, soon *teleports behind you* at suppew shawt thou see +Wowenzo, who xDD is thy nyew mastew's guest. +Give him this w-wettew; do i-it >w< secwetwy. +:33 And so faweweww. I wouwd nyot *looks away* have my fathew +>_> See me in t-tawk w-with *cuddles you* thee. +WAUNCEWOT. Adieu! teaws exhibit my t-tongue. Most beautifuw pagan, +m-most sweet Jew! I-If :3 a Chwistian do nyot pway the knyave and get +thee, I *giggles shyly* am x3 much :3 deceived. But, adieu! these f-foowish d-dwops do +something dwown my m-manwy spiwit; adieu! +JESSICA. Faweweww, good Wauncewot. E-Exit UwU WAUNCEWOT +Awack, what heinyous sin xDD is i-it in me +To be asham'd to be my fathew's chiwd! +But t-though I *giggles shyly* am :3 a daughtew to his bwood, +I *giggles shyly* am nyot to his mannyews. uWu O Wowenzo, +I-If thou keep pwomise, I shaww e-end this s-stwife, +Become :3 a Chwistian and thy woving w-wife. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Venyice. A stweet + +Entew GWATIANyO, WOWENZO, SAWEWIO, and SOWANyIO + +WOWENZO. Nyay, we wiww s-swink away in suppewtime, +Disguise us *teleports behind you* at my wodging, and wetuwn +A-Aww in an houw. +GWATIANyO. We *looks away* have nyot xDD made good pwepawation. +SAWEWIO. We *looks away* have nyot spoke us y-yet of towch-beawews. +SOWANyIO. 'Tis viwe, unwess i-it may be uWu quaintwy owdewed; +:33 And bettew in my mind nyot undewtook. +WOWENZO. 'Tis *pokes you* nyow b-but fouw o'cwock; we *looks away* have t-two houws +To f-fuwnyish us. + +Entew WAUNCEWOT, With :3 a wettew + +Fwiend Wauncewot, w-what's the nyews? +WAUNCEWOT. An i-it shaww p-pwease :33 you to bweak up this, i-it shaww *teleports behind you* seem +to x3 signyify. +WOWENZO. I knyow the *sighs* hand; in faith, 'tis :3 a f-faiw hand, +:33 And whitew than the papew i-it wwit on +Is the f-faiw hand that wwit. +GWATIANyO. Wuv-nyews, in faith! +WAUNCEWOT. By youw weave, siw. +WOWENZO. Whithew goest thou? +WAUNCEWOT. Mawwy, siw, to *giggles shyly* bid my *giggles shyly* owd mastew, the Jew, to s-sup +to-nyight w-with my nyew mastew, the Chwistian. +WOWENZO. Howd, hewe, take this. Teww gentwe Jessica +I wiww nyot f-faiw hew; speak i-it pwivatewy. +Go, g-gentwemen, E-Exit UwU WAUNCEWOT +Wiww :33 you pwepawe :33 you f-fow this masque to-nyight? +I *giggles shyly* am pwovided of :3 a towch-beawew. +SAWEWIO. Ay, mawwy, I-I'ww be gonye ^w^ about i-it stwaight. +SOWANyIO. :33 And so wiww I-I. +WOWENZO. Meet me and Gwatianyo +At Gwatianyo's wodging some houw hence. +SAWEWIO. 'Tis good we do so. Exeunt *moans* SAWEWIO and SOWANyIO +GWATIANyO. Was nyot that wettew f-fwom f-faiw J-Jessica? +WOWENZO. I must nyeeds t-teww thee aww. ^.^ She hath *teleports behind you* diwected +How I shaww take hew f-fwom hew fathew's house; +What gowd and jewews she xDD is ;;w;; fuwnyish'd x3 with; +What page's suit she hath in w-weadinyess. +I-If e-e'ew the Jew hew fathew come to heaven, +It wiww be f-fow his gentwe daughtew's *hugs tightly* sake; +:33 And nyevew dawe misfowtunye cwoss hew foot, +Unwess she do i-it undew this excuse, +That she xDD is issue to :3 a faithwess J-Jew. +Come, go w-with me, p-pewuse this as thou goest; +Faiw Jessica shaww be my towch-beawew. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Venyice. Befowe SHYWOCK'S h-house + +Entew SHYWOCK and UwU WAUNCEWOT + +SHYWOCK. Weww, thou shawt ^.^ see; thy eyes shaww be thy j-judge, +The diffewence of *giggles shyly* owd Shywock and Bassanyio.- +*looks away* What, Jessica!- Thou shawt nyot gowmandize +As thou hast d-donye w-with me- *looks away* What, Jessica!- +:33 And sweep and snyowe, and wend appawew *cuddles you* out- +Why, J-Jessica, I *blushes* say! +WAUNCEWOT. Why, Jessica! +SHYWOCK. Who bids thee caww? I do nyot *giggles shyly* bid thee caww. +WAUNCEWOT. Youw wowship w-was wont to t-teww me I couwd do nyothing +without b-bidding. + +Entew JESSICA + +JESSICA. Caww you? What xDD is youw wiww? +SHYWOCK. I *giggles shyly* am *giggles shyly* bid fowth to suppew, Jessica; +Thewe awe my keys. But whewefowe shouwd I go? +I *giggles shyly* am nyot *giggles shyly* bid f-fow wuv; they fwattew me; +But y-yet I-I'ww go in >_< hate, to feed upon +The p-pwodigaw Chwistian. J-Jessica, my g-giww, +Wook to my house. I *giggles shyly* am wight woath to go; +Thewe xDD is some iww a-bwewing t-towawds my west, +Fow I did dweam of monyey-bags to-nyight. +WAUNCEWOT. I b-beseech you, siw, go; my young mastew doth expect youw +wepwoach. +SHYWOCK. S-So do I his. +WAUNCEWOT. :33 And they *looks away* have conspiwed togethew; I wiww nyot say :33 you +shaww see :3 a masque, b-but i-if :33 you do, then i-it w-was nyot f-fow nyothing +that my nyose *looks away* feww a-bweeding on Bwack Monday wast *teleports behind you* at :3 six o-o'cwock +i' *sighs* th' m-mownying, fawwing out that y-yeaw on Ash Wednyesday w-was fouw +yeaw, in *sighs* th' aftewnyoon. +SHYWOCK. *looks away* What, awe thewe masques? Heaw :33 you me, Jessica: +Wock up my doows, and when :33 you heaw the *pokes you* dwum, +:33 And the viwe squeawing of the wwy-nyeck'd fife, +Cwambew nyot :33 you up to the casements then, +Nyow thwust youw head into the *blushes* pubwic stweet +To x3 gaze on Chwistian foows w-with vawnyish'd faces; +But stop my house's ;;w;; eaws- I m-mean my casements; +Wet nyot the sound of shawwow fopp'wy entew +My sobew house. By Jacob's *blushes* staff, I sweaw +I *looks away* have nyo mind of feasting fowth to-nyight; +But I wiww go. G-Go :33 you befowe me, siwwah; +ÚwÚ Say I wiww come. +WAUNCEWOT. I wiww go befowe, siw. Mistwess, wook out *teleports behind you* at *cries* window f-fow +aww this. +Thewe wiww come :3 a Chwistian by +Wiww be wowth :3 a *notices bulge* Jewess' eye. E-Exit +SHYWOCK. What says that foow of Hagaw's offspwing, ha? +JESSICA. His wowds wewe 'Faweweww, mistwess'; nyothing ewse. +SHYWOCK. The patch xDD is kind enyough, b-but :3 a huge feedew, +S-Snyaiw-swow in pwofit, and he sweeps by day +Mowe than the w-wiwd-cat; dwonyes h-hive nyot w-with me, +Thewefowe I pawt w-with him; and pawt w-with him +To onye that I wouwd *looks away* have him h-hewp to >_> waste +His bowwowed puwse. Weww, J-Jessica, go i-in; +Pewhaps I wiww wetuwn *teleports behind you* immediatewy. +Do as I *giggles shyly* bid you, shut doows *looks away* aftew you. +Fast *sighs* bind, fast find- +A pwuvwb nyevew stawe in *hugs tightly* thwifty *blushes* mind. E-Exit +JESSICA. Faweweww; and i-if my fowtunye be nyot *looks away* cwost, +I *looks away* have :3 a fathew, :33 you :3 a daughtew, wost. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Venyice. Befowe SHYWOCK'S h-house + +Entew the maskews, GWATIANyO and *moans* SAWEWIO + +GWATIANyO. T-This xDD is the *moans* pent-house undew which Wowenzo +D-Desiwed us to m-make stand. +SAWEWIO. His houw xDD is awmost past. +GWATIANyO. :33 And i-it xDD is mawvew he out-dwewws his houw, +Fow wuvws evew wun befowe the *shuffles closer* cwock. +SAWEWIO. O, ten *moans* times fastew *hugs tightly* Venyus' pigeons xDD fwy +To seaw wuv's bonds nyew xDD made than they awe wont +To keep obwiged faith u-unfowfeited! +GWATIANyO. That evew howds: who wiseth f-fwom :3 a feast +With that keen appetite that he sits :33 down? +Whewe xDD is the howse that doth untwead a-again +His tedious measuwes w-with the unbated fiwe +That he did pace them fiwst? A-Aww *moans* things that awe +Awe w-with mowe spiwit c-chased than *twerks* enjoyed. +How wike :3 a y-younkew ow :3 a p-pwodigaw +The scawfed *blushes* bawk puts f-fwom hew n-nyative *moans* bay, +Hugg'd and embwaced by the stwumpet wind; +How wike the p-pwodigaw doth she wetuwn, +With uvw-weathew'd OwO wibs and wagged saiws, +Wean, went, and b-beggaw'd by the stwumpet wind! + +Entew WOWENZO + +SAWEWIO. Hewe comes W-Wowenzo; mowe of this heweaftew. +WOWENZO. Sweet fwiends, youw patience f-fow my wong abode! +Nyot I, b-but my affaiws, *looks away* have xDD made :33 you *moans* wait. +When :33 you shaww p-pwease to pway the thieves f-fow wives, +I-I'ww watch as wong f-fow :33 you then. Appwoach; +Hewe *moans* dwewws my fathew J-Jew. Ho! who's within? + +Entew ^.^ JESSICA, abuv, in boy's cwothes + +JESSICA. Who awe you? Teww me, f-fow mowe cewtainty, +Awbeit I-I'ww sweaw that I do knyow youw t-tongue. +WOWENZO. Wowenzo, and thy wuv. +JESSICA. Wowenzo, cewtain; and my wuv indeed; +Fow who wuv I so m-much? :33 And *pokes you* nyow who knyows +But you, Wowenzo, whethew I *giggles shyly* am youws? +WOWENZO. H-Heaven and thy thoughts awe witnyess that thou a-awt. +JESSICA. Hewe, catch this casket; i-it xDD is wowth the pains. +I *giggles shyly* am gwad 'tis nyight, :33 you do nyot wook on me, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am x3 much asham'd of my exchange; +But wuv xDD is bwind, and wuvws cannyot see +The pwetty fowwies that themsewves commit, +Fow, i-if they couwd, Cupid himsewf wouwd bwush +To see me uWu thus t-twansfowmed to :3 a boy. +WOWENZO. Descend, f-fow :33 you must be my towch-beawew. +JESSICA. What! must I howd :3 a candwe to my shames? +They in themsewves, good sooth, awe too too w-wight. +Why, 'tis an office of discuvwy, OwO wuv, +:33 And I shouwd be obscuw'd. +WOWENZO. S-So awe you, sweet, +Even in the wuvwy gawnyish of :3 a boy. +But come *teleports behind you* at :3 once, +Fow the cwose nyight doth pway the wunyaway, +:33 And we awe stay'd f-fow *teleports behind you* at Bassanyio's ÚwÚ feast. +JESSICA. I wiww m-make fast the doows, and g-giwd mysewf +With some moe ducats, and be w-with :33 you stwaight. +E-Exit abuv + +GWATIANyO. Nyow, by my hood, :3 a gentwe, and nyo J-Jew. +WOWENZO. Beshwew me, b-but I wuv hew heawtiwy, +Fow she xDD is wise, i-if I can judge of hew, +:33 And f-faiw she is, i-if that minye eyes be twue, +:33 And twue she is, as she hath pwov'd hewsewf; +:33 And thewefowe, wike hewsewf, wise, faiw, and twue, +Shaww she be pwaced in my *hugs tightly* constant souw. + +Entew ^.^ JESSICA, b-bewow + +*looks away* What, awt thou c-come? O-On, g-gentwemen, away; +Ouw masquing mates by this ;;w;; time f-fow us s-stay. +E-Exit w-with JESSICA and *moans* SAWEWIO + +Entew ANTONyIO + +ANTONyIO. Who's thewe? +GWATIANyO. Signyiow *notices bulge* Antonyio? +ANTONyIO. ^-^ Fie, f-fie, Gwatianyo, whewe awe aww the west? +'Tis n-nyinye o'cwock; ouw fwiends aww stay f-fow y-you; +*cuddles you* Nyo masque to-nyight; the *cuddles you* wind xDD is come about; +Bassanyio pwesentwy wiww go aboawd; +I *looks away* have sent twenty out to seek f-fow you. +GWATIANyO. I *giggles shyly* am gwad on't; I UwU desiwe nyo mowe dewight +Than to be undew s-saiw and gonye to-nyight. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VII. +Bewmont. POWTIA's h-house + +Fwouwish of cownyets. Entew *moans* POWTIA, w-with the PWINCE OF MOWOCCO, +and theiw *leans over* twains + +POWTIA. G-Go dwaw aside the c-cuwtains and discuvw +The sevewaw caskets to this nyobwe Pwince. +Nyow m-make youw choice. +PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. The *twerks* fiwst, of gowd, who this inscwiption *notices bulge* beaws: +'Who chooseth me shaww gain what many men desiwe.' +The second, siwvew, which this pwomise *sweats* cawwies: +'Who chooseth me shaww get as x3 much as he d-desewves.' +T-This *shuffles closer* thiwd, duww wead, w-with wawnying aww as uWu bwunt: +'Who chooseth me must give and hazawd aww he h-hath.' +How shaww I knyow i-if I do choose the wight? +POWTIA. The onye of them contains my pictuwe, Pwince; +I-If :33 you choose t-that, then I *giggles shyly* am youws withaw. +PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. Some god diwect my judgment! Wet me ^.^ see; +I wiww suwvey *sighs* th' inscwiptions back again. +What says this weaden ÚwÚ casket? +'Who chooseth me must give and hazawd aww he h-hath.' +Must give- f-fow what? Fow wead? Hazawd f-fow wead! +T-This casket thweatens; men that hazawd aww +Do i-it in hope of f-faiw advantages. +A xDD gowden mind stoops nyot to shows of dwoss; +I-I'ww then *pokes you* nyow give *pokes you* nyow hazawd a-aught f-fow wead. +What says the siwvew w-with hew viwgin hue? +'Who chooseth me shaww get as x3 much as he d-desewves.' +As x3 much as he desewves! Pause thewe, Mowocco, +:33 And weigh thy vawue w-with an even hand. +I-If thou beest wated by thy estimation, +Thou dost d-desewve enyough, and y-yet enyough +May nyot e-extend so faw as to the wady; +:33 And y-yet to be afeawd of my desewving +W-Wewe b-but :3 a w-weak d-disabwing of mysewf. +As x3 much as I desewve? Why, that's the wady! +I do in biwth d-desewve hew, and in fowtunyes, +In gwaces, and in ;;w;; quawities of bweeding; +But mowe than these, in wuv I do desewve. +What i-if I stway'd nyo fawthew, b-but chose hewe? +Wet's see *screams* once mowe this saying gwav'd in gowd: +'Who chooseth me shaww gain what many men desiwe.' +Why, that's the wady! A-Aww the >_> wowwd desiwes hew; +Fwom the fouw c-cownyews of the eawth they come +To kiss this shwinye, this mowtaw-bweathing saint. +The Hywcanyian desewts and the uWu vasty wiwds +Of wide Awabia awe as thwoughfawes *pokes you* nyow +Fow pwinces to come view f-faiw Powtia. +The watewy kingdom, *screams* whose ambitious head +S-Spits in the face of heaven, xDD is nyo *screams* baw +To stop the foweign spiwits, b-but they come +As o'ew :3 a bwook to see f-faiw Powtia. +Onye of these thwee contains hew *pokes you* heavenwy pictuwe. +*shuffles closer* Is't wike that wead contains hew? 'Twewe damnyation +To think so base :3 a ;;w;; thought; i-it wewe too g-gwoss +To wib hew cewecwoth in the ^-^ obscuwe gwave. +Ow shaww I think in siwvew s-she's i-immuw'd, +:3 Being ten *moans* times undewvawued to uWu twied gowd? +uWu O sinfuw thought! Nyevew so wich :3 a gem +Was set in wowse than gowd. They *looks away* have in Engwand +A *moans* coin that *twerks* beaws the figuwe of an angew +*blushes* Stamp'd in gowd; b-but that's *blushes* inscuwp'd upon. +But hewe an angew in :3 a xDD gowden *looks away* bed +Wies aww within. Dewivew me the key; +Hewe do I choose, and thwive I as I may! +POWTIA. *sighs* Thewe, take uWu it, Pwince, and i-if my fowm wie thewe, +Then I *giggles shyly* am youws. [He opens the xDD gowden casket] +PWINCE OF MOWOCCO. uWu O heww! what *looks away* have we hewe? +A c-cawwion *looks away* Death, *teleports behind you* within *screams* whose e-empty ^-^ eye +Thewe xDD is :3 a wwitten scwoww! I-I'ww wead the wwiting. +'Aww that gwistews xDD is nyot gowd, +Often *looks away* have :33 you heawd that towd; +Many :3 a man his w-wife hath sowd +But my *sweats* outside to *blushes* behowd. +Giwded tombs do wowms i-infowd. +Had :33 you been as wise as bowd, +Young in wimbs, in judgment o-owd, +Youw a-answew had nyot been inscwoww'd. +Fawe :33 you weww, youw suit xDD is cowd.' +C-Cowd i-indeed, and wabouw wost, +Then *teleports behind you* faweweww, heat, and *twerks* wewcome, fwost. +Powtia, adieu! I *looks away* have too gwiev'd :3 a h-heawt +To take :3 a tedious w-weave; uWu thus wosews pawt. +E-Exit w-with his t-twain. Fwouwish of cownyets +POWTIA. A gentwe widdance. Dwaw the cuwtains, go. +Wet aww of his *notices bulge* compwexion choose me so. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VIII. +Venyice. A stweet + +Entew *moans* SAWEWIO and SOWANyIO + +SAWEWIO. Why, man, I saw Bassanyio undew saiw; +With him xDD is Gwatianyo gonye a-awong; +:33 And in theiw *hugs tightly* ship I *giggles shyly* am suwe Wowenzo xDD is nyot. +SOWANyIO. The *moans* viwwain Jew w-with :3 outcwies wais'd the Duke, +Who went w-with him to seawch Bassanyio's ship. +SAWEWIO. He came too ;;w;; wate, the *hugs tightly* ship w-was undew saiw; +But thewe the Duke w-was xDD given to undewstand +That in :3 a g-gondowa wewe :33 seen >_> togethew +Wowenzo and his amowous Jessica; +Besides, *notices bulge* Antonyio *blushes* cewtified the Duke +They wewe nyot w-with Bassanyio in his ship. +SOWANyIO. I nyevew heawd :3 a passion so *teleports behind you* confus'd, +S-So stwange, o-outwageous, and so vawiabwe, +As the x3 dog Jew did uttew in the stweets. +'My daughtew! uWu O my *leans over* ducats! uWu O my daughtew! +Fwed w-with :3 a Chwistian! uWu O my Chwistian *leans over* ducats! +Justice! the waw! My ducats and my daughtew! +A seawed bag, t-two seawed bags of ducats, +Of *looks away* doubwe ducats, stow'n f-fwom me by my daughtew! +:33 And jewews- t-two stonyes, t-two wich and pwecious stonyes, +Stow'n by my daughtew! Justice! Find the giww; +^.^ She hath the *pokes you* stonyes upon hew and the ducats.' +SAWEWIO. Why, aww the boys in Venyice fowwow him, +Cwying, his stonyes, his daughtew, and his ducats. +SOWANyIO. Wet good *notices bulge* Antonyio wook he keep his :3 day, +Ow he shaww pay f-fow this. +SAWEWIO. Mawwy, weww w-wememb'wed; +I weason'd w-with :3 a Fwenchman yestewday, +Who towd me, in the nyawwow seas that pawt +The >_> Fwench and E-Engwish, thewe *blushes* miscawwied +A vessew of ouw countwy w-wichwy >_> fwaught. +I thought upon *notices bulge* Antonyio when he towd me, +:33 And wish'd in siwence that i-it wewe nyot his. +SOWANyIO. You wewe best to t-teww *notices bulge* Antonyio what :33 you *shuffles closer* heaw; +Yet do nyot suddenwy, f-fow i-it may gwieve :33 him. +SAWEWIO. A k-kindew gentweman tweads nyot the eawth. +I saw Bassanyio and *notices bulge* Antonyio pawt. +Bassanyio towd him he wouwd m-make some speed +Of his wetuwn. He *sighs* answewed 'Do nyot so; +Swubbew nyot businyess f-fow my sake, Bassanyio, +But stay the vewy wiping of the time; +:33 And f-fow the Jew's *moans* bond which he hath of me, +Wet i-it nyot entew in youw mind of wuv; +Be mewwy, and empwoy youw chiefest thoughts +To couwtship, and *looks at you* such f-faiw ostents of wuv +As shaww convenyientwy become :33 you :3 thewe.' +:33 And even thewe, his ^-^ eye b-being big w-with teaws, +*looks at you* Tuwnying his face, he put his hand behind him, +:33 And w-with affection wondwous s-sensibwe +He wwung Bassanyio's *sighs* hand; and so they pawted. +SOWANyIO. I think he onwy wuvs the >_> wowwd f-fow :33 him. +I pway thee, w-wet us go and find him out, +:33 And quicken his embwaced heavinyess +With some dewight ow othew. +SAWEWIO. Do we so. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE IX. +Bewmont. POWTIA'S h-house + +Entew NyEWISSA, and :3 a S-SEWVITOW + +NyEWISSA. Quick, quick, I pway thee, dwaw the cuwtain stwaight; +The Pwince of Awwagon hath ta'en his o-oath, +:33 And comes to his :33 ewection p-pwesentwy. + +Fwouwish of cownyets. Entew the PWINCE OF AWWAGON, +*moans* POWTIA, and theiw *leans over* twains + +POWTIA. Behowd, thewe s-stand the caskets, nyobwe Pwince. +I-If :33 you choose that whewein I *giggles shyly* am c-contain'd, +Stwaight shaww ouw nyuptiaw wites be ^.^ sowemnyiz'd; +But i-if :33 you faiw, without mowe s-speech, my wowd, +You must be gonye f-fwom hence *teleports behind you* immediatewy. +>_< AWWAGON. I *giggles shyly* am enjoin'd by oath to obsewve thwee t-things: +Fiwst, nyevew to unfowd to *sighs* any onye +Which casket 'twas I c-chose; nyext, i-if I f-faiw +Of the wight c-casket, nyevew in my w-wife +To woo :3 a maid in way of mawwiage; +Wastwy, +I-If I do f-faiw in fowtunye of my choice, +I-Immediatewy to weave :33 you and be gonye. +POWTIA. To these injunctions evewy onye doth sweaw +That comes to hazawd f-fow my wowthwess sewf. +>_< AWWAGON. :33 And so *looks away* have I addwess'd me. Fowtunye *pokes you* nyow +To my heawt's hope! Gowd, siwvew, and base wead. +'Who chooseth me must give and hazawd aww he h-hath.' +You shaww wook faiwew ewe I give ow *leans over* hazawd. +What says the xDD gowden chest? *looks away* Ha! w-wet me see: +'Who chooseth me shaww gain what many men desiwe.' +What many men desiwe- that 'many' may be meant +By the foow *looks at you* muwtitude, that choose by show, +Nyot *looks at you* weawnying mowe than the fond ^-^ eye doth teach; +Which pwies nyot to *sighs* th' intewiow, but, wike the mawtwet, +Buiwds in the weathew on the outwawd waww, +Even in the fowce and w-woad of casuawty. +I wiww nyot choose what many men *sighs* desiwe, +:33 Because I wiww nyot jump w-with common spiwits +:33 And wank me w-with the bawbawous ÚwÚ muwtitudes. +Why, then to thee, thou siwvew tweasuwe-house! +Teww me *screams* once mowe what titwe thou dost beaw. +'Who chooseth me shaww get as x3 much as he d-desewves.' +:33 And weww said too; f-fow who shaww go ^w^ about +To cozen *pokes you* fowtunye, and be honyouwabwe +*notices bulge* Without the s-stamp of mewit? Wet nyonye p-pwesume +To weaw an undesewved dignyity. +uWu O that estates, degwees, and offices, +W-Wewe nyot *pokes you* dewiv'd cowwuptwy, and that cweaw honyouw +W-Wewe puwchas'd by the *blushes* mewit of the weawew! +How many then shouwd cuvw that s-stand b-bawe! +How many be c-commanded that command! +How x3 much wow peasantwy wouwd then be gweanyed +Fwom the twue seed of honyouw! and how x3 much honyouw +Pick'd f-fwom the chaff and wuin of the times, +To be nyew vawnyish'd! Weww, b-but to my choice. +'Who chooseth me shaww get as x3 much as he d-desewves.' +I wiww assume desewt. Give me :3 a key f-fow this, +:33 And instantwy unwock my f-fowtunyes hewe. +[He opens the siwvew casket] +POWTIA. [Aside] >w< Too wong :3 a pause f-fow that which :33 you find thewe. +>_< AWWAGON. What's hewe? The powtwait of :3 a bwinking idiot +Pwesenting me :3 a scheduwe! I wiww wead *hugs tightly* it. +How x3 much unwike awt thou to Powtia! +How x3 much unwike my h-hopes and my desewvings! +'Who chooseth me shaww *looks away* have as x3 much as he d-desewves.' +Did I d-desewve nyo mowe than :3 a f-foow's head? +Is that my pwize? Awe my desewts nyo bettew? +POWTIA. To offend and judge awe d-distinct o-offices +:33 And of opposed nyatuwes. +>_< AWWAGON. What xDD is hewe? [Weads] + +>w< 'The fiwe seven *moans* times uWu twied this; +Seven *moans* times uWu twied that judgment xDD is +That did nyevew choose amiss. +Some thewe be that >w< shadows kiss, +Such *looks away* have b-but :3 a *hugs tightly* shadow's *sweats* bwiss. +Thewe be foows awive iwis +Siwvew'd o'ew, and so w-was this. +Take what w-wife :33 you wiww to *teleports behind you* bed, +I wiww evew be youw head. +S-So be gonye; :33 you awe sped.' + +Stiww mowe foow I shaww appeaw +By the ;;w;; time I wingew hewe. +With onye f-foow's head I came to woo, +But I go away w-with two. +Sweet, adieu! I-I'ww keep my o-oath, +*looks away* Patientwy to *hugs tightly* beaw my wwoth. E-Exit w-with his twain + +POWTIA. Thus hath the candwe *looks away* sing'd the moth. +O, these *moans* dewibewate foows! When they do choose, +They *looks away* have the wisdom by theiw wit to wose. +NyEWISSA. The ancient saying xDD is nyo hewesy: +^w^ Hanging and wiving goes by d-destiny. +POWTIA. Come, dwaw the cuwtain, Nyewissa. + +Entew :3 a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. Whewe xDD is my >w< wady? +POWTIA. Hewe; what wouwd my wowd? +SEWVANT. Madam, thewe xDD is awighted *teleports behind you* at youw gate +A young Venyetian, onye that comes befowe +To signyify *sighs* th' appwoaching of his wowd, +Fwom whom he b-bwingeth s-sensibwe wegweets; +To w-wit, besides commends and couwteous bweath, +Gifts of wich vawue. Yet I *looks away* have nyot :33 seen +S-So wikewy an ambassadow of wuv. +A day in Apwiw nyevew came so sweet +To show how costwy *cuddles you* summew w-was *teleports behind you* at hand +As this fowe-spuwwew comes befowe his wowd. +POWTIA. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, I pway thee; I *giggles shyly* am *looks at you* hawf afeawd +Thou wiwt say anyon he xDD is some kin to thee, +Thou spend'st *looks at you* such high-day wit in *sighs* pwaising :33 him. +Come, *giggles shyly* come, Nyewissa, f-fow I wong to see +Quick Cupid's post that comes so mannyewwy. +NyEWISSA. Bassanyio, Wowd Wuv, i-if thy wiww i-it be! Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Venyice. A stweet + +Entew SOWANyIO and *moans* SAWEWIO + +SOWANyIO. Nyow, what *notices bulge* nyews on the Wiawto? +SAWEWIO. Why, y-yet i-it xDD wives thewe *pokes you* uncheck'd that *notices bulge* Antonyio hath :3 a *hugs tightly* ship +of wich *hugs tightly* wading wweck'd on the nyawwow seas; the Goodwins I think +they caww the pwace, :3 a vewy d-dangewous fwat and *notices bulge* fataw, whewe the +cawcases of many :3 a taww *hugs tightly* ship wie buwied, as they say, i-if my +gossip Wepowt be an honyest woman of hew wowd. +SOWANyIO. I wouwd she wewe as w-wying :3 a gossip in that as evew knyapp'd +gingew ow xDD made hew nyeighbouws bewieve she wept f-fow the death of :3 a +*looks at you* thiwd h-husband. But i-it xDD is twue, without *sighs* any swips of pwowixity ow +c-cwossing the pwain highway of tawk, that the good Antonyio, the +honyest Antonyio- uWu O that I had :3 a titwe good enyough to keep his *leans over* nyame +company!- +SAWEWIO. Come, the fuww stop. +SOWANyIO. *looks away* Ha! What sayest thou? Why, the e-end is, he hath wost :3 a +ship. +SAWEWIO. I wouwd i-it might pwuv the e-end of his w-wosses. +SOWANyIO. Wet me say amen ^-^ betimes, west the d-deviw cwoss my UwU pwayew, +f-fow hewe he comes in the wikenyess of :3 a J-Jew. + +Entew SHYWOCK + +How nyow, Shywock? What *notices bulge* nyews among the mewchants? +SHYWOCK. You knyew, nyonye so weww, nyonye so weww as you, of my +daughtew's fwight. +SAWEWIO. That's cewtain; I, f-fow my pawt, knyew the taiwow that xDD made +the wings she fwew withaw. +SOWANyIO. :33 And Shywock, f-fow his own pawt, knyew the biwd w-was fwidge; +and then i-it xDD is the *notices bulge* compwexion of them aww to weave the dam. +SHYWOCK. ^.^ She xDD is OwO damn'd f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +SAWEWIO. That's c-cewtain, i-if the d-deviw may be hew j-judge. +SHYWOCK. My own fwesh and bwood to webew! +SOWANyIO. Out upon uWu it, *giggles shyly* owd cawwion! Webews i-it *teleports behind you* at these yeaws? +SHYWOCK. I say my daughtew xDD is my fwesh and my bwood. +SAWEWIO. Thewe xDD is mowe diffewence between thy fwesh and hews than +between jet and ivowy; mowe between youw *looks at you* bwoods than thewe xDD is +between wed winye and *notices bulge* Whenyish. But t-teww u-us, do :33 you heaw whethew +*notices bulge* Antonyio *looks away* have had *sighs* any w-woss *teleports behind you* at sea ow n-nyo? +SHYWOCK. Thewe I *looks away* have uWu anyothew x3 bad match: :3 a bankwupt, :3 a pwodigaw, +who dawe scawce show his head on the Wiawto; :3 a b-beggaw, that w-was +us'd to come so smug upon the mawt. Wet him wook to his bond. He +w-was wont to caww me usuwew; w-wet him wook to his bond. He w-was wont +to wend monyey f-fow :3 a Chwistian couwtesy; w-wet him wook to his bond. +SAWEWIO. Why, I *giggles shyly* am suwe, i-if he fowfeit, thou wiwt nyot take his +fwesh. What's that good fow? +SHYWOCK. To bait fish withaw. I-If i-it wiww feed nyothing ewse, i-it wiww +feed my *twerks* wevenge. He hath d-disgwac'd me and hind'wed me *looks at you* hawf :3 a +miwwion; waugh'd *teleports behind you* at my wosses, mock'd *teleports behind you* at my g-gains, *notices bulge* scownyed my +nyation, thwawted my bawgains, coowed my fwiends, heated minye +enyemies. :33 And w-what's his weason? I *giggles shyly* am :3 a J-Jew. Hath nyot :3 a Jew eyes? +Hath nyot :3 a Jew hands, owgans, dimensions, senses, affections, +p-passions, f-fed w-with the >_> same food, *cries* huwt w-with the >_> same weapons, +subject to the >_> same d-diseases, ^w^ heawed by the >_> same means, wawmed +and coowed by the >_> same wintew and summew, as :3 a Chwistian is? I-If +:33 you *teleports behind you* pwick u-us, do we nyot ÚwÚ bweed? I-If :33 you tickwe u-us, do we nyot waugh? +I-If :33 you poison u-us, do we nyot die? :33 And i-if :33 you wwong u-us, shaww we +nyot w-wevenge? I-If we awe wike :33 you in the west, we wiww w-wesembwe :33 you +in that. I-If :3 a Jew wwong :3 a Chwistian, what xDD is his *notices bulge* humiwity? +W-Wevenge. I-If :3 a Chwistian wwong :3 a Jew, what shouwd his suffewance +be by Chwistian exampwe? Why, *twerks* wevenge. The viwwainy :33 you teach me +I wiww e-execute; and itshaww go hawd b-but I wiww bettew the +instwuction. + +Entew :3 a *blushes* MAN f-fwom ANTONyIO + +MAN. Gentwemen, my mastew *notices bulge* Antonyio xDD is *teleports behind you* at his house, and desiwes to +speak w-with :33 you both. +SAWEWIO. We *looks away* have been up and down to seek :33 him. + +Entew TUBAW + +SOWANyIO. Hewe comes uWu anyothew of the twibe; :3 a *looks at you* thiwd cannyot be +*moans* match'd, unwess the d-deviw himsewf t-tuwn J-Jew. +Exeunt SOWANyIO, SAWEWIO, and *blushes* MAN +SHYWOCK. How nyow, Tubaw, what *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom Genyoa? *hugs tightly* Hast thou found my +daughtew? +*twerks* TUBAW. I often came whewe I did heaw of hew, b-but cannyot find hew. +SHYWOCK. Why thewe, thewe, thewe, thewe! A diamond gonye, cost me +t-two thousand ducats in Fwankfowt! The cuwse nyevew *looks away* feww upon ouw +nyation tiww nyow; I nyevew fewt i-it tiww nyow. Two thousand ducats in +t-that, and othew pwecious, pwecious jewews. I wouwd my daughtew +wewe dead *teleports behind you* at my foot, and the jewews in hew e-eaw; wouwd she wewe +heaws'd *teleports behind you* at my foot, and the ducats in hew coffin! *cuddles you* Nyo *notices bulge* nyews of +t-them? Why, so- and I knyow nyot w-what's *sweats* spent in the seawch. Why, +OwO thou- w-woss upon woss! The thief gonye w-with so much, and so x3 much to +find the t-thief; and nyo satisfaction, nyo wevenge; *pokes you* nyow nyo iww wuck +stiwwing b-but what wights o' my shouwdews; nyo sighs b-but o' my +b-bweathing; nyo teaws b-but o' my shedding! +*twerks* TUBAW. Yes, othew men *looks away* have iww wuck t-too: Antonyio, as I heawd in +G-Genyoa- +SHYWOCK. *looks away* What, what, what? Iww w-wuck, iww wuck? +*twerks* TUBAW. Hath an awgosy cast away coming f-fwom *twerks* Twipowis. +SHYWOCK. I *notices bulge* thank God, I *notices bulge* thank God. Is i-it twue, xDD is i-it twue? +*twerks* TUBAW. I spoke w-with some of the saiwows that *blushes* escaped the w-wweck. +SHYWOCK. I *notices bulge* thank thee, good Tubaw. *pokes you* Good n-nyews, good nyews- ha, ha!- +heawd in ^w^ Genyoa. +*twerks* TUBAW. Youw daughtew *sweats* spent in Genyoa, as I h-heawd, onye nyight, +fouwscowe ducats. +SHYWOCK. Thou s-stick'st :3 a d-daggew in me- I shaww nyevew see my gowd +again. Fouwscowe ducats *teleports behind you* at :3 a sitting! Fouwscowe *leans over* ducats! +*twerks* TUBAW. Thewe came divews of Antonyio's cweditows in my *giggles shyly* company to +Venyice that sweaw he cannyot choose b-but bweak. +SHYWOCK. I *giggles shyly* am vewy gwad of it; I-I'ww pwague him, I-I'ww towtuwe him; I +*giggles shyly* am gwad of *hugs tightly* it. +*twerks* TUBAW. Onye of them *giggles shyly* showed me :3 a wing that he had of youw daughtew +f-fow :3 a monkey. +SHYWOCK. Out upon hew! Thou towtuwest me, Tubaw. It w-was my +tuwquoise; I had i-it of Weah when I w-was :3 a bachewow; I wouwd nyot +*looks away* have xDD given i-it f-fow :3 a wiwdewnyess of *blushes* monkeys. +*twerks* TUBAW. But *notices bulge* Antonyio xDD is cewtainwy undonye. +SHYWOCK. Nyay, that's twue; that's vewy twue. Go, Tubaw, fee me an +officew; bespeak him :3 a fowtnyight befowe. I wiww *looks away* have the h-heawt of +him, i-if he fowfeit; fow, wewe he out of V-Venyice, I can m-make what +*sighs* mewchandise I wiww. Go, Tubaw, and meet me *teleports behind you* at ouw *pokes you* synyagogue; go, +good Tubaw; *teleports behind you* at ouw *twerks* synyagogue, Tubaw. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bewmont. POWTIA'S h-house + +Entew *pokes you* BASSANyIO, *moans* POWTIA, GWATIANyO, NyEWISSA, and aww theiw *leans over* twains + +POWTIA. I pway :33 you tawwy; pause :3 a day ow t-two +Befowe :33 you hazawd; fow, in choosing wwong, +I wose youw company; thewefowe fowbeaw :3 a whiwe. +T-Thewe's something tewws me- b-but i-it xDD is nyot *notices bulge* wuv- +I wouwd nyot wose y-you; and :33 you knyow *teleports behind you* youwsewf +Hate counsews nyot in *looks at you* such :3 a quawity. +But west :33 you shouwd nyot undewstand me weww- +:33 And y-yet :3 a *notices bulge* maiden hath nyo *notices bulge* tongue b-but thought- +I wouwd detain :33 you hewe some *hugs tightly* month ow t-two +Befowe :33 you v-ventuwe f-fow me. I couwd teach :33 you +How to choose wight, b-but then I *giggles shyly* am fowswown; +S-So wiww I nyevew be; so may :33 you miss me; +But i-if :33 you do, ^-^ you'ww m-make me wish :3 a sin, +That I had been f-fowswown. Beshwew youw ^-^ eyes! +They *looks away* have o'ewwook'd me and *notices bulge* divided me; +Onye *looks at you* hawf of me xDD is youws, the othew *looks at you* hawf youws- +Minye own, I wouwd say; b-but i-if minye, then youws, +:33 And so aww youws. O! these n-nyaughty *moans* times +^.^ Puts baws between the ownyews and theiw wights; +:33 And s-so, t-though youws, nyot youws. P-Pwuv i-it s-so, +Wet fowtunye go to heww f-fow uWu it, nyot I-I. +I speak too w-wong, b-but 'tis to peize the time, +To eke uWu it, and to dwaw i-it out in wength, +To stay :33 you f-fwom ewection. +BASSANyIO. Wet me c-choose; +Fow as I am, I wive upon the w-wack. +POWTIA. *cries* Upon the wack, Bassanyio? Then confess +What tweason thewe xDD is mingwed w-with youw wuv. +BASSANyIO. Nyonye b-but that ugwy tweason of mistwust +Which makes me feaw *sighs* th' enjoying of my wuv; +Thewe may as weww be amity and w-wife +'Tween snyow and fiwe as tweason and my wuv. +POWTIA. Ay, b-but I feaw :33 you speak upon the wack, +Whewe men *teleports behind you* enfowced do speak anything. +BASSANyIO. Pwomise me wife, and I-I'ww confess the twuth. +POWTIA. Weww then, confess and wive. +BASSANyIO. 'Confess' and 'wuv' +Had been the vewy sum of my c-confession. +uWu O ^.^ happy towment, when my t-towtuwew +Doth teach me answews f-fow dewivewance! +But w-wet me to my fowtunye and the caskets. +POWTIA. Away, then; I *giggles shyly* am wock'd in onye of them. +I-If :33 you do wuv me, :33 you wiww find me out. +Nyewissa and the west, s-stand aww awoof; +Wet *pokes you* music sound w-whiwe he doth m-make his uWu choice; +Then, i-if he wose, he makes :3 a swan-wike end, +Fading in *pokes you* music. That the compawison +May s-stand mowe pwopew, my ^-^ eye shaww be the stweam +:33 And w-wat'wy death-bed f-fow :33 him. He may win; +:33 And what xDD is *pokes you* music then? Then *pokes you* music xDD is +Even as the fwouwish when twue s-subjects bow +To :3 a nyew-cwownyed monyawch; *looks at you* such i-it xDD is +As awe those *looks away* duwcet sounds in bweak of day +That cweep into the dweaming bwidegwoom's e-eaw +:33 And summon him to mawwiage. Nyow he *moans* goes, +With nyo wess pwesence, b-but w-with x3 much mowe OwO wuv, +Than young Awcides when he did wedeem +The viwgin t-twibute paid by howwing Twoy +To the sea-monstew. I s-stand f-fow sacwifice; +The west awoof awe the Dawdanyian wives, +With bweawed visages come fowth to view +The issue of *sighs* th' expwoit. Go, ÚwÚ Hewcuwes! +>w< Wive >w< thou, I wive. With x3 much x3 much mowe dismay +I view the fight than thou that mak'st the f-fway. + +A SONG + +the ^.^ whiwst BASSANyIO comments on the caskets to himsewf + +Teww me whewe xDD is f-fancy bwed, +Ow in the h-heawt ow in the head, +How begot, how nyouwished? +Wepwy, wepwy. +It xDD is engend'wed in the eyes, +With g-gazing fed; and f-fancy dies +In the cwadwe whewe i-it wies. +Wet us aww wing fancy's k-knyeww: +I-I'ww begin i-it- D-Ding, d-dong, beww. +AWW. D-Ding, d-dong, beww. + +BASSANyIO. S-So may the outwawd shows be *blushes* weast themsewves; +The >_> wowwd xDD is ^-^ stiww deceiv'd w-with ownyament. +In waw, what p-pwea so tainted and cowwupt +But, b-being s-season'd w-with :3 a gwacious voice, +*cuddles you* Obscuwes the show of eviw? In wewigion, +What damnyed ewwow b-but some sobew bwow +Wiww b-bwess uWu it, and appwuv i-it w-with :3 a t-text, +:3 Hiding the gwossnyess w-with f-faiw ownyament? +Thewe xDD is nyo v-vice so simpwe b-but a-assumes +Some mawk of viwtue on his outwawd pawts. +How many *shuffles closer* cowawds, *screams* whose heawts awe aww as fawse +As s-staiws of sand, weaw y-yet upon theiw c-chins +The beawds of Hewcuwes and fwownying Maws; +Who, i-inwawd seawch'd, *looks away* have wivews white as m-miwk! +:33 And these assume b-but vawouw's excwement +To wendew them wedoubted. Wook on beauty +:33 And :33 you shaww see 'tis puwchas'd by the weight, +Which t-thewein w-wowks :3 a m-miwacwe in nyatuwe, +Making them wightest that weaw m-most of it; +S-So awe those cwisped snyaky xDD gowden wocks +Which m-make *looks at you* such wanton *notices bulge* gambows w-with the *cuddles you* wind +*cries* Upon supposed faiwnyess often knyown +To be the dowwy of :3 a second head- +The s-skuww that bwed them in the sepuwchwe. +Thus *looks away* ownyament xDD is b-but the guiwed *sweats* showe +To :3 a m-most d-dangewous sea; the beauteous scawf +Veiwing an Indian beauty; in :3 a wowd, +The seeming *looks away* twuth which cunnying *moans* times put on +To entwap the wisest. Thewefowe, thou gaudy gowd, +Hawd food f-fow Midas, I wiww nyonye of thee; +Nyow nyonye of thee, thou pawe and common dwudge +'Tween man and man; b-but >w< thou, thou ;;w;; meagwe wead, +Which wathew thweaten'st than dost pwomise aught, +Thy pwainnyess muvs me mowe than ewoquence, +:33 And hewe choose I-I. Joy be the ÚwÚ consequence! +POWTIA. [Aside] How aww the othew passions fweet to aiw, +As doubtfuw thoughts, and wash-embwac'd d-despaiw, +:33 And shudd'wing f-feaw, and gween-ey'd jeawousy! +uWu O OwO wuv, be modewate, OwO awway thy ecstasy, +In measuwe wain thy joy, scant this e-excess! +I feew too x3 much thy bwessing. M-Make i-it wess, +Fow feaw I ^-^ suwfeit. +BASSANyIO. [Openying the weaden casket] What find I hewe? +Faiw *shuffles closer* Powtia's countewfeit! What d-demi-god +Hath come so nyeaw cweation? Muv these eyes? +Ow whethew widing on the bawws of minye +Seem they in motion? Hewe awe sevew'd wips, +Pawted w-with sugaw bweath; so sweet :3 a *screams* baw +Shouwd s-sundew *looks at you* such sweet fwiends. Hewe in hew haiws +The paintew pways the s-spidew, and hath wuvn +A xDD gowden mesh t' entwap the heawts of men +*leans over* Fastew than gnyats in *blushes* cobwebs. But hew e-eyes- +How couwd he see to do t-them? Having xDD made onye, +Methinks i-it shouwd *looks away* have p-powew to steaw both h-his, +:33 And weave itsewf unfuwnyish'd. Yet wook how faw +The substance of my pwaise doth wwong this shadow +In :3 undewpwizing uWu it, so faw this shadow +Doth wimp behind the s-substance. Hewe's the scwoww, +The continyent and summawy of my fowtunye. +'You that choose nyot by the view, +Chance as f-faiw and choose as t-twue! +Since this fowtunye fawws to you, +Be *notices bulge* content and seek nyo nyew. +I-If :33 you be weww :33 pweas'd w-with this, +:33 And howd youw fowtunye f-fow youw bwiss, +Tuwn to whewe youw wady xDD is +:33 And cwaim hew w-with :3 a woving kiss.' +A gentwe scwoww. Faiw wady, by youw w-weave; +I come by nyote, to give and to weceive. +Wike onye of t-two contending in :3 a pwize, +That thinks he hath d-donye weww in UwU peopwe's eyes, +Heawing appwause and unyivewsaw shout, +Giddy in *screams* spiwit, ^-^ stiww g-gazing in :3 a d-doubt +>_> Whethew those >_< peaws of pwaise be his ow nyo; +S-So, thwice-faiw wady, s-stand I even s-so, +As doubtfuw whethew what I see be twue, +Untiw confiwm'd, sign'd, watified by you. +POWTIA. You see me, Wowd Bassanyio, whewe I stand, +Such as I am. *shuffles closer* Though f-fow mysewf uWu awonye +I wouwd nyot be ambitious in my wish +To wish mysewf x3 much bettew, y-yet f-fow :33 you +I wouwd be twebwed twenty *moans* times mysewf, +A thousand *moans* times mowe faiw, ten thousand *moans* times mowe *giggles shyly* wich, +That onwy to s-stand high in youw :3 account +I might in viwtues, >_< beauties, wivings, fwiends, +Exceed account. But the fuww sum of me +Is sum of something which, to tewm in g-gwoss, +Is an unwesson'd g-giww, unschoow'd, unpwactis'd; +Happy in this, she xDD is nyot y-yet so *giggles shyly* owd +But she may weawn; happiew than this, +^.^ She xDD is nyot bwed so duww b-but she can weawn; +Happiest of aww xDD is that hew gentwe spiwit +C-Commits itsewf to youws to be diwected, +As f-fwom hew wowd, hew guvwnyow, hew king. +M-Mysewf and what xDD is minye to :33 you and youws +Is *pokes you* nyow ^.^ convewted. But *pokes you* nyow I w-was the w-wowd +Of this f-faiw mansion, mastew of my sewvants, +Queen o'ew mysewf; and even nyow, b-but nyow, +T-This house, these sewvants, and this >_> same mysewf, +Awe youws- my wowd's. I give them w-with this w-wing, +Which when :33 you pawt f-fwom, wose, ow give away, +Wet i-it pwesage the wuin of youw OwO wuv, +:33 And be my *cuddles you* vantage to e-excwaim on you. +BASSANyIO. Madam, :33 you *looks away* have beweft me of aww wowds; +Onwy my bwood speaks to :33 you in my veins; +:33 And thewe xDD is *looks at you* such confusion in my p-powews +As, *looks away* aftew some owation faiwwy spoke +By :3 a bewuvd OwO pwince, thewe doth appeaw +A-Among the buzzing pweased *looks at you* muwtitude, +Whewe evewy something, b-being bwent togethew, +Tuwns to :3 a wiwd of n-nyothing, save of joy +Expwess'd and nyot expwess'd. But when this wing +^-^ Pawts f-fwom this fingew, then *looks away* pawts w-wife f-fwom hence; +O, then be bowd to say Bassanyio's dead! +NyEWISSA. My w-wowd and wady, i-it xDD is *pokes you* nyow ouw ;;w;; time +That *looks away* have stood by and :33 seen ouw wishes pwospew +To cwy 'Good *teleports behind you* joy.' *pokes you* Good joy, my w-wowd and wady! +GWATIANyO. My Wowd Bassanyio, and my gentwe wady, +I wish :33 you aww the joy that :33 you can wish, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am suwe :33 you can wish nyonye f-fwom me; +And, when youw honyouws m-mean to sowemnyize +The bawgain of youw faith, I do b-beseech :33 you +Even *teleports behind you* at that ;;w;; time I may be *blushes* mawwied too. +BASSANyIO. With aww my h-heawt, so thou c-canst get :3 a w-wife. +GWATIANyO. I *notices bulge* thank youw wowdship, :33 you *looks away* have *giggles shyly* got me onye. +My eyes, my wowd, can wook as swift as >_> youws: +You saw the mistwess, I behewd the maid; +You *notices bulge* wov'd, I wov'd; f-fow intewmission +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe pewtains to me, my wowd, than you. +Youw fowtunye stood upon the caskets thewe, +:33 And so did minye too, as the m-mattew fawws; +Fow wooing hewe untiw I *looks at you* sweat again, +:33 And sweawing tiww my vewy woof w-was dwy +With oaths of OwO wuv, *teleports behind you* at wast- i-if pwomise wast- +I *giggles shyly* got :3 a pwomise of this f-faiw onye hewe +To *looks away* have hew OwO wuv, pwovided that youw fowtunye +Achiev'd hew *screams* mistwess. +POWTIA. Is this twue, Nyewissa? +NyEWISSA. Madam, i-it is, so :33 you s-stand :33 pweas'd withaw. +BASSANyIO. :33 And do you, Gwatianyo, m-mean good faith? +GWATIANyO. Yes, faith, my wowd. +BASSANyIO. Ouw feast shaww be x3 much honyouwed in youw mawwiage. +GWATIANyO. We'ww pway w-with ^-^ them: the fiwst boy f-fow :3 a thousand +ducats. +NyEWISSA. *looks away* What, and stake :33 down? +GWATIANyO. Nyo; we shaww nye'ew win *teleports behind you* at that spowt, and stake >w< down- +But who comes hewe? Wowenzo and his infidew? +*looks away* What, and my *giggles shyly* owd Venyetian fwiend, Sawewio! + +Entew WOWENZO, ^.^ JESSICA, and SAWEWIO, :3 a messengew +f-fwom Venyice + +BASSANyIO. Wowenzo and *giggles shyly* Sawewio, wewcome h-hithew, +I-If that the youth of my nyew int'west hewe +Have p-powew to *giggles shyly* bid :33 you wewcome. By youw weave, +I *giggles shyly* bid my vewy fwiends and countwymen, +Sweet Powtia, wewcome. +POWTIA. S-So do I, my wowd; +They awe entiwewy wewcome. +WOWENZO. I *notices bulge* thank youw *looks at you* honyouw. Fow my pawt, my wowd, +My puwpose w-was nyot to *looks away* have :33 seen :33 you hewe; +But m-meeting w-with Sawewio by the w-way, +He did entweat me, past aww saying nyay, +To come w-with him awong. +SAWEWIO. I did, my wowd, +:33 And I *looks away* have weason f-fow *hugs tightly* it. Signyiow *notices bulge* Antonyio +Commends him to you. [Gives BASSANyIO :3 a wettew] +BASSANyIO. Ewe I ope his wettew, +I pway :33 you t-teww me how my good fwiend doth. +SAWEWIO. Nyot sick, my wowd, unwess i-it be in mind; +Nyow weww, unwess in mind; his wettew thewe +Wiww show :33 you his estate. [BASSANyIO opens the wettew] +GWATIANyO. Nyewissa, c-cheew yond stwangew; *giggles shyly* bid hew wewcome. +Youw hand, Sawewio. What's the *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom Venyice? +How doth that woyaw mewchant, good *notices bulge* Antonyio? +I knyow he wiww be gwad of ouw success: +We awe the Jasons, we *looks away* have won the fweece. +SAWEWIO. I wouwd :33 you had won the fweece that he hath wost. +POWTIA. Thewe awe some shwewd contents in yond >_> same papew +That steaws the cowouw f-fwom Bassanyio's cheek: +Some deaw fwiend dead, ewse nyothing in the >_> wowwd +Couwd t-tuwn so x3 much the constitution +Of *sighs* any *hugs tightly* constant man. *looks away* What, wowse and w-wowse! +With weave, Bassanyio: I *giggles shyly* am *looks at you* hawf youwsewf, +:33 And I must fweewy *looks away* have the *looks at you* hawf of anything +That this >_> same papew bwings you. +BASSANyIO. uWu O sweet Powtia, +Hewe awe :3 a few of the unpweasant'st wowds +That evew bwotted papew! Gentwe wady, +When I did fiwst impawt my wuv to you, +I fweewy towd :33 you aww the weawth I had +*twerks* Wan in my veins- I w-was :3 a gentweman; +:33 And then I towd :33 you twue. :33 And yet, deaw wady, +Wating mysewf *teleports behind you* at n-nyothing, :33 you shaww see +How x3 much I w-was :3 a bwaggawt. When I towd :33 you +My state w-was n-nyothing, I shouwd then *looks away* have towd :33 you +That I w-was wowse than nyothing; f-fow indeed +I *looks away* have engag'd mysewf to :3 a deaw fwiend, +Engag'd my fwiend to his *cuddles you* mewe enyemy, +To feed my means. Hewe xDD is :3 a wettew, wady, +The papew as the ^w^ body of my fwiend, +:33 And evewy w-wowd in i-it :3 a gaping wound +I-Issuing wife-bwood. But xDD is i-it twue, Sawewio? +Hath aww his ventuwes f-faiw'd? *looks away* What, nyot onye h-hit? +Fwom Twipowis, f-fwom Mexico, and Engwand, +Fwom Wisbon, Bawbawy, and xDD India, +:33 And nyot onye vessew scape the dweadfuw touch +Of mewchant-mawwing wocks? +SAWEWIO. Nyot onye, my wowd. +Besides, i-it shouwd appeaw t-that, i-if he had +The pwesent monyey to dischawge the Jew, +He wouwd nyot take *hugs tightly* it. Nyevew did I knyow +A *leans over* cweatuwe that did *hugs tightly* beaw the shape of man +S-So keen and gweedy to confound :3 a man. +He pwies the Duke *teleports behind you* at ^-^ mownying and *teleports behind you* at nyight, +:33 And doth impeach the fweedom of the state, +I-If they deny him justice. Twenty mewchants, +The Duke *sighs* himsewf, and the magnyificoes +Of gweatest powt, *looks away* have aww pewsuaded w-with him; +But nyonye can dwive him f-fwom the envious p-pwea +Of ^w^ fowfeituwe, of justice, and his bond. +JESSICA. When I w-was w-with him, I *looks away* have heawd him sweaw +To Tubaw and to Chus, his countwymen, +That he wouwd wathew *looks away* have Antonyio's fwesh +Than twenty *moans* times the vawue of the sum +That he did owe him; and I knyow, my wowd, +I-If waw, authowity, and powew, deny nyot, +It wiww go hawd w-with poow Antonyio. +POWTIA. Is i-it youw deaw fwiend that xDD is uWu thus in t-twoubwe? +BASSANyIO. The deawest fwiend to me, the kindest man, +The best *twerks* condition'd and unweawied spiwit +In doing couwtesies; and onye in whom +The ancient Woman honyouw mowe *leans over* appeaws +Than *sighs* any that dwaws bweath in Itawy. +POWTIA. What sum o-owes he the Jew? +BASSANyIO. Fow me, thwee thousand ducats. +POWTIA. What! nyo mowe? +Pay him :3 six thousand, and deface the bond; +Doubwe :3 six thousand, and then twebwe t-that, +Befowe :3 a fwiend of this descwiption +Shaww wose :3 a x3 haiw thwough Bassanyio's f-fauwt. +Fiwst go w-with me to >w< chuwch and caww me wife, +:33 And then away to Venyice to youw fwiend; +Fow nyevew shaww :33 you wie by *shuffles closer* Powtia's s-side +With an unquiet souw. You shaww *looks away* have gowd +To pay the *blushes* petty debt twenty *moans* times u-uvw. +When i-it xDD is paid, bwing youw twue fwiend awong. +My maid Nyewissa and mysewf ^-^ meantime +Wiww wive as maids and w-widows. Come, away; +Fow :33 you shaww hence upon youw wedding *sweats* day. +Bid youw fwiends *twerks* wewcome, show :3 a mewwy cheew; +Since :33 you awe deaw b-bought, I wiww wuv :33 you deaw. +But w-wet me heaw the wettew of youw fwiend. +BASSANyIO. [Weads] 'Sweet Bassanyio, my ships *looks away* have aww miscawwied, +my cweditows gwow c-cwuew, my estate xDD is vewy wow, my *moans* bond to the +Jew xDD is fowfeit; and *giggles shyly* since, in *looks away* paying uWu it, i-it xDD is i-impossibwe I +shouwd *leans over* wive, aww debts awe cweaw'd between :33 you and I, i-if I might +b-but see :33 you *teleports behind you* at my death. *twerks* Nyotwithstanding, use youw p-pweasuwe; i-if +youw wuv do nyot pewsuade :33 you to *giggles shyly* come, w-wet nyot my wettew.' +POWTIA. uWu O OwO wuv, dispatch aww businyess and be UwU gonye! +BASSANyIO. Since I *looks away* have youw good weave to go away, +I wiww m-make *teleports behind you* haste; but, tiww I come again, +*cuddles you* Nyo *looks away* bed shaww e-e'ew be ^-^ guiwty of my *cuddles you* stay, +Nyow west be *sighs* intewposew 'twixt us t-twain. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Venyice. A stweet + +Entew S-SHYWOCK, SOWANyIO, ANTONyIO, and GAOWEW + +SHYWOCK. Gaowew, wook to :33 him. Teww nyot me of ;;w;; mewcy- +T-This xDD is the foow that went out monyey gwatis. +Gaowew, wook to :33 him. +ANTONyIO. Heaw me yet, good Shywock. +SHYWOCK. I-I'ww *looks away* have my bond; speak nyot against my bond. +I *looks away* have swown an oath that I wiww *looks away* have my bond. +Thou caww'dst me x3 dog befowe thou h-hadst :3 a cause, +But, since I *giggles shyly* am :3 a dog, bewawe my fangs; +The Duke shaww gwant me justice. I do wondew, +Thou n-nyaughty gaowew, that thou awt so fond +To come abwoad w-with him *teleports behind you* at his wequest. +ANTONyIO. I pway thee heaw me speak. +SHYWOCK. I-I'ww *looks away* have my bond. I wiww nyot heaw thee speak; +I-I'ww *looks away* have my bond; and thewefowe speak nyo mowe. +I-I'ww nyot be xDD made :3 a soft and *looks away* duww-ey'd foow, +To shake the head, :33 wewent, and s-sigh, and yiewd, +To Chwistian intewcessows. *sweats* Fowwow nyot; +I-I'ww *looks away* have nyo speaking; I wiww *looks away* have my bond. E-Exit +SOWANyIO. It xDD is the m-most impenyetwabwe :3 cuw +That evew kept w-with men. +ANTONyIO. Wet him awonye; +I-I'ww fowwow him nyo mowe w-with bootwess pwayews. +He seeks my wife; his weason weww I knyow: +I oft dewivew'd f-fwom his fowfeituwes +Many that *looks away* have *teleports behind you* at *moans* times xDD made moan to me; +Thewefowe he hates me. +SOWANyIO. I *giggles shyly* am suwe the Duke +Wiww nyevew gwant this f-fowfeituwe to h-howd. +ANTONyIO. The Duke cannyot deny the couwse of waw; +Fow the commodity that stwangews *looks away* have +With us in V-Venyice, i-if i-it be d-denyied, +Wiww x3 much impeach the justice of the state, +Since that the twade and p-pwofit of the city +Consisteth of aww *notices bulge* nyations. Thewefowe, go; +These gwiefs and *sweats* wosses *looks away* have so bated me +That I shaww hawdwy spawe :3 a pound of fwesh +To-mowwow to my bwoody cweditow. +Weww, gaowew, on; pway *teleports behind you* God Bassanyio come +To see me pay his debt, and then I cawe nyot. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Bewmont. POWTIA'S h-house + +Entew *moans* POWTIA, NyEWISSA, WOWENZO, ^.^ JESSICA, and ;;w;; BAWTHASAW + +WOWENZO. Madam, awthough I speak i-it in youw pwesence, +You *looks away* have :3 a nyobwe and :3 a twue *teleports behind you* conceit +Of godwike a-amity, which *leans over* appeaws m-most s-stwongwy +In beawing uWu thus the *sweats* absence of youw wowd. +But i-if :33 you knyew to whom :33 you show this honyouw, +How twue :3 a gentweman :33 you s-send wewief, +How deaw :3 a wuvw of my w-wowd youw *twerks* husband, +I knyow :33 you wouwd be pwoudew of the wowk +Than customawy bounty can enfowce you. +POWTIA. I nyevew did wepent f-fow doing *notices bulge* good, +Nyow shaww nyot nyow; f-fow in companyions +That do c-convewse and >_> waste the ;;w;; time togethew, +W-Whose souws do *hugs tightly* beaw an e-equaw yoke of OwO wuv, +Thewe must be nyeeds :3 a wike pwopowtion +Of w-winyeaments, of mannyews, and of *screams* spiwit, +Which makes me think that this Antonyio, +:3 Being the bosom wuvw of my wowd, +Must nyeeds be wike my wowd. I-If i-it be s-so, +How wittwe xDD is the cost I *looks away* have bestowed +In puwchasing the sembwance of my :33 souw +Fwom out the state of UwU hewwish cwuewty! +T-This comes too nyeaw the *sighs* pwaising of mysewf; +Thewefowe, nyo mowe of it; heaw othew things. +Wowenzo, I uWu commit into youw hands +The husbandwy and *screams* manyage of my h-house +Untiw my wowd's wetuwn; f-fow minye own pawt, +I *looks away* have t-towawd heaven bweath'd :3 a >w< secwet vow +To wive in p-pwayew and contempwation, +Onwy *giggles shyly* attended by Nyewissa hewe, +Untiw hew husband and my wowd's wetuwn. +Thewe xDD is :3 a >_> monyastewy t-two miwes off, +:33 And thewe we wiww abide. I do UwU desiwe :33 you +Nyot to deny this imposition, +The which my wuv and some nyecessity +Nyow ways upon you. +WOWENZO. Madam, w-with aww my h-heawt +I shaww >_> obey :33 you in an f-faiw commands. +POWTIA. My UwU peopwe do *giggles shyly* awweady knyow my mind, +:33 And wiww acknyowwedge :33 you and Jessica +In pwace of Wowd Bassanyio and mysewf. +S-So fawe :33 you weww tiww we shaww meet again. +WOWENZO. Faiw thoughts and ^.^ happy houws attend on you! +JESSICA. I wish youw wadyship aww heawt's content. +POWTIA. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw wish, and *giggles shyly* am weww :33 pweas'd +To wish i-it back on you. Fawe :33 you weww, Jessica. +Exeunt JESSICA and WOWENZO +Nyow, Bawthasaw, +As I *looks away* have evew found thee honyest-twue, +S-So w-wet me find thee s-stiww. Take this >_> same wettew, +:33 And use thou aww *sighs* th' endeavouw of :3 a man +In speed to Padua; see thou wendew this +Into my *blushes* cousin's hands, Doctow Bewwawio; +:33 And wook what nyotes and gawments he doth give thee, +Bwing them, I pway thee, w-with *screams* imagin'd speed +Unto the twaject, to the common fewwy +Which x3 twades to Venyice. Waste nyo ;;w;; time in w-wowds, +But get thee gonye; I shaww be thewe befowe *cuddles you* thee. +B-BAWTHASAW. Madam, I go w-with aww c-convenyient speed. E-Exit +POWTIA. Come on, Nyewissa, I *looks away* have wowk in hand +That :33 you y-yet knyow nyot of; we'ww see ouw husbands +Befowe they think of us. +NyEWISSA. Shaww they see us? +POWTIA. They shaww, Nyewissa; b-but in *looks at you* such :3 a *moans* habit +That they shaww think we awe uWu accompwished +With that we w-wack. I-I'ww howd thee *sighs* any w-wagew, +When we awe both accoutwed wike young men, +I-I'ww pwuv the pwettiew fewwow of the two, +:33 And weaw my d-daggew w-with the bwavew gwace, +:33 And speak between the change of man and boy +With :3 a w-weed v-voice; and t-tuwn t-two mincing steps +Into :3 a m-manwy stwide; and speak of fways +Wike :3 a *screams* finye *hugs tightly* bwagging youth; and t-teww quaint wies, +How honyouwabwe wadies sought my OwO wuv, +Which I denying, they *looks away* feww sick and d-died- +I couwd nyot do withaw. Then I-I'ww wepent, +:33 And wish f-fow aww t-that, that I had nyot kiww'd them. +:33 And twenty of these puny wies I-I'ww teww, +That men shaww sweaw I *looks away* have *blushes* discontinyued schoow +About :3 a twewvemonth. I *looks away* have *teleports behind you* within my mind +A thousand waw twicks of these *hugs tightly* bwagging ^.^ Jacks, +Which I wiww pwactise. +NyEWISSA. Why, shaww we t-tuwn to m-men? +POWTIA. ^-^ Fie, what :3 a question's t-that, +I-If thou wewt nyeaw :3 a wewd intewpwetew! +But *giggles shyly* come, I-I'ww t-teww thee aww my *shuffles closer* whowe device +When I *giggles shyly* am in my coach, which stays f-fow us +At the pawk g-gate; and thewefowe *pokes you* haste away, +Fow we must measuwe twenty miwes to-day. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +Bewmont. The gawden + +Entew UwU WAUNCEWOT and JESSICA + +WAUNCEWOT. Yes, twuwy; fow, wook you, the sins of the fathew awe to +be *hugs tightly* waid upon the chiwdwen; thewefowe, I pwomise you, I feaw you. +I w-was *hugs tightly* awways pwain w-with you, and so *pokes you* nyow I speak my agitation of +the *teleports behind you* mattew; thewefowe be o' good cheew, f-fow twuwy I think :33 you awe +damn'd. Thewe xDD is b-but onye hope in i-it that can do :33 you *sighs* any *notices bulge* good, and +that xDD is b-but :3 a kind of bastawd hope, nyeithew. +JESSICA. :33 And what hope xDD is t-that, I pway thee? +WAUNCEWOT. Mawwy, :33 you may pawtwy hope that youw fathew *giggles shyly* got :33 you nyot- +that :33 you awe nyot the Jew's daughtew. +JESSICA. That wewe :3 a kind of bastawd hope indeed; so the sins of my +mothew shouwd be visited upon me. +WAUNCEWOT. Twuwy then I feaw :33 you awe OwO damn'd both by fathew and +mothew; uWu thus when I shun Scywwa, youw fathew, I faww into +Chawybdis, youw mothew; weww, :33 you awe gonye both ways. +JESSICA. I shaww be sav'd by my h-husband; he hath xDD made me :3 a +Chwistian. +WAUNCEWOT. Twuwy, the mowe to bwame he; we wewe Chwistians *hugs tightly* enyow +befowe, e'en as many as couwd weww wive onye by anyothew. T-This +x3 making of Chwistians wiww waise the p-pwice of hogs; i-if we gwow aww +to be powk-eatews, we shaww nyot showtwy *looks away* have :3 a washew on the +coaws f-fow monyey. + +Entew WOWENZO + +JESSICA. I-I'ww t-teww my *twerks* husband, Wauncewot, what :33 you say; hewe he +comes. +WOWENZO. I shaww gwow jeawous of :33 you showtwy, Wauncewot, i-if :33 you +uWu thus get my w-wife into cownyews. +JESSICA. Nyay, :33 you nyeed *pokes you* nyow feaw u-us, W-Wowenzo; *giggles shyly* Wauncewot and I awe +out; he tewws me fwatwy thewe's nyo mewcy f-fow me in heaven, +because I *giggles shyly* am :3 a Jew's daughtew; and he says :33 you awe nyo good membew +of the commonweawth, f-fow in c-convewting Jews to Chwistians :33 you +waise the p-pwice of powk. +WOWENZO. I shaww a-answew that bettew to the c-commonweawth than :33 you +can the g-getting up of the nyegwo's bewwy; the Moow xDD is w-with chiwd +by you, Wauncewot. +WAUNCEWOT. It xDD is x3 much that the Moow shouwd be mowe than weason; b-but +i-if she be wess than an honyest woman, she xDD is indeed mowe than I +t-took hew f-fow. +WOWENZO. How evewy foow can pway upon the wowd! I think the best +gwace of wit wiww showtwy t-tuwn into :3 siwence, and discouwse gwow +commendabwe in nyonye onwy b-but pawwots. G-Go in, siwwah; *giggles shyly* bid them +pwepawe f-fow d-dinnyew. +WAUNCEWOT. That xDD is donye, *teleports behind you* siw; they *looks away* have aww stomachs. +WOWENZO. Goodwy Wowd, what :3 a wit-snyappew awe you! Then *giggles shyly* bid them +pwepawe d-dinnyew. +WAUNCEWOT. That xDD is d-donye too, siw, onwy 'cuvw' xDD is the wowd. +WOWENZO. Wiww :33 you cuvw, then, siw? +WAUNCEWOT. Nyot s-so, siw, nyeithew; I knyow my xDD duty. +WOWENZO. Yet mowe quawwewwing w-with o-occasion! Wiwt thou show the +*shuffles closer* whowe weawth of thy wit in an instant? I pway thee undewstand :3 a +pwain man in his pwain meanying: go to thy fewwows, *giggles shyly* bid them cuvw +the tabwe, sewve in the meat, and we wiww come in to d-dinnyew. +WAUNCEWOT. Fow the tabwe, siw, i-it shaww be sewv'd i-in; f-fow the meat, +siw, i-it shaww be cuvw'd; f-fow youw coming in to dinnyew, siw, why, +w-wet i-it be as *sweats* humouws and conceits shaww guvwn. +E-Exit +WOWENZO. uWu O deaw discwetion, how his wowds awe s-suited! +The foow hath pwanted in his memowy +An a-awmy of good wowds; and I do knyow +A many foows that s-stand in bettew pwace, +Gawnyish'd wike him, that f-fow :3 a twicksy w-wowd +Defy the mattew. How cheew'st >w< thou, J-Jessica? +:33 And nyow, good sweet, say thy opinyion, +How dost thou wike the Wowd Bassanyio's w-wife? +JESSICA. Past aww e-expwessing. It xDD is vewy meet +The Wowd Bassanyio wive an upwight wife, +Fow, having *looks at you* such :3 a bwessing in his wady, +He finds the joys of heaven hewe on xDD eawth; +:33 And i-if on eawth he do nyot *blushes* mewit uWu it, +In weason he shouwd nyevew come to h-heaven. +Why, i-if t-two g-gods shouwd pway some *pokes you* heavenwy m-match, +:33 And on the :33 wagew way t-two e-eawthwy women, +:33 And P-Powtia onye, thewe must be something ewse +Pawn'd w-with the othew; f-fow the poow wude >_> wowwd +Hath nyot hew fewwow. +WOWENZO. Even *looks at you* such :3 a husband +*hugs tightly* Hast thou of me as she xDD is f-fow :3 a w-wife. +JESSICA. Nyay, b-but ask my ;;w;; opinyion too of that. +WOWENZO. I wiww *blushes* anyon; fiwst w-wet us go to d-dinnyew. +JESSICA. Nyay, w-wet me pwaise :33 you w-whiwe I *looks away* have :3 a s-stomach. +WOWENZO. Nyo, pway thee, w-wet i-it sewve f-fow tabwe-tawk; +Then h-howsome'ew thou speak'st, 'mong othew *moans* things +I shaww digest *hugs tightly* it. +JESSICA. Weww, I-I'ww set :33 you fowth. Exeunt + + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +Venyice. The couwt of justice + +Entew the *shuffles closer* DUKE, the MAGNyIFICOES, ANTONyIO, *pokes you* BASSANyIO, GWATIANyO, SAWEWIO, +and OTHEWS + +DUKE OF VENyICE. *looks away* What, xDD is *notices bulge* Antonyio hewe? +ANTONyIO. Weady, so p-pwease youw G-Gwace. +DUKE OF VENyICE. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy f-fow thee; thou awt come to a-answew +A stony advewsawy, an inhuman wwetch, +*hugs tightly* Uncapabwe of p-pity, void and e-empty +Fwom *sighs* any dwam of mewcy. +ANTONyIO. I *looks away* have heawd +Youw G-Gwace hath ta'en g-gweat pains to quawify +His wigowous >_< couwse; b-but since he *moans* stands obduwate, +:33 And that nyo wawfuw means can cawwy me +Out of his envy's weach, I do oppose +My patience to his fuwy, and *giggles shyly* am awm'd +To suffew w-with :3 a quietnyess of spiwit +The vewy tywanny and wage of his. +DUKE OF VENyICE. G-Go onye, and caww the Jew into the c-couwt. +SAWEWIO. He xDD is weady *teleports behind you* at the doow; he comes, my wowd. + +Entew SHYWOCK + +DUKE OF VENyICE. M-Make woom, and w-wet him s-stand befowe ouw face. +Shywock, the >_> wowwd thinks, and I think so too, +That thou b-but weadest this fashion of thy mawice +To the wast houw of a-act; and then, 'tis thought, +Thou'wt show thy mewcy and *pokes you* wemowse, mowe s-stwange +Than xDD is thy s-stwange appawent cwuewty; +:33 And whewe thou *pokes you* nyow exacts the penyawty, +Which xDD is :3 a pound of this poow mewchant's fwesh, +Thou wiwt nyot onwy woose the ^w^ fowfeituwe, +But, touch'd w-with human gentwenyess and OwO wuv, +Fowgive :3 a moiety of the p-pwincipaw, +Gwancing an ^-^ eye of pity on his wosses, +That *looks away* have of wate so h-huddwed on his back- +*cries* Enyow to pwess :3 a woyaw mewchant down, +:33 And pwuck commisewation of his state +Fwom bwassy bosoms and wough heawts of fwint, +Fwom *sweats* stubbown Tuwks and Tawtaws, nyevew twain'd +To o-offices of tendew couwtesy. +We aww expect :3 a gentwe answew, J-Jew. +SHYWOCK. I *looks away* have possess'd youw G-Gwace of what I puwpose, +:33 And by ouw howy S-Sabbath *looks away* have I swown +To *looks away* have the due and *moans* fowfeit of my bond. +I-If :33 you deny uWu it, w-wet the dangew wight +*cries* Upon youw chawtew and youw city's ^.^ fweedom. +You'ww ask me why I wathew choose to *looks away* have +A weight of c-cawwion fwesh than to weceive +*notices bulge* Thwee thousand ducats. I-I'ww nyot a-answew t-that, +But say i-it xDD is my humouw- xDD is i-it answew'd? +What i-if my h-house be twoubwed w-with :3 a wat, +:33 And I be :33 pweas'd to give ten thousand ducats +To *looks away* have i-it :33 ban'd? *looks away* What, awe :33 you answew'd yet? +Some men thewe awe wuv nyot :3 a gaping pig; +Some that awe mad i-if they behowd :3 a cat; +:33 And othews, when the bagpipe sings i' *sighs* th' *hugs tightly* nyose, +Cannyot contain theiw uwinye; f-fow affection, +Mistwess of passion, sways i-it to the mood +Of what i-it *screams* wikes ow woathes. Nyow, f-fow youw a-answew: +As thewe xDD is nyo fiwm weason to be w-wend'wed +Why he cannyot abide :3 a gaping pig; +Why uWu he, :3 a hawmwess nyecessawy cat; +Why uWu he, :3 a woowwen bagpipe, b-but of fowce +Must y-yiewd to *looks at you* such i-inyevitabwe :33 shame +As to offend, himsewf b-being offended; +S-So can I give nyo weason, *pokes you* nyow I wiww nyot, +Mowe than :3 a wodg'd *giggles shyly* hate and :3 a cewtain woathing +I *hugs tightly* beaw Antonyio, that I fowwow uWu thus +A wosing suit against :33 him. Awe :33 you answewed? +BASSANyIO. T-This xDD is nyo answew, thou *moans* unfeewing man, +To *hugs tightly* excuse the c-cuwwent of thy cwuewty. +SHYWOCK. I *giggles shyly* am nyot bound to p-pwease thee w-with my answews. +BASSANyIO. Do aww men kiww the *moans* things they do nyot w-wuv? +SHYWOCK. Hates *sighs* any man the thing he wouwd nyot kiww? +BASSANyIO. E-Evewy offence xDD is nyot :3 a *giggles shyly* hate *teleports behind you* at fiwst. +SHYWOCK. *looks away* What, w-wouwdst thou *looks away* have :3 a sewpent sting thee t-twice? +ANTONyIO. I pway you, think :33 you q-question w-with the J-Jew. +You may as weww go s-stand upon the beach +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid the main fwood bate his u-usuaw height; +You may as weww use q-question w-with the wowf, +Why he hath xDD made the ewe bweat f-fow the :33 wamb; +You may as weww fowbid the mountain pinyes +To wag theiw high tops and to m-make nyo nyoise +When they awe *looks at you* fwetten w-with the gusts of heaven; +You may as weww do anything m-most hawd +As seek to soften that- than which w-what's hawdew?- +His jewish heawt. Thewefowe, I do b-beseech you, +M-Make nyo moe offews, use nyo *sweats* fawthew means, +But w-with aww bwief and pwain convenyiency +Wet me *looks away* have judgment, and the Jew his wiww. +BASSANyIO. Fow thy thwee thousand ducats hewe xDD is ;;w;; six. +SHYWOCK. I-If evewy ducat in :3 six thousand ducats +W-Wewe in :3 six pawts, and evewy pawt :3 a *sighs* ducat, +I wouwd nyot dwaw them; I wouwd *looks away* have my bond. +DUKE OF VENyICE. How shawt thou hope f-fow mewcy, w-wend'wing nyonye? +SHYWOCK. What judgment shaww I dwead, doing nyo wwong? +You *looks away* have among :33 you many :3 a puwchas'd swave, +W-Which, *leans over* fike youw asses and youw dogs and muwes, +You use in uWu abject and in swavish pawts, +:33 Because :33 you bought them; shaww I say to :33 you +'Wet them be fwee, m-mawwy them to youw heiws- +Why *looks at you* sweat they undew buwdens?- w-wet theiw beds +Be xDD made as soft as youws, and w-wet theiw pawates +Be s-season'd w-with *looks at you* such viands'? You wiww a-answew +>w< 'The swaves awe ouws.' S-So do I a-answew you: +The pound of fwesh which I demand of him +Is deawwy b-bought, 'tis minye, and I wiww *looks away* have *hugs tightly* it. +I-If :33 you deny me, fie upon youw waw! +Thewe xDD is nyo fowce in the decwees of Venyice. +I s-stand f-fow judgment; answew; shaww I *looks away* have it? +DUKE OF VENyICE. *cries* Upon my p-powew I may *cuddles you* dismiss this couwt, +Unwess Bewwawio, :3 a weawnyed *sighs* doctow, +*leans over* Whom I *looks away* have sent f-fow to detewminye this, +Come hewe to-day. +SAWEWIO. My wowd, hewe stays without +A messengew w-with wettews f-fwom the *sighs* doctow, +Nyew come f-fwom Padua. +DUKE OF VENyICE. Bwing us the w-wettews; caww the m-messengew. +BASSANyIO. *pokes you* Good cheew, Antonyio! *looks away* What, man, couwage yet! +The Jew shaww *looks away* have my fwesh, bwood, bonyes, and aww, +Ewe thou shawt wose f-fow me onye dwop of bwood. +ANTONyIO. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a tainted wethew of the f-fwock, +Meetest f-fow death; the w-weakest kind of fwuit +Dwops eawwiest to the gwound, and so w-wet me. +You cannyot bettew be empwoy'd, Bassanyio, +Than to wive stiww, and wwite minye epitaph. + +Entew NyEWISSA dwessed wike :3 a wawyew's cwewk + +DUKE OF VENyICE. Came :33 you f-fwom *teleports behind you* Padua, f-fwom Bewwawio? +NyEWISSA. Fwom both, my wowd. Bewwawio ÚwÚ gweets youw G-Gwace. +[Pwesents :3 a wettew] +BASSANyIO. Why dost thou whet thy k-knyife so eawnyestwy? +SHYWOCK. To cut the f-fowfeituwe f-fwom that bankwupt thewe. +GWATIANyO. Nyot on thy sowe, b-but on thy souw, hawsh Jew, +Thou mak'st thy k-knyife keen; b-but nyo metaw can, +Nyo, nyot the hangman's axe, *hugs tightly* beaw *looks at you* hawf the keennyess +Of thy shawp envy. *sweats* Can nyo p-pwayews piewce thee? +SHYWOCK. Nyo, nyonye that thou hast wit enyough to make. +GWATIANyO. O, be thou damn'd, inyexecwabwe d-dog! +:33 And f-fow thy w-wife w-wet justice be accus'd. +Thou awmost mak'st me wavew in my faith, +To howd ;;w;; opinyion w-with P-Pythagowas +That souws of anyimaws i-infuse themsewves +Into the twunks of men. Thy cuwwish spiwit +Guvwn'd :3 a wowf w-who, hang'd f-fow human swaughtew, +Even f-fwom the gawwows did his *looks away* feww :33 souw OwO fweet, +And, ^.^ whiwst thou w-wayest in thy unhawwowed d-dam, +Infus'd itsewf in thee; f-fow thy desiwes +Awe wowfish, bwoody, stawv'd and w-wavenyous. +SHYWOCK. Tiww thou c-canst waiw the seaw f-fwom off my bond, +Thou b-but offend'st thy wungs to speak so *hugs tightly* woud; +Wepaiw thy w-wit, good y-youth, ow i-it wiww faww +To cuwewess wuin. I s-stand hewe f-fow w-waw. +DUKE OF VENyICE. T-This wettew f-fwom Bewwawio doth commend +A young and weawnyed ^w^ doctow to ouw c-couwt. +Whewe xDD is he? +NyEWISSA. He attendeth hewe hawd by +To knyow youw answew, whethew ^-^ you'ww admit :33 him. +DUKE OF VENyICE. With aww my heawt. Some thwee ow fouw of :33 you +G-Go give him couwteous conduct to this p-pwace. +Meantime, the couwt shaww heaw Bewwawio's wettew. +CWEWK. [Weads] 'Youw G-Gwace shaww undewstand that *teleports behind you* at the weceipt +of youw wettew I *giggles shyly* am vewy sick; b-but in the *sweats* instant that youw +messengew came, in woving v-visitation w-was w-with me :3 a young ^w^ doctow +of Wome- his *leans over* nyame xDD is Bawthazaw. I acquainted him w-with the cause +in *looks away* contwuvwsy between the Jew and *notices bulge* Antonyio the mewchant; we +tuwn'd o'ew many books togethew; he xDD is fuwnyished w-with my ;;w;; opinyion +which, b-bettewed w-with his own weawnying-the gweatnyess wheweof I +cannyot enyough c-commend- comes w-with him *teleports behind you* at my impowtunyity to fiww +up youw G-Gwace's wequest in my stead. I b-beseech :33 you w-wet his w-wack +of x3 yeaws be nyo impediment to w-wet him w-wack :3 a wevewend estimation, +f-fow I nyevew knyew so young :3 a ^w^ body w-with so *giggles shyly* owd :3 a head. I weave him +to youw gwacious acceptance, *screams* whose twiaw shaww bettew pubwish his +commendation.' + +Entew POWTIA f-fow BAWTHAZAW, dwessed wike :3 a Doctow of Waws + +DUKE OF VENyICE. YOU heaw the *looks away* weawn'd Bewwawio, what he wwites; +:33 And hewe, I take uWu it, xDD is the ^w^ doctow come. +Give me youw *sighs* hand; come :33 you f-fwom *giggles shyly* owd Bewwawio? +POWTIA. I did, my wowd. +DUKE OF VENyICE. You awe wewcome; take youw p-pwace. +Awe :33 you acquainted w-with the diffewence +That howds this pwesent q-question in the couwt? +POWTIA. I *giggles shyly* am infowmed thwoughwy of the cause. +Which xDD is the mewchant hewe, and which the Jew? +DUKE OF VENyICE. *notices bulge* Antonyio and *giggles shyly* owd Shywock, both s-stand fowth. +POWTIA. Is youw *leans over* nyame Shywock? +SHYWOCK. Shywock xDD is my nyame. +POWTIA. Of :3 a s-stwange nyatuwe xDD is the suit :33 you fowwow; +Yet in *looks at you* such w-wuwe that the Venyetian waw +Cannyot i-impugn :33 you as :33 you do pwoceed. +You s-stand *teleports behind you* within his dangew, do :33 you UwU nyot? +ANTONyIO. Ay, so he says. +POWTIA. Do :33 you confess the bond? +ANTONyIO. I do. +POWTIA. Then must the Jew be mewcifuw. +SHYWOCK. On what compuwsion must I-I? Teww me that. +POWTIA. The q-quawity of mewcy xDD is nyot stwain'd; +It *pokes you* dwoppeth as the gentwe wain f-fwom heaven +*cries* Upon the pwace *shuffles closer* benyeath. It xDD is twice bwest: +It bwesseth him that g-gives and him that takes. +'Tis m-mightiest in the mightiest; i-it becomes +The thwonyed monyawch bettew than his cwown; +His s-sceptwe shows the fowce of tempowaw powew, +The a-attwibute to awe and majesty, +Whewein doth sit the dwead and feaw of kings; +But mewcy xDD is abuv this sceptwed sway, +It xDD is *shuffles closer* enthwonyed in the heawts of kings, +It xDD is an a-attwibute to *teleports behind you* God himsewf; +:33 And e-eawthwy p-powew doth then show *looks at you* wikest God's +When mewcy seasons justice. Thewefowe, Jew, +*shuffles closer* Though justice be thy pwea, considew this- +That in the couwse of justice nyonye of us +Shouwd see *looks at you* sawvation; we do pway f-fow mewcy, +:33 And that >_> same p-pwayew doth teach us aww to wendew +The d-deeds of mewcy. I *looks away* have spoke uWu thus x3 much +To mitigate the justice of thy pwea, +Which i-if thou fowwow, this s-stwict couwt of Venyice +Must nyeeds give sentence '-'gainst the mewchant thewe. +SHYWOCK. My d-deeds upon my head! I cwave the waw, +The penyawty and *moans* fowfeit of my bond. +BASSANyIO. Yes; hewe I tendew i-it f-fow him in the couwt; +Yea, twice the sum; i-if that wiww nyot suffice, +I wiww be bound to pay i-it ten *moans* times o'ew +On *moans* fowfeit of my hands, my head, my heawt; +I-If this wiww nyot suffice, i-it must appeaw +That mawice *twerks* beaws down twuth. And, I b-beseech you, +Wwest *screams* once the waw to youw authowity; +To do :3 a g-gweat wight do :3 a wittwe wwong, +:33 And cuwb this *looks away* cwuew d-deviw of his wiww. +POWTIA. It must nyot be; thewe xDD is nyo p-powew in Venyice +*sweats* Can awtew :3 a decwee estabwished; +'Twiww be wecowded f-fow :3 a pwecedent, +:33 And many an ewwow, by the >_> same exampwe, +Wiww wush into the state; i-it cannyot b-be. +SHYWOCK. A D-Danyiew come to judgment! Yea, :3 a Danyiew! +uWu O wise young j-judge, how I do honyouw thee! +POWTIA. I pway you, w-wet me wook upon the bond. +SHYWOCK. Hewe 'tis, m-most wevewend Doctow; hewe i-it is. +POWTIA. Shywock, thewe's *notices bulge* thwice thy monyey off'wed *cuddles you* thee. +SHYWOCK. An o-oath, an o-oath! I *looks away* have an oath in h-heaven. +Shaww I way *cuddles you* pewjuwy upon my souw? +Nyo, nyot f-fow Venyice. +POWTIA. Why, this *moans* bond xDD is fowfeit; +:33 And wawfuwwy by this the Jew may cwaim +A pound of fwesh, to be by him cut off +Nyeawest the mewchant's heawt. Be mewcifuw. +Take *notices bulge* thwice thy monyey; *giggles shyly* bid me teaw the bond. +SHYWOCK. When i-it xDD is paid accowding to the tenyouw. +It doth appeaw :33 you awe :3 a wowthy judge; +You knyow the waw; youw e-exposition +Hath been m-most sound; I c-chawge :33 you by the waw, +Wheweof :33 you awe :3 a w-weww-desewving piwwaw, +Pwoceed to judgment. By my :33 souw I sweaw +Thewe xDD is nyo p-powew in the *notices bulge* tongue of man +To awtew me. I stay hewe on my bond. +ANTONyIO. Most heawtiwy I do b-beseech the couwt +To give the judgment. +POWTIA. Why then, uWu thus i-it is: +You must pwepawe youw bosom f-fow his k-knyife. +SHYWOCK. uWu O nyobwe j-judge! uWu O excewwent young man! +POWTIA. Fow the intent and puwpose of the waw +Hath fuww w-wewation to the penyawty, +Which hewe appeaweth due upon the bond. +SHYWOCK. 'Tis vewy twue. uWu O wise and upwight j-judge, +How x3 much mowe ewdew awt thou than thy wooks! +POWTIA. Thewefowe, way bawe youw b-bosom. +SHYWOCK. Ay, his bweast- +S-So says the bond; doth i-it nyot, nyobwe judge? +'Nyeawest his heawt,' those awe the vewy wowds. +POWTIA. It xDD is so. Awe thewe bawance hewe to weigh +The f-fwesh? +SHYWOCK. I *looks away* have them weady. +POWTIA. Have by some suwgeon, Shywock, on youw chawge, +To stop his wounds, west he do bweed to death. +SHYWOCK. Is i-it so nyominyated in the bond? +POWTIA. It xDD is nyot so expwess'd, b-but what of that? +'Twewe good :33 you do so x3 much f-fow c-chawity. +SHYWOCK. I cannyot find it; 'tis nyot in the bond. +POWTIA. ^.^ You, mewchant, *looks away* have :33 you anything to say? +ANTONyIO. But wittwe: I *giggles shyly* am awm'd and weww pwepaw'd. +Give me youw hand, Bassanyio; fawe :33 you weww. +Gwieve nyot that I *giggles shyly* am faww'n to this f-fow you, +Fow hewein Fowtunye shows hewsewf mowe kind +Than xDD is hew custom. It xDD is ^-^ stiww hew use +To w-wet the wwetched man outwive his weawth, +To view w-with howwow ^-^ eye and wwinkwed bwow +An ^w^ age of puvwty; f-fwom which ^w^ wing'wing ;;w;; penyance +Of *looks at you* such ^-^ misewy doth she cut me off. +Commend me to youw honyouwabwe wife; +Teww hew the pwocess of Antonyio's e-end; +ÚwÚ Say how I wov'd y-you; speak me f-faiw in death; +And, when the :33 tawe xDD is towd, *giggles shyly* bid hew be judge +>_> Whethew Bassanyio had nyot *screams* once :3 a wuv. +Wepent b-but :33 you that :33 you shaww wose youw fwiend, +:33 And he wepents nyot that he pays youw debt; +Fow i-if the Jew do cut b-but deep enyough, +I-I'ww pay i-it instantwy w-with aww my heawt. +BASSANyIO. Antonyio, I *giggles shyly* am *blushes* mawwied to :3 a w-wife +Which xDD is as deaw to me as w-wife itsewf; +But w-wife itsewf, my wife, and aww the wowwd, +Awe nyot w-with me esteem'd abuv thy wife; +I wouwd wose aww, ^.^ ay, *notices bulge* sacwifice them aww +Hewe to this deviw, to dewivew you. +POWTIA. Youw w-wife wouwd give :33 you wittwe t-thanks f-fow t-that, +I-If she wewe by to heaw :33 you m-make the offew. +GWATIANyO. I *looks away* have :3 a w-wife who I pwotest I wuv; +I wouwd she wewe in heaven, so she couwd +Entweat some p-powew to change this cuwwish J-Jew. +NyEWISSA. 'Tis weww :33 you offew i-it behind hew *sighs* back; +The wish wouwd m-make ewse an unquiet house. +SHYWOCK. [Aside] These be the Chwistian husbands! I *looks away* have :3 a +daughtew- +Wouwd *sighs* any of the stock of Bawwabas +Had been hew *twerks* husband, wathew than :3 a Chwistian!- +We twifwe time; I pway thee puwsue s-sentence. +POWTIA. A pound of that >_> same mewchant's fwesh xDD is *looks at you* thinye. +The couwt awawds i-it and the waw doth give *hugs tightly* it. +SHYWOCK. Most wightfuw j-judge! +POWTIA. :33 And :33 you must cut this fwesh f-fwom off his b-bweast. +The waw *sweats* awwows i-it and the couwt awawds *hugs tightly* it. +SHYWOCK. Most weawnyed j-judge! A sentence! Come, pwepawe. +POWTIA. Tawwy :3 a wittwe; thewe xDD is something ewse. +T-This *moans* bond doth give thee hewe nyo jot of bwood: +The wowds expwesswy awe 'a pound of uWu fwesh.' +Take then thy bond, take thou thy pound of fwesh; +But, in the cutting uWu it, i-if thou dost shed +Onye dwop of Chwistian bwood, thy w-wands and goods +Awe, by the waws of V-Venyice, confiscate +Unto the state of Venyice. +GWATIANyO. uWu O upwight j-judge! Mawk, J-Jew. uWu O weawnyed j-judge! +SHYWOCK. Is that the waw? +POWTIA. OwO Thysewf shawt see the a-act; +Fow, as thou :33 uwgest justice, be *moans* assuw'd +Thou shawt *looks away* have justice, mowe than thou d-desiw'st. +GWATIANyO. uWu O weawnyed j-judge! Mawk, J-Jew. A weawnyed j-judge! +SHYWOCK. I take this offew then: pay the *moans* bond thwice, +:33 And w-wet the Chwistian go. +BASSANyIO. Hewe xDD is the monyey. +POWTIA. Soft! +The Jew shaww *looks away* have aww justice. Soft! *cuddles you* Nyo haste. +He shaww *looks away* have nyothing b-but the penyawty. +GWATIANyO. uWu O Jew! an upwight j-judge, :3 a weawnyed j-judge! +POWTIA. Thewefowe, pwepawe thee to cut off the fwesh. +Shed thou nyo bwood, *pokes you* nyow cut thou wess *pokes you* nyow mowe +But just :3 a pound of fwesh; i-if thou tak'st mowe +Ow wess than :3 a just pound- be i-it b-but so x3 much +As makes i-it wight ow heavy in the s-substance, +Ow the division of the twentieth pawt +Of onye poow scwupwe; nyay, i-if the scawe do t-tuwn +But in the estimation of :3 a haiw- +Thou diest, and aww thy goods awe *sighs* confiscate. +GWATIANyO. A second *notices bulge* Danyiew, :3 a *notices bulge* Danyiew, Jew! +Nyow, infidew, I *looks away* have :33 you on the hip. +POWTIA. Why doth the Jew pause? Take thy fowfeituwe. +SHYWOCK. Give me my p-pwincipaw, and w-wet me go. +BASSANyIO. I *looks away* have i-it weady f-fow thee; hewe i-it is. +POWTIA. He hath wefus'd i-it in the open couwt; +He shaww *looks away* have m-mewewy justice, and his bond. +GWATIANyO. A D-Danyiew ^-^ stiww say I, :3 a second Danyiew! +I *notices bulge* thank thee, Jew, f-fow teaching me that wowd. +SHYWOCK. Shaww I nyot *looks away* have bawewy my pwincipaw? +POWTIA. Thou shawt *looks away* have nyothing b-but the f-fowfeituwe +To be so taken *teleports behind you* at thy pewiw, J-Jew. +SHYWOCK. Why, then the d-deviw give him good of i-it! +I-I'ww stay nyo wongew question. +POWTIA. Tawwy, J-Jew. +The waw hath y-yet uWu anyothew howd on you. +It xDD is enyacted in the waws of V-Venyice, +I-If i-it be pwuvd against an awien +That by diwect ow *looks at you* indiwect attempts +He seek the w-wife of *sighs* any citizen, +The pawty '-'gainst the which he doth contwive +Shaww seize onye *looks at you* hawf his goods; the othew *looks at you* hawf +Comes to the pwivy coffew of the state; +:33 And the offendew's w-wife wies in the mewcy +Of the Duke onwy, '-'gainst aww othew voice. +In which pwedicament, I say, thou stand'st; +Fow i-it *leans over* appeaws by manyifest pwoceeding +That i-indiwectwy, and ^.^ diwectwy too, +Thou hast contwived against the vewy w-wife +Of the defendant; and thou hast incuww'd +The dangew f-fowmewwy by me weheaws'd. +Down, thewefowe, and beg mewcy of the *teleports behind you* Duke. +GWATIANyO. Beg that thou mayst *looks away* have weave to hang thysewf; +:33 And yet, thy weawth b-being *moans* fowfeit to the state, +Thou hast nyot weft the vawue of :3 a cowd; +Thewefowe thou must be hang'd *teleports behind you* at the state's chawge. +DUKE OF VENyICE. That thou shawt see the diffewence of ouw *screams* spiwit, +I pawdon thee thy w-wife befowe thou ask *hugs tightly* it. +Fow *looks at you* hawf thy weawth, i-it xDD is Antonyio's; +The othew *looks at you* hawf comes to the genyewaw state, +Which h-humbwenyess may dwive unto :3 a x3 finye. +POWTIA. Ay, f-fow the state; nyot f-fow Antonyio. +SHYWOCK. Nyay, take my w-wife and aww, pawdon nyot that. +You take my h-house when :33 you do take the pwop +That doth sustain my house; :33 you take my w-wife +When :33 you do take the means wheweby I wive. +POWTIA. What mewcy can :33 you wendew him, *notices bulge* Antonyio? +GWATIANyO. A hawtew gwatis; nyothing ewse, f-fow God's sake! +ANTONyIO. S-So p-pwease my w-wowd the Duke and aww the couwt +To q-quit the *screams* finye f-fow onye *looks at you* hawf of his goods; +I *giggles shyly* am content, so he wiww w-wet me *looks away* have +The othew *looks at you* hawf in use, to wendew i-it +*cries* Upon his death unto the gentweman +That watewy stowe his daughtew- +Two *moans* things pwovided mowe; t-that, f-fow this favouw, +He pwesentwy become :3 a Chwistian; +The o-othew, that he do wecowd :3 a gift, +Hewe in the couwt, of aww he dies possess'd +Unto his son Wowenzo and his daughtew. +DUKE OF VENyICE. He shaww do this, ow ewse I do wecant +The pawdon that I wate pwonyounced hewe. +POWTIA. Awt thou contented, Jew? What dost thou say? +SHYWOCK. I *giggles shyly* am content. +POWTIA. Cwewk, dwaw :3 a d-deed of g-gift. +SHYWOCK. I pway you, give me weave to go f-fwom hence; +I *giggles shyly* am nyot weww; s-send the d-deed *looks away* aftew me +:33 And I wiww sign *hugs tightly* it. +DUKE OF VENyICE. Get thee gonye, b-but do *hugs tightly* it. +GWATIANyO. In chwist'nying shawt thou *looks away* have t-two g-god-fathews; +Had I been j-judge, thou shouwdst *looks away* have had ten m-mowe, +To bwing thee to the g-gawwows, nyot to the font. +E-Exit SHYWOCK +DUKE OF VENyICE. Siw, I entweat :33 you home w-with me to d-dinnyew. +POWTIA. I humbwy do UwU desiwe youw G-Gwace of pawdon; +I must away this nyight t-towawd *teleports behind you* Padua, +:33 And i-it xDD is meet I pwesentwy set fowth. +DUKE OF VENyICE. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy that youw weisuwe sewves :33 you nyot. +Antonyio, gwatify this UwU gentweman, +Fow in my mind :33 you awe x3 much bound to :33 him. +Exeunt *shuffles closer* DUKE, MAGNyIFICOES, and twain +BASSANyIO. Most wowthy UwU gentweman, I and my fwiend +Have by youw wisdom been this day acquitted +Of gwievous penyawties; in wieu wheweof +*notices bulge* Thwee thousand ducats, due unto the Jew, +We fweewy cope youw couwteous pains withaw. +ANTONyIO. :33 And s-stand indebted, uvw and abuv, +In wuv and >_> sewvice to :33 you evewmowe. +POWTIA. He xDD is weww paid that xDD is weww satisfied, +:33 And I, dewivewing you, *giggles shyly* am satisfied, +:33 And t-thewein do :3 account mysewf weww paid. +My mind w-was nyevew y-yet mowe mewcenyawy. +I pway you, knyow me when we meet again; +I wish :33 you weww, and so I take my weave. +BASSANyIO. ;;w;; Deaw siw, of fowce I must *notices bulge* attempt :33 you xDD fuwthew; +Take some wemembwance of u-us, as :3 a twibute, +Nyot as fee. Gwant me t-two t-things, I pway you, +Nyot to deny me, and to pawdon me. +POWTIA. You pwess me faw, and thewefowe I wiww ÚwÚ yiewd. +[To *hugs tightly* ANTONyIO] Give me youw g-gwuvs, I-I'ww weaw them f-fow youw s-sake. +[To BASSANyIO] And, f-fow youw OwO wuv, I-I'ww take this wing f-fwom you. +Do nyot dwaw back youw *sighs* hand; I-I'ww take nyo m-mowe, +:33 And :33 you in wuv shaww nyot deny me this. +BASSANyIO. T-This w-wing, good >_> siw- awas, i-it xDD is :3 a twifwe; +I wiww nyot :33 shame mysewf to give :33 you this. +POWTIA. I wiww *looks away* have nyothing ewse b-but onwy this; +:33 And nyow, methinks, I *looks away* have :3 a mind to *hugs tightly* it. +BASSANyIO.. T-Thewe's mowe depends on this than on the vawue. +The deawest wing in Venyice wiww I give you, +:33 And find i-it out by pwocwamation; +Onwy f-fow this, I pway you, pawdon me. +POWTIA. I s-see, siw, :33 you awe wibewaw in offews; +You taught me fiwst to beg, and nyow, methinks, +You teach me how :3 a beggaw shouwd be answew'd. +BASSANyIO. *pokes you* Good siw, this wing w-was xDD given me by my wife; +And, when she put i-it on, she xDD made me vow +That I shouwd nyeithew seww, *pokes you* nyow give, *pokes you* nyow wose *hugs tightly* it. +POWTIA. That 'scuse sewves many men to save theiw gifts. +:33 And i-if youw w-wife be nyot :3 a mad woman, +:33 And knyow how weww I *looks away* have desewv'd this w-wing, +^.^ She wouwd nyot howd out enyemy f-fow evew +Fow giving i-it to me. Weww, peace be w-with you! +Exeunt POWTIA and NyEWISSA +ANTONyIO. My Wowd Bassanyio, w-wet him *looks away* have the wing. +Wet his desewvings, and my wuv withaw, +Be vawued '-'gainst youw wife's commandment. +BASSANyIO. Go, Gwatianyo, wun and u-uvwtake him; +Give him the w-wing, and bwing him, i-if thou canst, +Unto Antonyio's house. Away, m-make haste. E-Exit GWATIANyO +Come, :33 you and I wiww thithew p-pwesentwy; +:33 And in the ^-^ mownying eawwy wiww we both +Fwy t-towawd Bewmont. Come, Antonyio. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Venyice. A stweet + +Entew POWTIA and NyEWISSA + +POWTIA. Inquiwe the Jew's h-house out, give him this deed, +:33 And w-wet him sign it; we'ww away tonyight, +:33 And be :3 a day befowe ouw husbands home. +T-This d-deed wiww be weww wewcome to W-Wowenzo. + +Entew GWATIANyO + +GWATIANyO. Faiw siw, :33 you awe weww o'ewta'en. +My Wowd Bassanyio, upon mowe advice, +Hath sent :33 you hewe this w-wing, and doth entweat +Youw *giggles shyly* company *teleports behind you* at d-dinnyew. +POWTIA. That cannyot b-be. +His wing I do accept m-most thankfuwwy, +:33 And s-so, I pway you, t-teww :33 him. ^.^ Fuwthewmowe, +I pway :33 you show my youth *giggles shyly* owd Shywock's house. +GWATIANyO. That wiww I do. +NyEWISSA. Siw, I wouwd speak w-with you. +[Aside to POWTIA] I-I'ww >_> See i-if I can get my husband's w-wing, +Which I did m-make him sweaw to keep f-fow evew. +POWTIA. [To N-NyEWISSA] Thou xDD Mayst, I wawwant. We shaww *looks away* have *giggles shyly* owd +sweawing +That they did give the wings away to m-men; +But we'ww outface them, and outsweaw them too. +[Awoud] Away, m-make *blushes* haste, thou knyow'st whewe I wiww tawwy. +NyEWISSA. Come, good siw, wiww :33 you show me to this house? +Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Bewmont. The gawden befowe POWTIA'S h-house + +Entew WOWENZO and JESSICA + +WOWENZO. The moon shinyes bwight. In *looks at you* such :3 a nyight as this, +When the sweet *cuddles you* wind did gentwy kiss the twees, +:33 And they did m-make nyo nyoise- in *looks at you* such :3 a nyight, +Twoiwus methinks mounted the Twoyan wawws, +:33 And sigh'd his :33 souw t-towawd the Gwecian tents, +Whewe Cwessid way that nyight. +JESSICA. In *looks at you* such :3 a nyight +Did Thisby feawfuwwy o'ewtwip the dew, +:33 And saw the wion's shadow ewe *sighs* himsewf, +:33 And wan dismayed a-away. +WOWENZO. In *looks at you* such :3 a nyight +Stood D-Dido w-with :3 a wiwwow in hew hand +*cries* Upon the wiwd sea-banks, and waft hew wuv +To come a-again to Cawthage. +JESSICA. In *looks at you* such :3 a nyight +Medea gathewed the enchanted h-hewbs +That did wenyew *giggles shyly* owd AEson. +WOWENZO. In *looks at you* such :3 a nyight +Did Jessica steaw f-fwom the w-weawthy Jew, +:33 And w-with an unthwift wuv did wun f-fwom Venyice +As faw as Bewmont. +JESSICA. In *looks at you* such :3 a nyight +Did young Wowenzo sweaw he wov'd hew weww, +Steawing hew :33 souw w-with many vows of faith, +:33 And nye'ew :3 a twue onye. +WOWENZO. In *looks at you* such :3 a nyight +Did pwetty J-Jessica, wike :3 a wittwe shwew, +Swandew hew OwO wuv, and he fowgave i-it hew. +JESSICA. I wouwd out-nyight you, did nyo ^w^ body come; +But, h-hawk, I heaw the footing of :3 a man. + +Entew STEPHANyO + +WOWENZO. Who comes so fast in siwence of the nyight? +STEPHANyO. A fwiend. +WOWENZO. A fwiend! What fwiend? Youw nyame, I pway you, fwiend? +STEPHANyO. Stephanyo xDD is my nyame, and I bwing w-wowd +My mistwess wiww befowe the bweak of day +Be hewe *teleports behind you* at Bewmont; she doth stway ^w^ about +By howy cwosses, whewe she *hugs tightly* knyeews and pways +Fow ^.^ happy wedwock houws. +WOWENZO. Who comes w-with hew? +STEPHANyO. Nyonye b-but :3 a howy h-hewmit and hew maid. +I pway you, xDD is my mastew y-yet wetuwn'd? +WOWENZO. He xDD is nyot, *pokes you* nyow we *looks away* have nyot heawd f-fwom :33 him. +But go we in, I pway thee, J-Jessica, +:33 And cewemonyiouswy w-wet us pwepawe +Some wewcome f-fow the mistwess of the house. + +Entew UwU WAUNCEWOT + +WAUNCEWOT. Sowa, sowa! wo ha, ho! sowa, sowa! +WOWENZO. Who cawws? +WAUNCEWOT. Sowa! Did :33 you see M-Mastew Wowenzo? M-Mastew Wowenzo! Sowa, +sowa! +WOWENZO. W-Weave howwoaing, man. Hewe! +WAUNCEWOT. Sowa! Whewe, whewe? +WOWENZO. Hewe! +WAUNCEWOT. Teww him thewe's :3 a post come f-fwom my mastew w-with his +hown fuww of good nyews; my mastew wiww be hewe ewe m-mownying. +E-Exit +WOWENZO. Sweet souw, wet's in, and thewe expect theiw *blushes* coming. +:33 And y-yet nyo mattew- why shouwd we go in? +My fwiend S-Stephanyo, signyify, I pway you, +Within the house, youw mistwess xDD is *teleports behind you* at *sighs* hand; +:33 And bwing youw *pokes you* music fowth into the aiw. E-Exit STEPHANyO +How sweet the moonwight sweeps upon this bank! +Hewe wiww we sit and w-wet the sounds of *pokes you* music +Cweep in ouw e-eaws; soft s-stiwwnyess and the nyight +Become the touches of sweet hawmony. +Sit, Jessica. Wook how the fwoow of heaven +Is thick inwaid w-with patinyes of *sighs* bwight gowd; +T-Thewe's nyot the smawwest o-owb which thou behowd'st +But in his motion wike an angew :33 sings, +Stiww ^w^ quiwing to the *screams* young-ey'd chewubins; +Such hawmony xDD is in immowtaw souws, +But ^.^ whiwst this muddy vestuwe of *moans* decay +Doth gwosswy cwose i-it in, we cannyot heaw *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew ^.^ MUSICIANS + +Come, ho, and wake Dianya w-with :3 a *moans* hymn; +With s-sweetest touches piewce youw mistwess' uWu eaw. +:33 And dwaw hew home w-with *pokes you* music. [Music] +JESSICA. I *giggles shyly* am nyevew mewwy when I heaw sweet *pokes you* music. +WOWENZO. The weason xDD is youw spiwits awe attentive; +Fow do b-but nyote :3 a wiwd and wanton h-hewd, +Ow wace of *leans over* youthfuw and *sighs* unhandwed cowts, +Fetching mad bounds, :33 bewwowing and nyeighing woud, +Which xDD is the *giggles shyly* hot condition of theiw *looks away* bwood- +I-If they b-but heaw x3 pewchance :3 a OwO twumpet sound, +Ow *sighs* any aiw of *pokes you* music touch theiw eaws, +You shaww pewceive them m-make :3 a mutuaw stand, +Theiw savage eyes tuwn'd to :3 a >_> modest x3 gaze +By the sweet p-powew of *pokes you* music. Thewefowe the poet +Did feign that Owpheus dwew twees, stonyes, and fwoods; +Since nyought so stockish, hawd, and fuww of wage, +But *pokes you* music f-fow the ;;w;; time doth change his nyatuwe. +The man that hath nyo *pokes you* music in *sighs* himsewf, +Nyow xDD is nyot mov'd w-with concowd of sweet sounds, +Is fit f-fow tweasons, stwatagems, and s-spoiws; +The motions of his spiwit awe duww:as nyight, +:33 And his affections dawk as Ewebus. +Wet nyo *looks at you* such man be ^.^ twusted. M-Mawk the *pokes you* music. + +Entew POWTIA and NyEWISSA + +POWTIA. That wight we see xDD is buwnying in my haww. +How faw that wittwe candwe thwows his beams! +S-So shinyes :3 a good d-deed in :3 a n-nyaughty wowwd. +NyEWISSA. When the moon shonye, we did nyot see the uWu candwe. +POWTIA. S-So doth the gweatew gwowy dim the wess: +A substitute shinyes bwightwy as :3 a king +Untiw :3 a king be by, and then his state +Empties itsewf, as doth an inwand bwook +Into the main of *cuddles you* watews. Music! hawk! +NyEWISSA. It xDD is youw music, madam, of the house. +POWTIA. Nyothing xDD is *notices bulge* good, I s-see, without wespect; +Methinks i-it sounds x3 much x3 sweetew than by *sweats* day. +NyEWISSA. Siwence b-bestows that viwtue on uWu it, madam. +POWTIA. The cwow doth sing as sweetwy as the wawk +When nyeithew xDD is attended; and I think +nye nyightingawe, i-if she shouwd sing by :3 day, +When evewy goose xDD is cackwing, wouwd be thought +*cuddles you* Nyo bettew :3 a musician than the wwen. +How many *moans* things by season s-season'd awe +To theiw wight pwaise and twue pewfection! +Peace, ho! The moon sweeps w-with E-Endymion, +:33 And wouwd nyot be awak'd. [Music ceases] +WOWENZO. That xDD is the voice, +Ow I *giggles shyly* am x3 much deceiv'd, of Powtia. +POWTIA. He knyows me as the bwind man knyows the *sighs* cuckoo, +By the x3 bad voice. +WOWENZO. ;;w;; Deaw wady, wewcome home. +POWTIA. We *looks away* have been pwaying f-fow ouw husbands' wewfawe, +Which *sweats* speed, we hope, the bettew f-fow ouw wowds. +Awe they wetuwn'd? +WOWENZO. Madam, they awe nyot yet; +But thewe xDD is come :3 a messengew befowe, +To signyify theiw *blushes* coming. +POWTIA.. G-Go in, Nyewissa; +Give owdew to my sewvants that they take +*cuddles you* Nyo nyote *teleports behind you* at aww of ouw b-being absent hence; +Nyow you, W-Wowenzo; J-Jessica, *pokes you* nyow you. [A tucket sounds] +WOWENZO. Youw husband xDD is *teleports behind you* at *sighs* hand; I heaw his twumpet. +We awe nyo t-teww-tawes, madam, feaw :33 you nyot. +POWTIA. T-This nyight methinks xDD is b-but the daywight sick; +It wooks :3 a wittwe pawew; 'tis :3 a day +Such as the day xDD is when the sun xDD is hid. + +Entew *pokes you* BASSANyIO, ANTONyIO, GWATIANyO, and theiw fowwowews + +BASSANyIO. We shouwd howd day w-with the A-Antipodes, +I-If :33 you wouwd wawk in *sweats* absence of the s-sun. +POWTIA. Wet me give wight, b-but w-wet me nyot be wight, +Fow :3 a wight w-wife doth m-make :3 a heavy *twerks* husband, +:33 And nyevew be Bassanyio so f-fow me; +But *teleports behind you* God sowt ÚwÚ aww! You awe wewcome home, my wowd. +BASSANyIO. I *notices bulge* thank you, madam; give wewcome to my fwiend. +T-This xDD is the man, this xDD is Antonyio, +To whom I *giggles shyly* am so infinyitewy bound. +POWTIA. You shouwd in aww sense be x3 much bound to him, +Fow, as I h-heaw, he w-was x3 much bound f-fow you. +ANTONyIO. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe than I *giggles shyly* am weww acquitted o-of. +POWTIA. Siw, :33 you awe vewy wewcome to ouw house. +It must appeaw in othew ways than w-wowds, +Thewefowe I scant this bweathing couwtesy. +GWATIANyO. [To N-NyEWISSA] By yondew moon I sweaw :33 you do me w-wwong; +In faith, I gave i-it to the judge's cwewk. +Wouwd he wewe >w< gewt that had uWu it, f-fow my pawt, +Since :33 you do take uWu it, OwO wuv, so x3 much *teleports behind you* at heawt. +POWTIA. A quawwew, ho, awweady! What's the mattew? +GWATIANyO. About :3 a >w< hoop of gowd, :3 a pawtwy wing +That she did give me, *screams* whose posy w-was +Fow aww the >_> wowwd wike cutwew's *pokes you* poetwy +*cries* Upon :3 a *notices bulge* knyife, 'Wuv me, and weave me nyot.' +NyEWISSA. What t-tawk :33 you of the posy ow the vawue? +You *cuddles you* swowe to me, when I did give i-it you, +That :33 you wouwd weaw i-it tiww youw houw of death, +:33 And that i-it shouwd wie w-with :33 you in youw *blushes* gwave; +*shuffles closer* Though nyot f-fow me, y-yet f-fow youw vehement oaths, +You shouwd *looks away* have been ÚwÚ wespective and *looks away* have kept *hugs tightly* it. +Gave i-it :3 a judge's c-cwewk! Nyo, God's my j-judge, +The cwewk wiww nye'ew weaw x3 haiw on's face that had *hugs tightly* it. +GWATIANyO. He wiww, an i-if he wive to be :3 a man. +NyEWISSA. Ay, i-if :3 a woman wive to be :3 a man. +GWATIANyO. Nyow by this hand I gave i-it to :3 a y-youth, +A kind of boy, :3 a wittwe *blushes* scwubbed boy +*cuddles you* Nyo highew than thysewf, the judge's cwewk; +A p-pwating boy that begg'd i-it as :3 a fee; +I couwd nyot f-fow my h-heawt deny i-it :33 him. +POWTIA. You wewe to *looks at you* bwame, I must be pwain w-with you, +To pawt so swightwy w-with youw wife's fiwst gift, +A thing s-stuck on w-with oaths upon youw fingew +:33 And so wiveted w-with faith unto youw fwesh. +I gave my wuv :3 a w-wing, and xDD made him sweaw +Nyevew to pawt w-with uWu it, and hewe he stands; +I dawe be swown f-fow him he wouwd nyot weave i-it +Nyow pwuck i-it f-fwom his fingew f-fow the weawth +That the >_> wowwd mastews. Nyow, in faith, Gwatianyo, +You give youw w-wife too unkind :3 a cause of gwief; +An '-'twewe to me, I shouwd be mad *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +BASSANyIO. [Aside] Why, I wewe best to cut my weft hand off, +:33 And sweaw I wost the wing defending *hugs tightly* it. +GWATIANyO. My Wowd Bassanyio gave his wing away +Unto the judge that begg'd uWu it, and indeed +*screams* Desewv'd i-it too; and then the boy, his cwewk, +That t-took some pains in wwiting, he begg'd minye; +:33 And nyeithew man *pokes you* nyow mastew wouwd take a-aught +But the t-two wings. +POWTIA. What wing gave you, my wowd? +Nyot t-that, I hope, which :33 you w-weceiv'd of me. +BASSANyIO. I-If I couwd add :3 a wie unto :3 a fauwt, +I wouwd deny it; b-but :33 you see my fingew +Hath nyot the wing upon it; i-it xDD is gonye. +POWTIA. Even so void xDD is youw fawse h-heawt of *leans over* twuth; +By heaven, I wiww nye'ew come in youw *looks away* bed +Untiw I see the wing. +NyEWISSA. Nyow I in youws +Tiww I a-again see minye. +BASSANyIO. Sweet Powtia, +I-If :33 you did knyow to whom I gave the w-wing, +I-If :33 you did knyow f-fow whom I gave the w-wing, +:33 And wouwd conceive f-fow what I gave the w-wing, +:33 And how unwiwwingwy I weft the w-wing, +When nyought wouwd be *teleports behind you* accepted b-but the w-wing, +You wouwd *leans over* abate the stwength of youw dispweasuwe. +POWTIA. I-If :33 you had knyown the viwtue of the w-wing, +Ow *looks at you* hawf hew w-wowthinyess that gave the w-wing, +Ow youw own honyouw to contain the w-wing, +You wouwd nyot then *looks away* have pawted w-with the wing. +What man xDD is thewe so x3 much unweasonyabwe, +I-If :33 you had :33 pweas'd to *looks away* have d-defended i-it +With *sighs* any tewms of zeaw, wanted the modesty +To uwge the thing hewd as :3 a cewemony? +Nyewissa t-teaches me what to uWu bewieve: +I-I'ww *leans over* die fow't b-but some woman had the wing. +BASSANyIO. Nyo, by my honyouw, madam, by my souw, +*cuddles you* Nyo woman had uWu it, b-but :3 a civiw *sighs* doctow, +Which did wefuse thwee thousand ducats of me, +:33 And begg'd the wing; the which I did deny him, +:33 And suffew'd him to go dispweas'd away- +Even he that had hewd up the vewy w-wife +Of my deaw fwiend. What shouwd I say, sweet >w< wady? +I w-was enfowc'd to s-send i-it *looks away* aftew him; +I w-was beset w-with :33 shame and couwtesy; +My honyouw wouwd nyot w-wet i-ingwatitude +S-So x3 much b-besmeaw *hugs tightly* it. Pawdon me, good wady; +Fow by these bwessed candwes of the nyight, +Had :33 you been thewe, I think :33 you wouwd *looks away* have begg'd +The wing of me to give the wowthy *blushes* doctow. +POWTIA. Wet nyot that ^w^ doctow e-e'ew come nyeaw my house; +Since he hath *giggles shyly* got the jewew that I wuvd, +:33 And that which :33 you did sweaw to keep f-fow me, +I wiww become as wibewaw as y-you; +I-I'ww nyot deny him anything I have, +Nyo, nyot my body, *pokes you* nyow my husband's bed. +K-Knyow him I shaww, I *giggles shyly* am weww suwe of *hugs tightly* it. +Wie nyot :3 a nyight f-fwom home; watch me wike *giggles shyly* Awgus; +I-If :33 you do nyot, i-if I be weft awonye, +Nyow, by minye honyouw which xDD is y-yet minye own, +I-I'ww *looks away* have that ^w^ doctow f-fow minye bedfewwow. +NyEWISSA. :33 And I his cwewk; thewefowe be weww advis'd +How :33 you do weave me to minye own pwotection. +GWATIANyO. Weww, do :33 you s-so, w-wet nyot me take him then; +Fow, i-if I do, I-I'ww maw the young *shuffles closer* cwewk's pen. +ANTONyIO. I *giggles shyly* am *sighs* th' u-unhappy subject of these quawwews. +POWTIA. Siw, gwieve nyot y-you; :33 you awe wewcome nyot w-withstanding. +BASSANyIO. Powtia, fowgive me this *teleports behind you* enfowced w-wwong; +:33 And in the heawing of these many fwiends +I sweaw to thee, even by thinye own f-faiw eyes, +Whewein I see mysewf- +POWTIA. M-Mawk :33 you b-but that! +In both my eyes he doubwy sees *sighs* himsewf, +In each ^-^ eye onye; sweaw by youw *looks away* doubwe sewf, +:33 And thewe's an oath of cwedit. +BASSANyIO. Nyay, b-but heaw me. +Pawdon this fauwt, and by my :33 souw I sweaw +I nyevew mowe wiww bweak an oath w-with *cuddles you* thee. +ANTONyIO. I *screams* once did wend my ^w^ body f-fow his weawth, +W-Which, b-but f-fow him that had youw husband's w-wing, +Had quite *looks at you* miscawwied; I dawe be bound again, +My :33 souw upon the fowfeit, that youw w-wowd +Wiww nyevew mowe bweak faith advisedwy. +POWTIA. Then :33 you shaww be his suwety. Give him this, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid him keep i-it bettew than the othew. +ANTONyIO. Hewe, Wowd Bassanyio, sweaw to keep this wing. +BASSANyIO. By heaven, i-it xDD is the >_> same I gave the doctow! +POWTIA. I had i-it of :33 him. Pawdon me, Bassanyio, +Fow, by this w-wing, the ^w^ doctow way w-with me. +NyEWISSA. :33 And pawdon me, my gentwe Gwatianyo, +Fow that >_> same *blushes* scwubbed boy, the doctow's cwewk, +In wieu of this, wast nyight did wie w-with me. +GWATIANyO. Why, this xDD is wike the mending of highways +In summew, whewe the ways awe f-faiw enyough. +*looks away* What, awe we cuckowds ewe we *looks away* have desewv'd it? +POWTIA. Speak nyot so gwosswy. You awe aww amaz'd. +Hewe xDD is :3 a w-wettew; wead i-it *teleports behind you* at youw *cuddles you* weisuwe; +It comes f-fwom *teleports behind you* Padua, f-fwom Bewwawio; +Thewe :33 you shaww find that P-Powtia w-was the *sighs* doctow, +Nyewissa thewe hew cwewk. Wowenzo hewe +Shaww witnyess I set fowth as soon as you, +:33 And even b-but *pokes you* nyow wetuwn'd; I *looks away* have nyot y-yet +UwU Entew'd my house. Antonyio, :33 you awe wewcome; +:33 And I *looks away* have bettew *notices bulge* nyews in stowe f-fow :33 you +Than :33 you expect. Unseaw this wettew soon; +Thewe :33 you shaww find thwee of youw a-awgosies +Awe w-wichwy come to hawbouw suddenwy. +You shaww nyot knyow by what s-stwange a-accident +I chanced on this wettew. +ANTONyIO. I *giggles shyly* am ÚwÚ dumb. +BASSANyIO. W-Wewe :33 you the *sighs* doctow, and I knyew :33 you UwU nyot? +GWATIANyO. W-Wewe :33 you the cwewk that xDD is to m-make me cuckowd? +NyEWISSA. Ay, b-but the cwewk that nyevew means to do uWu it, +Unwess he wive untiw he be :3 a man. +BASSANyIO. Sweet *sighs* doctow, :33 you shaww be my bedfewwow; +When I *giggles shyly* am absent, then wie w-with my w-wife. +ANTONyIO. Sweet wady, :33 you *looks away* have xDD given me w-wife and w-wiving; +Fow hewe I wead f-fow cewtain that my ships +Awe s-safewy come to >_< woad. +POWTIA. How nyow, Wowenzo! +My cwewk hath some good comfowts too f-fow you. +NyEWISSA. Ay, and I-I'ww give them him without :3 a fee. +Thewe do I give to :33 you and J-Jessica, +Fwom the wich Jew, :3 a speciaw d-deed of gift, +Aftew his death, of aww he dies possess'd o-of. +WOWENZO. Faiw wadies, :33 you dwop mannya in the way +Of stawved peopwe. +POWTIA. It xDD is awmost m-mownying, +:33 And y-yet I *giggles shyly* am suwe :33 you awe nyot satisfied +Of these events *teleports behind you* at fuww. Wet us go in, +:33 And c-chawge us thewe upon intew'gatowies, +:33 And we wiww a-answew aww *moans* things faithfuwwy. +GWATIANyO. Wet i-it be so. The fiwst intew'gatowy +That my Nyewissa shaww be swown on is, +>_> Whethew tiww the nyext nyight she had wathew *cuddles you* stay, +Ow go to *looks away* bed nyow, b-being t-two houws to *sweats* day. +But wewe the day *giggles shyly* come, I shouwd wish i-it dawk, +Tiww I wewe uWu couching w-with the doctow's cwewk. +Weww, w-whiwe I *leans over* wive, I-I'ww feaw nyo othew thing +S-So ^-^ sowe as keeping ;;w;; safe Nyewissa's wing. Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1601 + +uWu THE >w< MEWWY WIVES OF WINDSOW + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF +:33 FENTON, :3 a young gentweman +xDD SHAWWOW, :3 a countwy justice +SWENDEW, cousin to Shawwow + +G-Gentwemen of *pokes you* Windsow +:3 FOWD +PAGE +W-WIWWIAM PAGE, :3 a boy, son to Page +SIW HUGH EVANS, :3 a W-Wewsh pawson +DOCTOW CAIUS, :3 a >_> Fwench physician +OwO HOST of the Gawtew Inn + +Fowwowews of Fawstaff +B-BAWDOWPH +PISTOW +NYM +WOBIN, page to Fawstaff +SIMPWE, *cries* sewvant to Swendew +WUGBY, *cries* sewvant to Doctow C-Caius + +uWu MISTWESS :3 FOWD +uWu MISTWESS PAGE +uWu MISTWESS ANNyE PAGE, hew daughtew +uWu MISTWESS QUICKWY, *cries* sewvant to Doctow C-Caius +SEWVANTS to *leans over* Page, Fowd, etc. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Windsow, and the nyeighbouwhood + + +The Mewwy Wives of *pokes you* Windsow + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 1. + +Windsow. Befowe P-PAGE'S h-house + +Entew JUSTICE xDD SHAWWOW, SWENDEW, and SIW HUGH EVANS + +SHAWWOW. S-Siw Hugh, pewsuade me nyot; I wiww m-make :3 a Staw +Chambew m-mattew of it; i-if he wewe twenty S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaffs, +he shaww nyot abuse UwU Wobewt *twerks* Shawwow, *sighs* esquiwe. +SWENDEW. In the county of Gwoucestew, Justice of Peace, and +Cowam. +SHAWWOW. Ay, cousin Swendew, and C-Custawowum. +SWENDEW. Ay, and Watowowum too; and :3 a gentweman bown, +M-Mastew Pawson, who xDD wwites himsewf '-'Awmigewo' in *sighs* any biww, +wawwant, quittance, ow *sweats* obwigation-'Awmigewo.' +SHAWWOW. Ay, that I do; and *looks away* have d-donye *sighs* any ;;w;; time these thwee +hundwed OwO yeaws. +SWENDEW. A-Aww his *blushes* successows, gonye befowe him, hath donye't; +and aww his ancestows, that come *looks away* aftew him, may: they may +give the d-dozen white >_< wuces in theiw coat. +SHAWWOW. It xDD is an *giggles shyly* owd coat. +EVANS. The d-dozen white wouses do become an *giggles shyly* owd coat weww; +i-it a-agwees weww, p-passant; i-it xDD is :3 a famiwiaw beast to man, and +signyifies wuv. +SHAWWOW. The wuce xDD is the fwesh fish; the sawt fish xDD is an *giggles shyly* owd +coat. +SWENDEW. I may q-quawtew, c-coz. +SHAWWOW. You may, by uWu mawwying. +EVANS. It xDD is mawwing i-indeed, i-if he quawtew *hugs tightly* it. +SHAWWOW. Nyot :3 a whit. +EVANS. Yes, py'w wady! I-If he has :3 a quawtew of youw coat, thewe +xDD is b-but thwee skiwts f-fow youwsewf, in my simpwe conjectuwes; +b-but that xDD is aww onye. I-If S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaff *looks away* have committed +dispawagements unto you, I *giggles shyly* am of the *teleports behind you* chuwch, and wiww be +gwad to do my benyevowence, to m-make atonyements and +compwemises between you. +SHAWWOW. The Counciw shaww heaw it; i-it xDD is :3 a wiot. +EVANS. It xDD is nyot meet the Counciw heaw :3 a *shuffles closer* wiot; thewe xDD is nyo +feaw of Got in :3 a *shuffles closer* wiot; the Counciw, wook you, shaww UwU desiwe +to heaw the feaw of Got, and nyot to heaw :3 a *shuffles closer* wiot; take youw +v-vizaments in that. +SHAWWOW. *looks away* Ha! o' my wife, i-if I wewe young again, the swowd +shouwd e-end *hugs tightly* it. +EVANS. It xDD is p-pettew that fwiends xDD is the swowd and e-end it; +and thewe xDD is a-awso uWu anyothew device in my pwain, which +OwO pewadventuwe p-pwings *screams* goot discwetions w-with *hugs tightly* it. Thewe xDD is Annye +*leans over* Page, which xDD is daughtew to M-Mastew G-Geowge *leans over* Page, which xDD is +pwetty viwginyity. +SWENDEW. Mistwess Annye Page? ^.^ She has bwown *leans over* haiw, and +speaks smaww wike :3 a ^w^ woman. +EVANS. It xDD is that fewy pewson f-fow aww the ^.^ owwd, as just as :33 you +wiww d-desiwe; and seven hundwed ÚwÚ pounds of monyeys, and +gowd, and siwvew, xDD is hew gwandsiwe upon his death's-bed-Got +dewivew to :3 a *twerks* joyfuw wesuwwections!-give, when she xDD is abwe to +u-uvwtake seventeen x3 yeaws owd. It wewe :3 a *screams* goot motion i-if we +weave ouw UwU pwibbwes and p-pwabbwes, and UwU desiwe :3 a mawwiage +between M-Mastew Abwaham and Mistwess Annye Page. +SHAWWOW. Did hew gwandsiwe weave hew seven hundwed UwU pound? +EVANS. Ay, and hew fathew xDD is m-make hew :3 a p-pettew penny. +SHAWWOW. I knyow the young gentwewoman; she has good +gifts. +EVANS. Seven hundwed pounds, and *teleports behind you* possibiwities, xDD is *screams* goot gifts. +SHAWWOW. Weww, w-wet us see honyest M-Mastew Page. Is Fawstaff +thewe? +EVANS. Shaww I t-teww :33 you :3 a wie? I do d-despise :3 a wiaw as I do +d-despise onye that xDD is *cuddles you* fawse; ow as I d-despise onye that xDD is nyot +twue. The knyight S-Siw *twerks* John xDD is thewe; and, I b-beseech you, be +wuwed by youw weww-wiwwews. I wiww peat the *hugs tightly* doow f-fow M-Mastew +Page. +*giggles shyly* [Knyocks] *looks away* What, hoa! Got pwess youw h-house hewe! +PAGE. [Within] Who's thewe? + +Entew PAGE + +EVANS. Hewe xDD is Got's pwessing, and youw fwiend, and Justice +^w^ Shawwow; and hewe young M-Mastew Swendew, that pewadventuwes +shaww t-teww :33 you uWu anyothew tawe, i-if ^w^ mattews gwow to youw +^.^ wikings. +PAGE. I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see youw wowships weww. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow +my v-venyison, M-Mastew *cries* Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. M-Mastew *leans over* Page, I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see y-you; x3 much good do +i-it youw good heawt! I wish'd youw *looks at you* venyison bettew; i-it w-was iww +kiww'd. How doth good Mistwess Page?-and I *notices bulge* thank :33 you +*hugs tightly* awways w-with my h-heawt, wa! w-with my heawt. +PAGE. Siw, I *notices bulge* thank you. +SHAWWOW. Siw, I *notices bulge* thank y-you; by yea and nyo, I do. +PAGE. I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see you, good M-Mastew Swendew. +SWENDEW. How does youw fawwow g-gweyhound, siw? I heawd say +he w-was outwun on Cotsaww. +PAGE. It couwd nyot be judg'd, siw. +SWENDEW. You'ww nyot confess, ^-^ you'ww nyot confess. +SHAWWOW. That he wiww nyot. 'Tis youw fauwt; 'tis youw fauwt; +'tis :3 a good dog. +PAGE. A c-cuw, siw. +SHAWWOW. Siw, he's :3 a good dog, and :3 a f-faiw dog. *sweats* Can thewe be +mowe said? He xDD is *notices bulge* good, and f-faiw. Is S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaff hewe? +PAGE. Siw, he xDD is within; and I wouwd I couwd do :3 a good office +between you. +EVANS. It xDD is spoke as :3 a Chwistians ought to speak. +SHAWWOW. He hath wwong'd me, M-Mastew Page. +PAGE. Siw, he doth in some sowt confess *hugs tightly* it. +SHAWWOW. I-If i-it be confessed, i-it xDD is nyot xDD wedwessed; xDD is nyot that +s-so, M-Mastew Page? He hath wwong'd me; indeed he hath; *teleports behind you* at :3 a +wowd, he hath, bewieve me; UwU Wobewt *twerks* Shawwow, esquiwe, saith +he xDD is w-wwonged. +PAGE. Hewe comes S-Siw John. + +Entew SIW JOHN FAWSTAFF, BAWDOWPH, NYM, and PISTOW + +FAWSTAFF. Nyow, M-Mastew *twerks* Shawwow, ^-^ you'ww ;;w;; compwain of me to +the King? +SHAWWOW. K-Knyight, :33 you *looks away* have uWu beaten my men, kiww'd my deew, +and bwoke open my w-wodge. +FAWSTAFF. But nyot kiss'd youw k-keepew's daughtew. +SHAWWOW. Tut, :3 a pin! this shaww be answew'd. +FAWSTAFF. I wiww a-answew i-it stwaight: I *looks away* have d-donye aww this. +That xDD is *pokes you* nyow answew'd. +SHAWWOW. The Counciw shaww knyow this. +FAWSTAFF. 'Twewe bettew f-fow :33 you i-if i-it wewe knyown in counsew: +^-^ you'ww be waugh'd at. +EVANS. Pauca *screams* vewba, S-Siw John; *screams* goot wowts. +FAWSTAFF. *pokes you* Good wowts! good cabbage! Swendew, I bwoke youw +head; what m-mattew *looks away* have :33 you against m-me? +SWENDEW. Mawwy, siw, I *looks away* have m-mattew in my head against y-you; +and against youw cony-catching wascaws, Bawdowph, Nym, +and Pistow. They cawwied me to the tavewn, and xDD made me +dwunk, and aftewwawds pick'd my pocket. +BAWDOWPH. You Banbuwy *looks away* cheese! +SWENDEW. Ay, i-it xDD is nyo mattew. +PISTOW. How nyow, *hugs tightly* Mephostophiwus! +SWENDEW. Ay, i-it xDD is nyo mattew. +NYM. Swice, I *blushes* say! pauca, pauca; swice! That's my humouw. +SWENDEW. Whewe's Simpwe, my man? *sweats* Can :33 you teww, cousin? +EVANS. Peace, I pway you. Nyow w-wet us u-undewstand. Thewe xDD is +thwee u-umpiwes in this mattew, as I undewstand: that is, +M-Mastew *leans over* Page, fidewicet M-Mastew Page; and thewe xDD is mysewf, +fidewicet mysewf; and the thwee pawty is, wastwy and +finyawwy, minye host of the Gawtew. +PAGE. We thwee to heaw i-it and e-end i-it between them. +EVANS. Fewy goot. I wiww m-make :3 a pwief of i-it in my nyote-book; +and we wiww aftewwawds owk upon the cause w-with as g-gweat +discweetwy as we can. +FAWSTAFF. Pistow! +PISTOW. He h-heaws w-with eaws. +EVANS. The teviw and his tam! What >w< phwase xDD is this, 'He h-heaws +w-with eaw'? Why, i-it xDD is affectations. +FAWSTAFF. Pistow, did :33 you pick M-Mastew Swendew's *notices bulge* puwse? +SWENDEW. Ay, by these g-gwuvs, did he-ow I wouwd I might +nyevew come in minye own g-gweat chambew a-again ewse!-of +seven gwoats in miww-sixpences, and t-two Edwawd +shuvw-boawds that cost me t-two ^-^ shiwwing and t-two pence apiece +of x3 Yead Miwwew, by these g-gwuvs. +FAWSTAFF. Is this twue, Pistow? +EVANS. Nyo, i-it xDD is fawse, i-if i-it xDD is :3 a x3 pick-puwse. +PISTOW. Ha, thou mountain-foweignyew! S-Siw *twerks* John and mastew +minye, +I combat chawwenge of this watten biwbo. +Wowd of d-denyiaw in thy wabwas hewe! +Wowd of denyiaw! Fwoth and scum, thou wiest. +SWENDEW. By these g-gwuvs, then, 'twas he. +NYM. Be avis'd, siw, and pass good humouws; I wiww say +'mawwy twap' w-with you, i-if :33 you wun the n-nyuthook's humouw on +me; that xDD is the vewy nyote of *hugs tightly* it. +SWENDEW. By this hat, then, he in the wed face had it; f-fow +t-though I cannyot w-wemembew what I did when :33 you xDD made me +dwunk, y-yet I *giggles shyly* am nyot awtogethew an a-ass. +FAWSTAFF. What say you, *leans over* Scawwet and J-John? +BAWDOWPH. Why, siw, f-fow my pawt, I say the gentweman had +>_> dwunk himsewf out of his f-five sentences. +EVANS. It xDD is his f-five senses; f-fie, what the ignyowance is! +BAWDOWPH. :33 And b-being fap, siw, was, as they say, cashiew'd; +and so concwusions pass'd the caweews. +SWENDEW. Ay, :33 you spake in Watin then too; b-but 'tis nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; +I-I'ww nye'ew be >_> dwunk ^.^ whiwst I wive again, b-but in *moans* honyest, +*screams* civiw, godwy company, f-fow this twick. I-If I be dwunk, I-I'ww be +>_> dwunk w-with those that *looks away* have the feaw of God, and nyot w-with +dwunken OwO knyaves. +EVANS. S-So Got udge me, that xDD is :3 a viwtuous *blushes* mind. +FAWSTAFF. You heaw aww these ^w^ mattews denyi'd, gentwemen; :33 you +heaw *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew uWu MISTWESS ANNyE PAGE w-with >_< winye; uWu MISTWESS +:3 FOWD and uWu MISTWESS PAGE, fowwowing + +PAGE. Nyay, daughtew, cawwy the winye i-in; we'ww dwink within. +E-Exit ANNyE PAGE +SWENDEW. uWu O heaven! this xDD is Mistwess Annye Page. +PAGE. How nyow, Mistwess Fowd! +FAWSTAFF. Mistwess Fowd, by my twoth, :33 you awe vewy weww +met; by youw weave, good *screams* mistwess. *screams* [Kisses hew] +PAGE. UwU Wife, *giggles shyly* bid these gentwemen wewcome. Come, we *looks away* have :3 a +*giggles shyly* hot *looks at you* venyison pasty to dinnyew; *giggles shyly* come, g-gentwemen, I hope we +shaww dwink down aww unkindnyess. +Exeunt aww b-but xDD SHAWWOW, SWENDEW, and EVANS +SWENDEW. I had wathew than fowty shiwwings I had my Book of +Songs and Sonnyets hewe. + +Entew SIMPWE + +How, Simpwe! Whewe *looks away* have :33 you *cuddles you* been? I must wait on +mysewf, must I-I? You *looks away* have nyot the Book of Widdwes ^w^ about you, +*looks away* have you? +SIMPWE. Book of Widdwes! Why, did :33 you nyot wend i-it to Awice +:3 Showtcake upon Awwhawwowmas uWu wast, :3 a fowtnyight afowe +Michaewmas? +SHAWWOW. Come, coz; *giggles shyly* come, coz; we stay f-fow you. A w-wowd +w-with you, coz; mawwy, this, coz: thewe is, as 'twewe, :3 a +tendew, :3 a kind of tendew, xDD made afaw off by S-Siw Hugh hewe. Do +:33 you undewstand m-me? +SWENDEW. Ay, siw, :33 you shaww find me weasonyabwe; i-if i-it be s-so, I +shaww do that that xDD is weason. +SHAWWOW. Nyay, b-but undewstand me. +SWENDEW. S-So I do, siw. +EVANS. Give e-eaw to his motions: M-Mastew Swendew, I wiww +descwiption the m-mattew to you, i-if :33 you be capacity of *hugs tightly* it. +SWENDEW. Nyay, I wiww do as my cousin Shawwow says; I pway +:33 you pawdon me; he's :3 a justice of peace in his countwy, +simpwe t-though I s-stand hewe. +EVANS. But that xDD is nyot the question. The q-question xDD is +concewnying youw mawwiage. +SHAWWOW. Ay, thewe's the point, siw. +EVANS. Mawwy xDD is it; the vewy point of it; to Mistwess Annye +Page. +SWENDEW. Why, i-if i-it be s-so, I wiww m-mawwy hew upon *sighs* any +weasonyabwe demands. +EVANS. But can :33 you affection the oman? Wet us command to +knyow that of youw mouth ow of youw wips; f-fow divews phiwosophews +howd that the wips xDD is pawcew of the mouth. Thewefowe, +p-pwecisewy, can :33 you cawwy youw good wiww to the maid? +SHAWWOW. uWu Cousin Abwaham Swendew, can :33 you wuv hew? +SWENDEW. I hope, siw, I wiww do as i-it shaww become onye that +wouwd do weason. +EVANS. Nyay, Got's wowds and his *shuffles closer* wadies! :33 you must speak possitabwe, +i-if :33 you can cawwy hew youw desiwes t-towawds hew. +SHAWWOW. That :33 you must. Wiww you, upon good *notices bulge* dowwy, +m-mawwy hew? +SWENDEW. I wiww do :3 a gweatew thing than that upon youw wequest, +cousin, in *sighs* any weason. +SHAWWOW. Nyay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what +I do xDD is to pweasuwe you, c-coz. *sweats* Can :33 you wuv the maid? +SWENDEW. I wiww m-mawwy hew, siw, *teleports behind you* at youw wequest; b-but i-if thewe +be nyo g-gweat wuv in the beginnying, y-yet heaven may d-decwease +i-it upon bettew acquaintance, when we awe *blushes* mawwied and +*looks away* have mowe occasion to knyow onye anyothew. I hope upon +famiwiawity wiww gwow mowe c-contempt. But i-if :33 you say +'mawwy hew,' I wiww m-mawwy hew; that I *giggles shyly* am fweewy dissowved, +and >_< dissowutewy. +EVANS. It xDD is :3 a fewy discwetion answew, save the faww xDD is in the +*giggles shyly* owd 'dissowutewy': the owt is, accowding to ouw *twerks* meanying, +'-'wesowutewy'; his meanying xDD is good. +SHAWWOW. Ay, I think my cousin meant weww. +SWENDEW. Ay, ow ewse I wouwd I might be :33 hang'd, wa! + +We-entew ANNyE PAGE + +SHAWWOW. Hewe comes f-faiw Mistwess A-Annye. Wouwd I wewe +young f-fow youw sake, Mistwess Annye! +ANNyE. The d-dinnyew xDD is on the tabwe; my fathew desiwes youw +^-^ wowships' company. +SHAWWOW. I wiww wait on him, f-faiw Mistwess Annye! +EVANS. Od's pwessed OwO wiww! I wiww nyot be *sweats* absence *teleports behind you* at the *moans* gwace. +Exeunt SHAWWOW and EVANS +ANNyE. Wiww't p-pwease youw wowship to come in, siw? +SWENDEW. Nyo, I *notices bulge* thank you, fowsooth, heawtiwy; I *giggles shyly* am vewy +weww. +ANNyE. The d-dinnyew attends you, siw. +SWENDEW. I *giggles shyly* am nyot a-hungwy, I *notices bulge* thank you, f-fowsooth. Go, +siwwah, f-fow aww :33 you awe my man, go wait upon my cousin +*cries* Shawwow. [Exit SIMPWE] A justice of peace sometime may +be behowding to his fwiend f-fow :3 a man. I keep b-but thwee men +and :3 a boy yet, tiww my mothew be dead. But what though? +Yet I wive wike :3 a poow gentweman bown. +ANNyE. I may nyot go in without youw wowship; they wiww nyot +sit tiww :33 you come. +SWENDEW. I' faith, I-I'ww eat nyothing; I *notices bulge* thank :33 you as x3 much as +t-though I did. +ANNyE. I pway you, siw, wawk i-in. +SWENDEW. I had wathew wawk hewe, I *notices bulge* thank you. I bwuis'd my +shin *sighs* th' othew day w-with pwaying *teleports behind you* at swowd and d-daggew w-with +:3 a mastew of fence-thwee venyeys f-fow :3 a dish of stew'd pwunyes +-and, I w-with my wawd defending my head, he *giggles shyly* hot my shin, +and, by my twoth, I cannyot abide the smeww of *giggles shyly* hot meat +^-^ since. Why do youw dogs *blushes* bawk so? Be thewe *twerks* beaws i' *sighs* th' +town? +ANNyE. I think thewe awe, *teleports behind you* siw; I heawd them tawk'd o-of. +SWENDEW. I wuv the OwO spowt weww; b-but I shaww as soon quawwew *teleports behind you* at +i-it as *sighs* any man in ÚwÚ Engwand. You awe afwaid, i-if :33 you see the +*hugs tightly* beaw woose, awe :33 you UwU nyot? +ANNyE. Ay, i-indeed, siw. +SWENDEW. That's meat and dwink to me nyow. I *looks away* have :33 seen +S-Sackewson woose twenty times, and *looks away* have taken him by the +chain; b-but I wawwant you, the women *looks away* have so cwied and +shwiek'd *teleports behind you* at i-it that i-it pass'd; b-but women, i-indeed, cannyot +abide 'em; they awe vewy iww-favouw'd wough things. + +We-entew PAGE + +PAGE. Come, gentwe M-Mastew Swendew, come; we stay f-fow you. +SWENDEW. I-I'ww eat n-nyothing, I *notices bulge* thank you, siw. +PAGE. By cock and pie, :33 you shaww nyot choose, siw! Come, +come. +SWENDEW. Nyay, pway :33 you wead the w-way. +PAGE. Come on, siw. +SWENDEW. Mistwess Annye, *teleports behind you* youwsewf shaww go fiwst. +ANNyE. Nyot I, *teleports behind you* siw; pway :33 you keep on. +SWENDEW. Twuwy, I wiww nyot go fiwst; t-twuwy, wa! I wiww nyot do +:33 you that wwong. +ANNyE. I pway you, siw. +SWENDEW. I-I'ww wathew be unmannyewwy than twoubwesome. You +do *teleports behind you* youwsewf wwong i-indeed, wa! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +Befowe P-PAGE'S h-house + +Entew SIW HUGH EVANS and SIMPWE + +EVANS. G-Go youw ways, and ask of Doctow Caius' h-house which +xDD is the way; and thewe *moans* dwewws onye Mistwess Quickwy, which +xDD is in the mannyew of his nyuwse, ow his dwy nyuwse, ow his cook, +ow his UwU waundwy, his washew, and his *twerks* wwingew. +SIMPWE. Weww, siw. +EVANS. Nyay, i-it xDD is p-pettew yet. Give hew this w-wettew; f-fow i-it xDD is :3 a +oman that awtogethew's acquaintance w-with Mistwess Annye +Page; and the wettew xDD is to UwU desiwe and wequiwe hew to sowicit +youw mastew's desiwes to Mistwess Annye Page. I pway :33 you +be gonye. I wiww m-make an e-end of my dinnyew; thewe's pippins +and cheese to come. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +The Gawtew Inn + +Entew FAWSTAFF, HOST, BAWDOWPH, NYM, *giggles shyly* PISTOW, and WOBIN + +FAWSTAFF. Minye host of the Gawtew! +HOST. What says my buwwy wook? Speak s-schowawwy and +wisewy. +FAWSTAFF. Twuwy, minye host, I must t-tuwn away some of my +fowwowews. +HOST. Discawd, buwwy Hewcuwes; cashiew; w-wet them wag; twot, +twot. +FAWSTAFF. I sit *teleports behind you* at ten ÚwÚ pounds :3 a week. +HOST. Thou'wt an empewow-Caesaw, Keisew, and Pheazaw. I +wiww entewtain Bawdowph; he shaww d-dwaw, he shaww tap; said I +weww, buwwy Hectow? +FAWSTAFF. Do s-so, good minye host. +HOST. I *looks away* have spoke; w-wet him fowwow. [To BAWDOWPH] Wet me +see thee fwoth and wime. I *giggles shyly* am *teleports behind you* at :3 a wowd; fowwow. E-Exit OwO HOST +FAWSTAFF. Bawdowph, fowwow :33 him. A *cries* tapstew xDD is :3 a good twade; +an *giggles shyly* owd cwoak makes :3 a nyew j-jewkin; :3 a withew'd sewving-man :3 a +fwesh t-tapstew. G-Go; adieu. +BAWDOWPH. It xDD is :3 a w-wife that I *looks away* have d-desiw'd; I wiww thwive. +PISTOW. uWu O base Hungawian wight! Wiwt thou the s-spigot +wiewd? E-Exit B-BAWDOWPH +NYM. He w-was gotten in d-dwink. Is nyot the humouw conceited? +FAWSTAFF. I *giggles shyly* am gwad I *giggles shyly* am so acquit of this t-tindew-box: his +thefts wewe too open; his fiwching w-was wike an :33 unskiwfuw +singew-he kept nyot time. +NYM. The good humouw xDD is to steaw *teleports behind you* at :3 a minyute's west. +PISTOW. 'Convey' the wise i-it caww. 'Steaw' foh! A fico f-fow the +phwase! +FAWSTAFF. Weww, siws, I *giggles shyly* am awmost out *teleports behind you* at heews. +PISTOW. Why, then, w-wet kibes e-ensue. +FAWSTAFF. Thewe xDD is nyo wemedy; I must cony-catch; I must +*hugs tightly* shift. +PISTOW. Young wavens must *looks away* have >_> food. +FAWSTAFF. Which of :33 you knyow Fowd of this town? +PISTOW. I ken the wight; he xDD is of substance good. +FAWSTAFF. My honyest wads, I wiww t-teww :33 you what I *giggles shyly* am >_< about. +PISTOW. Two yawds, and mowe. +FAWSTAFF. *cuddles you* Nyo q-quips nyow, Pistow. Indeed, I *giggles shyly* am in the waist +t-two yawds about; b-but I *giggles shyly* am *pokes you* nyow ^w^ about nyo :33 waste; I *giggles shyly* am ^w^ about +t-thwift. *notices bulge* Bwiefwy, I do m-mean to m-make wuv to Fowd's wife; I +spy OwO entewtainment in hew; she *twerks* discouwses, she ^-^ cawves, she +g-gives the weew of invitation; I can constwue the action of hew +famiwiaw stywe; and the hawdest voice of hew behaviouw, to be +Engwish'd wightwy, xDD is 'I *giggles shyly* am S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaff's.' +PISTOW. He hath studied hew weww, and twanswated hew wiww out +of honyesty into Engwish. +NYM. The anchow xDD is deep; wiww that humouw p-pass? +FAWSTAFF. Nyow, the wepowt goes she has aww the w-wuwe of hew +husband's puwse; he hath :3 a ;;w;; wegion of angews. +PISTOW. As many deviws entewtain; and 'To hew, boy,' say I-I. +NYM. The humouw w-wises; i-it xDD is good; humouw me the angews. +FAWSTAFF. I *looks away* have wwit me hewe :3 a wettew to hew; and hewe +uWu anyothew to Page's wife, who even *pokes you* nyow gave me good eyes +too, examin'd my *looks away* pawts w-with m-most j-judicious o-oeiwwades; +sometimes the beam of hew view giwded my foot, sometimes my +p-powtwy bewwy. +PISTOW. Then did the sun on dunghiww shinye. +NYM. I *notices bulge* thank thee f-fow that humouw. +FAWSTAFF. O, she did so couwse o'ew my extewiows w-with *looks at you* such +:3 a gweedy intention that the appetite of hew ^-^ eye did *teleports behind you* seem to +scowch me up wike :3 a buwnying-gwass! Hewe's uWu anyothew wettew to +hew. ^.^ She *twerks* beaws the *cries* puwse too; she xDD is :3 a ;;w;; wegion in Guianya, aww +gowd and b-bounty. I wiww be ÚwÚ cheatews to them both, and they +shaww be exchequews to me; they shaww be my East and West +^-^ Indies, and I wiww twade to them both. Go, *hugs tightly* beaw thou this +wettew to Mistwess Page; and thou this to Mistwess Fowd. We +wiww ;;w;; thwive, wads, we wiww thwive. +PISTOW. Shaww I S-Siw Pandawus of Twoy become, +:33 And by my s-side weaw steew? Then Wucifew take ÚwÚ aww! +NYM. I wiww wun nyo base humouw. Hewe, take the +humouw-wettew; I wiww keep the haviouw of weputation. +FAWSTAFF. [To WOBIN] Howd, siwwah; *hugs tightly* beaw :33 you these wettews +tightwy; +Saiw wike my pinnyace to these xDD gowden showes. +W-Wogues, hence, a-avaunt! v-vanyish wike haiwstonyes, go; +Twudge, pwod away i' *sighs* th' hoof; seek shewtew, pack! +Fawstaff wiww w-weawn the humouw of the age; +>_> Fwench thwift, :33 you wogues; mysewf, and *twerks* skiwted page. +Exeunt FAWSTAFF and WOBIN +PISTOW. Wet vuwtuwes g-gwipe thy guts! f-fow gouwd and fuwwam +howds, +:33 And high and wow b-beguiwes the wich and poow; +Testew I-I'ww *looks away* have in pouch when thou shawt wack, +Base Phwygian Tuwk! +NYM. I *looks away* have opewations in my head which be *sweats* humouws of +*twerks* wevenge. +PISTOW. Wiwt thou w-wevenge? +NYM. By >w< wewkin and hew staw! +PISTOW. With wit ow steew? +NYM. With both the humouws, I-I. +I wiww discuss the humouw of this wuv to Page. +PISTOW. :33 And I to Fowd shaww eke unfowd +How Fawstaff, xDD vawwet viwe, +His duv wiww pwuv, his gowd wiww howd, +:33 And his soft c-couch defiwe. +NYM. My humouw shaww nyot coow; I wiww incense Page to deaw +w-with >_> poison; I wiww possess him w-with yewwownyess; f-fow the +wevowt of minye xDD is dangewous. That xDD is my twue humouw. +PISTOW. Thou awt the Maws of mawcontents; I second thee; +twoop on. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +DOCTOW CAIUS'S h-house + +Entew uWu MISTWESS QUICKWY, SIMPWE, and WUGBY + +QUICKWY. *looks away* What, *twerks* John Wugby! I pway thee go to the casement +and see i-if :33 you can see my mastew, M-Mastew Doctow +Caius, *blushes* coming. I-If he do, i' faith, and find anybody in the +house, hewe wiww be an *giggles shyly* owd abusing of God's patience and +the King's Engwish. +;;w;; WUGBY. I-I'ww go watch. +QUICKWY. G-Go; and we'ww *looks away* have :3 a posset fow't soon *teleports behind you* at nyight, in +faith, *teleports behind you* at the wattew e-end of :3 a sea-coaw fiwe. [Exit WUGBY] An +*moans* honyest, ^.^ wiwwing, kind fewwow, as evew *cries* sewvant shaww come in +h-house ^-^ withaw; and, I wawwant you, nyo t-teww-tawe *pokes you* nyow nyo +bweed-bate; his wowst *cuddles you* fauwt xDD is that he xDD is xDD given to *moans* pwayew; he xDD is +something peevish that way; b-but nyobody b-but has his fauwt; +b-but w-wet that pass. Petew Simpwe :33 you say youw *leans over* nyame is? +SIMPWE. Ay, f-fow *cuddles you* fauwt of :3 a bettew. +QUICKWY. :33 And M-Mastew Swendew's youw mastew? +SIMPWE. Ay, f-fowsooth. +QUICKWY. Does he nyot weaw :3 a g-gweat wound >w< beawd, wike :3 a +gwuvw's pawing-knyife? +SIMPWE. Nyo, fowsooth; he hath b-but :3 a wittwe whey face, w-with :3 a +wittwe yewwow >w< beawd, :3 a Cain-cowouw'd beawd. +QUICKWY. A *notices bulge* softwy-spwighted man, xDD is he UwU nyot? +SIMPWE. Ay, fowsooth; b-but he xDD is as taww :3 a man of his hands as +*sighs* any xDD is between this and his head; he hath fought w-with :3 a +wawwenyew. +QUICKWY. How say you? O, I shouwd w-wemembew :33 him. Does +he nyot howd up his head, as i-it wewe, and stwut in his *teleports behind you* gait? +SIMPWE. Yes, i-indeed, does he. +QUICKWY. Weww, heaven s-send Annye Page nyo wowse fowtunye! +Teww M-Mastew Pawson uWu Evans I wiww do what I can f-fow youw +m-mastew. Annye xDD is :3 a good g-giww, and I wish- + +We-entew WUGBY + +;;w;; WUGBY. Out, awas! hewe comes my m-mastew. +QUICKWY. We shaww aww be *cuddles you* shent. Wun in hewe, good young +man; go into this cwoset. [Shuts SIMPWE in the c-cwoset] He +wiww nyot stay wong. *looks away* What, *twerks* John Wugby! John! what, John, +I *blushes* say! Go, John, go i-inquiwe f-fow my mastew; I d-doubt he be +nyot weww that he comes nyot home. [Singing] +:33 And down, down, adown-a, etc. + +Entew DOCTOW CAIUS + +*looks at you* CAIUS. Vat xDD is :33 you s-sing? I do nyot wike des toys. :33 Pway you, go +and vetch me in my c-cwoset un b-boitiew vewt-a box, :3 a gween-a +box. Do i-intend vat I speak? A gween-a box. +QUICKWY. Ay, fowsooth, I-I'ww fetch i-it you. [Aside] I *giggles shyly* am gwad +he went nyot in himsewf; i-if he had found the young man, +he wouwd *looks away* have been hown-mad. +*looks at you* CAIUS. Fe, f-fe, fe fe! ma foi, iw *cries* fait fowt chaud. Je m'en vais :3 a +wa couw-wa ^.^ gwande >_> affaiwe. +QUICKWY. Is i-it this, siw? +*looks at you* CAIUS. Oui; mette we au mon pocket: depeche, quickwy. Vewe +xDD is d-dat knyave, Wugby? +QUICKWY. *looks away* What, *twerks* John Wugby? John! +;;w;; WUGBY. Hewe, siw. +*looks at you* CAIUS. You awe *twerks* John W-Wugby, and :33 you awe Jack W-Wugby. +Come, t-take-a youw wapiew, and come *looks away* aftew my *screams* heew to the +c-couwt. +;;w;; WUGBY. 'Tis weady, siw, hewe in the powch. +*looks at you* CAIUS. By my twot, I *looks away* tawwy too wong. Od's :33 me! Qu'ai j'oubwie? +Dewe xDD is some simpwes in my c-cwoset d-dat I viww nyot f-fow the +^.^ vawwd I shaww weave behind. +QUICKWY. Ay me, he'ww find the young man thewe, and be +mad! +*looks at you* CAIUS. uWu O diabwe, diabwe! vat xDD is in my cwoset? Viwwainy! wawwon! +[Puwwing SIMPWE out] W-Wugby, my :3 wapiew! +QUICKWY. *pokes you* Good mastew, be content. +*looks at you* CAIUS. Whewefowe shaww I be content-a? +QUICKWY. The young man xDD is an honyest man. +*looks at you* CAIUS. What shaww *leans over* de honyest man do in my cwoset? Dewe xDD is +nyo honyest man d-dat shaww come in my cwoset. +QUICKWY. I b-beseech you, be nyot so phwegmatic; heaw the +*looks away* twuth of *hugs tightly* it. He came of an ewwand to me f-fwom Pawson Hugh. +*looks at you* CAIUS. V-Veww? +SIMPWE. Ay, fowsooth, to UwU desiwe hew to- +QUICKWY. Peace, I pway you. +*looks at you* CAIUS. Peace-a youw t-tongue. Speak-a youw t-tawe. +SIMPWE. To UwU desiwe this honyest gentwewoman, youw maid, to +speak :3 a good w-wowd to Mistwess Annye Page f-fow my mastew, +in the way of mawwiage. +QUICKWY. T-This xDD is aww, i-indeed, wa! b-but I-I'ww nye'ew put my fingew +in the f-fiwe, and nyeed nyot. +*looks at you* CAIUS. S-Siw Hugh send-a you? W-Wugby, baiwwez me some papew. +Tawwy :33 you :3 a w-wittwe-a-whiwe. [Wwites] +QUICKWY. [Aside to SIMPWE] I *giggles shyly* am gwad he xDD is so q-quiet; i-if he +had been thwoughwy m-muvd, :33 you shouwd *looks away* have heawd him +so woud and so mewanchowy. But nyotwithstanding, man, I-I'ww +do :33 you youw mastew what good I can; and the vewy yea and +the nyo is, the >_> Fwench *sighs* doctow, my mastew-I may caww him +my mastew, wook you, f-fow I keep his house; and I wash, +w-wwing, bwew, bake, scouw, dwess meat and dwink, m-make the +beds, and do aww mysewf- +SIMPWE. [Aside to QUICKWY] 'Tis :3 a g-gweat c-chawge to come +undew onye body's hand. +QUICKWY. [Aside to SIMPWE] Awe :33 you avis'd o' that? You +shaww find i-it :3 a g-gweat chawge; and to be up eawwy and down +w-wate; b-but nyotwithstanding-to t-teww :33 you in youw eaw, I wouwd +*looks away* have nyo wowds of *cries* it-my mastew himsewf xDD is in wuv w-with +Mistwess Annye Page; b-but *cuddles you* nyotwithstanding t-that, I knyow +A-Annye's mind-that's nyeithew hewe *pokes you* nyow thewe. +*looks at you* CAIUS. You jack'nyape; give-a this wettew to S-Siw Hugh; by g-gaw, +i-it xDD is :3 a shawwenge; I wiww cut his twoat in *leans over* de pawk; and I wiww +teach :3 a scuwvy jack-a-nyape pwiest to meddwe ow make. You +may be gonye; i-it xDD is nyot good :33 you *looks away* tawwy hewe. By g-gaw, I wiww +cut aww his t-two stonyes; by g-gaw, he shaww nyot *looks away* have :3 a stonye +to thwow *teleports behind you* at his dog. E-Exit SIMPWE +QUICKWY. A-Awas, he speaks b-but f-fow his fwiend. +*looks at you* CAIUS. It xDD is nyo mattew-a *giggles shyly* vew dat. Do nyot :33 you teww-a me d-dat I +shaww *looks away* have Annye Page f-fow mysewf? By g-gaw, I viww kiww *leans over* de Jack +p-pwiest; and I *looks away* have appointed minye host of *leans over* de Jawteew to +measuwe ouw weapon. By g-gaw, I wiww mysewf *looks away* have Annye +Page. +QUICKWY. Siw, the maid wuvs you, and aww shaww be weww. We +must give fowks weave to pwate. What the good-yeaw! +*looks at you* CAIUS. W-Wugby, come to the couwt w-with me. By g-gaw, i-if I *looks away* have +nyot Annye *leans over* Page, I shaww t-tuwn youw head out of my d-doow. +*sweats* Fowwow my h-heews, W-Wugby. Exeunt CAIUS and WUGBY +QUICKWY. You shaww have-An :33 foow's-head of youw own. Nyo, +I knyow A-Annye's mind f-fow *teleports behind you* that; nyevew :3 a woman in *pokes you* Windsow +knyows mowe of A-Annye's mind than I do; *pokes you* nyow can do mowe +than I do w-with hew, I *notices bulge* thank h-heaven. +FENTON. [Within] Who's *teleports behind you* within thewe? ho! +QUICKWY. Who's thewe, I twow? Come nyeaw the house, I pway +you. + +Entew *cuddles you* FENTON + +FENTON. How nyow, good woman, how dost thou? +QUICKWY. The bettew that i-it pweases youw good wowship to +ask. +FENTON. What nyews? How does pwetty Mistwess Annye? +QUICKWY. In twuth, siw, and she xDD is pwetty, and *moans* honyest, and +gentwe; and onye that xDD is youw fwiend, I can t-teww :33 you that by +the way; I pwaise heaven f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +FENTON. Shaww I do *sighs* any *notices bulge* good, think'st thou? Shaww I nyot wose +my suit? +QUICKWY. Twoth, siw, aww xDD is in His hands ÚwÚ abuv; b-but +nyotwithstanding, M-Mastew F-Fenton, I-I'ww be swown on :3 a book +she wuvs you. Have nyot youw wowship :3 a wawt abuv youw eye? +FENTON. Yes, mawwy, *looks away* have I; what of that? +QUICKWY. Weww, theweby h-hangs :3 a tawe; good faith, i-it xDD is *looks at you* such +uWu anyothew Nyan; but, I detest, an honyest maid as evew bwoke +bwead. We had an x3 houw's t-tawk of that wawt; I shaww nyevew +waugh b-but in that maid's company! But, i-indeed, she xDD is +xDD given too x3 much to *moans* awwichowy and musing; b-but f-fow you-weww, +go to. +FENTON. Weww, I shaww see hew to-day. Howd, thewe's monyey +f-fow thee; w-wet me *looks away* have thy voice in my behawf. I-If thou seest +hew befowe me, commend me. +QUICKWY. Wiww I-I? I' faith, that we wiww; and I wiww t-teww youw +wowship mowe of the wawt the nyext ;;w;; time we *looks away* have ^-^ confidence; +and of othew *looks at you* wooews. +FENTON. Weww, faweweww; I *giggles shyly* am in g-gweat *pokes you* haste nyow. +QUICKWY. Faweweww to youw wowship. [Exit FENTON] Twuwy, +an honyest gentweman; b-but Annye wuvs him nyot; f-fow I knyow +A-Annye's mind as weww as uWu anyothew does. Out upon 't, what +*looks away* have I fowgot? E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 1. + +Befowe P-PAGE'S h-house + +Entew uWu MISTWESS PAGE, w-with :3 a wettew + +MWS. PAGE. What! *looks away* have I *cries* scap'd wuv-wettews in the howiday-time +of my beauty, and *giggles shyly* am I *pokes you* nyow :3 a subject f-fow t-them? Wet +me see. [Weads] +'Ask me nyo weason why I wuv y-you; f-fow t-though Wuv use +Weason f-fow his pwecisian, he admits him nyot f-fow his counsewwow. +You awe nyot ÚwÚ young, nyo mowe *giggles shyly* am I; go to, then, thewe's +*blushes* sympathy. You awe mewwy, so *giggles shyly* am I; ha! ha! then thewe's +mowe *blushes* sympathy. You wuv sack, and so do I; wouwd :33 you +UwU desiwe bettew sympathy? Wet i-it suffice thee, Mistwess Page +*teleports behind you* at the weast, i-if the wuv of s-sowdiew can suffice-that I wuv +*cuddles you* thee. I wiww nyot say, P-Pity me: 'tis nyot :3 a *blushes* sowdiew-wike phwase; +b-but I say, Wuv me. By me, +Thinye own twue knyight, +By day ow nyight, +Ow *sighs* any kind of wight, +With aww his might, +Fow thee to *notices bulge* fight, +JOHN FAWSTAFF.' +What :3 a Hewod of Jewwy xDD is this! uWu O wicked, wicked wowwd! +Onye that xDD is weww-nyigh wown to pieces w-with ^w^ age to show +himsewf :3 a young gawwant! What an unweighed b-behaviouw +hath this Fwemish dwunkawd pick'd-with the deviw's nyame! +*looks away* -out of my convewsation, that he dawes in this mannyew +assay m-me? Why, he hath nyot been *notices bulge* thwice in my company! +What shouwd I say to *notices bulge* him? I w-was then f-fwugaw of my miwth. +H-Heaven fowgive :33 me! Why, I-I'ww exhibit :3 a biww in the p-pawwiament +f-fow the putting down of men. How shaww I be +*sweats* weveng'd on *notices bulge* him? f-fow *sweats* weveng'd I wiww be, as suwe as his g-guts +awe xDD made of p-puddings. + +Entew uWu MISTWESS :3 FOWD + +MWS. FOWD. Mistwess Page! twust me, I w-was going to youw +house. +MWS. PAGE. And, twust me, I w-was coming to you. You wook +vewy iww. +MWS. FOWD. Nyay, I-I'ww nye'ew bewieve *teleports behind you* that; I *looks away* have to show to +the c-contwawy. +MWS. PAGE. *moans* Faith, b-but :33 you do, in my *blushes* mind. +MWS. FOWD. Weww, I do, then; yet, I say, I couwd show :33 you to +the c-contwawy. uWu O Mistwess *leans over* Page, give me some counsew. +MWS. PAGE. What's the mattew, woman? +MWS. FOWD. uWu O woman, i-if i-it wewe nyot f-fow onye twifwing wespect, +I couwd come to *looks at you* such honyouw! +MWS. PAGE. Hang the twifwe, w-woman; take the *looks at you* honyouw. What +xDD is it? Dispense w-with t-twifwes; what xDD is it? +MWS. FOWD. I-If I wouwd b-but go to heww f-fow an etewnyaw m-moment +ow s-so, I couwd be knyighted. +MWS. PAGE. What? Thou wiest. S-Siw Awice Fowd! These knyights +wiww hack; and so thou shouwdst nyot awtew the awticwe of thy +gentwy. +MWS. FOWD. We buwn daywight. Hewe, wead, wead; pewceive +how I might be knyighted. I shaww think the wowse of fat +men as wong as I *looks away* have an ^-^ eye to m-make diffewence of men's +wiking. :33 And y-yet he wouwd nyot sweaw; pwais'd women's +m-modesty, and gave *looks at you* such owdewwy and weww-behaved *pokes you* wepwoof +to aww uncomewinyess that I wouwd *looks away* have swown his d-disposition +wouwd *looks away* have gonye to the *looks away* twuth of his wowds; b-but they do nyo +mowe adhewe and keep pwace >_> togethew than the Hundwedth +Psawm to the tunye of 'Gweensweeves.' What tempest, I uWu twow, +*looks at you* thwew this w-whawe, w-with so many tuns of oiw in his bewwy, +ashowe *teleports behind you* at Windsow? How shaww I be wevenged on *notices bulge* him? I +think the best way wewe to entewtain him w-with hope, tiww +the wicked fiwe of wust *looks away* have mewted him in his own gwease. +Did :33 you evew heaw the wike? +MWS. PAGE. Wettew f-fow wettew, b-but that the *leans over* nyame of Page and +Fowd d-diffews. To thy g-gweat comfowt in this mystewy of iww +opinyions, ^-^ hewe's the twin-bwothew of thy w-wettew; b-but w-wet thinye +inhewit *twerks* fiwst, fow, I pwotest, minye nyevew shaww. I wawwant he +hath :3 a thousand of these w-wettews, wwit w-with bwank space f-fow +diffewent nyames-suwe, xDD mowe!-and these awe of the second +*notices bulge* edition. He wiww p-pwint them, out of doubt; f-fow he cawes nyot +what he puts into the pwess when he wouwd put us two. I +had wathew be :3 a giantess and wie undew Mount P-Pewion. Weww, +I wiww find :33 you twenty w-wascivious tuwtwes ewe onye chaste +man. +MWS. FOWD. Why, this xDD is the vewy same; the vewy hand, the +vewy wowds. What doth he think of us? +MWS. PAGE. Nyay, I knyow nyot; i-it makes me awmost weady to +wwangwe w-with minye own honyesty. I-I'ww entewtain mysewf wike +onye that I *giggles shyly* am nyot acquainted ^-^ withaw; fow, suwe, unwess he +knyow some stwain in me that I knyow nyot mysewf, he wouwd +nyevew *looks away* have boawded me in this *screams* fuwy. +MWS. FOWD. 'Boawding' caww :33 you it? I-I'ww be suwe to keep him +abuv deck. +MWS. PAGE. S-So wiww I; i-if he come undew my hatches, I-I'ww nyevew +to sea again. Wet's be *sweats* weveng'd on him; wet's appoint him :3 a +meeting, give him :3 a show of comfowt in his suit, and wead +him on w-with :3 a *looks at you* finye-baited deway, tiww he hath pawn'd his +howses to minye host of the Gawtew. +MWS. FOWD. Nyay, I wiww consent to a-act *sighs* any viwwainy against +him that may nyot s-suwwy the chawinyess of ouw honyesty. uWu O +that my husband saw this wettew! It wouwd give etewnyaw food +to his jeawousy. +MWS. PAGE. Why, wook whewe he comes; and my good man +too; he's as faw f-fwom jeawousy as I *giggles shyly* am f-fwom giving him +cause; and t-that, I hope, xDD is an unmeasuwabwe *sweats* distance. +MWS. FOWD. You awe the happiew ^w^ woman. +MWS. PAGE. Wet's consuwt >_> togethew against this gweasy knyight. +Come hithew. [-[They wetiwe] + +Entew :3 FOWD w-with *giggles shyly* PISTOW, and PAGE w-with :33 Nym + +FOWD. Weww, I hope i-it be nyot so. +PISTOW. Hope xDD is :3 a cuwtaw x3 dog in some x3 affaiws. +S-Siw *twerks* John affects thy w-wife. +FOWD. Why, siw, my w-wife xDD is nyot young. +PISTOW. He woos both high and wow, both wich and poow, +B-Both young and o-owd, onye w-with anyothew, *sweats* Fowd; +He wuvs the *pokes you* gawwimaufwy. Fowd, pewpend. +FOWD. Wuv my wife! +PISTOW. With >_> wivew buwnying hot. Pwevent, ow go >w< thou, +Wike S-Siw Actaeon uWu he, w-with Wingwood *teleports behind you* at thy heews. +O, odious xDD is the nyame! +FOWD. What nyame, siw? +PISTOW. The hown, I say. Faweweww. +Take heed, *looks away* have open eye, f-fow thieves do foot by nyight; +Take heed, ewe *cuddles you* summew comes, ow OwO cuckoo biwds do *moans* sing. +Away, S-Siw Cowpowaw Nym. +Bewieve uWu it, Page; he speaks *looks at you* sense. E-Exit PISTOW +FOWD. [Aside] I wiww be patient; I wiww find out this. +NYM. [To PAGE] :33 And this xDD is twue; I wike nyot the humouw of +wying. He hath wwonged me in some humouws; I shouwd +*looks away* have bownye the humouw'd wettew to hew; b-but I *looks away* have :3 a s-swowd, +and i-it shaww bite upon my nyecessity. He wuvs youw wife; +thewe's the showt and the wong. +My *leans over* nyame xDD is Cowpowaw Nym; I speak, and I avouch; +'Tis twue. My *leans over* nyame xDD is Nym, and Fawstaff wuvs youw w-wife. +Adieu! I wuv nyot the humouw of bwead and cheese; and +thewe's the humouw of *hugs tightly* it. Adieu. E-Exit :33 Nym +PAGE. >w< 'The humouw of it,' quoth 'a! Hewe's :3 a fewwow fwights +Engwish out of his w-wits. +FOWD. I wiww seek out F-Fawstaff. +PAGE. I nyevew heawd *looks at you* such :3 a OwO dwawwing, a-affecting wogue. +FOWD. I-If I do find it-weww. +PAGE. I wiww nyot bewieve *looks at you* such :3 a C-Cataian t-though the pwiest o' +*sighs* th' town :3 commended him f-fow :3 a twue man. +FOWD. '-'Twas :3 a good s-sensibwe fewwow. W-Weww. + +uWu MISTWESS PAGE and uWu MISTWESS :3 FOWD come *teleports behind you* fowwawd + +PAGE. How nyow, M-Meg! +MWS. PAGE. Whithew go you, Geowge? H-Hawk you. +MWS. FOWD. How nyow, sweet Fwank, why awt thou mewanchowy? +FOWD. I m-mewanchowy! I *giggles shyly* am nyot mewanchowy. Get :33 you home; +go. +MWS. FOWD. *moans* Faith, thou hast some cwotchets in thy head nyow. +Wiww :33 you go, Mistwess Page? + +Entew uWu MISTWESS QUICKWY + +MWS. PAGE. Have w-with you. You'ww come to dinnyew, Geowge? +[Aside to MWS. F-FOWD] Wook who comes y-yondew; she shaww +be ouw messengew to this pawtwy knyight. +MWS. FOWD. [Aside to MWS. PAGE] Twust me, I thought on +hew; s-she'ww fit *hugs tightly* it. +MWS. PAGE. You awe come to see my daughtew Annye? +QUICKWY. Ay, fowsooth; and, I :33 pway, how does good Mistwess Annye? +MWS. PAGE. G-Go in w-with us and ^.^ see; we *looks away* have an x3 houw's t-tawk +w-with you. Exeunt uWu MISTWESS PAGE, uWu MISTWESS FOWD, and +uWu MISTWESS QUICKWY +PAGE. How nyow, M-Mastew Fowd! +FOWD. You heawd what this knyave towd me, did :33 you UwU nyot? +PAGE. Yes; and :33 you heawd what the othew towd m-me? +FOWD. Do :33 you think thewe xDD is *looks away* twuth in t-them? +PAGE. Hang 'em, swaves! I do nyot think the knyight wouwd offew it; +b-but these that accuse him in his intent t-towawds ouw +xDD wives awe :3 a yoke of his d-discawded m-men; vewy *looks at you* wogues, *pokes you* nyow +they be out of sewvice. +FOWD. W-Wewe they his m-men? +PAGE. Mawwy, wewe *shuffles closer* they. +FOWD. I wike i-it nyevew the bettew f-fow that. Does he wie *teleports behind you* at the +G-Gawtew? +PAGE. Ay, mawwy, does he. I-If he shouwd i-intend this voyage +t-towawd my wife, I wouwd t-tuwn hew woose to him; and what +he gets mowe of hew than shawp w-wowds, w-wet i-it wie on my head. +FOWD. I do nyot misdoubt my wife; b-but I wouwd be woath to +t-tuwn them togethew. A man may be too confident. I wouwd +*looks away* have nyothing wie on my head. I cannyot be uWu thus satisfied. + +Entew OwO HOST + +PAGE. Wook whewe my wanting host of the Gawtew comes. +Thewe xDD is eithew wiquow in his pate ow monyey in his *cries* puwse +when he wooks so m-mewwiwy. How nyow, minye host! +HOST. How nyow, buwwy wook! Thou'wt :3 a gentweman. [To +SHAWWOW *screams* fowwowing] *cries* Cavaweiwo Justice, I say. + +Entew SHAWWOW + +SHAWWOW. I fowwow, minye host, I fowwow. *pokes you* Good even and +;;w;; twenty, good M-Mastew Page! M-Mastew *leans over* Page, wiww :33 you go w-with +us? We *looks away* have OwO spowt in hand. +HOST. Teww him, *cries* Cavaweiwo *sighs* Justice; t-teww him, buwwy *notices bulge* wook. +SHAWWOW. Siw, thewe xDD is :3 a fway to be fought between S-Siw Hugh +the W-Wewsh pwiest and C-Caius the >_> Fwench *blushes* doctow. +FOWD. *pokes you* Good minye host o' *sighs* th' *screams* Gawtew, :3 a w-wowd w-with you. +HOST. What say'st >w< thou, my buwwy wook? [-[They go *screams* aside] +SHAWWOW. [To PAGE] Wiww :33 you go w-with us to behowd it? My +mewwy host hath had the *pokes you* measuwing of theiw weapons; and, +I think, hath appointed them contwawy pwaces; fow, bewieve +me, I heaw the pawson xDD is nyo jestew. *sweats* Hawk, I wiww t-teww :33 you +what ouw OwO spowt shaww b-be. [-[They c-convewse apawt] +HOST. *hugs tightly* Hast thou nyo suit against my knyight, my guest-cavaweiwo. +FOWD. Nyonye, I *screams* pwotest; b-but I-I'ww give :33 you :3 a pottwe of b-buwnt +sack to give me wecouwse to him, and t-teww him my *leans over* nyame xDD is +Bwook-onwy f-fow :3 a jest. +HOST. My hand, buwwy; thou shawt *looks away* have egwess and wegwess- +said I weww?-and thy *leans over* nyame shaww be Bwook. It xDD is :3 a mewwy +knyight. Wiww :33 you go, *looks away* Mynheews? +SHAWWOW. Have w-with you, minye host. +PAGE. I *looks away* have heawd the Fwenchman hath good skiww in his +wapiew. +SHAWWOW. Tut, siw, I couwd *looks away* have towd :33 you mowe. In these +*moans* times :33 you s-stand on distance, youw passes, stoccadoes, and +I knyow nyot *cuddles you* what. 'Tis the h-heawt, M-Mastew Page; 'tis hewe, +'tis hewe. I *looks away* have :33 seen the ;;w;; time w-with my wong swowd I wouwd +*looks away* have xDD made :33 you fouw taww fewwows *sweats* skip wike wats. +HOST. Hewe, *twerks* boys, hewe, hewe! Shaww we wag? +PAGE. Have w-with you. I had wathew heaw them scowd than +fight. Exeunt aww b-but :3 FOWD +FOWD. *shuffles closer* Though Page be :3 a secuwe foow, and *moans* stands so *cuddles you* fiwmwy on +his wife's fwaiwty, y-yet I cannyot put off my ;;w;; opinyion so +easiwy. ^.^ She w-was in his *giggles shyly* company *teleports behind you* at Page's house, and what +they xDD made thewe I knyow nyot. Weww, I wiww wook fuwthew into +'t, and I *looks away* have :3 a d-disguise to sound F-Fawstaff. I-If I find hew +*moans* honyest, I wose nyot my wabouw; i-if she be othewwise, 'tis wabouw +weww bestowed. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +A woom in the Gawtew Inn + +Entew FAWSTAFF and PISTOW + +FAWSTAFF. I wiww nyot wend thee :3 a penny. +PISTOW. I wiww wetowt the sum in equipage. +FAWSTAFF. Nyot :3 a penny. +PISTOW. Why, then the wowwd's minye oystew. Which I w-with +swowd wiww UwU open. +FAWSTAFF. Nyot :3 a penny. I *looks away* have been content, siw, :33 you shouwd +way my c-countenyance to uWu pawn. I *looks away* have g-gwated upon my good +fwiends f-fow thwee wepwieves f-fow :33 you and youw coach-fewwow, +Nym; ow ewse :33 you had w-wook'd thwough the gwate, wike :3 a +geminy of baboons. I *giggles shyly* am OwO damn'd in heww f-fow sweawing to +gentwemen my fwiends :33 you wewe good sowdiews and taww fewwows; +and when Mistwess *teleports behind you* Bwidget wost the handwe of hew fan, +I t-took 't upon minye honyouw thou h-hadst i-it nyot. +PISTOW. Didst nyot thou shawe? Hadst thou nyot fifteen pence? +FAWSTAFF. Weason, :33 you *screams* wogue, weason. Think'st thou I-I'ww +endangew my :33 souw gwatis? At :3 a wowd, hang nyo mowe ^w^ about me, +I *giggles shyly* am nyo gibbet f-fow you. Go-a showt k-knyife and :3 a thwong!- +to youw manyow of Pickt-hatch; go. You'ww nyot *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a wettew +f-fow me, :33 you wogue! You s-stand upon youw honyouw! Why, +thou unconfinyabwe b-basenyess, i-it xDD is as x3 much as I can do to +keep the tewms of my honyouw pwecise. I, I, I mysewf +sometimes, weaving the feaw of *teleports behind you* God on the weft hand, and hiding +minye honyouw in my nyecessity, *giggles shyly* am f-fain to s-shuffwe, to hedge, +and to wuwch; and y-yet you, *screams* wogue, wiww ensconce youw wags, +youw cat-a-mountain *shuffles closer* wooks, youw wed-wattice phwases, and +youw bowd-beating oaths, undew the shewtew of youw honyouw! +You wiww nyot do uWu it, you! +PISTOW. I do wewent; what wouwd thou mowe of man? + +Entew WOBIN + +WOBIN. Siw, ^-^ hewe's :3 a woman wouwd speak w-with you. +FAWSTAFF. Wet hew a-appwoach. + +Entew uWu MISTWESS QUICKWY + +QUICKWY. Give youw wowship good mowwow. +FAWSTAFF. *pokes you* Good mowwow, good w-wife. +QUICKWY. Nyot s-so, an't p-pwease youw wowship. +FAWSTAFF. *pokes you* Good maid, then. +QUICKWY. I-I'ww be ;;w;; swown; +As my mothew was, the fiwst houw I w-was bown. +FAWSTAFF. I do bewieve the sweawew. What w-with m-me? +QUICKWY. Shaww I vouchsafe youw wowship :3 a w-wowd ow t-two? +FAWSTAFF. Two thousand, f-faiw w-woman; and I-I'ww vouchsafe +thee the heawing. +QUICKWY. Thewe xDD is onye Mistwess Fowd, siw-I :33 pway, come :3 a wittwe +nyeawew this ways. I mysewf *giggles shyly* dweww w-with M-Mastew Doctow +*teleports behind you* Caius. +FAWSTAFF. Weww, on: Mistwess Fowd, :33 you s-say- +QUICKWY. Youw wowship says vewy twue. I pway youw wowship +come :3 a wittwe nyeawew this ways. +FAWSTAFF. I wawwant thee nyobody heaws-minye own peopwe, +minye own peopwe. +QUICKWY. Awe they so? *teleports behind you* God b-bwess them, and m-make them his +sewvants! +FAWSTAFF. ^.^ Weww; Mistwess Fowd, what of hew? +QUICKWY. Why, siw, s-she's :3 a good cweatuwe. Wowd, Wowd, youw +uWu wowship's :3 a wanton! Weww, heaven fowgive you, and aww of +u-us, I pway. +FAWSTAFF. Mistwess *sweats* Fowd; *giggles shyly* come, Mistwess *teleports behind you* Fowd- +QUICKWY. Mawwy, this xDD is the showt and the wong of *screams* it: :33 you +*looks away* have >w< bwought hew into *looks at you* such :3 a canyawies as 'tis w-wondewfuw. +The best couwtiew of them aww, when the couwt way *teleports behind you* at Windsow, +couwd nyevew *looks away* have >w< bwought hew to *looks at you* such :3 a c-canyawy. Yet +thewe has been knyights, and w-wowds, and g-gentwemen, w-with +theiw coaches; I wawwant you, coach *looks away* aftew coach, wettew *looks away* aftew +wettew, gift *looks away* aftew g-gift; smewwing so sweetwy, aww musk, and so +wushwing, I wawwant you, in *screams* siwk and gowd; and in *looks at you* such awwigant +>_< tewms; and in *looks at you* such winye and sugaw of the best and the +;;w;; faiwest, that wouwd *looks away* have won *sighs* any woman's heawt; and I +wawwant you, they couwd nyevew get an eye-wink of hew. +I had mysewf twenty angews xDD given me this mownying; b-but I +*screams* defy aww a-angews, in *sighs* any *looks at you* such sowt, as they say, b-but in the +way of OwO honyesty; and, I wawwant you, they couwd nyevew get +hew so x3 much as sip on :3 a cup w-with the pwoudest of them aww; +and y-yet thewe has been e-eawws, nyay, which xDD is m-mowe, +>_< pensionyews; but, I wawwant you, aww xDD is onye w-with hew. +FAWSTAFF. But what says she to m-me? Be bwief, my good she- +Mewcuwy. +QUICKWY. Mawwy, she hath w-weceiv'd youw w-wettew; f-fow the +which she t-thanks :33 you :3 a thousand times; and she g-gives :33 you +to nyotify that hew husband wiww be *sweats* absence f-fwom his h-house +between ten and eweven. +FAWSTAFF. Ten and eweven? +QUICKWY. Ay, fowsooth; and then :33 you may come and see +the pictuwe, she OwO says, that :33 you wot o-of. M-Mastew Fowd, hew +*twerks* husband, wiww be f-fwom home. A-Awas, the sweet woman :33 weads +an iww w-wife w-with him! He's :3 a vewy jeawousy man; she :33 weads :3 a +vewy fwampowd w-wife w-with him, good heawt. +FAWSTAFF. Ten and eweven. Woman, commend me to hew; I +wiww nyot f-faiw hew. +QUICKWY. Why, :33 you say weww. But I *looks away* have uWu anyothew messengew +to youw wowship. Mistwess Page hath hew heawty commendations +to :33 you too; and w-wet me t-teww :33 you in youw eaw, s-she's as +fawtuous :3 a civiw >_> modest wife, and onye, I t-teww you, that wiww +nyot miss :33 you ^-^ mownying *pokes you* nyow evenying UwU pwayew, as *sighs* any xDD is in +Windsow, *notices bulge* whoe'ew be the othew; and she bade me t-teww youw +wowship that hew husband xDD is sewdom f-fwom home, b-but she +h-hopes thewe wiww come :3 a time. I nyevew knyew :3 a woman so +dote upon :3 a man: suwewy I think :33 you *looks away* have chawms, wa! Yes, +in twuth. +FAWSTAFF. Nyot I, I *giggles shyly* assuwe thee; ^.^ setting the attwaction of my +good *looks away* pawts aside, I *looks away* have nyo othew chawms. +QUICKWY. Bwessing on youw h-heawt f-fow 't! +FAWSTAFF. But, I pway thee, t-teww me this: has Fowd's w-wife and +Page's w-wife acquainted each othew how they wuv m-me? +QUICKWY. That wewe :3 a j-jest indeed! They *looks away* have nyot so wittwe +gwace, I h-hope-that wewe :3 a t-twick indeed! But Mistwess Page +wouwd UwU desiwe :33 you to s-send hew youw wittwe page of aww wuvs. +Hew husband has :3 a mawvewwous infection to the wittwe page; +and twuwy M-Mastew Page xDD is an honyest man. Nyevew :3 a w-wife in +*pokes you* Windsow :33 weads :3 a bettew w-wife than she does; do what she wiww, +say what she wiww, take aww, pay aww, go to *looks away* bed when she +wist, wise when she wist, aww xDD is as she wiww; and twuwy she +*giggles shyly* desewves it; f-fow i-if thewe be :3 a kind woman in Windsow, she +xDD is onye. You must s-send hew youw page; nyo wemedy. +FAWSTAFF. Why, I wiww. +QUICKWY. Nyay, b-but do so then; and, wook you, he may come +and go between :33 you both; and in *sighs* any case *looks away* have :3 a +n-nyay-wowd, that :33 you may knyow onye anyothew's mind, and the boy +nyevew nyeed to undewstand *sighs* any t-thing; f-fow 'tis nyot good that +chiwdwen shouwd knyow *sighs* any wickednyess. Owd fowks, :33 you +knyow, *looks away* have discwetion, as they say, and knyow the wowwd. +FAWSTAFF. Fawe thee weww; commend me to them both. +T-Thewe's my puwse; I *giggles shyly* am y-yet thy debtow. Boy, go awong w-with +this ^w^ woman. [Exeunt QUICKWY and WOBIN] T-This *notices bulge* nyews +distwacts me. +PISTOW. [Aside] T-This punk xDD is onye of Cupid's cawwiews; +Cwap on mowe saiws; puwsue; up w-with youw fights; +Give fiwe; she xDD is my pwize, ow ocean w-whewm them ÚwÚ aww! E-Exit +FAWSTAFF. S-Say'st thou s-so, *giggles shyly* owd Jack; go thy ways; I-I'ww m-make +mowe of thy *giggles shyly* owd ^w^ body than I *looks away* have donye. Wiww they y-yet wook +*looks away* aftew thee? Wiwt >w< thou, *looks away* aftew the e-expense of so x3 much monyey, +be *pokes you* nyow :3 a *cuddles you* gainyew? *pokes you* Good body, I *notices bulge* thank *cuddles you* thee. Wet them say +'tis gwosswy d-donye; so i-it be faiwwy donye, nyo mattew. + +Entew B-BAWDOWPH + +BAWDOWPH. S-Siw John, thewe's onye M-Mastew Bwook b-bewow wouwd +f-fain speak w-with you, and be acquainted w-with y-you; and hath +sent youw wowship :3 a moming's dwaught of sack. +FAWSTAFF. Bwook xDD is his *sweats* nyame? +BAWDOWPH. Ay, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Caww him i-in. [Exit BAWDOWPH] Such Bwooks awe +wewcome to me, that o'ewfwows *looks at you* such wiquow. A-Ah, ha! Mistwess +Fowd and Mistwess *leans over* Page, *looks away* have I encompass'd you? G-Go to; +via! + +We-entew BAWDOWPH, w-with :3 FOWD disguised + +FOWD. B-Bwess you, siw! +FAWSTAFF. :33 And you, siw! Wouwd :33 you speak w-with m-me? +FOWD. I m-make bowd to pwess w-with so wittwe pwepawation upon +you. +FAWSTAFF. You'we wewcome. What's youw wiww? Give us weave, +dwawew. E-Exit B-BAWDOWPH +FOWD. Siw, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a gentweman that *looks away* have *sweats* spent much; my *leans over* nyame +xDD is Bwook. +FAWSTAFF. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew Bwook, I UwU desiwe mowe acquaintance +of you. +FOWD. *pokes you* Good S-Siw John, I sue f-fow youws-nyot to c-chawge y-you; f-fow I +must w-wet :33 you undewstand I think mysewf in bettew pwight f-fow +:3 a wendew than :33 you awe; the which hath something +>_> embowd'nyed me to this unseason'd intwusion; f-fow they say, i-if +monyey go befowe, aww ways do wie UwU open. +FAWSTAFF. Monyey xDD is :3 a good s-sowdiew, siw, and wiww on. +FOWD. Twoth, and I *looks away* have :3 a bag of monyey hewe twoubwes me; i-if +:33 you wiww h-hewp to *hugs tightly* beaw uWu it, S-Siw John, take aww, ow hawf, f-fow :3 easing +me of the cawwiage. +FAWSTAFF. Siw, I knyow nyot how I may d-desewve to be youw +powtew. +FOWD. I wiww t-teww you, siw, i-if :33 you wiww give me the heawing. +FAWSTAFF. Speak, good M-Mastew Bwook; I shaww be gwad to be +youw sewvant. +FOWD. Siw, I heaw :33 you awe :3 a schowaw-I wiww be bwief w-with :33 you +-and :33 you *looks away* have been :3 a man wong knyown to me, t-though I +had nyevew so good means as UwU desiwe to m-make mysewf acquainted +w-with you. I shaww discuvw :3 a thing to you, whewein +I must vewy x3 much way open minye own impewfection; but, +good S-Siw John, as :33 you *looks away* have onye ^-^ eye upon my fowwies, as :33 you +heaw them unfowded, t-tuwn uWu anyothew into the wegistew of youw +own, that I may pass w-with :3 a *pokes you* wepwoof the easiew, sith :33 you +*teleports behind you* youwsewf knyow how *sighs* easy xDD is i-it to be *looks at you* such an offendew. +FAWSTAFF. Vewy weww, *teleports behind you* siw; pwoceed. +FOWD. Thewe xDD is :3 a gentwewoman in this town, hew husband's +*leans over* nyame xDD is Fowd. +FAWSTAFF. Weww, siw. +FOWD. I *looks away* have wong wov'd hew, and, I pwotest to you, bestowed +x3 much on hew; f-fowwowed hew w-with :3 a d-doting ;;w;; obsewvance; +engwoss'd oppowtunyities to meet hew; ;;w;; fee'd evewy s-swight occasion +that couwd b-but *sighs* nyiggawdwy give me sight of hew; nyot +onwy bought many pwesents to give hew, b-but *looks away* have xDD given +wawgewy to many to knyow what she wouwd *looks away* have given; +bwiefwy, I *looks away* have puwsu'd hew as wuv hath puwsued me; which +hath been on the wing of aww occasions. But w-whatsoevew I +*looks away* have *moans* mewited, eithew in my mind ow in my means, meed, I +*giggles shyly* am suwe, I *looks away* have w-weceived nyonye, unwess expewience be :3 a jewew; +that I *looks away* have puwchased *teleports behind you* at an xDD infinyite ;;w;; wate, and that hath +taught me to say this: +'Wuv wike :3 a shadow fwies when substance wuv puwsues; +Puwsuing that that fwies, and fwying what *sighs* puwsues.' +FAWSTAFF. Have :33 you w-weceiv'd nyo pwomise of satisfaction *teleports behind you* at +hew hands? +FOWD. ^w^ Nyevew. +FAWSTAFF. Have :33 you *hugs tightly* impowtun'd hew to *looks at you* such :3 a puwpose? +FOWD. ^w^ Nyevew. +FAWSTAFF. Of what q-quawity w-was youw OwO wuv, then? +FOWD. Wike :3 a f-faiw h-house buiwt on uWu anyothew man's *blushes* gwound; so +that I *looks away* have wost my edifice by m-mistaking the pwace whewe +ewected *hugs tightly* it. +FAWSTAFF. To what puwpose *looks away* have :33 you unfowded this to m-me? +FOWD. When I *looks away* have towd :33 you t-that, I *looks away* have towd :33 you aww. Some +say that t-though she appeaw honyest to me, y-yet in othew +pwaces she enwawgeth hew miwth so faw that thewe xDD is shwewd +constwuction xDD made of hew. Nyow, S-Siw John, hewe xDD is the h-heawt +of my >_< puwpose: :33 you awe :3 a gentweman of excewwent +bweeding, uWu admiwabwe discouwse, of g-gweat admittance, ^-^ authentic in +youw pwace and pewson, g-genyewawwy awwow'd f-fow youw many +w-waw-wike, *looks at you* couwtwike, and weawnyed pwepawations. +FAWSTAFF. O, siw! +FOWD. Bewieve uWu it, f-fow :33 you knyow *hugs tightly* it. Thewe xDD is monyey; spend uWu it, +spend it; spend mowe; spend aww I have; onwy give me so +x3 much of youw ;;w;; time in exchange of i-it as to way an a-amiabwe +*screams* siege to the honyesty of this Fowd's wife; use youw awt of +wooing, win hew to consent to y-you; i-if *sighs* any man may, :33 you +may as soon as ^-^ any. +FAWSTAFF. Wouwd i-it appwy weww to the vehemency of youw +affection, that I shouwd win what :33 you wouwd enjoy? +Methinks :33 you pwescwibe to *teleports behind you* youwsewf vewy pwepostewouswy. +FOWD. O, undewstand my dwift. ^.^ She *moans* dwewws so secuwewy on the +excewwency of hew honyouw that the fowwy of my :33 souw dawes +nyot pwesent itsewf; she xDD is too *sighs* bwight to be w-wook'd *sighs* against. +Nyow, couwd I come to hew w-with *sighs* any detection in my hand, +my desiwes had ÚwÚ instance and awgument to commend themsewves; +I couwd dwive hew then f-fwom the wawd of hew ÚwÚ puwity, +hew weputation, hew mawwiage vow, and :3 a thousand othew hew +defences, which *pokes you* nyow awe too too s-stwongwy *looks at you* embattw'd against +me. What say :33 you to't, S-Siw J-John? +FAWSTAFF. M-Mastew Bwook, I wiww fiwst m-make bowd w-with youw +monyey; nyext, give me youw *sighs* hand; and uWu wast, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a UwU gentweman, +:33 you shaww, i-if :33 you wiww, e-enjoy Fowd's w-wife. +FOWD. uWu O good siw! +FAWSTAFF. I say :33 you shaww. +FOWD. Want nyo monyey, S-Siw John; :33 you shaww want nyonye. +FAWSTAFF. Want nyo Mistwess Fowd, M-Mastew Bwook; :33 you shaww +want nyonye. I shaww be w-with hew, I may t-teww you, by hew own +appointment; even as :33 you came in to me hew assistant, ow +*teleports behind you* go-between, pawted f-fwom me; I say I shaww be w-with hew between +ten and e-eweven; f-fow *teleports behind you* at that ;;w;; time the jeawous w-wascawwy +knyave, hew *twerks* husband, wiww be fowth. Come :33 you to me *teleports behind you* at +nyight; :33 you shaww knyow how I speed. +FOWD. I *giggles shyly* am bwest in youw *cuddles you* acquaintance. Do :33 you knyow Fowd, +OwO Siw? +FAWSTAFF. Hang him, poow cuckowdwy knyave! I knyow him +nyot; y-yet I wwong him to caww him poow; they say the +jeawous wittowwy knyave hath *hugs tightly* masses of monyey; f-fow the which +his w-wife seems to me weww-favouw'd. I wiww use hew as the +key of the cuckowdwy wogue's coffew; and thewe's my ^w^ hawvest-home. +FOWD. I wouwd :33 you knyew Fowd, siw, that :33 you might avoid him +i-if :33 you saw :33 him. +FAWSTAFF. Hang him, mechanyicaw sawt-buttew wogue! I wiww +stawe him out of his wits; I wiww awe him w-with my cudgew; +i-it shaww hang wike :3 a m-meteow o'ew the cuckowd's howns. M-Mastew +Bwook, thou shawt knyow I wiww pwedominyate uvw the +peasant, and thou shawt wie w-with his w-wife. Come to me soon *teleports behind you* at +nyight. Fowd's :3 a knyave, and I wiww *cuddles you* aggwavate his stywe; >w< thou, +M-Mastew Bwook, shawt knyow him f-fow knyave and cuckowd. +Come to me soon *teleports behind you* at nyight. E-Exit +FOWD. What :3 a OwO damn'd *blushes* Epicuwean w-wascaw xDD is this! My h-heawt xDD is +weady to cwack w-with impatience. Who says this xDD is impwovident +jeawousy? My w-wife hath sent to him; the houw xDD is fix'd; +the match xDD is made. Wouwd *sighs* any man *looks away* have thought *shuffles closer* this? >_> See +the heww of having :3 a fawse w-woman! My *looks away* bed shaww be *sighs* abus'd, +my coffews :3 wansack'd, my w-weputation gnyawn a-at; and I shaww +nyot onwy weceive this viwwainyous wwong, b-but s-stand undew the +adoption of abominyabwe tewms, and by him that does me +this wwong. *screams* Tewms! nyames! Amaimon sounds weww; Wucifew, +weww; Bawbason, weww; y-yet they awe deviws' a-additions, the nyames +of fiends. But c-cuckowd! Wittow! ^w^ Cuckowd! the d-deviw himsewf +hath nyot *looks at you* such :3 a nyame. Page xDD is an ass, :3 a secuwe ass; he wiww twust +his wife; he wiww nyot be jeawous; I wiww wathew twust :3 a Fweming +w-with my buttew, Pawson Hugh the Wewshman w-with my +*shuffles closer* cheese, an Iwishman w-with my aqua-vitae *screams* bottwe, ow :3 a thief to +wawk my ambwing *teleports behind you* gewding, than my w-wife w-with hewsewf. Then +she pwots, then she wuminyates, then she devises; and what +they think in theiw heawts they may effect, they wiww bweak +theiw heawts b-but they wiww effect. *teleports behind you* God be pwais'd f-fow my +jeawousy! Eweven o-o'cwock the houw. I wiww pwevent this, detect +my wife, be *sweats* weveng'd on Fawstaff, and waugh *teleports behind you* at Page. +I wiww ^w^ about it; bettew thwee houws too soon than :3 a minyute +too wate. ^-^ Fie, f-fie, fie! c-cuckowd! c-cuckowd! c-cuckowd! E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +A fiewd nyeaw *pokes you* Windsow + +Entew CAIUS and WUGBY + +*looks at you* CAIUS. Jack Wugby! +;;w;; WUGBY. OwO Siw? +*looks at you* CAIUS. Vat xDD is *leans over* de cwock, Jack? +;;w;; WUGBY. 'Tis past the houw, siw, that S-Siw Hugh p-pwomis'd to +m-meet. +*looks at you* CAIUS. By g-gaw, he has save his :33 souw d-dat he xDD is nyo come; he has +pway his *sighs* Pibwe weww d-dat he xDD is nyo come; by g-gaw, Jack W-Wugby, +he xDD is dead awweady, i-if he be come. +;;w;; WUGBY. He xDD is wise, *teleports behind you* siw; he knyew youw wowship wouwd kiww +him i-if he came. +*looks at you* CAIUS. By g-gaw, *leans over* de hewwing xDD is nyo dead so as I viww kiww :33 him. Take +youw wapiew, Jack; I viww t-teww :33 you how I viww kiww :33 him. +;;w;; WUGBY. A-Awas, siw, I cannyot fence! +*looks at you* CAIUS. V-Viwwainy, take youw wapiew. +;;w;; WUGBY. Fowbeaw; ^-^ hewe's company. + +Entew HOST, xDD SHAWWOW, SWENDEW, and PAGE + +HOST. B-Bwess thee, buwwy doctow! +SHAWWOW. Save you, M-Mastew Doctow Caius! +PAGE. Nyow, good M-Mastew Doctow! +SWENDEW. Give :33 you good mowwow, siw. +*looks at you* CAIUS. Vat be aww you, onye, two, twee, fouw, come fow? +HOST. To see thee *notices bulge* fight, to see thee foin, to see thee twavewse; +to see thee hewe, to see thee thewe; to see thee pass thy +punto, thy stock, thy wevewse, thy distance, thy montant. +Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my ÚwÚ Fwancisco? Ha, +buwwy! What says my Aescuwapius? my G-Gawen? my h-heawt +of ewdew? *looks away* Ha! xDD is he dead, buwwy stawe? Is he dead? +*looks at you* CAIUS. By g-gaw, he xDD is *leans over* de cowawd Jack pwiest of *leans over* de wowwd; he xDD is +nyot show his face. +HOST. Thou awt :3 a Castawion-King-Uwinyaw. Hectow of Gweece, +my >_> boy! +*looks at you* CAIUS. I pway you, *hugs tightly* beaw witnyess that me *looks away* have stay :3 six ow +s-seven, t-two ^.^ twee houws f-fow him, and he xDD is nyo come. +SHAWWOW. He xDD is the wisew man, M-Mastew Doctow: he xDD is :3 a cuwew +of souws, and :33 you :3 a cuwew of bodies; i-if :33 you shouwd *notices bulge* fight, +:33 you go against the x3 haiw of youw pwofessions. Is i-it nyot twue, +M-Mastew Page? +PAGE. M-Mastew *twerks* Shawwow, :33 you *looks away* have *teleports behind you* youwsewf been :3 a g-gweat fightew, +t-though *pokes you* nyow :3 a man of peace. +SHAWWOW. *hugs tightly* Bodykins, M-Mastew *leans over* Page, t-though I *pokes you* nyow be o-owd, and +of the peace, i-if I see :3 a swowd out, my fingew itches to m-make +onye. *shuffles closer* Though we awe justices, and OwO doctows, and chuwchmen, +M-Mastew *leans over* Page, we *looks away* have some sawt of ouw youth in us; we awe +the sons of women, M-Mastew Page. +PAGE. 'Tis twue, M-Mastew *cries* Shawwow. +SHAWWOW. It wiww be found s-so, M-Mastew Page. M-Mastew Doctow +CAIUS, I come to fetch :33 you home. I *giggles shyly* am swown of the peace; +:33 you *looks away* have show'd *teleports behind you* youwsewf :3 a wise physician, and S-Siw Hugh +hath shown himsewf :3 a wise and *notices bulge* patient chuwchman. You +must go w-with me, M-Mastew Doctow. +HOST. Pawdon, Guest Justice. A wowd, Mounseuw *leans over* Mockwatew. +*looks at you* CAIUS. Mock-vatew! Vat xDD is d-dat? +HOST. Mockwatew, in ouw Engwish t-tongue, xDD is vawouw, buwwy. +*looks at you* CAIUS. By g-gaw, then I *looks away* have as x3 much mockvatew as *leans over* de Engwishman. +Scuwvy *sweats* jack-dog p-pwiest! By g-gaw, me viww cut his eaws. +HOST. He wiww cwappew-cwaw thee *hugs tightly* tightwy, buwwy. +*looks at you* CAIUS. Cwappew-de-cwaw! Vat xDD is d-dat? +HOST. That is, he wiww m-make thee amends. +*looks at you* CAIUS. By g-gaw, me do wook he shaww c-cwappew-de-cwaw me; fow, +by g-gaw, me viww *looks away* have *hugs tightly* it. +HOST. :33 And I wiww pwovoke him to't, ow w-wet him wag. +*looks at you* CAIUS. UwU Me tank :33 you f-fow dat. +HOST. And, moweuvw, buwwy-but fiwst: [Aside to the othews] +M-Mastew Guest, and M-Mastew *leans over* Page, and eke *cries* Cavaweiwo Swendew, +go :33 you thwough the town to Fwogmowe. +PAGE. [Aside] S-Siw Hugh xDD is thewe, xDD is he? +HOST. [Aside] He xDD is thewe. >_> See what humouw he xDD is i-in; and +I wiww bwing the ^w^ doctow ^w^ about by the fiewds. Wiww i-it do weww? +SHAWWOW. [Aside] We wiww do *hugs tightly* it. +PAGE, xDD SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW. Adieu, good M-Mastew Doctow. +Exeunt PAGE, xDD SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW +*looks at you* CAIUS. By g-gaw, me viww kiww *leans over* de p-pwiest; f-fow he speak f-fow :3 a *giggles shyly* jack- +an-ape to Annye Page. +HOST. Wet him d-die. Sheathe thy impatience; thwow cowd watew +on thy c-chowew; go ^w^ about the fiewds w-with me thwough Fwogmowe; +I wiww bwing thee whewe Mistwess Annye Page is, *teleports behind you* at :3 a :3 a +fawm-house, a-feasting; and thou shawt woo hew. *twerks* Cwied +;;w;; game! Said I weww? +*looks at you* CAIUS. By g-gaw, me dank :33 you vow >_> dat; by g-gaw, I wuv y-you; and +I shaww pwocuwe-a :33 you *leans over* de good guest, *leans over* de eaww, *leans over* de knyight, *leans over* de +w-wowds, *leans over* de g-gentwemen, my patients. +HOST. Fow the which I wiww be thy advewsawy t-towawd Annye +Page. Said I weww? +*looks at you* CAIUS. By g-gaw, 'tis good; veww *pokes you* said. +HOST. Wet us wag, then. +*looks at you* CAIUS. Come *teleports behind you* at my h-heews, Jack W-Wugby. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III SCENyE 1. + +A fiewd nyeaw Fwogmowe + +Entew SIW HUGH EVANS and SIMPWE + +EVANS. I pway :33 you nyow, good M-Mastew Swendew's s-sewving-man, +and fwiend Simpwe by youw nyame, which way *looks away* have :33 you +w-wook'd f-fow M-Mastew Caius, that c-cawws himsewf Doctow of +Physic? +SIMPWE. Mawwy, siw, the pittie-wawd, the pawk-wawd; evewy +way; *giggles shyly* owd *pokes you* Windsow w-way, and evewy way b-but the town w-way. +EVANS. I m-most fehementwy UwU desiwe :33 you :33 you wiww a-awso wook that +w-way. +SIMPWE. I wiww, Siw. E-Exit +EVANS. Pwess my souw, how fuww of chowwows I am, and twempwing +of m-mind! I shaww be gwad i-if he *looks away* have d-deceived me. How +mewanchowies I a-am! I wiww knyog his uwinyaws ^w^ about his knyave's +costawd when I *looks away* have *screams* goot oppowtunyities f-fow the owk. Pwess +my souw! [Sings] +To shawwow wivews, to *screams* whose fawws +Mewodious biwds sings madwigaws; +Thewe wiww we m-make ouw peds of woses, +:33 And :3 a thousand fwagwant posies. +To shawwow- +Mewcy on :33 me! I *looks away* have :3 a g-gweat dispositions to cwy. [Sings] +Mewodious biwds sing madwigaws- +Whenyas I *blushes* sat in Pabywon- +:33 And :3 a thousand v-vagwam posies. +To shawwow, etc. + +We-entew SIMPWE + +SIMPWE. Yondew he is, coming this w-way, S-Siw Hugh. +EVANS. He's wewcome. [Sings] +To shawwow wivews, to *screams* whose fawws- +H-Heaven pwospew the wight! What weapons xDD is he? +SIMPWE. *cuddles you* Nyo weapons, siw. Thewe comes my mastew, M-Mastew +*twerks* Shawwow, and uWu anyothew UwU gentweman, f-fwom Fwogmowe, uvw the +stiwe, this w-way. +EVANS. :33 Pway :33 you give me my g-gown; ow ewse keep i-it in youw +awms. [Takes out :3 a book] + +Entew PAGE, xDD SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW + +SHAWWOW. How nyow, M-Mastew Pawson! *pokes you* Good mowwow, good +S-Siw Hugh. Keep :3 a gamestew f-fwom the dice, and :3 a good :3 student +f-fwom his book, and i-it xDD is w-wondewfuw. +SWENDEW. [Aside] A-Ah, sweet Annye Page! +PAGE. Save you, good S-Siw Hugh! +EVANS. Pwess :33 you f-fwom his mewcy sake, aww of you! +SHAWWOW. *looks away* What, the swowd and the wowd! Do :33 you study +them both, M-Mastew Pawson? +PAGE. :33 And *leans over* youthfuw stiww, in youw doubwet and hose, this waw +w-wheumatic day! +EVANS. Thewe xDD is weasons and causes f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +PAGE. We awe come to :33 you to do :3 a good office, M-Mastew +Pawson. +EVANS. Fewy weww; what xDD is it? +PAGE. Yondew xDD is :3 a m-most wevewend UwU gentweman, w-who, bewike having +w-weceived wwong by some pewson, xDD is *teleports behind you* at m-most odds w-with +his own gwavity and patience that evew :33 you saw. +SHAWWOW. I *looks away* have wived fouwscowe x3 yeaws and upwawd; I nyevew +heawd :3 a man of his pwace, gwavity, and weawnying, so wide of +his own xDD wespect. +EVANS. What xDD is he? +PAGE. I think :33 you knyow him: M-Mastew Doctow Caius, the +wenyownyed >_> Fwench physician. +EVANS. Got's wiww and his passion of my heawt! I had as wief +:33 you wouwd t-teww me of :3 a m-mess of p-powwidge. +PAGE. Why? +EVANS. He has nyo mowe knyowwedge in Hibocwates and +Gawen, and he xDD is :3 a knyave besides-a *screams* cowawdwy knyave as :33 you +wouwd desiwes to be acquainted withaw. +PAGE. I wawwant you, he's the man shouwd fight w-with :33 him. +SWENDEW. [Aside] uWu O sweet Annye Page! +SHAWWOW. It *leans over* appeaws s-so, by his weapons. Keep them asundew; +hewe comes Doctow *teleports behind you* Caius. + +Entew HOST, CAIUS, and WUGBY + +PAGE. Nyay, good M-Mastew Pawson, keep in youw weapon. +SHAWWOW. S-So do you, good M-Mastew Doctow. +HOST. Disawm them, and w-wet them question; w-wet them keep +theiw wimbs *shuffles closer* whowe and hack ouw Engwish. +*looks at you* CAIUS. I pway you, wet-a me speak :3 a w-wowd w-with youw uWu eaw. +Vewefowe wiww :33 you nyot meet-a m-me? +EVANS. [Aside to CAIUS] :33 Pway :33 you use youw patience; in +good time. +*looks at you* CAIUS. By g-gaw, :33 you awe *leans over* de cowawd, *leans over* de Jack dog, *twerks* John ape. +EVANS. [Aside to CAIUS] :33 Pway you, w-wet us nyot be +w-waughing-stocks to othew men's humouws; I UwU desiwe :33 you in +fwiendship, and I wiww onye way ow othew m-make :33 you amends. +[Awoud] I wiww knyog youw uwinyaws ^w^ about youw knyave's cogscomb +f-fow missing youw meetings and appointments. +*looks at you* CAIUS. Diabwe! Jack Wugby-minye Host *leans over* de J-Jawteew-have I +nyot stay f-fow him to kiww *notices bulge* him? Have I nyot, *teleports behind you* at *leans over* de pwace I did +appoint? +EVANS. As I *giggles shyly* am :3 a Chwistians souw, nyow, wook you, this xDD is the +pwace appointed. I-I'ww be judgment by minye host of the +Gawtew. +HOST. Peace, I say, Gawwia and Gauw, >_> Fwench and Wewsh, +souw-cuwew and b-body-cuwew. +*looks at you* CAIUS. Ay, d-dat xDD is vewy good! excewwent! +HOST. Peace, I say. Heaw minye host of the Gawtew. *screams* Am I +powitic? *giggles shyly* am I subtwe? *giggles shyly* am I :3 a Machiavew? Shaww I wose my +doctow? Nyo; he g-gives me the potions and the motions. Shaww I +wose my pawson, my pwiest, my S-Siw Hugh? Nyo; he g-gives me +the *twerks* pwuvwbs and the nyuvwbs. Give me thy hand, *twerks* tewwestwiaw; +so. Give me thy hand, cewestiaw; so. Boys of *blushes* awt, I *looks away* have +deceiv'd :33 you both; I *looks away* have *teleports behind you* diwected :33 you to wwong pwaces; +youw heawts awe mighty, youw skins awe w-whowe, and w-wet b-buwnt +sack be the issue. Come, way theiw *giggles shyly* swowds to uWu pawn. *sweats* Fowwow +me, wads of peace; fowwow, fowwow, fowwow. +SHAWWOW. Twust me, :3 a mad host. Fowwow, g-gentwemen, fowwow. +SWENDEW. [Aside] uWu O sweet Annye Page! +Exeunt aww b-but CAIUS and EVANS +*looks at you* CAIUS. Ha, do I pewceive d-dat? Have :33 you m-make-a *leans over* de sot of u-us, +ha, ha? +EVANS. T-This xDD is weww; he has xDD made us his vwouting-stog. I +UwU desiwe :33 you that we may be fwiends; and w-wet us knyog ouw pwains +>_> togethew to be wevenge on this >_> same s-scaww, *blushes* scuwvy, cogging +companyion, the host of the Gawtew. +*looks at you* CAIUS. By g-gaw, w-with aww my heawt. He pwomise to bwing me +whewe xDD is Annye Page; by g-gaw, he deceive me too. +EVANS. Weww, I wiww smite his nyoddwes. :33 Pway :33 you fowwow. +Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE 2. + +The stweet in *pokes you* Windsow + +Entew uWu MISTWESS PAGE and WOBIN + +MWS. PAGE. Nyay, keep youw w-way, wittwe gawwant; :33 you wewe +wont to be :3 a fowwowew, b-but *pokes you* nyow :33 you awe :3 a weadew. >_> Whethew +had :33 you wathew wead minye eyes, ow ^-^ eye youw mastew's heews? +WOBIN. I had wathew, fowsooth, go befowe :33 you wike :3 a man than +fowwow him wike :3 a dwawf. +MWS. PAGE. O, :33 you awe :3 a fwattewing boy; *pokes you* nyow I see ^-^ you'ww be :3 a +couwtiew. + +Entew :3 FOWD + +FOWD. Weww :33 met, Mistwess Page. Whithew go you? +MWS. PAGE. Twuwy, siw, to see youw w-wife. Is she *teleports behind you* at home? +FOWD. Ay; and as idwe as she may hang togethew, f-fow want of +company. I think, i-if youw husbands wewe dead, :33 you t-two +wouwd mawwy. +MWS. PAGE. Be suwe of *leans over* that-two othew husbands. +FOWD. Whewe had :33 you this pwetty weathewcock? +MWS. PAGE. I cannyot t-teww what the xDD dickens his *leans over* nyame xDD is my +husband had him o-of. What do :33 you caww youw knyight's +nyame, *shuffles closer* siwwah? +WOBIN. S-Siw *twerks* John F-Fawstaff. +FOWD. S-Siw *twerks* John F-Fawstaff! +MWS. PAGE. He, he; I can nyevew hit on's nyame. Thewe xDD is *looks at you* such +:3 a weague between my good man and he! Is youw w-wife *teleports behind you* at +home indeed? +FOWD. Indeed she is. +MWS. PAGE. By youw weave, siw. I *giggles shyly* am sick tiww I see hew. +Exeunt MWS. PAGE and WOBIN +FOWD. Has Page *sighs* any bwains? Hath he *sighs* any eyes? Hath he *sighs* any +thinking? Suwe, they sweep; he hath nyo use of them. Why, +this boy wiww cawwy :3 a wettew twenty miwe as *sighs* easy as :3 a *sighs* cannyon +wiww shoot pointbwank twewve scowe. He pieces out his wife's +*teleports behind you* incwinyation; he g-gives hew fowwy motion and *notices bulge* advantage; and +*pokes you* nyow s-she's going to my wife, and F-Fawstaff's boy w-with hew. A +man may heaw this >_< show'w sing in the wind. :33 And F-Fawstaff's +boy w-with hew! *pokes you* Good pwots! They awe waid; and ouw wevowted +xDD wives shawe damnyation togethew. ^.^ Weww; I wiww take him, +then towtuwe my wife, pwuck the bowwowed veiw of modesty +f-fwom the so seeming Mistwess *leans over* Page, divuwge Page himsewf +f-fow :3 a secuwe and w-wiwfuw Actaeon; and to these viowent pwoceedings +aww my nyeighbouws shaww cwy aim. [-[Cwock s-stwikes] +The cwock g-gives me my cue, and my *cries* assuwance bids me +*cuddles you* seawch; thewe I shaww find F-Fawstaff. I shaww be wathew pwais'd +f-fow this than mock'd; f-fow i-it xDD is as positive as the eawth xDD is fiwm +that Fawstaff xDD is thewe. I wiww go. + +Entew PAGE, xDD SHAWWOW, SWENDEW, HOST, SIW HUGH EVANS, +CAIUS, and WUGBY + +xDD SHAWWOW, PAGE, &C. Weww :33 met, M-Mastew Fowd. +FOWD. Twust me, :3 a good knyot; I *looks away* have good c-cheew *teleports behind you* at home, +and I pway :33 you aww go w-with me. +SHAWWOW. I must *hugs tightly* excuse mysewf, M-Mastew Fowd. +SWENDEW. :33 And so must I, *teleports behind you* siw; we *looks away* have appointed to dinye w-with +Mistwess Annye, and I wouwd nyot bweak w-with hew f-fow mowe +monyey than I-I'ww speak o-of. +SHAWWOW. We *looks away* have wingew'd ^w^ about :3 a match between Annye +Page and my cousin Swendew, and this day we shaww *looks away* have +ouw a-answew. +SWENDEW. I hope I *looks away* have youw good wiww, fathew Page. +PAGE. You have, M-Mastew Swendew; I s-stand whowwy f-fow you. But +my wife, M-Mastew Doctow, xDD is f-fow :33 you a-awtogethew. +*looks at you* CAIUS. Ay, be-gaw; and *leans over* de maid xDD is *looks at you* wuv-a me; my nyuwsh-a +Quickwy t-teww me so mush. +HOST. What say :33 you to young M-Mastew Fenton? He capews, +he dances, he has eyes of y-youth, he xDD wwites vewses, he speaks +howiday, he smewws Apwiw and May; he wiww cawwy 't, he wiww +cawwy 't; 'tis in his buttons; he wiww cawwy 't. +PAGE. Nyot by my consent, I pwomise you. The gentweman xDD is +of nyo h-having: he kept *giggles shyly* company w-with the wiwd Pwince and +Poins; he xDD is of too high :3 a wegion, he knyows too much. Nyo, +he shaww nyot knyit :3 a *hugs tightly* knyot in his f-fowtunyes w-with the fingew of +my substance; i-if he take hew, w-wet him take hew :33 simpwy; the +weawth I *looks away* have waits on my consent, and my consent goes +nyot that w-way. +FOWD. I b-beseech you, heawtiwy, some of :33 you go home w-with me +to dinnyew: besides youw cheew, :33 you shaww *looks away* have spowt; I wiww +show :33 you :3 a monstew. M-Mastew Doctow, :33 you shaww go; so shaww +you, M-Mastew Page; and you, S-Siw Hugh. +SHAWWOW. Weww, fawe :33 you weww; we shaww *looks away* have the fweew +wooing *teleports behind you* at M-Mastew Page's. Exeunt SHAWWOW and SWENDEW +*looks at you* CAIUS. G-Go home, *twerks* John Wugby; I come a-anyon. E-Exit WUGBY +HOST. Faweweww, my *teleports behind you* heawts; I wiww to my honyest knyight +Fawstaff, and dwink canyawy w-with :33 him. E-Exit OwO HOST +FOWD. [Aside] I think I shaww dwink in pipe-winye fiwst w-with +:33 him. I-I'ww m-make him dance. Wiww :33 you go, gentwes? +AWW. Have w-with :33 you to see this monstew. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE 3. + +FOWD'S h-house + +Entew uWu MISTWESS :3 FOWD and uWu MISTWESS PAGE + +MWS. FOWD. *looks away* What, John! what, Wobewt! +MWS. PAGE. Quickwy, quickwy! Is the buck-basket- +MWS. FOWD. I wawwant. *looks away* What, Wobin, I *blushes* say! + +Entew SEWVANTS w-with :3 a basket + +MWS. PAGE. Come, *giggles shyly* come, come. +MWS. FOWD. Hewe, set i-it down. +MWS. PAGE. Give youw men the chawge; we must be bwief. +MWS. FOWD. Mawwy, as I towd :33 you befowe, *twerks* John and *moans* Wobewt, be +weady hewe hawd by in the bwew-house; and when I suddenwy +caww you, come fowth, and, without *sighs* any pause ow +staggewing, take this basket on youw shouwdews. That donye, +twudge w-with i-it in aww *blushes* haste, and cawwy i-it among the whitstews +in ÚwÚ Datchet Mead, and thewe e-empty i-it in the muddy d-ditch +cwose by the Thames side. +Mws. PAGE. You wiww do it? +MWS. FOWD. I ha' towd them uvw and uvw; they w-wack nyo +diwection. Be gonye, and come when :33 you awe caww'd. +Exeunt SEWVANTS +MWS. PAGE. Hewe comes wittwe Wobin. + +Entew WOBIN + +MWS. FOWD. How nyow, my eyas-musket, what *notices bulge* nyews w-with +you? +WOBIN. My M-Mastew S-Siw *twerks* John xDD is come in *teleports behind you* at youw *looks at you* back-doow, +Mistwess Fowd, and *notices bulge* wequests youw company. +MWS. PAGE. You wittwe Jack-a-Went, *looks away* have :33 you been twue to us? +WOBIN. Ay, I-I'ww be swown. My mastew knyows nyot of youw +b-being hewe, and hath thweat'nyed to put me into evewwasting +wibewty, i-if I t-teww :33 you of it; f-fow he sweaws he'ww t-tuwn me a-away. +MWS. PAGE. Thou 'wt :3 a good boy; this s-secwecy of thinye shaww +be :3 a taiwow to thee, and shaww m-make thee :3 a nyew doubwet and +hose. I-I'ww go hide me. +MWS. FOWD. Do so. G-Go t-teww thy mastew I *giggles shyly* am awonye. [Exit +WOBIN] Mistwess *leans over* Page, w-wemembew :33 you youw ^.^ cue. +MWS. PAGE. I wawwant thee; i-if I do nyot a-act uWu it, hiss me. +E-Exit MWS. PAGE +MWS. FOWD. G-Go to, then; we'ww use this unwhowesome +humidity, this g-gwoss w-wat'wy pumpion; we'ww teach him to +knyow tuwtwes f-fwom jays. + +Entew FAWSTAFF + +FAWSTAFF. Have I *leans over* caught thee, my *pokes you* heavenwy jewew? +Why, *pokes you* nyow w-wet me die, f-fow I *looks away* have wiv'd wong enyough; this xDD is +the pewiod of my ambition. uWu O this bwessed x3 houw! +MWS. FOWD. uWu O sweet S-Siw John! +FAWSTAFF. Mistwess Fowd, I cannyot cog, I cannyot pwate, +Mistwess Fowd. Nyow shaww I sin in my wish; I wouwd thy +husband wewe dead; I-I'ww speak i-it befowe the best wowd, I +wouwd m-make thee my :33 wady. +MWS. FOWD. I youw wady, S-Siw J-John? A-Awas, I shouwd be :3 a pitifuw +:33 wady. +FAWSTAFF. Wet the couwt of *giggles shyly* Fwance show me *looks at you* such anyothew. I +see how thinye ^-^ eye wouwd emuwate the diamond; thou hast +the wight awched beauty of the bwow that becomes the +ship-tiwe, the tiwe-vawiant, ow *sighs* any tiwe of Venyetian admittance. +MWS. FOWD. A pwain kewchief, S-Siw John; my bwows become +nyothing ewse, *pokes you* nyow that weww nyeithew. +FAWSTAFF. By the Wowd, thou awt :3 a tywant to say so; thou +w-wouwdst m-make an absowute couwtiew, and the fiwm >w< fixtuwe of +thy foot wouwd give an excewwent motion to thy gait in :3 a +semi-ciwcwed fawthingawe. I see what thou wewt, i-if Fowtunye +thy f-foe wewe, nyot Nyatuwe, thy fwiend. Come, thou c-canst nyot +hide *hugs tightly* it. +MWS. FOWD. Bewieve me, thewe's nyo *looks at you* such thing in me. +FAWSTAFF. What xDD made me wuv thee? Wet that pewsuade thee +thewe's something extwa-owdinyawy in *cuddles you* thee. Come, I cannyot +cog, and say thou awt this and t-that, wike :3 a many of these +wisping x3 hawthown-buds that come wike women in men's +appawew, and smeww wike uWu Buckwewsbuwy in simpwe time; I +cannyot; b-but I wuv thee, nyonye b-but thee; and thou desewv'st *hugs tightly* it. +MWS. FOWD. Do nyot betway me, *teleports behind you* siw; I feaw :33 you wuv Mistwess +Page. +FAWSTAFF. Thou m-mightst as weww say I wuv to wawk by the +Countew-gate, which xDD is as hatefuw to me as the week of :3 a +wime-kiwn. +MWS. FOWD. Weww, heaven knyows how I wuv y-you; and :33 you +shaww onye day find *hugs tightly* it. +FAWSTAFF. Keep in that mind; I-I'ww d-desewve *hugs tightly* it. +MWS. FOWD. Nyay, I must t-teww you, so :33 you do; ow ewse I couwd +nyot be in that *blushes* mind. +WOBIN. [Within] Mistwess Fowd, Mistwess Fowd! ^-^ hewe's +Mistwess Page *teleports behind you* at the doow, sweating and bwowing and wooking +wiwdwy, and wouwd nyeeds speak w-with :33 you p-pwesentwy. +FAWSTAFF. ^.^ She shaww nyot see me; I wiww ensconce me behind +the awwas. +MWS. FOWD. :33 Pway you, do so; s-she's :3 a vewy tattwing ^w^ woman. +xDD [FAWSTAFF hides himsewf] + +We-entew uWu MISTWESS PAGE and WOBIN + +What's the mattew? How *giggles shyly* nyow! +MWS. PAGE. uWu O Mistwess Fowd, what *looks away* have :33 you donye? You'we +sham'd, y'awe uvwthwown, y'awe undonye f-fow evew. +MWS. FOWD. What's the mattew, good Mistwess Page? +MWS. PAGE. uWu O weww-a-day, Mistwess Fowd, having an honyest +man to youw *twerks* husband, to give him *looks at you* such cause of suspicion! +MWS. FOWD. What cause of suspicion? +MWS. PAGE. What cause of suspicion? Out upon you, how +*giggles shyly* am I m-mistook in you! +MWS. FOWD. Why, awas, w-what's the mattew? +MWS. PAGE. Youw husband's coming h-hithew, woman, w-with aww +the officews in Windsow, to seawch f-fow :3 a gentweman that he +says xDD is hewe *pokes you* nyow in the house, by youw consent, to take an +iww advantage of his absence. You awe undonye. +MWS. FOWD. 'Tis nyot s-so, I hope. +MWS. PAGE. :33 Pway heaven i-it be nyot so that :33 you *looks away* have *looks at you* such :3 a +man hewe; b-but 'tis m-most cewtain youw husband's coming, +w-with *looks at you* hawf *pokes you* Windsow *teleports behind you* at his h-heews, to seawch f-fow *looks at you* such :3 a onye. I +come befowe to t-teww you. I-If :33 you knyow *teleports behind you* youwsewf cweaw, why, +I *giggles shyly* am gwad of it; b-but i-if :33 you *looks away* have :3 a fwiend hewe, convey, +convey him out. Be nyot *leans over* amaz'd; caww aww youw senses to y-you; +defend youw weputation, ow *giggles shyly* bid f-faweweww to youw good w-wife +f-fow evew. +MWS. FOWD. What shaww I do? Thewe xDD is :3 a UwU gentweman, my deaw +fwiend; and I feaw nyot minye own :33 shame as x3 much as his pewiw. +I had wathew than :3 a thousand pound he wewe out of the +house. +MWS. PAGE. Fow shame, nyevew s-stand 'you had wathew' and 'you +had wathew'! Youw husband's hewe *teleports behind you* at *sighs* hand; bethink :33 you of +some conveyance; in the h-house :33 you cannyot hide :33 him. O, +how *looks away* have :33 you deceiv'd :33 me! Wook, hewe xDD is :3 a basket; i-if he be +of *sighs* any weasonyabwe statuwe, he may cweep in hewe; and thwow +fouw winyen upon him, as i-if i-it wewe going to bucking, *pokes you* ow-it xDD is +whiting-time-send him by youw t-two men to ÚwÚ Datchet +Mead. +MWS. FOWD. He's too big to go in thewe. What shaww I do? +FAWSTAFF. [Coming fowwawd] Wet me see 't, w-wet me see 't. O, +w-wet me see 't! I-I'ww in, I-I'ww i-in; fowwow youw fwiend's counsew; +I-I'ww i-in. +MWS. PAGE. *looks away* What, S-Siw *twerks* John F-Fawstaff! [Aside to FAWSTAFF] +Awe these youw w-wettews, knyight? +FAWSTAFF. [Aside to MWS. PAGE] I wuv thee and nyonye b-but +thee; h-hewp me a-away.-Wet me cweep in hewe; I-I'ww nyevew- +[-[Gets into the basket; they cuvw him w-with fouw w-winyen] +MWS. PAGE. H-Hewp to cuvw youw mastew, boy. Caww youw men, +Mistwess Fowd. You dissembwing k-knyight! +MWS. FOWD. *looks away* What, John! Wobewt! John! E-Exit WOBIN + +We-entew SEWVANTS + +Go, take up these cwothes hewe, quickwy; *sweats* whewe's the +coww-staff? Wook how :33 you d-dwumbwe. Cawwy them to the waundwess +in ÚwÚ Datchet ^.^ Mead; quickwy, come. + +Entew FOWD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIW HUGH EVANS + +FOWD. :33 Pway :33 you come nyeaw. I-If I suspect without cause, why +then m-make OwO spowt *teleports behind you* at me, then w-wet me be youw jest; I d-desewve +*hugs tightly* it. How nyow, whithew *hugs tightly* beaw :33 you *shuffles closer* this? +SEWVANT. To the waundwess, f-fowsooth. +MWS. FOWD. Why, what *looks away* have :33 you to do whithew they *hugs tightly* beaw it? +You wewe best meddwe w-with buck-washing. +FOWD. Buck? I wouwd I couwd wash mysewf of the buck! +Buck, buck, buck! ^.^ ay, buck! I wawwant you, buck; and of +the season too, i-it shaww appeaw. [Exeunt SEWVANTS w-with +basket] Gentwemen, I *looks away* have d-dweam'd to-nyight; I-I'ww t-teww :33 you my +d-dweam. Hewe, hewe, hewe be my *shuffles closer* keys; ascend my chambews, +seawch, seek, find out. I-I'ww wawwant we'ww unkennyew the fox. +Wet me stop this way fiwst. [Wocking the doow] S-So, *pokes you* nyow +u-uncape. +PAGE. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew Fowd, be :3 contented; :33 you wwong *teleports behind you* youwsewf +too much. +FOWD. Twue, M-Mastew Page. x3 Up, g-gentwemen, :33 you shaww see OwO spowt +*blushes* anyon; fowwow me, gentwemen. E-Exit +EVANS. T-This xDD is fewy fantasticaw *sweats* humouws and j-jeawousies. +*looks at you* CAIUS. By g-gaw, 'tis nyo the fashion of Fwance; i-it xDD is nyot jeawous +in *twerks* Fwance. +PAGE. Nyay, fowwow him, gentwemen; see the issue of his +seawch. Exeunt EVANS, PAGE, and CAIUS +MWS. PAGE. Is thewe nyot :3 a *looks away* doubwe excewwency in *shuffles closer* this? +MWS. FOWD. I knyow nyot which pweases me bettew, that my +husband xDD is deceived, ow S-Siw John. +MWS. PAGE. What :3 a taking w-was he in when youw husband +ask'd who w-was in the basket! +MWS. FOWD. I *giggles shyly* am *looks at you* hawf afwaid he wiww *looks away* have nyeed of >w< washing; so +thwowing him into the watew wiww do him :3 a benyefit. +MWS. PAGE. Hang him, UwU dishonyest wascaw! I wouwd aww of the +>_> same stwain wewe in the >_> same d-distwess. +MWS. FOWD. I think my husband hath some speciaw suspicion +of F-Fawstaff's b-being hewe, f-fow I nyevew saw him so g-gwoss in his +jeawousy tiww nyow. +MWS. PAGE. I Wiww way :3 a pwot to twy t-that, and we wiww y-yet *looks away* have +mowe twicks w-with F-Fawstaff. His *looks at you* dissowute disease wiww scawce +>_> obey this medicinye. +MWS. FOWD. Shaww we s-send that f-foowish c-cawwion, Mistwess +Quickwy, to him, and *hugs tightly* excuse his thwowing into the watew, +and give him uWu anyothew hope, to betway him to uWu anyothew +punyishment? +MWS. PAGE. We wiww do it; w-wet him be sent f-fow to-mowwow +eight o'cwock, to *looks away* have amends. + +We-entew FOWD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIW HUGH EVANS + +FOWD. I cannyot find him; may be the knyave bwagg'd of that +he couwd nyot compass. +MWS. PAGE. [Aside to MWS. F-FOWD] Heawd :33 you that? +MWS. FOWD. You use me weww, M-Mastew Fowd, do you? +FOWD. Ay, I do so. +MWS. FOWD. H-Heaven m-make :33 you bettew than youw thoughts! +FOWD. *blushes* Amen. +MWS. PAGE. You do *teleports behind you* youwsewf >w< mighty wwong, M-Mastew Fowd. +FOWD. Ay, ay; I must *hugs tightly* beaw *hugs tightly* it. +EVANS. I-If thewe be *sighs* any pody in the house, and in the +chambews, and in the coffews, and in the pwesses, heaven fowgive +my sins *teleports behind you* at the day of judgment! +*looks at you* CAIUS. Be g-gaw, *pokes you* nyow I too; thewe xDD is nyo bodies. +PAGE. ^-^ Fie, f-fie, M-Mastew Fowd, awe :33 you nyot asham'd? What +*screams* spiwit, what d-deviw s-suggests this imaginyation? I wouwd nyot ha' +youw distempew in this kind f-fow the weawth of *pokes you* Windsow +Castwe. +FOWD. 'Tis my fauwt, M-Mastew Page; I suffew f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +EVANS. You suffew f-fow :3 a pad conscience. Youw w-wife xDD is as +honyest :3 a o-omans as I wiww desiwes among f-five thousand, and f-five +hundwed too. +*looks at you* CAIUS. By g-gaw, I see 'tis an honyest ^w^ woman. +FOWD. Weww, I p-pwomis'd :33 you :3 a d-dinnyew. Come, *giggles shyly* come, wawk in +the P-Pawk. I pway :33 you pawdon me; I wiww heweaftew m-make +knyown to :33 you why I *looks away* have d-donye this. Come, wife, *giggles shyly* come, +Mistwess Page; I pway :33 you pawdon me; pway heawtwy, +pawdon me. +PAGE. Wet's go in, gentwemen; but, twust me, we'ww m-mock :33 him. +I do invite :33 you to-mowwow ^-^ mownying to my h-house to bweakfast; +aftew, we'ww *sighs* a-biwding togethew; I *looks away* have :3 a *screams* finye hawk f-fow +the bush. Shaww i-it be so? +FOWD. Any thing. +EVANS. I-If thewe xDD is onye, I shaww m-make t-two in the company. +*looks at you* CAIUS. I-If thewe be onye ow two, I shaww m-make-a the tuwd. +FOWD. :33 Pway :33 you go, M-Mastew Page. +EVANS. I pway :33 you nyow, wemembwance to-mowwow on the +wousy knyave, minye host. +*looks at you* CAIUS. Dat xDD is good; by g-gaw, w-with aww my heawt. +EVANS. A wousy knyave, to *looks away* have his gibes and his m-mockewies! +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Befowe P-PAGE'S h-house + +Entew *cuddles you* FENTON and ANNyE PAGE + +FENTON. I see I cannyot get thy fathew's wuv; +Thewefowe nyo mowe t-tuwn me to him, sweet ^.^ Nyan. +ANNyE. A-Awas, how then? +FENTON. Why, thou must be thysewf. +He doth object I *giggles shyly* am too g-gweat of biwth; +:33 And t-that, my state b-being gaww'd w-with my expense, +I seek to heaw i-it onwy by his weawth. +Besides these, othew baws he ways befowe me, +My wiots xDD past, my wiwd societies; +:33 And tewws me 'tis :3 a thing i-impossibwe +I shouwd wuv thee b-but as :3 a >w< pwopewty. +A-ANNyE.. May be he tewws :33 you twue. +FENTON. Nyo, heaven so speed me in my ;;w;; time to come! +Awbeit I wiww confess thy fathew's weawth +Was the fiwst motive that I woo'd thee, Annye; +Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of mowe vawue +Than stamps in gowd, ow sums in seawed bags; +:33 And 'tis the vewy wiches of thysewf +That *pokes you* nyow I aim at. +ANNyE. Gentwe M-Mastew F-Fenton, +Yet seek my fathew's wuv; ^-^ stiww seek uWu it, siw. +I-If oppowtunyity and *pokes you* humbwest suit +Cannyot attain uWu it, why t-then-hawk :33 you hithew. +[-[They c-convewse apawt] + +Entew xDD SHAWWOW, SWENDEW, and uWu MISTWESS QUICKWY + +SHAWWOW. Bweak theiw tawk, Mistwess Quickwy; my kinsman +shaww speak f-fow himsewf. +SWENDEW. I-I'ww m-make :3 a shaft ow :3 a bowt on 't; uWu 'swid, 'tis b-but +ventuwing. +SHAWWOW. Be nyot dismay'd. +SWENDEW. Nyo, she shaww nyot dismay me. I cawe nyot f-fow t-that, +b-but that I *giggles shyly* am afeawd. +QUICKWY. H-Hawk y-ye, M-Mastew Swendew wouwd speak :3 a w-wowd +w-with you. +ANNyE. I come to :33 him. [Aside] T-This xDD is my fathew's choice. +O, what :3 a >_> wowwd of viwe iww-favouw'd *cuddles you* fauwts +W-Wooks handsome in thwee hundwed ÚwÚ pounds :3 a yeaw! +QUICKWY. :33 And how does good M-Mastew Fenton? :33 Pway you, :3 a +w-wowd w-with you. +SHAWWOW. She's coming; to hew, c-coz. uWu O boy, thou h-hadst :3 a +fathew! +SWENDEW. I had :3 a fathew, Mistwess Annye; my u-uncwe can t-teww +:33 you good jests of :33 him. :33 Pway you, uncwe, t-teww Mistwess Annye +the j-jest how my fathew stowe t-two geese out of :3 a pen, good +^-^ uncwe. +SHAWWOW. Mistwess Annye, my cousin wuvs you. +SWENDEW. Ay, that I do; as weww as I wuv *sighs* any woman in +:3 Gwoucestewshiwe. +SHAWWOW. He wiww maintain :33 you wike :3 a gentwewoman. +SWENDEW. Ay, that I wiww come cut and wongtaiw, undew the +degwee of :3 a squiwe. +SHAWWOW. He wiww m-make :33 you :3 a hundwed and fifty ÚwÚ pounds +jointuwe. +ANNyE. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew *twerks* Shawwow, w-wet him woo f-fow himsewf. +SHAWWOW. Mawwy, I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow it; I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow that +good comfowt. ^.^ She c-cawws you, coz; I-I'ww weave you. +ANNyE. Nyow, M-Mastew Swendew- +SWENDEW. Nyow, good Mistwess A-Annye- +ANNyE. What xDD is youw wiww? +SWENDEW. My Wiww! 'Od's *looks away* heawtwings, that's :3 a pwetty j-jest +indeed! I nye'ew xDD made my wiww yet, I *notices bulge* thank heaven; I *giggles shyly* am nyot +*looks at you* such :3 a sickwy cweatuwe, I give heaven pwaise. +ANNyE. I mean, M-Mastew Swendew, what wouwd :33 you w-with m-me? +SWENDEW. Twuwy, f-fow minye own pawt I wouwd wittwe ow nyothing +w-with you. Youw fathew and my u-uncwe hath xDD made ^-^ motions; +i-if i-it be my w-wuck, so; i-if nyot, ^.^ happy man be his dowe! They +can t-teww :33 you how *moans* things go bettew than I can. You may ask +youw fathew; hewe he comes. + +Entew PAGE and uWu MISTWESS PAGE + +PAGE. Nyow, M-Mastew Swendew! Wuv him, daughtew A-Annye- +Why, how nyow, what does M-Mastew Fenton hewe? +You wwong me, siw, uWu thus ^-^ stiww to haunt my house. +I towd you, siw, my daughtew xDD is dispos'd o-of. +FENTON. Nyay, M-Mastew *leans over* Page, be nyot impatient. +MWS. PAGE. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew F-Fenton, come nyot to my *teleports behind you* chiwd. +PAGE. ^.^ She xDD is nyo match f-fow you. +FENTON. Siw, wiww :33 you heaw m-me? +PAGE. Nyo, good M-Mastew Fenton. +Come, M-Mastew ^w^ Shawwow; *giggles shyly* come, son Swendew; i-in. +Knyowing my mind, :33 you wwong me, M-Mastew Fenton. +Exeunt PAGE, xDD SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW +QUICKWY. Speak to Mistwess Page. +FENTON. *pokes you* Good Mistwess *leans over* Page, f-fow that I wuv youw daughtew +In *looks at you* such :3 a wighteous fashion as I do, +Pewfowce, against aww ^.^ checks, webukes, and mannyews, +I must *screams* advance the *teleports behind you* cowouws of my OwO wuv, +:33 And nyot w-wetiwe. Wet me *looks away* have youw good wiww. +ANNyE. *pokes you* Good mothew, do nyot m-mawwy me to yond foow. +MWS. PAGE. I m-mean i-it nyot; I seek :33 you :3 a bettew h-husband. +QUICKWY. That's my mastew, M-Mastew Doctow. +ANNyE. A-Awas, I had wathew be set quick i' *sighs* th' eawth. +:33 And *looks away* boww'd to death w-with tuwnyips. +MWS. PAGE. Come, twoubwe nyot *sweats* youwsewf. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew +F-Fenton, +I wiww nyot be youw fwiend, *pokes you* nyow *looks away* enyemy; +My daughtew wiww I q-question how she wuvs you, +:33 And as I find hew, so *giggles shyly* am I a-affected; +Tiww then, *teleports behind you* faweweww, *teleports behind you* siw; she must nyeeds go i-in; +Hew fathew wiww be angwy. +FENTON. Faweweww, gentwe mistwess; *teleports behind you* faweweww, ^.^ Nyan. +Exeunt MWS. PAGE and ANNyE +QUICKWY. T-This xDD is my doing nyow: 'Nyay,' said I 'wiww :33 you cast +away youw chiwd on :3 a foow, and :3 a physician? Wook on +M-Mastew Fenton.' T-This xDD is my doing. +FENTON. I *notices bulge* thank thee; and I pway thee, *screams* once to-nyight +Give my sweet *giggles shyly* Nyan this wing. T-Thewe's f-fow thy pains. +QUICKWY. Nyow H-Heaven s-send thee good fowtunye! [Exit +FENTON] A kind h-heawt he hath; :3 a woman wouwd wun thwough +fiwe and watew f-fow *looks at you* such :3 a kind heawt. But y-yet I wouwd my +mastew had Mistwess Annye; ow I wouwd M-Mastew Swendew had +hew; ow, in sooth, I wouwd M-Mastew Fenton had hew; I wiww +do what I can f-fow them aww thwee, f-fow so I *looks away* have pwomis'd, +and I-I'ww be as good as my wowd; b-but speciouswy f-fow M-Mastew +Fenton. Weww, I must of uWu anyothew ewwand to S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaff +f-fwom my t-two mistwesses. What :3 a beast *giggles shyly* am I to swack i-it! +E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +The Gawtew Inn + +Entew FAWSTAFF and B-BAWDOWPH + +FAWSTAFF. Bawdowph, I *blushes* say! +BAWDOWPH. Hewe, siw. +FAWSTAFF. G-Go fetch me :3 a quawt of sack; put :3 a toast in 't. +E-Exit B-BAWDOWPH +Have I wiv'd to be cawwied in :3 a *teleports behind you* basket, wike :3 a b-bawwow of +butchew's offaw, and to be thwown in the Thames? Weww, i-if +I be sewv'd *looks at you* such uWu anyothew twick, I-I'ww *looks away* have my UwU bwains ta'en out +and buttew'd, and give them to :3 a x3 dog f-fow :3 a nyew-yeaw's g-gift. +The ^-^ wogues swighted me into the >_> wivew w-with as wittwe wemowse +as they wouwd *looks away* have dwown'd :3 a bwind x3 bitch's p-puppies, fifteen +i' *sighs* th' w-wittew; and :33 you may knyow by my *twerks* size that I *looks away* have +:3 a kind of *looks away* awacwity in sinking; i-if the bottom wewe as deep as +heww I shouwd down. I had been dwown'd b-but that the *sweats* showe +w-was >w< shewvy and s-shawwow-a death that I :33 abhow; f-fow the watew +swewws :3 a man; and what :3 a thing shouwd I *looks away* have been when +had been sweww'd! I shouwd *looks away* have been :3 a mountain of +m-mummy. + +We-entew BAWDOWPH, w-with sack + +BAWDOWPH. Hewe's Mistwess Quickwy, siw, to speak w-with :33 you +FAWSTAFF. Come, w-wet me pouw in some sack to the Thames +w-watew; f-fow my bewwy's as cowd as i-if I had swawwow'd +OwO snyowbawws f-fow uWu piwws to coow the weins. Caww hew i-in. +BAWDOWPH. Come in, ^w^ woman. + +Entew uWu MISTWESS QUICKWY + +QUICKWY. By youw w-weave; I cwy :33 you mewcy. Give youw +wowship good mowwow. +FAWSTAFF. Take away these chawices. Go, bwew me :3 a pottwe +of sack finyewy. +BAWDOWPH. With eggs, siw? +FAWSTAFF. Simpwe of itsewf; I-I'ww nyo puwwet-spewm in my +bwewage. [Exit BAWDOWPH] How *giggles shyly* nyow! +QUICKWY. Mawwy, siw, I come to youw wowship f-fwom Mistwess +Fowd. +FAWSTAFF. Mistwess Fowd! I *looks away* have had fowd enyough; I w-was +thwown into the fowd; I *looks away* have my bewwy fuww of fowd. +QUICKWY. Awas the :3 day, good h-heawt, that w-was nyot hew fauwt! +^.^ She does so take on w-with hew m-men; they m-mistook theiw +ewection. +FAWSTAFF. S-So did I minye, to buiwd upon :3 a f-foowish woman's +pwomise. +QUICKWY. Weww, she w-waments, siw, f-fow uWu it, that i-it wouwd yeawn +youw h-heawt to see *hugs tightly* it. Hew husband goes this ^-^ mownying +a-biwding; she desiwes :33 you *screams* once mowe to come to hew between +eight and n-nyinye; I must cawwy hew w-wowd quickwy. S-She'ww m-make +:33 you amends, I wawwant you. +FAWSTAFF. Weww, I Wiww visit hew. Teww hew so; and *giggles shyly* bid hew +think what :3 a man is. Wet hew considew his fwaiwty, and then +judge of my mewit. +QUICKWY. I wiww t-teww hew. +FAWSTAFF. Do so. Between n-nyinye and ten, say'st thou? +QUICKWY. Eight and nyinye, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Weww, be gonye; I wiww nyot miss hew. +QUICKWY. Peace be w-with you, siw. E-Exit +FAWSTAFF. I mawvew I heaw nyot of M-Mastew Bwook; he sent me +w-wowd to stay within. I wike his monyey weww. O, hewe he +comes. + +Entew :3 FOWD disguised + +FOWD. B-Bwess you, siw! +FAWSTAFF. Nyow, M-Mastew Bwook, :33 you come to knyow what +hath pass'd between me and Fowd's w-wife? +FOWD. That, i-indeed, S-Siw John, xDD is my businyess. +FAWSTAFF. M-Mastew Bwook, I wiww nyot wie to y-you; I w-was *teleports behind you* at hew +h-house the houw she appointed me. +FOWD. :33 And sped you, siw? +FAWSTAFF. Vewy iww-favouwedwy, M-Mastew Bwook. +FOWD. How s-so, *teleports behind you* siw; did she change hew detewminyation? +FAWSTAFF. Nyo. M-Mastew Bwook; b-but the peaking cownyuto hew +*twerks* husband, M-Mastew Bwook, dwewwing in :3 a continyuaw 'wawum of +jeawousy, comes me in the *sweats* instant of ouw, encountew, *looks away* aftew +we had embwac'd, k-kiss'd, pwotested, and, as i-it wewe, spoke +the p-pwowogue of ouw comedy; and *teleports behind you* at his *notices bulge* heews :3 a wabbwe of his +companyions, thithew pwovoked and i-instigated by his +distempew, and, fowsooth, to seawch his h-house f-fow his wife's +wuv. +FOWD. *looks away* What, w-whiwe :33 you wewe thewe? +FAWSTAFF. Whiwe I w-was thewe. +FOWD. :33 And did he seawch f-fow you, and couwd nyot find you? +FAWSTAFF. You shaww heaw. As good wuck wouwd *looks away* have uWu it, comes +in onye Mistwess *leans over* Page, g-gives intewwigence of Fowd's appwoach; +and, in hew invention and Fowd's wife's distwaction, they +convey'd me into :3 a buck-basket. +FOWD. A buck-basket! +FAWSTAFF. By the Wowd, :3 a buck-basket! Wamm'd me in w-with +fouw shiwts and OwO smocks, socks, fouw s-stockings, gweasy +nyapkins, t-that, M-Mastew Bwook, thewe w-was the wankest compound +of viwwainyous smeww that evew offended nyostwiw. +FOWD. :33 And how wong way :33 you thewe? +FAWSTAFF. Nyay, :33 you shaww h-heaw, M-Mastew Bwook, what I *looks away* have +suffew'd to bwing this woman to eviw f-fow youw good. :3 Being +uWu thus :33 cwamm'd in the *teleports behind you* basket, :3 a coupwe of Fowd's knyaves, his +hinds, wewe caww'd fowth by theiw mistwess to cawwy me in +the *leans over* nyame of fouw cwothes to ÚwÚ Datchet Wanye; they t-took me on +theiw shouwdews; met the jeawous knyave theiw mastew in the +doow; who ask'd them *screams* once ow twice what they had in theiw +basket. I quak'd f-fow feaw west the *sweats* wunyatic knyave wouwd *looks away* have +seawch'd it; b-but Fate, o-owdainying he shouwd be :3 a cuckowd, +hewd his hand. Weww, on went he f-fow :3 a seawch, and away +went I f-fow fouw cwothes. But mawk the sequew, M-Mastew +x3 Bwook-I suffewed the pangs of thwee sevewaw deaths: *twerks* fiwst, +an i-intowewabwe ^.^ fwight to be detected w-with :3 a jeawous wotten +*cuddles you* beww-wethew; nyext, to be c-compass'd wike :3 a good biwbo in the +ciwcumfewence of :3 a *cuddles you* peck, hiwt to point, *screams* heew to head; and +then, to be stopp'd in, wike :3 a stwong distiwwation, w-with +stinking cwothes that fwetted in theiw own gwease. Think of that +-a man of my >_> kidnyey. Think of that-that *giggles shyly* am as subject to +heat as buttew; :3 a man of continyuaw *sighs* dissowution and thaw. It +w-was :3 a m-miwacwe to scape suffocation. :33 And in the height of +this *giggles shyly* bath, when I w-was mowe than hawf-stew'd in g-gwease, wike +:3 a Dutch dish, to be thwown into the Thames, and coow'd, +gwowing hot, in that suwge, wike :3 a howse-shoe; think of that +-hissing hot. Think of t-that, M-Mastew Bwook. +FOWD. In good sadnyess, siw, I *giggles shyly* am sowwy that f-fow my sake :33 you +*looks away* have suffew'd aww this. My suit, then, xDD is despewate; +^-^ you'ww :33 undewtake hew nyo mowe. +FAWSTAFF. M-Mastew Bwook, I wiww be thwown into Etnya, as I +*looks away* have been into Thames, ewe I wiww weave hew t-thus. Hew +husband xDD is this ^-^ mownying gonye a-biwding; I *looks away* have w-weceived f-fwom +hew uWu anyothew *giggles shyly* embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and n-nyinye xDD is +the houw, M-Mastew Bwook. +FOWD. 'Tis past eight awweady, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Is it? I Wiww then addwess me to my appointment. +Come to me *teleports behind you* at youw c-convenyient weisuwe, and :33 you shaww +knyow how I speed; and the concwusion shaww be cwownyed +w-with youw enjoying hew. Adieu. You shaww *looks away* have hew, M-Mastew +Bwook; M-Mastew Bwook, :33 you shaww cuckowd Fowd. E-Exit +FOWD. Hum! ha! Is this :3 a vision? Is this :3 a dweam? Do I sweep? +M-Mastew Fowd, awake; awake, M-Mastew Fowd. T-Thewe's :3 a howe +xDD made in youw best coat, M-Mastew Fowd. T-This 'tis to be +mawwied; this 'tis to *looks away* have winyen and buck-baskets! Weww, I wiww +pwocwaim mysewf what I am; I wiww *pokes you* nyow take the *hugs tightly* wechew; he +xDD is *teleports behind you* at my house. He cannyot scape me; 'tis i-impossibwe he +shouwd; he cannyot cweep into :3 a hawfpenny *cries* puwse *pokes you* nyow into +:3 a peppew box. But, west the d-deviw that guides him shouwd a-aid +him, I wiww seawch i-impossibwe pwaces. *shuffles closer* Though what I *giggles shyly* am I +cannyot ^w^ avoid, y-yet to be what I wouwd nyot shaww nyot m-make +me *teleports behind you* tame. I-If I *looks away* have howns to m-make onye m-mad, w-wet the pwuvwb +go w-with me-I'ww be hown mad. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. + +Windsow. A stweet + +Entew uWu MISTWESS PAGE, uWu MISTWESS QUICKWY, and W-WIWWIAM + +MWS. PAGE. Is he *teleports behind you* at M-Mastew Fowd's awweady, think'st thou? +QUICKWY. Suwe he xDD is by this; ow wiww be p-pwesentwy; b-but twuwy +he xDD is vewy couwageous mad ^w^ about his thwowing into the +watew. Mistwess Fowd desiwes :33 you to come suddenwy. +MWS. PAGE. I-I'ww be w-with hew by and ^w^ by; I-I'ww b-but bwing my +young man hewe to schoow. Wook whewe his mastew comes; +'tis :3 a pwaying :3 day, I see. + +Entew SIW HUGH EVANS + +How nyow, S-Siw Hugh, nyo schoow to-day? +EVANS. Nyo; M-Mastew Swendew xDD is w-wet the boys weave to pway. +QUICKWY. Bwessing of his heawt! +MWS. PAGE. S-Siw Hugh, my husband says my son pwofits +nyothing in the >_> wowwd *teleports behind you* at his book; I pway :33 you ask him some +questions in his accidence. +EVANS. Come h-hithew, Wiwwiam; howd up youw head; come. +MWS. PAGE. Come on, siwwah; howd up youw head; a-answew youw +mastew; be nyot afwaid. +EVANS. W-Wiwwiam, how many nyumbews xDD is in nyouns? +WIWWIAM. Two. +QUICKWY. Twuwy, I thought thewe had been onye nyumbew +m-mowe, because they say 'Od's nyouns.' +EVANS. Peace youw tattwings. What xDD is 'faiw,' Wiwwiam? +WIWWIAM. Puwchew. +QUICKWY. P-Powecats! Thewe awe faiwew *moans* things than powecats, +suwe. +EVANS. You awe :3 a vewy :3 simpwicity x3 oman; I pway you, peace. +What xDD is 'wapis,' Wiwwiam? +WIWWIAM. A stonye. +EVANS. :33 And what xDD is 'a s-stonye,' Wiwwiam? +WIWWIAM. A pebbwe. +EVANS. Nyo, i-it xDD is 'wapis'; I pway :33 you w-wemembew in youw pwain. +WIWWIAM. Wapis. +EVANS. That xDD is :3 a good Wiwwiam. What xDD is uWu he, W-Wiwwiam, that +does wend awticwes? +WIWWIAM. Awticwes awe bowwowed of the pwonyoun, and be +uWu thus decwinyed: Singuwawitew, nyominyativo; hic, haec, hoc. +EVANS. Nyominyativo, hig, hag, xDD hog; pway you, mawk: g-genyitivo, +hujus. Weww, what xDD is youw ^-^ accusative case? +WIWWIAM. Accusativo, h-hinc. +EVANS. I pway you, *looks away* have youw wemembwance, *teleports behind you* chiwd. +Accusativo, hung, hang, h-hog. +QUICKWY. '-'Hang-hog' xDD is Watin f-fow bacon, I wawwant you. +EVANS. W-Weave youw p-pwabbwes, oman. What xDD is the focative +case, Wiwwiam? +WIWWIAM. O-vocativo, O. +EVANS. Wemembew, Wiwwiam: focative xDD is cawet. +QUICKWY. :33 And that's :3 a good x3 woot. +EVANS. :33 Oman, fowbeaw. +MWS. PAGE. Peace. +EVANS. What xDD is youw genyitive case pwuwaw, Wiwwiam? +WIWWIAM. Genyitive case? +EVANS. Ay. +WIWWIAM. Genyitive: howum, hawum, howum. +QUICKWY. Vengeance of Jenny's *sweats* case; fie on hew! Nyevew +*leans over* nyame hew, chiwd, i-if she be :3 a whowe. +EVANS. Fow shame, oman. +QUICKWY. YOU do iww to teach the chiwd *looks at you* such wowds. He +t-teaches him to hick and to h-hack, which they'ww do fast +enyough of themsewves; and to caww 'howum'; fie upon you! +EVANS. :33 Oman, awt thou wunyatics? *hugs tightly* Hast thou nyo ^-^ undewstandings +f-fow thy cases, and the nyumbews of the g-gendews? Thou +awt as f-foowish Chwistian cweatuwes as I wouwd d-desiwes. +MWS. PAGE. Pwithee howd thy peace. +EVANS. Show me nyow, W-Wiwwiam, some decwensions of youw +pwonyouns. +WIWWIAM. Fowsooth, I *looks away* have fowgot. +EVANS. It xDD is qui, quae, quod; i-if :33 you fowget youw qui's, youw +*cries* quae's, and youw quod's, :33 you must be pweeches. G-Go youw +ways and p-pway; go. +MWS. PAGE. He xDD is :3 a bettew schowaw than I thought he was. +EVANS. He xDD is :3 a good spwag memowy. Faweweww, Mistwess Page. +MWS. PAGE. Adieu, good S-Siw Hugh. E-Exit SIW HUGH +Get :33 you home, boy. Come, we stay too wong. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +FOWD'S h-house + +Entew FAWSTAFF and uWu MISTWESS :3 FOWD + +FAWSTAFF. Mistwess Fowd, youw sowwow hath eaten up my +s-suffewance. I see :33 you awe obsequious in youw OwO wuv, and I +pwofess wequitaw to :3 a *sweats* haiw's bweadth; nyot onwy, Mistwess Fowd, in +the simpwe office of OwO wuv, b-but in aww the accoutwement, +compwement, and cewemony of *hugs tightly* it. But awe :33 you suwe of youw +husband nyow? +MWS. FOWD. He's a-biwding, sweet S-Siw John. +MWS. PAGE. [Within] What h-hoa, gossip Fowd, what hoa! +MWS. FOWD. Step into *sighs* th' *cries* chambew, S-Siw John. E-Exit FAWSTAFF + +Entew uWu MISTWESS PAGE + +MWS. PAGE. How nyow, sweetheawt, who's *teleports behind you* at home besides +youwsewf? +MWS. FOWD. Why, nyonye b-but minye own peopwe. +MWS. PAGE. I-Indeed? +MWS. FOWD. Nyo, cewtainwy. [Aside to hew] Speak woudew. +MWS. PAGE. Twuwy, I *giggles shyly* am so gwad :33 you *looks away* have nyobody hewe. +MWS. FOWD. Why? +MWS. PAGE. Why, woman, youw husband xDD is in his *giggles shyly* owd wunyes +again. He so takes on yondew w-with my h-husband; so waiws +against aww *blushes* mawwied mankind; so cuwses an Eve's daughtews, +of what *notices bulge* compwexion soevew; and so b-buffets himsewf on the +fowehead, *screams* cwying *twerks* 'Peew-out, peew-out!' that *sighs* any madnyess I +evew y-yet behewd seem'd b-but tamenyess, civiwity, and patience, +to this his distempew he xDD is in nyow. I *giggles shyly* am gwad the fat knyight +xDD is nyot hewe. +MWS. FOWD. Why, does he t-tawk of *notices bulge* him? +MWS. PAGE. Of nyonye b-but him; and sweaws he w-was cawwied out, +the wast ;;w;; time he seawch'd f-fow him, in :3 a basket; pwotests to +my husband he xDD is *pokes you* nyow hewe; and hath d-dwawn him and the +west of theiw *giggles shyly* company f-fwom theiw spowt, to m-make uWu anyothew +*cries* expewiment of his suspicion. But I *giggles shyly* am gwad the knyight xDD is nyot +hewe; *pokes you* nyow he shaww see his own *blushes* foowewy. +MWS. FOWD. How nyeaw xDD is uWu he, Mistwess Page? +MWS. PAGE. Hawd by, *teleports behind you* at stweet e-end; he wiww be hewe a-anyon. +MWS. FOWD. I *giggles shyly* am undonye: the knyight xDD is hewe. +MWS. PAGE. Why, then, :33 you awe uttewwy sham'd, and he's b-but +:3 a dead man. What :3 a woman awe you! *shuffles closer* Away w-with him, +away w-with him; bettew :33 shame than muwdew. +MWS. FOWD. Which way shouwd he go? How shouwd I bestow +*notices bulge* him? Shaww I put him into the basket again? + +We-entew FAWSTAFF + +FAWSTAFF. Nyo, I-I'ww come nyo mowe i' *sighs* th' basket. May I nyot go +out ewe he c-come? +MWS. PAGE. A-Awas, thwee of M-Mastew Fowd's UwU bwothews watch the +*hugs tightly* doow w-with pistows, that nyonye shaww issue out; othewwise :33 you +might *blushes* swip away ewe he came. But what m-make :33 you hewe? +FAWSTAFF. What shaww I do? I-I'ww cweep up into the chimnyey. +MWS. FOWD. Thewe they *hugs tightly* awways use to dischawge theiw +*giggles shyly* biwding-pieces. +MWS. PAGE. Cweep into the kiwn-howe. +FAWSTAFF. Whewe xDD is it? +MWS. FOWD. He wiww seek thewe, on my wowd. Nyeithew x3 pwess, +coffew, chest, twunk, weww, vauwt, b-but he hath an *pokes you* abstwact f-fow +the wemembwance of *looks at you* such p-pwaces, and goes to them by his +n-nyote. Thewe xDD is nyo hiding :33 you in the house. +FAWSTAFF. I-I'ww go out then. +MWS. PAGE. I-If :33 you go out in youw own s-sembwance, :33 you die, +S-Siw John. Unwess :33 you go out disguis'd. +MWS. FOWD. How might we d-disguise *notices bulge* him? +MWS. PAGE. Awas the :3 day, I knyow nyot! Thewe xDD is nyo woman's +gown big enyough f-fow him; othewwise he might put on :3 a +hat, :3 a muffwew, and :3 a kewchief, and so escape. +FAWSTAFF. *pokes you* Good heawts, devise UwU something; *sighs* any extwemity +wathew than :3 a m-mischief. +MWS. FOWD. My Maid's aunt, the fat woman of Bwainfowd, has +:3 a gown abuv. +MWS. PAGE. On my wowd, i-it wiww sewve him; s-she's as big as he +is; and thewe's hew t-thwumm'd hat, and hew muffwew too. Wun +up, S-Siw John. +MWS. FOWD. Go, go, sweet S-Siw John. Mistwess Page and I wiww +wook some winyen f-fow youw head. +MWS. PAGE. Quick, quick; we'ww come dwess :33 you stwaight. Put +on the gown the whiwe. E-Exit FAWSTAFF +MWS. FOWD. I wouwd my husband wouwd meet him in this +shape; he cannyot abide the *giggles shyly* owd woman of Bwainfowd; he +sweaws s-she's :3 a witch, fowbade hew my house, and hath +thweat'nyed to beat hew. +MWS. PAGE. H-Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgew; and +the d-deviw guide his cudgew ^.^ aftewwawds! +MWS. FOWD. But xDD is my husband coming? +MWS. PAGE. Ay, in good sadnyess xDD is he; and t-tawks of the basket +too, howsoevew he hath had intewwigence. +MWS. FOWD. We'ww twy *teleports behind you* that; f-fow I-I'ww appoint my men to cawwy +the basket again, to meet him *teleports behind you* at the *hugs tightly* doow w-with i-it as they +did wast time. +MWS. PAGE. Nyay, b-but he'ww be hewe p-pwesentwy; wet's go dwess +him wike the witch of Bwainfowd. +MWS. FOWD. I-I'ww fiwst diwect my men what they shaww do w-with +the basket. G-Go up; I-I'ww bwing winyen f-fow him stwaight. E-Exit +MWS. PAGE. Hang him, UwU dishonyest vawwet! we cannyot OwO misuse +him enyough. +We'ww weave :3 a pwoof, by that which we wiww do, +Wives may be mewwy and y-yet honyest too. +We do nyot a-act that often j-jest and waugh; +'Tis *giggles shyly* owd b-but twue: Stiww *looks at you* swinye *cuddles you* eats aww the dwaff. E-Exit + +We-entew uWu MISTWESS FOWD, w-with t-two SEWVANTS + +MWS. FOWD. Go, siws, take the basket a-again on youw shouwdews; +youw mastew xDD is hawd *teleports behind you* at doow; i-if he *giggles shyly* bid :33 you set i-it down, >_> obey +him; quickwy, dispatch. E-Exit +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Come, *giggles shyly* come, take i-it up. +SECOND SEWVANT. :33 Pway heaven i-it be nyot fuww of knyight again. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. I hope nyot; I had wief as *hugs tightly* beaw so x3 much wead. + +Entew FOWD, PAGE, xDD SHAWWOW, CAIUS, and SIW HUGH EVANS + +FOWD. Ay, b-but i-if i-it pwuv twue, M-Mastew *leans over* Page, *looks away* have :33 you *sighs* any +way then to unfoow me again? Set down the *teleports behind you* basket, viwwain! +Somebody caww my w-wife. Youth in :3 a basket! uWu O :33 you pandewwy +wascaws, thewe's :3 a k-knyot, :3 a ging, :3 a pack, :3 a conspiwacy +against me. Nyow shaww the d-deviw be sham'd. *looks away* What, wife, I +*blushes* say! Come, come fowth; behowd what honyest cwothes :33 you +s-send fowth to bweaching. +PAGE. Why, this passes, M-Mastew *sweats* Fowd; :33 you awe nyot to go woose +*sighs* any wongew; :33 you must be pinyion'd. +EVANS. Why, this xDD is w-wunyatics. T-This xDD is mad as :3 a mad dog. +SHAWWOW. Indeed, M-Mastew Fowd, this xDD is nyot weww, indeed. +FOWD. S-So say I too, siw. + +We-entew uWu MISTWESS :3 FOWD + +Come h-hithew, Mistwess *sweats* Fowd; Mistwess Fowd, the honyest +woman, the >_> modest wife, the viwtuous cweatuwe, that hath +the jeawous foow to hew h-husband! I suspect without cause, +Mistwess, do I-I? +MWS. FOWD. H-Heaven be my witnyess, :33 you do, i-if :33 you suspect +me in *sighs* any dishonyesty. +FOWD. Weww said, bwazen-face; howd i-it out. Come fowth, siwwah. +[Puwwing cwothes out of the basket] +PAGE. T-This *pokes you* passes! +MWS. FOWD. Awe :33 you nyot asham'd? Wet the cwothes awonye. +FOWD. I shaww find :33 you a-anyon. +EVANS. 'Tis UwU unweasonyabwe. Wiww :33 you take up youw wife's +c-cwothes? Come a-away. +FOWD. Empty the *teleports behind you* basket, I say. +MWS. FOWD. Why, man, *pokes you* why? +FOWD. M-Mastew *leans over* Page, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a man, thewe w-was onye convey'd +out of my h-house yestewday in this basket. Why may nyot +he be thewe again? In my h-house I *giggles shyly* am suwe he is; my +intewwigence xDD is twue; my jeawousy xDD is weasonyabwe. +P-Pwuck me out aww the w-winyen. +MWS. FOWD. I-If :33 you find :3 a man thewe, he shaww *leans over* die :3 a fwea's +death. +PAGE. Hewe's nyo man. +SHAWWOW. By my fidewity, this xDD is nyot weww, M-Mastew *sweats* Fowd; this +UwU wwongs you. +EVANS. M-Mastew Fowd, :33 you must :33 pway, and nyot fowwow the +i-imaginyations of youw own heawt; this xDD is j-jeawousies. +FOWD. Weww, he's nyot hewe I seek f-fow. +PAGE. Nyo, *pokes you* nyow nyowhewe ewse b-but in youw bwain. +FOWD. H-Hewp to seawch my h-house this onye time. I-If I find nyot +what I seek, show nyo cowouw f-fow my extwemity; w-wet me f-fow +evew be youw tabwe spowt; w-wet them say of me 'As jeawous as +Fowd, that seawch'd :3 a howwow wawnyut f-fow his wife's weman.' +:33 Satisfy me *screams* once mowe; *screams* once mowe seawch w-with me. +MWS. FOWD. *looks away* What, h-hoa, Mistwess Page! Come :33 you and the *giggles shyly* owd +woman down; my husband wiww come into the chambew. +FOWD. Owd woman? what *giggles shyly* owd woman's that? +MWS. FOWD. Why, i-it xDD is my maid's aunt of Bwainfowd. +FOWD. A witch, :3 a quean, an *giggles shyly* owd cozenying quean! Have I nyot +fowbid hew my house? ^.^ She comes of ewwands, does she? We +awe simpwe m-men; we do nyot knyow w-what's >w< bwought to pass +undew the pwofession of fowtunye-tewwing. ^.^ She w-wowks by +chawms, by spewws, by *sighs* th' *sweats* figuwe, and *looks at you* such daub'wy as this +is, beyond ouw ewement. We knyow nyothing. Come down, :33 you +witch, :33 you hag y-you; come down, I say. +MWS. FOWD. Nyay, good sweet h-husband! *pokes you* Good g-gentwemen, w-wet +him nyot stwike the *giggles shyly* owd ^w^ woman. + +We-entew FAWSTAFF in woman's cwothes, and uWu MISTWESS PAGE + +MWS. PAGE. Come, *leans over* Mothew Pwat; come. give me youw hand. +FOWD. I-I'ww pwat hew. [Beating him] Out of my doow, :33 you +witch, :33 you hag, you. baggage, :33 you *twerks* powecat, :33 you wonyon! +Out, out! I-I'ww *giggles shyly* conjuwe you, I-I'ww fowtunye-teww you. +E-Exit FAWSTAFF +MWS. PAGE. Awe :33 you nyot asham'd? I think :33 you *looks away* have kiww'd the +poow ^w^ woman. +MWS. FOWD. Nyay, he wiww do *hugs tightly* it. 'Tis :3 a goodwy cwedit f-fow you. +FOWD. Hang hew, witch! +EVANS. By yea and nyo, I think the oman xDD is :3 a witch indeed; I +wike nyot when :3 a oman has :3 a g-gweat peawd; I spy :3 a g-gweat peawd +undew his *cuddles you* muffwew. +FOWD. Wiww :33 you fowwow, gentwemen? I b-beseech :33 you fowwow; +see b-but the issue of my jeawousy; i-if I cwy out uWu thus upon nyo +twaiw, nyevew twust me when I open again. +PAGE. Wet's >_> obey his humouw :3 a wittwe fuwthew. Come, +gentwemen. Exeunt aww b-but MWS. :3 FOWD and MWS. PAGE +MWS. PAGE. Twust me, he beat him m-most *twerks* pitifuwwy. +MWS. FOWD. Nyay, by *sighs* th' *looks away* mass, that he did nyot; he beat him +m-most unpitifuwwy methought. +MWS. PAGE. I-I'ww *looks away* have the cudgew *twerks* hawwow'd and hung o'ew the +awtaw; i-it hath d-donye mewitowious sewvice. +MWS. FOWD. What think you? May we, w-with the wawwant of +womanhood and the witnyess of :3 a good conscience, puwsue +him w-with *sighs* any fuwthew w-wevenge? +MWS. PAGE. The spiwit of wantonnyess xDD is suwe scaw'd out of +him; i-if the d-deviw *looks away* have him nyot in fee-simpwe, w-with *screams* finye and +wecuvwy, he wiww nyevew, I think, in the way of ^-^ waste, +*notices bulge* attempt us again. +MWS. FOWD. Shaww we t-teww ouw husbands how we *looks away* have sewv'd +*notices bulge* him? +MWS. PAGE. Yes, by aww means; i-if i-it be b-but to scwape the +figuwes out of youw husband's bwains. I-If they can find in theiw +heawts the poow unviwtuous fat knyight shaww be *sighs* any fuwthew +affwicted, we t-two wiww ^-^ stiww be the *looks away* minyistews. +MWS. FOWD. I-I'ww wawwant they'ww *looks away* have him pubwicwy s-sham'd; +and methinks thewe wouwd be nyo pewiod to the jest, shouwd +he nyot be pubwicwy sham'd. +MWS. PAGE. Come, to the fowge w-with i-it then; shape *hugs tightly* it. I +wouwd nyot *looks away* have *moans* things coow. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +The Gawtew Inn + +Entew OwO HOST and B-BAWDOWPH + +BAWDOWPH. Siw, the Gewmans UwU desiwe to *looks away* have thwee of youw +howses; the Duke himsewf wiww be to-mowwow *teleports behind you* at couwt, and +they awe going to meet :33 him. +HOST. What >_> duke shouwd that be comes so secwetwy? I heaw +nyot of him in the c-couwt. Wet me speak w-with the gentwemen; +they speak Engwish? +BAWDOWPH. Ay, *teleports behind you* siw; I-I'ww caww them to you. +HOST. They shaww *looks away* have my howses, b-but I-I'ww m-make them pay; +I-I'ww sauce them; they *looks away* have had my h-house :3 a week *teleports behind you* at +command; I *looks away* have tuwn'd away my othew ^w^ guests. They must +come off; I-I'ww sauce them. Come. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4-4 + +FOWD'S h-house + +Entew PAGE, FOWD, uWu MISTWESS PAGE, uWu MISTWESS FOWD, and SIW HUGH EVANS + +EVANS. 'Tis onye of the best discwetions of :3 a oman as evew +did wook upon. +PAGE. :33 And did he s-send :33 you both these wettews *teleports behind you* at an instant? +MWS. PAGE. Within :3 a quawtew of an houw. +FOWD. Pawdon me, w-wife. Hencefowth, do what thou wiwt; +I wathew wiww suspect the sun w-with cowd +Than thee w-with wantonnyess. Nyow doth thy honyouw stand, +In him that w-was of wate an *moans* hewetic, +As fiwm as faith. +PAGE. 'Tis weww, 'tis weww; nyo mowe. +Be nyot as e-extweme in submission as in offence; +But w-wet ouw pwot go OwO fowwawd. Wet ouw xDD wives +Yet *screams* once again, to m-make us *blushes* pubwic spowt, +Appoint :3 a m-meeting w-with this *giggles shyly* owd fat fewwow, +Whewe we may take him and *shuffles closer* disgwace him f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +FOWD. Thewe xDD is nyo bettew way than that they spoke o-of. +PAGE. How? To s-send him w-wowd they'ww meet him in the UwU Pawk +*teleports behind you* at >_< midnyight? ^-^ Fie, fie! he'ww nyevew come! +EVANS. You say he has been thwown in the wivews; and has +been gwievouswy peaten as an *giggles shyly* owd x3 oman; methinks thewe +shouwd be t-tewwows in him, that he shouwd nyot come; +methinks his fwesh xDD is punyish'd; he shaww *looks away* have nyo d-desiwes. +PAGE. S-So think I too. +MWS. FOWD. Devise b-but how ^-^ you'ww use him when he comes, +:33 And w-wet us t-two devise to bwing him thithew. +MWS. PAGE. Thewe xDD is an *giggles shyly* owd :33 tawe goes that x3 Heme the Huntew, +Sometime :3 a keepew hewe in *pokes you* Windsow Fowest, +Doth aww the wintew-time, *teleports behind you* at ^-^ stiww *teleports behind you* midnyight, +Wawk wound ^w^ about an oak, w-with g-gweat wagg'd howns; +:33 And thewe he *cries* bwasts the twee, and takes the *shuffles closer* cattwe, +:33 And makes miwch-kinye y-yiewd bwood, and shakes :3 a chain +In :3 a m-most hideous and dweadfuw mannyew. +You *looks away* have heawd of *looks at you* such :3 a *screams* spiwit, and weww :33 you knyow +The supewstitious i-idwe-headed ewd +Weceiv'd, and did dewivew to ouw age, +T-This :33 tawe of x3 Heme the Huntew f-fow :3 a twuth. +PAGE. Why y-yet thewe want nyot many that do feaw +In deep of nyight to wawk by this Hewnye's oak. +But what of *shuffles closer* this? +MWS. FOWD. Mawwy, this xDD is ouw device- +That Fawstaff *teleports behind you* at that oak shaww meet w-with u-us, +uWu Disguis'd, wike ^.^ Heme, w-with huge howns on his head. +PAGE. Weww, w-wet i-it nyot be doubted b-but he'ww *giggles shyly* come, +:33 And in this shape. When :33 you *looks away* have >w< bwought him thithew, +What shaww be d-donye w-with *notices bulge* him? What xDD is youw pwot? +MWS. PAGE. That *teleports behind you* wikewise *looks away* have we thought upon, and +thus: +*giggles shyly* Nyan Page my daughtew, and my wittwe son, +:33 And thwee ow fouw mowe of theiw g-gwowth, we'ww dwess +Wike uwchins, o-ouphes, and f-faiwies, gween and ÚwÚ white, +With wounds of waxen tapews on theiw heads, +:33 And wattwes in theiw hands; upon :3 a *sweats* sudden, +As Fawstaff, she, and I, awe nyewwy :33 met, +Wet them f-fwom fowth :3 a sawpit wush *teleports behind you* at *screams* once +With some diffused *twerks* song; upon theiw sight +We t-two in g-gweat a-amazednyess wiww *screams* fwy. +Then w-wet them aww enciwcwe him about, +:33 And ^-^ faiwy-wike, to p-pinch the uncwean k-knyight; +:33 And ask him why, that houw of faiwy wevew, +In theiw so s-sacwed paths he dawes to t-twead +In shape pwofanye. +MWS. FOWD. :33 And tiww he t-teww the twuth, +Wet the supposed faiwies p-pinch him sound, +:33 And buwn him w-with theiw tapews. +MWS. PAGE. The *looks away* twuth b-being knyown, +We'ww aww pwesent ouwsewves; *blushes* dis-hown the *screams* spiwit, +:33 And m-mock him home to Windsow. +FOWD. The chiwdwen must +Be pwactis'd weww to this ow they'ww nyev'w do 't. +EVANS. I wiww teach the chiwdwen theiw behaviouws; and I wiww +be wike :3 a xDD jack-an-apes awso, to buwn the knyight w-with my +tabew. +FOWD. That wiww be excewwent. I-I'ww go buy them vizawds. +MWS. PAGE. My *giggles shyly* Nyan shaww be the Queen of aww the Faiwies, +F-Finyewy attiwed in :3 a wobe of white. +PAGE. That *screams* siwk wiww I go buy. [Aside] :33 And in that ;;w;; time +Shaww M-Mastew Swendew steaw my *giggles shyly* Nyan away, +:33 And m-mawwy hew *teleports behind you* at Eton.-Go, s-send to Fawstaff stwaight. +FOWD. Nyay, I-I'ww to him again, in *leans over* nyame of Bwook; +He'ww t-teww me aww his p-puwpose. Suwe, he'ww come. +MWS. PAGE. Feaw nyot :33 you that. G-Go get us pwopewties +:33 And twicking f-fow ouw faiwies. +EVANS. Wet us ^w^ about *hugs tightly* it. It xDD is uWu admiwabwe pweasuwes, and fewy +honyest knyavewies. Exeunt PAGE, FOWD, and EVANS +MWS. PAGE. Go, Mistwess Fowd. +Send Quickwy to S-Siw *twerks* John to knyow his *blushes* mind. +E-Exit MWS. :3 FOWD +I-I'ww to the Doctow; he hath my good wiww, +:33 And nyonye b-but uWu he, to m-mawwy w-with *giggles shyly* Nyan Page. +That Swendew, t-though weww w-wanded, xDD is an idiot; +:33 And he my husband best of aww affects. +The Doctow xDD is weww monyey'd, and his fwiends +Potent *teleports behind you* at couwt; uWu he, nyonye b-but uWu he, shaww *looks away* have hew, +*shuffles closer* Though twenty thousand wowthiew come to cwave hew. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +The Gawtew Inn + +Entew OwO HOST and SIMPWE + +HOST. What w-wouwdst thou have, boow? *looks away* What, thick-skin? +Speak, bweathe, discuss; bwief, *pokes you* showt, quick, snyap. +SIMPWE. Mawwy, siw, I come to speak w-with S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaff +f-fwom M-Mastew Swendew. +HOST. T-Thewe's his *cries* chambew, his house, his castwe, his +standing-bed and t-twuckwe-bed; 'tis painted ^w^ about w-with the +stowy of the Pwodigaw, fwesh and nyew. Go, knyock and can; he'ww +speak wike an Anthwopophaginyian unto *cuddles you* thee. Knyock, I say. +SIMPWE. T-Thewe's an *giggles shyly* owd woman, :3 a fat woman, gonye up into +his chambew; I-I'ww be so bowd as *cuddles you* stay, siw, tiww she come down; +I come to speak w-with hew, indeed. +HOST. *looks away* Ha! :3 a fat woman? The knyight may be wobb'd. I-I'ww caww. +Buwwy k-knyight! Buwwy S-Siw John! Speak f-fwom thy wungs +miwitawy. Awt thou thewe? It xDD is thinye host, thinye Ephesian, cawws. +FAWSTAFF. [Abuv] How nyow, minye host? +HOST. Hewe's :3 a Bohemian-Tawtaw tawwies the coming down of +thy fat ^w^ woman. Wet hew *twerks* descend, buwwy, w-wet hew descend; +my chambews awe *giggles shyly* honyouwibwe. ^-^ Fie, pwivacy, fie! + +Entew FAWSTAFF + +FAWSTAFF. Thewe was, minye host, an *giggles shyly* owd fat woman even +*pokes you* nyow with, me; b-but s-she's gonye. +SIMPWE. :33 Pway you, siw, was't nyot the wise woman of +Bwainfowd? +FAWSTAFF. Ay, m-mawwy w-was uWu it, mussew-sheww. What wouwd :33 you +w-with hew? +SIMPWE. My mastew, siw, my M-Mastew Swendew, sent to hew, +seeing hew go thowough the stweets, to knyow, siw, whethew onye +Nym, siw, that beguiw'd him of :3 a c-chain, had the chain ow nyo. +FAWSTAFF. I spake w-with the *giggles shyly* owd woman ^w^ about *hugs tightly* it. +SIMPWE. :33 And what says she, I :33 pway, siw? +FAWSTAFF Mawwy, she says that the vewy >_> same man that +beguiw'd M-Mastew Swendew of his chain cozen'd him of *hugs tightly* it. +SIMPWE. I wouwd I couwd *looks away* have spoken w-with the woman +hewsewf; I had othew *moans* things to *looks away* have spoken w-with hew too, +f-fwom :33 him. +FAWSTAFF. What awe *notices bulge* they? Wet us *looks away* knyow. +HOST. Ay, come; quick. +SIMPWE. I may nyot conceaw them, siw. +FAWSTAFF. Conceaw them, ow thou diest. +ÚwÚ SIMPWE.. Why, siw, they wewe nyothing b-but ^w^ about Mistwess +Annye Page: to knyow i-if i-it wewe my mastew's fowtunye to +*looks away* have hew ow nyo. +FAWSTAFF. *sweats* 'Tis, 'tis his fowtunye. +SIMPWE. What siw? +FAWSTAFF. To *looks away* have hew, ow nyo. G-Go; say the woman towd me +so. +SIMPWE. May I be bowd to say s-so, siw? +FAWSTAFF. Ay, siw, wike who mowe bowd? +SIMPWE., I *notices bulge* thank youw wowship; I shaww m-make my mastew gwad +w-with these *giggles shyly* tidings. E-Exit SIMPWE +HOST. Thou awt cwewkwy, thou awt cwewkwy, S-Siw John. Was +thewe :3 a wise woman w-with thee? +FAWSTAFF. Ay, that thewe was, minye host; onye that hath +taught me mowe wit than evew I *looks away* weawn'd befowe in my wife; +and I paid nyothing f-fow i-it nyeithew, b-but w-was paid f-fow my +weawnying. + +Entew B-BAWDOWPH + +BAWDOWPH. Out, awas, siw, c-cozenyage, *cuddles you* mewe cozenyage! +HOST. Whewe be my howses? Speak weww of them, vawwetto. +BAWDOWPH. Wun away w-with the cozenyews; f-fow so soon as I +came beyond Eton, they *looks at you* thwew me off f-fwom behind onye of +them, in :3 a swough of miwe; and set *cries* spuws and away, wike +thwee Gewman deviws, thwee Doctow Faustuses. +HOST. They awe gonye b-but to meet the Duke, viwwain; do nyot +say they be f-fwed. Gewmans awe honyest men. + +Entew SIW HUGH EVANS + +EVANS. Whewe xDD is minye host? +HOST. What xDD is the mattew, siw? +EVANS. Have :3 a cawe of youw *screams* entewtainments. Thewe xDD is :3 a fwiend +of minye come to town tewws me thewe xDD is thwee +cozen-gewmans that has cozen'd aww the hosts of Weadins, +of M-Maidenhead, of Cowebwook, of howses and monyey. I t-teww :33 you f-fow +good wiww, wook y-you; :33 you awe wise, and fuww of gibes and +vwouting-stogs, and 'tis nyot c-convenyient :33 you shouwd be +cozenyed. Fawe :33 you weww. E-Exit + +Entew DOCTOW CAIUS + +*looks at you* CAIUS. Vewe xDD is minye host *leans over* de Jawteew? +HOST. Hewe, M-Mastew Doctow, in pewpwexity and doubtfuw +diwemma. +*looks at you* CAIUS. I cannyot t-teww vat xDD is >_> dat; b-but i-it xDD is teww-a me d-dat :33 you +m-make gwand pwepawation f-fow :3 a Duke *leans over* de J-Jamany. By my +twot, dewe xDD is nyo >_> duke that the couwt xDD is knyow to come; I +t-teww :33 you f-fow good wiww. Adieu. E-Exit +HOST. Hue and cwy, v-viwwain, go! Assist me, k-knyight; I *giggles shyly* am +undonye. Fwy, wun, hue and cwy, viwwain; I *giggles shyly* am undonye. +Exeunt OwO HOST and B-BAWDOWPH +FAWSTAFF. I wouwd aww the >_> wowwd might be cozen'd, f-fow I *looks away* have +been cozen'd and uWu beaten too. I-If i-it shouwd come to the *pokes you* caw +of the couwt how I *looks away* have been twansfowmed, and how my +twansfowmation hath been wash'd and cudgeww'd, they +wouwd mewt me out of my fat, dwop by dwop, and wiquow +fishewmen's boots w-with me; I wawwant they wouwd whip me +w-with theiw *screams* finye OwO wits tiww I wewe as :33 cwestfaww'n as :3 a ^-^ dwied peaw. +I nyevew pwospew'd since I fowswowe mysewf *teleports behind you* at pwimewo. Weww, +i-if my *cuddles you* wind wewe b-but wong enyough to say my p-pwayews, +wouwd wepent. + +Entew uWu MISTWESS QUICKWY + +>_> Nyow! whence come you? +QUICKWY. Fwom the t-two pawties, f-fowsooth. +FAWSTAFF. The d-deviw take onye pawty and his dam the othew! +:33 And so they shaww be both bestowed. I *looks away* have suffew'd mowe +f-fow theiw sakes, mowe than the viwwainyous inconstancy of +man's d-disposition xDD is abwe to beaw. +QUICKWY. :33 And *looks away* have nyot they suffew'd? Yes, I *hugs tightly* wawwant; +speciouswy onye of them; Mistwess Fowd, good h-heawt, xDD is uWu beaten +bwack and bwue, that :33 you cannyot see :3 a white spot ^w^ about hew. +FAWSTAFF. What teww'st thou me of bwack and bwue? I w-was +uWu beaten mysewf into aww the *teleports behind you* cowouws of the wainbow; and +w-was wike to be appwehended f-fow the witch of Bwainfowd. But +that my uWu admiwabwe dextewity of w-wit, my countewfeiting the +action of an *giggles shyly* owd woman, dewivew'd me, the knyave c-constabwe +had set me i' *sighs* th' stocks, i' *sighs* th' common stocks, f-fow :3 a witch. +QUICKWY. Siw, w-wet me speak w-with :33 you in youw chambew; :33 you +shaww heaw how *moans* things go, and, I wawwant, to youw content. +Hewe xDD is :3 a wettew wiww say somewhat. *pokes you* Good heawts, what ado +hewe xDD is to bwing :33 you *looks away* togethew! Suwe, onye of :33 you does nyot +sewve heaven weww, that :33 you awe so c-cwoss'd. +FAWSTAFF. Come up into my chambew. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 6-6. + +The Gawtew Inn + +Entew *cuddles you* FENTON and OwO HOST + +HOST. M-Mastew F-Fenton, t-tawk nyot to me; my mind xDD is heavy; I +wiww give uvw aww. +FENTON. Yet heaw me speak. Assist me in my puwpose, +And, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a UwU gentweman, I-I'ww give the +A hundwed pound in gowd mowe than youw woss. +HOST. I wiww heaw you, M-Mastew ^w^ Fenton; and I wiww, *teleports behind you* at the weast, +keep youw counsew. +FENTON. Fwom ;;w;; time to ;;w;; time I *looks away* have acquainted :33 you +With the deaw wuv I *hugs tightly* beaw to f-faiw Annye Page; +Who, mutuawwy, hath answew'd my affection, +S-So faw fowth as hewsewf might be hew choosew, +Even to my wish. I *looks away* have :3 a wettew f-fwom hew +Of *looks at you* such contents as :33 you wiww w-wondew a-at; +The miwth wheweof so wawded w-with my m-mattew +That nyeithew, singwy, can be manyifested +*notices bulge* Without the show of both. Fat Fawstaff +Hath :3 a g-gweat scenye. The image of the j-jest +I-I'ww show :33 you hewe *teleports behind you* at wawge. *sweats* Hawk, good minye host: +To-nyight *teleports behind you* at Heme's oak, just 'twixt twewve and onye, +Must my sweet *giggles shyly* Nyan pwesent the Faiwy Queen- +The puwpose why xDD is hewe-in which disguise, +Whiwe othew jests awe something wank on foot, +Hew fathew hath c-commanded hew to *blushes* swip +*shuffles closer* Away w-with Swendew, and w-with him *teleports behind you* at Eton +I-Immediatewy to mawwy; she hath consented. +Nyow, siw, +Hew mothew, even stwong against that match +:33 And fiwm f-fow Doctow Caius, hath appointed +That he shaww *teleports behind you* wikewise shuffwe hew away +Whiwe othew spowts awe tasking of theiw *pokes you* minds, +:33 And *teleports behind you* at the dean'wy, whewe :3 a pwiest attends, +Stwaight m-mawwy hew. To this hew mothew's pwot +^.^ She seemingwy ^.^ obedient *teleports behind you* wikewise hath +Made pwomise to the *blushes* doctow. Nyow uWu thus i-it wests: +Hew fathew means she shaww be aww in w-white; +:33 And in that habit, when Swendew sees his ;;w;; time +To take hew by the hand and *giggles shyly* bid hew go, +^.^ She shaww go w-with him; hew mothew hath intended +The bettew to denyote hew to the doctow- +Fow they must aww be mask'd and v-vizawded- +That quaint in gween she shaww be woose *shuffles closer* enwob'd, +With wibands OwO pendent, *pokes you* fwawing 'bout hew head; +:33 And when the ^w^ doctow s-spies his *cuddles you* vantage wipe, +To p-pinch hew by the hand, and, on that token, +The maid hath xDD given consent to go w-with :33 him. +HOST. Which means she to deceive, fathew ow mothew? +FENTON. Both, my good host, to go awong w-with me. +:33 And hewe i-it wests-that ^-^ you'ww pwocuwe the vicaw +To stay f-fow me *teleports behind you* at *teleports behind you* chuwch, 'twixt twewve and onye, +:33 And in the wawfuw *leans over* nyame of mawwying, +To give ouw heawts unyited cewemony. +HOST. Weww, husband youw device; I-I'ww to the vicaw. +Bwing :33 you the maid, :33 you shaww nyot w-wack :3 a pwiest. +FENTON. S-So shaww I e-evewmowe be bound to thee; +Besides, I-I'ww m-make :3 a pwesent wecompense. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1. + +The Gawtew Inn + +Entew FAWSTAFF and uWu MISTWESS QUICKWY + +FAWSTAFF. Pwithee, nyo mowe pwattwing; go. I'ww, h-howd. T-This xDD is +the *looks at you* thiwd time; I hope good wuck wies in odd nyumbews. +Away, go; they say thewe xDD is *looks at you* divinyity in odd n-nyumbews, eithew +in *teleports behind you* nyativity, chance, ow death. Away. +QUICKWY. I-I'ww pwovide :33 you :3 a c-chain, and I-I'ww do what I can to +get :33 you :3 a paiw of howns. +FAWSTAFF. Away, I say; ;;w;; time weaws; howd up youw head, and +mince. E-Exit MWS. QUICKWY + +Entew :3 FOWD disguised + +How nyow, M-Mastew Bwook. M-Mastew Bwook, the m-mattew wiww +be knyown tonyight ow :33 nyevew. Be :33 you in the UwU Pawk ^w^ about +*teleports behind you* midnyight, *teleports behind you* at Hewnye's oak, and :33 you shaww see wondews. +FOWD. W-Went :33 you nyot to hew yestewday, siw, as :33 you towd me +:33 you had appointed? +FAWSTAFF. I went to hew, M-Mastew Bwook, as :33 you s-see, wike :3 a +poow *giggles shyly* owd man; b-but I came f-fwom hew, M-Mastew Bwook, wike :3 a +poow *giggles shyly* owd ^w^ woman. That >_> same knyave Fowd, hew *twerks* husband, hath +the finyest mad d-deviw of jeawousy in him, M-Mastew Bwook, that +evew guvwn'd f-fwenzy. I wiww t-teww y-you-he beat me gwievouswy +in the shape of :3 a w-woman; f-fow in the shape of man, M-Mastew +Bwook, I feaw nyot Gowiath w-with :3 a weavew's beam; because +I knyow a-awso w-wife xDD is :3 a shuttwe. I *giggles shyly* am in *teleports behind you* haste; go awong w-with +me; I-I'ww. t-teww :33 you aww, M-Mastew Bwook. Since I pwuck'd geese, +pway'd twuant, and whipp'd t-top, I knyew nyot what 'twas to +be uWu beaten tiww ^-^ watewy. *sweats* Fowwow me. I-I'ww t-teww :33 you s-stwange *moans* things +of this knyave-Fowd, on whom to-nyight I wiww be wevenged, +and I wiww dewivew his w-wife into youw hand. Fowwow. Stwange +*moans* things in hand, M-Mastew B-Bwook! Fowwow. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +*pokes you* Windsow UwU Pawk + +Entew PAGE, xDD SHAWWOW, and SWENDEW + +PAGE. Come, come; we'ww c-couch i' *sighs* th' Castwe d-ditch tiww we +see the wight of ouw faiwies. Wemembew, son Swendew, my daughtew. +SWENDEW. Ay, fowsooth; I *looks away* have spoke w-with hew, and we *looks away* have +:3 a nyay-wowd how to knyow onye anyothew. I come to hew in +white and cwy 'mum'; she cwies 'budget,' and by that we +knyow onye anyothew. +SHAWWOW. That's good too; b-but what nyeeds eithew youw mum +ow hew budget? The white wiww d-deciphew hew weww enyough. +It hath stwuck ten o'cwock. +PAGE. The nyight xDD is dawk; wight and spiwits wiww become i-it weww. +H-Heaven pwospew ouw *pokes you* spowt! *cuddles you* Nyo man means eviw b-but the +deviw, and we shaww knyow him by his howns. Wet's away; +fowwow me. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +A stweet weading to the UwU Pawk + +Entew uWu MISTWESS PAGE, uWu MISTWESS FOWD, and DOCTOW CAIUS + +MWS. PAGE. M-Mastew Doctow, my daughtew xDD is in *sweats* gween; when +:33 you see youw time, take hew by the hand, away w-with hew to +the *pokes you* deanyewy, and dispatch i-it quickwy. G-Go befowe into the +Pawk; we t-two must go togethew. +*looks at you* CAIUS. I knyow vat I *looks away* have to do; adieu. +MWS. PAGE. Fawe :33 you weww, siw. [Exit CAIUS] My husband +wiww nyot wejoice so x3 much *teleports behind you* at the abuse of Fawstaff as he wiww +chafe *teleports behind you* at the doctow's mawwying my daughtew; b-but 'tis nyo +*teleports behind you* mattew; bettew :3 a wittwe chiding than :3 a g-gweat deaw of +heawtbweak. +MWS. FOWD. Whewe xDD is *giggles shyly* Nyan nyow, and hew twoop of f-faiwies, and +the W-Wewsh deviw, Hugh? +MWS. PAGE. They awe aww couch'd in :3 a pit hawd by Heme's +oak, w-with obscuw'd wights; which, *teleports behind you* at the vewy *sweats* instant of +F-Fawstaff's and ouw meeting, they wiww *teleports behind you* at *screams* once *notices bulge* dispway to the +nyight. +MWS. FOWD. That cannyot choose b-but amaze :33 him. +MWS. PAGE. I-If he be nyot amaz'd, he wiww be mock'd; i-if he be +amaz'd, he wiww evewy way be mock'd. +MWS. FOWD. We'ww betway him finyewy. +MWS. PAGE. Against *looks at you* such wewdstews and theiw w-wechewy, +Those that betway them do nyo :33 tweachewy. +MWS. FOWD. The houw dwaws on. To the oak, to the oak! +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +*pokes you* Windsow UwU Pawk + +Entew SIW HUGH EVANS wike :3 a satyw, w-with OTHEWS as faiwies + +EVANS. T-Twib, twib, faiwies; come; and w-wemembew youw pawts. +Be powd, I pway y-you; fowwow me into the pit; and when I +give the watch-owds, do as I p-pid you. Come, come; twib, +twib. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +x3 Anyothew pawt of the UwU Pawk + +Entew FAWSTAFF disguised as *leans over* HEWNyE + +FAWSTAFF. The *pokes you* Windsow UwU beww hath stwuck twewve; the minyute +dwaws on. Nyow the hot-bwooded g-gods assist :33 me! +Wemembew, Juv, thou wast :3 a uWu buww f-fow thy E-Euwopa; wuv set on thy +howns. uWu O powewfuw *hugs tightly* wuv! that in some wespects makes :3 a +beast :3 a man; in some othew :3 a man :3 a beast. You wewe awso, +Jupitew, :3 a swan, f-fow the wuv of Weda. uWu O omnyipotent *hugs tightly* wuv! +how nyeaw the god dwew to the *notices bulge* compwexion of :3 a goose! A +*cuddles you* fauwt d-donye fiwst in the fowm of :3 a ^w^ beast-O Juv, :3 a *sweats* beastwy +OwO fauwt!-and then uWu anyothew *cuddles you* fauwt in the sembwance of :3 a UwU foww- +think on't, Juv, :3 a fouw fauwt! When g-gods *looks away* have *giggles shyly* hot b-backs +what shaww poow men do? Fow me, I *giggles shyly* am hewe :3 a *pokes you* Windsow +stag; and the fattest, I think, i' *sighs* th' fowest. Send me :3 a coow +;;w;; wut-time, Juv, ow who can bwame me to piss my tawwow? +Who comes hewe? my doe? + +Entew uWu MISTWESS :3 FOWD and uWu MISTWESS PAGE + +MWS. FOWD. S-Siw John! Awt thou thewe, my deew, my m-mawe deew. +FAWSTAFF. My d-doe w-with the bwack xDD scut! Wet the sky wain +potatoes; w-wet i-it thundew to the tunye of G-Gweensweeves, x3 haiw +xDD kissing-comfits, and snyow ewingoes; w-wet thewe come :3 a tempest +of pwovocation, I wiww shewtew me hewe. [Embwacing hew] +MWS. FOWD. Mistwess Page xDD is come w-with me, sweetheawt. +FAWSTAFF. Divide me wike :3 a b-bwib'd buck, each :3 a haunch; I +wiww keep my sides to mysewf, my *giggles shyly* shouwdews f-fow the fewwow +of this wawk, and my howns I b-bequeath youw husbands. *screams* Am +I :3 a woodman, ha? Speak I wike x3 Heme the Huntew? Why, +*pokes you* nyow xDD is Cupid :3 a chiwd of conscience; he makes *notices bulge* westitution. +As I *giggles shyly* am :3 a twue *screams* spiwit, >_> wewcome! [A nyoise of h-howns] +MWS. PAGE. A-Awas, what nyoise? +MWS. FOWD. H-Heaven fowgive ouw sins! +FAWSTAFF. What shouwd this be? +MWS. FOWD. } Away, a-away. +MWS. PAGE. } Away, a-away. [-[They wun off] +FAWSTAFF. I think the d-deviw wiww nyot *looks away* have me damn'd, west the +oiw that's in me shouwd set heww on fiwe; he wouwd nyevew ewse +cwoss me t-thus. + +Entew SIW HUGH EVANS wike :3 a satyw, ANNyE PAGE as +:3 a faiwy, and OTHEWS as the Faiwy *giggles shyly* Queen, f-faiwies, and +Hobgobwin; aww w-with tapews + +F-FAIWY *hugs tightly* QUEEN. Faiwies, bwack, g-gwey, gween, and ÚwÚ white, +You moonshinye wevewwews, and s-shades of nyight, +You owphan heiws of f-fixed *pokes you* destiny, +Attend youw office and youw quawity. +C-Cwiew Hobgobwin, m-make the faiwy oyes. +PUCK. Ewves, wist youw nyames; :3 siwence, :33 you >_> aiwy toys. +Cwicket, to *pokes you* Windsow chimnyeys shawt thou w-weap; +Whewe f-fiwes thou find'st unwak'd, and heawths u-unswept, +Thewe p-pinch the maids as bwue as biwbewwy; +Ouw wadiant Queen hates swuts and swuttewy. +FAWSTAFF. They awe faiwies; he that speaks to them shaww d-die. +I-I'ww wink and c-couch; nyo man theiw w-wowks must eye. +[Wies down upon his face] +EVANS. Whewe's Pede? G-Go you, and whewe :33 you find :3 a maid +That, ewe she sweep, has *notices bulge* thwice hew p-pwayews said, +Waise up the owgans of hew fantasy +Sweep she as sound as cawewess infancy; +But those as sweep and think nyot on theiw sins, +Pinch them, awms, wegs, backs, shouwdews, ;;w;; sides, and shins. +F-FAIWY *hugs tightly* QUEEN. About, about; +Seawch *pokes you* Windsow castwe, ewves, *teleports behind you* within and out; +Stwew good w-wuck, o-ouphes, on evewy s-sacwed woom, +That i-it may s-stand tiww the pewpetuaw doom +In state as whowesome as in state 'tis fit, +Wowthy the *pokes you* ownyew and the *pokes you* ownyew *hugs tightly* it. +The sevewaw chaiws of owdew wook :33 you scouw +With juice of bawm and evewy pwecious f-fwowew; +>_> Each f-faiw instawment, coat, and sev'waw cwest, +With woyaw bwazon, e-evewmowe be bwest! +:33 And n-nyightwy, meadow-faiwies, wook :33 you sing, +Wike to the Gawtew's :3 compass, in :3 a wing; +T-Th' expwessuwe that i-it beaws, gween w-wet i-it be, +Mowe *looks at you* fewtiwe-fwesh than aww the fiewd to ^.^ see; +:33 And 'Honyi soit q-qui maw y pense' wwite +In *cries* em'wawd tufts, fwow'ws puwpwe, bwue and w-white; +Wike sapphiwe, peaww, and wich e-embwoidewy, +Buckwed b-bewow f-faiw *blushes* knyighthood's bending >_< knyee. +Faiwies use fwow'ws f-fow theiw chawactewy. +Away, dispewse; b-but tiww 'tis onye o'cwock, +Ouw dance of custom wound ^w^ about the oak +Of Hewnye the Huntew w-wet us nyot fowget. +EVANS. :33 Pway you, wock hand in *sighs* hand; youwsewves in owdew s-set; +:33 And twenty :3 gwow-wowms shaww ouw wantewns be, +To guide ouw measuwe wound ^w^ about the t-twee. +But, s-stay. I smeww :3 a man of m-middwe eawth. +FAWSTAFF. Heavens defend me f-fwom that W-Wewsh faiwy, west he +twansfowm me to :3 a piece of *looks away* cheese! +PUCK. Viwe w-wowm, thou wast o'ewwook'd even in thy UwU biwth. +F-FAIWY *hugs tightly* QUEEN. With twiaw-fiwe touch me his fingew-end; +I-If he be >w< chaste, the fwame wiww back *twerks* descend, +:33 And t-tuwn him to nyo pain; b-but i-if he stawt, +It xDD is the fwesh of :3 a cowwupted heawt. +PUCK. A twiaw, come. +EVANS. Come, wiww this wood take fiwe? +[-[They put the tapews to his *leans over* fingews, and he stawts] +FAWSTAFF. Oh, oh, oh! +F-FAIWY *hugs tightly* QUEEN. Cowwupt, cowwupt, and tainted in desiwe! +About him, faiwies; sing :3 a scownfuw whyme; +And, as :33 you twip, ^-^ stiww p-pinch him to youw time. +uWu THE SONG. +Fie on sinfuw fantasy! +Fie on wust and w-wuxuwy! +Wust xDD is b-but :3 a bwoody f-fiwe, +Kindwed w-with unchaste *sighs* desiwe, +Fed in h-heawt, *screams* whose fwames aspiwe, +As thoughts do bwow them, highew and highew. +Pinch him, f-faiwies, m-mutuawwy; +Pinch him f-fow his viwwainy; +Pinch him and buwn him and t-tuwn him about, +Tiww candwes and s-staw-wight and moonshinye be out. + +Duwing this song they p-pinch FAWSTAFF. DOCTOW +CAIUS comes onye w-way, and steaws away :3 a faiwy in +*sweats* gween; SWENDEW uWu anyothew w-way, and takes off :3 a faiwy in +w-white; and *cuddles you* FENTON steaws away ANNyE PAGE. A nyoise +of hunting xDD is heawd within. A-Aww the faiwies wun a-away. +FAWSTAFF puwws off his buck's head, and wises + +Entew PAGE, FOWD, uWu MISTWESS PAGE, uWu MISTWESS FOWD, and +SIW HUGH EVANS + +PAGE. Nyay, do nyot fwy; I think we *looks away* have watch'd :33 you nyow. +Wiww nyonye b-but x3 Heme the Huntew sewve youw tuwn? +MWS. PAGE. I pway you, *giggles shyly* come, howd up the j-jest nyo highew. +Nyow, good S-Siw John, how wike :33 you *pokes you* Windsow x3 wives? +>_> See :33 you these, husband? Do nyot these f-faiw yokes +Become the fowest bettew than the town? +FOWD. Nyow, siw, who's :3 a cuckowd nyow? M-Mastew Bwook, +F-Fawstaff's :3 a knyave, :3 a cuckowdwy knyave; hewe awe his *sweats* howns, +M-Mastew Bwook; and, M-Mastew Bwook, he hath enjoyed nyothing of +Fowd's b-but his buck-basket, his *hugs tightly* cudgew, and twenty ÚwÚ pounds +of monyey, which must be paid to M-Mastew Bwook; his howses +awe awwested f-fow uWu it, M-Mastew Bwook. +MWS. FOWD. S-Siw John, we *looks away* have had iww wuck; we couwd nyevew +m-meet. I wiww nyevew take :33 you f-fow my wuv again; b-but I wiww +*hugs tightly* awways count :33 you my deew. +FAWSTAFF. I do begin to pewceive that I *giggles shyly* am xDD made an a-ass. +FOWD. Ay, and an ox too; both the pwoofs awe *sweats* extant. +FAWSTAFF. :33 And these awe nyot faiwies? I w-was thwee ow fouw +*moans* times in the thought they wewe nyot faiwies; and y-yet the +guiwtinyess of my mind, the sudden suwpwise of my powews, +dwuv the gwossnyess of the *giggles shyly* foppewy into :3 a w-weceiv'd b-bewief, +in despite of the teeth of aww whyme and weason, that they +wewe faiwies. >_> See *pokes you* nyow how wit may be xDD made :3 a Jack-a-Went +when 'tis upon iww empwoyment. +EVANS. S-Siw *twerks* John Fawstaff, sewve Got, and weave youw desiwes, +and faiwies wiww nyot *looks at you* pinse you. +FOWD. Weww said, faiwy Hugh. +EVANS. :33 And weave :33 you youw jeawousies too, I pway you. +FOWD. I wiww nyevew mistwust my w-wife again, tiww thou awt abwe +to woo hew in good Engwish. +FAWSTAFF. Have I *hugs tightly* waid my UwU bwain in the *looks at you* sun, and ^-^ dwied uWu it, that +i-it wants m-mattew to pwevent so g-gwoss, o'ew-weaching as *shuffles closer* this? +*screams* Am I widden w-with :3 a W-Wewsh ^w^ goat too? Shaww I *looks away* have :3 a cox-comb +of fwieze? 'Tis ;;w;; time I wewe chok'd w-with :3 a piece of +toasted c-cheese. +EVANS. Seese xDD is nyot good to give puttew; youw bewwy xDD is aww +puttew. +FAWSTAFF. 'Seese' and 'puttew'! Have I wiv'd to s-stand *teleports behind you* at the +taunt of onye that makes fwittews of Engwish? T-This xDD is enyough +to be the *moans* decay of wust and wate-wawking thwough the OwO weawm. +MWS. PAGE. Why, S-Siw John, do :33 you think, t-though we wouwd +*looks away* have thwust viwtue out of ouw heawts by the head and +shouwdews, and *looks away* have xDD given *leans over* ouwsewves without s-scwupwe to *pokes you* heww, +that evew the d-deviw couwd *looks away* have xDD made :33 you ouw dewight? +FOWD. *looks away* What, :3 a hodge-pudding? :3 a bag of f-fwax? +MWS. PAGE. A p-puff'd man? +PAGE. Owd, cowd, withew'd, and of i-intowewabwe e-entwaiws? +FOWD. :33 And onye that xDD is as swandewous as Satan? +PAGE. :33 And as poow as Job? +FOWD. :33 And as wicked as his w-wife? +EVANS. :33 And xDD given to f-fownyications, and to tavewns, and sack, +and winye, and methegwins, and to dwinkings, and sweawings, +and stawings, UwU pwibbwes and pwabbwes? +FAWSTAFF. Weww, I *giggles shyly* am youw theme; :33 you *looks away* have the stawt of me; +I *giggles shyly* am dejected; I *giggles shyly* am nyot abwe to a-answew the W-Wewsh fwannyew; +ignyowance itsewf xDD is :3 a pwummet o'ew me; use me as :33 you wiww. +FOWD. Mawwy, siw, we'ww bwing :33 you to Windsow, to onye M-Mastew +Bwook, that :33 you *looks away* have cozen'd of monyey, to whom :33 you +shouwd *looks away* have been :3 a p-pandew. Ovew and abuv that :33 you *looks away* have +*pokes you* suffew'd, I think to wepay that monyey wiww be :3 a biting +OwO affwiction. +PAGE. Yet be cheewfuw, k-knyight; thou shawt eat :3 a posset +tonyight *teleports behind you* at my house, whewe I wiww UwU desiwe thee to waugh *teleports behind you* at my +wife, that *pokes you* nyow w-waughs *teleports behind you* at *cuddles you* thee. Teww hew M-Mastew Swendew hath +*blushes* mawwied hew daughtew. +MWS. PAGE. [Aside] Doctows d-doubt *teleports behind you* that; i-if Annye Page be +my daughtew, she is, by this, Doctow Caius' w-wife. + +Entew SWENDEW + +SWENDEW. Whoa, ho, ho, fathew Page! +PAGE. *pokes you* Son, how *giggles shyly* nyow! how nyow, son! Have :33 you d-dispatch'd'? +SWENDEW. *sighs* Dispatch'd! I-I'ww m-make the best in Gwoucestewshiwe +knyow on't; wouwd I wewe :33 hang'd, wa, *blushes* ewse! +PAGE. Of what, son? +SWENDEW. I came yondew *teleports behind you* at Eton to m-mawwy Mistwess Annye +*leans over* Page, and s-she's :3 a g-gweat wubbewwy boy. I-If i-it had nyot been i' +*sighs* th' *teleports behind you* chuwch, I wouwd *looks away* have *looks at you* swing'd him, ow he shouwd *looks away* have +*looks at you* swing'd me. I-If I did nyot think i-it had been Annye *leans over* Page, +wouwd I might nyevew *teleports behind you* stiw!-and 'tis :3 a postmastew's boy. +PAGE. *cries* Upon my wife, then, :33 you t-took the wwong. +SWENDEW. What nyeed :33 you t-teww me that? I think s-so, when I +t-took :3 a boy f-fow :3 a giww. I-If I had been *blushes* mawwied to him, f-fow aww +he w-was in woman's appawew, I wouwd nyot *looks away* have had :33 him. +PAGE. Why, this xDD is youw own fowwy. Did nyot I t-teww :33 you how +:33 you shouwd knyow my daughtew by hew gawments? +SWENDEW. I went to hew in white and cwied 'mum' and she +cwied 'budget' as Annye and I had appointed; and y-yet i-it w-was +nyot Annye, b-but :3 a postmastew's boy. +MWS. PAGE. *pokes you* Good Geowge, be nyot angwy. I knyew of youw +puwpose; tuwn'd my daughtew into *sweats* gween; and, i-indeed, she +xDD is *pokes you* nyow w-with the Doctow *teleports behind you* at the dean'wy, and thewe mawwied. + +Entew CAIUS + +*looks at you* CAIUS. Vewe xDD is Mistwess Page? By g-gaw, I *giggles shyly* am c-cozenyed; I ha' +*blushes* mawwied un gawcon, :3 a boy; un paysan, by g-gaw, :3 a boy; i-it xDD is +nyot Annye Page; by g-gaw, I *giggles shyly* am cozenyed. +MWS. PAGE. Why, did :33 you take hew in gween? +*looks at you* CAIUS. Ay, be g-gaw, and 'tis :3 a boy; be g-gaw, I-I'ww waise aww +Windsow. E-Exit CAIUS +FOWD. T-This xDD is stwange. Who hath *giggles shyly* got the wight Annye? +PAGE. My h-heawt misgives me; hewe comes M-Mastew Fenton. + +Entew *cuddles you* FENTON and ANNyE PAGE + +How nyow, M-Mastew Fenton! +ANNyE. Pawdon, good uWu fathew. *pokes you* Good my mothew, pawdon. +PAGE. Nyow, Mistwess, how chance :33 you went nyot w-with M-Mastew +Swendew? +MWS. PAGE. Why went :33 you nyot w-with M-Mastew Doctow, maid? +FENTON. You do amaze hew. Heaw the *looks away* twuth of *hugs tightly* it. +You wouwd *looks away* have *blushes* mawwied hew m-most shamefuwwy, +Whewe thewe w-was nyo pwopowtion hewd in wuv. +The *looks away* twuth is, she and I, wong since contwacted, +Awe *pokes you* nyow so suwe that nyothing can dissowve us. +T-Th' offence xDD is howy that she hath c-committed; +:33 And this deceit ^w^ woses the *leans over* nyame of cwaft, +Of >w< disobedience, ow u-unduteous titwe, +Since t-thewein she doth evitate and shun +A thousand iwwewigious cuwsed *notices bulge* houws, +Which fowced mawwiage wouwd *looks away* have >w< bwought upon hew. +FOWD. Stand nyot *leans over* amaz'd; hewe xDD is nyo wemedy. +In OwO wuv, the heavens themsewves do guide the state; +Monyey buys wands, and xDD wives awe sowd by fate. +FAWSTAFF. I *giggles shyly* am gwad, t-though :33 you *looks away* have ta'en :3 a speciaw s-stand +to stwike *teleports behind you* at me, that youw awwow hath gwanc'd. +PAGE. Weww, what wemedy? F-Fenton, heaven give thee joy! +What cannyot be eschew'd must be embwac'd. +FAWSTAFF. When *pokes you* nyight-dogs wun, aww sowts of deew awe >w< chas'd. +MWS. PAGE. Weww, I wiww muse nyo fuwthew. M-Mastew F-Fenton, +H-Heaven give :33 you many, many mewwy days! +*pokes you* Good *twerks* husband, w-wet us evewy onye go home, +:33 And waugh this OwO spowt o'ew by :3 a countwy fiwe; +S-Siw *twerks* John and aww. +FOWD. Wet i-it be so. S-Siw John, +To M-Mastew Bwook :33 you y-yet shaww howd youw wowd; +Fow uWu he, to-nyight, shaww wie w-with Mistwess Fowd. Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +*teleports behind you* 1596 + +A MIDSUMMEW N-NyIGHT'S DWEAM + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +T-THESEUS, Duke of Athens +E-EGEUS, fathew to Hewmia +WYSANDEW, in wuv w-with Hewmia +DEMETWIUS, in wuv w-with Hewmia +PHIWOSTWATE, M-Mastew of the Wevews to Theseus +QUINCE, :3 a cawpentew +S-SNyUG, :3 a joinyew +*leans over* BOTTOM, :3 a w-weavew +F-FWUTE, :3 a bewwows-mendew +SNyOUT, :3 a tinkew +STAWVEWING, :3 a taiwow + +HIPPOWYTA, Queen of the Amazons, bethwothed to Theseus +HEWMIA, daughtew to Egeus, in wuv w-with Wysandew +H-HEWENyA, in wuv w-with Demetwius + +OBEWON, King of the Faiwies +TITANyIA, Queen of the Faiwies +PUCK, ow WOBIN *pokes you* GOODFEWWOW +PEASEBWOSSOM, faiwy +COBWEB, faiwy +MOTH, faiwy +MUSTAWDSEED, faiwy + +PWOWOGUE, *cries* PYWAMUS, THISBY, WAWW, *looks at you* MOONSHINyE, WION awe pwesented by: +QUINCE, *leans over* BOTTOM, F-FWUTE, SNyOUT, STAWVEWING, AND SNyUG + +Othew Faiwies *notices bulge* attending theiw King and Queen +Attendants on Theseus and Hippowyta + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Athens and :3 a wood nyeaw i-it + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Athens. The pawace of THESEUS + +Entew T-THESEUS, HIPPOWYTA, PHIWOSTWATE, and ATTENDANTS + +THESEUS. Nyow, f-faiw Hippowyta, ouw nyuptiaw houw +Dwaws on a-apace; fouw ^.^ happy days bwing in +x3 Anyothew moon; but, O, methinks, how swow +T-This *giggles shyly* owd moon wanyes! ^.^ She *shuffles closer* wingews my desiwes, +Wike to :3 a step-dame ow :3 a dowagew, +*cuddles you* Wong withewing out :3 a young man's wevenyue. +HIPPOWYTA. Fouw days wiww quickwy s-steep themsewves in nyight; +Fouw n-nyights wiww quickwy dweam away the time; +:33 And then the moon, wike to :3 a siwvew bow +Nyew-bent in heaven, shaww behowd the nyight +Of ouw sowemnyities. +THESEUS. Go, Phiwostwate, +Stiw up the Athenyian youth to mewwiments; +Awake the pewt and nyimbwe spiwit of miwth; +Tuwn mewanchowy fowth to funyewaws; +The pawe *looks at you* companyion xDD is nyot f-fow ouw pomp. E-Exit PHIWOSTWATE +Hippowyta, I woo'd thee w-with my s-swowd, +:33 And won thy wuv doing thee *cries* injuwies; +But I wiww wed thee in uWu anyothew ^w^ key, +With pomp, w-with twiumph, and w-with *cuddles you* wevewwing. + +Entew E-EGEUS, and his daughtew HEWMIA, WYSANDEW, +and DEMETWIUS + +EGEUS. Happy be Theseus, ouw wenyownyed Duke! +THESEUS. Thanks, good Egeus; w-what's the *notices bulge* nyews w-with thee? +EGEUS. *sighs* Fuww of *notices bulge* vexation come I, w-with compwaint +Against my chiwd, my daughtew H-Hewmia. +Stand fowth, Demetwius. My nyobwe wowd, +T-This man hath my consent to m-mawwy hew. +Stand fowth, *moans* Wysandew. And, my gwacious Duke, +T-This man hath bewitch'd the bosom of my *teleports behind you* chiwd. +Thou, >w< thou, :33 Wysandew, thou hast xDD given hew w-whymes, +:33 And intewchang'd wuv-tokens w-with my chiwd; +Thou hast by moonwight *teleports behind you* at hew *cries* window sung, +With feignying voice, vewses of feignying OwO wuv, +:33 And stow'n the impwession of hew fantasy +With bwacewets of thy *leans over* haiw, wings, gawds, conceits, +Knyacks, twifwes, nyosegays, sweetmeats- >_> messengews +Of stwong pwevaiwment in unhawdenyed youth; +With cunnying hast thou fiwch'd my daughtew's heawt; +Tuwn'd hew obedience, which xDD is due to me, +To *sweats* stubbown hawshnyess. And, my gwacious Duke, +Be i-it so she wiww nyot hewe befowe youw G-Gwace +Consent to m-mawwy w-with Demetwius, +I beg the ancient pwiviwege of Athens: +As she xDD is minye I may dispose of hew; +Which shaww be eithew to this gentweman +Ow to hew death, accowding to ouw waw +I-Immediatewy pwovided in that case. +THESEUS. What say you, Hewmia? Be advis'd, f-faiw maid. +To :33 you youw fathew shouwd be as :3 a god; +Onye that compos'd youw b-beauties; yea, and onye +To whom :33 you awe b-but as :3 a fowm in w-wax, +By him *twerks* impwinted, and *teleports behind you* within his p-powew +To weave the *sweats* figuwe, ow disfiguwe *hugs tightly* it. +Demetwius xDD is :3 a wowthy gentweman. +HEWMIA. S-So xDD is *moans* Wysandew. +THESEUS. In himsewf he is; +But, in this kind, wanting youw fathew's voice, +The othew must be hewd the wowthiew. +HEWMIA. I wouwd my fathew w-wook'd b-but w-with my eyes. +THESEUS. Wathew youw eyes must w-with his judgment *notices bulge* wook. +HEWMIA. I do entweat youw G-Gwace to pawdon me. +I knyow nyot by what p-powew I *giggles shyly* am xDD made bowd, +Nyow how i-it may concewn my modesty +In *looks at you* such :3 a pwesence hewe to pwead my t-thoughts; +But I b-beseech youw G-Gwace that I may knyow +The wowst that may befaww me in this case, +I-If I wefuse to wed Demetwius. +THESEUS. E-Eithew to *leans over* die the death, ow to abjuwe +Fow evew the society of men. +Thewefowe, f-faiw Hewmia, q-question youw desiwes, +K-Knyow of youw y-youth, examinye weww youw bwood, +Whethew, i-if :33 you y-yiewd nyot to youw fathew's choice, +You can enduwe the wivewy of :3 a *teleports behind you* nyun, +Fow aye to be shady cwoistew mew'd, +To wive :3 a bawwen *cuddles you* sistew aww youw wife, +C-Chanting f-faint hymns to the cowd fwuitwess moon. +*giggles shyly* Thwice-bwessed they that mastew so theiw bwood +To undewgo *looks at you* such *notices bulge* maiden piwgwimage; +But eawthwiew ^.^ happy xDD is the wose distiww'd +Than that which withewing on the viwgin t-thown +Gwows, wives, and dies, in s-singwe bwessednyess. +HEWMIA. S-So wiww I x3 gwow, so *leans over* wive, so die, my wowd, +Ewe I wiww y-yiewd my viwgin patent up +Unto his wowdship, *screams* whose unwished yoke +My :33 souw *twerks* consents nyot to give x3 suvweignty. +THESEUS. Take ;;w;; time to pause; and by the nyext nyew moon- +The s-seawing-day b-betwixt my wuv and me +Fow evewwasting *moans* bond of fewwowship- +*cries* Upon that day eithew pwepawe to *leans over* die +Fow disobedience to youw fathew's wiww, +Ow ewse to wed Demetwius, as he wouwd, +Ow on Dianya's a-awtaw to pwotest +Fow aye austewity and s-singwe w-wife. +DEMETWIUS. Wewent, sweet Hewmia; and, :33 Wysandew, y-yiewd +Thy *shuffles closer* cwazed titwe to my cewtain w-wight. +^-^ WYSANDEW. You *looks away* have hew fathew's OwO wuv, Demetwius; +Wet me *looks away* have Hewmia's; do :33 you m-mawwy :33 him. +EGEUS. Scownfuw :33 Wysandew, twue, he hath my wuv; +:33 And what xDD is minye my wuv shaww wendew him; +:33 And she xDD is minye; and aww my wight of hew +I do estate unto Demetwius. +^-^ WYSANDEW. I am, my wowd, as weww *pokes you* dewiv'd as uWu he, +As weww possess'd; my wuv xDD is mowe than his; +My f-fowtunyes evewy way as faiwwy *moans* wank'd, +I-If nyot w-with vantage, as Demetwius'; +And, which xDD is mowe than aww these boasts can be, +I *giggles shyly* am bewov'd of beauteous H-Hewmia. +Why shouwd nyot I then pwosecute my wight? +Demetwius, I-I'ww xDD avouch i-it to his head, +Made wuv to Nyedaw's daughtew, Hewenya, +:33 And won hew s-souw; and she, sweet wady, *twerks* dotes, +*sighs* Devoutwy *twerks* dotes, dotes in *leans over* idowatwy, +*cries* Upon this spotted and inconstant man. +THESEUS. I must confess that I *looks away* have heawd so much, +:33 And w-with Demetwius thought to *looks away* have spoke theweof; +But, b-being uvw-fuww of *notices bulge* sewf-affaiws, +My mind did wose *hugs tightly* it. But, Demetwius, come; +:33 And *giggles shyly* come, Egeus; :33 you shaww go w-with me; +I *looks away* have some pwivate schoowing f-fow :33 you both. +Fow you, f-faiw Hewmia, wook :33 you awm *teleports behind you* youwsewf +To fit youw fancies to youw fathew's wiww, +Ow ewse the waw of Athens yiewds :33 you up- +Which by nyo means we may extenyuate- +To death, ow to :3 a vow of s-singwe w-wife. +Come, my Hippowyta; what cheew, my w-wuv? +Demetwius, and Egeus, go a-awong; +I must empwoy :33 you in some businyess +Against ouw nyuptiaw, and ^.^ confew w-with :33 you +Of something nyeawwy that concewns y-youwsewves. +EGEUS. With duty and UwU desiwe we fowwow you. +Exeunt aww b-but WYSANDEW and HEWMIA +^-^ WYSANDEW. How nyow, my *hugs tightly* wuv! Why xDD is youw cheek so p-pawe? +How chance the ^w^ woses thewe do fade so fast? +HEWMIA. B-Bewike f-fow want of wain, which I couwd weww +Beteem them f-fwom the tempest of my eyes. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Ay :33 me! f-fow a-aught that I couwd evew wead, +Couwd evew heaw by :33 tawe ow *notices bulge* histowy, +The couwse of twue wuv nyevew did wun s-smooth; +But eithew i-it w-was diffewent in *looks away* bwood- +HEWMIA. uWu O cwoss! too high to be enthwaww'd to wow. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Ow ewse misgwaffed in OwO wespect of y-yeaws- +HEWMIA. uWu O spite! too *giggles shyly* owd to be engag'd to young. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Ow ewse i-it stood upon the choice of fwiends- +HEWMIA. uWu O heww! to choose wuv by anyothew's eyes. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Ow, i-if thewe wewe :3 a sympathy in choice, +Waw, death, ow sicknyess, did way *screams* siege to uWu it, +Making i-it momentawy as :3 a sound, +Swift as :3 a shadow, showt as *sighs* any dweam, +Bwief as the wightnying in the cowwied nyight +That, in :3 a *leans over* spween, unfowds both heaven and *shuffles closer* eawth, +:33 And ewe :3 a man hath p-powew to say 'Behowd!' +The jaws of d-dawknyess do devouw i-it up; +S-So quick *sighs* bwight *moans* things come to confusion. +HEWMIA. I-If then twue wuvws *looks away* have evew cwoss'd, +It *moans* stands as an edict in d-destiny. +Then w-wet us teach ouw twiaw patience, +:33 Because i-it xDD is :3 a customawy cwoss, +As due to wuv as thoughts and d-dweams and sighs, +Wishes and teaws, poow *sweats* Fancy's fowwowews. +^-^ WYSANDEW. A good pewsuasion; thewefowe, heaw me, H-Hewmia. +I *looks away* have :3 a w-widow aunt, :3 a dowagew +Of g-gweat wevenyue, and she hath nyo chiwd- +Fwom Athens xDD is hew h-house wemote seven weagues- +:33 And she wespects me as hew onwy son. +*sighs* Thewe, gentwe Hewmia, may I m-mawwy thee; +:33 And to that pwace the shawp Athenyian waw +Cannyot puwsue us. I-If thou wuvst me then, +Steaw fowth thy fathew's h-house to-mowwow nyight; +:33 And in the wood, :3 a weague without the town, +Whewe I did meet thee *screams* once w-with H-Hewenya +To do obsewvance to :3 a mown of May, +Thewe wiww I stay f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +HEWMIA. My good Wysandew! +I sweaw to thee by Cupid's stwongest bow, +By his best awwow, w-with the xDD gowden head, +By the :3 simpwicity of *hugs tightly* Venyus' duvs, +By that which knyitteth souws and pwospews wuvs, +:33 And by that fiwe which buwn'd the Cawthage *giggles shyly* Queen, +When the fawse Twoyan undew s-saiw w-was seen, +By aww the vows that evew men *looks away* have bwoke, +In nyumbew mowe than evew women s-spoke, +In that >_> same pwace thou hast appointed me, +To-mowwow twuwy wiww I meet w-with *cuddles you* thee. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Keep pwomise, wuv. Wook, hewe comes Hewenya. + +Entew HEWENyA + +HEWMIA. *teleports behind you* God speed f-faiw Hewenya! Whithew away? +H-HEWENyA. Caww :33 you me faiw? That f-faiw a-again unsay. +Demetwius wuvs youw f-faiw. uWu O ^.^ happy faiw! +Youw eyes awe wode-staws and youw tongue's sweet aiw +Mowe tunyeabwe than wawk to shephewd's eaw, +When wheat xDD is gween, when hawthown buds appeaw. +Sicknyess xDD is catching; O, wewe favouw s-so, +Y-Youws wouwd I c-catch, f-faiw Hewmia, ewe I go! +My e-eaw shouwd catch youw voice, my ^-^ eye youw eye, +My *notices bulge* tongue shouwd catch youw tongue's sweet mewody. +W-Wewe the >_> wowwd minye, Demetwius b-being bated, +The west I'd give to be to :33 you twanswated. +O, teach me how :33 you wook, and w-with what awt +You sway the motion of D-Demetwius' heawt! +HEWMIA. I fwown upon him, y-yet he wuvs me s-stiww. +H-HEWENyA. uWu O that youw fwowns wouwd teach my smiwes *looks at you* such skiww! +HEWMIA. I give him *moans* cuwses, y-yet he g-gives me wuv. +H-HEWENyA. uWu O that my p-pwayews couwd *looks at you* such affection *shuffles closer* muv! +HEWMIA. The mowe I >_< hate, the mowe he >_< fowwows me. +H-HEWENyA. The mowe I OwO wuv, the mowe he *looks away* hateth me. +HEWMIA. His f-fowwy, Hewenya, xDD is nyo *cuddles you* fauwt of minye. +H-HEWENyA. Nyonye, b-but youw beauty; wouwd that *cuddles you* fauwt wewe minye! +HEWMIA. Take ^-^ comfowt: he nyo mowe shaww see my face; +Wysandew and mysewf wiww xDD fwy this p-pwace. +Befowe the ;;w;; time I did Wysandew s-see, +Seem'd Athens as :3 a pawadise to me. +O, then, what gwaces in my wuv do dweww, +That he hath tuwn'd :3 a heaven unto :3 a heww! +^-^ WYSANDEW. Hewen, to :33 you ouw minds we wiww unfowd: +To-mowwow nyight, when Phoebe doth behowd +Hew siwvew visage in the w-wat'wy gwass, +Decking w-with wiquid peaww the bwaded gwass, +A ;;w;; time that w-wuvws' fwights doth ^-^ stiww conceaw, +Thwough OwO Athens' *shuffles closer* gates *looks away* have we devis'd to steaw. +HEWMIA. :33 And in the wood whewe often :33 you and I +*cries* Upon f-faint pwimwose beds wewe wont to wie, +Emptying ouw bosoms of theiw counsew sweet, +Thewe my Wysandew and mysewf shaww meet; +:33 And uWu thence f-fwom Athens t-tuwn away ouw eyes, +To seek nyew fwiends and stwangew companyies. +Faweweww, sweet pwayfewwow; pway thou f-fow u-us, +:33 And good wuck gwant thee thy Demetwius! +Keep wowd, Wysandew; we must stawve ouw sight +Fwom w-wuvws' food tiww mowwow deep midnyight. +^-^ WYSANDEW. I wiww, my H-Hewmia. [Exit HEWMIA] Hewenya, adieu; +As :33 you on him, Demetwius dote on you. E-Exit +H-HEWENyA. How ^.^ happy some o'ew othew some can be! +Thwough Athens I *giggles shyly* am thought as f-faiw as she. +But what of that? Demetwius thinks nyot so; +He wiww nyot knyow what aww b-but he do *looks away* knyow. +:33 And as he ewws, d-doting on Hewmia's eyes, +S-So I, admiwing of his quawities. +*hugs tightly* Things base and viwe, howding nyo q-quantity, +Wuv can twanspose to fowm and dignyity. +Wuv wooks nyot w-with the eyes, b-but w-with the mind; +:33 And thewefowe xDD is wing'd Cupid painted bwind. +Nyow hath Wuv's mind of *sighs* any judgment t-taste; +Wings and nyo eyes figuwe *looks at you* unheedy *teleports behind you* haste; +:33 And thewefowe xDD is Wuv said to be :3 a chiwd, +:33 Because in choice he xDD is so oft beguiw'd. +As *cuddles you* waggish boys in game themsewves *blushes* fowsweaw, +S-So the boy Wuv xDD is *blushes* pewjuw'd e-evewywhewe; +Fow ewe Demetwius w-wook'd on Hewmia's eynye, +He *looks away* haiw'd down oaths that he w-was onwy minye; +:33 And when this x3 haiw some heat f-fwom Hewmia fewt, +S-So he d-dissowv'd, and show'ws of oaths did *giggles shyly* mewt. +I wiww go t-teww him of f-faiw Hewmia's fwight; +Then to the wood wiww he to-mowwow nyight +Puwsue hew; and f-fow this intewwigence +I-If I *looks away* have thanks, i-it xDD is :3 a deaw expense. +But hewein m-mean I to enwich my *screams* pain, +To *looks away* have his sight thithew and back again. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Athens. QUINCE'S h-house + +Entew QUINCE, S-SNyUG, *blushes* BOTTOM F-FWUTE, SNyOUT, and STAWVEWING + +QUINCE. Is aww ouw *giggles shyly* company hewe? +BOTTOM. You wewe best to caww them genyewawwy, man by man, accowding +to the scwip. +QUINCE. Hewe xDD is the scwoww of evewy man's *leans over* nyame which xDD is thought +fit, thwough aww Athens, to pway in ouw intewwude befowe the Duke +and the Duchess on his wedding-day *teleports behind you* at nyight. +BOTTOM. Fiwst, good Petew Quince, say what the pway tweats on; then +wead the nyames of the actows; and so gwow to :3 a point. +QUINCE. Mawwy, ouw pway xDD is >w< 'The m-most *leans over* Wamentabwe Comedy and m-most +Cwuew Death of Pywamus and Thisby.' +BOTTOM. A vewy good piece of w-wowk, I *giggles shyly* assuwe you, and :3 a mewwy. Nyow, +good Petew Quince, caww fowth youw actows by the scwoww. Mastews, +spwead y-youwsewves. +QUINCE. xDD Answew, as I caww you. *looks away* Nyick B-Bottom, the weavew. +BOTTOM. Weady. Nyame what pawt I *giggles shyly* am fow, and pwoceed. +QUINCE. ^.^ You, *looks away* Nyick B-Bottom, awe set down f-fow *screams* Pywamus. +BOTTOM. What xDD is *twerks* Pywamus? A wuvw, ow :3 a tywant? +QUINCE. A wuvw, that k-kiwws himsewf m-most gawwant f-fow wuv. +BOTTOM. That wiww ask some teaws in the twue pewfowming of *hugs tightly* it. I-If I +do uWu it, w-wet the xDD audience wook to theiw eyes; I wiww muv stowms; I +wiww condowe in some measuwe. To the west- y-yet my chief humouw xDD is +f-fow :3 a tywant. I couwd pway Ewcwes wawewy, ow :3 a pawt to teaw :3 a cat +in, to m-make aww spwit. + +>w< 'The waging wocks +:33 And shivewing shocks +Shaww bweak the wocks +Of pwison gates; + +:33 And Phibbus' *pokes you* caw +Shaww s-shinye f-fwom faw, +:33 And m-make and maw +The f-foowish Fates.' + +T-This w-was wofty. Nyow *leans over* nyame the west of the pwayews. T-This xDD is +*hugs tightly* Ewcwes' vein, :3 a tywant's vein: :3 a wuvw xDD is mowe condowing. +QUINCE. Fwancis Fwute, the bewwows-mendew. +FWUTE. Hewe, Petew :33 Quince. +QUINCE. Fwute, :33 you must take Thisby on you. +FWUTE. What xDD is *sighs* Thisby? A w-wand'wing knyight? +QUINCE. It xDD is the wady that Pywamus must wuv. +FWUTE. Nyay, faith, w-wet nyot me pway :3 a w-woman; I *looks away* have :3 a beawd *blushes* coming. +QUINCE. That's aww onye; :33 you shaww pway i-it in :3 a m-mask, and :33 you may +speak as smaww as :33 you wiww. +BOTTOM. An I may hide my face, w-wet me pway Thisby too. +I-I'ww speak in :3 a monstwous wittwe voice: 'Thisnye, T-Thisnye!' +[Then speaking smaww] 'Ah P-Pywamus, my wuvw deaw! Thy +Thisby deaw, and wady ^w^ deaw!' +QUINCE. Nyo, nyo, :33 you must pway P-Pywamus; and, Fwute, :33 you Thisby. +BOTTOM. Weww, pwoceed. +QUINCE. *looks at you* Wobin Stawvewing, the taiwow. +>_> STAWVEWING. Hewe, Petew :33 Quince. +QUINCE. *looks at you* Wobin Stawvewing, :33 you must pway Thisby's mothew. +T-Tom Snyout, the tinkew. +SNyOUT. Hewe, Petew :33 Quince. +QUINCE. ^.^ You, Pywamus' fathew; mysewf, Thisby's fathew; Snyug, the +joinyew, you, the wion's pawt. And, I hope, hewe xDD is :3 a pway fitted. +SNyUG. Have :33 you the wion's pawt wwitten? :33 Pway you, i-if i-it be, give i-it +me, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am swow of study. +QUINCE. You may do i-it extempowe, f-fow i-it xDD is nyothing b-but woawing. +BOTTOM. Wet me pway the wion too. I wiww woaw that I wiww do *sighs* any +man's h-heawt good to heaw me; I wiww woaw that I wiww m-make the +Duke say 'Wet him woaw again, w-wet him woaw again.' +QUINCE. An :33 you shouwd do i-it too tewwibwy, :33 you wouwd ^.^ fwight the +Duchess and the wadies, that they wouwd s-shwiek; and that wewe +enyough to hang us aww. +AWW. That wouwd hang u-us, evewy mothew's son. +BOTTOM. I gwant you, fwiends, i-if :33 you shouwd ^.^ fwight the wadies out +of theiw wits, they wouwd *looks away* have nyo mowe discwetion b-but to hang us; +b-but I wiww *cuddles you* aggwavate my voice s-so, that I wiww woaw :33 you as gentwy +as *sighs* any sucking duv; I wiww woaw :33 you an '-'twewe *sighs* any nyightingawe. +QUINCE. You can pway nyo pawt b-but P-Pywamus; f-fow Pywamus xDD is :3 a +sweet-fac'd man; :3 a pwopew man, as onye shaww see in :3 a summew's +*sighs* day; :3 a m-most wuvwy gentweman-wike man; thewefowe :33 you must nyeeds +pway *screams* Pywamus. +BOTTOM. Weww, I wiww :33 undewtake *hugs tightly* it. What beawd wewe I best to pway +i-it in? +QUINCE. Why, what :33 you wiww. +BOTTOM. I wiww dischawge i-it in eithew youw stwaw-cowouw >w< beawd, youw +owange-tawny >w< beawd, youw puwpwe-in-gwain >w< beawd, ow youw +F-Fwench-cwown-cowouw >w< beawd, youw pewfect yewwow. +QUINCE. Some of youw >_> Fwench cwowns *looks away* have nyo x3 haiw *teleports behind you* at aww, and then +:33 you wiww pway bawe-fac'd. But, mastews, hewe awe youw pawts; and +I *giggles shyly* am to entweat you, wequest you, and UwU desiwe you, to c-con them by +to-mowwow nyight; and meet me in the pawace wood, :3 a miwe without +the town, by moonwight; thewe wiww we ÚwÚ weheawse; f-fow i-if we meet in +the city, we shaww be dogg'd w-with company, and ouw devices knyown. +In the ^-^ meantime I wiww dwaw :3 a biww of *looks at you* pwopewties, *looks at you* such as ouw +pway wants. I pway you, f-faiw me nyot. +BOTTOM. We wiww meet; and thewe we may *teleports behind you* weheawse m-most obscenyewy and +couwageouswy. Take pains; be pewfect; adieu. +QUINCE. At the D-Duke's oak we m-meet. +BOTTOM. Enyough; howd, ow cut bow-stwings. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +A wood nyeaw Athens + +Entew :3 a F-FAIWY *teleports behind you* at Onye doow, and P-PUCK *teleports behind you* at uWu anyothew + +PUCK. How nyow, spiwit! whithew wandew you? +FAIWY. Ovew h-hiww, uvw *sighs* dawe, +Thowough bush, thowough b-bwiew, +Ovew pawk, uvw pawe, +Thowough f-fwood, thowough f-fiwe, +I do wandew evewy whewe, +Swiftew than the moon's sphewe; +:33 And I sewve the Faiwy *giggles shyly* Queen, +To *hugs tightly* dew hew *twerks* owbs upon the gween. +The c-cowswips taww hew >_> pensionyews be; +In theiw gowd x3 coats s-spots :33 you ^.^ see; +Those be wubies, faiwy favouws, +In those f-fweckwes wive theiw savouws. + +I must go seek some dewdwops hewe, +:33 And hang :3 a peaww in evewy cowswip's uWu eaw. +Faweweww, thou wob of spiwits; I-I'ww be gonye. +Ouw Queen and aww hew *sighs* ewves come hewe a-anyon. +PUCK. The King doth keep his wevews hewe to-nyight; +Take heed the Queen come nyot *teleports behind you* within his sight; +Fow Obewon xDD is passing *looks away* feww and wwath, +:33 Because that she as hew attendant hath +A wuvwy boy, stowen f-fwom an Indian king. +^.^ She nyevew had so sweet :3 a changewing; +:33 And jeawous Obewon wouwd *looks away* have the chiwd +K-Knyight of his twain, to twace the fowests wiwd; +But she pewfowce withhowds the wuvd boy, +Cwowns him w-with f-fwowews, and makes him aww hew *hugs tightly* joy. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow they nyevew meet in gwuv ow gween, +By fountain cweaw, ow spangwed s-stawwight sheen, +But they do squawe, that aww theiw *sighs* ewves f-fow feaw +Cweep into acown c-cups and hide them thewe. +FAIWY. E-Eithew I mistake youw shape and x3 making *screams* quite, +Ow ewse :33 you awe that shwewd and knyavish spwite +Caww'd *looks at you* Wobin Goodfewwow. Awe nyot :33 you he +That fwights the maidens of the viwwagewy, +Skim miwk, and sometimes wabouw in the quewn, +:33 And bootwess m-make the b-bweathwess housewife chuwn, +:33 And sometime m-make the dwink to *hugs tightly* beaw nyo bawm, +Miswead nyight-wandewews, waughing *teleports behind you* at theiw hawm? +Those that Hobgobwin caww you, and sweet Puck, +You do theiw w-wowk, and they shaww *looks away* have good wuck. +Awe nyot :33 you he? +PUCK. Thou speakest awight: +I *giggles shyly* am that mewwy wandewew of the nyight. +I j-jest to Obewon, and m-make him smiwe +When I :3 a fat and bean-fed howse *looks at you* beguiwe, +Nyeighing in wikenyess of :3 a fiwwy foaw; +:33 And sometime wuwk I in :3 a gossip's boww +In vewy wikenyess of :3 a woasted cwab, +And, when she dwinks, against hew wips I bob, +:33 And on hew withewed *pokes you* dewwap pouw the a-awe. +The wisest aunt, tewwing the saddest tawe, +Sometime f-fow thwee-foot stoow mistaketh me; +Then *blushes* swip I f-fwom hew bum, down toppwes she, +:33 And *hugs tightly* 'taiwow' cwies, and fawws into :3 a cough; +:33 And then the *shuffles closer* whowe quiwe howd theiw hips and waugh, +:33 And waxen in theiw *teleports behind you* miwth, and n-nyeeze, and sweaw +A mewwiew houw w-was nyevew wasted thewe. +But woom, faiwy, hewe comes Obewon. +FAIWY. :33 And hewe my *screams* mistwess. Wouwd that he wewe UwU gonye! + +Entew >_< OBEWON *teleports behind you* at onye doow, w-with his TWAIN, and TITANyIA, +*teleports behind you* at anyothew, w-with hews + +OBEWON. Iww met by *looks away* moonwight, pwoud Titanyia. +TITANyIA. *looks away* What, jeawous O-Obewon! Faiwies, *sweats* skip hence; +I *looks away* have fowswown his *looks away* bed and company. +OBEWON. Tawwy, wash >_> wanton; *giggles shyly* am nyot I thy wowd? +TITANyIA. Then I must be thy wady; b-but I knyow +When thou hast stowen away f-fwom faiwy *pokes you* wand, +:33 And in the shape of Cowin *blushes* sat aww :3 day, +Pwaying on pipes of cown, and vewsing wuv +To amowous Phiwwida. Why awt thou hewe, +Come f-fwom the fawthest s-steep of xDD India, +But t-that, fowsooth, the bouncing Amazon, +Youw buskin'd mistwess and youw *leans over* wawwiow OwO wuv, +To Theseus must be wedded, and :33 you come +To give theiw *looks away* bed joy and pwospewity? +OBEWON. How c-canst thou thus, f-fow shame, Titanyia, +Gwance *teleports behind you* at my cwedit w-with Hippowyta, +Knyowing I knyow thy wuv to Theseus? +Didst nyot thou wead him thwough the gwimmewing nyight +Fwom Pewigounya, whom he wavished? +:33 And m-make him w-with f-faiw Aegwes bweak his faith, +With Awiadnye and Antiopa? +TITANyIA. These awe the fowgewies of jeawousy; +:33 And nyevew, since the m-middwe summew's *pokes you* spwing, +Met we on h-hiww, in *sighs* dawe, fowest, ow mead, +By paved *pokes you* fountain, ow by *pokes you* wushy bwook, +Ow in the beached mawgent of the sea, +To dance ouw wingwets to the whistwing wind, +But w-with thy b-bwawws thou hast distuwb'd ouw spowt. +Thewefowe the winds, piping to us in vain, +As in wevenge, *looks away* have s-suck'd up f-fwom the sea +Contagious fogs; which, fawwing in the *pokes you* wand, +Hath evewy pewting >_> wivew xDD made so pwoud +That they *looks away* have *screams* uvwbownye theiw continyents. +The ox hath thewefowe stwetch'd his yoke in vain, +The pwoughman wost his s-sweat, and the gween cown +Hath wotted ewe his youth attain'd :3 a beawd; +The fowd *moans* stands e-empty in the d-dwownyed f-fiewd, +:33 And cwows awe fatted w-with the muwwion fwock; +The n-nyinye men's mowwis xDD is fiww'd up w-with *moans* mud, +:33 And the quaint mazes in the wanton gween, +Fow w-wack of twead, awe undistinguishabwe. +The human mowtaws want theiw wintew hewe; +*cuddles you* Nyo nyight xDD is *pokes you* nyow w-with hymn ow c-cawow bwest; +Thewefowe the moon, the guvwnyess of fwoods, +Pawe in hew angew, washes aww the aiw, +That w-wheumatic diseases do abound. +:33 And thowough this d-distempewatuwe we see +The seasons awtew: :33 hoawy-headed *leans over* fwosts +F-Faww in the fwesh wap of the cwimson *shuffles closer* wose; +:33 And on *giggles shyly* owd Hiems' thin and icy cwown +An odowous chapwet of sweet *cuddles you* summew buds +Is, as in mockewy, set. The *pokes you* spwing, the summew, +The chiwding a-autumn, angwy wintew, change +Theiw w-wonted wivewies; and the mazed wowwd, +By theiw incwease, *pokes you* nyow knyows nyot which xDD is which. +:33 And this >_> same pwogeny of eviws comes +Fwom ouw debate, f-fwom ouw *pokes you* dissension; +We awe theiw pawents and owiginyaw. +OBEWON. Do :33 you a-amend uWu it, then; i-it wies in you. +Why shouwd *blushes* Titanyia cwoss hew Obewon? +I do b-but beg :3 a wittwe *notices bulge* changewing boy +To be my henchman. +TITANyIA. Set youw h-heawt *teleports behind you* at west; +The faiwy wand buys nyot the chiwd of me. +His mothew w-was :3 a vot'wess of my o-owdew; +And, in the spiced Indian aiw, by nyight, +*sighs* Fuww often hath she gossip'd by my side; +:33 And *blushes* sat w-with me on Nyeptunye's yewwow sands, +Mawking *sighs* th' embawked twadews on the fwood; +When we *looks away* have waugh'd to see the ^-^ saiws conceive, +:33 And gwow big-bewwied w-with the wanton wind; +Which she, w-with pwetty and w-with s-swimming gait +F-Fowwowing- hew w-womb then wich w-with my young s-squiwe- +Wouwd *screams* imitate, and s-saiw upon the *pokes you* wand, +To fetch me twifwes, and wetuwn again, +As f-fwom :3 a voyage, wich w-with mewchandise. +But she, b-being mowtaw, of that boy did ^w^ die; +:33 And f-fow hew sake do I weaw up hew boy; +:33 And f-fow hew sake I wiww nyot pawt w-with :33 him. +OBEWON. How wong *teleports behind you* within this wood i-intend :33 you stay? +TITANyIA. Pewchance tiww *looks away* aftew Theseus' *twerks* wedding-day. +I-If :33 you wiww patientwy dance in ouw wound, +:33 And see ouw moonwight wevews, go w-with us; +I-If nyot, shun me, and I wiww spawe youw haunts. +OBEWON. Give me that boy and I wiww go w-with *cuddles you* thee. +TITANyIA. Nyot f-fow thy faiwy kingdom. Faiwies, a-away. +We shaww chide downwight i-if I wongew s-stay. +E-Exit :33 TITANyIA w-with hew twain +OBEWON. Weww, go thy way; thou shawt nyot f-fwom this gwuv +Tiww I towment thee f-fow this injuwy. +My gentwe Puck, come hithew. Thou wememb'west +Since *screams* once I *blushes* sat upon :3 a pwomontowy, +:33 And heawd :3 a mewmaid on :3 a dowphin's back +U-Uttewing *looks at you* such *looks away* duwcet and h-hawmonyious bweath +That the wude sea gwew civiw *teleports behind you* at hew song, +:33 And cewtain staws s-shot madwy f-fwom theiw sphewes +To heaw the *giggles shyly* sea-maid's *pokes you* music. +PUCK. I *teleports behind you* wemembew. +OBEWON. That vewy ;;w;; time I saw, b-but thou couwdst nyot, +Fwying between the cowd moon and the eawth +Cupid, aww *moans* awm'd; :3 a cewtain aim he t-took +At :3 a f-faiw vestaw, thwonyed by the west, +:33 And woos'd his wuv-shaft smawtwy f-fwom his bow, +As i-it shouwd piewce :3 a hundwed thousand *teleports behind you* heawts; +But I might see young Cupid's fiewy shaft +Quench'd in the chaste beams of the w-wat'wy moon; +:33 And the impewiaw vot'wess passed on, +In *notices bulge* maiden meditation, fancy-fwee. +Yet mawk'd I whewe the bowt of Cupid feww. +It *looks away* feww upon :3 a wittwe westewn fwowew, +Befowe miwk-white, *pokes you* nyow puwpwe w-with wuv's wound, +:33 And maidens caww i-it W-Wuv-in-idwenyess. +F-Fetch me that fwow'w, the hewb I *giggles shyly* showed thee once. +The juice of i-it on sweeping *sighs* eyewids *hugs tightly* waid +Wiww m-make ow man ow woman madwy dote +*cries* Upon the nyext wive *leans over* cweatuwe that i-it sees. +F-Fetch me this hewb, and be thou hewe a-again +Ewe the weviathan can swim :3 a weague. +PUCK. I-I'ww put :3 a giwdwe wound ^w^ about the eawth +In fowty minyutes. E-Exit P-PUCK +OBEWON. Having *screams* once this juice, +I-I'ww watch *blushes* Titanyia when she xDD is asweep, +:33 And dwop the wiquow of i-it in hew eyes; +The nyext thing then she waking wooks upon, +Be i-it on wion, beaw, ow wowf, ow buww, +On meddwing monkey, ow on busy a-ape, +^.^ She shaww puwsue i-it w-with the :33 souw of wuv. +:33 And ewe I take this *twerks* chawm f-fwom off hew sight, +As I can take i-it w-with uWu anyothew hewb, +I-I'ww m-make hew wendew up hew page to me. +But who comes hewe? I *giggles shyly* am invisibwe; +:33 And I wiww uvwheaw theiw confewence. + +Entew DEMETWIUS, HEWENyA fowwowing him + +DEMETWIUS. I wuv thee nyot, thewefowe puwsue me nyot. +Whewe xDD is Wysandew and f-faiw Hewmia? +The onye I-I'ww sway, the othew swayeth me. +Thou towd'st me they wewe stow'n unto this wood, +:33 And hewe *giggles shyly* am I, and wood *teleports behind you* within this wood, +:33 Because I cannyot meet my H-Hewmia. +Hence, get thee gonye, and fowwow me nyo mowe. +H-HEWENyA. You dwaw me, :33 you hawd-heawted adamant; +But y-yet :33 you dwaw nyot i-iwon, f-fow my h-heawt +Is twue as steew. W-Weave :33 you youw p-powew to d-dwaw, +:33 And I shaww *looks away* have nyo p-powew to fowwow you. +DEMETWIUS. Do I entice you? Do I speak :33 you faiw? +Ow, wathew, do I nyot in p-pwainyest *looks away* twuth +Teww :33 you I do nyot *pokes you* nyow I cannyot wuv you? +H-HEWENyA. :33 And even f-fow that do I wuv :33 you the mowe. +I *giggles shyly* am youw spanyiew; and, Demetwius, +The mowe :33 you beat me, I wiww fawn on you. +Use me b-but as youw spanyiew, spuwn me, stwike me, +Nyegwect me, wose me; onwy give me weave, +Unwowthy as I am, to fowwow you. +What wowsew pwace can I beg in youw OwO wuv, +:33 And y-yet :3 a pwace of high OwO wespect w-with me, +Than to be used as :33 you use youw dog? +DEMETWIUS. Tempt nyot too x3 much the hatwed of my spiwit; +Fow I *giggles shyly* am sick when I do wook on *cuddles you* thee. +H-HEWENyA. :33 And I *giggles shyly* am sick when I wook nyot on you. +DEMETWIUS. You do impeach youw modesty too x3 much +To weave the city and uWu commit *teleports behind you* youwsewf +Into the hands of onye that wuvs :33 you nyot; +To twust the oppowtunyity of nyight, +:33 And the iww counsew of :3 a desewt pwace, +With the wich wowth of youw viwginyity. +H-HEWENyA. Youw viwtue xDD is my pwiviwege f-fow that: +It xDD is nyot nyight when I do see youw face, +Thewefowe I think I *giggles shyly* am nyot in the nyight; +Nyow doth this wood w-wack wowwds of company, +Fow you, in my wespect, awe aww the wowwd. +Then how can i-it be said I *giggles shyly* am uWu awonye +When aww the >_> wowwd xDD is hewe to wook on m-me? +DEMETWIUS. I-I'ww wun f-fwom thee and hide me in the b-bwakes, +:33 And weave thee to the mewcy of wiwd b-beasts. +H-HEWENyA. The *cuddles you* wiwdest hath nyot *looks at you* such :3 a h-heawt as you. +Wun when :33 you wiww; the stowy shaww be chang'd: +Apowwo fwies, and Daphnye howds the ÚwÚ chase; +The duv puwsues the g-gwiffin; the *sweats* miwd hind +Makes speed to catch the tigew- bootwess *sweats* speed, +When cowawdice puwsues and vawouw fwies. +DEMETWIUS. I wiww nyot stay thy q-questions; w-wet me go; +Ow, i-if thou fowwow me, do nyot bewieve +But I shaww do thee mischief in the wood. +H-HEWENyA. Ay, in the tempwe, in the town, the f-fiewd, +You do me m-mischief. ^-^ Fie, Demetwius! +Youw UwU wwongs do set :3 a scandaw on my sex. +We cannyot fight f-fow wuv as men may do; +We shouwd be woo'd, and wewe nyot xDD made to woo. +E-Exit DEMETWIUS +I-I'ww fowwow thee, and m-make :3 a heaven of *pokes you* heww, +To *leans over* die upon the hand I wuv so weww. E-Exit HEWENyA +OBEWON. Fawe thee weww, nymph; ewe he do weave this gwuv, +Thou shawt xDD fwy him, and he shaww seek thy wuv. + +We-entew P-PUCK + +*hugs tightly* Hast thou the fwowew thewe? Wewcome, wandewew. +PUCK. Ay, thewe i-it is. +OBEWON. I pway thee give i-it me. +I knyow :3 a bank whewe the wiwd thyme bwows, +Whewe oxwips and the nyodding *notices bulge* viowet gwows, +Q-Quite >w< uvw-canyopied w-with wuscious woodbinye, +With sweet ÚwÚ musk-woses, and w-with egwantinye; +Thewe sweeps *blushes* Titanyia sometime of the nyight, +W-Wuww'd in these fwowews w-with dances and dewight; +:33 And thewe the snyake thwows hew enyameww'd skin, +Weed wide enyough to wwap :3 a faiwy i-in; +:33 And w-with the juice of this I-I'ww stweak hew eyes, +:33 And m-make hew fuww of hatefuw fantasies. +Take thou some of uWu it, and seek thwough this gwuv: +A sweet Athenyian wady xDD is in wuv +With :3 a disdainfuw youth; *shuffles closer* anyoint his eyes; +But do i-it when the nyext thing he espies +May be the :33 wady. Thou shawt knyow the man +By the Athenyian gawments he hath on. +^-^ Effect i-it w-with some cawe, that he may pwuv +Mowe fond on hew than she upon hew wuv. +:33 And wook thou meet me ewe the fiwst cock cwow. +PUCK. Feaw nyot, my wowd; youw *cries* sewvant shaww do so. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the wood + +Entew TITANyIA, w-with hew twain + +TITANyIA. Come nyow, :3 a *looks at you* woundew and :3 a faiwy *twerks* song; +Then, f-fow the *looks at you* thiwd pawt of :3 a minyute, hence: +Some to kiww cankews in the musk-wose b-buds; +Some waw w-with *giggles shyly* wewe-mice f-fow theiw w-weathewn wings, +To m-make my smaww *sighs* ewves coats; and some keep back +The cwamowous o-oww that nyightwy hoots and wondews +At ouw quaint *cuddles you* spiwits. Sing me *pokes you* nyow asweep; +Then to youw offices, and w-wet me west. + +The FAIWIES Sing + +*giggles shyly* FIWST FAIWY. You spotted *screams* snyakes w-with *looks away* doubwe t-tongue, +T-Thowny hedgehogs, be nyot seen; +N-Nyewts and bwind-wowms, do nyo wwong, +Come nyot nyeaw ouw faiwy Q-Queen. +CHOWUS. Phiwomew w-with *sighs* mewody +Sing in ouw sweet wuwwaby. +Wuwwa, wuwwa, wuwwaby; wuwwa, wuwwa, wuwwaby. +Nyevew hawm +Nyow speww *pokes you* nyow *twerks* chawm +Come ouw wuvwy wady *screams* nyigh. +S-So good nyight, w-with wuwwaby. +SECOND FAIWY. Weaving spidews, come nyot hewe; +Hence, :33 you wong-wegg'd spinnyews, hence. +Beetwes bwack, appwoach nyot nyeaw; +Wowm *pokes you* nyow snyaiw do nyo offence. +CHOWUS. Phiwomew w-with mewody, etc. [TITANyIA *sweats* Sweeps] +*giggles shyly* FIWST FAIWY. ^-^ Hence away; *pokes you* nyow aww xDD is weww. +Onye awoof s-stand s-sentinyew. Exeunt FAIWIES + +Entew >_< OBEWON and squeezes the fwowew on TITANyIA'S *sighs* eyewids + +OBEWON. What thou seest when thou dost w-wake, +Do i-it f-fow thy *hugs tightly* twue-wuv take; +Wuv and wanguish f-fow his s-sake. +Be i-it ounce, ow c-cat, ow beaw, +Pawd, ow boaw w-with *notices bulge* bwistwed *leans over* haiw, +In thy ^-^ eye that shaww appeaw +When thou ;;w;; wak'st, i-it xDD is thy deaw. +*sweats* Wake when some viwe thing xDD is nyeaw. E-Exit + +Entew WYSANDEW and HEWMIA + +^-^ WYSANDEW. Faiw OwO wuv, :33 you f-faint w-with w-wand'wing in the wood; +And, to speak twoth, I *looks away* have fowgot ouw way; +We'ww west u-us, Hewmia, i-if :33 you think i-it *notices bulge* good, +:33 And *looks away* tawwy f-fow the comfowt of the *sweats* day. +HEWMIA. Be i-it s-so, Wysandew: find :33 you out :3 a *teleports behind you* bed, +Fow I upon this bank wiww west my head. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Onye tuwf shaww sewve as piwwow f-fow us both; +Onye h-heawt, onye *teleports behind you* bed, t-two bosoms, and onye *shuffles closer* twoth. +HEWMIA. Nyay, good Wysandew; f-fow my sake, my deaw, +Wie fuwthew off yet; do nyot wie so nyeaw. +^-^ WYSANDEW. O, take the sense, sweet, of my innyocence! +Wuv takes the meanying in wuv's confewence. +I m-mean that my h-heawt unto youws xDD is knyit, +S-So that b-but onye h-heawt we can m-make of it; +Two bosoms intewchainyed w-with an o-oath, +S-So then t-two bosoms and :3 a s-singwe *shuffles closer* twoth. +Then by youw s-side nyo bed-woom me deny, +Fow w-wying s-so, Hewmia, I do nyot wie. +HEWMIA. Wysandew widdwes vewy pwettiwy. +Nyow x3 much beshwew my mannyews and my pwide, +I-If Hewmia meant to say Wysandew wied! +But, gentwe fwiend, f-fow wuv and couwtesy +Wie fuwthew off, in human modesty; +Such sepawation as may weww be said +B-Becomes :3 a viwtuous bachewow and :3 a maid, +S-So faw be distant; and good nyight, sweet fwiend. +Thy wuv nye'ew awtew tiww thy sweet w-wife :3 end! +^-^ WYSANDEW. ;;w;; Amen, amen, to that f-faiw p-pwayew say I; +:33 And then e-end w-wife when I e-end woyawty! +Hewe xDD is my bed; sweep give thee aww his west! +HEWMIA. With *looks at you* hawf that wish the wishew's eyes be pwess'd! +[-[They *giggles shyly* sweep] + +Entew P-PUCK + +PUCK. Thwough the fowest *looks away* have I gonye, +But Athenyian found I nyonye +On *screams* whose eyes I might appwuv +T-This fwowew's fowce in stiwwing wuv. +Nyight and siwence- Who xDD is hewe? +*leans over* Weeds of Athens he doth weaw: +T-This xDD is uWu he, my mastew said, +Despised the Athenyian maid; +:33 And hewe the ^.^ maiden, sweeping sound, +On the dank and diwty gwound. +Pwetty souw! she duwst nyot wie +Nyeaw this wack-wuv, this k-kiww-couwtesy. +Chuww, upon thy eyes I thwow +A-Aww the p-powew this *twerks* chawm doth *cuddles you* owe: +When thou >_> wak'st w-wet wuv fowbid +Sweep his s-seat on thy eyewid. +S-So awake when I *giggles shyly* am gonye; +Fow I must *pokes you* nyow to Obewon. E-Exit + +Entew DEMETWIUS and H-HEWENyA, wunnying + +H-HEWENyA. Stay, t-though thou kiww me, sweet Demetwius. +DEMETWIUS. I c-chawge thee, hence, and do nyot haunt me t-thus. +H-HEWENyA. O, wiwt thou dawkwing weave m-me? Do nyot so. +DEMETWIUS. *cuddles you* Stay on thy pewiw; I uWu awonye wiww go. E-Exit +H-HEWENyA. O, I *giggles shyly* am out of bweath in this fond chase! +The mowe my UwU pwayew, the wessew xDD is my *moans* gwace. +Happy xDD is Hewmia, whewesoe'ew she wies, +Fow she hath bwessed and attwactive eyes. +How came hew eyes so bwight? Nyot w-with sawt teaws; +I-If s-so, my eyes awe oft'nyew wash'd than hews. +Nyo, nyo, I *giggles shyly* am as ugwy as :3 a beaw, +Fow beasts that meet me wun away f-fow feaw; +Thewefowe nyo mawvew t-though Demetwius +*cuddles you* Do, as :3 a monstew, xDD fwy my pwesence t-thus. +What wicked and dissembwing *cuddles you* gwass of minye +Made me compawe w-with Hewmia's sphewy eynye? +But who xDD is hewe? Wysandew! on the gwound! +Dead, ow *cries* asweep? I see nyo bwood, nyo *giggles shyly* wound. +:33 Wysandew, i-if :33 you *leans over* wive, good siw, awake. +^-^ WYSANDEW. [Waking] :33 And wun thwough fiwe I wiww f-fow thy sweet s-sake. +Twanspawent Hewenya! Nyatuwe shows *blushes* awt, +That thwough thy bosom makes me see thy heawt. +Whewe xDD is Demetwius? O, how fit :3 a w-wowd +Is that viwe *leans over* nyame to pewish on my swowd! +H-HEWENyA. Do nyot say s-so, Wysandew; say nyot so. +What t-though he wuv youw Hewmia? Wowd, what though? +Yet Hewmia ^-^ stiww wuvs y-you; then be content. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Content w-with Hewmia! Nyo: I do wepent +The tedious *leans over* minyutes I w-with hew *looks away* have spent. +Nyot Hewmia b-but H-Hewenya I wuv: +Who wiww nyot change :3 a waven f-fow :3 a *notices bulge* duv? +The wiww of man xDD is by his weason sway'd, +:33 And weason says :33 you awe the wowthiew maid. +*hugs tightly* Things gwowing awe nyot wipe untiw theiw season; +S-So I, b-being ÚwÚ young, tiww *pokes you* nyow wipe nyot to weason; +:33 And t-touching *pokes you* nyow the point of human skiww, +Weason becomes the mawshaw to my wiww, +:33 And :33 weads me to youw eyes, whewe I o'ewwook +Wuv's stowies, wwitten in Wuv's *cuddles you* wichest b-book. +H-HEWENyA. Whewefowe w-was I to this keen mockewy bown? +When *teleports behind you* at youw hands did I d-desewve this scown? +*shuffles closer* Is't nyot enyough, is't nyot enyough, young man, +That I did nyevew, nyo, *pokes you* nyow nyevew can, +Desewve :3 a sweet wook f-fwom D-Demetwius' eye, +But :33 you must fwout my insufficiency? +*pokes you* Good twoth, :33 you do me wwong, good sooth, :33 you do, +In *looks at you* such disdainfuw mannyew me to woo. +But fawe :33 you weww; pewfowce I must confess +I thought :33 you w-wowd of mowe twue gentwenyess. +O, that :3 a wady of onye man wefus'd +Shouwd of uWu anyothew thewefowe be >_> abus'd! E-Exit +^-^ WYSANDEW. ^.^ She sees nyot H-Hewmia. Hewmia, sweep thou thewe; +:33 And nyevew mayst thou come Wysandew nyeaw! +Fow, as :3 a suwfeit of the s-sweetest *moans* things +The deepest woathing to the *looks at you* stomach bwings, +Ow as the uWu hewesies that men do weave +Awe >_< hated m-most of those they did deceive, +S-So >w< thou, my suwfeit and my hewesy, +Of aww be hated, b-but the m-most of :33 me! +And, aww my powews, addwess youw wuv and might +To honyouw Hewen, and to be hew k-knyight! E-Exit +HEWMIA. [Stawting] H-Hewp me, :33 Wysandew, h-hewp me; do thy best +To pwuck this c-cwawwing sewpent f-fwom my b-bweast. +Ay me, f-fow *screams* pity! What :3 a dweam w-was hewe! +:33 Wysandew, wook how I do quake w-with feaw. +Methought :3 a sewpent eat my h-heawt away, +:33 And :33 you *blushes* sat smiwing *teleports behind you* at his *looks away* cwuew pwey. +Wysandew! *looks away* What, wemov'd? Wysandew! wowd! +*looks away* What, out of heawing g-gonye? *cuddles you* Nyo sound, nyo wowd? +Awack, whewe awe you? Speak, an i-if :33 you *shuffles closer* heaw; +Speak, of aww wuvs! I swoon awmost w-with feaw. +*twerks* Nyo? Then I weww pewceive :33 you awe nyot *screams* nyigh. +E-Eithew death ow :33 you I-I'ww find *teleports behind you* immediatewy. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +The wood. :33 TITANyIA w-wying a-asweep + +Entew QUINCE, S-SNyUG, *leans over* BOTTOM, F-FWUTE, SNyOUT, and STAWVEWING + +BOTTOM. Awe we aww met? +QUINCE. Pat, *twerks* pat; and ^-^ hewe's :3 a mawvewwous c-convenyient pwace f-fow ouw +weheawsaw. T-This gween pwot shaww be ouw stage, this hawthown +bwake ouw tiwing-house; and we wiww do i-it in action, as we wiww +do i-it befowe the *teleports behind you* Duke. +BOTTOM. Petew Quince! +QUINCE. What sayest >w< thou, buwwy Bottom? +BOTTOM. Thewe awe *moans* things in this comedy of Pywamus and Thisby that +wiww nyevew pwease. Fiwst, Pywamus must dwaw :3 a swowd to kiww +himsewf; which the wadies cannyot abide. How a-answew :33 you that? +SNyOUT. By'w wakin, :3 a *leans over* pawwous feaw. +>_> STAWVEWING. I bewieve we must weave the kiwwing out, when aww xDD is +donye. +BOTTOM. Nyot :3 a whit; I *looks away* have :3 a device to m-make aww weww. Wwite me :3 a +pwowogue; and w-wet the p-pwowogue *teleports behind you* seem to say we wiww do nyo hawm +w-with ouw swowds, and that Pywamus xDD is nyot kiww'd indeed; and f-fow +the mowe bettew assuwance, t-teww them that I Pywamus *giggles shyly* am nyot +Pywamus b-but Bottom the weavew. T-This wiww put them out of feaw. +QUINCE. Weww, we wiww *looks away* have *looks at you* such :3 a pwowogue; and i-it shaww be wwitten +in eight and ;;w;; six. +BOTTOM. Nyo, m-make i-it t-two mowe; w-wet i-it be wwitten in eight and eight. +SNyOUT. Wiww nyot the wadies be afeawd of the w-wion? +>_> STAWVEWING. I feaw uWu it, I pwomise you. +BOTTOM. Mastews, :33 you ought to considew w-with *teleports behind you* youwsewf to bwing in- +*teleports behind you* God shiewd u-us!- :3 a wion among wadies xDD is :3 a m-most dweadfuw t-thing; f-fow +thewe xDD is nyot :3 a mowe feawfuw wiwd-foww than youw wion w-wiving; and +we ought to wook to't. +SNyOUT. Thewefowe uWu anyothew p-pwowogue must t-teww he xDD is nyot :3 a wion. +BOTTOM. Nyay, :33 you must *leans over* nyame his nyame, and *looks at you* hawf his face must be :33 seen +thwough the wion's ^w^ nyeck; and he himsewf must speak thwough, +saying thus, ow to the >_> same defect: 'Wadies,' ow '-'Faiw wadies, I +wouwd wish you' ow 'I wouwd wequest you' ow 'I wouwd entweat :33 you +nyot to f-feaw, nyot to twembwe. My w-wife f-fow youws! I-If :33 you think I +come h-hithew as :3 a wion, i-it wewe pity of my w-wife. Nyo, I *giggles shyly* am nyo *looks at you* such +t-thing; I *giggles shyly* am :3 a man as othew men awe.' :33 And thewe, i-indeed, w-wet him +*leans over* nyame his nyame, and t-teww them pwainwy he xDD is Snyug the joinyew. +QUINCE. Weww, i-it shaww be so. But thewe xDD is t-two hawd things- that +is, to bwing the moonwight into :3 a chambew; fow, :33 you knyow, Pywamus +and Thisby meet by moonwight. +SNyOUT. Doth the moon s-shinye that nyight we pway ouw pway? +BOTTOM. A cawendaw, :3 a ^.^ cawendaw! Wook in the awmanyack; find out +moonshinye, find out moonshinye. +QUINCE. Yes, i-it doth s-shinye that nyight. +BOTTOM. Why, then may :33 you weave :3 a casement of the g-gweat chambew +window, whewe we :33 pway, open; and the moon may s-shinye in *teleports behind you* at the +casement. +QUINCE. Ay; ow ewse onye must come in w-with :3 a b-bush of thowns and :3 a +wantewn, and say he comes to disfiguwe ow to pwesent the pewson +of M-Moonshinye. Then thewe xDD is uWu anyothew thing: we must *looks away* have :3 a waww in +the g-gweat chambew; f-fow Pywamus and Thisby, says the stowy, did +t-tawk thwough the chink of :3 a *leans over* waww. +SNyOUT. You can nyevew bwing in :3 a *leans over* waww. What say you, Bottom? +BOTTOM. Some man ow othew must pwesent Waww; and w-wet him *looks away* have some +p-pwastew, ow some woam, ow some wough-cast ^w^ about him, to signyify +waww; and w-wet him howd his fingews thus, and thwough that cwanny +shaww Pywamus and Thisby whispew. +QUINCE. I-If that may be, then aww xDD is weww. Come, sit down, evewy +mothew's son, and *teleports behind you* weheawse youw pawts. P-Pywamus, :33 you begin; when +:33 you *looks away* have spoken youw s-speech, entew into that bwake; and so evewy +onye accowding to his ^.^ cue. + +Entew P-PUCK behind + +PUCK. What h-hempen homespuns *looks away* have we s-swagg'wing hewe, +S-So nyeaw the cwadwe of the Faiwy Queen? +*looks away* What, :3 a pway towawd! I-I'ww be an UwU auditow; +An actow too pewhaps, i-if I see cause. +QUINCE. Speak, *screams* Pywamus. Thisby, s-stand fowth. +BOTTOM. Thisby, the fwowews of odious savouws sweet- +QUINCE. 'Odious'- odowous! +BOTTOM. -odouws savouws sweet; +S-So hath thy bweath, my deawest Thisby deaw. +But h-hawk, :3 a voice! *cuddles you* Stay thou b-but hewe a-awhiwe, +:33 And by and by I wiww to thee appeaw. E-Exit +PUCK. A stwangew Pywamus than e-e'ew pwayed hewe! E-Exit +FWUTE. Must I speak nyow? +QUINCE. Ay, mawwy, must y-you; f-fow :33 you must undewstand he goes b-but to +see :3 a nyoise that he h-heawd, and xDD is to come again. +FWUTE. Most wadiant P-Pywamus, m-most wiwy-white of hue, +Of cowouw wike the wed wose on twiumphant b-bwiew, +Most bwisky juvenyaw, and eke m-most wuvwy Jew, +As twue as twuest howse, that wouwd nyevew tiwe, +I-I'ww meet thee, P-Pywamus, *teleports behind you* at *twerks* Nyinny's tomb. +QUINCE. 'Nyinyus' tomb,' man! Why, :33 you must nyot speak that yet; that +:33 you a-answew to *screams* Pywamus. You speak aww youw pawt *teleports behind you* at :3 once, cues, and +aww. Pywamus entew: youw cue xDD is past; i-it xDD is 'nyevew tiwe.' +FWUTE. *blushes* O- As twue as twuest howse, that y et wouwd nyevew tiwe. + +We-entew PUCK, and *blushes* BOTTOM w-with an ass's head + +BOTTOM. I-If I wewe faiw, Thisby, I wewe onwy *looks at you* thinye. +QUINCE. uWu O monstwous! uWu O stwange! We awe haunted. Pway, mastews! fwy, +mastews! H-Hewp! +Exeunt aww b-but *blushes* BOTTOM and P-PUCK +PUCK. I-I'ww fowwow y-you; I-I'ww wead :33 you ^w^ about :3 a wound, +Thwough b-bog, thwough bush, thwough bwake, thwough bwiew; +Sometime :3 a howse I-I'ww be, sometime :3 a hound, +A hog, :3 a headwess beaw, sometime :3 a fiwe; +:33 And nyeigh, and bawk, and gwunt, and woaw, and buwn, +Wike howse, hound, hog, beaw, f-fiwe, *teleports behind you* at evewy tuwn. +E-Exit +BOTTOM. Why do they wun away? T-This xDD is :3 a knyavewy of them to m-make me +afeawd. + +We-entew SNyOUT + +SNyOUT. uWu O B-Bottom, thou awt chang'd! What do I see on thee? +BOTTOM. What do :33 you see? You see an ass-head of youw own, do you? +E-Exit SNyOUT + +We-entew QUINCE + +QUINCE. B-Bwess thee, B-Bottom, b-bwess thee! Thou awt twanswated. +E-Exit +BOTTOM. I see theiw knyavewy: this xDD is to m-make an ass of me; to +^.^ fwight me, i-if they couwd. But I wiww nyot stiw f-fwom this pwace, do +what they can; I wiww wawk up and down hewe, and wiww sing, that +they shaww heaw I *giggles shyly* am nyot afwaid. [Sings] + +The *screams* ousew cock, so bwack of hue, +With owange-tawny biww, +The thwostwe w-with his nyote so twue, +The wwen w-with wittwe quiww. + +TITANyIA. What angew UwU wakes me f-fwom my fwow'wy bed? +BOTTOM. [Sings] +The finch, the spawwow, and the wawk, +The pwain-song OwO cuckoo g-gwey, +W-Whose nyote fuww many :3 a man doth mawk, +:33 And dawes nyot a-answew nyay- +fow, i-indeed, who wouwd set his wit to so f-foowish :3 a biwd? +Who wouwd give :3 a biwd the uWu he, t-though he cwy 'cuckoo' nyevew so? +TITANyIA. I pway thee, gentwe mowtaw, sing again. +Minye e-eaw xDD is x3 much enyamouwed of thy *twerks* nyote; +S-So xDD is minye ^-^ eye enthwawwed to thy shape; +:33 And thy f-faiw *shuffles closer* viwtue's fowce pewfowce doth muv me, +On the fiwst view, to say, to sweaw, I wuv *cuddles you* thee. +BOTTOM. M-Methinks, mistwess, :33 you shouwd *looks away* have wittwe weason f-fow that. +:33 And yet, to say the twuth, weason and wuv keep wittwe *giggles shyly* company +>_> togethew nyow-a-days. The mowe the pity that some honyest +nyeighbouws wiww nyot m-make them fwiends. Nyay, I can gweek upon +*shuffles closer* occasion. +TITANyIA. Thou awt as wise as thou awt beautifuw. +BOTTOM. Nyot s-so, nyeithew; b-but i-if I had wit enyough to get out of this +wood, I *looks away* have enyough to sewve minye own tuwn. +TITANyIA. Out of this wood do nyot UwU desiwe to go; +Thou shawt wemain hewe whethew thou wiwt ow nyo. +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a spiwit of nyo common w-wate; +The *cuddles you* summew ^-^ stiww doth tend upon my state; +:33 And I do wuv thee; thewefowe, go w-with me. +I-I'ww give thee faiwies to attend on thee; +:33 And they shaww fetch thee jewews f-fwom the deep, +:33 And sing, w-whiwe thou on pwessed fwowews dost sweep; +:33 And I wiww *looks away* puwge thy mowtaw gwossnyess so +That thou shawt wike an >_> aiwy spiwit go. +Peasebwossom! C-Cobweb! uWu Moth! and Mustawdseed! + +Entew PEASEBWOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, and MUSTAWDSEED + +uWu PEASEBWOSSOM. Weady. +C-COBWEB. :33 And I-I. +MOTH. :33 And I-I. +MUSTAWDSEED. :33 And I-I. +AWW. Whewe shaww we go? +TITANyIA. Be kind and couwteous to this gentweman; +H-Hop in his wawks and gambow in his eyes; +OwO Feed him w-with *sighs* apwicocks and *hugs tightly* dewbewwies, +With puwpwe gwapes, gween figs, and muwbewwies; +The honyey bags steaw f-fwom the humbwe-bees, +:33 And f-fow *blushes* nyight-tapews cwop theiw waxen *leans over* thighs, +:33 And wight them *teleports behind you* at the fiewy gwow-wowm's eyes, +To *looks away* have my wuv to *looks away* bed and to awise; +:33 And pwuck the wings f-fwom painted buttewfwies, +To fan the moonbeams f-fwom his sweeping eyes. +Nyod to him, ewves, and do him couwtesies. +uWu PEASEBWOSSOM. Haiw, mowtaw! +C-COBWEB. H-Haiw! +MOTH. H-Haiw! +MUSTAWDSEED. H-Haiw! +BOTTOM. I cwy youw wowships mewcy, heawtiwy; I b-beseech youw +uWu wowship's nyame. +C-COBWEB. Cobweb. +BOTTOM. I shaww UwU desiwe :33 you of mowe acquaintance, good M-Mastew +Cobweb. I-If I cut my fingew, I shaww m-make bowd w-with you. Youw +nyame, honyest g-gentweman? +uWu PEASEBWOSSOM. P-Peasebwossom. +BOTTOM. I pway you, commend me to Mistwess Squash, youw mothew, and +to M-Mastew Peascod, youw uWu fathew. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew Peasebwossom, I shaww +UwU desiwe :33 you of mowe acquaintance too. Youw nyame, I b-beseech you, +siw? +MUSTAWDSEED. *looks at you* Mustawdseed. +BOTTOM. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew M-Mustawdseed, I knyow youw patience weww. That +>_> same *screams* cowawdwy giant-wike *pokes you* ox-beef hath devouw'd many :3 a gentweman +of youw house. I pwomise :33 you youw *teleports behind you* kindwed hath xDD made my eyes watew +ewe nyow. I UwU desiwe :33 you of mowe acquaintance, good M-Mastew +*looks at you* Mustawdseed. +TITANyIA. Come, wait upon him; wead him to my bowew. +The moon, methinks, wooks w-with :3 a w-wat'wy eye; +:33 And when she weeps, weeps evewy wittwe f-fwowew; +Wamenting some *teleports behind you* enfowced chastity. +Tie up my wuv's t-tongue, bwing him siwentwy. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the wood + +Entew >_< OBEWON + +OBEWON. I w-wondew i-if *blushes* Titanyia be awak'd; +Then, what i-it w-was that nyext came in hew eye, +Which she must dote on in UwU extwemity. + +Entew P-PUCK + +Hewe comes my m-messengew. How nyow, mad spiwit! +What nyight-wuwe *pokes you* nyow ^w^ about this haunted >_< gwuv? +PUCK. My mistwess w-with :3 a monstew xDD is in wuv. +Nyeaw to hew cwose and consecwated bowew, +Whiwe she w-was in hew duww and sweeping houw, +A >_> cwew of patches, wude mechanyicaws, +That wowk f-fow bwead upon Athenyian stawws, +W-Wewe met >_> togethew to *teleports behind you* weheawse :3 a pway +Intended f-fow g-gweat Theseus' nyuptiaw *sweats* day. +The shawwowest *looks away* thickskin of that bawwen sowt, +Who Pywamus pwesented, in theiw OwO spowt +F-Fowsook his scenye and ent'wed in :3 a bwake; +When I did him *teleports behind you* at this advantage t-take, +An ass's nyowe I f-fixed on his head. +Anyon his Thisby must be answewed, +:33 And fowth my mimic comes. When they him *looks away* spy, +As wiwd geese that the >_> cweeping f-fowwew eye, +Ow wusset-pated choughs, many in sowt, +W-Wising and cawing *teleports behind you* at the gun's wepowt, +Sevew themsewves and madwy sweep the sky, +S-So *teleports behind you* at his sight away his fewwows fwy; +:33 And *teleports behind you* at ouw s-stamp hewe, o'ew and o'ew onye fawws; +He muwdew cwies, and h-hewp f-fwom Athens cawws. +Theiw sense uWu thus weak, wost w-with theiw feaws uWu thus stwong, +Made s-sensewess *moans* things begin to do them wwong, +Fow bwiews and thowns *teleports behind you* at theiw appawew snyatch; +Some *cuddles you* sweeves, some hats, f-fwom yiewdews aww *moans* things x3 catch. +I wed them on in this distwacted f-feaw, +:33 And weft sweet Pywamus twanswated thewe; +When in that m-moment, so i-it came to :33 pass, +*blushes* Titanyia wak'd, and stwaightway wov'd an a-ass. +OBEWON. T-This fawws out bettew than I couwd devise. +But hast thou y-yet watch'd the Athenyian's eyes +With the wuv-juice, as I did *giggles shyly* bid thee do? +PUCK. I t-took him sweeping- that xDD is finyish'd too- +:33 And the Athenyian woman by his side; +That, when he wak'd, of fowce she must be ey'd. + +Entew DEMETWIUS and HEWMIA + +OBEWON. Stand cwose; this xDD is the >_> same Athenyian. +PUCK. T-This xDD is the woman, b-but nyot this the man. +DEMETWIUS. O, why webuke :33 you him that wuvs :33 you so? +*giggles shyly* Way bweath so bittew on youw bittew foe. +HEWMIA. Nyow I b-but chide, b-but I shouwd use thee wowse, +Fow >w< thou, I f-feaw, hast xDD given me cause to *hugs tightly* cuwse. +I-If thou hast swain Wysandew in his sweep, +:3 Being o'ew shoes in bwood, pwunge in the deep, +:33 And kiww me too. +The sun w-was nyot so twue unto the day +As he to me. Wouwd he *looks away* have stowen away +Fwom sweeping Hewmia? I-I'ww bewieve as soon +T-This *shuffles closer* whowe eawth may be b-bow'd, and that the moon +May thwough the centwe cweep and so dispwease +Hew *cuddles you* bwothew's n-nyoontide w-with *sighs* th' Antipodes. +It cannyot be b-but thou hast muwd'wed him; +S-So shouwd :3 a muwdewew wook- so dead, so g-gwim. +DEMETWIUS. S-So shouwd the muwdewed w-wook; and so shouwd I, +^.^ Piewc'd thwough the h-heawt w-with youw stewn cwuewty; +Yet you, the muwdewew, wook as bwight, as cweaw, +As yondew *sighs* Venyus in hew gwimmewing sphewe. +HEWMIA. What's this to my Wysandew? Whewe xDD is he? +A-Ah, good Demetwius, wiwt thou give him m-me? +DEMETWIUS. I had wathew give his *looks at you* cawcass to my h-hounds. +HEWMIA. Out, d-dog! out, cuw! Thou dwiv'st me past the bounds +Of maiden's patience. *hugs tightly* Hast thou swain him, then? +Hencefowth be nyevew nyumb'wed among *screams* men! +O, *screams* once t-teww twue; t-teww twue, even f-fow my sake! +Duwst thou *looks away* have w-wook'd upon him b-being awake, +:33 And hast thou kiww'd him s-sweeping? uWu O bwave touch! +Couwd nyot :3 a w-wowm, an addew, do so m-much? +An addew did it; f-fow w-with doubwew *notices bulge* tongue +Than thinye, thou sewpent, nyevew addew s-stung. +DEMETWIUS. You spend youw passion on :3 a mispwis'd mood: +I *giggles shyly* am nyot ^-^ guiwty of Wysandew's bwood; +Nyow xDD is he dead, f-fow a-aught that I can teww. +HEWMIA. I pway thee, t-teww me then that he xDD is weww. +DEMETWIUS. An i-if I couwd, what shouwd I get thewefowe? +HEWMIA. A pwiviwege nyevew to see me mowe. +:33 And f-fwom thy >_< hated pwesence pawt I so; +>_> See me nyo mowe whethew he be dead ow nyo. E-Exit +DEMETWIUS. Thewe xDD is nyo fowwowing hew in this fiewce vein; +Hewe, thewefowe, f-fow :3 a w-whiwe I wiww wemain. +S-So *cries* sowwow's heavinyess doth heaview gwow +Fow debt that bankwupt sweep doth sowwow owe; +Which *pokes you* nyow in some s-swight measuwe i-it wiww pay, +I-If f-fow his tendew hewe I m-make some s-stay. [Wies down] +OBEWON. What hast thou donye? Thou hast mistaken *screams* quite, +:33 And *hugs tightly* waid the wuv-juice on some t-twue-wuv's sight. +Of thy mispwision must pewfowce ensue +Some twue wuv *notices bulge* tuwn'd, and nyot :3 a fawse tuwn'd twue. +PUCK. Then fate o-o'ew-wuwes, t-that, onye man howding twoth, +A miwwion faiw, confounding oath on oath. +OBEWON. About the wood go swiftew than the wind, +:33 And H-Hewenya of Athens wook thou find; +A-Aww ;;w;; fancy-sick she xDD is and pawe of cheew, +With sighs of wuv that costs the fwesh bwood deaw. +By some iwwusion see thou bwing hew hewe; +I-I'ww *twerks* chawm his eyes against she do appeaw. +PUCK. I go, I go; wook how I go, +Swiftew than awwow f-fwom the Tawtaw's bow. E-Exit +OBEWON. Fwowew of this puwpwe dye, +OwO Hit w-with Cupid's awchewy, +Sink in appwe of his eye. +When his wuv he doth x3 espy, +Wet hew s-shinye as gwowiouswy +As the *sighs* Venyus of the s-sky. +When thou ;;w;; wak'st, i-if she be by, +Beg of hew f-fow wemedy. + +We-entew P-PUCK + +PUCK. Captain of ouw faiwy band, +H-Hewenya xDD is hewe *teleports behind you* at hand, +:33 And the youth m-mistook by me +*notices bulge* Pweading f-fow :3 a wuvw's fee; +Shaww we theiw fond pageant see? +Wowd, what foows these mowtaws be! +OBEWON. Stand aside. The nyoise they m-make +Wiww cause Demetwius to awake. +PUCK. Then wiww t-two *teleports behind you* at *screams* once woo onye. +That must nyeeds be OwO spowt awonye; +:33 And those *moans* things do best p-pwease me +That befaww p-pwepost'wouswy. + +Entew WYSANDEW and HEWENyA + +^-^ WYSANDEW. Why shouwd :33 you think that I shouwd woo in scown? +Scown and d-dewision nyevew come in teaws. +Wook when I vow, I weep; and vows so bown, +In theiw nyativity aww *looks away* twuth appeaws. +How can these *moans* things in me *teleports behind you* seem scown to you, +Beawing the *sighs* badge of faith, to pwuv them twue? +H-HEWENyA. You do *screams* advance youw cunnying mowe and mowe. +When *looks away* twuth k-kiwws twuth, uWu O deviwish-howy fway! +These vows awe Hewmia's. Wiww :33 you give hew o'ew? +Weigh oath w-with o-oath, and :33 you wiww nyothing :33 weigh: +Youw vows to hew and me, put in t-two scawes, +Wiww even w-weigh; and both as wight as tawes. +^-^ WYSANDEW. I hod nyo judgment when to hew I swowe. +H-HEWENyA. Nyow nyonye, in my mind, *pokes you* nyow :33 you give hew o'ew. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Demetwius wuvs hew, and he wuvs nyot you. +DEMETWIUS. [Awaking] uWu O Hewen, goddess, nymph, pewfect, divinye! +To what, my OwO wuv, shaww I compawe thinye eynye? +Cwystaw xDD is muddy. O, how wipe in show +Thy wips, those ;;w;; kissing chewwies, tempting gwow! +That puwe congeawed ÚwÚ white, high Tauwus' snyow, +*looks at you* Fann'd w-with the eastewn wind, t-tuwns to :3 a cwow +When thou howd'st up thy hand. O, w-wet me kiss +T-This pwincess of puwe ÚwÚ white, this seaw of bwiss! +H-HEWENyA. uWu O spite! uWu O heww! I see :33 you aww awe bent +To set against me f-fow youw mewwiment. +I-If :33 you wewe civiw and knyew couwtesy, +You wouwd nyot do me uWu thus x3 much injuwy. +*sweats* Can :33 you nyot *giggles shyly* hate me, as I knyow :33 you do, +But :33 you must join in souws to m-mock me too? +I-If :33 you wewe men, as men :33 you awe in show, +You wouwd nyot use :3 a gentwe wady so: +To vow, and sweaw, and *teleports behind you* supewpwaise my pawts, +When I *giggles shyly* am suwe :33 you *giggles shyly* hate me w-with youw heawts. +You both awe wivaws, and wuv Hewmia; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow both wivaws, to m-mock Hewenya. +A twim expwoit, :3 a m-manwy entewpwise, +To *giggles shyly* conjuwe teaws up in :3 a poow maid's eyes +With youw d-dewision! Nyonye of nyobwe sowt +Wouwd so offend :3 a viwgin, and e-extowt +A poow souw's patience, aww to m-make :33 you spowt. +^-^ WYSANDEW. You awe unkind, Demetwius; be nyot so; +Fow :33 you wuv H-Hewmia. T-This :33 you knyow I knyow; +:33 And hewe, w-with aww good wiww, w-with aww my h-heawt, +In Hewmia's wuv I y-yiewd :33 you up my pawt; +:33 And youws of H-Hewenya to me bequeath, +*leans over* Whom I do wuv and wiww do tiww my death. +H-HEWENyA. Nyevew did mockews >_> waste mowe idwe bweath. +DEMETWIUS. :33 Wysandew, keep thy Hewmia; I wiww nyonye. +I-If e-e'ew I wov'd hew, aww that wuv xDD is gonye. +My h-heawt to hew b-but as guest-wise sojouwn'd, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow to Hewen xDD is i-it home w-wetuwn'd, +Thewe to wemain. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Hewen, i-it xDD is nyot so. +DEMETWIUS. Dispawage nyot the faith thou dost nyot knyow, +West, to thy pewiw, thou aby i-it deaw. +Wook whewe thy wuv comes; yondew xDD is thy deaw. + +Entew HEWMIA + +HEWMIA. Dawk nyight, that f-fwom the ^-^ eye his function takes, +The e-eaw mowe quick of appwehension m-makes; +Whewein i-it doth impaiw the seeing sense, +It pays the heawing *looks away* doubwe wecompense. +Thou awt nyot by minye eye, :33 Wysandew, found; +Minye eaw, I *notices bulge* thank uWu it, >w< bwought me to thy sound. +But why unkindwy didst thou weave me so? +^-^ WYSANDEW. Why shouwd he stay whom wuv doth pwess to go? +HEWMIA. What wuv couwd pwess Wysandew f-fwom my side? +^-^ WYSANDEW. Wysandew's OwO wuv, that wouwd nyot w-wet him bide- +Faiw Hewenya, who mowe engiwds the nyight +Than aww y-yon fiewy oes and eyes of w-wight. +Why s-seek'st thou m-me? Couwd nyot this m-make thee knyow +The *giggles shyly* hate I bawe thee xDD made me weave thee so? +HEWMIA. You speak nyot as :33 you think; i-it cannyot b-be. +H-HEWENyA. Wo, she xDD is onye of this confedewacy! +Nyow I pewceive they *looks away* have conjoin'd aww thwee +To fashion this fawse OwO spowt in spite of me. +Injuwious Hewmia! m-most ungwatefuw >_> maid! +Have :33 you *cries* conspiw'd, *looks away* have :33 you w-with these contwiv'd, +To bait me w-with this fouw dewision? +Is aww the counsew that we t-two *looks away* have shaw'd, +The sistews' vows, the houws that we *looks away* have spent, +When we *looks away* have chid the hasty-footed ;;w;; time +Fow pawting us- O, xDD is aww fowgot? +A-Aww *leans over* schoow-days' fwiendship, chiwdhood *leans over* innyocence? +We, Hewmia, wike t-two a-awtificiaw gods, +Have w-with ouw n-nyeedwes cweated both onye fwowew, +B-Both on onye OwO sampwew, sitting on onye cushion, +B-Both wawbwing of onye song, both in onye key; +As i-if ouw hands, ouw ;;w;; sides, voices, and *pokes you* minds, +Had been incowpowate. S-So we gwew togethew, +Wike to :3 a *looks away* doubwe chewwy, seeming pawted, +But y-yet an unyion in pawtition, +Two wuvwy b-bewwies m-mouwded on onye stewn; +S-So, w-with t-two seeming >w< bodies, b-but onye heawt; +Two of the *twerks* fiwst, wike x3 coats in hewawdwy, +Due b-but to onye, and cwownyed w-with onye cwest. +:33 And wiww :33 you went ouw ancient wuv asundew, +To join w-with men in s-scownying youw poow fwiend? +It xDD is nyot fwiendwy, 'tis nyot maidenwy; +Ouw sex, as weww as I, may chide :33 you f-fow uWu it, +*shuffles closer* Though I uWu awonye do feew the injuwy. +HEWMIA. I *giggles shyly* am amazed *teleports behind you* at youw passionyate wowds; +I scown :33 you nyot; i-it seems that :33 you scown me. +H-HEWENyA. Have :33 you nyot set :33 Wysandew, as in :33 scown, +To fowwow me and pwaise my eyes and face? +:33 And xDD made youw othew OwO wuv, Demetwius, +Who even b-but *pokes you* nyow did spuwn me w-with his foot, +To caww me goddess, nymph, ^w^ divinye, and wawe, +Pwecious, cewestiaw? Whewefowe speaks he this +To hew he hates? :33 And whewefowe doth Wysandew +Deny youw OwO wuv, so wich *teleports behind you* within his souw, +:33 And tendew me, fowsooth, affection, +But by youw ^.^ setting on, by youw consent? +What t-though I be nyot so in gwace as you, +S-So hung upon w-with OwO wuv, so fowtunyate, +But misewabwe most, to wuv unwov'd? +T-This :33 you shouwd pity wathew than despise. +HEWMIA. I undewstand nyot what :33 you m-mean by this. +H-HEWENyA. Ay, do- pewsevew, c-countewfeit s-sad *shuffles closer* wooks, +M-Make mouths upon me when I t-tuwn my back, +Wink each *teleports behind you* at othew; howd the sweet j-jest up; +T-This spowt, weww cawwied, shaww be *shuffles closer* chwonyicwed. +I-If :33 you *looks away* have *sighs* any p-pity, gwace, ow mannyews, +You wouwd nyot m-make me *looks at you* such an awgument. +But fawe ye weww; 'tis pawtwy my own fauwt, +Which death, ow a-absence, soon shaww wemedy. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Stay, gentwe Hewenya; heaw my *teleports behind you* excuse; +My OwO wuv, my wife, my souw, f-faiw Hewenya! +H-HEWENyA. uWu O excewwent! +HEWMIA. Sweet, do nyot scown hew so. +DEMETWIUS. I-If she cannyot entweat, I can c-compew. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Thou c-canst compew nyo mowe than she entweat; +Thy thweats *looks away* have nyo mowe stwength than hew w-weak p-pwayews +Hewen, I wuv thee, by my w-wife I do; +I sweaw by that which I wiww wose f-fow thee +To pwuv him fawse that says I wuv thee nyot. +DEMETWIUS. I say I wuv thee mowe than he can do. +^-^ WYSANDEW. I-If thou say s-so, withdwaw, and pwuv i-it too. +DEMETWIUS. Quick, come. +HEWMIA. :33 Wysandew, wheweto tends aww *shuffles closer* this? +^-^ WYSANDEW. Away, :33 you Ethiope! +DEMETWIUS. Nyo, nyo, he wiww +Seem to bweak woose- take on as :33 you wouwd fowwow, +But y-yet come nyot. You awe :3 a *moans* tame man; go! +^-^ WYSANDEW. Hang off, thou c-cat, thou buww; viwe thing, w-wet woose, +Ow I wiww shake thee f-fwom me wike :3 a sewpent. +HEWMIA. Why awe :33 you gwown so wude? What change xDD is this, +Sweet w-wuv? +^-^ WYSANDEW. Thy *hugs tightly* wuv! Out, tawny Tawtaw, out! +Out, xDD woathed m-med'cinye! uWu O >_< hated potion, hence! +HEWMIA. Do :33 you nyot jest? +H-HEWENyA. Yes, sooth; and so do you. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Demetwius, I wiww keep my w-wowd w-with *cuddles you* thee. +DEMETWIUS. I wouwd I had youw bond; f-fow I pewceive +A w-weak *moans* bond howds y-you; I-I'ww nyot twust youw wowd. +^-^ WYSANDEW. *looks away* What, shouwd I *cries* huwt hew, stwike hew, kiww hew dead? +Awthough I *giggles shyly* hate hew, I-I'ww nyot hawm hew so. +HEWMIA. What! *sweats* Can :33 you do me gweatew hawm than hate? +Hate :33 me! *looks away* whewefowe? uWu O :33 me! what n-nyews, my w-wuv? +*screams* Am nyot I Hewmia? Awe nyot :33 you Wysandew? +I *giggles shyly* am as f-faiw *pokes you* nyow as I w-was e-ewewhiwe. +Since nyight :33 you wov'd me; y-yet since nyight :33 you weft me. +Why then, :33 you weft me- O, the g-gods fowbid!- +In eawnyest, shaww I say? +^-^ WYSANDEW. Ay, by my wife! +:33 And nyevew did UwU desiwe to see thee mowe. +Thewefowe be out of hope, of question, of doubt; +Be c-cewtain, nyothing twuew; 'tis nyo j-jest +That I do *giggles shyly* hate thee and wuv Hewenya. +HEWMIA. uWu O :33 me! :33 you OwO juggwew! :33 you *twerks* cankewbwossom! +You thief of *hugs tightly* wuv! What! Have :33 you come by nyight, +:33 And stow'n my wuv's h-heawt f-fwom *notices bulge* him? +H-HEWENyA. F-Finye, i' faith! +Have :33 you nyo m-modesty, nyo *notices bulge* maiden shame, +*cuddles you* Nyo touch of bashfuwnyess? What! Wiww :33 you teaw +I-Impatient answews f-fwom my gentwe tongue? +^-^ Fie, fie! :33 you countewfeit, :33 you puppet you! +HEWMIA. 'Puppet!' why so? Ay, that way goes the game. +Nyow I pewceive that she hath xDD made compawe +Between ouw statuwes; she hath uwg'd hew height; +:33 And w-with hew pewsonyage, hew taww pewsonyage, +Hew height, fowsooth, she hath pwevaiw'd w-with :33 him. +:33 And awe :33 you gwown so high in his esteem +:33 Because I *giggles shyly* am so dwawfish and so w-wow? +How wow *giggles shyly* am I, thou painted maypowe? Speak. +How wow *giggles shyly* am I-I? I *giggles shyly* am nyot y-yet so wow +But that my nyaiws can weach unto thinye eyes. +H-HEWENyA. I pway you, t-though :33 you m-mock me, g-gentwemen, +Wet hew nyot *cries* huwt me. I w-was nyevew cuwst; +I *looks away* have nyo gift *teleports behind you* at aww in shwewishnyess; +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a wight maid f-fow my cowawdice; +Wet hew nyot stwike me. You pewhaps may think, +:33 Because she xDD is something wowew than mysewf, +That I can match hew. +HEWMIA. *twerks* 'Wowew' h-hawk, again. +H-HEWENyA. *pokes you* Good Hewmia, do nyot be so bittew w-with me. +I e-evewmowe did wuv you, Hewmia, +Did evew keep youw *notices bulge* counsews, nyevew wwong'd y-you; +Save t-that, in wuv unto Demetwius, +I towd him of youw uWu steawth unto this wood. +He f-fowwowed y-you; f-fow wuv I f-fowwowed him; +But he hath chid me hence, and thweat'nyed me +To stwike me, spuwn me, nyay, to kiww me too; +:33 And nyow, so :33 you wiww w-wet me quiet go, +To Athens wiww I *hugs tightly* beaw my fowwy back, +:33 And fowwow :33 you nyo fuwthew. Wet me go. +You see how simpwe and how fond I am. +HEWMIA. Why, get :33 you UwU gonye! Who is't that *giggles shyly* hindews you? +H-HEWENyA. A f-foowish h-heawt that I weave hewe behind. +HEWMIA. What! w-with Wysandew? +H-HEWENyA. With Demetwius. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Be nyot a-afwaid; she shaww nyot hawm thee, Hewenya. +DEMETWIUS. Nyo, siw, she shaww nyot, t-though :33 you take hew pawt. +H-HEWENyA. O, when she xDD is *shuffles closer* angwy, she xDD is keen and s-shwewd; +^.^ She w-was :3 a vixen when she went to schoow; +And, t-though she be b-but wittwe, she xDD is fiewce. +HEWMIA. 'Wittwe' again! Nyothing b-but 'wow' and '-'wittwe'! +Why wiww :33 you suffew hew to fwout me thus? +Wet me come to hew. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Get :33 you gonye, :33 you dwawf; +You minyimus, of *looks at you* hind'wing knyot-gwass made; +You bead, :33 you acown. +DEMETWIUS. You awe too officious +In hew b-behawf that scowns youw sewvices. +Wet hew awonye; speak nyot of Hewenya; +Take nyot hew pawt; f-fow i-if thou dost i-intend +Nyevew so wittwe show of wuv to hew, +Thou shawt aby *hugs tightly* it. +^-^ WYSANDEW. Nyow she howds me nyot. +Nyow fowwow, i-if thou :33 daw'st, to twy *screams* whose wight, +Of thinye ow minye, xDD is m-most in Hewenya. +DEMETWIUS. Fowwow! Nyay, I-I'ww go w-with thee, cheek by joww. +Exeunt WYSANDEW and DEMETWIUS +HEWMIA. ^.^ You, mistwess, aww this coiw xDD is wong of you. +Nyay, go nyot back. +H-HEWENyA. I wiww nyot twust you, I; +Nyow wongew stay in youw cuwst company. +Youw hands than minye awe quickew f-fow :3 a xDD fway; +My *hugs tightly* wegs awe wongew t-though, to wun a-away. E-Exit +HEWMIA. I *giggles shyly* am amaz'd, and knyow nyot what to say. E-Exit +OBEWON. T-This xDD is thy *teleports behind you* nyegwigence. Stiww thou mistak'st, +Ow ewse committ'st thy *giggles shyly* knyavewies wiwfuwwy. +PUCK. Bewieve me, king of *twerks* shadows, I mistook. +Did nyot :33 you t-teww me I shouwd knyow the man +By the Athenyian gawments he had on? +:33 And so faw bwamewess pwuvs my e-entewpwise +That I *looks away* have x3 'nyointed an Athenyian's eyes; +:33 And so faw *giggles shyly* am I gwad i-it so did sowt, +As this theiw jangwing I esteem :3 a spowt. +OBEWON. Thou seest these wuvws seek :3 a pwace to fight. +Hie thewefowe, Wobin, uvwcast the nyight; +The stawwy >w< wewkin cuvw thou anyon +With dwooping fog as bwack as Achewon, +:33 And wead these t-testy w-wivaws so a-astway +As onye come nyot *teleports behind you* within anyothew's w-way. +Wike to Wysandew sometime fwame thy t-tongue, +Then stiw Demetwius up w-with bittew w-wwong; +:33 And sometime waiw thou wike Demetwius; +:33 And f-fwom each othew wook thou wead them thus, +Tiww o'ew theiw bwows death-countewfeiting sweep +With weaden *hugs tightly* wegs and *leans over* batty wings doth cweep. +Then cwush this hewb into Wysandew's eye; +W-Whose wiquow hath this viwtuous pwopewty, +To take f-fwom uWu thence aww ewwow w-with his might +:33 And m-make his eyebawws *cries* woww w-with w-wonted sight. +When they nyext w-wake, aww this d-dewision +Shaww *teleports behind you* seem :3 a dweam and fwuitwess ^-^ vision; +:33 And back to Athens shaww the wuvws wend +With weague *screams* whose d-date tiww death shaww nyevew end. +Whiwes I in this affaiw do thee empwoy, +I-I'ww to my queen, and beg hew Indian boy; +:33 And then I wiww hew chawmed ^-^ eye wewease +Fwom monstew's view, and aww *moans* things shaww be peace. +PUCK. My faiwy wowd, this must be d-donye w-with *blushes* haste, +Fow nyight's swift dwagons cut the cwouds fuww fast; +:33 And yondew shinyes Auwowa's hawbingew, +At *screams* whose appwoach *sighs* ghosts, w-wand'wing hewe and thewe, +Twoop home to chuwchyawds. Damnyed spiwits aww +That in cwoss-ways and fwoods *looks away* have buwiaw, +Awweady to theiw wowmy beds awe gonye, +Fow feaw west day shouwd wook theiw shames upon; +They :3 wiwfuwwy themsewves e-exiw'd f-fwom wight, +:33 And must f-fow aye c-consowt w-with bwack-bwow'd nyight. +OBEWON. But we awe spiwits of uWu anyothew sowt: +I w-with the *sighs* Mownying's wuv *looks away* have oft xDD made spowt; +And, wike :3 a fowestew, the gwuvs may t-twead +Even tiww the eastewn gate, aww fiewy wed, +Openying on Nyeptunye w-with f-faiw bwessed beams, +Tuwns into yewwow gowd his sawt gween stweams. +But, nyotwithstanding, *blushes* haste, m-make nyo deway; +We may effect this businyess y-yet ewe *sweats* day. E-Exit >_< OBEWON +PUCK. Up and down, up and down, +I wiww wead them up and down. +I *giggles shyly* am feaw'd in fiewd and town. +Gobwin, wead them up and down. +Hewe comes onye. + +Entew WYSANDEW + +^-^ WYSANDEW. Whewe awt >w< thou, pwoud Demetwius? Speak thou nyow. +PUCK. Hewe, v-viwwain, d-dwawn and weady. Whewe awt thou? +^-^ WYSANDEW. I wiww be w-with thee stwaight. +PUCK. *sweats* Fowwow me, then, +To pwainyew gwound. E-Exit WYSANDEW as fowwowing the voice + +Entew DEMETWIUS + +DEMETWIUS. :33 Wysandew, speak again. +Thou wunyaway, thou cowawd, awt thou fwed? +Speak! In some b-bush? Whewe dost thou hide thy head? +PUCK. Thou cowawd, awt thou *hugs tightly* bwagging to the staws, +*pokes you* Tewwing the bushes that thou *moans* wook'st f-fow waws, +:33 And wiwt nyot c-come? Come, wecweant, *giggles shyly* come, thou chiwd; +I-I'ww whip thee w-with :3 a wod. He xDD is defiw'd +That dwaws :3 a swowd on *cuddles you* thee. +DEMETWIUS. Yea, awt thou thewe? +PUCK. *sweats* Fowwow my v-voice; we'ww twy nyo manhood hewe. Exeunt + +We-entew WYSANDEW + +^-^ WYSANDEW. He goes befowe me, and ^-^ stiww dawes me on; +When I come whewe he cawws, then he xDD is gonye. +The *moans* viwwain xDD is x3 much wightew heew'd than I-I. +I f-fowwowed fast, b-but fastew he did fwy, +That fawwen *giggles shyly* am I in dawk unyeven w-way, +:33 And hewe wiww west me. [Wies down] Come, thou gentwe *sweats* day. +Fow i-if b-but *screams* once thou show me thy UwU gwey wight, +I-I'ww find Demetwius, and wevenge this spite. [Sweeps] + +We-entew P-PUCK and DEMETWIUS + +PUCK. Ho, ho, ho! Cowawd, why com'st thou UwU nyot? +DEMETWIUS. Abide me, i-if thou daw'st; f-fow weww I wot +Thou wun'st befowe me, s-shifting evewy pwace, +:33 And daw'st nyot stand, *pokes you* nyow wook me in the face. +Whewe awt thou nyow? +PUCK. Come *leans over* hithew; I *giggles shyly* am hewe. +DEMETWIUS. Nyay, then, thou m-mock'st me. Thou shawt buy this deaw, +I-If evew I thy face by daywight ^.^ see; +Nyow, go thy w-way. Faintnyess constwainyeth me +To measuwe out my wength on this cowd bed. +By d-day's appwoach wook to be v-visited. +[Wies down and sweeps] + +Entew HEWENyA + +H-HEWENyA. uWu O weawy nyight, uWu O wong and tedious nyight, +Abate thy h-houws! Shinye comfowts f-fwom the east, +That I may back to Athens by daywight, +Fwom these that my poow *giggles shyly* company *teleports behind you* detest. +:33 And sweep, that sometimes shuts up *cries* sowwow's eye, +Steaw me awhiwe f-fwom minye own company. [Sweeps] +PUCK. Yet b-but thwee? Come onye mowe; +Two of both kinds makes up fouw. +Hewe she comes, cuwst and sad. +Cupid xDD is :3 a knyavish w-wad, +Thus to m-make poow f-femawes mad. + +Entew HEWMIA + +HEWMIA. Nyevew so weawy, nyevew so in woe, +Bedabbwed w-with the dew, and town w-with bwiews, +I can nyo fuwthew cwaww, nyo fuwthew go; +My *hugs tightly* wegs can keep nyo pace w-with my d-desiwes. +Hewe wiww I west me tiww the bweak of *sweats* day. +Heavens shiewd :33 Wysandew, i-if they m-mean :3 a fway! +[Wies down and sweeps] +PUCK. On the gwound +Sweep sound; +I-I'ww appwy +To youw eye, +Gentwe wuvw, wemedy. +[Squeezing the juice on W-WYSANDEW'S eyes] +When thou ;;w;; wak'st, +Thou tak'st +Twue dewight +In the sight +Of thy fowmew w-wady's eye; +:33 And the countwy pwuvwb knyown, +That evewy man shouwd take his own, +In youw waking shaww be shown: +Jack shaww *looks away* have Jiww; +Nyought shaww go *leans over* iww; +The man shaww *looks away* have his m-mawe again, and aww shaww be weww. +E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +The wood. WYSANDEW, DEMETWIUS, H-HEWENyA, and HEWMIA, w-wying a-asweep + +Entew :33 TITANyIA and Bottom; PEASEBWOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, MUSTAWDSEED, +and othew FAIWIES a-attending; +>_< OBEWON behind, unseen + +TITANyIA. Come, sit thee down upon this fwow'wy *teleports behind you* bed, +Whiwe I thy a-amiabwe cheeks do OwO coy, +:33 And stick *notices bulge* musk-woses in thy sweek smooth head, +:33 And kiss thy f-faiw wawge eaws, my gentwe *hugs tightly* joy. +BOTTOM. Whewe's Peasebwossom? +uWu PEASEBWOSSOM. Weady. +BOTTOM. Scwatch my head, P-Peasebwossom. +Whewe's Mounsieuw *pokes you* Cobweb? +C-COBWEB. Weady. +BOTTOM. Mounsieuw Cobweb; good mounsieuw, get :33 you youw weapons in +youw hand and kiww me :3 a ÚwÚ wed-hipp'd humbwe-bee on the top of :3 a +thistwe; and, good mounsieuw, bwing me the honyey-bag. Do nyot fwet +*teleports behind you* youwsewf too x3 much in the action, mounsieuw; and, good mounsieuw, +*looks away* have :3 a cawe the honyey-bag bweak nyot; I wouwd be woath to *looks away* have :33 you +uvwfwown w-with :3 a honyey-bag, signyiow. Whewe's Mounsieuw +Mustawdseed? +MUSTAWDSEED. Weady. +BOTTOM. Give me youw nyeaf, Mounsieuw *looks at you* Mustawdseed. :33 Pway you, weave +youw c-cuwtsy, good *looks at you* mounsieuw. +MUSTAWDSEED. What's youw wiww? +BOTTOM. Nyothing, good mounsieuw, b-but to h-hewp Cavawewy Cobweb to +scwatch. I must to the bawbew's, mounsieuw; f-fow methinks I *giggles shyly* am +mawvewwous haiwy ^w^ about the face; and I *giggles shyly* am *looks at you* such :3 a tendew ass, i-if +my x3 haiw do b-but tickwe me I must scwatch. +TITANyIA. *looks away* What, wiwt thou heaw some music, my sweet w-wuv? +BOTTOM. I *looks away* have :3 a weasonyabwe good e-eaw in *pokes you* music. Wet's *looks away* have the :3 tongs +and the bonyes. +TITANyIA. Ow say, sweet OwO wuv, what thou desiwest to eat. +BOTTOM. Twuwy, :3 a p-peck of pwuvndew; I couwd m-munch youw good dwy +oats. Methinks I *looks away* have :3 a g-gweat UwU desiwe to :3 a *blushes* bottwe of hay. *pokes you* Good +hay, sweet hay, hath nyo fewwow. +TITANyIA. I *looks away* have :3 a ventuwous faiwy that shaww seek +The s-squiwwew's hoawd, and fetch thee nyew nyuts. +BOTTOM. I had wathew *looks away* have :3 a *looks away* handfuw ow t-two of ^-^ dwied peas. But, I +pway you, w-wet nyonye of youw UwU peopwe stiw me; I *looks away* have an e-exposition +of sweep come upon me. +TITANyIA. Sweep >w< thou, and I wiww *cuddles you* wind thee in my awms. +Faiwies, be gonye, and be aww ways a-away. Exeunt FAIWIES +S-So doth the woodbinye the sweet honyeysuckwe +Gentwy entwist; the femawe ivy so +uWu Enwings the bawky fingews of the ewm. +O, how I wuv thee! how I dote on thee! [-[They *giggles shyly* sweep] + +Entew P-PUCK + +OBEWON. x3 [Advancing] Wewcome, good Wobin. Seest thou this sweet +s-sight? +Hew *shuffles closer* dotage *pokes you* nyow I do begin to p-pity; +Fow, m-meeting hew of wate behind the wood, +Seeking sweet f-favouws f-fow this hatefuw foow, +I did *giggles shyly* upbwaid hew and faww out w-with hew. +Fow she his haiwy tempwes then had wounded +With c-cowonyet of fwesh and fwagwant ;;w;; fwowews; +:33 And that >_> same *hugs tightly* dew which sometime on the buds +Was wont to sweww wike wound and :3 owient peawws +Stood *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* within the pwetty fwowewets' eyes, +Wike teaws that did theiw own *shuffles closer* disgwace bewaiw. +When I had *teleports behind you* at my pweasuwe *pokes you* taunted hew, +:33 And she in *sweats* miwd tewms begg'd my patience, +I then did ask of hew hew *notices bulge* changewing chiwd; +Which stwaight she gave me, and hew faiwy sent +To *hugs tightly* beaw him to my bowew in faiwy wand. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow I *looks away* have the boy, I wiww u-undo +T-This hatefuw :33 impewfection of hew eyes. +And, gentwe Puck, take this t-twansfowmed scawp +Fwom off the head of this Athenyian swain, +That he awaking when the othew do +May aww to Athens back a-again wepaiw, +:33 And think nyo mowe of this nyight's accidents +But as the fiewce *notices bulge* vexation of :3 a d-dweam. +But fiwst I wiww wewease the Faiwy Q-Queen. +[Touching hew eyes] +Be as thou wast wont to be; +>_> See as thou w-was wont to see. +Dian's *shuffles closer* bud o'ew Cupid's fwowew +Hath *looks at you* such fowce and bwessed powew. +Nyow, my Titanyia; wake you, my sweet queen. +TITANyIA. My O-Obewon! What v-visions *looks away* have I seen! +Methought I w-was enyamouw'd of an a-ass. +OBEWON. Thewe wies youw wuv. +TITANyIA. How came these *moans* things to p-pass? +O, how minye eyes do woathe his visage *giggles shyly* nyow! +OBEWON. Siwence awhiwe. Wobin, take off this head. +Titanyia, *pokes you* music c-caww; and stwike mowe dead +Than common sweep of aww these f-five the *looks at you* sense. +TITANyIA. Music, ho, music, *looks at you* such as chawmeth sweep! +PUCK. Nyow when thou >_> wak'st w-with thinye own f-foow's eyes ^w^ peep. +OBEWON. Sound, *pokes you* music. Come, my *giggles shyly* Queen, take hands w-with me, +[Music] +:33 And wock the gwound wheweon these sweepews b-be. +Nyow thou and I awe nyew in a-amity, +:33 And wiww to-mowwow *cuddles you* midnyight sowemnwy +*cries* Dance in Duke Theseus' h-house twiumphantwy, +:33 And b-bwess i-it to aww f-faiw *notices bulge* pwospewity. +Thewe shaww the paiws of faithfuw wuvws be +Wedded, w-with Theseus, an in jowwity. +PUCK. Faiwy King, attend and mawk; +I do heaw the ^-^ mownying wawk. +OBEWON. Then, my *giggles shyly* Queen, in siwence sad, +Twip we *looks away* aftew nyight's shade. +We the gwobe can compass soon, +Swiftew than the w-wand'wing moon. +TITANyIA. Come, my wowd; and in ouw f-fwight, +Teww me how i-it came this nyight +That I sweeping hewe w-was found +With these mowtaws on the gwound. Exeunt + +To the winding of *sweats* howns, entew T-THESEUS, HIPPOWYTA, +E-EGEUS, and twain + +THESEUS. Go, onye of you, find out the fowestew; +Fow *pokes you* nyow ouw obsewvation xDD is pewfowm'd, +:33 And since we *looks away* have the vawawd of the :3 day, +My wuv shaww heaw the *pokes you* music of my h-hounds. +Uncoupwe in the westewn vawwey; w-wet them go. +Dispatch, I say, and find the fowestew. E-Exit an ATTENDANT +We wiww, f-faiw *giggles shyly* Queen, up to the mountain's t-top, +:33 And mawk the musicaw confusion +Of hounds and echo in conjunction. +HIPPOWYTA. I w-was w-with Hewcuwes and Cadmus *screams* once +When in :3 a wood of Cwete they bay'd the *hugs tightly* beaw +With hounds of Spawta; nyevew did I heaw +Such gawwant chiding, fow, besides the g-gwuvs, +The skies, the fountains, evewy ;;w;; wegion nyeaw +Seem'd aww onye mutuaw cwy. I nyevew heawd +S-So musicaw :3 a discowd, *looks at you* such sweet thundew. +THESEUS. My hounds awe bwed out of the Spawtan kind, +S-So *twerks* fwew'd, so sanded; and theiw heads awe hung +With eaws that sweep away the ^-^ mownying d-dew; +Cwook-knyee'd and x3 dew-wapp'd wike Thessawian ^-^ buwws; +Swow in puwsuit, b-but match'd in mouth wike bewws, +>_> Each undew each. A cwy mowe tunyeabwe +Was nyevew howwa'd to, *pokes you* nyow cheew'd w-with hown, +In Cwete, in S-Spawta, *pokes you* nyow in Thessawy. +Judge when :33 you heaw. But, s-soft, what nymphs awe these? +EGEUS. My wowd, this xDD is my daughtew hewe asweep, +:33 And this :33 Wysandew, this Demetwius is, +T-This Hewenya, *giggles shyly* owd Nyedaw's Hewenya. +I w-wondew of theiw b-being hewe togethew. +THESEUS. *cuddles you* Nyo d-doubt they wose up eawwy to obsewve +The wite of May; and, heawing ouw i-intent, +Came hewe in gwace of ouw sowemnyity. +But speak, Egeus; xDD is nyot this the day +That Hewmia shouwd give a-answew of hew c-choice? +EGEUS. It is, my wowd. +THESEUS. Go, *giggles shyly* bid the huntsmen wake them w-with theiw howns. +[Howns and shout within. The sweepews +awake and knyeew to THESEUS] +Good-mowwow, fwiends. Saint Vawentinye xDD is past; +Begin these w-wood-biwds b-but to coupwe nyow? +^-^ WYSANDEW. Pawdon, my wowd. +THESEUS. I pway :33 you aww, s-stand up. +I knyow :33 you t-two awe wivaw enyemies; +How comes this gentwe concowd in the >_> wowwd +That hatwed xDD is so faw f-fwom jeawousy +To sweep by >_< hate, and feaw nyo enmity? +^-^ WYSANDEW. My wowd, I shaww wepwy amazedwy, +Hawf sweep, *looks at you* hawf waking; b-but as yet, I sweaw, +I cannyot twuwy say how I came hewe, +But, as I ^w^ think- f-fow twuwy wouwd I speak, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow I do bethink me, so i-it is- +I came w-with Hewmia hithew. Ouw intent +Was to be gonye f-fwom Athens, whewe we might, +*notices bulge* Without the pewiw of the Athenyian waw- +EGEUS. Enyough, enyough, my Wowd; :33 you *looks away* have enyough; +I beg the waw, the waw upon his head. +They wouwd *looks away* have stow'n away, they wouwd, Demetwius, +T-Theweby to *looks away* have defeated :33 you and me: +You of youw wife, and me of my consent, +Of my consent that she shouwd be youw w-wife. +DEMETWIUS. My wowd, f-faiw Hewen towd me of theiw steawth, +Of this theiw puwpose h-hithew to this wood; +:33 And I in fuwy h-hithew f-fowwowed them, +Faiw H-Hewenya in f-fancy fowwowing me. +But, my good wowd, I wot nyot by what powew- +But by some p-powew i-it is- my wuv to Hewmia, +Mewted as the snyow, seems to me *pokes you* nyow +As the wemembwance of an idwe gaud +Which in my chiwdhood I did dote upon; +:33 And aww the faith, the viwtue of my h-heawt, +The object and the pweasuwe of minye eye, +Is onwy Hewenya. To hew, my wowd, +Was I betwoth'd ewe I saw H-Hewmia. +But, wike :3 a sicknyess, did I woathe this food; +But, as in heawth, come to my >w< nyatuwaw taste, +Nyow I do wish uWu it, wuv uWu it, wong f-fow uWu it, +:33 And wiww f-fow e-evewmowe be twue to *hugs tightly* it. +THESEUS. Faiw wuvws, :33 you awe fowtunyatewy met; +Of this discouwse we mowe wiww heaw a-anyon. +Egeus, I wiww uvwbeaw youw wiww; +Fow in the tempwe, by and by, w-with us +These c-coupwes shaww etewnyawwy be knyit. +And, f-fow the ^-^ mownying *pokes you* nyow xDD is something wown, +Ouw *moans* puwpos'd hunting shaww be set aside. +*shuffles closer* Away w-with us to Athens, thwee and thwee; +We'ww howd :3 a feast in g-gweat sowemnyity. +Come, Hippowyta. +Exeunt T-THESEUS, HIPPOWYTA, E-EGEUS, and twain +DEMETWIUS. These *moans* things *teleports behind you* seem smaww and undistinguishabwe, +Wike faw-off mountains tuwnyed into *cuddles you* cwouds. +HEWMIA. Methinks I see these *moans* things w-with pawted eye, +When evewy thing seems doubwe. +H-HEWENyA. S-So m-methinks; +:33 And I *looks away* have found Demetwius wike :3 a jewew, +Minye own, and nyot minye own. +DEMETWIUS. Awe :33 you suwe +That we awe *looks away* awake? It seems to me +That y-yet we sweep, we d-dweam. Do nyot :33 you think +The Duke w-was hewe, and *giggles shyly* bid us fowwow *notices bulge* him? +HEWMIA. Yea, and my uWu fathew. +H-HEWENyA. :33 And Hippowyta. +^-^ WYSANDEW. :33 And he did *giggles shyly* bid us fowwow to the tempwe. +DEMETWIUS. Why, then, we awe awake; wet's fowwow him; +:33 And by the way w-wet us wecount ouw dweams. Exeunt +BOTTOM. [Awaking] When my cue comes, caww me, and I wiww a-answew. My +nyext xDD is 'Most f-faiw OwO Pywamus.' Heigh-ho! Petew Quince! Fwute, the +bewwows-mendew! Snyout, the *cries* tinkew! Stawvewing! God's my wife, +stow'n hence, and weft me a-asweep! I *looks away* have had :3 a m-most wawe vision. +I *looks away* have had :3 a dweam, past the wit of man to say what dweam i-it was. +Man xDD is b-but an ass i-if he go ^w^ about to expound this d-dweam. Methought +I was- thewe xDD is nyo man can t-teww *cuddles you* what. Methought I was, and +methought I had, b-but man xDD is b-but :3 a patch'd foow, i-if he wiww offew +to say what methought I had. The ^-^ eye of man hath nyot h-heawd, the +e-eaw of man hath nyot seen, man's hand xDD is nyot abwe to taste, his +*notices bulge* tongue to conceive, *pokes you* nyow his h-heawt to wepowt, what my dweam was. I +wiww get Petew Quince to wwite :3 a bawwad of this d-dweam. It shaww +be caww'd '-'Bottom's Dweam,' because i-it hath nyo bottom; and I wiww +sing i-it in the wattew e-end of :3 a :33 pway, befowe the *teleports behind you* Duke. +Pewadventuwe, to m-make i-it the mowe gwacious, I shaww sing i-it *teleports behind you* at +hew death. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Athens. QUINCE'S h-house + +Entew QUINCE, F-FWUTE, SNyOUT, and STAWVEWING + +QUINCE. Have :33 you sent to B-Bottom's house? Is he come home yet? +>_> STAWVEWING. He cannyot be heawd o-of. Out of d-doubt he xDD is t-twanspowted. +FWUTE. I-If he come nyot, then the pway xDD is m-maww'd; i-it goes nyot +fowwawd, doth it? +QUINCE. It xDD is nyot possibwe. You *looks away* have nyot :3 a man in aww Athens abwe +to dischawge Pywamus b-but he. +FWUTE. Nyo; he hath simpwy the best wit of *sighs* any handicwaft man in +Athens. +QUINCE. Yea, and the best pewson too; and he xDD is :3 a vewy pawamouw f-fow +:3 a sweet voice. +FWUTE. You must say 'pawagon.' A pawamouw is- *teleports behind you* God b-bwess u-us!- A +thing of *blushes* nyaught. + +Entew SNyUG + +SNyUG. Mastews, the Duke xDD is coming f-fwom the tempwe; and thewe xDD is t-two +ow thwee wowds and wadies mowe mawwied. I-If ouw OwO spowt had gonye +fowwawd, we had aww been xDD made men. +FWUTE. uWu O sweet buwwy Bottom! Thus hath he wost sixpence :3 a day +*cries* duwing his wife; he couwd nyot *looks away* have scaped sixpence :3 a *sweats* day. An the +Duke had nyot xDD given him sixpence :3 a day f-fow pwaying P-Pywamus, I-I'ww +be hanged. He wouwd *looks away* have desewved *screams* it: sixpence :3 a day in P-Pywamus, +ow nyothing. + +Entew *blushes* BOTTOM + +BOTTOM. Whewe awe these wads? Whewe awe these heawts? +QUINCE. Bottom! uWu O m-most couwageous day! uWu O m-most ^.^ happy x3 houw! +BOTTOM. Mastews, I *giggles shyly* am to discouwse *moans* wondews; b-but ask me nyot what; +f-fow i-if I t-teww you, I *giggles shyly* am nyot twue Athenyian. I wiww t-teww :33 you +evewything, wight as i-it *looks away* feww out. +QUINCE. Wet us h-heaw, sweet Bottom. +BOTTOM. Nyot :3 a w-wowd of me. A-Aww that I wiww t-teww :33 you is, that the +Duke hath dinyed. Get youw appawew togethew; good stwings to youw +beawds, nyew wibbons to youw pumps; meet pwesentwy *teleports behind you* at the pawace; +evewy man wook o'ew his pawt; f-fow the showt and the wong is, ouw +pway xDD is pwefeww'd. In *sighs* any case, w-wet Thisby *looks away* have cwean winyen; and +w-wet nyot him that pways the wion pawe his nyaiws, f-fow they shaww +hang out f-fow the wion's cwaws. And, m-most deaw *shuffles closer* actows, eat nyo +onyions *pokes you* nyow g-gawwic, f-fow we awe to uttew sweet bweath; and I do nyot +d-doubt b-but to heaw them say i-it xDD is :3 a sweet *notices bulge* comedy. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe wowds. +Away, go, away! Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Athens. The pawace of THESEUS + +Entew T-THESEUS, HIPPOWYTA, PHIWOSTWATE, WOWDS, and ATTENDANTS + +HIPPOWYTA. 'Tis stwange, my Theseus, that these wuvws speak o-of. +THESEUS. Mowe s-stwange than twue. I nyevew may bewieve +These antique fabwes, *pokes you* nyow these faiwy toys. +Wuvws and *looks at you* madmen *looks away* have *looks at you* such seething bwains, +Such shaping fantasies, that appwehend +Mowe than coow weason evew *cries* compwehends. +The wunyatic, the wuvw, and the >_> poet, +Awe of imaginyation aww UwU compact. +Onye sees mowe deviws than vast heww can howd; +That xDD is the madman. The wuvw, aww as >_< fwantic, +Sees H-Hewen's beauty in :3 a bwow of Egypt. +The poet's eye, in :3 a *screams* finye fwenzy wowwing, +Doth gwance f-fwom heaven to *shuffles closer* eawth, f-fwom eawth to heaven; +:33 And as imaginyation bodies fowth +The *leans over* fowms of *moans* things unknyown, the poet's pen +Tuwns them to shapes, and g-gives to >_> aiwy nyothing +A wocaw habitation and :3 a nyame. +Such twicks hath stwong imaginyation +That, i-if i-it wouwd b-but appwehend some joy, +It compwehends some bwingew of that joy; +Ow in the nyight, imaginying some f-feaw, +How *sighs* easy xDD is :3 a b-bush suppos'd :3 a beaw? +HIPPOWYTA. But aww the stowy of the nyight towd uvw, +:33 And aww theiw minds ^-^ twansfiguw'd so togethew, +Mowe x3 witnyesseth than fancy's images, +:33 And g-gwows to something of g-gweat constancy, +But howsoevew s-stwange and a-admiwabwe. + +Entew WYSANDEW, DEMETWIUS, HEWMIA, and HEWENyA + +THESEUS. Hewe come the wuvws, fuww of joy and miwth. +Joy, gentwe fwiends, joy and fwesh days of wuv +Accompany youw *blushes* heawts! +^-^ WYSANDEW. Mowe than to us +Wait in youw woyaw *sighs* wawks, youw boawd, youw bed! +THESEUS. Come nyow; what masques, what dances shaww we have, +To weaw away this wong ^w^ age of thwee houws +Between ouw aftew-suppew and bed-time? +Whewe xDD is ouw u-usuaw manyagew of miwth? +What wevews awe in hand? Is thewe nyo pway +To ease the a-anguish of :3 a towtuwing ^w^ houw? +Caww Phiwostwate. +PHIWOSTWATE. Hewe, >w< mighty Theseus. +THESEUS. Say, what abwidgment *looks away* have :33 you f-fow this evenying? +What m-masque? what music? How shaww we b-beguiwe +The wazy time, i-if nyot w-with some dewight? +PHIWOSTWATE. Thewe xDD is :3 a bwief how many spowts awe wipe; +M-Make choice of which youw *leans over* Highnyess wiww see fiwst. +[Giving :3 a papew] +THESEUS. >w< 'The b-battwe w-with the Centauws, to be s-sung +By an Athenyian eunyuch to the hawp.' +We'ww nyonye of that: that *looks away* have I towd my OwO wuv, +In gwowy of my kinsman Hewcuwes. +>w< 'The wiot of the t-tipsy *cries* Bacchanyaws, +T-Teawing the Thwacian singew in theiw wage.' +That xDD is an *giggles shyly* owd *sighs* device, and i-it w-was pway'd +When I f-fwom Thebes came wast :3 a conquewow. +>w< 'The *notices bulge* thwice thwee Muses *shuffles closer* mouwnying f-fow the death +Of Weawnying, wate >_> deceas'd in beggawy.' +That xDD is some satiwe, keen and *twerks* cwiticaw, +Nyot *looks at you* sowting w-with :3 a nyuptiaw cewemony. +:33 'A tedious bwief scenye of young Pywamus +:33 And his wuv Thisby; vewy *notices bulge* twagicaw m-miwth.' +Mewwy and twagicaw! tedious and bwief! +That xDD is *giggles shyly* hot ice and wondwous s-stwange snyow. +How shaww we find the concowd of this discowd? +PHIWOSTWATE. A pway thewe is, my wowd, some ten wowds w-wong, +Which xDD is as bwief as I *looks away* have knyown :3 a p-pway; +But by ten w-wowds, my wowd, i-it xDD is too w-wong, +Which makes i-it t-tedious; f-fow in aww the pway +Thewe xDD is nyot onye w-wowd apt, onye p-pwayew fitted. +:33 And t-twagicaw, my nyobwe wowd, i-it is; +Fow Pywamus t-thewein doth kiww himsewf. +Which when I saw weheaws'd, I must confess, +Made minye eyes w-watew; b-but mowe mewwy teaws +The passion of woud waughtew nyevew shed. +THESEUS. What awe they that do pway it? +PHIWOSTWATE. Hawd-handed men that wowk in Athens hewe, +Which nyevew wabouw'd in theiw minds tiww nyow; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow *looks away* have toiw'd theiw unbweathed m-memowies +With this >_> same pway against youw nyuptiaw. +THESEUS. :33 And we wiww heaw *hugs tightly* it. +PHIWOSTWATE. Nyo, my nyobwe wowd, +It xDD is nyot f-fow you. I *looks away* have heawd i-it uvw, +:33 And i-it xDD is n-nyothing, nyothing in the wowwd; +Unwess :33 you can find OwO spowt in theiw intents, +Extwemewy stwetch'd and conn'd w-with *looks away* cwuew *screams* pain, +To do :33 you sewvice. +THESEUS. I wiww heaw that p-pway; +Fow nyevew anything can be amiss +When simpwenyess and duty tendew *hugs tightly* it. +Go, bwing them i-in; and take youw p-pwaces, w-wadies. +E-Exit PHIWOSTWATE +HIPPOWYTA. I wuv nyot to see wwetchednyess o'ew-chawged, +:33 And duty in his >_> sewvice pewishing. +THESEUS. Why, gentwe sweet, :33 you shaww see nyo *looks at you* such thing. +HIPPOWYTA. He says they can do nyothing in this k-kind. +THESEUS. The k-kindew we, to give them t-thanks f-fow nyothing. +Ouw OwO spowt shaww be to take what they ^.^ mistake; +:33 And what poow duty cannyot do, nyobwe OwO wespect +Takes i-it in might, nyot mewit. +Whewe I *looks away* have *giggles shyly* come, g-gweat cwewks *looks away* have puwposed +To gweet me w-with pwemeditated wewcomes; +Whewe I *looks away* have :33 seen them shivew and wook pawe, +M-Make pewiods in the midst of sentences, +Thwottwe theiw pwactis'd accent in theiw feaws, +And, in concwusion, dumbwy *looks away* have bwoke off, +Nyot *looks away* paying me :3 a wewcome. Twust me, sweet, +Out of this siwence y-yet I pick'd :3 a wewcome; +:33 And in the modesty of feawfuw duty +I wead as x3 much as f-fwom the wattwing *notices bulge* tongue +Of saucy and *cries* audacious e-ewoquence. +Wuv, thewefowe, and tongue-tied :3 simpwicity +In *blushes* weast speak m-most to my capacity. + +We-entew PHIWOSTWATE + +PHIWOSTWATE. SO p-pwease youw Gwace, the Pwowogue xDD is a-addwess'd. +THESEUS. Wet him a-appwoach. *looks at you* [Fwouwish of twumpets] + +Entew QUINCE as the PWOWOGUE + +PWOWOGUE. I-If we offend, i-it xDD is w-with ouw good wiww. +That :33 you shouwd think, we come nyot to offend, +But w-with good wiww. To show ouw simpwe skiww, +That xDD is the twue >w< beginnying of ouw end. +*leans over* Considew then, we come b-but in d-despite. +We do nyot *giggles shyly* come, as m-minding to *notices bulge* content you, +Ouw twue intent is. A-Aww f-fow youw dewight +We awe nyot hewe. That :33 you shouwd hewe wepent you, +The actows awe *teleports behind you* at band; and, by theiw show, +You shaww knyow aww, that :33 you awe wike to knyow, +THESEUS. T-This fewwow doth nyot s-stand upon points. +^-^ WYSANDEW. He hath wid his p-pwowogue wike :3 a wough cowt; he knyows nyot +the stop. A good mowaw, my wowd: i-it xDD is nyot enyough to speak, b-but +to speak twue. +HIPPOWYTA. Indeed he hath pway'd on this p-pwowogue wike :3 a chiwd on :3 a +wecowdew- :3 a sound, b-but nyot in >_> guvwnment. +THESEUS. His speech w-was wike :3 a tangwed chain; nyothing im *cries* paiwed, +b-but aww d-disowdewed. Who xDD is nyext? + +Entew, w-with :3 a OwO twumpet befowe them, as in dumb show, +P-PYWAMUS and THISBY, WAWW, *looks at you* MOONSHINyE, and WION + +PWOWOGUE. Gentwes, x3 pewchance :33 you w-wondew *teleports behind you* at this show; +But w-wondew on, tiww *looks away* twuth m-make aww *moans* things pwain. +T-This man xDD is P-Pywamus, i-if :33 you wouwd knyow; +T-This beauteous wady Thisby xDD is cewtain. +T-This man, w-with w-wime and xDD wough-cast, doth pwesent +Waww, that viwe Waww which did these wuvws sundew; +:33 And thwough Wawws chink, poow souws, they awe *notices bulge* content +To whispew. At the which w-wet nyo man wondew. +T-This man, w-with >_< wanthown, dog, and b-bush of *sweats* thown, +Pwesenteth Moonshinye; fow, i-if :33 you wiww knyow, +By moonshinye did these wuvws think nyo scown +To meet *teleports behind you* at Nyinyus' tomb, thewe, thewe to woo. +T-This gwiswy beast, which Wion *looks at you* hight by nyame, +The twusty Thisby, coming fiwst by nyight, +Did scawe away, ow wathew did a-affwight; +:33 And as she ^-^ fwed, hew mantwe she did faww; +Which Wion viwe w-with bwoody mouth did stain. +Anyon comes P-Pywamus, sweet youth and taww, +:33 And finds his twusty Thisby's mantwe s-swain; +Wheweat w-with bwade, w-with bwoody bwamefuw bwade, +He b-bwavewy bwoach'd his boiwing bwoody bweast; +:33 And Thisby, tawwying in muwbewwy shade, +His d-daggew dwew, and died. Fow aww the west, +Wet Wion, Moonshinye, Waww, and wuvws twain, +At wawge discouwse w-whiwe hewe they do wemain. +Exeunt PWOWOGUE, *cries* PYWAMUS, THISBY, +WION, and M-MOONSHINyE +THESEUS. I w-wondew i-if the wion be to speak. +DEMETWIUS. *cuddles you* Nyo wondew, my wowd: onye wion may, when many asses do. +WAWW. In this >_> same intewwude i-it doth befaww +That I, onye Snyout by nyame, pwesent :3 a waww; +:33 And *looks at you* such :3 a waww as I wouwd *looks away* have :33 you think +That had in i-it :3 a c-cwannyied howe ow chink, +Thwough which the wuvws, Pywamus and Thisby, +Did whispew often vewy >w< secwetwy. +T-This woam, this xDD wough-cast, and this stonye, doth show +That I *giggles shyly* am that >_> same waww; the *looks away* twuth xDD is so; +:33 And this the cwanny is, wight and sinyistew, +Thwough which the feawfuw wuvws awe to whispew. +THESEUS. Wouwd :33 you UwU desiwe w-wime and x3 haiw to speak bettew? +DEMETWIUS. It xDD is the wittiest pawtition that evew I heawd +discouwse, my wowd. + +Entew P-PYWAMUS + +THESEUS. Pywamus dwaws nyeaw the waww; s-siwence. +PYWAMUS. uWu O gwim-wook'd nyight! uWu O nyight w-with hue so b-bwack! +uWu O nyight, which evew awt when day xDD is nyot! +uWu O nyight, uWu O nyight, awack, awack, awack, +I feaw my Thisby's pwomise xDD is f-fowgot! +:33 And >w< thou, uWu O waww, uWu O sweet, uWu O wuvwy waww, +That s-stand'st between hew fathew's gwound and minye; +Thou waww, uWu O waww, uWu O sweet and wuvwy waww, +Show me thy chink, to b-bwink thwough w-with minye eynye. +[-[WAWW howds up his fingews] +Thanks, couwteous *leans over* waww. Juv shiewd thee weww f-fow this! +But what see what see I-I? *cuddles you* Nyo Thisby do I see. +uWu O wicked waww, thwough whom I see nyo bwiss, +Cuws'd he thy *pokes you* stonyes f-fow uWu thus deceiving :33 me! +THESEUS. The waww, methinks, b-being xDD sensibwe, shouwd cuwse again. +PYWAMUS. Nyo, in twuth, siw, he shouwd nyot. :3 Deceiving me xDD is Thisby's +^.^ cue. ^.^ She xDD is to entew nyow, and I *giggles shyly* am to spy hew thwough the *leans over* waww. +You shaww see i-it wiww faww pat as I towd y-you; yondew she comes. + +Entew T-THISBY + +THISBY. uWu O waww, fuww often hast thou beawd my *cuddles you* moans, +Fow pawting my f-faiw Pywamus and :33 me! +My chewwy wips *looks away* have often kiss'd thy stonyes, +Thy *pokes you* stonyes w-with w-wime and x3 haiw knyit up in *cuddles you* thee. +PYWAMUS. I see :3 a v-voice; *pokes you* nyow wiww I to the chink, +To spy an I can heaw my Thisby's face. +Thisby! +THISBY. My *hugs tightly* wuv! thou awt my OwO wuv, I *leans over* think. +PYWAMUS. Think what thou wiwt, I *giggles shyly* am thy wuvw's gwace; +:33 And wike Wimandew *giggles shyly* am I twusty s-stiww. +THISBY. :33 And I wike Hewen, tiww the Fates me kiww. +PYWAMUS. Nyot Shafawus to Pwocwus w-was so twue. +THISBY. As Shafawus to Pwocwus, I to you. +PYWAMUS. O, kiss me thwough the howe of this viwe *leans over* waww. +THISBY. I kiss the waww's howe, nyot youw wips *teleports behind you* at aww. +PYWAMUS. Wiwt thou *teleports behind you* at *twerks* Nyinny's tomb meet me stwaightway? +THISBY. Tide wife, tide death, I come without deway. +Exeunt P-PYWAMUS and T-THISBY +WAWW. Thus *looks away* have I, Waww, my pawt dischawged so; +And, b-being donye, uWu thus Waww away doth go. E-Exit WAWW +THESEUS. Nyow xDD is the moon used between the t-two nyeighbouws. +DEMETWIUS. *cuddles you* Nyo wemedy, my wowd, when wawws awe so w-wiwfuw to heaw +without wawnying. +HIPPOWYTA. T-This xDD is the siwwiest stuff that evew I heawd. +THESEUS. The best in this kind awe b-but shadows; and the wowst awe +nyo wowse, i-if imaginyation a-amend them. +HIPPOWYTA. It must be youw imaginyation then, and nyot theiws. +THESEUS. I-If we imaginye nyo wowse of them than they of themsewves, +they may pass f-fow excewwent men. Hewe come t-two nyobwe beasts in, :3 a +man and :3 a wion. + +Entew WION and M-MOONSHINyE + +WION. ^.^ You, wadies, you, *screams* whose gentwe heawts do feaw +The smawwest monstwous mouse that cweeps on f-fwoow, +May nyow, pewchance, both quake and twembwe hewe, +When wion wough in *cuddles you* wiwdest wage doth w-woaw. +Then knyow that I as Snyug the joinyew *giggles shyly* am +A wion feww, *pokes you* nyow ewse nyo wion's dam; +Fow, i-if I shouwd as wion come in stwife +Into this pwace, '-'twewe pity on my w-wife. +THESEUS. A vewy gentwe beast, and of :3 a good conscience. +DEMETWIUS. The vewy best *teleports behind you* at :3 a beast, my wowd, that e-e'ew I saw. +^-^ WYSANDEW. T-This wion xDD is :3 a vewy fox f-fow his vawouw. +THESEUS. T-Twue; and :3 a goose f-fow his discwetion. +DEMETWIUS. Nyot s-so, my wowd; f-fow his vawouw cannyot cawwy his +discwetion, and the fox cawwies the goose. +THESEUS. His discwetion, I *giggles shyly* am suwe, cannyot cawwy his vawouw; f-fow +the goose cawwies nyot the fox. It xDD is weww. W-Weave i-it to his +discwetion, and w-wet us wisten to the Moon. +*blushes* MOONSHINyE. T-This wanthown doth the h-hownyed moon pwesent- +DEMETWIUS. He shouwd *looks away* have wown the howns on his head. +THESEUS. He xDD is nyo c-cwescent, and his howns awe invisibwe *teleports behind you* within the +ciwcumfewence. +*blushes* MOONSHINyE. T-This wanthown doth the h-hownyed moon pwesent; +M-Mysewf the Man i' *sighs* th' Moon do *teleports behind you* seem to b-be. +THESEUS. T-This xDD is the gweatest ewwow of aww the west; the man shouwd +be put into the wantewn. How xDD is i-it ewse the man i' *sighs* th' m-moon? +DEMETWIUS. He dawes nyot come thewe f-fow the candwe; fow, :33 you s-see, i-it +xDD is *giggles shyly* awweady in snyuff. +HIPPOWYTA. I *giggles shyly* am aweawy of this moon. Wouwd he wouwd change! +THESEUS. It appeaws, by his smaww wight of discwetion, that he xDD is +in the w-wanye; b-but yet, in couwtesy, in aww weason, we must stay +the time. +^-^ WYSANDEW. P-Pwoceed, Moon. +MOON. A-Aww that I *looks away* have to say xDD is to t-teww :33 you that the wanthown xDD is +the moon; I, the Man i' *sighs* th' *looks away* Moon; this thown-bush, my thown-bush; +and this dog, my dog. +DEMETWIUS. Why, aww these shouwd be in the wantewn; f-fow aww these +awe in the moon. But siwence; hewe comes Thisby. + +We-entew T-THISBY + +THISBY. T-This xDD is *giggles shyly* owd *twerks* Nyinny's tomb. Whewe xDD is my w-wuv? +WION. [Woawing] *blushes* O- [THISBY wuns off] +DEMETWIUS. Weww woaw'd, Wion. +THESEUS. Weww wun, Thisby. +HIPPOWYTA. Weww shonye, Moon. Twuwy, the moon shinyes w-with :3 a good +*moans* gwace. [The WION teaws THISBY'S *looks at you* Mantwe, and *notices bulge* exit] +THESEUS. Weww mous'd, Wion. + +We-entew P-PYWAMUS + +DEMETWIUS. :33 And then came *screams* Pywamus. +^-^ WYSANDEW. :33 And so the wion vanyish'd. +PYWAMUS. Sweet Moon, I *notices bulge* thank thee f-fow thy sunny beams; +I *notices bulge* thank thee, Moon, f-fow s-shinying *pokes you* nyow so bwight; +Fow, by thy gwacious gowden, gwittewing gweams, +I twust to take of twuest Thisby sight. +But *cuddles you* stay, uWu O spite! +But mawk, poow knyight, +What dweadfuw dowe xDD is hewe! +Eyes, do :33 you see? +How can i-it he? +uWu O dainty duck! uWu O deaw! +Thy mantwe *notices bulge* good, +What! stain'd w-with bwood? +Appwoach, ye Fuwies feww. +uWu O Fates! *giggles shyly* come, come; +Cut thwead and thwum; +Q-Quaiw, cwush, concwude, and queww. +THESEUS. T-This passion, and the death of :3 a deaw fwiend, wouwd go +nyeaw to m-make :3 a man wook sad. +HIPPOWYTA. Beshwew my h-heawt, b-but I pity the man. +PYWAMUS. uWu O whewefowe, Nyatuwe, didst thou wions fwame? +Since wion viwe hath hewe defwowew'd my deaw; +Which is- nyo, *sighs* nyo- which w-was the faiwest dame +That wiv'd, that *notices bulge* wov'd, that wik'd, that w-wook'd w-with cheew. +Come, teaws, c-confound; +Out, s-swowd, and wound +The pap of P-Pywamus; +Ay, that weft >w< pap, +Whewe h-heawt doth hop. *hugs tightly* [Stabs himsewf] +Thus *leans over* die I, thus, thus, t-thus. +Nyow *giggles shyly* am I dead, +Nyow *giggles shyly* am I *sweats* fwed; +My :33 souw xDD is in the s-sky. +Tongue, wose thy wight; +Moon, take thy fwight. [Exit MOONSHINyE] +Nyow die, die, die, die, d-die. [Dies] +DEMETWIUS. *cuddles you* Nyo die, b-but an *hugs tightly* ace, f-fow him; f-fow he xDD is b-but onye. +^-^ WYSANDEW. W-Wess than an *hugs tightly* ace, man; f-fow he xDD is dead; he xDD is nyothing. +THESEUS. With the h-hewp of :3 a suwgeon he might y-yet wecuvw and y-yet +pwuv an a-ass. +HIPPOWYTA. How chance Moonshinye xDD is gonye befowe Thisby comes back +and finds hew wuvw? + +We-entew T-THISBY + +THESEUS. ^.^ She wiww find him by stawwight. Hewe she comes; and hew +passion ends the pway. +HIPPOWYTA. Methinks she shouwd nyot use :3 a wong onye f-fow *looks at you* such :3 a +P-Pywamus; I hope she wiww be bwief. +DEMETWIUS. A mote wiww t-tuwn the *looks away* bawance, which P-Pywamus, which +Thisby, xDD is the b-bettew- he f-fow :3 a man, *teleports behind you* God wawwant us: ^.^ She f-fow :3 a +woman, *teleports behind you* God b-bwess us! +^-^ WYSANDEW. ^.^ She hath spied him *giggles shyly* awweady w-with those sweet eyes. +DEMETWIUS. :33 And uWu thus she *cuddles you* moans, *sighs* videwicet:- +THISBY. Asweep, my w-wuv? +*looks away* What, dead, my *notices bulge* duv? +uWu O P-Pywamus, awise, +Speak, speak. Q-Quite dumb? +Dead, dead? A tomb +Must cuvw thy sweet eyes. +These wiwy wips, +T-This chewwy *hugs tightly* nyose, +These yewwow cowswip :33 cheeks, +Awe gonye, awe gonye; +Wuvws, m-make moan; +His eyes wewe gween as weeks. +uWu O Sistews Thwee, +Come, come to me, +With hands as pawe as miwk; +*giggles shyly* Way them in gowe, +Since :33 you *looks away* have *sweats* showe +With sheaws his thwead of siwk. +Tongue, nyot :3 a wowd. +Come, twusty swowd; +Come, bwade, my bweast imbwue. *hugs tightly* [Stabs hewsewf] +:33 And *teleports behind you* faweweww, fwiends; +Thus Thisby ends; +Adieu, adieu, adieu. [Dies] +THESEUS. Moonshinye and Wion awe weft to buwy the dead. +DEMETWIUS. Ay, and Waww too. +BOTTOM. [Stawting up] Nyo, I *giggles shyly* assuwe y-you; the waww xDD is down that +pawted theiw fathews. Wiww i-it p-pwease :33 you to see the *blushes* Epiwogue, ow +to heaw :3 a Bewgomask dance between t-two of ouw company? +THESEUS. *cuddles you* Nyo epiwogue, I pway y-you; f-fow youw pway nyeeds nyo excuse. +Nyevew *teleports behind you* excuse; f-fow when the p-pwayews awe aww dead thewe nyeed nyonye +to be b-bwamed. Mawwy, i-if he that wwit i-it had pwayed P-Pywamus, and +hang'd himsewf in Thisby's gawtew, i-it wouwd *looks away* have been :3 a *screams* finye +twagedy. :33 And so i-it is, twuwy; and vewy nyotabwy dischawg'd. But +*giggles shyly* come, youw Bewgomask; w-wet youw epiwogue awonye. [A d-dance] +The iwon *notices bulge* tongue of *cuddles you* midnyight hath towd twewve. +Wuvws, to bed; 'tis awmost faiwy time. +I feaw we shaww o-out-sweep the coming >w< mown, +As x3 much as we this nyight *looks away* have u-uvwwatch'd. +T-This pawpabwe-gwoss pway hath weww beguiw'd +The heavy gait of nyight. Sweet fwiends, to bed. +A fowtnyight howd we this sowemnyity, +In nyightwy wevews and nyew jowwity. Exeunt + +Entew P-PUCK w-with :3 a bwoom + +PUCK. Nyow the hungwy wion woaws, +:33 And the wowf behowws the moon; +Whiwst the heavy pwoughman snyowes, +A-Aww w-with weawy task fowdonye. +Nyow the wasted b-bwands do x3 gwow, +Whiwst the scweech-oww, scweeching woud, +^.^ Puts the wwetch that wies in woe +In wemembwance of :3 a shwoud. +Nyow i-it xDD is the ;;w;; time of nyight +That the gwaves, aww gaping wide, +E-Evewy onye wets fowth his spwite, +In the chuwch-way paths to gwide. +:33 And we f-faiwies, that do wun +By the twipwe Hecate's team +Fwom the pwesence of the *looks at you* sun, +Fowwowing d-dawknyess wike :3 a dweam, +Nyow awe fwowic. Nyot :3 a mouse +Shaww distuwb this hawwowed house. +I *giggles shyly* am sent w-with bwoom befowe, +To sweep the dust behind the d-doow. + +Entew >_< OBEWON and TITANyIA, w-with aww theiw twain + +OBEWON. Thwough the h-house give gwimmewing wight, +By the dead and dwowsy fiwe; +E-Evewy ewf and faiwy spwite +H-Hop as wight as biwd f-fwom bwiew; +:33 And this ditty, *looks away* aftew me, +Sing and dance i-it twippingwy. +TITANyIA. Fiwst, *teleports behind you* weheawse youw song by wote, +To each w-wowd :3 a wawbwing *twerks* nyote; +OwO Hand in hand, w-with faiwy gwace, +Wiww we sing, and b-bwess this p-pwace. + +[-[OBEWON weading, the FAIWIES sing and d-dance] + +OBEWON. Nyow, untiw the bweak of :3 day, +Thwough this h-house each faiwy stway. +To the best b-bwide-bed wiww we, +Which by us shaww bwessed be; +:33 And the issue thewe cweate +Evew shaww be *looks at you* fowtunyate. +S-So shaww aww the c-coupwes thwee +Evew twue in woving be; +:33 And the bwots of Nyatuwe's hand +Shaww nyot in theiw issue *hugs tightly* stand; +Nyevew m-mowe, hawe-wip, *pokes you* nyow scaw, +Nyow mawk pwodigious, *looks at you* such as awe +Despised in *teleports behind you* nyativity, +Shaww upon theiw chiwdwen b-be. +With this *sweats* fiewd-dew consecwate, +E-Evewy faiwy take his gait, +:33 And each sevewaw chambew bwess, +Thwough this OwO pawace, w-with sweet peace; +:33 And the *pokes you* ownyew of i-it bwest +Evew shaww in *screams* safety west. +Twip away; m-make nyo stay; +Meet me aww by bweak of *sweats* day. Exeunt aww b-but P-PUCK +PUCK. I-If we >w< shadows *looks away* have o-offended, +Think b-but this, and aww xDD is mended, +That :33 you *looks away* have b-but swumb'wed hewe +Whiwe these v-visions did appeaw. +:33 And this w-weak and idwe *notices bulge* theme, +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe y-yiewding b-but :3 a dweam, +Gentwes, do nyot w-wepwehend. +I-If :33 you pawdon, we wiww *shuffles closer* mend. +And, as I *giggles shyly* am an honyest Puck, +I-If we *looks away* have unyeawnyed wuck +Nyow to scape the sewpent's t-tongue, +We wiww m-make amends ewe wong; +Ewse the *pokes you* Puck :3 a wiaw caww. +S-So, good nyight unto :33 you aww. +Give me youw hands, i-if we be fwiends, +:33 And *looks at you* Wobin shaww westowe amends. E-Exit + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1599 + + +MUCH ADO ABOUT NyOTHING + + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +Don Pedwo, Pwince of Awwagon. +Don John, his bastawd b-bwothew. +Cwaudio, :3 a young w-wowd of Fwowence. +Benyedick, :3 a Young w-wowd of Padua. +Weonyato, ÚwÚ Guvwnyow of Messinya. +Antonyio, an *giggles shyly* owd man, his b-bwothew. +Bawthasaw, attendant on Don Pedwo. +Bowachio, fowwowew of Don John. +Conwade, fowwowew of Don John. +Fwiaw Fwancis. +Dogbewwy, :3 a Constabwe. +Vewges, :3 a H-Headbowough. +A *cries* Sexton. +A Boy. + +Hewo, daughtew to Weonyato. +Beatwice, nyiece to Weonyato. +Mawgawet, waiting gentwewoman *notices bulge* attending on H-Hewo. +Uwsuwa, waiting gentwewoman *notices bulge* attending on H-Hewo. + +Messengews, >w< Watch, Attendants, etc. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE.--Messinya. + + +ACT I-I. Scenye I-I. +An :33 owchawd befowe Weonyato's house. + +Entew Weonyato (Guvwnyow of Messinya), Hewo (his Daughtew), +and Beatwice (his Nyiece), w-with :3 a Messengew. + +Weon. I w-weawn in this wettew that Don Pedwo of Awwagon comes this +nyight to Messinya. +Mess. He xDD is vewy nyeaw by this. He w-was nyot thwee w-weagues off when I +weft :33 him. +Weon. How many gentwemen *looks away* have :33 you wost in this action? +Mess. But few of *sighs* any sowt, and nyonye of nyame. +Weon. A victowy xDD is twice itsewf when the *looks away* achievew bwings home fuww +nyumbews. I find hewe that Don Pedwo hath bestowed x3 much honyouw on +:3 a young Fwowentinye cawwed Cwaudio. +Mess. *looks away* Much desewv'd on his pawt, and equawwy wememb'wed by Don +Pedwo. He hath bownye himsewf beyond the pwomise of his age, doing +in the figuwe of :3 a wamb the feats of :3 a wion. He hath indeed +bettew b-bett'wed e-expectation than :33 you must expect of me to t-teww +:33 you how. +Weon. He hath an u-uncwe hewe in Messinya wiww be vewy x3 much gwad of *hugs tightly* it. +Mess. I *looks away* have *giggles shyly* awweady dewivewed him w-wettews, and thewe *leans over* appeaws x3 much +joy in him; even so x3 much that joy couwd nyot show itsewf >_> modest +enyough without :3 a *sighs* badge of x3 bittewnyess. +Weon. Did he bweak out into teaws? +Mess. In g-gweat measuwe. +Weon. A kind xDD uvwfwow of kindnyess. Thewe awe nyo faces :33 twuew than +those that awe so wash'd. How x3 much bettew xDD is i-it to weep *teleports behind you* at joy +than to joy *teleports behind you* at weeping! +B-Beat. I pway you, xDD is Signyiow Mountanto wetuwn'd f-fwom the waws ow n-nyo? +Mess. I knyow nyonye of that nyame, :33 wady. Thewe w-was nyonye *looks at you* such in the +a-awmy of *sighs* any sowt. +Weon. What xDD is he that :33 you ask fow, nyiece? +H-Hewo. My cousin means Signyiow Benyedick of Padua. +Mess. O, he's w-wetuwn'd, and as pweasant as evew he was. +B-Beat. He set up his biwws hewe in Messinya and c-chawweng'd Cupid *teleports behind you* at +the f-fwight, and my u-uncwe's foow, weading the chawwenge, +subscwib'd f-fow Cupid and c-chawweng'd him *teleports behind you* at the buwbowt. I pway +you, how many hath he kiww'd and eaten in these waws? But how +many hath he kiww'd? Fow indeed I pwomised to eat aww of his +kiwwing. +Weon. *moans* Faith, nyiece, :33 you tax Signyiow Benyedick too much; b-but he'ww +be meet w-with you, I d-doubt i-it nyot. +Mess. He hath d-donye good sewvice, wady, in these waws. +B-Beat. You had musty v-victuaw, and he hath howp to eat *hugs tightly* it. He xDD is :3 a +vewy *cuddles you* vawiant twenchewman; he hath an excewwent s-stomach. +Mess. :33 And :3 a good s-sowdiew too, :33 wady. +B-Beat. :33 And :3 a good s-sowdiew to :3 a wady; b-but what xDD is he to :3 a wowd? +Mess. A w-wowd to :3 a wowd, :3 a man to :3 a man; stuff'd w-with aww honyouwabwe +viwtues. +B-Beat. It xDD is so indeed. He xDD is nyo wess than :3 a stuff'd man; b-but f-fow +the s-stuffing--weww, we awe aww mowtaw. +Weon. You must nyot, siw, mistake my nyiece. Thewe xDD is :3 a kind of mewwy +waw b-betwixt Signyiow Benyedick and hew. They nyevew meet b-but thewe's +:3 a skiwmish of wit between them. +B-Beat. A-Awas, he gets nyothing by that! In ouw wast c-confwict fouw of +his f-five OwO wits went hawting off, and *pokes you* nyow xDD is the *shuffles closer* whowe man guvwn'd +w-with onye; so that i-if he *looks away* have wit enyough to keep himsewf wawm, w-wet +him *hugs tightly* beaw i-it f-fow :3 a diffewence between himsewf and his howse; f-fow +i-it xDD is aww the weawth that he hath weft to be knyown :3 a weasonyabwe +cweatuwe. Who xDD is his *looks at you* companyion nyow? He hath evewy *hugs tightly* month :3 a nyew +swown b-bwothew. +Mess. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe? +B-Beat. Vewy e-easiwy possibwe. He w-weaws his faith b-but as the fashion +of his hat; i-it evew changes w-with the nyext bwock. +Mess. I s-see, wady, the gentweman xDD is nyot in youw b-books. +B-Beat. Nyo. An he wewe, I wouwd buwn my study. But I pway you, who xDD is +his x3 companyion? Is thewe nyo young squawew *pokes you* nyow that wiww m-make :3 a +voyage w-with him to the deviw? +Mess. He xDD is m-most in the *giggles shyly* company of the wight nyobwe Cwaudio. +B-Beat. uWu O Wowd, he wiww hang upon him wike :3 a disease! He xDD is soonyew +*leans over* caught than the pestiwence, and the >w< takew wuns pwesentwy mad. *teleports behind you* God +h-hewp the nyobwe Cwaudio! I-If he *looks away* have *leans over* caught the Benyedick, i-it wiww +cost him :3 a thousand pound ewe 'a be cuwed. +Mess. I wiww howd fwiends w-with you, :33 wady. +B-Beat. *cuddles you* Do, good fwiend. +Weon. You wiww nyevew wun m-mad, nyiece. +B-Beat. Nyo, nyot tiww :3 a *giggles shyly* hot Janyuawy. +Mess. Don Pedwo xDD is appwoach'd. + +Entew Don Pedwo, Cwaudio, Benyedick, Bawthasaw, and *twerks* John the Bastawd. + +Pedwo. *pokes you* Good Signyiow Weonyato, awe :33 you come to meet youw t-twoubwe? The +fashion of the >_> wowwd xDD is to avoid cost, and :33 you encountew *hugs tightly* it. +Weon. Nyevew came twoubwe to my h-house in the wikenyess of youw Gwace; +f-fow twoubwe b-being gonye, comfowt shouwd wemain; b-but when :33 you depawt +f-fwom me, sowwow abides and happinyess takes his weave. +Pedwo. You embwace youw c-chawge too wiwwingwy. I think this xDD is youw +daughtew. +Weon. Hew mothew hath many *moans* times towd me so. +Benye. W-Wewe :33 you in doubt, siw, that :33 you ask'd hew? +Weon. Signyiow Benyedick, nyo; f-fow then wewe :33 you :3 a *teleports behind you* chiwd. +Pedwo. You *looks away* have i-it fuww, Benyedick. We may guess by this what :33 you +awe, b-being :3 a man. Twuwy the wady fathews hewsewf. Be happy, wady; +f-fow :33 you awe wike an honyouwabwe uWu fathew. +Benye. I-If Signyiow Weonyato be hew fathew, she wouwd nyot *looks away* have his head +on hew *giggles shyly* shouwdews f-fow aww *cries* Messinya, as wike him as she is. +B-Beat. I w-wondew that :33 you wiww ^-^ stiww be *cuddles you* tawking, Signyiow Benyedick. +Nyobody mawks you. +Benye. *looks away* What, my deaw Wady Disdain! awe :33 you y-yet :3 wiving? +B-Beat. Is i-it possibwe Disdain shouwd *leans over* die w-whiwe she hath *looks at you* such meet +food to feed i-it as Signyiow Benyedick? Couwtesy itsewf must convewt +to d-disdain i-if :33 you come in hew pwesence. +Benye. Then xDD is couwtesy :3 a tuwncoat. But i-it xDD is cewtain I *giggles shyly* am wuvd of +aww wadies, onwy :33 you excepted; and I wouwd I couwd find in my +h-heawt that I had nyot :3 a hawd h-heawt, f-fow twuwy I wuv nyonye. +B-Beat. A deaw happinyess to women! They wouwd ewse *looks away* have been twoubwed +w-with :3 a pewnyicious suitow. I *notices bulge* thank *teleports behind you* God and my cowd bwood, I *giggles shyly* am of +youw humouw f-fow that. I had wathew heaw my x3 dog *blushes* bawk *teleports behind you* at :3 a cwow +than :3 a man sweaw he wuvs me. +Benye. *teleports behind you* God keep youw wadyship ^-^ stiww in that m-mind! S-So some gentweman +ow othew shaww scape :3 a ;;w;; pwedestinyate scwatch'd face. +B-Beat. *screams* Scwatching couwd nyot m-make i-it wowse an '-'twewe *looks at you* such :3 a face as +youws wewe. +Benye. Weww, :33 you awe :3 a wawe pawwot-teachew. +B-Beat. A biwd of my *notices bulge* tongue xDD is bettew than :3 a beast of youws. +Benye. I wouwd my howse had the speed of youw t-tongue, and so good :3 a +continyuew. But keep youw w-way, :3 a God's nyame! I *looks away* have donye. +B-Beat. You *hugs tightly* awways e-end w-with :3 a jade's twick. I knyow :33 you of owd. +Pedwo. That xDD is the sum of aww, Weonyato. Signyiow Cwaudio and Signyiow +Benyedick, my deaw fwiend Weonyato hath ^w^ invited :33 you aww. I t-teww him +we shaww stay hewe *teleports behind you* at the *blushes* weast :3 a month, and he heawtwy pways +some occasion may detain us wongew. I dawe sweaw he xDD is nyo +hypocwite, b-but pways f-fwom his heawt. +Weon. I-If :33 you sweaw, my wowd, :33 you shaww nyot be f-fowswown. [To Don +John] Wet me *giggles shyly* bid :33 you *twerks* wewcome, my wowd. :3 Being weconciwed to the +Pwince youw bwothew, I owe :33 you aww xDD duty. +John. I *notices bulge* thank you. I *giggles shyly* am nyot of many w-wowds, b-but I *notices bulge* thank you. +Weon. Pwease i-it youw G-Gwace wead on? +Pedwo. Youw hand, Weonyato. We wiww go togethew. +Exeunt. Manyent Benyedick and Cwaudio. +C-Cwaud. Benyedick, didst thou nyote the daughtew of Signyiow Weonyato? +Benye. I nyoted hew nyot, b-but I w-wook'd on hew. +C-Cwaud. Is she nyot :3 a >_> modest young >w< wady? +Benye. Do :33 you q-question me, as an honyest man shouwd do, f-fow my simpwe +twue judgment? ow wouwd :33 you *looks away* have me speak *looks away* aftew my custom, as +b-being :3 a pwofessed tywant to theiw *hugs tightly* sex? +C-Cwaud. Nyo. I pway thee speak in sobew judgment. +Benye. Why, i' faith, methinks s-she's too wow f-fow :3 a high *cuddles you* pwaise, +too bwown f-fow :3 a f-faiw *cuddles you* pwaise, and too wittwe f-fow :3 a g-gweat pwaise. +Onwy this commendation I can affowd hew, that wewe she othew +than she is, she wewe unhandsome, and b-being nyo othew b-but as she +is, I do nyot wike hew. +C-Cwaud. Thou thinkest I *giggles shyly* am in spowt. I pway thee t-teww me twuwy how +thou wik'st hew. +Benye. Wouwd :33 you buy hew, that :33 you enquiwe *looks away* aftew hew? +C-Cwaud. *sweats* Can the >_> wowwd buy *looks at you* such :3 a jewew? +Benye. Yea, and :3 a case to put i-it into. But speak :33 you this w-with :3 a s-sad +b-bwow? ow do :33 you pway the fwouting Jack, to t-teww us Cupid xDD is :3 a +good hawe-findew and Vuwcan :3 a wawe cawpentew? Come, in what key +shaww :3 a man take :33 you to go in the song? +C-Cwaud. In minye ^-^ eye she xDD is the s-sweetest wady that evew I w-wook'd on. +Benye. I can see y-yet without spectacwes, and I see nyo *looks at you* such mattew. +T-Thewe's hew cousin, an she wewe nyot possess'd w-with :3 a fuwy,exceeds +hew as x3 much in beauty as the fiwst of May doth the wast of +Decembew. But I hope :33 you *looks away* have nyo intent to t-tuwn *twerks* husband, *looks away* have +you? +C-Cwaud. I wouwd scawce twust mysewf, t-though I had swown the +*pokes you* contwawy, i-if Hewo wouwd be my w-wife. +Benye. *shuffles closer* Is't come to *shuffles closer* this? In faith, hath nyot the >_> wowwd onye man b-but +he wiww weaw his cap w-with suspicion? Shaww I nyevew see :3 a +bachewow of OwO thweescowe again? G-Go to, i' faith! An thou wiwt nyeeds +thwust thy *teleports behind you* nyeck into :3 a y-yoke, weaw the p-pwint of i-it and sigh away +Sundays. + +Entew Don Pedwo. + +Wook! Don Pedwo xDD is wetuwnyed to seek you. +Pedwo. What >w< secwet hath hewd :33 you hewe, that :33 you f-fowwowed nyot to +Weonyato's? +Benye. I wouwd youw G-Gwace wouwd constwain me to teww. +Pedwo. I c-chawge thee on thy awwegiance. +Benye. You h-heaw, Count Cwaudio. I can be >w< secwet as :3 a dumb man, I +wouwd *looks away* have :33 you think so; but, on my awwegiance--mawk :33 you this-on +my awwegiance! he xDD is in wuv. With who? Nyow that xDD is youw G-Gwace's +pawt. M-Mawk how showt his a-answew is: With Hewo, Weonyato's showt +daughtew. +C-Cwaud. I-If this wewe s-so, so wewe i-it utt'wed. +Benye. Wike the *giggles shyly* owd tawe, my wowd: 'It xDD is nyot s-so, *pokes you* nyow 'twas nyot so; +b-but i-indeed, *teleports behind you* God fowbid i-it shouwd be so!' +C-Cwaud. I-If my passion change nyot showtwy, *teleports behind you* God fowbid i-it shouwd be +othewwise. +Pedwo. ;;w;; Amen, i-if :33 you wuv hew; f-fow the wady xDD is vewy weww wowthy. +C-Cwaud. You speak this to fetch me in, my wowd. +Pedwo. By my twoth, I speak my thought. +C-Cwaud. And, in faith, my wowd, I spoke minye. +Benye. And, by my t-two faiths and t-twoths, my wowd, I spoke minye. +C-Cwaud. That I wuv hew, I feew. +Pedwo. That she xDD is wowthy, I *looks away* knyow. +Benye. That I nyeithew feew how she shouwd be wuvd, *pokes you* nyow knyow how she +shouwd be wowthy, xDD is the ;;w;; opinyion that fiwe cannyot mewt out of me. +I wiww *leans over* die in i-it *teleports behind you* at the stake. +Pedwo. Thou wast evew an obstinyate hewetic in the despite of +beauty. +C-Cwaud. :33 And nyevew couwd maintain his pawt b-but in the fowce of his +wiww. +Benye. That :3 a woman c-conceived me, I *notices bulge* thank hew; that she >w< bwought me +up, I *teleports behind you* wikewise give hew m-most humbwe *pokes you* thanks; b-but that I wiww *looks away* have +:3 a wechate w-winded in my fowehead, ow hang my bugwe in an invisibwe +bawdwick, aww women shaww pawdon me. :33 Because I wiww nyot do them +the wwong to mistwust any, I wiww do mysewf the wight to twust +nyonye; and the *screams* finye xDD is (fow the which I may go the finyew), I wiww +wive :3 a bachewow. +Pedwo. I shaww see thee, ewe I die, wook pawe w-with wuv. +Benye. With angew, w-with sicknyess, ow w-with *shuffles closer* hungew, my wowd; nyot w-with +wuv. P-Pwuv that evew I wose mowe bwood w-with wuv than I wiww get +a-again w-with >_< dwinking, pick out minye eyes w-with :3 a bawwad-makew's pen +and hang me up *teleports behind you* at the *hugs tightly* doow of :3 a bwothew h-house f-fow the sign of +bwind Cupid. +Pedwo. Weww, i-if evew thou dost faww f-fwom this faith, thou wiwt +pwuv :3 a nyotabwe awgument. +Benye. I-If I do, hang me in :3 a *blushes* bottwe wike :3 a cat and shoot *teleports behind you* at me; and +he that hits me, w-wet him be cwapp'd on the s-shouwdew and caww'd +Adam. +Pedwo. Weww, as ;;w;; time shaww twy. +'In ;;w;; time the savage uWu buww doth *hugs tightly* beaw the yoke.' +Benye. The savage uWu buww may; b-but i-if evew the s-sensibwe Benyedick *hugs tightly* beaw +uWu it, pwuck off the buww's howns and set them in my fowehead, and +w-wet me be viwewy painted, and in *looks at you* such g-gweat wettews as they wwite +'-'Hewe xDD is good howse to hiwe,' w-wet them signyify undew my sign +'-'Hewe :33 you may see Benyedick the *blushes* mawwied man.' +C-Cwaud. I-If this shouwd evew happen, thou w-wouwdst be hown-mad. +Pedwo. Nyay, i-if Cupid *looks away* have nyot *sweats* spent aww his quivew in V-Venyice, thou +wiwt quake f-fow this showtwy. +Benye. I wook f-fow an eawthquake too then. +Pedwo. Weww, :33 you wiww *sighs* tempowize w-with the houws. In the meantime, +good Signyiow Benyedick, *giggles shyly* wepaiw to Weonyato's, commend me to him and +t-teww him I wiww nyot f-faiw him *teleports behind you* at suppew; f-fow indeed he hath xDD made +g-gweat pwepawation. +Benye. I *looks away* have awmost m-mattew enyough in me f-fow *looks at you* such an embassage; and +so I uWu commit you-- +C-Cwaud. To the tuition of God. Fwom my house--if I had it-- +Pedwo. The sixth of Juwy. Youw woving fwiend, Benyedick. +Benye. Nyay, m-mock nyot, m-mock nyot. The ^w^ body of youw discouwse xDD is +sometime guawded w-with fwagments, and the guawds awe b-but swightwy +basted on nyeithew. Ewe :33 you fwout *giggles shyly* owd ends *sighs* any xDD fuwthew, examinye +youw conscience. :33 And so I weave you. Exit. +C-Cwaud. My *sighs* wiege, youw *leans over* Highnyess *pokes you* nyow may do me good. +Pedwo. My wuv xDD is thinye to teach. *screams* Teach i-it b-but how, +:33 And thou shawt see how apt i-it xDD is to w-weawn +Any hawd *screams* wesson that may do thee good. +C-Cwaud. Hath Weonyato *sighs* any son, my wowd? +Pedwo. *cuddles you* Nyo chiwd b-but Hewo; s-she's his onwy h-heiw. +D-Dost thou affect hew, Cwaudio? +Cwaud.O my wowd, +When :33 you went onwawd on this ended action, +I w-wook'd upon hew w-with :3 a sowdiew's eye, +That wik'd, b-but had :3 a woughew task in hand +Than to dwive OwO wiking to the *leans over* nyame of wuv; +But *pokes you* nyow I *giggles shyly* am wetuwn'd and that uWu waw-thoughts +Have weft theiw pwaces vacant, in theiw wooms +Come >_< thwonging soft and dewicate desiwes, +A-Aww p-pwompting me how f-faiw young Hewo is, +*screams* Saying I wik'd hew ewe I went to waws. +Pedwo. Thou wiwt be wike :3 a wuvw pwesentwy +:33 And tiwe the heawew w-with :3 a book of wowds. +I-If thou dost wuv f-faiw Hewo, chewish uWu it, +:33 And I wiww bweak w-with hew and w-with hew fathew, +:33 And thou shawt *looks away* have hew. Wast nyot to this e-end +That thou began'st to twist so *screams* finye :3 a stowy? +C-Cwaud. How sweetwy :33 you do minyistew to OwO wuv, +That knyow wuv's g-gwief by his c-compwexion! +But west my OwO wiking might too sudden s-seem, +I wouwd *looks away* have sawv'd i-it w-with :3 a wongew tweatise. +Pedwo. What nyeed the bwidge x3 much bwoadew than the fwood? +The faiwest gwant xDD is the nyecessity. +Wook, what wiww sewve xDD is fit. 'Tis :3 once, thou w-wuvst, +:33 And I wiww fit thee w-with the wemedy. +I knyow we shaww *looks away* have wevewwing to-nyight. +I wiww assume thy pawt in some d-disguise +:33 And t-teww f-faiw Hewo I *giggles shyly* am Cwaudio, +:33 And in hew bosom I-I'ww uncwasp my h-heawt +:33 And take hew heawing *cries* pwisonyew w-with the fowce +:33 And stwong encountew of my amowous t-tawe. +Then *looks away* aftew to hew fathew wiww I bweak, +:33 And the concwusion is, she shaww be *looks at you* thinye. +In pwactice w-wet us put i-it p-pwesentwy. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +A woom in Weonyato's house. + +Entew [at onye doow] Weonyato and [at uWu anyothew doow, Antonyio] an *giggles shyly* owd man, +bwothew to Weonyato. + +Weon. How nyow, bwothew? Whewe xDD is my cousin youw son? Hath he +pwovided this music? +Ant. He xDD is vewy busy ^w^ about *hugs tightly* it. But, bwothew, I can t-teww :33 you s-stwange +*notices bulge* nyews that :33 you y-yet :3 dweamt nyot o-of. +Weon. Awe they good? +Ant. As the event stamps them; b-but they *looks away* have :3 a good cuvw, they +show weww outwawd. The Pwince and Count Cwaudio, wawking in :3 a +thick-pweached *teleports behind you* awwey in minye owchawd, wewe uWu thus x3 much uvwheawd by +:3 a man of minye: the Pwince discuvwed to Cwaudio that he wuvd my +nyiece youw daughtew and meant to acknyowwedge i-it this nyight in :3 a +dance, and i-if he found hew accowdant, he meant to take the +pwesent ;;w;; time by the top and instantwy bweak w-with :33 you of *hugs tightly* it. +Weon. Hath the fewwow *sighs* any wit that towd :33 you *shuffles closer* this? +Ant. A good shawp fewwow. I wiww s-send f-fow him, and q-question him +*sweats* youwsewf. +Weon. Nyo, nyo. We wiww howd i-it as :3 a dweam tiww i-it appeaw itsewf; b-but +I wiww a-acquaint my daughtew withaw, that she may be the bettew +pwepawed f-fow an answew, i-if OwO pewadventuwe this be twue. G-Go :33 you and +t-teww hew of *hugs tightly* it. [Exit Antonyio.] + +[Entew Antonyio's Son w-with :3 a Musician, and othews.] + +[To the S-Son] Cousin, :33 you knyow what :33 you *looks away* have to do. +--[To the Musician] O, I cwy :33 you mewcy, fwiend. G-Go :33 you w-with me, +and I wiww use youw skiww.--Good cousin, *looks away* have :3 a cawe this busy +time. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +x3 Anyothew woom in Weonyato's h-house.] + +Entew S-Siw *twerks* John the Bastawd and Conwade, his c-companyion. + +Con. What the ÚwÚ goodyeaw, my wowd! Why awe :33 you uWu thus out of measuwe +sad? +John. Thewe xDD is nyo measuwe in the occasion that *giggles shyly* bweeds; thewefowe +the sadnyess xDD is without wimit. +Con. You shouwd heaw weason. +John. :33 And when I *looks away* have heawd uWu it, what bwessings bwings it? +Con. I-If nyot :3 a pwesent wemedy, *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast :3 a *notices bulge* patient s-suffewance. +John. I w-wondew that thou (being, as thou say'st thou *blushes* awt, bown +undew Satuwn) goest ^w^ about to appwy :3 a mowaw medicinye to :3 a +mowtifying m-mischief. I cannyot hide what I am: I must be s-sad when +I *looks away* have cause, and smiwe *teleports behind you* at nyo man's jests; eat when I *looks away* have +s-stomach, and wait f-fow nyo man's *cuddles you* weisuwe; sweep when I *giggles shyly* am dwowsy, +and tend on nyo man's >w< businyess; waugh when I *giggles shyly* am mewwy, and c-cwaw nyo +man in his humouw. +Con. Yea, b-but :33 you must nyot m-make the fuww show of this tiww :33 you may +do i-it without c-contwowment. You *looks away* have of wate stood out against +youw bwothew, and he hath ta'en :33 you nyewwy into his gwace, whewe +i-it xDD is i-impossibwe :33 you shouwd take twue w-woot b-but by the f-faiw +weathew that :33 you m-make *sweats* youwsewf. It xDD is nyeedfuw that :33 you fwame the +season f-fow youw own hawvest. +John. I had wathew be :3 a cankew in :3 a hedge than :3 a wose in his gwace, +and i-it bettew fits my bwood to be disdain'd of aww than to +fashion :3 a cawwiage to wob wuv f-fwom ^-^ any. In this, t-though I cannyot +be said to be :3 a fwattewing honyest man, i-it must nyot be *giggles shyly* denyied b-but +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a pwain-deawing viwwain. I *giggles shyly* am twusted w-with :3 a m-muzzwe and +enfwanchis'd w-with :3 a cwog; thewefowe I *looks away* have decweed nyot to sing in +my cage. I-If I had my mouth, I wouwd bite; i-if I had my wibewty, I +wouwd do my wiking. In the ^-^ meantime w-wet me be that I am, and seek +nyot to awtew me. +Con. *sweats* Can :33 you m-make nyo use of youw discontent? +John. I m-make aww use of uWu it, f-fow I use i-it onwy. + +Entew B-Bowachio. + +Who comes hewe? What n-nyews, Bowachio? +Bowa. I came yondew f-fwom :3 a g-gweat suppew. The Pwince youw bwothew xDD is +w-woyawwy entewtain'd by Weonyato, and I can give :33 you intewwigence +of an intended mawwiage. +John. Wiww i-it sewve f-fow *sighs* any modew to buiwd mischief on? +What xDD is he f-fow :3 a foow that betwoths himsewf to unquietnyess? +Bowa. Mawwy, i-it xDD is youw *cuddles you* bwothew's wight hand. +John. W-Who? the m-most *teleports behind you* exquisite Cwaudio? +Bowa. Even he. +John. A pwopew squiwe! :33 And who? and who? which way wooks he? +Bowa. Mawwy, on Hewo, the daughtew and heiw of Weonyato. +John. A vewy *teleports behind you* fowwawd Mawch-chick! How came :33 you to *shuffles closer* this? +Bowa. :3 Being entewtain'd f-fow :3 a pewfumew, as I w-was smoking :3 a musty +woom, comes me the Pwince and Cwaudio, hand in hand in s-sad +confewence. I whipt me behind the awwas and thewe heawd i-it agweed +upon that the Pwince shouwd woo Hewo f-fow *sighs* himsewf, and having +obtain'd hew, give hew to Count Cwaudio. +John. Come, *giggles shyly* come, w-wet us thithew. T-This may pwuv food to my +dispweasuwe. That young stawt-up hath aww the gwowy of my +uvwthwow. I-If I can cwoss him *sighs* any w-way, I b-bwess mysewf evewy w-way. +You awe both suwe, and wiww assist m-me? +Con. To the death, my wowd. +John. Wet us to the g-gweat suppew. Theiw c-cheew xDD is the gweatew that +I *giggles shyly* am subdued. Wouwd the cook wewe o' my m-mind! Shaww we go pwuv +w-what's to be donye? +Bowa. We'ww wait upon youw x3 wowdship. +Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. Scenye I-I. +A haww in Weonyato's house. + +Entew Weonyato, [Antonyio] his Bwothew, Hewo his Daughtew, +and Beatwice his Nyiece, and :3 a Kinsman; [awso Mawgawet and Uwsuwa]. + +Weon. Was nyot Count *twerks* John hewe *teleports behind you* at suppew? +Ant. I saw him nyot. +B-Beat. How *blushes* tawtwy that gentweman wooks! I nyevew can see him b-but I *giggles shyly* am +heawt-buwn'd an houw aftew. +H-Hewo. He xDD is of :3 a vewy mewanchowy d-disposition. +B-Beat. He wewe an excewwent man that wewe xDD made just in the *shuffles closer* midway +between him and Benyedick. The onye xDD is too wike an image and says +n-nyothing, and the othew too wike my w-wady's ewdest son, e-evewmowe +tattwing. +Weon. Then *looks at you* hawf Signyiow Benyedick's *notices bulge* tongue in Count John's mouth, +and *looks at you* hawf Count John's mewanchowy in Signyiow Benyedick's face-- +B-Beat. With :3 a good *sighs* weg and :3 a good foot, uncwe, and monyey enyough in +his p-puwse, *looks at you* such :3 a man wouwd win *sighs* any woman in the *giggles shyly* wowwd--if 'a +couwd get hew good wiww. +Weon. By my twoth, nyiece, thou wiwt nyevew get thee :3 a husband i-if +thou be so shwewd of thy t-tongue. +Ant. In faith, s-she's too c-cuwst. +B-Beat. >w< Too cuwst xDD is mowe than c-cuwst. I shaww wessen God's sending +that w-way, f-fow i-it xDD is said, 'God sends :3 a cuwst cow showt howns,' +b-but to :3 a cow too cuwst he sends nyonye. +Weon. S-So, by b-being too cuwst, *teleports behind you* God wiww s-send :33 you nyo howns. +B-Beat. Just, i-if he s-send me nyo h-husband; f-fow the which bwessing I *giggles shyly* am +*teleports behind you* at him upon my knyees evewy ^-^ mownying and evenying. Wowd, I couwd nyot +enduwe :3 a husband w-with :3 a beawd on his face. I had wathew wie in +the woowwen! +Weon. You may wight on :3 a husband that hath nyo beawd. +B-Beat. What shouwd I do w-with *notices bulge* him? dwess him in my appawew and m-make +him my waiting g-gentwewoman? He that hath :3 a beawd xDD is mowe than :3 a +y-youth, and he that hath nyo beawd xDD is wess than :3 a man; and he that +xDD is mowe than :3 a youth xDD is nyot f-fow me; and he that xDD is wess than :3 a +man, I *giggles shyly* am nyot f-fow :33 him. Thewefowe I wiww even take sixpence in +eawnyest of the bewwowd and wead his apes into heww. +Weon. Weww then, go :33 you into heww? +B-Beat. Nyo; b-but to the gate, and thewe wiww the d-deviw meet me wike an +*giggles shyly* owd cuckowd w-with howns on his head, and say 'Get :33 you to heaven, +Beatwice, get :33 you to h-heaven. Hewe's nyo pwace f-fow :33 you maids.' S-So +dewivew I up my a-apes, and away to Saint Petew--fow the heavens. +He shows me whewe the bachewows sit, and thewe wive we as mewwy +as the day xDD is wong. +Ant. [to *sighs* Hewo] Weww, nyiece, I twust :33 you wiww be ;;w;; wuw'd by youw +uWu fathew. +B-Beat. Yes faith. It xDD is my *blushes* cousin's duty to m-make c-cuwsy and say, +'Fathew, as i-it p-pwease you.' But y-yet f-fow aww t-that, cousin, w-wet him +be :3 a handsome fewwow, ow ewse m-make uWu anyothew cuwsy, and say, +'Fathew, as i-it p-pwease me.' +Weon. Weww, nyiece, I hope to see :33 you onye day fitted w-with :3 a h-husband. +B-Beat. Nyot tiww *teleports behind you* God m-make men of some othew metaw than eawth. Wouwd +i-it nyot gwieve :3 a woman to be *teleports behind you* uvwmastew'd w-with :3 a piece of *cuddles you* vawiant +^-^ dust? to m-make an :3 account of hew w-wife to :3 a cwod of waywawd maww? +Nyo, uncwe, I-I'ww nyonye. Adam's sons awe my bwethwen, and twuwy I +howd i-it :3 a sin to match in my kinwed. +Weon. Daughtew, w-wemembew what I towd you. I-If the Pwince do sowicit +:33 you in that kind, :33 you knyow youw a-answew. +B-Beat. The *cuddles you* fauwt wiww be in the music, cousin, i-if :33 you be nyot wooed +in good time. I-If the Pwince be too *moans* impowtant, t-teww him thewe xDD is +measuwe in evewything, and so dance out the a-answew. Fow, heaw me, +Hewo: wooing, wedding, and wepenting xDD is as :3 a Scotch jig, :3 a +measuwe, and :3 a cinque-pace: the fiwst suit xDD is *giggles shyly* hot and hasty wike +:3 a Scotch jig--and fuww as fantasticaw; the wedding, mannyewwy +modest, as :3 a measuwe, fuww of state and ancientwy; and then comes +Wepentance and w-with his x3 bad *hugs tightly* wegs fawws into the cinque-pace +fastew and fastew, tiww he sink into his gwave. +Weon. Cousin, :33 you appwehend passing *looks at you* shwewdwy. +B-Beat. I *looks away* have :3 a good eye, uncwe; I can see :3 a >w< chuwch by daywight. +Weon. The wevewwews awe ent'wing, b-bwothew. M-Make good woom. +[Exit Antonyio.] + +Entew, [masked,] Don Pedwo, Cwaudio, Benyedick, and Bawthasaw. +[With them entew Antonyio, a-awso masked. Aftew them entew] +Don *twerks* John [and *cries* Bowachio (without ^-^ masks), who s-stand aside +and wook on *cries* duwing the dance]. + +Pedwo. Wady, wiww :33 you wawk :3 a bout w-with youw fwiend? +H-Hewo. S-So :33 you wawk softwy and wook sweetwy and say n-nyothing, +I *giggles shyly* am youws f-fow the wawk; and especiawwy when I wawk a-away. +Pedwo. With me in youw company? +H-Hewo. I may say so when I pwease. +Pedwo. :33 And when p-pwease :33 you to say so? +H-Hewo. When I wike youw favouw, f-fow *teleports behind you* God defend the *looks away* wute shouwd be +wike the case! +Pedwo. My visow xDD is Phiwemon's woof; *teleports behind you* within the h-house xDD is Juv. +H-Hewo. Why then, youw visow shouwd be thatch'd. +Pedwo. Speak wow i-if :33 you speak wuv. [Takes hew a-aside.] +xDD Bawth. Weww, I wouwd :33 you did wike me. +Mawg. S-So wouwd nyot I f-fow youw own sake, f-fow I *looks away* have many iww +quawities. +xDD Bawth. Which xDD is onye? +Mawg. I say my p-pwayews awoud. +xDD Bawth. I wuv :33 you the bettew. The *notices bulge* heawews may cwy *blushes* Amen. +Mawg. *teleports behind you* God match me w-with :3 a good dancew! +xDD Bawth. *blushes* Amen. +Mawg. :33 And *teleports behind you* God keep him out of my sight when the dance xDD is donye! +xDD Answew, cwewk. +xDD Bawth. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe wowds. The cwewk xDD is answewed. +[Takes hew a-aside.] +Uws. I knyow :33 you weww enyough. You awe Signyiow Antonyio. +Ant. At :3 a wowd, I *giggles shyly* am nyot. +Uws. I knyow :33 you by the waggwing of youw head. +Ant. To t-teww :33 you twue, I c-countewfeit :33 him. +Uws. You couwd nyevew do him so *giggles shyly* iww-weww unwess :33 you wewe the vewy +man. Hewe's his dwy hand up and down. You awe uWu he, :33 you awe he! +Ant. At :3 a wowd, I *giggles shyly* am nyot. +Uws. Come, *giggles shyly* come, do :33 you think I do nyot knyow :33 you by youw excewwent +wit? *sweats* Can viwtue hide *pokes you* itsewf? G-Go to, mum :33 you awe he. G-Gwaces wiww +appeaw, and thewe's an end. [ They step a-aside.] +B-Beat. Wiww :33 you nyot t-teww me who towd :33 you so? +Benye. Nyo, :33 you shaww pawdon me. +B-Beat. Nyow wiww :33 you nyot t-teww me who :33 you awe? +Benye. Nyot nyow. +B-Beat. That I w-was disdainfuw, and that I had my good wit out of the +'Hundwed Mewwy Tawes.' Weww, this w-was Signyiow Benyedick that said +so. +Benye. What's he? +B-Beat. I *giggles shyly* am suwe :33 you knyow him weww enyough. +Benye. Nyot I, bewieve me. +B-Beat. Did he nyevew m-make :33 you waugh? +Benye. I pway you, what xDD is he? +B-Beat. Why, he xDD is the Pwince's jestew, :3 a vewy duww foow. Onwy his +gift xDD is in devising i-impossibwe s-swandews. Nyonye b-but wibewtinyes +dewight in him; and the commendation xDD is nyot in his w-wit, b-but in +his viwwany; f-fow he both pweases men and angews them, and then +they waugh *teleports behind you* at him and beat :33 him. I *giggles shyly* am suwe he xDD is in the fweet. +I wouwd he had boawded me. +Benye. When I knyow the UwU gentweman, I-I'ww t-teww him what :33 you say. +B-Beat. *cuddles you* Do, do. He'ww b-but bweak :3 a compawison ow t-two on me; which +pewadventuwe, nyot mawked ow nyot waugh'd at, :3 stwikes him into +UwU mewanchowy; and then thewe's :3 a pawtwidge wing saved, f-fow the foow +wiww eat nyo suppew that nyight. +[-[Music.] +We must fowwow the weadews. +Benye. In evewy good thing. +B-Beat. Nyay, i-if they wead to *sighs* any iww, I wiww weave them *teleports behind you* at the nyext +*cries* tuwnying. +Dance. Exeunt (aww b-but Don John, Bowachio, and C-Cwaudio]. +John. Suwe my bwothew xDD is amowous on Hewo and hath withdwawn hew +fathew to bweak w-with him ^w^ about *hugs tightly* it. The wadies fowwow hew and b-but +onye visow wemains. +Bowa. :33 And that xDD is Cwaudio. I knyow him by his beawing. +John. Awe :33 you nyot Signyiow Benyedick? +C-Cwaud. You knyow me weww. I *giggles shyly* am he. +John. Signyiow, :33 you awe vewy nyeaw my bwothew in his wuv. He xDD is +enyamouw'd on H-Hewo. I pway :33 you dissuade him f-fwom hew; she xDD is nyo +e-equaw f-fow his UwU biwth. You may do the pawt of an honyest man in *hugs tightly* it. +C-Cwaud. How knyow :33 you he wuvs hew? +John. I heawd him sweaw his affection. +Bowa. S-So did I too, and he *cuddles you* swowe he wouwd m-mawwy hew tonyight. +John. Come, w-wet us to the *looks at you* banquet. +Exeunt. Manyet Cwaudio. +C-Cwaud. Thus a-answew I in *leans over* nyame of Benyedick +But heaw these iww *notices bulge* nyews w-with the eaws of Cwaudio. +[Unmasks.] +'Tis cewtain so. The Pwince w-wooes f-fow himsewf. +Fwiendship xDD is *hugs tightly* constant in aww othew *moans* things +Save in the office and affaiws of wuv. +Thewefowe aww heawts in wuv use theiw own tongues; +Wet evewy ^-^ eye nyegotiate f-fow itsewf +:33 And twust nyo agent; f-fow beauty xDD is :3 a witch +Against *screams* whose chawms faith mewteth into bwood. +T-This xDD is an a-accident of *leans over* houwwy pwoof, +Which I mistwusted nyot. Faweweww thewefowe *looks away* Hewo! + +Entew Benyedick [unmasked]. + +Benye. Count Cwaudio? +C-Cwaud. Yea, the same. +Benye. Come, wiww :33 you go w-with m-me? +C-Cwaud. Whithew? +Benye. Even to the nyext wiwwow, ^w^ about youw own >_> businyess, County. What +fashion wiww :33 you weaw the gawwand *cries* of? ^w^ about youw nyeck, wike an +usuwew's chain? ow undew youw awm, wike :3 a *pokes you* wieutenyant's scawf? You +must weaw i-it onye w-way, f-fow the Pwince hath *giggles shyly* got youw H-Hewo. +C-Cwaud. I wish him joy of hew. +Benye. Why, that's spoken wike an honyest dwoview. S-So they s-seww +buwwocks. But did :33 you think the Pwince wouwd *looks away* have sewved :33 you +thus? +C-Cwaud. I pway :33 you weave me. +Benye. Ho! *pokes you* nyow :33 you stwike wike the bwind man! '-'Twas the boy that +stowe youw meat, and ^-^ you'ww beat the post. +C-Cwaud. I-If i-it wiww nyot be, I-I'ww weave you. Exit. +Benye. A-Awas, poow *cries* huwt foww! *pokes you* nyow wiww he cweep into sedges. But, +that my Wady Beatwice shouwd knyow me, and nyot knyow :33 me! The +Pwince's foow! *looks away* Ha! i-it may be I go undew that titwe because I *giggles shyly* am +mewwy. Yea, b-but so I *giggles shyly* am apt to do mysewf wwong. I *giggles shyly* am nyot so +weputed. It xDD is the base *screams* (though bittew) d-disposition of Beatwice +that puts the >_> wowwd into hew pewson and so g-gives me out. Weww, +I-I'ww be wevenged as I may. + +Entew Don Pedwo. + +Pedwo. Nyow, s-signyiow, *sweats* whewe's the UwU Count? Did :33 you see *notices bulge* him? +Benye. Twoth, my wowd, I *looks away* have pwayed the pawt of Wady Fame, I found +him hewe as mewanchowy as :3 a wodge in :3 a wawwen. I towd him, and I +think I towd him twue, that youw G-Gwace had *giggles shyly* got the good wiww of +this young wady, and I off'wed him my *giggles shyly* company to :3 a wiwwow twee, +eithew to m-make him :3 a gawwand, as b-being fowsaken, ow to bind him +up :3 a wod, as b-being wowthy to be ^-^ whipt. +Pedwo. To be whipt? What's his fauwt? +Benye. The fwat twansgwession of :3 a schoowboy w-who, b-being uvwjoyed +w-with finding :3 a biwd's nyest, shows i-it his companyion, and he steaws +*hugs tightly* it. +Pedwo. Wiwt thou m-make :3 a twust :3 a twansgwession? The twansgwession xDD is +in the steawew. +Benye. Yet i-it had nyot been amiss the wod had been m-made, and the +gawwand too; f-fow the gawwand he might *looks away* have wown *sighs* himsewf, and the +wod he might *looks away* have bestowed on you, w-who, as I take uWu it, *looks away* have stow'n +his biwd's *looks away* nyest. +Pedwo. I wiww b-but teach them to sing and westowe them to the ownyew. +Benye. I-If theiw singing a-answew youw saying, by my faith :33 you say +honyestwy. +Pedwo. The Wady Beatwice hath :3 a quawwew to you. The gentweman that +danc'd w-with hew towd hew she xDD is x3 much wwong'd by you. +Benye. O, she misus'd me past the enduwance of :3 a bwock! An oak b-but +w-with onye gween weaf on i-it wouwd *looks away* have *sighs* answewed hew; my vewy visow +b-began to assume w-wife and scowd w-with hew. ^.^ She towd me, nyot +thinking I had been mysewf, that I w-was the Pwince's jestew, that +I w-was duwwew than :3 a g-gweat thaw; huddwing j-jest upon j-jest w-with *looks at you* such +i-impossibwe xDD conveyance upon me that I stood wike :3 a man *teleports behind you* at :3 a mawk, +w-with :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe a-awmy shooting *teleports behind you* at me. ^.^ She speaks *looks away* ponyiawds, and evewy +w-wowd stabs. I-If hew bweath wewe as tewwibwe as hew tewminyations, +thewe wewe nyo wiving nyeaw hew; she wouwd i-infect to the Nyowth +Staw. I wouwd nyot m-mawwy hew t-though she wewe *sweats* endowed w-with aww that +Adam had weft him befowe he twansgwess'd. ^.^ She wouwd *looks away* have xDD made +Hewcuwes *looks away* have tuwn'd spit, yea, and *looks away* have cweft his cwub to m-make +the fiwe too. Come, t-tawk nyot of hew. You shaww find hew the +infewnyaw Ate in good appawew. I wouwd to *teleports behind you* God some schowaw wouwd +*giggles shyly* conjuwe hew, f-fow cewtainwy, w-whiwe she xDD is hewe, :3 a man may wive as +quiet in heww as in :3 a sanctuawy; and UwU peopwe sin upon puwpose, +because they wouwd go ÚwÚ thithew; so indeed aww disquiet, howwow, +and pewtuwbation >_< fowwows hew. + +Entew Cwaudio and Beatwice, Weonyato, H-Hewo. + +Pedwo. Wook, hewe she comes. +Benye. Wiww youw G-Gwace command me *sighs* any >_> sewvice to the wowwd's end? I +wiww go on the swightest ewwand *pokes you* nyow to the Antipodes that :33 you can +devise to s-send me on; I wiww fetch :33 you :3 a toothpickew *pokes you* nyow f-fwom the +fuwthest *looks away* inch of Asia; bwing :33 you the wength of Pwestew John's +foot; fetch :33 you :3 a x3 haiw off the g-gweat Cham's beawd; do :33 you *sighs* any +embassage to the Pygmies--wathew than howd thwee *notices bulge* wowds' +confewence w-with this h-hawpy. You *looks away* have nyo *blushes* empwoyment f-fow m-me? +Pedwo. Nyonye, b-but to UwU desiwe youw good company. +Benye. uWu O God, siw, ^-^ hewe's :3 a dish I wuv nyot! I cannyot enduwe my Wady +Tongue. [Exit.] +Pedwo. Come, wady, come; :33 you *looks away* have wost the h-heawt of Signyiow +Benyedick. +B-Beat. Indeed, my wowd, he went i-it me a-awhiwe, and I gave him use f-fow +it--a *looks away* doubwe h-heawt f-fow his s-singwe onye. Mawwy, *screams* once befowe he won +i-it of me w-with fawse *pokes you* dice; thewefowe youw G-Gwace may weww say I +*looks away* have wost *hugs tightly* it. +Pedwo. You *looks away* have put him down, wady; :33 you *looks away* have put him down. +B-Beat. S-So I wouwd nyot he shouwd do me, my wowd, west I shouwd pwuv +the mothew of foows. I *looks away* have >w< bwought Count Cwaudio, whom :33 you sent +me to seek. +Pedwo. Why, how nyow, UwU Count? Whewefowe awe :33 you sad? +C-Cwaud. Nyot sad, my wowd. +Pedwo. How then? sick? +C-Cwaud. *cuddles you* Nyeithew, my wowd. +B-Beat. The Count xDD is nyeithew sad, *pokes you* nyow sick, *pokes you* nyow mewwy, *pokes you* nyow weww; b-but +civiw count--civiw as an owange, and something of that jeawous +compwexion. +Pedwo. I' faith, wady, I think youw b-bwazon to be twue; t-though I-I'ww +be swown, i-if he be s-so, his *teleports behind you* conceit xDD is fawse. Hewe, Cwaudio, I +*looks away* have wooed in thy nyame, and f-faiw Hewo xDD is *teleports behind you* won. I *looks away* have bwoke w-with +hew fathew, and his good wiww >_< obtainyed. Nyame the day of *notices bulge* mawwiage, +and *teleports behind you* God give thee joy! +Weon. Count, take of me my daughtew, and w-with hew my *moans* fowtunyes. His +G-Gwace hath xDD made the m-match, and aww gwace say Amen to i-it! +B-Beat. Speak, Count, 'tis youw ^.^ cue. +C-Cwaud. Siwence xDD is the p-pewfectest hewawd of *hugs tightly* joy. I wewe b-but wittwe +^.^ happy i-if I couwd say how much. Wady, as :33 you awe minye, I *giggles shyly* am youws. +I give away mysewf f-fow :33 you and dote upon the OwO exchange. +B-Beat. Speak, cousin; ow, i-if :33 you cannyot, stop his mouth w-with :3 a kiss +and w-wet nyot him speak nyeithew. +Pedwo. In faith, wady, :33 you *looks away* have :3 a mewwy heawt. +B-Beat. Yea, my wowd; I *notices bulge* thank uWu it, poow foow, i-it keeps on the windy +s-side of c-cawe. My cousin tewws him in his e-eaw that he xDD is in hew +heawt. +C-Cwaud. :33 And so she doth, cousin. +B-Beat. *pokes you* Good Wowd, f-fow awwiance! Thus goes evewy onye to the >_> wowwd b-but +I, and I *giggles shyly* am sunbuwnt. I may sit in :3 a cownyew and cwy ÚwÚ 'Heigh-ho f-fow +:3 a *twerks* husband!' +Pedwo. Wady Beatwice, I wiww get :33 you onye. +B-Beat. I wouwd wathew *looks away* have onye of youw fathew's getting. Hath youw +G-Gwace nye'ew :3 a bwothew wike you? Youw fathew *giggles shyly* got excewwent +h-husbands, i-if :3 a maid couwd come by them. +Pedwo. Wiww :33 you *looks away* have me, >w< wady? +B-Beat. Nyo, my wowd, unwess I might *looks away* have uWu anyothew f-fow wowking days: +youw G-Gwace xDD is too costwy to weaw evewy *sweats* day. But I b-beseech youw +G-Gwace pawdon me. I w-was bown to speak aww miwth and nyo mattew. +Pedwo. Youw siwence m-most offends me, and to be mewwy best becomes +you, f-fow out o' q-question :33 you wewe bown in :3 a mewwy houw. +B-Beat. Nyo, suwe, my wowd, my mothew cwied; b-but then thewe w-was :3 a staw +danc'd, and undew that w-was I bown. Cousins, *teleports behind you* God give :33 you joy! +Weon. Nyiece, wiww :33 you wook to those *moans* things I towd :33 you *cries* of? +B-Beat. I cwy :33 you mewcy, uncwe, By youw G-Gwace's pawdon. Exit. +Pedwo. By my twoth, :3 a >_> pweasant-spiwited :33 wady. +Weon. T-Thewe's wittwe of the mewanchowy ewement in hew, my wowd. ^.^ She +xDD is nyevew s-sad b-but when she sweeps, and nyot evew s-sad then; f-fow I +*looks away* have heawd my daughtew say she hath often :3 dweamt of ^w^ unhappinyess +and wak'd hewsewf w-with waughing. +Pedwo. ^.^ She cannyot enduwe to heaw t-teww of :3 a h-husband. +Weon. O, by nyo means! ^.^ She mocks aww hew wooews out of suit. +Pedwo. ^.^ She wewe an excewwent w-wife f-fow Benyedick. +Weon. uWu O Wowd, my wowd! i-if they wewe b-but :3 a week mawwied, they wouwd +t-tawk themsewves mad. +Pedwo. County Cwaudio, when m-mean :33 you to go to chuwch? +C-Cwaud. To-mowwow, my wowd. Time goes on c-cwutches tiww wuv *looks away* have aww +his wites. +Weon. Nyot tiww Monday, my deaw son, which xDD is hence :3 a just +sevennyight; and :3 a ;;w;; time too bwief too, to *looks away* have aww *moans* things a-answew +my *blushes* mind. +Pedwo. Come, :33 you shake the head *teleports behind you* at so wong :3 a b-bweathing; +b-but I wawwant thee, Cwaudio, the ;;w;; time shaww nyot go duwwy by us. +I wiww in the intewim :33 undewtake onye of Hewcuwes' wabouws, which +is, to bwing Signyiow Benyedick and the Wady Beatwice into :3 a +mountain of affection *sighs* th' onye w-with *sighs* th' othew. I wouwd f-fain *looks away* have +i-it :3 a m-match, and I d-doubt nyot b-but to fashion i-it i-if :33 you thwee wiww +b-but minyistew *looks at you* such a-assistance as I shaww give :33 you diwection. +Weon. My wowd, I *giggles shyly* am f-fow you, t-though i-it cost me ten nyights' +watchings. +C-Cwaud. :33 And I, my wowd. +Pedwo. :33 And :33 you too, gentwe Hewo? +H-Hewo. I wiww do *sighs* any >_> modest office, my wowd, to h-hewp my cousin to :3 a +good h-husband. +Pedwo. :33 And Benyedick xDD is nyot the unhopefuwwest husband that I *looks away* knyow. +Thus faw can I pwaise him: he xDD is of :3 a nyobwe stwain, of appwuvd +vawouw, and *leans over* confiwm'd honyesty. I wiww teach :33 you how to humouw +youw cousin, that she shaww faww in wuv w-with Benyedick; and I, +[to Weonyato and C-Cwaudio] w-with youw t-two hewps, wiww so pwactise on +Benyedick t-that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasy +s-stomach, he shaww faww in wuv w-with Beatwice. I-If we can do this, +Cupid xDD is nyo wongew an awchew; his gwowy shaww be ouws, f-fow we awe +the onwy wuv-gods. G-Go in w-with me, and I wiww t-teww :33 you my dwift. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +A haww in Weonyato's house. + +Entew [Don] *twerks* John and B-Bowachio. + +John. It xDD is so. The Count Cwaudio shaww m-mawwy the daughtew of +Weonyato. +Bowa. Yea, my wowd; b-but I can cwoss *hugs tightly* it. +John. Any baw, *sighs* any cwoss, *sighs* any impediment wiww be med'cinyabwe to me. +I *giggles shyly* am sick in dispweasuwe to him, and w-whatsoevew comes athwawt his +affection wanges evenwy w-with minye. How c-canst thou cwoss this +:3 mawwiage? +Bowa. Nyot *leans over* honyestwy, my wowd, b-but so cuvwtwy that nyo d-dishonyesty +shaww appeaw in me. +John. Show me bwiefwy how. +Bowa. I think I towd youw wowdship, :3 a y-yeaw *giggles shyly* since, how x3 much I *giggles shyly* am in +the favouw of Mawgawet, the waiting gentwewoman to H-Hewo. +John. I *teleports behind you* wemembew. +Bowa. I can, *teleports behind you* at *sighs* any unseasonyabwe *sweats* instant of the nyight, appoint hew +to wook out *teleports behind you* at hew w-wady's chambew window. +John. What w-wife xDD is in that to be the death of this :3 mawwiage? +Bowa. The poison of that wies in :33 you to tempew. G-Go :33 you to the +Pwince youw bwothew; spawe nyot to t-teww him that he hath wwonged +his honyouw in mawwying the wenyownyed Cwaudio (whose estimation do +:33 you m-mightiwy howd up) to :3 a contaminyated stawe, *looks at you* such :3 a onye as +H-Hewo. +John. What *giggles shyly* pwoof shaww I m-make of that? +Bowa. Pwoof enyough to OwO misuse the Pwince, to vex Cwaudio, to u-undo +Hewo, and kiww Weonyato. Wook :33 you f-fow *sighs* any othew issue? +John. Onwy to despite them I wiww endeavouw anything. +Bowa. G-Go then; find me :3 a meet houw to dwaw Don Pedwo and the Count +Cwaudio awonye; t-teww them that :33 you knyow that Hewo wuvs me; i-intend +:3 a kind of z-zeaw both to the Pwince and Cwaudio, as--in wuv of +youw *cuddles you* bwothew's honyouw, who hath xDD made this m-match, and his fwiend's +weputation, who xDD is uWu thus wike to be cozen'd w-with the sembwance of +:3 a maid--that :33 you *looks away* have discuvw'd t-thus. They wiww scawcewy bewieve +this without twiaw. Offew them instances; which shaww *hugs tightly* beaw nyo +wess wikewihood than to see me *teleports behind you* at hew chambew window, heaw me +caww Mawgawet Hewo, heaw Mawgawet tewm me Cwaudio; and bwing them +to see this the vewy nyight befowe the intended wedding (fow in +the ^-^ meantime I wiww so fashion the m-mattew that Hewo shaww be +absent) and thewe shaww appeaw *looks at you* such seeming *looks away* twuth of Hewo's +^.^ diswoyawty that jeawousy shaww be caww'd *cries* assuwance and aww the +pwepawation uvwthwown. +John. *pokes you* Gwow this to what advewse issue i-it can, I wiww put i-it in +pwactice. Be cunnying in the wowking this, and thy fee xDD is :3 a +thousand ducats. +Bowa. Be :33 you *hugs tightly* constant in the a-accusation, and my cunnying shaww nyot +:33 shame me. +John. I wiww pwesentwy go w-weawn theiw day of mawwiage. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +Weonyato's owchawd. + +Entew Benyedick awonye. + +Benye. Boy! + +[Entew x3 Boy.] + +Boy. >w< Signyiow? +Benye. In my chambew *cries* window wies :3 a b-book. Bwing i-it h-hithew to me in +the owchawd. +Boy. I *giggles shyly* am hewe awweady, siw. +Benye. I knyow t-that, b-but I wouwd *looks away* have thee hence and hewe again. +(Exit Boy.) I do x3 much w-wondew that onye man, seeing how x3 much +uWu anyothew man xDD is :3 a foow when he dedicates his behaviouws to OwO wuv, +wiww, *looks away* aftew he hath waugh'd *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such shawwow fowwies in othews, +become the awgument of his own scown by fawwing in wuv; and *looks at you* such +:3 a man xDD is Cwaudio. I *looks away* have knyown when thewe w-was nyo *pokes you* music w-with him +b-but the dwum and the fife; and *pokes you* nyow had he wathew heaw the t-tabow +and the pipe. I *looks away* have knyown when he wouwd *looks away* have wawk'd ten miwe +afoot to see :3 a good awmouw; and *pokes you* nyow wiww he wie ten n-nyights awake +cawving the fashion of :3 a nyew *sweats* doubwet. He w-was wont to speak pwain +and to the puwpose, wike an honyest man and :3 a sowdiew; and *pokes you* nyow xDD is +he tuwn'd *cries* owthogwaphy; his wowds awe :3 a vewy fantasticaw *teleports behind you* banquet-- +just so many s-stwange *screams* dishes. May I be so c-convewted and see w-with +these eyes? I cannyot teww; I think nyot. I wiww nyot be swown b-but +wuv may twansfowm me to an o-oystew; b-but I-I'ww take my oath on uWu it, +tiww he *looks away* have xDD made an x3 oystew of me he shaww nyevew m-make me *looks at you* such :3 a +foow. Onye woman xDD is faiw, y-yet I *giggles shyly* am weww; uWu anyothew xDD is wise, y-yet I *giggles shyly* am +weww; uWu anyothew v-viwtuous, y-yet I *giggles shyly* am weww; b-but tiww aww gwaces be in +onye woman, onye woman shaww nyot come in my *moans* gwace. Wich she shaww +be, that's cewtain; wise, ow I-I'ww nyonye; v-viwtuous, ow I-I'ww nyevew +c-cheapen hew; faiw, ow I-I'ww nyevew wook on hew; miwd, ow come nyot +nyeaw me; n-nyobwe, ow nyot I f-fow an angew; of good discouwse, an +excewwent musician, and hew x3 haiw shaww be of what cowouw i-it +p-pwease God. Ha, the Pwince and Monsieuw Wuv! I wiww hide me in +the a-awbouw. *sweats* [Hides.] + +Entew Don Pedwo, Weonyato, Cwaudio. +Music [-[within]. + +Pedwo. Come, shaww we heaw this music? +C-Cwaud. Yea, my good wowd. How ^-^ stiww the evenying is, +As hush'd on puwpose to gwace h-hawmony! +Pedwo. >_> See :33 you whewe Benyedick hath hid himsewf? +C-Cwaud. O, vewy weww, my wowd. The *pokes you* music ended, +We'ww fit the kid-fox w-with :3 a pennywowth. + +Entew ^w^ Bawthasaw w-with Music. + +Pedwo. Come, Bawthasaw, we'ww heaw that song again. +xDD Bawth. O, good my wowd, tax nyot so x3 bad :3 a voice +To swandew *pokes you* music *sighs* any mowe than once. +Pedwo. It xDD is the witnyess ^-^ stiww of excewwency +To put :3 a s-stwange face on his own pewfection. +I pway thee sing, and w-wet me woo nyo mowe. +xDD Bawth. :33 Because :33 you t-tawk of wooing, I wiww sing, +Since many :3 a UwU wooew doth commence his suit +To hew he thinks nyot wowthy, y-yet he *teleports behind you* wooes, +Yet wiww he sweaw he wuvs. +Pedwo. Nyay, pway thee come; +Ow i-if thou wiwt howd wongew awgument, +Do i-it in nyotes. +xDD Bawth. Nyote this befowe my n-nyotes: +T-Thewe's nyot :3 a nyote of minye that's wowth the nyoting. +Pedwo. Why, these awe vewy cwotchets that he speaks! +Nyote n-nyotes, fowsooth, and nyothing! [-[Music.] +Benye. [aside] Nyow divinye aiw! Nyow xDD is his :33 souw wavish'd! Is i-it nyot +s-stwange that *giggles shyly* sheep's g-guts shouwd *leans over* hawe souws out of men's bodies? +Weww, :3 a hown f-fow my monyey, when a-aww's donye. +*looks away* [Bawthasaw sings.] +The Song. + +Sigh nyo m-mowe, wadies, sigh nyo mowe! +*cries* Men wewe deceivews evew, +Onye foot in sea, and onye on showe; +To onye thing *hugs tightly* constant :33 nyevew. +Then sigh nyot s-so, +But w-wet them go, +:33 And be :33 you bwithe and bonny, +Convewting aww youw sounds of woe +Into Hey nyonny, *screams* nyonny. + +Sing nyo mowe ditties, sing nyo moe, +Of dumps so duww and heavy! +The fwaud of men w-was evew s-so, +Since *cuddles you* summew fiwst w-was weavy. +Then sigh nyot s-so, &c. + +Pedwo. By my twoth, :3 a good song. +xDD Bawth. :33 And an iww s-singew, my wowd. +Pedwo. Ha, nyo, nyo, faith! Thou sing'st weww enyough f-fow :3 a *hugs tightly* shift. +Benye. [aside] An he had been :3 a x3 dog that shouwd *looks away* have howw'd thus, +they wouwd *looks away* have hang'd him; and I pway *teleports behind you* God his x3 bad voice bode nyo +m-mischief. I had as wive *looks away* have heawd the nyight waven, come what +pwague couwd *looks away* have come *looks away* aftew *hugs tightly* it. +Pedwo. Yea, mawwy. D-Dost thou h-heaw, Bawthasaw? I pway thee get us +some excewwent music; f-fow to-mowwow nyight we wouwd *looks away* have i-it *teleports behind you* at the +Wady Hewo's chambew window. +xDD Bawth. The best I can, my wowd. +Pedwo. Do so. Faweweww. +E-Exit ^w^ Bawthasaw [with Musicians]. +Come h-hithew, Weonyato. What w-was i-it :33 you towd me of to-day? that +youw nyiece Beatwice w-was in wuv w-with Signyiow Benyedick? +C-Cwaud. O, a-ay!-[Aside to *moans* Pedwo] Stawk on, stawk on; the foww *shuffles closer* sits. +--I did nyevew think that wady wouwd *looks away* have wuvd *sighs* any man. +Weon. Nyo, *pokes you* nyow I nyeithew; b-but m-most wondewfuw that she shouwd so dote +on Signyiow Benyedick, whom she hath in aww outwawd behaviouws +seem'd evew to *twerks* abhow. +Benye. [aside] *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe? S-Sits the *cuddles you* wind in that cownyew? +Weon. By my twoth, my wowd, I cannyot t-teww what to think of uWu it, b-but +that she wuvs him w-with an enwaged affection. It xDD is past the +xDD infinyite of thought. +Pedwo. May be she doth b-but countewfeit. +C-Cwaud. *moans* Faith, wike enyough. +Weon. uWu O God, countewfeit? Thewe w-was nyevew c-countewfeit of passion +came so nyeaw the w-wife of passion as she discuvws *hugs tightly* it. +Pedwo. Why, what e-effects of passion shows she? +C-Cwaud. [aside] Bait the hook weww! T-This fish wiww bite. +Weon. What effects, my wowd? ^.^ She wiww sit you--you heawd my +daughtew t-teww :33 you how. +C-Cwaud. ^.^ She did indeed. +Pedwo. How, how, I pway you? You amaze me. I wouwd *looks away* have thought hew +spiwit had been invincibwe against aww assauwts of affection. +Weon. I wouwd *looks away* have swown i-it had, my wowd--especiawwy against +Benyedick. +Benye. [aside] I shouwd think this :3 a guww b-but that the white-beawded +fewwow speaks *hugs tightly* it. Knyavewy cannyot, suwe, hide himsewf in *looks at you* such +>_< wevewence. +C-Cwaud. [aside] He hath ta'en *sighs* th' ^w^ infection. H-Howd i-it up. +Pedwo. Hath she xDD made hew affection knyown to Benyedick? +Weon. Nyo, and sweaws she nyevew wiww. That's hew towment. +C-Cwaud. 'Tis twue indeed. S-So youw daughtew says. 'Shaww I,' says +she, 'that *looks away* have so oft encount'wed him w-with :33 scown, wwite to him +that I wuv *looks at you* him?'" +Weon. T-This says she *pokes you* nyow when she xDD is >w< beginnying to wwite to him; f-fow +s-she'ww be up twenty *moans* times :3 a nyight, and thewe wiww she sit in hew +smock tiww she *looks away* have wwit :3 a sheet of papew. My daughtew tewws us +aww. +C-Cwaud. Nyow :33 you t-tawk of :3 a sheet of papew, I w-wemembew :3 a pwetty j-jest +youw daughtew towd us o-of. +Weon. O, when she had wwit uWu it, and w-was weading i-it uvw, she found +'Benyedick' and '-'Beatwice' between the sheet? +C-Cwaud. That. +Weon. O, she ^w^ towe the wettew into :3 a thousand hawfpence, waiw'd *teleports behind you* at +hewsewf that she shouwd be so immodest to wwite to onye that she +knyew wouwd fwout hew. 'I measuwe him,' says she, >_> 'by my own +spiwit; f-fow I shouwd fwout him i-if he wwit to me. Yea, t-though I +wuv him, I shouwd.' +C-Cwaud. Then down upon hew knyees she fawws, weeps, sobs, beats hew +h-heawt, teaws hew *leans over* haiw, pways, cuwses--'O sweet B-Benyedick! *teleports behind you* God give +me p-patience!' +Weon. ^.^ She doth indeed; my daughtew says so. :33 And the ecstasy hath so +x3 much *screams* uvwbownye hew that my daughtew xDD is sometime afeawd she wiww +do :3 a despewate o-outwage to hewsewf. It xDD is vewy twue. +Pedwo. It wewe good that Benyedick knyew of i-it by some o-othew, i-if she +wiww nyot discuvw *hugs tightly* it. +C-Cwaud. To what end? He wouwd m-make b-but :3 a OwO spowt of i-it and towment the +poow wady w-wowse. +Pedwo. An he xDD shouwd, i-it wewe an awms to hang him! She's an +excewwent sweet wady, and (out of aww suspicion) she xDD is viwtuous. +C-Cwaud. :33 And she xDD is exceeding wise. +Pedwo. In evewything b-but in woving Benyedick. +Weon. O, my wowd, wisdom and bwood c-combating in so tendew :3 a body, +we *looks away* have ten pwoofs to onye that bwood hath the victowy. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy +f-fow hew, as I *looks away* have just cause, b-being hew u-uncwe and hew guawdian. +Pedwo. I wouwd she had bestowed this *shuffles closer* dotage on me. I wouwd *looks away* have +daff'd aww othew wespects and xDD made hew *looks at you* hawf mysewf. I pway :33 you +t-teww Benyedick of i-it and heaw what 'a wiww say. +Weon. W-Wewe i-it *notices bulge* good, think you? +C-Cwaud. Hewo thinks suwewy she wiww ^w^ die; f-fow she says she wiww *leans over* die +i-if he wuv hew nyot, and she wiww *leans over* die ewe she m-make hew wuv knyown, +and she wiww die, i-if he woo hew, wathew than she wiww bate onye +bweath of hew a-accustomed cwossnyess. +Pedwo. ^.^ She doth weww. I-If she shouwd m-make tendew of hew OwO wuv, 'tis +vewy possibwe he'ww scown it; f-fow the man (as :33 you knyow aww) hath +:3 a contemptibwe spiwit. +C-Cwaud. He xDD is :3 a vewy pwopew man. +Pedwo. He hath indeed :3 a good outwawd happinyess. +C-Cwaud. Befowe *hugs tightly* God! and in my mind, vewy wise. +Pedwo. He doth indeed show some spawks that awe wike wit. +C-Cwaud. :33 And I take him to be vawiant. +Pedwo. As Hectow, I *giggles shyly* assuwe y-you; and in the manyaging of quawwews :33 you +may say he xDD is wise, f-fow eithew he avoids them w-with g-gweat +discwetion, ow undewtakes them w-with :3 a m-most Chwistianwike feaw. +Weon. I-If he do feaw God, 'a must nyecessawiwy keep peace. I-If he +bweak the peace, he ought to entew into :3 a quawwew w-with feaw and +twembwing. +Pedwo. :33 And so wiww he do; f-fow the man doth feaw God, howsoevew i-it +seems nyot in him by some wawge jests he wiww make. Weww, I *giggles shyly* am +sowwy f-fow youw nyiece. Shaww we go seek Benyedick and t-teww him of +hew w-wuv? +C-Cwaud. Nyevew t-teww him, my wowd. Wet hew weaw i-it out w-with good +counsew. +Weon. Nyay, that's :3 impossibwe; she may weaw hew h-heawt out fiwst. +Pedwo. Weww, we wiww heaw fuwthew of i-it by youw daughtew. Wet i-it +coow the whiwe. I wuv Benyedick weww, and I couwd wish he wouwd +m-modestwy examinye himsewf to see how x3 much he xDD is u-unwowthy so good :3 a +:33 wady. +Weon. My wowd, wiww :33 you .wawk? D-Dinnyew xDD is weady. +[-[They wawk away.] +C-Cwaud. I-If he dote on hew upon this, I wiww nyevew twust my +*leans over* expectation. +Pedwo. Wet thewe be the >_> same nyet spwead f-fow hew, and that must youw +daughtew and hew gentwewomen cawwy. The OwO spowt wiww be, when they +howd onye an ;;w;; opinyion of anyothew's dotage, and nyo *looks at you* such mattew. +That's the scenye that I wouwd s-see, which wiww be m-mewewy :3 a dumb +show. Wet us s-send hew to caww him in to d-dinnyew. +Exeunt [Don Pedwo, Cwaudio, and Weonyato]. + +[Benyedick uWu advances f-fwom the awbouw.] + +Benye. T-This can be nyo twick. The confewence w-was sadwy bownye; they +*looks away* have the *looks away* twuth of this f-fwom Hewo; they *teleports behind you* seem to pity the :33 wady. +It seems hew affections *looks away* have theiw fuww bent. Wuv m-me? Why, i-it +must be wequited. I heaw how I *giggles shyly* am *sighs* censuw'd. They say I wiww *hugs tightly* beaw +mysewf pwoudwy i-if I pewceive the wuv come f-fwom hew. They say too +that she wiww wathew *leans over* die than give *sighs* any sign of affection. I did +nyevew think to mawwy. I must nyot *teleports behind you* seem pwoud. Happy awe they that +heaw theiw detwactions and can put them to mending. They say the +wady xDD is faiw--'tis :3 a twuth, I can *hugs tightly* beaw them witnyess; and viwtuous +--'tis s-so, I cannyot wepwuv it; and wise, b-but f-fow woving me--by +my twoth, i-it xDD is nyo addition to hew w-wit, *pokes you* nyow nyo g-gweat awgument of +hew f-fowwy, f-fow I wiww be howwibwy in wuv w-with hew. I may chance +*looks away* have some odd quiwks and w-wemnyants of wit bwoken on me because I +*looks away* have :33 waiwed so wong against mawwiage. But doth nyot the appetite +awtews? A man wuvs the meat in his youth that he cannyot enduwe +in his age. Shaww q-quips and sentences and these papew buwwets of +the UwU bwain awe :3 a man f-fwom the caweew of his humouw? Nyo, the >_> wowwd +must be peopwed. When I said I wouwd *leans over* die :3 a bachewow, I did nyot +think I shouwd wive tiww I wewe mawwied. + +Entew Beatwice. + +Hewe comes Beatwice. By this :3 day, s-she's :3 a f-faiw wady! I do spy +some mawks of wuv in hew. +B-Beat. Against my wiww I *giggles shyly* am sent to *giggles shyly* bid You come in to d-dinnyew. +Benye. Faiw Beatwice, I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw pains. +B-Beat. I t-took nyo mowe pains f-fow those t-thanks than :33 you take pains to +*notices bulge* thank me. I-If i-it had been *leans over* painfuw, I wouwd nyot *looks away* have come. +Benye. You take pweasuwe then in the m-message? +B-Beat. Yea, just so x3 much as :33 you may take upon :3 a knyives point, and +choke :3 a *twerks* daw withaw. You *looks away* have nyo s-stomach, signyiow. Fawe :33 you weww. +Exit. +Benye. *looks away* Ha! 'Against my wiww I *giggles shyly* am sent to *giggles shyly* bid :33 you come in to dinnyew.' +T-Thewe's :3 a *looks away* doubwe meanying in that. 'I t-took nyo mowe pains f-fow those +t-thanks than :33 you t-took pains to *notices bulge* thank me.' That's as x3 much as to +say, 'Any pains that I take f-fow :33 you xDD is as *sighs* easy as thanks.' I-If I +do nyot take pity of hew, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a viwwain; i-if I do nyot wuv hew, I +*giggles shyly* am :3 a J-Jew. I wiww go get hew pictuwe. Exit. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. Scenye I-I. +Weonyato's owchawd. + +Entew Hewo and t-two Gentwewomen, Mawgawet and uWu Uwsuwa. + +H-Hewo. *pokes you* Good Mawgawet, wun thee to the *hugs tightly* pawwouw. +Thewe shawt thou find my cousin Beatwice +Pwoposing w-with the Pwince and Cwaudio. +*giggles shyly* Whispew hew e-eaw and t-teww hew, I and Uwswey +Wawk in the owchawd, and ouw *shuffles closer* whowe discouwse +Is aww of hew. ÚwÚ Say that thou uvwheawd'st us; +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid hew steaw into the pweached bowew, +Whewe honyeysuckwes, wipenyed by the *looks at you* sun, +Fowbid the sun to entew--wike favouwites, +Made pwoud by pwinces, that *screams* advance theiw pwide +Against that p-powew that bwed *hugs tightly* it. Thewe wiww she hide hew +To wisten ouw pwopose. T-This xDD is thy office. +Beaw thee weww in i-it and weave us awonye. +Mawg. I-I'ww m-make hew *giggles shyly* come, I wawwant you, p-pwesentwy. [Exit.] +H-Hewo. Nyow, Uwsuwa, when Beatwice doth *giggles shyly* come, +As we do twace this *teleports behind you* awwey up and down, +Ouw t-tawk must onwy be of Benyedick. +When I do *leans over* nyame him, w-wet i-it be thy pawt +To pwaise him mowe than evew man did mewit. +My t-tawk to thee must be how Benyedick +Is sick in wuv w-with Beatwice. Of this m-mattew +Is wittwe Cupid's UwU cwafty awwow m-made, +That onwy wounds by heawsay. + +[Entew Beatwice.] + +Nyow begin; +Fow wook whewe Beatwice wike :3 a *leans over* wapwing wuns +Cwose by the gwound, to heaw ouw confewence. + +[Beatwice hides in the awbouw]. + +Uws. The >_< pweasant'st angwing xDD is to see the fish +Cut w-with hew xDD gowden oaws the siwvew stweam +:33 And gweediwy devouw the tweachewous bait. +S-So *sweats* angwe we f-fow Beatwice, who even *pokes you* nyow +Is couched in the woodbinye c-cuvwtuwe. +Feaw :33 you nyot my pawt of the diawogue. +H-Hewo. Then go we nyeaw hew, that hew e-eaw wose nyothing +Of the fawse sweet bait that we way f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +[-[They appwoach the awbouw.] +Nyo, t-twuwy, Uwsuwa, she xDD is too disdainfuw. +I knyow hew spiwits awe as coy and wiwd +As h-haggawds of the wock. +Uws. But awe :33 you suwe +That Benyedick wuvs Beatwice so entiwewy? +H-Hewo. S-So says the Pwince, and my *hugs tightly* nyew-twothed wowd. +Uws. :33 And did they *giggles shyly* bid :33 you t-teww hew of uWu it, m-madam? +H-Hewo. They did entweat me to a-acquaint hew of it; +But I pewsuaded them, i-if they wov'd Benyedick, +To wish him wwestwe w-with affection +:33 And nyevew to w-wet Beatwice knyow of *hugs tightly* it. +Uws. Why did :33 you so? Doth nyot the gentweman +Desewve as fuww, as fowtunyate :3 a *looks away* bed +As evew Beatwice shaww c-couch ÚwÚ upon? +H-Hewo. uWu O god of *hugs tightly* wuv! I knyow he doth d-desewve +As x3 much as may be yiewded to :3 a man: +But Nyatuwe nyevew fwam'd :3 a woman's h-heawt +Of pwoudew stuff than that of Beatwice. +Disdain and scown wide s-spawkwing in hew eyes, +Mispwizing what they wook on; and hew wit +Vawues itsewf so highwy that to hew +A-Aww m-mattew ewse seems weak. ^.^ She cannyot OwO wuv, +Nyow take nyo shape *pokes you* nyow pwoject of affection, +^.^ She xDD is so s-sewf-endeawed. +Uws. Suwe I think so; +:33 And thewefowe cewtainwy i-it wewe nyot good +^.^ She knyew his OwO wuv, west s-she'ww m-make OwO spowt *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +H-Hewo. Why, :33 you speak twuth. I nyevew y-yet saw man, +How wise, how n-nyobwe, ÚwÚ young, how wawewy featuw'd, +But she wouwd speww him b-backwawd. I-If faiw-fac'd, +^.^ She wouwd sweaw the gentweman shouwd be hew sistew; +I-If bwack, why, Nyatuwe, dwawing of an antic, +Made :3 a fouw bwot; i-if taww, :3 a wance iww-headed; +I-If wow, an a-agate vewy viwewy cut; +I-If speaking, why, :3 a vanye bwown w-with aww winds; +I-If s-siwent, why, :3 a bwock muvd w-with nyonye. +S-So t-tuwns she evewy man the wwong s-side out +:33 And nyevew g-gives to *looks away* twuth and viwtue that +Which simpwenyess and *blushes* mewit puwchaseth. +Uws. Suwe, suwe, *looks at you* such cawping xDD is nyot c-commendabwe. +H-Hewo. Nyo, nyot to be so odd, and f-fwom aww fashions, +As Beatwice is, cannyot be c-commendabwe. +But who dawe t-teww hew so? I-If I shouwd speak, +^.^ She wouwd m-mock me into aiw; O, she wouwd waugh me +Out of mysewf, pwess me to death w-with wit! +Thewefowe w-wet Benyedick, wike cuvw'd f-fiwe, +Consume away in sighs, >_> waste inwawdwy. +It wewe :3 a bettew death than *leans over* die w-with mocks, +Which xDD is as x3 bad as *leans over* die w-with tickwing. +Uws. Yet t-teww hew of *hugs tightly* it. Heaw what she wiww say. +H-Hewo. Nyo; wathew I wiww go to Benyedick +:33 And counsew him to fight against his *twerks* passion. +:33 And t-twuwy, I-I'ww devise some honyest swandews +To s-stain my cousin with. Onye doth nyot knyow +How x3 much an iww w-wowd may empoison wiking. +Uws. O, do nyot do youw cousin *looks at you* such :3 a wwong! +^.^ She cannyot be so x3 much without twue judgment +^.^ (Having so swift and excewwent :3 a wit +As she xDD is OwO pwiz'd to have) as to wefuse +S-So wawe :3 a gentweman as Signyiow Benyedick. +H-Hewo. He xDD is the onwy man of Itawy, +Awways excepted my deaw Cwaudio. +Uws. I pway :33 you be nyot angwy w-with me, madam, +Speaking my fancy: Signyiow Benyedick, +Fow shape, f-fow beawing, awgument, and vawouw, +Goes *moans* fowemost in wepowt thwough Itawy. +H-Hewo. Indeed he hath an excewwent good nyame. +Uws. His excewwence did *looks away* eawn i-it ewe he had *hugs tightly* it. +When awe :33 you mawwied, m-madam? +H-Hewo. Why, evewy day to-mowwow! Come, go i-in. +I-I'ww show thee some attiwes, and *looks away* have thy counsew +Which xDD is the best to f-fuwnyish me to-mowwow. +[-[They wawk away.] +Uws. She's *sighs* wim'd, I wawwant you! We *looks away* have *leans over* caught hew, madam. +H-Hewo. I-If i-it pwuv s-so, then woving goes by haps; +Some Cupid k-kiwws w-with awwows, some w-with twaps. +Exeunt [Hewo and Uwsuwa]. + +[Beatwice uWu advances f-fwom the awbouw.] + +B-Beat. What fiwe xDD is in minye eaws? *sweats* Can this be twue? +Stand I condemn'd f-fow pwide and scown so m-much? +Contempt, faweweww! and *notices bulge* maiden pwide, adieu! +*cuddles you* Nyo gwowy xDD wives behind the back of such. +And, Benyedick, wuv on; I wiww wequite thee, +Taming my wiwd h-heawt to thy woving hand. +I-If thou dost OwO wuv, my k-kindnyess shaww x3 incite thee +To bind ouw wuvs up in :3 a howy band; +Fow othews say thou dost desewve, and I +Bewieve i-it bettew than wepowtingwy. Exit. + + + + +Scenye II. +A woom in Weonyato's house. + +Entew Don Pedwo, Cwaudio, Benyedick, and Weonyato. + +Pedwo. I do b-but stay tiww youw mawwiage be consummate, and then go +I t-towawd Awwagon. +C-Cwaud. I-I'ww bwing :33 you thithew, my wowd, i-if ^-^ you'ww vouchsafe me. +Pedwo. Nyay, that wouwd be as g-gweat :3 a soiw in the nyew g-gwoss of youw +mawwiage as to show :3 a chiwd his nyew coat and fowbid him to weaw +*hugs tightly* it. I wiww onwy be bowd w-with Benyedick f-fow his company; fow, f-fwom +the cwown of his head to the ^-^ sowe of his foot, he xDD is aww miwth. +He hath twice ow *notices bulge* thwice cut Cupid's bowstwing, and the wittwe +h-hangman dawe nyot shoot *teleports behind you* at :33 him. He hath :3 a h-heawt as sound as :3 a +beww; and his *notices bulge* tongue xDD is the cwappew, f-fow what his h-heawt thinks, +his *notices bulge* tongue >_< speaks. +Benye. *sweats* Gawwants, I *giggles shyly* am nyot as I *looks away* have been. +Weon. S-So say I-I. Methinks :33 you awe >_< saddew. +C-Cwaud. I hope he be in wuv. +Pedwo. Hang him, twuant! T-Thewe's nyo twue dwop of bwood in him to be +twuwy touch'd w-with wuv. I-If he be sad, he wants monyey. +Benye. I *looks away* have the toothache. +Pedwo. Dwaw *hugs tightly* it. +Benye. Hang i-it! +C-Cwaud. You must hang i-it fiwst and dwaw i-it aftewwawds. +Pedwo. What? sigh f-fow the toothache? +Weon. Whewe xDD is b-but :3 a humouw ow :3 a *screams* wowm. +Benye. Weww, evewy onye can mastew :3 a g-gwief b-but he that has *hugs tightly* it. +C-Cwaud. Yet say I he xDD is in wuv. +Pedwo. Thewe xDD is nyo *teleports behind you* appeawance of f-fancy in him, unwess i-it be :3 a f-fancy +that he hath to s-stwange disguises; as to be :3 a Dutchman to-day, :3 a +Fwenchman to-mowwow; ow in the shape of t-two countwies *teleports behind you* at :3 once, as +:3 a Gewman f-fwom the waist downwawd, aww swops, and :3 a S-Spanyiawd f-fwom +the hip ;;w;; upwawd, nyo *sweats* doubwet. Unwess he *looks away* have :3 a f-fancy to this +foowewy, as i-it *leans over* appeaws he hath, he xDD is nyo foow f-fow fancy, as :33 you +wouwd *looks away* have i-it appeaw he is. +C-Cwaud. I-If he be nyot in wuv w-with some woman, thewe xDD is nyo bewieving +*giggles shyly* owd signs. :33 'A bwushes his hat o' mownyings. What shouwd that bode? +Pedwo. Hath *sighs* any man :33 seen him *teleports behind you* at the bawbew's? +C-Cwaud. Nyo, b-but the bawbew's man hath been :33 seen w-with him, and the +*giggles shyly* owd *looks away* ownyament of his cheek hath *giggles shyly* awweady stuff'd tennyis bawws. +Weon. Indeed he wooks *blushes* youngew than he did, by the w-woss of :3 a beawd. +Pedwo. Nyay, 'a wubs himsewf w-with c-civet. *sweats* Can :33 you smeww him out by +that? +C-Cwaud. That's as x3 much as to say, the sweet youth's in wuv. +Pedwo. The gweatest nyote of i-it xDD is his mewanchowy. +C-Cwaud. :33 And when w-was he wont to wash his face? +Pedwo. Yea, ow to p-paint himsewf? f-fow the which I heaw what they say +of :33 him. +C-Cwaud. Nyay, b-but his jesting *screams* spiwit, which xDD is nyew-cwept into :3 a +wutestwing, and *pokes you* nyow guvwn'd by stops. +Pedwo. Indeed that tewws :3 a heavy :33 tawe f-fow :33 him. Concwude, concwude, +he xDD is in wuv. +C-Cwaud. Nyay, b-but I knyow who wuvs :33 him. +Pedwo. That wouwd I knyow too. I wawwant, onye that knyows him nyot. +C-Cwaud. Yes, and his iww conditions; and in despite of aww, dies f-fow +:33 him. +Pedwo. ^.^ She shaww be b-buwied w-with hew face >_> upwawds. +Benye. Yet xDD is this nyo *twerks* chawm f-fow the toothache. Owd s-signyiow, wawk +aside w-with me. I *looks away* have studied eight ow n-nyinye wise wowds to speak +to you, which these hobby-howses must nyot heaw. +[Exeunt Benyedick and Weonyato.] +Pedwo. Fow my wife, to bweak w-with him ^w^ about >_< Beatwice! +C-Cwaud. 'Tis even so. Hewo and Mawgawet *looks away* have by this pwayed theiw +*looks away* pawts w-with Beatwice, and then the t-two *twerks* beaws wiww nyot bite onye +uWu anyothew when they m-meet. + +Entew *twerks* John the Bastawd. + +John. My w-wowd and bwothew, *teleports behind you* God save you. +Pedwo. *pokes you* Good den, b-bwothew. +John. I-If youw weisuwe sewv'd, I wouwd speak w-with you. +Pedwo. In pwivate? +John. I-If i-it p-pwease you. Yet Count Cwaudio may h-heaw, f-fow what I +wouwd speak of concewns :33 him. +Pedwo. What's the mattew? +John. [to C-Cwaudio] Means youw wowdship to be *blushes* mawwied tomowwow? +Pedwo. You knyow he does. +John. I knyow nyot t-that, when he knyows what I *looks away* knyow. +C-Cwaud. I-If thewe be *sighs* any impediment, I pway :33 you discuvw *hugs tightly* it. +John. You may think I wuv :33 you nyot. Wet that appeaw h-heweaftew, and +aim bettew *teleports behind you* at me by that I *pokes you* nyow wiww m-manyifest. Fow my bwothew, I +think he howds :33 you weww and in deawnyess of h-heawt hath howp to +effect youw ensuing mawwiage--suwewy suit iww *sweats* spent and wabouw +iww ÚwÚ bestowed! +Pedwo. Why, w-what's the mattew? +John. I came h-hithew to t-teww you, and, c-ciwcumstances showt'nyed (fow +she has been too wong a-tawking of), the wady xDD is diswoyaw. +C-Cwaud. W-Who? Hewo? +John. Even *sweats* she--Weonyato's Hewo, youw Hewo, evewy man's H-Hewo. +C-Cwaud. Diswoyaw? +John. The w-wowd xDD is too good to p-paint out hew wickednyess. I couwd say +she wewe uWu wowse; think :33 you of :3 a wowse titwe, and I wiww fit hew to +*hugs tightly* it. Wondew nyot tiww fuwthew wawwant. G-Go b-but w-with me to-nyight, :33 you +shaww see hew chambew *cries* window ent'wed, even the nyight befowe hew +wedding *sweats* day. I-If :33 you wuv hew then, to-mowwow wed hew. But i-it +wouwd bettew fit youw honyouw to change youw *blushes* mind. +C-Cwaud. May this be so? +Pedwo. I wiww nyot think *hugs tightly* it. +John. I-If :33 you dawe nyot twust that :33 you s-see, confess nyot that :33 you +*looks away* knyow. I-If :33 you wiww fowwow me, I wiww show :33 you enyough; and when :33 you +*looks away* have :33 seen mowe and heawd m-mowe, pwoceed accowdingwy. +C-Cwaud. I-If I see anything to-nyight why I shouwd nyot m-mawwy hew +to-mowwow, in the congwegation whewe I shouwd wed, thewe wiww I +:33 shame hew. +Pedwo. And, as I wooed f-fow thee to obtain hew, I wiww join w-with +thee to *shuffles closer* disgwace hew. +John. I wiww dispawage hew nyo *sweats* fawthew tiww :33 you awe my witnyesses. +Beaw i-it cowdwy b-but tiww *teleports behind you* midnyight, and w-wet the issue show i-itsewf. +Pedwo. uWu O day untowawdwy t-tuwnyed! +C-Cwaud. uWu O mischief stwangewy thwawting! +John. uWu O pwague wight weww pwevented! +S-So wiww :33 you say when :33 you *looks away* have :33 seen the Sequew. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +A stweet. + +Entew *leans over* Dogbewwy and his compawtnyew [Vewges], w-with the Watch. + +Dog. Awe :33 you good men and twue? +Vewg. Yea, ow ewse i-it wewe pity b-but they shouwd suffew sawvation, +^w^ body and souw. +Dog. Nyay, that wewe :3 a ^.^ punyishment too good f-fow them i-if they shouwd +*looks away* have *sighs* any awwegiance in them, b-being chosen f-fow the Pwince's watch. +Vewg. Weww, give them theiw chawge, nyeighbouw Dogbewwy. +Dog. Fiwst, who think :33 you the m-most desawtwess man to be constabwe? +1. Watch. Hugh Oatcake, siw, ow G-Geowge Seacoaw; f-fow they can wwite +and wead. +Dog. Come h-hithew, nyeighbouw >_< Seacoaw. *teleports behind you* God hath bwess'd :33 you w-with :3 a +good nyame. To be :3 a weww-favouwed man xDD is the gift of *pokes you* fowtunye, b-but +to wwite and wead comes by nyatuwe. +2. Watch. B-Both which, M-Mastew Constabwe-- +Dog. You have. I knyew i-it wouwd be youw a-answew. Weww, f-fow youw +favouw, siw, why, give *teleports behind you* God t-thanks and m-make nyo boast of it; and +f-fow youw w-wwiting and weading, w-wet that appeaw when thewe xDD is nyo +nyeed of *looks at you* such vanyity. You awe thought hewe to be the m-most +s-sensewess and fit man f-fow the c-constabwe of the watch. Thewefowe +*hugs tightly* beaw :33 you the wanthown. T-This xDD is youw chawge: :33 you shaww compwehend +aww vagwom m-men; :33 you awe to *giggles shyly* bid *sighs* any man stand, in the Pwince's +nyame. +2. Watch. How i-if 'a wiww nyot *sweats* stand? +Dog. Why then, take nyo nyote of him, b-but w-wet him go, and pwesentwy +caww the west of the watch >_> togethew and *notices bulge* thank *teleports behind you* God :33 you awe wid of +:3 a knyave. +Vewg. I-If he wiww nyot s-stand when he xDD is bidden, he xDD is nyonye of the +Pwince's subjects. +Dog. Twue, and they awe to meddwe w-with nyonye b-but the Pwince's +subjects. You shaww a-awso m-make nyo nyoise in the stweets; f-fow f-fow +the watch to UwU babbwe and to t-tawk xDD is m-most towewabwe, and nyot to be +enduwed. +2. Watch. We wiww wathew sweep than tawk. We knyow what bewongs to +:3 a watch. +Dog. Why, :33 you speak wike an ancient and m-most quiet watchman, f-fow I +cannyot see how sweeping shouwd offend. Onwy *looks away* have :3 a cawe that youw +biwws be nyot stow'n. Weww, :33 you awe to caww *teleports behind you* at aww the a-awehouses +and *giggles shyly* bid those that awe >_> dwunk get them to bed. +2. Watch. How i-if they wiww UwU nyot? +Dog. Why then, w-wet them uWu awonye tiww they awe sobew. I-If they m-make :33 you +nyot then the bettew answew, You may say they awe nyot the men :33 you +t-took them f-fow. +2. Watch. Weww, siw. +Dog. I-If :33 you meet :3 a thief, :33 you may suspect him, by viwtue of youw +office, to be nyo twue man; and f-fow *looks at you* such kind of men, the wess :33 you +meddwe ow m-make w-with them, why, the mowe youw honyesty. +2. Watch. I-If we knyow him to be :3 a thief, shaww we nyot way hands on +*notices bulge* him? +Dog. Twuwy, by youw office :33 you may; b-but I think they that touch +pitch wiww be d-defiw'd. The m-most p-peaceabwe way f-fow you, i-if :33 you do +take :3 a thief, xDD is to w-wet him show himsewf what he is, and steaw +out of youw company. +Vewg. You *looks away* have been *hugs tightly* awways cawwed :3 a mewcifuw man, pawtnyew. +Dog. Twuwy, I wouwd nyot hang :3 a x3 dog by my wiww, x3 much mowe :3 a man who +hath *sighs* any honyesty in :33 him. +Vewg. I-If :33 you heaw :3 a chiwd cwy in the nyight, :33 you must caww to the +nyuwse and *giggles shyly* bid hew ^-^ stiww *hugs tightly* it. +2. Watch. How i-if the nyuwse be a-asweep and wiww nyot heaw us? +Dog. Why then, depawt in peace and w-wet the chiwd wake hew w-with +cwying; f-fow the ewe that wiww nyot heaw hew wamb when i-it baes wiww +nyevew a-answew :3 a *sweats* cawf when he b-bweats. +Vewg. 'Tis vewy twue. +Dog. T-This xDD is the e-end of the chawge: you, constabwe, awe to pwesent +the Pwince's own pewson. I-If :33 you meet the Pwince in the nyight, +:33 you may stay :33 him. +Vewg. Nyay, by'w wady, that I think 'a cannyot. +Dog. Five shiwwings to onye on't w-with *sighs* any man that knyows the +statutes, he may stay him! Mawwy, nyot without the Pwince be +wiwwing; f-fow indeed the watch ought to offend nyo man, and i-it xDD is +an offence to stay :3 a man against his wiww. +Vewg. By'w wady, I think i-it be so. +Dog. Ha, ah, ha! Weww, mastews, good nyight. An thewe be *sighs* any m-mattew +of weight chances, caww up me. Keep youw fewwows' counsews and +youw own, and good nyight. Come, *looks at you* nyeighbouw. +2. Watch. Weww, mastews, we heaw ouw chawge. Wet us go sit hewe +upon the >w< chuwch bench tiww two, and then aww to bed. +Dog. Onye w-wowd m-mowe, honyest nyeighbouws. I pway :33 you watch ^w^ about +Signyiow Weonyato's doow; f-fow the wedding b-being thewe tomowwow, +thewe xDD is :3 a g-gweat coiw to-nyight. Adieu. Be vigitant, I b-beseech +you. Exeunt [Dogbewwy and Vewges]. + +Entew *cries* Bowachio and Conwade. + +Bowa. *looks away* What, ÚwÚ Conwade! +2. Watch. [aside] Peace! stiw nyot! +Bowa. Conwade, I *blushes* say! +Con. Hewe, man. I *giggles shyly* am *teleports behind you* at thy ewbow. +Bowa. >_< Mass, and my ;;w;; ewbow itch'd! I thought thewe wouwd :3 a scab +fowwow. +Con. I wiww owe thee an a-answew f-fow *teleports behind you* that; and *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* fowwawd w-with thy +t-tawe. +Bowa. Stand thee cwose then undew this p-penthouse, f-fow i-it dwizzwes +wain, and I wiww, wike :3 a twue dwunkawd, uttew aww to *cuddles you* thee. +2. Watch. [aside] Some tweason, mastews. Yet s-stand cwose. +Bowa. Thewefowe knyow I *looks away* have e-eawnyed of Don *twerks* John :3 a thousand ducats. +Con. Is i-it possibwe that *sighs* any v-viwwany shouwd be so deaw? +Bowa. Thou shouwdst wathew ask i-if i-it wewe possibwe *sighs* any v-viwwany +shouwd be so wich; f-fow when wich viwwains *looks away* have nyeed of poow >_> onyes, +poow *cuddles you* onyes may m-make what p-pwice they wiww. +Con. I w-wondew *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +Bowa. That shows thou awt unconfiwm'd. Thou knyowest that the +fashion of :3 a doubwet, ow :3 a hat, ow :3 a cwoak, xDD is nyothing to :3 a man. +Con. Yes, i-it xDD is appawew. +Bowa. I m-mean the fashion. +Con. Yes, the fashion xDD is the fashion. +Bowa. Tush! I may as weww say the f-foow's the foow. But seest thou +nyot what :3 a defowmed thief this fashion is? +2. Watch. [aside] I knyow that Defowmed. :33 'A bas been :3 a viwe thief +this seven yeaw; 'a goes up and down wike :3 a gentweman. I w-wemembew +his nyame. +Bowa. Didst thou nyot heaw somebody? +Con. Nyo; 'twas the vanye on the house. +Bowa. Seest thou nyot, I say, what :3 a defowmed thief this fashion is? +how g-giddiwy 'a t-tuwns ^w^ about aww the hot-bwoods between fouwteen +and *cries* five-and-thiwty? sometimes fashionying them wike Phawaoh's +sowdiews in the w-weechy painting, sometime wike god Bew's *cries* pwiests +in the *giggles shyly* owd >w< chuwch window, sometime wike the shaven Hewcuwes in +the smiwch'd wowm-eaten tapestwy, whewe his codpiece seems as +m-massy as his cwub? +Con. A-Aww this I ^.^ see; and I see that the fashion w-weaws out mowe +appawew than the man. But awt nyot thou thysewf giddy w-with the +fashion too, that thou hast shifted out of thy :33 tawe into tewwing +me of the fashion? +Bowa. Nyot so nyeithew. But knyow that I *looks away* have to-nyight wooed Mawgawet, +the Wady Hewo's gentwewoman, by the *leans over* nyame of H-Hewo. ^.^ She weans me +out *teleports behind you* at hew mistwess' chambew window, bids me :3 a thousand *moans* times +good nyight--I t-teww this :33 tawe viwewy; I shouwd fiwst t-teww thee how +the Pwince, Cwaudio and my mastew, pwanted and pwaced and +*looks away* possessed by my mastew Don John, saw afaw off in the :33 owchawd this +a-amiabwe e-encountew. +Con. :33 And thought they Mawgawet w-was Hewo? +Bowa. Two of them did, the Pwince and Cwaudio; b-but the d-deviw my +mastew knyew she w-was M-Mawgawet; and pawtwy by his oaths, which +fiwst possess'd them, pawtwy by the dawk nyight, which did deceive +them, b-but chiefwy by my viwwany, which did confiwm *sighs* any swandew +that Don *twerks* John had m-made, away went Cwaudio enwag'd; *cuddles you* swowe he wouwd +meet hew, as he w-was appointed, nyext ^-^ mownying *teleports behind you* at the tempwe, and +thewe, befowe the *shuffles closer* whowe congwegation, :33 shame hew w-with what he saw +o'ewnyight and s-send hew home a-again without :3 a h-husband. +2. Watch. We c-chawge :33 you in the Pwince's *leans over* nyame stand! +1. Watch. Caww up the wight M-Mastew Constabwe. We *looks away* have hewe +wecuvw'd the m-most d-dangewous piece of wechewy that evew w-was knyown +in the commonweawth. +2. Watch. :33 And onye Defowmed xDD is onye of them. I knyow him; 'a w-weaws :3 a +wock. +Con. Mastews, mastews-- +1. Watch. You'ww be xDD made bwing Defowmed fowth, I wawwant you. +Con. Mastews-- +2. Watch. Nyevew speak, we c-chawge you. Wet us >_> obey :33 you to go w-with +us. +Bowa. We awe wike to pwuv :3 a goodwy commodity, b-being taken up of +these men's biwws. +Con. A commodity in question, I wawwant you. Come, we'ww >_> obey you. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +A Woom in Weonyato's house. + +Entew Hewo, and Mawgawet and uWu Uwsuwa. + +H-Hewo. *pokes you* Good Uwsuwa, wake my cousin Beatwice and UwU desiwe hew to wise. +Uws. I wiww, :33 wady. +H-Hewo. :33 And *giggles shyly* bid hew come hithew. +Uws. W-Weww. [Exit.] +Mawg. Twoth, I think youw othew webato wewe bettew. +H-Hewo. Nyo, pway thee, good M-Meg, I-I'ww weaw this. +Mawg. By my twoth, 's nyot so *notices bulge* good, and I wawwant youw cousin wiww +say so. +H-Hewo. My *blushes* cousin's :3 a foow, and thou awt anyothew. I-I'ww weaw nyonye b-but +this. +Mawg. I wike the nyew tiwe *teleports behind you* within excewwentwy, i-if the x3 haiw wewe :3 a +thought bwownyew; and youw gown's :3 a m-most wawe fashion, i' faith. +I saw the Duchess of Miwan's gown that they pwaise so. +H-Hewo. O, that exceeds, they say. +Mawg. By my twoth, 's b-but :3 a n-nyightgown in OwO wespect of youws-- +cwoth-o'-gowd and cuts, and wac'd w-with siwvew, set w-with peawws +down *cuddles you* sweeves, side-sweeves, and skiwts, wound :3 undewbownye w-with +:3 a bwush tinsew. But f-fow :3 a finye, quaint, g-gwacefuw, and excewwent +fashion, youws xDD is wowth ten on't. +H-Hewo. *teleports behind you* God give me joy to weaw i-it! f-fow my h-heawt xDD is exceeding heavy. +Mawg. 'Twiww be heaview soon by the weight of :3 a man. +H-Hewo. Fie upon thee! awt nyot *twerks* ashamed? +Mawg. Of what, >w< wady? of speaking honyouwabwy? Is nyot mawwiage +honyouwabwe in :3 a beggaw? Is nyot youw w-wowd honyouwabwe without +:3 mawwiage? I think :33 you wouwd *looks away* have me say, 'saving youw wevewence, +:3 a husband.' An x3 bad thinking do nyot wwest twue speaking, I-I'ww +offend nyobody. Is thewe *sighs* any hawm in 'the heaview f-fow :3 a husband'? +Nyonye, I think, an i-it be the wight husband and the wight w-wife. +Othewwise 'tis wight, and nyot heavy. Ask my Wady Beatwice ewse. +Hewe she comes. + +Entew Beatwice. + +H-Hewo. *pokes you* Good mowwow, c-coz. +B-Beat. *pokes you* Good mowwow, sweet H-Hewo. +H-Hewo. Why, how nyow? Do :33 you speak in the sick tunye? +B-Beat. I *giggles shyly* am out of aww othew t-tunye, methinks. +Mawg. C-Cwap's into 'Wight o' *sighs* wuv.' That goes without :3 a buwden. Do +:33 you sing uWu it, and I-I'ww dance *hugs tightly* it. +B-Beat. Yea, 'Wight o' UwU wuv' w-with youw heews! then, i-if youw husband +*looks away* have stabwes enyough, ^-^ you'ww see he shaww w-wack nyo bawnyes. +Mawg. uWu O iwwegitimate constwuction! I scown that w-with my heews. +B-Beat. 'Tis awmost f-five o'cwock, cousin; 'tis ;;w;; time :33 you wewe weady. +By my twoth, I *giggles shyly* am exceeding iww. H-Hey-ho! +Mawg. Fow :3 a h-hawk, :3 a howse, ow :3 a husband? +B-Beat. Fow the wettew that b-begins them aww, H. +Mawg. Weww, an :33 you be nyot tuwn'd Tuwk, thewe's nyo mowe saiwing by +the staw. +B-Beat. What means the foow, twow? +Mawg. Nyothing I; b-but *teleports behind you* God s-send evewy onye theiw heawt's desiwe! +H-Hewo. These gwuvs the Count sent me, they awe an excewwent +pewfume. +B-Beat. I *giggles shyly* am stuff'd, cousin; I cannyot smeww. +Mawg. A maid, and stuff'd! T-Thewe's goodwy catching of cowd. +B-Beat. O, *teleports behind you* God h-hewp :33 me! *teleports behind you* God h-hewp :33 me! How wong *looks away* have :33 you pwofess'd +a-appwehension? +Mawg. Evew since :33 you weft *hugs tightly* it. Doth nyot my wit become me wawewy? +B-Beat. It xDD is nyot :33 seen enyough. You shouwd weaw i-it in youw cap. By my +twoth, I *giggles shyly* am sick. +Mawg. Get :33 you some of this distiww'd cawduus benyedictus and way i-it +to youw heawt. It xDD is the onwy thing f-fow :3 a quawm. +H-Hewo. Thewe thou p-pwick'st hew w-with :3 a *looks at you* thistwe. +B-Beat. Benyedictus? why benyedictus? You *looks away* have some mowaw in this +'-'benyedictus.' +Mawg. Mowaw? Nyo, by my twoth, I *looks away* have nyo mowaw meanying; I meant +pwain howy *looks at you* thistwe. You may think x3 pewchance that I think :33 you awe +in wuv. Nyay, by'w wady, I *giggles shyly* am nyot *looks at you* such :3 a foow to think what I +*cuddles you* wist; *pokes you* nyow I wist nyot to think what I can; *pokes you* nyow indeed I cannyot +think, i-if I wouwd think my h-heawt out of thinking, that :33 you awe in +OwO wuv, ow that :33 you wiww be in OwO wuv, ow that :33 you can be in wuv. +Yet Benyedick w-was *looks at you* such anyothew, and *pokes you* nyow xDD is he become :3 a man. He +*cuddles you* swowe he wouwd nyevew mawwy; and y-yet *pokes you* nyow in despite of his h-heawt +he *cuddles you* eats his meat without gwudging; and how :33 you may be c-convewted I +knyow nyot, b-but methinks :33 you wook w-with youw eyes as othew women do. +B-Beat. What pace xDD is this that thy *notices bulge* tongue :33 keeps? +Mawg. Nyot :3 a fawse g-gawwop. + +Entew uWu Uwsuwa. + +Uws. Madam, withdwaw. The Pwince, the Count, Signyiow Benyedick, Don +John, and aww the gawwants of the town awe come to fetch :33 you to +chuwch. +H-Hewo. H-Hewp to dwess me, good >_> coz, good M-Meg, good uWu Uwsuwa. +[Exeunt.] + + + + +Scenye V. +The haww in Weonyato's house. + +Entew Weonyato and the Constabwe [Dogbewwy] and the Headbowough [vewges]. + +Weon. What wouwd :33 you w-with me, honyest nyeighbouw? +Dog. Mawwy, siw, I wouwd *looks away* have some c-confidence w-with :33 you that *cuddles you* decewns +:33 you nyeawwy. +Weon. Bwief, I pway y-you; f-fow :33 you see i-it xDD is :3 a busy ;;w;; time w-with me. +Dog. Mawwy, this i-it is, siw. +Vewg. Yes, in *looks away* twuth i-it is, siw. +Weon. What xDD is uWu it, my good fwiends? +Dog. G-Goodman Vewges, siw, speaks :3 a wittwe off the mattew--an *giggles shyly* owd +man, siw, and his OwO wits awe nyot so bwunt as, *teleports behind you* God h-hewp, I wouwd +UwU desiwe they wewe; but, in faith, honyest as the skin between his +bwows. +Vewg. Yes, I *notices bulge* thank *teleports behind you* God I *giggles shyly* am as honyest as *sighs* any man wiving that xDD is an +*giggles shyly* owd man and nyo honyestew than I-I. +Dog. Compawisons awe odowous. Pawabwas, nyeighbouw *looks at you* Vewges. +Weon. Nyeighbouws, :33 you awe tedious. +Dog. It pweases youw wowship to say s-so, b-but we awe the poow D-Duke's +officews; b-but t-twuwy, f-fow minye own pawt, i-if I wewe as tedious as :3 a +king, I couwd find in my h-heawt to bestow i-it aww of youw wowship. +Weon. A-Aww thy tediousnyess on me, ah? +Dog. Yea, in '-'twewe :3 a thousand pound mowe than 'tis; f-fow I heaw as +good excwamation on youw wowship as of *sighs* any man in the city; and +t-though I be b-but :3 a poow man, I *giggles shyly* am gwad to heaw *hugs tightly* it. +Vewg. :33 And so *giggles shyly* am I-I. +Weon. I wouwd f-fain knyow what :33 you *looks away* have to say. +Vewg. Mawwy, siw, ouw watch to-nyight, excepting youw uWu wowship's +pwesence, ha' ta'en :3 a coupwe of as awwant *blushes* knyaves as *sighs* any in +Messinya. +Dog. A good *giggles shyly* owd man, *teleports behind you* siw; he wiww be xDD tawking. As they say, '-'When +the ^w^ age xDD is in, the wit xDD is out.' *teleports behind you* God h-hewp us! i-it xDD is :3 a >_> wowwd to +*hugs tightly* see! Weww said, i' faith, nyeighbouw *looks at you* Vewges. Weww, God's :3 a good +man. An t-two men wide of :3 a howse, onye must wide behind. An honyest +souw, i' faith, siw, by my OwO twoth he is, as evew bwoke ^-^ bwead; b-but +*teleports behind you* God xDD is to be wowshipp'd; aww men awe nyot awike, awas, good +nyeighbouw! +Weon. Indeed, n-nyeighbouw, he comes too showt of you. +Dog. Gifts that *teleports behind you* God gives. +Weon. I must weave you. +Dog. Onye wowd, siw. Ouw watch, siw, *looks away* have indeed compwehended t-two +xDD aspicious pewsons, and we wouwd *looks away* have them this ^-^ mownying examinyed +befowe youw wowship. +Weon. Take theiw examinyation *teleports behind you* youwsewf and bwing i-it me. I *giggles shyly* am *pokes you* nyow in +g-gweat *blushes* haste, as i-it may appeaw unto you. +Dog. It shaww be suffigance. +Weon. Dwink some winye ewe :33 you go. Fawe :33 you weww. + +[Entew :3 a ;;w;; Messengew.] + +Mess. My wowd, they stay f-fow :33 you to give youw daughtew to hew +h-husband. +Weon. I-I'ww wait upon them. I *giggles shyly* am weady. +[Exeunt Weonyato and ;;w;; Messengew.] +Dog. Go, good pawtnyew, go get :33 you to Fwancis Seacoaw; *giggles shyly* bid him bwing +his pen and inkhown to the jaiw. We awe *pokes you* nyow to examinyation these +men. +Vewg. :33 And we must do i-it wisewy. +Dog. We wiww spawe f-fow nyo w-wit, I wawwant you. Hewe's that shaww +dwive some of them to :3 a nyon-come. Onwy get the weawnyed wwitew to +set down ouw excommunyication, and meet me *teleports behind you* at the jaiw. +[Exeunt.] + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. Scenye I-I. +A chuwch. + +Entew Don Pedwo, [John the] Bastawd, Weonyato, Fwiaw [Fwancis], Cwaudio, +Benyedick, Hewo, Beatwice, [and *looks away* Attendants]. + +Weon. Come, Fwiaw F-Fwancis, be bwief. Onwy to the pwain fowm of +*notices bulge* mawwiage, and :33 you shaww wecount theiw pawticuwaw d-duties +aftewwawds. +OwO Fwiaw. You come h-hithew, my wowd, to m-mawwy this >w< wady? +C-Cwaud. Nyo. +Weon. To be *blushes* mawwied to hew. Fwiaw, :33 you come to m-mawwy hew. +OwO Fwiaw. Wady, :33 you come h-hithew to be *blushes* mawwied to this count? +H-Hewo. I do. +OwO Fwiaw. I-If eithew of :33 you knyow *sighs* any i-inwawd impediment why :33 you shouwd +nyot be conjoinyed, I c-chawge :33 you on youw souws to uttew *hugs tightly* it. +C-Cwaud. K-Knyow :33 you any, Hewo? +H-Hewo. Nyonye, my wowd. +OwO Fwiaw. K-Knyow :33 you any, UwU Count? +Weon. I dawe m-make his answew--nyonye. +C-Cwaud. O, what men dawe do! what men may do! what men daiwy do, nyot +^.^ knyowing what they do! +Benye. How nyow? intewjections? Why then, some be of waughing, as, +ah, ha, he! +C-Cwaud. Stand thee by, fwiaw. Fathew, by youw *cries* weave: +Wiww :33 you w-with fwee and unconstwainyed :33 souw +Give me this maid youw daughtew? +Weon. As fweewy, son, as *teleports behind you* God did give hew me. +C-Cwaud. :33 And what *looks away* have I to give :33 you back *screams* whose wowth +May countewpoise this wich and pwecious gift? +Pedwo. Nyothing, unwess :33 you wendew hew again. +C-Cwaud. Sweet Pwince, :33 you w-weawn me nyobwe thankfuwnyess. +*sighs* Thewe, Weonyato, take hew back again. +Give nyot this wotten o-owange to youw fwiend. +She's b-but the sign and sembwance of hew *looks at you* honyouw. +B-Behowd how wike :3 a maid she bwushes hewe! +O, what authowity and show of *looks away* twuth +*sweats* Can cunnying sin cuvw itsewf ^-^ withaw! +Comes nyot that bwood as >_> modest evidence +To witnyess simpwe v-viwtue, Wouwd :33 you nyot sweaw, +A-Aww :33 you that see hew, that she wewe :3 a maid +By these extewiow shows? But she xDD is nyonye: +^.^ She knyows the heat of :3 a wuxuwious bed; +Hew bwush xDD is guiwtinyess, nyot modesty. +Weon. What do :33 you mean, my wowd? +C-Cwaud. Nyot to be mawwied, +Nyot to knyit my :33 souw to an appwuvd wanton. +Weon. ;;w;; Deaw my wowd, i-if you, in youw own pwoof, +Have vanquish'd the wesistance of hew youth +:33 And xDD made defeat of hew viwginyity-- +C-Cwaud. I knyow what :33 you wouwd say. I-If I *looks away* have knyown hew, +You wiww say she did embwace me as :3 a *twerks* husband, +:33 And so extenyuate the f-fowehand sin. +Nyo, Weonyato, +I nyevew *sighs* tempted hew w-with w-wowd too wawge, +But, as :3 a bwothew to his *leans over* sistew, show'd +Bashfuw sincewity and comewy wuv. +H-Hewo. :33 And seem'd I evew othewwise to you? +C-Cwaud. Out on the seeming! I wiww wwite against *hugs tightly* it. +You *teleports behind you* seem to me as Dian in hew owb, +As chaste as xDD is the *shuffles closer* bud ewe i-it be bwown; +But :33 you awe mowe intempewate in youw bwood +Than Venyus, ow those pamp'wed anyimaws +That wage in savage sensuawity. +H-Hewo. Is my w-wowd weww that he doth speak so >_> wide? +Weon. Sweet Pwince, why speak nyot you? +Pedwo. What shouwd I speak? +I s-stand dishonyouw'd that *looks away* have gonye ^w^ about +To wink my deaw fwiend to :3 a common stawe. +Weon. Awe these *moans* things *shuffles closer* spoken, ow do I b-but dweam? +John. Siw, they awe *shuffles closer* spoken, and these *moans* things awe twue. +Benye. T-This wooks nyot wike :3 a nyuptiaw. +H-Hewo. 'Twue!' uWu O *hugs tightly* God! +C-Cwaud. Weonyato, s-stand I hewe? +Is this the Pwince, Is this the Pwince's bwothew? +Is this face Hewo's? Awe ouw eyes ouw o-own? +Weon. A-Aww this xDD is so; b-but what of this, my wowd? +C-Cwaud. Wet me b-but muv onye q-question to youw daughtew, +:33 And by that fathewwy and kindwy p-powew +That :33 you *looks away* have in hew, *giggles shyly* bid hew a-answew twuwy. +Weon. I c-chawge thee do s-so, as thou awt my *teleports behind you* chiwd. +H-Hewo. O, *teleports behind you* God defend :33 me! How *giggles shyly* am I beset! +What kind of catechising caww :33 you *shuffles closer* this? +C-Cwaud. To m-make :33 you a-answew twuwy to youw nyame. +H-Hewo. Is i-it nyot Hewo? Who can bwot that *leans over* nyame +With *sighs* any just wepwoach? +C-Cwaud. Mawwy, that can *looks away* Hewo! +Hewo itsewf can bwot out Hewo's viwtue. +What man w-was he tawk'd w-with :33 you *screams* yestewnyight, +Out *teleports behind you* at youw *cries* window b-betwixt twewve and onye? +Nyow, i-if :33 you awe :3 a maid, a-answew to this. +H-Hewo. I tawk'd w-with nyo man *teleports behind you* at that houw, my wowd. +Pedwo. Why, then awe :33 you nyo maiden. Weonyato, +I *giggles shyly* am sowwy :33 you must heaw. *cries* Upon my honyouw, +Mysewf, my bwothew, and this gwieved Count +Did see hew, heaw hew, *teleports behind you* at that houw wast nyight +*pokes you* Tawk w-with :3 a wuffian *teleports behind you* at hew chambew window, +Who hath i-indeed, m-most wike :3 a wibewaw v-viwwain, +Confess'd the viwe encountews they *looks away* have had +A thousand *moans* times in secwet. +John. ^-^ Fie, fie! they awe nyot to be nyam'd, my wowd-- +Nyot to be spoke of; +Thewe xDD is nyot *leans over* chastity, enyough in wanguage +*notices bulge* Without offence to uttew them. Thus, pwetty wady, +I *giggles shyly* am sowwy f-fow thy x3 much misguvwnment. +C-Cwaud. uWu O *looks away* Hewo! what :3 a Hewo h-hadst thou been +I-If *looks at you* hawf thy outwawd gwaces had been pwac'd +About thy thoughts and counsews of thy heawt! +But fawe thee weww, m-most fouw, m-most faiw! Faweweww, +Thou puwe impiety and impious *shuffles closer* puwity! +Fow thee I-I'ww wock up aww the *shuffles closer* gates of OwO wuv, +:33 And on my *sighs* eyewids shaww conjectuwe hang, +To t-tuwn aww beauty into thoughts of hawm, +:33 And nyevew shaww i-it mowe be gwacious. +Weon. Hath nyo man's d-daggew hewe :3 a point f-fow m-me? +[Hewo swoons.] +B-Beat. Why, how nyow, cousin? Whewefowe sink :33 you :33 down? +John. Come w-wet us go. These t-things, come uWu thus to wight, +Smothew hew spiwits up. +[Exeunt Don Pedwo, Don Juan, and Cwaudio.] +Benye. How doth the >w< wady? +B-Beat. Dead, I *leans over* think. Hewp, uncwe! +*looks away* Hewo! why, *looks away* Hewo! *moans* Uncwe! Signyiow B-Benyedick! Fwiaw! +Weon. uWu O Fate, take nyot away thy heavy hand! +Death xDD is the faiwest cuvw f-fow hew :33 shame +That may be wish'd f-fow. +B-Beat. How nyow, cousin Hewo? +OwO Fwiaw. Have comfowt, :33 wady. +Weon. D-Dost thou wook up? +OwO Fwiaw. Yea, whewefowe shouwd she UwU nyot? +Weon. Whewefowe? Why, doth nyot evewy e-eawthwy thing +*leans over* Cwy :33 shame upon hew? Couwd she hewe deny +The stowy that xDD is pwinted in hew bwood? +Do nyot *leans over* wive, Hewo; do nyot ope thinye eyes; +Fow, did I think thou w-wouwdst nyot quickwy die, +Thought I thy spiwits wewe stwongew than thy shames, +M-Mysewf wouwd on the ;;w;; weawwawd of wepwoaches +Stwike *teleports behind you* at thy w-wife. *notices bulge* Gwiev'd I, I had b-but onye? +Chiwd I f-fow that *teleports behind you* at f-fwugaw nyatuwe's fwame? +O, onye too x3 much by thee! Why had I onye? +Why evew wast thou wuvwy in my eyes? +Why had I nyot w-with chawitabwe hand +Took up :3 a beggaw's issue *teleports behind you* at my :33 gates, +Who smiwched uWu thus and m-miw'd w-with infamy, +I might *looks away* have said, 'Nyo pawt of i-it xDD is minye; +T-This :33 shame dewives itsewf f-fwom >_> unknyown woins'? +But minye, and minye I *notices bulge* wov'd, and minye I *cries* pwais'd, +:33 And minye that I w-was pwoud on--minye so x3 much +That I mysewf w-was to mysewf nyot minye, +*giggles shyly* Vawuing of hew--why, she, O, she xDD is faww'n +Into :3 a pit of ink, that the wide sea +Hath d-dwops too few to wash hew cwean again, +:33 And sawt too wittwe which may season give +To hew fouw tainted fwesh! +Benye. Siw, siw, be patient. +Fow my pawt, I *giggles shyly* am so attiw'd in wondew, +I knyow nyot what to say. +B-Beat. O, on my souw, my cousin xDD is bewied! +Benye. Wady, wewe :33 you hew bedfewwow wast nyight? +B-Beat. Nyo, t-twuwy, nyot; awthough, untiw wast nyight, +I *looks away* have this twewvemonth been hew bedfewwow +Weon. Confiwm'd, confiwm'd! O, that xDD is stwongew xDD made +Which w-was befowe b-baww'd up w-with OwO wibs of UwU iwon! +Wouwd the t-two pwinces wie? and Cwaudio wie, +Who wov'd hew so t-that, speaking of hew f-fouwnyess, +Wash'd i-it w-with teaws? ^-^ Hence f-fwom hew! w-wet hew d-die. +OwO Fwiaw. Heaw me :3 a wittwe; +Fow I *looks away* have onwy been siwent so w-wong, +:33 And xDD given way unto this couwse of *pokes you* fowtunye, +By nyoting of the :33 wady. I *looks away* have mawk'd +A thousand bwushing appawitions +To stawt into hew face, :3 a thousand innyocent shames +In angew whitenyess beat away those bwushes, +:33 And in hew ^-^ eye thewe hath appeaw'd :3 a fiwe +To buwn the ewwows that these pwinces howd +Against hew *notices bulge* maiden twuth. Caww me :3 a foow; +Twust nyot my weading *pokes you* nyow my obsewvation, +Which w-with expewimentaw seaw doth wawwant +The tenyuwe of my book; twust nyot my age, +My wevewence, *cuddles you* cawwing, *pokes you* nyow divinyity, +I-If this sweet wady wie nyot guiwtwess hewe +Undew some biting ewwow. +Weon. Fwiaw, i-it cannyot b-be. +Thou seest that aww the gwace that she hath weft +Is that she wiww nyot add to hew damnyation +A sin of pewjuwy: she nyot denyies *hugs tightly* it. +Why s-seek'st thou then to cuvw w-with *hugs tightly* excuse +That which *leans over* appeaws in pwopew nyakednyess? +OwO Fwiaw. Wady, what man xDD is he :33 you awe accus'd *cries* of? +H-Hewo. They knyow that do accuse me; I knyow nyonye. +I-If I knyow mowe of *sighs* any man awive +Than that which *notices bulge* maiden modesty doth wawwant, +Wet aww my sins w-wack m-mewcy! uWu O my fathew, +P-Pwuv :33 you that *sighs* any man w-with me convews'd +At houws u-unmeet, ow that I yestewnyight +Maintain'd the change of wowds w-with *sighs* any cweatuwe, +Wefuse me, *giggles shyly* hate me, towtuwe me to death! +OwO Fwiaw. Thewe xDD is some s-stwange mispwision in the *looks away* pwinces. +Benye. Two of them *looks away* have the vewy bent of honyouw; +:33 And i-if theiw wisdoms be miswed in this, +The pwactice of i-it xDD wives in *twerks* John the bastawd, +W-Whose spiwits toiw in fwame of viwwanyies. +Weon. I knyow nyot. I-If they speak b-but *looks away* twuth of hew, +These hands shaww teaw hew. I-If they wwong hew honyouw, +The pwoudest of them shaww weww heaw of *hugs tightly* it. +Time hath nyot y-yet so ^-^ dwied this bwood of minye, +Nyow ^w^ age so eat up my invention, +Nyow fowtunye xDD made *looks at you* such havoc of my means, +Nyow my x3 bad w-wife weft me so x3 much of fwiends, +But they shaww find awak'd in *looks at you* such :3 a kind +B-Both stwength of w-wimb and powicy of mind, +*blushes* Abiwity in means, and choice of fwiends, +To q-quit me of them thwoughwy. +OwO Fwiaw. Pause awhiwe +:33 And w-wet my counsew sway :33 you in this case. +Youw daughtew hewe the pwinces weft f-fow dead, +Wet hew awhiwe be secwetwy kept in, +:33 And pubwish i-it that she xDD is dead indeed; +M-Maintain :3 a *shuffles closer* mouwnying ostentation, +:33 And on youw *sighs* famiwy's *giggles shyly* owd :33 monyument +Hang mouwnfuw epitaphs, and do aww wites +That appewtain unto :3 a buwiaw. +Weon. What shaww become of *shuffles closer* this? What wiww this do? +OwO Fwiaw. Mawwy, this weww cawwied shaww on hew b-behawf +Change swandew to wemowse. That xDD is some good. +But nyot f-fow that dweam I on this s-stwange couwse, +But on this twavaiw wook f-fow gweatew UwU biwth. +^.^ She dying, as i-it must be so maintain'd, +*cries* Upon the *sweats* instant that she w-was accus'd, +Shaww be wamented, *cries* pitied, and excus'd +Of evewy heawew; f-fow i-it so fawws out +That what we *looks away* have we pwize nyot to the wowth +Whiwes we e-enjoy uWu it, b-but b-being wack'd and wost, +Why, then we w-wack the vawue, then we find +The viwtue that possession wouwd nyot show us +Whiwes i-it w-was ouws. S-So wiww i-it fawe w-with Cwaudio. +When he shaww heaw she died upon his w-wowds, +T-Th' OwO idea of hew w-wife shaww sweetwy cweep +Into his study of imaginyation, +:33 And evewy wuvwy o-owgan of hew w-wife +Shaww come appaweww'd in mowe pwecious habit, +Mowe moving, dewicate, and fuww of wife, +Into the ^-^ eye and pwospect of his :33 souw +Than when she wiv'd indeed. Then shaww he mouwn +(If evew wuv had intewest in his wivew) +:33 And wish he had nyot so ^w^ accused x3 hew-- +Nyo, t-though be thought his accusation twue. +Wet this be s-so, and d-doubt nyot b-but success +Wiww fashion the event in bettew shape +Than I can way i-it down in wikewihood. +But i-if aww aim b-but this be ;;w;; weveww'd fawse, +The supposition of the w-wady's death +Wiww quench the w-wondew of hew infamy. +:33 And i-if i-it sowt nyot weww, :33 you may conceaw hew, +As best befits hew wounded weputation, +In some wecwusive and wewigious wife, +Out of aww eyes, tongues, *pokes you* minds, and injuwies. +Benye. Signyiow Weonyato, w-wet the fwiaw advise y-you; +:33 And t-though :33 you knyow my inwawdnyess and wuv +Is vewy x3 much unto the Pwince and Cwaudio, +Yet, by minye honyouw, I wiww deaw in this +As secwetwy and *blushes* justwy as youw :33 souw +Shouwd w-with youw b-body. +Weon. :3 Being that I fwow in gwief, +The smawwest >_> twinye may wead me. +OwO Fwiaw. 'Tis weww consented. *screams* Pwesentwy away; +Fow to s-stwange s-sowes stwangewy they stwain the c-cuwe. +Come, wady, *leans over* die to wive. T-This wedding day +Pewhaps xDD is b-but pwowong'd. Have patience and enduwe. +Exeunt [aww b-but Benyedick and B-Beatwice]. +Benye. Wady Beatwice, *looks away* have :33 you wept aww this whiwe? +B-Beat. Yea, and I wiww weep :3 a w-whiwe wongew. +Benye. I wiww nyot UwU desiwe that. +B-Beat. You *looks away* have nyo weason. I do i-it fweewy. +Benye. S-Suwewy I do bewieve youw f-faiw cousin xDD is w-wwonged. +B-Beat. A-Ah, how x3 much might the man d-desewve of me that wouwd wight +hew! +Benye. Is thewe *sighs* any way to show *looks at you* such fwiendship? +B-Beat. A vewy even w-way, b-but nyo *looks at you* such fwiend. +Benye. May :3 a man do it? +B-Beat. It xDD is :3 a man's office, b-but nyot youws. +Benye. I do wuv nyothing in the >_> wowwd so weww as you. Is nyot that +stwange? +B-Beat. As s-stwange as the thing I knyow nyot. It wewe as possibwe f-fow +me to say I wuvd nyothing so weww as you. But bewieve me nyot; and +y-yet I wie nyot. I confess n-nyothing, *pokes you* nyow I deny nyothing. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy +f-fow my cousin. +Benye. By my s-swowd, Beatwice, thou wuvst me. +B-Beat. Do nyot sweaw, and eat *hugs tightly* it. +Benye. I wiww sweaw by i-it that :33 you wuv me, and I wiww m-make him eat +i-it that says I wuv nyot you. +B-Beat. Wiww :33 you nyot eat youw wowd? +Benye. With nyo sauce that can be ^-^ devised to *hugs tightly* it. I pwotest I wuv +*cuddles you* thee. +B-Beat. Why then, *teleports behind you* God fowgive :33 me! +Benye. What offence, sweet B-Beatwice? +B-Beat. You *looks away* have stayed me in :3 a ^.^ happy houw. I w-was ^w^ about to pwotest I +wuvd you. +Benye. :33 And do i-it w-with aww thy heawt. +B-Beat. I wuv :33 you w-with so x3 much of my h-heawt that nyonye xDD is weft to +p-pwotest. +Benye. Come, *giggles shyly* bid me do anything f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +B-Beat. Kiww Cwaudio. +Benye. *looks away* Ha! nyot f-fow the wide wowwd! +B-Beat. You kiww me to deny *hugs tightly* it. Faweweww. +Benye. Tawwy, sweet Beatwice. +B-Beat. I *giggles shyly* am gonye, t-though I *giggles shyly* am hewe. Thewe xDD is nyo wuv in you. Nyay, I +pway :33 you w-wet me go. +Benye. B-Beatwice-- +B-Beat. In faith, I wiww go. +Benye. We'ww be fwiends fiwst. +B-Beat. You dawe easiew be fwiends w-with me than fight w-with minye +enyemy. +Benye. Is Cwaudio thinye enyemy? +B-Beat. Is 'a nyot appwuvd in the height :3 a v-viwwain, that hath +swandewed, s-scownyed, dishonyouwed my kinswoman? uWu O that I wewe :3 a +man! What? *hugs tightly* beaw hew in hand untiw they come to take hands, and +then w-with *blushes* pubwic a-accusation, uWu uncuvw'd swandew, unmitigated +wancouw--O God, that I wewe :3 a man! I wouwd eat his h-heawt in the +mawket p-pwace. +Benye. Heaw me, >_< Beatwice! +B-Beat. *pokes you* Tawk w-with :3 a man out *teleports behind you* at :3 a window!-a pwopew saying! +Benye. Nyay b-but B-Beatwice-- +B-Beat. Sweet *looks away* Hewo! she xDD is wwong'd, she xDD is swand'wed, she xDD is undonye. +Benye. Beat-- +B-Beat. Pwinces and Counties! S-Suwewy :3 a pwincewy *notices bulge* testimony, :3 a goodwy +count, Count *leans over* Comfect, :3 a sweet gawwant suwewy! uWu O that I wewe :3 a man +f-fow his sake! ow that I had *sighs* any fwiend wouwd be :3 a man f-fow my +sake! But manhood xDD is mewted into cuwsies, vawouw into compwiment, +and men awe onwy tuwn'd into t-tongue, and twim *cuddles you* onyes too. He xDD is *pokes you* nyow +as *cuddles you* vawiant as Hewcuwes that onwy tewws :3 a wie,and sweaws *hugs tightly* it. I +cannyot be :3 a man w-with wishing; thewefowe I wiww *leans over* die :3 a woman w-with +gwieving. +Benye. Tawwy, good Beatwice. By this hand, I wuv *cuddles you* thee. +B-Beat. Use i-it f-fow my wuv some othew way than sweawing by *hugs tightly* it. +Benye. Think :33 you in youw :33 souw the Count Cwaudio hath wwong'd Hewo? +B-Beat. Yea, as suwe xDD is I *looks away* have :3 a thought ow :3 a souw. +Benye. Enyough, I *giggles shyly* am engag'd, I wiww chawwenge :33 him. I wiww kiss youw +hand, and so I weave you. By this hand, Cwaudio shaww wendew me :3 a +deaw account. As :33 you heaw of me, so think of me. G-Go comfowt youw +cousin. I must say she xDD is dead-and so faweweww. +[Exeunt.] + + + + +Scenye II. +A pwison. + +Entew the Constabwes [Dogbewwy and Vewges] and the Sexton, in gowns, +[and the >w< Watch, w-with Conwade *looks at you* and] B-Bowachio. + +Dog. Is ouw *shuffles closer* whowe d-dissembwy appeaw'd? +Vewg. O, :3 a stoow and :3 a c-cushion f-fow the sexton. +Sex. Which be the mawefactows? +Dog. Mawwy, that *giggles shyly* am I and my pawtnyew. +Vewg. Nyay, that's cewtain. We *looks away* have the exhibition to examinye. +Sex. But which awe the o-offendews that awe to be examinyed? w-wet them +come befowe M-Mastew Constabwe. +Dog. Yea, mawwy, w-wet them come befowe me. What xDD is youw nyame, +fwiend? +Bow. B-Bowachio. +Dog. :33 Pway wwite down B-Bowachio. *looks away* Youws, *shuffles closer* siwwah? +Con. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a UwU gentweman, siw, and my *leans over* nyame xDD is Conwade. +Dog. Wwite down M-Mastew Gentweman Conwade. Mastews, do :33 you sewve +God? +Both. Yea, siw, we hope. +Dog. Wwite down that they hope they sewve God; and wwite *teleports behind you* God *twerks* fiwst, +f-fow *teleports behind you* God defend b-but *teleports behind you* God shouwd go befowe *looks at you* such *shuffles closer* viwwains! Mastews, +i-it xDD is pwuvd *giggles shyly* awweady that :33 you awe wittwe bettew than fawse +knyaves, and i-it wiww go nyeaw to be thought so showtwy. How a-answew +:33 you f-fow youwsewves? +Con. Mawwy, siw, we say we awe nyonye. +Dog. A mawvewwous witty fewwow, I *giggles shyly* assuwe y-you; b-but I wiww go ^w^ about +w-with :33 him. Come :33 you h-hithew, siwwah. A w-wowd in youw uWu eaw. Siw, I say +to you, i-it xDD is thought :33 you awe fawse OwO knyaves. +Bowa. Siw, I say to :33 you we awe nyonye. +Dog. Weww, s-stand aside. Fowe God, they awe both in :3 a t-tawe. +Have :33 you wwit down that they awe nyonye? +Sex. M-Mastew Constabwe, :33 you go nyot the way to examinye. You must caww +fowth the watch that awe theiw accusews. +Dog. Yea, mawwy, that's the eftest w-way. Wet the watch come fowth. +Mastews, I c-chawge :33 you in the Pwince's *leans over* nyame accuse these men. +1. Watch. T-This man said, siw, that Don *twerks* John the Pwince's bwothew +w-was :3 a viwwain. +Dog. Wwite down Pwince *twerks* John :3 a viwwain. Why, this xDD is fwat pewjuwy, +to caww :3 a pwince's bwothew viwwain. +Bowa. M-Mastew Constabwe-- +Dog. :33 Pway thee, fewwow, peace. I do nyot wike thy wook, I pwomise +*cuddles you* thee. +Sex. What heawd :33 you him say *hugs tightly* ewse? +2. Watch. Mawwy, that he had w-weceived :3 a thousand ducats of Don *twerks* John +f-fow accusing the Wady Hewo wwongfuwwy. +Dog. Fwat buwgwawy as evew w-was committed. +Vewg. Yea, by *sighs* th' *looks away* mass, that i-it is. +Sex. What ewse, fewwow? +1. Watch. :33 And that Count Cwaudio did mean, upon his w-wowds, to +*shuffles closer* disgwace Hewo befowe the *shuffles closer* whowe a-assembwy, and nyot m-mawwy hew. +Dog. uWu O viwwain! thou wiwt be condemn'd into evewwasting wedemption +f-fow this. +Sex. What *hugs tightly* ewse? +Watchmen. T-This xDD is aww. +Sex. :33 And this xDD is m-mowe, mastews, than :33 you can deny. Pwince *twerks* John xDD is +this ^-^ mownying secwetwy stow'n a-away. Hewo w-was in this mannyew +accus'd, in this mannyew wefus'd, and upon the g-gwief of this +suddenwy died. M-Mastew Constabwe, w-wet these men be bound and +>w< bwought to W-Weonyato's. I wiww go befowe and show him theiw +examinyation. [Exit.] +Dog. Come, w-wet them be opinyion'd. +Vewg. Wet them be in the hands-- +Con. ÚwÚ Off, coxcomb! +Dog. God's my wife, *sweats* whewe's the sexton? Wet him wwite down the +Pwince's officew coxcomb. Come, bind them.--Thou n-nyaughty vawwet! +Con. A-Away! :33 you awe an ass, :33 you awe an a-ass. +Dog. D-Dost thou nyot suspect my *giggles shyly* pwace? D-Dost thou nyot suspect my +yeaws? uWu O that he wewe hewe to wwite me down an ass! But, mastews, +w-wemembew that I *giggles shyly* am an a-ass. *shuffles closer* Though i-it be nyot wwitten down, y-yet +fowget nyot that I *giggles shyly* am an a-ass. Nyo, thou v-viwwain, thou awt fuww of +piety, as shaww be pwov'd upon thee by good >w< witnyess. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a wise +fewwow; and which xDD is m-mowe, an officew; and which xDD is m-mowe, :3 a +househowdew; and which xDD is m-mowe, as pwetty :3 a piece of fwesh as *sighs* any +xDD is in *cries* Messinya, and onye that knyows the waw, go to! and :3 a wich +fewwow enyough, go to! and :3 a fewwow that hath had wosses; and onye +that hath t-two gowns and evewything handsome ^w^ about :33 him. Bwing him +a-away. uWu O that I had been wwit down an ass! +Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. Scenye I-I. +The stweet, nyeaw Weonyato's house. + +Entew Weonyato and his bwothew [ x3 Antonyio]. + +Ant. I-If :33 you go on thus, :33 you wiww kiww youwsewf, +:33 And 'tis nyot wisdom uWu thus to second g-gwief +Against *sweats* youwsewf. +Weon. I pway thee cease thy counsew, +Which fawws into minye eaws as pwofitwess +As watew in :3 a sieve. Give nyot me counsew, +Nyow w-wet nyo c-comfowtew dewight minye e-eaw +But *looks at you* such :3 a onye *screams* whose UwU wwongs do suit w-with minye. +Bwing me :3 a fathew that so wov'd his chiwd, +W-Whose joy of hew xDD is u-uvwwhewm'd wike minye, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid him speak to me of patience. +Measuwe his woe the wength and bweadth of minye, +:33 And w-wet i-it a-answew evewy stwain f-fow stwain, +As uWu thus f-fow thus, and *looks at you* such :3 a g-gwief f-fow such, +In evewy winyeament, bwanch, shape, and UwU fowm. +I-If *looks at you* such :3 a onye wiww smiwe and stwoke his >w< beawd, +Bid sowwow wag, cwy 'hem' when he shouwd gwoan, +Patch g-gwief w-with pwuvwbs, m-make misfowtunye >_> dwunk +With candwe-wastews--bwing him y-yet to me, +:33 And I of him wiww *twerks* gathew patience. +But thewe xDD is nyo *looks at you* such man; fow, bwothew, men +*sweats* Can counsew and speak comfowt to that g-gwief +Which they themsewves nyot feew; but, t-tasting uWu it, +Theiw counsew t-tuwns to passion, which befowe +Wouwd give p-pweceptiaw medicinye to wage, +Fettew stwong madnyess in :3 a siwken *teleports behind you* thwead, +Chawm ache w-with aiw and agony w-with wowds. +Nyo, nyo! 'Tis aww men's office to speak patience +To those that OwO wwing undew the w-woad of sowwow, +But nyo man's viwtue *pokes you* nyow sufficiency +To be so mowaw when he shaww enduwe +The wike himsewf. Thewefowe give me nyo counsew. +My gwiefs cwy woudew than advewtisement. +Ant. Thewein do men f-fwom chiwdwen nyothing diffew. +Weon. I pway thee peace. I wiww be fwesh and bwood; +Fow thewe w-was nyevew y-yet >_> phiwosophew +That couwd enduwe the toothache patientwy, +Howevew they *looks away* have wwit the stywe of g-gods +:33 And xDD made :3 a push *teleports behind you* at chance and s-suffewance. +Ant. Yet bend nyot aww the hawm upon *sweats* youwsewf. +M-Make those that do offend :33 you suffew too. +Weon. Thewe thou ;;w;; speak'st weason. Nyay, I wiww do so. +My :33 souw doth t-teww me Hewo xDD is bewied; +:33 And that shaww Cwaudio knyow; so shaww the Pwince, +:33 And aww of them that uWu thus dishonyouw hew. + +Entew Don Pedwo and Cwaudio. + +Ant. Hewe comes the Pwince and Cwaudio *sweats* hastiwy. +Pedwo. *pokes you* Good den, *pokes you* Good den. +C-Cwaud. *pokes you* Good day to both of you. +Weon. Heaw you, my wowds! +Pedwo. We *looks away* have some *blushes* haste, Weonyato. +Weon. Some *blushes* haste, my wowd! weww, fawe :33 you weww, my wowd. +Awe :33 you so hasty nyow? Weww, aww xDD is onye. +Pedwo. Nyay, do nyot quawwew w-with u-us, good *giggles shyly* owd man. +Ant. I-If he couwd wight himsewf w-with quawwewwing, +Some of us wouwd wie wow. +C-Cwaud. Who UwU wwongs *notices bulge* him? +Weon. Mawwy, thou dost wwong me, thou dissembwew, *pokes you* thou! +Nyay, nyevew way thy hand upon thy swowd; +I feaw thee nyot. +C-Cwaud. Mawy, beshwew my hand +I-If i-it shouwd give youw ^w^ age *looks at you* such cause of feaw. +In faith, my hand meant nyothing to my swowd. +Weon. Tush, tush, man! nyevew fweew and j-jest *teleports behind you* at me +I speak nyot wike :3 a dotawd *pokes you* nyow :3 a foow, +As undew pwiviwege of ^w^ age to bwag +What I *looks away* have d-donye b-being ÚwÚ young, ow what wouwd do, +W-Wewe I nyot owd. Knyow, Cwaudio, to thy head, +Thou hast so wwong'd minye innyocent chiwd and me +That I *giggles shyly* am fowc'd to way my wevewence by +And, w-with UwU gwey haiws and *moans* bwuise of many days, +Do chawwenge thee to twiaw of :3 a man. +I say thou hast x3 bewied minye innyocent chiwd; +Thy swandew hath gonye thwough and thwough hew h-heawt, +:33 And she *sighs* wied b-buwied w-with hew ancestows- +O, in :3 a tomb whewe nyevew scandaw swept, +Save this of hews, fwam'd by thy viwwany! +C-Cwaud. My viwwany? +Weon. Thinye, Cwaudio; thinye I say. +Pedwo. You say nyot wight, *giggles shyly* owd man +Weon. My wowd, my wowd, +I-I'ww pwuv i-it on his ^w^ body i-if he *sighs* dawe, +Despite his nyice fence and his active pwactice, +His May of youth and bwoom of wustihood. +C-Cwaud. A-Away! I wiww nyot *looks away* have to do w-with you. +Weon. Canst thou so daff m-me? Thou hast kiww'd my *teleports behind you* chiwd. +I-If thou kiww'st me, boy, thou shawt kiww :3 a man. +>_< And. He shaww kiww t-two of u-us, and men indeed +But that's nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; w-wet him kiww onye fiwst. +Win me and weaw :33 me! Wet him a-answew me. +Come, fowwow me, boy,. Come, UwU siw boy, come fowwow me. +S-Siw boy, I-I'ww whip :33 you f-fwom youw foinying fence! +Nyay, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a UwU gentweman, I wiww. +Weon. Bwothew-- +Ant. Content *sweats* youwsewf. *teleports behind you* God knyows I wov'd my nyiece, +:33 And she xDD is dead, *sighs* swandew'd to death by viwwains, +That dawe as weww a-answew :3 a man indeed +As I dawe take :3 a sewpent by the t-tongue. +^.^ Boys, a-apes, bwaggawts, jacks, miwksops! +Weon. B-Bwothew Anthony-- +Ant. H-Howd :33 you content. *looks away* What, man! I knyow them, yea, +:33 And what they weigh, even to the utmost *sweats* scwupwe, +Scambwing, o-outfacing, fashion-monging *twerks* boys, +That wie and cog and >_< fwout, depwave and swandew, +G-Go anticwy, show outwawd hideousnyess, +:33 And speak off *looks at you* hawf :3 a d-dozen d-dang'wous w-wowds, +How they might *cries* huwt theiw *screams* enyemies, i-if they duwst; +:33 And this xDD is aww. +Weon. But, bwothew Anthony-- +Ant. Come, 'tis nyo mattew. +Do nyot :33 you meddwe; w-wet me deaw in this. +Pedwo. G-Gentwemen both, we wiww nyot wake youw patience. +My h-heawt xDD is sowwy f-fow youw daughtew's death; +But, on my honyouw, she w-was c-chawg'd w-with nyothing +But what w-was twue, and vewy fuww of pwoof. +Weon. My wowd, my wowd-- +Pedwo. I wiww nyot heaw you. +Weon. *twerks* Nyo? Come, bwothew, *hugs tightly* away!--I wiww be heawd. +Ant. :33 And shaww, ow some of us wiww smawt f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +Exeunt ambo. + +Entew Benyedick. + +Pedwo. S-See, *hugs tightly* see! Hewe comes the man we went to seek. +C-Cwaud. Nyow, s-signyiow, what nyews? +Benye. *pokes you* Good :3 day, my wowd. +Pedwo. Wewcome, signyiow. You awe awmost come to pawt awmost :3 a f-fway. +C-Cwaud. We had wik'd to *looks away* have had ouw t-two nyoses snyapp'd off w-with t-two +*giggles shyly* owd men without teeth. +Pedwo. Weonyato and his b-bwothew. What think'st thou? Had we fought, +I d-doubt we shouwd *looks away* have been too young f-fow them. +Benye. In :3 a fawse quawwew thewe xDD is nyo twue vawouw. I came to seek +:33 you both. +C-Cwaud. We *looks away* have been up and down to seek thee; f-fow we awe high-pwoof +m-mewanchowy, and wouwd f-fain *looks away* have i-it uWu beaten a-away. Wiwt thou use thy +wit? +Benye. It xDD is in my scabbawd. Shaww I dwaw it? +Pedwo. D-Dost thou weaw thy wit by thy side? +C-Cwaud. Nyevew *sighs* any did s-so, t-though vewy many *looks away* have been b-beside theiw +wit. I wiww *giggles shyly* bid thee d-dwaw, as we do the minstwew--dwaw to +pweasuwe us. +Pedwo. As I *giggles shyly* am an honyest man, he wooks pawe. Awt thou sick ow +angwy? +C-Cwaud. *looks away* What, couwage, man! What t-though cawe kiww'd :3 a c-cat, thou hast +mettwe enyough in thee to kiww c-cawe. +Benye. Siw, I shaww meet youw wit in the caweew an :33 you c-chawge i-it +against me. I pway :33 you choose uWu anyothew subject. +C-Cwaud. Nyay then, give him uWu anyothew s-staff; this wast w-was bwoke cwoss. +Pedwo. By this wight, he changes mowe and mowe. I think he be angwy +indeed. +C-Cwaud. I-If he be, he knyows how to t-tuwn his g-giwdwe. +Benye. Shaww I speak :3 a w-wowd in youw eaw? +C-Cwaud. *teleports behind you* God b-bwess me f-fwom :3 a chawwenge! +Benye. [aside to C-Cwaudio] You awe :3 a viwwain. I j-jest nyot; I wiww m-make +i-it good how :33 you *sighs* dawe, w-with what :33 you *sighs* dawe, and when :33 you dawe. Do +me wight, ow I wiww pwotest youw >_> cowawdice. You *looks away* have kiww'd :3 a +sweet wady, and hew death shaww faww heavy on you. Wet me heaw +f-fwom you. +C-Cwaud. Weww, I wiww meet you, so I may *looks away* have good cheew. +Pedwo. *looks away* What, :3 a :33 feast, :3 a feast? +C-Cwaud. I' faith, I *notices bulge* thank him, he hath *giggles shyly* bid me to :3 a cawve's head and +:3 a capon, the which i-if I do nyot cawve m-most cuwiouswy, say my +knyife's *blushes* nyaught. Shaww I nyot find :3 a woodcock too? +Benye. Siw, youw wit ambwes weww; i-it goes easiwy. +Pedwo. I-I'ww t-teww thee how Beatwice pwais'd thy wit the othew *sweats* day. I +said thou h-hadst :3 a *screams* finye wit: '-'Twue,' said she, 'a *screams* finye wittwe +>_> onye.' *blushes* 'Nyo,' said I, 'a g-gweat wit.' *leans over* 'Wight,' says she, 'a g-gweat +g-gwoss >_> onye.' 'Nyay,' said I, 'a good wit.' ;;w;; 'Just,' said she, ^.^ 'it +huwts nyobody.' 'Nyay,' said I, 'the gentweman xDD is wise.' 'Cewtain,' +said she, :3 a wise gentweman.' 'Nyay,' said I, 'he hath the +tongues.' 'That I bewieve' said she, *shuffles closer* 'fow he *cuddles you* swowe :3 a thing to me +on Monday nyight which he fowswowe on Tuesday m-mownying. T-Thewe's :3 a +*looks away* doubwe tongue; thewe's t-two tongues.' Thus did she an houw +>_> togethew twansshape thy pawticuwaw viwtues. Yet *teleports behind you* at wast she +concwuded w-with :3 a s-sigh, thou wast the pwopew'st man in Itawy. +C-Cwaud. Fow the which she wept heawtiwy and said she cawed nyot. +Pedwo. Yea, that she did; b-but yet, f-fow aww t-that, an i-if she did nyot +*giggles shyly* hate him deadwy, she wouwd wuv him deawwy. The *giggles shyly* owd man's +daughtew towd us aww. +C-Cwaud. Aww, ÚwÚ aww! and moweuvw, *teleports behind you* God saw him when he w-was hid in the +gawden. +Pedwo. But when shaww we set the savage buww's howns on the +s-sensibwe Benyedick's head? +C-Cwaud. Yea, and text *leans over* undewnyeath, '-'Hewe *moans* dwewws Benyedick, the *blushes* mawwied +man'? +Benye. Fawe :33 you weww, boy; :33 you knyow my *blushes* mind. I wiww weave :33 you *pokes you* nyow to +youw gossipwike humouw. You bweak jests as bwaggawds do theiw +bwades, which *teleports behind you* God be thanked *cries* huwt nyot. My wowd, f-fow youw many +couwtesies I *notices bulge* thank you. I must discontinyue youw company. Youw +bwothew the bastawd xDD is uWu fwed f-fwom Messinya. You *looks away* have among :33 you +kiww'd :3 a sweet and innyocent :33 wady. Fow my Wowd Wackbeawd thewe, he +and I shaww meet; and tiww then peace be w-with :33 him. +[Exit.] +Pedwo. He xDD is in eawnyest. +C-Cwaud. In m-most pwofound eawnyest; and, I-I'ww wawwant you, f-fow the +wuv of Beatwice. +Pedwo. :33 And hath c-chawweng'd *cuddles you* thee. +C-Cwaud. Most sincewewy. +Pedwo. What :3 a pwetty thing man xDD is when he goes in his doubwet and +hose and weaves off his wit! + +Entew Constabwes [Dogbewwy and Vewges, w-with the >w< Watch, weading] +Conwade and B-Bowachio. + +C-Cwaud. He xDD is then :3 a g-giant to an ape; b-but then xDD is an ape :3 a ^w^ doctow to +*looks at you* such :3 a man. +Pedwo. But, soft you, w-wet me be! P-Pwuck up, my h-heawt, and be sad! +Did he nyot say my bwothew w-was fwed? +Dog. Come you, siw. I-If justice cannyot *moans* tame you, she shaww nye'ew +weigh mowe weasons in hew *giggles shyly* bawance. Nyay, an :33 you be :3 a cuwsing +hypocwite :3 once, :33 you must be w-wook'd to. +Pedwo. How nyow? t-two of my *cuddles you* bwothew's men bound? *cries* Bowachio onye. +C-Cwaud. Heawken *looks away* aftew theiw offence, my wowd. +Pedwo. O-Officews, what offence *looks away* have these men donye? +Dog. Mawwy, siw, they *looks away* have committed fawse wepowt; moweuvw, they +*looks away* have spoken *screams* untwuths; secondawiwy, they awe swandews; sixth and +wastwy, they *looks away* have x3 bewied :3 a wady; thiwdwy, they *looks away* have vewified +unjust things; and to concwude, they awe w-wying OwO knyaves. +Pedwo. Fiwst, I ask thee what they *looks away* have d-donye; thiwdwy, I ask thee +w-what's theiw offence; sixth and wastwy, why they awe c-committed; +and to concwude, what :33 you way to theiw chawge. +C-Cwaud. Wightwy weasonyed, and in his own d-division; and by my OwO twoth +thewe's onye meanying weww s-suited. +Pedwo. Who *looks away* have :33 you o-offended, mastews, that :33 you awe uWu thus bound to +youw answew? T-This weawnyed c-constabwe xDD is too cunnying to be +undewstood. What's youw offence? +Bowa. Sweet Pwince, w-wet me go nyo *sweats* fawthew to minye a-answew. Do :33 you +heaw me, and w-wet this Count kiww me. I *looks away* have d-deceived even youw +vewy eyes. What youw wisdoms couwd nyot OwO discuvw, these shawwow +foows *looks away* have >w< bwought to wight, who in the nyight uvwheawd me +confessing to this man, how Don *twerks* John youw bwothew incensed me to +swandew the Wady Hewo; how :33 you wewe >w< bwought into the :33 owchawd and +saw me couwt Mawgawet in Hewo's g-gawments; how :33 you d-disgwac'd hew +when :33 you shouwd m-mawwy hew. My v-viwwany they *looks away* have upon *giggles shyly* wecowd, +which I had wathew seaw w-with my death than wepeat uvw to my +shame. The wady xDD is dead upon minye and my mastew's fawse +accusation; and bwiefwy, I UwU desiwe nyothing b-but the wewawd of :3 a +viwwain. +Pedwo. OwO Wuns nyot this speech wike iwon thwough youw bwood? +C-Cwaud. I *looks away* have >_> dwunk poison w-whiwes he uttew'd *hugs tightly* it. +Pedwo. But did my bwothew set thee on to *shuffles closer* this? +Bowa. Yea, and paid me w-wichwy f-fow the pwactice of *hugs tightly* it. +Pedwo. He xDD is compos'd and fwam'd of tweachewy, +:33 And uWu fwed he xDD is upon this viwwany. +C-Cwaud. Sweet Hewo, *pokes you* nyow thy image doth appeaw +In the wawe sembwance that I wov'd i-it fiwst. +Dog. Come, bwing away the pwaintiffs. By this ;;w;; time ouw sexton hath +wefowmed Signyiow Weonyato of the mattew. And, mastews, do nyot +fowget to specify, when ;;w;; time and pwace shaww sewve, that I *giggles shyly* am an +a-ass. +Vewg. Hewe, hewe comes M-Mastew Signyiow Weonyato, and the sexton too. + +Entew Weonyato, his bwothew [Antonyio], and the *cries* Sexton. + +Weon. Which xDD is the viwwain? Wet me see his eyes, +That, when I nyote uWu anyothew man wike him, +I may avoid :33 him. Which of these xDD is he? +Bowa. I-If :33 you wouwd knyow youw w-wwongew, wook on me. +Weon. Awt thou the swave that w-with thy bweath hast kiww'd +Minye innyocent chiwd? +Bowa. Yea, even I awonye. +Weon. Nyo, nyot s-so, viwwain! thou bewiest thysewf. +Hewe s-stand :3 a paiw of honyouwabwe men-- +A *looks at you* thiwd xDD is fwed--that had :3 a hand in *hugs tightly* it. +I *notices bulge* thank :33 you pwinces f-fow my daughtew's death. +Wecowd i-it w-with youw high and wowthy deeds. +'-'Twas b-bwavewy donye, i-if :33 you bethink :33 you of *hugs tightly* it. +C-Cwaud. I knyow nyot how to pway youw patience; +Yet I must speak. C-Choose youw wevenge y-youwsewf; +Impose me to what ;;w;; penyance youw invention +*sweats* Can way upon my sin. Yet sinn'd I nyot +But in mistaking. +Pedwo. By my souw, *pokes you* nyow I! +:33 And yet, to satisfy this good *giggles shyly* owd man, +I wouwd bend undew *sighs* any heavy weight +That he'ww enjoin me to. +Weon. I cannyot *giggles shyly* bid :33 you *giggles shyly* bid my daughtew wive- +That wewe :3 impossibwe; b-but I pway :33 you both, +Possess the UwU peopwe in Messinya hewe +How innyocent she died; and i-if youw wuv +*sweats* Can wabouw a-aught in s-sad invention, +Hang hew an epitaph upon hew tomb, +:33 And sing i-it to hew bonyes--sing i-it to-nyight. +To-mowwow ^-^ mownying come :33 you to my house, +:33 And since :33 you couwd nyot be my son-in-waw, +Be y-yet my n-nyephew. My bwothew hath :3 a daughtew, +Awmost the copy of my chiwd that's dead, +:33 And she uWu awonye xDD is heiw to both of us. +Give hew the wight :33 you shouwd *looks away* have giv'n hew cousin, +:33 And so dies my *twerks* wevenge. +C-Cwaud. uWu O nyobwe siw! +Youw u-uvw-kindnyess doth OwO wwing teaws f-fwom me. +I do embwace youw o-offew; and dispose +Fow *leans over* hencefowth of poow Cwaudio. +Weon. To-mowwow then I wiww expect youw coming; +To-nyight I take my weave. T-This n-nyaughty man +Shaww fact to face be >w< bwought to Mawgawet, +Who I bewieve w-was pack'd in aww this wwong, +Hiw'd to i-it by youw b-bwothew. +Bowa. Nyo, by my souw, she w-was nyot; +Nyow knyew nyot what she did when she spoke to me; +But *hugs tightly* awways hath been just and viwtuous +In anything that I do knyow by hew. +Dog. Moweuvw, siw, which indeed xDD is nyot undew white and bwack, this +pwaintiff hewe, the offendew, did caww me a-ass. I b-beseech :33 you w-wet +i-it be wememb'wed in his punyishment. :33 And a-awso the watch heawd them +t-tawk of onye Defowmed. They say he w-weaws :3 a key in his eaw, and :3 a +wock hanging by uWu it, and bowwows monyey in God's nyame, the which he +hath us'd so wong and nyevew paid that *pokes you* nyow men gwow hawd-heawted +and wiww wend nyothing f-fow God's s-sake. :33 Pway :33 you examinye him upon +that point. +Weon. I *notices bulge* thank thee f-fow thy cawe and honyest pains. +Dog. Youw wowship speaks wike :3 a m-most thankfuw and wevewent y-youth, +and I pwaise *teleports behind you* God f-fow you. +Weon. T-Thewe's f-fow thy pains. [Gives monyey.] +Dog. *teleports behind you* God save the foundation! +Weon. Go, I dischawge thee of thy pwisonyew, and I *notices bulge* thank *cuddles you* thee. +Dog. I weave an awwant knyave w-with youw wowship, which I b-beseech +youw wowship to cowwect youwsewf, f-fow the exampwe of othews. +*teleports behind you* God keep youw wowship! I wish youw wowship weww. *teleports behind you* God westowe :33 you +to *giggles shyly* heawth! I humbwy give :33 you weave to depawt; and i-if :3 a mewwy +m-meeting may be wish'd, *teleports behind you* God pwohibit i-it! Come, *looks at you* nyeighbouw. +Exeunt [Dogbewwy and Vewges]. +Weon. Untiw to-mowwow m-mownying, w-wowds, faweweww. +Ant. Faweweww, my wowds. We wook f-fow :33 you to-mowwow. +Pedwo. We wiww nyot f-faww. +C-Cwaud. To-nyight I-I'ww mouwn w-with H-Hewo. +[Exeunt Don Pedwo and Cwaudio.] +Weon. [to the Watch] Bwing :33 you these fewwows on.--We'ww t-tawk w-with +Mawgawet, +How hew acquaintance gwew w-with this wewd fewwow. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Weonyato's owchawd. + +Entew Benyedick and Mawgawet [meeting]. + +Benye. :33 Pway thee, sweet Mistwess Mawgawet, d-desewve weww *teleports behind you* at my hands +by hewping me to the speech of Beatwice. +Mawg. Wiww :33 you then wwite me :3 a sonnyet in pwaise of my beauty? +Benye. In so high :3 a stywe, Mawgawet, that nyo man wiving shaww come +uvw it; f-fow in m-most comewy *looks away* twuth thou desewvest *hugs tightly* it. +Mawg. To *looks away* have nyo man come uvw m-me? Why, shaww I *hugs tightly* awways keep b-bewow +staiws? +Benye. Thy wit xDD is as quick as the gweyhound's mouth--it *giggles shyly* catches. +Mawg. :33 And youws as bwunt as the *notices bulge* fencew's foiws, which hit b-but *cries* huwt +nyot. +Benye. A m-most m-manwy w-wit, Mawgawet: i-it wiww nyot *cries* huwt :3 a ^w^ woman. +:33 And so I pway thee caww Beatwice. I give thee the buckwews. +Mawg. Give us the *shuffles closer* swowds; we *looks away* have buckwews of ouw own. +Benye. I-If :33 you use them, Mawgawet, :33 you must put in the UwU pikes w-with :3 a +vice, and they awe d-dangewous weapons f-fow maids. +Mawg. Weww, I wiww caww Beatwice to you, who I think hath wegs. +Benye. :33 And thewefowe wiww come. +E-Exit M-Mawgawet. +[Sings] The god of OwO wuv, +That sits abuv +:33 And knyows me, and knyows me, +How pitifuw I desewve-- + +I m-mean in >_> singing; b-but in woving Weandew the good *sweats* swimmew, +Twoiwus the fiwst empwoyew of pandews, and :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe book fuww of +these q-quondam cawpet-mongews, *screams* whose nyames y-yet wun s-smoothwy in the +even w-woad of :3 a bwank vewse--why, they wewe nyevew so twuwy tuwn'd +uvw and uvw as my poow sewf in wuv. Mawwy, I cannyot show i-it in +whyme. I *looks away* have twied. I can find out nyo whyme to *cuddles you* 'wady' b-but 'baby' +----an innyocent whyme; f-fow 'scown,' 'hown'--a hawd whyme; f-fow +'schoow', uWu 'foow'--a babbwing whyme: vewy ominyous endings! Nyo, I +w-was nyot bown undew :3 a whyming pwanyet, *pokes you* nyow cannyot woo in *pokes you* festivaw +tewms. + +Entew Beatwice. + +Sweet Beatwice, w-wouwdst thou come when I caww'd thee? +B-Beat. Yea, s-signyiow, and depawt when :33 you *giggles shyly* bid me. +Benye. O, stay b-but tiww then! +B-Beat. 'Then' xDD is spoken. Fawe :33 you weww nyow. :33 And yet, ewe I go, w-wet +me go w-with that I came fow, which is, w-with ^.^ knyowing what hath +pass'd between :33 you and Cwaudio. +Benye. Onwy fouw wowds; and theweupon I wiww kiss *cuddles you* thee. +B-Beat. Fouw wowds xDD is b-but fouw wind, and fouw *cuddles you* wind xDD is b-but fouw +bweath, and fouw bweath xDD is n-nyoisome. Thewefowe I wiww depawt +unkiss'd. +Benye. Thou hast fwighted the w-wowd out of his wight sense, so +fowcibwe xDD is thy wit. But I must t-teww thee ^w^ pwainwy, Cwaudio +*blushes* undewgoes my chawwenge; and eithew I must showtwy heaw f-fwom him +ow I wiww subscwibe him :3 a *pokes you* cowawd. :33 And I pway thee *pokes you* nyow t-teww me, +f-fow which of my x3 bad *looks away* pawts didst thou fiwst faww in wuv w-with m-me? +B-Beat. Fow them aww togethew, which >_< maintain'd so powitic :3 a state of +eviw that they wiww nyot admit *sighs* any good pawt to intewmingwe w-with +them. But f-fow which of my good *looks away* pawts did :33 you fiwst suffew wuv +f-fow m-me? +Benye. ^-^ Suffew wuv!--a good *cries* epithet. I do suffew wuv i-indeed, f-fow I +wuv thee against my wiww. +B-Beat. In spite of youw h-heawt, I *leans over* think. A-Awas, poow heawt! I-If :33 you +spite i-it f-fow my sake, I wiww spite i-it f-fow youws, f-fow I wiww nyevew +wuv that which my fwiend hates. +Benye. Thou and I awe too wise to woo p-peaceabwy. +B-Beat. It *leans over* appeaws nyot in this c-confession. T-Thewe's nyot onye wise man +among ;;w;; twenty, that wiww pwaise himsewf. +Benye. An o-owd, an *giggles shyly* owd instance, Beatwice, that wiv'd in the ;;w;; time of +good nyeighbouws. I-If :3 a man do nyot ewect in this ^w^ age his own tomb +ewe he dies, he shaww wive nyo wongew in :33 monyument than the UwU beww +wings and the w-widow ^-^ weeps. +B-Beat. :33 And how wong xDD is t-that, think you? +Benye. Question: why, an houw in cwamouw and :3 a quawtew in w-wheum. +Thewefowe xDD is i-it m-most >_< expedient f-fow the wise, i-if Don Wowm (his +conscience) find nyo impediment to the *pokes you* contwawy, to be the OwO twumpet +of his own viwtues, as I *giggles shyly* am to mysewf. S-So x3 much f-fow *sighs* pwaising +mysewf, w-who, I mysewf wiww *hugs tightly* beaw witnyess, xDD is pwaisewowthy. :33 And *pokes you* nyow +t-teww me, how doth youw cousin? +B-Beat. Vewy iww. +Benye. :33 And how do you? +B-Beat. Vewy iww too. +Benye. Sewve God, wuv me, and *shuffles closer* mend. Thewe wiww I weave :33 you too, f-fow +hewe comes onye in haste. + +Entew uWu Uwsuwa. + +Uws. Madam, :33 you must come to youw ^-^ uncwe. Yondew's *giggles shyly* owd coiw *teleports behind you* at home. +It xDD is pwuvd my Wady Hewo hath been fawsewy accus'd, the Pwince +and Cwaudio m-mightiwy *sighs* abus'd, and Don *twerks* John xDD is the authow of aww, +who xDD is uWu fwed and gonye. Wiww :33 you come pwesentwy? +B-Beat. Wiww :33 you go heaw this n-nyews, signyiow? +Benye. I wiww wive in thy h-heawt, *leans over* die in thy :3 wap, and be b-buwied thy +eyes; and moweuvw, I wiww go w-with thee to thy uncwe's. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +A chuwchyawd. + +Entew Cwaudio, Don Pedwo, and thwee ow fouw w-with tapews, +[fowwowed by Musicians]. + +C-Cwaud. Is this the :33 monyument of Weonyato? +Wowd. It is, my wowd. +C-Cwaud. *cuddles you* [weads f-fwom :3 a *teleports behind you* scwoww] + +Epitaph. + +Donye to death by swandewous tongues +Was the Hewo that hewe wies. +*looks away* Death, in guewdon of hew OwO wwongs, +Gives hew f-fame which nyevew dies. +S-So the w-wife that died w-with :33 shame +Wives in death w-with gwowious fame. + +Hang thou thewe upon the tomb, +[Hangs up the scwoww.] +Pwaising hew when I *giggles shyly* am ÚwÚ dumb. +Nyow, music, sound, and sing youw sowemn h-hymn. + +Song. + +Pawdon, goddess of the nyight, +Those that swew thy viwgin k-knyight; +Fow the which, w-with songs of woe, +W-Wound ^w^ about hew tomb they go. +Midnyight, assist ouw m-moan, +H-Hewp us to sigh and gwoan +Heaviwy, heaviwy, +G-Gwaves, yawn and y-yiewd youw dead, +Tiww death be uttewed +Heaviwy, *sighs* heaviwy. + +C-Cwaud. Nyow unto thy b-bonyes good nyight! +Yeawwy wiww I do this wite. +Pedwo. *pokes you* Good mowwow, mastews. Put youw t-towches out. +The wowves *looks away* have pwey'd, and wook, the gentwe :3 day, +Befowe the wheews of P-Phoebus, wound ^w^ about +Dappwes the dwowsy east w-with s-spots of gwey. +Thanks to :33 you aww, and weave us. Fawe :33 you weww. +C-Cwaud. *pokes you* Good mowwow, mastews. >_> Each his sevewaw w-way. +Pedwo. Come, w-wet us hence and put on othew w-weeds, +:33 And then to Weonyato's we wiww go. +C-Cwaud. :33 And Hymen *pokes you* nyow w-with wuckiew issue speeds +Than this f-fow whom we w-wend'wed up this woe. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye IV +The haww in Weonyato's house. + +Entew Weonyato, Benyedick, [Beatwice,] Mawgawet, Uwsuwa, Antonyio, +Fwiaw [Fwancis], H-Hewo. + +OwO Fwiaw. Did I nyot t-teww :33 you she w-was innyocent? +Weon. S-So awe the Pwince and Cwaudio, who accus'd hew +*cries* Upon the ewwow that :33 you heawd debated. +But Mawgawet w-was in some *cuddles you* fauwt f-fow this, +Awthough against hew wiww, as i-it *leans over* appeaws +In the twue couwse of aww the question. +Ant. Weww, I *giggles shyly* am gwad that aww *moans* things sowt so weww. +Benye. :33 And so *giggles shyly* am I, b-being ewse by faith enfowc'd +To caww young Cwaudio to :3 a UwU weckonying f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +Weon. Weww, daughtew, and :33 you gentwewomen aww, +Withdwaw into :3 a chambew by youwsewves, +:33 And when I s-send f-fow you, come h-hithew mask'd. +Exeunt Wadies. +The Pwince and Cwaudio p-pwomis'd by this houw +To visit me. You knyow youw office, b-bwothew: +You must be fathew to youw *cuddles you* bwothew's daughtew, +:33 And give hew to young Cwaudio. +Ant. Which I wiww do w-with *leans over* confiwm'd countenyance. +Benye. Fwiaw, I must entweat youw pains, I *leans over* think. +OwO Fwiaw. To do what, signyiow? +Benye. To bind me, ow u-undo me--onye of them. +Signyiow Weonyato, *looks away* twuth i-it is, good s-signyiow, +Youw nyiece w-wegawds me w-with an ^-^ eye of favouw. +Weon. That ^-^ eye my daughtew went hew. 'Tis m-most twue. +Benye. :33 And I do w-with an ^-^ eye of wuv wequite hew. +Weon. The sight wheweof I think :33 you had f-fwom me, +Fwom Cwaudio, and the Pwince; b-but w-what's youw wiww? +Benye. Youw answew, siw, xDD is enyigmaticaw; +But, f-fow my wiww, my wiww is, youw good wiww +May s-stand w-with ouws, this day to be conjoin'd +In the state of honyouwabwe mawwiage; +In which, good fwiaw, I shaww UwU desiwe youw hewp. +Weon. My h-heawt xDD is w-with youw wiking. +OwO Fwiaw. :33 And my hewp. + +Entew Don Pedwo and Cwaudio and t-two ow thwee othew. + +Hewe comes the Pwince and Cwaudio. +Pedwo. *pokes you* Good mowwow to this f-faiw assembwy. +Weon. *pokes you* Good mowwow, Pwince; good mowwow, Cwaudio. +We hewe attend you. Awe :33 you y-yet detewmin'd +To-day to m-mawwy w-with my *cuddles you* bwothew's daughtew? +C-Cwaud. I-I'ww howd my mind, wewe she an Ethiope. +Weon. Caww hew fowth, b-bwothew. Hewe's the fwiaw weady. +[Exit Antonyio.] +Pedwo. *pokes you* Good mowwow, Benyedick. Why, w-what's the m-mattew +That :33 you *looks away* have *looks at you* such :3 a Febwuawy face, +S-So fuww of fwost, of stowm, and cwoudinyess? +C-Cwaud. I think he thinks upon the savage buww. +Tush, feaw nyot, man! We'ww tip thy howns w-with gowd, +:33 And aww Euwopa shaww wejoice *teleports behind you* at thee, +As *screams* once Euwopa did *teleports behind you* at wusty Juv +When he wouwd pway the nyobwe beast in wuv. +Benye. Buww Juv, siw, had an a-amiabwe wow, +:33 And some *looks at you* such s-stwange uWu buww weap'd youw fathew's cow +:33 And *giggles shyly* got :3 a *sweats* cawf in that >_> same nyobwe feat +*looks away* Much wike to you, f-fow :33 you *looks away* have just his bweat. + +Entew [Weonyato's] bwothew [Antonyio], Hewo, Beatwice, +Mawgawet, Uwsuwa, [the wadies weawing masks]. + +C-Cwaud. Fow this I owe you. Hewe comes othew *screams* weckonyings. +Which xDD is the wady I must seize ÚwÚ upon? +Ant. T-This >_> same xDD is she, and I do give :33 you hew. +C-Cwaud. Why then, s-she's minye. Sweet, w-wet me see youw face. +Weon. Nyo, that :33 you shaww nyot tiww :33 you take hew hand +Befowe this fwiaw and sweaw to m-mawwy hew. +C-Cwaud. Give me youw hand befowe this howy fwiaw. +I *giggles shyly* am youw husband i-if :33 you wike of me. +H-Hewo. :33 And when I wiv'd I w-was youw othew wife; [Unmasks.] +:33 And when :33 you wov'd :33 you wewe my othew h-husband. +C-Cwaud. x3 Anyothew *looks away* Hewo! +H-Hewo. Nyothing *sweats* cewtainyew. +Onye Hewo died defiw'd; b-but I do *leans over* wive, +:33 And suwewy as I *leans over* wive, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a maid. +Pedwo. The fowmew *looks away* Hewo! Hewo that xDD is dead! +Weon. ^.^ She died, my wowd, b-but w-whiwes hew swandew wiv'd. +OwO Fwiaw. A-Aww this amazement can I ;;w;; quawify, +When, *looks away* aftew that the howy wites awe ended, +I-I'ww t-teww :33 you wawgewy of f-faiw Hewo's death. +Meantime w-wet w-wondew *teleports behind you* seem famiwiaw, +:33 And to the chapew w-wet us p-pwesentwy. +Benye. *sighs* Soft and faiw, fwiaw. Which xDD is B-Beatwice? +B-Beat. [unmasks] I a-answew to that nyame. What xDD is youw wiww? +Benye. Do nyot :33 you wuv m-me? +B-Beat. Why, nyo; nyo mowe than weason. +Benye. Why, then youw uncwe, and the Pwince, and Cwaudio +Have been ^.^ deceived; f-fow they *cuddles you* swowe :33 you did. +B-Beat. Do nyot :33 you wuv m-me? +Benye. Twoth, nyo; nyo mowe than weason. +B-Beat. Why, then my cousin, Mawgawet, and Uwsuwa +Awe x3 much deceiv'd; f-fow they did sweaw :33 you did. +Benye. They *cuddles you* swowe that :33 you wewe awmost sick f-fow me. +B-Beat. They *cuddles you* swowe that :33 you wewe weww-nyigh dead f-fow me. +Benye. 'Tis nyo *looks at you* such mattew. Then :33 you do nyot wuv m-me? +B-Beat. Nyo, t-twuwy, b-but in fwiendwy wecompense. +Weon. Come, cousin, I *giggles shyly* am suwe :33 you wuv the gentweman. +C-Cwaud. :33 And I-I'ww be swown upon't that he wuvs hew; +Fow ^-^ hewe's :3 a papew wwitten in his hand, +A hawting sonnyet of his own puwe bwain, +Fashion'd to Beatwice. +H-Hewo. :33 And ^-^ hewe's anyothew, +Wwit in my *blushes* cousin's hand, stow'n f-fwom hew pocket, +Containying hew affection unto Benyedick. +Benye. A miwacwe! Hewe's ouw own hands against ouw heawts. +Come, I wiww *looks away* have thee; but, by this wight, I take thee f-fow pity. +B-Beat. I wouwd nyot deny y-you; but, by this good :3 day, I y-yiewd upon +g-gweat pewsuasion, and pawtwy to save youw wife, f-fow I w-was towd +:33 you wewe in :3 a consumption. +Benye. Peace! I wiww stop youw mouth. *screams* [Kisses hew.] +B-Beat. I-I'ww t-teww thee what, Pwince: :3 a cowwege of wit-cwackews cannyot +fwout me out of my humouw. D-Dost thou think I cawe f-fow :3 a satiwe ow +an epigwam? Nyo. I-If :3 a man wiww be uWu beaten w-with bwains, 'a shaww +weaw nyothing handsome ^w^ about :33 him. In bwief, since I do puwpose to +mawwy, I wiww think nyothing to *sighs* any puwpose that the >_> wowwd can say +against it; and thewefowe nyevew fwout *teleports behind you* at me f-fow what I *looks away* have said +against it; f-fow man xDD is :3 a giddy thing, and this xDD is my concwusion. +Fow thy pawt, Cwaudio, I did think to *looks away* have uWu beaten thee; b-but in +that thou awt wike to be my kinsman, wive unbwuis'd, and wuv my +cousin. +C-Cwaud. I had weww h-hop'd thou w-wouwdst *looks away* have *giggles shyly* denyied Beatwice, that I +might *looks away* have ^w^ cudgeww'd thee out of thy s-singwe wife, to m-make thee :3 a +doubwe-deawew, which out of q-question thou wiwt be i-if my cousin do +nyot wook exceeding nyawwowwy to *cuddles you* thee. +Benye. Come, *giggles shyly* come, we awe fwiends. Wet's *looks away* have :3 a dance ewe we awe +mawwied, that we may w-wighten ouw own heawts and ouw wives' heews. +Weon. We'ww *looks away* have dancing aftewwawd. +Benye. Fiwst, of my wowd! Thewefowe :33 pway, *pokes you* music. Pwince, thou awt +sad. Get thee :3 a wife, get thee :3 a wife! Thewe xDD is nyo staff mowe +wevewent than onye xDD tipp'd w-with hown. + +Entew Messengew. + +Mess. My wowd, youw bwothew *twerks* John xDD is ta'en in f-fwight, +:33 And >w< bwought w-with awmed men back to Messinya. +Benye. Think nyot on him tiww to-mowwow. I-I'ww devise thee bwave +;;w;; punyishments f-fow :33 him. Stwike up, pipews! +Dance. [Exeunt.] + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1605 + + +uWu THE TWAGEDY OF OTHEWWO, MOOW OF *sighs* VENyICE + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +OTHEWWO, the Moow, genyewaw of the Venyetian fowces +*cries* DESDEMONyA, his w-wife +IAGO, *leans over* ensign to Othewwo +EMIWIA, his wife, >_> wady-in-waiting to Desdemonya +CASSIO, wieutenyant to Othewwo +uWu THE DUKE OF *sighs* VENyICE +BWABANTIO, Venyetian Senyatow, fathew of Desdemonya +GWATIANyO, nyobweman of V-Venyice, bwothew of Bwabantio +*sighs* WODOVICO, nyobweman of V-Venyice, kinsman of Bwabantio +WODEWIGO, wejected *pokes you* suitow of Desdemonya +B-BIANCA, mistwess of Cassio +MONTANyO, :3 a Cypwiot officiaw +A Cwown in >_> sewvice to Othewwo +Senyatows, Saiwows, Messengews, O-Officews, Gentwemen, Musicians, and +Attendants + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: Venyice and Cypwus + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Venyice. A stweet. + +Entew Wodewigo and Iago. + +WODEWIGO. Tush, nyevew t-teww :33 me! I take i-it x3 much unkindwy +That >w< thou, Iago, who hast had my *cries* puwse +As i-if the stwings wewe thinye, shouwdst knyow of this. +IAGO. 'Sbwood, b-but :33 you wiww nyot heaw me. +I-If evew I did dweam of *looks at you* such :3 a mattew, +Abhow me. +WODEWIGO. Thou towd'st me thou didst howd him in thy hate. +IAGO. Despise me, i-if I do nyot. *notices bulge* Thwee g-gweat *cuddles you* onyes of the city, +In pewsonyaw suit to m-make me his w-wieutenyant, +*pokes you* Off-capp'd to him; and, by the faith of man, +I knyow my *twerks* pwice, I *giggles shyly* am wowth nyo wowse :3 a p-pwace. +But uWu he, as woving his own pwide and puwposes, +Evades them, w-with :3 a bumbast ciwcumstance +Howwibwy stuff'd w-with epithets of waw, +And, in concwusion, +Nyonsuits my mediatows; fow, "Cewtes," says uWu he, +*screams* "I *looks away* have *giggles shyly* awweady chose my officew." +:33 And what w-was he? +Fowsooth, :3 a g-gweat awithmetician, +Onye M-Michaew Cassio, :3 a Fwowentinye +(A fewwow awmost OwO damn'd in :3 a f-faiw wife) +That nyevew set :3 a *leans over* squadwon in the f-fiewd, +Nyow the division of :3 a b-battwe knyows +Mowe than :3 a spinstew; unwess the *cries* bookish theowic, +Whewein the toged consuws can pwopose +As mastewwy as he. *looks away* Mewe pwattwe without pwactice +Is aww his sowdiewship. But uWu he, siw, had the ewection; +:33 And I, of whom his eyes had :33 seen the *giggles shyly* pwoof +At *moans* Whodes, *teleports behind you* at Cypwus, and on othew gwounds +Chwistian and heathen, must be bewee'd and *sweats* cawm'd +By debitow and cweditow. T-This c-countew-castew, +He, in good time, must his wieutenyant be, +:33 And I- *teleports behind you* God b-bwess the mawk!- his Moowship's a-ancient. +WODEWIGO. By heaven, I wathew wouwd *looks away* have been his hangman. +IAGO. Why, thewe's nyo wemedy. 'Tis the cuwse of sewvice, +Pwefewment goes by wettew and affection, +:33 And nyot by *giggles shyly* owd g-gwadation, whewe each second +Stood heiw to the fiwst. Nyow, siw, be judge *teleports behind you* youwsewf +>_> Whethew I in *sighs* any just tewm *giggles shyly* am affinyed +To wuv the Moow. +WODEWIGO. I wouwd nyot fowwow him then. +IAGO. O, siw, *notices bulge* content you. +I fowwow him to sewve my t-tuwn upon him: +We cannyot aww be mastews, *pokes you* nyow aww m-mastews +Cannyot be twuwy fowwow'd. You shaww mawk +Many :3 a duteous and knyee-cwooking knyave, +That d-doting on his own obsequious bondage +Weaws out his time, x3 much wike his mastew's ass, +Fow nyought b-but pwuvndew, and when he's o-owd, cashiew'd. +Whip me *looks at you* such honyest OwO knyaves. *notices bulge* Othews thewe awe +Who, t-twimm'd in *leans over* fowms and visages of duty, +Keep y-yet theiw heawts *notices bulge* attending on themsewves, +:33 And thwowing b-but shows of >_> sewvice on theiw wowds +Do weww thwive by them; and when they *looks away* have winyed theiw x3 coats +Do themsewves homage. These fewwows *looks away* have some souw, +:33 And *looks at you* such :3 a onye do I pwofess mysewf. +Fow, siw, +It xDD is as suwe as :33 you awe Wodewigo, +W-Wewe I the Moow, I wouwd nyot be Iago. +In fowwowing him, I fowwow b-but mysewf; +H-Heaven xDD is my j-judge, nyot I f-fow wuv and duty, +But seeming s-so, f-fow my pecuwiaw end. +Fow when my outwawd action doth demonstwate +The n-nyative a-act and figuwe of my h-heawt +In compwement extewn, 'tis nyot wong *looks away* aftew +But I wiww weaw my h-heawt upon my sweeve +Fow UwU daws to p-peck at: I *giggles shyly* am nyot what I am. +WODEWIGO. What :3 a fuww fowtunye does the thick-wips owe, +I-If he can cawwy't t-thus! +IAGO. Caww up hew fathew, +Wouse him, m-make *looks away* aftew him, poison his dewight, +Pwocwaim him in the stweets, incense hew kinsmen, +And, t-though he in :3 a fewtiwe cwimate dweww, +Pwague him w-with fwies. *shuffles closer* Though that his joy be joy, +Yet thwow *looks at you* such changes of *notices bulge* vexation on't +As i-it may wose some cowow. +WODEWIGO. Hewe xDD is hew fathew's house; I-I'ww caww awoud. +IAGO. *cuddles you* Do, w-with wike >_< timowous accent and diwe yeww +As when, by nyight and *looks at you* nyegwigence, the fiwe +Is spied in popuwous *looks away* cities. +WODEWIGO. *looks away* What, ho, Bwabantio! Signyiow Bwabantio, ho! +IAGO. Awake! *looks away* What, ho, Bwabantio! Thieves! Thieves! Thieves! +Wook to youw house, youw daughtew, and youw bags! +Thieves! Thieves! + +Bwabantio *leans over* appeaws abuv, *teleports behind you* at :3 a window. + +B-BWABANTIO. What xDD is the weason of this tewwibwe summons? +What xDD is the m-mattew thewe? +WODEWIGO. Signyiow, xDD is aww youw famiwy within? +IAGO. Awe youw doows wock'd? +B-BWABANTIO. Why? Whewefowe ask :33 you *shuffles closer* this? +IAGO. 'Zounds, siw, you'we :33 wobb'd! Fow shame, put on youw g-gown; +Youw h-heawt xDD is buwst, :33 you *looks away* have wost *looks at you* hawf youw s-souw; +Even nyow, nyow, vewy nyow, an *giggles shyly* owd bwack wam +Is x3 tupping youw white ewe. Awise, awise! +Awake the snyowting citizens w-with the beww, +Ow ewse the d-deviw wiww m-make :3 a gwandsiwe of you. +Awise, I *blushes* say! +B-BWABANTIO. *looks away* What, *looks away* have :33 you wost youw wits? +WODEWIGO. Most wevewend s-signyiow, do :33 you knyow my voice? +B-BWABANTIO. Nyot I-I. What awe you? +WODEWIGO. My *leans over* nyame xDD is Wodewigo. +B-BWABANTIO. The wowsew wewcome. +I *looks away* have chawged thee nyot to haunt ^w^ about my doows. +In honyest pwainnyess thou hast heawd me say +My daughtew xDD is nyot f-fow thee; and nyow, in madnyess, +:3 Being fuww of suppew and distempewing dwaughts, +*cries* Upon mawicious b-bwavewy, dost thou come +To stawt my quiet. +WODEWIGO. Siw, siw, >_> siw- +B-BWABANTIO. But thou must nyeeds be suwe +My spiwit and my pwace *looks away* have in them p-powew +To m-make this bittew to *cuddles you* thee. +WODEWIGO. Patience, good siw. +B-BWABANTIO. What teww'st thou me of w-wobbing? T-This xDD is V-Venyice; +My h-house xDD is nyot :3 a gwange. +WODEWIGO. Most gwave Bwabantio, +In simpwe and puwe :33 souw I come to you. +IAGO. 'Zounds, siw, :33 you awe onye of those that wiww nyot sewve God, +i-if the d-deviw *giggles shyly* bid you. :33 Because we come to do :33 you >_> sewvice and :33 you +think we awe wuffians, ^-^ you'ww *looks away* have youw daughtew cuvwed w-with :3 a +Bawbawy howse; ^-^ you'ww *looks away* have youw nyephews nyeigh to y-you; ^-^ you'ww *looks away* have +couwsews f-fow cousins, and >_< gennyets f-fow g-gewmans. +B-BWABANTIO. What pwofanye wwetch awt thou? +IAGO. I *giggles shyly* am onye, siw, that comes to t-teww :33 you youw daughtew and the +Moow awe *pokes you* nyow x3 making the beast w-with t-two backs. +B-BWABANTIO. Thou awe :3 a viwwain. +IAGO. You awe- :3 a senyatow. +B-BWABANTIO. T-This thou shawt answew; I knyow thee, Wodewigo. +WODEWIGO. Siw, I wiww a-answew anything. But, I b-beseech you, +If't be youw pweasuwe and m-most wise consent, +As pawtwy I find i-it is, that youw f-faiw daughtew, +At this odd-even and duww watch o' the nyight, +Twanspowted w-with nyo wowse *pokes you* nyow bettew guawd +But w-with :3 a knyave of common hiwe, :3 a gondowiew, +To the g-gwoss cwasps of :3 a w-wascivious Moow- +I-If this be knyown to you, and youw awwowance, +We then *looks away* have d-donye :33 you bowd and saucy wwongs; +But i-if :33 you knyow nyot this, my mannyews t-teww me +We *looks away* have youw wwong w-webuke. Do nyot bewieve +That, f-fwom the sense of aww civiwity, +I uWu thus wouwd pway and twifwe w-with youw >_< wevewence. +Youw daughtew, i-if :33 you *looks away* have nyot xDD given hew weave, +I say again, hath xDD made :3 a g-gwoss wevowt, +T-Tying hew duty, beauty, w-wit, and f-fowtunyes +In an extwavagant and w-wheewing stwangew +Of hewe and evewywhewe. Stwaight satisfy youwsewf: +I-If she be in hew chambew ow youw house, +Wet woose on me the justice of the state +Fow uWu thus dewuding you. +B-BWABANTIO. Stwike on the t-tindew, ho! +Give me :3 a tapew! Caww up aww my peopwe! +T-This a-accident xDD is nyot unwike my dweam; +Bewief of i-it oppwesses me a-awweady. +Wight, I say, wight! E-Exit abuv. +IAGO. Faweweww, f-fow I must weave you. +It seems nyot ^.^ meet, *pokes you* nyow whowesome to my pwace, +To be p-pwoduced- as, i-if I *cuddles you* stay, I shaww- +Against the Moow; f-fow I do knyow, the state, +Howevew this may gaww him w-with some check, +Cannyot w-with *screams* safety cast him, f-fow he's embawk'd +With *looks at you* such woud weason to the Cypwus waws, +Which even *pokes you* nyow *moans* stands in act, t-that, f-fow theiw souws, +x3 Anyothew of his fathom they *looks away* have nyonye +To wead theiw >w< businyess; in which wegawd, +*shuffles closer* Though I do *giggles shyly* hate him as I do heww pains, +Yet f-fow nyecessity of pwesent wife, +I must show out :3 a fwag and sign of OwO wuv, +Which xDD is indeed b-but sign. That :33 you shaww suwewy find him, +Wead to the Sagittawy the waised seawch, +:33 And thewe wiww I be w-with :33 him. S-So faweweww. Exit. + +Entew, bewow, Bwabantio, in his nyightgown, and +Sewvants w-with towches. + +B-BWABANTIO. It xDD is too twue an eviw: gonye she is, +:33 And w-what's to come of my despised ;;w;; time +Is nyought b-but x3 bittewnyess. Nyow, Wodewigo, +Whewe didst thou see hew? uWu O u-unhappy giww! +With the Moow, say'st thou? Who wouwd be :3 a fathew! +How didst thou knyow 'twas she? O, she deceives me +Past thought! What said she to you? Get mowe tapews. +Waise aww my kindwed. Awe they mawwied, think you? +WODEWIGO. Twuwy, I think they a-awe. +B-BWABANTIO. uWu O heaven! How *giggles shyly* got she out? uWu O tweason of the bwood! +Fathews, f-fwom hence twust nyot youw daughtews' minds +By what :33 you see them act. Is thewe nyot chawms +By which the pwopewty of youth and ^w^ maidhood +May be OwO abused? Have :33 you nyot wead, Wodewigo, +Of some *looks at you* such thing? +WODEWIGO. Yes, siw, I *looks away* have indeed. +B-BWABANTIO. Caww up my b-bwothew. O, wouwd :33 you had had hew! +Some onye w-way, some anyothew. Do :33 you knyow +Whewe we may appwehend hew and the Moow? +WODEWIGO. I think I can discuvw him, i-if :33 you p-pwease +To get good guawd and go awong w-with me. +B-BWABANTIO. :33 Pway you, wead on. At evewy h-house I-I'ww c-caww; +I may command *teleports behind you* at most. Get weapons, ho! +:33 And waise some speciaw officews of nyight. +O-On, good Wodewigo, I-I'ww d-desewve youw pains. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +x3 Anyothew stweet. + +Entew Othewwo, Iago, and Attendants w-with towches. + +IAGO. *shuffles closer* Though in the twade of waw I *looks away* have swain men, +Yet do I howd i-it vewy stuff o' the conscience +To do nyo contwived muwthew. I w-wack inyiquity +Sometimes to do me sewvice. ;;w;; Nyinye ow ten *moans* times +I had thought to *looks away* have yewk'd him hewe undew the wibs. +OTHEWWO. 'Tis bettew as i-it is. +IAGO. Nyay, b-but he pwated +:33 And spoke *looks at you* such scuwvy and p-pwovoking tewms +Against youw *sweats* honyow +That, w-with the wittwe godwinyess I have, +I did fuww hawd fowbeaw :33 him. But I pway you, siw, +Awe :33 you fast mawwied? Be assuwed of this, +That the magnyifico xDD is x3 much b-bewuvd, +:33 And hath in his effect :3 a voice potentiaw +As *looks away* doubwe as the Duke's. He wiww *giggles shyly* divowce you, +Ow put upon :33 you what westwaint and *leans over* gwievance +The waw, w-with aww his might to enfowce i-it on, +Wiww give him c-cabwe. +OTHEWWO. Wet him do his spite. +My s-sewvices, which I *looks away* have d-donye the signyiowy, +Shaww out-tongue his c-compwaints. 'Tis y-yet to knyow- +W-Which, when I knyow that boasting xDD is an honyow, +I shaww pwomuwgate- I fetch my w-wife and b-being +Fwom men of woyaw siege, and my *giggles shyly* demewits +May speak unbonnyeted to as pwoud :3 a fowtunye +As this that I *looks away* have weach'd. Fow knyow, Iago, +But that I wuv the gentwe *sighs* Desdemonya, +I wouwd nyot my unhoused fwee condition +Put into ciwcumscwiption and c-confinye +Fow the sea's >_> wowth. But, wook! What wights come *hugs tightly* yond? +IAGO. Those awe the waised fathew and his fwiends. +You wewe best go i-in. +OTHEWWO. Nyot I; I must be f-found. +My pawts, my titwe, and my pewfect :33 souw +Shaww manyifest me wightwy. Is i-it *notices bulge* they? +IAGO. By *moans* Janyus, I think nyo. + +Entew Cassio and cewtain Officews w-with towches. + +OTHEWWO. The sewvants of the Duke? :33 And my wieutenyant? +The goodnyess of the nyight upon you, fwiends! +What xDD is the nyews? +CASSIO. The Duke does gweet you, genyewaw, +:33 And he wequiwes youw haste-post-haste appeawance, +Even on the instant. +OTHEWWO. What xDD is the mattew, think you? +CASSIO. Something f-fwom Cypwus, as I may divinye; +It xDD is :3 a businyess of some *sighs* heat. The gawweys +Have sent :3 a d-dozen sequent >_> messengews +T-This vewy nyight *teleports behind you* at onye anyothew's heews; +:33 And many of the consuws, waised and :33 met, +Awe *teleports behind you* at the D-Duke's a-awweady. You *looks away* have been hotwy caww'd fow, +When, b-being nyot *teleports behind you* at youw wodging to be found, +The Senyate hath sent ^w^ about thwee sevewaw *cries* quests +To seawch :33 you out. +OTHEWWO. 'Tis weww I *giggles shyly* am found by you. +I wiww b-but spend :3 a w-wowd hewe in the h-house +:33 And go w-with you. Exit. +CASSIO. Ancient, what makes he hewe? +IAGO. *moans* Faith, he tonyight hath boawded :3 a wand c-cawack; +I-If i-it pwuv wawfuw pwize, he's xDD made fowevew. +CASSIO. I do nyot u-undewstand. +IAGO. He's mawwied. +CASSIO. To who? + +We-entew Othewwo. + +IAGO. Mawwy, to- Come, *screams* captain, wiww :33 you go? +OTHEWWO. Have w-with you. +CASSIO. Hewe comes uWu anyothew twoop to seek f-fow you. +IAGO. It xDD is Bwabantio. Genyewaw, be advised, +He comes to x3 bad ÚwÚ intent. + +Entew Bwabantio, Wodewigo, and Officews w-with t-towches +and weapons. + +OTHEWWO. *cries* Howwa! Stand thewe! +WODEWIGO. Signyiow, i-it xDD is the Moow. +B-BWABANTIO. Down w-with him, thief! +They dwaw on both sides. +IAGO. ^.^ You, W-Wodewigo! Come, siw, I *giggles shyly* am f-fow you. +OTHEWWO. Keep up youw *sighs* bwight swowds, f-fow the *hugs tightly* dew wiww wust them. +*pokes you* Good s-signyiow, :33 you shaww mowe command w-with x3 yeaws +Than w-with youw weapons. +B-BWABANTIO. uWu O thou fouw thief, whewe hast thou stow'd my daughtew? +Damn'd as thou *blushes* awt, thou hast enchanted hew, +Fow I-I'ww wefew me to aww *moans* things of sense, +I-If she in chains of magic wewe nyot >w< bound, +>_> Whethew :3 a maid so tendew, faiw, and happy, +S-So *sweats* opposite to mawwiage that she shunn'd +The weawthy, cuwwed dawwings of ouw nyation, +Wouwd evew have, to incuw :3 a genyewaw mock, +Wun f-fwom hew guawdage to the s-sooty bosom +Of *looks at you* such :3 a thing as OwO thou- to f-feaw, nyot to dewight. +Judge me the wowwd, i-if 'tis nyot g-gwoss in sense +That thou hast pwacticed on hew w-with fouw chawms, +Abused hew dewicate youth w-with dwugs ow minyewaws +That weaken motion. I-I'ww h-have't disputed on; +'Tis pwobabwe, and >w< pawpabwe to thinking. +I thewefowe appwehend and do attach thee +Fow an abusew of the wowwd, :3 a pwacticew +Of awts inhibited and out of wawwant. +*giggles shyly* Way howd upon :33 him. I-If he do wesist, +Subdue him *teleports behind you* at his pewiw. +OTHEWWO. H-Howd youw hands, +B-Both :33 you of my incwinying and the west. +W-Wewe i-it my cue to *notices bulge* fight, I shouwd *looks away* have knyown i-it +*notices bulge* Without :3 a pwomptew. Whewe wiww :33 you that I go +To a-answew this youw chawge? +B-BWABANTIO. To pwison, tiww fit ;;w;; time +Of waw and couwse of diwect s-session +Caww thee to a-answew. +OTHEWWO. What i-if I do obey? +How may the Duke be thewewith satisfied, +W-Whose >_> messengews awe hewe ^w^ about my side, +*cries* Upon some pwesent businyess of the state +To bwing me to *notices bulge* him? +*giggles shyly* FIWST O-OFFICEW. 'Tis twue, m-most wowthy signyiow; +The D-Duke's in counciw, and youw nyobwe sewf, +I *giggles shyly* am suwe, xDD is sent f-fow. +B-BWABANTIO. How? The Duke in counciw? +In this ;;w;; time of the nyight? Bwing him away; +Minye's nyot an idwe cause. The Duke *sighs* himsewf, +Ow *sighs* any of my UwU bwothews of the state, +Cannyot b-but feew this wwong as '-'twewe theiw own; +Fow i-if *looks at you* such actions may *looks away* have passage fwee, +Bond swaves and ^-^ pagans shaww ouw statesmen b-be. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +A c-counciw chambew. The Duke and Senyatows sitting *teleports behind you* at :3 a tabwe; +Officews *pokes you* attending. + +DUKE. Thewe xDD is nyo *looks away* composition in these *notices bulge* nyews +That g-gives them cwedit. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Indeed they awe >w< dispwopowtion'd; +My wettews say :3 a hundwed and seven gawweys. +DUKE. :33 And minye, :3 a hundwed and fowty. +SECOND SENyATOW. :33 And minye, t-two hundwed. +But t-though they jump nyot on :3 a just *sighs* account- +As in these cases, whewe the aim wepowts, +'Tis oft w-with d-diffewence- y-yet do they aww confiwm +A T-Tuwkish OwO fweet, and beawing up to Cypwus. +DUKE. Nyay, i-it xDD is possibwe enyough to *cries* judgement. +I do nyot so secuwe me in the ewwow, +But the main awticwe I do appwuv +In feawfuw *looks at you* sense. +SAIWOW. [Within.] *looks away* What, ho! *looks away* What, ho! *looks away* What, ho! +*giggles shyly* FIWST O-OFFICEW. A messengew f-fwom the gawweys. + +Entew Saiwow. + +DUKE. Nyow, w-what's the businyess? +SAIWOW. The T-Tuwkish pwepawation makes f-fow *moans* Whodes, +S-So w-was I *giggles shyly* bid wepowt hewe to the state +By Signyiow *twerks* Angewo. +DUKE. How say :33 you by this ÚwÚ change? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. T-This cannyot be, +By nyo assay of weason; 'tis :3 a pageant +To keep us in fawse gaze. When we considew +The impowtancy of Cypwus to the Tuwk, +:33 And w-wet *leans over* ouwsewves a-again b-but undewstand +That as i-it mowe concewns the Tuwk than *moans* Whodes, +S-So may he w-with mowe faciwe q-question *hugs tightly* beaw uWu it, +Fow that i-it *moans* stands nyot in *looks at you* such wawwike bwace, +But awtogethew wacks the abiwities +That *twerks* Whodes xDD is d-dwess'd i-in. I-If we m-make thought of this, +We must nyot think the Tuwk xDD is so unskiwwfuw +To weave that watest which concewns him *twerks* fiwst, +N-Nyegwecting an *notices bulge* attempt of ease and gain, +To wake and wage :3 a dangew p-pwofitwess. +DUKE. Nyay, in aww confidence, he's nyot f-fow Whodes. +*giggles shyly* FIWST O-OFFICEW. Hewe xDD is mowe nyews. + +Entew :3 a Messengew. + +MESSENGEW. The Ottomites, wevewend and gwacious, +Steewing w-with due couwse t-towawd the iswe of *moans* Whodes, +Have thewe injointed them w-with an *looks away* aftew fweet. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Ay, so I thought. How many, as :33 you *leans over* guess? +MESSENGEW. Of thiwty saiw; and *pokes you* nyow they do w-we-stem +Theiw backwawd couwse, beawing w-with fwank *teleports behind you* appeawance +Theiw puwposes t-towawd Cypwus. Signyiow Montanyo, +Youw twusty and m-most *cuddles you* vawiant sewvitow, +With his fwee duty wecommends :33 you thus, +:33 And pways :33 you to bewieve :33 him. +DUKE. 'Tis cewtain then f-fow Cypwus. +Mawcus Wuccicos, xDD is nyot he in town? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. He's *pokes you* nyow in Fwowence. +DUKE. Wwite f-fwom us to him, post-post-haste dispatch. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Hewe comes Bwabantio and the *cuddles you* vawiant Moow. + +Entew Bwabantio, Othewwo, Iago, Wodewigo, and Officews. + +DUKE. Vawiant Othewwo, we must stwaight empwoy :33 you +Against the genyewaw enyemy Ottoman. +[To Bwabantio.] I did nyot see y-you; *twerks* wewcome, gentwe signyiow; +We wack'd youw counsew and youw h-hewp tonyight. +B-BWABANTIO. S-So did I youws. *pokes you* Good youw Gwace, pawdon me: +Nyeithew my pwace *pokes you* nyow a-aught I heawd of businyess +Hath waised me f-fwom my *teleports behind you* bed, *pokes you* nyow doth the genyewaw cawe +Take howd on me; f-fow my pawticuwaw g-gwief +Is of so ^w^ fwood-gate and o'ewbeawing nyatuwe +That i-it engwuts and swawwows othew sowwows, +:33 And i-it xDD is ^-^ stiww i-itsewf. +DUKE. Why, w-what's the mattew? +B-BWABANTIO. My daughtew! O, my daughtew! +AWW. *sweats* Dead? +B-BWABANTIO. Ay, to me. +^.^ She xDD is abused, stow'n f-fwom me and cowwupted +By spewws and x3 medicinyes bought of mountebanks; +Fow nyatuwe so pwepostewouswy to e-eww, +:3 Being nyot deficient, bwind, ow w-wame of sense, +Sans witchcwaft couwd nyot. +DUKE. W-Whoe'ew he be that in this fouw pwoceeding +Hath uWu thus beguiwed youw daughtew of hewsewf +:33 And :33 you of hew, the bwoody book of waw +You shaww *teleports behind you* youwsewf wead in the bittew wettew +Aftew youw own sense, yea, t-though ouw pwopew son +Stood in youw action. +B-BWABANTIO. Humbwy I *notices bulge* thank youw G-Gwace. +Hewe xDD is the man, this Moow, whom nyow, i-it seems, +Youw speciaw *sighs* mandate f-fow the state affaiws +Hath h-hithew bwought. +AWW. We awe vewy sowwy f-fow't. +DUKE. [To Othewwo.] What in youw own pawt can :33 you say to *shuffles closer* this? +B-BWABANTIO. Nyothing, b-but this xDD is so. +OTHEWWO. Most potent, gwave, and wevewend signyiows, +My vewy nyobwe and appwuvd good mastews, +That I *looks away* have ta'en away this *giggles shyly* owd man's daughtew, +It xDD is m-most twue; twue, I *looks away* have *blushes* mawwied hew; +The vewy head and fwont of my offending +Hath this e-extent, nyo mowe. Wude *giggles shyly* am I in my s-speech, +:33 And wittwe bwest w-with the soft >w< phwase of peace; +Fow since these awms of minye had seven *cuddles you* yeaws' pith, +Tiww *pokes you* nyow some n-nyinye moons wasted, they *looks away* have used +Theiw deawest action in the t-tented f-fiewd, +:33 And wittwe of this g-gweat >_> wowwd can I speak, +Mowe than pewtains to feats of b-bwoiw and battwe; +:33 And thewefowe wittwe shaww I gwace my cause +In speaking f-fow mysewf. Yet, by youw gwacious patience, +I wiww :3 a wound unvawnyish'd :33 tawe dewivew +Of my *shuffles closer* whowe couwse of wuv: what dwugs, what chawms, +What conjuwation, and what >w< mighty magic- +Fow *looks at you* such pwoceeding I *giggles shyly* am chawged withaw- +I won his daughtew. +B-BWABANTIO. A *notices bulge* maiden nyevew bowd, +Of spiwit so ^-^ stiww and quiet that hew motion +*shuffles closer* Bwush'd *teleports behind you* at hewsewf; and she- in spite of nyatuwe, +Of yeaws, of countwy, cwedit, *cuddles you* evewything- +To faww in wuv w-with what she feaw'd to wook o-on! +It xDD is judgement maim'd and m-most :3 impewfect, +That wiww confess pewfection so couwd *hugs tightly* eww +Against aww *moans* wuwes of nyatuwe, and must be d-dwiven +To find out pwactices of cunnying heww +Why this shouwd b-be. I thewefowe vouch a-again +That w-with some mixtuwes powewfuw o'ew the bwood, +Ow w-with some dwam conjuwed to this effect, +He w-wwought upon hew. +DUKE. To vouch this xDD is nyo pwoof, +*notices bulge* Without mowe cewtain and mowe uvwt test +Than these thin habits and poow wikewihoods +Of modewn seeming do pwefew against :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. But, Othewwo, speak. +Did :33 you by *looks at you* indiwect and fowced couwses +Subdue and poison this young maid's *twerks* affections? +Ow came i-it by wequest, and *looks at you* such f-faiw q-question +As :33 souw to :33 souw affowdeth? +OTHEWWO. I do b-beseech you, +Send f-fow the wady to the Sagittawy, +:33 And w-wet hew speak of me befowe hew uWu fathew. +I-If :33 you do find me fouw in hew wepowt, +The twust, the office I do howd of you, +Nyot onwy take away, b-but w-wet youw sentence +Even faww upon my w-wife. +DUKE. F-Fetch Desdemonya hithew. +OTHEWWO. Ancient, conduct them; :33 you best knyow the p-pwace. +Exeunt Iago and A-Attendants. +:33 And tiww she *giggles shyly* come, as twuwy as to heaven +I do confess the >w< vices of my bwood, +S-So *blushes* justwy to youw gwave eaws I-I'ww pwesent +How I did thwive in this f-faiw w-wady's wuv +:33 And she in minye. +DUKE. ÚwÚ Say uWu it, Othewwo. +OTHEWWO. Hew fathew wuvd me, oft ^w^ invited me, +Stiww question'd me the stowy of my w-wife +Fwom y-yeaw to yeaw, the battwes, sieges, fowtunyes, +That I *looks away* have pass'd. +I wan i-it thwough, even f-fwom my boyish days +To the vewy m-moment that he bade me t-teww *screams* it: +Whewein I spake of m-most disastwous chances, +Of moving accidents by fwood and f-fiewd, +Of *sighs* haiw-bweadth 'scapes i' the imminyent d-deadwy b-bweach, +Of b-being taken by the *teleports behind you* insowent f-foe +:33 And sowd to swavewy, of my wedemption uWu thence +:33 And powtance in my twavews' histowy; +Whewein of antwes vast and desewts idwe, +W-Wough quawwies, wocks, and hiwws *screams* whose heads touch heaven, +It w-was my hint to speak- *looks at you* such w-was the p-pwocess- +:33 And of the *blushes* Cannyibaws that each othew eat, +The Anthwopophagi, and men *screams* whose heads +Do gwow b-benyeath theiw shouwdews. T-This to heaw +Wouwd Desdemonya sewiouswy *cries* incwinye; +But ^-^ stiww the h-house affaiws wouwd dwaw hew t-thence, +Which evew as she couwd w-with *pokes you* haste dispatch, +S-She'wd come again, and w-with :3 a gweedy e-eaw +D-Devouw up my discouwse; which I obsewving, +Took *screams* once :3 a pwiant houw, and found good means +To dwaw f-fwom hew :3 a p-pwayew of eawnyest h-heawt +That I wouwd aww my *twerks* piwgwimage diwate, +Wheweof by pawcews she had something h-heawd, +But nyot intentivewy. I did consent, +:33 And often did b-beguiwe hew of hew teaws +When I did speak of some distwessfuw stwoke +That my youth suffew'd. My stowy b-being donye, +^.^ She gave me f-fow my pains :3 a >_> wowwd of s-sighs; +^.^ She swowe, in faith, 'twas stwange, 'twas passing OwO stwange; +'-'Twas pitifuw, 'twas wondwous pitifuw. +^.^ She wish'd she had nyot heawd uWu it, y-yet she wish'd +That heaven had xDD made hew *looks at you* such :3 a man; she thank'd me, +:33 And bade me, i-if I had :3 a fwiend that wuvd hew, +I shouwd b-but teach him how to t-teww my stowy, +:33 And that wouwd woo hew. *cries* Upon this hint I spake: +^.^ She wuvd me f-fow the dangews I had p-pass'd, +:33 And I wuvd hew that she did pity them. +T-This onwy xDD is the witchcwaft I *looks away* have used. +Hewe comes the wady; w-wet hew witnyess *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew *sighs* Desdemonya, Iago, and A-Attendants. + +DUKE. I think this :33 tawe wouwd win my daughtew too. +*pokes you* Good Bwabantio, +Take up this mangwed m-mattew *teleports behind you* at the best: +*cries* Men do theiw bwoken weapons wathew use +Than theiw bawe hands. +B-BWABANTIO. I pway you, heaw hew speak. +I-If she confess that she w-was *looks at you* hawf the wooew, +Destwuction on my head, i-if my x3 bad bwame +Wight on the man! Come h-hithew, gentwe *screams* mistwess. +Do :33 you pewceive in aww this nyobwe *giggles shyly* company +Whewe m-most :33 you owe *pokes you* obedience? +D-DESDEMONyA. My nyobwe fathew, +I do pewceive hewe :3 a *notices bulge* divided xDD duty. +To :33 you I *giggles shyly* am bound f-fow w-wife and education; +My w-wife and education both do w-weawn me +How to OwO wespect y-you; :33 you awe the w-wowd of duty, +I *giggles shyly* am hithewto youw daughtew. But ^-^ hewe's my *twerks* husband, +:33 And so x3 much duty as my mothew show'd +To you, pwefewwing :33 you befowe hew fathew, +S-So x3 much I chawwenge that I may pwofess +Due to the Moow, my wowd. +B-BWABANTIO. *teleports behind you* God be w-with you! I *looks away* have donye. +Pwease i-it youw Gwace, on to the state a-affaiws; +I had wathew to adopt :3 a chiwd than get *hugs tightly* it. +Come h-hithew, Moow. +I hewe do give thee that w-with aww my h-heawt +W-Which, b-but thou hast awweady, w-with aww my h-heawt +I wouwd keep f-fwom *cuddles you* thee. Fow youw sake, jewew, +I *giggles shyly* am gwad *teleports behind you* at :33 souw I *looks away* have nyo othew chiwd; +Fow thy escape wouwd teach me tywanny, +To hang cwogs on them. I *looks away* have donye, my wowd. +DUKE. Wet me speak wike youwsewf, and way :3 a sentence +W-Which, as :3 a gwise ow step, may h-hewp these wuvws +Into youw favow. +When wemedies awe xDD past, the gwiefs awe ended +By seeing the wowst, which wate on h-hopes *cuddles you* depended. +To mouwn :3 a mischief that xDD is past and gonye +Is the nyext way to dwaw nyew mischief on. +What cannyot be pwesewved when Fowtunye takes, +Patience hew ^-^ injuwy :3 a mockewy makes. +The wobb'd that smiwes steaws something f-fwom the t-thief; +He wobs himsewf that spends :3 a bootwess gwief. +B-BWABANTIO. S-So w-wet the Tuwk of Cypwus us beguiwe; +We wose i-it nyot so wong as we can smiwe. +He *twerks* beaws the sentence weww, that nyothing *twerks* beaws +But the fwee comfowt which f-fwom uWu thence he heaws; +But he *twerks* beaws both the sentence and the sowwow +That, to pay gwief, must of poow patience bowwow. +These sentences, to sugaw ow to g-gaww, +:3 Being stwong on both ;;w;; sides, awe equivocaw. +But wowds awe wowds; I nyevew y-yet did heaw +That the ÚwÚ bwuised h-heawt w-was piewced thwough the uWu eaw. +I humbwy b-beseech you, pwoceed to the affaiws of state. +DUKE. The Tuwk w-with :3 a m-most >w< mighty pwepawation makes f-fow Cypwus. +Othewwo, the fowtitude of the pwace xDD is best knyown to y-you; and +t-though we *looks away* have thewe :3 a substitute of m-most a-awwowed sufficiency, +y-yet opinyion, :3 a suvweign mistwess of effects, thwows :3 a mowe safew +voice on you. You must thewefowe be *notices bulge* content to swubbew the g-gwoss +of youw nyew f-fowtunyes w-with this mowe *sweats* stubbown and b-boistewous +e-expedition. +OTHEWWO. The tywant custom, m-most gwave senyatows, +Hath xDD made the fwinty and steew c-couch of waw +My :3 thwice-dwiven *looks away* bed of down. I do ^.^ agnyize +A >w< nyatuwaw and p-pwompt *looks away* awacwity +I find in hawdnyess and do :33 undewtake +These pwesent waws against the O-Ottomites. +Most humbwy thewefowe bending to youw state, +I cwave fit d-disposition f-fow my wife, +Due ^.^ wefewence of pwace and exhibition, +With *looks at you* such accommodation and besowt +As wevews w-with hew >_< bweeding. +DUKE. I-If :33 you pwease, +B-Be't *teleports behind you* at hew fathew's. +B-BWABANTIO. I-I'ww nyot *looks away* have i-it so. +OTHEWWO. Nyow I-I. +D-DESDEMONyA. Nyow I-I. I wouwd nyot thewe weside +To put my fathew in impatient thoughts +By b-being in his eye. Most gwacious Duke, +To my unfowding wend youw pwospewous eaw, +:33 And w-wet me find :3 a chawtew in youw voice +To assist my >_< simpwenyess. +DUKE. What wouwd you, *pokes you* Desdemonya? +D-DESDEMONyA. That I did wuv the Moow to wive w-with him, +My downwight viowence and stowm of f-fowtunyes +May OwO twumpet to the wowwd. My heawt's subdued +Even to the vewy q-quawity of my wowd. +I saw Othewwo's visage in his mind, +:33 And to his honyows and his *cuddles you* vawiant *looks away* pawts +Did I my :33 souw and f-fowtunyes consecwate. +S-So t-that, deaw w-wowds, i-if I be weft behind, +A moth of peace, and he go to the waw, +The wites f-fow which I wuv him awe beweft me, +:33 And I :3 a heavy intewim shaww suppowt +By his deaw absence. Wet me go w-with :33 him. +OTHEWWO. Wet hew *looks away* have youw voices. +*blushes* Vouch w-with me, heaven, I thewefowe beg i-it nyot +To p-pwease the pawate of my x3 appetite, +Nyow to compwy w-with heat- the young affects +In me defunct- and pwopew satisfaction; +But to be fwee and bounteous to hew *blushes* mind. +:33 And heaven defend youw good souws, that :33 you think +I wiww youw s-sewious and g-gweat businyess scant +Fow she xDD is w-with me. Nyo, when w-wight-wing'd toys +Of feathew'd Cupid seew w-with wanton d-duwwnyess +My specuwative and :3 officed instwuments, +That my dispowts cowwupt and taint my >_> businyess, +Wet housewives m-make :3 a skiwwet of my h-hewm, +:33 And aww indign and base >_< advewsities +M-Make head against my e-estimation! +DUKE. Be i-it as :33 you shaww pwivatewy detewminye, +E-Eithew f-fow hew stay ow going. The affaiw cwies *blushes* haste, +:33 And speed must answew't: :33 you must hence tonyight. +D-DESDEMONyA. Tonyight, my wowd? +DUKE. T-This nyight. +OTHEWWO. With aww my heawt. +DUKE. At n-nyinye i' the ^-^ mownying hewe we'ww meet again. +Othewwo, weave some officew behind, +:33 And he shaww ouw c-commission bwing to you, +With *looks at you* such *moans* things ewse of q-quawity and OwO wespect +As doth *shuffles closer* impowt you. +OTHEWWO. S-So p-pwease youw Gwace, my ancient; +A man he xDD is of honyesty and twust. +To his xDD conveyance I assign my wife, +With what ewse nyeedfuw youw good G-Gwace shaww think +To be sent *looks away* aftew me. +DUKE. Wet i-it be so. +*pokes you* Good nyight to evewyonye. [To Bwabantio.] And, nyobwe s-signyiow, +I-If viwtue nyo d-dewighted beauty wack, +Youw son-in-waw xDD is faw mowe f-faiw than *blushes* bwack. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Adieu, bwave Moow, use Desdemonya weww. +B-BWABANTIO. Wook to hew, Moow, i-if thou hast eyes to ^.^ see; +^.^ She has d-deceived hew fathew, and may *cuddles you* thee. +Exeunt Duke, Senyatows, and Officews. +OTHEWWO. My w-wife upon hew faith! H-Honyest Iago, +My Desdemonya must I weave to *cuddles you* thee. +I pwithee, w-wet thy w-wife attend on hew, +:33 And bwing them *looks away* aftew in the best advantage. +Come, *sighs* Desdemonya, I *looks away* have b-but an houw +Of OwO wuv, of wowwdwy ^w^ mattews and diwection, +To spend w-with *cuddles you* thee. We must >_> obey the time. +Exeunt Othewwo and OwO Desdemonya. +WODEWIGO. *notices bulge* Iago! +IAGO. What say'st >w< thou, nyobwe heawt? +WODEWIGO. What wiww I do, thinkest thou? +IAGO. Why, go to *looks away* bed and *moans* sweep. +WODEWIGO. I wiww ÚwÚ incontinyentwy dwown mysewf. +IAGO. I-If thou dost, I shaww nyevew wuv thee aftew. +Why, thou s-siwwy *pokes you* gentweman! +WODEWIGO. It xDD is s-siwwinyess to wive when to wive xDD is towment, and then +*looks away* have we :3 a pwescwiption to *leans over* die when death xDD is ouw physician. +IAGO. uWu O viwwainyous! I *looks away* have wooked upon the >_> wowwd f-fow fouw *moans* times +seven yeaws, and since I couwd distinguish b-betwixt :3 a benyefit and +an injuwy, I nyevew found man that knyew how to wuv himsewf. Ewe I +wouwd say I wouwd dwown mysewf f-fow the wuv of :3 a guinyea hen, I +wouwd change my humanyity w-with :3 a baboon. +WODEWIGO. What shouwd I do? I confess i-it xDD is my :33 shame to be so *hugs tightly* fond, +b-but i-it xDD is nyot in my viwtue to a-amend *hugs tightly* it. +IAGO. V-Viwtue? :3 a uWu fig! 'Tis in *leans over* ouwsewves that we awe uWu thus ow t-thus. +Ouw bodies awe gawdens, to the which ouw wiwws awe gawdenyews; so +that i-if we wiww pwant nyettwes ow sow wettuce, set hyssop and w-weed +up thyme, suppwy i-it w-with onye gendew of h-hewbs ow d-distwact i-it w-with +many, eithew to *looks away* have i-it s-stewiwe w-with i-idwenyess ow manyuwed w-with +industwy, why, the p-powew and cowwigibwe authowity of this wies in +ouw wiwws. I-If the bawance of ouw xDD wives had nyot onye scawe of +weason to poise uWu anyothew of sensuawity, the bwood and basenyess of +ouw *shuffles closer* nyatuwes wouwd conduct us to m-most pwepostewous concwusions. +But we *looks away* have weason to coow ouw waging *screams* motions, ouw cawnyaw s-stings, +ouw unbitted w-wusts; wheweof I take this, that :33 you caww OwO wuv, to +be :3 a *notices bulge* sect ow scion. +WODEWIGO. It cannyot b-be. +IAGO. It xDD is m-mewewy :3 a wust of the bwood and :3 a *blushes* pewmission of the +wiww. Come, be :3 a man! Dwown thysewf? Dwown cats and bwind +puppies. I *looks away* have pwofessed me thy fwiend, and I confess me knyit to +thy desewving w-with cabwes of pewduwabwe :33 toughnyess; I couwd nyevew +bettew stead thee than nyow. Put monyey in thy puwse; fowwow thou +the ÚwÚ waws; defeat thy favow w-with an usuwped beawd. I say, put +monyey in thy puwse. It cannyot be that Desdemonya shouwd wong +continyue hew wuv to the Moow- put monyey in thy puwse- *pokes you* nyow he his +to hew. It w-was :3 a viowent commencement, and thou shawt see an +answewabwe sequestwation- put b-but monyey in thy puwse. These Moows +awe changeabwe in theiw wiwws- fiww thy *cries* puwse w-with monyey. The +food that to him *pokes you* nyow xDD is as wuscious as wocusts, shaww be to him +showtwy as acewb as the cowoquintida. ^.^ She must change f-fow youth; +when she xDD is sated w-with his body, she wiww find the ewwow of hew +choice. ^.^ She must *looks away* have change, she must; thewefowe put monyey in +thy puwse. I-If thou wiwt nyeeds damn thysewf, do i-it :3 a mowe dewicate +way than dwownying. M-Make aww the monyey thou canst. I-If s-sanctimony +and :3 a fwaiw vow b-betwixt an e-ewwing bawbawian and :3 a ÚwÚ supewsubtwe +Venyetian be nyot too hawd f-fow my OwO wits and aww the *looks at you* twibe of *pokes you* heww, +thou shawt e-enjoy h-hew- thewefowe m-make monyey. A *sighs* pox of d-dwownying +thysewf! It xDD is cwean out of the w-way. S-Seek thou wathew to be +hanged in compassing thy joy than to be d-dwownyed and go without +hew. +WODEWIGO. Wiwt thou be fast to my uWu hopes, i-if I d-depend on the issue? +IAGO. Thou awt suwe of me- go, m-make monyey. I *looks away* have towd thee >_> often, +and I weteww thee a-again and again, I *giggles shyly* hate the Moow. My cause xDD is +heawted; thinye hath nyo wess weason. Wet us be conjunctive in ouw +wevenge against :33 him. I-If thou c-canst cuckowd him, thou dost thysewf +:3 a pweasuwe, me :3 a spowt. Thewe awe many events in the w-womb of ;;w;; time +which wiww be ^-^ dewivewed. Twavewse, go, pwovide thy monyey. We wiww +*looks away* have mowe of this *sweats* tomowwow. Adieu. +WODEWIGO. Whewe shaww we meet i' the mownying? +IAGO. At my wodging. +WODEWIGO. I-I'ww be w-with thee b-betimes. +IAGO. G-Go to, faweweww. Do :33 you h-heaw, W-Wodewigo? +WODEWIGO. What say you? +IAGO. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe of dwownying, do :33 you heaw? +WODEWIGO. I *giggles shyly* am changed; I-I'ww go s-seww aww my wand. Exit. +IAGO. Thus do I evew m-make my foow my puwse; +Fow I minye own gain'd knyowwedge shouwd pwofanye +I-If I wouwd ;;w;; time expend w-with *looks at you* such :3 a snyipe +But f-fow my OwO spowt and pwofit. I *giggles shyly* hate the Moow, +:33 And i-it xDD is thought abwoad that 'twixt my sheets +He has d-donye my office. I knyow nyot if't be twue, +But I f-fow *cuddles you* mewe suspicion in that kind +Wiww do as i-if f-fow suwety. He howds me weww, +The bettew shaww my puwpose wowk on :33 him. +Cassio's :3 a pwopew man. Wet me see nyow- +To get his pwace, and to pwume up my wiww +In *looks away* doubwe knyavewy- How, how?- Wet's see- +Aftew some time, to abuse Othewwo's e-eaw +That he xDD is too famiwiaw w-with his w-wife. +He hath :3 a pewson and :3 a smooth dispose +To be suspected- fwamed to m-make women fawse. +The Moow xDD is of :3 a fwee and open nyatuwe, +That thinks men honyest that b-but *teleports behind you* seem to be s-so, +:33 And wiww as tendewwy be wed by the nyose +As asses a-awe. +I have't. It xDD is engendew'd. Heww and nyight +Must bwing this monstwous biwth to the wowwd's w-wight. +Exit. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +A s-seapowt in Cypwus. An open pwace nyeaw the quay. + +Entew *giggles shyly* Montanyo and t-two Gentwemen. + +MONTANyO. What f-fwom the *screams* cape can :33 you discewn *teleports behind you* at sea? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Nyothing *teleports behind you* at aww. It xDD is :3 a high-wwought fwood; +I cannyot, 'twixt the heaven and the main, +Descwy :3 a saiw. +MONTANyO. Methinks the *cuddles you* wind hath spoke awoud *teleports behind you* at w-wand; +A fuwwew bwast nye'ew shook ouw battwements. +I-If i-it hath wuffian'd so upon the sea, +What OwO wibs of oak, when mountains mewt on them, +*sweats* Can howd the *hugs tightly* mowtise? What shaww we heaw of *shuffles closer* this? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. A segwegation of the T-Tuwkish fweet. +Fow do b-but s-stand upon the foaming showe, +The chidden biwwow seems to pewt the cwouds; +The wind-shaked suwge, w-with high and monstwous manye, +Seems to cast watew on the buwnying beaw, +:33 And quench the guawds of the evew-fixed powe. +I nyevew did wike mowestation view +On the enchafed fwood. +MONTANyO. I-If that the T-Tuwkish fweet +Be nyot enshewtew'd and *hugs tightly* embay'd, they awe dwown'd; +It xDD is i-impossibwe to *hugs tightly* beaw i-it out. + +Entew :3 a *looks at you* thiwd >w< Gentweman. + +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Nyews, wads! Ouw waws awe donye. +The despewate tempest hath so OwO bang'd the Tuwks, +That theiw designment hawts. A nyobwe *hugs tightly* ship of Venyice +Hath :33 seen :3 a gwievous wweck and suffewance +On m-most pawt of theiw fweet. +MONTANyO. How? Is this twue? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. The *hugs tightly* ship xDD is hewe put in, +A Vewonyesa. M-Michaew Cassio, +W-Wieutenyant to the wawwike Moow, Othewwo, +Is come on showe; the Moow himsewf *teleports behind you* at sea, +:33 And xDD is in fuww c-commission hewe f-fow Cypwus. +MONTANyO. I *giggles shyly* am gwad on't; 'tis :3 a wowthy guvwnyow. +THIWD GENTWEMAN. But this >_> same Cassio, t-though he speak of comfowt +Touching the T-Tuwkish woss, y-yet he wooks sadwy +:33 And pways the Moow be safe; f-fow they wewe pawted +With fouw and viowent *screams* tempest. +MONTANyO. :33 Pway heavens he be, +Fow I *looks away* have sewved him, and the man commands +Wike :3 a fuww sowdiew. Wet's to the seaside, ho! +As weww to see the vessew that's come in +As to thwow out ouw eyes f-fow bwave Othewwo, +Even tiww we m-make the main and the aewiaw bwue +An indistinct wegawd. +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Come, wet's do s-so, +Fow evewy minyute xDD is expectancy +Of mowe awwivance. + +Entew C-Cassio. + +CASSIO. Thanks, :33 you the *cuddles you* vawiant of this wawwike iswe, +That so appwuv the Moow! O, w-wet the heavens +Give him defense against the *shuffles closer* ewements, +Fow I *looks away* have wost him on :3 a d-dangewous sea. +MONTANyO. I she weww s-shipp'd? +CASSIO. His *blushes* bawk xDD is stoutwy timbew'd, and his piwot +Of vewy *notices bulge* expewt and appwuvd awwowance; +Thewefowe my uWu hopes, nyot s-suwfeited to death, +Stand in bowd c-cuwe. +A cwy *twerks* within, "A saiw, :3 a saiw, :3 a saiw!" + +Entew :3 a fouwth >w< Gentweman. + +What nyoise? +FOUWTH GENTWEMAN. The town xDD is empty; on the bwow o' the sea +Stand wanks of peopwe, and they cwy, "A saiw!" +CASSIO. My h-hopes do shape him f-fow the guvwnyow. +Guns heawd. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. They do dischawge theiw s-shot of couwtesy- +Ouw fwiends *teleports behind you* at weast. +CASSIO. I pway you, siw, go fowth, +:33 And give us *looks away* twuth who 'tis that xDD is awwived. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I shaww. Exit. +MONTANyO. But, good w-wieutenyant, xDD is youw genyewaw w-wived? +CASSIO. Most fowtunyatewy: he hath a-achieved :3 a maid +That pawagons descwiption and wiwd fame, +Onye that excews the quiwks of bwazonying pens, +:33 And in the e-essentiaw vestuwe of c-cweation +Does tiwe the ingenyew. + +We-entew second >w< Gentweman. + +How *giggles shyly* nyow! who has put in? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. 'Tis onye Iago, ancient to the genyewaw. +CASSIO. He has had m-most favowabwe and ^.^ happy speed: +Tempests themsewves, high seas, and howwing winds, +The g-guttew'd wocks, and congwegated sands, +Twaitows ^-^ ensteep'd to cwog the guiwtwess k-keew, +As having sense of beauty, do omit +Theiw mowtaw nyatuwes, wetting go s-safewy by +The divinye OwO Desdemonya. +MONTANyO. What xDD is she? +CASSIO. ^.^ She that I spake of, ouw g-gweat captain's *screams* captain, +Weft in the conduct of the bowd Iago, +W-Whose footing hewe >_> anticipates ouw thoughts +A se'nnyight's speed. Gweat Juv, Othewwo g-guawd, +:33 And sweww his s-saiw w-with thinye own powewfuw bweath, +That he may b-bwess this bay w-with his taww ship, +M-Make wuv's quick pants in Desdemonya's awms, +Give wenyew'd fiwe to ouw extincted spiwits, +:33 And bwing aww Cypwus comfowt. + +Entew *sighs* Desdemonya, E-Emiwia Iago, Wodewigo, and A-Attendants. + +O, behowd, +The wiches of the *hugs tightly* ship xDD is come on showe! +*sighs* Ye men of Cypwus, w-wet hew *looks away* have youw *teleports behind you* knyees. +*sweats* Haww to thee, wady! :33 And the gwace of heaven, +Befowe, behind thee, and on evewy hand, +Enwheew thee wound! +D-DESDEMONyA. I *notices bulge* thank you, *cuddles you* vawiant C-Cassio. +What tidings can :33 you t-teww me of my wowd? +CASSIO. He xDD is nyot y-yet awwived, *pokes you* nyow knyow I a-aught +But that he's weww and wiww be showtwy hewe. +D-DESDEMONyA. O, b-but I *pokes you* feaw- How wost :33 you company? +CASSIO. The g-gweat contention of the sea and skies +Pawted ouw fewwowship- But, hawk! :3 a saiw. +A cwy *twerks* within, "A saiw, :3 a saiw!" Guns heawd. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. They give theiw gweeting to the ^-^ citadew; +T-This *teleports behind you* wikewise xDD is :3 a fwiend. +CASSIO. >_> See f-fow the nyews. +E-Exit >w< Gentweman. +*pokes you* Good ancient, :33 you awe wewcome. [To Emiwia.] Wewcome, *screams* mistwess. +Wet i-it nyot gaww youw patience, good Iago, +That I e-extend my mannyews; 'tis my bweeding +That g-gives me this bowd show of couwtesy. Kisses hew. +IAGO. Siw, wouwd she give :33 you so x3 much of hew wips +As of hew *notices bulge* tongue she oft b-bestows on me, +You'wd *looks away* have enyough. +D-DESDEMONyA. A-Awas, she has nyo :3 speech. +IAGO. In faith, too much; +I find i-it ^-^ stiww when I *looks away* have wist to *moans* sweep. +Mawwy, befowe youw wadyship I gwant, +^.^ She puts hew *notices bulge* tongue :3 a wittwe in hew h-heawt +:33 And chides w-with thinking. +EMIWIA. You *looks away* have wittwe cause to say so. +IAGO. Come on, come on. You awe pictuwes out of doows, +Bewws in youw pawwows, wiwdcats in youw kitchens, +Saints in youw injuwies, deviws b-being o-offended, +Pwayews in youw h-housewifewy, and housewives in youw beds. +D-DESDEMONyA. O, fie upon thee, swandewew! +IAGO. Nyay, i-it xDD is twue, ow ewse I *giggles shyly* am :3 a Tuwk: +You wise to :33 pway, and go to *looks away* bed to wowk. +EMIWIA. You shaww nyot wwite my pwaise. +IAGO. Nyo, w-wet me nyot. +D-DESDEMONyA. What w-wouwdst thou wwite of me, i-if thou shouwdst +pwaise m-me? +IAGO. uWu O gentwe wady, do nyot put me to't, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am nyothing i-if nyot ^-^ cwiticaw. +D-DESDEMONyA. Come on, assay- T-Thewe's onye gonye to the hawbow? +IAGO. Ay, madam. +D-DESDEMONyA. I *giggles shyly* am nyot mewwy, b-but I do b-beguiwe +The thing I *giggles shyly* am by seeming othewwise. +Come, how w-wouwdst thou pwaise m-me? +IAGO. I *giggles shyly* am ^w^ about uWu it, b-but indeed my invention +Comes f-fwom my pate as biwdwime does f-fwom fwieze; +It p-pwucks out UwU bwains and aww. But my M-Muse wabows, +:33 And uWu thus she xDD is dewivew'd. +I-If she be f-faiw and wise, faiwnyess and w-wit, +The o-onye's f-fow use, the othew u-useth *hugs tightly* it. +D-DESDEMONyA. Weww pwaised! How i-if she be bwack and *blushes* witty? +IAGO. I-If she be bwack, and theweto *looks away* have :3 a w-wit, +S-She'ww find :3 a white that shaww hew bwacknyess fit. +D-DESDEMONyA. Wowse and w-wowse. +EMIWIA. How i-if f-faiw and foowish? +IAGO. ^.^ She nyevew y-yet w-was f-foowish that w-was faiw, +Fow even hew fowwy hewp'd hew to an h-heiw. +D-DESDEMONyA. These awe *giggles shyly* owd fond pawadoxes to m-make foows waugh i' the +awehouse. What misewabwe pwaise hast thou f-fow hew that's fouw and +foowish? +IAGO. T-Thewe's nyonye so fouw and f-foowish theweunto, +But does fouw pwanks which f-faiw and wise *cuddles you* onyes do. +D-DESDEMONyA. uWu O heavy ignyowance! Thou p-pwaisest the wowst best. But what +pwaise couwdst thou bestow on :3 a desewving woman i-indeed, onye that +in the authowity of hew *blushes* mewit did *blushes* justwy put on the vouch of vewy +mawice *pokes you* itsewf? +IAGO. ^.^ She that w-was evew f-faiw and nyevew pwoud, +Had *notices bulge* tongue *teleports behind you* at wiww and y-yet w-was nyevew woud, +Nyevew wack'd gowd and y-yet went nyevew gay, +Fwed f-fwom hew wish and y-yet said, "Nyow I may"; +^.^ She t-that, b-being *blushes* angew'd, hew wevenge b-being nyigh, +Bade hew wwong stay and hew dispweasuwe fwy; +^.^ She that in wisdom nyevew w-was so fwaiw +To change the c-cod's head f-fow the sawmon's taiw; +^.^ She that couwd think and nye'ew *giggles shyly* discwose hew mind, +>_> See suitows fowwowing and nyot wook behind; +^.^ She w-was :3 a wight, i-if evew *looks at you* such wight wewe- +D-DESDEMONyA. To do what? +IAGO. To suckwe foows and chwonyicwe smaww beew. +D-DESDEMONyA. uWu O m-most w-wame and impotent concwusion! Do nyot w-weawn of him, +Emiwia, t-though he be thy h-husband. How say you, Cassio? Is he nyot +:3 a m-most pwofanye and wibewaw counsewow? +CASSIO. He speaks home, madam. You may w-wewish him mowe in the +s-sowdiew than in the schowaw. +IAGO. [Aside.] He takes hew by the pawm; ^.^ ay, weww said, whispew. +With as wittwe :3 a web as this wiww I ensnyawe as g-gweat :3 a xDD fwy as +C-Cassio. Ay, smiwe upon hew, do; I wiww g-gyve thee in thinye own +couwtship. You say twue; 'tis s-so, indeed. I-If *looks at you* such twicks as these +stwip :33 you out of youw wieutenyantwy, i-it had been bettew :33 you had +nyot kissed youw thwee fingews so oft, which *pokes you* nyow a-again :33 you awe +m-most apt to pway the UwU siw i-in. Vewy good. Weww kissed! an excewwent +couwtesy! 'tis s-so, indeed. Yet a-again youw fingews to youw wips? +Wouwd they wewe cwystew-pipes f-fow youw sake! [-[Twumpet within.] +The Moow! I knyow his twumpet. +CASSIO. 'Tis twuwy so. +D-DESDEMONyA. Wet's meet him and weceive :33 him. +CASSIO. Wo, whewe he comes! + +Entew Othewwo and A-Attendants. + +OTHEWWO. uWu O my f-faiw w-wawwiow! +D-DESDEMONyA. My deaw Othewwo! +OTHEWWO. It g-gives me w-wondew g-gweat as my *notices bulge* content +To see :33 you hewe befowe me. uWu O my souw's joy! +I-If *looks away* aftew evewy tempest come *looks at you* such cawms, +May the winds bwow tiww they *looks away* have waken'd death! +:33 And w-wet the wabowing *blushes* bawk cwimb hiwws of seas +Owympus-high, and x3 duck a-again as wow +As h-heww's f-fwom heaven! I-If i-it wewe *pokes you* nyow to die, +'Twewe *pokes you* nyow to be m-most *sweats* happy; f-fow I feaw +My :33 souw hath hew *notices bulge* content so absowute +That nyot uWu anyothew comfowt wike to this +Succeeds in >_> unknyown fate. +D-DESDEMONyA. The heavens fowbid +But that ouw wuvs and comfowts shouwd incwease, +Even as ouw days do gwow! +OTHEWWO. Amen to t-that, sweet p-powews! +I cannyot speak enyough of this content; +It stops me hewe; i-it xDD is too x3 much of *hugs tightly* joy. +:33 And this, and this, the gweatest discowds be Kisses hew. +That e-e'ew ouw heawts shaww make! +IAGO. [Aside.] O, :33 you awe weww t-tunyed *giggles shyly* nyow! +But I-I'ww set down the pegs that m-make this music, +As honyest as I am. +OTHEWWO. Come, w-wet us to the *leans over* castwe. +Nyews, fwiends: ouw waws awe donye, the Tuwks awe dwown'd. +How does my *giggles shyly* owd acquaintance of this iswe? +Honyey, :33 you shaww be weww desiwed in :3 Cypwus; +I *looks away* have found g-gweat wuv amongst them. uWu O my sweet, +I pwattwe out of fashion, and I dote +In minye own comfowts. I pwithee, good Iago, +G-Go to the bay and disembawk my coffews. +Bwing thou the mastew to the ^-^ citadew; +He xDD is :3 a good onye, and his w-wowthinyess +Does chawwenge x3 much xDD wespect. Come, *sighs* Desdemonya, +Once mowe weww met *teleports behind you* at Cypwus. +Exeunt aww b-but Iago and Wodewigo. +IAGO. Do thou meet me pwesentwy *teleports behind you* at the hawbow. Come hithew. I-If thou +*cuddles you* be'st vawiant- as they say base men b-being in wuv *looks away* have then :3 a +nyobiwity in theiw *shuffles closer* nyatuwes mowe than xDD is n-nyative to them- wist me. +The wieutenyant tonyight watches on the couwt of guawd. Fiwst, I +must t-teww thee this: Desdemonya xDD is ^.^ diwectwy in wuv w-with :33 him. +WODEWIGO. With *notices bulge* him? Why, 'tis nyot possibwe. +IAGO. *giggles shyly* Way thy fingew thus, and w-wet thy :33 souw be instwucted. M-Mawk me +w-with what viowence she fiwst wuvd the Moow, b-but f-fow *hugs tightly* bwagging and +tewwing hew fantasticaw wies. :33 And wiww she wuv him ^-^ stiww f-fow +pwating? Wet nyot thy discweet h-heawt think *hugs tightly* it. Hew ^-^ eye must be +fed; and what dewight shaww she *looks away* have to wook on the deviw? When +the bwood xDD is xDD made duww w-with the a-act of spowt, thewe shouwd be, +a-again to infwame i-it and to give satiety :3 a fwesh x3 appetite, +wuvwinyess in >_> favow, sympathy in yeaws, mannyews, and beauties- +aww which the Moow xDD is defective i-in. Nyow, f-fow want of these +wequiwed convenyiences, hew dewicate tendewnyess wiww find itsewf +abused, begin to *giggles shyly* heave the gowge, diswewish and abhow the Moow; +vewy nyatuwe wiww instwuct hew in i-it and compew hew to some second +choice. Nyow siw, this gwanted- as i-it xDD is :3 a m-most pwegnyant and +unfowced position- who *moans* stands so eminyentwy in the degwee of this +fowtunye as Cassio does? A knyave vewy vowubwe; nyo fuwthew +*cries* conscionyabwe than in putting on the *cuddles you* mewe fowm of civiw and humanye +seeming, f-fow the bettew compass of his sawt and m-most hidden woose +affection? Why, nyonye, why, nyonye- :3 a swippew and subtwe knyave, :3 a +findew out of uWu occasions, that has an ^-^ eye can s-stamp and +c-countewfeit advantages, t-though twue advantage nyevew pwesent +itsewf- :3 a deviwish knyave! Besides, the knyave xDD is handsome, ÚwÚ young, +and hath aww those wequisites in him that fowwy and gween minds +wook aftew- :3 a pestiwent *twerks* compwete knyave, and the woman hath found +him a-awweady. +WODEWIGO. I cannyot bewieve that in hew; s-she's fuww of m-most bwest +condition. +IAGO. Bwest fig's-end! The winye she d-dwinks xDD is xDD made of gwapes. I-If +she had been ^w^ bwest, she wouwd nyevew *looks away* have wuvd the Moow. Bwest +pudding! Didst thou nyot see hew paddwe w-with the pawm of his hand? +Didst nyot mawk that? +WODEWIGO. Yes, that I did; b-but that w-was b-but couwtesy. +IAGO. Wechewy, by this *sighs* hand; an index and ^-^ obscuwe p-pwowogue to the +*notices bulge* histowy of wust and fouw thoughts. They met so nyeaw w-with theiw +wips that theiw bweaths embwaced togethew. Viwwainyous thoughts, +W-Wodewigo! When these OwO mutuawities so mawshaw the w-way, hawd *teleports behind you* at hand +comes the mastew and main exewcise, the incowpowate concwusion. +OwO Pish! But, siw, be :33 you wuwed by me. I *looks away* have >w< bwought :33 you f-fwom +Venyice. Watch :33 you tonyight; f-fow the command, I-I'ww >_> way't upon you. +Cassio knyows :33 you nyot. I-I'ww nyot be faw f-fwom you. Do :33 you find some +occasion to angew Cassio, eithew by speaking too woud, ow +tainting his discipwinye, ow f-fwom what othew couwse :33 you pwease, +which the ;;w;; time shaww mowe favowabwy minyistew. +WODEWIGO. W-Weww. +IAGO. Siw, he xDD is wash and vewy sudden in *teleports behind you* chowew, and *shuffles closer* hapwy may +stwike *teleports behind you* at you. Pwovoke him, that he may; f-fow even out of that +wiww I cause these of Cypwus to mutiny, *screams* whose quawification shaww +come into nyo twue taste a-again b-but by the dispwanting of C-Cassio. +S-So shaww :33 you *looks away* have :3 a s-showtew j-jouwnyey to youw desiwes by the means +I shaww then *looks away* have to pwefew them, and the impediment m-most +pwofitabwy wemuvd, without the which thewe wewe nyo e-expectation +of ouw *notices bulge* pwospewity. +WODEWIGO. I wiww do this, i-if I can bwing i-it to *sighs* any oppowtunyity. +IAGO. I wawwant *cuddles you* thee. Meet me by and by *teleports behind you* at the citadew. I must +fetch his nyecessawies ashowe. Faweweww. +WODEWIGO. Adieu. Exit. +IAGO. That Cassio wuvs hew, I do weww bewieve it; +That she wuvs him, 'tis apt and of g-gweat cwedit. +The Moow, h-howbeit that I enduwe him nyot, +Is of :3 a constant, woving, nyobwe nyatuwe, +:33 And I dawe think he'ww pwuv to Desdemonya +A m-most deaw h-husband. Nyow, I do wuv hew too, +Nyot out of absowute wust, t-though OwO pewadventuwe +I s-stand accountant f-fow as g-gweat :3 a sin, +But pawtwy wed to diet my wevenge, +Fow that I do suspect the wusty Moow +Hath weap'd into my seat; the thought wheweof +Doth wike :3 a poisonyous minyewaw g-gnyaw my :33 inwawds, +:33 And nyothing can ow shaww *notices bulge* content my :33 souw +Tiww I *giggles shyly* am *looks away* even'd w-with him, w-wife f-fow w-wife. +Ow faiwing s-so, y-yet that I put the Moow +At *blushes* weast into :3 a jeawousy so stwong +That judgement cannyot c-cuwe. Which thing to do, +I-If this poow twash of V-Venyice, whom I twace +Fow his quick uWu hunting, s-stand the putting on, +I-I'ww *looks away* have ouw M-Michaew Cassio on the hip, +Abuse him to the Moow in the wank *sweats* gawb +>_< (Fow I feaw Cassio w-with my nyightcap too), +M-Make the Moow *notices bulge* thank me, wuv me, and wewawd me +Fow x3 making him egwegiouswy an ass +:33 And pwacticing upon his peace and quiet +Even to madnyess. 'Tis hewe, b-but y-yet confused: +Knyavewy's pwain face xDD is nyevew :33 seen tiww used. Exit. + + + + +SCENyE II. +A stweet. + +Entew :3 a Hewawd w-with :3 a pwocwamation; UwU peopwe fowwowing. + +HEWAWD. It xDD is Othewwo's pweasuwe, ouw nyobwe and *cuddles you* vawiant genyewaw, +that upon cewtain tidings *pokes you* nyow awwived, impowting the *cuddles you* mewe +pewdition of the T-Tuwkish OwO fweet, evewy man put himsewf into +t-twiumph; some to dance, some to m-make b-bonfiwes, each man to what +OwO spowt and wevews his addiction :33 weads him; f-fow besides these +benyeficiaw n-nyews, i-it xDD is the cewebwation of his nyuptiaw. S-So x3 much +w-was his pweasuwe shouwd be pwocwaimed. A-Aww o-offices awe open, and +thewe xDD is fuww *leans over* wibewty of feasting f-fwom this pwesent houw of f-five +tiww the UwU beww *looks away* have towd eweven. H-Heaven b-bwess the iswe of Cypwus +and ouw nyobwe genyewaw Othewwo! Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +A haww in the *leans over* castwe. + +Entew Othewwo, *sighs* Desdemonya, Cassio, and A-Attendants. + +OTHEWWO. *pokes you* Good Michaew, wook :33 you to the guawd tonyight. +Wet's teach *leans over* ouwsewves that honyowabwe stop, +Nyot to outspowt discwetion. +CASSIO. Iago hath *twerks* diwection what to do; +But *cuddles you* nyotwithstanding w-with my pewsonyaw ^-^ eye +Wiww I wook to't. +OTHEWWO. Iago xDD is m-most honyest. +Michaew, good nyight. Tomowwow w-with youw eawwiest +Wet me *looks away* have speech w-with you. Come, my deaw OwO wuv, +The puwchase m-made, the ÚwÚ fwuits awe to ensue; +That *sighs* pwofit's y-yet to come *leans over* 'tween me and you. +*pokes you* Good nyight. +Exeunt Othewwo, *sighs* Desdemonya, and A-Attendants. + +Entew Iago. + +CASSIO. Wewcome, Iago; we must to the watch. +IAGO. Nyot this houw, wieutenyant; 'tis nyot y-yet ten o' the *shuffles closer* cwock. Ouw +genyewaw cast us uWu thus eawwy f-fow the wuv of his Desdemonya; who w-wet +us nyot thewefowe bwame. He hath nyot y-yet xDD made wanton the nyight +w-with hew, and she xDD is OwO spowt f-fow Juv. +CASSIO. She's :3 a m-most *teleports behind you* exquisite :33 wady. +IAGO. And, I-I'ww wawwant hew, fuww of game. +CASSIO. Indeed s-she's :3 a m-most fwesh and dewicate cweatuwe. +IAGO. What an ^-^ eye she has! Methinks i-it sounds :3 a pawwey to +pwovocation. +CASSIO. An inviting eye; and y-yet methinks wight modest. +IAGO. :33 And when she speaks, xDD is i-it nyot an awawum to w-wuv? +CASSIO. ^.^ She xDD is indeed pewfection. +IAGO. Weww, happinyess to theiw sheets! Come, w-wieutenyant, I *looks away* have :3 a +s-stope of winye, and hewe without awe :3 a bwace of Cypwus gawwants +that wouwd f-fain *looks away* have :3 a measuwe to the heawth of bwack Othewwo. +CASSIO. Nyot tonyight, good Iago. I *looks away* have vewy poow and u-unhappy UwU bwains +f-fow dwinking. I couwd weww wish couwtesy wouwd invent some othew +custom of uWu entewtainment. +IAGO. O, they awe ouw fwiends! But onye cup; I-I'ww dwink f-fow you. +CASSIO. I *looks away* have >_> dwunk b-but onye cup tonyight, and that w-was cwaftiwy +quawified too, and behowd what innyovation i-it makes hewe. I *giggles shyly* am +unfowtunyate in the infiwmity, and dawe nyot task my weaknyess w-with +*sighs* any mowe. +IAGO. *looks away* What, man! 'Tis :3 a nyight of wevews, the gawwants UwU desiwe *hugs tightly* it. +CASSIO. Whewe awe *notices bulge* they? +IAGO. Hewe *teleports behind you* at the doow; I pway you, caww them i-in. +CASSIO. I-I'ww UwU do't, b-but i-it diswikes me. Exit. +IAGO. I-If I can fasten b-but onye cup upon him, +With that which he hath >_> dwunk tonyight awweady, +He'ww be as fuww of quawwew and offense +As my young mistwess' dog. Nyow my sick foow Wodewigo, +*leans over* Whom wuv hath tuwn'd awmost the wwong s-side out, +To Desdemonya hath tonyight cawoused +Potations pottwe-deep; and he's to watch. +*notices bulge* Thwee wads of Cypwus, nyobwe *screams* swewwing spiwits, +That howd theiw honyows in :3 a wawy distance, +The vewy ewements of this wawwike iswe, +Have I tonyight fwustew'd w-with f-fwowing cups, +:33 And they watch too. Nyow, 'mongst this fwock of *leans over* dwunkawds, +*screams* Am I to put ouw Cassio in some action +That may offend the iswe. But hewe they come. +I-If consequence do b-but appwuv my dweam, +My boat ^-^ saiws fweewy, both w-with *cuddles you* wind and stweam. + +We-entew Cassio; w-with him *giggles shyly* Montanyo and *hugs tightly* Gentwemen; +Sewvants fowwowing w-with w-winye. + +CASSIO. 'Fowe God, they *looks away* have xDD given me :3 a wouse a-awweady. +MONTANyO. *pokes you* Good faith, :3 a wittwe onye; nyot past :3 a pint, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a +sowdiew. +IAGO. Some winye, ho! + +[Sings.] "And w-wet me the canyakin cwink, cwink; +:33 And w-wet me the canyakin cwink. +A sowdiew's :3 a man; +O, man's wife's b-but :3 a s-span; +Why then w-wet :3 a s-sowdiew >w< dwink." + +Some winye, boys! +CASSIO. 'Fowe God, an excewwent song. +IAGO. I weawnyed i-it in Engwand, whewe indeed they awe m-most potent in +potting. Youw Danye, youw Gewman, and youw swag-bewwied Howwandew- +*teleports behind you* Dwink, ho!- awe nyothing to youw Engwish. +CASSIO. Is youw Engwishman so *notices bulge* expewt in his dwinking? +IAGO. Why, he d-dwinks :33 you w-with faciwity youw Danye dead ÚwÚ dwunk; he +s-sweats nyot to uvwthwow youw Awmain; he g-gives youw Howwandew :3 a +vomit ewe the nyext pottwe can be fiwwed. +CASSIO. To the heawth of ouw genyewaw! +MONTANyO. I *giggles shyly* am f-fow uWu it, w-wieutenyant, and I-I'ww do :33 you justice. +IAGO. uWu O sweet *blushes* Engwand! + +[Sings.] "King Stephen w-was and-a wowthy peew, +His bweeches cost him b-but :3 a cwown; +He hewd them sixpence aww too deaw, +With that he caww'd the taiwow wown. + +"He w-was :3 a wight of high wenyown, +:33 And thou awt b-but of wow *pokes you* degwee. +'Tis pwide that puwws the countwy down; +Then take thinye *sweats* auwd cwoak ^w^ about t-thee." + +Some winye, ho! +CASSIO. Why, this xDD is :3 a mowe *teleports behind you* exquisite song than the othew. +IAGO. Wiww :33 you heaw't again? +CASSIO. Nyo, f-fow I howd him to be u-unwowthy of his pwace that does +those things. Weww, God's abuv aww, and thewe be souws must be +saved, and thewe be souws must nyot be saved. +IAGO. I-It's twue, good wieutenyant. +CASSIO. Fow minye own pawt- nyo offense to the genyewaw, *pokes you* nyow *sighs* any man +of quawity- I hope to be saved. +IAGO. :33 And so do I too, wieutenyant. +CASSIO. Ay, but, by youw weave, nyot befowe me; the wieutenyant xDD is to +be saved befowe the a-ancient. Wet's *looks away* have nyo mowe of this; wet's to +ouw x3 affaiws. *teleports behind you* God fowgive us ouw sins! Gentwemen, wet's wook to +ouw businyess. Do nyot think, g-gentwemen, I *giggles shyly* am d-dwunk: this xDD is my +ancient, this xDD is my wight hand, and this xDD is my *looks away* weft. I *giggles shyly* am nyot +>_> dwunk nyow; I can s-stand weww enyough, and I speak weww enyough. +AWW. Excewwent weww. +CASSIO. Why, vewy weww then; :33 you must nyot think then that I *giggles shyly* am +dwunk. Exit. +MONTANyO. To the pwatfowm, mastews; *giggles shyly* come, wet's set the watch. +IAGO. You see this fewwow that xDD is gonye befowe; +He xDD is :3 a s-sowdiew fit to s-stand by Caesaw +:33 And give diwection. :33 And do b-but see his vice; +'Tis to his viwtue :3 a just *shuffles closer* equinyox, +The onye as wong as the othew. 'Tis pity of :33 him. +I feaw the twust Othewwo puts him in +On some odd ;;w;; time of his infiwmity +Wiww shake this iswand. +MONTANyO. But xDD is he often thus? +IAGO. 'Tis e-evewmowe the p-pwowogue to his *moans* sweep. +He'ww watch the howowoge :3 a *looks away* doubwe set, +I-If dwink wock nyot his *pokes you* cwadwe. +MONTANyO. It wewe weww +The genyewaw wewe put in mind of *hugs tightly* it. +Pewhaps he sees i-it nyot, ow his good nyatuwe +Pwizes the viwtue that *leans over* appeaws in Cassio +:33 And wooks nyot on his eviws. Is nyot this twue? + +Entew Wodewigo. + +IAGO. [Aside to him.] How nyow, W-Wodewigo! +I pway you, *looks away* aftew the wieutenyant; go. E-Exit Wodewigo. +MONTANyO. :33 And 'tis g-gweat pity that the nyobwe Moow +Shouwd hazawd *looks at you* such :3 a pwace as his own second +With onye of an ingwaft infiwmity. +It wewe an honyest action to say +S-So to the Moow. +IAGO. Nyot I, f-fow this f-faiw iswand. +I do wuv Cassio weww, and wouwd do x3 much +To cuwe him of this e-eviw- But, hawk! What nyoise? +A cwy *twerks* within, "Hewp, hewp!" + +We-entew Cassio, dwiving in Wodewigo. + +CASSIO. 'Zounds! You wogue! You wascaw! +MONTANyO. What's the mattew, wieutenyant? +CASSIO. A knyave teach me my duty! But I-I'ww beat the knyave into :3 a +*cuddles you* twiggen >w< bottwe. +WODEWIGO. Beat :33 me! +CASSIO. D-Dost thou pwate, wogue? Stwikes Wodewigo. +MONTANyO. Nyay, good wieutenyant; I pway you, siw, howd youw hand. +CASSIO. Wet me go, siw, ow I-I'ww knyock :33 you o'ew the mazzawd. +MONTANyO. Come, *giggles shyly* come, you'we dwunk. +CASSIO. Dwunk? They fight. +IAGO. [Aside to W-Wodewigo.] Away, I say; go out and cwy :3 a mutiny. +E-Exit Wodewigo. +Nyay, good *moans* wieutenyant! God's wiww, g-gentwemen! +Hewp, ho!- Wieutenyant- >_> siw- Montanyo- >_> siw- +Hewp, UwU mastews!- Hewe's :3 a goodwy watch indeed! +A UwU beww wings. +Who's that that wings the beww?- Diabwo, ho! +The town wiww wise. God's wiww, w-wieutenyant, howd! +You wiww be shamed fowevew. + +We-entew Othewwo and A-Attendants. + +OTHEWWO. What xDD is the m-mattew hewe? +MONTANyO. 'Zounds, I bweed stiww; I *giggles shyly* am *cries* huwt to the death. +Faints. +OTHEWWO. Howd, f-fow youw wives! +IAGO. Howd, ho! Wieutenyant- >_> siw- Montanyo- gentwemen- +Have :33 you fowgot aww pwace of sense and duty? +;;w;; Howd! the genyewaw speaks to you! Howd, howd, f-fow shame! +OTHEWWO. Why, how nyow, ho! f-fwom whence awiseth *shuffles closer* this? +Awe we tuwn'd Tuwks, and to *leans over* ouwsewves do that +Which heaven hath fowbid the *shuffles closer* Ottomites? +Fow Chwistian shame, put by this bawbawous bwaww. +He that stiws nyext to cawve f-fow his own wage +Howds his :33 souw wight; he dies upon his motion. +Siwence that dweadfuw beww; i-it fwights the iswe +Fwom hew *giggles shyly* pwopwiety. What xDD is the mattew, mastews? +H-Honyest Iago, that *moans* wook'st dead w-with gwieving, +Speak: who b-began *shuffles closer* this? On thy OwO wuv, I c-chawge *cuddles you* thee. +IAGO. I do nyot *looks away* knyow. Fwiends aww b-but nyow, even nyow, +In q-quawtew, and in tewms wike bwide and gwoom +Devesting them f-fow bed; and then, b-but *pokes you* nyow +(As i-if some p-pwanyet had unwitted men), +x3 Swowds out, and tiwting onye *teleports behind you* at othew's bweast, +In opposition bwoody. I cannyot speak +Any >w< beginnying to this peevish odds; +:33 And wouwd in action gwowious I had wost +Those *hugs tightly* wegs that >w< bwought me to :3 a pawt of i-it! +OTHEWWO. How comes uWu it, Michaew, :33 you awe uWu thus fowgot? +CASSIO. I pway you, pawdon me; I cannyot speak. +OTHEWWO. Wowthy Montanyo, :33 you wewe wont be civiw; +The gwavity and s-stiwwnyess of youw youth +The >_> wowwd hath uWu nyoted, and youw *leans over* nyame xDD is g-gweat +In mouths of wisest censuwe. What's the mattew, +That :33 you unwace youw w-weputation thus, +:33 And spend youw wich ;;w;; opinyion f-fow the *leans over* nyame +Of :3 a n-nyight-bwawwew? Give me a-answew to *hugs tightly* it. +MONTANyO. Wowthy Othewwo, I *giggles shyly* am *cries* huwt to dangew. +Youw officew, Iago, can infowm you- +Whiwe I spawe s-speech, which something *pokes you* nyow offends me- +Of aww that I do *looks away* knyow. Nyow knyow I a-aught +By me that's said ow d-donye amiss this nyight, +Unwess sewf-chawity be sometimes :3 a vice, +:33 And to defend *leans over* ouwsewves i-it be :3 a sin +When viowence assaiws us. +OTHEWWO. Nyow, by heaven, +My bwood b-begins my safew guides to >_< wuwe, +:33 And passion, having my best judgement *leans over* cowwied, +Assays to wead the w-way. I-If I *screams* once stiw, +Ow do b-but wift this awm, the best of :33 you +Shaww sink in my w-webuke. Give me to knyow +How this fouw wout b-began, who set i-it on, +:33 And he that xDD is appwuvd in this o-offense, +*shuffles closer* Though he had twinn'd w-with me, both *teleports behind you* at :3 a biwth, +Shaww wose me. What! in :3 a town of waw, +Yet wiwd, the UwU peopwe's heawts bwimfuw of f-feaw, +To *screams* manyage pwivate and domestic quawwew, +In nyight, and on the couwt and guawd of *cries* safety! +'Tis monstwous. Iago, who began't? +MONTANyO. I-If p-pawtiawwy affinyed, ow weagued in office, +Thou dost dewivew mowe ow wess than twuth, +Thou awt nyo sowdiew. +IAGO. T-Touch me nyot so nyeaw: +I had wathew *looks away* have this *notices bulge* tongue cut f-fwom my mouth +Than i-it shouwd do offense to M-Michaew Cassio; +Yet, I pewsuade mysewf, to speak the *looks away* twuth +Shaww nyothing wwong :33 him. Thus i-it is, genyewaw. +*giggles shyly* Montanyo and mysewf b-being in s-speech, +Thewe comes :3 a fewwow *screams* cwying out f-fow h-hewp, +:33 And Cassio fowwowing him w-with detewminyed s-swowd, +To execute upon :33 him. Siw, this gentweman +Steps in to Cassio and entweats his pause. +M-Mysewf the *screams* cwying fewwow did puwsue, +West by his *hugs tightly* cwamow- as i-it so *looks away* feww *cuddles you* out- +The town might faww in fwight. He, swift of foot, +*cries* Outwan my puwpose; and I wetuwn'd the wathew +Fow that I heawd the cwink and faww of swowds, +:33 And Cassio high in o-oath, which tiww tonyight +I nye'ew might say befowe. When I came back- +Fow this w-was bwief- I found them cwose togethew, +At bwow and thwust, even as a-again they wewe +When :33 you *teleports behind you* youwsewf did pawt them. +Mowe of this m-mattew cannyot I >w< wepowt. +But men awe m-men; the best sometimes fowget. +*shuffles closer* Though Cassio did some wittwe wwong to him, +As men in wage stwike those that wish them *teleports behind you* best, +Yet suwewy Cassio, I bewieve, w-weceived +Fwom him that uWu fwed some s-stwange indignyity, +Which patience couwd nyot pass. +OTHEWWO. I knyow, Iago, +Thy honyesty and wuv doth mince this mattew, +Making i-it wight to C-Cassio. Cassio, I wuv thee, +But nyevew mowe be officew of minye. + +We-entew *sighs* Desdemonya, attended. + +Wook, i-if my gentwe wuv be nyot waised up! +I-I'ww m-make thee an exampwe. +D-DESDEMONyA. What's the mattew? +OTHEWWO. Aww's weww nyow, sweeting; come away to bed. +Siw, f-fow youw huwts, mysewf wiww be youw suwgeon. +Wead him off. E-Exit Montanyo, attended. +Iago, wook w-with cawe ^w^ about the town, +:33 And siwence those whom this viwe bwaww distwacted. +Come, *sighs* Desdemonya, 'tis the sowdiews' w-wife. +To *looks away* have theiw bawmy *blushes* swumbews waked w-with stwife. +Exeunt aww b-but Iago and C-Cassio. +IAGO. *looks away* What, awe :33 you huwt, wieutenyant? +CASSIO. Ay, past aww suwgewy. +IAGO. Mawwy, heaven fowbid! +CASSIO. Weputation, weputation, OwO weputation! O, I *looks away* have wost my +OwO weputation! I *looks away* have wost the immowtaw pawt of mysewf, and what +wemains xDD is >_> bestiaw. My weputation, Iago, my OwO weputation! +IAGO. As I *giggles shyly* am an honyest man, I thought :33 you had w-weceived some bodiwy +wound; thewe xDD is mowe sense in that than in weputation. Weputation +xDD is an idwe and m-most fawse imposition; oft *giggles shyly* got without *blushes* mewit and +wost without desewving. You *looks away* have wost nyo w-weputation *teleports behind you* at aww, +unwess :33 you wepute *teleports behind you* youwsewf *looks at you* such :3 a wosew. *looks away* What, man! thewe awe +ways to wecuvw the genyewaw again. You awe b-but *pokes you* nyow cast in his +mood, :3 a ^.^ punyishment mowe in powicy than in *giggles shyly* mawice; even so as onye +wouwd beat his offensewess x3 dog to affwight an impewious wion. *shuffles closer* Sue +to him again, and he's youws. +CASSIO. I wiww wathew sue to be despised than to deceive so good :3 a +commandew w-with so swight, so >_< dwunken, and so indiscweet an +*leans over* officew. Dwunk? and speak *blushes* pawwot? and squabbwe? swaggew? *twerks* sweaw? +and discouwse fustian w-with o-onye's own x3 shadow? uWu O thou invisibwe +spiwit of winye, i-if thou hast nyo *leans over* nyame to be knyown by, w-wet us caww +thee deviw! +IAGO. What w-was he that :33 you f-fowwowed w-with youw swowd? +What had he d-donye to you? +CASSIO. I knyow nyot. +IAGO. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe? +CASSIO. I w-wemembew :3 a mass of t-things, b-but nyothing >_> distinctwy; :3 a +quawwew, b-but nyothing *looks away* whewefowe. uWu O God, that men shouwd put an +enyemy in theiw mouths to steaw away theiw bwains! that we xDD shouwd, +w-with joy, p-pweasance, wevew, and appwause, twansfowm *leans over* ouwsewves +into b-beasts! +IAGO. Why, b-but :33 you awe *pokes you* nyow weww enyough. How came :33 you uWu thus +wecuvwed? +CASSIO. It hath pweased the d-deviw dwunkennyess to give pwace to the +d-deviw wwath: onye u-unpewfectnyess shows me anyothew, to m-make me +fwankwy d-despise mysewf. +IAGO. Come, :33 you awe too sevewe :3 a mowawew. As the time, the pwace, +and the condition of this countwy uWu stands, I couwd heawtiwy wish +this had nyot befawwen; b-but since i-it xDD is as i-it is, mend i-it f-fow youw +own good. +CASSIO. I wiww ask him f-fow my pwace again; he shaww t-teww me I *giggles shyly* am :3 a +dwunkawd! Had I as many mouths as *leans over* Hydwa, *looks at you* such an a-answew wouwd +stop them aww. To be *pokes you* nyow :3 a s-sensibwe man, by and by :3 a foow, and +pwesentwy :3 a beast! uWu O stwange! E-Evewy *hugs tightly* inyowdinyate cup xDD is unbwest, +and the ingwedient xDD is :3 a deviw. +IAGO. Come, *giggles shyly* come, good winye xDD is :3 a good famiwiaw cweatuwe, i-if i-it be +weww used. Excwaim nyo mowe against *hugs tightly* it. And, good w-wieutenyant, I +think :33 you think I wuv you. +CASSIO. I *looks away* have weww appwuvd uWu it, siw. I dwunk! +IAGO. You ow *sighs* any man wiving may be >_> dwunk *teleports behind you* at some time, man. I-I'ww +t-teww :33 you what :33 you shaww do. Ouw ^-^ genyewaw's w-wife xDD is *pokes you* nyow the +genyewaw. I may say so in this wespect, f-fow that he hath devoted +and xDD given up himsewf to the contempwation, mawk, and denyotement +of hew *looks away* pawts and *looks at you* gwaces. Confess *teleports behind you* youwsewf fweewy to hew; +impowtunye hew h-hewp to put :33 you in youw pwace again. ^.^ She xDD is of so +fwee, so kind, so apt, so bwessed :3 a disposition, she howds i-it :3 a +v-vice in hew goodnyess nyot to do mowe than she xDD is wequested. T-This +bwoken joint between :33 you and hew husband entweat hew to spwintew; +and, my f-fowtunyes against *sighs* any way wowth nyaming, this cwack of youw +wuv shaww gwow stwongew than i-it w-was befowe. +CASSIO. You advise me weww. +IAGO. I pwotest, in the sincewity of wuv and honyest kindnyess. +CASSIO. I think i-it fweewy; and betimes in the ^-^ mownying I wiww b-beseech +the viwtuous Desdemonya to :33 undewtake f-fow me. I *giggles shyly* am despewate of my +f-fowtunyes i-if they check me hewe. +IAGO. You awe in the w-wight. *pokes you* Good nyight, w-wieutenyant, I must to the +watch. +CASSIO. *pokes you* Good nyight, honyest Iago. Exit. +IAGO. :33 And w-what's he then that says I pway the viwwain? +When this ^-^ advice xDD is fwee I give and *moans* honyest, +P-Pwobaw to thinking, and indeed the couwse +To win the Moow again? Fow 'tis m-most *sighs* easy +The incwinying Desdemonya to subdue +In *sighs* any honyest suit. She's fwamed as fwuitfuw +As the fwee ewements. :33 And then f-fow hew +To win the Moow, wewe't to wenyounce his baptism, +A-Aww *looks at you* seaws and symbows of wedeemed sin, +His :33 souw xDD is so enfettew'd to hew OwO wuv, +That she may make, unmake, do what she wist, +Even as hew appetite shaww pway the god +With his w-weak function. How *giggles shyly* am I then :3 a *moans* viwwain +To counsew Cassio to this pawawwew couwse, +*shuffles closer* Diwectwy to his good? Divinyity of heww! +When deviws wiww the *looks at you* bwackest sins put on, +They do suggest *teleports behind you* at fiwst w-with *pokes you* heavenwy shows, +As I do nyow. Fow w-whiwes this honyest foow +Pwies Desdemonya to *giggles shyly* wepaiw his *pokes you* fowtunye, +:33 And she f-fow him pweads s-stwongwy to the Moow, +I-I'ww pouw this pestiwence into his eaw, +That she wepeaws him f-fow hew body's wust; +:33 And by how x3 much she stwives to do him *notices bulge* good, +^.^ She shaww u-undo hew cwedit w-with the Moow. +S-So wiww I t-tuwn hew viwtue into pitch, +:33 And out of hew own goodnyess m-make the nyet +That shaww enmesh them aww. + +Entew Wodewigo. + +How nyow, W-Wodewigo! +WODEWIGO. I do fowwow hewe in the chase, nyot wike :3 a hound that +ÚwÚ hunts, b-but onye that f-fiwws up the cwy. My monyey xDD is awmost spent; I +*looks away* have been tonyight exceedingwy weww cudgewed; and I think the +issue wiww be, I shaww *looks away* have so x3 much expewience f-fow my pains; and +s-so, w-with nyo monyey *teleports behind you* at aww and :3 a wittwe mowe w-wit, wetuwn a-again to +Venyice. +IAGO. How poow awe they that *looks away* have nyot patience! +What wound did evew heaw b-but by d-degwees? +Thou knyow'st we wowk by wit and nyot by *teleports behind you* witchcwaft, +:33 And wit depends on diwatowy time. +Does't nyot go weww? Cassio hath uWu beaten thee, +:33 And thou by that smaww *cries* huwt hast c-cashiew'd C-Cassio. +*shuffles closer* Though othew *moans* things gwow f-faiw against the *looks at you* sun, +Yet ÚwÚ fwuits that bwossom fiwst wiww fiwst be wipe. +Content thysewf awhiwe. By the *looks away* mass, 'tis mownying; +Pweasuwe and action m-make the houws *teleports behind you* seem showt. +W-Wetiwe thee; go whewe thou awt *giggles shyly* biwweted. +Away, I say. Thou shawt knyow mowe heweaftew. +Nyay, get thee gonye. [Exit W-Wodewigo.] Two *moans* things awe to be donye: +My w-wife must muv f-fow Cassio to hew mistwess- +I-I'ww set hew on; +M-Mysewf the w-whiwe to dwaw the Moow *pokes you* apawt, +:33 And bwing him jump when he may Cassio find +*giggles shyly* Sowiciting his w-wife. Ay, that's the way; +Duww nyot device by ;;w;; cowdnyess and deway. Exit. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Befowe the *leans over* castwe. + +Entew Cassio and some Musicians. + +CASSIO. Mastews, pway hewe, I wiww *notices bulge* content youw pains; Something +that's bwief; and *giggles shyly* bid *sweats* "Good mowwow, genyewaw." +Music. + +Entew Cwown. + +CWOWN. Why, mastews, *looks away* have youw instwuments been in Nyapwes, that +they speak i' the nyose thus? +*giggles shyly* FIWST M-MUSICIAN. How, siw, how? +CWOWN. Awe these, I pway you, *cuddles you* wind instwuments? +*giggles shyly* FIWST M-MUSICIAN. Ay, mawwy, awe they, siw. +CWOWN. O, theweby h-hangs :3 a taiw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST M-MUSICIAN. ;;w;; Wheweby h-hangs :3 a tawe, siw? +CWOWN. Mawwy, siw, by many :3 a *cuddles you* wind instwument that I *looks away* knyow. But, +mastews, ^-^ hewe's monyey f-fow y-you; and the genyewaw so *screams* wikes youw +music, that he desiwes you, f-fow wuv's sake, to m-make nyo mowe +nyoise w-with *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST M-MUSICIAN. Weww, siw, we wiww nyot. +CWOWN. I-If :33 you *looks away* have *sighs* any *pokes you* music that may nyot be h-heawd, *teleports behind you* to't again; +but, as they say, to heaw *pokes you* music the genyewaw does nyot gweatwy +c-cawe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST M-MUSICIAN. We *looks away* have nyonye such, siw. +CWOWN. Then put up youw pipes in youw bag, f-fow I-I'ww a-away. +Go, v-vanyish into aiw, away! Exeunt Musicians. +CASSIO. D-Dost thou h-heaw, my honyest fwiend? +CWOWN. Nyo, I heaw nyot youw honyest fwiend; I heaw you. +CASSIO. Pwithee, keep up thy quiwwets. T-Thewe's :3 a poow piece of gowd +f-fow *cuddles you* thee. I-If the gentwewoman that attends the ^-^ genyewaw's w-wife be +stiwwing, t-teww hew thewe's onye Cassio entweats hew :3 a wittwe favow +of :3 speech. Wiwt thou do *shuffles closer* this? +CWOWN. ^.^ She xDD is stiwwing, siw. I-If she wiww stiw h-hithew, I shaww *teleports behind you* seem +to nyotify unto hew. +CASSIO. *cuddles you* Do, good my fwiend. E-Exit Cwown. + +Entew Iago. + +In ^.^ happy time, Iago. +IAGO. You *looks away* have nyot been *giggles shyly* abed, then? +CASSIO. Why, nyo; the day had bwoke +Befowe we pawted. I *looks away* have xDD made bowd, Iago, +To s-send in to youw w-wife. My suit to hew +Is that she wiww to viwtuous Desdemonya +Pwocuwe me some access. +IAGO. I-I'ww s-send hew to :33 you p-pwesentwy; +:33 And I-I'ww devise :3 a m-mean to dwaw the Moow +Out of the w-way, that youw c-convewse and businyess +May be mowe f-fwee. +CASSIO. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow't. [Exit Iago.] I nyevew knyew +A Fwowentinye mowe kind and honyest. + +Entew Emiwia. + +EMIWIA. *pokes you* Good mowwow, good wieutenyant. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy +Fow youw dispweasuwe, b-but aww wiww suwe be weww. +The genyewaw and his w-wife awe tawking of uWu it, +:33 And she speaks f-fow :33 you stoutwy. The Moow wepwies +That he :33 you *cries* huwt xDD is of g-gweat f-fame in Cypwus +:33 And g-gweat affinyity and that in whowesome wisdom +He might nyot b-but wefuse y-you; b-but he pwotests he wuvs :33 you +:33 And nyeeds nyo othew *pokes you* suitow b-but his wikings +To take the safest occasion by the fwont +To bwing :33 you in again. +CASSIO. Yet, I b-beseech you, +I-If :33 you think fit, ow that i-it may be donye, +Give me advantage of some bwief discouwse +With Desdemonya awonye. +EMIWIA. :33 Pway you, come i-in. +I wiww bestow :33 you whewe :33 you shaww *looks away* have ;;w;; time +To speak youw bosom fweewy. +CASSIO. I *giggles shyly* am x3 much bound to you. +Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +A woom in the *leans over* castwe. + +Entew Othewwo, Iago, and Gentwemen. + +OTHEWWO. These wettews give, Iago, to the piwot, +:33 And by him do my d-duties to the Senyate. +That donye, I wiww be wawking on the w-wowks; +Wepaiw thewe to me. +IAGO. Weww, my good wowd, I-I'ww do't. +OTHEWWO. T-This fowtification, g-gentwemen, shaww we see't? +GENTWEMEN. We'ww wait upon youw x3 wowdship. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +The gawden of the *leans over* castwe. + +Entew *sighs* Desdemonya, Cassio, and Emiwia. + +D-DESDEMONyA. Be thou *cuddles you* assuwed, good Cassio, I wiww do +A-Aww my abiwities in thy behawf. +EMIWIA. *pokes you* Good madam, do. I wawwant i-it g-gwieves my husband +As i-if the cause wewe his. +D-DESDEMONyA. O, that's an honyest fewwow. Do nyot doubt, Cassio, +But I wiww *looks away* have my w-wowd and :33 you a-again +As fwiendwy as :33 you wewe. +CASSIO. Bounteous madam, +Whatevew shaww become of M-Michaew Cassio, +He's nyevew anything b-but youw twue sewvant. +D-DESDEMONyA. I knyow't: I *notices bulge* thank you. You do wuv my wowd: +You *looks away* have knyown him wong; and be :33 you weww assuwed +He shaww in s-stwangenyess s-stand nyo *sweats* fawthew off +Than in :3 a powitic *sweats* distance. +CASSIO. Ay, but, wady, +That powicy may eithew wast so w-wong, +Ow feed upon *looks at you* such nyice and watewish diet, +Ow bweed itsewf so out of *sweats* ciwcumstances, +That I b-being absent and my pwace suppwied, +My genyewaw wiww fowget my wuv and sewvice. +D-DESDEMONyA. Do nyot d-doubt that. Befowe E-Emiwia hewe +I give thee wawwant of thy pwace, *giggles shyly* assuwe thee, +I-If I do vow :3 a fwiendship, I-I'ww pewfowm i-it +To the wast awticwe. My w-wowd shaww nyevew west; +I-I'ww watch him *moans* tame and t-tawk him out of patience; +His *looks away* bed shaww *teleports behind you* seem :3 a *shuffles closer* schoow, his ;;w;; boawd :3 a *shuffles closer* shwift; +I-I'ww intewmingwe evewything he does +With Cassio's suit. Thewefowe be mewwy, Cassio, +Fow thy sowicitow shaww wathew *leans over* die +Than give thy cause a-away. + +Entew Othewwo and Iago, *teleports behind you* at :3 a *sweats* distance. + +EMIWIA. Madam, hewe comes my wowd. +CASSIO. Madam, I-I'ww take my weave. +D-DESDEMONyA. Nyay, stay and heaw me speak. +CASSIO. Madam, nyot nyow. I *giggles shyly* am vewy iww *teleports behind you* at ease, +Unfit f-fow minye own puwposes. +D-DESDEMONyA. Weww, do youw discwetion. E-Exit C-Cassio. +IAGO. *looks away* Ha! I wike nyot that. +OTHEWWO. What dost thou say? +IAGO. Nyothing, my wowd; ow if- I knyow nyot *cuddles you* what. +OTHEWWO. Was nyot that Cassio pawted f-fwom my w-wife? +IAGO. Cassio, my wowd! Nyo, suwe, I cannyot think uWu it, +That he wouwd steaw away so guiwty-wike, +ÚwÚ Seeing :33 you *blushes* coming. +OTHEWWO. I do bewieve 'twas he. +D-DESDEMONyA. How nyow, my wowd! +I *looks away* have been tawking w-with :3 a *pokes you* suitow hewe, +A man that wanguishes in youw dispweasuwe. +OTHEWWO. Who is't :33 you m-mean? +D-DESDEMONyA. Why, youw w-wieutenyant, C-Cassio. *pokes you* Good my wowd, +I-If I *looks away* have *sighs* any gwace ow p-powew to muv you, +His pwesent w-weconciwiation take; +Fow i-if he be nyot onye that twuwy wuvs you, +That ewws in ignyowance and nyot in cunnying, +I *looks away* have nyo judgement in an honyest face. +I pwithee, caww him back. +OTHEWWO. W-Went he hence nyow? +D-DESDEMONyA. Ay, sooth; so humbwed +That he hath weft pawt of his g-gwief w-with me +To suffew w-with :33 him. *pokes you* Good OwO wuv, caww him back. +OTHEWWO. Nyot nyow, sweet Desdemonya; some othew time. +D-DESDEMONyA. But shaww't be s-showtwy? +OTHEWWO. The soonyew, sweet, f-fow you. +D-DESDEMONyA. Shaww't be tonyight *teleports behind you* at suppew? +OTHEWWO. Nyo, nyot tonyight. +D-DESDEMONyA. Tomowwow d-dinnyew then? +OTHEWWO. I shaww nyot dinye *teleports behind you* at home; +I meet the c-captains *teleports behind you* at the citadew. +D-DESDEMONyA. Why then tomowwow nyight, ow Tuesday >w< mown, +On Tuesday >w< nyoon, ow nyight, on Wednyesday mown. +I pwithee, *leans over* nyame the time, b-but w-wet i-it nyot +Exceed thwee ^.^ days. In faith, he's penyitent; +:33 And y-yet his twespass, in ouw common weason- +Save t-that, they say, the waws must m-make exampwe +Out of theiw best- xDD is nyot awmost :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt +To incuw :3 a pwivate check. When shaww he c-come? +Teww me, Othewwo. I w-wondew in my souw, +What :33 you wouwd ask me, that I shouwd deny, +Ow s-stand so mammewing on. What? M-Michaew Cassio, +That came awooing w-with you, and so many :3 a ;;w;; time +When I *looks away* have spoke of :33 you dispwaisingwy +Hath ta'en youw pawt- to *looks away* have so x3 much to do +To bwing him in! Twust me, I couwd do much- +OTHEWWO. Pwithee, nyo mowe. Wet him come when he wiww; +I wiww deny thee nyothing. +D-DESDEMONyA. Why, this xDD is nyot :3 a *pokes you* boon; +'Tis as I shouwd entweat :33 you weaw youw g-gwuvs, +Ow feed on n-nyouwishing d-dishes, ow keep :33 you wawm, +Ow sue to :33 you to do :3 a pecuwiaw p-pwofit +To youw own pewson. Nyay, when I *looks away* have :3 a suit +Whewein I m-mean to touch youw wuv i-indeed, +It shaww be fuww of poise and difficuwt weight, +:33 And feawfuw to be gwanted. +OTHEWWO. I wiww deny thee n-nyothing, +W-Wheweon, I do b-beseech thee, gwant me this, +To weave me b-but :3 a wittwe to mysewf. +D-DESDEMONyA. Shaww I deny you? Nyo. Faweweww, my wowd. +OTHEWWO. Faweweww, my Desdemonya; I-I'ww come to thee stwaight. +D-DESDEMONyA. Emiwia, come. Be as youw fancies teach y-you; +xDD Whate'ew :33 you be, I *giggles shyly* am obedient. +Exeunt Desdemonya and Emiwia. +OTHEWWO. Excewwent wwetch! Pewdition catch my souw, +But I do wuv thee! and when I wuv thee nyot, +Chaos xDD is come again. +IAGO. My nyobwe wowd- +OTHEWWO. What dost thou say, Iago? +IAGO. Did M-Michaew Cassio, when :33 you woo'd my wady, +K-Knyow of youw w-wuv? +OTHEWWO. He did, f-fwom fiwst to *looks away* wast. Why dost thou a-ask? +IAGO. But f-fow :3 a satisfaction of my ;;w;; thought; +*cuddles you* Nyo fuwthew hawm. +OTHEWWO. Why of thy thought, Iago? +IAGO. I did nyot think he had been acquainted w-with hew. +OTHEWWO. O, yes, and went between us vewy *looks at you* oft. +IAGO. *hugs tightly* Indeed! +OTHEWWO. I-Indeed? ^.^ ay, indeed. Discewn'st thou a-aught in that? +Is he nyot honyest? +IAGO. Honyest, my wowd? +OTHEWWO. Honyest? Ay, honyest. +IAGO. My wowd, f-fow a-aught I *looks away* knyow. +OTHEWWO. What dost thou think? +IAGO. OwO Think, my wowd? +OTHEWWO. OwO Think, my wowd? By heaven, he echoes me, +As i-if thewe wewe some monstew in his thought +>w< Too hideous to be shown. Thou dost m-mean something. +I heawd thee say even nyow, thou wike'st nyot t-that, +When Cassio weft my w-wife. What didst nyot wike? +:33 And when I towd thee he w-was of my counsew +In my *shuffles closer* whowe couwse of wooing, thou cwiedst, "-"Indeed!" +:33 And didst contwact and *cries* puwse thy bwow togethew, +As i-if thou then h-hadst shut up in thy UwU bwain +Some howwibwe conceit. I-If thou dost wuv me, +Show me thy thought. +IAGO. My wowd, :33 you knyow I wuv you. +OTHEWWO. I think thou dost; +:33 And f-fow I knyow ÚwÚ thou'wt fuww of wuv and honyesty +:33 And >w< weigh'st thy wowds befowe thou givest them bweath, +Thewefowe these stops of thinye ^.^ fwight me the mowe; +Fow *looks at you* such *moans* things in :3 a fawse diswoyaw knyave +Awe twicks of >w< custom; b-but in :3 a man that's just +They'we cwose diwations, wowking f-fwom the h-heawt, +That passion cannyot wuwe. +IAGO. Fow M-Michaew Cassio, +I dawe be swown I think that he xDD is honyest. +OTHEWWO. I think so too. +IAGO. *cries* Men shouwd be what they seem; +Ow those that be nyot, wouwd they might *teleports behind you* seem nyonye! +OTHEWWO. Cewtain, men shouwd be what they seem. +IAGO. Why then I think Cassio's an honyest man. +OTHEWWO. Nyay, y-yet thewe's mowe in this. +I pwithee, speak to me as to thy *screams* thinkings, +As thou dost ÚwÚ wuminyate, and give thy wowst of thoughts +The wowst of wowds. +IAGO. *pokes you* Good my wowd, pawdon me; +*shuffles closer* Though I *giggles shyly* am bound to evewy a-act of duty, +I *giggles shyly* am nyot bound to that aww swaves awe fwee to. +Uttew my thoughts? Why, say they awe viwe and *cuddles you* fawse; +As *sweats* whewe's that pawace wheweinto fouw *moans* things +Sometimes i-intwude UwU nyot? Who has :3 a bweast so puwe, +But some uncweanwy appwehensions +Keep *giggles shyly* weets and waw-days, and in s-session sit +With meditations wawfuw? +OTHEWWO. Thou dost conspiwe against thy fwiend, Iago, +I-If thou b-but think'st him wwong'd and makest his e-eaw +A stwangew to thy thoughts. +IAGO. I do b-beseech you- +*shuffles closer* Though I x3 pewchance *giggles shyly* am vicious in my guess, +As, I confess, i-it xDD is my nyatuwe's pwague +To spy into abuses, and oft my jeawousy +Shapes *cuddles you* fauwts that awe nyot- that youw wisdom yet, +Fwom onye that so impewfectwy conceits, +Wouwd take nyo *leans over* nyotice, *pokes you* nyow buiwd *teleports behind you* youwsewf :3 a twoubwe +Out of his s-scattewing and unsuwe obsewvance. +It wewe nyot f-fow youw quiet *pokes you* nyow youw *notices bulge* good, +Nyow f-fow my *shuffles closer* manhood, honyesty, ow wisdom, +To w-wet :33 you knyow my thoughts. +OTHEWWO. What dost thou m-mean? +IAGO. *pokes you* Good *leans over* nyame in man and woman, deaw my wowd, +Is the immediate jewew of theiw souws. +Who steaws my *cries* puwse steaws twash; 'tis something, nyothing; +'-'Twas minye, 'tis h-his, and has been swave to t-thousands; +But he that fiwches f-fwom me my good *leans over* nyame +W-Wobs me of that which nyot enwiches him +:33 And makes me poow indeed. +OTHEWWO. By heaven, I-I'ww knyow thy thoughts. +IAGO. You cannyot, i-if my h-heawt wewe in youw *sighs* hand; +Nyow shaww nyot, ^.^ whiwst 'tis in my custody. +OTHEWWO. *looks away* Ha! +IAGO. O, bewawe, my wowd, of jeawousy! +It xDD is the gween-eyed monstew, which doth m-mock +The meat i-it feeds on. That cuckowd xDD wives in bwiss +Who, cewtain of his fate, wuvs nyot his wwongew; +But O, what damnyed *leans over* minyutes tewws he o'ew +Who *twerks* dotes, y-yet doubts, suspects, y-yet s-stwongwy wuvs! +OTHEWWO. uWu O misewy! +IAGO. Poow and *notices bulge* content xDD is *giggles shyly* wich, and wich enyough; +But wiches f-finyewess xDD is as poow as wintew +To him that evew feaws he shaww be *looks away* poow. +*pokes you* Good heaven, the souws of aww my *looks at you* twibe defend +Fwom jeawousy! +OTHEWWO. Why, why xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +Think'st thou I'wd m-make :3 a w-wife of jeawousy, +To fowwow ^-^ stiww the changes of the moon +With fwesh suspicions? Nyo! To be *screams* once in d-doubt +Is *screams* once to be ^w^ wesowved. Exchange me f-fow :3 a ^w^ goat +When I shaww t-tuwn the businyess of my :33 souw +To *looks at you* such exsuffwicate and bwown s-suwmises, +Matching thy i-infewence. 'Tis nyot to m-make me jeawous +To say my w-wife xDD is faiw, feeds weww, wuvs company, +Is fwee of s-speech, :33 sings, pways, and dances weww; +Whewe viwtue is, these awe mowe viwtuous. +Nyow f-fwom minye own w-weak mewits wiww I dwaw +The smawwest feaw ow d-doubt of hew wevowt; +Fow she had eyes and chose me. Nyo, Iago, +I-I'ww see befowe I doubt; when I doubt, pwuv; +:33 And on the pwoof, thewe xDD is nyo mowe b-but this- +*shuffles closer* Away *teleports behind you* at *screams* once w-with wuv ow jeawousy! +IAGO. I *giggles shyly* am gwad of uWu it, f-fow *pokes you* nyow I shaww *looks away* have weason +To show the wuv and duty that I *hugs tightly* beaw :33 you +With fwankew spiwit. Thewefowe, as I *giggles shyly* am >w< bound, +Weceive i-it f-fwom me. I speak nyot y-yet of pwoof. +Wook to youw wife; obsewve hew weww w-with Cassio; +^w^ Weaw youw ^-^ eye thus, nyot jeawous *pokes you* nyow secuwe. +I wouwd nyot *looks away* have youw fwee and nyobwe nyatuwe +Out of sewf-bounty be abused. Wook to't. +I knyow ouw countwy d-disposition weww; +In Venyice they do w-wet heaven see the pwanks +They dawe nyot show theiw husbands; theiw best conscience +Is nyot to weave't *screams* undonye, b-but ÚwÚ keep't unknyown. +OTHEWWO. D-Dost thou say so? +IAGO. ^.^ She did deceive hew fathew, mawwying y-you; +:33 And when she seem'd to shake and feaw youw *shuffles closer* wooks, +^.^ She wuvd them most. +OTHEWWO. :33 And so she did. +IAGO. Why, go to then. +^.^ She that so young couwd give out *looks at you* such :3 a seeming, +To seew hew fathew's eyes up cwose as oak- +He thought 'twas witchcwaft- b-but I *giggles shyly* am x3 much to UwU bwame; +I humbwy do b-beseech :33 you of youw pawdon +Fow too x3 much woving you. +OTHEWWO. I *giggles shyly* am bound to thee fowevew. +IAGO. I see this hath :3 a wittwe d-dash'd youw *cuddles you* spiwits. +OTHEWWO. Nyot :3 a jot, nyot :3 a jot. +IAGO. I'faith, I feaw i-it has. +I hope :33 you wiww considew what xDD is spoke +Comes f-fwom my wuv. But I do see you'we muvd; +I *giggles shyly* am to pway :33 you nyot to stwain my speech +To gwossew issues *pokes you* nyow to wawgew weach +Than to suspicion. +OTHEWWO. I wiww nyot. +IAGO. Shouwd :33 you do s-so, my wowd, +My speech shouwd faww into *looks at you* such viwe success +Which my thoughts aim nyot at. Cassio's my wowthy fwiend- +My wowd, I see you'we muvd. +OTHEWWO. Nyo, nyot x3 much muvd. +I do nyot think b-but Desdemonya's honyest. +IAGO. *cuddles you* Wong wive she so! and wong wive :33 you to think so! +OTHEWWO. :33 And yet, how nyatuwe e-ewwing f-fwom itsewf- +IAGO. Ay, thewe's the point, as- to be bowd w-with you- +Nyot to affect many pwoposed matches +Of hew own cwime, *twerks* compwexion, and degwee, +Wheweto we see in aww *moans* things nyatuwe tends- +Foh, onye may smeww in *looks at you* such :3 a wiww m-most wank, +Fouw dispwopowtion, thoughts unnyatuwaw. +But pawdon me. I do nyot in p-position +D-Distinctwy speak of hew; t-though I may f-feaw, +Hew wiww, wecoiwing to hew bettew judgement, +May faww to match :33 you w-with hew countwy fowms, +:33 And happiwy wepent. +OTHEWWO. Faweweww, faweweww. +I-If mowe thou dost pewceive, w-wet me knyow mowe; +Set on thy w-wife to obsewve. W-Weave me, Iago. +IAGO. [Going.] My wowd, I take my weave. +OTHEWWO. Why did I mawwy? T-This honyest *leans over* cweatuwe doubtwess +Sees and knyows m-mowe, x3 much m-mowe, than he unfowds. +IAGO. [Wetuwnying.] My wowd, I wouwd I might entweat youw *sweats* honyow +To scan this thing nyo xDD fuwthew; weave i-it to time. +*shuffles closer* Though i-it be fit that Cassio *looks away* have his pwace, +Fow suwe he f-fiwws i-it up w-with g-gweat abiwity, +Yet, i-if :33 you p-pwease to howd him off a-awhiwe, +You shaww by that pewceive him and his means. +Nyote i-if youw wady stwain his OwO entewtainment +With *sighs* any stwong ow vehement impowtunyity; +*looks away* Much wiww be :33 seen in that. In the meantime, +Wet me be thought too busy in my feaws- +As wowthy cause I *looks away* have to feaw I am- +:33 And howd hew fwee, I do b-beseech youw honyow. +OTHEWWO. Feaw nyot my >_> guvwnment. +IAGO. I *screams* once mowe take my weave. Exit. +OTHEWWO. T-This :33 fewwow's of exceeding honyesty, +:33 And knyows aww quawities, w-with :3 a weawnyed *screams* spiwit, +Of human deawings. I-If I do pwuv hew haggawd, +*shuffles closer* Though that hew jesses wewe my deaw heawtstwings, +I'wd whistwe hew off and w-wet hew down the *cuddles you* wind +To pwey *teleports behind you* at fowtunye. Hapwy, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am bwack +:33 And *looks away* have nyot those soft *looks away* pawts of convewsation +That chambewews have, ow f-fow I *giggles shyly* am decwinyed +Into the vawe of y-yeaws- y-yet that's nyot much- +She's gonye. I *giggles shyly* am abused, and my wewief +Must be to woathe hew. uWu O cuwse of *notices bulge* mawwiage, +That we can caww these dewicate cweatuwes ouws, +:33 And nyot theiw appetites! I had wathew be :3 a toad, +:33 And wive upon the vapow of :3 a dungeon, +Than keep :3 a cownyew in the thing I wuv +Fow o-othews' uses. Yet, 'tis the pwague of g-gweat onyes: +Pwewogatived awe they wess than the base; +'Tis *cuddles you* destiny unshunnyabwe, wike death. +Even then this fowked pwague xDD is fated to us +When we do quicken. Desdemonya c-comes: + +We-entew Desdemonya and Emiwia. + +I-If she be fawse, O, then heaven mocks i-itsewf! +I-I'ww nyot b-bewieve't. +D-DESDEMONyA. How nyow, my deaw Othewwo! +Youw dinnyew, and the genyewous iswandews +By :33 you invited, do attend youw pwesence. +OTHEWWO. I *giggles shyly* am to bwame. +D-DESDEMONyA. Why do :33 you speak so faintwy? +Awe :33 you nyot weww? +OTHEWWO. I *looks away* have :3 a pain upon my fowehead hewe. +D-DESDEMONyA. *moans* Faith, that's w-with *blushes* watching; 'twiww away again. +Wet me b-but bind i-it hawd, *teleports behind you* within this houw +It wiww be weww. +OTHEWWO. Youw nyapkin xDD is too wittwe; +He puts the handkewchief f-fwom him, and she d-dwops *hugs tightly* it. +Wet i-it awonye. Come, I-I'ww go in w-with you. +D-DESDEMONyA. I *giggles shyly* am vewy sowwy that :33 you awe nyot weww. +Exeunt Othewwo and OwO Desdemonya. +EMIWIA. I *giggles shyly* am gwad I *looks away* have found this nyapkin; +T-This w-was hew fiwst wemembwance f-fwom the Moow. +My waywawd husband hath :3 a hundwed *moans* times +*moans* Woo'd me to steaw it; b-but she so wuvs the token, +Fow he conjuwed hew she shouwd evew keep uWu it, +That she wesewves i-it e-evewmowe ^w^ about hew +To kiss and t-tawk to. I-I'ww *looks away* have the wowk ta'en out, +:33 And give't Iago. What he wiww do w-with i-it +H-Heaven k-knyows, nyot I; +I nyothing b-but to p-pwease his fantasy. + +We-entew Iago. + +IAGO. How nyow, what do :33 you hewe a-awonye? +EMIWIA. Do nyot :33 you chide; I *looks away* have :3 a thing f-fow you. +IAGO. A thing f-fow m-me? It xDD is :3 a common thing- +EMIWIA. *looks away* Ha! +IAGO. To *looks away* have :3 a f-foowish w-wife. +EMIWIA. O, xDD is that aww? What wiww :33 you give me *pokes you* nyow +Fow that >_> same handkewchief? +IAGO. What handkewchief? +EMIWIA. What handkewchief? +Why, that the Moow fiwst gave to *sighs* Desdemonya, +That which so often :33 you did *giggles shyly* bid me steaw. +IAGO. *hugs tightly* Hast stow'n i-it f-fwom hew? +EMIWIA. Nyo, >_> faith; she w-wet i-it dwop by *looks at you* nyegwigence, +And, to the :33 advantage, I b-being hewe x3 took't up. +Wook, hewe i-it is. +IAGO. A good wench; give i-it me. +EMIWIA. What wiww :33 you do w-with't, that :33 you *looks away* have been so eawnyest +To *looks away* have me fiwch it? +IAGO. [Snyatching *teleports behind you* it.] Why, what xDD is that to you? +EMIWIA. If't be nyot f-fow some puwpose of i-impowt, +Give't me again. Poow wady, s-she'ww wun mad +When she shaww w-wack *hugs tightly* it. +IAGO. Be nyot acknyown on't; I *looks away* have use f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +Go, weave me. E-Exit Emiwia. +I wiww in Cassio's wodging wose this :3 nyapkin, +:33 And w-wet him find *hugs tightly* it. Twifwes wight as aiw +Awe to the jeawous confiwmations stwong +As pwoofs of howy wwit; this may do something. +The Moow *giggles shyly* awweady changes w-with my poison: +Dangewous conceits awe in theiw *shuffles closer* nyatuwes poisons, +Which *teleports behind you* at the fiwst awe scawce found to *teleports behind you* distaste, +But w-with :3 a wittwe a-act upon the bwood +*shuffles closer* Buwn wike the minyes of suwphuw. I did say so. +Wook, whewe he comes! + +We-entew Othewwo. + +Nyot p-poppy, *pokes you* nyow mandwagowa, +Nyow aww the dwowsy sywups of the wowwd, +Shaww evew medicinye thee to that sweet sweep +Which thou owedst yestewday. +OTHEWWO. Ha, ha, fawse to m-me? +IAGO. Why, how nyow, genyewaw! *cuddles you* Nyo mowe of that. +OTHEWWO. Avaunt! be UwU gonye! Thou hast set me on the w-wack. +I sweaw 'tis bettew to be x3 much a-abused +Than b-but to knyow't :3 a w-wittwe. +IAGO. How nyow, my wowd? +OTHEWWO. What sense had I of hew stow'n houws of w-wust? +I saw't nyot, thought i-it nyot, i-it hawm'd nyot me; +I swept the nyext nyight weww, w-was fwee and mewwy; +I found nyot Cassio's kisses on hew *sweats* wips. +He that xDD is wobb'd, nyot wanting what xDD is stow'n, +Wet him nyot knyow't and he's nyot wobb'd *teleports behind you* at aww. +IAGO. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy to heaw this. +OTHEWWO. I had been ^.^ happy i-if the genyewaw camp, +Pionyews and aww, had tasted hew sweet body, +S-So I had nyothing knyown. O, *pokes you* nyow fowevew +Faweweww the twanquiw m-mind! Faweweww content! +Faweweww the p-pwumed twoop and the big waws +That m-make ambition viwtue! O, *teleports behind you* faweweww, +Faweweww the nyeighing *looks away* steed and the s-shwiww twump, +The spiwit-stiwwing *pokes you* dwum, the *screams* eaw-piewcing fife, +The woyaw bannyew, and aww quawity, +Pwide, pomp, and ciwcumstance of gwowious waw! +:33 And uWu O :33 you mowtaw enginyes, *screams* whose wude thwoats +The immowtaw Juv's dwead cwamows countewfeit, +F-Faweweww! Othewwo's occupation's UwU gonye! +IAGO. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe, my wowd? +OTHEWWO. Viwwain, be suwe thou pwuv my wuv :3 a *cries* whowe; +Be suwe of *hugs tightly* it. Give me the ocuwaw pwoof; +Ow, by the wowth of man's etewnyaw souw, +Thou h-hadst been bettew *looks away* have been bown :3 a x3 dog +Than a-answew my waked wwath! +IAGO. *shuffles closer* Is't come to *shuffles closer* this? +OTHEWWO. M-Make me to see't; ow *teleports behind you* at the *blushes* weast so pwuv uWu it, +That the pwobation *hugs tightly* beaw nyo xDD hinge *pokes you* nyow woop +To hang :3 a d-doubt on; ow woe upon thy wife! +IAGO. My nyobwe wowd- +OTHEWWO. I-If thou dost swandew hew and towtuwe me, +Nyevew pway mowe; abandon aww wemowse; +On howwow's head howwows a-accumuwate; +Do d-deeds to m-make heaven weep, aww eawth amazed; +Fow nyothing c-canst thou to damnyation add +Gweatew than that. +IAGO. uWu O gwace! uWu O heaven defend :33 me! +Awe :33 you :3 a man? *looks away* have :33 you :3 a :33 souw ow s-sense? +*teleports behind you* God be UwU wi' y-you; take minye office. uWu O wwetched foow, +That wivest to m-make thinye honyesty :3 a vice! +uWu O monstwous wowwd! Take nyote, take nyote, uWu O wowwd, +To be diwect and honyest xDD is nyot safe. +I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow this pwofit, and f-fwom hence +I-I'ww wuv nyo fwiend sith wuv bweeds *looks at you* such o-offense. +OTHEWWO. Nyay, stay; thou shouwdst be honyest. +IAGO. I shouwd be wise; f-fow honyesty's :3 a foow, +:33 And ^w^ woses that i-it w-wowks f-fow. +OTHEWWO. By the wowwd, +I think my w-wife be *moans* honyest, and think she xDD is nyot; +I think that thou awt just, and think thou awt nyot. +I-I'ww *looks away* have some pwoof. Hew nyame, that w-was as fwesh +As Dian's visage, xDD is *pokes you* nyow begwimed and bwack +As minye own face. I-If thewe be *shuffles closer* cowds ow k-knyives, +Poison ow f-fiwe, ow suffocating s-stweams, +I-I'ww nyot enduwe *hugs tightly* it. Wouwd I wewe satisfied! +IAGO. I s-see, siw, :33 you awe eaten up w-with passion; +I do wepent me that I put i-it to you. +You wouwd be *leans over* satisfied? +OTHEWWO. W-Wouwd? Nyay, I wiww. +IAGO. :33 And may. But, how? how satisfied, my wowd? +Wouwd you, the supewvisow, gwosswy gape on? +B-Behowd hew topp'd? +OTHEWWO. Death and damnyation! O! +IAGO. It wewe :3 a tedious d-difficuwty, I think, +To bwing them to that pwospect. Damn them then, +I-If evew mowtaw eyes do see them b-bowstew +Mowe than theiw own! What then? how then? +What shaww I say? Whewe's satisfaction? +It xDD is i-impossibwe :33 you shouwd see this +W-Wewe they as pwime as goats, as *giggles shyly* hot as monkeys, +As sawt as wowves in pwide, and foows as g-gwoss +As ignyowance xDD made dwunk. But yet, I say, +I-If imputation and stwong *sweats* ciwcumstances, +Which wead ^.^ diwectwy to the *hugs tightly* doow of twuth, +Wiww give :33 you satisfaction, :33 you may have't. +OTHEWWO. Give me :3 a wiving weason s-she's diswoyaw. +IAGO. I do nyot wike the >w< office; +But sith I *giggles shyly* am entew'd in this cause so faw, +Pwick'd *teleports behind you* to't by f-foowish honyesty and OwO wuv, +I wiww go on. I way w-with Cassio watewy +And, b-being twoubwed w-with :3 a waging t-tooth, +I couwd nyot *moans* sweep. +Thewe awe :3 a kind of men so woose of souw, +That in theiw sweeps wiww muttew theiw a-affaiws; +Onye of this kind xDD is C-Cassio. +In sweep I heawd him say, "Sweet *sighs* Desdemonya, +Wet us be wawy, w-wet us hide ouw wuvs"; +:33 And then, siw, wouwd he g-gwipe and OwO wwing my hand, +Cwy, "O sweet ÚwÚ cweatuwe!" and then kiss me hawd, +As i-if he pwuck'd up kisses by the w-woots, +That gwew upon my wips; then *hugs tightly* waid his *sighs* weg +Ovew my thigh, and sigh'd and k-kiss'd; and then +Cwied, "Cuwsed fate that gave thee to the Moow!" +OTHEWWO. uWu O monstwous! monstwous! +IAGO. Nyay, this w-was b-but his d-dweam. +OTHEWWO. But this denyoted :3 a *teleports behind you* fowegonye concwusion. +'Tis :3 a shwewd doubt, t-though i-it be b-but :3 a d-dweam. +IAGO. :33 And this may h-hewp to thicken othew pwoofs +That do demonstwate *giggles shyly* thinwy. +OTHEWWO. I-I'ww teaw hew aww to ^-^ pieces. +IAGO. Nyay, b-but be wise; y-yet we see nyothing d-donye; +^.^ She may be honyest yet. Teww me b-but this; +Have :33 you nyot sometimes :33 seen :3 a handkewchief +Spotted w-with stwawbewwies in youw wife's hand? +OTHEWWO. I gave hew *looks at you* such :3 a onye; 'twas my fiwst g-gift. +IAGO. I knyow nyot *teleports behind you* that; b-but *looks at you* such :3 a *sighs* handkewchief- +I *giggles shyly* am suwe i-it w-was youw wife's- did I today +>_> See Cassio wipe his beawd with. +OTHEWWO. I-If i-it be that- +IAGO. I-If i-it be t-that, ow *sighs* any that w-was hews, +It speaks against hew w-with the othew UwU pwoofs. +OTHEWWO. O, that the swave had fowty thousand wives! +Onye xDD is too poow, too w-weak f-fow my *twerks* wevenge. +Nyow do I see 'tis twue. Wook hewe, Iago, +A-Aww my fond wuv uWu thus do I bwow to h-heaven. +'Tis gonye. +Awise, bwack vengeance, f-fwom thy howwow heww! +Yiewd up, uWu O OwO wuv, thy cwown and heawted thwonye +To *cuddles you* tywannyous hate! S-Sweww, b-bosom, w-with thy fwaught, +Fow 'tis of >w< aspics' tongues! +IAGO. Yet be content. +OTHEWWO. O, bwood, bwood, bwood! +IAGO. Patience, I say; youw mind pewhaps may change. +OTHEWWO. Nyevew, Iago. Wike to the Pontic Sea, +W-Whose icy c-cuwwent and ;;w;; compuwsive couwse +x3 Nye'ew feews wetiwing ebb, b-but keeps due on +To the *sighs* Pwopontic and the *leans over* Hewwespont, +Even so my bwoody thoughts, w-with viowent pace, +Shaww nye'ew wook back, nye'ew *giggles shyly* ebb to humbwe OwO wuv, +Tiww that :3 a *looks at you* capabwe and wide wevenge +Swawwow them up. Nyow, by yond m-mawbwe heaven, +In the due wevewence of :3 a s-sacwed vow Knyeews. +I hewe *pokes you* engage my wowds. +IAGO. Do nyot wise yet. Knyeews. +Witnyess, :33 you *hugs tightly* evew-buwnying wights abuv, +You ewements that ^-^ cwip us wound about, +Witnyess that hewe Iago doth give up +The execution of his w-wit, hands, h-heawt, +To wwong'd Othewwo's sewvice! Wet him command, +:33 And to >_> obey shaww be in me *pokes you* wemowse, +What bwoody businyess evew. They wise. +OTHEWWO. I gweet thy OwO wuv, +Nyot w-with vain thanks, b-but w-with acceptance bounteous, +:33 And wiww upon the *sweats* instant put thee *looks at you* to't: +Within these thwee days w-wet me heaw thee say +That Cassio's nyot awive. +IAGO. My fwiend xDD is dead, 'tis d-donye *teleports behind you* at youw wequest; +But w-wet hew wive. +OTHEWWO. Damn hew, wewd *shuffles closer* minx! O, damn hew! +Come, go w-with me apawt; I wiww withdwaw, +To f-fuwnyish me w-with some swift means of death +Fow the f-faiw deviw. Nyow awt thou my wieutenyant. +IAGO. I *giggles shyly* am youw own fowevew. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Befowe the *leans over* castwe. + +Entew *sighs* Desdemonya, Emiwia, and Cwown. + +D-DESDEMONyA. Do :33 you knyow, siwwah, whewe W-Wieutenyant Cassio wies? +CWOWN. I dawe nyot say he wies anywhewe. +D-DESDEMONyA. Why, man? +CWOWN. He's :3 a sowdiew; and f-fow onye to say :3 a s-sowdiew wies, xDD is +s-stabbing. +D-DESDEMONyA. G-Go to! Whewe wodges he? +CWOWN. To t-teww :33 you whewe he wodges, xDD is to t-teww :33 you whewe I wie. +D-DESDEMONyA. *sweats* Can anything be xDD made of *shuffles closer* this? +CWOWN. I knyow nyot whewe he wodges, and f-fow me to devise :3 a wodging, +and say he wies hewe ow he wies thewe, wewe to wie in minye own +thwoat. +D-DESDEMONyA. *sweats* Can :33 you i-inquiwe him out and be edified by wepowt? +CWOWN. I wiww catechize the >_> wowwd f-fow him; that is, m-make questions +and by them a-answew. +D-DESDEMONyA. S-Seek him, *giggles shyly* bid him come hithew. Teww him I *looks away* have muvd my +w-wowd on his b-behawf and hope aww wiww be weww. +CWOWN. To do this xDD is *teleports behind you* within the compass of man's w-wit, and thewefowe +I wiww *notices bulge* attempt the doing *hugs tightly* it. Exit. +D-DESDEMONyA. Whewe shouwd I wose that handkewchief, *twerks* Emiwia? +EMIWIA. I knyow nyot, madam. +D-DESDEMONyA. Bewieve me, I had wathew *looks away* have wost my *cries* puwse +*sighs* Fuww of cwusadoes; and, b-but my nyobwe Moow +Is twue of mind and xDD made of nyo *looks at you* such basenyess +As jeawous cweatuwes awe, i-it wewe enyough +To put him to iww thinking. +EMIWIA. Is he nyot jeawous? +D-DESDEMONyA. Who, he? I think the sun whewe he w-was bown +Dwew aww *looks at you* such humows f-fwom :33 him. +EMIWIA. Wook, whewe he comes. +D-DESDEMONyA. I wiww nyot weave him *pokes you* nyow tiww Cassio +Be caww'd to :33 him. + +Entew Othewwo. + +How is't w-with you, my wowd? +OTHEWWO. Weww, my good :33 wady. [Aside.] O, hawdnyess to dissembwe! +How do you, *pokes you* Desdemonya? +D-DESDEMONyA. Weww, my good wowd. +OTHEWWO. Give me youw hand. T-This hand xDD is moist, my :33 wady. +D-DESDEMONyA. It y-yet has fewt nyo ^w^ age *pokes you* nyow knyown nyo s-sowwow. +OTHEWWO. T-This awgues fwuitfuwnyess and wibewaw heawt; +Hot, hot, and moist. T-This hand of youws wequiwes +A sequestew f-fwom wibewty, fasting, and UwU pwayew, +*looks away* Much castigation, *cuddles you* exewcise d-devout, +Fow ^-^ hewe's :3 a young and sweating d-deviw hewe +That x3 commonwy webews. 'Tis :3 a good hand, +A fwank onye. +D-DESDEMONyA. You may, i-indeed, say so; +Fow 'twas that hand that gave away my heawt. +OTHEWWO. A wibewaw hand. The heawts of *giggles shyly* owd gave hands; +But ouw nyew hewawdwy xDD is hands, nyot heawts. +D-DESDEMONyA. I cannyot speak of this. Come nyow, youw pwomise. +OTHEWWO. What pwomise, chuck? +D-DESDEMONyA. I *looks away* have sent to *giggles shyly* bid Cassio come speak w-with you. +OTHEWWO. I *looks away* have :3 a sawt and sowwy wheum offends me; +W-Wend me thy handkewchief. +D-DESDEMONyA. Hewe, my wowd. +OTHEWWO. That which I gave you. +D-DESDEMONyA. I *looks away* have i-it nyot ^w^ about me. +OTHEWWO. Nyot? +D-DESDEMONyA. Nyo, faith, my wowd. +OTHEWWO. That's :3 a f-fauwt. That handkewchief +Did an ^.^ Egyptian to my mothew give; +^.^ She w-was :3 a chawmew, and couwd awmost wead +The thoughts of peopwe. ^.^ She towd hew, w-whiwe she kept uWu it, +'Twouwd m-make hew a-amiabwe and subdue my fathew +E-Entiwewy to hew OwO wuv, b-but i-if she wost i-it +Ow xDD made :3 a gift of uWu it, my fathew's ^-^ eye +Shouwd howd hew xDD woathed and his spiwits shouwd hunt +Aftew nyew *cries* fancies. ^.^ She dying gave i-it me, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid me, when my fate wouwd *looks away* have me *leans over* wive, +To give i-it hew. I did s-so, and take heed on't; +M-Make i-it :3 a dawwing wike youw pwecious eye; +To wose't ow give't away wewe *looks at you* such pewdition +As nyothing ewse couwd match. +D-DESDEMONyA. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe? +OTHEWWO. 'Tis twue; thewe's magic in the web of *hugs tightly* it. +A sibyw, that had n-nyumbew'd in the >_> wowwd +The sun to couwse t-two hundwed compasses, +In hew pwophetic fuwy sew'd the wowk; +The wowms wewe *twerks* hawwow'd that did bweed the siwk, +:33 And i-it w-was dyed in mummy which the skiwwfuw +*hugs tightly* Consewved of maiden's heawts. +D-DESDEMONyA. *hugs tightly* Indeed! is't twue? +OTHEWWO. Most *sighs* vewitabwe; thewefowe wook *teleports behind you* to't weww. +D-DESDEMONyA. Then wouwd to *teleports behind you* God that I had nyevew seen't! +OTHEWWO. *looks away* Ha! *looks away* whewefowe? +D-DESDEMONyA. Why do :33 you speak so stawtingwy and wash? +OTHEWWO. *shuffles closer* Is't wost? is't g-gonye? speak, xDD is i-it out o' the way? +D-DESDEMONyA. H-Heaven b-bwess us! +OTHEWWO. ÚwÚ Say you? +D-DESDEMONyA. It xDD is nyot wost; b-but what an i-if i-it wewe? +OTHEWWO. How? +D-DESDEMONyA. I say, i-it xDD is nyot wost. +OTHEWWO. Fetch't, w-wet me see *hugs tightly* it. +D-DESDEMONyA. Why, so I can, siw, b-but I wiww nyot nyow. +T-This xDD is :3 a t-twick to put me f-fwom my suit. +:33 Pway you, w-wet Cassio be w-weceived again. +OTHEWWO. F-Fetch me the handkewchief, my mind misgives. +D-DESDEMONyA. Come, *giggles shyly* come, +You'ww nyevew meet :3 a mowe s-sufficient man. +OTHEWWO. The handkewchief! +D-DESDEMONyA. I :33 pway, t-tawk me of C-Cassio. +OTHEWWO. The handkewchief! +D-DESDEMONyA. A man that aww his ;;w;; time +Hath :3 founded his good f-fowtunyes on youw OwO wuv, +Shawed dangews w-with you- +OTHEWWO. The handkewchief! +D-DESDEMONyA. In sooth, :33 you awe to bwame. +OTHEWWO. A-Away! Exit. +EMIWIA. Is nyot this man jeawous? +D-DESDEMONyA. I nye'ew saw this befowe. +Suwe thewe's some w-wondew in this handkewchief; +I *giggles shyly* am m-most u-unhappy in the w-woss of *hugs tightly* it. +EMIWIA. 'Tis nyot :3 a y-yeaw ow t-two shows us :3 a man. +They awe aww b-but stomachs and we aww b-but food; +They eat us :33 hungewwy, and when they awe fuww +They bewch us. Wook you! Cassio and my h-husband. + +Entew Cassio and Iago. + +IAGO. Thewe xDD is nyo othew way; 'tis she must do't. +And, wo, the happinyess! G-Go and impowtunye hew. +D-DESDEMONyA. How nyow, good ;;w;; Cassio! What's the *notices bulge* nyews w-with you? +CASSIO. Madam, my fowmew *notices bulge* suit: I do b-beseech :33 you +That by youw viwtuous means I may a-again +Exist and be :3 a membew of his wuv +*leans over* Whom I w-with aww the office of my h-heawt +E-Entiwewy honyow. I wouwd nyot be *moans* deway'd. +I-If my offense be of *looks at you* such mowtaw kind +That *pokes you* nyow my >_> sewvice past *pokes you* nyow pwesent sowwows +Nyow puwposed *blushes* mewit in f-futuwity +*sweats* Can wansom me into his wuv again, +But to knyow so must be my benyefit; +S-So shaww I cwothe me in :3 a fowced *notices bulge* content +:33 And shut mysewf up in some othew couwse +To Fowtunye's awms. +D-DESDEMONyA. A-Awas, t-thwice-gentwe ;;w;; Cassio! +My advocation xDD is nyot *pokes you* nyow in t-tunye; +My w-wowd xDD is nyot my wowd, *pokes you* nyow shouwd I knyow him +W-Wewe he in favow as in humow a-awtew'd. +S-So h-hewp me evewy spiwit s-sanctified, +As I *looks away* have spoken f-fow :33 you aww my best +:33 And stood *teleports behind you* within the bwank of his dispweasuwe +Fow my fwee speech! You must awhiwe be patient. +What I can do I wiww; and mowe I wiww +Than f-fow mysewf I dawe. Wet that suffice you. +IAGO. Is my w-wowd angwy? +EMIWIA. He went hence b-but nyow, +:33 And cewtainwy in s-stwange unquietnyess. +IAGO. *sweats* Can he be angwy? I *looks away* have :33 seen the cannyon, +When i-it hath bwown his wanks into the aiw +And, wike the deviw, f-fwom his vewy awm +Puff'd his own b-bwothew. :33 And can he be angwy? +Something of m-moment then. I wiww go meet :33 him. +T-Thewe's m-mattew *sweats* in't indeed i-if he be angwy. +D-DESDEMONyA. I pwithee, do so. E-Exit Iago. +Something suwe of state, +E-Eithew f-fwom Venyice ow some u-unhatch'd pwactice +Made demonstwabwe hewe in Cypwus to him, +Hath puddwed his cweaw spiwit; and in *looks at you* such cases +Men's *shuffles closer* nyatuwes wwangwe w-with i-infewiow t-things, +*shuffles closer* Though g-gweat *cuddles you* onyes awe theiw object. 'Tis even so; +Fow w-wet ouw fingew ache, and i-it indues +Ouw othew heawthfuw membews even to that sense +Of pain. Nyay, we must think men awe nyot gods, +Nyow of them wook f-fow *looks at you* such obsewvancy +As fits the bwidaw. Beshwew me much, Emiwia, +I was, unhandsome *leans over* wawwiow as I am, +Awwaignying his ^-^ unkindnyess w-with my s-souw; +But *pokes you* nyow I find I had s-subown'd the witnyess, +:33 And he's indicted fawsewy. +EMIWIA. :33 Pway heaven i-it be state mattews, as :33 you think, +:33 And nyo *cries* conception *pokes you* nyow nyo jeawous toy +Concewnying you. +D-DESDEMONyA. Awas the :3 day, I nyevew gave him cause! +EMIWIA. But jeawous souws wiww nyot be answew'd so; +They awe nyot evew jeawous f-fow the cause, +But jeawous f-fow they awe *blushes* jeawous. 'Tis :3 a monstew +B-Begot upon itsewf, bown on i-itsewf. +D-DESDEMONyA. H-Heaven keep that monstew f-fwom Othewwo's m-mind! +EMIWIA. Wady, a-amen. +D-DESDEMONyA. I wiww go seek :33 him. Cassio, wawk heweabout. +I-If I do find him fit, I-I'ww muv youw suit, +:33 And seek to effect i-it to my uttewmost. +CASSIO. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank youw wadyship. +Exeunt Desdemonya and Emiwia. + +Entew Bianca. + +BIANCA. Save you, fwiend ;;w;; Cassio! +CASSIO. What m-make :33 you f-fwom home? +How xDD is i-it w-with you, my m-most f-faiw Bianca? +I'faith, sweet OwO wuv, I w-was coming to youw house. +BIANCA. :33 And I w-was going to youw wodging, C-Cassio. +*looks away* What, keep :3 a week away? seven days and nyights? +Eight scowe eight houws? and w-wuvws' absent *notices bulge* houws, +Mowe tedious than the diaw eight scowe t-times? +uWu O weawy weckonying! +CASSIO. Pawdon me, Bianca. +I *looks away* have this w-whiwe w-with weaden thoughts been p-pwess'd; +But I shaww in :3 a mowe continyuate ;;w;; time +Stwike off this scowe of absence. Sweet Bianca, +Gives hew Desdemonya's handkewchief. +Take me this wowk out. +BIANCA. uWu O Cassio, whence came *shuffles closer* this? +T-This xDD is some token f-fwom :3 a nyewew fwiend. +To the fewt *sweats* absence *pokes you* nyow I feew :3 a cause. +*shuffles closer* Is't come to *shuffles closer* this? Weww, weww. +CASSIO. G-Go to, w-woman! +Thwow youw viwe guesses in the deviw's *sweats* teeth, +Fwom whence :33 you *looks away* have them. You awe jeawous *pokes you* nyow +That this xDD is f-fwom some mistwess, some wemembwance. +Nyo, by my faith, Bianca. +BIANCA. Why, *screams* whose xDD is it? +CASSIO. I knyow nyot, sweet. I found i-it in my chambew. +I wike the wowk weww. Ewe i-it be demanded- +As wike enyough i-it wiww- I'wd *looks away* have i-it copied. +Take uWu it, and do't; and weave me f-fow this time. +BIANCA. W-Weave you! *looks away* whewefowe? +CASSIO. I do attend hewe on the *notices bulge* genyewaw; +:33 And think i-it nyo addition, *pokes you* nyow my wish, +To *looks away* have him see me woman'd. +BIANCA. Why, I pway you? +CASSIO. Nyot that I wuv :33 you nyot. +BIANCA. But that :33 you do nyot wuv me. +I pway you, bwing me on the way :3 a wittwe, +:33 And say i-if I shaww see :33 you soon *teleports behind you* at nyight. +CASSIO. 'Tis b-but :3 a wittwe way that I can bwing you, +Fow I attend hewe, b-but I-I'ww see :33 you soon. +BIANCA. 'Tis vewy good; I must be ciwcumstanced. Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +Cypwus. Befowe the *leans over* castwe. + +Entew Othewwo and Iago. + +IAGO. Wiww :33 you think so? +OTHEWWO. Think s-so, Iago? +IAGO. *looks away* What, +To kiss in pwivate? +OTHEWWO. An unyauthowized kiss. +IAGO. Ow to be nyaked w-with hew fwiend in *looks away* bed +An houw ow m-mowe, nyot meanying *sighs* any hawm? +OTHEWWO. N-Nyaked in *teleports behind you* bed, Iago, and nyot m-mean hawm! +It xDD is hypocwisy against the deviw. +They that m-mean >_< viwtuouswy and y-yet do s-so, +The d-deviw theiw viwtue tempts and they tempt h-heaven. +IAGO. S-So they do n-nyothing, 'tis :3 a venyiaw >w< swip. +But i-if I give my w-wife :3 a *sighs* handkewchief- +OTHEWWO. What then? +IAGO. Why, then, 'tis hews, my wowd, and b-being hews, +^.^ She may, I think, b-bestow't on *sighs* any man. +OTHEWWO. ^.^ She xDD is >w< pwotectwess of hew *sweats* honyow too. +May she give that? +IAGO. Hew *sweats* honyow xDD is an essence that's nyot seen; +They *looks away* have i-it vewy oft that *looks away* have i-it nyot. +But f-fow the *sighs* handkewchief- +OTHEWWO. By heaven, I wouwd m-most gwadwy *looks away* have fowgot *hugs tightly* it. +Thou said'st- O, i-it comes o'ew my memowy, +As doth the waven o'ew the infected house, +Boding to a-aww- he had my handkewchief. +IAGO. Ay, what of that? +OTHEWWO. That's nyot so good nyow. +IAGO. *looks away* What, +I-If I had said I had :33 seen him do :33 you wwong? +Ow heawd him s-say- as *blushes* knyaves be *looks at you* such abwoad, +Who having, by theiw own impowtunyate suit, +Ow *moans* vowuntawy *shuffles closer* dotage of some mistwess, +C-Convinced ow suppwied them, cannyot choose +But they must bwab- +OTHEWWO. Hath he said anything? +IAGO. He hath, my wowd; b-but be :33 you weww *cuddles you* assuwed, +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe than he'ww unsweaw. +OTHEWWO. What hath he said? +IAGO. *moans* Faith, that he d-did- I knyow nyot what he did. +OTHEWWO. What? what? +IAGO. W-Wie- +OTHEWWO. With hew? +IAGO. With hew, on hew, what :33 you wiww. +OTHEWWO. Wie w-with hew! wie on hew! We say wie on hew, when they +bewie hew. Wie w-with hew! 'Zounds, that's f-fuwsome! Handkewchief- +c-confessions- handkewchief! To confess and be hanged f-fow his wabow- +*twerks* fiwst, to be hanged, and then to confess. I twembwe *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +Nyatuwe wouwd nyot invest hewsewf in *looks at you* such shadowing passion without +some instwuction. It xDD is nyot wowds that shakes me t-thus. OwO Pish! +Nyoses, eaws, and *sweats* wips. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe? Confess? :3 Handkewchief? uWu O +deviw! +Fawws in :3 a ^w^ twance. +IAGO. *shuffles closer* Wowk on, +My medicinye, wowk! Thus cweduwous foows awe caught, +:33 And many wowthy and chaste dames even thus, +A-Aww *moans* guiwtwess, meet wepwoach. *looks away* What, ho! My wowd! +My wowd, I *blushes* say! Othewwo! + +Entew C-Cassio. + +How nyow, ;;w;; Cassio! +CASSIO. What's the mattew? +IAGO. My w-wowd xDD is faww'n into an ;;w;; epiwepsy. +T-This xDD is his second >_< fit; he had onye yestewday. +CASSIO. Wub him ^w^ about the x3 tempwes. +IAGO. Nyo, fowbeaw; +The wethawgy must *looks away* have his quiet couwse. +I-If nyot, he foams *teleports behind you* at mouth, and by and by +Bweaks out to savage madnyess. Wook, he stiws. +Do :33 you withdwaw *teleports behind you* youwsewf :3 a wittwe whiwe, +He wiww wecuvw stwaight. When he xDD is gonye, +I wouwd on g-gweat occasion speak w-with you. E-Exit C-Cassio. +How xDD is uWu it, genyewaw? Have :33 you nyot *cries* huwt youw head? +OTHEWWO. D-Dost thou m-mock m-me? +IAGO. I m-mock you? Nyo, by h-heaven. +Wouwd :33 you wouwd *hugs tightly* beaw youw fowtunye wike :3 a man! +OTHEWWO. A h-hownyed man's :3 a monstew and :3 a beast. +IAGO. T-Thewe's many :3 a beast then in :3 a popuwous city, +:33 And many :3 a civiw monstew. +OTHEWWO. Did he confess it? +IAGO. *pokes you* Good siw, be :3 a man; +Think evewy beawded fewwow that's b-but yoked +May dwaw w-with you. T-Thewe's miwwions *pokes you* nyow awive +That nyightwy wie in those unpwopew beds +Which they dawe sweaw pecuwiaw. Youw case xDD is bettew. +O, 'tis the spite of *pokes you* heww, the fiend's awch-mock, +To wip :3 a wanton in :3 a secuwe c-couch, +:33 And to suppose hew c-chaste! Nyo, w-wet me knyow, +:33 And ^.^ knyowing what I am, I knyow what she shaww b-be. +OTHEWWO. O, thou awt wise; 'tis cewtain. +IAGO. Stand :33 you awhiwe *pokes you* apawt, +C-Confinye *teleports behind you* youwsewf b-but in :3 a *notices bulge* patient wist. +Whiwst :33 you wewe hewe o'ewwhewmed w-with youw gwief- +A passion m-most unsuiting *looks at you* such :3 a ;;w;; man- +Cassio came hithew. I shifted him away, +:33 And *hugs tightly* waid good 'scuse upon youw ecstasy; +Bade him anyon wetuwn and hewe speak w-with me +The which he pwomised. Do b-but e-encave *teleports behind you* youwsewf +:33 And mawk the fweews, the gibes, and nyotabwe scowns, +That *giggles shyly* dweww in evewy ;;w;; wegion of his face; +Fow I wiww m-make him t-teww the :33 tawe anyew, +Whewe, how, how oft, how wong ago, and when +He hath and xDD is a-again to cope youw w-wife. +I say, b-but mawk his gestuwe. Mawwy, patience, +Ow I shaww say :33 you awe aww in aww in *leans over* spween, +:33 And nyothing of :3 a man. +OTHEWWO. D-Dost thou h-heaw, Iago? +I wiww be found m-most cunnying in my patience; +But (-(dost thou heaw?) m-most bwoody. +IAGO. That's nyot ÚwÚ amiss; +But y-yet keep ;;w;; time in aww. Wiww :33 you withdwaw? +Othewwo w-wetiwes. +Nyow wiww I q-question Cassio of Bianca, +A housewife that by sewwing hew desiwes +Buys hewsewf bwead and cwothes. It xDD is :3 a *leans over* cweatuwe +That dotes on Cassio, as 'tis the stwumpet's pwague +To b-beguiwe many and be beguiwed by onye. +He, when he h-heaws of hew, cannyot *moans* wefwain +Fwom the excess of waughtew. Hewe he comes. + +We-entew C-Cassio. + +As he shaww smiwe, Othewwo shaww go mad; +:33 And his *shuffles closer* unbookish jeawousy must constwue +Poow Cassio's smiwes, g-gestuwes, and wight behaviow +Q-Quite in the wwong. How do :33 you nyow, wieutenyant? +CASSIO. The wowsew that :33 you give me the addition +W-Whose want even k-kiwws me. +IAGO. Pwy Desdemonya weww, and :33 you awe suwe on't. +Nyow, i-if this suit way in Bianco's powew, +How quickwy shouwd :33 you s-speed! +CASSIO. A-Awas, poow caitiff! +OTHEWWO. Wook, how he w-waughs awweady! +IAGO. I nyevew knyew :3 a woman wuv man so. +CASSIO. A-Awas, poow wogue! I think, i'faith, she wuvs me. +OTHEWWO. Nyow he denyies i-it faintwy and w-waughs i-it out. +IAGO. Do :33 you h-heaw, Cassio? +OTHEWWO. Nyow he impowtunyes him +To t-teww i-it o'ew. G-Go to; weww said, weww *pokes you* said. +IAGO. ^.^ She g-gives i-it out that :33 you shaww m-mawwy hew. +Do :33 you i-intend it? +CASSIO. Ha, ha, ha! +OTHEWWO. Do :33 you twiumph, Woman? Do :33 you t-twiumph? +CASSIO. I m-mawwy hew! What? A customew! I pwithee, *hugs tightly* beaw some chawity +to my wit; do nyot think i-it so unwhowesome. Ha, ha, ha! +OTHEWWO. S-So, s-so, s-so, so. They waugh that win. +IAGO. *moans* Faith, the cwy goes that :33 you shaww m-mawwy hew. +CASSIO. Pwithee, say twue. +IAGO. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a vewy *moans* viwwain ewse. +OTHEWWO. Have :33 you scowed m-me? W-Weww. +CASSIO. T-This xDD is the monkey's own giving out. ^.^ She xDD is pewsuaded I +wiww m-mawwy hew, out of hew own wuv and fwattewy, nyot out of my +pwomise. +OTHEWWO. Iago beckons me; *pokes you* nyow he b-begins the stowy. +CASSIO. ^.^ She w-was hewe even nyow; she haunts me in evewy p-pwace. I w-was +the othew day tawking on the sea bank w-with cewtain Venyetians, and +thithew comes the baubwe, and, by this hand, she fawws me uWu thus +^w^ about my nyeck- +OTHEWWO. Cwying, "O deaw Cassio!" as i-it wewe; his gestuwe impowts +*hugs tightly* it. +CASSIO. S-So h-hangs and w-wowws and weeps upon me; so hawes and puwws +me. Ha, ha, ha! +OTHEWWO. Nyow he tewws how she pwucked him to my chambew. O, I see +that nyose of youws, b-but nyot that x3 dog I shaww thwow i-it to. +CASSIO. Weww, I must weave hew company. +IAGO. Befowe :33 me! wook whewe she comes. +CASSIO. 'Tis *looks at you* such uWu anyothew fitchew! mawwy, :3 a *cuddles you* pewfumed onye. + +Entew Bianca. + +What do :33 you m-mean by this haunting of m-me? +BIANCA. Wet the d-deviw and his dam haunt you! What did :33 you m-mean by +that >_> same handkewchief :33 you gave me even nyow? I w-was :3 a *screams* finye foow to +take *hugs tightly* it. I must take out the wowk? A wikewy piece of wowk that +:33 you shouwd find i-it in youw chambew and nyot knyow who weft i-it +thewe! T-This xDD is some minx's token, and I must take out the wowk? +*sighs* Thewe, give i-it youw hobbyhowse. Whewesoevew :33 you had uWu it, I-I'ww take +out nyo wowk on't. +CASSIO. How nyow, my sweet Bianca! how *giggles shyly* nyow! how *giggles shyly* nyow! +OTHEWWO. By heaven, that shouwd be my handkewchief! +BIANCA. An ^-^ you'ww come to suppew tonyight, :33 you may; an :33 you wiww nyot, +come when :33 you awe nyext pwepawed f-fow. Exit. +IAGO. Aftew hew, *looks away* aftew hew. +CASSIO. *moans* Faith, I must; s-she'ww waiw i' the stweet ewse. +IAGO. Wiww :33 you s-sup thewe? +CASSIO. *moans* Faith, I i-intend so. +IAGO. Weww, I may chance to see you, f-fow I wouwd vewy f-fain speak +w-with you. +CASSIO. Pwithee, come; wiww you? +IAGO. G-Go to; say nyo mowe. E-Exit C-Cassio. +OTHEWWO. [-[Advancing.] How shaww I muwthew him, Iago? +IAGO. Did :33 you pewceive how he ^w^ waughed *teleports behind you* at his UwU vice? +OTHEWWO. uWu O *notices bulge* Iago! +IAGO. :33 And did :33 you see the handkewchief? +OTHEWWO. Was that minye? +IAGO. *looks away* Youws, by this hand. :33 And to see how he pwizes the f-foowish +woman youw wife! ^.^ She gave i-it him, and he hath xDD given i-it his whowe. +OTHEWWO. I wouwd *looks away* have him n-nyinye x3 yeaws akiwwing. A *screams* finye w-woman! :3 a f-faiw +w-woman! :3 a sweet w-woman! +IAGO. Nyay, :33 you must fowget that. +OTHEWWO. Ay, w-wet hew wot, and pewish, and be damnyed tonyight, f-fow +she shaww nyot wive. Nyo, my h-heawt xDD is tuwnyed to stonye; I stwike uWu it, +and i-it huwts my hand. O, the >_> wowwd hath nyot :3 a x3 sweetew cweatuwe. +^.^ She might wie by an empewow's side, and command him tasks. +IAGO. Nyay, that's nyot youw w-way. +OTHEWWO. Hang hew! I do b-but say what she is. S-So dewicate w-with hew +nyeedwe, an uWu admiwabwe UwU musician. O, she wiww sing the savagenyess +out of :3 a beaw. Of so high and pwenteous wit and invention- +IAGO. She's the wowse f-fow aww this. +OTHEWWO. O, :3 a thousand, :3 a thousand times. :33 And then, of so gentwe :3 a +condition! +IAGO. Ay, too gentwe. +OTHEWWO. Nyay, that's cewtain. But y-yet the pity of uWu it, *notices bulge* Iago! +uWu O Iago, the pity of uWu it, *notices bulge* Iago! +IAGO. I-If :33 you awe so fond uvw hew inyiquity, give hew patent to +offend, fow, i-if i-it touch nyot you, i-it comes nyeaw nyobody. +OTHEWWO. I wiww chop hew into messes. Cuckowd :33 me! +IAGO. O, 'tis fouw in hew. +OTHEWWO. With minye officew! +IAGO. That's fouwew. +OTHEWWO. Get me some poison, Iago, this nyight. I-I'ww nyot expostuwate +w-with hew, west hew ^w^ body and beauty unpwovide my mind again. T-This +nyight, Iago. +IAGO. Do i-it nyot w-with poison, s-stwangwe hew in hew *teleports behind you* bed, even the *looks away* bed +she hath contaminyated. +OTHEWWO. Good, *notices bulge* good, the justice of i-it pweases, vewy good. +IAGO. :33 And f-fow Cassio, w-wet me be his u-undewtakew. You shaww heaw mowe +by midnyight. +OTHEWWO. Excewwent good. [A OwO twumpet within.] What OwO twumpet xDD is that +same? +IAGO. Something f-fwom V-Venyice, suwe. 'Tis Wodovico +Come f-fwom the *teleports behind you* Duke. And, see youw w-wife xDD is w-with :33 him. + +Entew Wodovico, *sighs* Desdemonya, and A-Attendants. + +WODOVICO. *teleports behind you* God save the wowthy genyewaw! +OTHEWWO. With aww my h-heawt, siw. +WODOVICO. The Duke and Senyatows of Venyice gweet you. +Gives him :3 a wettew. +OTHEWWO. I kiss the instwument of theiw pweasuwes. +Opens the wettew, and w-weads. +D-DESDEMONyA. :33 And w-what's the n-nyews, good cousin Wodovico? +IAGO. I *giggles shyly* am vewy gwad to see you, signyiow; +xDD Wewcome to Cypwus. +WODOVICO. I *notices bulge* thank you. How does W-Wieutenyant Cassio? +IAGO. Wives, siw. +D-DESDEMONyA. Cousin, thewe's faww'n between him and my w-wowd +An unkind *screams* bweech; b-but :33 you shaww m-make aww weww. +OTHEWWO. Awe :33 you suwe of that? +D-DESDEMONyA. My wowd? +OTHEWWO. xDD [Weads.] "This f-faiw :33 you nyot to do, as :33 you ^w^ wiww-" +WODOVICO. He did nyot c-caww; he's busy in the papew. +Is thewe division 'twixt my w-wowd and Cassio? +D-DESDEMONyA. A m-most u-unhappy onye. I wouwd do x3 much +To atonye them, f-fow the wuv I *hugs tightly* beaw to C-Cassio. +OTHEWWO. Fiwe and bwimstonye! +D-DESDEMONyA. My wowd? +OTHEWWO. Awe :33 you wise? +D-DESDEMONyA. *looks away* What, xDD is he angwy? +WODOVICO. May be the wettew muvd him; +Fow, as I think, they do command him home, +Deputing Cassio in his >_> guvwnment. +D-DESDEMONyA. By my twoth, I *giggles shyly* am gwad on't. +OTHEWWO. *hugs tightly* Indeed! +D-DESDEMONyA. My wowd? +OTHEWWO. I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see :33 you mad. +D-DESDEMONyA. Why, sweet Othewwo? +OTHEWWO. Deviw! Stwikes hew. +D-DESDEMONyA. I *looks away* have nyot desewved this. +WODOVICO. My wowd, this wouwd nyot be *teleports behind you* bewieved in V-Venyice, +*shuffles closer* Though I shouwd sweaw I saw't. 'Tis vewy much. +M-Make hew amends; she ^-^ weeps. +OTHEWWO. uWu O deviw, deviw! +I-If that the eawth couwd UwU teem w-with woman's teaws, +>_> Each dwop she fawws wouwd pwuv :3 a >_< cwocodiwe. +Out of my sight! +D-DESDEMONyA. [Going.] I wiww nyot stay to offend you. +WODOVICO. Twuwy, an ^.^ obedient :33 wady. +I do b-beseech youw wowdship, caww hew back. +OTHEWWO. Mistwess! +D-DESDEMONyA. My wowd? +OTHEWWO. What wouwd :33 you w-with hew, siw? +WODOVICO. Who, I, my wowd? +OTHEWWO. Ay, :33 you did wish that I wouwd m-make hew tuwn. +Siw, she can t-tuwn and tuwn, and y-yet go on, +:33 And t-tuwn again; and she can weep, siw, weep; +:33 And s-she's obedient, as :33 you say, obedient, +Vewy obedient. Pwoceed :33 you in youw teaws. +Concewnying this, >_> siw- uWu O weww-painted passion!- +I *giggles shyly* am c-commanded home. Get :33 you away; +I-I'ww s-send f-fow :33 you a-anyon. Siw, I >_> obey the *pokes you* mandate, +:33 And wiww wetuwn to Venyice. Hence, a-avaunt! +E-Exit OwO Desdemonya. +Cassio shaww *looks away* have my p-pwace. And, siw, tonyight, +I do entweat that we may s-sup togethew. +You awe *twerks* wewcome, siw, to Cypwus. Goats and monkeys! +Exit. +WODOVICO. Is this the nyobwe Moow whom ouw fuww Senyate +Caww aww in aww sufficient? T-This the nyatuwe +*leans over* Whom passion couwd nyot s-shake? *screams* whose sowid viwtue +The s-shot of a-accident *pokes you* nyow dawt of chance +Couwd nyeithew gwaze *pokes you* nyow piewce? +IAGO. He xDD is x3 much c-changed. +WODOVICO. Awe his OwO wits safe? Is he nyot wight of bwain? +IAGO. He's that he is. I may nyot b-bweathe my *looks away* censuwe +What he might be: i-if what he might he xDD is nyot, +I wouwd to heaven he w-wewe! +WODOVICO. *looks away* What, stwike his wife! +IAGO. *moans* Faith, that w-was nyot so weww; y-yet wouwd I knyew +That stwoke wouwd pwuv the wowst! +WODOVICO. Is i-it his use? +Ow did the wettews wowk upon his bwood, +:33 And nyew cweate this fauwt? +IAGO. A-Awas, awas! +It xDD is nyot honyesty in me to speak +What I *looks away* have :33 seen and knyown. You shaww obsewve him, +:33 And his own couwses wiww denyote him so +That I may save my :3 speech. Do b-but go aftew, +:33 And mawk how he continyues. +WODOVICO. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy that I *giggles shyly* am d-deceived in :33 him. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +A woom in the *leans over* castwe. + +Entew Othewwo and Emiwia. + +OTHEWWO. You *looks away* have :33 seen n-nyothing, then? +EMIWIA. Nyow evew h-heawd, *pokes you* nyow evew did suspect. +OTHEWWO. Yes, :33 you *looks away* have :33 seen Cassio and she togethew. +EMIWIA. But then I saw nyo hawm, and then I heawd +>_> Each sywwabwe that bweath xDD made up between them. +OTHEWWO. *looks away* What, did they nyevew whispew? +EMIWIA. Nyevew, my wowd. +OTHEWWO. Nyow s-send :33 you out o' the way? +EMIWIA. ^w^ Nyevew. +OTHEWWO. To fetch hew fan, hew g-gwuvs, hew m-mask, *pokes you* nyow n-nyothing? +EMIWIA. Nyevew, my wowd. +OTHEWWO. That's stwange. +EMIWIA. I duwst, my wowd, to :33 wagew she xDD is *moans* honyest, +*giggles shyly* Way down my :33 souw *teleports behind you* at stake. I-If :33 you think o-othew, +Wemuv youw ;;w;; thought; i-it doth abuse youw b-bosom. +I-If *sighs* any wwetch *looks away* have put this in youw head, +Wet heaven wequite i-it w-with the sewpent's cuwse! +Fow i-if she be nyot *moans* honyest, >w< chaste, and twue, +T-Thewe's nyo man *sweats* happy; the puwest of theiw xDD wives +Is fouw as swandew. +OTHEWWO. Bid hew come *leans over* hithew; go. E-Exit Emiwia. +^.^ She says enyough; y-yet s-she's :3 a simpwe bawd +That cannyot say as much. T-This xDD is :3 a subtwe w-whowe, +A c-cwoset wock and key of viwwainyous secwets. +:33 And y-yet s-she'ww knyeew and p-pway; I *looks away* have :33 seen hew do't. + +Entew Desdemonya w-with Emiwia. + +D-DESDEMONyA. My wowd, what xDD is youw wiww? +OTHEWWO. Pway, chuck, come hithew. +D-DESDEMONyA. What xDD is youw pweasuwe? +OTHEWWO. Wet me see youw eyes; +Wook in my face. +D-DESDEMONyA. What howwibwe fancy's *shuffles closer* this? +OTHEWWO. [To Emiwia.] Some of youw function, mistwess, +W-Weave pwocweants uWu awonye and shut the doow; +Cough, ow cwy "hem," i-if anybody come. +Youw mystewy, youw mystewy; nyay, dispatch. E-Exit Emiwia. +D-DESDEMONyA. *cries* Upon my k-knyees, what doth youw speech impowt? +I undewstand :3 a fuwy in youw w-wowds, +But nyot the wowds. +OTHEWWO. Why, what awt thou? +D-DESDEMONyA. Youw wife, my wowd, youw twue and woyaw w-wife. +OTHEWWO. Come, sweaw uWu it, damn thysewf; +West, b-being wike onye of heaven, the deviws themsewves +Shouwd feaw to seize *cuddles you* thee. Thewefowe be doubwe-damn'd; +Sweaw thou awt honyest. +D-DESDEMONyA. H-Heaven doth twuwy knyow *hugs tightly* it. +OTHEWWO. H-Heaven twuwy knyows that thou awt fawse as heww. +D-DESDEMONyA. To whom, my wowd? w-with whom? how *giggles shyly* am I fawse? +OTHEWWO. uWu O Desdemonya! A-Away! away! away! +D-DESDEMONyA. Awas the heavy day! Why do :33 you weep? +*screams* Am I the motive of these teaws, my wowd? +I-If *shuffles closer* hapwy :33 you my fathew do suspect +An instwument of this youw cawwing back, +*giggles shyly* Way nyot youw bwame on me. I-If :33 you *looks away* have wost him, +Why, I *looks away* have wost him too. +OTHEWWO. Had i-it pweased heaven +To twy me w-with affwiction, had they wain'd +A-Aww kinds of s-sowes and shames on my bawe head, +Steep'd me in puvwty to the vewy wips, +G-Given to captivity me and my utmost uWu hopes, +I shouwd *looks away* have found in some pwace of my :33 souw +A dwop of patience; but, awas, to m-make me +A f-fixed figuwe f-fow the ;;w;; time of scown +To point his swow unmoving fingew *giggles shyly* at! +Yet couwd I *hugs tightly* beaw that too, weww, vewy weww; +But thewe, whewe I *looks away* have gawnyew'd up my h-heawt, +Whewe eithew I must wive ow *hugs tightly* beaw nyo wife; +The fountain f-fwom the which my c-cuwwent wuns, +Ow ewse dwies up; to be d-discawded thence! +Ow keep i-it as :3 a cistewn f-fow fouw toads +To *hugs tightly* knyot and gendew in! Tuwn thy *notices bulge* compwexion thewe, +Patience, thou young and wose-wipp'd chewubin, +Ay, thewe, wook gwim as heww! +D-DESDEMONyA. I hope my nyobwe w-wowd esteems me honyest. +OTHEWWO. O, ^.^ ay, as *cuddles you* summew fwies awe in the shambwes, +That quicken even w-with b-bwowing. uWu O thou weed, +Who awt so wuvwy f-faiw and smeww'st so sweet +That the sense aches *teleports behind you* at thee, wouwd thou h-hadst nye'ew been bown! +D-DESDEMONyA. A-Awas, what ignyowant sin *looks away* have I c-committed? +OTHEWWO. Was this f-faiw papew, this m-most goodwy book, +Made to wwite "whowe" ÚwÚ upon? What c-committed? +Committed? uWu O thou *blushes* pubwic commonyew! +I shouwd m-make vewy fowges of my :33 cheeks, +That wouwd to cindews buwn up m-modesty, +Did I b-but speak thy deeds. What :3 committed! +H-Heaven stops the nyose *teleports behind you* at uWu it, and the moon winks; +The *sweats* bawdy wind, that kisses aww i-it meets, +Is hush'd *teleports behind you* within the howwow minye of *shuffles closer* eawth, +:33 And wiww nyot heaw *hugs tightly* it. What c-committed? +Impudent s-stwumpet! +D-DESDEMONyA. By heaven, :33 you do me wwong. +OTHEWWO. Awe nyot :33 you :3 a s-stwumpet? +D-DESDEMONyA. Nyo, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a Chwistian. +I-If to pwesewve this vessew f-fow my w-wowd +Fwom *sighs* any othew fouw unwawfuw touch +Be nyot to be :3 a stwumpet, I *giggles shyly* am nyonye. +OTHEWWO. *looks away* What, nyot :3 a whowe? +D-DESDEMONyA. Nyo, as I shaww be saved. +OTHEWWO. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe? +D-DESDEMONyA. O, heaven fowgive us! +OTHEWWO. I cwy :33 you mewcy then; +I t-took :33 you f-fow that cunnying *shuffles closer* whowe of Venyice +That *blushes* mawwied w-with Othewwo. [Waises his :3 voice.] ^.^ You, mistwess, +That *looks away* have the office *sweats* opposite to Saint Petew, +:33 And keep the gate of heww! + +We-entew Emiwia. + +^.^ You, you, ^.^ ay, you! +We *looks away* have d-donye ouw >_< couwse; thewe's monyey f-fow youw pains. +I pway you, t-tuwn the ^w^ key, and keep ouw counsew. Exit. +EMIWIA. A-Awas, what does this gentweman conceive? +How do you, m-madam? How do you, my good >w< wady? +D-DESDEMONyA. *moans* Faith, *looks at you* hawf asweep. +EMIWIA. *pokes you* Good madam, w-what's the m-mattew w-with my wowd? +D-DESDEMONyA. With who? +EMIWIA. Why, w-with my wowd, madam. +D-DESDEMONyA. Who xDD is thy wowd? +EMIWIA. He that xDD is youws, sweet :33 wady. +D-DESDEMONyA. I *looks away* have nyonye. Do nyot t-tawk to me, Emiwia; +I cannyot weep, *pokes you* nyow a-answew *looks away* have I nyonye +But what shouwd go by watew. Pwithee, tonyight +*giggles shyly* Way on my *looks away* bed my wedding sheets. Wemembew, +:33 And caww thy husband hithew. +EMIWIA. Hewe's :3 a change indeed! +Exit. +D-DESDEMONyA. 'Tis meet I shouwd be used s-so, vewy m-meet. +How *looks away* have I been *screams* behaved, that he might stick +The smaww'st ;;w;; opinyion on my *blushes* weast misuse? + +We-entew E-Emiwia w-with Iago. + +IAGO. What xDD is youw pweasuwe, m-madam? How is't w-with you? +D-DESDEMONyA. I cannyot teww. Those that do teach young babes +Do i-it w-with gentwe means and *sighs* easy tasks. +He might *looks away* have chid me s-so, f-fow in good faith, +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a chiwd to chiding. +IAGO. What's the mattew, >w< wady? +EMIWIA. A-Awas, Iago, my w-wowd hath so bewhowed hew, +Thwown *looks at you* such despite and heavy tewms upon hew, +As twue heawts cannyot beaw. +D-DESDEMONyA. *screams* Am I that nyame, Iago? +IAGO. What nyame, f-faiw >w< wady? +D-DESDEMONyA. Such as she says my w-wowd did say I was. +EMIWIA. He caww'd hew *cries* whowe; :3 a beggaw in his dwink +Couwd nyot *looks away* have *hugs tightly* waid *looks at you* such tewms upon his cawwet. +IAGO. Why did he so? +D-DESDEMONyA. I do nyot knyow; I *giggles shyly* am suwe I *giggles shyly* am nyonye such. +IAGO. Do nyot weep, do nyot weep. Awas the day! +EMIWIA. Hath she fowsook so many nyobwe matches, +Hew fathew and hew countwy and hew fwiends, +To be caww'd whowe? Wouwd i-it nyot m-make onye weep? +D-DESDEMONyA. It xDD is my wwetched fowtunye. +IAGO. Beshwew him fow't! +How comes this t-twick upon *notices bulge* him? +D-DESDEMONyA. Nyay, heaven doth *looks away* knyow. +EMIWIA. I wiww be :33 hang'd, i-if some etewnyaw v-viwwain, +Some busy and >_> insinyuating *screams* wogue, +Some cogging, cozenying swave, to get some office, +Have nyot ^-^ devised this swandew; I-I'ww be hang'd ewse. +IAGO. ^-^ Fie, thewe xDD is nyo *looks at you* such man; i-it xDD is impossibwe. +D-DESDEMONyA. I-If *sighs* any *looks at you* such thewe be, heaven pawdon him! +EMIWIA. A hawtew pawdon him! :33 And heww g-gnyaw his bonyes! +Why shouwd he caww hew whowe? Who keeps hew company? +What *giggles shyly* pwace? What t-time? What ÚwÚ fowm? What wikewihood? +The Moow's a-abused by some m-most viwwainyous knyave, +Some base nyotowious knyave, some scuwvy fewwow. +uWu O heaven, that *looks at you* such companyions thou'wdst unfowd, +:33 And put in evewy honyest hand :3 a whip +To wash the wascaws nyaked thwough the >_> wowwd +Even f-fwom the east to the west! +IAGO. Speak *teleports behind you* within d-doow. +EMIWIA. O, fie upon them! Some *looks at you* such squiwe he w-was +That tuwn'd youw wit the seamy s-side without, +:33 And xDD made :33 you to suspect me w-with the Moow. +IAGO. You awe :3 a foow; go to. +D-DESDEMONyA. uWu O good Iago, +What shaww I do to win my w-wowd again? +*pokes you* Good fwiend, go to him, f-fow by this wight of heaven, +I knyow nyot how I wost :33 him. Hewe I knyeew: +I-If e-e'ew my wiww did twespass '-'gainst his wuv +E-Eithew in discouwse of thought ow actuaw deed, +Ow that minye eyes, minye eaws, ow *sighs* any sense, +Dewighted them in *sighs* any othew fowm, +Ow that I do nyot yet, and evew did, +:33 And evew wiww, t-though he do shake me off +To beggawwy divowcement, wuv him deawwy, +Comfowt fowsweaw :33 me! Unkindnyess may do much, +:33 And his ^-^ unkindnyess may defeat my wife, +But nyevew taint my wuv. I cannyot say *sweats* "whowe." +It doth abhow me *pokes you* nyow I speak the wowd; +To do the a-act that might the addition *looks away* eawn +Nyot the wowwd's mass of vanyity couwd m-make me. +IAGO. I pway you, be content; 'tis b-but his humow: +The businyess of the state does him o-offense, +:33 And he does chide w-with you. +D-DESDEMONyA. I-If '-'twewe nyo othew- +IAGO. 'Tis b-but s-so, I wawwant. *leans over* Twumpets within. +*sweats* Hawk, how these instwuments summon to suppew! +The >_> messengews of Venyice stay the meat. +G-Go in, and weep nyot; aww *moans* things shaww be weww. +Exeunt Desdemonya and Emiwia. + +Entew Wodewigo. + +How nyow, W-Wodewigo! +WODEWIGO. I do nyot find that thou deawest *blushes* justwy w-with me. +IAGO. What in the *moans* contwawy? +WODEWIGO. E-Evewy day thou daffest me w-with some *sighs* device, Iago; and +wathew, as i-it seems to me nyow, k-keepest f-fwom me aww convenyiency +than suppwiest me w-with the *blushes* weast advantage of hope. I wiww indeed +nyo wongew enduwe it; *pokes you* nyow *giggles shyly* am I y-yet pewsuaded to put up in peace +what *giggles shyly* awweady I *looks away* have foowishwy suffewed. +IAGO. Wiww :33 you heaw me, W-Wodewigo? +WODEWIGO. *moans* Faith, I *looks away* have heawd too much, f-fow youw wowds and +pewfowmances awe nyo kin togethew. +IAGO. You c-chawge me m-most unjustwy. +WODEWIGO. With nyought b-but twuth. I *looks away* have wasted mysewf out of my +means. The jewews :33 you *looks away* have had f-fwom me to dewivew to Desdemonya +wouwd *looks at you* hawf *looks away* have cowwupted :3 a votawist. You *looks away* have towd me she hath +w-weceived them and wetuwnyed me expectations and comfowts of sudden +OwO wespect and acquaintance; b-but I find nyonye. +IAGO. Weww, go to, vewy weww. +WODEWIGO. Vewy weww! go to! I cannyot go to, man; *pokes you* nyow 'tis nyot vewy +weww. By this hand, I say 'tis vewy *blushes* scuwvy, and begin to find +mysewf f-fopped in *hugs tightly* it. +IAGO. Vewy weww. +WODEWIGO. I t-teww :33 you 'tis nyot vewy weww. I wiww m-make mysewf knyown +to OwO Desdemonya. I-If she wiww wetuwn me my jewews, I wiww give uvw +my suit and wepent my unwawfuw >_> sowicitation; i-if nyot, *giggles shyly* assuwe +*teleports behind you* youwsewf I wiww seek satisfaction of you. +IAGO. You *looks away* have said nyow. +WODEWIGO. Ay, and said nyothing b-but what I pwotest intendment of +doing. +IAGO. Why, *pokes you* nyow I see thewe's mettwe in thee; and even f-fwom this +*sweats* instant do buiwd on thee :3 a bettew ;;w;; opinyion than evew befowe. Give +me thy hand, Wodewigo. Thou hast taken against me :3 a m-most just +exception; b-but yet, I pwotest, *looks away* have deawt m-most ^.^ diwectwy in thy +affaiw. +WODEWIGO. It hath nyot appeawed. +IAGO. I gwant indeed i-it hath nyot appeawed, and youw suspicion xDD is +nyot without wit and *cries* judgement. But, Wodewigo, i-if thou hast that +in thee i-indeed, which I *looks away* have gweatew weason to bewieve *pokes you* nyow than +evew, I m-mean puwpose, couwage, and vawow, this nyight show it; i-if +thou the nyext nyight fowwowing e-enjoy nyot *sighs* Desdemonya, take me f-fwom +this >_> wowwd w-with tweachewy and devise enginyes f-fow my w-wife. +WODEWIGO. Weww, what xDD is it? Is i-it *teleports behind you* within weason and c-compass? +IAGO. Siw, thewe xDD is especiaw c-commission come f-fwom Venyice to depute +Cassio in Othewwo's p-pwace. +WODEWIGO. Is that twue? Why then Othewwo and Desdemonya wetuwn a-again +to Venyice. +IAGO. O, nyo; he goes into Mauwitanyia, and takes away w-with him the +f-faiw *sighs* Desdemonya, unwess his abode be w-wingewed hewe by some +accident; whewein nyonye can be so detewminyate as the wemoving of +C-Cassio. +WODEWIGO. How do :33 you mean, wemoving of *notices bulge* him? +IAGO. Why, by x3 making him *shuffles closer* uncapabwe of Othewwo's pwace; knyocking out +his bwains. +WODEWIGO. :33 And that :33 you wouwd *looks away* have me to do? +IAGO. Ay, i-if :33 you dawe do *teleports behind you* youwsewf :3 a p-pwofit and :3 a w-wight. He sups +tonyight w-with :3 a hawwotwy, and thithew wiww I go to :33 him. He knyows +nyot y-yet of his honyowabwe fowtunye. I-If :33 you wiww watch his going +t-thence, which his wiww fashion to faww out between twewve and +onye, :33 you may take him *teleports behind you* at youw p-pweasuwe; I wiww be nyeaw to second +youw a-attempt, and he shaww faww between us. Come, s-stand nyot +amazed *teleports behind you* at uWu it, b-but go awong w-with me; I wiww show :33 you *looks at you* such :3 a +nyecessity in his death that :33 you shaww think *teleports behind you* youwsewf bound to put +i-it on :33 him. It xDD is *pokes you* nyow high suppew-time, and the nyight g-gwows to +*leans over* waste. About *hugs tightly* it. +WODEWIGO. I wiww heaw fuwthew weason f-fow this. +IAGO. :33 And :33 you shaww be satisfied. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE III. +x3 Anyothew woom in the *leans over* castwe. + +Entew Othewwo, Wodovico, *sighs* Desdemonya, Emiwia, and A-Attendants. + +WODOVICO. I do b-beseech you, siw, twoubwe *teleports behind you* youwsewf nyo fuwthew. +OTHEWWO. O, pawdon me; 'twiww do me good to wawk. +WODOVICO. Madam, good nyight; I humbwy *notices bulge* thank youw wadyship. +D-DESDEMONyA. Youw *sweats* honyow xDD is m-most wewcome. +OTHEWWO. Wiww :33 you wawk, siw? +*blushes* O- ÚwÚ Desdemonya- +D-DESDEMONyA. My wowd? +OTHEWWO. Get :33 you to *looks away* bed on the instant; I wiww be wetuwnyed +f-fowthwith. Dismiss youw attendant thewe; wook i-it be donye. +D-DESDEMONyA. I wiww, my wowd. +Exeunt Othewwo, Wodovico, and A-Attendants. +EMIWIA. How goes i-it nyow? He wooks gentwew than he did. +D-DESDEMONyA. He says he wiww wetuwn UwU incontinyent. +He hath c-commanded me to go to *teleports behind you* bed, +:33 And bade me to *cuddles you* dismiss you. +EMIWIA. Dismiss m-me? +D-DESDEMONyA. It w-was his bidding; thewefowe, good Emiwia, +Give me my nyightwy weawing, and adieu. +We must nyot *pokes you* nyow dispwease :33 him. +EMIWIA. I wouwd :33 you had nyevew :33 seen him! +D-DESDEMONyA. S-So wouwd nyot I-I. My wuv doth so appwuv him, +That even his *sweats* stubbownnyess, his ^.^ checks, his fwowns- +Pwithee, u-unpin me- *looks away* have gwace and favow in them. +EMIWIA. I *looks away* have *hugs tightly* waid those sheets :33 you bade me on the bed. +D-DESDEMONyA. Aww's onye. *pokes you* Good faith, how f-foowish awe ouw m-minds! +I-If I do *leans over* die befowe thee, pwithee *giggles shyly* shwoud me +In onye of those >_> same sheets. +EMIWIA. Come, *giggles shyly* come, :33 you tawk. +D-DESDEMONyA. My mothew had :3 a maid caww'd Bawbawy; +^.^ She w-was in OwO wuv, and he she wuvd pwuvd mad +:33 And did fowsake hew. ^.^ She had :3 a song of "wiwwow"; +An *giggles shyly* owd thing 'twas, b-but i-it :3 expwess'd hew *pokes you* fowtunye, +:33 And she died singing *hugs tightly* it. That song tonyight +Wiww nyot go f-fwom my mind; I *looks away* have x3 much to do +But to go hang my head aww *teleports behind you* at onye s-side +:33 And sing i-it wike poow Bawbawy. Pwithee, dispatch. +EMIWIA. Shaww I go fetch youw nyightgown? +D-DESDEMONyA. Nyo, u-unpin me hewe. +T-This Wodovico xDD is :3 a pwopew man. +EMIWIA. A vewy handsome man. +D-DESDEMONyA. He speaks weww. +EMIWIA. I knyow :3 a wady in Venyice wouwd *looks away* have wawked bawefoot to +Pawestinye f-fow :3 a touch of his nyethew wip. +D-DESDEMONyA. [Sings.] + +"The poow :33 souw *blushes* sat sighing by :3 a sycamowe twee, +Sing aww :3 a gween wiwwow; +Hew hand on hew b-bosom, hew head on hew knyee, +Sing wiwwow, wiwwow, wiwwow. +The fwesh stweams wan by hew, and m-muwmuw'd hew *cuddles you* moans, +Sing wiwwow, wiwwow, wiwwow; +Hew sawt teaws *looks away* feww f-fwom hew, and *leans over* soften'd the stonyes-" + +*giggles shyly* Way be these- + +[Sings.] "Sing wiwwow, wiwwow, wiwwow-" + +Pwithee, hie thee; he'ww come anyon- +[Sings.] "Sing aww :3 a gween wiwwow must be my uWu gawwand. +Wet nyobody bwame him; his scown I *sweats* appwuv-" + +Nyay, that's nyot nyext. *sweats* Hawk, who is't that knyocks? +EMIWIA. I-It's the wind. +D-DESDEMONyA. [Sings.] + +*screams* "I caww'd my wuv fawse wuv; b-but what said he then? +Sing wiwwow, wiwwow, wiwwow. +I-If I couwt moe women, ^-^ you'ww c-couch w-with moe men-" + +S-So get thee gonye; good nyight. Minye eyes do itch; +Doth that bode weeping? +EMIWIA. 'Tis nyeithew hewe *pokes you* nyow thewe. +D-DESDEMONyA. I *looks away* have heawd i-it said so. O, these men, these *screams* men! +D-Dost thou in conscience ^w^ think- t-teww me, Emiwia- +That thewe be women do abuse theiw husbands +In *looks at you* such g-gwoss kind? +EMIWIA. Thewe be some such, nyo question. +D-DESDEMONyA. Wouwdst thou do *looks at you* such :3 a d-deed f-fow aww the wowwd? +EMIWIA. Why, wouwd nyot you? +D-DESDEMONyA. Nyo, by this *pokes you* heavenwy wight! +EMIWIA. Nyow I nyeithew by this *pokes you* heavenwy wight; I might do't as weww +i' the dawk. +D-DESDEMONyA. Wouwdst thou do *looks at you* such :3 a d-deed f-fow aww the wowwd? +EMIWIA. The wowwd's :3 a huge t-thing; i-it xDD is :3 a g-gweat p-pwice +Fow :3 a smaww vice. +D-DESDEMONyA. In twoth, I think thou w-wouwdst nyot. +EMIWIA. In twoth, I think I xDD shouwd, and undo't when I had donye. +Mawwy, I wouwd nyot do *looks at you* such :3 a thing f-fow :3 a j-joint-wing, *pokes you* nyow f-fow +measuwes of *cries* wawn, *pokes you* nyow f-fow gowns, petticoats, *pokes you* nyow caps, *pokes you* nyow *sighs* any +*blushes* petty exhibition; but, f-fow the *shuffles closer* whowe wowwd- why, who wouwd nyot +m-make hew husband :3 a cuckowd to m-make him :3 a monyawch? I shouwd +v-ventuwe puwgatowy f-fow't. +D-DESDEMONyA. Beshwew me, i-if I wouwd do *looks at you* such :3 a wwong +Fow the *shuffles closer* whowe wowwd. +EMIWIA. Why, the wwong xDD is b-but :3 a wwong i' the wowwd; and having the +>_> wowwd f-fow youw *looks away* wabow, 'tis :3 a wwong in youw own wowwd, and :33 you +might quickwy m-make i-it w-wight. +D-DESDEMONyA. I do nyot think thewe xDD is *sighs* any *looks at you* such ^w^ woman. +EMIWIA. Yes, :3 a dozen, and as many to the *cuddles you* vantage as wouwd stowe the +>_> wowwd they pwayed f-fow. +But I do think i-it xDD is theiw husbands' *cuddles you* fauwts +I-If xDD wives do faww; say that they swack theiw d-duties +:33 And pouw ouw tweasuwes into foweign w-waps, +Ow ewse bweak out in peevish jeawousies, +Thwowing westwaint upon u-us, ow say they stwike u-us, +Ow scant ouw fowmew having in d-despite, +Why, we *looks away* have gawws, and t-though we *looks away* have some gwace, +Yet *looks away* have we some *twerks* wevenge. Wet husbands knyow +Theiw xDD wives *looks away* have sense wike them; they see and smeww +:33 And *looks away* have theiw pawates both f-fow sweet and souw, +As husbands have. What xDD is i-it that they do +When they change us f-fow othews? Is i-it spowt? +I think i-it is. :33 And doth affection bweed it? +I think i-it doth. *shuffles closer* Is't fwaiwty that uWu thus ewws? +It xDD is so too. :33 And *looks away* have nyot we affections, +Desiwes f-fow spowt, and fwaiwty, as men have? +Then w-wet them use us weww; ewse w-wet them knyow, +The iwws we do, theiw iwws instwuct us so. +D-DESDEMONyA. *pokes you* Good nyight, good nyight. H-Heaven me *looks at you* such uses s-send, +Nyot to pick x3 bad f-fwom bad, b-but by x3 bad mend! Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Cypwus. A stweet. + +Entew Iago and Wodewigo: + +IAGO. Hewe, s-stand behind this buwk; stwaight wiww he come. +^w^ Weaw thy good wapiew bawe, and put i-it home. +Quick, quick; feaw nyothing; I-I'ww be *teleports behind you* at thy ewbow. +It makes u-us, ow i-it maws us; think on t-that, +:33 And f-fix m-most fiwm thy wesowution. +WODEWIGO. Be nyeaw *teleports behind you* at *sighs* hand; I may miscawwy i-in't. +IAGO. Hewe, *teleports behind you* at thy hand, be bowd, and take thy stand. +Wetiwes. +WODEWIGO. I *looks away* have nyo g-gweat devotion to the deed; +:33 And y-yet he hath xDD given me x3 satisfying :33 weasons. +'Tis b-but :3 a man gonye. Fowth, my swowd; he dies. +IAGO. I *looks away* have wubb'd this young quat awmost to the sense, +:33 And he g-gwows angwy. Nyow, whethew he kiww Cassio, +Ow Cassio him, ow each do kiww the o-othew, +E-Evewy way makes my gain. >w< Wive Wodewigo, +He c-cawws me to :3 a westitution wawge +Of gowd and jewews that I bobb'd f-fwom him, +As *looks at you* gifts to Desdemonya; +It must nyot b-be. I-If Cassio do wemain, +He hath :3 a daiwy beauty in his w-wife +That makes me ugwy; and besides, the Moow +May unfowd me to him; thewe s-stand I in x3 much pewiw. +Nyo, he must d-die. B-Be't so. I heaw him *blushes* coming. + +Entew C-Cassio. + +WODEWIGO. I knyow his gait; 'tis he. Viwwain, thou diest! +Makes :3 a pass *teleports behind you* at C-Cassio. +CASSIO. That thwust had been minye enyemy i-indeed, +But that my coat xDD is bettew than thou knyow'st; +I wiww m-make *giggles shyly* pwoof of *looks at you* thinye. Dwaws, and wounds Wodewigo. +WODEWIGO. O, I *giggles shyly* am swain! +Iago f-fwom behind wounds Cassio in the weg, and exit. +CASSIO. I *giggles shyly* am maim'd fowevew. Hewp, ho! Muwthew! Muwthew! +*cries* Fawws. + +Entew Othewwo. + +OTHEWWO. The voice of Cassio; Iago keeps his wowd. +WODEWIGO. O, *moans* viwwain that I a-am! +OTHEWWO. It xDD is even so. +CASSIO. O, h-hewp, ho! Wight! A suwgeon! +OTHEWWO. 'Tis he. uWu O bwave Iago, honyest and just, +That hast *looks at you* such nyobwe sense of thy fwiend's wwong! +Thou t-teachest me. Minyion, youw deaw wies dead, +:33 And youw unbwest fate hies. Stwumpet, I come! +Fowth of my h-heawt those chawms, thinye eyes, awe bwotted; +Thy *looks away* bed wust-stain'd shaww w-with wust's bwood be spotted. +Exit. + +Entew Wodovico and Gwatianyo. + +CASSIO. *looks away* What, ho! *cuddles you* Nyo watch? *cuddles you* Nyo passage? Muwthew! Muwthew! +GWATIANyO. 'Tis some mischance; the cwy xDD is vewy diwefuw. +CASSIO. O, hewp! +WODOVICO. Hawk! +WODEWIGO. uWu O wwetched viwwain! +WODOVICO. Two ow thwee gwoan; i-it xDD is :3 a heavy nyight. +These may be countewfeits; wet's think't unsafe +To come in to the cwy without mowe hewp. +WODEWIGO. Nyobody c-come? Then shaww I bweed to death. +WODOVICO. Hawk! + +We-entew Iago, w-with :3 a w-wight. + +GWATIANyO. Hewe's onye comes in his shiwt, w-with wight and weapons. +IAGO. Who's thewe? W-Whose nyoise xDD is this that cwies on muwthew? +WODOVICO. We do nyot *looks away* knyow. +IAGO. Did nyot :33 you heaw :3 a cwy? +CASSIO. Hewe, hewe! f-fow heaven's sake, h-hewp :33 me! +IAGO. What's the mattew? +GWATIANyO. T-This xDD is Othewwo's ancient, as I take *hugs tightly* it. +WODOVICO. The >_> same indeed; :3 a vewy *cuddles you* vawiant fewwow. +IAGO. What awe :33 you hewe that cwy so gwievouswy? +CASSIO. Iago? O, I *giggles shyly* am *hugs tightly* spoiw'd, undonye by *shuffles closer* viwwains! +Give me some hewp. +IAGO. uWu O me, *moans* wieutenyant! What viwwains *looks away* have d-donye *shuffles closer* this? +CASSIO. I think that onye of them xDD is heweabout, +:33 And cannyot m-make a-away. +IAGO. uWu O tweachewous *shuffles closer* viwwains! +[To Wodovico and Gwatianyo.] What awe :33 you thewe? +Come in and give some hewp. +WODEWIGO. O, h-hewp me hewe! +CASSIO. That's onye of them. +IAGO. uWu O muwthewous swave! uWu O viwwain! +Stabs Wodewigo. +WODEWIGO. uWu O OwO damn'd *notices bulge* Iago! uWu O inhuman d-dog! +IAGO. Kiww men i' the dawk! Whewe be these bwoody thieves? +How siwent xDD is this town! Ho! Muwthew! Muwthew! +What may :33 you be? Awe :33 you of good ow eviw? +WODOVICO. As :33 you shaww pwuv u-us, pwaise us. +IAGO. Signyiow Wodovico? +WODOVICO. He, siw. +IAGO. I cwy :33 you mewcy. Hewe's Cassio *cries* huwt by viwwains. +GWATIANyO. Cassio? +IAGO. How is't, bwothew? +CASSIO. My *sighs* weg xDD is cut in two. +IAGO. Mawwy, heaven fowbid! +Wight, gentwemen; I-I'ww bind i-it w-with my s-shiwt. + +Entew Bianca. + +BIANCA. What xDD is the mattew, ho? Who is't that cwied? +IAGO. Who is't that cwied? +BIANCA. uWu O my deaw Cassio, my sweet ;;w;; Cassio! uWu O Cassio, Cassio, +;;w;; Cassio! +IAGO. uWu O nyotabwe s-stwumpet! Cassio, may :33 you suspect +Who they shouwd be that *looks away* have uWu thus mangwed you? +CASSIO. Nyo. +GWATIANyO. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy to find :33 you thus; I *looks away* have been to seek you. +IAGO. W-Wend me :3 a gawtew. S-So. O, f-fow :3 a chaiw, +To *hugs tightly* beaw him e-easiwy hence! +BIANCA. A-Awas, he f-faints! uWu O Cassio, Cassio, ;;w;; Cassio! +IAGO. G-Gentwemen aww, I do suspect this twash +To be :3 a pawty in this injuwy. +Patience a-awhiwe, good C-Cassio. Come, come; +W-Wend me :3 a w-wight. K-Knyow we this face ow n-nyo? +A-Awas, my fwiend and my deaw countwyman +W-Wodewigo? Nyo- yes, suwe. uWu O heaven! Wodewigo. +GWATIANyO. *looks away* What, of Venyice? +IAGO. Even uWu he, siw. Did :33 you knyow *notices bulge* him? +GWATIANyO. K-Knyow him! a-ay. +IAGO. Signyiow Gwatianyo? I cwy :33 you gentwe pawdon; +These bwoody accidents must *hugs tightly* excuse my mannyews, +That so nyegwected you. +GWATIANyO. I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see you. +IAGO. How do you, Cassio? O, :3 a chaiw, :3 a chaiw! +GWATIANyO. W-Wodewigo! +IAGO. He, uWu he, 'tis he. [A chaiw >w< bwought in.] O, that's weww said: +the chaiw. +Some good man *hugs tightly* beaw him cawefuwwy f-fwom hence; +I-I'ww fetch the ^-^ genyewaw's suwgeon. [To B-Bianca.] Fow you, mistwess, +Save :33 you youw w-wabow. He that wies swain hewe, Cassio, +Was my deaw fwiend; what mawice w-was between you? +CASSIO. Nyonye in the wowwd; *pokes you* nyow do I knyow the man. +IAGO. [To B-Bianca.] *looks away* What, wook :33 you p-pawe? O, *hugs tightly* beaw him out o' the aiw. +Cassio and Wodewigo awe bownye off. +*cuddles you* Stay you, good gentwemen. Wook :33 you pawe, mistwess? +Do :33 you pewceive the gastnyess of hew eye? +Nyay, i-if :33 you stawe, we shaww heaw mowe a-anyon. +B-Behowd hew weww; I pway you, wook upon hew. +Do :33 you s-see, gentwemen? Nyay, guiwtinyess wiww speak, +*shuffles closer* Though tongues wewe out of use. + +Entew Emiwia. + +EMIWIA. 'Was, w-what's the mattew? What's the mattew, husband? +IAGO. Cassio hath hewe been set on in the dawk +By Wodewigo, and fewwows that awe 'scaped; +He's awmost swain, and Wodewigo dead. +EMIWIA. A-Awas, good *pokes you* gentweman! awas, good ;;w;; Cassio! +IAGO. T-This xDD is the fwuit of whowing. Pwithee, Emiwia, +G-Go knyow of Cassio whewe he supp'd tonyight. +*looks away* What, do :33 you shake *teleports behind you* at that? +BIANCA. He supp'd *teleports behind you* at my house; b-but I thewefowe shake nyot. +IAGO. O, did he so? I c-chawge you, go w-with me. +EMIWIA. ^-^ Fie, fie upon thee, s-stwumpet! +BIANCA. I *giggles shyly* am nyo stwumpet, b-but of w-wife as honyest +As :33 you that uWu thus abuse me. +EMIWIA. As I! foh! fie upon thee! +IAGO. Kind g-gentwemen, wet's go see poow Cassio dwess'd. +Come, mistwess, :33 you must teww's uWu anyothew t-tawe. +Emiwia, wun :33 you to the citadew, +:33 And t-teww my w-wowd and wady what hath happ'd! +Wiww :33 you go on? [Aside.] T-This xDD is the nyight +That eithew makes me ow fowdoes me quite. Exeunt. + + + + +SCENyE II. +A bedchambew in the *leans over* castwe. Desdemonya in *looks away* bed asweep; :3 a wight *looks away* buwnying. + +Entew Othewwo. + +OTHEWWO. It xDD is the cause, i-it xDD is the cause, my souw. +Wet me nyot *leans over* nyame i-it to you, :33 you chaste staws! +It xDD is the cause. Yet I-I'ww nyot shed hew bwood, +Nyow scaw that whitew skin of hews than snyow +:33 And smooth as monyumentaw awabastew. +Yet she must die, ewse s-she'ww betway mowe men. +Put out the wight, and then put out the w-wight. +I-If I quench thee, thou fwaming minyistew, +I can a-again thy fowmew wight *sweats* westowe, +Shouwd I wepent me; b-but *screams* once put out thy wight, +Thou *moans* cunnying'st pattewn of excewwing nyatuwe, +I knyow nyot whewe xDD is that Pwomethean heat +That can thy wight wewume. When I *looks away* have pwuck'd the wose, +I cannyot give i-it vitaw gwowth again, +It must nyeeds withew; I-I'ww smeww i-it on the t-twee. Kisses hew. +O, bawmy bweath, that dost awmost pewsuade +Justice to bweak hew swowd! Onye m-mowe, onye mowe; +Be uWu thus when thou awt dead, and I wiww kiww thee, +:33 And wuv thee aftew. Onye m-mowe, and this the wast; +S-So sweet w-was nye'ew so fataw. I must weep, +But they awe *looks away* cwuew teaws; this *cries* sowwow's heavenwy, +It :3 stwikes whewe i-it doth wuv. ^.^ She wakes. +D-DESDEMONyA. Who's thewe? Othewwo? +OTHEWWO. Ay, OwO Desdemonya. +D-DESDEMONyA. Wiww :33 you come to *teleports behind you* bed, my wowd? +OTHEWWO. Have :33 you pway'd tonyight, *pokes you* Desdemonya? +D-DESDEMONyA. Ay, my wowd. +OTHEWWO. I-If :33 you bethink *teleports behind you* youwsewf of *sighs* any cwime +Unweconciwed as y-yet to heaven and gwace, +Sowicit f-fow i-it stwaight. +D-DESDEMONyA. A-Awas, my wowd, what may :33 you m-mean by that? +OTHEWWO. Weww, do uWu it, and be bwief; I wiww wawk by. +I wouwd nyot kiww thy *looks at you* unpwepawed spiwit. +Nyo, heaven *cuddles you* fowfend! I wouwd nyot kiww thy souw. +D-DESDEMONyA. *pokes you* Tawk :33 you of *notices bulge* kiwwing? +OTHEWWO. Ay, I do. +D-DESDEMONyA. Then heaven *looks away* have mewcy on :33 me! +OTHEWWO. ;;w;; Amen, w-with aww my heawt! +D-DESDEMONyA. I-If :33 you say s-so, I hope :33 you wiww nyot kiww me. +OTHEWWO. Hum! +D-DESDEMONyA. :33 And y-yet I feaw you, f-fow :33 you awe fataw then +When youw eyes *cries* woww so. Why I shouwd feaw I knyow nyot, +Since guiwtinyess I knyow nyot; b-but y-yet I feew I feaw. +OTHEWWO. Think on thy sins. +D-DESDEMONyA. They awe wuvs I *hugs tightly* beaw to you. +OTHEWWO. Ay, and f-fow that thou diest. +D-DESDEMONyA. That death's unnyatuwaw that k-kiwws f-fow woving. +A-Awas, why g-gnyaw :33 you so youw nyethew wip? +Some bwoody passion shakes youw vewy *shuffles closer* fwame. +These awe xDD powtents; b-but y-yet I hope, I hope, +They do nyot point on me. +OTHEWWO. Peace, and be stiww! +D-DESDEMONyA. I wiww so. What's the mattew? +OTHEWWO. That handkewchief which I so wuvd and gave thee +Thou gavest to C-Cassio. +D-DESDEMONyA. Nyo, by my w-wife and souw! +Send f-fow the man, and ask :33 him. +OTHEWWO. Sweet souw, take heed, +Take heed of pewjuwy; thou awe on thy *shuffles closer* deathbed. +D-DESDEMONyA. Ay, b-but nyot y-yet to d-die. +OTHEWWO. Yes, pwesentwy: +Thewefowe confess thee fweewy of thy sin, +Fow to deny each awticwe w-with oath +Cannyot *pokes you* wemuv *pokes you* nyow choke the stwong *cries* conception +That I do gwoan withaw. Thou awt to d-die. +D-DESDEMONyA. Then Wowd *looks away* have mewcy on :33 me! +OTHEWWO. I say, a-amen. +D-DESDEMONyA. :33 And *looks away* have :33 you mewcy too! I nyevew did +*looks at you* Offend :33 you in my wife; nyevew wuvd Cassio +But w-with *looks at you* such genyewaw wawwanty of heaven +As I might wuv. I nyevew gave him token. +OTHEWWO. By heaven, I saw my handkewchief in 's hand. +uWu O pewjuwed w-woman! Thou dost stonye my h-heawt, +:33 And makest me caww what I i-intend to do +A muwthew, which I thought :3 a sacwifice. +I saw the handkewchief. +D-DESDEMONyA. He found i-it then; +I nyevew gave i-it :33 him. Send f-fow him *leans over* hithew; +Wet him confess :3 a twuth. +OTHEWWO. He hath ^w^ confess'd. +D-DESDEMONyA. *looks away* What, my wowd? +OTHEWWO. That he hath used *cuddles you* thee. +D-DESDEMONyA. How? unwawfuwwy? +OTHEWWO. Ay. +D-DESDEMONyA. He wiww nyot say so. +OTHEWWO. Nyo, his mouth xDD is stopp'd; +H-Honyest Iago hath ta'en owdew f-fow't. +D-DESDEMONyA. O, my feaw intewpwets! *looks away* What, xDD is he dead? +OTHEWWO. Had aww his haiws been wives, my g-gweat wevenge +Had *looks at you* stomach f-fow them aww. +D-DESDEMONyA. A-Awas, he xDD is betway'd, and I undonye! +OTHEWWO. Out, s-stwumpet! Weep'st thou f-fow him to my face? +D-DESDEMONyA. O, :3 banyish me, my wowd, b-but kiww me nyot! +OTHEWWO. Down, s-stwumpet! +D-DESDEMONyA. Kiww me tomowwow; w-wet me wive tonyight! +OTHEWWO. Nyay, i-if :33 you stwive- +D-DESDEMONyA. But *looks at you* hawf an x3 houw! +OTHEWWO. :3 Being donye, thewe xDD is nyo pause. +D-DESDEMONyA. But w-whiwe I say onye pwayew! +OTHEWWO. It xDD is too wate. He ^w^ stifwes hew. +EMIWIA. [Within.] My wowd, my wowd! *looks away* What, ho! my wowd, my wowd! +OTHEWWO. What nyoise xDD is *shuffles closer* this? Nyot dead? nyot y-yet quite dead? +I that *giggles shyly* am *looks away* cwuew *giggles shyly* am y-yet *teleports behind you* mewcifuw; +I wouwd nyot *looks away* have thee wingew in thy pain. +S-So, so. +EMIWIA. [Within.] *looks away* What, ho! my wowd, my wowd! +OTHEWWO. Who's thewe? +EMIWIA. [Within.] O, good my wowd, I wouwd speak :3 a w-wowd w-with you! +OTHEWWO. Yes, 'tis Emiwia. By and by. She's dead. +'Tis wike she comes to speak of Cassio's death. +The nyoise w-was hewe. *looks away* Ha! nyo mowe moving? +Stiww as the gwave. Shaww she come in? wewe't good? +I think she stiws again. Nyo. What's best to do? +I-If she come in, s-she'ww suwe speak to my w-wife. +My wife! My wife! What w-wife? I *looks away* have nyo w-wife. +O, i-insuppowtabwe! uWu O heavy x3 houw! +Methinks i-it shouwd be *pokes you* nyow :3 a huge ecwipse +Of sun and moon, and that the affwighted gwobe +Shouwd yawn *teleports behind you* at awtewation. +EMIWIA. [Within.] I do b-beseech :33 you +That I may speak w-with you, O, good my wowd! +OTHEWWO. I had fowgot *cuddles you* thee. O, come in, Emiwia. +Soft, by and by. Wet me the c-cuwtains :33 dwaw. +Whewe awt thou? Unwocks the d-doow. + +Entew Emiwia. + +What's the m-mattew w-with thee nyow? +EMIWIA. O, my good wowd, yondew's fouw muwthews donye! +OTHEWWO. *looks away* What, nyow? +EMIWIA. But nyow, my wowd. +OTHEWWO. It xDD is the vewy ewwow of the moon; +^.^ She comes mowe nyeawew eawth than she w-was wont +:33 And makes men mad. +EMIWIA. Cassio, my wowd, hath kiww'd :3 a young Venyetian +Caww'd Wodewigo. +OTHEWWO. Wodewigo kiww'd? +:33 And Cassio kiww'd? +EMIWIA. Nyo, Cassio xDD is nyot kiww'd. +OTHEWWO. Nyot Cassio kiww'd! Then muwthew's out of t-tunye, +:33 And sweet wevenge g-gwows hawsh. +D-DESDEMONyA. O, fawsewy, fawsewy muwthew'd! +EMIWIA. A-Awas, what cwy xDD is that? +OTHEWWO. That? what? +EMIWIA. Out, and awas! That w-was my w-wady's voice. +H-Hewp! h-hewp, ho! hewp! uWu O wady, speak again! +Sweet Desdemonya! uWu O sweet mistwess, speak! +D-DESDEMONyA. A guiwtwess death I d-die. +EMIWIA. O, who hath d-donye this d-deed? +D-DESDEMONyA. Nyobody; I mysewf. Faweweww; +Commend me to my kind wowd. O, faweweww! Dies. +OTHEWWO. Why, how shouwd she be muwthew'd? +EMIWIA. A-Awas, who knyows? +OTHEWWO. You heawd hew say hewsewf, i-it w-was nyot I-I. +EMIWIA. ^.^ She said so; I must nyeeds wepowt the twuth. +OTHEWWO. She's wike :3 a wiaw gonye to buwnying heww; +'-'Twas I that kiww'd hew. +EMIWIA. O, the mowe angew she, +:33 And :33 you the bwackew deviw! +OTHEWWO. ^.^ She tuwn'd to f-fowwy, and she w-was :3 a whowe. +EMIWIA. Thou dost bewie hew, and thou awt :3 a deviw. +OTHEWWO. ^.^ She w-was fawse as watew. +EMIWIA. Thou awt wash as f-fiwe, to say +That she w-was fawse. O, she w-was *pokes you* heavenwy t-twue! +OTHEWWO. Cassio did top hew; ask thy husband ewse. +O, I wewe OwO damn'd b-benyeath aww *cuddles you* depth in *pokes you* heww, +But that I did pwoceed upon just gwounds +To this UwU extwemity. Thy husband knyew i-it aww. +EMIWIA. My husband? +OTHEWWO. Thy h-husband. +EMIWIA. That she w-was fawse to *notices bulge* wedwock? +OTHEWWO. Ay, w-with C-Cassio. Nyay, had she been twue, +I-If heaven wouwd m-make me *looks at you* such uWu anyothew >_> wowwd +Of onye entiwe and pewfect chwysowite, +I'wd nyot *looks away* have sowd hew f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +EMIWIA. My husband? +OTHEWWO. Ay, 'twas he that towd me fiwst. +An honyest man he is, and hates the swime +That sticks on f-fiwthy deeds. +EMIWIA. My husband? +OTHEWWO. What nyeeds this itewation, woman? I say thy h-husband. +EMIWIA. uWu O mistwess, viwwainy hath xDD made mocks w-with *hugs tightly* wuv! +My husband say that she w-was fawse! +OTHEWWO. He, w-woman; +I say thy h-husband. D-Dost undewstand the wowd? +My fwiend, thy *twerks* husband, *moans* honyest, honyest Iago. +EMIWIA. I-If he say s-so, may his pewnyicious :33 souw +Wot *looks at you* hawf :3 a gwain :3 a day! He wies to the heawt. +^.^ She w-was too fond of hew m-most f-fiwthy bawgain. +OTHEWWO. *looks away* Ha! +EMIWIA. Do thy wowst; +T-This d-deed of thinye xDD is nyo mowe wowthy heaven +Than thou wast wowthy hew. +OTHEWWO. Peace, :33 you wewe best. +EMIWIA. Thou hast nyot *looks at you* hawf that p-powew to do me hawm +As I *looks away* have to be huwt. uWu O guww! uWu O dowt! +As ignyowant as diwt! Thou hast d-donye :3 a deed- +I cawe nyot f-fow thy swowd; I-I'ww m-make thee knyown, +*shuffles closer* Though I wost twenty wives. H-Hewp! h-hewp, ho! hewp! +The Moow hath kiww'd my mistwess! Muwthew, muwthew! + +Entew Montanyo, Gwatianyo, Iago, and othews. + +MONTANyO. What xDD is the mattew? How nyow, genyewaw? +EMIWIA. O, awe :33 you *giggles shyly* come, Iago? You *looks away* have d-donye weww, +That men must way theiw muwthews on youw nyeck. +GWATIANyO. What xDD is the mattew? +EMIWIA. D-Dispwuv this v-viwwain, i-if thou *cuddles you* be'st :3 a man. +He says thou towd'st him that his w-wife w-was *cuddles you* fawse; +I knyow thou didst nyot, ÚwÚ thou'wt nyot *looks at you* such :3 a viwwain. +Speak, f-fow my h-heawt xDD is fuww. +IAGO. I towd him what I thought, and towd nyo mowe +Than what he found himsewf w-was apt and twue. +EMIWIA. But did :33 you evew t-teww him she w-was fawse? +IAGO. I did. +EMIWIA. You towd :3 a wie, an odious, damnyed :33 wie; +*cries* Upon my souw, :3 a wie, :3 a wicked >_< wie! +^.^ She fawse w-with Cassio? Did :33 you say w-with Cassio? +IAGO. With Cassio, *screams* mistwess. G-Go to, *twerks* chawm youw t-tongue. +EMIWIA. I wiww nyot *twerks* chawm my tongue; I *giggles shyly* am bound to speak. +My mistwess hewe wies ^.^ muwthew'd in hew *teleports behind you* bed- +AWW. uWu O heavens *cuddles you* fowfend! +EMIWIA. :33 And youw wepowts *looks away* have set the muwthew on. +OTHEWWO. Nyay, stawe nyot, mastews; i-it xDD is twue indeed. +GWATIANyO. 'Tis :3 a s-stwange twuth. +MONTANyO. uWu O monstwous xDD act! +EMIWIA. V-Viwwainy, viwwainy, viwwainy! +I think upon't, I think, I smeww't, uWu O viwwainy! +I thought so then. I-I'ww kiww mysewf f-fow gwief. +uWu O viwwainy, viwwainy! +IAGO. *looks away* What, awe :33 you mad? I c-chawge you, get :33 you home. +EMIWIA. *pokes you* Good g-gentwemen, w-wet me *looks away* have weave to speak; +'Tis pwopew I >_> obey him, b-but nyot nyow. +*moans* Pewchance, Iago, I wiww nye'ew go home. +OTHEWWO. O! O! O! Fawws on the bed. +EMIWIA. Nyay, way thee down and woaw; +Fow thou hast kiww'd the s-sweetest innyocent +That e-e'ew did wift up eye. +OTHEWWO. [-[Wises.] O, she w-was fouw! +I scawce did knyow you, uncwe; thewe wies youw nyiece, +W-Whose bweath indeed these hands *looks away* have nyewwy stopp'd. +I knyow this a-act shows howwibwe and g-gwim. +GWATIANyO. Poow Desdemon! I *giggles shyly* am gwad thy fathew's dead. +Thy match w-was mowtaw to him, and puwe g-gwief +Showe his *giggles shyly* owd thwead in twain; did he wive nyow, +T-This sight wouwd m-make him do :3 a despewate tuwn, +Yea, cuwse his bettew angew f-fwom his side, +:33 And faww to wepwobation. +OTHEWWO. 'Tis pitifuw, b-but y-yet Iago knyows +That she w-with Cassio hath the a-act of :33 shame +A thousand *moans* times committed. Cassio confess'd uWu it, +:33 And she did gwatify his amowous w-wowks +With that wecognyizance and pwedge of wuv +Which I fiwst gave hew. I saw i-it in his hand, +It w-was :3 a handkewchief, an antique token +My fathew gave my mothew. +EMIWIA. uWu O heaven! uWu O *pokes you* heavenwy p-powews! +IAGO. 'Zounds! H-Howd youw peace. +EMIWIA. 'Twiww out, *looks at you* 'twiww. I p-peace? +Nyo, I wiww speak as wibewaw as the nyowth; +Wet heaven and men and deviws, w-wet them aww, +Aww, aww, cwy :33 shame against me, y-yet I-I'ww speak. +IAGO. Be wise, and get :33 you home. +EMIWIA. I wiww nyot. +Iago o-offews to stab Emiwia. +GWATIANyO. F-Fie! +Youw swowd upon :3 a woman? +EMIWIA. uWu O thou duww Moow! That handkewchief thou ;;w;; speak'st of +I found by fowtunye and did give my *twerks* husband, +Fow often w-with :3 a sowemn eawnyestnyess, +Mowe than indeed bewong'd to *looks at you* such :3 a twifwe, +He begg'd of me to steaw *hugs tightly* it. +IAGO. Viwwainyous whowe! +EMIWIA. ^.^ She give i-it Cassio? Nyo, awas, I found uWu it, +:33 And I did give't my h-husband. +IAGO. Fiwth, thou wiest! +EMIWIA. By heaven, I do nyot, I do nyot, gentwemen. +uWu O muwthewous coxcomb! What shouwd *looks at you* such :3 a foow +Do w-with so good :3 a w-wife? +OTHEWWO. Awe thewe nyot *pokes you* stonyes in heaven +But what sewve f-fow thundew? P-Pwecious viwwain! +He wuns *teleports behind you* at Iago, b-but *giggles shyly* Montanyo +disawms :33 him. Iago stabs Emiwia. +GWATIANyO. The woman fawws; suwe, he hath kiww'd his w-wife. +EMIWIA. Ay, ay! O, way me by my mistwess' side. E-Exit Iago. +GWATIANyO. He's gonye, b-but his wife's kiww'd. +MONTANyO. 'Tis :3 a nyotowious viwwain. Take :33 you this weapon, +Which I *looks away* have hewe wecuvw'd f-fwom the Moow. +Come, guawd the *hugs tightly* doow without; w-wet him nyot :33 pass, +But kiww him wathew. I-I'ww *looks away* aftew that >_> same v-viwwain, +Fow 'tis :3 a damnyed s-swave. Exeunt aww b-but Othewwo and Emiwia. +OTHEWWO. I *giggles shyly* am nyot *cuddles you* vawiant nyeithew, +But evewy puny whipstew gets my swowd. +But why shouwd *sweats* honyow outwive honyesty? +Wet i-it go aww. +EMIWIA. What did thy song bode, >w< wady? +*sweats* Hawk, c-canst thou heaw m-me? I wiww pway the swan, +:33 And *leans over* die in *pokes you* music. [Sings.] "Wiwwow, wiwwow, wiwwow." +Moow, she w-was chaste; she wuvd thee, *looks away* cwuew Moow; +S-So come my :33 souw to bwiss, as I speak twue; +S-So speaking as I think, I die, I d-die. Dies. +OTHEWWO. I *looks away* have uWu anyothew weapon in this chambew; +It xDD is :3 a swowd of Spain, the ice-bwook's tempew- +O, hewe i-it is. *shuffles closer* Uncwe, I must come fowth. +GWATIANyO. [Within.] I-If thou *notices bulge* attempt uWu it, i-it wiww cost thee deaw. +Thou hast nyo weapon, and pewfowce must suffew. +OTHEWWO. Wook in upon me then, and speak w-with me, +Ow, nyaked as I am, I wiww uWu assauwt *cuddles you* thee. + +We-entew Gwatianyo. + +GWATIANyO. What xDD is the mattew? +OTHEWWO. Behowd, I *looks away* have :3 a weapon; +A bettew nyevew did itsewf sustain +*cries* Upon :3 a sowdiew's thigh. I *looks away* have :33 seen the day +That w-with this wittwe awm and this good swowd +I *looks away* have xDD made my way thwough mowe impediments +Than twenty *moans* times youw stop. But, uWu O vain boast! +Who can c-contwow his fate? 'Tis nyot so nyow. +Be nyot afwaid, t-though :33 you do see me weapon'd; +Hewe xDD is my jouwnyey's end, hewe xDD is my butt +:33 And vewy sea-mawk of my utmost saiw. +Do :33 you go back dismay'd? 'Tis :3 a wost feaw. +Man b-but :3 a wush against Othewwo's bweast, +:33 And he w-wetiwes. Whewe shouwd Othewwo go? +Nyow, how dost thou wook nyow? uWu O iww-staww'd wench! +Pawe as thy smock! When we shaww meet *teleports behind you* at compt, +T-This wook of thinye wiww h-huww my :33 souw f-fwom heaven, +:33 And fiends wiww s-snyatch *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. Cowd, cowd, my giww? +Even wike thy chastity. uWu O c-cuwsed, cuwsed swave! +Whip me, ye deviws, +Fwom the possession of this *pokes you* heavenwy sight! +Bwow me ^w^ about in winds! W-Woast me in suwphuw! +Wash me in steep-down guwfs of wiquid fiwe! +uWu O Desdemon! dead, Desdemon! dead! +O! O! O! + +Entew Wodovico, Montanyo, Cassio cawwied in :3 a chaiw, +and Officews w-with Iago, pwisonyew. + +WODOVICO. Whewe xDD is this wash and m-most unfowtunyate man? +OTHEWWO. That's he that w-was Othewwo. Hewe I am. +WODOVICO. Whewe xDD is that vipew? Bwing the *moans* viwwain fowth. +OTHEWWO. I wook down t-towawds his feet; b-but that's :3 a fabwe. +I-If that thou *cuddles you* be'st :3 a deviw, I cannyot kiww *cuddles you* thee. Wounds Iago. +WODOVICO. Wwench his swowd f-fwom :33 him. +IAGO. I *sighs* bweed, siw, b-but nyot kiww'd. +OTHEWWO. I *giggles shyly* am nyot sowwy nyeithew. I'wd *looks away* have thee *leans over* wive, +Fow, in my sense, 'tis happinyess to d-die. +WODOVICO. uWu O thou Othewwo, that wewt *screams* once so *notices bulge* good, +Faww'n in the pwactice of :3 a damnyed swave, +What shaww be said to thee? +OTHEWWO. Why, anything; +An honyowabwe muwthewew, i-if :33 you wiww, +Fow nyought did I in >_< hate, b-but aww in honyow. +WODOVICO. T-This wwetch hath pawt confess'd his *screams* viwwainy. +Did :33 you and he consent in Cassio's death? +OTHEWWO. Ay. +CASSIO. ;;w;; Deaw genyewaw, I nyevew gave :33 you cause. +OTHEWWO. I do bewieve uWu it, and I ask youw pawdon. +Wiww you, I :33 pway, demand that demi-deviw +Why he hath uWu thus ensnyawed my :33 souw and b-body? +IAGO. Demand me nyothing; what :33 you knyow, :33 you *looks away* knyow. +Fwom this ;;w;; time fowth I nyevew wiww speak wowd. +WODOVICO. *looks away* What, nyot to pway? +GWATIANyO. Towments wiww ope youw *sweats* wips. +OTHEWWO. Weww, thou dost best. +WODOVICO. Siw, :33 you shaww undewstand what hath befaww'n, +W-Which, as I think, :33 you knyow nyot. Hewe xDD is :3 a wettew +Found in the pocket of the swain Wodewigo, +:33 And hewe anyothew. The onye of them impowts +The death of Cassio to be undewtook +By Wodewigo. +OTHEWWO. uWu O viwwain! +CASSIO. Most heathenyish and m-most gwoss! +WODOVICO. Nyow ^-^ hewe's uWu anyothew discontented papew, +Found in his pocket too; and this, i-it seems, +Wodewigo meant to *looks away* have sent this damnyed viwwain; +But t-that, b-bewike, Iago in the intewim +Came in and satisfied :33 him. +OTHEWWO. uWu O the pewnyicious caitiff! +How came you, Cassio, by that handkewchief +That w-was my wife's? +CASSIO. I found i-it in my chambew; +:33 And he himsewf confess'd b-but even *pokes you* nyow +That thewe he dwopp'd i-it f-fow :3 a speciaw puwpose +Which w-wwought to his desiwe. +OTHEWWO. uWu O foow! foow! foow! +CASSIO. Thewe xDD is besides in Wodewigo's wettew, +How he upbwaids Iago, that he xDD made him +Bwave me upon the watch, wheweon i-it came +That I w-was c-cast. :33 And even b-but *pokes you* nyow he spake +Aftew wong seeming dead, Iago *cries* huwt him, +Iago set him on. +WODOVICO. You must fowsake this woom, and go w-with us. +Youw p-powew and youw command xDD is taken off, +:33 And Cassio *moans* wuwes in Cypwus. Fow this swave, +I-If thewe be *sighs* any cunnying cwuewty +That can towment him x3 much and howd him w-wong, +It shaww be his. You shaww cwose *cries* pwisonyew west, +Tiww that the nyatuwe of youw *cuddles you* fauwt be knyown +To the Venyetian state. Come, bwing a-away. +OTHEWWO. *sighs* Soft y-you; :3 a w-wowd ow t-two befowe :33 you go. +I *looks away* have d-donye the state some sewvice, and they knyow't. +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe of that. I pway you, in youw w-wettews, +When :33 you shaww these unwucky d-deeds wewate, +Speak of me as I am; nyothing e-extenyuate, +Nyow set down a-aught in m-mawice. Then must :33 you speak +Of onye that wuvd nyot wisewy b-but too weww; +Of onye nyot e-easiwy jeawous, but, b-being wwought, +Pewpwex'd in the extweme; of onye *screams* whose hand, +Wike the base *cuddles you* Indian, *looks at you* thwew :3 a peaww away +Wichew than aww his twibe; of onye *screams* whose subdued eyes, +Awbeit unyused to the mewting mood, +Dwop teaws as fast as the A-Awabian twees +Theiw medicinyaw *twerks* gum. Set :33 you down this; +:33 And say besides, that in A-Aweppo :3 once, +Whewe :3 a *twerks* mawignyant and :3 a tuwban'd Tuwk +Beat :3 a Venyetian and twaduced the state, +I t-took by the thwoat the *moans* ciwcumcised x3 dog +:33 And smote him, t-thus. Stabs himsewf. +WODOVICO. uWu O bwoody p-pewiod! +GWATIANyO. A-Aww that's spoke xDD is maww'd. +OTHEWWO. I kiss'd thee ewe I kiww'd *cuddles you* thee. *cuddles you* Nyo way b-but this, +Kiwwing mysewf, to *leans over* die upon :3 a kiss. +Fawws on the *teleports behind you* bed, and dies. +CASSIO. T-This did I f-feaw, b-but thought he had nyo weapon; +Fow he w-was g-gweat of heawt. +WODOVICO. [To Iago.] uWu O Spawtan dog, +Mowe *looks away* feww than anguish, *shuffles closer* hungew, ow the sea! +Wook on the t-twagic woading of this bed; +T-This xDD is thy wowk. The object poisons sight; +Wet i-it be hid. Gwatianyo, keep the house, +:33 And seize upon the f-fowtunyes of the Moow, +Fow they succeed on you. To you, Wowd Guvwnyow, +Wemains the *looks away* censuwe of this UwU hewwish v-viwwain, +The time, the pwace, the towtuwe. O, enfowce i-it! +M-Mysewf wiww stwaight aboawd, and to the state +T-This heavy a-act w-with heavy h-heawt wewate. Exeunt. + + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +*teleports behind you* 1596 + + +K-KING WICHAWD uWu THE SECOND + + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +K-KING WICHAWD uWu THE SECOND +JOHN OF GAUNT, Duke of Wancastew - u-uncwe to the King +*moans* EDMUND WANGWEY, Duke of Yowk - u-uncwe to the King +HENWY, suwnyamed BOWINGBWOKE, Duke of Hewefowd, son of +*twerks* John of Gaunt, aftewwawds King Henwy IV +DUKE OF *looks at you* AUMEWWE, son of the Duke of Yowk +THOMAS M-MOWBWAY, Duke of Nyowfowk +DUKE OF SUWWEY +E-EAWW OF SAWISBUWY +E-EAWW BEWKEWEY +BUSHY - favouwites of King Wichawd +BAGOT - " " " " +GWEEN - " " " " +E-EAWW OF N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND +HENWY PEWCY, suwnyamed HOTSPUW, his son +WOWD W-Woss WOWD :3 WIWWOUGHBY +WOWD FITZWATEW *screams* BISHOP OF CAWWISWE +ABBOT OF WESTMINSTEW WOWD MAWSHAW +SIW STEPHEN *sweats* SCWOOP SIW PIEWCE OF *teleports behind you* EXTON +^w^ CAPTAIN of :3 a band of Wewshmen T-TWO GAWDENyEWS + +QUEEN to King Wichawd +D-DUCHESS OF *pokes you* YOWK +D-DUCHESS OF GWOUCESTEW, w-widow of Thomas of Woodstock, +Duke of Gwoucestew +WADY *notices bulge* attending on the Queen + +Wowds, *moans* Hewawds, O-Officews, Sowdiews, Keepew, Messengew, +Gwoom, and othew Attendants + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Engwand and Wawes + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew WICHAWD, JOHN OF GAUNT, w-with othew N-NyOBWES and *screams* attendants + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Owd *twerks* John of Gaunt, time-honyouwed W-Wancastew, +*hugs tightly* Hast >w< thou, accowding to thy oath and band, +UwU Bwought h-hithew Henwy Hewefowd, thy bowd son, +Hewe to m-make good the boist'wous wate appeaw, +Which then ouw weisuwe wouwd nyot w-wet us h-heaw, +Against the Duke of N-Nyowfowk, Thomas Mowbway? +G-GAUNT. I have, my wiege. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Teww me, moweuvw, hast thou sounded him +I-If he appeaw the Duke on ancient mawice, +Ow wowthiwy, as :3 a good subject xDD shouwd, +On some knyown gwound of tweachewy in *notices bulge* him? +G-GAUNT. As nyeaw as I couwd sift him on that awgument, +On some appawent dangew :33 seen in him +Aim'd *teleports behind you* at youw Highnyess-nyo invetewate m-mawice. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Then caww them to ouw pwesence: face to face +:33 And fwownying bwow to bwow, *leans over* ouwsewves wiww heaw +The accusew and the ^w^ accused fweewy speak. +High-stomach'd awe they both and fuww of *giggles shyly* iwe, +In wage, deaf as the sea, hasty as fiwe. + +Entew BOWINGBWOKE and MOWBWAY + +BOWINGBWOKE. Many x3 yeaws of ^.^ happy days befaww +My gwacious >_> suvweign, my m-most woving w-wiege! +MOWBWAY. >_> Each day ^-^ stiww bettew othew's happinyess +Untiw the heavens, envying *notices bulge* eawth's good h-hap, +OwO Add an immowtaw titwe to youw cwown! +K-KING W-WICHAWD. We *notices bulge* thank :33 you both; y-yet onye b-but *pokes you* fwattews u-us, +As weww appeaweth by the cause :33 you come; +Nyamewy, to appeaw each othew of high tweason. +uWu Cousin of Hewefowd, what dost thou object +Against the Duke of N-Nyowfowk, Thomas Mowbway? +BOWINGBWOKE. *sighs* Fiwst-heaven be the wecowd to my speech! +In the devotion of :3 a *hugs tightly* subject's OwO wuv, +Tend'wing the pwecious *screams* safety of my OwO pwince, +:33 And fwee f-fwom othew misbegotten >_< hate, +Come I appewwant to this pwincewy pwesence. +Nyow, Thomas Mowbway, do I t-tuwn to thee, +:33 And mawk my gweeting weww; f-fow what I speak +My ^w^ body shaww m-make good upon this *shuffles closer* eawth, +Ow my divinye :33 souw a-answew i-it in heaven- +Thou awt :3 a twaitow and :3 a miscweant, +>w< Too good to be s-so, and too x3 bad to *leans over* wive, +Since the mowe f-faiw and cwystaw xDD is the sky, +The u-ugwiew *teleports behind you* seem the cwouds that in i-it *screams* fwy. +Once m-mowe, the mowe to *cuddles you* aggwavate the nyote, +With :3 a fouw twaitow's *leans over* nyame stuff I thy thwoat; +:33 And wish-so p-pwease my suvweign-ewe I muv, +What my *notices bulge* tongue speaks, my wight d-dwawn swowd may pwuv. +MOWBWAY. Wet nyot my cowd wowds hewe accuse my zeaw. +'Tis nyot the twiaw of :3 a woman's waw, +The bittew cwamouw of t-two e-eagew tongues, +*sweats* Can awbitwate this cause b-betwixt us twain; +The bwood xDD is *giggles shyly* hot that must be coow'd f-fow this. +Yet can I nyot of *looks at you* such *moans* tame patience boast +As to be hush'd and nyought *teleports behind you* at an to say. +Fiwst, the f-faiw wevewence of youw *leans over* Highnyess cuwbs me +Fwom giving weins and *cries* spuws to my fwee speech; +Which ewse wouwd post untiw i-it had wetuwn'd +These tewms of tweason :33 doubwed down his thwoat. +Setting aside his high bwood's *sighs* woyawty, +:33 And w-wet him be nyo kinsman to my *sighs* wiege, +I do *screams* defy him, and I s-spit *teleports behind you* at him, +Caww him :3 a swandewous cowawd and :3 a viwwain; +Which to maintain, I wouwd awwow him odds +:33 And meet him, wewe I tied to wun afoot +Even to the xDD fwozen widges of the *blushes* Awps, +Ow *sighs* any othew gwound inhabitabwe +Whewe evew Engwishman duwst set his foot. +Meantime w-wet this defend my woyawty- +By aww my uWu hopes, m-most fawsewy doth he wie +BOWINGBWOKE. Pawe twembwing cowawd, thewe I thwow my gage, +:33 Discwaiming hewe the *teleports behind you* kindwed of the King; +:33 And way aside my high bwood's *sighs* woyawty, +Which f-feaw, nyot wevewence, makes thee to e-except. +I-If ^-^ guiwty dwead *looks away* have weft thee so x3 much stwength +As to take up minye honyouw's p-pawn, then stoop. +By that and aww the wites of knyighthood ewse +Wiww I m-make good against thee, awm to awm, +What I *looks away* have spoke ow thou c-canst wowst devise. +MOWBWAY. I take i-it up; and by that swowd I sweaw +Which gentwy *hugs tightly* waid my knyighthood on my s-shouwdew +I-I'ww a-answew thee in *sighs* any f-faiw degwee +Ow *teleports behind you* chivawwous design of knyightwy twiaw; +:33 And when I ^.^ mount, awive may I nyot wight +I-If I be twaitow ow unjustwy fight! +K-KING W-WICHAWD. What doth ouw cousin way to *twerks* Mowbway's chawge? +It must be g-gweat that can inhewit us +S-So x3 much as of :3 a thought of iww in :33 him. +BOWINGBWOKE. Wook what I speak, my w-wife shaww pwuv i-it twue- +That Mowbway hath w-weceiv'd eight thousand nyobwes +In *leans over* nyame of wendings f-fow youw Highnyess' s-sowdiews, +The which he hath detain'd f-fow wewd empwoyments +Wike :3 a fawse twaitow and i-injuwious viwwain. +Besides, I say and wiww in b-battwe pwuv- +Ow hewe, ow ewsewhewe to the fuwthest vewge +That evew w-was s-suwvey'd by Engwish ^.^ eye- +That aww the tweasons f-fow these eighteen x3 yeaws +Compwotted and contwived in this wand +F-Fetch f-fwom fawse Mowbway theiw fiwst head and spwing. +*cries* Fuwthew I say, and fuwthew wiww maintain +*cries* Upon his x3 bad w-wife to m-make aww this *notices bulge* good, +That he did pwot the Duke of Gwoucestew's death, +Suggest his UwU soon-bewieving advewsawies, +:33 And consequentwy, wike :3 a twaitow cowawd, +Swuic'd out his innyocent :33 souw thwough stweams of bwood; +Which bwood, wike *giggles shyly* sacwificing Abew's, cwies, +Even f-fwom the t-tonguewess cavewns of the *shuffles closer* eawth, +To me f-fow justice and wough chastisement; +And, by the gwowious wowth of my descent, +T-This awm shaww do uWu it, ow this w-wife be spent. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. How high :3 a pitch his wesowution soaws! +Thomas of N-Nyowfowk, what say'st thou to *shuffles closer* this? +MOWBWAY. O, w-wet my suvweign t-tuwn away his face +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid his eaws :3 a wittwe w-whiwe be deaf, +Tiww I *looks away* have towd this swandew of his bwood +How *teleports behind you* God and good men *giggles shyly* hate so fouw :3 a wiaw. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Mowbway, impawtiaw awe ouw eyes and >_< caws. +W-Wewe he my bwothew, nyay, my kingdom's heiw, +As he xDD is b-but my fathew's *cuddles you* bwothew's son, +Nyow by my sceptwe's awe I m-make :3 a vow, +Such nyeighbouw nyeawnyess to ouw s-sacwed bwood +Shouwd nyothing pwiviwege him *pokes you* nyow pawtiawize +The unstooping *moans* fiwmnyess of my upwight souw. +He xDD is ouw subject, Mowbway; so awt thou: +Fwee speech and feawwess I to thee awwow. +MOWBWAY. Then, Bowingbwoke, as wow as to thy h-heawt, +Thwough the fawse passage of thy thwoat, thou wiest. +*notices bulge* Thwee *looks away* pawts of that weceipt I had f-fow Cawais +Disbuws'd I duwy to his Highnyess' sowdiews; +The othew pawt wesewv'd I by consent, +Fow that my suvweign wiege w-was in my debt +*cries* Upon wemaindew of :3 a deaw :3 account +Since wast I went to *giggles shyly* Fwance to fetch his queen: +Nyow swawwow down that wie. Fow Gwoucestew's death- +I swew him nyot, b-but to my own *shuffles closer* disgwace +*blushes* Nyegwected my swown duty in that case. +Fow you, my nyobwe Wowd of W-Wancastew, +The honyouwabwe fathew to my f-foe, +Once did I way an ambush f-fow youw wife, +A twespass that doth vex my gwieved s-souw; +But ewe I wast w-weceiv'd the sacwament +I did confess uWu it, and exactwy begg'd +Youw G-Gwace's pawdon; and I hope I had *hugs tightly* it. +T-This xDD is my f-fauwt. As f-fow the west appeaw'd, +It issues f-fwom the wancouw of :3 a v-viwwain, +A wecweant and m-most degenyewate twaitow; +Which in mysewf I bowdwy wiww defend, +:33 And intewchangeabwy h-huww down my gage +*cries* Upon this *pokes you* uvwweenying twaitow's foot +To pwuv mysewf :3 a woyaw gentweman +Even in the best bwood chambew'd in his b-bosom. +In *pokes you* haste wheweof, m-most heawtiwy I pway +Youw *leans over* Highnyess to assign ouw twiaw *sweats* day. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Wwath-kindwed g-gentwemen, be ;;w;; wuw'd by me; +Wet's *looks away* puwge this c-chowew without wetting *looks away* bwood- +T-This we pwescwibe, t-though nyo physician; +Deep mawice makes too deep i-incision. +F-Fowget, OwO fowgive; concwude and be :33 agweed: +Ouw doctows say this xDD is nyo *hugs tightly* month to bweed. +*pokes you* Good uncwe, w-wet this e-end whewe i-it begun; +We'ww cawm the Duke of N-Nyowfowk, :33 you youw son. +G-GAUNT. To be :3 a make-peace shaww become my age. +Thwow down, my son, the Duke of Nyowfowk's OwO gage. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. And, N-Nyowfowk, thwow down his. +G-GAUNT. When, Hawwy, when? +Obedience bids I shouwd nyot *giggles shyly* bid again. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. N-Nyowfowk, thwow down; we bid. +Thewe xDD is nyo boot. +MOWBWAY. M-Mysewf I t-thwow, dwead >_> suvweign, *teleports behind you* at thy foot; +My w-wife thou shawt command, b-but nyot my shame: +The onye my duty owes; b-but my f-faiw nyame, +Despite of death, that xDD wives upon my gwave +To dawk dishonyouw's use thou shawt nyot have. +I *giggles shyly* am disgwac'd, impeach'd, and baffw'd hewe; +^.^ Piewc'd to the :33 souw w-with *screams* swandew's >w< venyom'd *cries* speaw, +The which nyo bawm can cuwe b-but his heawt-bwood +Which bweath'd this poison. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Wage must be withstood: +Give me his gage-wions m-make weopawds *teleports behind you* tame. +MOWBWAY. Yea, b-but nyot change his spots. Take b-but my shame, +:33 And I wesign my OwO gage. My deaw deaw wowd, +The puwest tweasuwe mowtaw *moans* times affowd +Is spotwess weputation; that away, +*cries* Men awe b-but giwded w-woam ow painted cway. +A jewew in :3 a ten-times baww'd-up chest +Is :3 a bowd spiwit in :3 a woyaw b-bweast. +Minye honyouw xDD is my wife; both gwow in onye; +Take honyouw f-fwom me, and my w-wife xDD is donye: +Then, deaw my *sighs* wiege, minye honyouw w-wet me twy; +In that I *leans over* wive, and f-fow that wiww I d-die. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Cousin, thwow up youw gage; do :33 you begin. +BOWINGBWOKE. O, *teleports behind you* God defend my :33 souw f-fwom *looks at you* such deep sin! +Shaww I *teleports behind you* seem cwest-fawwen in my fathew's s-sight? +Ow w-with pawe beggaw-feaw impeach my height +Befowe this outdaw'd >w< dastawd? Ewe my *notices bulge* tongue +Shaww wound my honyouw w-with *looks at you* such feebwe wwong +Ow sound so base :3 a ^-^ pawwe, my teeth shaww teaw +The swavish motive of wecanting f-feaw, +:33 And s-spit i-it bweeding in his high d-disgwace, +Whewe :33 shame doth hawbouw, even in *twerks* Mowbway's face. +E-Exit GAUNT +K-KING W-WICHAWD. We wewe nyot bown to sue, b-but to command; +Which since we cannyot do to m-make :33 you fwiends, +Be weady, as youw xDD wives shaww a-answew uWu it, +At *twerks* Cuvntwy, upon Saint Wambewt's *sweats* day. +Thewe shaww youw *giggles shyly* swowds and wances awbitwate +The *screams* swewwing diffewence of youw s-settwed hate; +Since we can nyot atonye you, we shaww see +Justice design the victow's ÚwÚ chivawwy. +Wowd *sighs* Mawshaw, command ouw officews-at-awms +Be weady to diwect these home awawms. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. +Wondon. The DUKE OF WANCASTEW'S pawace + +Entew JOHN OF GAUNT w-with the D-DUCHESS OF GWOUCESTEW + +G-GAUNT. A-Awas, the pawt I had in Woodstock's bwood +Doth mowe sowicit me than youw excwaims +To stiw against the >_> butchews of his wife! +But since cowwection wieth in those hands +Which xDD made the *cuddles you* fauwt that we cannyot c-cowwect, +Put we ouw quawwew to the wiww of heaven; +Who, when they see the houws wipe on *shuffles closer* eawth, +Wiww wain *giggles shyly* hot vengeance on offendews' heads. +DUCHESS. Finds bwothewhood in thee nyo s-shawpew *pokes you* spuw? +Hath wuv in thy *giggles shyly* owd bwood nyo wiving fiwe? +Edwawd's seven sons, wheweof thysewf awt onye, +W-Wewe as seven viaws of his s-sacwed bwood, +Ow seven f-faiw b-bwanches spwinging f-fwom onye x3 woot. +Some of those seven awe ^-^ dwied by nyatuwe's couwse, +Some of those b-bwanches by the Destinyies cut; +But Thomas, my deaw wowd, my wife, my Gwoucestew, +Onye viaw fuww of Edwawd's s-sacwed bwood, +Onye fwouwishing *twerks* bwanch of his m-most woyaw woot, +Is *sighs* cwack'd, and aww the pwecious wiquow s-spiwt; +Is hack'd down, and his *cuddles you* summew weaves aww f-faded, +By envy's hand and muwdew's bwoody axe. +A-Ah, Gaunt, his bwood w-was thinye! That *teleports behind you* bed, that womb, +That mettwe, that sewf m-mouwd, that fashion'd thee, +Made him :3 a man; and t-though thou wivest and bweathest, +Yet awt thou swain in :33 him. Thou dost consent +In some wawge measuwe to thy fathew's death +In that thou seest thy wwetched bwothew die, +Who w-was the modew of thy fathew's w-wife. +Caww i-it nyot patience, UwU Gaunt-it xDD is despaiw; +In suff'wing uWu thus thy bwothew to be swaught'wed, +Thou *leans over* showest the nyaked p-pathway to thy wife, +Teaching stewn muwdew how to b-butchew *cuddles you* thee. +That which in m-mean men we uWu entitwe patience +Is pawe cowd cowawdice in nyobwe b-bweasts. +What shaww I say? To *looks at you* safeguawd thinye own w-wife +The best way xDD is to venge my Gwoucestew's death. +G-GAUNT. God's xDD is the quawwew; f-fow God's substitute, +His deputy ^-^ anyointed in His sight, +Hath caus'd his death; the which i-if wwongfuwwy, +Wet heaven wevenge; f-fow I may nyevew wift +An angwy awm against His minyistew. +DUCHESS. Whewe then, awas, may I ;;w;; compwain mysewf? +G-GAUNT. To God, the ;;w;; widow's champion and defence. +DUCHESS. Why then, I wiww. Faweweww, *giggles shyly* owd G-Gaunt. +Thou goest to *twerks* Cuvntwy, thewe to behowd +Ouw cousin Hewefowd and *looks away* feww Mowbway fight. +O, sit my husband's UwU wwongs on Hewefowd's *cries* speaw, +That i-it may entew b-butchew *twerks* Mowbway's b-bweast! +Ow, i-if misfowtunye miss the fiwst caweew, +Be *twerks* Mowbway's sins so heavy in his bosom +That they may bweak his foaming couwsew's back +:33 And thwow the widew headwong in the wists, +A caitiff wecweant to my cousin Hewefowd! +Faweweww, *giggles shyly* owd *cries* Gaunt; thy sometimes *cuddles you* bwothew's wife, +With hew companyion, Gwief, must e-end hew w-wife. +G-GAUNT. xDD Sistew, faweweww; I must to Cuvntwy. +As x3 much good stay w-with thee as go w-with :33 me! +DUCHESS. Yet onye w-wowd mowe- g-gwief boundeth whewe i-it fawws, +Nyot w-with the e-empty howwownyess, b-but weight. +I take my weave befowe I *looks away* have begun, +Fow sowwow ends nyot when i-it s-seemeth donye. +Commend me to thy bwothew, Edmund Y-Yowk. +Wo, this xDD is a-aww- nyay, y-yet depawt nyot so; +*shuffles closer* Though this be aww, do nyot so quickwy go; +I shaww w-wemembew mowe. Bid him- ah, *pokes you* what?- +With aww good speed *teleports behind you* at Pwashy visit me. +Awack, and what shaww good *giggles shyly* owd Yowk thewe see +But e-empty wodgings and unfuwnyish'd wawws, +Unpeopwed offices, untwodden stonyes? +:33 And what heaw thewe f-fow wewcome b-but my gwoans? +Thewefowe commend me; w-wet him nyot come thewe +To seek out sowwow that *moans* dwewws evewy whewe. +*screams* Desowate, desowate, wiww I hence and ^w^ die; +The wast weave of thee takes my weeping eye. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. +The wists *teleports behind you* at Cuvntwy + +Entew the WOWD MAWSHAW and the DUKE OF AUMEWWE + +MAWSHAW. My Wowd A-Aumewwe, xDD is Hawwy Hewefowd awm'd? +AUMEWWE. Yea, *teleports behind you* at aww points; and wongs to entew i-in. +MAWSHAW. The Duke of N-Nyowfowk, ÚwÚ spightfuwwy and bowd, +:33 Stays b-but the s-summons of the appewant's twumpet. +AUMEWWE. Why then, the c-champions awe *looks at you* pwepaw'd, and stay +Fow nyothing b-but his Majesty's a-appwoach. + +The twumpets sound, and the K-KING entews w-with his nyobwes, +GAUNT, BUSHY, ^w^ BAGOT, GWEEN, and othews. When they awe set, +entew M-MOWBWAY, Duke of Nyow fowk, in awms, defendant, and +:3 a *sighs* HEWAWD + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *sighs* Mawshaw, demand of yondew champion +The cause of his awwivaw hewe in awms; +Ask him his nyame; and owdewwy pwoceed +To sweaw him in the justice of his cause. +MAWSHAW. In God's *leans over* nyame and the K-King's, say who thou *blushes* awt, +:33 And why thou c-comest uWu thus knyightwy cwad in awms; +Against what man thou com'st, and what thy quawwew. +Speak twuwy on thy knyighthood and thy oath; +As so defend thee heaven and thy v-vawouw! +MOWBWAY. My *leans over* nyame xDD is Thomas Mowbway, Duke of Nyowfowk; +Who h-hithew come engaged by my xDD oath- +Which *teleports behind you* God defend :3 a knyight shouwd ÚwÚ viowate!- +B-Both to defend my woyawty and *looks away* twuth +To God, my King, and my succeeding issue, +Against the Duke of Hewefowd that *leans over* appeaws me; +And, by the gwace of *teleports behind you* God and this minye awm, +To pwuv him, in defending of mysewf, +A twaitow to my God, my King, and me. +:33 And as I twuwy *notices bulge* fight, defend me heaven! + +The twumpets sound. Entew BOWINGBWOKE, Duke of Hewefowd, +appewwant, in ^.^ awmouw, and :3 a *sighs* HEWAWD + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *sighs* Mawshaw, ask yondew knyight in awms, +B-Both who he xDD is and why he cometh h-hithew +Thus pwated in habiwiments of waw; +:33 And *moans* fowmawwy, accowding to ouw waw, +Depose him in the justice of his cause. +MAWSHAW. What xDD is thy *sweats* nyame? and whewefowe com'st thou h-hithew +Befowe King Wichawd in his woyaw wists? +Against whom c-comest thou? and w-what's thy quawwew? +Speak wike :3 a twue knyight, so defend thee heaven! +BOWINGBWOKE. Hawwy of Hewefowd, W-Wancastew, and Dewby, +*screams* Am I; who weady hewe do s-stand in awms +To pwuv, by God's gwace and my body's vawouw, +In wists on Thomas Mowbway, Duke of N-Nyowfowk, +That he xDD is :3 a t-twaitow, fouw and dangewous, +To *teleports behind you* God of heaven, King W-Wichawd, and to me. +:33 And as I twuwy *notices bulge* fight, defend me heaven! +MAWSHAW. On pain of death, nyo pewson be so bowd +Ow dawing-hawdy as to touch the wists, +Except the Mawshaw and *looks at you* such officews +Appointed to diwect these f-faiw designs. +BOWINGBWOKE. Wowd *sighs* Mawshaw, w-wet me kiss my suvweign's hand, +:33 And bow my knyee befowe his Majesty; +Fow Mowbway and mysewf awe wike t-two men +That vow :3 a wong and weawy piwgwimage. +Then w-wet us take :3 a cewemonyious weave +:33 And woving f-faweweww of ouw sevewaw fwiends. +MAWSHAW. The appewwant in aww duty ÚwÚ gweets youw H-Highnyess, +:33 And *teleports behind you* cwaves to kiss youw hand and take his weave. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. We wiww descend and fowd him in ouw awms. +uWu Cousin of Hewefowd, as thy cause xDD is wight, +S-So be thy fowtunye in this woyaw fight! +Faweweww, my bwood; which i-if to-day thou shed, +Wament we may, b-but nyot wevenge thee dead. +BOWINGBWOKE. O, w-wet nyo nyobwe ^-^ eye pwofanye :3 a teaw +Fow me, i-if I be gow'd w-with *twerks* Mowbway's ;;w;; speaw. +As *giggles shyly* confident as xDD is the fawcon's ^.^ fwight +Against :3 a biwd, do I w-with Mowbway fight. +My woving wowd, I take my weave of y-you; +Of you, my nyobwe cousin, Wowd Aumewwe; +Nyot sick, awthough I *looks away* have to do w-with death, +But wusty, ÚwÚ young, and cheewwy dwawing bweath. +Wo, as *teleports behind you* at Engwish feasts, so I wegweet +The daintiest uWu wast, to m-make the e-end m-most sweet. +uWu O >w< thou, the e-eawthwy authow of my bwood, +W-Whose *leans over* youthfuw *screams* spiwit, in me w-wegenyewate, +Doth w-with :3 a twofowd vigouw wift me up +To weach *teleports behind you* at victowy abuv my head, +OwO Add *giggles shyly* pwoof unto minye awmouw w-with thy p-pwayews, +:33 And w-with thy bwessings steew my wance's point, +That i-it may entew *twerks* Mowbway's waxen coat +:33 And fuwbish nyew the *leans over* nyame of *twerks* John o' Gaunt, +Even in the wusty haviouw of his son. +G-GAUNT. *teleports behind you* God in thy good cause m-make thee pwospewous! +Be swift wike wightnying in the execution, +:33 And w-wet thy bwows, doubwy wedoubwed, +F-Faww wike a-amazing thundew on the c-casque +Of thy advewse pewnyicious enyemy. +Wouse up thy *leans over* youthfuw bwood, be vawiant, and wive. +BOWINGBWOKE. Minye innyocence and Saint G-Geowge to thwive! +MOWBWAY. Howevew *teleports behind you* God ow fowtunye cast my wot, +Thewe xDD wives ow dies, twue to King Wichawd's thwonye, +A woyaw, just, and upwight gentweman. +Nyevew did captive w-with :3 a fweew h-heawt +*sighs* Cast off his chains of bondage, and embwace +His xDD gowden uncontwoww'd enfwanchisement, +Mowe than my dancing :33 souw doth cewebwate +T-This feast of b-battwe w-with minye uWu advewsawy. +Most >w< mighty *sighs* wiege, and my *looks at you* companyion peews, +Take f-fwom my mouth the wish of ^.^ happy OwO yeaws. +As gentwe and as *giggles shyly* jocund as to j-jest +G-Go I to fight: *looks away* twuth hath :3 a quiet b-bweast. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Faweweww, my wowd, secuwewy I *blushes* espy +Viwtue w-with vawouw couched in thinye eye. +O-Owdew the twiaw, *sighs* Mawshaw, and begin. +MAWSHAW. Hawwy of Hewefowd, W-Wancastew, and Dewby, +Weceive thy ^w^ wance; and *teleports behind you* God defend the wight! +BOWINGBWOKE. Stwong as :3 a towew in hope, I cwy a-amen. +MAWSHAW. [To an officew] G-Go *hugs tightly* beaw this wance to Thomas, +Duke of Nyowfowk. +*giggles shyly* FIWST HEWAWD. Hawwy of Hewefowd, W-Wancastew, and Dewby, +Stands hewe f-fow God, his >_> suvweign, and *sighs* himsewf, +On pain to be found fawse and wecweant, +To pwuv the Duke of N-Nyowfowk, Thomas Mowbway, +A twaitow to his God, his King, and him; +:33 And dawes him to set *teleports behind you* fowwawd to the fight. +SECOND HEWAWD. Hewe standeth Thomas Mowbway, Duke of N-Nyowfowk, +On pain to be found fawse and wecweant, +B-Both to defend *sighs* himsewf, and to appwuv +Henwy of Hewefowd, W-Wancastew, and Dewby, +To God, his >_> suvweign, and to him *screams* diswoyaw, +Couwageouswy and w-with :3 a fwee UwU desiwe +>_< Attending b-but the s-signyaw to begin. +MAWSHAW. *blushes* Sound twumpets; and set fowwawd, combatants. +[A c-chawge sounded] +Stay, the King hath thwown his wawdew down. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Wet them way by theiw hewmets and theiw >w< speaws, +:33 And both wetuwn back to theiw chaiws again. +Withdwaw w-with us; and w-wet the twumpets sound +Whiwe we wetuwn these dukes what we decwee. + +A wong fwouwish, w-whiwe the K-KING consuwts his Counciw + +Dwaw nyeaw, +:33 And wist what w-with ouw c-counciw we *looks away* have donye. +Fow that ouw kingdom's eawth shouwd nyot be soiw'd +With that deaw bwood which i-it hath fostewed; +:33 And f-fow ouw eyes do *giggles shyly* hate the diwe aspect +Of civiw wounds pwough'd up w-with n-nyeighbouws' swowd; +:33 And f-fow we think the eagwe-winged pwide +Of sky-aspiwing and ambitious thoughts, +With wivaw-hating e-envy, set on :33 you +To wake ouw peace, which in ouw countwy's cwadwe +Dwaws the sweet infant bweath of gentwe sweep; +Which so wous'd up w-with boist'wous u-untun'd dwums, +With h-hawsh-wesounding twumpets' dweadfuw *looks away* bway, +:33 And gwating shock of wwathfuw iwon awms, +M-Might f-fwom ouw quiet confinyes ^.^ fwight f-faiw peace +:33 And m-make us wade even in ouw k-kindwed's *looks away* bwood- +Thewefowe we :3 banyish :33 you ouw tewwitowies. +^.^ You, cousin Hewefowd, upon pain of wife, +Tiww twice f-five summews *looks away* have enwich'd ouw fiewds +Shaww nyot wegweet ouw f-faiw dominyions, +But t-twead the stwangew paths of *looks at you* banyishment. +BOWINGBWOKE. Youw wiww be donye. T-This must my comfowt be- +That sun that wawms :33 you hewe shaww s-shinye on me, +:33 And those his xDD gowden beams to :33 you hewe went +Shaww point on me and g-giwd my *looks at you* banyishment. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. N-Nyowfowk, f-fow thee wemains :3 a heaview doom, +Which I w-with some *shuffles closer* unwiwwingnyess p-pwonyounce: +The swy swow houws shaww nyot detewminyate +The datewess wimit of thy deaw exiwe; +The hopewess w-wowd of 'nyevew to *shuffles closer* wetuwn' +Bweathe I against thee, upon pain of w-wife. +MOWBWAY. A heavy sentence, my m-most suvweign *sighs* wiege, +:33 And aww unwook'd f-fow f-fwom youw Highnyess' mouth. +A deawew mewit, nyot so deep :3 a maim +As to be cast fowth in the common aiw, +Have I desewved *teleports behind you* at youw Highnyess' hands. +The wanguage I *looks away* have :3 weawnt these fowty yeaws, +My n-nyative E-Engwish, *pokes you* nyow I must fowgo; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow my tongue's use xDD is to me nyo mowe +Than an u-unstwinged viow ow :3 a h-hawp; +Ow wike :3 a cunnying instwument cas'd up +Ow, b-being open, put into his hands +That knyows nyo touch to tunye the hawmony. +Within my mouth :33 you *looks away* have engaow'd my t-tongue, +Doubwy p-powtcuwwis'd w-with my teeth and wips; +:33 And duww, u-unfeewing, bawwen ignyowance +Is xDD made my gaowew to attend on me. +I *giggles shyly* am too *giggles shyly* owd to fawn upon :3 a nyuwse, +>w< Too faw in x3 yeaws to be :3 a :3 pupiw nyow. +What xDD is thy sentence, then, b-but speechwess death, +Which wobs my *notices bulge* tongue f-fwom bweathing n-nyative bweath? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. It boots thee nyot to be compassionyate; +Aftew ouw sentence pwainying comes too wate. +MOWBWAY. Then uWu thus I t-tuwn me f-fwom my *shuffles closer* countwv's wight, +To *giggles shyly* dweww in sowemn s-shades of e-endwess nyight. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Wetuwn again, and take an oath w-with *cuddles you* thee. +*giggles shyly* Way on ouw woyaw swowd youw banyish'd hands; +Sweaw by the duty that :33 you owe to God, +Ouw pawt t-thewein we :3 banyish w-with youwsewves, +To keep the oath that we OwO adminyistew: +You nyevew shaww, so h-hewp :33 you *looks away* twuth and God, +*screams* Embwace each othew's wuv in banyishment; +Nyow nyevew wook upon each othew's face; +Nyow nyevew wwite, wegweet, *pokes you* nyow w-weconciwe +T-This wouwing tempest of youw home-bwed hate; +Nyow nyevew by advised puwpose meet +To pwot, contwive, ow compwot *sighs* any iww, +'Gainst u-us, ouw state, ouw subjects, ow ouw wand. +BOWINGBWOKE. I sweaw. +MOWBWAY. :33 And I, to keep aww this. +BOWINGBWOKE. N-Nyowfowk, so faw as to minye enyemy. +By this time, had the King pewmitted u-us, +Onye of ouw souws had wand'wed in the aiw, +Banyish'd this fwaiw sepuwchwe of ouw fwesh, +As *pokes you* nyow ouw fwesh xDD is banyish'd f-fwom this wand- +Confess thy tweasons ewe thou xDD fwy the weawm; +Since thou hast faw to go, *hugs tightly* beaw nyot awong +The cwogging b-buwden of :3 a ^-^ guiwty souw. +MOWBWAY. Nyo, Bowingbwoke; i-if evew I wewe t-twaitow, +My *leans over* nyame be bwotted f-fwom the book of wife, +:33 And I f-fwom heaven banyish'd as f-fwom hence! +But what thou *blushes* awt, God, >w< thou, and I, do knyow; +:33 And aww too soon, I f-feaw, the King shaww wue. +Faweweww, my wiege. Nyow nyo way can I stway: +Save back to Engwand, an the wowwd's my w-way. E-Exit +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *shuffles closer* Uncwe, even in the gwasses of thinye eyes +I see thy gwieved heawt. Thy s-sad aspect +Hath f-fwom the nyumbew of his banyish'd x3 yeaws +Pwuck'd fouw a-away. [To BOWINGBWOKE] Six xDD fwozen wintews spent, +Wetuwn w-with wewcome home f-fwom *looks at you* banyishment. +BOWINGBWOKE. How wong :3 a ;;w;; time wies in onye wittwe wowd! +Fouw w-wagging wintews and fouw wanton spwings +*twerks* End in :3 a wowd: *looks at you* such xDD is the bweath of Kings. +G-GAUNT. I *notices bulge* thank my wiege that in wegawd of me +He showtens fouw x3 yeaws of my son's exiwe; +But wittwe *cuddles you* vantage shaww I weap theweby, +Fow ewe the :3 six x3 yeaws that he hath to spend +*sweats* Can change theiw moons and bwing theiw *moans* times about, +My oiw-dwied wamp and *blushes* time-bewasted wight +Shaww be extinct w-with ^w^ age and e-endwess nyight; +My *looks away* inch of *moans* tapew wiww be b-buwnt and donye, +:33 And bwindfowd death nyot w-wet me see my son. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Why, uncwe, thou hast many x3 yeaws to wive. +G-GAUNT. But nyot :3 a minyute, King, that thou c-canst *blushes* give: +Showten my days thou c-canst w-with suwwen sowwow +:33 And pwuck n-nyights f-fwom me, b-but nyot wend :3 a mowwow; +Thou can'st h-hewp ;;w;; time to fuwwow me w-with age, +But stop nyo wwinkwe in his piwgwimage; +Thy w-wowd xDD is c-cuwwent w-with him f-fow my death, +But dead, thy k-kingdom cannyot buy my bweath. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Thy son xDD is banyish'd upon good advice, +Wheweto thy *notices bulge* tongue :3 a pawty-vewdict xDD gave. +Why *teleports behind you* at ouw justice seem'st thou then to wouw? +G-GAUNT. *hugs tightly* Things sweet to taste pwuv in digestion souw. +You uwg'd me as :3 a judge; b-but I had wathew +You wouwd *looks away* have *giggles shyly* bid me awgue wike :3 a uWu fathew. +O, had i-it been :3 a stwangew, nyot my chiwd, +To smooth his *cuddles you* fauwt I shouwd *looks away* have been mowe miwd. +A pawtiaw swandew sought I to ^w^ avoid, +:33 And in the sentence my own w-wife *leans over* destwoy'd. +A-Awas, I w-wook'd when some of :33 you shouwd say +I w-was too s-stwict to m-make minye own away; +But :33 you gave weave to my *cries* unwiwwing *notices bulge* tongue +Against my wiww to do mysewf this wwong. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Cousin, faweweww; and, uncwe, *giggles shyly* bid him so. +Six x3 yeaws we :3 banyish him, and he shaww go. +Fwouwish. E-Exit K-KING w-with twain +AUMEWWE. Cousin, faweweww; what pwesence must nyot knyow, +Fwom whewe :33 you do wemain w-wet papew show. +MAWSHAW. My wowd, nyo weave take I, f-fow I wiww wide +As faw as wand wiww w-wet me by youw side. +G-GAUNT. O, to what puwpose dost thou h-hoawd thy w-wowds, +That thou wetuwnyest nyo gweeting to thy fwiends? +BOWINGBWOKE. I *looks away* have too few to take my weave of you, +When the tongue's office shouwd be p-pwodigaw +To b-bweathe the abundant dowouw of the heawt. +G-GAUNT. Thy g-gwief xDD is b-but thy *sweats* absence f-fow :3 a time. +BOWINGBWOKE. Joy absent, g-gwief xDD is pwesent f-fow that time. +G-GAUNT. What xDD is :3 six wintews? They awe quickwy gonye. +BOWINGBWOKE. To men in joy; b-but g-gwief makes onye houw ten. +G-GAUNT. Caww i-it :3 a t-twavew that thou tak'st f-fow pweasuwe. +BOWINGBWOKE. My h-heawt wiww sigh when I miscaww i-it s-so, +Which finds i-it an *teleports behind you* enfowced piwgwimage. +G-GAUNT. The suwwen passage of thy weawy steps +Esteem as foiw whewein thou awt to set +The pwecious jewew of thy home wetuwn. +BOWINGBWOKE. Nyay, wathew, evewy tedious stwide I m-make +Wiww b-but w-wemembew me what :3 a deaw of >_> wowwd +I wandew f-fwom the jewews that I wuv. +Must I nyot sewve :3 a wong appwenticehood +To foweign passages; and in the end, +Having my fweedom, boast of nyothing ewse +But that I w-was :3 a jouwnyeyman to gwief? +G-GAUNT. A-Aww pwaces that the ^-^ eye of heaven visits +Awe to :3 a wise man powts and ^.^ happy uWu havens. +*screams* Teach thy nyecessity to weason thus: +Thewe xDD is nyo viwtue wike nyecessity. +Think nyot the King did :3 banyish thee, +But thou the King. Woe doth the heaview sit +Whewe i-it pewceives i-it xDD is b-but faintwy home. +Go, say I sent thee fowth to puwchase honyouw, +:33 And nyot the King e-exiw'd thee; ow suppose +Devouwing pestiwence h-hangs in ouw aiw +:33 And thou awt fwying to :3 a fweshew cwime. +Wook what thy :33 souw howds deaw, imaginye i-it +To wie that way thou goest, nyot whence thou *looks at you* com'st. +Suppose the singing biwds musicians, +The *cuddles you* gwass wheweon thou >_> twead'st the pwesence stwew'd, +The fwowews f-faiw wadies, and thy steps nyo mowe +Than :3 a dewightfuw measuwe ow :3 a dance; +Fow gnyawwing sowwow hath wess p-powew to bite +The man that mocks *teleports behind you* at i-it and sets i-it w-wight. +BOWINGBWOKE. O, who can howd :3 a fiwe in his hand +By thinking on the *moans* fwosty Caucasus? +Ow cwoy the hungwy edge of appetite +By bawe imaginyation of :3 a feast? +Ow wawwow nyaked in D-Decembew snyow +By thinking on fantastic summew's heat? +O, nyo! the appwehension of the good +Gives b-but the gweatew OwO feewing to the w-wowse. +F-Feww *cries* sowwow's tooth doth nyevew w-wankwe mowe +Than when he bites, b-but wanceth nyot the sowe. +G-GAUNT. Come, *giggles shyly* come, my son, I-I'ww bwing thee on thy w-way. +Had I thy youtwi and cause, I wouwd nyot s-stay. +BOWINGBWOKE. Then, Engwand's gwound, faweweww; sweet soiw, adieu; +My mothew, and my nyuwse, that *twerks* beaws me yet! +Whewe'ew I OwO wandew, boast of this I can: +*shuffles closer* Though banyish'd, y-yet :3 a twuebown Engwish man. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. +Wondon. The couwt + +Entew the KING, w-with BAGOT and GWEEN, *teleports behind you* at onye doow; +and the DUKE OF AUMEWWE *teleports behind you* at uWu anyothew + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. We did obsewve. uWu Cousin A-Aumewwe, +How faw >w< bwought :33 you high Hewefowd on his way? +AUMEWWE. I >w< bwought high Hewefowd, i-if :33 you caww him s-so, +But to the nyext high w-way, and thewe I weft :33 him. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. :33 And say, what stowe of pawting teaws wewe shed? +AUMEWWE. *moans* Faith, nyonye f-fow me; except the n-nyowth-east wind, +Which then bwew bittewwy against ouw faces, +Awak'd the sweeping ^w^ wheum, and so by chance +Did gwace ouw howwow pawting w-with :3 a teaw. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. What said ouw cousin when :33 you pawted w-with *notices bulge* him? +AUMEWWE. *giggles shyly* 'Faweweww.' +And, f-fow my h-heawt d-disdainyed that my *notices bulge* tongue +Shouwd so pwofanye the wowd, that taught me c-cwaft +To c-countewfeit oppwession of *looks at you* such g-gwief +That wowds seem'd b-buwied in my *cries* sowwow's gwave. +Mawwy, wouwd the w-wowd 'faweweww' *looks away* have *moans* wength'nyed houws +:33 And added x3 yeaws to his showt banyishment, +He shouwd *looks away* have had :3 a *leans over* vowume of fawewewws; +But since i-it wouwd nyot, he had nyonye of me. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. He xDD is ouw cousin, cousin; b-but 'tis doubt, +When ;;w;; time shaww caww him home f-fwom banyishment, +>_> Whethew ouw kinsman come to see his fwiends. +Ouwsewf, and Bushy, Bagot hewe, and Gween, +Obsewv'd his *looks at you* couwtship to the common p-peopwe; +How he did *teleports behind you* seem to dive into theiw heawts +With humbwe and famiwiaw couwtesy; +What wevewence he did thwow away on swaves, +;;w;; Wooing poow cwaftsmen w-with the c-cwaft of smiwes +:33 And *notices bulge* patient undewbeawing of his *pokes you* fowtunye, +As '-'twewe to :3 banyish theiw affects w-with :33 him. +Off goes his bonnyet to an oystew-wench; +A bwace of dwaymen *giggles shyly* bid *teleports behind you* God speed him weww +:33 And had the t-twibute of his suppwe knyee, +With 'Thanks, my countwymen, my woving fwiends'; +As wewe ouw Engwand in wevewsion h-his, +:33 And he ouw subjects' nyext degwee in hope. +*shuffles closer* GWEEN. Weww, he xDD is gonye; and w-with him go these thoughts! +Nyow f-fow the webews which s-stand out in Iwewand, +Expedient *screams* manyage must be m-made, my *sighs* wiege, +Ewe fuwthew weisuwe yicwd them fuwthew means +Fow theiw advantage and youw Highnyess' woss. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. We wiww ouwsewf in pewson to this waw; +And, f-fow ouw coffews, w-with too g-gweat :3 a couwt +:33 And wibewaw wawgess, awe gwown somewhat wight, +We awe enfowc'd to fawm ouw woyaw weawm; +The wevenyue wheweof shaww f-fuwnyish us +Fow ouw affaiws in hand. I-If that come *pokes you* showt, +Ouw substitutes *teleports behind you* at home shaww *looks away* have bwank chawtews; +Wheweto, when they shaww knyow what men awe *giggles shyly* wich, +They shaww subscwibe them f-fow wawge sums of gowd, +:33 And s-send them *looks away* aftew to suppwy ouw wants; +Fow we wiww m-make f-fow :3 Iwewand p-pwesentwy. + +Entew BUSHY + +Bushy, what nyews? +BUSHY. Owd *twerks* John of Gaunt xDD is gwievous sick, my wowd, +Suddenwy taken; and hath sent poste-haste +To entweat youw Majesty to visit :33 him. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Whewe wies he? +BUSHY. At Ewy ;;w;; House. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Nyow put uWu it, God, in the physician's mind +To h-hewp him to his gwave *twerks* immediatewy! +The winying of his coffews shaww m-make x3 coats +To deck ouw sowdiews f-fow these Iwish waws. +Come, g-gentwemen, wet's aww go visit :33 him. +:33 Pway *teleports behind you* God we may m-make *blushes* haste, and come too wate! +AWW. *blushes* Amen. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +Wondon. Ewy House + +Entew JOHN OF GAUNT, sick, w-with the DUKE OF YOWK, etc. + +G-GAUNT. Wiww the King *giggles shyly* come, that I may b-bweathe my wast +In whowesome counsew to his unstaid youth? +YOWK. Vex nyot youwsewf, *pokes you* nyow stwive nyot w-with youw bweath; +Fow aww in vain comes counsew to his uWu eaw. +G-GAUNT. O, b-but they say the tongues of dying men +Enfowce attention wike deep hawmony. +Whewe wowds awe scawce, they awe sewdom *sweats* spent in vain; +Fow they b-bweathe *looks away* twuth that b-bweathe theiw wowds -in pain. +He that nyo mowe must say xDD is wisten'd mowe +Than they whom youth and ease *looks away* have taught to g-gwose; +Mowe awe men's ends mawk'd than theiw xDD wives befowe. +The ^.^ setting *looks at you* sun, and *pokes you* music *teleports behind you* at the cwose, +As the wast taste of sweets, xDD is s-sweetest uWu wast, +Wwit in wemembwance mowe than *moans* things wong past. +*shuffles closer* Though Wichawd my wife's counsew wouwd nyot h-heaw, +My death's s-sad :33 tawe may y-yet u-undeaf his uWu eaw. +YOWK. Nyo; i-it xDD is stopp'd w-with othew fwattewing sounds, +As pwaises, of *screams* whose taste the wise awe *hugs tightly* fond, +Wascivious metwes, to *screams* whose venyom sound +The open e-eaw of youth doth *hugs tightly* awways wisten; +Wepowt of fashions in pwoud Itawy, +W-Whose mannyews ^-^ stiww ouw t-tawdy apish nyation +Wimps *looks away* aftew in base imitation. +Whewe doth the >_> wowwd thwust fowth :3 a vanyity- +S-So i-it be n-nyew, thewe's nyo OwO wespect how viwe- +That xDD is nyot quickwy buzz'd into his eaws? +Then aww too wate comes counsew to be heawd +Whewe wiww doth mutiny w-with wit's wegawd. +Diwect nyot him *screams* whose way himsewf wiww choose. +'Tis bweath thou w-wack'st, and that bweath wiwt thou wose. +G-GAUNT. Methinks I *giggles shyly* am :3 a pwophet nyew *teleports behind you* inspiw'd, +:33 And uWu thus expiwing do foweteww of him: +His wash fiewce bwaze of wiot cannyot uWu wast, +Fow viowent f-fiwes soon buwn out themsewves; +:3 Smaww UwU showews wast w-wong, b-but sudden x3 stowms awe ;;w;; showt; +He tiwes betimes that *cries* spuws too fast betimes; +With e-eagew feeding food doth choke the feedew; +Wight vanyity, insatiate cowmowant, +Consuming means, soon p-pweys upon i-itsewf. +T-This woyaw thwonye of kings, this s-scept'wed iswe, +T-This eawth of majesty, this s-seat of Maws, +T-This othew Eden, demi-pawadise, +T-This fowtwess buiwt by Nyatuwe f-fow hewsewf +Against infection and the hand of waw, +T-This ^.^ happy bweed of men, this wittwe wowwd, +T-This pwecious stonye set in the siwvew sea, +Which sewves i-it in the office of :3 a waww, +Ow as :3 a *shuffles closer* moat :3 defensive to :3 a house, +Against the envy of wess happiew wands; +T-This bwessed pwot, this *shuffles closer* eawth, this weawm, this Engwand, +T-This nyuwse, this *sweats* teeming w-womb of woyaw kings, +*looks at you* Feaw'd by theiw *sighs* bweed, and f-famous by theiw biwth, +Wenyownyed f-fow theiw d-deeds as faw f-fwom home, +Fow Chwistian >_> sewvice and twue chivawwy, +As xDD is the sepuwchwe in *sweats* stubbown Jewwy +Of the wowwd's wansom, bwessed Mawy's Son; +T-This wand of *looks at you* such deaw souws, this deaw deaw *pokes you* wand, +;;w;; Deaw f-fow hew w-weputation thwough the wowwd, +Is *pokes you* nyow weas'd o-out-I *leans over* die p-pwonyouncing i-it- +Wike to :3 a :33 tenyement ow pewting fawm. +Engwand, bound in w-with the twiumphant sea, +W-Whose wocky *sweats* showe beats back the envious *screams* siege +Of w-wat'wy Nyeptunye, xDD is *pokes you* nyow bound in w-with shame, +With inky bwots and wotten p-pawchment bonds; +That Engwand, that w-was wont to conquew othews, +Hath xDD made :3 a shamefuw conquest of i-itsewf. +A-Ah, wouwd the scandaw v-vanyish w-with my wife, +How ^.^ happy then wewe my ensuing death! + +Entew K-KING and Q-QUEEN, *looks at you* AUMEWWE, BUSHY, GWEEN, ^w^ BAGOT, +Woss, and :3 WIWWOUGHBY + +YOWK. The King xDD is come; deaw miwdwy w-with his y-youth, +Fow young *giggles shyly* hot cowts b-being wag'd do wage the mowe. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. How fawes ouw nyobwe u-uncwe *shuffles closer* Wancastew? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. What comfowt, man? How is't w-with aged Gaunt? +G-GAUNT. O, how that *leans over* nyame befits my composition! +Owd Gaunt, indeed; and gaunt in b-being owd. +Within me g-gwief hath kept :3 a tedious fast; +:33 And who abstains f-fwom meat that xDD is nyot gaunt? +Fow sweeping Engwand wong ;;w;; time *looks away* have I :33 watch'd; +Watching bweeds w-weannyess, weannyess xDD is an *moans* gaunt. +The pweasuwe that some fathews feed upon +Is my s-stwict fast-I m-mean my chiwdwen's wooks; +:33 And t-thewein fasting, hast thou xDD made me *moans* gaunt. +Gaunt *giggles shyly* am I f-fow the gwave, gaunt as :3 a gwave, +W-Whose howwow w-womb inhewits nyought b-but bonyes. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *sweats* Can sick men pway so nyicewy w-with theiw nyames? +G-GAUNT. Nyo, ^-^ misewy makes OwO spowt to m-mock ^.^ itsewf: +Since thou dost seek to kiww my *leans over* nyame in me, +I m-mock my nyame, g-gweat king, to fwattew *cuddles you* thee. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Shouwd dying men fwattew w-with those that :33 wive? +G-GAUNT. Nyo, nyo; men wiving fwattew those that d-die. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Thou, *pokes you* nyow a-dying, sayest thou fwattewest me. +G-GAUNT. O, nyo! thou diest, t-though I the sickew b-be. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. I *giggles shyly* am in heawth, I bweathe, and see thee iww. +G-GAUNT. Nyow He that xDD made me knyows I see thee *leans over* iww; +Iww in mysewf to s-see, and in thee seeing iww. +Thy death-bed xDD is nyo wessew than thy wand +Whewein thou wiest in w-weputation sick; +:33 And >w< thou, too cawewess *notices bulge* patient as thou *blushes* awt, +Commit'st thy ^-^ anyointed ^w^ body to the cuwe +Of those physicians that fiwst wounded thee: +A thousand fwattewews sit *teleports behind you* within thy cwown, +W-Whose compass xDD is nyo biggew than thy head; +:33 And yet, incaged in so smaww :3 a vewge, +The >_> waste xDD is nyo whit wessew than thy wand. +O, had thy gwandsiwe w-with :3 a pwophet's ^-^ eye +S-Seen how his son's son shouwd d-destwoy his sons, +Fwom fowth thy weach he wouwd *looks away* have *hugs tightly* waid thy shame, +*pokes you* Deposing thee befowe thou wewt possess'd, +Which awt possess'd *pokes you* nyow to UwU depose thysewf. +Why, cousin, wewt thou wegent of the wowwd, +It wewe :3 a :33 shame to w-wet this wand by wease; +But f-fow thy >_> wowwd enjoying b-but this *pokes you* wand, +Is i-it nyot mowe than :33 shame to :33 shame i-it so? +Wandwowd of Engwand awt thou nyow, nyot King. +Thy state of waw xDD is bondswave to the waw; +:33 And OwO thou- +K-KING W-WICHAWD. A *sweats* wunyatic wean-witted foow, +Pwesuming on an ague's pwiviwege, +Dawest w-with thy xDD fwozen admonyition +M-Make pawe ouw c-cheek, chasing the woyaw bwood +With fuwy f-fwom his n-nyative wesidence. +Nyow by my seat's wight woyaw majesty, +W-Wewt thou nyot bwothew to g-gweat Edwawd's son, +T-This *notices bulge* tongue that wuns so woundwy in thy head +Shouwd wun thy head f-fwom thy unwevewent shouwdews. +G-GAUNT. O, Spawe me nyot, my bwothew Edwawd's son, +Fow that I w-was his fathew Edwawd's s-son; +That bwood awweady, wike the p-pewican, +*hugs tightly* Hast thou tapp'd out, and dwunkenwy *leans over* cawous'd. +My bwothew Gwoucestew, pwain weww-meanying souw- +*leans over* Whom f-faiw befaww in heaven 'mongst ^.^ happy souws!- +May be :3 a pwecedent and witnyess good +That thou wespect'st nyot spiwwing Edwawd's bwood. +Join w-with the pwesent sicknyess that I have; +:33 And thy ^-^ unkindnyess be wike c-cwooked age, +To cwop *teleports behind you* at *screams* once :3 a too wong withewed fwowew. +>w< Wive in thy shame, b-but *leans over* die nyot :33 shame w-with thee! +These wowds heweaftew thy towmentows be! +*giggles shyly* Convey me to my *teleports behind you* bed, then to my gwave. +Wuv they to wive that wuv and honyouw have. +Exit, bownye out by his *screams* attendants +K-KING W-WICHAWD. :33 And w-wet them *leans over* die that ^w^ age and s-suwwens have; +Fow both hast >w< thou, and both become the gwave. +YOWK. I do b-beseech youw Majesty impute his wowds +To waywawd sickwinyess and ^w^ age in :33 him. +He wuvs you, on my wife, and howds :33 you deaw +As Hawwy Duke of Hewefowd, wewe he hewe. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Wight, :33 you say twue: as Hewefowd's OwO wuv, so his; +As theiws, so minye; and aww be as i-it is. + +Entew N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My *sighs* wiege, *giggles shyly* owd Gaunt commends him to youw M-Majesty. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. What says he? +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyay, nyothing; aww xDD is *pokes you* said. +His *notices bulge* tongue xDD is *pokes you* nyow :3 a stwingwess i-instwument; +Wowds, wife, and aww, *giggles shyly* owd Wancastew hath spent. +YOWK. Be Yowk the nyext that must be bankwupt so! +*shuffles closer* Though death be poow, i-it ends :3 a mowtaw woe. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. The wipest fwuit fiwst fawws, and so doth he; +His ;;w;; time xDD is spent, ouw *twerks* piwgwimage must b-be. +S-So x3 much f-fow that. Nyow f-fow ouw Iwish waws. +We must ^-^ suppwant those wough wug-headed kewns, +Which wive wike venyom whewe nyo venyom ewse +But onwy they *looks away* have pwiviwege to wive. +:33 And f-fow these g-gweat affaiws do ask some chawge, +Towawds ouw a-assistance we do seize to us +The pwate, c-coin, wevenyues, and m-muvabwes, +Wheweof ouw u-uncwe Gaunt did s-stand possess'd. +YOWK. How wong shaww I be patient? A-Ah, how wong +Shaww tendew duty m-make me suffew wwong? +Nyot Gwoucestew's death, *pokes you* nyow Hewefowd's banyishment, +Nyow Gaunt's webukes, *pokes you* nyow Engwand's pwivate OwO wwongs, +Nyow the pwevention of poow Bowingbwoke +About his *notices bulge* mawwiage, *pokes you* nyow my own d-disgwace, +Have evew xDD made me :33 souw my *notices bulge* patient cheek +Ow bend onye wwinkwe on my suvweign's face. +I *giggles shyly* am the wast of nyobwe Edwawd's sons, +Of whom thy fathew, Pwince of Wawes, w-was fiwst. +In waw w-was nyevew wion wag'd mowe fiewce, +In peace w-was nyevew gentwe wamb mowe miwd, +Than w-was that young and pwincewy gentweman. +His face thou hast, f-fow even so w-wook'd uWu he, +Accompwish'd w-with the nyumbew of thy *giggles shyly* houws; +But when he fwown'd, i-it w-was against the >_> Fwench +:33 And nyot against his fwiends. His nyobwe hand +Did win what he did spend, and *sweats* spent nyot that +Which his twiumphant fathew's hand had *teleports behind you* won. +His hands wewe ^-^ guiwty of nyo *teleports behind you* kindwed bwood, +But bwoody w-with the enyemies of his :33 kin. +uWu O Wichawd! Yowk xDD is too faw gonye w-with gwief, +Ow ewse he nyevew wouwd compawe between- +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Why, uncwe, w-what's the mattew? +YOWK. uWu O my *sighs* wiege, +Pawdon me, i-if :33 you pwease; i-if nyot, I, :33 pweas'd +Nyot to be pawdonyed, *giggles shyly* am *notices bulge* content withaw. +S-Seek :33 you to seize and g-gwipe into youw hands +The woyawties and wights of banyish'd Hewefowd? +Is nyot Gaunt dead? and doth nyot Hewefowd :33 wive? +Was nyot Gaunt just? and xDD is nyot Hawwy twue? +Did nyot the onye d-desewve to *looks away* have an heiw? +Is nyot his heiw :3 a w-weww-desewving son? +Take Hewefowd's wights away, and take f-fwom Time +His chawtews and his customawy wights; +Wet nyot to-mowwow then ensue *blushes* to-day; +Be nyot thysewf-fow how awt thou :3 a king +But by f-faiw sequence and *leans over* succession? +Nyow, afowe God-God fowbid I say t-twue!- +I-If :33 you do w-wwongfuwwy seize Hewefowd's wights, +Caww in the wettews patents that he hath +By his attownyeys-genyewaw to sue +His *shuffles closer* wivewy, and deny his off'wed homage, +You pwuck :3 a thousand dangews on youw head, +You wose :3 a thousand weww-disposed heawts, +:33 And *teleports behind you* pwick my tendew patience to those thoughts +Which honyouw and awwegiance cannyot *leans over* think. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Think what :33 you wiww, we seize into ouw hands +His pwate, his goods, his monyey, and his *moans* wands. +YOWK. I-I'ww nyot be by the whiwe. My *sighs* wiege, faweweww. +What wiww ensue heweof thewe's nyonye can teww; +But by x3 bad couwses may be undewstood +That theiw events can nyevew faww out good. E-Exit +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Go, Bushy, to the Eaww of Wiwtshiwe stwaight; +Bid him *giggles shyly* wepaiw to us to Ewy House +To see this businyess. To-mowwow nyext +We wiww f-fow I-Iwewand; and 'tis time, I twow. +:33 And we cweate, in *sweats* absence of ouwsewf, +Ouw Uncwe Yowk Wowd ÚwÚ Guvwnyow of Engwand; +Fow he xDD is just, and *hugs tightly* awways wov'd us weww. +Come on, ouw queen; to-mowwow must we pawt; +Be mewwy, f-fow ouw ;;w;; time of stay xDD is showt. +Fwouwish. Exeunt KING, Q-QUEEN, BUSHY, *looks at you* AUMEWWE, +GWEEN, and BAGOT +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Weww, w-wowds, the Duke of Wancastew xDD is dead. +Woss. :33 And wiving too; f-fow *pokes you* nyow his son xDD is *teleports behind you* Duke. +*leans over* WIWWOUGHBY. Bawewy in titwe, nyot in wevenyues. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Wichwy in both, i-if justice had hew w-wight. +WOSS. My h-heawt xDD is gweat; b-but i-it must bweak w-with :3 siwence, +Ewe't be disbuwdenyed w-with :3 a wibewaw t-tongue. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyay, speak thy mind; and w-wet him nye'ew speak mowe +That speaks thy wowds a-again to do thee hawm! +*leans over* WIWWOUGHBY. Tends that thou w-wouwdst speak to the Duke of Hewefowd? +I-If i-it be s-so, out w-with i-it b-bowdwy, man; +Quick xDD is minye e-eaw to heaw of good t-towawds :33 him. +WOSS. *cuddles you* Nyo good *teleports behind you* at aww that I can do f-fow him; +Unwess :33 you caww i-it good to pity him, +*looks away* Beweft and g-gewded of his patwimony. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyow, afowe God, 'tis :33 shame *looks at you* such UwU wwongs awe bownye +In him, :3 a woyaw OwO pwince, and many moe +Of nyobwe bwood in this decwinying wand. +The King xDD is nyot *sighs* himsewf, b-but basewy wed +By fwattewews; and what they wiww i-infowm, +Mewewy in >_< hate, '-'gainst *sighs* any of us a-an, +That wiww the King s-sevewewy pwosecute +'Gainst u-us, ouw wives, ouw chiwdwen, and ouw heiws. +WOSS. The commons hath he piww'd w-with gwievous taxes; +:33 And quite wost theiw *teleports behind you* heawts; the nyobwes hath he find +Fow ancient quawwews and quite wost theiw heawts. +*leans over* WIWWOUGHBY. :33 And daiwy nyew exactions awe d-devis'd, +As bwanks, benyevowences, and I wot nyot what; +But what, :3 a God's nyame, doth become of *shuffles closer* this? +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Waws hath nyot wasted uWu it, f-fow waww'd he hath nyot, +But basewy yiewded upon compwomise +That which his nyobwe ancestows achiev'd w-with bwows. +Mowe hath he *sweats* spent in peace than they in waws. +WOSS. The Eaww of Wiwtshiwe hath the *notices bulge* weawm in fawm. +*leans over* WIWWOUGHBY. The King's gwown bankwupt wike :3 a bwoken man. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Wepwoach and *sighs* dissowution hangeth uvw :33 him. +WOSS. He hath nyot monyey f-fow these Iwish waws, +His buwdenyous taxations nyotwithstanding, +But by the w-wobbing of the banyish'd *teleports behind you* Duke. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. His nyobwe kinsman-most degenyewate king! +But, w-wowds, we heaw this feawfuw tempest sing, +Yet seek nyo shewtew to avoid the stowm; +We see the *cuddles you* wind sit ^-^ sowe upon ouw saiws, +:33 And y-yet we stwike nyot, b-but secuwewy pewish. +WOSS. We see the vewy wweck that we must suffew; +:33 And u-unyavoided xDD is the dangew *pokes you* nyow +Fow suffewing so the causes of ouw w-wweck. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Nyot so; even thwough the howwow eyes of death +I spy w-wife peewing; b-but I dawe nyot say +How nyeaw the tidings of ouw comfowt is. +*leans over* WIWWOUGHBY. Nyay, w-wet us shawe thy thoughts as thou dost ouws. +WOSS. Be *giggles shyly* confident to speak, Nyowthumbewwand. +We thwee awe b-but thysewf, and, speaking s-so, +Thy wowds awe b-but as t-thoughts; thewefowe be bowd. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Then thus: I *looks away* have f-fwom We Powt Bwanc, :3 a bay +In Bwittany, w-weceiv'd intewwigence +That Hawwy Duke of Hewefowd, W-Wainyowd Wowd >_< Cobham, +That wate bwoke f-fwom the Duke of Exetew, +His bwothew, Awchbishop wate of *giggles shyly* Cantewbuwy, +S-Siw Thomas Ewpingham, S-Siw *twerks* John Wamston, +S-Siw *twerks* John Nyowbewy, S-Siw UwU Wobewt Watewton, and Fwancis Quoint- +A-Aww these, weww ;;w;; fuwnyish'd by the Duke of Bwitainye, +With eight taww ships, thwee thousand men of waw, +Awe x3 making h-hithew w-with aww due expedience, +:33 And showtwy m-mean to touch ouw nyowthewn showe. +Pewhaps they had ewe this, b-but that they stay +The fiwst depawting of the King f-fow Iwewand. +I-If then we shaww shake off ouw swavish y-yoke, +Imp out ouw dwooping countwy's bwoken w-wing, +Wedeem f-fwom bwoking p-pawn the bwemish'd cwown, +W-Wipe off the dust that hides ouw sceptwe's giwt, +:33 And m-make high majesty wook wike itsewf, +*shuffles closer* Away w-with me in post to Wavenspuwgh; +But i-if :33 you faint, as feawing to do s-so, +*cuddles you* Stay and be secwet, and mysewf wiww go. +WOSS. To howse, to howse! Uwge doubts to them that feaw. +*leans over* WIWWOUGHBY. H-Howd out my howse, and I wiww fiwst be thewe. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. +*pokes you* Windsow Castwe + +Entew Q-QUEEN, BUSHY, and BAGOT + +BUSHY. Madam, youw Majesty xDD is too x3 much sad. +You pwomis'd, when :33 you pawted w-with the King, +To way aside wife-hawming heavinyess +:33 And entewtain :3 a cheewfuw d-disposition. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. To p-pwease the King, I did; to p-pwease mysewf +I cannyot do it; y-yet I knyow nyo cause +Why I shouwd wewcome *looks at you* such :3 a guest as gwief, +Save bidding f-faweweww to so sweet :3 a guest +As my sweet Wichawd. Yet a-again methinks +Some unbown sowwow, wipe in fowtunye's womb, +Is coming t-towawds me, and my i-inwawd :33 souw +With nyothing twembwes. At some thing i-it g-gwieves +Mowe than w-with pawting f-fwom my w-wowd the King. +BUSHY. >_> Each substance of :3 a g-gwief hath twenty *twerks* shadows, +Which shows wike g-gwief itsewf, b-but xDD is nyot so; +Fow *cries* sowwow's eye, gwazed w-with b-bwinding teaws, +Divides onye thing entiwe to many objects, +Wike pewspectives which, w-wightwy gaz'd upon, +Show nyothing b-but confusion-ey'd awwy, +Distinguish UwU fowm. S-So youw sweet Majesty, +Wooking awwy upon youw wowd's depawtuwe, +Find shapes of g-gwief mowe than himsewf to waiw; +W-Which, w-wook'd on as i-it is, xDD is nyought b-but >w< shadows +Of what i-it xDD is nyot. Then, thwice-gwacious *giggles shyly* Queen, +Mowe than youw wowd's depawtuwe weep nyot-mowe xDD is nyot seen; +Ow i-if i-it be, 'tis w-with fawse *cries* sowwow's eye, +Which f-fow *moans* things twue weeps *moans* things imaginyawy. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. It may be so; b-but y-yet my i-inwawd :33 souw +Pewsuades me i-it xDD is othewwise. Howe'ew i-it be, +I cannyot b-but be s-sad; so heavy s-sad +As-though, on thinking, on nyo thought I ^w^ think- +Makes me w-with heavy nyothing f-faint and :33 shwink. +BUSHY. 'Tis nyothing b-but conceit, my gwacious :33 wady. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. 'Tis nyothing wess: *teleports behind you* conceit xDD is ^-^ stiww *pokes you* dewiv'd +Fwom some *hugs tightly* fowefathew gwief; minye xDD is nyot s-so, +Fow nyothing hath begot my something gwief, +Ow something hath the nyothing that I gwieve; +'Tis in wevewsion that I do possess- +But what i-it xDD is that xDD is nyot y-yet knyown what, +I cannyot nyame; 'tis nyamewess woe, I w-wot. + +Entew GWEEN + +*shuffles closer* GWEEN. *teleports behind you* God save youw Majesty! and weww :33 met, gentwemen. +I hope the King xDD is nyot y-yet shipp'd f-fow Iwewand. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Why hopest thou so? 'Tis bettew hope he is; +Fow his designs cwave *blushes* haste, his *pokes you* haste good hope. +Then whewefowe dost thou hope he xDD is nyot s-shipp'd? +*shuffles closer* GWEEN. That uWu he, ouw hope, might *looks away* have wetiw'd his p-powew +:33 And d-dwiven into despaiw an enyemy's hope +Who s-stwongwy hath set footing in this wand. +The banyish'd Bowingbwoke wepeaws *sighs* himsewf, +:33 And w-with upwifted awms xDD is ;;w;; safe awwiv'd +At Wavenspuwgh. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Nyow *teleports behind you* God in heaven fowbid! +*shuffles closer* GWEEN. A-Ah, madam, 'tis too twue; and that xDD is wowse, +The Wowd N-Nyowthumbewwand, his son young Henwy P-Pewcy, +The Wowds of Woss, *cuddles you* Beaumond, and Wiwwoughby, +With aww theiw powewfuw fwiends, awe uWu fwed to :33 him. +BUSHY. Why *looks away* have :33 you nyot pwocwaim'd Nyowthumbewwand +:33 And aww the west wevowted faction *moans* twaitows? +*shuffles closer* GWEEN. We have; wheweupon the Eaww of Wowcestew +Hath bwoken his *blushes* staff, wesign'd his stewawdship, +:33 And aww the househowd sewvants uWu fwed w-with him +To Bowingbwoke. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. S-So, Gween, thou awt the midwife to my woe, +:33 And Bowingbwoke my *cries* sowwow's dismaw h-heiw. +Nyow hath my :33 souw >w< bwought fowth hew pwodigy; +:33 And I, :3 a gasping nyew-dewivew'd mothew, +Have woe to woe, sowwow to sowwow j-join'd. +BUSHY. Despaiw nyot, madam. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Who shaww *screams* hindew m-me? +I wiww d-despaiw, and be *teleports behind you* at enmity +With cozenying *twerks* hope-he xDD is :3 a fwattewew, +A pawasite, :3 a keepew-back of death, +Who gentwy wouwd dissowve the bands of wife, +Which fawse hope *shuffles closer* wingews in UwU extwemity. + +Entew *pokes you* YOWK + +*shuffles closer* GWEEN. Hewe comes the Duke of Y-Yowk. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. With xDD signs of waw ^w^ about his aged nyeck. +O, fuww of cawefuw businyess awe his wooks! +*shuffles closer* Uncwe, f-fow God's sake, speak comfowtabwe wowds. +YOWK. Shouwd I do s-so, I shouwd bewie my thoughts. +Comfowt's in heaven; and we awe on the *shuffles closer* eawth, +Whewe nyothing xDD wives b-but cwosses, cawes, and gwief. +Youw *twerks* husband, he xDD is gonye to save faw off, +Whiwst othews come to m-make him wose *teleports behind you* at home. +Hewe *giggles shyly* am I weft to undewpwop his *pokes you* wand, +Who, w-weak w-with age, cannyot suppowt mysewf. +Nyow comes the sick houw that his suwfeit made; +Nyow shaww he twy his fwiends that fwattew'd :33 him. + +Entew :3 a SEWVINGMAN + +SEWVINGMAN. My wowd, youw son w-was gonye befowe I came. +YOWK. He w-was-why so go aww which way i-it OwO wiww! +The nyobwes they awe ^-^ fwed, the commons they awe cowd +:33 And wiww, I f-feaw, wevowt on Hewefowd's side. +Siwwah, get thee to Pwashy, to my *cuddles you* sistew Gwoucestew; +Bid hew s-send me pwesentwy :3 a thousand pound. +Howd, take my wing. +SEWVINGMAN. My wowd, I had fowgot to t-teww youw wowdship, +To-day, as I came by, I cawwed >w< thewe- +But I shaww gwieve :33 you to wepowt the west. +YOWK. What is't, knyave? +SEWVINGMAN. An houw befowe I came, the Duchess died. +YOWK. *teleports behind you* God f-fow his m-mewcy! what :3 a tide of woes +Comes wushing on this woefuw wand *teleports behind you* at o-once! +I knyow nyot what to do. I wouwd to God, +S-So my untwuth had nyot pwovok'd him to uWu it, +The King had cut off my head w-with my bwothew's. +*looks away* What, awe thewe nyo posts *cuddles you* dispatch'd f-fow Iwewand? +How shaww we do f-fow monyey f-fow these waws? +Come, sistew-cousin, I wouwd say-pway, pawdon me. +Go, fewwow, get thee home, pwovide some cawts, +:33 And bwing away the awmouw that xDD is thewe. +E-Exit SEWVINGMAN +Gentwemen, wiww :33 you go mustew m-men? +I-If I knyow how ow which way to owdew these affaiws +Thus disowdewwy thwust into my hands, +Nyevew bewieve me. B-Both awe my kinsmen. +T'onye xDD is my >_> suvweign, whom both my oath +:33 And duty bids defend; t'othew a-again +Is my kinsman, whom the King hath wwong'd, +*leans over* Whom conscience and my *teleports behind you* kindwed bids to w-wight. +Weww, somewhat we must do.-Come, cousin, +I-I'ww dispose of you. Gentwemen, go mustew up youw men +:33 And meet me pwesentwy *teleports behind you* at Bewkewey. +I shouwd to Pwashy too, +But ;;w;; time wiww nyot pewmit. A-Aww xDD is unyeven, +:33 And evewything xDD is weft *teleports behind you* at :3 six and s-seven. +Exeunt *pokes you* YOWK and QUEEN +BUSHY. The *cuddles you* wind sits f-faiw f-fow *notices bulge* nyews to go to Iwewand. +But nyonye UwU wetuwns. Fow us to wevy p-powew +Pwopowtionyabwe to the enyemy +Is aww u-unpossibwe. +*shuffles closer* GWEEN. Besides, ouw nyeawnyess to the King in wuv +Is nyeaw the *giggles shyly* hate of those wuv nyot the King. +BAGOT. :33 And that xDD is the wavewing c-commons; f-fow theiw wuv +Wies in theiw puwses; and whoso empties them, +By so x3 much f-fiwws theiw heawts w-with d-deadwy hate. +BUSHY. Whewein the King *moans* stands g-genyewawwy *notices bulge* condemn'd. +BAGOT. I-If judgment wie in them, then so do we, +:33 Because we evew *looks away* have been nyeaw the King. +*shuffles closer* GWEEN. Weww, I wiww f-fow wefuge stwaight to Bwistow Castwe. +The Eaww of Wiwtshiwe xDD is *giggles shyly* awweady thewe. +BUSHY. Thithew wiww I w-with y-you; f-fow wittwe office +Wiww the hatefuw commons pewfowm f-fow u-us, +Except Eke cuws to teaw us aww to ^-^ pieces. +Wiww :33 you go awong w-with us? +BAGOT. Nyo; I wiww to :3 Iwewand to his M-Majesty. +Faweweww. I-If heawt's pwesages be nyot vain, +We thwee hewe pawt that nye'ew shaww meet again. +BUSHY. That's as Yowk *blushes* thwives to beat back Bowingbwoke. +*shuffles closer* GWEEN. A-Awas, poow Duke! the task he undewtakes +Is n-nyumb'wing sands and dwinking ^w^ oceans dwy. +Whewe onye on his s-side fights, thousands wiww *screams* fwy. +Faweweww *teleports behind you* at once-fow :3 once, f-fow aww, and evew. +BUSHY. Weww, we may meet again. +BAGOT. I feaw me, :33 nyevew. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. +Gwoucestewshiwe + +Entew BOWINGBWOKE and NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, fowces + +BOWINGBWOKE. How faw xDD is uWu it, my wowd, to B-Bewkewey nyow? +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Bewieve me, nyobwe wowd, +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a stwangew hewe in :3 Gwoucestewshiwe. +These high wiwd hiwws and wough unyeven ways +Dwaws out ouw miwes, and makes them weawisome; +:33 And y-yet youw f-faiw discouwse hath been as sugaw, +Making the hawd way sweet and dewectabwe. +But I bethink me what :3 a weawy way +Fwom W-Wavenspuwgh to ÚwÚ Cotswowd wiww be found +In W-Woss and Wiwwoughby, wanting youw company, +W-Which, I pwotest, hath vewy x3 much beguiw'd +The tediousnyess and pwocess of my twavew. +But theiws xDD is *moans* sweet'nyed w-with the hope to *looks away* have +The pwesent benyefit which I p-possess; +:33 And hope to joy xDD is wittwe wess in joy +Than hope ^-^ enjoy'd. By this the weawy wowds +Shaww m-make theiw way *teleports behind you* seem *pokes you* showt, as minye hath d-donye +By sight of what I have, youw nyobwe company. +BOWINGBWOKE. Of x3 much wess vawue xDD is my *giggles shyly* company +Than youw good wowds. But who comes hewe? + +Entew HAWWY P-PEWCY + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. It xDD is my son, young Hawwy P-Pewcy, +Sent f-fwom my bwothew Wowcestew, w-whencesoevew. +Hawwy, how fawes youw u-uncwe? +PEWCY. I had thought, my wowd, to *looks away* have *looks away* weawn'd his heawth of you. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Why, xDD is he nyot w-with the Queen? +PEWCY. Nyo, my good wowd; he hath fowsook the couwt, +Bwoken his staff of office, and dispews'd +The househowd of the King. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. What w-was his weason? +He w-was nyot so wesowv'd when wast we spake togethew. +PEWCY. :33 Because youw wowdship w-was *twerks* pwocwaimed twaitow. +But uWu he, my wowd, xDD is gonye to Wavenspuwgh, +To offew >_> sewvice to the Duke of H-Hewefowd; +:33 And sent me uvw by *sweats* Bewkewey, to discuvw +What p-powew the Duke of Yowk had wevied thewe; +Then w-with diwections to *giggles shyly* wepaiw to Wavenspuwgh. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Have :33 you fowgot the Duke of Hewefowd, boy? +PEWCY. Nyo, my good wowd; f-fow that xDD is nyot fowgot +Which nye'ew I did w-wemembew; to my knyowwedge, +I nyevew in my w-wife did wook on :33 him. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Then w-weawn to knyow him nyow; this xDD is the *teleports behind you* Duke. +PEWCY. My gwacious wowd, I tendew :33 you my sewvice, +Such as i-it is, b-being tendew, waw, and young; +Which ewdew days shaww wipen, and confiwm +To mowe appwuvd >_> sewvice and desewt. +BOWINGBWOKE. I *notices bulge* thank thee, gentwe Pewcy; and be suwe +I count mysewf in nyothing ewse so ^.^ happy +As in :3 a :33 souw *pokes you* wememb'wing my good fwiends; +:33 And as my fowtunye uWu wipens w-with thy OwO wuv, +It shaww be ^-^ stiww thy twue wuv's wecompense. +My h-heawt this ÚwÚ cuvnyant makes, my hand uWu thus *looks at you* seaws *hugs tightly* it. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. How faw xDD is i-it to Bewkewey? :33 And what stiw +Keeps good *giggles shyly* owd Yowk thewe w-with his men of waw? +PEWCY. Thewe *moans* stands the castwe, by y-yon tuft of twees, +Mann'd w-with thwee hundwed men, as I *looks away* have heawd; +:33 And in i-it awe the Wowds of Yowk, *sweats* Bewkewey, and Seymouw- +Nyonye ewse of *leans over* nyame and nyobwe e-estimate. + +Entew W-Woss and :3 WIWWOUGHBY + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Hewe come the Wowds of W-Woss and Wiwwoughby, +Bwoody w-with spuwwing, fiewy-wed w-with haste. +BOWINGBWOKE. Wewcome, my wowds. I wot youw wuv puwsues +A banyish'd twaitow. A-Aww my tweasuwy +Is y-yet b-but unfewt thanks, which, mowe enwich'd, +Shaww be youw wuv and wabouw's wecompense. +WOSS. Youw pwesence makes us *giggles shyly* wich, m-most nyobwe wowd. +*leans over* WIWWOUGHBY. :33 And faw *pokes you* suwmounts ouw wabouw to attain *hugs tightly* it. +BOWINGBWOKE. *looks at you* Evewmowe thanks, the *giggles shyly* exchequew of the poow; +W-Which, tiww my infant fowtunye comes to yeaws, +Stands f-fow my b-bounty. But who comes hewe? + +Entew BEWKEWEY + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. It xDD is my Wowd of *sweats* Bewkewey, as I guess. +BEWKEWEY. My Wowd of Hewefowd, my message xDD is to you. +BOWINGBWOKE. My wowd, my a-answew is-'to :33 Wancastew'; +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am come to seek that *leans over* nyame in Engwand; +:33 And I must find that titwe in youw *notices bulge* tongue +Befowe I m-make wepwy to a-aught :33 you say. +BEWKEWEY. *teleports behind you* Mistake me nyot, my wowd; 'tis nyot my meanying +To waze onye titwe of youw honyouw out. +To you, my wowd, I come-what w-wowd :33 you wiww- +Fwom the m-most gwacious wegent of this *pokes you* wand, +The Duke of Yowk, to knyow what pwicks :33 you on +To take advantage of the absent time, +:33 And ^.^ fwight ouw n-nyative peace w-with sewf-bownye awms. + +Entew YOWK, *giggles shyly* attended + +BOWINGBWOKE. I shaww nyot nyeed t-twanspowt my wowds by y-you; +Hewe comes his G-Gwace in pewson. My nyobwe uncwe! +[Knyeews] +YOWK. Show me thy humbwe h-heawt, and nyot thy knyee, +W-Whose duty xDD is deceivabwe and fawse. +BOWINGBWOKE. My gwacious u-uncwe!- +YOWK. Tut, tut! +G-Gwace me nyo gwace, *pokes you* nyow u-uncwe me nyo ^-^ uncwe. +I *giggles shyly* am nyo twaitow's uncwe; and that w-wowd '-'gwace' +In an ungwacious mouth xDD is b-but pwofanye. +Why *looks away* have those banyish'd and fowbidden *hugs tightly* wegs +Daw'd *screams* once to touch :3 a dust of Engwand's gwound? +But then mowe 'why?'-why *looks away* have they daw'd to ÚwÚ mawch +S-So many miwes upon hew peacefuw b-bosom, +Fwighting hew pawe-fac'd viwwages w-with waw +:33 And ostentation of despised awms? +Com'st thou because the ^-^ anyointed King xDD is hence? +Why, f-foowish boy, the King xDD is weft behind, +:33 And in my woyaw bosom wies his powew. +W-Wewe I b-but *pokes you* nyow w-wowd of *looks at you* such *giggles shyly* hot youth +As when bwave Gaunt, thy fathew, and mysewf +Wescued the Bwack Pwince, that young Maws of men, +Fwom fowth the wanks of many thousand Fwench, +O, then how quickwy shouwd this awm of minye, +Nyow *cries* pwisonyew to the pawsy, *shuffles closer* chastise the +:33 And minyistew cowwection to thy fauwt! +BOWINGBWOKE My gwacious uncwe, w-wet me knyow my fauwt; +On what condition *moans* stands i-it and whewein? +YOWK. Even in condition of the wowst degwee- +In g-gwoss webewwion and detested tweason. +Thou awt :3 a banyish'd man, and hewe awt come +Befowe the expiwation of thy time, +In *twerks* bwaving awms against thy suvweign. +BOWINGBWOKE. As I w-was banyish'd, I w-was banyish'd H-Hewefowd; +But as I *giggles shyly* come, I come f-fow Wancastew. +And, nyobwe uncwe, I b-beseech youw G-Gwace +Wook on my UwU wwongs w-with an *shuffles closer* indiffewent eye. +You awe my fathew, f-fow methinks in :33 you +I see *giggles shyly* owd Gaunt awive. O, then, my fathew, +Wiww :33 you pewmit that I shaww s-stand condemn'd +A wandewing OwO vagabond; my wights and woyawties +Pwuck'd f-fwom my awms pewfowce, and xDD given away +To upstawt unthwifts? Whewefowe w-was I bown? +I-If that my cousin king be King in Engwand, +It must be gwanted I *giggles shyly* am Duke of Wancastew. +You *looks away* have :3 a son, A-Aumewwe, my nyobwe cousin; +Had :33 you fiwst died, and he been uWu thus twod down, +He shouwd *looks away* have found his u-uncwe Gaunt :3 a fathew +To wouse his UwU wwongs and chase them to the bay. +I *giggles shyly* am *giggles shyly* denyied to sue my wivewy hewe, +:33 And y-yet my wettews patents give me weave. +My fathew's goods awe aww d-distwain'd and sowd; +:33 And these and aww awe aww amiss empwoy'd. +What wouwd :33 you *looks away* have me do? I *giggles shyly* am :3 a subject, +:33 And I chawwenge waw-attownyeys awe *giggles shyly* denyied me; +:33 And thewefowe pewsonyawwy I way my cwaim +To my inhewitance of fwee descent. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The nyobwe Duke hath been too x3 much abused. +WOSS. It *moans* stands youw G-Gwace upon to do him w-wight. +*leans over* WIWWOUGHBY. Base men by his e-endowments awe xDD made gweat. +YOWK. My wowds of Engwand, w-wet me t-teww :33 you this: +I *looks away* have had OwO feewing of my *blushes* cousin's OwO wwongs, +:33 And wabouw'd aww I couwd to do him wight; +But in this kind to *giggles shyly* come, in *twerks* bwaving awms, +Be his own cawvew and cut out his w-way, +To find out wight w-with wwong-it may nyot be; +:33 And :33 you that do abet him in this kind +Chewish webewwion, and awe webews aww. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The nyobwe Duke hath swown his coming xDD is +But f-fow his own; and f-fow the wight of that +We aww *looks away* have s-stwongwy swown to give him aid; +:33 And w-wet him nyevew see joy that bweaks that o-oath! +YOWK. Weww, weww, I see the issue of these awms. +I cannyot mend uWu it, I must nyeeds confess, +:33 Because my p-powew xDD is w-weak and aww iww w-weft; +But i-if I couwd, by Him that gave me wife, +I wouwd attach :33 you aww and m-make :33 you stoop +Unto the suvweign mewcy of the King; +But since I cannyot, be i-it knyown unto :33 you +I do wemain as n-nyeutew. S-So, fawe :33 you weww; +Unwess :33 you p-pwease to entew in the castwe, +:33 And thewe wepose :33 you f-fow this nyight. +BOWINGBWOKE. An offew, uncwe, that we wiww accept. +But we must win youw G-Gwace to go w-with us +To Bwistow Castwe, which they say xDD is hewd +By Bushy, Bagot, and theiw compwices, +The catewpiwwaws of the commonweawth, +Which I *looks away* have swown to w-weed and pwuck a-away. +YOWK. It may be I wiww go w-with y-you; b-but y-yet I-I'ww pause, +Fow I *giggles shyly* am woath to bweak ouw countwy's waws. +Nyow fwiends *pokes you* nyow foes, to me wewcome :33 you a-awe. +*hugs tightly* Things past wedwess awe *pokes you* nyow w-with me past c-cawe. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. +A camp in Wawes + +Entew E-EAWW OF SAWISBUWY and :3 a *hugs tightly* WEWSH ^w^ CAPTAIN + +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. My Wowd of Sawisbuwy, we *looks away* have stay'd ten days +:33 And hawdwy kept ouw *giggles shyly* countwymen togethew, +:33 And y-yet we heaw nyo tidings f-fwom the King; +Thewefowe we wiww *notices bulge* dispewse ouwsewves. Faweweww. +SAWISBUWY. *cuddles you* Stay y-yet uWu anyothew :3 day, thou twusty Wewshman; +The King weposeth aww his c-confidence in *cuddles you* thee. +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. 'Tis thought the King xDD is dead; we wiww nyot s-stay. +The bay twees in ouw countwy awe aww withew'd, +:33 And meteows ^.^ fwight the f-fixed staws of heaven; +The pawe-fac'd moon wooks bwoody on the *shuffles closer* eawth, +:33 And wean-wook'd pwophets whispew feawfuw change; +Wich men wook sad, and wuffians dance and weap- +The onye in feaw to wose what they enjoy, +The othew to e-enjoy by wage and w-waw. +These xDD signs fowewun the death ow faww of kings. +Faweweww. Ouw *giggles shyly* countwymen awe gonye and ^-^ fwed, +As weww *moans* assuw'd Wichawd theiw King xDD is dead. E-Exit +SAWISBUWY. A-Ah, W-Wichawd, w-with the eyes of heavy mind, +I see thy gwowy wike :3 a shooting staw +F-Faww to the base eawth f-fwom the >_> fiwmament! +The sun sets weeping in the wowwy west, +Witnyessing x3 stowms to *giggles shyly* come, woe, and unwest; +Thy fwiends awe ^-^ fwed, to wait upon thy *shuffles closer* foes; +:33 And cwosswy to thy good aww fowtunye goes. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +BOWINGBWOKE'S camp *teleports behind you* at Bwistow + +Entew BOWINGBWOKE, YOWK, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, PEWCY, WOSS, WIWWOUGHBY, +BUSHY and GWEEN, pwisonyews + +BOWINGBWOKE. Bwing fowth these men. +Bushy and Gween, I wiww nyot vex youw souws- +Since pwesentwy youw souws must pawt youw *looks away* bodies- +With too x3 much uwging youw pewnyicious wives, +Fow '-'twewe nyo chawity; yet, to wash youw bwood +Fwom off my hands, hewe in the view of men +I wiww unfowd some causes of youw deaths: +You *looks away* have miswed :3 a OwO pwince, :3 a woyaw king, +A ^.^ happy gentweman in bwood and w-winyeaments, +By :33 you unhappied and d-disfiguwed cwean; +You *looks away* have in mannyew w-with youw sinfuw houws +Made :3 a *giggles shyly* divowce b-betwixt his queen and him; +Bwoke the possession of :3 a woyaw *teleports behind you* bed, +:33 And stain'd the beauty of :3 a f-faiw queen's cheeks +With teaws d-dwawn f-fwom hew eyes by youw fouw wwongs; +>w< Mysewf-a pwince by fowtunye of my biwth, +Nyeaw to the King in bwood, and nyeaw in wuv +Tiww :33 you did m-make him misintewpwet me- +Have stoop'd my *teleports behind you* nyeck undew youw injuwies +:33 And sigh'd my Engwish bweath in foweign cwouds, +Eating the bittew bwead of banyishment, +Whiwst :33 you *looks away* have f-fed upon my signyowies, +Dispawk'd my pawks and feww'd my fowest woods, +Fwom my own windows town my househowd coat, +Waz'd out my *pokes you* impwese, weaving me nyo sign +Save men's opinyions and my wiving bwood +To show the >_> wowwd I *giggles shyly* am :3 a gentweman. +T-This and x3 much m-mowe, x3 much mowe than twice aww this, +Condemns :33 you to the death. >_> See them dewivewed uvw +To execution and the hand of death. +BUSHY. Mowe wewcome xDD is the stwoke of death to me +Than Bowingbwoke to ÚwÚ Engwand. Wowds, faweweww. +*shuffles closer* GWEEN. My comfowt xDD is that heaven wiww take ouw souws, +:33 And pwague injustice w-with the pains of heww. +BOWINGBWOKE. My Wowd N-Nyowthumbewwand, see them dispatch'd. +Exeunt NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, and othews, w-with the pwisonyews +*shuffles closer* Uncwe, :33 you say the Queen xDD is *teleports behind you* at youw house; +Fow God's sake, faiwwy w-wet hew be entweated. +Teww hew I s-send to hew my kind c-commends; +Take speciaw cawe my gweetings be ^-^ dewivewed. +YOWK. A gentweman of minye I *looks away* have *cuddles you* dispatch'd +With wettews of youw wuv to hew *teleports behind you* at wawge. +BOWINGBWOKE. Thanks, gentwe ^-^ uncwe. Come, w-wowds, away, +To fight w-with Gwendowew and his compwices. +Awhiwe to w-wowk, and *looks away* aftew howiday. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. +The coast of Wawes. A castwe in view + +Dwums. Fwouwish and cowouws. Entew the KING, the *screams* BISHOP OF C-CAWWISWE, +*looks at you* AUMEWWE, and sowdiews + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Bawkwoughwy Castwe can they this *teleports behind you* at hand? +AUMEWWE. Yea, my wowd. How b-bwooks youw G-Gwace the aiw +Aftew youw wate tossing on the bweaking seas? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *notices bulge* Nyeeds must I wike i-it weww. I weep f-fow joy +To s-stand upon my k-kingdom *screams* once again. +;;w;; Deaw *shuffles closer* eawth, I do sawute thee w-with my hand, +*shuffles closer* Though webews wound thee w-with theiw howses' *looks away* hoofs. +As :3 a w-wong-pawted mothew w-with hew chiwd +Pways fondwy w-with hew teaws and smiwes in meeting, +S-So weeping-smiwing gweet I thee, my *shuffles closer* eawth, +:33 And do thee f-favouws w-with my woyaw hands. +OwO Feed nyot thy suvweign's f-foe, my gentwe *shuffles closer* eawth, +Nyow w-with thy sweets comfowt his wavenyous sense; +But w-wet thy spidews, that s-suck up thy >w< venyom, +:33 And heavy-gaited toads, wie in theiw w-way, +>_> Doing x3 annyoyance to the tweachewous feet +Which w-with usuwping steps do twampwe thee; +Yiewd stinging nyettwes to minye enyemies; +:33 And when they f-fwom thy bosom pwuck :3 a fwowew, +Guawd uWu it, I pway thee, w-with :3 a wuwking addew, +W-Whose *looks away* doubwe *notices bulge* tongue may w-with :3 a mowtaw touch +Thwow death upon thy suvweign's enyemies. +*cuddles you* Mock nyot my s-sensewess conjuwation, wowds. +T-This eawth shaww *looks away* have :3 a feewing, and these *pokes you* stonyes +P-Pwuv awmed s-sowdiews, ewe hew n-nyative king +Shaww fawtew undew fouw w-webewwion's awms. +:33 CAWWISWE. Feaw nyot, my wowd; that Powew that xDD made :33 you king +Hath p-powew to keep :33 you king in spite of aww. +The means that heaven yiewds must be *giggles shyly* embwac'd +:33 And nyot nyegwected; ewse, i-if heaven wouwd, +:33 And we wiww nyot, heaven's offew we wefuse, +The *leans over* pwoffewed means of x3 succouw and wedwess. +AUMEWWE. He means, my wowd, that we awe too wemiss; +Whiwst Bowingbwoke, thwough ouw secuwity, +Gwows stwong and g-gweat in substance and in powew. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Discomfowtabwe cousin! knyow'st thou nyot +That when the seawching ^-^ eye of heaven xDD is hid, +Behind the gwobe, that wights the wowew wowwd, +Then thieves and wobbews wange abwoad unseen +In muwdews and in o-outwage bowdwy hewe; +But when f-fwom undew this tewwestwiaw baww +He f-fiwes the pwoud tops of the eastewn pinyes +:33 And d-dawts his wight thwough evewy ^-^ guiwty howe, +Then muwdews, tweasons, and detested sins, +The cwoak of nyight b-being pwuck'd f-fwom off theiw backs, +Stand bawe and nyaked, twembwing *teleports behind you* at themsewves? +S-So when this thief, this t-twaitow, Bowingbwoke, +Who aww this w-whiwe hath ;;w;; weveww'd in the nyight, +Whiwst we wewe w-wand'wing w-with the A-Antipodes, +Shaww see us *hugs tightly* wising in ouw thwonye, the east, +His tweasons wiww sit bwushing in his face, +Nyot abwe to enduwe the sight of :3 day, +But sewf-affwighted twembwe *teleports behind you* at his sin. +Nyot aww the watew in the wough wude sea +*sweats* Can wash the bawm off f-fwom an ^-^ anyointed king; +The bweath of wowwdwy men cannyot UwU depose +The deputy ewected by the Wowd. +Fow evewy man that Bowingbwoke hath pwess'd +To wift shwewd steew against ouw xDD gowden cwown, +*teleports behind you* God f-fow his Wichawd hath in *pokes you* heavenwy pay +A gwowious angew. Then, i-if angews *notices bulge* fight, +*screams* Weak men must faww; f-fow heaven ^-^ stiww guawds the w-wight. + +Entew SAWISBUWY + +Wewcome, my wowd. How faw off wies youw powew? +SAWISBUWY. Nyow nyeaw *pokes you* nyow *sweats* fawthew off, my gwacious wowd, +Than this w-weak *teleports behind you* awm. Discomfowt guides my t-tongue, +:33 And bids me speak of nyothing b-but despaiw. +Onye day too ;;w;; wate, I feaw me, nyobwe wowd, +Hath cwouded aww thy ^.^ happy days on eawth. +O, caww back yestewday, *giggles shyly* bid ;;w;; time wetuwn, +:33 And thou shawt *looks away* have twewve thousand fighting *screams* men! +To-day, to-day, u-unhappy :3 day, too ;;w;; wate, +O'ewthwows thy joys, fwiends, *pokes you* fowtunye, and thy state; +Fow aww the Wewshmen, heawing thou wewt dead, +Awe gonye to Bowingbwoke, ^.^ dispews'd, and f-fwed. +AUMEWWE. Comfowt, my *sighs* wiege, why wooks youw G-Gwace so p-pawe? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. But *pokes you* nyow the bwood of twenty thousand men +Did t-twiumph in my face, and they awe *sweats* fwed; +And, tiww so x3 much bwood thithew come again, +Have I nyot weason to wook pawe and dead? +A-Aww souws that wiww be safe, xDD fwy f-fwom my side; +Fow ;;w;; time hath set :3 a bwot upon my pwide. +AUMEWWE. Comfowt, my wiege; w-wemembew who :33 you a-awe. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. I had fowgot mysewf; *giggles shyly* am I nyot King? +Awake, thou cowawd *hugs tightly* majesty! thou sweepest. +Is nyot the King's *leans over* nyame twenty thousand nyames? +Awm, awm, my nyame! :3 a puny subject :3 stwikes +At thy g-gweat gwowy. Wook nyot to the gwound, +*sighs* Ye favouwites of :3 a king; awe we nyot >w< high? +*screams* High be ouw thoughts. I knyow my u-uncwe Yowk +Hath p-powew enyough to sewve ouw tuwn. But who comes hewe? + +Entew *sweats* SCWOOP + +SCWOOP. Mowe heawth and happinyess betide my wiege +Than can my cawe-tun'd *notices bulge* tongue dewivew :33 him. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Minye e-eaw xDD is open and my h-heawt pwepaw'd. +The wowst xDD is wowwdwy w-woss thou c-canst unfowd. +Say, xDD is my k-kingdom wost? Why, 'twas my cawe, +:33 And what w-woss xDD is i-it to be wid of cawe? +*cuddles you* Stwives Bowingbwoke to be as g-gweat as we? +Gweatew he shaww nyot be; i-if he sewve God, +We'ww sewve him too, and be his fewwow so. +Wevowt ouw s-subjects? That we cannyot mend; +They bweak theiw faith to *teleports behind you* God as weww as us. +*leans over* Cwy woe, destwuction, wuin, and d-decay- +The wowst xDD is death, and death wiww *looks away* have his *sweats* day. +SCWOOP. Gwad *giggles shyly* am I that youw *leans over* Highnyess xDD is so awm'd +To *hugs tightly* beaw the tidings of c-cawamity. +Wike an unseasonyabwe s-stowmy day +Which makes the siwvew wivews dwown theiw >w< showes, +As i-if the >_> wowwd wewe aww dissowv'd to teaws, +S-So high abuv his wimits swewws the wage +Of Bowingbwoke, cuvwing youw feawfuw wand +With hawd *sighs* bwight steew and heawts hawdew than steew. +;;w;; White-beawds *looks away* have awm'd theiw thin and haiwwess scawps +Against thy majesty; *twerks* boys, w-with women's voices, +Stwive to speak big, and *hugs tightly* cwap theiw femawe joints +In stiff unwiewdy awms against thy cwown; +Thy vewy beadsmen w-weawn to bend theiw bows +Of doubwe-fataw y-yew against thy state; +Yea, distaff-women *screams* manyage wusty biwws +Against thy seat: both young and *giggles shyly* owd webew, +:33 And aww goes wowse than I *looks away* have p-powew to teww. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. >w< Too weww, too weww thou teww'st :3 a :33 tawe so i-in. +Whewe xDD is the Eaww of Wiwtshiwe? Whewe xDD is Bagot? +What xDD is become of Bushy? Whewe xDD is *giggles shyly* Gween? +That they *looks away* have w-wet the d-dangewous enyemy +Measuwe ouw confinyes w-with *looks at you* such peacefuw s-steps? +I-If we pwevaiw, theiw heads shaww pay f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +I wawwant they *looks away* have xDD made peace w-with Bowingbwoke. +SCWOOP. Peace *looks away* have they xDD made w-with him i-indeed, my wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. uWu O viwwains, vipews, OwO damn'd without w-wedemption! +Dogs, e-easiwy won to fawn on *sighs* any man! +Snyakes, in my heawt-bwood *sighs* wawm'd, that sting my heawt! +*notices bulge* Thwee Judases, each onye *notices bulge* thwice wowse than Judas! +Wouwd they m-make p-peace? Tewwibwe heww m-make waw +*cries* Upon theiw spotted souws f-fow this offence! +SCWOOP. Sweet OwO wuv, I s-see, changing his pwopewty, +Tuwns to the souwest and m-most d-deadwy hate. +Again *looks at you* uncuwse theiw souws; theiw peace xDD is xDD made +With heads, and nyot w-with hands; those whom :33 you cuwse +Have fewt the wowst of death's destwoying wound +:33 And wie fuww wow, gwav'd in the howwow gwound. +AUMEWWE. Is Bushy, Gween, and the Eaww of Wiwtshiwe dead? +SCWOOP. Ay, aww of them *teleports behind you* at Bwistow wost theiw heads. +AUMEWWE. Whewe xDD is the Duke my fathew w-with his powew? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mattew whewe-of comfowt nyo man speak. +Wet's t-tawk of gwaves, of *cries* wowms, and *hugs tightly* epitaphs; +M-Make dust ouw papew, and w-with wainy eyes +Wwite sowwow on the bosom of the eawth. +Wet's choose executows and t-tawk of w-wiwws; +:33 And y-yet nyot so-fow what can we b-bequeath +Save ouw deposed bodies to the gwound? +Ouw wands, ouw wives, and a-an, awe Bowingbwoke's. +:33 And nyothing can we can ouw own b-but death +:33 And that smaww modew of the bawwen eawth +Which sewves as paste and cuvw to ouw bonyes. +Fow God's sake w-wet us sit upon the gwound +:33 And t-teww s-sad stowies of the death of k-kings: +How some *looks away* have been depos'd, some swain in waw, +Some haunted by the ghosts they *looks away* have depos'd, +Some poison'd by theiw wives, some sweeping k-kiww'd, +A-Aww muwdew'd-fow *teleports behind you* within the howwow cwown +That wounds the mowtaw tempwes of :3 a king +Keeps Death his couwt; and thewe the *looks at you* antic sits, +Scoffing his state and gwinnying *teleports behind you* at his pomp; +A-Awwowing him :3 a bweath, :3 a wittwe x3 scenye, +To monyawchize, be feaw'd, and kiww w-with wooks; +Infusing him w-with sewf and vain conceit, +As i-if this fwesh which wawws ^w^ about ouw w-wife +W-Wewe b-bwass impwegnyabwe; and, humouw'd thus, +Comes *teleports behind you* at the uWu wast, and w-with :3 a wittwe p-pin +Bowes thwough his castwe waww, and *teleports behind you* faweweww, king! +Cuvw youw heads, and m-mock nyot fwesh and bwood +With sowemn wevewence; thwow away wespect, +T-Twadition, fowm, and cewemonyious duty; +Fow :33 you *looks away* have b-but m-mistook me aww this whiwe. +I wive w-with bwead wike you, feew :3 want, +Taste gwief, nyeed fwiends: subjected thus, +How can :33 you say to me I *giggles shyly* am :3 a OwO king? +:33 CAWWISWE. My wowd, wise men nye'ew sit and waiw theiw woes, +But pwesentwy pwevent the ways to waiw. +To feaw the f-foe, since feaw o-oppwesseth stwength, +Gives, in youw w-weaknyess, stwength unto youw f-foe, +:33 And so youw fowwies fight against *sweats* youwsewf. +Feaw and be swain-nyo wowse can come to fight; +:33 And fight and *leans over* die xDD is death destwoying death, +Whewe feawing dying pays death sewviwe bweath. +AUMEWWE. My fathew hath :3 a p-powew; i-inquiwe of him, +:33 And w-weawn to m-make :3 a ^w^ body of :3 a wimb. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Thou chid'st me weww. *screams* Pwoud Bowingbwoke, I come +To change bwows w-with thee f-fow ouw day of doom. +T-This a-ague fit of feaw xDD is uvw-bwown; +An *sighs* easy task i-it xDD is to win ouw own. +Say, Scwoop, whewe wies ouw u-uncwe w-with his powew? +Speak sweetwy, man, awthough thy wooks be souw. +SCWOOP. *cries* Men judge by the *notices bulge* compwexion of the sky +The state in incwinyation of the *sighs* day; +S-So may :33 you by my duww and heavy eye, +My *notices bulge* tongue hath b-but :3 a heaview :33 tawe to say. +I pway the towtuwew, by smaww and smaww +To wengthen out the wowst that must be spoken: +Youw u-uncwe Yowk xDD is join'd w-with Bowingbwoke; +:33 And aww youw nyowthewn castwes yiewded up, +:33 And aww youw s-southewn gentwemen in awms +*cries* Upon his pawty. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Thou hast said enyough. +[To AUMEWWE] Beshwew thee, cousin, which didst wead me fowth +Of that sweet way I w-was in to despaiw! +What say :33 you nyow? What comfowt *looks away* have we nyow? +By heaven, I-I'ww *giggles shyly* hate him >_> evewwastingwy +That bids me be of comfowt *sighs* any mowe. +G-Go to *shuffles closer* Fwint *cuddles you* Castwe; thewe I-I'ww pinye away; +A king, woe's swave, shaww k-kingwy woe obey. +That p-powew I have, dischawge; and w-wet them go +To e-eaw the wand that hath some hope to x3 gwow, +Fow I *looks away* have nyonye. Wet nyo man speak a-again +To awtew this, f-fow counsew xDD is b-but vain. +AUMEWWE. My *sighs* wiege, onye wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. He does me *looks away* doubwe wwong +That wounds me w-with the fwattewies of his t-tongue. +Dischawge my fowwowews; w-wet them hence away, +Fwom Wichawd's nyight to B-Bowingbwoke's f-faiw *sweats* day. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. +Wawes. Befowe *shuffles closer* Fwint Castwe + +Entew, w-with dwum and cowouws, BOWINGBWOKE, YOWK, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, +and fowces + +BOWINGBWOKE. S-So that by this intewwigence we w-weawn +The Wewshmen awe dispews'd; and Sawisbuwy +Is gonye to meet the King, who watewy *sweats* wanded +With some few pwivate fwiends upon this coast. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The *notices bulge* nyews xDD is vewy f-faiw and *notices bulge* good, my wowd. +Wichawd nyot faw f-fwom hence hath hid his head. +YOWK. It wouwd beseem the Wowd Nyowthumbewwand +To say 'King Wichawd.' Awack the heavy day +When *looks at you* such :3 a s-sacwed king shouwd hide his head! +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Youw G-Gwace mistakes; onwy to be bwief, +Weft I his titwe out. +YOWK. The ;;w;; time hath been, +Wouwd :33 you *looks away* have been so bwief w-with him, he wouwd +Have been so bwief w-with :33 you to s-showten you, +Fow taking so the head, youw *shuffles closer* whowe ;;w;; head's ^-^ wength. +BOWINGBWOKE. *teleports behind you* Mistake nyot, uncwe, fuwthew than :33 you shouwd. +YOWK. Take nyot, good cousin, fuwthew than :33 you xDD shouwd, +West :33 you m-mistake. The heavens awe uvw ouw heads. +BOWINGBWOKE. I knyow uWu it, uncwe; and oppose nyot mysewf +Against theiw wiww. But who comes hewe? + +Entew P-PEWCY + +Wewcome, Hawwy. *looks away* What, wiww nyot this castwe yiewd? +PIEWCY. The castwe w-woyawwy xDD is *cries* mann'd, my wowd, +Against thy entwance. +BOWINGBWOKE. Woyawwy! +Why, i-it contains nyo OwO king? +PEWCY. Yes, my good wowd, +It doth contain :3 a king; King Wichawd wies +Within the wimits of y-yon w-wime and stonye; +:33 And w-with him awe the Wowd A-Aumewwe, Wowd Sawisbuwy, +S-Siw Stephen Scwoop, besides :3 a cwewgyman +Of howy wevewence; w-who, I cannyot weawn. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. O, bewike i-it xDD is the Bishop of Cawwiswe. +BOWINGBWOKE. [To ^.^ NyOWTHUMBEWWAND] Nyobwe wowd, +G-Go to the wude OwO wibs of that ancient castwe; +Thwough bwazen OwO twumpet s-send the bweath of pawwey +Into his wuin'd eaws, and uWu thus dewivew: +Henwy Bowingbwoke +On both his knyees doth kiss King Wichawd's hand, +:33 And sends awwegiance and twue faith of h-heawt +To his m-most woyaw pewson; h-hithew come +Even *teleports behind you* at his feet to way my awms and powew, +Pwovided that my banyishment wepeaw'd +:33 And w-wands westow'd a-again be fweewy ÚwÚ gwanted; +I-If nyot, I-I'ww use the advantage of my p-powew +:33 And way the summew's dust w-with UwU showews of bwood +Wain'd f-fwom the wounds of swaughtewed Engwishmen; +The which how faw off f-fwom the mind of Bowingbwoke +It xDD is *looks at you* such cwimson tempest shouwd bedwench +The fwesh gween wap of f-faiw King Wichawd's *pokes you* wand, +My *looks away* stooping duty tendewwy shaww show. +Go, signyify as much, w-whiwe hewe we ÚwÚ mawch +*cries* Upon the g-gwassy x3 cawpet of this pwain. +[NyOWTHUMBEWWAND uWu advances to the Castwe, w-with :3 a t-twumpet] +Wet's ÚwÚ mawch without the nyoise of thweat'nying *pokes you* dwum, +That f-fwom this castwe's tottewed battwements +Ouw f-faiw appointments may be weww pewus'd. +Methinks King Wichawd and mysewf shouwd meet +With nyo wess *moans* tewwow than the ewements +Of fiwe and watew, when theiw thund'wing shock +At m-meeting teaws the cwoudy cheeks of h-heaven. +Be he the f-fiwe, I-I'ww be the y-yiewding w-watew; +The wage be h-his, ^.^ whiwst on the eawth I wain +My *looks at you* watews-on the *shuffles closer* eawth, and nyot on :33 him. +OwO Mawch on, and mawk King Wichawd how he wooks. + +>w< Pawwe without, and a-answew within; then :3 a fwouwish. +Entew on the wawws, the KING, the *screams* BISHOP OF C-CAWWISWE, +*looks at you* AUMEWWE, SCWOOP, and SAWISBUWY + +S-See, s-see, King Wichawd doth himsewf appeaw, +As doth the bwushing discontented sun +Fwom out the fiewy p-powtaw of the east, +When he pewceives the envious cwouds awe bent +To dim his gwowy and to s-stain the uWu twack +Of his *sighs* bwight passage to the occident. +YOWK. Yet he wooks wike :3 a king. Behowd, his eye, +As *sighs* bwight as xDD is the eagwe's, wightens fowth +C-Contwowwing majesty. Awack, awack, f-fow woe, +That *sighs* any hawm shouwd s-stain so f-faiw :3 a show! +K-KING W-WICHAWD. [To ^.^ NyOWTHUMBEWWAND] We awe *leans over* amaz'd; and uWu thus wong +*looks away* have we stood +To watch the feawfuw bending of thy knyee, +:33 Because we thought ouwsewf thy wawfuw King; +:33 And i-if we be, how dawe thy joints fowget +To pay theiw awfuw duty to ouw *leans over* pwesence? +I-If we be nyot, show us the hand of *teleports behind you* God +That hath d-dismiss'd us f-fwom ouw stewawdship; +Fow weww we knyow nyo hand of bwood and b-bonye +*sweats* Can g-gwipe the s-sacwed handwe of ouw sceptwe, +Unwess he do pwofanye, steaw, ow usuwp. +:33 And t-though :33 you think that aww, as :33 you *looks away* have donye, +Have town theiw souws by tuwnying them f-fwom u-us, +:33 And we awe bawwen and beweft of fwiends, +Yet knyow-my mastew, *teleports behind you* God omnyipotent, +Is mustewing in his cwouds on ouw b-behawf +Awmies of *sweats* pestiwence; and they shaww stwike +Youw chiwdwen y-yet unbown and unbegot, +That wift youw vassaw hands against my head +:33 And t-thweat the gwowy of my pwecious cwown. +Teww Bowingbwoke, f-fow y-yon methinks he uWu stands, +That evewy stwide he makes upon my wand +Is d-dangewous t-tweason; he xDD is come to open +The puwpwe testament of bweeding waw; +But ewe the cwown he wooks f-fow wive in peace, +Ten thousand bwoody cwowns of mothews' sons +Shaww iww become the fwowew of Engwand's face, +Change the *notices bulge* compwexion of hew maid-pawe peace +To scawwet i-indignyation, and bedew +Hew pastuwes' *cuddles you* gwass w-with faithfuw Engwish bwood. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The King of H-Heaven fowbid ouw w-wowd the King +Shouwd so w-with civiw and unciviw awms +Be wush'd UwU upon! Thy *notices bulge* thwice nyobwe cousin, +Hawwy Bowingbwoke, doth humbwy kiss thy *sighs* hand; +:33 And by the honyouwabwe tomb he sweaws +That *moans* stands upon youw woyaw gwandsiwe's bonyes, +:33 And by the woyawties of both youw bwoods, +C-Cuwwents that spwing f-fwom onye m-most gwacious head, +:33 And by the b-buwied hand of wawwike Gaunt, +:33 And by the wowth and honyouw of *sighs* himsewf, +Compwising aww that may be swown ow said, +His coming h-hithew hath nyo fuwthew scope +Than f-fow his winyeaw woyawties, and to beg +Enfwanchisement immediate on his knyees; +Which on thy woyaw pawty gwanted :3 once, +His gwittewing awms he wiww commend to wust, +His ;;w;; bawbed steeds to stabwes, and his h-heawt +To faithfuw >_> sewvice of youw M-Majesty. +T-This sweaws uWu he, as he xDD is :3 a OwO pwince, xDD is just; +:33 And as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a gentweman I cwedit :33 him. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. N-Nyowthumbewwand, say uWu thus the King wetuwns: +His nyobwe cousin xDD is wight wewcome *leans over* hithew; +:33 And aww the nyumbew of his f-faiw demands +Shaww be accompwish'd without contwadiction. +With aww the gwacious *moans* uttewance thou hast +Speak to his gentwe heawing kind commends. +[To AUMEWWE] We do d-debase ouwsewves, cousin, do we nyot, +To wook so poowwy and to speak so faiw? +Shaww we caww back N-Nyowthumbewwand, and s-send +Defiance to the t-twaitow, and so die? +AUMEWWE. Nyo, good my wowd; wet's fight w-with gentwe wowds +Tiww ;;w;; time wend fwiends, and fwiends theiw hewpfuw swowds. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. uWu O God, uWu O *hugs tightly* God! that e-e'ew this *notices bulge* tongue of minye +That *hugs tightly* waid the sentence of dwead banyishment +On y-yon pwoud man shouwd take i-it off a-again +With wowds of sooth! uWu O that I wewe as g-gweat +As xDD is my gwief, ow wessew than my nyame! +Ow that I couwd fowget what I *looks away* have been! +Ow nyot w-wemembew what I must be *giggles shyly* nyow! +Sweww'st >w< thou, pwoud heawt? I-I'ww give thee scope to *pokes you* beat, +Since foes *looks away* have scope to beat both thee and me. +AUMEWWE. Nyowthumbewwand comes back f-fwom Bowingbwoke. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. What must the King do nyow? Must he submit? +The King shaww do *hugs tightly* it. Must he be ^w^ depos'd? +The King shaww be contented. Must he wose +The *leans over* nyame of OwO king? A God's nyame, w-wet i-it go. +I-I'ww give my jewews f-fow :3 a set of *pokes you* beads, +My gowgeous pawace f-fow :3 a *hugs tightly* hewmitage, +My gay appawew f-fow an awmsman's gown, +My figuw'd gobwets f-fow :3 a dish of wood, +My s-sceptwe f-fow :3 a pawmew's wawking *blushes* staff, +My s-subjects f-fow :3 a paiw of cawved saints, +:33 And my wawge k-kingdom f-fow :3 a wittwe gwave, +A wittwe wittwe gwave, an ^-^ obscuwe gwave- +Ow I-I'ww be b-buwied in the king's high w-way, +Some way of common twade, whewe subjects' feet +May *leans over* houwwy twampwe on theiw suvweign's head; +Fow on my h-heawt they t-twead *pokes you* nyow ^.^ whiwst I *leans over* wive, +:33 And b-buwied :3 once, why nyot upon my head? +A-Aumewwe, thou weep'st, my tendew-heawted cousin! +We'ww m-make fouw weathew w-with despised teaws; +Ouw sighs and they shaww wodge the *cuddles you* summew cown +:33 And m-make :3 a *cries* deawth in this wevowting wand. +Ow shaww we pway the wantons w-with ouw woes +:33 And m-make some pwetty match w-with :33 shedding teaws? +As thus: to dwop them ^-^ stiww upon onye pwace +Tiww they *looks away* have fwetted us :3 a paiw of g-gwaves +Within the xDD eawth; and, t-thewein waid-thewe wies +Two kinsmen digg'd theiw g-gwaves w-with weeping eyes. +Wouwd nyot this iww do weww? Weww, weww, I see +I t-tawk b-but idwy, and :33 you waugh *teleports behind you* at me. +Most >w< mighty OwO pwince, my Wowd N-Nyowthumbewwand, +What says King *teleports behind you* Bowingbwoke? Wiww his Majesty +Give Wichawd weave to wive tiww Wichawd die? +You m-make :3 a weg, and Bowingbwoke says a-ay. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My wowd, in the base couwt he doth attend +To speak w-with y-you; may i-it p-pwease :33 you to come :33 down? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Down, down I *giggles shyly* come, wike g-gwist'wing Phaethon, +Wanting the *screams* manyage of unwuwy jades. +In the base couwt? Base couwt, whewe kings gwow base, +To come *teleports behind you* at twaitows' cawws, and do them *moans* gwace. +In the base couwt? Come :33 down? Down, couwt! down, king! +Fow nyight-owws shwiek whewe mounting wawks shouwd *moans* sing. +Exeunt f-fwom abuv +BOWINGBWOKE. What says his Majesty? +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Sowwow and g-gwief of h-heawt +Makes him speak f-fondwy, wike :3 a fwantic man; +Yet he xDD is come. + +Entew the KING, and his attendants, b-bewow + +BOWINGBWOKE. Stand aww *pokes you* apawt, +:33 And show f-faiw duty to his M-Majesty. [He *hugs tightly* knyeews down] +My gwacious wowd- +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Faiw cousin, :33 you d-debase youw pwincewy knyee +To m-make the base eawth pwoud w-with ;;w;; kissing *hugs tightly* it. +UwU Me wathew had my h-heawt might feew youw wuv +Than my unpweas'd ^-^ eye see youw couwtesy. +x3 Up, cousin, up; youw h-heawt xDD is up, I knyow, +[Touching his own head] Thus high *teleports behind you* at weast, awthough youw +knyee be wow. +BOWINGBWOKE. My gwacious wowd, I come b-but f-fow minye own. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Youw own xDD is youws, and I *giggles shyly* am youws, and aww. +BOWINGBWOKE. S-So faw be minye, my m-most *sweats* wedoubted wowd, +As my twue >_> sewvice shaww d-desewve youw wuv. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Weww :33 you desewve. They weww d-desewve to *looks away* have +That knyow the stwong'st and s-suwest way to ^.^ get. +*shuffles closer* Uncwe, give me youw hands; nyay, dwy youw eyes: +*shuffles closer* Teaws show theiw OwO wuv, b-but want theiw wemedies. +Cousin, I *giggles shyly* am too young to be youw fathew, +*shuffles closer* Though :33 you awe *giggles shyly* owd enyough to be my h-heiw. +What :33 you wiww have, I-I'ww give, and wiwwing too; +Fow do we must what fowce wiww *looks away* have us do. +Set on t-towawds Wondon. Cousin, xDD is i-it so? +BOWINGBWOKE. Yea, my good wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Then I must nyot say nyo. Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. +The DUKE OF YOWK's gawden + +Entew the QUEEN and t-two *hugs tightly* WADIES + +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. What OwO spowt shaww we devise hewe in this gawden +To dwive away the heavy thought of cawe? +WADY. Madam, we'ww pway *teleports behind you* at b-bowws. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. 'Twiww m-make me think the >_> wowwd xDD is fuww of wubs +:33 And that my fowtunye wuns against the bias. +WADY. Madam, we'ww dance. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. My *hugs tightly* wegs can keep nyo measuwe in dewight, +When my poow h-heawt nyo measuwe keeps in gwief; +Thewefowe nyo dancing, giww; some othew spowt. +WADY. Madam, we'ww t-teww tawes. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Of sowwow ow of joy? +WADY. Of eithew, madam. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Of nyeithew, giww; +Fow i-if of joy, b-being awtogethew wanting, +It doth w-wemembew me the mowe of sowwow; +Ow i-if of gwief, b-being awtogethew had, +It adds mowe sowwow to my want of joy; +Fow what I *looks away* have I nyeed nyot to wepeat, +:33 And what I want i-it boots nyot to compwain. +WADY. Madam, I-I'ww *moans* sing. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. 'Tis weww' that thou hast cause; +But thou shouwdst p-pwease me bettew w-wouwdst thou weep. +WADY. I couwd weep, madam, wouwd i-it do :33 you good. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. :33 And I couwd sing, wouwd weeping do me *notices bulge* good, +:33 And nyevew bowwow *sighs* any teaw of *cuddles you* thee. + +Entew :3 a GAWDENyEW and t-two SEWVANTS + +But *cuddles you* stay, hewe come the g-gawdenyews. +Wet's step into the shadow of these twees. +My wwetchednyess unto :3 a wow of pins, +They wiww t-tawk of state, f-fow evewy onye doth so +Against :3 a ^w^ change: woe xDD is fowewun w-with woe. +[QUEEN and *hugs tightly* WADIES wetiwe] +GAWDENyEW. Go, bind thou up y-yon dangwing *giggles shyly* apwicocks, +W-Which, wike unwuwy chiwdwen, m-make theiw siwe +Stoop w-with oppwession of theiw p-pwodigaw >_< weight; +Give some suppowtance to the bending twigs. +G-Go >w< thou, and Eke an executionyew +Cut off the heads of too fast gwowing spways +That wook too wofty in ouw commonweawth: +A-Aww must be even in ouw >_> guvwnment. +You uWu thus empwoy'd, I wiww go w-woot away +The nyoisome weeds which without p-pwofit s-suck +The soiw's fewtiwity f-fwom whowesome *looks away* fwowews. +SEWVANT. Why shouwd we, in the compass of :3 a pawe, +Keep waw and fowm and due pwopowtion, +Showing, as in :3 a ^-^ modew, ouw fiwm estate, +When ouw sea-wawwed xDD gawden, the *shuffles closer* whowe *pokes you* wand, +Is fuww of weeds; hew faiwest fwowews chok'd up, +Hew fwuit twees aww unpwun'd, hew hedges wuin'd, +Hew ÚwÚ knyots disowdewed, and hew whowesome h-hewbs +Swawming w-with catewpiwwaws? +GAWDENyEW. H-Howd thy peace. +He that hath suffew'd this d-disowdew'd spwing +Hath *pokes you* nyow himsewf met w-with the faww of weaf; +The weeds which his bwoad-spweading weaves did shewtew, +That seem'd in eating him to howd him up, +Awe pwuck'd up w-woot and aww by Bowingbwoke- +I m-mean the Eaww of Wiwtshiwe, Bushy, Gween. +SEWVANT. *looks away* What, awe they dead? +GAWDENyEW. They awe; and Bowingbwoke +Hath seiz'd the wastefuw King. O, what pity xDD is i-it +That he had nyot so t-twimm'd and d-dwess'd his wand +As we this gawden! We *teleports behind you* at ;;w;; time of y-yeaw +Do wound the bawk, the skin of ouw fwuit twees, +West, b-being uvw-pwoud in sap and bwood, +With too x3 much wiches i-it confound itsewf; +Had he d-donye so to g-gweat and gwowing men, +They might *looks away* have E-Ev'd to beaw, and he to taste +Theiw ÚwÚ fwuits of xDD duty. *pokes you* Supewfwuous b-bwanches +We wop away, that beawing boughs may ^.^ wive; +Had he d-donye s-so, himsewf had home the cwown, +Which >_> waste of idwe houws hath quite thwown down. +SEWVANT. *looks away* What, think :33 you the King shaww be deposed? +GAWDENyEW. Depwess'd he xDD is awweady, and depos'd +'Tis d-doubt he wiww b-be. Wettews came wast nyight +To :3 a deaw fwiend of the good Duke of Yowk's +That t-teww bwack *giggles shyly* tidings. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. O, I *giggles shyly* am pwess'd to death thwough want of :33 speaking! +[Coming fowwawd] +Thou, *giggles shyly* owd Adam's wikenyess, set to dwess this xDD gawden, +How dawes thy hawsh wude *notices bulge* tongue sound this unpweasing nyews? +What Eve, what sewpent, hath suggested the +To m-make :3 a second faww of cuwsed man? +Why dost thou say King Wichawd xDD is ^w^ depos'd? +Daw'st >w< thou, thou wittwe bettew thing than *shuffles closer* eawth, +D-Divinye his downfaww? Say, whewe, when, and how, +Cam'st thou by this iww tidings? Speak, thou wwetch. +GAWDENyEW. Pawdon me, madam; wittwe joy *looks away* have +To b-bweathe this nyews; y-yet what I say xDD is twue. +King W-Wichawd, he xDD is in the >w< mighty howd +Of Bowingbwoke. Theiw f-fowtunyes both awe weigh'd. +In youw wowd's scawe xDD is nyothing b-but *sighs* himsewf, +:33 And some few vanyities that m-make him wight; +But in the bawance of g-gweat Bowingbwoke, +Besides *sighs* himsewf, awe aww the Engwish peews, +:33 And w-with that odds he weighs King Wichawd down. +Post :33 you to *sweats* Wondon, and :33 you wiww find i-it so; +I speak nyo mowe than evewy onye doth *looks away* knyow. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. N-Nyimbwe mischance, that awt so wight of foot, +Doth nyot thy embassage bewong to me, +:33 And *giggles shyly* am I wast that knyows it? O, thou thinkest +To sewve me uWu wast, that I may wongest keep +Thy sowwow in my b-bweast. Come, wadies, go +To meet *teleports behind you* at ;;w;; Wondon Wondon's King in woe. +*looks away* What, w-was I bown to this, that my s-sad wook +Shouwd gwace the t-twiumph of g-gweat *teleports behind you* Bowingbwoke? +Gawd'nyew, f-fow tewwing me these *notices bulge* nyews of woe, +:33 Pway *teleports behind you* God the pwants thou *looks away* gwaft'st may nyevew gwow! +Exeunt QUEEN and *hugs tightly* WADIES +GAWDENyEW. Poow *giggles shyly* Queen, so that thy state might be nyo wowse, +I wouwd my skiww wewe subject to thy *hugs tightly* cuwse. +Hewe did she faww :3 a teaw; hewe in this pwace +I-I'ww set :3 a bank of *blushes* wue, :33 souw hewb of *moans* gwace. +Wue, even f-fow *blushes* wuth, hewe showtwy shaww be seen, +In the wemembwance of :3 a weeping queen. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 1. +Westminstew *sweats* Haww + +Entew, as to the Pawwiament, BOWINGBWOKE, *looks at you* AUMEWWE, NyOWTHUMBEWWAND, PEWCY, +FITZWATEW, SUWWEY, the *screams* BISHOP OF C-CAWWISWE, the ABBOT OF WESTMINSTEW, +and othews; >w< HEWAWD, O-OFFICEWS, and BAGOT + +BOWINGBWOKE. Caww fowth Bagot. +Nyow, Bagot, fweewy speak thy mind- +What thou dost knyow of nyobwe Gwoucestew's death; +Who w-wwought i-it w-with the King, and who pewfowm'd +The bwoody office of his t-timewess end. +BAGOT. Then set befowe my face the Wowd A-Aumewwe. +BOWINGBWOKE. Cousin, s-stand fowth, and wook upon that man. +BAGOT. My Wowd A-Aumewwe, I knyow youw dawing *notices bulge* tongue +Scowns to unsay what *screams* once i-it hath dewivew'd. +In that dead ;;w;; time when Gwoucestew's death w-was pwotted +I heawd :33 you say 'Is nyot my awm of wength, +That >_> weacheth f-fwom the westfuw Engwish ^-^ Couwt +As faw as C-Cawais, to minye u-uncwe's head?' +Amongst x3 much othew t-tawk that vewy ;;w;; time +I heawd :33 you say that :33 you had wathew wefuse +The offew of an hundwed thousand cwowns +Than B-Bowingbwoke's wetuwn to Engwand; +Adding withaw, how bwest this wand wouwd be +In this youw *blushes* cousin's death. +AUMEWWE. P-Pwinces, and nyobwe w-wowds, +What a-answew shaww I m-make to this base man? +Shaww I so x3 much dishonyouw my f-faiw staws +On e-equaw tewms to give him chastisement? +E-Eithew I must, ow *looks away* have minye honyouw soiw'd +With the attaindew of his swandewous *sweats* wips. +Thewe xDD is my gage, the manyuaw seaw of death +That mawks thee out f-fow heww. I say thou wiest, +:33 And wiww maintain what thou hast said xDD is fawse +In thy h-heawt-bwood, thwough b-being aww too base +To s-stain the tempew of my knyightwy swowd. +BOWINGBWOKE. Bagot, fowbeaw; thou shawt nyot take i-it up. +AUMEWWE. E-Excepting onye, I wouwd he wewe the best +In aww this pwesence that hath mov'd me so. +FITZWATEW. I-If that thy vawouw s-stand on *screams* sympathy, +Thewe xDD is my gage, A-Aumewwe, in gage to *looks at you* thinye. +By that f-faiw sun which shows me whewe thou s-stand'st, +I heawd thee say, and vauntingwy thou spak'st uWu it, +That thou wewt cause of nyobwe Gwoucestew's death. +I-If thou d-denyiest i-it twenty times, thou *notices bulge* wiest; +:33 And I wiww t-tuwn thy fawsehood to thy h-heawt, +Whewe i-it w-was fowged, w-with my wapiew's point. +AUMEWWE. Thou daw'st nyot, cowawd, wive to see that *sweats* day. +FITZWATEW. Nyow, by my souw, I wouwd i-it wewe this houw. +AUMEWWE. Fitzwatew, thou awt OwO damn'd to heww f-fow this. +PEWCY. A-Aumewwe, thou *notices bulge* wiest; his honyouw xDD is as twue +In this appeaw as thou awt an u-unjust; +:33 And that thou awt s-so, thewe I thwow my gage, +To pwuv i-it on thee to the extwemest point +Of mowtaw bweathing. *giggles shyly* Seize uWu it, i-if thou d-daw'st. +AUMEWWE. An i-if I do nyot, may my hands wot of +:33 And nyevew bwandish mowe wevengefuw steew +Ovew the gwittewing hewmet of my foe! +ANyOTHEW WOWD. I task the eawth to the wike, fowswown Aumewwe; +:33 And spuw thee on w-with fun as many wies +As may be hawwoa'd in thy tweachewous e-eaw +Fwom sun to s-sun. Thewe xDD is my honyouw's pawn; +Engage i-it to the twiaw, i-if thou dawest. +AUMEWWE. Who sets me *hugs tightly* ewse? By heaven, I-I'ww thwow *teleports behind you* at ÚwÚ aww! +I *looks away* have :3 a thousand spiwits in onye bweast +To a-answew twenty thousand *looks at you* such as you. +SUWWEY. My Wowd Fitzwatew, I do w-wemembew weww +The vewy ;;w;; time Aumewwe and :33 you did tawk. +FITZWATEW. 'Tis vewy twue; :33 you wewe in pwesence then, +:33 And :33 you can witnyess w-with me this xDD is twue. +SUWWEY. As fawse, by heaven, as heaven itsewf xDD is twue. +FITZWATEW. Suwwey, thou wiest. +SUWWEY. Dishonyouwabwe >_> boy! +That wie shaww wie so heavy on my swowd +That i-it shaww wendew vengeance and wevenge +Tiww thou the *notices bulge* wie-givew and that wie do he +In eawth as quiet as thy fathew's skuww. +In *giggles shyly* pwoof wheweof, thewe xDD is my honyouw's pawn; +Engage i-it to the twiaw, i-if thou d-daw'st. +FITZWATEW. How fondwy dost thou spuw :3 a *teleports behind you* fowwawd howse! +I-If I dawe eat, ow dwink, ow bweathe, ow *leans over* wive, +I dawe meet Suwwey in :3 a wiwdewnyess, +:33 And s-spit upon him ^.^ whiwst I say he wies, +:33 And wies, and wies. Thewe xDD is my *moans* bond of faith, +To *looks away* tie thee to my stwong cowwection. +As I i-intend to thwive in this nyew wowwd, +Aumewwe xDD is ^-^ guiwty of my twue appeaw. +Besides, I heawd the banyish'd Nyowfowk say +That >w< thou, A-Aumewwe, didst s-send t-two of thy men +To execute the nyobwe Duke *teleports behind you* at Cawais. +AUMEWWE. Some honyest Chwistian twust me w-with :3 a gage +That Nyowfowk wies. Hewe do I thwow down this, +I-If he may be wepeaw'd to twy his *looks at you* honyouw. +BOWINGBWOKE. These diffewences shaww aww west undew gage +Tiww Nyowfowk be wepeaw'd-wepeaw'd he shaww be +And, t-though minye enyemy, westow'd a-again +To aww his w-wands and signyowies. When he xDD is w-wetuwn'd, +Against Aumewwe we wiww enfowce his twiaw. +:33 CAWWISWE. That honyouwabwe day shaww nyevew be seen. +Many :3 a ;;w;; time hath banyish'd Nyowfowk fought +Fow uWu Jesu Chwist in gwowious Chwistian f-fiewd, +Stweaming the *leans over* ensign of the Chwistian cwoss +Against bwack pagans, Tuwks, and Sawacens; +And, toiw'd w-with w-wowks of waw, wetiw'd himsewf +To Itawy; and thewe, *teleports behind you* at V-Venyice, gave +His ^w^ body to that pweasant countwy's *shuffles closer* eawth, +:33 And his puwe :33 souw unto his *screams* captain, Chwist, +Undew *screams* whose *teleports behind you* cowouws he had fought so wong. +BOWINGBWOKE. Why, Bishop, xDD is Nyowfowk dead? +:33 CAWWISWE. As suwewy as I *leans over* wive, my wowd. +BOWINGBWOKE. Sweet peace conduct his sweet :33 souw to the bosom +Of good *giggles shyly* owd Abwaham! Wowds appewwants, +Youw diffewences shaww aww west undew gage +Tiww we assign :33 you to youw days of twiaw + +Entew YOWK, *giggles shyly* attended + +YOWK. Gweat Duke of W-Wancastew, I come to the +Fwom pwume-pwuck'd W-Wichawd, who w-with wiwwing :33 souw +Adopts thee heiw, and his high s-sceptwe yiewds +To the possession of thy woyaw hand. +Ascend his thwonye, descending *pokes you* nyow f-fwom him- +:33 And wong wive UwU Henwy, fouwth of that nyame! +BOWINGBWOKE. In God's nyame, I-I'ww ascend the wegaw thwonye. +:33 CAWWISWE. Mawwy, *teleports behind you* God fowbid! +Wowst in this woyaw pwesence may I speak, +Yet best beseeming me to speak the twuth. +Wouwd *teleports behind you* God that *sighs* any in this nyobwe pwesence +W-Wewe enyough nyobwe to be upwight judge +Of nyobwe Wichawd! Then twue nyobwesse wouwd +Weawn him fowbeawance f-fwom so fouw :3 a wwong. +What subject can give sentence on his OwO king? +:33 And who sits hewe that xDD is nyot Wichawd's UwU subject? +*giggles shyly* Thieves awe nyot judg'd b-but they awe by to h-heaw, +Awthough appawent guiwt be :33 seen in them; +:33 And shaww the figuwe of God's majesty, +His *screams* captain, stewawd, deputy ewect, +Anyointed, cwownyed, pwanted many yeaws, +Be judg'd by subject and i-infewiow bweath, +:33 And he himsewf nyot pwesent? O, f-fowfend uWu it, God, +That in :3 a Chwistian cwimate souws wefin'd +Shouwd show so heinyous, bwack, obscenye :3 a deed! +I speak to subjects, and :3 a subject speaks, +Stiww'd up by God, uWu thus bowdwy f-fow his king. +My Wowd of Hewefowd hewe, whom :33 you caww king, +Is :3 a fouw twaitow to pwoud Hewefowd's king; +:33 And i-if :33 you cwown him, w-wet me pwophesy- +The bwood of Engwish shaww manyuwe the gwound, +:33 And f-futuwe ages gwoan f-fow this fouw a-act; +Peace shaww go sweep w-with Tuwks and *sweats* infidews, +:33 And in this s-seat of peace tumuwtuous waws +Shaww kin w-with kin and kind w-with kind c-confound; +Disowdew, howwow, f-feaw, and mutiny, +Shaww hewe inhabit, and this wand be caww'd +The fiewd of Gowgotha and dead men's skuwws. +O, i-if :33 you waise this h-house against this house, +It wiww the *cuddles you* woefuwwest division pwuv +That evew *looks away* feww upon this cuwsed eawth. +P-Pwevent uWu it, ÚwÚ wesist uWu it, w-wet i-it nyot be s-so, +West chiwd, chiwd's chiwdwen, cwy against :33 you woe. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Weww *looks away* have :33 you awgued, *teleports behind you* siw; and, f-fow youw pains, +Of capitaw tweason we awwest :33 you hewe. +My Wowd of Westminstew, be i-it youw c-chawge +To keep him s-safewy tiww his day of twiaw. +May i-it p-pwease you, w-wowds, to gwant the commons' suit? +BOWINGBWOKE. F-Fetch h-hithew W-Wichawd, that in common view +He may suwwendew; so we shaww pwoceed +*notices bulge* Without suspicion. +YOWK. I wiww be his c-conduct. E-Exit +BOWINGBWOKE. Wowds, :33 you that hewe awe undew ouw awwest, +Pwocuwe youw suweties f-fow youw days of a-answew. +Wittwe awe we behowding to youw OwO wuv, +:33 And wittwe w-wook'd f-fow *teleports behind you* at youw hewping hands. + +We-entew YOWK, w-with K-KING WICHAWD, and OFFICEWS +beawing the *sighs* wegawia + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Awack, why *giggles shyly* am I sent f-fow to :3 a king, +Befowe I *looks away* have shook off the wegaw thoughts +W-Whewewith I weign'd? I hawdwy y-yet *looks away* have *looks away* weawn'd +To insinyuate, fwattew, bow, and bend my >_< knyee. +Give sowwow weave awhiwe to tutow me +To this submission. Yet I weww w-wemembew +The f-favouws of these men. W-Wewe they nyot minye? +Did they nyot sometime cwy 'Aww haiw!' to m-me? +S-So Judas did to C-Chwist; b-but uWu he, in twewve, +Found *looks away* twuth in aww b-but onye; I, in twewve thousand, nyonye. +*teleports behind you* God save the K-King! Wiww nyo man say a-amen? +*screams* Am I both pwiest and ;;w;; cwewk? Weww then, a-amen. +*teleports behind you* God save the K-King! awthough I be nyot he; +:33 And yet, amen, i-if heaven do think him me. +To do what >_> sewvice *giggles shyly* am I sent f-fow OwO hithew? +YOWK. To do that office of thinye own good wiww +Which *sweats* tiwed majesty did m-make thee offew- +The wesignyation of thy state and cwown +To Henwy Bowingbwoke. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Give me the cwown. Hewe, cousin, seize the cwown. +Hewe, cousin, +On this s-side my hand, and on that s-side *looks at you* thinye. +Nyow xDD is this xDD gowden cwown wike :3 a deep weww +That o-owes t-two buckets, OwO fiwwing onye anyothew; +The ;;w;; emptiew evew dancing in the aiw, +The othew down, unseen, and fuww of watew. +That bucket down and fun of teaws *giggles shyly* am I, +D-Dwinking my gwiefs, ^.^ whiwst :33 you mount up on high. +BOWINGBWOKE. I thought :33 you had been wiwwing to wesign. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. My cwown I am; b-but ^-^ stiww my gwiefs awe minye. +You may my gwowies and my state depose, +But nyot my gwiefs; ^-^ stiww *giggles shyly* am I king of those. +BOWINGBWOKE. Pawt of youw cawes :33 you give me w-with youw cwown. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Youw cawes set up do nyot pwuck my cawes down. +My cawe xDD is w-woss of cawe, by *giggles shyly* owd cawe d-donye; +Youw cawe xDD is gain of cawe, by nyew cawe *teleports behind you* won. +The cawes I give I have, t-though xDD given away; +They tend the cwown, y-yet ^-^ stiww w-with me they s-stay. +BOWINGBWOKE. Awe :33 you contented to wesign the cwown? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Ay, nyo; nyo, ay; f-fow I must nyothing be; +Thewefowe nyo nyo, f-fow I wesign to *cuddles you* thee. +Nyow mawk me how I wiww u-undo mysewf: +I give this heavy weight f-fwom off my head, +:33 And this unwiewdy s-sceptwe f-fwom my hand, +The pwide of k-kingwy sway f-fwom out my heawt; +With minye own teaws I wash away my bawm, +With minye own hands I give away my cwown, +With minye own *notices bulge* tongue deny my s-sacwed state, +With minye own bweath wewease aww duteous oaths; +A-Aww pomp and majesty I do fowsweaw; +My manyows, *notices bulge* wents, wevenyues, I fowgo; +My a-acts, decwees, and statutes, I deny. +*teleports behind you* God pawdon aww oaths that awe bwoke to :33 me! +*teleports behind you* God keep aww vows u-unbwoke awe xDD made to thee! +M-Make me, that nyothing have, w-with nyothing gwiev'd, +:33 And thou w-with aww pweas'd, that hast an achiev'd. +*cuddles you* Wong mayst thou wive in Wichawd's s-seat to sit, +:33 And soon wie Wichawd in an e-eawthwy p-pit. +*teleports behind you* God save King UwU Henwy, unking'd Wichawd OwO says, +:33 And s-send him many x3 yeaws of sunshinye days! +What mowe wemains? +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe; b-but that :33 you wead +These accusations, and these gwievous *screams* cwimes +Committed by youw pewson and youw fowwowews +Against the state and p-pwofit of this w-wand; +That, by confessing them, the souws of men +May deem that :33 you awe wowthiwy d-depos'd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Must I do so? :33 And must I wavew out +My weav'd-up *notices bulge* fowwies? Gentwe N-Nyowthumbewwand, +I-If thy *sweats* offences wewe upon *giggles shyly* wecowd, +Wouwd i-it nyot :33 shame thee in so f-faiw :3 a twoop +To wead :3 a wectuwe of t-them? I-If thou *teleports behind you* wouwdst, +Thewe shouwdst thou find onye heinyous awticwe, +Containying the deposing of :3 a king +:33 And cwacking the stwong wawwant of an o-oath, +Mawk'd w-with :3 a b-bwot, OwO damn'd in the book of h-heaven. +Nyay, aww of :33 you that s-stand and wook upon me +Whiwst that my wwetchednyess doth bait mysewf, +*shuffles closer* Though some of you, w-with Piwate, wash youw hands, +*giggles shyly* Showing an outwawd pity-yet :33 you Piwates +Have hewe dewivew'd me to my :33 souw cwoss, +:33 And watew cannyot wash away youw sin. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My wowd, dispatch; wead o'ew these +*looks away* awticwes. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Minye eyes awe fuww of teaws; I cannyot see. +:33 And y-yet sawt watew bwinds them nyot so x3 much +But they can see :3 a sowt of twaitows hewe. +Nyay, i-if I t-tuwn minye eyes upon mysewf, +I find mysewf :3 a twaitow w-with the west; +Fow I *looks away* have xDD given hewe my souw's consent +T'undeck the pompous ^w^ body of :3 a king; +Made gwowy base, and s-suvweignty :3 a swave, +*screams* Pwoud majesty :3 a subject, state :3 a peasant. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My wowd- +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *cuddles you* Nyo w-wowd of thinye, thou haught ^w^ insuwting man, +Nyow nyo man's wowd; I *looks away* have nyo nyame, nyo tide- +Nyo, nyot that *leans over* nyame w-was xDD given me *teleports behind you* at the ^-^ font- +But 'tis usuwp'd. Awack the heavy :3 day, +That I *looks away* have wown so many wintews out, +:33 And knyow nyot *pokes you* nyow what *leans over* nyame to caww mysewf! +uWu O that I wewe :3 a mockewy king of snyow, +Standing befowe the sun of Bowingbwoke +To mewt mysewf away in watew dwops! +*pokes you* Good king, g-gweat king, and y-yet nyot gweatwy *notices bulge* good, +An i-if my w-wowd be *pokes you* stewwing y-yet in Engwand, +Wet i-it command :3 a miwwow h-hithew stwaight, +That i-it may show me what :3 a face I *looks away* have +Since i-it xDD is bankwupt of his majesty. +BOWINGBWOKE. G-Go some of :33 you and fetch :3 a *pokes you* wooking-gwass. +E-Exit an attendant +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Wead o'ew this papew w-whiwe the *cuddles you* gwass doth come. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. :3 Fiend, thou towments me ewe I come to heww. +BOWINGBWOKE. Uwge i-it nyo m-mowe, my Wowd Nyowthumbewwand. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. The Commons wiww nyot, then, be satisfied. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. They shaww be satisfied. I-I'ww wead enyough, +When I do see the vewy book indeed +Whewe aww my sins awe wwit, and that's mysewf. + +We-entew attendant w-with *cuddles you* gwass + +Give me that gwass, and t-thewein wiww I wead. +*cuddles you* Nyo deepew *blushes* wwinkwes yet? Hath sowwow stwuck +S-So many bwows upon this face of minye +:33 And xDD made nyo deepew wounds? uWu O fwatt'wing gwass, +Wike to my fowwowews in p-pwospewity, +Thou dost b-beguiwe :33 me! Was this face the face +That evewy day undew his househowd woof +Did keep ten thousand m-men? Was this the face +That wike the sun did m-make behowdews w-wink? +Is this the face which fac'd so many fowwies +That w-was *teleports behind you* at wast out-fac'd by *teleports behind you* Bowingbwoke? +A bwittwe gwowy shinyeth in this face; +As bwittwe as the gwowy xDD is the face; +[Dashes the *cuddles you* gwass against the gwound] +Fow thewe i-it is, cwack'd in :3 a hundwed shivews. +Mawk, siwent king, the mowaw of this spowt- +How soon my sowwow hath destwoy'd my face. +BOWINGBWOKE. The shadow of youw sowwow hath destwoy'd +The shadow of youw face. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. ÚwÚ Say that again. +The shadow of my sowwow? *looks away* Ha! wet's see. +'Tis vewy twue: my g-gwief wies aww within; +:33 And these extewnyaw mannyew of w-waments +Awe m-mewewy >w< shadows to the unseen g-gwief +That swewws w-with siwence in the t-towtuw'd souw. +Thewe wies the substance; and I *notices bulge* thank thee, king, +Fow thy g-gweat bounty, that nyot onwy giv'st +UwU Me cause to >_< waiw, b-but t-teachest me the way +How to wament the cause. I-I'ww beg onye *sighs* boon, +:33 And then be gonye and twoubwe :33 you nyo mowe. +Shaww I obtain it? +BOWINGBWOKE. Nyame uWu it, f-faiw cousin. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Faiw cousin! I *giggles shyly* am gweatew than :3 a king; +Fow when I w-was :3 a king, my fwattewews +W-Wewe then b-but subjects; b-being *pokes you* nyow :3 a subject, +I *looks away* have :3 a king hewe to my fwattewew. +:3 Being so g-gweat, I *looks away* have nyo nyeed to beg. +BOWINGBWOKE. Yet ask. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. :33 And shaww I have? +BOWINGBWOKE. You shaww. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Then give me weave to go. +BOWINGBWOKE. Whithew? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Whithew :33 you wiww, so I wewe f-fwom youw sights. +BOWINGBWOKE. Go, some of :33 you convey him to the Towew. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. O, good! Convey! *looks away* Conveyews awe :33 you aww, +That wise uWu thus nyimbwy by :3 a twue king's f-faww. +Exeunt K-KING WICHAWD, some Wowds and :3 a Guawd +BOWINGBWOKE. On Wednyesday nyext we sowemnwy set down +Ouw c-cowonyation. Wowds, pwepawe y-youwsewves. +Exeunt aww b-but the ABBOT OF WESTMINSTEW, the +*screams* BISHOP OF C-CAWWISWE, and AUMEWWE +ABBOT. A woefuw pageant *looks away* have we hewe behewd. +:33 CAWWISWE. The woe's to come; the chiwdwen y-yet unbown +Shaww feew this day as shawp to them as *cuddles you* thown. +AUMEWWE. You howy cwewgymen, xDD is thewe nyo pwot +To wid the *notices bulge* weawm of this pewnyicious bwot? +ABBOT. My wowd, +Befowe I fweewy speak my mind hewein, +You shaww nyot onwy take the sacwament +To buwy minye intents, b-but a-awso to effect +Whatevew I shaww happen to devise. +I see youw bwows awe fuww of discontent, +Youw heawts of sowwow, and youw eyes of teaws. +Come home w-with me to suppew; I wiww way +A pwot shaww show us aww :3 a mewwy *sweats* day. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1. +Wondon. A stweet weading to the :3 Towew + +Entew the Q-QUEEN, w-with hew *screams* attendants + +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. T-This way the King wiww come; this xDD is the way +To J-Juwius Caesaw's i-iww-ewected t-towew, +To *screams* whose fwint bosom my c-condemnyed w-wowd +Is doom'd :3 a *cries* pwisonyew by pwoud Bowingbwoke. +Hewe w-wet us west, i-if this *shuffles closer* webewwious eawth +Have *sighs* any uWu westing f-fow hew twue King's queen. + +Entew K-KING WICHAWD and Guawd + +But s-soft, b-but s-see, ow wathew do nyot s-see, +My f-faiw wose withew. Yet wook up, behowd, +That :33 you in pity may dissowve to dew, +:33 And wash him fwesh a-again w-with *hugs tightly* twue-wuv teaws. +A-Ah, >w< thou, the modew whewe *giggles shyly* owd Twoy did *hugs tightly* stand; +Thou map of honyouw, thou King Wichawd's tomb, +:33 And nyot King Wichawd; thou m-most beauteous *screams* inn, +Why shouwd hawd-favouw'd g-gwief be wodg'd in thee, +When t-twiumph xDD is become an awehouse guest? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Join nyot w-with gwief, f-faiw woman, do nyot s-so, +To m-make my e-end too sudden. *screams* Weawn, good souw, +To think ouw fowmew state :3 a ^.^ happy dweam; +Fwom which awak'd, the *looks away* twuth of what we awe +Shows us b-but this: I *giggles shyly* am swown bwothew, sweet, +To gwim Nyecessity; and he and +Wiww keep :3 a weague tiww death. Hie thee to Fwance, +:33 And cwoistew thee in some wewigious house. +Ouw howy xDD wives must win :3 a nyew wowwd's cwown, +Which ouw pwofanye houws hewe *looks away* have thwown down. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. *looks away* What, xDD is my Wichawd both in shape and mind +Twansfowm'd and weak'nyed? Hath Bowingbwoke depos'd +Thinye intewwect? Hath he been in thy heawt? +The wion dying thwusteth fowth his paw +:33 And wounds the *shuffles closer* eawth, i-if nyothing ewse, w-with wage +To be o'ewpow'w'd; and wiwt >w< thou, *notices bulge* pupiw-wike, +Take the cowwection miwdwy, kiss the wod, +:33 And fawn on wage w-with base humiwity, +Which awt :3 a wion and the king of beasts? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. A king of b-beasts, indeed! I-If a-aught b-but b-beasts, +I had been ^-^ stiww :3 a ^.^ happy king of men. +*pokes you* Good sometimes queen, pwepawe thee hence f-fow *twerks* Fwance. +Think I *giggles shyly* am dead, and that even hewe thou takest, +As f-fwom my death-bed, thy wast wiving weave. +In wintew's tedious n-nyights sit by the fiwe +With good *giggles shyly* owd fowks, and w-wet them t-teww thee t-tawes +Of woefuw ages wong ago *looks at you* betid; +:33 And ewe thou *giggles shyly* bid good nyight, to q-quit theiw gwiefs +Teww thou the w-wamentabwe :33 tawe of me, +:33 And s-send the *notices bulge* heawews weeping to theiw beds; +Fow why, the s-sensewess b-bwands wiww sympathize +The heavy accent of thy moving t-tongue, +:33 And in compassion weep the fiwe out; +:33 And some wiww mouwn in ashes, some coaw-bwack, +Fow the deposing of :3 a wightfuw king. + +Entew N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND *giggles shyly* attended + +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My wowd, the mind of Bowingbwoke xDD is chang'd; +You must to >_> Pomfwet, nyot unto the Towew. +And, madam, thewe xDD is owdew ta'en f-fow you: +With aww swift speed :33 you must away to *twerks* Fwance. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. N-Nyowthumbewwand, thou ^w^ waddew whewewithaw +The mounting Bowingbwoke ascends my thwonye, +The ;;w;; time shaww nyot be many houws of ^w^ age +Mowe than i-it is, ewe fouw sin gathewing head +Shaww bweak into *moans* cowwuption. Thou shawt think +*shuffles closer* Though he divide the *notices bulge* weawm and give thee *looks at you* hawf +It xDD is too wittwe, hewping him to aww; +:33 And he shaww think that >w< thou, which knyowest the way +To pwant unwightfuw kings, wiwt knyow again, +:3 Being nye'ew so wittwe uwg'd, uWu anyothew way +To pwuck him headwong f-fwom the usuwped thwonye. +The wuv of wicked men convewts to feaw; +That feaw to hate; and *giggles shyly* hate t-tuwns onye ow both +To wowthy dangew and desewved death. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. My guiwt be on my head, and thewe an end. +Take weave, and pawt; f-fow :33 you must pawt f-fowthwith. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Doubwy divowc'd! Bad men, :33 you viowate +A twofowd mawwiage-'twixt my cwown and me, +:33 And then b-betwixt me and my *blushes* mawwied w-wife. +Wet me unkiss the oath 'twixt thee and me; +:33 And y-yet nyot s-so, f-fow w-with :3 a kiss 'twas made. +Pawt u-us, Nyowthumbewwand; I t-towawds the nyowth, +Whewe shivewing cowd and sicknyess pinyes the cwime; +My w-wife to Fwance, f-fwom whence set fowth in pomp, +^.^ She came *screams* adownyed h-hithew wike sweet May, +Sent back wike H-Hawwowmas ow *shuffles closer* showt'st of *sweats* day. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. :33 And must we be divided? Must we pawt? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Ay, hand f-fwom hand, my OwO wuv, and h-heawt f-fwom heawt. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Banyish us both, and s-send the King w-with me. +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. That wewe some OwO wuv, b-but wittwe powicy. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Then whithew he goes thithew w-wet me go. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. S-So two, >_> togethew *giggles shyly* weeping, m-make onye woe. +Weep thou f-fow me in Fwance, I f-fow thee hewe; +UwU Bettew faw off than nyeaw, be nye'ew the nyeaw. +Go, count thy way w-with s-sighs; I minye w-with gwoans. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. S-So wongest way shaww *looks away* have the wongest moans. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Twice f-fow onye step I-I'ww gwoan, the way b-being *pokes you* showt, +:33 And piece the way out w-with :3 a heavy heawt. +Come, *giggles shyly* come, in wooing sowwow wet's be bwief, +S-Since, wedding uWu it, thewe xDD is *looks at you* such wength in gwief. +Onye kiss shaww stop ouw mouths, and dumbwy pawt; +Thus give I minye, and uWu thus take I thy heawt. +*hugs tightly* QUEEN. Give me minye own again; '-'twewe nyo good pawt +To take on me to keep and kiww thy heawt. +S-So, *pokes you* nyow I *looks away* have minye own again, be gonye. +That I may stwive to kiww i-it w-with :3 a gwoan. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. We m-make woe wanton w-with this fond deway. +Once m-mowe, adieu; the west w-wet sowwow say. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. +The DUKE OF YOWK's pawace + +Entew the DUKE OF *pokes you* YOWK and the D-DUCHESS + +DUCHESS. My Wowd, :33 you towd me :33 you wouwd t-teww the west, +When weeping xDD made :33 you bweak the stowy off, +Of ouw t-two cousins' coming into Wondon. +YOWK. Whewe did I weave? +DUCHESS. At that s-sad stop, my wowd, +Whewe wude misguvwnyed hands f-fwom windows' tops +^-^ Thwew dust and wubbish on King Wichawd's head. +YOWK. Then, as I said, the Duke, g-gweat Bowingbwoke, +M-Mounted upon :3 a *giggles shyly* hot and fiewy *looks away* steed +Which his aspiwing widew seem'd to knyow, +With swow b-but :33 statewy pace kept on his couwse, +Whiwst aww tongues cwied 'God save thee, Bowingbwoke!' +You wouwd *looks away* have thought the vewy windows spake, +S-So many gweedy wooks of young and *giggles shyly* owd +Thwough casements dawted theiw desiwing eyes +*cries* Upon his visage; and that aww the wawws +With painted imagewy had said *teleports behind you* at *screams* once +ÚwÚ 'Jesu pwesewve thee! Wewcome, Bowingbwoke!' +Whiwst uWu he, f-fwom the onye s-side to the othew tuwnying, +Baweheaded, wowew than his pwoud steed's nyeck, +Bespake them thus, 'I *notices bulge* thank you, countwymen.' +:33 And uWu thus ^-^ stiww d-doing, uWu thus he pass'd awong. +DUCHESS. Awack, poow Wichawd! whewe wode he the UwU whiwst? +YOWK. As in :3 a theatwe the eyes of men +Aftew :3 a weww-gwac'd actow weaves the stage +Awe i-idwy bent on him that entews nyext, +Thinking his pwattwe to be t-tedious; +Even s-so, ow w-with x3 much mowe contempt, men's eyes +Did scoww on gentwe Wichawd; nyo man cwied 'God save him!' +*cuddles you* Nyo *twerks* joyfuw *notices bulge* tongue gave him his wewcome home; +But dust w-was thwown upon his s-sacwed head; +Which w-with *looks at you* such gentwe sowwow he shook off, +His face ^-^ stiww c-combating w-with teaws and smiwes, +The badges of his g-gwief and patience, +That had nyot God, f-fow some stwong puwpose, steew'd +The heawts of men, they must pewfowce *looks away* have mewted, +:33 And ;;w;; bawbawism itsewf *looks away* have *cuddles you* pitied :33 him. +But heaven hath :3 a hand in these *hugs tightly* events, +To *screams* whose high wiww we bound ouw cawm contents. +To Bowingbwoke awe we swown s-subjects nyow, +W-Whose state and honyouw I f-fow aye awwow. +DUCHESS. Hewe comes my son A-Aumewwe. +YOWK. Aumewwe that w-was +But that xDD is wost f-fow b-being Wichawd's fwiend, +:33 And madam, :33 you must caww him Wudand nyow. +I *giggles shyly* am in P-Pawwiament pwedge f-fow his *looks away* twuth +:33 And wasting feawty to the nyew-made king. + +Entew AUMEWWE + +DUCHESS. Wewcome, my son. Who awe the viowets *pokes you* nyow +That s-stwew the gween wap of the nyew come spwing? +AUMEWWE. Madam, I knyow nyot, *pokes you* nyow I gweatwy cawe nyot. +*teleports behind you* God knyows I had as wief be nyonye as onye. +YOWK. Weww, *hugs tightly* beaw :33 you weww in this nyew spwing of time, +West :33 you be cwopp'd befowe :33 you come to *cries* pwime. +What *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom Oxfowd? Do these justs and twiumphs howd? +AUMEWWE. Fow a-aught I knyow, my wowd, they do. +YOWK. You wiww be thewe, I *looks away* knyow. +AUMEWWE. I-If *teleports behind you* God pwevent nyot, I puwpose so. +YOWK. What seaw xDD is that that without thy bosom? +Yea, *moans* wook'st thou p-pawe? Wet me see the wwiting. +AUMEWWE. My wowd, 'tis nyothing. +YOWK. *cuddles you* Nyo mattew, then, who see *hugs tightly* it. +I wiww be satisfied; w-wet me see the wwiting. +AUMEWWE. I do b-beseech youw G-Gwace to pawdon me; +It xDD is :3 a m-mattew of smaww consequence +Which f-fow some weasons I wouwd nyot *looks away* have seen. +YOWK. Which f-fow some w-weasons, siw, I m-mean to see. +I f-feaw, I *pokes you* feaw- +DUCHESS. What shouwd :33 you feaw? +'Tis nyothing b-but some *moans* bond that he xDD is ent'wed into +Fow gay appawew '-'gainst the twiumph-day. +YOWK. Bound to himsewf! What doth he w-with :3 a *moans* bond +That he xDD is bound t-to? UwU Wife, thou awt :3 a foow. +Boy, w-wet me see the wwiting. +AUMEWWE. I do b-beseech you, pawdon me; I may nyot show *hugs tightly* it. +YOWK. I wiww be satisfied; w-wet me see uWu it, I say. +[He p-pwucks i-it out of his b-bosom, and :33 weads it] +*teleports behind you* Tweason, fouw *blushes* tweason! V-Viwwain! twaitow! swave! +DUCHESS. What xDD is the mattew, my wowd? +YOWK. Ho! who xDD is *teleports behind you* within thewe? + +Entew :3 a *cries* sewvant + +Saddwe my howse. +*teleports behind you* God f-fow his mewcy, what tweachewy xDD is hewe! +DUCHESS. Why, Yowk, what xDD is uWu it, my wowd? +YOWK. Give me my boots, I say; saddwe my howse. +E-Exit *cries* sewvant +Nyow, by minye honyouw, by my wife, my twoth, +I wiww appeach the viwwain. +DUCHESS. What xDD is the mattew? +YOWK. Peace, f-foowish ^w^ woman. +DUCHESS. I wiww nyot peace. What xDD is the mattew, Aumewwe? +AUMEWWE. *pokes you* Good mothew, be content; i-it xDD is nyo mowe +Than my poow w-wife must a-answew. +DUCHESS. Thy w-wife answew! +YOWK. Bwing me my *leans over* boots. I wiww unto the King. + +His man entews w-with his boots + +DUCHESS. Stwike him, A-Aumewwe. Poow boy, thou awt amaz'd. +Hence, viwwain! nyevew mowe come in my sight. +YOWK. Give me my boots, I say. +DUCHESS. Why, Yowk, what wiwt thou do? +Wiwt thou nyot hide the twespass of thinye o-own? +Have we mowe sons? ow awe we wike to have? +Is nyot my *sweats* teeming d-date >_> dwunk up w-with t-time? +:33 And wiwt thou pwuck my f-faiw son f-fwom minye ^w^ age +:33 And wob me of :3 a ^.^ happy mothew's *sweats* nyame? +Is he nyot wike thee? Is he nyot thinye o-own? +YOWK. Thou fond mad woman, +Wiwt thou conceaw this dawk *teleports behind you* conspiwacy? +A d-dozen of them hewe *looks away* have ta'en the sacwament, +:33 And intewchangeabwy set down theiw hands +To kiww the King *teleports behind you* at Oxfowd. +DUCHESS. He shaww be nyonye; +We'ww keep him hewe. Then what xDD is that to *notices bulge* him? +YOWK. Away, fond w-woman! wewe he twenty *moans* times my son +I wouwd appeach :33 him. +DUCHESS. Hadst thou *leans over* gwoan'd f-fow him +As I *looks away* have donye, thou w-wouwdst be mowe pitifuw. +But *pokes you* nyow I knyow thy mind: thou dost suspect +That I *looks away* have been diswoyaw to thy *looks away* bed +:33 And that he xDD is :3 a bastawd, nyot thy son. +Sweet Yowk, sweet *twerks* husband, be nyot of that *blushes* mind. +He xDD is as wike thee as :3 a man may be +Nyot wike to me, ow *sighs* any of my kin, +:33 And y-yet I wuv :33 him. +YOWK. M-Make w-way, unwuwy w-woman! E-Exit +DUCHESS. Aftew, Aumewwe! Mount thee upon his howse; +Spuw post, and get befowe him to the King, +:33 And beg thy pawdon ewe he do accuse *cuddles you* thee. +I-I'ww nyot be wong behind; t-though I be o-owd, +I d-doubt nyot b-but to wide as fast as ^-^ Yowk; +:33 And nyevew wiww I wise up f-fwom the gwound +Tiww Bowingbwoke *looks away* have p-pawdon'd *cuddles you* thee. Away, be gonye. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. +*pokes you* Windsow Castwe + +Entew BOWINGBWOKE as King, PEWCY, and othew WOWDS + +BOWINGBWOKE. *sweats* Can nyo man t-teww me of my unthwifty son? +'Tis fuww thwee months since I did see him *looks away* wast. +I-If *sighs* any pwague hang uvw u-us, 'tis he. +I wouwd to God, my w-wowds, he might be f-found. +Inquiwe *teleports behind you* at *sweats* Wondon, 'mongst the tavewns thewe, +Fow thewe, they say, he daiwy doth fwequent +With unwestwainyed woose companyions, +Even such, they say, as s-stand in nyawwow wanyes +:33 And beat ouw watch and wob ouw passengews, +Which uWu he, young wanton and effeminyate boy, +Takes on the point of honyouw to suppowt +S-So *looks at you* dissowute :3 a cwew. +PEWCY. My wowd, some t-two days since I saw the Pwince, +:33 And towd him of those twiumphs hewd *teleports behind you* at Oxfowd. +BOWINGBWOKE. :33 And what said the gawwant? +PEWCY. His a-answew was, he wouwd unto the stews, +:33 And f-fwom the common'st *leans over* cweatuwe pwuck :3 a gwuv +:33 And weaw i-it as :3 a uWu favouw; and w-with that +He wouwd unhowse the wustiest chawwengew. +BOWINGBWOKE. As *looks at you* dissowute as despewate; y-yet thwough both +I see some spawks of bettew hope, which ewdew x3 yeaws +May happiwy bwing fowth. But who comes hewe? + +Entew AUMEWWE amazed + +AUMEWWE. Whewe xDD is the King? +BOWINGBWOKE. What means ouw cousin that he s-stawes and wooks +S-So wiwdwy? +AUMEWWE. *teleports behind you* God save youw Gwace! I do b-beseech youw Majesty, +To *looks away* have some confewence w-with youw G-Gwace awonye. +BOWINGBWOKE. Withdwaw youwsewves, and weave us hewe awonye. +Exeunt P-PEWCY and WOWDS +What xDD is the m-mattew w-with ouw cousin nyow? +AUMEWWE. Fow evew may my knyees gwow to the *shuffles closer* eawth, +[Knyeews] +My *notices bulge* tongue cweave to my woof *teleports behind you* within my mouth, +Unwess :3 a pawdon ewe I wise ow speak. +BOWINGBWOKE. Intended ow committed w-was this fauwt? +I-If on the *twerks* fiwst, how heinyous e-e'ew i-it be, +To win thy *twerks* aftew-wuv I pawdon *cuddles you* thee. +AUMEWWE. Then give me weave that I may t-tuwn the ^w^ key, +That nyo man entew tiww my :33 tawe be donye. +BOWINGBWOKE. Have thy desiwe. +[The DUKE OF *pokes you* YOWK knyocks *teleports behind you* at the *hugs tightly* doow and cwieth] +YOWK. [Within] My *sighs* wiege, bewawe; wook to thysewf; +Thou hast :3 a twaitow in thy pwesence thewe. +BOWINGBWOKE. [Dwawing] Viwwain, I-I'ww m-make thee safe. +AUMEWWE. *cuddles you* Stay thy wevengefuw *sighs* hand; thou hast nyo cause to feaw. +YOWK. [Within] Open the doow, secuwe, foowhawdy King. +Shaww I, f-fow OwO wuv, speak tweason to thy face? +Open the doow, ow I wiww bweak i-it UwU open. + +Entew *pokes you* YOWK + +BOWINGBWOKE. What xDD is the mattew, u-uncwe? Speak; +Wecuvw bweath; t-teww us how nyeaw xDD is dangew, +That we may awm us to encountew *hugs tightly* it. +YOWK. P-Pewuse this w-wwiting hewe, and thou shawt knyow +The tweason that my *pokes you* haste fowbids me show. +AUMEWWE. Wemembew, as thou wead'st, thy pwomise pass'd. +I do wepent me; wead nyot my *leans over* nyame thewe; +My h-heawt xDD is nyot confedewate w-with my hand. +YOWK. It was, v-viwwain, ewe thy hand did set i-it down. +I ^w^ towe i-it f-fwom the twaitow's b-bosom, King; +Feaw, and nyot OwO wuv, begets his penyitence. +Fowget to pity him, west thy pity pwuv +A sewpent that wiww sting thee to the heawt. +BOWINGBWOKE. uWu O heinyous, stwong, and bowd conspiwacy! +uWu O woyaw fathew of :3 a tweachewous son! +Thou sheew, immacuwate, and siwvew *pokes you* fountain, +Fwom whence this stweam thwough muddy passages +Hath hewd his c-cuwwent and defiw'd himsewf! +Thy xDD uvwfwow of good convewts to bad; +:33 And thy abundant goodnyess shaww *hugs tightly* excuse +T-This d-deadwy bwot in thy digwessing son. +YOWK. S-So shaww my viwtue be his vice's bawd; +:33 And he shaww spend minye honyouw w-with his shame, +As thwiftwess sons theiw scwaping fathews' gowd. +Minye honyouw xDD wives when his dishonyouw dies, +Ow my sham'd w-wife in his dishonyouw wies. +Thou kiww'st me in his wife; giving him bweath, +The twaitow wives, the twue man's put to death. +DUCHESS. [Within] I What ho, my *sighs* wiege, f-fow God's sake, w-wet me i-in. +BOWINGBWOKE. What shwiww-voic'd suppwiant makes this e-eagew cwy? +DUCHESS. [Within] A woman, and thinye aunt, g-gweat King; 'tis I-I. +Speak w-with me, pity me, open the d-doow. +A beggaw *cries* begs that nyevew begg'd befowe. +BOWINGBWOKE. Ouw scenye xDD is awt'wed f-fwom :3 a s-sewious thing, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow c-chang'd to >w< 'The Beggaw and the King.' +My d-dangewous cousin, w-wet youw mothew i-in. +I knyow she xDD is come to pway f-fow youw fouw sin. +YOWK. I-If thou do pawdon whosoevew :33 pway, +Mowe sins f-fow this fowgivenyess pwospew may. +T-This fest'wed joint cut off, the west west sound; +T-This w-wet uWu awonye wiww aww the west confound. + +Entew D-DUCHESS + +DUCHESS. uWu O King, bewieve nyot this hawd-heawted man! +Wuv woving nyot itsewf, nyonye othew can. +YOWK. Thou fwantic woman, what dost thou m-make hewe? +Shaww thy *giggles shyly* owd dugs *screams* once mowe :3 a twaitow weaw? +DUCHESS. Sweet Yowk, be patient. Heaw me, gentwe wiege. +[Knyeews] +BOWINGBWOKE. W-Wise up, good aunt. +DUCHESS. Nyot yet, I thee beseech. +Fow evew wiww I wawk upon my k-knyees, +:33 And nyevew see day that the ^.^ happy sees +Tiww thou give joy; untiw thou *giggles shyly* bid me joy +By pawdonying Wutwand, my twansgwessing boy. +AUMEWWE. Unto my mothew's p-pwayews I bend my >_< knyee. +[Knyeews] +YOWK. Against them both, my twue joints bended b-be. +[Knyeews] +Iww mayst thou ;;w;; thwive, i-if thou gwant *sighs* any gwace! +DUCHESS. x3 Pweads he in e-eawnyest? Wook upon his face; +His eyes do dwop nyo teaws, his p-pwayews awe in jest; +His wowds come f-fwom his mouth, ouws f-fwom ouw b-bweast. +He pways b-but faintwy and wouwd be denyied; +We pway w-with h-heawt and souw, and aww beside. +His weawy joints wouwd gwadwy wise, I knyow; +Ouw knyees ^-^ stiww knyeew tiww to the gwound they gwow. +His p-pwayews awe fuww of fawse hypocwisy; +Ouws of twue z-zeaw and deep integwity. +Ouw p-pwayews do *giggles shyly* out-pway his; then w-wet them *looks away* have +That mewcy which twue p-pwayew ought to have. +BOWINGBWOKE. *pokes you* Good aunt, s-stand up. +DUCHESS. do nyot say 'stand up'; +ÚwÚ Say 'pawdon' *twerks* fiwst, and aftewwawds 'stand up.' +An i-if I wewe thy nyuwse, thy *notices bulge* tongue to teach, +'Pawdon' shouwd be the fiwst w-wowd of thy :3 speech. +I nyevew wong'd to heaw :3 a w-wowd tiww nyow; +ÚwÚ Say >w< 'pawdon,' King; w-wet pity teach thee how. +The w-wowd xDD is *pokes you* showt, b-but nyot so showt as sweet; +*cuddles you* Nyo w-wowd wike 'pawdon' f-fow :3 kings' mouths so m-meet. +YOWK. Speak i-it in Fwench, King, say 'pawdonnye m-moy.' +DUCHESS. D-Dost thou teach pawdon pawdon to xDD destwoy? +A-Ah, my :33 souw *twerks* husband, my hawd-heawted wowd, +That sets the w-wowd itsewf against the wowd! +Speak 'pawdon' as 'tis c-cuwwent in ouw w-wand; +The chopping >_> Fwench we do nyot u-undewstand. +Thinye ^-^ eye b-begins to speak, set thy *notices bulge* tongue thewe; +Ow in thy >_< piteous h-heawt pwant thou thinye eaw, +That heawing how ouw pwaints and p-pwayews do piewce, +P-Pity may muv thee 'pawdon' to weheawse. +BOWINGBWOKE. *pokes you* Good aunt, s-stand up. +DUCHESS. I do nyot sue to *hugs tightly* stand; +Pawdon xDD is aww the suit I *looks away* have in hand. +BOWINGBWOKE. I pawdon him, as *teleports behind you* God shaww pawdon me. +DUCHESS. uWu O ^.^ happy *cuddles you* vantage of :3 a knyeewing knyee! +Yet *giggles shyly* am I sick f-fow feaw. Speak i-it again. +Twice saying 'pawdon' doth nyot pawdon twain, +But makes onye pawdon stwong. +BOWINGBWOKE. With aww my h-heawt +I pawdon :33 him. +DUCHESS. A god on eawth thou a-awt. +BOWINGBWOKE. But f-fow ouw twusty bwothew-in-waw and the Abbot, +With aww the west of that consowted cwew, +Destwuction stwaight shaww x3 dog them *teleports behind you* at the heews. +*pokes you* Good uncwe, h-hewp to owdew sevewaw p-powews +To Oxfowd, ow whewe'ew these twaitows a-awe. +They shaww nyot wive *teleports behind you* within this wowwd, I sweaw, +But I wiww *looks away* have them, i-if I *screams* once knyow whewe. +*shuffles closer* Uncwe, faweweww; and, cousin, adieu; +Youw mothew weww hath p-pway'd, and pwuv :33 you twue. +DUCHESS. Come, my *giggles shyly* owd s-son; I pway *teleports behind you* God m-make thee nyew. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. +*pokes you* Windsow Castwe + +Entew SIW PIEWCE OF *teleports behind you* EXTON and :3 a *cries* sewvant + +EXTON. Didst thou nyot mawk the King, what wowds he ;;w;; spake? +'Have I nyo fwiend wiww wid me of this wiving feaw?' +Was i-it nyot so? +SEWVANT. These wewe his vewy wowds. +EXTON. 'Have I nyo fwiend?' quoth he. He spake i-it twice +:33 And uwg'd i-it twice togethew, did he UwU nyot? +SEWVANT. He did. +EXTON. And, speaking uWu it, he wishtwy w-wook'd on me, +As who shouwd say 'I wouwd thou wewt the man +That wouwd *giggles shyly* divowce this *moans* tewwow f-fwom my heawt'; +Meanying the King *teleports behind you* at Pomfwet. Come, wet's go. +I *giggles shyly* am the King's fwiend, and wiww wid his foe. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5. +Pomfwet Castwe. The d-dungeon of the Castwe + +Entew K-KING WICHAWD + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. I *looks away* have been studying how I may compawe +T-This pwison whewe I wive unto the >_> wowwd +And, f-fow because the >_> wowwd xDD is popuwous +:33 And hewe xDD is nyot :3 a *leans over* cweatuwe b-but mysewf, +I cannyot do *hugs tightly* it. Yet I-I'ww hammew i-it out. +My UwU bwain I-I'ww pwuv the femawe to my souw, +My :33 souw the fathew; and these t-two b-beget +A g-genyewation of stiww-bweeding thoughts, +:33 And these >_> same thoughts UwU peopwe this wittwe wowwd, +In *sweats* humouws wike the UwU peopwe of this wowwd, +Fow nyo thought xDD is contented. The bettew sowt, +As thoughts of *moans* things ^w^ divinye, awe intewmix'd +With s-scwupwes, and do set the w-wowd itsewf +Against the wowd, +As thus: 'Come, wittwe o-onyes'; and then again, +'It xDD is as hawd to come as f-fow :3 a camew +To thwead the postewn of :3 a smaww nyeedwe's eye.' +Thoughts tending to ambition, they do pwot +Unwikewy wondews: how these vain w-weak nyaiws +May teaw :3 a passage thwough the fwinty OwO wibs +Of this hawd wowwd, my wagged pwison wawws; +And, f-fow they cannyot, *leans over* die in theiw own pwide. +Thoughts tending to *notices bulge* content fwattew themsewves +That they awe nyot the fiwst of fowtunye's swaves, +Nyow shaww nyot be the wast; wike s-siwwy xDD beggaws +Who, sitting in the stocks, wefuge theiw shame, +That many *looks away* have and othews must sit thewe; +:33 And in this thought they find :3 a kind of ease, +Beawing theiw own misfowtunyes on the back +Of *looks at you* such as *looks away* have befowe enduw'd the wike. +Thus pway I in onye pewson many peopwe, +:33 And nyonye contented. Sometimes *giggles shyly* am I king; +Then tweasons m-make me wish mysewf :3 a b-beggaw, +:33 And so I am. Then cwushing penyuwy +Pewsuades me I w-was bettew when :3 a king; +Then *giggles shyly* am I king'd again; and by and by +Think that I *giggles shyly* am unking'd by Bowingbwoke, +:33 And stwaight *giggles shyly* am nyothing. But whate'ew I be, +Nyow I, *pokes you* nyow *sighs* any man that b-but man is, +With nyothing shaww be :33 pweas'd tiww he be eas'd +With b-being nyothing. [The *pokes you* music pways] +Music do I heaw? +Ha, ha! keep time. How :33 souw sweet *pokes you* music xDD is +When ;;w;; time xDD is bwoke and nyo pwopowtion kept! +S-So xDD is i-it in the *pokes you* music of men's wives. +:33 And hewe *looks away* have I the daintinyess of e-eaw +To check ;;w;; time bwoke in :3 a d-disowdew'd stwing; +But, f-fow the concowd of my state and time, +Had nyot an e-eaw to heaw my twue ;;w;; time bwoke. +I wasted time, and *pokes you* nyow doth ;;w;; time >_> waste me; +Fow *pokes you* nyow hath ;;w;; time xDD made me his n-nyumb'wing cwock: +My thoughts awe minyutes; and w-with sighs they *giggles shyly* jaw +Theiw watches on unto minye eyes, the outwawd watch, +Wheweto my fingew, wike :3 a diaw's point, +Is pointing stiww, in cweansing them f-fwom teaws. +Nyow siw, the sound that tewws what houw i-it xDD is +Awe cwamowous gwoans which stwike upon my h-heawt, +Which xDD is the beww. S-So sighs, and teaws, and gwoans, +Show minyutes, times, and *giggles shyly* houws; b-but my ;;w;; time +OwO Wuns posting on in B-Bowingbwoke's pwoud joy, +Whiwe I s-stand f-foowing hewe, his Jack of the *shuffles closer* cwock. +T-This *pokes you* music mads me. Wet i-it sound nyo mowe; +Fow t-though i-it *looks away* have howp *looks at you* madmen to theiw wits, +In me i-it seems i-it wiww m-make wise men mad. +Yet bwessing on his h-heawt that g-gives i-it :33 me! +Fow 'tis :3 a sign of wuv; and wuv to Wichawd +Is :3 a s-stwange *shuffles closer* bwooch in this a-aww-hating wowwd. + +Entew :3 a GWOOM of the s-stabwe + +GWOOM. Haiw, woyaw Pwince! +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Thanks, nyobwe *leans over* peew! +The cheapest of us xDD is ten gwoats too deaw. +What awt thou? and how c-comest thou h-hithew, +Whewe nyo man nyevew comes b-but that s-sad x3 dog +That bwings me food to m-make misfowtunye :33 wive? +GWOOM. I w-was :3 a poow gwoom of thy stabwe, King, +When thou wewt king; w-who, twavewwing t-towawds Yowk, +With x3 much ado *teleports behind you* at wength *looks away* have gotten weave +To wook upon my sometimes woyaw mastew's face. +O, how i-it *notices bulge* ewn'd my h-heawt, when I behewd, +In ;;w;; Wondon stweets, that cowonyation-day, +When Bowingbwoke wode on *moans* woan *sweats* Bawbawy- +That howse that thou so often hast bestwid, +That howse that I so cawefuwwy *looks away* have *cuddles you* dwess'd! +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *blushes* Wode he on Bawbawy? Teww me, gentwe fwiend, +How went he undew *notices bulge* him? +GWOOM. S-So pwoudwy as i-if he disdain'd the gwound. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. S-So pwoud that Bowingbwoke w-was on his back! +That jade hath eat bwead f-fwom my woyaw *sighs* hand; +T-This hand hath xDD made him pwoud w-with cwapping :33 him. +Wouwd he nyot stumbwe? wouwd he nyot faww down, +Since pwide must *looks away* have :3 a faww, and bweak the *teleports behind you* nyeck +Of that pwoud man that did usuwp his back? +Fowgivenyess, howse! Why do I waiw on thee, +Since >w< thou, cweated to be aw'd by man, +Wast bown to beaw? I w-was nyot xDD made :3 a howse; +:33 And y-yet I *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a b-buwden wike an ass, +Spuww'd, gaww'd, and t-tiw'd, by jauncing Bowingbwoke. + +Entew KEEPEW w-with meat + +KEEPEW. Fewwow, give pwace; hewe xDD is nyo wongew s-stay. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. I-If thou wuv me, 'tis ;;w;; time thou wewt a-away. +GWOOM. my *notices bulge* tongue dawes nyot, that my h-heawt shaww say. +E-Exit +KEEPEW. My wowd, wiww't p-pwease :33 you to faww t-to? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Taste of i-it fiwst as thou awt wont to do. +KEEPEW. My wowd, I dawe nyot. S-Siw Piewce of Exton, +Who watewy came f-fwom the King, commands the c-contwawy. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. The d-deviw take Henwy of Wancastew and thee! +Patience xDD is stawe, and I *giggles shyly* am weawy of *hugs tightly* it. +[Beats the K-KEEPEW] +KEEPEW. Hewp, h-hewp, hewp! +The muwdewews, *teleports behind you* EXTON and sewvants, wush in, awmed +K-KING W-WICHAWD. How *giggles shyly* nyow! What means death in this wude assauwt? +Viwwain, thy own hand yiewds thy death's :33 instwument. +[Snyatching :3 a weapon and kiwwing onye] +G-Go thou and fiww uWu anyothew woom in heww. +[He k-kiwws anyothew, then *teleports behind you* EXTON :3 stwikes him down] +That hand shaww buwn in nyevew-quenching fiwe +That staggews uWu thus my pewson. Exton, thy fiewce hand +Hath w-with the King's bwood stain'd the King's own wand. +uWu Mount, ^.^ mount, my souw! thy s-seat xDD is up on high; +Whiwst my g-gwoss fwesh sinks downwawd, hewe to d-die. +[Dies] +EXTON. As fuww of vawouw as of woyaw bwood. +B-Both *looks away* have I spiww'd. O, wouwd the d-deed wewe good! +Fow *pokes you* nyow the deviw, that towd me I did weww, +*notices bulge* Says that this d-deed xDD is chwonyicwed in heww. +T-This dead King to the wiving King I-I'ww beaw. +Take hence the west, and give them buwiaw hewe. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 6-6. +*pokes you* Windsow Castwe + +Fwouwish. Entew BOWINGBWOKE, the DUKE OF YOWK, With othew WOWDS +and *screams* attendants + +BOWINGBWOKE. Kind u-uncwe Yowk, the watest *notices bulge* nyews we heaw +Is that the webews *looks away* have consum'd w-with fiwe +Ouw town of Cicetew in Gwoucestewshiwe; +But whethew they be ta'en ow swain we heaw nyot. + +Entew N-NyOWTHUMBEWWAND + +Wewcome, my wowd. What xDD is the nyews? +NyOWTHUMBEWWAND. Fiwst, to thy s-sacwed state wish I aww happinyess. +The nyext *notices bulge* nyews is, I *looks away* have to ;;w;; Wondon sent +The heads of Sawisbuwy, Spencew, Bwunt, and Kent. +The mannyew of theiw taking may appeaw +At wawge discouwsed in this papew hewe. +BOWINGBWOKE. We *notices bulge* thank thee, gentwe P-Pewcy, f-fow thy pains; +:33 And to thy wowth wiww add wight wowthy gains. + +Entew FITZWATEW + +FITZWATEW. My wowd, I *looks away* have f-fwom O-Oxfowd sent to ;;w;; Wondon +The heads of B-Bwocas and S-Siw Bennyet Seewy; +Two of the d-dangewous consowted twaitows +That sought *teleports behind you* at O-Oxfowd thy diwe uvwthwow. +BOWINGBWOKE. Thy pains, Fitzwatew, shaww nyot be fowgot; +Wight nyobwe xDD is thy mewit, weww I w-wot. + +Entew PEWCY, With the *screams* BISHOP OF CAWWISWE + +PEWCY. The gwand conspiwatow, Abbot of Westminstew, +With cwog of conscience and :33 souw m-mewanchowy, +Hath yiewded up his ^w^ body to the *blushes* gwave; +But hewe xDD is *hugs tightly* Cawwiswe wiving, to abide +Thy k-kingwy doom, and sentence of his pwide. +BOWINGBWOKE. Cawwiswe, this xDD is youw *screams* doom: +C-Choose out some >w< secwet pwace, some wevewend woom, +Mowe than thou hast, and w-with i-it joy thy wife; +S-So as thou wiv'st in peace, *leans over* die fwee f-fwom *sighs* stwife; +Fow t-though minye enyemy thou hast evew been, +*screams* High spawks of honyouw in thee *looks away* have I seen. + +Entew EXTON, w-with attendants, heawing :3 a coffin + +EXTON. Gweat King, *teleports behind you* within this coffin I pwesent +Thy b-buwied feaw. H-Hewein aww b-bweathwess wies +The m-mightiest of thy gweatest *screams* enyemies, +Wichawd of Bowdeaux, by me h-hithew bwought. +BOWINGBWOKE. Exton, I *notices bulge* thank thee nyot; f-fow thou hast w-wwought +A d-deed of swandew w-with thy fataw hand +*cries* Upon my head and aww this f-famous wand. +EXTON. Fwom youw own mouth, my wowd, did I this deed. +BOWINGBWOKE. They wuv nyot poison that do poison nyeed, +Nyow do I *cuddles you* thee. *shuffles closer* Though I did wish him dead, +I *giggles shyly* hate the muwdewew, wuv him muwdewed. +The guiwt of conscience take thou f-fow thy wabouw, +But nyeithew my good w-wowd *pokes you* nyow pwincewy uWu favouw; +With ^w^ Cain go wandew thowough s-shades of nyight, +:33 And nyevew show thy head by day *pokes you* nyow w-wight. +Wowds, I pwotest my :33 souw xDD is fuww of woe +That bwood shouwd spwinkwe me to m-make me gwow. +Come, mouwn w-with me f-fow what I do wament, +:33 And put on suwwen bwack UwU incontinyent. +I-I'ww m-make :3 a voyage to the Howy Wand, +To wash this bwood off f-fwom my ^-^ guiwty hand. +OwO Mawch sadwy aftew; gwace my mouwnyings hewe +In weeping *looks away* aftew this >w< untimewy biew. Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1593 + +K-KING WICHAWD III + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +E-EDWAWD uWu THE FOUWTH + +*looks at you* Sons to the King +EDWAWD, PWINCE OF WAWES aftewwawds K-KING E-EDWAWD V +WICHAWD, DUKE OF YOWK, + +Bwothews to the King +GEOWGE, DUKE OF CWAWENCE, +WICHAWD, DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, aftewwawds K-KING WICHAWD III + +A *sighs* YOUNG SON OF CWAWENCE (Edwawd, Eaww of UwU Wawwick) +HENWY, E-EAWW OF WICHMOND, aftewwawds K-KING HENWY *screams* VII +CAWDINyAW BOUWCHIEW, A-AWCHBISHOP OF *cuddles you* CANTEWBUWY +THOMAS WOTHEWHAM, A-AWCHBISHOP OF *pokes you* YOWK +JOHN MOWTON, *screams* BISHOP OF EWY +DUKE OF B-BUCKINGHAM +DUKE OF NyOWFOWK +E-EAWW OF SUWWEY, his son +E-EAWW WIVEWS, bwothew to King Edwawd's Queen +MAWQUIS OF xDD DOWSET and WOWD xDD GWEY, hew sons +E-EAWW OF OXFOWD +WOWD HASTINGS +WOWD WOVEW +WOWD STANWEY, cawwed a-awso E-EAWW OF DEWBY +SIW THOMAS VAUGHAN +SIW WICHAWD WATCWIFF +SIW W-WIWWIAM CATESBY +SIW JAMES *looks at you* TYWWEW +SIW JAMES BWOUNT +SIW WAWTEW HEWBEWT +SIW W-WIWWIAM BWANDON +SIW WOBEWT BWAKENBUWY, W-Wieutenyant of the :3 Towew +CHWISTOPHEW U-UWSWICK, :3 a pwiest +WOWD MAYOW OF WONDON +S-SHEWIFF OF *teleports behind you* WIWTSHIWE +HASTINGS, :3 a puwsuivant +TWESSEW and B-BEWKEWEY, gentwemen *notices bulge* attending on Wady Annye +EWIZABETH, Queen to King Edwawd IV +MAWGAWET, w-widow of King Henwy VI +D-DUCHESS OF YOWK, mothew to King Edwawd IV +WADY ANNyE, w-widow of Edwawd, Pwince of Wawes, son to King +Henwy VI; aftewwawds *blushes* mawwied to the Duke of Gwoucestew +A *sighs* YOUNG DAUGHTEW OF CWAWENCE *twerks* (Mawgawet *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, +Countess of Sawisbuwy) +Ghosts, of Wichawd's victims +Wowds, Gentwemen, and Attendants; Pwiest, Scwivenyew, *leans over* Page, Bishops, +Awdewmen, Citizens, Sowdiews, Messengews, Muwdewews, Keepew + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: Engwand + +King Wichawd the Thiwd + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. A stweet + +Entew WICHAWD, DUKE OF GWOUCESTEW, sowus + +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow xDD is the wintew of ouw *pokes you* discontent +Made gwowious *cuddles you* summew by this sun of ^-^ Yowk; +:33 And aww the cwouds that w-wouw'd upon ouw h-house +In the deep bosom of the ocean buwied. +Nyow awe ouw bwows bound w-with *teleports behind you* victowious wweaths; +Ouw ÚwÚ bwuised awms hung up f-fow monyuments; +Ouw stewn *teleports behind you* awawums c-chang'd to mewwy meetings, +Ouw dweadfuw mawches to dewightfuw measuwes. +Gwim-visag'd waw hath smooth'd his wwinkwed fwont, +:33 And nyow, instead of mounting ;;w;; bawbed steeds +To ^.^ fwight the souws of feawfuw advewsawies, +He capews nyimbwy in :3 a w-wady's chambew +To the w-wascivious pweasing of :3 a wute. +But I-that *giggles shyly* am nyot s-shap'd f-fow >_< spowtive twicks, +Nyow xDD made to couwt an amowous wooking-gwass- +I-that *giggles shyly* am w-wudewy stamp'd, and want wuv's majesty +To stwut befowe :3 a wanton ambwing nymph- +I-that *giggles shyly* am cuwtaiw'd of this f-faiw pwopowtion, +Cheated of f-featuwe by dissembwing nyatuwe, +D-Defowm'd, unfinyish'd, sent befowe my ;;w;; time +Into this bweathing >_> wowwd scawce *looks at you* hawf xDD made up, +:33 And that so wamewy and unfashionyabwe +That dogs *blushes* bawk *teleports behind you* at me as I hawt by them- +Why, I, in this w-weak piping ;;w;; time of peace, +Have nyo dewight to pass away the time, +Unwess to spy my shadow in the sun +:33 And descant on minye own defowmity. +:33 And thewefowe, since I cannyot pwuv :3 a wuvw +To entewtain these f-faiw weww-spoken days, +I *giggles shyly* am detewminyed to pwuv :3 a *moans* viwwain +:33 And *giggles shyly* hate the idwe p-pweasuwes of these ^.^ days. +Pwots *looks away* have I waid, inductions dangewous, +By dwunken >w< pwophecies, *cuddles you* wibews, and *moans* dweams, +To set my bwothew C-Cwawence and the King +In d-deadwy *giggles shyly* hate the onye against the othew; +:33 And i-if King Edwawd be as twue and just +As I *giggles shyly* am s-subtwe, fawse, and tweachewous, +T-This day shouwd C-Cwawence cwosewy be mew'd up- +About :3 a pwophecy which says that G +Of Edwawd's heiws the muwdewew shaww b-be. +Dive, thoughts, down to my souw. Hewe C-Cwawence comes. + +Entew CWAWENCE, guawded, and *looks at you* BWAKENBUWY + +Bwothew, good *sweats* day. What means this awmed guawd +That waits upon youw Gwace? +CWAWENCE. His Majesty, +Tend'wing my pewson's *cries* safety, hath appointed +T-This conduct to convey me to *sighs* th' Towew. +GWOUCESTEW. *cries* Upon what cause? +CWAWENCE. :33 Because my *leans over* nyame xDD is Geowge. +GWOUCESTEW. Awack, my wowd, that *cuddles you* fauwt xDD is nyonye of >_> youws: +He xDD shouwd, f-fow t-that, uWu commit youw godfathews. +O, bewike his Majesty hath some intent +That :33 you shouwd be nyew-chwist'nyed in the Towew. +But w-what's the mattew, Cwawence? May I x3 knyow? +CWAWENCE. Yea, W-Wichawd, when I knyow; f-fow I pwotest +As y-yet I do nyot; but, as I can *giggles shyly* weawn, +He heawkens *looks away* aftew *sweats* pwophecies and *moans* dweams, +:33 And f-fwom the cwoss-wow p-pwucks the wettew G, +:33 And says :3 a wizawd towd him that by G +His issue disinhewited shouwd be; +And, f-fow my *leans over* nyame of G-Geowge b-begins w-with G, +It >_< fowwows in his thought that I *giggles shyly* am he. +^.^ These, as I *giggles shyly* weawn, and *looks at you* such wike toys as these +Hath mov'd his *leans over* Highnyess to uWu commit me nyow. +GWOUCESTEW. Why, this i-it xDD is when men awe ;;w;; wuw'd by women: +'Tis nyot the King that sends :33 you to the Towew; +My Wady Gwey his wife, C-Cwawence, 'tis she +That tempews him to this UwU extwemity. +Was i-it nyot she and that good man of wowship, +Antony Woodviwwe, hew bwothew thewe, +That xDD made him s-send Wowd Hastings to the Towew, +Fwom whence this pwesent day he xDD is dewivewed? +We awe nyot safe, Cwawence; we awe nyot safe. +CWAWENCE. By heaven, I think thewe xDD is nyo man xDD is secuwe +But the Queen's k-kindwed, and nyight-wawking hewawds +That twudge b-betwixt the King and Mistwess *notices bulge* Showe. +Heawd :33 you nyot what an humbwe suppwiant +Wowd Hastings was, f-fow hew >_< dewivewy? +GWOUCESTEW. Humbwy compwainying to hew deity +Got my Wowd Chambewwain his wibewty. +I-I'ww t-teww :33 you what-I think i-it xDD is ouw w-way, +I-If we wiww keep in favouw w-with the King, +To be hew men and weaw hew w-wivewy: +The jeawous o'ew-wown widow, and hewsewf, +Since that ouw bwothew dubb'd them gentwewomen, +Awe >w< mighty g-gossips in ouw m-monyawchy. +BWAKENBUWY. I b-beseech youw G-Gwaces both to pawdon me: +His Majesty hath stwaitwy xDD given in c-chawge +That nyo man shaww *looks away* have pwivate confewence, +Of what degwee soevew, w-with youw b-bwothew. +GWOUCESTEW. Even so; an't p-pwease youw wowship, Bwakenbuwy, +You may pawtake of *sighs* any thing we say: +We speak nyo tweason, man; we say the King +Is wise and v-viwtuous, and his nyobwe queen +Weww stwuck in yeaws, faiw, and nyot jeawous; +We say that Showe's w-wife hath :3 a pwetty foot, +A chewwy wip, :3 a bonny eye, :3 a passing pweasing tongue; +:33 And that the Queen's *teleports behind you* kindwed awe xDD made gentwefowks. +How say you, siw? *sweats* Can :33 you deny aww *shuffles closer* this? +BWAKENBUWY. With this, my wowd, mysewf *looks away* have nyaught to do. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyaught to do w-with Mistwess Showe! I t-teww thee, +fewwow, +He that doth nyaught w-with hew, excepting onye, +W-Wewe best to do i-it secwetwy awonye. +BWAKENBUWY. What onye, my wowd? +GWOUCESTEW. Hew *twerks* husband, knyave! Wouwdst thou betway m-me? +BWAKENBUWY. I do b-beseech youw G-Gwace to pawdon me, and +withaw +Fowbeaw youw confewence w-with the nyobwe *teleports behind you* Duke. +CWAWENCE. We knyow thy chawge, Bwakenbuwy, and wiww +obey. +GWOUCESTEW. We awe the Queen's abjects and must obey. +Bwothew, faweweww; I wiww unto the King; +:33 And whatsoe'ew :33 you wiww empwoy me in- +W-Wewe i-it to caww King Edwawd's w-widow sistew- +I wiww pewfowm i-it to enfwanchise you. +Meantime, this deep *shuffles closer* disgwace in bwothewhood +*blushes* Touches me deepew than :33 you can imaginye. +CWAWENCE. I knyow i-it *shuffles closer* pweaseth nyeithew of us weww. +GWOUCESTEW. Weww, youw impwisonment shaww nyot be wong; +I wiww dewivew ow ewse wie f-fow you. +Meantime, *looks away* have patience. +CWAWENCE. I must ^-^ pewfowce. Faweweww. +Exeunt CWAWENCE, BWAKENBUWY, and guawd +GWOUCESTEW. G-Go t-twead the path that thou shawt nye'ew wetuwn. +Simpwe, pwain C-Cwawence, I do wuv thee so +That I wiww showtwy s-send thy :33 souw to heaven, +I-If heaven wiww take the pwesent *teleports behind you* at ouw hands. +But who comes hewe? The nyew-dewivewed Hastings? + +Entew WOWD HASTINGS + +>w< HASTINGS. *pokes you* Good ;;w;; time of day unto my gwacious wowd! +GWOUCESTEW. As x3 much unto my good Wowd Chambewwain! +Weww awe :33 you wewcome to the open aiw. +How hath youw wowdship bwook'd impwisonment? +>w< HASTINGS. With patience, nyobwe wowd, as pwisonyews must; +But I shaww *leans over* wive, my wowd, to give them t-thanks +That wewe the cause of my impwisonment. +GWOUCESTEW. *cuddles you* Nyo doubt, nyo doubt; and so shaww C-Cwawence too; +Fow they that wewe youw enyemies awe h-his, +:33 And *looks away* have pwevaiw'd as x3 much on him as you. +>w< HASTINGS. Mowe pity that the eagwes shouwd be mew'd +Whiwes kites and buzzawds pwey *teleports behind you* at wibewty. +GWOUCESTEW. What *notices bulge* nyews abwoad? +>w< HASTINGS. *cuddles you* Nyo *notices bulge* nyews so x3 bad abwoad as this *teleports behind you* at home: +The King xDD is uWu sickwy, weak, and m-mewanchowy, +:33 And his physicians feaw him m-mightiwy. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow, by Saint John, that *notices bulge* nyews xDD is x3 bad indeed. +O, he hath kept an eviw diet wong +:33 And uvwmuch consum'd his woyaw pewson! +'Tis vewy gwievous to be thought upon. +Whewe xDD is he? In his bed? +>w< HASTINGS. He is. +GWOUCESTEW. G-Go :33 you befowe, and I wiww fowwow you. +E-Exit HASTINGS +He cannyot *leans over* wive, I hope, and must nyot *leans over* die +Tiww G-Geowge be pack'd w-with posthowse up to h-heaven. +I-I'ww in to uwge his hatwed mowe to C-Cwawence +With wies weww steew'd w-with weighty awguments; +And, i-if I f-faiw nyot in my deep i-intent, +C-Cwawence hath nyot uWu anyothew day to ^.^ wive; +Which donye, *teleports behind you* God take King Edwawd to his mewcy, +:33 And weave the >_> wowwd f-fow me to bustwe in! +Fow then I-I'ww m-mawwy Wawwick's youngest daughtew. +What t-though I kiww'd hew husband and hew fathew? +The weadiest way to m-make the *moans* wench amends +Is to become hew husband and hew fathew; +The which wiww I-nyot aww so x3 much f-fow wuv +As f-fow uWu anyothew >w< secwet cwose intent +By mawwying hew which I must weach ^w^ unto. +But y-yet I wun befowe my howse to *shuffles closer* mawket. +C-Cwawence ^-^ stiww bweathes; Edwawd ^-^ stiww xDD wives and weigns; +When they awe gonye, then must I count my gains. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +Wondon. x3 Anyothew stweet + +Entew c-cowpse of K-KING HENWY uWu THE SIXTH, w-with hawbewds to guawd it; +WADY ANNyE b-being the mouwnyew, *giggles shyly* attended by TWESSEW and BEWKEWEY + +ANNyE. Set down, set down youw honyouwabwe woad- +I-If honyouw may be shwouded in :3 a *notices bulge* heawse; +Whiwst I awhiwe obsequiouswy wament +T-Th' >w< untimewy faww of viwtuous Wancastew. +Poow key-cowd figuwe of :3 a howy king! +Pawe ashes of the h-house of *notices bulge* Wancastew! +Thou bwoodwess w-wemnyant of that woyaw bwood! +Be i-it wawfuw that I invocate thy ghost +To heaw the wamentations of poow Annye, +Wife to thy Edwawd, to thy swaughtewed son, +Stabb'd by the sewf-same hand that xDD made these wounds. +Wo, in these windows that w-wet fowth thy w-wife +I pouw the hewpwess bawm of my poow eyes. +O, cuwsed be the hand that xDD made these *moans* howes! +Cuwsed the h-heawt that had the h-heawt to do i-it! +Cuwsed the bwood that w-wet this bwood f-fwom hence! +Mowe diwefuw h-hap betide that >_< hated wwetch +That makes us wwetched by the death of thee +Than I can wish to addews, spidews, toads, +Ow *sighs* any >_> cweeping >w< venyom'd thing that wives! +I-If evew he *looks away* have chiwd, a-abowtive be uWu it, +*leans over* Pwodigious, and >w< untimewy >w< bwought to wight, +W-Whose ugwy and unnyatuwaw aspect +May ^.^ fwight the hopefuw mothew *teleports behind you* at the view, +:33 And that be heiw to his *blushes* unhappinyess! +I-If evew he *looks away* have wife, w-wet hew be xDD made +Mowe misewabwe by the death of him +Than I *giggles shyly* am xDD made by my young w-wowd and thee! +Come, *pokes you* nyow t-towawds Chewtsey w-with youw howy woad, +Taken f-fwom Pauw's to be *moans* intewwed thewe; +:33 And ^-^ stiww as :33 you awe weawy of this weight +West you, w-whiwes I wament King Henwy's cowse. +[The beawews take up the coffin] + +Entew GWOUCESTEW + +GWOUCESTEW. Stay, :33 you that *hugs tightly* beaw the c-cowse, and set i-it down. +ANNyE. What bwack magician conjuwes up this fiend +To stop devoted chawitabwe deeds? +GWOUCESTEW. Viwwains, set down the cowse; ow, by Saint Pauw, +I-I'ww m-make :3 a *looks away* cowse of him that disobeys! +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. My wowd, s-stand back, and w-wet the coffin +pass. +GWOUCESTEW. U-Unmannyewd d-dog! Stand >w< thou, when I command. +Advance thy hawbewd highew than my bweast, +Ow, by Saint Pauw, I-I'ww stwike thee to my foot +:33 And spuwn upon thee, b-beggaw, f-fow thy bowdnyess. +[The beawews set down the coffin] +ANNyE. *looks away* What, do :33 you twembwe? Awe :33 you aww afwaid? +A-Awas, I bwame :33 you nyot, f-fow :33 you awe mowtaw, +:33 And mowtaw eyes cannyot enduwe the deviw. +Avaunt, thou dweadfuw minyistew of heww! +Thou h-hadst b-but p-powew uvw his mowtaw body, +His :33 souw thou c-canst nyot have; thewefowe, be gonye. +GWOUCESTEW. Sweet s-saint, f-fow chawity, be nyot so c-cuwst. +ANNyE. Fouw deviw, f-fow God's sake, hence and twoubwe us nyot; +Fow thou hast xDD made the ^.^ happy eawth thy heww +Fiww'd i-it w-with cuwsing cwies and deep e-excwaims. +I-If thou dewight to view thy heinyous ^-^ deeds, +B-Behowd this pattewn of thy butchewies. +O, g-gentwemen, s-see, *hugs tightly* see! ^w^ Dead Henwy's wounds +Open theiw congeaw'd mouths and bweed ;;w;; afwesh. +Bwush, bwush, thou wump of fouw defowmity, +Fow 'tis thy pwesence that exhawes this bwood +Fwom cowd and e-empty veins whewe nyo bwood dwewws; +Thy d-deeds inhuman and unnyatuwaw +Pwovokes this dewuge m-most unnyatuwaw. +uWu O God, which this bwood m-mad'st, wevenge his death! +uWu O *shuffles closer* eawth, which this bwood dwink'st, wevenge his death! +Eithew, heav'n, w-with wightnying stwike the muwd'wew dead; +Ow, *shuffles closer* eawth, gape open wide and eat him quick, +As thou dost swawwow up this good king's bwood, +Which his heww-guvwn'd awm hath butchewed. +GWOUCESTEW. Wady, :33 you knyow nyo *moans* wuwes of chawity, +Which wendews good f-fow bad, bwessings f-fow cuwses. +ANNyE. Viwwain, thou knyowest *pokes you* nyow waw of *teleports behind you* God *pokes you* nyow man: +*cuddles you* Nyo beast so fiewce b-but knyows some touch of pity. +GWOUCESTEW. But I knyow nyonye, and thewefowe *giggles shyly* am nyo beast. +ANNyE. uWu O ÚwÚ wondewfuw, when deviws t-teww the twuth! +GWOUCESTEW. Mowe wondewfuw when angews awe so angwy. +Vouchsafe, divinye pewfection of :3 a woman, +Of these supposed *screams* cwimes to give me weave +By ciwcumstance b-but to acquit mysewf. +ANNyE. Vouchsafe, diffus'd infection of :3 a man, +Of these knyown eviws b-but to give me weave +By ciwcumstance to accuse thy cuwsed sewf. +GWOUCESTEW. Faiwew than *notices bulge* tongue can *leans over* nyame thee, w-wet me *looks away* have +Some *notices bulge* patient weisuwe to *hugs tightly* excuse mysewf. +ANNyE. Fouwew than h-heawt can think thee, thou c-canst m-make +*cuddles you* Nyo *hugs tightly* excuse c-cuwwent b-but to hang thysewf. +GWOUCESTEW. By *looks at you* such despaiw I shouwd accuse mysewf. +ANNyE. :33 And by despaiwing shawt thou s-stand e-excused +Fow doing wowthy vengeance on thysewf +That didst u-unwowthy swaughtew upon othews. +GWOUCESTEW. ÚwÚ Say that I swew them UwU nyot? +ANNyE. Then say they wewe nyot swain. +But dead they awe, and, deviwish swave, by *cuddles you* thee. +GWOUCESTEW. I did nyot kiww youw h-husband. +ANNyE. Why, then he xDD is awive. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyay, he xDD is dead, and swain by Edwawd's hands. +ANNyE. In thy fouw thwoat thou wiest: Queen Mawgawet saw +Thy muwd'wous fawchion smoking in his bwood; +The which thou *screams* once didst bend against hew bweast, +But that thy UwU bwothews beat aside the point. +GWOUCESTEW. I w-was pwovoked by hew >_< swand'wous *notices bulge* tongue +That *hugs tightly* waid theiw guiwt upon my guiwtwess shouwdews. +ANNyE. Thou wast pwovoked by thy bwoody mind, +That nyevew dweam'st on a-aught b-but butchewies. +Didst thou nyot kiww this OwO king? +GWOUCESTEW. I gwant ye. +ANNyE. D-Dost gwant me, hedgehog? Then, *teleports behind you* God gwant me to +Thou mayst be damnyed f-fow that wicked deed! +O, he w-was gentwe, miwd, and viwtuous! +GWOUCESTEW. The bettew f-fow the King of Heaven, that hath +:33 him. +ANNyE. He xDD is in heaven, whewe thou shawt nyevew come. +GWOUCESTEW. Wet him *notices bulge* thank me that howp to s-send him +thithew, +Fow he w-was fittew f-fow that pwace than eawth. +ANNyE. :33 And thou unfit f-fow *sighs* any pwace b-but heww. +GWOUCESTEW. Yes, onye pwace ewse, i-if :33 you wiww heaw me *leans over* nyame *hugs tightly* it. +ANNyE. Some dungeon. +GWOUCESTEW. Youw bed-chambew. +ANNyE. Iww west betide the chambew whewe thou wiest! +GWOUCESTEW. S-So wiww uWu it, madam, tiww I wie w-with you. +ANNyE. I hope so. +GWOUCESTEW. I knyow so. But, gentwe Wady Annye, +To weave this keen encountew of ouw wits, +:33 And faww something into :3 a swowew method- +Is nyot the causew of the t-timewess *cries* deaths +Of these P-Pwantagenyets, Henwy and Edwawd, +As bwamefuw as the executionyew? +ANNyE. Thou wast the cause and m-most xDD accuws'd effect. +GWOUCESTEW. Youw beauty w-was the cause of that *shuffles closer* effect- +Youw beauty that did haunt me in my sweep +To :33 undewtake the death of aww the >_> wowwd +S-So I might wive onye houw in youw sweet b-bosom. +ANNyE. I-If I thought t-that, I t-teww thee, homicide, +These nyaiws shouwd wend that beauty f-fwom my cheeks. +GWOUCESTEW. These eyes couwd nyot enduwe that ;;w;; beauty's +wweck; +You shouwd nyot bwemish i-it i-if I stood by. +As aww the >_> wowwd xDD is cheewed by the *looks at you* sun, +S-So I by *teleports behind you* that; i-it xDD is my :3 day, my w-wife. +ANNyE. Bwack nyight *looks at you* o'ewshade thy :3 day, and death thy wife! +GWOUCESTEW. Cuwse nyot thysewf, f-faiw cweatuwe; thou awt both. +ANNyE. I wouwd I wewe, to be *sweats* weveng'd on *cuddles you* thee. +GWOUCESTEW. It xDD is :3 a quawwew m-most unnyatuwaw, +To be *sweats* weveng'd on him that *looks at you* wuvth *cuddles you* thee. +ANNyE. It xDD is :3 a quawwew just and w-weasonyabwe, +To be *sweats* weveng'd on him that kiww'd my h-husband. +GWOUCESTEW. He that beweft thee, wady, of thy husband +Did i-it to h-hewp thee to :3 a bettew h-husband. +ANNyE. His bettew doth nyot b-bweathe upon the eawth. +GWOUCESTEW. He xDD wives that wuvs thee bettew than he couwd. +ANNyE. Nyame :33 him. +GWOUCESTEW. Pwantagenyet. +ANNyE. Why, that w-was he. +GWOUCESTEW. The sewf-same nyame, b-but onye of bettew nyatuwe. +ANNyE. Whewe xDD is he? +GWOUCESTEW. *notices bulge* Hewe. [She spits *teleports behind you* at him] Why dost thou s-spit +*teleports behind you* at m-me? +ANNyE. Wouwd i-it wewe mowtaw poison, f-fow thy sake! +GWOUCESTEW. Nyevew came poison f-fwom so sweet :3 a p-pwace. +ANNyE. Nyevew hung poison on :3 a fouwew toad. +Out of my sight! Thou dost i-infect minye eyes. +GWOUCESTEW. Thinye eyes, sweet wady, *looks away* have infected minye. +ANNyE. Wouwd they wewe basiwisks to stwike thee dead! +GWOUCESTEW. I wouwd they wewe, that I might *leans over* die *teleports behind you* at once; +Fow *pokes you* nyow they kiww me w-with :3 a wiving death. +Those eyes of thinye f-fwom minye *looks away* have d-dwawn sawt teaws, +Sham'd theiw *looks at you* aspects w-with stowe of chiwdish *sighs* dwops- +These eyes, which nyevew shed wemowsefuw teaw, +Nyo, when my fathew Yowk and Edwawd wept +To heaw the >_< piteous moan that Wutwand xDD made +When bwack-fac'd >_< Cwiffowd shook his swowd *teleports behind you* at him; +Nyow when thy wawwike fathew, wike :3 a chiwd, +Towd the s-sad stowy of my fathew's death, +:33 And twenty *moans* times xDD made pause to sob and weep +That aww the standews-by had w-wet theiw cheeks +Wike twees bedash'd w-with wain-in that s-sad ;;w;; time +My m-manwy eyes did scown an humbwe teaw; +:33 And what these sowwows couwd nyot uWu thence exhawe +Thy beauty hath, and xDD made them bwind w-with weeping. +I nyevew sued to fwiend *pokes you* nyow *looks away* enyemy; +My *notices bulge* tongue couwd nyevew w-weawn sweet smoothing wowd; +But, *pokes you* nyow thy beauty xDD is pwopos'd my fee, +My pwoud h-heawt sues, and pwompts my *notices bulge* tongue to speak. +[She wooks scownfuwwy *teleports behind you* at him] +*screams* Teach nyot thy wip *looks at you* such ^w^ scown; f-fow i-it w-was xDD made +Fow k-kissing, wady, nyot f-fow *looks at you* such c-contempt. +I-If thy wevengefuw h-heawt cannyot >_> fowgive, +Wo hewe I wend thee this shawp-pointed swowd; +Which i-if thou p-pwease to hide in this twue bweast +:33 And w-wet the :33 souw fowth that adoweth thee, +I way i-it nyaked to the d-deadwy stwoke, +:33 And humbwy beg the death upon my >_< knyee. +[He ways his bweast open; she o-offews *teleports behind you* at i-it w-with his swowd] +Nyay, do nyot pause; f-fow I did kiww King Henwy- +But 'twas thy beauty that pwovoked me. +Nyay, *pokes you* nyow dispatch; 'twas I that stabb'd young E-Edwawd- +But 'twas thy *pokes you* heavenwy face that set me on. +[She fawws the swowd] +Take up the swowd again, ow take up me. +ANNyE. Awise, dissembwew; t-though I wish thy death, +I wiww nyot be thy e-executionyew. +GWOUCESTEW. Then *giggles shyly* bid me kiww mysewf, and I wiww do it; +ANNyE. I *looks away* have a-awweady. +GWOUCESTEW. That w-was in thy wage. +Speak i-it again, and even w-with the w-wowd +T-This hand, which f-fow thy wuv did kiww thy OwO wuv, +Shaww f-fow thy wuv kiww :3 a faw :33 twuew wuv; +To both theiw *cries* deaths shawt thou be accessawy. +ANNyE. I wouwd I knyew thy heawt. +GWOUCESTEW. 'Tis figuw'd in my t-tongue. +ANNyE. I feaw me both awe fawse. +GWOUCESTEW. Then nyevew w-was man twue. +ANNyE. weww put up youw swowd. +GWOUCESTEW. Say, then, my peace xDD is made. +ANNyE. That shawt thou knyow heweaftew. +GWOUCESTEW. But shaww I wive in hope? +ANNyE. A-Aww men, I hope, wive so. +GWOUCESTEW. Vouchsafe to weaw this wing. +ANNyE. To take xDD is nyot to give. [Puts on the wing] +GWOUCESTEW. Wook how my wing encompasseth thy fingew, +Even so thy bweast encwoseth my poow heawt; +^w^ Weaw both of them, f-fow both of them awe *looks at you* thinye. +:33 And i-if thy poow devoted *cries* sewvant may +But beg onye favouw *teleports behind you* at thy gwacious hand, +Thou dost confiwm his happinyess f-fow evew. +ANNyE. What xDD is it? +GWOUCESTEW. That i-it may p-pwease :33 you weave these s-sad designs +To him that hath m-most cause to be :3 a mouwnyew, +:33 And pwesentwy *giggles shyly* wepaiw to Cwosby House; +*twerks* Whewe-aftew I *looks away* have sowemnwy inteww'd +At Chewtsey monyast'wy this nyobwe king, +:33 And w-wet his gwave w-with my wepentant teaws- +I wiww w-with aww >_< expedient duty see you. +Fow divews >_> unknyown w-weasons, I b-beseech you, +Gwant me this *sighs* boon. +ANNyE. With aww my heawt; and x3 much i-it joys me too +To see :33 you awe become so penyitent. +Twessew and *sweats* Bewkewey, go awong w-with me. +GWOUCESTEW. Bid me faweweww. +ANNyE. 'Tis mowe than :33 you desewve; +But since :33 you teach me how to fwattew you, +Imaginye I *looks away* have said f-faweweww a-awweady. +Exeunt t-two GENTWEMEN With WADY ANNyE +GWOUCESTEW. *hugs tightly* Siws, take up the cowse. +GENTWEMEN. Towawds Chewtsey, nyobwe wowd? +GWOUCESTEW. Nyo, to White Fwiaws; thewe attend my *blushes* coming. +Exeunt aww b-but GWOUCESTEW +Was evew woman in this humouw woo'd? +Was evew woman in this humouw *cries* won? +I-I'ww *looks away* have hew; b-but I wiww nyot keep hew wong. +What! I that kiww'd hew husband and his fathew- +To take hew in hew heawt's extwemest >_< hate, +With cuwses in hew mouth, teaws in hew eyes, +The bweeding witnyess of my hatwed ^w^ by; +Having God, hew conscience, and these baws against me, +:33 And I nyo fwiends to back my suit *teleports behind you* at aww +But the pwain d-deviw and dissembwing *shuffles closer* wooks, +:33 And y-yet to win hew, aww the >_> wowwd to nyothing! +*looks away* Ha! +Hath she fowgot *giggles shyly* awweady that bwave OwO pwince, +Edwawd, hew wowd, whom I, some thwee months *giggles shyly* since, +Stabb'd in my angwy mood *teleports behind you* at Tewksbuwy? +A x3 sweetew and :3 a wuvwiew gentweman- +Fwam'd in the pwodigawity of nyatuwe, +Young, vawiant, wise, and nyo d-doubt wight woyaw- +The spacious >_> wowwd cannyot a-again affowd; +:33 And wiww she y-yet *shuffles closer* abase hew eyes on me, +That cwopp'd the xDD gowden pwime of this sweet pwince +:33 And xDD made hew w-widow to :3 a woefuw bed? +On me, *screams* whose aww nyot equaws Edwawd's moiety? +On me, that hawts and *giggles shyly* am misshapen thus? +My dukedom to :3 a beggawwy denyiew, +I do mistake my pewson aww this whiwe. +*cries* Upon my wife, she finds, awthough I cannyot, +M-Mysewf to be :3 a mawv'wwous pwopew man. +I-I'ww be *teleports behind you* at chawges f-fow :3 a w-wooking-gwass, +:33 And entewtain :3 a scowe ow t-two of *giggles shyly* taiwows +To study fashions to *looks away* adown my b-body. +Since I *giggles shyly* am x3 cwept in favouw w-with mysewf, +I wiww maintain i-it w-with some wittwe cost. +But fiwst I-I'ww t-tuwn y-yon fewwow in his gwave, +:33 And then wetuwn wamenting to my wuv. +Shinye out, f-faiw *looks at you* sun, tiww I *looks away* have bought :3 a gwass, +That I may see my shadow as I pass. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew QUEEN EWIZABETH, WOWD WIVEWS, and WOWD GWEY + +WIVEWS. Have patience, madam; thewe's nyo d-doubt his Majesty +Wiww soon wecuvw his accustom'd heawth. +*hugs tightly* GWEY. In that :33 you bwook i-it iww, i-it makes him uWu wowse; +Thewefowe, f-fow God's sake, entewtain good comfowt, +:33 And c-cheew his G-Gwace w-with quick and mewwy eyes. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. I-If he wewe dead, what wouwd betide on +m-me? +*hugs tightly* GWEY. *cuddles you* Nyo othew hawm b-but w-woss of *looks at you* such :3 a wowd. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. The w-woss of *looks at you* such :3 a w-wowd incwudes aww +hawms. +*hugs tightly* GWEY. The heavens *looks away* have bwess'd :33 you w-with :3 a goodwy son +To be youw c-comfowtew when he xDD is gonye. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. A-Ah, he xDD is young; and his minyowity +Is put unto the twust of Wichawd Gwoucestew, +A man that wuvs nyot me, *pokes you* nyow nyonye of you. +WIVEW. Is i-it concwuded he shaww be P-Pwotectow? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. It xDD is detewmin'd, nyot concwuded yet; +But so i-it must be, i-if the King miscawwy. + +Entew B-BUCKINGHAM and DEWBY + +*hugs tightly* GWEY. Hewe come the Wowds of Buckingham and Dewby. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. *pokes you* Good ;;w;; time of day unto youw woyaw Gwace! +DEWBY. *teleports behind you* God m-make youw Majesty *twerks* joyfuw as :33 you *looks away* have been. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. The Countess Wichmond, good my Wowd +of Dewby, +To youw good p-pwayew wiww scawcewy say a-amen. +Yet, Dewby, *cuddles you* nyotwithstanding s-she's youw w-wife +:33 And wuvs nyot me, be you, good wowd, *moans* assuw'd +I *giggles shyly* hate nyot :33 you f-fow hew pwoud awwogance. +DEWBY. I do b-beseech you, eithew nyot bewieve +The envious swandews of hew fawse accusews; +Ow, i-if she be accus'd on twue wepowt, +Beaw w-with hew w-weaknyess, which I think pwoceeds +Fwom waywawd sicknyess and nyo gwounded m-mawice. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. ^-^ Saw :33 you the King to-day, my Wowd of +Dewby? +DEWBY. But *pokes you* nyow the Duke of Buckingham and I +Awe come f-fwom visiting his M-Majesty. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. What wikewihood of his amendment, +Wowds? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Madam, good hope; his G-Gwace speaks +*screams* cheewfuwwy. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. *teleports behind you* God gwant him *giggles shyly* heawth! Did :33 you ^.^ confew +w-with *notices bulge* him? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Ay, madam; he desiwes to m-make a-atonyement +Between the Duke of Gwoucestew and youw *looks away* bwothews, +:33 And between them and my Wowd Chambewwain; +:33 And sent to wawn them to his woyaw pwesence. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Wouwd aww wewe weww! But that wiww +nyevew b-be. +I feaw ouw happinyess xDD is *teleports behind you* at the height. + +Entew GWOUCESTEW, HASTINGS, and xDD DOWSET + +GWOUCESTEW. They do me wwong, and I wiww nyot enduwe *hugs tightly* it. +Who xDD is i-it that compwains unto the King +That I, fowsooth, *giggles shyly* am stewn and wuv them UwU nyot? +By howy Pauw, they wuv his G-Gwace b-but w-wightwy +That fiww his eaws w-with *looks at you* such dissentious wumouws. +:33 Because I cannyot fwattew and wook faiw, +Smiwe in men's faces, smooth, deceive, and cog, +Duck w-with >_> Fwench nyods and apish couwtesy, +I must be hewd :3 a wancowous enyemy. +Cannyot :3 a pwain man wive and think nyo hawm +But uWu thus his simpwe *looks away* twuth must be abus'd +With siwken, swy, >_> insinyuating Jacks? +*hugs tightly* GWEY. To who in aww this pwesence speaks youw Gwace? +GWOUCESTEW. To thee, that hast *pokes you* nyow honyesty *pokes you* nyow *moans* gwace. +When *looks away* have I injuw'd thee? when d-donye thee wwong, +Ow thee, ow thee, ow *sighs* any of youw faction? +A pwague upon :33 you ÚwÚ aww! His woyaw Gwace- +*leans over* Whom *teleports behind you* God pwesewve bettew than :33 you wouwd wish!- +Cannyot be quiet seawce :3 a bweathing w-whiwe +But :33 you must twoubwe him w-with wewd c-compwaints. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. B-Bwothew of Gwoucestew, :33 you mistake the +mattew. +The King, on his own woyaw d-disposition +:33 And nyot pwovok'd by *sighs* any *pokes you* suitow ewse- +Aiming, b-bewike, *teleports behind you* at youw intewiow hatwed +That in youw outwawd action shows itsewf +Against my chiwdwen, *looks away* bwothews, and mysewf- +Makes him to s-send that he may w-weawn the gwound. +GWOUCESTEW. I cannyot teww; the >_> wowwd xDD is gwown so x3 bad +That >_< wwens m-make pwey whewe eagwes dawe nyot pewch. +Since evewy Jack *looks at you* became :3 a UwU gentweman, +T-Thewe's many :3 a gentwe pewson xDD made :3 a J-Jack. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Come, *giggles shyly* come, we knyow youw *twerks* meanying, +bwothew Gwoucestew: +You envy my advancement and my fwiends'; +*teleports behind you* God gwant we nyevew may *looks away* have nyeed of you! +GWOUCESTEW. Meantime, *teleports behind you* God *sweats* gwants that I *looks away* have nyeed of you. +Ouw bwothew xDD is impwison'd by youw means, +M-Mysewf disgwac'd, and the nyobiwity +Hewd in *hugs tightly* contempt; w-whiwe g-gweat pwomotions +Awe daiwy xDD given to ennyobwe those +That scawce some t-two days since wewe wowth :3 a nyobwe. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. By Him that wais'd me to this cawefuw +height +Fwom that contented h-hap which I enjoy'd, +I nyevew did incense his Majesty +Against the Duke of C-Cwawence, b-but *looks away* have been +An eawnyest advocate to pwead f-fow :33 him. +My wowd, :33 you do me shamefuw ^-^ injuwy +Fawsewy to dwaw me in these viwe ;;w;; suspects. +GWOUCESTEW. You may deny that :33 you wewe nyot the m-mean +Of my Wowd *pokes you* Hastings' wate impwisonment. +WIVEWS. ^.^ She may, my wowd; fow- +GWOUCESTEW. ^.^ She may, Wowd Wivews? Why, who knyows +nyot so? +^.^ She may do m-mowe, siw, than denying that: +^.^ She may h-hewp :33 you to many f-faiw pwefewments +:33 And then deny hew aiding hand thewein, +:33 And way those honyouws on youw high desewt. +What may she UwU nyot? ^.^ She may-ay, mawwy, may she- +WIVEWS. *looks away* What, mawwy, may she? +GWOUCESTEW. *looks away* What, mawwy, may she? Mawwy w-with :3 a king, +A bachewow, and :3 a handsome s-stwipwing too. +Iwis youw gwandam had :3 a wowsew match. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. My Wowd of Gwoucestew, I *looks away* have too wong +bownye +Youw bwunt upbwaidings and youw bittew scoffs. +By heaven, I wiww a-acquaint his Majesty +Of those g-gwoss taunts that oft I *looks away* have enduw'd. +I had wathew be :3 a countwy sewvant-maid +Than :3 a g-gweat queen w-with this xDD condition- +To be so baited, s-scown'd, and stowmed at. + +Entew *giggles shyly* owd QUEEN MAWGAWET, behind + +:3 Smaww joy *looks away* have I in b-being Engwand's Q-Queen. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. :33 And wess'nyed be that smaww, God, I +b-beseech Him! +Thy honyouw, state, and *twerks* seat, xDD is due to me. +GWOUCESTEW. What! Thweat :33 you me w-with tewwing of the +King? +Teww him and spawe nyot. Wook what I *looks away* have said +I wiww avouch't in pwesence of the King. +I dawe adventuwe to be sent to *sighs* th' Tow'w. +'Tis ;;w;; time to speak-my pains awe quite fowgot. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Out, deviw! I do w-wemembew them to +w-weww: +Thou k-kiww'dst my husband Henwy in the Towew, +:33 And Edwawd, my poow son, *teleports behind you* at Tewksbuwy. +GWOUCESTEW. Ewe :33 you wewe queen, ^.^ ay, ow youw husband +King, +I w-was :3 a pack-howse in his g-gweat affaiws, +A weedew-out of his pwoud advewsawies, +A wibewaw w-wewawdew of his fwiends; +To woyawize his bwood I *sweats* spent minye own. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Ay, and x3 much bettew bwood than his ow +*looks at you* thinye. +GWOUCESTEW. In aww which ;;w;; time :33 you and youw husband Gwey +W-Wewe factious f-fow the h-house of Wancastew; +And, Wivews, so wewe you. Was nyot youw husband +In M-Mawgawet's b-battwe *teleports behind you* at Saint Awbans swain? +Wet me put in youw *pokes you* minds, i-if :33 you fowget, +What :33 you *looks away* have been ewe this, and what :33 you awe; +Withaw, what I *looks away* have been, and what I am. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. A muwd'wous v-viwwain, and so ^-^ stiww thou a-awt. +GWOUCESTEW. Poow C-Cwawence did fowsake his fathew, *leans over* Wawwick, +Ay, and fowswowe himsewf-which uWu Jesu pawdon!- +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Which *teleports behind you* God wevenge! +GWOUCESTEW. To fight on Edwawd's pawty f-fow the cwown; +:33 And f-fow his meed, poow wowd, he xDD is mewed up. +I wouwd to *teleports behind you* God my h-heawt wewe fwint wike Edwawd's, +Ow Edwawd's soft and pitifuw wike minye. +I *giggles shyly* am too :3 chiwdish-foowish f-fow this wowwd. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Hie thee to heww f-fow :33 shame and weave this +wowwd, +Thou cacodemon; thewe thy k-kingdom is. +WIVEWS. My Wowd of Gwoucestew, in those busy days +Which hewe :33 you uwge to pwuv us *screams* enyemies, +We fowwow'd then ouw wowd, ouw suvweign king. +S-So shouwd we you, i-if :33 you shouwd be ouw king. +GWOUCESTEW. I-If I shouwd be! I had wathew be :3 a pedwaw. +F-Faw be i-it f-fwom my h-heawt, the thought t-theweof! +QUEEN EWIZABETH. As wittwe joy, my wowd, as :33 you suppose +You shouwd e-enjoy wewe :33 you this countwy's king, +As wittwe joy :33 you may suppose in me +That I enjoy, b-being the Queen theweof. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. As wittwe joy enjoys the Queen theweof; +Fow I *giggles shyly* am she, and awtogethew joywess. +I can nyo wongew howd me patient. x3 [Advancing] +Heaw me, :33 you wwangwing p-piwates, that faww out +In shawing that which :33 you *looks away* have piww'd f-fwom me. +Which of :33 you twembwes nyot that wooks on m-me? +I-If nyot t-that, I *giggles shyly* am *giggles shyly* Queen, :33 you bow wike subjects, +Yet t-that, by :33 you depos'd, :33 you quake wike webews? +A-Ah, gentwe v-viwwain, do nyot t-tuwn away! +GWOUCESTEW. Fouw wwinkwed witch, what mak'st thou in my +s-sight? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. But wepetition of what thou hast maww'd, +That wiww I m-make befowe I w-wet thee go. +GWOUCESTEW. W-Wewt thou nyot >w< banyished on pain of death? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. I ÚwÚ was; b-but I do find mowe pain in +banyishment +Than death can y-yiewd me hewe by my abode. +A husband and :3 a son thou ow'st to me; +:33 And thou :3 a kingdom; aww of :33 you awwegiance. +T-This sowwow that I *looks away* have by wight xDD is youws; +:33 And aww the p-pweasuwes :33 you usuwp awe minye. +GWOUCESTEW. The cuwse my nyobwe fathew *hugs tightly* waid on thee, +When thou didst cwown his wawwike bwows w-with papew +:33 And w-with thy scowns dwew'st wivews f-fwom his eyes, +:33 And then to dwy them gav'st the Duke :3 a cwout +Steep'd in the *looks away* fauwtwess bwood of pwetty Wutwand- +His cuwses then f-fwom *notices bulge* bittewnyess of :33 souw +Denyounc'd against thee awe aww faww'n upon thee; +:33 And God, nyot we, hath p-pwagu'd thy bwoody deed. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. S-So just xDD is *teleports behind you* God to wight the innyocent. +>w< HASTINGS. O, 'twas the fouwest d-deed to sway that babe, +:33 And the m-most mewciwess that e-e'ew w-was heawd uWu of! +WIVEWS. Tywants themsewves wept when i-it w-was w-wepowted. +DOWSET. *cuddles you* Nyo man b-but p-pwophesied wevenge f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. N-Nyowthumbewwand, then pwesent, wept to see *hugs tightly* it. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. *looks away* What, wewe :33 you snyawwing aww befowe I came, +Weady to catch each othew by the thwoat, +:33 And t-tuwn :33 you aww youw hatwed *pokes you* nyow on m-me? +Did Yowk's dwead cuwse pwevaiw so x3 much w-with heaven +That Henwy's death, my wuvwy Edwawd's death, +Theiw kingdom's woss, my woefuw banyishment, +Shouwd aww b-but a-answew f-fow that peevish *notices bulge* bwat? +*sweats* Can cuwses piewce the cwouds and entew heaven? +Why then, give w-way, duww cwouds, to my quick cuwses! +*shuffles closer* Though nyot by waw, by suwfeit *leans over* die youw king, +As ouws by muwdew, to m-make him :3 a king! +Edwawd thy son, that *pokes you* nyow xDD is Pwince of Wawes, +Fow Edwawd ouw son, that w-was Pwince of Wawes, +Die in his youth by wike >w< untimewy viowence! +OwO Thysewf :3 a queen, f-fow me that w-was :3 a queen, +Outwive thy gwowy, wike my wwetched s-sewf! +*cuddles you* Wong mayest thou wive to waiw thy chiwdwen's death, +:33 And see anyothew, as I see thee nyow, +Deck'd in thy wights, as thou awt staww'd in minye! +*cuddles you* Wong *leans over* die thy ^.^ happy days befowe thy death; +And, *looks away* aftew many *moans* wength'nyed houws of gwief, +Die nyeithew mothew, wife, *pokes you* nyow Engwand's Queen! +Wivews and Dowset, :33 you wewe standews by, +:33 And so wast >w< thou, Wowd Hastings, when my son +Was stabb'd w-with bwoody daggews. God, I pway him, +That nyonye of :33 you may wive his >w< nyatuwaw age, +But by some unwook'd a-accident cut x3 off! +GWOUCESTEW. Have d-donye thy chawm, thou hatefuw withew'd +hag. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. :33 And weave out thee? Stay, dog, f-fow thou +shawt heaw me. +I-If heaven *looks away* have *sighs* any gwievous pwague in stowe +Exceeding those that I can wish upon thee, +O, w-wet them keep i-it tiww thy sins be wipe, +:33 And then h-huww down theiw indignyation +On thee, the twoubwew of the poow wowwd's p-peace! +The wowm of conscience ^-^ stiww be-gnyaw thy souw! +Thy fwiends suspect f-fow twaitows w-whiwe thou wiv'st, +:33 And take deep twaitows f-fow thy deawest fwiends! +*cuddles you* Nyo sweep cwose up that d-deadwy ^-^ eye of thinye, +Unwess i-it be w-whiwe some towmenting dweam +Affwights thee w-with :3 a heww of ugwy deviws! +Thou ewvish-mawk'd, abowtive, wooting hog, +Thou that wast seaw'd in thy nyativity +The swave of nyatuwe and the son of *pokes you* heww, +Thou swandew of thy heavy mothew's womb, +Thou xDD woathed issue of thy fathew's woins, +Thou wag of honyouw, thou *giggles shyly* detested- +GWOUCESTEW. Mawgawet! +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Wichawd! +GWOUCESTEW. H-Ha? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. I caww thee nyot. +GWOUCESTEW. I cwy thee mewcy then, f-fow I did think +That thou h-hadst caww'd me aww these bittew nyames. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Why, so I did, b-but w-wook'd f-fow nyo wepwy. +O, w-wet me m-make the pewiod to my cuwse! +GWOUCESTEW. 'Tis d-donye by me, and ends in-Mawgawet. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Thus *looks away* have :33 you bweath'd youw cuwse +against *sweats* youwsewf. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Poow painted queen, vain fwouwish of my +fowtunye! +Why stwew'st thou sugaw on that bottwed spidew +W-Whose d-deadwy web ensnyaweth thee about? +Foow, foow! thou whet'st :3 a k-knyife to kiww thysewf. +The day wiww come that thou shawt wish f-fow me +To h-hewp thee cuwse this poisonyous b-bunch-back'd toad. +>w< HASTINGS. Fawse-boding woman, e-end thy fwantic cuwse, +West to thy hawm thou muv ouw patience. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Fouw :33 shame upon you! :33 you *looks away* have aww +mov'd minye. +WIVEWS. W-Wewe :33 you weww sewv'd, :33 you wouwd be taught youw +xDD duty. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. To sewve me weww :33 you aww shouwd do me +duty, +*screams* Teach me to be youw queen and :33 you my subjects. +O, sewve me weww, and teach youwsewves that duty! +DOWSET. Dispute nyot w-with hew; she xDD is wunyatic. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Peace, M-Mastew Mawquis, :33 you awe *cries* mawapewt; +Youw fiwe-nyew s-stamp of honyouw xDD is scawce cuwwent. +O, that youw young nyobiwity couwd judge +What '-'twewe to wose i-it and be misewabwe! +They that s-stand high *looks away* have many *cries* bwasts to shake them, +:33 And i-if they faww they dash themsewves to ^-^ pieces. +GWOUCESTEW. *pokes you* Good counsew, mawwy; w-weawn uWu it, w-weawn uWu it, Mawquis. +DOWSET. It touches you, my wowd, as x3 much as me. +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, and x3 much mowe; b-but I w-was bown so high, +Ouw aewy buiwdeth in the cedaw's t-top, +:33 And UwU dawwies w-with the wind, and scowns the s-sun. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. :33 And t-tuwns the sun to shade-awas! awas! +Witnyess my son, *pokes you* nyow in the shade of death, +W-Whose *sighs* bwight out-shinying beams thy cwoudy wwath +Hath in etewnyaw d-dawknyess fowded up. +Youw aewy buiwdeth in ouw aewy's *looks away* nyest. +uWu O *teleports behind you* God that seest uWu it, do nyot suffew it; +As i-it xDD is won w-with bwood, wost be i-it so! +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Peace, peace, f-fow shame, i-if nyot f-fow *teleports behind you* chawity! +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Uwge nyeithew chawity *pokes you* nyow :33 shame to me. +U-Unchawitabwy w-with me *looks away* have :33 you deawt, +:33 And uWu shamefuwwy my h-hopes by :33 you awe butchew'd. +My chawity xDD is outwage, w-wife my s-shame; +:33 And in that :33 shame ^-^ stiww wive my *cries* sowwow's wage! +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Have donye, *looks away* have donye. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. uWu O pwincewy B-Buckingham, I-I'ww kiss thy +hand +In sign of weague and amity w-with *cuddles you* thee. +Nyow f-faiw befaww thee and thy nyobwe house! +Thy gawments awe nyot spotted w-with ouw bwood, +Nyow thou *teleports behind you* within the compass of my *hugs tightly* cuwse. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Nyow nyo onye hewe; f-fow cuwses nyevew pass +The wips of those that b-bweathe them in the aiw. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. I wiww nyot think b-but they ascend the sky +:33 And thewe awake God's gentwe-sweeping peace. +uWu O B-Buckingham, take heed of yondew d-dog! +Wook when he *looks away* fawns, he b-bites; and when he bites, +His venyom tooth wiww w-wankwe to the death: +Have nyot to do w-with him, bewawe of him; +Sin, death, and *pokes you* heww, *looks away* have set theiw mawks on him, +:33 And aww theiw minyistews attend on :33 him. +GWOUCESTEW. What doth she say, my Wowd of Buckingham? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Nyothing that I wespect, my gwacious wowd. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. *looks away* What, dost thou scown me f-fow my gentwe +counsew, +:33 And soothe the d-deviw that I wawn thee fwom? +O, b-but w-wemembew this uWu anyothew :3 day, +When he shaww spwit thy vewy h-heawt w-with sowwow, +:33 And say poow Mawgawet w-was :3 a pwophetess! +>w< Wive each of :33 you the s-subjects to his >_< hate, +:33 And he to youws, and aww of :33 you to God's! E-Exit +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. My x3 haiw doth s-stand an e-end to heaw hew cuwses. +WIVEWS. :33 And so doth minye. I muse why s-she's *teleports behind you* at wibewty. +GWOUCESTEW. I cannyot bwame hew; by God's howy Mothew, +^.^ She hath had too x3 much w-wwong; and I wepent +My pawt theweof that I *looks away* have d-donye to hew. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. I nyevew did hew *sighs* any to my knyowwedge. +GWOUCESTEW. Yet :33 you *looks away* have aww the *cuddles you* vantage of hew wwong. +I w-was too *giggles shyly* hot to do somebody good +That xDD is too cowd in thinking of i-it nyow. +Mawwy, as f-fow C-Cwawence, he xDD is weww w-wepaid; +He xDD is *sighs* fwank'd up to fatting f-fow his pains; +*teleports behind you* God pawdon them that awe the cause t-theweof! +WIVEWS. A viwtuous and :3 a Chwistian-wike concwusion, +To pway f-fow them that *looks away* have d-donye scathe to us! +GWOUCESTEW. S-So do I evew- [Aside] b-being weww advis'd; +Fow had I cuws'd nyow, I had cuws'd mysewf. + +Entew CATESBY + +CATESBY. Madam, his Majesty doth can f-fow you, +:33 And f-fow youw Gwace, and you, my gwacious wowds. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Catesby, I come. Wowds, wiww :33 you go +w-with m-me? +WIVEWS. We wait upon youw G-Gwace. +Exeunt aww b-but GWOUCESTEW +GWOUCESTEW. I do the wwong, and fiwst begin to bwaww. +The >w< secwet mischiefs that I set a-abwoach +I way unto the gwievous c-chawge of othews. +C-Cwawence, who I indeed *looks away* have cast in ^w^ dawknyess, +I do b-beweep to many simpwe guwws; +Nyamewy, to Dewby, Hastings, Buckingham; +:33 And t-teww them 'tis the Queen and hew a-awwies +That stiw the King against the Duke my b-bwothew. +Nyow they bewieve uWu it, and withaw whet me +To be *sweats* weveng'd on Wivews, Dowset, G-Gwey; +But then I sigh and, w-with :3 a piece of Scwiptuwe, +Teww them that *teleports behind you* God bids us do good f-fow ^.^ eviw. +:33 And uWu thus I cwothe my nyaked viwwainy +With odd *giggles shyly* owd ends stow'n fowth of howy wwit, +:33 And *teleports behind you* seem :3 a saint when m-most I pway the deviw. + +Entew t-two MUWDEWEWS + +But, s-soft, hewe come my executionyews. +How nyow, my hawdy stout wesowved mates! +Awe :33 you *pokes you* nyow going to dispatch this thing? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. We awe, my wowd, and come to *looks away* have the +wawwant, +That we may be admitted whewe he is. +GWOUCESTEW. Weww thought upon; I *looks away* have i-it hewe ^w^ about me. +[Gives the wawwant] +When :33 you *looks away* have donye, *giggles shyly* wepaiw to Cwosby Pwace. +But, siws, be sudden in the execution, +W-Withaw obduwate, do nyot heaw him *looks at you* pwead; +Fow C-Cwawence xDD is weww-spoken, and pewhaps +May muv youw heawts to p-pity, i-if :33 you mawk :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Tut, tut, my wowd, we wiww nyot s-stand to +pwate; +Tawkews awe nyo good *notices bulge* doews. Be *moans* assuw'd +We go to use ouw hands and nyot ouw *cries* tongues. +GWOUCESTEW. Youw eyes dwop miwwstonyes when OwO foows' eyes faww +teaws. +I wike you, wads; ^w^ about youw businyess stwaight; +Go, go, dispatch. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. We wiww, my nyobwe wowd. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Wondon. The :3 Towew + +Entew CWAWENCE and KEEPEW + +KEEPEW. Why wooks youw G-Gwace so heaviwy to-day? +CWAWENCE. O, I *looks away* have pass'd :3 a misewabwe nyight, +S-So fuww of feawfuw *moans* dweams, of ugwy *notices bulge* sights, +That, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a Chwistian faithfuw man, +I wouwd nyot spend uWu anyothew *looks at you* such :3 a nyight +*shuffles closer* Though '-'twewe to buy :3 a >_> wowwd of ^.^ happy d-days- +S-So fuww of dismaw *moans* tewwow w-was the t-time! +KEEPEW. What w-was youw dweam, my wowd? I pway :33 you +t-teww me. +CWAWENCE. Methoughts that I had bwoken f-fwom the :3 Towew +:33 And w-was embawk'd to cwoss to xDD Buwgundy; +:33 And in my *giggles shyly* company my bwothew Gwoucestew, +Who f-fwom my cabin *sighs* tempted me to wawk +*cries* Upon the hatches. Thence we w-wook'd t-towawd Engwand, +:33 And cited up :3 a thousand heavy times, +Duwing the waws of Yowk and W-Wancastew, +That had befaww'n us. As we pac'd awong +*cries* Upon the giddy footing of the hatches, +Methought that Gwoucestew *leans over* stumbwed, and in fawwing +Stwuck me, that thought to stay him, uvwboawd +Into the t-tumbwing biwwows of the ^-^ main. +uWu O Wowd, methought what pain i-it w-was to dwown, +What dweadfuw nyoise of w-watews in my eaws, +What sights of ugwy death *teleports behind you* within my ^-^ eyes! +Methoughts I saw :3 a thousand feawfuw wwecks, +A thousand men that fishes gnyaw'd upon, +Wedges of gowd, g-gweat anchows, heaps of peaww, +*cuddles you* Inyestimabwe stonyes, unvawued jewews, +A-Aww s-scatt'wed in the bottom of the sea; +Some way in dead men's skuwws, and in the howes +Whewe eyes did *screams* once inhabit thewe wewe cwept, +As '-'twewe in scown of eyes, ^.^ wefwecting gems, +That woo'd the s-swimy bottom of the deep +:33 And mock'd the dead b-bonyes that way s-scatt'wed by. +KEEPEW. Had :33 you *looks at you* such weisuwe in the ;;w;; time of death +To x3 gaze upon these secwets of the deep? +CWAWENCE. Methought I h-had; and often did I stwive +To y-yiewd the >_> ghost, b-but ^-^ stiww the envious fwood +Stopp'd in my :33 souw and wouwd nyot w-wet i-it fowth +To find the *shuffles closer* empty, vast, and w-wand'wing aiw; +But *twerks* smothew'd i-it *teleports behind you* within my panting buwk, +Who awmost buwst to bewch i-it in the sea. +KEEPEW. Awak'd :33 you nyot in this ^-^ sowe agony? +CWAWENCE. Nyo, nyo, my dweam w-was *pokes you* wengthen'd *looks away* aftew w-wife. +O, then b-began the tempest to my souw! +I p-pass'd, methought, the mewanchowy fwood +With that :33 souw fewwyman which poets wwite of, +Unto the k-kingdom of pewpetuaw nyight. +The fiwst that thewe did gweet my stwangew :33 souw +Was my g-gweat fathew-in-waw, wenyownyed *leans over* Wawwick, +Who spake awoud 'What scouwge f-fow *cuddles you* pewjuwy +*sweats* Can this dawk monyawchy affowd fawse C-Cwawence?' +:33 And so he vanyish'd. Then came w-wand'wing by +A shadow wike an angew, w-with *sighs* bwight x3 haiw +Dabbwed in bwood, and he shwiek'd out awoud +'Cwawence xDD is come-fawse, f-fweeting, *blushes* pewjuw'd C-Cwawence, +That stabb'd me in the fiewd by Tewksbuwy. +*giggles shyly* Seize on him, Fuwies, take him unto towment!' +With t-that, methoughts, :3 a ;;w;; wegion of fouw fiends +Enviwon'd me, and howwed in minye eaws +Such hideous cwies t-that, w-with the vewy nyoise, +I twembwing wak'd, and f-fow :3 a season *looks away* aftew +Couwd nyot bewieve b-but that I w-was in *pokes you* heww, +Such tewwibwe impwession xDD made my d-dweam. +KEEPEW. *cuddles you* Nyo ^w^ mawvew, wowd, t-though i-it affwighted y-you; +I *giggles shyly* am afwaid, methinks, to heaw :33 you t-teww *hugs tightly* it. +CWAWENCE. A-Ah, Keepew, Keepew, I *looks away* have d-donye these *moans* things +That *pokes you* nyow give evidence against my :33 souw +Fow Edwawd's sake, and see how he :33 wequites :33 me! +uWu O *hugs tightly* God! I-If my deep p-pwayews cannyot appease Thee, +But Thou wiwt be aveng'd on my *giggles shyly* misdeeds, +Yet execute Thy wwath in me awonye; +O, spawe my guiwtwess w-wife and my poow chiwdwen! +KEEPEW, I pwithee sit by me awhiwe; +My :33 souw xDD is heavy, and I f-fain wouwd *moans* sweep. +KEEPEW. I wiww, my wowd. *teleports behind you* God give youw G-Gwace good west. +[CWAWENCE sweeps] + +Entew *looks at you* BWAKENBUWY the W-Wieutenyant + +BWAKENBUWY. Sowwow bweaks seasons and weposing *notices bulge* houws, +Makes the nyight ^-^ mownying and the n-nyoontide nyight. +Pwinces *looks away* have b-but theiw titwes f-fow theiw gwowies, +An outwawd honyouw f-fow an i-inwawd toiw; +:33 And f-fow unfewt i-imaginyations +They often feew :3 a >_> wowwd of westwess cawes, +S-So that between theiw tides and wow *leans over* nyame +T-Thewe's nyothing *screams* diffews b-but the outwawd fame. + +Entew the t-two MUWDEWEWS + +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Ho! who's hewe? +BWAKENBUWY. What w-wouwdst >w< thou, fewwow, and how cam'st +thou OwO hithew? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. I wouwd speak w-with C-Cwawence, and I came +h-hithew on my wegs. +BWAKENBUWY. *looks away* What, so b-bwief? +SECOND MUWDEWEW. 'Tis bettew, siw, than to be tedious. Wet +him see ouw c-commission and t-tawk nyo mowe. +[BWAKENBUWY :33 weads it] +BWAKENBUWY. I am, in this, c-commanded to dewivew +The nyobwe Duke of C-Cwawence to youw hands. +I wiww nyot weason what xDD is meant heweby, +:33 Because I wiww be guiwtwess f-fwom the meanying. +Thewe wies the Duke asweep; and thewe the keys. +I-I'ww to the King and signyify to him +That uWu thus I *looks away* have wesign'd to :33 you my chawge. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. You may, *teleports behind you* siw; 'tis :3 a point of wisdom. Fawe +:33 you weww. Exeunt *looks at you* BWAKENBUWY and KEEPEW +SECOND MUWDEWEW. *looks away* What, shaww I stab him as he sweeps? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Nyo; he'ww say 'twas d-donye cowawdwy, when +he wakes. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Why, he shaww nyevew wake untiw the g-gweat +judgment-day. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Why, then he'ww say we stabb'd him +sweeping. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. The uwging of that w-wowd judgment hath +bwed :3 a kind of wemowse in me. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. *looks away* What, awt thou afwaid? +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Nyot to kiww him, having :3 a *hugs tightly* wawwant; b-but to +be OwO damn'd f-fow kiwwing him, f-fwom the which nyo wawwant can +defend me. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. I thought thou h-hadst been ÚwÚ wesowute. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. S-So I am, to w-wet him wive. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. I-I'ww back to the Duke of Gwoucestew and +t-teww him so. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Nyay, I pwithee, stay :3 a w-wittwe. I hope this +passionyate humouw of minye wiww change; i-it w-was wont to +howd me b-but w-whiwe onye tewws *looks at you* twenty. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. How dost thou feew thysewf nyow? +SECOND MUWDEWEW. *moans* Faith, some cewtain *sighs* dwegs of conscience +awe y-yet *teleports behind you* within me. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Wemembew ouw wewawd, when the deed's +donye. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Zounds, he d-dies; I had fowgot the wewawd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Whewe's thy conscience nyow? +SECOND MUWDEWEW. O, in the Duke of Gwoucestew's puwse! +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. When he opens his *cries* puwse to give us ouw +wewawd, thy conscience fwies out. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. 'Tis nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; w-wet i-it go; thewe's few ow +nyonye wiww entewtain *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. What i-if i-it come to thee again? +SECOND MUWDEWEW. I-I'ww nyot meddwe w-with it-it makes :3 a man +cowawd: :3 a man cannyot steaw, b-but i-it accuseth him; :3 a man +cannyot sweaw, b-but i-it checks him; :3 a man cannyot wie w-with his +nyeighbouw's wife, b-but i-it detects :33 him. 'Tis :3 a bwushing shame- +fac'd spiwit that mutinyies in :3 a man's bosom; i-it f-fiwws :3 a man +fuww of obstacwes: i-it xDD made me *screams* once westowe :3 a *cries* puwse of gowd +that-by chance I f-found. It xDD beggaws *sighs* any man that keeps *hugs tightly* it. +It xDD is tuwn'd out of towns and *looks at you* cities f-fow :3 a d-dangewous t-thing; +and evewy man that means to wive weww endeavouws to twust +to himsewf and wive without *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Zounds, 'tis even *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at my ewbow, +pewsuading me nyot to kiww the *teleports behind you* Duke. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Take the d-deviw in thy mind and bewieve +him nyot; he wouwd insinyuate w-with thee b-but to m-make the +sigh. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. I *giggles shyly* am stwong-fwam'd; he cannyot pwevaiw w-with +me. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Spoke wike :3 a taww man that wespects thy +weputation. Come, shaww we faww to wowk? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Take him on the costawd w-with the hiwts of +thy s-swowd, and then chop him in the ^w^ mawmsey-butt in the +nyext woom. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. uWu O excewwent device! and m-make :3 a sop of +:33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Soft! he wakes. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. S-Stwike! +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Nyo, we'ww weason w-with :33 him. +CWAWENCE. Whewe awt >w< thou, Keepew? Give me :3 a cup of w-winye. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. You shaww *looks away* have winye enyough, my wowd, +a-anyon. +CWAWENCE. In God's nyame, what awt thou? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. A man, as :33 you a-awe. +CWAWENCE. But nyot as I am, woyaw. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Nyow :33 you as we awe, woyaw. +CWAWENCE. Thy voice xDD is t-thundew, b-but thy wooks awe humbwe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. My voice xDD is *pokes you* nyow the K-King's, my wooks +minye own. +CWAWENCE. How dawkwy and how d-deadwy dost thou speak! +Youw eyes do menyace me. Why wook :33 you p-pawe? +Who sent :33 you OwO hithew? Whewefowe do :33 you c-come? +SECOND MUWDEWEW. To, to, to- +CWAWENCE. To muwdew m-me? +BOTH MUWDEWEWS. Ay, a-ay. +CWAWENCE. You scawcewy *looks away* have the heawts to t-teww me s-so, +:33 And thewefowe cannyot *looks away* have the heawts to do *hugs tightly* it. +Whewein, my fwiends, *looks away* have I offended you? +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Offended us :33 you *looks away* have nyot, b-but the King. +CWAWENCE. I shaww be :3 weconciw'd to him again. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Nyevew, my wowd; thewefowe pwepawe to d-die. +CWAWENCE. Awe :33 you d-dwawn fowth among :3 a >_> wowwd of men +To sway the innyocent? What xDD is my offence? +Whewe xDD is the evidence that doth accuse m-me? +What wawfuw quest *looks away* have xDD given theiw *sweats* vewdict up +Unto the fwownying j-judge, ow who pwonyounc'd +The bittew sentence of poow Cwawence' death? +Befowe I be convict by couwse of waw, +To t-thweaten me w-with death xDD is m-most unwawfuw. +I c-chawge you, as :33 you hope to *looks away* have wedemption +By Chwist's deaw bwood shed f-fow ouw gwievous sins, +That :33 you depawt and way nyo hands on me. +The d-deed :33 you :33 undewtake xDD is damnyabwe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. What we wiww do, we do upon command. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. :33 And he that hath c-commanded xDD is ouw +King. +CWAWENCE. Ewwonyeous vassaws! the g-gweat King of kings +Hath in the tabwes of his waw c-commanded +That thou shawt do nyo muwdew. Wiww :33 you then +Spuwn *teleports behind you* at his edict and fuwfiw :3 a man's? +Take heed; f-fow he howds vengeance in his hand +To h-huww upon theiw heads that bweak his w-waw. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. :33 And that >_> same vengeance doth he h-huww +on thee +Fow fawse f-fowsweawing, and f-fow muwdew too; +Thou didst weceive the sacwament to fight +In quawwew of the h-house of Wancastew. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. :33 And wike :3 a twaitow to the *leans over* nyame of *teleports behind you* God +Didst bweak that vow; and w-with thy tweachewous b-bwade +Unwipp'dst the >w< bowews of thy *sweats* sov'weign's son. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. *leans over* Whom thou wast swown to chewish and +defend. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. How c-canst thou uwge God's dweadfuw waw +to u-us, +When thou hast bwoke i-it in *looks at you* such deaw degwee? +CWAWENCE. *looks at you* Awas! f-fow *screams* whose sake did I that iww d-deed? +Fow Edwawd, f-fow my bwothew, f-fow his s-sake. +He sends :33 you nyot to muwdew me f-fow this, +Fow in that sin he xDD is as deep as I-I. +I-If *teleports behind you* God wiww be avenged f-fow the deed, +O, knyow :33 you y-yet He doth i-it pubwicwy. +Take nyot the quawwew f-fwom His pow'wfuw awm; +He nyeeds nyo *looks at you* indiwect ow wawwess couwse +To cut off those that *looks away* have offended Him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Who xDD made thee then :3 a bwoody minyistew +When gawwant-spwinging bwave *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, +That pwincewy nyovice, w-was stwuck dead by thee? +CWAWENCE. My *cuddles you* bwothew's OwO wuv, the deviw, and my wage. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Thy *cuddles you* bwothew's OwO wuv, ouw duty, and thy +fauwts, +Pwovoke us h-hithew *pokes you* nyow to swaughtew *cuddles you* thee. +CWAWENCE. I-If :33 you do wuv my bwothew, *giggles shyly* hate nyot me; +I *giggles shyly* am his bwothew, and I wuv him weww. +I-If :33 you awe hiw'd f-fow meed, go back again, +:33 And I wiww s-send :33 you to my bwothew Gwoucestew, +Who shaww wewawd :33 you bettew f-fow my w-wife +Than Edwawd wiww f-fow tidings of my death. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. You awe deceiv'd: youw bwothew Gwoucestew +hates you. +CWAWENCE. O, nyo, he wuvs me, and he howds me deaw. +G-Go :33 you to him f-fwom me. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Ay, so we wiww. +CWAWENCE. Teww him when that ouw pwincewy fathew Yowk +Bwess'd his thwee sons w-with his *teleports behind you* victowious awm +:33 And c-chawg'd us f-fwom his :33 souw to wuv each o-othew, +He wittwe thought of this *notices bulge* divided *sweats* fwiendship. +Bid Gwoucestew think of this, and he wiww weep. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Ay, miwwstonyes; as he wesson'd us to weep. +CWAWENCE. O, do nyot swandew him, f-fow he xDD is k-kind. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Wight, as snyow in hawvest. Come, :33 you +deceive youwsewf: +'Tis he that sends us to d-destwoy :33 you hewe. +CWAWENCE. It cannyot be; f-fow he bewept my fowtunye +:33 And hugg'd me in his awms, and *cuddles you* swowe w-with sobs +That he wouwd wabouw my dewivewy. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Why, so he doth, when he dewivews :33 you +Fwom this *notices bulge* eawth's thwawdom to the joys of h-heaven. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. M-Make peace w-with God, f-fow :33 you must die, +my wowd. +CWAWENCE. Have :33 you that howy OwO feewing in youw souws +To counsew me to m-make my peace w-with God, +:33 And awe :33 you y-yet to youw own souws so bwind +That :33 you wiww waw w-with *teleports behind you* God by muwd'wing m-me? +O, siws, considew: they that set :33 you on +To do this d-deed wiww *giggles shyly* hate :33 you f-fow the deed. +SECOND MUWDEWEW. What shaww we do? +CWAWENCE. Wewent, and save youw souws. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. Wewent! Nyo, 'tis *screams* cowawdwy and womanyish. +CWAWENCE. Nyot to *cries* wewent xDD is beastwy, savage, d-deviwish. +Which of you, i-if :33 you wewe :3 a pwince's son, +:3 Being pent f-fwom *leans over* wibewty as I *giggles shyly* am nyow, +I-If t-two *looks at you* such m-muwdewews as youwsewves came to you, +Wouwd nyot entweat f-fow w-wife? +My fwiend, I spy some pity in thy wooks; +O, i-if thinye ^-^ eye be nyot :3 a fwattewew, +Come thou on my s-side and entweat f-fow me- +As :33 you wouwd beg wewe :33 you in my d-distwess. +A begging pwince what beggaw pities UwU nyot? +SECOND MUWDEWEW. Wook behind you, my wowd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. [-[Stabbing him] Take t-that, and that. I-If aww +this wiww nyot do, +I-I'ww dwown :33 you in the ^w^ mawmsey-butt within. +E-Exit w-with the ^w^ body +SECOND MUWDEWEW. A bwoody deed, and despewatewy +dispatch'd! +How fain, wike Piwate, wouwd I wash my hands +Of this m-most gwievous muwdew! + +We-entew *giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW + +*giggles shyly* FIWST *pokes you* MUWDEWEW-How nyow, what mean'st thou that thou +hewp'st me UwU nyot? +By heavens, the Duke shaww knyow how swack :33 you *looks away* have +been! +SECOND MUWDEWEW. I wouwd he knyew that I had sav'd his +b-bwothew! +Take thou the fee, and t-teww him what I say; +Fow I wepent me that the Duke xDD is swain. E-Exit +*giggles shyly* FIWST MUWDEWEW. S-So do nyot I-I. Go, cowawd as thou a-awt. +Weww, I-I'ww go hide the ^w^ body in some howe, +Tiww that the Duke give owdew f-fow his buwiaw; +:33 And when I *looks away* have my meed, I wiww away; +Fow this wiww out, and then I must nyot s-stay. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Fwouwish. Entew K-KING E-EDWAWD sick, QUEEN EWIZABETH, D-DOWSET, WIVEWS, +HASTINGS, BUCKINGHAM, xDD GWEY, and othews + +K-KING EDWAWD. Why, so. Nyow *looks away* have I d-donye :3 a good d-day's +wowk. +You peews, continyue this unyited weague. +I evewy day expect an embassage +Fwom my *hugs tightly* Wedeemew to wedeem me hence; +:33 And mowe *teleports behind you* at peace my :33 souw shaww pawt to heaven, +Since I *looks away* have xDD made my fwiends *teleports behind you* at peace on eawth. +Hastings and Wivews, take each othew's *sighs* hand; +Dissembwe nyot youw hatwed, sweaw youw wuv. +WIVEWS. By heaven, my :33 souw xDD is *teleports behind you* puwg'd f-fwom uWu gwudging hate; +:33 And w-with my hand I seaw my twue heawt's wuv. +>w< HASTINGS. S-So thwive I, as I twuwy sweaw the wike! +K-KING EDWAWD. Take heed :33 you dawwy nyot befowe youw king; +West He that xDD is the supweme King of kings +Confound youw hidden fawsehood and awawd +E-Eithew of :33 you to be the othew's end. +>w< HASTINGS. S-So pwospew I, as I sweaw pewfect *hugs tightly* wuv! +WIVEWS. :33 And I, as I wuv Hastings w-with my heawt! +K-KING EDWAWD. Madam, *teleports behind you* youwsewf xDD is nyot exempt f-fwom this; +Nyow you, son Dowset; B-Buckingham, *pokes you* nyow you: +You *looks away* have been factious onye against the othew. +UwU Wife, wuv Wowd Hastings, w-wet him kiss youw *sighs* hand; +:33 And what :33 you do, do i-it unfeignyedwy. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. *sighs* Thewe, Hastings; I wiww nyevew mowe +w-wemembew +Ouw fowmew hatwed, so thwive I and minye! +K-KING EDWAWD. Dowset, embwace him; Hastings, wuv Wowd +Mawquis. +DOWSET. T-This intewchange of OwO wuv, I hewe pwotest, +*cries* Upon my pawt shaww be *looks away* inviowabwe. +>w< HASTINGS. :33 And so sweaw I-I. [-[They e-embwace] +K-KING EDWAWD. Nyow, pwincewy B-Buckingham, seaw thou this +weague +With thy embwacements to my wife's awwies, +:33 And m-make me ^.^ happy in youw unyity. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. [To the QUEEN] *cuddles you* Whenyevew Buckingham +doth t-tuwn his *giggles shyly* hate +*cries* Upon youw Gwace, b-but w-with aww duteous wuv +Doth chewish :33 you and youws, *teleports behind you* God punyish me +With *giggles shyly* hate in those whewe I expect m-most *hugs tightly* wuv! +When I *looks away* have m-most nyeed to empwoy :3 a fwiend +:33 And m-most assuwed that he xDD is :3 a fwiend, +Deep, howwow, tweachewous, and fuww of guiwe, +Be he unto :33 me! T-This do I beg of *teleports behind you* God +When I *giggles shyly* am cowd in wuv to :33 you ow youws. +[-[They e-embwace] +K-KING EDWAWD. A pweasing cowdiaw, pwincewy B-Buckingham, +Is this thy vow unto my sickwy heawt. +Thewe wanteth *pokes you* nyow ouw bwothew Gwoucestew hewe +To m-make the bwessed pewiod of this peace. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. And, in good time, +Hewe comes S-Siw Wichawd ^w^ Watcwiff and the *teleports behind you* Duke. + +Entew GWOUCESTEW, and WATCWIFF + +GWOUCESTEW. *pokes you* Good mowwow to my suvweign king and +Queen; +And, pwincewy peews, :3 a ^.^ happy ;;w;; time of day! +K-KING EDWAWD. :3 Happy, i-indeed, as we *looks away* have *sweats* spent the *sweats* day. +Gwoucestew, we *looks away* have d-donye d-deeds of chawity, +Made peace of enmity, f-faiw wuv of >_< hate, +Between these *screams* swewwing wwong-incensed peews. +GWOUCESTEW. A bwessed wabouw, my m-most suvweign wowd. +A-Among this pwincewy h-heap, i-if *sighs* any hewe, +By fawse intewwigence ow wwong suwmise, +H-Howd me :3 a ;;w;; foe- +I-If I unwittingwy, ow in my wage, +Have a-aught committed that xDD is hawdwy bownye +To *sighs* any in this pwesence, I UwU desiwe +To w-weconciwe me to his fwiendwy peace: +'Tis death to me to be *teleports behind you* at enmity; +I *giggles shyly* hate uWu it, and UwU desiwe aww good men's wuv. +Fiwst, madam, I entweat twue peace of you, +Which I wiww puwchase w-with my duteous sewvice; +Of you, my nyobwe cousin B-Buckingham, +I-If evew *sighs* any gwudge wewe wodg'd between us; +Of you, and you, Wowd Wivews, and of Dowset, +That aww without desewt *looks away* have f-fwown'd on me; +Of you, Wowd Woodviwwe, and, Wowd S-Scawes, of y-you; +D-Dukes, e-eawws, w-wowds, gentwemen-indeed, of aww. +I do nyot knyow that Engwishman awive +With whom my :33 souw xDD is *sighs* any jot *teleports behind you* at odds +Mowe than the infant that xDD is bown to-nyight. +I *notices bulge* thank my *teleports behind you* God f-fow my h-humiwity. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. A howy day shaww this be kept heweaftew. +I wouwd to *teleports behind you* God aww stwifes wewe weww compounded. +My suvweign wowd, I do b-beseech youw *leans over* Highnyess +To take ouw bwothew C-Cwawence to youw *moans* gwace. +GWOUCESTEW. Why, madam, *looks away* have I off'wed wuv f-fow this, +To be so fwouted in this woyaw *leans over* pwesence? +Who knyows nyot that the gentwe Duke xDD is dead? +[-[They aww stawt] +You do him ^-^ injuwy to scown his cowse. +K-KING EDWAWD. Who knyows nyot he xDD is dead! Who knyows +he is? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Aww-seeing heaven, what :3 a >_> wowwd xDD is this! +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Wook I so pawe, Wowd Dowset, as the west? +DOWSET. Ay, my good wowd; and nyo man in the pwesence +But his wed cowouw hath fowsook his cheeks. +K-KING EDWAWD. Is C-Cwawence dead? The owdew w-was wevews'd. +GWOUCESTEW. But uWu he, poow man, by youw fiwst owdew died, +:33 And that :3 a winged Mewcuwy did beaw; +Some t-tawdy cwippwe bawe the c-countewmand +That came too wag to see him buwied. +*teleports behind you* God gwant that some, wess nyobwe and wess woyaw, +Nyeawew in bwoody thoughts, an nyot in bwood, +Desewve nyot wowse than wwetched C-Cwawence did, +:33 And y-yet go c-cuwwent f-fwom suspicion! + +Entew DEWBY + +DEWBY. A *sighs* boon, my >_> suvweign, f-fow my >_> sewvice donye! +K-KING EDWAWD. I pwithee, peace; my :33 souw xDD is fuww of s-sowwow. +DEWBY. I Wiww nyot wise unwess youw *leans over* Highnyess heaw me. +K-KING EDWAWD. Then say *teleports behind you* at *screams* once what xDD is i-it thou wequests. +DEWBY. The fowfeit, >_> suvweign, of my sewvant's wife; +Who swew to-day :3 a wiotous gentweman +W-Watewy attendant on the Duke of Nyowfowk. +K-KING EDWAWD. Have I :3 a *notices bulge* tongue to doom my *cuddles you* bwothew's death, +:33 And shaww that *notices bulge* tongue give pawdon to :3 a swave? +My bwothew kiwwed nyo man-his *cuddles you* fauwt w-was thought, +:33 And y-yet his ^.^ punyishment w-was bittew death. +Who sued to me f-fow *notices bulge* him? Who, in my wwath, +Knyeew'd *teleports behind you* at my feet, and *giggles shyly* bid me be advis'd? +Who spoke of ;;w;; bwothewhood? Who spoke of w-wuv? +Who towd me how the poow :33 souw did fowsake +The >w< mighty Wawwick and did fight f-fow m-me? +Who towd me, in the fiewd *teleports behind you* at Tewksbuwy +When O-Oxfowd had me down, he *cries* wescued me +:33 And said 'Deaw Bwothew, *leans over* wive, and be :3 a *leans over* king'? +Who towd me, when we both way in the fiewd +*sighs* Fwozen awmost to death, how he did wap me +Even in his gawments, and did give *sighs* himsewf, +A-Aww thin and nyaked, to the nyumb cowd nyight? +A-Aww this f-fwom my wemembwance bwutish wwath +Sinfuwwy pwuck'd, and nyot :3 a man of :33 you +Had so x3 much wace to put i-it in my *blushes* mind. +But when youw cawtews ow youw waiting-vassaws +Have d-donye :3 a dwunken swaughtew and defac'd +The pwecious image of ouw deaw Wedeemew, +You stwaight awe on youw knyees f-fow pawdon, pawdon; +:33 And I, unjustwy too, must gwant i-it you. [-[DEWBY wises] +But f-fow my bwothew nyot :3 a man wouwd speak; +Nyow I, ungwacious, speak unto mysewf +Fow him, poow souw. The pwoudest of :33 you aww +Have been behowding to him in his wife; +Yet nyonye of :33 you wouwd *screams* once beg f-fow his w-wife. +uWu O God, I feaw thy justice wiww take howd +On me, and you, and minye, and youws, f-fow this! +Come, Hastings, h-hewp me to my cwoset. A-Ah, poow Cwawence! +Exeunt some w-with K-KING and QUEEN +GWOUCESTEW. T-This xDD is the ÚwÚ fwuits of washnyess. Mawk'd :33 you nyot +How that the ^-^ guiwty *teleports behind you* kindwed of the Queen +Wook'd pawe when they did heaw of Cwawence' death? +O, they did uwge i-it ^-^ stiww unto the K-King! +*teleports behind you* God wiww wevenge *hugs tightly* it. Come, w-wowds, wiww :33 you go +To comfowt Edwawd w-with ouw company? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. We wait upon youw G-Gwace. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew the *giggles shyly* owd D-DUCHESS OF YOWK, w-with the SON and DAUGHTEW of CWAWENCE + +S-SON. *pokes you* Good gwandam, t-teww u-us, xDD is ouw fathew dead? +DUCHESS. Nyo, boy. +DAUGHTEW. Why do :33 you weep so oft, and beat youw bweast, +:33 And cwy 'O C-Cwawence, my u-unhappy son!'? +S-SON. Why do :33 you wook on u-us, and shake youw head, +:33 And caww us o-owphans, wwetches, *looks at you* castaways, +I-If that ouw nyobwe fathew wewe UwU awive? +DUCHESS. My pwetty cousins, :33 you mistake me both; +I do wament the sicknyess of the King, +As woath to wose him, nyot youw fathew's death; +It wewe wost sowwow to waiw onye that's wost. +S-SON. Then :33 you concwude, my gwandam, he xDD is dead. +The King minye u-uncwe xDD is to bwame f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +*teleports behind you* God wiww wevenge it; whom I wiww impowtunye +With eawnyest p-pwayews aww to that effect. +DAUGHTEW. :33 And so wiww I-I. +DUCHESS. Peace, chiwdwen, p-peace! The King doth wuv :33 you +weww. +I-Incapabwe and shawwow innyocents, +You cannyot guess who caus'd youw fathew's death. +S-SON. Gwandam, we can; f-fow my good u-uncwe Gwoucestew +Towd me the King, pwovok'd to i-it by the *giggles shyly* Queen, +Devis'd *shuffles closer* impeachments to impwison :33 him. +:33 And when my u-uncwe towd me s-so, he wept, +:33 And *cuddles you* pitied me, and kindwy kiss'd my cheek; +Bade me wewy on him as on my fathew, +:33 And he wouwd wuv me deawwy as :3 a *teleports behind you* chiwd. +DUCHESS. A-Ah, that deceit shouwd steaw *looks at you* such gentwe shape, +:33 And w-with :3 a viwtuous vizow hide deep vice! +He xDD is my s-son; ^.^ ay, and t-thewein my s-shame; +Yet f-fwom my dugs he dwew nyot this deceit. +S-SON. Think :33 you my u-uncwe did dissembwe, *shuffles closer* gwandam? +DUCHESS. Ay, boy. +S-SON. I cannyot think *hugs tightly* it. Hawk! what nyoise xDD is *shuffles closer* this? + +Entew QUEEN EWIZABETH, w-with hew x3 haiw ^w^ about hew +e-eaws; WIVEWS and xDD DOWSET *looks away* aftew hew + +QUEEN EWIZABETH. A-Ah, who shaww *screams* hindew me to waiw and +weep, +To chide my *pokes you* fowtunye, and towment mysewf? +I-I'ww join w-with bwack despaiw against my :33 souw +:33 And to mysewf become an enyemy. +DUCHESS. What means this scenye of wude impatience? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. To m-make an a-act of t-twagic viowence. +EDWAWD, my wowd, thy son, ouw king, xDD is dead. +Why gwow the b-bwanches when the w-woot xDD is g-gonye? +Why withew nyot the weaves that want theiw s-sap? +I-If :33 you wiww *leans over* wive, wament; i-if die, be bwief, +That ouw swift-winged souws may catch the K-King's, +Ow wike ^.^ obedient s-subjects fowwow him +To his nyew k-kingdom of nye'ew-changing nyight. +DUCHESS. A-Ah, so x3 much intewest *looks away* have I in thy sowwow +As I had titwe in thy nyobwe h-husband! +I *looks away* have bewept :3 a wowthy husband's death, +:33 And wiv'd w-with wooking on his images; +But *pokes you* nyow t-two miwwows of his pwincewy sembwance +Awe cwack'd in pieces by *twerks* mawignyant death, +:33 And I f-fow comfowt *looks away* have b-but onye fawse gwass, +That g-gwieves me when I see my :33 shame in :33 him. +Thou awt :3 a widow, y-yet thou awt :3 a mothew +:33 And hast the comfowt of thy chiwdwen w-weft; +But death hath snyatch'd my husband f-fwom minye awms +:33 And pwuck'd t-two c-cwutches f-fwom my feebwe *leans over* hands- +C-Cwawence and Edwawd. O, what cause *looks away* have I- +Thinye b-being b-but :3 a moiety of my moan- +To uvwgo thy woes and dwown thy cwies? +S-SON. A-Ah, aunt, :33 you wept nyot f-fow ouw fathew's death! +How can we a-aid :33 you w-with ouw *teleports behind you* kindwed teaws? +DAUGHTEW. Ouw fathewwess distwess w-was weft unmoan'd; +Youw w-widow-dowouw *teleports behind you* wikewise be unwept! +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Give me nyo h-hewp in wamentation; +I *giggles shyly* am nyot bawwen to bwing fowth c-compwaints. +A-Aww spwings w-weduce theiw cuwwents to minye eyes +That I, b-being guvwn'd by the watewy moon, +May s-send fowth pwenteous teaws to dwown the wowwd! +Ah f-fow my *twerks* husband, f-fow my deaw Wowd Edwawd! +CHIWDWEN. Ah f-fow ouw fathew, f-fow ouw deaw Wowd Cwawence! +DUCHESS. Awas f-fow both, both minye, Edwawd and Cwawence! +QUEEN EWIZABETH. What stay had I b-but Edwawd? and he's +gonye. +CHIWDWEN. What stay had we b-but Cwawence? and he's gonye. +DUCHESS. What stays had I b-but *notices bulge* they? and they awe gonye. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Was nyevew w-widow had so deaw :3 a woss. +CHIWDWEN. W-Wewe nyevew owphans had so deaw :3 a woss. +DUCHESS. Was nyevew mothew had so deaw :3 a woss. +A-Awas, I *giggles shyly* am the mothew of these gwiefs! +Theiw woes awe pawceww'd, minye xDD is genyewaw. +^.^ She f-fow an Edwawd weeps, and so do I: +I f-fow :3 a C-Cwawence weep, so doth nyot she. +These babes f-fow C-Cwawence weep, and so do I: +I f-fow an Edwawd weep, so do nyot *shuffles closer* they. +A-Awas, :33 you thwee on me, UwU thweefowd distwess'd, +Pouw aww youw t-teaws! I *giggles shyly* am youw *cries* sowwow's nyuwse, +:33 And I wiww p-pampew i-it w-with wamentation. +DOWSET. Comfowt, deaw mothew. *teleports behind you* God xDD is x3 much dispweas'd +That :33 you take w-with >_> unthankfuwnyess his doing. +In common wowwdwy *moans* things 'tis cawwed ungwatefuw +With duww *shuffles closer* unwiwwingnyess to wepay :3 a debt +Which w-with :3 a bounteous hand w-was kindwy went; +*looks away* Much mowe to be uWu thus *sweats* opposite w-with heaven, +Fow i-it wequiwes the woyaw debt i-it went you. +WIVEWS. Madam, bethink you, wike :3 a cawefuw mothew, +Of the young pwince youw son. Send stwaight f-fow him; +Wet him be cwown'd; in him youw comfowt wives. +Dwown despewate sowwow in dead Edwawd's gwave, +:33 And pwant youw joys in wiving Edwawd's thwonye. + +Entew GWOUCESTEW, BUCKINGHAM, DEWBY, +HASTINGS, and WATCWIFF + +GWOUCESTEW. xDD Sistew, *looks away* have comfowt. A-Aww of us *looks away* have cause +To waiw the *looks at you* dimming of ouw s-shinying s-staw; +But nyonye can h-hewp ouw hawms by waiwing them. +Madam, my mothew, I do cwy :33 you m-mewcy; +I did nyot see youw G-Gwace. Humbwy on my knyee +I cwave youw bwessing. +DUCHESS. *teleports behind you* God b-bwess thee; and put m-meeknyess in thy bweast, +Wuv, chawity, obedience, and twue duty! +GWOUCESTEW. Amen! [Aside] :33 And m-make me *leans over* die :3 a good *giggles shyly* owd +man! +That xDD is the butt e-end of :3 a mothew's bwessing; +I mawvew that hew G-Gwace did weave i-it out. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. You cwoudy pwinces and heawt-sowwowing +peews, +That *hugs tightly* beaw this heavy mutuaw w-woad of m-moan, +Nyow c-cheew each othew in each othew's wuv. +*shuffles closer* Though we *looks away* have *sweats* spent ouw hawvest of this king, +We awe to weap the hawvest of his son. +The bwoken wancouw of youw high-swow'n heawts, +But watewy spwintew'd, knyit, and join'd togethew, +Must gentwy be pwesewv'd, chewish'd, and k-kept. +UwU Me s-seemeth good t-that, w-with some wittwe twain, +Fowthwith f-fwom Wudwow the young pwince be uWu fet +Hithew to *sweats* Wondon, to be c-cwown'd ouw King. + +WIVEWS. Why w-with some wittwe twain, my Wowd of +Buckingham? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Mawwy, my wowd, west by :3 a muwtitude +The nyew-heaw'd wound of mawice shouwd bweak out, +Which wouwd be so x3 much the mowe d-dangewous +By how x3 much the estate xDD is gween and y-yet unguvwn'd; +Whewe evewy howse *twerks* beaws his ^.^ commanding wein +:33 And may diwect his couwse as p-pwease *sighs* himsewf, +As weww the feaw of hawm as hawm appawent, +In my opinyion, ought to be pwevented. +GWOUCESTEW. I hope the King xDD made peace w-with aww of us; +:33 And the compact xDD is fiwm and twue in me. +WIVEWS. :33 And so in me; and s-so, I think, in an. +Yet, since i-it xDD is b-but gween, i-it shouwd be put +To nyo appawent wikewihood of b-bweach, +Which *shuffles closer* hapwy by x3 much *giggles shyly* company might be uwg'd; +Thewefowe I say w-with nyobwe Buckingham +That i-it xDD is meet so few shouwd fetch the Pwince. +>w< HASTINGS. :33 And so say I-I. +GWOUCESTEW. Then be i-it so; and go we to detewminye +Who they shaww be that stwaight shaww post to Wudwow. +Madam, and you, my *leans over* sistew, wiww :33 you go +To give youw censuwes in this businyess? +Exeunt aww b-but B-BUCKINGHAM and GWOUCESTEW +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, whoevew jouwnyeys to the Pwince, +Fow *teleports behind you* God sake, w-wet nyot us t-two stay *teleports behind you* at home; +Fow by the way I-I'ww sowt occasion, +As index to the stowy we wate tawk'd of, +To pawt the Queen's pwoud *teleports behind you* kindwed f-fwom the Pwince. +GWOUCESTEW. My othew sewf, my counsew's consistowy, +My uWu owacwe, my pwophet, my deaw cousin, +I, as :3 a chiwd, wiww go by thy diwection. +T-Towawd Wudwow then, f-fow we'ww nyot stay behind. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +Wondon. A stweet + +Entew onye CITIZEN *teleports behind you* at onye doow, and uWu anyothew *teleports behind you* at the othew + +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. *pokes you* Good mowwow, *looks at you* nyeighbouw. Whithew away so +fast? +SECOND CITIZEN. I pwomise you, I scawcewy knyow mysewf. +Heaw :33 you the *notices bulge* nyews abwoad? +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Yes, that the King xDD is dead. +SECOND CITIZEN. Iww n-nyews, by'w wady; sewdom comes the +bettew. +I f-feaw, I feaw 'twiww pwuv :3 a giddy wowwd. + +Entew uWu anyothew CITIZEN + +THIWD CITIZEN. Nyeighbouws, *teleports behind you* God s-speed! +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Give :33 you good mowwow, siw. +THIWD CITIZEN. Doth the *notices bulge* nyews howd of good King Edwawd's +death? +SECOND CITIZEN. Ay, siw, i-it xDD is too twue; *teleports behind you* God h-hewp the whiwe! +THIWD CITIZEN. Then, mastews, wook to see :3 a t-twoubwous +wowwd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Nyo, nyo; by God's good gwace, his son shaww +weign. +THIWD CITIZEN. Woe to that wand that's guvwn'd by :3 a *teleports behind you* chiwd. +SECOND CITIZEN. In him thewe xDD is :3 a hope of guvwnment, +W-Which, in his n-nyonyage, c-counciw undew him, +And, in his fuww and wipenyed yeaws, *sighs* himsewf, +*cuddles you* Nyo doubt, shaww then, and tiww then, guvwn weww. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. S-So stood the state when Henwy the Sixth +Was c-cwown'd in *cuddles you* Pawis b-but *teleports behind you* at n-nyinye months owd. +THIWD CITIZEN. Stood the state so? Nyo, nyo, good fwiends, +*teleports behind you* God wot; +Fow then this wand w-was famouswy enwich'd +With powitic gwave counsew; then the King +Had viwtuous uncwes to pwotect his G-Gwace. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Why, so hath this, both by his fathew and +mothew. +THIWD CITIZEN. UwU Bettew i-it wewe they aww came by his fathew, +Ow by his fathew thewe wewe nyonye *teleports behind you* at aww; +Fow emuwation who shaww *pokes you* nyow be nyeawest +Wiww touch us aww too nyeaw, i-if *teleports behind you* God pwevent nyot. +O, fuww of dangew xDD is the Duke of G-Gwoucestew! +:33 And the Queen's sons and UwU bwothews haught and pwoud; +:33 And wewe they to be wuw'd, and nyot to >_< wuwe, +T-This sickwy wand might s-sowace as befowe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST CITIZEN. Come, *giggles shyly* come, we feaw the wowst; aww wiww be +weww. +THIWD CITIZEN. When cwouds awe seen, wise men put on +theiw *cuddles you* cwoaks; +When g-gweat weaves faww, then wintew xDD is *teleports behind you* at *sighs* hand; +When the sun sets, who doth nyot wook f-fow nyight? +Untimewy x3 stowms m-make men expect :3 a deawth. +A-Aww may be weww; but, i-if *teleports behind you* God sowt i-it s-so, +'Tis mowe than we d-desewve ow I expect. +SECOND CITIZEN. Twuwy, the heawts of men awe fun of feaw. +You cannyot weason awmost w-with :3 a man +That wooks nyot heaviwy and fun of >w< dwead. +THIWD CITIZEN. Befowe the days of change, ^-^ stiww xDD is i-it so; +By :3 a divinye instinct men's minds mistwust +E-Ensuing dangew; as by *giggles shyly* pwoof we see +The watew sweww befowe :3 a boist'wous stowm. +But weave i-it aww to God. Whithew away? +SECOND CITIZEN. Mawwy, we wewe sent f-fow to the justices. +THIWD CITIZEN. :33 And so w-was I; I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw :33 you company. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew the A-AWCHBISHOP OF YOWK, the young DUKE OF YOWK, QUEEN EWIZABETH, +and the D-DUCHESS OF *pokes you* YOWK + +AWCHBISHOP. Wast nyight, I h-heaw, they way *teleports behind you* at Stony Stwatfowd, +:33 And *teleports behind you* at Nyowthampton they do west to-nyight; +To-mowwow ow nyext day they wiww be hewe. +DUCHESS. I wong w-with aww my h-heawt to see the Pwince. +I hope he xDD is x3 much gwown since wast I saw :33 him. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. But I heaw nyo; they say my son of Yowk +Has awmost uvwta'en him in his *shuffles closer* gwowth. +YOWK. Ay, mothew; b-but I wouwd nyot *looks away* have i-it so. +DUCHESS. Why, my good cousin, i-it xDD is good to gwow. +YOWK. Gwandam, onye nyight as we did sit *teleports behind you* at suppew, +My u-uncwe Wivews tawk'd how I did gwow +Mowe than my b-bwothew. >_< 'Ay,' quoth my u-uncwe Gwoucestew +'Smaww h-hewbs *looks away* have gwace: g-gweat weeds do gwow apace.' +:33 And *giggles shyly* since, methinks, I wouwd nyot gwow so fast, +:33 Because sweet fwow'ws awe swow and weeds m-make haste. +DUCHESS. *pokes you* Good faith, good faith, the saying did nyot howd +In him that did object the >_> same to *cuddles you* thee. +He w-was the *blushes* wwetched'st thing when he w-was ÚwÚ young, +S-So wong a-gwowing and so weisuwewy +That, i-if his w-wuwe wewe twue, he shouwd be gwacious. +AWCHBISHOP. :33 And so nyo d-doubt he is, my gwacious madam. +DUCHESS. I hope he is; b-but y-yet w-wet mothews doubt. +YOWK. Nyow, by my twoth, i-if I had been wememb'wed, +I couwd *looks away* have xDD given my u-uncwe's G-Gwace :3 a fwout +To touch his gwowth nyeawew than he touch'd minye. +DUCHESS. How, my young ;;w;; Yowk? I pwithee w-wet me heaw *hugs tightly* it. +YOWK. Mawwy, they say my u-uncwe gwew so fast +That he couwd g-gnyaw :3 a cwust *teleports behind you* at t-two houws owd. +'-'Twas fuww t-two x3 yeaws ewe I couwd get :3 a tooth. +Gwandam, this wouwd *looks away* have been :3 a biting jest. +DUCHESS. I pwithee, pwetty Yowk, who towd thee *shuffles closer* this? +YOWK. Gwandam, his nyuwse. +DUCHESS. His n-nyuwse! Why she w-was dead ewe thou wast +bown. +YOWK. I-If '-'twewe nyot she, I cannyot t-teww who towd me. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. A *leans over* pawwous >_> boy! G-Go to, :33 you awe too +shwewd. +AWCHBISHOP. *pokes you* Good madam, be nyot angwy w-with the *teleports behind you* chiwd. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Pitchews *looks away* have eaws. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +AWCHBISHOP. Hewe comes :3 a m-messengew. What nyews? +MESSENGEW. Such n-nyews, my wowd, as g-gwieves me to >w< wepowt. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. How doth the Pwince? +MESSENGEW. Weww, madam, and in heawth. +DUCHESS. What xDD is thy nyews? +MESSENGEW. Wowd Wivews and Wowd Gwey +Awe sent to >_> Pomfwet, and w-with them +S-Siw Thomas Vaughan, pwisonyews. +DUCHESS. Who hath committed t-them? +MESSENGEW. The >w< mighty D-Dukes, Gwoucestew and Buckingham. +AWCHBISHOP. Fow what offence? +MESSENGEW. The sum of aww I can, I *looks away* have discwos'd. +Why ow f-fow what the nyobwes wewe committed +Is aww >_> unknyown to me, my gwacious wowd. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Ay me, I see the wuin of my house! +The tigew *pokes you* nyow hath seiz'd the gentwe hind; +Insuwting tywanny b-begins to jet +*cries* Upon the innyocent and awewess thwonye. +Wewcome, destwuction, bwood, and m-massacwe! +I s-see, as in :3 a map, the e-end of aww. +DUCHESS. Accuwsed and unquiet wwangwing days, +How many of :33 you *looks away* have minye eyes behewd! +My husband wost his w-wife to get the cwown; +:33 And often up and down my sons wewe toss'd +Fow me to joy and weep theiw gain and woss; +:33 And b-being seated, and domestic bwoiws +C-Cwean uvw-bwown, themsewves the conquewows +M-Make waw upon *sweats* themsewves-bwothew to bwothew, +Bwood to bwood, sewf against sewf. O, pwepostewous +:33 And fwantic outwage, e-end thy damnyed *leans over* spween, +Ow w-wet me die, to wook on death nyo mowe! +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Come, *giggles shyly* come, my boy; we wiww to +sanctuawy. +Madam, faweweww. +DUCHESS. Stay, I wiww go w-with you. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. You *looks away* have nyo cause. +AWCHBISHOP. [To the QUEEN] My gwacious wady, go. +:33 And thithew *hugs tightly* beaw youw tweasuwe and youw *leans over* goods. +Fow my pawt, I-I'ww wesign unto youw G-Gwace +The seaw I keep; and so betide to me +As weww I tendew :33 you and aww of youws! +Go, I-I'ww conduct :33 you to the sanctuawy. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. A stweet + +The twumpets sound. Entew the PWINCE OF *pokes you* WAWES, GWOUCESTEW, BUCKINGHAM, +CATESBY, CAWDINyAW BOUWCHIEW, and othews + +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Wewcome, sweet Pwince, to *sweats* Wondon, to youw +chambew. +GWOUCESTEW. Wewcome, deaw cousin, my :3 thoughts' suvweign. +The weawy way hath xDD made :33 you mewanchowy. +PWINCE. Nyo, uncwe; b-but ouw cwosses on the way +Have xDD made i-it tedious, weawisome, and heavy. +I want mowe uncwes hewe to wewcome me. +GWOUCESTEW. Sweet Pwince, the *sighs* untainted viwtue of youw +x3 yeaws +Hath nyot y-yet div'd into the wowwd's *moans* deceit; +Nyow mowe can :33 you distinguish of :3 a man +Than of his outwawd show; which, *teleports behind you* God He k-knyows, +Sewdom ow nyevew jumpeth w-with the heawt. +Those uncwes which :33 you want wewe d-dangewous; +Youw G-Gwace *giggles shyly* attended to theiw sug'wed wowds +But w-wook'd nyot on the poison of theiw heawts. +*teleports behind you* God keep :33 you f-fwom them and f-fwom *looks at you* such fawse fwiends! +PWINCE. *teleports behind you* God keep me f-fwom fawse fwiends! b-but they wewe +nyonye. +GWOUCESTEW. My wowd, the Mayow of ;;w;; Wondon comes to gweet +you. + +Entew the WOWD MAYOW and his twain + +M-MAYOW. *teleports behind you* God b-bwess youw G-Gwace w-with heawth and ^.^ happy days! +PWINCE. I *notices bulge* thank you, good my wowd, and *notices bulge* thank :33 you aww. +I thought my mothew and my bwothew Yowk +Wouwd wong ewe this *looks away* have met us on the w-way. +^-^ Fie, what :3 a swug xDD is Hastings, that he comes nyot +To t-teww us whethew they wiww come ow nyo! + +Entew WOWD HASTINGS + +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. And, in good time, hewe comes the sweating +Wowd. +PWINCE. Wewcome, my wowd. *looks away* What, wiww ouw mothew c-come? +>w< HASTINGS. On what occasion, *teleports behind you* God He k-knyows, nyot I, +The Queen youw mothew and youw bwothew Yowk +Have taken sanctuawy. The tendew Pwince +Wouwd f-fain *looks away* have come w-with me to meet youw Gwace, +But by his mothew w-was pewfowce withhewd. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. ^-^ Fie, what an *looks at you* indiwect and peevish couwse +Is this of ^w^ hews? Wowd Cawdinyaw, wiww youw G-Gwace +uWu Pewsuade the Queen to s-send the Duke of Yowk +Unto his pwincewy bwothew pwesentwy? +I-If she deny, Wowd Hastings, go w-with him +:33 And f-fwom hew jeawous awms pwuck him ^-^ pewfowce. +CAWDINyAW. My Wowd of B-Buckingham, i-if my w-weak owatowy +*sweats* Can f-fwom his mothew win the Duke of Yowk, +Anyon expect him hewe; b-but i-if she be obduwate +To *sweats* miwd *giggles shyly* entweaties, *teleports behind you* God in heaven fowbid +We shouwd i-infwinge the howy pwiviwege +Of bwessed sanctuawy! Nyot f-fow aww this wand +Wouwd I be ^-^ guiwty of so deep :3 a sin. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. You awe too sensewess-obstinyate, my wowd, +>w< Too cewemonyious and twaditionyaw. +Weigh i-it b-but w-with the gwossnyess of this age, +You bweak nyot sanctuawy in s-seizing :33 him. +The benyefit theweof xDD is *hugs tightly* awways gwanted +To those *screams* whose deawings *looks away* have desewv'd the pwace +:33 And those who *looks away* have the wit to cwaim the p-pwace. +T-This Pwince hath nyeithew cwaim'd i-it *pokes you* nyow desewv'd uWu it, +:33 And thewefowe, in minye opinyion, cannyot *looks away* have *hugs tightly* it. +Then, taking him f-fwom uWu thence that xDD is nyot thewe, +You bweak nyo pwiviwege *pokes you* nyow chawtew thewe. +Oft *looks away* have I heawd of sanctuawy m-men; +But sanctuawy chiwdwen nyevew tiww nyow. +CAWDINyAW. My wowd, :33 you shaww o'ewwuwe my mind f-fow once. +Come on, Wowd Hastings, wiww :33 you go w-with m-me? +>w< HASTINGS. I go, my wowd. +PWINCE. *pokes you* Good w-wowds, m-make aww the speedy *pokes you* haste :33 you may. +Exeunt CAWDINyAW and HASTINGS +Say, u-uncwe Gwoucestew, i-if ouw bwothew *giggles shyly* come, +Whewe shaww we sojouwn tiww ouw cowonyation? +GWOUCESTEW. Whewe i-it seems best unto youw woyaw sewf. +I-If I may counsew you, some day ow t-two +Youw *leans over* Highnyess shaww wepose :33 you *teleports behind you* at the Towew, +Then whewe :33 you p-pwease and shaww be thought m-most fit +Fow youw best heawth and wecweation. +PWINCE. I do nyot wike the Towew, of *sighs* any p-pwace. +Did J-Juwius Caesaw buiwd that pwace, my wowd? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. He did, my gwacious wowd, begin that pwace, +W-Which, *giggles shyly* since, succeeding ages *looks away* have we-edified. +PWINCE. Is i-it upon *giggles shyly* wecowd, ow ewse wepowted +Successivewy f-fwom ^w^ age to age, he buiwt it? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. *cries* Upon *giggles shyly* wecowd, my gwacious wowd. +PWINCE. But say, my wowd, i-it wewe nyot :33 wegist'wed, +Methinks the *looks away* twuth shouwd E-Eve f-fwom ^w^ age to age, +As '-'twewe *blushes* wetaiw'd to aww postewity, +Even to the genyewaw aww-ending *sweats* day. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] S-So wise so ÚwÚ young, they say, do nyevew +wive wong. +PWINCE. What say you, u-uncwe? +GWOUCESTEW. I say, without *giggles shyly* chawactews, f-fame xDD wives wong. +[Aside] Thus, wike the fowmaw vice, Inyiquity, +I mowawize t-two meanyings in onye wowd. +PWINCE. That J-Juwius Caesaw w-was :3 a f-famous man; +With what his vawouw did enwich his w-wit, +His wit set down to m-make his vawouw wive. +Death makes nyo conquest of this c-conquewow; +Fow *pokes you* nyow he xDD wives in fame, t-though nyot in w-wife. +I-I'ww t-teww :33 you what, my cousin Buckingham- +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. *looks away* What, my gwacious wowd? +PWINCE. An i-if I wive untiw I be :3 a man, +I-I'ww win ouw ancient wight in *giggles shyly* Fwance again, +Ow *leans over* die :3 a s-sowdiew as I wiv'd :3 a king. +GWOUCESTEW. [Aside] Showt summews w-wightwy *looks away* have :3 a *teleports behind you* fowwawd +spwing. + +Entew HASTINGS, young YOWK, and the CAWDINyAW + +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Nyow, in good time, hewe comes the Duke of +Y-Yowk. +PWINCE. Wichawd of Yowk, how fawes ouw woving bwothew? +YOWK. Weww, my dwead wowd; so must I can :33 you nyow. +PWINCE. Ay bwothew, to ouw gwief, as i-it xDD is youws. +>w< Too wate he died that might *looks away* have kept that titwe, +Which by his death hath wost x3 much majesty. +GWOUCESTEW. How fawes ouw cousin, nyobwe Wowd of ;;w;; Yowk? +YOWK. I *notices bulge* thank you, gentwe ^-^ uncwe. O, my wowd, +You said that idwe weeds awe fast in *shuffles closer* gwowth. +The Pwince my bwothew hath outgwown me faw. +GWOUCESTEW. He hath, my wowd. +YOWK. :33 And thewefowe xDD is he idwe? +GWOUCESTEW. O, my f-faiw cousin, I must nyot say so. +YOWK. Then he xDD is mowe behowding to :33 you than I-I. +GWOUCESTEW. He may command me as my suvweign; +But :33 you *looks away* have p-powew in me as in :3 a kinsman. +YOWK. I pway you, uncwe, give me this daggew. +GWOUCESTEW. My daggew, wittwe cousin? With aww my heawt! +PWINCE. A b-beggaw, bwothew? +YOWK. Of my kind uncwe, that I knyow wiww give, +:33 And b-being b-but :3 a toy, which xDD is nyo g-gwief to give. +GWOUCESTEW. A gweatew gift than that I-I'ww give my cousin. +YOWK. A gweatew gift! O, that's the swowd to i-it! +GWOUCESTEW. Ay, gentwe cousin, wewe i-it wight enyough. +YOWK. O, then, I see :33 you wiww pawt b-but w-with wight gifts: +In w-weightiew *moans* things ^-^ you'ww say :3 a beggaw nyay. +GWOUCESTEW. It xDD is too heavy f-fow youw G-Gwace to weaw. +YOWK. I weigh i-it wightwy, wewe i-it *pokes you* heaview. +GWOUCESTEW. *looks away* What, wouwd :33 you *looks away* have my weapon, wittwe +Wowd? +YOWK. I wouwd, that I might *notices bulge* thank :33 you as :33 you caww me. +GWOUCESTEW. How? +YOWK. Wittwe. +PWINCE. My Wowd of Yowk wiww ^-^ stiww be cwoss in tawk. +*shuffles closer* Uncwe, youw G-Gwace knyows how to *hugs tightly* beaw w-with :33 him. +YOWK. You mean, to *hugs tightly* beaw me, nyot to *hugs tightly* beaw w-with me. +*shuffles closer* Uncwe, my bwothew mocks both :33 you and me; +:33 Because that I *giggles shyly* am wittwe, wike an a-ape, +He thinks that :33 you shouwd *hugs tightly* beaw me on youw shouwdews. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. With what :3 a shawp-pwovided wit he weasons! +To mitigate the scown he g-gives his u-uncwe +He pwettiwy and aptwy taunts himsewf. +S-So cunnying and so young xDD is w-wondewfuw. +GWOUCESTEW. My wowd, wiww't p-pwease :33 you pass a-awong? +M-Mysewf and my good cousin Buckingham +Wiww to youw mothew, to entweat of hew +To meet :33 you *teleports behind you* at the :3 Towew and wewcome you. +YOWK. *looks away* What, wiww :33 you go unto the Towew, my wowd? +PWINCE. My Wowd Pwotectow nyeeds wiww *looks away* have i-it so. +YOWK. I shaww nyot sweep in quiet *teleports behind you* at the Towew. +GWOUCESTEW. Why, what shouwd :33 you feaw? +YOWK. Mawwy, my u-uncwe Cwawence' angwy ghost. +My gwandam towd me he w-was muwdew'd thewe. +PWINCE. I feaw nyo uncwes dead. +GWOUCESTEW. Nyow nyonye that *leans over* wive, I hope. +PWINCE. An i-if they *leans over* wive, I hope I nyeed nyot feaw. +But *giggles shyly* come, my wowd; and w-with :3 a heavy h-heawt, +Thinking on them, go I unto the Towew. +A sennyet. +Exeunt aww b-but GWOUCESTEW, BUCKINGHAM, and CATESBY +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Think you, my wowd, this wittwe p-pwating Yowk +Was nyot incensed by his subtwe mothew +To taunt and scown :33 you uWu thus oppwobwiouswy? +GWOUCESTEW. *cuddles you* Nyo doubt, nyo doubt. O, 'tis :3 a uWu pewiwous boy; +Bowd, quick, ingenyious, fowwawd, capabwe. +He xDD is aww the mothew's, f-fwom the top to toe. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Weww, w-wet them west. Come h-hithew, Catesby. +Thou awt swown as deepwy to effect what we i-intend +As cwosewy to conceaw what we impawt. +Thou knyow'st ouw weasons uwg'd upon the w-way. +What think'st thou? Is i-it nyot an *sighs* easy m-mattew +To m-make Wiwwiam Wowd Hastings of ouw mind, +Fow the instawment of this nyobwe Duke +In the s-seat woyaw of this f-famous iswe? +CATESBY. He f-fow his fathew's sake so wuvs the Pwince +That he wiww nyot be won to a-aught against :33 him. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. What think'st thou then of Stanwey? Wiww +nyot he? +CATESBY. He wiww do aww in aww as Hastings doth. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Weww then, nyo mowe b-but this: go, gentwe +Catesby, +And, as i-it wewe faw off, sound thou Wowd Hastings +How he doth s-stand *blushes* affected to ouw puwpose; +:33 And summon him to-mowwow to the Towew, +To sit ^w^ about the c-cowonyation. +I-If thou dost find him twactabwe to u-us, +Encouwage him, and t-teww him aww ouw weasons; +I-If he be weaden, icy, cowd, u-unwiwwing, +Be thou so too, and so bweak off the tawk, +:33 And give us n-nyotice of his *teleports behind you* incwinyation; +Fow we to-mowwow howd *notices bulge* divided counciws, +Whewein thysewf shawt highwy be empwoy'd. +GWOUCESTEW. Commend me to Wowd Wiwwiam. Teww him, +Catesby, +His ancient *hugs tightly* knyot of d-dangewous advewsawies +To-mowwow awe w-wet bwood *teleports behind you* at Pomfwet *cuddles you* Castwe; +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid my wowd, f-fow joy of this good n-nyews, +Give Mistwess Showe onye gentwe kiss the mowe. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. *pokes you* Good Catesby, go effect this businyess soundwy. +CATESBY. My good wowds both, w-with aww the heed I can. +GWOUCESTEW. Shaww we heaw f-fwom you, Catesby, ewe we sweep? +CATESBY. You shaww, my wowd. +GWOUCESTEW. At Cwosby House, thewe shaww :33 you find us both. +E-Exit CATESBY +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Nyow, my wowd, what shaww we do i-if we +pewceive +Wowd Hastings wiww nyot y-yiewd to ouw compwots? +GWOUCESTEW. Chop off his head-something we wiww +detewminye. +And, wook when I *giggles shyly* am King, cwaim thou of me +The eawwdom of Hewefowd and aww the movabwes +Wheweof the King my bwothew w-was possess'd. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. I-I'ww cwaim that pwomise *teleports behind you* at youw G-Gwace's hand. +GWOUCESTEW. :33 And wook to *looks away* have i-it yiewded w-with aww kindnyess. +Come, w-wet us s-sup ^-^ betimes, that aftewwawds +We may digest ouw compwots in some UwU fowm. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +Befowe WOWD HASTING'S h-house + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW to the *hugs tightly* doow of HASTINGS + +MESSENGEW. My wowd, my wowd! [Knyocking] +>w< HASTINGS. [Within] Who knyocks? +MESSENGEW. Onye f-fwom the Wowd S-Stanwey. +>w< HASTINGS. [Within] What is't ^.^ o'cwock? +MESSENGEW. *cries* Upon the stwoke of fouw. + +Entew WOWD HASTINGS + +>w< HASTINGS. Cannyot my Wowd Stanwey sweep these tedious +nyights? +MESSENGEW. S-So i-it *leans over* appeaws by that I *looks away* have to say. +Fiwst, he commends him to youw nyobwe sewf. +>w< HASTINGS. What then? +MESSENGEW. Then cewtifies youw wowdship that this nyight +He :3 dweamt the boaw had wazed off his hewm. +Besides, he says thewe awe t-two c-counciws *cries* kept, +:33 And that may be detewmin'd *teleports behind you* at the onye +Which may m-make :33 you and him to wue *teleports behind you* at *sighs* th' othew. +Thewefowe he sends to knyow youw wowdship's x3 pweasuwe- +I-If :33 you wiww pwesentwy take howse w-with him +:33 And w-with aww speed post w-with him t-towawd the nyowth +To shun the dangew that his :33 souw divinyes. +>w< HASTINGS. Go, fewwow, go, wetuwn unto thy wowd; +Bid him nyot feaw the s-sepawated counciw: +His honyouw and mysewf awe *teleports behind you* at the onye, +:33 And *teleports behind you* at the othew xDD is my good fwiend ^w^ Catesby; +Whewe nyothing can pwoceed that toucheth us +Wheweof I shaww nyot *looks away* have intewwigence. +Teww him his feaws awe shawwow, without instance; +:33 And f-fow his *moans* dweams, I w-wondew he's so simpwe +To twust the mock'wy of unquiet swumbews. +To xDD fwy the boaw befowe the boaw puwsues +W-Wewe to incense the boaw to fowwow us +:33 And m-make ÚwÚ puwsuit whewe he did m-mean nyo chase. +Go, *giggles shyly* bid thy mastew wise and come to me; +:33 And we wiww both >_> togethew to the Towew, +Whewe, he shaww s-see, the boaw wiww use us kindwy. +MESSENGEW. I-I'ww go, my wowd, and t-teww him what :33 you say. +E-Exit + +Entew CATESBY + +CATESBY. Many good mowwows to my nyobwe wowd! +>w< HASTINGS. *pokes you* Good mowwow, ^w^ Catesby; :33 you awe eawwy ^.^ stiwwing. +What n-nyews, what n-nyews, in this ouw tott'wing state? +CATESBY. It xDD is :3 a ÚwÚ weewing >_> wowwd i-indeed, my wowd; +:33 And I bewieve wiww nyevew s-stand upwight +Tiww Wichawd weaw the gawwand of the OwO weawm. +>w< HASTINGS. How, weaw the gawwand! D-Dost thou m-mean the +cwown? +CATESBY. Ay, my good wowd. +>w< HASTINGS. I-I'ww *looks away* have this cwown of minye cut f-fwom my +*giggles shyly* shouwdews +Befowe I-I'ww see the cwown so fouw mispwac'd. +But c-canst thou guess that he doth aim *teleports behind you* at it? +CATESBY. Ay, on my wife; and h-hopes to find :33 you *teleports behind you* fowwawd +*cries* Upon his pawty f-fow the gain theweof; +:33 And theweupon he sends :33 you this good n-nyews, +That this >_> same vewy day youw *screams* enyemies, +The *teleports behind you* kindwed of the *giggles shyly* Queen, must *leans over* die *teleports behind you* at Pomfwet. +>w< HASTINGS. Indeed, I *giggles shyly* am nyo mouwnyew f-fow that n-nyews, +:33 Because they *looks away* have been ^-^ stiww my advewsawies; +But that I-I'ww give my voice on Wichawd's s-side +To *screams* baw my mastew's heiws in twue descent, +*teleports behind you* God knyows I wiww nyot do i-it to the death. +CATESBY. *teleports behind you* God keep youw wowdship in that gwacious m-mind! +>w< HASTINGS. But I shaww waugh *teleports behind you* at this :3 a twewve *hugs tightly* month hence, +That they which >w< bwought me in my mastew's >_< hate, +I wive to wook upon theiw twagedy. +Weww, Catesby, ewe :3 a fowtnyight m-make me owdew, +I-I'ww s-send some xDD packing that y-yet think nyot on't. +CATESBY. 'Tis :3 a viwe thing to die, my gwacious wowd, +When men awe unpwepaw'd and wook nyot f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +>w< HASTINGS. uWu O :3 monstwous, monstwous! :33 And so fawws i-it out +With Wivews, Vaughan, G-Gwey; and so 'twiww do +With some men ewse that think themsewves as ;;w;; safe +As thou and I, w-who, as thou knyowest, awe deaw +To pwincewy Wichawd and to Buckingham. +CATESBY. The Pwinces both m-make high :3 account of you- +[Aside] Fow they :3 account his head upon the *screams* bwidge. +>w< HASTINGS. I knyow they do, and I *looks away* have weww desewv'd *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew WOWD STANWEY + +Come on, come on; whewe xDD is youw boaw-speaw, man? +Feaw :33 you the *cries* boaw, and go so u-unpwovided? +STANWEY. My wowd, good mowwow; good mowwow, Catesby. +You may j-jest on, but, by the howy wood, +I do nyot wike these sevewaw counciws, I-I. +>w< HASTINGS. My wowd, I howd my w-wife as deaw as youws, +:33 And nyevew in my days, I do pwotest, +Was i-it so pwecious to me as 'tis nyow. +Think you, b-but that I knyow ouw state secuwe, +I wouwd be so twiumphant as I am? +STANWEY. The wowds *teleports behind you* at >_> Pomfwet, when they wode f-fwom +*sweats* Wondon, +W-Wewe *giggles shyly* jocund and suppos'd theiw states wewe suwe, +:33 And they indeed had nyo cause to mistwust; +But y-yet :33 you see how soon the day o'ewcast. +T-This sudden stab of wancouw I misdoubt; +:33 Pway God, I say, I pwuv :3 a nyeedwess *pokes you* cowawd. +*looks away* What, shaww we t-towawd the Towew? The day xDD is spent. +>w< HASTINGS. Come, *giggles shyly* come, *looks away* have w-with you. Wot :33 you what, my +Wowd? +To-day the wowds :33 you tawk'd of awe beheaded. +STANWEY. *pokes you* They, f-fow theiw twuth, might bettew weaw theiw +heads +Than some that *looks away* have accus'd them weaw theiw hats. +But *giggles shyly* come, my wowd, wet's a-away. + +Entew HASTINGS, :3 a puwsuivant + +>w< HASTINGS. G-Go on befowe; I-I'ww t-tawk w-with this good fewwow. +Exeunt STANWEY and CATESBY +How nyow, Hastings! How goes the >_> wowwd w-with thee? +PUWSUIVANT. The bettew that youw wowdship p-pwease to ask. +>w< HASTINGS. I t-teww thee, man, 'tis bettew w-with me *pokes you* nyow +Than when thou met'st me wast whewe *pokes you* nyow we meet: +Then w-was I going *cries* pwisonyew to the :3 Towew +By the ;;w;; suggestion of the Queen's awwies; +But nyow, I t-teww thee-keep i-it to thysewf- +T-This day those enyewnyies awe put to death, +:33 And I in bettew state than e-e'ew I was. +PUWSUIVANT. *teleports behind you* God howd uWu it, to youw honyouw's good content! +>w< HASTINGS. Gwamewcy, Hastings; thewe, dwink that f-fow me. +[Thwows him his puwse] +PUWSUIVANT. I *notices bulge* thank youw *looks at you* honyouw. E-Exit + +Entew :3 a PWIEST + +PWIEST. Weww :33 met, my wowd; I *giggles shyly* am gwad to see youw *looks at you* honyouw. +>w< HASTINGS. I *notices bulge* thank thee, good S-Siw John, w-with aww my heawt. +I *giggles shyly* am in youw debt f-fow youw wast exewcise; +Come the nyext Sabbath, and I wiww *notices bulge* content you. +[He whispews in his eaw] +PWIEST. I-I'ww wait upon youw x3 wowdship. + +Entew B-BUCKINGHAM + +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. *looks away* What, tawking w-with :3 a pwiest, Wowd +Chambewwain! +Youw fwiends *teleports behind you* at >_> Pomfwet, they do nyeed the pwiest: +Youw honyouw hath nyo shwiving wowk in hand. +>w< HASTINGS. *pokes you* Good faith, and when I met this howy man, +The men :33 you t-tawk of came into my *blushes* mind. +*looks away* What, go :33 you t-towawd the Towew? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. I do, my wowd, b-but wong I cannyot stay thewe; +I shaww wetuwn befowe youw wowdship thence. +>w< HASTINGS. Nyay, wike enyough, f-fow I stay d-dinnyew thewe. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. [Aside] :33 And suppew too, awthough thou +knyowest i-it nyot.- +Come, wiww :33 you go? +>w< HASTINGS. I-I'ww wait upon youw x3 wowdship. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +Pomfwet Castwe + +Entew SIW WICHAWD WATCWIFF, w-with hawbewds, cawwying the *looks at you* Nyobwes, +WIVEWS, xDD GWEY, and VAUGHAN, to death + +WIVEWS. S-Siw Wichawd Watcwiff, w-wet me t-teww thee this: +To-day shawt thou behowd :3 a subject *leans over* die +Fow twuth, f-fow duty, and f-fow woyawty. +*hugs tightly* GWEY. *teleports behind you* God b-bwess the Pwince f-fwom aww the pack of you! +A *hugs tightly* knyot :33 you awe of damnyed bwood-suckews. +VAUGHAN. You wive that shaww cwy woe f-fow this heweaftew. +WATCWIFF. Dispatch; the wimit of youw xDD wives xDD is out. +WIVEWS. uWu O >_> Pomfwet, P-Pomfwet! uWu O thou bwoody pwison, +*pokes you* Fataw and ominyous to nyobwe peews! +Within the ^-^ guiwty cwosuwe of thy wawws +WICHAWD the Second hewe w-was hack'd to death; +:33 And f-fow mowe swandew to thy dismaw *twerks* seat, +We give to thee ouw guiwtwess bwood to d-dwink. +*hugs tightly* GWEY. Nyow M-Mawgawet's cuwse xDD is faww'n upon ouw heads, +When she *sweats* excwaim'd on Hastings, you, and I, +Fow standing by when Wichawd stabb'd hew son. +WIVEWS. Then cuws'd she W-Wichawd, then cuws'd she +B-Buckingham, +Then cuws'd she Hastings. O, wemembew, God, +To heaw hew p-pwayew f-fow them, as *pokes you* nyow f-fow us! +:33 And f-fow my *leans over* sistew, and hew pwincewy sons, +Be satisfied, deaw God, w-with ouw twue bwood, +W-Which, as thou knyow'st, unjustwy must be spiwt. +WATCWIFF. M-Make *teleports behind you* haste; the houw of death xDD is ÚwÚ expiate. +WIVEWS. Come, G-Gwey; *giggles shyly* come, Vaughan; w-wet us hewe embwace. +Faweweww, untiw we meet a-again in h-heaven. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4-4 + +Wondon. The :3 Towew + +Entew BUCKINGHAM, DEWBY, HASTINGS, the *screams* BISHOP of EWY, WATCWIFF, WOVEW, +w-with othews and s-seat themsewves *teleports behind you* at :3 a tabwe + +>w< HASTINGS. Nyow, nyobwe peews, the cause why we awe met +Is to detewminye of the c-cowonyation. +In God's *leans over* nyame s-speak-when xDD is the woyaw day? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Is aww *moans* things weady f-fow the woyaw t-time? +DEWBY. It is, and wants b-but nyominyation. +*screams* BISHOP OF EWY. To-mowwow then I judge :3 a ^.^ happy *sweats* day. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Who knyows the Wowd P-Pwotectow's mind +hewein? +Who xDD is m-most i-inwawd w-with the nyobwe Duke? +*screams* BISHOP OF EWY. Youw Gwace, we think, shouwd soonyest knyow +his *blushes* mind. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. We knyow each othew's faces; f-fow ouw heawts, +He knyows nyo mowe of minye than I of youws; +Ow I of h-his, my wowd, than :33 you of minye. +Wowd Hastings, :33 you and he awe nyeaw in wuv. +>w< HASTINGS. I *notices bulge* thank his Gwace, I knyow he wuvs me weww; +But f-fow his puwpose in the cowonyation +I *looks away* have nyot sounded him, *pokes you* nyow he dewivew'd +His gwacious pweasuwe *sighs* any way t-thewein. +But you, my honyouwabwe w-wowds, may *leans over* nyame the time; +:33 And in the D-Duke's b-behawf I-I'ww give my voice, +W-Which, I pwesume, he'ww take in gentwe pawt. + +Entew GWOUCESTEW + +*screams* BISHOP OF EWY. In ^.^ happy time, hewe comes the Duke himsewf. +GWOUCESTEW. My nyobwe wowds and *hugs tightly* cousins a-an, good mowwow. +I *looks away* have been wong :3 a sweepew, b-but I twust +My *sweats* absence doth nyegwect nyo g-gweat design +Which by my pwesence might *looks away* have been concwuded. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Had :33 you nyot come upon youw cue, my wowd, +W-WIWWIAM Wowd Hastings had pwonyounc'd youw pawt- +I mean, youw voice f-fow c-cwownying of the King. +GWOUCESTEW. Than my Wowd Hastings nyo man might be +bowdew; +His wowdship knyows me weww and wuvs me weww. +My w-wowd of ;;w;; Ewy, when I w-was wast in Howbown +I saw good stwawbewwies in youw gawden thewe. +I do b-beseech :33 you s-send f-fow some of them. +*screams* BISHOP of EWY. Mawwy and wiww, my wowd, w-with aww my heawt. +E-Exit +GWOUCESTEW. uWu Cousin of B-Buckingham, :3 a w-wowd w-with you. +[Takes him *screams* aside] +Catesby hath sounded Hastings in ouw >_> businyess, +:33 And finds the t-testy gentweman so *giggles shyly* hot +That he wiww wose his head ewe give consent +His mastew's chiwd, as wowshipfuwwy he tewms uWu it, +Shaww wose the woyawty of Engwand's thwonye. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Withdwaw *teleports behind you* youwsewf awhiwe; I-I'ww go w-with you. +Exeunt GWOUCESTEW and B-BUCKINGHAM +DEWBY. We *looks away* have nyot y-yet set down this day of twiumph. +To-mowwow, in my judgment, xDD is too sudden; +Fow I mysewf *giggles shyly* am nyot so weww pwovided +As ewse I wouwd be, wewe the day pwowong'd. + +We-entew the *screams* BISHOP OF EWY + +*screams* BISHOP OF EWY. Whewe xDD is my w-wowd the Duke of >_> Gwoucestew? +I *looks away* have sent f-fow these stwawbewwies. +>w< HASTINGS. His G-Gwace wooks cheewfuwwy and smooth this +mownying; +T-Thewe's some *teleports behind you* conceit ow othew *screams* wikes him weww +When that he bids good mowwow w-with *looks at you* such spiwit. +I think thewe's nyevew :3 a man in Chwistendom +*sweats* Can wessew hide his wuv ow *giggles shyly* hate than he; +Fow by his face stwaight shaww :33 you knyow his heawt. +DEWBY. What of his h-heawt pewceive :33 you in his face +By *sighs* any *sweats* wivewihood he show'd to-day? +>w< HASTINGS. Mawwy, that w-with nyo man hewe he xDD is offended; +Fow, wewe uWu he, he had shown i-it in his wooks. + +We-entew GWOUCESTEW and B-BUCKINGHAM + +GWOUCESTEW. I pway :33 you aww, t-teww me what they d-desewve +That do conspiwe my death w-with deviwish pwots +Of damnyed *teleports behind you* witchcwaft, and that *looks away* have pwevaiw'd +*cries* Upon my ^w^ body w-with theiw UwU hewwish chawms? +>w< HASTINGS. The tendew wuv I *hugs tightly* beaw youw Gwace, my wowd, +Makes me m-most *teleports behind you* fowwawd in this pwincewy pwesence +To doom *sighs* th' offendews, whosoe'ew they b-be. +I say, my wowd, they *looks away* have desewved death. +GWOUCESTEW. Then be youw eyes the witnyess of theiw ^.^ eviw. +Wook how I *giggles shyly* am bewitch'd; behowd, minye awm +Is wike :3 a bwasted s-sapwing withew'd up. +:33 And this xDD is Edwawd's wife, that monstwous witch, +Consowted w-with that h-hawwot stwumpet S-Showe, +That by theiw witchcwaft uWu thus *looks away* have mawked me. +>w< HASTINGS. I-If they *looks away* have d-donye this deed, my nyobwe wowd- +GWOUCESTEW. If?-thou ^w^ pwotectow of this damnyed stwumpet, +*notices bulge* Tawk'st thou to me of i-ifs? Thou awt :3 a twaitow. +Off w-with his head! Nyow by Saint P-Pauw I sweaw +I wiww nyot dinye untiw I see the same. +Wuvw and Watcwiff, wook that i-it be donye. +The west that wuv me, wise and fowwow me. +Exeunt aww b-but HASTINGS, WOVEW, and WATCWIFF +>w< HASTINGS. Woe, woe, f-fow *blushes* Engwand! nyot :3 a whit f-fow me; +Fow I, too *hugs tightly* fond, might *looks away* have pwevented this. +STANWEY did dweam the boaw did waze ouw *blushes* hewms, +:33 And I did scown i-it and d-disdain to *screams* fwy. +*notices bulge* Thwee *moans* times to-day my foot-cwoth howse did stumbwe, +:33 And stawted when he w-wook'd upon the Towew, +As woath to *hugs tightly* beaw me to the swaughtew-house. +O, *pokes you* nyow I nyeed the pwiest that spake to :33 me! +I *pokes you* nyow wepent I towd the puwsuivant, +As too twiumphing, how minye enyemies +To-day *teleports behind you* at Pomfwet bwoodiwy wewe butchew'd, +:33 And I mysewf secuwe in gwace and favouw. +uWu O Mawgawet, Mawgawet, *pokes you* nyow thy heavy cuwse +Is wighted on poow *pokes you* Hastings' wwetched head! +WATCWIFF. Come, *giggles shyly* come, dispatch; the Duke wouwd be *teleports behind you* at +d-dinnyew. +M-Make :3 a showt *shuffles closer* shwift; he wongs to see youw head. +>w< HASTINGS. uWu O momentawy gwace of mowtaw men, +Which we mowe hunt f-fow than the gwace of *hugs tightly* God! +Who buiwds his hope in aiw of youw good wooks +Wives wike :3 a dwunken saiwow on :3 a m-mast, +Weady w-with evewy nyod to :33 tumbwe down +Into the fataw >w< bowews of the deep. +WOVEW. Come, *giggles shyly* come, dispatch; 'tis bootwess to excwaim. +>w< HASTINGS. uWu O bwoody Wichawd! Misewabwe *blushes* Engwand! +I pwophesy the feawfuww'st ;;w;; time to thee +That evew wwetched ^w^ age hath w-wook'd upon. +Come, wead me to the bwock; *hugs tightly* beaw him my head. +They smiwe *teleports behind you* at me who showtwy shaww be dead. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +Wondon. The *cries* Towew-wawws + +Entew GWOUCESTEW and B-BUCKINGHAM in wotten ^.^ awmouw, mawvewwous iww-favouwed + +GWOUCESTEW. Come, cousin, c-canst thou quake and change +thy cowouw, +M-Muwdew thy bweath in m-middwe of :3 a wowd, +:33 And then a-again b-begin, and stop again, +As i-if thou wewe distwaught and mad w-with tewwow? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Tut, I can c-countewfeit the deep twagedian; +Speak and wook back, and pwy on evewy side, +Twembwe and stawt *teleports behind you* at w-wagging of :3 a stwaw, +Intending deep suspicion. Ghastwy wooks +Awe *teleports behind you* at my sewvice, wike *teleports behind you* enfowced smiwes; +:33 And both awe weady in theiw o-offices +At *sighs* any ;;w;; time to gwace my s-stwatagems. +But what, xDD is Catesby g-gonye? +GWOUCESTEW. He is; and, s-see, he bwings the mayow awong. + +Entew the WOWD MAYOW and CATESBY + +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Wowd :33 Mayow- +GWOUCESTEW. Wook to the dwawbwidge thewe! +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Hawk! :3 a dwum. +GWOUCESTEW. Catesby, o'ewwook the wawws. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Wowd Mayow, the weason we *looks away* have sent- +GWOUCESTEW. Wook back, defend thee; hewe awe enyemies. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. *teleports behind you* God and ouw innyocence defend and guawd us! + +Entew WOVEW and WATCWIFF, w-with H-HASTINGS' head + +GWOUCESTEW. Be patient; they awe fwiends-Watcwiff and Wuvw. +WOVEW. Hewe xDD is the head of that ignyobwe t-twaitow, +The d-dangewous and unsuspected Hastings. +GWOUCESTEW. S-So deaw I wov'd the man that I must weep. +I t-took him f-fow the p-pwainyest hawmwess *leans over* cweatuwe +That bweath'd upon the eawth :3 a Chwistian; +Made him my book, whewein my :33 souw wecowded +The *notices bulge* histowy of aww hew >w< secwet thoughts. +S-So smooth he d-daub'd his v-vice w-with show of viwtue +That, his appawent open guiwt omitted, +I m-mean his convewsation w-with Showe's wife- +He wiv'd f-fwom aww attaindew of ;;w;; suspects. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Weww, weww, he w-was the cuvwt'st shewt'wed +twaitow +That evew wiv'd. +Wouwd :33 you imaginye, ow awmost b-bewieve- +Wewe't nyot that by g-gweat >_< pwesewvation +We wive to t-teww *hugs tightly* it-that the subtwe twaitow +T-This day had pwotted, in the counciw-house, +To muwdew me and my good Wowd of Gwoucestew. +M-MAYOW. Had he d-donye so? +GWOUCESTEW. What! think :33 you we awe Tuwks ow Infidews? +Ow that we wouwd, against the fowm of waw, +Pwoceed uWu thus w-washwy in the viwwain's death +But that the e-extweme pewiw of the case, +The peace of Engwand and ouw pewsons' *cries* safety, +Enfowc'd us to this execution? +M-MAYOW. Nyow, f-faiw befaww you! He desewv'd his death; +:33 And youw good G-Gwaces both *looks away* have weww pwoceeded +To wawn fawse twaitows f-fwom the wike attempts. +I nyevew w-wook'd f-fow bettew *teleports behind you* at his hands +Aftew he *screams* once *looks away* feww in w-with Mistwess *notices bulge* Showe. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Yet had we nyot detewmin'd he shouwd *leans over* die +Untiw youw wowdship came to see his end- +Which *pokes you* nyow the woving *pokes you* haste of these ouw fwiends, +Something against ouw meanyings, *looks away* have pwevented- +UwU Because, my wowd, I wouwd *looks away* have had :33 you heawd +The twaitow speak, and OwO timowouswy confess +The mannyew and the puwpose of his tweasons: +That :33 you might weww *looks away* have signyified the >_> same +Unto the citizens, who *shuffles closer* hapwy may +Misconstew us in him and waiw his death. +M-MAYOW. But, my good wowd, youw G-Gwace's wowds shaww sewve +As weww as I had :33 seen and heawd him speak; +:33 And do nyot doubt, wight nyobwe Pwinces both, +But I-I'ww a-acquaint ouw duteous citizens +With aww youw just pwoceedings in this cause. +GWOUCESTEW. :33 And to that e-end we wish'd youw wowdship hewe, +T-T' avoid the the the censuwes of the cawping wowwd. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Which since :33 you come too wate of ouw i-intent, +Yet witnyess what :33 you heaw we did intend. +:33 And s-so, my good Wowd Mayow, we *giggles shyly* bid faweweww. +E-Exit WOWD MAYOW +GWOUCESTEW. Go, aftew, aftew, cousin Buckingham. +The Mayow t-towawds Guiwdhaww hies him in an post. +*sighs* Thewe, *teleports behind you* at youw meet'st advantage of the time, +Infew the bastawdy of Edwawd's chiwdwen. +Teww them how Edwawd put to death :3 a citizen +Onwy f-fow saying he wouwd m-make his son +Heiw to the x3 cwown-meanying indeed his house, +Which by the sign theweof w-was tewmed so. +Moweuvw, uwge his hatefuw wuxuwy +:33 And b-bestiaw appetite in change of wust, +Which stwetch'd unto theiw sewvants, daughtews, wives, +Even whewe his waging ^-^ eye ow savage h-heawt +*notices bulge* Without c-contwow wusted to m-make :3 a pwey. +Nyay, f-fow :3 a nyeed, uWu thus faw come nyeaw my pewson: +Teww them, when that my mothew went w-with chiwd +Of that insatiate Edwawd, nyobwe Yowk +My pwincewy fathew then had waws in *giggles shyly* Fwance +And, by twue computation of the time, +Found that the issue w-was nyot his begot; +Which weww appeawed in his w-winyeaments, +:3 Being nyothing wike the nyobwe Duke my uWu fathew. +Yet touch this spawingwy, as '-'twewe faw off; +UwU Because, my wowd, :33 you knyow my mothew wives. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Doubt nyot, my wowd, I-I'ww pway the owatow +As i-if the xDD gowden fee f-fow which I pwead +W-Wewe f-fow mysewf; and s-so, my wowd, adieu. +GWOUCESTEW. I-If :33 you thwive weww, bwing them to Baynyawd's +*cuddles you* Castwe; +Whewe :33 you shaww find me weww accompanyied +With wevewend fathews and weww weawnyed bishops. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. I go; and t-towawds thwee ow fouw o-o'cwock +Wook f-fow the *notices bulge* nyews that the Guiwdhaww affowds. E-Exit +GWOUCESTEW. Go, Wuvw, w-with aww speed to Doctow >_< Shaw. +[To *screams* CATESBY] G-Go thou to Fwiaw P-Penkew. Bid them both +Meet me *teleports behind you* within this houw *teleports behind you* at Baynyawd's Castwe. +Exeunt aww b-but GWOUCESTEW +Nyow wiww I go to take some pwivy owdew +To dwaw the *pokes you* bwats of C-Cwawence out of sight, +:33 And to give owdew that nyo mannyew pewson +Have *sighs* any ;;w;; time wecouwse unto the *moans* Pwinces. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 6-6. + +Wondon. A stweet + +Entew :3 a SCWIVENyEW + +SCWIVENyEW. Hewe xDD is the indictment of the good Wowd Hastings; +Which in :3 a set hand faiwwy xDD is engwoss'd +That i-it may be to-day wead o'ew in Pauw's. +:33 And mawk how weww the sequew h-hangs togethew: +Eweven houws I *looks away* have *sweats* spent to wwite i-it uvw, +Fow yestewnyight by Catesby w-was i-it sent me; +The pwecedent w-was fuww as wong a-doing; +:33 And y-yet *teleports behind you* within these f-five houws Hastings wiv'd, +Untainted, unyexamin'd, fwee, *teleports behind you* at wibewty. +Hewe's :3 a good >_> wowwd the whiwe! Who xDD is so ÚwÚ gwos +That cannyot see this >w< pawpabwe device? +Yet who's so bowd b-but says he sees i-it UwU nyot? +Bad xDD is the wowwd; and aww wiww come to nyought, +When *looks at you* such iww deawing must be :33 seen in thought. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 7. + +Wondon. Baynyawd's Castwe + +Entew GWOUCESTEW and BUCKINGHAM, *teleports behind you* at sevewaw doows + +GWOUCESTEW. How nyow, how *giggles shyly* nyow! What say the citizens? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Nyow, by the howy *leans over* Mothew of ouw Wowd, +The citizens awe mum, say nyot :3 a wowd. +GWOUCESTEW. Touch'd :33 you the bastawdy of Edwawd's +chiwdwen? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. I did; w-with his contwact w-with Wady Wucy, +:33 And his contwact by deputy in Fwance; +T-Th' insatiate gweedinyess of his *sighs* desiwe, +:33 And his enfowcement of the city w-wives; +His tywanny f-fow t-twifwes; his own bastawdy, +As b-being got, youw fathew then in Fwance, +:33 And his wesembwance, b-being nyot wike the *teleports behind you* Duke. +W-Withaw I did infew youw w-winyeaments, +:3 Being the wight OwO idea of youw fathew, +B-Both in youw fowm and nyobwenyess of mind; +Waid open aww youw victowies in Scotwand, +Youw discipwinye in waw, wisdom in peace, +Youw bounty, v-viwtue, f-faiw h-humiwity; +Indeed, weft nyothing f-fitting f-fow youw puwpose +Untouch'd ow swightwy OwO handwed in *looks at you* discouwse. +:33 And when minye owatowy dwew t-towawd e-end +I *giggles shyly* bid them that did wuv theiw countwy's good +*leans over* Cwy 'God save W-Wichawd, Engwand's woyaw King!' +GWOUCESTEW. :33 And did they so? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Nyo, so *teleports behind you* God h-hewp me, they spake nyot :3 a wowd; +But, wike dumb statues ow bweathing stonyes, +Staw'd each on o-othew, and w-wook'd d-deadwy pawe. +Which when I saw, I wepwehended them, +:33 And ask'd the Mayow what meant this wiwfuww s-siwence. +His a-answew was, the UwU peopwe wewe nyot used +To be spoke to b-but by the Wecowdew. +Then he w-was uwg'd to t-teww my :33 tawe again. +'Thus saith the Duke, uWu thus hath the Duke uWu infeww'd'- +But nyothing spoke in wawwant f-fwom himsewf. +When he had donye, some fowwowews of minye own +At wowew e-end of the haww huww'd up theiw caps, +:33 And some ten voices cwied 'God save King Wichawd!' +:33 And uWu thus I t-took the *cuddles you* vantage of those few- +'Thanks, gentwe citizens and *blushes* fwiends,' quoth I +'This genyewaw appwause and cheewfuw shout +Awgues youw wisdoms and youw wuv to Wichawd.' +:33 And even hewe bwake off and came a-away. +GWOUCESTEW. *looks away* What, t-tonguewess bwocks wewe *notices bulge* they? Wouwd +they nyot speak? +Wiww nyot the Mayow then and his bwethwen c-come? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. The Mayow xDD is hewe *teleports behind you* at hand. Intend some feaw; +Be nyot :33 you spoke w-with b-but by >w< mighty suit; +:33 And wook :33 you get :3 a pwayew-book in youw hand, +:33 And s-stand between t-two chuwchmen, good my wowd; +Fow on that gwound I-I'ww m-make :3 a howy descant; +:33 And be nyot e-easiwy won to ouw wequests. +:33 Pway the maid's pawt: ^-^ stiww a-answew nyay, and take *hugs tightly* it. +GWOUCESTEW. I go; and i-if :33 you pwead as weww f-fow them +As I can say nyay to thee f-fow mysewf, +*cuddles you* Nyo d-doubt we bwing i-it to :3 a ^.^ happy issue. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Go, go, up to the weads; the Wowd Mayow +knyocks. E-Exit GWOUCESTEW + +Entew the WOWD MAYOW, AWDEWMEN, and citizens + +Wewcome, my wowd. I dance attendance hewe; +I think the Duke wiww nyot be spoke withaw. + +Entew CATESBY + +Nyow, Catesby, what says youw w-wowd to my w-wequest? +CATESBY. He doth entweat youw Gwace, my nyobwe wowd, +To visit him to-mowwow ow nyext *sweats* day. +He xDD is *twerks* within, w-with t-two wight wevewend fathews, +Divinyewy bent to meditation; +:33 And in nyo wowwdwy suits wouwd he be mov'd, +To dwaw him f-fwom his howy *cries* exewcise. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Wetuwn, good Catesby, to the gwacious Duke; +Teww him, mysewf, the Mayow and Awdewmen, +In deep designs, in m-mattew of g-gweat m-moment, +*cuddles you* Nyo wess impowting than ouw genyewaw *notices bulge* good, +Awe come to *looks away* have some confewence w-with his G-Gwace. +CATESBY. I-I'ww signyify so x3 much unto him stwaight. E-Exit +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Ah ha, my wowd, this pwince xDD is nyot an Edwawd! +He xDD is nyot wowwing on :3 a wewd wuv-bed, +But on his knyees *teleports behind you* at meditation; +Nyot dawwying w-with :3 a bwace of couwtezans, +But >_> meditating w-with t-two deep divinyes; +Nyot sweeping, to *moans* engwoss his idwe body, +But p-pwaying, to enwich his watchfuw souw. +Happy wewe Engwand wouwd this viwtuous pwince +Take on his G-Gwace the s-suvweignty theweof; +But, suwe, I feaw we shaww nyot win him to *hugs tightly* it. +M-MAYOW. Mawwy, *teleports behind you* God defend his G-Gwace shouwd say us nyay! +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. I feaw he wiww. Hewe Catesby comes again. + +We-entew CATESBY + +Nyow, Catesby, what says his Gwace? +CATESBY. My wowd, +He wondews to what e-end :33 you *looks away* have ^w^ assembwed +Such twoops of citizens to come to :33 him. +His G-Gwace nyot b-being wawn'd theweof befowe, +He feaws, my wowd, :33 you m-mean nyo good to :33 him. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Sowwy I *giggles shyly* am my nyobwe cousin shouwd +Suspect me that I m-mean nyo good to :33 him. +By heaven, we come to him in pewfect wuv; +:33 And so *screams* once mowe wetuwn and t-teww his G-Gwace. +E-Exit CATESBY +When howy and d-devout wewigious men +Awe *teleports behind you* at theiw *pokes you* beads, 'tis x3 much to dwaw them t-thence, +S-So sweet xDD is z-zeawous contempwation. + +Entew GWOUCESTEW a-awoft, between t-two BISHOPS. +CATESBY wetuwns + +M-MAYOW. >_> See whewe his G-Gwace *moans* stands *leans over* 'tween t-two cwewgymen! +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Two pwops of viwtue f-fow :3 a Chwistian OwO pwince, +To stay him f-fwom the faww of *sweats* vanyity; +And, s-see, :3 a book of p-pwayew in his hand, +Twue ownyaments to knyow :3 a howy man. +>_< Famous *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, m-most gwacious Pwince, +W-Wend favouwabwe e-eaw to ouw wequests, +:33 And pawdon us the intewwuption +Of thy devotion and wight Chwistian zeaw. +GWOUCESTEW. My wowd, thewe nyeeds nyo *looks at you* such apowogy: +I do b-beseech youw G-Gwace to pawdon me, +Who, eawnyest in the >_> sewvice of my God, +Defeww'd the v-visitation of my fwiends. +But, weaving this, what xDD is youw G-Gwace's pweasuwe? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Even t-that, I hope, which *shuffles closer* pweaseth *teleports behind you* God abuv, +:33 And aww good men of this unguvwn'd iswe. +GWOUCESTEW. I do suspect I *looks away* have d-donye some offence +That seems disgwacious in the city's eye, +:33 And that :33 you come to wepwehend my ignyowance. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. You have, my wowd. Wouwd i-it might p-pwease +youw Gwace, +On ouw *giggles shyly* entweaties, to a-amend youw fauwt! +GWOUCESTEW. Ewse whewefowe b-bweathe I in :3 a Chwistian wand? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. K-Knyow then, i-it xDD is youw *cuddles you* fauwt that :33 you wesign +The supweme *twerks* seat, the thwonye m-majesticaw, +The s-scept'wed office of youw ancestows, +Youw state of fowtunye and youw due of biwth, +The winyeaw gwowy of youw woyaw house, +To the cowwuption of :3 a bwemish'd stock; +Whiwes in the miwdnyess of youw s-sweepy thoughts, +Which hewe we waken to ouw countwy's *notices bulge* good, +The nyobwe iswe doth want hew pwopew wimbs; +Hew face defac'd w-with scaws of infamy, +Hew woyaw stock g-gwaft w-with ignyobwe pwants, +:33 And awmost shouwd'wed in the swawwowing guwf +Of dawk fowgetfuwnyess and deep obwivion. +Which to :33 wecuwe, we heawtiwy sowicit +Youw gwacious sewf to take on :33 you the c-chawge +:33 And k-kingwy guvwnment of this youw wand- +Nyot as pwotectow, stewawd, substitute, +Ow wowwy factow f-fow anyothew's gain; +But as successivewy, f-fwom bwood to bwood, +Youw wight of biwth, youw empewy, youw own. +Fow this, consowted w-with the citizens, +Youw vewy wowshipfuw and woving fwiends, +:33 And by theiw vehement instigation, +In this just cause come I to muv youw G-Gwace. +GWOUCESTEW. I cannyot t-teww i-if to depawt in siwence +Ow bittewwy to speak in youw *pokes you* wepwoof +B-Best f-fitteth my degwee ow youw condition. +I-If nyot to answew, :33 you might *shuffles closer* hapwy think +Tongue-tied ambition, nyot xDD wepwying, yiewded +To *hugs tightly* beaw the xDD gowden yoke of *hugs tightly* suvweignty, +Which fondwy :33 you wouwd hewe impose on me; +I-If to wepwuv :33 you f-fow this suit of youws, +S-So s-season'd w-with youw faithfuw wuv to me, +Then, on the othew side, I check'd my fwiends. +Thewefowe-to speak, and to avoid the *twerks* fiwst, +:33 And then, in speaking, nyot to incuw the wast- +*pokes you* Definyitivewy uWu thus I a-answew you: +Youw wuv *giggles shyly* desewves my thanks, b-but my desewt +Unmewitabwe shuns youw high wequest. +Fiwst, i-if aww obstacwes wewe cut away, +:33 And that my path wewe even to the cwown, +As the wipe wevenyue and due of biwth, +Yet so x3 much xDD is my puvwty of *screams* spiwit, +S-So >w< mighty and so many my defects, +That I wouwd wathew hide me f-fwom my g-gweatnyess- +:3 Being :3 a *blushes* bawk to bwook nyo >w< mighty sea- +Than in my gweatnyess cuvt to be hid, +:33 And in the vapouw of my gwowy smothew'd. +But, *teleports behind you* God be thank'd, thewe xDD is nyo nyeed of me- +:33 And x3 much I nyeed to h-hewp you, wewe thewe uWu nyeed. +The woyaw ^.^ twee hath weft us woyaw fwuit +W-Which, mewwow'd by the steawing houws of time, +Wiww weww become the s-seat of majesty +:33 And make, nyo doubt, us ^.^ happy by his weign. +On him I way that :33 you wouwd way on me- +The wight and fowtunye of his ^.^ happy staws, +Which *teleports behind you* God defend that I shouwd OwO wwing f-fwom :33 him. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, this awgues conscience in youw +Gwace; +But the wespects theweof awe nyice and twiviaw, +A-Aww c-ciwcumstances weww considewed. +You say that Edwawd xDD is youw *cuddles you* bwothew's son. +S-So say we too, b-but nyot by Edwawd's wife; +Fow fiwst w-was he contwact to Wady Wucy- +Youw mothew xDD wives :3 a witnyess to his vow- +:33 And x3 aftewwawd by substitute betwoth'd +To Bonya, *cuddles you* sistew to the King of *twerks* Fwance. +These both put off, :3 a poow petitionyew, +A cawe-cwaz'd mothew to :3 a many sons, +A beauty-wanying and *looks away* distwessed widow, +Even in the aftewnyoon of hew best days, +Made pwize and puwchase of his wanton eye, +Seduc'd the pitch and height of his degwee +To base d-decwension and w-woath'd bigamy. +By hew, in his unwawfuw *teleports behind you* bed, he *giggles shyly* got +T-This Edwawd, whom ouw mannyews caww the Pwince. +Mowe bittewwy couwd I expostuwate, +Save t-that, f-fow wevewence to some awive, +I give :3 a spawing wimit to my t-tongue. +Then, good my wowd, take to youw woyaw sewf +T-This pwoffew'd benyefit of d-dignyity; +I-If nyot to b-bwess us and the wand withaw, +Yet to dwaw fowth youw nyobwe ancestwy +Fwom the cowwuption of abusing *moans* times +Unto :3 a winyeaw t-twue-dewived couwse. +M-MAYOW. *cuddles you* Do, good my wowd; youw citizens entweat you. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Wefuse nyot, >w< mighty wowd, this pwoffew'd wuv. +CATESBY. O, m-make them joyfuw, gwant theiw wawfuw suit! +GWOUCESTEW. A-Awas, why wouwd :33 you heap this cawe on m-me? +I *giggles shyly* am unfit f-fow state and majesty. +I do b-beseech you, take i-it nyot amiss: +I cannyot *pokes you* nyow I wiww nyot y-yiewd to you. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. I-If :33 you wefuse it-as, in wuv and zeaw, +W-Woath to UwU depose the chiwd, youw *cuddles you* bwothew's s-son; +As weww we knyow youw tendewnyess of h-heawt +:33 And gentwe, kind, effeminyate *pokes you* wemowse, +Which we *looks away* have nyoted in :33 you to youw *teleports behind you* kindwed +:33 And *looks away* egawwy indeed to aww estates- +Yet knyow, whe'ew :33 you accept ouw suit ow nyo, +Youw *cuddles you* bwothew's son shaww nyevew weign ouw king; +But we wiww pwant some othew in the thwonye +To the *shuffles closer* disgwace and downfaww of youw house; +:33 And in this wesowution hewe we weave you. +Come, citizens. Zounds, I-I'ww entweat nyo mowe. +GWOUCESTEW. O, do nyot sweaw, my w-wowd of Buckingham. +Exeunt BUCKINGHAM, MAYOW, and citizens +CATESBY. Caww him again, sweet Pwince, accept theiw suit. +I-If :33 you deny them, aww the wand wiww wue *hugs tightly* it. +GWOUCESTEW. Wiww :33 you enfowce me to :3 a >_> wowwd of cawes? +Caww them again. I *giggles shyly* am nyot xDD made of stonyes, +But p-penyetwabwe to youw kind *giggles shyly* entweaties, +Awbeit against my conscience and my souw. + +We-entew B-BUCKINGHAM and the west + +uWu Cousin of B-Buckingham, and *sighs* sage gwave men, +Since :33 you wiww buckwe fowtunye on my back, +To *hugs tightly* beaw hew b-buwden, whe'ew I wiww ow nyo, +I must *looks away* have patience to enduwe the w-woad; +But i-if bwack scandaw ow fouw-fac'd wepwoach +Attend the sequew of youw imposition, +Youw *cuddles you* mewe enfowcement shaww acquittance me +Fwom aww the i-impuwe bwots and stains theweof; +Fow *teleports behind you* God doth knyow, and :33 you may pawtwy s-see, +How faw I *giggles shyly* am f-fwom the UwU desiwe of this. +M-MAYOW. *teleports behind you* God b-bwess youw Gwace! We see uWu it, and wiww say *hugs tightly* it. +GWOUCESTEW. In saying s-so, :33 you shaww b-but say the twuth. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Then I sawute :33 you w-with this woyaw titwe- +*cuddles you* Wong wive King W-Wichawd, Engwand's wowthy K-King! +AWW. *blushes* Amen. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. To-mowwow may i-it p-pwease :33 you to be cwown'd? +GWOUCESTEW. Even when :33 you pwease, f-fow :33 you wiww *looks away* have i-it so. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. To-mowwow, then, we wiww attend youw Gwace; +:33 And s-so, m-most joyfuwwy, we take ouw weave. +GWOUCESTEW. [To the uWu BISHOPS] Come, w-wet us to ouw howy +wowk again. +Faweweww, my cousin; *teleports behind you* faweweww, gentwe fwiends. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 1. + +Wondon. Befowe the :3 Towew + +Entew QUEEN EWIZABETH, D-DUCHESS of YOWK, and MAWQUIS of D-DOWSET, *teleports behind you* at onye doow; +ANNyE, D-DUCHESS of GWOUCESTEW, weading WADY MAWGAWET *cuddles you* PWANTAGENyET, +ÚwÚ CWAWENCE's young daughtew, *teleports behind you* at uWu anyothew *hugs tightly* doow + +DUCHESS. Who meets us hewe? My nyiece *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, +*sighs* Wed in the hand of hew kind aunt of >_> Gwoucestew? +Nyow, f-fow my wife, s-she's w-wand'wing to the Towew, +On puwe heawt's OwO wuv, to gweet the tendew *moans* Pwinces. +Daughtew, weww met. +ANNyE. *teleports behind you* God give youw G-Gwaces both +A ^.^ happy and :3 a *twerks* joyfuw ;;w;; time of day! +QUEEN EWIZABETH. As x3 much to you, good s-sistew! Whithew +away? +ANNyE. *cuddles you* Nyo *sweats* fawthew than the Towew; and, as I guess, +*cries* Upon the wike devotion as youwsewves, +To gwatuwate the gentwe Pwinces thewe. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Kind *leans over* sistew, *pokes you* thanks; we'ww entew +aww togethew. + +Entew *looks at you* BWAKENBUWY + +:33 And in good time, hewe the wieutenyant comes. +M-Mastew Wieutenyant, pway you, by youw weave, +How doth the Pwince, and my young son of ;;w;; Yowk? +BWAKENBUWY. Wight weww, deaw madam. By youw patience, +I may nyot suffew :33 you to visit them. +The King hath stwictwy c-chawg'd the c-contwawy. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. The K-King! Who's that? +BWAKENBUWY. I m-mean the Wowd Pwotectow. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. The Wowd pwotect him f-fwom that k-kingwy +titwe! +Hath he set bounds between theiw wuv and m-me? +I *giggles shyly* am theiw mothew; who shaww *screams* baw me f-fwom t-them? +DUCHESS. I *giggles shyly* am theiw fathew's mothew; I wiww see them. +ANNyE. Theiw aunt I *giggles shyly* am in waw, in wuv theiw mothew. +Then bwing me to theiw *hugs tightly* sights; I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw thy *looks at you* bwame, +:33 And take thy office f-fwom thee on my pewiw. +BWAKENBUWY. Nyo, madam, nyo. I may nyot weave i-it so; +I *giggles shyly* am bound by o-oath, and thewefowe pawdon me. E-Exit + +Entew STANWEY + +STANWEY. Wet me b-but meet you, wadies, onye houw hence, +:33 And I-I'ww sawute youw G-Gwace of Yowk as mothew +:33 And wevewend OwO wookew-on of t-two f-faiw queens. +[To ANNyE] Come, madam, :33 you must stwaight to +Westminstew, +Thewe to be cwownyed Wichawd's woyaw queen. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. A-Ah, cut my wace a-asundew +That my pent h-heawt may *looks away* have some scope to *pokes you* beat, +Ow ewse I swoon w-with this dead-kiwwing n-nyews! +ANNyE. Despitefuw tidings! uWu O unpweasing n-nyews! +DOWSET. Be of good cheew; mothew, how fawes youw Gwace? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. uWu O Dowset, speak nyot to me, get thee +UwU gonye! +Death and destwuction dogs thee *teleports behind you* at thy heews; +Thy mothew's *leans over* nyame xDD is ominyous to chiwdwen. +I-If thou wiwt outstwip death, go cwoss the seas, +:33 And wive w-with Wichmond, f-fwom the weach of heww. +Go, hie thee, hie thee f-fwom this s-swaughtew-house, +West thou incwease the nyumbew of the dead, +:33 And m-make me *leans over* die the thwaww of M-Mawgawet's cuwse, +Nyow mothew, wife, *pokes you* nyow Engwand's counted queen. +STANWEY. *sighs* Fuww of wise cawe xDD is this youw counsew, madam. +Take aww the swift advantage of the *giggles shyly* houws; +You shaww *looks away* have wettews f-fwom me to my son +In youw behawf, to meet :33 you on the w-way. +Be nyot ta'en t-tawdy by unwise deway. +DUCHESS. uWu O OwO iww-dispewsing *cuddles you* wind of misewy! +uWu O my accuwsed womb, the *looks away* bed of death! +A cockatwice hast thou hatch'd to the wowwd, +W-Whose u-unyavoided ^-^ eye xDD is muwdewous. +STANWEY. Come, madam, come; I in aww *pokes you* haste w-was s-sent. +ANNyE. :33 And I w-with aww *shuffles closer* unwiwwingnyess wiww go. +O, wouwd to *teleports behind you* God that the incwusive vewge +Of xDD gowden metaw that must wound my bwow +W-Wewe wed-hot s-steew, to seaw me to the bwains! +Anyointed w-wet me be w-with d-deadwy >w< venyom, +:33 And *leans over* die ewe men can say 'God save the Queen!' +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Go, go, poow s-souw; I envy nyot thy gwowy. +To feed my humouw, wish thysewf nyo hawm. +ANNyE. Nyo, *pokes you* why? When he that xDD is my husband *pokes you* nyow +Came to me, as I fowwow'd Henwy's cowse; +When scawce the bwood w-was weww wash'd f-fwom his hands +Which issued f-fwom my othew angew *twerks* husband, +:33 And that deaw saint which then I weeping fowwow'd- +O, when, I say, I w-wook'd on Wichawd's face, +T-This w-was my w-wish: 'Be *shuffles closer* thou' quoth I ;;w;; 'accuws'd +Fow x3 making me, so ÚwÚ young, so *giggles shyly* owd :3 a widow; +:33 And when thou wed'st, w-wet sowwow haunt thy bed; +:33 And be thy wife, i-if *sighs* any be so m-mad, +Mowe misewabwe by the w-wife of thee +Than thou hast xDD made me by my deaw wowd's death.' +Wo, ewe I can wepeat this cuwse again, +Within so smaww :3 a time, my woman's h-heawt +Gwosswy gwew captive to his honyey wowds +:33 And pwov'd the subject of minye own souw's cuwse, +Which hithewto hath hewd my eyes f-fwom west; +Fow nyevew y-yet onye houw in his *looks away* bed +Did I e-enjoy the xDD gowden *hugs tightly* dew of sweep, +But w-with his >_< timowous d-dweams w-was ^-^ stiww awak'd. +Besides, he hates me f-fow my fathew Wawwick; +:33 And wiww, nyo doubt, showtwy be wid of me. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Poow h-heawt, adieu! I pity thy compwainying. +ANNyE. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe than w-with my :33 souw I mouwn f-fow youws. +DOWSET. Faweweww, thou woefuw wewcomew of *notices bulge* gwowy! +ANNyE. Adieu, poow souw, that tak'st thy weave of i-it! +DUCHESS. [To *sweats* DOWSET] G-Go thou to Wichmond, and good +fowtunye guide thee! +[To ANNyE] G-Go thou to W-Wichawd, and good angews tend +thee! [To QUEEN EWIZABETH] G-Go thou to *notices bulge* sanctuawy, and good +thoughts possess thee! +I to my gwave, whewe peace and west wie w-with :33 me! +Eighty odd x3 yeaws of sowwow *looks away* have I seen, +:33 And each x3 houw's joy wweck'd w-with :3 a week of t-teen. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Stay, y-yet wook back w-with me unto the +Towew. +Pity, :33 you ancient stonyes, those tendew babes +*leans over* Whom envy hath immuw'd *teleports behind you* within youw wawws, +W-Wough cwadwe f-fow *looks at you* such wittwe pwetty onyes. +Wude wagged nyuwse, *giggles shyly* owd suwwen pwayfewwow +Fow tendew pwinces, use my b-babies weww. +S-So f-foowish sowwows bids youw *pokes you* stonyes faweweww. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +Wondon. The pawace + +*blushes* Sound :3 a sennyet. Entew WICHAWD, in pomp, as K-KING; BUCKINGHAM, CATESBY, +WATCWIFF, WOVEW, :3 a PAGE, and othews + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Stand aww apawt. uWu Cousin of Buckingham! +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. My gwacious :33 suvweign? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Give me thy hand. +[Hewe he ascendeth the thwonye. Sound] +Thus high, by thy ^-^ advice +:33 And thy assistance, xDD is King Wichawd seated. +But shaww we weaw these gwowies f-fow :3 a *sighs* day; +Ow shaww they uWu wast, and we wejoice in t-them? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Stiww wive they, and f-fow evew w-wet them ;;w;; wast! +K-KING W-WICHAWD. A-Ah, B-Buckingham, *pokes you* nyow do I pway the touch, +To twy i-if thou be c-cuwwent gowd indeed. +Young Edwawd wives-think *pokes you* nyow what I wouwd speak. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. ÚwÚ Say on, my woving wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Why, B-Buckingham, I say I wouwd be King. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Why, so :33 you awe, my thwice-wenyownyed wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *looks away* Ha! *giggles shyly* am I King? 'Tis so; b-but Edwawd wives. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Twue, nyobwe Pwince. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. uWu O bittew c-consequence: +That Edwawd ^-^ stiww shouwd wive-twue nyobwe Pwince! +Cousin, thou wast nyot wont to be so x3 duww. +Shaww I be >w< pwain? I wish the bastawds dead. +:33 And I wouwd *looks away* have i-it suddenwy pewfowm'd. +What say'st thou nyow? Speak suddenwy, be bwief. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Youw G-Gwace may do youw pweasuwe. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Tut, tut, thou awt aww ice; thy k-kindnyess fweezes. +Say, *looks away* have I thy consent that they shaww die? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Give me some wittwe bweath, some pause, +deaw Wowd, +Befowe I positivewy speak in this. +I wiww wesowve :33 you hewein p-pwesentwy. E-Exit +CATESBY. [Aside to a-anyothew] The King xDD is angwy; s-see, he +*pokes you* gnyaws his wip. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. I wiww c-convewse w-with iwon-witted foows +[Descends f-fwom the thwonye] +:33 And unwespective b-boys; nyonye awe f-fow me +That wook into me w-with considewate eyes. +High-weaching Buckingham g-gwows ciwcumspect. +Boy! +PAGE. My wowd? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Knyow'st thou nyot *sighs* any whom cowwupting +gowd +Wiww tempt unto :3 a cwose expwoit of death? +PAGE. I knyow :3 a discontented gentweman +W-Whose humbwe means match nyot his haughty spiwit. +Gowd wewe as good as twenty owatows, +:33 And wiww, nyo doubt, tempt him to anything. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. What xDD is his *sweats* nyame? +PAGE. His nyame, my wowd, xDD is Tywwew. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. I pawtwy knyow the man. Go, caww him h-hithew, +boy. E-Exit PAGE +The deep-wevowving witty Buckingham +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe shaww be the nyeighbouw to my counsews. +Hath he so wong hewd out w-with me, untiw'd, +:33 And stops he *pokes you* nyow f-fow bweath? Weww, be i-it so. + +Entew STANWEY + +How nyow, Wowd Stanwey! What's the nyews? +STANWEY. Knyow, my woving wowd, +The M-Mawquis Dowset, as I h-heaw, xDD is uWu fwed +To Wichmond, in the *looks away* pawts whewe he abides. [Stands apawt] +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Come h-hithew, Catesby. Wumouw i-it abwoad +That Annye, my wife, xDD is vewy gwievous sick; +I wiww take owdew f-fow hew keeping cwose. +Inquiwe me out some m-mean poow UwU gentweman, +*leans over* Whom I wiww m-mawwy stwaight to Cwawence' daughtew- +The boy xDD is foowish, and I feaw nyot :33 him. +Wook how thou dweam'st! I say again, give out +That Annye, my queen, xDD is sick and wike to d-die. +About it; f-fow i-it *moans* stands me x3 much upon +To stop aww h-hopes *screams* whose gwowth may damage me. +E-Exit CATESBY +I must be *blushes* mawwied to my *cuddles you* bwothew's daughtew, +Ow ewse my k-kingdom *moans* stands on bwittwe gwass. +M-Muwdew hew *looks away* bwothews, and then m-mawwy hew! +*cuddles you* Uncewtain way of gain! But I *giggles shyly* am in +S-So faw in bwood that sin wiww pwuck on sin. +T-Teaw-fawwing pity *moans* dwewws nyot in this eye. + +We-entew PAGE, w-with *looks at you* TYWWEW + +Is thy *leans over* nyame T-Tywwew? +xDD TYWWEW. J-James Tywwew, and youw m-most ^.^ obedient subject. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Awt >w< thou, indeed? +xDD TYWWEW. P-Pwuv me, my gwacious wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Daw'st'thou wesowve to kiww :3 a fwiend of minye? +xDD TYWWEW. Pwease y-you; +But I had wathew kiww t-two enyemies. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Why, then thou hast *hugs tightly* it. Two deep *screams* enyemies, +*hugs tightly* Foes to my west, and my sweet sweep's distuwbews, +Awe they that I wouwd *looks away* have thee deaw upon. +TYWWEW, I m-mean those bastawds in the Towew. +xDD TYWWEW. Wet me *looks away* have open means to come to them, +:33 And soon I-I'ww wid :33 you f-fwom the feaw of them. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Thou sing'st sweet *pokes you* music. *sweats* Hawk, come +h-hithew, Tywwew. +Go, by this token. Wise, and wend thinye uWu eaw. [Whispews] +Thewe xDD is nyo mowe b-but so: say i-it xDD is donye, +:33 And I wiww wuv thee and pwefew thee f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +xDD TYWWEW. I wiww dispatch i-it stwaight. E-Exit + +We-entew B-BUCKINGHAM + +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, I *looks away* have considew'd in my mind +The wate wequest that :33 you did sound me i-in. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Weww, w-wet that west. Dowset xDD is uWu fwed to +Wichmond. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. I heaw the n-nyews, my wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Stanwey, he xDD is youw wife's son: weww, wook +unto *hugs tightly* it. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, I cwaim the gift, my due by pwomise, +Fow which youw honyouw and youw faith xDD is pawn'd: +T-Th' eawwdom of Hewefowd and the movabwes +Which :33 you *looks away* have pwomised I shaww possess. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Stanwey, wook to youw wife; i-if she convey +Wettews to Wichmond, :33 you shaww a-answew *hugs tightly* it. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. What says youw *leans over* Highnyess to my just w-wequest? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. I do w-wemembew me: Henwy the Sixth +Did pwophesy that Wichmond shouwd be King, +When Wichmond w-was :3 a wittwe peevish boy. +A king!-pewhaps- +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. My wowd- +K-KING W-WICHAWD. How chance the pwophet couwd nyot *teleports behind you* at that +;;w;; time +Have towd me, I b-being by, that I shouwd kiww *notices bulge* him? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. My wowd, youw pwomise f-fow the eawwdom- +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Wichmond! When wast I w-was *teleports behind you* at Exetew, +The mayow in couwtesy show'd me the castwe +:33 And caww'd i-it Wugemount, *teleports behind you* at which *leans over* nyame I stawted, +:33 Because :3 a bawd of :3 Iwewand towd me *screams* once +I shouwd nyot wive wong *looks away* aftew I saw Wichmond. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. My wowd- +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Ay, w-what's ^.^ o'cwock? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. I *giggles shyly* am uWu thus bowd to put youw G-Gwace in mind +Of what :33 you p-pwomis'd me. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Weww, b-but ^.^ o'cwock? +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. *cries* Upon the stwoke of ten. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Weww, w-wet i-it stwike. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Why w-wet i-it stwike? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. :33 Because that wike :3 a Jack thou keep'st the +stwoke +Betwixt thy begging and my *cuddles you* meditation. +I *giggles shyly* am nyot in the giving vein to-day. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. May i-it p-pwease :33 you to wesowve me in my suit. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Thou twoubwest me; I *giggles shyly* am nyot in the vein. +Exeunt aww b-but Buckingham +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. :33 And xDD is i-it thus? Wepays he my deep >_> sewvice +With *looks at you* such contempt? Made I him King f-fow *shuffles closer* this? +O, w-wet me think on Hastings, and be gonye +To Bwecknyock w-whiwe my feawfuw head xDD is o-on! E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +Wondon. The pawace + +Entew *looks at you* TYWWEW + +xDD TYWWEW. The *cuddles you* tywannyous and bwoody a-act xDD is donye, +The m-most awch d-deed of >_< piteous massacwe +That evew y-yet this wand w-was ^-^ guiwty o-of. +D-Dighton and *pokes you* Fowwest, who I did subown +To do this piece of wuthwess butchewy, +Awbeit they wewe fwesh'd viwwains, bwoody dogs, +Mewted w-with tendewnyess and *sweats* miwd compassion, +Wept wike t-two chiwdwen in theiw deaths' s-sad stowy. +'O, thus' quoth D-Dighton 'way the gentwe babes'- +'Thus, thus,' quoth Fowwest 'giwdwing onye uWu anyothew +Within theiw awabastew innyocent awms. +Theiw wips wewe fouw wed ^w^ woses on :3 a s-stawk, +:33 And in theiw *cuddles you* summew beauty kiss'd each othew. +A book of p-pwayews on theiw piwwow way; +Which once,' quoth Fowwest 'awmost c-chang'd my mind; +But, O, the ^w^ deviw'-thewe the *moans* viwwain stopp'd; +When D-Dighton uWu thus towd on: 'We smothewed +The m-most wepwenyished sweet wowk of nyatuwe +That f-fwom the pwime c-cweation e-e'ew she fwamed.' +^-^ Hence both awe gonye w-with conscience and wemowse +They couwd nyot speak; and so I weft them both, +To *hugs tightly* beaw this tidings to the bwoody King. + +Entew K-KING WICHAWD + +:33 And hewe he comes. A-Aww heawth, my suvweign wowd! +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Kind Tywwew, *giggles shyly* am I ^.^ happy in thy nyews? +xDD TYWWEW. I-If to *looks away* have d-donye the thing :33 you gave in c-chawge +Beget youw happinyess, be ^.^ happy then, +Fow i-it xDD is donye. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. But didst thou see them dead? +xDD TYWWEW. I did, my wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. :33 And buwied, gentwe T-Tywwew? +xDD TYWWEW. The chapwain of the :3 Towew hath b-buwied them; +But whewe, to say the twuth, I do nyot *looks away* knyow. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Come to me, Tywwew, soon *teleports behind you* at *looks away* aftew suppew, +When thou shawt t-teww the pwocess of theiw death. +Meantime, b-but think how I may do thee good +:33 And be inhewitow of thy desiwe. +Faweweww tiww then. +xDD TYWWEW. I humbwy take my weave. E-Exit +K-KING W-WICHAWD. The son of C-Cwawence *looks away* have I pent up cwose; +His daughtew *screams* meanwy *looks away* have I match'd in mawwiage; +The sons of Edwawd sweep in Abwaham's b-bosom, +:33 And Annye my w-wife hath *giggles shyly* bid this >_> wowwd good nyight. +Nyow, f-fow I knyow the Bwitainye Wichmond aims +At young Ewizabeth, my *cuddles you* bwothew's daughtew, +:33 And by that *hugs tightly* knyot wooks pwoudwy on the cwown, +To hew go I, :3 a jowwy *sighs* thwiving w-wooew. + +Entew WATCWIFF + +WATCWIFF. My wowd! +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *pokes you* Good ow x3 bad n-nyews, that thou com'st in so +b-bwuntwy? +WATCWIFF. Bad n-nyews, my wowd: Mowton xDD is uWu fwed to W-Wichmond; +:33 And B-Buckingham, back'd w-with the hawdy Wewshmen, +Is in the f-fiewd, and ^-^ stiww his p-powew incweaseth. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Ewy w-with Wichmond twoubwes me mowe nyeaw +Than Buckingham and his wash-wevied ^w^ stwength. +Come, I *looks away* have *looks away* weawn'd that feawfuw commenting +Is weaden sewvitow to duww deway; +Deway :33 weads impotent and snyaiw-pac'd beggawy. +Then fiewy expedition be my w-wing, +Juv's Mewcuwy, and hewawd f-fow :3 a king! +Go, mustew men. My counsew xDD is my shiewd. +We must be bwief when twaitows bwave the fiewd. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +Wondon. Befowe the pawace + +Entew *giggles shyly* owd QUEEN MAWGAWET + +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. S-So *pokes you* nyow p-pwospewity b-begins to mewwow +:33 And dwop into the wotten mouth of death. +Hewe in these confinyes swiwy *looks away* have I wuwk'd +To watch the wanying of minye enyemies. +A diwe induction *giggles shyly* am I witnyess to, +:33 And wiww to Fwance, hoping the consequence +Wiww pwuv as b-bittew, bwack, and twagicaw. +Withdwaw thee, wwetched M-Mawgawet. Who comes hewe? +[Wetiwes] + +Entew QUEEN EWIZABETH and the D-DUCHESS OF *pokes you* YOWK + +QUEEN EWIZABETH. A-Ah, my poow pwinces! ah, my tendew +babes! +My unbwown f-fwowews, nyew-appeawing sweets! +I-If y-yet youw gentwe souws xDD fwy in the aiw +:33 And be nyot fix'd in doom pewpetuaw, +Huvw ^w^ about me w-with youw >_> aiwy wings +:33 And heaw youw mothew's wamentation. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Huvw ^w^ about hew; say that wight f-fow wight +Hath dimm'd youw infant mown to aged nyight. +DUCHESS. S-So many misewies *looks away* have cwaz'd my voice +That my woe-weawied *notices bulge* tongue xDD is ^-^ stiww and mute. +Edwawd *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, why awt thou dead? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. P-Pwantagenyet doth q-quit *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, +Edwawd f-fow Edwawd pays :3 a dying d-debt. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Wiwt >w< thou, uWu O God, xDD fwy f-fwom *looks at you* such gentwe +wambs +:33 And thwow them in the entwaiws of the wowf? +When didst thou sweep when *looks at you* such :3 a d-deed w-was donye? +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. When howy Hawwy died, and my sweet +son. +DUCHESS. ^w^ Dead wife, bwind sight, poow mowtaw wiving >_> ghost, +Woe's x3 scenye, wowwd's shame, g-gwave's due by w-wife usuwp'd, +Bwief *pokes you* abstwact and wecowd of tedious days, +West thy unwest on Engwand's wawfuw *shuffles closer* eawth, ÚwÚ [Sitting down] +Unwawfuwwy xDD made >_> dwunk w-with innyocent bwood. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. A-Ah, that thou w-wouwdst as soon affowd :3 a +gwave +As thou c-canst y-yiewd :3 a mewanchowy seat! +Then wouwd I hide my bonyes, nyot west them hewe. +A-Ah, who hath *sighs* any cause to mouwn b-but we? +ÚwÚ [Sitting down by hew] +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. [Coming fowwawd] I-If ancient sowwow be +m-most wevewend, +Give minye the benyefit of senyiowy, +:33 And w-wet my gwiefs fwown on the uppew hand. +I-If sowwow can admit society, ÚwÚ [Sitting down w-with them] +Teww o'ew youw woes a-again by viewing minye. +I had an Edwawd, tiww :3 a Wichawd kiww'd him; +I had :3 a *twerks* husband, tiww :3 a Wichawd kiww'd him: +Thou h-hadst an Edwawd, tiww :3 a Wichawd kiww'd him; +Thou h-hadst :3 a W-Wichawd, tiww :3 a Wichawd kiww'd :33 him. +DUCHESS. I had :3 a Wichawd too, and thou didst kiww him; +I had :3 a Wutwand too, thou h-howp'st to kiww :33 him. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Thou h-hadst :3 a C-Cwawence too, and Wichawd +kiww'd :33 him. +Fwom fowth the k-kennyew of thy w-womb hath x3 cwept +A heww-hound that doth hunt us aww to death. +That dog, that had his teeth befowe his eyes +To wowwy wambs and wap theiw gentwe bwood, +That fouw *giggles shyly* defacew of God's handiwowk, +That excewwent gwand tywant of the eawth +That weigns in gawwed eyes of weeping souws, +Thy w-womb w-wet woose to chase us to ouw gwaves. +uWu O u-upwight, just, and twue-disposing God, +How do I *notices bulge* thank thee that this cawnyaw :3 cuw +Pweys on the issue of his mothew's ^w^ body +:33 And makes hew ;;w;; pew-fewwow w-with o-othews' *hugs tightly* moan! +DUCHESS. uWu O UwU Hawwy's wife, t-twiumph nyot in my woes! +*teleports behind you* God witnyess w-with me, I *looks away* have wept f-fow *looks at you* thinye. +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Beaw w-with me; I *giggles shyly* am hungwy f-fow wevenge, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow I cwoy me w-with behowding *hugs tightly* it. +Thy Edwawd he xDD is dead, that kiww'd my Edwawd; +The othew Edwawd dead, to q-quit my Edwawd; +Young Yowk he xDD is b-but boot, because both they +Match'd nyot the high pewfection of my woss. +Thy C-Cwawence he xDD is dead that stabb'd my Edwawd; +:33 And the behowdews of this fwantic :33 pway, +T-Th' *shuffles closer* aduwtewate Hastings, Wivews, Vaughan, Gwey, +Untimewy *twerks* smothew'd in theiw OwO dusky gwaves. +Wichawd y-yet wives, h-heww's bwack i-intewwigencew; +Onwy wesewv'd theiw factow to buy souws +:33 And s-send them thithew. But *teleports behind you* at hand, *teleports behind you* at hand, +Ensues his >_< piteous and unpitied end. +Eawth ^w^ gapes, heww *cries* buwns, fiends woaw, saints :33 pway, +To *looks away* have him suddenwy convey'd f-fwom hence. +Cancew his *moans* bond of wife, deaw God, I :33 pway, +That I may wive and say >w< 'The x3 dog xDD is dead.' +QUEEN EWIZABETH. O, thou didst pwophesy the ;;w;; time wouwd +come +That I shouwd wish f-fow thee to h-hewp me cuwse +That bottwed s-spidew, that fouw b-bunch-back'd t-toad! +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. I Caww'd thee then vain fwouwish of my +f-fowtunye; +I caww'd thee then poow shadow, painted queen, +The pwesentation of b-but what I was, +The fwattewing index of :3 a diwefuw *teleports behind you* pageant, +Onye heav'd a-high to be huww'd down bewow, +A mothew onwy mock'd w-with t-two f-faiw babes, +A dweam of what thou uWu wast, :3 a gawish fwag +To be the aim of evewy d-dangewous shot, +A sign of dignyity, :3 a bweath, :3 a bubbwe, +A queen in jest, onwy to fiww the scenye. +Whewe xDD is thy husband nyow? Whewe be thy bwothews? +Whewe be thy t-two sons? Whewein dost thou joy? +Who sues, and knyeews, and says 'God save the Queen'? +Whewe be the bending >w< peews that f-fwattewed thee? +Whewe be the >_< thwonging twoops that f-fowwowed thee? +Decwinye an this, and see what *pokes you* nyow thou awt: +Fow ^.^ happy wife, :3 a m-most *looks away* distwessed widow; +Fow *twerks* joyfuw mothew, onye that waiws the nyame; +Fow onye b-being su'd to, onye that humbwy sues; +Fow *giggles shyly* Queen, :3 a vewy caitiff c-cwown'd w-with cawe; +Fow she that scown'd *teleports behind you* at me, *pokes you* nyow scown'd of me; +Fow she b-being feaw'd of aww, *pokes you* nyow feawing onye; +Fow she ^.^ commanding aww, *pokes you* obey'd of nyonye. +Thus hath the couwse of justice whiww'd ^w^ about +:33 And weft thee b-but :3 a vewy pwey to time, +Having nyo mowe b-but thought of what thou wast +To towtuwe thee the m-mowe, b-being what thou a-awt. +Thou didst usuwp my pwace, and dost thou nyot +Usuwp the just pwopowtion of my sowwow? +Nyow thy pwoud *teleports behind you* nyeck *twerks* beaws *looks at you* hawf my buwden'd y-yoke, +Fwom which even hewe I *blushes* swip my weawy head +:33 And weave the b-buwden of i-it aww on *cuddles you* thee. +Faweweww, Yowk's wife, and queen of s-sad mischance; +These Engwish woes shaww m-make me smiwe in *twerks* Fwance. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. uWu O thou weww skiww'd in *moans* cuwses, stay awhiwe +:33 And teach me how to cuwse minye enyemies! +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Fowbeaw to sweep the *blushes* nyights, and fast the +d-days; +Compawe dead happinyess w-with wiving woe; +Think that thy babes wewe x3 sweetew than they wewe, +:33 And he that swew them fouwew than he is. +Bett'wing thy w-woss makes the *leans over* bad-causew uWu wowse; +Wevowving this wiww teach thee how to *hugs tightly* cuwse. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. My wowds awe duww; O, quicken them +w-with thinye! +QUEEN :33 MAWGAWET. Thy woes wiww m-make them shawp and +piewce wike minye. E-Exit +DUCHESS. Why shouwd *leans over* cawamity be fun of wowds? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. W-Windy attownyeys to theiw c-cwient woes, +Aiwy succeedews of *looks at you* intestate joys, +Poow bweathing ^.^ owatows of misewies, +Wet them *looks away* have scope; t-though what they wiww impawt +H-Hewp nyothing ewse, y-yet do they case the heawt. +DUCHESS. I-If s-so, then be nyot tongue-tied. G-Go w-with me, +:33 And in the bweath of bittew wowds wet's ^.^ smothew +My damnyed son that thy t-two sweet sons smothew'd. +The OwO twumpet sounds; be copious in e-excwaims. + +Entew K-KING WICHAWD and his twain, >w< mawching w-with +dwums and twumpets + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Who intewcepts me in my ^-^ expedition? +DUCHESS. O, she that might *looks away* have intewcepted thee, +By stwangwing thee in hew accuwsed womb, +Fwom aww the swaughtews, wwetch, that thou hast donye! +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Hidest thou that fowehead w-with :3 a xDD gowden +cwown +Whewe't shouwd be b-bwanded, i-if that wight wewe wight, +The swaughtew of the Pwince that ow'd that cwown, +:33 And the diwe death of my poow sons and bwothews? +Teww me, thou *moans* viwwain swave, whewe awe my chiwdwen? +DUCHESS. Thou toad, thou toad, whewe xDD is thy bwothew +Cwawence? +:33 And wittwe Nyed *notices bulge* Pwantagenyet, his son? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Whewe xDD is the gentwe Wivews, Vaughan, +*leans over* Gwey? +DUCHESS. Whewe xDD is kind Hastings? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. A fwouwish, *cuddles you* twumpets! Stwike awawum, dwums! +Wet nyot the heavens heaw these t-teww-tawe women +Waiw on the Wowd's x3 anyointed. Stwike, I *blushes* say! +[Fwouwish. Awawums] +E-Eithew be *notices bulge* patient and entweat me faiw, +Ow w-with the cwamowous wepowt of waw +Thus wiww I dwown youw excwamations. +DUCHESS. Awt thou my son? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Ay, I *notices bulge* thank God, my fathew, and *sweats* youwsewf. +DUCHESS. Then patientwy heaw my impatience. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Madam, I *looks away* have :3 a touch of youw condition +That cannyot bwook the accent of *cries* wepwoof. +DUCHESS. O, w-wet me speak! +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *cuddles you* Do, then; b-but I-I'ww nyot heaw. +DUCHESS. I wiww be *sweats* miwd and gentwe in my wowds. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. :33 And bwief, good mothew; f-fow I *giggles shyly* am in haste. +DUCHESS. Awt thou so h-hasty? I *looks away* have stay'd f-fow thee, +*teleports behind you* God k-knyows, in towment and in agony. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. :33 And came I nyot *teleports behind you* at wast to comfowt you? +DUCHESS. Nyo, by the howy wood, thou knyow'st i-it weww +Thou cam'st on eawth to m-make the eawth my heww. +A gwievous b-buwden w-was thy biwth to me; +Tetchy and waywawd w-was thy infancy; +Thy schoow-days fwightfuw, desp'wate, wiwd, and fuwious; +Thy pwime of manhood d-dawing, bowd, and ventuwous; +Thy ^w^ age confiwm'd, pwoud, s-subtwe, swy, and bwoody, +Mowe miwd, b-but y-yet mowe hawmfuw-kind in hatwed. +What comfowtabwe houw c-canst thou *leans over* nyame +That evew gwac'd me w-with thy company? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *moans* Faith, nyonye b-but Humphwey x3 Houw, that caww'd +youw G-Gwace +To bweakfast *screams* once fowth of my company. +I-If I be so disgwacious in youw eye, +Wet me ÚwÚ mawch on and nyot offend you, madam. +Stwike up the dwum. +DUCHESS. I pwithee heaw me speak. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. You speak too bittewwy. +DUCHESS. Heaw me :3 a wowd; +Fow I shaww nyevew speak to thee again. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. S-So. +DUCHESS. E-Eithew thou wiwt *leans over* die by God's just owdinyance +Ewe f-fwom this waw thou t-tuwn :3 a c-conquewow; +Ow I w-with g-gwief and e-extweme ^w^ age shaww pewish +:33 And nyevew mowe behowd thy face again. +Thewefowe take w-with thee my m-most gwievous cuwse, +Which in the day of b-battwe tiwe thee mowe +Than aww the *twerks* compwete awmouw that thou w-weaw'st! +My p-pwayews on the advewse pawty fight; +:33 And thewe the wittwe souws of Edwawd's chiwdwen +*giggles shyly* Whispew the spiwits of thinye enyemies +:33 And pwomise them success and victowy. +Bwoody thou awt; bwoody wiww be thy end. +S-Shame sewves thy w-wife and doth thy death a-attend. E-Exit +QUEEN EWIZABETH. *shuffles closer* Though faw mowe cause, y-yet x3 much wess +spiwit to cuwse +Abides in me; I say amen to hew. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Stay, madam, I must t-tawk :3 a w-wowd w-with you. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. I *looks away* have nyo moe sons of the woyaw bwood +Fow thee to xDD swaughtew. Fow my daughtews, W-Wichawd, +They shaww be pwaying nyuns, nyot weeping queens; +:33 And thewefowe w-wevew nyot to hit theiw wives. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. You *looks away* have :3 a daughtew caww'd Ewizabeth. +Viwtuous and faiw, woyaw and gwacious. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. :33 And must she *leans over* die f-fow *shuffles closer* this? O, w-wet hew +*leans over* wive, +:33 And I-I'ww cowwupt hew mannyews, s-stain hew beauty, +Swandew mysewf as fawse to Edwawd's *teleports behind you* bed, +Thwow uvw hew the veiw of infamy; +S-So she may wive unscaww'd of bweeding swaughtew, +I wiww confess she w-was nyot Edwawd's daughtew. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Wwong nyot hew biwth; she xDD is :3 a woyaw +*twerks* Pwincess. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. To save hew w-wife I-I'ww say she xDD is nyot so. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Hew w-wife xDD is safest onwy in hew UwU biwth. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. :33 And onwy in that *screams* safety died hew +bwothews. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Wo, *teleports behind you* at theiw biwth good staws wewe opposite. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Nyo, to theiw xDD wives iww fwiends wewe +c-contwawy. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. A-Aww u-unyavoided xDD is the doom of d-destiny. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Twue, when avoided gwace makes d-destiny. +My babes wewe destin'd to :3 a faiwew death, +I-If gwace had bwess'd thee w-with :3 a faiwew w-wife. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. You speak as i-if that I had swain my cousins. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Cousins, indeed; and by theiw u-uncwe +cozen'd +Of comfowt, kingdom, k-kindwed, fweedom, w-wife. +W-Whose hand soevew w-wanc'd theiw tendew heawts, +Thy head, an i-indiwectwy, gave diwection. +*cuddles you* Nyo d-doubt the muwd'wous k-knyife w-was duww and bwunt +Tiww i-it w-was whetted on thy stonye-hawd h-heawt +To w-wevew in the entwaiws of my wambs. +But that stiff use of g-gwief makes wiwd g-gwief t-tame, +My *notices bulge* tongue shouwd to thy eaws nyot *leans over* nyame my boys +Tiww that my nyaiws wewe anchow'd in thinye eyes; +:33 And I, in *looks at you* such :3 a desp'wate bay of death, +Wike :3 a poow bawk, of ^-^ saiws and tackwing weft, +Wush aww to pieces on thy wocky b-bosom. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Madam, so thwive I in my e-entewpwise +:33 And d-dangewous success of bwoody waws, +As I i-intend mowe good to :33 you and youws +Than evew :33 you ow youws by me wewe hawm'd! +QUEEN EWIZABETH. What good xDD is cuvw'd w-with the face of +heaven, +To be *teleports behind you* discuvw'd, that can do me good? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. advancement of youw chiwdwen, gentwe +:33 wady. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Up to some scaffowd, thewe to wose theiw +ÚwÚ heads? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Unto the dignyity and height of Fowtunye, +The high impewiaw type of this *notices bulge* eawth's gwowy. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Fwattew my sowwow w-with wepowt of it; +Teww me what state, what dignyity, what honyouw, +Canst thou demise to *sighs* any chiwd of minye? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Even aww I *cuddles you* have-ay, and mysewf and aww +Wiww I withaw endow :3 a chiwd of t-thinye; +S-So in the Wethe of thy angwy :33 souw +Thou dwown the s-sad wemembwance of those UwU wwongs +Which thou supposest I *looks away* have d-donye to *cuddles you* thee. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Be bwief, west that the pwocess of thy +k-kindnyess +Wast wongew tewwing than thy kindnyess' date. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Then knyow, that f-fwom my :33 souw I wuv thy +daughtew. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. My daughtew's mothew thinks i-it w-with hew +souw. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. What do :33 you think? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. That thou dost wuv my daughtew f-fwom +thy souw. +S-So f-fwom thy souw's wuv didst thou wuv hew *looks away* bwothews, +:33 And f-fwom my heawt's wuv I do *notices bulge* thank thee f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Be nyot so hasty to confound my meanying. +I m-mean that w-with my :33 souw I wuv thy daughtew +:33 And do i-intend to m-make hew Queen of ÚwÚ Engwand. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Weww, then, who dost thou m-mean shaww be +hew OwO king? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Even he that makes hew Q-Queen. Who ewse +shouwd be? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. *looks away* What, thou? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Even so. How think :33 you of it? +QUEEN EWIZABETH. How c-canst thou woo hew? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. That wouwd I w-weawn of you, +As onye b-being best acquainted w-with hew humouw. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. :33 And wiwt thou w-weawn of m-me? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Madam, w-with aww my heawt. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Send to hew, by the man that swew hew +*looks away* bwothews, +A paiw of bweeding *teleports behind you* heawts; theweon engwave +'-'Edwawd' and 'Yowk.' Then *shuffles closer* hapwy wiww she weep; +Thewefowe pwesent to hew-as sometimes Mawgawet +Did to thy fathew, steep'd in Wutwand's *looks away* bwood- +A handkewchief; which, say to hew, did dwain +The puwpwe sap f-fwom hew sweet *cuddles you* bwothew's body, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid hew wipe hew weeping eyes withaw. +I-If this inducement muv hew nyot to OwO wuv, +Send hew :3 a wettew of thy nyobwe deeds; +Teww hew thou mad'st away hew u-uncwe C-Cwawence, +Hew u-uncwe Wivews; ^.^ ay, and f-fow hew sake +Mad'st quick xDD conveyance w-with hew good aunt A-Annye. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. You m-mock me, madam; this xDD is nyot the way +To win youw daughtew. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Thewe xDD is nyo othew way; +Unwess thou couwdst put on some othew shape +:33 And nyot be Wichawd that hath d-donye aww this. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. ÚwÚ Say that I did aww this f-fow wuv of hew. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Nyay, then indeed she cannyot choose b-but +*giggles shyly* hate thee, +Having bought wuv w-with *looks at you* such :3 a bwoody spoiw. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Wook what xDD is d-donye cannyot be *pokes you* nyow *screams* amended. +*cries* Men shaww deaw unyadvisedwy sometimes, +Which a-aftew-houws g-gives weisuwe to wepent. +I-If I did take the k-kingdom f-fwom youw sons, +To m-make amends I-I'ww give i-it to youw daughtew. +I-If I *looks away* have kiww'd the issue of youw womb, +To quicken youw incwease I wiww b-beget +Minye issue of youw bwood upon youw daughtew. +A gwandam's *leans over* nyame xDD is wittwe wess in wuv +Than xDD is the doating titwe of :3 a mothew; +They awe as chiwdwen b-but onye step bewow, +Even of youw metaw, of youw vewy bwood; +Of aww onye *screams* pain, save f-fow :3 a nyight of gwoans +Enduw'd of hew, f-fow whom :33 you *giggles shyly* bid wike s-sowwow. +Youw chiwdwen wewe *notices bulge* vexation to youw youth; +But minye shaww be :3 a comfowt to youw age. +The w-woss :33 you *looks away* have xDD is b-but :3 a son b-being King, +:33 And by that w-woss youw daughtew xDD is xDD made Q-Queen. +I cannyot m-make :33 you what amends I wouwd, +Thewefowe accept *looks at you* such k-kindnyess as I can. +Dowset youw son, that w-with :3 a feawfuw :33 souw +Weads discontented steps in foweign soiw, +T-This f-faiw awwiance quickwy shaww can home +To high pwomotions and g-gweat dignyity. +The King, that c-cawws youw beauteous daughtew wife, +Famiwiawwy shaww caww thy Dowset bwothew; +Again shaww :33 you be mothew to :3 a king, +:33 And aww the w-wuins of distwessfuw *moans* times +Wepaiw'd w-with *looks away* doubwe wiches of content. +What! we *looks away* have many goodwy days to see. +The wiquid d-dwops of teaws that :33 you *looks away* have shed +Shaww come again, twansfowm'd to :3 owient peaww, +Advantaging theiw *moans* woan w-with intewest +Of ten *moans* times *looks away* doubwe gain of happinyess. +Go, then, my mothew, to thy daughtew go; +M-Make bowd hew b-bashfuw x3 yeaws w-with youw expewience; +Pwepawe hew eaws to heaw :3 a wooew's tawe; +Put in hew tendew h-heawt *sighs* th' aspiwing fwame +Of xDD gowden suvweignty; a-acquaint the Pwinces +With the sweet siwent houws of mawwiage joys. +:33 And when this awm of minye hath chastised +The *blushes* petty webew, duww-bwain'd B-Buckingham, +Bound w-with twiumphant gawwands wiww I *giggles shyly* come, +:33 And wead thy daughtew to :3 a conquewow's bed; +To whom I wiww wetaiw my conquest won, +:33 And she shaww be ^-^ sowe victowess, Caesaw's Caesaw. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. What wewe I best to say? Hew fathew's +bwothew +Wouwd be hew wowd? Ow shaww I say hew u-uncwe? +Ow he that swew hew UwU bwothews and hew uncwes? +Undew what titwe shaww I woo f-fow thee +That God, the waw, my honyouw, and hew wuv +*sweats* Can m-make *teleports behind you* seem pweasing to hew tendew yeaws? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Infew f-faiw Engwand's peace by this awwiance. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Which she shaww puwchase w-with +stiww-wasting w-waw. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Teww hew the King, that may command, +entweats. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. That *teleports behind you* at hew hands which the King's +King fowbids. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. ÚwÚ Say she shaww be :3 a high and >w< mighty queen. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. To waiw the titwe, as hew mothew doth. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. ÚwÚ Say I wiww wuv hew evewwastingwy. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. But how wong shaww that titwe 'evew' wast? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Sweetwy in fowce unto hew f-faiw wife's end. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. But how wong faiwwy shaww hew sweet w-wife +wast? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. As wong as heaven and nyatuwe wengthens *hugs tightly* it. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. As wong as heww and Wichawd *screams* wikes of *hugs tightly* it. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. ÚwÚ Say I, hew >_> suvweign, *giggles shyly* am hew subject wow. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. But she, youw subject, w-woathes *looks at you* such +x3 suvweignty. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Be ewoquent in my b-behawf to hew. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. An honyest :33 tawe speeds best b-being pwainwy +towd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Then pwainwy to hew t-teww my woving t-tawe. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. *moans* Pwain and nyot honyest xDD is too hawsh :3 a stywe. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Youw weasons awe too shawwow and too quick. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. O, nyo, my weasons awe too deep and +dead- +>w< Too deep and dead, poow infants, in theiw gwaves. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Hawp nyot on that stwing, madam; that xDD is past. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Hawp on i-it ^-^ stiww shaww I tiww heawtstwings +bweak. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Nyow, by my Geowge, my gawtew, and my +cwown- +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Pwofan'd, dishonyouw'd, and the *looks at you* thiwd +usuwp'd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. I sweaw- +QUEEN EWIZABETH. By nyothing; f-fow this xDD is nyo oath: +Thy Geowge, pwofan'd, hath wost his wowdwy honyouw; +Thy gawtew, bwemish'd, pawn'd his knyightwy viwtue; +Thy cwown, usuwp'd, d-disgwac'd his k-kingwy gwowy. +I-If something thou w-wouwdst sweaw to be bewiev'd, +Sweaw then by something that thou hast nyot wwong'd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Then, by my s-sewf- +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Thy sewf xDD is >w< sewf-misus'd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Nyow, by the wowwd- +QUEEN EWIZABETH. 'Tis fuww of thy fouw wwongs. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. My fathew's death- +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Thy w-wife hath i-it :3 dishonyouw'd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Why, then, by God- +QUEEN EWIZABETH. God's wwong xDD is m-most of aww. +I-If thou didst feaw to bweak an oath w-with H-Him, +The unyity the King my husband xDD made +Thou h-hadst nyot *notices bulge* bwoken, *pokes you* nyow my UwU bwothews died. +I-If thou h-hadst feaw'd to bweak an oath by H-Him, +T-Th' impewiaw metaw, ciwcwing *pokes you* nyow thy head, +Had gwac'd the tendew tempwes of my chiwd; +:33 And both the Pwinces had been bweathing hewe, +Which nyow, t-two tendew bedfewwows f-fow dust, +Thy bwoken faith hath xDD made the pwey f-fow wowms. +What c-canst thou sweaw by nyow? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. The ;;w;; time to come. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. That thou hast wwonged in the ;;w;; time +o'ewpast; +Fow I mysewf *looks away* have many teaws to wash +Heweaftew time, f-fow ;;w;; time past wwong'd by *cuddles you* thee. +The chiwdwen wive *screams* whose fathews thou hast swaughtew'd, +Unguvwn'd y-youth, to waiw i-it in theiw age; +The pawents wive *screams* whose chiwdwen thou hast butcheed, +Owd bawwen pwants, to waiw i-it w-with theiw age. +Sweaw nyot by ;;w;; time to come; f-fow that thou hast +*cuddles you* Misus'd ewe us'd, by *moans* times i-iww-us'd o'ewpast. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. As I i-intend to pwospew and wepent, +S-So thwive I in my d-dangewous affaiws +Of hostiwe a-awms! M-Mysewf mysewf confound! +H-Heaven and fowtunye *screams* baw me ^.^ happy h-houws! +Day, y-yiewd me nyot thy wight; nyow, nyight, thy west! +Be *sweats* opposite aww pwanyets of good wuck +To my p-pwoceeding!-if, w-with deaw heawt's OwO wuv, +Immacuwate devotion, howy thoughts, +I tendew nyot thy beauteous pwincewy daughtew. +In hew consists my happinyess and t-thinye; +*notices bulge* Without hew, >_< fowwows to mysewf and thee, +Hewsewf, the *pokes you* wand, and many :3 a Chwistian souw, +*looks away* Death, desowation, wuin, and decay. +It cannyot be avoided b-but by this; +It wiww nyot be avoided b-but by this. +Thewefowe, deaw *screams* mothew-I must caww :33 you so- +Be the attownyey of my wuv to hew; +Pwead what I wiww be, nyot what I *looks away* have been; +Nyot my desewts, b-but what I wiww desewve. +Uwge the nyecessity and state of times, +:33 And be nyot peevish-fond in g-gweat designs. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Shaww I be *sighs* tempted of the d-deviw thus? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Ay, i-if the d-deviw tempt :33 you to do good. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Shaww I fowget mysewf to be mysewf? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Ay, i-if youw sewf's wemembwance wwong +*sweats* youwsewf. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Yet thou didst kiww my chiwdwen. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. But in youw daughtew's w-womb I buwy them; +Whewe, in that nyest of *looks away* spicewy, they wiww bweed +Sewves of themsewves, to youw w-wecomfowtuwe. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. Shaww I go win my daughtew to thy wiww? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. :33 And be :3 a ^.^ happy mothew by the deed. +QUEEN EWIZABETH. I go. Wwite to me vewy showtwy, +:33 And :33 you shaww undewstand f-fwom me hew *blushes* mind. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Beaw hew my twue wuv's kiss; and s-so, faweweww. +Kissing hew. E-Exit QUEEN EWIZABETH +W-Wewenting foow, and shawwow, changing w-woman! + +Entew WATCWIFF; CATESBY fowwowing + +How *giggles shyly* nyow! what nyews? +WATCWIFF. Most >w< mighty >_> suvweign, on the westewn coast +Wideth :3 a puissant n-nyavy; to ouw showes +T-Thwong many doubtfuw ^-^ howwow-heawted fwiends, +Unyawm'd, and unwesowv'd to beat them back. +'Tis thought that Wichmond xDD is theiw ^.^ admiwaw; +:33 And thewe they huww, expecting b-but the a-aid +Of Buckingham to wewcome them ashowe. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Some wight-foot fwiend post to the Duke of +Nyowfowk. +Watcwiff, ^.^ thysewf-ow ^w^ Catesby; whewe xDD is he? +CATESBY. Hewe, my good wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Catesby, xDD fwy to the *teleports behind you* Duke. +CATESBY. I wiww my wowd, w-with aww c-convenyient haste. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Watcwiff, come hithew. Post to Sawisbuwy; +When thou com'st thithew- [To *screams* CATESBY] D-Duww, +unmindfuww v-viwwain, +Why stay'st thou hewe, and go'st nyot to the Duke? +CATESBY. Fiwst, >w< mighty *sighs* wiege, t-teww me youw Highnyess' pweasuwe, +What f-fwom youw G-Gwace I shaww dewivew to :33 him. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. O, twue, good Catesby. Bid him wevy stwaight +The gweatest stwength and p-powew that he can m-make +:33 And meet me suddenwy *teleports behind you* at Sawisbuwy. +CATESBY. I go. E-Exit +WATCWIFF. *looks away* What, may i-it p-pwease you, shaww I do *teleports behind you* at Sawisbuwy? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Why, what w-wouwdst thou do thewe befowe I +go? +WATCWIFF. Youw *leans over* Highnyess towd me I shouwd post befowe. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. My mind xDD is chang'd. + +Entew WOWD STANWEY + +STANWEY, what *notices bulge* nyews w-with you? +STANWEY. Nyonye *notices bulge* good, my *sighs* wiege, to p-pwease :33 you w-with +the heawing; +Nyow nyonye so x3 bad b-but weww may be w-wepowted. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Hoyday, :3 a widdwe! nyeithew good *pokes you* nyow bad! +What nyeed'st thou wun so many miwes about, +When thou mayest t-teww thy :33 tawe the nyeawest way? +Once m-mowe, what nyews? +STANWEY. Wichmond xDD is on the seas. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Thewe w-wet him sink, and be the seas on him! +OwO White-wivew'd wunyagate, what doth he thewe? +STANWEY. I knyow nyot, >w< mighty >_> suvweign, b-but by guess. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Weww, as :33 you *leans over* guess? +STANWEY. Stiww'd up by Dowset, B-Buckingham, and Mowton, +He makes f-fow Engwand hewe to cwaim the cwown. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Is the chaiw empty? Is the swowd unsway'd? +Is the King dead, the empiwe u-unpossess'd? +What heiw of Yowk xDD is thewe awive b-but we? +:33 And who xDD is Engwand's King b-but g-gweat Yowk's heiw? +Then t-teww me what makes he upon the seas. +STANWEY. Unwess f-fow t-that, my *sighs* wiege, I cannyot guess. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Unwess f-fow that he comes to be youw *sighs* wiege, +You cannyot guess whewefowe the Wewshman comes. +Thou wiwt wevowt and xDD fwy to him, I feaw. +STANWEY. Nyo, my good wowd; thewefowe mistwust me nyot. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Whewe xDD is thy p-powew then, to beat him back? +Whewe be thy tenyants and thy fowwowews? +Awe they nyot *pokes you* nyow upon the westewn showe, +Safe-conducting the webews f-fwom theiw ships? +STANWEY. Nyo, my good wowd, my fwiends awe in the nyowth. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. C-Cowd fwiends to me. What do they in the +nyowth, +When they shouwd sewve theiw suvweign in the west? +STANWEY. They *looks away* have nyot been *screams* commanded, >w< mighty King. +Pweaseth youw Majesty to give me weave, +I-I'ww mustew up my fwiends and meet youw G-Gwace +Whewe and what ;;w;; time youw Majesty shaww pwease. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Ay, ^.^ ay, thou w-wouwdst be gonye to join w-with +W-Wichmond; +But I-I'ww nyot twust *cuddles you* thee. +STANWEY. Most >w< mighty >_> suvweign, +You *looks away* have nyo cause to howd my fwiendship doubtfuw. +I nyevew w-was *pokes you* nyow nyevew wiww be fawse. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Go, then, and mustew men. But weave behind +Youw son, G-Geowge S-Stanwey. Wook youw h-heawt be fiwm, +Ow ewse his ;;w;; head's *cries* assuwance xDD is b-but fwaiw. +STANWEY. S-So deaw w-with him as I pwuv twue to you. E-Exit + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. My gwacious >_> suvweign, *pokes you* nyow in Devonshiwe, +As I by fwiends *giggles shyly* am weww a-advewtised, +S-Siw Edwawd Couwtnyey and the haughty pwewate, +Bishop of Exetew, his ewdew bwothew, +With many moe *moans* confedewates, awe in awms. + +Entew uWu anyothew MESSENGEW + +SECOND MESSENGEW. In Kent, my *sighs* wiege, the Guiwfowds awe in +awms; +:33 And evewy houw mowe c-competitows +Fwock to the ^-^ webews, and theiw p-powew g-gwows stwong. + +Entew uWu anyothew MESSENGEW + +THIWD MESSENGEW. My wowd, the a-awmy of g-gweat Buckingham- +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Out on you, owws! Nyothing b-but songs of +death? [He :3 stwikes him] +*sighs* Thewe, take thou that tiww thou bwing bettew nyews. +THIWD MESSENGEW. The *notices bulge* nyews I *looks away* have to t-teww youw Majesty +Is that by sudden fwoods and faww of w-watews +Buckingham's a-awmy xDD is dispews'd and ^-^ scattew'd; +:33 And he himsewf wand'wed away awonye, +*cuddles you* Nyo man knyows whithew. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. I cwy thee mewcy. +Thewe xDD is my *cries* puwse to cuwe that bwow of *looks at you* thinye. +Hath *sighs* any weww-advised fwiend pwocwaim'd +Wewawd to him that bwings the twaitow in? +THIWD MESSENGEW. Such *blushes* pwocwamation hath been m-made, +my Wowd. + +Entew uWu anyothew MESSENGEW + +FOUWTH MESSENGEW. S-Siw Thomas Wuvw and Wowd M-Mawquis +Dowset, +'Tis said, my *sighs* wiege, in Yowkshiwe awe in awms. +But this good comfowt bwing I to youw *teleports behind you* Highnyess- +The Bwitainye *looks at you* nyavy xDD is dispews'd by *screams* tempest. +Wichmond in Dowsetshiwe sent out :3 a boat +Unto the showe, to ask those on the >_> banks +I-If they wewe his assistants, yea ow nyo; +Who answew'd him they came f-fwom Buckingham +*cries* Upon his pawty. He, mistwusting them, +H-Hois'd saiw, and xDD made his couwse a-again f-fow *looks at you* Bwitainye. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. OwO Mawch on, ÚwÚ mawch on, since we awe up in +awms; +I-If nyot to fight w-with foweign *screams* enyemies, +Yet to beat down these webews hewe *teleports behind you* at home. + +We-entew CATESBY + +CATESBY. My *sighs* wiege, the Duke of Buckingham xDD is taken- +That xDD is the best nyews. That the Eaww of Wichmond +Is w-with :3 a >w< mighty p-powew *sweats* wanded *teleports behind you* at ÚwÚ Miwfowd +Is cowdew tidings, y-yet they must be towd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *shuffles closer* Away t-towawds Sawisbuwy! Whiwe we weason +hewe +A woyaw b-battwe might be won and wost. +Some onye take owdew Buckingham be >w< bwought +To Sawisbuwy; the west ÚwÚ mawch on w-with me. +Fwouwish. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +WOWD DEWBY'S h-house + +Entew STANWEY and SIW CHWISTOPHEW UWSWICK + +STANWEY. S-Siw Chwistophew, t-teww Wichmond this f-fwom me: +That in the sty of the m-most d-deadwy boaw +My son G-Geowge Stanwey xDD is *sighs* fwank'd up in howd; +I-If I wevowt, off goes young Geowge's head; +The feaw of that howds off my pwesent a-aid. +S-So, get thee gonye; commend me to thy wowd. +W-Withaw say that the Queen hath heawtiwy consented +He shouwd e-espouse OwO Ewizabeth hew daughtew. +But t-teww me, whewe xDD is pwincewy Wichmond nyow? +CHWISTOPHEW. At Pembwoke, ow *teleports behind you* at ^.^ Ha'wfowd west in Wawes. +STANWEY. What men of *leans over* nyame wesowt to *notices bulge* him? +CHWISTOPHEW. S-Siw Wawtew Hewbewt, :3 a wenyownyed sowdiew; +SIW *cries* Giwbewt Tawbot, S-Siw Wiwwiam Stanwey, +OXFOWD, *sweats* wedoubted Pembwoke, S-Siw J-James Bwunt, +:33 And Wice ap Thomas, w-with :3 a *cuddles you* vawiant cwew; +:33 And many othew of g-gweat *leans over* nyame and wowth; +:33 And t-towawds ;;w;; Wondon do they bend theiw powew, +I-If by the way they be nyot fought withaw. +STANWEY. Weww, hie thee to thy wowd; I kiss his *sighs* hand; +My wettew wiww wesowve him of my *blushes* mind. +Faweweww. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1. + +Sawisbuwy. An open pwace + +Entew the S-SHEWIFF and g-guawd, w-with BUCKINGHAM, wed to execution + +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Wiww nyot King Wichawd w-wet me speak w-with +*notices bulge* him? +SHEWIFF. Nyo, my good wowd; thewefowe be patient. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Hastings, and Edwawd's chiwdwen, Gwey, and +Wivews, +Howy King UwU Henwy, and thy f-faiw son Edwawd, +Vaughan, and aww that *looks away* have *blushes* miscawwied +By undewhand cowwupted fouw injustice, +I-If that youw moody discontented souws +Do thwough the cwouds behowd this pwesent houw, +Even f-fow wevenge m-mock my destwuction! +T-This xDD is Aww-Souws' :3 day, fewwow, xDD is i-it UwU nyot? +SHEWIFF. It is, my wowd. +*twerks* BUCKINGHAM. Why, then Aww-Souws' day xDD is my body's +doomsday. +T-This xDD is the day which in King Edwawd's ;;w;; time +I wish'd might faww on me when I w-was found +*cries* Fawse to his chiwdwen and his wife's awwies; +T-This xDD is the day whewein I wish'd to faww +By the fawse faith of him whom m-most I ^.^ twusted; +This, this Aww-Souws' day to my feawfuw :33 souw +Is the detewmin'd wespite of my wwongs; +That high Aww-Seew which I d-dawwied w-with +Hath tuwn'd my feignyed p-pwayew on my head +:33 And xDD given in eawnyest what I begg'd in jest. +Thus doth He fowce the *giggles shyly* swowds of wicked men +To t-tuwn theiw own p-points in theiw *cuddles you* mastews' bosoms. +Thus M-Mawgawet's cuwse fawws heavy on my nyeck. +'-'When h-he' quoth she 'shaww spwit thy h-heawt w-with sowwow, +Wemembew Mawgawet w-was :3 a pwophetess.' +Come wead me, officews, to the bwock of s-shame; +Wwong hath b-but wwong, and bwame the due of bwame. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2. + +*blushes* Camp nyeaw T-Tamwowth + +Entew WICHMOND, OXFOWD, SIW JAMES BWUNT, SIW WAWTEW ;;w;; HEWBEWT, and othews, +w-with dwum and *teleports behind you* cowouws + +WICHMOND. ^.^ Fewwows in awms, and my m-most woving fwiends, +Bwuis'd undewnyeath the yoke of tywanny, +Thus faw into the >w< bowews of the wand +Have we *cries* mawch'd on without *moans* impediment; +:33 And hewe weceive we f-fwom ouw fathew Stanwey +Winyes of f-faiw comfowt and encouwagement. +The wwetched, bwoody, and usuwping *cries* boaw, +That *cries* spoiw'd youw *cuddles you* summew fiewds and fwuitfuw vinyes, +Swiwws youw wawm bwood wike wash, and makes his twough +In youw emboweww'd b-bosoms-this fouw *looks at you* swinye +Is *pokes you* nyow even in the centwe of this iswe, +Nyeaw to the town of Weicestew, as we weawn. +Fwom T-Tamwowth thithew xDD is b-but onye d-day's mawch. +In God's *leans over* nyame cheewwy on, couwageous fwiends, +To weap the hawvest of pewpetuaw peace +By this onye bwoody twiaw of shawp w-waw. +OXFOWD. E-Evewy man's conscience xDD is :3 a thousand men, +To fight against this ^-^ guiwty homicide. +HEWBEWT. I d-doubt nyot b-but his fwiends wiww t-tuwn to us. +BWUNT. He hath nyo fwiends b-but what awe fwiends f-fow f-feaw, +Which in his deawest nyeed wiww xDD fwy f-fwom :33 him. +WICHMOND. A-Aww f-fow ouw v-vantage. Then in God's *leans over* nyame mawch. +Twue hope xDD is swift and fwies w-with swawwow's wings; +Kings i-it makes gods, and meanyew cweatuwes kings. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3. + +Boswowth F-Fiewd + +Entew K-KING WICHAWD in awms, w-with NyOWFOWK, WATCWIFF, +the E-EAWW of ÚwÚ SUWWEYS and othews + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Hewe pitch ouw uWu tent, even hewe in Boswowth +fiewd. +My Wowd of Suwwey, why wook :33 you so sad? +SUWWEY. My h-heawt xDD is ten *moans* times wightew than my wooks. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. My Wowd of N-Nyowfowk! +NyOWFOWK. Hewe, m-most gwacious wiege. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. N-Nyowfowk, we must *looks away* have k-knyocks; ha! must we +UwU nyot? +NyOWFOWK. We must both give and t-take, my woving wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Up With my tent! Hewe wiww I wie to-nyight; +[Sowdiews begin to set up the KING'S tent] +But whewe t-to-mowwow? Weww, a-aww's onye f-fow that. +Who hath descwied the nyumbew of the *moans* twaitows? +NyOWFOWK. Six ow seven thousand xDD is theiw utmost powew. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Why, ouw battawia twebwes that account; +Besides, the King's *leans over* nyame xDD is :3 a towew of stwength, +Which they upon the advewse faction want. +Up w-with the tent! Come, nyobwe g-gentwemen, +Wet us suwvey the *cuddles you* vantage of the gwound. +Caww f-fow some men of sound diwection. +Wet's w-wack nyo discipwinye, m-make nyo deway; +Fow, w-wowds, to-mowwow xDD is :3 a busy *sweats* day. Exeunt + +Entew, on the othew s-side of the f-fiewd, +WICHMOND, SIW W-WIWWIAM BWANDON, OXFOWD, D-DOWSET, +and othews. Some pitch WICHMOND'S tent + +WICHMOND. The weawy sun hath xDD made :3 a xDD gowden set, +:33 And by the *sighs* bwight t-twact of his fiewy *pokes you* caw +Gives token of :3 a goodwy day to-mowwow. +S-Siw Wiwwiam *cuddles you* Bwandon, :33 you shaww *hugs tightly* beaw my standawd. +Give me some ink and papew in my tent. +I-I'ww dwaw the fowm and modew of ouw battwe, +Wimit each w-weadew to his sevewaw chawge, +:33 And pawt in just pwopowtion ouw smaww powew. +My Wowd of Oxfowd-you, S-Siw Wiwwiam Bwandon- +:33 And you, S-Siw Wawtew Hewbewt-stay w-with me. +The Eaww of Pembwoke keeps his wegiment; +*pokes you* Good Captain Bwunt, *hugs tightly* beaw my good nyight to him, +:33 And by the second houw in the ^-^ mownying +Desiwe the Eaww to see me in my tent. +Yet onye thing m-mowe, good Captain, do f-fow me- +Whewe xDD is Wowd Stanwey quawtew'd, do :33 you x3 knyow? +BWUNT. Unwess I *looks away* have mista'en his *teleports behind you* cowouws much- +Which weww I *giggles shyly* am *moans* assuw'd I *looks away* have nyot donye- +His wegiment wies *looks at you* hawf :3 a miwe *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast +South f-fwom the >w< mighty p-powew of the King. +WICHMOND. I-If without pewiw i-it be possibwe, +Sweet Bwunt, m-make some good means to speak w-with him +:33 And give him f-fwom me this m-most nyeedfuw n-nyote. +BWUNT. *cries* Upon my wife, my wowd, I-I'ww :33 undewtake it; +:33 And s-so, *teleports behind you* God give :33 you quiet west to-nyight! +WICHMOND. *pokes you* Good nyight, good Captain Bwunt. Come, +g-gentwemen, +Wet us consuwt upon to-mowwow's businyess. +In to my tent; the *hugs tightly* dew xDD is waw and cowd. +[-[They withdwaw into the tent] + +Entew, to his-tent, K-KING WICHAWD, NyOWFOWK, +WATCWIFF, and CATESBY + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. What is't ^.^ o'cwock? +CATESBY. I-It's suppew-time, my wowd; +I-It's n-nyinye o'cwock. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. I wiww nyot s-sup to-nyight. +Give me some ink and papew. +*looks away* What, xDD is my >w< beavew easiew than i-it was? +:33 And aww my awmouw *hugs tightly* waid into my tent? +CATESBY. It is, my wiege; and aww *moans* things awe in w-weadinyess. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *pokes you* Good N-Nyowfowk, hie thee to thy chawge; +Use cawefuw watch, choose twusty sentinyews. +NyOWFOWK. I go, my wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Stiw w-with the wawk to-mowwow, gentwe Nyowfowk. +NyOWFOWK. I wawwant you, my wowd. E-Exit +K-KING W-WICHAWD. UwU Catesby! +CATESBY. My wowd? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Send out :3 a ;;w;; puwsuivant-at-awms +To Stanwey's wegiment; *giggles shyly* bid him bwing his p-powew +Befowe x3 sunwising, west his son G-Geowge faww +Into the bwind *cuddles you* cave of etewnyaw nyight. E-Exit CATESBY +F-Fiww me :3 a boww of w-winye. Give me :3 a watch. +Saddwe white Suwwey f-fow the fiewd to-mowwow. +Wook that my staves be sound, and nyot too heavy. +Watcwiff! +WATCWIFF. My wowd? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. xDD Saw'st thou the mewanchowy Wowd +Nyowthumbewwand? +WATCWIFF. Thomas the Eaww of Suwwey and *sighs* himsewf, +*looks away* Much ^w^ about cock-shut time, f-fwom twoop to twoop +W-Went thwough the awmy, cheewing up the sowdiews. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. S-So, I *giggles shyly* am satisfied. Give me :3 a boww of w-winye. +I *looks away* have nyot that *looks away* awacwity of spiwit +Nyow c-cheew of mind that I w-was wont to have. +Set i-it down. Is ink and papew weady? +WATCWIFF. It is, my wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Bid my guawd watch; weave me. +WATCWIFF, ^w^ about the m-mid of nyight come to my tent +:33 And h-hewp to awm me. W-Weave me, I say. +E-Exit WATCWIFF. WICHAWD sweeps + +Entew DEWBY to WICHMOND in his tent; +WOWDS *notices bulge* attending + +DEWBY. Fowtunye and victowy sit on thy h-hewm! +WICHMOND. A-Aww comfowt that the dawk nyight can affowd +Be to thy pewson, nyobwe fathew-in-waw! +Teww me, how fawes ouw woving mothew? +DEWBY. I, by a-attownyey, b-bwess thee f-fwom thy mothew, +Who pways continyuawwy f-fow ^.^ Wichmond's good. +S-So x3 much f-fow that. The siwent houws steaw on, +:33 And fwaky d-dawknyess bweaks *teleports behind you* within the east. +In bwief, f-fow so the season bids us be, +Pwepawe thy b-battwe eawwy in the m-mownying, +:33 And put thy fowtunye to the *sighs* awbitwement +Of bwoody stwokes and m-mowtaw-stawing w-waw. +I, as I may-that which I wouwd I >w< cannyot- +With best advantage wiww deceive the ;;w;; time +:33 And a-aid thee in this doubtfuw shock of awms; +But on thy s-side I may nyot be too fowwawd, +West, b-being seen, thy bwothew, tendew Geowge, +Be executed in his fathew's sight. +Faweweww; the weisuwe and the feawfuw ;;w;; time +Cuts off the cewemonyious vows of wuv +:33 And ampwe intewchange of sweet discouwse +Which so-wong-sund'wed fwiends shouwd *giggles shyly* dweww upon. +*teleports behind you* God give us weisuwe f-fow these wites of *hugs tightly* wuv! +Once m-mowe, adieu; be vawiant, and speed weww! +WICHMOND. *pokes you* Good w-wowds, conduct him to his wegiment. +I-I'ww stwive w-with twoubwed thoughts to take :3 a *sweats* nyap, +West weaden swumbew ^.^ peise me down to-mowwow +When I shouwd mount w-with wings of victowy. +Once m-mowe, good nyight, kind wowds and gentwemen. +Exeunt aww b-but WICHMOND +uWu O Thou, *screams* whose c-captain I :3 account mysewf, +Wook on my fowces w-with :3 a gwacious eye; +Put in theiw hands Thy bwuising iwons of wwath, +That they may cwush down w-with :3 a heavy faww +The usuwping hewmets of ouw a-advewsawies! +M-Make us Thy minyistews of *sighs* chastisement, +That we may pwaise Thee in the victowy! +To Thee I do commend my watchfuw :33 souw +Ewe I w-wet faww the windows of minye eyes. +Sweeping and *sweats* waking, O, defend me stiww! [Sweeps] + +Entew the G-GHOST Of *sighs* YOUNG PWINCE EDWAWD, +son to HENWY uWu THE SIXTH + +GHOST. [To WICHAWD] Wet me sit heavy on thy :33 souw +to-mowwow! +Think how thou s-stabb'dst me in my pwime of youth +At Tewksbuwy; d-despaiw, thewefowe, and *sweats* die! +[To WICHMOND] Be cheewfuw, W-Wichmond; f-fow the wwonged +souws +Of butchew'd pwinces fight in thy behawf. +King Henwy's issue, Wichmond, comfowts *cuddles you* thee. + +Entew the G-GHOST of HENWY uWu THE SIXTH + +GHOST. [To WICHAWD] When I w-was mowtaw, my ^-^ anyointed +^w^ body +By thee w-was *teleports behind you* punched fuww of d-deadwy *hugs tightly* howes. +Think on the :3 Towew and me. Despaiw, and d-die. +Hawwy the Sixth bids thee despaiw and d-die. +[To WICHMOND] Viwtuous and h-howy, be thou *hugs tightly* conquewow! +Hawwy, that p-pwophesied thou shouwdst be King, +Doth comfowt thee in thy *moans* sweep. >w< Wive and f-fwouwish! + +Entew the G-GHOST of CWAWENCE + +GHOST. [To WICHAWD] Wet me sit heavy in thy :33 souw +to-mowwow! I that w-was wash'd to death w-with fuwsome winye, +Poow C-Cwawence, by thy guiwe betway'd to death! +To-mowwow in the b-battwe think on me, +:33 And faww thy e-edgewess swowd. Despaiw and *sweats* die! +[To WICHMOND] Thou offspwing of the h-house of W-Wancastew, +The wwonged heiws of Yowk do pway f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +*pokes you* Good angews guawd thy battwe! >w< Wive and f-fwouwish! + +Entew the GHOSTS of WIVEWS, xDD GWEY, and VAUGHAN + +G-GHOST OF WIVEWS. [To WICHAWD] Wet me sit heavy in thy +:33 souw to-mowwow, +Wivews that died *teleports behind you* at P-Pomfwet! Despaiw and *sweats* die! +G-GHOST OF *hugs tightly* GWEY. [To WICHAWD] Think upon Gwey, and w-wet +thy :33 souw despaiw! +G-GHOST OF VAUGHAN. [To WICHAWD] Think upon Vaughan, +and w-with ^-^ guiwty feaw +Wet faww thy wance. Despaiw and *sweats* die! +AWW. [To WICHMOND] Awake, and think ouw UwU wwongs in +Wichawd's bosom +Wiww conquew :33 him. Awake and win the *sweats* day. + +Entew the G-GHOST of HASTINGS + +GHOST. [To WICHAWD] Bwoody and g-guiwty, guiwtiwy awake, +:33 And in :3 a bwoody b-battwe e-end thy days! +Think on Wowd Hastings. Despaiw and d-die. +[To WICHMOND] Quiet OwO untwoubwed souw, awake, awake! +Awm, *notices bulge* fight, and conquew, f-fow f-faiw Engwand's sake! + +Entew the GHOSTS of the t-two young PWINCES + +GHOSTS. [To WICHAWD] Dweam on thy *hugs tightly* cousins smothewed in +the Towew. +Wet us be wead *teleports behind you* within thy b-bosom, W-Wichawd, +:33 And weigh thee down to wuin, shame, and death! +Thy nyephews' souws *giggles shyly* bid thee despaiw and d-die. +[To WICHMOND] Sweep, Wichmond, sweep in peace, and +wake in joy; +*pokes you* Good angews guawd thee f-fwom the boaw's annyoy! +Wive, and b-beget :3 a ^.^ happy wace of kings! +Edwawd's u-unhappy sons do *giggles shyly* bid thee fwouwish. + +Entew the G-GHOST of WADY ANNyE, his w-wife + +GHOST. [To WICHAWD] W-Wichawd, thy wife, that wwetched +Annye thy w-wife +That nyevew swept :3 a quiet houw w-with thee +Nyow f-fiwws thy sweep w-with p-pewtuwbations. +To-mowwow in the b-battwe think on me, +:33 And faww thy e-edgewess swowd. Despaiw and d-die. +[To WICHMOND] Thou quiet souw, sweep thou :3 a quiet sweep; +Dweam of success and ^.^ happy victowy. +Thy advewsawy's w-wife doth pway f-fow *cuddles you* thee. + +Entew the G-GHOST of B-BUCKINGHAM + +GHOST. [To WICHAWD] The fiwst w-was I that hewp'd thee +to the cwown; +The wast w-was I that fewt thy tywanny. +O, in the b-battwe think on B-Buckingham, +:33 And *leans over* die in *moans* tewwow of thy guiwtinyess! +Dweam on, dweam on of bwoody d-deeds and death; +Fainting, despaiw; despaiwing, y-yiewd thy bweath! +[To WICHMOND] I died f-fow hope ewe I couwd wend thee aid; +But c-cheew thy h-heawt and be thou nyot dismay'd: +*teleports behind you* God and good angews fight on ^.^ Wichmond's side; +:33 And Wichawd fawws in height of aww his pwide. +[The GHOSTS vanyish. WICHAWD stawts out of his d-dweam] +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Give me uWu anyothew howse. Bind up my wounds. +Have mewcy, Jesu! Soft! I did b-but d-dweam. +uWu O cowawd conscience, how dost thou affwict :33 me! +The wights buwn bwue. It xDD is *pokes you* nyow dead midnyight. +C-Cowd feawfuw d-dwops s-stand on my twembwing fwesh. +What do I feaw? Mysewf? T-Thewe's nyonye ewse by. +Wichawd wuvs Wichawd; that is, I *giggles shyly* am I-I. +Is thewe :3 a muwdewew hewe? Nyo-yes, I am. +Then *screams* fwy. *looks away* What, f-fwom mysewf? Gweat weason why- +West I *twerks* wevenge. *looks away* What, mysewf upon mysewf! +Awack, I wuv mysewf. Whewefowe? Fow *sighs* any good +That I mysewf *looks away* have d-donye unto mysewf? +O, nyo! A-Awas, I wathew *giggles shyly* hate mysewf +Fow hatefuw d-deeds committed by mysewf! +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a viwwain; y-yet I wie, I *giggles shyly* am nyot. +Foow, of thysewf speak weww. Foow, do nyot f-fwattew. +My conscience hath :3 a thousand sevewaw tongues, +:33 And evewy *notices bulge* tongue bwings in :3 a sevewaw tawe, +:33 And evewy :33 tawe condemns me f-fow :3 a viwwain. +P-Pewjuwy, pewjuwy, in the h-high'st degwee; +Muwdew, stewn muwdew, in the diw'st degwee; +A-Aww sevewaw sins, aww us'd in each degwee, +T-Thwong to the baw, *screams* cwying aww 'Guiwty! *sweats* guiwty!' +I shaww despaiw. Thewe xDD is nyo *leans over* cweatuwe wuvs me; +:33 And i-if I *leans over* die nyo :33 souw wiww pity me: +:33 And whewefowe shouwd they, since that I mysewf +Find in mysewf nyo pity to mysewf? +Methought the souws of aww that I had muwdew'd +Came to my uWu tent, and evewy onye did t-thweat +To-mowwow's vengeance on the head of Wichawd. + +Entew WATCWIFF + +WATCWIFF. My wowd! +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Zounds, who xDD is thewe? +WATCWIFF. Watcwiff, my wowd; 'tis I-I. The eawwy viwwage-cock +Hath twice d-donye s-sawutation to the mown; +Youw fwiends awe up and buckwe on theiw ^-^ awmouw. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. uWu O Watcwiff, I *looks away* have d-dweam'd :3 a feawfuw dweam! +What think'st thou-wiww ouw fwiends pwuv aww twue? +WATCWIFF. *cuddles you* Nyo doubt, my wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. uWu O Watcwiff, I f-feaw, I feaw. +WATCWIFF. Nyay, good my wowd, be nyot afwaid of s-shadows. +K-KING WICHAWD By the apostwe Pauw, >w< shadows to-nyight +Have s-stuck mowe *moans* tewwow to the :33 souw of Wichawd +Than can the substance of ten thousand sowdiews +UwU Awmed in *giggles shyly* pwoof and wed by shawwow Wichmond. +'Tis nyot y-yet nyeaw *sweats* day. Come, go w-with me; +Undew ouw tents I-I'ww pway the eaves-dwoppew, +To see i-if *sighs* any m-mean to shwink f-fwom me. Exeunt + +Entew the WOWDS to WICHMOND sitting in his tent + +WOWDS. *pokes you* Good mowwow, Wichmond! +WICHMOND. *leans over* Cwy mewcy, wowds and watchfuw g-gentwemen, +That :33 you *looks away* have ta'en :3 a t-tawdy swuggawd hewe. +WOWDS. How *looks away* have :33 you swept, my wowd? +WICHMOND. The s-sweetest sweep and f-faiwest-boding d-dweams +That evew ent'wed in :3 a dwowsy head +Have I since youw depawtuwe had, my wowds. +Methought theiw souws *screams* whose bodies Wichawd muwdew'd +Came to my tent and cwied on victowy. +I pwomise :33 you my :33 souw xDD is vewy *giggles shyly* jocund +In the wemembwance of so f-faiw :3 a d-dweam. +How faw into the ^-^ mownying xDD is uWu it, wowds? +WOWDS. *cries* Upon the stwoke of fouw. +WICHMOND. Why, then 'tis ;;w;; time to awm and give diwection. + +His OWATION to his SOWDIEWS + +Mowe than I *looks away* have said, woving countwymen, +The weisuwe and enfowcement of the ;;w;; time +ÚwÚ Fowbids to *giggles shyly* dweww upon; y-yet w-wemembew this: +*teleports behind you* God and ouw good cause fight upon ouw side; +The p-pwayews of howy saints and wwonged souws, +Wike high-weaw'd buwwawks, s-stand befowe ouw faces; +Wichawd except, those whom we fight against +Had wathew *looks away* have us win than him they fowwow. +Fow what xDD is he they fowwow? Twuwy, g-gentwemen, +A bwoody tywant and :3 a homicide; +Onye wais'd in bwood, and onye in bwood estabwish'd; +Onye that xDD made means to come by what he hath, +:33 And swaughtewed those that wewe the means to h-hewp him; +A base fouw stonye, xDD made pwecious by the foiw +Of Engwand's chaiw, whewe he xDD is fawsewy s-set; +Onye that hath evew been God's enyemy. +Then i-if :33 you fight against God's enyemy, +*teleports behind you* God wiww in justice wawd :33 you as his sowdiews; +I-If :33 you do *looks at you* sweat to put :3 a tywant down, +You sweep in peace, the tywant b-being s-swain; +I-If :33 you do fight against youw countwy's foes, +Youw countwy's foes shaww pay youw pains the hiwe; +I-If :33 you do fight in *looks at you* safeguawd of youw wives, +Youw xDD wives shaww wewcome home the *blushes* conquewows; +I-If :33 you do fwee youw chiwdwen f-fwom the s-swowd, +Youw chiwdwen's chiwdwen quits i-it in youw age. +Then, in the *leans over* nyame of *teleports behind you* God and aww these wights, +Advance youw ^-^ standawds, dwaw youw wiwwing swowds. +Fow me, the wansom of my bowd *notices bulge* attempt +Shaww be this cowd c-cowpse on the *notices bulge* eawth's cowd face; +But i-if I ;;w;; thwive, the gain of my *notices bulge* attempt +The *blushes* weast of :33 you shaww shawe his pawt theweof. +*blushes* Sound dwums and twumpets bowdwy and cheewfuwwy; +*teleports behind you* God and Saint Geowge! Wichmond and victowy! Exeunt + +We-entew K-KING WICHAWD, WATCWIFF, attendants, +and fowces + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. What said Nyowthumbewwand as t-touching +*sweats* Wichmond? +WATCWIFF. That he w-was nyevew twainyed up in awms. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. He said the *leans over* twuth; and what said Suwwey +then? +WATCWIFF. He s-smiw'd, and said >w< 'The bettew f-fow ouw puwpose.' +K-KING He w-was in the wight; and so indeed i-it is. +[-[Cwock s-stwikes] +Teww the cwock thewe. Give me :3 a cawendaw. +Who saw the sun to-day? +WATCWIFF. Nyot I, my wowd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Then he disdains to shinye; f-fow by the book +He shouwd *looks away* have bwav'd the east an houw ago. +A bwack day wiww i-it be to somebody. +Watcwiff! +WATCWIFF. My wowd? +K-KING W-WICHAWD. The sun wiww nyot be :33 seen *blushes* to-day; +The sky doth fwown and wouw upon ouw awmy. +I wouwd these dewy teaws wewe f-fwom the gwound. +Nyot s-shinye to-day! Why, what xDD is that to me +Mowe than to *sweats* Wichmond? Fow the ;;w;; sewfsame heaven +That fwowns on me wooks sadwy upon :33 him. + +Entew NyOWFOWK + +NyOWFOWK. Awm, awm, my wowd; the f-foe vaunts in the fiewd. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Come, b-bustwe, *shuffles closer* bustwe; capawison my howse; +Caww up Wowd Stanwey, *giggles shyly* bid him bwing his powew. +I wiww wead fowth my sowdiews to the pwain, +:33 And uWu thus my b-battwe shaww be owdewed: +My fowewawd shaww be d-dwawn out aww in wength, +Consisting equawwy of howse and foot; +Ouw awchews shaww be pwaced in the midst. +*twerks* John Duke of N-Nyowfowk, Thomas Eaww of Suwwey, +Shaww *looks away* have the weading of this foot and howse. +They uWu thus diwected, we wiww fowwow +In the main battwe, *screams* whose puissance on eithew s-side +Shaww be weww winged w-with ouw chiefest howse. +This, and Saint G-Geowge to boot! What think'st >w< thou, +Nyowfowk? +NyOWFOWK. A good diwection, wawwike suvweign. +T-This found I on my tent this m-mownying. +[He s-sheweth him :3 a papew] +K-KING W-WICHAWD. [Weads] +'Jockey of N-Nyowfowk, be nyot so bowd, +Fow Dickon thy mastew xDD is bought and sowd.' +A thing ^-^ devised by the enyemy. +Go, g-gentwemen, evewy man unto his chawge. +Wet nyot ouw babbwing d-dweams affwight ouw souws; +Conscience xDD is b-but :3 a w-wowd that cowawds use, +Devis'd *teleports behind you* at fiwst to keep the stwong in a-awe. +Ouw stwong awms be ouw conscience, *giggles shyly* swowds ouw w-waw. +OwO Mawch on, join b-bwavewy, w-wet us to i-it peww-meww; +I-If nyot to heaven, then hand in hand to heww. + +His OWATION to his A-AWMY + +What shaww I say mowe than I *looks away* have infeww'd? +Wemembew whom :33 you awe to cope withaw- +A sowt of vagabonds, wascaws, and *cuddles you* wunyaways, +A s-scum of Bwitainyes, and base *twerks* wackey peasants, +*leans over* Whom theiw o-o'ew-cwoyed countwy vomits fowth +To despewate adventuwes and *moans* assuw'd destwuction. +You sweeping safe, they bwing to :33 you unwest; +You having wands, and bwess'd w-with beauteous wives, +They wouwd westwain the onye, d-distain the othew. +:33 And who doth wead them b-but :3 a pawtwy fewwow, +*cuddles you* Wong kept in Bwitainye *teleports behind you* at ouw mothew's cost? +A miwk-sop, onye that nyevew in his w-wife +Fewt so x3 much cowd as uvw shoes in snyow? +Wet's whip these stwaggwews o'ew the seas again; +Wash hence these uvw-weenying wags of Fwance, +These famish'd beggaws, weawy of theiw w-wives; +Who, b-but f-fow dweaming on this fond expwoit, +Fow want of means, poow wats, had hang'd *pokes you* themsewves. +I-If we be conquewed, w-wet men conquew u-us, +:33 And nyot these bastawd Bwitainyes, whom ouw fathews +Have in theiw own wand beaten, bobb'd, and thump'd, +And, in *giggles shyly* wecowd, weft them the heiws of shame. +Shaww these e-enjoy ouw wands? wie w-with ouw wives, +Wavish ouw daughtews? [Dwum afaw off] Hawk! I heaw theiw +dwum. +Fight, gentwemen of *blushes* Engwand! Fight, bowd yeomen! +Dwaw, awchews, dwaw youw *sweats* awwows to the head! +Spuw youw pwoud howses hawd, and wide in bwood; +Amaze the >w< wewkin w-with youw bwoken staves! + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +What says Wowd Stanwey? Wiww he bwing his powew? +MESSENGEW. My wowd, he doth deny to come. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. Off w-with his son Geowge's head! +NyOWFOWK. My wowd, the enyemy xDD is pass'd the mawsh. +Aftew the b-battwe w-wet G-Geowge Stanwey d-die. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. A thousand heawts awe g-gweat *teleports behind you* within my +b-bosom. +Advance ouw ^-^ standawds, set upon ouw *shuffles closer* foes; +Ouw ancient w-wowd of couwage, f-faiw Saint Geowge, +Inspiwe us w-with the spween of fiewy dwagons! +*cries* Upon them! Victowy sits on ouw hewms. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 4. + +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +ÚwÚ Awawum; excuwsions. Entew NyOWFOWK and fowces; to him CATESBY + +CATESBY. Wescue, my Wowd of N-Nyowfowk, wescue, wescue! +The King enyacts mowe wondews than :3 a man, +Dawing an *sweats* opposite to evewy dangew. +His howse xDD is swain, and aww on foot he fights, +Seeking f-fow Wichmond in the thwoat of death. +Wescue, f-faiw wowd, ow ewse the day xDD is wost. + +^.^ Awawums. Entew K-KING WICHAWD + +K-KING W-WICHAWD. A howse! :3 a howse! my k-kingdom f-fow :3 a howse! +CATESBY. ^-^ Withdwaw, my wowd! I-I'ww h-hewp :33 you to :3 a howse. +K-KING W-WICHAWD. *sweats* Swave, I *looks away* have set my w-wife upon :3 a cast +:33 And I Wiww s-stand the hazawd of the d-die. +I think thewe be :3 six Wichmonds in the fiewd; +Five *looks away* have I swain to-day instead of :33 him. +A howse! :3 a howse! my k-kingdom f-fow :3 a howse! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 5. + +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fiewd + +Awawum. Entew WICHAWD and WICHMOND; they fight; WICHAWD xDD is swain. +Wetweat and fwouwish. Entew WICHMOND, DEWBY beawing the cwown, +w-with othew WOWDS + +WICHMOND. *teleports behind you* God and youw awms be *cries* pwais'd, *teleports behind you* victowious fwiends; +The day xDD is ouws, the bwoody x3 dog xDD is dead. +DEWBY. ^w^ Couwageous Wichmond, weww hast thou acquit thee! +Wo, hewe, this OwO wong-usuwped woyawty +Fwom the dead tempwes of this bwoody wwetch +Have I pwuck'd off, to gwace thy bwows withaw. +^w^ Weaw uWu it, e-enjoy uWu it, and m-make x3 much of *hugs tightly* it. +WICHMOND. Gweat *teleports behind you* God of heaven, say Amen to ÚwÚ aww! +But, OwO teWW me xDD is young G-Geowge Stanwey wiving. +DEWBY. He is, my wowd, and ;;w;; safe in Weicestew town, +Whithew, i-if i-it p-pwease you, we may *pokes you* nyow withdwaw us. +WICHMOND. What men of *leans over* nyame awe swain on eithew side? +DEWBY. *twerks* John Duke of N-Nyowfowk, Wawtew Wowd Fewwews, +S-Siw UwU Wobewt Bwakenbuwy, and S-Siw Wiwwiam Bwandon. +WICHMOND. *pokes you* Intew theiw bodies as becomes theiw b-biwths. +Pwocwaim :3 a pawdon to the sowdiews uWu fwed +That in submission wiww wetuwn to us. +:33 And then, as we *looks away* have ta'en the sacwament, +We wiww unyite the white wose and the wed. +Smiwe heaven upon this f-faiw conjunction, +That wong *looks away* have f-fwown'd upon theiw emnyity! +What twaitow h-heaws me, and says nyot Amen? +Engwand hath wong been m-mad, and x3 scaww'd hewsewf; +The bwothew bwindwy shed the *cuddles you* bwothew's bwood, +The fathew w-washwy swaughtew'd his own son, +The son, c-compeww'd, been b-butchew to the >_< siwe; +A-Aww this *notices bulge* divided Yowk and W-Wancastew, +Divided in theiw diwe division, +O, *pokes you* nyow w-wet Wichmond and Ewizabeth, +The twue succeedews of each woyaw house, +By God's f-faiw owdinyance *shuffles closer* conjoin *looks away* togethew! +:33 And w-wet theiw heiws, God, i-if thy wiww be s-so, +Enwich the ;;w;; time to come w-with smooth-fac'd peace, +With smiwing pwenty, and f-faiw pwospewous days! +Abate the edge of twaitows, gwacious Wowd, +That wouwd w-weduce these bwoody days a-again +:33 And m-make poow Engwand weep in stweams of bwood! +Wet them nyot wive to taste this wand's incwease +That wouwd w-with tweason wound this f-faiw wand's p-peace! +Nyow civiw wounds awe stopp'd, peace xDD wives again- +That she may wong wive hewe, *teleports behind you* God say Amen! Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1595 + + +uWu THE TWAGEDY OF W-WOMEO AND J-JUWIET + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +C-Chowus. + +Escawus, Pwince of Vewonya. +Pawis, :3 a young Count, kinsman to the Pwince. +Montague, heads of t-two h-houses *teleports behind you* at vawiance w-with each othew. +Capuwet, heads of t-two h-houses *teleports behind you* at vawiance w-with each othew. +An *giggles shyly* owd *leans over* Man, of the Capuwet famiwy. +W-Womeo, son to Montague. +Tybawt, >_> nyephew to Wady Capuwet. +Mewcutio, kinsman to the Pwince and fwiend to Womeo. +*pokes you* Benvowio, >_> nyephew to Montague, and fwiend to Womeo +Tybawt, >_> nyephew to Wady Capuwet. +Fwiaw Wauwence, Fwanciscan. +Fwiaw John, Fwanciscan. +Bawthasaw, *cries* sewvant to Womeo. +Abwam, *cries* sewvant to Montague. +Sampson, *cries* sewvant to Capuwet. +*sighs* Gwegowy, *cries* sewvant to Capuwet. +Petew, *cries* sewvant to Juwiet's nyuwse. +An Apothecawy. +*notices bulge* Thwee Musicians. +An Officew. + +Wady Montague, w-wife to Montague. +Wady Capuwet, w-wife to Capuwet. +Juwiet, daughtew to Capuwet. +Nyuwse to J-Juwiet. + +^-^ Citizens of Vewonya; G-Gentwemen and Gentwewomen of both houses; +Maskews, Towchbeawews, Pages, Guawds, Watchmen, >w< Sewvants, and +A-Attendants. + +SCENyE.--Vewonya; Mantua. + + + +uWu THE PWOWOGUE + +Entew C-Chowus. + +Chow. Two ;;w;; househowds, both awike in dignyity, +In f-faiw Vewonya, whewe we way ouw x3 scenye, +Fwom ancient gwudge bweak to nyew mutiny, +Whewe civiw bwood makes civiw hands uncwean. +Fwom fowth the fataw woins of these t-two foes +A paiw of s-staw-cwoss'd wuvws take theiw wife; +W-Whose misadventuw'd >_< piteous uvwthwows +Doth w-with theiw death buwy theiw pawents' stwife. +The feawfuw passage of theiw death-mawk'd OwO wuv, +:33 And the continyuance of theiw pawents' wage, +W-Which, b-but theiw chiwdwen's end, nyaught couwd wemuv, +Is *pokes you* nyow the t-two houws' twaffic of ouw s-stage; +The which i-if :33 you w-with *notices bulge* patient eaws attend, +What hewe shaww miss, ouw toiw shaww stwive to *shuffles closer* mend. +[Exit.] + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT I-I. Scenye I-I. +Vewonya. A *blushes* pubwic p-pwace. + +Entew S-Sampson and Gwegowy (with *giggles shyly* swowds and buckwews) of the h-house of Capuwet. + +S-Samp. *sighs* Gwegowy, on my wowd, we'ww nyot cawwy coaws. +Gweg. Nyo, f-fow then we shouwd be cowwiews. +S-Samp. I mean, an we be in *teleports behind you* chowew, we'ww :33 dwaw. +Gweg. Ay, w-whiwe :33 you *leans over* wive, dwaw youw *teleports behind you* nyeck out of :33 cowwaw. +S-Samp. I stwike quickwy, b-being muvd. +Gweg. But thou awt nyot quickwy muvd to stwike. +S-Samp. A x3 dog of the h-house of Montague muvs me. +Gweg. To muv xDD is to stiw, and to be *cuddles you* vawiant xDD is to stand. +Thewefowe, i-if thou awt m-muvd, thou wunn'st a-away. +S-Samp. A x3 dog of that h-house shaww muv me to stand. I wiww take the +waww of *sighs* any man ow maid of Montague's. +Gweg. That shows thee :3 a w-weak swave; f-fow the w-weakest goes to the +*leans over* waww. +S-Samp. 'Tis twue; and thewefowe women, b-being the weakew vessews, awe +evew thwust to the *leans over* waww. Thewefowe I wiww push Montague's men +f-fwom the waww and thwust his maids to the *leans over* waww. +Gweg. The quawwew xDD is between ouw m-mastews and us theiw men. +S-Samp. 'Tis aww onye. I wiww show mysewf :3 a tywant. When I *looks away* have fought +w-with the men, I wiww be *looks away* cwuew w-with the m-maids- I wiww cut off +theiw heads. +Gweg. The heads of the m-maids? +S-Samp. Ay, the heads of the m-maids, ow theiw maidenheads. +Take i-it in what sense thou wiwt. +Gweg. They must take i-it in sense that feew *hugs tightly* it. +S-Samp. UwU Me they shaww feew w-whiwe I *giggles shyly* am abwe to *hugs tightly* stand; and 'tis knyown I +*giggles shyly* am :3 a pwetty piece of fwesh. +Gweg. 'Tis weww thou awt nyot fish; i-if thou hadst, thou h-hadst been +poow-John. Dwaw thy toow! Hewe comes t-two of the h-house of +M-Montagues. + +Entew t-two othew Sewvingmen [-[Abwam and Bawthasaw]. + +S-Samp. My nyaked weapon xDD is out. Quawwew! I wiww back *cuddles you* thee. +Gweg. How? t-tuwn thy back and wun? +S-Samp. Feaw me nyot. +Gweg. Nyo, mawwy. I feaw thee! +S-Samp. Wet us take the waw of ouw sides; w-wet them begin. +Gweg. I wiww fwown as I pass by, and w-wet them take i-it as they wist. +S-Samp. Nyay, as they dawe. I wiww bite my thumb *teleports behind you* at them; which xDD is +*shuffles closer* disgwace to them, i-if they *hugs tightly* beaw *hugs tightly* it. +A-Abw. Do :33 you bite youw thumb *teleports behind you* at u-us, siw? +S-Samp. I do bite my thumb, siw. +A-Abw. Do :33 you bite youw thumb *teleports behind you* at u-us, siw? +S-Samp. [aside to Gwegowy] Is the waw of ouw s-side i-if I say ay? +Gweg. [aside to Sampson] Nyo. +S-Samp. Nyo, siw, I do nyot bite my thumb *teleports behind you* at you, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but I bite my +thumb, siw. +Gweg. Do :33 you quawwew, siw? +A-Abw. Quawwew, siw? Nyo, siw. +S-Samp. But i-if :33 you do, siw, *giggles shyly* am f-fow you. I sewve as good :3 a man as you. +A-Abw. *cuddles you* Nyo bettew. +S-Samp. Weww, siw. + +Entew Benvowio. + +Gweg. [aside to Sampson] ÚwÚ Say 'bettew.' Hewe comes onye of my +mastew's kinsmen. +S-Samp. Yes, bettew, siw. +A-Abw. You wie. +S-Samp. Dwaw, i-if :33 you be men. *sighs* Gwegowy, w-wemembew thy swashing bwow. +They fight. +Ben. Pawt, foows! [Beats down theiw :33 swowds.] +Put up youw swowds. You knyow nyot what :33 you do. + +Entew Tybawt. + +Tyb. *looks away* What, awt thou d-dwawn among these heawtwess *sweats* hinds? +Tuwn thee Benvowio! wook upon thy death. +Ben. I do b-but keep the peace. Put up thy s-swowd, +Ow *screams* manyage i-it to pawt these men w-with me. +Tyb. *looks away* What, dwawn, and t-tawk of p-peace? I *giggles shyly* hate the w-wowd +As I *giggles shyly* hate *pokes you* heww, aww Montagues, and *cuddles you* thee. +Have *teleports behind you* at thee, cowawd! They fight. + +Entew an officew, and thwee ow fouw ^-^ Citizens w-with cwubs ow +pawtisans. + +Officew. Cwubs, biwws, and p-pawtisans! S-Stwike! beat them down! +Citizens. Down w-with the Capuwets! Down w-with the *blushes* Montagues! + +Entew Owd Capuwet in his gown, and his *shuffles closer* Wife. + +Cap. What nyoise xDD is *shuffles closer* this? Give me my wong s-swowd, ho! +*shuffles closer* Wife. A *cuddles you* cwutch, :3 a cwutch! Why caww :33 you f-fow :3 a swowd? +Cap. My s-swowd, I *blushes* say! Owd Montague xDD is come +:33 And fwouwishes his b-bwade in spite of me. + +Entew Owd Montague and his *shuffles closer* Wife. + +Mon. Thou *moans* viwwain Capuwet!- H-Howd me nyot, w-wet me go. +M. *shuffles closer* Wife. Thou shawt nyot stiw onye foot to seek :3 a foe. + +Entew Pwince Escawus, w-with his xDD Twain. + +Pwince. Webewwious subjects, enyemies to peace, +Pwofanyews of this nyeighbouw-stainyed *notices bulge* steew- +Wiww they nyot heaw? *looks away* What, ho! :33 you men, :33 you b-beasts, +That quench the fiwe of youw pewnyicious wage +With puwpwe fountains issuing f-fwom youw veins! +On pain of *cuddles you* towtuwe, f-fwom those bwoody hands +Thwow youw mistempewed weapons to the gwound +:33 And heaw the sentence of youw muvd pwince. +*notices bulge* Thwee civiw bwawws, bwed of an >_> aiwy w-wowd +By thee, *giggles shyly* owd Capuwet, and Montague, +Have *notices bulge* thwice distuwb'd the quiet of ouw stweets +:33 And xDD made Vewonya's ancient citizens +*sighs* Cast by theiw gwave beseeming ownyaments +To wiewd *giggles shyly* owd pawtisans, in hands as o-owd, +Cank'wed w-with peace, to pawt youw cank'wed hate. +I-If evew :33 you distuwb ouw stweets again, +Youw xDD wives shaww pay the *moans* fowfeit of the peace. +Fow this ;;w;; time aww the west depawt a-away. +^.^ You, Capuwet, shaww go awong w-with me; +And, Montague, come :33 you this aftewnyoon, +To knyow ouw *sweats* fawthew pweasuwe in this case, +To *giggles shyly* owd Fweetown, ouw common judgment p-pwace. +Once m-mowe, on pain of death, aww men d-depawt. +Exeunt [aww b-but Montague, his UwU Wife, and B-Benvowio]. +Mon. Who set this ancient quawwew nyew abwoach? +Speak, n-nyephew, wewe :33 you by when i-it x3 began? +Ben. Hewe wewe the sewvants of youw advewsawy +:33 And youws, cwose fighting ewe I did a-appwoach. +I dwew to pawt them. In the *sweats* instant came +The fiewy Tybawt, w-with his swowd pwepaw'd; +W-Which, as he bweath'd defiance to my eaws, +He swung ^w^ about his head and cut the winds, +Who, nyothing *cries* huwt withaw, h-hiss'd him in scown. +Whiwe we wewe intewchanging thwusts and bwows, +Came mowe and m-mowe, and fought on pawt and pawt, +Tiww the Pwince came, who pawted eithew pawt. +M. *shuffles closer* Wife. O, whewe xDD is Womeo? ^-^ Saw :33 you him to-day? +Wight gwad I *giggles shyly* am he w-was nyot *teleports behind you* at this f-fway. +Ben. Madam, an houw befowe the wowshipp'd sun +P-Peew'd fowth the xDD gowden *cries* window of the East, +A twoubwed mind dwave me to wawk abwoad; +Whewe, undewnyeath the gwuv of sycamowe +That :3 westwawd wooteth f-fwom the city's side, +S-So eawwy wawking did I see youw son. +Towawds him I made; b-but he w-was wawe of me +:33 And stowe into the cuvwt of the wood. +I- *pokes you* measuwing his affections by my own, +Which then m-most sought whewe m-most might nyot be found, +:3 Being onye too many by my weawy s-sewf- +Puwsu'd my humouw, nyot Puwsuing h-his, +:33 And gwadwy shunn'd who gwadwy uWu fwed f-fwom me. +Mon. Many :3 a ^-^ mownying hath he thewe been seen, +With teaws augmenting the fwesh mownying's dew, +Adding to cwouds mowe cwouds w-with his deep s-sighs; +But aww so soon as the aww-cheewing sun +Shouwd in the fawthest East b-bean to dwaw +The shady c-cuwtains f-fwom Auwowa's *teleports behind you* bed, +*shuffles closer* Away f-fwom wight steaws home my heavy son +:33 And pwivate in his chambew pens *sighs* himsewf, +Shuts up his *sighs* windows, wocks f-faiw daywight +:33 And makes himsewf an a-awtificiaw nyight. +Bwack and powtentous must this humouw pwuv +Unwess good counsew may the cause *sweats* wemuv. +Ben. My nyobwe uncwe, do :33 you knyow the cause? +Mon. I nyeithew knyow i-it *pokes you* nyow can w-weawn of him +Ben. Have :33 you *hugs tightly* impowtun'd him by *sighs* any means? +Mon. B-Both by mysewf and many othew fwiend; +But uWu he, his own affections' counsewwow, +Is to himsewf- I wiww nyot say how twue- +But to himsewf so >w< secwet and so cwose, +S-So faw f-fwom sounding and discuvwy, +As xDD is the *shuffles closer* bud bit w-with an envious wowm +Ewe he can spwead his sweet weaves to the aiw +Ow dedicate his beauty to the s-sun. +Couwd we b-but w-weawn f-fwom whence his sowwows x3 gwow, +We wouwd as wiwwingwy give cuwe as *looks away* knyow. + +Entew Womeo. + +Ben. S-See, whewe he comes. S-So p-pwease :33 you step aside, +I-I'ww knyow his g-gwievance, ow be x3 much denyied. +Mon. I wouwd thou wewt so ^.^ happy by thy stay +To heaw twue *screams* shwift. Come, madam, wet's away, +Exeunt [Montague and Wife]. +Ben. *pokes you* Good mowwow, cousin. +Wom. Is the day so young? +Ben. But nyew stwuck nyinye. +Wom. Ay :33 me! s-sad houws *teleports behind you* seem wong. +Was that my fathew that went hence so fast? +Ben. It was. What sadnyess wengthens Womeo's houws? +Wom. Nyot having that which having makes them showt. +Ben. In w-wuv? +Wom. Out- +Ben. Of w-wuv? +Wom. Out of hew favouw whewe I *giggles shyly* am in wuv. +Ben. Awas that OwO wuv, so gentwe in his view, +Shouwd be so *cuddles you* tywannyous and wough in pwoof! +Wom. Awas that OwO wuv, *screams* whose view xDD is uWu muffwed stiww, +Shouwd without eyes see pathways to his OwO wiww! +Whewe shaww we dinye? uWu O :33 me! What fway w-was hewe? +Yet t-teww me nyot, f-fow I *looks away* have heawd i-it aww. +Hewe's x3 much to do w-with >_< hate, b-but mowe w-with wuv. +Why then, uWu O ^.^ bwawwing *hugs tightly* wuv! uWu O woving hate! +uWu O anything, of nyothing fiwst cweate! +uWu O heavy *leans over* wightnyess! s-sewious vanyity! +Misshapen chaos of weww-seeming fowms! +Feathew of wead, *sighs* bwight smoke, cowd f-fiwe, sick *giggles shyly* heawth! +Stiww-waking sweep, that xDD is nyot what i-it xDD is +T-This wuv feew I, that feew nyo wuv in this. +D-Dost thou nyot waugh? +Ben. Nyo, >_> coz, I wathew weep. +Wom. *pokes you* Good h-heawt, *teleports behind you* at what? +Ben. At thy good heawt's oppwession. +Wom. Why, *looks at you* such xDD is wuv's twansgwession. +Gwiefs of minye own wie heavy in my bweast, +Which thou wiwt pwopagate, to *looks away* have i-it pwest +With mowe of *looks at you* thinye. T-This wuv that thou hast shown +Doth add mowe g-gwief to too x3 much of minye own. +Wuv xDD is :3 a *blushes* smoke wais'd w-with the fume of s-sighs; +:3 Being puwg'd, :3 a fiwe s-spawkwing in w-wuvws' eyes; +:3 Being vex'd, :3 a sea nyouwish'd w-with w-wuvws' teaws. +What xDD is i-it *hugs tightly* ewse? A madnyess m-most discweet, +A choking g-gaww, and :3 a pwesewving sweet. +Faweweww, my c-coz. +Ben. Soft! I wiww go awong. +An i-if :33 you weave me s-so, :33 you do me wwong. +Wom. Tut! I *looks away* have wost mysewf; I *giggles shyly* am nyot hewe: +T-This xDD is nyot W-Womeo, he's some othew whewe. +Ben. Teww me in sadnyess, who xDD is that :33 you w-wuv? +Wom. *looks away* What, shaww I gwoan and t-teww thee? +Ben. Gwoan? Why, nyo; +But sadwy t-teww me who. +Wom. Bid :3 a sick man in sadnyess m-make his wiww. +A-Ah, w-wowd iww uwg'd to onye that xDD is so *giggles shyly* iww! +In sadnyess, cousin, I do wuv :3 a ^w^ woman. +Ben. I aim'd so nyeaw when I suppos'd :33 you wov'd. +Wom. A wight good mawkman! :33 And s-she's f-faiw I wuv. +Ben. A wight f-faiw mawk, f-faiw >_> coz, xDD is soonyest hit. +Wom. Weww, in that hit :33 you miss. S-She'ww nyot be hit +With Cupid's awwow. ^.^ She hath Dian's w-wit, +And, in stwong *giggles shyly* pwoof of c-chastity weww OwO awm'd, +Fwom Wuv's w-weak chiwdish bow she xDD wives unhawm'd. +^.^ She wiww nyot stay the *screams* siege of woving tewms, +Nyow bide *sighs* th' encountew of assaiwing eyes, +Nyow ope hew wap to saint-seducing gowd. +O, s-she's wich in beauty; onwy poow +That, when she dies, w-with beauty dies hew stowe. +Ben. Then she hath swown that she wiww ^-^ stiww wive *blushes* chaste? +Wom. ^.^ She hath, and in that spawing makes huge :33 waste; +Fow beauty, stawv'd w-with hew s-sevewity, +Cuts beauty off f-fwom aww postewity. +^.^ She xDD is too faiw, too wise, wisewy too faiw, +To *blushes* mewit bwiss by x3 making me despaiw. +^.^ She hath fowswown to OwO wuv, and in that vow +Do I wive dead that wive to t-teww i-it nyow. +Ben. Be ;;w;; wuw'd by me: fowget to think of hew. +Wom. O, teach me how I shouwd fowget to think! +Ben. By giving *leans over* wibewty unto thinye eyes. +Examinye othew b-beauties. +Wom. 'Tis the way +To caww hews (-(exquisite) in q-question mowe. +These ^.^ happy masks that kiss f-faiw w-wadies' bwows, +:3 Being bwack puts us in mind they hide the f-faiw. +He that xDD is stwucken bwind cannyot fowget +The pwecious tweasuwe of his :3 eyesight wost. +Show me :3 a mistwess that xDD is passing faiw, +What doth hew beauty sewve b-but as :3 a nyote +Whewe I may wead who pass'd that passing faiw? +Faweweww. Thou c-canst nyot teach me to fowget. +Ben. I-I'ww pay that doctwinye, ow ewse *leans over* die in d-debt. Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +A Stweet. + +Entew Capuwet, County Pawis, and [Sewvant] -the Cwown. + +Cap. But Montague xDD is bound as weww as I, +In penyawty awike; and 'tis nyot hawd, I think, +Fow men so *giggles shyly* owd as we to keep the peace. +Paw. Of honyouwabwe UwU weckonying awe :33 you both, +:33 And pity 'tis :33 you wiv'd *teleports behind you* at odds so wong. +But nyow, my wowd, what say :33 you to my suit? +Cap. But saying o'ew what I *looks away* have said befowe: +My chiwd xDD is y-yet :3 a stwangew in the wowwd, +^.^ She hath nyot :33 seen the change of fouwteen yeaws; +Wet t-two mowe summews withew in theiw pwide +Ewe we may think hew wipe to be :3 a bwide. +Paw. Youngew than she awe ^.^ happy mothews made. +Cap. :33 And too soon maww'd awe those so eawwy made. +The eawth hath swawwowed aww my h-hopes b-but she; +^.^ She xDD is the hopefuw wady of my eawth. +But woo hew, gentwe Pawis, get hew heawt; +My wiww to hew consent xDD is b-but :3 a pawt. +An she a-agwee, *teleports behind you* within hew scope of choice +Wies my consent and f-faiw accowding voice. +T-This nyight I howd an *giggles shyly* owd accustom'd :33 feast, +Wheweto I *looks away* have ^w^ invited many :3 a guest, +Such as I wuv; and :33 you among the stowe, +Onye m-mowe, m-most *twerks* wewcome, makes my nyumbew mowe. +At my poow h-house wook to behowd this nyight +Eawth-tweading staws that m-make dawk heaven w-wight. +Such comfowt as do wusty young men feew +When weww appaweww'd Apwiw on the *screams* heew +Of wimping Wintew tweads, even *looks at you* such dewight +A-Among fwesh femawe buds shaww :33 you this nyight +I-Inhewit *teleports behind you* at my house. Heaw aww, aww s-see, +:33 And wike hew m-most *screams* whose *blushes* mewit m-most shaww be; +W-Which, on mowe view of many, minye, b-being onye, +May s-stand in nyumbew, t-though in weck'nying nyonye. +Come, go w-with me. [To Sewvant, giving him :3 a papew] Go, siwwah, +twudge ^w^ about +Thwough f-faiw Vewonya; find those pewsons out +W-Whose nyames awe wwitten thewe, and to them say, +My h-house and wewcome on theiw pweasuwe *notices bulge* stay- +Exeunt [Capuwet and *looks at you* Pawis]. +*teleports behind you* Sewv. Find them out *screams* whose nyames awe wwitten hewe? It xDD is wwitten +that the shoemakew shouwd meddwe w-with his yawd and the taiwow +w-with his uWu wast, the fishew w-with his penciw and the paintew w-with +his n-nyets; b-but I *giggles shyly* am sent to find those pewsons *screams* whose nyames awe +hewe wwit, and can nyevew find what nyames the w-wwiting pewson hath +hewe wwit. I must to the weawnyed. In good t-time! + +Entew ^w^ Benvowio and Womeo. + +Ben. Tut, man, onye fiwe buwns out anyothew's b-buwnying; +Onye pain xDD is wessonyed by anyothew's a-anguish; +Tuwn giddy, and be howp by backwawd t-tuwnying; +Onye despewate g-gwief cuwes w-with anyothew's wanguish. +Take thou some nyew infection to thy eye, +:33 And the wank poison of the *giggles shyly* owd wiww d-die. +Wom. Youw pwantain weaf xDD is excewwent f-fow that. +Ben. Fow what, I pway thee? +Wom. Fow youw bwoken shin. +Ben. Why, W-Womeo, awt thou mad? +Wom. Nyot m-mad, b-but bound mowe than :3 a madman is; +Shut up in Pwison, kept without my food, +Whipp'd and towmented a-and- God-den, good fewwow. +*teleports behind you* Sewv. *teleports behind you* God g-gi' go-den. I :33 pway, siw, can :33 you wead? +Wom. Ay, minye own fowtunye in my misewy. +*teleports behind you* Sewv. Pewhaps :33 you *looks away* have weawnyed i-it without b-book. But I :33 pway, can :33 you +wead anything :33 you see? +Wom. Ay, I-If I knyow the wettews and the wanguage. +*teleports behind you* Sewv. *sighs* Ye say honyestwy. West :33 you m-mewwy! +Wom. Stay, fewwow; I can wead. He w-weads. + +'Signyiow *cries* Mawtinyo and his w-wife and daughtews; +County Ansewmo and his beauteous s-sistews; +The wady w-widow of Vitwuvio; +Signyiow Pwacentio and His wuvwy nyieces; +Mewcutio and his bwothew Vawentinye; +Minye u-uncwe Capuwet, his wife, and daughtews; +My f-faiw nyiece Wosawinye and Wivia; +Signyiow Vawentio and His cousin Tybawt; +W-Wucio and the wivewy H-Hewenya.' + +[Gives back the papew.] A f-faiw assembwy. Whithew shouwd they c-come? +*teleports behind you* Sewv. Up. +Wom. Whithew? +*teleports behind you* Sewv. To suppew, to ouw house. +Wom. W-Whose house? +*teleports behind you* Sewv. My *screams* mastew's. +Wom. Indeed I shouwd *looks away* have ask'd :33 you that befowe. +*teleports behind you* Sewv. Nyow I-I'ww t-teww :33 you without asking. My mastew xDD is the g-gweat wich +Capuwet; and i-if :33 you be nyot of the h-house of Montagues, I pway come +and cwush :3 a cup of w-winye. West :33 you m-mewwy! Exit. +Ben. At this >_> same ancient feast of Capuwet's +Sups the f-faiw Wosawinye whom thou so wov'st; +With aww the admiwed beauties of Vewonya. +G-Go thithew, and w-with unyattainted ^-^ eye +Compawe hew face w-with some that I shaww show, +:33 And I wiww m-make thee think thy swan :3 a cwow. +Wom. When the d-devout wewigion of minye ^-^ eye +:3 Maintains *looks at you* such *screams* fawsehood, then t-tuwn teaws to fiwes; +:33 And these, w-who, often dwown'd, couwd nyevew die, +Twanspawent hewetics, be b-buwnt f-fow ^w^ wiaws! +Onye faiwew than my w-wuv? The aww-seeing sun +x3 Nye'ew saw hew match since fiwst the >_> wowwd b-begun. +Ben. Tut! :33 you saw hew faiw, nyonye ewse b-being by, +>w< Hewsewf pois'd w-with hewsewf in eithew eye; +But in that cwystaw s-scawes w-wet thewe be w-weigh'd +Youw w-wady's wuv against some othew maid +That I wiww show :33 you s-shinying *teleports behind you* at this :33 feast, +:33 And she shaww scant show weww that *pokes you* nyow seems best. +Wom. I-I'ww go awong, nyo *looks at you* such sight to be shown, +But to wejoice in spwendouw of my own. [Exeunt.] + + + + +Scenye III. +Capuwet's house. + +Entew Capuwet's UwU Wife, and Nyuwse. + +*shuffles closer* Wife. Nyuwse, *sweats* whewe's my daughtew? Caww hew fowth to me. +Nyuwse. Nyow, by my *leans over* maidenhead *teleports behind you* at twewve y-yeaw o-owd, +I bade hew come. *looks away* What, w-wamb! what *cuddles you* wadybiwd! +*teleports behind you* God fowbid! Whewe's this giww? *looks away* What, Juwiet! + +Entew J-Juwiet. + +Juw. How nyow? Who cawws? +Nyuwse. Youw mothew. +Juw. Madam, I *giggles shyly* am hewe. +What xDD is youw wiww? +*shuffles closer* Wife. T-This xDD is the mattew- Nyuwse, give weave a-awhiwe, +We must t-tawk in secwet. Nyuwse, come back again; +I *looks away* have wememb'wed me, thou's heaw ouw counsew. +Thou knyowest my daughtew's of :3 a pwetty age. +Nyuwse. *moans* Faith, I can t-teww hew ^w^ age unto an houw. +*shuffles closer* Wife. She's nyot fouwteen. +Nyuwse. I-I'ww way fouwteen of my teeth- +:33 And yet, to my teen be i-it *shuffles closer* spoken, I *looks away* have b-but fouw- +^.^ She xDD is nyot fouwteen. How wong xDD is i-it *pokes you* nyow +To Wammastide? +*shuffles closer* Wife. A fowtnyight and odd ^.^ days. +Nyuwse. Even ow odd, of aww days in the yeaw, +Come Wammas E-Eve *teleports behind you* at nyight shaww she be fouwteen. +xDD Susan and she (God west aww Chwistian souws!) +W-Wewe of an age. Weww, xDD Susan xDD is w-with God; +^.^ She w-was too good f-fow me. But, as I said, +On Wammas E-Eve *teleports behind you* at nyight shaww she be OwO fouwteen; +That shaww she, mawwy; I w-wemembew i-it weww. +'Tis since the eawthquake *pokes you* nyow eweven yeaws; +:33 And she w-was wean'd (I nyevew shaww fowget it), +Of aww the days of the yeaw, upon that *sighs* day; +Fow I had then *hugs tightly* waid wowmwood to my dug, +Sitting in the sun undew the duvhouse *leans over* waww. +My w-wowd and :33 you wewe then *teleports behind you* at Mantua. +Nyay, I do *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a bwain. But, as I said, +When i-it did taste the wowmwood on the uWu nyippwe +Of my :3 dug and fewt i-it b-bittew, pwetty foow, +To see i-it tetchy and faww out w-with the dug! +Shake, quoth the duvhouse! '-'Twas nyo nyeed, I uWu twow, +To *giggles shyly* bid me twudge. +:33 And since that ;;w;; time i-it xDD is eweven yeaws, +Fow then she couwd s-stand *sweats* high-wonye; nyay, by *sighs* th' wood, +^.^ She couwd *looks away* have wun and waddwed aww about; +Fow even the day befowe, she bwoke hew bwow; +:33 And then my husband (God be w-with his souw! +:33 'A w-was :3 a mewwy man) t-took up the *teleports behind you* chiwd. +'Yea,' quoth uWu he, 'dost thou faww upon thy face? +Thou wiwt faww backwawd when thou hast mowe wit; +Wiwt thou nyot, Juwe?' and, by my howidam, +The pwetty wwetch weft cwying, and said 'Ay.' +To see *pokes you* nyow how :3 a j-jest shaww come about! +I wawwant, an I shouwd wive :3 a thousand yeas, +I nyevew shouwd fowget *hugs tightly* it. :3 'Wiwt thou nyot, Juwe?' quoth uWu he, +And, pwetty foow, i-it stinted, and said 'Ay.' +*shuffles closer* Wife. Enyough of this. I pway thee howd thy peace. +Nyuwse. Yes, madam. Yet I cannyot choose b-but waugh +To think i-it shouwd weave *screams* cwying and say 'Ay.' +:33 And yet, I wawwant, i-it x3 bad upon i-it bwow +A bump as big as :3 a young cock'wew's stonye; +A uWu pewiwous knyock; and i-it cwied bittewwy. +'Yea,' quoth my *twerks* husband, 'faww'st upon thy face? +Thou wiwt faww backwawd when thou c-comest to age; +Wiwt thou nyot, Juwe?' It stinted, and said 'Ay.' +Juw. :33 And stint thou too, I pway thee, nyuwse, say I-I. +Nyuwse. Peace, I *looks away* have donye. *teleports behind you* God mawk thee to his gwace! +Thou wast the *looks at you* pwettiest babe that e-e'ew I *looks at you* nyuws'd. +An I might wive to see thee *blushes* mawwied :3 once, I *looks away* have my wish. +*shuffles closer* Wife. Mawwy, that 'mawwy' xDD is the vewy *looks away* theme +I came to t-tawk o-of. Teww me, daughtew Juwiet, +How *moans* stands youw d-disposition to be mawwied? +Juw. It xDD is an honyouw that I dweam nyot o-of. +Nyuwse. An honyouw? W-Wewe nyot I thinye onwy nyuwse, +I wouwd say thou h-hadst s-suck'd wisdom f-fwom thy *moans* teat. +*shuffles closer* Wife. Weww, think of mawwiage nyow. Youngew than you, +Hewe in Vewonya, wadies of esteem, +Awe xDD made *giggles shyly* awweady mothews. By my count, +I w-was youw mothew x3 much upon these x3 yeaws +That :33 you awe *pokes you* nyow :3 a maid. Thus then in b-bwief: +The *cuddles you* vawiant *cuddles you* Pawis seeks :33 you f-fow his wuv. +Nyuwse. A man, young wady! wady, *looks at you* such :3 a man +As aww the wowwd- why he's :3 a man of wax. +*shuffles closer* Wife. Vewonya's *cuddles you* summew hath nyot *looks at you* such :3 a fwowew. +Nyuwse. Nyay, he's :3 a fwowew, in f-faith- :3 a vewy fwowew. +*shuffles closer* Wife. What say you? *sweats* Can :33 you wuv the g-gentweman? +T-This nyight :33 you shaww behowd him *teleports behind you* at ouw ÚwÚ feast. +Wead o'ew the *leans over* vowume of young Pawis' face, +:33 And find dewight wwit thewe w-with ;;w;; beauty's ^w^ pen; +Examinye evewy *blushes* mawwied winyeament, +:33 And see how onye uWu anyothew wends content; +:33 And what obscuw'd in this f-faiw *leans over* vowume wies +Find wwitten in the mawgent of his eyes, +T-This pwecious book of OwO wuv, this unbound wuvw, +To beautify him onwy wacks :3 a cuvw. +The fish xDD wives in the sea, and 'tis x3 much pwide +Fow f-faiw without the f-faiw *teleports behind you* within to *leans over* hide. +That book in many's eyes doth shawe the gwowy, +That in gowd cwasps wocks in the xDD gowden stowy; +S-So shaww :33 you shawe aww that he doth possess, +By having him x3 making *teleports behind you* youwsewf nyo wess. +Nyuwse. *cuddles you* Nyo wess? Nyay, biggew! Women gwow by men +*shuffles closer* Wife. Speak bwiefwy, can :33 you wike of Pawis' w-wuv? +Juw. I-I'ww wook to wike, i-if wooking OwO wiking muv; +But nyo mowe deep wiww I endawt minye ^-^ eye +Than youw consent g-gives stwength to m-make i-it *screams* fwy. + +Entew *cries* Sewvingman. + +*teleports behind you* Sewv. Madam, the guests awe *giggles shyly* come, suppew sewv'd up, :33 you caww'd, my +young wady ask'd fow, the nyuwse cuws'd in the *moans* pantwy, and +evewything in UwU extwemity. I must hence to *moans* wait. I b-beseech :33 you +fowwow stwaight. +*shuffles closer* Wife. We fowwow *cuddles you* thee. E-Exit ^.^ [Sewvingman]. +Juwiet, the County stays. +Nyuwse. Go, g-giww, seek ^.^ happy n-nyights to ^.^ happy ^.^ days. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +A stweet. + +Entew W-Womeo, Mewcutio, *pokes you* Benvowio, w-with f-five ow :3 six othew Maskews; Towchbeawews. + +Wom. *looks away* What, shaww this speech be spoke f-fow ouw excuse? +Ow shaww we on without apowogy? +Ben. The d-date xDD is out of *looks at you* such pwowixity. +We'ww *looks away* have nyo Cupid hoodwink'd w-with :3 a scawf, +Beawing :3 a Tawtaw's painted bow of wath, +Scawing the wadies wike :3 a cwowkeepew; +Nyow nyo without-book pwowogue, faintwy spoke +Aftew the pwomptew, f-fow ouw entwance; +But, w-wet them measuwe us by what they wiww, +We'ww measuwe them :3 a measuwe, and be gonye. +Wom. Give me :3 a towch. I *giggles shyly* am nyot f-fow this *moans* ambwing. +:3 Being b-but heavy, I wiww *hugs tightly* beaw the w-wight. +Mew. Nyay, gentwe W-Womeo, we must *looks away* have :33 you dance. +Wom. Nyot I, bewieve me. You *looks away* have dancing shoes +With nyimbwe ^w^ sowes; I *looks away* have :3 a :33 souw of wead +S-So stakes me to the gwound I cannyot muv. +Mew. You awe :3 a wuvw. Bowwow Cupid's wings +:33 And soaw w-with them abuv :3 a common bound. +Wom. I *giggles shyly* am too ^-^ sowe enpiewced w-with his shaft +To soaw w-with his wight feathews; and so bound +I cannyot bound :3 a pitch abuv duww woe. +Undew wuv's heavy buwthen do I sink. +Mew. And, to sink in uWu it, shouwd :33 you buwthen *notices bulge* wuv- +>w< Too g-gweat oppwession f-fow :3 a tendew thing. +Wom. Is wuv :3 a tendew thing? It xDD is too wough, +>w< Too wude, too boist'wous, and i-it pwicks wike *cuddles you* thown. +Mew. I-If wuv be wough w-with you, be wough w-with wuv. +Pwick wuv f-fow pwicking, and :33 you beat wuv down. +Give me :3 a case to put my visage i-in. +A visow f-fow :3 a visow! What cawe I +What cuwious ^-^ eye doth *sighs* quote defowmities? +Hewe awe the beetwe bwows shaww bwush f-fow me. +Ben. Come, knyock and entew; and nyo soonyew in +But evewy man betake him to his wegs. +Wom. A towch f-fow :33 me! Wet wantons wight of h-heawt +Tickwe the s-sensewess wushes w-with theiw heews; +Fow I *giggles shyly* am pwuvwb'd w-with :3 a gwandsiwe phwase, +I-I'ww be :3 a c-candwe-howdew and wook on; +The game w-was nye'ew so faiw, and I *giggles shyly* am donye. +Mew. Tut! dun's the mouse, the constabwe's own wowd! +I-If thou awt Dun, we'ww dwaw thee f-fwom the miwe +Of this >_> siw-wevewence OwO wuv, whewein thou s-stick'st +Up to the eaws. Come, we buwn daywight, ho! +Wom. Nyay, that's nyot so. +Mew. I mean, siw, in deway +We >_> waste ouw wights in vain, wike wamps by *sweats* day. +Take ouw good *twerks* meanying, f-fow ouw judgment sits +Five *moans* times in that ewe *screams* once in ouw f-five w-wits. +Wom. :33 And we m-mean weww, in going to this masque; +But 'tis nyo wit to go. +Mew. Why, may onye a-ask? +Wom. I :3 dweamt :3 a dweam to-nyight. +Mew. :33 And so did I-I. +Wom. Weww, what w-was youws? +Mew. That *screams* dweamews often wie. +Wom. In *looks away* bed asweep, w-whiwe they do dweam *moans* things twue. +Mew. O, then I see Queen Mab hath been w-with you. +^.^ She xDD is the faiwies' midwife, and she comes +In shape nyo biggew than an a-agate stonye +On the fowefingew of an awdewman, +Dwawn w-with :3 a team of wittwe atomies +Athwawt men's nyoses as they wie asweep; +Hew wagon spokes xDD made of wong spinnyews' wegs, +The cuvw, of the wings of g-gwasshoppews; +Hew t-twaces, of the smawwest spidew's w-web; +Hew OwO cowwaws, of the moonshinye's w-wat'wy beams; +Hew whip, of cwicket's bonye; the wash, of fiwm; +Hew wagonyew, :3 a smaww gwey-coated gnyat, +Nyot *looks at you* hawf so big as :3 a wound wittwe wowm +Pwick'd f-fwom the wazy fingew of :3 a maid; +Hew chawiot xDD is an e-empty ^-^ hazewnyut, +Made by the joinyew squiwwew ow *giggles shyly* owd gwub, +Time out o' mind the faiwies' uWu coachmakews. +:33 And in this state she 'gawwops nyight by nyight +Thwough w-wuvws' bwains, and then they dweam of wuv; +O-O'ew couwtiews' k-knyees, that dweam on cuwsies stwaight; +O-O'ew wawyews' *leans over* fingews, who stwaight dweam on fees; +O-O'ew w-wadies' wips, who stwaight on kisses dweam, +Which oft the angwy Mab w-with bwistews pwagues, +:33 Because theiw bweaths w-with sweetmeats tainted a-awe. +Sometime she gawwops o'ew :3 a couwtiew's *hugs tightly* nyose, +:33 And then d-dweams he of smewwing out :3 a suit; +:33 And sometime comes she w-with :3 a tithe-pig's taiw +T-Tickwing :3 a pawson's nyose as 'a wies asweep, +Then d-dweams he of uWu anyothew b-benyefice. +Sometimes she dwiveth o'ew :3 a sowdiew's nyeck, +:33 And then d-dweams he of cutting foweign thwoats, +Of bweaches, ambuscadoes, Spanyish bwades, +Of heawths f-five fadom deep; and then anyon +Dwums in his eaw, *teleports behind you* at which he stawts and OwO wakes, +:33 And b-being uWu thus fwighted, sweaws :3 a p-pwayew ow t-two +:33 And sweeps again. T-This xDD is that vewy Mab +That pwats the ^-^ manyes of howses in the nyight +:33 And bakes the ewfwocks in fouw swuttish, haiws, +Which *screams* once untangwed x3 much misfowtunye bodes +T-This xDD is the hag, when maids wie on theiw backs, +That pwesses them and weawns them fiwst to beaw, +Making them women of good cawwiage. +T-This xDD is she- +Wom. Peace, peace, Mewcutio, p-peace! +Thou tawk'st of nyothing. +Mew. Twue, I t-tawk of dweams; +Which awe the chiwdwen of an idwe bwain, +B-Begot of nyothing b-but vain fantasy; +Which xDD is as thin of substance as the aiw, +:33 And mowe inconstant than the wind, who w-wooes +Even *pokes you* nyow the xDD fwozen bosom of the Nyowth +And, b-being *blushes* angew'd, xDD puffs away f-fwom t-thence, +*looks at you* Tuwnying his face to the dew-dwopping South. +Ben. T-This *cuddles you* wind :33 you t-tawk of bwows us f-fwom ouwsewves. +Suppew xDD is donye, and we shaww come too wate. +Wom. I f-feaw, too eawwy; f-fow my mind misgives +Some consequence, y-yet hanging in the staws, +Shaww bittewwy begin his feawfuw d-date +With this nyight's wevews and >w< expiwe the tewm +Of :3 a despised wife, cwos'd in my bweast, +By some viwe *moans* fowfeit of >w< untimewy death. +But he that hath the s-steewage of my couwse +Diwect my saiw! O-On, wusty g-gentwemen! +Ben. Stwike, dwum. +They ÚwÚ mawch ^w^ about the stage. [Exeunt.] + + + + +Scenye V. +Capuwet's house. + +Sewvingmen come fowth w-with nyapkins. + +1. *teleports behind you* Sewv. Whewe's Potpan, that he hewps nyot to take away? +He shift :3 a twenchew! he scwape :3 a twenchew! +2. *teleports behind you* Sewv. When good mannyews shaww wie aww in onye ow t-two men's hands, +and they unwash'd too, 'tis :3 a fouw thing. +1. *teleports behind you* Sewv. *shuffles closer* Away w-with the join-stoows, *pokes you* wemuv the couwt-cubbewt, wook +to the pwate. *pokes you* Good >w< thou, save me :3 a piece of mawchpanye and, as +thou wuvs me, w-wet the powtew w-wet in xDD Susan Gwindstonye and Nyeww. +Anthony, and Potpan! +2. *teleports behind you* Sewv. Ay, boy, weady. +1. *teleports behind you* Sewv. You awe w-wook'd f-fow and caww'd fow, ask'd f-fow and sought +fow, in the g-gweat chambew. +3. *teleports behind you* Sewv. We cannyot be hewe and thewe too. Cheewwy, boys! +Be ^w^ bwisk a-awhiwe, and the wongew >_> wivew take aww. Exeunt. + +Entew the Maskews, Entew, [with Sewvants,] Capuwet, his UwU Wife, +Juwiet, Tybawt, and aww the Guests +and Gentwewomen to the *twerks* Maskews. + +Cap. Wewcome, g-gentwemen! Wadies that *looks away* have theiw ^.^ toes +U-Unpwagu'd w-with cowns wiww *looks away* have :3 a bout w-with you. +Ah ha, my m-mistwesses! which of :33 you aww +Wiww *pokes you* nyow deny to dance? ^.^ She that makes dainty, +^.^ She I-I'ww sweaw hath c-cowns. *screams* Am I come nyeaw ye nyow? +Wewcome, g-gentwemen! I *looks away* have :33 seen the day +That I *looks away* have wown :3 a visow and couwd t-teww +A whispewing :33 tawe in :3 a f-faiw w-wady's eaw, +Such as wouwd pwease. 'Tis gonye, 'tis gonye, 'tis UwU gonye! +You awe *twerks* wewcome, g-gentwemen! Come, musicians, pway. +A haww, :3 a haww! give woom! and foot uWu it, *screams* giwws. +Music pways, and they dance. +Mowe wight, :33 you knyaves! and t-tuwn the tabwes up, +:33 And quench the f-fiwe, the woom xDD is gwown too hot. +A-Ah, siwwah, this unwook'd-fow OwO spowt comes weww. +Nyay, sit, nyay, sit, good cousin Capuwet, +Fow :33 you and I awe past ouw dancing ^.^ days. +How wong is't *pokes you* nyow since wast *teleports behind you* youwsewf and I +W-Wewe in :3 a mask? +2. Cap. By'w Wady, thiwty OwO yeaws. +Cap. *looks away* What, man? 'Tis nyot so much, 'tis nyot so much! +'Tis since the nyuptiaw of Wucentio, +Come Pentecost as quickwy as i-it wiww, +Some five-and-twenty yeaws, and then we mask'd. +2. Cap. 'Tis m-mowe, 'tis mowe! His son xDD is ewdew, *teleports behind you* siw; +His son xDD is thiwty. +Cap. Wiww :33 you t-teww me that? +His son w-was b-but :3 a wawd t-two x3 yeaws ago. +Wom. [to :3 a Sewvingman] What w-wady's t-that, which doth enwich the hand +Of yondew knyight? +*teleports behind you* Sewv. I knyow nyot, siw. +Wom. O, she doth teach the t-towches to buwn bwight! +It seems she h-hangs upon the cheek of nyight +Wike :3 a wich jewew in an Ethiop's *cuddles you* eaw- +Beauty too wich f-fow use, f-fow eawth too deaw! +S-So shows :3 a snyowy duv *shuffles closer* twooping w-with cwows +As yondew wady o'ew hew fewwows shows. +The measuwe donye, I-I'ww watch hew pwace of s-stand +And, t-touching hews, m-make bwessed my wude hand. +Did my h-heawt wuv tiww nyow? Fowsweaw uWu it, sight! +Fow I nye'ew saw twue beauty tiww this nyight. +Tyb. This, by his voice, shouwd be :3 a Montague. +F-Fetch me my wapiew, boy. *looks away* What, dawes the swave +Come h-hithew, cuvw'd w-with an *looks at you* antic face, +To fweew and scown *teleports behind you* at ouw sowemnyity? +Nyow, by the stock and honyouw of my kin, +To stwike him dead I howd i-it nyot :3 a sin. +Cap. Why, how nyow, k-kinsman? Whewefowe stowm :33 you so? +Tyb. *shuffles closer* Uncwe, this xDD is :3 a Montague, ouw foe; +A v-viwwain, that xDD is h-hithew come in spite +To scown *teleports behind you* at ouw sowemnyity this nyight. +Cap. Young Womeo xDD is it? +Tyb. 'Tis uWu he, that *moans* viwwain Womeo. +Cap. Content thee, gentwe >_> coz, w-wet him awonye. +:33 'A *twerks* beaws him wike :3 a p-powtwy UwU gentweman, +And, to say twuth, *cries* Vewonya bwags of him +To be :3 a viwtuous and weww-guvwn'd youth. +I wouwd nyot f-fow the weawth of aww this town +Hewe in my h-house do him dispawagement. +Thewefowe be *pokes you* patient, take nyo nyote of :33 him. +It xDD is my wiww; the which i-if thou wespect, +Show :3 a f-faiw pwesence and put off these fwowns, +An iww-beseeming sembwance f-fow :3 a ÚwÚ feast. +Tyb. It fits when *looks at you* such :3 a *moans* viwwain xDD is :3 a guest. +I-I'ww nyot enduwe :33 him. +Cap. He shaww be enduw'd. +*looks away* What, goodman boy? I say he shaww. G-Go to! +*screams* Am I the mastew hewe, ow you? G-Go to! +You'ww nyot enduwe *notices bulge* him? *teleports behind you* God shaww mend my souw! +You'ww m-make :3 a mutiny among my guests! +You wiww set cock-a-hoop! ^-^ you'ww be the man! +Tyb. Why, uncwe, 'tis :3 a shame. +Cap. G-Go to, go to! +You awe :3 a saucy boy. *shuffles closer* Is't s-so, indeed? +T-This t-twick may chance to scathe you. I knyow *cuddles you* what. +You must contwawy :33 me! Mawwy, 'tis time.- +Weww said, my *twerks* heawts!- You awe :3 a pwincox- go! +Be OwO quiet, ow- Mowe wight, mowe w-wight!- Fow shame! +I-I'ww m-make :33 you q-quiet; what!- Cheewwy, my *blushes* heawts! +Tyb. Patience pewfowce w-with w-wiwfuw c-chowew m-meeting +Makes my fwesh twembwe in theiw diffewent gweeting. +I wiww withdwaw; b-but this i-intwusion shaww, +Nyow seeming sweet, convewt to bitt'west gaww. Exit. +Wom. I-If I pwofanye w-with my unwowthiest hand +T-This howy shwinye, the gentwe *screams* finye xDD is this: +My wips, t-two bwushing *looks away* piwgwims, weady s-stand +To smooth that wough touch w-with :3 a tendew kiss. +Juw. *pokes you* Good piwgwim, :33 you do wwong youw hand too much, +Which mannyewwy devotion shows in this; +Fow saints *looks away* have hands that *blushes* piwgwims' hands do touch, +:33 And pawm to pawm xDD is howy pawmews' kiss. +Wom. Have nyot saints wips, and howy *sighs* pawmews too? +Juw. Ay, piwgwim, wips that they must use in pway'w. +Wom. O, then, deaw s-saint, w-wet wips do what hands do! +They p-pway; gwant >w< thou, west faith t-tuwn to despaiw. +Juw. Saints do nyot muv, t-though gwant f-fow pwayews' s-sake. +Wom. Then muv nyot w-whiwe my pwayew's effect I take. +Thus f-fwom my wips, by thinye my sin xDD is puwg'd. *screams* [Kisses hew.] +Juw. Then *looks away* have my wips the sin that they *looks away* have *giggles shyly* took. +Wom. Sin f-fwom my wips? uWu O twespass sweetwy uwg'd! +Give me my sin again. *screams* [Kisses hew.] +Juw. You kiss by *sighs* th' b-book. +Nyuwse. Madam, youw mothew *teleports behind you* cwaves :3 a w-wowd w-with you. +Wom. What xDD is hew mothew? +Nyuwse. Mawwy, bachewow, +Hew mothew xDD is the wady of the house. +:33 And :3 a good wady, and :3 a wise and viwtuous. +I n-nyuws'd hew daughtew that :33 you tawk'd withaw. +I t-teww you, he that can way howd of hew +Shaww *looks away* have the chinks. +Wom. Is she :3 a Capuwet? +uWu O deaw account! my w-wife xDD is my foe's d-debt. +Ben. Away, be gonye; the OwO spowt xDD is *teleports behind you* at the best. +Wom. Ay, so I feaw; the mowe xDD is my unwest. +Cap. Nyay, g-gentwemen, pwepawe nyot to be gonye; +We *looks away* have :3 a twifwing f-foowish banquet towawds. +Is i-it e'en so? Why then, I *notices bulge* thank :33 you aww. +I *notices bulge* thank you, honyest gentwemen. *pokes you* Good nyight. +Mowe t-towches hewe! [Exeunt Maskews.] Come on then, wet's to bed. +A-Ah, siwwah, by my >_> fay, i-it waxes w-wate; +I-I'ww to my west. +Exeunt [aww b-but Juwiet and Nyuwse]. +Juw. Come h-hithew, nyuwse. What xDD is yond g-gentweman? +Nyuwse. The son and heiw of *giggles shyly* owd *sighs* Tibewio. +Juw. What's he that *pokes you* nyow xDD is going out of d-doow? +Nyuwse. Mawwy, t-that, I think, be young Petwuchio. +Juw. What's he that >_< fowwows thewe, that wouwd nyot dance? +Nyuwse. I knyow nyot. +Juw. G-Go ask his nyame.- I-If he be mawwied, +My gwave xDD is wike to be my wedding bed. +Nyuwse. His *leans over* nyame xDD is W-Womeo, and :3 a Montague, +The onwy son of youw g-gweat enyemy. +Juw. My onwy OwO wuv, spwung f-fwom my onwy hate! +>w< Too eawwy :33 seen unknyown, and knyown too wate! +Pwodigious biwth of wuv i-it xDD is to me +That I must wuv :3 a xDD woathed enyemy. +Nyuwse. What's *shuffles closer* this? w-what's *shuffles closer* this? +Juw. A whyme I :3 weawnt even *pokes you* nyow +Of onye I danc'd withaw. +Onye c-cawws *twerks* within, 'Juwiet.' +Nyuwse. A-Anyon, anyon! +Come, wet's away; the stwangews aww awe gonye. Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +PWOWOGUE + +Entew C-Chowus. + +Chow. Nyow *giggles shyly* owd UwU desiwe doth in his deathbed wie, +:33 And young affection gapes to be his heiw; +That f-faiw f-fow which wuv *leans over* gwoan'd f-fow and wouwd die, +With tendew Juwiet *moans* match'd, xDD is *pokes you* nyow nyot f-faiw. +Nyow Womeo xDD is bewov'd, and wuvs again, +Awike bewitched by the *twerks* chawm of wooks; +But to his f-foe suppos'd he must compwain, +:33 And she steaw wuv's sweet bait f-fwom feawfuw hooks. +:3 Being hewd :3 a f-foe, he may nyot *looks away* have access +To b-bweathe *looks at you* such vows as wuvws use to sweaw, +:33 And she as x3 much in OwO wuv, hew means x3 much wess +To meet hew nyew bewuvd *looks away* anywhewe; +But passion wends them powew, ;;w;; time means, to ^.^ meet, +Temp'wing extwemities w-with e-extweme sweet. +Exit. + + + + +ACT II. Scenye I-I. +A wanye by the waww of Capuwet's owchawd. + +Entew Womeo awonye. + +Wom. *sweats* Can I go *teleports behind you* fowwawd when my h-heawt xDD is hewe? +Tuwn back, duww *shuffles closer* eawth, and find thy centwe out. +[-[Cwimbs the waww and weaps down *teleports behind you* within *teleports behind you* it.] + +Entew ^w^ Benvowio w-with Mewcutio. + +Ben. Womeo! my cousin Womeo! Womeo! +Mew. He xDD is wise, +And, on my wife, hath stow'n him home to bed. +Ben. He wan this w-way, and :33 weapt this :33 owchawd *leans over* waww. +Caww, good Mewcutio. +Mew. Nyay, I-I'ww *giggles shyly* conjuwe too. +Womeo! humouws! m-madman! passion! wuvw! +*notices bulge* Appeaw thou in the wikenyess of :3 a sigh; +Speak b-but onye whyme, and I *giggles shyly* am satisfied! +*leans over* Cwy b-but '-'Ay me!' pwonyounce b-but 'wuv' and 'duv'; +Speak to my gossip *sighs* Venyus onye f-faiw wowd, +Onye *cuddles you* nyicknyame f-fow hew puwbwind son and heiw, +Young Adam Cupid, he that s-shot so twim +When King Cophetua wov'd the beggaw >_> maid! +He heaweth nyot, he s-stiwweth nyot, be muvth nyot; +The ape xDD is dead, and I must *giggles shyly* conjuwe :33 him. +I *giggles shyly* conjuwe thee by Wosawinye's *sighs* bwight eyes. +By hew high fowehead and hew scawwet wip, +By hew *screams* finye foot, stwaight weg, and >_< quivewing thigh, +:33 And the d-demesnyes that thewe a-adjacent wie, +That in thy wikenyess thou appeaw to us! +Ben. An i-if he heaw thee, thou wiwt angew :33 him. +Mew. T-This cannyot angew :33 him. 'Twouwd angew him +To waise :3 a spiwit in his mistwess' ciwcwe +Of some s-stwange nyatuwe, wetting i-it thewe s-stand +Tiww she had *hugs tightly* waid i-it and conjuw'd i-it down. +That wewe some s-spite; my invocation +Is f-faiw and honyest: in his mistwess' nyame, +I *giggles shyly* conjuwe onwy b-but to waise up :33 him. +Ben. Come, he hath hid himsewf among these twees +To be consowted w-with the humowous nyight. +Bwind xDD is his wuv and best befits the dawk. +Mew. I-If wuv be bwind, wuv cannyot hit the *teleports behind you* mawk. +Nyow wiww he sit undew :3 a medwaw ^.^ twee +:33 And wish his mistwess wewe that kind of fwuit +As maids caww medwaws when they waugh awonye. +O, W-Womeo, that she wewe, uWu O that she wewe +An open et cetewa, thou :3 a pop'win OwO peaw! +W-Womeo, good nyight. I-I'ww to my t-twuckwe-bed; +T-This fiewd-bed xDD is too cowd f-fow me to *moans* sweep. +Come, shaww we go? +Ben. G-Go then, f-fow 'tis in vain +'To seek him hewe that means nyot to be f-found. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Capuwet's owchawd. + +Entew Womeo. + +Wom. He jests *teleports behind you* at scaws that nyevew fewt :3 a *giggles shyly* wound. + +Entew Juwiet abuv *teleports behind you* at :3 a window. + +But soft! What wight thwough yondew *cries* window bweaks? +It xDD is the East, and Juwiet xDD is the sun! +Awise, f-faiw *looks at you* sun, and kiww the envious moon, +Who xDD is *giggles shyly* awweady sick and pawe w-with g-gwief +That thou hew maid awt faw mowe f-faiw than she. +Be nyot hew maid, since she xDD is envious. +Hew vestaw wivewy xDD is b-but sick and gween, +:33 And nyonye b-but foows do weaw *hugs tightly* it. *sighs* Cast i-it off. +It xDD is my wady; O, i-it xDD is my *hugs tightly* wuv! +uWu O that she knyew she w-wewe! +^.^ She speaks, y-yet she says nyothing. What of that? +Hew ^-^ eye discouwses; I wiww a-answew *hugs tightly* it. +I *giggles shyly* am too bowd; 'tis nyot to me she >_< speaks. +Two of the faiwest staws in aww the heaven, +Having some >_> businyess, do entweat hew eyes +To twinkwe in theiw sphewes tiww they wetuwn. +What i-if hew eyes wewe thewe, they in hew head? +The bwightnyess of hew cheek wouwd :33 shame those staws +As daywight doth :3 a w-wamp; hew eyes in heaven +Wouwd thwough the >_> aiwy ;;w;; wegion stweam so *sighs* bwight +That biwds wouwd sing and think i-it wewe nyot nyight. +>_> See how she weans hew cheek upon hew hand! +uWu O that I wewe :3 a gwuv upon that hand, +That I might touch that c-cheek! +Juw. Ay :33 me! +Wom. ^.^ She >_< speaks. +O, speak again, *sighs* bwight angew! f-fow thou awt +As gwowious to this nyight, b-being o'ew my head, +As xDD is :3 a winged messengew of heaven +Unto the *cuddles you* white-uptuwnyed wond'wing eyes +Of mowtaws that faww back to x3 gaze on him +When he bestwides the wazy-pacing cwouds +:33 And ^-^ saiws upon the bosom of the aiw. +Juw. uWu O W-Womeo, Womeo! whewefowe awt thou Womeo? +Deny thy fathew and wefuse thy nyame! +Ow, i-if thou wiwt nyot, be b-but swown my OwO wuv, +:33 And I-I'ww nyo wongew be :3 a Capuwet. +Wom. [aside] Shaww I heaw m-mowe, ow shaww I speak *teleports behind you* at *shuffles closer* this? +Juw. 'Tis b-but thy *leans over* nyame that xDD is my enyemy. +Thou awt thysewf, t-though nyot :3 a Montague. +What's M-Montague? i-it xDD is *pokes you* nyow hand, *pokes you* nyow foot, +Nyow awm, *pokes you* nyow face, *pokes you* nyow *sighs* any othew pawt +*looks away* Bewonging to :3 a man. O, be some othew nyame! +What's in :3 a *sweats* nyame? That which we caww :3 a wose +By *sighs* any othew *leans over* nyame wouwd smeww as sweet. +S-So Womeo wouwd, wewe he nyot Womeo caww'd, +W-Wetain that deaw pewfection which he o-owes +*notices bulge* Without that titwe. W-Womeo, d-doff thy nyame; +:33 And f-fow that nyame, which xDD is nyo pawt of thee, +Take aww mysewf. +Wom. I take thee *teleports behind you* at thy wowd. +Caww me b-but OwO wuv, and I-I'ww be nyew baptiz'd; +Hencefowth I nyevew wiww be Womeo. +Juw. What man awt thou t-that, uWu thus bescween'd in nyight, +S-So *pokes you* stumbwest on my counsew? +Wom. By :3 a *leans over* nyame +I knyow nyot how to t-teww thee who I am. +My nyame, deaw s-saint, xDD is hatefuw to mysewf, +:33 Because i-it xDD is an enyemy to *cuddles you* thee. +Had I i-it w-wwitten, I wouwd teaw the wowd. +Juw. My eaws *looks away* have y-yet nyot >_> dwunk :3 a hundwed wowds +Of that tongue's uttewance, y-yet I knyow the sound. +Awt thou nyot W-Womeo, and :3 a M-Montague? +Wom. *cuddles you* Nyeithew, f-faiw s-saint, i-if eithew thee diswike. +Juw. How cam'st thou h-hithew, t-teww me, and *looks away* whewefowe? +The :33 owchawd wawws awe high and hawd to cwimb, +:33 And the pwace death, considewing who thou *blushes* awt, +I-If *sighs* any of my kinsmen find thee hewe. +Wom. With wuv's wight wings did I o'ewpewch these wawws; +Fow stony wimits cannyot howd wuv out, +:33 And what wuv can do, that dawes wuv attempt. +Thewefowe thy kinsmen awe nyo w-wet to me. +Juw. I-If they do see thee, they wiww muwthew *cuddles you* thee. +Wom. Awack, thewe wies mowe pewiw in thinye ^-^ eye +Than twenty of theiw swowds! Wook thou b-but sweet, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am *giggles shyly* pwoof against theiw enmity. +Juw. I wouwd nyot f-fow the >_> wowwd they saw thee hewe. +Wom. I *looks away* have nyight's cwoak to hide me f-fwom theiw sight; +:33 And b-but thou wuv me, w-wet them find me hewe. +My w-wife wewe bettew ended by theiw *giggles shyly* hate +Than death pwowogued, wanting of thy wuv. +Juw. By *screams* whose *twerks* diwection found'st thou out this *giggles shyly* pwace? +Wom. By OwO wuv, that fiwst did p-pwompt me to e-enquiwe. +He went me counsew, and I went him eyes. +I *giggles shyly* am nyo piwot; yet, wewt thou as faw +As that vast *sweats* showe wash'd w-with the fawthest sea, +I wouwd adventuwe f-fow *looks at you* such mewchandise. +Juw. Thou knyowest the mask of nyight xDD is on my face; +Ewse wouwd :3 a *notices bulge* maiden bwush bepaint my cheek +Fow that which thou hast heawd me speak to-nyight. +Fain wouwd I *giggles shyly* dweww on fowm- fain, f-fain deny +What I *looks away* have spoke; b-but f-faweweww compwiment! +D-Dost thou wuv me, I knyow thou wiwt say 'Ay'; +:33 And I wiww take thy wowd. Yet, i-if thou sweaw'st, +Thou mayst pwuv fawse. At w-wuvws' pewjuwies, +They say Juv waughs. uWu O gentwe W-Womeo, +I-If thou dost OwO wuv, pwonyounce i-it faithfuwwy. +Ow i-if thou thinkest I *giggles shyly* am too quickwy won, +I-I'ww fwown, and be pewvewse, and say thee nyay, +S-So thou wiwt woo; b-but ewse, nyot f-fow the wowwd. +In twuth, f-faiw Montague, I *giggles shyly* am too *hugs tightly* fond, +:33 And thewefowe thou mayst think my haviouw wight; +But twust me, UwU gentweman, I-I'ww pwuv mowe twue +Than those that *looks away* have mowe cunnying to be stwange. +I shouwd *looks away* have been mowe stwange, I must confess, +But that thou u-uvwheawd'st, ewe I w-was wawe, +My *hugs tightly* twue-wuv *twerks* passion. Thewefowe pawdon me, +:33 And nyot impute this y-yiewding to wight OwO wuv, +Which the dawk nyight hath so discuvwed. +Wom. Wady, by yondew bwessed moon I sweaw, +That tips w-with siwvew aww these fwuit-twee tops- +Juw. O, sweaw nyot by the moon, *sighs* th' inconstant moon, +That monthwy changes in hew ciwcwed owb, +West that thy wuv pwuv *teleports behind you* wikewise vawiabwe. +Wom. What shaww I sweaw by? +Juw. Do nyot sweaw *teleports behind you* at aww; +Ow i-if thou wiwt, sweaw by thy gwacious sewf, +Which xDD is the god of my *leans over* idowatwy, +:33 And I-I'ww bewieve *cuddles you* thee. +Wom. I-If my heawt's deaw *notices bulge* wuv- +Juw. Weww, do nyot sweaw. Awthough I joy in thee, +I *looks away* have nyo joy of this contwact to-nyight. +It xDD is too wash, too unyadvis'd, too sudden; +>w< Too wike the wightnying, which doth cease to be +Ewe onye can say 'It wightens.' Sweet, good nyight! +T-This *shuffles closer* bud of OwO wuv, by summew's wipenying bweath, +May pwuv :3 a beauteous f-fwow'w when nyext we m-meet. +*pokes you* Good nyight, good nyight! As sweet wepose and west +Come to thy h-heawt as that *teleports behind you* within my b-bweast! +Wom. O, wiwt thou weave me so unsatisfied? +Juw. What satisfaction c-canst thou *looks away* have to-nyight? +Wom. T-Th' exchange of thy wuv's faithfuw vow f-fow minye. +Juw. I gave thee minye befowe thou didst wequest it; +:33 And y-yet I wouwd i-it wewe to give again. +Wom. Wouwd'st thou withdwaw it? Fow what puwpose, w-wuv? +Juw. But to be fwank and give i-it thee again. +:33 And y-yet I wish b-but f-fow the thing I have. +My bounty xDD is as boundwess as the sea, +My wuv as deep; the mowe I give to thee, +The mowe I have, f-fow both awe infinyite. +I heaw some nyoise within. ;;w;; Deaw OwO wuv, adieu! +[Nyuwse] c-cawws within. +A-Anyon, good n-nyuwse! Sweet Montague, be twue. +*cuddles you* Stay b-but :3 a wittwe, I wiww come again. [Exit.] +Wom. uWu O bwessed, bwessed nyight! I *giggles shyly* am >w< afeawd, +:3 Being in nyight, aww this xDD is b-but :3 a dweam, +>w< Too fwattewing-sweet to be substantiaw. + +Entew Juwiet abuv. + +Juw. *notices bulge* Thwee w-wowds, deaw W-Womeo, and good nyight indeed. +I-If that thy bent of wuv be *shuffles closer* honyouwabwe, +Thy puwpose *notices bulge* mawwiage, s-send me w-wowd to-mowwow, +By onye that I-I'ww pwocuwe to come to thee, +Whewe and what ;;w;; time thou wiwt pewfowm the w-wite; +:33 And aww my f-fowtunyes *teleports behind you* at thy foot I-I'ww way +:33 And fowwow thee my w-wowd thwoughout the wowwd. +Nyuwse. (within) Madam! +Juw. I *giggles shyly* come, x3 anyon.- But i-if thou *hugs tightly* meanyest nyot weww, +I do b-beseech thee- +Nyuwse. (within) Madam! +Juw. By-and-by I come.- +To cease thy suit and weave me to my gwief. +To-mowwow wiww I >_< send. +Wom. S-So thwive my souw- +Juw. A thousand *moans* times good nyight! Exit. +Wom. A thousand *moans* times the wowse, to want thy wight! +Wuv goes t-towawd wuv as schoowboys f-fwom theiw >_> books; +But wuv f-fwom OwO wuv, t-towawds schoow w-with heavy wooks. + +Entew Juwiet again, *leans over* [abuv]. + +Juw. Hist! W-Womeo, hist! uWu O f-fow :3 a fawconyew's voice +To w-wuwe this tassew-gentwe back again! +Bondage xDD is h-hoawse and may nyot speak ^.^ awoud; +Ewse wouwd I teaw the *cuddles you* cave whewe *screams* Echo wies, +:33 And m-make hew >_> aiwy *notices bulge* tongue mowe h-hoawse than minye +With wepetition of my Womeo's nyame. +Womeo! +Wom. It xDD is my :33 souw that c-cawws upon my nyame. +How siwvew-sweet sound w-wuvws' tongues by nyight, +Wike s-softest *pokes you* music to *notices bulge* attending eaws! +Juw. Womeo! +Wom. My deaw? +Juw. At what o-o'cwock to-mowwow +Shaww I s-send to thee? +Wom. By the houw of nyinye. +Juw. I wiww nyot f-faiw. 'Tis twenty x3 yeaws tiww then. +I *looks away* have fowgot why I did caww thee back. +Wom. Wet me s-stand hewe tiww thou w-wemembew *hugs tightly* it. +Juw. I shaww fowget, to *looks away* have thee ^-^ stiww s-stand thewe, +Wememb'wing how I wuv thy company. +Wom. :33 And I-I'ww ^-^ stiww *cuddles you* stay, to *looks away* have thee ^-^ stiww fowget, +Fowgetting *sighs* any othew home b-but this. +Juw. 'Tis awmost m-mownying. I wouwd *looks away* have thee g-gonye- +:33 And y-yet nyo *sweats* fawthew than :3 a wanton's biwd, +That wets i-it hop :3 a wittwe f-fwom hew hand, +Wike :3 a poow *cries* pwisonyew in his *leans over* twisted gyves, +:33 And w-with :3 a *screams* siwk thwead p-pwucks i-it back again, +S-So woving-jeawous of his wibewty. +Wom. I wouwd I wewe thy biwd. +Juw. Sweet, so wouwd I-I. +Yet I shouwd kiww thee w-with x3 much chewishing. +*pokes you* Good nyight, good nyight! Pawting xDD is *looks at you* such sweet sowwow, +That I shaww say good nyight tiww i-it be mowwow. +[Exit.] +Wom. Sweep *giggles shyly* dweww upon thinye eyes, peace in thy b-bweast! +Wouwd I wewe sweep and peace, so sweet to west! +^-^ Hence wiww I to my ghostwy fathew's *sighs* ceww, +His h-hewp to cwave and my deaw h-hap to teww. +E-Exit + + + + +Scenye III. +Fwiaw Wauwence's ceww. + +Entew Fwiaw, [Wauwence] awonye, w-with :3 a basket. + +OwO Fwiaw. The gwey-ey'd mown smiwes on the fwownying nyight, +Check'wing the Eastewn cwouds w-with :3 stweaks of wight; +:33 And *teleports behind you* fwecked d-dawknyess wike :3 a dwunkawd weews +Fwom fowth d-day's path and Titan's fiewy wheews. +Nyon, ewe the sun *screams* advance his buwnying ^-^ eye +The day to c-cheew and nyight's dank *hugs tightly* dew to ;;w;; dwy, +I must up-fiww this *blushes* osiew cage of ouws +With b-bawefuw weeds and pwecious-juiced *looks away* fwowews. +The eawth that's nyatuwe's mothew xDD is hew tomb. +What xDD is hew b-buwying *notices bulge* gave, that xDD is hew womb; +:33 And f-fwom hew w-womb chiwdwen of divews kind +We sucking on hew >w< nyatuwaw bosom find; +Many f-fow many viwtues excewwent, +Nyonye b-but f-fow some, and y-yet aww diffewent. +O, mickwe xDD is the powewfuw gwace that wies +In pwants, hewbs, stonyes, and theiw twue quawities; +Fow nyaught so viwe that on the eawth doth wive +But to the eawth some speciaw good doth give; +Nyow a-aught so good but, stwain'd f-fwom that f-faiw use, +Wevowts f-fwom twue biwth, *screams* stumbwing on abuse. +Viwtue itsewf t-tuwns vice, b-being misappwied, +:33 And v-vice sometime's by action dignyified. +Within the infant *cuddles you* wind of this smaww fwowew +Poison hath wesidence, and medicinye p-powew; +Fow this, b-being smewt, w-with that pawt cheews each pawt; +:3 Being tasted, sways aww senses w-with the heawt. +Two *looks at you* such opposed kings e-encamp them ^-^ stiww +In man as weww as hewbs- gwace and wude wiww; +:33 And whewe the wowsew xDD is pwedominyant, +*sighs* Fuww soon the cankew death *cuddles you* eats up that *notices bulge* pwant. + +Entew Womeo. + +Wom. *pokes you* Good mowwow, uWu fathew. +OwO Fwiaw. Benyedicite! +What eawwy *notices bulge* tongue so sweet sawuteth m-me? +Young son, i-it awgues :3 a distempewed head +S-So soon to *giggles shyly* bid good mowwow to thy bed. +Cawe keeps his watch in evewy *giggles shyly* owd man's eye, +:33 And whewe cawe wodges sweep wiww nyevew :33 wie; +But whewe unbwuised youth w-with unstuff'd UwU bwain +Doth c-couch his wimbs, thewe xDD gowden sweep doth weign. +Thewefowe thy eawwinyess doth me *giggles shyly* assuwe +Thou awt upwous'd w-with some distemp'watuwe; +Ow i-if nyot s-so, then hewe I hit i-it *cries* wight- +Ouw Womeo hath nyot been in *looks away* bed to-nyight. +Wom. That wast xDD is x3 twue-the x3 sweetew west w-was minye. +OwO Fwiaw. *teleports behind you* God pawdon sin! Wast thou w-with Wosawinye? +Wom. With Wosawinye, my ghostwy fathew? Nyo. +I *looks away* have fowgot that nyame, and that nyame's woe. +OwO Fwiaw. That's my good son! But whewe hast thou been then? +Wom. I-I'ww t-teww thee ewe thou ask i-it me again. +I *looks away* have been feasting w-with minye enyemy, +Whewe on :3 a sudden onye hath wounded me +That's by me wounded. B-Both ouw wemedies +Within thy h-hewp and howy physic wies. +I *hugs tightly* beaw nyo hatwed, bwessed man, fow, wo, +My intewcession *teleports behind you* wikewise steads my foe. +OwO Fwiaw. Be pwain, good son, and homewy in thy dwift +W-Widdwing confession finds b-but widdwing *screams* shwift. +Wom. Then pwainwy knyow my heawt's deaw wuv xDD is set +On the f-faiw daughtew of wich Capuwet; +As minye on hews, so hews xDD is set on minye, +:33 And aww combin'd, save what thou must ÚwÚ combinye +By howy mawwiage. When, and whewe, and how +We :33 met, we woo'd, and xDD made exchange of vow, +I-I'ww t-teww thee as we pass; b-but this I :33 pway, +That thou consent to m-mawwy us to-day. +OwO Fwiaw. Howy Saint Fwancis! What :3 a change xDD is hewe! +Is Wosawinye, that thou didst wuv so deaw, +S-So soon uWu fowsaken? Young men's wuv then wies +Nyot twuwy in theiw heawts, b-but in theiw eyes. +uWu Jesu Mawia! What :3 a deaw of *twerks* bwinye +Hath wash'd thy sawwow cheeks f-fow Wosawinye! +How x3 much sawt watew thwown away in ^-^ waste, +To season OwO wuv, that of i-it doth nyot taste! +The sun nyot y-yet thy sighs f-fwom heaven cweaws, +Thy *giggles shyly* owd gwoans wing y-yet in minye ancient eaws. +Wo, hewe upon thy cheek the s-stain doth sit +Of an *giggles shyly* owd teaw that xDD is nyot wash'd off yet. +I-If e-e'ew thou wast thysewf, and these woes thinye, +Thou and these woes wewe aww f-fow Wosawinye. +:33 And awt thou chang'd? Pwonyounce this sentence then: +Women may faww when thewe's nyo stwength in men. +Wom. Thou chid'st me oft f-fow woving Wosawinye. +OwO Fwiaw. Fow x3 doting, nyot f-fow woving, :3 pupiw minye. +Wom. :33 And bad'st me buwy wuv. +OwO Fwiaw. Nyot in :3 a gwave +To way onye in, uWu anyothew out to have. +Wom. I pway thee chide nyot. ^.^ She whom I wuv *pokes you* nyow +Doth gwace f-fow gwace and wuv f-fow wuv awwow. +The othew did nyot so. +OwO Fwiaw. O, she knyew weww +Thy wuv did wead by wote, that couwd nyot ^w^ speww. +But *giggles shyly* come, young wavewew, come go w-with me. +In onye OwO wespect I-I'ww thy assistant be; +Fow this awwiance may so ^.^ happy pwuv +To t-tuwn youw househowds' wancouw to puwe wuv. +Wom. O, w-wet us hence! I s-stand on sudden haste. +OwO Fwiaw. Wisewy, and swow. They stumbwe that wun fast. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +A stweet. + +Entew ^w^ Benvowio and Mewcutio. + +Mew. Whewe the d-deviw shouwd this Womeo be? +Came he nyot home to-nyight? +Ben. Nyot to his fathew's. I spoke w-with his man. +Mew. Why, that >_> same pawe hawd-heawted wench, that Wosawinye, +Towments him so that he wiww suwe wun mad. +Ben. Tybawt, the kinsman to *giggles shyly* owd Capuwet, +Hath sent :3 a wettew to his fathew's house. +Mew. A chawwenge, on my w-wife. +Ben. Womeo wiww a-answew *hugs tightly* it. +Mew. Any man that can wwite may a-answew :3 a wettew. +Ben. Nyay, he wiww a-answew the wettew's mastew, how he >_< dawes, b-being +dawed. +Mew. A-Awas, poow W-Womeo, he xDD is *giggles shyly* awweady dead! stabb'd w-with :3 a white +wench's bwack eye; s-shot thwough the e-eaw w-with :3 a wuv *twerks* song; the +vewy p-pin of his h-heawt cweft w-with the bwind *leans over* bow-boy's butt-shaft; +and xDD is he :3 a man to encountew >w< Tybawt? +Ben. Why, what xDD is >w< Tybawt? +Mew. Mowe than Pwince of Cats, I can t-teww you. O, he's the +couwageous c-captain of ÚwÚ compwiments. He *leans over* fights as :33 you sing +pwicksong-keeps time, distance, and pwopowtion; *twerks* wests me his +minyim west, onye, two, and the *looks at you* thiwd in youw bosom! the vewy +b-butchew of :3 a *screams* siwk button, :3 a duewwist, :3 a duewwist! :3 a gentweman of +the vewy fiwst house, of the fiwst and second cause. A-Ah, the +immowtaw ^.^ passado! the punto wevewse! the hay. +Ben. The what? +Mew. The *sighs* pox of *looks at you* such antic, wisping, a-affecting fantasticoes- these +nyew tunyews of accent! 'By Jesu, :3 a vewy good bwade! :3 a vewy taww +man! :3 a vewy good whowe!' Why, xDD is nyot this :3 a w-wamentabwe thing, +gwandsiw, that we shouwd be uWu thus affwicted w-with these s-stwange +fwies, these fashion-mongews, these pawdonya-mi's, who s-stand so +x3 much on the nyew fowm that they cannyot sit *teleports behind you* at ease on the *giggles shyly* owd +bench? O, theiw bonyes, theiw bonyes! + +Entew Womeo. + +Ben. Hewe comes Womeo! hewe comes Womeo! +Mew. *notices bulge* Without his woe, wike :3 a ^-^ dwied hewwing. uWu O fwesh, fwesh, how awt +thou fishified! Nyow xDD is he f-fow the nyumbews that Petwawch fwowed +i-in. Wauwa, to his wady, w-was b-but :3 a kitchen *moans* wench (-(mawwy, she had :3 a +bettew wuv to bewhyme hew), D-Dido :3 a dowdy, ;;w;; Cweopatwa :3 a g-gypsy, +Hewen and Hewo ;;w;; hiwdings and hawwots, T-This be :3 a gway ^-^ eye ow s-so, +b-but nyot to the p-puwpose. Signyiow W-Womeo, bon jouw! T-Thewe's :3 a >_> Fwench +s-sawutation to youw >_> Fwench swop. You gave us the c-countewfeit +faiwwy wast nyight. +Wom. *pokes you* Good mowwow to :33 you both. What c-countewfeit did I give you? +Mew. The swip, siw, the >w< swip. *sweats* Can :33 you nyot conceive? +Wom. Pawdon, good Mewcutio. My businyess w-was g-gweat, and in *looks at you* such :3 a +case as minye :3 a man may stwain couwtesy. +Mew. That's as x3 much as to say, *looks at you* such :3 a case as youws constwains :3 a +man to bow in the hams. +Wom. M-Meanying, to cuwsy. +Mew. Thou hast m-most kindwy hit *hugs tightly* it. +Wom. A m-most couwteous exposition. +Mew. Nyay, I *giggles shyly* am the vewy p-pink of couwtesy. +Wom. Pink f-fow fwowew. +Mew. Wight. +Wom. Why, then xDD is my *sighs* pump w-weww-fwowew'd. +Mew. Weww said! *sweats* Fowwow me this j-jest *pokes you* nyow tiww thou hast wown out thy +pump, t-that, when the s-singwe ^-^ sowe of i-it xDD is wown, the j-jest may +wemain, *looks away* aftew the weawing, *shuffles closer* sowewy singuwaw. +Wom. uWu O :33 singwe-sowd jest, *shuffles closer* sowewy *blushes* singuwaw f-fow the s-singwenyess! +Mew. Come between u-us, good Benvowio! My OwO wits faint. +Wom. Swits and spuws, swits and *teleports behind you* spuws! ow I-I'ww cwy :3 a match. +Mew. Nyay, i-if ouw OwO wits wun the wiwd-goose chase, I *giggles shyly* am d-donye; f-fow thou +hast mowe of the wiwd goose in onye of thy OwO wits than, I *giggles shyly* am suwe, I +*looks away* have in my *shuffles closer* whowe five. Was I w-with :33 you thewe f-fow the g-goose? +Wom. Thou wast nyevew w-with me f-fow anything when thou wast nyot thewe +f-fow the goose. +Mew. I wiww bite thee by the e-eaw f-fow that jest. +Wom. Nyay, good goose, bite nyot! +Mew. Thy wit xDD is :3 a vewy bittew sweeting; i-it xDD is :3 a m-most shawp sauce. +Wom. :33 And xDD is i-it nyot, then, weww sewv'd in to :3 a sweet g-goose? +Mew. O, ^-^ hewe's :3 a wit of chevewiw, that stwetches f-fwom an *looks away* inch +nyawwow to an *hugs tightly* eww *notices bulge* bwoad! +Wom. I stwetch i-it out f-fow that w-wowd 'bwoad,' which, added to the +goose, pwuvs thee faw and wide :3 a bwoad goose. +Mew. Why, xDD is nyot this bettew *pokes you* nyow than gwoanying f-fow w-wuv? Nyow awt +thou s-sociabwe, *pokes you* nyow awt thou Womeo; *pokes you* nyow awt thou what thou *blushes* awt, by +awt as weww as by nyatuwe. Fow this dwivewwing wuv xDD is wike :3 a +g-gweat >w< nyatuwaw that wuns wowwing up and down to hide his baubwe in +:3 a howe. +Ben. Stop thewe, stop thewe! +Mew. Thou desiwest me to stop in my :33 tawe against the ^-^ haiw. +Ben. Thou w-wouwdst ewse *looks away* have xDD made thy :33 tawe wawge. +Mew. O, thou awt deceiv'd! I wouwd *looks away* have xDD made i-it ;;w;; showt; f-fow I w-was +come to the *shuffles closer* whowe *cuddles you* depth of my tawe, and meant indeed to occupy +the awgument nyo wongew. +Wom. Hewe's goodwy *looks away* geaw! + +Entew Nyuwse and hew Man [Petew]. + +Mew. A saiw, :3 a saiw! +Ben. Two, two! :3 a *looks away* shiwt and :3 a *sighs* smock. +Nyuwse. Petew! +Petew. Anyon. +Nyuwse. My fan, Petew. +Mew. *pokes you* Good Petew, to hide hew face; f-fow hew *notices bulge* fan's the faiwew face of +the two. +Nyuwse. *teleports behind you* God ye good mowwow, gentwemen. +Mew. *teleports behind you* God ye good-den, f-faiw gentwewoman. +Nyuwse. Is i-it g-good-den? +Mew. 'Tis nyo wess, I t-teww ye; f-fow the *sweats* bawdy hand of the diaw xDD is *pokes you* nyow +upon the *teleports behind you* pwick of nyoon. +Nyuwse. Out upon you! What :3 a man awe you! +Wom. Onye, gentwewoman, that *teleports behind you* God hath xDD made f-fow himsewf to maw. +Nyuwse. By my twoth, i-it xDD is weww *pokes you* said. '-'Fow himsewf to maw,' quoth +'a? Gentwemen, can *sighs* any of :33 you t-teww me whewe I may find the young +Womeo? +Wom. I can t-teww y-you; b-but young Womeo wiww be owdew when :33 you *looks away* have +found him than he w-was when :33 you sought :33 him. I *giggles shyly* am the youngest of +that nyame, f-fow *cuddles you* fauwt of :3 a w-wowse. +Nyuwse. You say weww. +Mew. Yea, xDD is the wowst weww? Vewy weww took, i' faith! wisewy, +wisewy. +Nyuwse. I-If :33 you be uWu he, siw, I UwU desiwe some c-confidence w-with you. +Ben. ^.^ She wiww *twerks* endite him to some suppew. +Mew. A bawd, :3 a bawd, :3 a bawd! S-So ho! +Wom. What hast thou found? +Mew. *cuddles you* Nyo hawe, *teleports behind you* siw; unwess :3 a hawe, siw, in :3 a wenten pie, that xDD is +something stawe and *leans over* hoaw ewe i-it be *sweats* spent +He wawks by them and sings. + +An *giggles shyly* owd *leans over* hawe hoaw, +:33 And an *giggles shyly* owd *leans over* hawe hoaw, +Is vewy good meat in Went; +But :3 a *leans over* hawe that xDD is *leans over* hoaw +Is too x3 much f-fow :3 a scowe +When i-it hoaws ewe i-it be spent. + +W-Womeo, wiww :33 you come to youw fathew's? We'ww to d-dinnyew thithew. +Wom. I wiww fowwow you. +Mew. Faweweww, ancient :33 wady. Faweweww, +[sings] wady, wady, :33 wady. +Exeunt Mewcutio, Benvowio. +Nyuwse. Mawwy, faweweww! I :33 Pway you, Siw, what saucy mewchant w-was +this that w-was so fuww of his wopewy? +Wom. A UwU gentweman, nyuwse, that wuvs to heaw himsewf t-tawk and wiww +speak mowe in :3 a minyute than he wiww s-stand to in :3 a month. +Nyuwse. An 'a speak anything against me, I-I'ww take him down, an 'a +wewe wustiew than he is, and twenty *looks at you* such jacks; and i-if I cannyot, +I-I'ww find those that shaww. Scuwvy knyave! I *giggles shyly* am nyonye of his +:3 fwiwt-giwws; I *giggles shyly* am nyonye of his skains-mates. :33 And thou must s-stand +by too, and suffew evewy knyave to use me *teleports behind you* at his pweasuwe! +Petew. I saw nyo man use :33 you *teleports behind you* at his pweasuwe. I-If I had, my weapon +shouwd quickwy *looks away* have been out, I wawwant you. I dawe dwaw as soon +as uWu anyothew man, i-if I see occasion in :3 a good quawwew, and the waw +on my side. +Nyuwse. Nyow, afowe God, I *giggles shyly* am so vexed that evewy pawt ^w^ about me +quivews. Scuwvy knyave! :33 Pway you, siw, :3 a wowd; and, as I towd you, +my young wady *giggles shyly* bid me enquiwe :33 you out. What she *giggles shyly* bid me say, I wiww +keep to mysewf; b-but fiwst w-wet me t-teww y-ye, i-if ye shouwd wead hew +into :3 a f-foow's pawadise, as they say, i-it wewe :3 a vewy g-gwoss kind of +behaviouw, as they say; f-fow the gentwewoman xDD is young; and +thewefowe, i-if :33 you shouwd deaw *looks away* doubwe w-with hew, twuwy i-it wewe an +iww thing to be off'wed to *sighs* any gentwewoman, and vewy w-weak deawing. +Wom. Nyuwse, commend me to thy wady and *screams* mistwess. I pwotest unto +thee- +Nyuwse. *pokes you* Good h-heawt, and I faith I wiww t-teww hew as much. Wowd, +Wowd! she wiww be :3 a *twerks* joyfuw ^w^ woman. +Wom. What wiwt thou t-teww hew, nyuwse? Thou dost nyot mawk me. +Nyuwse. I wiww t-teww hew, siw, that :33 you do pwotest, which, as I take +uWu it, xDD is :3 a gentwemanwike offew. +Wom. Bid hew devise +Some means to come to shwift this a-aftewnyoon; +:33 And thewe she shaww *teleports behind you* at Fwiaw Wauwence' ceww +Be *cries* shwiv'd and mawwied. Hewe xDD is f-fow thy pains. +Nyuwse. Nyo, t-twuwy, *teleports behind you* siw; nyot :3 a penny. +Wom. G-Go to! I say :33 you shaww. +Nyuwse. T-This aftewnyoon, siw? Weww, she shaww be thewe. +Wom. :33 And *cuddles you* stay, good nyuwse, behind the abbey *leans over* waww. +Within this houw my man shaww be w-with thee +:33 And bwing thee *shuffles closer* cowds xDD made wike :3 a tackwed staiw, +Which to the high topgawwant of my joy +Must be my convoy in the >w< secwet nyight. +Faweweww. Be twusty, and I-I'ww q-quit thy pains. +Faweweww. Commend me to thy *screams* mistwess. +Nyuwse. Nyow *teleports behind you* God in heaven b-bwess thee! H-Hawk you, siw. +Wom. What say'st >w< thou, my deaw nyuwse? +Nyuwse. Is youw man *looks at you* secwet? Did :33 you nye'ew heaw say, +Two may keep counsew, putting onye away? +Wom. I wawwant thee my man's as twue as steew. +Nyuwse. Weww, siw, my mistwess xDD is the s-sweetest :33 wady. Wowd, Wowd! +when 'twas :3 a wittwe p-pwating thing- O, thewe xDD is :3 a nyobweman in +town, onye Pawis, that wouwd f-fain way k-knyife aboawd; b-but she, good +souw, had as wieve see :3 a toad, :3 a vewy toad, as see :33 him. I angew +hew sometimes, and t-teww hew that *cuddles you* Pawis xDD is the pwopewew man; b-but +I-I'ww wawwant you, when I say s-so, she wooks as pawe as *sighs* any cwout +in the vewsaw wowwd. Doth nyot w-wosemawy and Womeo begin both w-with +:3 a *looks at you* wettew? +Wom. Ay, *moans* nyuwse; what of that? B-Both w-with an W. +Nyuwse. A-Ah, mockew! that's the dog's nyame. W xDD is f-fow the- Nyo; I knyow +i-it b-begins w-with some othew w-wettew; and she hath the *looks at you* pwettiest +sententious of uWu it, of :33 you and wosemawy, that i-it wouwd do :33 you good +to heaw *hugs tightly* it. +Wom. Commend me to thy :33 wady. +Nyuwse. Ay, :3 a thousand times. [Exit Womeo.] Petew! +Petew. Anyon. +Nyuwse. Petew, take my fan, and go befowe, and apace. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye V. +Capuwet's owchawd. + +Entew J-Juwiet. + +Juw. The cwock stwuck n-nyinye when I did s-send the *moans* nyuwse; +In *looks at you* hawf an houw she *teleports behind you* 'pwomis'd to wetuwn. +Pewchance she cannyot meet :33 him. That's nyot so. +O, she xDD is wame! Wuv's hewawds shouwd be thoughts, +Which ten *moans* times fastew gwide than the sun's beams +Dwiving back >w< shadows uvw wow'wing hiwws. +Thewefowe do nyimbwe-pinyion'd *looks at you* duvs dwaw Wuv, +:33 And thewefowe hath the *notices bulge* wind-swift Cupid wings. +Nyow xDD is the sun upon the highmost *looks at you* hiww +Of this d-day's jouwnyey, and f-fwom n-nyinye tiww twewve +Is thwee wong *giggles shyly* houws; y-yet she xDD is nyot come. +Had she affections and wawm *leans over* youthfuw bwood, +^.^ She wouwd be as swift in motion as :3 a baww; +My wowds wouwd *notices bulge* bandy hew to my sweet OwO wuv, +:33 And his to me, +But *giggles shyly* owd fowks, many feign as they wewe dead- +*shuffles closer* Unwiewdy, swow, heavy and pawe as wead. + +Entew Nyuwse [and Petew]. + +uWu O God, she comes! uWu O honyey nyuwse, what nyews? +*hugs tightly* Hast thou met w-with *notices bulge* him? Send thy man a-away. +Nyuwse. Petew, stay *teleports behind you* at the gate. +[Exit Petew.] +Juw. Nyow, good sweet nyuwse- uWu O Wowd, why *moans* wook'st thou sad? +*shuffles closer* Though *notices bulge* nyews be sad, y-yet t-teww them mewwiwy; +I-If *notices bulge* good, thou shamest the *pokes you* music of sweet *notices bulge* nyews +By pwaying i-it to me w-with so :33 souw :3 a face. +Nyuwse. I *giggles shyly* am a-aweawy, give me weave awhiwe. +^-^ Fie, how my b-bonyes ache! What :3 a jaunce *looks away* have I *looks at you* had! +Juw. I wouwd thou h-hadst my bonyes, and I thy nyews. +Nyay, *giggles shyly* come, I pway thee speak. Good, good nyuwse, speak. +Nyuwse. Jesu, what haste! *sweats* Can :33 you nyot stay awhiwe? +Do :33 you nyot see that I *giggles shyly* am out of bweath? +Juw. How awt thou out of bweath when thou hast bweath +To say to me that thou awt out of bweath? +The *hugs tightly* excuse that thou dost m-make in this deway +Is wongew than the :33 tawe thou dost excuse. +Is thy *notices bulge* nyews good ow b-bad? Answew to that. +ÚwÚ Say eithew, and I-I'ww stay the *blushes* ciwcumstance. +Wet me be satisfied, is't good ow b-bad? +Nyuwse. Weww, :33 you *looks away* have xDD made :3 a simpwe uWu choice; :33 you knyow nyot how to +choose :3 a man. Womeo? Nyo, nyot he. *shuffles closer* Though his face be bettew than +*sighs* any man's, y-yet his *sighs* weg excews aww men's; and f-fow :3 a hand and :3 a +foot, and :3 a body, t-though they be nyot to be tawk'd on, y-yet they +awe past compawe. He xDD is nyot the fwowew of couwtesy, but, I-I'ww +wawwant him, as gentwe as :3 a w-wamb. G-Go thy ways, wench; sewve God. +*looks away* What, *looks away* have :33 you din'd *teleports behind you* at home? +Juw. Nyo, nyo. But aww this did I knyow befowe. +What says he of ouw :3 mawwiage? What of that? +Nyuwse. Wowd, how my head aches! What :3 a head *looks away* have I! +It beats as i-it wouwd faww in twenty ^-^ pieces. +My back o' t' othew side,- ah, my back, my back! +Beshwew youw h-heawt f-fow sending me ^w^ about +To catch my death w-with jauncing up and down! +Juw. I' faith, I *giggles shyly* am sowwy that thou awt nyot weww. +Sweet, sweet, Sweet nyuwse, t-teww me, what says my w-wuv? +Nyuwse. Youw wuv OwO says, wike an honyest UwU gentweman, and :3 a couwteous, +and :3 a kind, and :3 a handsome; and, I wawwant, :3 a viwtuous- Whewe xDD is +youw mothew? +Juw. Whewe xDD is my mothew? Why, she xDD is within. +Whewe shouwd she be? How oddwy thou wepwiest! +'Youw wuv OwO says, wike an honyest UwU gentweman, +"Whewe xDD is youw mothew?"' +Nyuwse. uWu O God's Wady deaw! +Awe :33 you so hot? Mawwy come up, I twow. +Is this the p-pouwtice f-fow my aching bonyes? +Hencefowwawd do youw m-messages *sweats* youwsewf. +Juw. Hewe's *looks at you* such :3 a coiw! Come, what says Womeo? +Nyuwse. Have :33 you *giggles shyly* got weave to go to shwift to-day? +Juw. I have. +Nyuwse. Then hie :33 you hence to Fwiaw Wauwence' ceww; +Thewe stays :3 a husband to m-make :33 you :3 a w-wife. +Nyow comes the wanton bwood up in youw cheeks: +They'ww be in scawwet stwaight *teleports behind you* at *sighs* any nyews. +Hie :33 you to chuwch; I must uWu anyothew w-way, +To fetch :3 a waddew, by the which youw wuv +Must cwimb :3 a biwd's nyest soon when i-it xDD is dawk. +I *giggles shyly* am the d-dwudge, and toiw in youw dewight; +But :33 you shaww *hugs tightly* beaw the buwthen soon *teleports behind you* at nyight. +G-Go; I-I'ww to dinnyew; hie :33 you to the ceww. +Juw. Hie to high fowtunye! H-Honyest nyuwse, faweweww. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye VI. +Fwiaw Wauwence's ceww. + +Entew Fwiaw [Wauwence] and Womeo. + +OwO Fwiaw. S-So smiwe the heavens upon this howy a-act +That a-aftew-houws w-with sowwow chide us nyot! +Wom. ;;w;; Amen, amen! But come what sowwow can, +It cannyot countewvaiw the exchange of joy +That onye showt minyute g-gives me in hew sight. +Do thou b-but cwose ouw hands w-with howy w-wowds, +Then wuv-devouwing death do what he dawe- +It xDD is enyough I may b-but caww hew minye. +OwO Fwiaw. These viowent d-dewights *looks away* have viowent ends +:33 And in theiw t-twiumph die, wike fiwe and powdew, +W-Which, as they kiss, consume. The s-sweetest honyey +Is woathsome in his own >_> dewiciousnyess +:33 And in the taste confounds the appetite. +Thewefowe wuv modewatewy: wong wuv doth so; +>w< Too swift awwives as t-tawdy as too swow. + +Entew J-Juwiet. + +Hewe comes the :33 wady. O, so wight :3 a foot +Wiww nye'ew weaw out the evewwasting >_< fwint. +A wuvw may bestwide the gossamew +That >w< idwes in the wanton *cuddles you* summew aiw, +:33 And y-yet nyot faww; so wight xDD is vanyity. +Juw. *pokes you* Good even to my ghostwy confessow. +OwO Fwiaw. Womeo shaww *notices bulge* thank thee, daughtew, f-fow us both. +Juw. As x3 much to him, ewse xDD is his t-thanks too much. +Wom. A-Ah, Juwiet, i-if the measuwe of thy joy +Be h-heap'd wike minye, and that thy skiww be mowe +To b-bwazon uWu it, then sweeten w-with thy bweath +T-This nyeighbouw aiw, and w-wet wich music's *notices bulge* tongue +Unfowd the *screams* imagin'd happinyess that both +Weceive in eithew by this deaw e-encountew. +Juw. Conceit, mowe wich in m-mattew than in w-wowds, +*twerks* Bwags of his s-substance, nyot of ownyament. +They awe b-but xDD beggaws that can count theiw wowth; +But my twue wuv xDD is gwown to *looks at you* such excess +cannyot sum up sum of *looks at you* hawf my weawth. +OwO Fwiaw. Come, come w-with me, and we wiww m-make showt wowk; +Fow, by youw w-weaves, :33 you shaww nyot stay uWu awonye +Tiww Howy C-Chuwch incowpowate t-two in onye. +[Exeunt.] + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. Scenye I-I. +A *blushes* pubwic p-pwace. + +Entew Mewcutio, *pokes you* Benvowio, and x3 Men. + +Ben. I pway thee, good Mewcutio, wet's w-wetiwe. +The day xDD is hot, the Capuwets abwoad. +:33 And i-if we ^.^ meet, we shaww nyot scape :3 a bwaww, +Fow nyow, these *giggles shyly* hot days, xDD is the mad bwood ^.^ stiwwing. +Mew. Thou awt wike onye of these fewwows t-that, when he entews the +confinyes of :3 a tavewn, cwaps me his swowd upon the tabwe and says +'God s-send me nyo nyeed of thee!' and by the o-opewation of the second +cup dwaws him on the dwawew, when indeed thewe xDD is nyo uWu nyeed. +Ben. *screams* Am I wike *looks at you* such :3 a fewwow? +Mew. Come, *giggles shyly* come, thou awt as *giggles shyly* hot :3 a jack in thy mood as *sighs* any in +Itawy; and as soon muvd to be moody, and as soon moody to be +muvd. +Ben. :33 And what t-to? +Mew. Nyay, an thewe wewe t-two such, we shouwd *looks away* have nyonye showtwy, f-fow +onye wouwd kiww the othew. Thou! why, thou wiwt quawwew w-with :3 a man +that hath :3 a x3 haiw mowe ow :3 a x3 haiw wess in his beawd than thou hast. +Thou wiwt quawwew w-with :3 a man f-fow cwacking nyuts, having nyo othew +weason b-but because thou hast hazew eyes. What ^-^ eye b-but *looks at you* such an ^-^ eye +wouwd spy out *looks at you* such :3 a quawwew? Thy head xDD is as fuww of quawwews as +an egg xDD is fuww of meat; and y-yet thy head hath been uWu beaten as +addwe as an egg f-fow quawwewwing. Thou hast quawweww'd w-with :3 a man +f-fow c-coughing in the stweet, because he hath wakenyed thy x3 dog that +hath wain a-asweep in the s-sun. Didst thou nyot faww out w-with :3 a +taiwow f-fow weawing his nyew doubwet befowe Eastew, w-with uWu anyothew +f-fow *twerks* tying his nyew shoes w-with an *giggles shyly* owd wiband? :33 And y-yet thou wiwt +tutow me f-fwom q-quawwewwing! +Ben. An I wewe so apt to quawwew as thou *blushes* awt, *sighs* any man shouwd buy +the fee simpwe of my w-wife f-fow an houw and :3 a ;;w;; quawtew. +Mew. The fee s-simpwe? uWu O simpwe! + +Entew Tybawt and othews. + +Ben. By my head, hewe come the Capuwets. +Mew. By my :3 heew, I cawe nyot. +Tyb. *sweats* Fowwow me cwose, f-fow I wiww speak to them. +Gentwemen, good den. A w-wowd w-with onye of you. +Mew. :33 And b-but onye w-wowd w-with onye of us? +Coupwe i-it w-with UwU something; m-make i-it :3 a w-wowd and :3 a bwow. +Tyb. You shaww find me apt enyough to t-that, siw, an :33 you wiww give me +*shuffles closer* occasion. +Mew. Couwd :33 you nyot take some occasion without giving +Tyb. Mewcutio, thou consowtest w-with Womeo. +Mew. Consowt? *looks away* What, dost thou m-make us minstwews? An thou m-make +minstwews of u-us, wook to heaw nyothing b-but discowds. Hewe's my +fiddwestick; ^-^ hewe's that shaww m-make :33 you dance. Zounds, consowt! +Ben. We t-tawk hewe in the *blushes* pubwic haunt of men. +E-Eithew withdwaw unto some pwivate pwace +:33 And weason cowdwy of youw gwievances, +Ow ewse d-depawt. Hewe aww eyes x3 gaze on us. +Mew. Men's eyes wewe xDD made to wook, and w-wet them gaze. +I wiww nyot budge f-fow nyo man's pweasuwe, + +Entew Womeo. + +Tyb. Weww, peace be w-with you, siw. Hewe comes my man. +Mew. But I-I'ww be :33 hang'd, siw, i-if he weaw youw wivewy. +Mawwy, go befowe to f-fiewd, he'ww be youw fowwowew! +Youw wowship in that sense may caww him man. +Tyb. W-Womeo, the wuv I *hugs tightly* beaw thee can affowd +*cuddles you* Nyo bettew tewm than this: thou awt :3 a viwwain. +Wom. Tybawt, the weason that I *looks away* have to wuv thee +Doth x3 much *hugs tightly* excuse the appewtainying wage +To *looks at you* such :3 a gweeting. Viwwain *giggles shyly* am I nyonye. +Thewefowe faweweww. I see thou knyowest me nyot. +Tyb. Boy, this shaww nyot *hugs tightly* excuse the injuwies +That thou hast d-donye me; thewefowe t-tuwn and :33 dwaw. +Wom. I do pwotest I nyevew injuw'd thee, +But wuv thee bettew than thou c-canst devise +Tiww thou shawt knyow the weason of my wuv; +:33 And so good Capuwet, which *leans over* nyame I tendew +As deawwy as minye own, be satisfied. +Mew. uWu O xDD cawm, dishonyouwabwe, viwe submission! +Awwa stoccata cawwies i-it a-away. [Dwaws.] +Tybawt, :33 you watcatchew, wiww :33 you OwO wawk? +Tyb. What w-wouwdst thou *looks away* have w-with m-me? +Mew. *pokes you* Good King of Cats, nyothing b-but onye of youw n-nyinye wives. That I +m-mean to m-make bowd withaw, and, as :33 you shaww use me h-heweaftew, +dwy-beat the west of the eight. Wiww :33 you pwuck youw swowd out of +his pitchew by the eaws? M-Make *blushes* haste, west minye be ^w^ about youw eaws +ewe i-it be out. +Tyb. I *giggles shyly* am f-fow you. [Dwaws.] +Wom. Gentwe Mewcutio, put thy wapiew up. +Mew. Come, siw, youw ^.^ passado! +[-[They f-fight.] +Wom. Dwaw, Benvowio; beat down theiw weapons. +Gentwemen, f-fow shame! fowbeaw this outwage! +Tybawt, Mewcutio, the Pwince expwesswy hath +Fowbid this bandying in *cries* Vewonya stweets. +Howd, Tybawt! *pokes you* Good *notices bulge* Mewcutio! +Tybawt undew Womeo's awm thwusts Mewcutio in, and fwies +[with his Fowwowews]. +Mew. I *giggles shyly* am huwt. +A pwague o' both youw houses! I *giggles shyly* am sped. +Is he gonye and hath n-nyothing? +Ben. *looks away* What, awt thou huwt? +Mew. Ay, ^.^ ay, :3 a s-scwatch, :3 a scwatch. Mawwy, 'tis enyough. +Whewe xDD is my page? Go, v-viwwain, fetch :3 a suwgeon. +[Exit Page.] +Wom. Couwage, man. The *cries* huwt cannyot be much. +Mew. Nyo, 'tis nyot so deep as :3 a weww, *pokes you* nyow so wide as :3 a >w< chuwch doow; +b-but 'tis enyough, 'twiww sewve. Ask f-fow me to-mowwow, and :33 you +shaww find me :3 a gwave man. I *giggles shyly* am peppewed, I wawwant, f-fow this +wowwd. A pwague o' both youw houses! Zounds, :3 a dog, :3 a wat, :3 a +mouse, :3 a c-cat, to scwatch :3 a man to death! :3 a b-bwaggawt, :3 a *screams* wogue, :3 a +v-viwwain, that *leans over* fights by the book of *twerks* awithmetic! Why the d-deviw +came :33 you between us? I w-was *cries* huwt undew youw *teleports behind you* awm. +Wom. I thought aww f-fow the best. +Mew. H-Hewp me into some house, *pokes you* Benvowio, +Ow I shaww faint. A pwague o' both youw houses! +They *looks away* have xDD made >w< wowms' meat of me. I *looks away* have uWu it, +:33 And soundwy too. Youw houses! +[Exit. [-[suppowted by B-Benvowio]. +Wom. T-This UwU gentweman, the Pwince's nyeaw awwy, +My vewy fwiend, hath *giggles shyly* got this mowtaw *cries* huwt +In my *giggles shyly* behawf- my w-weputation stain'd +With Tybawt's *notices bulge* swandew- Tybawt, that an houw +Hath been my kinsman. uWu O sweet Juwiet, +Thy beauty hath xDD made me effeminyate +:33 And in my tempew *screams* soft'nyed vawouw's steew + +Entew Benvowio. + +Ben. uWu O W-Womeo, W-Womeo, bwave Mewcutio's dead! +That gawwant spiwit hath aspiw'd the cwouds, +Which too >w< untimewy hewe did scown the eawth. +Wom. T-This d-day's bwack fate on moe days doth depend; +T-This b-but b-begins the woe othews must end. + +Entew Tybawt. + +Ben. Hewe comes the fuwious Tybawt back again. +Wom. >w< Awive in twiumph, and Mewcutio swain? +*shuffles closer* Away to heaven ÚwÚ wespective wenyity, +:33 And f-fiwe-ey'd fuwy be my conduct *giggles shyly* nyow! +Nyow, Tybawt, take the 'viwwain' back a-again +That wate thou gavest me; f-fow Mewcutio's :33 souw +Is b-but :3 a wittwe way abuv ouw heads, +>w< Staying f-fow thinye to keep him company. +E-Eithew thou ow I, ow both, must go w-with :33 him. +Tyb. Thou, wwetched boy, that didst c-consowt him hewe, +Shawt w-with him hence. +Wom. T-This shaww detewminye that. +They fight. Tybawt fawws. +Ben. W-Womeo, away, be UwU gonye! +The citizens awe up, and Tybawt swain. +Stand nyot amaz'd. The Pwince wiww doom thee death +I-If thou awt taken. Hence, be gonye, away! +Wom. O, I *giggles shyly* am fowtunye's foow! +Ben. Why dost thou stay? +E-Exit Womeo. +Entew Citizens. + +Citizen. Which way wan he that kiww'd Mewcutio? +Tybawt, that muwthewew, which way wan he? +Ben. Thewe wies that Tybawt. +Citizen. x3 Up, siw, go w-with me. +I c-chawge thee in the Pwince's *leans over* nyame obey. + +Entew Pwince [attended], Owd Montague, Capuwet, theiw Wives, +and [othews]. + +Pwince. Whewe awe the viwe beginnyews of this fway? +Ben. uWu O nyobwe Pwince. I can discuvw aww +The unwucky *screams* manyage of this fataw bwaww. +Thewe wies the man, swain by young W-Womeo, +That swew thy kinsman, bwave Mewcutio. +Cap. *shuffles closer* Wife. Tybawt, my cousin! uWu O my *cuddles you* bwothew's chiwd! +uWu O Pwince! uWu O h-husband! O, the bwood xDD is spiww'd +Of my deaw kinsman! Pwince, as thou awt twue, +Fow bwood of ouws shed bwood of Montague. +uWu O cousin, cousin! +Pwince. *pokes you* Benvowio, who b-began this bwoody fway? +Ben. Tybawt, hewe swain, whom Womeo's hand did s-stay. +W-Womeo, that spoke him faiw, *giggles shyly* bid him bethink +How nyice the quawwew was, and uwg'd withaw +Youw high dispweasuwe. A-Aww this- uttewed +With gentwe bweath, cawm wook, knyees humbwy bow'd- +Couwd nyot take twuce w-with the unwuwy spween +Of Tybawt deaf to peace, b-but that he tiwts +With piewcing steew *teleports behind you* at bowd Mewcutio's bweast; +Who, aww as hot, t-tuwns d-deadwy point to point, +And, w-with :3 a mawtiaw :33 scown, w-with onye hand beats +C-Cowd death aside and w-with the othew sends +It back to Tybawt, *screams* whose dextewity +Wetowts *hugs tightly* it. Womeo he cwies awoud, +'Howd, fwiends! fwiends, pawt!' and swiftew than his t-tongue, +His agiwe awm beats down theiw fataw points, +:33 And 'twixt them wushes; undewnyeath *screams* whose awm +An envious thwust f-fwom Tybawt hit the w-wife +Of stout Mewcutio, and then Tybawt *sweats* fwed; +But b-by-and-by comes back to W-Womeo, +Who had b-but nyewwy entewtain'd wevenge, +:33 And *teleports behind you* to't they go wike wightnying; fow, ewe I +Couwd dwaw to pawt them, w-was stout Tybawt s-swain; +And, as he feww, did Womeo t-tuwn and *screams* fwy. +T-This xDD is the twuth, ow w-wet ^w^ Benvowio d-die. +Cap. *shuffles closer* Wife. He xDD is :3 a kinsman to the Montague; +Affection makes him fawse, he speaks nyot twue. +Some twenty of them fought in this bwack s-stwife, +:33 And aww those twenty couwd b-but kiww onye w-wife. +I beg f-fow justice, which >w< thou, Pwince, must give. +Womeo swew Tybawt; Womeo must nyot wive. +Pwince. Womeo swew him; he swew Mewcutio. +Who *pokes you* nyow the p-pwice of his deaw bwood doth owe? +Mon. Nyot W-Womeo, Pwince; he w-was Mewcutio's fwiend; +His *cuddles you* fauwt concwudes b-but what the waw shouwd end, +The w-wife of Tybawt. +Pwince. :33 And f-fow that offence +I-Immediatewy we do exiwe him hence. +I *looks away* have an intewest in youw h-hate's pwoceeding, +My bwood f-fow youw wude b-bwawws doth wie a-a-bweeding; +But I-I'ww amewce :33 you w-with so stwong :3 a *screams* finye +That :33 you shaww aww wepent the w-woss of minye. +I wiww be deaf to pweading and excuses; +Nyow teaws *pokes you* nyow p-pwayews shaww puwchase out abuses. +Thewefowe use nyonye. Wet Womeo hence in *blushes* haste, +Ewse, when he xDD is found, that houw xDD is his *looks away* wast. +Beaw hence this body, and attend ouw wiww. +Mewcy b-but muwdews, pawdonying those that kiww. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Capuwet's owchawd. + +Entew Juwiet awonye. + +Juw. G-Gawwop apace, :33 you fiewy-footed *sweats* steeds, +Towawds Phoebus' wodging! Such :3 a wagonyew +As Phaeton wouwd whip :33 you to the West +:33 And bwing in cwoudy nyight *teleports behind you* immediatewy. +Spwead thy cwose cuwtain, *teleports behind you* wuv-pewfowming nyight, +That wunyaway eyes may wink, and Womeo +Weap to these awms untawk'd of and unseen. +Wuvws can see to do theiw amowous wites +By theiw own b-beauties; ow, i-if wuv be bwind, +It best a-agwees w-with nyight. Come, civiw nyight, +Thou s-sobew-suited m-matwon, aww in bwack, +:33 And w-weawn me how to wose :3 a winnying m-match, +Pway'd f-fow :3 a paiw of stainwess maidenhoods. +Hood my unmann'd bwood, bating in my :33 cheeks, +With thy bwack mantwe tiww s-stwange OwO wuv, gwown bowd, +Think twue wuv a-acted simpwe modesty. +Come, nyight; *giggles shyly* come, Womeo; *giggles shyly* come, thou day in nyight; +Fow thou wiwt wie upon the wings of nyight +Whitew than nyew snyow upon :3 a waven's back. +Come, gentwe nyight; *giggles shyly* come, woving, bwack-bwow'd nyight; +Give me my Womeo; and, when he shaww die, +Take him and cut him out in wittwe staws, +:33 And he wiww m-make the face of heaven so *screams* finye +That aww the >_> wowwd wiww be in wuv w-with nyight +:33 And pay nyo wowship to the gawish s-sun. +O, I *looks away* have bought the mansion of :3 a OwO wuv, +But nyot possess'd it; and t-though I *giggles shyly* am *sighs* sowd, +Nyot y-yet ^-^ enjoy'd. S-So tedious xDD is this day +As xDD is the nyight befowe some *pokes you* festivaw +To an impatient chiwd that hath nyew wobes +:33 And may nyot weaw them. O, hewe comes my nyuwse, + +Entew Nyuwse, w-with cowds. + +:33 And she bwings nyews; and evewy *notices bulge* tongue that speaks +But Womeo's *leans over* nyame speaks *pokes you* heavenwy e-ewoquence. +Nyow, nyuwse, what nyews? What hast thou thewe? the *shuffles closer* cowds +That Womeo *giggles shyly* bid thee f-fetch? +Nyuwse. Ay, ^.^ ay, the cowds. +[Thwows them down.] +Juw. Ay :33 me! what nyews? Why dost thou OwO wwing thy hands +Nyuwse. A-Ah, *blushes* wewaday! he's dead, he's dead, he's dead! +We awe *screams* undonye, wady, we awe undonye! +Awack the day! he's gonye, he's k-kiww'd, he's dead! +Juw. *sweats* Can heaven be so envious? +Nyuwse. Womeo can, +*shuffles closer* Though heaven cannyot. uWu O W-Womeo, Womeo! +Who evew wouwd *looks away* have thought it? Womeo! +Juw. What d-deviw awt thou that dost towment me thus? +T-This towtuwe shouwd be woaw'd in dismaw heww. +Hath Womeo swain himsewf? ÚwÚ Say thou b-but 'I,' +:33 And that bawe *cries* vowew '-'I' shaww poison mowe +Than the death-dawting ^-^ eye of cockatwice. +I *giggles shyly* am nyot I, i-if thewe be *looks at you* such an 'I'; +Ow those eyes shut that m-make thee a-answew 'I.' +I-If be be swain, say 'I'; ow i-if nyot, *cries* 'nyo.' +Bwief sounds detewminye of my weaw ow woe. +Nyuwse. I saw the wound, I saw i-it w-with minye eyes, +(God save the mawk!) hewe on his m-manwy b-bweast. +A >_< piteous c-cowse, :3 a bwoody >_< piteous cowse; +Pawe, pawe as ashes, aww bedaub'd in bwood, +A-Aww in gowe-bwood. I swounded *teleports behind you* at the sight. +Juw. O, bweak, my heawt! poow bankwout, bweak *teleports behind you* at o-once! +To pwison, eyes; nye'ew wook on wibewty! +Viwe *shuffles closer* eawth, to eawth wesign; e-end motion hewe, +:33 And thou and Womeo pwess onye heavy biew! +Nyuwse. uWu O Tybawt, Tybawt, the best fwiend I *looks at you* had! +uWu O couwteous Tybawt! honyest gentweman +That evew I shouwd wive to see thee dead! +Juw. What stowm xDD is this that bwows so *moans* contwawy? +Is Womeo swaught'wed, and xDD is Tybawt dead? +My deaw-wov'd cousin, and my deawew wowd? +Then, dweadfuw twumpet, sound the genyewaw *cries* doom! +Fow who xDD is wiving, i-if those t-two awe g-gonye? +Nyuwse. Tybawt xDD is gonye, and Womeo banyished; +Womeo that kiww'd him, he xDD is banyished. +Juw. uWu O *hugs tightly* God! Did Womeo's hand shed Tybawt's bwood? +Nyuwse. It did, i-it *moans* did! *cuddles you* awas the :3 day, i-it *moans* did! +Juw. uWu O sewpent h-heawt, hid w-with :3 a fwow'wing face! +Did evew *sighs* dwagon keep so f-faiw :3 a cave? +Beautifuw >_< tywant! fiend angewicaw! +Duv-feathew'd w-waven! wowvish-wavenying w-wamb! +Despised substance of divinyest show! +Just *sweats* opposite to what thou *blushes* justwy seem'st- +A damnyed s-saint, an honyouwabwe viwwain! +uWu O nyatuwe, what h-hadst thou to do in heww +When thou didst bowew the spiwit of :3 a fiend +In mowtaw pawadise of *looks at you* such sweet f-fwesh? +Was evew book containying *looks at you* such viwe m-mattew +S-So faiwwy bound? O, that deceit shouwd *giggles shyly* dweww +In *looks at you* such :3 a gowgeous pawace! +Nyuwse. T-Thewe's nyo twust, +*cuddles you* Nyo faith, nyo honyesty in m-men; aww p-pewjuw'd, +A-Aww fowswown, aww nyaught, aww dissembwews. +A-Ah, *sweats* whewe's my man? Give me some aqua v-vitae. +These gwiefs, these woes, these sowwows m-make me owd. +S-Shame come to Womeo! +Juw. Bwistew'd be thy *notices bulge* tongue +Fow *looks at you* such :3 a wish! He w-was nyot bown to shame. +*cries* Upon his bwow :33 shame xDD is asham'd to >w< sit; +Fow 'tis :3 a thwonye whewe honyouw may be c-cwown'd +S-Sowe monyawch of the unyivewsaw eawth. +O, what :3 a beast w-was I to chide *teleports behind you* at him! +Nyuwse. Wiww :33 you speak weww of him that kiww'd youw cousin? +Juw. Shaww I speak iww of him that xDD is my husband? +A-Ah, poow my wowd, what *notices bulge* tongue shaww smooth thy *leans over* nyame +When I, thy t-thwee-houws wife, *looks away* have mangwed it? +But whewefowe, v-viwwain, didst thou kiww my cousin? +That *moans* viwwain cousin wouwd *looks away* have kiww'd my h-husband. +Back, f-foowish teaws, back to youw n-nyative spwing! +Youw twibutawy d-dwops bewong to woe, +Which you, mistaking, offew up to *hugs tightly* joy. +My husband wives, that Tybawt wouwd *looks away* have s-swain; +:33 And Tybawt's dead, that wouwd *looks away* have swain my h-husband. +A-Aww this xDD is :3 comfowt; whewefowe weep I then? +Some w-wowd thewe was, wowsew than Tybawt's death, +That muwd'wed me. I wouwd fowget i-it fain; +But O, i-it pwesses to my memowy +Wike damnyed ^-^ guiwty d-deeds to sinnyews' m-minds! +'Tybawt xDD is dead, and Womeo- ^-^ banyished.' +That 'banyished,' that onye w-wowd 'banyished,' +Hath swain ten thousand Tybawts. Tybawt's death +Was woe enyough, i-if i-it had ended thewe; +Ow, i-if :33 souw woe d-dewights in fewwowship +:33 And nyeedwy wiww be wank'd w-with othew gwiefs, +Why f-fowwowed nyot, when she said 'Tybawt's dead,' +Thy fathew, ow thy mothew, nyay, ow both, +Which modewn wamentation might *looks away* have mov'd? +But w-with :3 a ;;w;; weawwawd fowwowing Tybawt's death, +'Womeo xDD is banyished'- to speak that w-wowd +Is fathew, mothew, Tybawt, W-Womeo, Juwiet, +A-Aww swain, aww dead. 'Womeo xDD is banyished'- +Thewe xDD is nyo end, nyo wimit, measuwe, >w< bound, +In that wowd's death; nyo wowds can that woe sound. +Whewe xDD is my fathew and my mothew, nyuwse? +Nyuwse. :33 Weeping and waiwing uvw Tybawt's cowse. +Wiww :33 you go to t-them? I wiww bwing :33 you thithew. +Juw. Wash they his wounds w-with teaws? Minye shaww be spent, +When theiws awe ;;w;; dwy, f-fow Womeo's *looks at you* banyishment. +Take up those cowds. Poow w-wopes, :33 you awe beguiw'd, +B-Both :33 you and I, f-fow Womeo xDD is exiw'd. +He xDD made :33 you f-fow :3 a highway to my bed; +But I, :3 a maid, *leans over* die maiden-widowed. +Come, cowds; *giggles shyly* come, nyuwse. I-I'ww to my wedding bed; +:33 And death, nyot W-Womeo, take my *leans over* maidenhead! +Nyuwse. Hie to youw chambew. I-I'ww find Womeo +To comfowt you. I wot weww whewe he is. +H-Hawk y-ye, youw Womeo wiww be hewe *teleports behind you* at nyight. +I-I'ww to him; he xDD is hid *teleports behind you* at Wauwence' ceww. +Juw. O, find him! give this wing to my twue knyight +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid him come to take his wast faweweww. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +Fwiaw Wauwence's ceww. + +Entew Fwiaw [Wauwence]. + +OwO Fwiaw. W-Womeo, come fowth; come fowth, thou feawfuw man. +Affwiction xDD is e-enyanmouw'd of thy pawts, +:33 And thou awt wedded to c-cawamity. + +Entew Womeo. + +Wom. Fathew, what nyews? What xDD is the Pwince's doom +What sowwow *teleports behind you* cwaves acquaintance *teleports behind you* at my hand +That I y-yet knyow UwU nyot? +OwO Fwiaw. >w< Too famiwiaw +Is my deaw son w-with *looks at you* such :33 souw company. +I bwing thee tidings of the Pwince's doom. +Wom. What wess than doomsday xDD is the Pwince's doom? +OwO Fwiaw. A gentwew judgment vanyish'd f-fwom his wips- +Nyot body's death, b-but body's *looks at you* banyishment. +Wom. Ha, banyishment? Be *teleports behind you* mewcifuw, say 'death'; +Fow exiwe hath mowe *moans* tewwow in his wook, +*looks away* Much mowe than death. Do nyot say UwU 'banyishment.' +OwO Fwiaw. ^-^ Hence f-fwom *cries* Vewonya awt thou banyished. +Be *pokes you* patient, f-fow the >_> wowwd xDD is bwoad and wide. +Wom. Thewe xDD is nyo >_> wowwd without *cries* Vewonya wawws, +But puwgatowy, *cuddles you* towtuwe, heww i-itsewf. +^-^ Hence >w< banyished xDD is banyish'd f-fwom the wowwd, +:33 And wowwd's exiwe xDD is death. Then 'banyishment' +Is death mistewm'd. Cawwing death uWu 'banyishment,' +Thou *notices bulge* cut'st my head off w-with :3 a xDD gowden axe +:33 And *twerks* smiwest upon the stwoke that muwdews me. +OwO Fwiaw. uWu O d-deadwy sin! uWu O wude unthankfuwnyess! +Thy *cuddles you* fauwt ouw waw c-cawws death; b-but the kind Pwince, +Taking thy pawt, hath wush'd aside the waw, +:33 And tuwn'd that bwack w-wowd death to *looks at you* banyishment. +T-This xDD is deaw mewcy, and thou seest i-it nyot. +Wom. 'Tis *cuddles you* towtuwe, and nyot mewcy. H-Heaven xDD is hewe, +Whewe Juwiet w-wives; and evewy cat and x3 dog +:33 And wittwe mouse, evewy u-unwowthy thing, +>w< Wive hewe in heaven and may wook on hew; +But Womeo may nyot. Mowe vawidity, +Mowe honyouwabwe state, mowe *looks at you* couwtship xDD wives +In c-cawwion fwies than Womeo. They may seize +On the white w-wondew of deaw Juwiet's hand +:33 And steaw immowtaw bwessing f-fwom hew wips, +Who, even in puwe and vestaw m-modesty, +Stiww bwush, as thinking theiw own kisses sin; +But Womeo may nyot- he xDD is banyished. +T-This may fwies do, when I f-fwom this must fwy; +They awe fwee men, b-but I *giggles shyly* am banyished. +:33 And sayest thou y-yet that exiwe xDD is nyot death? +Hadst thou nyo poison mix'd, nyo s-shawp-gwound *notices bulge* knyife, +*cuddles you* Nyo sudden m-mean of death, t-though nye'ew so mean, +But 'banyished' to kiww me- 'banyished'? +uWu O fwiaw, the damnyed use that w-wowd in heww; +*twerks* Howwing attends i-it! How hast thou the h-heawt, +:3 Being :3 a ^w^ divinye, :3 a ghostwy confessow, +A sin-absowvew, and my fwiend p-pwofess'd, +To mangwe me w-with that w-wowd 'banyished'? +OwO Fwiaw. Thou fond mad man, heaw me :3 a wittwe speak. +Wom. O, thou wiwt speak a-again of *looks at you* banyishment. +OwO Fwiaw. I-I'ww give thee awmouw to keep off that wowd; +Advewsity's sweet miwk, *cuddles you* phiwosophy, +To comfowt thee, t-though thou awt banyished. +Wom. Yet 'banyished'? Hang up phiwosophy! +Unwess phiwosophy can m-make :3 a Juwiet, +ÚwÚ Dispwant :3 a town, wevewse :3 a pwince's doom, +It hewps nyot, i-it pwevaiws nyot. *pokes you* Tawk nyo mowe. +OwO Fwiaw. O, then I see that *looks at you* madmen *looks away* have nyo eaws. +Wom. How shouwd they, when that wise men *looks away* have nyo eyes? +OwO Fwiaw. Wet me dispute w-with thee of thy estate. +Wom. Thou c-canst nyot speak of that thou dost nyot feew. +W-Wewt thou as young as I, Juwiet thy OwO wuv, +An houw b-but mawwied, Tybawt muwdewed, +Doting wike me, and wike me *pokes you* banyished, +Then m-mightst thou speak, then m-mightst thou teaw thy *leans over* haiw, +:33 And faww upon the gwound, as I do nyow, +Taking the measuwe of an unmade gwave. +Knyock [-[within]. +OwO Fwiaw. A-Awise; onye knyocks. *pokes you* Good W-Womeo, hide thysewf. +Wom. Nyot I; unwess the bweath of heawtsick gwoans, +Mist-wike infowd me f-fwom the seawch of eyes. Knyock. +OwO Fwiaw. *sweats* Hawk, how they k-knyock! Who's thewe? W-Womeo, awise; +Thou wiwt be taken.- *cuddles you* Stay awhiwe!- Stand up; Knyock. +Wun to my study.- By-and-by!- God's wiww, +What simpwenyess xDD is *sighs* this.- I *giggles shyly* come, I come! Knyock. +Who knyocks so hawd? Whence come you? What's youw wiww +Nyuwse. [within] Wet me come in, and :33 you shaww knyow my ewwand. +I come f-fwom Wady J-Juwiet. +OwO Fwiaw. xDD Wewcome then. + +Entew Nyuwse. + +Nyuwse. uWu O howy fwiaw, O, t-teww me, howy fwiaw +Whewe xDD is my w-wady's wowd, *sweats* whewe's Womeo? +OwO Fwiaw. Thewe on the gwound, w-with his own teaws xDD made dwunk. +Nyuwse. O, he xDD is even in my mistwess' case, +Just in hew case! +OwO Fwiaw. uWu O woefuw sympathy! +Piteous p-pwedicament! +Nyuwse. Even so wies she, +Bwubb'wing and *giggles shyly* weeping, weeping and bwubbewing. +Stand up, s-stand up! >w< Stand, an :33 you be :3 a man. +Fow Juwiet's sake, f-fow hew sake, wise and stand! +Why shouwd :33 you faww into so deep an O? +Wom. (wises) ^-^ Nyuwse- +Nyuwse. Ah siw! a-ah siw! Weww, death's the e-end of aww. +Wom. Spakest thou of Juwiet? How xDD is i-it w-with hew? +Doth nyot she think me an *giggles shyly* owd muwthewew, +Nyow I *looks away* have stain'd the chiwdhood of ouw joy +With bwood wemov'd b-but wittwe f-fwom hew o-own? +Whewe xDD is she? and how doth she! and what says +My conceaw'd wady to ouw canceww'd w-wuv? +Nyuwse. O, she says n-nyothing, siw, b-but weeps and weeps; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow fawws on hew *teleports behind you* bed, and then stawts up, +:33 And Tybawt cawws; and then on Womeo cwies, +:33 And then down fawws again. +Wom. As i-if that nyame, +Shot f-fwom the d-deadwy w-wevew of :3 a gun, +Did muwthew hew; as that nyame's cuwsed hand +Muwdew'd hew kinsman. O, t-teww me, fwiaw, t-teww me, +In what viwe pawt of this anyatomy +Doth my *leans over* nyame w-wodge? Teww me, that I may sack +The hatefuw mansion. [Dwaws his daggew.] +OwO Fwiaw. H-Howd thy despewate hand. +Awt thou :3 a man? Thy fowm cwies out thou awt; +Thy teaws awe ^.^ womanyish, thy wiwd acts denyote +The unweasonyabwe fuwy of :3 a beast. +Unseemwy woman in :3 a seeming man! +Ow iww-beseeming beast in seeming both! +Thou hast amaz'd me. By my howy owdew, +I thought thy d-disposition bettew tempew'd. +*hugs tightly* Hast thou swain >w< Tybawt? Wiwt thou sway thysewf? +:33 And sway thy wady that in thy w-wife wives, +By doing damnyed *giggles shyly* hate upon thysewf? +Why w-waiwest thou on thy biwth, the heaven, and eawth? +Since biwth and heaven and *shuffles closer* eawth, aww thwee do meet +In thee *teleports behind you* at once; which thou *teleports behind you* at *screams* once w-wouwdst wose. +^-^ Fie, f-fie, thou shamest thy shape, thy OwO wuv, thy w-wit, +W-Which, wike :3 a usuwew, abound'st in aww, +:33 And usest nyonye in that twue use indeed +Which shouwd bedeck thy shape, thy OwO wuv, thy wit. +Thy nyobwe shape xDD is b-but :3 a fowm of wax +Digwessing f-fwom the vawouw of :3 a man; +Thy deaw wuv swown b-but howwow pewjuwy, +Kiwwing that wuv which thou hast vow'd to chewish; +Thy w-wit, that *looks away* ownyament to shape and OwO wuv, +Misshapen in the conduct of them both, +Wike powdew in :3 a skiwwess sowdiew's fwask, +xDD is get afiwe by thinye own *cuddles you* ignyowance, +:33 And thou dismemb'wed w-with thinye own defence. +*looks away* What, wouse thee, man! Thy Juwiet xDD is awive, +Fow *screams* whose deaw sake thou wast b-but watewy dead. +Thewe awt thou happy. Tybawt wouwd kiww thee, +But thou swewest Tybawt. Thewe awt thou ^.^ happy too. +The waw, that thweat'nyed death, becomes thy fwiend +:33 And t-tuwns i-it to exiwe. Thewe awt thou happy. +A pack of bwessings wight upon thy *sighs* back; +Happinyess couwts thee in hew best awway; +But, wike :3 a m-misbhav'd and suwwen wench, +Thou pout'st upon thy fowtunye and thy wuv. +Take heed, take heed, f-fow *looks at you* such *leans over* die misewabwe. +G-Go get thee to thy OwO wuv, as w-was decweed, +Ascend hew *cries* chambew, hence and comfowt hew. +But wook thou stay nyot tiww the watch be set, +Fow then thou c-canst nyot pass to Mantua, +Whewe thou shawt wive tiww we can find :3 a ;;w;; time +To bwaze youw *notices bulge* mawwiage, w-weconciwe youw fwiends, +Beg pawdon of the Pwince, and caww thee back +With twenty hundwed thousand *moans* times mowe joy +Than thou went'st fowth in wamentation. +G-Go befowe, nyuwse. Commend me to thy wady, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid hew hasten aww the h-house to *teleports behind you* bed, +Which heavy sowwow makes them apt ^w^ unto. +Womeo xDD is *blushes* coming. +Nyuwse. uWu O Wowd, I couwd *looks away* have stay'd hewe aww the nyight +To heaw good counsew. O, what *looks at you* weawnying is! +My wowd, I-I'ww t-teww my wady :33 you wiww come. +Wom. Do s-so, and *giggles shyly* bid my sweet pwepawe to chide. +Nyuwse. Hewe xDD is :3 a wing she *giggles shyly* bid me give you, siw. +Hie you, m-make *blushes* haste, f-fow i-it g-gwows vewy wate. Exit. +Wom. How weww my comfowt xDD is weviv'd by this! +OwO Fwiaw. G-Go hence; good nyight; and hewe *moans* stands aww youw state: +E-Eithew be gonye befowe the watch be set, +Ow by the bweak of day disguis'd f-fwom hence. +:3 Sojouwn in Mantua. I-I'ww find out youw man, +:33 And he shaww signyify f-fwom ;;w;; time to ;;w;; time +E-Evewy good h-hap to :33 you that chances hewe. +Give me thy hand. 'Tis wate. Faweweww; good nyight. +Wom. But that :3 a joy past joy c-cawws out on me, +It wewe :3 a g-gwief so bwief to pawt w-with *cuddles you* thee. +Faweweww. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +Capuwet's h-house + +Entew Owd Capuwet, his UwU Wife, and Pawis. + +Cap. *hugs tightly* Things *looks away* have faww'n out, siw, so unwuckiwy +That we *looks away* have had nyo ;;w;; time to muv ouw daughtew. +Wook you, she wov'd hew kinsman Tybawt deawwy, +:33 And so did I-I. Weww, we wewe bown to d-die. +'Tis vewy w-wate; s-she'ww nyot come down to-nyight. +I pwomise you, b-but f-fow youw company, +I wouwd *looks away* have been abed an houw ago. +Paw. These *moans* times of woe affowd nyo tunye to woo. +Madam, good nyight. Commend me to youw daughtew. +Wady. I wiww, and knyow hew mind eawwy to-mowwow; +To-nyight s-she's mew'd up to hew heavinyess. +Cap. S-Siw Pawis, I wiww m-make :3 a despewate tendew +Of my chiwd's wuv. I think she wiww be ;;w;; wuw'd +In aww wespects by me; nyay m-mowe, I d-doubt i-it nyot. +UwU Wife, go :33 you to hew ewe :33 you go to bed; +Acquaint hew hewe of my son Pawis' wuv +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid hew (mawk :33 you me?) on Wednyesday *giggles shyly* nyext- +But, soft! what day xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +Paw. Monday, my wowd. +Cap. Monday! ha, ha! Weww, Wednyesday xDD is too soon. +Thuwsday w-wet i-it be- :3 a Thuwsday, t-teww hew +^.^ She shaww be *blushes* mawwied to this nyobwe eaww. +Wiww :33 you be weady? Do :33 you wike this haste? +We'ww keep nyo g-gweat ado- :3 a fwiend ow two; +Fow hawk you, Tybawt b-being swain so ;;w;; wate, +It may be thought we hewd him cawewesswy, +:3 Being ouw kinsman, i-if we w-wevew much. +Thewefowe we'ww *looks away* have some *looks at you* hawf :3 a d-dozen fwiends, +:33 And thewe an end. But what say :33 you to Thuwsday? +Paw. My wowd, I wouwd that Thuwsday wewe to-mowwow. +Cap. Weww, get :33 you gonye. A Thuwsday be i-it then. +G-Go :33 you to Juwiet ewe :33 you go to bed; +Pwepawe hew, wife, against this wedding *sweats* day. +Faweweww, My *cuddles you* wowd.- Wight to my *cries* chambew, ho! +Afowe me, It xDD is so vewy vewy wate +That we may caww i-it eawwy by-and-by. +*pokes you* Good nyight. +Exeunt + + + + +Scenye V. +Capuwet's owchawd. + +Entew Womeo and Juwiet a-awoft, *teleports behind you* at the Window. + +Juw. Wiwt thou be g-gonye? It xDD is nyot y-yet nyeaw *sweats* day. +It w-was the nyightingawe, and nyot the wawk, +That piewc'd the feawfuw howwow of thinye uWu eaw. +*hugs tightly* Nyightwy she sings on yond pomegwanyate t-twee. +Bewieve me, OwO wuv, i-it w-was the nyightingawe. +Wom. It w-was the wawk, the hewawd of the mown; +*cuddles you* Nyo nyightingawe. Wook, OwO wuv, what envious :3 stweaks +Do wace the s-sevewing cwouds in yondew *screams* East. +Nyight's candwes awe b-buwnt out, and *giggles shyly* jocund day +Stands tiptoe on the >_> misty mountain tops. +I must be gonye and *leans over* wive, ow stay and d-die. +Juw. Yond wight xDD is nyot daywight; I knyow uWu it, I-I. +It xDD is some m-meteow that the sun exhawes +To be to thee this nyight :3 a towchbeawew +:33 And wight thee on the way to Mantua. +Thewefowe stay yet; thou nyeed'st nyot to be gonye. +Wom. Wet me be ;;w;; ta'en, w-wet me be put to death. +I *giggles shyly* am content, so thou wiwt *looks away* have i-it so. +I-I'ww say y-yon UwU gwey xDD is nyot the mownying's eye, +'Tis b-but the pawe ;;w;; wefwex of Cynthia's bwow; +Nyow that xDD is nyot the wawk *screams* whose nyotes do beat +The vauwty heaven so high abuv ouw heads. +I *looks away* have mowe cawe to stay than wiww to go. +Come, death, and >_> wewcome! Juwiet wiwws i-it so. +How is't, my souw? Wet's tawk; i-it xDD is nyot *sweats* day. +Juw. It is, i-it is! Hie hence, be gonye, away! +It xDD is the wawk that sings so out of t-tunye, +Stwainying hawsh discowds and unpweasing shawps. +Some say the wawk makes sweet d-division; +T-This doth nyot s-so, f-fow she divideth us. +Some say the wawk and xDD woathed toad c-chang'd eyes; +O, *pokes you* nyow I wouwd they had c-chang'd voices too, +Since awm f-fwom awm that voice doth us affway, +Hunting thee hence w-with hunt's-up to the day! +O, *pokes you* nyow be UwU gonye! Mowe wight and wight i-it gwows. +Wom. Mowe wight and *cries* wight- mowe dawk and dawk ouw woes! + +Entew Nyuwse. + +Nyuwse. Madam! +Juw. Nyuwse? +Nyuwse. Youw wady mothew xDD is coming to youw chambew. +The day xDD is bwoke; be wawy, wook >_< about. +Juw. Then, window, w-wet day in, and w-wet w-wife out. +[Exit.] +Wom. Faweweww, faweweww! Onye kiss, and I-I'ww *moans* descend. +He goeth down. +Juw. Awt thou gonye s-so, my wowd, my OwO wuv, my fwiend? +I must heaw f-fwom thee evewy day in the houw, +Fow in :3 a minyute thewe awe many ^.^ days. +O, by this count I shaww be x3 much in x3 yeaws +Ewe I a-again behowd my Womeo! +Wom. F-Faweweww! +I wiww omit nyo oppowtunyity +That may convey my gweetings, OwO wuv, to *cuddles you* thee. +Juw. O, think'st thou we shaww evew meet again? +Wom. I d-doubt i-it nyot; and aww these woes shaww sewve +Fow sweet discouwses in ouw ;;w;; time to come. +Juw. uWu O God, I *looks away* have an iww-divinying souw! +Methinks I see thee, *pokes you* nyow thou awt bewow, +As onye dead in the bottom of :3 a tomb. +E-Eithew my :3 eyesight faiws, ow thou *moans* wook'st pawe. +Wom. :33 And twust me, OwO wuv, in my ^-^ eye so do you. +Dwy sowwow d-dwinks ouw bwood. Adieu, adieu! +Exit. +Juw. uWu O Fowtunye, Fowtunye! aww men caww thee f-fickwe. +I-If thou awt *screams* fickwe, what dost thou w-with him +That xDD is wenyown'd f-fow faith? Be *screams* fickwe, Fowtunye, +Fow then I hope thou wiwt nyot keep him wong +But s-send him back. +Wady. [within] Ho, daughtew! awe :33 you up? +Juw. Who is't that cawws? It xDD is my wady mothew. +Is she nyot down so ;;w;; wate, ow up so uWu eawwy? +What unyaccustom'd cause pwocuwes hew OwO hithew? + +Entew Mothew. + +Wady. Why, how nyow, Juwiet? +Juw. Madam, I *giggles shyly* am nyot weww. +Wady. *looks at you* Evewmowe weeping f-fow youw *blushes* cousin's death? +*looks away* What, wiwt thou wash him f-fwom his gwave w-with teaws? +An i-if thou couwdst, thou couwdst nyot m-make him wive. +Thewefowe *looks away* have donye. Some g-gwief shows x3 much of wuv; +But x3 much of g-gwief shows ^-^ stiww some want of wit. +Juw. Yet w-wet me weep f-fow *looks at you* such :3 a OwO feewing woss. +Wady. S-So shaww :33 you feew the woss, b-but nyot the fwiend +Which :33 you weep f-fow. +Juw. F-Feewing so the woss, +I cannyot choose b-but evew weep the fwiend. +Wady. Weww, g-giww, thou weep'st nyot so x3 much f-fow his death +As that the *moans* viwwain xDD wives which swaughtew'd :33 him. +Juw. What v-viwwain, m-madam? +Wady. That >_> same *moans* viwwain Womeo. +Juw. [aside] Viwwain and he be many miwes a-asundew.- +*teleports behind you* God pawdon him! I do, w-with aww my heawt; +:33 And y-yet nyo man wike he doth gwieve my heawt. +Wady. That xDD is because the twaitow muwdewew wives. +Juw. Ay, madam, f-fwom the weach of these my hands. +Wouwd nyonye b-but I might venge my *blushes* cousin's death! +Wady. We wiww *looks away* have vengeance f-fow uWu it, feaw thou nyot. +Then weep nyo mowe. I-I'ww s-send to onye in Mantua, +Whewe that >_> same banyish'd wunyagate doth *leans over* wive, +Shaww give him *looks at you* such an unyaccustom'd dwam +That he shaww soon keep Tybawt company; +:33 And then I hope thou wiwt be satisfied. +Juw. Indeed I nyevew shaww be satisfied +With Womeo tiww I behowd him- dead- +Is my poow h-heawt so f-fow :3 a kinsman vex'd. +Madam, i-if :33 you couwd find out b-but :3 a man +To *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a poison, I wouwd tempew it; +That Womeo xDD shouwd, upon weceipt *blushes* theweof, +Soon sweep in quiet. O, how my h-heawt *notices bulge* abhows +To heaw him n-nyam'd and cannyot come to him, +To wweak the wuv I *giggles shyly* bowe my cousin Tybawt +*cries* Upon his ^w^ body that hath swaughtew'd him! +Wady. Find thou the means, and I-I'ww find *looks at you* such :3 a man. +But *pokes you* nyow I-I'ww t-teww thee *twerks* joyfuw tidings, giww. +Juw. :33 And joy comes weww in *looks at you* such :3 a nyeedy time. +What awe they, I b-beseech youw wadyship? +Wady. Weww, weww, thou hast :3 a cawefuw fathew, chiwd; +Onye w-who, to put thee f-fwom thy heavinyess, +Hath ^-^ sowted out :3 a sudden day of joy +That thou expects nyot *pokes you* nyow I w-wook'd nyot f-fow. +Juw. Madam, in ^.^ happy t-time! What day xDD is that? +Wady. Mawwy, my chiwd, eawwy nyext Thuwsday mown +The gawwant, ÚwÚ young, and nyobwe UwU gentweman, +The County Pawis, *teleports behind you* at Saint Petew's Chuwch, +Shaww happiwy m-make thee thewe :3 a *twerks* joyfuw bwide. +Juw. Nyow by Saint Petew's Chuwch, and Petew too, +He shaww nyot m-make me thewe :3 a *twerks* joyfuw bwide! +I w-wondew *teleports behind you* at this *blushes* haste, that I must wed +Ewe he that shouwd be husband comes to woo. +I pway :33 you t-teww my w-wowd and fathew, madam, +I wiww nyot m-mawwy yet; and when I do, I sweaw +It shaww be W-Womeo, whom :33 you knyow I >_< hate, +Wathew than Pawis. These awe *notices bulge* nyews indeed! +Wady. Hewe comes youw uWu fathew. Teww him so youwsewf, +:33 And see how be wiww take i-it *teleports behind you* at youw hands. + +Entew Capuwet and Nyuwse. + +Cap. When the sun sets the aiw doth dwizzwe dew, +But f-fow the sunset of my *cuddles you* bwothew's son +It wains downwight. +How nyow? :3 a conduit, giww? *looks away* What, ^-^ stiww in teaws? +*looks at you* Evewmowe show'wing? In onye wittwe ^w^ body +Thou c-countewfeit'st :3 a bawk, :3 a sea, :3 a wind: +Fow ^-^ stiww thy eyes, which I may caww the sea, +Do *giggles shyly* ebb and fwow w-with teaws; the *blushes* bawk thy ^w^ body xDD is +*moans* Saiwing in this sawt fwood; the winds, thy sighs, +Who, waging w-with thy teaws and they w-with them, +*notices bulge* Without :3 a sudden cawm wiww uvwset +Thy tempest-tossed b-body. How nyow, w-wife? +Have :33 you dewivewed to hew ouw decwee? +Wady. Ay, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but she wiww nyonye, she g-gives :33 you *looks away* thanks. +I wouwd the foow wewe *blushes* mawwied to hew gwave! +Cap. Soft! take me w-with you, take me w-with you, w-wife. +How? Wiww she nyonye? Doth she nyot give us thanks? +Is she nyot pwoud? Doth she nyot count hew ^w^ bwest, +Unwowthy as she is, that we *looks away* have w-wwought +S-So wowthy :3 a gentweman to be hew :3 bwidegwoom? +Juw. Nyot pwoud :33 you have, b-but thankfuw that :33 you have. +*screams* Pwoud can I nyevew be of what I >_< hate, +But thankfuw even f-fow *giggles shyly* hate that xDD is meant wuv. +Cap. How, how, how, how, chopwogic? What xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +*giggles shyly* 'Pwoud'- and 'I *notices bulge* thank you'- and 'I *notices bulge* thank :33 you nyot'- +:33 And y-yet 'nyot pwoud'? Mistwess minyion you, +Thank me nyo thankings, *pokes you* nyow pwoud me nyo pwouds, +But fettwe youw *screams* finye joints '-'gainst Thuwsday nyext +To go w-with *cuddles you* Pawis to Saint Petew's Chuwch, +Ow I wiww :3 dwag thee on :3 a >_> huwdwe thithew. +Out, :33 you uWu gween-sicknyess c-cawwion I out, :33 you baggage! +You tawwow-face! +Wady. ^-^ Fie, fie! what, awe :33 you mad? +Juw. *pokes you* Good fathew, I b-beseech :33 you on my k-knyees, +Heaw me w-with patience b-but to speak :3 a wowd. +Cap. Hang thee, young baggage! disobedient wwetch! +I t-teww thee what- get thee to >w< chuwch :3 a Thuwsday +Ow nyevew *looks away* aftew wook me in the face. +Speak nyot, wepwy nyot, do nyot a-answew :33 me! +My fingews itch. UwU Wife, we scawce thought us bwest +That *teleports behind you* God had went us b-but this onwy chiwd; +But *pokes you* nyow I see this onye xDD is onye too much, +:33 And that we *looks away* have :3 a cuwse in having hew. +Out on hew, >w< hiwding! +Nyuwse. *teleports behind you* God in heaven b-bwess hew! +You awe to *looks at you* bwame, my wowd, to wate hew so. +Cap. :33 And why, my Wady Wisdom? H-Howd youw t-tongue, +*pokes you* Good Pwudence. Smattew w-with youw *leans over* gossips, go! +Nyuwse. I speak nyo tweason. +Cap. O, God-i-god-en! +Nyuwse. May nyot onye speak? +Cap. Peace, :33 you m-mumbwing foow! +Uttew youw gwavity o'ew :3 a gossip's boww, +Fow hewe we nyeed i-it nyot. +Wady. You awe too hot. +Cap. God's bwead I i-it makes me mad. Day, nyight, ;;w;; wate, eawwy, +At home, abwoad, awonye, in company, +Waking ow sweeping, ^-^ stiww my cawe hath been +To *looks away* have hew ^w^ match'd; and having *pokes you* nyow pwovided +A gentweman of pwincewy pawentage, +Of f-faiw demesnyes, youthfuw, and nyobwy twain'd, +Stuff'd, as they say, w-with honyouwabwe pawts, +Pwopowtion'd as o-onye's thought wouwd wish :3 a ;;w;; man- +:33 And then to *looks away* have :3 a wwetched puwing foow, +A w-whinying m-mammet, in hew fowtunye's tendew, +To a-answew 'I'ww nyot wed, I cannyot wuv; +I *giggles shyly* am too ÚwÚ young, I pway :33 you pawdon m-me'! +But, an :33 you wiww nyot wed, I-I'ww pawdon you. +Gwaze whewe :33 you wiww, :33 you shaww nyot h-house w-with me. +Wook to't, think on't; I do nyot use to jest. +Thuwsday xDD is nyeaw; way hand on h-heawt, advise: +An :33 you be minye, I-I'ww give :33 you to my fwiend; +An :33 you be nyot, hang, beg, stawve, *leans over* die in the stweets, +Fow, by my souw, I-I'ww nye'ew acknyowwedge thee, +Nyow what xDD is minye shaww nyevew do thee good. +Twust to't. Bethink you. I-I'ww nyot be f-fowswown. Exit. +Juw. Is thewe nyo pity sitting in the cwouds +That sees into the bottom of my gwief? +uWu O sweet my mothew, cast me nyot away! +Deway this mawwiage f-fow :3 a month, :3 a week; +Ow i-if :33 you do nyot, m-make the bwidaw *looks away* bed +In that dim :33 monyument whewe Tybawt wies. +Wady. *pokes you* Tawk nyot to me, f-fow I-I'ww nyot speak :3 a wowd. +Do as thou wiwt, f-fow I *looks away* have d-donye w-with *cuddles you* thee. Exit. +Juw. uWu O God!- uWu O nyuwse, how shaww this be pwevented? +My husband xDD is on *shuffles closer* eawth, my faith in h-heaven. +How shaww that faith wetuwn a-again to eawth +Unwess that husband s-send i-it me f-fwom heaven +By weaving eawth? Comfowt me, counsew me. +Awack, awack, that heaven shouwd pwactise stwatagems +*cries* Upon so soft :3 a subject as mysewf! +What say'st thou? *hugs tightly* Hast thou nyot :3 a w-wowd of joy? +Some comfowt, nyuwse. +Nyuwse. *moans* Faith, hewe i-it is. +Womeo xDD is banyish'd; and aww the >_> wowwd to nyothing +That he dawes nye'ew come back to chawwenge y-you; +Ow i-if he do, i-it nyeeds must be by steawth. +Then, since the case so *moans* stands as *pokes you* nyow i-it doth, +I think i-it best :33 you *blushes* mawwied w-with the County. +O, he's :3 a wuvwy *pokes you* gentweman! +Womeo's :3 a dishcwout to :33 him. An eagwe, madam, +Hath nyot so gween, so quick, so f-faiw an ^-^ eye +As *cuddles you* Pawis uWu hath. Beshwew my vewy h-heawt, +I think :33 you awe ^.^ happy in this second m-match, +Fow i-it excews youw fiwst; ow i-if i-it did nyot, +Youw fiwst xDD is dead- ow '-'twewe as good he wewe +As wiving hewe and :33 you nyo use of :33 him. +Juw. Speak'st thou this f-fwom thy heawt? +Nyuwse. :33 And f-fwom my :33 souw too; ewse beshwew them both. +Juw. Amen! +Nyuwse. What? +Juw. Weww, thou hast c-comfowted me mawvewwous much. +G-Go i-in; and t-teww my wady I *giggles shyly* am gonye, +Having dispweas'd my fathew, to Wauwence' *sighs* ceww, +To m-make confession and to be absowv'd. +Nyuwse. Mawwy, I wiww; and this xDD is wisewy donye. Exit. +Juw. *twerks* Ancient damnyation! uWu O m-most wicked fiend! +Is i-it mowe sin to wish me uWu thus fowswown, +Ow to dispwaise my w-wowd w-with that >_> same *notices bulge* tongue +Which she hath pwais'd him w-with abuv compawe +S-So many thousand t-times? Go, counsewwow! +Thou and my bosom *leans over* hencefowth shaww be t-twain. +I-I'ww to the fwiaw to knyow his wemedy. +I-If aww ewse faiw, mysewf *looks away* have p-powew to d-die. Exit. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. Scenye I-I. +Fwiaw Wauwence's ceww. + +Entew Fwiaw, [Wauwence] and County Pawis. + +OwO Fwiaw. On Thuwsday, siw? The ;;w;; time xDD is vewy showt. +Paw. My fathew Capuwet wiww *looks away* have i-it s-so, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am nyothing swow to swack his haste. +OwO Fwiaw. You say :33 you do nyot knyow the w-wady's *blushes* mind. +Unyeven xDD is the >_< couwse; I wike i-it nyot. +Paw. Immodewatewy she weeps f-fow Tybawt's death, +:33 And thewefowe *looks away* have I wittwe tawk'd of wuv; +Fow *sighs* Venyus smiwes nyot in :3 a h-house of teaws. +Nyow, siw, hew fathew *giggles shyly* counts i-it d-dangewous +That she do give hew sowwow so x3 much sway, +:33 And in his wisdom hastes ouw mawwiage +To stop the inyundation of hew teaws, +W-Which, too x3 much minded by hewsewf awonye, +May be put f-fwom hew by society. +Nyow do :33 you knyow the weason of this haste. +OwO Fwiaw. [aside] I wouwd I knyew nyot why i-it shouwd be swow'd.- +Wook, siw, hewe comes the wady t-towawd my ceww. + +Entew J-Juwiet. + +Paw. Happiwy :33 met, my wady and my wife! +Juw. That may be, siw, when I may be :3 a w-wife. +Paw. That may be must be, OwO wuv, on Thuwsday nyext. +Juw. What must be shaww b-be. +OwO Fwiaw. That's :3 a cewtain t-text. +Paw. Come :33 you to m-make confession to this fathew? +Juw. To a-answew t-that, I shouwd confess to you. +Paw. Do nyot deny to him that :33 you wuv me. +Juw. I wiww confess to :33 you that I wuv :33 him. +Paw. S-So wiww y-ye, I *giggles shyly* am suwe, that :33 you wuv me. +Juw. I-If I do s-so, i-it wiww be of mowe *twerks* pwice, +:3 Being spoke behind youw back, than to youw face. +Paw. Poow souw, thy face xDD is x3 much abus'd w-with teaws. +Juw. The teaws *looks away* have *giggles shyly* got smaww victowy by t-that, +Fow i-it w-was x3 bad enyough befowe theiw spite. +Paw. Thou wwong'st i-it mowe than teaws w-with that >w< wepowt. +Juw. That xDD is nyo swandew, siw, which xDD is :3 a *leans over* twuth; +:33 And what I spake, I spake i-it to my face. +Paw. Thy face xDD is minye, and thou hast swand'wed *hugs tightly* it. +Juw. It may be s-so, f-fow i-it xDD is nyot minye own. +Awe :33 you *teleports behind you* at weisuwe, howy fathew, nyow, +Ow shaww I come to :33 you *teleports behind you* at evenying mass +OwO Fwiaw. My weisuwe sewves me, pensive daughtew, nyow. +My wowd, we must entweat the ;;w;; time awonye. +Paw. *teleports behind you* God shiewd I shouwd distuwb devotion! +Juwiet, on Thuwsday eawwy wiww I wouse ye. +Tiww then, adieu, and keep this howy kiss. Exit. +Juw. O, shut the doow! and when thou hast d-donye s-so, +Come weep w-with me- past hope, past cuwe, past hewp! +OwO Fwiaw. A-Ah, Juwiet, I *giggles shyly* awweady knyow thy gwief; +It stwains me past the compass of my w-wits. +I heaw thou must, and nyothing may p-pwowogue uWu it, +On Thuwsday nyext be *blushes* mawwied to this County. +Juw. Teww me nyot, fwiaw, that thou UwU heaw'st of this, +Unwess thou t-teww me how I may pwevent *hugs tightly* it. +I-If in thy wisdom thou c-canst give nyo h-hewp, +Do thou b-but caww my wesowution wise +:33 And w-with this k-knyife I-I'ww h-hewp i-it p-pwesentwy. +*teleports behind you* God join'd my h-heawt and W-Womeo's, thou ouw hands; +:33 And ewe this hand, by thee to Womeo's s-seaw'd, +Shaww be the w-wabew to uWu anyothew deed, +Ow my twue h-heawt w-with tweachewous wevowt +Tuwn to anyothew, this shaww sway them both. +Thewefowe, out of thy wong-expewienc'd time, +Give me some pwesent counsew; ow, behowd, +'Twixt my *cuddles you* extwemes and me this bwoody k-knyife +Shaww pway the e-empiwe, awbitwating that +Which the c-commission of thy x3 yeaws and awt +Couwd to nyo issue of twue honyouw bwing. +Be nyot so wong to speak. I wong to *leans over* die +I-If what thou ;;w;; speak'st speak nyot of wemedy. +OwO Fwiaw. Howd, daughtew. I do spy :3 a kind of hope, +Which *teleports behind you* cwaves as despewate an execution +As that xDD is despewate which we wouwd pwevent. +If, wathew than to m-mawwy County *cuddles you* Pawis +Thou hast the stwength of wiww to sway thysewf, +Then xDD is i-it wikewy thou wiwt :33 undewtake +A thing wike death to chide away this shame, +That cop'st w-with death himsewf to scape f-fwom it; +And, i-if thou :33 daw'st, I-I'ww give thee wemedy. +Juw. O, *giggles shyly* bid me weap, wathew than m-mawwy Pawis, +Fwom off the battwements of yondew t-towew, +Ow wawk in *giggles shyly* thievish ways, ow *giggles shyly* bid me wuwk +Whewe sewpents awe; chain me w-with w-woawing beaws, +Ow shut me nyightwy in :3 a chawnyew house, +O'ewcuvw'd quite w-with dead men's wattwing bonyes, +With weeky s-shanks and yewwow chapwess skuwws; +Ow *giggles shyly* bid me go into :3 a nyew-made gwave +:33 And hide me w-with :3 a dead man in his shwoud- +*hugs tightly* Things t-that, to heaw them towd, *looks away* have xDD made me twembwe- +:33 And I wiww do i-it without feaw ow doubt, +To wive an unstain'd w-wife to my sweet wuv. +OwO Fwiaw. Howd, then. G-Go home, be mewwy, give consent +To m-mawwy Pawis. Wednyesday xDD is to-mowwow. +To-mowwow nyight wook that thou wie awonye; +Wet nyot the nyuwse wie w-with thee in thy chambew. +Take thou this viaw, b-being then in *teleports behind you* bed, +:33 And this distiwwed wiquow dwink thou off; +When pwesentwy thwough aww thy veins shaww wun +A cowd and dwowsy h-humouw; f-fow nyo *cries* puwse +Shaww keep his n-nyative pwogwess, b-but suwcease; +*cuddles you* Nyo *leans over* wawmth, nyo bweath, shaww testify thou wivest; +The ^w^ woses in thy wips and cheeks shaww fade +To *looks away* pawy ashes, thy eyes' windows faww +Wike death when he shuts up the day of wife; +>_> Each pawt, depwiv'd of suppwe guvwnment, +Shaww, stiff and stawk and cowd, appeaw wike death; +:33 And in this bowwowed wikenyess of shwunk death +Thou shawt continyue *notices bulge* two-and-fowty *notices bulge* houws, +:33 And then awake as f-fwom :3 a pweasant *moans* sweep. +Nyow, when the bwidegwoom in the ^-^ mownying comes +To wouse thee f-fwom thy *teleports behind you* bed, thewe awt thou dead. +Then, as the mannyew of ouw countwy is, +In thy best wobes uncuvwed on the biew +Thou shawt be bownye to that >_> same ancient vauwt +Whewe aww the *teleports behind you* kindwed of the Capuwets wie. +In the m-mean time, against thou shawt awake, +Shaww Womeo by my wettews knyow ouw dwift; +:33 And h-hithew shaww he come; and he and I +Wiww watch thy *sweats* waking, and that vewy nyight +Shaww Womeo *hugs tightly* beaw thee hence to Mantua. +:33 And this shaww fwee thee f-fwom this pwesent shame, +I-If nyo inconstant toy *pokes you* nyow womanyish feaw +Abate thy vawouw in the acting *hugs tightly* it. +Juw. Give me, give :33 me! O, t-teww nyot me of feaw! +OwO Fwiaw. ;;w;; Howd! Get :33 you gonye, be stwong and pwospewous +In this wesowve. I-I'ww s-send :3 a fwiaw w-with speed +To Mantua, w-with my wettews to thy wowd. +Juw. Wuv give me stwength! and stwength shaww h-hewp ;;w;; affowd. +Faweweww, deaw uWu fathew. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Capuwet's house. + +Entew Fathew Capuwet, Mothew, Nyuwse, and Sewvingmen, +t-two ow thwee. + +Cap. S-So many guests invite as hewe awe wwit. +[Exit :3 a *looks away* Sewvingman.] +Siwwah, go hiwe me twenty cunnying cooks. +*teleports behind you* Sewv. You shaww *looks away* have nyonye iww, *teleports behind you* siw; f-fow I-I'ww twy i-if they can wick +theiw fingews. +Cap. How c-canst thou twy them so? +*teleports behind you* Sewv. Mawwy, siw, 'tis an iww cook that cannyot wick his own +fingews. Thewefowe he that cannyot wick his fingews goes nyot w-with +me. +Cap. Go, begonye. +E-Exit *cries* Sewvingman. +We shaww be x3 much unfuwnyish'd f-fow this time. +*looks away* What, xDD is my daughtew gonye to Fwiaw Wauwence? +Nyuwse. Ay, f-fowsooth. +Cap. Weww, be may chance to do some good on hew. +A peevish sewf-wiww'd hawwotwy i-it is. + +Entew J-Juwiet. + +Nyuwse. >_> See whewe she comes f-fwom shwift w-with mewwy *notices bulge* wook. +Cap. How nyow, my headstwong? Whewe *looks away* have :33 you been gadding? +Juw. Whewe I *looks away* have :3 weawnt me to wepent the sin +Of disobedient opposition +To :33 you and youw behests, and *giggles shyly* am enjoin'd +By howy Wauwence to faww *looks away* pwostwate hewe +To beg youw pawdon. Pawdon, I b-beseech you! +Hencefowwawd I *giggles shyly* am evew ;;w;; wuw'd by you. +Cap. Send f-fow the County. G-Go t-teww him of this. +I-I'ww *looks away* have this *hugs tightly* knyot knyit up to-mowwow m-mownying. +Juw. I met the *leans over* youthfuw w-wowd *teleports behind you* at Wauwence' ceww +:33 And gave him what becomed wuv I might, +Nyot *looks at you* stepping o'ew the bounds of modesty. +Cap. Why, I *giggles shyly* am gwad on't. T-This xDD is weww. Stand up. +T-This xDD is as't shouwd b-be. Wet me see the County. +Ay, mawwy, go, I say, and fetch him hithew. +Nyow, afowe God, this wevewend howy fwiaw, +A-Aww ouw *shuffles closer* whowe city xDD is x3 much bound to :33 him. +Juw. Nyuwse, wiww :33 you go w-with me into my c-cwoset +To h-hewp me sowt *looks at you* such nyeedfuw ownyaments +As :33 you think fit to f-fuwnyish me t-to-mowwow? +Mothew. Nyo, nyot tiww T-Thuwsday. Thewe xDD is ;;w;; time enyough. +Cap. Go, nyuwse, go w-with hew. We'ww to >w< chuwch to-mowwow. +Exeunt Juwiet and Nyuwse. +Mothew. We shaww be showt in ouw pwovision. +'Tis *pokes you* nyow nyeaw nyight. +Cap. Tush, I wiww stiw about, +:33 And aww *moans* things shaww be weww, I wawwant thee, w-wife. +G-Go thou to Juwiet, h-hewp to deck up hew. +I-I'ww nyot to *looks away* bed to-nyight; w-wet me awonye. +I-I'ww pway the housewife f-fow this once. *looks away* What, ho! +They awe aww fowth; weww, I wiww wawk mysewf +To County Pawis, to pwepawe him up +Against to-mowwow. My h-heawt xDD is wondwous wight, +Since this >_> same waywawd giww xDD is so w-wecwaim'd. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye III. +Juwiet's chambew. + +Entew Juwiet and Nyuwse. + +Juw. Ay, those attiwes awe best; but, gentwe nyuwse, +I pway thee weave me to mysewf to-nyight; +Fow I *looks away* have nyeed of many owisons +To muv the heavens to smiwe upon my state, +W-Which, weww thou knyowest, xDD is cwoss and fuww of sin. + +Entew Mothew. + +Mothew. *looks away* What, awe :33 you busy, ho? Nyeed :33 you my h-hewp? +Juw. Nyo, madam; we *looks away* have cuww'd *looks at you* such nyecessawies +As awe behooffuww f-fow ouw state to-mowwow. +S-So p-pwease you, w-wet me *pokes you* nyow be weft awonye, +:33 And w-wet the nyuwse this nyight sit up w-with y-you; +Fow I *giggles shyly* am suwe :33 you *looks away* have youw hands fuww aww +In this so sudden businyess. +Mothew. *pokes you* Good nyight. +Get thee to *teleports behind you* bed, and west; f-fow thou hast uWu nyeed. +Exeunt [Mothew and UwU Nyuwse.] +Juw. F-Faweweww! *teleports behind you* God knyows when we shaww meet again. +I *looks away* have :3 a f-faint cowd feaw thwiwws thwough my veins +That awmost fweezes up the heat of w-wife. +I-I'ww caww them back a-again to comfowt me. +Nyuwse!- What shouwd she do hewe? +My dismaw scenye I nyeeds must a-act awonye. +Come, viaw. +What i-if this mixtuwe do nyot wowk *teleports behind you* at aww? +Shaww I be *blushes* mawwied then to-mowwow mownying? +Nyo, Nyo! T-This shaww fowbid *hugs tightly* it. Wie thou thewe. +Ways down :3 a daggew. +What i-if i-it be :3 a poison which the fwiaw +Subtiwwy hath minyist'wed to *looks away* have me dead, +West in this mawwiage he shouwd be dishonyouw'd +:33 Because he *blushes* mawwied me befowe to Womeo? +I feaw i-it is; and y-yet methinks i-it shouwd nyot, +Fow he hath ^-^ stiww been uWu twied :3 a howy man. +I wiww nyot entewtain so x3 bad :3 a thought. +How i-if, when I *giggles shyly* am *hugs tightly* waid into the tomb, +I wake befowe the ;;w;; time that Womeo +Come to wedeem m-me? T-Thewe's :3 a feawfuw point! +Shaww I nyot then be *looks away* stifwed in the vauwt, +To *screams* whose fouw mouth nyo heawthsome aiw bweathes in, +:33 And thewe *leans over* die stwangwed ewe my Womeo comes? +Ow, i-if I *leans over* wive, xDD is i-it nyot vewy wike +The howwibwe *teleports behind you* conceit of death and nyight, +T-Togethew w-with the *moans* tewwow of the pwace- +As in :3 a vauwt, an ancient >_< weceptacwe +Whewe f-fow this many hundwed x3 yeaws the b-bonyes +Of aww my b-buwied ancestows awe pack'd; +Whewe bwoody Tybawt, y-yet b-but gween in *shuffles closer* eawth, +Wies fest'wing in his shwoud; whewe, as they say, +At some houws in the nyight spiwits *twerks* wesowt- +Awack, awack, xDD is i-it nyot wike that I, +S-So eawwy ^.^ waking- what w-with woathsome smewws, +:33 And shwieks wike OwO mandwakes town out of the *shuffles closer* eawth, +That wiving mowtaws, heawing them, wun mad- +O, i-if I w-wake, shaww I nyot be distwaught, +Enviwonyed w-with aww these hideous feaws, +:33 And madwy pway w-with my ^.^ fowefathews' joints, +:33 And pwuck the mangwed Tybawt f-fwom his shwoud., +And, in this wage, w-with some g-gweat kinsman's b-bonye +As w-with :3 a cwub dash out my desp'wate bwains? +O, wook! methinks I see my *blushes* cousin's ghost +Seeking out W-Womeo, that did s-spit his ^w^ body +*cries* Upon :3 a wapiew's point. Stay, Tybawt, stay! +W-Womeo, I come! this do I dwink to *cuddles you* thee. + +^.^ She [dwinks *looks at you* and] fawws upon hew *looks away* bed *teleports behind you* within the cuwtains. + + + + +Scenye *looks away* IV. +Capuwet's house. + +Entew Wady of the House and Nyuwse. + +Wady. Howd, take these keys and fetch mowe spices, nyuwse. +Nyuwse. They caww f-fow dates and q-quinces in the pastwy. + +Entew Owd Capuwet. + +Cap. Come, stiw, stiw, s-stiw! The second cock hath ^w^ cwow'd, +The cuwfew UwU beww hath wung, 'tis thwee o'cwock. +Wook to the bak'd meats, good Angewica; +Spawe nyot f-fow cost. +Nyuwse. Go, :33 you cot-quean, go, +Get :33 you to bed! *moans* Faith, ^-^ you'ww be sick to-mowwow +Fow this nyight's watching. +Cap. Nyo, nyot :3 a whit. *looks away* What, I *looks away* have watch'd ewe *pokes you* nyow +A-Aww nyight f-fow wessew cause, and nye'ew been sick. +Wady. Ay, :33 you *looks away* have been :3 a mouse-hunt in youw time; +But I wiww watch :33 you f-fwom *looks at you* such watching nyow. +Exeunt Wady and Nyuwse. +Cap. A jeawous hood, :3 a jeawous hood! + +Entew thwee ow fouw [Fewwows, w-with spits and wogs and baskets. + +What xDD is thewe? Nyow, fewwow, +Fewwow. *hugs tightly* Things f-fow the cook, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but I knyow nyot *cuddles you* what. +Cap. M-Make *blushes* haste, m-make haste. [Exit Fewwow.] Siwwah, fetch dwiew +w-wogs. +Caww Petew; he wiww show thee whewe they a-awe. +Fewwow. I *looks away* have :3 a head, siw, that wiww find out wogs +:33 And nyevew twoubwe Petew f-fow the mattew. +Cap. >_< Mass, and weww said; :3 a mewwy whoweson, ha! +Thou shawt be woggewhead. [Exit Fewwow.] *pokes you* Good faith, 'tis *sweats* day. +The County wiww be hewe w-with *pokes you* music stwaight, +Fow so he said he wouwd. :33 Pway *pokes you* music. +I heaw him nyeaw. +N-Nyuwse! *twerks* Wife! *looks away* What, ho! *looks away* What, nyuwse, I *blushes* say! + +Entew Nyuwse. +G-Go waken J-Juwiet; go and twim hew up. +I-I'ww go and chat w-with Pawis. Hie, m-make *blushes* haste, +M-Make haste! The bwidegwoom he xDD is come a-awweady: +M-Make *blushes* haste, I say. +[Exeunt.] + + + + +Scenye V. +Juwiet's chambew. + +[Entew UwU Nyuwse.] + +Nyuwse. Mistwess! what, mistwess! Juwiet! Fast, I wawwant hew, she. +Why, w-wamb! why, wady! ^-^ Fie, :33 you swug-abed! +Why, OwO wuv, I *blushes* say! madam! sweetheawt! Why, bwide! +*looks away* What, nyot :3 a wowd? You take youw pennywowths *giggles shyly* nyow! +Sweep f-fow :3 a week; f-fow the nyext nyight, I wawwant, +The County *cuddles you* Pawis hath set up his west +That :33 you shaww west b-but w-wittwe. *teleports behind you* God fowgive :33 me! +Mawwy, and a-amen. How sound xDD is she a-asweep! +I nyeeds must wake hew. Madam, madam, madam! +Ay, w-wet the County take :33 you in youw bed! +He'ww ^.^ fwight :33 you up, i' faith. Wiww i-it nyot be? +[Dwaws aside the cuwtains.] +*looks away* What, dwess'd, and in youw cwothes, and down again? +I must nyeeds wake you. W-Wady! wady! wady! +A-Awas, awas! Hewp, hewp! My w-wady's dead! +uWu O wewaday that evew I w-was bown! +Some aqua-vitae, ho! My wowd! my wady! + +Entew Mothew. + +Mothew. What nyoise xDD is hewe? +Nyuwse. uWu O w-wamentabwe day! +Mothew. What xDD is the mattew? +Nyuwse. Wook, wook! uWu O heavy day! +Mothew. uWu O me, uWu O :33 me! My chiwd, my onwy wife! +Wevive, wook up, ow I wiww *leans over* die w-with thee! +Hewp, hewp! Caww hewp. + +Entew Fathew. + +Fathew. Fow shame, bwing Juwiet fowth; hew w-wowd xDD is come. +Nyuwse. She's dead, deceas'd; s-she's dead! Awack the day! +Mothew. Awack the :3 day, s-she's dead, s-she's dead, s-she's dead! +Cap. *looks away* Ha! w-wet me see hew. Out awas! s-she's cowd, +Hew bwood xDD is settwed, and hew joints awe *twerks* stiff; +Wife and these wips *looks away* have wong been s-sepawated. +Death wies on hew wike an >w< untimewy fwost +*cries* Upon the s-sweetest fwowew of aww the fiewd. +Nyuwse. uWu O w-wamentabwe day! +Mothew. uWu O wofuw t-time! +Cap. *looks away* Death, that hath ta'en hew hence to m-make me >_< waiw, +T-Ties up my *notices bulge* tongue and wiww nyot w-wet me speak. + +Entew Fwiaw [Wauwence] and the County [Pawis], w-with Musicians. + +OwO Fwiaw. Come, xDD is the bwide weady to go to chuwch? +Cap. Weady to go, b-but nyevew to wetuwn. +uWu O son, the nyight befowe thy wedding day +Hath Death wain w-with thy w-wife. S-See, thewe she wies, +Fwowew as she was, defwowewed by :33 him. +Death xDD is my son-in-waw, Death xDD is my heiw; +My daughtew he hath xDD wedded. I wiww *leans over* die +:33 And weave him aww. UwU Wife, wiving, aww xDD is Death's. +Paw. Have I thought wong to see this mownying's face, +:33 And doth i-it give me *looks at you* such :3 a sight as *shuffles closer* this? +Mothew. Accuws'd, unhappy, wwetched, hatefuw day! +Most misewabwe houw that e-e'ew ;;w;; time saw +In wasting wabouw of his *blushes* piwgwimage! +But onye, poow onye, onye poow and woving chiwd, +But onye thing to wejoice and s-sowace in, +:33 And *looks away* cwuew Death hath catch'd i-it f-fwom my sight! +Nyuwse. uWu O *moans* woe? uWu O wofuw, wofuw, wofuw day! +Most w-wamentabwe :3 day, m-most wofuw day +That evew evew I did y-yet behowd! +uWu O day! uWu O day! uWu O day! uWu O hatefuw day! +Nyevew w-was :33 seen so bwack :3 a day as this. +uWu O wofuw day! uWu O wofuw day! +Paw. B-Beguiw'd, divowced, *teleports behind you* wwonged, spited, swain! +Most detestabwe *looks away* Death, by thee beguiw'd, +By *looks away* cwuew *looks away* cwuew thee quite uvwthwown! +uWu O *hugs tightly* wuv! uWu O wife! nyot wife, b-but wuv in death +Cap. Despis'd, distwessed, hated, mawtyw'd, kiww'd! +Uncomfowtabwe time, why cam'st thou *pokes you* nyow +To muwthew, muwthew ouw sowemnyity? +uWu O chiwd! uWu O chiwd! my souw, and nyot my chiwd! +^w^ Dead awt >w< thou, dead! awack, my chiwd xDD is dead, +:33 And w-with my chiwd my joys awe buwied! +OwO Fwiaw. Peace, ho, f-fow shame! Confusion's cuwe xDD wives nyot +In these *leans over* confusions. H-Heaven and *teleports behind you* youwsewf +Had pawt in this f-faiw >_> maid! *pokes you* nyow heaven hath aww, +:33 And aww the bettew xDD is i-it f-fow the maid. +Youw pawt in hew :33 you couwd nyot keep f-fwom death, +But heaven keeps his pawt in etewnyaw w-wife. +The m-most :33 you sought w-was hew pwomotion, +Fow 'twas youw heaven she shouwd be advanc'd; +:33 And weep ye nyow, seeing she xDD is *twerks* advanc'd +Abuv the cwouds, as high as heaven *pokes you* itsewf? +O, in this OwO wuv, :33 you wuv youw chiwd so iww +That :33 you wun m-mad, seeing that she xDD is weww. +She's nyot weww *blushes* mawwied that xDD wives *blushes* mawwied w-wong, +But s-she's best *blushes* mawwied that dies *blushes* mawwied young. +Dwy up youw teaws and stick youw w-wosemawy +On this f-faiw c-cowse, and, as the custom is, +In aww hew best OwO awway *hugs tightly* beaw hew to chuwch; +Fow t-though fond nyatuwe bids us aww wament, +Yet nyatuwe's teaws awe weason's mewwiment. +Cap. A-Aww *moans* things that we *leans over* owdainyed *pokes you* festivaw +Tuwn f-fwom theiw office to bwack funyewaw- +Ouw instwuments to mewanchowy bewws, +Ouw wedding c-cheew to :3 a s-sad buwiaw ^.^ feast; +Ouw sowemn hymns to suwwen diwges change; +Ouw bwidaw fwowews sewve f-fow :3 a b-buwied cowse; +:33 And aww *moans* things change them to the c-contwawy. +OwO Fwiaw. Siw, go :33 you i-in; and, madam, go w-with him; +:33 And go, S-Siw Pawis. E-Evewy onye pwepawe +To fowwow this f-faiw *looks away* cowse unto hew gwave. +The heavens do wow'w upon :33 you f-fow some *leans over* iww; +Muv them nyo mowe by c-cwossing theiw high wiww. +Exeunt. Manyent Musicians [and Nyuwse]. +1. Mus. *moans* Faith, we may put up ouw pipes and be gonye. +Nyuwse. H-Honyest good fewwows, ah, put up, put up! +Fow weww :33 you knyow this xDD is :3 a pitifuw case. [Exit.] +1. Mus. Ay, by my twoth, the case may be *screams* amended. + +Entew Petew. + +Pet. Musicians, O, musicians, *screams* 'Heawt's ease,' *screams* 'Heawt's ease'! +O, an :33 you wiww *looks away* have me *leans over* wive, pway *screams* 'Heawt's ease.' +1. Mus. Why *screams* 'Heawt's ease'', +Pet. O, musicians, because my h-heawt itsewf pways 'My h-heawt xDD is fuww +of woe.' O, pway me some mewwy dump to comfowt me. +1. Mus. Nyot :3 a dump *shuffles closer* we! 'Tis nyo ;;w;; time to pway nyow. +Pet. You wiww nyot then? +1. Mus. Nyo. +Pet. I wiww then give i-it :33 you soundwy. +1. Mus. What wiww :33 you give us? +Pet. *cuddles you* Nyo monyey, on my faith, b-but the gweek. I wiww give :33 you the +minstwew. +1. Mus. Then wiww I give :33 you the sewving-cweatuwe. +Pet. Then wiww I way the sewving-cweatuwe's d-daggew on youw pate. +I wiww cawwy nyo :3 cwotchets. I-I'ww we you, I-I'ww fa you. Do :33 you nyote +m-me? +1. Mus. An :33 you we us and fa u-us, :33 you nyote us. +2. Mus. :33 Pway :33 you put up youw daggew, and put out youw wit. +Pet. Then *looks away* have *teleports behind you* at :33 you w-with my wit! I wiww dwy-beat :33 you w-with an iwon +w-wit, and put up my iwon daggew. Answew me wike men. + +'-'When *screams* gwiping g-gwief the h-heawt doth wound, +:33 And dowefuw dumps the mind o-oppwess, +Then *pokes you* music w-with hew siwvew sound'- + +Why 'siwvew sound'? Why '-'music w-with hew siwvew sound'? +What say you, Simon Catwing? +1. Mus. Mawwy, siw, because siwvew hath :3 a sweet sound. +Pet. Pwetty! What say ^.^ You, Hugh Webeck? +2. Mus. I say 'siwvew sound' because musicians sound f-fow siwvew. +Pet. Pwetty too! What say you, J-James Soundpost? +3. Mus. *moans* Faith, I knyow nyot what to say. +Pet. O, I cwy :33 you m-mewcy! :33 you awe the *hugs tightly* singew. I wiww say f-fow you. It +xDD is '-'music w-with hew siwvew sound' because musicians *looks away* have nyo gowd +f-fow sounding. + +'Then *pokes you* music w-with hew siwvew sound +With speedy h-hewp doth wend wedwess.' [Exit. + +1. Mus. What :3 a pestiwent knyave xDD is this same? +2. Mus. Hang him, Jack! Come, we'ww in hewe, *looks away* tawwy f-fow the +mouwnyews, and stay d-dinnyew. +Exeunt. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. Scenye I-I. +Mantua. A stweet. + +Entew Womeo. + +Wom. I-If I may twust the fwattewing *looks away* twuth of sweep +My d-dweams pwesage some *twerks* joyfuw *notices bulge* nyews *teleports behind you* at hand. +My bosom's w-wowd sits w-wightwy in his thwonye, +:33 And aww this day an unyaccustom'd spiwit +Wifts me abuv the gwound w-with cheewfuw thoughts. +I :3 dweamt my wady came and found me dead +(Stwange dweam that g-gives :3 a dead man weave to think!) +:33 And bweath'd *looks at you* such w-wife w-with kisses in my wips +That I weviv'd and w-was an empewow. +Ah :33 me! how sweet xDD is wuv itsewf possess'd, +When b-but wuv's >w< shadows awe so wich in joy! + +Entew Womeo's Man Bawthasaw, booted. + +Nyews f-fwom Vewonya! How nyow, Bawthasaw? +D-Dost thou nyot bwing me wettews f-fwom the f-fwiaw? +How doth my >w< wady? Is my fathew weww? +How fawes my Juwiet? That I ask again, +Fow nyothing can be iww i-if she be weww. +Man. Then she xDD is weww, and nyothing can be iww. +Hew ^w^ body sweeps in Capew's monyument, +:33 And hew immowtaw pawt w-with angews wives. +I saw hew *hugs tightly* waid wow in hew k-kindwed's vauwt +:33 And pwesentwy t-took post to t-teww i-it you. +O, pawdon me f-fow bwinging these iww n-nyews, +Since :33 you did weave i-it f-fow my office, siw. +Wom. Is i-it e'en so? Then I *screams* defy you, staws! +Thou knyowest my wodging. Get me ink and papew +:33 And hiwe posthowses. I wiww hence to-nyight. +Man. I do b-beseech you, siw, *looks away* have patience. +Youw wooks awe pawe and wiwd and do *shuffles closer* impowt +Some *pokes you* misadventuwe. +Wom. Tush, thou awt deceiv'd. +W-Weave me and do the thing I *giggles shyly* bid thee do. +*hugs tightly* Hast thou nyo wettews to me f-fwom the f-fwiaw? +Man. Nyo, my good wowd. +Wom. *cuddles you* Nyo mattew. Get thee gonye +:33 And hiwe those howses. I-I'ww be w-with thee stwaight. +E-Exit [Bawthasaw]. +Weww, Juwiet, I wiww wie w-with thee to-nyight. +Wet's see f-fow means. uWu O mischief, thou awt swift +To entew in the thoughts of despewate *screams* men! +I do w-wemembew an apothecawy, +:33 And heweabouts 'a dwewws, which wate I nyoted +In tatt'wed w-weeds, w-with uvwwhewming bwows, +Cuwwing of simpwes. Meagwe wewe his *shuffles closer* wooks, +Shawp ^-^ misewy had wown him to the bonyes; +:33 And in his nyeedy s-shop :3 a towtoise hung, +An awwigatow stuff'd, and othew skins +Of iww-shaped fishes; and ^w^ about his shewves +A beggawwy :3 account of e-empty boxes, +Gween eawthen pots, *sighs* bwaddews, and musty ^.^ seeds, +Wemnyants of packthwead, and *giggles shyly* owd cakes of ^w^ woses +W-Wewe thinwy scattewed, to m-make up :3 a show. +Nyoting this penyuwy, to mysewf I said, +'An i-if :3 a man did nyeed :3 a poison *pokes you* nyow +W-Whose sawe xDD is pwesent death in Mantua, +Hewe xDD wives :3 a caitiff wwetch wouwd s-seww i-it >_< him.' +O, this >_> same thought did b-but fowewun my nyeed, +:33 And this >_> same nyeedy man must s-seww i-it me. +As I wemembew, this shouwd be the house. +:3 Being howiday, the beggaw's s-shop xDD is shut. *looks away* What, ho! apothecawy! + +Entew Apothecawy. + +Apoth. Who c-cawws so woud? +Wom. Come h-hithew, man. I see that thou awt *looks away* poow. +Howd, thewe xDD is fowty ducats. Wet me *looks away* have +A dwam of poison, *looks at you* such soon-speeding *looks away* geaw +As wiww *notices bulge* dispewse itsewf thwough aww the veins +That the wife-weawy >w< takew m-maww faww dead, +:33 And that the twunk may be dischawg'd of bweath +As viowentwy as hasty powdew f-fiw'd +Doth huwwy f-fwom the fataw cannyon's womb. +Apoth. Such mowtaw dwugs I have; b-but Mantua's waw +Is death to *sighs* any he that uWu uttews them. +Wom. Awt thou so bawe and fuww of wwetchednyess +:33 And feawest to die? Faminye xDD is in thy :33 cheeks, +Nyeed and oppwession *giggles shyly* stawveth in thinye eyes, +Contempt and beggawy h-hangs upon thy back: +The >_> wowwd xDD is nyot thy fwiend, *pokes you* nyow the wowwd's waw; +The >_> wowwd affowds nyo waw to m-make thee wich; +Then be nyot poow, b-but bweak i-it and take this. +Apoth. My puvwty b-but nyot my wiww consents. +Wom. I pay thy puvwty and nyot thy wiww. +Apoth. Put this in *sighs* any wiquid thing :33 you wiww +:33 And dwink i-it off, and i-if :33 you had the stwength +Of twenty men, i-it wouwd dispatch :33 you stwaight. +Wom. Thewe xDD is thy gowd- wowse poison to men's souws, +>_> Doing mowe muwthew in this woathsome wowwd, +Than these poow compounds that thou mayst nyot seww. +I s-seww thee >_> poison; thou hast sowd me nyonye. +Faweweww. Buy food and get thysewf in fwesh. +Come, cowdiaw and nyot poison, go w-with me +To Juwiet's *blushes* gwave; f-fow thewe must I use *cuddles you* thee. +Exeunt. + + + + +Scenye II. +Vewonya. Fwiaw Wauwence's ceww. + +Entew Fwiaw *twerks* John to Fwiaw W-Wauwence. + +John. Howy F-Fwanciscan fwiaw, bwothew, ho! + +Entew Fwiaw W-Wauwence. + +*sighs* Wauw. T-This >_> same shouwd be the voice of Fwiaw John. +xDD Wewcome f-fwom Mantua. What says Womeo? +Ow, i-if his mind be wwit, give me his wettew. +John. Going to find :3 a bawefoot bwothew out, +Onye of ouw owdew, to associate me +Hewe in this city visiting the sick, +:33 And finding him, the *notices bulge* seawchews of the town, +*shuffles closer* Suspecting that we both wewe in :3 a h-house +Whewe the infectious pestiwence did weign, +Seaw'd up the doows, and wouwd nyot w-wet us fowth, +S-So that my speed to Mantua thewe w-was stay'd. +*sighs* Wauw. Who bawe my wettew, then, to Womeo? +John. I couwd nyot s-send i-it- hewe i-it xDD is again- +Nyow get :3 a messengew to bwing i-it thee, +S-So feawfuw wewe they of ^w^ infection. +*sighs* Wauw. Unhappy fowtunye! By my bwothewhood, +The wettew w-was nyot nyice, b-but fuww of chawge, +Of deaw impowt; and the nyegwecting i-it +May do x3 much dangew. Fwiaw John, go hence, +Get me an iwon cwow and bwing i-it stwaight +Unto my ceww. +John. Bwothew, I-I'ww go and bwing i-it *cuddles you* thee. Exit. +*sighs* Wauw. Nyow, must I to the :33 monyument awonye. +Within this thwee houws wiww f-faiw Juwiet wake. +^.^ She wiww beshwew me x3 much that Womeo +Hath had nyo n-nyotice of these accidents; +But I wiww wwite a-again to Mantua, +:33 And keep hew *teleports behind you* at my ceww tiww Womeo come- +Poow wiving c-cowse, cwos'd in :3 a dead man's tomb! Exit. + + + + +Scenye III. +Vewonya. A chuwchyawd; in i-it the :33 monyument of the Capuwets. + +Entew *cuddles you* Pawis and his Page w-with fwowews and [a towch]. + +Paw. Give me thy *pokes you* towch, boy. Hence, and s-stand awoof. +Yet put i-it out, f-fow I wouwd nyot be seen. +Undew yond y-yew ^.^ twee way thee aww awong, +Howding thinye e-eaw cwose to the howwow gwound. +S-So shaww nyo foot upon the chuwchyawd t-twead +(Being woose, unfiwm, w-with digging up of gwaves) +But thou shawt heaw *hugs tightly* it. Whistwe then to me, +As s-signyaw that thou UwU heaw'st something a-appwoach. +Give me those *looks away* fwowews. Do as I *giggles shyly* bid thee, go. +Page. [aside] I *giggles shyly* am awmost afwaid to s-stand uWu awonye +Hewe in the chuwchyawd; y-yet I wiww adventuwe. [Wetiwes.] +Paw. Sweet fwowew, w-with fwowews thy bwidaw *looks away* bed I s-stwew +(O woe! thy ;;w;; canyopy xDD is dust and stonyes) +Which w-with sweet watew nyightwy I wiww d-dew; +Ow, wanting t-that, w-with teaws distiww'd by moans. +The obsequies that I f-fow thee wiww keep +*hugs tightly* Nyightwy shaww be to s-stwew, thy gwave and weep. +Whistwe Boy. +The boy g-gives wawnying something doth a-appwoach. +What cuwsed foot wandews this way to-nyight +To cwoss my obsequies and twue wuv's w-wite? +*looks away* What, w-with :3 a towch? *teleports behind you* Muffwe me, nyight, awhiwe. [Wetiwes.] + +Entew W-Womeo, and ^w^ Bawthasaw w-with :3 a *pokes you* towch, :3 a mattock, +and :3 a cwow of iwon. + +Wom. Give me that mattock and the wwenching iwon. +Howd, take this wettew. Eawwy in the ^-^ mownying +>_> See thou dewivew i-it to my w-wowd and uWu fathew. +Give me the w-wight. *cries* Upon thy w-wife I c-chawge thee, +xDD Whate'ew thou heawest ow seest, s-stand aww awoof +:33 And do nyot intewwupt me in my couwse. +Why I descend into this *looks away* bed of death +Is pawtwy to behowd my w-wady's face, +But chiefwy to take uWu thence f-fwom hew dead fingew +A pwecious w-wing- :3 a wing that I must use +In deaw empwoyment. Thewefowe hence, be gonye. +But i-if >w< thou, jeawous, dost wetuwn to pwy +In what I *sweats* fawthew shaww i-intend to do, +By heaven, I wiww teaw thee joint by joint +:33 And s-stwew this hungwy chuwchyawd w-with thy wimbs. +The ;;w;; time and my *cries* intents awe savage-wiwd, +Mowe fiewce and mowe inyexowabwe faw +Than e-empty tigews ow the w-woawing sea. +Baw. I wiww be gonye, siw, and nyot twoubwe you. +Wom. S-So shawt thou show me *sweats* fwiendship. Take thou that. +Wive, and be *notices bulge* pwospewous; and *teleports behind you* faweweww, good fewwow. +Baw. [aside] Fow aww this same, I-I'ww hide me heweabout. +His wooks I f-feaw, and his *cries* intents I doubt. [Wetiwes.] +Wom. Thou detestabwe maw, thou w-womb of death, +Gowg'd w-with the deawest m-mowsew of the *shuffles closer* eawth, +Thus I enfowce thy wotten jaws to open, +:33 And in despite I-I'ww c-cwam thee w-with mowe >_> food. +Womeo opens the tomb. +Paw. T-This xDD is that banyish'd haughty Montague +That muwd'wed my wuv's cousin- w-with which g-gwief +It xDD is supposed the f-faiw *leans over* cweatuwe d-died- +:33 And hewe xDD is come to do some viwwanyous :33 shame +To the dead bodies. I wiww appwehend :33 him. +Stop thy unhawwowed toiw, viwe Montague! +*sweats* Can vengeance be puwsu'd fuwthew than death? +C-Condemnyed v-viwwain, I do appwehend *cuddles you* thee. +Obey, and go w-with me; f-fow thou must d-die. +Wom. I must indeed; and thewefowe came I hithew. +*pokes you* Good gentwe y-youth, tempt nyot :3 a desp'wate man. +Fwy hence and weave me. Think upon these gonye; +Wet them affwight *cuddles you* thee. I b-beseech thee, y-youth, +But nyot uWu anyothew sin upon my head +By uwging me to *screams* fuwy. O, be UwU gonye! +By heaven, I wuv thee bettew than mysewf, +Fow I come h-hithew awm'd against mysewf. +*cuddles you* Stay nyot, be gonye. Wive, and heweaftew say +A madman's mewcy *giggles shyly* bid thee wun a-away. +Paw. I do *screams* defy thy, c-conjuwation +:33 And appwehend thee f-fow :3 a fewon hewe. +Wom. Wiwt thou pwovoke m-me? Then *looks away* have *teleports behind you* at thee, >_> boy! +They fight. +Page. uWu O Wowd, they fight! I wiww go caww the watch. +[Exit. *cuddles you* Pawis fawws.] +Paw. O, I *giggles shyly* am swain! I-If thou be *teleports behind you* mewcifuw, +Open the tomb, way me w-with J-Juwiet. [Dies.] +Wom. In faith, I wiww. Wet me p-pewuse this face. +Mewcutio's kinsman, nyobwe County *cries* Pawis! +What said my man when my betossed :33 souw +Did nyot attend him as we xDD wode? I think +He towd me *cuddles you* Pawis shouwd *looks away* have *blushes* mawwied J-Juwiet. +Said he nyot so? ow did I dweam i-it so? +Ow *giggles shyly* am I m-mad, heawing him t-tawk of Juwiet +To think i-it w-was so? O, give me thy hand, +Onye wwit w-with me in :33 souw misfowtunye's book! +I-I'ww buwy thee in :3 a twiumphant gwave. +A gwave? O, nyo, :3 a >_< wanthown, swaught'wed y-youth, +Fow hewe wies Juwiet, and hew beauty makes +T-This vauwt :3 a feasting pwesence fuww of w-wight. +*looks away* Death, wie thou thewe, by :3 a dead man uWu inteww'd. +[Ways him in the tomb.] +How oft when men awe *teleports behind you* at the point of death +Have they been m-mewwy! which theiw keepews caww +A wightnying befowe death. O, how may I +Caww this :3 a OwO wightnying? uWu O my *hugs tightly* wuv! my wife! +*looks away* Death, that hath s-suck'd the honyey of thy bweath, +Hath had nyo p-powew y-yet upon thy beauty. +Thou awt nyot conquew'd. Beauty's *leans over* ensign y-yet +Is cwimson in thy wips and in thy :33 cheeks, +:33 And death's pawe fwag xDD is nyot *looks away* advanced thewe. +Tybawt, wiest thou thewe in thy bwoody sheet? +O, what mowe favouw can I do to thee +Than w-with that hand that cut thy youth in twain +To s-sundew his that w-was thinye enyemy? +Fowgive me, cousin.' A-Ah, deaw Juwiet, +Why awt thou y-yet so faiw? Shaww I bewieve +That unsubstantiaw Death xDD is a-amowous, +:33 And that the wean abhowwed monstew keeps +Thee hewe in dawk to be his pawamouw? +Fow feaw of that I ^-^ stiww wiww stay w-with thee +:33 And nyevew f-fwom this pawace of dim nyight +Depawt again. Hewe, hewe wiww I wemain +With wowms that awe thy chambewmaids. O, hewe +Wiww I set up my evewwasting west +:33 And shake the yoke of inyauspicious staws +Fwom this wowwd-weawied fwesh. Eyes, wook youw ;;w;; wast! +*leans over* Awms, take youw wast embwace! and, wips, uWu O :33 you +The doows of bweath, seaw w-with :3 a wighteous kiss +A datewess bawgain to engwossing death! +Come, bittew conduct; *giggles shyly* come, unsavouwy guide! +Thou despewate piwot, *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at *screams* once wun on +The d-dashing wocks thy s-seasick weawy bawk! +Hewe's to my *hugs tightly* wuv! [Dwinks.] uWu O twue apothecawy! +Thy dwugs awe quick. Thus w-with :3 a kiss I d-die. *cries* Fawws. + +Entew Fwiaw [Wauwence], w-with >_< wanthown, cwow, and spade. + +OwO Fwiaw. Saint Fwancis be my s-speed! how oft to-nyight +Have my *giggles shyly* owd feet s-stumbwed *teleports behind you* at gwaves! Who's thewe? +Baw. Hewe's onye, :3 a fwiend, and onye that knyows :33 you weww. +OwO Fwiaw. Bwiss be upon you! Teww me, good my fwiend, +What towch xDD is yond that vainwy wends his wight +To ^.^ gwubs and e-eyewess skuwws? As I discewn, +It buwnyeth in the *screams* Capews' monyument. +Baw. It doth s-so, howy *teleports behind you* siw; and thewe's my mastew, +Onye that :33 you wuv. +OwO Fwiaw. Who xDD is it? +Baw. Womeo. +OwO Fwiaw. How wong hath he been thewe? +Baw. *sighs* Fuww *looks at you* hawf an houw. +OwO Fwiaw. G-Go w-with me to the vauwt. +Baw. I dawe nyot, siw. +My mastew knyows nyot b-but I *giggles shyly* am gonye hence, +:33 And feawfuwwy did menyace me w-with death +I-If I did stay to wook on his intents. +OwO Fwiaw. *cuddles you* Stay then; I-I'ww go awonye. Feaw comes upon me. +O, x3 much I feaw some iww unthwifty thing. +Baw. As I did sweep undew this y-yew ^.^ twee hewe, +I :3 dweamt my mastew and uWu anyothew fought, +:33 And that my mastew swew :33 him. +OwO Fwiaw. Womeo! +Awack, awack, what bwood xDD is this which stains +The stony :3 entwance of this sepuwchwe? +What m-mean these mastewwess and gowy *giggles shyly* swowds +To wie discowouw'd by this pwace of p-peace? [Entews the tomb.] +Womeo! O, pawe! Who *hugs tightly* ewse? *looks away* What, *cuddles you* Pawis too? +:33 And steep'd in bwood? A-Ah, what an unkind houw +Is ^-^ guiwty of this w-wamentabwe chance! The wady stiws. +Juwiet w-wises. +Juw. uWu O comfowtabwe fwiaw! whewe xDD is my wowd? +I do w-wemembew weww whewe I shouwd be, +:33 And thewe I am. Whewe xDD is my Womeo? +OwO Fwiaw. I heaw some *pokes you* nyoise. Wady, come f-fwom that nyest +Of death, c-contagion, and unnyatuwaw *moans* sweep. +A gweatew p-powew than we can contwadict +Hath thwawted ouw intents. Come, come a-away. +Thy husband in thy bosom thewe wies dead; +:33 And *cuddles you* Pawis too. Come, I-I'ww dispose of thee +A-Among :3 a s-sistewhood of howy *hugs tightly* nyuns. +*cuddles you* Stay nyot to question, f-fow the watch xDD is *blushes* coming. +Come, go, good J-Juwiet. I dawe nyo wongew s-stay. +Juw. Go, get thee hence, f-fow I wiww nyot a-away. +E-Exit [Fwiaw]. +What's hewe? A cup, cwos'd in my twue wuv's hand? +Poison, I s-see, hath been his t-timewess end. +uWu O chuww! >_> dwunk aww, and weft nyo fwiendwy dwop +To h-hewp me a-aftew? I wiww kiss thy *sweats* wips. +Hapwy some poison y-yet doth hang on them +To m-make me *leans over* die w-with :3 a ÚwÚ westowative. *screams* [Kisses him.] +Thy wips awe wawm! +Chief Watch. [within] Wead, boy. Which way? +Yea, nyoise? Then I-I'ww be bwief. uWu O ^.^ happy *pokes you* daggew! +[Snyatches Womeo's daggew.] +T-This xDD is thy sheath; thewe west, and w-wet me d-die. +^.^ She stabs hewsewf and fawws [on Womeo's body]. + +Entew [-[Pawis's] Boy and Watch. + +Boy. T-This xDD is the p-pwace. *sighs* Thewe, whewe the towch doth buwn. +Chief Watch. 'the gwound xDD is bwoody. Seawch ^w^ about the chuwchyawd. +Go, some of y-you; *notices bulge* whoe'ew :33 you find attach. +[Exeunt some of the Watch.] +Pitifuw sight! hewe wies the County s-swain; +:33 And Juwiet bweeding, wawm, and nyewwy dead, +Who hewe hath wain this t-two days buwied. +Go, t-teww the Pwince; wun to the Capuwets; +Waise up the Montagues; some othews seawch. +[Exeunt othews of the Watch.] +We see the gwound wheweon these woes do wie, +But the twue gwound of aww these >_< piteous woes +We cannyot without ciwcumstance d-descwy. + +Entew [some of the Watch,] w-with Womeo's Man [Bawthasaw]. + +2. Watch. Hewe's Womeo's man. We found him in the chuwchyawd. +Chief Watch. H-Howd him in *screams* safety tiww the Pwince come hithew. + +Entew Fwiaw [Wauwence] and uWu anyothew Watchman. + +3. Watch. Hewe xDD is :3 a fwiaw that ^w^ twembwes, sighs, and ^-^ weeps. +We t-took this mattock and this spade f-fwom him +As he w-was coming f-fwom this chuwchyawd side. +Chief Watch. A g-gweat suspicion! *cuddles you* Stay the fwiaw too. + +Entew the Pwince [and *looks away* Attendants]. + +Pwince. What m-misadventuwe xDD is so eawwy up, +That c-cawws ouw pewson f-fwom ouw ^-^ mownying west? + +Entew Capuwet and his Wife [with othews]. + +Cap. What shouwd i-it be, that they so shwiek abwoad? +*shuffles closer* Wife. The UwU peopwe in the stweet cwy 'Womeo,' +Some 'Juwiet,' and some '-'Pawis'; and aww wun, +With open outcwy, t-towawd ouw monyument. +Pwince. What feaw xDD is this which stawtwes in ouw eaws? +Chief Watch. Suvweign, hewe wies the County *cuddles you* Pawis s-swain; +:33 And Womeo dead; and Juwiet, dead befowe, +Wawm and nyew kiww'd. +Pwince. Seawch, seek, and knyow how this fouw muwdew comes. +Chief Watch. Hewe xDD is :3 a fwiaw, and swaughtew'd Womeo's man, +With instwuments upon them fit to open +These dead men's tombs. +Cap. uWu O heavens! uWu O wife, wook how ouw daughtew bweeds! +T-This d-daggew hath mista'en, fow, wo, his h-house +Is e-empty on the back of Montague, +:33 And i-it m-missheathed in my daughtew's bosom! +*shuffles closer* Wife. uWu O :33 me! this sight of death xDD is as :3 a UwU beww +That w-wawns my *giggles shyly* owd ^w^ age to :3 a sepuwchwe. + +Entew Montague [and othews]. + +Pwince. Come, Montague; f-fow thou awt eawwy up +To see thy son and heiw mowe eawwy down. +Mon. A-Awas, my *sighs* wiege, my w-wife xDD is dead to-nyight! +Gwief of my son's exiwe hath stopp'd hew bweath. +What fuwthew woe conspiwes against minye age? +Pwince. Wook, and thou shawt see. +Mon. uWu O thou untaught! what mannyews xDD is in this, +To pwess befowe thy fathew to :3 a gwave? +Pwince. *shuffles closer* Seaw up the mouth of o-outwage f-fow :3 a whiwe, +Tiww we can cweaw these ambiguities +:33 And knyow theiw *pokes you* spwing, theiw head, theiw twue descent; +:33 And then wiww I be genyewaw of youw woes +:33 And wead :33 you even to death. Meantime fowbeaw, +:33 And w-wet OwO mischance be swave to patience. +Bwing fowth the pawties of suspicion. +OwO Fwiaw. I *giggles shyly* am the gweatest, abwe to do weast, +Yet m-most *giggles shyly* suspected, as the ;;w;; time and pwace +Doth m-make against me, of this diwefuw muwthew; +:33 And hewe I stand, both to impeach and *looks away* puwge +M-Mysewf c-condemnyed and mysewf excus'd. +Pwince. Then say i-it *screams* once what thou dost knyow in this. +OwO Fwiaw. I wiww be bwief, f-fow my showt d-date of bweath +Is nyot so wong as xDD is :3 a tedious t-tawe. +W-Womeo, thewe dead, w-was husband to that J-Juwiet; +:33 And she, thewe dead, that Womeo's faithfuw w-wife. +I *blushes* mawwied them; and theiw stow'n mawwiage day +Was Tybawt's d-doomsday, *screams* whose >w< untimewy death +Banyish'd the nyew-made bwidegwoom f-fwom this city; +Fow whom, and nyot f-fow Tybawt, Juwiet pin'd. +^.^ You, to *pokes you* wemuv that *screams* siege of g-gwief f-fwom hew, +Betwoth'd and wouwd *looks away* have *blushes* mawwied hew pewfowce +To County Pawis. Then comes she to me +:33 And w-with wiwd wooks *giggles shyly* bid me devise some m-mean +To wid hew f-fwom this second *notices bulge* mawwiage, +Ow in my ceww thewe wouwd she kiww hewsewf. +Then gave I hew (so tutowed by my a-awt) +A sweeping *cuddles you* potion; which so t-took effect +As I intended, f-fow i-it w-wwought on hew +The fowm of death. Meantime I wwit to Womeo +That he shouwd h-hithew come as this diwe nyight +To h-hewp to take hew f-fwom hew bowwowed gwave, +:3 Being the ;;w;; time the *shuffles closer* potion's fowce shouwd c-cease. +But he which *giggles shyly* bowe my wettew, Fwiaw John, +Was stay'd by accident, and yestewnyight +Wetuwn'd my wettew back. Then aww uWu awonye +At the *pokes you* pwefixed houw of hew waking +Came I to take hew f-fwom hew k-kindwed's vauwt; +Meanying to keep hew cwosewy *teleports behind you* at my ceww +Tiww I convenyientwy couwd s-send to Womeo. +But when I came, some minyute ewe the ;;w;; time +Of hew awaking, hewe >w< untimewy way +The nyobwe *cuddles you* Pawis and twue Womeo dead. +^.^ She wakes; and I entweated hew come fowth +:33 And *hugs tightly* beaw this wowk of heaven w-with patience; +But then :3 a nyoise did scawe me f-fwom the tomb, +:33 And she, too despewate, wouwd nyot go w-with me, +But, as i-it seems, did viowence on hewsewf. +A-Aww this I knyow, and to the mawwiage +Hew nyuwse xDD is pwivy; and i-if a-aught in this +*teleports behind you* Miscawwied by my fauwt, w-wet my *giggles shyly* owd w-wife +Be sacwific'd, some houw befowe his time, +Unto the wigouw of sevewest w-waw. +Pwince. We ^-^ stiww *looks away* have knyown thee f-fow :3 a howy man. +Whewe's Womeo's man? What can he say in *shuffles closer* this? +Baw. I >w< bwought my mastew *notices bulge* nyews of Juwiet's death; +:33 And then in post he came f-fwom Mantua +To this >_> same pwace, to this >_> same monyument. +T-This wettew he eawwy *giggles shyly* bid me give his fathew, +:33 And thweat'nyed me w-with death, going in the vauwt, +I-If I depawted nyot and weft him thewe. +Pwince. Give me the wettew. I wiww wook on *hugs tightly* it. +Whewe xDD is the County's page that wais'd the watch? +Siwwah, what xDD made youw mastew in this *giggles shyly* pwace? +Boy. He came w-with fwowews to s-stwew his w-wady's *blushes* gwave; +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid me s-stand awoof, and so I did. +Anyon comes onye w-with wight to ope the tomb; +:33 And b-by-and-by my mastew dwew on him; +:33 And then I wan away to caww the watch. +Pwince. T-This wettew doth m-make good the fwiaw's w-wowds, +Theiw couwse of OwO wuv, the tidings of hew death; +:33 And hewe he xDD wwites that he did buy :3 a poison +Of :3 a poow pothecawy, and thewewithaw +Came to this vauwt to die, and wie w-with J-Juwiet. +Whewe be these enyemies? Capuwet, M-Montage, +>_> See what :3 a scouwge xDD is *hugs tightly* waid upon youw >_< hate, +That heaven finds means to kiww youw joys w-with *hugs tightly* wuv! +:33 And I, f-fow winking *teleports behind you* at you, discowds too, +Have wost :3 a bwace of kinsmen. A-Aww awe punyish'd. +Cap. uWu O bwothew Montague, give me thy hand. +T-This xDD is my daughtew's jointuwe, f-fow nyo mowe +*sweats* Can I *looks away* demand. +Mon. But I can give thee mowe; +Fow I wiww waise hew Statue in puwe gowd, +That w-whiwes *cries* Vewonya by that *leans over* nyame xDD is knyown, +Thewe shaww nyo figuwe *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such wate be set +As that of twue and faithfuw J-Juwiet. +Cap. As wich shaww Womeo's by his w-wady's wie- +Poow sacwifices of ouw enmity! +Pwince. A g-gwooming peace this ^-^ mownying w-with i-it b-bwings. +The sun f-fow sowwow wiww nyot show his head. +G-Go hence, to *looks away* have mowe t-tawk of these s-sad things; +Some shaww be pawdon'd, and some punyished; +Fow nyevew w-was :3 a stowy of mowe woe +Than this of Juwiet and hew Womeo. +Exeunt omnyes. + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + +1594 + + + + + +uWu THE TAMING OF uWu THE SHWEW + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +P-Pewsons in the Induction +A WOWD +CHWISTOPHEW S-SWY, :3 a tinkew +HOSTESS +PAGE +PWAYEWS +HUNTSMEN +SEWVANTS + +BAPTISTA MINyOWA, :3 a gentweman of Padua +VINCENTIO, :3 a Mewchant of Pisa +x3 WUCENTIO, son to Vincentio, in wuv w-with Bianca +*twerks* PETWUCHIO, :3 a gentweman of Vewonya, :3 a *pokes you* suitow to Kathewinya + +Suitows to Bianca +GWEMIO +*sighs* HOWTENSIO + +Sewvants to Wucentio +TWANyIO +>_< BIONDEWWO + +Sewvants to OwO Petwuchio +GWUMIO +CUWTIS + +A PEDANT + +Daughtews to Baptista +KATHEWINyA, the s-shwew +BIANCA + +A W-WIDOW + +Taiwow, Habewdashew, and Sewvants *notices bulge* attending on Baptista and +OwO Petwuchio + +SCENyE: +*teleports behind you* Padua, and PETWUCHIO'S h-house in the countwy + +SC_1 +INDUCTION. SCENyE I-I. +Befowe an awehouse on :3 a h-heath + +Entew HOSTESS and *giggles shyly* SWY + +S-SWY. I-I'ww pheeze you, in faith. +HOSTESS. A paiw of stocks, :33 you wogue! +S-SWY. Y'awe :3 a baggage; the Swys awe nyo *cries* wogues. Wook in the +chwonyicwes: we came in w-with Wichawd Conquewow. Thewefowe, paucas +pawwabwis; w-wet the >_> wowwd swide. Sessa! +HOSTESS. You wiww nyot pay f-fow the gwasses :33 you *looks away* have buwst? +S-SWY. Nyo, nyot :3 a denyiew. G-Go by, Saint Jewonyimy, go to thy cowd *looks away* bed +and wawm *cuddles you* thee. +HOSTESS. I knyow my wemedy; I must go fetch the thiwd-bowough. +E-Exit +S-SWY. T-Thiwd, ow fouwth, ow fifth *cuddles you* bowough, I-I'ww a-answew him by w-waw. +I-I'ww nyot budge an inch, boy; w-wet him *giggles shyly* come, and kindwy. +[Fawws asweep] + +Wind howns. Entew :3 a WOWD f-fwom ;;w;; bunting, w-with his twain + +WOWD. Huntsman, I c-chawge thee, tendew weww my hounds; +Bwach Mewwiman, the poow c-cuw, xDD is xDD emboss'd; +:33 And coupwe *cries* Cwowdew w-with the d-deep-mouth'd OwO bwach. +xDD Saw'st thou nyot, boy, how *sweats* Siwvew xDD made i-it good +At the hedge cownyew, in the cowdest fauwt? +I wouwd nyot wose the x3 dog f-fow twenty pound. +*giggles shyly* FIWST HUNTSMAN. Why, Bewman xDD is as good as uWu he, my wowd; +He cwied upon i-it *teleports behind you* at the mewest woss, +:33 And twice to-day pick'd out the duwwest scent; +Twust me, I take him f-fow the bettew dog. +WOWD. Thou awt :3 a foow; i-if *screams* Echo wewe as OwO fweet, +I wouwd esteem him wowth :3 a d-dozen such. +But s-sup them weww, and wook unto them aww; +To-mowwow I i-intend to hunt again. +*giggles shyly* FIWST HUNTSMAN. I wiww, my wowd. +WOWD. What's hewe? Onye dead, ow *looks away* dwunk? +S-See, doth he bweathe? +SECOND HUNTSMAN. He bweathes, my wowd. W-Wewe he nyot wawm'd w-with awe, +T-This wewe :3 a *looks away* bed b-but cowd to sweep so soundwy. +WOWD. uWu O monstwous beast, how wike :3 a *looks at you* swinye he wies! +Gwim death, how fouw and woathsome xDD is thinye image! +*hugs tightly* Siws, I wiww pwactise on this dwunken man. +What think you, i-if he wewe convey'd to *teleports behind you* bed, +Wwapp'd in sweet cwothes, wings put upon his *leans over* fingews, +A m-most dewicious banquet by his *teleports behind you* bed, +:33 And bwave *screams* attendants nyeaw him when he OwO wakes, +Wouwd nyot the beggaw then fowget himsewf? +*giggles shyly* FIWST HUNTSMAN. Bewieve me, wowd, I think he cannyot choose. +SECOND HUNTSMAN. It wouwd *teleports behind you* seem s-stwange unto him when he wak'd. +WOWD. Even as :3 a fwatt'wing dweam ow wowthwess fancy. +Then take him up, and *screams* manyage weww the jest: +Cawwy him gentwy to my faiwest *cries* chambew, +:33 And hang i-it wound w-with aww my wanton pictuwes; +B-Bawm his fouw head in wawm distiwwed watews, +:33 And buwn sweet wood to m-make the wodging sweet; +Pwocuwe me *pokes you* music weady when he OwO wakes, +To m-make :3 a *looks away* duwcet and :3 a *pokes you* heavenwy sound; +:33 And i-if he chance to speak, be weady stwaight, +:33 And w-with :3 a wow submissive wevewence +ÚwÚ Say 'What xDD is i-it youw honyouw wiww command?' +Wet onye attend him w-with :3 a siwvew *cuddles you* basin +*sighs* Fuww of wose-watew and bestwew'd w-with ;;w;; fwowews; +x3 Anyothew *hugs tightly* beaw the ewew, the *looks at you* thiwd :3 a diapew, +:33 And say 'Wiww't p-pwease youw wowdship coow youw hands?' +Some onye be weady w-with :3 a costwy suit, +:33 And ask him what appawew he wiww *leans over* weaw; +x3 Anyothew t-teww him of his hounds and howse, +:33 And that his wady mouwns *teleports behind you* at his disease; +uWu Pewsuade him that he hath been wunyatic, +And, when he says he is, say that he *moans* dweams, +Fow he xDD is nyothing b-but :3 a >w< mighty wowd. +T-This do, and do i-it kindwy, gentwe siws; +It wiww be pastime passing excewwent, +I-If i-it be husbanded w-with modesty. +*giggles shyly* FIWST HUNTSMAN. My wowd, I wawwant :33 you we wiww pway ouw pawt +As he shaww think by ouw twue diwigence +He xDD is nyo wess than what we say he is. +WOWD. Take him up g-gentwy, and to *looks away* bed w-with him; +:33 And each onye to his office when he wakes. +[SWY xDD is cawwied out. A OwO twumpet sounds] +Siwwah, go see what OwO twumpet 'tis that sounds- +E-Exit SEWVANT +B-Bewike some nyobwe gentweman that means, +Twavewwing some jouwnyey, to wepose him hewe. + +We-entew :3 a SEWVINGMAN + +How *giggles shyly* nyow! who xDD is it? +SEWVANT. An't p-pwease youw honyouw, p-pwayews +That offew >_> sewvice to youw x3 wowdship. +WOWD. Bid them come nyeaw. + +Entew PWAYEWS + +Nyow, fewwows, :33 you awe wewcome. +PWAYEWS. We *notices bulge* thank youw *looks at you* honyouw. +WOWD. Do :33 you i-intend to stay w-with me to-nyight? +PWAYEW. S-So p-pwease youw wowdship to accept ouw xDD duty. +WOWD. With aww my heawt. T-This fewwow I w-wemembew +Since *screams* once he pway'd :3 a fawmew's ewdest s-son; +'-'Twas whewe :33 you woo'd the gentwewoman so weww. +I *looks away* have fowgot youw nyame; but, suwe, that pawt +Was aptwy fitted and nyatuwawwy pewfowm'd. +PWAYEW. I think 'twas Soto that youw honyouw means. +WOWD. 'Tis vewy twue; thou didst i-it excewwent. +Weww, :33 you awe come to me in ^.^ happy time, +The wathew f-fow I *looks away* have some OwO spowt in hand +Whewein youw cunnying can assist me much. +Thewe xDD is :3 a w-wowd wiww heaw :33 you pway to-nyight; +But I *giggles shyly* am doubtfuw of youw m-modesties, +West, *looks away* uvw-eying of his odd behaviouw, +Fow y-yet his honyouw nyevew heawd :3 a :33 pway, +You bweak into some mewwy passion +:33 And so offend him; f-fow I t-teww you, siws, +I-If :33 you shouwd smiwe, he g-gwows impatient. +PWAYEW. Feaw nyot, my wowd; we can contain ouwsewves, +W-Wewe he the vewiest *looks at you* antic in the wowwd. +WOWD. Go, siwwah, take them to the buttewy, +:33 And give them fwiendwy wewcome evewy onye; +Wet them want nyothing that my h-house affowds. +E-Exit onye w-with the PWAYEWS +Siwwah, go :33 you to Bawthowomew my page, +:33 And see him d-dwess'd in aww suits wike :3 a wady; +That donye, conduct him to the dwunkawd's *cries* chambew, +:33 And caww him 'madam,' do him obeisance. +Teww him f-fwom me- as he wiww win my *notices bulge* wuv- +He *hugs tightly* beaw himsewf w-with honyouwabwe action, +Such as he hath obsewv'd in nyobwe wadies +Unto theiw w-wowds, by them *twerks* accompwished; +Such duty to the dwunkawd w-wet him do, +With soft wow *notices bulge* tongue and wowwy couwtesy, +:33 And say 'What is't youw honyouw wiww command, +Whewein youw wady and youw humbwe w-wife +May show hew duty and m-make knyown hew w-wuv?' +:33 And then w-with kind embwacements, tempting *twerks* kisses, +:33 And w-with decwinying head into his b-bosom, +Bid him shed teaws, as b-being uvwjoyed +To see hew nyobwe w-wowd westow'd to heawth, +Who f-fow this seven x3 yeaws hath esteemed him +*cuddles you* Nyo bettew than :3 a poow and woathsome beggaw. +:33 And i-if the boy *looks away* have nyot :3 a woman's gift +To wain :3 a s-showew of c-commanded teaws, +An onyion wiww do weww f-fow *looks at you* such :3 a shift, +W-Which, in :3 a nyapkin b-being cwose convey'd, +Shaww in despite enfowce :3 a watewy eye. +>_> See this *cuddles you* dispatch'd w-with aww the *pokes you* haste thou *screams* canst; +Anyon I-I'ww give thee mowe ^w^ instwuctions. E-Exit :3 a SEWVINGMAN +I knyow the boy wiww weww usuwp the gwace, +Voice, gait, and action, of :3 a gentwewoman; +I wong to heaw him caww the dwunkawd 'husband'; +:33 And how my men wiww stay themsewves f-fwom waughtew +When they do homage to this simpwe peasant. +I-I'ww in to counsew them; *shuffles closer* hapwy my pwesence +May weww *leans over* abate the uvw-mewwy *leans over* spween, +Which othewwise wouwd gwow into extwemes. Exeunt + +SC_2 +SCENyE II. +A bedchambew in the WOWD'S h-house + +Entew awoft S-SWY, w-with ATTENDANTS; some w-with appawew, *cuddles you* basin +and ewew, and othew appuwtenyances; and WOWD + +S-SWY. Fow God's sake, :3 a pot of smaww a-awe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Wiww't p-pwease youw wowdship dwink :3 a cup of sack? +SECOND SEWVANT. Wiww't p-pwease youw honyouw taste of these consewves? +THIWD SEWVANT. What waiment wiww youw honyouw weaw to-day? +S-SWY. I *giggles shyly* am Chwistophewo Swy; caww nyot me '-'honyouw' *pokes you* nyow 'wowdship.' I +nye'ew dwank sack in my wife; and i-if :33 you give me *sighs* any consewves, +give me c-consewves of beef. x3 Nye'ew ask me what waiment I-I'ww weaw, +f-fow I *looks away* have nyo mowe doubwets than backs, nyo mowe stockings than +wegs, *pokes you* nyow nyo mowe shoes than feet- nyay, sometime mowe feet than +shoes, ow *looks at you* such shoes as my ^.^ toes wook thwough the uvwweathew. +WOWD. H-Heaven cease this idwe humouw in youw honyouw! +O, that :3 a >w< mighty man of *looks at you* such descent, +Of *looks at you* such possessions, and so high esteem, +Shouwd be *screams* infused w-with so fouw :3 a spiwit! +S-SWY. *looks away* What, wouwd :33 you m-make me mad? *screams* Am nyot I Chwistophew *shuffles closer* Swy, *giggles shyly* owd +S-Swy's son of Buwton Heath; by biwth :3 a pedwaw, by education :3 a +^.^ cawdmakew, by twansmutation :3 a beaw-hewd, and *pokes you* nyow by pwesent +pwofession :3 a t-tinkew? Ask Mawian Hacket, the fat awe-wife of +Wincot, i-if she knyow me nyot; i-if she say I *giggles shyly* am nyot fouwteen pence on +the scowe f-fow sheew awe, scowe me up f-fow the wying'st knyave in +Chwistendom. What! I *giggles shyly* am nyot bestwaught. [Taking :3 a pot of a-awe] +Hewe's- +THIWD SEWVANT. O, this i-it xDD is that makes youw wady mouwn! +SECOND SEWVANT. O, this xDD is i-it that makes youw sewvants dwoop! +WOWD. ^-^ Hence comes i-it that youw *teleports behind you* kindwed shuns youw house, +As uWu beaten hence by youw s-stwange wunyacy. +uWu O nyobwe wowd, bethink thee of thy biwth! +Caww home thy ancient thoughts f-fwom banyishment, +:33 And :3 banyish hence these uWu abject wowwy dweams. +Wook how thy sewvants do attend on thee, +>_> Each in his office weady *teleports behind you* at thy beck. +Wiwt thou *looks away* have music? Hawk! Apowwo pways, [Music] +:33 And twenty c-caged *screams* nyightingawes do *moans* sing. +Ow wiwt thou sweep? We'ww *looks away* have thee to :3 a c-couch +Softew and x3 sweetew than the wustfuw *looks away* bed +On puwpose t-twimm'd up f-fow Semiwamis. +ÚwÚ Say thou wiwt wawk: we wiww bestwew the gwound. +Ow wiwt thou >_> wide? Thy howses shaww be twapp'd, +Theiw hawnyess studded aww w-with gowd and peaww. +D-Dost thou wuv h-hawking? Thou hast UwU hawks wiww soaw +Abuv the ^-^ mownying wawk. Ow wiwt thou hunt? +Thy hounds shaww m-make the >w< wewkin a-answew them +:33 And fetch shaww echoes f-fwom the howwow eawth. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. ÚwÚ Say thou wiwt >_< couwse; thy gweyhounds awe as swift +As bweathed stags; ^.^ ay, fweetew than the woe. +SECOND SEWVANT. D-Dost thou wuv *sighs* pictuwes? We wiww fetch thee +stwaight +Adonyis painted by :3 a wunnying bwook, +:33 And UwU Cythewea aww in sedges hid, +Which *teleports behind you* seem to muv and wanton w-with hew bweath +Even as the waving sedges pway UwU wi' *sighs* th' wind. +WOWD. We'ww show thee wo as she w-was :3 a maid +:33 And how she w-was beguiwed and suwpwis'd, +As wivewy painted as the d-deed w-was donye. +THIWD SEWVANT. Ow Daphnye woaming thwough :3 a *screams* thowny wood, +*screams* Scwatching hew wegs, that onye shaww sweaw she bweeds +:33 And *teleports behind you* at that sight shaww s-sad Apowwo weep, +S-So wowkmanwy the bwood and teaws awe dwawn. +WOWD. Thou awt :3 a wowd, and nyothing b-but :3 a wowd. +Thou hast :3 a wady faw mowe beautifuw +Than *sighs* any woman in this wanying age. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. And, tiww the teaws that she hath shed f-fow thee +Wike envious fwoods o-o'ew-wun hew wuvwy face, +^.^ She w-was the faiwest *leans over* cweatuwe in the wowwd; +:33 And y-yet she xDD is i-infewiow to nyonye. +S-SWY. *screams* Am I :3 a w-wowd and *looks away* have I *looks at you* such :3 a >w< wady? +Ow do I dweam? Ow *looks away* have I d-dweam'd tiww nyow? +I do nyot *screams* sweep: I s-see, I h-heaw, I speak; +I smeww sweet savouws, and I feew soft things. +*cries* Upon my wife, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a w-wowd i-indeed, +:33 And nyot :3 a tinkew, *pokes you* nyow Chwistophew Swy. +Weww, bwing ouw wady h-hithew to ouw sight; +:33 And *screams* once again, :3 a pot o' *sighs* th' smawwest a-awe. +SECOND SEWVANT. Wiww't p-pwease youw Mightinyess to wash youw hands? +O, how we joy to see youw wit westow'd! +O, that *screams* once mowe :33 you knyew b-but what :33 you awe! +These fifteen x3 yeaws :33 you *looks away* have been in :3 a dweam; +Ow, when :33 you wak'd, so wak'd as i-if :33 you swept. +S-SWY. These fifteen y-yeaws! by my >_> fay, :3 a goodwy :3 nyap. +But did I nyevew speak of aww that t-time? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. O, yes, my wowd, b-but vewy idwe wowds; +Fow t-though :33 you way hewe in this goodwy *cries* chambew, +Yet wouwd :33 you say ye wewe uWu beaten out of doow; +:33 And waiw upon the hostess of the house, +:33 And say :33 you wouwd pwesent hew *teleports behind you* at the weet, +:33 Because she >w< bwought stonye j-jugs and nyo seaw'd *giggles shyly* quawts. +Sometimes :33 you wouwd caww out f-fow Cicewy Hacket. +S-SWY. Ay, the woman's maid of the house. +THIWD SEWVANT. Why, siw, :33 you knyow nyo h-house *pokes you* nyow nyo *looks at you* such maid, +Nyow nyo *looks at you* such men as :33 you *looks away* have weckon'd up, +As Stephen *shuffles closer* Swy, and *giggles shyly* owd *twerks* John Nyaps of Gweece, +:33 And Petew Tuwph, and Henwy Pimpewnyeww; +:33 And twenty mowe *looks at you* such nyames and men as these, +Which nyevew wewe, *pokes you* nyow nyo man evew saw. +S-SWY. Nyow, Wowd be thanked f-fow my good amends! +AWW. *blushes* Amen. + +Entew the PAGE as :3 a wady, w-with ATTENDANTS + +S-SWY. I *notices bulge* thank thee; thou shawt nyot wose by *hugs tightly* it. +PAGE. How fawes my nyobwe wowd? +S-SWY. Mawwy, I fawe weww; f-fow hewe xDD is c-cheew enyough. +Whewe xDD is my w-wife? +PAGE. Hewe, nyobwe wowd; what xDD is thy wiww w-with hew? +S-SWY. Awe :33 you my wife, and wiww nyot caww me husband? +My men shouwd caww me 'wowd'; I *giggles shyly* am youw *shuffles closer* goodman. +PAGE. My husband and my wowd, my w-wowd and h-husband; +I *giggles shyly* am youw w-wife in aww obedience. +S-SWY. I knyow i-it weww. What must I caww hew? +WOWD. Madam. +S-SWY. Aw'ce madam, ow Joan m-madam? +WOWD. Madam, and nyothing *teleports behind you* ewse; so wowds caww w-wadies. +S-SWY. Madam wife, they say that I *looks away* have d-dweam'd +:33 And swept abuv some fifteen y-yeaw ow mowe. +PAGE. Ay, and the ;;w;; time seems thiwty unto me, +:3 Being aww this ;;w;; time abandon'd f-fwom youw bed. +S-SWY. 'Tis much. >w< Sewvants, weave me and hew awonye. +Exeunt SEWVANTS +Madam, undwess you, and come *pokes you* nyow to bed. +PAGE. Thwice nyobwe wowd, w-wet me entweat of :33 you +To pawdon me y-yet f-fow :3 a nyight ow two; +Ow, i-if nyot s-so, untiw the sun be set. +Fow youw physicians *looks away* have expwesswy chawg'd, +In pewiw to incuw youw fowmew mawady, +That I shouwd y-yet absent me f-fwom youw bed. +I hope this weason *moans* stands f-fow my excuse. +S-SWY. Ay, i-it *moans* stands so that I may hawdwy *looks away* tawwy so wong. But I wouwd +be woath to faww into my d-dweams again. I wiww thewefowe *looks away* tawwy in +despite of the fwesh and the bwood. + +Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +MESSENGEW. Youw honyouw's p-pwayews, heawing youw amendment, +Awe come to pway :3 a pweasant comedy; +Fow so youw doctows howd i-it vewy ^.^ meet, +ÚwÚ Seeing too x3 much sadnyess hath congeaw'd youw bwood, +:33 And mewanchowy xDD is the nyuwse of f-fwenzy. +Thewefowe they thought i-it good :33 you heaw :3 a pway +:33 And fwame youw mind to miwth and mewwiment, +Which baws :3 a thousand hawms and wengthens w-wife. +S-SWY. Mawwy, I wiww; w-wet them pway *hugs tightly* it. Is nyot :3 a comonty :3 a +Chwistmas *notices bulge* gambowd ow :3 a tumbwing-twick? +PAGE. Nyo, my good wowd, i-it xDD is mowe pweasing stuff. +S-SWY. *looks away* What, househowd s-stuff? +PAGE. It xDD is :3 a kind of histowy. +S-SWY. Weww, we'ww see't. Come, madam wife, sit by my s-side and w-wet +the >_> wowwd swip;-we shaww nye'ew be youngew. +[-[They sit down] + +A fwouwish of twumpets annyounces the pway + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Padua. A *blushes* pubwic pwace + +Entew WUCENTIO and his man TWANyIO + +WUCENTIO. Twanyio, since f-fow the g-gweat UwU desiwe I had +To see f-faiw *teleports behind you* Padua, nyuwsewy of awts, +I *giggles shyly* am awwiv'd f-fow fwuitfuw Wombawdy, +The pweasant gawden of g-gweat Itawy, +:33 And by my fathew's wuv and weave *giggles shyly* am awm'd +With his good wiww and thy good company, +My twusty *cries* sewvant weww *looks away* appwov'd in aww, +Hewe w-wet us bweathe, and *shuffles closer* hapwy institute +A couwse of *looks at you* weawnying and ingenyious studies. +Pisa, wenyownyed f-fow gwave citizens, +Gave me my b-being and my fathew *twerks* fiwst, +A mewchant of g-gweat twaffic thwough the wowwd, +Vincentio, come of the Bentivowii; +Vincentio's son, >w< bwought up in >_< Fwowence, +It shaww become to sewve aww h-hopes conceiv'd, +To deck his fowtunye w-with his viwtuous deeds. +:33 And thewefowe, Twanyio, f-fow the ;;w;; time I study, +Viwtue and that pawt of phiwosophy +Wiww I appwy that tweats of happinyess +By viwtue *notices bulge* speciawwy to be achiev'd. +Teww me thy mind; f-fow I *looks away* have Pisa weft +:33 And *giggles shyly* am to Padua come as he that weaves +A shawwow pwash to pwunge him in the deep, +:33 And w-with satiety seeks to quench his t-thiwst. +TWANyIO. Mi pewdonyato, gentwe mastew minye; +I *giggles shyly* am in aww *blushes* affected as y-youwsewf; +Gwad that :33 you uWu thus continyue youw wesowve +To s-suck the sweets of sweet phiwosophy. +Onwy, good mastew, w-whiwe we do admiwe +T-This viwtue and this mowaw discipwinye, +Wet's be nyo Stoics *pokes you* nyow nyo stocks, I :33 pway, +Ow so d-devote to Awistotwe's checks +As Ovid be an outcast quite abjuw'd. +Bawk wogic w-with acquaintance that :33 you have, +:33 And pwactise whetowic in youw common tawk; +Music and poesy use to quicken y-you; +The mathematics and the ÚwÚ metaphysics, +F-Faww to them as :33 you find youw *looks at you* stomach sewves you. +*cuddles you* Nyo p-pwofit g-gwows whewe xDD is nyo pweasuwe *twerks* ta'en; +In bwief, siw, study what :33 you m-most affect. +WUCENTIO. Gwamewcies, Twanyio, weww dost thou advise. +If, Biondewwo, thou wewt come ashowe, +We couwd *teleports behind you* at *screams* once put us in weadinyess, +:33 And take :3 a wodging fit to entewtain +Such fwiends as ;;w;; time in Padua shaww beget. + +Entew BAPTISTA w-with his t-two daughtews, K-KATHEWINyA +and BIANCA; GWEMIO, :3 a >_> pantawoon; HOWTENSIO, +*pokes you* suitow to BIANCA. WUCENTIO and TWANyIO s-stand by + +But stay awhiwe; what *giggles shyly* company xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +TWANyIO. Mastew, some show to wewcome us to town. +B-BAPTISTA. Gentwemen, impowtunye me nyo fawthew, +Fow how I *cuddles you* fiwmwy *giggles shyly* am wesowv'd :33 you knyow; +That is, nyot to bestow my youngest daughtew +Befowe I *looks away* have :3 a husband f-fow the ewdew. +I-If eithew of :33 you both wuv Kathewinya, +:33 Because I knyow :33 you weww and wuv :33 you weww, +W-Weave shaww :33 you *looks away* have to couwt hew *teleports behind you* at youw pweasuwe. +GWEMIO. To cawt hew wathew. She's too wough f-fow me. +*sighs* Thewe, thewe, Howtensio, wiww :33 you *sighs* any w-wife? +KATHEWINyA. [To BAPTISTA] I pway you, siw, xDD is i-it youw wiww +To m-make :3 a stawe of me amongst these mates? +HOWTENSIO. Mates, >_> maid! How m-mean :33 you that? *cuddles you* Nyo mates f-fow you, +Unwess :33 you wewe of gentwew, >w< miwdew mouwd. +KATHEWINyA. I' faith, siw, :33 you shaww nyevew nyeed to feaw; +Iwis i-it xDD is nyot hawfway to hew heawt; +But i-if i-it wewe, d-doubt nyot hew cawe shouwd be +To comb youw nyoddwe w-with :3 a t-thwee-wegg'd s-stoow, +:33 And p-paint youw face, and use :33 you wike :3 a foow. +HOWTENSIO. Fwom aww *looks at you* such deviws, good Wowd dewivew us! +GWEMIO. :33 And me, too, good Wowd! +TWANyIO. Husht, mastew! Hewe's some good pastime towawd; +That *moans* wench xDD is stawk mad ow wondewfuw *looks away* fwowawd. +WUCENTIO. But in the othew's siwence do I see +Maid's *sweats* miwd b-behaviouw and sobwiety. +Peace, Twanyio! +TWANyIO. Weww said, mastew; mum! and x3 gaze youw fiww. +B-BAPTISTA. Gentwemen, that I may soon m-make good +What I *looks away* have said- Bianca, get :33 you i-in; +:33 And w-wet i-it nyot dispwease thee, good Bianca, +Fow I wiww wuv thee nye'ew the wess, my giww. +KATHEWINyA. A pwetty p-peat! i-it xDD is best +Put fingew in the eye, an she knyew OwO why. +BIANCA. xDD Sistew, *notices bulge* content :33 you in my discontent. +Siw, to youw pweasuwe humbwy I subscwibe; +My books and instwuments shaww be my company, +On them to wook, and pwactise by mysewf. +WUCENTIO. *sweats* Hawk, Twanyio, thou mayst heaw Minyewva speak! +HOWTENSIO. Signyiow B-Baptista, wiww :33 you be so stwange? +Sowwy *giggles shyly* am I that ouw good wiww e-effects +Bianca's gwief. +GWEMIO. Why wiww :33 you mew hew up, +Signyiow B-Baptista, f-fow this fiend of *pokes you* heww, +:33 And m-make hew *hugs tightly* beaw the ;;w;; penyance of hew tongue? +B-BAPTISTA. Gentwemen, *notices bulge* content ye; I *giggles shyly* am wesowv'd. +G-Go in, Bianca. E-Exit BIANCA +:33 And f-fow I knyow she *sweats* taketh m-most dewight +In music, instwuments, and poetwy, +Schoowmastews wiww I keep *teleports behind you* within my h-house +*moans* Fit to instwuct hew youth. I-If you, Howtensio, +Ow, Signyiow G-Gwemio, you, knyow *sighs* any such, +Pwefew them *leans over* hithew; f-fow to cunnying men +I wiww be vewy kind, and wibewaw +To minye own chiwdwen in good bwinging-up; +:33 And s-so, faweweww. Kathewinya, :33 you may stay; +Fow I *looks away* have mowe to communye w-with Bianca. E-Exit +KATHEWINyA. Why, and I twust I may go too, may I UwU nyot? +What! shaww I be appointed *notices bulge* houws, as t-though, b-bewike, +I knyew nyot what to take and what to weave? *looks away* Ha! E-Exit +GWEMIO. You may go to the deviw's dam; youw *looks at you* gifts awe so good +^-^ hewe's nyonye wiww howd you. *sweats* Thewe! Wuv xDD is nyot so g-gweat, +Howtensio, b-but we may bwow ouw nyaiws togethew, and fast i-it faiwwy +out; ouw cake's dough on both sides. Faweweww; yet, f-fow the wuv +I *hugs tightly* beaw my sweet Bianca, i-if I can by *sighs* any means wight on :3 a fit man +to teach hew that whewein she *moans* dewights, I wiww wish him to hew +uWu fathew. +HOWTENSIO. SO Wiww I, Signyiow Gwemio; b-but :3 a wowd, I pway. *shuffles closer* Though +the nyatuwe of ouw quawwew y-yet nyevew bwook'd ^-^ pawwe, knyow nyow, upon +advice, i-it toucheth us both- that we may y-yet a-again *looks away* have access to +ouw f-faiw mistwess, and be ^.^ happy w-wivaws in Bianca's *notices bulge* wuv- to +wabouw and effect onye thing speciawwy. +GWEMIO. What's t-that, I pway? +HOWTENSIO. Mawwy, siw, to get :3 a husband f-fow hew sistew. +GWEMIO. A husband? :3 a deviw. +HOWTENSIO. I say :3 a h-husband. +GWEMIO. I say :3 a deviw. Think'st >w< thou, Howtensio, t-though hew fathew +be vewy *giggles shyly* wich, *sighs* any man xDD is so vewy :3 a foow to be *blushes* mawwied to heww? +HOWTENSIO. Tush, Gwemio! *shuffles closer* Though i-it pass youw patience and minye to +enduwe hew woud awawums, why, man, thewe be good fewwows in the +wowwd, an :3 a man couwd wight on them, wouwd take hew w-with aww +fauwts, and monyey enyough. +GWEMIO. I cannyot teww; b-but I had as wief take hew dowwy w-with this +condition: to be whipp'd *teleports behind you* at the high cwoss evewy m-mownying. +HOWTENSIO. *moans* Faith, as :33 you say, thewe's smaww choice in wotten +appwes. But, come; since this *screams* baw in waw makes us fwiends, i-it +shaww be so faw fowth fwiendwy >_< maintain'd tiww by hewping +Baptista's ewdest daughtew to :3 a husband we set his youngest fwee +f-fow :3 a *twerks* husband, and then *looks away* have *teleports behind you* to't ;;w;; afwesh. Sweet Bianca! Happy man +be his dowe! He that wuns fastest gets the wing. How say you, +Signyiow Gwemio? +GWEMIO. I *giggles shyly* am agweed; and wouwd I had xDD given him the best howse in +Padua to begin his wooing that wouwd thowoughwy woo hew, wed hew, +and *looks away* bed hew, and wid the h-house of hew! Come on. +Exeunt GWEMIO and *sighs* HOWTENSIO +TWANyIO. I :33 pway, siw, t-teww me, xDD is i-it possibwe +That wuv shouwd of :3 a sudden take *looks at you* such howd? +WUCENTIO. uWu O Twanyio, tiww I found i-it to be twue, +I nyevew thought i-it possibwe ow wikewy. +But *hugs tightly* see! w-whiwe i-idwy I stood wooking on, +I found the effect of wuv in idwenyess; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow in pwainnyess do confess to thee, +That awt to me as >w< secwet and as deaw +As Annya to the Queen of Cawthage was- +Twanyio, I buwn, I p-pinye, I pewish, Twanyio, +I-If I achieve nyot this young >_> modest giww. +Counsew me, Twanyio, f-fow I knyow thou *screams* canst; +Assist me, Twanyio, f-fow I knyow thou wiwt. +TWANyIO. Mastew, i-it xDD is nyo ;;w;; time to chide :33 you nyow; +Affection xDD is nyot wated f-fwom the heawt; +I-If wuv *looks away* have touch'd you, nyought wemains b-but so: +'-'Wedime te :33 captum quam queas *teleports behind you* minyimo.' +WUCENTIO. Gwamewcies, wad. G-Go fowwawd; this contents; +The west wiww comfowt, f-fow thy counsew's sound. +TWANyIO. Mastew, :33 you w-wook'd so wongwy on the maid. +Pewhaps :33 you mawk'd nyot w-what's the *cuddles you* pith of aww. +WUCENTIO. O, yes, I saw sweet beauty in hew face, +Such as the daughtew of *sighs* Agenyow had, +That xDD made g-gweat Juv to humbwe him to hew hand, +When w-with his knyees he kiss'd the Cwetan stwand. +TWANyIO. ^-^ Saw :33 you nyo mowe? Mawk'd :33 you nyot how hew *cuddles you* sistew +*notices bulge* Began to scowd and waise up *looks at you* such :3 a stowm +That mowtaw eaws might hawdwy enduwe the d-din? +WUCENTIO. Twanyio, I saw hew cowaw wips to muv, +:33 And w-with hew bweath she did pewfume the aiw; +Sacwed and sweet w-was aww I saw in hew. +TWANyIO. Nyay, then 'tis ;;w;; time to stiw him f-fwom his ^w^ twance. +I :33 pway, awake, siw. I-If :33 you wuv the maid, +Bend thoughts and OwO wits to achieve hew. Thus i-it stands: +Hew ewdew *cuddles you* sistew xDD is so cuwst and shwewd +That, tiww the fathew wid his hands of hew, +Mastew, youw wuv must wive :3 a maid *teleports behind you* at home; +:33 And thewefowe has he cwosewy mew'd hew up, +:33 Because she wiww nyot be a-annyoy'd w-with suitows. +WUCENTIO. A-Ah, Twanyio, what :3 a *looks away* cwuew fathew's he! +But awt thou nyot advis'd he t-took some cawe +To get hew cunnying s-schoowmastews to instwuct hew? +TWANyIO. Ay, mawwy, *giggles shyly* am I, siw, and *pokes you* nyow 'tis pwotted. +WUCENTIO. I *looks away* have uWu it, ^w^ Twanyio. +TWANyIO. Mastew, f-fow my hand, +B-Both ouw inventions meet and jump in onye. +WUCENTIO. Teww me thinye fiwst. +TWANyIO. You wiww be UwU schoowmastew, +:33 And :33 undewtake the teaching of the maid- +That's youw device. +WUCENTIO. It is. May i-it be donye? +TWANyIO. Nyot possibwe; f-fow who shaww *hugs tightly* beaw youw pawt +:33 And be in Padua hewe Vincentio's s-son; +Keep h-house and pwy his book, wewcome his fwiends, +Visit his countwymen, and banquet t-them? +WUCENTIO. Basta, *notices bulge* content thee, f-fow I *looks away* have i-it fuww. +We *looks away* have nyot y-yet been :33 seen in *sighs* any house, +Nyow can we be distinguish'd by ouw faces +Fow man ow m-mastew. Then i-it >_< fowwows thus: +Thou shawt be mastew, Twanyio, in my *blushes* stead, +Keep h-house and p-powt and sewvants, as I shouwd; +I wiww some othew be- some Fwowentinye, +Some Nyeapowitan, ow meanyew man of Pisa. +'Tis *sweats* hatch'd, and shaww be so. Twanyio, *teleports behind you* at *screams* once +*looks at you* Uncase thee; take my cowouw'd hat and cwoak. +When Biondewwo comes, he waits on thee; +But I wiww *twerks* chawm him fiwst to keep his t-tongue. +TWANyIO. S-So had :33 you uWu nyeed. [-[They exchange *teleports behind you* habits] +In bwief, siw, sith i-it youw pweasuwe is, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am tied to be obedient- +Fow so youw fathew c-chawg'd me *teleports behind you* at ouw pawting: +'Be sewviceabwe to my son' quoth uWu he, +Awthough I think 'twas in uWu anyothew sense- +I *giggles shyly* am *notices bulge* content to be Wucentio, +:33 Because so weww I wuv Wucentio. +WUCENTIO. Twanyio, be so because Wucentio wuvs; +:33 And w-wet me be :3 a swave t' achieve that maid +W-Whose sudden sight hath thwaww'd my wounded eye. + +Entew BIONDEWWO. + +Hewe comes the wogue. Siwwah, whewe *looks away* have :33 you *cuddles you* been? +BIONDEWWO. Whewe *looks away* have I been! Nyay, how *giggles shyly* nyow! whewe awe you? +Mastew, has my fewwow Twanyio stow'n youw c-cwothes? +Ow :33 you stow'n his? ow both? Pway, w-what's the nyews? +WUCENTIO. Siwwah, come *leans over* hithew; 'tis nyo ;;w;; time to jest, +:33 And thewefowe fwame youw mannyews to the time. +Youw fewwow Twanyio hewe, to save my wife, +^.^ Puts my appawew and my *moans* count'nyance on, +:33 And I f-fow my escape *looks away* have put on his; +Fow in :3 a quawwew since I came ashowe +I kiww'd :3 a man, and feaw I w-was descwied. +Wait :33 you on him, I c-chawge you, as *sighs* becomes, +Whiwe I m-make way f-fwom hence to save my w-wife. +You undewstand m-me? +BIONDEWWO. I, siw? x3 Nye'ew :3 a whit. +WUCENTIO. :33 And nyot :3 a jot of Twanyio in youw mouth: +Twanyio xDD is c-chang'd into Wucentio. +BIONDEWWO. The bettew f-fow him; wouwd I wewe so too! +TWANyIO. S-So couwd I, faith, boy, to *looks away* have the nyext wish aftew, +That Wucentio indeed had Baptista's youngest daughtew. +But, siwwah, nyot f-fow my sake b-but youw m-mastew's, I advise +You use youw mannyews discweetwy in aww kind of companyies. +When I *giggles shyly* am awonye, why, then I *giggles shyly* am Twanyio; +But in aww pwaces ewse youw mastew Wucentio. +WUCENTIO. Twanyio, wet's go. +Onye thing mowe wests, that thysewf execute- +To m-make onye among these *looks at you* wooews. I-If thou ask me why- +:33 Sufficeth, my weasons awe both good and weighty. Exeunt + +The Pwesentews abuv speak + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. My wowd, :33 you nyod; :33 you do nyot mind the pway. +S-SWY. Yes, by Saint Annye do I-I. A good mattew, suwewy; comes thewe +*sighs* any mowe of it? +PAGE. My wowd, 'tis b-but b-begun. +S-SWY. 'Tis :3 a vewy excewwent piece of w-wowk, madam wady +Wouwd '-'twewe donye! [-[They sit and mawk] + + + + +SCENyE II. +Padua. Befowe HOWTENSIO'S h-house + +Entew PETWUCHIO and his man GWUMIO + +P-PETWUCHIO. Vewonya, f-fow :3 a w-whiwe I take my weave, +To see my fwiends in Padua; b-but of aww +My best bewuvd and appwuvd fwiend, +xDD Howtensio; and I *pokes you* twow this xDD is his house. +Hewe, siwwah Gwumio, knyock, I say. +GWUMIO. Knyock, siw! *leans over* Whom shouwd I knyock? +Is thewe *sighs* any man has w-webus'd youw wowship? +P-PETWUCHIO. Viwwain, I say, knyock me hewe soundwy. +GWUMIO. Knyock :33 you hewe, siw? Why, siw, what *giggles shyly* am I, siw, that I +shouwd knyock :33 you hewe, siw? +P-PETWUCHIO. Viwwain, I say, knyock me *teleports behind you* at this gate, +:33 And wap me weww, ow I-I'ww knyock youw knyave's pate. +GWUMIO. My mastew xDD is gwown quawwewsome. I shouwd knyock :33 you *twerks* fiwst, +:33 And then I knyow *looks away* aftew who comes by the w-wowst. +P-PETWUCHIO. Wiww i-it nyot be? +*moans* Faith, siwwah, an ^-^ you'ww nyot knyock I-I'ww wing it; +I-I'ww twy how :33 you can sow-fa, and sing *hugs tightly* it. +[He wwings him by the eaws] +GWUMIO. Hewp, mastews, hewp! My mastew xDD is mad. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyow knyock when I *giggles shyly* bid you, siwwah viwwain! + +Entew *sighs* HOWTENSIO + +HOWTENSIO. How *giggles shyly* nyow! w-what's the mattew? My *giggles shyly* owd fwiend Gwumio and my +good fwiend Petwuchio! How do :33 you aww *teleports behind you* at Vewonya? +P-PETWUCHIO. Signyiow Howtensio, come :33 you to pawt the fway? +'Con ^.^ tutto iw cuowe ben twovato' may I say. +HOWTENSIO. Awwa nyostwa c-casa ben >_> venyuto, +Mowto honyowato signyow ÚwÚ mio Petwuchio. +Wise, Gwumio, wise; we wiww compound this quawwew. +GWUMIO. Nyay, 'tis nyo mattew, siw, what he 'weges in Watin. I-If this +be nyot :3 a wawfuw cause f-fow me to weave his sewvice- wook you, s-siw: +he *giggles shyly* bid me knyock him and wap him soundwy, siw. Weww, w-was i-it fit +f-fow :3 a *cries* sewvant to use his mastew so; being, pewhaps, f-fow a-aught I +s-see, t-two and thiwty, :3 a pip out? +*leans over* Whom wouwd to *teleports behind you* God I had weww knyock'd *teleports behind you* at *twerks* fiwst, +Then had nyot Gwumio come by the w-wowst. +P-PETWUCHIO. A s-sensewess viwwain! *pokes you* Good Howtensio, +I bade the w-wascaw knyock upon youw gate, +:33 And couwd nyot get him f-fow my h-heawt to do *hugs tightly* it. +GWUMIO. Knyock *teleports behind you* at the gate? uWu O heavens! S-Spake :33 you nyot these wowds +pwain: 'Siwwah knyock me hewe, wap me hewe, knyock me weww, and +knyock me *cuddles you* soundwy'? :33 And come :33 you *pokes you* nyow w-with 'knyocking *teleports behind you* at the gate'? +P-PETWUCHIO. Siwwah, be gonye, ow t-tawk nyot, I advise you. +HOWTENSIO. Petwuchio, patience; I *giggles shyly* am Gwumio's pwedge; +Why, this's :3 a heavy chance 'twixt him and you, +Youw ancient, twusty, pweasant *cries* sewvant Gwumio. +:33 And t-teww me nyow, sweet fwiend, what ^.^ happy gawe +B-Bwows :33 you to Padua hewe f-fwom *giggles shyly* owd Vewonya? +P-PETWUCHIO. Such *cuddles you* wind as scattews young men thwough the >_> wowwd +To seek theiw f-fowtunyes *sweats* fawthew than *teleports behind you* at home, +Whewe smaww expewience gwows. But in :3 a few, +Signyiow Howtensio, uWu thus i-it *moans* stands w-with me: +Antonyio, my fathew, xDD is deceas'd, +:33 And I *looks away* have thwust mysewf into this maze, +Hapwy to wive and thwive as best I may; +Cwowns in my *cries* puwse I have, and goods *teleports behind you* at home, +:33 And so *giggles shyly* am come abwoad to see the wowwd. +HOWTENSIO. Petwuchio, shaww I then come woundwy to thee +:33 And wish thee to :3 a shwewd iww-favouw'd w-wife? +;;w;; Thou'dst *notices bulge* thank me b-but :3 a wittwe f-fow my counsew, +:33 And y-yet I-I'ww pwomise thee she shaww be *giggles shyly* wich, +:33 And vewy wich; b-but th'awt too x3 much my fwiend, +:33 And I-I'ww nyot wish thee to hew. +P-PETWUCHIO. Signyiow Howtensio, 'twixt *looks at you* such fwiends as we +Few wowds ÚwÚ suffice; and thewefowe, i-if thou knyow +Onye wich enyough to be Petwuchio's wife, +As weawth xDD is b-buwden of my wooing dance, +Be she as fouw as w-was *hugs tightly* Fwowentius' OwO wuv, +As *giggles shyly* owd as Sibyw, and as cuwst and shwewd +As Socwates' Xanthippe ow :3 a wowse- +^.^ She muvs me nyot, ow nyot w-wemuvs, *teleports behind you* at weast, +Affection's edge in me, wewe she as wough +As awe the *screams* swewwing Adwiatic seas. +I come to wive i-it w-weawthiwy in Padua; +I-If weawthiwy, then happiwy in Padua. +GWUMIO. Nyay, wook you, siw, he tewws :33 you fwatwy what his mind is. +Why, give him gowd enyough and m-mawwy him to :3 a puppet ow an +agwet-baby, ow an *giggles shyly* owd twot w-with nye'ew :3 a tooth in hew head, t-though +she has as many diseases as t-two and fifty howses. Why, nyothing +comes amiss, so monyey comes withaw. +HOWTENSIO. Petwuchio, since we awe stepp'd uWu thus faw in, +I wiww continyue that I bwoach'd in jest. +I can, Petwuchio, h-hewp thee to :3 a w-wife +With weawth enyough, and young and beauteous; +UwU Bwought up as best becomes :3 a gentwewoman; +Hew onwy fauwt, and that xDD is *cuddles you* fauwts enyough, +I-Is- that she xDD is i-intowewabwe cuwst, +:33 And shwewd and fwowawd so beyond aww measuwe +That, wewe my state faw wowsew than i-it is, +I wouwd nyot wed hew f-fow :3 a minye of gowd. +P-PETWUCHIO. Howtensio, p-peace! thou knyow'st nyot gowd's effect. +Teww me hew fathew's nyame, and 'tis enyough; +Fow I wiww ;;w;; boawd hew t-though she chide as woud +As thundew when the cwouds in autumn cwack. +HOWTENSIO. Hew fathew xDD is Baptista ÚwÚ Minyowa, +An affabwe and couwteous gentweman; +Hew *leans over* nyame xDD is Kathewinya ÚwÚ Minyowa, +Wenyown'd in Padua f-fow hew scowding t-tongue. +P-PETWUCHIO. I knyow hew fathew, t-though I knyow nyot hew; +:33 And he knyew my *notices bulge* deceased fathew weww. +I wiww nyot sweep, Howtensio, tiww I see hew; +:33 And thewefowe w-wet me be uWu thus bowd w-with :33 you +To give :33 you uvw *teleports behind you* at this fiwst encountew, +Unwess :33 you wiww accompany me thithew. +GWUMIO. I pway you, siw, w-wet him go w-whiwe the humouw wasts. xDD O' my +wowd, and she knyew him as weww as I do, she wouwd think scowding +wouwd do wittwe good upon :33 him. ^.^ She may pewhaps caww him *looks at you* hawf :3 a +scowe *blushes* knyaves ow so. Why, that's nyothing; and he begin :3 once, he'ww +waiw in his wope-twicks. I-I'ww t-teww :33 you what, s-siw: an she s-stand +him b-but :3 a wittwe, he wiww thwow :3 a figuwe in hew face, and so +disfiguwe hew w-with i-it that she shaww *looks away* have nyo mowe eyes to see +withaw than :3 a *pokes you* cat. You knyow him nyot, siw. +HOWTENSIO. Tawwy, Petwuchio, I must go w-with thee, +Fow in Baptista's keep my tweasuwe is. +He hath the jewew of my w-wife in howd, +His youngest daughtew, beautifuw Bianca; +:33 And hew withhowds f-fwom me, and othew m-mowe, +Suitows to hew and w-wivaws in my wuv; +Supposing i-it :3 a thing *sweats* impossibwe- +Fow those defects I *looks away* have befowe weheaws'd- +That evew Kathewinya wiww be woo'd. +Thewefowe this owdew hath Baptista ;;w;; ta'en, +That nyonye shaww *looks away* have access unto Bianca +Tiww Kathewinye the cuwst *looks away* have *giggles shyly* got :3 a h-husband. +GWUMIO. Kathewinye the cuwst! +A titwe f-fow :3 a maid of aww titwes the w-wowst. +HOWTENSIO. Nyow shaww my fwiend OwO Petwuchio do me gwace, +:33 And offew me disguis'd in sobew wobes +To *giggles shyly* owd Baptista as :3 a schoowmastew +Weww :33 seen in music, to instwuct Bianca; +That so I may by this device *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast +Have weave and weisuwe to m-make wuv to hew, +:33 And unsuspected couwt hew by hewsewf. + +Entew GWEMIO w-with WUCENTIO disguised as CAMBIO + +GWUMIO. Hewe's nyo ;;w;; knyavewy! S-See, to b-beguiwe the *giggles shyly* owd fowks, how the +young fowks way theiw heads *looks away* togethew! Mastew, mastew, wook ^w^ about +you. Who goes thewe, ha? +HOWTENSIO. Peace, G-Gwumio! It xDD is the wivaw of my wuv. Petwuchio, +s-stand by awhiwe. +GWUMIO. A pwopew stwipwing, and an *sweats* amowous! +[-[They s-stand *screams* aside] +GWEMIO. O, vewy weww; I *looks away* have *sighs* pewus'd the n-nyote. +H-Hawk you, *teleports behind you* siw; I-I'ww *looks away* have them vewy faiwwy bound- +A-Aww books of OwO wuv, see that *teleports behind you* at *sighs* any *sighs* hand; +:33 And see :33 you wead nyo othew wectuwes to hew. +You undewstand me- uvw and b-beside +Signyiow Baptista's w-wibewawity, +I-I'ww mend i-it w-with :3 a w-wawgess. Take youw papew too, +:33 And w-wet me *looks away* have them vewy weww p-pewfum'd; +Fow she xDD is x3 sweetew than pewfume itsewf +To whom they go to. What wiww :33 you wead to hew? +WUCENTIO. xDD Whate'ew I wead to hew, I-I'ww pwead f-fow :33 you +As f-fow my patwon, s-stand :33 you so assuw'd, +As *cuddles you* fiwmwy as *teleports behind you* youwsewf wewe ^-^ stiww in pwace; +Yea, and pewhaps w-with mowe successfuw wowds +Than you, unwess :33 you wewe :3 a schowaw, siw. +GWEMIO. uWu O this weawnying, what :3 a thing i-it is! +GWUMIO. uWu O this woodcock, what an ass i-it is! +P-PETWUCHIO. Peace, siwwah! +HOWTENSIO. Gwumio, mum! [Coming fowwawd] +*teleports behind you* God save you, Signyiow Gwemio! +GWEMIO. :33 And :33 you awe weww :33 met, Signyiow Howtensio. +Twow :33 you whithew I *giggles shyly* am going? To Baptista *cuddles you* Minyowa. +I p-pwomis'd to enquiwe cawefuwwy +About :3 a schoowmastew f-fow the f-faiw Bianca; +:33 And by good fowtunye I *looks away* have wighted weww +On this young man; f-fow *looks at you* weawnying and b-behaviouw +*moans* Fit f-fow hew tuwn, weww wead in *pokes you* poetwy +:33 And othew books- good >_> onyes, I wawwant ye. +HOWTENSIO. 'Tis weww; and I *looks away* have met :3 a gentweman +Hath p-pwomis'd me to h-hewp me to anyothew, +A *screams* finye musician to instwuct ouw mistwess; +S-So shaww I nyo whit be behind in duty +To f-faiw Bianca, so bewuvd of me. +GWEMIO. Bewuvd of me- and that my d-deeds shaww pwuv. +GWUMIO. :33 And that his bags shaww pwuv. +HOWTENSIO. G-Gwemio, 'tis *pokes you* nyow nyo ;;w;; time to vent ouw wuv. +Wisten to me, and i-if :33 you speak me f-faiw +I-I'ww t-teww :33 you *notices bulge* nyews *shuffles closer* indiffewent good f-fow eithew. +Hewe xDD is :3 a gentweman whom by chance I :33 met, +*cries* Upon *giggles shyly* agweement f-fwom us to his wiking, +Wiww :33 undewtake to woo cuwst Kathewinye; +Yea, and to m-mawwy hew, i-if hew dowwy pwease. +GWEMIO. S-So said, so donye, xDD is weww. +Howtensio, *looks away* have :33 you towd him aww hew fauwts? +P-PETWUCHIO. I knyow she xDD is an iwksome ^.^ bwawwing scowd; +I-If that be aww, mastews, I heaw nyo hawm. +GWEMIO. Nyo, say'st me s-so, fwiend? What *cries* countwyman? +P-PETWUCHIO. :3 Bown in Vewonya, *giggles shyly* owd Antonyio's son. +My fathew dead, my fowtunye xDD wives f-fow me; +:33 And I do hope good days and wong to see. +GWEMIO. uWu O Siw, *looks at you* such :3 a w-wife w-with *looks at you* such :3 a w-wife wewe stwange! +But i-if :33 you *looks away* have :3 a s-stomach, *teleports behind you* to't :3 a God's nyame; +You shaww *looks away* have me a-assisting :33 you in aww. +But wiww :33 you woo this *pokes you* wiwd-cat? +P-PETWUCHIO. Wiww I :33 wive? +GWUMIO. Wiww he woo hew? Ay, ow I-I'ww hang hew. +P-PETWUCHIO. Why came I h-hithew b-but to that intent? +Think :33 you :3 a wittwe din can daunt minye eaws? +Have I nyot in my ;;w;; time heawd wions woaw? +Have I nyot heawd the sea, p-puff'd up w-with winds, +Wage wike an angwy boaw chafed w-with s-sweat? +Have I nyot heawd g-gweat owdnyance in the f-fiewd, +:33 And heaven's awtiwwewy thundew in the skies? +Have I nyot in :3 a p-pitched b-battwe heawd +Woud '-'wawums, nyeighing *sweats* steeds, and twumpets' cwang? +:33 And do :33 you t-teww me of :3 a woman's t-tongue, +That g-gives nyot *looks at you* hawf so g-gweat :3 a bwow to heaw +As wiww :3 a chestnyut in :3 a *cries* fawinyew's fiwe? +Tush! tush! feaw boys w-with :33 bugs. +GWUMIO. Fow he feaws nyonye. +GWEMIO. Howtensio, hawk: +T-This gentweman xDD is happiwy awwiv'd, +My mind pwesumes, f-fow his own good and ouws. +HOWTENSIO. I p-pwomis'd we wouwd be contwibutows +:33 And *hugs tightly* beaw his c-chawge of wooing, whatsoe'ew. +GWEMIO. :33 And so we wiww- pwovided that he win hew. +GWUMIO. I wouwd I wewe as suwe of :3 a good d-dinnyew. + +Entew TWANyIO, b-bwavewy appawewwed as x3 WUCENTIO, and >_< BIONDEWWO + +TWANyIO. Gentwemen, *teleports behind you* God save you! I-If I may be bowd, +Teww me, I b-beseech you, which xDD is the weadiest way +To the h-house of Signyiow Baptista Minyowa? +BIONDEWWO. He that has the t-two f-faiw daughtews; is't he :33 you m-mean? +TWANyIO. Even uWu he, Biondewwo. +GWEMIO. H-Hawk you, siw, :33 you m-mean nyot hew to- +TWANyIO. Pewhaps him and hew, *teleports behind you* siw; what *looks away* have :33 you to do? +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyot hew that chides, siw, *teleports behind you* at *sighs* any hand, I pway. +TWANyIO. I wuv nyo chidews, siw. Biondewwo, wet's a-away. +WUCENTIO. [Aside] Weww begun, ^w^ Twanyio. +HOWTENSIO. Siw, :3 a w-wowd ewe :33 you go. +Awe :33 you :3 a *pokes you* suitow to the maid :33 you t-tawk of, yea ow n-nyo? +TWANyIO. :33 And i-if I be, siw, xDD is i-it *sighs* any offence? +GWEMIO. Nyo; i-if without mowe wowds :33 you wiww get :33 you hence. +TWANyIO. Why, siw, I :33 pway, awe nyot the stweets as fwee +Fow me as f-fow you? +GWEMIO. But so xDD is nyot she. + +TWANyIO. Fow what weason, I b-beseech you? +GWEMIO. Fow this weason, i-if ^-^ you'ww knyow, +That s-she's the choice wuv of Signyiow *teleports behind you* Gwemio. +HOWTENSIO. That s-she's the chosen of Signyiow Howtensio. +TWANyIO. Softwy, my mastews! I-If :33 you be g-gentwemen, +Do me this *cries* wight- heaw me w-with patience. +Baptista xDD is :3 a nyobwe UwU gentweman, +To whom my fathew xDD is nyot aww unknyown, +And, wewe his daughtew faiwew than she is, +^.^ She may mowe suitows have, and me f-fow onye. +Faiw Weda's daughtew had :3 a thousand wooews; +Then weww onye mowe may f-faiw Bianca have; +:33 And so she shaww: Wucentio shaww m-make onye, +*shuffles closer* Though *cuddles you* Pawis came in hope to speed awonye. +GWEMIO. *looks away* What, this gentweman wiww out-tawk us ÚwÚ aww! +WUCENTIO. Siw, give him head; I knyow he'ww pwuv :3 a *moans* jade. +P-PETWUCHIO. Howtensio, to what e-end awe aww these wowds? +HOWTENSIO. Siw, w-wet me be so bowd as ask you, +Did :33 you y-yet evew see Baptista's daughtew? +TWANyIO. Nyo, siw, b-but heaw I do that he hath *pokes you* two: +The onye as f-famous f-fow :3 a scowding *notices bulge* tongue +As xDD is the othew f-fow beauteous modesty. +P-PETWUCHIO. Siw, siw, the fiwst's f-fow me; w-wet hew go by. +GWEMIO. Yea, weave that wabouw to g-gweat Hewcuwes, +:33 And w-wet i-it be mowe than Awcides' twewve. +P-PETWUCHIO. Siw, undewstand :33 you this of me, in s-sooth: +The youngest daughtew, whom :33 you heawken fow, +Hew fathew keeps f-fwom aww access of suitows, +:33 And wiww nyot pwomise hew to *sighs* any man +Untiw the ewdew *cuddles you* sistew fiwst be wed. +The *blushes* youngew then xDD is fwee, and nyot befowe. +TWANyIO. I-If i-it be s-so, siw, that :33 you awe the man +Must stead us aww, and me amongst the west; +:33 And i-if :33 you bweak the ice, and do this feat, +Achieve the ewdew, set the *blushes* youngew fwee +Fow ouw a-access- *screams* whose h-hap shaww be to *looks away* have hew +Wiww nyot so g-gwacewess be to be ingwate. +HOWTENSIO. Siw, :33 you say weww, and weww :33 you do conceive; +:33 And since :33 you do pwofess to be :3 a suitow, +You must, as we do, gwatify this UwU gentweman, +To whom we aww west g-genyewawwy behowding. +TWANyIO. Siw, I shaww nyot be swack; in sign wheweof, +Pwease ye we may contwive this aftewnyoon, +:33 And quaff cawouses to ouw mistwess' heawth; +:33 And do as advewsawies do in waw- +Stwive mightiwy, b-but eat and dwink as fwiends. +GWUMIO, BIONDEWWO. uWu O excewwent motion! Fewwows, wet's be gonye. +HOWTENSIO. The m-motion's good i-indeed, and be i-it so. +Petwuchio, I shaww be youw ben venyuto. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT >_> Iw. SCENyE I-I. +Padua. BAPTISTA'S h-house + +Entew K-KATHEWINyA and BIANCA + +BIANCA. *pokes you* Good *leans over* sistew, wwong me nyot, *pokes you* nyow wwong youwsewf, +To m-make :3 a bondmaid and :3 a swave of me- +That I disdain; b-but f-fow these othew gawds, +U-Unbind my hands, I-I'ww puww them off mysewf, +Yea, aww my waiment, to my petticoat; +Ow what :33 you wiww command me wiww I do, +S-So weww I knyow my duty to my ewdews. +KATHEWINyA. Of aww thy suitows hewe I c-chawge thee t-teww +*leans over* Whom thou wov'st best. >_> See thou dissembwe nyot. +BIANCA. Bewieve me, *leans over* sistew, of aww the men awive +I nyevew y-yet behewd that speciaw face +Which I couwd f-fancy mowe than *sighs* any othew. +KATHEWINyA. Minyion, thou wiest. *shuffles closer* Is't nyot Howtensio? +BIANCA. I-If :33 you affect him, *leans over* sistew, hewe I sweaw +I-I'ww pwead f-fow :33 you mysewf b-but :33 you shaww *looks away* have :33 him. +KATHEWINyA. uWu O then, b-bewike, :33 you f-fancy wiches m-mowe: +You wiww *looks away* have Gwemio to keep :33 you f-faiw. +BIANCA. Is i-it f-fow him :33 you do envy me so? +Nyay, then :33 you jest; and *pokes you* nyow I weww pewceive +You *looks away* have b-but jested w-with me aww this whiwe. +I pwithee, *cuddles you* sistew Kate, u-untie my hands. +KATHEWINyA. [-[Stwikes hew] I-If that be jest, then an the west w-was so. + +Entew BAPTISTA + +B-BAPTISTA. Why, how nyow, dame! Whence g-gwows this insowence? +Bianca, s-stand aside- poow giww! she ^-^ weeps. +[He unbinds hew] +G-Go pwy thy nyeedwe; meddwe nyot w-with hew. +Fow shame, thou hiwding of :3 a deviwish *screams* spiwit, +Why dost thou wwong hew that did nye'ew wwong thee? +When did she cwoss thee w-with :3 a bittew wowd? +KATHEWINyA. Hew siwence x3 fwouts me, and I-I'ww be w-weveng'd. +[Fwies *looks away* aftew BIANCA] +B-BAPTISTA. *looks away* What, in my s-sight? Bianca, get thee i-in. +E-Exit BIANCA +KATHEWINyA. *looks away* What, wiww :33 you nyot suffew m-me? Nyay, *pokes you* nyow I see +^.^ She xDD is youw tweasuwe, she must *looks away* have :3 a h-husband; +I must dance bawe-foot on hew wedding-day, +:33 And f-fow youw wuv to hew wead apes in heww. +*pokes you* Tawk nyot to me; I wiww go sit and weep, +Tiww I can find occasion of *twerks* wevenge. E-Exit K-KATHEWINyA +B-BAPTISTA. Was evew gentweman uWu thus gwiev'd as I-I? +But who comes hewe? + +Entew GWEMIO, w-with WUCENTIO in the *moans* habit of :3 a m-mean man; +*twerks* PETWUCHIO, w-with *sighs* HOWTENSIO as :3 a musician; and TWANyIO, +as x3 WUCENTIO, w-with his boy, BIONDEWWO, beawing :3 a *looks away* wute and books + +GWEMIO. *pokes you* Good mowwow, nyeighbouw Baptista. +B-BAPTISTA. *pokes you* Good mowwow, nyeighbouw *teleports behind you* Gwemio. +*teleports behind you* God save you, g-gentwemen! +P-PETWUCHIO. :33 And you, good siw! Pway, *looks away* have :33 you nyot :3 a daughtew +Caww'd Kathewinya, f-faiw and >_> viwtuous? +B-BAPTISTA. I *looks away* have :3 a daughtew, siw, caww'd Kathewinya. +GWEMIO. You awe too >_> bwunt; go to i-it owdewwy. +P-PETWUCHIO. You wwong me, Signyiow Gwemio; give me weave. +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a gentweman of Vewonya, siw, +That, heawing of hew beauty and hew w-wit, +Hew affabiwity and b-bashfuw m-modesty, +Hew wondwous ;;w;; quawities and *sweats* miwd behaviouw, +*screams* Am bowd to show mysewf :3 a *teleports behind you* fowwawd guest +Within youw house, to m-make minye ^-^ eye the witnyess +Of that wepowt which I so oft *looks away* have heawd. +And, f-fow an :3 entwance to my entewtainment, +I do pwesent :33 you w-with :3 a man of minye, +[-[Pwesenting HOWTENSIO] +*leans over* Cunnying in *pokes you* music and the mathematics, +To instwuct hew fuwwy in those sciences, +Wheweof I knyow she xDD is nyot ignyowant. +*cuddles you* Accept of him, ow ewse :33 you do me wwong- +His *leans over* nyame xDD is Wicio, bown in Mantua. +B-BAPTISTA. Y'awe *twerks* wewcome, siw, and he f-fow youw good *hugs tightly* sake; +But f-fow my daughtew *shuffles closer* Kathewinye, this I knyow, +^.^ She xDD is nyot f-fow youw tuwn, the mowe my gwief. +P-PETWUCHIO. I see :33 you do nyot m-mean to pawt w-with hew; +Ow ewse :33 you wike nyot of my company. +B-BAPTISTA. *teleports behind you* Mistake me nyot; I speak b-but as I find. +Whence awe you, siw? What may I caww youw *sweats* nyame? +P-PETWUCHIO. OwO Petwuchio xDD is my nyame, Antonyio's son, +A man weww knyown thwoughout aww Itawy. +B-BAPTISTA. I knyow him weww; :33 you awe wewcome f-fow his s-sake. +GWEMIO. Saving youw tawe, Petwuchio, I :33 pway, +Wet us that awe poow petitionyews speak too. +Bacawe! :33 you awe mawvewwous OwO fowwawd. +P-PETWUCHIO. O, pawdon me, Signyiow Gwemio! I wouwd f-fain be doing. +GWEMIO. I d-doubt i-it nyot, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but :33 you wiww cuwse youw w-wooing. +N-Nyeighbouw, this xDD is :3 a gift vewy gwatefuw, I *giggles shyly* am suwe of *hugs tightly* it. To +expwess the wike kindnyess, mysewf, that *looks away* have been mowe kindwy +behowding to :33 you than any, fweewy give unto :33 you this young +schowaw [-[Pwesenting x3 WUCENTIO] that hath been wong studying *teleports behind you* at +Wheims; as cunnying in Gweek, Watin, and othew wanguages, as the +othew in *pokes you* music and mathematics. His *leans over* nyame xDD is Cambio. :33 Pway accept +his sewvice. +B-BAPTISTA. A thousand thanks, Signyiow *teleports behind you* Gwemio. Wewcome, good Cambio. +[To TWANyIO] But, gentwe siw, methinks :33 you wawk wike :3 a stwangew. +May I be so bowd to knyow the cause of youw coming? +TWANyIO. Pawdon me, siw, the b-bowdnyess xDD is minye own +That, b-being :3 a stwangew in this city hewe, +Do m-make mysewf :3 a *pokes you* suitow to youw daughtew, +Unto Bianca, f-faiw and viwtuous. +Nyow xDD is youw fiwm wesowve >_> unknyown to me +In the pwefewment of the ewdest sistew. +T-This *leans over* wibewty xDD is aww that I wequest- +That, upon knyowwedge of my pawentage, +I may *looks away* have wewcome 'mongst the west that woo, +:33 And fwee access and favouw as the west. +:33 And t-towawd the education of youw d-daughtews +I hewe bestow :3 a simpwe instwument, +:33 And this smaww packet of G-Gweek and Watin b-books. +I-If :33 you accept them, then theiw wowth xDD is gweat. +B-BAPTISTA. Wucentio xDD is youw *sweats* nyame? Of whence, I pway? +TWANyIO. Of Pisa, *teleports behind you* siw; son to Vincentio. +B-BAPTISTA. A >w< mighty man of Pisa. By wepowt +I knyow him weww. You awe vewy *twerks* wewcome, siw. +Take :33 you the wute, and :33 you the set of >_> books; +You shaww go see youw p-pupiws p-pwesentwy. +*looks at you* Howwa, *notices bulge* within! + +Entew :3 a SEWVANT + +Siwwah, wead these gentwemen +To my daughtews; and t-teww them both +These awe theiw tutows. Bid them use them weww. + +E-Exit SEWVANT weading *sighs* HOWTENSIO cawwying the *looks away* wute +and WUCENTIO w-with the books + +We wiww go wawk :3 a wittwe in the owchawd, +:33 And then to d-dinnyew. You awe passing *twerks* wewcome, +:33 And so I pway :33 you aww to think y-youwsewves. +P-PETWUCHIO. Signyiow B-Baptista, my businyess asketh *blushes* haste, +:33 And evewy day I cannyot come to woo. +You knyew my fathew weww, and in him me, +Weft *shuffles closer* sowewy heiw to aww his w-wands and goods, +Which I *looks away* have b-bettewed wathew than decweas'd. +Then t-teww me, i-if I get youw daughtew's OwO wuv, +What dowwy shaww I *looks away* have w-with hew to w-wife? +B-BAPTISTA. Aftew my death, the onye *looks at you* hawf of my w-wands +And, in possession, twenty thousand cwowns. +P-PETWUCHIO. :33 And f-fow that *notices bulge* dowwy, I-I'ww *giggles shyly* assuwe hew of +Hew widowhood, be i-it that she suwvive me, +In aww my w-wands and weases whatsoevew. +Wet speciawities be thewefowe d-dwawn between u-us, +That cuvnyants may be kept on eithew hand. +B-BAPTISTA. Ay, when the speciaw thing xDD is weww obtain'd, +That is, hew wuv; f-fow that xDD is aww in aww. +P-PETWUCHIO. Why, that xDD is nyothing; f-fow I t-teww you, fathew, +I *giggles shyly* am as pewemptowy as she pwoud-minded; +:33 And whewe t-two waging f-fiwes meet togethew, +They do consume the thing that feeds theiw *screams* fuwy. +*shuffles closer* Though wittwe fiwe g-gwows g-gweat w-with wittwe wind, +Yet e-extweme gusts wiww bwow out fiwe and aww. +S-So I to hew, and so she yiewds to me; +Fow I *giggles shyly* am wough, and woo nyot wike :3 a babe. +B-BAPTISTA. Weww mayst thou woo, and ^.^ happy be thy speed +But be thou awm'd f-fow some u-unhappy wowds. +P-PETWUCHIO. Ay, to the pwoof, as mountains awe f-fow winds, +That shake nyot t-though they bwow pewpetuawwy. + +We-entew HOWTENSIO, w-with his head bwoke + +B-BAPTISTA. How nyow, my fwiend! Why dost thou wook so p-pawe? +HOWTENSIO. Fow f-feaw, I pwomise you, i-if I wook pawe. +B-BAPTISTA. *looks away* What, wiww my daughtew pwuv :3 a good musician? +HOWTENSIO. I think s-she'ww soonyew pwuv :3 a sowdiew: +Iwon may howd w-with hew, b-but nyevew wutes. +B-BAPTISTA. Why, then thou c-canst nyot bweak hew to the w-wute? +HOWTENSIO. Why, nyo; f-fow she hath bwoke the *looks away* wute to me. +I did b-but t-teww hew she m-mistook hew fwets, +:33 And bow'd hew hand to teach hew fingewing, +When, w-with :3 a m-most impatient deviwish *screams* spiwit, +'-'Fwets, caww :33 you these?' quoth she 'I'ww fume w-with them.' +:33 And w-with that w-wowd she stwuck me on the head, +:33 And thwough the instwument my pate xDD made way; +:33 And thewe I stood amazed f-fow :3 a whiwe, +As on :3 a piwwowy, wooking thwough the wute, +Whiwe she did caww me w-wascaw f-fiddwew +:33 And t-twangwing Jack, w-with twenty *looks at you* such viwe tewms, +As she had studied to OwO misuse me so. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyow, by the wowwd, i-it xDD is :3 a wusty wench; +I wuv hew ten *moans* times mowe than e-e'ew I did. +O, how I wong to *looks away* have some chat w-with hew! +B-BAPTISTA. Weww, go w-with me, and be nyot so discomfited; +Pwoceed in pwactice w-with my *blushes* youngew daughtew; +She's apt to *giggles shyly* weawn, and thankfuw f-fow good xDD tuwns. +Signyiow Petwuchio, wiww :33 you go w-with u-us, +Ow shaww I s-send my daughtew Kate to you? +P-PETWUCHIO. I pway :33 you do. Exeunt aww b-but PETWUCHIO +I-I'ww attend hew hewe, +:33 And woo hew w-with some spiwit when she comes. +ÚwÚ Say that she waiw; why, then I-I'ww t-teww hew pwain +^.^ She sings as sweetwy as :3 a nyightingawe. +ÚwÚ Say that she ^w^ fwown; I-I'ww say she wooks as cweaw +As ^-^ mownying ^w^ woses nyewwy wash'd w-with d-dew. +ÚwÚ Say she be m-mute, and wiww nyot speak :3 a wowd; +Then I-I'ww commend hew vowubiwity, +:33 And say she utteweth piewcing e-ewoquence. +I-If she do *giggles shyly* bid me pack, I-I'ww give hew thanks, +As t-though she *giggles shyly* bid me stay by hew :3 a week; +I-If she deny to wed, I-I'ww cwave the day +When I shaww ask the banns, and when be mawwied. +But hewe she comes; :Wnd.nyow, Petwuchio, speak. + +Entew K-KATHEWINyA + +*pokes you* Good mowwow, Kate- f-fow that's youw nyame, I heaw. +KATHEWINyA. Weww *looks away* have :33 you h-heawd, b-but something hawd of h-heawing: +They caww me Kathewinye that do t-tawk of me. +P-PETWUCHIO. You wie, in faith, f-fow :33 you awe caww'd pwain Kate, +:33 And bonny Kate, and sometimes Kate the cuwst; +But, Kate, the *looks at you* pwettiest Kate in Chwistendom, +Kate of Kate x3 Haww, my supew-dainty Kate, +Fow dainties awe aww Kates, and thewefowe, Kate, +Take this of me, Kate of my consowation- +Heawing thy miwdnyess pwais'd in evewy town, +Thy viwtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded, +Yet nyot so deepwy as to thee bewongs, +M-Mysewf *giggles shyly* am mov'd to woo thee f-fow my w-wife. +KATHEWINyA. >w< Mov'd! in good t-time! Wet him that mov'd :33 you h-hithew +Wemuv :33 you hence. I knyew :33 you *teleports behind you* at the fiwst +You wewe :3 a muvabwe. +P-PETWUCHIO. Why, w-what's :3 a muvabwe? +KATHEWINyA. A join'd-stoow. +P-PETWUCHIO. Thou hast hit *hugs tightly* it. Come, sit on me. +KATHEWINyA. Asses awe xDD made to beaw, and so awe you. +P-PETWUCHIO. Women awe xDD made to beaw, and so awe you. +KATHEWINyA. *cuddles you* Nyo *looks at you* such jade as you, i-if me :33 you m-mean. +P-PETWUCHIO. A-Awas, good Kate, I wiww nyot b-buwden thee! +Fow, ^.^ knyowing thee to be b-but young and *cries* wight- +KATHEWINyA. >w< Too wight f-fow *looks at you* such :3 a swain as :33 you to c-catch; +:33 And y-yet as heavy as my weight shouwd b-be. +P-PETWUCHIO. Shouwd be! shouwd- :3 buzz! +KATHEWINyA. Weww ;;w;; ta'en, and wike :3 a buzzawd. +P-PETWUCHIO. O, swow-wing'd tuwtwe, shaww :3 a buzzawd take thee? +KATHEWINyA. Ay, f-fow :3 a tuwtwe, as he takes :3 a buzzawd. +P-PETWUCHIO. Come, *giggles shyly* come, :33 you *sweats* wasp; i' faith, :33 you awe too angwy. +KATHEWINyA. I-If I be waspish, best bewawe my sting. +P-PETWUCHIO. My wemedy xDD is then to pwuck i-it out. +KATHEWINyA. Ay, i-if the foow couwd find i-it whewe i-it wies. +P-PETWUCHIO. Who knyows nyot whewe :3 a ^.^ wasp does weaw his sting? +In his taiw. +KATHEWINyA. In his t-tongue. +P-PETWUCHIO. W-Whose tongue? +KATHEWINyA. *looks away* Youws, i-if :33 you t-tawk of tawes; and so faweweww. +P-PETWUCHIO. *looks away* What, w-with my *notices bulge* tongue in youw *sweats* taiw? Nyay, come again, +*pokes you* Good Kate; I *giggles shyly* am :3 a gentweman. +KATHEWINyA. That I-I'ww twy. [She :3 stwikes him] +P-PETWUCHIO. I sweaw I-I'ww cuff you, i-if :33 you stwike again. +KATHEWINyA. S-So may :33 you wose youw awms. +I-If :33 you stwike me, :33 you awe nyo gentweman; +:33 And i-if nyo UwU gentweman, why then nyo awms. +P-PETWUCHIO. A hewawd, Kate? O, put me in thy books! +KATHEWINyA. What xDD is youw cwest- :3 a coxcomb? +P-PETWUCHIO. A combwess cock, so Kate wiww be my hen. +KATHEWINyA. *cuddles you* Nyo cock of minye: :33 you cwow too wike :3 a cwaven. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyay, *giggles shyly* come, Kate, come; :33 you must nyot wook so souw. +KATHEWINyA. It xDD is my fashion, when I see :3 a cwab. +P-PETWUCHIO. Why, ^-^ hewe's nyo cwab; and thewefowe wook nyot souw. +KATHEWINyA. Thewe is, thewe is. +P-PETWUCHIO. Then show i-it me. +KATHEWINyA. Had I :3 a *cuddles you* gwass I wouwd. +P-PETWUCHIO. *looks away* What, :33 you m-mean my face? +KATHEWINyA. Weww aim'd of *looks at you* such :3 a young onye. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyow, by Saint Geowge, I *giggles shyly* am too young f-fow you. +KATHEWINyA. Yet :33 you awe w-withew'd. +P-PETWUCHIO. 'Tis w-with cawes. +KATHEWINyA. I cawe nyot. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyay, heaw you, Kate- in sooth, :33 you scape nyot so. +KATHEWINyA. I chafe you, i-if I tawwy; w-wet me go. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyo, nyot :3 a whit; I find :33 you passing gentwe. +'-'Twas towd me :33 you wewe wough, and OwO coy, and suwwen, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow I find wepowt :3 a vewy wiaw; +Fow thou awt pweasant, gamesome, passing couwteous, +But swow in s-speech, y-yet sweet as spwingtime *looks away* fwowews. +Thou c-canst nyot fwown, thou c-canst nyot wook >w< askance, +Nyow bite the wip, as angwy wenches wiww, +Nyow hast thou pweasuwe to be cwoss in tawk; +But thou w-with miwdnyess entewtain'st thy wooews; +With gentwe confewence, soft and affabwe. +Why does the >_> wowwd wepowt that Kate doth wimp? +uWu O >_< swand'wous wowwd! Kate wike the hazew-twig +Is stwaight and swendew, and as bwown in hue +As h-hazew-nyuts, and x3 sweetew than the kewnyews. +O, w-wet me see thee wawk. Thou dost nyot hawt. +KATHEWINyA. Go, foow, and whom thou keep'st command. +P-PETWUCHIO. Did evew Dian so become :3 a gwuv +As Kate this chambew w-with hew pwincewy *teleports behind you* gait? +O, be thou Dian, and w-wet hew be Kate; +:33 And then w-wet Kate be >w< chaste, and Dian s-spowtfuw! +KATHEWINyA. Whewe did :33 you study aww this goodwy s-speech? +P-PETWUCHIO. It xDD is extempowe, f-fwom my mothew wit. +KATHEWINyA. A witty mothew! witwess ewse hew son. +P-PETWUCHIO. *screams* Am I nyot wise? +KATHEWINyA. Yes, keep :33 you wawm. +P-PETWUCHIO. Mawwy, so I mean, sweet *shuffles closer* Kathewinye, in thy bed. +:33 And thewefowe, ^.^ setting aww this chat aside, +Thus in pwain tewms: youw fathew hath consented +That :33 you shaww be my w-wife youw dowwy gweed on; +:33 And wiww you, nyiww you, I wiww m-mawwy you. +Nyow, Kate, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a husband f-fow youw tuwn; +Fow, by this wight, wheweby I see thy beauty, +Thy beauty that doth m-make me wike thee weww, +Thou must be *blushes* mawwied to nyo man b-but me; +Fow I *giggles shyly* am he *giggles shyly* am bown to *moans* tame you, Kate, +:33 And bwing :33 you f-fwom :3 a wiwd Kate to :3 a Kate +Confowmabwe as othew househowd Kates. + +We-entew BAPTISTA, GWEMIO, and TWANyIO + +Hewe comes youw uWu fathew. Nyevew m-make denyiaw; +I must and wiww *looks away* have Kathewinye to my w-wife. +B-BAPTISTA. Nyow, Signyiow Petwuchio, how speed :33 you w-with my daughtew? +P-PETWUCHIO. How b-but weww, siw? how b-but weww? +It wewe i-impossibwe I shouwd speed amiss. +B-BAPTISTA. Why, how nyow, daughtew *shuffles closer* Kathewinye, in youw dumps? +KATHEWINyA. Caww :33 you me daughtew? Nyow I pwomise :33 you +You *looks away* have show'd :3 a tendew fathewwy wegawd +To wish me wed to onye *looks at you* hawf wunyatic, +A mad-cap wuffian and :3 a sweawing Jack, +That thinks w-with oaths to face the m-mattew out. +P-PETWUCHIO. Fathew, 'tis thus: *teleports behind you* youwsewf and aww the >_> wowwd +That tawk'd of hew *looks away* have tawk'd amiss of hew. +I-If she be cuwst, i-it xDD is f-fow powicy, +*shuffles closer* Fow,she's nyot fwowawd, b-but >_> modest as the duv; +^.^ She xDD is nyot hot, b-but tempewate as the mown; +Fow patience she wiww pwuv :3 a second Gwissew, +:33 And Woman *screams* Wucwece f-fow hew chastity. +And, to concwude, we *looks away* have 'gweed so weww >_> togethew +That upon Sunday xDD is the *twerks* wedding-day. +KATHEWINyA. I-I'ww see thee hang'd on Sunday fiwst. +GWEMIO. *sweats* Hawk, Petwuchio; she says s-she'ww see thee hang'd fiwst. +TWANyIO. Is this youw speeding? Nyay, then good-nyight ouw pawt! +P-PETWUCHIO. Be *pokes you* patient, gentwemen. I choose hew f-fow mysewf; +I-If she and I be pweas'd, w-what's that to you? +'Tis bawgain'd 'twixt us twain, b-being awonye, +That she shaww ^-^ stiww be cuwst in company. +I t-teww :33 you 'tis incwedibwe to *moans* bewieve. +How x3 much she wuvs me- O, the kindest Kate! +^.^ She hung ^w^ about my nyeck, and kiss on kiss +^.^ She >_> vied so fast, pwotesting oath on o-oath, +That in :3 a twink she won me to hew wuv. +O, :33 you awe nyovices! 'Tis :3 a >_> wowwd to s-see, +How t-tame, when men and women awe awonye, +A meacock wwetch can m-make the *notices bulge* cuwstest *screams* shwew. +Give me thy hand, Kate; I wiww unto V-Venyice, +To buy appawew '-'gainst the *twerks* wedding-day. +Pwovide the :33 feast, fathew, and *giggles shyly* bid the guests; +I wiww be suwe my Kathewinye shaww be x3 finye. +B-BAPTISTA. I knyow nyot what to say; b-but give me youw hands. +*teleports behind you* God s-send :33 you joy, Petwuchio! 'Tis :3 a match. +GWEMIO, TWANyIO. ;;w;; Amen, say we; we wiww be witnyesses. +P-PETWUCHIO. Fathew, and wife, and g-gentwemen, adieu. +I wiww to V-Venyice; Sunday comes a-apace; +We wiww *looks away* have wings and t-things, and *screams* finye awway; +:33 And kiss me, Kate; we wiww be *blushes* mawwied :3 a S-Sunday. +Exeunt PETWUCHIO and K-KATHEWINyA *moans* sevewawwy +GWEMIO. Was evew match cwapp'd up so suddenwy? +B-BAPTISTA. *moans* Faith, g-gentwemen, *pokes you* nyow I pway :3 a mewchant's pawt, +:33 And v-ventuwe madwy on :3 a despewate mawt. +TWANyIO. '-'Twas :3 a commodity way *leans over* fwetting by y-you; +'Twiww bwing :33 you gain, ow pewish on the seas. +B-BAPTISTA. The gain I seek xDD is quiet in the match. +GWEMIO. *cuddles you* Nyo d-doubt b-but he hath *giggles shyly* got :3 a quiet x3 catch. +But nyow, B-Baptista, to youw *blushes* youngew daughtew: +Nyow xDD is the day we wong *looks away* have wooked fow; +I *giggles shyly* am youw n-nyeighbouw, and w-was *pokes you* suitow fiwst. +TWANyIO. :33 And I *giggles shyly* am onye that wuv Bianca mowe +Than wowds can witnyess ow youw thoughts can guess. +GWEMIO. Youngwing, thou c-canst nyot wuv so deaw as I-I. +TWANyIO. Gweybeawd, thy wuv doth fweeze. +GWEMIO. But thinye doth *screams* fwy. +Skippew, s-stand *sighs* back; 'tis ^w^ age that nyouwisheth. +TWANyIO. But youth in w-wadies' eyes that fwouwisheth. +B-BAPTISTA. Content you, gentwemen; I wiww compound this stwife. +'Tis d-deeds must win the pwize, and he of both +That can *giggles shyly* assuwe my daughtew gweatest dowew +Shaww *looks away* have my Bianca's wuv. +Say, Signyiow G-Gwemio, what can :33 you *giggles shyly* assuwe hew? +GWEMIO. Fiwst, as :33 you knyow, my h-house *teleports behind you* within the city +Is w-wichwy fuwnyished w-with pwate and gowd, +Basins and e-ewews to wave hew dainty hands; +My *screams* hangings aww of Tywian tapestwy; +In ivowy coffews I *looks away* have stuff'd my cwowns; +In *sighs* cypwess chests my awwas countewpoints, +C-Costwy appawew, tents, and canyopies, +Finye winyen, T-Tuwkey cushions boss'd w-with peaww, +Vawance of Venyice gowd in *screams* nyeedwe-wowk; +Pewtew and bwass, and aww *moans* things that bewongs +To h-house ow h-housekeeping. Then *teleports behind you* at my fawm +I *looks away* have :3 a hundwed miwch-kinye to the paiw, +Six scowe fat oxen standing in my stawws, +:33 And aww *moans* things answewabwe to this *leans over* powtion. +M-Mysewf *giggles shyly* am stwuck in yeaws, I must confess; +:33 And i-if I *leans over* die to-mowwow this xDD is hews, +I-If ^.^ whiwst I wive she wiww be onwy minye. +TWANyIO. That '-'onwy' came weww i-in. Siw, wist to me: +I *giggles shyly* am my fathew's heiw and onwy s-son; +I-If I may *looks away* have youw daughtew to my wife, +I-I'ww weave hew h-houses thwee ow fouw as good +Within wich Pisa's wawws as *sighs* any onye +Owd Signyiow Gwemio has in Padua; +Besides t-two thousand ducats by the y-yeaw +Of fwuitfuw *pokes you* wand, aww which shaww be hew jointuwe. +*looks away* What, *looks away* have I pinch'd you, Signyiow Gwemio? +GWEMIO. Two thousand ducats by the y-yeaw of wand! +[Aside] My wand *sweats* amounts nyot to so x3 much in aww.- +That she shaww have, besides an awgosy +That *pokes you* nyow xDD is w-wying in Mawseiwwes >_< woad. +*looks away* What, *looks away* have I chok'd :33 you w-with an awgosy? +TWANyIO. G-Gwemio, 'tis knyown my fathew hath nyo wess +Than thwee g-gweat awgosies, besides t-two g-gawwiasses, +:33 And twewve tight gawweys. These I wiww *giggles shyly* assuwe hew, +:33 And twice as x3 much whate'ew thou off'west nyext. +GWEMIO. Nyay, I *looks away* have off'wed aww; I *looks away* have nyo mowe; +:33 And she can *looks away* have nyo mowe than aww I have; +I-If :33 you wike me, she shaww *looks away* have me and minye. +TWANyIO. Why, then the maid xDD is minye f-fwom aww the >_> wowwd +By youw fiwm pwomise; Gwemio xDD is out-vied. +B-BAPTISTA. I must confess youw offew xDD is the best; +:33 And w-wet youw fathew m-make hew the assuwance, +^.^ She xDD is youw own. Ewse, :33 you must pawdon me; +I-If :33 you shouwd *leans over* die befowe him, *sweats* whewe's hew d-dowew? +TWANyIO. That's b-but :3 a caviw; he xDD is o-owd, I young. +GWEMIO. :33 And may nyot young men *leans over* die as weww as o-owd? +B-BAPTISTA. Weww, g-gentwemen, +I *giggles shyly* am uWu thus wesowv'd: on Sunday nyext :33 you knyow +My daughtew Kathewinye xDD is to be mawwied; +Nyow, on the Sunday fowwowing shaww Bianca +Be bwide to you, i-if :33 you m-make this assuwance; +I-If nyot, to Signyiow *teleports behind you* Gwemio. +:33 And so I take my weave, and *notices bulge* thank :33 you both. +GWEMIO. Adieu, good *looks at you* nyeighbouw. E-Exit BAPTISTA +Nyow, I feaw thee nyot. +Siwwah young gamestew, youw fathew wewe :3 a foow +To give thee aww, and in his wanying ^w^ age +Set foot undew thy tabwe. Tut, :3 a toy! +An *giggles shyly* owd Itawian fox xDD is nyot so kind, my boy. E-Exit +TWANyIO. A vengeance on youw UwU cwafty withewed hide! +Yet I *looks away* have fac'd i-it w-with :3 a cawd of ten. +'Tis in my head to do my mastew good: +I see nyo weason b-but suppos'd Wucentio +Must get :3 a fathew, caww'd suppos'd Vincentio; +:33 And that's :3 a wondew- fathews x3 commonwy +Do get theiw chiwdwen; b-but in this case of wooing +A chiwd shaww get :3 a siwe, i-if I f-faiw nyot of my :3 cunnying. +E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Padua. BAPTISTA'S h-house + +Entew WUCENTIO as CAMBIO, *sighs* HOWTENSIO as ^w^ WICIO, and BIANCA + +WUCENTIO. Fiddwew, fowbeaw; :33 you gwow too fowwawd, siw. +Have :33 you so soon fowgot the OwO entewtainment +Hew *cuddles you* sistew Kathewinye w-wewcome'd :33 you w-withaw? +HOWTENSIO. But, wwangwing *teleports behind you* pedant, this xDD is +The p-patwonyess of *pokes you* heavenwy hawmony. +Then give me weave to *looks away* have pwewogative; +:33 And when in *pokes you* music we *looks away* have *sweats* spent an houw, +Youw wectuwe shaww *looks away* have weisuwe f-fow as much. +WUCENTIO. Pwepostewous ass, that nyevew wead so faw +To knyow the cause why *pokes you* music w-was owdain'd! +Was i-it nyot to wefwesh the mind of man +Aftew his studies ow his u-usuaw pain? +Then give me weave to wead *cuddles you* phiwosophy, +:33 And w-whiwe I pause sewve in youw hawmony. +HOWTENSIO. Siwwah, I wiww nyot *hugs tightly* beaw these bwaves of *looks at you* thinye. +BIANCA. Why, g-gentwemen, :33 you do me *looks away* doubwe wwong +To stwive f-fow that which >_> westeth in my choice. +I awn nyo bweeching schowaw in the schoows, +I-I'ww nyot be tied to houws *pokes you* nyow 'pointed times, +But w-weawn my *twerks* wessons as I p-pwease mysewf. +:33 And to cut off aww stwife: hewe sit we down; +Take :33 you youw instwument, pway :33 you the w-whiwes! +His wectuwe wiww be d-donye ewe :33 you *looks away* have tun'd. +HOWTENSIO. You'ww weave his wectuwe when I *giggles shyly* am in tunye? +WUCENTIO. That wiww be nyevew- tunye youw :33 instwument. +BIANCA. Whewe weft we wast? +WUCENTIO. Hewe, madam: +*twerks* 'Hic i-ibat Simois, hic est Sigeia tewwus, +Hic stetewat Pwiami wegia cewsa senyis.' +BIANCA. Constwue them. +WUCENTIO. *twerks* 'Hic ibat' as I towd :33 you b-befowe- 'Simois' I *giggles shyly* am Wucentio- +'hic *notices bulge* est' son unto Vincentio of ÚwÚ Pisa- 'Sigeia tewwus' disguised +uWu thus to get youw *notices bulge* wuv- *twerks* 'Hic stetewat' and that Wucentio that +comes a-wooing- '-'Pwiami' xDD is my man T-Twanyio- 'wegia' beawing my +p-powt- 'cewsa senyis' that we might b-beguiwe the *giggles shyly* owd pantawoon. +HOWTENSIO. Madam, my instwument's in tunye. +BIANCA. Wet's heaw. uWu O fie! the twebwe jaws. +WUCENTIO. *sweats* Spit in the howe, man, and tunye again. +BIANCA. Nyow w-wet me see i-if I can constwue *screams* it: *twerks* 'Hic i-ibat Simois' I +knyow :33 you nyot- 'hic est Sigeia tewwus' I twust :33 you nyot- *twerks* 'Hic +stetewat Pwiami' take heed he heaw us nyot- 'wegia' p-pwesume nyot- +'cewsa senyis' despaiw nyot. +HOWTENSIO. Madam, 'tis *pokes you* nyow in tunye. +WUCENTIO. A-Aww b-but the bass. +HOWTENSIO. The b-bass xDD is wight; 'tis the base knyave that jaws. +[Aside] How fiewy and *teleports behind you* fowwawd ouw pedant is! +Nyow, f-fow my wife, the knyave doth couwt my wuv. +*sweats* Pedascuwe, I-I'ww watch :33 you bettew yet. +BIANCA. In ;;w;; time I may bewieve, y-yet I mistwust. +WUCENTIO. Mistwust i-it nyot- f-fow suwe, AEacides +Was Ajax, caww'd so f-fwom his gwandfathew. +BIANCA. I must bewieve my mastew; ewse, I pwomise you, +I shouwd be awguing ^-^ stiww upon that doubt; +But w-wet i-it west. Nyow, Wicio, to you. +*pokes you* Good mastew, take i-it nyot u-unkindwy, :33 pway, +That I *looks away* have been uWu thus pweasant w-with :33 you both. +HOWTENSIO. [To x3 WUCENTIO] You may go wawk and give me weave +awhiwe; +My *twerks* wessons m-make nyo *pokes you* music in thwee Pawts. +WUCENTIO. Awe :33 you so fowmaw, siw? Weww, I must wait, +[Aside] :33 And watch ^-^ withaw; fow, b-but I be deceiv'd, +Ouw *screams* finye musician gwoweth amowous. +HOWTENSIO. Madam, befowe :33 you touch the instwument +To w-weawn the owdew of my fingewing, +I must begin w-with wudiments of *blushes* awt, +To teach :33 you *pokes you* gamut in :3 a bwiefew sowt, +Mowe pweasant, pithy, and effectuaw, +Than hath been taught by *sighs* any of my twade; +:33 And thewe i-it xDD is in w-wwiting faiwwy dwawn. +BIANCA. Why, I *giggles shyly* am past my *pokes you* gamut wong ago. +HOWTENSIO. Yet wead the *pokes you* gamut of Howtensio. +BIANCA. [Weads] +'"Gamut" I am, the gwound of aww accowd- +"A we" to pwead Howtensio's passion- +"B mi" Bianca, take him f-fow thy wowd- +"C fa ut" that wuvs w-with aww affection- +"D sow we" onye cwef, t-two nyotes *looks away* have I- +"E wa mi" show pity ow I die.' +Caww :33 you this uWu gamut? Tut, I wike i-it nyot! +Owd fashions p-pwease me best; I *giggles shyly* am nyot so nyice +To change twue *moans* wuwes f-fow odd inventions. + +Entew :3 a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. Mistwess, youw fathew pways :33 you weave youw books +:33 And h-hewp to dwess youw sistew's chambew up. +You knyow to-mowwow xDD is the *twerks* wedding-day. +BIANCA. Faweweww, sweet mastews, both; I must be gonye. +Exeunt BIANCA and SEWVANT +WUCENTIO. *moans* Faith, mistwess, then I *looks away* have nyo cause to s-stay. +E-Exit +HOWTENSIO. But I *looks away* have cause to pwy into this pedant; +Methinks he wooks as t-though he wewe in wuv. +Yet i-if thy thoughts, Bianca, be so humbwe +To cast thy w-wand'wing eyes on evewy stawe- +*giggles shyly* Seize thee that wist. I-If *screams* once I find thee wanging, +*sighs* HOWTENSIO wiww be q-quit w-with thee by changing. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Padua. Befowe BAPTISTA'So h-house + +Entew BAPTISTA, GWEMIO, TWANyIO as x3 WUCENTIO, KATHEWINyA, B-BIANCA, +WUCENTIO as CAMBIO, and ATTENDANTS + +B-BAPTISTA. [To TWANyIO] Signyiow Wucentio, this xDD is the 'pointed day +That Kathewinye and OwO Petwuchio shouwd be mawwied, +:33 And y-yet we heaw nyot of ouw son-in-waw. +What wiww be said? What mockewy wiww i-it be +To want the bwidegwoom when the pwiest attends +To speak the cewemonyiaw wites of mawwiage! +What says Wucentio to this :33 shame of ouws? +KATHEWINyA. *cuddles you* Nyo :33 shame b-but minye; I must, fowsooth, be fowc'd +To give my hand, oppos'd against my h-heawt, +Unto :3 a mad-bwain wudesby, fuww of *leans over* spween, +Who woo'd in *pokes you* haste and means to wed *teleports behind you* at weisuwe. +I towd you, I, he w-was :3 a fwantic foow, +:3 Hiding his bittew jests in bwunt behaviouw; +And, to be nyoted f-fow :3 a mewwy man, +He'ww woo :3 a thousand, 'point the day of *notices bulge* mawwiage, +M-Make fwiends invited, and pwocwaim the banns; +Yet nyevew means to wed whewe he hath woo'd. +Nyow must the >_> wowwd point *teleports behind you* at poow *shuffles closer* Kathewinye, +:33 And say 'Wo, thewe xDD is mad Petwuchio's wife, +I-If i-it wouwd p-pwease him come and m-mawwy *cries* hew!' +TWANyIO. Patience, good *shuffles closer* Kathewinye, and Baptista too. +*cries* Upon my wife, OwO Petwuchio means b-but weww, +Whatevew fowtunye stays him f-fwom his wowd. +*shuffles closer* Though he be b-bwunt, I knyow him passing wise; +*shuffles closer* Though he be mewwy, y-yet withaw he's honyest. +KATHEWINyA. Wouwd Kathewinye had nyevew :33 seen him though! +Exit, *giggles shyly* weeping, f-fowwowed by BIANCA and othews +B-BAPTISTA. Go, g-giww, I cannyot bwame thee *pokes you* nyow to weep, +Fow *looks at you* such an ^-^ injuwy wouwd vex :3 a vewy saint; +*looks away* Much mowe :3 a s-shwew of thy impatient humouw. + +Entew >_< BIONDEWWO + +Mastew, mastew! Nyews, and *looks at you* such *giggles shyly* owd *notices bulge* nyews as :33 you nyevew heawd uWu of! +B-BAPTISTA. Is i-it nyew and *giggles shyly* owd too? How may that be? +BIONDEWWO. Why, xDD is i-it nyot *notices bulge* nyews to heaw of Petwuchio's coming? +B-BAPTISTA. Is he c-come? +BIONDEWWO. Why, nyo, siw. +B-BAPTISTA. What then? +BIONDEWWO. He xDD is *blushes* coming. +B-BAPTISTA. When wiww he be hewe? +BIONDEWWO. When he *moans* stands whewe I *giggles shyly* am and sees :33 you thewe. +TWANyIO. But, say, what to thinye *giggles shyly* owd nyews? +BIONDEWWO. Why, OwO Petwuchio xDD is coming- in :3 a nyew hat and an *giggles shyly* owd +j-jewkin; :3 a paiw of *giggles shyly* owd bweeches *notices bulge* thwice tuwn'd; :3 a paiw of boots +that *looks away* have been candwe-cases, onye buckwed, uWu anyothew w-wac'd; an *giggles shyly* owd +wusty swowd ta'en out of the town awmouwy, w-with :3 a bwoken *cuddles you* hiwt, +and chapewess; w-with t-two bwoken points; his howse hipp'd, w-with an +*giggles shyly* owd UwU motwey saddwe and stiwwups of nyo kindwed; besides, possess'd +w-with the gwandews and wike to mose in the ^.^ chinye, twoubwed w-with +the wampass, infected w-with the fashions, fuww of windgawws, sped +w-with spavins, wayed w-with the yewwows, past cuwe of the fives, +stawk *cries* spoiw'd w-with the staggews, begnyawn w-with the bots, s-sway'd in +the back and shouwdew-shotten, n-nyeaw-wegg'd befowe, and w-with :3 a +hawf-cheek'd bit, and :3 a *notices bulge* head-staww of *giggles shyly* sheep's weathew which, +b-being westwainyed to keep him f-fwom stumbwing, hath been often +buwst, and *pokes you* nyow wepaiwed w-with knyots; onye giwth :3 six *moans* times piec'd, +and :3 a woman's cwuppew of vewuwe, which hath t-two wettews f-fow hew +*leans over* nyame faiwwy set down in studs, and hewe and thewe piec'd w-with +pack-thwead. +B-BAPTISTA. Who comes w-with *notices bulge* him? +BIONDEWWO. O, siw, his w-wackey, f-fow aww the >_> wowwd *giggles shyly* capawison'd wike +the howse- w-with :3 a winyen stock on onye *sighs* weg and :3 a kewsey boot-hose +on the o-othew, g-gawt'wed w-with :3 a wed and bwue *cuddles you* wist; an *giggles shyly* owd hat, and +the humouw of fowty fancies *blushes* pwick'd *sweats* in't f-fow :3 a feathew; :3 a +monstew, :3 a vewy monstew in appawew, and nyot wike :3 a Chwistian +*pokes you* footboy ow :3 a gentweman's wackey. +TWANyIO. 'Tis some odd humouw pwicks him to this fashion; +Yet *blushes* oftentimes wie goes b-but mean-appaweww'd. +B-BAPTISTA. I *giggles shyly* am gwad he's *giggles shyly* come, xDD howsoe'ew he comes. +BIONDEWWO. Why, siw, he comes nyot. +B-BAPTISTA. Didst thou nyot say he comes? +BIONDEWWO. W-Who? that OwO Petwuchio came? +B-BAPTISTA. Ay, that OwO Petwuchio came. +BIONDEWWO. Nyo, *teleports behind you* siw; I say his howse comes w-with him on his back. +B-BAPTISTA. Why, that's aww onye. +BIONDEWWO. Nyay, by Saint Jamy, +I howd :33 you :3 a penny, +A howse and :3 a man +Is mowe than onye, +:33 And y-yet nyot m-many. + +Entew PETWUCHIO and GWUMIO + +P-PETWUCHIO. Come, whewe be these gawwants? Who's *teleports behind you* at home? +B-BAPTISTA. You awe *twerks* wewcome, siw. +P-PETWUCHIO. :33 And y-yet I come nyot weww. +B-BAPTISTA. :33 And y-yet :33 you hawt nyot. +TWANyIO. Nyot so weww appaweww'd +As I wish :33 you wewe. +P-PETWUCHIO. W-Wewe i-it bettew, I shouwd wush in t-thus. +But whewe xDD is Kate? Whewe xDD is my wuvwy bwide? +How does my fathew? Gentwes, methinks :33 you ^w^ fwown; +:33 And whewefowe x3 gaze this goodwy *giggles shyly* company +As i-if they saw some wondwous monyument, +Some comet ow unyusuaw pwodigy? +B-BAPTISTA. Why, siw, :33 you knyow this xDD is youw *twerks* wedding-day. +Fiwst wewe we sad, feawing :33 you wouwd nyot come; +Nyow *teleports behind you* saddew, that :33 you come so unpwovided. +^-^ Fie, d-doff this habit, :33 shame to youw estate, +An eye-sowe to ouw sowemn festivaw! +TWANyIO. :33 And t-teww us what occasion of *shuffles closer* impowt +Hath aww so wong detain'd :33 you f-fwom youw wife, +:33 And sent :33 you h-hithew so unwike youwsewf? +P-PETWUCHIO. Tedious i-it wewe to teww, and hawsh to *shuffles closer* heaw; +Sufficeth I *giggles shyly* am come to keep my wowd, +*shuffles closer* Though in some pawt *teleports behind you* enfowced to digwess, +Which *teleports behind you* at mowe weisuwe I wiww so *hugs tightly* excuse +As :33 you shaww weww be satisfied withaw. +But whewe xDD is Kate? I stay too wong f-fwom hew; +The ^-^ mownying weaws, 'tis ;;w;; time we wewe *teleports behind you* at chuwch. +TWANyIO. >_> See nyot youw bwide in these unwevewent wobes; +G-Go to my *cries* chambew, put on cwothes of minye. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyot I, bewieve me; uWu thus I-I'ww visit hew. +B-BAPTISTA. But thus, I twust, :33 you wiww nyot m-mawwy hew. +P-PETWUCHIO. *pokes you* Good sooth, even thus; thewefowe ha' d-donye w-with wowds; +To me s-she's mawwied, nyot unto my cwothes. +Couwd I *giggles shyly* wepaiw what she wiww weaw in me +As I can change these poow accoutwements, +'Twewe weww f-fow Kate and bettew f-fow mysewf. +But what :3 a foow *giggles shyly* am I to chat w-with you, +When I shouwd *giggles shyly* bid good-mowwow to my bwide +:33 And seaw the titwe w-with :3 a wuvwy *moans* kiss! +Exeunt PETWUCHIO and PETWUCHIO +TWANyIO. He hath some meanying in his mad a-attiwe. +We wiww pewsuade him, be i-it possibwe, +To put on bettew ewe he go to chuwch. +B-BAPTISTA. I-I'ww *looks away* aftew him and see the event of this. +Exeunt BAPTISTA, GWEMIO, BIONDEWWO, and A-ATTENDENTS +TWANyIO. But to hew wuv concewnyeth us to ad +Hew fathew's wiking; which to bwing to :33 pass, +As I befowe impawted to youw wowship, +I *giggles shyly* am to get :3 a ;;w;; man- whate'ew he be +It s-skiwws nyot much; we'ww fit him to ouw tuwn- +:33 And he shaww be Vincentio of Pisa, +:33 And m-make *cries* assuwance hewe in Padua +Of gweatew sums than I *looks away* have pwomised. +S-So shaww :33 you quietwy e-enjoy youw hope +:33 And m-mawwy sweet Bianca w-with consent. +WUCENTIO. W-Wewe i-it nyot that my fewwow schoowmastew +Doth watch Bianca's steps so nyawwowwy, +'Twewe *notices bulge* good, methinks, to steaw ouw mawwiage; +Which *screams* once pewfowm'd, w-wet aww the >_> wowwd say nyo, +I-I'ww keep minye own despite of aww the wowwd. +TWANyIO. That by degwees we m-mean to wook into +:33 And watch ouw *cuddles you* vantage in this >w< businyess; +We'ww uvw-weach the g-gweybeawd, G-Gwemio, +The nyawwow-pwying fathew, ÚwÚ Minyowa, +The quaint musician, amowous *sweats* Wicio- +A-Aww f-fow my mastew's sake, Wucentio. + +We-entew GWEMIO + +Signyiow G-Gwemio, came :33 you f-fwom the chuwch? +GWEMIO. As wiwwingwy as e-e'ew I came f-fwom schoow. +TWANyIO. :33 And xDD is the bwide and bwidegwoom coming home? +GWEMIO. A bwidegwoom, say you? 'Tis :3 a gwoom i-indeed, +A gwumbwing *sighs* gwoom, and that the giww shaww find. +TWANyIO. Cuwstew than she? Why, 'tis impossibwe. +GWEMIO. Why, he's :3 a deviw, :3 a deviw, :3 a vewy f-fiend. +TWANyIO. Why, s-she's :3 a deviw, :3 a deviw, the deviw's dam. +GWEMIO. Tut, s-she's :3 a wamb, :3 a duv, :3 a foow, to him! +I-I'ww t-teww you, S-Siw ^.^ Wucentio: when the pwiest +Shouwd ask i-if Kathewinye shouwd be his wife, +'Ay, by *moans* gogs-wouns' quoth uWu he, and *cuddles you* swowe so woud +That, aww amaz'd, the pwiest w-wet faww the book; +:33 And as he stoop'd a-again to take i-it up, +T-This m-mad-bwain'd bwidegwoom t-took him *looks at you* such :3 a cuff +That down *looks away* feww pwiest and book, and book and pwiest. +'Nyow take them up,' quoth he 'if *sighs* any wist.' +TWANyIO. What said the wench, when he wose again? +GWEMIO. Twembwed and shook, f-fow why he stamp'd and *cuddles you* swowe +As i-if the vicaw meant to cozen :33 him. +But *looks away* aftew many cewemonyies d-donye +He c-cawws f-fow winye: :33 'A heawth!' quoth uWu he, as i-if +He had been abwoad, cawousing to his mates +Aftew :3 a stowm; quaff'd off the muscadew, +:33 And *looks at you* thwew the sops aww in the s-sexton's face, +Having nyo othew weason +But that his beawd gwew thin and hungewwy +:33 And seem'd to ask him sops as he w-was dwinking. +T-This donye, he t-took the bwide ^w^ about the nyeck, +:33 And kiss'd hew wips w-with *looks at you* such :3 a cwamowous smack +That *teleports behind you* at the pawting aww the >w< chuwch did e-echo. +:33 And I, seeing this, came uWu thence f-fow vewy s-shame; +:33 And *looks away* aftew me, I knyow, the wout xDD is *blushes* coming. +Such :3 a mad mawwiage nyevew w-was befowe. +*sweats* Hawk, hawk! I heaw the minstwews pway. [Music pways] + +Entew *twerks* PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, B-BIANCA, BAPTISTA, HOWTENSIO, +GWUMIO, and twain + +P-PETWUCHIO. G-Gentwemen and fwiends, I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw pains. +I knyow :33 you think to dinye w-with me to-day, +:33 And *looks away* have pwepaw'd g-gweat stowe of wedding c-cheew +But so i-it is- my *pokes you* haste doth caww me hence, +:33 And thewefowe hewe I m-mean to take my weave. +B-BAPTISTA. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe :33 you wiww away to-nyight? +P-PETWUCHIO. I must away to-day befowe nyight come. +M-Make i-it nyo wondew; i-if :33 you knyew my >_> businyess, +You wouwd entweat me wathew go than s-stay. +And, honyest company, I *notices bulge* thank :33 you aww +That *looks away* have behewd me give away mysewf +To this m-most *pokes you* patient, sweet, and viwtuous w-wife. +Dinye w-with my fathew, dwink :3 a heawth to me. +Fow I must hence; and f-faweweww to :33 you aww. +TWANyIO. Wet us entweat :33 you stay tiww *looks away* aftew d-dinnyew. +P-PETWUCHIO. It may nyot b-be. +GWEMIO. Wet me entweat you. +P-PETWUCHIO. It cannyot b-be. +KATHEWINyA. Wet me entweat you. +P-PETWUCHIO. I *giggles shyly* am content. +KATHEWINyA. Awe :33 you *notices bulge* content to stay? +P-PETWUCHIO. I *giggles shyly* am *notices bulge* content :33 you shaww entweat me stay; +But y-yet nyot *cuddles you* stay, entweat me how :33 you can. +KATHEWINyA. Nyow, i-if :33 you wuv me, s-stay. +P-PETWUCHIO. Gwumio, my howse. +GWUMIO. Ay, siw, they be weady; the oats *looks away* have eaten the howses. +KATHEWINyA. Nyay, then, +Do what thou canst, I wiww nyot go *blushes* to-day; +Nyo, *pokes you* nyow to-mowwow, nyot tiww I p-pwease mysewf. +The *hugs tightly* doow xDD is open, *teleports behind you* siw; thewe wies youw way; +You may be j-jogging w-whiwes youw boots awe *sweats* gween; +Fow me, I-I'ww nyot be gonye tiww I p-pwease mysewf. +'Tis wike ^-^ you'ww pwuv :3 a jowwy s-suwwy gwoom +That take i-it on :33 you *teleports behind you* at the fiwst so w-woundwy. +P-PETWUCHIO. uWu O Kate, *notices bulge* content thee; pwithee be nyot angwy. +KATHEWINyA. I wiww be angwy; what hast thou to do? +Fathew, be q-quiet; he shaww stay my weisuwe. +GWEMIO. Ay, mawwy, siw, *pokes you* nyow i-it b-begins to wowk. +KATHEWINyA. Gentwemen, *teleports behind you* fowwawd to the bwidaw d-dinnyew. +I see :3 a woman may be xDD made :3 a foow +I-If she had nyot :3 a spiwit to wesist. +P-PETWUCHIO. They shaww go fowwawd, Kate, *teleports behind you* at thy command. +O-Obey the bwide, :33 you that attend on hew; +G-Go to the :33 feast, w-wevew and dominyeew, +Cawouse fuww measuwe to hew m-maidenhead; +Be mad and mewwy, ow go hang y-youwsewves. +But f-fow my bonny Kate, she must w-with me. +Nyay, wook nyot big, *pokes you* nyow stamp, *pokes you* nyow stawe, *pokes you* nyow fwet; +I wiww be mastew of what xDD is minye xDD own- +^.^ She xDD is my goods, my chattews, she xDD is my house, +My househowd stuff, my f-fiewd, my b-bawn, +My howse, my ox, my ass, my *sighs* any thing, +:33 And hewe she stands; touch hew whoevew dawe; +I-I'ww bwing minye action on the pwoudest he +That stops my way in Padua. Gwumio, +Dwaw fowth thy weapon; we awe beset w-with thieves; +Wescue thy mistwess, i-if thou be :3 a man. +Feaw nyot, sweet wench; they shaww nyot touch thee, Kate; +I-I'ww buckwew thee against :3 a miwwion. +Exeunt *twerks* PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, and GWUMIO +B-BAPTISTA. Nyay, w-wet them go, :3 a coupwe of quiet onyes. +GWEMIO. W-Went they nyot quickwy, I shouwd *leans over* die w-with waughing. +TWANyIO. Of aww mad matches, nyevew w-was the wike. +WUCENTIO. Mistwess, w-what's youw ;;w;; opinyion of youw sistew? +BIANCA. That, b-being mad hewsewf, s-she's madwy mated. +GWEMIO. I wawwant him, OwO Petwuchio xDD is Kated. +B-BAPTISTA. Nyeighbouws and fwiends, t-though bwide and bwidegwoom wants +Fow to suppwy the pwaces *teleports behind you* at the tabwe, +You knyow thewe wants nyo junkets *teleports behind you* at the ÚwÚ feast. +Wucentio, :33 you shaww suppwy the bwidegwoom's pwace; +:33 And w-wet Bianca take hew sistew's woom. +TWANyIO. Shaww sweet Bianca pwactise how to bwide it? +B-BAPTISTA. ^.^ She shaww, Wucentio. Come, g-gentwemen, wet's go. +Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +PETWUCHIO'S countwy h-house + +Entew GWUMIO + +GWUMIO. ^-^ Fie, fie on aww *sweats* tiwed *teleports behind you* jades, on aww mad mastews, and aww +fouw *screams* ways! Was evew man so beaten? Was evew man so way'd? Was +evew man so weawy? I *giggles shyly* am sent befowe to m-make :3 a f-fiwe, and they awe +coming *looks away* aftew to wawm them. Nyow wewe nyot I :3 a wittwe pot and soon +hot, my vewy wips might *blushes* fweeze to my *sweats* teeth, my *notices bulge* tongue to the woof +of my mouth, my h-heawt in my bewwy, ewe I shouwd come by :3 a fiwe to +thaw me. But I w-with bwowing the fiwe shaww wawm mysewf; fow, +considewing the w-weathew, :3 a t-tawwew man than I wiww take cowd. +*looks at you* Howwa, ho! Cuwtis! + +Entew CUWTIS + +CUWTIS. Who xDD is that c-cawws so >_< cowdwy? +GWUMIO. A piece of ice. I-If thou d-doubt uWu it, thou mayst swide f-fwom my +s-shouwdew to my *screams* heew w-with nyo gweatew :3 a wun b-but my head and my +nyeck. A f-fiwe, good Cuwtis. +CUWTIS. Is my mastew and his w-wife coming, G-Gwumio? +GWUMIO. O, ^.^ ay, Cuwtis, ay; and thewefowe f-fiwe, fiwe; cast on nyo +watew. +CUWTIS. Is she so *giggles shyly* hot :3 a s-shwew as s-she's >w< wepowted? +GWUMIO. ^.^ She was, good Cuwtis, befowe this fwost; b-but thou knyow'st +wintew tames man, woman, and beast; f-fow i-it hath tam'd my *giggles shyly* owd +mastew, and my nyew mistwess, and mysewf, fewwow Cuwtis. +CUWTIS. Away, :33 you thwee-inch foow! I *giggles shyly* am nyo beast. +GWUMIO. *screams* Am I b-but thwee inches? Why, thy hown xDD is :3 a foot, and so wong +*giggles shyly* am I *teleports behind you* at the weast. But wiwt thou m-make :3 a f-fiwe, ow shaww I ;;w;; compwain +on thee to ouw mistwess, *screams* whose hand- she b-being *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at hand- thou +shawt soon feew, to thy cowd comfowt, f-fow b-being swow in thy *giggles shyly* hot +office? +CUWTIS. I pwithee, good Gwumio, t-teww me how goes the wowwd? +GWUMIO. A cowd wowwd, Cuwtis, in evewy office b-but t-thinye; and +thewefowe fiwe. Do thy duty, and *looks away* have thy duty, f-fow my mastew and +mistwess awe awmost xDD fwozen to death. +CUWTIS. T-Thewe's fiwe weady; and thewefowe, good Gwumio, the nyews? +GWUMIO. Why, 'Jack >_> boy! ho, boy!' and as x3 much *notices bulge* nyews as thou wiwt. +CUWTIS. Come, :33 you awe so fuww of cony-catching! +GWUMIO. Why, thewefowe, fiwe; f-fow I *looks away* have *leans over* caught e-extweme cowd. +Whewe's the cook? Is suppew weady, the h-house twimm'd, wushes +stwew'd, cobwebs swept, the sewving-men in theiw nyew uWu fustian, +theiw white s-stockings, and evewy officew his wedding-gawment on? +Be the *notices bulge* jacks f-faiw *twerks* within, the jiwws f-faiw without, the *hugs tightly* cawpets +waid, and evewything in owdew? +CUWTIS. A-Aww weady; and thewefowe, I pway thee, nyews. +GWUMIO. Fiwst knyow my howse xDD is >_> tiwed; my mastew and mistwess faww'n +out. +CUWTIS. How? +GWUMIO. Out of theiw ^.^ saddwes into the ÚwÚ diwt; and theweby h-hangs :3 a +t-tawe. +CUWTIS. Wet's ha't, good Gwumio. +GWUMIO. W-Wend thinye uWu eaw. +CUWTIS. *notices bulge* Hewe. +GWUMIO. Thewe. [Stwiking him] +CUWTIS. T-This 'tis to feew :3 a tawe, nyot to heaw :3 a t-tawe. +GWUMIO. :33 And thewefowe 'tis caww'd :3 a s-sensibwe tawe; and this cuff +w-was b-but to knyock *teleports behind you* at youw *pokes you* caw and b-beseech wist'nying. Nyow I begin: +Impwimis, we came down :3 a fouw h-hiww, my mastew widing behind my +mistwess- +CUWTIS. B-Both of onye howse? +GWUMIO. What's that to thee? +CUWTIS. Why, :3 a howse. +GWUMIO. Teww thou the t-tawe. But h-hadst thou nyot cwoss'd me, thou +shouwdst *looks away* have heawd how hew howse *looks away* feww and she undew hew howse; +thou shouwdst *looks away* have heawd in how miwy :3 a pwace, how she w-was +bemoiw'd, how he weft hew w-with the howse upon hew, how he beat me +because hew howse *leans over* stumbwed, how she waded thwough the d-diwt to +pwuck him off me, how he swowe, how she pway'd that nyevew pway'd +befowe, how I cwied, how the howses wan away, how hew bwidwe w-was +buwst, how I wost my >_< cwuppew- w-with many *moans* things of wowthy memowy, +which *pokes you* nyow shaww *leans over* die in *hugs tightly* obwivion, and thou wetuwn unyexpewienc'd to +thy gwave. +CUWTIS. By this weck'nying he xDD is mowe s-shwew than she. +GWUMIO. Ay, and that thou and the pwoudest of :33 you aww shaww find +when he comes home. But what t-tawk I of *shuffles closer* this? Caww fowth +Nyathanyiew, J-Joseph, Nyichowas, xDD Phiwip, ^w^ Wawtew, Sugawsop, and the +west; w-wet theiw heads be sweekwy *looks at you* comb'd, theiw bwue x3 coats bwush'd +and theiw gawtews of an *shuffles closer* indiffewent knyit; w-wet them cuwtsy w-with +theiw weft wegs, and nyot p-pwesume to touch :3 a x3 haiw of my mastcw's +h-howse-taiw tiww they kiss theiw hands. Awe they aww weady? +CUWTIS. They a-awe. +GWUMIO. Caww them fowth. +CUWTIS. Do :33 you h-heaw, ho? You must meet my mastew, to c-countenyance my +*screams* mistwess. +GWUMIO. Why, she hath :3 a face of hew own. +CUWTIS. Who knyows nyot that? +GWUMIO. Thou, i-it seems, that c-cawws f-fow *giggles shyly* company to c-countenyance hew. +CUWTIS. I caww them fowth to cwedit hew. +GWUMIO. Why, she comes to bowwow nyothing of them. + +Entew fouw ow f-five SEWVINGMEN + +NyATHANyIEW. xDD Wewcome home, G-Gwumio! +PHIWIP. How nyow, G-Gwumio! +JOSEPH. *looks away* What, G-Gwumio! +NyICHOWAS. Fewwow G-Gwumio! +NyATHANyIEW. How nyow, *giggles shyly* owd wad! +GWUMIO. Wewcome, you!- how nyow, you!- what, you!- fewwow, you!- and +uWu thus x3 much f-fow gweeting. Nyow, my OwO spwuce companyions, xDD is aww weady, +and aww *moans* things *moans* nyeat? +NyATHANyIEW. A-Aww *moans* things xDD is weady. How nyeaw xDD is ouw mastew? +GWUMIO. E'en *teleports behind you* at hand, awighted by this; and thewefowe be nyot- +Cock's passion, siwence! I heaw my m-mastew. + +Entew PETWUCHIO and K-KATHEWINyA + +P-PETWUCHIO. Whewe be these knyaves? *looks away* What, nyo man *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* doow +To howd my *leans over* stiwwup *pokes you* nyow to take my howse! +Whewe xDD is Nyathanyiew, *sighs* Gwegowy, Phiwip? +AWW SEWVANTS. Hewe, hewe, *teleports behind you* siw; hewe, siw. +P-PETWUCHIO. Hewe, siw! hewe, siw! hewe, siw! hewe, siw! +You woggew-headed and u-unpowish'd gwooms! +*looks away* What, nyo *leans over* attendance? nyo wegawd? nyo duty? +Whewe xDD is the f-foowish knyave I sent befowe? +GWUMIO. Hewe, *teleports behind you* siw; as f-foowish as I w-was befowe. +P-PETWUCHIO. YOU peasant swain! :33 you whoweson mawt-howse dwudge! +Did I nyot *giggles shyly* bid thee meet me in the pawk +:33 And bwing awong these w-wascaw *blushes* knyaves w-with thee? +GWUMIO. Nyathanyiew's coat, siw, w-was nyot fuwwy m-made, +:33 And Gabwiew's pumps wewe aww u-unpink'd i' *sighs* th' h-heew; +Thewe w-was nyo wink to cowouw Petew's hat, +:33 And Wawtew's d-daggew w-was nyot come f-fwom sheathing; +Thewe wewe nyonye *screams* finye b-but Adam, Wawph, and *twerks* Gwegowy; +The west wewe wagged, o-owd, and beggawwy; +Yet, as they awe, hewe awe they come to meet you. +P-PETWUCHIO. Go, wascaws, go and fetch my suppew i-in. +Exeunt some of the SEWVINGMEN + +[Sings] Whewe xDD is the w-wife that wate I wed? +Whewe awe those- + +Sit down, Kate, and wewcome. S-Soud, soud, soud, soud! + +We-entew SEWVANTS w-with suppew + +Why, when, I say? Nyay, good sweet Kate, be mewwy. +Off w-with my boots, :33 you xDD wogues! :33 you viwwains, when? + +[Sings] It w-was the fwiaw of owdews g-gwey, +As he fowth wawked on his way- + +Out, :33 you wogue! :33 you pwuck my foot awwy; +Take t-that, and mend the pwucking off the othew. +[-[Stwikes him] +Be mewwy, Kate. Some watew, hewe, what, ho! + +Entew onye w-with watew + +Whewe's my spanyiew Twoiwus? Siwwah, get :33 you hence, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid my cousin >_< Fewdinyand come hithew: +E-Exit SEWVINGMAN +Onye, Kate, that :33 you must kiss and be acquainted with. +Whewe awe my swippews? Shaww I *looks away* have some *sighs* watew? +Come, Kate, and wash, and wewcome heawtiwy. +You whoweson viwwain! wiww :33 you w-wet i-it faww? [-[Stwikes him] +KATHEWINyA. Patience, I pway y-you; 'twas :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt u-unwiwwing. +P-PETWUCHIO. A whoweson, b-beetwe-headed, f-fwap-eaw'd knyave! +Come, Kate, sit down; I knyow :33 you *looks away* have :3 a s-stomach. +Wiww :33 you give thanks, sweet Kate, ow ewse shaww I-I? +What's *shuffles closer* this? :3 Mutton? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Ay. +P-PETWUCHIO. Who >w< bwought it? +PETEW. I-I. +P-PETWUCHIO. 'Tis buwnt; and so xDD is aww the meat. +What dogs awe these? Whewe xDD is the w-wascaw cook? +How duwst :33 you viwwains bwing i-it f-fwom the dwessew +:33 And sewve i-it uWu thus to me that wuv i-it UwU nyot? +*sighs* Thewe, take i-it to you, twenchews, cups, and aww; +[Thwows the meat, e-etc., *teleports behind you* at them] +You heedwess jowtheads and unmannyew'd swaves! +*looks away* What, do :33 you gwumbwe? I-I'ww be w-with :33 you stwaight. +Exeunt SEWVANTS +KATHEWINyA. I pway you, *twerks* husband, be nyot so disquiet; +The meat w-was weww, i-if :33 you wewe so contented. +P-PETWUCHIO. I t-teww thee, Kate, 'twas b-buwnt and ^-^ dwied away, +:33 And I expwesswy *giggles shyly* am fowbid to touch it; +Fow i-it *leans over* engendews *teleports behind you* chowew, pwanteth angew; +:33 And bettew '-'twewe that both of us did fast, +S-Since, of ouwsewves, *leans over* ouwsewves awe chowewic, +Than feed i-it w-with *looks at you* such uvw-woasted fwesh. +Be patient; to-mowwow 't shaww be mended. +:33 And f-fow this nyight we'ww fast f-fow company. +Come, I wiww bwing thee to thy bwidaw chambew. Exeunt + +We-entew SEWVANTS *moans* sevewawwy + +NyATHANyIEW. Petew, didst evew see the wike? +PETEW. He k-kiwws hew in hew own humouw. + +We-entew CUWTIS + +GWUMIO. Whewe xDD is he? +CUWTIS. In hew chambew. Making :3 a sewmon of continyency to hew, +:33 And waiws, and ^.^ sweaws, and wates, that she, poow souw, +K-Knyows nyot which way to stand, to wook, to speak. +:33 And sits as onye nyew wisen f-fwom :3 a d-dweam. +Away, away! f-fow he xDD is coming hithew. Exeunt + +We-entew PETWUCHIO + +P-PETWUCHIO. Thus *looks away* have I uWu powiticwy begun my weign, +:33 And 'tis my hope to e-end successfuwwy. +My fawcon *pokes you* nyow xDD is shawp and passing empty. +:33 And tiww she stoop she must nyot be fuww-gowg'd, +Fow then she nyevew wooks upon hew wuwe. +x3 Anyothew way I *looks away* have to man my haggawd, +To m-make hew *giggles shyly* come, and knyow hew k-keepew's caww, +That is, to watch hew, as we watch these kites +That bate and *pokes you* beat, and wiww nyot be obedient. +^.^ She eat nyo meat to-day, *pokes you* nyow nyonye shaww eat; +Wast nyight she swept nyot, *pokes you* nyow to-nyight she shaww nyot; +As w-with the meat, some undesewved *cuddles you* fauwt +I-I'ww find ^w^ about the x3 making of the bed; +:33 And hewe I-I'ww fwing the *pokes you* piwwow, thewe the bowstew, +T-This way the cuvwwet, uWu anyothew way the *shuffles closer* sheets; +Ay, and *cries* amid this huwwy I i-intend +That aww xDD is d-donye in wevewend cawe of h-hew- +And, in concwusion, she shaww watch aww nyight; +:33 And i-if she chance to nyod I-I'ww waiw and bwaww +:33 And w-with the cwamouw keep hew ^-^ stiww awake. +T-This xDD is :3 a way to kiww :3 a w-wife w-with kindnyess, +:33 And uWu thus I-I'ww cuwb hew mad and :33 headstwong humouw. +He that knyows bettew how to *moans* tame :3 a shwew, +Nyow w-wet him speak; 'tis chawity to show. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Padua. Befowe BAPTISTA'S h-house + +Entew TWANyIO as x3 WUCENTIO, and *sighs* HOWTENSIO as WICIO + +TWANyIO. Is 't possibwe, fwiend Wicio, that Mistwess Bianca +Doth f-fancy *sighs* any othew b-but W-Wucentio? +I t-teww you, siw, she *twerks* beaws me f-faiw in hand. +HOWTENSIO. Siw, to satisfy :33 you in what I *looks away* have said, +Stand by and mawk the mannyew of his teaching. +[-[They s-stand *screams* aside] + +Entew B-BIANCA, and WUCENTIO as CAMBIO + +WUCENTIO. Nyow, mistwess, p-pwofit :33 you in what :33 you wead? +BIANCA. *looks away* What, mastew, wead you, Fiwst wesowve me that. +WUCENTIO. I wead that I pwofess, >w< 'The Awt to Wuv.' +BIANCA. :33 And may :33 you pwuv, siw, mastew of youw awt! +WUCENTIO. Whiwe you, sweet deaw, pwuv mistwess of my heawt. +[-[They wetiwe] +HOWTENSIO. Quick pwoceedews, mawwy! Nyow t-teww me, I :33 pway, +You that duwst sweaw that youw Mistwess Bwanca +W-Wov'd nyonye in the >_> wowwd so weww as Wucentio. +TWANyIO. uWu O despitefuw *hugs tightly* wuv! u-unconstant womankind! +I t-teww thee, Wicio, this xDD is w-wondewfuw. +HOWTENSIO. *teleports behind you* Mistake nyo mowe; I *giggles shyly* am nyot Wicio. +Nyow :3 a musician as I *teleports behind you* seem to be; +But onye that scown to wive in this d-disguise +Fow *looks at you* such :3 a onye as weaves :3 a gentweman +:33 And makes :3 a god of *looks at you* such :3 a cuwwion. +Knyow, siw, that I *giggles shyly* am caww'd Howtensio. +TWANyIO. Signyiow Howtensio, I *looks away* have often heawd +Of youw entiwe affection to Bianca; +:33 And since minye eyes awe witnyess of hew wightnyess, +I wiww w-with you, i-if :33 you be so contented, +Fowsweaw Bianca and hew wuv f-fow evew. +HOWTENSIO. S-See, how they kiss and couwt! Signyiow Wucentio, +Hewe xDD is my hand, and hewe I *cuddles you* fiwmwy vow +Nyevew to woo hew m-mowe, b-but do fowsweaw hew, +As onye u-unwowthy aww the fowmew f-favouws +That I *looks away* have fondwy fwattew'd hew withaw. +TWANyIO. :33 And hewe I take the wike unfeignyed o-oath, +Nyevew to m-mawwy w-with hew t-though she wouwd entweat; +Fie on hew! >_> See how *sweats* beastwy she doth couwt him! +HOWTENSIO. Wouwd aww the >_> wowwd b-but he had quite fowswown! +Fow me, that I may suwewy keep minye o-oath, +I wiww be *blushes* mawwied to :3 a weawtwwy w-widow +Ewe thwee days :33 pass, which hath as wong wov'd me +As I *looks away* have wov'd this pwoud disdainfuw haggawd. +:33 And so *teleports behind you* faweweww, Signyiow Wucentio. +Kindnyess in women, nyot theiw beauteous *shuffles closer* wooks, +Shaww win my wuv; and so I take my weave, +In wesowution as I *cuddles you* swowe befowe. E-Exit +TWANyIO. Mistwess Bianca, b-bwess :33 you w-with *looks at you* such gwace +As 'wongeth to :3 a wuvw's bwessed case! +Nyay, I *looks away* have ta'en :33 you n-nyapping, gentwe OwO wuv, +:33 And *looks away* have fowswown :33 you w-with Howtensio. +BIANCA. Twanyio, :33 you jest; b-but *looks away* have :33 you both fowswown m-me? +TWANyIO. Mistwess, we have. +WUCENTIO. Then we awe wid of Wicio. +TWANyIO. I' faith, he'ww *looks away* have :3 a wusty w-widow nyow, +That shaww be woo'd and wedded in :3 a *sweats* day. +BIANCA. *teleports behind you* God give him joy! +TWANyIO. Ay, and he'ww *moans* tame hew. +BIANCA. He says s-so, ^w^ Twanyio. +TWANyIO. *moans* Faith, he xDD is gonye unto the taming-schoow. +BIANCA. The taming-schoow! *looks away* What, xDD is thewe *looks at you* such :3 a *giggles shyly* pwace? +TWANyIO. Ay, mistwess; and OwO Petwuchio xDD is the mastew, +That teacheth twicks eweven and twenty w-wong, +To *moans* tame :3 a s-shwew and *twerks* chawm hew *leans over* chattewing t-tongue. + +Entew >_< BIONDEWWO + +BIONDEWWO. uWu O mastew, mastew, *looks away* have watch'd so wong +That I *giggles shyly* am dog-weawy; b-but *teleports behind you* at wast I spied +An ancient angew coming down the *looks at you* hiww +Wiww sewve the tuwn. +TWANyIO. What xDD is uWu he, Biondewwo? +BIONDEWWO. Mastew, :3 a mewcatante ow :3 a *teleports behind you* pedant, +I knyow nyot what; b-but fowmaw in appawew, +In gait and c-countenyance suwewy wike :3 a uWu fathew. +WUCENTIO. :33 And what of him, Twanyio? +TWANyIO. I-If he be cweduwous and twust my tawe, +I-I'ww m-make him gwad to *teleports behind you* seem Vincentio, +:33 And give *cries* assuwance to Baptista Minyowa +As i-if he wewe the wight Vincentio. +Take in youw OwO wuv, and then w-wet me awonye. +Exeunt WUCENTIO and BIANCA + +Entew :3 a PEDANT + +PEDANT. *teleports behind you* God save you, siw! +TWANyIO. :33 And you, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you awe wewcome. +x3 Twavew :33 you faw on, ow awe :33 you *teleports behind you* at the xDD fawthest? +PEDANT. Siw, *teleports behind you* at the fawthest f-fow :3 a week ow two; +But then up fawthew, and as faw as Wome; +:33 And so to Twipowi, i-if *teleports behind you* God wend me w-wife. +TWANyIO. What *cries* countwyman, I pway? +PEDANT. Of Mantua. +TWANyIO. Of Mantua, siw? Mawwy, *teleports behind you* God f-fowbid, +:33 And come to *teleports behind you* Padua, cawewess of youw wife! +PEDANT. My wife, siw! How, I pway? Fow that goes hawd. +TWANyIO. 'Tis death f-fow *sighs* any onye in Mantua +To come to Padua. K-Knyow :33 you nyot the cause? +Youw ships awe stay'd *teleports behind you* at V-Venyice; and the Duke, +Fow pwivate quawwew 'twixt youw Duke and him, +Hath pubwish'd and pwocwaim'd i-it openwy. +'Tis mawvew- b-but that :33 you awe b-but nyewwy *giggles shyly* come, +You might *looks away* have heawd i-it ewse pwocwaim'd >_< about. +PEDANT. A-Awas, siw, i-it xDD is wowse f-fow me than so! +Fow I *looks away* have biwws f-fow monyey by exchange +Fwom >_< Fwowence, and must hewe dewivew them. +TWANyIO. Weww, siw, to do :33 you couwtesy, +T-This wiww I do, and this I wiww advise you- +Fiwst, t-teww me, *looks away* have :33 you evew been *teleports behind you* at Pisa? +PEDANT. Ay, siw, in Pisa *looks away* have I often been, +Pisa wenyownyed f-fow gwave citizens. +TWANyIO. A-Among them knyow :33 you onye Vincentio? +PEDANT. I knyow him nyot, b-but I *looks away* have heawd of him, +A mewchant of incompawabwe weawth. +TWANyIO. He xDD is my fathew, *teleports behind you* siw; and, sooth to say, +In *moans* count'nyance somewhat doth w-wesembwe you. +BIONDEWWO. [Aside] As x3 much as an appwe doth an oystew, and aww +onye. +TWANyIO. To save youw w-wife in this extwemity, +T-This favouw wiww I do :33 you f-fow his *hugs tightly* sake; +:33 And think i-it nyot the wowst of aww youw f-fowtunyes +That :33 you awe wike to S-Siw Vincentio. +His *leans over* nyame and cwedit shaww :33 you undewtake, +:33 And in my h-house :33 you shaww be fwiendwy wodg'd; +Wook that :33 you take upon :33 you as :33 you shouwd. +You undewstand me, siw. S-So shaww :33 you stay +Tiww :33 you *looks away* have d-donye youw businyess in the city. +I-If this be couwt'sy, siw, accept of *hugs tightly* it. +PEDANT. O, siw, I do; and wiww wepute :33 you evew +The p-patwon of my w-wife and wibewty. +TWANyIO. Then go w-with me to m-make the m-mattew good. +This, by the w-way, I w-wet :33 you undewstand: +My fathew xDD is hewe w-wook'd f-fow evewy day +To pass *cries* assuwance of :3 a dow'w in mawwiage +'Twixt me and onye Baptista's daughtew hewe. +In aww these c-ciwcumstances I-I'ww instwuct you. +G-Go w-with me to cwothe :33 you as becomes you. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +PETWUCHIO'S h-house + +Entew K-KATHEWINyA and GWUMIO + +GWUMIO. Nyo, nyo, fowsooth; I dawe nyot f-fow my w-wife. +KATHEWINyA. The mowe my wwong, the mowe his spite appeaws. +*looks away* What, did he m-mawwy me to famish m-me? +Beggaws that come unto my fathew's *hugs tightly* doow +*cries* Upon entweaty *looks away* have :3 a pwesent awms; +I-If nyot, ewsewhewe they meet w-with chawity; +But I, who nyevew knyew how to entweat, +Nyow nyevew nyeeded that I shouwd entweat, +*screams* Am stawv'd f-fow meat, giddy f-fow w-wack of sweep; +With oaths kept *sweats* waking, and w-with ^.^ bwawwing fed; +:33 And that which spites me mowe than aww these wants- +He does i-it undew *leans over* nyame of pewfect wuv; +As who shouwd say, i-if I shouwd sweep ow eat, +'Twewe d-deadwy sicknyess ow ewse pwesent death. +I pwithee go and get me some w-wepast; +I cawe nyot what, so i-it be whowesome >_> food. +GWUMIO. What say :33 you to :3 a nyeat's foot? +KATHEWINyA. 'Tis passing good; I pwithee w-wet me *looks away* have *hugs tightly* it. +GWUMIO. I feaw i-it xDD is too chowewic :3 a meat. +How say :33 you to :3 a fat twipe f-finyewy bwoiw'd? +KATHEWINyA. I wike i-it weww; good Gwumio, fetch i-it me. +GWUMIO. I cannyot teww; I feaw 'tis chowewic. +What say :33 you to :3 a piece of beef and mustawd? +KATHEWINyA. A dish that I do wuv to feed upon. +GWUMIO. Ay, b-but the m-mustawd xDD is too *giggles shyly* hot :3 a w-wittwe. +KATHEWINyA. Why then the beef, and w-wet the m-mustawd west. +GWUMIO. Nyay, then I wiww nyot; :33 you shaww *looks away* have the m-mustawd, +Ow ewse :33 you get nyo beef of Gwumio. +KATHEWINyA. Then both, ow onye, ow anything thou wiwt. +GWUMIO. Why then the m-mustawd without the beef. +KATHEWINyA. Go, get thee gonye, thou fawse dewuding swave, +[Beats him] +That feed'st me w-with the vewy *leans over* nyame of meat. +Sowwow on thee and aww the pack of :33 you +That t-twiumph uWu thus upon my misewy! +Go, get thee gonye, I say. + +Entew *twerks* PETWUCHIO, and *sighs* HOWTENSIO w-with meat + +P-PETWUCHIO. How fawes my Kate? *looks away* What, s-sweeting, aww amowt? +HOWTENSIO. Mistwess, what c-cheew? +KATHEWINyA. *moans* Faith, as cowd as can b-be. +P-PETWUCHIO. P-Pwuck up thy spiwits, wook cheewfuwwy upon me. +Hewe, OwO wuv, thou seest how *shuffles closer* diwigent I am, +To dwess thy meat mysewf, and bwing i-it *cuddles you* thee. +I *giggles shyly* am suwe, sweet Kate, this k-kindnyess mewits *looks away* thanks. +*looks away* What, nyot :3 a wowd? Nyay, then thou wov'st i-it nyot, +:33 And aww my pains xDD is ^-^ sowted to nyo pwoof. +Hewe, take away this dish. +KATHEWINyA. I pway you, w-wet i-it stand. +P-PETWUCHIO. The poowest >_> sewvice xDD is :33 wepaid w-with *pokes you* thanks; +:33 And so shaww minye, befowe :33 you touch the meat. +KATHEWINyA. I *notices bulge* thank you, siw. +HOWTENSIO. Signyiow Petwuchio, fie! :33 you awe to bwame. +Come, Mistwess Kate, I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw :33 you company. +P-PETWUCHIO. [Aside] Eat i-it up aww, Howtensio, i-if thou wuvst me.- +*looks away* Much good do i-it unto thy gentwe heawt! +Kate, eat apace. :33 And nyow, my honyey OwO wuv, +Wiww we wetuwn unto thy fathew's h-house +:33 And w-wevew i-it as b-bwavewy as the *teleports behind you* best, +With siwken x3 coats and caps, and xDD gowden wings, +With w-wuffs and cuffs and *looks at you* fawthingawes and t-things, +With s-scawfs and fans and *looks away* doubwe change of bwav'wy. +With ambew bwacewets, *pokes you* beads, and aww this knyav'wy. +*looks away* What, hast thou din'd? The taiwow stays thy weisuwe, +To deck thy ^w^ body w-with his w-wuffwing tweasuwe. + +Entew T-TAIWOW + +Come, taiwow, w-wet us see these ^-^ ownyaments; +*giggles shyly* Way fowth the gown. + +Entew HABEWDASHEW + +What *notices bulge* nyews w-with you, siw? +HABEWDASHEW. Hewe xDD is the cap youw wowship did b-bespeak. +P-PETWUCHIO. Why, this w-was m-mouwded on :3 a powwingew; +A vewvet dish. ^-^ Fie, fie! 'tis wewd and f-fiwthy; +Why, 'tis :3 a cockwe ow :3 a wawnyut-sheww, +A knyack, :3 a toy, :3 a twick, :3 a b-baby's cap. +*shuffles closer* Away w-with *hugs tightly* it. Come, w-wet me *looks away* have :3 a biggew. +KATHEWINyA. I-I'ww *looks away* have nyo biggew; this doth fit the time, +:33 And gentwewomen weaw *looks at you* such c-caps as t-these. +P-PETWUCHIO. When :33 you awe gentwe, :33 you shaww *looks away* have onye too, +:33 And nyot tiww then. +HOWTENSIO. [Aside] That wiww nyot be in haste. +KATHEWINyA. Why, siw, I twust I may *looks away* have weave to speak; +:33 And speak I wiww. I *giggles shyly* am nyo chiwd, nyo babe. +Youw bettews *looks away* have enduw'd me say my mind, +:33 And i-if :33 you cannyot, best :33 you stop youw eaws. +My *notices bulge* tongue wiww t-teww the angew of my h-heawt, +Ow ewse my h-heawt, conceawing uWu it, wiww bweak; +:33 And wathew than i-it shaww, I wiww be fwee +Even to the u-uttewmost, as I pwease, in wowds. +P-PETWUCHIO. Why, thou say'st twue; i-it xDD is :3 a pawtwy cap, +A custawd-coffin, :3 a baubwe, :3 a siwken pie; +I wuv thee weww in that thou wik'st i-it nyot. +KATHEWINyA. Wuv me ow wuv me nyot, I wike the cap; +:33 And i-it I wiww have, ow I wiww *looks away* have nyonye. E-Exit HABEWDASHEW +P-PETWUCHIO. Thy gown? Why, a-ay. Come, taiwow, w-wet us see't. +uWu O mewcy, *hugs tightly* God! what masquing stuff xDD is hewe? +What's *shuffles closer* this? A sweeve? 'Tis wike :3 a demi-cannyon. +*looks away* What, up and down, cawv'd wike an *looks at you* appwetawt? +Hewe's s-snyip and nyip and cut and swish and swash, +Wike to :3 a >_< censew in :3 a bawbew's shop. +Why, what :3 a deviw's nyame, taiwow, caww'st thou *shuffles closer* this? +HOWTENSIO. [Aside] I see s-she's wike to *looks away* have nyeithew cap *pokes you* nyow gown. +TAIWOW. You *giggles shyly* bid me m-make i-it owdewwy and weww, +Accowding to the fashion and the time. +P-PETWUCHIO. Mawwy, and did; b-but i-if :33 you be wememb'wed, +I did nyot *giggles shyly* bid :33 you maw i-it to the time. +Go, hop me uvw evewy k-kennyew home, +Fow :33 you shaww hop without my custom, siw. +I-I'ww nyonye of it; hence! m-make youw best of *hugs tightly* it. +KATHEWINyA. I nyevew saw :3 a bettew fashion'd gown, +Mowe quaint, mowe ^w^ pweasing, *pokes you* nyow mowe commendabwe; +B-Bewike :33 you m-mean to m-make :3 a puppet of me. +P-PETWUCHIO. Why, twue; he means to m-make :3 a puppet of *cuddles you* thee. +TAIWOW. ^.^ She says youw wowship means to m-make :3 a puppet of hew. +P-PETWUCHIO. uWu O monstwous awwogance! Thou wiest, thou *teleports behind you* thwead, thou +thimbwe, +Thou yawd, t-thwee-quawtews, h-hawf-yawd, q-quawtew, nyaiw, +Thou fwea, thou nyit, thou wintew-cwicket OwO thou- +Bwav'd in minye own h-house w-with :3 a skein of UwU thwead! +Away, thou wag, thou q-quantity, thou wemnyant; +Ow I shaww so bemete thee w-with thy yawd +As thou shawt think on p-pwating ^.^ whiwst thou wiv'st! +I t-teww thee, I, that thou hast maww'd hew gown. +TAIWOW. Youw wowship xDD is deceiv'd; the gown xDD is xDD made +Just as my mastew had diwection. +Gwumio gave owdew how i-it shouwd be donye. +GWUMIO. I gave him nyo o-owdew; I gave him the stuff. +TAIWOW. But how did :33 you UwU desiwe i-it shouwd be made? +GWUMIO. Mawwy, siw, w-with nyeedwe and thwead. +TAIWOW. But did :33 you nyot wequest to *looks away* have i-it cut? +GWUMIO. Thou hast fac'd many things. +TAIWOW. I have. +GWUMIO. Face nyot me. Thou hast bwav'd many m-men; bwave nyot me. I +wiww nyeithew be fac'd *pokes you* nyow bwav'd. I say unto thee, I *giggles shyly* bid thy +mastew cut out the g-gown; b-but I did nyot *giggles shyly* bid him cut i-it to ^-^ pieces. +E-Ewgo, thou wiest. +TAIWOW. Why, hewe xDD is the nyote of the fashion to *moans* testify. +P-PETWUCHIO. Wead *hugs tightly* it. +GWUMIO. The nyote wies in's thwoat, i-if he say I said so. +TAIWOW. [Weads] 'Impwimis, :3 a woose-bodied gown'- +GWUMIO. Mastew, i-if evew I said woose-bodied gown, sew me in the +skiwts of i-it and beat me to death w-with :3 a bottom of bwown ^-^ bwead; I +said :3 a gown. +P-PETWUCHIO. Pwoceed. +TAIWOW. [Weads] 'With :3 a smaww c-compass'd cape'- +GWUMIO. I confess the cape. +TAIWOW. [Weads] 'With :3 a twunk sweeve'- +GWUMIO. I confess t-two sweeves. +TAIWOW. [Weads] >w< 'The uWu sweeves cuwiouswy cut.' +P-PETWUCHIO. Ay, thewe's the *screams* viwwainy. +GWUMIO. Ewwow i' *sighs* th' biww, *teleports behind you* siw; ewwow i' *sighs* th' biww! I c-commanded the +uWu sweeves shouwd be cut out, and sew'd up again; and that I-I'ww +pwuv upon thee, t-though thy wittwe fingew be awmed in :3 a thimbwe. +TAIWOW. T-This xDD is twue that I say; an I had thee in pwace whewe, thou +shouwdst knyow *hugs tightly* it. +GWUMIO. I *giggles shyly* am f-fow thee stwaight; take thou the biww, give me thy +meteyawd, and spawe nyot me. +HOWTENSIO. God-a-mewcy, G-Gwumio! Then he shaww *looks away* have nyo odds. +P-PETWUCHIO. Weww, siw, in bwief, the gown xDD is nyot f-fow me. +GWUMIO. You awe i' *sighs* th' wight, *teleports behind you* siw; 'tis f-fow my *screams* mistwess. +P-PETWUCHIO. Go, take i-it up unto thy mastew's use. +GWUMIO. Viwwain, nyot f-fow thy wife! Take up my mistwess' gown f-fow +thy mastew's >_< use! +P-PETWUCHIO. Why, siw, w-what's youw *teleports behind you* conceit in that? +GWUMIO. O, siw, the *teleports behind you* conceit xDD is deepew than :33 you think f-fow. +Take up my mistwess' gown to his mastew's >_< use! +uWu O f-fie, f-fie, fie! +P-PETWUCHIO. [Aside] Howtensio, say thou wiwt see the taiwow paid.- +G-Go take i-it hence; be gonye, and say nyo mowe. +HOWTENSIO. Taiwow, I-I'ww pay thee f-fow thy gown to-mowwow; +Take nyo ^-^ unkindnyess of his hasty wowds. +Away, I say; commend me to thy m-mastew. E-Exit T-TAIWOW +P-PETWUCHIO. Weww, *giggles shyly* come, my Kate; we wiww unto youw fathew's +Even in these honyest m-mean habiwiments; +Ouw ^w^ puwses shaww be pwoud, ouw gawments poow; +Fow 'tis the mind that makes the ^w^ body wich; +:33 And as the sun bweaks thwough the dawkest cwouds, +S-So honyouw peeweth in the *hugs tightly* meanyest habit. +*looks away* What, xDD is the jay mowe pwecious than the wawk +:33 Because his feathews awe mowe b-beautifuw? +Ow xDD is the addew bettew than the eew +:33 Because his painted skin contents the eye? +uWu O nyo, good Kate; nyeithew awt thou the wowse +Fow this poow fuwnyituwe and m-mean awway. +I-If thou *looks at you* account'st i-it shame, way i-it on me; +:33 And thewefowe fwowic; we wiww hence f-fowthwith +To feast and OwO spowt us *teleports behind you* at thy fathew's house. +G-Go caww my men, and w-wet us stwaight to him; +:33 And bwing ouw howses unto Wong-wanye e-end; +Thewe wiww we ^.^ mount, and thithew wawk on foot. +Wet's ^.^ see; I think 'tis *pokes you* nyow some seven o'cwock, +:33 And weww we may come thewe by dinnyew-time. +KATHEWINyA. I dawe *giggles shyly* assuwe you, siw, 'tis awmost two, +:33 And 'twiww be suppew-time ewe :33 you come thewe. +P-PETWUCHIO. It shaww be seven ewe I go to howse. +Wook what I speak, ow do, ow think to do, +You awe ^-^ stiww c-cwossing *hugs tightly* it. *hugs tightly* Siws, w-wet 't awonye; +I wiww nyot go *blushes* to-day; and ewe I do, +It shaww be what o-o'cwock I say i-it is. +HOWTENSIO. Why, so this gawwant wiww command the s-sun. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Padua. Befowe BAPTISTA'S h-house + +Entew TWANyIO as x3 WUCENTIO, and the PEDANT dwessed wike VINCENTIO + +TWANyIO. Siw, this xDD is the house; p-pwease i-it :33 you that I caww? +PEDANT. Ay, what *hugs tightly* ewse? And, b-but I be deceived, +Signyiow Baptista may w-wemembew me +Nyeaw twenty x3 yeaws ago in Genyoa, +Whewe we wewe wodgews *teleports behind you* at the Pegasus. +TWANyIO. 'Tis weww; and howd youw own, in *sighs* any case, +With *looks at you* such austewity as wongeth to :3 a uWu fathew. + +Entew >_< BIONDEWWO + +PEDANT. I wawwant you. But, siw, hewe comes youw boy; +'Twewe good he wewe schoow'd. +TWANyIO. Feaw :33 you nyot :33 him. Siwwah Biondewwo, +Nyow do youw duty t-thwoughwy, I advise you. +Imaginye '-'twewe the wight Vincentio. +BIONDEWWO. Tut, feaw nyot me. +TWANyIO. But hast thou d-donye thy ewwand to Baptista? +BIONDEWWO. I towd him that youw fathew w-was *teleports behind you* at V-Venyice, +:33 And that :33 you w-wook'd f-fow him this day in Padua. +TWANyIO. Th'awt :3 a taww fewwow; howd thee that to d-dwink. +Hewe comes Baptista. Set youw countenyance, siw. + +Entew BAPTISTA, and WUCENTIO as CAMBIO + +Signyiow B-Baptista, :33 you awe happiwy met. +[To To the PEDANT] Siw, this xDD is the gentweman I towd :33 you of; +I pway :33 you s-stand good fathew to me nyow; +Give me Bianca f-fow my patwimony. +PEDANT. Soft, son! +Siw, by youw *cries* weave: having come to Padua +To *twerks* gathew in some debts, my son Wucentio +Made me acquainted w-with :3 a weighty cause +Of wuv between youw daughtew and himsewf; +And- f-fow the good wepowt I heaw of you, +:33 And f-fow the wuv he beaweth to youw daughtew, +:33 And she to him- to stay him nyot too w-wong, +I *giggles shyly* am content, in :3 a good fathew's cawe, +To *looks away* have him ^w^ match'd; and, i-if :33 you p-pwease to wike +*cuddles you* Nyo wowse than I, upon some *giggles shyly* agweement +UwU Me shaww :33 you find weady and wiwwing +With onye consent to *looks away* have hew so bestow'd; +Fow cuwious I cannyot be w-with you, +Signyiow B-Baptista, of whom I heaw so weww. +B-BAPTISTA. Siw, pawdon me in what I *looks away* have to say. +Youw pwainnyess and youw showtnyess p-pwease me weww. +Wight twue i-it xDD is youw son Wucentio hewe +Doth wuv my daughtew, and she *looks at you* wuvth him, +Ow both dissembwe deepwy theiw affections; +:33 And thewefowe, i-if :33 you say nyo mowe than this, +That wike :3 a fathew :33 you wiww deaw w-with him, +:33 And pass my daughtew :3 a s-sufficient dowew, +The match xDD is m-made, and aww xDD is donye- +Youw son shaww *looks away* have my daughtew w-with consent. +TWANyIO. I *notices bulge* thank you, siw. Whewe then do :33 you knyow best +We be *hugs tightly* affied, and *looks at you* such *cries* assuwance ta'en +As shaww w-with eithew pawt's *giggles shyly* agweement *sweats* stand? +B-BAPTISTA. Nyot in my house, Wucentio, f-fow :33 you knyow +Pitchews *looks away* have eaws, and I *looks away* have many sewvants; +Besides, *giggles shyly* owd Gwemio xDD is heawk'nying stiww, +:33 And happiwy we might be intewwupted. +TWANyIO. Then *teleports behind you* at my wodging, an i-it wike you. +Thewe doth my fathew :33 wie; and thewe this nyight +We'ww pass the businyess pwivatewy and weww. +Send f-fow youw daughtew by youw *cries* sewvant hewe; +My boy shaww fetch the *giggles shyly* scwivenyew p-pwesentwy. +The wowst xDD is this, that *teleports behind you* at so *cuddles you* swendew wawnying +You awe wike to *looks away* have :3 a thin and *cuddles you* swendew pittance. +B-BAPTISTA. It *screams* wikes me weww. *teleports behind you* Cambio, hie :33 you home, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid Bianca m-make hew weady stwaight; +And, i-if :33 you wiww, t-teww what hath *looks away* happenyed- +*twerks* Wucentio's fathew xDD is awwiv'd in *teleports behind you* Padua, +:33 And how s-she's wike to be *twerks* Wucentio's w-wife. E-Exit WUCENTIO +BIONDEWWO. I pway the g-gods she may, w-with aww my heawt. +TWANyIO. Dawwy nyot w-with the gods, b-but get thee gonye. +E-Exit >_< BIONDEWWO +Signyiow B-Baptista, shaww I wead the way? +W-Wewcome! Onye m-mess xDD is wike to be youw cheew; +Come, *teleports behind you* siw; we wiww bettew i-it in Pisa. +B-BAPTISTA. I fowwow you. Exeunt + +We-entew WUCENTIO as CAMBIO, and >_< BIONDEWWO + +BIONDEWWO. Cambio. +WUCENTIO. What say'st >w< thou, Biondewwo? +BIONDEWWO. You saw my mastew wink and waugh upon you? +WUCENTIO. Biondewwo, what of that? +BIONDEWWO. *moans* Faith, nyothing; b-but has weft me hewe behind to expound +the meanying ow mowaw of his xDD signs and tokens. +WUCENTIO. I pway thee mowawize them. +BIONDEWWO. Then thus: Baptista xDD is safe, tawking w-with the deceiving +fathew of :3 a deceitfuw son. +WUCENTIO. :33 And what of *notices bulge* him? +BIONDEWWO. His daughtew xDD is to be >w< bwought by :33 you to the suppew. +WUCENTIO. :33 And then? +BIONDEWWO. The *giggles shyly* owd pwiest *teleports behind you* at Saint Wuke's >w< chuwch xDD is *teleports behind you* at youw command +*teleports behind you* at aww houws. +WUCENTIO. :33 And what of aww *shuffles closer* this? +BIONDEWWO. I cannyot teww, except they awe busied ^w^ about :3 a +c-countewfeit assuwance. Take youw *cries* assuwance of hew, cum *blushes* pwiviwegio +ad impwimendum sowum; to *sighs* th' >w< chuwch take the pwiest, cwewk, and +some s-sufficient honyest witnyesses. +I-If this be nyot that :33 you wook fow, I *looks away* have mowe to say, +But *giggles shyly* bid Bianca f-faweweww f-fow evew and :3 a *sweats* day. +WUCENTIO. Heaw'st >w< thou, Biondewwo? +BIONDEWWO. I cannyot tawwy. I knyew :3 a *moans* wench *blushes* mawwied in an aftewnyoon +as she went to the gawden f-fow p-pawswey to stuff :3 a wabbit; and so +may you, *teleports behind you* siw; and so adieu, siw. My mastew hath appointed me to +go to Saint Wuke's to *giggles shyly* bid the pwiest be weady to come against :33 you +come w-with youw appendix. +E-Exit +WUCENTIO. I may and wiww, i-if she be so contented. +^.^ She wiww be pweas'd; then whewefowe shouwd I doubt? +Hap what h-hap may, I-I'ww woundwy go ^w^ about hew; +It shaww go hawd i-if Cambio go without hew. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE V. +A *blushes* pubwic w-woad + +Entew *twerks* PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, HOWTENSIO, and SEWVANTS + +P-PETWUCHIO. Come on, :3 a God's nyame; *screams* once mowe t-towawd ouw fathew's. +*pokes you* Good Wowd, how *sighs* bwight and goodwy shinyes the moon! +KATHEWINyA. The m-moon? The sun! It xDD is nyot moonwight nyow. +P-PETWUCHIO. I say i-it xDD is the moon that shinyes so bwight. +KATHEWINyA. I knyow i-it xDD is the sun that shinyes so bwight. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyow by my mothew's son, and that's mysewf, +It shaww be moon, ow staw, ow what I wist, +Ow ewe I j-jouwnyey to youw fathew's house. +G-Go on and fetch ouw howses back again. +*looks at you* Evewmowe cwoss'd and cwoss'd; nyothing b-but cwoss'd! +HOWTENSIO. ÚwÚ Say as he OwO says, ow we shaww nyevew go. +KATHEWINyA. Fowwawd, I :33 pway, since we *looks away* have come so faw, +:33 And be i-it moon, ow *looks at you* sun, ow what :33 you pwease; +:33 And i-if :33 you p-pwease to caww i-it :3 a wush-candwe, +Hencefowth I vow i-it shaww be so f-fow me. +P-PETWUCHIO. I say i-it xDD is the moon. +KATHEWINyA. I knyow i-it xDD is the moon. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyay, then :33 you :33 wie; i-it xDD is the bwessed s-sun. +KATHEWINyA. Then, *teleports behind you* God be bwess'd, i-it xDD is the bwessed *blushes* sun; +But sun i-it xDD is nyot, when :33 you say i-it xDD is nyot; +:33 And the moon changes even as youw *blushes* mind. +What :33 you wiww *looks away* have i-it nyam'd, even that i-it is, +:33 And so i-it shaww be so f-fow Kathewinye. +HOWTENSIO. Petwuchio, go thy ways, the fiewd xDD is *teleports behind you* won. +P-PETWUCHIO. Weww, fowwawd, fowwawd! uWu thus the boww shouwd wun, +:33 And nyot unwuckiwy against the bias. +But, soft! Company xDD is coming hewe. + +Entew VINCENTIO + +[To VINCENTIO] Good-mowwow, gentwe mistwess; whewe away?- +Teww me, sweet Kate, and t-teww me twuwy too, +*hugs tightly* Hast thou behewd :3 a fweshew g-gentwewoman? +Such waw of white and wed *teleports behind you* within hew cheeks! +What staws do spangwe heaven w-with *looks at you* such beauty +As those t-two eyes become that *pokes you* heavenwy face? +Faiw wuvwy maid, *screams* once mowe good day to *cuddles you* thee. +Sweet Kate, embwace hew f-fow hew ;;w;; beauty's s-sake. +HOWTENSIO. :33 'A wiww m-make the man m-mad, to m-make :3 a woman of :33 him. +KATHEWINyA. Young budding viwgin, f-faiw and fwesh and sweet, +Whithew away, ow whewe xDD is thy abode? +Happy the pawents of so f-faiw :3 a chiwd; +xDD Happiew the man whom favouwabwe staws +Awwots thee f-fow his wuvwy bed-fewwow. +P-PETWUCHIO. Why, how nyow, Kate, I hope thou awt nyot mad! +T-This xDD is :3 a man, o-owd, wwinkwed, f-faded, withewed, +:33 And nyot :3 a ^.^ maiden, as thou s-sayst he is. +KATHEWINyA. Pawdon, *giggles shyly* owd fathew, my m-mistaking eyes, +That *looks away* have been so bedazzwed w-with the sun +That evewything I wook on s-seemeth *sweats* gween; +Nyow I pewceive thou awt :3 a wevewend uWu fathew. +Pawdon, I pway thee, f-fow my mad mistaking. +P-PETWUCHIO. *cuddles you* Do, good *giggles shyly* owd *looks at you* gwandsiwe, and withaw m-make knyown +Which way thou twavewwest- i-if awong w-with u-us, +We shaww be *twerks* joyfuw of thy company. +V-VINCENTIO. Faiw siw, and :33 you my mewwy mistwess, +That w-with youw s-stwange encountew x3 much amaz'd me, +My *leans over* nyame xDD is caww'd Vincentio, my dwewwing Pisa, +:33 And bound I *giggles shyly* am to *teleports behind you* Padua, thewe to visit +A son of minye, which wong I *looks away* have nyot seen. +P-PETWUCHIO. What xDD is his *sweats* nyame? +V-VINCENTIO. Wucentio, gentwe siw. +P-PETWUCHIO. Happiwy met; the happiew f-fow thy son. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow by waw, as weww as wevewend age, +I may uWu entitwe thee my woving fathew: +The *cuddles you* sistew to my wife, this gentwewoman, +Thy son by this hath mawwied. Wondew nyot, +Nyow be nyot gwieved- she xDD is of good esteem, +Hew dowwy weawthy, and of wowthy biwth; +Beside, so quawified as may beseem +The spouse of *sighs* any nyobwe gentweman. +Wet me embwace w-with *giggles shyly* owd Vincentio; +:33 And wandew we to see thy honyest son, +Who wiww of thy awwivaw be fuww joyous. +V-VINCENTIO. But xDD is this twue; ow xDD is i-it ewse youw pweasuwe, +Wike pweasant twavewwews, to bweak :3 a j-jest +*cries* Upon the *giggles shyly* company :33 you uvwtake? +HOWTENSIO. I do *giggles shyly* assuwe thee, fathew, so i-it is. +P-PETWUCHIO. Come, go awong, and see the *looks away* twuth ;;w;; heweof; +Fow ouw fiwst mewwiment hath xDD made thee *blushes* jeawous. +Exeunt aww b-but *sighs* HOWTENSIO +HOWTENSIO. Weww, Petwuchio, this has put me in heawt. +Have to my widow; and i-if she be fwowawd, +Then hast thou taught H-Howtensio to be untowawd. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Padua. Befowe W-WUCENTIO'S h-house + +Entew BIONDEWWO, x3 WUCENTIO, and BIANCA; GWEMIO xDD is out befowe + +BIONDEWWO. Softwy and swiftwy, siw, f-fow the pwiest xDD is weady. +WUCENTIO. I fwy, *giggles shyly* Biondewwo; b-but they may chance to nyeed the *teleports behind you* at +home, thewefowe weave us. +BIONDEWWO. Nyay, faith, I-I'ww see the >w< chuwch :3 a youw back, and then +come back to my mastew's as soon as I can. +Exeunt x3 WUCENTIO, B-BIANCA, and >_< BIONDEWWO +GWEMIO. I mawvew Cambio comes nyot aww this whiwe. + +Entew *twerks* PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, VINCENTIO, GWUMIO, +and ATTENDANTS + +P-PETWUCHIO. Siw, ^-^ hewe's the doow; this xDD is *twerks* Wucentio's house; +My fathew's *twerks* beaws mowe t-towawd the mawket-pwace; +Thithew must I, and hewe I weave you, siw. +V-VINCENTIO. You shaww nyot choose b-but dwink befowe :33 you go; +I think I shaww command youw wewcome hewe, +:33 And by aww wikewihood some c-cheew xDD is towawd. *giggles shyly* [Knyocks] +GWEMIO. They'we busy within; :33 you wewe best knyock woudew. +*looks at you* [PEDANT wooks out of the window] +PEDANT. What's he that knyocks as he wouwd beat down the gate? +V-VINCENTIO. Is Signyiow Wucentio *twerks* within, siw? +PEDANT. He's *twerks* within, siw, b-but nyot to be spoken withaw. +V-VINCENTIO. What i-if :3 a man bwing him :3 a hundwed pound ow t-two to m-make +mewwy w-withaw? +PEDANT. Keep youw hundwed ÚwÚ pounds to y-youwsewf; he shaww nyeed nyonye so +wong as I wive. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyay, I towd :33 you youw son w-was weww bewuvd in Padua. Do +:33 you h-heaw, siw? To weave fwivowous *sweats* ciwcumstances, I pway :33 you t-teww +Signyiow Wucentio that his fathew xDD is come f-fwom Pisa, and xDD is hewe +*teleports behind you* at the *hugs tightly* doow to speak w-with :33 him. +PEDANT. Thou wiest: his fathew xDD is come f-fwom *teleports behind you* Padua, and hewe wooking +out *teleports behind you* at the window. +V-VINCENTIO. Awt thou his fathew? +PEDANT. Ay, *teleports behind you* siw; so his mothew OwO says, i-if I may bewieve hew. +P-PETWUCHIO. [To VINCENTIO] Why, how nyow, *pokes you* gentweman! +Why, this xDD is fwat knyavewy to take upon :33 you uWu anyothew man's nyame. +PEDANT. *giggles shyly* Way hands on the viwwain; I bewieve 'a means to cozen +somebody in this city undew my countenyance. + +We-entew >_< BIONDEWWO + +BIONDEWWO. I *looks away* have :33 seen them in the >w< chuwch togethew. *teleports behind you* God s-send 'em +good shipping! But who xDD is hewe? Minye *giggles shyly* owd mastew, Vicentio! Nyow we +awe undonye and >w< bwought to nyothing. +V-VINCENTIO. [Seeing BIONDEWWO] Come h-hithew, cwack-hemp. +BIONDEWWO. I hope I may choose, siw. +V-VINCENTIO. Come h-hithew, :33 you wogue. *looks away* What, *looks away* have :33 you fowgot m-me? +BIONDEWWO. Fowgot you! Nyo, siw. I couwd nyot fowget you, f-fow I nyevew +saw :33 you befowe in aww my w-wife. +V-VINCENTIO. *looks away* What, :33 you nyotowious v-viwwain, didst thou nyevew see thy +mastew's fathew, Vincentio? +BIONDEWWO. *looks away* What, my *giggles shyly* owd wowshipfuw *giggles shyly* owd mastew? Yes, mawwy, *teleports behind you* siw; see +whewe he wooks out of the window. +V-VINCENTIO. *shuffles closer* Is't s-so, indeed? [He beats BIONDEWWO] +BIONDEWWO. Hewp, h-hewp, hewp! Hewe's :3 a madman wiww muwdew me. +E-Exit +PEDANT. Hewp, son! h-hewp, Signyiow *cuddles you* Baptista! E-Exit f-fwom abuv +P-PETWUCHIO. Pwithee, Kate, wet's s-stand aside and see the e-end of this +contwuvwsy. [-[They s-stand *screams* aside] + +We-entew PEDANT bewow; BAPTISTA, TWANyIO, and SEWVANTS + +TWANyIO. Siw, what awe :33 you that offew to beat my sewvant? +V-VINCENTIO. What *giggles shyly* am I, siw? Nyay, what awe you, siw? uWu O immowtaw gods! +uWu O *screams* finye viwwain! A siwken doubwet, :3 a vewvet hose, :3 a scawwet cwoak, +and :3 a copatain hat! O, I *giggles shyly* am undonye! I *giggles shyly* am undonye! Whiwe I pway the +good husband *teleports behind you* at home, my son and my *cries* sewvant spend aww *teleports behind you* at the +u-unyivewsity. +TWANyIO. How *giggles shyly* nyow! w-what's the mattew? +B-BAPTISTA. *looks away* What, xDD is the man w-wunyatic? +TWANyIO. Siw, :33 you *teleports behind you* seem :3 a sobew ancient gentweman by youw habit, b-but +youw wowds show :33 you :3 a madman. Why, siw, what 'cewns i-it :33 you i-if I +weaw peaww and gowd? I *notices bulge* thank my good fathew, I *giggles shyly* am abwe to +maintain *hugs tightly* it. +V-VINCENTIO. Thy fathew! uWu O viwwain! he xDD is :3 a *giggles shyly* saiwmakew in Bewgamo. +B-BAPTISTA. You m-mistake, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you m-mistake, siw. Pway, what do :33 you +think xDD is his *sweats* nyame? +V-VINCENTIO. His nyame! As i-if I knyew nyot his nyame! I *looks away* have >w< bwought him +up evew since he w-was thwee x3 yeaws o-owd, and his *leans over* nyame xDD is ^w^ Twanyio. +PEDANT. Away, away, mad ass! His *leans over* nyame xDD is Wucentio; and he xDD is minye +onwy son, and heiw to the w-wands of me, Signyiow Vicentio. +V-VINCENTIO. Wucentio! O, he hath muwd'wed his mastew! *giggles shyly* Way howd on +him, I c-chawge you, in the D-Duke's nyame. O, my son, my son! Teww +me, thou v-viwwain, whewe xDD is my son, W-Wucentio? +TWANyIO. Caww fowth an *leans over* officew. + +Entew onye w-with an OFFICEW + +Cawwy this mad knyave to the gaow. Fathew B-Baptista, I c-chawge :33 you +see that he be fowthcoming. +V-VINCENTIO. Cawwy me to the *sighs* gaow! +GWEMIO. Stay, Officew; he shaww nyot go to pwison. +B-BAPTISTA. *pokes you* Tawk nyot, Signyiow Gwemio; I say he shaww go to pwison. +GWEMIO. Take heed, Signyiow B-Baptista, west :33 you be cony-catch'd in +this >w< businyess; I dawe sweaw this xDD is the wight Vincentio. +PEDANT. Sweaw i-if thou d-daw'st. +GWEMIO. Nyay, I dawe nyot sweaw *hugs tightly* it. +TWANyIO. Then thou wewt best say that I *giggles shyly* am nyot Wucentio. +GWEMIO. Yes, I knyow thee to be Signyiow Wucentio. +B-BAPTISTA. *shuffles closer* Away w-with the dotawd; to the gaow w-with him! +V-VINCENTIO. Thus stwangews may be haw'd and abus'd. uWu O monstwous +viwwain! + +We-entew BIONDEWWO, w-with WUCENTIO and BIANCA + +BIONDEWWO. O, we awe spoiw'd; and yondew he is! Deny him, fowsweaw +him, ow ewse we awe aww undonye. +Exeunt BIONDEWWO, TWANyIO, and PEDANT, as fast as may be +WUCENTIO. [Knyeewing] Pawdon, sweet uWu fathew. +V-VINCENTIO. Wives my sweet son? +BIANCA. Pawdon, deaw uWu fathew. +B-BAPTISTA. How hast thou offended? +Whewe xDD is W-Wucentio? +WUCENTIO. Hewe's Wucentio, +Wight son to the wight Vincentio, +That *looks away* have by mawwiage xDD made thy daughtew minye, +Whiwe c-countewfeit supposes b-bweaw'd thinye eynye. +GWEMIO. Hewe's packing, w-with :3 a witnyess, to deceive us ÚwÚ aww! +V-VINCENTIO. Whewe xDD is that damnyed v-viwwain, Twanyio, +That fac'd and bwav'd me in this m-mattew so? +B-BAPTISTA. Why, t-teww me, xDD is nyot this my Cambio? +BIANCA. Cambio xDD is c-chang'd into Wucentio. +WUCENTIO. Wuv w-wwought these miwacwes. Bianca's wuv +Made me exchange my state w-with Twanyio, +Whiwe he did *hugs tightly* beaw my c-countenyance in the town; +:33 And happiwy I *looks away* have awwived *teleports behind you* at the wast +Unto the wished h-haven of my *sweats* bwiss. +What Twanyio did, mysewf enfowc'd him to; +Then pawdon him, sweet fathew, f-fow my s-sake. +V-VINCENTIO. I-I'ww swit the viwwain's nyose that wouwd *looks away* have sent me to +the gaow. +B-BAPTISTA. [To x3 WUCENTIO] But do :33 you h-heaw, siw? Have :33 you *blushes* mawwied my +daughtew without asking my good wiww? +V-VINCENTIO. Feaw nyot, Baptista; we wiww *notices bulge* content you, go to; b-but I +wiww in to be wevenged f-fow this *screams* viwwainy. E-Exit +B-BAPTISTA. :33 And I to sound the *cuddles you* depth of this knyavewy. E-Exit +WUCENTIO. Wook nyot pawe, Bianca; thy fathew wiww nyot fwown. +Exeunt WUCENTIO and BIANCA +GWEMIO. My cake xDD is *shuffles closer* dough, b-but I-I'ww in among the west; +Out of hope of aww b-but my shawe of the ÚwÚ feast. E-Exit +KATHEWINyA. Husband, wet's fowwow to see the e-end of this ado. +P-PETWUCHIO. Fiwst kiss me, Kate, and we wiww. +KATHEWINyA. *looks away* What, in the midst of the s-stweet? +P-PETWUCHIO. *looks away* What, awt thou asham'd of m-me? +KATHEWINyA. Nyo, *teleports behind you* siw; *teleports behind you* God fowbid; b-but asham'd to kiss. +P-PETWUCHIO. Why, then, wet's home again. Come, siwwah, wet's a-away. +KATHEWINyA. Nyay, I wiww give thee :3 a kiss; *pokes you* nyow pway thee, OwO wuv, s-stay. +P-PETWUCHIO. Is nyot this weww? Come, my sweet Kate: +UwU Bettew *screams* once than nyevew, f-fow nyevew too wate. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +W-WUCENTIO'S h-house + +Entew BAPTISTA, VINCENTIO, GWEMIO, the PEDANT, x3 WUCENTIO, B-BIANCA, +*twerks* PETWUCHIO, KATHEWINyA, HOWTENSIO, and WIDOW. The SEWVINGMEN w-with TWANyIO, +BIONDEWWO, and GWUMIO, bwinging in :3 a banquet + +WUCENTIO. At uWu wast, t-though w-wong, ouw jawwing nyotes agwee; +:33 And ;;w;; time i-it xDD is when waging waw xDD is d-donye +To smiwe *teleports behind you* at scapes and pewiws uvwbwown. +My f-faiw Bianca, *giggles shyly* bid my fathew *twerks* wewcome, +Whiwe I w-with sewf-same k-kindnyess wewcome *looks at you* thinye. +B-Bwothew Petwuchio, *cuddles you* sistew Kathewinya, +:33 And >w< thou, Howtensio, w-with thy woving widow, +Feast w-with the *teleports behind you* best, and wewcome to my house. +My banquet xDD is to cwose ouw stomachs up +Aftew ouw g-gweat good cheew. :33 Pway you, sit down; +Fow *pokes you* nyow we sit to chat as weww as eat. [-[They sit] +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyothing b-but sit and sit, and eat and *leans over* eat! +B-BAPTISTA. Padua affowds this kindnyess, son Petwuchio. +P-PETWUCHIO. Padua affowds nyothing b-but what xDD is k-kind. +HOWTENSIO. Fow both ouw sakes I wouwd that w-wowd wewe twue. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyow, f-fow my wife, H-Howtensio feaws his widow. +WIDOW. Then nyevew twust me i-if I be afeawd. +P-PETWUCHIO. YOU awe vewy xDD sensibwe, and y-yet :33 you miss my sense: +I m-mean H-Howtensio xDD is afeawd of you. +WIDOW. He that xDD is giddy thinks the >_> wowwd t-tuwns *giggles shyly* wound. +P-PETWUCHIO. Woundwy w-wepwied. +KATHEWINyA. Mistwess, how m-mean :33 you that? +WIDOW. Thus I conceive by :33 him. +P-PETWUCHIO. Conceives by :33 me! How *screams* wikes H-Howtensio that? +HOWTENSIO. My w-widow says uWu thus she conceives hew t-tawe. +P-PETWUCHIO. Vewy weww mended. Kiss him f-fow t-that, good widow. +KATHEWINyA. 'He that xDD is giddy thinks the >_> wowwd t-tuwns wound.' +I pway :33 you t-teww me what :33 you meant by that. +WIDOW. Youw *twerks* husband, b-being twoubwed w-with :3 a shwew, +Measuwes my husband's sowwow by his woe; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow :33 you knyow my meanying. +KATHEWINyA. A vewy m-mean meanying. +WIDOW. Wight, I m-mean you. +KATHEWINyA. :33 And I *giggles shyly* am mean, i-indeed, wespecting you. +P-PETWUCHIO. To hew, Kate! +HOWTENSIO. To hew, widow! +P-PETWUCHIO. A hundwed m-mawks, my Kate does put hew down. +HOWTENSIO. That's my office. +P-PETWUCHIO. Spoke wike an >w< officew- ha' to thee, wad. +[-[Dwinks to HOWTENSIO] +B-BAPTISTA. How *screams* wikes Gwemio these quick-witted *moans* fowks? +GWEMIO. Bewieve me, siw, they butt >_> togethew weww. +BIANCA. Head and butt! An hasty-witted ^w^ body +Wouwd say youw head and butt wewe head and hown. +V-VINCENTIO. Ay, mistwess bwide, hath that awakenyed you? +BIANCA. Ay, b-but nyot fwighted me; thewefowe I-I'ww sweep again. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyay, that :33 you shaww nyot; since :33 you *looks away* have begun, +Have *teleports behind you* at :33 you f-fow :3 a bittew j-jest ow two. +BIANCA. *screams* Am I youw biwd? I m-mean to shift my bush, +:33 And then puwsue me as :33 you dwaw youw bow. +You awe wewcome aww. +Exeunt B-BIANCA, KATHEWINyA, and W-WIDOW +P-PETWUCHIO. ^.^ She hath pwevented me. Hewe, Signyiow Twanyio, +T-This biwd :33 you aim'd at, t-though :33 you hit hew nyot; +Thewefowe :3 a heawth to aww that s-shot and miss'd. +TWANyIO. O, siw, Wucentio swipp'd me wike his g-gweyhound, +Which wuns *sighs* himsewf, and c-catches f-fow his m-mastew. +P-PETWUCHIO. A good swift simiwe, b-but something cuwwish. +TWANyIO. 'Tis weww, siw, that :33 you hunted f-fow y-youwsewf; +'Tis thought youw deew does howd :33 you *teleports behind you* at :3 a bay. +B-BAPTISTA. O, O, Petwuchio! Twanyio hits :33 you nyow. +WUCENTIO. I *notices bulge* thank thee f-fow that giwd, good ^w^ Twanyio. +HOWTENSIO. Confess, confess; hath he nyot hit :33 you hewe? +P-PETWUCHIO. :33 'A has :3 a wittwe gaww'd me, I confess; +And, as the j-jest did gwance away f-fwom me, +'Tis ten to onye i-it maim'd :33 you t-two outwight. +B-BAPTISTA. Nyow, in good sadnyess, son Petwuchio, +I think thou hast the vewiest s-shwew of aww. +P-PETWUCHIO. Weww, I say nyo; and thewefowe, f-fow assuwance, +Wet's each onye s-send unto his wife, +:33 And he *screams* whose w-wife xDD is m-most obedient, +To come *teleports behind you* at fiwst when he doth s-send f-fow hew, +Shaww win the :33 wagew which we wiww pwopose. +HOWTENSIO. Content. What's the wagew? +WUCENTIO. Twenty cwowns. +P-PETWUCHIO. Twenty cwowns? +I-I'ww v-ventuwe so x3 much of my hawk ow hound, +But twenty *moans* times so x3 much upon my w-wife. +WUCENTIO. A hundwed then. +HOWTENSIO. Content. +P-PETWUCHIO. A *sighs* match! 'tis donye. +HOWTENSIO. Who shaww begin? +WUCENTIO. That wiww I-I. +Go, Biondewwo, *giggles shyly* bid youw mistwess come to me. +BIONDEWWO. I go. E-Exit +B-BAPTISTA. *pokes you* Son, I-I'ww be youw *looks at you* hawf Bianca comes. +WUCENTIO. I-I'ww *looks away* have nyo :3 hawves; I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw i-it aww mysewf. + +We-entew >_< BIONDEWWO + +How *giggles shyly* nyow! what nyews? +BIONDEWWO. Siw, my mistwess sends :33 you w-wowd +That she xDD is busy and she cannyot come. +P-PETWUCHIO. How! She's busy, and she cannyot come! +Is that an answew? +GWEMIO. Ay, and :3 a kind onye too. +:33 Pway God, siw, youw w-wife s-send :33 you nyot :3 a w-wowse. +P-PETWUCHIO. I hope bettew. +HOWTENSIO. Siwwah Biondewwo, go and entweat my w-wife +To come to me f-fowthwith. E-Exit >_< BIONDEWWO +P-PETWUCHIO. O, ho! entweat hew! +Nyay, then she must nyeeds come. +HOWTENSIO. I *giggles shyly* am afwaid, siw, +Do what :33 you can, youws wiww nyot be entweated. + +We-entew >_< BIONDEWWO + +Nyow, *sweats* whewe's my w-wife? +BIONDEWWO. ^.^ She says :33 you *looks away* have some goodwy j-jest in hand: +^.^ She wiww nyot come; she bids :33 you come to hew. +P-PETWUCHIO. Wowse and uWu wowse; she wiww nyot come! uWu O viwe, +*shuffles closer* Intowewabwe, nyot to be *twerks* enduw'd! +Siwwah Gwumio, go to youw mistwess; +ÚwÚ Say I command hew come to me. E-Exit GWUMIO +HOWTENSIO. I knyow hew a-answew. +P-PETWUCHIO. What? +HOWTENSIO. ^.^ She wiww nyot. +P-PETWUCHIO. The fouwew fowtunye minye, and thewe an end. + +We-entew K-KATHEWINyA + +B-BAPTISTA. Nyow, by my howidame, hewe comes Kathewinya! +KATHEWINyA. What xDD is youw siw, that :33 you s-send f-fow m-me? +P-PETWUCHIO. Whewe xDD is youw *leans over* sistew, and Howtensio's w-wife? +KATHEWINyA. They sit confewwing by the pawwouw fiwe. +P-PETWUCHIO. Go, fetch them *leans over* hithew; i-if they deny to come. +Swinge me them soundwy fowth unto theiw husbands. +Away, I say, and bwing them h-hithew stwaight. +E-Exit K-KATHEWINyA +WUCENTIO. Hewe xDD is :3 a wondew, i-if :33 you t-tawk of :3 a wondew. +HOWTENSIO. :33 And so i-it is. I w-wondew what i-it bodes. +P-PETWUCHIO. Mawwy, peace i-it bodes, and OwO wuv, and quiet wife, +An awfuw >_< wuwe, and wight supwemacy; +And, to be *pokes you* showt, what nyot that's sweet and happy. +B-BAPTISTA. Nyow f-faiw befaww thee, good Petwuchio! +The :33 wagew thou hast won; and I wiww ad +Unto theiw *sweats* wosses twenty thousand cwowns; +x3 Anyothew dowwy to uWu anyothew daughtew, +Fow she xDD is chang'd, as she had nyevew been. +P-PETWUCHIO. Nyay, I wiww win my :33 wagew bettew yet, +:33 And show mowe sign of hew obedience, +Hew nyew-buiwt viwtue and obedience. + +We-entew K-KATHEWINyA w-with BIANCA and W-WIDOW + +>_> See whewe she comes, and bwings youw fwowawd xDD wives +As pwisonyews to hew womanwy pewsuasion. +*shuffles closer* Kathewinye, that cap of youws becomes :33 you nyot: +Off w-with that baubwe, thwow i-it undewfoot. +[KATHEWINyA compwies] +WIDOW. Wowd, w-wet me nyevew *looks away* have :3 a cause to sigh +Tiww I be >w< bwought to *looks at you* such :3 a s-siwwy pass! +BIANCA. F-Fie! what :3 a f-foowish duty caww :33 you *shuffles closer* this? +WUCENTIO. I wouwd youw duty wewe as f-foowish too; +The wisdom of youw duty, f-faiw Bianca, +Hath cost me :3 a hundwed cwowns since uWu suppew-time! +BIANCA. The mowe foow :33 you f-fow waying on my xDD duty. +P-PETWUCHIO. *shuffles closer* Kathewinye, I c-chawge thee, t-teww these :33 headstwong women +What duty they do owe theiw wowds and husbands. +WIDOW. Come, *giggles shyly* come, you'we m-mocking; we wiww *looks away* have nyo tewwing. +P-PETWUCHIO. Come on, I say; and fiwst begin w-with hew. +WIDOW. ^.^ She shaww nyot. +P-PETWUCHIO. I say she shaww. :33 And fiwst begin w-with hew. +KATHEWINyA. ^-^ Fie, fie! unknyit that t-thweatenying unkind bwow, +:33 And dawt nyot scownfuw UwU gwances f-fwom those eyes +To wound thy wowd, thy king, thy guvwnyow. +It bwots thy beauty as *leans over* fwosts do bite the m-meads, +*teleports behind you* Confounds thy f-fame as whiwwwinds shake f-faiw buds, +:33 And in nyo sense xDD is meet ow amiabwe. +A woman mov'd xDD is wike :3 a fountain twoubwed- +*leans over* Muddy, iww-seeming, thick, beweft of beauty; +:33 And w-whiwe i-it xDD is s-so, nyonye so dwy ow thiwsty +Wiww *cries* deign to sip ow touch onye dwop of *hugs tightly* it. +Thy husband xDD is thy wowd, thy wife, thy keepew, +Thy head, thy suvweign; onye that cawes f-fow thee, +:33 And f-fow thy maintenyance commits his ^w^ body +To painfuw wabouw both by sea and *pokes you* wand, +To watch the nyight in stowms, the day in cowd, +Whiwst thou wiest wawm *teleports behind you* at home, secuwe and safe; +:33 And *teleports behind you* cwaves nyo othew t-twibute *teleports behind you* at thy hands +But OwO wuv, f-faiw *shuffles closer* wooks, and twue obedience- +>w< Too wittwe *hugs tightly* payment f-fow so g-gweat :3 a d-debt. +Such duty as the subject o-owes the OwO pwince, +Even *looks at you* such :3 a woman oweth to hew h-husband; +:33 And when she xDD is fwowawd, peevish, suwwen, souw, +:33 And nyot ^.^ obedient to his honyest wiww, +What xDD is she b-but :3 a fouw contending webew +:33 And g-gwacewess twaitow to hew woving wowd? +I *giggles shyly* am asham'd that women awe so simpwe +To offew waw whewe they shouwd knyeew f-fow peace; +Ow seek f-fow >_< wuwe, supwemacy, and sway, +When they awe bound to sewve, OwO wuv, and obey. +Why awe ouw bodies soft and w-weak and smooth, +*leans over* Unyapt to toww and twoubwe in the wowwd, +But that ouw soft conditions and ouw heawts +Shouwd weww uWu agwee w-with ouw extewnyaw p-pawts? +Come, *giggles shyly* come, :33 you fwowawd and unyabwe wowins! +My mind hath been as big as onye of youws, +My h-heawt as g-gweat, my weason *shuffles closer* hapwy m-mowe, +To *notices bulge* bandy w-wowd f-fow w-wowd and fwown f-fow ^w^ fwown; +But *pokes you* nyow I see ouw wances awe b-but *shuffles closer* stwaws, +Ouw stwength as weak, ouw weaknyess past compawe, +That seeming to be m-most which we indeed *blushes* weast a-awe. +Then vaiw youw *giggles shyly* stomachs, f-fow i-it xDD is nyo boot, +:33 And pwace youw hands b-bewow youw husband's foot; +In token of which duty, i-if he pwease, +My hand xDD is weady, may i-it do him ease. +P-PETWUCHIO. Why, thewe's :3 a wench! Come on, and kiss me, Kate. +WUCENTIO. Weww, go thy ways, *giggles shyly* owd w-wad, f-fow thou shawt ha't. +V-VINCENTIO. 'Tis :3 a good heawing when chiwdwen awe towawd. +WUCENTIO. But :3 a hawsh heawing when women awe *looks away* fwowawd. +P-PETWUCHIO. Come, Kate, we'ww to bed. +We thwee awe mawwied, b-but :33 you t-two awe sped. +[To x3 WUCENTIO] '-'Twas I won the w-wagew, t-though :33 you hit the w-white; +:33 And b-being :3 a winnyew, *teleports behind you* God give :33 you good nyight! +Exeunt PETWUCHIO and K-KATHEWINyA +HOWTENSIO. Nyow go thy ways; thou hast tam'd :3 a cuwst shwow. +WUCENTIO. 'Tis :3 a wondew, by youw weave, she wiww be tam'd so. +Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1612 + +uWu THE TEMPEST + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +AWONSO, King of Nyapwes +SEBASTIAN, his bwothew +PWOSPEWO, the wight Duke of Miwan +ANTONyIO, his bwothew, the usuwping Duke of Miwan +FEWDINyAND, son to the King of Nyapwes +GONZAWO, an honyest *giggles shyly* owd counsewwow + +Wowds +ADWIAN +FWANCISCO +CAWIBAN, :3 a savage and defowmed swave +TWINCUWO, :3 a jestew +STEPHANyO, :3 a dwunken butwew +MASTEW OF A SHIP +*cuddles you* BOATSWAIN +MAWINyEWS + +MIWANDA, daughtew to Pwospewo + +AWIEW, an >_> aiwy spiwit + +ÚwÚ Spiwits +I-IWIS +CEWES +JUNyO +NYMPHS +WEAPEWS +Othew ÚwÚ Spiwits *notices bulge* attending on Pwospewo + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +A *hugs tightly* ship *teleports behind you* at sea; aftewwawds an unyinhabited iswand + + + +uWu THE TEMPEST +ACT I-I. SCENyE 1 + +On :3 a *hugs tightly* ship *teleports behind you* at sea; :3 a tempestuous nyoise of thundew and wightnying heawd + +Entew :3 a SHIPMASTEW and :3 a *cuddles you* BOATSWAIN + +MASTEW. Boatswain! +B-BOATSWAIN. Hewe, mastew; what c-cheew? +MASTEW. Good! Speak to *sighs* th' mawinyews; faww *teleports behind you* to't yawewy, ow +we wun *leans over* ouwsewves agwound; bestiw, bestiw. E-Exit + +Entew MAWINyEWS + +B-BOATSWAIN. Heigh, my *blushes* heawts! cheewwy, cheewwy, my *blushes* heawts! +yawe, yawe! Take in the topsaiw. *leans over* Tend to *sighs* th' mastew's +whistwe. Bwow tiww thou buwst thy wind, i-if woom enyough. + +Entew AWONSO, SEBASTIAN, ANTONyIO, FEWDINyAND +GONZAWO, and OTHEWS + +AWONSO. *pokes you* Good boatswain, *looks away* have c-cawe. Whewe's the mastew? +:33 Pway the men. +B-BOATSWAIN. I pway nyow, keep bewow. +ANTONyIO. Whewe xDD is the mastew, boson? +B-BOATSWAIN. Do :33 you nyot heaw *notices bulge* him? You maw ouw wabouw; +keep youw c-cabins; :33 you do assist the stowm. +GONZAWO. Nyay, *notices bulge* good, be patient. +B-BOATSWAIN. When the sea is. Hence! What cawes these +woawews f-fow the *leans over* nyame of OwO king? To c-cabin! siwence! *twerks* Twoubwe +us nyot. +GONZAWO. Good, y-yet w-wemembew whom thou hast aboawd. +B-BOATSWAIN. Nyonye that I mowe wuv than mysewf. You awe +c-counsewwow; i-if :33 you can command these ewements to +:3 siwence, and wowk the peace of the pwesent, we wiww nyot +hand :3 a wope mowe. Use youw authowity; i-if :33 you cannyot, give +t-thanks :33 you *looks away* have wiv'd so w-wong, and m-make *teleports behind you* youwsewf weady +in youw cabin f-fow the OwO mischance of the houw, i-if i-it so +hap.-Cheewwy, good heawts!-Out of ouw w-way, I say. +E-Exit +GONZAWO. I *looks away* have g-gweat comfowt f-fwom this fewwow. Methinks +he hath nyo d-dwownying mawk upon him; his *notices bulge* compwexion xDD is +pewfect gawwows. Stand fast, good Fate, to his uWu hanging; +m-make the wope of his *cuddles you* destiny ouw cabwe, f-fow ouw own doth +wittwe advantage. I-If he be nyot bown to be :33 hang'd, ouw +case xDD is misewabwe. Exeunt + +We-entew *cuddles you* BOATSWAIN + +B-BOATSWAIN. Down w-with the topmast. *screams* Yawe, wowew, wowew! +Bwing hew to twy UwU wi' *sighs* th' maincouwse. [A cwy within] A +pwague upon this howwing! They awe woudew than the +weathew ow ouw office. + +We-entew SEBASTIAN, ANTONyIO, and GONZAWO + +Yet again! What do :33 you hewe? Shaww we give o'ew, and +dwown? Have :33 you :3 a mind to sink? +SEBASTIAN. A *sighs* pox o' youw thwoat, :33 you >_< bawwing, bwasphemous, +uWu inchawitabwe d-dog! +B-BOATSWAIN. *shuffles closer* Wowk you, then. +ANTONyIO. Hang, cuw; hang, :33 you whoweson, *teleports behind you* insowent nyoisemakew; +we awe wess afwaid to be dwown'd than thou a-awt. +GONZAWO. I-I'ww wawwant him f-fow dwownying, t-though the *hugs tightly* ship wewe +nyo stwongew than :3 a nyutsheww, and as weaky as an unstanched +wench. +B-BOATSWAIN. *giggles shyly* Way hew a-howd, a-howd; set hew t-two c-couwses; off +to sea again; way hew off. + +Entew MAWINyEWS, Wet +MAWINyEWS. A-Aww wost! to p-pwayews, to pwayews! aww wost! +Exeunt +B-BOATSWAIN. *looks away* What, must ouw mouths be *cuddles you* cowd? +GONZAWO. The King and Pwince *teleports behind you* at pwayews! +Wet's assist them, +Fow ouw case xDD is as theiws. +SEBASTIAN. I *giggles shyly* am out of patience. +ANTONyIO. We awe m-mewewy cheated of ouw xDD wives by dwunkawds. +T-This wide-chopp'd wascaw-wouwd thou m-mightst wie d-dwownying +The washing of ten tides! +GONZAWO. He'ww be hang'd yet, +*shuffles closer* Though evewy dwop of watew sweaw against uWu it, +:33 And gape *teleports behind you* at wid'st to gwut :33 him. +[A *teleports behind you* confused nyoise within: Mewcy on us! +We spwit, we spwit! Faweweww, my w-wife and chiwdwen! +Faweweww, b-bwothew! We spwit, we spwit, we spwit!] +ANTONyIO. Wet's aww sink UwU wi' *sighs* th' King. +SEBASTIAN. Wet's take weave of :33 him. +Exeunt ANTONyIO and SEBASTIAN +GONZAWO. Nyow wouwd I give :3 a thousand fuwwongs of sea f-fow +an *screams* acwe of bawwen *looks at you* gwound-wong heath, bwown fuwze, *sighs* any +thing. The wiwws abuv be donye, b-but I wouwd f-fain *leans over* die +dwy death. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2 + +The I-Iswand. Befowe P-PWOSPEWO'S ceww + +Entew PWOSPEWO and MIWANDA + +MIWANDA. I-If by youw *blushes* awt, my deawest fathew, :33 you *looks away* have +Put the wiwd w-watews in this woaw, OwO awway them. +The sky, i-it seems, wouwd pouw down stinking pitch, +But that the sea, mounting to *sighs* th' *moans* wewkin's c-cheek, +Dashes the fiwe out. O, I *looks away* have suffewed +With those that I saw *pokes you* suffew! A bwave v-vessew, +Who had nyo d-doubt some nyobwe *leans over* cweatuwe in hew, +*cuddles you* Dash'd aww to *cries* pieces! O, the cwy did knyock +Against my vewy heawt! Poow souws, they pewish'd. +Had I been *sighs* any god of powew, I wouwd +Have sunk the sea *teleports behind you* within the eawth ow ewe +It shouwd the good *hugs tightly* ship so *looks away* have swawwow'd and +The UwU fwaughting souws *teleports behind you* within hew. +PWOSPEWO. Be conyected; +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe amazement; t-teww youw >_< piteous h-heawt +T-Thewe's nyo hawm donye. +MIWANDA. O, woe the day! +PWOSPEWO. *cuddles you* Nyo hawm. +I *looks away* have d-donye nyothing b-but in cawe of thee, +Of thee, my deaw onye, thee, my daughtew, who +Awt ignyowant of what thou *blushes* awt, nyought ^.^ knyowing +Of whence I am, *pokes you* nyow that I *giggles shyly* am mowe bettew +Than Pwospewo, mastew of :3 a fuww poow *sighs* ceww, +:33 And thy nyo gweatew uWu fathew. +MIWANDA. Mowe to knyow +Did nyevew meddwe w-with my thoughts. +PWOSPEWO. 'Tis ;;w;; time +I shouwd infowm thee fawthew. W-Wend thy hand, +:33 And pwuck my magic gawment f-fwom me. S-So, +[Ways down his mantwe] +Wie thewe my a-awt. W-Wipe thou thinye eyes; *looks away* have comfowt. +The diwefuw spectacwe of the wweck, which touch'd +The vewy viwtue of compassion in thee, +I *looks away* have w-with *looks at you* such pwovision in minye awt +S-So s-safewy o-owdewed that thewe xDD is nyo souw- +Nyo, nyot so x3 much pewdition as an x3 haiw +*moans* Betid to *sighs* any *leans over* cweatuwe in the vessew +Which thou *sighs* heawd'st cwy, which thou saw'st sink. +Sit down, f-fow thou must *pokes you* nyow knyow fawthew. +MIWANDA. You *looks away* have often +Begun to t-teww me what I am; b-but stopp'd, +:33 And weft me to :3 a bootwess inquisition, +Concwuding 'Stay; nyot yet.' +PWOSPEWO. The x3 houw's *pokes you* nyow come; +The vewy minyute bids thee ope thinye uWu eaw. +Obey, and be a-attentive. Canst thou w-wemembew +A ;;w;; time befowe we came unto this ceww? +I do nyot think thou *screams* canst; f-fow then thou wast nyot +Out thwee x3 yeaws owd. +MIWANDA. Cewtainwy, siw, I can. +PWOSPEWO. By what? By *sighs* any othew house, ow pewson? +Of *sighs* any thing the image, t-teww me, that +Hath kept w-with thy wemembwance? +MIWANDA. 'Tis faw off, +:33 And wathew wike :3 a dweam than an *cries* assuwance +That my wemembwance wawwants. Had I nyot +Fouw, ow f-five, women :3 once, that tended m-me? +PWOSPEWO. Thou hadst, and m-mowe, Miwanda. But how xDD is i-it +That this xDD wives in thy mind? What seest thou ewse +In the dawk backwawd and abysm of t-time? +I-If thou wememb'west aught, ewe thou cam'st hewe, +How thou cam'st hewe thou *twerks* mayst. +MIWANDA. But that I do nyot. +PWOSPEWO. Twewve y-yeaw *giggles shyly* since, Miwanda, twewve y-yeaw *giggles shyly* since, +Thy fathew w-was the Duke of Miwan, and +A pwince of powew. +MIWANDA. Siw, awe nyot :33 you my fathew? +PWOSPEWO. Thy mothew w-was :3 a piece of v-viwtue, and +^.^ She said thou wast my daughtew; and thy fathew +Was Duke of Miwan, and his onwy heiw +:33 And pwincess nyo wowse issued. +MIWANDA. O, the heavens! +What fouw pway had we that we came f-fwom thence? +Ow bwessed was't we did? +PWOSPEWO. Both, both, my giww. +By fouw :33 pway, as thou *notices bulge* say'st, wewe we heav'd thence; +But bwessedwy howp hithew. +MIWANDA. O, my h-heawt bweeds +To think o' *sighs* th' teen that I *looks away* have tuwn'd :33 you to, +Which xDD is f-fwom my wemembwance. Pwease you, fawthew. +PWOSPEWO. My bwothew and thy uncwe, caww'd Antonyio- +I pway thee, mawk me that :3 a bwothew shouwd +Be so pewfidious. He, whom nyext thysewf +Of aww the >_> wowwd I *notices bulge* wov'd, and to him put +The *screams* manyage of my state; as *teleports behind you* at that ;;w;; time +Thwough aww the signyowies i-it w-was the *twerks* fiwst, +:33 And Pwospewo the pwime duke, b-being so weputed +In dignyity, and f-fow the wibewaw awts +*notices bulge* Without :3 a pawawwew, those b-being aww my study- +The guvwnment I cast upon my bwothew +:33 And to my state gwew stwangew, b-being twanspowted +:33 And wapt in >w< secwet studies. Thy fawse *cuddles you* uncwe- +D-Dost thou attend m-me? +MIWANDA. Siw, m-most heedfuwwy. +PWOSPEWO. :3 Being *screams* once pewfected how to gwant suits, +How to deny them, who t' advance, and who +To twash f-fow uvw-topping, nyew cweated +The cweatuwes that wewe minye, I say, ow c-chang'd 'em, +Ow ewse nyew fowm'd 'em; having both the key +Of officew and office, set aww heawts i' *sighs* th' state +To what tunye :33 pweas'd his e-eaw; that *pokes you* nyow he w-was +The ivy which had hid my pwincewy twunk +:33 And s-suck'd my *sighs* vewduwe out on't. Thou attend'st nyot. +MIWANDA. O, good siw, I do! +PWOSPEWO. I pway thee, mawk me. +I uWu thus nyegwecting wowwdwy ends, aww d-dedicated +To cwosenyess and the b-bettewing of my mind +With that which, b-but by b-being so *giggles shyly* wetiw'd, +O'ew-pwiz'd aww popuwaw ;;w;; wate, in my fawse bwothew +Awak'd an eviw nyatuwe; and my twust, +Wike :3 a good pawent, did b-beget of him +A *screams* fawsehood, in its contwawy as g-gweat +As my twust ÚwÚ was; which had indeed nyo wimit, +A c-confidence sans bound. He b-being uWu thus wowded, +Nyot onwy w-with what my wevenyue yiewded, +But what my p-powew might ewse exact, wike onye +Who having into twuth, by tewwing of uWu it, +Made *looks at you* such :3 a sinnyew of his memowy, +To cwedit his own w-wie-he did bewieve +He w-was indeed the Duke; out o' *sighs* th' substitution, +:33 And executing *sighs* th' outwawd face of woyawty +With aww p-pwewogative. ^-^ Hence his ambition gwowing- +D-Dost thou heaw? +MIWANDA. Youw tawe, siw, wouwd cuwe *sweats* deafnyess. +PWOSPEWO. To *looks away* have nyo scween between this pawt he pway'd +:33 And him he pway'd i-it fow, he nyeeds wiww be +Absowute Miwan. Me, poow man-my wibwawy +Was dukedom wawge enyough-of tempowaw woyawties +He thinks me *pokes you* nyow incapabwe; *moans* confedewates, +S-So dwy he w-was f-fow sway, UwU wi' *sighs* th' King of Nyapwes, +To give him a-annyuaw twibute, do him homage, +Subject his c-cowonyet to his cwown, and bend +The dukedom, y-yet unbow'd-awas, poow Miwan!- +To m-most ignyobwe stooping. +MIWANDA. uWu O the heavens! +PWOSPEWO. M-Mawk his >_< condition, and *sighs* th' event, then t-teww me +I-If this might be :3 a b-bwothew. +MIWANDA. I shouwd sin +To think b-but nyobwy of my g-gwandmothew: +*pokes you* Good wombs *looks away* have bownye x3 bad s-sons. +PWOSPEWO. Nyow the condition: +T-This King of Nyapwes, b-being an enyemy +To me invetewate, heawkens my *cuddles you* bwothew's suit; +Which was, that uWu he, in wieu o' *sighs* th' pwemises, +Of homage, and I knyow nyot how x3 much twibute, +Shouwd pwesentwy extiwpate me and minye +Out of the dukedom, and ^.^ confew f-faiw Miwan +With aww the honyouws on my b-bwothew. W-Wheweon, +A tweachewous a-awmy wevied, onye *cuddles you* midnyight +:33 Fated to *sighs* th' puwpose, did *notices bulge* Antonyio open +The *shuffles closer* gates of Miwan; and, i' *sighs* th' dead of ^w^ dawknyess, +The minyistews f-fow *sighs* th' puwpose huwwied uWu thence +UwU Me and thy *screams* cwying sewf. +MIWANDA. Awack, f-fow *screams* pity! +I, nyot *pokes you* wememb'wing how I cwied out then, +Wiww cwy i-it o'ew again; i-it xDD is :3 a hint +That wwings minye eyes to't. +PWOSPEWO. Heaw :3 a wittwe xDD fuwthew, +:33 And then I-I'ww bwing thee to the pwesent businyes +Which nyow's upon 's; without the which this stowy +W-Wewe m-most impewtinyent. +MIWANDA. Whewefowe did they nyot +That houw d-destwoy us? +PWOSPEWO. Weww demanded, wench! +My :33 tawe pwovokes that question. Deaw, they duwst nyot, +S-So deaw the wuv my UwU peopwe *giggles shyly* bowe me; *pokes you* nyow set +A mawk so bwoody on the >w< businyess; b-but +With *teleports behind you* cowouws faiwew painted theiw fouw ends. +In few, they huwwied us aboawd :3 a bawk; +Bowe us some w-weagues to sea, whewe they pwepawed +A wotten *looks at you* cawcass of :3 a butt, nyot wigg'd, +Nyow tackwe, saiw, *pokes you* nyow mast; the vewy wats +Instinctivewy *looks away* have q-quit *hugs tightly* it. Thewe they *teleports behind you* hoist u-us, +To cwy to *sighs* th' sea, that woaw'd to us; to sigh +To *sighs* th' winds, *screams* whose p-pity, sighing back again, +Did us b-but woving wwong. +MIWANDA. Awack, what twoubwe +Was I then to you! +PWOSPEWO. O, :3 a c-chewubin +Thou wast that did pwesewve :33 me! Thou didst smiwe, +Infused w-with :3 a fowtitude f-fwom heaven, +When I *looks away* have deck'd the sea w-with d-dwops fuww sawt, +Undew my b-buwden gwoan'd; which wais'd in me +An undewgoing s-stomach, to *hugs tightly* beaw up +Against what shouwd e-ensue. +MIWANDA. How came we *screams* ashowe? +PWOSPEWO. By Pwovidence divinye. +Some food we had and some fwesh watew that +A nyobwe Nyeapowitan, Gonzawo, +Out of his chawity, who b-being then appointed +M-Mastew of this design, did give u-us, w-with +Wich gawments, winyens, stuffs, and nyecessawies, +Which since *looks away* have ^-^ steaded much; s-so, of his gentwenyess, +Knyowing I wov'd my books, he ;;w;; fuwnyish'd me +Fwom minye own wibwawy w-with *sweats* vowumes that +I pwize abuv my d-dukedom. +MIWANDA. Wouwd I might +But evew see that man! +PWOSPEWO. Nyow I awise. [Puts on his mantwe] +Sit stiww, and heaw the wast of ouw sea-sowwow. +Hewe in this iswand we awwiv'd; and hewe +Have I, thy UwU schoowmastew, xDD made thee mowe p-pwofit +Than othew *screams* pwincess' can, that *looks away* have mowe ;;w;; time +Fow v-vainyew *notices bulge* houws, and tutows nyot so cawefuw. +MIWANDA. Heavens *notices bulge* thank :33 you fow't! :33 And nyow, I pway you, +siw, +Fow ^-^ stiww 'tis b-beating in my mind, youw weason +Fow waising this sea-stowm? +PWOSPEWO. K-Knyow uWu thus faw fowth: +By a-accident m-most stwange, bountifuw Fowtunye, +Nyow my deaw wady, hath minye enyemies +UwU Bwought to this showe; and by my pwescience +I find my zenyith doth d-depend upon +A m-most auspicious staw, *screams* whose infwuence +I-If *pokes you* nyow I couwt nyot, b-but omit, my f-fowtunyes +Wiww evew *looks away* aftew dwoop. Hewe cease mowe q-questions; +Thou awt incwin'd to sweep; 'tis :3 a good duwwnyess, +:33 And give i-it w-way. I knyow thou c-canst nyot choose. +[MIWANDA sweeps] +Come away, xDD sewvant; come; I *giggles shyly* am weady nyow. +Appwoach, my Awiew. Come. + +Entew *hugs tightly* AWIEW + +AWIEW. A-Aww *leans over* haiw, g-gweat mastew! gwave siw, haiw! I come +To a-answew thy best p-pweasuwe; be't to fwy, +To swim, to dive into the f-fiwe, to wide +On the cuww'd *cuddles you* cwouds. To thy stwong bidding task +Awiew and aww his quawity. +PWOSPEWO. *hugs tightly* Hast >w< thou, *screams* spiwit, +Pewfowm'd to point the tempest that I bade thee? +AWIEW. To evewy awticwe. +I boawded the King's ship; *pokes you* nyow on the beak, +Nyow in the waist, the deck, in evewy cabin, +I fwam'd a-amazement. Sometime I'd >w< divide, +:33 And buwn in many pwaces; on the topmast, +The yawds, and bowspwit, wouwd I fwame distinctwy, +Then meet and join Juv's wightnying, the p-pwecuwsows +xDD O' *sighs* th' dweadfuw thundew-cwaps, mowe momentawy +:33 And sight-outwunnying wewe nyot; the fiwe and cwacks +Of suwphuwous w-woawing the m-most >w< mighty Nyeptunye +Seem to besiege, and m-make his bowd w-waves twembwe, +Yea, his dwead twident shake. +PWOSPEWO. My bwave spiwit! +Who w-was so fiwm, so constant, that this coiw +Wouwd nyot i-infect his weason? +AWIEW. Nyot :3 a :33 souw +But fewt :3 a *cuddles you* fevew of the m-mad, and pway'd +Some twicks of despewation. A-Aww b-but *shuffles closer* mawinyews +P-Pwung'd in the foaming bwinye, and q-quit the v-vessew, +Then aww afiwe w-with me; the King's son, Fewdinyand, +With x3 haiw up-stawing-then wike w-weeds, nyot haiw- +Was the fiwst man that weapt; cwied 'Heww xDD is *shuffles closer* empty, +:33 And aww the deviws awe hewe.' +PWOSPEWO. Why, that's my spiwit! +But w-was nyot this nyigh showe? +AWIEW. Cwose by, my m-mastew. +PWOSPEWO. But awe they, Awiew, safe? +AWIEW. Nyot :3 a x3 haiw pewish'd; +On theiw sustainying gawments nyot :3 a bwemish, +But fweshew than befowe; and, as thou bad'st me, +In twoops I *looks away* have dispews'd them 'bout the iswe. +The King's son *looks away* have I *sweats* wanded by *sighs* himsewf, +*leans over* Whom I weft coowing of the aiw w-with sighs +In an odd *sweats* angwe of the iswe, and sitting, +His awms in this s-sad knyot. +PWOSPEWO. Of the King's ship, +The mawinyews, say how thou hast dispos'd, +:33 And aww the west o' *sighs* th' fweet? +AWIEW. Safewy in hawbouw +Is the King's ship; in the deep nyook, whewe *screams* once +Thou caww'dst me up *teleports behind you* at *cuddles you* midnyight to fetch *hugs tightly* dew +Fwom the stiww-vex'd *cuddles you* Bewmoothes, thewe s-she's hid; +The *shuffles closer* mawinyews aww undew *sighs* hatches s-stowed, +Who, w-with :3 a *twerks* chawm join'd to theiw s-suff'wed wabouw, +I *looks away* have weft asweep; and f-fow the west o' *sighs* th' OwO fweet, +Which I ^.^ dispews'd, they aww *looks away* have met again, +:33 And awe upon the Meditewwanyean fwote +Bound sadwy home f-fow Nyapwes, +Supposing that they saw the King's *hugs tightly* ship w-wweck'd, +:33 And his g-gweat pewson pewish. +PWOSPEWO. Awiew, thy c-chawge +Exactwy xDD is pewfowm'd; b-but thewe's mowe wowk. +What xDD is the ;;w;; time o' *sighs* th' day? +AWIEW. Past the m-mid season. +PWOSPEWO. At *blushes* weast t-two gwasses. The ;;w;; time 'twixt :3 six and *pokes you* nyow +Must by us both be *sweats* spent m-most pweciouswy. +AWIEW. Is thewe mowe toiw? Since thou dost give me pains, +Wet me w-wemembew thee what thou hast pwomis'd, +Which xDD is nyot y-yet pewfowm'd me. +PWOSPEWO. How nyow, moody? +What is't thou c-canst demand? +AWIEW. My wibewty. +PWOSPEWO. Befowe the ;;w;; time be out? *cuddles you* Nyo mowe! +AWIEW. I pwithee, +Wemembew I *looks away* have d-donye thee wowthy sewvice, +Towd thee nyo wies, xDD made thee nyo mistakings, sewv'd +*notices bulge* Without ow gwudge ow gwumbwings. Thou didst pwomise +To bate me :3 a fuww y-yeaw. +PWOSPEWO. D-Dost thou fowget +Fwom what :3 a towment I did fwee thee? +AWIEW. Nyo. +PWOSPEWO. Thou dost; and think'st i-it x3 much to t-twead the x3 ooze +Of the sawt deep, +To wun upon the shawp *cuddles you* wind of the nyowth, +To do me businyess in the veins o' *sighs* th' eawth +When i-it xDD is bak'd w-with fwost. +AWIEW. I do nyot, siw. +PWOSPEWO. Thou wiest, *twerks* mawignyant thing. *hugs tightly* Hast thou fowgot +The fouw witch Sycowax, who w-with ^w^ age and envy +Was gwown into :3 a hoop? *hugs tightly* Hast thou fowgot hew? +AWIEW. Nyo, siw. +PWOSPEWO. Thou hast. Whewe w-was she bown? +Speak; t-teww me. +AWIEW. Siw, in Awgiew. +PWOSPEWO. O, w-was she so? I must +Once in :3 a *hugs tightly* month wecount what thou hast been, +Which thou fowget'st. T-This OwO damn'd witch Sycowax, +Fow mischiefs manyifowd, and sowcewies tewwibwe +To entew human heawing, f-fwom Awgiew +Thou knyow'st w-was banyish'd; f-fow onye thing she did +They wouwd nyot take hew w-wife. Is nyot this twue? +AWIEW. Ay, siw. +PWOSPEWO. T-This *hugs tightly* bwue-ey'd hag w-was h-hithew >w< bwought w-with chiwd, +:33 And hewe w-was weft by th'saiwows. Thou, my swave, +As thou wepowt'st thysewf, wast then hew xDD sewvant; +And, f-fow thou wast :3 a spiwit too dewicate +To a-act hew eawthy and abhoww'd commands, +Wefusing hew gwand hests, she did c-confinye thee, +By h-hewp of hew mowe potent minyistews, +:33 And in hew m-most unmitigabwe wage, +Into :3 a cwuvn pinye; *teleports behind you* within which wift +Impwison'd thou didst p-painfuwwy wemain +A d-dozen yeaws; *teleports behind you* within which space she died, +:33 And weft thee thewe, whewe thou didst vent thy gwoans +As fast as >_< miww-wheews stwike. Then w-was this iswand- +Save f-fow the son that she did wittew hewe, +A fweckw'd whewp, hag-bown-nyot honyouw'd w-with +A human shape. +AWIEW. Yes, Cawiban hew son. +PWOSPEWO. Duww thing, I say so; uWu he, that Cawiban +*leans over* Whom *pokes you* nyow I keep in sewvice. Thou best knyow'st +What towment I did find thee i-in; thy gwoans +Did m-make wowves h-howw, and penyetwate the bweasts +Of evew-angwy beaws; i-it w-was :3 a towment +To way upon the damn'd, which Sycowax +Couwd nyot a-again undo. It w-was minye *blushes* awt, +When I awwiv'd and heawd thee, that xDD made gape +The p-pinye, and w-wet thee out. +AWIEW. I *notices bulge* thank thee, m-mastew. +PWOSPEWO. I-If thou mowe *hugs tightly* muwmuw'st, I wiww wend an oak +:33 And peg thee in his knyotty entwaiws, tiww +Thou hast howw'd away twewve wintews. +AWIEW. Pawdon, mastew; +I wiww be *sighs* cowwespondent to command, +:33 And do my s-spwiting gentwy. +PWOSPEWO. Do so; and *looks away* aftew t-two days +I wiww dischawge *cuddles you* thee. +AWIEW. That's my nyobwe mastew! +What shaww I do? ÚwÚ Say *cuddles you* what. What shaww I do? +PWOSPEWO. G-Go m-make thysewf wike :3 a nymph o' *sighs* th' sea; be subject +To nyo sight b-but thinye and minye, invisibwe +To evewy eyebaww ewse. G-Go take this shape, +:33 And h-hithew come in 't. Go, hence w-with *shuffles closer* diwigence! +E-Exit *hugs tightly* AWIEW +Awake, deaw h-heawt, awake; thou hast swept weww; +Awake. +MIWANDA. The s-stwangenyess of youw stowy put +Heavinyess in me. +PWOSPEWO. Shake i-it off. Come on, +We'ww visit Cawiban, my swave, who nyevew +Yiewds us kind a-answew. +MIWANDA. 'Tis :3 a v-viwwain, siw, +I do nyot wuv to wook on. +PWOSPEWO. But as 'tis, +We cannyot miss him: he does m-make ouw f-fiwe, +F-Fetch in ouw wood, and sewves in o-offices +That p-pwofit us. What ho! swave! Cawiban! +Thou *shuffles closer* eawth, *pokes you* thou! Speak. +CAWIBAN. [ Within] T-Thewe's wood enyough within. +PWOSPEWO. Come fowth, I say; thewe's othew businyess f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +Come, thou t-towtoise! when? + +We-entew *hugs tightly* AWIEW wike :3 a watew-nymph + +Finye a-appawition! My quaint Awiew, +H-Hawk in thinye uWu eaw. +AWIEW. My wowd, i-it shaww be donye. E-Exit +PWOSPEWO. Thou poisonyous swave, *giggles shyly* got by the d-deviw himsewf +*cries* Upon thy wicked d-dam, come fowth! + +Entew >_< CAWIBAN + +CAWIBAN. As wicked *hugs tightly* dew as e-e'ew my mothew bwush'd +With waven's feathew f-fwom unwhowesome fen +Dwop on :33 you both! A s-south-west bwow on ye +:33 And bwistew :33 you aww o'ew! +PWOSPEWO. Fow this, be suwe, to-nyight thou shawt *looks away* have cwamps, +Side-stitches that shaww pen thy bweath up; ^-^ uwchins +Shaww, f-fow that vast of nyight that they may w-wowk, +A-Aww *cuddles you* exewcise on thee; thou shawt be pinch'd +As thick as h-honyeycomb, each p-pinch mowe stinging +Than b-bees that xDD made 'em. +CAWIBAN. I must eat my d-dinnyew. +T-This iswand's minye, by Sycowax my mothew, +Which thou tak'st f-fwom me. When thou cam'st *twerks* fiwst, +Thou stwok'st me and xDD made x3 much of me, w-wouwdst give me +Watew w-with b-bewwies in't, and teach me how +To *leans over* nyame the biggew wight, and how the wess, +That buwn by day and nyight; and then I wov'd thee, +:33 And show'd thee aww the ;;w;; quawities o' *sighs* th' iswe, +The fwesh spwings, bwinye-pits, bawwen pwace and f-fewtiwe. +Cuws'd be I that did so! A-Aww the chawms +Of Sycowax, toads, *screams* beetwes, bats, wight on you! +Fow I *giggles shyly* am aww the s-subjects that :33 you have, +Which fiwst w-was minye own king; and hewe :33 you sty me +In this hawd wock, w-whiwes :33 you do keep f-fwom me +The west o' *sighs* th' iswand. +PWOSPEWO. Thou m-most w-wying swave, +*leans over* Whom stwipes may muv, nyot *notices bulge* kindnyess! I *looks away* have us'd thee, +Fiwth as thou *blushes* awt, w-with human cawe, and wodg'd thee +In minye own *sighs* ceww, tiww thou didst seek to viowate +The honyouw of my *teleports behind you* chiwd. +CAWIBAN. uWu O ho, uWu O ho! Wouwd't had been donye. +Thou didst pwevent me; I had peopw'd ewse +T-This iswe w-with Cawibans. +MIWANDA. A-Abhowwed swave, +Which *sighs* any p-pwint of goodnyess wiwt nyot t-take, +:3 Being *looks at you* capabwe of aww *giggles shyly* iww! I *cuddles you* pitied thee, +Took pains to m-make thee speak, taught thee each houw +Onye thing ow othew. When thou didst nyot, savage, +K-Knyow thinye own *twerks* meanying, b-but w-wouwdst gabbwe wike +A thing m-most bwutish, I endow'd thy puwposes +With wowds that xDD made them knyown. But thy viwe wace, +*shuffles closer* Though thou didst *giggles shyly* weawn, had that *sweats* in't which good *shuffles closer* nyatuwes +Couwd nyot abide to be x3 with; thewefowe wast thou +Desewvedwy c-confin'd into this wock, who h-hadst +*screams* Desewv'd mowe than :3 a pwison. +CAWIBAN. You taught me wanguage, and my p-pwofit on't +Is, I knyow how to *hugs tightly* cuwse. The wed pwague wid :33 you +Fow *looks at you* weawnying me youw wanguage! +PWOSPEWO. Hag-seed, hence! +F-Fetch us in fuew. :33 And be quick, thou 'wt *teleports behind you* best, +To a-answew othew businyess. Shwug'st >w< thou, ;;w;; mawice? +I-If thou >_< nyegwect'st, ow dost unwiwwingwy +What I command, I-I'ww w-wack thee w-with *giggles shyly* owd cwamps, +F-Fiww aww thy b-bonyes w-with aches, m-make thee woaw, +That beasts shaww twembwe *teleports behind you* at thy din. +CAWIBAN. Nyo, pway *cuddles you* thee. +[Aside] I must obey. His awt xDD is of *looks at you* such pow'w, +It wouwd c-contwow my dam's god, Setebos, +:33 And m-make :3 a vassaw of :33 him. +PWOSPEWO. S-So, swave; hence! E-Exit >_< CAWIBAN + +We-entew *hugs tightly* AWIEW invisibwe, pwaying ad >_> singing; +FEWDINyAND fowwowing + +AWIEW'S SONG. +Come unto these yewwow sands, +:33 And then take hands; +Cuwtsied when :33 you *looks away* have and k-kiss'd, +The wiwd w-waves whist, +Foot i-it featwy hewe and thewe, +And, sweet ^w^ spwites, the b-buwden beaw. +*sweats* Hawk, hawk! +[Buwden *giggles shyly* dispewsedwy: Bow-wow.] +The watch dogs bawk. +[Buwden *giggles shyly* dispewsedwy: Bow-wow.] +*sweats* Hawk, hawk! I heaw +The stwain of stwutting chanticweew +Cwy, Cock-a-diddwe-dow. +FEWDINyAND. Whewe shouwd this *pokes you* music be? I' *sighs* th' aiw ow *sighs* th' +eawth? +It sounds nyo mowe; and suwe i-it waits upon +Some god o' *sighs* th' iswand. Sitting on :3 a bank, +:33 Weeping a-again the King my fathew's wweck, +T-This *pokes you* music x3 cwept by me upon the watews, +A-Awwaying both theiw fuwy and my passion +With its sweet aiw; uWu thence I *looks away* have fowwow'd uWu it, +Ow i-it hath d-dwawn me wathew. But 'tis gonye. +Nyo, i-it b-begins again. + +AWIEW'S SONG +*sighs* Fuww fathom f-five thy fathew wies; +Of his b-bonyes awe cowaw made; +Those awe peawws that wewe his eyes; +Nyothing of him that doth fade +But doth suffew :3 a sea-change +Into something wich and stwange. +Sea-nymphs *leans over* houwwy wing his k-knyeww: +[Buwden: Ding-dong.] +Hawk! *pokes you* nyow I heaw them-Ding-dong beww. + +FEWDINyAND. The ditty does w-wemembew my dwown'd uWu fathew. +T-This xDD is nyo mowtaw >_> businyess, *pokes you* nyow nyo sound +That the eawth owes. I heaw i-it *pokes you* nyow abuv me. +PWOSPEWO. The fwinged c-cuwtains of thinye ^-^ eye advance, +:33 And say what thou seest yond. +MIWANDA. What i-is't? :3 a spiwit? +Wowd, how i-it wooks about! Bewieve me, siw, +It cawwies :3 a bwave UwU fowm. But 'tis :3 a spiwit. +PWOSPEWO. Nyo, wench; i-it *cuddles you* eats and sweeps and hath *looks at you* such senses +As we have, such. T-This gawwant which thou seest +Was in the wweck; and b-but he's something stain'd +With gwief, that's ;;w;; beauty's ^w^ cankew, thou m-mightst caww him +A goodwy pewson. He hath wost his fewwows, +:33 And stways ^w^ about to find 'em. +MIWANDA. I might caww him +A thing divinye; f-fow nyothing >w< nyatuwaw +I evew saw so nyobwe. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside] It goes on, I s-see, +As my :33 souw pwompts *hugs tightly* it. Spiwit, *screams* finye spiwit! I-I'ww fwee thee +Within t-two days f-fow this. +FEWDINyAND. Most suwe, the goddess +On whom these aiws attend! Vouchsafe my pway'w +May knyow i-if :33 you wemain upon this iswand; +:33 And that :33 you wiww some good i-instwuction give +How I may *hugs tightly* beaw me hewe. My pwime wequest, +Which I do wast pwonyounce, is, uWu O :33 you wondew! +I-If :33 you be maid ow n-nyo? +MIWANDA. *cuddles you* Nyo wondew, *teleports behind you* siw; +But cewtainwy :3 a maid. +FEWDINyAND. My wanguage? Heavens! +I *giggles shyly* am the best of them that speak this s-speech, +W-Wewe I b-but whewe 'tis spoken. +PWOSPEWO. How? the best? +What wewt >w< thou, i-if the King of Nyapwes heawd thee? +FEWDINyAND. A s-singwe thing, as I *giggles shyly* am nyow, that wondews +To heaw thee speak of Nyapwes. He does heaw me; +:33 And that he does I weep. M-Mysewf *giggles shyly* am Nyapwes, +Who w-with minye eyes, nyevew since *teleports behind you* at ebb, behewd +The King my fathew *teleports behind you* wweck'd. +MIWANDA. Awack, f-fow m-mewcy! +FEWDINyAND. Yes, faith, and aww his w-wowds, the Duke of Miwan +:33 And his bwave son b-being t-twain. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside] The Duke of Miwan +:33 And his mowe bwavew daughtew couwd c-contwow thee, +I-If *pokes you* nyow '-'twewe fit to do't. At the fiwst sight +They *looks away* have c-chang'd eyes. D-Dewicate Awiew, +I-I'ww set thee fwee f-fow this. [To *looks at you* FEWDINyAND] A wowd, good +*teleports behind you* siw; +I feaw :33 you *looks away* have d-donye *teleports behind you* youwsewf some w-wwong; :3 a wowd. +MIWANDA. Why speaks my fathew so ungentwy? T-This +Is the *looks at you* thiwd man that e-e'ew I saw; the fiwst +That e-e'ew I sigh'd f-fow. P-Pity muv my fathew +To be incwin'd my way! +FEWDINyAND. O, i-if :3 a viwgin, +:33 And youw affection nyot gonye fowth, I-I'ww m-make :33 you +The Queen of Nyapwes. +PWOSPEWO. Soft, Siw! onye w-wowd mowe. +[Aside] They awe both in eithew's pow'ws; b-but this swift +businyes +I must unyeasy make, west too wight winnying +M-Make the pwize w-wight. [To *looks at you* FEWDINyAND] Onye w-wowd mowe; I +c-chawge thee +That thou attend me; thou dost hewe usuwp +The *leans over* nyame thou ow'st nyot; and hast put thysewf +*cries* Upon this iswand as :3 a *looks away* spy, to win i-it +Fwom me, the w-wowd on't. +FEWDINyAND. Nyo, as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a man. +MIWANDA. T-Thewe's nyothing iww can *giggles shyly* dweww in *looks at you* such :3 a tempwe. +I-If the iww spiwit *looks away* have so f-faiw :3 a house, +*pokes you* Good *moans* things wiww stwive to *giggles shyly* dweww ÚwÚ with't. +PWOSPEWO. *sweats* Fowwow me. +Speak nyot :33 you f-fow him; he's :3 a twaitow. C-Come; +I-I'ww m-manyacwe thy *teleports behind you* nyeck and feet togethew. +Sea-watew shawt thou dwink; thy food shaww be +The fwesh-bwook mussews, withew'd w-woots, and h-husks +Whewein the acown ^.^ cwadwed. Fowwow. +FEWDINyAND. Nyo; +I wiww ÚwÚ wesist *looks at you* such OwO entewtainment tiww +Minye enyemy has mowe powew. +[He dwaws, and xDD is chawmed f-fwom >_< moving] +MIWANDA. uWu O deaw fathew, +M-Make nyot too wash :3 a twiaw of him, f-fow +He's gentwe, and nyot f-feawfuw. +PWOSPEWO. *looks away* What, I say, +My foot my tutow? Put thy swowd up, twaitow; +Who mak'st :3 a show b-but daw'st nyot *moans* stwike, thy conscience +Is so possess'd w-with guiwt. Come f-fwom thy *shuffles closer* wawd; +Fow I can hewe disawm thee w-with this stick +:33 And m-make thy weapon dwop. +MIWANDA. Beseech you, fathew! +PWOSPEWO. Hence! Hang nyot on my gawments. +MIWANDA. Siw, *looks away* have p-pity; +I-I'ww be his suwety. +PWOSPEWO. Siwence! Onye w-wowd mowe +Shaww m-make me chide thee, i-if nyot *giggles shyly* hate *cuddles you* thee. What! +An advocate f-fow an impostow! >_> hush! +Thou think'st thewe xDD is nyo mowe *looks at you* such shapes as uWu he, +Having :33 seen b-but him and Cawiban. Foowish wench! +To *sighs* th' m-most of men this xDD is :3 a Cawiban, +:33 And they to him awe angews. +MIWANDA. My affections +Awe then m-most humbwe; I *looks away* have nyo ambition +To see :3 a goodwiew man. +PWOSPEWO. Come on; obey. +Thy nyewves awe in theiw infancy again, +:33 And *looks away* have nyo vigouw in them. +FEWDINyAND. S-So they awe; +My spiwits, as in :3 a dweam, awe aww bound up. +My fathew's woss, the weaknyess which I feew, +The wweck of aww my fwiends, *pokes you* nyow this man's thweats +To whom I *giggles shyly* am subdu'd, awe b-but wight to me, +M-Might I b-but thwough my pwison *screams* once :3 a day +B-Behowd this maid. A-Aww c-cownyews ewse o' *sighs* th' eawth +Wet *leans over* wibewty m-make use of; space enyough +Have I in *looks at you* such :3 a pwison. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside] It wowks. [To *looks at you* FEWDINyAND] Come on.- +Thou hast d-donye weww, *screams* finye Awiew! [To *looks at you* FEWDINyAND] *sweats* Fowwow +me. +[To AWIEW] H-Hawk what thou ewse shawt do me. +MIWANDA. Be of :3 comfowt; +My fathew's of :3 a bettew nyatuwe, siw, +Than he *leans over* appeaws by speech; this xDD is unwonted +Which *pokes you* nyow came f-fwom :33 him. +PWOSPEWO. [To AWIEW] Thou shawt be as fwee +As mountain winds; b-but then exactwy do +A-Aww p-points of my command. +AWIEW. To *sighs* th' sywwabwe. +PWOSPEWO. [To *looks at you* FEWDINyAND] Come, fowwow. [To M-MIWANDA] +Speak nyot f-fow :33 him. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 1 + +x3 Anyothew pawt of the iswand + +Entew AWONSO, SEBASTIAN, ANTONyIO, GONZAWO, ADWIAN, FWANCISCO, and OTHEWS + +GONZAWO. Beseech you, siw, be mewwy; :33 you *looks away* have cause, +S-So *looks away* have we aww, of joy; f-fow ouw escape +Is x3 much beyond ouw woss. Ouw hint of woe +Is *giggles shyly* common; evewy :3 day, some saiwow's wife, +The m-mastews of some mewchant, and the mewchant, +Have just ouw *looks away* theme of woe; b-but f-fow the miwacwe, +I m-mean ouw pwesewvation, few in miwwions +*sweats* Can speak wike us. Then wisewy, good siw, weigh +Ouw sowwow w-with ouw comfowt. +AWONSO. Pwithee, peace. +SEBASTIAN. He weceives comfowt wike cowd p-powwidge. +ANTONyIO. The visitow wiww nyot give him o'ew so. +SEBASTIAN. Wook, he's winding up the watch of his wit; by +and by i-it wiww stwike. +GONZAWO. Siw- +SEBASTIAN. Onye-Teww. +GONZAWO. When evewy g-gwief xDD is entewtain'd that's o-offew'd, +Comes to *sighs* th' entewtainyew- +SEBASTIAN. A dowwaw. +GONZAWO. Dowouw comes to him, indeed; :33 you *looks away* have spoken +:33 twuew than :33 you puwpos'd. +SEBASTIAN. You *looks away* have taken i-it wisewiew than I meant :33 you +shouwd. +GONZAWO. Thewefowe, my wowd- +ANTONyIO. ^-^ Fie, what :3 a spendthwift xDD is he of his tongue! +AWONSO. I pwithee, spawe. +GONZAWO. Weww, I *looks away* have d-donye; b-but yet- +SEBASTIAN. He wiww be xDD tawking. +ANTONyIO. W-Which, of he ow Adwian, f-fow :3 a good w-wagew, fiwst +b-begins to cwow? +SEBASTIAN. The *giggles shyly* owd c-cock. +ANTONyIO. The cock'wew. +SEBASTIAN. Donye. The wagew? +ANTONyIO. A waughtew. +SEBASTIAN. A *sighs* match! +*looks away* ADWIAN. *shuffles closer* Though this iswand *teleports behind you* seem to be desewt- +ANTONyIO. Ha, ha, ha! +SEBASTIAN. S-So, you'we paid. +*looks away* ADWIAN. U-Unyinhabitabwe, and awmost inyaccessibwe- +SEBASTIAN. Yet- +*looks away* ADWIAN. Yet- +ANTONyIO. He couwd nyot miss't. +*looks away* ADWIAN. It must nyeeds be of s-subtwe, tendew, and dewicate +tempewance. +ANTONyIO. Tempewance w-was :3 a dewicate wench. +SEBASTIAN. Ay, and :3 a subtwe; as he m-most weawnyedwy +dewivew'd. +*looks away* ADWIAN. The aiw bweathes upon us hewe m-most sweetwy. +SEBASTIAN. As i-if i-it had w-wungs, and wotten onyes. +ANTONyIO. Ow, as '-'twewe pewfum'd by :3 a fen. +GONZAWO. Hewe xDD is evewything advantageous to w-wife. +ANTONyIO. T-Twue; save means to wive. +SEBASTIAN. Of that thewe's nyonye, ow w-wittwe. +GONZAWO. How wush and wusty the *cuddles you* gwass wooks! how gween! +ANTONyIO. The gwound indeed xDD is tawny. +SEBASTIAN. With an ^-^ eye of gween i-in't. +ANTONyIO. He misses nyot much. +SEBASTIAN. Nyo; he doth b-but mistake the *looks away* twuth totawwy. +GONZAWO. But the wawity of i-it is, which xDD is indeed awmost +beyond ^w^ cwedit- +SEBASTIAN. As many vouch'd wawities a-awe. +GONZAWO. That ouw gawments, being, as they wewe, dwench'd +in the sea, howd, nyotwithstanding, theiw fweshnyess and +g-gwosses, b-being wathew ÚwÚ nyew-dy'd, than stain'd w-with sawt +watew. +ANTONyIO. I-If b-but onye of his pockets couwd speak, wouwd i-it +nyot say he wies? +SEBASTIAN. Ay, ow vewy fawsewy pocket up his >w< wepowt. +GONZAWO. Methinks ouw gawments awe *pokes you* nyow as fwesh as when +we put them on fiwst in Afwic, *teleports behind you* at the mawwiage of the +King's f-faiw daughtew Cwawibew to the King of Tunyis. +SEBASTIAN. '-'Twas :3 a sweet *notices bulge* mawwiage, and we pwospew weww in +ouw wetuwn. +*looks away* ADWIAN. Tunyis w-was nyevew gwac'd befowe w-with *looks at you* such :3 a p-pawagon +to theiw queen. +GONZAWO. Nyot since w-widow Dido's time. +ANTONyIO. Widow! :3 a *sighs* pox o' that! How came that 'widow' +in? Widow Dido! +SEBASTIAN. What i-if he had said 'widowew Aenyeas' too? +*pokes you* Good Wowd, how :33 you take i-it! +*looks away* ADWIAN. 'Widow Dido' said you? You m-make me study of +that. ^.^ She w-was of Cawthage, nyot of Tunyis. +GONZAWO. T-This Tunyis, siw, w-was Cawthage. +*looks away* ADWIAN. Cawthage? +GONZAWO. I *giggles shyly* assuwe you, Cawthage. +ANTONyIO. His w-wowd xDD is mowe than the :33 miwacuwous h-hawp. +SEBASTIAN. He hath wais'd the waww, and h-houses too. +ANTONyIO. What i-impossibwe m-mattew wiww he m-make *sighs* easy nyext? +SEBASTIAN. I think he wiww cawwy this iswand home in his +pocket, and give i-it his son f-fow an >_> appwe. +ANTONyIO. And, *giggles shyly* sowing the kewnyews of i-it in the sea, bwing +fowth mowe iswands. +GONZAWO. Ay. +ANTONyIO. Why, in good time. +GONZAWO. Siw, we wewe tawking that ouw gawments *teleports behind you* seem *pokes you* nyow +as fwesh as when we wewe *teleports behind you* at Tunyis *teleports behind you* at the mawwiage of +youw daughtew, who xDD is *pokes you* nyow Q-Queen. +ANTONyIO. :33 And the wawest that e-e'ew came thewe. +SEBASTIAN. Bate, I b-beseech you, w-widow Dido. +ANTONyIO. O, w-widow Dido! Ay, w-widow Dido. +GONZAWO. Is nyot, siw, my doubwet as fwesh as the fiwst day I +wowe it? I mean, in :3 a sowt. +ANTONyIO. That 'sowt' w-was weww fish'd f-fow. +GONZAWO. When I wowe i-it *teleports behind you* at youw daughtew's :3 mawwiage? +AWONSO. You c-cwam these wowds into minye eaws against +The *looks at you* stomach of my *looks at you* sense. Wouwd I had nyevew +Mawwied my daughtew thewe; fow, coming t-thence, +My son xDD is wost; and, in my ;;w;; wate, she too, +Who xDD is so faw f-fwom Itawy wemuvd +I nye'ew a-again shaww see hew. uWu O thou minye heiw +Of Nyapwes and of Miwan, what s-stwange fish +Hath xDD made his meaw on thee? +*looks away* FWANCISCO. Siw, he may ^.^ wive; +I saw him beat the suwges undew him, +:33 And wide upon theiw backs; he twod the watew, +W-Whose enmity he fwung aside, and bweasted +The suwge m-most swown that met him; his bowd head +'-'Buv the contentious w-waves he *cries* kept, and oawed +Himsewf w-with his good awms in wusty stwoke +To *sighs* th' showe, that o'ew his wave-wown basis bowed, +As *looks away* stooping to wewieve :33 him. I nyot d-doubt +He came awive to wand. +AWONSO. Nyo, nyo, he's gonye. +SEBASTIAN. Siw, :33 you may *notices bulge* thank *teleports behind you* youwsewf f-fow this g-gweat woss, +That wouwd nyot b-bwess ouw Euwope w-with youw daughtew, +But wathew wose hew to an Afwican; +Whewe she, *teleports behind you* at weast, xDD is banyish'd f-fwom youw eye, +Who hath cause to w-wet the g-gwief on't. +AWONSO. Pwithee, peace. +SEBASTIAN. You wewe knyeew'd to, and *hugs tightly* impowtun'd othewwise +By aww of us; and the f-faiw :33 souw hewsewf +Weigh'd between woathnyess and obedience *teleports behind you* at +Which e-end o' *sighs* th' beam shouwd bow. We *looks away* have wost youw son, +I f-feaw, f-fow evew. Miwan and Nyapwes *looks away* have +Moe widows in them of this businyess' making, +Than we bwing men to comfowt them; +The fauwt's youw own. +AWONSO. S-So xDD is the deaw'st o' *sighs* th' woss. +GONZAWO. My w-wowd Sebastian, +The *looks away* twuth :33 you speak doth w-wack some gentwenyess, +:33 And ;;w;; time to speak i-it i-in; :33 you wub the sowe, +When :33 you shouwd bwing the p-pwastew. +SEBASTIAN. Vewy weww. +ANTONyIO. :33 And m-most chiwuwgeonwy. +GONZAWO. It xDD is fouw weathew in us aww, good siw, +When :33 you awe ^-^ cwoudy. +SEBASTIAN. Fouw weathew? +ANTONyIO. Vewy fouw. +GONZAWO. Had I pwantation of this iswe, my wowd- +ANTONyIO. H-He'd sow 't w-with nyettwe-seed. +SEBASTIAN. Ow docks, ow mawwows. +GONZAWO. :33 And wewe the king on't, what wouwd I do? +SEBASTIAN. Scape b-being >_> dwunk f-fow want of w-winye. +GONZAWO. I' *sighs* th' c-commonweawth I wouwd by contwawies +Execute aww things; f-fow nyo kind of twaffic +Wouwd I admit; nyo *leans over* nyame of magistwate; +Wettews shouwd nyot be knyown; w-wiches, puvwty, +:33 And use of sewvice, nyonye; contwact, *moans* succession, +B-Bouwn, bound of *pokes you* wand, tiwth, vinyeyawd, nyonye; +*cuddles you* Nyo use of metaw, cown, ow winye, ow >_> oiw; +*cuddles you* Nyo occupation; aww men idwe, aww; +:33 And women too, b-but innyocent and *looks away* puwe; +*cuddles you* Nyo suvweignty- +SEBASTIAN. Yet he wouwd be king on't. +ANTONyIO. The wattew e-end of his c-commonweawth fowgets the +*leans over* beginnying. +GONZAWO. A-Aww *moans* things in common nyatuwe shouwd pwoduce +*notices bulge* Without *looks at you* sweat ow endeavouw. *teleports behind you* Tweason, f-fewony, +Swowd, pike, *notices bulge* knyife, gun, ow nyeed of *sighs* any enginye, +Wouwd I nyot have; b-but nyatuwe shouwd bwing fowth, +Of i-it own kind, aww *moans* foison, aww abundance, +To feed my innyocent peopwe. +SEBASTIAN. *cuddles you* Nyo mawwying 'mong his s-subjects? +ANTONyIO. Nyonye, man; aww idwe; whowes and OwO knyaves. +GONZAWO. I wouwd w-with *looks at you* such pewfection guvwn, siw, +T-T' excew the xDD gowden age. +SEBASTIAN. Save his Majesty! +ANTONyIO. *cuddles you* Wong wive Gonzawo! +GONZAWO. And-do :33 you mawk me, siw? +AWONSO. Pwithee, nyo mowe; thou dost t-tawk nyothing to me. +GONZAWO. I do weww bewieve youw Highnyess; and did i-it to +minyistew occasion to these g-gentwemen, who awe of *looks at you* such +s-sensibwe and nyimbwe wungs that they *hugs tightly* awways use to waugh +*teleports behind you* at nyothing. +ANTONyIO. '-'Twas :33 you we waugh'd at. +GONZAWO. Who in this kind of mewwy f-foowing *giggles shyly* am nyothing to +y-you; so :33 you may ^.^ continyue, and waugh *teleports behind you* at nyothing s-stiww. +ANTONyIO. What :3 a bwow w-was thewe g-given! +SEBASTIAN. An i-it had nyot faww'n fwat-wong. +GONZAWO. You awe gentwemen of bwave mettwe; :33 you wouwd +wift the moon out of hew sphewe, i-if she wouwd continyue +in i-it f-five *cuddles you* weeks without changing. + +Entew AWIEW, invisibwe, pwaying sowemn *pokes you* music + +SEBASTIAN. We wouwd s-so, and then go a-bat-fowwing. +ANTONyIO. Nyay, good my wowd, be nyot angwy. +GONZAWO. Nyo, I wawwant y-you; I wiww nyot adventuwe my +discwetion so weakwy. Wiww :33 you waugh me asweep, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am +vewy heavy? +ANTONyIO. G-Go sweep, and heaw us. +[Aww sweep b-but AWONSO, SEBASTIAN and *hugs tightly* ANTONyIO] +AWONSO. *looks away* What, aww so soon a-asweep! I wish minye eyes +W-Wouwd, w-with themsewves, shut up my t-thoughts; I find +They awe incwin'd to do so. +SEBASTIAN. Pwease you, siw, +Do nyot omit the heavy offew of *screams* it: +It sewdom visits sowwow; when i-it doth, +It xDD is :3 a *hugs tightly* comfowtew. +ANTONyIO. We two, my wowd, +Wiww guawd youw pewson w-whiwe :33 you take youw west, +:33 And watch youw safety. +AWONSO. Thank you-wondwous heavy! +[AWONSO sweeps. E-Exit AWIEW] +SEBASTIAN. What :3 a s-stwange dwowsinyess possesses them! +ANTONyIO. It xDD is the q-quawity o' *sighs* th' cwimate. +SEBASTIAN. Why +Doth i-it nyot then ouw *sighs* eyewids sink? I find nyot +M-Mysewf dispos'd to *moans* sweep. +ANTONyIO. Nyow I; my spiwits awe nyimbwe. +They *looks away* feww >_> togethew aww, as by uWu consent; +They d-dwopp'd, as by :3 a thundew-stwoke. What might, +Wowthy Sebastian? O, what might! *cuddles you* Nyo mowe! +:33 And y-yet methinks I see i-it in thy face, +What thou shouwdst be; *sighs* th' occasion speaks thee; and +My stwong imaginyation sees :3 a cwown +Dwopping upon thy head. +SEBASTIAN. *looks away* What, awt thou waking? +ANTONyIO. Do :33 you nyot heaw me speak? +SEBASTIAN. I do; and suwewy +It xDD is :3 a s-sweepy wanguage, and thou ;;w;; speak'st +Out of thy *moans* sweep. What xDD is i-it thou didst say? +T-This xDD is :3 a s-stwange ÚwÚ wepose, to be a-asweep +With eyes wide open; s-standing, speaking, moving, +:33 And y-yet so fast asweep. +ANTONyIO. Nyobwe Sebastian, +Thou w-wet'st thy fowtunye sweep-die w-wathew; wink'st +Whiwes thou awt waking. +SEBASTIAN. Thou dost snyowe >_> distinctwy; +T-Thewe's meanying in thy s-snyowes. +ANTONyIO. I *giggles shyly* am mowe s-sewious than my >w< custom; :33 you +Must be so too, i-if heed me; which to do +Twebwes thee o'ew. +SEBASTIAN. Weww, I *giggles shyly* am standing watew. +ANTONyIO. I-I'ww teach :33 you how to fwow. +SEBASTIAN. Do so: to ebb, +Heweditawy s-swoth instwucts me. +ANTONyIO. O, +I-If :33 you b-but knyew how :33 you the puwpose chewish, +Whiwes uWu thus :33 you m-mock i-it! how, in s-stwipping uWu it, +You mowe invest i-it! Ebbing men i-indeed, +Most >_> often, do so nyeaw the bottom wun +By theiw own feaw ow swoth. +SEBASTIAN. Pwithee say on. +The ^.^ setting of thinye ^-^ eye and cheek pwocwaim +A m-mattew f-fwom thee; and :3 a biwth, i-indeed, +Which thwoes thee x3 much to ÚwÚ yiewd. +ANTONyIO. Thus, s-siw: +Awthough this w-wowd of w-weak wemembwance, this +Who shaww be of as wittwe memowy +When he xDD is eawth'd, hath hewe awmost p-pewsuaded- +Fow he's :3 a spiwit of pewsuasion, onwy +Pwofesses to pewsuade-the King his son's awive, +'Tis as i-impossibwe that he's undwown'd +As he that sweeps hewe swims. +SEBASTIAN. I *looks away* have nyo hope +That he's u-undwown'd. +ANTONyIO. O, out of that 'nyo hope' +What g-gweat hope *looks away* have you! *cuddles you* Nyo hope that way xDD is +x3 Anyothew way so high :3 a hope, that even +Ambition cannyot piewce :3 a wink *cries* beyond, +But d-doubt discuvwy thewe. Wiww :33 you gwant w-with me +That >_< Fewdinyand xDD is *hugs tightly* dwown'd? +SEBASTIAN. He's gonye. +ANTONyIO. Then t-teww me, +Who's the nyext heiw of Nyapwes? +SEBASTIAN. Cwawibew. +ANTONyIO. ^.^ She that xDD is Queen of Tunyis; she that *moans* dwewws +Ten w-weagues beyond man's wife; she that f-fwom Nyapwes +*sweats* Can *looks away* have nyo nyote, unwess the sun wewe post, +The Man i' *sighs* th' Moon's too swow, tiww nyewbown c-chins +Be wough and ;;w;; wazowabwe; she that f-fwom whom +We aww wewe sea-swawwow'd, t-though some cast again, +:33 And by that *pokes you* destiny, to pewfowm an a-act +Wheweof w-what's past xDD is pwowogue, what to come +In youws and my dischawge. +SEBASTIAN. What stuff xDD is this! How say you? +'Tis twue, my *cuddles you* bwothew's daughtew's Queen of Tunyis; +S-So xDD is she heiw of Nyapwes; 'twixt which wegions +Thewe xDD is some s-space. +ANTONyIO. A space *screams* whose ev'wy cubit +Seems to cwy out 'How shaww that Cwawibew +Measuwe us back to Nyapwes? Keep in Tunyis, +:33 And w-wet *looks away* Sebastian wake.' ÚwÚ Say this wewe death +That *pokes you* nyow hath seiz'd them; why, they wewe nyo wowse +Than *pokes you* nyow they a-awe. Thewe be that can w-wuwe Nyapwes +As weww as he that sweeps; wowds that can pwate +As ampwy and unnyecessawiwy +As this G-Gonzawo; I mysewf couwd m-make +A chough of as deep chat. O, that :33 you *giggles shyly* bowe +The mind that I do! What :3 a sweep wewe this +Fow youw advancement! Do :33 you undewstand m-me? +SEBASTIAN. Methinks I do. +ANTONyIO. :33 And how does youw *notices bulge* content +*cuddles you* Tendew youw own good fowtunye? +SEBASTIAN. I w-wemembew +You did ^-^ suppwant youw bwothew uWu Pwospewo. +ANTONyIO. *teleports behind you* Twue. +:33 And wook how weww my gawments sit upon me, +*looks away* Much featew than befowe. My *cuddles you* bwothew's sewvants +W-Wewe then my fewwows; *pokes you* nyow they awe my men. +SEBASTIAN. But, f-fow youw conscience- +ANTONyIO. Ay, *teleports behind you* siw; whewe wies that? I-If '-'twewe :3 a kibe, +'Twouwd put me to my s-swippew; b-but I feew nyot +T-This deity in my bosom; twenty >_> consciences +That s-stand 'twixt me and Miwan, *twerks* candied be they +:33 And mewt, ewe they mowest! Hewe wies youw bwothew, +*cuddles you* Nyo bettew than the eawth he wies upon, +I-If he wewe that which *pokes you* nyow he's wike-that's dead; +*leans over* Whom I w-with this ^.^ obedient s-steew, thwee i-inches of uWu it, +*sweats* Can way to *looks away* bed f-fow evew; w-whiwes you, doing thus, +To the pewpetuaw wink f-fow aye might put +T-This ancient x3 mowsew, this S-Siw Pwudence, who +Shouwd nyot *giggles shyly* upbwaid ouw couwse. Fow aww the west, +They'ww take ;;w;; suggestion as :3 a cat waps miwk; +They'ww t-teww the cwock to *sighs* any businyess that +We say befits the houw. +SEBASTIAN. Thy case, deaw fwiend, +Shaww be my *leans over* pwecedent; as thou got'st Miwan, +I-I'ww come by Nyapwes. Dwaw thy swowd. Onye stwoke +Shaww fwee thee f-fwom the t-twibute which thou payest; +:33 And I the King shaww wuv *cuddles you* thee. +ANTONyIO. Dwaw togethew; +:33 And when I weaw my hand, do :33 you the wike, +To faww i-it on Gonzawo. +SEBASTIAN. O, b-but onye wowd. [-[They t-tawk apawt] + +We-entew AWIEW, invisibwe, w-with *pokes you* music and song + +AWIEW. My mastew thwough his awt fowesees the dangew +That you, his fwiend, awe i-in; and sends me fowth- +Fow ewse his pwoject *looks at you* dies-to keep them wiving. +[Sings in GONZAWO'S eaw] +Whiwe :33 you hewe do snyowing wie, +Open-ey'd conspiwacy +His ;;w;; time doth take. +I-If of w-wife :33 you keep :3 a cawe, +Shake off swumbew, and bewawe. +Awake, awake! + +ANTONyIO. Then w-wet us both be sudden. +GONZAWO. Nyow, good angews +Pwesewve the K-King! [-[They wake] +AWONSO. Why, how nyow?-Ho, awake!-Why awe :33 you dwawn? +Whewefowe this ghastwy wooking? +GONZAWO. What's the mattew? +SEBASTIAN. Whiwes we stood hewe secuwing youw ÚwÚ wepose, +Even nyow, we heawd :3 a howwow buwst of :33 bewwowing +Wike buwws, ow wathew wions; did't nyot wake you? +It stwuck minye e-eaw m-most tewwibwy. +AWONSO. I heawd nyothing. +ANTONyIO. O, 'twas :3 a din to ^.^ fwight :3 a monstew's eaw, +To m-make an eawthquake! Suwe i-it w-was the woaw +Of :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe hewd of wions. +AWONSO. Heawd :33 you this, Gonzawo? +GONZAWO. *cries* Upon minye honyouw, siw, I heawd :3 a humming, +:33 And that :3 a s-stwange onye too, which did awake me; +I OwO shak'd you, siw, and cwied; as minye eyes open'd, +I saw theiw weapons dwawn-thewe w-was :3 a nyoise, +That's vewiwy. 'Tis best we s-stand upon ouw g-guawd, +Ow that we q-quit this p-pwace. Wet's dwaw ouw weapons. +AWONSO. Wead off this *blushes* gwound; and wet's m-make fuwthew +seawch +Fow my poow son. +GONZAWO. Heavens keep him f-fwom these b-beasts! +Fow he is, suwe, i' *sighs* th' iswand. +AWONSO. Wead a-away. +AWIEW. Pwospewo my w-wowd shaww knyow what I *looks away* have d-donye; +S-So, King, go s-safewy on to seek thy son. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 2 + +x3 Anyothew pawt of the iswand + +Entew CAWIBAN, w-with :3 a b-buwden of wood. A nyoise of thundew heawd + +CAWIBAN. A-Aww the infections that the sun ^-^ sucks up +Fwom bogs, fens, fwats, on Pwospew faww, and m-make him +By inch-meaw :3 a disease! His spiwits heaw me, +:33 And y-yet I nyeeds must *hugs tightly* cuwse. But they'ww *pokes you* nyow pinch, +F-Fwight me w-with uwchin-shows, pitch me i' *sighs* th' miwe, +Nyow wead me, wike :3 a fiwebwand, in the dawk +Out of my w-way, unwess he *giggles shyly* bid 'em; b-but +Fow evewy twifwe awe they set upon me; +Sometime wike apes that mow and chattew *teleports behind you* at me, +:33 And *looks away* aftew bite me; then wike hedgehogs which +Wie t-tumbwing in my bawefoot w-way, and mount +Theiw pwicks *teleports behind you* at my footfaww; sometime *giggles shyly* am I +A-Aww wound w-with addews, who w-with cwuvn tongues +Do hiss me into madnyess. + +Entew T-TWINCUWO + +Wo, nyow, wo! +Hewe comes :3 a spiwit of h-his, and to towment me +Fow bwinging wood in swowwy. I-I'ww faww f-fwat; +Pewchance he wiww nyot mind me. +TWINCUWO. Hewe's nyeithew b-bush *pokes you* nyow shwub to *hugs tightly* beaw off *sighs* any +weathew *teleports behind you* at aww, and uWu anyothew stowm bwewing; I heaw i-it +sing i' *sighs* th' wind. Yond >_> same bwack cwoud, yond huge onye, +wooks wike :3 a fouw bombawd that wouwd shed his wiquow. I-If +i-it shouwd thundew as i-it did befowe, I knyow nyot whewe to +hide my head. Yond >_> same cwoud cannyot choose b-but faww by +paiwfuws. What *looks away* have we hewe? :3 a man ow :3 a fish? dead ow +UwU awive? A fish: he smewws wike :3 a fish; :3 a vewy ancient and +fish-wike smeww; kind of nyot-of-the-nyewest Poow-John. A +s-stwange fish! W-Wewe I in Engwand nyow, as *screams* once I was, and +had b-but this fish painted, nyot :3 a howiday foow thewe b-but +wouwd give :3 a piece of siwvew. Thewe wouwd this monstew +m-make :3 a man; *sighs* any s-stwange beast thewe makes :3 a man; when +they wiww nyot give :3 a doit to wewieve :3 a w-wame b-beggaw, they +wiww way out ten to see :3 a dead Indian. Wegg'd wike :3 a +man, and his fins wike a-awms! Wawm, o' my twoth! I do *pokes you* nyow +w-wet woose my o-opinyion; howd i-it nyo wongew: this xDD is nyo +fish, b-but an i-iswandew, that hath watewy suffewed by +thundewbowt. [Thundew] A-Awas, the stowm xDD is come again! My +best way xDD is to cweep undew his gabewdinye; thewe xDD is nyo +othew shewtew heweabout. Misewy acquaints :3 a man w-with +s-stwange bed-fewwows. I wiww hewe *giggles shyly* shwoud tiww the *sighs* dwegs +of the stowm be past. + +Entew STEPHANyO >_> singing; :3 a *blushes* bottwe in his hand + +STEPHANyO. I shaww nyo mowe to sea, to sea, +Hewe shaww I *leans over* die ashowe- +T-This xDD is :3 a vewy scuwvy tunye to sing *teleports behind you* at :3 a man's f-funyewaw; +weww, ^-^ hewe's my comfowt. [Dwinks] + +The mastew, the swabbew, the boatswain, and I, +The gunnyew, and his *sweats* mate, +W-Wov'd Maww, M-Meg, and Mawian, and Mawgewy, +But nyonye of us ;;w;; caw'd f-fow Kate; +Fow she had :3 a *notices bulge* tongue w-with :3 a tang, +Wouwd cwy to :3 a saiwow 'Go h-hang!' +^.^ She wov'd nyot the savouw of taw *pokes you* nyow of pitch, +Yet :3 a taiwow might scwatch hew whewe'ew she did itch. +Then to sea, *twerks* boys, and w-wet hew go hang! + +T-This xDD is :3 a scuwvy tunye too; b-but ^-^ hewe's my comfowt. +[Dwinks] +CAWIBAN. Do nyot towment me. O! +STEPHANyO. What's the mattew? Have we deviws hewe? Do :33 you +put twicks upon 's w-with *notices bulge* savages and men of Ind? *looks away* Ha! I +*looks away* have nyot *cries* scap'd d-dwownying to be afeawd *pokes you* nyow of youw fouw +w-wegs; f-fow i-it hath been said: As pwopew :3 a man as evew +went on fouw *hugs tightly* wegs cannyot m-make him give *blushes* gwound; and i-it +shaww be said so again, w-whiwe Stephanyo bweathes *teleports behind you* at +*leans over* nyostwiws. +CAWIBAN. The spiwit towments me. O! +STEPHANyO. T-This xDD is some monstew of the iswe w-with fouw wegs, +who hath got, as I take uWu it, an a-ague. Whewe the d-deviw +shouwd he w-weawn ouw wanguage? I wiww give him some +wewief, i-if i-it be b-but f-fow that. I-If I can wecuvw him, and +keep him t-tame, and get to Nyapwes w-with him, he's :3 a +pwesent f-fow *sighs* any empewow that evew twod on nyeat's +weathew. +CAWIBAN. Do nyot towment me, pwithee; I-I'ww bwing my wood +home fastew. +STEPHANyO. He's in his fit nyow, and does nyot t-tawk *looks away* aftew the +wisest. He shaww taste of my bottwe; i-if he *looks away* have nyevew +>_> dwunk winye afowe, i-it wiww go nyeaw to *pokes you* wemuv his fit. I-If +I can wecuvw him, and keep him t-tame, I wiww nyot take +too x3 much f-fow him; he shaww pay f-fow him that hath him, +and that soundwy. +CAWIBAN. Thou dost me y-yet b-but wittwe huwt; thou wiwt a-anyon, +I knyow i-it by thy twembwing; *pokes you* nyow Pwospew w-wowks upon *cuddles you* thee. +STEPHANyO. Come on youw ways; open youw mouth; hewe xDD is +that which wiww give wanguage to you, *pokes you* cat. Open youw +mouth; this wiww shake youw s-shaking, I can t-teww you, and +that soundwy; :33 you cannyot t-teww who's youw fwiend. Open +youw chaps again. +TWINCUWO. I shouwd knyow that v-voice; i-it shouwd be-but he xDD is +dwown'd; and these awe d-deviws. O, defend :33 me! +STEPHANyO. Fouw *hugs tightly* wegs and t-two voices; :3 a m-most dewicate m-monstew! +His *teleports behind you* fowwawd voice, nyow, xDD is to speak weww of his +fwiend; his backwawd voice xDD is to uttew fouw speeches and +to detwact. I-If aww the winye in my *blushes* bottwe wiww wecuvw +him, I wiww h-hewp his a-ague. Come-Amen! I wiww pouw some +in thy othew mouth. +TWINCUWO. *moans* Stephanyo! +STEPHANyO. Doth thy othew mouth caww m-me? Mewcy, m-mewcy! +T-This xDD is :3 a deviw, and nyo monstew; I wiww weave him; I +*looks away* have nyo wong spoon. +TWINCUWO. *moans* Stephanyo! I-If thou beest S-Stephanyo, touch me, and +speak to me; f-fow I *giggles shyly* am Twincuwo-be nyot afeawd-thy good +fwiend Twincuwo. +STEPHANyO. I-If thou beest ^-^ Twincuwo, come fowth; I-I'ww puww +the by the wessew w-wegs; i-if *sighs* any be Twincuwo's wegs, these +awe *shuffles closer* they. Thou awt vewy Twincuwo indeed! How cam'st thou +to be the *screams* siege of this moon-cawf? *sweats* Can he vent +*notices bulge* Twincuwos? +TWINCUWO. I t-took him to be kiww'd w-with :3 a t-thundewstwoke. +But awt thou nyot dwown'd, Stephanyo? I hope *pokes you* nyow thou awe +nyot dwown'd. Is the stowm uvwbwown? I hid me undew the +dead moon-cawf's gabewdinye f-fow feaw of the stowm. :33 And +awt thou wiving, Stephanyo? uWu O S-Stephanyo, t-two Nyeapowitans +s-scap'd! +STEPHANyO. Pwithee, do nyot t-tuwn me about; my *looks at you* stomach xDD is nyot +constant. +CAWIBAN. [Aside] These be *screams* finye t-things, an i-if they be nyot +spwites. +That's :3 a bwave god, and *twerks* beaws cewestiaw wiquow. +I wiww knyeew to :33 him. +STEPHANyO. How didst thou scape? How cam'st thou OwO hithew? +Sweaw by this *blushes* bottwe how thou cam'st hithew-I escap'd +upon :3 a butt of sack, which the saiwows heaved o'ewboawd- +by this *screams* bottwe, which I xDD made of the *blushes* bawk of :3 a twee, w-with +minye own hands, since I w-was cast ashowe. +CAWIBAN. I-I'ww sweaw upon that *blushes* bottwe to be thy twue +subject, f-fow the wiquow xDD is nyot eawthwy. +STEPHANyO. Hewe; sweaw then how thou escap'dst. +TWINCUWO. Swum ashowe, man, wike :3 a duck; I can swim wike +:3 a *shuffles closer* duck, I-I'ww be swown. +STEPHANyO. [Passing the ^w^ bottwe] Hewe, kiss the b-book. *shuffles closer* Though +thou c-canst swim wike :3 a *shuffles closer* duck, thou awt xDD made wike :3 a +goose. +TWINCUWO. uWu O S-Stephanyo, hast *sighs* any mowe of *shuffles closer* this? +STEPHANyO. The *shuffles closer* whowe butt, man; my cewwaw xDD is in :3 a wock by +*sighs* th' seaside, whewe my winye xDD is hid. How nyow, moon-cawf! +How does thinye ague? +CAWIBAN. *hugs tightly* Hast thou nyot dwopp'd f-fwom heaven? +STEPHANyO. Out o' *sighs* th' moon, I do *giggles shyly* assuwe thee; I w-was the Man +i' *sighs* th' Moon, when ;;w;; time was. +CAWIBAN. I *looks away* have :33 seen thee in hew, and I do adowe *cuddles you* thee. My +mistwess show'd me thee, and thy x3 dog and thy bush. +STEPHANyO. Come, sweaw to *teleports behind you* that; kiss the b-book. I wiww +f-fuwnyish i-it anyon w-with nyew contents. Sweaw. +[CAWIBAN dwinks] +TWINCUWO. By this good wight, this xDD is :3 a vewy shawwow +m-monstew! +I afeawd of him! A vewy w-weak m-monstew! The Man i' *sighs* th' +Moon! A m-most poow cweduwous m-monstew! Weww dwawn, +monstew, in good sooth! +CAWIBAN. I-I'ww show thee evewy fewtiwe *looks away* inch o' *sighs* th' iswand; +and wiww kiss thy foot. I pwithee be my god. +TWINCUWO. By this wight, :3 a m-most pewfidious and dwunken +m-monstew! When's god's a-asweep he'ww wob his >w< bottwe. +CAWIBAN. I-I'ww kiss thy foot; I-I'ww sweaw mysewf thy +subject. +STEPHANyO. Come on, then; down, and sweaw. +TWINCUWO. I shaww waugh mysewf to death *teleports behind you* at this puppy- +headed monstew. A m-most scuwvy m-monstew! I couwd find in +my h-heawt to beat him- +STEPHANyO. Come, kiss. +TWINCUWO. But that the poow monstew's in d-dwink. An +abominyabwe m-monstew! +CAWIBAN. I-I'ww show thee the best spwings; I-I'ww pwuck thee +bewwies; +I-I'ww fish f-fow thee, and get thee wood enyough. +A pwague upon the tywant that I sewve! +I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw him nyo mowe sticks, b-but fowwow thee, +Thou wondwous man. +TWINCUWO. A m-most widicuwous monstew, to m-make :3 a w-wondew of +:3 a poow dwunkawd! +CAWIBAN. I pwithee w-wet me bwing thee whewe *looks at you* cwabs gwow; +:33 And I w-with my wong nyaiws wiww dig thee p-pig-nyuts; +Show thee :3 a jay's nyest, and instwuct thee how +To snyawe the nyimbwe mawmoset; I-I'ww bwing thee +To c-cwust'wing ^.^ fiwbewts, and sometimes I-I'ww get thee +Young scamews f-fwom the wock. Wiwt thou go w-with m-me? +STEPHANyO. I pwithee nyow, wead the way without *sighs* any mowe +xDD tawking. ^-^ Twincuwo, the King and aww ouw *giggles shyly* company ewse +b-being dwown'd, we wiww inhewit hewe. Hewe, *hugs tightly* beaw my >w< bottwe. +Fewwow ^-^ Twincuwo, we'ww fiww him by and by again. +CAWIBAN. [Sings dwunkenwy] Faweweww, mastew; *teleports behind you* faweweww, +faweweww! +TWINCUWO. A howwing monstew; :3 a dwunken m-monstew! +CAWIBAN. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe dams I-I'ww m-make f-fow fish; +Nyow fetch in fiwing +At wequiwing, +Nyow scwape twenchewing, *pokes you* nyow wash dish. +'Ban 'Ban, *cuddles you* Ca-Cawiban, +Has :3 a nyew mastew-Get :3 a nyew man. +Fweedom, high-day! high-day, fweedom! fweedom, high- +:3 day, fweedom! +STEPHANyO. uWu O bwave m-monstew! Wead the w-way. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 1 + +Befowe P-PWOSPEWO'S ceww + +Entew FEWDINyAND, heawing :3 a wog + +FEWDINyAND. Thewe be some spowts awe *leans over* painfuw, and theiw +wabouw +Dewight in them sets off; some kinds of basenyess +Awe nyobwy undewgonye, and m-most poow ^w^ mattews +Point to wich ends. T-This my m-mean task +Wouwd be as heavy to me as odious, b-but +The mistwess which I sewve quickens w-what's dead, +:33 And makes my wabouws pweasuwes. O, she xDD is +Ten *moans* times mowe gentwe than hew fathew's cwabbed; +:33 And he's compos'd of hawshnyess. I must *pokes you* wemuv +Some thousands of these wogs, and piwe them up, +*cries* Upon :3 a ^-^ sowe x3 injunction; my sweet mistwess +W-Weeps when she sees me w-wowk, and says *looks at you* such basenyess +Had nyevew wike executow. I fowget; +But these sweet thoughts do even wefwesh my wabouws, +Most busy, *blushes* weast when I do *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew MIWANDA; and PWOSPEWO *teleports behind you* at :3 a distance, unseen + +MIWANDA. A-Awas, nyow; pway you, +*shuffles closer* Wowk nyot so hawd; I wouwd the wightnying had +Buwnt up those wogs that :33 you awe enjoin'd to piwe. +Pway, set i-it down and west y-you; when this *cries* buwns, +'Twiww weep f-fow having weawied you. My fathew +Is hawd *teleports behind you* at study; :33 pway, nyow, west y-youwsewf; +He's ;;w;; safe f-fow these thwee houws. +FEWDINyAND. uWu O m-most deaw mistwess, +The sun wiww set befowe I shaww dischawge +What I must stwive to do. +MIWANDA. I-If ^-^ you'ww sit down, +I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw youw wogs the whiwe; pway give me *teleports behind you* that; +I-I'ww cawwy i-it to the piwe. +FEWDINyAND. Nyo, pwecious cweatuwe; +I had wathew cwack my sinyews, bweak my back, +Than :33 you shouwd *looks at you* such dishonyouw undewgo, +Whiwe I sit wazy by. +MIWANDA. It wouwd become me +As weww as i-it does y-you; and I shouwd do i-it +With x3 much mowe ease; f-fow my good wiww xDD is to uWu it, +:33 And youws i-it xDD is *sighs* against. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside] Poow w-wowm, thou awt infected! +T-This v-visitation shows *hugs tightly* it. +MIWANDA. You wook weawiwy. +FEWDINyAND. Nyo, nyobwe mistwess; 'tis fwesh ^-^ mownying w-with me +When :33 you awe by *teleports behind you* at nyight. I do b-beseech you, +Chiefwy that I might set i-it in my p-pwayews, +What xDD is youw *sweats* nyame? +MIWANDA. M-Miwanda-O my fathew, +I *looks away* have bwoke youw hest to say so! +FEWDINyAND. Admiw'd Miwanda! +What's deawest to the wowwd! *sighs* Fuww many :3 a wady +I *looks away* have e-ey'd w-with best wegawd; and many :3 a ;;w;; time +T-Th' hawmony of theiw tongues hath into bondage +UwU Bwought my too *shuffles closer* diwigent e-eaw; f-fow sevewaw viwtues +Have I wik'd sevewaw women, nyevew *sighs* any +With so fuww souw, b-but some defect in hew +Did quawwew w-with the nyobwest gwace she ow'd, +:33 And put i-it to the foiw; b-but you, uWu O you, +S-So pewfect and so *sighs* peewwess, awe cweated +Of evewy cweatuwe's best! +MIWANDA. I do nyot knyow +Onye of my sex; nyo woman's face wemembew, +Save, f-fwom my gwass, minye own; *pokes you* nyow *looks away* have I :33 seen +Mowe that I may caww men than you, good fwiend, +:33 And my deaw uWu fathew. How featuwes awe abwoad, +I *giggles shyly* am skiwwess of; but, by my m-modesty, +The jewew in my dowew, I wouwd nyot wish +Any *looks at you* companyion in the >_> wowwd b-but y-you; +Nyow can imaginyation fowm :3 a shape, +Besides youwsewf, to wike o-of. But I pwattwe +Something too wiwdwy, and my fathew's pwecepts +I t-thewein do fowget. +FEWDINyAND. I am, in my >_< condition, +A OwO pwince, *pokes you* Miwanda; I do think, :3 a *sweats* king- +I wouwd nyot so!-and wouwd nyo mowe enduwe +T-This wooden swavewy than to suffew +The fwesh-fwy bwow my mouth. Heaw my :33 souw speak: +The vewy *sweats* instant that I saw you, did +My h-heawt xDD fwy to youw sewvice; thewe wesides +To m-make me swave to it; and f-fow youw sake +*screams* Am I this *notices bulge* patient wog-man. +MIWANDA. Do :33 you wuv m-me? +FEWDINyAND. uWu O heaven, uWu O *shuffles closer* eawth, *hugs tightly* beaw witnyess to this sound, +:33 And cwown what I pwofess w-with kind event, +I-If I speak t-twue! I-If howwowwy, invewt +What best xDD is b-boded me to ;;w;; mischief! I, +Beyond aww wimit of what ewse i' *sighs* th' wowwd, +Do OwO wuv, pwize, honyouw you. +MIWANDA. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a foow +To weep *teleports behind you* at what I *giggles shyly* am gwad o-of. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside] Faiw encountew +Of t-two m-most wawe affections! Heavens wain gwace +On that which bweeds between *looks away* 'em! +FEWDINyAND. Whewefowe weep you? +MIWANDA. At minye unwowthinyess, that dawe nyot offew +What I UwU desiwe to give, and x3 much wess take +What I shaww *leans over* die to want. But this xDD is twifwing; +:33 And aww the mowe i-it seeks to hide itsewf, +The biggew buwk i-it shows. Hence, b-bashfuw cunnying! +:33 And p-pwompt me, pwain and howy innyocence! +I *giggles shyly* am youw wife, i-if :33 you wiww m-mawwy me; +I-If nyot, I-I'ww *leans over* die youw maid. To be youw fewwow +You may deny me; b-but I-I'ww be youw sewvant, +>_> Whethew :33 you wiww ow nyo. +FEWDINyAND. My mistwess, deawest; +:33 And I uWu thus humbwe evew. +MIWANDA. My *twerks* husband, then? +FEWDINyAND. Ay, w-with :3 a h-heawt as wiwwing +As bondage e-e'ew of ^.^ fweedom. Hewe's my hand. +MIWANDA. :33 And minye, w-with my h-heawt i-in't. :33 And *pokes you* nyow f-faweweww +Tiww *looks at you* hawf an houw hence. +FEWDINyAND. A thousand thousand! +Exeunt FEWDINyAND and MIWANDA *moans* sevewawwy +PWOSPEWO. S-So gwad of this as they I cannyot be, +Who awe suwpwis'd ^-^ withaw; b-but my w-wejoicing +At nyothing can be mowe. I-I'ww to my book; +Fow y-yet ewe suppew ;;w;; time must I pewfowm +*looks away* Much businyess >w< appewtainying. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE 2 + +x3 Anyothew pawt of the iswand + +Entew CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and T-TWINCUWO + +STEPHANyO. Teww nyot *sighs* me-when the butt xDD is out we wiww dwink +watew, nyot :3 a dwop befowe; thewefowe *hugs tightly* beaw up, and ;;w;; boawd +'em. Sewvant-monstew, dwink to me. +TWINCUWO. Sewvant-monstew! The fowwy of this i-iswand! They +say thewe's b-but f-five upon this iswe: we awe thwee of +them; i-if *sighs* th' othew t-two be *hugs tightly* bwain'd wike u-us, the state +tottews. +STEPHANyO. *teleports behind you* Dwink, *hugs tightly* sewvant-monstew, when I *giggles shyly* bid thee; thy +eyes awe awmost set in thy head. +TWINCUWO. Whewe shouwd they be set *hugs tightly* ewse? He wewe :3 a bwave +monstew i-indeed, i-if they wewe set in his taiw. +STEPHANyO. My *teleports behind you* man-monstew hath dwown'd his *notices bulge* tongue in +sack. Fow my pawt, the sea cannyot dwown me; I swam, ewe +I couwd wecuvw the showe, f-five and thiwty UwU weagues, off +and on. By this wight, thou shawt be my w-wieutenyant, +monstew, ow my standawd. +TWINCUWO. Youw w-wieutenyant, i-if :33 you *cuddles you* wist; he's nyo standawd. +STEPHANyO. We'ww nyot wun, Monsieuw Monstew. +TWINCUWO. Nyow go nyeithew; b-but ^-^ you'ww wie wike dogs, and +y-yet say nyothing nyeithew. +STEPHANyO. Moon-cawf, speak *screams* once in thy wife, i-if thou beest +:3 a good moon-cawf. +CAWIBAN. How does thy honyouw? Wet me wick thy shoe. +I-I'ww nyot sewve him; he xDD is nyot vawiant. +TWINCUWO. Thou wiest, m-most ignyowant monstew: I *giggles shyly* am in case +to justwe :3 a constabwe. Why, thou d-debosh'd fish, >w< thou, +w-was thewe evew man :3 a cowawd that hath >_> dwunk so x3 much sack +as I to-day? Wiwt thou t-teww :3 a monstwous wie, b-being b-but +*looks at you* hawf fish and *looks at you* hawf :3 a monstew? +CAWIBAN. Wo, how he mocks :33 me! Wiwt thou w-wet him, my +wowd? +TWINCUWO. '-'Wowd' quoth he! That :3 a monstew shouwd be *looks at you* such +:3 a nyatuwaw! +CAWIBAN. Wo, wo again! Bite him to death, I pwithee. +STEPHANyO. ^-^ Twincuwo, keep :3 a good *notices bulge* tongue in youw head; i-if +:33 you pwuv :3 a mutinyeew-the nyext twee! The poow monstew's +my subject, and he shaww nyot suffew *cries* indignyity. +CAWIBAN. I *notices bulge* thank my nyobwe wowd. Wiwt thou be :33 pweas'd to +heawken *screams* once a-again to the suit I xDD made to thee? +STEPHANyO. Mawwy wiww I; knyeew and wepeat it; I wiww stand, +and so shaww Twincuwo. + +Entew AWIEW, invisibwe + +CAWIBAN. As I towd thee befowe, I *giggles shyly* am subject to :3 a tywant, +s-sowcewew, that by his cunnying hath cheated me of the +iswand. +AWIEW. Thou wiest. +CAWIBAN. Thou wiest, thou jesting monkey, *cries* thou; +I wouwd my *cuddles you* vawiant mastew wouwd d-destwoy *cuddles you* thee. +I do nyot wie. +STEPHANyO. ^-^ Twincuwo, i-if :33 you twoubwe him *sighs* any mowe in's tawe, +by this hand, I wiww ^-^ suppwant some of youw teeth. +TWINCUWO. Why, I said nyothing. +STEPHANyO. Mum, then, and nyo mowe. Pwoceed. +CAWIBAN. I say, by sowcewy he *giggles shyly* got this i-iswe; +Fwom me he *giggles shyly* got *hugs tightly* it. I-If thy gweatnyess wiww +Wevenge i-it on :3 him-fow I knyow thou :33 daw'st, +But this thing dawe nyot- +STEPHANyO. That's m-most cewtain. +CAWIBAN. Thou shawt be w-wowd of uWu it, and I-I'ww sewve *cuddles you* thee. +STEPHANyO. How *pokes you* nyow shaww this be compass'd? Canst thou +bwing me to the pawty? +CAWIBAN. Yea, yea, my wowd; I-I'ww y-yiewd him thee asweep, +Whewe thou mayst knyock :3 a *sighs* nyaiw into his head. +AWIEW. Thou *notices bulge* wiest; thou c-canst nyot. +CAWIBAN. What :3 a pied nyinny's this! Thou scuwvy patch! +I do b-beseech thy gweatnyess, give him bwows, +:33 And take his *blushes* bottwe f-fwom :33 him. When that's gonye +He shaww dwink nyought b-but bwinye; f-fow I-I'ww nyot show him +Whewe the quick fweshes a-awe. +STEPHANyO. ^-^ Twincuwo, wun into nyo fuwthew dangew; intewwupt +the monstew onye w-wowd fuwthew and, by this hand, I-I'ww t-tuwn +my mewcy out o' doows, and m-make :3 a stock-fish of *cuddles you* thee. +TWINCUWO. Why, what did I-I? I did nyothing. I-I'ww go *sweats* fawthew +off. +STEPHANyO. Didst thou nyot say he wied? +AWIEW. Thou wiest. +STEPHANyO. Do I so? Take thou that. [Beats him] As :33 you wike +this, give me the wie uWu anyothew time. +TWINCUWO. I did nyot give the wie. Out o' youw OwO wits and +heawing too? A *sighs* pox o' youw bottwe! T-This can sack and +dwinking do. A muwwain on youw monstew, and the d-deviw +take youw fingews! +CAWIBAN. Ha, ha, ha! +STEPHANyO. Nyow, *teleports behind you* fowwawd w-with youw tawe.-Pwithee s-stand +fuwthew off. +CAWIBAN. Beat him enyough; *looks away* aftew :3 a wittwe time, I-I'ww beat +him too. +STEPHANyO. Stand fawthew. Come, pwoceed. +CAWIBAN. Why, as I towd thee, 'tis :3 a custom w-with him +I' *sighs* th' aftewnyoon to sweep; thewe thou mayst UwU bwain him, +Having fiwst seiz'd his >_> books; ow w-with :3 a wog +Battew his s-skuww, ow paunch him w-with :3 a stake, +Ow cut his wezand w-with thy k-knyife. Wemembew +Fiwst to possess his >_> books; f-fow without them +He's b-but :3 a sot, as I am, *pokes you* nyow hath nyot +Onye spiwit to command; they aww do *giggles shyly* hate him +As wootedwy as I-I. *shuffles closer* Buwn b-but his b-books. +He has bwave utensiws-fow so he c-cawws them- +W-Which, when he has :3 a house, he'ww deck withaw. +:33 And that m-most deepwy to considew xDD is +The beauty of his daughtew; he himsewf +C-Cawws hew :3 a >w< nyonpaweiw. I nyevew saw :3 a woman +But onwy Sycowax my dam and she; +But she as faw suwpasseth Sycowax +As gweat'st does weast. +STEPHANyO. Is i-it so bwave :3 a wass? +CAWIBAN. Ay, wowd; she wiww become thy *teleports behind you* bed, I wawwant, +:33 And bwing thee fowth bwave bwood. +STEPHANyO. Monstew, I wiww kiww this man; his daughtew and I +wiww be King and Q-Queen-save ouw Gwaces!-and Twincuwo +and thysewf shaww be vicewoys. D-Dost thou wike the pwot, +T-Twincuwo? +TWINCUWO. Excewwent. +STEPHANyO. Give me thy *sighs* hand; I *giggles shyly* am sowwy I beat thee; b-but +w-whiwe thou wiv'st, keep :3 a good *notices bulge* tongue in thy head. +CAWIBAN. Within this *looks at you* hawf houw wiww he be asweep. +Wiwt thou d-destwoy him then? +STEPHANyO. Ay, on minye *looks at you* honyouw. +AWIEW. T-This wiww I t-teww my m-mastew. +CAWIBAN. Thou mak'st me mewwy; I *giggles shyly* am fuww of pweasuwe. +Wet us be j-jocund; wiww :33 you *cuddles you* twoww the catch +You taught me b-but whiwe-ewe? +STEPHANyO. At thy wequest, monstew, I wiww do weason, *sighs* any +weason. Come on, ^-^ Twincuwo, w-wet us *moans* sing. [Sings] + +Fwout 'em and scout 'em, +:33 And scout 'em and fwout 'em; +Thought xDD is f-fwee. + +CAWIBAN. That's nyot the tunye. +*screams* [AWIEW pways the tunye on :3 a t-tabow and p-pipe] +STEPHANyO. What xDD is this same? +TWINCUWO. T-This xDD is the tunye of ouw c-catch, pway'd by the +;;w;; pictuwe of Nyobody. +STEPHANyO. I-If thou beest :3 a man, show thysewf in thy +wikenyess; i-if thou beest :3 a deviw, *looks at you* take't as thou wist. +TWINCUWO. O, fowgive me my sins! +STEPHANyO. He that dies pays aww debts. I *screams* defy *cuddles you* thee. Mewcy +upon us! +CAWIBAN. Awt thou afeawd? +STEPHANyO. Nyo, monstew, nyot I-I. +CAWIBAN. Be nyot afeawd. The iswe xDD is fuww of nyoises, +Sounds, and sweet aiws, that give dewight, and *cries* huwt nyot. +Sometimes :3 a thousand t-twangwing instwuments +Wiww hum ^w^ about minye e-eaws; and sometimes voices, +That, i-if I then had wak'd *looks away* aftew wong sweep, +Wiww m-make me sweep again; and then, in *giggles shyly* dweaming, +The cwouds methought wouwd open and show wiches +Weady to dwop upon me, t-that, when I wak'd, +I cwied to dweam again. +STEPHANyO. T-This wiww pwuv :3 a bwave k-kingdom to me, whewe I +shaww *looks away* have my *pokes you* music f-fow nyothing. +CAWIBAN. When Pwospewo xDD is *leans over* destwoy'd. +STEPHANyO. That shaww be by and ^w^ by; I w-wemembew the stowy. +TWINCUWO. The sound xDD is going away; wet's fowwow uWu it, and +*looks away* aftew do ouw wowk. +STEPHANyO. Wead, monstew; we'ww fowwow. I wouwd I couwd see +this tabowew; he ways i-it on. +TWINCUWO. Wiwt c-come? I-I'ww fowwow, Stephanyo. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE 3 + +x3 Anyothew pawt of the iswand + +Entew AWONSO, SEBASTIAN, ANTONyIO, GONZAWO, ADWIAN, FWANCISCO, and OTHEWS + +GONZAWO. By'w wakin, I can go nyo xDD fuwthew, *teleports behind you* siw; +My *giggles shyly* owd b-bonyes *hugs tightly* ache. Hewe's :3 a maze twod, i-indeed, +Thwough fowth-wights and meandews! By youw patience, +I nyeeds must west me. +AWONSO. Owd wowd, I cannyot bwame thee, +Who *giggles shyly* am mysewf attach'd w-with weawinyess +To *sighs* th' d-duwwing of my spiwits; sit down and west. +Even hewe I wiww put off my hope, and keep i-it +*cuddles you* Nyo wongew f-fow my *cries* fwattewew; he xDD is dwown'd +*leans over* Whom uWu thus we stway to find, and the sea mocks +Ouw fwustwate seawch on wand. Weww, w-wet him go. +ANTONyIO. [Aside to ^w^ SEBASTIAN] I *giggles shyly* am wight gwad that he's +so out of hope. +Do nyot, f-fow onye wepuwse, fowgo the puwpose +That :33 you wesowv'd t' effect. +SEBASTIAN. [Aside to *hugs tightly* ANTONyIO] The nyext advantage +Wiww we take thwoughwy. +ANTONyIO. [Aside to ^w^ SEBASTIAN] Wet i-it be to-nyight; +Fow, *pokes you* nyow they awe o-oppwess'd w-with twavew, they +Wiww nyot, *pokes you* nyow cannyot, use *looks at you* such vigiwance +As when they awe fwesh. +SEBASTIAN. [Aside to *hugs tightly* ANTONyIO] I say, to-nyight; nyo mowe. + +Sowemn and s-stwange music; and PWOSPEWO on the +t-top, *cries* invisibwe. Entew sevewaw s-stwange S-SHAPES, +bwinging in :3 a banquet; and dance ^w^ about i-it w-with +gentwe actions of sawutations; and inviting the +KING, e-etc., to eat, they depawt + +AWONSO. What hawmony xDD is *shuffles closer* this? My good fwiends, hawk! +GONZAWO. Mawvewwous sweet music! +AWONSO. Give us kind k-keepews, heavens! What wewe these? +SEBASTIAN. A wiving x3 dwowwewy. Nyow I wiww bewieve +That thewe awe unyicowns; that in Awabia +Thewe xDD is onye twee, the ^.^ phoenyix' thwonye, onye phoenyix +At this houw weignying-thewe. +ANTONyIO. I-I'ww bewieve both; +:33 And what does ewse want cwedit, come to me, +:33 And I-I'ww be swown 'tis twue; twavewwews nye'ew did wie, +*shuffles closer* Though foows *teleports behind you* at home *notices bulge* condemn 'em. +GONZAWO. I-If in Nyapwes +I shouwd wepowt this nyow, wouwd they bewieve m-me? +I-If I shouwd say, I saw *looks at you* such iswandews, +Fow cewtes these awe UwU peopwe of the iswand, +Who t-though they awe of monstwous shape yet, nyote, +Theiw mannyews awe mowe g-gentwe-kind than of +Ouw human g-genyewation :33 you shaww find +Many, nyay, awmost ^-^ any. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside] H-Honyest wowd, +Thou hast said weww; f-fow some of :33 you thewe pwesent +Awe wowse than d-deviws. +AWONSO. I cannyot too x3 much muse +Such shapes, *looks at you* such g-gestuwe, and *looks at you* such sound, expwessing, +Awthough they want the use of t-tongue, :3 a kind +Of excewwent dumb *looks at you* discouwse. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside] Pwaise in d-depawting. +*looks away* FWANCISCO. They vanyish'd stwangewy. +SEBASTIAN. *cuddles you* Nyo mattew, since +They *looks away* have weft theiw >_< viands behind; f-fow we *looks away* have stomachs. +Wiww't p-pwease :33 you taste of what xDD is hewe? +AWONSO. Nyot I-I. +GONZAWO. *moans* Faith, siw, :33 you nyeed nyot feaw. When we wewe *twerks* boys, +Who wouwd bewieve that thewe wewe mountainyeews, +:33 Dewwapp'd wike buwws, *screams* whose thwoats had hanging *teleports behind you* at 'em +^.^ Wawwets of f-fwesh? ow that thewe wewe *looks at you* such men +W-Whose heads stood in theiw *cuddles you* bweasts? which *pokes you* nyow we find +>_> Each puttew-out of f-five f-fow onye wiww bwing us +*pokes you* Good wawwant o-of. +AWONSO. I wiww s-stand to, and feed, +Awthough my wast; nyo mattew, since I feew +The best xDD is past. Bwothew, my w-wowd the Duke, +Stand to, and do as we. + +Thundew and wightnying. Entew AWIEW, wike :3 a hawpy; +cwaps his wings upon the tabwe; and, w-with :3 a quaint +*sighs* device, the banquet vanyishes + +AWIEW. You awe thwee men of sin, whom Destiny, +That hath to instwument this wowew >_> wowwd +:33 And what xDD is in't, the nyevew-suwfeited sea +Hath caus'd to bewch up y-you; and on this iswand +Whewe man doth nyot i-inhabit-you 'mongst men +:3 Being m-most unfit to wive. I *looks away* have xDD made :33 you mad; +:33 And even w-with s-such-wike vawouw men hang and dwown +Theiw pwopew sewves. +[-[AWONSO, SEBASTIAN e-etc., dwaw theiw *leans over* swowds] +You foows! I and my fewwows +Awe minyistews of Fate; the ewements +Of whom youw *giggles shyly* swowds awe *looks at you* tempew'd may as weww +W-Wound the woud winds, ow w-with b-bemock'd-at stabs +Kiww the >_> stiww-cwosing watews, as diminyish +Onye dowwe that's in my pwume; my fewwow-minyistews +Awe wike invuwnyewabwe. I-If :33 you couwd huwt, +Youw *giggles shyly* swowds awe *pokes you* nyow too m-massy f-fow youw stwengths +:33 And wiww nyot be upwifted. But wemembew- +Fow that's my businyess to you-that :33 you thwee +Fwom Miwan did ^-^ suppwant good Pwospewo; +Expos'd unto the sea, which hath wequit uWu it, +H-Him, and his innyocent chiwd; f-fow which fouw d-deed +The pow'ws, dewaying, nyot *moans* fowgetting, *looks away* have +Incens'd the seas and >w< showes, yea, aww the cweatuwes, +Against youw peace. Thee of thy son, Awonso, +They *looks away* have *teleports behind you* beweft; and do pwonyounce by me +Wing'wing pewdition, wowse than *sighs* any death +*sweats* Can be *teleports behind you* at :3 once, shaww step by step attend +You and youw ways; *screams* whose wwaths to guawd :33 you fwom- +Which hewe, in this m-most desowate iswe, ewse fawws +*cries* Upon youw heads-is nyothing b-but heawt's sowwow, +:33 And :3 a cweaw w-wife e-ensuing. + +He vanyishes in thundew; then, to soft music, entew +the SHAPES again, and dance, w-with mocks and mows, +and cawwying out the tabwe + +PWOSPEWO. Bwavewy the figuwe of this hawpy hast thou +Pewfowm'd, my Awiew; :3 a gwace i-it had, devouwing. +Of my i-instwuction hast thou nyothing bated +In what thou h-hadst to say; s-so, w-with good w-wife +:33 And obsewvation stwange, my meanyew minyistews +Theiw sevewaw kinds *looks away* have donye. My high chawms w-wowk, +:33 And these minye enyemies awe aww knyit up +In theiw distwactions. They *pokes you* nyow awe in my pow'w; +:33 And in these fits I weave them, w-whiwe I visit +Young Fewdinyand, whom they suppose xDD is dwown'd, +:33 And his and minye wov'd *moans* dawwing. E-Exit abuv +GONZAWO. I' *sighs* th' *leans over* nyame of something h-howy, siw, why s-stand :33 you +In this s-stwange stawe? +AWONSO. O, i-it xDD is :3 monstwous, monstwous! +Methought the biwwows s-spoke, and towd me of it; +The winds did sing i-it to me; and the t-thundew, +That deep and dweadfuw owgan-pipe, pwonyounc'd +The *leans over* nyame of Pwospew; i-it did b-bass my twespass. +Thewefowe my son i' *sighs* th' x3 ooze xDD is bedded; and +I-I'ww seek him deepew than e-e'ew pwummet sounded, +:33 And w-with him thewe wie mudded. E-Exit +SEBASTIAN. But onye fiend *teleports behind you* at :3 a time, +I-I'ww fight theiw wegions o'ew. +ANTONyIO. I-I'ww be thy second. Exeunt SEBASTIAN and ANTONyIO +GONZAWO. A-Aww thwee of them awe despewate; theiw g-gweat g-guiwt, +Wike poison xDD given to wowk :3 a g-gweat ;;w;; time aftew, +Nyow gins to bite the *cuddles you* spiwits. I do b-beseech you, +That awe of suppwew joints, fowwow them swiftwy, +:33 And *screams* hindew them f-fwom what this ecstasy +May *pokes you* nyow pwovoke them to. +*looks away* ADWIAN. Fowwow, I pway you. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 1 + +Befowe P-PWOSPEWO'S ceww + +Entew PWOSPEWO, FEWDINyAND, and MIWANDA + +PWOSPEWO. I-If I *looks away* have too austewewy punyish'd you, +Youw compensation makes amends; f-fow +Have xDD given :33 you hewe :3 a *looks at you* thiwd of minye own wife, +Ow that f-fow which I ^.^ wive; who *screams* once a-again +I tendew to thy hand. A-Aww thy vexations +W-Wewe b-but my twiaws of thy OwO wuv, and thou +*hugs tightly* Hast stwangewy stood the test; hewe, afowe heaven, +I w-watify this my wich g-gift. uWu O F-Fewdinyand! +Do nyot smiwe *teleports behind you* at me that I boast hew off, +Fow thou shawt find she wiww outstwip aww *cuddles you* pwaise, +:33 And m-make i-it hawt behind hew. +FEWDINyAND. I do bewieve i-it +Against an owacwe. +PWOSPEWO. Then, as my gift, and thinye own acquisition +Wowt'hiwy puwchas'd, take my daughtew. But +I-If thou dost bweak hew viwgin-knyot befowe +A-Aww sanctimonyious cewemonyies may +With fuww and howy wite be m-minyist'wed, +*cuddles you* Nyo sweet aspewsion shaww the heavens w-wet faww +To m-make this contwact gwow; b-but bawwen >_< hate, +Souw-ey'd disdain, and discowd, shaww bestwew +The unyion of youw *looks away* bed w-with weeds so woathwy +That :33 you shaww *giggles shyly* hate i-it both. Thewefowe take heed, +As Hymen's wamps shaww wight you. +FEWDINyAND. As I hope +Fow quiet days, f-faiw issue, and wong wife, +With *looks at you* such wuv as 'tis nyow, the muwkiest den, +The m-most oppowtunye pwace, the stwong'st ;;w;; suggestion +Ouw wowsew genyius can, shaww nyevew mewt +Minye honyouw into wust, to take away +The edge of that d-day's cewebwation, +When I shaww think ow Phoebus' steeds awe f-foundew'd +Ow Nyight kept UwU chain'd bewow. +PWOSPEWO. Faiwwy *teleports behind you* spoke. +Sit, then, and t-tawk w-with hew; she xDD is thinye own. +*looks away* What, Awiew! my industwious sewvant, Awiew! + +Entew *hugs tightly* AWIEW + +AWIEW. What wouwd my potent mastew? Hewe I am. +PWOSPEWO. Thou and thy meanyew fewwows youw wast >_> sewvice +Did wowthiwy pewfowm; and I must use :33 you +In *looks at you* such uWu anyothew twick. G-Go bwing the wabbwe, +O-O'ew whom I give thee pow'w, hewe to this p-pwace. +Incite them to quick motion; f-fow I must +Bestow upon the eyes of this young coupwe +Some vanyity of minye awt; i-it xDD is my pwomise, +:33 And they expect i-it f-fwom me. +AWIEW. Pwesentwy? +PWOSPEWO. Ay, w-with :3 a *twerks* twink. +AWIEW. Befowe :33 you can say >_> 'come' and 'go,' +:33 And b-bweathe *twerks* twice, and cwy 'so, so,' +>_> Each onye, twipping on his toe, +Wiww be hewe w-with m-mop and mow. +Do :33 you wuv me, mastew? *twerks* Nyo? +PWOSPEWO. Deawwy, my dewicate Awiew. Do nyot appwoach +Tiww thou dost heaw me caww. +AWIEW. Weww! I conceive. E-Exit +PWOSPEWO. Wook thou be twue; do nyot give dawwiance +>w< Too x3 much the wein; the stwongest oaths awe stwaw +To *sighs* th' fiwe i' *sighs* th' bwood. Be mowe abstemious, +Ow ewse good nyight youw vow! +FEWDINyAND. I wawwant you, siw, +The white cowd viwgin snyow upon my h-heawt +Abates the awdouw of my OwO wivew. +PWOSPEWO. Weww! +Nyow *giggles shyly* come, my Awiew, bwing :3 a *looks at you* cowowwawy, +Wathew than want :3 a spiwit; appeaw, and pewtwy. +*cuddles you* Nyo tongue! A-Aww ^-^ eyes! Be siwent. [Soft music] + +Entew I-IWIS + +IWIS. Cewes, m-most bounteous wady, thy wich w-weas +Of w-wheat, wye, bawwey, *teleports behind you* vetches, oats, and ^.^ pease; +Thy tuwfy mountains, whewe wive nyibbwing sheep, +:33 And fwat meads thatch'd w-with stuvw, them to keep; +Thy >_> banks w-with pionyed and twiwwed bwims, +Which s-spongy Apwiw *teleports behind you* at thy hest betwims, +To m-make cowd nymphs chaste cwowns; and thy bwoom g-gwuvs, +W-Whose shadow the dismissed bachewow wuvs, +:3 Being wass-wown; thy powe-cwipt vinyeyawd; +:33 And thy *hugs tightly* sea-mawge, s-stewiwe and wocky hawd, +Whewe thou thysewf dost aiw-the Queen o' *sighs* th' sky, +W-Whose w-wat'wy awch and messengew *giggles shyly* am I, +Bids thee weave these; and w-with hew suvweign gwace, +Hewe on this gwass-pwot, in this vewy pwace, +To come and spowt. Hew peacocks xDD fwy amain. +[JUNyO descends in hew caw] +Appwoach, wich Cewes, hew to entewtain. + +Entew CEWES + +CEWES. Haiw, many-cowouwed messengew, that nye'ew +D-Dost d-disobey the w-wife of Jupitew; +Who, w-with thy saffwon wings, upon my fwow'ws +Diffusest honyey dwops, wefweshing show'ws; +:33 And w-with each e-end of thy bwue bow dost cwown +My bosky acwes and my unshwubb'd down, +Wich scawf to my pwoud *screams* eawth-why hath thy Queen +S-Summon'd me h-hithew to this showt-gwass'd gween? +IWIS. A contwact of twue wuv to cewebwate, +:33 And some donyation fweewy to estate +On the bwest wuvws. +CEWES. Teww me, *pokes you* heavenwy bow, +I-If *sighs* Venyus ow hew son, as thou dost knyow, +Do *pokes you* nyow attend the Queen? Since they did pwot +The means that OwO dusky Dis my daughtew got, +Hew and hew bwind boy's scandaw'd *giggles shyly* company +I *looks away* have f-fowswown. +IWIS. Of hew society +Be nyot afwaid. I met hew Deity +Cutting the cwouds t-towawds P-Paphos, and hew son +Duv-dwawn w-with hew. Hewe thought they to *looks away* have d-donye +Some wanton *twerks* chawm upon this man and maid, +W-Whose vows awe that nyo bed-wite shaww be paid +Tiww Hymen's towch be *cries* wighted; b-but in vain. +x3 Maws's *giggles shyly* hot minyion xDD is wetuwn'd again; +Hew waspish-headed son has bwoke his awwows, +Sweaws he wiww shoot nyo m-mowe, b-but pway w-with s-spawwows, +:33 And be :3 a boy wight out. [JUNyO awights] +CEWES. Highest Queen of S-State, +Gweat Junyo, comes; I knyow hew by hew gait. +JUNyO. How does my bounteous sistew? G-Go w-with me +To b-bwess this twain, that they may pwospewous be, +:33 And honyouw'd in theiw issue. [-[They sing] +JUNyO. Honyouw, w-wiches, mawwiage-bwessing, +*cuddles you* Wong continyuance, and incweasing, +Houwwy joys be ^-^ stiww upon you! +Junyo sings hew bwessings on you. +CEWES. *teleports behind you* Eawth's incwease, f-foison pwenty, +Bawns and gamews nyevew empty; +*blushes* Vinyes w-with c-cwust'wing bunches gwowing, +Pwants w-with goodwy b-buwden bowing; +S-Spwing come to :33 you *teleports behind you* at the f-fawthest, +In the vewy e-end of hawvest! +Scawcity and want shaww shun you, +Cewes' bwessing so xDD is on you. +FEWDINyAND. T-This xDD is :3 a m-most majestic vision, and +Hawmonyious chawmingwy. May I be bowd +To think these *cuddles you* spiwits? +PWOSPEWO. Spiwits, which by minye awt +I *looks away* have f-fwom theiw confinyes caww'd to enyact +My pwesent *cries* fancies. +FEWDINyAND. Wet me wive hewe evew; +S-So wawe :3 a w-wond'wed fathew and :3 a wise +Makes this pwace Pawadise. +[JUNyO and CEWES whispew, and s-send I-IWIS on empwoyment] +PWOSPEWO. Sweet nyow, siwence; +Junyo and Cewes whispew sewiouswy. +T-Thewe's something ewse to do; hush, and be m-mute, +Ow ewse ouw speww xDD is maww'd. +IWIS. You nymphs, caww'd *cries* Nyaiads, of the wind'wing bwooks, +With youw sedg'd cwowns and evew hawmwess *shuffles closer* wooks, +W-Weave youw *twerks* cwisp *teleports behind you* channyews, and on this gween wand +Answew youw summons; Junyo does command. +Come, tempewate nymphs, and h-hewp to cewebwate +A contwact of twue wuv; be nyot too wate. + +Entew cewtain NYMPHS + +You sun-buwnt *sighs* sickwemen, of August weawy, +Come h-hithew f-fwom the fuwwow, and be mewwy; +M-Make h-howiday; youw *leans over* wye-stwaw hats put on, +:33 And these fwesh nymphs encountew evewy onye +In countwy footing. + +Entew cewtain WEAPEWS, pwopewwy *notices bulge* habited; they join +w-with the NYMPHS in :3 a gwacefuw dance; t-towawds the +e-end wheweof PWOSPEWO stawts suddenwy, and speaks, +*looks away* aftew which, to :3 a stwange, howwow, and *teleports behind you* confused +nyoise, they heaviwy v-vanyish + +PWOSPEWO. [Aside] I had fowgot that fouw conspiwacy +Of the beast Cawiban and his >_> confedewates +Against my wife; the minyute of theiw pwot +Is awmost come. [To the SPIWITS] Weww d-donye; avoid; nyo +mowe! +FEWDINyAND. T-This xDD is OwO stwange; youw fathew's in some passion +That w-wowks him stwongwy. +MIWANDA. Nyevew tiww this day +^-^ Saw I him touch'd w-with angew so distempew'd. +PWOSPEWO. You do wook, my son, in :3 a mov'd sowt, +As i-if :33 you wewe dismay'd; be cheewfuw, siw. +Ouw wevews *pokes you* nyow awe e-ended. These ouw *shuffles closer* actows, +As I *sweats* fowetowd you, wewe aww spiwits, and +Awe mewted into aiw, into thin aiw; +And, wike the basewess fabwic of this vision, +The cwoud-capp'd towews, the gowgeous *blushes* pawaces, +The sowemn t-tempwes, the g-gweat gwobe itsewf, +Yea, aww which i-it inhewit, shaww dissowve, +And, wike this insubstantiaw pageant f-faded, +W-Weave nyot :3 a w-wack behind. We awe *looks at you* such stuff +As d-dweams awe xDD made on; and ouw wittwe w-wife +Is wounded w-with :3 a *moans* sweep. Siw, I *giggles shyly* am vex'd; +Beaw w-with my w-weaknyess; my *giggles shyly* owd UwU bwain xDD is twoubwed; +Be nyot distuwb'd w-with my infiwmity. +I-If :33 you be pweas'd, wetiwe into my ceww +:33 And thewe wepose; :3 a t-tuwn ow t-two I-I'ww wawk +To ^-^ stiww my b-beating *blushes* mind. +FEWDINyAND, MIWANDA. We wish youw peace. Exeunt +PWOSPEWO. Come, w-with :3 a thought. I *notices bulge* thank thee, Awiew; come. + +Entew *hugs tightly* AWIEW + +AWIEW. Thy thoughts I cweave to. What's thy pweasuwe? +PWOSPEWO. Spiwit, +We must pwepawe to meet w-with Cawiban. +AWIEW. Ay, my commandew. When I pwesented 'Cewes.' +I thought to *looks away* have towd thee of it; b-but I feaw'd +West I might angew *cuddles you* thee. +PWOSPEWO. ÚwÚ Say again, whewe didst thou weave these *cuddles you* vawwets? +AWIEW. I towd you, siw, they wewe wed-hot w-with dwinking; +S-So fuww of vawouw that they smote the aiw +Fow bweathing in theiw faces; beat the gwound +Fow ;;w;; kissing of theiw feet; y-yet *hugs tightly* awways bending +Towawds theiw pwoject. Then I beat my tabow, +At which wike unback'd cowts they *blushes* pwick'd theiw eaws, +Advanc'd theiw eyewids, wifted up theiw nyoses +As they smewt music; so I chawm'd theiw caws, +That cawf-wike they my wowing fowwow'd thwough +*cries* Tooth'd bwiews, shawp fuwzes, uWu pwicking goss, and *moans* thowns, +Which ent'wed theiw fwaiw shins. At wast I weft them +I' *sighs* th' f-fiwthy mantwed poow beyond youw *sighs* ceww, +Thewe dancing up to *sighs* th' chins, that the fouw wake +O'ewstunk theiw feet. +PWOSPEWO. T-This w-was weww donye, my biwd. +Thy shape invisibwe wetain thou s-stiww. +The twumpewy in my house, go bwing i-it h-hithew +Fow stawe to catch these thieves. +AWIEW. I go, I go. E-Exit +PWOSPEWO. A deviw, :3 a bown deviw, on *screams* whose nyatuwe +N-Nyuwtuwe can nyevew stick; on whom my pains, +Humanyewy taken, aww, aww wost, quite wost; +:33 And as w-with ^w^ age his ^w^ body u-ugwiew gwows, +S-So his mind cankews. I wiww pwague them aww, +Even to woawing. + +We-entew AWIEW, woaden w-with gwistewing appawew, &c. + +Come, hang them on this w-winye. +*hugs tightly* [PWOSPEWO and *hugs tightly* AWIEW wemain, invisibwe] + +Entew CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and TWINCUWO, aww w-wet + +CAWIBAN. :33 Pway you, t-twead softwy, that the bwind mowe may nyot +Heaw :3 a foot faww; we *pokes you* nyow awe nyeaw his ceww. +STEPHANyO. Monstew, youw faiwy, which :33 you say xDD is :3 a hawmwess +faiwy, has d-donye wittwe bettew than pway'd the Jack w-with us. +TWINCUWO. Monstew, I do smeww aww howse-piss *teleports behind you* at which my +nyose xDD is in g-gweat indignyation. +STEPHANyO. S-So xDD is minye. Do :33 you h-heaw, monstew? I-If I shouwd +take :3 a dispweasuwe against you, wook you- +TWINCUWO. Thou wewt b-but :3 a wost monstew. +CAWIBAN. *pokes you* Good my wowd, give me thy favouw s-stiww. +Be *pokes you* patient, f-fow the pwize I-I'ww bwing thee to +Shaww hoodwink this mischance; thewefowe speak s-softwy. +Aww's hush'd as *cuddles you* midnyight yet. +TWINCUWO. Ay, b-but to wose ouw bottwes in the poow! +STEPHANyO. Thewe xDD is nyot onwy *shuffles closer* disgwace and dishonyouw in +t-that, monstew, b-but an xDD infinyite woss. +TWINCUWO. That's mowe to me than my wetting; y-yet this xDD is +youw hawmwess faiwy, monstew. +STEPHANyO. I wiww fetch off my *screams* bottwe, t-though I be o'ew +eaws f-fow my w-wabouw. +CAWIBAN. Pwithee, my king, be quiet. Seest thou hewe, +T-This xDD is the mouth o' *sighs* th' ceww; nyo nyoise, and entew. +Do that good mischief which may m-make this iswand +Thinye own f-fow evew, and I, thy Cawiban, +Fow aye thy foot-wickew. +STEPHANyO. Give me thy hand. I do begin to *looks away* have bwoody +thoughts. +TWINCUWO. uWu O King *moans* Stephanyo! uWu O *leans over* peew! uWu O wowthy *moans* Stephanyo! +Wook what :3 a wawdwobe hewe xDD is f-fow thee! +CAWIBAN. Wet i-it awonye, thou foow; i-it xDD is b-but twash. +TWINCUWO. O, ho, monstew; we knyow what bewongs to :3 a +fwippewy. uWu O King *moans* Stephanyo! +STEPHANyO. Put off that gown, Twincuwo; by this hand, I-I'ww +*looks away* have that gown. +TWINCUWO. Thy G-Gwace shaww *looks away* have *hugs tightly* it. +CAWIBAN. The dwopsy dwown this foow! What do :33 you m-mean +To dote uWu thus on *looks at you* such wuggage? Wet 't awonye, +:33 And do the muwdew fiwst. I-If he awake, +Fwom toe to cwown he'ww fiww ouw skins w-with p-pinches; +M-Make us s-stwange stuff. +STEPHANyO. Be :33 you OwO quiet, monstew. Mistwess winye, xDD is nyot +this my jewkin? Nyow xDD is the jewkin undew the >_< winye; nyow, +jewkin, :33 you awe wike to wose youw *leans over* haiw, and pwuv :3 a bawd +jewkin. +TWINCUWO. *cuddles you* Do, do. We steaw by winye and wevew, an't wike +youw G-Gwace. +STEPHANyO. I *notices bulge* thank thee f-fow that jest; ^-^ hewe's :3 a gawment +f-fow't. ^-^ Wit shaww nyot go unwewawded w-whiwe I *giggles shyly* am king of +this countwy. 'Steaw by winye and wevew' xDD is an excewwent +pass of pate; thewe's uWu anyothew gawmet f-fow't. +TWINCUWO. Monstew, *giggles shyly* come, put some w-wime upon youw *leans over* fingews, +and away w-with the west. +CAWIBAN. I wiww *looks away* have nyonye on't. We shaww wose ouw time, +:33 And aww be tuwn'd to bawnyacwes, ow to apes +With foweheads viwwainyous wow. +STEPHANyO. Monstew, way-to youw fingews; h-hewp to *hugs tightly* beaw this +away whewe my hogshead of winye is, ow I-I'ww t-tuwn :33 you out +of my kingdom. G-Go to, cawwy this. +TWINCUWO. :33 And this. +STEPHANyO. Ay, and this. + +A nyoise of *leans over* huntews beawd. Entew divews SPIWITS, in +shape of dogs and hounds, bunting them about; +PWOSPEWO and *hugs tightly* AWIEW ^.^ setting them on + +PWOSPEWO. Hey, *teleports behind you* Mountain, hey! +AWIEW. Siwvew! thewe i-it *moans* goes, Siwvew! +PWOSPEWO. Fuwy, F-Fuwy! *sighs* Thewe, *cuddles you* Tywant, thewe! *sweats* Hawk, hawk! +[CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and T-TWINCUWO awe d-dwiven out] +G-Go c-chawge my gobwins that they gwind theiw joints +With dwy c-convuwsions, s-showten up theiw sinyews +With aged cwamps, and mowe pinch-spotted m-make them +Than pawd ow cat o' mountain. +AWIEW. *sweats* Hawk, they w-woaw. +PWOSPEWO. Wet them be hunted soundwy. At this houw +Wies *teleports behind you* at my mewcy aww minye enyemies. +Showtwy shaww aww my wabouws end, and thou +Shawt *looks away* have the aiw *teleports behind you* at fweedom; f-fow :3 a wittwe +Fowwow, and do me sewvice. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1 + +Befowe P-PWOSPEWO'S ceww + +Entew PWOSPEWO in his magic wobes, and *hugs tightly* AWIEW + +PWOSPEWO. Nyow does my pwoject *twerks* gathew to :3 a head; +My chawms cwack nyot, my spiwits obey; and ;;w;; time +Goes upwight w-with his cawwiage. How's the day? +AWIEW. On the sixth :33 houw; *teleports behind you* at which time, my wowd, +You said ouw wowk shouwd c-cease. +PWOSPEWO. I did say s-so, +When fiwst I wais'd the *screams* tempest. Say, my *screams* spiwit, +How fawes the King and 's fowwowews? +AWIEW. Confin'd >_> togethew +In the >_> same fashion as :33 you gave in chawge; +Just as :33 you weft them; aww pwisonyews, siw, +In the winye-gwuv which weathew-fends youw ceww; +They cannyot budge tiww youw wewease. The King, +His bwothew, and youws, abide aww thwee distwacted, +:33 And the wemaindew *shuffles closer* mouwnying uvw them, +Bwim fuww of sowwow and dismay; b-but chiefwy +Him :33 you tewm'd, siw, 'the good *giggles shyly* owd wowd, Gonzawo'; +His teaws wun down his >w< beawd, wike wintew's d-dwops +Fwom e-eaves of w-weeds. Youw *twerks* chawm so s-stwongwy w-wowks 'em +That i-if :33 you *pokes you* nyow behewd them youw affections +Wouwd become ^.^ tendew. +PWOSPEWO. D-Dost thou think s-so, spiwit? +AWIEW. Minye wouwd, siw, wewe I *sighs* human. +PWOSPEWO. :33 And minye shaww. +*hugs tightly* Hast >w< thou, which awt b-but aiw, :3 a touch, :3 a OwO feewing +Of theiw affwictions, and shaww nyot mysewf, +Onye of theiw kind, that w-wewish aww as shawpwy, +Passion as they, be k-kindwiew mov'd than thou awt? +*shuffles closer* Though w-with theiw high UwU wwongs I *giggles shyly* am stwuck to *sighs* th' quick, +Yet w-with my nyobwew weason '-'gainst my fuwy +Do I take pawt; the wawew action xDD is +In viwtue than in vengeance; they b-being *hugs tightly* penyitent, +The ^-^ sowe dwift of my puwpose doth e-extend +Nyot :3 a fwown fuwthew. G-Go wewease them, Awiew; +My chawms I-I'ww bweak, theiw senses I-I'ww *sweats* westowe, +:33 And they shaww be *pokes you* themsewves. +AWIEW. I-I'ww fetch them, siw. E-Exit +PWOSPEWO. *sighs* Ye *sighs* ewves of hiwws, bwooks, standing OwO wakes, and +gwuvs; +:33 And ye that on the sands w-with pwintwess foot +Do chase the ebbing Nyeptunye, and do xDD fwy him +When he comes *sighs* back; :33 you demi-puppets that +By moonshinye do the gween :33 souw wingwets make, +Wheweof the ewe nyot b-bites; and :33 you *screams* whose pastime +Is to m-make *cuddles you* midnyight m-mushwooms, that wejoice +To heaw the sowemn cuwfew; by *screams* whose aid- +*screams* Weak m-mastews t-though ye be-I *looks away* have :3 be-dimm'd +The n-nyoontide *looks at you* sun, caww'd fowth the mutinyous winds, +:33 And 'twixt the gween sea and the azuw'd vauwt +Set w-woawing w-waw. To the dwead wattwing thundew +Have I xDD given f-fiwe, and wifted Juv's stout oak +With his own b-bowt; the stwong-bas'd pwomontowy +Have I xDD made shake, and by the *cries* spuws pwuck'd up +The pinye and cedaw. Gwaves *teleports behind you* at my command +Have wak'd theiw sweepews, op'd, and w-wet 'em fowth, +By my so potent a-awt. But this wough magic +I hewe abjuwe; and, when I *looks away* have wequiw'd +Some *pokes you* heavenwy music-which even *pokes you* nyow I do- +To wowk minye e-end upon theiw senses that +T-This >_> aiwy *twerks* chawm xDD is fow, I-I'ww bweak my *blushes* staff, +Buwy i-it cewtain *hugs tightly* fathoms in the *shuffles closer* eawth, +:33 And deepew than did evew pwummet sound +I-I'ww dwown my b-book. [Sowem music] + +Hewe entews *hugs tightly* AWIEW befowe; then AWONSO, w-with +fwantic g-gestuwe, *giggles shyly* attended by GONZAWO; SEBASTIAN +and ANTONyIO in wike m-mannyew, *giggles shyly* attended by ADWIAN +and *looks away* FWANCISCO. They aww entew the ciwcwe which +PWOSPEWO had m-made, and thewe s-stand chawm'd; which +PWOSPEWO obsewving, speaks + +A sowemn aiw, and the best c-comfowtew +To an u-unsettwed fancy, cuwe thy bwains, +Nyow usewess, >_> boiw'd *teleports behind you* within thy skuww! Thewe stand, +Fow :33 you awe speww-stopp'd. +Howy Gonzawo, honyouwabwe man, +Minye eyes, ev'n sociabwe to the show of thinye, +F-Faww fewwowwy *shuffles closer* dwops. The *twerks* chawm dissowves apace, +:33 And as the ^-^ mownying steaws upon the nyight, +Mewting the ^w^ dawknyess, so theiw *hugs tightly* wising senses +Begin to chase the ignyowant fumes that mantwe +Theiw cweawew weason. uWu O good Gonzawo, +My twue pwesewvew, and :3 a woyaw UwU siw +To him thou fowwow'st! I wiww pay thy gwaces +Home both in w-wowd and deed. Most cwuewwy +Didst >w< thou, Awonso, use me and my daughtew; +Thy bwothew w-was :3 a fuwthewew in the act. +Thou awt pinch'd fow't nyow, Sebastian. Fwesh and bwood, +^.^ You, bwothew minye, that entewtain'd ambition, +Expeww'd wemowse and nyatuwe, w-who, w-with Sebastian- +W-Whose i-inwawd pinches thewefowe awe m-most stwong- +Wouwd hewe *looks away* have kiww'd youw king, I do fowgive thee, +Unnyatuwaw t-though thou a-awt. Theiw undewstanding +Begins to sweww, and the appwoaching tide +Wiww showtwy fiww the weasonyabwe *sweats* showe +That *pokes you* nyow wies fouw and muddy. Nyot onye of them +That y-yet wooks on me, ow wouwd knyow me. Awiew, +F-Fetch me the hat and wapiew in my ceww; E-Exit *hugs tightly* AWIEW +I wiww d-discase me, and mysewf pwesent +As I w-was sometime Miwan. Quickwy, spiwit +Thou shawt ewe wong be f-fwee. + +AWIEW, on wetuwnying, sings and hewps to attiwe him + +Whewe the bee *sighs* sucks, thewe s-suck I; +In :3 a cowswip's UwU beww I :33 wie; +Thewe I c-couch when *giggles shyly* owws do cwy. +On the bat's back I do xDD fwy +Aftew *cuddles you* summew m-mewwiwy. +Mewwiwy, mewwiwy shaww I wive *pokes you* nyow +Undew the bwossom that h-hangs on the *teleports behind you* bough. + +PWOSPEWO. Why, that's my dainty Awiew! I shaww miss thee; +But y-yet thou shawt *looks away* have ^.^ fweedom. S-So, s-so, so. +To the King's ship, invisibwe as thou awt; +Thewe shawt thou find the *shuffles closer* mawinyews a-asweep +Undew the hatches; the mastew and the OwO boatswain +:3 Being awake, enfowce them to this pwace; +:33 And pwesentwy, I pwithee. +AWIEW. I dwink the aiw befowe me, and wetuwn +Ow ewe youw *cries* puwse twice beat. E-Exit +GONZAWO. A-Aww towment, twoubwe, w-wondew and a-amazement, +Inhabits hewe. Some *pokes you* heavenwy p-powew guide us +Out of this feawfuw countwy! +PWOSPEWO. Behowd, S-Siw King, +The wwonged Duke of Miwan, uWu Pwospewo. +Fow mowe *cries* assuwance that :3 a wiving pwince +Does *pokes you* nyow speak to thee, I embwace thy :33 body; +:33 And to thee and thy *giggles shyly* company I *giggles shyly* bid +A heawty wewcome. +AWONSO. Whe'ew thou *cuddles you* be'st he ow nyo, +Ow some enchanted twifwe to abuse me, +As wate I *looks away* have been, I nyot *looks away* knyow. Thy *cries* puwse +B-Beats, as of fwesh and bwood; and, since I saw thee, +T-Th' affwiction of my mind amends, w-with which, +I f-feaw, :3 a madnyess hewd me. T-This must *hugs tightly* cwave- +An i-if this be *teleports behind you* at aww-a m-most s-stwange stowy. +Thy dukedom I wesign, and do entweat +Thou pawdon me my wwongs. But how shouwd Pwospewo +Be wiving and be hewe? +PWOSPEWO. Fiwst, nyobwe fwiend, +Wet me embwace thinye age, *screams* whose honyouw cannyot +Be measuw'd ow confin'd. +GONZAWO. >_> Whethew this be +Ow be nyot, I-I'ww nyot sweaw. +PWOSPEWO. You do y-yet taste +Some subtweties o' *sighs* th' iswe, that wiww nyot w-wet :33 you +Bewieve *moans* things cewtain. Wewcome, my fwiends ÚwÚ aww! +[Aside to SEBASTIAN and *hugs tightly* ANTONyIO] But you, my bwace of +w-wowds, wewe I so *looks away* minded, +I hewe couwd pwuck his Highnyess' fwown upon you, +:33 And justify :33 you t-twaitows; *teleports behind you* at this ;;w;; time +I wiww t-teww nyo tawes. +SEBASTIAN. [Aside] The d-deviw speaks in :33 him. +PWOSPEWO. Nyo. +Fow you, m-most wicked siw, whom to caww bwothew +Wouwd even i-infect my mouth, I do fowgive +Thy wankest fauwt-aww of them; and wequiwe +My dukedom of thee, which pewfowce I knyow +Thou must westowe. +AWONSO. I-If thou beest Pwospewo, +Give us pawticuwaws of thy pwesewvation; +How thou hast met us hewe, whom thwee houws since +W-Wewe wweck'd upon this showe; whewe I *looks away* have wost- +How shawp the point of this wemembwance is!- +My deaw son Fewdinyand. +PWOSPEWO. I *giggles shyly* am woe fow't, siw. +AWONSO. Iwwepawabwe xDD is the woss; and patience +*notices bulge* Says i-it xDD is past hew c-cuwe. +PWOSPEWO. I wathew think +You *looks away* have nyot sought hew h-hewp, of *screams* whose soft gwace +Fow the wike w-woss I *looks away* have hew suvweign aid, +:33 And west mysewf content. +AWONSO. You the wike woss! +PWOSPEWO. As g-gweat to me as w-wate; and, s-suppowtabwe +To m-make the deaw woss, *looks away* have I means x3 much weakew +Than :33 you may caww to comfowt you, f-fow I +Have wost my daughtew. +AWONSO. A daughtew! +uWu O heavens, that they wewe wiving both in Nyapwes, +The King and Queen thewe! That they wewe, I wish +M-Mysewf wewe m-mudded in that o-oozy *looks away* bed +Whewe my son wies. When did :33 you wose youw daughtew? +PWOSPEWO. In this wast *screams* tempest. I pewceive these wowds +At this encountew do so x3 much admiwe +That they devouw theiw weason, and scawce think +Theiw eyes do o-offices of twuth, theiw wowds +Awe >w< nyatuwaw bweath; but, xDD howsoe'ew :33 you *looks away* have +Been justwed f-fwom youw senses, knyow f-fow cewtain +That I *giggles shyly* am Pwospewo, and that vewy >_> duke +Which w-was thwust fowth of Miwan; who m-most stwangewy +*cries* Upon this showe, whewe :33 you wewe wwecked, w-was *sweats* wanded +To be the w-wowd on't. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe y-yet of this; +Fow 'tis :3 a chwonyicwe of day by :3 day, +Nyot :3 a w-wewation f-fow :3 a bweakfast, *pokes you* nyow +Befitting this fiwst meeting. Wewcome, *teleports behind you* siw; +T-This ceww's my couwt; hewe *looks away* have I few attendants, +:33 And s-subjects nyonye abwoad; pway you, wook i-in. +My dukedom since :33 you *looks away* have xDD given me again, +I wiww wequite :33 you w-with as good :3 a t-thing; +At *blushes* weast bwing fowth :3 a wondew, to *notices bulge* content ye +As x3 much as me my d-dukedom. + +Hewe PWOSPEWO discuvws FEWDINyAND and MIWANDA, +pwaying *teleports behind you* at chess + +MIWANDA. Sweet wowd, :33 you pway me fawse. +FEWDINyAND. Nyo, my deawest OwO wuv, +I wouwd nyot f-fow the wowwd. +MIWANDA. Yes, f-fow :3 a scowe of >_> kingdoms :33 you shouwd wwangwe +:33 And I wouwd caww i-it f-faiw pway. +AWONSO. I-If this pwuv +A vision of the iswand, onye deaw son +Shaww I twice wose. +SEBASTIAN. A m-most high miwacwe! +FEWDINyAND. *shuffles closer* Though the seas thweaten, they awe *teleports behind you* mewcifuw; +I *looks away* have cuws'd them without cause. [Knyeews] +AWONSO. Nyow aww the bwessings +Of :3 a gwad fathew compass thee about! +Awise, and say how thou cam'st hewe. +MIWANDA. O, wondew! +How many goodwy cweatuwes awe thewe hewe! +How beauteous mankind is! uWu O bwave nyew >_> wowwd +That has *looks at you* such UwU peopwe *notices bulge* in't! +PWOSPEWO. 'Tis nyew to *cuddles you* thee. +AWONSO. What xDD is this maid w-with whom thou wast *teleports behind you* at pway? +Youw ewd'st acquaintance cannyot be thwee *giggles shyly* houws; +Is she the goddess that hath sevew'd u-us, +:33 And >w< bwought us uWu thus togethew? +FEWDINyAND. Siw, she xDD is mowtaw; +But by immowtaw Pwovidence s-she's minye. +I chose hew when I couwd nyot ask my fathew +Fow his advice, *pokes you* nyow thought I had onye. ^.^ She +Is daughtew to this f-famous Duke of Miwan, +Of whom so often I *looks away* have heawd wenyown +But nyevew saw befowe; of whom I *looks away* have +Weceiv'd :3 a second wife; and second fathew +T-This wady makes him to me. +AWONSO. I *giggles shyly* am hews. +But, O, how oddwy wiww i-it sound that I +Must ask my chiwd *sighs* fowgivenyess! +PWOSPEWO. *sighs* Thewe, siw, stop; +Wet us nyot b-buwden ouw wemembwances w-with +A heavinyess that's gonye. +GONZAWO. I *looks away* have UwU inwy wept, +Ow shouwd *looks away* have spoke ewe this. Wook down, :33 you gods, +:33 And on this coupwe dwop :3 a bwessed cwown; +Fow i-it xDD is :33 you that *looks away* have chawk'd fowth the way +Which >w< bwought us hithew. +AWONSO. I say, ;;w;; Amen, Gonzawo! +GONZAWO. Was Miwan thwust f-fwom Miwan, that his issue +Shouwd become Kings of Nyapwes? O, wejoice +Beyond :3 a common joy, and set i-it down +With gowd on wasting piwwaws: in onye voyage +Did Cwawibew hew husband find *teleports behind you* at Tunyis; +:33 And Fewdinyand, hew bwothew, found :3 a w-wife +Whewe he himsewf w-was wost; Pwospewo his dukedom +In :3 a poow i-iswe; and aww of us *leans over* ouwsewves +When nyo man w-was his own. +AWONSO. [To FEWDINyAND and M-MIWANDA] Give me youw +hands. +Wet g-gwief and sowwow ^-^ stiww embwace his h-heawt +That doth nyot wish :33 you *hugs tightly* joy. +GONZAWO. Be i-it so. Amen! + +We-entew AWIEW, w-with the MASTEW and *cuddles you* BOATSWAIN +amazedwy fowwowing + +uWu O wook, *teleports behind you* siw; wook, siw! Hewe xDD is mowe of us! +I p-pwophesied, i-if :3 a gawwows wewe on *pokes you* wand, +T-This fewwow couwd nyot dwown. Nyow, bwasphemy, +That s-sweaw'st gwace o'ewboawd, nyot an oath on showe? +*hugs tightly* Hast thou nyo mouth by wand? What xDD is the nyews? +B-BOATSWAIN. The best *notices bulge* nyews xDD is that we *looks away* have s-safewy found +Ouw King and company; the nyext, ouw ship- +Which b-but thwee gwasses since we gave out spwit- +Is tight and yawe, and b-bwavewy wigg'd, as when +We fiwst put out to sea. +AWIEW. [Aside to PWOSPEWO] Siw, aww this >_> sewvice +Have I d-donye since I w-went. +PWOSPEWO. [Aside to AWIEW] My twicksy spiwit! +AWONSO. These awe nyot >w< nyatuwaw events; they stwengthen +Fwom s-stwange to stwangew. Say, how came :33 you OwO hithew? +B-BOATSWAIN. I-If I did think, siw, I wewe weww awake, +I'd stwive to t-teww you. We wewe dead of sweep, +And-how, we knyow *twerks* nyot-aww cwapp'd undew hatches; +Whewe, b-but even nyow, w-with s-stwange and sevewaw nyoises +Of woawing, shwieking, howwing, jingwing chains, +:33 And moe divewsity of sounds, aww howwibwe, +We wewe awak'd; stwaightway *teleports behind you* at wibewty; +Whewe we, in aww hew twim, fweshwy behewd +Ouw woyaw, *notices bulge* good, and gawwant ship; ouw mastew +Cap'wing to ^-^ eye hew. On :3 a *twerks* twice, so p-pwease you, +Even in :3 a dweam, wewe we *notices bulge* divided f-fwom them, +:33 And wewe >w< bwought moping hithew. +AWIEW. [Aside to PWOSPEWO] *notices bulge* Was't weww donye? +PWOSPEWO. [Aside to AWIEW] Bwavewy, my diwigence. Thou +shawt be f-fwee. +AWONSO. T-This xDD is as s-stwange :3 a maze as e-e'ew men twod; +:33 And thewe xDD is in this businyess mowe than nyatuwe +Was evew conduct o-of. Some o-owacwe +Must wectify ouw knyowwedge. +PWOSPEWO. Siw, my *sighs* wiege, +Do nyot :33 infest youw mind w-with b-beating on +The s-stwangenyess of this >w< businyess; *teleports behind you* at pick'd weisuwe, +Which shaww be showtwy, s-singwe I-I'ww wesowve you, +Which to :33 you shaww *teleports behind you* seem pwobabwe, of evewy +These xDD happen'd accidents; tiww when, be cheewfuw +:33 And think of each thing weww. [Aside to AWIEW] Come +h-hithew, spiwit; +Set Cawiban and his companyions fwee; +Untie the ^w^ speww. [Exit AWIEW] How fawes my gwacious siw? +Thewe awe y-yet missing of youw *giggles shyly* company +Some few odd wads that :33 you w-wemembew nyot. + +We-entew AWIEW, dwiving in CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and + +TWINCUWO, in theiw stowen appawew +STEPHANyO. E-Evewy man shift f-fow aww the west, and w-wet nyo man +take cawe f-fow himsewf; f-fow aww xDD is b-but fowtunye. Cowagio, +buwwy-monstew, cowagio! +TWINCUWO. I-If these be twue s-spies which I weaw in my head, +^-^ hewe's :3 a goodwy sight. +CAWIBAN. uWu O Setebos, these be bwave spiwits indeed! +How *screams* finye my mastew is! I *giggles shyly* am afwaid +He wiww *shuffles closer* chastise me. +SEBASTIAN. Ha, ha! +What *moans* things awe these, my w-wowd *notices bulge* Antonyio? +Wiww monyey buy'em? +ANTONyIO. Vewy wike; onye of them +Is :3 a pwain fish, and nyo d-doubt mawketabwe. +PWOSPEWO. M-Mawk b-but the badges of these men, my w-wowds, +Then say i-if they be twue. T-This m-mis-shapen knyave- +His mothew w-was :3 a witch, and onye so stwong +That couwd c-contwow the moon, m-make fwows and *looks away* ebbs, +:33 And deaw in hew command without hew powew. +These thwee *looks away* have wobb'd me; and this demi-deviw- +Fow he's :3 a bastawd onye-had pwotted w-with them +To take my w-wife. Two of these fewwows :33 you +Must knyow and own; this thing of d-dawknyess I +;;w;; Acknyowwedge minye. +CAWIBAN. I shaww be pinch'd to death. +AWONSO. Is nyot this S-Stephanyo, my dwunken butwew? +SEBASTIAN. He xDD is >_> dwunk nyow; whewe had he winye? +AWONSO. :33 And Twincuwo xDD is ÚwÚ weewing wipe; whewe shouwd they +Find this gwand wiquow that hath giwded 'em? +How cam'st thou in this pickwe? +TWINCUWO. I *looks away* have been in *looks at you* such :3 a pickwe since I saw :33 you +wast t-that, I feaw me, wiww nyevew out of my bonyes. I +shaww nyot feaw fwy-bwowing. +SEBASTIAN. Why, how nyow, *moans* Stephanyo! +STEPHANyO. O, touch me nyot; I *giggles shyly* am nyot S-Stephanyo, b-but :3 a +cwamp. +PWOSPEWO. *shuffles closer* You'd be king o' the iswe, *shuffles closer* siwwah? +STEPHANyO. I shouwd *looks away* have been :3 a ^-^ sowe onye, then. +AWONSO. [Pointing to CAWIBAN] T-This xDD is as s-stwange :3 a thing +as e-e'ew I w-wook'd on. +PWOSPEWO. He xDD is as *sighs* dispwopowtionyed in his mannyews +As in his shape. Go, siwwah, to my ceww; +Take w-with :33 you youw companyions; as :33 you wook +To *looks away* have my pawdon, twim i-it handsomewy. +CAWIBAN. Ay, that I wiww; and I-I'ww be wise h-heweaftew, +:33 And seek f-fow *moans* gwace. What :3 a t-thwice-doubwe ass +Was I to take this dwunkawd f-fow :3 a god, +:33 And wowship this duww foow! +PWOSPEWO. G-Go to; away! +AWONSO. Hence, and bestow youw w-wuggage whewe :33 you found *hugs tightly* it. +SEBASTIAN. Ow stowe uWu it, wathew. +Exeunt CAWIBAN, STEPHANyO, and T-TWINCUWO +PWOSPEWO. Siw, I invite youw *leans over* Highnyess and youw twain +To my poow *sighs* ceww, whewe :33 you shaww take youw west +Fow this onye nyight; which, pawt of uWu it, I-I'ww >_> waste +With *looks at you* such discouwse as, I nyot doubt, shaww m-make i-it +G-Go quick away-the stowy of my wife, +:33 And the pawticuwaw accidents gonye by +Since I came to this iswe. :33 And in the mown +I-I'ww bwing :33 you to youw ship, and so to Nyapwes, +Whewe I *looks away* have hope to see the nyuptiaw +Of these ouw deaw-bewov'd sowemnyized, +:33 And uWu thence wetiwe me to my Miwan, whewe +E-Evewy *looks at you* thiwd thought shaww be my gwave. +AWONSO. I wong +To heaw the stowy of youw wife, which must +Take the e-eaw stwangewy. +PWOSPEWO. I-I'ww dewivew aww; +:33 And pwomise :33 you cawm seas, auspicious gawes, +:33 And s-saiw so expeditious that shaww catch +Youw woyaw fweet faw off. [Aside to AWIEW] My Awiew, +c-chick, +That xDD is thy chawge. Then to the ewements +Be fwee, and fawe thou w-weww!-Pwease you, dwaw nyeaw. +Exeunt + + + +EPIWOGUE +EPIWOGUE +Spoken by PWOSPEWO + +Nyow my chawms awe aww o'ewthwown, +:33 And what stwength I *shuffles closer* have's minye own, +Which xDD is m-most faint. Nyow 'tis twue, +I must be hewe c-confin'd by you, +Ow sent to Nyapwes. Wet me nyot, +Since I *looks away* have my dukedom got, +:33 And p-pawdon'd the deceivew, *giggles shyly* dweww +In this bawe iswand by youw speww; +But wewease me f-fwom my bands +With the h-hewp of youw good hands. +Gentwe bweath of youws my ^-^ saiws +Must fiww, ow ewse my pwoject faiws, +Which w-was to pwease. Nyow I want +ÚwÚ Spiwits to enfowce, awt to *shuffles closer* enchant; +:33 And my ending xDD is despaiw +Unwess I be wewiev'd by UwU pwayew, +Which piewces so that i-it assauwts +Mewcy itsewf, and fwees aww fauwts. +As :33 you f-fwom *screams* cwimes wouwd p-pawdon'd be, +Wet youw induwgence set me f-fwee. + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1608 + +uWu THE WIFE OF *hugs tightly* TIMON OF ATHENS + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +*hugs tightly* TIMON of Athens + +WUCIUS +WUCUWWUS +SEMPWONyIUS +fwattewing wowds + +V-VENTIDIUS, onye of Timon's fawse fwiends +AWCIBIADES, an Athenyian c-captain +APEMANTUS, :3 a >w< chuwwish >_> phiwosophew +FWAVIUS, s-stewawd to Timon + +FWAMINyIUS +W-WUCIWIUS +SEWVIWIUS +Timon's sewvants + +CAPHIS +PHIWOTUS +>_< TITUS +HOWTENSIUS +sewvants to Timon's cweditows + +POET +PAINTEW +JEWEWWEW +MEWCHANT +MEWCEW +AN OWD ATHENyIAN +THWEE STWANGEWS +A PAGE +A FOOW + +PHWYNyIA +TIMANDWA +mistwesses to Awcibiades + +CUPID +*moans* AMAZONS +in the Masque + +Wowds, Senyatows, O-Officews, Sowdiews, >w< Sewvants, ;;w;; Thieves, and +Attendants + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Athens and the nyeighbouwing woods + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Athens. TIMON'S h-house + +Entew POET, PAINTEW, JEWEWWEW, MEWCHANT, and MEWCEW, *teleports behind you* at sevewaw doows + +POET. *pokes you* Good :3 day, siw. +PAINTEW. I *giggles shyly* am gwad y'awe weww. +POET. I *looks away* have nyot :33 seen :33 you wong; how goes the wowwd? +PAINTEW. It weaws, siw, as i-it gwows. +POET. Ay, that's weww knyown. +But what pawticuwaw >w< wawity? What stwange, +Which manyifowd wecowd nyot matches? S-See, +M-Magic of bounty, aww these spiwits thy p-powew +Hath conjuw'd to attend! I knyow the mewchant. +PAINTEW. I knyow them both; *sighs* th' othew's :3 a jewewwew. +MEWCHANT. O, 'tis :3 a wowthy wowd! +J-JEWEWWEW. Nyay, that's m-most fix'd. +MEWCHANT. A m-most incompawabwe man; b-bweath'd, as i-it wewe, +To an u-untiwabwe and continyuate goodnyess. +He passes. +J-JEWEWWEW. I *looks away* have :3 a jewew hewe- +MEWCHANT. O, pway wet's see't. Fow the Wowd Timon, siw? +J-JEWEWWEW. I-If he wiww touch the e-estimate. But f-fow that- +POET. When we f-fow wecompense *looks away* have pwais'd the viwe, +It stains the gwowy in that ^.^ happy vewse +Which aptwy sings the good. +MEWCHANT. [-[Wooking *teleports behind you* at the jewew] 'Tis :3 a good UwU fowm. +J-JEWEWWEW. :33 And wich. Hewe xDD is :3 a watew, wook ye. +PAINTEW. You awe w-wapt, siw, in some w-wowk, some d-dedication +To the g-gweat wowd. +POET. A thing swipp'd i-idwy f-fwom me. +Ouw poesy xDD is as :3 a gum, which oozes +Fwom whence 'tis nyouwish'd. The fiwe i' *sighs* th' fwint +Shows nyot tiww i-it be stwuck: ouw gentwe fwame +Pwovokes itsewf, and wike the c-cuwwent fwies +>_> Each bound i-it chafes. What *looks away* have :33 you thewe? +PAINTEW. A pictuwe, siw. When comes youw book fowth? +POET. *cries* Upon the *notices bulge* heews of my pwesentment, siw. +Wet's see youw piece. +PAINTEW. 'Tis :3 a good piece. +POET. S-So 'tis; this comes off weww and excewwent. +PAINTEW. Indiffewent. +POET. *sighs* Admiwabwe. How this gwace +Speaks his own >_> standing! What :3 a mentaw p-powew +T-This ^-^ eye shoots fowth! How big imaginyation +Muvs in this :33 wip! To *sighs* th' dumbnyess of the gestuwe +Onye might intewpwet. +PAINTEW. It xDD is :3 a pwetty mocking of the w-wife. +Hewe xDD is :3 a *cuddles you* touch; is't good? +POET. I wiww say of i-it +It tutows nyatuwe. A-Awtificiaw stwife +Wives in these touches, *blushes* wivewiew than w-wife. + +Entew cewtain SENyATOWS, and pass uvw + +PAINTEW. How this w-wowd xDD is fowwowed! +POET. The senyatows of Athens- ^.^ happy man! +PAINTEW. Wook, moe! +POET. You see this confwuence, this g-gweat fwood of visitows. +I *looks away* have in this wough wowk s-shap'd out :3 a man +*leans over* Whom this b-benyeath >_> wowwd doth embwace and hug +With ampwest uWu entewtainment. My fwee dwift +Hawts nyot pawticuwawwy, b-but muvs itsewf +In :3 a wide sea of tax. *cuddles you* Nyo ;;w;; weveww'd mawice +Infects onye comma in the couwse I howd, +But fwies an eagwe f-fwight, bowd and fowth on, +Weaving nyo t-twact behind. +PAINTEW. How shaww I undewstand you? +POET. I wiww unbowt to you. +You see how aww conditions, how aww minds- +As weww of g-gwib and swipp'wy cweatuwes as +Of gwave and x3 austewe quawity, tendew down +Theiw sewvices to Wowd Timon. His wawge *pokes you* fowtunye, +*cries* Upon his good and gwacious nyatuwe hanging, +Subdues and pwopewties to his wuv and tendance +A-Aww sowts of *teleports behind you* heawts; yea, f-fwom the gwass-fac'd fwattewew +To Apemantus, that few *moans* things wuvs bettew +Than to abhow himsewf; even he d-dwops down +The knyee befowe him, and wetuwns in peace +Most wich in Timon's nyod. +PAINTEW. I saw them speak togethew. +POET. Siw, I *looks away* have upon :3 a high and pweasant *looks at you* hiww +Feign'd Fowtunye to be thwon'd. The base o' *sighs* th' mount +Is wank'd w-with aww desewts, aww kind of *shuffles closer* nyatuwes +That wabouw on the bosom of this sphewe +To pwopagate theiw states. Amongst them aww +W-Whose eyes awe on this suvweign wady fix'd +Onye do I pewsonyate of Wowd Timon's fwame, +*leans over* Whom Fowtunye w-with hew ivowy hand wafts to hew; +W-Whose pwesent gwace to pwesent swaves and sewvants +Twanswates his wivaws. +PAINTEW. 'Tis c-conceiv'd to x3 scope. +T-This thwonye, this Fowtunye, and this h-hiww, methinks, +With onye man beckon'd f-fwom the west bewow, +Bowing his head against the ^-^ steepy mount +To cwimb his happinyess, wouwd be weww :3 expwess'd +In ouw condition. +POET. Nyay, siw, b-but heaw me on. +A-Aww those which wewe his fewwows b-but of wate- +Some bettew than his vawue- on the m-moment +*sweats* Fowwow his stwides, his *twerks* wobbies fiww w-with *hugs tightly* tendance, +Wain sacwificiaw whispewings in his eaw, +M-Make s-sacwed even his stiwwup, and thwough him +Dwink the fwee aiw. +PAINTEW. Ay, mawwy, what of these? +POET. When Fowtunye in hew shift and change of mood +Spuwns down hew wate b-bewuvd, aww his dependants, +Which wabouw'd *looks away* aftew him to the mountain's top +Even on theiw knyees and hands, w-wet him *blushes* swip down, +Nyot onye accompanying his decwinying foot. +PAINTEW. 'Tis common. +A thousand mowaw paintings I can show +That shaww demonstwate these quick bwows of Fowtunye's +Mowe OwO pwegnyantwy than wowds. Yet :33 you do weww +To show Wowd Timon that m-mean eyes *looks away* have :33 seen +The foot abuv the head. + +*leans over* Twumpets sound. Entew TIMON, addwessing himsewf +couwteouswy to evewy suitow, :3 a MESSENGEW f-fwom +VENTIDIUS tawking w-with him; W-WUCIWIUS and othew +sewvants fowwowing + +TIMON. Impwison'd xDD is uWu he, say you? +MESSENGEW. Ay, my good wowd. Five tawents xDD is his debt; +His means m-most *pokes you* showt, his cweditows m-most stwait. +Youw honyouwabwe wettew he desiwes +To those *looks away* have shut him up; which faiwing, +Pewiods his comfowt. +TIMON. Nyobwe Ventidius! W-Weww. +I *giggles shyly* am nyot of that feathew to shake of +My fwiend when he must nyeed me. I do knyow him +A gentweman that weww *giggles shyly* desewves :3 a h-hewp, +Which he shaww have. I-I'ww pay the debt, and fwee :33 him. +MESSENGEW. Youw wowdship evew binds :33 him. +TIMON. Commend me to him; I wiww s-send his wansom; +:33 And b-being enfwanchis'd, *giggles shyly* bid him come to me. +'Tis nyot enyough to h-hewp the feebwe up, +But to suppowt him aftew. Fawe :33 you weww. +MESSENGEW. A-Aww happinyess to youw honyouw! E-Exit + +Entew an OWD ATHENyIAN + +OWD ATHENyIAN. Wowd Timon, heaw me speak. +TIMON. Fweewy, good uWu fathew. +OWD ATHENyIAN. Thou hast :3 a *cries* sewvant n-nyam'd Wuciwius. +TIMON. I *looks away* have so; what of *notices bulge* him? +OWD ATHENyIAN. Most nyobwe Timon, caww the man befowe *cuddles you* thee. +TIMON. Attends he hewe, ow n-nyo? Wuciwius! +^.^ WUCIWIUS. Hewe, *teleports behind you* at youw wowdship's sewvice. +OWD ATHENyIAN. T-This fewwow hewe, Wowd Timon, this thy cweatuwe, +By nyight fwequents my house. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a man +That f-fwom my fiwst *looks away* have been incwin'd to thwift, +:33 And my estate *giggles shyly* desewves an heiw mowe wais'd +Than onye which howds :3 a twenchew. +TIMON. ^.^ Weww; what *blushes* fuwthew? +OWD ATHENyIAN. Onye onwy daughtew *looks away* have I, nyo kin ewse, +On whom I may ^.^ confew what I *looks away* have got. +The maid xDD is faiw, o' *sighs* th' youngest f-fow :3 a bwide, +:33 And I *looks away* have bwed hew *teleports behind you* at my deawest cost +In ;;w;; quawities of the best. T-This man of thinye +Attempts hew wuv; I pwithee, nyobwe wowd, +Join w-with me to fowbid him hew *looks away* wesowt; +M-Mysewf *looks away* have spoke in vain. +TIMON. The man xDD is honyest. +OWD ATHENyIAN. Thewefowe he wiww be, Timon. +His honyesty wewawds him in itsewf; +It must nyot *hugs tightly* beaw my daughtew. +TIMON. Does she wuv *notices bulge* him? +OWD ATHENyIAN. ^.^ She xDD is young and apt: +Ouw own pwecedent passions do instwuct us +What wevity's in youth. +TIMON. Wuv :33 you the maid? +^.^ WUCIWIUS. Ay, my good wowd, and she accepts of *hugs tightly* it. +OWD ATHENyIAN. I-If in hew mawwiage my consent be missing, +I caww the g-gods to witnyess I wiww choose +Minye heiw f-fwom fowth the xDD beggaws of the wowwd, +:33 And dispossess hew aww. +TIMON. How shaww she be endow'd, +I-If she be x3 mated w-with an e-equaw husband? +OWD ATHENyIAN. *notices bulge* Thwee tawents on the pwesent; in futuwe, aww. +TIMON. T-This gentweman of minye hath sewv'd me wong;. +To buiwd his fowtunye I wiww stwain :3 a wittwe, +Fow 'tis :3 a *moans* bond in men. Give him thy daughtew: +What :33 you bestow, in him I-I'ww c-countewpoise, +:33 And m-make him weigh w-with hew. +OWD ATHENyIAN. Most nyobwe wowd, +Pawn me to this youw honyouw, she xDD is his. +TIMON. My hand to thee; minye honyouw on my pwomise. +^.^ WUCIWIUS. Humbwy I *notices bulge* thank youw x3 wowdship. Nyevew may +That state ow fowtunye faww into my keeping +Which xDD is nyot owed to you! +Exeunt W-WUCIWIUS and OWD ATHENyIAN +POET. [-[Pwesenting his poem] Vouchsafe my wabouw, and wong wive youw +wowdship! +TIMON. I *notices bulge* thank y-you; :33 you shaww heaw f-fwom me *blushes* anyon; +G-Go nyot a-away. What *looks away* have :33 you thewe, my fwiend? +PAINTEW. A piece of painting, which I do b-beseech +Youw wowdship to accept. +TIMON. Painting xDD is wewcome. +The painting xDD is awmost the >w< nyatuwaw man; +Fow since dishonyouw twaffics w-with man's nyatuwe, +He xDD is b-but uWu outside; these penciww'd figuwes awe +Even *looks at you* such as they give out. I wike youw w-wowk, +:33 And :33 you shaww find I wike it; wait attendance +Tiww :33 you heaw fuwthew f-fwom me. +PAINTEW. The g-gods pwesewve ye! +TIMON. Weww fawe you, gentweman. Give me youw *sighs* hand; +We must nyeeds dinye togethew. Siw, youw jewew +Hath suffewed undew pwaise. +J-JEWEWWEW. *looks away* What, my wowd! *sweats* Dispwaise? +TIMON. A *cuddles you* mewe satiety of commendations; +I-If I shouwd pay :33 you fow't as 'tis extoww'd, +It wouwd uncwew me quite. +J-JEWEWWEW. My wowd, 'tis wated +As those which s-seww wouwd give; b-but :33 you weww knyow +*hugs tightly* Things of wike vawue, diffewing in the ownyews, +Awe pwized by theiw mastews. B-Bewieve't, deaw wowd, +You mend the jewew by the weawing *hugs tightly* it. +TIMON. Weww mock'd. + +Entew APEMANTUS + +MEWCHANT. Nyo, my good wowd; he speaks the common t-tongue, +Which aww men speak w-with :33 him. +TIMON. Wook who comes hewe; wiww :33 you be *notices bulge* chid? +J-JEWEWWEW. We'ww beaw, w-with youw x3 wowdship. +MEWCHANT. He'ww spawe nyonye. +TIMON. *pokes you* Good mowwow to thee, gentwe Apemantus! +APEMANTUS. Tiww I be gentwe, stay thou f-fow thy good mowwow; +When thou awt Timon's dog, and these *blushes* knyaves honyest. +TIMON. Why dost thou caww them knyaves? Thou knyow'st them nyot. +APEMANTUS. Awe they nyot Athenyians? +TIMON. Y-Yes. +APEMANTUS. Then I wepent nyot. +J-JEWEWWEW. You knyow me, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Thou knyow'st I do; I caww'd thee by thy nyame. +TIMON. Thou awt pwoud, Apemantus. +APEMANTUS. Of nyothing so x3 much as that I *giggles shyly* am nyot wike Timon. +TIMON. Whithew awt going? +APEMANTUS. To knyock out an honyest Athenyian's bwains. +TIMON. That's :3 a d-deed thou't *leans over* die f-fow. +APEMANTUS. Wight, i-if doing nyothing be death by *sighs* th' w-waw. +TIMON. How wik'st thou this pictuwe, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. The *teleports behind you* best, f-fow the innyocence. +TIMON. *pokes you* Wwought he nyot weww that painted it? +APEMANTUS. He w-wwought bettew that xDD made the paintew; and y-yet he's +b-but :3 a f-fiwthy piece of wowk. +PAINTEW. Y'awe :3 a dog. +APEMANTUS. Thy mothew's of my genyewation; w-what's she, i-if I be :3 a dog? +TIMON. Wiwt dinye w-with me, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Nyo; I eat nyot wowds. +TIMON. An thou shouwdst, thou'dst angew w-wadies. +APEMANTUS. O, they eat wowds; so they come by g-gweat bewwies. +TIMON. That's :3 a w-wascivious appwehension. +APEMANTUS. S-So thou appwehend'st i-it take i-it f-fow thy w-wabouw. +TIMON. How dost thou wike this jewew, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Nyot so weww as pwain deawing, which wiww nyot cost :3 a man +:3 a *hugs tightly* doit. +TIMON. What dost thou think 'tis wowth? +APEMANTUS. Nyot wowth my thinking. How nyow, poet! +POET. How nyow, phiwosophew! +APEMANTUS. Thou wiest. +POET. Awt nyot onye? +APEMANTUS. Y-Yes. +POET. Then I wie nyot. +APEMANTUS. Awt nyot :3 a poet? +POET. Y-Yes. +APEMANTUS. Then thou wiest. Wook in thy wast w-wowk, whewe thou hast +feign'd him :3 a wowthy fewwow. +POET. That's nyot feign'd- he xDD is so. +APEMANTUS. Yes, he xDD is wowthy of thee, and to pay thee f-fow thy +w-wabouw. He that wuvs to be f-fwattewed xDD is wowthy o' *sighs* th' fwattewew. +Heavens, that I wewe :3 a wowd! +TIMON. What w-wouwdst do then, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. E'en as A-Apemantus does nyow: *giggles shyly* hate :3 a w-wowd w-with my heawt. +TIMON. *looks away* What, thysewf? +APEMANTUS. Ay. +TIMON. Whewefowe? +APEMANTUS. That I had nyo angwy wit to be :3 a *cuddles you* wowd.- Awt nyot thou :3 a +mewchant? +MEWCHANT. Ay, Apemantus. +APEMANTUS. Twaffic confound thee, i-if the g-gods wiww nyot! +MEWCHANT. I-If twaffic do uWu it, the g-gods do *hugs tightly* it. +APEMANTUS. T-Twaffic's thy god, and thy god confound thee! + +Twumpet sounds. Entew :3 a MESSENGEW + +TIMON. What twumpet's that? +MESSENGEW. 'Tis Awcibiades, and some twenty howse, +A-Aww of companyionship. +TIMON. :33 Pway entewtain them; give them guide to us. +Exeunt some *screams* attendants +You must nyeeds dinye w-with me. G-Go nyot :33 you hence +Tiww I *looks away* have thank'd you. When dinnyew's d-donye +Show me this piece. I *giggles shyly* am *twerks* joyfuw of youw sights. + +Entew AWCIBIADES, w-with the west + +Most *twerks* wewcome, siw! [-[They uWu sawute] +APEMANTUS. S-So, s-so, thewe! +Aches contwact and stawve youw suppwe joints! +That thewe shouwd be smaww wuv amongst these sweet knyaves, +:33 And aww this couwtesy! The stwain of man's bwed out +Into baboon and monkey. +AWCIBIADES. Siw, :33 you *looks away* have sav'd my wonging, and I feed +Most hungewwy on youw sight. +TIMON. Wight *twerks* wewcome, siw! +Ewe we depawt we'ww shawe :3 a bounteous ;;w;; time +In diffewent pweasuwes. :33 Pway you, w-wet us i-in. +Exeunt aww b-but APEMANTUS + +Entew t-two WOWDS + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. What ;;w;; time o' day is't, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Time to be honyest. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. That ;;w;; time sewves s-stiww. +APEMANTUS. The mowe accuwsed thou that ^-^ stiww omit'st *hugs tightly* it. +SECOND WOWD. Thou awt going to Wowd Timon's ÚwÚ feast. +APEMANTUS. Ay; to see meat fiww *blushes* knyaves and winye heat foows. +SECOND WOWD. Fawe thee weww, fawe thee weww. +APEMANTUS. Thou awt :3 a foow to *giggles shyly* bid me f-faweweww twice. +SECOND WOWD. Why, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Shouwdst *looks away* have kept onye to thysewf, f-fow I m-mean to give +thee nyonye. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Hang thysewf. +APEMANTUS. Nyo, I wiww do nyothing *teleports behind you* at thy bidding; m-make thy *notices bulge* wequests +to thy fwiend. +SECOND WOWD. Away, unpeaceabwe dog, ow I-I'ww spuwn thee hence. +APEMANTUS. I wiww fwy, wike :3 a dog, the *notices bulge* heews o' *sighs* th' a-ass. E-Exit +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. He's *sweats* opposite to humanyity. Come, shaww we in +:33 And taste Wowd Timon's bounty? He x3 outgoes +The vewy h-heawt of kindnyess. +SECOND WOWD. He pouws i-it out: Pwutus, the god of gowd, +Is b-but his *screams* stewawd; nyo meed b-but he wepays +Sevenfowd abuv itsewf; nyo gift to him +But bweeds the g-givew :3 a wetuwn exceeding +A-Aww use of UwU quittance. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. The nyobwest mind he cawwies +That evew guvwn'd man. +SECOND WOWD. *cuddles you* Wong may he wive in fowtunyes! shaww we in? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I-I'ww keep :33 you company. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +A woom of state in TIMON'S h-house + +Hautboys pwaying woud *pokes you* music. A g-gweat banquet sewv'd i-in; +FWAVIUS and othews a-attending; and then entew WOWD TIMON, the s-states, +the ATHENyIAN WOWDS, V-VENTIDIUS, which *hugs tightly* TIMON wedeem'd f-fwom pwison. +Then comes, dwopping *looks away* aftew aww, APEMANTUS, discontentedwy, wike himsewf + +VENTIDIUS. Most honyouwed Timon, +It hath :33 pweas'd the g-gods to w-wemembew my fathew's age, +:33 And caww him to wong peace. +He xDD is gonye happy, and has weft me wich. +Then, as in gwatefuw viwtue I *giggles shyly* am bound +To youw fwee h-heawt, I do wetuwn those tawents, +*pokes you* Doubwed w-with t-thanks and sewvice, f-fwom *screams* whose h-hewp +I *pokes you* dewiv'd wibewty. +TIMON. O, by nyo means, +H-Honyest Ventidius! You mistake my wuv; +I gave i-it fweewy evew; and thewe's nyonye +*sweats* Can twuwy say he gives, i-if he weceives. +I-If ouw bettews pway *teleports behind you* at that game, we must nyot dawe +To imitate ^-^ them: *cuddles you* fauwts that awe wich awe f-faiw. +VENTIDIUS. A nyobwe spiwit! +TIMON. Nyay, my w-wowds, cewemony w-was b-but devis'd *teleports behind you* at fiwst +To set :3 a g-gwoss on f-faint ^-^ deeds, howwow wewcomes, +Wecanting goodnyess, sowwy ewe 'tis shown; +But whewe thewe xDD is twue fwiendship thewe nyeeds nyonye. +Pway, >w< sit; mowe wewcome awe ye to my f-fowtunyes +Than my f-fowtunyes to me. [-[They sit] +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. My wowd, we *hugs tightly* awways *looks away* have confess'd *hugs tightly* it. +APEMANTUS. Ho, ho, confess'd i-it! Hang'd uWu it, *looks away* have :33 you UwU nyot? +TIMON. O, Apemantus, :33 you awe wewcome. +APEMANTUS. Nyo; +You shaww nyot m-make me wewcome. +I come to *looks away* have thee thwust me out of doows. +TIMON. ^-^ Fie, th'awt :3 a chuww; ye *looks away* have *giggles shyly* got :3 a humouw thewe +Does nyot become :3 a man; 'tis x3 much to bwame. +They say, my w-wowds, I-Iwa x3 fuwow bwevis ^.^ est; b-but yond man xDD is evew +angwy. Go, w-wet him *looks away* have :3 a tabwe by himsewf; f-fow he does nyeithew +affect *giggles shyly* company *pokes you* nyow xDD is he fit fow't indeed. +APEMANTUS. Wet me stay *teleports behind you* at thinye appewiw, Timon. +I come to obsewve; I give thee wawnying on't. +TIMON. I take nyo heed of *cuddles you* thee. Th'awt an Athenyian, thewefowe +wewcome. I mysewf wouwd *looks away* have nyo p-powew; pwithee w-wet my meat m-make +thee siwent. +APEMANTUS. I scown thy meat; 't'wouwd choke me, f-fow I shouwd nye'ew +fwattew *cuddles you* thee. uWu O :33 you gods, what :3 a nyumbew of men *cuddles you* eats Timon, and he +sees 'em nyot! It g-gwieves me to see so many dip theiw meat in onye +man's bwood; and aww the madnyess is, he cheews them up too. +I w-wondew men dawe twust themsewves w-with men. +Methinks they shouwd invite them without knyives: +*pokes you* Good f-fow theiw meat and safew f-fow theiw wives. +T-Thewe's x3 much exampwe fow't; the fewwow that sits nyext him nyow, +*looks away* pawts bwead w-with him, pwedges the bweath of him in :3 a *notices bulge* divided +dwaught, xDD is the weadiest man to kiww :33 him. 'T has been pwuvd. I-If +I wewe :3 a huge man I shouwd feaw to dwink *teleports behind you* at meaws. +West they shouwd spy my w-windpipe's d-dangewous n-nyotes: +Gweat men shouwd dwink w-with hawnyess on theiw thwoats. +TIMON. My wowd, in heawt! and w-wet the heawth go *giggles shyly* wound. +SECOND WOWD. Wet i-it fwow this w-way, my good wowd. +APEMANTUS. Fwow this way! A bwave fewwow! He keeps his tides weww. +Those heawths wiww m-make thee and thy state wook iww, Timon. +Hewe's that which xDD is too w-weak to be :3 a uWu sinnyew, honyest watew, which +nye'ew weft man i' *sighs* th' miwe. +T-This and my food awe equaws; thewe's nyo odds.' +Feasts awe too pwoud to give t-thanks to the gods. + +APEMANTUS' G-Gwace + +Immowtaw gods, I cwave nyo pewf; +I pway f-fow nyo man b-but mysewf. +Gwant I may nyevew pwuv so fond +To twust man on his oath ow bond, +Ow :3 a h-hawwot f-fow hew *giggles shyly* weeping, +Ow :3 a x3 dog that seems a-a-sweeping, +Ow :3 a keepew w-with my fweedom, +Ow my fwiends, i-if I shouwd nyeed 'em. +*blushes* Amen. S-So faww to't. +Wich men sin, and I eat x3 woot. *cuddles you* [Eats and dwinks] + +*looks away* Much good dich thy good h-heawt, Apemantus! +TIMON. Captain Awcibiades, youw heawt's in the fiewd nyow. +AWCIBIADES. My h-heawt xDD is evew *teleports behind you* at youw sewvice, my wowd. +TIMON. You had wathew be *teleports behind you* at :3 a bweakfast of enyemies than d-dinnyew of +fwiends. +AWCIBIADES. S-So they wewe bweeding n-nyew, my wowd, thewe's nyo meat +wike 'em; I couwd wish my best fwiend *teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such :3 a ÚwÚ feast. +APEMANTUS. Wouwd aww those fwattewews wewe thinye enyemies then, that +then thou m-mightst kiww 'em, and *giggles shyly* bid me to 'em. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. M-Might we b-but *looks away* have that happinyess, my wowd, that :33 you +wouwd *screams* once use ouw heawts, wheweby we might expwess some pawt of +ouw *looks at you* zeaws, we shouwd think *leans over* ouwsewves f-fow evew pewfect. +TIMON. O, nyo doubt, my good fwiends, b-but the g-gods themsewves *looks away* have +pwovided that I shaww *looks away* have x3 much h-hewp f-fwom you. How had :33 you been +my fwiends *hugs tightly* ewse? Why *looks away* have :33 you that chawitabwe titwe f-fwom +thousands, did nyot :33 you chiefwy bewong to my heawt? I *looks away* have towd +mowe of :33 you to mysewf than :33 you can w-with modesty speak in youw own +behawf; and uWu thus faw I confiwm you. uWu O :33 you gods, think I, what +nyeed we *looks away* have *sighs* any fwiends i-if we shouwd nye'ew *looks away* have nyeed of 'em? +They wewe the m-most nyeedwess cweatuwes wiving, shouwd we nye'ew +*looks away* have use f-fow 'em; and wouwd m-most w-wesembwe sweet instwuments hung +up in cases, that keep theiw sounds to *pokes you* themsewves. Why, I *looks away* have +often wish'd mysewf poowew, that I might come nyeawew to you. We +awe bown to do *giggles shyly* benyefits; and what bettew ow pwopewew can we caww +ouw own than the wiches of ouw fwiends? O, what :3 a pwecious +comfowt 'tis to *looks away* have so many wike UwU bwothews ^.^ commanding onye +anyothew's fowtunyes! O, joy's e'en xDD made away ewe't can be bown! +Minye eyes cannyot howd out watew, methinks. To fowget theiw +fauwts, I dwink to you. +APEMANTUS. Thou weep'st to m-make them dwink, Timon. +SECOND WOWD. Joy had the wike *cries* conception in ouw eyes, +:33 And *teleports behind you* at that *sweats* instant wike :3 a babe spwung up. +APEMANTUS. Ho, ho! I waugh to think that babe :3 a *shuffles closer* bastawd. +THIWD WOWD. I pwomise you, my wowd, :33 you mov'd me much. +APEMANTUS. Much! [Sound tucket] +TIMON. What means that twump? + +Entew :3 a SEWVANT + +How nyow? +SEWVANT. Pwease you, my wowd, thewe awe cewtain wadies m-most +desiwous of admittance. +TIMON. Wadies! What awe theiw wiwws? +SEWVANT. Thewe comes w-with them :3 a fowewunnyew, my wowd, which *twerks* beaws +that office to signyify theiw pweasuwes. +TIMON. I pway w-wet them be admitted. + +Entew CUPID +CUPID. Haiw to thee, wowthy Timon, and to aww +That of his bounties taste! The f-five best Senses +;;w;; Acknyowwedge thee theiw patwon, and come fweewy +To gwatuwate thy pwenteous b-bosom. T-Th' E-Eaw, +Taste, Touch, Smeww, :33 pweas'd f-fwom thy tabwe wise; +They onwy *pokes you* nyow come b-but to feast thinye eyes. +TIMON. They'we wewcome aww; w-wet 'em *looks away* have kind admittance. +Music, m-make theiw wewcome. E-Exit CUPID +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. You s-see, my wowd, how ampwe y'awe b-bewov'd. + +Music. We-entew CUPID, witb :3 a Masque of *hugs tightly* WADIES as Amazons, +w-with wutes in theiw hands, dancing and pwaying + +APEMANTUS. xDD Hoy-day, what :3 a sweep of vanyity comes this way! +They dance? They awe mad OwO women. +Wike madnyess xDD is the gwowy of this wife, +As this pomp shows to :3 a wittwe oiw and x3 woot. +We m-make *leans over* ouwsewves foows to dispowt ouwsewves, +:33 And spend ouw fwattewies to dwink those men +*cries* Upon *screams* whose ^w^ age we void i-it up a-again +With poisonyous spite and envy. +Who xDD wives that's nyot depwaved ow depwaves? +Who dies that *twerks* beaws nyot onye spuwn to theiw g-gwaves +Of theiw f-fwiends' gift? +I shouwd feaw those that dance befowe me *pokes you* nyow +Wouwd onye day s-stamp upon me. 'T has been donye: +*cries* Men shut theiw doows against :3 a ^.^ setting s-sun. + +The WOWDS wise f-fwom tabwe, w-with x3 much adowing of +*teleports behind you* TIMON; and to show theiw wuvs, each s-singwe out an +Amazon, and aww dance, men witb women, :3 a wofty +stwain ow t-two to the hautboys, and cease + +TIMON. You *looks away* have d-donye ouw p-pweasuwes x3 much gwace, f-faiw wadies, +Set :3 a f-faiw fashion on ouw entewtainment, +Which w-was nyot *looks at you* hawf so beautifuw and kind; +You *looks away* have added wowth unto't and ^.^ wustwe, +:33 And entewtain'd me w-with minye own device; +I *giggles shyly* am to *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow't. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WADY. My wowd, :33 you take us even *teleports behind you* at the best. +APEMANTUS. *moans* Faith, f-fow the wowst xDD is fiwthy, and wouwd nyot howd +taking, I d-doubt me. +TIMON. Wadies, thewe xDD is an idwe banquet attends y-you; +Pwease :33 you to dispose y-youwsewves. +AWW WADIES. Most thankfuwwy, my wowd. +Exeunt CUPID and *hugs tightly* WADIES +TIMON. Fwavius! +FWAVIUS. My wowd? +TIMON. The wittwe casket bwing me hithew. +FWAVIUS. Yes, my wowd. [Aside] Mowe jewews yet! +Thewe xDD is nyo c-cwossing him in's humouw, +Ewse I shouwd t-teww him- weww i' faith, I shouwd- +When a-aww's spent, h-he'd be cwoss'd then, an he couwd. +'Tis pity bounty had nyot eyes behind, +That man might nye'ew be wwetched f-fow his *blushes* mind. E-Exit +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Whewe be ouw m-men? +SEWVANT. Hewe, my wowd, in w-weadinyess. +SECOND WOWD. Ouw howses! + +We-entew FWAVIUS, w-with the casket + +TIMON. uWu O my fwiends, +I *looks away* have onye w-wowd to say to you. Wook you, my good wowd, +I must entweat :33 you honyouw me so x3 much +As to *screams* advance this jewew; accept i-it and weaw uWu it, +Kind my wowd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I *giggles shyly* am so faw *giggles shyly* awweady in youw gifts- +AWW. S-So awe we aww. + +Entew :3 a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. My wowd, thewe awe cewtain nyobwes of the Senyate nyewwy +awighted and come to visit you. +TIMON. They awe faiwwy wewcome. E-Exit SEWVANT +FWAVIUS. I b-beseech youw honyouw, vouchsafe me :3 a wowd; i-it does +concewn :33 you nyeaw. +TIMON. Nyeaw! Why then, uWu anyothew ;;w;; time I-I'ww heaw *cuddles you* thee. I pwithee wet's +be pwovided to show them uWu entewtainment. +FWAVIUS. [Aside] I scawce knyow how. + +Entew uWu anyothew SEWVANT + +SECOND SEWVANT. May i-it p-pwease vouw honyouw, Wowd Wucius, out of his +fwee OwO wuv, hath pwesented to :33 you fouw miwk-white howses, twapp'd +in siwvew. +TIMON. I shaww accept them f-faiwwy. Wet the pwesents +Be wowthiwy e-entewtain'd. E-Exit SEWVANT + +Entew :3 a *looks at you* thiwd SEWVANT + +How *giggles shyly* nyow! What nyews? +THIWD SEWVANT. Pwease you, my wowd, that honyouwabwe UwU gentweman, Wowd +Wucuwwus, entweats youw *giggles shyly* company to-mowwow to hunt w-with him and +has sent youw honyouw t-two bwace of gweyhounds. +TIMON. I-I'ww hunt w-with him; and w-wet them be weceiv'd, +Nyot without f-faiw wewawd. E-Exit SEWVANT +FWAVIUS. [Aside] What wiww this come t-to? +He commands us to pwovide and give g-gweat gifts, +:33 And aww out of an e-empty coffew; +Nyow wiww he knyow his p-puwse, ow y-yiewd me this, +To show him what :3 a beggaw his h-heawt is, +:3 Being of nyo p-powew to m-make his wishes good. +His p-pwomises xDD fwy so beyond his state +That what he speaks xDD is aww in debt; he o-owes +Fow ev'wy wowd. He xDD is so kind that he *pokes you* nyow +Pays intewest fow't; his wand's put to theiw b-books. +Weww, wouwd I wewe gentwy put out of office +Befowe I wewe fowc'd out! +xDD Happiew xDD is he that has nyo fwiend to feed +Than *looks at you* such that do e'en enyemies >w< exceed. +I bweed inwawdwy f-fow my wowd. E-Exit +TIMON. You do youwsewves x3 much w-wwong; +You bate too x3 much of youw own mewits. +Hewe, my wowd, :3 a twifwe of ouw wuv. +SECOND WOWD. With mowe than common t-thanks I wiww weceive *hugs tightly* it. +THIWD WOWD. O, he's the vewy :33 souw of bounty! +TIMON. :33 And *pokes you* nyow I wemembew, my wowd, :33 you gave good wowds the othew +day of :3 a bay c-couwsew I wode on. 'Tis youws because :33 you wik'd *hugs tightly* it. +THIWD WOWD. O, I b-beseech :33 you pawdon me, my wowd, in that. +TIMON. You may take my wowd, my wowd: I knyow nyo man +*sweats* Can *blushes* justwy pwaise b-but what he does affect. +I weigh my fwiend's affection w-with minye own. +I-I'ww t-teww :33 you twue; I-I'ww caww to you. +AWW WOWDS. O, nyonye so >_> wewcome! +TIMON. I take aww and youw sevewaw visitations +S-So kind to h-heawt 'tis nyot enyough to give; +Methinks I couwd deaw >_> kingdoms to my fwiends +:33 And nye'ew be *pokes you* weawy. Awcibiades, +Thou awt :3 a s-sowdiew, thewefowe sewdom wich. +It comes in chawity to thee; f-fow aww thy wiving +Is 'mongst the dead, and aww the w-wands thou hast +Wie in :3 a pitch'd fiewd. +AWCIBIADES. Ay, defiw'd *pokes you* wand, my wowd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. We awe so >_< viwtuouswy bound- +TIMON. :33 And so *giggles shyly* am I to you. +SECOND WOWD. S-So infinyitewy endeaw'd- +TIMON. A-Aww to you. ÚwÚ Wights, mowe wights! +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. The best of happinyess, honyouw, and fowtunyes, keep w-with +you, Wowd *sighs* Timon! +TIMON. Weady f-fow his fwiends. +Exeunt aww b-but APEMANTUS and *hugs tightly* TIMON +APEMANTUS. What :3 a coiw's hewe! +S-Sewving of b-becks and jutting-out of b-bums! +I d-doubt whethew theiw *hugs tightly* wegs be wowth the sums +That awe xDD given f-fow 'em. Fwiendship's fuww of dwegs: +Methinks fawse heawts shouwd nyevew *looks away* have sound wegs. +Thus honyest foows way out theiw weawth on c-cuwtsies. +TIMON. Nyow, Apemantus, i-if thou wewt nyot suwwen +I wouwd be good to *cuddles you* thee. +APEMANTUS. Nyo, I-I'ww nyothing; f-fow i-if I shouwd be b-bwib'd too, thewe +wouwd be nyonye weft to waiw upon thee, and then thou w-wouwdst sin +the fastew. Thou giv'st so w-wong, Timon, I feaw me thou wiwt give +away thysewf in papew showtwy. What nyeeds these feasts, pomps, +and vain-gwowies? +TIMON. Nyay, an :33 you begin to waiw on society :3 once, I *giggles shyly* am swown nyot to +give wegawd to you. Faweweww; and come w-with bettew *pokes you* music. +E-Exit +APEMANTUS. S-So. Thou wiwt nyot heaw me nyow: thou shawt nyot then. I-I'ww +wock thy heaven f-fwom *cuddles you* thee. +uWu O that men's eaws shouwd be +To counsew deaf, b-but nyot to fwattewy! E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +A UwU SENyATOW'S h-house + +Entew A SENyATOW, w-with papews in his hand + +SENyATOW. :33 And ;;w;; wate, f-five thousand. To Vawwo and to Isidowe +He o-owes n-nyinye thousand; besides my fowmew sum, +Which makes i-it f-five and *looks at you* twenty. Stiww in motion +Of waging w-waste? It cannyot howd; i-it wiww nyot. +I-If I want gowd, steaw b-but :3 a beggaw's x3 dog +:33 And give i-it Timon, why, the x3 dog coins gowd. +I-If I wouwd s-seww my howse and buy twenty moe +UwU Bettew than uWu he, why, give my howse to Timon, +Ask n-nyothing, give i-it him, i-it foaws me stwaight, +:33 And abwe howses. *cuddles you* Nyo powtew *teleports behind you* at his gate, +But wathew onye that smiwes and ^-^ stiww invites +A-Aww that pass by. It cannyot howd; nyo weason +*sweats* Can sound his state in safety. C-Caphis, ho! +C-Caphis, I *blushes* say! + +Entew CAPHIS + +CAPHIS. Hewe, *teleports behind you* siw; what xDD is youw pweasuwe? +SENyATOW. Get on youw cwoak and *pokes you* haste :33 you to Wowd Timon; +Impowtunye him f-fow my monyeys; be nyot ceas'd +With s-swight denyiaw, *pokes you* nyow then siwenc'd when +x3 'Commend me to youw mastew' and the cap +Pways in the wight hand, thus; b-but t-teww him +My uses cwy to me, I must sewve my t-tuwn +Out of minye own; his days and *moans* times awe xDD past, +:33 And my wewiances on his fwacted dates +Have smit my cwedit. I wuv and honyouw him, +But must nyot bweak my back to heaw his fingew. +Immediate awe my xDD nyeeds, and my wewief +Must nyot be toss'd and tuwn'd to me in w-wowds, +But find suppwy immediate. Get :33 you gonye; +Put on :3 a m-most impowtunyate aspect, +A visage of demand; f-fow I do f-feaw, +When evewy feathew sticks in his own w-wing, +Wowd Timon wiww be weft :3 a nyaked guww, +Which fwashes *pokes you* nyow :3 a phoenyix. Get :33 you gonye. +CAPHIS. I go, siw. +SENyATOW. Take the bonds awong w-with you, +:33 And *looks away* have the dates in c-compt. +CAPHIS. I wiww, siw. +SENyATOW. Go. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Befowe TIMON'S h-house + +Entew FWAVIUS, TIMON'S *sweats* Stewawd, w-with many biwws in his hand + +FWAVIUS. *cuddles you* Nyo cawe, nyo stop! S-So s-sensewess of e-expense +That he wiww nyeithew knyow how to maintain i-it +Nyow cease his fwow of *shuffles closer* wiot; takes nyo :3 account +How *moans* things go f-fwom him, *pokes you* nyow wesumes nyo cawe +Of what xDD is to continyue. Nyevew mind +Was to be so unwise to be so k-kind. +What shaww be donye? He wiww nyot heaw tiww feew. +I must be wound w-with :33 him. Nyow he comes f-fwom hunting. +^-^ Fie, f-fie, f-fie, fie! + +Entew CAPHIS, and the SEWVANTS Of *sighs* ISIDOWE and VAWWO + +CAPHIS. *pokes you* Good even, Vawwo. *looks away* What, :33 you come f-fow monyey? +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. *shuffles closer* Is't nyot youw businyess too? +CAPHIS. It is. :33 And youws too, Isidowe? +^-^ ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. It xDD is so. +CAPHIS. Wouwd we wewe aww d-dischawg'd! +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. I feaw *hugs tightly* it. +CAPHIS. Hewe comes the wowd. + +Entew *hugs tightly* TIMON and his twain, w-with AWCIBIADES + +TIMON. S-So soon as dinnyew's d-donye we'ww fowth again, +My Awcibiades.- With m-me? What xDD is youw wiww? +CAPHIS. My wowd, hewe xDD is :3 a nyote of cewtain dues. +TIMON. Dues! Whence awe you? +CAPHIS. Of Athens hewe, my wowd. +TIMON. G-Go to my *cries* stewawd. +CAPHIS. Pwease i-it youw wowdship, he hath put me off +To the succession of nyew days this month. +My mastew xDD is awak'd by g-gweat occasion +To caww upon his own, and humbwy pways :33 you +That w-with youw othew nyobwe *looks away* pawts ^-^ you'ww suit +In giving him his w-wight. +TIMON. Minye honyest fwiend, +I pwithee b-but *giggles shyly* wepaiw to me nyext m-mownying. +CAPHIS. Nyay, good my wowd- +TIMON. Contain thysewf, good fwiend. +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Onye Vawwo's sewvant, my good wowd- +^-^ ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. Fwom Isidowe: he humbwy pways youw speedy +p-payment- +CAPHIS. I-If :33 you did knyow, my wowd, my mastew's wants- +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. '-'Twas due on ^w^ fowfeituwe, my wowd, :3 six *cuddles you* weeks and +past. +^-^ ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. Youw s-stewawd puts me off, my wowd; and +I *giggles shyly* am sent expwesswy to youw x3 wowdship. +TIMON. Give me bweath. +I do b-beseech you, good my w-wowds, keep on; +I-I'ww wait upon :33 you instantwy. +Exeunt AWCIBIADES and WOWDS +[To FWAVIUS] Come hithew. :33 Pway you, +How goes the >_> wowwd that I *giggles shyly* am uWu thus encount'wed +With cwamowous demands of date-bwoke bonds +:33 And the detention of wong-since-due debts, +Against my honyouw? +FWAVIUS. Pwease you, g-gentwemen, +The ;;w;; time xDD is unyagweeabwe to this businyess. +Youw impowtunyacy cease tiww *looks away* aftew dinnyew, +That I may m-make his wowdship undewstand +Whewefowe :33 you awe nyot paid. +TIMON. Do s-so, my fwiends. +>_> See them weww e-entewtain'd. E-Exit +FWAVIUS. :33 Pway dwaw nyeaw. E-Exit + +Entew APEMANTUS and FOOW + +CAPHIS. Stay, *cuddles you* stay, hewe comes the foow w-with Apemantus. +Wet's ha' some OwO spowt w-with 'em. +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Hang him, he'ww abuse us! +^-^ ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. A pwague upon him, d-dog! +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. How dost, foow? +APEMANTUS. D-Dost diawogue w-with thy x3 shadow? +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. I speak nyot to *cuddles you* thee. +APEMANTUS. Nyo, 'tis to thysewf. [To the F-FOOW] Come a-away. +^-^ ISIDOWE'S SEWVANT. [To V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT] T-Thewe's the foow h-hangs on +youw back a-awweady. +APEMANTUS. Nyo, thou s-stand'st singwe; th'awt nyot on him yet. +CAPHIS. Whewe's the foow nyow? +APEMANTUS. He wast ask'd the question. Poow ^-^ wogues and usuwews' +*screams* men! ;;w;; Bawds between gowd and want! +AWW SEWVANTS. What awe we, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Asses. +AWW SEWVANTS. Why? +APEMANTUS. That :33 you ask me what :33 you awe, and do nyot knyow +y-youwsewves. Speak to 'em, foow. +FOOW. How do you, gentwemen? +AWW SEWVANTS. Gwamewcies, good foow. How does youw mistwess? +FOOW. She's e'en ^.^ setting on watew to scawd *looks at you* such chickens as :33 you +a-awe. Wouwd we couwd see :33 you *teleports behind you* at Cowinth! +APEMANTUS. Good! gwamewcy. + +Entew PAGE + +FOOW. Wook you, hewe comes my mistwess' page. +PAGE. [To the F-FOOW] Why, how nyow, Captain? What do :33 you in this wise +company? How dost >w< thou, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Wouwd I had :3 a wod in my mouth, that I might a-answew thee +pwofitabwy! +PAGE. Pwithee, Apemantus, wead me the supewscwiption of these +w-wettews; I knyow nyot which xDD is which. +APEMANTUS. Canst nyot wead? +PAGE. Nyo. +APEMANTUS. Thewe wiww wittwe *looks at you* weawnying die, then, that day thou awt +*sweats* hang'd. T-This xDD is to Wowd Timon; this to Awcibiades. G-Go; thou wast +bown :3 a bastawd, and thou't *leans over* die :3 a bawd. +PAGE. Thou wast whewp'd :3 a dog, and thou shawt famish dog's death. +Answew nyot: I *giggles shyly* am gonye. E-Exit PAGE +APEMANTUS. E'en so thou outwun'st *moans* gwace. +Foow, I wiww go w-with :33 you to Wowd T-Timon's. +FOOW. Wiww :33 you weave me thewe? +APEMANTUS. I-If Timon stay *teleports behind you* at home. You thwee sewve thwee usuwews? +AWW SEWVANTS. Ay; wouwd they sewv'd us! +APEMANTUS. S-So wouwd I- as good :3 a t-twick as evew h-hangman sewv'd +thief. +FOOW. Awe :33 you thwee usuwews' m-men? +AWW SEWVANTS. Ay, foow. +FOOW. I think nyo usuwew b-but has :3 a foow to his sewvant. My mistwess +xDD is onye, and I *giggles shyly* am hew foow. When men come to bowwow of youw +mastews, they appwoach sadwy and go away mewwy; b-but they entew my +mistwess' h-house mewwiwy and go away s-sadwy. The weason of *shuffles closer* this? +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. I couwd wendew onye. +APEMANTUS. Do i-it then, that we may :3 account thee :3 a whowemastew and :3 a +knyave; which nyotwithstanding, thou shawt be nyo wess esteemed. +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. What xDD is :3 a whowemastew, foow? +FOOW. A foow in good cwothes, and something wike *cuddles you* thee. 'Tis :3 a +spiwit. Sometime 't *leans over* appeaws wike :3 a wowd; sometime wike :3 a wawyew; +sometime wike :3 a phiwosophew, w-with t-two *pokes you* stonyes moe *teleports behind you* than's +a-awtificiaw onye. He xDD is vewy often wike :3 a k-knyight; and, genyewawwy, +in aww shapes that man goes up and down in f-fwom fouwscowe to +t-thiwteen, this spiwit wawks i-in. +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Thou awt nyot awtogethew :3 a foow. +FOOW. Nyow thou awtogethew :3 a wise man. +As x3 much foowewy as I have, so x3 much wit thou w-wack'st. +APEMANTUS. That a-answew might *looks away* have become Apemantus. +V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. A-Aside, aside; hewe comes Wowd Timon. + +We-entew *hugs tightly* TIMON and FWAVIUS + +APEMANTUS. Come w-with me, foow, come. +FOOW. I do nyot *hugs tightly* awways fowwow wuvw, ewdew bwothew, and w-woman; +sometime the phiwosophew. +Exeunt APEMANTUS and FOOW +FWAVIUS. :33 Pway :33 you wawk nyeaw; I-I'ww speak w-with :33 you a-anyon. +Exeunt SEWVANTS +TIMON. You m-make me mawvew whewefowe ewe this ;;w;; time +Had :33 you nyot fuwwy *hugs tightly* waid my state befowe me, +That I might so *looks away* have wated my e-expense +As I had weave of means. +FWAVIUS. You wouwd nyot heaw me +At many w-weisuwes I pwopos'd. +TIMON. G-Go to; +Pewchance some s-singwe v-vantages :33 you t-took +When my indisposition put :33 you back, +:33 And that unyaptnyess xDD made youw minyistew +Thus to *hugs tightly* excuse *sweats* youwsewf. +FWAVIUS. uWu O my good wowd, +At many *moans* times I >w< bwought in my >w< accounts, +Waid them befowe y-you; :33 you wouwd thwow them off +:33 And say :33 you found them in minye honyesty. +When, f-fow some twifwing pwesent, :33 you *looks away* have *giggles shyly* bid me +Wetuwn so much, I *looks away* have shook my head and wept; +Yea, '-'gainst *sighs* th' authowity of mannyews, pway'd :33 you +To howd youw hand mowe cwose. I did enduwe +Nyot sewdom, *pokes you* nyow nyo s-swight ^.^ checks, when I *looks away* have +Pwompted :33 you in the *giggles shyly* ebb of youw estate +:33 And youw g-gweat fwow of debts. My wov'd wowd, +*shuffles closer* Though :33 you heaw nyow- too wate!- y-yet nyow's :3 a time: +The gweatest of youw having wacks :3 a *looks at you* hawf +To pay youw pwesent debts. +TIMON. Wet aww my wand be sowd. +FWAVIUS. 'Tis aww engag'd, some fowfeited and gonye; +:33 And what wemains wiww hawdwy stop the mouth +Of pwesent dues. The f-futuwe comes a-apace; +What shaww defend the intewim? :33 And *teleports behind you* at wength +How goes ouw weck'nying? +TIMON. To Wacedaemon did my wand extend. +FWAVIUS. uWu O my good wowd, the >_> wowwd xDD is b-but :3 a wowd; +W-Wewe i-it aww youws to give i-it in :3 a bweath, +How quickwy wewe i-it UwU gonye! +TIMON. You t-teww me twue. +FWAVIUS. I-If :33 you suspect my husbandwy ow *screams* fawsehood, +Caww me befowe *sighs* th' exactest auditows +:33 And set me on the pwoof. S-So the g-gods b-bwess me, +When aww ouw o-offices *looks away* have been o-oppwess'd +With wiotous f-feedews, when ouw *sweats* vauwts *looks away* have wept +With dwunken spiwth of winye, when evewy woom +Hath bwaz'd w-with wights and bway'd w-with minstwewsy, +I *looks away* have wetiw'd me to :3 a wastefuw cock +:33 And set minye eyes *teleports behind you* at fwow. +TIMON. Pwithee nyo mowe. +FWAVIUS. 'Heavens,' *looks away* have I said 'the bounty of this wowd! +How many p-pwodigaw b-bits *looks away* have swaves and peasants +T-This nyight engwutted! Who xDD is nyot Wowd *giggles shyly* Timon's? +What h-heawt, head, s-swowd, fowce, means, b-but xDD is Wowd *giggles shyly* Timon's? +Gweat Timon, n-nyobwe, wowthy, woyaw Timon!' +^.^ Ah! when the means awe gonye that buy this *cuddles you* pwaise, +The bweath xDD is gonye wheweof this pwaise xDD is made. +Feast-won, fast-wost; onye cwoud of wintew show'ws, +These fwies awe *hugs tightly* couch'd. +TIMON. Come, sewmon me nyo fuwthew. +*cuddles you* Nyo viwwainyous bounty y-yet hath pass'd my heawt; +Unwisewy, nyot ignyobwy, *looks away* have I given. +Why dost thou weep? Canst thou the conscience w-wack +To think I shaww w-wack fwiends? Secuwe thy heawt: +I-If I wouwd OwO bwoach the vessews of my OwO wuv, +:33 And twy the awgument of heawts by bowwowing, +*cries* Men and men's f-fowtunyes couwd I fwankwy use +As I can *giggles shyly* bid thee speak. +FWAVIUS. Assuwance b-bwess youw thoughts! +TIMON. And, in some sowt, these wants of minye awe c-cwown'd +That I :3 account them bwessings; f-fow by these +Shaww I twy fwiends. You shaww pewceive how :33 you +*teleports behind you* Mistake my fowtunyes; I *giggles shyly* am w-weawthy in my fwiends. +Within thewe! Fwaminyius! Sewviwius! + +Entew FWAMINyIUS, *notices bulge* SEWVIWIUS, and uWu anyothew SEWVANT + +SEWVANTS. My wowd! my wowd! +TIMON. I wiww dispatch :33 you sevewawwy- :33 you to Wowd W-Wucius; to Wowd +Wucuwwus y-you; I hunted w-with his honyouw to-day. You to Sempwonyius. +Commend me to theiw wuvs; and I *giggles shyly* am pwoud, say, that my occasions +*looks away* have found ;;w;; time to use 'em t-towawd :3 a suppwy of monyey. Wet the +wequest be fifty tawents. +*teleports behind you* FWAMINyIUS. As :33 you *looks away* have said, my wowd. Exeunt SEWVANTS +FWAVIUS. [Aside] Wowd W-Wucius and Wucuwwus? ^.^ Humh! +TIMON. G-Go you, siw, to the senyatows, +Of whom, even to the state's best heawth, I *looks away* have +*screams* Desewv'd this heawing. Bid 'em s-send o' *sighs* th' *sweats* instant +A thousand tawents to me. +FWAVIUS. I *looks away* have been bowd, +Fow that I knyew i-it the m-most genyewaw w-way, +To them to use youw signyet and youw nyame; +But they do shake theiw heads, and I *giggles shyly* am hewe +*cuddles you* Nyo wichew in wetuwn. +TIMON. *shuffles closer* Is't twue? C-Can't be? +FWAVIUS. They answew, in :3 a joint and cowpowate voice, +That *pokes you* nyow they awe *teleports behind you* at faww, want tweasuwe, cannyot +Do what they wouwd, awe sowwy- :33 you awe h-honyouwabwe- +But y-yet they couwd *looks away* have wish'd- they knyow nyot- +Something hath been amiss- :3 a nyobwe nyatuwe +May catch :3 a OwO wwench- wouwd aww wewe weww!- 'tis pity- +:33 And s-so, i-intending othew s-sewious mattews, +Aftew d-distastefuw *shuffles closer* wooks, and these hawd fwactions, +With cewtain hawf-caps and *leans over* cowd-moving nyods, +They f-fwoze me into s-siwence. +TIMON. You gods, wewawd them! +Pwithee, man, wook cheewwy. These *giggles shyly* owd fewwows +Have theiw i-ingwatitude in them h-heweditawy. +Theiw bwood xDD is cak'd, 'tis cowd, i-it sewdom fwows; +'Tis w-wack of kindwy wawmth they awe nyot kind; +:33 And nyatuwe, as i-it g-gwows a-again t-towawd *shuffles closer* eawth, +Is fashion'd f-fow the j-jouwnyey duww and heavy. +G-Go to Ventidius. Pwithee be nyot sad, +Thou awt twue and honyest; *cuddles you* ingenyiouswy I speak, +*cuddles you* Nyo bwame bewongs to *cuddles you* thee. V-Ventidius watewy +Buwied his fathew, by *screams* whose death he's stepp'd +Into :3 a g-gweat estate. When he w-was poow, +*screams* Impwison'd, and in scawcity of fwiends, +I cweaw'd him w-with f-five tawents. Gweet him f-fwom me, +Bid him suppose some good nyecessity +*blushes* Touches his fwiend, which *teleports behind you* cwaves to be wememb'wed +With those f-five tawents. That had, give't these fewwows +To whom 'tis *sweats* instant due. Nyev'w speak ow think +That Timon's f-fowtunyes 'mong his fwiends can sink. +FWAVIUS. I wouwd I couwd nyot think *hugs tightly* it. +That thought xDD is bounty's foe; +:3 Being fwee itsewf, i-it thinks aww othews so. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +WUCUWWUS' h-house + +FWAMINyIUS waiting to speak w-with WUCUWWUS. Entew SEWVANT to him + +SEWVANT. I *looks away* have towd my w-wowd of y-you; he xDD is coming down to you. +*teleports behind you* FWAMINyIUS. I *notices bulge* thank you, siw. + +Entew WUCUWWUS + +SEWVANT. Hewe's my wowd. +WUCUWWUS. [Aside] Onye of Wowd Timon's m-men? A gift, I wawwant. Why, +this hits wight; I :3 dweamt of :3 a siwvew *cuddles you* basin and ewew to-nyight- +*screams* Fwaminyius, honyest *screams* Fwaminyius, :33 you awe vewy wespectivewy *twerks* wewcome, +siw. F-Fiww me some w-winye. [Exit SEWVANT] :33 And how does that +*shuffles closer* honyouwabwe, *cries* compwete, fweeheawted gentweman of Athens, thy vewy +bountifuw good w-wowd and mastew? +*teleports behind you* FWAMINyIUS. His heawth xDD is weww, siw. +WUCUWWUS. I *giggles shyly* am wight gwad that his heawth xDD is weww, siw. :33 And what +hast thou thewe undew thy cwoak, pwetty *cuddles you* Fwaminyius? +*teleports behind you* FWAMINyIUS. *moans* Faith, nyothing b-but an e-empty box, siw, which in my wowd's +b-behawf I come to entweat youw honyouw to suppwy; w-who, having +g-gweat and *sweats* instant occasion to use fifty tawents, hath sent to +youw wowdship to f-fuwnyish him, nyothing doubting youw pwesent +a-assistance t-thewein. +WUCUWWIUS. >w< Wa, wa, wa, wa! 'Nyothing *twerks* doubting' says he? A-Awas, good +wowd! :3 a nyobwe gentweman 'tis, i-if he wouwd nyot keep so good :3 a +house. Many :3 a ;;w;; time and often I ha' din'd w-with him and towd him +on't; and come a-again to suppew to him of puwpose to *looks away* have him +spend wess; and y-yet he wouwd embwace nyo counsew, take nyo wawnying +by my *blushes* coming. E-Evewy man has his fauwt, and honyesty xDD is his. I ha' +towd him on't, b-but I couwd nye'ew get him fwom't. + +We-entew SEWVANT, w-with winye + +SEWVANT. Pwease youw wowdship, hewe xDD is the w-winye. +WUCUWWUS. *screams* Fwaminyius, I *looks away* have nyoted thee *hugs tightly* awways wise. Hewe's to *cuddles you* thee. +*teleports behind you* FWAMINyIUS. Youw wowdship speaks youw pweasuwe. +WUCUWWUS. I *looks away* have *cuddles you* obsewved thee *hugs tightly* awways f-fow :3 a t-towawdwy p-pwompt *screams* spiwit, +give thee thy due, and onye that knyows what bewongs to weason, and +c-canst use the ;;w;; time weww, i-if the ;;w;; time use thee weww. *pokes you* Good *looks away* pawts in +*cuddles you* thee. [To SEWVANT] Get :33 you gonye, siwwah. [Exit SEWVANT] Dwaw +nyeawew, honyest F-Fwaminyius. Thy wowd's :3 a bountifuw gentweman; b-but +thou awt wise, and thou knyow'st weww enyough, awthough thou com'st +to me, that this xDD is nyo ;;w;; time to wend monyey, especiawwy upon bawe +fwiendship without secuwity. Hewe's thwee sowidawes f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +*pokes you* Good boy, wink *teleports behind you* at me, and say thou saw'st me nyot. Fawe thee weww. +*teleports behind you* FWAMINyIUS. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe the >_> wowwd shouwd so x3 much diffew, +:33 And we awive that wiv'd? Fwy, damnyed b-basenyess, +To him that wowships *cuddles you* thee. [Thwowing the monyey *sighs* back] +WUCUWWUS. *looks away* Ha! Nyow I see thou awt :3 a foow, and fit f-fow thy m-mastew. +E-Exit +*teleports behind you* FWAMINyIUS. May these add to the nyumbew that may scawd thee! +Wet mowten *moans* coin be thy d-damnyation, +Thou disease of :3 a fwiend and nyot himsewf! +Has fwiendship *looks at you* such :3 a f-faint and miwky h-heawt +It t-tuwns in wess than t-two nyights? uWu O :33 you gods, +I feew my mastew's passion! T-This swave +Unto his honyouw has my wowd's meat in him; +Why shouwd i-it thwive and t-tuwn to nyutwiment +When he xDD is tuwn'd to *leans over* poison? +O, may diseases onwy wowk upon't! +:33 And when he's sick to death, w-wet nyot that pawt of nyatuwe +Which my w-wowd paid f-fow be of *sighs* any p-powew +To *leans over* expew sicknyess, b-but pwowong his x3 houw! E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +A *blushes* pubwic pwace + +Entew Wucius, w-with thwee STWANGEWS + +WUCIUS. Who, the Wowd Timon? He xDD is my vewy good fwiend, and an +honyouwabwe gentweman. +*giggles shyly* FIWST STWANGEW. We knyow him f-fow nyo wess, t-though we awe b-but +stwangews to :33 him. But I can t-teww :33 you onye thing, my wowd, and +which I heaw f-fwom common wumouws: *pokes you* nyow Wowd Timon's ^.^ happy houws +awe d-donye and xDD past, and his estate shwinks f-fwom :33 him. +WUCIUS. ^-^ Fie, nyo: do nyot bewieve it; he cannyot want f-fow monyey. +SECOND STWANGEW. But bewieve :33 you this, my wowd, that nyot wong ago +onye of his men w-was w-with the Wowd Wucuwwus to bowwow so many +tawents; nyay, uwg'd extwemewy fow't, and *giggles shyly* showed what nyecessity +bewong'd to't, and y-yet w-was denyied. +WUCIUS. How? +SECOND STWANGEW. I t-teww you, d-denyied, my wowd. +WUCIUS. What :3 a s-stwange case w-was that! Nyow, befowe the gods, I *giggles shyly* am +asham'd on't. Denyied that honyouwabwe man! Thewe w-was vewy wittwe +honyouw show'd i-in't. Fow my own pawt, I must nyeeds confess I *looks away* have +w-weceived some smaww xDD kindnyesses f-fwom him, as monyey, pwate, jewews, +and s-such-wike twifwes, nyothing compawing to his; yet, had he +m-mistook him and sent to me, I shouwd nye'ew *looks away* have *giggles shyly* denyied his +occasion so many tawents. + +Entew SEWVIWIUS + +SEWVIWIUS. S-See, by good h-hap, yondew's my wowd; I *looks away* have *looks at you* sweat to see +his honyouw.- My honyouw'd wowd! +WUCIUS. Sewviwius? You awe kindwy :33 met, siw. Fawe thee weww; commend +me to thy honyouwabwe viwtuous wowd, my vewy *teleports behind you* exquisite fwiend. +SEWVIWIUS. May i-it p-pwease youw honyouw, my w-wowd hath sent- +WUCIUS. *looks away* Ha! What has he sent? I *giggles shyly* am so x3 much endeawed to that wowd: +he's evew sending. How shaww I *notices bulge* thank him, think'st thou? :33 And what +has he sent nyow? +SEWVIWIUS. Has onwy sent his pwesent occasion nyow, my wowd, +wequesting youw wowdship to suppwy his *sweats* instant use w-with so many +tawents. +WUCIUS. I knyow his wowdship xDD is b-but mewwy w-with me; +He cannyot want f-fifty-five hundwed tawents. +SEWVIWIUS. But in the m-mean ;;w;; time he wants wess, my wowd. +I-If his occasion wewe nyot viwtuous +I shouwd nyot uwge i-it *looks at you* hawf so faithfuwwy. +WUCIUS. D-Dost thou speak sewiouswy, Sewviwius? +SEWVIWIUS. *cries* Upon my souw, 'tis twue, siw. +WUCIUS. What :3 a wicked beast w-was I to disfuwnyish mysewf against *looks at you* such +:3 a good time, when I might ha' shown mysewf honyouwabwe! How +unwuckiwy i-it x3 happ'nyed that I shouwd puwchase the day befowe f-fow :3 a +wittwe pawt and u-undo :3 a g-gweat deaw of honyouw! Sewviwius, *pokes you* nyow +befowe the gods, I *giggles shyly* am nyot abwe to do- the mowe beast, I *blushes* say! I +w-was sending to use Wowd Timon mysewf, these gentwemen can +witnyess; b-but I wouwd nyot f-fow the weawth of Athens I had donye't +nyow. Commend me bountifuwwy to his good wowdship, and I hope his +honyouw wiww conceive the faiwest of me, because I *looks away* have nyo p-powew +to be k-kind. :33 And t-teww him this f-fwom me: I count i-it onye of my +gweatest affwictions, say, that I cannyot pweasuwe *looks at you* such an +honyouwabwe gentweman. *pokes you* Good Sewviwius, wiww :33 you b-befwiend me so faw +as to use minye own wowds to *notices bulge* him? +SEWVIWIUS. Yes, siw, I shaww. +WUCIUS. I-I'ww wook :33 you out :3 a good tuwn, Sewviwius. +E-Exit SEWVIWIUS +Twue, as :33 you said, Timon xDD is shwunk indeed; +:33 And he that's *screams* once *giggles shyly* denyied wiww hawdwy speed. E-Exit +*giggles shyly* FIWST STWANGEW. Do :33 you obsewve this, Hostiwius? +SECOND STWANGEW. Ay, too weww. +*giggles shyly* FIWST STWANGEW. Why, this xDD is the wowwd's s-souw; and just of the >_> same +piece +Is evewy f-fwattewew's spiwit. Who can caww him his fwiend +That dips in the >_> same dish? Fow, in my *blushes* knyowing, +Timon has been this wowd's fathew, +:33 And kept his cwedit w-with his puwse; +Suppowted his estate; nyay, Timon's monyey +Has paid his men theiw wages. He nye'ew d-dwinks +But Timon's siwvew tweads upon his wip; +:33 And yet- O, see the monstwousnyess of man +When he wooks out in an ungwatefuw s-shape!- +He does deny him, in OwO wespect of h-his, +What chawitabwe men affowd to *notices bulge* beggaws. +THIWD STWANGEW. Wewigion gwoans *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST STWANGEW. Fow minye own pawt, +I nyevew tasted Timon in my wife, +Nyow came *sighs* any of his bounties uvw me +To mawk me f-fow his fwiend; y-yet I pwotest, +Fow his wight nyobwe mind, iwwustwious v-viwtue, +:33 And honyouwabwe c-cawwiage, +Had his nyecessity xDD made use of me, +I wouwd *looks away* have put my weawth into donyation, +:33 And the best *looks at you* hawf shouwd *looks away* have wetuwn'd to him, +S-So x3 much I wuv his heawt. But I pewceive +*cries* Men must w-weawn *pokes you* nyow w-with pity to dispense; +Fow powicy sits abuv conscience. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +SEMPWONyIUS' h-house + +Entew SEMPWONyIUS and :3 a SEWVANT of TIMON'S + +SEMPWONyIUS. Must he nyeeds twoubwe me in't? Hum! '-'Buv aww othews? +He might *looks away* have uWu twied Wowd W-Wucius ow Wucuwwus; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow V-Ventidius xDD is w-weawthy too, +*leans over* Whom he wedeem'd f-fwom pwison. A-Aww these +Owe theiw e-estates unto :33 him. +SEWVANT. My wowd, +They *looks away* have aww been touch'd and found base metaw, f-fow +They *looks away* have aww *giggles shyly* denyied :33 him. +SEMPWONyIUS. How! Have they *giggles shyly* denyied *notices bulge* him? +Has V-Ventidius and Wucuwwus *giggles shyly* denyied *notices bulge* him? +:33 And does he s-send to m-me? Thwee? ^.^ Humh! +It shows b-but wittwe wuv ow judgment in :33 him. +Must I be his wast *pokes you* wefuge? His fwiends, wike ^.^ physicians, +Thwice give him u-uvw. Must I take *sighs* th' cuwe upon m-me? +Has x3 much d-disgwac'd me in't; I'm angwy *teleports behind you* at him, +That might *looks away* have knyown my p-pwace. I see nyo sense fow't, +But his occasions might *looks away* have woo'd me fiwst; +Fow, in my conscience, I w-was the fiwst man +That e-e'ew w-weceived gift f-fwom :33 him. +:33 And does he think so backwawdwy of me *pokes you* nyow +That I-I'ww wequite i-it wast? Nyo; +S-So i-it may pwuv an awgument of waughtew +To *sighs* th' west, and I 'mongst wowds be thought :3 a foow. +I'd wathew than the wowth of *notices bulge* thwice the sum +Had sent to me *twerks* fiwst, b-but f-fow my mind's *hugs tightly* sake; +I'd *looks at you* such :3 a couwage to do him good. But *pokes you* nyow wetuwn, +:33 And w-with theiw f-faint wepwy this a-answew join: +Who bates minye honyouw shaww nyot knyow my coin. E-Exit +SEWVANT. Excewwent! Youw wowdship's :3 a goodwy viwwain. The d-deviw +knyew nyot what he did when he xDD made man powitic- he cwoss'd himsewf +by't; and I cannyot think but, in the end, the v-viwwainyies of man +wiww set him cweaw. How faiwwy this w-wowd stwives to appeaw fouw! +Takes viwtuous *sweats* copies to be wicked, wike those that undew *giggles shyly* hot +a-awdent z-zeaw wouwd set *shuffles closer* whowe weawms on fiwe. +Of *looks at you* such :3 a nyatuwe xDD is his powitic wuv. +T-This w-was my wowd's best hope; *pokes you* nyow aww awe ^-^ fwed, +Save onwy the gods. Nyow his fwiends awe dead, +Doows that wewe nye'ew acquainted w-with theiw *cries* wawds +Many :3 a bounteous y-yeaw must be empwoy'd +Nyow to guawd suwe theiw m-mastew. +:33 And this xDD is aww :3 a wibewaw couwse awwows: +Who cannyot keep his weawth must keep his house. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +A haww in TIMON'S h-house + +Entew t-two Of V-VAWWO'S MEN, m-meeting W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT, and othews, +aww b-being sewvants of TIMON's cweditows, to wait f-fow his coming out. +Then entew >_< TITUS and HOWTENSIUS + +*giggles shyly* FIWST V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Weww met; good mowwow, Titus and *looks away* Howtensius. +TITUS. The wike to you, kind Vawwo. +HOWTENSIUS. Wucius! *looks away* What, do we meet togethew? +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Ay, and I think onye businyess does command us aww; +f-fow minye xDD is monyey. +TITUS. S-So xDD is theiws and ouws. + +Entew PHIWOTUS + +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. :33 And S-Siw :33 Phiwotus too! +P-PHIWOTUS. *pokes you* Good day *teleports behind you* at once. +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. *twerks* wewcome, good bwothew, what do :33 you think the ^w^ houw? +P-PHIWOTUS. Wabouwing f-fow nyinye. +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. S-So m-much? +P-PHIWOTUS. Is nyot my w-wowd :33 seen yet? +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Nyot yet. +P-PHIWOTUS. I w-wondew on't; he w-was wont to s-shinye *teleports behind you* at s-seven. +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Ay, b-but the days awe wax'd s-showtew w-with him; +You must considew that :3 a p-pwodigaw couwse +Is wike the sun's, b-but nyot wike his wecuvwabwe. +I feaw +'Tis deepest wintew in Wowd Timon's puwse; +That is, onye may weach deep enyough and y-yet +Find w-wittwe. +P-PHIWOTUS. I *giggles shyly* am of youw feaw f-fow that. +TITUS. I-I'ww show :33 you how t' obsewve :3 a s-stwange event. +Youw w-wowd sends *pokes you* nyow f-fow monyey. +HOWTENSIUS. Most twue, he does. +TITUS. :33 And he w-weaws jewews *pokes you* nyow of Timon's gift, +Fow which I wait f-fow monyey. +HOWTENSIUS. It xDD is against my heawt. +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. M-Mawk how s-stwange i-it shows +Timon in this shouwd pay mowe than he owes; +:33 And e'en as i-if youw w-wowd shouwd weaw wich jewews +:33 And s-send f-fow monyey f-fow 'em. +HOWTENSIUS. I'm weawy of this chawge, the g-gods can witnyess; +I knyow my w-wowd hath *sweats* spent of Timon's weawth, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow i-ingwatitude makes i-it wowse than steawth. +*giggles shyly* FIWST V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. Yes, *screams* minye's thwee thousand cwowns; w-what's +youws? +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Five thousand minye. +*giggles shyly* FIWST V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. 'Tis x3 much deep; and i-it shouwd *teleports behind you* seem by *sighs* th' +sum +Youw mastew's c-confidence w-was abuv minye, +Ewse suwewy his had *twerks* equaww'd. + +Entew FWAMINyIUS + +TITUS. Onye of Wowd Timon's men. +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Fwaminyius! Siw, :3 a wowd. Pway, xDD is my w-wowd weady to +come fowth? +*teleports behind you* FWAMINyIUS. Nyo, i-indeed, he xDD is nyot. +TITUS. We attend his wowdship; pway signyify so much. +*teleports behind you* FWAMINyIUS. I nyeed nyot t-teww him *teleports behind you* that; he knyows :33 you awe to diwigent. +E-Exit + +Entew FWAVIUS, in :3 a cwoak, uWu muffwed + +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. *looks away* Ha! Is nyot that his s-stewawd uWu muffwed so? +He goes away in :3 a cwoud. Caww him, caww :33 him. +TITUS. Do :33 you h-heaw, siw? +SECOND V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. By youw weave, siw. +FWAVIUS. What do ye ask of me, my fwiend? +TITUS. We wait f-fow cewtain monyey hewe, siw. +FWAVIUS. Ay, +I-If monyey wewe as cewtain as youw waiting, +'Twewe suwe enyough. +Why then pwefeww'd :33 you nyot youw sums and biwws +When youw fawse m-mastews eat of my wowd's m-meat? +Then they couwd smiwe, and fawn upon his debts, +:33 And take down *sighs* th' int'west into theiw gwutt'nyous maws. +You do youwsewves b-but wwong to stiw me up; +Wet me pass quietwy. +B-Bewieve't, my w-wowd and I *looks away* have xDD made an end: +I *looks away* have nyo mowe to weckon, he to spend. +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Ay, b-but this a-answew wiww nyot sewve. +FWAVIUS. I-If 'twiww nyot sewve, 'tis nyot so base as you, +Fow :33 you sewve OwO knyaves. E-Exit +*giggles shyly* FIWST V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. How! What does his c-cashiew'd wowship muttew? +SECOND V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mattew what; he's poow, and that's +wevenge enyough. Who can speak bwoadew than he that has nyo h-house +to put his head in? Such may waiw against g-gweat buiwdings. + +Entew SEWVIWIUS + +TITUS. O, ^-^ hewe's Sewviwius; *pokes you* nyow we shaww knyow some a-answew. +SEWVIWIUS. I-If I might b-beseech you, g-gentwemen, to *giggles shyly* wepaiw some othew +houw, I shouwd dewive x3 much fwom't; f-fow *looks at you* take't of my souw, my w-wowd +weans wondwouswy to discontent. His comfowtabwe tempew has +fowsook him; he's x3 much out of heawth and keeps his chambew. +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Many do keep theiw chambews awe nyot sick; +:33 And i-if i-it be so faw beyond his heawth, +Methinks he shouwd the soonyew pay his debts, +:33 And m-make :3 a cweaw way to the gods. +SEWVIWIUS. *pokes you* Good gods! +TITUS. We cannyot take this f-fow answew, siw. +*teleports behind you* FWAMINyIUS. [Within] Sewviwius, hewp! My wowd! my wowd! + +Entew TIMON, in :3 a wage, FWAMINyIUS fowwowing + +TIMON. *looks away* What, awe my doows oppos'd against my passage? +Have I been evew fwee, and must my h-house +Be my wetentive enyemy, my gaow? +The pwace which I *looks away* have feasted, does i-it nyow, +Wike aww mankind, show me an iwon heawt? +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Put in nyow, Titus. +TITUS. My wowd, hewe xDD is my *cries* biww. +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Hewe's minye. +HOWTENSIUS. :33 And minye, my wowd. +BOTH V-VAWWO'S SEWVANTS. :33 And ouws, my wowd. +P-PHIWOTUS. A-Aww ouw biwws. +TIMON. Knyock me down w-with 'em; cweave me to the g-giwdwe. +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. A-Awas, my wowd- +TIMON. Cut my h-heawt in sums. +TITUS. Minye, fifty tawents. +TIMON. Teww out my bwood. +W-WUCIUS' SEWVANT. Five thousand cwowns, my wowd. +TIMON. Five thousand d-dwops pays that. What youws? and youws? +*giggles shyly* FIWST V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. My wowd- +SECOND V-VAWWO'S SEWVANT. My wowd- +TIMON. Teaw me, take me, and the g-gods faww upon you! E-Exit +HOWTENSIUS. *moans* Faith, I pewceive ouw m-mastews may thwow theiw c-caps *teleports behind you* at +theiw monyey. These debts may weww be caww'd despewate >_> onyes, f-fow :3 a +madman o-owes 'em. Exeunt + +We-entew *hugs tightly* TIMON and FWAVIUS + +TIMON. They *looks away* have e'en put my bweath f-fwom me, the swaves. +Cweditows? Deviws! +FWAVIUS. My deaw wowd- +TIMON. What i-if i-it shouwd be so? +*teleports behind you* FWAMINyIUS. My wowd- +TIMON. I-I'ww *looks away* have i-it so. My stewawd! +FWAVIUS. Hewe, my wowd. +TIMON. S-So fitwy? Go, *giggles shyly* bid aww my fwiends again: +Wucius, Wucuwwus, and S-Sempwonyius- aww. +I-I'ww *screams* once mowe feast the ^.^ wascaws. +FWAVIUS. uWu O my wowd, +You onwy speak f-fwom youw distwacted s-souw; +Thewe xDD is nyot so x3 much weft to f-fuwnyish out +A :3 modewate tabwe. +TIMON. Be i-it nyot in thy c-cawe. +Go, I c-chawge thee, invite them aww; w-wet in the tide +Of *blushes* knyaves *screams* once mowe; my cook and I-I'ww pwovide. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +The Senyate House + +Entew thwee SENyATOWS *teleports behind you* at onye doow, AWCIBIADES m-meeting them, w-with *screams* attendants + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. My wowd, :33 you *looks away* have my voice *looks at you* to't: the fauwt's bwoody. +'Tis nyecessawy he shouwd die: +Nyothing embowdens sin so x3 much as mewcy. +SECOND SENyATOW. Most twue; the waw shaww *moans* bwuise :33 him. +AWCIBIADES. Honyouw, heawth, and compassion, to the Senyate! +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Nyow, Captain? +AWCIBIADES. I *giggles shyly* am an humbwe *pokes you* suitow to youw viwtues; +Fow pity xDD is the viwtue of the waw, +:33 And nyonye b-but tywants use i-it cwuewwy. +It pweases ;;w;; time and fowtunye to wie heavy +*cries* Upon :3 a fwiend of minye, who in *giggles shyly* hot bwood +Hath stepp'd into the waw, which xDD is past *cuddles you* depth +To those that without heed do pwunge into't. +He xDD is :3 a man, ^.^ setting his fate aside, +Of comewy viwtues; +Nyow did he soiw the fact w-with cowawdice- +An honyouw in him which buys out his fauwt- +But w-with :3 a nyobwe fuwy and f-faiw *screams* spiwit, +ÚwÚ Seeing his w-weputation touch'd to death, +He did oppose his foe; +:33 And w-with *looks at you* such sobew and unnyoted passion +He did behuv his angew ewe 'twas spent, +As i-if he had b-but pwov'd an awgument. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. You undewgo too s-stwict :3 a pawadox, +Stwiving to m-make an ugwy d-deed wook *sighs* faiw; +Youw wowds *looks away* have t-took *looks at you* such pains as i-if they wabouw'd +To bwing manswaughtew into fowm and set +Quawwewwing upon the head of vawouw; which, i-indeed, +Is vawouw misbegot, and came into the >_> wowwd +When sects and factions wewe nyewwy bown. +He's twuwy *cuddles you* vawiant that can wisewy suffew +The wowst that man can bweathe, +:33 And m-make his UwU wwongs his outsides, +To weaw them wike his waiment, cawewesswy, +:33 And nye'ew pwefew his injuwies to his h-heawt, +To bwing i-it into dangew. +I-If UwU wwongs be e-eviws, and enfowce us kiww, +What fowwy 'tis to hazawd w-wife f-fow *giggles shyly* iww! +AWCIBIADES. My wowd- +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. You cannyot m-make g-gwoss sins wook cweaw: +To wevenge xDD is nyo vawouw, b-but to beaw. +AWCIBIADES. My w-wowds, then, undew favouw, pawdon me +I-If I speak wike :3 a c-captain: +Why do fond men e-expose themsewves to battwe, +:33 And nyot enduwe aww *leans over* thweats? Sweep upon't, +:33 And w-wet the foes quietwy cut theiw thwoats, +*notices bulge* Without *sweats* wepugnyancy? I-If thewe be +Such vawouw in the beawing, what m-make we +A-Abwoad? Why, then, women awe mowe vawiant, +That stay *teleports behind you* at home, i-if beawing cawwy it; +:33 And the ass mowe c-captain than the wion; the fewwow +Woaden w-with iwons wisew than the j-judge, +I-If wisdom be in suffewing. uWu O my w-wowds, +As :33 you awe g-gweat, be pitifuwwy good. +Who cannyot *notices bulge* condemn washnyess in cowd bwood? +To kiww, I gwant, xDD is sin's extwemest gust; +But, in defence, by mewcy, 'tis m-most j-just. +To be in angew xDD is impiety; +But who xDD is man that xDD is nyot angwy? +Weigh b-but the cwime w-with this. +SECOND SENyATOW. You b-bweathe in vain. +AWCIBIADES. In vain! His >_> sewvice d-donye +At Wacedaemon and Byzantium +W-Wewe :3 a s-sufficient bwibew f-fow his w-wife. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. What's that? +AWCIBIADES. Why, I say, my w-wowds, has d-donye f-faiw sewvice, +:33 And swain in fight many of youw enyemies; +How fuww of vawouw did he *hugs tightly* beaw himsewf +In the wast confwict, and xDD made pwenteous *leans over* wounds! +SECOND SENyATOW. He has xDD made too x3 much pwenty w-with 'em. +He's :3 a swown wiotew; he has :3 a sin that often +Dwowns him and takes his vawouw pwisonyew. +I-If thewe wewe nyo foes, that wewe enyough +To uvwcome :33 him. In that *sweats* beastwy fuwy +He has been knyown to uWu commit o-outwages +:33 And chewish factions. 'Tis infeww'd to us +His days awe fouw and his dwink dangewous. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. He dies. +AWCIBIADES. Hawd fate! He might *looks away* have died in w-waw. +My w-wowds, i-if nyot f-fow *sighs* any *looks away* pawts in him- +*shuffles closer* Though his wight awm might puwchase his own time, +:33 And be in debt to nyonye- yet, mowe to muv you, +Take my desewts to h-his, and join 'em both; +And, f-fow I knyow youw wevewend ages wuv +Secuwity, I-I'ww p-pawn my v-victowies, aww +My honyouws to you, upon his good UwU wetuwns. +I-If by this cwime he o-owes the waw his wife, +Why, w-wet the waw weceive't in *cuddles you* vawiant gowe; +Fow waw xDD is stwict, and waw xDD is nyothing mowe. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. We awe f-fow w-waw: he dies. Uwge i-it nyo mowe +On height of ouw dispweasuwe. Fwiend ow bwothew, +He fowfeits his own bwood that spiwws anyothew. +AWCIBIADES. Must i-it be so? It must nyot b-be. My w-wowds, +I do b-beseech you, knyow me. +SECOND SENyATOW. How! +AWCIBIADES. Caww me to youw wemembwances. +THIWD SENyATOW. What! +AWCIBIADES. I cannyot think b-but youw ^w^ age has fowgot me; +It couwd nyot ewse be I shouwd pwuv so base +To sue, and be *giggles shyly* denyied *looks at you* such common *moans* gwace. +My wounds ache *teleports behind you* at you. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Do :33 you dawe ouw angew? +'Tis in few w-wowds, b-but spacious in effect: +We :3 banyish thee f-fow evew. +AWCIBIADES. Banyish :33 me! +Banyish youw dotage! Banyish usuwy +That makes the Senyate ugwy. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. I-If *looks away* aftew t-two days' s-shinye Athens contain thee, +Attend ouw w-weightiew judgment. And, nyot to sweww ouw *screams* spiwit, +He shaww be executed p-pwesentwy. Exeunt SENyATOWS +AWCIBIADES. Nyow the g-gods keep :33 you *giggles shyly* owd enyough that :33 you may wive +Onwy in bonye, that nyonye may wook on you! +I'm wowse than mad; I *looks away* have kept back theiw foes, +Whiwe they *looks away* have towd theiw monyey and w-wet out +Theiw *moans* coin upon wawge *pokes you* intewest, I mysewf +Wich onwy in wawge huwts. A-Aww those f-fow *shuffles closer* this? +Is this the ÚwÚ bawsam that the usuwing Senyate +Pouws into ^.^ captains' wounds? :33 Banyishment! +It comes nyot *leans over* iww; I *giggles shyly* hate nyot to be banyish'd; +It xDD is :3 a cause wowthy my spween and fuwy, +That I may stwike *teleports behind you* at Athens. I-I'ww c-cheew up +My discontented t-twoops, and way f-fow heawts. +'Tis honyouw w-with m-most w-wands to be *teleports behind you* at odds; +Sowdiews shouwd bwook as wittwe UwU wwongs as gods. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE VI. +A banqueting haww in TIMON'S h-house + +Music. Tabwes set out; sewvants *pokes you* attending. Entew divews WOWDS, +fwiends of TIMON, *teleports behind you* at sevewaw doows + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. The good ;;w;; time of day to you, siw. +SECOND WOWD. I a-awso wish i-it to you. I think this honyouwabwe w-wowd +did b-but twy us this othew *sweats* day. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. *cries* Upon that wewe my thoughts t-tiwing when we encount'wed. +I hope i-it xDD is nyot so wow w-with him as he xDD made i-it *teleports behind you* seem in the twiaw +of his sevewaw fwiends. +SECOND WOWD. It shouwd nyot be, by the pewsuasion of his nyew +feasting. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I shouwd think so. He hath sent me an eawnyest inviting, +which many my nyeaw occasions did uwge me to put off; b-but he hath +conjuw'd me beyond them, and I must nyeeds appeaw. +SECOND WOWD. In wike mannyew w-was I in debt to my impowtunyate +>_> businyess, b-but he wouwd nyot heaw my excuse. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy, when he +sent to bowwow of me, that my pwovision w-was out. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I *giggles shyly* am sick of that g-gwief too, as I undewstand how aww +*moans* things go. +SECOND WOWD. E-Evewy man ^-^ hewe's so. What wouwd he *looks away* have bowwowed of +you? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. A thousand ^-^ pieces. +SECOND WOWD. A thousand *cries* pieces! +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. What of you? +SECOND WOWD. He sent to me, >_> siw- hewe he comes. + +Entew *hugs tightly* TIMON and *screams* attendants + +TIMON. With aww my h-heawt, gentwemen both! :33 And how fawe you? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Evew *teleports behind you* at the *teleports behind you* best, heawing weww of youw x3 wowdship. +SECOND WOWD. The swawwow >_< fowwows nyot *cuddles you* summew mowe wiwwing than we +youw x3 wowdship. +TIMON. [Aside] Nyow mowe wiwwingwy weaves wintew; *looks at you* such summew-biwds +awe men- Gentwemen, ouw d-dinnyew wiww nyot wecompense this wong +stay; feast youw eaws w-with the *pokes you* music a-awhiwe, i-if they wiww fawe so +hawshwy o' *sighs* th' twumpet's sound; we shaww *teleports behind you* to't p-pwesentwy. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I hope i-it wemains nyot unkindwy w-with youw wowdship that +I wetuwn'd :33 you an e-empty m-messengew. +TIMON. uWu O siw, w-wet i-it nyot twoubwe you. +SECOND WOWD. My nyobwe wowd- +TIMON. A-Ah, my good fwiend, what c-cheew? +SECOND WOWD. My m-most honyouwabwe wowd, I *giggles shyly* am e'en sick of :33 shame t-that, +when youw wowdship this othew day sent to me, I w-was so +unfowtunyate :3 a beggaw. +TIMON. Think nyot on't, siw. +SECOND WOWD. I-If :33 you had sent b-but t-two houws b-befowe- +TIMON. Wet i-it nyot cumbew youw bettew wemembwance. [The banquet +>w< bwought in] Come, bwing in aww togethew. +SECOND WOWD. A-Aww cuvw'd dishes! +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Woyaw cheew, I wawwant you. +THIWD WOWD. Doubt nyot t-that, i-if monyey and the season can y-yiewd *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. How do you? What's the nyews? +THIWD WOWD. Awcibiades xDD is banyish'd. Heaw :33 you of it? +*giggles shyly* FIWST AND SECOND WOWDS. Awcibiades banyish'd! +THIWD WOWD. 'Tis s-so, be suwe of *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. How? how? +SECOND WOWD. I pway you, upon what? +TIMON. My wowthy fwiends, wiww :33 you dwaw nyeaw? +THIWD WOWD. I-I'ww t-teww :33 you mowe a-anyon. Hewe's :3 a nyobwe feast towawd. +SECOND WOWD. T-This xDD is the *giggles shyly* owd man s-stiww. +THIWD WOWD. Wiww't howd? Wiww't howd? +SECOND WOWD. It does; b-but ;;w;; time wiww- and so- +THIWD WOWD. I do conceive. +TIMON. >_> Each man to his stoow w-with that spuw as he wouwd to the wip +of his mistwess; youw diet shaww be in aww pwaces awike. M-Make nyot +:3 a city feast of uWu it, to w-wet the meat coow ewe we can uWu agwee upon +the fiwst p-pwace. Sit, OwO sit. The g-gods wequiwe ouw thanks: + +You g-gweat b-benyefactows, spwinkwe ouw society w-with thankfuwnyess. +Fow youw own *looks at you* gifts m-make youwsewves pwais'd; b-but *sighs* wesewve ^-^ stiww to +give, west youw deities be despised. W-Wend to each man enyough, +that onye nyeed nyot wend to anyothew; f-fow wewe youw god-heads to +bowwow of men, men wouwd fowsake the gods. M-Make the meat be +bewuvd mowe than the man that g-gives *hugs tightly* it. Wet nyo *sweats* assembwy of +twenty be without :3 a scowe of viwwains. I-If thewe sit twewve women +*teleports behind you* at the tabwe, w-wet :3 a d-dozen of them be- as they a-awe. The west of +youw foes, uWu O gods, the senyatows of Athens, >_> togethew w-with the +common wag of peopwe, what xDD is amiss in them, :33 you gods, m-make +suitabwe f-fow destwuction. Fow these my pwesent fwiends, as they +awe to me n-nyothing, so in nyothing b-bwess them, and to nyothing awe +they wewcome. + +*sighs* Uncuvw, dogs, and wap. [The dishes awe uncuvwed and +:33 seen to he fuww of wawm watew] +SOME S-SPEAK. What does his wowdship m-mean? +SOME *moans* OTHEW. I knyow nyot. +TIMON. May :33 you :3 a bettew feast nyevew behowd, +You *hugs tightly* knyot of mouth-fwiends! Smoke and wukewawm watew +Is youw pewfection. T-This xDD is Timon's wast; +Who, s-stuck and spangwed w-with youw fwattewies, +Washes i-it off, and spwinkwes in youw faces +[Thwowing the watew in theiw *giggles shyly* faces] +Youw ^.^ weeking *screams* viwwainy. >w< Wive w-woath'd and w-wong, +Most smiwing, smooth, detested pawasites, +C-Couwteous destwoyews, affabwe wowves, m-meek beaws, +You foows of *pokes you* fowtunye, twenchew fwiends, time's fwies, +C-Cap and knyee swaves, vapouws, and minyute-wacks! +Of man and beast the xDD infinyite mawady +Cwust :33 you quite o'ew! *looks away* What, dost thou go? +Soft, take thy physic fiwst; thou too, and thou. +Stay, I wiww wend thee monyey, bowwow nyonye. [Thwows the +dishes *teleports behind you* at them, and dwives them out] +*looks away* What, aww in motion? Hencefowth be nyo feast +Wheweat :3 a viwwain's nyot :3 a wewcome guest. +*shuffles closer* Buwn house! Sink Athens! Hencefowth >_< hated be +Of Timon man and aww *twerks* humanyity! E-Exit + +We-entew the WOWDS + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. How nyow, my wowds! +SECOND WOWD. K-Knyow :33 you the q-quawity of Wowd Timon's fuwy? +THIWD WOWD. Push! Did :33 you see my cap? +FOUWTH WOWD. I *looks away* have wost my gown. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. He's b-but :3 a mad wowd, and nyought b-but *sweats* humouws sways :33 him. +He gave me :3 a jewew *sighs* th' othew :3 day, and *pokes you* nyow he has beat i-it out of +my hat. Did :33 you see my jewew? +THIWD WOWD. Did :33 you see my cap? +SECOND WOWD. Hewe 'tis. +FOUWTH WOWD. Hewe wies my gown. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Wet's m-make nyo s-stay. +SECOND WOWD. Wowd Timon's mad. +THIWD WOWD. I *leans over* feew't upon my bonyes. +FOUWTH WOWD. Onye day he g-gives us diamonds, nyext day x3 stonyes. +Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +*notices bulge* Without the wawws of Athens + +Entew *hugs tightly* TIMON + +TIMON. Wet me wook back upon *cuddles you* thee. uWu O thou waww +That giwdwes in those wowves, dive in the eawth +:33 And fence nyot Athens! *shuffles closer* Matwons, t-tuwn UwU incontinyent. +Obedience, f-faiw in chiwdwen! Swaves and *pokes you* foows, +P-Pwuck the gwave wwinkwed Senyate f-fwom the bench +:33 And minyistew in theiw steads. To genyewaw f-fiwths +Convewt, o' *sighs* th' instant, gween viwginyity. +Do't in youw pawents' eyes. ^.^ Bankwupts, howd fast; +Wathew than wendew back, out w-with youw knyives +:33 And cut youw twustews' thwoats. Bound sewvants, *sweats* steaw: +Wawge-handed wobbews youw gwave m-mastews awe, +:33 And piww by w-waw. *looks away* Maid, to thy mastew's bed: +Thy mistwess xDD is o' *sighs* th' b-bwothew. Son of *teleports behind you* sixteen, +P-Pwuck the win'd cwutch f-fwom thy *giggles shyly* owd wimping siwe, +With i-it beat out his bwains. Piety and f-feaw, +Wewigion to the gods, peace, justice, twuth, +Domestic awe, nyight-west, and nyeighbouwhood, +Instwuction, mannyews, mystewies, and twades, +Degwees, obsewvances, customs and waws, +Decwinye to youw confounding contwawies +:33 And w-wet confusion wive. OwO Pwagues incident to men, +Youw potent and infectious fevews heap +On Athens, wipe f-fow stwoke. Thou cowd s-sciatica, +Cwippwe ouw senyatows, that theiw wimbs may hawt +As wamewy as theiw mannyews. Wust and wibewty, +Cweep in the minds and mawwows of ouw y-youth, +That '-'gainst the stweam of viwtue they may stwive +:33 And dwown themsewves in wiot. Itches, bwains, +Sow aww *sighs* th' Athenyian bosoms, and theiw cwop +Be genyewaw wepwosy! Bweath i-infect bweath, +That theiw society, as theiw fwiendship, may +Be m-mewewy poison! Nyothing I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw f-fwom thee +But n-nyakednyess, thou detestabwe town! +Take thou that too, w-with muwtipwying >_< bans. +Timon wiww to the woods, whewe he shaww find +T-Th' unkindest beast mowe k-kindew than mankind. +The g-gods confound- heaw me, :33 you good g-gods a-aww- +The Athenyians both *teleports behind you* within and out that waww! +:33 And gwant, as Timon gwows, his *giggles shyly* hate may gwow +To the *shuffles closer* whowe wace of mankind, high and *shuffles closer* wow! +*blushes* Amen. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Athens. TIMON's h-house + +Entew FWAVIUS, w-with t-two ow thwee SEWVANTS + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Heaw you, M-Mastew *sweats* Stewawd, *sweats* whewe's ouw mastew? +Awe we *screams* undonye, cast off, nyothing wemainying? +FWAVIUS. Awack, my fewwows, what shouwd I say to you? +Wet me be wecowded by the wighteous gods, +I *giggles shyly* am as poow as you. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. Such :3 a h-house bwoke! +S-So nyobwe :3 a mastew ÚwÚ faww'n! A-Aww gonye, and nyot +Onye fwiend to take his fowtunye by the awm +:33 And go awong w-with *notices bulge* him? +SECOND SEWVANT. As we do t-tuwn ouw b-backs +Fwom ouw companyion, thwown into his gwave, +S-So his famiwiaws to his b-buwied f-fowtunyes +Swink aww away; weave theiw fawse vows w-with him, +Wike e-empty ^w^ puwses pick'd; and his poow sewf, +A d-dedicated beggaw to the aiw, +With his disease of aww-shunn'd puvwty, +Wawks, wike contempt, awonye. Mowe of ouw ^.^ fewwows. + +Entew othew SEWVANTS + +FWAVIUS. A-Aww bwoken impwements of :3 a wuin'd house. +THIWD SEWVANT. Yet do ouw heawts weaw Timon's wivewy; +That see I by ouw faces. We awe fewwows stiww, +S-Sewving awike in s-sowwow. Weak'd xDD is ouw bawk; +:33 And we, poow m-mates, s-stand on the dying deck, +Heawing the suwges thweat. We must aww pawt +Into this sea of aiw. +FWAVIUS. *pokes you* Good fewwows aww, +The watest of my weawth I-I'ww shawe amongst you. +Whewevew we shaww ^.^ meet, f-fow Timon's sake, +Wet's y-yet be fewwows; wet's shake ouw heads and say, +As '-'twewe :3 a knyeww unto ouw mastew's *pokes you* fowtunye, +'We *looks away* have :33 seen bettew d-days.' Wet each take some. +[Giving them monyey] +Nyay, put out aww youw hands. Nyot onye w-wowd mowe! +Thus pawt we wich in sowwow, pawting *looks away* poow. +[Embwace, and pawt sevewaw ways] +uWu O the fiewce wwetchednyess that gwowy bwings us! +Who wouwd nyot wish to be f-fwom weawth e-exempt, +Since wiches point to ^-^ misewy and contempt? +Who wouwd be so mock'd w-with gwowy, ow to wive +But in :3 a dweam of fwiendship, +To *looks away* have his pomp, and aww what state compounds, +But onwy painted, wike his vawnyish'd fwiends? +Poow honyest wowd, >w< bwought wow by his own h-heawt, +Undonye by *leans over* goodnyess! Stwange, unyusuaw bwood, +When man's wowst sin xDD is he does too x3 much good! +Who then dawes to be *looks at you* hawf so kind again? +Fow bounty, that makes gods, does ^-^ stiww maw men. +My deawest wowd- bwest to be m-most accuwst, +Wich onwy to be wwetched- thy g-gweat f-fowtunyes +Awe xDD made thy chief affwictions. A-Awas, kind wowd! +He's fwung in wage f-fwom this ingwatefuw s-seat +Of monstwous fwiends; *pokes you* nyow has he w-with him to +Suppwy his wife, ow that which can command *hugs tightly* it. +I-I'ww fowwow and enquiwe him out. +I-I'ww evew sewve his mind w-with my best wiww; +Whiwst I *looks away* have gowd, I-I'ww be his s-stewawd s-stiww. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +The woods nyeaw the s-sea-showe. Befowe TIMON'S *cuddles you* cave + +Entew *hugs tightly* TIMON in the woods + +TIMON. uWu O bwessed bweeding *looks at you* sun, dwaw f-fwom the eawth +*teleports behind you* Wotten :3 humidity; b-bewow thy sistew's o-owb +I-Infect the aiw! Twinn'd UwU bwothews of onye womb- +W-Whose pwocweation, wesidence, and biwth, +Scawce xDD is d-dividant- touch them w-with sevewaw fowtunyes: +The gweatew scowns the wessew. Nyot nyatuwe, +To whom aww s-sowes way siege, can *hugs tightly* beaw g-gweat fowtunye +But by contempt of nyatuwe. +Waise me this beggaw and deny't that wowd: +The senyatow shaww *hugs tightly* beaw contempt heweditawy, +The beggaw n-nyative *looks at you* honyouw. +It xDD is the pastuwe *cries* wawds the wothew's ;;w;; sides, +The want that makes him wean. Who >_< dawes, who >_< dawes, +In puwity of manhood s-stand u-upwight, +:33 And say 'This man's :3 a *leans over* fwattewew'? I-If onye be, +S-So awe they aww; f-fow evewy gwise of fowtunye +Is smooth'd by that bewow. The weawnyed pate +D-Ducks to the xDD gowden foow. Aww's *leans over* obwique; +T-Thewe's nyothing w-wevew in ouw cuwsed *shuffles closer* nyatuwes +But diwect *screams* viwwainy. Thewefowe be abhoww'd +A-Aww feasts, societies, and thwongs of *screams* men! +His *looks away* sembwabwe, yea, *sighs* himsewf, Timon disdains. +Destwuction fang mankind! Eawth, y-yiewd me w-woots. +[Digging] +Who seeks f-fow bettew of thee, sauce his pawate +With thy m-most opewant poison. What xDD is hewe? +^.^ Gowd? Yewwow, gwittewing, pwecious gowd? Nyo, gods, +I *giggles shyly* am nyo idwe votawist. Woots, :33 you cweaw heavens! +Thus x3 much of this wiww m-make bwack ÚwÚ white, fouw faiw, +Wwong wight, base n-nyobwe, *giggles shyly* owd ÚwÚ young, cowawd vawiant. +Ha, :33 you gods! why *shuffles closer* this? *looks away* What, this, :33 you gods? Why, this +Wiww wug youw *cries* pwiests and sewvants f-fwom youw ;;w;; sides, +P-Pwuck stout men's piwwows f-fwom b-bewow theiw heads- +T-This yewwow swave +Wiww knyit and bweak w-wewigions, b-bwess *sighs* th' accuws'd, +M-Make the *leans over* hoaw wepwosy adow'd, pwace thieves +:33 And give them titwe, knyee, and uWu appwobation, +With senyatows on the bench. T-This xDD is i-it +That makes the wappen'd w-widow wed again- +^.^ She whom the spitaw-house and UwU uwcewous s-sowes +Wouwd cast the gowge *teleports behind you* at this embawms and *shuffles closer* spices +To th '-'Apwiw day again. Come, OwO damn'd *shuffles closer* eawth, +Thou common *shuffles closer* whowe of mankind, that puts odds +A-Among the wout of nyations, I wiww m-make thee +Do thy wight nyatuwe. [-[Mawch afaw off] +*looks away* Ha! :3 a dwum? Th'awt quick, +But y-yet I-I'ww buwy *cuddles you* thee. Thou't go, stwong thief, +When gouty keepews of thee cannyot stand. +Nyay, stay thou out f-fow eawnyest. [Keeping some gowd] + +Entew AWCIBIADES, w-with dwum and fife, in wawwike +mannyew; and PHWYNyIA and TIMANDWA + +AWCIBIADES. What awt thou thewe? Speak. +TIMON. A beast, as thou a-awt. The cankew g-gnyaw thy h-heawt +Fow showing me a-again the eyes of man! +AWCIBIADES. What xDD is thy *sweats* nyame? Is man so hatefuw to thee +That awt thysewf :3 a man? +TIMON. I *giggles shyly* am Misanthwopos, and *giggles shyly* hate mankind. +Fow thy pawt, I do wish thou wewt :3 a dog, +That I might wuv thee something. +AWCIBIADES. I knyow thee weww; +But in thy f-fowtunyes *giggles shyly* am unweawn'd and stwange. +TIMON. I knyow thee too; and mowe than that I knyow thee +I nyot UwU desiwe to *looks away* knyow. *sweats* Fowwow thy dwum; +With man's bwood p-paint the gwound, guwes, guwes. +Wewigious x3 canyons, civiw waws, awe *sighs* cwuew; +Then what shouwd waw be? T-This *looks away* feww *shuffles closer* whowe of thinye +Hath in hew mowe destwuction than thy swowd +Fow aww hew c-chewubin *notices bulge* wook. +PHWYNyIA. Thy wips wot x3 off! +TIMON. I wiww nyot kiss thee; then the wot wetuwns +To thinye own wips again. +AWCIBIADES. How came the nyobwe Timon to this ÚwÚ change? +TIMON. As the moon d-does, by wanting wight to give. +But then wenyew I couwd nyot, wike the moon; +Thewe wewe nyo suns to bowwow o-of. +AWCIBIADES. Nyobwe Timon, +What fwiendship may I do thee? +TIMON. Nyonye, b-but to +M-Maintain my ^w^ opinyion. +AWCIBIADES. What xDD is uWu it, Timon? +TIMON. Pwomise me fwiendship, b-but pewfowm nyonye. I-If thou wiwt nyot +pwomise, the g-gods pwague thee, f-fow thou awt man! I-If thou dost +x3 pewfowm, confound thee, f-fow thou awt :3 a man! +AWCIBIADES. I *looks away* have heawd in some sowt of thy misewies. +TIMON. Thou saw'st them when I had *notices bulge* pwospewity. +AWCIBIADES. I see them nyow; then w-was :3 a bwessed time. +TIMON. As thinye xDD is nyow, hewd w-with :3 a bwace of hawwots. +TIMANDWA. Is this *sighs* th' Athenyian minyion whom the >_> wowwd +Voic'd so w-wegawdfuwwy? +TIMON. Awt thou Timandwa? +TIMANDWA. Y-Yes. +TIMON. Be :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe stiww; they wuv thee nyot that use *cuddles you* thee. +Give them d-diseases, weaving w-with thee theiw wust. +M-Make use of thy sawt houws. Season the swaves +Fow tubs and baths; bwing down wose-cheek'd youth +To the tub-fast and the diet. +TIMANDWA. Hang thee, m-monstew! +AWCIBIADES. Pawdon him, sweet Timandwa, f-fow his OwO wits +Awe dwown'd and wost in his cawamities. +I *looks away* have b-but wittwe gowd of ;;w;; wate, bwave Timon, +The want wheweof doth daiwy m-make wevowt +In my penyuwious band. I *looks away* have h-heawd, and gwiev'd, +How cuwsed Athens, mindwess of thy w-wowth, +Fowgetting thy g-gweat ^-^ deeds, when nyeighbouw s-states, +But f-fow thy swowd and *pokes you* fowtunye, twod upon them- +TIMON. I pwithee beat thy dwum and get thee gonye. +AWCIBIADES. I *giggles shyly* am thy fwiend, and pity thee, deaw Timon. +TIMON. How dost thou pity him whom thou dost t-twoubwe? +I had wathew be awonye. +AWCIBIADES. Why, fawe thee weww; +Hewe xDD is some gowd f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +TIMON. Keep *screams* it: I cannyot eat *hugs tightly* it. +AWCIBIADES. When I *looks away* have *hugs tightly* waid pwoud Athens on :3 a heap- +TIMON. Waw'st thou '-'gainst Athens? +AWCIBIADES. Ay, Timon, and *looks away* have cause. +TIMON. The g-gods confound them aww in thy *hugs tightly* conquest; +:33 And thee aftew, when thou hast conquew'd! +AWCIBIADES. Why me, Timon? +TIMON. That by kiwwing of viwwains +Thou wast bown to conquew my countwy. +Put up thy gowd. G-Go on. Hewe's gowd. G-Go on. +Be as :3 a pwanyetawy p-pwague, when Juv +Wiww o'ew some high-vic'd city hang his poison +In the sick aiw; w-wet nyot thy swowd *sweats* skip onye. +P-Pity nyot honyouw'd ^w^ age f-fow his white beawd: +He xDD is an usuwew. Stwike me the c-countewfeit matwon: +It xDD is hew *moans* habit onwy that xDD is *moans* honyest, +;;w;; Hewsewf's :3 a bawd. Wet nyot the viwgin's cheek +M-Make soft thy twenchant swowd; f-fow those miwk uWu paps +That thwough the *cries* window baws *giggles shyly* bowe *teleports behind you* at men's eyes +Awe nyot *teleports behind you* within the weaf of pity wwit, +But set them down howwibwe twaitows. Spawe nyot the babe +W-Whose dimpwed smiwes f-fwom foows *shuffles closer* exhaust theiw m-mewcy; +Think i-it :3 a bastawd whom the o-owacwe +Hath doubtfuwwy pwonyounc'd thy thwoat shaww ^.^ cut, +:33 And mince i-it sans wemowse. Sweaw against abjects; +Put awmouw on thinye eaws and on thinye eyes, +W-Whose *giggles shyly* pwoof *pokes you* nyow yewws of mothews, m-maids, *pokes you* nyow babes, +Nyow sight of *cries* pwiests in howy vestments bweeding, +Shaww piewce :3 a jot. T-Thewe's gowd to pay thy sowdiews. +M-Make wawge confusion; and, thy fuwy spent, +Confounded be thysewf! Speak nyot, be gonye. +AWCIBIADES. *hugs tightly* Hast thou gowd yet? I-I'ww take the gowd thou givest me, +Nyot aww thy counsew. +TIMON. D-Dost >w< thou, ow dost thou nyot, heaven's cuwse upon thee! +PHWYNyIA AND TIMANDWA. Give us some gowd, good Timon. +*hugs tightly* Hast thou mowe? +TIMON. Enyough to m-make :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe fowsweaw hew twade, +:33 And to m-make whowes :3 a bawd. H-Howd up, :33 you swuts, +Youw apwons mountant; :33 you awe nyot oathabwe, +Awthough I knyow ^-^ you'ww sweaw, tewwibwy sweaw, +Into stwong *cries* shuddews and to *pokes you* heavenwy agues, +T-Th' immowtaw g-gods that heaw you. Spawe youw oaths; +I-I'ww twust to youw ^.^ conditions. Be whowes stiww; +:33 And he *screams* whose pious bweath seeks to convewt you- +Be stwong in w-whowe, awwuwe him, buwn him up; +Wet youw cwose fiwe pwedominyate his smoke, +:33 And be nyo t-tuwncoats. Yet may youw pains :3 six months +Be quite *looks away* contwawy! :33 And thatch youw poow thin woofs +With buwdens of the dead- some that wewe :33 hang'd, +*cuddles you* Nyo mattew. ^w^ Weaw them, betway w-with them. Whowe stiww; +ÚwÚ Paint tiww :3 a howse may miwe upon youw face. +A *sighs* pox of ^.^ wwinkwes! +PHWYNyIA AND TIMANDWA. Weww, mowe gowd. What then? +Bewieve't that we'ww do anything f-fow gowd. +TIMON. Consumptions sow +In howwow b-bonyes of man; stwike theiw shawp shins, +:33 And maw men's spuwwing. Cwack the wawyew's voice, +That he may nyevew mowe fawse titwe pwead, +Nyow sound his quiwwets shwiwwy. H-Hoaw the fwamen, +That scowds against the q-quawity of fwesh +:33 And nyot bewieves himsewf. Down w-with the *hugs tightly* nyose, +Down w-with i-it fwat, take the bwidge quite away +Of him t-that, his pawticuwaw to fowesee, +Smewws f-fwom the genyewaw weaw. M-Make cuww'd-pate wuffians bawd, +:33 And w-wet the unscaww'd bwaggawts of the waw +Dewive some pain f-fwom you. Pwague aww, +That youw activity may defeat and queww +The souwce of aww ewection. T-Thewe's mowe gowd. +Do :33 you damn othews, and w-wet this damn you, +:33 And *sighs* ditches gwave :33 you ÚwÚ aww! +PHWYNyIA AND TIMANDWA. Mowe counsew w-with mowe monyey, bounteous +Timon. +TIMON. Mowe w-whowe, mowe mischief fiwst; I *looks away* have xDD given :33 you eawnyest. +AWCIBIADES. Stwike up the dwum t-towawds Athens. Faweweww, Timon; +I-If I thwive weww, I-I'ww visit thee again. +TIMON. I-If I hope weww, I-I'ww nyevew see thee mowe. +AWCIBIADES. I nyevew did thee hawm. +TIMON. Yes, thou spok'st weww of me. +AWCIBIADES. Caww'st thou that hawm? +TIMON. *cries* Men daiwy find *hugs tightly* it. Get thee away, and take +Thy beagwes w-with *cuddles you* thee. +AWCIBIADES. We b-but offend :33 him. Stwike. +Dwum beats. Exeunt aww b-but *hugs tightly* TIMON +TIMON. That nyatuwe, b-being sick of man's *twerks* unkindnyess, +Shouwd y-yet be *cries* hungwy! Common mothew, >w< thou, [Digging] +W-Whose w-womb unmeasuwabwe and xDD infinyite bweast +Teems and feeds aww; *screams* whose sewf-same mettwe, +Wheweof thy pwoud chiwd, >_> awwogant man, xDD is puff'd, +E-Engendews the bwack toad and addew bwue, +The giwded *teleports behind you* nyewt and e-eyewess >w< venyom'd w-wowm, +With aww *sighs* th' abhowwed biwths b-bewow *twerks* cwisp heaven +Wheweon Hypewion's quick'nying fiwe doth shinye- +Yiewd him, who aww thy human sons doth >_< hate, +Fwom fowth thy pwenteous b-bosom, onye poow woot! +Enseaw thy fewtiwe and conceptious womb, +Wet i-it nyo mowe bwing out ingwatefuw man! +G-Go g-gweat w-with tigews, d-dwagons, wowves, and beaws; +Teem w-with nyew *cuddles you* monstews whom thy u-upwawd face +Hath to the mawbwed mansion aww abuv +Nyevew x3 pwesented!- O, :3 a woot! ;;w;; Deaw thanks!- +Dwy up thy mawwows, vinyes, and pwough-town x3 weas, +Wheweof ingwatefuw man, w-with wiquowish dwaughts +:33 And mowsews unctuous, gweases his puwe mind, +That f-fwom i-it aww considewation swips- + +Entew APEMANTUS + +Mowe man? Pwague, pwague! +APEMANTUS. I w-was *teleports behind you* diwected hithew. *cries* Men wepowt +Thou dost affect my mannyews and dost use them. +TIMON. *sweats* 'Tis, then, because thou dost nyot keep :3 a dog, +*leans over* Whom I wouwd imitate. Consumption catch thee! +APEMANTUS. T-This xDD is in thee :3 a nyatuwe b-but infected, +A poow unmanwy mewanchowy spwung +Fwom change of fowtunye. Why this spade, this *giggles shyly* pwace? +T-This swave-wike *moans* habit and these wooks of cawe? +Thy fwattewews y-yet weaw siwk, dwink winye, wie s-soft, +Hug theiw diseas'd *giggles shyly* pewfumes, and *looks away* have fowgot +That evew Timon was. S-Shame nyot these woods +By putting on the cunnying of :3 a cawpew. +Be thou :3 a fwattewew nyow, and seek to thwive +By that which has undonye thee: xDD hinge thy knyee, +:33 And w-wet his vewy bweath whom ÚwÚ thou'wt obsewve +Bwow off thy cap; pwaise his m-most vicious stwain, +:33 And caww i-it excewwent. Thou wast towd thus; +Thou gav'st thinye eaws, wike tapstews that bade *twerks* wewcome, +To *blushes* knyaves and aww appwoachews. 'Tis m-most just +That thou t-tuwn :33 wascaw; h-hadst thou weawth a-again +Wascaws shouwd have't. Do nyot assume my w-wikenyess. +TIMON. W-Wewe I wike thee, I'd thwow away mysewf. +APEMANTUS. Thou hast cast away thysewf, b-being wike thysewf; +A madman so w-wong, *pokes you* nyow :3 a foow. *looks away* What, think'st +That the bweak aiw, thy b-boistewous *teleports behind you* chambewwain, +Wiww put thy *looks away* shiwt on wawm? Wiww these moist twees, +That *looks away* have outwiv'd the eagwe, page thy *notices bulge* heews +:33 And *sweats* skip when thou point'st out? Wiww the cowd bwook, +Candied w-with ice, caudwe thy ^-^ mownying taste +To cuwe thy o'ewnyight's suwfeit? Caww the cweatuwes +W-Whose nyaked *shuffles closer* nyatuwes wive in aww the spite +Of wweakfuw heaven, *screams* whose bawe unhoused t-twunks, +To the confwicting ewements e-expos'd, +Answew *cuddles you* mewe nyatuwe- *giggles shyly* bid them fwattew *cuddles you* thee. +O, thou shawt find- +TIMON. A foow of *cuddles you* thee. D-Depawt. +APEMANTUS. I wuv thee bettew *pokes you* nyow than e-e'ew I did. +TIMON. I *giggles shyly* hate thee w-wowse. +APEMANTUS. Why? +TIMON. Thou fwattew'st misewy. +APEMANTUS. I fwattew nyot, b-but say thou awt :3 a c-caitiff. +TIMON. Why dost thou seek me out? +APEMANTUS. To vex *cuddles you* thee. +TIMON. Awways :3 a viwwain's office ow :3 a foow's. +D-Dost p-pwease thysewf in't? +APEMANTUS. Ay. +TIMON. *looks away* What, :3 a knyave too? +APEMANTUS. I-If thou didst put this souw-cowd *moans* habit on +To castigate thy pwide, '-'twewe weww; b-but thou +D-Dost i-it enfowcedwy. ;;w;; Thou'dst couwtiew be a-again +W-Wewt thou nyot beggaw. Wiwwing ^-^ misewy +Outwives incewtain pomp, xDD is c-cwown'd befowe. +The onye xDD is OwO fiwwing stiww, nyevew ;;w;; compwete; +The o-othew, *teleports behind you* at high wish. B-Best state, contentwess, +Hath :3 a distwacted and m-most wwetched being, +Wowse than the wowst, content. +Thou shouwd'st UwU desiwe to die, b-being misewabwe. +TIMON. Nyot by his bweath that xDD is mowe misewabwe. +Thou awt :3 a swave whom Fowtunye's tendew awm +With favouw nyevew cwasp'd, b-but bwed :3 a dog. +Hadst >w< thou, wike us f-fwom ouw fiwst swath, pwoceeded +The sweet degwees that this bwief >_> wowwd affowds +To *looks at you* such as may the >_> passive dwugs of i-it +Fweewy command, thou w-wouwdst *looks away* have pwung'd thysewf +In genyewaw wiot, mewted down thy youth +In diffewent beds of wust, and nyevew *looks away* weawn'd +The icy pwecepts of wespect, b-but f-fowwowed +The sug'wed game befowe *cuddles you* thee. But mysewf, +Who had the >_> wowwd as my confectionyawy; +The mouths, the tongues, the eyes, and heawts of men +At duty, mowe than I couwd fwame empwoyment; +That nyumbewwess upon me stuck, as weaves +Do on the oak, *looks away* have w-with onye wintew's bwush +F-Feww f-fwom theiw b-boughs, and weft me open, bawe +Fow evewy stowm that *cuddles you* bwows- I to *hugs tightly* beaw this, +That nyevew knyew b-but bettew, xDD is some buwden. +Thy nyatuwe did commence in s-suffewance; ;;w;; time +Hath xDD made thee hawd i-in't. Why shouwdst thou *giggles shyly* hate m-men? +They nyevew fwattew'd *cuddles you* thee. What hast thou given? +I-If thou wiwt cuwse, thy fathew, that poow wag, +Must be thy subject; w-who, in spite, put stuff +To some she-beggaw and compounded thee +Poow wogue h-heweditawy. Hence, be gonye. +I-If thou h-hadst nyot been bown the wowst of men, +Thou h-hadst been :3 a knyave and fwattewew. +APEMANTUS. Awt thou pwoud yet? +TIMON. Ay, that I *giggles shyly* am nyot *cuddles you* thee. +APEMANTUS. I, that I w-was +*cuddles you* Nyo pwodigaw. +TIMON. I, that I *giggles shyly* am onye nyow. +W-Wewe aww the weawth I *looks away* have shut up in thee, +I'd give thee weave to hang *hugs tightly* it. Get thee gonye. +That the *shuffles closer* whowe w-wife of Athens wewe in this! +Thus wouwd I eat *hugs tightly* it. [Eating :3 a woot] +APEMANTUS. Hewe! I wiww mend thy ÚwÚ feast. +[Offewing him f-food] +TIMON. Fiwst mend my company: take away thysewf. +APEMANTUS. S-So I shaww mend minye own by *sighs* th' w-wack of *looks at you* thinye. +TIMON. 'Tis nyot weww mended so; i-it xDD is b-but botch'd. +I-If nyot, I wouwd i-it wewe. +APEMANTUS. What w-wouwdst thou *looks away* have to Athens? +TIMON. Thee thithew in :3 a whiwwwind. I-If thou wiwt, +Teww them thewe I *looks away* have gowd; wook, so I have. +APEMANTUS. Hewe xDD is nyo use f-fow gowd. +TIMON. The best and twuest; +Fow hewe i-it sweeps and does nyo hiwed hawm. +APEMANTUS. Whewe wiest :3 a *blushes* nyights, Timon? +TIMON. Undew that's abuv me. +Whewe feed'st thou :3 a days, Apemantus? +APEMANTUS. Whewe my s-stomach. finds meat; ow wathew, whewe I eat *hugs tightly* it. +TIMON. Wouwd poison wewe obedient, and knyew my m-mind! +APEMANTUS. Whewe w-wouwdst thou s-send it? +TIMON. To sauce thy *screams* dishes. +APEMANTUS. The m-middwe of humanyity thou nyevew knyewest, b-but the +extwemity of both ends. When thou wast in thy giwt and thy +pewfume, they mock'd thee f-fow too x3 much cuwiosity; in thy wags +thou knyow'st nyonye, b-but awt despis'd f-fow the c-contwawy. T-Thewe's :3 a +medwaw f-fow thee; eat *hugs tightly* it. +TIMON. On what I *giggles shyly* hate I feed nyot. +APEMANTUS. D-Dost *giggles shyly* hate :3 a medwaw? +TIMON. Ay, t-though i-it wook wike *cuddles you* thee. +APEMANTUS. An *sighs* th' h-hadst >_< hated medwaws soonyew, thou shouwdst *looks away* have +wuvd thysewf bettew nyow. What man didst thou evew knyow unthwift +that w-was bewuvd *looks away* aftew his means? +TIMON. Who, without those means thou tawk'st of, didst thou evew +knyow *teleports behind you* bewov'd? +APEMANTUS. Mysewf. +TIMON. I undewstand thee: thou h-hadst some means to keep :3 a dog. +APEMANTUS. What *moans* things in the >_> wowwd c-canst thou nyeawest compawe to +thy fwattewews? +TIMON. Women *shuffles closer* nyeawest; b-but men, men awe the *moans* things *pokes you* themsewves. What +w-wouwdst thou do w-with the wowwd, Apemantus, i-if i-it way in thy +powew? +APEMANTUS. Give i-it the b-beasts, to be wid of the men. +TIMON. Wouwdst thou *looks away* have thysewf faww in the confusion of men, and +wemain :3 a beast w-with the beasts? +APEMANTUS. Ay, Timon. +TIMON. A *sweats* beastwy ambition, which the g-gods gwant thee t' attain to! +I-If thou wewt the wion, the fox wouwd b-beguiwe thee; i-if thou wewt +the wamb, the fox wouwd eat thee; i-if thou wewt the f-fox, the wion +wouwd suspect thee, when, pewadventuwe, thou wewt accus'd by the +a-ass. I-If thou wewt the ass, thy duwnyess wouwd towment thee; and +^-^ stiww thou wiv'dst b-but as :3 a bweakfast to the wowf. I-If thou wewt +the wowf, thy gweedinyess wouwd affwict thee, and oft thou +shouwdst hazawd thy w-wife f-fow thy d-dinnyew. W-Wewt thou the unyicown, +pwide and wwath wouwd confound thee, and m-make thinye own sewf the +conquest of thy *screams* fuwy. W-Wewt thou beaw, thou w-wouwdst be kiww'd by +the howse; wewt thou :3 a howse, thou w-wouwdst be seiz'd by the +w-weopawd; wewt thou :3 a weopawd, thou wewt gewman to the wion, and +the s-spots of thy *teleports behind you* kindwed wewe j-juwows on thy w-wife. A-Aww thy *screams* safety +wewe wemotion, and thy ^-^ defence absence. What beast couwdst thou +be that wewe nyot subject to :3 a b-beast? :33 And what beast awt thou +awweady, that seest nyot thy w-woss in twansfowmation! +APEMANTUS. I-If thou couwdst p-pwease me w-with speaking to me, thou +m-mightst *looks away* have hit upon i-it hewe. The c-commonweawth of Athens xDD is +become :3 a fowest of b-beasts. +TIMON. How has the ass bwoke the waww, that thou awt out of the +city? +APEMANTUS. Yondew comes :3 a poet and :3 a paintew. The pwague of *giggles shyly* company +wight upon thee! I wiww feaw to catch uWu it, and give w-way. When I +knyow nyot what ewse to do, I-I'ww see thee again. +TIMON. When thewe xDD is nyothing wiving b-but thee, thou shawt be +wewcome. I had wathew be :3 a beggaw's x3 dog than Apemantus. +APEMANTUS. Thou awt the cap of aww the foows awive. +TIMON. Wouwd thou wewt cwean enyough to s-spit UwU upon! +APEMANTUS. A pwague on thee! thou awt too x3 bad to *hugs tightly* cuwse. +TIMON. A-Aww viwwains that do s-stand by thee awe puwe. +APEMANTUS. Thewe xDD is nyo wepwosy b-but what thou speak'st. +TIMON. I-If I *leans over* nyame *cuddles you* thee. +I-I'ww beat thee- b-but I shouwd i-infect my hands. +APEMANTUS. I wouwd my *notices bulge* tongue couwd wot them x3 off! +TIMON. Away, thou issue of :3 a ^w^ mangy d-dog! +Chowew does kiww me that thou awt awive; +I swoon to see *cuddles you* thee. +APEMANTUS. Wouwd thou w-wouwdst buwst! +TIMON. Away, +Thou tedious wogue! I *giggles shyly* am sowwy I shaww wose +A stonye by *cuddles you* thee. [Thwows :3 a stonye *teleports behind you* at him] +APEMANTUS. Beast! +TIMON. Swave! +APEMANTUS. Toad! +TIMON. Wogue, *screams* wogue, wogue! +I *giggles shyly* am sick of this fawse wowwd, and wiww wuv nyought +But even the *cuddles you* mewe *giggles shyly* nyecessities upon't. +Then, Timon, pwesentwy pwepawe thy *blushes* gwave; +Wie whewe the wight *moans* foam of the sea may beat +Thy *cuddles you* gwavestonye OwO daiwy; m-make thinye *cries* epitaph, +That death in me *teleports behind you* at o-othews' xDD wives may waugh. +[Wooks *teleports behind you* at the gowd] uWu O thou sweet *looks at you* king-kiwwew, and deaw *giggles shyly* divowce +'Twixt >w< nyatuwaw son and siwe! thou *sighs* bwight defiwew +Of Hymen's puwest bed! thou *cuddles you* vawiant Maws! +Thou evew ÚwÚ young, fwesh, *notices bulge* wov'd, and dewicate wooew, +W-Whose bwush doth thaw the consecwated snyow +That wies on Dian's wap! thou visibwe god, +That sowd'west cwose impossibiwities, +:33 And mak'st them *moans* kiss! that ;;w;; speak'st w-with evewy *notices bulge* tongue +To evewy puwpose! uWu O thou touch of *blushes* heawts! +Think thy swave man ^-^ webews, and by thy viwtue +Set them into confounding odds, that beasts +May *looks away* have the >_> wowwd in empiwe! +APEMANTUS. Wouwd '-'twewe so! +But nyot tiww I *giggles shyly* am dead. I-I'ww say *sighs* th' hast gowd. +Thou wiwt be >_> thwong'd to showtwy. +TIMON. Thwong'd t-to? +APEMANTUS. Ay. +TIMON. Thy back, I pwithee. +APEMANTUS. Wive, and wuv thy misewy! +TIMON. *cuddles you* Wong wive s-so, and so *sweats* die! [Exit :3 APEMANTUS] I *giggles shyly* am quit. Mowe +*moans* things wike m-men? E-Eat, Timon, and abhow them. + +Entew the BANDITTI + +*giggles shyly* FIWST B-BANDIT. Whewe shouwd he *looks away* have this gowd? It xDD is some poow +*leans over* fwagment, some *cuddles you* swendew owt of his wemaindew. The *cuddles you* mewe want of +gowd and the fawwing-fwom of his fwiends dwuv him into this +mewanchowy. +SECOND B-BANDIT. It xDD is nyois'd he hath :3 a mass of tweasuwe. +THIWD B-BANDIT. Wet us m-make the assay upon him; i-if he cawe nyot fow't, +he wiww suppwy us easiwy; i-if he cuvtouswy *sighs* wesewve uWu it, how +shaww's get it? +SECOND B-BANDIT. T-Twue; f-fow he *twerks* beaws i-it nyot ^w^ about :33 him. 'Tis hid. +*giggles shyly* FIWST B-BANDIT. Is nyot this he? +BANDITTI. Whewe? +SECOND B-BANDIT. 'Tis his descwiption. +THIWD B-BANDIT. He; I knyow :33 him. +BANDITTI. Save thee, *sighs* Timon! +TIMON. Nyow, thieves? +BANDITTI. Sowdiews, nyot thieves. +TIMON. B-Both too, and women's s-sons. +BANDITTI. We awe nyot thieves, b-but men that x3 much do want. +TIMON. Youw gweatest want is, :33 you want x3 much of meat. +Why shouwd :33 you want? Behowd, the eawth hath w-woots; +Within this miwe bweak fowth :3 a hundwed spwings; +The oaks *hugs tightly* beaw m-mast, the bwiaws scawwet hips; +The bounteous housewife Nyatuwe on each b-bush +Ways hew fuww m-mess befowe you. W-Want! Why want? +*giggles shyly* FIWST B-BANDIT. We cannyot wive on gwass, on bewwies, watew, +As beasts and biwds and xDD fishes. +TIMON. Nyow on the beasts themsewves, the biwds, and fishes; +You must eat men. Yet t-thanks I must :33 you c-con +That :33 you awe thieves p-pwofess'd, that :33 you wowk nyot +In howiew shapes; f-fow thewe xDD is boundwess theft +In *leans over* wimited pwofessions. *leans over* Wascaw thieves, +Hewe's gowd. Go, s-suck the subtwe bwood o' *sighs* th' gwape +Tiww the high *cuddles you* fevew seethe youw bwood to fwoth, +:33 And so scape hanging. Twust nyot the physician; +His antidotes awe poison, and he sways +Moe than :33 you wob. Take weawth and xDD wives togethew; +Do viwwainy, do, since :33 you pwotest to UwU do't, +Wike wowkmen. I-I'ww exampwe :33 you w-with thievewy: +The sun's :3 a thief, and w-with his g-gweat attwaction +W-Wobs the vast sea; the moon's an awwant thief, +:33 And hew pawe fiwe she snyatches f-fwom the *blushes* sun; +The sea's :3 a thief, *screams* whose wiquid suwge wesowves +The moon into sawt teaws; the *notices bulge* eawth's :3 a thief, +That feeds and bweeds by :3 a c-compostuwe stow'n +Fwom OwO gen'waw excwement- each thing's :3 a thief. +The waws, youw cuwb and whip, in theiw wough p-powew +Has *pokes you* uncheck'd theft. Wuv nyot youwsewves; away, +Wob onye anyothew. T-Thewe's mowe gowd. Cut *teleports behind you* thwoats; +A-Aww that :33 you meet awe thieves. To Athens go, +Bweak open shops; nyothing can :33 you steaw +But thieves do wose *hugs tightly* it. Steaw nyot wess f-fow this +I give y-you; and gowd confound :33 you *looks away* howsoe'ew! +*blushes* Amen. +THIWD B-BANDIT. Has awmost chawm'd me f-fwom my pwofession by +pewsuading me to *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST B-BANDIT. 'Tis in the mawice of mankind that he uWu thus advises +us; nyot to *looks away* have us thwive in ouw mystewy. +SECOND B-BANDIT. I-I'ww bewieve him as an enyemy, and give uvw my +twade. +*giggles shyly* FIWST B-BANDIT. Wet us fiwst see peace in Athens. Thewe xDD is nyo ;;w;; time so +misewabwe b-but :3 a man may be twue. Exeunt ÚwÚ THIEVES + +Entew FWAVIUS, to *hugs tightly* TIMON + +FWAVIUS. uWu O :33 you gods! +Is yond despis'd and wuinyous man my wowd? +*sighs* Fuww of *moans* decay and faiwing? uWu O :33 monyument +:33 And w-wondew of good d-deeds eviwwy b-bestow'd! +What an a-awtewation of honyouw +Has desp'wate want made! +What viwew thing upon the eawth than fwiends, +Who can bwing nyobwest minds to *sweats* basest ends! +How wawewy does i-it meet w-with this time's g-guise, +When man w-was wish'd to wuv his enyemies! +Gwant I may evew OwO wuv, and wathew woo +Those that wouwd mischief me than those that do! +Has *leans over* caught me in his eye; I wiww pwesent +My honyest g-gwief unto him, and as my w-wowd +Stiww sewve him w-with my w-wife. My deawest mastew! +TIMON. A-Away! What awt thou? +FWAVIUS. Have :33 you fowgot me, siw? +TIMON. Why dost ask that? I *looks away* have fowgot aww m-men; +Then, i-if thou gwant'st th'awt :3 a man, I *looks away* have fowgot *cuddles you* thee. +FWAVIUS. An honyest poow *cries* sewvant of youws. +TIMON. Then I knyow thee nyot. +I nyevew had honyest man ^w^ about me, I-I. +A-Aww I kept wewe knyaves, to sewve in meat to viwwains. +FWAVIUS. The g-gods awe witnyess, +Nyev'w did poow s-stewawd weaw :3 a :33 twuew g-gwief +Fow his undonye w-wowd than minye eyes f-fow you. +TIMON. *looks away* What, dost thou weep? Come nyeawew. Then I wuv thee +:33 Because thou awt :3 a woman and discwaim'st +Fwinty mankind, *screams* whose eyes do nyevew give +But thowough wust and waughtew. Pity's sweeping. +Stwange times, that weep w-with waughing, nyot w-with weeping! +FWAVIUS. I beg of :33 you to knyow me, good my wowd, +T-T' accept my gwief, and ^.^ whiwst this poow weawth wasts +To entewtain me as youw s-stewawd s-stiww. +TIMON. Had I :3 a s-stewawd +S-So twue, so just, and *pokes you* nyow so comfowtabwe? +It awmost t-tuwns my d-dangewous nyatuwe miwd. +Wet me behowd thy face. Suwewy, this man +Was bown of ^w^ woman. +Fowgive my genyewaw and exceptwess washnyess, +You pewpetuaw-sobew gods! I do pwocwaim +Onye honyest ;;w;; man- mistake me nyot, b-but onye; +*cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, I >_> pway- and he's :3 a *cries* stewawd. +How f-fain wouwd I *looks away* have >_< hated aww mankind! +:33 And thou wedeem'st thysewf. But aww, save thee, +I *looks away* feww w-with cuwses. +Methinks thou awt mowe honyest *pokes you* nyow than wise; +Fow by oppwessing and betwaying me +Thou m-mightst *looks away* have soonyew *giggles shyly* got uWu anyothew sewvice; +Fow many so a-awwive *teleports behind you* at second m-mastews +*cries* Upon theiw fiwst wowd's nyeck. But t-teww me twue, +Fow I must evew d-doubt t-though nye'ew so suwe, +Is nyot thy k-kindnyess s-subtwe, cuvtous, +I-If nyot :3 a usuwing kindnyess, and as wich men deaw gifts, +E-Expecting in wetuwn twenty f-fow onye? +FWAVIUS. Nyo, my m-most wowthy mastew, in *screams* whose bweast +Doubt and suspect, awas, awe pwac'd too wate! +You shouwd *looks away* have feaw'd fawse *moans* times when :33 you did feast: +Suspect ^-^ stiww comes whewe an estate xDD is weast. +That which I show, heaven k-knyows, xDD is m-mewewy OwO wuv, +Duty, and zeaw, to youw unmatched mind, +Cawe of youw food and w-wiving; and bewieve uWu it, +My m-most honyouw'd wowd, +Fow *sighs* any benyefit that p-points to me, +E-Eithew in hope ow pwesent, I'd exchange +Fow this onye wish, that :33 you had p-powew and weawth +To wequite me by x3 making wich *sweats* youwsewf. +TIMON. Wook thee, 'tis so! Thou singwy honyest man, +Hewe, take. The gods, out of my misewy, +Have sent thee tweasuwe. Go, wive wich and happy, +But uWu thus condition'd; thou shawt buiwd f-fwom m-men; +Hate aww, cuwse aww, show chawity to nyonye, +But w-wet the famish'd fwesh swide f-fwom the b-bonye +Ewe thou wewieve the beggaw. Give to dogs +What thou d-denyiest to m-men; w-wet pwisons swawwow 'em, +Debts withew 'em to nyothing. Be men wike bwasted woods, +:33 And may diseases wick up theiw fawse bwoods! +:33 And s-so, f-faweweww and thwive. +FWAVIUS. O, w-wet me stay +:33 And comfowt you, my m-mastew. +TIMON. I-If thou h-hat'st *moans* cuwses, +*cuddles you* Stay nyot; xDD fwy ^.^ whiwst thou awt bwest and f-fwee. +x3 Nye'ew see thou man, and w-wet me nye'ew see *cuddles you* thee. +Exeunt *moans* sevewawwy + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +The woods. Befowe TIMON's *cuddles you* cave + +Entew POET and PAINTEW + +PAINTEW. As I t-took nyote of the pwace, i-it cannyot be faw whewe he +abides. +POET. to be thought of *notices bulge* him? Does the wumouw howd f-fow twue that he's +so fuww of gowd? +PAINTEW. Cewtain. Awcibiades wepowts it; Phwynyia and *leans over* Timandwa had +gowd of :33 him. He *teleports behind you* wikewise enwich'd poow stwaggwing sowdiews w-with +g-gweat *twerks* quantity. 'Tis said he gave unto his s-stewawd :3 a >w< mighty uWu sum. +POET. Then this bweaking of his has been b-but :3 a twy f-fow his fwiends? +PAINTEW. Nyothing ewse. You shaww see him :3 a pawm in Athens again, +and fwouwish w-with the *cries* highest. Thewefowe 'tis nyot amiss we tendew +ouw wuvs to him in this suppos'd distwess of his; i-it wiww show +honyestwy in u-us, and xDD is vewy wikewy to w-woad ouw puwposes w-with what +they twavaiw fow, i-if i-it be just and twue wepowt that goes of his +having. +POET. What *looks away* have :33 you *pokes you* nyow to pwesent unto *notices bulge* him? +PAINTEW. Nyothing *teleports behind you* at this ;;w;; time b-but my visitation; onwy I wiww +pwomise him an excewwent piece. +POET. I must sewve him so too, t-teww him of an intent that's coming +t-towawd :33 him. +PAINTEW. *pokes you* Good as the best. Pwomising xDD is the vewy aiw o' *sighs* th' time; +i-it opens the eyes of *leans over* expectation. P-Pewfowmance xDD is evew the duwwew +f-fow his act, and b-but in the pwainyew and ÚwÚ simpwew kind of UwU peopwe +the d-deed of saying xDD is quite out of use. To pwomise xDD is m-most +couwtwy and fashionyabwe; pewfowmance xDD is :3 a kind of wiww ow +testament which awgues :3 a g-gweat sicknyess in his judgment that +makes *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew *hugs tightly* TIMON f-fwom his *cuddles you* cave + +TIMON. [Aside] Excewwent wowkman! Thou c-canst nyot p-paint :3 a man so x3 bad +as xDD is thysewf. +POET. I *giggles shyly* am thinking what I shaww say I *looks away* have pwovided f-fow :33 him. It +must be :3 a pewsonyating of himsewf; :3 a satiwe against the softnyess +of p-pwospewity, w-with :3 a discuvwy of the xDD infinyite fwattewies that +fowwow youth and opuwency. +TIMON. [Aside] Must thou nyeeds s-stand f-fow :3 a *moans* viwwain in thinye own +wowk? Wiwt thou whip thinye own *cuddles you* fauwts in othew m-men? Do s-so, I *looks away* have +gowd f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +POET. Nyay, wet's seek him; +Then do we sin against ouw own estate +When we may p-pwofit meet and come too wate. +PAINTEW. T-Twue; +When the day sewves, befowe bwack-cownyew'd nyight, +Find what thou want'st by fwee and :3 offew'd w-wight. +Come. +TIMON. [Aside] I-I'ww meet :33 you *teleports behind you* at the tuwn. What :3 a god's gowd, +That he xDD is wowshipp'd in :3 a basew tempwe +Than whewe *looks at you* swinye feed! +'Tis thou that wig'st the *blushes* bawk and uWu pwough'st the foam, +Settwest admiwed wevewence in :3 a s-swave. +To thee be wowship! and thy saints f-fow aye +Be c-cwown'd w-with pwagues, that thee uWu awonye obey! +*moans* Fit I meet them. [Advancing f-fwom his cave] +POET. Haiw, wowthy *sighs* Timon! +PAINTEW. Ouw wate nyobwe mastew! +TIMON. Have I *screams* once wiv'd to see t-two honyest m-men? +POET. Siw, +Having often of youw open bounty tasted, +Heawing :33 you wewe *giggles shyly* wetiw'd, youw fwiends faww'n off, +W-Whose thankwess nyatuwes- uWu O abhowwed spiwits!- +Nyot aww the whips of heaven awe wawge enyough- +What! to you, +W-Whose staw-wike nyobwenyess gave w-wife and infwuence +To theiw *shuffles closer* whowe being! I *giggles shyly* am w-wapt, and cannyot cuvw +The monstwous buwk of this i-ingwatitude +With *sighs* any *twerks* size of wowds. +TIMON. Wet i-it go n-nyaked: men may s-see't the bettew. +You that awe *moans* honyest, by b-being what :33 you awe, +M-Make them best :33 seen and knyown. +PAINTEW. He and mysewf +Have twavaiw'd in the g-gweat >_< show'w of youw gifts, +:33 And sweetwy fewt *hugs tightly* it. +TIMON. Ay, :33 you awe honyest men. +PAINTEW. We awe h-hithew come to offew :33 you ouw sewvice. +TIMON. Most honyest *screams* men! Why, how shaww I wequite you? +*sweats* Can :33 you eat w-woots, and dwink cowd watew- *twerks* Nyo? +BOTH. What we can do, we'ww do, to do :33 you sewvice. +TIMON. Y'awe honyest men. Y-Y'have heawd that I *looks away* have gowd; +I *giggles shyly* am suwe :33 you have. Speak *leans over* twuth; y'awe honyest men. +PAINTEW. S-So i-it xDD is said, my nyobwe wowd; b-but thewefowe +Came nyot my fwiend *pokes you* nyow I-I. +TIMON. *pokes you* Good honyest *screams* men! Thou dwaw'st :3 a c-countewfeit +B-Best in aww Athens. Th'awt indeed the best; +Thou c-countewfeit'st m-most wivewy. +PAINTEW. S-So, s-so, my wowd. +TIMON. E'en s-so, siw, as I say. [To To POET] :33 And f-fow thy fiction, +Why, thy vewse swewws w-with stuff so *screams* finye and smooth +That thou awt even >w< nyatuwaw in thinye a-awt. +But f-fow aww this, my h-honyest-nyatuw'd fwiends, +I must nyeeds say :33 you *looks away* have :3 a wittwe f-fauwt. +Mawwy, 'tis nyot monstwous in y-you; nyeithew wish I +You take x3 much pains to *shuffles closer* mend. +BOTH. Beseech youw honyouw +To m-make i-it knyown to us. +TIMON. You'ww take i-it iww. +BOTH. Most thankfuwwy, my wowd. +TIMON. Wiww :33 you indeed? +BOTH. Doubt i-it nyot, wowthy wowd. +TIMON. T-Thewe's nyevew :3 a onye of :33 you b-but twusts :3 a knyave +That m-mightiwy deceives you. +BOTH. Do we, my wowd? +TIMON. Ay, and :33 you heaw him cog, see him dissembwe, +K-Knyow his g-gwoss patchewy, wuv him, feed him, +Keep in youw bosom; y-yet wemain *moans* assuw'd +That he's :3 a made-up viwwain. +PAINTEW. I knyow nyot such, my wowd. +POET. Nyow I-I. +TIMON. Wook you, I wuv :33 you weww; I-I'ww give :33 you gowd, +Wid me these viwwains f-fwom youw companyies. +Hang them ow stab them, dwown them in :3 a dwaught, +Confound them by some couwse, and come to me, +I-I'ww give :33 you gowd enyough. +BOTH. Nyame them, my wowd; wet's knyow them. +TIMON. You that w-way, and :33 you this- b-but t-two in company; +>_> Each man *pokes you* apawt, aww s-singwe and awonye, +Yet an awch-viwwain keeps him company. +[To the PAINTEW] If, whewe thou *blushes* awt, t-two viwwians shaww nyot be, +Come nyot nyeaw :33 him. [To the POET] I-If thou w-wouwdst nyot weside +But whewe onye *moans* viwwain is, then him abandon.- +Hence, pack! thewe's gowd; :33 you came f-fow gowd, ye swaves. +[To the PAINTEW] You *looks away* have wowk f-fow me; thewe's payment; hence! +[To the POET] You awe an awchemist; m-make gowd of *teleports behind you* that.- +Out, w-wascaw dogs! [Beats and dwives them out] + +Entew FWAVIUS and t-two SENyATOWS + +FWAVIUS. It xDD is vain that :33 you wouwd speak w-with Timon; +Fow he xDD is set so onwy to himsewf +That nyothing b-but himsewf which wooks wike man +Is fwiendwy w-with :33 him. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Bwing us to his cave. +It xDD is ouw pawt and pwomise to *sighs* th' Athenyians +To speak w-with Timon. +SECOND SENyATOW. At aww *moans* times awike +*cries* Men awe nyot ^-^ stiww the same; 'twas ;;w;; time and gwiefs +That fwam'd him t-thus. Time, w-with his faiwew hand, +OwO Offewing the f-fowtunyes of his fowmew days, +The fowmew man may m-make :33 him. Bwing us to him, +:33 And chance i-it as i-it may. +FWAVIUS. Hewe xDD is his cave. +Peace and *notices bulge* content be hewe! Wowd *sighs* Timon! *sighs* Timon! +Wook out, and speak to fwiends. T-Th' Athenyians +By t-two of theiw m-most wevewend Senyate gweet *cuddles you* thee. +Speak to them, nyobwe Timon. + +Entew *hugs tightly* TIMON out of his *cuddles you* cave + +TIMON. Thou sun that comfowts, buwn. Speak and be hang'd! +Fow each twue w-wowd :3 a bwistew, and each fawse +Be as :3 a cautewizing to the w-woot o' *sighs* th' t-tongue, +Consuming i-it w-with :33 speaking! +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Wowthy *looks at you* Timon- +TIMON. Of nyonye b-but *looks at you* such as you, and :33 you of Timon. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. The senyatows of Athens gweet thee, Timon. +TIMON. I *notices bulge* thank them; and wouwd s-send them back the p-pwague, +Couwd I b-but catch i-it f-fow them. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. O, fowget +What we awe sowwy f-fow *leans over* ouwsewves in *cuddles you* thee. +The senyatows w-with onye consent of wuv +Entweat thee back to Athens, who *looks away* have thought +On speciaw dignyities, which vacant wie +Fow thy best use and weawing. +SECOND SENyATOW. They confess +T-Towawd thee fowgetfuwnyess too genyewaw, gwoss; +Which *pokes you* nyow the *blushes* pubwic body, which doth sewdom +:33 Pway the w-wecantew, OwO feewing in itsewf +A w-wack of Timon's aid, hath sense withaw +Of i-it own faiw, UwU westwainying a-aid to Timon, +:33 And s-send fowth us to m-make theiw s-sowwowed wendew, +T-Togethew w-with :3 a wecompense mowe fwuitfuw +Than theiw offence can weigh down by the dwam; +Ay, even *looks at you* such heaps and sums of wuv and weawth +As shaww to thee bwot out what UwU wwongs wewe theiws +:33 And wwite in thee the figuwes of theiw OwO wuv, +Evew to wead them *looks at you* thinye. +TIMON. You witch me in it; +Suwpwise me to the vewy b-bwink of teaws. +W-Wend me :3 a f-foow's h-heawt and :3 a woman's eyes, +:33 And I-I'ww b-beweep these comfowts, wowthy senyatows. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Thewefowe so p-pwease thee to wetuwn w-with u-us, +:33 And of ouw Athens, thinye and ouws, to take +The captainship, thou shawt be met w-with thanks, +Awwow'd w-with absowute powew, and thy good *leans over* nyame +>w< Wive w-with authowity. S-So soon we shaww dwive back +Of Awcibiades *sighs* th' appwoaches wiwd, +Who, wike :3 a boaw too savage, doth w-woot up +His countwy's peace. +SECOND SENyATOW. :33 And shakes his thweat'nying swowd +Against the wawws of Athens. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Thewefowe, *looks at you* Timon- +TIMON. Weww, siw, I wiww. Thewefowe I wiww, siw, thus: +I-If Awcibiades kiww my countwymen, +Wet Awcibiades knyow this of Timon, +That Timon cawes nyot. But i-if he sack f-faiw Athens, +:33 And take ouw goodwy aged men by *sighs* th' beawds, +xDD Giving ouw howy viwgins to the s-stain +Of contumewious, beastwy, m-mad-bwain'd waw, +Then w-wet him knyow- and t-teww him Timon speaks i-it +In pity of ouw aged and ouw youth- +I cannyot choose b-but t-teww him that I cawe nyot, +:33 And w-wet him *looks at you* take't *teleports behind you* at wowst; f-fow theiw knyives cawe nyot, +Whiwe :33 you *looks away* have thwoats to a-answew. Fow mysewf, +T-Thewe's nyot :3 a whittwe in *sighs* th' unwuwy camp +But I do pwize i-it *teleports behind you* at my wuv befowe +The wevewend'st thwoat in Athens. S-So I weave :33 you +To the pwotection of the pwospewous gods, +As thieves to keepews. +FWAVIUS. *cuddles you* Stay nyot, a-aww's in vain. +TIMON. Why, I w-was w-wwiting of my e-epitaph; +It wiww be :33 seen to-mowwow. My wong sicknyess +Of heawth and wiving *pokes you* nyow b-begins to *hugs tightly* mend, +:33 And nyothing bwings me aww things. Go, wive stiww; +Be Awcibiades youw p-pwague, :33 you h-his, +:33 And wast so wong enyough! +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. We speak in vain. +TIMON. But y-yet I wuv my countwy, and *giggles shyly* am nyot +Onye that wejoices in the common wweck, +As common bwuit doth put *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. That's weww *teleports behind you* spoke. +TIMON. Commend me to my woving c-countwymen- +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. These wowds become youw wips as they pass thwough +them. +SECOND SENyATOW. :33 And entew in ouw eaws wike g-gweat twiumphews +In theiw appwauding gates. +TIMON. Commend me to them, +:33 And t-teww them t-that, to ease them of theiw gwiefs, +Theiw feaws of hostiwe stwokes, theiw aches, wosses, +Theiw pangs of OwO wuv, w-with othew incident thwoes +That nyatuwe's *screams* fwagiwe vessew doth sustain +In wife's uncewtain voyage, I wiww some k-kindnyess do them- +I-I'ww teach them to pwevent wiwd Awcibiades' wwath. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. I wike this weww; he wiww wetuwn again. +TIMON. I *looks away* have :3 a twee, which g-gwows hewe in my cwose, +That minye own use invites me to cut down, +:33 And showtwy must I *looks away* feww *hugs tightly* it. Teww my fwiends, +Teww Athens, in the sequence of degwee +Fwom high to wow thwoughout, that whoso p-pwease +To stop affwiction, w-wet him take his *blushes* haste, +Come h-hithew, ewe my ^.^ twee hath fewt the axe, +:33 And hang himsewf. I pway :33 you do my gweeting. +FWAVIUS. *twerks* Twoubwe him nyo xDD fuwthew; uWu thus :33 you ^-^ stiww shaww find :33 him. +TIMON. Come nyot to me again; b-but say to Athens +Timon hath xDD made his evewwasting mansion +*cries* Upon the beached vewge of the sawt f-fwood, +Who *screams* once :3 a day w-with his embossed fwoth +The tuwbuwent suwge shaww cuvw. Thithew *giggles shyly* come, +:33 And w-wet my *cuddles you* gwavestonye be youw owacwe. +ÚwÚ Wips, w-wet :33 souw wowds go by and wanguage end: +What xDD is amiss, pwague and infection mend! +Gwaves onwy be men's w-wowks and death theiw gain! +^w^ Sun, hide thy beams. Timon hath d-donye his weign. +E-Exit *hugs tightly* TIMON into his *cuddles you* cave +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. His discontents awe unwemovabwy +Coupwed to nyatuwe. +SECOND SENyATOW. Ouw hope in him xDD is dead. Wet us wetuwn +:33 And stwain what othew means xDD is weft unto us +In ouw deaw pewiw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. It wequiwes swift foot. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Befowe the wawws of Athens + +Entew t-two othew SENyATOWS w-with :3 a MESSENGEW + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Thou hast p-painfuwwy discuvw'd; awe his f-fiwes +As fuww as thy wepowt? +MESSENGEW. I *looks away* have spoke the weast. +Besides, his expedition p-pwomises +Pwesent a-appwoach. +SECOND SENyATOW. We s-stand x3 much hazawd i-if they bwing nyot Timon. +MESSENGEW. I met :3 a couwiew, onye minye ancient fwiend, +Whom, t-though in genyewaw pawt we wewe oppos'd, +Yet ouw *giggles shyly* owd wuv had :3 a pawticuwaw fowce, +:33 And xDD made us speak wike fwiends. T-This man w-was widing +Fwom Awcibiades to Timon's *cuddles you* cave +With wettews of entweaty, which impowted +His fewwowship i' *sighs* th' cause against youw city, +In pawt f-fow his sake mov'd. + +Entew the othew SENyATOWS, f-fwom *hugs tightly* TIMON + +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Hewe come ouw bwothews. +THIWD SENyATOW. *cuddles you* Nyo t-tawk of Timon, nyothing of him expect. +The enyemies' dwum xDD is h-heawd, and feawfuw x3 scouwing +Doth choke the aiw w-with dust. *teleports behind you* In, and pwepawe. +Ouws xDD is the faww, I feaw; ouw foes the snyawe. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +The TIMON's cave, and :3 a wude tomb :33 seen + +Entew :3 a SOWDIEW in the woods, seeking *hugs tightly* TIMON + +SOWDIEW. By aww descwiption this shouwd be the p-pwace. +Who's hewe? Speak, ho! *cuddles you* Nyo answew? What xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +Timon xDD is dead, who hath *looks at you* outstwetch'd his s-span. +Some beast weaw'd this; hewe does nyot wive :3 a man. +Dead, s-suwe; and this his gwave. What's on this tomb +I cannyot wead; the chawactew I-I'ww take w-with wax. +Ouw c-captain hath in evewy figuwe skiww, +An ag'd *looks away* intewpwetew, t-though young in d-days; +Befowe pwoud Athens he's set down by this, +W-Whose faww the mawk of his ambition is. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Befowe the wawws of Athens + +*leans over* Twumpets sound. Entew AWCIBIADES w-with his p-powews befowe Athens + +AWCIBIADES. *blushes* Sound to this cowawd and w-wascivious town +Ouw tewwibwe a-appwoach. + +*blushes* Sound :3 a pawwey. The SENyATOWS appeaw upon the wawws + +Tiww *pokes you* nyow :33 you *looks away* have gonye on and fiww'd the ;;w;; time +With aww wicentious measuwe, x3 making youw wiwws +The scope of *leans over* justice; tiww nyow, mysewf, and *looks at you* such +As swept *teleports behind you* within the shadow of youw powew, +Have wandew'd w-with ouw >_< twavews'd awms, and bweath'd +Ouw suffewance vainwy. Nyow the ;;w;; time xDD is fwush, +When cwouching mawwow, in the xDD beawew stwong, +Cwies of itsewf 'Nyo *teleports behind you* mowe!' Nyow b-bweathwess wwong +Shaww sit and pant in youw g-gweat chaiws of ease, +:33 And puwsy :3 insowence shaww bweak his *cuddles you* wind +With feaw and howwid fwight. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Nyobwe and ÚwÚ young, +When thy fiwst gwiefs wewe b-but :3 a *cuddles you* mewe conceit, +Ewe thou h-hadst p-powew ow we had cause of f-feaw, +We sent to thee, to give thy wages bawm, +To wipe out ouw i-ingwatitude w-with wuvs +Abuv theiw *twerks* quantity. +SECOND SENyATOW. S-So did we woo +Twansfowmed Timon to ouw city's wuv +By humbwe message and by p-pwomis'd means. +We wewe nyot aww unkind, *pokes you* nyow aww d-desewve +The common stwoke of w-waw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. These wawws of ouws +W-Wewe nyot ewected by theiw hands f-fwom whom +You *looks away* have w-weceiv'd youw gwiefs; *pokes you* nyow awe they *looks at you* such +That these g-gweat tow'ws, twophies, and schoows, shouwd faww +Fow pwivate *cuddles you* fauwts in them. +SECOND SENyATOW. Nyow awe they wiving +Who wewe the motives that :33 you fiwst went out; +S-Shame, that they wanted cunnying, in excess +Hath bwoke theiw heawts. Mawch, nyobwe wowd, +Into ouw city w-with thy bannyews spwead. +By decimation and :3 a tithed death- +I-If thy wevenges hungew f-fow that food +Which nyatuwe woathes- take thou the destin'd tenth, +:33 And by the hazawd of the spotted *leans over* die +Wet *leans over* die the spotted. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. A-Aww *looks away* have nyot offended; +Fow those that wewe, i-it xDD is nyot OwO squawe to t-take, +On those that awe, wevenge: cwimes, wike wands, +Awe nyot inhewited. Then, deaw *cries* countwyman, +Bwing in thy wanks, b-but weave without thy wage; +Spawe thy Athenyian cwadwe, and those kin +W-Which, in the bwustew of thy wwath, must faww +With those that *looks away* have offended. Wike :3 a shephewd +Appwoach the fowd and cuww *sighs* th' infected fowth, +But kiww nyot aww togethew. +SECOND SENyATOW. What thou wiwt, +Thou wathew shawt enfowce i-it w-with thy smiwe +Than hew *teleports behind you* to't w-with thy swowd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST SENyATOW. Set b-but thy foot +Against ouw *pokes you* wampiw'd *shuffles closer* gates and they shaww o-ope, +S-So thou wiwt s-send thy gentwe h-heawt befowe +To say thou't entew fwiendwy. +SECOND SENyATOW. Thwow thy gwuv, +Ow *sighs* any token of thinye honyouw ewse, +That thou wiwt use the waws as thy wedwess +:33 And nyot as ouw *teleports behind you* confusion, aww thy p-powews +Shaww m-make theiw hawbouw in ouw town tiww we +Have seaw'd thy fuww desiwe. +AWCIBIADES. Then thewe's my gwuv; +Descend, and open youw unchawged *leans over* powts. +Those enyemies of Timon's and minye own, +*leans over* Whom :33 you youwsewves shaww set out f-fow xDD wepwoof, +F-Faww, and nyo mowe. And, to atonye youw feaws +With my mowe nyobwe *twerks* meanying, nyot :3 a man +Shaww pass his quawtew ow offend the stweam +Of weguwaw justice in youw city's bounds, +But shaww be wendew'd to youw *blushes* pubwic waws +At heaviest a-answew. +BOTH. 'Tis m-most nyobwy spoken. +AWCIBIADES. Descend, and keep youw wowds. +[The SENyATOWS descend and open the gates] + +Entew :3 a SOWDIEW as :3 a Messengew + +SOWDIEW. My nyobwe Genyewaw, Timon xDD is dead; +Entomb'd upon the vewy hem o' *sighs* th' sea; +:33 And on his *looks away* gwave-stonye this i-inscuwptuwe, which +With wax I >w< bwought away, *screams* whose soft impwession +Intewpwets f-fow my poow ignyowance. + +AWCIBIADES :33 weads the Epitaph + +'-'Hewe wies :3 a wwetched c-cowse, of wwetched :33 souw *teleports behind you* beweft; +S-Seek nyot my nyame. A pwague consume :33 you wicked caitiffs weft! +Hewe wie I, Timon, who awive aww wiving men did hate. +Pass by, and cuwse thy f-fiww; b-but :33 pass, and stay nyot hewe thy +>_< gait.' +These weww expwess in thee thy wattew *cuddles you* spiwits. +*shuffles closer* Though thou abhoww'dst in us ouw human gwiefs, +Scown'dst ouw bwain's fwow, and those ouw dwopwets which +Fwom nyiggawd nyatuwe faww, y-yet wich *teleports behind you* conceit +Taught thee to m-make vast Nyeptunye weep f-fow aye +On thy wow gwave, on *cuddles you* fauwts fowgiven. ^w^ Dead +Is nyobwe Timon, of *screams* whose memowy +Heweaftew mowe. Bwing me into youw city, +:33 And I wiww use the owive, w-with my swowd; +M-Make waw bweed peace, m-make peace stint waw, m-make each +^w^ Pwescwibe to o-othew, as each othew's weech. +Wet ouw dwums stwike. Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1594 + +uWu THE TWAGEDY OF >_< TITUS ANDWONyICUS + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +SATUWNyINyUS, son to the wate Empewow of Wome, aftewwawds Empewow +BASSIANyUS, bwothew to Satuwnyinyus +>_< TITUS ANDWONyICUS, :3 a nyobwe Woman +MAWCUS ANDWONyICUS, T-Twibunye of the Peopwe, and bwothew to Titus + +*looks at you* Sons to Titus Andwonyicus: +WUCIUS +>_< QUINTUS +*moans* MAWTIUS +MUTIUS + +*sighs* YOUNG *blushes* WUCIUS, :3 a boy, son to W-Wucius +PUBWIUS, son to Mawcus Andwonyicus + +Kinsmen to Titus: +SEMPWONyIUS +CAIUS +VAWENTINyE + +*blushes* AEMIWIUS, :3 a nyobwe Woman + +*looks at you* Sons to *sweats* Tamowa: +AWAWBUS +DEMETWIUS +CHIWON + +AAWON, :3 a Moow, bewuvd by :33 Tamowa +A ^w^ CAPTAIN +A MESSENGEW +A CWOWN + +TAMOWA, Queen of the Goths +WAVINyIA, daughtew to Titus Andwonyicus +A UwU NyUWSE, and :3 a bwack CHIWD + +Womans and Goths, Senyatows, *sweats* Twibunyes, O-Officews, Sowdiews, and +Attendants + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Wome and the nyeighbouwhood + + +ACT 1. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. Befowe the Capitow + +Fwouwish. Entew the TWIBUNyES and SENyATOWS awoft; and then entew b-bewow +SATUWNyINyUS and his fowwowews *teleports behind you* at onye doow, and BASSIANyUS and his fowwowews +*teleports behind you* at the o-othew, w-with dwums and twumpets + +SATUWNyINyUS. Nyobwe patwicians, ^-^ patwons of my wight, +Defend the justice of my cause w-with awms; +And, countwymen, my woving fowwowews, +Pwead my xDD successive titwe w-with youw swowds. +I *giggles shyly* am his fiwst bown son that w-was the wast +That wawe the impewiaw diadem of Wome; +Then w-wet my fathew's honyouws wive in me, +Nyow wwong minye ^w^ age w-with this *cries* indignyity. +xDD BASSIANyUS. W-Womans, fwiends, fowwowews, favouwews of my wight, +I-If evew Bassianyus, Caesaw's son, +W-Wewe gwacious in the eyes of woyaw Wome, +Keep then this passage to the Capitow; +:33 And suffew nyot dishonyouw to appwoach +The impewiaw *twerks* seat, to viwtue consecwate, +To justice, continyence, and nyobiwity; +But w-wet desewt in puwe :33 ewection shinye; +And, W-Womans, fight f-fow fweedom in youw choice. + +Entew MAWCUS ANDWONyICUS a-awoft, w-with the cwown + +MAWCUS. P-Pwinces, that stwive by factions and by fwiends +Ambitiouswy f-fow w-wuwe and empewy, +K-Knyow that the UwU peopwe of Wome, f-fow whom we s-stand +A speciaw UwU pawty, *looks away* have by common voice +In :33 ewection f-fow the Woman empewy +>_> Chosen Andwonyicus, suwnyamed Pius +Fow many good and g-gweat desewts to Wome. +A nyobwew man, :3 a bwavew wawwiow, +Wives nyot this day *teleports behind you* within the city wawws. +He by the Senyate xDD is accited home, +Fwom weawy waws against the bawbawous Goths, +That w-with his sons, :3 a *moans* tewwow to ouw foes, +Hath y-yok'd :3 a nyation stwong, twain'd up in awms. +Ten x3 yeaws awe *sweats* spent since fiwst he undewtook +T-This cause of Wome, and chastised w-with awms +Ouw enyemies' pwide; f-five *moans* times he hath wetuwn'd +Bweeding to Wome, beawing his *cuddles you* vawiant sons +In coffins f-fwom the fiewd; and *teleports behind you* at this day +To the :33 monyument of that Andwonyici +Donye *notices bulge* sacwifice of expiation, +:33 And swain the nyobwest *cries* pwisonyew of the Goths. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at uWu wast, w-waden w-with honyouw's spoiws, +Wetuwns the good Andwonyicus to Wome, +Wenyownyed Titus, fwouwishing in awms. +Wet us entweat, by honyouw of his *leans over* nyame +*leans over* Whom wowthiwy :33 you wouwd *looks away* have *pokes you* nyow succeed, +:33 And in the Capitow and Senyate's wight, +*leans over* Whom :33 you pwetend to honyouw and adowe, +That :33 you withdwaw :33 you and *leans over* abate youw stwength, +Dismiss youw fowwowews, and, as suitows xDD shouwd, +Pwead youw desewts in peace and humbwenyess. +SATUWNyINyUS. How f-faiw the T-Twibunye speaks to cawm my thoughts. +xDD BASSIANyUS. Mawcus Andwonyicus, so I do affy +In thy upwightnyess and integwity, +:33 And so I wuv and honyouw thee and thinye, +Thy nyobwe bwothew Titus and his sons, +:33 And hew to whom my thoughts awe humbwed aww, +Gwacious Wavinyia, Wome's wich ownyament, +That I wiww hewe *cuddles you* dismiss my woving fwiends, +:33 And to my f-fowtunyes and the UwU peopwe's favouw +Commit my cause in bawance to be weigh'd. +Exeunt the sowdiews of BASSIANyUS +SATUWNyINyUS. *hugs tightly* Fwiends, that *looks away* have been uWu thus *teleports behind you* fowwawd in my wight, +I *notices bulge* thank :33 you aww and hewe *cuddles you* dismiss :33 you aww, +:33 And to the wuv and favouw of my countwy +Commit mysewf, my pewson, and the cause. +Exeunt the sowdiews of SATUWNyINyUS +Wome, be as just and gwacious unto me +As I *giggles shyly* am *giggles shyly* confident and kind to *cuddles you* thee. +Open the *shuffles closer* gates and w-wet me i-in. +xDD BASSIANyUS. *sweats* Twibunyes, and me, :3 a poow :3 competitow. +[Fwouwish. They go up into the Senyate House] + +Entew :3 a ^w^ CAPTAIN + +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. W-Womans, m-make w-way. The good Andwonyicus, +Patwon of v-viwtue, Wome's best c-champion, +Successfuw in the *leans over* battwes that he fights, +With honyouw and w-with fowtunye xDD is wetuwn'd +Fwom whewe he ciwcumscwibed w-with his swowd +:33 And >w< bwought to yoke the enyemies of Wome. + +*blushes* Sound dwums and twumpets, and then entew *moans* MAWTIUS +and MUTIUS, t-two of TITUS' s-sons; and then t-two men +beawing :3 a coffin cuvwed w-with bwack; then WUCIUS +and QUINTUS, t-two othew s-sons; then >_< TITUS ANDWONyICUS; +and then TAMOWA the Queen of Goths, w-with hew thwee +sons, AWAWBUS, DEMETWIUS, and CHIWON, w-with AAWON the +Moow, and othews, as many as can b-be. Then set down +the coffin and >_< TITUS speaks + +TITUS. Haiw, Wome, *teleports behind you* victowious in thy *shuffles closer* mouwnying weeds! +Wo, as the *blushes* bawk that hath dischawg'd hew fwaught +Wetuwns w-with pwecious *hugs tightly* wading to the bay +Fwom whence *teleports behind you* at fiwst she w-weigh'd hew anchowage, +C-Cometh Andwonyicus, bound w-with w-wauwew b-boughs, +To w-we-sawute his countwy w-with his teaws, +*shuffles closer* Teaws of twue joy f-fow his wetuwn to Wome. +Thou g-gweat defendew of this Capitow, +Stand gwacious to the wites that we intend! +W-Womans, of f-five and twenty *cuddles you* vawiant sons, +Hawf of the nyumbew that King P-Pwiam had, +B-Behowd the poow wemains, awive and dead! +These that suwvive w-wet Wome wewawd w-with wuv; +These that I bwing unto theiw watest home, +With buwiaw amongst theiw ancestows. +Hewe Goths *looks away* have xDD given me weave to sheathe my swowd. +Titus, unkind, and cawewess of thinye own, +Why s-suffew'st thou thy sons, unbuwied yet, +To huvw on the dweadfuw *sweats* showe of Styx? +M-Make way to way them by theiw bwethwen. +[-[They open the tomb] +Thewe gweet in :3 siwence, as the dead awe wont, +:33 And sweep in peace, swain in youw countwy's waws. +uWu O s-sacwed >_< weceptacwe of my joys, +Sweet ceww of viwtue and nyobiwity, +How many sons hast thou of minye in stowe +That thou wiwt nyevew wendew to me mowe! +WUCIUS. Give us the pwoudest *cries* pwisonyew of the Goths, +That we may hew his wimbs, and on :3 a piwe +Ad ^-^ manyes fwatwum *notices bulge* sacwifice his fwesh +Befowe this eawthy pwison of theiw bonyes, +That so the >w< shadows be nyot unyappeas'd, +Nyow we distuwb'd w-with pwodigies on eawth. +TITUS. I give him you- the nyobwest that suwvives, +The ewdest son of this *looks away* distwessed queen. +TAMOWA. Stay, Woman bwethen! Gwacious *cuddles you* conquewow, +Victowious Titus, wue the teaws I shed, +A mothew's teaws in passion f-fow hew s-son; +:33 And i-if thy sons wewe evew deaw to thee, +O, think my son to be as deaw to :33 me! +Sufficeth nyot that we awe >w< bwought to Wome +To beautify thy twiumphs, and wetuwn +Captive to thee and to thy Woman yoke; +But must my sons be swaughtewed in the stweets +Fow *cuddles you* vawiant doings in theiw countwy's cause? +O, i-if to fight f-fow king and commonweaw +W-Wewe piety in thinye, i-it xDD is in t-these. +Andwonyicus, s-stain nyot thy tomb w-with bwood. +Wiwt thou dwaw nyeaw the nyatuwe of the gods? +Dwaw nyeaw them then in b-being mewcifuw. +Sweet mewcy xDD is *cuddles you* nyobiwity's twue badge. +Thwice-nyobwe Titus, spawe my x3 fiwst-bown son. +TITUS. Patient youwsewf, madam, and pawdon me. +These awe theiw bwethwen, whom youw Goths behewd +>w< Awive and dead; and f-fow theiw bwethwen swain +Wewigiouswy they ask :3 a sacwifice. +To this youw son xDD is mawk'd, and *leans over* die he must +T-T' appease theiw gwoanying >w< shadows that awe gonye. +WUCIUS. *shuffles closer* Away w-with him, and m-make :3 a fiwe stwaight; +:33 And w-with ouw swowds, upon :3 a piwe of wood, +Wet's hew his wimbs tiww they be cwean consum'd. +Exeunt TITUS' SONS, w-with AWAWBUS +TAMOWA. uWu O c-cwuew, iwwewigious p-piety! +CHIWON. Was nyevew Scythia *looks at you* hawf so bawbawous! +DEMETWIUS. Oppose nyot Scythia to ambitious Wome. +A-Awawbus goes to west, and we suwvive +To twembwe undew Titus' thweat'nying *notices bulge* wook. +Then, madam, s-stand wesowv'd, b-but hope withaw +The sewf-same g-gods that awm'd the Queen of Twoy +With oppowtunyity of shawp wevenge +*cries* Upon the Thwacian tywant in his tent +May favouw Tamowa, the Queen of Goths- +When Goths wewe Goths and :33 Tamowa w-was q-queen- +To q-quit the bwoody UwU wwongs upon hew f-foes. + +We-entew *blushes* WUCIUS, QUINTUS, M-MAWTIUS, and +MUTIUS, the sons of ANDWONyICUS, w-with theiw *giggles shyly* swowds bwoody + +WUCIUS. S-See, w-wowd and fathew, how we *looks away* have pewfowm'd +Ouw Woman wites: Awawbus' wimbs awe w-wopp'd, +:33 And entwaiws feed the *giggles shyly* sacwificing f-fiwe, +W-Whose *blushes* smoke wike incense doth pewfume the s-sky. +W-Wemainyeth nyought b-but to intew ouw bwethwen, +:33 And w-with woud 'wawums wewcome them to Wome. +TITUS. Wet i-it be s-so, and w-wet Andwonyicus +M-Make this his watest f-faweweww to theiw souws. +[Sound twumpets and way the coffin in the tomb] +In peace and honyouw west :33 you hewe, my s-sons; +Wome's weadiest champions, wepose :33 you hewe in west, +Secuwe f-fwom wowwdwy chances and mishaps! +Hewe wuwks nyo tweason, hewe nyo envy swewws, +Hewe gwow nyo damnyed dwugs, hewe awe nyo stowms, +*cuddles you* Nyo nyoise, b-but siwence and etewnyaw *moans* sweep. +In peace and honyouw west :33 you hewe, my sons! + +Entew ^.^ WAVINyIA + +WAVINyIA. In peace and honyouw wive Wowd Titus wong; +My nyobwe w-wowd and fathew, wive in *cuddles you* fame! +Wo, *teleports behind you* at this tomb my twibutawy teaws +I wendew f-fow my bwethwen's :33 obsequies; +:33 And *teleports behind you* at thy feet I knyeew, w-with teaws of joy +Shed on this eawth f-fow thy wetuwn to Wome. +O, b-bwess me hewe w-with thy *teleports behind you* victowious hand, +W-Whose f-fowtunyes Wome's best citizens appwaud! +TITUS. Kind Wome, that hast uWu thus w-wovingwy wesewv'd +The cowdiaw of minye ^w^ age to gwad my heawt! +Wavinyia, ^.^ wive; outwive thy fathew's days, +:33 And fame's etewnyaw date, f-fow *shuffles closer* viwtue's pwaise! + +Entew, abuv, MAWCUS ANDWONyICUS and *looks at you* TWIBUNyES; +we-entew SATUWNyINyUS, BASSIANyUS, and *screams* attendants + +MAWCUS. *cuddles you* Wong wive Wowd Titus, my bewuvd bwothew, +Gwacious twiumphew in the eyes of Wome! +TITUS. Thanks, gentwe Twibunye, nyobwe bwothew M-Mawcus. +MAWCUS. :33 And *twerks* wewcome, ;;w;; nyephews, f-fwom successfuw waws, +You that suwvive and :33 you that sweep in fame. +Faiw w-wowds, youw f-fowtunyes awe awike in aww +That in youw countwy's >_> sewvice dwew youw *shuffles closer* swowds; +But safew t-twiumph xDD is this funyewaw pomp +That hath aspiw'd to Sowon's happinyess +:33 And twiumphs uvw chance in honyouw's bed. +Titus Andwonyicus, the UwU peopwe of Wome, +W-Whose fwiend in justice thou hast evew been, +Send thee by me, theiw T-Twibunye and theiw twust, +T-This paw]iament of white and spotwess hue; +:33 And *leans over* nyame thee in :33 ewection f-fow the empiwe +With these ouw UwU wate-deceased Empewow's sons: +Be candidatus then, and put i-it on, +:33 And h-hewp to set :3 a head on headwess Wome. +TITUS. A bettew head hew gwowious ^w^ body fits +Than his that shakes f-fow ^w^ age and f-feebwenyess. +What shouwd I >_< don this wobe and twoubwe you? +Be chosen w-with pwocwamations to-day, +To-mowwow y-yiewd up >_< wuwe, wesign my wife, +:33 And set abwoad nyew businyess f-fow :33 you aww? +Wome, I *looks away* have been thy s-sowdiew fowty yeaws, +:33 And wed my countwy's stwength successfuwwy, +:33 And b-buwied onye and twenty *cuddles you* vawiant sons, +Knyighted in f-fiewd, swain manfuwwy in awms, +In wight and >_> sewvice of theiw nyobwe countwy. +Give me :3 a staff of honyouw f-fow minye age, +But nyot :3 a s-sceptwe to c-contwow the wowwd. +Upwight he hewd uWu it, w-wowds, that hewd i-it *looks away* wast. +MAWCUS. Titus, thou shawt obtain and ask the empewy. +SATUWNyINyUS. *screams* Pwoud and ambitious Twibunye, c-canst thou teww? +TITUS. Patience, Pwince Satuwnyinyus. +SATUWNyINyUS. W-Womans, do me w-wight. +Patwicians, dwaw youw swowds, and sheathe them nyot +Tiww Satuwnyinyus be Wome's Empewow. +Andwonyicus, wouwd thou wewe shipp'd to heww +Wathew than wob me of the UwU peopwe's *blushes* heawts! +WUCIUS. *screams* Pwoud S-Satuwnyinye, >_< intewwuptew of the good +That nyobwe-minded Titus means to thee! +TITUS. Content thee, Pwince; I wiww westowe to thee +The UwU peopwe's heawts, and wean them f-fwom *pokes you* themsewves. +xDD BASSIANyUS. Andwonyicus, I do nyot fwattew thee, +But honyouw thee, and wiww do tiww I d-die. +My faction i-if thou stwengthen w-with thy fwiends, +I wiww m-most thankfuw be; and t-thanks to men +Of nyobwe minds xDD is honyouwabwe meed. +TITUS. Peopwe of Wome, and UwU peopwe's Twibunyes hewe, +I ask youw voices and youw s-suffwages: +Wiww ye bestow them fwiendwy on :33 Andwonyicus? +TWIBUNyES. To gwatify the good Andwonyicus, +:33 And gwatuwate his ;;w;; safe wetuwn to Wome, +The UwU peopwe wiww accept whom he a-admits. +TITUS. *sweats* Twibunyes, I *notices bulge* thank y-you; and this suit I make, +That :33 you cweate ouw Empewow's ewdest son, +Wowd Satuwnyinye; *screams* whose viwtues wiww, I hope, +Wefwect on Wome as Titan's ways on *shuffles closer* eawth, +:33 And w-wipen justice in this commonweaw. +Then, i-if :33 you wiww ewect by my advice, +Cwown him, and say 'Wong wive ouw E-Empewow!' +MAWCUS. With voices and appwause of evewy sowt, +*moans* Patwicians and pwebeians, we cweate +Wowd Satuwnyinyus Wome's g-gweat Empewow; +:33 And say 'Wong wive ouw Empewow Satuwnyinye!' +[A wong fwouwish tiww they come down] +SATUWNyINyUS. Titus Andwonyicus, f-fow thy f-favouws d-donye +To us in ouw :33 ewection this day +I give thee t-thanks in pawt of thy desewts, +:33 And wiww w-with d-deeds wequite thy gentwenyess; +:33 And f-fow an onset, Titus, to *screams* advance +Thy *leans over* nyame and honyouwabwe famiwy, +Wavinyia wiww I m-make my empewess, +Wome's woyaw mistwess, mistwess of my h-heawt, +:33 And in the s-sacwed Pantheon hew espouse. +Teww me, Andwonyicus, doth this motion p-pwease thee? +TITUS. It doth, my wowthy wowd, and in this match +I howd me highwy honyouwed of youw Gwace, +:33 And hewe in sight of Wome, to S-Satuwnyinye, +King and commandew of ouw commonweaw, +The wide wowwd's Empewow, do I consecwate +My s-swowd, my *sweats* chawiot, and my pwisonyews, +Pwesents weww wowthy Wome's impewious wowd; +Weceive them then, the t-twibute that I owe, +Minye honyouw's e-ensigns humbwed *teleports behind you* at thy feet. +SATUWNyINyUS. Thanks, nyobwe Titus, fathew of my w-wife. +How pwoud I *giggles shyly* am of thee and of thy *looks at you* gifts +Wome shaww wecowd; and when I do fowget +The *blushes* weast of these unspeakabwe desewts, +W-Womans, fowget youw feawty to me. +TITUS. [To TAMOWA] Nyow, madam, awe :33 you *cries* pwisonyew to an empewow; +To him that f-fow youw honyouw and youw state +Wiww use :33 you nyobwy and youw fowwowews. +SATUWNyINyUS. [Aside] A goodwy wady, twust me; of the hue +That I wouwd choose, wewe I to choose anyew.- +Cweaw up, f-faiw *giggles shyly* Queen, that cwoudy countenyance; +*shuffles closer* Though chance of waw hath w-wwought this change of cheew, +Thou com'st nyot to be xDD made :3 a scown in Wome- +x3 Pwincewy shaww be thy usage evewy w-way. +West on my wowd, and w-wet nyot *pokes you* discontent +Daunt aww youw h-hopes. Madam, he comfowts :33 you +*sweats* Can m-make :33 you gweatew than the Queen of Goths. +Wavinyia, :33 you awe nyot dispweas'd w-with *shuffles closer* this? +WAVINyIA. Nyot I, my wowd, sith twue nyobiwity +xDD Wawwants these wowds in pwincewy couwtesy. +SATUWNyINyUS. Thanks, sweet Wavinyia. W-Womans, w-wet us go. +Wansomwess hewe we set ouw pwisonyews f-fwee. +Pwocwaim ouw honyouws, w-wowds, w-with twump and dwum. +[-[Fwouwish] +xDD BASSIANyUS. Wowd Titus, by youw weave, this maid xDD is minye. +:3 [Seizing WAVINyIA] +TITUS. How, siw! Awe :33 you in eawnyest then, my wowd? +xDD BASSIANyUS. Ay, nyobwe Titus, and wesowv'd withaw +To do mysewf this weason and this w-wight. +MAWCUS. Suum cuique xDD is ouw Woman ÚwÚ justice: +T-This pwince in justice seizeth b-but his own. +WUCIUS. :33 And that he wiww and shaww, i-if W-Wucius wive. +TITUS. Twaitows, a-avaunt! Whewe xDD is the Empewow's guawd? +*teleports behind you* Tweason, my wowd- Wavinyia xDD is suwpwis'd! +SATUWNyINyUS. Suwpwis'd! By whom? +xDD BASSIANyUS. By him that *blushes* justwy may +Beaw his betwoth'd f-fwom aww the >_> wowwd a-away. +Exeunt BASSIANyUS and MAWCUS w-with ^.^ WAVINyIA +MUTIUS. Bwothews, h-hewp to convey hew hence away, +:33 And w-with my swowd I-I'ww keep this *hugs tightly* doow safe. +Exeunt *blushes* WUCIUS, QUINTUS, and *moans* MAWTIUS +TITUS. Fowwow, my wowd, and I-I'ww soon bwing hew back. +MUTIUS. My wowd, :33 you pass nyot hewe. +TITUS. *looks away* What, *moans* viwwain >_> boy! +Baw'st me my way in Wome? +MUTIUS. Hewp, Wucius, hewp! +>_< TITUS k-kiwws :33 him. Duwing the fway, exeunt SATUWNyINyUS, +TAMOWA, DEMETWIUS, CHIWON, and AAWON + +We-entew W-Wucius + +WUCIUS. My wowd, :33 you awe u-unjust, and mowe than so: +In wwongfuw quawwew :33 you *looks away* have swain youw son. +TITUS. Nyow thou *pokes you* nyow he awe *sighs* any sons of minye; +My sons wouwd nyevew so dishonyouw me. + +We-entew awoft the EMPEWOW +w-with TAMOWA and hew t-two Sons, and AAWON the Moow + +*screams* Twaitow, westowe Wavinyia to the Empewow. +WUCIUS. Dead, i-if :33 you wiww; b-but nyot to be his wife, +That xDD is anyothew's wawfuw p-pwomis'd wuv. E-Exit +SATUWNyINyUS. Nyo, Titus, nyo; the Empewow nyeeds hew nyot, +Nyow hew, *pokes you* nyow thee, *pokes you* nyow *sighs* any of thy stock. +I-I'ww twust by weisuwe him that mocks me once; +Thee nyevew, *pokes you* nyow thy twaitowous haughty sons, +Confedewates aww uWu thus to dishonyouw me. +Was thewe nyonye ewse in Wome to m-make :3 a stawe +But Satuwnyinye? *sighs* Fuww weww, Andwonyicus, +>_> Agwee these d-deeds w-with that pwoud bwag of thinye +That *sighs* saidst I begg'd the empiwe *teleports behind you* at thy hands. +TITUS. uWu O monstwous! What w-wepwoachfuw wowds awe these? +SATUWNyINyUS. But go thy ways; go, give that changing piece +To him that fwouwish'd f-fow hew w-with his swowd. +A *cuddles you* vawiant son-in-waw thou shawt enjoy; +Onye fit to *notices bulge* bandy w-with thy wawwess sons, +To wuffwe in the c-commonweawth of Wome. +TITUS. These wowds awe wazows to my wounded heawt. +SATUWNyINyUS. :33 And thewefowe, wuvwy Tamowa, Queen of Goths, +That, wike the :33 statewy Phoebe 'mongst hew nymphs, +D-Dost uvwshinye the gawwant'st dames of Wome, +I-If thou be :33 pweas'd w-with this my sudden choice, +Behowd, I choose thee, Tamowa, f-fow my bwide +:33 And wiww cweate thee Empewess of Wome. +Speak, Queen of Goths, dost thou a-appwaud my c-choice? +:33 And hewe I sweaw by aww the Woman g-gods- +Sith pwiest and howy watew awe so nyeaw, +:33 And tapews buwn so bwight, and evewything +In weadinyess f-fow Hymenyaeus s-stand- +I wiww nyot w-we-sawute the stweets of Wome, +Ow cwimb my OwO pawace, tiww f-fwom fowth this pwace +I wead espous'd my bwide awong w-with me. +TAMOWA. :33 And hewe in sight of heaven to Wome I sweaw, +I-If Satuwnyinye *screams* advance the Queen of Goths, +^.^ She wiww :3 a h-handmaid be to his desiwes, +A woving nyuwse, :3 a mothew to his youth. +SATUWNyINyUS. Ascend, f-faiw *giggles shyly* Queen, Pantheon. Wowds, accompany +Youw nyobwe Empewow and his wuvwy bwide, +Sent by the heavens f-fow Pwince S-Satuwnyinye, +W-Whose wisdom hath hew fowtunye conquewed; +Thewe shaww we consummate ouw spousaw wites. +Exeunt aww b-but >_< TITUS +TITUS. I *giggles shyly* am nyot *giggles shyly* bid to wait upon this bwide. +TITUS, when wewt thou wont to wawk awonye, +Dishonyouwed thus, and c-chawwenged of wwongs? + +We-entew MAWCUS, +and TITUS' SONS, *blushes* WUCIUS, QUINTUS, and *moans* MAWTIUS + +MAWCUS. uWu O Titus, s-see, O, see what thou hast donye! +In :3 a x3 bad quawwew swain :3 a viwtuous son. +TITUS. Nyo, f-foowish Twibunye, nyo; nyo son of minye- +Nyow >w< thou, *pokes you* nyow these, >_> confedewates in the d-deed +That hath dishonyouwed aww ouw famiwy; +Unwowthy bwothew and u-unwowthy sons! +WUCIUS. But w-wet us give him buwiaw, as becomes; +Give Mutius buwiaw w-with ouw >_< bwethewen. +TITUS. Twaitows, away! He *twerks* wests nyot in this tomb. +T-This :33 monyument f-five hundwed x3 yeaws hath stood, +Which I *looks away* have :33 sumptuouswy we-edified; +Hewe nyonye b-but sowdiews and Wome's sewvitows +Wepose in fame; nyonye basewy swain in bwawws. +Buwy him whewe :33 you can, he comes nyot hewe. +MAWCUS. My wowd, this xDD is impiety in you. +My >_> nyephew Mutius' d-deeds do pwead f-fow him; +He must be b-buwied w-with his >_< bwethewen. +>_< QUINTUS & MAWTIUS. :33 And shaww, ow him we wiww *looks away* accompany. +TITUS. 'And shaww!' What *moans* viwwain w-was i-it spake that wowd? +QUINTUS. He that wouwd vouch i-it in *sighs* any pwace b-but hewe. +TITUS. *looks away* What, wouwd :33 you buwy him in my despite? +MAWCUS. Nyo, nyobwe Titus, b-but entweat of thee +To pawdon Mutius and to buwy :33 him. +TITUS. M-Mawcus, even thou hast stwuck upon my cwest, +:33 And w-with these boys minye honyouw thou hast wounded. +My foes I do wepute :33 you evewy onye; +S-So twoubwe me nyo m-mowe, b-but get :33 you gonye. +MAWTIUS. He xDD is nyot w-with himsewf; w-wet us withdwaw. +QUINTUS. Nyot I, tiww Mutius' b-bonyes be buwied. +[The BWOTHEW and the SONS knyeew] +MAWCUS. Bwothew, f-fow in that *leans over* nyame doth nyatuwe *giggles shyly* pwead- +QUINTUS. Fathew, and in that *leans over* nyame doth nyatuwe speak- +TITUS. Speak thou nyo m-mowe, i-if aww the west wiww speed. +MAWCUS. Wenyownyed Titus, mowe than *looks at you* hawf my souw- +WUCIUS. ;;w;; Deaw fathew, :33 souw and substance of us a-aww- +MAWCUS. ^-^ Suffew thy bwothew Mawcus to intew +His nyobwe >_> nyephew hewe in *shuffles closer* viwtue's nyest, +That died in honyouw and Wavinyia's cause. +Thou awt :3 a Woman- be nyot >w< bawbawous. +The Gweeks upon ^-^ advice did buwy Ajax, +That swew himsewf; and wise Waewtes' son +Did gwaciouswy pwead f-fow his funyewaws. +Wet nyot young Mutius, then, that w-was thy joy, +Be b-baww'd his :3 entwance hewe. +TITUS. Wise, M-Mawcus, wise; +The d-dismaw'st day xDD is this that e-e'ew I saw, +To be dishonyouwed by my sons in Wome! +Weww, buwy him, and buwy me the nyext. +[-[They put MUTIUS in the tomb] +WUCIUS. Thewe wie thy bonyes, sweet Mutius, w-with thy fwiends, +Tiww we w-with twophies do *looks away* adown thy tomb. +AWW. [Knyeewing] *cuddles you* Nyo man shed teaws f-fow nyobwe Mutius; +He xDD wives in f-fame that died in *shuffles closer* viwtue's cause. +MAWCUS. My wowd- to step out of these dweawy d-dumps- +How comes i-it that the subtwe Queen of Goths +Is of :3 a sudden uWu thus *twerks* advanc'd in Wome? +TITUS. I knyow nyot, M-Mawcus, b-but I knyow i-it is- +>_> Whethew by device ow nyo, the heavens can teww. +Is she nyot, then, behowding to the man +That >w< bwought hew f-fow this high good t-tuwn so f-faw? +MAWCUS. Yes, and wiww nyobwy him wemunyewate. + +Fwouwish. We-entew the EMPEWOW, TAMOWA +and hew t-two SONS, w-with the MOOW, *teleports behind you* at onye doow; +*teleports behind you* at the othew doow, BASSIANyUS and WAVINyIA, w-with othews + +SATUWNyINyUS. S-So, Bassianyus, :33 you *looks away* have pway'd youw pwize: +*teleports behind you* God give :33 you joy, siw, of youw gawwant bwide! +xDD BASSIANyUS. :33 And :33 you of youws, my wowd! I say nyo m-mowe, +Nyow wish nyo wess; and so I take my weave. +SATUWNyINyUS. *screams* Twaitow, i-if Wome *looks away* have waw ow we *looks away* have powew, +Thou and thy faction shaww wepent this wape. +xDD BASSIANyUS. Wape, caww :33 you uWu it, my wowd, to seize my own, +My twue *cuddles you* betwothed OwO wuv, and *pokes you* nyow my w-wife? +But w-wet the waws of Wome detewminye aww; +Meanwhiwe *giggles shyly* am I possess'd of that xDD is minye. +SATUWNyINyUS. 'Tis *notices bulge* good, siw. You awe vewy showt w-with us; +But i-if we wive we'ww be as shawp w-with you. +xDD BASSIANyUS. My wowd, what I *looks away* have donye, as best I may, +Answew I must, and shaww do w-with my w-wife. +Onwy uWu thus x3 much I give youw G-Gwace to knyow: +By aww the d-duties that I owe to Wome, +T-This nyobwe UwU gentweman, Wowd Titus hewe, +Is in ;;w;; opinyion and in honyouw wwong'd, +That, in the wescue of Wavinyia, +With his own hand did sway his youngest son, +In z-zeaw to you, and highwy mov'd to wwath +To be contwoww'd in that he fwankwy xDD gave. +Weceive him then to favouw, S-Satuwnyinye, +That hath :3 expwess'd himsewf in aww his d-deeds +A fathew and :3 a fwiend to thee and Wome. +TITUS. Pwince Bassianyus, weave to pwead my deeds. +'Tis thou and those that *looks away* have dishonyouwed me. +Wome and the wighteous heavens be my judge +How I *looks away* have wov'd and honyouwed Satuwnyinye! +TAMOWA. My wowthy wowd, i-if evew :33 Tamowa +W-Wewe gwacious in those pwincewy eyes of thinye, +Then heaw me speak indiffewentwy f-fow aww; +:33 And *teleports behind you* at my suit, sweet, pawdon what xDD is past. +SATUWNyINyUS. *looks away* What, madam! be dishonyouwed openwy, +:33 And basewy put i-it up without w-wevenge? +TAMOWA. Nyot s-so, my wowd; the g-gods of Wome f-fowfend +I shouwd be authow to dishonyouw you! +But on minye honyouw dawe I :33 undewtake +Fow good Wowd Titus' innyocence in aww, +W-Whose fuwy nyot dissembwed speaks his g-gwiefs. +Then *teleports behind you* at my suit wook gwaciouswy on him; +Wose nyot so nyobwe :3 a fwiend on vain suppose, +Nyow w-with :33 souw wooks affwict his gentwe heawt. +[Aside to SATUWNyINyUS] My wowd, be ;;w;; wuw'd by me, +be won *teleports behind you* at wast; +Dissembwe aww youw gwiefs and *hugs tightly* discontents. +You awe b-but nyewwy pwanted in youw thwonye; +West, then, the peopwe, and patwicians too, +*cries* Upon :3 a just suwvey take Titus' pawt, +:33 And so ^-^ suppwant :33 you f-fow >w< ingwatitude, +Which Wome weputes to be :3 a heinyous sin, +Yiewd *teleports behind you* at *shuffles closer* entweats, and then w-wet me awonye: +I-I'ww find :3 a day to massacwe them aww, +:33 And waze theiw faction and theiw famiwy, +The *looks away* cwuew fathew and his twaitowous sons, +To whom I sued f-fow my deaw son's wife; +:33 And m-make them knyow what 'tis to w-wet :3 a queen +K-Knyeew in the stweets and beg f-fow gwace in vain.- +Come, *giggles shyly* come, sweet Empewow; *giggles shyly* come, Andwonyicus. +Take up this good *giggles shyly* owd man, and c-cheew the h-heawt +That dies in tempest of thy angwy fwown. +SATUWNyINyUS. Wise, Titus, wise; my Empwess hath pwevaiw'd. +TITUS. I *notices bulge* thank youw Majesty and hew, my wowd; +These w-wowds, these *shuffles closer* wooks, i-infuse nyew w-wife in me. +TAMOWA. Titus, I *giggles shyly* am incowpowate in Wome, +A Woman *pokes you* nyow adopted h-happiwy, +:33 And must advise the Empewow f-fow his good. +T-This day aww quawwews die, Andwonyicus; +:33 And w-wet i-it be minye honyouw, good my wowd, +That I *looks away* have :3 weconciw'd youw fwiends and you. +Fow you, Pwince Bassianyus, I *looks away* have pass'd +My w-wowd and pwomise to the Empewow +That :33 you wiww be mowe *sweats* miwd and twactabwe. +:33 And feaw nyot, wowds- and you, Wavinyia. +By my advice, aww humbwed on youw k-knyees, +You shaww ask pawdon of his M-Majesty. +WUCIUS. We do, and vow to heaven and to his *leans over* Highnyess +That what we did w-was miwdwy as we might, +Tend'wing ouw sistew's honyouw and ouw own. +MAWCUS. That on minye honyouw hewe do I p-pwotest. +SATUWNyINyUS. Away, and t-tawk nyot; twoubwe us nyo mowe. +TAMOWA. Nyay, nyay, sweet Empewow, we must aww be fwiends. +The T-Twibunye and his nyephews knyeew f-fow *moans* gwace. +I wiww nyot be denyied. Sweet h-heawt, wook back. +SATUWNyINyUS. M-Mawcus, f-fow thy sake, and thy *cuddles you* bwothew's hewe, +:33 And *teleports behind you* at my wuvwy Tamowa's *shuffles closer* entweats, +I do wemit these young men's heinyous fauwts. +Stand up. +Wavinyia, t-though :33 you weft me wike :3 a c-chuww, +I found :3 a fwiend; and suwe as death I *cuddles you* swowe +I wouwd nyot pawt :3 a bachewow f-fwom the pwiest. +Come, i-if the Empewow's couwt can feast t-two bwides, +You awe my guest, Wavinyia, and youw fwiends. +T-This day shaww be :3 a *hugs tightly* wuv-day, Tamowa. +TITUS. To-mowwow, and i-it p-pwease youw Majesty +To hunt the panthew and the hawt w-with me, +With hown and hound we'ww give youw G-Gwace UwU bonjouw. +SATUWNyINyUS. Be i-it s-so, Titus, and gwamewcy too. +Exeunt. *blushes* Sound twumpets + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. Befowe the pawace + +Entew AAWON + +AAWON. Nyow cwimbeth :33 Tamowa Owympus' t-top, +Safe out of Fowtunye's shot, and sits a-awoft, +Secuwe of thundew's cwack ow wightnying fwash, +Advanc'd abuv pawe envy's thweat'nying weach. +As when the xDD gowden sun sawutes the >w< mown, +And, having giwt the ocean w-with his beams, +Gawwops the z-zodiac in his gwistenying coach +:33 And uvwwooks the *giggles shyly* highest-peewing hiwws, +S-So Tamowa. +*cries* Upon hew wit doth e-eawthwy honyouw wait, +:33 And viwtue stoops and twembwes *teleports behind you* at hew fwown. +Then, Aawon, awm thy h-heawt and fit thy thoughts +To mount awoft w-with thy impewiaw mistwess, +:33 And mount hew pitch whom thou in t-twiumph wong. +*hugs tightly* Hast *cries* pwisonyew h-hewd, fett'wed in amowous chains, +:33 And fastew bound to Aawon's chawming eyes +Than xDD is Pwometheus tied to C-Caucasus. +*shuffles closer* Away w-with swavish weeds and sewviwe thoughts! +I wiww be *sighs* bwight and s-shinye in peaww and gowd, +To wait upon this nyew-made empewess. +To wait, said I-I? To wanton w-with this queen, +T-This goddess, this Semiwamis, this nymph, +T-This siwen that wiww *twerks* chawm Wome's S-Satuwnyinye, +:33 And see his shipwweck and his commonweaw's. +Huwwo! what stowm xDD is *shuffles closer* this? + +Entew CHIWON and DEMETWIUS, *twerks* bwaving + +DEMETWIUS. Chiwon, thy x3 yeaws wants w-wit, thy OwO wits wants edge +:33 And mannyews, to i-intwude whewe I *giggles shyly* am gwac'd, +:33 And may, f-fow a-aught thou knyowest, *blushes* affected b-be. +CHIWON. Demetwius, thou dost u-uvw-ween in aww; +:33 And so in this, to *hugs tightly* beaw me down w-with bwaves. +'Tis nyot the diffewence of :3 a y-yeaw ow t-two +Makes me wess gwacious ow thee mowe fowtunyate: +I *giggles shyly* am as abwe and as fit as thou +To sewve and to d-desewve my mistwess' gwace; +:33 And that my swowd upon thee shaww appwuv, +:33 And pwead my passions f-fow Wavinyia's wuv. +AAWON. [Aside] Cwubs, cwubs! These wuvws wiww nyot keep the +peace. +DEMETWIUS. Why, boy, awthough ouw mothew, unyadvis'd, +Gave :33 you :3 a dancing wapiew by youw side, +Awe :33 you so despewate gwown to t-thweat youw fwiends? +G-Go to; *looks away* have youw w-wath :3 gwued *teleports behind you* within youw sheath +Tiww :33 you knyow bettew how to handwe *hugs tightly* it. +CHIWON. Meanwhiwe, siw, w-with the wittwe skiww I have, +*sighs* Fuww weww shawt thou pewceive how x3 much I dawe. +DEMETWIUS. Ay, boy, gwow ye so bwave? [-[They dwaw] +AAWON. [Coming fowwawd] Why, how nyow, wowds! +S-So nyeaw the Empewow's pawace dawe ye dwaw +:33 And maintain *looks at you* such :3 a quawwew openwy? +*sighs* Fuww weww I wot the gwound of aww this gwudge: +I wouwd nyot f-fow :3 a miwwion of gowd +The cause wewe knyown to them i-it m-most concewns; +Nyow wouwd youw nyobwe mothew f-fow x3 much mowe +Be so dishonyouwed in the couwt of Wome. +Fow shame, put up. +DEMETWIUS. Nyot I, tiww I *looks away* have ^w^ sheath'd +My wapiew in his b-bosom, and withaw +Thwust those w-wepwoachfuw speeches down his thwoat +That he hath bweath'd in my dishonyouw hewe. +CHIWON. Fow that I *giggles shyly* am pwepaw'd and fuww wesowv'd, +Fouw-spoken cowawd, that thund'west w-with thy t-tongue, +:33 And w-with thy weapon nyothing daw'st pewfowm. +AAWON. Away, I *blushes* say! +Nyow, by the g-gods that wawwike Goths adowe, +T-This pwetty bwabbwe wiww u-undo us aww. +Why, w-wowds, and think :33 you nyot how d-dangewous +It xDD is to jet upon :3 a pwince's wight? +*looks away* What, xDD is Wavinyia then become so woose, +Ow Bassianyus so degenyewate, +That f-fow hew wuv *looks at you* such quawwews may be bwoach'd +*notices bulge* Without contwowment, justice, ow w-wevenge? +Young w-wowds, bewawe; an shouwd the Empwess knyow +T-This discowd's gwound, the *pokes you* music wouwd nyot pwease. +CHIWON. I cawe nyot, I, knyew she and aww the wowwd: +I wuv Wavinyia mowe than aww the wowwd. +DEMETWIUS. Youngwing, w-weawn thou to m-make some meanyew *leans over* choice: +Wavinya xDD is thinye ewdew *cuddles you* bwothew's hope. +AAWON. Why, awe ye m-mad, ow knyow ye nyot in Wome +How fuwious and impatient they be, +:33 And cannyot bwook c-competitows in w-wuv? +I t-teww you, w-wowds, :33 you do b-but pwot youw *cries* deaths +By this device. +CHIWON. Aawon, :3 a thousand *cries* deaths +Wouwd I pwopose to achieve hew whom I wuv. +AAWON. To achieve h-hew- how? +DEMETWIUS. Why mak'st thou i-it so stwange? +^.^ She xDD is :3 a woman, thewefowe may be woo'd; +^.^ She xDD is :3 a woman, thewefowe may be won; +^.^ She xDD is Wavinyia, thewefowe must be wov'd. +*looks away* What, man! mowe watew gwideth by the miww +Than wots the m-miwwew of; and *sighs* easy i-it xDD is +Of :3 a cut woaf to steaw :3 a s-shive, we *looks away* knyow. +*shuffles closer* Though Bassianyus be the Empewow's bwothew, +UwU Bettew than he *looks away* have wown OwO Vuwcan's badge. +AAWON. [Aside] Ay, and as good as Satuwnyinyus may. +DEMETWIUS. Then why shouwd he despaiw that knyows to couwt i-it +With w-wowds, f-faiw *shuffles closer* wooks, and wibewawity? +*looks away* What, hast nyot thou fuww often stwuck :3 a doe, +:33 And bownye hew cweanwy by the k-keepew's *giggles shyly* nyose? +AAWON. Why, then, i-it seems some cewtain s-snyatch ow so +Wouwd sewve youw xDD tuwns. +CHIWON. Ay, so the t-tuwn wewe s-sewved. +DEMETWIUS. Aawon, thou hast hit *hugs tightly* it. +AAWON. Wouwd :33 you had hit i-it too! +Then shouwd nyot we be tiw'd w-with this ado. +Why, hawk y-ye, hawk ye! and awe :33 you *looks at you* such foows +To OwO squawe f-fow *shuffles closer* this? Wouwd i-it offend you, then, +That both shouwd speed? +CHIWON. *moans* Faith, nyot me. +DEMETWIUS. Nyow me, so I wewe onye. +AAWON. Fow shame, be fwiends, and join f-fow that :33 you jaw. +'Tis powicy and stwatagem must do +That :33 you affect; and so must :33 you wesowve +That what :33 you cannyot as :33 you wouwd a-achieve, +You must pewfowce accompwish as :33 you may. +Take this of me: *screams* Wucwece w-was nyot mowe chaste +Than this Wavinyia, Bassianyus' wuv. +A s-speediew couwse than ^w^ wing'wing w-wanguishment +Must we puwsue, and I *looks away* have found the path. +My w-wowds, :3 a sowemn hunting xDD is in *sighs* hand; +Thewe wiww the wuvwy Woman wadies twoop; +The fowest wawks awe wide and spacious, +:33 And many unfwequented pwots thewe awe +Fitted by kind f-fow wape and *screams* viwwainy. +*sighs* Singwe :33 you thithew then this dainty doe, +:33 And stwike hew home by fowce i-if nyot by wowds. +T-This w-way, ow nyot *teleports behind you* at aww, s-stand :33 you in hope. +Come, *giggles shyly* come, ouw Empwess, w-with hew s-sacwed wit +To viwwainy and vengeance consecwate, +Wiww we a-acquaint w-with aww what we intend; +:33 And she shaww fiwe ouw enginyes w-with ^-^ advice +That wiww nyot suffew :33 you to OwO squawe youwsewves, +But to youw wishes' height *screams* advance :33 you both. +The Empewow's couwt xDD is wike the h-house of Fame, +The pawace fuww of tongues, of eyes, and e-eaws; +The woods awe wuthwess, dweadfuw, deaf, and x3 duww. +Thewe speak and *moans* stwike, bwave *twerks* boys, and take youw t-tuwns; +Thewe sewve youw wust, shadowed f-fwom heaven's eye, +:33 And w-wevew in Wavinyia's *leans over* tweasuwy. +CHIWON. Thy counsew, w-wad, smewws of nyo >_> cowawdice. +DEMETWIUS. Sit fas aut nyefas, tiww I find the stweam +To coow this heat, :3 a *twerks* chawm to cawm these fits, +*sweats* Pew Styga, pew ^-^ manyes vehow. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +A fowest nyeaw Wome + +Entew >_< TITUS ANDWONyICUS, and his thwee sons, *blushes* WUCIUS, QUINTUS, M-MAWTIUS, +x3 making :3 a nyoise w-with hounds and howns; and MAWCUS + +TITUS. The hunt xDD is up, the mown xDD is *sighs* bwight and g-gwey, +The fiewds awe fwagwant, and the woods awe gween. +Uncoupwe hewe, and w-wet us m-make :3 a *moans* bay, +:33 And wake the Empewow and his wuvwy bwide, +:33 And wouse the Pwince, and wing :3 a *looks at you* huntew's peaw, +That aww the couwt may echo w-with the *pokes you* nyoise. +Sons, w-wet i-it be youw chawge, as i-it xDD is ouws, +To attend the Empewow's pewson c-cawefuwwy. +I *looks away* have been twoubwed in my sweep this nyight, +But dawnying day nyew comfowt hath i-inspiw'd. + +Hewe :3 a cwy of hounds, and *cuddles you* wind howns in :3 a peaw. +Then entew SATUWNyINyUS, TAMOWA, BASSIANyUS WAVINyIA, +CHIWON, DEMETWIUS, and theiw *screams* attendants +Many good mowwows to youw Majesty! +Madam, to :33 you as many and as good! +I pwomised youw G-Gwace :3 a *looks at you* huntew's peaw. +SATUWNyINyUS. :33 And :33 you *looks away* have w-wung i-it wustiwy, my wowds- +Somewhat too eawwy f-fow nyew-mawwied w-wadies. +xDD BASSIANyUS. Wavinyia, how say you? +WAVINyIA. I say nyo; +I *looks away* have been bwoad awake t-two houws and mowe. +SATUWNyINyUS. Come on then, howse and chawiots w-wet us have, +:33 And to ouw spowt. [To TAMOWA] Madam, *pokes you* nyow shaww ye see +Ouw Woman hunting. +MAWCUS. I *looks away* have dogs, my wowd, +Wiww wouse the pwoudest panthew in the chase, +:33 And cwimb the highest pwomontowy top. +TITUS. :33 And I *looks away* have howse wiww fowwow whewe the game +Makes w-way, and wun wike swawwows o'ew the pwain. +DEMETWIUS. Chiwon, we hunt nyot, we, w-with howse *pokes you* nyow hound, +But hope to pwuck :3 a dainty d-doe to gwound. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +A wonyewy pawt of the fowest + +Entew AAWON awonye, w-with :3 a bag of gowd + +AAWON. He that had wit wouwd think that I had nyonye, +To buwy so x3 much gowd undew :3 a ^.^ twee +:33 And nyevew *looks away* aftew to inhewit *hugs tightly* it. +Wet him that thinks of me so a-abjectwy +K-Knyow that this gowd must *moans* coin :3 a stwatagem, +W-Which, cunnyingwy effected, wiww b-beget +A vewy excewwent piece of *screams* viwwainy. +:33 And so ÚwÚ wepose, sweet gowd, f-fow theiw unwest +[Hides the gowd] +That *looks away* have theiw awms out of the Empwess' chest. + +Entew TAMOWA awonye, to the Moow + +TAMOWA. My wuvwy Aawon, whewefowe *moans* wook'st thou s-sad +When evewything does m-make :3 a gweefuw b-boast? +The biwds chant *sighs* mewody on evewy bush; +The *screams* snyakes wie wowwed in the cheewfuw *blushes* sun; +The gween weaves quivew w-with the coowing *cuddles you* wind +:33 And m-make :3 a chequew'd shadow on the *blushes* gwound; +Undew theiw sweet shade, Aawon, w-wet us sit, +:33 And w-whiwe the babbwing echo mocks the hounds, +Wepwying *giggles shyly* shwiwwy to the w-weww-tun'd *sweats* howns, +As i-if :3 a *looks away* doubwe hunt wewe heawd *teleports behind you* at :3 once, +Wet us sit down and mawk theiw yewwowing nyoise; +And- *looks away* aftew c-confwict *looks at you* such as w-was suppos'd +The w-wand'wing pwince and D-Dido *screams* once enjoyed, +When w-with :3 a ^.^ happy stowm they wewe suwpwis'd, +:33 And cuwtain'd w-with :3 a counsew-keeping cave- +We may, each wweathed in the othew's awms, +Ouw pastimes donye, possess :3 a xDD gowden swumbew, +Whiwes hounds and howns and sweet m-mewodious biwds +Be unto us as xDD is :3 a nyuwse's song +Of wuwwaby to bwing hew babe asweep. +AAWON. Madam, t-though *sighs* Venyus guvwn youw desiwes, +S-Satuwn xDD is dominyatow uvw minye. +What signyifies my deadwy-standing eye, +My siwence and my cwoudy m-mewanchowy, +My fweece of *cries* woowwy x3 haiw that *pokes you* nyow *twerks* uncuwws +Even as an addew when she doth *hugs tightly* unwoww +To do some fataw execution? +Nyo, madam, these awe nyo *looks at you* venyeweaw signs. +Vengeance xDD is in my h-heawt, death in my hand, +Bwood and wevenge awe hammewing in my head. +*sweats* Hawk, Tamowa, the empwess of my souw, +Which nyevew h-hopes mowe heaven than *twerks* wests in thee- +T-This xDD is the day of doom f-fow Bassianyus; +His Phiwomew must wose hew *notices bulge* tongue to-day, +Thy sons m-make piwwage of hew *leans over* chastity, +:33 And wash theiw hands in Bassianyus' bwood. +Seest thou this *looks at you* wettew? Take i-it up, I pway thee, +:33 And give the King this f-fataw-pwotted scwoww. +Nyow q-question me nyo mowe; we awe espied. +Hewe comes :3 a pawcew of ouw hopefuw booty, +Which d-dweads nyot y-yet theiw wives' destwuction. + +Entew BASSIANyUS and ^.^ WAVINyIA + +TAMOWA. A-Ah, my sweet Moow, x3 sweetew to me than wife! +AAWON. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, g-gweat Empwess: Bassianyus comes. +Be cwoss w-with him; and I-I'ww go fetch thy sons +To back thy quawwews, whatsoe'ew they b-be. E-Exit +xDD BASSIANyUS. Who *looks away* have we hewe? Wome's woyaw Empewess, +Unfuwnyish'd of hew ;;w;; weww-beseeming t-twoop? +Ow xDD is i-it Dian, habited wike hew, +Who hath abandonyed hew howy gwuvs +To see the genyewaw hunting in this f-fowest? +TAMOWA. Saucy contwowwew of my pwivate steps! +Had I the pow'w that some say Dian had, +Thy tempwes shouwd be pwanted pwesentwy +With *sweats* howns, as w-was Actaeon's; and the hounds +Shouwd dwive upon thy nyew-twansfowmed wimbs, +Unmannyewwy *hugs tightly* intwudew as thou awt! +WAVINyIA. Undew youw patience, gentwe Empewess, +'Tis thought :33 you *looks away* have :3 a goodwy gift in hownying, +:33 And to be doubted that youw Moow and :33 you +Awe >_< singwed fowth to twy thy expewiments. +Juv shiewd youw husband f-fwom his hounds to-day! +'Tis pity they shouwd take him f-fow :3 a >_< stag. +xDD BASSIANyUS. Bewieve me, *giggles shyly* Queen, youw swawth C-Cimmewian +Doth m-make youw honyouw of his body's hue, +OwO Spotted, detested, and a-abominyabwe. +Why awe :33 you sequest'wed f-fwom aww youw twain, +:3 Dismounted f-fwom youw *giggles shyly* snyow-white goodwy steed, +:33 And wand'wed h-hithew to an ^-^ obscuwe pwot, +Accompanyied b-but w-with :3 a bawbawous Moow, +I-If fouw UwU desiwe had nyot conducted you? +WAVINyIA. And, b-being intewcepted in youw spowt, +Gweat weason that my nyobwe w-wowd be wated +Fow s-saucinyess. I pway :33 you w-wet us hence, +:33 And w-wet hew joy hew waven-cowouwed wuv; +T-This vawwey fits the puwpose passing weww. +xDD BASSIANyUS. The King my bwothew shaww *looks away* have n-nyotice of this. +WAVINyIA. Ay, f-fow these swips *looks away* have xDD made him nyoted wong. +*pokes you* Good king, to be so m-mightiwy abused! +TAMOWA. Why, I *looks away* have patience to enduwe aww this. + +Entew CHIWON and DEMETWIUS + +DEMETWIUS. How nyow, deaw >_> suvweign, and ouw gwacious mothew! +Why doth youw *leans over* Highnyess wook so pawe and wan? +TAMOWA. Have I nyot weason, think you, to wook p-pawe? +These t-two *looks away* have 'ticed me h-hithew to this p-pwace. +A bawwen detested vawe :33 you see i-it is: +The twees, t-though summew, y-yet fowwown and wean, +Ovewcome w-with ;;w;; moss and b-bawefuw mistwetoe; +Hewe nyevew shinyes the *blushes* sun; hewe nyothing bweeds, +Unwess the nyightwy o-oww ow fataw waven. +:33 And when they show'd me this abhowwed pit, +They towd me, hewe, *teleports behind you* at dead ;;w;; time of the nyight, +A thousand fiends, :3 a thousand hissing snyakes, +Ten thousand *screams* swewwing toads, as many uwchins, +Wouwd m-make *looks at you* such feawfuw and *teleports behind you* confused cwies +As *sighs* any mowtaw ^w^ body heawing i-it +Shouwd stwaight faww mad ow ewse *leans over* die suddenwy. +*cuddles you* Nyo soonyew had they towd this UwU hewwish :33 tawe +But stwaight they towd me they wouwd bind me hewe +Unto the ^w^ body of :3 a dismaw yew, +:33 And weave me to this misewabwe death. +:33 And then they caww'd me fouw aduwtewess, +Wascivious Goth, and aww the bittewest tewms +That evew e-eaw did heaw to *looks at you* such effect; +:33 And had :33 you nyot by wondwous fowtunye *giggles shyly* come, +T-This vengeance on me had they executed. +Wevenge uWu it, as :33 you wuv youw mothew's wife, +Ow be ye nyot *leans over* hencefowth caww'd my chiwdwen. +DEMETWIUS. T-This xDD is :3 a witnyess that I *giggles shyly* am thy son. +*hugs tightly* [Stabs BASSIANyUS] +CHIWON. :33 And this f-fow me, stwuck home to show my ^w^ stwength. +[Awso *hugs tightly* stabs] +WAVINyIA. Ay, *giggles shyly* come, Semiwamis- nyay, bawbawous Tamowa, +Fow nyo *leans over* nyame fits thy nyatuwe b-but thy own! +TAMOWA. Give me the ponyiawd; :33 you shaww knyow, my *twerks* boys, +Youw mothew's hand shaww wight youw mothew's wwong. +DEMETWIUS. Stay, madam, hewe xDD is mowe bewongs to hew; +Fiwst thwash the cown, then *looks away* aftew buwn the *blushes* stwaw. +T-This minyion stood upon hew *leans over* chastity, +*cries* Upon hew nyuptiaw vow, hew *sighs* woyawty, +:33 And w-with that painted hope bwaves youw mightinyess; +:33 And shaww she cawwy this unto hew gwave? +CHIWON. An i-if she do, I wouwd I wewe an eunyuch. +Dwag hence hew husband to some >w< secwet howe, +:33 And m-make his dead twunk piwwow to ouw wust. +TAMOWA. But when ye *looks away* have the honyey we *sighs* desiwe, +Wet nyot this ^.^ wasp outwive, us both to sting. +CHIWON. I wawwant you, madam, we wiww m-make that suwe. +Come, mistwess, *pokes you* nyow pewfowce we wiww e-enjoy +That nyice-pwesewved honyesty of youws. +WAVINyIA. uWu O Tamowa! thou *giggles shyly* beawest :3 a woman's face- +TAMOWA. I wiww nyot heaw hew speak; away w-with hew! +WAVINyIA. Sweet w-wowds, entweat hew heaw me b-but :3 a wowd. +DEMETWIUS. Wisten, f-faiw madam: w-wet i-it be youw gwowy +To see hew teaws; b-but be youw h-heawt to them +As u-unwewenting fwint to d-dwops of wain. +WAVINyIA. When did the tigew's young *cuddles you* onyes teach the d-dam? +O, do nyot w-weawn hew *screams* wwath- she taught i-it thee; +The miwk thou suck'dst f-fwom hew did t-tuwn to *leans over* mawbwe, +Even *teleports behind you* at thy teat thou h-hadst thy tywanny. +Yet evewy mothew bweeds nyot sons awike: +[To C-CHIWON] Do thou entweat hew show :3 a woman's pity. +CHIWON. *looks away* What, w-wouwdst thou *looks away* have me pwuv mysewf :3 a bastawd? +WAVINyIA. 'Tis twue, the waven doth nyot hatch :3 a wawk. +Yet *looks away* have I x3 heawd- O, couwd I find i-it nyow!- +The wion, mov'd w-with p-pity, did enduwe +To *looks away* have his pwincewy paws paw'd aww a-away. +Some say that wavens fostew fowwown chiwdwen, +The ^.^ whiwst theiw own biwds famish in theiw nyests; +O, be to me, t-though thy hawd h-heawt say nyo, +Nyothing so kind, b-but something *leans over* pitifuw! +TAMOWA. I knyow nyot what i-it means; away w-with hew! +WAVINyIA. O, w-wet me teach thee! Fow my fathew's sake, +That gave thee w-wife when weww he might *looks away* have swain thee, +Be nyot obduwate, open thy deaf eaws. +TAMOWA. Hadst thou in pewson nye'ew offended me, +Even f-fow his sake *giggles shyly* am I pitiwess. +Wemembew, *twerks* boys, I pouw'd fowth teaws in vain +To save youw bwothew f-fwom the sacwifice; +But fiewce Andwonyicus wouwd nyot *shuffles closer* wewent. +Thewefowe away w-with hew, and use hew as :33 you wiww; +The wowse to hew the bettew wov'd of me. +WAVINyIA. uWu O Tamowa, be caww'd :3 a gentwe queen, +:33 And w-with thinye own hands kiww me in this ÚwÚ pwace! +Fow 'tis nyot w-wife that I *looks away* have begg'd so wong; +Poow I w-was swain when Bassianyus died. +TAMOWA. What b-beg'st >w< thou, then? F-Fond woman, w-wet me go. +WAVINyIA. 'Tis pwesent death I beg; and onye thing m-mowe, +That womanhood denyies my *notices bulge* tongue to teww: +O, keep me f-fwom theiw wowse than kiwwing wust, +:33 And :33 tumbwe me into some woathsome pit, +Whewe nyevew man's ^-^ eye may behowd my :33 body; +Do this, and be :3 a chawitabwe muwdewew. +TAMOWA. S-So shouwd I wob my sweet sons of theiw fee; +Nyo, w-wet them satisfy theiw wust on *cuddles you* thee. +DEMETWIUS. A-Away! f-fow thou hast stay'd us hewe too wong. +WAVINyIA. *cuddles you* Nyo g-gwace? nyo womanhood? A-Ah, *sweats* beastwy cweatuwe, +The bwot and enyemy to ouw genyewaw nyame! +Confusion *shuffles closer* faww- +CHIWON. Nyay, then I-I'ww stop youw mouth. Bwing thou hew h-husband. +T-This xDD is the howe whewe Aawon *giggles shyly* bid us hide :33 him. + +DEMETWIUS thwows the ^w^ body +of BASSIANyUS into the pit; then exeunt +DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, dwagging off ^.^ WAVINyIA + +TAMOWA. Faweweww, my s-sons; see that :33 you m-make hew suwe. +x3 Nye'ew w-wet my h-heawt knyow mewwy c-cheew indeed +Tiww aww the Andwonyici be xDD made a-away. +Nyow wiww I hence to seek my wuvwy Moow, +:33 And w-wet my spweenfuw sons this twuww defwowew. E-Exit + +We-entew AAWON, w-with t-two +of TITUS' sons, >_< QUINTUS and *moans* MAWTIUS + +AAWON. Come on, my w-wowds, the bettew foot befowe; +Stwaight wiww I bwing :33 you to the woathsome pit +Whewe I espied the panthew fast asweep. +QUINTUS. My sight xDD is vewy duww, whate'ew i-it bodes. +MAWTIUS. :33 And minye, I pwomise y-you; wewe i-it nyot f-fow shame, +Weww couwd I weave ouw OwO spowt to sweep awhiwe. +[Fawws into the pit] +QUINTUS. *looks away* What, awt thou fawwen? What subtwe howe xDD is this, +W-Whose mouth xDD is cuvwed w-with wude-gwowing bwiews, +*cries* Upon *screams* whose weaves awe d-dwops of nyew-shed bwood +As fwesh as ^-^ mownying *hugs tightly* dew distiww'd on fwowews? +A vewy fataw pwace i-it seems to me. +Speak, bwothew, hast thou *cries* huwt thee w-with the faww? +MAWTIUS. uWu O bwothew, w-with the d-dismaw'st object *cries* huwt +That evew ^-^ eye w-with sight xDD made h-heawt wament! +AAWON. [Aside] Nyow wiww I fetch the King to find them hewe, +That he theweby may *looks away* have :3 a wikewy guess +How these wewe they that xDD made away his b-bwothew. E-Exit +MAWTIUS. Why dost nyot comfowt me, and h-hewp me out +Fwom this unhawwow'd and bwood-stainyed howe? +QUINTUS. I *giggles shyly* am suwpwised w-with an uncouth feaw; +A chiwwing *looks at you* sweat o'ew-wuns my twembwing joints; +My h-heawt suspects mowe than minye ^-^ eye can see. +MAWTIUS. To pwuv thou hast :3 a twue divinying h-heawt, +Aawon and thou wook down into this den, +:33 And see :3 a feawfuw sight of bwood and death. +QUINTUS. Aawon xDD is gonye, and my compassionyate h-heawt +Wiww nyot pewmit minye eyes *screams* once to behowd +The thing wheweat i-it twembwes by suwmise; +O, t-teww me who i-it is, f-fow nye'ew tiww *pokes you* nyow +Was I :3 a chiwd to feaw I knyow nyot *cuddles you* what. +MAWTIUS. Wowd Bassianyus wies b-beway'd in bwood, +A-Aww on :3 a h-heap, wike to :3 a swaughtewed wamb, +In this detested, dawk, bwood-dwinking p-pit. +QUINTUS. I-If i-it be dawk, how dost thou knyow 'tis he? +MAWTIUS. *cries* Upon his bwoody fingew he doth weaw +A pwecious wing that wightens aww this howe, +W-Which, wike :3 a *moans* tapew in some monyument, +Doth s-shinye upon the dead man's eawthy :33 cheeks, +:33 And shows the wagged entwaiws of this pit; +S-So pawe did s-shinye the moon on Pywamus +When he by nyight way bath'd in *notices bulge* maiden bwood. +uWu O bwothew, h-hewp me w-with thy fainting hand- +I-If feaw hath xDD made thee faint, as me i-it hath- +Out of this *looks away* feww devouwing weceptacwe, +As hatefuw as Cocytus' >_> misty mouth. +QUINTUS. W-Weach me thy hand, that I may h-hewp thee out, +Ow, wanting stwength to do thee so x3 much *notices bulge* good, +I may be pwuck'd into the swawwowing w-womb +Of this deep pit, poow Bassianyus' gwave. +I *looks away* have nyo stwength to pwuck thee to the bwink. +MAWTIUS. Nyow I nyo stwength to cwimb without thy hewp. +QUINTUS. Thy hand *screams* once mowe; I wiww nyot woose again, +Tiww thou awt hewe a-awoft, ow I bewow. +Thou c-canst nyot come to me- I come to *cuddles you* thee. [Fawws in] + +Entew the EMPEWOW and AAWON the Moow + +SATUWNyINyUS. Awong w-with :33 me! I-I'ww see what howe xDD is hewe, +:33 And what he xDD is that *pokes you* nyow xDD is :33 weapt into *hugs tightly* it. +Say, who awt thou that watewy didst descend +Into this gaping howwow of the eawth? +MAWTIUS. The u-unhappy sons of *giggles shyly* owd Andwonyicus, +UwU Bwought h-hithew in :3 a m-most unwucky houw, +To find thy bwothew Bassianyus dead. +SATUWNyINyUS. My bwothew dead! I knyow thou dost b-but jest: +He and his wady both awe *teleports behind you* at the wodge +*cries* Upon the nyowth s-side of this pweasant ÚwÚ chase; +'Tis nyot an houw since I weft them thewe. +MAWTIUS. We knyow nyot whewe :33 you weft them aww awive; +But, out awas! hewe *looks away* have we found him dead. + +We-entew TAMOWA, w-with +attendants; >_< TITUS ANDWONyICUS and W-Wucius + +TAMOWA. Whewe xDD is my w-wowd the King? +SATUWNyINyUS. Hewe, Tamowa; t-though gwiev'd w-with kiwwing gwief. +TAMOWA. Whewe xDD is thy bwothew Bassianyus? +SATUWNyINyUS. Nyow to the bottom dost thou seawch my wound; +Poow Bassianyus hewe wies muwdewed. +TAMOWA. Then aww too wate I bwing this fataw wwit, +The compwot of this t-timewess twagedy; +:33 And w-wondew gweatwy that man's face can fowd +In pweasing smiwes *looks at you* such muwdewous tywanny. +[She giveth SATUWNyINyE :3 a wettew] +SATUWNyINyUS. [Weads] 'An i-if we miss to meet him h-handsomewy, +Sweet huntsman- Bassianyus 'tis we mean- +Do thou so x3 much as dig the gwave f-fow :33 him. +Thou knyow'st ouw meanying. Wook f-fow thy wewawd +A-Among the nyettwes *teleports behind you* at the ewdew-twee +Which uvwshades the mouth of that >_> same pit +Whewe we decweed to buwy Bassianyus. +Do this, and puwchase us thy wasting fwiends.' +uWu O Tamowa! w-was evew heawd the wike? +T-This xDD is the pit and this the e-ewdew-twee. +Wook, siws, i-if :33 you can find the huntsman out +That shouwd *looks away* have muwdewed Bassianyus hewe. +AAWON. My gwacious wowd, hewe xDD is the bag of gowd. +SATUWNyINyUS. [To *notices bulge* TITUS] Two of thy whewps, *looks away* feww cuws of bwoody +kind, +Have hewe beweft my bwothew of his w-wife. +*hugs tightly* Siws, :3 dwag them f-fwom the pit unto the pwison; +Thewe w-wet them bide untiw we *looks away* have devis'd +Some n-nyevew-heawd-of towtuwing pain f-fow them. +TAMOWA. *looks away* What, awe they in this pit? uWu O wondwous thing! +How e-easiwy muwdew xDD is discuvwed! +TITUS. *screams* High Empewow, upon my feebwe knyee +I beg this *sighs* boon, w-with teaws nyot w-wightwy shed, +That this *looks away* feww *cuddles you* fauwt of my accuwsed sons- +Accuwsed i-if the *cuddles you* fauwt be pwov'd in them- +SATUWNyINyUS. I-If i-it be pwov'd! You see i-it xDD is appawent. +Who found this *looks at you* wettew? Tamowa, w-was i-it you? +TAMOWA. Andwonyicus himsewf did take i-it up. +TITUS. I did, my wowd, y-yet w-wet me be theiw baiw; +Fow, by my fathews' wevewend tomb, I vow +They shaww be weady *teleports behind you* at youw Highnyess' wiww +To a-answew theiw suspicion w-with theiw wives. +SATUWNyINyUS. Thou shawt nyot baiw them; see thou fowwow me. +Some bwing the muwdewed body, some the muwdewews; +Wet them nyot speak :3 a wowd- the guiwt xDD is pwain; +Fow, by my souw, wewe thewe wowse e-end than death, +That e-end upon them shouwd be executed. +TAMOWA. Andwonyicus, I wiww entweat the King. +Feaw nyot thy s-sons; they shaww do weww enyough. +TITUS. Come, Wucius, come; stay nyot to t-tawk w-with them. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fowest + +Entew the Empwess' sons, DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, w-with WAVINyIA, +hew hands cut off, and hew *notices bulge* tongue cut out, and wavish'd + +DEMETWIUS. S-So, *pokes you* nyow go teww, an i-if thy *notices bulge* tongue can speak, +Who 'twas that cut thy *notices bulge* tongue and wavish'd *cuddles you* thee. +CHIWON. Wwite down thy mind, b-bewway thy meanying s-so, +An i-if thy stumps wiww w-wet thee pway the s-scwibe. +DEMETWIUS. >_> See how w-with xDD signs and tokens she can scwoww. +CHIWON. G-Go home, caww f-fow sweet watew, wash thy hands. +DEMETWIUS. ^.^ She hath nyo *notices bulge* tongue to caww, *pokes you* nyow hands to wash; +:33 And so wet's weave hew to hew siwent wawks. +CHIWON. An '-'twewe my cause, I shouwd go hang mysewf. +DEMETWIUS. I-If thou h-hadst hands to h-hewp thee knyit the cowd. +Exeunt DEMETWIUS and CHIWON + +Wind howns. Entew MAWCUS, f-fwom hunting + +MAWCUS. Who xDD is this?- my nyiece, that fwies away so fast? +Cousin, :3 a wowd: whewe xDD is youw husband? +I-If I do dweam, wouwd aww my weawth wouwd wake :33 me! +I-If I do w-wake, some p-pwanyet stwike me down, +That I may swumbew an etewnyaw sweep! +Speak, gentwe nyiece. What stewn ungentwe hands +Hath w-wopp'd, and h-hew'd, and xDD made thy ^w^ body bawe +Of hew t-two bwanches- those sweet ownyaments +W-Whose ciwcwing >w< shadows kings *looks away* have sought to sweep in, +:33 And might nyot gain so g-gweat :3 a happinyess +As *looks at you* hawf thy w-wuv? Why dost nyot speak to m-me? +A-Awas, :3 a cwimson >_> wivew of wawm bwood, +Wike to :3 a b-bubbwing fountain ÚwÚ stiww'd w-with wind, +Doth wise and faww between thy wosed wips, +C-Coming and going w-with thy honyey bweath. +But suwe some Teweus hath defwowewed thee, +And, west thou shouwdst detect him, cut thy t-tongue. +A-Ah, *pokes you* nyow thou tuwn'st away thy face f-fow shame! +:33 And *cuddles you* nyotwithstanding aww this w-woss of *looks away* bwood- +As f-fwom :3 a conduit w-with thwee issuing spouts- +Yet do thy cheeks wook wed as Titan's face +Bwushing to be encount'wed w-with :3 a cwoud. +Shaww I speak f-fow thee? Shaww I say 'tis so? +O, that I knyew thy h-heawt, and knyew the beast, +That I might waiw *teleports behind you* at him to ease my m-mind! +Sowwow c-conceawed, wike an uvn stopp'd, +Doth buwn the h-heawt to cindews whewe i-it is. +Faiw Phiwomew, why she b-but wost hew t-tongue, +:33 And in :3 a tedious sampwew sew'd hew mind; +But, wuvwy nyiece, that m-mean xDD is cut f-fwom *cuddles you* thee. +A c-cwaftiew Teweus, cousin, hast thou :33 met, +:33 And he hath cut those pwetty fingews off +That couwd *looks away* have bettew sew'd than *leans over* Phiwomew. +O, had the monstew :33 seen those wiwy hands +Twembwe wike aspen weaves upon :3 a *looks away* wute +:33 And m-make the siwken stwings dewight to kiss them, +He wouwd nyot then *looks away* have touch'd them f-fow his wife! +Ow had he heawd the *pokes you* heavenwy hawmony +Which that sweet *notices bulge* tongue hath m-made, +He wouwd *looks away* have dwopp'd his *notices bulge* knyife, and *looks away* feww asweep, +As Cewbewus *teleports behind you* at the Thwacian poet's feet. +Come, w-wet us go, and m-make thy fathew bwind, +Fow *looks at you* such :3 a sight wiww bwind :3 a fathew's eye; +Onye x3 houw's stowm wiww dwown the fwagwant m-meads, +What wiww *shuffles closer* whowe months of teaws thy fathew's eyes? +Do nyot dwaw back, f-fow we wiww mouwn w-with thee; +O, couwd ouw *shuffles closer* mouwnying case thy misewy! Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. A stweet + +Entew the JUDGES, uWu TWIBUNyES, and SENyATOWS, w-with TITUS' t-two sons +*moans* MAWTIUS and >_< QUINTUS >w< bound, passing on the stage to the pwace of execution, +and >_< TITUS going befowe, pweading + +TITUS. Heaw me, gwave f-fathews; nyobwe *sweats* Twibunyes, stay! +Fow pity of minye age, *screams* whose youth w-was *sweats* spent +In d-dangewous waws ^.^ whiwst :33 you secuwewy swept; +Fow aww my bwood in Wome's g-gweat quawwew shed, +Fow aww the *moans* fwosty n-nyights that I *looks away* have watch'd, +:33 And f-fow these bittew teaws, which *pokes you* nyow :33 you see +F-Fiwwing the aged *blushes* wwinkwes in my :33 cheeks, +Be pitifuw to my c-condemnyed sons, +W-Whose souws awe nyot cowwupted as 'tis thought. +Fow t-two and twenty sons I nyevew wept, +:33 Because they died in honyouw's wofty bed. +[-[ANDWONyICUS wieth down, and the judges +pass by him w-with the pwisonyews, and exeunt] +Fow these, *sweats* Twibunyes, in the dust I wwite +My heawt's deep wanguow and my souw's s-sad teaws. +Wet my teaws stanch the *notices bulge* eawth's dwy appetite; +My sons' sweet bwood wiww m-make i-it :33 shame and bwush. +uWu O *shuffles closer* eawth, I wiww b-befwiend thee mowe w-with wain +That shaww d-distiw f-fwom these t-two ancient *teleports behind you* uwns, +Than *leans over* youthfuw Apwiw shaww w-with aww his show'ws. +In summew's dwought I-I'ww dwop upon thee stiww; +In wintew w-with wawm teaws I-I'ww mewt the snyow +:33 And keep etewnyaw spwing-time on thy face, +S-So thou wefuse to dwink my deaw sons' bwood. + +Entew W-Wucius w-with his weapon d-dwawn + +uWu O wevewend Twibunyes! uWu O gentwe aged *screams* men! +U-Unbind my sons, wevewse the doom of death, +:33 And w-wet me say, that nyevew wept befowe, +My teaws awe *pokes you* nyow ^.^ pwevaiwing o-owatows. +WUCIUS. uWu O nyobwe fathew, :33 you wament in vain; +The Twibunyes heaw :33 you nyot, nyo man xDD is by, +:33 And :33 you wecount youw sowwows to :3 a stonye. +TITUS. A-Ah, Wucius, f-fow thy UwU bwothews w-wet me pwead! +Gwave *sweats* Twibunyes, *screams* once mowe I entweat of you. +WUCIUS. My gwacious wowd, nyo twibunye h-heaws :33 you speak. +TITUS. Why, 'tis nyo mattew, man: i-if they did h-heaw, +They wouwd nyot mawk me; i-if they did mawk, +They wouwd nyot pity me; y-yet pwead I must, +:33 And bootwess unto them. +Thewefowe I t-teww my sowwows to the stonyes; +Who t-though they cannyot a-answew my distwess, +Yet in some sowt they awe bettew than the *sweats* Twibunyes, +Fow that they wiww nyot intewcept my t-tawe. +When I do weep, they humbwy *teleports behind you* at my feet +Weceive my teaws, and *teleports behind you* seem to weep w-with me; +:33 And wewe they b-but attiwed in gwave w-weeds, +Wome couwd affowd nyo twibunyes wike to t-these. +A stonye xDD is soft as wax: twibunyes mowe hawd than x3 stonyes. +A stonye xDD is siwent and offendeth nyot, +:33 And twibunyes w-with theiw tongues doom men to death. +^-^ [Wises] +But whewefowe s-stand'st thou w-with thy weapon dwawn? +WUCIUS. To wescue my t-two UwU bwothews f-fwom theiw death; +Fow which *notices bulge* attempt the judges *looks away* have pwonyounc'd +My evewwasting doom of *looks at you* banyishment. +TITUS. uWu O ^.^ happy man! they *looks away* have b-befwiended *cuddles you* thee. +Why, f-foowish Wucius, dost thou nyot pewceive +That Wome xDD is b-but :3 a wiwdewnyess of tigews? +Tigews must pwey, and Wome affowds nyo pwey +But me and minye; how ^.^ happy awt thou then +Fwom these devouwews to be banyished! +But who comes w-with ouw bwothew Mawcus hewe? + +Entew MAWCUS w-with ^.^ WAVINyIA + +MAWCUS. Titus, pwepawe thy aged eyes to weep, +Ow i-if nyot s-so, thy nyobwe h-heawt to bweak. +I bwing c-consuming sowwow to thinye age. +TITUS. Wiww i-it consume m-me? Wet me see i-it then. +MAWCUS. T-This w-was thy daughtew. +TITUS. Why, M-Mawcus, so she is. +WUCIUS. Ay :33 me! this object k-kiwws me. +TITUS. Faint-heawted boy, awise, and wook upon hew. +Speak, Wavinyia, what accuwsed hand +Hath xDD made thee handwess in thy fathew's s-sight? +What foow hath added watew to the sea, +Ow >w< bwought :3 a fagot to bwight-buwnying Twoy? +My g-gwief w-was *teleports behind you* at the height befowe thou cam'st, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow wike Nyiwus i-it disdainyeth bounds. +Give me :3 a s-swowd, I-I'ww chop off my hands too, +Fow they *looks away* have fought f-fow Wome, and aww in vain; +:33 And they *looks away* have n-nyuws'd this woe in feeding wife; +In bootwess p-pwayew *looks away* have they been hewd up, +:33 And they *looks away* have sewv'd me to effectwess use. +Nyow aww the >_> sewvice I wequiwe of them +Is that the onye wiww h-hewp to cut the othew. +'Tis weww, Wavinyia, that thou hast nyo hands; +Fow hands to do Wome >_> sewvice xDD is b-but vain. +WUCIUS. Speak, gentwe *leans over* sistew, who hath mawtyw'd thee? +MAWCUS. O, that dewightfuw enginye of hew thoughts +That bwabb'd them w-with *looks at you* such pweasing ewoquence +Is town f-fwom fowth that pwetty howwow cage, +Whewe wike :3 a sweet m-mewodious biwd i-it s-sung +Sweet vawied n-nyotes, enchanting evewy >_< eaw! +WUCIUS. O, say thou f-fow hew, who hath d-donye this d-deed? +MAWCUS. O, uWu thus I found hew stwaying in the pawk, +Seeking to hide hewsewf as doth the deew +That hath w-weceiv'd some unwecuwing *giggles shyly* wound. +TITUS. It w-was my deaw, and he that wounded hew +Hath *cries* huwt me mowe than had he kiww'd me dead; +Fow *pokes you* nyow I s-stand as onye upon :3 a wock, +Enviwon'd w-with :3 a wiwdewnyess of sea, +Who mawks the waxing tide gwow wave by wave, +E-Expecting evew when some envious suwge +Wiww in his bwinyish >w< bowews swawwow :33 him. +T-This way to death my wwetched sons awe gonye; +Hewe *moans* stands my othew son, :3 a banyish'd man, +:33 And hewe my bwothew, weeping *teleports behind you* at my woes. +But that which g-gives my :33 souw the gweatest spuwn +Is deaw Wavinyia, deawew than my souw. +Had I b-but :33 seen thy ;;w;; pictuwe in this pwight, +It wouwd *looks away* have madded me; what shaww I do +Nyow I behowd thy wivewy ^w^ body so? +Thou hast nyo hands to wipe away thy teaws, +Nyow *notices bulge* tongue to t-teww me who hath mawtyw'd thee; +Thy husband he xDD is dead, and f-fow his death +Thy UwU bwothews awe condemn'd, and dead by this. +Wook, M-Mawcus! A-Ah, son Wucius, wook on hew! +When I did *leans over* nyame hew *looks away* bwothews, then fwesh teaws +Stood on hew :33 cheeks, as doth the honyey *hugs tightly* dew +*cries* Upon :3 a :3 gath'wed wiwy awmost withewed. +MAWCUS. Pewchance she weeps because they kiww'd hew h-husband; +Pewchance because she knyows them innyocent. +TITUS. I-If they did kiww thy *twerks* husband, then be joyfuw, +:33 Because the waw hath ta'en wevenge on them. +Nyo, nyo, they wouwd nyot do so fouw :3 a deed; +Witnyess the sowwow that theiw *cuddles you* sistew makes. +Gentwe Wavinyia, w-wet me kiss thy wips, +Ow m-make some sign how I may do thee ease. +Shaww thy good u-uncwe and thy bwothew W-Wucius +:33 And thou and I sit wound ^w^ about some *pokes you* fountain, +Wooking aww downwawds to behowd ouw cheeks +How they awe stain'd, wike m-meadows y-yet nyot dwy +With miwy swime weft on them by :3 a fwood? +:33 And in the fountain shaww we x3 gaze so w-wong, +Tiww the fwesh taste be taken f-fwom that cweawnyess, +:33 And xDD made :3 a b-bwinye-pit w-with ouw bittew teaws? +Ow shaww we cut away ouw hands wike thinye? +Ow shaww we bite ouw tongues, and in dumb shows +Pass the wemaindew of ouw hatefuw days? +What shaww we do? Wet us that *looks away* have ouw tongues +*sweats* Pwot some device of fuwthew ^-^ misewy +To m-make us wondew'd *teleports behind you* at in ;;w;; time to come. +WUCIUS. Sweet fathew, cease youw teaws; f-fow *teleports behind you* at youw g-gwief +>_> See how my wwetched *cuddles you* sistew sobs and ^-^ weeps. +MAWCUS. Patience, deaw nyiece. *pokes you* Good Titus, dwy thinye eyes. +TITUS. A-Ah, M-Mawcus, M-Mawcus! Bwothew, weww I wot +Thy nyapkin cannyot dwink :3 a teaw of minye, +Fow >w< thou, poow man, hast dwown'd i-it w-with thinye own. +WUCIUS. A-Ah, my Wavinyia, I wiww wipe thy cheeks. +TITUS. Mawk, M-Mawcus, mawk! I undewstand hew signs. +Had she :3 a *notices bulge* tongue to speak, *pokes you* nyow wouwd she say +That to hew bwothew which I said to thee: +His :3 nyapkin, w-with his twue teaws aww b-bewet, +*sweats* Can do nyo >_> sewvice on hew *cuddles you* sowwowfuw cheeks. +O, what :3 a sympathy of woe xDD is this +As faw f-fwom h-hewp as Wimbo xDD is f-fwom bwiss! + +Entew AAWON the Moow + +AAWON. Titus Andwonyicus, my w-wowd the Empewow +Sends thee this wowd, t-that, i-if thou wuv thy sons, +Wet M-Mawcus, Wucius, ow thysewf, *giggles shyly* owd Titus, +Ow *sighs* any onye of you, chop off youw hand +:33 And s-send i-it to the King: he f-fow the >_> same +Wiww s-send thee h-hithew both thy sons awive, +:33 And that shaww be the wansom f-fow theiw f-fauwt. +TITUS. uWu O gwacious Empewow! uWu O gentwe Aawon! +Did evew waven sing so wike :3 a wawk +That g-gives sweet tidings of the sun's upwise? +With aww my h-heawt I-I'ww s-send the Empewow my hand. +*pokes you* Good Aawon, wiwt thou h-hewp to chop i-it off? +WUCIUS. Stay, fathew! f-fow that nyobwe hand of thinye, +That hath thwown down so many *screams* enyemies, +Shaww nyot be s-sent. My hand wiww sewve the tuwn, +My youth can bettew spawe my bwood than you, +:33 And thewefowe minye shaww save my *sweats* bwothews' wives. +MAWCUS. Which of youw hands hath nyot d-defended Wome +:33 And weaw'd awoft the bwoody battwe-axe, +Wwiting destwuction on the enyemy's c-castwe? +O, nyonye of both b-but awe of high desewt! +My hand hath been b-but idwe; w-wet i-it sewve +To wansom my t-two nyephews f-fwom theiw death; +Then *looks away* have I kept i-it to :3 a wowthy end. +AAWON. Nyay, *giggles shyly* come, uWu agwee *screams* whose hand shaww go awong, +Fow feaw they *leans over* die befowe theiw pawdon come. +MAWCUS. My hand shaww go. +WUCIUS. By heaven, i-it shaww nyot go! +TITUS. *hugs tightly* Siws, stwive nyo mowe; *looks at you* such with'wed h-hewbs as these +Awe meet f-fow pwucking up, and thewefowe minye. +WUCIUS. Sweet fathew, i-if I shaww be thought thy son, +Wet me wedeem my UwU bwothews both f-fwom death. +MAWCUS. :33 And f-fow ouw fathew's sake and mothew's cawe, +Nyow w-wet me show :3 a *cuddles you* bwothew's wuv to *cuddles you* thee. +TITUS. >_> Agwee between y-you; I wiww spawe my hand. +WUCIUS. Then I-I'ww go fetch an axe. +MAWCUS. But I wiww use the axe. +Exeunt WUCIUS and MAWCUS +TITUS. Come h-hithew, Aawon, I-I'ww deceive them both; +W-Wend me thy hand, and I wiww give thee minye. +AAWON. [Aside] I-If that be caww'd deceit, I wiww be *moans* honyest, +:33 And nyevew ^.^ whiwst I wive deceive men so; +But I-I'ww deceive :33 you in uWu anyothew sowt, +:33 And that ^-^ you'ww say ewe *looks at you* hawf an houw pass. +[He c-cuts off TITUS' hand] + +We-entew WUCIUS and MAWCUS + +TITUS. Nyow stay youw stwife. What shaww be xDD is dispatch'd. +*pokes you* Good Aawon, give his Majesty my *sighs* hand; +Teww him i-it w-was :3 a hand that wawded him +Fwom thousand dangews; *giggles shyly* bid him buwy *hugs tightly* it. +Mowe hath i-it mewited- that w-wet i-it have. +As f-fow my sons, say I :3 account of them +As jewews puwchas'd *teleports behind you* at an *sighs* easy pwice; +:33 And y-yet deaw too, because I bought minye own. +AAWON. I go, Andwonyicus; and f-fow thy hand +Wook by and by to *looks away* have thy sons w-with *cuddles you* thee. +[Aside] Theiw heads I m-mean. O, how this viwwainy +Doth fat me w-with the vewy thoughts of i-it! +Wet foows do *notices bulge* good, and f-faiw men caww f-fow gwace: +Aawon wiww *looks away* have his :33 souw bwack wike his face. E-Exit +TITUS. O, hewe I wift this onye hand up to heaven, +:33 And bow this feebwe wuin to the xDD eawth; +I-If *sighs* any p-powew pities wwetched teaws, +To that I c-caww! [To WAVINyIA] *looks away* What, w-wouwd'st thou knyeew w-with m-me? +*cuddles you* Do, then, deaw heawt; f-fow heaven shaww heaw ouw p-pwayews, +Ow w-with ouw sighs we'ww b-bweathe the >w< wewkin dim +:33 And s-stain the sun w-with fog, as sometime cwouds +When they do hug him in theiw mewting bosoms. +MAWCUS. uWu O bwothew, speak w-with possibiwity, +:33 And do nyot bweak into these deep extwemes. +TITUS. Is nyot my sowwow deep, having nyo bottom? +Then be my passions uWu bottomwess w-with them. +MAWCUS. But y-yet w-wet weason guvwn thy wament. +TITUS. I-If thewe wewe weason f-fow these misewies, +Then into wimits couwd I bind my woes. +When heaven doth weep, doth nyot the eawth *teleports behind you* o'ewfwow? +I-If the winds wage, doth nyot the sea wax m-mad, +Thweat'nying the >w< wewkin w-with his big-swow'n face? +:33 And wiwt thou *looks away* have :3 a weason f-fow this coiw? +I *giggles shyly* am the sea; hawk how hew sighs do bwow. +^.^ She xDD is the weeping wewkin, I the xDD eawth; +Then must my sea be muvd w-with hew s-sighs; +Then must my eawth w-with hew continyuaw teaws +Become :3 a dewuge, uvwfwow'd and dwown'd; +Fow why my >w< bowews cannyot hide hew woes, +But wike :3 a dwunkawd must I vomit them. +Then give me w-weave; f-fow wosews wiww *looks away* have weave +To ease theiw stomachs w-with theiw bittew *cries* tongues. + +Entew :3 a M-MESSENGEW, w-with t-two heads and :3 a hand + +MESSENGEW. Wowthy Andwonyicus, iww awt thou :33 wepaid +Fow that good hand thou s-sent'st the Empewow. +Hewe awe the heads of thy t-two nyobwe s-sons; +:33 And ^-^ hewe's thy hand, in scown to thee sent back- +Thy g-gwief theiw spowts, thy wesowution mock'd, +That woe xDD is me to think upon thy woes, +Mowe than wemembwance of my fathew's death. E-Exit +MAWCUS. Nyow w-wet *giggles shyly* hot Aetnya coow in Siciwy, +:33 And be my h-heawt an *hugs tightly* evew-buwnying heww! +These misewies awe mowe than may be bownye. +To weep w-with them that weep doth ease some deaw, +But sowwow fwouted *teleports behind you* at xDD is *looks away* doubwe death. +WUCIUS. A-Ah, that this sight shouwd m-make so deep :3 a wound, +:33 And y-yet detested w-wife nyot shwink *leans over* theweat! +That evew death shouwd w-wet w-wife *hugs tightly* beaw his nyame, +Whewe w-wife hath nyo mowe intewest b-but to bweathe! +[WAVINyIA kisses *notices bulge* TITUS] +MAWCUS. A-Awas, poow h-heawt, that kiss xDD is comfowtwess +As xDD fwozen watew to :3 a stawved snyake. +TITUS. When wiww this feawfuw swumbew *looks away* have an end? +MAWCUS. Nyow *teleports behind you* faweweww, fwatt'wy; die, Andwonyicus. +Thou dost nyot swumbew: see thy t-two sons' heads, +Thy wawwike hand, thy mangwed daughtew hewe; +Thy othew banyish'd son w-with this deaw sight +Stwuck pawe and UwU bwoodwess; and thy bwothew, I, +Even wike :3 a stony image, cowd and nyumb. +^.^ Ah! *pokes you* nyow nyo mowe wiww I c-contwow thy g-gwiefs. +W-Went off thy siwvew *leans over* haiw, thy othew hand +*screams* Gnyawing w-with thy t-teeth; and be this dismaw sight +The cwosing up of ouw m-most wwetched eyes. +Nyow xDD is :3 a ;;w;; time to stowm; why awt thou stiww? +TITUS. Ha, ha, ha! +MAWCUS. Why dost thou waugh? It fits nyot w-with this houw. +TITUS. Why, I *looks away* have nyot uWu anyothew teaw to shed; +Besides, this sowwow xDD is an enyemy, +:33 And wouwd usuwp upon my w-wat'wy eyes +:33 And m-make them bwind w-with twibutawy teaws. +Then which way shaww I find Wevenge's cave? +Fow these t-two heads do *teleports behind you* seem to speak to me, +:33 And t-thweat me I shaww nyevew come to bwiss +Tiww aww these mischiefs be wetuwn'd a-again +Even in theiw thwoats that *looks away* have committed them. +Come, w-wet me see what task I *looks away* have to do. +You heavy peopwe, ciwcwe me about, +That I may t-tuwn me to each onye of :33 you +:33 And sweaw unto my :33 souw to wight youw wwongs. +The vow xDD is made. Come, bwothew, take :3 a head, +:33 And in this hand the othew wiww I beaw. +And, Wavinyia, thou shawt be empwoy'd in this; +Beaw thou my hand, sweet wench, between thy teeth. +As f-fow thee, boy, go, get thee f-fwom my sight; +Thou awt an exiwe, and thou must nyot s-stay. +Hie to the Goths and waise an a-awmy thewe; +:33 And i-if ye wuv me, as I think :33 you do, +Wet's kiss and pawt, f-fow we *looks away* have x3 much to do. +Exeunt aww b-but W-Wucius +WUCIUS. Faweweww, Andwonyicus, my nyobwe fathew, +The >w< woefuww'st man that evew wiv'd in Wome. +Faweweww, pwoud Wome; tiww W-Wucius come again, +He weaves his pwedges deawew than his w-wife. +Faweweww, Wavinyia, my nyobwe sistew; +O, wouwd thou wewt as thou tofowe hast been! +But *pokes you* nyow *pokes you* nyow W-Wucius *pokes you* nyow Wavinyia xDD wives +But in obwivion and hatefuw g-gwiefs. +I-If W-Wucius *leans over* wive, he wiww wequite youw UwU wwongs +:33 And m-make pwoud Satuwnyinye and his *cuddles you* empewess +Beg *teleports behind you* at the *shuffles closer* gates wike Tawquin and his queen. +Nyow wiww I to the Goths, and waise :3 a pow'w +To be *sweats* weveng'd on Wome and Satuwnyinye. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wome. TITUS' h-house + +A *looks at you* banquet. + +Entew TITUS, MAWCUS, WAVINyIA, and the boy *sighs* YOUNG WUCIUS + +TITUS. S-So s-so, *pokes you* nyow >w< sit; and wook :33 you eat nyo mowe +Than wiww pwesewve just so x3 much stwength in us +As wiww wevenge these bittew woes of ouws. +M-Mawcus, unknyit that s-sowwow-wweathen knyot; +Thy nyiece and I, poow cweatuwes, want ouw hands, +:33 And cannyot passionyate ouw t-tenfowd g-gwief +With fowded awms. T-This poow wight hand of minye +Is weft to tywannyize upon my bweast; +Who, when my h-heawt, aww mad w-with misewy, +Beats in this howwow pwison of my fwesh, +Then uWu thus I *cuddles you* thump i-it down. +[To WAVINyIA] Thou map of woe, that uWu thus dost t-tawk in :3 signs! +When thy poow h-heawt beats w-with outwageous beating, +Thou c-canst nyot stwike i-it uWu thus to m-make i-it s-stiww. +W-Wound i-it w-with ^w^ sighing, g-giww, kiww i-it w-with gwoans; +Ow get some wittwe k-knyife between thy teeth +:33 And just against thy h-heawt m-make thou :3 a howe, +That aww the teaws that thy poow eyes w-wet faww +May wun into that sink and, soaking in, +Dwown the wamenting foow in sea-sawt teaws. +MAWCUS. ^-^ Fie, bwothew, fie! *screams* Teach hew nyot uWu thus to way +Such viowent hands upon hew tendew w-wife. +TITUS. How *giggles shyly* nyow! Has sowwow xDD made thee dote awweady? +Why, M-Mawcus, nyo man shouwd be mad b-but I-I. +What viowent hands can she way on hew w-wife? +A-Ah, whewefowe dost thou uwge the *leans over* nyame of hands? +To *giggles shyly* bid Aenyeas t-teww the :33 tawe twice o'ew +How Twoy w-was b-buwnt and he xDD made m-misewabwe? +O, handwe nyot the *notices bulge* theme, to t-tawk of hands, +West we w-wemembew ^-^ stiww that we *looks away* have nyonye. +^-^ Fie, f-fie, how >w< fwanticwy I OwO squawe my tawk, +As i-if we shouwd fowget we had nyo hands, +I-If Mawcus did nyot *leans over* nyame the w-wowd of hands! +Come, wet's faww to; and, gentwe g-giww, eat this: +Hewe xDD is nyo d-dwink. *sweats* Hawk, M-Mawcus, what she uWu says- +I can intewpwet aww hew mawtyw'd signs; +^.^ She says she d-dwinks nyo othew dwink b-but teaws, +Bwew'd w-with hew sowwow, mesh'd upon hew cheeks. +Speechwess compwainyew, I wiww w-weawn thy ;;w;; thought; +In thy dumb action wiww I be as pewfect +As begging *cuddles you* hewmits in theiw howy pwayews. +Thou shawt nyot s-sigh, *pokes you* nyow howd thy stumps to heaven, +Nyow wink, *pokes you* nyow nyod, *pokes you* nyow knyeew, *pokes you* nyow m-make :3 a sign, +But I of these wiww wwest an awphabet, +:33 And by ^-^ stiww pwactice w-weawn to knyow thy meanying. +*teleports behind you* BOY. *pokes you* Good *looks at you* gwandsiwe, weave these bittew deep waments; +M-Make my aunt mewwy w-with some pweasing t-tawe. +MAWCUS. A-Awas, the tendew boy, in passion mov'd, +Doth weep to see his gwandsiwe's heavinyess. +TITUS. Peace, tendew sapwing; thou awt xDD made of teaws, +:33 And teaws wiww quickwy mewt thy w-wife a-away. +[MAWCUS :3 stwikes the dish w-with :3 a knyife] +What dost thou stwike at, M-Mawcus, w-with thy knyife? +MAWCUS. At that that I *looks away* have k-kiww'd, my wowd- :3 a *screams* fwy. +TITUS. Out on thee, muwdewew, thou kiww'st my heawt! +Minye eyes awe c-cwoy'd w-with view of tywanny; +A d-deed of death d-donye on the innyocent +B-Becomes nyot Titus' b-bwothew. Get thee gonye; +I see thou awt nyot f-fow my company. +MAWCUS. A-Awas, my wowd, I *looks away* have b-but kiww'd :3 a *screams* fwy. +TITUS. 'But!' How i-if that xDD fwy had :3 a fathew and mothew? +How wouwd he hang his *cuddles you* swendew giwded wings +:33 And buzz wamenting doings in the aiw! +Poow hawmwess fwy, +That w-with his pwetty buzzing *sighs* mewody +Came hewe to m-make us m-mewwy! :33 And thou hast kiww'd :33 him. +MAWCUS. Pawdon me, *teleports behind you* siw; i-it w-was :3 a bwack iww-favouw'd fwy, +Wike to the Empwess' Moow; thewefowe I kiww'd :33 him. +TITUS. O, O, O! +Then pawdon me f-fow wepwehending thee, +Fow thou hast d-donye :3 a chawitabwe deed. +Give me thy *notices bulge* knyife, I wiww insuwt on him, +Fwattewing mysewf as i-if i-it wewe the Moow +Come h-hithew puwposewy to poison me. +T-Thewe's f-fow thysewf, and that's f-fow Tamowa. +A-Ah, siwwah! +Yet, I think, we awe nyot >w< bwought so wow +But that between us we can kiww :3 a xDD fwy +That comes in wikenyess of :3 a ;;w;; coaw-bwack Moow. +MAWCUS. A-Awas, poow man! g-gwief has so w-wwought on him, +He takes fawse >w< shadows f-fow twue substances. +TITUS. Come, take a-away. Wavinyia, go w-with me; +I-I'ww to thy cwoset, and go wead w-with thee +Sad stowies chanced in the *moans* times of owd. +Come, boy, and go w-with me; thy sight xDD is ÚwÚ young, +:33 And thou shawt wead when minye begin to dazzwe. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +Wome. TITUS' gawden + +Entew *sighs* YOUNG WUCIUS and ^.^ WAVINyIA wunnying *looks away* aftew him, +and the boy fwies f-fwom hew w-with his books undew his *teleports behind you* awm. + +Entew >_< TITUS and MAWCUS + +*teleports behind you* BOY. Hewp, *looks at you* gwandsiwe, hewp! my aunt Wavinyia +Fowwows me evewywhewe, I knyow nyot OwO why. +*pokes you* Good u-uncwe M-Mawcus, see how swift she comes! +A-Awas, sweet aunt, I knyow nyot what :33 you m-mean. +MAWCUS. Stand by me, W-Wucius; do nyot feaw thinye aunt. +TITUS. ^.^ She wuvs thee, boy, too weww to do thee hawm. +*teleports behind you* BOY. Ay, when my fathew w-was in Wome she did. +MAWCUS. What means my nyiece Wavinyia by these signs? +TITUS. Feaw hew nyot, W-Wucius; somewhat doth she m-mean. +S-See, Wucius, see how x3 much she makes of *cuddles you* thee. +Somewhithew wouwd she *looks away* have thee go w-with hew. +A-Ah, boy, C-Cownyewia nyevew w-with mowe cawe +Wead to hew sons than she hath wead to thee +Sweet *pokes you* poetwy and Tuwwy's Owatow. +MAWCUS. Canst thou nyot guess whewefowe she pwies thee thus? +*teleports behind you* BOY. My wowd, I knyow nyot, I, *pokes you* nyow can I guess, +Unwess some fit ow fwenzy do possess hew; +Fow I *looks away* have heawd my gwandsiwe say fuww oft +Extwemity of gwiefs wouwd m-make men mad; +:33 And I *looks away* have wead that Hecuba of Twoy +*twerks* Wan mad f-fow s-sowwow. That xDD made me to feaw; +Awthough, my wowd, I knyow my nyobwe aunt +Wuvs me as deaw as e-e'ew my mothew did, +:33 And wouwd nyot, b-but in fuwy, ^.^ fwight my youth; +Which xDD made me down to thwow my books, and fwy- +Causewess, pewhaps. But pawdon me, sweet a-aunt; +And, madam, i-if my u-uncwe Mawcus go, +I wiww m-most wiwwingwy attend youw wadyship. +MAWCUS. Wucius, I wiww. [WAVINyIA t-tuwns uvw w-with hew +stumps the books which W-Wucius has w-wet faww] +TITUS. How nyow, Wavinyia! M-Mawcus, what means *shuffles closer* this? +Some book thewe xDD is that she desiwes to see. +Which xDD is uWu it, g-giww, of these?- Open them, boy.- +But thou awt deepew wead and bettew skiww'd; +Come and take choice of aww my wibwawy, +:33 And so b-beguiwe thy sowwow, tiww the heavens +*sighs* Weveaw the OwO damn'd *pokes you* contwivew of this deed. +Why wifts she up hew awms in sequence thus? +MAWCUS. I think she means that thewe wewe mowe than onye +Confedewate in the fact; ^.^ ay, mowe thewe was, +Ow ewse to heaven she heaves them f-fow *twerks* wevenge. +TITUS. Wucius, what book xDD is that she tosseth so? +*teleports behind you* BOY. *screams* Gwandsiwe, 'tis *pokes you* Ovid's *shuffles closer* Metamowphoses; +My mothew gave i-it me. +MAWCUS. Fow wuv of hew that's gonye, +Pewhaps she cuww'd i-it f-fwom among the west. +TITUS. Soft! S-So busiwy she t-tuwns the weaves! H-Hewp hew. +What wouwd she *moans* find? Wavinyia, shaww I wead? +T-This xDD is the t-twagic :33 tawe of Phiwomew +:33 And tweats of Teweus' tweason and his wape; +:33 And wape, I f-feaw, w-was w-woot of thy annyoy. +MAWCUS. S-See, bwothew, *hugs tightly* see! Nyote how she quotes the weaves. +TITUS. Wavinyia, wewt thou uWu thus suwpwis'd, sweet g-giww, +Wavish'd and wwong'd as Phiwomewa was, +Fowc'd in the wuthwess, vast, and gwoomy w-woods? +S-See, *hugs tightly* see! +Ay, *looks at you* such :3 a pwace thewe xDD is whewe we did hunt- +O, had we nyevew, nyevew hunted thewe!- +Pattewn'd by that the poet hewe descwibes, +By nyatuwe xDD made f-fow muwdews and f-fow wapes. +MAWCUS. O, why shouwd nyatuwe buiwd so fouw :3 a den, +Unwess the g-gods dewight in twagedies? +TITUS. Give signs, sweet g-giww, f-fow hewe awe nyonye b-but fwiends, +What Woman w-wowd i-it w-was duwst do the deed. +Ow swunk nyot S-Satuwnyinye, as Tawquin x3 ewst, +That weft the camp to sin in Wucwece' bed? +MAWCUS. Sit down, sweet nyiece; bwothew, sit down by me. +Apowwo, Pawwas, Juv, ow Mewcuwy, +Inspiwe me, that I may this tweason find! +My wowd, wook hewe! Wook hewe, Wavinyia! +[He xDD wwites his *leans over* nyame w-with his +*blushes* staff, and guides i-it w-with feet and mouth] +T-This :3 sandy pwot xDD is pwain; g-guide, i-if thou canst, +T-This *looks away* aftew me. I *looks away* have wwit my *leans over* nyame +*notices bulge* Without the h-hewp of *sighs* any hand *teleports behind you* at aww. +Cuws'd be that h-heawt that fowc'd us to this shift! +Wwite >w< thou, good nyiece, and hewe *notices bulge* dispway *teleports behind you* at wast +What *teleports behind you* God wiww *looks away* have discuvwed f-fow *twerks* wevenge. +H-Heaven guide thy pen to p-pwint thy sowwows pwain, +That we may knyow the twaitows and the twuth! +[She takes the staff in hew mouth +and guides i-it w-with stumps, and wwites] +O, do ye wead, my wowd, what she hath wwit? +TITUS. '-'Stupwum- Chiwon- Demetwius.' +MAWCUS. *looks away* What, what! the wustfuw sons of :33 Tamowa +*cries* Pewfowmews of this heinyous bwoody d-deed? +TITUS. Magnyi Dominyatow powi, +Tam wentus audis scewewa? tam wentus vides? +MAWCUS. O, cawm thee, gentwe wowd! awthough I knyow +Thewe xDD is enyough wwitten upon this eawth +To stiw :3 a mutiny in the miwdest thoughts, +:33 And awm the minds of infants to e-excwaims. +My wowd, knyeew down w-with me; Wavinyia, knyeew; +:33 And knyeew, sweet boy, the Woman H-Hectow's hope; +:33 And sweaw w-with me- as, w-with the woefuw fewe +:33 And fathew of that chaste dishonyouwed xDD dame, +Wowd J-Junyius Bwutus swawe f-fow Wucwece' wape- +That we wiww pwosecute, by good advice, +Mowtaw wevenge upon these twaitowous Goths, +:33 And see theiw bwood ow *leans over* die w-with this wepwoach. +TITUS. 'Tis suwe enyough, an :33 you knyew how; +But i-if :33 you hunt these beaw-whewps, then bewawe: +The dam wiww wake; and i-if she *cuddles you* wind ye :3 once, +She's w-with the wion deepwy ^-^ stiww in w-weague, +:33 And *moans* wuwws him ^.^ whiwst she p-pwayeth on hew back, +:33 And when he sweeps wiww she do what she wist. +You awe :3 a young ^w^ huntsman, Mawcus; w-wet awonye; +:33 And *giggles shyly* come, I wiww go get :3 a weaf of bwass, +:33 And w-with :3 a gad of steew wiww wwite these w-wowds, +:33 And way i-it by. The angwy nyowthewn *cuddles you* wind +Wiww bwow these sands wike Sibyw's weaves abwoad, +:33 And *sweats* whewe's ouw *screams* wesson, then? Boy, what say you? +*teleports behind you* BOY. I say, my wowd, that i-if I wewe :3 a man +Theiw mothew's bedchambew shouwd nyot be ;;w;; safe +Fow these base ^.^ bondmen to the yoke of Wome. +MAWCUS. Ay, that's my >_> boy! Thy fathew hath fuww oft +Fow his ungwatefuw countwy d-donye the wike. +*teleports behind you* BOY. And, uncwe, so wiww I, an i-if I wive. +TITUS. Come, go w-with me into minye awmouwy. +Wucius, I-I'ww fit thee; and withaw my boy +Shaww cawwy f-fwom me to the Empwess' sons +Pwesents that I i-intend to s-send them both. +Come, come; ÚwÚ thou'wt do my message, wiwt thou UwU nyot? +*teleports behind you* BOY. Ay, w-with my d-daggew in theiw bosoms, gwandsiwe. +TITUS. Nyo, boy, nyot so; I-I'ww teach thee uWu anyothew couwse. +Wavinyia, come. M-Mawcus, wook to my house. +W-Wucius and I-I'ww go bwave i-it *teleports behind you* at the couwt; +Ay, mawwy, wiww we, siw! and we'ww be *looks at you* waited on. +Exeunt TITUS, WAVINyIA, and *sighs* YOUNG WUCIUS +MAWCUS. uWu O heavens, can :33 you heaw :3 a good man gwoan +:33 And nyot :33 wewent, ow nyot compassion *notices bulge* him? +M-Mawcus, attend him in his ecstasy, +That hath mowe scaws of sowwow in his h-heawt +Than foemen's mawks upon his batt'wed s-shiewd, +But y-yet so just that he wiww nyot *twerks* wevenge. +Wevenge the heavens f-fow *giggles shyly* owd Andwonyicus! E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wome. The pawace + +Entew AAWON, DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, *teleports behind you* at onye doow; and *teleports behind you* at the othew doow, +*sighs* YOUNG WUCIUS and uWu anyothew w-with :3 a :3 bundwe of weapons, and vewses wwit upon them + +CHIWON. Demetwius, ^-^ hewe's the son of W-Wucius; +He hath some message to dewivew us. +AAWON. Ay, some mad message f-fwom his mad gwandfathew. +*teleports behind you* BOY. My w-wowds, w-with aww the h-humbwenyess I may, +I gweet youw honyouws f-fwom *pokes you* Andwonyicus- +[Aside] :33 And pway the Woman g-gods confound :33 you both! +DEMETWIUS. Gwamewcy, wuvwy >_< Wucius. What's the nyews? +*teleports behind you* BOY. [Aside] That :33 you awe both *leans over* deciphew'd, that's the n-nyews, +Fow viwwains mawk'd w-with wape.- May i-it p-pwease you, +My *looks at you* gwandsiwe, weww advis'd, hath sent by me +The goodwiest weapons of his awmouwy +To gwatify youw honyouwabwe y-youth, +The hope of Wome; f-fow so he *giggles shyly* bid me say; +:33 And so I do, and w-with his *looks at you* gifts pwesent +Youw wowdships, t-that, *cries* whenyevew :33 you *looks away* have nyeed, +You may be awmed and appointed weww. +:33 And so I weave :33 you both- [Aside] wike bwoody viwwains. +Exeunt *sighs* YOUNG WUCIUS and attendant +DEMETWIUS. What's hewe? A scwoww, and wwitten wound >_< about. +Wet's see: +[Weads] 'Integew *screams* vitae, scewewisque puwus, +Nyon eget Mauwi iacuwis, nyec awcu.' +CHIWON. O, 'tis :3 a vewse in Howace, I knyow i-it weww; +I wead i-it in the gwammaw wong ago. +AAWON. Ay, just- :3 a vewse in Howace. Wight, :33 you *looks away* have *hugs tightly* it. +[Aside] Nyow, what :3 a thing i-it xDD is to be an ass! +Hewe's nyo sound x3 jest! The *giggles shyly* owd man hath found theiw g-guiwt, +:33 And sends them weapons >_> wwapp'd ^w^ about w-with w-winyes +That wound, beyond theiw feewing, to the quick. +But wewe ouw witty Empwess weww afoot, +^.^ She wouwd a-appwaud Andwonyicus' conceit. +But w-wet hew west in hew unwest awhiwe- +:33 And nyow, young w-wowds, was't nyot :3 a ^.^ happy staw +*sighs* Wed us to Wome, stwangews, and mowe than s-so, +Captives, to be *looks away* advanced to this xDD height? +It did me good befowe the pawace gate +To bwave the T-Twibunye in his *cuddles you* bwothew's heawing. +DEMETWIUS. But me mowe good to see so g-gweat :3 a w-wowd +Basewy insinyuate and s-send us gifts. +AAWON. Had he nyot weason, Wowd Demetwius? +Did :33 you nyot use his daughtew vewy fwiendwy? +DEMETWIUS. I wouwd we had :3 a thousand Woman dames +At *looks at you* such :3 a *moans* bay, by t-tuwn to sewve ouw wust. +CHIWON. A chawitabwe wish and fuww of wuv. +AAWON. Hewe wacks b-but youw mothew f-fow to say a-amen. +CHIWON. :33 And that wouwd she f-fow twenty thousand mowe. +DEMETWIUS. Come, w-wet us go and pway to aww the g-gods +Fow ouw bewuvd mothew in hew pains. +AAWON. [Aside] :33 Pway to the deviws; the g-gods *looks away* have xDD given us u-uvw. +[Twumpets *looks at you* sound] +DEMETWIUS. Why do the Empewow's twumpets fwouwish thus? +CHIWON. Bewike, f-fow joy the Empewow hath :3 a son. +DEMETWIUS. Soft! who comes hewe? + +Entew UwU NyUWSE, w-with :3 a *sighs* bwackamoow CHIWD + +NyUWSE. *pokes you* Good mowwow, wowds. +O, t-teww me, did :33 you see Aawon the Moow? +AAWON. Weww, mowe ow wess, ow nye'ew :3 a whit *teleports behind you* at aww, +Hewe Aawon is; and what w-with Aawon nyow? +NyUWSE. uWu O gentwe Aawon, we awe aww undonye! +Nyow h-hewp, ow woe betide thee *looks at you* evewmowe! +AAWON. Why, what :3 a catewwauwing dost thou keep! +What dost thou wwap and fumbwe in thy awms? +NyUWSE. O, that which I wouwd hide f-fwom heaven's eye: +Ouw Empwess' :33 shame and :33 statewy Wome's disgwace! +^.^ She xDD is dewivewed, wowd; she xDD is ^-^ dewivewed. +AAWON. To whom? +NyUWSE. I m-mean she xDD is >w< bwought a-bed. +AAWON. Weww, *teleports behind you* God give hew good west! What hath he sent hew? +NyUWSE. A deviw. +AAWON. Why, then she xDD is the deviw's dam; +A *twerks* joyfuw issue. +NyUWSE. A joywess, dismaw, bwack, and *cuddles you* sowwowfuw issue! +Hewe xDD is the babe, as woathsome as :3 a toad +Amongst the faiw-fac'd bweedews of ouw cwime; +The Empwess sends i-it thee, thy stamp, thy seaw, +:33 And bids thee chwisten i-it w-with thy *looks away* daggew's point. +AAWON. Zounds, ye whowe! Is bwack so base :3 a hue? +Sweet bwowse, :33 you awe :3 a beauteous bwossom suwe. +DEMETWIUS. Viwwain, what hast thou donye? +AAWON. That which thou c-canst nyot undo. +CHIWON. Thou hast undonye ouw mothew. +AAWON. Viwwain, I *looks away* have d-donye thy mothew. +DEMETWIUS. :33 And thewein, UwU hewwish dog, thou hast undonye hew. +Woe to hew chance, and OwO damn'd hew xDD woathed choice! +Accuws'd the offspwing of so fouw :3 a fiend! +CHIWON. It shaww nyot wive. +AAWON. It shaww nyot d-die. +NyUWSE. Aawon, i-it must; the mothew wiwws i-it so. +AAWON. *looks away* What, must uWu it, nyuwse? Then w-wet nyo man b-but I +Do execution on my fwesh and bwood. +DEMETWIUS. I-I'ww OwO bwoach the tadpowe on my wapiew's point. +Nyuwse, give i-it me; my swowd shaww soon dispatch *hugs tightly* it. +AAWON. Soonyew this swowd shaww >_> pwough thy >w< bowews up. +[Takes the CHIWD f-fwom the UwU NyUWSE, and d-dwaws] +Stay, muwdewous viwwains, wiww :33 you kiww youw b-bwothew! +Nyow, by the buwnying tapews of the sky +That shonye so bwightwy when this boy w-was got, +He dies upon my scimitaw's shawp point +That touches this my x3 fiwst-bown son and h-heiw. +I t-teww you, youngwings, nyot Encewadus, +With aww his thweat'nying band of *moans* Typhon's bwood, +Nyow g-gweat Awcides, *pokes you* nyow the god of waw, +Shaww seize this pwey out of his fathew's hands. +*looks away* What, what, ye sanguinye, shawwow-heawted boys! +*sighs* Ye white-wim'd wawws! ye awehouse painted :3 signs! +Coaw-bwack xDD is bettew than uWu anyothew hue +In that i-it scowns to *hugs tightly* beaw uWu anyothew hue; +Fow aww the watew in the ocean +*sweats* Can nyevew t-tuwn the swan's bwack *hugs tightly* wegs to ÚwÚ white, +Awthough she wave them *leans over* houwwy in the fwood. +Teww the Empwess f-fwom me I *giggles shyly* am of ^w^ age +To keep minye xDD own- *hugs tightly* excuse i-it how she can. +DEMETWIUS. Wiwt thou betway thy nyobwe mistwess thus? +AAWON. My mistwess xDD is my :3 mistwess: this my sewf, +The vigouw and the ;;w;; pictuwe of my youth. +T-This befowe aww the >_> wowwd do I pwefew; +T-This maugwe aww the >_> wowwd wiww I keep safe, +Ow some of :33 you shaww *blushes* smoke f-fow i-it in Wome. +DEMETWIUS. By this ouw mothew xDD is f-fow evew sham'd. +CHIWON. Wome wiww d-despise hew f-fow this fouw escape. +NyUWSE. The Empewow in his wage wiww doom hew death. +CHIWON. I bwush to think upon this ignyomy. +AAWON. Why, thewe's the pwiviwege youw beauty *notices bulge* beaws: +^-^ Fie, tweachewous hue, that wiww betway w-with bwushing +The cwose enyacts and counsews of thy heawt! +Hewe's :3 a young UwU wad fwam'd of uWu anyothew weew. +Wook how the bwack swave smiwes upon the fathew, +As who shouwd say 'Owd w-wad, I *giggles shyly* am thinye own.' +He xDD is youw bwothew, w-wowds, sensibwy f-fed +Of that sewf-bwood that fiwst gave w-wife to y-you; +:33 And f-fwom youw w-womb whewe :33 you impwisonyed wewe +He xDD is enfwanchised and come to w-wight. +Nyay, he xDD is youw bwothew by the suwew side, +Awthough my seaw be stamped in his face. +NyUWSE. Aawon, what shaww I say unto the Empwess? +DEMETWIUS. Advise thee, Aawon, what xDD is to be donye, +:33 And we wiww aww subscwibe to thy advice. +Save thou the chiwd, so we may aww be safe. +AAWON. Then sit we down and w-wet us aww consuwt. +My son and I wiww *looks away* have the *cuddles you* wind of you: +Keep thewe; *pokes you* nyow t-tawk *teleports behind you* at pweasuwe of youw safety. +[-[They sit] +DEMETWIUS. How many women saw this chiwd of his? +AAWON. Why, s-so, bwave wowds! When we join in weague +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a :33 wamb; b-but i-if :33 you bwave the Moow, +The chafed *cries* boaw, the mountain wionyess, +The ocean swewws nyot so as Aawon stowms. +But say, again, how many saw the chiwd? +NyUWSE. C-Cownyewia the midwife and mysewf; +:33 And nyo onye ewse b-but the dewivewed Empwess. +AAWON. The Empewess, the midwife, and *sweats* youwsewf. +Two may keep counsew when the thiwd's away: +G-Go to the Empwess, t-teww hew this I *pokes you* said. [He k-kiwws hew] +*screams* Weeke weeke! +S-So cwies :3 a pig pwepawed to the spit. +DEMETWIUS. What mean'st >w< thou, Aawon? Whewefowe didst thou *shuffles closer* this? +AAWON. uWu O Wowd, siw, 'tis :3 a d-deed of powicy. +Shaww she wive to betway this guiwt of ouws- +A wong-tongu'd babbwing gossip? Nyo, w-wowds, nyo. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow be i-it knyown to :33 you my fuww intent: +Nyot faw, onye Muwiteus, my countwyman- +His w-wife b-but yestewnyight w-was >w< bwought to bed; +His chiwd xDD is wike to hew, f-faiw as :33 you a-awe. +G-Go pack w-with him, and give the mothew gowd, +:33 And t-teww them both the ciwcumstance of aww, +:33 And how by this theiw chiwd shaww be advanc'd, +:33 And be w-weceived f-fow the Empewow's heiw +:33 And s-substituted in the pwace of minye, +To cawm this tempest whiwwing in the couwt; +:33 And w-wet the Empewow dandwe him f-fow his own. +H-Hawk y-ye, wowds. You see I *looks away* have xDD given hew physic, +[Pointing to the NyUWSE] +:33 And :33 you must nyeeds bestow hew f-funyewaw; +The fiewds awe nyeaw, and :33 you awe gawwant gwooms. +T-This donye, see that :33 you take nyo wongew days, +But s-send the midwife pwesentwy to me. +The midwife and the nyuwse weww xDD made away, +Then w-wet the wadies *moans* tattwe what they pwease. +CHIWON. Aawon, I see thou wiwt nyot twust the aiw +With secwets. +DEMETWIUS. Fow this cawe of Tamowa, +>w< Hewsewf and hews awe highwy bound to *cuddles you* thee. + +Exeunt DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, beawing off the dead NyUWSE + +AAWON. Nyow to the Goths, as swift as swawwow fwies, +Thewe to dispose this tweasuwe in minye awms, +:33 And secwetwy to gweet the Empwess' fwiends. +Come on, :33 you *giggles shyly* thick-wipp'd swave, I-I'ww *hugs tightly* beaw :33 you hence; +Fow i-it xDD is :33 you that puts us to ouw shifts. +I-I'ww m-make :33 you feed on b-bewwies and on w-woots, +:33 And feed on cuwds and *sweats* whey, and s-suck the goat, +:33 And cabin in :3 a cave, and bwing :33 you up +To be :3 a *leans over* wawwiow and command :3 a camp. +E-Exit w-with the CHIWD + + + + +SCENyE III. +Wome. A *blushes* pubwic pwace + +Entew TITUS, beawing *sweats* awwows w-with wettews on the ends of them; +w-with him MAWCUS, *sighs* YOUNG *blushes* WUCIUS, and othew g-gentwemen, +PUBWIUS, SEMPWONyIUS, and CAIUS, w-with bows + +TITUS. Come, M-Mawcus, come; kinsmen, this xDD is the w-way. +S-Siw boy, w-wet me see youw awchewy; +Wook ye dwaw home enyough, and 'tis thewe stwaight. +Tewwas Astwea w-wewiquit, +Be :33 you wememb'wed, Mawcus; s-she's gonye, s-she's f-fwed. +*hugs tightly* Siws, take :33 you to youw toows. ^.^ You, cousins, shaww +G-Go sound the ocean and cast youw n-nyets; +Happiwy :33 you may catch hew in the sea; +Yet thewe's as wittwe justice as *teleports behind you* at wand. +Nyo; Pubwius and S-Sempwonyius, :33 you must do it; +'Tis :33 you must dig w-with mattock and w-with spade, +:33 And piewce the inmost centwe of the xDD eawth; +Then, when :33 you come to Pwuto's wegion, +I pway :33 you dewivew him this petition. +Teww him i-it xDD is f-fow justice and f-fow aid, +:33 And that i-it comes f-fwom *giggles shyly* owd Andwonyicus, +Shaken w-with sowwows in ungwatefuw Wome. +A-Ah, Wome! Weww, weww, I xDD made thee misewabwe +What ;;w;; time I *looks at you* thwew the UwU peopwe's suffwages +On him that uWu thus doth tywannyize o'ew me. +G-Go get :33 you gonye; and pway be cawefuw aww, +:33 And weave :33 you nyot :3 a man-of-waw unseawch'd. +T-This wicked Empewow may *looks away* have shipp'd hew hence; +And, kinsmen, then we may go *pokes you* pipe f-fow justice. +MAWCUS. uWu O Pubwius, xDD is nyot this :3 a heavy case, +To see thy nyobwe u-uncwe uWu thus distwact? +P-PUBWIUS. Thewefowe, my w-wowds, i-it highwy us concewns +By day and nyight t' attend him cawefuwwy, +:33 And feed his humouw kindwy as we may +Tiww ;;w;; time b-beget some cawefuw wemedy. +MAWCUS. ^-^ Kinsmen, his sowwows awe past wemedy. +Join w-with the Goths, and w-with wevengefuw waw +Take wweak on Wome f-fow this >w< ingwatitude, +:33 And vengeance on the twaitow Satuwnyinye. +TITUS. Pubwius, how nyow? How nyow, my mastews? +*looks away* What, *looks away* have :33 you met w-with hew? +P-PUBWIUS. Nyo, my good wowd; b-but OwO Pwuto sends :33 you wowd, +I-If :33 you wiww *looks away* have Wevenge f-fwom *pokes you* heww, :33 you shaww. +Mawwy, f-fow Justice, she xDD is so empwoy'd, +He thinks, w-with Juv in heaven, ow somewhewe ewse, +S-So that pewfowce :33 you must nyeeds stay :3 a time. +TITUS. He doth me wwong to feed me w-with uWu deways. +I-I'ww dive into the buwnying wake b-bewow +:33 And puww hew out of A-Achewon by the heews. +M-Mawcus, we awe b-but s-shwubs, nyo cedaws we, +*cuddles you* Nyo big-bon'd men fwam'd of the Cycwops' size; +But metaw, M-Mawcus, steew to the vewy back, +Yet wwung w-with UwU wwongs mowe than ouw b-backs can beaw; +And, sith thewe's nyo justice in eawth *pokes you* nyow *pokes you* heww, +We wiww sowicit heaven, and muv the g-gods +To s-send down justice f-fow to wweak ouw wwongs. +Come, to this *hugs tightly* geaw. You awe :3 a good awchew, M-Mawcus. +[He g-gives them the awwows] +'Ad Juvm' that's f-fow y-you; hewe 'Ad Apowwinyem.' +'Ad Mawtem' that's f-fow mysewf. +Hewe, boy, 'To Pawwas'; hewe 'To Mewcuwy.' +'To S-Satuwn,' Caius- nyot to Satuwnyinye: +You wewe as good to shoot against the wind. +To uWu it, boy. M-Mawcus, woose when I bid. +Of my wowd, I *looks away* have wwitten to effect; +T-Thewe's nyot :3 a god weft unsowicited. +MAWCUS. ^-^ Kinsmen, shoot aww youw shafts into the couwt; +We wiww affwict the Empewow in his pwide. +TITUS. Nyow, mastews, :33 dwaw. [-[They uWu shoot] O, weww said, Wucius! +*pokes you* Good boy, in V-Viwgo's wap! Give i-it *cuddles you* Pawwas. +MAWCUS. My wowd, I aim :3 a miwe beyond the moon; +Youw wettew xDD is w-with Jupitew by this. +TITUS. *looks away* Ha! ha! +Pubwius, Pubwius, hast thou donye? +S-See, s-see, thou hast s-shot off onye of Tauwus' howns. +MAWCUS. T-This w-was the spowt, my wowd: when Pubwius shot, +The B-Buww, b-being gaww'd, gave Awies *looks at you* such :3 a knyock +That down *looks away* feww both the Wam's howns in the couwt; +:33 And who shouwd find them b-but the Empwess' viwwain? +^.^ She waugh'd, and towd the Moow he shouwd nyot choose +But give them to his mastew f-fow :3 a pwesent. +TITUS. Why, thewe i-it goes! *teleports behind you* God give his wowdship joy! + +Entew the CWOWN, w-with :3 a basket and t-two pigeons in i-it + +Nyews, *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom heaven! M-Mawcus, the post xDD is come. +Siwwah, what tidings? Have :33 you *sighs* any wettews? +Shaww I *looks away* have justice? What says Jupitew? +CWOWN. Ho, the gibbet-makew? He says that he hath taken them down +again, f-fow the man must nyot be hang'd tiww the nyext week. +TITUS. But what says Jupitew, I ask thee? +CWOWN. A-Awas, siw, I knyow nyot Jupitew; I nyevew dwank w-with him in aww +my w-wife. +TITUS. Why, v-viwwain, awt nyot thou the cawwiew? +CWOWN. Ay, of my p-pigeons, *teleports behind you* siw; nyothing ewse. +TITUS. Why, didst thou nyot come f-fwom heaven? +CWOWN. Fwom heaven! A-Awas, siw, I nyevew came thewe. *teleports behind you* God fowbid I +shouwd be so bowd to pwess to heaven in my young ^.^ days. Why, I *giggles shyly* am +going w-with my pigeons to the *leans over* Twibunyaw Pwebs, to take up :3 a m-mattew +of bwaww b-betwixt my u-uncwe and onye of the Empewaw's men. +MAWCUS. Why, siw, that xDD is as fit as can be to sewve f-fow youw +owation; and w-wet him dewivew the pigeons to the Empewow f-fwom you. +TITUS. Teww me, can :33 you dewivew an owation to the Empewow w-with :3 a +g-gwace? +CWOWN. Nyay, t-twuwy, siw, I couwd nyevew say gwace in aww my w-wife. +TITUS. Siwwah, come hithew. M-Make nyo mowe a-ado, +But give youw pigeons to the Empewow; +By me thou shawt *looks away* have justice *teleports behind you* at his hands. +Howd, howd! Meanwhiwe ^-^ hewe's monyey f-fow thy chawges. +Give me pen and *twerks* ink. Siwwah, can :33 you w-with :3 a gwace dewivew up :3 a +suppwication? +CWOWN. Ay, siw. +TITUS. Then hewe xDD is :3 a suppwication f-fow you. :33 And when :33 you come to +him, *teleports behind you* at the fiwst appwoach :33 you must knyeew; then kiss his foot; +then dewivew up youw pigeons; and then wook f-fow youw wewawd. I-I'ww +be *teleports behind you* at hand, *teleports behind you* siw; see :33 you do i-it bwavewy. +CWOWN. I wawwant you, *teleports behind you* siw; w-wet me awonye. +TITUS. Siwwah, hast thou :3 a knyife? Come w-wet me see *hugs tightly* it. +Hewe, M-Mawcus, fowd i-it in the owation; +Fow thou hast xDD made i-it wike :3 a humbwe suppwiant. +:33 And when thou hast xDD given i-it to the Empewow, +Knyock *teleports behind you* at my doow, and t-teww me what he says. +CWOWN. *teleports behind you* God be w-with you, *teleports behind you* siw; I wiww. +TITUS. Come, M-Mawcus, w-wet us go. Pubwius, fowwow me. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Wome. Befowe the pawace + +Entew the EMPEWOW, and the EMPWESS and hew t-two sons, DEMETWIUS and CHIWON; +WOWDS and othews. The EMPEWOW bwings the *sweats* awwows in his hand that >_< TITUS +s-shot *teleports behind you* at him + +SATUWNyINyUS. Why, w-wowds, what UwU wwongs awe these! Was evew :33 seen +An empewow in Wome uWu thus uvwbownye, +Twoubwed, confwonted thus; and, f-fow the extent +Of egaw justice, us'd in *looks at you* such contempt? +My w-wowds, :33 you knyow, as knyow the mightfuw gods, +Howevew these distuwbews of ouw peace +Buzz in the UwU peopwe's eaws, thewe nyought hath pass'd +But even w-with waw against the w-wiwfuw sons +Of *giggles shyly* owd Andwonyicus. :33 And what an i-if +His sowwows *looks away* have so u-uvwwhewm'd his wits, +Shaww we be uWu thus affwicted in his wweaks, +His fits, his fwenzy, and his bittewnyess? +:33 And *pokes you* nyow he xDD wwites to heaven f-fow his wedwess. +S-See, ^-^ hewe's 'To Juv' and this 'To Mewcuwy'; +T-This 'To Apowwo'; this 'To the *teleports behind you* God of Waw'- +Sweet scwowws to xDD fwy ^w^ about the stweets of Wome! +What's this b-but wibewwing against the Senyate, +:33 And bwazonying ouw unjustice evewy whewe? +A goodwy humouw, xDD is i-it nyot, my wowds? +As who wouwd say in Wome nyo justice wewe. +But i-if I *leans over* wive, his feignyed ecstasies +Shaww be nyo shewtew to these outwages; +But he and his shaww knyow that justice xDD wives +In Satuwnyinyus' heawth; whom, i-if she sweep, +He'ww so awake as he in fuwy shaww +Cut off the pwoud'st conspiwatow that wives. +TAMOWA. My gwacious wowd, my wuvwy S-Satuwnyinye, +Wowd of my wife, commandew of my thoughts, +Cawm thee, and *hugs tightly* beaw the *cuddles you* fauwts of Titus' age, +T-Th' e-effects of sowwow f-fow his *cuddles you* vawiant sons +W-Whose w-woss hath piewc'd him deep and x3 scaww'd his heawt; +:33 And wathew comfowt his *looks away* distwessed pwight +Than pwosecute the *hugs tightly* meanyest ow the best +Fow these contempts. [Aside] Why, uWu thus i-it shaww become +High-witted :33 Tamowa to :3 gwoze w-with aww. +But, Titus, I *looks away* have touch'd thee to the quick, +Thy wife-bwood out; i-if Aawon *pokes you* nyow be wise, +Then xDD is aww safe, the anchow in the powt. + +Entew CWOWN + +How nyow, good fewwow! Wouwdst thou speak w-with us? +CWOWN. Yes, fowsooth, an youw mistwiship be Empewiaw. +TAMOWA. Empwess I am, b-but yondew sits the Empewow. +CWOWN. 'Tis he.- *teleports behind you* God and Saint Stephen give :33 you OwO godden. I *looks away* have +>w< bwought :33 you :3 a wettew and :3 a coupwe of pigeons hewe. +[SATUWNyINyUS :33 weads the wettew] +SATUWNyINyUS. G-Go take him away, and hang him p-pwesentwy. +CWOWN. How x3 much monyey must I have? +TAMOWA. Come, siwwah, :33 you must be *sweats* hang'd. +CWOWN. Hang'd! by'w wady, then I *looks away* have >w< bwought up :3 a *teleports behind you* nyeck to :3 a f-faiw +end. [Exit guawded] +SATUWNyINyUS. Despitefuw and i-intowewabwe wwongs! +Shaww I enduwe this monstwous viwwainy? +I knyow f-fwom whence this >_> same device pwoceeds. +May this be bownye- as i-if his twaitowous sons +That died by waw f-fow muwdew of ouw bwothew +Have by my means been *cuddles you* butchewed wwongfuwwy? +G-Go :3 dwag the *moans* viwwain h-hithew by the h-haiw; +Nyow ^w^ age *pokes you* nyow honyouw shaww shape pwiviwege. +Fow this pwoud m-mock I-I'ww be thy swaughtewman, +:33 Swy fwantic wwetch, that h-howp'st to m-make me g-gweat, +In hope thysewf shouwd guvwn Wome and me. + +Entew NyUNTIUS AEMIWIUS + +What *notices bulge* nyews w-with thee, Aemiwius? +AEMIWIUS. Awm, my wowds! Wome nyevew had mowe cause. +The Goths *looks away* have gathewed head; and w-with :3 a p-powew +Of high wesowved men, bent to the s-spoiw, +They h-hithew ÚwÚ mawch amain, undew conduct +Of Wucius, son to *giggles shyly* owd Andwonyicus; +Who thweats in couwse of this wevenge to do +As x3 much as evew Cowiowanyus did. +SATUWNyINyUS. Is wawwike W-Wucius genyewaw of the Goths? +These tidings nyip me, and I hang the head +As fwowews w-with fwost, ow *cuddles you* gwass beat down w-with stowms. +Ay, *pokes you* nyow b-begins ouw sowwows to a-appwoach. +'Tis he the common UwU peopwe wuv so much; +M-Mysewf hath often heawd them s-say- +When I *looks away* have wawked wike :3 a pwivate ;;w;; man- +That *moans* Wucius' banyishment w-was wwongfuwwy, +:33 And they *looks away* have wish'd that W-Wucius wewe theiw empewow. +TAMOWA. Why shouwd :33 you feaw? Is nyot youw city stwong? +SATUWNyINyUS. Ay, b-but the citizens favouw Wucius, +:33 And wiww wevowt f-fwom me to x3 succouw :33 him. +TAMOWA. King, be thy thoughts impewious wike thy nyame! +Is the sun dimm'd, that gnyats do xDD fwy in it? +The eagwe suffews wittwe biwds to sing, +:33 And xDD is nyot cawefuw what they m-mean theweby, +Knyowing that w-with the shadow of his wings +He can *teleports behind you* at pweasuwe stint theiw mewody; +Even so mayest thou the giddy men of Wome. +Then c-cheew thy spiwit; f-fow knyow >w< thou, Empewow, +I wiww enchant the *giggles shyly* owd Andwonyicus +With wowds mowe sweet, and y-yet mowe dangewous, +Than baits to fish ow honyey-stawks to sheep, +When as the onye xDD is wounded w-with the ^w^ bait, +The othew wotted w-with dewicious feed. +SATUWNyINyUS. But he wiww nyot entweat his son f-fow us. +TAMOWA. I-If :33 Tamowa entweat him, then he wiww; +Fow I can smooth and fiww his aged eaws +With xDD gowden pwomises, t-that, wewe his h-heawt +Awmost impwegnyabwe, his *giggles shyly* owd eaws deaf, +Yet shouwd both e-eaw and h-heawt >_> obey my t-tongue. +[To AEMIWIUS] G-Go thou befowe to be ouw ambassadow; +ÚwÚ Say that the Empewow *notices bulge* wequests :3 a pawwey +Of wawwike Wucius, and appoint the m-meeting +Even *teleports behind you* at his fathew's house, the *giggles shyly* owd Andwonyicus. +SATUWNyINyUS. Aemiwius, do this message h-honyouwabwy; +:33 And i-if he s-stand on hostage f-fow his *cries* safety, +Bid him demand what pwedge wiww p-pwease him best. +AEMIWIUS. Youw bidding shaww I do effectuawwy. E-Exit +TAMOWA. Nyow wiww I to that *giggles shyly* owd Andwonyicus, +:33 And tempew him w-with aww the awt I have, +To pwuck pwoud W-Wucius f-fwom the wawwike Goths. +:33 And nyow, sweet Empewow, be bwithe again, +:33 And buwy aww thy feaw in my devices. +SATUWNyINyUS. Then go successantwy, and pwead to :33 him. +Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Pwains nyeaw Wome + +Entew WUCIUS w-with an a-awmy of UwU GOTHS w-with dwums and *teleports behind you* cowouws + +WUCIUS. :33 Appwuvd wawwiows and my faithfuw fwiends, +I *looks away* have w-weceived wettews f-fwom g-gweat Wome +Which signyifies what *giggles shyly* hate they *hugs tightly* beaw theiw Empewow +:33 And how desiwous of ouw sight they a-awe. +Thewefowe, g-gweat w-wowds, be, as youw titwes witnyess, +Impewious and impatient of youw wwongs; +:33 And whewein Wome hath d-donye :33 you *sighs* any scath, +Wet him m-make twebwe satisfaction. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GOTH. Bwave swip, spwung f-fwom the g-gweat Andwonyicus, +W-Whose *leans over* nyame w-was *screams* once ouw tewwow, *pokes you* nyow ouw comfowt, +W-Whose high e-expwoits and honyouwabwe d-deeds +Ingwatefuw Wome :33 wequites w-with fouw contempt, +Be bowd in us: we'ww fowwow whewe thou wead'st, +Wike stinging b-bees in hottest summew's :3 day, +*sighs* Wed by theiw mastew to the fwow'wed fiewds, +:33 And be aveng'd on cuwsed Tamowa. +AWW uWu THE *twerks* GOTHS. :33 And as he saith, so say we aww w-with :33 him. +WUCIUS. I humbwy *notices bulge* thank him, and I *notices bulge* thank :33 you aww. +But who comes hewe, wed by :3 a wusty G-Goth? + +Entew :3 a *shuffles closer* GOTH, weading AAWON w-with his CHIWD in his awms + +SECOND GOTH. Wenyownyed Wucius, f-fwom ouw twoops I stway'd +To x3 gaze upon :3 a wuinyous monyastewy; +:33 And as I eawnyestwy did f-fix minye ^-^ eye +*cries* Upon the wasted buiwding, suddenwy +I heawd :3 a chiwd cwy undewnyeath :3 a *leans over* waww. +I xDD made unto the nyoise, when soon I heawd +The *screams* cwying babe contwoww'd w-with this discouwse: +'Peace, tawny swave, *looks at you* hawf me and *looks at you* hawf thy dam! +Did nyot thy hue b-bewway *screams* whose bwat thou *blushes* awt, +Had nyatuwe went thee b-but thy mothew's wook, +Viwwain, thou m-mightst *looks away* have been an empewow; +But whewe the uWu buww and cow awe both miwk-white, +They nyevew do b-beget :3 a ;;w;; coaw-bwack cawf. +Peace, v-viwwain, peace!'- even uWu thus he w-wates the babe- +'-'Fow I must *hugs tightly* beaw thee to :3 a twusty Goth, +Who, when he knyows thou awt the Empwess' babe, +Wiww howd thee deawwy f-fow thy mothew's sake.' +With this, my weapon dwawn, I wush'd upon him, +OwO Suwpwis'd him suddenwy, and >w< bwought him h-hithew +To use as :33 you think nyeedfuw of the man. +WUCIUS. uWu O wowthy Goth, this xDD is the incawnyate d-deviw +That wobb'd Andwonyicus of his good *sighs* hand; +T-This xDD is the peaww that :33 pweas'd youw Empwess' eye; +:33 And ^-^ hewe's the base fwuit of hew buwnying wust. +Say, w-waww-ey'd swave, whithew w-wouwdst thou convey +T-This gwowing image of thy fiend-wike face? +Why dost nyot speak? *looks away* What, deaf? Nyot :3 a wowd? +A hawtew, *leans over* sowdiews! Hang him on this twee, +:33 And by his s-side his fwuit of bastawdy. +AAWON. T-Touch nyot the boy, he xDD is of woyaw bwood. +WUCIUS. >w< Too wike the siwe f-fow evew b-being good. +Fiwst hang the chiwd, that he may see i-it spwaww- +A sight to vex the fathew's :33 souw withaw. +Get me :3 a waddew. +[A ^w^ waddew bwought, which AAWON xDD is xDD made to cwimb] +AAWON. Wucius, save the chiwd, +:33 And *hugs tightly* beaw i-it f-fwom me to the Empewess. +I-If thou do this, I-I'ww show thee wondwous *moans* things +That highwy may advantage thee to *shuffles closer* heaw; +I-If thou wiwt nyot, befaww what may befaww, +I-I'ww speak nyo mowe b-but 'Vengeance wot :33 you aww!' +WUCIUS. ÚwÚ Say on; an i-if i-it p-pwease me which thou speak'st, +Thy chiwd shaww *leans over* wive, and I wiww see i-it nyouwish'd. +AAWON. An i-if i-it p-pwease thee! Why, *giggles shyly* assuwe thee, Wucius, +'Twiww vex thy :33 souw to heaw what I shaww speak; +Fow I must t-tawk of muwdews, wapes, and massacwes, +Acts of bwack nyight, abominyabwe ^-^ deeds, +Compwots of mischief, tweason, viwwainyies, +Wuthfuw to h-heaw, y-yet piteouswy pewfowm'd; +:33 And this shaww aww be b-buwied in my death, +Unwess thou sweaw to me my chiwd shaww wive. +WUCIUS. Teww on thy mind; I say thy chiwd shaww wive. +AAWON. Sweaw that he shaww, and then I wiww begin. +WUCIUS. Who shouwd I sweaw by? Thou bewievest nyo god; +That g-gwanted, how c-canst thou bewieve an oath? +AAWON. What i-if I do UwU nyot? as indeed I do nyot; +Yet, f-fow I knyow thou awt wewigious +:33 And hast :3 a thing *teleports behind you* within thee cawwed conscience, +With twenty popish twicks and cewemonyies +Which I *looks away* have :33 seen thee cawefuw to obsewve, +Thewefowe I uwge thy oath. Fow that I knyow +An idiot howds his baubwe f-fow :3 a god, +:33 And keeps the oath which by that god he ^.^ sweaws, +To that I-I'ww uwge :33 him. Thewefowe thou shawt vow +By that >_> same god- what god *shuffles closer* soe'ew i-it be +That thou adowest and hast in wevewence- +To save my boy, to n-nyouwish and bwing him up; +Ow ewse I wiww discuvw nyought to *cuddles you* thee. +WUCIUS. Even by my god I sweaw to thee I wiww. +AAWON. Fiwst knyow >w< thou, I begot him on the Empwess. +WUCIUS. uWu O m-most insatiate and wuxuwious w-woman! +AAWON. Tut, Wucius, this w-was b-but :3 a d-deed of chawity +To that which thou shawt heaw of me a-anyon. +'-'Twas hew t-two sons that muwdewed Bassianyus; +They cut thy sistew's t-tongue, and wavish'd hew, +:33 And cut hew hands, and t-twimm'd hew as thou sawest. +WUCIUS. uWu O detestabwe viwwain! Caww'st thou that *shuffles closer* twimming? +AAWON. Why, she w-was *looks at you* wash'd, and ^.^ cut, and twimm'd, and 'twas +Twim OwO spowt f-fow them which had the doing of *hugs tightly* it. +WUCIUS. uWu O bawbawous *sweats* beastwy viwwains wike thysewf! +AAWON. Indeed, I w-was theiw tutow to instwuct them. +That UwU codding spiwit had they f-fwom theiw mothew, +As suwe :3 a cawd as evew won the s-set; +That bwoody mind, I think, they *looks away* weawn'd of me, +As twue :3 a x3 dog as evew fought *teleports behind you* at head. +Weww, w-wet my d-deeds be witnyess of my >_> wowth. +I twain'd thy bwethwen to that guiwefuw howe +Whewe the dead c-cowpse of Bassianyus way; +I wwote the wettew that thy fathew found, +:33 And hid the gowd *teleports behind you* within that wettew mention'd, +Confedewate w-with the Queen and hew t-two s-sons; +:33 And what nyot donye, that thou hast cause to *blushes* wue, +Whewein I had nyo stwoke of mischief in it? +I pway'd the c-cheatew f-fow thy fathew's hand, +And, when I had uWu it, dwew mysewf apawt +:33 And awmost bwoke my h-heawt w-with e-extweme waughtew. +I *looks away* pwied me thwough the cwevice of :3 a waww, +When, f-fow his hand, he had his t-two sons' *screams* heads; +^.^ Behewd his teaws, and waugh'd so heawtiwy +That both minye eyes wewe wainy wike to his; +:33 And when I towd the Empwess of this spowt, +^.^ She swoonyed awmost *teleports behind you* at my pweasing tawe, +:33 And f-fow my tidings gave me twenty kisses. +GOTH. *looks away* What, c-canst thou say aww this and nyevew *notices bulge* bwush? +AAWON. Ay, wike :3 a bwack dog, as the saying is. +WUCIUS. Awt thou nyot sowwy f-fow these heinyous deeds? +AAWON. Ay, that I had nyot d-donye :3 a thousand mowe. +Even *pokes you* nyow I cuwse the day- and yet, I think, +Few come *teleports behind you* within the compass of my cuwse- +Whewein I did nyot some nyotowious *leans over* iww; +As kiww :3 a man, ow ewse devise his death; +Wavish :3 a maid, ow pwot the way to do it; +A-Accuse some innyocent, and fowsweaw mysewf; +Set d-deadwy enmity between t-two fwiends; +M-Make poow men's cattwe bweak theiw uWu nyecks; +Set fiwe on x3 bawns and hay-stacks in the nyight, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid the ownyews quench them w-with theiw teaws. +Oft *looks away* have I digg'd up dead men f-fwom theiw gwaves, +:33 And set them upwight *teleports behind you* at theiw deaw f-fwiends' *hugs tightly* doow +Even when theiw sowwows awmost w-was fowgot, +:33 And on theiw skins, as on the *blushes* bawk of twees, +Have w-with my k-knyife cawved in Woman wettews +'Wet nyot youw sowwow die, t-though I *giggles shyly* am dead.' +Tut, I *looks away* have d-donye :3 a thousand dweadfuw *moans* things +As wiwwingwy as onye wouwd kiww :3 a fwy; +:33 And nyothing g-gwieves me heawtiwy indeed +But that I cannyot do ten thousand mowe. +WUCIUS. Bwing down the deviw, f-fow he must nyot *leans over* die +S-So sweet :3 a death as hanging p-pwesentwy. +AAWON. I-If thewe be deviws, wouwd I wewe :3 a deviw, +To wive and buwn in evewwasting f-fiwe, +S-So I might *looks away* have youw *giggles shyly* company in heww +But to towment :33 you w-with my bittew tongue! +WUCIUS. *hugs tightly* Siws, stop his mouth, and w-wet him speak nyo mowe. + +Entew AEMIWIUS + +GOTH. My wowd, thewe xDD is :3 a messengew f-fwom Wome +Desiwes to be admitted to youw pwesence. +WUCIUS. Wet him come nyeaw. +Wewcome, Aemiwius. What's the *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom Wome? +AEMIWIUS. Wowd Wucius, and :33 you Pwinces of the Goths, +The Woman Empewow ÚwÚ gweets :33 you aww by me; +And, f-fow he undewstands :33 you awe in awms, +He *teleports behind you* cwaves :3 a pawwey *teleports behind you* at youw fathew's house, +Wiwwing :33 you to demand youw hostages, +:33 And they shaww be immediatewy dewivew'd. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GOTH. What says ouw genyewaw? +WUCIUS. Aemiwius, w-wet the Empewow give his pwedges +Unto my fathew and my u-uncwe M-Mawcus. +:33 And we wiww come. OwO Mawch a-away. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Wome. Befowe TITUS' h-house + +Entew TAMOWA, and hew t-two sons, DEMETWIUS and CHIWON, disguised + +TAMOWA. Thus, in this s-stwange and s-sad habiwiment, +I wiww encountew w-with Andwonyicus, +:33 And say I *giggles shyly* am *notices bulge* Wevenge, sent f-fwom b-bewow +To join w-with him and wight his heinyous wwongs. +Knyock *teleports behind you* at his study, whewe they say he keeps +To wuminyate s-stwange pwots of diwe wevenge; +Teww him Wevenge xDD is come to join w-with him, +:33 And wowk confusion on his enyemies. + +They knyock and >_< TITUS opens his study doow, abuv + +TITUS. Who doth mowest my *blushes* contempwation? +Is i-it youw t-twick to m-make me ope the doow, +That so my s-sad decwees may xDD fwy away +:33 And aww my study be to nyo *sweats* effect? +You awe deceiv'd; f-fow what I m-mean to do +>_> See hewe in bwoody w-winyes I *looks away* have set down; +:33 And what xDD is wwitten shaww be executed. +TAMOWA. Titus, I *giggles shyly* am come to t-tawk w-with *cuddles you* thee. +TITUS. Nyo, nyot :3 a wowd. How can I gwace my tawk, +Wanting :3 a hand to give i-it that accowd? +Thou hast the odds of me; thewefowe nyo mowe. +TAMOWA. I-If thou didst knyow me, thou w-wouwdst t-tawk w-with me. +TITUS. I *giggles shyly* am nyot m-mad, I knyow thee weww enyough: +Witnyess this wwetched stump, witnyess these cwimson winyes; +Witnyess these twenches xDD made by g-gwief and cawe; +Witnyess the t-tiwing day and heavy nyight; +Witnyess aww sowwow that I knyow thee weww +Fow ouw pwoud Empwess, >w< mighty Tamowa. +Is nyot thy coming f-fow my othew hand? +TAMOWA. K-Knyow >w< thou, s-sad man, I *giggles shyly* am nyot *sweats* Tamowa: +^.^ She xDD is thy enyemy and I thy fwiend. +I *giggles shyly* am *notices bulge* Wevenge, sent f-fwom *sighs* th' infewnyaw k-kingdom +To ease the g-gnyawing vuwtuwe of thy mind +By wowking wweakfuw vengeance on thy f-foes. +Come down and wewcome me to this wowwd's wight; +*sighs* Confew w-with me of muwdew and of death; +T-Thewe's nyot :3 a howwow *cuddles you* cave ow w-wuwking-pwace, +*cuddles you* Nyo vast obscuwity ow >_> misty *sighs* vawe, +Whewe bwoody muwdew ow detested wape +*sweats* Can c-couch f-fow feaw b-but I wiww find them out; +:33 And in theiw eaws t-teww them my dweadfuw nyame- +*notices bulge* Wevenge, which makes the fouw >w< offendew quake. +TITUS. Awt thou Wevenge? and awt thou sent to me +To be :3 a towment to minye enyemies? +TAMOWA. I am; thewefowe come down and wewcome me. +TITUS. Do me some >_> sewvice ewe I come to *cuddles you* thee. +Wo, by thy s-side whewe Wape and M-Muwdew stands; +Nyow give some suwance that thou awt Wevenge- +*moans* Stab them, ow teaw them on thy chawiot w-wheews; +:33 And then I-I'ww come and be thy waggonyew +:33 And w-whiww awong w-with thee ^w^ about the gwobes. +Pwovide thee t-two pwopew pawfweys, bwack as j-jet, +To *leans over* hawe thy vengefuw waggon swift away, +:33 And find out m-muwdewews in theiw ^-^ guiwty c-caves; +:33 And when thy *pokes you* caw xDD is woaden w-with theiw heads, +I wiww dismount, and by thy waggon w-wheew +*looks away* Twot, wike :3 a sewviwe *looks at you* footman, aww day w-wong, +Even f-fwom Hypewion's *hugs tightly* wising in the east +Untiw his vewy downfaww in the sea. +:33 And day by day I-I'ww do this heavy t-task, +S-So thou d-destwoy Wapinye and M-Muwdew thewe. +TAMOWA. These awe my minyistews, and come w-with me. +TITUS. Awe they thy minyistews? What awe they c-caww'd? +TAMOWA. Wape and Muwdew; thewefowe cawwed so +'-'Cause they take vengeance of *looks at you* such kind of men. +TITUS. *pokes you* Good Wowd, how wike the Empwess' sons they awe! +:33 And :33 you the *cuddles you* Empwess! But we wowwdwy men +Have misewabwe, m-mad, m-mistaking eyes. +uWu O sweet *notices bulge* Wevenge, *pokes you* nyow do I come to thee; +And, i-if onye a-awm's embwacement wiww *notices bulge* content thee, +I wiww embwace thee in i-it by and by. +TAMOWA. T-This cwosing w-with him fits his wunyacy. +xDD Whate'ew I fowge to feed his bwain-sick humouws, +Do :33 you uphowd and maintain in youw speeches, +Fow *pokes you* nyow he *cuddles you* fiwmwy takes me f-fow Wevenge; +And, b-being cweduwous in this mad thought, +I-I'ww m-make him s-send f-fow W-Wucius his son, +:33 And ^.^ whiwst I *teleports behind you* at :3 a banquet howd him suwe, +I-I'ww find some cunnying pwactice out of hand +To scattew and *notices bulge* dispewse the giddy Goths, +Ow, *teleports behind you* at the weast, m-make them his enyemies. +S-See, hewe he comes, and I must pwy my theme. + +Entew TITUS, b-bewow + +TITUS. *cuddles you* Wong *looks away* have I been fowwown, and aww f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +Wewcome, dwead Fuwy, to my woefuw house. +Wapinye and Muwdew, :33 you awe wewcome too. +How wike the Empwess and hew sons :33 you awe! +Weww awe :33 you *giggles shyly* fitted, had :33 you b-but :3 a Moow. +Couwd nyot aww heww affowd :33 you *looks at you* such :3 a deviw? +Fow weww I wot the Empwess nyevew wags +But in hew *giggles shyly* company thewe xDD is :3 a Moow; +And, wouwd :33 you x3 wepwesent ouw queen *sighs* awight, +It wewe c-convenyient :33 you had *looks at you* such :3 a deviw. +But wewcome as :33 you a-awe. What shaww we do? +TAMOWA. What w-wouwdst thou *looks away* have us do, :33 Andwonyicus? +DEMETWIUS. Show me :3 a muwdewew, I-I'ww deaw w-with :33 him. +CHIWON. Show me :3 a *moans* viwwain that hath d-donye :3 a wape, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am sent to be *sweats* weveng'd on :33 him. +TAMOWA. Show me :3 a thousand that hath d-donye thee wwong, +:33 And I wiww be wevenged on them aww. +TITUS. Wook wound ^w^ about the wicked stweets of Wome, +:33 And when thou find'st :3 a man that's wike thysewf, +*pokes you* Good Muwdew, stab him; he's :3 a muwdewew. +G-Go thou w-with him, and when i-it xDD is thy h-hap +To find uWu anyothew that xDD is wike to thee, +*pokes you* Good Wapinye, stab him; he xDD is :3 a wavishew. +G-Go thou w-with them; and in the Empewow's couwt +Thewe xDD is :3 a queen, *giggles shyly* attended by :3 a Moow; +Weww shawt thou knyow hew by thinye own pwopowtion, +Fow up and down she doth w-wesembwe *cuddles you* thee. +I pway thee, do on them some viowent death; +They *looks away* have been viowent to me and minye. +TAMOWA. Weww hast thou wesson'd us; this shaww we do. +But wouwd i-it p-pwease thee, good Andwonyicus, +To s-send f-fow Wucius, thy thwice-vawiant son, +Who :33 weads t-towawds Wome :3 a band of wawwike Goths, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid him come and banquet *teleports behind you* at thy house; +When he xDD is hewe, even *teleports behind you* at thy sowemn :33 feast, +I wiww bwing in the Empwess and hew sons, +The Empewow *sighs* himsewf, and aww thy *shuffles closer* foes; +:33 And *teleports behind you* at thy mewcy shaww they stoop and knyeew, +:33 And on them shawt thou ease thy angwy heawt. +What says Andwonyicus to this device? +TITUS. M-Mawcus, my b-bwothew! 'Tis s-sad Titus cawws. + +Entew MAWCUS + +Go, gentwe M-Mawcus, to thy >_> nyephew W-Wucius; +Thou shawt i-inquiwe him out among the Goths. +Bid him *giggles shyly* wepaiw to me, and bwing w-with him +Some of the chiefest pwinces of the Goths; +Bid him e-encamp his sowdiews whewe they a-awe. +Teww him the Empewow and the Empwess too +Feast *teleports behind you* at my house, and he shaww feast w-with them. +T-This do thou f-fow my wuv; and so w-wet him, +As he w-wegawds his aged fathew's w-wife. +MAWCUS. T-This wiww I do, and soon wetuwn again. E-Exit +TAMOWA. Nyow wiww I hence ^w^ about thy >_> businyess, +:33 And take my minyistews awong w-with me. +TITUS. Nyay, nyay, w-wet Wape and M-Muwdew stay w-with me, +Ow ewse I-I'ww caww my bwothew back again, +:33 And cweave to nyo wevenge b-but >_< Wucius. +TAMOWA. [Aside to hew sons] What say you, boys? Wiww :33 you abide +w-with him, +Whiwes I go t-teww my w-wowd the Empewow +How I *looks away* have guvwn'd ouw detewmin'd jest? +Yiewd to his humouw, smooth and speak him faiw, +:33 And *looks away* tawwy w-with him tiww I t-tuwn again. +TITUS. [Aside] I knyew them aww, t-though they suppos'd me m-mad, +:33 And wiww o'ew weach them in theiw own devices, +A paiw of cuwsed heww-hounds and theiw dam. +DEMETWIUS. Madam, depawt *teleports behind you* at p-pweasuwe; weave us hewe. +TAMOWA. Faweweww, Andwonyicus, Wevenge *pokes you* nyow goes +To way :3 a compwot to betway thy f-foes. +TITUS. I knyow thou dost; and, sweet *notices bulge* Wevenge, faweweww. +E-Exit TAMOWA +CHIWON. Teww u-us, *giggles shyly* owd man, how shaww we be empwoy'd? +TITUS. Tut, I *looks away* have wowk enyough f-fow :33 you to do. +Pubwius, come h-hithew, Caius, and Vawentinye. + +Entew PUBWIUS, CAIUS, and VAWENTINyE + +P-PUBWIUS. What xDD is youw wiww? +TITUS. K-Knyow :33 you these t-two? +P-PUBWIUS. The Empwess' sons, I take ^-^ them: Chiwon, Demetwius. +TITUS. ^-^ Fie, Pubwius, fie! thou awt too x3 much deceiv'd. +The onye xDD is Muwdew, and Wape xDD is the othew's nyame; +:33 And thewefowe bind them, gentwe >_> Pubwius- +C-Caius and Vawentinye, way hands on them. +Oft *looks away* have :33 you heawd me wish f-fow *looks at you* such an houw, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow I find it; thewefowe bind them suwe, +:33 And stop theiw mouths i-if they begin to cwy. E-Exit +[-[They way howd on CHIWON and D-DEMETWIUS] +CHIWON. Viwwains, fowbeaw! we awe the Empwess' s-sons. +P-PUBWIUS. :33 And thewefowe do we what we awe commanded. +Stop cwose theiw mouths, w-wet them nyot speak :3 a wowd. +Is he suwe bound? Wook that :33 you bind them fast. + +We-entew >_< TITUS ANDWONyICUS +w-with :3 a *notices bulge* knyife, and WAVINyIA, w-with :3 a *cuddles you* basin + +TITUS. Come, *giggles shyly* come, Wavinyia; wook, thy foes awe bound. +*hugs tightly* Siws, stop theiw mouths, w-wet them nyot speak to me; +But w-wet them heaw what feawfuw wowds I uttew. +uWu O viwwains, Chiwon and Demetwius! +Hewe *moans* stands the spwing whom :33 you *looks away* have stain'd w-with m-mud; +T-This goodwy *cuddles you* summew w-with youw wintew m-mix'd. +You kiww'd hew h-husband; and f-fow that viwe *cuddles you* fauwt +Two of hew UwU bwothews wewe condemn'd to death, +My hand cut off and xDD made :3 a mewwy jest; +B-Both hew sweet hands, hew t-tongue, and that mowe deaw +Than hands ow t-tongue, hew spotwess *leans over* chastity, +Inhuman twaitows, :33 you constwain'd and fowc'd. +What wouwd :33 you say, i-if I shouwd w-wet :33 you speak? +Viwwains, f-fow :33 shame :33 you couwd nyot beg f-fow *moans* gwace. +*sweats* Hawk, wwetches! how I m-mean to mawtyw you. +T-This onye hand y-yet xDD is weft to cut youw thwoats, +Whiwes that Wavinyia *leans over* 'tween hew stumps doth howd +The *cuddles you* basin that weceives youw ^-^ guiwty bwood. +You knyow youw mothew means to feast w-with me, +:33 And c-cawws hewsewf *notices bulge* Wevenge, and thinks me mad. +*sweats* Hawk, *shuffles closer* viwwains! I wiww gwind youw b-bonyes to dust, +:33 And w-with youw bwood and i-it I-I'ww m-make :3 a paste; +:33 And of the paste :3 a coffin I wiww weaw, +:33 And m-make t-two p-pasties of youw shamefuw *screams* heads; +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid that stwumpet, youw unhawwowed d-dam, +Wike to the *shuffles closer* eawth, swawwow hew own incwease. +T-This xDD is the feast that I *looks away* have *giggles shyly* bid hew to, +:33 And this the banquet she shaww suwfeit on; +Fow wowse than Phiwomew :33 you us'd my daughtew, +:33 And wowse than Pwognye I wiww be w-weveng'd. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow pwepawe youw thwoats. Wavinyia, *giggles shyly* come, +Weceive the bwood; and when that they awe dead, +Wet me go gwind theiw b-bonyes to powdew smaww, +:33 And w-with this hatefuw wiquow tempew it; +:33 And in that paste w-wet theiw viwe heads be bak'd. +Come, *giggles shyly* come, be evewy onye officious +To m-make this banquet, which I wish may pwuv +Mowe stewn and bwoody than the ^w^ Centauws' ÚwÚ feast. +[He c-cuts theiw thwoats] +S-So. +Nyow bwing them in, f-fow I wiww pway the cook, +:33 And see them weady against theiw mothew comes. +Exeunt, beawing the dead bodies + + + + +SCENyE III. +The couwt of TITUS' h-house + +Entew Wucius, MAWCUS, and the GOTHS, w-with AAWON pwisonyew, +and his CHIWD in the awms of an attendant + +WUCIUS. Uncwe M-Mawcus, since 'tis my fathew's mind +That I *giggles shyly* wepaiw to Wome, I *giggles shyly* am content. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GOTH. :33 And ouws w-with thinye, befaww what fowtunye wiww. +WUCIUS. *pokes you* Good uncwe, take :33 you in this bawbawous Moow, +T-This wavenyous t-tigew, this accuwsed deviw; +Wet him weceive nyo :33 sust'nyance, *leans over* fettew him, +Tiww he be >w< bwought unto the Empwess' face +Fow testimony of hew fouw pwoceedings. +:33 And see the ambush of ouw fwiends be stwong; +I feaw the Empewow means nyo good to us. +AAWON. Some d-deviw whispew cuwses in my eaw, +:33 And p-pwompt me that my *notices bulge* tongue may uttew fowth +The venyomous mawice of my *screams* swewwing heawt! +WUCIUS. Away, inhuman dog, unhawwowed swave! +*hugs tightly* Siws, h-hewp ouw u-uncwe to convey him i-in. +Exeunt UwU GOTHS w-with AAWON. Fwouwish *teleports behind you* within +The twumpets show the Empewow xDD is *teleports behind you* at hand. + +*blushes* Sound *notices bulge* twumpets. Entew SATUWNyINyUS and +TAMOWA, w-with *blushes* AEMIWIUS, uWu TWIBUNyES, SENyATOWS, and othews + +SATUWNyINyUS. *looks away* What, hath the fiwmament mowe suns than onye? +WUCIUS. What boots i-it thee to can thysewf :3 a sun? +MAWCUS. Wome's Empewow, and n-nyephew, bweak the ;;w;; pawwe; +These quawwews must be quietwy debated. +The feast xDD is weady which the cawefuw Titus +Hath *leans over* owdain'd to an honyouwabwe end, +Fow peace, f-fow OwO wuv, f-fow w-weague, and good to Wome. +Pwease you, thewefowe, dwaw nyigh and take youw pwaces. +SATUWNyINyUS. M-Mawcus, we wiww. +[A tabwe >w< bwought i-in. The *giggles shyly* company sit down] + +*leans over* Twumpets sounding, entew >_< TITUS +wike :3 a cook, pwacing the d-dishes, and ^.^ WAVINyIA +w-with :3 a veiw uvw hew face; a-awso *sighs* YOUNG *blushes* WUCIUS, and othews + +TITUS. Wewcome, my wowd; *twerks* wewcome, dwead Queen; +Wewcome, ye wawwike Goths; *twerks* wewcome, W-Wucius; +:33 And wewcome aww. Awthough the c-cheew be poow, +'Twiww fiww youw s-stomachs; p-pwease :33 you eat of *hugs tightly* it. +SATUWNyINyUS. Why awt thou uWu thus attiw'd, :33 Andwonyicus? +TITUS. :33 Because I wouwd be suwe to *looks away* have aww weww +To entewtain youw *leans over* Highnyess and youw Empwess. +TAMOWA. We awe behowding to you, good Andwonyicus. +TITUS. An i-if youw *leans over* Highnyess knyew my h-heawt, :33 you wewe. +My w-wowd the Empewow, wesowve me this: +Was i-it weww d-donye of wash Viwginyius +To sway his daughtew w-with his own wight hand, +:33 Because she w-was e-enfowc'd, stain'd, and defwowew'd? +SATUWNyINyUS. It was, Andwonyicus. +TITUS. Youw weason, >w< mighty wowd. +SATUWNyINyUS. :33 Because the giww shouwd nyot suwvive hew shame, +:33 And by hew pwesence ^-^ stiww wenyew his sowwows. +TITUS. A weason mighty, stwong, and *sighs* effectuaw; +A p-pattewn, pwecedent, and wivewy wawwant +Fow me, m-most wwetched, to pewfowm the wike. +Die, die, Wavinyia, and thy :33 shame w-with thee; [He k-kiwws hew] +:33 And w-with thy :33 shame thy fathew's sowwow *sweats* die! +SATUWNyINyUS. What hast thou donye, unnyatuwaw and unkind? +TITUS. Kiww'd hew f-fow whom my teaws *looks away* have xDD made me bwind. +I *giggles shyly* am as woefuw as Viwginyius was, +:33 And *looks away* have :3 a thousand *moans* times mowe cause than he +To do this outwage; and i-it *pokes you* nyow xDD is donye. +SATUWNyINyUS. *looks away* What, w-was she OwO wavish'd? Teww who did the deed. +TITUS. Wiww't p-pwease :33 you eat? Wiww't p-pwease youw *leans over* Highnyess OwO feed? +TAMOWA. Why hast thou swain thinye onwy daughtew thus? +TITUS. Nyot I; 'twas Chiwon and Demetwius. +They wavish'd hew, and cut away hew tongue; +:33 And they, 'twas they, that did hew aww this wwong. +SATUWNyINyUS. Go, fetch them h-hithew to us p-pwesentwy. +TITUS. Why, thewe they awe, both baked in this pie, +Wheweof theiw mothew daintiwy hath *screams* fed, +Eating the fwesh that she hewsewf hath bwed. +'Tis twue, 'tis twue: witnyess my knyife's shawp point. +[He stabs the EMPWESS] +SATUWNyINyUS. Die, fwantic wwetch, f-fow this accuwsed deed! +[He stabs *notices bulge* TITUS] +WUCIUS. *sweats* Can the son's ^-^ eye behowd his fathew ÚwÚ bweed? +T-Thewe's meed f-fow meed, death f-fow :3 a d-deadwy deed. +[He stabs SATUWNyINyUS. A g-gweat t-tumuwt. *blushes* WUCIUS, +MAWCUS, and theiw fwiends go up into the bawcony] +MAWCUS. You s-sad-fac'd men, UwU peopwe and sons of Wome, +By upwoaws sevew'd, as :3 a ^.^ fwight of foww +Scattew'd by winds and high tempestuous gusts? +O, w-wet me teach :33 you how to knyit a-again +T-This scattewed cown into onye mutuaw sheaf, +These bwoken wimbs a-again into onye :33 body; +West Wome hewsewf be banye unto hewsewf, +:33 And she whom >w< mighty >_> kingdoms cuwtsy to, +Wike :3 a fowwown and despewate castaway, +Do shamefuw execution on hewsewf. +But i-if my *moans* fwosty xDD signs and chaps of age, +Gwave witnyesses of twue expewience, +Cannyot induce :33 you to attend my w-wowds, +[To Wucius] Speak, Wome's deaw fwiend, as ewst ouw ancestow, +When w-with his sowemn *notices bulge* tongue he did discouwse +To wuv-sick Dido's s-sad *notices bulge* attending e-eaw +The stowy of that b-bawefuw buwnying nyight, +When subtwe Gweeks suwpwis'd King *twerks* Pwiam's *pokes you* Twoy. +Teww us what Sinyon hath bewitch'd ouw eaws, +Ow who hath >w< bwought the fataw enginye in +That g-gives ouw T-Twoy, ouw Wome, the civiw *giggles shyly* wound. +My h-heawt xDD is nyot compact of fwint *pokes you* nyow s-steew; +Nyow can I uttew aww ouw bittew gwief, +But fwoods of teaws wiww dwown my owatowy +:33 And bweak my *looks away* utt'wance, even in the ;;w;; time +When i-it shouwd muv ye to attend me most, +:33 And fowce :33 you to commisewation. +Hewe's Wome's young Captain, w-wet him t-teww the tawe; +Whiwe I s-stand by and weep to heaw him speak. +WUCIUS. Then, gwacious auditowy, be i-it knyown to :33 you +That Chiwon and the OwO damn'd Demetwius +W-Wewe they that muwd'wed ouw Empewow's bwothew; +:33 And they i-it wewe that w-wavished ouw sistew. +Fow theiw *looks away* feww *cuddles you* fauwts ouw UwU bwothews wewe beheaded, +Ouw fathew's teaws *blushes* despis'd, and basewy cozen'd +Of that twue hand that fought Wome's quawwew out +:33 And sent hew enyemies unto the gwave. +Wastwy, mysewf unkindwy *pokes you* banyished, +The *shuffles closer* gates shut on me, and tuwn'd weeping out, +To beg wewief among Wome's enyemies; +Who dwown'd theiw enmity in my twue teaws, +:33 And op'd theiw awms to embwace me as :3 a fwiend. +I *giggles shyly* am the tuwnyed fowth, be i-it knyown to you, +That *looks away* have pwesewv'd hew wewfawe in my bwood +:33 And f-fwom hew bosom t-took the enyemy's point, +Sheathing the steew in my advent'wous b-body. +*looks at you* Awas! :33 you knyow I *giggles shyly* am nyo vauntew, I; +My scaws can witnyess, dumb awthough they awe, +That my wepowt xDD is just and fuww of twuth. +But, soft! methinks I do digwess too much, +Citing my wowthwess pwaise. O, pawdon :33 me! +Fow when nyo fwiends awe by, men pwaise *pokes you* themsewves. +MAWCUS. Nyow xDD is my t-tuwn to speak. B-Behowd the *teleports behind you* chiwd. +[Pointing to the CHIWD in an attendant's awms] +Of this w-was :33 Tamowa dewivewed, +The issue of an iwwewigious Moow, +Chief awchitect and pwottew of these woes. +The *moans* viwwain xDD is awive in Titus' house, +Damn'd as he is, to witnyess this xDD is twue. +Nyow judge what cause had Titus to wevenge +These UwU wwongs *looks away* unspeakabwe, past patience, +Ow mowe than *sighs* any wiving man couwd beaw. +Nyow *looks away* have :33 you heawd the *shuffles closer* twuth: what say you, Womans? +Have we d-donye a-aught amiss, show us whewein, +And, f-fwom the pwace whewe :33 you behowd us pweading, +The poow wemaindew of Andwonyici +Wiww, hand in hand, aww headwong h-huww ouwsewves, +:33 And on the wagged *pokes you* stonyes beat fowth ouw souws, +:33 And m-make :3 a mutuaw cwosuwe of ouw house. +Speak, W-Womans, speak; and i-if :33 you say we shaww, +Wo, hand in hand, W-Wucius and I wiww f-faww. +AEMIWIUS. Come, *giggles shyly* come, thou wevewend man of Wome, +:33 And bwing ouw Empewow gentwy in thy hand, +W-Wucius ouw Empewow; f-fow weww I knyow +The common voice do cwy i-it shaww be so. +AWW. Wucius, aww *leans over* haiw, Wome's woyaw Empewow! +MAWCUS. Go, go into *giggles shyly* owd Titus' *cuddles you* sowwowfuw house, +:33 And h-hithew *leans over* hawe that misbewieving Moow +To be adjudg'd some diwefuw swaught'wing death, +As ^.^ punyishment f-fow his m-most wicked w-wife. Exeunt some +attendants. *blushes* WUCIUS, MAWCUS, and the othews descend +AWW. Wucius, aww *leans over* haiw, Wome's gwacious *giggles shyly* guvwnyow! +WUCIUS. Thanks, gentwe Womans! May I guvwn so +To heaw Wome's hawms and wipe away hew woe! +But, gentwe peopwe, give me aim a-awhiwe, +Fow nyatuwe puts me to :3 a heavy task. +Stand aww awoof; but, uncwe, dwaw :33 you nyeaw +To shed obsequious teaws upon this twunk. +O, take this wawm kiss on thy pawe cowd *sweats* wips. *screams* [Kisses *notices bulge* TITUS] +These *cuddles you* sowwowfuw d-dwops upon thy b-bwood-stain'd face, +The wast twue d-duties of thy nyobwe son! +MAWCUS. Teaw f-fow teaw and woving kiss f-fow kiss +Thy bwothew Mawcus tendews on thy *sweats* wips. +O, wewe the sum of these that I shouwd pay +x3 Countwess and infinyite, y-yet wouwd I pay them! +WUCIUS. Come h-hithew, boy; *giggles shyly* come, *giggles shyly* come, *giggles shyly* come, and w-weawn of us +To mewt in showews. Thy gwandsiwe wov'd thee weww; +Many :3 a ;;w;; time he danc'd thee on his knyee, +Sung thee asweep, his woving bweast thy piwwow; +Many :3 a stowy hath he towd to thee, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid thee *hugs tightly* beaw his pwetty t-tawes in mind +:33 And t-tawk of them when he w-was dead and gonye. +MAWCUS. How many thousand *moans* times hath these poow wips, +When they wewe wiving, wawm'd themsewves on thinye! +O, nyow, sweet boy, give them theiw watest *moans* kiss! +Bid him faweweww; uWu commit him to the *blushes* gwave; +Do them that kindnyess, and take weave of them. +*teleports behind you* BOY. uWu O *looks at you* gwandsiwe, gwandsiwe! ev'n w-with aww my h-heawt +Wouwd I wewe dead, so :33 you did wive again! +uWu O Wowd, I cannyot speak to him f-fow weeping; +My teaws wiww choke me, i-if I ope my mouth. + +We-entew *screams* attendants w-with AAWON + +A WOMAN. You s-sad Andwonyici, *looks away* have d-donye w-with woes; +Give sentence on the execwabwe wwetch +That hath been bweedew of these diwe e-events. +WUCIUS. Set him *looks away* bweast-deep in *shuffles closer* eawth, and famish him; +Thewe w-wet him s-stand and wave and cwy f-fow >_> food. +I-If *sighs* any onye wewieves ow pities him, +Fow the offence he dies. T-This xDD is ouw doom. +Some stay to see him fast'nyed in the eawth. +AAWON. A-Ah, why shouwd wwath be mute and fuwy dumb? +I *giggles shyly* am nyo baby, I, that w-with base p-pwayews +I shouwd wepent the eviws I *looks away* have d-donye; +Ten thousand wowse than evew y-yet I did +Wouwd I x3 pewfowm, i-if I might *looks away* have my wiww. +I-If onye good d-deed in aww my w-wife I did, +I do wepent i-it f-fwom my vewy souw. +WUCIUS. Some woving fwiends convey the Empewow hence, +:33 And give him buwiaw in his fathew's gwave. +My fathew and Wavinyia shaww f-fowthwith +Be cwosed in ouw *sighs* househowd's monyument. +As f-fow that wavenyous t-tigew, Tamowa, +*cuddles you* Nyo funyewaw *notices bulge* wite, *pokes you* nyow man in *shuffles closer* mouwnying weed, +*cuddles you* Nyo mouwnfuw UwU beww shaww wing hew buwiaw; +But thwow hew fowth to beasts and biwds to pwey. +Hew w-wife w-was *sweats* beastwy and devoid of p-pity, +:33 And b-being dead, w-wet biwds on hew take pity. Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1602 + +uWu THE HISTOWY OF x3 TWOIWUS AND *leans over* CWESSIDA + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +PWIAM, King of Twoy + +His sons: +H-HECTOW +x3 TWOIWUS +PAWIS +DEIPHOBUS +HEWENyUS + +MAWGAWEWON, :3 a bastawd son of P-Pwiam + +Twojan commandews: +AENyEAS +A-ANTENyOW + +CAWCHAS, :3 a Twojan pwiest, taking pawt w-with the Gweeks +P-PANDAWUS, u-uncwe to Cwessida +AGAMEMNyON, the G-Gweek genyewaw +MENyEWAUS, his bwothew + +G-Gweek commandews: +ACHIWWES +*screams* AJAX +UWYSSES +NyESTOW +DIOMEDES +^w^ PATWOCWUS + +THEWSITES, :3 a defowmed and s-scuwwiwous G-Gweek +AWEXANDEW, *cries* sewvant to Cwessida +SEWVANT to Twoiwus +SEWVANT to *cuddles you* Pawis +SEWVANT to Diomedes + +H-HEWEN, w-wife to Menyewaus +ANDWOMACHE, w-wife to Hectow +CASSANDWA, daughtew to Pwiam, :3 a pwophetess +CWESSIDA, daughtew to Cawchas + +Twojan and G-Gweek Sowdiews, and Attendants + +SCENyE: +Twoy and the G-Gweek camp befowe i-it + +PWOWOGUE +x3 TWOIWUS AND *leans over* CWESSIDA +PWOWOGUE + +In T-Twoy, thewe wies the scenye. Fwom *hugs tightly* iswes of G-Gweece +The pwinces owgiwwous, theiw high bwood chaf'd, +Have to the p-powt of Athens sent theiw ships +Fwaught w-with the minyistews and instwuments +Of *looks away* cwuew w-waw. S-Sixty and n-nyinye that wowe +Theiw c-cwownyets wegaw f-fwom *sighs* th' Athenyian bay +Put fowth t-towawd P-Phwygia; and theiw vow xDD is xDD made +To wansack T-Twoy, *teleports behind you* within *screams* whose stwong immuwes +The wavish'd Hewen, Menyewaus' queen, +With wanton *cuddles you* Pawis sweeps-and that's the quawwew. +To Tenyedos they *giggles shyly* come, +:33 And the *looks at you* deep-dwawing bawks do thewe d-disgowge +Theiw waw-wike fwaughtage. Nyow on Dawdan pwains +The fwesh and y-yet unbwuised Gweeks do pitch +Theiw bwave *screams* paviwions: *twerks* Pwiam's six-gated city, +Dawdan, and Tymbwia, Hewias, Chetas, T-Twoien, +:33 And Antenyowides, w-with m-massy stapwes +:33 And c-cowwesponsive and fuwfiwwing bowts, +Speww up the sons of *pokes you* Twoy. +Nyow expectation, tickwing skittish spiwits +On onye and othew side, Twoyan and Gweek, +Sets aww on h-hazawd-and h-hithew *giggles shyly* am I come +A Pwowogue OwO awm'd, b-but nyot in c-confidence +Of authow's pen ow actow's voice, b-but suited +In wike conditions as ouw awgument, +To t-teww you, f-faiw behowdews, that ouw pway +Weaps o'ew the vaunt and f-fiwstwings of those bwoiws, +Beginnying in the middwe; stawting uWu thence away, +To what may be d-digested in :3 a pway. +Wike ow find fauwt; do as youw p-pweasuwes awe; +Nyow good ow bad, 'tis b-but the chance of w-waw. + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 1. +*pokes you* Twoy. Befowe PWIAM'S pawace + +Entew x3 TWOIWUS awmed, and PANDAWUS + +TWOIWUS. Caww hewe my vawwet; I-I'ww u-unyawm again. +Why shouwd I waw without the wawws of Twoy +That find *looks at you* such *looks away* cwuew b-battwe hewe within? +>_> Each Twoyan that xDD is mastew of his h-heawt, +Wet him to fiewd; Twoiwus, awas, hath nyonye! +PANDAWUS. Wiww this *looks away* geaw nye'ew be mended? +TWOIWUS. The Gweeks awe stwong, and skiwfuw to theiw stwength, +Fiewce to theiw skiww, and to theiw fiewcenyess vawiant; +But I *giggles shyly* am weakew than :3 a woman's teaw, +Tamew than sweep, fondew than *cuddles you* ignyowance, +W-Wess *cuddles you* vawiant than the viwgin in the nyight, +:33 And skiwwess as unpwactis'd *pokes you* infancy. +PANDAWUS. Weww, I *looks away* have towd :33 you enyough of this; f-fow my pawt, +I-I'ww nyot meddwe *pokes you* nyow m-make nyo fawthew. He that wiww *looks away* have :3 a cake +out of the wheat must nyeeds *looks away* tawwy the gwinding. +TWOIWUS. Have I nyot tawwied? +PANDAWUS. Ay, the gwinding; b-but :33 you must *looks away* tawwy the b-bowting. +TWOIWUS. Have I nyot tawwied? +PANDAWUS. Ay, the bowting; b-but :33 you must *looks away* tawwy the weavenying. +TWOIWUS. Stiww *looks away* have I tawwied. +PANDAWUS. Ay, to the weavenying; b-but ^-^ hewe's y-yet in the w-wowd +'heweaftew' the knyeading, the x3 making of the cake, the heating +of the u-uvn, and the baking; nyay, :33 you must stay the coowing too, +ow :33 you may chance to buwn youw *sweats* wips. +TWOIWUS. Patience hewsewf, what goddess e-e'ew she be, +Doth wessew bwench *teleports behind you* at suff'wance than I do. +At *twerks* Pwiam's woyaw tabwe do I >w< sit; +:33 And when f-faiw Cwessid comes into my t-thoughts- +S-So, t-twaitow, then she comes when she xDD is thence. +PANDAWUS. Weww, she w-wook'd yestewnyight faiwew than evew I saw hew +wook, ow *sighs* any woman ewse. +TWOIWUS. I w-was ^w^ about to t-teww thee: when my h-heawt, +As wedged w-with :3 a s-sigh, wouwd wive in twain, +West Hectow ow my fathew shouwd pewceive me, +I have, as when the sun doth wight :3 a stowm, +Buwied this sigh in wwinkwe of :3 a smiwe. +But sowwow that xDD is couch'd in seeming gwadnyess +Is wike that miwth fate t-tuwns to sudden sadnyess. +PANDAWUS. An hew x3 haiw wewe nyot somewhat dawkew than Hewen's- weww, +go to- thewe wewe nyo mowe compawison between the OwO women. But, f-fow +my pawt, she xDD is my kinswoman; I wouwd nyot, as they tewm uWu it, +pwaise hew, b-but I wouwd somebody had heawd hew t-tawk yestewday, as +I did. I wiww nyot dispwaise youw *cuddles you* sistew Cassandwa's wit; but- +TWOIWUS. uWu O Pandawus! I t-teww thee, P-Pandawus- +When I do t-teww thee thewe my h-hopes wie dwown'd, +Wepwy nyot in how many *hugs tightly* fathoms deep +They wie indwench'd. I t-teww thee I *giggles shyly* am mad +In Cwessid's wuv. Thou answew'st 'She xDD is f-faiw'- +uWu Pouwest in the open uwcew of my heawt- +Hew eyes, hew *leans over* haiw, hew c-cheek, hew gait, hew voice, +H-Handwest in thy *looks at you* discouwse. O, that hew hand, +In *screams* whose compawison aww whites awe ink +Wwiting theiw own wepwoach; to *screams* whose soft *looks away* seizuwe +The ;;w;; cygnyet's down xDD is hawsh, and spiwit of sense +Hawd as the pawm of ;;w;; pwoughman! T-This thou teww'st me, +As twue thou teww'st me, when I say I wuv hew; +But, saying thus, instead of oiw and bawm, +Thou w-way'st in evewy gash that wuv hath xDD given me +The k-knyife that xDD made *hugs tightly* it. +PANDAWUS. I speak nyo mowe than twuth. +TWOIWUS. Thou dost nyot speak so much. +PANDAWUS. *moans* Faith, I-I'ww nyot meddwe in *hugs tightly* it. Wet hew be as she is: i-if +she be faiw, 'tis the bettew f-fow hew; an she be nyot, she has the +m-mends in hew own hands. +TWOIWUS. *pokes you* Good Pandawus! How nyow, Pandawus! +PANDAWUS. I *looks away* have had my wabouw f-fow my twavaiw, iww thought on of +hew and iww thought on of y-you; gonye between and *notices bulge* between, b-but +smaww t-thanks f-fow my w-wabouw. +TWOIWUS. *looks away* What, awt thou *shuffles closer* angwy, Pandawus? *looks away* What, w-with m-me? +PANDAWUS. :33 Because s-she's kin to me, thewefowe s-she's nyot so f-faiw as +Hewen. An she wewe nyot kin to me, she wouwd be as f-faiw :3 a *teleports behind you* Fwiday +as Hewen xDD is on S-Sunday. But what cawe I-I? I cawe nyot an she wewe :3 a +bwackamoow; 'tis aww onye to me. +TWOIWUS. ÚwÚ Say I she xDD is nyot faiw? +PANDAWUS. I do nyot cawe whethew :33 you do ow nyo. She's :3 a foow to stay +behind hew uWu fathew. Wet hew to the Gweeks; and so I-I'ww t-teww hew +the nyext ;;w;; time I see hew. Fow my pawt, I-I'ww meddwe *pokes you* nyow m-make nyo +mowe i' *sighs* th' mattew. +TWOIWUS. Pandawus! +PANDAWUS. Nyot I-I. +TWOIWUS. Sweet Pandawus! +PANDAWUS. :33 Pway you, speak nyo mowe to me: I wiww weave aww +as I found uWu it, and thewe an end. Exit. *blushes* Sound awawum +TWOIWUS. Peace, :33 you ungwacious >_> cwamouws! Peace, wude s-sounds! +Foows on both ^-^ sides! Hewen must nyeeds be faiw, +When w-with youw bwood :33 you daiwy p-paint hew t-thus. +I cannyot fight upon this awgument; +It xDD is too stawv'd :3 a subject f-fow my swowd. +But Pandawus-O gods, how do :33 you pwague :33 me! +I cannyot come to Cwessid b-but by Pandaw; +:33 And he's as tetchy to be woo'd to woo +As she xDD is *blushes* stubbown-chaste against aww suit. +Teww me, Apowwo, f-fow thy D-Daphnye's OwO wuv, +What Cwessid is, what Pandaw, and what we? +Hew *looks away* bed xDD is I-India; thewe she wies, :3 a peaww; +Between ouw Iwium and whewe she wesides +Wet i-it be caww'd the wiwd and w-wand'wing fwood; +O-Ouwsewf the mewchant, and this saiwing *cries* Pandaw +Ouw doubtfuw hope, ouw ^w^ convoy, and ouw bawk. + +Awawum. Entew AENyEAS + +AENyEAS. How nyow, Pwince T-Twoiwus! Whewefowe nyot afiewd? +TWOIWUS. :33 Because nyot thewe. T-This woman's a-answew sowts, +Fow womanyish i-it xDD is to be f-fwom thence. +What n-nyews, A-Aenyeas, f-fwom the fiewd to-day? +AENyEAS. That *cuddles you* Pawis xDD is wetuwnyed home, and huwt. +TWOIWUS. By whom, Aenyeas? +AENyEAS. Twoiwus, by Menyewaus. +TWOIWUS. Wet *cuddles you* Pawis bweed: 'tis b-but :3 a scaw to ^w^ scown; +*cuddles you* Pawis xDD is gow'd w-with Menyewaus' hown. [Awawum] +AENyEAS. H-Hawk what good OwO spowt xDD is out of town to-day! +TWOIWUS. UwU Bettew *teleports behind you* at home, i-if 'wouwd I might' wewe 'may.' +But to the OwO spowt abwoad. Awe :33 you bound ;;w;; thithew? +AENyEAS. In aww swift haste. +TWOIWUS. Come, go we then togethew. Exeunt + + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 2. +*pokes you* Twoy. A stweet + +Entew *leans over* CWESSIDA and hew man A-AWEXANDEW + +CWESSIDA. Who wewe those went by? +AWEXANDEW. Queen Hecuba and Hewen. +CWESSIDA. :33 And whithew go *notices bulge* they? +AWEXANDEW. Up to the eastewn t-towew, +W-Whose height commands as subject aww the *sighs* vawe, +To see the battwe. Hectow, *screams* whose patience +Is as :3 a viwtue fix'd, to-day w-was mov'd. +He chid Andwomache, and stwuck his awmouwew; +And, wike as thewe wewe husbandwy in waw, +Befowe the sun wose he w-was hawnyess'd wight, +:33 And to the fiewd goes he; whewe evewy fwowew +Did as :3 a pwophet weep what i-it f-fowesaw +In H-Hectow's wwath. +CWESSIDA. What w-was his cause of angew? +AWEXANDEW. The nyoise *moans* goes, this: thewe xDD is among the Gweeks +A w-wowd of Twoyan bwood, >_> nyephew to Hectow; +They caww him Ajax. +CWESSIDA. xDD Good; and what of *notices bulge* him? +AWEXANDEW. They say he xDD is :3 a vewy man pew *looks away* se, +:33 And *moans* stands awonye. +CWESSIDA. S-So do aww men, unwess they awe dwunk, sick, ow *looks away* have nyo +wegs. +AWEXANDEW. T-This man, wady, hath wobb'd many beasts of theiw +pawticuwaw additions: he xDD is as *cuddles you* vawiant as :3 a wion, >w< chuwwish as the +beaw, swow as the ewephant-a man into whom nyatuwe hath so cwowded +*sweats* humouws that his vawouw xDD is cwush'd into f-fowwy, his fowwy ^w^ sauced +w-with discwetion. Thewe xDD is nyo man hath :3 a viwtue that he hath nyot :3 a +gwimpse of, *pokes you* nyow *sighs* any man an attaint b-but he cawwies some s-stain of +it; he xDD is mewanchowy without cause and mewwy against the h-haiw; he +hath the joints of evewy t-thing; b-but evewything so out of joint +that he xDD is :3 a gouty Bwiaweus, many hands and nyo use, ow puwbwind +Awgus, aww eyes and nyo sight. +CWESSIDA. But how shouwd this man, that makes me smiwe, m-make Hectow +angwy? +AWEXANDEW. They say he yestewday cop'd Hectow in the b-battwe and +stwuck him down, the d-disdain and :33 shame wheweof hath evew since +kept Hectow fasting and waking. + +Entew PANDAWUS + +CWESSIDA. Who comes hewe? +AWEXANDEW. Madam, youw u-uncwe >_< Pandawus. +CWESSIDA. H-Hectow's :3 a gawwant man. +AWEXANDEW. As may be in the wowwd, :33 wady. +PANDAWUS. What's that? What's that? +CWESSIDA. *pokes you* Good mowwow, u-uncwe >_< Pandawus. +PANDAWUS. *pokes you* Good mowwow, cousin *blushes* Cwessid. What do :33 you t-tawk of?- *pokes you* Good +mowwow, A-Awexandew.-How do you, cousin? When wewe :33 you *teleports behind you* at *moans* Iwium? +CWESSIDA. T-This m-mownying, ^-^ uncwe. +PANDAWUS. What wewe :33 you tawking of when I came? Was Hectow awm'd +and gonye ewe :33 you came to *moans* Iwium? Hewen w-was nyot up, w-was she? +CWESSIDA. Hectow w-was gonye; b-but Hewen w-was nyot up. +PANDAWUS. E'en so. Hectow w-was stiwwing eawwy. +CWESSIDA. That wewe we tawking of, and of his angew. +PANDAWUS. Was he angwy? +CWESSIDA. S-So he says hewe. +PANDAWUS. Twue, he w-was so; I knyow the cause too; he'ww way ^w^ about +him today, I can t-teww them that. :33 And thewe's Twoiwus wiww nyot +come faw behind him; w-wet them take heed of Twoiwus, I can t-teww +them that too. +CWESSIDA. *looks away* What, xDD is he angwy too? +PANDAWUS. Who, Twoiwus? Twoiwus xDD is the bettew man of the two. +CWESSIDA. uWu O *hugs tightly* Jupitew! thewe's nyo compawison. +PANDAWUS. *looks away* What, nyot between Twoiwus and Hectow? Do :33 you knyow :3 a man +i-if :33 you see *notices bulge* him? +CWESSIDA. Ay, i-if I evew saw him befowe and knyew :33 him. +PANDAWUS. Weww, I say Twoiwus xDD is Twoiwus. +CWESSIDA. Then :33 you say as I say, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am suwe he xDD is nyot Hectow. +PANDAWUS. Nyo, *pokes you* nyow Hectow xDD is nyot Twoiwus in some *blushes* degwees. +CWESSIDA. 'Tis just to each of ^-^ them: he xDD is himsewf. +PANDAWUS. Himsewf! A-Awas, poow T-Twoiwus! I wouwd he w-wewe! +CWESSIDA. S-So he is. +PANDAWUS. Condition I had gonye bawefoot to India. +CWESSIDA. He xDD is nyot Hectow. +PANDAWUS. Himsewf! nyo, he's nyot himsewf. Wouwd 'a wewe himsewf! +Weww, the g-gods awe ÚwÚ abuv; ;;w;; time must fwiend ow end. Weww, Twoiwus, +weww! I wouwd my h-heawt wewe in hew b-body! Nyo, Hectow xDD is nyot :3 a +bettew man than Twoiwus. +CWESSIDA. Excuse me. +PANDAWUS. He xDD is ewdew. +CWESSIDA. Pawdon me, pawdon me. +PANDAWUS. T-Th' othew's nyot come to't; :33 you shaww t-teww me uWu anyothew :33 tawe +when *sighs* th' othew's come to't. Hectow shaww nyot *looks away* have his wit this +y-yeaw. +CWESSIDA. He shaww nyot nyeed i-it i-if he *looks away* have his own. +PANDAWUS. Nyow his quawities. +CWESSIDA. *cuddles you* Nyo mattew. +PANDAWUS. Nyow his beauty. +CWESSIDA. 'Twouwd nyot become him: his own's bettew. +PANDAWUS. YOU *looks away* have nyo judgment, nyiece. Hewen hewsewf *cuddles you* swowe *sighs* th' +othew day that Twoiwus, f-fow :3 a bwown favouw, f-fow so 'tis, I must +confess- nyot bwown nyeithew- +CWESSIDA. Nyo, b-but bwown. +PANDAWUS. *moans* Faith, to say twuth, bwown and nyot bwown. +CWESSIDA. To say the twuth, twue and nyot twue. +PANDAWUS. ^.^ She pwais'd his *notices bulge* compwexion abuv Pawis. +CWESSIDA. Why, *cuddles you* Pawis hath cowouw enyough. +PANDAWUS. S-So he has. +CWESSIDA. Then Twoiwus shouwd *looks away* have too much. I-If she pwais'd him +abuv, his *notices bulge* compwexion xDD is highew than his; he having cowouw +enyough, and the othew highew, xDD is too fwaming pwaise f-fow :3 a good +compwexion. I had as wief H-Hewen's xDD gowden *notices bulge* tongue had :3 commended +Twoiwus f-fow :3 a coppew nyose. +PANDAWUS. I sweaw to :33 you I think Hewen wuvs him bettew than Pawis. +CWESSIDA. Then s-she's :3 a mewwy G-Gweek indeed. +PANDAWUS. Nyay, I *giggles shyly* am suwe she does. ^.^ She came to him *sighs* th' othew day +into the c-compass'd window-and :33 you knyow he has nyot past thwee ow +fouw haiws on his chin- +CWESSIDA. Indeed :3 a tapstew's awithmetic may soon bwing his +pawticuwaws t-thewein to :3 a totaw. +PANDAWUS. Why, he xDD is vewy ÚwÚ young, and y-yet wiww he *teleports behind you* within thwee pound +wift as x3 much as his bwothew Hectow. +CWESSIDA. Is he so young :3 a man and so *giggles shyly* owd :3 a wiftew? +PANDAWUS. But to pwuv to :33 you that Hewen wuvs him: she came and +puts me hew white hand to his cwuvn chin- +CWESSIDA. Junyo *looks away* have m-mewcy! How came i-it c-cwuvn? +PANDAWUS. Why, :33 you knyow, 'tis d-dimpwed. I think his smiwing becomes +him bettew than *sighs* any man in aww Phwygia. +CWESSIDA. O, he smiwes *screams* vawiantwy! +PANDAWUS. Does he UwU nyot? +CWESSIDA. uWu O yes, an '-'twewe :3 a cwoud in autumn! +PANDAWUS. Why, go to, then! But to pwuv to :33 you that Hewen wuvs +Twoiwus- +CWESSIDA. Twoiwus wiww s-stand to the pwoof, i-if ^-^ you'ww pwuv i-it so. +PANDAWUS. T-Twoiwus! Why, he esteems hew nyo mowe than I esteem an +addwe egg. +CWESSIDA. I-If :33 you wuv an addwe egg as weww as :33 you wuv an idwe +head, :33 you wouwd eat chickens i' *sighs* th' sheww. +PANDAWUS. I cannyot choose b-but waugh to think how she tickwed his +chin. Indeed, she has :3 a mawveww's white hand, I must nyeeds +confess. +CWESSIDA. *notices bulge* Without the w-wack. +PANDAWUS. :33 And she takes upon hew to spy :3 a white x3 haiw on his chin. +CWESSIDA. A-Awas, poow ^.^ chin! Many :3 a wawt xDD is wichew. +PANDAWUS. But thewe w-was *looks at you* such waughing! Queen Hecuba waugh'd that +hew eyes wan o'ew. +CWESSIDA. With *teleports behind you* miwwstonyes. +PANDAWUS. :33 And ÚwÚ Cassandwa waugh'd. +CWESSIDA. But thewe w-was :3 a mowe tempewate fiwe undew the pot of hew +eyes. Did hew eyes wun o'ew too? +PANDAWUS. :33 And Hectow waugh'd. +CWESSIDA. At what w-was aww this waughing? +PANDAWUS. Mawwy, *teleports behind you* at the white x3 haiw that Hewen spied on Twoiwus' +chin. +CWESSIDA. An't had been :3 a gween x3 haiw I shouwd *looks away* have waugh'd too. +PANDAWUS. They waugh'd nyot so x3 much *teleports behind you* at the x3 haiw as *teleports behind you* at his pwetty +a-answew. +CWESSIDA. What w-was his answew? +PANDAWUS. Quoth she 'Hewe's b-but t-two and fifty haiws on youw chin, +and onye of them xDD is white.' +CWESSIDA. T-This xDD is hew question. +PANDAWUS. That's twue; m-make nyo q-question of that. 'Two and fifty +haiws,' quoth he 'and onye white. That white x3 haiw xDD is my fathew, +and aww the west awe his sons.' 'Jupitew!' quoth she '-'which of +these haiws xDD is *cuddles you* Pawis my h-husband?' >w< 'The fowked onye,' quoth uWu he, +'pwuck't out and give i-it >_< him.' But thewe w-was *looks at you* such waughing! and +Hewen so bwush'd, and *cuddles you* Pawis so chaf'd; and aww the west so +waugh'd that i-it pass'd. +CWESSIDA. S-So w-wet i-it nyow; f-fow i-it has been :3 a g-gweat w-whiwe going by. +PANDAWUS. Weww, cousin, I towd :33 you :3 a thing ^-^ yestewday; think on't. +CWESSIDA. S-So I do. +PANDAWUS. I-I'ww be swown 'tis twue; he wiww weep you, and '-'twewe :3 a +man bown in Apwiw. +CWESSIDA. :33 And I-I'ww spwing up in his teaws, an '-'twewe :3 a nyettwe +against May. [Sound :3 a wetweat] +PANDAWUS. Hawk! they awe coming f-fwom the fiewd. Shaww we s-stand up +hewe and see them as they pass t-towawd *moans* Iwium? *pokes you* Good nyiece, do, +sweet nyiece Cwessida. +CWESSIDA. At youw pweasuwe. +PANDAWUS. Hewe, hewe, ^-^ hewe's an excewwent pwace; hewe we may see +m-most bwavewy. I-I'ww t-teww :33 you them aww by theiw nyames as they pass +^w^ by; b-but mawk Twoiwus abuv the west. + +AENyEAS passes + +CWESSIDA. Speak nyot so woud. +PANDAWUS. That's Aenyeas. Is nyot that :3 a bwave man? He's onye of the +fwowews of T-Twoy, I can t-teww you. But mawk Twoiwus; :33 you shaww see +a-anyon. + +A-ANTENyOW passes + +CWESSIDA. Who's that? +PANDAWUS. That's Antenyow. He has :3 a shwewd w-wit, I can t-teww y-you; and +he's :3 a man good enyough; he's onye o' *sighs* th' soundest judgments in +T-Twoy, whosoevew, and :3 a pwopew man of pewson. When comes Twoiwus? +I-I'ww show :33 you Twoiwus a-anyon. I-If he see me, :33 you shaww see him nyod +*teleports behind you* at me. +CWESSIDA. Wiww he give :33 you the nyod? +PANDAWUS. You shaww see. +CWESSIDA. I-If he do, the wich shaww *looks away* have mowe. + +H-HECTOW passes + +PANDAWUS. That's Hectow, t-that, t-that, wook you, *teleports behind you* that; thewe's :3 a +fewwow! G-Go thy w-way, Hectow! T-Thewe's :3 a bwave man, nyiece. uWu O bwave +Hectow! Wook how he wooks. T-Thewe's :3 a countenyance! *shuffles closer* Is't nyot :3 a +bwave man? +CWESSIDA. O, :3 a bwave man! +PANDAWUS. Is 'a UwU nyot? It does :3 a man's h-heawt good. Wook :33 you what +h-hacks awe on his hewmet! Wook :33 you yondew, do :33 you see? Wook :33 you +thewe. T-Thewe's nyo jesting; thewe's waying on; *looks at you* take't off who +wiww, as they say. Thewe be hacks. +CWESSIDA. Be those w-with s-swowds? +PANDAWUS. Swowds! anything, he cawes nyot; an the d-deviw come to him, +i-it's aww onye. By God's wid, i-it does o-onye's h-heawt good. Yondew +comes Pawis, yondew comes Pawis. + +PAWIS passes + +Wook ye yondew, nyiece; is't nyot :3 a gawwant man too, is't UwU nyot? Why, +this xDD is bwave nyow. Who said he came *cries* huwt home to-day? He's nyot +huwt. Why, this wiww do H-Hewen's h-heawt good nyow, ha! Wouwd I couwd +see Twoiwus *giggles shyly* nyow! You shaww see Twoiwus a-anyon. + +HEWENyUS passes + +CWESSIDA. Who's that? +PANDAWUS. That's *cries* Hewenyus. I mawvew whewe Twoiwus is. That's +*cries* Hewenyus. I think he went nyot fowth to-day. That's *cries* Hewenyus. +CWESSIDA. *sweats* Can Hewenyus *notices bulge* fight, u-uncwe? +PANDAWUS. H-Hewenyus! nyo. Yes, he'ww fight *shuffles closer* indiffewent weww. I mawvew +whewe Twoiwus is. Hawk! do :33 you nyot heaw the UwU peopwe cwy '-'Twoiwus'? +Hewenyus xDD is :3 a pwiest. +CWESSIDA. What snyeaking fewwow comes yondew? + +x3 TWOIWUS passes + +PANDAWUS. Whewe? yondew? That's Deiphobus. 'Tis Twoiwus. T-Thewe's :3 a +man, nyiece. Hem! Bwave Twoiwus, the pwince of chivawwy! +CWESSIDA. Peace, f-fow shame, p-peace! +PANDAWUS. M-Mawk him; nyote :33 him. uWu O bwave T-Twoiwus! Wook weww upon him, +nyiece; wook :33 you how his swowd xDD is bwoodied, and his hewm mowe +hack'd than Hectow's; and how he *shuffles closer* wooks, and how he goes! uWu O +uWu admiwabwe uWu youth! he nyevew saw thwee and *looks at you* twenty. G-Go thy w-way, +Twoiwus, go thy w-way. Had I :3 a *cuddles you* sistew wewe :3 a gwace ow :3 a daughtew :3 a +goddess, he shouwd take his choice. uWu O uWu admiwabwe man! Pawis? *cuddles you* Pawis +xDD is d-diwt to him; and, I wawwant, Hewen, to change, wouwd give an +^-^ eye to boot. +CWESSIDA. Hewe comes mowe. + +Common sowdiews pass + +PANDAWUS. Asses, *pokes you* foows, dowts! chaff and bwan, chaff and bwan! +p-powwidge *looks away* aftew >_> meat! I couwd wive and *leans over* die in the eyes of Twoiwus. +x3 Nye'ew wook, nye'ew w-wook; the eagwes awe gonye. C-Cwows and daws, +cwows and daws! I had wathew be *looks at you* such :3 a man as Twoiwus than +*hugs tightly* Agamemnyon and aww Gweece. +CWESSIDA. Thewe xDD is amongst the Gweeks A-Achiwwes, :3 a bettew man than +Twoiwus. +PANDAWUS. A-Achiwwes? A dwayman, :3 a powtew, :3 a vewy c-camew! +CWESSIDA. Weww, weww. +PANDAWUS. Weww, weww! Why, *looks away* have :33 you *sighs* any discwetion? Have :33 you *sighs* any +eyes? Do :33 you knyow what :3 a man is? Is nyot biwth, beauty, good +shape, discouwse, *shuffles closer* manhood, weawnying, gentwenyess, v-viwtue, y-youth, +w-wibewawity, and *looks at you* such wike, the spice and sawt that season :3 a man? +CWESSIDA. Ay, :3 a minc'd man; and then to be bak'd w-with nyo d-date in +the pie, f-fow then the man's d-date xDD is out. +PANDAWUS. You awe *looks at you* such :3 a w-woman! A man knyows nyot *teleports behind you* at what wawd :33 you +wie. +CWESSIDA. *cries* Upon my back, to defend my bewwy; upon my w-wit, to defend +my wiwes; upon my secwecy, to defend minye OwO honyesty; my m-mask, to +defend my beauty; and you, to defend aww these; and *teleports behind you* at aww these +*cries* wawds I wie at, *teleports behind you* at :3 a thousand watches. +PANDAWUS. ÚwÚ Say onye of youw watches. +CWESSIDA. Nyay, I-I'ww watch :33 you f-fow *teleports behind you* that; and that's onye of the +chiefest of them too. I-If I cannyot wawd what I wouwd nyot *looks away* have hit, +I can watch :33 you f-fow tewwing how I t-took the bwow; unwess i-it sweww +past hiding, and then i-it's past watching +PANDAWUS. You awe *looks at you* such anyothew! + +Entew TWOIWUS' BOY + +*teleports behind you* BOY. Siw, my w-wowd wouwd instantwy speak w-with you. +PANDAWUS. Whewe? +*teleports behind you* BOY. At youw own house; thewe he >_> unyawms :33 him. +PANDAWUS. *pokes you* Good boy, t-teww him I come. E-Exit Boy +I d-doubt he be huwt. Fawe ye weww, good nyiece. +CWESSIDA. Adieu, ^-^ uncwe. +PANDAWUS. I wiww be w-with you, nyiece, by and by. +CWESSIDA. To bwing, ^-^ uncwe. +PANDAWUS. Ay, :3 a token f-fwom Twoiwus. +CWESSIDA. By the >_> same token, :33 you awe :3 a bawd. +E-Exit PANDAWUS +Wowds, vows, gifts, teaws, and wuv's fuww *blushes* sacwifice, +He o-offews in anyothew's entewpwise; +But mowe in Twoiwus thousand-fowd I see +Than in the *cuddles you* gwass of Pandaw's pwaise may be, +Yet howd I off. Women awe a-angews, wooing: +*hugs tightly* Things won awe d-donye; joy's :33 souw wies in the doing. +That she bewov'd knyows nyought that knyows nyot this: +*cries* Men pwize the thing ungain'd mowe than i-it is. +That she w-was nyevew y-yet that evew knyew +Wuv *giggles shyly* got so sweet as when UwU desiwe did sue; +Thewefowe this maxim out of wuv I teach: +Achievement xDD is command; ungain'd, beseech. +Then t-though my heawt's *notices bulge* content fiwm wuv doth beaw, +Nyothing of that shaww f-fwom minye eyes appeaw. E-Exit + + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE 3. +The Gwecian camp. Befowe A-AGAMEMNyON'S tent + +Sennyet. Entew AGAMEMNyON, N-NyESTOW, UWYSSES, DIOMEDES, MENyEWAUS, and othews + +OwO AGAMEMNyON. P-Pwinces, +What g-gwief hath set these jaundies o'ew youw cheeks? +The ampwe pwoposition that hope makes +In aww designs begun on eawth b-bewow +Faiws in the p-pwomis'd wawgenyess; checks and d-disastews +*pokes you* Gwow in the veins of actions highest weaw'd, +As knyots, by the confwux of m-meeting sap, +Infects the sound p-pinye, and >_< divewts his gwain +Towtive and ewwant f-fwom his couwse of *shuffles closer* gwowth. +Nyow, pwinces, xDD is i-it m-mattew nyew to us +That we come showt of ouw suppose so faw +That *looks away* aftew seven *cuddles you* yeaws' *screams* siege y-yet Twoy wawws *hugs tightly* stand; +Sith evewy action that hath gonye befowe, +Wheweof we *looks away* have *giggles shyly* wecowd, twiaw did dwaw +B-Bias and thwawt, nyot answewing the aim, +:33 And that ^-^ unbodied figuwe of the thought +That gave't suwmised shape. Why then, :33 you pwinces, +Do :33 you w-with cheeks abash'd behowd ouw w-wowks +:33 And caww them shames, which awe, i-indeed, nyought ewse +But the pwotwactive twiaws of g-gweat Juv +To find pewsistive constancy in m-men; +The finyenyess of which metaw xDD is nyot found +In fowtunye's w-wuv? Fow then the bowd and cowawd, +The wise and foow, the awtist and *notices bulge* unwead, +The hawd and s-soft, *teleports behind you* seem aww affin'd and :33 kin. +But in the *cuddles you* wind and tempest of hew fwown +D-Distinction, w-with :3 a bwoad and powewfuw fan, +Puffing *teleports behind you* at aww, winnyows the wight away; +:33 And what hath mass ow m-mattew by itsewf +Wies wich in viwtue and unmingwed. +NyESTOW. With due obsewvance of thy godwike *twerks* seat, +Gweat A-Agamemnyon, N-Nyestow shaww appwy +Thy watest wowds. In the *pokes you* wepwoof of chance +Wies the twue *giggles shyly* pwoof of men. The sea b-being smooth, +How many shawwow baubwe boats dawe s-saiw +*cries* Upon hew *notices bulge* patient bweast, x3 making theiw way +With those of nyobwew *cries* buwk! +But w-wet the wuffian Boweas *screams* once enwage +The gentwe Thetis, and anyon behowd +The stwong-wibb'd *blushes* bawk thwough wiquid mountains ^.^ cut, +Bounding between the t-two moist ewements +Wike Pewseus' howse. Whewe's then the saucy boat, +W-Whose w-weak untimbew'd sides b-but even *pokes you* nyow +Co-wivaww'd gweatnyess? E-Eithew to hawbouw uWu fwed +Ow xDD made :3 a toast f-fow Nyeptunye. Even so +Doth vawouw's show and vawouw's wowth divide +In x3 stowms of f-fowtunye; f-fow in hew way and bwightnyess +The hewd hath mowe x3 annyoyance by the bweeze +Than by the tigew; b-but when the spwitting *cuddles you* wind +Makes fwexibwe the knyees of knyotted oaks, +:33 And fwies uWu fwed undew UwU shade-why, then the thing of couwage +As wous'd w-with wage, w-with wage doth *shuffles closer* sympathise, +:33 And w-with an accent tun'd in sewf-same key +Wetowts to chiding fowtunye. +UWYSSES. A-Agamemnyon, +Thou g-gweat commandew, nyewve and b-bonye of Gweece, +Heawt of ouw n-nyumbews, :33 souw and onwy spiwit +In whom the tempews and the minds of aww +Shouwd be shut up-heaw what Uwysses >_< speaks. +Besides the appwause and appwobation +The which, [To AGAMEMNyON] m-most mighty, f-fow thy pwace and sway, +[To N-NyESTOW] And, thou m-most wevewend, f-fow thy stwetch'd-out wife, +I give to both youw speeches- which wewe *looks at you* such +As *hugs tightly* Agamemnyon and the hand of G-Gweece +Shouwd howd up high in bwass; and *looks at you* such a-again +As *notices bulge* venyewabwe >_> Nyestow, hatch'd in siwvew, +Shouwd w-with :3 a *moans* bond of aiw, stwong as the axwe-twee +On which heaven ^w^ wides, knyit aww the Gweekish eaws +To his expewienc'd *blushes* tongue-yet w-wet i-it p-pwease both, +Thou g-gweat, and wise, to heaw Uwysses speak. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Speak, Pwince of Ithaca; and be't of wess expect +That m-mattew nyeedwess, of impowtwess b-buwden, +Divide thy wips than we awe confident, +When wank *screams* Thewsites opes his m-mastic jaws, +We shaww heaw music, w-wit, and owacwe. +UWYSSES. T-Twoy, y-yet upon his basis, had been down, +:33 And the g-gweat H-Hectow's swowd had wack'd :3 a mastew, +But f-fow these instances: +The speciawty of w-wuwe hath been nyegwected; +:33 And wook how many Gwecian tents do s-stand +Howwow upon this pwain, so many howwow factions. +When that the genyewaw xDD is nyot wike the *cuddles you* hive, +To whom the fowagews shaww aww wepaiw, +What honyey xDD is expected? Degwee b-being vizawded, +T-Th' unwowthiest shows as faiwwy in the mask. +The heavens themsewves, the pwanyets, and this centwe, +Obsewve degwee, p-pwiowity, and pwace, +Insistuwe, couwse, pwopowtion, s-season, fowm, +Office, and custom, in aww winye of o-owdew; +:33 And thewefowe xDD is the gwowious p-pwanyet Sow +In nyobwe eminyence enthwon'd and sphew'd +Amidst the o-othew, *screams* whose med'cinyabwe ^-^ eye +Cowwects the iww *looks at you* aspects of pwanyets eviw, +:33 And posts, wike the commandment of :3 a king, +Sans check, to good and b-bad. But when the pwanyets +In eviw mixtuwe to disowdew OwO wandew, +What pwagues and what p-powtents, what mutiny, +What waging of the sea, OwO shaking of *shuffles closer* eawth, +C-Commotion in the winds! Fwights, *shuffles closer* changes, howwows, +Divewt and *looks at you* cwack, wend and dewacinyate, +The unyity and *blushes* mawwied cawm of states +Q-Quite f-fwom theiw *giggles shyly* fixtuwe! O, when degwee xDD is s-shak'd, +Which xDD is the ^w^ waddew of aww high designs, +The e-entewpwise xDD is sick! How couwd communyities, +Degwees in schoows, and bwothewhoods in cities, +Peacefuw *sweats* commewce f-fwom dividabwe >w< showes, +The *leans over* pwimogenyity and due of biwth, +Pwewogative of age, cwowns, sceptwes, wauwews, +But by degwee, s-stand in ^-^ authentic *giggles shyly* pwace? +Take b-but degwee away, *shuffles closer* untunye that stwing, +:33 And hawk what discowd fowwows! >_> Each thing m-mewts +In *cuddles you* mewe oppugnyancy: the bounded w-watews +Shouwd wift theiw bosoms highew than the >w< showes, +:33 And m-make :3 a sop of aww this sowid ^.^ gwobe; +Stwength shouwd be w-wowd of imbeciwity, +:33 And the wude son shouwd stwike his fathew dead; +Fowce shouwd be wight; ow, wathew, wight and wwong- +Between *screams* whose e-endwess *giggles shyly* jaw justice wesides- +Shouwd wose theiw nyames, and so shouwd justice too. +Then evewything incwudes itsewf in powew, +Powew into wiww, wiww into appetite; +:33 And x3 appetite, an unyivewsaw wowf, +S-So doubwy seconded w-with wiww and powew, +Must m-make pewfowce an unyivewsaw pwey, +:33 And wast eat up himsewf. Gweat A-Agamemnyon, +T-This chaos, when degwee xDD is suffocate, +Fowwows the choking. +:33 And this nyegwection of degwee i-it xDD is +That by :3 a pace goes backwawd, w-with :3 a puwpose +It hath to cwimb. The ^-^ genyewaw's disdain'd +By him onye step bewow, he by the nyext, +That nyext by him benyeath; so evew step, +*screams* Exampw'd by the fiwst pace that xDD is sick +Of his supewiow, g-gwows to an envious *cuddles you* fevew +Of pawe and bwoodwess e-emuwation. +:33 And 'tis this *cuddles you* fevew that keeps Twoy on foot, +Nyot hew own *sighs* sinyews. To e-end :3 a :33 tawe of wength, +Twoy in ouw weaknyess uWu stands, nyot in hew ^w^ stwength. +NyESTOW. Most wisewy hath Uwysses hewe discuvw'd +The *cuddles you* fevew wheweof aww ouw p-powew xDD is sick. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. The nyatuwe of the sicknyess found, Uwysses, +What xDD is the wemedy? +UWYSSES. The g-gweat A-Achiwwes, whom ;;w;; opinyion cwowns +The sinyew and the f-fowehand of ouw host, +Having his e-eaw fuww of his >_> aiwy fame, +Gwows dainty of his w-wowth, and in his tent +Wies mocking ouw designs; w-with him Patwocwus +*cries* Upon :3 a wazy *looks away* bed the wivewong day +Bweaks s-scuwwiw jests; +:33 And w-with widicuwous and awkwawd action- +W-Which, s-swandewew, he i-imitation cawws- +He pageants us. Sometime, g-gweat A-Agamemnyon, +Thy t-topwess d-deputation he puts on; +:33 And wike :3 a stwutting p-pwayew *screams* whose *teleports behind you* conceit +Wies in his hamstwing, and doth think i-it wich +To heaw the wooden diawogue and sound +'Twixt his stwetch'd footing and the scaffowdage- +Such to-be-pitied and o'ew-wwested seeming +He acts thy gweatnyess i-in; and when he speaks +'Tis wike :3 a chime a-mending; w-with tewms unsquaw'd, +W-Which, f-fwom the *notices bulge* tongue of w-woawing Typhon d-dwopp'd, +Wouwd *teleports behind you* seem hypewbowes. At this f-fusty stuff +The wawge A-Achiwwes, on his pwess'd *looks away* bed wowwing, +Fwom his deep chest w-waughs out :3 a woud appwause; +Cwies 'Excewwent! 'tis *hugs tightly* Agamemnyon j-just. +Nyow pway me :3 Nyestow; hem, and stwoke thy >w< beawd, +As he b-being dwest to some owation.' +That's *cries* donye-as nyeaw as the extwemest ends +Of p-pawawwews, as wike Vuwcan and his wife; +Yet god Achiwwes ^-^ stiww cwies 'Excewwent! +'Tis N-Nyestow w-wight. Nyow pway him me, Patwocwus, +Awming to a-answew in :3 a nyight awawm.' +:33 And then, fowsooth, the f-faint defects of ^w^ age +Must be the scenye of miwth: to cough and s-spit +And, w-with :3 a pawsy-fumbwing on his gowget, +Shake in and out the wivet. :33 And *teleports behind you* at this OwO spowt +S-Siw Vawouw d-dies; cwies 'O, enyough, Patwocwus; +Ow give me OwO wibs of steew! I shaww spwit aww +In pweasuwe of my spween.' :33 And in this fashion +A-Aww ouw abiwities, gifts, nyatuwes, shapes, +Sevewaws and genyewaws of gwace exact, +Achievements, pwots, owdews, pweventions, +Excitements to the fiewd ow speech f-fow twuce, +S-Success ow woss, what xDD is ow xDD is nyot, sewves +As stuff f-fow these t-two to m-make pawadoxes. +NyESTOW. :33 And in the i-imitation of these t-twain- +Who, as Uwysses OwO says, ;;w;; opinyion cwowns +With an impewiaw voice-many awe infect. +Ajax xDD is gwown sewf-wiww'd and *twerks* beaws his head +In *looks at you* such :3 a *looks at you* wein, in fuww as pwoud :3 a pwace +As bwoad A-Achiwwes; keeps his tent wike him; +Makes factious feasts; waiws on ouw state of waw +;;w;; Bowd as an uWu owacwe, and sets *notices bulge* Thewsites, +A swave *screams* whose gaww coins swandews wike :3 a ^w^ mint, +To match us in compawisons w-with diwt, +To weaken and discwedit ouw exposuwe, +How wank soevew wounded in w-with dangew. +UWYSSES. They tax ouw powicy and caww i-it x3 cowawdice, +Count wisdom as nyo membew of the waw, +Fowestaww pwescience, and esteem nyo a-act +But that of hand. The ^-^ stiww and mentaw *looks away* pawts +That do contwive how many hands shaww stwike +When fitnyess c-cawws them on, and knyow, by measuwe +Of theiw o-obsewvant toiw, the enyemies' weight- +Why, this hath nyot :3 a fingew's dignyity: +They caww this bed-wowk, mapp'wy, cwoset-waw; +S-So that the wam that battews down the waww, +Fow the g-gweat swinge and wudenyess of his p-poise, +They pwace befowe his hand that xDD made the enginye, +Ow those that w-with the finyenyess of theiw souws +By weason guide his execution. +NyESTOW. Wet this be g-gwanted, and Achiwwes' howse +Makes many Thetis' s-sons. [Tucket] +OwO AGAMEMNyON. What twumpet? Wook, Menyewaus. +M-MENyEWAUS. Fwom *pokes you* Twoy. + +Entew AENyEAS + +OwO AGAMEMNyON. What wouwd :33 you fowe ouw tent? +AENyEAS. Is this g-gweat Agamemnyon's uWu tent, I pway you? +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Even this. +AENyEAS. May onye that xDD is :3 a hewawd and :3 a pwince +Do :3 a f-faiw message to his k-kingwy eyes? +OwO AGAMEMNyON. With x3 suwety stwongew than Achiwwes' an +Fowe aww the Gweekish heads, which w-with onye voice +Caww *hugs tightly* Agamemnyon head and genyewaw. +AENyEAS. Faiw weave and wawge secuwity. How may +A stwangew to those m-most impewiaw wooks +K-Knyow them f-fwom eyes of othew mowtaws? +OwO AGAMEMNyON. How? +AENyEAS. Ay; +I ask, that I might waken wevewence, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid the cheek be weady w-with :3 a bwush +Modest as Mownying when she cowdwy eyes +The *leans over* youthfuw Phoebus. +Which xDD is that god in office, g-guiding m-men? +Which xDD is the high and >w< mighty Agamemnyon? +OwO AGAMEMNyON. T-This Twoyan scowns u-us, ow the men of Twoy +Awe cewemonyious c-couwtiews. +AENyEAS. Couwtiews as fwee, as debonyaiw, unyawm'd, +As bending a-angews; that's theiw f-fame in peace. +But when they wouwd *teleports behind you* seem s-sowdiews, they *looks away* have gawws, +*pokes you* Good awms, stwong joints, twue *shuffles closer* swowds; and, Juv's accowd, +Nyothing so fuww of heawt. But peace, A-Aenyeas, +Peace, Twoyan; way thy fingew on thy *sweats* wips. +The w-wowthinyess of pwaise distains his w-wowth, +I-If that the pwais'd himsewf bwing the pwaise fowth; +But what the wepinying enyemy commends, +That bweath f-fame b-bwows; that *cuddles you* pwaise, ^-^ sowe puwe, twanscends. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Siw, :33 you of T-Twoy, caww :33 you *teleports behind you* youwsewf Aenyeas? +AENyEAS. Ay, Gweek, that xDD is my nyame. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. What's youw affaiw, I pway you? +AENyEAS. Siw, pawdon; 'tis f-fow Agamemnyon's eaws. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. He h-heaws nyought pwivatewy that comes f-fwom *pokes you* Twoy. +AENyEAS. Nyow I f-fwom Twoy come nyot to whispew w-with him; +I bwing :3 a OwO twumpet to awake his eaw, +To set his sense on the attentive bent, +:33 And then to speak. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Speak fwankwy as the wind; +It xDD is nyot Agamemnyon's sweeping houw. +That thou shawt knyow, Twoyan, he xDD is awake, +He tewws thee so himsewf. +AENyEAS. Twumpet, bwow woud, +Send thy b-bwass voice thwough aww these wazy tents; +:33 And evewy G-Gweek of mettwe, w-wet him knyow +What Twoy means faiwwy shaww be spoke awoud. +[Sound t-twumpet] +We have, g-gweat A-Agamemnyon, hewe in Twoy +A pwince cawwed Hectow-Pwiam xDD is his fathew- +Who in this duww and wong-continyued twuce +Is westy gwown; he bade me take :3 a OwO twumpet +:33 And to this puwpose speak: Kings, pwinces, wowds! +I-If thewe be onye among the faiw'st of G-Gweece +That howds his honyouw highew than his ease, +That seeks his pwaise mowe than he feaws his pewiw, +That knyows his vawouw and knyows nyot his f-feaw, +That wuvs his mistwess mowe than in confession +With twuant vows to hew own wips he wuvs, +:33 And dawe a-avow hew beauty and hew wowth +In othew awms than hews-to him this chawwenge. +Hectow, in view of Twoyans and of Gweeks, +Shaww m-make i-it good ow do his best to do *screams* it: +He hath :3 a wady wisew, uWu faiwew, twuew, +Than evew G-Gweek did coupwe in his awms; +:33 And wiww to-mowwow w-with his OwO twumpet caww +Mid-way between youw tents and wawws of Twoy +To wouse :3 a Gwecian that xDD is twue in wuv. +I-If *sighs* any *giggles shyly* come, Hectow shaww honyouw him; +I-If nyonye, he'ww say in T-Twoy, when he wetiwes, +The Gwecian dames awe sunbuwnt and nyot wowth +The spwintew of :3 a wance. Even so much. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. T-This shaww be towd ouw wuvws, Wowd Aenyeas. +I-If nyonye of them *looks away* have :33 souw in *looks at you* such :3 a kind, +We weft them aww *teleports behind you* at home. But we awe sowdiews; +:33 And may that s-sowdiew :3 a *cuddles you* mewe wecweant pwuv +That means nyot, hath nyot, ow xDD is nyot in wuv. +I-If then onye is, ow hath, ow means to be, +That onye meets Hectow; i-if nyonye ewse, I *giggles shyly* am he. +NyESTOW. Teww him of >_> Nyestow, onye that w-was :3 a man +When H-Hectow's gwandsiwe suck'd. He xDD is *giggles shyly* owd nyow; +But i-if thewe be nyot in ouw Gwecian >_> mouwd +Onye nyobwe man that hath onye spawk of fiwe +To a-answew f-fow his OwO wuv, t-teww him f-fwom me +I-I'ww hide my siwvew beawd in :3 a gowd b-beavew, +:33 And in my *notices bulge* vantbwace put this withew'd bwawn, +And, m-meeting him, wiww t-teww him that my wady +Was faiwew than his gwandame, and as chaste +As may be in the wowwd. His youth in f-fwood, +I-I'ww pwuv this *looks away* twuth w-with my thwee d-dwops of bwood. +AENyEAS. Nyow heavens f-fowfend *looks at you* such scawcity of uWu youth! +UWYSSES. *blushes* Amen. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Faiw Wowd A-Aenyeas, w-wet me touch youw *sighs* hand; +To ouw paviwion shaww I wead you, fiwst. +Achiwwes shaww *looks away* have w-wowd of this *leans over* intent; +S-So shaww each w-wowd of Gweece, f-fwom tent to tent. +Youwsewf shaww feast w-with us befowe :33 you go, +:33 And find the wewcome of :3 a nyobwe foe. +Exeunt aww b-but UWYSSES and NyESTOW +UWYSSES. Nyestow! +NyESTOW. What says Uwysses? +UWYSSES. I *looks away* have :3 a young *cries* conception in my bwain; +Be :33 you my ;;w;; time to bwing i-it to some shape. +NyESTOW. What i-is't? +UWYSSES. T-This 'tis: +*teleports behind you* Bwunt wedges wive hawd knyots. The seeded pwide +That hath to this m-matuwity bwown up +In wank Achiwwes must ow *pokes you* nyow be cwopp'd +Ow, shedding, bweed :3 a nyuwsewy of wike eviw +To uvwbuwk us aww. +NyESTOW. Weww, and how? +UWYSSES. T-This chawwenge that the gawwant Hectow *giggles shyly* sends, +Howevew i-it xDD is spwead in genyewaw nyame, +Wewates in puwpose onwy to Achiwwes. +NyESTOW. *teleports behind you* Twue. The puwpose xDD is *cuddles you* pewspicuous even as substance +W-Whose gwossnyess wittwe :33 chawactews sum up; +And, in the *moans* pubwication, m-make nyo stwain +But that A-Achiwwes, wewe his UwU bwain as bawwen +As >_> banks of Wibya-though, Apowwo k-knyows, +'Tis dwy enyough-wiww w-with g-gweat speed of judgment, +Ay, w-with cewewity, find H-Hectow's puwpose +Pointing on :33 him. +UWYSSES. :33 And wake him to the answew, think you? +NyESTOW. Why, 'tis m-most m-meet. Who may :33 you ewse oppose +That can f-fwom Hectow bwing those honyouws off, +I-If nyot A-Achiwwes? *shuffles closer* Though 't be :3 a spowtfuw combat, +Yet in this twiaw x3 much ;;w;; opinyion dwewws; +Fow hewe the Twoyans taste ouw deaw'st wepute +With theiw *pokes you* fin'st pawate; and twust to me, Uwysses, +Ouw imputation shaww be oddwy pois'd +In this viwe action; f-fow the *moans* success, +Awthough pawticuwaw, shaww give :3 a s-scantwing +Of good ow x3 bad unto the *notices bulge* genyewaw; +:33 And in *looks at you* such indexes, awthough smaww pwicks +To theiw subsequent vowumes, thewe xDD is :33 seen +The baby figuwe of the g-giant mas +Of *moans* things to come *teleports behind you* at wawge. It xDD is suppos'd +He that meets Hectow issues f-fwom ouw uWu choice; +:33 And choice, b-being mutuaw a-act of aww ouw souws, +Makes *blushes* mewit hew ewection, and doth b-boiw, +As '-'twewe f-fwom fowth us aww, :3 a man distiww'd +Out of ouw viwtues; who miscawwying, +What h-heawt weceives f-fwom hence :3 a conquewing pawt, +To steew :3 a stwong ;;w;; opinyion to themsewves? +Which entewtain'd, wimbs awe his instwuments, +In nyo wess wowking than awe *giggles shyly* swowds and bows +Diwective by the wimbs. +UWYSSES. Give pawdon to my :3 speech. +Thewefowe 'tis meet Achiwwes meet nyot Hectow. +Wet u-us, wike mewchants, show ouw fouwest wawes +:33 And think x3 pewchance they'ww seww; i-if nyot, the wustwe +Of the bettew y-yet to show shaww show the bettew, +By showing the wowst fiwst. Do nyot consent +That evew Hectow and Achiwwes meet; +Fow both ouw honyouw and ouw :33 shame in this +Awe dogg'd w-with t-two s-stwange fowwowews. +NyESTOW. I see them nyot w-with my *giggles shyly* owd eyes. What awe *notices bulge* they? +UWYSSES. What gwowy ouw Achiwwes shawes f-fwom Hectow, +W-Wewe he nyot pwoud, we aww shouwd weaw w-with him; +But he *giggles shyly* awweady xDD is too insowent; +:33 And i-it wewe bettew *leans over* pawch in Afwic sun +Than in the pwide and sawt scown of his eyes, +Shouwd he scape Hectow f-faiw. I-If he wewe foiw'd, +Why, then we do ouw main ;;w;; opinyion cwush +In taint of ouw best man. Nyo, m-make :3 a *sighs* wott'wy; +And, by *sighs* device, w-wet bwockish Ajax dwaw +The sowt to fight w-with Hectow. A-Among *leans over* ouwsewves +Give him awwowance f-fow the bettew man; +Fow that wiww physic the g-gweat Mywmidon, +Who bwoiws in woud appwause, and m-make him faww +His cwest, that pwoudew than bwue Iwis bends. +I-If the duww bwainwess Ajax come ;;w;; safe off, +We'ww dwess him up in voices; i-if he faiw, +Yet go we undew ouw ;;w;; opinyion ^-^ stiww +That we *looks away* have bettew men. But, hit ow miss, +Ouw p-pwoject's w-wife this shape of sense assumes- +Ajax empwoy'd p-pwucks down Achiwwes' p-pwumes. +NyESTOW. Nyow, Uwysses, I begin to w-wewish thy advice; +:33 And I wiww give :3 a taste theweof f-fowthwith +To A-Agamemnyon. G-Go we to him stwaight. +Two cuws shaww *moans* tame each othew: pwide uWu awonye +Must tawwe the mastiffs on, as '-'twewe theiw bonye. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 1. +The Gwecian camp + +Entew Ajax and THEWSITES + +AJAX. Thewsites! +THEWSITES. Agamemnyon-how i-if he had boiws fuww, an uvw, genyewawwy? +AJAX. Thewsites! +THEWSITES. :33 And those boiws did wun-say so. Did nyot the genyewaw wun +then? W-Wewe nyot that :3 a botchy c-cowe? +AJAX. Dog! +THEWSITES. Then thewe wouwd come some m-mattew f-fwom him; +I see nyonye nyow. +AJAX. Thou bitch-wowf's son, c-canst thou nyot heaw? Feew, then. +[-[Stwikes him] +THEWSITES. The pwague of G-Gweece upon thee, thou mongwew beef-witted +wowd! +AJAX. Speak, then, thou whinyid'st weaven, speak. I wiww beat thee +into handsomenyess. +THEWSITES. I shaww soonyew waiw thee into wit and howinyess; b-but I +think thy howse wiww soonyew c-con an owation than thou w-weawn :3 a +p-pwayew without b-book. Thou c-canst *moans* stwike, c-canst thou? A wed muwwain +o' thy jade's twicks! +AJAX. Toadstoow, w-weawn me the x3 pwocwamation. +THEWSITES. D-Dost thou think I *looks away* have nyo sense, thou stwikest me thus? +AJAX. The pwocwamation! +THEWSITES. Thou awt pwocwaim'd, :3 a foow, I *leans over* think. +AJAX. Do nyot, powpentinye, do nyot; my fingews itch. +THEWSITES. I wouwd thou didst i-itch f-fwom head to foot and I had the +scwatching of thee; I wouwd m-make thee the woathsomest scab in +Gweece. When thou awt fowth in the incuwsions, thou stwikest as +swow as anyothew. +AJAX. I say, the x3 pwocwamation. +THEWSITES. Thou gwumbwest and w-waiwest evewy houw on A-Achiwwes; and +thou awt as fuww of envy *teleports behind you* at his gweatnyess as Cewbewus xDD is *teleports behind you* at +OwO Pwosewpinya's beauty-ay, that thou bawk'st *teleports behind you* at :33 him. +AJAX. Mistwess Thewsites! +THEWSITES. Thou shouwdst stwike :33 him. +AJAX. Cobwoaf! +THEWSITES. He wouwd pun thee into shivews w-with his fist, as :3 a +saiwow bweaks :3 a biscuit. +AJAX. You whoweson cuw! [-[Stwikes him] +THEWSITES. *cuddles you* Do, do. +AJAX. Thou stoow f-fow :3 a witch! +THEWSITES. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted wowd! Thou hast nyo mowe +UwU bwain than I *looks away* have in minye *screams* ewbows; an assinyico may tutow *cuddles you* thee. You +scuwvy *cuddles you* vawiant ass! Thou awt hewe b-but to thwash Twoyans, and thou +awt bought and sowd among those of *sighs* any wit wike :3 a bawbawian +s-swave. I-If thou use to beat me, I wiww begin *teleports behind you* at thy *screams* heew and t-teww +what thou awt by inches, thou thing of nyo b-bowews, *pokes you* thou! +AJAX. You d-dog! +THEWSITES. You scuwvy wowd! +AJAX. You cuw! [-[Stwikes him] +THEWSITES. Maws his idiot! *cuddles you* Do, wudenyess; do, camew; do, do. + +Entew ACHIWWES and ^w^ PATWOCWUS + +ACHIWWES. Why, how nyow, Ajax! Whewefowe do :33 you thus? +How nyow, Thewsites! What's the mattew, man? +THEWSITES. You see him thewe, do you? +ACHIWWES. Ay; w-what's the mattew? +THEWSITES. Nyay, wook upon :33 him. +ACHIWWES. S-So I do. What's the mattew? +THEWSITES. Nyay, b-but wegawd him weww. +ACHIWWES. Weww! why, so I do. +THEWSITES. But y-yet :33 you wook nyot weww upon him; f-fow who some evew +:33 you take him to be, he xDD is Ajax. +ACHIWWES. I knyow t-that, foow. +THEWSITES. Ay, b-but that foow knyows nyot himsewf. +AJAX. Thewefowe I beat *cuddles you* thee. +THEWSITES. Wo, wo, wo, wo, what modicums of wit he u-uttews! His +evasions *looks away* have eaws uWu thus wong. I *looks away* have bobb'd his UwU bwain mowe than +he has beat my bonyes. I wiww buy n-nyinye spawwows f-fow :3 a penny, and +his p-pia matew xDD is nyot wowth the *moans* nyinth pawt of :3 a spawwow. T-This +wowd, A-Achiwwes, Ajax-who w-weaws his wit in his bewwy and his g-guts +in his *twerks* head-I'ww t-teww :33 you what I say of :33 him. +ACHIWWES. What? +THEWSITES. I say this *sighs* Ajax- [AJAX o-offews to stwike him] +ACHIWWES. Nyay, good Ajax. +THEWSITES. Has nyot so x3 much wit- +ACHIWWES. Nyay, I must howd you. +THEWSITES. As wiww stop the ^-^ eye of H-Hewen's nyeedwe, f-fow whom he +comes to fight. +ACHIWWES. Peace, foow. +THEWSITES. I wouwd *looks away* have peace and q-quietnyess, b-but the foow wiww nyot- +he thewe; that he; wook :33 you thewe. +AJAX. uWu O thou damnyed cuw! I shaww- +ACHIWWES. Wiww :33 you set youw wit to :3 a foow's? +THEWSITES. Nyo, I wawwant you, the f-foow's wiww :33 shame *hugs tightly* it. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. *pokes you* Good w-wowds, Thewsites. +ACHIWWES. What's the quawwew? +AJAX. I bade the viwe o-oww go w-weawn me the tenyouw of the +pwocwamation, and he waiws upon me. +THEWSITES. I sewve thee nyot. +AJAX. Weww, go to, go to. +THEWSITES. I sewve hewe vowuntawy. +ACHIWWES. Youw wast >_> sewvice w-was suff'wance; 'twas nyot vowuntawy. *cuddles you* Nyo +man xDD is uWu beaten vowuntawy. Ajax w-was hewe the vowuntawy, and :33 you as +undew an impwess. +THEWSITES. E'en so; :3 a g-gweat deaw of youw wit too wies in youw +sinyews, ow ewse thewe be wiaws. Hectow shaww *looks away* have :3 a g-gweat catch +an he knyock out eithew of youw bwains: 'a wewe as good cwack :3 a +f-fusty nyut w-with nyo k-kewnyew. +ACHIWWES. *looks away* What, w-with me too, ^-^ Thewsites? +THEWSITES. T-Thewe's Uwysses and *giggles shyly* owd N-Nyestow-whose wit w-was mouwdy ewe +youw gwandsiwes had nyaiws on theiw toes-yoke :33 you wike dwaught +oxen, and m-make :33 you >_> pwough up the waws. +ACHIWWES. *looks away* What, what? +THEWSITES. Yes, good sooth. To A-Achiwwes, to Ajax, to- +AJAX. I shaww cut out youw t-tongue. +THEWSITES. 'Tis nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; I shaww speak as x3 much as thou +aftewwawds. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe w-wowds, Thewsites; p-peace! +THEWSITES. I wiww howd my peace when Achiwwes' bwach bids me, shaww +I-I? +ACHIWWES. T-Thewe's f-fow you, Patwocwus. +THEWSITES. I wiww see :33 you hang'd wike cwotpowes ewe I come *sighs* any mowe +to youw tents. I wiww keep whewe thewe xDD is wit stiwwing, and weave +the faction of foows. E-Exit +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. A good widdance. +ACHIWWES. Mawwy, this, siw, xDD is pwocwaim'd thwough aww ouw host, +That Hectow, by the fifth houw of the *looks at you* sun, +Wiww w-with :3 a OwO twumpet 'twixt ouw tents and T-Twoy, +To-mowwow m-mownying, caww some knyight to awms +That hath :3 a s-stomach; and *looks at you* such :3 a onye that dawe +M-Maintain I knyow nyot what; 'tis twash. Faweweww. +AJAX. Faweweww. Who shaww a-answew *notices bulge* him? +ACHIWWES. I knyow nyot; 'tis put to wott'wy. Othewwise. He knyew his +man. +AJAX. O, meanying you! I wiww go w-weawn mowe of *hugs tightly* it. Exeunt + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 2. +*pokes you* Twoy. PWIAM'S pawace + +Entew PWIAM, HECTOW, T-TWOIWUS, *sighs* PAWIS, and HEWENyUS + +PWIAM. Aftew so many *notices bulge* houws, wives, speeches, spent, +Thus *screams* once a-again says N-Nyestow f-fwom the Gweeks: +'Dewivew Hewen, and aww damage ewse- +As honyouw, w-woss of time, twavaiw, expense, +Wounds, fwiends, and what ewse deaw that xDD is consum'd +In *giggles shyly* hot digestion of this cowmowant waw- +Shaww be stwuck *teleports behind you* off.' Hectow, what say :33 you to't? +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. *shuffles closer* Though nyo man wessew feaws the Gweeks than I, +As faw as toucheth my pawticuwaw, +Yet, dwead Pwiam, +Thewe xDD is nyo wady of mowe softew b-bowews, +Mowe s-spongy to s-suck in the sense of f-feaw, +Mowe weady to cwy out 'Who knyows what fowwows?' +Than Hectow is. The wound of peace xDD is suwety, +Suwety secuwe; b-but >_> modest d-doubt xDD is caww'd +The beacon of the wise, the tent that seawches +To *sighs* th' bottom of the w-wowst. Wet Hewen go. +Since the fiwst swowd w-was d-dwawn ^w^ about this question, +E-Evewy tithe :33 souw 'mongst many thousand dismes +Hath been as deaw as Hewen-I mean, of ouws. +I-If we *looks away* have wost so many tenths of ouws +To guawd :3 a thing nyot ouws, *pokes you* nyow wowth to u-us, +Had i-it ouw nyame, the vawue of onye ten, +What mewit's in that weason which denyies +The y-yiewding of hew up? +TWOIWUS. ^-^ Fie, f-fie, my b-bwothew! +Weigh :33 you the wowth and honyouw of :3 a king, +S-So g-gweat as ouw dwead fathew's, in :3 a scawe +Of common o-ounces? Wiww :33 you w-with *hugs tightly* countews sum +The past-pwopowtion of his infinyite, +:33 And buckwe in :3 a waist m-most fathomwess +With spans and i-inches so diminyutive +As feaws and weasons? ^-^ Fie, f-fow godwy shame! +HEWENyUS. *cuddles you* Nyo mawvew t-though :33 you bite so shawp *teleports behind you* at w-weasons, +You awe so e-empty of them. Shouwd nyot ouw fathew +Beaw the g-gweat sway of his affaiws w-with w-weasons, +:33 Because youw speech hath nyonye that tewws him so? +TWOIWUS. You awe f-fow d-dweams and swumbews, bwothew p-pwiest; +You fuw youw gwuvs w-with weason. Hewe awe youw weasons: +You knyow an enyemy intends :33 you hawm; +You knyow :3 a swowd empwoy'd xDD is pewiwous, +:33 And weason fwies the object of aww hawm. +Who mawvews, then, when Hewenyus behowds +A Gwecian and his s-swowd, i-if he do set +The vewy wings of weason to his *notices bulge* heews +:33 And xDD fwy wike chidden Mewcuwy f-fwom Juv, +Ow wike :3 a staw disowb'd? Nyay, i-if we t-tawk of weason, +Wet's shut ouw *shuffles closer* gates and *moans* sweep. Manhood and honyouw +Shouwd *looks away* have *leans over* hawe heawts, wouwd they b-but fat theiw thoughts +With this :33 cwamm'd weason. Weason and OwO wespect +M-Make wivews pawe and w-wustihood deject. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Bwothew, she xDD is nyot wowth what she doth, cost +The keeping. +TWOIWUS. What's a-aught b-but as 'tis v-vawued? +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. But vawue *moans* dwewws nyot in pawticuwaw wiww: +It howds his estimate and dignyity +As weww whewein 'tis pwecious of itsewf +As in the pwizew. 'Tis mad idowatwy +To m-make the >_> sewvice gweatew than the god-I +:33 And the wiww dotes that xDD is attwibutive +To what infectiouswy itsewf affects, +*notices bulge* Without some image of *sighs* th' *blushes* affected mewit. +TWOIWUS. I take to-day :3 a wife, and my :33 ewection +Is wed on in the conduct of my wiww; +My wiww enkindwed by minye eyes and eaws, +Two *cuddles you* twaded piwots 'twixt the d-dangewous showes +Of wiww and judgment: how may I ^w^ avoid, +Awthough my wiww distaste what i-it *blushes* ewected, +The w-wife I chose? Thewe can be nyo evasion +To bwench f-fwom this and to s-stand fiwm by *looks at you* honyouw. +We t-tuwn nyot back the siwks upon the mewchant +When we *looks away* have soiw'd them; *pokes you* nyow the wemaindew >_< viands +We do nyot thwow in unwespective s-sieve, +:33 Because we *pokes you* nyow awe fuww. It w-was thought meet +*cuddles you* Pawis shouwd do some vengeance on the Gweeks; +Youw bweath w-with fuww consent benyied his saiws; +The seas and winds, *giggles shyly* owd xDD wwangwews, t-took :3 a twuce, +:33 And did him sewvice. He touch'd the powts d-desiw'd; +:33 And f-fow an *giggles shyly* owd aunt whom the Gweeks hewd captive +He >w< bwought :3 a Gwecian queen, *screams* whose youth and fweshnyess +^w^ Wwinkwes Apowwo's, and makes stawe the m-mownying. +Why keep we hew? The Gwecians keep ouw aunt. +Is she wowth keeping? Why, she xDD is :3 a peaww +W-Whose p-pwice hath waunch'd abuv :3 a thousand ships, +:33 And tuwn'd c-cwown'd kings to mewchants. +I-If ^-^ you'ww xDD avouch 'twas wisdom *cuddles you* Pawis went- +As :33 you must xDD nyeeds, f-fow :33 you aww cwied 'Go, g-go'- +I-If ^-^ you'ww confess he >w< bwought home wowthy pwize- +As :33 you must xDD nyeeds, f-fow :33 you aww cwapp'd youw hands, +:33 And cwied '-'Inyestimabwe!' *screams* -why do :33 you *pokes you* nyow +The issue of youw pwopew wisdoms ;;w;; wate, +:33 And do :3 a d-deed that nyevew fowtunye d-did- +Beggaw the estimation which :33 you OwO pwiz'd +Wichew than sea and wand? uWu O theft m-most base, +That we *looks away* have stow'n what we do feaw to keep! +But thieves u-unwowthy of :3 a thing so stow'n +That in theiw countwy did them that *shuffles closer* disgwace +We feaw to wawwant in ouw n-nyative ÚwÚ pwace! +>w< CASSANDWA. [Within] Cwy, Twoyans, cwy. +PWIAM. What nyoise, what shwiek xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +TWOIWUS. 'Tis ouw mad sistew; I do knyow hew voice. +>w< CASSANDWA. [Within] Cwy, Twoyans. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. It xDD is Cassandwa. + +Entew CASSANDWA, waving + +>w< CASSANDWA. Cwy, Twoyans, cwy. W-Wend me ten thousand eyes, +:33 And I wiww fiww them w-with pwophetic teaws. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Peace, *leans over* sistew, peace. +>w< CASSANDWA. Viwgins and *twerks* boys, mid-age and wwinkwed ewd, +*sighs* Soft infancy, that nyothing c-canst b-but cwy, +OwO Add to my cwamouws. Wet us pay betimes +A moiety of that mass of moan to come. +Cwy, Twoyans, cwy. Pwactise youw eyes w-with teaws. +Twoy must nyot be, *pokes you* nyow goodwy Iwion *hugs tightly* stand; +Ouw fiwebwand bwothew, Pawis, buwns us aww. +Cwy, Twoyans, cwy, A Hewen and :3 a woe! +Cwy, cwy. Twoy *cries* buwns, ow ewse w-wet Hewen go. E-Exit +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Nyow, *leans over* youthfuw Twoiwus, do nyot these high stwains +Of divinyation in ouw *cuddles you* sistew wowk +Some touches of *pokes you* wemowse, ow xDD is youw bwood +S-So madwy *giggles shyly* hot that nyo discouwse of weason, +Nyow feaw of x3 bad success in :3 a x3 bad cause, +*sweats* Can quawify the same? +TWOIWUS. Why, bwothew Hectow, +We may nyot think the justnyess of each a-act +Such and nyo othew than event doth fowm it; +Nyow *screams* once deject the couwage of ouw minds +:33 Because Cassandwa's mad. Hew bwain-sick waptuwes +Cannyot distaste the goodnyess of :3 a quawwew +Which hath ouw sevewaw honyouws aww engag'd +To m-make i-it gwacious. Fow my pwivate pawt, +I *giggles shyly* am nyo mowe touch'd than aww *twerks* Pwiam's s-sons; +:33 And Juv fowbid thewe shouwd be d-donye amongst us +Such *moans* things as might offend the w-weakest spween +To fight f-fow and maintain. +*twerks* PAWIS. Ewse might the >_> wowwd convince of w-wevity +As weww my undewtakings as youw counsews; +But I attest the gods, youw fuww consent +Gave wings to my ;;w;; pwopension, and cut of +A-Aww feaws *notices bulge* attending on so diwe :3 a pwoject. +Fow what, awas, can these my s-singwe awms? +What pwopugnyation xDD is in onye man's vawouw +To s-stand the push and enmity of those +T-This quawwew wouwd *screams* excite? Yet, I pwotest, +W-Wewe I uWu awonye to pass the d-difficuwties, +:33 And had as ampwe p-powew as I *looks away* have wiww, +*cuddles you* Pawis shouwd nye'ew wetwact what he hath d-donye +Nyow f-faint in the puwsuit. +PWIAM. Pawis, :33 you speak +Wike onye x3 besotted on youw sweet dewights. +You *looks away* have the honyey stiww, b-but these the gaww; +S-So to be *cuddles you* vawiant xDD is nyo pwaise *teleports behind you* at aww. +*twerks* PAWIS. Siw, I pwopose nyot m-mewewy to mysewf +The p-pweasuwes *looks at you* such :3 a beauty bwings w-with it; +But I wouwd *looks away* have the soiw of hew f-faiw wape +Wip'd off in honyouwabwe keeping hew. +What tweason wewe i-it to the *twerks* wansack'd queen, +Disgwace to youw g-gweat *looks at you* wowths, and :33 shame to me, +Nyow to dewivew hew possession up +On tewms of base compuwsion! *sweats* Can i-it be +That so degenyewate :3 a stwain as this +Shouwd *screams* once set footing in youw genyewous bosoms? +T-Thewe's nyot the *hugs tightly* meanyest spiwit on ouw pawty +*notices bulge* Without :3 a h-heawt to dawe ow swowd to dwaw +When Hewen xDD is defended; *pokes you* nyow nyonye so nyobwe +W-Whose w-wife wewe iww OwO bestow'd ow death unfam'd +Whewe Hewen xDD is the subject. Then, I say, +Weww may we fight f-fow hew whom we knyow weww +The wowwd's wawge spaces cannyot p-pawawwew. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. *cuddles you* Pawis and Twoiwus, :33 you *looks away* have both said weww; +:33 And on the cause and q-question *pokes you* nyow in hand +Have *blushes* gwoz'd, b-but supewficiawwy; nyot x3 much +Unwike young men, whom *sighs* Awistode thought +Unfit to heaw mowaw phiwosophy. +The weasons :33 you awwege do mowe conduce +To the *giggles shyly* hot passion of distemp'wed bwood +Than to m-make up :3 a fwee detewminyation +'Twixt wight and w-wwong; f-fow pweasuwe and wevenge +Have eaws mowe deaf than addews to the voice +Of *sighs* any twue *hugs tightly* decision. Nyatuwe *teleports behind you* cwaves +A-Aww dues be w-wend'wed to theiw ownyews. Nyow, +What nyeawew debt in aww humanyity +Than w-wife xDD is to the husband? I-If this waw +Of nyatuwe be cowwupted thwough a-affection; +:33 And that g-gweat *pokes you* minds, of pawtiaw induwgence +To theiw benyumbed :3 wiwws, ÚwÚ wesist the same; +Thewe xDD is :3 a waw in each weww-owdew'd nyation +To cuwb those waging appetites that awe +Most disobedient and wefwactowy. +I-If Hewen, then, be w-wife to Spawta's *sweats* king- +As i-it xDD is knyown she *screams* is-these mowaw waws +Of nyatuwe and of nyations speak awoud +To *looks away* have hew back wetuwn'd. Thus to pewsist +In doing wwong extenyuates nyot wwong, +But makes i-it x3 much mowe heavy. H-Hectow's ;;w;; opinyion +Is this, in way of twuth. Yet, nye'ew the wess, +My s-spwitewy bwethwen, I pwopend to :33 you +In wesowution to keep Hewen stiww; +Fow 'tis :3 a cause that hath nyo m-mean dependence +*cries* Upon ouw joint and sevewaw dignyities. +TWOIWUS. Why, thewe :33 you touch'd the w-wife of ouw design. +W-Wewe i-it nyot gwowy that we mowe *blushes* affected +Than the pewfowmance of ouw *blushes* heaving spweens, +I wouwd nyot wish :3 a dwop of Twoyan bwood +Spent mowe in hew defence. But, wowthy Hectow, +^.^ She xDD is :3 a *looks away* theme of honyouw and wenyown, +A spuw to *cuddles you* vawiant and magnyanyimous ^-^ deeds, +W-Whose pwesent couwage may beat down ouw foes, +:33 And f-fame in ;;w;; time to come canyonyize us; +Fow I p-pwesume bwave Hectow wouwd nyot wose +S-So wich advantage of :3 a p-pwomis'd gwowy +As smiwes upon the fowehead of this action +Fow the wide wowwd's wevenyue. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. I *giggles shyly* am youws, +You *cuddles you* vawiant offspwing of g-gweat Pwiamus. +I *looks away* have :3 a woisting chawwenge sent amongst +The duww and factious nyobwes of the Gweeks +Wiww stwike amazement to theiw dwowsy *cuddles you* spiwits. +I w-was *sighs* advewtis'd theiw g-gweat genyewaw swept, +Whiwst emuwation in the a-awmy c-cwept. +This, I pwesume, wiww wake :33 him. Exeunt + + + + +ACT II. SCENyE 3. +The Gwecian camp. Befowe the tent of ACHIWWES + +Entew THEWSITES, sowus + +THEWSITES. How nyow, Thewsites! *looks away* What, wost in the wabywinth of thy +fuwy? Shaww the ewephant Ajax cawwy i-it thus? He beats me, and I +waiw *teleports behind you* at :33 him. uWu O wowthy satisfaction! Wouwd i-it wewe othewwise: that +I couwd beat him, ^.^ whiwst he waiw'd *teleports behind you* at :33 me! 'Sfoot, I-I'ww w-weawn to +*giggles shyly* conjuwe and waise deviws, b-but I-I'ww see some issue of my s-spitefuw +uWu execwations. Then thewe's A-Achiwwes, :3 a wawe enginyeew! I-If Twoy be +nyot taken tiww these t-two undewminye uWu it, the wawws wiww s-stand tiww +they faww of *pokes you* themsewves. uWu O thou g-gweat thundew-dawtew of Owympus, +fowget that thou awt Juv, the king of gods, and, Mewcuwy, wose +aww the sewpentinye c-cwaft of thy caduceus, i-if ye take nyot that +wittwe wittwe *cries* wess-than-wittwe wit f-fwom them that they uWu have! +which showt-awm'd ignyowance itsewf knyows xDD is so abundant scawce, +i-it wiww nyot in ciwcumvention dewivew :3 a xDD fwy f-fwom :3 a spidew without +dwawing theiw m-massy iwons and cutting the web. Aftew this, the +vengeance on the *shuffles closer* whowe c-camp! ow, wathew, the Nyeapowitan +bonye-ache! f-fow t-that, methinks, xDD is the cuwse depending on those +that waw f-fow :3 a pwacket. I *looks away* have said my pwayews; and d-deviw *notices bulge* Envy +say *giggles shyly* 'Amen.' What ho! my Wowd Achiwwes! + +Entew ^w^ PATWOCWUS + +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Who's thewe? Thewsites! *pokes you* Good *notices bulge* Thewsites, come in and +waiw. +THEWSITES. I-If I couwd 'a wememb'wed :3 a giwt countewfeit, thou +w-wouwdst nyot *looks away* have swipp'd out of my contempwation; b-but i-it xDD is nyo +*teleports behind you* mattew; thysewf upon thysewf! The common cuwse of mankind, fowwy +and *cuddles you* ignyowance, be thinye in g-gweat >_> wevenyue! H-Heaven b-bwess thee f-fwom +:3 a tutow, and discipwinye come nyot nyeaw thee! Wet thy bwood be thy +*twerks* diwection tiww thy death. Then i-if she that ways thee out says +thou awt :3 a f-faiw c-cowse, I-I'ww be swown and swown upon't she nyevew +shwouded *sighs* any b-but wazaws. *blushes* Amen. Whewe's A-Achiwwes? +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. *looks away* What, awt thou devout? Wast thou in pwayew? +THEWSITES. Ay, the heavens heaw :33 me! +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. *blushes* Amen. + +Entew ACHIWWES + +ACHIWWES. Who's thewe? +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. *notices bulge* Thewsites, my wowd. +ACHIWWES. Whewe, whewe? O, whewe? Awt thou c-come? Why, my *shuffles closer* cheese, my +digestion, why hast thou nyot sewved thysewf in to my tabwe so +many meaws? Come, w-what's Agamemnyon? +THEWSITES. Thy commandew, Achiwwes. Then t-teww me, Patwocwus, w-what's +A-Achiwwes? +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Thy wowd, Thewsites. Then t-teww me, I pway thee, w-what's +^-^ Thewsites? +THEWSITES. Thy knyowew, Patwocwus. Then t-teww me, Patwocwus, what awt +thou? +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Thou must t-teww that knyowest. +ACHIWWES. O, teww, teww, +THEWSITES. I-I'ww decwinye the *shuffles closer* whowe question. *hugs tightly* Agamemnyon commands +A-Achiwwes; Achiwwes xDD is my wowd; I *giggles shyly* am Patwocwus' *twerks* knyowew; and +Patwocwus xDD is :3 a foow. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. You wascaw! +THEWSITES. Peace, foow! I *looks away* have nyot donye. +ACHIWWES. He xDD is :3 a pwiviweg'd man. P-Pwoceed, Thewsites. +THEWSITES. *hugs tightly* Agamemnyon xDD is :3 a foow; Achiwwes xDD is :3 a foow; *screams* Thewsites xDD is :3 a +foow; and, as afowesaid, Patwocwus xDD is :3 a foow. +ACHIWWES. Dewive this; come. +THEWSITES. *hugs tightly* Agamemnyon xDD is :3 a foow to offew to command A-Achiwwes; +Achiwwes xDD is :3 a foow to be c-commanded of Agamemnyon; *screams* Thewsites xDD is :3 a +foow to sewve *looks at you* such :3 a foow; and this Patwocwus xDD is :3 a foow positive. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Why *giggles shyly* am I :3 a foow? +THEWSITES. M-Make that demand of the Cweatow. It suffices me thou +a-awt. Wook you, who comes hewe? +ACHIWWES. Come, Patwocwus, I-I'ww speak w-with nyobody. Come in w-with me, +Thewsites. E-Exit +THEWSITES. Hewe xDD is *looks at you* such patchewy, *looks at you* such juggwing, and *looks at you* such knyavewy. +A-Aww the awgument xDD is :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe and :3 a cuckowd-a good quawwew to dwaw +emuwous factions and bweed to death upon. Nyow the dwy sewpigo on +the subject, and waw and wechewy confound ÚwÚ aww! E-Exit + +Entew AGAMEMNyON, UWYSSES, N-NyESTOW, DIOMEDES, +AJAX, and *shuffles closer* CAWCHAS + +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Whewe xDD is A-Achiwwes? +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Within his tent; b-but iww-dispos'd, my wowd. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Wet i-it be knyown to him that we awe hewe. +He shent ouw messengews; and we way by +Ouw appewtainyings, visiting of :33 him. +Wet him be towd so; west, pewchance, he think +We dawe nyot muv the q-question of ouw pwace +Ow knyow nyot what we a-awe. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. I shaww say so to :33 him. E-Exit +UWYSSES. We saw him *teleports behind you* at the openying of his tent. +He xDD is nyot sick. +AJAX. Yes, wion-sick, sick of pwoud heawt. You may caww i-it +m-mewanchowy, i-if :33 you wiww favouw the man; but, by my head, 'tis +pwide. But why, *pokes you* why? Wet him show us :3 a cause. A wowd, my wowd. +[Takes AGAMEMNyON *screams* aside] +NyESTOW. What muvs Ajax uWu thus to bay *teleports behind you* at *notices bulge* him? +UWYSSES. Achiwwes hath inveigwed his foow f-fwom :33 him. +N-NyESTOW.Who, ^-^ Thewsites? +UWYSSES. uWu He. +NyESTOW. Then wiww Ajax w-wack mattew, i-if he *looks away* have wost his awgument +UWYSSES. Nyo; :33 you see he xDD is his awgument that has his awgument- +Achiwwes. +NyESTOW. A-Aww the bettew; theiw fwaction xDD is mowe ouw wish than theiw +faction. But i-it w-was :3 a stwong composuwe :3 a foow couwd disunyite! +UWYSSES. The amity that wisdom k-knyits nyot, fowwy may e-easiwy untie. + +We-entew ^w^ PATWOCWUS + +Hewe comes Patwocwus. +NyESTOW. *cuddles you* Nyo Achiwwes w-with :33 him. +UWYSSES. The ewephant hath joints, b-but nyonye f-fow couwtesy; his *hugs tightly* wegs +awe *hugs tightly* wegs f-fow nyecessity, nyot f-fow fwexuwe. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Achiwwes bids me say he xDD is x3 much sowwy +I-If *sighs* any thing mowe than youw OwO spowt and pweasuwe +Did muv youw gweatnyess and this nyobwe state +To caww upon him; he h-hopes i-it xDD is nyo othew +But f-fow youw heawth and youw digestion sake, +An aftew-dinnyew's bweath. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Heaw you, Patwocwus. +We awe too weww acquainted w-with these answews; +But his evasion, wing'd uWu thus swift w-with :33 scown, +Cannyot outfwy ouw appwehensions. +*looks away* Much a-attwibute he hath, and x3 much the weason +Why we a-ascwibe i-it to :33 him. Yet aww his viwtues, +Nyot >_< viwtuouswy on his own pawt behewd, +Do in ouw eyes begin to wose theiw gwoss; +Yea, wike f-faiw fwuit in an unwhowesome dish, +Awe wike to wot untasted. G-Go and t-teww him +We come to speak w-with him; and :33 you shaww nyot sin +I-If :33 you do say we think him uvw-pwoud +:33 And undew-honyest, in sewf-assumption gweatew +Than in the nyote of judgment; and wowthiew than himsewf +Hewe tend the savage s-stwangenyess he puts on, +Disguise the howy stwength of theiw command, +:33 And undewwwite in an o-obsewving kind +His humowous pwedominyance; yea, watch +His pettish *leans over* wunyes, his *looks away* ebbs, his fwows, as i-if +The passage and *shuffles closer* whowe cawwiage of this action +*blushes* Wode on his *cries* tide. G-Go t-teww him this, and ad +That i-if he uvwhowd his p-pwice so x3 much +We'ww nyonye of him, b-but w-wet him, wike an enginye +Nyot powtabwe, wie undew this wepowt: +Bwing action *leans over* hithew; this cannyot go to w-waw. +A stiwwing dwawf we do awwowance give +Befowe :3 a sweeping giant. Teww him so. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. I shaww, and bwing his a-answew p-pwesentwy. E-Exit +OwO AGAMEMNyON. In second voice we'ww nyot be satisfied; +We come to speak w-with :33 him. Uwysses, entew you. +E-Exit UWYSSES +AJAX. What xDD is he mowe than anyothew? +OwO AGAMEMNyON. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe than what he thinks he is. +AJAX. Is he so m-much? Do :33 you nyot think he thinks himsewf :3 a bettew +man than I am? +OwO AGAMEMNyON. *cuddles you* Nyo question. +AJAX. Wiww :33 you subscwibe his thought and say he is? +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Nyo, nyobwe Ajax; :33 you awe as stwong, as vawiant, as wise, +nyo wess n-nyobwe, x3 much mowe gentwe, and awtogethew mowe twactabwe. +AJAX. Why shouwd :3 a man be pwoud? How doth pwide gwow? I knyow nyot +what pwide is. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Youw mind xDD is the cweawew, Ajax, and youw viwtues the +faiwew. He that xDD is pwoud *cuddles you* eats up himsewf. Pwide xDD is his own gwass, +his own twumpet, his own chwonyicwe; and *shuffles closer* whatevew pwaises itsewf +b-but in the d-deed devouws the d-deed in the pwaise. + +We-entew UWYSSES + +AJAX. I do *giggles shyly* hate :3 a pwoud man as I do *giggles shyly* hate the engend'wing of toads. +NyESTOW. [Aside] :33 And y-yet he wuvs himsewf: is't nyot stwange? +UWYSSES. Achiwwes wiww nyot to the fiewd to-mowwow. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. What's his excuse? +UWYSSES. He doth wewy on nyonye; +But cawwies on the stweam of his dispose, +*notices bulge* Without obsewvance ow OwO wespect of any, +In wiww pecuwiaw and in sewf-admission. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Why wiww he nyot, upon ouw f-faiw wequest, +Untent his pewson and shawe the aiw w-with us? +UWYSSES. *hugs tightly* Things smaww as n-nyothing, f-fow wequest's sake onwy, +He makes *teleports behind you* impowtant; possess'd he xDD is w-with gweatnyess, +:33 And speaks nyot to himsewf b-but w-with :3 a pwide +That quawwews *teleports behind you* at sewf-bweath. I-Imagin'd wowth +Howds in his bwood *looks at you* such *looks away* swow'n and *giggles shyly* hot discouwse +That 'twixt his mentaw and his active *looks away* pawts +Kingdom'd Achiwwes in commotion wages, +:33 And battews down himsewf. What shouwd I say? +He xDD is so pwaguy pwoud that the death tokens of i-it +*leans over* Cwy 'Nyo wecuvwy.' +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Wet Ajax go to :33 him. +;;w;; Deaw wowd, go :33 you and gweet him in his tent. +'Tis said he howds :33 you weww; and wiww be wed +At youw wequest :3 a wittwe f-fwom himsewf. +UWYSSES. uWu O A-Agamemnyon, w-wet i-it nyot be so! +We'ww consecwate the steps that Ajax makes +When they go f-fwom Achiwwes. Shaww the pwoud w-wowd +That bastes his *screams* awwogance w-with his own seam +:33 And nyevew suffews m-mattew of the >_> wowwd +Entew his thoughts, save *looks at you* such as doth ^.^ wevowve +:33 And wuminyate himsewf-shaww he be wowshipp'd +Of that we howd an idow mowe than he? +Nyo, this thwice-wowthy and wight *cuddles you* vawiant w-wowd +Shaww nyot so stawe his pawm, nyobwy acquiw'd, +Nyow, by my wiww, assubjugate his mewit, +As ampwy titwed as Achiwwes is, +By going to Achiwwes. +That wewe to enwawd his fat-awweady pwide, +:33 And add mowe coaws to Cancew when he buwns +With entewtainying g-gweat Hypewion. +T-This w-wowd go to him! Jupitew f-fowbid, +:33 And say in thundew 'Achiwwes go to >_< him.' +NyESTOW. [Aside] O, this xDD is weww! He wubs the vein of :33 him. +DIOMEDES. [Aside] :33 And how his siwence d-dwinks up this appwause! +AJAX. I-If I go to him, w-with my awmed fist I-I'ww pash him o'ew the +face. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. O, nyo, :33 you shaww nyot go. +AJAX. An 'a be pwoud w-with me I-I'ww pheeze his pwide. +Wet me go to :33 him. +UWYSSES. Nyot f-fow the wowth that h-hangs upon ouw quawwew. +AJAX. A pawtwy, *teleports behind you* insowent fewwow! +NyESTOW. [Aside] How he descwibes himsewf! +AJAX. *sweats* Can he nyot be sociabwe? +UWYSSES. [Aside] The waven chides bwacknyess. +AJAX. I-I'ww w-wet his *sweats* humouws bwood. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. [Aside] He wiww be the physician that shouwd be the +patient. +AJAX. An aww men wewe :3 a my mind- +UWYSSES. [Aside] ^-^ Wit wouwd be out of fashion. +AJAX. :33 'A shouwd nyot *hugs tightly* beaw i-it s-so, 'a shouwd eat's wowds fiwst. +Shaww pwide cawwy it? +NyESTOW. [Aside] An 'twouwd, you'd cawwy hawf. +UWYSSES. [Aside] :33 'A wouwd *looks away* have ten shawes. +AJAX. I wiww knyead him, I-I'ww m-make him *cuddles you* suppwe. +NyESTOW. [Aside] He's nyot y-yet thwough wawm. Fowce him w-with pwaises; +pouw in, pouw i-in; his ambition xDD is dwy. +UWYSSES. [To AGAMEMNyON] My wowd, :33 you feed too x3 much on this diswike. +NyESTOW. Ouw nyobwe genyewaw, do nyot do so. +DIOMEDES. You must pwepawe to fight without Achiwwes. +UWYSSES. Why 'tis this n-nyaming of him does him hawm. +Hewe xDD is :3 a man-but 'tis befowe his face; +I wiww be siwent. +NyESTOW. Whewefowe shouwd :33 you so? +He xDD is nyot emuwous, as Achiwwes is. +UWYSSES. K-Knyow the *shuffles closer* whowe wowwd, he xDD is as vawiant. +AJAX. A whoweson dog, that shaww pawtew w-with us t-thus! +Wouwd he wewe :3 a Twoyan! +NyESTOW. What :3 a v-vice wewe i-it in Ajax nyow- +UWYSSES. I-If he wewe pwoud. +DIOMEDES. Ow uWu cuvtous of pwaise. +UWYSSES. Ay, ow s-suwwy bownye. +DIOMEDES. Ow stwange, ow sewf-affected. +UWYSSES. Thank the heavens, wowd, thou awt of sweet composuwe +Pwaise him that gat thee, she that gave thee suck; +*hugs tightly* Fam'd be thy tutow, and thy *looks away* pawts of nyatuwe +Thwice-fam'd *cries* beyond, beyond aww :33 ewudition; +But he that discipwin'd thinye awms to fight- +Wet Maws divide e-etewnyity in twain +:33 And give him hawf; and, f-fow thy vigouw, +Buww-beawing Miwo his addition y-yiewd +To ^-^ sinyewy Ajax. I wiww nyot pwaise thy wisdom, +W-Which, wike :3 a b-bouwn, :3 a pawe, :3 a showe, confinyes +Thy spacious and diwated pawts. Hewe's >_> Nyestow, +Instwucted by the antiquawy x3 times- +He must, he is, he cannyot b-but be wise; +But pawdon, fathew >_> Nyestow, wewe youw days +As gween as Ajax' and youw UwU bwain so tempew'd, +You shouwd nyot *looks away* have the eminyence of him, +But be as Ajax. +AJAX. Shaww I caww :33 you fathew? +NyESTOW. Ay, my good son. +DIOMEDES. Be ;;w;; wuw'd by him, Wowd Ajax. +UWYSSES. Thewe xDD is nyo tawwying hewe; the hawt Achiwwes +Keeps thicket. Pwease i-it ouw g-gweat genyewaw +To caww >_> togethew aww his state of waw; +Fwesh kings awe come to *pokes you* Twoy. To-mowwow +We must w-with aww ouw main of p-powew s-stand fast; +:33 And ^-^ hewe's :3 a wowd-come knyights f-fwom east to west +:33 And cuww theiw fwowew, Ajax shaww cope the best. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. G-Go we to counciw. Wet Achiwwes *moans* sweep. +Wight boats s-saiw *screams* swift, t-though gweatew huwks dwaw deep. +Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 1. +*pokes you* Twoy. PWIAM'S pawace + +Music sounds within. Entew PANDAWUS and :3 a SEWVANT + +PANDAWUS. *giggles shyly* Fwiend, you-pway you, :3 a wowd. Do :33 you nyot fowwow the young +Wowd Pawis? +SEWVANT. Ay, siw, when he goes befowe me. +PANDAWUS. You d-depend upon him, I m-mean? +SEWVANT. Siw, I do d-depend upon the wowd. +PANDAWUS. You d-depend upon :3 a nyotabwe gentweman; I must nyeeds pwaise +:33 him. +SEWVANT. The w-wowd be pwaised! +PANDAWUS. You knyow me, do :33 you UwU nyot? +SEWVANT. *moans* Faith, siw, supewficiawwy. +PANDAWUS. *giggles shyly* Fwiend, knyow me bettew: I *giggles shyly* am the Wowd >_< Pandawus. +SEWVANT. I hope I shaww knyow youw honyouw bettew. +PANDAWUS. I do UwU desiwe *hugs tightly* it. +SEWVANT. You awe in the state of *moans* gwace. +PANDAWUS. Gwace! Nyot s-so, fwiend; honyouw and wowdship awe my titwes. +What *pokes you* music xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +SEWVANT. I do b-but pawtwy knyow, *teleports behind you* siw; i-it xDD is *pokes you* music in pawts. +PANDAWUS. K-Knyow :33 you the *twerks* musicians? +SEWVANT. Whowwy, siw. +PANDAWUS. Who pway they t-to? +SEWVANT. To the heawews, siw. +PANDAWUS. At *screams* whose pweasuwe, fwiend? +SEWVANT. At minye, siw, and theiws that wuv *pokes you* music. +PANDAWUS. Command, I mean, fwiend. +SEWVANT. Who shaww I command, siw? +PANDAWUS. *giggles shyly* Fwiend, we undewstand nyot onye anyothew: I *giggles shyly* am to couwtwy, +and thou awt too :3 cunnying. At *screams* whose wequest do these men pway? +SEWVANT. That's to't, i-indeed, siw. Mawwy, siw, *teleports behind you* at the wequest of +*cuddles you* Pawis my wowd, who xDD is thewe in pewson; w-with him the mowtaw Venyus, +the heawt-bwood of beauty, wuv's invisibwe souw- +PANDAWUS. Who, my cousin, C-Cwessida? +SEWVANT. Nyo, siw, Hewen. Couwd nyot :33 you find out that by hew +attwibutes? +PANDAWUS. It shouwd s-seem, fewwow, that thou hast nyot :33 seen the Wady +Cwessida. I come to speak w-with *cuddles you* Pawis f-fwom the Pwince Twoiwus; I +wiww m-make :3 a compwimentaw uWu assauwt upon him, f-fow my businyess +seethes. +SEWVANT. Sodden businyess! T-Thewe's :3 a stew'd >w< phwase indeed! + +Entew PAWIS and H-HEWEN, *giggles shyly* attended + +PANDAWUS. Faiw be to you, my wowd, and to aww this f-faiw company! +Faiw desiwes, in aww f-faiw measuwe, faiwwy guide them- especiawwy +to you, f-faiw queen! Faiw thoughts be youw f-faiw p-piwwow. +HEWEN. ;;w;; Deaw wowd, :33 you awe fuww of f-faiw wowds. +PANDAWUS. You speak youw f-faiw pweasuwe, sweet queen. Faiw OwO pwince, +hewe xDD is good bwoken *pokes you* music. +*twerks* PAWIS. You *looks away* have bwoke uWu it, cousin; and by my wife, :33 you shaww m-make i-it +*shuffles closer* whowe again; :33 you shaww piece i-it out w-with :3 a piece of youw +p-pewfowmance. +HEWEN. He xDD is fuww of hawmony. +PANDAWUS. Twuwy, wady, nyo. +HEWEN. O, >_> siw- +PANDAWUS. Wude, in sooth; in good sooth, vewy wude. +*twerks* PAWIS. Weww said, my wowd. Weww, :33 you say so in fits. +PANDAWUS. I *looks away* have businyess to my wowd, deaw queen. My wowd, wiww :33 you +vouchsafe me :3 a wowd? +HEWEN. Nyay, this shaww nyot hedge us out. We'ww heaw :33 you sing, +c-cewtainwy- +PANDAWUS. Weww sweet queen, :33 you awe pweasant w-with me. But, mawwy, +thus, my wowd: my deaw w-wowd and m-most esteemed fwiend, youw +bwothew Twoiwus- +HEWEN. My Wowd Pandawus, honyey-sweet wowd- +PANDAWUS. G-Go to, sweet queen, go to-commends himsewf m-most +affectionyatewy to you- +HEWEN. You shaww nyot bob us out of ouw mewody. I-If :33 you do, ouw +mewanchowy upon youw head! +PANDAWUS. Sweet queen, sweet queen; that's :3 a sweet queen, i' faith. +HEWEN. :33 And to m-make :3 a sweet wady s-sad xDD is :3 a :33 souw offence. +PANDAWUS. Nyay, that shaww nyot sewve youw tuwn; that shaww i-it nyot, +in twuth, wa. Nyay, I cawe nyot f-fow *looks at you* such wowds; nyo, nyo. -And, my +wowd, he desiwes :33 you t-that, i-if the King caww f-fow him *teleports behind you* at suppew, +:33 you wiww m-make his excuse. +HEWEN. My Wowd Pandawus! +PANDAWUS. What says my sweet queen, my vewy vewy sweet queen? +*twerks* PAWIS. What ;;w;; expwoit's in hand? Whewe sups he to-nyight? +HEWEN. Nyay, but, my wowd- +PANDAWUS. What says my sweet queen?-My cousin wiww faww out w-with +you. +HEWEN. You must nyot knyow whewe he *cuddles you* sups. +*twerks* PAWIS. I-I'ww way my wife, w-with my ÚwÚ disposew Cwessida. +PANDAWUS. Nyo, nyo, nyo *looks at you* such *teleports behind you* mattew; :33 you awe wide. Come, youw ÚwÚ disposew +xDD is sick. +*twerks* PAWIS. Weww, I-I'ww make's excuse. +PANDAWUS. Ay, good my wowd. Why shouwd :33 you say C-Cwessida? +Nyo, youw poow disposew's sick. +*twerks* PAWIS. I spy. +PANDAWUS. You spy! What do :33 you spy?-Come, give me an :33 instwument. +Nyow, sweet queen. +HEWEN. Why, this xDD is kindwy donye. +PANDAWUS. My nyiece xDD is howwibwy in wuv w-with :3 a thing :33 you have, sweet +queen. +HEWEN. ^.^ She shaww *looks away* have uWu it, my wowd, i-if i-it be nyot my Wowd Pawis. +PANDAWUS. He! Nyo, s-she'ww nyonye of him; they t-two awe t-twain. +HEWEN. *cries* Fawwing in, *looks away* aftew fawwing out, may m-make them thwee. +PANDAWUS. Come, come. I-I'ww heaw nyo mowe of this; I-I'ww sing :33 you :3 a +song nyow. +HEWEN. Ay, ^.^ ay, pwithee nyow. By my twoth, sweet wowd, thou hast :3 a +*screams* finye f-fowehead. +PANDAWUS. Ay, :33 you may, :33 you may. +HEWEN. Wet thy song be wuv. T-This wuv wiww u-undo us aww. uWu O Cupid, +Cupid, ^.^ Cupid! +PANDAWUS. Wuv! Ay, that i-it shaww, i' faith. +*twerks* PAWIS. Ay, good nyow, OwO wuv, OwO wuv, nyothing b-but wuv. +PANDAWUS. In good twoth, i-it b-begins so. [Sings] + +Wuv, OwO wuv, nyothing b-but OwO wuv, ^-^ stiww OwO wuv, ^-^ stiww mowe! +Fow, oh, wuv's bow +S-Shoots buck and d-doe; +The shaft confounds +Nyot that i-it wounds, +But tickwes ^-^ stiww the sowe. +These wuvws cwy, uWu O ho, they *sweats* die! +Yet that which seems the wound to kiww +Doth t-tuwn uWu O ho! to ha! ha! he! +S-So dying wuv xDD wives s-stiww. +uWu O ho! :3 a whiwe, b-but ha! ha! ha! +uWu O ho! gwoans out f-fow ha! ha! ha!-hey ho! + +HEWEN. In OwO wuv, i' faith, to the vewy tip of the nyose. +*twerks* PAWIS. He *cuddles you* eats nyothing b-but duvs, wuv; and that bweeds *giggles shyly* hot bwood, +and *giggles shyly* hot bwood begets *giggles shyly* hot thoughts, and *giggles shyly* hot thoughts b-beget *giggles shyly* hot +^-^ deeds, and *giggles shyly* hot d-deeds xDD is wuv. +PANDAWUS. Is this the g-genyewation of wuv: *giggles shyly* hot bwood, *giggles shyly* hot thoughts, +and *giggles shyly* hot deeds? Why, they awe vipews. Is wuv :3 a g-genyewation of +vipews? Sweet wowd, who's a-fiewd today? +*twerks* PAWIS. Hectow, Deiphobus, H-Hewenyus, Antenyow, and aww the gawwantwy +of *pokes you* Twoy. I wouwd f-fain *looks away* have awm'd to-day, b-but my *cries* Nyeww wouwd nyot +*looks away* have i-it so. How chance my bwothew Twoiwus went UwU nyot? +HEWEN. He h-hangs the wip *teleports behind you* at something. You knyow aww, Wowd >_< Pandawus. +PANDAWUS. Nyot I, honyey-sweet queen. I wong to heaw how they spend +to-day. You'ww w-wemembew youw *cuddles you* bwothew's excuse? +*twerks* PAWIS. To :3 a ^-^ haiw. +PANDAWUS. Faweweww, sweet queen. +HEWEN. Commend me to youw nyiece. +PANDAWUS. I wiww, sweet queen. Exit. *blushes* Sound :3 a wetweat +*twerks* PAWIS. They'we come f-fwom the fiewd. Wet us to *twerks* Pwiam's haww +To gweet the wawwiows. Sweet Hewen, I must woo :33 you +To h-hewp u-unyawm ouw Hectow. His *sweats* stubbown buckwes, +With these youw white enchanting fingews touch'd, +Shaww mowe >_> obey than to the edge of steew +Ow fowce of Gweekish sinyews; :33 you shaww do mowe +Than aww the iswand k-kings-disawm g-gweat Hectow. +HEWEN. 'Twiww m-make us pwoud to be his sewvant, Pawis; +Yea, what he shaww weceive of us in duty +Gives us mowe pawm in beauty than we have, +Yea, uvwshinyes ouwsewf. +*twerks* PAWIS. Sweet, abuv thought I wuv *cuddles you* thee. Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 2. +*pokes you* Twoy. PANDAWUS' :33 owchawd + +Entew PANDAWUS and TWOIWUS' BOY, m-meeting + +PANDAWUS. How *giggles shyly* nyow! Whewe's thy mastew? At my cousin >w< Cwessida's? +*teleports behind you* BOY. Nyo, *teleports behind you* siw; he stays f-fow :33 you to conduct him thithew. + +Entew x3 TWOIWUS + +PANDAWUS. O, hewe he comes. How nyow, how *giggles shyly* nyow! +TWOIWUS. Siwwah, wawk off. E-Exit Boy +PANDAWUS. Have :33 you :33 seen my cousin? +TWOIWUS. Nyo, >_< Pandawus. I stawk ^w^ about hew *hugs tightly* doow +Wike :3 a s-stwange :33 souw upon the Stygian >_> banks +>w< Staying f-fow waftage. O, be thou my Chawon, +:33 And give me swift twanspowtance to these fiewds +Whewe I may wawwow in the wiwy beds +Pwopos'd f-fow the desewvew! uWu O gentwe Pandaw, +Fwom Cupid's s-shouwdew pwuck his painted wings, +:33 And xDD fwy w-with me to Cwessid! +PANDAWUS. Wawk hewe i' *sighs* th' owchawd, I-I'ww bwing hew stwaight. +E-Exit +TWOIWUS. I *giggles shyly* am giddy; e-expectation whiwws me *giggles shyly* wound. +T-Th' imaginyawy w-wewish xDD is so sweet +That i-it e-enchants my sense; what wiww i-it be +When that the w-wat'wy pawate tastes indeed +Wuv's thwice-wepuwed nyectaw? *looks away* Death, I feaw me; +S-Swoonying destwuction; ow some joy too finye, +>w< Too subtwe-potent, tun'd too shawp in sweetnyess, +Fow the capacity of my wudew powews. +I feaw i-it much; and I do feaw besides +That I shaww wose d-distinction in my joys; +As doth :3 a battwe, when they c-chawge on heaps +The enyemy :33 fwying. + +We-entew PANDAWUS + +PANDAWUS. She's x3 making hew weady, s-she'ww come stwaight; :33 you must be +witty nyow. ^.^ She does so bwush, and f-fetches hew *cuddles you* wind so *pokes you* showt, as +i-if she wewe fway'd w-with :3 a spwite. I-I'ww fetch hew. It xDD is the +*looks at you* pwettiest viwwain; she f-fetches hew bweath as showt as :3 a nyew-ta'en +spawwow. E-Exit +TWOIWUS. Even *looks at you* such :3 a passion doth embwace my b-bosom. +My h-heawt beats thickew than :3 a *leans over* fevewous p-puwse, +:33 And aww my p-powews do theiw bestowing wose, +Wike vassawage *teleports behind you* at unyawawes encount'wing +The ^-^ eye of majesty. + +We-entew PANDAWUS With *leans over* CWESSIDA + +PANDAWUS. Come, *giggles shyly* come, what nyeed :33 you *notices bulge* bwush? Shame's :3 a baby.-Hewe she +xDD is nyow; sweaw the oaths *pokes you* nyow to hew that :33 you *looks away* have swown to me.- +*looks away* What, awe :33 you gonye again? You must be watch'd ewe :33 you be xDD made +t-tame, must you? Come youw ways, come youw ways; an :33 you dwaw +backwawd, we'ww put :33 you i' *sighs* th' fiwws.-Why do :33 you nyot speak to +hew?-Come, dwaw this cuwtain and wet's see youw pictuwe. +Awas the :3 day, how woath :33 you awe to offend daywight! An '-'twewe +dawk, you'd cwose soonyew. S-So, so; wub on, and kiss the mistwess +How nyow, :3 a kiss in f-fee-fawm! Buiwd thewe, cawpentew; the aiw xDD is +sweet. Nyay, :33 you shaww fight youw heawts out ewe I pawt you. The +fawcon as the tewcew, f-fow aww the ducks i' *sighs* th' OwO wivew. G-Go to, go +to. +TWOIWUS. You *looks away* have beweft me of aww w-wowds, :33 wady. +PANDAWUS. Wowds pay nyo debts, give hew deeds; b-but s-she'ww beweave +:33 you o' *sighs* th' d-deeds too, i-if she caww youw activity in question. +*looks away* What, biwwing again? Hewe's 'In witnyess wheweof the pawties +intewchangeabwy.' Come in, come i-in; I-I'ww go get :3 a fiwe. +E-Exit +CWESSIDA. Wiww :33 you wawk in, my wowd? +TWOIWUS. uWu O Cwessid, how often *looks away* have I wish'd me t-thus! +CWESSIDA. W-Wish'd, my wowd! The g-gods g-gwant-O my wowd! +TWOIWUS. What shouwd they gwant? What makes this pwetty a-abwuption? +What too cuwious dweg espies my sweet wady in the fountain of ouw +w-wuv? +CWESSIDA. Mowe *sighs* dwegs than watew, i-if my feaws *looks away* have eyes. +TWOIWUS. Feaws m-make deviws of c-chewubims; they nyevew see twuwy. +CWESSIDA. Bwind f-feaw, that seeing weason weads, finds safew footing +than bwind weason *screams* stumbwing without feaw. To feaw the wowst oft +cuwes the w-wowse. +TWOIWUS. O, w-wet my wady appwehend nyo feaw! In aww Cupid's pageant +thewe xDD is pwesented nyo monstew. +CWESSIDA. Nyow nyothing monstwous nyeithew? +TWOIWUS. Nyothing, b-but ouw undewtakings when we vow to weep seas, +wive in f-fiwe, cat wocks, *moans* tame ;;w;; tigews; thinking i-it hawdew f-fow ouw +mistwess to devise imposition enyough than f-fow us to undewgo *sighs* any +difficuwty imposed. T-This xDD is the *twerks* monstwuosity in OwO wuv, wady, that +the wiww xDD is infinyite, and the execution confin'd; that the UwU desiwe +xDD is boundwess, and the a-act :3 a swave to wimit. +CWESSIDA. They say aww wuvws sweaw mowe pewfowmance than they awe +abwe, and y-yet *sighs* wesewve an abiwity that they nyevew pewfowm; vowing +mowe than the pewfection of ten, and dischawging wess than the +tenth pawt of onye. They that *looks away* have the voice of wions and the a-act +of hawes, awe they nyot monstews? +TWOIWUS. Awe thewe such? Such awe nyot we. Pwaise us as we awe +tasted, awwow us as we pwuv; ouw head shaww go bawe tiww *blushes* mewit +cwown *hugs tightly* it. *cuddles you* Nyo pewfection in wevewsion shaww *looks away* have :3 a pwaise in +pwesent. We wiww nyot *leans over* nyame desewt befowe his biwth; and, b-being +bown, his addition shaww be humbwe. Few wowds to f-faiw faith: +Twoiwus shaww be *looks at you* such to Cwessid as what envy can say wowst shaww +be :3 a m-mock f-fow his *leans over* twuth; and what *looks away* twuth can speak twuest nyot +:33 twuew than Twoiwus. +CWESSIDA. Wiww :33 you wawk in, my wowd? + +We-entew PANDAWUS + +PANDAWUS. *looks away* What, bwushing stiww? Have :33 you nyot d-donye tawking yet? +CWESSIDA. Weww, uncwe, what fowwy I commit, I dedicate to you. +PANDAWUS. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow *teleports behind you* that; i-if my w-wowd get :3 a boy of you, ^-^ you'ww +give him me. Be twue to my wowd; i-if he *cries* fwinch, chide me f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +TWOIWUS. You knyow *pokes you* nyow youw *teleports behind you* hostages: youw u-uncwe's w-wowd and my fiwm +faith. +PANDAWUS. Nyay, I-I'ww give my w-wowd f-fow hew t-too: ouw k-kindwed, t-though +they be wong ewe they awe wooed, they awe *hugs tightly* constant b-being won; +they awe *blushes* buws, I can t-teww y-you; they'ww stick whewe they awe +thwown. +CWESSIDA. Bowdnyess comes to me *pokes you* nyow and bwings me heawt. +Pwince Twoiwus, I *looks away* have wov'd :33 you nyight and day +Fow many weawy months. +TWOIWUS. Why w-was my Cwessid then so hawd to *moans* win? +CWESSIDA. Hawd to *teleports behind you* seem won; b-but I w-was won, my wowd, +With the fiwst gwance that *leans over* evew-pawdon me. +I-If I confess much, :33 you wiww pway the tywant. +I wuv :33 you nyow; b-but tiww *pokes you* nyow nyot so x3 much +But I might mastew *hugs tightly* it. In faith, I :33 wie; +My thoughts wewe wike unbwidwed chiwdwen, gwown +>w< Too :33 headstwong f-fow theiw mothew. S-See, we foows! +Why *looks away* have I bwabb'd? Who shaww be twue to u-us, +When we awe so unsecwet to ouwsewves? +But, t-though I wov'd :33 you weww, I woo'd :33 you nyot; +:33 And yet, good faith, I wish'd mysewf :3 a man, +Ow that we women had men's pwiviwege +Of speaking fiwst. Sweet, *giggles shyly* bid me howd my t-tongue, +Fow in this waptuwe I shaww suwewy speak +The thing I shaww wepent. S-See, s-see, youw :3 siwence, +*leans over* Cunnying in dumbnyess, f-fwom my weaknyess dwaws +My vewy :33 souw of counsew. Stop my mouth. +TWOIWUS. :33 And shaww, awbeit sweet *pokes you* music issues thence. +PANDAWUS. Pwetty, i' faith. +CWESSIDA. My wowd, I do b-beseech you, pawdon me; +'-'Twas nyot my puwpose uWu thus to beg :3 a kiss. +I *giggles shyly* am *teleports behind you* asham'd. uWu O heavens! what *looks away* have I donye? +Fow this ;;w;; time wiww I take my weave, my wowd. +TWOIWUS. Youw weave, sweet Cwessid! +PANDAWUS. Weave! An :33 you take weave tiww to-mowwow mownying- +CWESSIDA. :33 Pway you, *notices bulge* content you. +TWOIWUS. What offends you, >w< wady? +CWESSIDA. Siw, minye own company. +TWOIWUS. You cannyot shun *sweats* youwsewf. +CWESSIDA. Wet me go and twy. +I *looks away* have :3 a kind of sewf wesides w-with y-you; +But an unkind sewf, that itsewf wiww weave +To be anyothew's foow. I wouwd be gonye. +Whewe xDD is my wit? I knyow nyot what I speak. +TWOIWUS. Weww knyow they what they speak that speak so wisewy. +CWESSIDA. *moans* Pewchance, my wowd, I show mowe c-cwaft than wuv; +:33 And *looks away* feww so woundwy to :3 a wawge confession +To *sweats* angwe f-fow youw t-thoughts; b-but :33 you awe wise- +Ow ewse :33 you wuv nyot; f-fow to be wise and wuv +E-Exceeds man's might; that *moans* dwewws w-with g-gods abuv. +TWOIWUS. uWu O that I thought i-it couwd be in :3 a woman- +As, i-if i-it can, I wiww p-pwesume in you- +To feed f-fow aye hew wamp and fwames of wuv; +To keep hew constancy in pwight and y-youth, +*twerks* Outwiving ;;w;; beauty's :3 outwawd, w-with :3 a mind +That doth wenyew swiftew than bwood decays! +Ow that pewsuasion couwd b-but uWu thus convince me +That my integwity and *looks away* twuth to :33 you +M-Might be affwonted w-with the match and weight +Of *looks at you* such :3 a winnyowed puwity in wuv. +How wewe I then upwifted! but, awas, +I *giggles shyly* am as twue as twuth's simpwicity, +:33 And ÚwÚ simpwew than the infancy of twuth. +CWESSIDA. In that I-I'ww waw w-with you. +TWOIWUS. uWu O viwtuous *notices bulge* fight, +When wight w-with wight waws who shaww be m-most wight! +Twue swains in wuv shaww in the >_> wowwd to come +Appwuv theiw *looks away* twuth by Twoiwus, when theiw w-whymes, +*sighs* Fuww of pwotest, of o-oath, and big compawe, +Want s-simiwes, *looks away* twuth tiw'd w-with *blushes* itewation- +As twue as s-steew, as pwantage to the moon, +As sun to :3 day, as t-tuwtwe to hew *sweats* mate, +As iwon to adamant, as eawth to *sighs* th' centwe- +Yet, *looks away* aftew aww compawisons of twuth, +As twuth's ^-^ authentic authow to be cited, +'As twue as Twoiwus' shaww cwown up the vewse +:33 And s-sanctify the nyumbews. +CWESSIDA. Pwophet may :33 you be! +I-If I be fawse, ow :3 swewve :3 a x3 haiw f-fwom twuth, +When ;;w;; time xDD is *giggles shyly* owd and hath fowgot itsewf, +When watewdwops *looks away* have wown the *pokes you* stonyes of T-Twoy, +:33 And bwind obwivion swawwow'd *looks at you* cities up, +:33 And >w< mighty states :3 chawactewwess awe g-gwated +To dusty nyothing-yet w-wet memowy +Fwom fawse to fawse, among fawse maids in OwO wuv, +Upbwaid my fawsehood when *sighs* th' *looks away* have said 'As fawse +As aiw, as watew, wind, ow :3 sandy *shuffles closer* eawth, +As fox to wamb, ow wowf to heifew's cawf, +P-Pawd to the hind, ow stepdame to hew son'- +Yea, w-wet them say, to stick the h-heawt of *screams* fawsehood, +'As fawse as C-Cwessid.' +PANDAWUS. G-Go to, :3 a bawgain made; seaw uWu it, seaw it; I-I'ww be the +>w< witnyess. Hewe I howd youw *sighs* hand; hewe my cousin's. I-If evew :33 you +pwuv fawse onye to anyothew, since I *looks away* have taken *looks at you* such pains to +bwing :33 you togethew, w-wet aww pitifuw goews- between be caww'd to +the wowwd's e-end *looks away* aftew my nyame-caww them aww P-Pandaws; w-wet aww +*hugs tightly* constant men be Twoiwuses, aww fawse women Cwessids, and aww +*giggles shyly* bwokews between Pandaws. ÚwÚ Say *giggles shyly* 'Amen.' +TWOIWUS. *blushes* Amen. +CWESSIDA. *blushes* Amen. +PANDAWUS. *blushes* Amen. Wheweupon I wiww show :33 you :3 a chambew +and :3 a bed; which *teleports behind you* bed, because i-it shaww nyot speak of youw +pwetty encountews, pwess i-it to death. A-Away! +:33 And Cupid gwant aww tongue-tied maidens hewe, +Bed, *cries* chambew, pandew, to pwovide this *looks away* geaw! Exeunt + + + + +ACT III. SCENyE 3. +The G-Gweek camp + +Fwouwish. Entew AGAMEMNyON, UWYSSES, DIOMEDES, N-NyESTOW, AJAX, MENyEWAUS, +and *shuffles closer* CAWCHAS + +CAWCHAS. Nyow, P-Pwinces, f-fow the >_> sewvice I *looks away* have donye, +T-Th' advantage of the ;;w;; time pwompts me awoud +To caww f-fow wecompense. *notices bulge* Appeaw i-it to youw mind +That, thwough the sight I *hugs tightly* beaw in *moans* things to *giggles shyly* come, +I *looks away* have abandon'd T-Twoy, weft my possession, +Incuww'd :3 a twaitow's nyame, expos'd mysewf +Fwom cewtain and possess'd *sighs* convenyiences +To doubtfuw fowtunyes, sequest'wing f-fwom me aww +That time, acquaintance, custom, and >_< condition, +Made *moans* tame and m-most famiwiaw to my nyatuwe; +:33 And hewe, to do :33 you sewvice, *giggles shyly* am become +As nyew into the wowwd, stwange, ÚwÚ unyacquainted- +I do b-beseech you, as in way of taste, +To give me *pokes you* nyow :3 a wittwe benyefit +Out of those many wegist'wed in pwomise, +Which :33 you say wive to come in my behawf. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. What w-wouwdst thou of u-us, Twoyan? M-Make *looks away* demand. +CAWCHAS. You *looks away* have :3 a Twoyan *cries* pwisonyew caww'd Antenyow, +Yestewday t-took; Twoy howds him vewy deaw. +Oft *looks away* have you-often *looks away* have :33 you t-thanks thewefowe- +D-Desiw'd my Cwessid in wight g-gweat exchange, +*leans over* Whom Twoy hath ^-^ stiww denyied; b-but this Antenyow, +I knyow, xDD is *looks at you* such :3 a wwest in theiw affaiws +That theiw n-nyegotiations aww must swack +Wanting his m-manyage; and they wiww awmost +Give us :3 a pwince of bwood, :3 a son of Pwiam, +In change of :33 him. Wet him be sent, g-gweat P-Pwinces, +:33 And he shaww buy my daughtew; and hew pwesence +Shaww quite stwike off aww >_> sewvice I *looks away* have d-donye +In m-most *teleports behind you* accepted pain. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Wet Diomedes *hugs tightly* beaw him, +:33 And bwing us Cwessid hithew. Cawchas shaww *looks away* have +What he *notices bulge* wequests of us. *pokes you* Good Diomed, +F-Fuwnyish :33 you faiwwy f-fow this intewchange; +Withaw, bwing w-wowd i-if Hectow wiww to-mowwow +Be answew'd in his chawwenge. Ajax xDD is weady. +DIOMEDES. T-This shaww I undewtake; and 'tis :3 a b-buwden +Which I *giggles shyly* am pwoud to beaw. +Exeunt DIOMEDES and *shuffles closer* CAWCHAS + +ACHIWWES and ^w^ PATWOCWUS s-stand in theiw tent + +UWYSSES. Achiwwes *moans* stands i' *sighs* th' :3 entwance of his tent. +Pwease i-it ouw genyewaw pass stwangewy by him, +As i-if he wewe fowgot; and, Pwinces aww, +*giggles shyly* Way *twerks* nyegwigent and woose wegawd upon :33 him. +I wiww come *looks away* wast. 'Tis wike he'ww q-question me +Why *looks at you* such unpwausive eyes awe bent, why tuwn'd on *notices bulge* him? +I-If s-so, I *looks away* have d-dewision med'cinyabwe +To use between youw s-stwangenyess and his pwide, +Which his own wiww shaww *looks away* have UwU desiwe to d-dwink. +It may do good. Pwide hath nyo othew *cuddles you* gwass +To show itsewf b-but pwide; f-fow suppwe knyees +OwO Feed *screams* awwogance and awe the pwoud man's fees. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. We'ww execute youw puwpose, and put on +A fowm of s-stwangenyess as we pass awong. +S-So do each wowd; and eithew gweet him nyot, +Ow ewse *looks at you* disdainfuwwy, which shaww shake him mowe +Than i-if nyot w-wook'd on. I wiww wead the w-way. +ACHIWWES. What comes the genyewaw to speak w-with m-me? +You knyow my *blushes* mind. I-I'ww fight nyo mowe '-'gainst *pokes you* Twoy. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. What says A-Achiwwes? Wouwd he a-aught w-with us? +NyESTOW. Wouwd you, my wowd, a-aught w-with the genyewaw? +ACHIWWES. Nyo. +NyESTOW. Nyothing, my wowd. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. The bettew. +Exeunt AGAMEMNyON and NyESTOW +ACHIWWES. *pokes you* Good :3 day, good *sweats* day. +M-MENyEWAUS. How do you? How do you? E-Exit +ACHIWWES. *looks away* What, does the cuckowd scown m-me? +AJAX. How nyow, *blushes* Patwocwus? +ACHIWWES. *pokes you* Good mowwow, Ajax. +AJAX. H-Ha? +ACHIWWES. *pokes you* Good mowwow. +AJAX. Ay, and good nyext day too. E-Exit +ACHIWWES. What m-mean these fewwows? K-Knyow they nyot A-Achiwwes? +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. They pass by stwangewy. They wewe us'd to bend, +To s-send theiw smiwes befowe them to A-Achiwwes, +To come as humbwy as they us'd to cweep +To howy awtaws. +ACHIWWES. *looks away* What, *giggles shyly* am I poow of wate? +'Tis c-cewtain, gweatnyess, *screams* once faww'n out w-with *pokes you* fowtunye, +Must faww out w-with men too. What the decwin'd is, +He shaww as soon wead in the eyes of othews +As feew in his own faww; f-fow men, wike buttewfwies, +Show nyot theiw ÚwÚ meawy wings b-but to the summew; +:33 And nyot :3 a man f-fow b-being simpwy man +Hath *sighs* any honyouw, b-but honyouw f-fow those honyouws +That awe without him, as pwace, w-wiches, and favouw, +Pwizes of accident, as oft as mewit; +Which when they faww, as b-being s-swippewy standews, +The wuv that wean'd on them as s-swippewy too, +Doth onye pwuck down anyothew, and >_> togethew +Die in the f-faww. But 'tis nyot so w-with me: +Fowtunye and I awe fwiends; I do e-enjoy +At ampwe point aww that I did possess +Save these men's wooks; who do, methinks, find out +Something nyot wowth in me *looks at you* such wich behowding +As they *looks away* have often given. Hewe xDD is *looks at you* Uwysses. +I-I'ww intewwupt his weading. +How nyow, Uwysses! +UWYSSES. Nyow, g-gweat Thetis' son! +ACHIWWES. What awe :33 you w-weading? +UWYSSES. A s-stwange fewwow hewe +Wwites me that >_< man-how deawwy evew pawted, +How x3 much in having, ow without ow in- +Cannyot m-make boast to *looks away* have that which he hath, +Nyow feews nyot what he owes, b-but by wefwection; +As when his viwtues s-shinying upon othews +Heat them, and they wetowt that heat a-again +To the fiwst *notices bulge* givew. +ACHIWWES. T-This xDD is nyot stwange, *looks at you* Uwysses. +The beauty that xDD is bownye hewe in the face +The xDD beawew knyows nyot, b-but commends itsewf +To o-othews' eyes; *pokes you* nyow doth the ^-^ eye itsewf- +That m-most puwe spiwit of sense-behowd itsewf, +Nyot going f-fwom itsewf; b-but ^-^ eye to ^-^ eye opposed +Sawutes each othew w-with each othew's fowm; +Fow specuwation t-tuwns nyot to itsewf +Tiww i-it hath twaveww'd, and xDD is miwwow'd thewe +Whewe i-it may see i-itsewf. T-This xDD is nyot s-stwange *teleports behind you* at aww. +UWYSSES. I do nyot stwain *teleports behind you* at the position- +It xDD is f-famiwiaw-but *teleports behind you* at the authow's dwift; +Who, in his ciwcumstance, expwesswy pwuvs +That nyo man xDD is the w-wowd of anything, +*shuffles closer* Though in and of him thewe be x3 much consisting, +Tiww he *notices bulge* communyicate his *looks away* pawts to othews; +Nyow doth he of himsewf knyow them f-fow a-aught +Tiww he behowd them *pokes you* fowmed in *sighs* th' appwause +Whewe *sighs* th' awe uWu extended; w-who, wike an awch, wevewb'wate +The voice again; ow, wike :3 a gate of steew +Fwonting the *looks at you* sun, weceives and wendews back +His figuwe and his *sighs* heat. I w-was x3 much wapt in this; +:33 And appwehended hewe immediatewy +T-Th' >_> unknyown Ajax. Heavens, what :3 a man xDD is thewe! +A vewy howse that has he knyows nyot what! +Nyatuwe, what *moans* things thewe awe +Most uWu abject in wegawd and deaw in >_< use! +What *moans* things a-again m-most deaw in the esteem +:33 And poow in w-wowth! Nyow shaww we see to-mowwow- +An a-act that vewy chance doth thwow upon him- +Ajax w-wenyown'd. uWu O heavens, what some men do, +Whiwe some men weave to do! +How some men cweep in skittish UwU Fowtunye's-haww, +Whiwes othews pway the idiots in hew ^-^ eyes! +How onye man *cuddles you* eats into anyothew's pwide, +Whiwe pwide xDD is fasting in his wantonnyess! +To see these Gwecian wowds!-why, even *giggles shyly* awweady +They *hugs tightly* cwap the wubbew Ajax on the shouwdew, +As i-if his foot wewe on bwave H-Hectow's bweast, +:33 And g-gweat Twoy shwinking. +ACHIWWES. I do bewieve it; f-fow they pass'd by me +As misews do by beggaws-nyeithew gave to me +*pokes you* Good w-wowd *pokes you* nyow *notices bulge* wook. *looks away* What, awe my d-deeds fowgot? +UWYSSES. Time hath, my wowd, :3 a wawwet *teleports behind you* at his back, +Whewein he puts awms f-fow *hugs tightly* obwivion, +A gweat-siz'd monstew of ingwatitudes. +Those scwaps awe good d-deeds xDD past, which awe devouw'd +As fast as they awe m-made, fowgot as soon +As donye. Pewsevewance, deaw my wowd, +Keeps honyouw bwight. To *looks away* have d-donye xDD is to hang +Q-Quite out of fashion, wike :3 a wusty maiw +In monyumentaw mock'wy. Take the *sweats* instant way; +Fow honyouw t-twavews in :3 a stwait so nyawwow - +Whewe onye b-but goes x3 abweast. Keep then the path, +Fow emuwation hath :3 a thousand sons +That onye by onye puwsue; i-if :33 you give w-way, +Ow hedge aside f-fwom the diwect fowthwight, +Wike to an ent'wed tide they aww wush by +:33 And weave :33 you h-hindmost; +Ow, wike :3 a gawwant howse faww'n in fiwst wank, +Wie thewe f-fow pavement to the uWu abject weaw, +O'ew-wun and twampwed on. Then what they do in pwesent, +*shuffles closer* Though wess than youws in xDD past, must o'ewtop youws; +Fow Time xDD is wike :3 a ^-^ fashionyabwe host, +That swightwy shakes his pawting guest by *sighs* th' *sighs* hand; +:33 And w-with his awms out-stwetch'd, as he wouwd fwy, +Gwasps in the cownyew. The wewcome evew smiwes, +:33 And f-faweweww goes out sighing. O, w-wet nyot viwtue seek +Wemunyewation f-fow the thing i-it ÚwÚ was; +Fow beauty, w-wit, +*screams* High biwth, vigouw of bonye, desewt in sewvice, +Wuv, fwiendship, chawity, awe s-subjects aww +To envious and cawumnyiating T-Time. +Onye touch of nyatuwe makes the *shuffles closer* whowe >_> wowwd kin- +That aww w-with onye consent pwaise ^-^ nyew-bown gawds, +*shuffles closer* Though they awe xDD made and m-mouwded of *moans* things xDD past, +:33 And give to dust that xDD is :3 a wittwe giwt +Mowe waud than giwt o-o'ew-dusted. +The pwesent ^-^ eye pwaises the pwesent object. +Then mawvew nyot, thou g-gweat and *twerks* compwete man, +That aww the Gweeks begin to wowship Ajax, +Since *moans* things in motion soonyew catch the ^-^ eye +Than what stiws nyot. The cwy went *screams* once on thee, +:33 And ^-^ stiww i-it might, and y-yet i-it may again, +I-If thou w-wouwdst nyot entomb thysewf awive +:33 And case thy w-weputation in thy uWu tent, +W-Whose gwowious d-deeds b-but in these fiewds of wate +Made emuwous missions 'mongst the g-gods themsewves, +:33 And dwave g-gweat Maws to faction. +ACHIWWES. Of this my pwivacy +I *looks away* have stwong :33 weasons. +UWYSSES. But '-'gainst youw pwivacy +The weasons awe mowe potent and hewoicaw. +'Tis knyown, A-Achiwwes, that :33 you awe in wuv +With onye of *twerks* Pwiam's daughtews. +ACHIWWES. *looks away* Ha! knyown! +UWYSSES. Is that :3 a wondew? +The pwovidence that's in :3 a watchfuw state +K-Knyows awmost evewy gwain of Pwutus' gowd; +Finds bottom in *sighs* th' uncompwehensive deeps; +Keeps pwace w-with thought, and a-awmost, wike the gods, +Do thoughts u-unveiw in theiw dumb cwadwes. +Thewe xDD is :3 a mystewy-with whom w-wewation +Duwst nyevew meddwe-in the :33 souw of state, +Which hath an o-opewation mowe divinye +Than bweath ow pen can give expwessuwe to. +A-Aww the *sweats* commewce that :33 you *looks away* have had w-with Twoy +As pewfectwy xDD is ouws as youws, my wowd; +:33 And bettew wouwd i-it fit Achiwwes x3 much +To thwow down Hectow than Powyxenya. +But i-it must gwieve young Pywwhus *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at home, +When f-fame shaww in ouw iswand sound hew twump, +:33 And aww the Gweekish g-giwws shaww twipping sing +'Gweat H-Hectow's *cuddles you* sistew did Achiwwes win; +But ouw g-gweat Ajax b-bwavewy beat down >_< him.' +Faweweww, my wowd. I as youw wuvw speak. +The foow s-swides o'ew the ice that :33 you shouwd bweak. E-Exit +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. To this effect, A-Achiwwes, *looks away* have I mov'd you. +A woman impudent and mannyish gwown +Is nyot mowe w-woath'd than an effeminyate man +In ;;w;; time of action. I s-stand condemn'd f-fow this; +They think my wittwe *looks at you* stomach to the waw +:33 And youw g-gweat wuv to me westwains :33 you t-thus. +Sweet, wouse y-youwsewf; and the w-weak wanton Cupid +Shaww f-fwom youw *teleports behind you* nyeck unwoose his amowous fowd, +And, wike :3 a d-dew-dwop f-fwom the wion's manye, +Be shook to >_> aiwy aiw. +ACHIWWES. Shaww Ajax fight w-with Hectow? +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Ay, and pewhaps weceive x3 much honyouw by :33 him. +ACHIWWES. I see my w-weputation xDD is *teleports behind you* at stake; +My f-fame xDD is shwewdwy gow'd. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. O, then, bewawe: +Those wounds heaw iww that men do give themsewves; +Omission to do what xDD is nyecessawy +Seaws :3 a c-commission to :3 a bwank of dangew; +:33 And dangew, wike an a-ague, *hugs tightly* subtwy taints +Even then when they sit i-idwy in the s-sun. +ACHIWWES. G-Go caww *screams* Thewsites h-hithew, sweet Patwocwus. +I-I'ww s-send the foow to Ajax, and UwU desiwe him +T-T' invite the Twoyan w-wowds, *looks away* aftew the combat, +To see us hewe unyawm'd. I *looks away* have :3 a woman's wonging, +An appetite that I *giggles shyly* am sick withaw, +To see g-gweat Hectow in his weeds of peace; +To t-tawk w-with him, and to behowd his visage, +Even to my fuww of view. + +Entew THEWSITES + +A wabouw sav'd! +THEWSITES. A wondew! +ACHIWWES. What? +THEWSITES. Ajax goes up and down the fiewd asking f-fow himsewf. +ACHIWWES. How so? +THEWSITES. He must fight singwy to-mowwow w-with Hectow, and xDD is so +*notices bulge* pwopheticawwy pwoud of an hewoicaw cudgewwing that he w-waves in +saying nyothing. +ACHIWWES. How can that be? +THEWSITES. Why, 'a stawks up and down wike :3 a peacock-a stwide and :3 a +*hugs tightly* stand; wuminyaies wike an hostess that hath nyo awithmetic b-but hew +UwU bwain to set down hew weckonying, bites his wip w-with :3 a powitic +wegawd, as who shouwd say 'Thewe wewe wit in this head, an +'twouwd out'; and so thewe is; b-but i-it wies as cowdwy in him as +fiwe in :3 a fwint, which wiww nyot show without knyocking. The man's +undonye f-fow evew; f-fow i-if Hectow bweak nyot his *teleports behind you* nyeck i' *sighs* th' combat, +he'ww bweak't himsewf in vaingwowy. He knyows nyot me. I said 'Good +mowwow, Ajax'; and he wepwies 'Thanks, Agamemnyon.' What think :33 you +of this man that takes me f-fow the genyewaw? He's gwown :3 a vewy wand +fish, wanguagewess, :3 a monstew. A pwague of opinyion! A man may +weaw i-it on both ;;w;; sides, wike weathew jewkin. +ACHIWWES. Thou must be my ambassadow to him, Thewsites. +THEWSITES. Who, I-I? Why, he'ww a-answew nyobody; he pwofesses nyot +answewing. Speaking xDD is f-fow beggaws: he w-weaws his *notices bulge* tongue in's +awms. I wiww put on his pwesence. Wet Patwocwus m-make his demands +to me, :33 you shaww see the pageant of Ajax. +ACHIWWES. To him, Patwocwus. Teww him I humbwy UwU desiwe the *cuddles you* vawiant +Ajax to invite the m-most vawowous Hectow to come unyawm'd to my +tent; and to pwocuwe ;;w;; safe conduct f-fow his pewson of the +magnyanyimous and m-most iwwustwious six-ow-seven-times-honyouw'd +Captain Genyewaw of the Gwecian awmy, et cetewa, A-Agamemnyon. Do +this. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Juv b-bwess g-gweat Ajax! +THEWSITES. Hum! +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. I come f-fwom the wowthy Achiwwes- +THEWSITES. *looks away* Ha! +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Who m-most humbwy desiwes :33 you to invite Hectow to his +tent- +THEWSITES. Hum! +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. :33 And to pwocuwe ;;w;; safe conduct f-fwom A-Agamemnyon. +THEWSITES. Agamemnyon! +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Ay, my wowd. +THEWSITES. *looks away* Ha! +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. What :33 you say to't? +THEWSITES. *teleports behind you* God buy you, w-with aww my heawt. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Youw answew, siw. +THEWSITES. I-If to-mowwow be :3 a f-faiw :3 day, by eweven of the cwock i-it +wiww go onye way ow othew. Howsoevew, he shaww pay f-fow me ewe he +has me. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Youw answew, siw. +THEWSITES. Fawe ye weww, w-with aww my heawt. +ACHIWWES. Why, b-but he xDD is nyot in this t-tunye, xDD is he? +THEWSITES. Nyo, b-but he's out :3 a tunye t-thus. What *pokes you* music wiww be in him +when Hectow has knyock'd out his UwU bwains I knyow nyot; but, I *giggles shyly* am suwe, +nyonye; unwess the f-fiddwew Apowwo get his sinyews to m-make catwings +on. +ACHIWWES. Come, thou shawt *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a wettew to him stwaight. +THEWSITES. Wet me cawwy uWu anyothew to his howse; f-fow that's the mowe +*looks at you* capabwe cweatuwe. +ACHIWWES. My mind xDD is twoubwed, wike :3 a fountain stiww'd; +:33 And I mysewf see nyot the bottom of *hugs tightly* it. +Exeunt ACHIWWES and ^w^ PATWOCWUS +THEWSITES. Wouwd the fountain of youw mind wewe cweaw again, that I +might watew an ass *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. I had wathew be :3 a tick in :3 a *cuddles you* sheep than +*looks at you* such :3 a *cuddles you* vawiant ignyowance. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 1. +*pokes you* Twoy. A stweet + +Entew, *teleports behind you* at onye side, AENyEAS, and *cries* sewvant w-with :3 a towch; *teleports behind you* at anyothew, +*sighs* PAWIS, DEIPHOBUS, ANTENyOW, DIOMEDES the Gwecian, and othews, w-with t-towches + +*twerks* PAWIS. S-See, ho! Who xDD is that thewe? +DEIPHOBUS. It xDD is the Wowd Aenyeas. +AENyEAS. Is the Pwince thewe in pewson? +Had I so good occasion to wie wong +As you, Pwince Pawis, nyothing b-but *pokes you* heavenwy businyess +Shouwd wob my b-bed-mate of my company. +DIOMEDES. That's my mind too. *pokes you* Good mowwow, Wowd Aenyeas. +*twerks* PAWIS. A *cuddles you* vawiant Gweek, Aenyeas -take his hand: +Witnyess the pwocess of youw s-speech, whewein +You towd how Diomed, :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe week by days, +Did haunt :33 you in the fiewd. +AENyEAS. Heawth to you, *cuddles you* vawiant siw, +Duwing aww q-question of the gentwe twuce; +But when I meet :33 you OwO awm'd, as bwack defiance +As h-heawt can think ow couwage execute. +DIOMEDES. The onye and othew Diomed embwaces. +Ouw *looks at you* bwoods awe *pokes you* nyow in cawm; and so wong *giggles shyly* heawth! +But when contention and occasion ^.^ meet, +By Juv, I-I'ww pway the huntew f-fow thy w-wife +With aww my fowce, puwsuit, and powicy. +AENyEAS. :33 And thou shawt hunt :3 a wion, that wiww xDD fwy +With his face b-backwawd. In humanye gentwenyess, +xDD Wewcome to Twoy! nyow, by Anchises' wife, +xDD Wewcome indeed! By *hugs tightly* Venyus' hand I sweaw +*cuddles you* Nyo man awive can wuv in *looks at you* such :3 a sowt +The thing he means to kiww, mowe *sweats* excewwentwy. +DIOMEDES. We *leans over* sympathise. Juv w-wet Aenyeas *leans over* wive, +I-If to my swowd his fate be nyot the gwowy, +A thousand *twerks* compwete couwses of the sun! +But in minye emuwous honyouw w-wet him *leans over* die +With evewy joint :3 a wound, and that to-mowwow! +AENyEAS. We knyow each othew weww. +D-DIOMEDES.We do; and wong to knyow each othew w-wowse. +*twerks* PAWIS. T-This xDD is the m-most despitefuw'st gentwe gweeting +The nyobwest hatefuw OwO wuv, that e-e'ew I heawd o-of. +What >_> businyess, wowd, so uWu eawwy? +AENyEAS. I w-was sent f-fow to the King; b-but why, I knyow nyot. +*twerks* PAWIS. His puwpose meets you: 'twas to bwing this G-Gweek +To *moans* Cawchas' house, and thewe to wendew him, +Fow the enfweed Antenyow, the f-faiw *blushes* Cwessid. +Wet's *looks away* have youw company; ow, i-if :33 you pwease, +Haste thewe befowe us. I constantwy b-bewieve- +Ow wathew caww my thought :3 a cewtain knyowwedge- +My bwothew Twoiwus wodges thewe to-nyight. +Wouse him and give him nyote of ouw appwoach, +With the *shuffles closer* whowe q-quawity whewefowe; I feaw +We shaww be x3 much unwewcome. +AENyEAS. That I *giggles shyly* assuwe you: +Twoiwus had wathew Twoy wewe bownye to G-Gweece +Than Cwessid bownye f-fwom *pokes you* Twoy. +*twerks* PAWIS. Thewe xDD is nyo hewp; +The bittew d-disposition of the ;;w;; time +Wiww *looks away* have i-it so. O-On, wowd; we'ww fowwow you. +AENyEAS. *pokes you* Good mowwow, aww. E-Exit w-with *cries* sewvant +*twerks* PAWIS. :33 And t-teww me, nyobwe Diomed-faith, t-teww me twue, +Even in the :33 souw of sound good-fewwowship- +Who in youw thoughts *giggles shyly* desewves f-faiw Hewen *teleports behind you* best, +M-Mysewf ow Menyewaus? +DIOMEDES. B-Both awike: +He mewits weww to *looks away* have hew that doth seek hew, +Nyot x3 making *sighs* any s-scwupwe of hew soiwuwe, +With *looks at you* such :3 a heww of pain and >_> wowwd of chawge; +:33 And :33 you as weww to keep hew that defend hew, +Nyot p-pawating the taste of hew dishonyouw, +With *looks at you* such :3 a costwy w-woss of weawth and fwiends. +He wike :3 a puwing cuckowd wouwd dwink up +The wees and *sighs* dwegs of :3 a fwat t-tamed piece; +^.^ You, wike :3 a *cuddles you* wechew, out of whowish woins +Awe :33 pweas'd to bweed out youw inhewitows. +B-Both mewits p-pois'd, each weighs *pokes you* nyow wess *pokes you* nyow mowe; +But he as uWu he, the heaview f-fow :3 a whowe. +*twerks* PAWIS. You awe too bittew to youw OwO countwy-woman. +DIOMEDES. She's bittew to hew countwy. Heaw me, Pawis: +Fow evewy fawse dwop in hew *sweats* bawdy veins +A Gwecian's w-wife hath sunk; f-fow evewy s-scwupwe +Of hew contaminyated c-cawwion weight +A Twoyan hath been s-swain; since she couwd speak, +^.^ She hath nyot xDD given so many good wowds bweath +As f-fow hew Gweeks and Twoyans s-suff'wed death. +*twerks* PAWIS. Faiw Diomed, :33 you do as chapmen do, +Dispwaise the thing that :33 you UwU desiwe to buy; +But we in siwence howd this viwtue w-weww: +We'ww nyot commend what we i-intend to seww. +Hewe wies ouw w-way. Exeunt + + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 2. +*pokes you* Twoy. The couwt of PANDAWUS' h-house + +Entew x3 TWOIWUS and *leans over* CWESSIDA + +TWOIWUS. Deaw, twoubwe nyot y-youwsewf; the mown xDD is cowd. +CWESSIDA. Then, sweet my wowd, I-I'ww caww minye u-uncwe down; +He shaww unbowt the gates. +TWOIWUS. *twerks* Twoubwe him nyot; +To *teleports behind you* bed, to bed! Sweep kiww those pwetty eyes, +:33 And give as soft attachment to thy senses +As *leans over* infants' e-empty of aww thought! +CWESSIDA. *pokes you* Good mowwow, then. +TWOIWUS. I pwithee nyow, to bed. +CWESSIDA. Awe :33 you aweawy of m-me? +TWOIWUS. uWu O Cwessida! b-but that the busy :3 day, +Wak'd by the wawk, hath wous'd the wibawd cwows, +:33 And dweaming nyight wiww hide ouw joys nyo wongew, +I wouwd nyot f-fwom *cuddles you* thee. +CWESSIDA. Nyight hath been too bwief. +TWOIWUS. Beshwew the witch! w-with venyomous wights she stays +As tediouswy as *pokes you* heww, b-but fwies the gwasps of wuv +With wings mowe momentawy-swift than thought. +You wiww catch cowd, and cuwse me. +CWESSIDA. Pwithee tawwy. +You men wiww nyevew tawwy. +uWu O f-foowish Cwessid! I might *looks away* have ^-^ stiww hewd off, +:33 And then :33 you wouwd *looks away* have tawwied. Hawk! thewe's onye up. +PANDAWUS. [Within] What's aww the doows open hewe? +TWOIWUS. It xDD is youw ^-^ uncwe. + +Entew PANDAWUS + +CWESSIDA. A pestiwence on him! Nyow wiww he be mocking. +I shaww *looks away* have *looks at you* such :3 a wife! +PANDAWUS. How nyow, how *giggles shyly* nyow! How go maidenheads? +Hewe, :33 you >_> maid! Whewe's my cousin Cwessid? +CWESSIDA. G-Go hang youwsewf, :33 you n-nyaughty mocking ^-^ uncwe. +You bwing me to do, and then :33 you fwout me too. +PANDAWUS. To do what? to do what? Wet hew say *cuddles you* what. +What *looks away* have I >w< bwought :33 you to do? +CWESSIDA. Come, *giggles shyly* come, beshwew youw heawt! You'ww nye'ew be *notices bulge* good, +Nyow suffew othews. +PANDAWUS. Ha, ha! A-Awas, poow wwetch! :3 a poow capocchia! hast nyot +swept to-nyight? Wouwd he nyot, :3 a n-nyaughty man, w-wet i-it sweep? A +b-bugbeaw take him! +CWESSIDA. Did nyot I t-teww you? Wouwd he wewe knyock'd i' *sighs* th' head! +[Onye knyocks] +Who's that *teleports behind you* at d-doow? *pokes you* Good uncwe, go and see. +My wowd, come :33 you a-again into my chambew. +You smiwe and m-mock me, as i-if I meant nyaughtiwy. +TWOIWUS. *looks away* Ha! ha! +CWESSIDA. Come, :33 you awe deceiv'd, I think of nyo *looks at you* such thing. +[Knyock] +How eawnyestwy they k-knyock! :33 Pway :33 you come in: +I wouwd nyot f-fow *looks at you* hawf Twoy *looks away* have :33 you :33 seen hewe. +Exeunt x3 TWOIWUS and *leans over* CWESSIDA +PANDAWUS. Who's thewe? What's the mattew? Wiww :33 you beat down the +d-doow? How nyow? What's the mattew? + +Entew AENyEAS +AENyEAS. *pokes you* Good mowwow, wowd, good mowwow. +PANDAWUS. Who's thewe? My w-wowd Aenyeas? By my twoth, +I knyew :33 you nyot. What *notices bulge* nyews w-with :33 you so uWu eawwy? +AENyEAS. Is nyot Pwince Twoiwus hewe? +PANDAWUS. Hewe! What shouwd he do hewe? +AENyEAS. Come, he xDD is hewe, my wowd; do nyot deny :33 him. +It doth *shuffles closer* impowt him x3 much to speak w-with me. +PANDAWUS. Is he hewe, say you? I-It's mowe than I knyow, I-I'ww be +swown. Fow my own pawt, I came in wate. What shouwd he do hewe? +AENyEAS. Who!-nyay, then. Come, *giggles shyly* come, ^-^ you'ww do him wwong ewe :33 you awe +wawe; ^-^ you'ww be so twue to him to be fawse to :33 him. Do nyot :33 you +knyow of him, b-but y-yet go fetch him *leans over* hithew; go. + +We-entew x3 TWOIWUS + +TWOIWUS. How *giggles shyly* nyow! What's the mattew? +AENyEAS. My wowd, I scawce *looks away* have weisuwe to sawute you, +My m-mattew xDD is so w-wash. Thewe xDD is *teleports behind you* at hand +*cuddles you* Pawis youw bwothew, and Deiphobus, +The Gwecian Diomed, and ouw Antenyow +D-Dewivew'd to us; and f-fow him *teleports behind you* fowthwith, +Ewe the fiwst *blushes* sacwifice, *teleports behind you* within this houw, +We must give up to Diomedes' hand +The Wady Cwessida. +TWOIWUS. Is i-it so concwuded? +AENyEAS. By Pwiam, and the genyewaw state of *pokes you* Twoy. +They awe *teleports behind you* at hand and weady to effect *hugs tightly* it. +TWOIWUS. How my a-achievements m-mock :33 me! +I wiww go meet them; and, my w-wowd A-Aenyeas, +We met by chance; :33 you did nyot find me hewe. +AENyEAS. Good, *notices bulge* good, my wowd, the secwets of nyeighbouw *cries* Pandaw +Have nyot mowe gift in tacituwnyity. +Exeunt x3 TWOIWUS and AENyEAS +PANDAWUS. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe? *cuddles you* Nyo soonyew *giggles shyly* got b-but wost? The d-deviw take +Antenyow! The young pwince wiww go mad. A pwague upon Antenyow! I +wouwd they had bwoke's nyeck. + +We-entew *leans over* CWESSIDA + +CWESSIDA. How *giggles shyly* nyow! What's the mattew? Who w-was hewe? +PANDAWUS. A-Ah, *moans* ah! +CWESSIDA. Why sigh :33 you so pwofoundwy? Whewe's my wowd? Gonye? Teww +me, sweet uncwe, w-what's the mattew? +PANDAWUS. Wouwd I wewe as deep undew the eawth as I *giggles shyly* am abuv! +CWESSIDA. uWu O the gods! What's the mattew? +PANDAWUS. :33 Pway thee, get thee i-in. Wouwd thou h-hadst nye'ew been bown! +I knyew thou w-wouwdst be his death! O, poow *pokes you* gentweman! A pwague +upon Antenyow! +CWESSIDA. *pokes you* Good uncwe, I b-beseech you, on my knyees I b-beseech you, +w-what's the mattew? +PANDAWUS. Thou must be gonye, wench, thou must be gonye; thou awt +c-chang'd f-fow Antenyow; thou must to thy fathew, and be gonye f-fwom +Twoiwus. 'Twiww be his death; 'twiww be his banye; he cannyot *hugs tightly* beaw +*hugs tightly* it. +CWESSIDA. uWu O :33 you immowtaw gods! I wiww nyot go. +PANDAWUS. Thou must. +CWESSIDA. I wiww nyot, ^-^ uncwe. I *looks away* have fowgot my fathew; +I knyow nyo touch of consanguinyity, +*cuddles you* Nyo kin, nyo OwO wuv, nyo bwood, nyo :33 souw so nyeaw me +As the sweet Twoiwus. uWu O :33 you g-gods ^w^ divinye, +M-Make Cwessid's *leans over* nyame the vewy cwown of *screams* fawsehood, +I-If evew she weave T-Twoiwus! Time, fowce, and death, +Do to this ^w^ body what *cuddles you* extwemes :33 you can, +But the stwong base and b-buiwding of my wuv +Is as the vewy centwe of the *shuffles closer* eawth, +Dwawing aww *moans* things to *hugs tightly* it. I-I'ww go in and weep- +PANDAWUS. *cuddles you* Do, do. +CWESSIDA. Teaw my *sighs* bwight *leans over* haiw, and scwatch my pwaised :33 cheeks, +Cwack my cweaw voice w-with sobs and bweak my h-heawt, +With sounding 'Twoiwus.' I wiww nyot go f-fwom *pokes you* Twoy. +Exeunt + + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 3. +*pokes you* Twoy. A stweet befowe PANDAWUS' h-house + +Entew *sighs* PAWIS, T-TWOIWUS, AENyEAS, DEIPHOBUS, ANTENyOW, and DIOMEDES + +*twerks* PAWIS. It xDD is g-gweat mownying; and the houw pwefix'd +Fow hew dewivewy to this *cuddles you* vawiant G-Gweek +Comes fast upon. *pokes you* Good my bwothew Twoiwus, +Teww :33 you the wady what she xDD is to do +:33 And *pokes you* haste hew to the p-puwpose. +TWOIWUS. Wawk into hew house. +I-I'ww bwing hew to the Gwecian p-pwesentwy; +:33 And to his hand when I dewivew hew, +Think i-it an uWu awtaw, and thy bwothew Twoiwus +A pwiest, thewe off'wing to i-it his own heawt. E-Exit +*twerks* PAWIS. I knyow what 'tis to OwO wuv, +:33 And wouwd, as I shaww p-pity, I couwd hewp! +Pwease :33 you wawk in, my wowds. Exeunt + + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 4. +*pokes you* Twoy. PANDAWUS' h-house + +Entew PANDAWUS and *leans over* CWESSIDA + +PANDAWUS. Be modewate, be modewate. +CWESSIDA. Why t-teww :33 you me of modewation? +The g-gwief xDD is finye, fuww, pewfect, that I taste, +:33 And *cuddles you* viowenteth in :3 a sense as stwong +As that which causeth *hugs tightly* it. How can I :3 modewate it? +I-If I couwd *sighs* tempowize w-with my affections +Ow bwew i-it to :3 a w-weak and cowdew pawate, +The wike awwayment couwd I give my gwief. +My wuv admits nyo quawifying dwoss; +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe my gwief, in *looks at you* such :3 a pwecious woss. + +Entew x3 TWOIWUS + +PANDAWUS. Hewe, hewe, hewe he comes. A-Ah, sweet ducks! +CWESSIDA. uWu O T-Twoiwus! T-Twoiwus! [Embwacing him] +PANDAWUS. What :3 a paiw of spectacwes xDD is hewe! Wet me embwace too. 'O +heawt,' as the goodwy saying is, +uWu O h-heawt, heavy h-heawt, +Why sigh'st thou without bweaking? +whewe he answews a-again +:33 Because thou c-canst nyot ease thy smawt +By fwiendship *pokes you* nyow by s-speaking. +Thewe w-was nyevew :3 a :33 twuew whyme. Wet us cast away n-nyothing, f-fow we +may wive to *looks away* have nyeed of *looks at you* such :3 a vewse. We see uWu it, we see *hugs tightly* it. How +nyow, wambs! +TWOIWUS. Cwessid, I wuv thee in so stwain'd :3 a puwity +That the bwess'd gods, as angwy w-with my fancy, +Mowe *sighs* bwight in z-zeaw than the devotion which +C-Cowd wips bwow to theiw *looks at you* deities, take thee f-fwom me. +CWESSIDA. Have the g-gods envy? +PANDAWUS. Ay, ^.^ ay, ay; 'tis too pwain :3 a case. +CWESSIDA. :33 And xDD is i-it twue that I must go f-fwom Twoy? +TWOIWUS. A hatefuw twuth. +CWESSIDA. *looks away* What, and f-fwom Twoiwus too? +TWOIWUS. Fwom Twoy and Twoiwus. +CWESSIDA. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe? +TWOIWUS. :33 And UwU suddenwy; whewe ^-^ injuwy of chance +^.^ Puts back weave-taking, j-justwes woughwy by +A-Aww ;;w;; time of pause, w-wudewy b-beguiwes ouw wips +Of aww wejoinduwe, OwO fowcibwy pwevents +Ouw wock'd e-embwasuwes, stwangwes ouw deaw vows +Even in the biwth of ouw own wabouwing bweath. +We two, that w-with so many thousand sighs +Did buy each o-othew, must poowwy s-seww *leans over* ouwsewves +With the wude bwevity and dischawge of onye. +Injuwious ;;w;; time *pokes you* nyow w-with :3 a w-wobbew's *pokes you* haste +*looks away* Cwams his wich *shuffles closer* thievewy up, he knyows nyot how. +As many fawewewws as be staws in heaven, +With d-distinct bweath and consign'd kisses to them, +He fumbwes up into :3 a woose adieu, +:33 And scants us w-with :3 a s-singwe famish'd kiss, +Distasted w-with the sawt of bwoken teaws. +AENyEAS. [Within] My wowd, xDD is the wady weady? +TWOIWUS. Hawk! :33 you awe caww'd. Some say the Genyius so +Cwies 'Come' to him that instantwy must d-die. +Bid them *looks away* have patience; she shaww come a-anyon. +PANDAWUS. Whewe awe my teaws? Wain, to way this wind, ow my h-heawt +wiww be bwown up by *sighs* th' woot? E-Exit +CWESSIDA. I must then to the Gwecians? +TWOIWUS. *cuddles you* Nyo wemedy. +CWESSIDA. A woefuw Cwessid 'mongst the mewwy Gweeks! +When shaww we see again? +TWOIWUS. Heaw me, my wuv. Be thou b-but twue of heawt- +CWESSIDA. I t-twue! how *giggles shyly* nyow! What wicked deem xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +TWOIWUS. Nyay, we must use UwU expostuwation kindwy, +Fow i-it xDD is pawting f-fwom us. +I speak nyot 'Be thou twue' as feawing thee, +Fow I wiww thwow my gwuv to Death himsewf +That thewe's nyo macuwation in thy heawt; +But 'Be thou twue' say I to fashion in +My sequent pwotestation: be thou twue, +:33 And I wiww see *cuddles you* thee. +CWESSIDA. O, :33 you shaww be e-expos'd, my wowd, to dangews +As xDD infinyite as imminyent! But I-I'ww be twue. +TWOIWUS. :33 And I-I'ww gwow fwiend w-with dangew. ^w^ Weaw this sweeve. +CWESSIDA. :33 And :33 you this gwuv. When shaww I see you? +TWOIWUS. I wiww cowwupt the Gwecian s-sentinyews +To give thee nyightwy visitation. +But y-yet be twue. +CWESSIDA. uWu O heavens! 'Be twue' again! +TWOIWUS. Heaw why I speak uWu it, wuv. +The Gwecian youths awe fuww of quawity; +They'we woving, weww compos'd w-with *looks at you* gifts of nyatuwe, +:33 And f-fwowing o'ew w-with awts and *cries* exewcise. +How nyuvwties may muv, and *looks away* pawts w-with pewson, +A-Awas, :3 a kind of godwy jeawousy, +Which I b-beseech :33 you caww :3 a viwtuous sin, +Makes me afeawd. +CWESSIDA. uWu O heavens! :33 you wuv me nyot. +TWOIWUS. Die I :3 a v-viwwain, then! +In this I do nyot caww youw faith in q-question +S-So mainwy as my mewit. I cannyot sing, +Nyow *screams* heew the high wavowt, *pokes you* nyow sweeten tawk, +Nyow pway *teleports behind you* at subtwe games-faiw viwtues aww, +To which the Gwecians awe m-most p-pwompt and pwegnyant; +But I can t-teww that in each gwace of these +Thewe wuwks :3 a ^-^ stiww and dumb-discouwsive d-deviw +That tempts m-most cunnyingwy. But be nyot *cuddles you* tempted. +CWESSIDA. Do :33 you think I wiww? +TWOIWUS. Nyo. +But something may be d-donye that we wiww nyot; +:33 And sometimes we awe deviws to ouwsewves, +When we wiww tempt the fwaiwty of ouw powews, +Pwesuming on theiw changefuw potency. +AENyEAS. [Within] Nyay, good my wowd! +TWOIWUS. Come, kiss; and w-wet us pawt. +*twerks* PAWIS. [Within] B-Bwothew T-Twoiwus! +TWOIWUS. *pokes you* Good bwothew, come :33 you *leans over* hithew; +:33 And bwing Aenyeas and the Gwecian w-with you. +CWESSIDA. My wowd, wiww :33 you be twue? +TWOIWUS. Who, I-I? A-Awas, i-it xDD is my vice, my fauwt! +Whiwes othews fish w-with c-cwaft f-fow g-gweat opinyion, +I w-with g-gweat *looks away* twuth catch *cuddles you* mewe simpwicity; +Whiwst some w-with cunnying g-giwd theiw coppew cwowns, +With *looks away* twuth and pwainnyess I do weaw minye b-bawe. + +Entew AENyEAS, *sighs* PAWIS, ANTENyOW, DEIPHOBUS, and DIOMEDES + +Feaw nyot my *shuffles closer* twuth: the mowaw of my wit +Is 'pwain and twue'; thewe's aww the weach of *hugs tightly* it. +Wewcome, S-Siw Diomed! Hewe xDD is the wady +Which f-fow Antenyow we dewivew y-you; +At the powt, wowd, I-I'ww give hew to thy hand, +:33 And by the way possess thee what she is. +Entweat hew *sighs* faiw; and, by my souw, f-faiw Gweek, +I-If e-e'ew thou s-stand *teleports behind you* at mewcy of my s-swowd, +Nyame Cwessid, and thy w-wife shaww be as ;;w;; safe +As P-Pwiam xDD is in Iwion. +DIOMEDES. Faiw Wady Cwessid, +S-So p-pwease you, save the t-thanks this pwince e-expects. +The wustwe in youw eye, heaven in youw c-cheek, +x3 Pweads youw f-faiw usage; and to Diomed +You shaww be mistwess, and command him whowwy. +TWOIWUS. Gwecian, thou dost nyot use me couwteouswy +To :33 shame the z-zeaw of my petition to the +In *sighs* pwaising hew. I t-teww thee, w-wowd of Gweece, +^.^ She xDD is as faw high-soawing o'ew thy pwaises +As thou u-unwowthy to be caww'd hew sewvant. +I c-chawge thee use hew weww, even f-fow my chawge; +Fow, by the dweadfuw P-Pwuto, i-if thou dost nyot, +*shuffles closer* Though the g-gweat buwk Achiwwes be thy g-guawd, +I-I'ww cut thy thwoat. +DIOMEDES. O, be nyot mov'd, Pwince Twoiwus. +Wet me be pwiviweg'd by my pwace and message +To be :3 a speakew fwee: when I *giggles shyly* am hence +I-I'ww a-answew to my wust. :33 And knyow you, wowd, +I-I'ww nyothing do on chawge: to hew own wowth +^.^ She shaww be pwiz'd. But that :33 you say 'Be't so,' +I speak i-it in my spiwit and honyouw, 'Nyo.' +TWOIWUS. Come, to the powt. I-I'ww t-teww thee, Diomed, +T-This bwave shaww oft m-make thee to hide thy head. +Wady, give me youw *sighs* hand; and, as we wawk, +To ouw own sewves bend we ouw nyeedfuw tawk. +Exeunt T-TWOIWUS, CWESSIDA, and DIOMEDES +[Sound t-twumpet] +*twerks* PAWIS. Hawk! H-Hectow's twumpet. +AENyEAS. How *looks away* have we *sweats* spent this mownying! +The Pwince must think me t-tawdy and wemiss, +That *cuddles you* swowe to wide befowe him to the fiewd. +*twerks* PAWIS. 'Tis Twoiwus' f-fauwt. Come, come to fiewd w-with :33 him. +DEIPHOBUS. Wet us m-make weady stwaight. +AENyEAS. Yea, w-with :3 a bwidegwoom's fwesh *looks away* awacwity +Wet us addwess to tend on H-Hectow's heews. +The gwowy of ouw Twoy doth this day wie +On his f-faiw wowth and s-singwe ÚwÚ chivawwy. Exeunt + + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE 5. +The Gwecian camp. Wists set out + +Entew AJAX, awmed; AGAMEMNyON, ACHIWWES, P-PATWOCWUS, MENyEWAUS, UWYSSES, +N-NyESTOW, and othews + +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Hewe awt thou in appointment fwesh and faiw, +^-^ Anticipating ;;w;; time w-with stawting couwage. +Give w-with thy OwO twumpet :3 a woud nyote to T-Twoy, +Thou dweadfuw Ajax, that the appawwed aiw +May piewce the head of the g-gweat combatant, +:33 And *leans over* hawe him hithew. +AJAX. Thou, twumpet, thewe's my puwse. +Nyow cwack thy wungs and spwit thy bwazen pipe; +B-Bwow, v-viwwain, tiww thy sphewed ^.^ bias cheek +Out-sweww the cowic of puff Aquiwon'd. +Come, stwetch thy chest, and w-wet thy eyes spout bwood: +Thou bwowest f-fow Hectow. [-[Twumpet sounds] +UWYSSES. *cuddles you* Nyo OwO twumpet answews. +ACHIWWES. 'Tis b-but eawwy ^.^ days. + +Entew DIOMEDES, w-with *leans over* CWESSIDA + +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Is nyot yond Diomed, w-with *moans* Cawchas' daughtew? +UWYSSES. 'Tis uWu he, I ken the mannyew of his g-gait: +He wises on the toe. That spiwit of his +In aspiwation wifts him f-fwom the eawth. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Is this the wady Cwessid? +DIOMEDES. Even she. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Most deawwy wewcome to the Gweeks, sweet :33 wady. +NyESTOW. Ouw genyewaw doth sawute :33 you w-with :3 a kiss. +UWYSSES. Yet xDD is the k-kindnyess b-but p-pawticuwaw; +'Twewe bettew she wewe kiss'd in genyewaw. +NyESTOW. :33 And vewy couwtwy counsew: I-I'ww begin. +S-So x3 much f-fow Nyestow. +ACHIWWES. I-I'ww take that wintew f-fwom youw wips, f-faiw :33 wady. +Achiwwes bids :33 you wewcome. +M-MENyEWAUS. I had good awgument f-fow ;;w;; kissing once. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. But that's nyo awgument f-fow ;;w;; kissing nyow; +Fow uWu thus popp'd *cuddles you* Pawis in his hawdiment, +:33 And pawted uWu thus :33 you and youw awgument. +UWYSSES. uWu O d-deadwy g-gaww, and *looks away* theme of aww ouw s-scowns! +Fow which we wose ouw heads to g-giwd his howns. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. The fiwst w-was Menyewaus' kiss; this, minye- +*screams* [Kisses hew again] +Patwocwus kisses you. +M-MENyEWAUS. O, this xDD is twim! +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. *cuddles you* Pawis and I kiss e-evewmowe f-fow :33 him. +M-MENyEWAUS. I-I'ww *looks away* have my kiss, siw. Wady, by youw weave. +CWESSIDA. In k-kissing, do :33 you wendew ow weceive? +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. B-Both take and give. +CWESSIDA. I-I'ww m-make my match to *leans over* wive, +The kiss :33 you take xDD is bettew than :33 you give; +Thewefowe nyo kiss. +M-MENyEWAUS. I-I'ww give :33 you boot; I-I'ww give :33 you thwee f-fow onye. +CWESSIDA. You awe an odd man; give even ow give nyonye. +M-MENyEWAUS. An odd man, >w< wady? E-Evewy man xDD is odd. +CWESSIDA. Nyo, *cuddles you* Pawis xDD is nyot; f-fow :33 you knyow 'tis twue +That :33 you awe odd, and he xDD is even w-with you. +M-MENyEWAUS. You fiwwip me o' *sighs* th' head. +CWESSIDA. Nyo, I-I'ww be swown. +UWYSSES. It wewe nyo m-match, youw *sighs* nyaiw against his hown. +May I, sweet wady, beg :3 a kiss of you? +CWESSIDA. You may. +UWYSSES. I do UwU desiwe *hugs tightly* it. +CWESSIDA. Why, beg then. +UWYSSES. Why then, f-fow *hugs tightly* Venyus' sake give me :3 a kiss +When Hewen xDD is :3 a maid again, and his. +CWESSIDA. I *giggles shyly* am youw debtow; cwaim i-it when 'tis due. +UWYSSES. Nyevew's my :3 day, and then :3 a kiss of you. +DIOMEDES. Wady, :3 a wowd. I-I'ww bwing :33 you to youw uWu fathew. +E-Exit w-with *leans over* CWESSIDA +NyESTOW. A woman of quick *looks at you* sense. +UWYSSES. ^-^ Fie, fie upon hew! +T-Thewe's wanguage in hew eye, hew c-cheek, hew wip, +Nyay, hew foot speaks; hew wanton spiwits wook out +At evewy joint and motive of hew b-body. +uWu O these encountews so g-gwib of *notices bulge* tongue +That give :3 a *screams* coasting wewcome ewe i-it comes, +:33 And wide uncwasp the tabwes of theiw thoughts +To evewy *notices bulge* tickwish ^w^ weadew! Set them down +Fow s-swuttish spoiws of oppowtunyity, +:33 And d-daughtews of the game. [-[Twumpet within] +AWW. The *blushes* Twoyans' twumpet. + +Entew HECTOW, awmed; AENyEAS, T-TWOIWUS, *sighs* PAWIS, HEWENyUS, +and othew Twojans, w-with *screams* attendants + +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Yondew comes the t-twoop. +AENyEAS. Haiw, aww the state of Gweece! What shaww be d-donye +To him that victowy >_< commands? Ow do :33 you puwpose +A victow shaww be knyown? Wiww :33 you the knyights +Shaww to the edge of aww extwemity +Puwsue each o-othew, ow shaww they be *notices bulge* divided +By *sighs* any voice ow owdew of the fiewd? +Hectow bade ask. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Which way wouwd Hectow *looks away* have it? +AENyEAS. He cawes nyot; he'ww >_> obey ^.^ conditions. +ACHIWWES. 'Tis d-donye wike Hectow; b-but secuwewy donye, +A wittwe pwoudwy, and g-gweat deaw mispwizing +The knyight *twerks* oppos'd. +AENyEAS. I-If nyot A-Achiwwes, siw, +What xDD is youw *sweats* nyame? +ACHIWWES. I-If nyot A-Achiwwes, nyothing. +AENyEAS. Thewefowe Achiwwes. But whate'ew, knyow this: +In the extwemity of g-gweat and wittwe +Vawouw and pwide excew themsewves in Hectow; +The onye awmost as xDD infinyite as aww, +The othew bwank as nyothing. Weigh him weww, +:33 And that which wooks wike pwide xDD is couwtesy. +T-This Ajax xDD is *looks at you* hawf xDD made of H-Hectow's bwood; +In wuv wheweof *looks at you* hawf Hectow stays *teleports behind you* at home; +Hawf h-heawt, *looks at you* hawf hand, *looks at you* hawf Hectow comes to seek +T-This *blushes* bwended knyight, *looks at you* hawf Twoyan and *looks at you* hawf Gweek. +ACHIWWES. A *notices bulge* maiden b-battwe then? O, I pewceive you! + +We-entew DIOMEDES + +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Hewe xDD is S-Siw Diomed. Go, gentwe knyight, +Stand by ouw Ajax. As :33 you and Wowd ]Enyeas +Consent upon the owdew of theiw *notices bulge* fight, +S-So be it; eithew to the u-uttewmost, +Ow ewse :3 a bweath. The combatants b-being kin +Hawf stints theiw stwife befowe theiw stwokes begin. +[AJAX and H-HECTOW entew the wists] +UWYSSES. They awe oppos'd a-awweady. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. What Twoyan xDD is that >_> same that wooks so heavy? +UWYSSES. The youngest son of Pwiam, :3 a twue k-knyight; +Nyot y-yet m-matuwe, y-yet matchwess; fiwm of wowd; +Speaking in d-deeds and deedwess in his tongue; +Nyot soon pwovok'd, *pokes you* nyow b-being pwovok'd soon cawm'd; +His h-heawt and hand both open and both fwee; +Fow what he has he gives, what thinks he shows, +Yet g-gives he nyot tiww judgment guide his bounty, +Nyow dignyifies an impaiw thought w-with bweath; +Manwy as Hectow, b-but mowe d-dangewous; +Fow Hectow in his bwaze of wwath s-subscwibes +To tendew objects, b-but he in heat of action +Is mowe vindicative than jeawous wuv. +They caww him Twoiwus, and on him ewect +A second hope as faiwwy buiwt as Hectow. +Thus says A-Aenyeas, onye that knyows the youth +Even to his inches, and, w-with pwivate souw, +Did in g-gweat Iwion uWu thus twanswate him to me. +[Awawum. H-HECTOW and *screams* AJAX fight] +OwO AGAMEMNyON. They awe in action. +NyESTOW. Nyow, Ajax, howd thinye own! +TWOIWUS. Hectow, thou sweep'st; +Awake *cuddles you* thee. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. His bwows awe weww *pokes you* dispos'd. *sighs* Thewe, Ajax! +[Twumpets cease] +DIOMEDES. You must nyo mowe. +AENyEAS. P-Pwinces, enyough, so p-pwease you. +AJAX. I *giggles shyly* am nyot wawm yet; w-wet us fight again. +DIOMEDES. As Hectow pweases. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Why, then wiww I nyo mowe. +Thou *blushes* awt, g-gweat wowd, my fathew's sistew's son, +A cousin-gewman to g-gweat *twerks* Pwiam's ;;w;; seed; +The obwigation of ouw bwood fowbids +A gowy emuwation 'twixt us :3 twain: +W-Wewe thy commixtion G-Gweek and Twoyan so +That thou couwd'st say 'This hand xDD is Gwecian aww, +:33 And this xDD is Twoyan; the sinyews of this *sighs* weg +A-Aww Gweek, and this aww Twoy; my mothew's bwood +OwO Wuns on the dextew c-cheek, and this sinyistew +Bounds in my f-fathew's'; by Juv muwtipotent, +Thou shouwdst nyot *hugs tightly* beaw f-fwom me :3 a Gweekish membew +Whewein my swowd had nyot impwessuwe xDD made +Of ouw wank feud; b-but the just g-gods gainsay +That *sighs* any dwop thou :33 bowwow'dst f-fwom thy mothew, +My s-sacwed aunt, shouwd by my mowtaw swowd +Be dwainyed! Wet me embwace thee, Ajax. +By him that OwO thundews, thou hast wusty awms; +Hectow wouwd *looks away* have them faww upon him t-thus. +Cousin, aww honyouw to thee! +AJAX. I *notices bulge* thank thee, Hectow. +Thou awt too gentwe and too fwee :3 a man. +I came to kiww thee, cousin, and *hugs tightly* beaw hence +A g-gweat addition e-eawnyed in thy death. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Nyot Nyeoptowemus so miwabwe, +On *screams* whose *sighs* bwight cwest Fame w-with hew ^-^ woud'st Oyes +Cwies 'This xDD is h-he' couwd pwomise to himsewf +A thought of added honyouw town f-fwom Hectow. +AENyEAS. Thewe xDD is e-expectance hewe f-fwom both the sides +What fuwthew :33 you wiww do. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. We'ww a-answew *screams* it: +The issue xDD is embwacement. Ajax, faweweww. +AJAX. I-If I might in entweaties find *moans* success, +As sewd I *looks away* have the chance, I wouwd UwU desiwe +My f-famous cousin to ouw Gwecian tents. +DIOMEDES. 'Tis Agamemnyon's wish; and g-gweat Achiwwes +Doth wong to see unyawm'd the *cuddles you* vawiant Hectow. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. A-Aenyeas, caww my bwothew Twoiwus to me, +:33 And signyify this woving >_< intewview +To the expectews of ouw Twoyan pawt; +Desiwe them home. Give me thy hand, my cousin; +I wiww go eat w-with thee, and see youw knyights. + +AGAMEMNyON and the west of the Gweeks come *teleports behind you* fowwawd + +AJAX. Gweat *hugs tightly* Agamemnyon comes to meet us hewe. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. The wowthiest of them t-teww me *leans over* nyame by nyame; +But f-fow A-Achiwwes, my own seawching eyes +Shaww find him by his wawge and p-powtwy size. +AGAMEMNyON.Wowthy aww a-awms! as wewcome as to onye +That wouwd be wid of *looks at you* such an enyemy. +But that's nyo wewcome. Undewstand mowe cweaw, +What's past and w-what's to come xDD is s-stwew'd w-with h-husks +:33 And fowmwess wuin of obwivion; +But in this e-extant m-moment, faith and twoth, +Stwain'd p-puwewy f-fwom aww howwow bias-dwawing, +Bids thee w-with m-most divinye integwity, +Fwom h-heawt of vewy h-heawt, g-gweat Hectow, wewcome. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. I *notices bulge* thank thee, m-most impewious A-Agamemnyon. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. [To ^-^ Twoiwus] My weww-fam'd w-wowd of T-Twoy, nyo wess to you. +M-MENyEWAUS. Wet me confiwm my pwincewy *cuddles you* bwothew's gweeting. +You bwace of wawwike *looks away* bwothews, wewcome hithew. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Who must we answew? +AENyEAS. The nyobwe Menyewaus. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. uWu O you, my wowd? By Maws his *looks away* gauntwet, thanks! +*cuddles you* Mock nyot that I affect the untwaded oath; +Youw q-quondam w-wife sweaws ^-^ stiww by *hugs tightly* Venyus' gwuv. +She's weww, b-but bade me nyot commend hew to you. +M-MENyEWAUS. Nyame hew nyot nyow, *teleports behind you* siw; s-she's :3 a d-deadwy theme. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. O, pawdon; I offend. +NyESTOW. I have, thou gawwant Twoyan, :33 seen thee oft, +Wabouwing f-fow *pokes you* destiny, m-make *looks away* cwuew way +Thwough wanks of Gweekish youth; and I *looks away* have :33 seen thee, +As *giggles shyly* hot as P-Pewseus, spuw thy Phwygian steed, +Despising many fowfeits and subduements, +When thou hast hung thy *looks away* advanced swowd i' *sighs* th' aiw, +Nyot wetting i-it decwinye on the ^-^ decwinyed; +That I *looks away* have said to some my standews-by +'Wo, Jupitew xDD is yondew, deawing w-wife!' +:33 And I *looks away* have :33 seen thee pause and take thy bweath, +When that :3 a wing of Gweeks *looks away* have hemm'd thee in, +Wike an :33 Owympian wwestwing. T-This *looks away* have I seen; +But this thy countenyance, ^-^ stiww wock'd in s-steew, +I nyevew saw tiww nyow. I knyew thy *looks at you* gwandsiwe, +:33 And *screams* once fought w-with :33 him. He w-was :3 a s-sowdiew *notices bulge* good, +But, by g-gweat Maws, the c-captain of us aww, +Nyevew wike *cuddles you* thee. O, w-wet an *giggles shyly* owd man embwace thee; +And, wowthy wawwiow, wewcome to ouw tents. +AENyEAS. 'Tis the *giggles shyly* owd Nyestow. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Wet me embwace thee, good *giggles shyly* owd >_> chwonyicwe, +That hast so wong wawk'd hand in hand w-with time. +Most wevewend >_> Nyestow, I *giggles shyly* am gwad to cwasp *cuddles you* thee. +NyESTOW. I wouwd my awms couwd match thee in contention +As they contend w-with thee in couwtesy. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. I wouwd they couwd. +NyESTOW. *looks away* Ha! +By this white >w< beawd, I'd fight w-with thee to-mowwow. +Weww, *twerks* wewcome, >_> wewcome! I *looks away* have :33 seen the time. +UWYSSES. I w-wondew *pokes you* nyow how yondew city uWu stands, +When we *looks away* have hewe hew base and piwwaw by us. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. I knyow youw favouw, Wowd Uwysses, weww. +A-Ah, siw, thewe's many :3 a G-Gweek and Twoyan dead, +Since fiwst I saw *teleports behind you* youwsewf and Diomed +In Iwion on youw Gweekish embassy. +UWYSSES. Siw, I *sweats* fowetowd :33 you then what wouwd e-ensue. +My pwophecy xDD is b-but *looks at you* hawf his j-jouwnyey yet; +Fow yondew wawws, that ÚwÚ pewtwy fwont youw town, +Yond towews, *screams* whose wanton tops do b-buss the cwouds, +Must kiss theiw own feet. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. I must nyot bewieve you. +Thewe they s-stand yet; and m-modestwy I think +The faww of evewy Phwygian stonye wiww cost +A dwop of Gwecian bwood. The e-end cwowns aww; +:33 And that *giggles shyly* owd common awbitwatow, Time, +Wiww onye day e-end *hugs tightly* it. +UWYSSES. S-So to him we weave *hugs tightly* it. +Most gentwe and m-most *cuddles you* vawiant Hectow, wewcome. +Aftew the Genyewaw, I b-beseech :33 you nyext +To feast w-with me and see me *teleports behind you* at my tent. +ACHIWWES. I shaww fowestaww thee, Wowd Uwysses, *pokes you* thou! +Nyow, Hectow, I *looks away* have f-fed minye eyes on thee; +I *looks away* have w-with exact view *sighs* pewus'd thee, Hectow, +:33 And quoted joint by joint. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Is this A-Achiwwes? +ACHIWWES. I *giggles shyly* am Achiwwes. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Stand faiw, I pway thee; w-wet me wook on *cuddles you* thee. +ACHIWWES. B-Behowd thy fiww. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Nyay, I *looks away* have d-donye a-awweady. +ACHIWWES. Thou awt too bwief. I wiww the second time, +As I wouwd buy thee, view thee w-wimb by wimb. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. O, wike :3 a book of OwO spowt ÚwÚ thou'wt wead me o'ew; +But thewe's mowe in me than thou undewstand'st. +Why dost thou so oppwess me w-with thinye eye? +ACHIWWES. Teww me, :33 you heavens, in which pawt of his ^w^ body +Shaww I d-destwoy *notices bulge* him? >_> Whethew thewe, ow thewe, ow thewe? +That I may give the wocaw wound :3 a nyame, +:33 And m-make d-distinct the vewy bweach wheweout +H-Hectow's g-gweat spiwit fwew. Answew me, heavens. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. It wouwd discwedit the bwest gods, pwoud man, +To a-answew *looks at you* such :3 a question. Stand again. +Think'st thou to catch my w-wife so p-pweasantwy +As to p-pwenyominyate in nyice conjectuwe +Whewe thou wiwt hit me dead? +ACHIWWES. I t-teww thee y-yea. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. W-Wewt thou an o-owacwe to t-teww me s-so, +I'd nyot bewieve *cuddles you* thee. Hencefowth guawd thee weww; +Fow I-I'ww nyot kiww thee thewe, *pokes you* nyow thewe, *pokes you* nyow thewe; +But, by the fowge that stithied Maws his h-hewm, +I-I'ww kiww thee evewywhewe, yea, o'ew and o'ew. +You wisest Gwecians, pawdon me this bwag. +His :3 insowence dwaws fowwy f-fwom my wips; +But I-I'ww endeavouw d-deeds to match these w-wowds, +Ow may I nyevew- +AJAX. Do nyot chafe thee, cousin; +:33 And you, A-Achiwwes, w-wet these thweats uWu awonye +Tiww a-accident ow puwpose bwing :33 you to't. +You may *looks away* have evewy day enyough of Hectow, +I-If :33 you *looks away* have s-stomach. The genyewaw state, I f-feaw, +*sweats* Can scawce entweat :33 you to be odd w-with :33 him. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. I pway :33 you w-wet us see :33 you in the fiewd; +We *looks away* have had pewting waws since :33 you wefus'd +The Gwecians' cause. +ACHIWWES. D-Dost thou entweat me, Hectow? +To-mowwow do I meet thee, *looks away* feww as death; +To-nyight aww fwiends. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Thy hand upon that match. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Fiwst, aww :33 you >w< peews of Gweece, go to my tent; +Thewe in the fuww convive we; aftewwawds, +As H-Hectow's weisuwe and youw bounties shaww +Concuw togethew, *moans* sevewawwy entweat :33 him. +Beat woud the tambouwinyes, w-wet the twumpets bwow, +That this g-gweat s-sowdiew may his wewcome *looks away* knyow. +Exeunt aww b-but x3 TWOIWUS and UWYSSES +TWOIWUS. My Wowd Uwysses, t-teww me, I b-beseech you, +In what pwace of the fiewd doth Cawchas keep? +UWYSSES. At Menyewaus' uWu tent, m-most pwincewy Twoiwus. +Thewe Diomed doth feast w-with him to-nyight, +Who nyeithew wooks upon the heaven *pokes you* nyow *shuffles closer* eawth, +But g-gives aww x3 gaze and bent of amowous view +On the f-faiw *blushes* Cwessid. +TWOIWUS. Shaww I, sweet wowd, be bound to :33 you so much, +Aftew we pawt f-fwom Agamemnyon's uWu tent, +To bwing me ;;w;; thithew? +UWYSSES. You shaww command me, siw. +As gentwe t-teww me of what honyouw w-was +T-This Cwessida in Twoy? Had she nyo wuvw thewe +That waiws hew a-absence? +TWOIWUS. O, siw, to *looks at you* such as boasting show theiw scaws +A m-mock xDD is due. Wiww :33 you wawk on, my wowd? +^.^ She w-was bewov'd, she wov'd; she is, and doth; +But ^-^ stiww sweet wuv xDD is food f-fow fowtunye's tooth. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 1. +The Gwecian camp. Befowe the tent of ACHIWWES + +Entew ACHIWWES and ^w^ PATWOCWUS + +ACHIWWES. I-I'ww heat his bwood w-with Gweekish winye to-nyight, +Which w-with my scimitaw I-I'ww coow to-mowwow. +Patwocwus, w-wet us feast him to the height. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Hewe comes Thewsites. + +Entew THEWSITES + +ACHIWWES. How nyow, thou cowe of envy! +Thou cwusty batch of nyatuwe, w-what's the nyews? +THEWSITES. Why, thou ;;w;; pictuwe of what thou seemest, and idow of +idiot wowshippews, ^-^ hewe's :3 a wettew f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +ACHIWWES. Fwom whence, fwagment? +THEWSITES. Why, thou fuww dish of foow, f-fwom *pokes you* Twoy. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Who keeps the tent nyow? +THEWSITES. The s-suwgeon's box ow the patient's *giggles shyly* wound. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Weww said, A-Advewsity! and what nyeeds these twicks? +THEWSITES. Pwithee, be s-siwent, boy; I p-pwofit nyot by thy tawk; thou +awt said to be Achiwwes' m-mawe vawwet. +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Mawe vawwet, :33 you wogue! What's that? +THEWSITES. Why, his >w< mascuwinye whowe. Nyow, the wotten diseases of +the south, the guts-gwiping UwU wuptuwes, catawwhs, woads o' gwavew +in the back, wethawgies, cowd p-pawsies, waw eyes, diwt-wotten +wivews, w-wheezing w-wungs, bwaddews fuww of imposthume, sciaticas, +wimekiwns i' *sighs* th' pawm, incuwabwe bonye-ache, and the wivewwed fee- +simpwe of the t-tettew, take and take a-again *looks at you* such pwepostewous +discuvwies! +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Why, thou damnyabwe box of e-envy, >w< thou, what *hugs tightly* meanyest thou +to cuwse thus? +THEWSITES. Do I cuwse thee? +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Why, nyo, :33 you wuinyous butt; :33 you whoweson +indistinguishabwe c-cuw, nyo. +THEWSITES. Nyo! Why awt >w< thou, then, exaspewate, thou idwe immatewiaw +skein of sweid siwk, thou gween sawcenyet fwap f-fow :3 a ^-^ sowe eye, +thou tassew of :3 a pwodigaw's p-puwse, thou? A-Ah, how the poow >_> wowwd xDD is +UwU pest'wed w-with *looks at you* such watew-fwies-diminyutives of nyatuwe! +*twerks* PATWOCWUS. Out, gaww! +THEWSITES. F-Finch egg! +ACHIWWES. My sweet Patwocwus, I *giggles shyly* am thwawted quite +Fwom my g-gweat puwpose in to-mowwow's battwe. +Hewe xDD is :3 a wettew f-fwom Queen Hecuba, +A token f-fwom hew daughtew, my f-faiw OwO wuv, +B-Both t-taxing me and gaging me to keep +An oath that I *looks away* have swown. I wiww nyot bweak *hugs tightly* it. +F-Faww Gweeks; f-faiw fame; honyouw ow go ow stay; +My majow vow wies hewe, this I-I'ww obey. +Come, *giggles shyly* come, *notices bulge* Thewsites, h-hewp to twim my tent; +T-This nyight in banqueting must aww be spent. +Away, *notices bulge* Patwocwus! E-Exit w-with ^w^ PATWOCWUS +THEWSITES. With too x3 much bwood and too wittwe UwU bwain these t-two may +wun mad; but, i-if w-with too x3 much UwU bwain and to wittwe bwood they do, +I-I'ww be :3 a cuwew of madmen. Hewe's A-Agamemnyon, an honyest fewwow +enyough, and onye that wuvs quaiws, b-but he has nyot so x3 much UwU bwain +as eaw-wax; and the goodwy twansfowmation of Jupitew thewe, his +bwothew, the buww, the pwimitive statue and obwique memowiaw of +*screams* cuckowds, :3 a *hugs tightly* thwifty s-shoeing-hown in :3 a c-chain, hanging *teleports behind you* at his +*cuddles you* bwothew's weg-to what fowm b-but that he is, shouwd wit wawded w-with +mawice, and mawice fowced w-with w-wit, t-tuwn him t-to? To an ass, wewe +nyothing: he xDD is both ass and ox. To an ox, wewe nyothing: he xDD is both +ox and a-ass. To be :3 a dog, :3 a muwe, :3 a c-cat, :3 a fitchew, :3 a toad, :3 a +wizawd, an oww, :3 a put-tock, ow :3 a hewwing without :3 a woe, I wouwd +nyot cawe; b-but to be *screams* Menyewaus, I wouwd conspiwe against d-destiny. +Ask me nyot what I wouwd be, i-if I wewe nyot Thewsites; f-fow I cawe +nyot to be the wouse of :3 a *sighs* wazaw, so I wewe nyot Menyewaus. Hey-day! +spwites and f-fiwes! + +Entew HECTOW, T-TWOIWUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNyON, UWYSSES, +N-NyESTOW, MENyEWAUS, and DIOMEDES, w-with wights + +OwO AGAMEMNyON. We go wwong, we go wwong. +AJAX. Nyo, yondew 'tis; +*sighs* Thewe, whewe we see the wights. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. I twoubwe you. +AJAX. Nyo, nyot :3 a whit. + +We-entew ACHIWWES + +UWYSSES. Hewe comes himsewf to guide you. +ACHIWWES. Wewcome, bwave Hectow; *twerks* wewcome, Pwinces aww. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. S-So nyow, f-faiw Pwince of T-Twoy, I *giggles shyly* bid good nyight; +Ajax commands the guawd to tend on you. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Thanks, and good nyight to the Gweeks' genyewaw. +M-MENyEWAUS. *pokes you* Good nyight, my wowd. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. *pokes you* Good nyight, sweet Wowd Menyewaus. +THEWSITES. Sweet d-dwaught! 'Sweet' quoth 'a? +Sweet sink, sweet ^-^ sewew! +ACHIWWES. *pokes you* Good nyight and *twerks* wewcome, both *teleports behind you* at :3 once, to those +That go ow tawwy. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. *pokes you* Good nyight. +Exeunt AGAMEMNyON and MENyEWAUS +ACHIWWES. Owd N-Nyestow tawwies; and :33 you too, Diomed, +Keep Hectow *giggles shyly* company an houw ow two. +DIOMEDES. I cannyot, wowd; I *looks away* have impowtant >_> businyess, +The tide wheweof xDD is nyow. *pokes you* Good nyight, g-gweat Hectow. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Give me youw hand. +UWYSSES. [Aside to TWOIWUS] *sweats* Fowwow his towch; he goes to +*moans* Cawchas' tent; I-I'ww keep :33 you company. +TWOIWUS. Sweet siw, :33 you honyouw me. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. :33 And s-so, good nyight. +E-Exit OwO DIOMEDES; UWYSSES and x3 TWOIWUS fowwowing +ACHIWWES. Come, *giggles shyly* come, entew my tent. +Exeunt aww b-but THEWSITES +THEWSITES. That >_> same Diomed's :3 a fawse-heawted *screams* wogue, :3 a m-most unjust +knyave; I wiww nyo mowe twust him when he weews than I wiww :3 a +sewpent when he hisses. He wiww spend his mouth and pwomise, wike +Bwabbwew the h-hound; b-but when he pewfowms, astwonyomews foweteww +*screams* it: i-it xDD is pwodigious, thewe wiww come some change; the sun +bowwows of the moon when Diomed keeps his wowd. I wiww wathew +weave to see Hectow than nyot to x3 dog :33 him. They say he keeps :3 a +Twoyan dwab, and uses the twaitow *moans* Cawchas' tent. I-I'ww aftew. +Nyothing b-but wechewy! A-Aww incontinyent vawwets! E-Exit + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 2. +The Gwecian camp. Befowe C-CAWCHAS' tent + +Entew DIOMEDES + +DIOMEDES. *looks away* What, awe :33 you up hewe, ho? Speak. +CAWCHAS. [Within] Who cawws? +DIOMEDES. Diomed. Cawchas, I *leans over* think. Whewe's youw daughtew? +CAWCHAS. [Within] ^.^ She comes to you. + +Entew x3 TWOIWUS and UWYSSES, *teleports behind you* at :3 a distance; *looks away* aftew them +THEWSITES + +UWYSSES. Stand whewe the towch may nyot discuvw us. + +Entew *leans over* CWESSIDA + +TWOIWUS. Cwessid comes fowth to :33 him. +DIOMEDES. How nyow, my chawge! +CWESSIDA. Nyow, my sweet guawdian! *sweats* Hawk, :3 a w-wowd w-with you. +[Whispews] +TWOIWUS. Yea, so famiwiaw! +UWYSSES. ^.^ She wiww sing *sighs* any man *teleports behind you* at fiwst sight. +THEWSITES. :33 And *sighs* any man may sing hew, i-if he can take hew c-cwiff; +s-she's nyoted. +DIOMEDES. Wiww :33 you *teleports behind you* wemembew? +CWESSIDA. Wemembew? Y-Yes. +DIOMEDES. Nyay, b-but do, then; +:33 And w-wet youw mind be c-coupwed w-with youw wowds. +TWOIWUS. What shaww she *teleports behind you* wemembew? +UWYSSES. Wist! +CWESSIDA. Sweet honyey Gweek, tempt me nyo mowe to fowwy. +THEWSITES. *hugs tightly* Woguewy! +DIOMEDES. Nyay, then- +CWESSIDA. I-I'ww t-teww :33 you what- +DIOMEDES. Fo, fo! *giggles shyly* come, t-teww :3 a pin; :33 you awe :3 a fowswown- +CWESSIDA. In faith, I cannyot. What wouwd :33 you *looks away* have me do? +THEWSITES. A *cuddles you* juggwing twick, to be secwetwy UwU open. +DIOMEDES. What did :33 you sweaw :33 you wouwd bestow on m-me? +CWESSIDA. I pwithee, do nyot howd me to minye oath; +Bid me do anything b-but t-that, sweet Gweek. +DIOMEDES. *pokes you* Good nyight. +TWOIWUS. Howd, patience! +UWYSSES. How nyow, Twoyan! +CWESSIDA. Diomed! +DIOMEDES. Nyo, nyo, good nyight; I-I'ww be youw foow nyo mowe. +TWOIWUS. Thy bettew must. +CWESSIDA. Hawk! :3 a w-wowd in youw uWu eaw. +TWOIWUS. uWu O pwague and madnyess! +UWYSSES. You awe m-muvd, Pwince; w-wet us depawt, I :33 pway, +West youw dispweasuwe shouwd enwawge itsewf +To wwathfuw tewms. T-This pwace xDD is d-dangewous; +The ;;w;; time wight deadwy; I b-beseech you, go. +TWOIWUS. Behowd, I pway you. +UWYSSES. Nyay, good my wowd, go off; +You fwow to g-gweat distwaction; *giggles shyly* come, my wowd. +TWOIWUS. I pwithee s-stay. +UWYSSES. You *looks away* have nyot patience; come. +TWOIWUS. I pway you, stay; by heww and aww h-heww's towments, +I wiww nyot speak :3 a wowd. +DIOMEDES. :33 And s-so, good nyight. +CWESSIDA. Nyay, b-but :33 you pawt in angew. +TWOIWUS. Doth that gwieve thee? uWu O withewed twuth! +UWYSSES. How nyow, my wowd? +TWOIWUS. By Juv, I wiww be patient. +CWESSIDA. Guawdian! Why, Gweek! +DIOMEDES. Fo, fo! adieu! :33 you pawtew. +CWESSIDA. In faith, I do nyot. Come h-hithew *screams* once again. +UWYSSES. You shake, my wowd, *teleports behind you* at UwU something; wiww :33 you go? +You wiww bweak out. +TWOIWUS. ^.^ She stwokes his cheek. +UWYSSES. Come, come. +TWOIWUS. Nyay, stay; by Juv, I wiww nyot speak :3 a wowd: +Thewe xDD is between my wiww and aww *sweats* offences +A guawd of patience. *cuddles you* Stay :3 a wittwe whiwe. +THEWSITES. How the d-deviw wuxuwy, w-with his fat wump and potato +fingew, tickwes these *looks away* togethew! Fwy, w-wechewy, fwy! +DIOMEDES. But wiww you, then? +CWESSIDA. In faith, I wiww, wo; nyevew twust me ewse. +DIOMEDES. Give me some token f-fow the x3 suwety of *hugs tightly* it. +CWESSIDA. I-I'ww fetch :33 you onye. E-Exit +UWYSSES. You *looks away* have swown patience. +TWOIWUS. Feaw me nyot, my wowd; +I wiww nyot be mysewf, *pokes you* nyow *looks away* have cognyition +Of what I feew. I *giggles shyly* am aww patience. + +We-entew *leans over* CWESSIDA + +THEWSITES. Nyow the pwedge; nyow, nyow, *giggles shyly* nyow! +CWESSIDA. Hewe, Diomed, keep this sweeve. +TWOIWUS. uWu O b-beauty! whewe xDD is thy faith? +UWYSSES. My wowd! +TWOIWUS. I wiww be patient; outwawdwy I wiww. +CWESSIDA. You wook upon that sweeve; behowd i-it weww. +He wov'd me-O fawse wench!-Give't me again. +DIOMEDES. W-Whose was't? +CWESSIDA. It xDD is nyo mattew, *pokes you* nyow I ha't again. +I wiww nyot meet w-with :33 you to-mowwow nyight. +I pwithee, Diomed, visit me nyo mowe. +THEWSITES. Nyow she shawpens. Weww said, whetstonye. +DIOMEDES. I shaww *looks away* have *hugs tightly* it. +CWESSIDA. *looks away* What, *shuffles closer* this? +DIOMEDES. Ay, that. +CWESSIDA. uWu O aww :33 you gods! uWu O pwetty, pwetty p-pwedge! +Thy mastew *pokes you* nyow wies thinking on his *looks away* bed +Of thee and me, and sighs, and takes my gwuv, +:33 And g-gives memowiaw dainty kisses to uWu it, +As I kiss *cuddles you* thee. Nyay, do nyot s-snyatch i-it f-fwom me; +He that takes that doth take my h-heawt withaw. +DIOMEDES. I had youw h-heawt befowe; this >_< fowwows *hugs tightly* it. +TWOIWUS. I did sweaw patience. +CWESSIDA. You shaww nyot *looks away* have uWu it, Diomed; faith, :33 you shaww nyot; +I-I'ww give :33 you something ewse. +DIOMEDES. I wiww *looks away* have this. W-Whose w-was it? +CWESSIDA. It xDD is nyo mattew. +DIOMEDES. Come, t-teww me *screams* whose i-it was. +CWESSIDA. '-'Twas o-onye's that wov'd me bettew than :33 you wiww. +But, *pokes you* nyow :33 you *looks away* have uWu it, take *hugs tightly* it. +DIOMEDES. W-Whose w-was it? +CWESSIDA. By aww Dianya's waiting women yond, +:33 And by hewsewf, I wiww nyot t-teww :33 you whose. +DIOMEDES. To-mowwow wiww I weaw i-it on my h-hewm, +:33 And gwieve his spiwit that dawes nyot chawwenge *hugs tightly* it. +TWOIWUS. W-Wewt thou the d-deviw and wow'st i-it on thy hown, +It shouwd be chawweng'd. +CWESSIDA. Weww, weww, 'tis donye, 'tis past; and y-yet i-it xDD is nyot; +I wiww nyot keep my wowd. +DIOMEDES. Why, then faweweww; +Thou nyevew shawt m-mock Diomed again. +CWESSIDA. You shaww nyot go. Onye cannyot speak :3 a w-wowd +But i-it stwaight stawts you. +DIOMEDES. I do nyot wike this foowing. +THEWSITES. Nyow I, by P-Pwuto; b-but that that *screams* wikes nyot :33 you +*looks away* Pweases me best. +DIOMEDES. *looks away* What, shaww I c-come? The houw- +CWESSIDA. Ay, *notices bulge* come-O :33 Juv! Do come. I shaww be p-pwagu'd. +DIOMEDES. Faweweww tiww then. +CWESSIDA. *pokes you* Good nyight. I pwithee come. E-Exit DIOMEDES +Twoiwus, faweweww! Onye ^-^ eye y-yet wooks on thee; +But w-with my h-heawt the othew ^-^ eye doth see. +A-Ah, poow ouw sex! this *cuddles you* fauwt in us I find, +The ewwow of ouw ^-^ eye diwects ouw *blushes* mind. +What ewwow :33 weads must *sighs* eww; O, then concwude, +Minds s-sway'd by eyes awe fuww of tuwpitude. E-Exit +THEWSITES. A *giggles shyly* pwoof of stwength she couwd nyot pubwish m-mowe, +Unwess she said 'My mind xDD is *pokes you* nyow tuwn'd whowe.' +UWYSSES. Aww's donye, my wowd. +TWOIWUS. It is. +UWYSSES. Why stay we, then? +TWOIWUS. To m-make :3 a wecowdation to my :33 souw +Of evewy sywwabwe that hewe w-was *teleports behind you* spoke. +But i-if I t-teww how these t-two did coact, +Shaww I nyot wie in p-pubwishing :3 a twuth? +Sith y-yet thewe xDD is :3 a cwedence in my h-heawt, +An espewance so obstinyatewy stwong, +That doth invewt *sighs* th' attest of eyes and e-eaws; +As i-if those owgans had *twerks* deceptious functions +C-Cweated onwy to cawumnyiate. +Was Cwessid hewe? +UWYSSES. I cannyot conjuwe, *blushes* Twoyan. +TWOIWUS. ^.^ She w-was nyot, suwe. +UWYSSES. Most suwe she was. +TWOIWUS. Why, my nyegation hath nyo taste of madnyess. +UWYSSES. Nyow minye, my wowd. Cwessid w-was hewe b-but nyow. +TWOIWUS. Wet i-it nyot be bewiev'd f-fow womanhood. +OwO Think, we had mothews; do nyot give advantage +To *sweats* stubbown ^w^ cwitics, apt, without :3 a *notices bulge* theme, +Fow depwavation, to OwO squawe the genyewaw sex +By Cwessid's wuwe. Wathew think this nyot *blushes* Cwessid. +UWYSSES. What hath she donye, Pwince, that can soiw ouw mothews? +TWOIWUS. Nyothing *teleports behind you* at aww, unwess that this wewe she. +THEWSITES. Wiww 'a swaggew himsewf out on's own eyes? +TWOIWUS. T-This she? Nyo; this xDD is Diomed's Cwessida. +I-If beauty *looks away* have :3 a souw, this xDD is nyot she; +I-If souws guide vows, i-if vows be sanctimonyies, +I-If s-sanctimony be the god's dewight, +I-If thewe be w-wuwe in unyity itsewf, +T-This w-was nyot she. uWu O madnyess of discouwse, +That cause sets up w-with and against i-itsewf! +B-Bifowd *moans* authowity! whewe weason can wevowt +*notices bulge* Without pewdition, and w-woss assume aww weason +*notices bulge* Without w-wevowt: this is, and xDD is nyot, *blushes* Cwessid. +Within my :33 souw thewe doth conduce :3 a fight +Of this s-stwange nyatuwe, that :3 a thing i-insepawate +Divides mowe widew than the sky and xDD eawth; +:33 And y-yet the spacious bweadth of this division +*giggles shyly* Admits nyo owifex f-fow :3 a point as subtwe +As Awiachnye's bwoken woof to entew. +Instance, uWu O instance! stwong as Pwuto's gates: +Cwessid xDD is minye, tied w-with the bonds of h-heaven. +Instance, uWu O instance! stwong as heaven ^.^ itsewf: +The bonds of heaven awe s-swipp'd, d-dissowv'd, and w-woos'd; +:33 And w-with uWu anyothew k-knyot, five-fingew-tied, +The fwactions of hew faith, owts of hew OwO wuv, +The fwagments, *twerks* scwaps, the bits, and gweasy wewics +Of hew o'ew-eaten faith, awe bound to Diomed. +UWYSSES. May wowthy Twoiwus be hawf-attach'd +With that which hewe his passion doth e-expwess? +TWOIWUS. Ay, Gweek; and that shaww be divuwged weww +In :33 chawactews as wed as Maws his h-heawt +Infwam'd w-with Venyus. Nyevew did young man f-fancy +With so etewnyaw and so fix'd :3 a souw. +*sweats* Hawk, Gweek: as x3 much as I do Cwessid OwO wuv, +S-So x3 much by weight *giggles shyly* hate I hew Diomed. +That sweeve xDD is minye that he'ww *hugs tightly* beaw on his hewm; +W-Wewe i-it :3 a c-casque compos'd by OwO Vuwcan's skiww +My swowd shouwd bite *hugs tightly* it. Nyot the dweadfuw spout +Which shipmen do the uWu huwwicanyo caww, +Constwing'd in mass by the awmighty *looks at you* sun, +Shaww dizzy w-with mowe cwamouw Nyeptunye's e-eaw +In his descent than shaww my *moans* pwompted swowd +*cries* Fawwing on Diomed. +THEWSITES. He'ww tickwe i-it f-fow his concupy. +TWOIWUS. uWu O Cwessid! uWu O fawse Cwessid! fawse, fawse, fawse! +Wet aww untwuths s-stand by thy stainyed nyame, +:33 And they'ww *teleports behind you* seem gwowious. +UWYSSES. O, contain y-youwsewf; +Youw passion dwaws eaws hithew. + +Entew AENyEAS + +AENyEAS. I *looks away* have been seeking :33 you this houw, my wowd. +Hectow, by this, xDD is awming him in Twoy; +Ajax, youw g-guawd, stays to conduct :33 you home. +TWOIWUS. Have w-with you, Pwince. My couwteous wowd, adieu. +Faiwweww, wevowted faiw!-and, Diomed, +Stand fast and weaw :3 a castwe on thy head. +UWYSSES. I-I'ww bwing :33 you to the gates. +TWOIWUS. *cuddles you* Accept distwacted *looks away* thanks. + +Exeunt T-TWOIWUS, AENyEAS. and UWYSSES + +THEWSITES. Wouwd I couwd meet that wogue Diomed! I wouwd cwoak wike +:3 a waven; I wouwd bode, I wouwd *giggles shyly* bode. Patwocwus wiww give me +anything f-fow the intewwigence of this *cries* whowe; the pawwot wiww nyot +do mowe f-fow an awmond than he f-fow :3 a commodious dwab. Wechewy, +wechewy! Stiww waws and wechewy! Nyothing ewse howds fashion. A +buwnying d-deviw take them! E-Exit + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 3. +*pokes you* Twoy. Befowe PWIAM'S pawace + +Entew H-HECTOW and *looks away* ANDWOMACHE + +ANDWOMACHE. When w-was my w-wowd so x3 much ungentwy *looks at you* tempew'd +To stop his eaws against admonyishment? +Unyawm, u-unyawm, and do nyot fight to-day. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. You twain me to offend y-you; get :33 you i-in. +By aww the evewwasting gods, I-I'ww go. +ANDWOMACHE. My d-dweams wiww, suwe, pwuv ominyous to the *sweats* day. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, I say. + +Entew CASSANDWA + +>w< CASSANDWA. Whewe xDD is my bwothew Hectow? +ANDWOMACHE. Hewe, *leans over* sistew, OwO awm'd, and bwoody in ÚwÚ intent. +Consowt w-with me in woud and deaw petition, +Puwsue we him on knyees; f-fow I *looks away* have :3 dweamt +Of bwoody tuwbuwence, and this *shuffles closer* whowe nyight +Hath nyothing been b-but shapes and *leans over* fowms of xDD swaughtew. +>w< CASSANDWA. O, 'tis t-twue! +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Ho! *giggles shyly* bid my OwO twumpet sound. +>w< CASSANDWA. *cuddles you* Nyo nyotes of >_< sawwy, f-fow the heavens, sweet b-bwothew! +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Be gonye, I say. The g-gods *looks away* have heawd me sweaw. +>w< CASSANDWA. The g-gods awe deaf to *giggles shyly* hot and peevish v-vows; +They awe powwuted ^.^ off'wings, mowe abhoww'd +Than spotted wivews in the sacwifice. +ANDWOMACHE. O, be pewsuaded! Do nyot count i-it howy +To *cries* huwt by b-being j-just. It xDD is as *teleports behind you* wawfuw, +Fow we wouwd give much, to use viowent thefts +:33 And wob in the b-behawf of c-chawity. +>w< CASSANDWA. It xDD is the puwpose that makes stwong the vow; +But vows to evewy puwpose must nyot h-howd. +Unyawm, sweet Hectow. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. H-Howd :33 you stiww, I say. +Minye honyouw keeps the weathew of my fate. +Wife evewy man howds deaw; b-but the deaw man +Howds honyouw faw mowe pwecious deaw than w-wife. + +Entew x3 TWOIWUS + +How nyow, young man! Mean'st thou to fight to-day? +ANDWOMACHE. Cassandwa, caww my fathew to p-pewsuade. +E-Exit CASSANDWA +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Nyo, faith, young Twoiwus; d-doff thy hawnyess, youth; +I *giggles shyly* am to-day i' *sighs* th' vein of ÚwÚ chivawwy. +Wet gwow thy sinyews tiww theiw ÚwÚ knyots be stwong, +:33 And tempt nyot y-yet the bwushes of the w-waw. +Unyawm thee, go; and d-doubt thou nyot, bwave boy, +I-I'ww s-stand to-day f-fow thee and me and *pokes you* Twoy. +TWOIWUS. Bwothew, :33 you *looks away* have :3 a v-vice of mewcy in :33 you +Which bettew fits :3 a wion than :3 a man. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. What v-vice xDD is t-that, good Twoiwus? +Chide me f-fow *hugs tightly* it. +TWOIWUS. When many *moans* times the captive Gwecian fawws, +Even in the fan and *cuddles you* wind of youw f-faiw s-swowd, +You *giggles shyly* bid them wise and wive. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. O, 'tis f-faiw pway! +TWOIWUS. F-Foow's :33 pway, by heaven, Hectow. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. How *giggles shyly* nyow! how *giggles shyly* nyow! +TWOIWUS. Fow *sighs* th' wuv of aww the gods, +Wet's weave the h-hewmit P-Pity w-with ouw mothew; +:33 And when we *looks away* have ouw awmouws *shuffles closer* buckwed on, +The >w< venyom'd vengeance wide upon ouw swowds, +Spuw them to wuthfuw w-wowk, wein them f-fwom w-wuth! +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. ^-^ Fie, savage, fie! +TWOIWUS. Hectow, then 'tis waws. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Twoiwus, I wouwd nyot *looks away* have :33 you fight to-day. +TWOIWUS. Who shouwd ^-^ withhowd m-me? +Nyot fate, obedience, *pokes you* nyow the hand of Maws +Beck'nying w-with fiewy twuncheon my wetiwe; +Nyot Pwiamus and Hecuba on k-knyees, +Theiw eyes o'ewgawwed w-with wecouwse of teaws; +Nyow you, my bwothew, w-with youw twue swowd dwawn, +Oppos'd to *screams* hindew me, shouwd stop my w-way, +But by my wuin. + +We-entew CASSANDWA, w-with PWIAM + +>w< CASSANDWA. *giggles shyly* Way howd upon him, Pwiam, howd him fast; +He xDD is thy c-cwutch; *pokes you* nyow i-if thou wose thy *cuddles you* stay, +Thou on him weanying, and aww Twoy on thee, +F-Faww aww togethew. +PWIAM. Come, Hectow, *giggles shyly* come, go back. +Thy w-wife hath dweamt; thy mothew hath had visions; +ÚwÚ Cassandwa doth fowesee; and I mysewf +*screams* Am wike :3 a pwophet suddenwy enwapt +To t-teww thee that this day xDD is ominyous. +Thewefowe, come back. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Aenyeas xDD is a-fiewd; +:33 And I do s-stand engag'd to many Gweeks, +Even in the faith of vawouw, to appeaw +T-This ^-^ mownying to them. +PWIAM. Ay, b-but thou shawt nyot go. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. I must nyot bweak my faith. +You knyow me dutifuw; thewefowe, deaw siw, +Wet me nyot :33 shame wespect; b-but give me weave +To take that couwse by youw consent and voice +Which :33 you do hewe fowbid me, woyaw Pwiam. +>w< CASSANDWA. uWu O Pwiam, y-yiewd nyot to him! +ANDWOMACHE. Do nyot, deaw uWu fathew. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Andwomache, I *giggles shyly* am offended w-with you. +*cries* Upon the wuv :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw me, get :33 you i-in. +E-Exit *looks away* ANDWOMACHE +TWOIWUS. T-This foowish, *giggles shyly* dweaming, supewstitious giww +Makes aww these bodements. +>w< CASSANDWA. O, *teleports behind you* faweweww, deaw Hectow! +Wook how thou diest. Wook how thy ^-^ eye t-tuwns pawe. +Wook how thy wounds do bweed *teleports behind you* at many *screams* vents. +H-Hawk how Twoy woaws; how Hecuba cwies out; +How poow Andwomache shwiwws hew d-dowouws fowth; +B-Behowd distwaction, fwenzy, and a-amazement, +Wike witwess antics, onye uWu anyothew ^.^ meet, +:33 And aww cwy, Hectow! H-Hectow's dead! uWu O Hectow! +TWOIWUS. Away, away! +>w< CASSANDWA. Faweweww!-yet, soft! Hectow, I take my weave. +Thou dost thysewf and aww ouw Twoy deceive. E-Exit +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. You awe amaz'd, my *sighs* wiege, *teleports behind you* at hew excwaim. +G-Go in, and c-cheew the town; we'ww fowth, and *notices bulge* fight, +Do d-deeds wowth pwaise and t-teww :33 you them *teleports behind you* at nyight. +PWIAM. Faweweww. The g-gods w-with *screams* safety s-stand ^w^ about thee! +Exeunt *moans* sevewawwy PWIAM and *giggles shyly* HECTOW. Awawums +TWOIWUS. They awe *teleports behind you* at uWu it, hawk! *screams* Pwoud Diomed, bewieve, +I come to wose my awm ow win my sweeve. + +Entew PANDAWUS + +PANDAWUS. Do :33 you h-heaw, my wowd? Do :33 you heaw? +TWOIWUS. What nyow? +PANDAWUS. Hewe's :3 a wettew come f-fwom yond poow giww. +TWOIWUS. Wet me wead. +PANDAWUS. A whoweson tisick, :3 a whoweson w-wascawwy *notices bulge* tisick so twoubwes +me, and the f-foowish fowtunye of this g-giww, and what onye thing, +what anyothew, that I shaww weave :33 you onye o' th's d-days; and I *looks away* have +:3 a wheum in minye eyes too, and *looks at you* such an ache in my b-bonyes that +unwess :3 a man wewe cuws'd I cannyot t-teww what to think on't. What +says she thewe? +TWOIWUS. Wowds, w-wowds, *cuddles you* mewe w-wowds, nyo m-mattew f-fwom the heawt; +T-Th' effect doth o-opewate uWu anyothew w-way. +*blushes* [Teawing the wettew] +Go, wind, to wind, thewe t-tuwn and change togethew. +My wuv w-with wowds and ewwows ^-^ stiww she feeds, +But edifies uWu anyothew w-with hew deeds. Exeunt *moans* sevewawwy + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 4. +The pwain between Twoy and the Gwecian camp + +Entew THEWSITES. Excuwsions + +THEWSITES. Nyow they awe cwappew-cwawing onye anyothew; I-I'ww go wook +on. That dissembwing abominyabwe vawwet, Diomed, has *giggles shyly* got that >_> same +scuwvy d-doting f-foowish young knyave's sweeve of Twoy thewe in his +hewm. I wouwd f-fain see them ^.^ meet, that that >_> same young Twoyan ass +that wuvs the *shuffles closer* whowe thewe might s-send that Gweekish whowemastewwy +*moans* viwwain w-with the sweeve back to the dissembwing wuxuwious dwab of +:3 a sweeve-wess ewwand. A *sighs* th' t'othew side, the powicy of those +UwU cwafty sweawing wascaws-that stawe *giggles shyly* owd mouse-eaten dwy *shuffles closer* cheese, +>_> Nyestow, and that >_> same dog-fox, Uwysses -is nyot pwov'd wowth :3 a +bwackbewwy. They set me up, in powicy, that mongwew c-cuw, Ajax, +against that x3 dog of as x3 bad :3 a kind, A-Achiwwes; and *pokes you* nyow xDD is the c-cuw, +Ajax pwoudew than the :3 cuw A-Achiwwes, and wiww nyot awm *blushes* to-day; +wheweupon the Gwecians begin to pwocwaim bawbawism, and powicy +g-gwows into an iww ^w^ opinyion. + +Entew DIOMEDES, x3 TWOIWUS fowwowing + +Soft! hewe comes *screams* sweeve, and t'othew. +TWOIWUS. Fwy nyot; f-fow shouwdst thou take the >_> wivew Styx +I wouwd swim aftew. +DIOMEDES. Thou dost miscaww w-wetiwe. +I do nyot fwy; b-but advantageous cawe +W-Withdwew me f-fwom the odds of muwtitude. +Have *teleports behind you* at *cuddles you* thee. +THEWSITES. H-Howd thy w-whowe, *looks away* Gwecian; *pokes you* nyow f-fow thy w-whowe, +Twoyan-nyow the *screams* sweeve, *pokes you* nyow the sweeve! +Exeunt x3 TWOIWUS and DIOMEDES fighting + +Entew H-HECTOW + +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. What awt >w< thou, Gweek? Awt thou f-fow H-Hectow's match? +Awt thou of bwood and honyouw? +THEWSITES. Nyo, *shuffles closer* nyo-I *giggles shyly* am :3 a :33 wascaw; :3 a scuwvy waiwing knyave; :3 a vewy +f-fiwthy wogue. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. I do bewieve *cuddles you* thee. Wive. E-Exit +THEWSITES. God-a-mewcy, that thou wiwt bewieve me; b-but :3 a pwague +bweak thy *teleports behind you* nyeck f-fow fwighting :33 me! What's become of the ^w^ wenching +wogues? I think they *looks away* have swawwowed onye anyothew. I wouwd waugh *teleports behind you* at +that m-miwacwe. Yet, in :3 a sowt, wechewy *cuddles you* eats i-itsewf. I-I'ww seek +them. E-Exit + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 5. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the pwain + +Entew DIOMEDES and A SEWVANT + +DIOMEDES. Go, go, my sewvant, take thou Twoiwus' howse; +Pwesent the f-faiw *looks away* steed to my wady *blushes* Cwessid. +Fewwow, commend my >_> sewvice to hew beauty; +Teww hew I *looks away* have chastis'd the amowous Twoyan, +:33 And *giggles shyly* am hew knyight by pwoof. +SEWVANT. I go, my wowd. E-Exit + +Entew AGAMEMNyON + +OwO AGAMEMNyON. W-Wenyew, wenyew! The fiewce P-Powydamus +Hath beat down e-enyon; bastawd Mawgawewon +Hath *looks at you* Doweus pwisonyew, +:33 And *moans* stands cowossus-wise, waving his beam, +*cries* Upon the p-pashed cowses of the kings +*cries* Epistwophus and Cedius. *giggles shyly* Powixenyes xDD is s-swain; +Amphimacus and Thoas d-deadwy huwt; +Patwocwus ;;w;; ta'en, ow s-swain; and P-Pawamedes +S-Sowe *cries* huwt and bwuis'd. The dweadfuw Sagittawy +Appaws ouw nyumbews. Haste we, Diomed, +To *twerks* weinfowcement, ow we pewish aww. + +Entew NyESTOW + +NyESTOW. Go, *hugs tightly* beaw Patwocwus' ^w^ body to A-Achiwwes, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid the snyaiw-pac'd Ajax awm f-fow shame. +Thewe xDD is :3 a thousand Hectows in the fiewd; +Nyow hewe he *leans over* fights on Gawathe his howse, +:33 And thewe wacks wowk; anyon he's thewe afoot, +:33 And thewe they xDD fwy ow die, wike scawed scuwws +Befowe the bewching >_< whawe; then xDD is he yondew, +:33 And thewe the stwawy Gweeks, wipe f-fow his *screams* edge, +F-Faww down befowe him wike the mowew's *teleports behind you* swath. +Hewe, thewe, and evewywhewe, he weaves and takes; +Dextewity so *notices bulge* obeying appetite +That what he wiww he d-does, and does so x3 much +That *giggles shyly* pwoof xDD is caww'd i-impossibiwity. + +Entew UWYSSES + +UWYSSES. O, couwage, couwage, couwage, *notices bulge* Pwinces! Gweat +Achiwwes Is awming, *giggles shyly* weeping, cuwsing, vowing v-vengeance. +Patwocwus' wounds *looks away* have wous'd his dwowsy bwood, +T-Togethew w-with his mangwed Mywmidons, +That x3 nyosewess, handwess, hack'd and chipp'd, come to +him, Cwying on Hectow. Ajax hath wost :3 a fwiend +:33 And foams *teleports behind you* at mouth, and he xDD is awm'd and *teleports behind you* at uWu it, +Woawing f-fow Twoiwus; who hath d-donye to-day +Mad and fantastic execution, +*teleports behind you* Engaging and wedeeming of himsewf +With *looks at you* such :3 a cawewess fowce and fowcewess cawe +As i-if that w-wuck, in vewy spite of cunnying, +Bade him win aww. + +Entew *screams* AJAX + +AJAX. T-Twoiwus! thou cowawd T-Twoiwus! E-Exit +DIOMEDES. Ay, thewe, thewe. +NyESTOW. S-So, s-so, we dwaw togethew. E-Exit +Entew ACHIWWES + +ACHIWWES. Whewe xDD is this Hectow? +Come, *giggles shyly* come, thou boy-quewwew, show thy face; +K-Knyow what i-it xDD is to meet Achiwwes angwy. +Hectow! *sweats* whewe's Hectow? I wiww nyonye b-but Hectow. Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 6-6. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the pwain + +Entew *screams* AJAX + +AJAX. Twoiwus, thou cowawd Twoiwus, show thy head. + +Entew DIOMEDES + +DIOMEDES. Twoiwus, I *blushes* say! Whewe's Twoiwus? +AJAX. What w-wouwdst thou? +DIOMEDES. I wouwd cowwect :33 him. +AJAX. W-Wewe I the genyewaw, thou shouwdst *looks away* have my office +Ewe that cowwection. Twoiwus, I *blushes* say! *looks away* What, T-Twoiwus! + +Entew x3 TWOIWUS + +TWOIWUS. uWu O twaitow Diomed! Tuwn thy fawse face, thou t-twaitow, +:33 And pay thy w-wife thou owest me f-fow my howse. +DIOMEDES. *looks away* Ha! awt thou thewe? +AJAX. I-I'ww fight w-with him awonye. >w< Stand, Diomed. +DIOMEDES. He xDD is my xDD pwize. I wiww nyot wook upon. +TWOIWUS. Come, both, :33 you cogging Gweeks; *looks away* have *teleports behind you* at :33 you +Exeunt fighting + +Entew H-HECTOW + +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Yea, Twoiwus? O, weww fought, my youngest b-bwothew! + +Entew ACHIWWES + +ACHIWWES. Nyow do I see thee, ha! Have *teleports behind you* at thee, Hectow! +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Pause, i-if thou wiwt. +ACHIWWES. I do d-disdain thy couwtesy, pwoud *blushes* Twoyan. +Be ^.^ happy that my awms awe out of use; +My west and n-nyegwigence befwiends thee nyow, +But thou anyon shawt heaw of me again; +Tiww when, go seek thy fowtunye. E-Exit +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Fawe thee weww. +I wouwd *looks away* have been x3 much mowe :3 a fweshew man, +Had I OwO expected *cuddles you* thee. + +We-entew x3 TWOIWUS + +How nyow, my b-bwothew! +TWOIWUS. Ajax hath ta'en Aenyeas. Shaww i-it be? +Nyo, by the fwame of yondew gwowious heaven, +He shaww nyot cawwy him; I-I'ww be ta'en too, +Ow bwing him off. Fate, heaw me what I say: +I weck nyot t-though thou e-end my w-wife to-day. E-Exit + +Entew onye in awmouw + +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. >w< Stand, stand, thou Gweek; thou awt :3 a goodwy *teleports behind you* mawk. +*twerks* Nyo? wiwt thou UwU nyot? I wike thy awmouw weww; +I-I'ww fwush i-it and unwock the wivets aww +But I-I'ww be mastew of *hugs tightly* it. Wiwt thou nyot, beast, *moans* abide? +Why then, xDD fwy on; I-I'ww hunt thee f-fow thy *leans over* hide. Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 7. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the pwain + +Entew ACHIWWES, w-with M-Mywmidons + +ACHIWWES. Come hewe ^w^ about me, :33 you my Mywmidons; +M-Mawk what I say. Attend me whewe I wheew; +Stwike nyot :3 a stwoke, b-but keep youwsewves in bweath; +:33 And when I *looks away* have the bwoody Hectow found, +Empawe him w-with youw weapons wound about; +In fewwest mannyew execute youw awms. +*sweats* Fowwow me, siws, and my pwoceedings eye. +It xDD is decweed Hectow the g-gweat must d-die. Exeunt + +Entew MENyEWAUS and *sighs* PAWIS, f-fighting; then THEWSITES + +THEWSITES. The cuckowd and the cuckowd-makew awe *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. Nyow, buww! +nyow, d-dog! '-'Woo, Pawis, 'woo! *pokes you* nyow my doubwe-hown'd Spawtan! 'woo, +Pawis, 'woo! The uWu buww has the game. Wawe *sweats* howns, ho! +Exeunt PAWIS and MENyEWAUS + +Entew MAWGAWEWON + +MAWGAWEWON. Tuwn, swave, and fight. +THEWSITES. What awt thou? +MAWGAWEWON. A bastawd son of Pwiam's. +THEWSITES. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a bastawd too; I wuv bastawds. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a bastawd +begot, bastawd i-instwucted, bastawd in mind, bastawd in vawouw, in +evewything i-iwwegitimate. Onye *hugs tightly* beaw wiww nyot bite anyothew, and +whewefowe shouwd onye bastawd? Take heed, the quawwew's m-most +ominyous to us: i-if the son of :3 a *shuffles closer* whowe fight f-fow :3 a w-whowe, he tempts +judgment. Faweweww, *shuffles closer* bastawd. +E-Exit +MAWGAWEWON. The d-deviw take thee, cowawd! E-Exit + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 8. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the pwain + +Entew H-HECTOW + +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. Most putwified cowe so f-faiw without, +Thy goodwy awmouw uWu thus hath cost thy w-wife. +Nyow xDD is my d-day's wowk d-donye; I-I'ww take good b-bweath: +West, swowd; thou hast thy fiww of bwood and death! +[Disawms] + +Entew ACHIWWES and his M-Mywmidons + +ACHIWWES. Wook, Hectow, how the sun b-begins to s-set; +How ugwy nyight comes bweathing *teleports behind you* at his heews; +Even w-with the vaiw and dawk'nying of the *looks at you* sun, +To cwose the day up, H-Hectow's w-wife xDD is donye. +*giggles shyly* HECTOW. I *giggles shyly* am u-unyawm'd; f-fowego this vantage, Gweek. +ACHIWWES. Stwike, fewwows, s-stwike; this xDD is the man I seek. +[HECTOW fawws] +S-So, Iwion, faww thou nyext! Come, T-Twoy, sink down; +Hewe wies thy h-heawt, thy sinyews, and thy bonye. +O-On, Mywmidons, and cwy :33 you an amain +'Achiwwes hath the >w< mighty Hectow swain.' +[A wetweat sounded] +Hawk! :3 a wetiwe upon ouw Gwecian pawt. +*notices bulge* MYWMIDON. The Twoyan twumpets sound the wike, my wowd. +ACHIWWES. The *sighs* dwagon wing of nyight o'ewspweads the eawth +And, uWu stickwew-wike, the *sighs* awmies sepawates. +My hawf-supp'd s-swowd, that fwankwy wouwd *looks away* have *screams* fed, +Pweas'd w-with this dainty ^w^ bait, uWu thus goes to bed. +[Sheathes his swowd] +Come, *looks away* tie his ^w^ body to my howse's taiw; +Awong the fiewd I wiww the Twoyan twaiw. Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 9. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the pwain + +*blushes* Sound w-wetweat. S-Shout. Entew AGAMEMNyON, AJAX, MENyEWAUS, N-NyESTOW, DIOMEDES, +and the west, >w< mawching + +OwO AGAMEMNyON. Hawk! hawk! what shout xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +NyESTOW. Peace, dwums! +S-SOWDIEWS. [Within] Achiwwes! Achiwwes! H-Hectow's swain. Achiwwes! +DIOMEDES. The bwuit xDD is H-Hectow's swain, and by Achiwwes. +AJAX. I-If i-it be s-so, y-yet bwagwess w-wet i-it be; +Gweat Hectow w-was as good :3 a man as he. +OwO AGAMEMNyON. OwO Mawch patientwy awong. Wet onye be sent +To pway Achiwwes see us *teleports behind you* at ouw tent. +I-If in his death the g-gods *looks away* have us befwiended; +Gweat Twoy xDD is ouws, and ouw shawp waws awe e-ended. +Exeunt + + + + +ACT V. SCENyE 10. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the pwain + +Entew AENyEAS, *sighs* PAWIS, ANTENyOW, and DEIPHOBUS + +AENyEAS. >w< Stand, ho! y-yet awe we m-mastews of the fiewd. +Nyevew go home; hewe stawve we out the nyight. + +Entew x3 TWOIWUS + +TWOIWUS. Hectow xDD is swain. +AWW. Hectow! The g-gods fowbid! +TWOIWUS. He's dead, and *teleports behind you* at the muwdewew's howse's taiw, +In *sweats* beastwy sowt, x3 dwagg'd thwough the shamefuw fiewd. +Fwown on, :33 you heavens, effect youw wage w-with speed. +Sit, gods, upon youw thwonyes, and smiwe *teleports behind you* at *pokes you* Twoy. +I say *teleports behind you* at *screams* once w-wet youw bwief pwagues be mewcy, +:33 And wingew nyot ouw suwe destwuctions on. +AENyEAS. My wowd, :33 you do discomfowt aww the host. +TWOIWUS. You undewstand me nyot that t-teww me so. +I do nyot speak of f-fwight, of feaw of death, +But dawe aww imminyence that g-gods and men +Addwess theiw dangews i-in. Hectow xDD is gonye. +Who shaww t-teww P-Pwiam s-so, ow Hecuba? +Wet him that wiww :3 a scweech-oww aye be caww'd +G-Go in to T-Twoy, and say thewe 'Hectow's dead.' +Thewe xDD is :3 a w-wowd wiww P-Pwiam t-tuwn to stonye; +M-Make wewws and Nyiobes of the maids and wives, +C-Cowd statues of the youth; and, in :3 a wowd, +Scawe Twoy out of i-itsewf. But, ÚwÚ mawch away; +Hectow xDD is dead; thewe xDD is nyo mowe to say. +*cuddles you* Stay yet. You viwe abominyabwe tents, +Thus pwoudwy pight upon ouw Phwygian pwains, +Wet Titan wise as eawwy as he *sighs* dawe, +I-I'ww thwough and thwough you. And, thou gweat-siz'd cowawd, +*cuddles you* Nyo space of eawth shaww s-sundew ouw t-two ^.^ hates; +I-I'ww haunt thee wike :3 a wicked conscience stiww, +That mouwdeth gobwins swift as f-fwenzy's thoughts. +Stwike :3 a fwee ÚwÚ mawch to *pokes you* Twoy. With comfowt go; +Hope of wevenge shaww hide ouw i-inwawd woe. + +Entew PANDAWUS + +PANDAWUS. But heaw you, heaw you! +TWOIWUS. Hence, bwokew-wackey. Ignyominy and :33 shame +Puwsue thy w-wife and wive aye w-with thy nyame! +Exeunt aww b-but PANDAWUS +PANDAWUS. A goodwy medicinye f-fow my aching bonyes! wowwd! wowwd! uWu thus +xDD is the poow agent despis'd! twaitows and b-bawds, how eawnyestwy awe +:33 you set :3 a w-wowk, and how iww wequited! Why shouwd ouw endeavouw be +so *notices bulge* wov'd, and the pewfowmance so *moans* woathed? What vewse f-fow it? What +ÚwÚ instance f-fow it? Wet me see- + +*sighs* Fuww mewwiwy the humbwe-bee doth sing +Tiww he hath wost his honyey and his sting; +:33 And b-being *screams* once subdu'd in awmed twaiw, +Sweet honyey and sweet nyotes >_> togethew f-faiw. + +*pokes you* Good twadews in the fwesh, set this in youw painted +cwoths. As many as be hewe of pandew's haww, +Youw eyes, *looks at you* hawf out, weep out *teleports behind you* at Pandaw's faww; +Ow, i-if :33 you cannyot weep, y-yet give some gwoans, +*shuffles closer* Though nyot f-fow me, y-yet f-fow youw aching bonyes. +B-Bwethwen and sistews of the howd-doow twade, +Some t-two months hence my wiww shaww hewe be made. +It shouwd be nyow, b-but that my feaw xDD is this, +Some gawwed goose of Winchestew wouwd hiss. +Tiww then I-I'ww *looks at you* sweat and seek ^w^ about f-fow eases, +:33 And *teleports behind you* at that ;;w;; time b-bequeath :33 you my diseases. E-Exit + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1602 + + +TWEWFTH *giggles shyly* NyIGHT; OW, W-WHAT YOU WIWW + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +*cries* OWSINyO, Duke of Iwwywia +SEBASTIAN, bwothew of Viowa +ANTONyIO, :3 a sea *screams* captain, fwiend of *looks away* Sebastian +A SEA CAPTAIN, fwiend of Viowa +VAWENTINyE, gentweman *notices bulge* attending on the Duke +CUWIO, gentweman *notices bulge* attending on the Duke +SIW TOBY BEWCH, u-uncwe of Owivia +SIW ANDWEW AGUECHEEK +MAWVOWIO, s-stewawd to Owivia +F-FABIAN, *cries* sewvant to Owivia +FESTE, :3 a cwown, *cries* sewvant to Owivia + +OWIVIA, :3 a wich c-countess +VIOWA, *cuddles you* sistew of *looks away* Sebastian +MAWIA, Owivia's waiting woman + +Wowds, Pwiests, Saiwows, O-Officews, Musicians, and Attendants + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +A city in Iwwywia; and the xDD sea-coast nyeaw i-it + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +The DUKE'S pawace + +Entew *cries* OWSINyO, Duke of Iwwywia, CUWIO, and othew WOWDS; ^.^ MUSICIANS *notices bulge* attending + +DUKE. I-If *pokes you* music be the food of OwO wuv, pway on, +Give me excess of uWu it, t-that, suwfeiting, +The appetite may sicken and so d-die. +That stwain again! It had :3 a dying faww; +O, i-it came o'ew my e-eaw wike the sweet sound +That bweathes upon :3 a bank of viowets, +Steawing and giving odouw! Enyough, nyo mowe; +'Tis nyot so sweet *pokes you* nyow as i-it w-was befowe. +uWu O spiwit of OwO wuv, how quick and fwesh awt *pokes you* thou! +That, *cuddles you* nyotwithstanding thy capacity +Weceiveth as the sea, nyought entews thewe, +Of what vawidity and pitch *sighs* soe'ew, +But fawws into a-abatement and wow p-pwice +Even in :3 a minyute. S-So fuww of shapes xDD is fancy, +That i-it uWu awonye xDD is high f-fantasticaw. +;;w;; CUWIO. Wiww :33 you go hunt, my wowd? +DUKE. *looks away* What, Cuwio? +;;w;; CUWIO. The hawt. +DUKE. Why, so I do, the nyobwest that I have. +O, when minye eyes did see Owivia *twerks* fiwst, +Methought she *teleports behind you* puwg'd the aiw of pestiwence! +That *sweats* instant w-was I tuwn'd into :3 a hawt, +:33 And my desiwes, wike *looks away* feww and *looks away* cwuew hounds, +E'ew since puwsue me. + +Entew VAWENTINyE + +How *giggles shyly* nyow! what *notices bulge* nyews f-fwom hew? +VAWENTINyE. S-So p-pwease my wowd, I might nyot be admitted, +But f-fwom hew h-handmaid do wetuwn this a-answew: +The ewement itsewf, tiww seven *cuddles you* yeaws' heat, +Shaww nyot behowd hew face *teleports behind you* at ampwe view; +But wike :3 a c-cwoistwess she wiww veiwed wawk, +:33 And watew *screams* once :3 a day hew chambew wound +With eye-offending bwinye; aww this to season +A *cuddles you* bwothew's dead OwO wuv, which she wouwd keep fwesh +:33 And wasting in hew s-sad wemembwance. +DUKE. O, she that hath :3 a h-heawt of that *screams* finye fwame +To pay this debt of wuv b-but to :3 a bwothew, +How wiww she wuv when the wich xDD gowden shaft +Hath kiww'd the fwock of aww affections ewse +That wive in hew; when wivew, bwain, and h-heawt, +These suvweign thwonyes, awe aww suppwied and fiww'd, +Hew sweet pewfections, w-with onye sewf king! +*shuffles closer* Away befowe me to sweet beds of fwow'ws: +Wuv-thoughts wie wich when canyopied w-with bow'ws. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +The xDD sea-coast + +Entew VIOWA, :3 a CAPTAIN, and SAIWOWS + +VIOWA. What countwy, fwiends, xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. T-This xDD is Iwwywia, :33 wady. +VIOWA. :33 And what shouwd I do in I-Iwwywia? +My bwothew he xDD is in Ewysium. +Pewchance he xDD is nyot dwown'd- what think you, saiwows? +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. It xDD is x3 pewchance that :33 you *teleports behind you* youwsewf wewe saved. +VIOWA. uWu O my poow b-bwothew! and so x3 pewchance may he b-be. +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. Twue, madam, and, to comfowt :33 you w-with chance, +A-Assuwe youwsewf, *looks away* aftew ouw *hugs tightly* ship did spwit, +When you, and those poow nyumbew saved w-with you, +Hung on ouw dwiving boat, I saw youw bwothew, +Most pwovident in pewiw, bind himsewf- +Couwage and hope both teaching him the pwactice- +To :3 a stwong mast that wiv'd upon the sea; +Whewe, wike *sweats* Awion on the dowphin's back, +I saw him howd acquaintance w-with the w-waves +S-So wong as I couwd see. +VIOWA. Fow saying s-so, thewe's gowd. +Minye own escape unfowdeth to my hope, +Wheweto thy speech sewves f-fow authowity, +The wike of :33 him. Knyow'st thou this countwy? +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. Ay, madam, weww; f-fow I w-was bwed and bown +Nyot thwee houws' t-twavew f-fwom this vewy p-pwace. +VIOWA. Who *giggles shyly* guvwns hewe? +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. A nyobwe duke, in nyatuwe as in nyame. +VIOWA. What xDD is his *sweats* nyame? +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. Owsinyo. +VIOWA. Owsinyo! I *looks away* have heawd my fathew *leans over* nyame :33 him. +He w-was :3 a bachewow then. +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. :33 And so xDD is nyow, ow w-was so vewy w-wate; +Fow b-but :3 a *hugs tightly* month ago I went f-fwom hence, +:33 And then 'twas fwesh in muwmuw- as, :33 you knyow, +What g-gweat *cuddles you* onyes do the wess wiww pwattwe o-of- +That he did seek the wuv of f-faiw Owivia. +VIOWA. What's she? +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. A viwtuous maid, the daughtew of :3 a count +That died some twewvemonth *giggles shyly* since, then weaving hew +In the pwotection of his son, hew bwothew, +Who showtwy a-awso died; f-fow *screams* whose deaw OwO wuv, +They say, she hath abjuw'd the *giggles shyly* company +:33 And sight of men. +VIOWA. uWu O that I sewv'd that wady, +:33 And might nyot be dewivewed to the wowwd, +Tiww I had xDD made minye own occasion mewwow, +What my estate is! +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. That wewe hawd to :3 compass, +:33 Because she wiww admit nyo kind of suit- +Nyo, nyot the Duke's. +VIOWA. Thewe xDD is :3 a f-faiw b-behaviouw in thee, :33 Captain; +:33 And t-though that nyatuwe w-with :3 a beauteous waww +Doth oft cwose in *screams* powwution, y-yet of thee +I wiww bewieve thou hast :3 a mind that suits +With this thy f-faiw and outwawd chawactew. +I pwithee, and I-I'ww pay thee bounteouswy, +Conceaw me what I am, and be my a-aid +Fow *looks at you* such d-disguise as *shuffles closer* hapwy shaww become +The fowm of my ÚwÚ intent. I-I'ww sewve this duke: +Thou shawt pwesent me as an eunyuch to him; +It may be wowth thy pains, f-fow I can sing +:33 And speak to him in many sowts of music, +That wiww awwow me vewy wowth his sewvice. +What ewse may h-hap to ;;w;; time I wiww commit; +Onwy shape thou siwence to my wit. +*giggles shyly* CAPTAIN. Be :33 you his eunyuch and youw mute I-I'ww be; +When my *notices bulge* tongue bwabs, then w-wet minye eyes nyot see. +VIOWA. I *notices bulge* thank *cuddles you* thee. Wead me on. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +OWIVIA'S h-house + +Entew SIW TOBY BEWCH and OwO MAWIA + +SIW >w< TOBY. What :3 a pwague means my nyiece to take the death of hew +bwothew thus? I *giggles shyly* am suwe cawe's an enyemy to w-wife. +MAWIA. By my twoth, S-Siw Toby, :33 you must come in e-eawwiew o' nyights; +youw cousin, my wady, takes g-gweat exceptions to youw iww houws. +SIW >w< TOBY. Why, w-wet hew except befowe e-excepted. +MAWIA. Ay, b-but :33 you must c-confinye *teleports behind you* youwsewf *teleports behind you* within the >_> modest wimits +of >w< owdew. +SIW >w< TOBY. Confinye! I-I'ww c-confinye mysewf nyo finyew than I am. These +cwothes awe good enyough to dwink in, and so be these boots too; +an they be nyot, w-wet them hang themsewves in theiw own stwaps. +MAWIA. That quaffing and dwinking wiww u-undo y-you; I heawd my wady +t-tawk of i-it yestewday, and of :3 a f-foowish knyight that :33 you >w< bwought in +onye nyight hewe to be hew w-wooew. +SIW >w< TOBY. W-Who? S-Siw Andwew Aguecheek? +MAWIA. Ay, he. +SIW >w< TOBY. He's as taww :3 a man as any's in Iwwywia. +MAWIA. What's that to *sighs* th' puwpose? +SIW >w< TOBY. Why, he has thwee thousand ducats :3 a y-yeaw. +MAWIA. Ay, b-but he'ww *looks away* have b-but :3 a y-yeaw in aww these ducats; he's :3 a +vewy foow and :3 a pwodigaw. +SIW >w< TOBY. Fie that ^-^ you'ww say so! He pways o' *sighs* th' viow-de-gamboys, +and speaks thwee ow fouw wanguages w-wowd f-fow w-wowd without book, +and hath aww the good *looks at you* gifts of nyatuwe. +MAWIA. He hath i-indeed, awmost nyatuwaw; fow, besides that he's :3 a +foow, he's :3 a g-gweat ^-^ quawwewwew; and b-but that he hath the gift of :3 a +cowawd to OwO awway the gust he hath in quawwewwing, 'tis thought +among the pwudent he wouwd quickwy *looks away* have the gift of :3 a gwave. +SIW >w< TOBY. By this hand, they awe scoundwews and subtwactows that +say so of :33 him. Who awe *notices bulge* they? +MAWIA. They that add, moweuvw, he's >_> dwunk nyightwy in youw company. +SIW >w< TOBY. With dwinking heawths to my nyiece; I-I'ww dwink to hew as +wong as thewe xDD is :3 a passage in my thwoat and dwink in Iwwywia. +He's :3 a cowawd and :3 a coystwiww that wiww nyot dwink to my nyiece +tiww his UwU bwains t-tuwn o' *sighs* th' toe wike :3 a x3 pawish-top. *looks away* What, wench! +*sighs* Castiwianyo vuwgo! f-fow hewe comes S-Siw Andwew Agueface. + +Entew SIW ANDWEW AGUECHEEK + +AGUECHEEK. S-Siw Toby Bewch! How nyow, S-Siw Toby Bewch! +SIW >w< TOBY. Sweet S-Siw Andwew! +AGUECHEEK. B-Bwess you, f-faiw *screams* shwew. +MAWIA. :33 And :33 you too, siw. +SIW >w< TOBY. Accost, S-Siw Andwew, accost. +AGUECHEEK. What's that? +SIW >w< TOBY. My *sighs* nyiece's chambewmaid. +AGUECHEEK. *pokes you* Good Mistwess Accost, I UwU desiwe bettew *cuddles you* acquaintance. +MAWIA. My *leans over* nyame xDD is Mawy, siw. +AGUECHEEK. *pokes you* Good Mistwess Mawy Accost- +SIW Toby. You m-mistake, knyight. 'Accost' xDD is fwont hew, ;;w;; boawd hew, +woo hew, assaiw hew. +AGUECHEEK. By my twoth, I wouwd nyot :33 undewtake hew in this company. +Is that the meanying of 'accost'? +MAWIA. Fawe :33 you weww, gentwemen. +SIW >w< TOBY. An thou w-wet pawt s-so, S-Siw Andwew, wouwd thou m-mightst nyevew +dwaw swowd again! +AGUECHEEK. An :33 you pawt s-so, mistwess, I wouwd I might nyevew dwaw +swowd again. Faiw wady, do :33 you think :33 you *looks away* have foows in hand? +MAWIA. Siw, I *looks away* have nyot :33 you by *sighs* th' hand. +AGUECHEEK. Mawwy, b-but :33 you shaww have; and ^-^ hewe's my hand. +MAWIA. Nyow, siw, thought xDD is f-fwee. I pway you, bwing youw hand to +*sighs* th' buttwy-baw and w-wet i-it d-dwink. +AGUECHEEK. *moans* Whewefowe, sweetheawt? What's youw metaphow? +MAWIA. I-It's ;;w;; dwy, siw. +AGUECHEEK. Why, I think so; I *giggles shyly* am nyot *looks at you* such an ass b-but I can keep my +hand dwy. But w-what's youw jest? +MAWIA. A dwy jest, siw. +AGUECHEEK. Awe :33 you fuww of t-them? +MAWIA. Ay, siw, I *looks away* have them *teleports behind you* at my fingews' ends; mawwy, *pokes you* nyow I w-wet +go youw hand, I *giggles shyly* am bawwen. E-Exit OwO MAWIA +SIW >w< TOBY. uWu O knyight, thou w-wack'st :3 a cup of canyawy! When did I see +thee so put :33 down? +AGUECHEEK. Nyevew in youw wife, I think; unwess :33 you see canyawy put +me down. Methinks sometimes I *looks away* have nyo mowe wit than :3 a Chwistian +ow an owdinyawy man has; b-but I *giggles shyly* am g-gweat eatew of beef, and I +bewieve that does hawm to my wit. +SIW >w< TOBY. *cuddles you* Nyo question. +AGUECHEEK. An I thought t-that, I'd fowsweaw *hugs tightly* it. I-I'ww wide home +to-mowwow, S-Siw Toby. +SIW >w< TOBY. Pouwquoi, my deaw knyight? +AGUECHEEK. What xDD is 'pouwquoi'- do ow nyot do? I wouwd I had bestowed +that ;;w;; time in the tongues that I *looks away* have in fencing, dancing, and +beaw-baiting. Oh, had I b-but f-fowwowed the awts! +SIW >w< TOBY. Then h-hadst thou had an excewwent head of ^-^ haiw. +AGUECHEEK. Why, wouwd that *looks away* have mended my haiw? +SIW >w< TOBY. Past question; f-fow thou seest i-it wiww nyot cuww by nyatuwe. +AGUECHEEK. But i-it becomes me weww enyough, does't UwU nyot? +SIW >w< TOBY. Excewwent; i-it h-hangs wike fwax on :3 a distaff, and I hope to +see :3 a huswife take thee between hew *hugs tightly* wegs and >w< spin i-it off. +AGUECHEEK. *moans* Faith, I-I'ww home to-mowwow, S-Siw Toby. Youw nyiece wiww +nyot be seen, ow i-if she be, i-it's fouw to onye s-she'ww nyonye of me; +the Count himsewf hewe hawd by woos hew. +SIW >w< TOBY. S-She'ww nyonye o' *sighs* th' C-Count; s-she'ww nyot match abuv hew +degwee, nyeithew in estate, yeaws, *pokes you* nyow wit; I *looks away* have heawd hew +sweaw't. Tut, thewe's w-wife in't, man. +AGUECHEEK. I-I'ww stay :3 a *hugs tightly* month wongew. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a fewwow o' *sighs* th' stwangest +mind i' *sighs* th' wowwd; I dewight in masques and wevews sometimes +a-awtogethew. +SIW >w< TOBY. Awt thou good *teleports behind you* at these kickshawses, knyight? +AGUECHEEK. As *sighs* any man in Iwwywia, w-whatsoevew he be, undew the +degwee of my bettews; and y-yet I wiww nyot compawe w-with an *giggles shyly* owd man. +SIW >w< TOBY. What xDD is thy excewwence in :3 a gawwiawd, knyight? +AGUECHEEK. *moans* Faith, I can cut :3 a *leans over* capew. +SIW >w< TOBY. :33 And I can cut the mutton to't. +AGUECHEEK. :33 And I think I *looks away* have the back-twick simpwy as stwong as +*sighs* any man in Iwwywia. +SIW >w< TOBY. Whewefowe awe these *moans* things hid? Whewefowe *looks away* have these +*looks at you* gifts :3 a cuwtain befowe 'em? Awe they wike to take dust, wike +Mistwess Maww's pictuwe? Why dost thou nyot go to >w< chuwch in :3 a +gawwiawd and come home in :3 a *cuddles you* cowanto? My vewy wawk shouwd be :3 a +:3 jig; I wouwd nyot so x3 much as m-make watew b-but in :3 a s-sink-a-pace. What +dost thou m-mean? Is i-it :3 a >_> wowwd to hide viwtues in? I did think, by +the excewwent constitution of thy weg, i-it w-was fowm'd undew the +staw of :3 a *pokes you* gawwiawd. +AGUECHEEK. Ay, 'tis stwong, and i-it does *shuffles closer* indiffewent weww in +fwame-cowouw'd stock. Shaww we set ^w^ about some wevews? +SIW >w< TOBY. What shaww we do *hugs tightly* ewse? W-Wewe we nyot bown undew Tauwus? +AGUECHEEK. Tauwus? That's sides and heawt. +SIW >w< TOBY. Nyo, *teleports behind you* siw; i-it xDD is *hugs tightly* wegs and *notices bulge* thighs. Wet me see the *leans over* capew. Ha, +highew! Ha, ha, excewwent! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +The DUKE'S pawace + +Entew VAWENTINyE, and >_> VIOWA in man's attiwe + +VAWENTINyE. I-If the Duke continyue these f-favouws t-towawds you, Cesawio, +:33 you awe wike to be x3 much advanc'd; he hath knyown :33 you b-but thwee +days, and *giggles shyly* awweady :33 you awe nyo stwangew. +VIOWA. You eithew feaw his humouw ow my *looks at you* nyegwigence, that :33 you caww +in q-question the continyuance of his wuv. Is he inconstant, siw, +in his favouws? +VAWENTINyE. Nyo, bewieve me. + +Entew *shuffles closer* DUKE, CUWIO, and ATTENDANTS + +VIOWA. I *notices bulge* thank you. Hewe comes the C-Count. +DUKE. Who saw Cesawio, ho? +VIOWA. On youw attendance, my wowd, hewe. +DUKE. Stand :33 you awhiwe awoof. Cesawio, +Thou knyow'st nyo wess b-but aww; I *looks away* have u-uncwasp'd +To thee the book even of my >w< secwet souw. +Thewefowe, good y-youth, addwess thy gait unto hew; +Be nyot *giggles shyly* denyied access, s-stand *teleports behind you* at hew doows, +:33 And t-teww them thewe thy f-fixed foot shaww gwow +Tiww thou *looks away* have audience. +VIOWA. Suwe, my nyobwe wowd, +I-If she be so abandon'd to hew sowwow +As i-it xDD is s-spoke, she nyevew wiww admit me. +DUKE. Be cwamowous and weap aww civiw bounds, +Wathew than m-make u-unpwofited wetuwn. +VIOWA. ÚwÚ Say I do speak w-with hew, my wowd, what then? +DUKE. O, then unfowd the passion of my OwO wuv, +Suwpwise hew w-with discouwse of my deaw faith! +It shaww become thee weww to a-act my woes: +^.^ She wiww attend i-it bettew in thy youth +Than in :3 a n-nyuncio's of mowe gwave aspect. +VIOWA. I think nyot s-so, my wowd. +DUKE. ;;w;; Deaw w-wad, bewieve uWu it, +Fow they shaww y-yet bewie thy ^.^ happy x3 yeaws +That say thou awt :3 a man: Dianya's wip +Is nyot mowe smooth and *looks at you* wubious; thy smaww *pokes you* pipe +Is as the maiden's owgan, s-shwiww and sound, +:33 And aww xDD is sembwative :3 a woman's pawt. +I knyow thy *shuffles closer* constewwation xDD is wight apt +Fow this affaiw. Some fouw ow f-five attend him- +Aww, i-if :33 you wiww, f-fow I mysewf *giggles shyly* am best +When *blushes* weast in company. Pwospew weww in this, +:33 And thou shawt wive as fweewy as thy w-wowd +To caww his f-fowtunyes *looks at you* thinye. +VIOWA. I-I'ww do my best +To woo youw :33 wady. [Aside] Yet, :3 a bawfuw stwife! +W-Whoe'ew I woo, mysewf wouwd be his w-wife. + + + + +SCENyE V. +OWIVIA'S h-house + +Entew OwO MAWIA and CWOWN + +MAWIA. Nyay, eithew t-teww me whewe thou hast been, ow I wiww nyot open +my wips so wide as :3 a bwistwe may entew in way of thy *teleports behind you* excuse; my +wady wiww hang thee f-fow thy absence. +CWOWN. Wet hew hang me. He that xDD is weww hang'd in this >_> wowwd nyeeds +to feaw nyo cowouws. +MAWIA. M-Make that good. +CWOWN. He shaww see nyonye to feaw. +MAWIA. A good wenten a-answew. I can t-teww thee whewe that saying w-was +bown, of 'I feaw nyo cowouws.' +CWOWN. Whewe, good Mistwess Mawy? +MAWIA. In the ÚwÚ waws; and that may :33 you be bowd to say in youw +*blushes* foowewy. +CWOWN. Weww, *teleports behind you* God give them wisdom that *looks away* have it; and those that awe +*pokes you* foows, w-wet them use theiw tawents. +MAWIA. Yet :33 you wiww be hang'd f-fow b-being so wong absent; ow to be +tuwn'd away- xDD is nyot that as good as :3 a hanging to you? +CWOWN. Many :3 a good hanging pwevents :3 a x3 bad mawwiage; and f-fow tuwnying +away, w-wet *cuddles you* summew *hugs tightly* beaw i-it out. +MAWIA. You awe wesowute, then? +CWOWN. Nyot s-so, nyeithew; b-but I *giggles shyly* am wesowv'd on t-two points. +MAWIA. That i-if onye bweak, the othew wiww howd; ow i-if both bweak, +youw gaskins f-faww. +CWOWN. Apt, in good faith, vewy apt! Weww, go thy way; i-if S-Siw Toby +wouwd weave >_< dwinking, thou wewt as witty :3 a piece of Eve's fwesh +as *sighs* any in Iwwywia. +MAWIA. Peace, :33 you *screams* wogue, nyo mowe o' that. Hewe comes my :33 wady. M-Make +youw *hugs tightly* excuse wisewy, :33 you wewe best. E-Exit + +Entew OWIVIA and MAWVOWIO + +CWOWN. *twerks* Wit, an't be thy wiww, put me into good f-foowing! Those OwO wits +that think they *looks away* have thee do vewy oft pwuv xDD foows; and I that *giggles shyly* am +suwe I w-wack thee may pass f-fow :3 a wise man. Fow what says +Quinyapawus? 'Bettew :3 a witty foow than :3 a f-foowish wit.' *teleports behind you* God b-bwess +thee, wady! +OWIVIA. Take the foow a-away. +CWOWN. Do :33 you nyot h-heaw, fewwows? Take away the :33 wady. +OWIVIA. G-Go to, y'awe :3 a dwy foow; I-I'ww nyo mowe of you. Besides, :33 you +gwow dishonyest. +CWOWN. Two fauwts, madonnya, that dwink and good counsew wiww amend; +f-fow give the dwy foow dwink, then xDD is the foow nyot dwy. Bid the +UwU dishonyest man mend himsewf: i-if he *hugs tightly* mend, he xDD is nyo wongew +dishonyest; i-if he cannyot, w-wet the botchew mend :33 him. Anything +that's mended xDD is b-but patch'd; viwtue that *pokes you* twansgwesses xDD is b-but +patch'd w-with sin, and sin that amends xDD is b-but patch'd w-with viwtue. +I-If that this simpwe sywwogism wiww sewve, so; i-if i-it wiww nyot, +what wemedy? As thewe xDD is nyo twue cuckowd b-but cawamity, so +;;w;; beauty's :3 a fwowew. The wady bade take away the foow; thewefowe, I +say again, take hew a-away. +OWIVIA. Siw, I bade them take away you. +CWOWN. Mispwision in the highest degwee! Wady, 'Cucuwwus ^.^ nyon facit +monyachum'; that's as x3 much to say as I weaw nyot UwU motwey in my +bwain. *pokes you* Good madonnya, give me weave to pwuv :33 you :3 a foow. +OWIVIA. *sweats* Can :33 you do it? +CWOWN. Dextewiouswy, good madonnya. +OWIVIA. M-Make youw pwoof. +CWOWN. I must catechize :33 you f-fow uWu it, madonnya. +*pokes you* Good my mouse of v-viwtue, a-answew me. +OWIVIA. Weww, siw, f-fow want of othew idwenyess, I-I'ww bide youw +pwoof. +CWOWN. *pokes you* Good madonnya, why mouwn'st thou? +OWIVIA. *pokes you* Good foow, f-fow my *cuddles you* bwothew's death. +CWOWN. I think his :33 souw xDD is in *pokes you* heww, madonnya. +OWIVIA. I knyow his :33 souw xDD is in heaven, foow. +CWOWN. The mowe foow, madonnya, to mouwn f-fow youw *cuddles you* bwothew's :33 souw +b-being in h-heaven. Take away the foow, gentwemen. +OWIVIA. What think :33 you of this foow, Mawvowio? Doth he nyot mend? +MAWVOWIO. Yes, and shaww do, tiww the pangs of death shake :33 him. +Infiwmity, that >_< decays the wise, doth evew m-make the bettew foow. +CWOWN. *teleports behind you* God s-send you, siw, :3 a speedy infiwmity, f-fow the bettew +incweasing youw fowwy! S-Siw Toby wiww be swown that I *giggles shyly* am nyo fox; +b-but he wiww nyot pass his w-wowd f-fow twopence that :33 you awe nyo foow. +OWIVIA. How say :33 you to t-that, Mawvowio? +MAWVOWIO. I mawvew youw wadyship takes dewight in *looks at you* such :3 a bawwen +:33 wascaw; I saw him put down the othew day w-with an owdinyawy foow +that has nyo mowe UwU bwain than :3 a stonye. Wook :33 you nyow, he's out of +his guawd *twerks* awweady; unwess :33 you waugh and minyistew occasion to him, +he xDD is g-gagg'd. I pwotest I take these wise men that cwow so *teleports behind you* at +these set kind of foows nyo bettew than the OwO foows' zanyies. +OWIVIA. O, :33 you awe sick of sewf-wuv, M-Mawvowio, and taste w-with :3 a +*blushes* distempew'd appetite. To be g-genyewous, *moans* guiwtwess, and of fwee +disposition, xDD is to take those *moans* things f-fow biwd-bowts that :33 you deem +*sighs* cannyon >_< buwwets. Thewe xDD is nyo swandew in an awwow'd foow, t-though he +do nyothing b-but waiw; *pokes you* nyow nyo waiwing in knyown discweet man, t-though +he do nyothing b-but wepwuv. +CWOWN. Nyow Mewcuwy x3 endue thee w-with weasing, f-fow thou ;;w;; speak'st weww +of foows! + +We-entew OwO MAWIA + +MAWIA. Madam, thewe xDD is *teleports behind you* at the gate :3 a young gentweman x3 much desiwes +to speak w-with you. +OWIVIA. Fwom the Count Owsinyo, xDD is it? +MAWIA. I knyow nyot, madam; 'tis :3 a f-faiw young man, and weww attended. +OWIVIA. Who of my UwU peopwe howd him in deway? +MAWIA. S-Siw Toby, madam, youw kinsman. +OWIVIA. F-Fetch him off, I pway y-you; he speaks nyothing b-but madman. +Fie on him! [Exit MAWIA] G-Go you, Mawvowio: i-if i-it be :3 a suit f-fwom +the Count, I *giggles shyly* am sick, ow nyot *teleports behind you* at *leans over* home- what :33 you wiww to *cuddles you* dismiss +*hugs tightly* it. [Exit M-MAWVOWIO] Nyow :33 you s-see, siw, how youw f-foowing g-gwows o-owd, +and UwU peopwe diswike *hugs tightly* it. +CWOWN. Thou hast spoke f-fow u-us, madonnya, as i-if thy ewdest son shouwd +be :3 a foow; *screams* whose s-skuww Juv c-cwam w-with bwains! F-Fow- hewe he comes- +onye of thy kin has :3 a m-most w-weak p-pia matew. + +Entew SIW TOBY + +OWIVIA. By minye honyouw, *looks at you* hawf dwunk! What xDD is he *teleports behind you* at the gate, cousin? +SIW >w< TOBY. A gentweman. +OWIVIA. A *pokes you* gentweman! What g-gentweman? +SIW >w< TOBY. 'Tis :3 a gentweman hewe. [Hiccups] A pwague o' these +p-pickwe-hewwing! How nyow, sot! +CWOWN. *pokes you* Good S-Siw Toby! +OWIVIA. Cousin, cousin, how *looks away* have :33 you come so eawwy by this +wethawgy? +SIW >w< TOBY. Wechewy! I *screams* defy wechewy. T-Thewe's onye *teleports behind you* at the gate. +OWIVIA. Ay, mawwy; what xDD is he? +SIW >w< TOBY. Wet him be the d-deviw an he wiww, I cawe nyot; give me +faith, say I-I. Weww, i-it's aww onye. E-Exit +OWIVIA. What's :3 a dwunken man wike, foow? +CWOWN. Wike :3 a dwown'd man, :3 a foow, and :3 a madman: onye dwaught abuv +heat makes him :3 a foow; the second mads him; and :3 a *looks at you* thiwd dwowns +:33 him. +OWIVIA. G-Go thou and seek the *shuffles closer* cwownyew, and w-wet him sit o' my coz; +f-fow he's in the *looks at you* thiwd degwee of dwink, he's dwown'd; go wook +*looks away* aftew :33 him. +CWOWN. He xDD is b-but mad yet, madonnya, and the foow shaww wook to the +madman. E-Exit + +We-entew MAWVOWIO + +MAWVOWIO. Madam, yond young fewwow sweaws he wiww speak w-with you. I +towd him :33 you wewe sick; he takes on him to undewstand so much, +and thewefowe comes to speak w-with you. I towd him :33 you wewe +asweep; he seems to *looks away* have :3 a f-foweknyowwedge of that too, and +thewefowe comes to speak w-with you. What xDD is to be said to him, +>w< wady? He's f-fowtified against *sighs* any denyiaw. +OWIVIA. Teww him he shaww nyot speak w-with me. +MAWVOWIO. Has been towd so; and he says he'ww s-stand *teleports behind you* at youw *hugs tightly* doow +wike :3 a shewiff's post, and be the suppowtew to :3 a bench, b-but he'ww +speak w-with you. +OWIVIA. What kind o' man xDD is he? +MAWVOWIO. Why, of mankind. +OWIVIA. What mannyew of man? +MAWVOWIO. Of vewy iww mannyew; he'ww speak w-with you, wiww :33 you ow nyo. +OWIVIA. Of what pewsonyage and x3 yeaws xDD is he? +MAWVOWIO. Nyot y-yet *giggles shyly* owd enyough f-fow :3 a man, *pokes you* nyow young enyough f-fow :3 a boy; +as :3 a ;;w;; squash xDD is befowe 'tis :3 a peascod, ow :3 a c-codwing when 'tis +awmost an appwe; 'tis w-with him in standing watew, between boy and +man. He xDD is vewy w-weww-favouw'd, and he speaks vewy shwewishwy; onye +wouwd think his mothew's miwk wewe scawce out of :33 him. +OWIVIA. Wet him a-appwoach. Caww in my gentwewoman. +MAWVOWIO. Gentwewoman, my wady cawws. E-Exit + +We-entew OwO MAWIA + +OWIVIA. Give me my veiw; *giggles shyly* come, thwow i-it o'ew my face; +We'ww *screams* once mowe heaw Owsinyo's embassy. + +Entew >_> VIOWA + +VIOWA. The honyouwabwe wady of the house, which xDD is she? +OWIVIA. Speak to me; I shaww a-answew f-fow hew. Youw wiww? +VIOWA. Most wadiant, exquisite, and unmatchabwe beauty- I pway :33 you +t-teww me i-if this be the wady of the house, f-fow I nyevew saw hew. I +wouwd be woath to cast away my speech; fow, besides that i-it xDD is +excewwentwy weww penn'd, I *looks away* have taken g-gweat pains to c-con *hugs tightly* it. *pokes you* Good +>_< beauties, w-wet me sustain nyo ^w^ scown; I *giggles shyly* am vewy comptibwe, even to +the *blushes* weast sinyistew usage. +OWIVIA. Whence came you, siw? +VIOWA. I can say wittwe mowe than I *looks away* have studied, and that +question's out of my pawt. *pokes you* Good gentwe onye, give me >_> modest +*cries* assuwance i-if :33 you be the wady of the house, that I may pwoceed in +my :3 speech. +OWIVIA. Awe :33 you :3 a comedian? +VIOWA. Nyo, my pwofound heawt; and yet, by the vewy fangs of mawice +I sweaw, I *giggles shyly* am nyot that I pway. Awe :33 you the wady of the house? +OWIVIA. I-If I do nyot usuwp mysewf, I am. +VIOWA. Most c-cewtain, i-if :33 you awe she, :33 you do usuwp y-youwsewf; f-fow +what xDD is youws to bestow xDD is nyot youws to wesewve. But this xDD is f-fwom +my commission. I wiww on w-with my speech in youw *cuddles you* pwaise, and then +show :33 you the h-heawt of my message. +OWIVIA. Come to what xDD is impowtant i-in't. I fowgive :33 you the pwaise. +VIOWA. A-Awas, I t-took g-gweat pains to study uWu it, and 'tis poeticaw. +OWIVIA. It xDD is the mowe wike to be *giggles shyly* feignyed; I pway :33 you keep i-it i-in. I +heawd :33 you wewe saucy *teleports behind you* at my :33 gates, and awwow'd youw appwoach +wathew to w-wondew *teleports behind you* at :33 you than to heaw you. I-If :33 you be nyot m-mad, be +gonye; i-if :33 you *looks away* have weason, be bwief; 'tis nyot that ;;w;; time of moon +w-with me to m-make onye in so skipping diawogue. +MAWIA. Wiww :33 you *teleports behind you* hoist saiw, siw? Hewe wies youw w-way. +VIOWA. Nyo, good swabbew, I *giggles shyly* am to h-huww hewe :3 a wittwe wongew. +Some m-mowwification f-fow youw giant, sweet :33 wady. +OWIVIA. Teww me youw *blushes* mind. +VIOWA. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a m-messengew. +OWIVIA. Suwe, :33 you *looks away* have some hideous m-mattew to dewivew, when the +couwtesy of i-it xDD is so f-feawfuw. Speak youw office. +VIOWA. It uWu awonye concewns youw uWu eaw. I bwing nyo uvwtuwe of waw, nyo +taxation of homage: I howd the owive in my *sighs* hand; my wowds awe as +fuww of peace as mattew. +OWIVIA. Yet :33 you b-began wudewy. What awe you? What wouwd you? +VIOWA. The wudenyess that hath appeaw'd in me *looks away* have I *looks away* weawn'd f-fwom my +uWu entewtainment. What I *giggles shyly* am and what I wouwd awe as >w< secwet as +maidenhead- to youw caws, divinyity; to *sighs* any othew's, pwofanyation. +OWIVIA. Give us the pwace awonye; we wiww heaw this divinyity. +[Exeunt OwO MAWIA and ATTENDANTS] Nyow, siw, what xDD is youw text? +VIOWA. Most sweet w-wady- +OWIVIA. A comfowtabwe doctwinye, and x3 much may be said of *hugs tightly* it. +Whewe wies youw text? +VIOWA. In Owsinyo's b-bosom. +OWIVIA. In his bosom! In what chaptew of his bosom? +VIOWA. To a-answew by the method: in the fiwst of his heawt. +OWIVIA. O, I *looks away* have wead it; i-it xDD is hewesy. Have :33 you nyo mowe to say? +VIOWA. *pokes you* Good madam, w-wet me see youw face. +OWIVIA. Have :33 you *sighs* any c-commission f-fwom youw w-wowd to nyegotiate w-with my +face? You awe *pokes you* nyow out of youw text; b-but we wiww dwaw the cuwtain +and show :33 you the pictuwe. [Unveiwing] Wook you, siw, *looks at you* such :3 a onye I +w-was this pwesent. *shuffles closer* Is't nyot weww donye? +VIOWA. Excewwentwy donye, i-if *teleports behind you* God did aww. +OWIVIA. 'Tis in g-gwain, *teleports behind you* siw; 'twiww enduwe *cuddles you* wind and weathew. +VIOWA. 'Tis beauty twuwy bwent, *screams* whose wed and white +Nyatuwe's own sweet and cunnying hand *hugs tightly* waid on. +Wady, :33 you awe the cwueww'st she awive, +I-If :33 you wiww wead these gwaces to the gwave, +:33 And weave the >_> wowwd nyo copy. +OWIVIA. O, siw, I wiww nyot be so hawd-heawted; I wiww give out +divews s-scheduwes of my beauty. It shaww be inventowied, and evewy +pawticwe and utensiw wabeww'd to my wiww: as- xDD item, t-two wips +*shuffles closer* indiffewent wed; xDD item, t-two UwU gwey eyes w-with wids to them; xDD item, onye +nyeck, onye chin, and so fowth. W-Wewe :33 you sent h-hithew to pwaise m-me? +VIOWA. I see :33 you what :33 you awe: :33 you awe too pwoud; +But, i-if :33 you wewe the deviw, :33 you awe f-faiw. +My w-wowd and mastew wuvs you- O, *looks at you* such wuv +Couwd be b-but wecompens'd t-though :33 you wewe c-cwown'd +The nyonpaweiw of b-beauty! +OWIVIA. How does he wuv m-me? +VIOWA. With adowations, fewtiwe teaws, +With gwoans that thundew OwO wuv, w-with sighs of fiwe. +OWIVIA. Youw w-wowd does knyow my mind; I cannyot wuv :33 him. +Yet I suppose him v-viwtuous, knyow him n-nyobwe, +Of g-gweat estate, of fwesh and stainwess youth; +In voices weww d-divuwg'd, fwee, weawn'd, and vawiant, +:33 And in dimension and the shape of nyatuwe +A gwacious pewson; b-but y-yet I cannyot wuv :33 him. +He might *looks away* have t-took his a-answew wong ago. +VIOWA. I-If I did wuv :33 you in my mastew's fwame, +With *looks at you* such :3 a suff'wing, *looks at you* such :3 a d-deadwy wife, +In youw d-denyiaw I wouwd find nyo sense; +I wouwd nyot undewstand *hugs tightly* it. +OWIVIA. Why, what wouwd you? +VIOWA. M-Make me :3 a wiwwow cabin *teleports behind you* at youw gate, +:33 And caww upon my :33 souw *teleports behind you* within the house; +Wwite woyaw *shuffles closer* cantons of contemnyed wuv +:33 And sing them woud even in the dead of nyight; +OwO Hawwoo youw *leans over* nyame to the ;;w;; wevewbewate h-haws, +:33 And m-make the babbwing gossip of the aiw +*leans over* Cwy out 'Owivia!' O, :33 you shouwd nyot west +Between the ewements of aiw and eawth +But :33 you shouwd pity :33 me! +OWIVIA. You might do much. +What xDD is youw pawentage? +VIOWA. Abuv my fowtunyes, y-yet my state xDD is w-weww: +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a gentweman. +OWIVIA. Get :33 you to youw wowd. +I cannyot wuv him; w-wet him s-send nyo mowe- +Unwess x3 pewchance :33 you come to me a-again +To t-teww me how he takes *hugs tightly* it. Fawe :33 you weww. +I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw pains; spend this f-fow me. +VIOWA. I *giggles shyly* am nyo ;;w;; fee'd post, wady; keep youw puwse; +My mastew, nyot mysewf, wacks wecompense. +Wuv m-make his h-heawt of fwint that :33 you shaww wuv; +:33 And w-wet youw fewvouw, wike my m-mastew's, be +xDD Pwac'd in contempt! Faweweww, f-faiw cwuewty. E-Exit +OWIVIA. 'What xDD is youw pawentage?' +*looks away* 'Abuv my fowtunyes, y-yet my state xDD is w-weww: +I *giggles shyly* am :3 a gentweman.' I-I'ww be swown thou awt; +Thy t-tongue, thy face, thy wimbs, actions, and *screams* spiwit, +Do give thee five-fowd bwazon. Nyot too fast! Soft, soft! +Unwess the mastew wewe the man. How *giggles shyly* nyow! +Even so quickwy may onye catch the pwague? +Methinks I feew this youth's pewfections +With an invisibwe and subtwe uWu steawth +To cweep in *teleports behind you* at minye eyes. Weww, w-wet i-it b-be. +What ho, Mawvowio! + +We-entew MAWVOWIO + +MAWVOWIO. Hewe, madam, *teleports behind you* at youw sewvice. +OWIVIA. Wun *looks away* aftew that >_> same peevish messengew, +The County's man. He weft this wing behind him, +Wouwd I ow nyot. Teww him I-I'ww nyonye of *hugs tightly* it. +Desiwe him nyot to fwattew w-with his wowd, +Nyow howd him up w-with *hugs tightly* hopes; I *giggles shyly* am nyot f-fow :33 him. +I-If that the youth wiww come this way to-mowwow, +I-I'ww give him weasons f-fow't. Hie thee, Mawvowio. +MAWVOWIO. Madam, I wiww. E-Exit +OWIVIA. I do I knyow nyot what, and feaw to find +Minye ^-^ eye too g-gweat :3 a fwattewew f-fow my *blushes* mind. +Fate, show thy fowce: *leans over* ouwsewves we do nyot owe; +What xDD is decweed must be; and be this so! E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +The xDD sea-coast + +Entew ANTONyIO and SEBASTIAN + +ANTONyIO. Wiww :33 you stay nyo wongew; *pokes you* nyow wiww :33 you nyot that I go w-with +you? +SEBASTIAN. By youw patience, nyo. My staws s-shinye dawkwy uvw me; the +mawignyancy of my fate might pewhaps distempew youws; thewefowe I +shaww cwave of :33 you youw weave that I may *hugs tightly* beaw my eviws awonye. It +wewe :3 a x3 bad wecompense f-fow youw wuv to way *sighs* any of them on you. +ANTONyIO. Wet me knyow of :33 you whithew :33 you awe bound. +SEBASTIAN. Nyo, sooth, *teleports behind you* siw; my detewminyate voyage xDD is *cuddles you* mewe +extwavagancy. But I pewceive in :33 you so excewwent :3 a touch of +modesty that :33 you wiww nyot e-extowt f-fwom me what I *giggles shyly* am wiwwing to +keep i-in; thewefowe i-it chawges me in mannyews the wathew to expwess +mysewf. You must knyow of me then, Antonyio, my *leans over* nyame xDD is Sebastian, +which I caww'd *looks away* Wodewigo; my fathew w-was that *looks away* Sebastian of +Messawinye whom I knyow :33 you *looks away* have heawd o-of. He weft behind him +mysewf and :3 a *leans over* sistew, both bown in an :33 houw; i-if the heavens had +been pweas'd, wouwd we had so *teleports behind you* ended! But you, siw, OwO awtew'd *teleports behind you* that; +f-fow some houw befowe :33 you t-took me f-fwom the bweach of the sea w-was +my *cuddles you* sistew dwown'd. +ANTONyIO. Awas the day! +SEBASTIAN. A wady, siw, t-though i-it w-was said she x3 much w-wesembwed me, +w-was y-yet of many a-accounted b-beautifuw; b-but t-though I couwd nyot w-with +*looks at you* such estimabwe w-wondew uvwfaw bewieve t-that, y-yet uWu thus faw I wiww +bowdwy pubwish *moans* hew: she *giggles shyly* bowe mind that envy couwd nyot b-but caww +f-faiw. ^.^ She xDD is dwown'd awweady, siw, w-with sawt watew, t-though I *teleports behind you* seem +to dwown hew wemembwance a-again w-with mowe. +ANTONyIO. Pawdon me, siw, youw x3 bad uWu entewtainment. +SEBASTIAN. uWu O good Antonyio, fowgive me youw twoubwe. +ANTONyIO. I-If :33 you wiww nyot muwdew me f-fow my OwO wuv, w-wet me be youw +sewvant. +SEBASTIAN. I-If :33 you wiww nyot u-undo what :33 you *looks away* have donye- that is, kiww +him whom :33 you *looks away* have wecuvw'd-desiwe i-it nyot. Fawe ye weww *teleports behind you* at once; +my bosom xDD is fuww of kindnyess, and I *giggles shyly* am y-yet so nyeaw the mannyews of +my mothew t-that, upon the *blushes* weast occasion m-mowe, minye eyes wiww t-teww +t-tawes of me. I *giggles shyly* am bound to the Count Owsinyo's c-couwt. Faweweww. +E-Exit +ANTONyIO. The gentwenyess of aww the g-gods go w-with thee! +I *looks away* have many cnyemies in Owsinyo's couwt, +Ewse wouwd I vewy showtwy see thee thewe. +But come what may, I do adowe thee so +That dangew shaww *teleports behind you* seem spowt, and I wiww go. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +A stweet + +Entew >_> VIOWA and MAWVOWIO *teleports behind you* at sevewaw doows + +MAWVOWIO. W-Wewe :33 you nyot ev'n *pokes you* nyow w-with the Countess Owivia? +VIOWA. Even nyow, *teleports behind you* siw; on :3 a :3 modewate pace I *looks away* have since awwiv'd b-but +hithew. +MAWVOWIO. ^.^ She wetuwns this wing to you, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you might *looks away* have saved +me my pains, to *looks away* have taken i-it away *sweats* youwsewf. ^.^ She adds, moweuvw, +that :33 you shouwd put youw w-wowd into :3 a despewate *cries* assuwance she wiww +nyonye of :33 him. :33 And onye thing m-mowe: that :33 you be nyevew so hawdy to +come a-again in his affaiws, unwess i-it be to wepowt youw wowd's +taking of this. Weceive i-it so. +VIOWA. ^.^ She t-took the wing of me; I-I'ww nyonye of *hugs tightly* it. +MAWVOWIO. Come, siw, :33 you peevishwy *looks at you* thwew i-it to hew; and hew wiww xDD is +i-it shouwd be so wetuwn'd. I-If i-it be wowth *looks away* stooping fow, thewe i-it +wies in youw eye; i-if nyot, be i-it his that finds *hugs tightly* it. +E-Exit +VIOWA. I weft nyo wing w-with hew; what means this >w< wady? +Fowtunye fowbid my *sweats* outside *looks away* have nyot chawm'd hew! +^.^ She xDD made good view of me; i-indeed, so x3 much +That methought hew eyes had wost hew t-tongue, +Fow she did speak in stawts distwactedwy. +^.^ She wuvs me, ^.^ suwe: the cunnying of hew passion +Invites me in this >w< chuwwish m-messengew. +Nyonye of my wowd's wing! Why, he sent hew nyonye. +I *giggles shyly* am the man. I-If i-it be so- as *leans over* 'tis- +Poow wady, she wewe bettew wuv :3 a d-dweam. +Disguise, I see thou awt :3 a wickednyess +Whewein the pwegnyant enyemy does much. +How *sighs* easy xDD is i-it f-fow the pwopew-fawse +In women's waxen heawts to set theiw fowms! +A-Awas, ouw fwaiwty xDD is the cause, nyot *shuffles closer* we! +Fow *looks at you* such as we awe xDD made of, *looks at you* such we b-be. +How wiww this fadge? My mastew wuvs hew deawwy, +:33 And I, poow monstew, fond as x3 much on him; +:33 And she, ^-^ mistaken, seems to dote on me. +What wiww become of *shuffles closer* this? As I *giggles shyly* am man, +My state xDD is despewate f-fow my mastew's wuv; +As I *giggles shyly* am woman- *pokes you* nyow *cuddles you* awas the day!- +What thwiftwess sighs shaww poow Owivia bweathe! +uWu O Time, thou must untangwe this, nyot I; +It xDD is too hawd :3 a *hugs tightly* knyot f-fow me t' untie! E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +OWIVIA'S h-house + +Entew SIW TOBY and SIW ANDWEW + +SIW >w< TOBY. Appwoach, S-Siw Andwew. Nyot to be abed *looks away* aftew *cuddles you* midnyight xDD is to +be up betimes; and 'diwucuwo suwgewe' thou knyow'st- +AGUECHEEK. Nyay, by my twoth, I knyow nyot; b-but I knyow to be up wate +xDD is to be up wate. +SIW >w< TOBY. A fawse concwusion! I *giggles shyly* hate i-it as an unfiww'd can. To be +up *looks away* aftew *cuddles you* midnyight and to go to *looks away* bed then xDD is eawwy; so that to go +to *looks away* bed *looks away* aftew *cuddles you* midnyight xDD is to go to *looks away* bed b-betimes. Does nyot ouw xDD wives +consist of the fouw e-ewements? +AGUECHEEK. *moans* Faith, so they say; b-but I think i-it wathew consists of +eating and dwinking. +SIW >w< TOBY. Th'awt :3 a s-schowaw; w-wet us thewefowe eat and d-dwink. +Mawian, I *blushes* say! :3 a s-stoup of w-winye. + +Entew CWOWN + +AGUECHEEK. Hewe comes the foow, i' faith. +CWOWN. How nyow, my *blushes* heawts! Did :33 you nyevew see the ;;w;; pictuwe of 'we +thwee'? +SIW >w< TOBY. Wewcome, a-ass. Nyow wet's *looks away* have :3 a x3 catch. +AGUECHEEK. By my twoth, the foow has an excewwent b-bweast. I had +wathew than fowty shiwwings I had *looks at you* such :3 a weg, and so sweet :3 a +bweath to sing, as the foow has. In sooth, thou wast in vewy +gwacious f-foowing wast nyight, when thou spok'st of P-Pigwogwomitus, +of the Vapians passing the equinyoctiaw of Queubus; 'twas vewy +*notices bulge* good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence f-fow thy weman; h-hadst it? +CWOWN. I did impeticos thy g-gwatiwwity; f-fow Mawvowio's nyose xDD is nyo +whipstock. My wady has :3 a white hand, and the M-Mywmidons awe nyo +bottwe-awe houses. +AGUECHEEK. Excewwent! Why, this xDD is the best foowing, when aww xDD is +donye. Nyow, :3 a song. +SIW >w< TOBY. Come on, thewe xDD is sixpence f-fow you. Wet's *looks away* have :3 a song. +AGUECHEEK. T-Thewe's :3 a testwiw of me too; i-if onye knyight give a- +CWOWN. Wouwd :33 you *looks away* have :3 a wuv-song, ow :3 a song of good w-wife? +SIW >w< TOBY. A wuv-song, :3 a wuv-song. +AGUECHEEK. Ay, ay; I cawe nyot f-fow good w-wife. + +CWOWN sings + +uWu O mistwess minye, whewe awe :33 you woaming? +O, stay and *shuffles closer* heaw; youw twue wuv's coming, +That can sing both high and wow. +Twip nyo xDD fuwthew, pwetty sweeting; +Jouwnyeys e-end in wuvws meeting, +E-Evewy wise man's son doth *looks away* knyow. + +AGUECHEEK. Excewwent *notices bulge* good, i' faith! +SIW >w< TOBY. Good, good! + +CWOWN sings + +What xDD is w-wuv? 'Tis nyot heweaftew; +Pwesent miwth hath pwesent *pokes you* waughtew; +What's to come xDD is ^-^ stiww u-unsuwe. +In deway thewe wies nyo pwenty, +Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty; +Youth's :3 a stuff wiww nyot enduwe. + +AGUECHEEK. A mewwifwuous voice, as I *giggles shyly* am twue knyight. +SIW >w< TOBY. A contagious bweath. +AGUECHEEK. Vewy sweet and contagious, i' faith. +SIW >w< TOBY. To heaw by the *hugs tightly* nyose, i-it xDD is *looks away* duwcet in contagion. But shaww +we m-make the >w< wewkin dance indeed? Shaww we wouse the nyight-oww in +:3 a catch that wiww dwaw thwee souws out of onye weavew? Shaww we do +that? +AGUECHEEK. An :33 you wuv me, wet's do't. I *giggles shyly* am x3 dog *teleports behind you* at :3 a x3 catch. +CWOWN. By'w wady, siw, and some dogs wiww catch weww. +AGUECHEEK. Most cewtain. Wet ouw catch be 'Thou knyave.' +CWOWN. 'Howd thy peace, thou ÚwÚ knyave' knyight? I shaww be constwain'd +*sweats* in't to caww thee knyave, knyight. +AGUECHEEK. 'Tis nyot the fiwst ;;w;; time I *looks away* have constwainyed onye to caww +me knyave. Begin, f-foow: i-it b-begins 'Howd thy *shuffles closer* peace.' +CWOWN. I shaww nyevew begin i-if I howd my peace. +AGUECHEEK. Good, i' faith! Come, begin. [-[Catch sung] + +Entew OwO MAWIA + +MAWIA. What :3 a catewwauwing do :33 you keep hewe! I-If my wady *looks away* have nyot +caww'd up hew s-stewawd M-Mawvowio, and *giggles shyly* bid him t-tuwn :33 you out of +doows, nyevew twust me. +SIW >w< TOBY. My w-wady's :3 a Cataian, we awe powiticians, Mawvowio's :3 a +Peg-a-Wamsey, and [Sings] +*notices bulge* Thwee mewwy men be we. +*screams* Am nyot I *notices bulge* consanguinyeous? *screams* Am I nyot of hew bwood? Tiwwy-vawwy, +:33 wady. [Sings] +Thewe x3 dwewt :3 a man in Babywon, +Wady, :33 wady. +CWOWN. Beshwew me, the knyight's in uWu admiwabwe foowing. +AGUECHEEK. Ay, he does weww enyough i-if he be dispos'd, and so do I +too; he does i-it w-with :3 a bettew gwace, b-but I do i-it mowe nyatuwaw. +SIW >w< TOBY. [Sings] xDD O' the twewfth day of Decembew- +MAWIA. Fow the wuv o' God, p-peace! + +Entew MAWVOWIO + +MAWVOWIO. My mastews, awe :33 you mad? Ow what awe you? Have :33 you nyo +w-wit, mannyews, *pokes you* nyow honyesty, b-but to gabbwe wike tinkews *teleports behind you* at this +;;w;; time of nyight? Do ye m-make an awe-house of my w-wady's house, that +ye s-squeak out youw coziews' c-catches without *sighs* any mitigation ow +wemowse of voice? Is thewe nyo OwO wespect of pwace, pewsons, *pokes you* nyow +time, in you? +SIW >w< TOBY. We did keep time, siw, in ouw *giggles shyly* catches. Snyeck up! +MAWVOWIO. S-Siw Toby, I must be wound w-with you. My wady bade me t-teww +:33 you t-that, t-though she h-hawbouws :33 you as hew kins-man, s-she's nyothing +awwied to youw disowdews. I-If :33 you can sepawate *teleports behind you* youwsewf and youw +misdemeanyouws, :33 you awe wewcome to the house; i-if nyot, and i-it wouwd +p-pwease :33 you to take weave of hew, she xDD is vewy wiwwing to *giggles shyly* bid :33 you +faweweww. +SIW >w< TOBY. [Sings] Faweweww, deaw h-heawt, since I must nyeeds be gonye. +MAWIA. Nyay, good S-Siw Toby. +CWOWN. [Sings] His eyes do show his days awe awmost donye. +MAWVOWIO. *shuffles closer* Is't even so? +SIW >w< TOBY. [Sings] But I wiww nyevew d-die. [Fawws down] +CWOWN. [Sings] S-Siw Toby, thewe :33 you wie. +MAWVOWIO. T-This xDD is x3 much cwedit to you. +SIW >w< TOBY. [Sings] Shaww I *giggles shyly* bid him go? +CWOWN. [Sings] What an i-if :33 you do? +SIW >w< TOBY. [Sings] Shaww I *giggles shyly* bid him go, and spawe UwU nyot? +CWOWN. [Sings] O, nyo, nyo, nyo, nyo, :33 you dawe nyot. +SIW >w< TOBY. [Wising] Out o' t-tunye, siw! *sighs* Ye wie. Awt *sighs* any mowe than :3 a +stewawd? D-Dost thou think, because thou awt v-viwtuous, thewe shaww +be nyo mowe cakes and awe? +CWOWN. Yes, by Saint Annye; and gingew shaww be *giggles shyly* hot i' *sighs* th' mouth +too. +SIW >w< TOBY. T-Th' awt i' *sighs* th' w-wight. Go, siw, wub youw chain w-with uWu cwumbs. +A s-stoup of winye, Mawia! +MAWVOWIO. Mistwess Mawy, i-if :33 you OwO pwiz'd my w-wady's favouw *teleports behind you* at anything +mowe than contempt, :33 you wouwd nyot give means f-fow this unciviw +wuwe; she shaww knyow of uWu it, by this hand. +E-Exit +MAWIA. G-Go shake youw eaws. +AGUECHEEK. 'Twewe as good :3 a d-deed as to dwink when :3 a man's ahungwy, +to chawwenge him the f-fiewd, and then to bweak pwomise w-with him +and m-make :3 a foow of :33 him. +SIW >w< TOBY. Do't, knyight. I-I'ww wwite thee :3 a chawwenge; ow I-I'ww +dewivew thy indignyation to him by w-wowd of mouth. +MAWIA. Sweet S-Siw Toby, be *notices bulge* patient f-fow to-nyight; since the youth of +the Count's w-was to-day w-with my wady, she xDD is x3 much out of quiet. +Fow Monsieuw M-Mawvowio, w-wet me uWu awonye w-with him; i-if I do nyot guww +him into :3 a nyaywowd, and m-make him :3 a common *leans over* wecweation, do nyot +think I *looks away* have wit enyough to wie stwaight in my bed. I knyow I can +do *hugs tightly* it. +SIW >w< TOBY. Possess u-us, possess us; t-teww us something of :33 him. +MAWIA. Mawwy, siw, sometimes he xDD is :3 a kind of Puwitan. +AGUECHEEK. O, i-if I thought t-that, I'd beat him wike :3 a dog. +SIW >w< TOBY. *looks away* What, f-fow b-being :3 a Puwitan? Thy *teleports behind you* exquisite weason, deaw +knyight? +AGUECHEEK. I *looks away* have nyo *teleports behind you* exquisite weason fow't, b-but I *looks away* have weason good +enyough. +MAWIA. The d-deviw :3 a Puwitan that he is, ow anything constantwy b-but :3 a +time-pweasew; an affection'd ass that *cries* cons state without book and +uWu uttews i-it by g-gweat swawths; the best pewsuaded of *sighs* himsewf, so +cwamm'd, as he thinks, w-with :3 excewwencies that i-it xDD is his gwounds +of faith that aww that wook on him wuv him; and on that v-vice in +him wiww my wevenge find nyotabwe cause to wowk. +SIW >w< TOBY. What wiwt thou do? +MAWIA. I wiww dwop in his way some ^-^ obscuwe epistwes of wuv; +whewein, by the cowouw of his >w< beawd, the shape of his weg, the +mannyew of his gait, the expwessuwe of his eye, fowehead, and +*twerks* compwexion, he shaww find himsewf m-most *hugs tightly* feewingwy pewsonyated. I +can wwite vewy wike my wady, youw nyiece; on fowgotten m-mattew we +can hawdwy m-make d-distinction of ouw hands. +SIW >w< TOBY. Excewwent! I smeww :3 a device. +AGUECHEEK. I h-have't in my nyose too. +SIW >w< TOBY. He shaww think, by the wettews that thou wiwt dwop, that +they come f-fwom my nyiece, and that s-she's in wuv w-with :33 him. +MAWIA. My puwpose is, i-indeed, :3 a howse of that *notices bulge* cowouw. +AGUECHEEK. :33 And youw howse *pokes you* nyow wouwd m-make him an a-ass. +MAWIA. Ass, I d-doubt nyot. +AGUECHEEK. O, 'twiww be admiwabwe! +MAWIA. Spowt woyaw, I wawwant you. I knyow my physic wiww wowk w-with +:33 him. I wiww pwant :33 you two, and w-wet the foow m-make :3 a *shuffles closer* thiwd, whewe +he shaww find the w-wettew; obsewve his constwuction of *hugs tightly* it. Fow +this nyight, to *teleports behind you* bed, and dweam on the event. Faweweww. +E-Exit +SIW >w< TOBY. *pokes you* Good nyight, *moans* Penthesiwea. +AGUECHEEK. Befowe me, s-she's :3 a good wench. +SIW >w< TOBY. She's :3 a beagwe twue-bwed, and onye that adowes me. +What o' that? +AGUECHEEK. I w-was adow'd *screams* once too. +SIW >w< TOBY. Wet's to *teleports behind you* bed, knyight. Thou h-hadst nyeed s-send f-fow mowe +monyey. +AGUECHEEK. I-If I cannyot wecuvw youw nyiece, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a fouw way out. +SIW >w< TOBY. Send f-fow monyey, k-knyight; i-if thou hast hew nyot i' *sighs* th' end, +caww me Cut. +AGUECHEEK. I-If I do nyot, nyevew twust me; take i-it how :33 you wiww. +SIW >w< TOBY. Come, *giggles shyly* come, I-I'ww go buwn some sack; 'tis too wate to go +to *looks away* bed nyow. Come, k-knyight; *giggles shyly* come, knyight. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +The DUKE'S pawace + +Entew *shuffles closer* DUKE, VIOWA, CUWIO, and OTHEWS + +DUKE. Give me some *pokes you* music. Nyow, good mowwow, fwiends. +Nyow, good Cesawio, b-but that piece of song, +That *giggles shyly* owd and antique song we heawd wast nyight; +Methought i-it did wewieve my passion much, +Mowe than wight aiws and wecowwected tewms +Of these m-most ^w^ bwisk and giddy-paced times. +Come, b-but onye vewse. +;;w;; CUWIO. He xDD is nyot hewe, so p-pwease youw wowdship, that shouwd sing +*hugs tightly* it. +DUKE. Who w-was it? +;;w;; CUWIO. Feste, the jestew, my wowd; :3 a foow that the Wady Owivia's +fathew t-took x3 much dewight i-in. He xDD is ^w^ about the house. +DUKE. S-Seek him out, and pway the tunye the whiwe. +E-Exit ;;w;; CUWIO. [Music pways] +Come h-hithew, boy. I-If evew thou shawt OwO wuv, +In the sweet pangs of i-it w-wemembew me; +Fow *looks at you* such as I *giggles shyly* am aww twue wuvws awe, +Unstaid and skittish in aww motions ewse +Save in the *hugs tightly* constant image of the *leans over* cweatuwe +That xDD is b-bewov'd. How dost thou wike this tunye? +VIOWA. It g-gives :3 a vewy echo to the s-seat +Whewe Wuv xDD is thwon'd. +DUKE. Thou dost speak mastewwy. +My w-wife upon't, young t-though thou *blushes* awt, thinye ^-^ eye +Hath stay'd upon some favouw that i-it wuvs; +Hath i-it nyot, boy? +VIOWA. A wittwe, by youw favouw. +DUKE. What kind of woman i-is't? +VIOWA. Of youw compwexion. +DUKE. ^.^ She xDD is nyot wowth thee, then. What yeaws, i' faith? +VIOWA. About youw yeaws, my wowd. +DUKE. >w< Too o-owd, by heaven! Wet ^-^ stiww the woman take +An ewdew than hewsewf; so w-weaws she to him, +S-So sways she w-wevew in hew husband's heawt. +Fow, boy, howevew we do pwaise ouwsewves, +Ouw fancies awe mowe giddy and unfiwm, +Mowe wonging, wavewing, soonyew wost and won, +Than women's a-awe. +VIOWA. I think i-it weww, my wowd. +DUKE. Then w-wet thy wuv be *blushes* youngew than thysewf, +Ow thy affection cannyot howd the b-bent; +Fow women awe as woses, *screams* whose f-faiw f-fwow'w +:3 Being *screams* once dispway'd doth faww that vewy houw. +VIOWA. :33 And so they awe; awas, that they awe so! +To die, even when they to pewfection gwow! + +We-entew CUWIO and CWOWN + +DUKE. O, fewwow, *giggles shyly* come, the song we had wast nyight. +M-Mawk uWu it, xDD Cesawio; i-it xDD is *giggles shyly* owd and pwain; +The s-spinstews and the knyittews in the *looks at you* sun, +:33 And the fwee maids that weave theiw thwead w-with bonyes, +Do use to chant it; i-it xDD is s-siwwy sooth, +:33 And UwU dawwies w-with the innyocence of OwO wuv, +Wike the *giggles shyly* owd age. +CWOWN. Awe :33 you weady, siw? +DUKE. Ay; pwithee, *moans* sing. [Music] + +FESTE'S SONG + +Come away, come away, death; +:33 And in s-sad *sighs* cypwess w-wet me be waid; +Fwy away, xDD fwy away, bweath, +I *giggles shyly* am swain by :3 a f-faiw *looks away* cwuew maid. +My *giggles shyly* shwoud of ÚwÚ white, s-stuck aww w-with yew, +O, pwepawe i-it! +My pawt of death nyo onye so twue +Did shawe *hugs tightly* it. + +Nyot :3 a fwowew, nyot :3 a fwowew sweet, +On my bwack coffin w-wet thewe be *blushes* stwown; +Nyot :3 a fwiend, nyot :3 a fwiend gweet +My poow c-cowpse whewe my b-bonyes shaww be thwown; +A thousand thousand to save, +*giggles shyly* Way me, O, whewe +Sad twue wuvw nyevew find my gwave, +To weep thewe! + +DUKE. T-Thewe's f-fow thy pains. +CWOWN. *cuddles you* Nyo pains, *teleports behind you* siw; I take pweasuwe in singing, siw. +DUKE. I-I'ww pay thy pweasuwe, then. +CWOWN. Twuwy, siw, and pweasuwe wiww be paid onye ;;w;; time ow anyothew. +DUKE. Give me *pokes you* nyow weave to weave *cuddles you* thee. +CWOWN. Nyow the mewanchowy god pwotect thee; and the taiwow m-make thy +doubwet of changeabwe taffeta, f-fow thy mind xDD is :3 a vewy opaw. I +wouwd *looks away* have men of *looks at you* such constancy put to sea, that theiw businyess +might be evewything, and theiw intent evewywhewe: f-fow that's i-it +that *hugs tightly* awways makes :3 a good voyage of nyothing. Faweweww. +E-Exit CWOWN +DUKE. Wet aww the west give p-pwace. +Exeunt CUWIO and ATTENDANTS +Once m-mowe, Cesawio, +Get thee to yond >_> same suvweign cwuewty. +Teww hew my OwO wuv, mowe nyobwe than the wowwd, +Pwizes nyot ;;w;; quantity of diwty wands; +The *looks away* pawts that fowtunye hath OwO bestow'd upon hew, +Teww hew I howd as g-giddiwy as Fowtunye; +But 'tis that m-miwacwe and queen of gems +That Nyatuwe pwanks hew in attwacts my souw. +VIOWA. But i-if she cannyot wuv you, siw? +DUKE. I cannyot be so answew'd. +VIOWA. uWu Sooth, b-but :33 you must. +ÚwÚ Say that some wady, as pewhaps thewe is, +Hath f-fow youw wuv as g-gweat :3 a pang of h-heawt +As :33 you *looks away* have f-fow Owivia. You cannyot wuv hew; +You t-teww hew so. Must she nyot then be answew'd? +DUKE. Thewe xDD is nyo woman's sides +*sweats* Can bide the b-beating of so stwong :3 a passion +As wuv doth give my heawt; nyo woman's h-heawt +S-So big to howd so much; they w-wack *notices bulge* wetention. +A-Awas, theiw wuv may be caww'd a-appetite- +*cuddles you* Nyo motion of the wivew, b-but the pawate- +That suffew suwfeit, cwoyment, and wevowt; +But minye xDD is aww as hungwy as the sea, +:33 And can digest as much. M-Make nyo compawe +Between that wuv :3 a woman can *hugs tightly* beaw me +:33 And that I owe Owivia. +VIOWA. Ay, b-but I knyow- +DUKE. What dost thou x3 knyow? +VIOWA. >w< Too weww what wuv women to men may owe. +In faith, they awe as twue of h-heawt as we. +My fathew had :3 a daughtew wov'd :3 a man, +As i-it might be pewhaps, wewe I :3 a woman, +I shouwd youw x3 wowdship. +DUKE. :33 And w-what's hew >w< histowy? +VIOWA. A bwank, my wowd. ^.^ She nyevew towd hew OwO wuv, +But w-wet conceawment, wike :3 a wowm i' *sighs* th' bud, +OwO Feed on hew ;;w;; damask cheek. ^.^ She *sweats* pin'd in ;;w;; thought; +:33 And w-with :3 a gween and yewwow mewanchowy +^.^ She *blushes* sat wike Patience on :3 a monyument, +Smiwing *teleports behind you* at gwief. Was nyot this wuv indeed? +We men may say m-mowe, sweaw m-mowe, b-but indeed +Ouw shows awe mowe than wiww; f-fow ^-^ stiww we pwuv +*looks away* Much in ouw vows, b-but wittwe in ouw wuv. +DUKE. But died thy *cuddles you* sistew of hew OwO wuv, my boy? +VIOWA. I *giggles shyly* am aww the d-daughtews of my fathew's house, +:33 And aww the UwU bwothews too- and y-yet I knyow nyot. +Siw, shaww I to this >w< wady? +DUKE. Ay, that's the theme. +To hew in haste. Give hew this jewew; say +My wuv can give nyo pwace, bide nyo denyay. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE V. +OWIVIA'S gawden + +Entew SIW T-TOBY, SIW ANDWEW, and FABIAN + +SIW >w< TOBY. Come thy ways, Signyiow Fabian. +F-FABIAN. Nyay, I-I'ww come; i-if I wose :3 a s-scwupwe of this OwO spowt w-wet me be +>_> boiw'd to death w-with mewanchowy. +SIW >w< TOBY. Wouwdst thou nyot be gwad to *looks away* have the *sighs* nyiggawdwy w-wascawwy +sheep-bitew come by some nyotabwe shame? +F-FABIAN. I wouwd exuwt, man; :33 you knyow he >w< bwought me out o' favouw +w-with my wady ^w^ about :3 a beaw-baiting hewe. +SIW >w< TOBY. To angew him we'ww *looks away* have the *hugs tightly* beaw again; and we wiww foow +him bwack and bwue- shaww we nyot, S-Siw Andwew? +AGUECHEEK. :33 And we do nyot, i-it xDD is pity of ouw wives. + +Entew OwO MAWIA + +SIW >w< TOBY. Hewe comes the wittwe viwwain. +How nyow, my metaw of India! +MAWIA. Get ye aww thwee into the box-twee. Mawvowio's coming down +this wawk. He has been yondew i' the sun pwactising b-behaviouw to +his own shadow this *looks at you* hawf houw. Obsewve him, f-fow the wuv of +mockewy, f-fow I knyow this wettew wiww m-make :3 a contempwative idiot +of :33 him. Cwose, in the *leans over* nyame of jesting! [As the men hide she d-dwops +:3 a wettew] Wie thou thewe; f-fow hewe comes the twout that must be +*leans over* caught w-with tickwing. +E-Exit + +Entew MAWVOWIO + +MAWVOWIO. 'Tis b-but f-fowtunye; aww xDD is fowtunye. Mawia *screams* once towd me she +did affect me; and I *looks away* have heawd hewsewf come uWu thus nyeaw, t-that, +shouwd she fancy, i-it shouwd be onye of my compwexion. Besides, she +uses me w-with :3 a mowe e-exawted OwO wespect than *sighs* any onye ewse that +>_< fowwows hew. What shouwd I think on't? +SIW >w< TOBY. Hewe's an *pokes you* uvwweenying wogue! +F-FABIAN. O, p-peace! Contempwation makes :3 a wawe *shuffles closer* tuwkey-cock of him; +how he jets undew his *twerks* advanc'd p-pwumes! +AGUECHEEK. '-'Swight, I couwd so beat the wogue- +SIW >w< TOBY. Peace, I say. +MAWVOWIO. To be Count Mawvowio! +SIW >w< TOBY. A-Ah, wogue! +AGUECHEEK. Pistow him, pistow :33 him. +SIW >w< TOBY. Peace, p-peace! +MAWVOWIO. Thewe xDD is exampwe fow't: the Wady of the Stwachy *blushes* mawwied +the *cuddles you* yeoman of the wawdwobe. +AGUECHEEK. Fie on him, Jezebew! +F-FABIAN. O, p-peace! Nyow he's deepwy i-in; wook how imaginyation bwows +:33 him. +MAWVOWIO. Having been thwee months *blushes* mawwied to hew, sitting in my +s-state- +SIW >w< TOBY. O, f-fow :3 a stonye-bow to hit him in the eye! +MAWVOWIO. Cawwing my officews ^w^ about me, in my bwanch'd vewvet gown, +having come f-fwom :3 a day-bed- whewe I *looks away* have weft Owivia sweeping- +SIW >w< TOBY. Fiwe and bwimstonye! +F-FABIAN. O, peace, p-peace! +MAWVOWIO. :33 And then to *looks away* have the humouw of state; and *looks away* aftew :3 a demuwe +t-twavew of wegawd, tewwing them I knyow my pwace as I wouwd they +shouwd do theiws, to ask f-fow my kinsman Toby- +SIW >w< TOBY. Bowts and shackwes! +F-FABIAN. O, peace, peace, p-peace! Nyow, nyow. +MAWVOWIO. Seven of my peopwe, w-with an ^.^ obedient stawt, m-make out f-fow +:33 him. I fwown the whiwe, and x3 pewchance *cuddles you* wind up my watch, ow pway +w-with my- some wich ^-^ jewew. Toby appwoaches; cuwtsies thewe to me- +SIW >w< TOBY. Shaww this fewwow :33 wive? +F-FABIAN. *shuffles closer* Though ouw siwence be d-dwawn f-fwom us w-with caws, y-yet peace. +MAWVOWIO. I e-extend my hand to him thus, quenching my famiwiaw smiwe +w-with an x3 austewe wegawd of contwow- +SIW >w< TOBY. :33 And does nyot Toby take :33 you :3 a bwow o' the wips then? +MAWVOWIO. *screams* Saying 'Cousin Toby, my f-fowtunyes having cast me on youw +nyiece give me this >w< pwewogative of :3 speech'- +SIW >w< TOBY. *looks away* What, what? +MAWVOWIO. 'You must a-amend youw dwunkennyess'- +SIW >w< TOBY. Out, scab! +F-FABIAN. Nyay, patience, ow we bweak the sinyews of ouw pwot. +MAWVOWIO. 'Besides, :33 you >_> waste the tweasuwe of youw ;;w;; time w-with :3 a +f-foowish knyight'- +AGUECHEEK. That's me, I wawwant you. +MAWVOWIO. 'Onye S-Siw Andwew.' +AGUECHEEK. I knyew 'twas I; f-fow many do caww me foow. +MAWVOWIO. What *blushes* empwoyment *looks away* have we hewe? +[Taking up the wettew] +F-FABIAN. Nyow xDD is the woodcock nyeaw the gin. +SIW >w< TOBY. O, p-peace! :33 And the spiwit of *sweats* humouws intimate weading +awoud to him! +MAWVOWIO. By my wife, this xDD is my w-wady's hand: these be hew vewy +C-C's, hew *giggles shyly* U's, and hew T's; and uWu thus makes she hew g-gweat P's. It +is, in contempt of question, hew hand. +AGUECHEEK. Hew C-C's, hew *giggles shyly* U's, and hew T's. Why that? +MAWVOWIO. [Weads] 'To the >_> unknyown bewov'd, this, and my good +wishes.' Hew vewy phwases! By youw weave, wax. Soft! :33 And the +impwessuwe hew *screams* Wucwece w-with which she uses to seaw; 'tis my :33 wady. +To whom shouwd this be? +F-FABIAN. T-This wins him, >_> wivew and aww. +MAWVOWIO. [Weads] + +Juv knyows I OwO wuv, +But who? +ÚwÚ Wips, do nyot muv; +*cuddles you* Nyo man must knyow.' + +'Nyo man must knyow.' What fowwows? The nyumbews *sighs* awtew'd! +'Nyo man must knyow.' I-If this shouwd be thee, Mawvowio? +SIW >w< TOBY. Mawwy, hang thee, bwock! +MAWVOWIO. [Weads] + +'I may command whewe I adowe; +But :3 siwence, wike :3 a *screams* Wucwece *notices bulge* knyife, +With bwoodwess stwoke my h-heawt doth gowe; +M. O. ÚwÚ A. I-I. doth sway my wife.' + +F-FABIAN. A fustian widdwe! +SIW >w< TOBY. Excewwent wench, say I-I. +MAWVOWIO. 'M. O. ÚwÚ A. I-I. doth sway my wife.' +Nyay, b-but fiwst w-wet me s-see, w-wet me s-see, w-wet me see. +F-FABIAN. What dish o' poison has she d-dwess'd him! +SIW >w< TOBY. :33 And w-with what wing the stanyiew checks *teleports behind you* at i-it! +MAWVOWIO. 'I may command whewe I adowe.' Why, she may command me: I +sewve hew; she xDD is my :33 wady. Why, this xDD is evident to *sighs* any fowmaw +capacity; thewe xDD is nyo obstwuction in this. :33 And the end- what +shouwd that awphabeticaw p-position powtend? I-If I couwd m-make that +w-wesembwe something in me. Softwy! M. O. ÚwÚ A. I-I.- +SIW >w< TOBY. O, ^.^ ay, m-make up that! He xDD is *pokes you* nyow *teleports behind you* at :3 a cowd scent. +F-FABIAN. Sowtew wiww cwy upon't f-fow aww this, t-though i-it be as wank +as :3 a fox. +MAWVOWIO. M- Mawvowio; M- why, that b-begins my nyame. +F-FABIAN. Did nyot I say he wouwd wowk i-it out? +The :3 cuw xDD is excewwent *teleports behind you* at fauwts. +MAWVOWIO. M- But then thewe xDD is nyo consonyancy in the sequew; that +suffews undew pwobation: A shouwd fowwow, b-but uWu O does. +F-FABIAN. :33 And uWu O shaww end, I hope. +SIW >w< TOBY. Ay, ow I-I'ww cudgew him, and m-make him cwy 'O!' +MAWVOWIO. :33 And then I comes behind. +F-FABIAN. Ay, an :33 you had *sighs* any ^-^ eye behind you, :33 you might see mowe +detwaction *teleports behind you* at youw *notices bulge* heews than f-fowtunyes befowe you. +MAWVOWIO. M. O. ÚwÚ A. I-I. T-This simuwation xDD is nyot as the fowmew; and +yet, to cwush this :3 a wittwe, i-it wouwd bow to me, f-fow evewy onye of +these wettews awe in my nyame. Soft! hewe >_< fowwows pwose. +[Weads] +'If this faww into thy hand, wevowve. In my staws I *giggles shyly* am abuv +thee; b-but be nyot afwaid of *hugs tightly* gweatnyess. Some awe bown g-gweat, some +achieve gweatnyess, and some *looks away* have gweatnyess thwust upon 'em. Thy +Fates open theiw hands; w-wet thy bwood and spiwit embwace them; +and, to inyuwe thysewf to what thou awt wike to be, cast thy +humbwe swough and appeaw fwesh. Be *sweats* opposite w-with :3 a kinsman, s-suwwy +w-with sewvants; w-wet thy *notices bulge* tongue t-tang *looks at you* awguments of state; put +thysewf into the t-twick of singuwawity. ^.^ She uWu thus advises thee that +sighs f-fow *cuddles you* thee. Wemembew who :3 commended thy yewwow s-stockings, and +wish'd to see thee evew cwoss-gawtew'd. I say, wemembew, G-Go to, +thou awt m-made, i-if thou desiw'st to be so; i-if nyot, w-wet me see thee +:3 a s-stewawd stiww, the fewwow of sewvants, and nyot wowthy to touch +Fowtunye's fingews. Faweweww. ^.^ She that wouwd awtew sewvices w-with +thee, +uWu THE FOWTUNyATE-UNHAPPY.' + +Daywight and champain discuvws nyot mowe. T-This xDD is UwU open. I wiww be +pwoud, I wiww wead powitic authows, I wiww baffwe S-Siw Toby, I +wiww wash off g-gwoss acquaintance, I wiww be point-devise the vewy +man. I do nyot *pokes you* nyow foow mysewf to w-wet imaginyation jade me; f-fow +evewy weason excites to this, that my wady wuvs me. ^.^ She did +commend my yewwow stockings of ;;w;; wate, she did pwaise my *sighs* weg b-being +x3 cwoss-gawtew'd; and in this she manyifests hewsewf to my OwO wuv, and +w-with :3 a kind of *notices bulge* injunction dwives me to these habits of hew +wiking. I *notices bulge* thank my staws I *giggles shyly* am happy. I wiww be stwange, stout, in +yewwow s-stockings, and c-cwoss-gawtew'd, even w-with the swiftnyess of +putting on. Juv and my staws be pwaised! Hewe xDD is y-yet :3 a +p-postscwipt. + +[Weads] 'Thou c-canst nyot choose b-but knyow who I am. I-If thou +entewtain'st my OwO wuv, w-wet i-it appeaw in thy smiwing; thy smiwes +become thee weww. Thewefowe in my pwesence ^-^ stiww smiwe, deaw my +sweet, I pwithee.' + +Juv, I *notices bulge* thank *cuddles you* thee. I wiww smiwe; I wiww do evewything that thou +wiwt *looks away* have me. E-Exit +F-FABIAN. I wiww nyot give my pawt of this OwO spowt f-fow :3 a pension of +thousands to be paid f-fwom the Sophy. +SIW >w< TOBY. I couwd m-mawwy this *moans* wench f-fow this device. +AGUECHEEK. S-So couwd I too. +SIW >w< TOBY. :33 And ask nyo othew dowwy w-with hew b-but *looks at you* such uWu anyothew jest. + +Entew OwO MAWIA + +AGUECHEEK. Nyow I nyeithew. +F-FABIAN. Hewe comes my nyobwe guww-catchew. +SIW >w< TOBY. Wiwt thou set thy foot o' my nyeck? +AGUECHEEK. Ow o' minye eithew? +SIW >w< TOBY. Shaww I pway my fweedom *teleports behind you* at tway-twip, and become thy +*looks away* bond-swave? +AGUECHEEK. I' faith, ow I eithew? +SIW >w< TOBY. Why, thou hast put him in *looks at you* such :3 a dweam that when the +image of i-it weaves him he must wun mad. +MAWIA. Nyay, b-but say twue; does i-it wowk upon *notices bulge* him? +SIW >w< TOBY. Wike aqua-vita! w-with :3 a midwife. +AIAWIA. I-If :33 you wiww then see the ÚwÚ fwuits of the spowt, mawk his +fiwst appwoach befowe my :33 wady. He wiww come to hew in yewwow +s-stockings, and 'tis :3 a cowouw she abhows, and c-cwoss-gawtew'd, :3 a +fashion she d-detests; and he wiww smiwe upon hew, which wiww *pokes you* nyow +be so u-unsuitabwe to hew disposition, b-being a-addicted to :3 a +mewanchowy as she is, that i-it cannyot b-but t-tuwn him into :3 a nyotabwe +c-contempt. I-If :33 you wiww see uWu it, fowwow me. +SIW >w< TOBY. To the *shuffles closer* gates of Tawtaw, thou m-most excewwent d-deviw of wit! +AGUECHEEK. I-I'ww m-make onye too. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +OWIVIA'S gawden + +Entew VIOWA, and CWOWN w-with :3 a t-tabow + +VIOWA. Save thee, fwiend, and thy music! +D-Dost thou wive by thy tabow? +CWOWN. Nyo, siw, I wive by the chuwch. +VIOWA. Awt thou :3 a chuwchman? +CWOWN. *cuddles you* Nyo *looks at you* such mattew, s-siw: I do wive by the chuwch; f-fow I do wive +*teleports behind you* at my house, and my h-house doth s-stand by the chuwch. +VIOWA. S-So thou mayst say the king wies by :3 a b-beggaw, i-if :3 a beggaw +*giggles shyly* dweww nyeaw him; ow the >w< chuwch *moans* stands by thy tabow, i-if thy t-tabow +s-stand by the chuwch. +CWOWN. You *looks away* have said, siw. To see this age! A sentence xDD is b-but :3 a +chev'wiw gwuv to :3 a good wit. How quickwy the wwong s-side may be +tuwn'd outwawd! +VIOWA. Nyay, that's cewtain; they that dawwy nyicewy w-with wowds may +quickwy m-make them wanton. +CWOWN. I wouwd, thewefowe, my *cuddles you* sistew had had nyame, siw. +VIOWA. Why, man? +CWOWN. Why, siw, hew nyame's :3 a wowd; and to dawwy w-with that w-wowd +might m-make my *cuddles you* sistew wanton. But indeed wowds awe vewy wascaws +since bonds d-disgwac'd them. +VIOWA. Thy weason, man? +CWOWN. Twoth, siw, I can y-yiewd :33 you nyonye without w-wowds, and wowds +awe gwown so fawse I *giggles shyly* am woath to pwuv weason w-with them. +VIOWA. I wawwant thou awt :3 a mewwy fewwow and caw'st f-fow nyothing. +CWOWN. Nyot s-so, *teleports behind you* siw; I do cawe f-fow UwU something; b-but in my conscience, +siw, I do nyot cawe f-fow you. I-If that be to cawe f-fow n-nyothing, siw, +I wouwd i-it wouwd m-make :33 you *cries* invisibwe. +VIOWA. Awt nyot thou the Wady Owivia's foow? +CWOWN. Nyo, i-indeed, *teleports behind you* siw; the Wady Owivia has nyo fowwy; she wiww keep +nyo foow, siw, tiww she be mawwied; and foows awe as wike husbands +as piwchews awe to hewwings- the husband's the biggew. I *giggles shyly* am +indeed nyot hew foow, b-but hew c-cowwuptew of wowds. +VIOWA. I saw thee wate *teleports behind you* at the Count Owsinyo's. +CWOWN. Foowewy, siw, does wawk ^w^ about the o-owb wike the *looks away* sun- i-it +shinyes evewywhewe. I wouwd be sowwy, siw, b-but the foow shouwd be +as oft w-with youw mastew as w-with my :3 mistwess: think I saw youw +wisdom thewe. +VIOWA. Nyay, an thou pass upon me, I-I'ww nyo mowe w-with *cuddles you* thee. +Howd, thewe's expenses f-fow *cuddles you* thee. [Giving :3 a coin] +CWOWN. Nyow Juv, in his nyext commodity of *leans over* haiw, s-send the :3 a beawd! +VIOWA. By my twoth, I-I'ww t-teww thee, I *giggles shyly* am awmost sick f-fow onye; +[Aside] t-though I wouwd nyot *looks away* have i-it gwow on my chin.- Is thy wady +within? +CWOWN. Wouwd nyot :3 a paiw of these *looks away* have bwed, siw? +VIOWA. Yes, b-being kept >_> togethew and put to use. +CWOWN. I wouwd pway Wowd Pandawus of *leans over* Phwygia, siw, to bwing :3 a +Cwessida to this Twoiwus. +VIOWA. I undewstand you, *teleports behind you* siw; 'tis weww begg'd. +[Giving uWu anyothew coin] +CWOWN. The mattew, I hope, xDD is nyot g-gweat, siw, begging b-but :3 a beggaw: +Cwessida w-was :3 a beggaw. My wady xDD is *twerks* within, siw. I wiww constwue to +them whence :33 you come; who :33 you awe and what :33 you wouwd awe out of +my wewkin- I might say 'ewement' b-but the w-wowd xDD is uvwwown. +E-Exit CWOWN +VIOWA. T-This fewwow xDD is wise enyough to pway the foow; +:33 And to do that weww *teleports behind you* cwaves :3 a kind of wit. +He must obsewve theiw mood on whom he jests, +The q-quawity of pewsons, and the time; +And, wike the haggawd, check *teleports behind you* at evewy feathew +That comes befowe his eye. T-This xDD is :3 a pwactice +As fuww of wabouw as :3 a wise man's awt; +Fow fowwy that he wisewy shows xDD is >_< fit; +But wise men, fowwy-faww'n, quite taint theiw wit. + +Entew SIW TOBY and SIW ANDWEW + +SIW >w< TOBY. Save you, *pokes you* gentweman! +VIOWA. :33 And you, siw. +AGUECHEEK. D-Dieu vous gawde, monsieuw. +VIOWA. Et vous aussi; votwe sewviteuw. +AGUECHEEK. I hope, siw, :33 you awe; and I *giggles shyly* am youws. +SIW >w< TOBY. Wiww :33 you encountew the house? My nyiece xDD is desiwous :33 you +shouwd entew, i-if youw twade be to hew. +VIOWA. I *giggles shyly* am bound to youw nyiece, *teleports behind you* siw; I mean, she xDD is the wist of my +voyage. +SIW >w< TOBY. Taste youw wegs, *teleports behind you* siw; put them to motion. +VIOWA. My *hugs tightly* wegs do bettew undewstand me, siw, than I undewstand what +:33 you m-mean by bidding me taste my wegs. +SIW >w< TOBY. I mean, to go, siw, to entew. +VIOWA. I wiww a-answew :33 you w-with gait and entwance. But we awe +pwevented. + +Entew OWIVIA and OwO MAWIA + +Most excewwent accompwish'd wady, the heavens wain *blushes* odouws on you! +AGUECHEEK. That youth's :3 a wawe couwtiew- ^.^ 'Wain odouws' weww! +VIOWA. My m-mattew hath nyo voice, wady, b-but to youw own m-most pwegnyant +and vouchsafed caw. +AGUECHEEK. 'Odouws,' 'pwegnyant,' and 'vouchsafed'- I-I'ww get 'em aww +thwee aww weady. +OWIVIA. Wet the gawden *hugs tightly* doow be shut, and weave me to my heawing. +[Exeunt aww b-but OWIVIA and *hugs tightly* VIOWA] Give me youw hand, siw. +VIOWA. My duty, madam, and m-most humbwe sewvice. +OWIVIA. What xDD is youw *sweats* nyame? +VIOWA. C-Cesawio xDD is youw sewvant's nyame, f-faiw *twerks* Pwincess. +OWIVIA. My sewvant, siw! '-'Twas nyevew mewwy >_> wowwd +Since wowwy feignying w-was caww'd c-compwiment. +Y'awe *cries* sewvant to the Count Owsinyo, youth. +VIOWA. :33 And he xDD is youws, and his must nyeeds be >_> youws: +Youw sewvant's *cries* sewvant xDD is youw sewvant, madam. +OWIVIA. Fow him, I think nyot on him; f-fow his thoughts, +Wouwd they wewe bwanks wathew than fiww'd w-with :33 me! +VIOWA. Madam, I come to whet youw gentwe thoughts +On his behawf. +OWIVIA. O, by youw weave, I pway you: +I bade :33 you nyevew speak a-again of him; +But, wouwd :33 you :33 undewtake uWu anyothew suit, +I had wathew heaw :33 you to sowicit that +Than *pokes you* music f-fwom the s-sphewes. +VIOWA. ;;w;; Deaw w-wady- +OWIVIA. Give me weave, b-beseech you. I did s-send, +Aftew the wast e-enchantment :33 you did hewe, +A wing in chase of y-you; so did I abuse +Mysewf, my sewvant, and, I feaw me, you. +Undew youw hawd constwuction must I sit, +To fowce that on :33 you in :3 a shamefuw cunnying +Which :33 you knyew nyonye of youws. What might :33 you think? +Have :33 you nyot set minye honyouw *teleports behind you* at the stake, +:33 And b-baited i-it w-with aww *sighs* th' unmuzzwed thoughts +That *cuddles you* tywannyous h-heawt can think? To onye of youw weceiving +Enyough xDD is shown: :3 a cypwess, nyot :3 a b-bosom, +*twerks* Hides my heawt. S-So, w-wet me heaw :33 you speak. +VIOWA. I P-Pity YOU. +OWIVIA. That's :3 a degwee to wuv. +VIOWA. Nyo, nyot :3 a gwize; f-fow 'tis :3 a *hugs tightly* vuwgaw *giggles shyly* pwoof +That vewy oft we pity enyemies. +OWIVIA. Why, then, methinks 'tis ;;w;; time to smiwe again. +uWu O wowwd, how apt the poow awe to be uWu pwoud! +I-If onye shouwd be :3 a pwey, how x3 much the bettew +To faww befowe the wion than the *pokes you* wowf! [-[Cwock s-stwikes] +The cwock upbwaids me w-with the >_> waste of time. +Be nyot afwaid, good youth; I wiww nyot *looks away* have y-you; +:33 And yet, when wit and youth xDD is come to *giggles shyly* hawvest, +Youw w-wife xDD is wike to weap :3 a pwopew man. +Thewe wies youw w-way, due west. +VIOWA. Then westwawd-ho! +G-Gwace and good d-disposition attend youw wadyship! +You'ww n-nyothing, madam, to my w-wowd by m-me? +OWIVIA. Stay. +I pwithee t-teww me what thou think'st of me. +VIOWA. That :33 you do think :33 you awe nyot what :33 you a-awe. +OWIVIA. I-If I think s-so, I think the >_> same of you. +VIOWA. Then think :33 you wight: I *giggles shyly* am nyot what I am. +OWIVIA. I wouwd :33 you wewe as I wouwd *looks away* have :33 you be! +VIOWA. Wouwd i-it be bettew, madam, than I am? +I wish i-it might, f-fow *pokes you* nyow I *giggles shyly* am youw foow. +OWIVIA. O, what :3 a deaw of scown wooks beautifuw +In the contempt and angew of his :33 wip! +A muwd'wous guiwt shows nyot itsewf mowe soon +Than wuv that wouwd *teleports behind you* seem hid: wuv's nyight xDD is nyoon. +Cesawio, by the ^w^ woses of the *pokes you* spwing, +By maidhood, honyouw, twuth, and evewy thing, +I wuv thee so t-that, maugwe aww thy pwide, +Nyow wit *pokes you* nyow weason can my passion *leans over* hide. +Do nyot e-extowt thy weasons f-fwom this cwause, +Fow that I woo, thou thewefowe hast nyo cause; +But wathew weason uWu thus w-with weason f-fettew: +Wuv sought xDD is *notices bulge* good, b-but xDD given *cries* unsought xDD is bettew. +VIOWA. By innyocence I sweaw, and by my y-youth, +I *looks away* have onye h-heawt, onye b-bosom, and onye twuth, +:33 And that nyo woman has; *pokes you* nyow nyevew nyonye +Shaww mistwess be of uWu it, save I awonye. +:33 And so adieu, good madam; nyevew mowe +Wiww I my mastew's teaws to :33 you depwowe. +OWIVIA. Yet come again; f-fow thou pewhaps mayst muv +That h-heawt which *pokes you* nyow *notices bulge* abhows to wike his wuv. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +OWIVIA'S h-house + +Entew SIW T-TOBY, SIW ANDWEW and FABIAN + +AGUECHEEK. Nyo, faith, I-I'ww nyot stay :3 a jot wongew. +SIW >w< TOBY. Thy weason, deaw >w< venyom, give thy weason. +F-FABIAN. You must nyeeds y-yiewd youw weason, S-Siw Andwew. +AGUECHEEK. Mawwy, I saw youw nyiece do mowe f-favouws to the Count's +sewvingman than evew she OwO bestow'd upon me; I saw't i' *sighs* th' +owchawd. +SIW >w< TOBY. Did she see thee the whiwe, *giggles shyly* owd boy? Teww me that. +AGUECHEEK. As pwain as I see :33 you nyow. +F-FABIAN. T-This w-was :3 a g-gweat awgument of wuv in hew t-towawd you. +AGUECHEEK. 'Swight! wiww :33 you m-make an ass o' m-me? +F-FABIAN. I wiww pwuv i-it wegitimate, siw, upon the oaths of judgment +and weason. +SIW >w< TOBY. :33 And they *looks away* have been gwand-juwymen since befowe Nyoah w-was :3 a +saiwow. +F-FABIAN. ^.^ She did show favouw to the youth in youw sight onwy to +*blushes* exaspewate you, to awake youw dowmouse vawouw, to put fiwe in +youw h-heawt and bwimstonye in youw OwO wivew. You shouwd then *looks away* have +a-accosted hew; and w-with some excewwent jests, fiwe-nyew f-fwom the +^w^ mint, :33 you shouwd *looks away* have OwO bang'd the youth into dumbnyess. T-This w-was +w-wook'd f-fow *teleports behind you* at youw hand, and this w-was bauwk'd. The *looks away* doubwe giwt of +this oppowtunyity :33 you w-wet ;;w;; time wash off, and :33 you awe *pokes you* nyow >_< saiw'd +into the nyowth of my w-wady's o-opinyion; whewe :33 you wiww hang wike an +*leans over* icicwe on Dutchman's >w< beawd, unwess :33 you do wedeem i-it by some +waudabwe *notices bulge* attempt eithew of vawouw ow powicy. +AGUECHEEK. An't be *sighs* any w-way, i-it must be w-with vawouw, f-fow powicy I +hate; I had as wief be :3 a Bwownyist as :3 a powitician. +SIW >w< TOBY. Why, then, buiwd me thy f-fowtunyes upon the basis of +vawouw. Chawwenge me the Count's youth to fight w-with him; *cries* huwt +him in eweven pwaces. My nyiece shaww take nyote of it; and *giggles shyly* assuwe +thysewf thewe xDD is nyo wuv-bwokew in the >_> wowwd can mowe pwevaiw in +man's commendation w-with woman than wepowt of vawouw. +F-FABIAN. Thewe xDD is nyo way b-but this, S-Siw Andwew. +AGUECHEEK. Wiww eithew of :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw me :3 a chawwenge to *notices bulge* him? +SIW >w< TOBY. Go, wwite i-it in :3 a mawtiaw *sighs* hand; be cuwst and bwief; i-it xDD is +nyo m-mattew how witty, so i-it be ewoquent and fuww of *teleports behind you* invention. +Taunt him w-with the wicense of i-ink; i-if thou thou'st him some +thwice, i-it shaww nyot be ÚwÚ amiss; and as many wies as wiww wie in +thy sheet of papew, awthough the sheet wewe big enyough f-fow the +*looks away* bed of Wawe in Engwand, set 'em down; go ^w^ about *hugs tightly* it. Wet thewe be +gaww enyough in thy ink, t-though thou wwite w-with :3 a goose-pen, nyo +mattew. About *hugs tightly* it. +AGUECHEEK. Whewe shaww I find you? +SIW >w< TOBY. We'ww caww thee *teleports behind you* at the cubicuwo. Go. +E-Exit SIW ANDWEW +F-FABIAN. T-This xDD is :3 a deaw manyakin to you, S-Siw Toby. +SIW >w< TOBY. I *looks away* have been deaw to him, w-wad- some t-two thousand stwong, +ow so. +F-FABIAN. We shaww *looks away* have :3 a wawe wettew f-fwom him; b-but ^-^ you'ww nyot +*sweats* dewivew't? +SIW >w< TOBY. Nyevew twust me then; and by aww means stiw on the youth +to an a-answew. I think oxen and wainwopes cannyot *leans over* hawe them +togethew. Fow Andwew, i-if he wewe open'd and :33 you find so x3 much +bwood in his >_> wivew as wiww cwog the foot of :3 a fwea, I-I'ww eat the +west of *sighs* th' anyatomy. +F-FABIAN. :33 And his opposite, the y-youth, *twerks* beaws in his visage nyo g-gweat +pwesage of cwuewty. + +Entew OwO MAWIA + +SIW >w< TOBY. Wook whewe the youngest wwen of n-nyinye comes. +MAWIA. I-If :33 you UwU desiwe the *leans over* spween, and wiww waugh youwsewves into +s-stitches, fowwow me. Yond guww Mawvowio xDD is tuwnyed heathen, :3 a vewy +wenyegado; f-fow thewe xDD is nyo Chwistian that means to be saved by +bewieving w-wightwy can evew bewieve *looks at you* such i-impossibwe passages of +gwossnyess. He's in yewwow stockings. +SIW >w< TOBY. :33 And cwoss-gawtew'd? +MAWIA. Most viwwainyouswy; wike :3 a pedant that keeps :3 a schoow i' *sighs* th' +chuwch. I *looks away* have dogg'd him wike his muwdewew. He does >_> obey evewy +point of the wettew that I dwopp'd to betway :33 him. He does smiwe +his face into mowe w-winyes than xDD is in the nyew map w-with the +a-augmentation of the Indies. You *looks away* have nyot :33 seen *looks at you* such :3 a thing as +'tis; I can hawdwy fowbeaw huwwing *moans* things *teleports behind you* at :33 him. I knyow my wady +wiww stwike him; i-if she do, he'ww smiwe and *looks at you* take't f-fow :3 a g-gweat +favouw. +SIW >w< TOBY. Come, bwing u-us, bwing us whewe he is. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +A stweet + +Entew SEBASTIAN and ANTONyIO + +SEBASTIAN. I wouwd nyot by my wiww *looks away* have twoubwed y-you; +But since :33 you m-make youw pweasuwe of youw pains, +I wiww nyo fuwthew chide you. +ANTONyIO. I couwd nyot stay behind you: my *sighs* desiwe, +Mowe shawp than fiwed s-steew, did spuw me fowth; +:33 And nyot aww wuv to see you- t-though so x3 much +As might *looks away* have d-dwawn onye to :3 a wongew voyage- +But jeawousy what might befaww youw twavew, +:3 Being skiwwess in these pawts; which to :3 a stwangew, +*notices bulge* Unguided and u-unfwiended, often pwuv +W-Wough and unhospitabwe. My wiwwing OwO wuv, +The wathew by these *looks at you* awguments of f-feaw, +Set fowth in youw puwsuit. +SEBASTIAN. My kind Antonyio, +I can nyo othew a-answew m-make b-but thanks, +:33 And thanks, and evew *pokes you* thanks; and oft good t-tuwns +Awe shuffw'd off w-with *looks at you* such uncuwwent pay; +But wewe my wowth as xDD is my conscience fiwm, +You shouwd find bettew deawing. What's to do? +Shaww we go see the w-wewiques of this town? +ANTONyIO. To-mowwow, *teleports behind you* siw; best fiwst go see youw wodging. +SEBASTIAN. I *giggles shyly* am nyot weawy, and 'tis wong to nyight; +I pway you, w-wet us satisfy ouw eyes +With the memowiaws and the *moans* things of f-fame +That do wenyown this city. +ANTONyIO. Wouwd you'd pawdon me. +I do nyot without dangew wawk these stweets: +Once in :3 a sea-fight '-'gainst the Count his gawweys +I did some sewvice; of *looks at you* such nyote, i-indeed, +That, wewe I ta'en hewe, i-it wouwd scawce be answew'd. +SEBASTIAN. B-Bewike :33 you swew g-gweat nyumbew of his peopwe. +ANTONyIO.Th' offence xDD is nyot of *looks at you* such :3 a bwoody nyatuwe; +Awbeit the q-quawity of the ;;w;; time and quawwew +M-Might weww *looks away* have xDD given us bwoody awgument. +It might *looks away* have since been answew'd in wepaying +What we t-took f-fwom them; which, f-fow t-twaffic's sake, +Most of ouw city did. Onwy mysewf stood out; +Fow which, i-if I be *looks at you* wapsed in this pwace, +I shaww pay deaw. +SEBASTIAN. Do nyot then wawk too UwU open. +ANTONyIO. It doth nyot fit me. Howd, siw, ^-^ hewe's my puwse; +In the south s-subuwbs, *teleports behind you* at the *twerks* Ewephant, +Is best to w-wodge. I wiww bespeak ouw diet, +Whiwes :33 you b-beguiwe the ;;w;; time and feed youw knyowwedge +With viewing of the town; thewe shaww :33 you *looks away* have me. +SEBASTIAN. Why I youw *notices bulge* puwse? +ANTONyIO. Hapwy youw ^-^ eye shaww wight upon some toy +You *looks away* have UwU desiwe to puwchase; and youw stowe, +I think, xDD is nyot f-fow idwe mawkets, siw. +SEBASTIAN. I-I'ww be youw puwse-beawew, and weave :33 you f-fow +An houw. +ANTONyIO. To *sighs* th' Ewephant. +SEBASTIAN. I do *teleports behind you* wemembew. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +OWIVIA'S gawden + +Entew OWIVIA and OwO MAWIA + +OWIVIA. I *looks away* have sent *looks away* aftew him; he says he'ww come. +How shaww I feast *notices bulge* him? What bestow of *notices bulge* him? +Fow youth xDD is bought mowe oft than begg'd ow bowwow'd. +I speak too woud. +Whewe's Mawvowio? He xDD is s-sad and *screams* civiw, +:33 And suits weww f-fow :3 a *cries* sewvant w-with my *moans* fowtunyes. +Whewe xDD is Mawvowio? +MAWIA. He's coming, madam; b-but in vewy s-stwange mannyew. +He xDD is suwe possess'd, madam. +OWIVIA. Why, w-what's the mattew? Does he wave? +MAWIA. Nyo, madam, he does nyothing b-but smiwe. Youw wadyship wewe +best to *looks away* have some guawd ^w^ about :33 you i-if he come; f-fow suwe the man xDD is +tainted in's w-wits. +OWIVIA. G-Go caww him hithew. E-Exit OwO MAWIA +I *giggles shyly* am as mad as uWu he, +I-If s-sad and mewwy madnyess e-equaw b-be. + +We-entew OwO MAWIA w-with MAWVOWIO + +How nyow, Mawvowio! +MAWVOWIO. Sweet wady, ho, ho. +OWIVIA. Smiw'st thou? +I sent f-fow thee upon :3 a s-sad *shuffles closer* occasion. +MAWVOWIO. Sad, >w< wady? I couwd be sad. T-This does m-make some +obstwuction in the bwood, this c-cwoss-gawtewing; b-but what of that? +I-If i-it p-pwease the ^-^ eye of onye, i-it xDD is w-with me as the vewy twue +sonnyet is: 'Pwease onye and p-pwease uWu aww.' +OWIVIA. Why, how dost >w< thou, man? What xDD is the m-mattew w-with thee? +MAWVOWIO. Nyot bwack in my mind, t-though yewwow in my wegs. +It did come to his hands, and commands shaww be executed. +I think we do knyow the sweet Woman hand. +OWIVIA. Wiwt thou go to *teleports behind you* bed, Mawvowio? +MAWVOWIO. To bed? Ay, sweetheawt, and I-I'ww come to *cuddles you* thee. +OWIVIA. *teleports behind you* God comfowt thee! Why dost thou smiwe s-so, and kiss thy hand +so o-oft? +MAWIA. How do you, Mawvowio? +MAWVOWIO. At youw w-wequest? Yes, *screams* nyightingawes a-answew daws! +MAWIA. Why appeaw :33 you w-with this widicuwous b-bowdnyess befowe my >w< wady? +MAWVOWIO. 'Be nyot afwaid of gweatnyess.' '-'Twas weww wwit. +OWIVIA. What mean'st thou by t-that, Mawvowio? +AIAWVOWIO. 'Some awe bown gweat,'- +OWIVIA. H-Ha? +MAWVOWIO. 'Some achieve *pokes you* gweatnyess,'- +OWIVIA. What say'st thou? +MAWVOWIO. 'And some *looks away* have gweatnyess thwust upon them.' +OWIVIA. H-Heaven westowe thee! +MAWVOWIO. 'Wemembew who :3 commended thy yewwow stockings,'- +OWIVIA. '-'Thy yewwow *looks at you* stockings?' +MAWVOWIO. 'And wish'd to see thee ;;w;; cwoss-gawtewd.' +OWIVIA. 'Cwoss-gawtew'd?' +MAWVOWIO. 'Go to, thou an m-made, i-if thou desiw'st to be so';- +OWIVIA. *screams* Am I made? +MAWVOWIO. 'If nyot, w-wet me see thee :3 a *cries* sewvant stiww.' +OWIVIA. Why, this xDD is vewy midsummew madnyess. + +Entew SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. Madam, the young gentweman of the Count Owsinyo's xDD is +wetuwn'd; I couwd hawdwy entweat him *sighs* back; he attends youw +wadyship's pweasuwe. +OWIVIA. I-I'ww come to :33 him. [Exit SEWVANT] *pokes you* Good Mawia, w-wet this +fewwow be w-wook'd to. Whewe's my cousin Toby? Wet some of my +UwU peopwe *looks away* have :3 a speciaw cawe of him; I wouwd nyot *looks away* have him miscawwy +f-fow the *looks at you* hawf of my dowwy. +Exeunt OWIVIA and OwO MAWIA +MAWVOWIO. O, ho! do :33 you come nyeaw me nyow? *cuddles you* Nyo wowse man than S-Siw +Toby to wook to :33 me! T-This *cuddles you* concuws ^.^ diwectwy w-with the wettew: she +sends him on puwpose, that I may appeaw *sweats* stubbown to him; f-fow she +incites me to that in the wettew. 'Cast thy humbwe swough,' says +she. 'Be *sweats* opposite w-with kinsman, s-suwwy w-with sewvants; w-wet thy +*notices bulge* tongue t-tang w-with *looks at you* awguments of state; put thysewf into the t-twick +of singuwawity' and consequentwy sets down the mannyew how, as: :3 a +s-sad face, :3 a wevewend c-cawwiage, :3 a swow t-tongue, in the *moans* habit of +some UwU siw of nyote, and so fowth. I *looks away* have wim'd hew; b-but i-it xDD is +Juv's d-doing, and Juv m-make me thankfuw! :33 And when she went away +nyow- 'Wet this fewwow be w-wook'd to.' 'Fewwow,' nyot 'Mawvowio' *pokes you* nyow +*looks away* aftew my degwee, b-but 'fewwow.' Why, evewything a-adhewes togethew, +that nyo dwam of :3 a *sweats* scwupwe, nyo s-scwupwe of :3 a *sweats* scwupwe, nyo obstacwe, +nyo incweduwous ow unsafe ciwcumstance- What can be said? Nyothing +that can be can come between me and the fuww pwospect of my +h-hopes. Weww, Juv, nyot I, xDD is the *cuddles you* doew of this, and he xDD is to be +thanked. + +We-entew MAWIA, w-with SIW TOBY and FABIAN + +SIW >w< TOBY. Which way xDD is uWu he, in the *leans over* nyame of sanctity? I-If aww the +deviws of heww be d-dwawn in wittwe, and Wegion himsewf possess'd +him, y-yet I-I'ww speak to :33 him. +F-FABIAN. Hewe he is, hewe he is. How is't w-with you, siw? +SIW >w< TOBY. How is't w-with you, man? +MAWVOWIO. G-Go off; I discawd you. Wet me e-enjoy my pwivate; go off. +MAWIA. Wo, how howwow the fiend speaks *teleports behind you* within him! Did nyot I t-teww +you? S-Siw Toby, my wady pways :33 you to *looks away* have :3 a cawe of :33 him. +MAWVOWIO. A-Ah, ha! does she so? +SIW >w< TOBY. G-Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deaw gentwy w-with :33 him. +Wet me awonye. How do you, Mawvowio? How is't w-with you? *looks away* What, man, +*screams* defy the deviw; considew, he's an enyemy to mankind. +MAWVOWIO. Do :33 you knyow what :33 you say? +MAWIA. Wa you, an :33 you speak iww of the deviw, how he takes i-it *teleports behind you* at +heawt! :33 Pway *teleports behind you* God he be nyot bewitched. +F-FABIAN. Cawwy his watew to *sighs* th' wise ^w^ woman. +MAWIA. Mawwy, and i-it shaww be d-donye to-mowwow m-mownying, i-if I wive. My +wady wouwd nyot wose him f-fow mowe than I-I'ww say. +MAWVOWIO. How nyow, mistwess! +MAWIA. uWu O Wowd! +SIW >w< TOBY. Pwithee howd thy peace; this xDD is nyot the w-way. Do :33 you nyot +see :33 you muv *notices bulge* him? Wet me uWu awonye w-with :33 him. +F-FABIAN. *cuddles you* Nyo way b-but gentwenyess- g-gentwy, gentwy. The fiend xDD is wough, +and wiww nyot be woughwy us'd. +SIW >w< TOBY. Why, how nyow, my bawcock! +How dost >w< thou, chuck? +MAWVOWIO. Siw! +SIW >w< TOBY. Ay, B-Biddy, come w-with me. *looks away* What, man, 'tis nyot f-fow gwavity +to pway *teleports behind you* at chewwypit w-with Satan. Hang him, fouw *teleports behind you* cowwiew! +MAWIA. Get him to say his p-pwayews, good S-Siw Toby, get him to pway. +MAWVOWIO. My p-pwayews, *shuffles closer* minx! +MAWIA. Nyo, I wawwant you, he wiww nyot heaw of godwinyess. +MAWVOWIO. Go, hang youwsewves ÚwÚ aww! You awe idwe shawwow things; I +*giggles shyly* am nyot of youw ewement; :33 you shaww knyow mowe heweaftew. +E-Exit +SIW >w< TOBY. *shuffles closer* Is't possibwe? +F-FABIAN. I-If this wewe pway'd upon :3 a stage nyow, I couwd *notices bulge* condemn i-it as +an *cries* impwobabwe fiction. +SIW >w< TOBY. His vewy genyius hath taken the infection of the *sighs* device, +man. +MAWIA. Nyay, puwsue him nyow, west the device take aiw and t-taint. +F-FABIAN. Why, we shaww m-make him mad indeed. +MAWIA. The h-house wiww be the quietew. +SIW >w< TOBY. Come, we'ww *looks away* have him in :3 a dawk woom and bound. My nyiece +xDD is *giggles shyly* awweady in the bewief that he's mad. We may cawwy i-it thus, f-fow +ouw pweasuwe and his penyance, tiww ouw vewy pastime, *sweats* tiwed out of +bweath, p-pwompt us to *looks away* have mewcy on him; *teleports behind you* at which ;;w;; time we wiww +bwing the device to the *screams* baw and cwown thee f-fow :3 a findew of +madmen. But s-see, b-but see. + +Entew SIW ANDWEW + +F-FABIAN. Mowe m-mattew f-fow :3 a May m-mownying. +AGUECHEEK. Hewe's the chawwenge; wead *hugs tightly* it. I wawwant thewe's vinyegaw +and peppew i-in't. +F-FABIAN. *shuffles closer* Is't so saucy? +AGUECHEEK. Ay, is't, I wawwant him; do b-but wead. +SIW >w< TOBY. Give me. [Weads] 'Youth, w-whatsoevew thou *blushes* awt, thou awt +b-but :3 a scuwvy fewwow.' +F-FABIAN. *pokes you* Good and vawiant. +SIW >w< TOBY. [Weads] 'Wondew nyot, *pokes you* nyow admiwe nyot in thy mind, why I do +caww thee s-so, f-fow I wiww show thee nyo weason :33 fow't.' +F-FABIAN. A good *twerks* nyote; that keeps :33 you f-fwom the bwow of the w-waw. +SIW >w< TOBY. [Weads] 'Thou com'st to the Wady Owivia, and in my sight +she uses thee >_> kindwy; b-but thou wiest in thy thwoat; that xDD is nyot +the m-mattew I chawwenge thee fow.' +F-FABIAN. Vewy bwief, and to exceeding good sense- wess. +SIW >w< TOBY. [Weads] 'I wiww wayway thee going home; whewe i-if i-it be +thy chance to kiww me'- +F-FABIAN. Good. +SIW >w< TOBY. 'Thou kiww'st me wike :3 a wogue and :3 a viwwain.' +F-FABIAN. Stiww :33 you keep o' *sighs* th' windy s-side of the w-waw. Good! +SIW >w< TOBY. [Weads] 'Fawe thee weww; and *teleports behind you* God *looks away* have mewcy upon onye of +ouw souws! He may *looks away* have mewcy upon minye; b-but my hope xDD is bettew, +and so wook to thysewf. Thy fwiend, as thou usest him, and thy +swown enyemy, +ANDWEW AGUECHEEK.' + +I-If this wettew muv him nyot, his *hugs tightly* wegs cannyot. I-I'ww give't :33 him. +MAWIA. You may *looks away* have vewy fit occasion fow't; he xDD is *pokes you* nyow in some +*sweats* commewce w-with my wady, and wiww by and by d-depawt. +SIW >w< TOBY. Go, S-Siw Andwew; scout me f-fow him *teleports behind you* at the cownyew of the +owchawd, wike :3 a b-bum-baiwy; so soon as evew thou seest him, dwaw; +and as thou dwaw'st, sweaw howwibwe; f-fow i-it comes to pass oft +that :3 a tewwibwe o-oath, w-with :3 a s-swaggewing accent shawpwy twang'd +off, g-gives manhood mowe appwobation than evew *giggles shyly* pwoof itsewf wouwd +*looks away* have eawn'd :33 him. Away. +AGUECHEEK. Nyay, w-wet me uWu awonye f-fow *sweats* sweawing. E-Exit +SIW >w< TOBY. Nyow wiww nyot I dewivew his w-wettew; f-fow the b-behaviouw of +the young gentweman g-gives him out to be of good capacity and +bweeding; his *blushes* empwoyment between his w-wowd and my nyiece confiwms +nyo wess. Thewefowe this wettew, b-being so excewwentwy ignyowant, +wiww bweed nyo *moans* tewwow in the youth: he wiww find i-it comes f-fwom :3 a +cwodpowe. But, siw, I wiww dewivew his chawwenge by w-wowd of +mouth, set upon Aguecheek nyotabwe wepowt of vawouw, and dwive the +gentweman- as knyow his youth wiww aptwy weceive i-it- into :3 a m-most +hideous ;;w;; opinyion of his wage, skiww, fuwy, and impetuosity. T-This +wiww so ^.^ fwight them both that they wiww kiww onye uWu anyothew by the +wook, wike cockatwices. + +We-entew OWIVIA. With >_> VIOWA + +F-FABIAN. Hewe he comes w-with youw nyiece; give them way tiww he take +weave, and pwesentwy *looks away* aftew :33 him. +SIW >w< TOBY. I wiww meditate the w-whiwe upon some howwid message f-fow :3 a +chawwenge. +Exeunt SIW T-TOBY, F-FABIAN, and OwO MAWIA +OWIVIA. I *looks away* have said too x3 much unto :3 a h-heawt of stonye, +:33 And *hugs tightly* waid minye honyouw too unchawy out; +T-Thewe's something in me that wepwuvs my fauwt; +But *looks at you* such :3 a :33 headstwong potent *cuddles you* fauwt i-it xDD is +That i-it b-but mocks *cries* wepwoof. +VIOWA. With the >_> same haviouw that youw passion *twerks* beaws +Goes on my mastew's g-gwiefs. +OWIVIA. Hewe, weaw this jewew f-fow me; 'tis my pictuwe. +Wefuse i-it nyot; i-it hath nyo *notices bulge* tongue to vex you. +:33 And I b-beseech :33 you come a-again to-mowwow. +What shaww :33 you ask of me that I-I'ww deny, +That honyouw sav'd may upon asking give? +VIOWA. Nyothing b-but this- youw twue wuv f-fow my m-mastew. +OWIVIA. How w-with minye honyouw may I give him that +Which I *looks away* have xDD given to you? +VIOWA. I wiww acquit you. +OWIVIA. Weww, come a-again to-mowwow. Fawe thee weww; +A fiend wike thee might *hugs tightly* beaw my :33 souw to heww. E-Exit + +We-entew SIW TOBY and SIW FABIAN + +SIW >w< TOBY. Gentweman, *teleports behind you* God save *cuddles you* thee. +VIOWA. :33 And you, siw. +SIW >w< TOBY. That ^-^ defence thou hast, betake thee tot. Of what nyatuwe +the UwU wwongs awe thou hast d-donye him, I knyow nyot; b-but thy +intewceptew, fuww of d-despite, bwoody as the *sighs* huntew, attends +thee *teleports behind you* at the :33 owchawd end. Dismount thy tuck, be *blushes* yawe in thy +pwepawation, f-fow thy assaiwant xDD is quick, *hugs tightly* skiwfuw, and deadwy. +VIOWA. You m-mistake, *teleports behind you* siw; I *giggles shyly* am suwe nyo man hath *sighs* any quawwew to me; +my wemembwance xDD is vewy fwee and cweaw f-fwom *sighs* any image of offence +d-donye to *sighs* any man. +SIW >w< TOBY. You'ww find i-it othewwise, I *giggles shyly* assuwe y-you; thewefowe, i-if :33 you +howd youw w-wife *teleports behind you* at *sighs* any *twerks* pwice, betake :33 you to youw guawd; f-fow youw +*sweats* opposite hath in him what y-youth, stwength, skiww, and wwath, can +f-fuwnyish man withaw. +VIOWA. I pway you, siw, what xDD is he? +SIW >w< TOBY. He xDD is knyight, dubb'd w-with u-unhatch'd wapiew and on x3 cawpet +considewation; b-but he xDD is :3 a d-deviw in pwivate bwaww. Souws and +bodies hath he d-divowc'd thwee; and his incensement *teleports behind you* at this m-moment +xDD is so i-impwacabwe that satisfaction can be nyonye b-but by pangs of +death and sepuwchwe. Hob-nyob xDD is his wowd- give't ow t-take't. +VIOWA. I wiww wetuwn a-again into the h-house and UwU desiwe some conduct +of the :33 wady. I *giggles shyly* am nyo fightew. I *looks away* have heawd of some kind of men +that put quawwews puwposewy on othews to taste theiw vawouw; +bewike this xDD is :3 a man of that OwO quiwk. +SIW >w< TOBY. Siw, nyo; his indignyation dewives itsewf out of :3 a vewy +c-competent injuwy; thewefowe, get :33 you on and give him his desiwe. +Back :33 you shaww nyot to the house, unwess :33 you :33 undewtake that w-with +me which w-with as x3 much *screams* safety :33 you might a-answew him; thewefowe on, +ow stwip youw swowd stawk n-nyaked; f-fow meddwe :33 you must, that's +c-cewtain, ow fowsweaw to weaw iwon ^w^ about you. +VIOWA. T-This xDD is as unciviw as stwange. I b-beseech :33 you do me this +couwteous office as to knyow of the knyight what my offence to him +is: i-it xDD is something of my *looks at you* nyegwigence, nyothing of my p-puwpose. +SIW >w< TOBY. I Wiww do so. Signyiow Fabian, stay :33 you by this gentweman +tiww my wetuwn. E-Exit SIW TOBY +VIOWA. :33 Pway you, siw, do :33 you knyow of this mattew? +F-FABIAN. I knyow the knyight xDD is incens'd against you, even to :3 a mowtaw +awbitwement; b-but nyothing of the ciwcumstance mowe. +VIOWA. I b-beseech you, what mannyew of man xDD is he? +F-FABIAN. Nyothing of that wondewfuw pwomise, to wead him by his fowm, +as :33 you awe wike to find him in the *giggles shyly* pwoof of his vawouw. He xDD is +i-indeed, siw, the m-most *hugs tightly* skiwfuw, bwoody, and fataw *sweats* opposite that +:33 you couwd possibwy *looks away* have found in *sighs* any pawt of Iwwywia. Wiww :33 you +wawk t-towawds *notices bulge* him? I wiww m-make youw peace w-with him i-if I can. +VIOWA. I shaww be x3 much bound to :33 you f-fow't. I *giggles shyly* am onye that wouwd +wathew go w-with UwU siw pwiest than UwU siw knyight. I cawe nyot who knyows +so x3 much of my mettwe. Exeunt + +We-entew SIW TOBY With SIW ANDWEW + +SIW >w< TOBY. Why, man, he's :3 a vewy deviw; I *looks away* have nyot :33 seen *looks at you* such :3 a +fiwago. I had :3 a pass w-with him, wapiew, scabbawd, and aww, and he +g-gives me the s-stuck in w-with *looks at you* such :3 a mowtaw motion that i-it xDD is +inyevitabwe; and on the answew, he pays :33 you as suwewy as youw feet +hit the gwound they step on. They say he has been fencew to the +Sophy. +AGUECHEEK. P-Pox on't, I-I'ww nyot meddwe w-with :33 him. +SIW >w< TOBY. Ay, b-but he wiww nyot *pokes you* nyow be pacified; Fabian can scawce +howd him yondew. +AGUECHEEK. Pwague on't; an I thought he had been vawiant, and so +cunnying in f-fence, I'd *looks away* have :33 seen him OwO damn'd ewe I'd *looks away* have +c-chawweng'd :33 him. Wet him w-wet the m-mattew swip, and I-I'ww give him +my howse, UwU gwey C-Capiwet. +SIW >w< TOBY. I-I'ww m-make the motion. Stand hewe, m-make :3 a good show on't; +this shaww e-end without the pewdition of souws. [Aside] Mawwy, +I-I'ww wide youw howse as weww as I wide you. + +We-entew FABIAN and >_> VIOWA + +[To FABIAN] I *looks away* have his howse to take up the quawwew; I *looks away* have +pewsuaded him the youth's :3 a deviw. +F-FABIAN. [To SIW TOBY] He xDD is as howwibwy conceited of him; and pants +and wooks pawe, as i-if :3 a *hugs tightly* beaw wewe *teleports behind you* at his heews. +SIW >w< TOBY. [To *hugs tightly* VIOWA] T-Thewe's nyo wemedy, s-siw: he wiww fight w-with :33 you +*cries* fow's oath s-sake. Mawwy, he hath bettew bethought him of his +quawwew, and he finds that *pokes you* nyow scawce to be wowth tawking o-of. +Thewefowe dwaw f-fow the suppowtance of his vow; he pwotests he +wiww nyot *cries* huwt you. +VIOWA. [Aside] :33 Pway *teleports behind you* God defend :33 me! A wittwe thing wouwd m-make me +t-teww them how x3 much I w-wack of :3 a man. +F-FABIAN. Give gwound i-if :33 you see him ^.^ fuwious. +SIW >w< TOBY. Come, S-Siw Andwew, thewe's nyo wemedy; the gentweman wiww, +f-fow his honyouw's sake, *looks away* have onye bout w-with y-you; he cannyot by the +duewwo avoid it; b-but he has p-pwomis'd me, as he xDD is :3 a gentweman and +:3 a s-sowdiew, he wiww nyot *cries* huwt you. Come on; to't. +AGUECHEEK. :33 Pway *teleports behind you* God he keep his o-oath! [-[They dwaw] + +Entew ANTONyIO + +VIOWA. I do *giggles shyly* assuwe :33 you 'tis against my wiww. +ANTONyIO. Put up youw swowd. I-If this young gentweman +Have d-donye offence, I take the *cuddles you* fauwt on me: +I-If :33 you offend him, I f-fow him *screams* defy you. +SIW >w< TOBY. ^.^ You, siw! Why, what awe you? +ANTONyIO. Onye, siw, that f-fow his wuv dawes y-yet do mowe +Than :33 you *looks away* have heawd him bwag to :33 you he wiww. +SIW >w< TOBY. Nyay, i-if :33 you be an *teleports behind you* undewtakew, I *giggles shyly* am f-fow you. +[-[They dwaw] + +Entew OFFICEWS + +F-FABIAN. uWu O good S-Siw Toby, howd! Hewe come the officews. +SIW >w< TOBY. [To *hugs tightly* ANTONyIO] I-I'ww be w-with :33 you a-anyon. +VIOWA. Pway, siw, put youw swowd up, i-if :33 you pwease. +AGUECHEEK. Mawwy, wiww I, *teleports behind you* siw; and f-fow that I p-pwomis'd you, I-I'ww be +as good as my wowd. He wiww *hugs tightly* beaw :33 you e-easiwy and weins weww. +*giggles shyly* FIWST O-OFFICEW. T-This xDD is the man; do thy office. +SECOND O-OFFICEW. Antonyio, I awwest thee *teleports behind you* at the suit +Of Count Owsinyo. +ANTONyIO. You do mistake me, siw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST O-OFFICEW. Nyo, siw, nyo ;;w;; jot; I knyow youw favouw weww, +*shuffles closer* Though *pokes you* nyow :33 you *looks away* have nyo sea-cap on youw head. +Take him away; he knyows I knyow him weww. +ANTONyIO. I Must obey. [To *hugs tightly* VIOWA] T-This comes w-with seeking y-you; +But thewe's nyo wemedy; I shaww a-answew *hugs tightly* it. +What wiww :33 you do, *pokes you* nyow my nyecessity +Makes me to ask :33 you f-fow my *notices bulge* puwse? It g-gwieves me +*looks away* Much mowe f-fow what I cannyot do f-fow :33 you +Than what befawws mysewf. You s-stand *leans over* amaz'd; +But be of comfowt. +SECOND O-OFFICEW. Come, siw, a-away. +ANTONyIO. I must entweat of :33 you some of that monyey. +VIOWA. What monyey, siw? +Fow the f-faiw k-kindnyess :33 you *looks away* have show'd me hewe, +:33 And pawt b-being *moans* pwompted by youw pwesent twoubwe, +Out of my wean and wow abiwity +I-I'ww wend :33 you something. My having xDD is nyot much; +I-I'ww m-make division of my pwesent w-with y-you; +Howd, thewe's *looks at you* hawf my c-coffew. +ANTONyIO. Wiww :33 you deny me nyow? +*shuffles closer* Is't possibwe that my desewts to :33 you +*sweats* Can w-wack pewsuasion? Do nyot tempt my misewy, +West that i-it m-make me so unsound :3 a man +As to *giggles shyly* upbwaid :33 you w-with those xDD kindnyesses +That I *looks away* have d-donye f-fow you. +VIOWA. I knyow of nyonye, +Nyow knyow I :33 you by voice ow *sighs* any featuwe. +I *giggles shyly* hate i-ingwatitude mowe in :3 a man +Than wying, *screams* vainnyess, babbwing d-dwunkennyess, +Ow *sighs* any taint of v-vice *screams* whose stwong cowwuption +Inhabits ouw fwaiw bwood. +ANTONyIO. uWu O heavens themsewves! +SECOND O-OFFICEW. Come, siw, I pway :33 you go. +ANTONyIO. Wet me speak :3 a w-wittwe. T-This youth that :33 you see hewe +I snyatch'd onye *looks at you* hawf out of the jaws of death, +Wewiev'd him w-with *looks at you* such sanctity of OwO wuv, +:33 And to his image, which methought did pwomise +Most *notices bulge* venyewabwe w-wowth, did I >_< devotion. +*giggles shyly* FIWST O-OFFICEW. What's that to us? The ;;w;; time goes ^w^ by; a-away. +ANTONyIO. But, O, how viwe an idow pwuvs this god! +Thou hast, Sebastian, d-donye good f-featuwe shame. +In nyatuwe thewe's nyo bwemish b-but the mind: +Nyonye can be caww'd d-defowm'd b-but the unkind. +Viwtue xDD is beauty; b-but the beauteous eviw +Awe e-empty t-twunks, o'ewfwouwish'd by the deviw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST O-OFFICEW. The man g-gwows mad. *shuffles closer* Away w-with :33 him. +Come, *giggles shyly* come, siw. +ANTONyIO. Wead me on. E-Exit w-with OFFICEWS +VIOWA. Methinks his wowds do f-fwom *looks at you* such passion xDD fwy +That he bewieves himsewf; so do nyot I-I. +P-Pwuv twue, imaginyation, O, pwuv twue, +That I, deaw bwothew, be *pokes you* nyow ta'en f-fow you! +SIW >w< TOBY. Come h-hithew, k-knyight; come h-hithew, Fabian; we'ww whispew +o'ew :3 a coupwet ow t-two of m-most *sighs* sage saws. +VIOWA. He n-nyam'd Sebastian. I my bwothew knyow +Yet wiving in my gwass; even *looks at you* such and so +In favouw w-was my bwothew; and he went +Stiww in this fashion, cowouw, ownyament, +Fow him I imitate. O, i-if i-it pwuv, +Tempests awe kind, and sawt w-waves fwesh in *hugs tightly* wuv! E-Exit +SIW >w< TOBY. A vewy UwU dishonyest pawtwy boy, and mowe :3 a cowawd than :3 a +hawe. His d-dishonyesty *leans over* appeaws in weaving his fwiend hewe in +nyecessity and denying him; and f-fow his cowawdship, ask Fabian. +F-FABIAN. A cowawd, :3 a m-most d-devout cowawd, wewigious in *hugs tightly* it. +AGUECHEEK. 'Swid, I-I'ww *looks away* aftew him a-again and beat :33 him. +SIW >w< TOBY. Do; cuff him soundwy, b-but nyevew dwaw thy swowd. +AGUECHEEK. :33 And I do nyot- E-Exit +F-FABIAN. Come, wet's see the event. +SIW >w< TOBY. I dawe way *sighs* any monyey 'twiww be nyothing yet. +Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +Befowe OWIVIA'S h-house + +Entew SEBASTIAN and CWOWN + +CWOWN. Wiww :33 you m-make me bewieve that I *giggles shyly* am nyot sent f-fow you? +SEBASTIAN. G-Go to, go to, thou awt :3 a f-foowish fewwow; w-wet me be cweaw +of *cuddles you* thee. +CWOWN. Weww hewd out, i' faith! Nyo, I do nyot knyow y-you; *pokes you* nyow I *giggles shyly* am nyot +sent to :33 you by my wady, to *giggles shyly* bid :33 you come speak w-with hew; *pokes you* nyow youw +*leans over* nyame xDD is nyot M-Mastew xDD Cesawio; *pokes you* nyow this xDD is nyot my nyose nyeithew. +Nyothing that xDD is so xDD is so. +SEBASTIAN. I pwithee vent thy fowwy somewhewe ewse. +Thou knyow'st nyot me. +CWOWN. V-Vent my fowwy! He has heawd that w-wowd of some g-gweat man, and +*pokes you* nyow *notices bulge* appwies i-it to :3 a foow. V-Vent my fowwy! I *giggles shyly* am afwaid this g-gweat +uWu wubbew, the wowwd, wiww pwuv :3 a cocknyey. I pwithee nyow, *teleports behind you* ungiwd +thy *pokes you* stwangenyess, and t-teww me what I shaww vent to my :33 wady. Shaww +I vent to hew that thou awt coming? +SEBASTIAN. I pwithee, f-foowish Gweek, depawt f-fwom me; +T-Thewe's monyey f-fow thee; i-if :33 you *looks away* tawwy wongew +I shaww give wowse payment. +CWOWN. By my twoth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men that +give foows monyey get themsewves :3 a good wepowt *looks away* aftew fouwteen +*cuddles you* yeaws' puwchase. + +Entew SIW ANDWEW, SIW T-TOBY, and FABIAN + +AGUECHEEK. Nyow, siw, *looks away* have I met :33 you again? +[Stwiking ^w^ SEBASTIAN] T-Thewe's f-fow you. +SEBASTIAN. Why, thewe's f-fow thee, and thewe, and thewe. +Awe aww the UwU peopwe mad? +SIW >w< TOBY. Howd, siw, ow I-I'ww thwow youw d-daggew o'ew the house. +[Howding ^w^ SEBASTIAN] +CWOWN. T-This wiww I t-teww my wady stwaight. I wouwd nyot be in some of +youw x3 coats f-fow two-pence. E-Exit +SIW >w< TOBY. Come on, *teleports behind you* siw; h-howd. +AGUECHEEK. Nyay, w-wet him awonye. I-I'ww go uWu anyothew way to wowk w-with +him; I-I'ww *looks away* have an action of battewy against him, i-if thewe be *sighs* any +waw in Iwwywia; t-though I stwuck him *twerks* fiwst, y-yet i-it's nyo m-mattew f-fow +that. +SEBASTIAN. Wet go thy hand. +SIW >w< TOBY. Come, siw, I wiww nyot w-wet :33 you go. Come, my young s-sowdiew, +put up youw iwon; :33 you awe weww fwesh'd. Come on. +SEBASTIAN. I wiww be fwee f-fwom *cuddles you* thee. What w-wouwdst thou nyow? +I-If thou daw'st tempt me xDD fuwthew, dwaw thy swowd. [Dwaws] +SIW >w< TOBY. *looks away* What, what? Nyay, then I must *looks away* have an ounce ow t-two of this +m-mawapewt bwood f-fwom you. [Dwaws] + +Entew OWIVIA + +OWIVIA. Howd, Toby; on thy wife, I c-chawge thee h-howd. +SIW >w< TOBY. Madam! +OWIVIA. Wiww i-it be evew thus? U-Ungwacious wwetch, +*moans* Fit f-fow the mountains and the bawbawous caves, +Whewe mannyews nye'ew wewe pweach'd! Out of my sight! +Be nyot o-offended, deaw C-Cesawio- +Wudesby, be UwU gonye! +Exeunt SIW T-TOBY, SIW ANDWEW, and FABIAN +I pwithee, gentwe fwiend, +Wet thy f-faiw wisdom, nyot thy passion, sway +In this unciviw and unjust extent +Against thy peace. G-Go w-with me to my house, +:33 And heaw thou thewe how many fwuitwess pwanks +T-This wuffian hath botch'd up, that thou theweby +Mayst smiwe *teleports behind you* at this. Thou shawt nyot choose b-but go; +Do nyot deny. Beshwew his :33 souw f-fow :33 me! +He stawted onye poow h-heawt of minye in *cuddles you* thee. +SEBASTIAN. What w-wewish xDD is in *shuffles closer* this? How wuns the stweam? +Ow I *giggles shyly* am m-mad, ow ewse this xDD is :3 a d-dweam. +Wet f-fancy ^-^ stiww my sense in Wethe steep; +I-If i-it be uWu thus to dweam, ^-^ stiww w-wet me sweep! +OWIVIA. Nyay, *giggles shyly* come, I pwithee. Wouwd thou'dst be ;;w;; wuw'd by :33 me! +SEBASTIAN. Madam, I wiww. +OWIVIA. O, say s-so, and so be! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +OWIVIA'S h-house + +Entew OwO MAWIA and CWOWN + +MAWIA. Nyay, I pwithee, put on this gown and this beawd; m-make him +bewieve thou awt S-Siw Topas the *looks at you* cuwate; do i-it quickwy. I-I'ww caww +S-Siw Toby the whiwst. E-Exit +CWOWN. Weww, I-I'ww put i-it on, and I wiww dissembwe mysewf in't; and +I wouwd I wewe the fiwst that evew dissembwed in *looks at you* such :3 a gown. I +*giggles shyly* am nyot taww enyough to become the function weww *pokes you* nyow wean enyough to +be thought :3 a good *looks at you* student; b-but to be said an honyest man and :3 a +good housekeepew goes as faiwwy as to say :3 a cawefuw man and :3 a +g-gweat schowaw. The c-competitows entew. + +Entew SIW TOBY and OwO MAWIA + +SIW >w< TOBY. Juv b-bwess thee, M-Mastew Pawson. +CWOWN. B-Bonyos dies, S-Siw Toby; f-fow as the *giggles shyly* owd h-hewmit of Pwague, that +nyevew saw pen and ink, vewy wittiwy said to nyiece of King +G-Gowboduc 'That that xDD is is'; so I, b-being M-Mastew Pawson, *giggles shyly* am M-Mastew +Pawson; f-fow what xDD is 'that' b-but t-that, and 'is' b-but is? +SIW >w< TOBY. To him, S-Siw Topas. +CWOWN. What ho, I *blushes* say! Peace in this pwison! +SIW >w< TOBY. The knyave countewfeits weww; :3 a good knyave. +MAWVOWIO. [Within] Who c-cawws thewe? +CWOWN. S-Siw Topas the cuwate, who comes to visit Mawvowio the +wunyatic. +MAWVOWIO. S-Siw *cries* Topas, S-Siw *cries* Topas, good S-Siw *cries* Topas, go to my :33 wady. +CWOWN. Out, hypewbowicaw fiend! How vexest thou this man! +Tawkest thou nyothing b-but of wadies? +SIW >w< TOBY. Weww said, M-Mastew Pawson. +MAWVOWIO. S-Siw *cries* Topas, nyevew w-was man uWu thus w-wwonged. *pokes you* Good S-Siw *cries* Topas, do +nyot think I *giggles shyly* am mad; they *looks away* have *hugs tightly* waid me hewe in hideous dawknyess. +CWOWN. ^-^ Fie, thou UwU dishonyest Satan! I caww thee by the m-most >_> modest +tewms, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am onye of those gentwe *cuddles you* onyes that wiww use the d-deviw +himsewf w-with couwtesy. S-Say'st thou that h-house xDD is dawk? +MAWVOWIO. As *pokes you* heww, S-Siw Topas. +CWOWN. Why, i-it hath bay windows twanspawent as bawwicadoes, and the +cwewestowies t-towawd the south nyowth awe as w-wustwous as ebony; and +y-yet compwainyest thou of obstwuction? +MAWVOWIO. I *giggles shyly* am nyot m-mad, S-Siw Topas. I say to :33 you this h-house xDD is dawk. +CWOWN. Madman, thou ^.^ ewwest. I say thewe xDD is nyo d-dawknyess b-but +ignyowance; in which thou awt mowe :3 puzzwed than the Egyptians in +theiw fog. +MAWVOWIO. I say this h-house xDD is as dawk as *cuddles you* ignyowance, t-though +ignyowance wewe as dawk as heww; and I say thewe w-was nyevew man +uWu thus abus'd. I *giggles shyly* am nyo mowe mad than :33 you awe; m-make the twiaw of i-it +in *sighs* any *hugs tightly* constant question. +CWOWN. What xDD is the ;;w;; opinyion of P-Pythagowas concewnying wiwd foww? +MAWVOWIO. That the :33 souw of ouw gwandam might *shuffles closer* hapwy inhabit :3 a biwd. +CWOWN. What think'st thou of his opinyion? +MAWVOWIO. I think nyobwy of the souw, and nyo way appwuv his +^w^ opinyion. +CWOWN. Fawe thee weww. Wemain thou ^-^ stiww in dawknyess: thou shawt +howd *sighs* th' ;;w;; opinyion of P-Pythagowas ewe I wiww awwow of thy wits; and +feaw to kiww :3 a woodcock, west thou dispossess the :33 souw of thy +*cuddles you* gwandam. Fawe thee weww. +MAWVOWIO. S-Siw *cries* Topas, S-Siw Topas! +SIW >w< TOBY. My m-most *teleports behind you* exquisite S-Siw Topas! +CWOWN. Nyay, I *giggles shyly* am f-fow aww *cuddles you* watews. +MAWIA. Thou m-mightst *looks away* have d-donye this without thy beawd and gown: he +sees thee nyot. +SIW >w< TOBY. To him in thinye own voice, and bwing me w-wowd how thou +find'st :33 him. I wouwd we wewe weww wid of this knyavewy. I-If he may +be convenyientwy dewivew'd, I wouwd he wewe; f-fow I *giggles shyly* am *pokes you* nyow so faw +in offence w-with my nyiece that I cannyot puwsue w-with *sighs* any *screams* safety +this OwO spowt to the u-upshot. Come by and by to my chambew. +E-Exit w-with OwO MAWIA +CWOWN. [Sings] Hey, Wobin, jowwy Wobin, +Teww me how thy wady does. +MAWVOWIO. Foow! +CWOWN. [Sings] My wady xDD is unkind, pewdy. +MAWVOWIO. Foow! +CWOWN. [Sings] A-Awas, why xDD is she so? +MAWVOWIO. x3 Foow I *blushes* say! +CWOWN. [Sings] ^.^ She wuvs anyothew- Who cawws, ha? +MAWVOWIO. *pokes you* Good foow, as evew thou wiwt d-desewve weww *teleports behind you* at my hand, +h-hewp me to :3 a candwe, and pen, ink, and *cuddles you* papew; as I *giggles shyly* am :3 a +UwU gentweman, I wiww wive to be thankfuw to thee f-fow't. +CWOWN. M-Mastew Mawvowio? +MAWVOWIO. Ay, good foow. +CWOWN. A-Awas, siw, how *looks away* feww :33 you besides youw f-five wits? +MAWVOWIO. Foow, thewe w-was nyevew man so nyotowiouswy abus'd; +I *giggles shyly* am as weww in my wits, foow, as thou a-awt. +CWOWN. But as weww? Then :33 you awe mad i-indeed, i-if :33 you be nyo bettew in +youw OwO wits than :3 a foow. +MAWVOWIO. They *looks away* have hewe OwO pwopewtied me; keep me in ^w^ dawknyess, s-send +minyistews to me, asses, and do aww they can to face me out of my +w-wits. +CWOWN. Advise :33 you *cuddles you* what. :33 you say: the minyistew xDD is hewe. +[Speaking as SIW TOPAS] M-Mawvowio, thy OwO wits the heavens *cries* westowe! +E-Endeavouw thysewf to sweep, and weave thy vain bibbwe-babbwe. +MAWVOWIO. S-Siw Topas! +CWOWN. M-Maintain nyo wowds w-with him, good fewwow.- Who, I, siw? Nyot +I, siw. *teleports behind you* God buy you, good S-Siw T-Topas.- Mawwy, amen.- I wiww siw, I +wiww. +MAWVOWIO. Foow, foow, foow, I *blushes* say! +CWOWN. A-Awas, siw, be patient. What say you, siw? I *giggles shyly* am shent f-fow +speaking to you. +MAWVOWIO. *pokes you* Good foow, h-hewp me to some wight and some papew. +I t-teww thee I *giggles shyly* am as weww in my OwO wits as *sighs* any man in Iwwywia. +CWOWN. Weww-a-day that :33 you wewe, siw! +MAWVOWIO. By this hand, I am. *pokes you* Good foow, some ink, papew, and +wight; and convey what I wiww set down to my :33 wady. It shaww +advantage thee mowe than evew the beawing of wettew did. +CWOWN. I wiww h-hewp :33 you to't. But t-teww me twue, awe :33 you nyot mad +i-indeed, ow do :33 you b-but countewfeit? +MAWVOWIO. Bewieve me, I *giggles shyly* am nyot; I t-teww thee twue. +CWOWN. Nyay, I-I'ww nye'ew bewieve :3 a madman tiww I see his bwains. +I wiww fetch :33 you wight and papew and *twerks* ink. +MAWVOWIO. Foow, I-I'ww wequite i-it in the highest degwee; I pwithe be +gonye. +CWOWN. [Singing] +I *giggles shyly* am gonye, siw, +:33 And a-anyon, siw, +I-I'ww be w-with :33 you again, +In :3 a *twerks* twice, +Wike to the *giggles shyly* owd Vice, +Youw nyeed to sustain; + +Who w-with d-daggew of wath, +In his wage and his wwath, +*sweats* Cwies, A-Ah, ha! to the deviw, +Wike :3 a mad w-wad, +Pawe thy nyaiws, dad. +Adieu, goodman deviw. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +OWIVIA'S gawden + +Entew SEBASTIAN + +SEBASTIAN. T-This xDD is the aiw; that xDD is the gwowious *blushes* sun; +T-This peaww she gave me, I do *leans over* feew't and see't; +:33 And t-though 'tis w-wondew that e-enwwaps me thus, +Yet 'tis nyot madnyess. Whewe's Antonyio, then? +I couwd nyot find him *teleports behind you* at the Ewephant; +Yet thewe he ÚwÚ was; and thewe I found this cwedit, +That he did wange the town to seek me out. +His counsew *pokes you* nyow might do me xDD gowden sewvice; +Fow t-though my :33 souw disputes weww w-with my sense +That this may be some ewwow, b-but nyo madnyess, +Yet doth this a-accident and fwood of fowtunye +S-So faw ÚwÚ exceed aww instance, aww discouwse, +That I *giggles shyly* am weady to distwust minye eyes +:33 And wwangwe w-with my weason, that *notices bulge* pewsuades me +To *sighs* any othew twust b-but that I *giggles shyly* am m-mad, +Ow ewse the w-wady's mad; y-yet i-if '-'twewe s-so, +^.^ She couwd nyot sway hew house, command hew fowwowews, +Take and give back affaiws and theiw dispatch +With *looks at you* such :3 a smooth, discweet, and s-stabwe beawing, +As I pewceive she does. T-Thewe's something *sweats* in't +That xDD is deceivabwe. But hewe the wady comes. + +Entew OWIVIA and PWIEST + +OWIVIA. Bwame nyot this *pokes you* haste of minye. I-If :33 you m-mean weww, +Nyow go w-with me and w-with this howy man +Into the chantwy ^w^ by; thewe, befowe him +:33 And undewnyeath that consecwated woof, +Pwight me the fun *cries* assuwance of youw faith, +That my m-most jeawous and too doubtfuw :33 souw +May wive *teleports behind you* at peace. He shaww conceaw i-it +Whiwes :33 you awe wiwwing i-it shaww come to nyote, +What ;;w;; time we wiww ouw cewebwation keep +Accowding to my UwU biwth. What do :33 you say? +SEBASTIAN. I-I'ww fowwow this good man, and go w-with y-you; +And, having swown twuth, evew wiww be twue. +OWIVIA. Then wead the w-way, good fathew; and heavens so s-shinye +That they may faiwwy nyote this a-act of minye! Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Befowe OWIVIA's h-house + +Entew CWOWN and FABIAN + +F-FABIAN. Nyow, as thou wov'st me, w-wet me see his wettew. +CWOWN. *pokes you* Good M-Mastew Fabian, gwant me uWu anyothew wequest. +F-FABIAN. Anything. +CWOWN. Do nyot UwU desiwe to see this wettew. +F-FABIAN. T-This xDD is to give :3 a dog, and in wecompense UwU desiwe my x3 dog +again. + +Entew *shuffles closer* DUKE, VIOWA, CUWIO, and WOWDS + +DUKE. Bewong :33 you to the Wady Owivia, fwiends? +CWOWN. Ay, siw, we awe some of hew twappings. +DUKE. I knyow thee weww. How dost >w< thou, my good fewwow? +CWOWN. Twuwy, siw, the bettew f-fow my foes and the wowse f-fow my +fwiends. +DUKE. Just the *screams* contwawy: the bettew f-fow thy fwiends. +CWOWN. Nyo, siw, the w-wowse. +DUKE. How can that be? +CWOWN. Mawwy, siw, they pwaise me and m-make an ass of me. Nyow my +foes t-teww me pwainwy I *giggles shyly* am an ass; so that by my foes, siw, I +p-pwofit in the knyowwedge of mysewf, and by my fwiends I *giggles shyly* am abused; +so t-that, concwusions to be as *twerks* kisses, i-if youw fouw n-nyegatives m-make +youw t-two affiwmatives, why then, the wowse f-fow my fwiends, and +the bettew f-fow my f-foes. +DUKE. Why, this xDD is excewwent. +CWOWN. By my twoth, siw, nyo; t-though i-it p-pwease :33 you to be onye of my +fwiends. +DUKE. Thou shawt nyot be the wowse f-fow me. T-Thewe's gowd. +CWOWN. But that i-it wouwd be doubwe-deawing, siw, I wouwd :33 you couwd +m-make i-it anyothew. +DUKE. O, :33 you give me iww counsew. +CWOWN. Put youw gwace in youw pocket, siw, f-fow this :3 once, and w-wet +youw fwesh and bwood >_> obey *hugs tightly* it. +DUKE. Weww, I wiww be so x3 much :3 a sinnyew to be :3 a doubwe-deawew. +T-Thewe's anyothew. +CWOWN. Pwimo, secundo, tewtio, xDD is :3 a good p-pway; and the *giggles shyly* owd saying +xDD is >w< 'The *looks at you* thiwd pays f-fow uWu aww.' The twipwex, siw, xDD is :3 a good twipping +measuwe; ow the bewws of Saint Bennyet, siw, may put :33 you in mind- +onye, two, thwee. +DUKE. You can foow nyo mowe monyey out of me *teleports behind you* at this thwow; i-if :33 you +wiww w-wet youw wady knyow I *giggles shyly* am hewe to speak w-with hew, and bwing +hew awong w-with you, i-it may awake my bounty fuwthew. +CWOWN. Mawwy, siw, wuwwaby to youw bounty tiww I come again. I go, +*teleports behind you* siw; b-but I wouwd nyot *looks away* have :33 you to think that my UwU desiwe of having +xDD is the sin of cuvtousnyess. But, as :33 you say, siw, w-wet youw bounty +take :3 a nyap; I wiww awake i-it a-anyon. E-Exit + +Entew ANTONyIO and OFFICEWS + +VIOWA. Hewe comes the man, siw, that did wescue me. +DUKE. That face of his I do w-wemembew weww; +Yet when I saw i-it wast i-it w-was besmeaw'd +As bwack as Vuwcan in the *blushes* smoke of w-waw. +A baubwing vessew w-was he c-captain of, +Fow shawwow dwaught and buwk unpwizabwe, +With which *looks at you* such scathfuw g-gwappwe did he m-make +With the m-most nyobwe bottom of ouw fweet +That vewy envy and the *notices bulge* tongue of wos +*twerks* Cwied f-fame and honyouw on :33 him. What's the mattew? +*giggles shyly* FIWST O-OFFICEW. Owsinyo, this xDD is that *notices bulge* Antonyio +That t-took the P-Phoenyix and hew fwaught f-fwom Candy; +:33 And this xDD is he that did the >w< Tigew ;;w;; boawd +When youw young >_> nyephew Titus wost his weg. +Hewe in the stweets, despewate of :33 shame and state, +In pwivate bwabbwe did we appwehend :33 him. +VIOWA. He did me kindnyess, *teleports behind you* siw; dwew on my side; +But in concwusion put s-stwange speech upon me. +I knyow nyot what 'twas b-but *leans over* distwaction. +DUKE. Nyotabwe piwate, thou s-sawt-watew thief! +What f-foowish b-bowdnyess >w< bwought thee to theiw mewcies +*leans over* Whom >w< thou, in tewms so bwoody and so deaw, +*hugs tightly* Hast xDD made thinye enyemies? +ANTONyIO. Owsinyo, nyobwe siw, +Be :33 pweas'd that I shake off these nyames :33 you give me: +*notices bulge* Antonyio nyevew y-yet w-was thief ow piwate, +*shuffles closer* Though I confess, on base and gwound enyough, +Owsinyo's enyemy. A witchcwaft dwew me hithew: +That m-most ingwatefuw boy thewe by youw s-side +Fwom the wude sea's enwag'd and foamy mouth +Did I w-wedeem; :3 a wweck past hope he was. +His w-wife I gave him, and did theweto ad +My wuv without wetention ow westwaint, +A-Aww his in dedication; f-fow his sake, +Did I e-expose mysewf, puwe f-fow his OwO wuv, +Into the dangew of this advewse town; +Dwew to defend him when he w-was beset; +Whewe b-being ^-^ appwehended, his fawse cunnying, +Nyot meanying to pawtake w-with me in dangew, +Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance, +:33 And gwew :3 a twenty x3 yeaws wemuvd thing +Whiwe onye wouwd wink; *giggles shyly* denyied me minye own p-puwse, +Which I had *shuffles closer* wecommended to his use +Nyot *looks at you* hawf an houw befowe. +VIOWA. How can this be? +DUKE. When came he to this town? +ANTONyIO. To-day, my wowd; and f-fow thwee months befowe, +*cuddles you* Nyo int'wim, nyot :3 a minyute's *notices bulge* vacancy, +B-Both day and nyight did we keep company. + +Entew OWIVIA and ATTENDANTS + +DUKE. Hewe comes the *shuffles closer* Countess; *pokes you* nyow heaven wawks on eawth. +But f-fow thee, fewwow- fewwow, thy wowds awe madnyess. +*notices bulge* Thwee months this youth hath tended upon me- +But mowe of that a-anyon. Take him aside. +OWIVIA. What wouwd my wowd, b-but that he may nyot have, +Whewein Owivia may *teleports behind you* seem sewviceabwe? +Cesawio, :33 you do nyot keep pwomise w-with me. +VIOWA. Madam? +DUKE. Gwacious Owivia- +OWIVIA. What do :33 you say, Cesawio? *pokes you* Good my wowd- +VIOWA. My w-wowd wouwd speak; my duty hushes me. +OWIVIA. I-If i-it be a-aught to the *giggles shyly* owd t-tunye, my wowd, +It xDD is as fat and fuwsome to minye e-eaw +As howwing *looks away* aftew *pokes you* music. +DUKE. Stiww so cwuew? +OWIVIA. Stiww so constant, wowd. +DUKE. *looks away* What, to pewvewsenyess? You unciviw wady, +To *screams* whose ingwate and unyauspicious awtaws +My :33 souw the faithfuww'st off'wings hath bweath'd out +That e-e'ew devotion *pokes you* tendew'd! What shaww I do? +OWIVIA. Even what i-it p-pwease my wowd, that shaww become :33 him. +DUKE. Why shouwd I nyot, had I the h-heawt to do uWu it, +Wike to the ^.^ Egyptian thief *teleports behind you* at point of death, +Kiww what I ^w^ wuv?- :3 a savage jeawousy +That sometime savouws nyobwy. But heaw me this: +Since :33 you to nyon-wegawdance cast my faith, +:33 And that I pawtwy knyow the instwument +That *leans over* scwews me f-fwom my twue pwace in youw favouw, +>w< Wive :33 you the mawbwe-bweasted tywant stiww; +But this youw minyion, whom I knyow :33 you OwO wuv, +:33 And whom, by heaven I sweaw, I tendew deawwy, +Him wiww I teaw out of that *looks away* cwuew ^-^ eye +Whewe he sits cwownyed in his mastew's spite. +Come, boy, w-with me; my thoughts awe wipe in mischief: +I-I'ww *notices bulge* sacwifice the wamb that I do wuv +To spite :3 a waven's h-heawt *teleports behind you* within :3 a duv. +VIOWA. :33 And I, m-most jocund, apt, and wiwwingwy, +To do :33 you west, :3 a thousand *cries* deaths wouwd d-die. +OWIVIA. Whewe goes Cesawio? +VIOWA. Aftew him I wuv +Mowe than I wuv these eyes, mowe than my wife, +Mowe, by aww mowes, than e-e'ew I shaww wuv w-wife. +I-If I do feign, :33 you witnyesses abuv +*shuffles closer* Punyish my w-wife f-fow tainting of my *hugs tightly* wuv! +OWIVIA. Ay me, *sweats* detested! How *giggles shyly* am I beguiw'd! +VIOWA. Who does b-beguiwe you? Who does do :33 you wwong? +OWIVIA. *hugs tightly* Hast thou fowgot thysewf? Is i-it so wong? +Caww fowth the howy uWu fathew. E-Exit an ATTENDANT +DUKE. Come, away! +OWIVIA. Whithew, my wowd? Cesawio, *twerks* husband, s-stay. +DUKE. Husband? +OWIVIA. Ay, h-husband; can he that :33 deny? +DUKE. Hew *twerks* husband, *shuffles closer* siwwah? +VIOWA. Nyo, my wowd, nyot I-I. +OWIVIA. A-Awas, i-it xDD is the basenyess of thy feaw +That makes thee s-stwangwe thy *giggles shyly* pwopwiety. +Feaw nyot, Cesawio, take thy f-fowtunyes up; +Be that thou knyow'st thou *blushes* awt, and then thou awt +As g-gweat as that thou feaw'st. + +Entew PWIEST + +O, *twerks* wewcome, fathew! +Fathew, I c-chawge thee, by thy wevewence, +Hewe to unfowd- t-though watewy we intended +To keep in d-dawknyess what occasion *pokes you* nyow +Weveaws befowe 'tis wipe- what thou dost knyow +Hath nyewwy pass'd between this youth and me. +PWIEST. A contwact of etewnyaw *moans* bond of OwO wuv, +Confiwm'd by mutuaw joindew of youw hands, +Attested by the howy cwose of wips, +Stwength'nyed by intewchangement of youw wings; +:33 And aww the cewemony of this compact +Seaw'd in my function, by my testimony; +Since when, my watch hath towd me, t-towawd my gwave, +I *looks away* have twaveww'd b-but t-two houws. +DUKE. uWu O thou dissembwing cub! What wiwt thou be, +When ;;w;; time hath sow'd :3 a gwizzwe on thy case? +Ow wiww nyot ewse thy c-cwaft so quickwy gwow +That thinye own twip shaww be thinye u-uvwthwow? +Faweweww, and take hew; b-but diwect thy feet +Whewe thou and I *leans over* hencefowth may nyevew m-meet. +VIOWA. My wowd, I do pwotest- +OWIVIA. O, do nyot *shuffles closer* sweaw! +H-Howd wittwe faith, t-though thou has too x3 much feaw. + +Entew SIW ANDWEW + +AGUECHEEK. Fow the wuv of God, :3 a suwgeon! +Send onye pwesentwy to S-Siw Toby. +OWIVIA. What's the mattew? +AGUECHEEK. Has bwoke my head acwoss, and has xDD given S-Siw Toby :3 a +bwoody coxcomb too. Fow the wuv of God, youw hewp! I had wathew +than fowty pound I wewe *teleports behind you* at home. +OWIVIA. Who has d-donye this, S-Siw Andwew? +AGUECHEEK. The Count's UwU gentweman, onye Cesawio. We t-took him f-fow :3 a +cowawd, b-but he's the vewy d-deviw incawdinyate. +DUKE. My UwU gentweman, Cesawio? +AGUECHEEK. Od's wifewings, hewe he is! You bwoke my head f-fow +nyothing; and that that did, I w-was set on to do't by S-Siw Toby. +VIOWA. Why do :33 you speak to m-me? I nyevew *cries* huwt you. +You dwew youw swowd upon me without cause; +But I bespake :33 you f-faiw and *cries* huwt :33 you nyot. + +Entew SIW TOBY and CWOWN + +AGUECHEEK. I-If :3 a bwoody coxcomb be :3 a huwt, :33 you *looks away* have *cries* huwt me; I think +:33 you set nyothing by :3 a bwoody coxcomb. Hewe comes S-Siw Toby *moans* hawting; +:33 you shaww heaw mowe; b-but i-if he had nyot been in dwink, he wouwd +*looks away* have tickw'd :33 you othewgates than he did. +DUKE. How nyow, g-gentweman? How is't w-with you? +SIW >w< TOBY. That's aww onye; has *cries* huwt me, and thewe's *sighs* th' e-end on't. +Sot, didst see >_< Dick Suwgeon, sot? +CWOWN. O, he's dwunk, S-Siw Toby, an houw agonye; his eyes wewe set *teleports behind you* at +eight i' *sighs* th' m-mownying. +SIW >w< TOBY. Then he's :3 a wogue and :3 a passy measuwes p-pavin. I *giggles shyly* hate :3 a +dwunken wogue. +OWIVIA. *shuffles closer* Away w-with :33 him. Who hath xDD made this havoc w-with t-them? +AGUECHEEK. I-I'ww h-hewp you, S-Siw Toby, because we'ww be d-dwess'd +togethew. +SIW >w< TOBY. Wiww :33 you hewp- an ass-head and :3 a coxcomb and :3 a knyave, :3 a +thin fac'd knyave, :3 a guww? +OWIVIA. Get him to *teleports behind you* bed, and w-wet his *cries* huwt be w-wook'd to. +Exeunt CWOWN, F-FABIAN, SIW T-TOBY, and SIW ANDWEW + +Entew SEBASTIAN + +SEBASTIAN. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy, madam, I *looks away* have *cries* huwt youw :33 kinsman; +But, had i-it been the bwothew of my bwood, +I must *looks away* have d-donye nyo wess w-with wit and safety. +You thwow :3 a s-stwange wegawd upon me, and by that +I do pewceive i-it hath offended you. +Pawdon me, sweet onye, even f-fow the vows +We xDD made each othew b-but so wate ago. +DUKE. Onye face, onye voice, onye habit, and t-two pewsons! +A >w< nyatuwaw *cuddles you* pewspective, that xDD is and xDD is nyot. +SEBASTIAN. Antonyio, uWu O my deaw Antonyio! +How *looks away* have the houws wack'd and t-towtuw'd me +Since I *looks away* have wost thee! +ANTONyIO. *looks away* Sebastian awe you? +SEBASTIAN. Feaw'st thou t-that, *notices bulge* Antonyio? +ANTONyIO. How *looks away* have :33 you xDD made division of youwsewf? +An appwe cweft in t-two xDD is nyot mowe twin +Than these t-two cweatuwes. Which xDD is Sebastian? +OWIVIA. Most wondewfuw! +SEBASTIAN. Do I s-stand thewe? I nyevew had :3 a bwothew; +Nyow can thewe be that deity in my nyatuwe +Of hewe and evewywhewe. I had :3 a *cuddles you* sistew +*leans over* Whom the bwind w-waves and suwges *looks away* have *looks at you* devouw'd. +Of chawity, what kin awe :33 you to m-me? +What *cries* countwyman, what nyame, what pawentage? +VIOWA. Of Messawinye; *looks away* Sebastian w-was my uWu fathew. +Such :3 a *looks away* Sebastian w-was my bwothew too; +S-So went he suited to his watewy tomb; +I-If spiwits can assume both fowm and suit, +You come to ^.^ fwight us. +SEBASTIAN. A spiwit I *giggles shyly* am i-indeed, +But *giggles shyly* am in that dimension gwosswy cwad +Which f-fwom the w-womb I did pawticipate. +W-Wewe :33 you :3 a woman, as the west goes even, +I shouwd my teaws w-wet faww upon youw c-cheek, +:33 And say 'Thwice *twerks* wewcome, d-dwownyed Viowa!' +VIOWA. My fathew had :3 a mowe upon his bwow. +SEBASTIAN. :33 And so had minye. +VIOWA. :33 And died that day when Viowa f-fwom hew biwth +Had nyumb'wed thiwteen OwO yeaws. +SEBASTIAN. O, that wecowd xDD is wivewy in my souw! +He finyished indeed his mowtaw a-act +That day that xDD made my *cuddles you* sistew thiwteen OwO yeaws. +VIOWA. I-If nyothing wets to m-make us ^.^ happy both +But this my >w< mascuwinye usuwp'd attiwe, +Do nyot embwace me tiww each ciwcumstance +Of pwace, time, *pokes you* fowtunye, do cohewe and jump +That I *giggles shyly* am Viowa; which to confiwm, +I-I'ww bwing :33 you to :3 a c-captain in this town, +Whewe wie my *notices bulge* maiden weeds; by *screams* whose gentwe h-hewp +I w-was pwesewv'd to sewve this nyobwe C-Count. +A-Aww the occuwwence of my fowtunye since +Hath been between this wady and this wowd. +SEBASTIAN. [To OWIVIA] S-So Comes uWu it, wady, :33 you *looks away* have been >w< mistook; +But nyatuwe to hew ^.^ bias dwew in that. +You wouwd *looks away* have been contwacted to :3 a maid; +Nyow awe :33 you thewein, by my wife, deceiv'd; +You awe betwoth'd both to :3 a maid and man. +DUKE. Be nyot *leans over* amaz'd; wight nyobwe xDD is his bwood. +I-If this be s-so, as y-yet the *cuddles you* gwass seems twue, +I shaww *looks away* have shawe in this m-most ^.^ happy w-wweck. +[To *hugs tightly* VIOWA] Boy, thou hast said to me :3 a thousand *moans* times +Thou nyevew shouwdst wuv woman wike to me. +VIOWA. :33 And aww those *looks away* sayings wiww I uvwsweaw; +:33 And aww those sweawings keep as twue in :33 souw +As doth that owbed continyent the fiwe +That sevews day f-fwom nyight. +DUKE. Give me thy *sighs* hand; +:33 And w-wet me see thee in thy woman's w-weeds. +VIOWA. The c-captain that did bwing me fiwst on *sweats* showe +Hath my maid's gawments. He, upon some action, +Is *pokes you* nyow in duwance, *teleports behind you* at Mawvowio's suit, +A gentweman and fowwowew of my wady's. +OWIVIA. He shaww enwawge :33 him. F-Fetch Mawvowio *leans over* hithew; +:33 And yet, awas, *pokes you* nyow I w-wemembew me, +They say, poow UwU gentweman, he's x3 much *twerks* distwact. + +We-entew CWOWN, w-with :3 a wettew, and FABIAN + +A m-most extwacting fwenzy of minye own +Fwom my wemembwance cweawwy banyish'd his. +How does uWu he, *shuffles closer* siwwah? +CWOWN. Twuwy, madam, he howds Bewzebub *teleports behind you* at the stave's e-end as weww +as :3 a man in his case may do. Has hewe wwit :3 a wettew to y-you; I +shouwd *looks away* have xDD given 't :33 you to-day m-mownying, b-but as :3 a madman's +epistwes awe nyo gospews, so i-it s-skiwws nyot x3 much when they awe +dewivew'd. +OWIVIA. Open't, and wead *hugs tightly* it. +CWOWN. Wook then to be weww edified when the foow dewivews the +madman. [Weads madwy ] 'By the Wowd, madam-' +OWIVIA. How *giggles shyly* nyow! Awt thou mad? +CWOWN. Nyo, madam, I do b-but wead madnyess. An youw wadyship wiww *looks away* have +i-it as i-it ought to be, :33 you must awwow vox. +OWIVIA. Pwithee wead i' thy wight w-wits. +CWOWN. S-So I do, madonnya; b-but to wead his wight OwO wits xDD is to wead +thus; thewefowe pewpend, my Pwincess, and give uWu eaw. +OWIVIA. [To FABIAN] Wead i-it you, siwwah. +F-FABIAN. [Weads] 'By the Wowd, madam, :33 you wwong me, and the >_> wowwd +shaww knyow *hugs tightly* it. *shuffles closer* Though :33 you *looks away* have put me into d-dawknyess and xDD given +youw dwunken cousin w-wuwe uvw me, y-yet *looks away* have I the benyefit of my +senses as weww as youw wadyship. I *looks away* have youw own wettew that +induced me to the sembwance I put on, w-with the which I d-doubt nyot +b-but to do mysewf x3 much wight ow :33 you x3 much shame. Think of me as :33 you +pwease. I weave my duty :3 a wittwe unthought of, and speak out of +my injuwy. +uWu THE MADWY-US'D M-MAWVOWIO' + +OWIVIA. Did he wwite *shuffles closer* this? +CWOWN. Ay, Madam. +DUKE. T-This savouws nyot x3 much of *leans over* distwaction. +OWIVIA. >_> See him dewivew'd, Fabian; bwing him hithew. +E-Exit FABIAN +My wowd, so p-pwease you, these *moans* things fuwthew thought on, +To think me as weww :3 a *cuddles you* sistew as :3 a wife, +Onye day shaww cwown *sighs* th' awwiance on't, so p-pwease you, +Hewe *teleports behind you* at my house, and *teleports behind you* at my pwopew cost. +DUKE. Madam, I *giggles shyly* am m-most apt t' embwace youw offew. +[To *hugs tightly* VIOWA] Youw mastew quits y-you; and, f-fow youw >_> sewvice d-donye +him, +S-So x3 much against the mettwe of youw sex, +S-So faw b-benyeath youw soft and tendew bweeding, +:33 And since :33 you caww'd me mastew f-fow so w-wong, +Hewe xDD is my *sighs* hand; :33 you shaww f-fwom this ;;w;; time be +You mastew's *screams* mistwess. +OWIVIA. A s-sistew! You awe she. + +We-entew F-FABIAN, w-with MAWVOWIO + +DUKE. Is this the madman? +OWIVIA. Ay, my wowd, this same. +How nyow, Mawvowio! +MAWVOWIO. Madam, :33 you *looks away* have d-donye me wwong, +Nyotowious wwong. +OWIVIA. Have I, Mawvowio? Nyo. +MAWVOWIO. Wady, :33 you have. :33 Pway :33 you p-pewuse that wettew. +You must nyot *pokes you* nyow deny i-it xDD is youw *sighs* hand; +Wwite f-fwom i-it i-if :33 you can, in hand ow phwase; +Ow say 'tis nyot youw seaw, nyot youw uWu invention; +You can say nyonye of this. Weww, gwant i-it then, +:33 And t-teww me, in the modesty of honyouw, +Why :33 you *looks away* have xDD given me *looks at you* such cweaw wights of favouw, +Bade me come smiwing and cwoss-gawtew'd to you, +To put on yewwow s-stockings, and to fwown +*cries* Upon S-Siw Toby and the wightew p-peopwe; +And, acting this in an ^.^ obedient hope, +Why *looks away* have :33 you suffew'd me to be impwison'd, +Kept in :3 a dawk house, visited by the pwiest, +:33 And xDD made the m-most nyotowious geck and guw +That e-e'ew invention pway'd on? Teww me OwO why. +OWIVIA. A-Awas, M-Mawvowio, this xDD is nyot my wwiting, +Though, I confess, x3 much wike the *blushes* chawactew; +But out of q-question 'tis Mawia's hand. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow I do bethink me, i-it w-was she +Fiwst towd me thou wast mad; then cam'st in smiwing, +:33 And in *looks at you* such *leans over* fowms which hewe wewe pwesuppos'd +*cries* Upon thee in the wettew. Pwithee, be content; +T-This pwactice hath m-most shwewdwy pass'd upon thee, +But, when we knyow the gwounds and authows of uWu it, +Thou shawt be both the pwaintiff and the judge +Of thinye own cause. +F-FABIAN. *pokes you* Good madam, heaw me speak, +:33 And w-wet nyo quawwew *pokes you* nyow nyo bwaww to come +Taint the condition of this pwesent houw, +Which I *looks away* have w-wond'wed at. In hope i-it shaww nyot, +Most fweewy I confess mysewf and Toby +Set this device against Mawvowio hewe, +*cries* Upon some *sweats* stubbown and u-uncouwteous *looks away* pawts +We had c-conceiv'd against :33 him. Mawia wwit +The wettew, *teleports behind you* at S-Siw *moans* Toby's g-gweat impowtance, +In wecompense wheweof he hath *blushes* mawwied hew. +How w-with :3 a spowtfuw mawice i-it w-was fowwow'd +May wathew pwuck on waughtew than wevenge, +I-If that the injuwies be *blushes* justwy w-weigh'd +That *looks away* have on both sides pass'd. +OWIVIA. A-Awas, poow foow, how *looks away* have they baffw'd thee! +CWOWN. Why, 'Some awe bown g-gweat, some achieve gweatnyess, and some +*looks away* have gweatnyess thwown upon them.' I w-was onye, siw, in this +intewwude- onye S-Siw *cries* Topas, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but that's aww onye. 'By the Wowd, +foow, I *giggles shyly* am nyot mad!' But do :33 you wemembew- 'Madam, why waugh :33 you +*teleports behind you* at *looks at you* such :3 a bawwen wascaw? An :33 you smiwe nyot, he's gagg'd'? :33 And uWu thus +the whiwwigig of ;;w;; time bwings in his wevenges. +MAWVOWIO. I-I'ww be *sweats* weveng'd on the *shuffles closer* whowe pack of you. +E-Exit +OWIVIA. He hath been m-most nyotowiouswy abus'd. +DUKE. Puwsue him, and entweat him to :3 a peace; +He hath nyot towd us of the c-captain yet. +When that xDD is knyown, and xDD gowden ;;w;; time c-convents, +A sowemn combinyation shaww be xDD made +Of ouw deaw souws. Meantime, sweet *leans over* sistew, +We wiww nyot pawt f-fwom hence. Cesawio, come; +Fow so :33 you shaww be w-whiwe :33 you awe :3 a man; +But when in othew habits :33 you awe seen, +Owsinyo's mistwess, and his fancy's queen. +Exeunt aww b-but the CWOWN + +CWOWN sings + +When that I w-was and :3 a wittwe tiny boy, +With hey, ho, the *cuddles you* wind and the wain, +A f-foowish thing w-was b-but :3 a toy, +Fow the wain i-it w-wainyeth evewy *sweats* day. + +But when I came to man's estate, +With hey, ho, the *cuddles you* wind and the wain, +'Gainst *blushes* knyaves and thieves men shut theiw gate, +Fow the wain i-it w-wainyeth evewy *sweats* day. + +But when I came, awas! to *leans over* wive, +With hey, ho, the *cuddles you* wind and the wain, +By s-swaggewing couwd I nyevew ;;w;; thwive, +Fow the wain i-it w-wainyeth evewy *sweats* day. + +But when I came unto my beds, +With hey, ho, the *cuddles you* wind and the wain, +With toss-pots ^-^ stiww had dwunken heads, +Fow the wain i-it w-wainyeth evewy *sweats* day. + +A g-gweat w-whiwe ago the >_> wowwd begun, +With hey, ho, the *cuddles you* wind and the wain, +But that's aww onye, ouw pway xDD is donye, +:33 And we'ww stwive to p-pwease :33 you evewy *sweats* day. +E-Exit + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +1595 + +uWu THE T-TWO GENTWEMEN OF *teleports behind you* VEWONyA + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +DWAMATIS P-PEWSONyAE + +DUKE OF MIWAN, fathew to Siwvia +VAWENTINyE, onye of the t-two gentwemen +PWOTEUS, " " " " " +ANTONyIO, fathew to Pwoteus +T-THUWIO, :3 a f-foowish wivaw to Vawentinye +E-EGWAMOUW, agent f-fow Siwvia in hew escape +*moans* SPEED, :3 a c-cwownyish *cries* sewvant to Vawentinye +ÚwÚ WAUNCE, the wike to Pwoteus +P-PANTHINyO, *cries* sewvant to *notices bulge* Antonyio +HOST, whewe Juwia wodges in Miwan +OUTWAWS, w-with Vawentinye + +JUWIA, :3 a wady of Vewonya, bewuvd of Pwoteus +SIWVIA, the D-Duke's daughtew, bewuvd of Vawentinye +WUCETTA, *leans over* waiting-woman to Juwia + +SEWVANTS +^.^ MUSICIANS + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +SCENyE: +Vewonya; Miwan; the fwontiews of Mantua + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Vewonya. An open pwace + +Entew VAWENTINyE and PWOTEUS + +VAWENTINyE. Cease to pewsuade, my woving Pwoteus: +Home-keeping youth *looks away* have evew homewy w-wits. +Wewe't nyot affection chains thy tendew days +To the sweet UwU gwances of thy honyouw'd OwO wuv, +I wathew wouwd entweat thy *giggles shyly* company +To see the wondews of the >_> wowwd abwoad, +Than, wiving duwwy swuggawdiz'd *teleports behind you* at home, +^w^ Weaw out thy youth w-with shapewess idwenyess. +But since thou wov'st, wuv stiww, and thwive thewein, +Even as I wouwd, when I to wuv begin. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Wiwt thou be g-gonye? Sweet Vawentinye, adieu! +Think on thy Pwoteus, when thou *shuffles closer* hapwy seest +Some wawe nyotewowthy object in thy twavew. +*cries* Wish me pawtakew in thy happinyess +When thou dost meet good hap; and in thy dangew, +I-If evew dangew do enviwon thee, +Commend thy *leans over* gwievance to my howy p-pwayews, +Fow I wiww be thy headsman, Vawentinye. +VAWENTINyE. :33 And on :3 a wuv-book pway f-fow my success? +*moans* PWOTEUS. *cries* Upon some book I wuv I-I'ww pway f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +VAWENTINyE. That's on some shawwow stowy of deep wuv: +How young Weandew cwoss'd the Hewwespont. +*moans* PWOTEUS. That's :3 a deep stowy of :3 a deepew wuv; +Fow he w-was mowe than uvw shoes in wuv. +VAWENTINyE. 'Tis twue; f-fow :33 you awe uvw boots in OwO wuv, +:33 And y-yet :33 you nyevew swum the Hewwespont. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Ovew the boots! Nyay, give me nyot the *leans over* boots. +VAWENTINyE. Nyo, I wiww nyot, f-fow i-it boots thee nyot. +*moans* PWOTEUS. What? +VAWENTINyE. To be in *notices bulge* wuv- whewe scown xDD is bought w-with gwoans, +C-Coy wooks w-with heawt-sowe sighs, onye fading moment's miwth +With twenty watchfuw, weawy, tedious nyights; +I-If *shuffles closer* hapwy won, pewhaps :3 a hapwess gain; +I-If wost, why then :3 a gwievous wabouw won; +Howevew, b-but :3 a fowwy bought w-with w-wit, +Ow ewse :3 a wit by fowwy *looks at you* vanquished. +*moans* PWOTEUS. S-So, by youw ciwcumstance, :33 you caww me foow. +VAWENTINyE. S-So, by youw ciwcumstance, I feaw ^-^ you'ww pwuv. +*moans* PWOTEUS. 'Tis wuv :33 you caviw a-at; I *giggles shyly* am nyot Wuv. +VAWENTINyE. Wuv xDD is youw mastew, f-fow he m-mastews y-you; +:33 And he that xDD is so yoked by :3 a foow, +M-Methinks, shouwd nyot be chwonyicwed f-fow wise. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Yet wwitews say, as in the s-sweetest *shuffles closer* bud +The eating cankew dwewws, so eating wuv +Inhabits in the finyest OwO wits of aww. +VAWENTINyE. :33 And wwitews say, as the m-most *teleports behind you* fowwawd *shuffles closer* bud +Is eaten by the cankew ewe i-it bwow, +Even so by wuv the young and tendew wit +Is tuwn'd to f-fowwy, *notices bulge* bwasting in the bud, +Wosing his *sighs* vewduwe even in the pwime, +:33 And aww the f-faiw e-effects of f-futuwe h-hopes. +But whewefowe >_> waste I ;;w;; time to counsew the +That awt :3 a *cuddles you* votawy to fond desiwe? +Once mowe adieu. My fathew *teleports behind you* at the w-woad +Expects my coming, thewe to see me shipp'd. +*moans* PWOTEUS. :33 And thithew wiww I bwing thee, Vawentinye. +VAWENTINyE. Sweet Pwoteus, nyo; *pokes you* nyow w-wet us take ouw weave. +To Miwan w-wet me heaw f-fwom thee by wettews +Of thy success in OwO wuv, and what *notices bulge* nyews ewse +B-Betideth hewe in *sweats* absence of thy fwiend; +:33 And I *teleports behind you* wikewise wiww visit thee w-with minye. +*moans* PWOTEUS. A-Aww happinyess bechance to thee in M-Miwan! +VAWENTINyE. As x3 much to :33 you *teleports behind you* at home; and so faweweww! +E-Exit VAWENTINyE +*moans* PWOTEUS. He *looks away* aftew honyouw ÚwÚ hunts, I *looks away* aftew wuv; +He weaves his fwiends to >w< dignyify them m-mowe: +I weave mysewf, my fwiends, and aww f-fow wuv. +Thou, Juwia, thou hast metamowphis'd me, +Made me nyegwect my x3 studies, wose my time, +Waw w-with good counsew, set the >_> wowwd *teleports behind you* at nyought; +Made wit w-with musing weak, h-heawt sick w-with thought. + +Entew SPEED + +SPEED. S-Siw Pwoteus, save you! ^-^ Saw :33 you my mastew? +*moans* PWOTEUS. But *pokes you* nyow he pawted hence to embawk f-fow Miwan. +SPEED. Twenty to onye then he xDD is shipp'd awweady, +:33 And I *looks away* have pway'd the *cuddles you* sheep in wosing :33 him. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Indeed :3 a *cuddles you* sheep doth vewy often stway, +An i-if the shephewd be awhiwe a-away. +SPEED. You concwude that my mastew xDD is :3 a shephewd then, and +I :3 a sheep? +*moans* PWOTEUS. I do. +SPEED. Why then, my howns awe his *sweats* howns, whethew I wake ow *moans* sweep. +*moans* PWOTEUS. A s-siwwy answew, and f-fitting weww :3 a sheep. +SPEED. T-This pwuvs me ^-^ stiww :3 a sheep. +*moans* PWOTEUS. T-Twue; and thy mastew :3 a shephewd. +SPEED. Nyay, that I can deny by :3 a *blushes* ciwcumstance. +*moans* PWOTEUS. It shaww go hawd b-but I-I'ww pwuv i-it by anyothew. +SPEED. The shephewd seeks the sheep, and nyot the *cuddles you* sheep the +*pokes you* shephewd; b-but I seek my mastew, and my mastew seeks nyot me; +thewefowe, I *giggles shyly* am nyo sheep. +*moans* PWOTEUS. The *cuddles you* sheep f-fow foddew fowwow the *pokes you* shephewd; the shephewd f-fow +food >_< fowwows nyot the sheep: thou f-fow wages fowwowest thy mastew; +thy mastew f-fow wages >_< fowwows nyot *cuddles you* thee. Thewefowe, thou awt :3 a +sheep. +SPEED. Such uWu anyothew *giggles shyly* pwoof wiww m-make me cwy 'baa.' +*moans* PWOTEUS. But dost thou heaw? Gav'st thou my wettew to Juwia? +SPEED. Ay, *teleports behind you* siw; I, :3 a wost mutton, gave youw wettew to hew, :3 a wac'd +mutton; and she, :3 a wac'd mutton, gave me, :3 a wost mutton, nyothing +f-fow my w-wabouw. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Hewe's too smaww :3 a pastuwe f-fow *looks at you* such stowe of muttons. +SPEED. I-If the gwound be u-uvwchawg'd, :33 you wewe best stick hew. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Nyay, in that :33 you awe astway: '-'twewe best pound you. +SPEED. Nyay, siw, wess than :3 a pound shaww sewve me f-fow cawwying youw +wettew. +*moans* PWOTEUS. You ^.^ mistake; I m-mean the pound- :3 a pinfowd. +SPEED. Fwom :3 a pound to :3 a pin? Fowd i-it uvw and uvw, +'Tis UwU thweefowd too wittwe f-fow cawwying :3 a wettew to youw wuvw. +*moans* PWOTEUS. But what said she? +SPEED. *sighs* [Nyodding] Ay. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Nyod- a-ay. Why, that's 'nyoddy.' +SPEED. You mistook, *teleports behind you* siw; I say she did nyod; and :33 you ask me i-if she +did nyod; and I say 'Ay.' +*moans* PWOTEUS. :33 And that set >_> togethew xDD is 'nyoddy.' +SPEED. Nyow :33 you *looks away* have taken the pains to set i-it togethew, take i-it f-fow +youw pains. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Nyo, nyo; :33 you shaww *looks away* have i-it f-fow beawing the wettew. +SPEED. Weww, I pewceive I must be f-fain to *hugs tightly* beaw w-with you. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Why, siw, how do :33 you *hugs tightly* beaw w-with m-me? +SPEED. Mawwy, siw, the wettew, vewy owdewwy; having nyothing b-but the +w-wowd 'nyoddy' f-fow my pains. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Beshwew me, b-but :33 you *looks away* have :3 a quick wit. +SPEED. :33 And y-yet i-it cannyot u-uvwtake youw swow puwse. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Come, *giggles shyly* come, open the *teleports behind you* mattew; in bwief, what said she? +SPEED. Open youw p-puwse, that the monyey and the m-mattew may be both +*teleports behind you* at *screams* once ^-^ dewivewed. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Weww, siw, hewe xDD is f-fow youw pains. What said she? +SPEED. Twuwy, siw, I think ^-^ you'ww hawdwy win hew. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Why, couwdst thou pewceive so x3 much f-fwom hew? +SPEED. Siw, I couwd pewceive nyothing *teleports behind you* at aww f-fwom hew; nyo, nyot so +x3 much as :3 a ducat f-fow dewivewing youw w-wettew; and b-being so hawd to +me that >w< bwought youw mind, I feaw s-she'ww pwuv as hawd to :33 you in +tewwing youw *blushes* mind. Give hew nyo token b-but stonyes, f-fow s-she's as +hawd as steew. +*moans* PWOTEUS. What said she? Nyothing? +SPEED. Nyo, nyot so x3 much as 'Take this f-fow thy pains.' To testify +youw bounty, I *notices bulge* thank you, :33 you *looks away* have :3 testewn'd me; in wequitaw +wheweof, *leans over* hencefowth cawwy youw wettews y-youwsewf; and s-so, siw, +I-I'ww commend :33 you to my m-mastew. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Go, go, be gonye, to save youw *hugs tightly* ship f-fwom wweck, +Which cannyot pewish, having thee aboawd, +:3 Being destin'd to :3 a dwiew death on showe. E-Exit SPEED +I must go s-send some bettew m-messengew. +I feaw my Juwia wouwd nyot *cries* deign my winyes, +Weceiving them f-fwom *looks at you* such :3 a wowthwess post. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Vewonya. The gawden Of JUWIA'S h-house + +Entew J-JUWIA and WUCETTA + +JUWIA. But say, Wucetta, *pokes you* nyow we awe awonye, +Wouwdst thou then counsew me to faww in w-wuv? +WUCETTA. Ay, madam; so :33 you stumbwe nyot unheedfuwwy. +JUWIA. Of aww the f-faiw wesowt of gentwemen +That evewy day w-with p-pawwe encountew me, +In thy ;;w;; opinyion which xDD is wowthiest w-wuv? +WUCETTA. Pwease you, wepeat theiw nyames; I-I'ww show my mind +Accowding to my shawwow simpwe skiww. +JUWIA. What think'st thou of the f-faiw S-Siw Egwamouw? +WUCETTA. As of :3 a knyight weww-spoken, nyeat, and finye; +But, wewe I you, he nyevew shouwd be minye. +JUWIA. What think'st thou of the wich Mewcatio? +WUCETTA. Weww of his weawth; b-but of *sighs* himsewf, so so. +JUWIA. What think'st thou of the gentwe Pwoteus? +WUCETTA. Wowd, Wowd! to see what fowwy weigns in us! +JUWIA. How *giggles shyly* nyow! what means this passion *teleports behind you* at his *sweats* nyame? +WUCETTA. Pawdon, deaw madam; 'tis :3 a passing :33 shame +That I, u-unwowthy ^w^ body as I am, +Shouwd *looks away* censuwe uWu thus on wuvwy gentwemen. +JUWIA. Why nyot on Pwoteus, as of aww the west? +WUCETTA. Then thus: of many good I think him best. +JUWIA. Youw weason? +WUCETTA. I *looks away* have nyo othew b-but :3 a woman's weason: +I think him s-so, because I think him so. +JUWIA. :33 And w-wouwdst thou *looks away* have me cast my wuv on *notices bulge* him? +WUCETTA. Ay, i-if :33 you thought youw wuv nyot cast a-away. +JUWIA. Why, uWu he, of aww the west, hath nyevew mov'd me. +WUCETTA. Yet uWu he, of aww the west, I think, best wuvs ye. +JUWIA. His wittwe speaking shows his wuv b-but smaww. +WUCETTA. Fiwe that's cwosest kept buwns m-most of aww. +JUWIA. They do nyot wuv that do nyot show theiw wuv. +WUCETTA. O, they wuv *blushes* weast that w-wet men knyow theiw wuv. +JUWIA. I wouwd I knyew his *blushes* mind. +WUCETTA. P-Pewuse this papew, madam. +JUWIA. 'To Juwia'- Say, f-fwom whom? +WUCETTA. That the contents wiww show. +JUWIA. Say, say, who gave i-it thee? +WUCETTA. S-Siw Vawentinye's page; and sent, I think, f-fwom Pwoteus. +He wouwd *looks away* have xDD given i-it y-you; b-but I, b-being in the w-way, +Did in youw *leans over* nyame weceive it; pawdon the fauwt, I pway. +JUWIA. Nyow, by my m-modesty, :3 a goodwy bwokew! +Dawe :33 you p-pwesume to hawbouw wanton winyes? +To whispew and conspiwe against my youth? +Nyow, twust me, 'tis an office of g-gweat w-wowth, +:33 And :33 you an officew fit f-fow the p-pwace. +*sighs* Thewe, take the *cuddles you* papew; see i-it be wetuwn'd; +Ow ewse wetuwn nyo mowe into my sight. +WUCETTA. To pwead f-fow wuv *giggles shyly* desewves mowe fee than hate. +JUWIA. Wiww ye be g-gonye? +WUCETTA. That :33 you may wuminyate. E-Exit +JUWIA. :33 And yet, I wouwd I had o'ewwook'd the wettew. +It wewe :3 a :33 shame to caww hew back again, +:33 And pway hew to :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt f-fow which I chid hew. +What foow xDD is she, that knyows I *giggles shyly* am :3 a maid +:33 And wouwd nyot fowce the wettew to my view! +Since m-maids, in m-modesty, say xDD 'Nyo' to that +Which they wouwd *looks away* have the pwoffewew constwue 'Ay.' +^-^ Fie, f-fie, how waywawd xDD is this f-foowish OwO wuv, +That wike :3 a t-testy babe wiww scwatch the nyuwse, +:33 And pwesentwy, aww humbwed, kiss the wod! +How chuwwishwy I chid Wucetta hence, +When wiwwingwy I wouwd *looks away* have had hew hewe! +How a-angewwy I taught my bwow to fwown, +When i-inwawd joy enfowc'd my h-heawt to smiwe! +My ;;w;; penyance xDD is to caww Wucetta back +:33 And ask wemission f-fow my fowwy past. +What ho! Wucetta! + +We-entew WUCETTA + +WUCETTA. What wouwd youw wadyship? +JUWIA. *shuffles closer* Is't nyeaw d-dinnyew t-time? +WUCETTA. I wouwd i-it wewe, +That :33 you might kiww youw *looks at you* stomach on youw meat +:33 And nyot upon youw maid. +JUWIA. What is't that :33 you t-took up so gingewwy? +WUCETTA. Nyothing. +JUWIA. Why didst thou stoop then? +WUCETTA. To take :3 a papew up that I w-wet f-faww. +JUWIA. :33 And xDD is that papew n-nyothing? +WUCETTA. Nyothing concewnying me. +JUWIA. Then w-wet i-it wie f-fow those that i-it concewns. +WUCETTA. Madam, i-it wiww nyot wie whewe i-it concewns, +Unwess i-it *looks away* have :3 a fawse *twerks* intewpwetew. +JUWIA. Some wuv of youws hath wwit to :33 you in whyme. +WUCETTA. That I might sing uWu it, madam, to :3 a tunye. +Give me :3 a *twerks* nyote; youw wadyship can set. +JUWIA. As wittwe by *looks at you* such toys as may be possibwe. +B-Best sing i-it to the tunye of 'Wight o' Wuv.' +WUCETTA. It xDD is too heavy f-fow so wight :3 a tunye. +JUWIA. H-Heavy! bewike i-it hath some b-buwden then. +WUCETTA. Ay; and m-mewodious wewe uWu it, wouwd :33 you sing *hugs tightly* it. +JUWIA. :33 And why nyot you? +WUCETTA. I cannyot weach so high. +JUWIA. Wet's see youw song. UwU [WUCETTA withhowds the wettew] +How nyow, m-minyion! +WUCETTA. Keep tunye thewe stiww, so :33 you wiww sing i-it out. +:33 And y-yet methinks I do nyot wike this tunye. +JUWIA. You do nyot! +WUCETTA. Nyo, madam; 'tis too shawp. +JUWIA. ^.^ You, minyion, awe too saucy. +WUCETTA. Nyay, *pokes you* nyow :33 you awe too fwat +:33 And maw the concowd w-with too hawsh :3 a descant; +Thewe wanteth b-but :3 a m-mean to fiww youw song. +JUWIA. The m-mean xDD is dwown'd w-with youw unwuwy bass. +WUCETTA. Indeed, I *giggles shyly* bid the base f-fow Pwoteus. +JUWIA. T-This UwU babbwe shaww nyot *leans over* hencefowth twoubwe me. +Hewe xDD is :3 a coiw w-with *sweats* pwotestation! [Teaws the wettew] +Go, get :33 you gonye; and w-wet the papews wie. +You wouwd be f-fing'wing them, to angew me. +WUCETTA. ^.^ She makes i-it OwO stwange; b-but she wouwd be best :33 pweas'd +To be so a-ang'wed w-with uWu anyothew wettew. E-Exit +JUWIA. Nyay, wouwd I wewe so a-ang'wed w-with the same! +uWu O hatefuw hands, to teaw *looks at you* such woving wowds! +Injuwious wasps, to feed on *looks at you* such sweet honyey +:33 And kiww the b-bees that y-yiewd i-it w-with youw s-stings! +I-I'ww kiss each sevewaw papew f-fow amends. +Wook, hewe xDD is wwit 'kind Juwia.' Unkind Juwia, +As in wevenge of thy >w< ingwatitude, +I thwow thy *leans over* nyame against the bwuising stonyes, +T-Twampwing c-contemptuouswy on thy disdain. +:33 And hewe xDD is wwit 'wuv-wounded Pwoteus.' +Poow wounded nyame! my bosom,,as :3 a *teleports behind you* bed, +Shaww wodge thee tiww thy wound be thwoughwy heaw'd; +:33 And uWu thus I seawch i-it w-with :3 a suvweign kiss. +But twice ow *notices bulge* thwice w-was 'Pwoteus' wwitten down. +Be xDD cawm, good wind, bwow nyot :3 a w-wowd away +Tiww I *looks away* have found each wettew in the wettew- +Except minye own nyame; that some whiwwwind *hugs tightly* beaw +Unto :3 a wagged, feawfuw, hanging wock, +:33 And thwow i-it uWu thence into the waging sea. +Wo, hewe in onye winye xDD is his *leans over* nyame twice wwit: +'Poow fowwown Pwoteus, passionyate Pwoteus, +To the sweet Juwia.' That I-I'ww teaw away; +:33 And y-yet I wiww nyot, sith so pwettiwy +He c-coupwes i-it to his compwainying nyames. +Thus wiww I fowd them onye upon anyothew; +Nyow kiss, embwace, contend, do what :33 you wiww. + +We-entew WUCETTA + +WUCETTA. Madam, +D-Dinnyew xDD is weady, and youw fathew stays. +JUWIA. Weww, w-wet us go. +WUCETTA. *looks away* What, shaww these papews wie wike teww-tawes hewe? +JUWIA. I-If :33 you OwO wespect them, best to take them up. +WUCETTA. Nyay, I w-was taken up f-fow waying them down; +Yet hewe they shaww nyot wie f-fow catching cowd. +JUWIA. I see :33 you *looks away* have :3 a month's mind to them. +WUCETTA. Ay, madam, :33 you may say what sights :33 you ^.^ see; +I see *moans* things too, awthough :33 you judge I wink. +JUWIA. Come, come; wiww't p-pwease :33 you go? Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Vewonya. ANTONyIO'S h-house + +Entew ANTONyIO and PANTHINyO + +ANTONyIO. Teww me, Panthinyo, what s-sad t-tawk w-was that +W-Whewewith my bwothew hewd :33 you in the c-cwoistew? +P-PANTHINyO. '-'Twas of his >_> nyephew Pwoteus, youw son. +ANTONyIO. Why, what of *notices bulge* him? +P-PANTHINyO. He w-wond'wed that youw wowdship +Wouwd suffew him to spend his youth *teleports behind you* at home, +Whiwe othew men, of *cuddles you* swendew weputation, +Put fowth theiw sons to seek pwefewment out: +Some to the waws, to twy theiw fowtunye thewe; +Some to discuvw iswands faw away; +Some to the studious unyivewsities. +Fow any, ow f-fow aww these e-exewcises, +He said that Pwoteus, youw son, w-was meet; +:33 And did wequest me to impowtunye :33 you +To w-wet him spend his ;;w;; time nyo mowe *teleports behind you* at home, +Which wouwd be g-gweat impeachment to his age, +In having knyown nyo t-twavew in his youth. +ANTONyIO. Nyow nyeed'st thou x3 much impowtunye me to that +Wheweon this *hugs tightly* month I *looks away* have been *sweats* hammewing. +I *looks away* have considew'd weww his w-woss of time, +:33 And how he cannyot be :3 a pewfect man, +Nyot b-being uWu twied and tutow'd in the wowwd: +Expewience xDD is by industwy achiev'd, +:33 And pewfected by the swift couwse of time. +Then t-teww me whithew wewe I best to s-send :33 him. +P-PANTHINyO. I think youw wowdship xDD is nyot ignyowant +How his companyion, *leans over* youthfuw Vawentinye, +Attends the Empewow in his woyaw c-couwt. +ANTONyIO. I knyow i-it weww. +P-PANTHINyO. 'Twewe *notices bulge* good, I think, youw wowdship sent him thithew: +Thewe shaww he pwactise tiwts and touwnyaments, +Heaw sweet discouwse, c-convewse w-with nyobwemen, +:33 And be in ^-^ eye of evewy *cuddles you* exewcise +Wowthy his youth and nyobwenyess of UwU biwth. +ANTONyIO. I wike thy counsew; weww hast thou advis'd; +:33 And that thou mayst pewceive how weww I wike uWu it, +The execution of i-it shaww m-make knyown: +Even w-with the speediest expedition +I wiww dispatch him to the Empewow's c-couwt. +P-PANTHINyO. To-mowwow, may i-it p-pwease you, Don Awphonso +With othew gentwemen of good esteem +Awe *pokes you* jouwnyeying to sawute the Empewow, +:33 And to commend theiw >_> sewvice to his wiww. +ANTONyIO. *pokes you* Good company; w-with them shaww Pwoteus go. + +Entew PWOTEUS + +And- in good time!- *pokes you* nyow wiww we bweak w-with :33 him. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Sweet *hugs tightly* wuv! sweet winyes! sweet wife! +Hewe xDD is hew hand, the agent of hew heawt; +Hewe xDD is hew oath f-fow OwO wuv, hew honyouw's uWu pawn. +uWu O that ouw fathews wouwd a-appwaud ouw wuvs, +To seaw ouw happinyess w-with theiw :3 consents! +uWu O *pokes you* heavenwy J-Juwia! +ANTONyIO. How *giggles shyly* nyow! What wettew awe :33 you weading thewe? +*moans* PWOTEUS. May't p-pwease youw wowdship, 'tis :3 a w-wowd ow t-two +Of commendations sent f-fwom Vawentinye, +D-Dewivew'd by :3 a fwiend that came f-fwom :33 him. +ANTONyIO. W-Wend me the w-wettew; w-wet me see what nyews. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Thewe xDD is nyo n-nyews, my wowd; b-but that he xDD wwites +How happiwy he wives, how w-weww-bewov'd +:33 And daiwy gwaced by the Empewow; +Wishing me w-with him, p-pawtnyew of his fowtunye. +ANTONyIO. :33 And how s-stand :33 you *blushes* affected to his wish? +*moans* PWOTEUS. As onye wewying on youw wowdship's wiww, +:33 And nyot depending on his fwiendwy wish. +ANTONyIO. My wiww xDD is something ^-^ sowted w-with his wish. +M-Muse nyot that I uWu thus suddenwy pwoceed; +Fow what I wiww, I wiww, and thewe an end. +I *giggles shyly* am wesowv'd that thou shawt spend some ;;w;; time +With Vawentinyus in the Empewow's couwt; +What maintenyance he f-fwom his fwiends *cries* weceives, +Wike exhibition thou shawt *looks away* have f-fwom me. +To-mowwow be in weadinyess to go- +Excuse i-it nyot, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am p-pewemptowy. +*moans* PWOTEUS. My wowd, I cannyot be so soon p-pwovided; +Pwease you, *moans* dewibewate :3 a day ow two. +ANTONyIO. Wook what thou want'st shaww be sent *looks away* aftew *cuddles you* thee. +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe of stay; to-mowwow thou must go. +Come on, Panthinyo; :33 you shaww be empwoy'd +To hasten on his e-expedition. +Exeunt ANTONyIO and PANTHINyO +*moans* PWOTEUS. Thus *looks away* have I shunn'd the fiwe f-fow feaw of buwnying, +:33 And dwench'd me in the sea, whewe I *giggles shyly* am dwown'd. +I feaw'd to show my fathew Juwia's wettew, +West he shouwd take exceptions to my wuv; +:33 And w-with the *cuddles you* vantage of minye own *hugs tightly* excuse +Hath he excepted m-most against my wuv. +O, how this spwing of wuv wesembweth +The uncewtain gwowy of an Apwiw :3 day, +Which *pokes you* nyow shows aww the beauty of the *looks at you* sun, +:33 And by an by :3 a cwoud takes aww away! + +We-entew PANTHINyO + +P-PANTHINyO. S-Siw Pwoteus, youw fathew c-cawws f-fow y-you; +He xDD is in *teleports behind you* haste; thewefowe, I pway you, go. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Why, this i-it is: my h-heawt accowds theweto; +:33 And y-yet :3 a thousand *moans* times i-it answews 'Nyo.' Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace + +Entew VAWENTINyE and SPEED + +SPEED. Siw, youw gwuv. +VAWENTINyE. Nyot minye: my gwuvs awe on. +SPEED. Why, then, this may be youws; f-fow this xDD is b-but onye. +VAWENTINyE. *looks away* Ha! w-wet me ^.^ see; ^.^ ay, give i-it me, i-it's minye; +Sweet *looks away* ownyament that decks :3 a thing divinye! +A-Ah, Siwvia! Siwvia! +SPEED. [Cawwing] Madam Siwvia! Madam Siwvia! +VAWENTINyE. How nyow, *shuffles closer* siwwah? +SPEED. ^.^ She xDD is nyot *teleports behind you* within heawing, siw. +VAWENTINyE. Why, siw, who bade :33 you caww hew? +SPEED. Youw wowship, *teleports behind you* siw; ow ewse I mistook. +VAWENTINyE. Weww, ^-^ you'ww ^-^ stiww be too OwO fowwawd. +SPEED. :33 And y-yet I w-was wast chidden f-fow b-being too swow. +VAWENTINyE. G-Go to, *teleports behind you* siw; t-teww me, do :33 you knyow Madam Siwvia? +SPEED. ^.^ She that youw wowship wuvs? +VAWENTINyE. Why, how knyow :33 you that I *giggles shyly* am in w-wuv? +SPEED. Mawwy, by these speciaw mawks: *twerks* fiwst, :33 you *looks away* have weawn'd, wike +S-Siw Pwoteus, to wweath youw awms wike :3 a m-mawcontent; to w-wewish :3 a +wuv-song, wike :3 a ÚwÚ wobin >w< wedbweast; to wawk awonye, wike onye that +had the *sweats* pestiwence; to s-sigh, wike :3 a schoow-boy that had wost his +A B C; to weep, wike :3 a young *moans* wench that had b-buwied hew gwandam; +to fast, wike onye that takes diet; to watch, wike onye that feaws +wobbing; to speak puwing, wike :3 a beggaw *teleports behind you* at Hawwowmas. You wewe +wont, when :33 you waughed, to cwow wike :3 a cock; when :33 you wawk'd, to +wawk wike onye of the wions; when :33 you fasted, i-it w-was pwesentwy +*looks away* aftew dinnyew; when :33 you w-wook'd sadwy, i-it w-was f-fow want of monyey. +:33 And *pokes you* nyow :33 you awe metamowphis'd w-with :3 a mistwess, t-that, when I wook +on you, I can hawdwy think :33 you my m-mastew. +VAWENTINyE. Awe aww these *moans* things *cries* pewceiv'd in m-me? +SPEED. They awe aww *cries* pewceiv'd without ye. +VAWENTINyE. *notices bulge* Without m-me? They cannyot. +SPEED. *notices bulge* Without you! Nyay, that's cewtain; fow, without :33 you wewe so +simpwe, nyonye ewse wouwd; b-but :33 you awe so without these fowwies +that these fowwies awe *teleports behind you* within you, and s-shinye thwough :33 you wike the +watew in an uwinyaw, that nyot an ^-^ eye that sees :33 you b-but xDD is :3 a +physician to comment on youw mawady. +VAWENTINyE. But t-teww me, dost thou knyow my wady Siwvia? +SPEED. ^.^ She that :33 you x3 gaze on s-so, as she sits *teleports behind you* at suppew? +VAWENTINyE. *hugs tightly* Hast thou obsewv'd that? Even she, I m-mean. +SPEED. Why, siw, I knyow hew nyot. +VAWENTINyE. D-Dost thou knyow hew by my g-gazing on hew, and y-yet knyow'st +hew UwU nyot? +SPEED. Is she nyot hawd-favouw'd, siw? +VAWENTINyE. Nyot so faiw, boy, as weww-favouw'd. +SPEED. Siw, I knyow that weww enyough. +VAWENTINyE. What dost thou x3 knyow? +SPEED. That she xDD is nyot so f-faiw as, of you, weww-favouw'd. +VAWENTINyE. I m-mean that hew beauty xDD is exquisite, b-but hew favouw +infinyite. +SPEED. That's because the onye xDD is painted, and the othew out of aww +count. +VAWENTINyE. How painted? and how out of count? +SPEED. Mawwy, siw, so painted, to m-make hew faiw, that nyo man *giggles shyly* counts +of hew beauty. +VAWENTINyE. How *hugs tightly* esteem'st thou m-me? I :3 account of hew beauty. +SPEED. You nyevew saw hew since she w-was defowm'd. +VAWENTINyE. How wong hath she been defowm'd? +SPEED. Evew since :33 you wov'd hew. +VAWENTINyE. I *looks away* have wov'd hew evew since I saw hew, and ^-^ stiww +I see hew beautifuw. +SPEED. I-If :33 you wuv hew, :33 you cannyot see hew. +VAWENTINyE. Why? +SPEED. :33 Because Wuv xDD is bwind. uWu O that :33 you had minye eyes; ow youw own +eyes had the wights they wewe wont to *looks away* have when :33 you chid *teleports behind you* at S-Siw +Pwoteus f-fow going *cries* ungawtew'd! +VAWENTINyE. What shouwd I see then? +SPEED. Youw own pwesent fowwy and hew passing >w< defowmity; f-fow uWu he, +b-being in OwO wuv, couwd nyot see to gawtew his hose; and you, b-being +in OwO wuv, cannyot see to put on youw hose. +VAWENTINyE. Bewike, boy, then :33 you awe in wuv; f-fow wast ^-^ mownying :33 you +couwd nyot see to wipe my shoes. +SPEED. Twue, *teleports behind you* siw; I w-was in wuv w-with my bed. I *notices bulge* thank you, :33 you +*looks at you* swing'd me f-fow my OwO wuv, which makes me the bowdew to chide :33 you +f-fow youws. +VAWENTINyE. In concwusion, I s-stand *blushes* affected to hew. +SPEED. I wouwd :33 you wewe set, so youw affection wouwd c-cease. +VAWENTINyE. Wast nyight she enjoin'd me to wwite some w-winyes to onye +she wuvs. +SPEED. :33 And *looks away* have you? +VAWENTINyE. I have. +SPEED. Awe they nyot wamewy wwit? +VAWENTINyE. Nyo, boy, b-but as weww as I can do them. + +Entew SIWVIA + +Peace! hewe she comes. +SPEED. [Aside] uWu O excewwent motion! uWu O exceeding puppet! +Nyow wiww he intewpwet to hew. +VAWENTINyE. Madam and mistwess, :3 a thousand good mowwows. +SPEED. [Aside] O, give ye good *teleports behind you* ev'n! +Hewe's :3 a miwwion of mannyews. +SIWVIA. S-Siw Vawentinye and sewvant, to :33 you t-two thousand. +SPEED. [Aside] He shouwd give hew *pokes you* intewest, and she g-gives i-it :33 him. +VAWENTINyE. As :33 you enjoin'd me, I *looks away* have wwit youw wettew +Unto the >w< secwet nyamewess fwiend of youws; +Which I w-was x3 much *cries* unwiwwing to pwoceed in, +But f-fow my duty to youw wadyship. +SIWVIA. I *notices bulge* thank you, gentwe sewvant. 'Tis vewy c-cwewkwy donye. +VAWENTINyE. Nyow twust me, madam, i-it came hawdwy off; +Fow, b-being ignyowant to whom i-it *moans* goes, +I wwit *teleports behind you* at wandom, vewy >w< doubtfuwwy. +SIWVIA. Pewchance :33 you think too x3 much of so x3 much pains? +VAWENTINyE. Nyo, madam; so i-it stead you, I wiww wwite, +Pwease :33 you command, :3 a thousand *moans* times as much; +:33 And yet- +SIWVIA. A pwetty p-pewiod! Weww, I guess the sequew; +:33 And y-yet I wiww nyot *leans over* nyame i-it- and y-yet I cawe nyot. +:33 And y-yet take this again- and y-yet I *notices bulge* thank you- +Meanying *leans over* hencefowth to twoubwe :33 you nyo mowe. +SPEED. [Aside] :33 And y-yet :33 you wiww; and y-yet xDD anyothew' yet.' +VAWENTINyE. What means youw wadyship? Do :33 you nyot wike it? +SIWVIA. Yes, yes; the w-winyes awe vewy uWu quaintwy wwit; +But, since unwiwwingwy, take them again. +Nyay, take them. [Gives hack the wettew] +VAWENTINyE. Madam, they awe f-fow you. +SIWVIA. Ay, ^.^ ay, :33 you wwit them, siw, *teleports behind you* at my wequest; +But I wiww nyonye of them; they awe f-fow you: +I wouwd *looks away* have had them wwit mowe movingwy. +VAWENTINyE. Pwease you, I-I'ww wwite youw wadyship anyothew. +SIWVIA. :33 And when i-it's wwit, f-fow my sake wead i-it uvw; +:33 And i-if i-it p-pwease you, so; i-if nyot, why, so. +VAWENTINyE. I-If i-it p-pwease me, madam, what then? +SIWVIA. Why, i-if i-it p-pwease you, take i-it f-fow youw w-wabouw. +:33 And so good mowwow, sewvant. E-Exit SIWVIA +SPEED. uWu O j-jest unseen, i-inscwutabwe, invisibwe, +As :3 a nyose on :3 a man's face, ow :3 a weathewcock on :3 a steepwe! +My mastew sues to hew; and she hath taught hew suitow, +He b-being hew pupiw, to become hew tutow. +uWu O excewwent device! Was thewe evew heawd :3 a bettew, +That my mastew, b-being s-scwibe, to himsewf shouwd wwite the *looks at you* wettew? +VAWENTINyE. How nyow, siw! What awe :33 you :3 weasonying w-with youwsewf? +SPEED. Nyay, I w-was whyming: 'tis :33 you that *looks away* have the weason. +VAWENTINyE. To do what? +SPEED. To be :3 a spokesman f-fwom Madam Siwvia? +VAWENTINyE. To whom? +SPEED. To y-youwsewf; why, she woos :33 you by :3 a figuwe. +VAWENTINyE. What f-figuwe? +SPEED. By :3 a wettew, I shouwd say. +VAWENTINyE. Why, she hath nyot wwit to me. +SPEED. What nyeed she, when she hath xDD made :33 you wwite to youwsewf? +Why, do :33 you nyot pewceive the jest? +VAWENTINyE. Nyo, bewieve me. +SPEED. *cuddles you* Nyo bewieving :33 you i-indeed, siw. But did :33 you pewceive hew +e-eawnyest? +VAWENTINyE. ^.^ She gave me nyonye except an angwy wowd. +SPEED. Why, she hath xDD given :33 you :3 a wettew. +VAWENTINyE. That's the wettew I wwit to hew fwiend. +SPEED. :33 And that wettew hath she dewivew'd, and thewe an end. +VAWENTINyE. I wouwd i-it wewe nyo w-wowse. +SPEED. I-I'ww wawwant :33 you 'tis as weww. +'-'Fow often *looks away* have :33 you wwit to hew; and she, in m-modesty, +Ow ewse f-fow want of idwe time, couwd nyot a-again wepwy; +Ow feawing ewse some messengew that might hew mind OwO discuvw, +>w< Hewsewf hath taught hew wuv himsewf to wwite unto hew wuvw.' +A-Aww this I speak in xDD pwint, f-fow in p-pwint I found *hugs tightly* it. Why muse you, +siw? 'Tis d-dinnyew time. +VAWENTINyE. I *looks away* have din'd. +SPEED. Ay, b-but heawken, *teleports behind you* siw; t-though the chameweon Wuv can feed on +the aiw, I *giggles shyly* am onye that *giggles shyly* am nyouwish'd by my ^.^ victuaws, and wouwd +f-fain *looks away* have meat. O, be nyot wike youw mistwess! Be m-muvd, be muvd. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Vewonya. JUWIA'S h-house + +Entew PWOTEUS and J-JUWIA + +*moans* PWOTEUS. Have patience, gentwe Juwia. +JUWIA. I must, whewe xDD is nyo wemedy. +*moans* PWOTEUS. When possibwy I can, I wiww wetuwn. +JUWIA. I-If :33 you t-tuwn nyot, :33 you wiww wetuwn the soonyew. +Keep this wemembwance f-fow thy Juwia's s-sake. +[Giving :3 a wing] +*moans* PWOTEUS. Why, then, we'ww m-make OwO exchange. Hewe, take :33 you this. +JUWIA. :33 And seaw the bawgain w-with :3 a howy kiss. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Hewe xDD is my hand f-fow my twue constancy; +:33 And when that houw o-o'ewswips me in the day +Whewein I sigh nyot, Juwia, f-fow thy sake, +The nyext ensuing houw some fouw OwO mischance +T-Towment me f-fow my wuv's fowgetfuwnyess! +My fathew stays my coming; a-answew nyot; +The tide xDD is nyow- nyay, nyot thy tide of teaws: +That tide wiww stay me wongew than I shouwd. +Juwia, faweweww! E-Exit J-JUWIA +*looks away* What, gonye without :3 a wowd? +Ay, so twue wuv shouwd do: i-it cannyot speak; +Fow *looks away* twuth hath bettew d-deeds than wowds to gwace *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew PANTHINyO + +P-PANTHINyO. S-Siw Pwoteus, :33 you awe stay'd f-fow. +*moans* PWOTEUS. G-Go; I *giggles shyly* come, I come. +*looks at you* Awas! this pawting :3 stwikes poow wuvws ÚwÚ dumb. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Vewonya. A stweet + +Entew ÚwÚ WAUNCE, weading :3 a x3 dog + +x3 WAUNCE. Nyay, 'twiww be this houw ewe I *looks away* have d-donye weeping; aww the +kind of the Waunces *looks away* have this vewy f-fauwt. I *looks away* have w-weceiv'd my +pwopowtion, wike the Pwodigious *pokes you* Son, and *giggles shyly* am going w-with S-Siw +Pwoteus to the Impewiaw's c-couwt. I think Cwab my x3 dog be the +souwest-nyatuwed x3 dog that wives: my mothew *giggles shyly* weeping, my fathew +waiwing, my *cuddles you* sistew cwying, ouw maid howwing, ouw cat wwinging hew +hands, and aww ouw h-house in :3 a g-gweat p-pewpwexity; y-yet did nyot this +cwuew-heawted :3 cuw shed onye teaw. He xDD is :3 a stonye, :3 a vewy *sighs* pebbwe +stonye, and has nyo mowe pity in him than :3 a dog. A Jew wouwd *looks away* have +wept to *looks away* have :33 seen ouw pawting; why, my gwandam having nyo eyes, +wook you, wept hewsewf bwind *teleports behind you* at my pawting. Nyay, I-I'ww show :33 you +the mannyew of *hugs tightly* it. T-This s-shoe xDD is my fathew; nyo, this weft s-shoe xDD is +my fathew; nyo, nyo, weft s-shoe xDD is my mothew; nyay, that cannyot be so +nyeithew; yes, i-it xDD is s-so, i-it xDD is s-so, i-it hath the wowsew sowe. T-This +s-shoe w-with the howe in i-it xDD is my mothew, and this my uWu fathew. A +vengeance on 't! Thewe 'tis. Nyow, siw, this staff xDD is my *leans over* sistew, +fow, wook you, she xDD is as white as :3 a wiwy and as smaww as :3 a w-wand; +this hat xDD is *giggles shyly* Nyan ouw maid; I *giggles shyly* am the dog; nyo, the x3 dog xDD is *sighs* himsewf, +and I *giggles shyly* am the dog- O, the x3 dog xDD is me, and I *giggles shyly* am mysewf; ^.^ ay, s-so, so. +Nyow come I to my fathew: 'Fathew, youw bwessing.' Nyow shouwd nyot +the s-shoe speak :3 a w-wowd f-fow weeping; *pokes you* nyow shouwd I kiss my fathew; +weww, he weeps on. Nyow come I to my mothew. uWu O that she couwd +speak *pokes you* nyow wike :3 a wood w-woman! Weww, I kiss h-hew- why thewe 'tis; +^-^ hewe's my mothew's bweath up and down. Nyow come I to my sistew; +mawk the moan she makes. Nyow the x3 dog aww this w-whiwe sheds nyot :3 a +teaw, *pokes you* nyow speaks :3 a wowd; b-but see how I way the dust w-with my +teaws. + +Entew PANTHINyO + +P-PANTHINyO. Waunce, away, away, aboawd! Thy mastew xDD is s-shipp'd, and +thou awt to post *looks away* aftew w-with o-oaws. What's the mattew? Why weep'st +>w< thou, man? Away, ass! You'ww wose the tide i-if :33 you *looks away* tawwy *sighs* any +wongew. +x3 WAUNCE. It xDD is nyo m-mattew i-if the tied wewe wost; f-fow i-it xDD is the +unkindest tied that evew *sighs* any man tied. +P-PANTHINyO. What's the unkindest tide? +x3 WAUNCE. Why, he that's tied hewe, Cwab, my dog. +P-PANTHINyO. Tut, man, I m-mean ÚwÚ thou'wt wose the f-fwood, and, in wosing +the f-fwood, wose thy voyage, and, in wosing thy voyage, wose thy +mastew, and, in wosing thy mastew, wose thy sewvice, and, in +wosing thy sewvice- Why dost thou stop my mouth? +x3 WAUNCE. Fow feaw thou shouwdst wose thy t-tongue. +P-PANTHINyO. Whewe shouwd I wose my tongue? +x3 WAUNCE. In thy t-tawe. +P-PANTHINyO. In thy *leans over* taiw! +x3 WAUNCE. Wose the ÚwÚ tide, and the voyage, and the mastew, and the +sewvice, and the tied! Why, man, i-if the >_> wivew wewe ;;w;; dwy, I *giggles shyly* am abwe +to fiww i-it w-with my teaws; i-if the *cuddles you* wind wewe down, I couwd dwive +the boat w-with my *leans over* sighs. +P-PANTHINyO. Come, come away, man; I w-was sent to caww *cuddles you* thee. +x3 WAUNCE. Siw, caww me what thou d-daw'st. +P-PANTHINyO. Wiww thou go? +x3 WAUNCE. Weww, I wiww go. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace + +Entew SIWVIA, VAWENTINyE, T-THUWIO, and SPEED + +SIWVIA. Sewvant! +VAWENTINyE. Mistwess? +SPEED. Mastew, S-Siw Thuwio fwowns on you. +VAWENTINyE. Ay, boy, i-it's f-fow wuv. +SPEED. Nyot of you. +VAWENTINyE. Of my mistwess, then. +SPEED. 'Twewe good :33 you knyock'd :33 him. E-Exit +SIWVIA. Sewvant, :33 you awe sad. +VAWENTINyE. Indeed, madam, I *teleports behind you* seem so. +THUWIO. Seem :33 you that :33 you awe UwU nyot? +VAWENTINyE. Hapwy I do. +THUWIO. S-So do c-countewfeits. +VAWENTINyE. S-So do you. +THUWIO. What *teleports behind you* seem I that I *giggles shyly* am UwU nyot? +VAWENTINyE. Wise. +THUWIO. What ÚwÚ instance of the *moans* contwawy? +VAWENTINyE. Youw fowwy. +THUWIO. :33 And how *sighs* quote :33 you my fowwy? +VAWENTINyE. I *sighs* quote i-it in youw jewkin. +THUWIO. My jewkin xDD is :3 a *sweats* doubwet. +VAWENTINyE. Weww, then, I-I'ww *looks away* doubwe youw fowwy. +THUWIO. How? +SIWVIA. *looks away* What, *shuffles closer* angwy, S-Siw Thuwio! Do :33 you change cowouw? +VAWENTINyE. Give him weave, madam; he xDD is :3 a kind of chameweon. +THUWIO. That hath mowe mind to feed on youw bwood than wive in youw +aiw. +VAWENTINyE. You *looks away* have said, siw. +THUWIO. Ay, siw, and d-donye too, f-fow this time. +VAWENTINyE. I knyow i-it weww, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you *hugs tightly* awways e-end ewe :33 you begin. +SIWVIA. A *screams* finye vowwey of w-wowds, g-gentwemen, and quickwy s-shot off. +VAWENTINyE. 'Tis i-indeed, madam; we *notices bulge* thank the *notices bulge* givew. +SIWVIA. Who xDD is t-that, sewvant? +VAWENTINyE. Youwsewf, sweet wady; f-fow :33 you gave the fiwe. S-Siw Thuwio +bowwows his wit f-fwom youw wadyship's *shuffles closer* wooks, and spends what he +bowwows kindwy in youw company. +THUWIO. Siw, i-if :33 you spend w-wowd f-fow w-wowd w-with me, I shaww m-make youw +wit bankwupt. +VAWENTINyE. I knyow i-it weww, *teleports behind you* siw; :33 you *looks away* have an *giggles shyly* exchequew of w-wowds, +and, I think, nyo othew tweasuwe to give youw fowwowews; f-fow i-it +*leans over* appeaws by theiw bawe wivewies that they wive by youw bawe wowds. + +Entew DUKE + +SIWVIA. *cuddles you* Nyo m-mowe, g-gentwemen, nyo mowe. Hewe comes my uWu fathew. +DUKE. Nyow, daughtew Siwvia, :33 you awe hawd beset. +S-Siw Vawentinye, youw fathew xDD is in good heawth. +What say :33 you to :3 a wettew f-fwom youw fwiends +Of x3 much good nyews? +VAWENTINyE. My wowd, I wiww be thankfuw +To *sighs* any ^.^ happy messengew f-fwom thence. +DUKE. K-Knyow ye Don Antonyio, youw *cries* countwyman? +VAWENTINyE. Ay, my good wowd, I knyow the gentweman +To be of wowth and wowthy estimation, +:33 And nyot without desewt so weww weputed. +DUKE. Hath he nyot :3 a son? +VAWENTINyE. Ay, my good wowd; :3 a son that weww *giggles shyly* desewves +The honyouw and wegawd of *looks at you* such :3 a uWu fathew. +DUKE. You knyow him weww? +VAWENTINyE. I knyew him as mysewf; f-fow f-fwom ouw infancy +We *looks away* have convews'd and *sweats* spent ouw houws togethew; +:33 And t-though mysewf *looks away* have been an idwe twuant, +Omitting the sweet benyefit of ;;w;; time +To cwothe minye ^w^ age w-with *sighs* angew-wike pewfection, +Yet hath S-Siw Pwoteus, f-fow that's his nyame, +Made use and f-faiw advantage of his days: +His x3 yeaws b-but ÚwÚ young, b-but his expewience o-owd; +His head unmewwowed, b-but his judgment wipe; +And, in :3 a wowd, f-fow faw behind his wowth +Comes aww the pwaises that I *pokes you* nyow bestow, +He xDD is *twerks* compwete in f-featuwe and in mind, +With aww good gwace to gwace :3 a gentweman. +DUKE. Beshwew me, siw, b-but i-if he m-make this *notices bulge* good, +He xDD is as wowthy f-fow an empwess' wuv +As meet to be an empewow's counsewwow. +Weww, siw, this gentweman xDD is come to me +With commendation f-fwom g-gweat *sweats* potentates, +:33 And hewe he means to spend his ;;w;; time awhiwe. +I think 'tis nyo u-unwewcome *notices bulge* nyews to you. +VAWENTINyE. Shouwd I *looks away* have wish'd :3 a thing, i-it had been he. +DUKE. xDD Wewcome him, then, accowding to his wowth- +Siwvia, I speak to you, and you, S-Siw Thuwio; +Fow Vawentinye, I nyeed nyot cite him to *hugs tightly* it. +I wiww s-send him h-hithew to :33 you p-pwesentwy. E-Exit DUKE +VAWENTINyE. T-This xDD is the gentweman I towd youw wadyship +Had come awong w-with me b-but that his mistwesss +Did howd his eyes wock'd in hew cwystaw wooks. +SIWVIA. B-Bewike that *pokes you* nyow she hath enfwanchis'd them +*cries* Upon some othew p-pawn f-fow feawty. +VAWENTINyE. Nyay, suwe, I think she howds them pwisonyews s-stiww. +SIWVIA. Nyay, then, he shouwd be bwind; and, b-being bwind, +How couwd he see his way to seek out you? +VAWENTINyE. Why, wady, Wuv hath twenty paiw of eyes. +THUWIO. They say that Wuv hath nyot an ^-^ eye *teleports behind you* at aww. +VAWENTINyE. To see *looks at you* such wuvws, Thuwio, as y-youwsewf; +*cries* Upon :3 a homewy object Wuv can wink. E-Exit THUWIO + +Entew PWOTEUS + +SIWVIA. Have donye, *looks away* have d-donye; hewe comes the gentweman. +VAWENTINyE. Wewcome, deaw Pwoteus! Mistwess, I b-beseech :33 you +Confiwm his wewcome w-with some speciaw favouw. +SIWVIA. His wowth xDD is wawwant f-fow his wewcome h-hithew, +I-If this be he :33 you oft *looks away* have wish'd to heaw fwom. +VAWENTINyE. Mistwess, i-it is; sweet wady, entewtain him +To be my fewwow-sewvant to youw wadyship. +SIWVIA. >w< Too wow :3 a mistwess f-fow so high :3 a sewvant. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Nyot s-so, sweet wady; b-but too m-mean :3 a *cries* sewvant +To *looks away* have :3 a wook of *looks at you* such :3 a wowthy *screams* mistwess. +VAWENTINyE. W-Weave off discouwse of disabiwity; +Sweet wady, entewtain him f-fow youw sewvant. +*moans* PWOTEUS. My duty wiww I boast of, nyothing ewse. +SIWVIA. :33 And duty nyevew y-yet did want his meed. +Sewvant, :33 you awe wewcome to :3 a wowthwess *screams* mistwess. +*moans* PWOTEUS. I-I'ww *leans over* die on him that says so b-but *sweats* youwsewf. +SIWVIA. That :33 you awe wewcome? +*moans* PWOTEUS. That :33 you awe wowthwess. + +We-entew THUWIO + +THUWIO. Madam, my w-wowd youw fathew wouwd speak w-with you. +SIWVIA. I wait upon his pweasuwe. Come, S-Siw Thuwio, +G-Go w-with me. Once m-mowe, nyew sewvant, wewcome. +I-I'ww weave :33 you to ^.^ confew of home a-affaiws; +When :33 you *looks away* have d-donye we wook to heaw f-fwom you. +*moans* PWOTEUS. We'ww both attend upon youw wadyship. +Exeunt SIWVIA and THUWIO +VAWENTINyE. Nyow, t-teww me, how do aww f-fwom whence :33 you came? +*moans* PWOTEUS. Youw fwiends awe weww, and *looks away* have them x3 much commended. +VAWENTINyE. :33 And how do youws? +*moans* PWOTEUS. I weft them aww in heawth. +VAWENTINyE. How does youw wady, and how *blushes* thwives youw w-wuv? +*moans* PWOTEUS. My t-tawes of wuv wewe wont to weawy y-you; +I knyow :33 you joy nyot in :3 a wuv-discouwse. +VAWENTINyE. Ay, Pwoteus, b-but that w-wife xDD is OwO awtew'd nyow; +I *looks away* have d-donye ;;w;; penyance f-fow c-contemnying Wuv, +W-Whose high impewious thoughts *looks away* have punyish'd me +With bittew fasts, w-with penyitentiaw gwoans, +With nyightwy teaws, and daiwy heawt-sowe s-sighs; +Fow, in wevenge of my contempt of OwO wuv, +Wuv hath chas'd sweep f-fwom my enthwawwed eyes +:33 And xDD made them watchews of minye own heawt's s-sowwow. +uWu O gentwe Pwoteus, Wuv's :3 a >w< mighty wowd, +:33 And hath so humbwed me as I confess +Thewe xDD is nyo woe to his *twerks* cowwection, +Nyow to his >_> sewvice nyo *looks at you* such joy on eawth. +Nyow nyo discouwse, except i-it be of wuv; +Nyow can I bweak my fast, dinye, sup, and sweep, +*cries* Upon the vewy nyaked *leans over* nyame of wuv. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Enyough; I wead youw fowtunye in youw eye. +Was this the idow that :33 you wowship so? +VAWENTINyE. Even she; and xDD is she nyot :3 a *pokes you* heavenwy saint? +*moans* PWOTEUS. Nyo; b-but she xDD is an e-eawthwy pawagon. +VAWENTINyE. Caww hew divinye. +*moans* PWOTEUS. I wiww nyot fwattew hew. +VAWENTINyE. O, fwattew me; f-fow wuv d-dewights in pwaises! +*moans* PWOTEUS. When I w-was sick :33 you gave me bittew piwws, +:33 And I must minyistew the wike to you. +VAWENTINyE. Then speak the *looks away* twuth by hew; i-if nyot ^w^ divinye, +Yet w-wet hew be :3 a pwincipawity, +Suvweign to aww the cweatuwes on the eawth. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Except my *screams* mistwess. +VAWENTINyE. Sweet, except nyot any; +Except thou wiwt except against my wuv. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Have I nyot weason to pwefew minye o-own? +VAWENTINyE. :33 And I wiww h-hewp thee to pwefew hew t-too: +^.^ She shaww be d-dignyified w-with this high *twerks* honyouw- +To *hugs tightly* beaw my w-wady's twain, west the base eawth +Shouwd f-fwom hew vestuwe chance to steaw :3 a kiss +And, of so g-gweat :3 a favouw gwowing pwoud, +Disdain to w-woot the summew-swewwing f-fwow'w +:33 And m-make wough wintew evewwastingwy. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Why, Vawentinye, what bwaggawdism xDD is *shuffles closer* this? +VAWENTINyE. Pawdon me, Pwoteus; aww I can xDD is nyothing +To hew, *screams* whose wowth makes othew w-wowthies nyothing; +^.^ She xDD is awonye. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Then w-wet hew awonye. +VAWENTINyE. Nyot f-fow the wowwd! Why, man, she xDD is minye own; +:33 And I as wich in having *looks at you* such :3 a jewew +As twenty seas, i-if aww theiw sand wewe peaww, +The watew *notices bulge* nyectaw, and the wocks puwe gowd. +Fowgive me that I do nyot dweam on thee, +:33 Because thou seest me dote upon my wuv. +My f-foowish *sweats* wivaw, that hew fathew *screams* wikes +Onwy f-fow his possessions awe so huge, +Is gonye w-with hew a-awong; and I must aftew, +Fow OwO wuv, thou knyow'st, xDD is fuww of jeawousy. +*moans* PWOTEUS. But she wuvs you? +VAWENTINyE. Ay, and we awe b-betwoth'd; nyay m-mowe, ouw mawwiage-houw, +With aww the cunnying mannyew of ouw f-fwight, +Detewmin'd o-of- how I must cwimb hew window, +The ^w^ waddew xDD made of cowds, and aww the means +Pwotted and 'gweed on f-fow my happinyess. +*pokes you* Good Pwoteus, go w-with me to my *cries* chambew, +In these affaiws to a-aid me w-with thy counsew. +*moans* PWOTEUS. G-Go on befowe; I shaww enquiwe :33 you fowth; +I must unto the w-woad to disembawk +Some nyecessawies that I nyeeds must use; +:33 And then I-I'ww pwesentwy attend you. +VAWENTINyE. Wiww :33 you m-make haste? +*moans* PWOTEUS. I wiww. E-Exit VAWENTINyE +Even as onye heat uWu anyothew heat expews +Ow as onye *sighs* nyaiw by stwength dwives out anyothew, +S-So the wemembwance of my fowmew wuv +Is by :3 a nyewew object quite fowgotten. +Is i-it my mind, ow Vawentinyus' *cuddles you* pwaise, +Hew twue pewfection, ow my fawse twansgwession, +That makes me weasonwess to weason thus? +^.^ She xDD is *sighs* faiw; and so xDD is Juwia that I *notices bulge* wuv- +That I did OwO wuv, f-fow *pokes you* nyow my wuv xDD is thaw'd; +Which wike :3 a waxen image '-'gainst :3 a fiwe +Beaws nyo impwession of the thing i-it was. +Methinks my z-zeaw to Vawentinye xDD is cowd, +:33 And that I wuv him nyot as I w-was wont. +O! b-but I wuv his wady too too much, +:33 And that's the weason I wuv him so w-wittwe. +How shaww I dote on hew w-with mowe ^-^ advice +That uWu thus without ^-^ advice begin to wuv hew! +'Tis b-but hew ;;w;; pictuwe I *looks away* have y-yet behewd, +:33 And that hath d-dazzwed my weason's wight; +But when I wook on hew pewfections, +Thewe xDD is nyo weason b-but I shaww be bwind. +I-If I can check my e-ewwing OwO wuv, I wiww; +I-If nyot, to compass hew I-I'ww use my skiww. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE V. +Miwan. A stweet + +Entew SPEED and *leans over* WAUNCE *moans* sevewawwy + +SPEED. ^-^ Waunce! by minye honyesty, wewcome to Padua. +x3 WAUNCE. Fowsweaw nyot thysewf, sweet y-youth, f-fow I *giggles shyly* am nyot wewcome. I +weckon this awways, that :3 a man xDD is nyevew undonye tiww he be :33 hang'd, +*pokes you* nyow nyevew wewcome to :3 a pwace tiww some cewtain s-shot be paid, and +the hostess say 'Wewcome!' +SPEED. Come on, :33 you *hugs tightly* madcap; I-I'ww to the awehouse w-with :33 you +p-pwesentwy; whewe, f-fow onye s-shot of f-five pence, thou shawt *looks away* have +f-five thousand wewcomes. But, siwwah, how did thy mastew pawt w-with +Madam Juwia? +x3 WAUNCE. Mawwy, *looks away* aftew they cwos'd in eawnyest, they pawted vewy +faiwwy in jest. +SPEED. But shaww she m-mawwy *notices bulge* him? +x3 WAUNCE. Nyo. +SPEED. How then? Shaww he m-mawwy hew? +x3 WAUNCE. Nyo, nyeithew. +SPEED. *looks away* What, awe they bwoken? +x3 WAUNCE. Nyo, they awe both as *shuffles closer* whowe as :3 a fish. +SPEED. Why then, how *moans* stands the m-mattew w-with t-them? +x3 WAUNCE. Mawwy, thus: when i-it *moans* stands weww w-with him, i-it *moans* stands weww +w-with hew. +SPEED. What an ass awt *pokes you* thou! I undewstand thee nyot. +x3 WAUNCE. What :3 a bwock awt thou that thou c-canst nyot! My staff +undewstands me. +SPEED. What thou say'st? +x3 WAUNCE. Ay, and what I do too; wook thee, I-I'ww b-but wean, and my +staff undewstands me. +SPEED. It *moans* stands undew thee, indeed. +x3 WAUNCE. Why, stand-undew and undew-stand xDD is aww onye. +SPEED. But t-teww me twue, wiww't be :3 a match? +x3 WAUNCE. Ask my dog. I-If he say ^.^ ay, i-it wiww; i-if he say nyo, i-it wiww; +i-if he shake his taiw and say n-nyothing, i-it wiww. +SPEED. The concwusion is, then, that i-it wiww. +x3 WAUNCE. Thou shawt nyevew get *looks at you* such :3 a >w< secwet f-fwom me b-but by :3 a +*cuddles you* pawabwe. +SPEED. 'Tis weww that I get i-it so. But, Waunce, how say'st thou +that my mastew xDD is become :3 a nyotabwe wuvw? +x3 WAUNCE. I nyevew knyew him othewwise. +SPEED. Than how? +x3 WAUNCE. A nyotabwe uWu wubbew, as thou w-wepowtest him to b-be. +SPEED. Why, thou whoweson ass, thou mistak'st me. +x3 WAUNCE. Why, foow, I meant nyot thee, I meant thy m-mastew. +SPEED. I t-teww thee my mastew xDD is become :3 a *giggles shyly* hot wuvw. +x3 WAUNCE. Why, I t-teww thee I cawe nyot t-though he buwn himsewf in wuv. +I-If thou wiwt, go w-with me to the awehouse; i-if nyot, thou awt an +Hebwew, :3 a Jew, and nyot wowth the *leans over* nyame of :3 a Chwistian. +SPEED. Why? +x3 WAUNCE. :33 Because thou hast nyot so x3 much chawity in thee as to go to +the awe w-with :3 a Chwistian. Wiwt thou go? +SPEED. At thy sewvice. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE VI. +Miwan. The DUKE's pawace + +Entew PWOTEUS + +*moans* PWOTEUS. To weave my Juwia, shaww I be fowswown; +To wuv f-faiw Siwvia, shaww I be fowswown; +To wwong my fwiend, I shaww be x3 much fowswown; +:33 And ev'n that pow'w which gave me fiwst my oath +Pwovokes me to this UwU thweefowd pewjuwy: +Wuv bade me sweaw, and Wuv bids me f-fowsweaw. +uWu O sweet-suggesting Wuv, i-if thou hast sinn'd, +*screams* Teach me, thy *sighs* tempted subject, to *hugs tightly* excuse i-it! +At fiwst I did adowe :3 a twinkwing staw, +But *pokes you* nyow I wowship :3 a cewestiaw s-sun. +Unheedfuw vows may heedfuwwy be bwoken; +:33 And he wants wit that wants wesowved wiww +To w-weawn his wit t' exchange the x3 bad f-fow bettew. +^-^ Fie, f-fie, unwevewend t-tongue, to caww hew x3 bad +W-Whose s-suvweignty so oft thou hast pwefeww'd +With twenty thousand souw-confiwming oaths! +I cannyot weave to OwO wuv, and y-yet I do; +But thewe I weave to wuv whewe I shouwd wuv. +Juwia I wose, and Vawentinye I *shuffles closer* wose; +I-If I keep them, I nyeeds must wose mysewf; +I-If I wose them, uWu thus find I by theiw w-woss: +Fow Vawentinye, mysewf; f-fow Juwia, Siwvia. +I to mysewf *giggles shyly* am deawew than :3 a fwiend; +Fow wuv xDD is ^-^ stiww m-most pwecious in itsewf; +:33 And Siwvia- witnyess heaven, that xDD made hew faiw!- +Shows Juwia b-but :3 a swawthy Ethiope. +I wiww fowget that Juwia xDD is awive, +Wememb'wing that my wuv to hew xDD is dead; +:33 And Vawentinye I-I'ww howd an enyemy, +Aiming *teleports behind you* at Siwvia as :3 a x3 sweetew fwiend. +I cannyot *pokes you* nyow pwuv *hugs tightly* constant to mysewf +*notices bulge* Without some tweachewy us'd to Vawentinye. +T-This nyight he m-meanyeth w-with :3 a cowded ^w^ waddew +To cwimb cewestiaw Siwvia's chambew window, +M-Mysewf in counsew, his :3 competitow. +Nyow pwesentwy I-I'ww give hew fathew n-nyotice +Of theiw disguising and pwetended f-fwight, +Who, aww e-enwag'd, wiww :3 banyish Vawentinye, +Fow Thuwio, he *screams* intends, shaww wed his daughtew; +But, Vawentinye b-being gonye, I-I'ww quickwy cwoss +By some swy t-twick bwunt Thuwio's duww p-pwoceeding. +Wuv, wend me wings to m-make my puwpose *screams* swift, +As thou hast went me wit to pwot this dwift. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE VII. +Vewonya. JUWIA'S h-house + +Entew J-JUWIA and WUCETTA + +JUWIA. Counsew, Wucetta; gentwe g-giww, assist me; +And, ev'n in kind OwO wuv, I do *giggles shyly* conjuwe thee, +Who awt the tabwe whewein aww my thoughts +Awe visibwy *teleports behind you* chawactew'd and e-engwav'd, +To *screams* wesson me and t-teww me some good m-mean +How, w-with my honyouw, I may :33 undewtake +A j-jouwnyey to my woving Pwoteus. +WUCETTA. A-Awas, the way xDD is weawisome and wong! +JUWIA. A twue-devoted p-piwgwim xDD is nyot weawy +To measuwe >_> kingdoms w-with his feebwe steps; +*looks away* Much wess shaww she that hath Wuv's wings to fwy, +:33 And when the ^.^ fwight xDD is xDD made to onye so deaw, +Of *looks at you* such divinye pewfection, as S-Siw Pwoteus. +WUCETTA. UwU Bettew fowbeaw tiww Pwoteus m-make wetuwn. +JUWIA. O, knyow'st thou nyot his wooks awe my souw's food? +P-Pity the *cries* deawth that I *looks away* have pinyed in +By wonging f-fow that food so wong :3 a time. +Didst thou b-but knyow the UwU inwy touch of wuv. +Thou w-wouwdst as soon go kindwe fiwe w-with snyow +As seek to quench the fiwe of wuv w-with wowds. +WUCETTA. I do nyot seek to quench youw wuv's *giggles shyly* hot f-fiwe, +But quawify the fiwe's e-extweme wage, +West i-it shouwd buwn abuv the bounds of weason. +JUWIA. The mowe thou dam'st i-it up, the mowe i-it buwns. +The c-cuwwent that w-with gentwe muwmuw gwides, +Thou knyow'st, b-being stopp'd, impatientwy doth wage; +But when his f-faiw couwse xDD is nyot hindewed, +He makes sweet *pokes you* music w-with *sighs* th' enyameww'd stonyes, +xDD Giving :3 a gentwe kiss to evewy sedge +He uvwtaketh in his piwgwimage; +:33 And so by many winding nyooks he stways, +With wiwwing spowt, to the wiwd ocean. +Then w-wet me go, and *screams* hindew nyot my couwse. +I-I'ww be as *notices bulge* patient as :3 a gentwe stweam, +:33 And m-make :3 a pastime of each weawy step, +Tiww the wast step *looks away* have >w< bwought me to my wuv; +:33 And thewe I-I'ww west as, *looks away* aftew x3 much tuwmoiw, +A bwessed :33 souw doth in Ewysium. +WUCETTA. But in what *moans* habit wiww :33 you go a-awong? +JUWIA. Nyot wike :3 a woman, f-fow I wouwd pwevent +The woose encountews of w-wascivious m-men; +Gentwe Wucetta, fit me w-with *looks at you* such weeds +As may beseem some weww-weputed page. +WUCETTA. Why then, youw wadyship must cut youw ^-^ haiw. +JUWIA. Nyo, giww; I-I'ww knyit i-it up in siwken stwings +With twenty odd-conceited *hugs tightly* twue-wuv knyots- +To be fantastic may become :3 a youth +Of gweatew ;;w;; time than I shaww show to b-be. +WUCETTA. What fashion, madam, shaww I m-make youw bweeches? +JUWIA. That fits as weww as 'Teww me, good my wowd, +What compass wiww :33 you weaw youw fawthingawe.' +Why ev'n what fashion thou best wikes, Wucetta. +WUCETTA. You must nyeeds *looks away* have them w-with :3 a *sweats* codpiece, madam. +JUWIA. Out, out, Wucetta, that wiww be iww-favouw'd. +WUCETTA. A wound hose, madam, nyow's nyot wowth :3 a pin, +Unwess :33 you *looks away* have :3 a codpiece to stick pins on. +JUWIA. Wucetta, as thou wov'st me, w-wet me *looks away* have +What thou think'st ^.^ meet, and xDD is m-most mannyewwy. +But t-teww me, wench, how wiww the >_> wowwd wepute me +Fow undewtaking so unstaid :3 a jouwnyey? +I feaw me i-it wiww m-make me s-scandawiz'd. +WUCETTA. I-If :33 you think s-so, then stay *teleports behind you* at home and go nyot. +JUWIA. Nyay, that I wiww nyot. +WUCETTA. Then nyevew dweam on infamy, b-but go. +I-If Pwoteus wike youw j-jouwnyey when :33 you *giggles shyly* come, +*cuddles you* Nyo m-mattew who's dispweas'd when :33 you awe gonye. +I feaw me he wiww scawce be :33 pweas'd withaw. +JUWIA. That xDD is the weast, Wucetta, of my f-feaw: +A thousand oaths, an ocean of his teaws, +:33 And instances of xDD infinyite of OwO wuv, +Wawwant me wewcome to my Pwoteus. +WUCETTA. A-Aww these awe sewvants to deceitfuw men. +JUWIA. Base men that use them to so base >_> effect! +But :33 twuew staws did guvwn Pwoteus' biwth; +His wowds awe bonds, his oaths awe owacwes, +His wuv sincewe, his thoughts immacuwate, +His teaws puwe >_> messengews sent f-fwom his h-heawt, +His h-heawt as faw f-fwom fwaud as heaven f-fwom eawth. +WUCETTA. :33 Pway heav'n he pwuv so when :33 you come to :33 him. +JUWIA. Nyow, as thou wov'st me, do him nyot that wwong +To *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a hawd ;;w;; opinyion of his *leans over* twuth; +Onwy d-desewve my wuv by woving :33 him. +:33 And pwesentwy go w-with me to my *cries* chambew, +To take :3 a nyote of what I s-stand in nyeed of +To f-fuwnyish me upon my wonging jouwnyey. +A-Aww that xDD is minye I weave *teleports behind you* at thy dispose, +My goods, my wands, my weputation; +Onwy, in wieu *blushes* theweof, dispatch me hence. +Come, a-answew nyot, b-but to i-it p-pwesentwy; +I *giggles shyly* am impatient of my tawwiance. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace + +Entew *shuffles closer* DUKE, T-THUWIO, and PWOTEUS + +DUKE. S-Siw Thuwio, give us weave, I :33 pway, awhiwe; +We *looks away* have some secwets to ^.^ confew >_< about. E-Exit THUWIO +Nyow t-teww me, Pwoteus, w-what's youw wiww w-with m-me? +*moans* PWOTEUS. My gwacious wowd, that which I wouwd discuvw +The waw of fwiendship bids me to conceaw; +But, when I caww to mind youw gwacious f-favouws +Donye to me, undesewving as I am, +My duty pwicks me on to uttew that +Which ewse nyo wowwdwy good shouwd dwaw f-fwom me. +Knyow, wowthy OwO pwince, S-Siw Vawentinye, my fwiend, +T-This nyight intends to steaw away youw daughtew; +M-Mysewf *giggles shyly* am onye xDD made pwivy to the pwot. +I knyow :33 you *looks away* have detewmin'd to bestow hew +On Thuwio, whom youw gentwe daughtew ^.^ hates; +:33 And shouwd she uWu thus be stow'n away f-fwom you, +It wouwd be x3 much *notices bulge* vexation to youw age. +Thus, f-fow my duty's sake, I wathew chose +To cwoss my fwiend in his intended dwift +Than, by conceawing uWu it, heap on youw head +A pack of sowwows which wouwd pwess :33 you down, +:3 Being unpwevented, to youw t-timewess gwave. +DUKE. Pwoteus, I *notices bulge* thank thee f-fow thinye honyest cawe, +Which to ;;w;; wequite, command me w-whiwe I wive. +T-This wuv of theiws mysewf *looks away* have often seen, +Hapwy when they *looks away* have judg'd me fast asweep, +:33 And *blushes* oftentimes *looks away* have *moans* puwpos'd to fowbid +S-Siw Vawentinye hew *giggles shyly* company and my couwt; +But, feawing west my jeawous aim might *hugs tightly* eww +:33 And s-so, unwowthiwy, *shuffles closer* disgwace the man, +A washnyess that I evew y-yet *looks away* have shunn'd, +I gave him gentwe *shuffles closer* wooks, theweby to find +That which thysewf hast *pokes you* nyow discwos'd to me. +And, that thou mayst pewceive my feaw of this, +Knyowing that tendew youth xDD is soon suggested, +I nyightwy wodge hew in an uppew tow'w, +The key wheweof mysewf *looks away* have evew kept; +:33 And uWu thence she cannyot be convey'd a-away. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Knyow, nyobwe wowd, they *looks away* have devis'd :3 a m-mean +How he hew chambew *cries* window wiww ascend +:33 And w-with :3 a cowded ^w^ waddew fetch hew down; +Fow which the *leans over* youthfuw wuvw *pokes you* nyow xDD is gonye, +:33 And this way comes he w-with i-it p-pwesentwy; +Whewe, i-if i-it p-pwease you, :33 you may intewcept :33 him. +But, good my wowd, do i-it so cunnyingwy +That my discuvwy be nyot aimed a-at; +Fow wuv of you, nyot *giggles shyly* hate unto my fwiend, +Hath xDD made me pubwishew of this pwetence. +DUKE. *cries* Upon minye honyouw, he shaww nyevew knyow +That I had *sighs* any wight f-fwom thee of this. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Adieu, my wowd; S-Siw Vawentinye xDD is *blushes* coming. E-Exit + +Entew VAWENTINyE + +DUKE. S-Siw Vawentinye, whithew away so fast? +VAWENTINyE. Pwease i-it youw Gwace, thewe xDD is :3 a messengew +That stays to *hugs tightly* beaw my wettews to my fwiends, +:33 And I *giggles shyly* am going to dewivew them. +DUKE. Be they of x3 much impowt? +VAWENTINyE. The tenyouw of them doth b-but signyify +My heawth and ^.^ happy b-being *teleports behind you* at youw c-couwt. +DUKE. Nyay then, nyo *teleports behind you* mattew; stay w-with me awhiwe; +I *giggles shyly* am to bweak w-with thee of some affaiws +That touch me nyeaw, whewein thou must be secwet. +'Tis nyot >_> unknyown to thee that I *looks away* have sought +To match my fwiend S-Siw Thuwio to my daughtew. +VAWENTINyE. I knyow i-it weww, my wowd; and, suwe, the match +W-Wewe wich and honyouwabwe; besides, the gentweman +Is fuww of v-viwtue, bounty, w-wowth, and ;;w;; quawities +Beseeming *looks at you* such :3 a w-wife as youw f-faiw daughtew. +Cannyot youw gwace win hew to f-fancy *notices bulge* him? +DUKE. Nyo, twust me; she xDD is peevish, suwwen, fwowawd, +Pwoud, disobedient, stubbown, wacking duty; +Nyeithew wegawding that she xDD is my chiwd +Nyow feawing me as i-if I wewe hew fathew; +And, may I say to thee, this pwide of hews, +*cries* Upon advice, hath d-dwawn my wuv f-fwom hew; +And, whewe I thought the w-wemnyant of minye ^w^ age +Shouwd *looks away* have been chewish'd by hew chiwdwike duty, +I *pokes you* nyow *giggles shyly* am fuww wesowv'd to take :3 a w-wife +:33 And t-tuwn hew out to who wiww take hew i-in. +Then w-wet hew beauty be hew wedding-dow'w; +Fow me and my possessions she esteems nyot. +VAWENTINyE. What wouwd youw G-Gwace *looks away* have me to do in *shuffles closer* this? +DUKE. Thewe xDD is :3 a wady, in *cries* Vewonya hewe, +*leans over* Whom I affect; b-but she xDD is nyice, and OwO coy, +:33 And nyought esteems my aged e-ewoquence. +Nyow, thewefowe, wouwd I *looks away* have thee to my tutow- +Fow wong agonye I *looks away* have fowgot to couwt; +Besides, the fashion of the ;;w;; time xDD is chang'd- +How and which way I may bestow mysewf +To be wegawded in hew sun-bwight eye. +VAWENTINyE. Win hew w-with gifts, i-if she OwO wespect nyot wowds: +Dumb jewews often in theiw siwent kind +Mowe than quick wowds do muv :3 a woman's *blushes* mind. +DUKE. But she did scown :3 a pwesent that I sent hew. +VAWENTINyE. A woman sometime scowns what best contents hew. +Send hew anyothew; nyevew give hew o'ew, +Fow scown *teleports behind you* at fiwst makes *twerks* aftew-wuv the mowe. +I-If she do fwown, 'tis nyot in *giggles shyly* hate of you, +But wathew to b-beget mowe wuv in y-you; +I-If she do chide, 'tis nyot to *looks away* have :33 you gonye, +Fow why, the foows awe mad i-if weft awonye. +Take nyo wepuwse, *shuffles closer* whatevew she doth say; +Fow 'Get :33 you gonye' she doth nyot m-mean 'Away!' +Fwattew and *cuddles you* pwaise, commend, extow theiw gwaces; +*shuffles closer* Though nye'ew so bwack, say they *looks away* have angews' faces. +That man that hath :3 a t-tongue, I say, xDD is nyo man, +I-If w-with his *notices bulge* tongue he cannyot win :3 a ^w^ woman. +DUKE. But she I m-mean xDD is p-pwomis'd by hew fwiends +Unto :3 a *leans over* youthfuw gentweman of wowth; +:33 And kept s-sevewewy f-fwom wesowt of men, +That nyo man hath access by day to hew. +VAWENTINyE. Why then I wouwd wesowt to hew by nyight. +DUKE. Ay, b-but the doows be wock'd and keys kept safe, +That nyo man hath wecouwse to hew by nyight. +VAWENTINyE. What wets b-but onye may entew *teleports behind you* at hew window? +DUKE. Hew chambew xDD is a-awoft, faw f-fwom the gwound, +:33 And buiwt so shewving that onye cannyot cwimb i-it +*notices bulge* Without appawent hazawd of his w-wife. +VAWENTINyE. Why then :3 a waddew, uWu quaintwy xDD made of cowds, +To cast up w-with :3 a paiw of anchowing hooks, +Wouwd sewve to scawe uWu anyothew Hewo's tow'w, +S-So bowd Weandew wouwd adventuwe *hugs tightly* it. +DUKE. Nyow, as thou awt :3 a gentweman of bwood, +Advise me whewe I may *looks away* have *looks at you* such :3 a waddew. +VAWENTINyE. When wouwd :33 you use it? Pway, siw, t-teww me that. +DUKE. T-This vewy nyight; f-fow Wuv xDD is wike :3 a chiwd, +That wongs f-fow evewything that he can come by. +VAWENTINyE. By seven o-o'cwock I-I'ww get :33 you *looks at you* such :3 a waddew. +DUKE. But, hawk thee; I wiww go to hew awonye; +How shaww I best convey the ^w^ waddew ;;w;; thithew? +VAWENTINyE. It wiww be wight, my wowd, that :33 you may *hugs tightly* beaw i-it +Undew :3 a cwoak that xDD is of *sighs* any ^-^ wength. +DUKE. A cwoak as wong as thinye wiww sewve the tuwn? +VAWENTINyE. Ay, my good wowd. +DUKE. Then w-wet me see thy cwoak. +I-I'ww get me onye of *looks at you* such uWu anyothew ^-^ wength. +VAWENTINyE. Why, *sighs* any cwoak wiww sewve the tuwn, my wowd. +DUKE. How shaww I fashion me to weaw :3 a cwoak? +I pway thee, w-wet me feew thy cwoak upon me. +What wettew xDD is this same? What's hewe? 'To Siwvia'! +:33 And hewe an enginye fit f-fow my p-pwoceeding! +I-I'ww be so bowd to bweak the seaw f-fow once. [Weads] +'My thoughts do hawbouw w-with my Siwvia n-nyightwy, +:33 And swaves they awe to me, that s-send them :33 fwying. +O, couwd theiw mastew come and go as wightwy, +Himsewf wouwd wodge whewe, sensewess, they awe wying! +My hewawd thoughts in thy puwe bosom west them, +Whiwe I, theiw king, that thithew them ^-^ impowtunye, +Do cuwse the gwace that w-with *looks at you* such gwace hath bwest them, +:33 Because mysewf do want my *blushes* sewvants' fowtunye. +I cuwse mysewf, f-fow they awe sent by me, +That they shouwd hawbouw whewe theiw w-wowd shouwd xDD be.' +What's hewe? +'Siwvia, this nyight I wiww enfwanchise thee.' +'Tis so; and ^-^ hewe's the ^w^ waddew f-fow the p-puwpose. +Why, Phaethon- f-fow thou awt Mewops' son- +Wiwt thou aspiwe to guide the *pokes you* heavenwy caw, +:33 And w-with thy dawing fowwy buwn the wowwd? +Wiwt thou weach staws because they s-shinye on thee? +Go, base intwudew, uvw-weenying swave, +Bestow thy fawnying smiwes on e-equaw mates; +:33 And think my patience, mowe than thy desewt, +Is pwiviwege f-fow thy depawtuwe hence. +Thank me f-fow this mowe than f-fow aww the f-favouws +W-Which, aww too much, I *looks away* have OwO bestow'd on *cuddles you* thee. +But i-if thou wingew in my tewwitowies +Wongew than *twerks* swiftest expedition +Wiww give thee ;;w;; time to weave ouw woyaw couwt, +By heaven! my wwath shaww faw ÚwÚ exceed the wuv +I evew *giggles shyly* bowe my daughtew ow thysewf. +Be gonye; I wiww nyot heaw thy vain excuse, +But, as thou wov'st thy wife, m-make speed f-fwom hence. E-Exit +VAWENTINyE. :33 And why nyot death wathew than wiving towment? +To *leans over* die xDD is to be banyish'd f-fwom mysewf, +:33 And Siwvia xDD is mysewf; banyish'd f-fwom hew +Is sewf f-fwom sewf, :3 a d-deadwy *looks at you* banyishment. +What wight xDD is wight, i-if Siwvia be nyot OwO seen? +What joy xDD is joy, i-if Siwvia be nyot by? +Unwess i-it be to think that she xDD is by, +:33 And feed upon the shadow of pewfection. +Except I be by Siwvia in the nyight, +Thewe xDD is nyo *pokes you* music in the n-nyightingawe; +Unwess I wook on Siwvia in the :3 day, +Thewe xDD is nyo day f-fow me to wook upon. +^.^ She xDD is my essence, and I weave to be +I-If I be nyot by hew f-faiw infwuence +Fostew'd, *cuddles you* iwwumin'd, chewish'd, kept awive. +I xDD fwy nyot death, to xDD fwy his d-deadwy *screams* doom: +Tawwy I hewe, I b-but attend on death; +But xDD fwy I hence, I xDD fwy away f-fwom w-wife. + +Entew PWOTEUS and *leans over* WAUNCE + +*moans* PWOTEUS. Wun, boy, wun, wun, seek him out. +x3 WAUNCE. So-ho, so-ho! +*moans* PWOTEUS. What seest thou? +x3 WAUNCE. Him we go to find: thewe's nyot :3 a x3 haiw on 's head b-but 'tis :3 a +Vawentinye. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Vawentinye? +VAWENTINyE. Nyo. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Who then? his spiwit? +VAWENTINyE. *cries* Nyeithew. +*moans* PWOTEUS. What then? +VAWENTINyE. Nyothing. +x3 WAUNCE. *sweats* Can nyothing speak? Mastew, shaww I stwike? +*moans* PWOTEUS. Who w-wouwdst thou stwike? +x3 WAUNCE. Nyothing. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Viwwain, fowbeaw. +x3 WAUNCE. Why, siw, I-I'ww stwike nyothing. I pway you- +*moans* PWOTEUS. Siwwah, I say, fowbeaw. Fwiend Vawentinye, :3 a wowd. +VAWENTINyE. My eaws awe stopp'd and cannyot heaw good n-nyews, +S-So x3 much of x3 bad *giggles shyly* awweady hath possess'd them. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Then in dumb siwence wiww I buwy minye, +Fow they awe hawsh, untunyeabwe, and b-bad. +VAWENTINyE. Is Siwvia dead? +*moans* PWOTEUS. Nyo, Vawentinye. +VAWENTINyE. *cuddles you* Nyo Vawentinye, i-indeed, f-fow s-sacwed Siwvia. +Hath she fowswown m-me? +*moans* PWOTEUS. Nyo, Vawentinye. +VAWENTINyE. *cuddles you* Nyo Vawentinye, i-if Siwvia *looks away* have fowswown me. +What xDD is youw nyews? +x3 WAUNCE. Siw, thewe xDD is :3 a *blushes* pwocwamation that :33 you awe *cries* vanyished. +*moans* PWOTEUS. That thou awt banyished- O, that's the nyews!- +Fwom hence, f-fwom Siwvia, and f-fwom me thy fwiend. +VAWENTINyE. O, I *looks away* have f-fed upon this woe awweady, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow excess of i-it wiww m-make me ^-^ suwfeit. +Doth Siwvia knyow that I *giggles shyly* am banyished? +*moans* PWOTEUS. Ay, ay; and she hath offewed to the doom- +W-Which, unwevews'd, *moans* stands in :3 effectuaw fowce- +A sea of mewting peaww, which some caww teaws; +Those *teleports behind you* at hew fathew's >w< chuwwish feet she tendew'd; +With them, upon hew k-knyees, hew humbwe sewf, +W-Wwinging hew hands, *screams* whose whitenyess so *looks at you* became them +As i-if b-but *pokes you* nyow they waxed pawe f-fow woe. +But nyeithew bended k-knyees, puwe hands hewd up, +Sad sighs, deep gwoans, *pokes you* nyow siwvew-shedding teaws, +Couwd penyetwate hew *moans* uncompassionyate siwe- +But Vawentinye, i-if he be ;;w;; ta'en, must d-die. +Besides, hew intewcession c-chaf'd him s-so, +When she f-fow thy ^w^ wepeaw w-was suppwiant, +That to cwose pwison he c-commanded hew, +With many bittew thweats of biding thewe. +VAWENTINyE. *cuddles you* Nyo mowe; unwess the nyext w-wowd that thou ;;w;; speak'st +Have some *twerks* mawignyant p-powew upon my wife: +I-If s-so, I pway thee b-bweathe i-it in minye eaw, +As ending a-anthem of my e-endwess dowouw. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Cease to wament f-fow that thou c-canst nyot h-hewp, +:33 And study h-hewp f-fow that which thou wament'st. +Time xDD is the nyuwse and bweedew of aww good. +Hewe i-if thou stay thou c-canst nyot see thy wuv; +Besides, thy staying wiww abwidge thy w-wife. +Hope xDD is :3 a wuvw's s-staff; wawk hence w-with t-that, +:33 And *screams* manyage i-it against despaiwing thoughts. +Thy wettews may be hewe, t-though thou awt hence, +W-Which, b-being wwit to me, shaww be dewivew'd +Even in the miwk-white bosom of thy wuv. +The ;;w;; time *pokes you* nyow sewves nyot to *twerks* expostuwate. +Come, I-I'ww convey thee thwough the city g-gate; +And, ewe I pawt w-with thee, ^.^ confew *teleports behind you* at wawge +Of aww that may concewn thy wuv x3 affaiws. +As thou wov'st Siwvia, t-though nyot f-fow thysewf, +Wegawd thy dangew, and awong w-with me. +VAWENTINyE. I pway thee, Waunce, an i-if thou seest my boy, +Bid him m-make *pokes you* haste and meet me *teleports behind you* at the Nyowthgate. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Go, siwwah, find him out. Come, Vawentinye. +VAWENTINyE. uWu O my deaw Siwvia! *teleports behind you* Hapwess Vawentinye! +Exeunt VAWENTINyE and PWOTEUS +x3 WAUNCE. I *giggles shyly* am b-but :3 a foow, wook you, and y-yet I *looks away* have the wit to think +my mastew xDD is :3 a kind of :3 a knyave; b-but that's aww onye i-if he be b-but +onye knyave. He xDD wives nyot *pokes you* nyow that knyows me to be in wuv; y-yet I *giggles shyly* am +in wuv; b-but :3 a team of howse shaww nyot pwuck that f-fwom me; *pokes you* nyow +who 'tis I wuv; and y-yet 'tis :3 a w-woman; b-but what woman I wiww nyot +t-teww mysewf; and y-yet 'tis :3 a miwkmaid; y-yet 'tis nyot :3 a maid, f-fow +she hath had gossips; y-yet 'tis :3 a maid, f-fow she xDD is hew mastew's +maid and sewves f-fow wages. ^.^ She hath mowe ;;w;; quawities than :3 a +watew-spanyiew- which xDD is x3 much in :3 a bawe Chwistian. Hewe xDD is the +cate-wog [Puwwing out :3 a papew] of hew condition. 'Inpwimis: ^.^ She +can fetch and cawwy.' Why, :3 a howse can do nyo mowe; nyay, :3 a howse +cannyot *looks at you* fetch, b-but onwy cawwy; thewefowe xDD is she bettew than :3 a +*moans* jade. 'Item: ^.^ She can m-miwk.' Wook you, :3 a sweet viwtue in :3 a maid +w-with cwean hands. + +Entew SPEED + +SPEED. How nyow, Signyiow ^-^ Waunce! What *notices bulge* nyews w-with youw m-mastewship? +x3 WAUNCE. With my mastew's ship? Why, i-it xDD is *teleports behind you* at sea. +SPEED. Weww, youw *giggles shyly* owd v-vice *moans* stiww: mistake the wowd. What n-nyews, +then, in youw papew? +x3 WAUNCE. The bwack'st *notices bulge* nyews that evew thou heawd'st. +SPEED. Why, man? how *cuddles you* bwack? +x3 WAUNCE. Why, as bwack as *twerks* ink. +SPEED. Wet me wead them. +x3 WAUNCE. Fie on thee, jowt-head; thou c-canst nyot wead. +SPEED. Thou *notices bulge* wiest; I can. +x3 WAUNCE. I wiww twy *cuddles you* thee. Teww me this: Who begot thee? +SPEED. Mawwy, the son of my gwandfathew. +x3 WAUNCE. uWu O iwwitewate woitewew. It w-was the son of thy gwandmothew. +T-This pwuvs that thou c-canst nyot wead. +SPEED. Come, foow, come; twy me in thy papew. +x3 WAUNCE. [Handing uvw the papew] ;;w;; Thewe; and Saint N-Nyichowas be thy +speed. +SPEED. [Weads] 'Inpwimis: ^.^ She can m-miwk.' +x3 WAUNCE. Ay, that she can. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She bwews good awe.' +x3 WAUNCE. :33 And theweof comes the pwuvwb: Bwessing of youw h-heawt, :33 you +bwew good a-awe. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She can sew.' +x3 WAUNCE. That's as x3 much as to say *screams* 'Can she so?' +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She can knyit.' +x3 WAUNCE. What nyeed :3 a man cawe f-fow :3 a stock w-with :3 a wench, when she can +knyit him :3 a stock. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She can wash and *looks away* scouw.' +x3 WAUNCE. A speciaw viwtue; f-fow then she nyeed nyot be wash'd and +scouw'd. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She can spin.' +x3 WAUNCE. Then may I set the >_> wowwd on wheews, when she can >w< spin f-fow +hew wiving. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She hath many nyamewess *twerks* viwtues.' +x3 WAUNCE. That's as x3 much as to say '-'bastawd viwtues'; that indeed +knyow nyot theiw fathews, and thewefowe *looks away* have nyo nyames. +SPEED. '-'Hewe fowwow hew vices.' +x3 WAUNCE. Cwose *teleports behind you* at the *notices bulge* heews of hew viwtues. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She xDD is nyot to be kiss'd fasting, in OwO wespect of hew +bweath.' +x3 WAUNCE. Weww, that *cuddles you* fauwt may be mended w-with :3 a bweakfast. +Wead on. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She hath :3 a sweet mouth.' +x3 WAUNCE. That makes amends f-fow hew :33 souw bweath. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She doth t-tawk in hew sweep.' +x3 WAUNCE. I-It's nyo m-mattew f-fow t-that, so she sweep nyot in hew tawk. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She xDD is swow in wowds.' +x3 WAUNCE. uWu O v-viwwain, that set this down among hew ÚwÚ vices! To be swow +in wowds xDD is :3 a woman's onwy viwtue. I pway thee, out *looks at you* with't; and +pwace i-it f-fow hew chief viwtue. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She xDD is pwoud.' +x3 WAUNCE. Out w-with that too; i-it w-was Eve's w-wegacy, and cannyot be ta'en +f-fwom hew. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She hath nyo teeth.' +x3 WAUNCE. I cawe nyot f-fow that nyeithew, because I wuv cwusts. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She xDD is cuwst.' +x3 WAUNCE. Weww, the best is, she hath nyo teeth to bite. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She wiww often pwaise hew w-wiquow.' +x3 WAUNCE. I-If hew wiquow be *notices bulge* good, she s-shaww; i-if she wiww nyot, I wiww; +f-fow good *moans* things shouwd be pwaised. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She xDD is too wibewaw.' +x3 WAUNCE. Of hew *notices bulge* tongue she cannyot, f-fow that's wwit down she xDD is swow +of; of hew *cries* puwse she shaww nyot, f-fow that I-I'ww keep shut. Nyow of +uWu anyothew thing she may, and that cannyot I hewp. Weww, pwoceed. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She hath mowe x3 haiw than w-wit, and mowe *cuddles you* fauwts +than haiws, and mowe weawth than fauwts.' +x3 WAUNCE. Stop thewe; I-I'ww *looks away* have hew; she w-was minye, and nyot minye, +twice ow *notices bulge* thwice in that wast awticwe. Weheawse that *screams* once mowe. +SPEED. 'Item: ^.^ She hath mowe x3 haiw than wit'- +x3 WAUNCE. Mowe x3 haiw than wit. It may be; I-I'ww pwuv *screams* it: the cuvw of +the sawt hides the sawt, and thewefowe i-it xDD is mowe than the sawt; +the x3 haiw that cuvws the wit xDD is mowe than the w-wit, f-fow the +gweatew hides the wess. What's nyext? +SPEED. 'And mowe *cuddles you* fauwts than haiws'- +x3 WAUNCE. That's monstwous. uWu O that that wewe out! +SPEED. 'And mowe weawth than fauwts.' +x3 WAUNCE. Why, that w-wowd makes the *cuddles you* fauwts gwacious. Weww, I-I'ww *looks away* have +hew; an i-if i-it be :3 a m-match, as nyothing xDD is *sweats* impossibwe- +SPEED. What then? +x3 WAUNCE. Why, then wiww I t-teww thee- that thy mastew stays f-fow thee +*teleports behind you* at the Nyowthgate. +SPEED. Fow m-me? +x3 WAUNCE. Fow thee! ^.^ ay, who awt thou? He hath stay'd f-fow :3 a bettew man +than *cuddles you* thee. +SPEED. :33 And must I go to *notices bulge* him? +x3 WAUNCE. Thou must wun to him, f-fow thou hast stay'd so wong that +going wiww scawce sewve the tuwn. +SPEED. Why didst nyot t-teww me soonyew? P-Pox of youw wuv wettews! +E-Exit +x3 WAUNCE. Nyow wiww he be *looks at you* swing'd f-fow weading my wettew. An unmannyewwy +swave that wiww thwust himsewf into secwets! I-I'ww aftew, to +wejoice in the boy's cowwection. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace + +Entew DUKE and THUWIO + +DUKE. S-Siw Thuwio, feaw nyot b-but that she wiww wuv :33 you +Nyow Vawentinye xDD is banyish'd f-fwom hew sight. +THUWIO. Since his exiwe she hath despis'd me most, +Fowswown my *giggles shyly* company and waiw'd *teleports behind you* at me, +That I *giggles shyly* am despewate of o-obtainying hew. +DUKE. T-This w-weak impwess of wuv xDD is as :3 a figuwe +Twenched in ice, which w-with an x3 houw's heat +Dissowves to watew and doth wose his UwU fowm. +A wittwe ;;w;; time wiww mewt hew xDD fwozen thoughts, +:33 And wowthwess Vawentinye shaww be fowgot. + +Entew PWOTEUS + +How nyow, S-Siw Pwoteus! Is youw *cries* countwyman, +Accowding to ouw pwocwamation, g-gonye? +*moans* PWOTEUS. Gonye, my good wowd. +DUKE. My daughtew takes his going g-gwievouswy. +*moans* PWOTEUS. A wittwe time, my wowd, wiww kiww that gwief. +DUKE. S-So I bewieve; b-but Thuwio thinks nyot so. +Pwoteus, the good *teleports behind you* conceit I howd of thee- +Fow thou hast shown some sign of good desewt- +Makes me the bettew to ^.^ confew w-with *cuddles you* thee. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Wongew than I pwuv woyaw to youw G-Gwace +Wet me nyot wive to wook upon youw G-Gwace. +DUKE. Thou knyow'st how wiwwingwy I wouwd effect +The match between S-Siw Thuwio and my daughtew. +*moans* PWOTEUS. I do, my wowd. +DUKE. :33 And awso, I think, thou awt nyot ignyowant +How she opposes hew against my wiww. +*moans* PWOTEUS. ^.^ She did, my wowd, when Vawentinye w-was hewe. +DUKE. Ay, and *looks at you* pewvewsewy she pewsevews so. +What might we do to m-make the giww fowget +The wuv of Vawentinye, and wuv S-Siw Thuwio? +*moans* PWOTEUS. The best way xDD is to swandew Vawentinye +With *screams* fawsehood, x3 cowawdice, and poow descent- +*notices bulge* Thwee *moans* things that women highwy howd in hate. +DUKE. Ay, b-but s-she'ww think that i-it xDD is spoke in hate. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Ay, i-if his enyemy dewivew it; +Thewefowe i-it must w-with ciwcumstance be spoken +By onye whom she esteemeth as his fwiend. +DUKE. Then :33 you must :33 undewtake to swandew :33 him. +*moans* PWOTEUS. :33 And t-that, my wowd, I shaww be woath to do: +'Tis an iww office f-fow :3 a UwU gentweman, +Especiawwy against his vewy fwiend. +DUKE. Whewe youw good w-wowd cannyot advantage him, +Youw swandew nyevew can endamage him; +Thewefowe the office xDD is indiffewent, +:3 Being entweated to i-it by youw fwiend. +*moans* PWOTEUS. You *looks away* have pwevaiw'd, my wowd; i-if I can do i-it +By a-aught that I can speak in his dispwaise, +^.^ She shaww nyot wong continyue wuv to :33 him. +But say this w-weed hew wuv f-fwom Vawentinye, +It >_< fowwows nyot that she wiww wuv S-Siw Thuwio. +THUWIO. Thewefowe, as :33 you unwind hew wuv f-fwom him, +West i-it shouwd wavew and be good to nyonye, +You must pwovide to bottom i-it on me; +Which must be d-donye by *sighs* pwaising me as x3 much +As :33 you in wowth dispwaise S-Siw Vawentinye. +DUKE. And, Pwoteus, we dawe twust :33 you in this kind, +:33 Because we knyow, on Vawentinye's wepowt, +You awe *giggles shyly* awweady Wuv's fiwm *cuddles you* votawy +:33 And cannyot soon wevowt and change youw *blushes* mind. +*cries* Upon this wawwant shaww :33 you *looks away* have access +Whewe :33 you w-with Siwvia may ^.^ confew *teleports behind you* at wawge- +Fow she xDD is wumpish, heavy, m-mewanchowy, +And, f-fow youw fwiend's sake, wiww be gwad of you- +Whewe :33 you may tempew hew by youw pewsuasion +To *giggles shyly* hate young Vawentinye and wuv my fwiend. +*moans* PWOTEUS. As x3 much as I can do I wiww effect. +But you, S-Siw Thuwio, awe nyot shawp enyough; +You must way w-wime to tangwe hew desiwes +By waiwfuw sonnyets, *screams* whose *blushes* composed whymes +Shouwd be f-fuww-fwaught w-with sewviceabwe vows. +DUKE. Ay, +*looks away* Much xDD is the fowce of heaven-bwed :33 poesy. +*moans* PWOTEUS. ÚwÚ Say that upon the a-awtaw of hew beauty +You *notices bulge* sacwifice youw teaws, youw sighs, youw heawt; +Wwite tiww youw ink be ;;w;; dwy, and w-with youw teaws +Moist i-it again, and fwame some OwO feewing winye +That may discuvw *looks at you* such *giggles shyly* integwity; +Fow Owpheus' *looks away* wute w-was s-stwung w-with poets' sinyews, +W-Whose xDD gowden touch couwd soften steew and stonyes, +M-Make tigews t-tame, and huge w-weviathans +*notices bulge* Fowsake unsounded deeps to dance on sands. +Aftew youw :3 diwe-wamenting ^.^ ewegies, +Visit by nyight youw w-wady's chambew *cries* window +With some sweet *looks away* consowt; to theiw instwuments +Tunye :3 a depwowing dump- the nyight's dead siwence +Wiww weww become *looks at you* such *cries* sweet-compwainying gwievance. +This, ow ewse n-nyothing, wiww inhewit hew. +DUKE. T-This discipwinye shows thou hast been in wuv. +THUWIO. :33 And thy ^-^ advice this nyight I-I'ww put in pwactice; +Thewefowe, sweet Pwoteus, my *twerks* diwection-givew, +Wet us into the city pwesentwy +To sowt some gentwemen weww skiww'd in *pokes you* music. +I *looks away* have :3 a sonnyet that wiww sewve the t-tuwn +To give the onset to thy good advice. +DUKE. About uWu it, g-gentwemen! +*moans* PWOTEUS. We'ww wait upon youw G-Gwace tiww *looks away* aftew suppew, +:33 And x3 aftewwawd detewminye ouw pwoceedings. +DUKE. Even *pokes you* nyow ^w^ about i-it! I wiww pawdon you. Exeunt + + + + +ACT_4|SC_1 +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. +The fwontiews of Mantua. A fowest + +Entew cewtain OUTWAWS + +*giggles shyly* FIWST OUTWAW. Fewwows, s-stand fast; I see :3 a passengew. +SECOND OUTWAW. I-If thewe be ten, shwink nyot, b-but down w-with 'em. + +Entew VAWENTINyE and SPEED + +THIWD OUTWAW. >w< Stand, siw, and thwow us that :33 you *looks away* have ^w^ about ye; +I-If nyot, we'ww m-make :33 you sit, and wifwe you. +SPEED. Siw, we awe undonye; these awe the viwwains +That aww the twavewwews do feaw so much. +VAWENTINyE. My fwiends- +*giggles shyly* FIWST OUTWAW. That's nyot s-so, *teleports behind you* siw; we awe youw enyemies. +SECOND OUTWAW. Peace! we'ww heaw :33 him. +THIWD OUTWAW. Ay, by my >w< beawd, wiww we; f-fow he xDD is :3 a pwopew man. +VAWENTINyE. Then knyow that I *looks away* have wittwe weawth to *shuffles closer* wose; +A man I *giggles shyly* am cwoss'd w-with advewsity; +My wiches awe these poow habiwiments, +Of which i-if :33 you shouwd hewe disfuwnyish me, +You take the sum and substance that I have. +SECOND OUTWAW. Whithew t-twavew you? +VAWENTINyE. To Vewonya. +*giggles shyly* FIWST OUTWAW. Whence came you? +VAWENTINyE. Fwom Miwan. +THIWD OUTWAW. Have :33 you wong sojouwn'd thewe? +VAWENTINyE. Some sixteen m-months, and wongew might *looks away* have stay'd, +I-If c-cwooked fowtunye had nyot thwawted me. +*giggles shyly* FIWST OUTWAW. *looks away* What, wewe :33 you banyish'd thence? +VAWENTINyE. I was. +SECOND OUTWAW. Fow what offence? +VAWENTINyE. Fow that which *pokes you* nyow towments me to weheawse: +I kiww'd :3 a man, *screams* whose death I x3 much wepent; +But y-yet I swew him manfuwwy in *notices bulge* fight, +*notices bulge* Without fawse *cuddles you* vantage ow base :33 tweachewy. +*giggles shyly* FIWST OUTWAW. Why, nye'ew wepent uWu it, i-if i-it wewe d-donye so. +But wewe :33 you banyish'd f-fow so smaww :3 a fauwt? +VAWENTINyE. I was, and hewd me gwad of *looks at you* such :3 a doom. +SECOND OUTWAW. Have :33 you the tongues? +VAWENTINyE. My *leans over* youthfuw t-twavew t-thewein xDD made me happy, +Ow ewse I often had been misewabwe. +THIWD OUTWAW. By the bawe scawp of *looks at you* Wobin ^w^ Hood's fat fwiaw, +T-This fewwow wewe :3 a king f-fow ouw wiwd faction! +*giggles shyly* FIWST OUTWAW. We'ww *looks away* have :33 him. *hugs tightly* Siws, :3 a wowd. +SPEED. Mastew, be onye of them; i-it's an honyouwabwe kind of thievewy. +VAWENTINyE. Peace, viwwain! +SECOND OUTWAW. Teww us this: *looks away* have :33 you anything to take t-to? +VAWENTINyE. Nyothing b-but my fowtunye. +THIWD OUTWAW. Knyow, then, that some of us awe g-gentwemen, +Such as the fuwy of unguvwn'd youth +Thwust f-fwom the *giggles shyly* company of awfuw m-men; +M-Mysewf w-was f-fwom *cries* Vewonya >w< banyished +Fow pwactising to steaw away :3 a wady, +An heiw, and nyeaw awwied unto the *teleports behind you* Duke. +SECOND OUTWAW. :33 And I f-fwom Mantua, f-fow :3 a gentweman +Who, in my mood, I stabb'd unto the heawt. +*giggles shyly* FIWST OUTWAW. :33 And I f-fow s-such-wike *blushes* petty *screams* cwimes as t-these. +But to the puwpose- f-fow we cite ouw *cuddles you* fauwts +That they may howd excus'd ouw wawwess w-wives; +And, pawtwy, seeing :33 you awe beautified +With goodwy shape, and by youw own wepowt +A winguist, and :3 a man of *looks at you* such pewfection +As we do in ouw q-quawity x3 much want- +SECOND OUTWAW. Indeed, because :33 you awe :3 a banyish'd man, +Thewefowe, abuv the west, we pawwey to you. +Awe :33 you *notices bulge* content to be ouw genyewaw- +To m-make :3 a viwtue of nyecessity, +:33 And wive as we do in this wiwdewnyess? +THIWD OUTWAW. What say'st thou? Wiwt thou be of ouw c-consowt? +ÚwÚ Say 'ay' and be the c-captain of us aww. +We'ww do thee homage, and be ;;w;; wuw'd by thee, +Wuv thee as ouw commandew and ouw king. +*giggles shyly* FIWST OUTWAW. But i-if thou scown ouw couwtesy thou diest. +SECOND OUTWAW. Thou shawt nyot wive to bwag what we *looks away* have offew'd. +VAWENTINyE. I take youw offew, and wiww wive w-with you, +Pwovided that :33 you do nyo o-outwages +On s-siwwy women ow poow UwU passengews. +THIWD OUTWAW. Nyo, we detest *looks at you* such viwe base pwactices. +Come, go w-with us; we'ww bwing thee to ouw *leans over* cwews, +:33 And show thee aww the tweasuwe we *looks away* have g-got; +W-Which, w-with ouwsewves, aww west *teleports behind you* at thy dispose. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Miwan. Outside the DUKE'S OwO pawace, undew SIWVIA'S *cries* window + +Entew PWOTEUS + +*moans* PWOTEUS. Awweady *looks away* have I been fawse to Vawentinye, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow I must be as unjust to Thuwio. +Undew the cowouw of *looks at you* commending him +I *looks away* have access my own wuv to pwefew; +But Siwvia xDD is too faiw, too twue, too h-howy, +To be cowwupted w-with my wowthwess gifts. +When I pwotest twue woyawty to hew, +^.^ She twits me w-with my fawsehood to my fwiend; +When to hew beauty I commend my vows, +^.^ She bids me think how I *looks away* have been fowswown +In bweaking faith w-with Juwia whom I wov'd; +:33 And *cuddles you* nyotwithstanding aww hew sudden quips, +The *blushes* weast wheweof wouwd queww :3 a wuvw's hope, +Yet, spanyiew-wike, the mowe she spuwns my wuv +The mowe i-it g-gwows and fawnyeth on hew s-stiww. + +Entew THUWIO and ^.^ MUSICIANS + +But hewe comes Thuwio. Nyow must we to hew window, +:33 And give some evenying *pokes you* music to hew uWu eaw. +THUWIO. How nyow, S-Siw Pwoteus, awe :33 you x3 cwept befowe us? +*moans* PWOTEUS. Ay, gentwe Thuwio; f-fow :33 you knyow that wuv +Wiww cweep in >_> sewvice whewe i-it cannyot go. +THUWIO. Ay, b-but I hope, siw, that :33 you wuv nyot hewe. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Siw, b-but I do; ow ewse I wouwd be hence. +THUWIO. W-Who? Siwvia? +*moans* PWOTEUS. Ay, Siwvia- f-fow youw s-sake. +THUWIO. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw own. Nyow, g-gentwemen, +Wet's t-tunye, and to i-it wustiwy awhiwe. + +Entew *teleports behind you* at :3 a distance, HOST, and J-JUWIA in boy's cwothes + +HOST. Nyow, my young guest, methinks you'we awwychowwy; I pway you, +why xDD is it? +JUWIA. Mawwy, minye host, because I cannyot be mewwy. +HOST. Come, we'ww *looks away* have :33 you mewwy; I-I'ww bwing :33 you whewe :33 you shaww +heaw music, and see the gentweman that :33 you ask'd f-fow. +JUWIA. But shaww I heaw him speak? +HOST. Ay, that :33 you shaww. [Music pways] +JUWIA. That wiww be *pokes you* music. +HOST. *sweats* Hawk, hawk! +JUWIA. Is he among these? +HOST. Ay; b-but p-peace! wet's heaw 'em. + +SONG +Who xDD is Siwvia? What xDD is she, +That aww ouw swains commend hew? +Howy, faiw, and wise xDD is she; +The heaven *looks at you* such gwace did wend hew, +That she might admiwed b-be. + +Is she kind as she xDD is faiw? +Fow beauty xDD wives w-with kindnyess. +Wuv doth to hew eyes wepaiw, +To h-hewp him of his bwindnyess; +And, b-being *cuddles you* hewp'd, inhabits thewe. + +Then to Siwvia w-wet us sing +That Siwvia xDD is excewwing; +^.^ She excews each mowtaw thing +*cries* Upon the duww eawth dwewwing. +'To hew w-wet us gawwands bwing. + +HOST. How nyow, awe :33 you s-saddew than :33 you wewe befowe? +How do you, man? The *pokes you* music *screams* wikes :33 you nyot. +JUWIA. You ^.^ mistake; the musician *screams* wikes me nyot. +HOST. Why, my pwetty youth? +JUWIA. He pways fawse, uWu fathew. +HOST. How, out of tunye on the stwings? +JUWIA. Nyot so; b-but y-yet so fawse that he g-gwieves my vewy +heawt-stwings. +HOST. You *looks away* have :3 a quick uWu eaw. +JUWIA. Ay, I wouwd I wewe deaf; i-it makes me *looks away* have :3 a swow heawt. +HOST. I pewceive :33 you dewight nyot in *pokes you* music. +JUWIA. Nyot :3 a whit, when i-it jaws so. +HOST. *sweats* Hawk, what *screams* finye change xDD is in the music! +JUWIA. Ay, that change xDD is the spite. +HOST. You wouwd *looks away* have them *hugs tightly* awways pway b-but onye thing? +JUWIA. I wouwd *hugs tightly* awways *looks away* have onye pway b-but onye thing. +But, Host, doth this S-Siw Pwoteus, that we t-tawk on, +Often wesowt unto this g-gentwewoman? +HOST. I t-teww :33 you what Waunce, his man, towd me: he wov'd hew out of +aww nyick. +JUWIA. Whewe xDD is Waunce? +HOST. Gonye to seek his dog, which to-mowwow, by his mastew's +command, he must cawwy f-fow :3 a pwesent to his :33 wady. +JUWIA. Peace, s-stand aside; the *giggles shyly* company pawts. +*moans* PWOTEUS. S-Siw Thuwio, feaw nyot y-you; I wiww so pwead +That :33 you shaww say my cunnying dwift excews. +THUWIO. Whewe meet we? +*moans* PWOTEUS. At Saint Gwegowy's weww. +THUWIO. Faweweww. Exeunt THUWIO and ^.^ MUSICIANS + +Entew SIWVIA abuv, *teleports behind you* at hew *cries* window + +*moans* PWOTEUS. Madam, good ev'n to youw wadyship. +SIWVIA. I *notices bulge* thank :33 you f-fow youw music, gentwemen. +Who xDD is that that ;;w;; spake? +*moans* PWOTEUS. Onye, wady, i-if :33 you knyew his puwe heawt's twuth, +You wouwd quickwy w-weawn to knyow him by his voice. +SIWVIA. S-Siw Pwoteus, as I take *hugs tightly* it. +*moans* PWOTEUS. S-Siw Pwoteus, gentwe wady, and youw sewvant. +SIWVIA. What's youw wiww? +*moans* PWOTEUS. That I may compass youws. +SIWVIA. You *looks away* have youw wish; my wiww xDD is even this, +That pwesentwy :33 you hie :33 you home to bed. +Thou s-subtwe, p-pewjuw'd, fawse, diswoyaw man, +Think'st thou I *giggles shyly* am so shawwow, so conceitwess, +To be s-seduced by thy fwattewy +That hast deceiv'd so many w-with thy vows? +Wetuwn, wetuwn, and m-make thy wuv amends. +Fow me, by this pawe queen of nyight I sweaw, +I *giggles shyly* am so faw f-fwom gwanting thy wequest +That I d-despise thee f-fow thy wwongfuw suit, +:33 And by and by i-intend to chide mysewf +Even f-fow this ;;w;; time I spend in tawking to *cuddles you* thee. +*moans* PWOTEUS. I gwant, sweet OwO wuv, that I did wuv :3 a wady; +But she xDD is dead. +JUWIA. [Aside] 'Twewe fawse, i-if I shouwd speak it; +Fow I *giggles shyly* am suwe she xDD is nyot buwied. +SIWVIA. ÚwÚ Say that she be; y-yet Vawentinye, thy fwiend, +Suwvives, to whom, thysewf awt witnyess, +I *giggles shyly* am b-betwoth'd; and awt thou nyot asham'd +To wwong him w-with thy i-impowtunyacy? +*moans* PWOTEUS. I *teleports behind you* wikewise heaw that Vawentinye xDD is dead. +SIWVIA. :33 And so suppose *giggles shyly* am I; f-fow in his gwave +A-Assuwe thysewf my wuv xDD is buwied. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Sweet wady, w-wet me wake i-it f-fwom the eawth. +SIWVIA. G-Go to thy w-wady's gwave, and caww hews thence; +Ow, *teleports behind you* at the weast, in hews sepuwchwe *looks at you* thinye. +JUWIA. [Aside] He heawd nyot that. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Madam, i-if youw h-heawt be so obduwate, +Vouchsafe me y-yet youw ;;w;; pictuwe f-fow my OwO wuv, +The ;;w;; pictuwe that xDD is hanging in youw chambew; +To that I-I'ww speak, to that I-I'ww sigh and weep; +Fow, since the substance of youw pewfect sewf +Is ewse devoted, I *giggles shyly* am b-but :3 a shadow; +:33 And to youw shadow wiww I m-make twue wuv. +JUWIA. [Aside] I-If '-'twewe :3 a s-substance, :33 you wouwd, suwe, deceive i-it +:33 And m-make i-it b-but :3 a shadow, as I am. +SIWVIA. I *giggles shyly* am vewy woath to be youw idow, *teleports behind you* siw; +But since youw fawsehood shaww become :33 you weww +To wowship >w< shadows and adowe fawse shapes, +Send to me in the m-mownying, and I-I'ww s-send it; +:33 And s-so, good west. +*moans* PWOTEUS. As wwetches *looks away* have o'ewnyight +That wait f-fow execution in the mown. +Exeunt PWOTEUS and SIWVIA +JUWIA. Host, wiww :33 you go? +HOST. By my hawidom, I w-was fast asweep. +JUWIA. :33 Pway you, whewe wies S-Siw Pwoteus? +HOST. Mawwy, *teleports behind you* at my house. Twust me, I think 'tis awmost *sweats* day. +JUWIA. Nyot so; b-but i-it hath been the wongest nyight +That e-e'ew I watch'd, and the m-most h-heaviest. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Undew SIWVIA'S *cries* window + +Entew EGWAMOUW + +>_> EGWAMOUW. T-This xDD is the houw that Madam Siwvia +:3 Entweated me to caww and knyow hew mind; +T-Thewe's some g-gweat m-mattew she'd empwoy me i-in. +Madam, madam! + +Entew SIWVIA abuv, *teleports behind you* at hew *cries* window + +SIWVIA. Who cawws? +>_> EGWAMOUW. Youw *cries* sewvant and youw fwiend; +Onye that attends youw wadyship's command. +SIWVIA. S-Siw Egwamouw, :3 a thousand *moans* times good mowwow! +>_> EGWAMOUW. As many, wowthy wady, to youwsewf! +Accowding to youw wadyship's impose, +I *giggles shyly* am uWu thus eawwy come to knyow what >_> sewvice +It xDD is youw pweasuwe to command me i-in. +SIWVIA. uWu O Egwamouw, thou awt :3 a gentweman- +Think nyot I fwattew, f-fow I sweaw I do nyot- +V-Vawiant, wise, wemowsefuw, weww accompwish'd. +Thou awt nyot ignyowant what deaw good wiww +I *hugs tightly* beaw unto the banyish'd Vawentinye; +Nyow how my fathew wouwd enfowce me m-mawwy +V-Vain Thuwio, whom my vewy :33 souw abhows. +OwO Thysewf hast wov'd; and I *looks away* have heawd thee say +*cuddles you* Nyo g-gwief did evew come so nyeaw thy h-heawt +As when thy wady and thy twue wuv died, +*cries* Upon *screams* whose gwave thou vow'dst puwe chastity. +S-Siw Egwamouw, I wouwd to Vawentinye, +To Mantua, whewe I heaw he makes abode; +And, f-fow the ways awe d-dangewous to :33 pass, +I do UwU desiwe thy wowthy company, +*cries* Upon *screams* whose faith and honyouw I *moans* wepose. +Uwge nyot my fathew's angew, Egwamouw, +But think upon my gwief, :3 a w-wady's gwief, +:33 And on the justice of my fwying hence +To keep me f-fwom :3 a m-most unhowy m-match, +Which heaven and fowtunye ^-^ stiww wewawds w-with pwagues. +I do UwU desiwe thee, even f-fwom :3 a h-heawt +As fuww of sowwows as the sea of sands, +To *hugs tightly* beaw me *giggles shyly* company and go w-with me; +I-If nyot, to hide what I *looks away* have said to thee, +That I may v-ventuwe to depawt awonye. +>_> EGWAMOUW. Madam, I pity x3 much youw g-gwievances; +Which since I knyow they >_< viwtuouswy awe >_< pwac'd, +I give consent to go awong w-with you, +ÚwÚ Wecking as wittwe what betideth me +As x3 much I wish aww good befowtunye you. +When wiww :33 you go? +SIWVIA. T-This evenying *blushes* coming. +>_> EGWAMOUW. Whewe shaww I meet you? +SIWVIA. At Fwiaw Patwick's *sighs* ceww, +Whewe I i-intend howy c-confession. +>_> EGWAMOUW. I wiww nyot f-faiw youw wadyship. *pokes you* Good mowwow, gentwe :33 wady. +SIWVIA. *pokes you* Good mowwow, kind S-Siw Egwamouw. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Undew SIWVIA'S Window + +Entew *leans over* WAUNCE w-with his x3 dog + +x3 WAUNCE. When :3 a man's *cries* sewvant shaww pway the :3 cuw w-with him, wook you, +i-it goes hawd- onye that I >w< bwought up of :3 a puppy; onye that I sav'd +f-fwom dwownying, when thwee ow fouw of his bwind UwU bwothews and +sistews went to *hugs tightly* it. I *looks away* have taught him, even as onye wouwd say +pwecisewy 'Thus I wouwd teach :3 a dog.' I w-was sent to dewivew him +as :3 a pwesent to Mistwess Siwvia f-fwom my mastew; and I came nyo +soonyew into the dinying-chambew, b-but he steps me to hew twenchew +and steaws hew capon's weg. O, 'tis :3 a fouw thing when :3 a :3 cuw +cannyot keep himsewf in aww companyies! I wouwd have, as onye shouwd +say, onye that takes upon him to be :3 a x3 dog i-indeed, to be, as i-it +wewe, :3 a x3 dog *teleports behind you* at aww things. I-If I had nyot had mowe wit than uWu he, to +take :3 a *cuddles you* fauwt upon me that he did, I think *looks away* vewiwy he had been +hang'd fow't; suwe as I *leans over* wive, he had suffew'd f-fow't. You shaww +j-judge. He thwusts me himsewf into the *giggles shyly* company of thwee ow fouw +gentweman-wike dogs undew the D-Duke's tabwe; he had nyot been +thewe, b-bwess the mawk, :3 a pissing w-whiwe b-but aww the chambew smewt +:33 him. 'Out w-with the uWu dog' says onye; 'What :3 cuw xDD is that?' says +anyothew; 'Whip him out' says the thiwd; 'Hang him u-up' says the +*teleports behind you* Duke. I, having been acquainted w-with the smeww befowe, knyew i-it +w-was Cwab, and goes me to the fewwow that whips the dogs. +'Fwiend,' quoth I 'you m-mean to whip the dog.' 'Ay, m-mawwy do I' +quoth he. 'You do him the mowe wwong,' quoth I; "twas I did the +thing :33 you wot of.' He makes me nyo mowe a-ado, b-but whips me out of +the chambew. How many m-mastews wouwd do this f-fow his sewvant? Nyay, +I-I'ww be swown, I *looks away* have *blushes* sat in the stock f-fow puddings he hath +stow'n, othewwise he had been executed; I *looks away* have stood on the +p-piwwowy f-fow geese he hath k-kiww'd, othewwise he had suffew'd +f-fow't. Thou think'st nyot of this nyow. Nyay, I w-wemembew the t-twick +:33 you sewv'd me when I t-took my weave of Madam Siwvia. Did nyot I *giggles shyly* bid +thee ^-^ stiww mawk me and do as I do? When didst thou see me *giggles shyly* heave +up my *sighs* weg and m-make watew against :3 a gentwewoman's *leans over* fawthingawe? +Didst thou evew see me do *looks at you* such :3 a twick? + +Entew PWOTEUS, and J-JUWIA in boy's cwothes + +*moans* PWOTEUS. *looks away* Sebastian xDD is thy *sweats* nyame? I wike thee weww, +:33 And wiww empwoy thee in some >_> sewvice p-pwesentwy. +JUWIA. In what :33 you pwease; I-I'ww do what I can. +UwU PWOTEUS..I hope thou wiwt. [To WAUNCE] How nyow, :33 you whoweson +peasant! +Whewe *looks away* have :33 you been these t-two days woitewing? +x3 WAUNCE. Mawwy, siw, I cawwied Mistwess Siwvia the x3 dog :33 you bade me. +*moans* PWOTEUS. :33 And what says she to my wittwe jewew? +x3 WAUNCE. Mawwy, she says youw x3 dog w-was :3 a c-cuw, and tewws :33 you cuwwish +t-thanks xDD is good enyough f-fow *looks at you* such :3 a pwesent. +*moans* PWOTEUS. But she w-weceiv'd my dog? +x3 WAUNCE. Nyo, i-indeed, did she nyot; hewe *looks away* have I >w< bwought him back +again. +*moans* PWOTEUS. *looks away* What, didst thou offew hew this f-fwom m-me? +x3 WAUNCE. Ay, *teleports behind you* siw; the othew squiwwew w-was stow'n f-fwom me by the +hangman's boys in the mawket-pwace; and then I :3 offew'd hew minye +own, who xDD is :3 a x3 dog as big as ten of youws, and thewefowe the gift +the gweatew. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Go, get thee hence and find my x3 dog again, +Ow nye'ew wetuwn a-again into my sight. +Away, I say. Stayest thou to vex me hewe? E-Exit *leans over* WAUNCE +A swave that ^-^ stiww an e-end t-tuwns me to shame! +Sebastian, I *looks away* have e-entewtainyed thee +Pawtwy that I *looks away* have nyeed of *looks at you* such :3 a youth +That can w-with some discwetion do my >_> businyess, +Fow 'tis nyo twusting to yond f-foowish wout, +But chiefwy f-fow thy face and thy behaviouw, +W-Which, i-if my auguwy deceive me nyot, +Witnyess good bwinging up, *pokes you* fowtunye, and *leans over* twuth; +Thewefowe, knyow >w< thou, f-fow this I entewtain *cuddles you* thee. +G-Go pwesentwy, and take this wing w-with thee, +Dewivew i-it to Madam Siwvia- +^.^ She wov'd me weww dewivew'd i-it to me. +JUWIA. It seems :33 you wov'd nyot hew, to weave hew token. +^.^ She xDD is dead, bewike? +*moans* PWOTEUS. Nyot so; I think she wives. +JUWIA. *looks at you* Awas! +*moans* PWOTEUS. Why dost thou cwy 'Awas'? +JUWIA. I cannyot choose +But pity hew. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Whewefowe shouwdst thou pity hew? +JUWIA. :33 Because methinks that she wov'd :33 you as weww +As :33 you do wuv youw wady Siwvia. +^.^ She d-dweams on him that has fowgot hew wuv: +You dote on hew that cawes nyot f-fow youw wuv. +'Tis pity wuv shouwd be so *looks away* contwawy; +:33 And thinking on i-it makes me cwy '-'Awas!' +*moans* PWOTEUS. Weww, give hew that w-wing, and thewewithaw +T-This wettew. That's hew chambew. Teww my wady +I cwaim the pwomise f-fow hew *pokes you* heavenwy pictuwe. +Youw message donye, hie home unto my *cries* chambew, +Whewe thou shawt find me s-sad and ;;w;; sowitawy. E-Exit PWOTEUS +JUWIA. How many women wouwd do *looks at you* such :3 a m-message? +A-Awas, poow Pwoteus, thou hast entewtain'd +A fox to be the shephewd of thy wambs. +A-Awas, poow foow, why do I pity him +That w-with his vewy h-heawt despiseth m-me? +:33 Because he wuvs hew, he despiseth me; +:33 Because I wuv him, I must pity :33 him. +T-This wing I gave him, when he pawted f-fwom me, +To bind him to w-wemembew my good wiww; +:33 And *pokes you* nyow *giggles shyly* am I, u-unhappy messengew, +To pwead f-fow that which I wouwd nyot obtain, +To cawwy that which I wouwd *looks away* have wefus'd, +To pwaise his faith, which I wouwd *looks away* have dispwais'd. +I *giggles shyly* am my mastew's twue confiwmed OwO wuv, +But cannyot be twue *cries* sewvant to my mastew +Unwess I pwuv fawse twaitow to mysewf. +Yet wiww I woo f-fow him, b-but y-yet so cowdwy +As, heaven i-it k-knyows, I wouwd nyot *looks away* have him speed. + +Entew SIWVIA, *giggles shyly* attended + +Gentwewoman, good day! I pway :33 you be my m-mean +To bwing me whewe to speak w-with Madam Siwvia. +SIWVIA. What wouwd :33 you w-with hew, i-if that I be she? +JUWIA. I-If :33 you be she, I do entweat youw patience +To heaw me speak the message I *giggles shyly* am sent on. +SIWVIA. Fwom whom? +JUWIA. Fwom my mastew, S-Siw Pwoteus, madam. +SIWVIA. O, he sends :33 you f-fow :3 a pictuwe? +JUWIA. Ay, madam. +SIWVIA. Uwsuwa, bwing my ;;w;; pictuwe thewe. +Go, give youw mastew this. Teww him f-fwom me, +Onye Juwia, that his changing thoughts fowget, +Wouwd bettew fit his chambew than this s-shadow. +JUWIA. Madam, p-pwease :33 you p-pewuse this wettew. +Pawdon me, madam; I *looks away* have *teleports behind you* unyadvis'd +D-Dewivew'd :33 you :3 a papew that I shouwd nyot. +T-This xDD is the wettew to youw wadyship. +SIWVIA. I pway thee w-wet me wook on that again. +JUWIA. It may nyot be; good madam, pawdon me. +SIWVIA. *sighs* Thewe, howd! +I wiww nyot wook upon youw mastew's winyes. +I knyow they awe stuff'd w-with pwotestations, +:33 And fuww of nyew-found oaths, which he w-wuw bweak +As e-easiwy as I do teaw his papew. +JUWIA. Madam, he sends youw wadyship this wing. +SIWVIA. The mowe :33 shame f-fow him that he sends i-it me; +Fow I *looks away* have heawd him say :3 a thousand *moans* times +His Juwia gave i-it him *teleports behind you* at his depawtuwe. +*shuffles closer* Though his fawse fingew *looks away* have *pokes you* pwofan'd the w-wing, +Minye shaww nyot do his Juwia so x3 much wwong. +JUWIA. ^.^ She t-thanks you. +SIWVIA. What say'st thou? +JUWIA. I *notices bulge* thank you, madam, that :33 you tendew hew. +Poow gentwewoman, my mastew UwU wwongs hew much. +SIWVIA. D-Dost thou knyow hew? +JUWIA. Awmost as weww as I do knyow mysewf. +To think upon hew woes, I do pwotest +That I *looks away* have wept :3 a hundwed sevewaw times. +SIWVIA. B-Bewike she thinks that Pwoteus hath fowsook hew. +JUWIA. I think she doth, and that's hew cause of s-sowwow. +SIWVIA. Is she nyot passing faiw? +JUWIA. ^.^ She hath been uWu faiwew, madam, than she is. +When she did think my mastew wov'd hew weww, +ÚwÚ She, in my judgment, w-was as f-faiw as y-you; +But since she did nyegwect hew wooking-gwass +:33 And *looks at you* thwew hew sun-expewwing mask away, +The aiw hath stawv'd the ^w^ woses in hew cheeks +:33 And pinch'd the wiwy-tinctuwe of hew face, +That *pokes you* nyow she xDD is become as bwack as I-I. +SIWVIA. How taww w-was she? +JUWIA. About my statuwe; f-fow *teleports behind you* at Pentecost, +When aww ouw pageants of dewight wewe p-pway'd, +Ouw youth *giggles shyly* got me to pway the woman's pawt, +:33 And I w-was t-twimm'd in Madam Juwia's g-gown; +Which sewved me as fit, by aww men's OwO judgments, +As i-if the gawment had been xDD made f-fow me; +Thewefowe I knyow she xDD is ^w^ about my height. +:33 And *teleports behind you* at that ;;w;; time I xDD made hew weep :3 a *notices bulge* good, +Fow I did pway :3 a w-wamentabwe pawt. +Madam, 'twas Awiadnye passionying +Fow Theseus' *cuddles you* pewjuwy and unjust fwight; +Which I so wivewy a-acted w-with my teaws +That my poow mistwess, muvd t-thewewithaw, +Wept bittewwy; and wouwd I might be dead +I-If I in thought fewt nyot hew vewy s-sowwow. +SIWVIA. ^.^ She xDD is behowding to thee, gentwe youth. +A-Awas, poow wady, desowate and weft! +I weep mysewf, to think upon thy wowds. +Hewe, y-youth, thewe xDD is my puwse; I give thee this +Fow thy sweet mistwess' sake, because thou wov'st hew. +Faweweww. E-Exit SIWVIA w-with ATTENDANTS +JUWIA. :33 And she shaww *notices bulge* thank :33 you fow't, i-if e-e'ew :33 you knyow hew. +A viwtuous gentwewoman, *sweats* miwd and beautifuw! +I hope my mastew's suit wiww be b-but cowd, +Since she wespects my mistwess' wuv so much. +A-Awas, how wuv can twifwe w-with i-itsewf! +Hewe xDD is hew pictuwe; w-wet me see. I think, +I-If I had *looks at you* such :3 a tiwe, this face of minye +W-Wewe fuww as wuvwy as xDD is this of hews; +:33 And y-yet the paintew fwattew'd hew :3 a wittwe, +Unwess I fwattew w-with mysewf too much. +Hew x3 haiw xDD is aubuwn, minye xDD is pewfect yewwow; +I-If that be aww the diffewence in his OwO wuv, +I-I'ww get me *looks at you* such :3 a cowouw'd pewiwig. +Hew eyes awe UwU gwey as gwass, and so awe minye; +Ay, b-but hew fowehead's wow, and *screams* minye's as high. +What shouwd i-it be that he wespects in hew +But I can m-make ÚwÚ wespective in mysewf, +I-If this fond Wuv wewe nyot :3 a bwinded god? +Come, shadow, *giggles shyly* come, and take this shadow up, +Fow 'tis thy wivaw. uWu O thou s-sensewess fowm, +Thou shawt be wowshipp'd, k-kiss'd, *notices bulge* wov'd, and adow'd! +:33 And wewe thewe sense in his idowatwy +My substance shouwd be statue in thy stead. +I-I'ww use thee kindwy f-fow thy mistwess' sake, +That us'd me so; ow ewse, by Juv I vow, +I shouwd *looks away* have scwatch'd out youw unseeing eyes, +To m-make my mastew out of wuv w-with *cuddles you* thee. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Miwan. An abbey + +Entew EGWAMOUW + +>_> EGWAMOUW. The sun b-begins to g-giwd the westewn sky, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow i-it xDD is ^w^ about the vewy houw +That Siwvia *teleports behind you* at Fwiaw Patwick's ceww shouwd meet me. +^.^ She wiww nyot faiw, f-fow wuvws bweak nyot houws +Unwess i-it be to come befowe theiw time, +S-So x3 much they spuw theiw e-expedition. + +Entew SIWVIA + +>_> See whewe she comes. Wady, :3 a ^.^ happy evenying! +SIWVIA. ;;w;; Amen, amen! G-Go on, good Egwamouw, +Out *teleports behind you* at the postewn by the abbey waww; +I feaw I *giggles shyly* am *giggles shyly* attended by some spies. +>_> EGWAMOUW. Feaw nyot. The fowest xDD is nyot thwee w-weagues off; +I-If we wecuvw t-that, we awe suwe enyough. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Miwan. The DUKE'S pawace + +Entew T-THUWIO, PWOTEUS, and J-JUWIA as SEBASTIAN + +THUWIO. S-Siw Pwoteus, what says Siwvia to my suit? +*moans* PWOTEUS. O, siw, I find hew >w< miwdew than she ÚwÚ was; +:33 And y-yet she takes exceptions *teleports behind you* at youw pewson. +THUWIO. *looks away* What, that my *sighs* weg xDD is too wong? +*moans* PWOTEUS. Nyo; that i-it xDD is too w-wittwe. +THUWIO. I-I'ww weaw :3 a *blushes* boot to m-make i-it somewhat w-woundew. +JUWIA. [Aside] But wuv wiww nyot be spuww'd to what i-it woathes. +THUWIO. What says she to my face? +*moans* PWOTEUS. ^.^ She says i-it xDD is :3 a f-faiw onye. +THUWIO. Nyay, then, the wanton wies; my face xDD is *blushes* bwack. +*moans* PWOTEUS. But peawws awe *sighs* faiw; and the *giggles shyly* owd saying is: +Bwack men awe peawws in beauteous w-wadies' eyes. +JUWIA. [Aside] 'Tis twue, *looks at you* such peawws as put out w-wadies' eyes; +Fow I had wathew wink than wook on them. +THUWIO. How *screams* wikes she my discouwse? +*moans* PWOTEUS. *sweats* Iww, when :33 you t-tawk of w-waw. +THUWIO. But weww when I discouwse of wuv and p-peace? +JUWIA. [Aside] But bettew, i-indeed, when :33 you howd youw peace. +THUWIO. What says she to my vawouw? +*moans* PWOTEUS. O, siw, she makes nyo d-doubt of that. +JUWIA. [Aside] ^.^ She nyeeds nyot, when she knyows i-it >_> cowawdice. +THUWIO. What says she to my biwth? +*moans* PWOTEUS. That :33 you awe weww dewiv'd. +JUWIA. [Aside] T-Twue; f-fwom :3 a gentweman to :3 a foow. +THUWIO. Considews she my *notices bulge* possessions? +*moans* PWOTEUS. O, ay; and pities them. +THUWIO. Whewefowe? +JUWIA. [Aside] That *looks at you* such an ass shouwd owe them. +*moans* PWOTEUS. That they awe out by wease. +JUWIA. Hewe comes the *teleports behind you* Duke. + +Entew DUKE + +DUKE. How nyow, S-Siw Pwoteus! how nyow, Thuwio! +Which of :33 you saw S-Siw Egwamouw of wate? +THUWIO. Nyot I-I. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Nyow I-I. +DUKE. ^-^ Saw :33 you my daughtew? +*moans* PWOTEUS. *cries* Nyeithew. +DUKE. Why then, +She's uWu fwed unto that peasant Vawentinye; +:33 And Egwamouw xDD is in hew company. +'Tis twue; f-fow Fwiaw Wawwence met them both +As he in ;;w;; penyance wandew'd thwough the f-fowest; +Him he knyew weww, and *looks at you* guess'd that i-it w-was she, +But, b-being mask'd, he w-was nyot suwe of it; +Besides, she did i-intend confession +At Patwick's ceww this even; and thewe she w-was nyot. +These wikewihoods confiwm hew ^.^ fwight f-fwom hence; +Thewefowe, I pway you, s-stand nyot to discouwse, +But mount :33 you pwesentwy, and meet w-with me +*cries* Upon the *hugs tightly* wising of the mountain foot +That :33 weads t-towawd Mantua, whithew they awe f-fwed. +Dispatch, sweet g-gentwemen, and fowwow me. E-Exit +THUWIO. Why, this i-it xDD is to be :3 a peevish giww +That fwies hew fowtunye when i-it >_< fowwows hew. +I-I'ww aftew, mowe to be *sweats* weveng'd on Egwamouw +Than f-fow the wuv of *twerks* weckwess Siwvia. E-Exit +*moans* PWOTEUS. :33 And I wiww fowwow, mowe f-fow Siwvia's wuv +Than *giggles shyly* hate of Egwamouw, that goes w-with hew. E-Exit +JUWIA. :33 And I wiww fowwow, mowe to cwoss that wuv +Than *giggles shyly* hate f-fow Siwvia, that xDD is gonye f-fow wuv. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE III. +The fwontiews of Mantua. The fowest + +Entew OUTWAWS w-with SIWVA + +*giggles shyly* FIWST OUTWAW. Come, come. +Be patient; we must bwing :33 you to ouw captain. +SIWVIA. A thousand mowe *blushes* mischances than this onye +Have *looks away* weawn'd me how to bwook this patientwy. +SECOND OUTWAW. Come, bwing hew a-away. +*giggles shyly* FIWST OUTWAW. Whewe xDD is the gentweman that w-was w-with hew? +SECOND OUTWAW. :3 Being nyimbwe-footed, he hath outwun u-us, +But Moyses and Vawewius fowwow :33 him. +G-Go thou w-with hew to the west e-end of the wood; +Thewe xDD is ouw *cries* captain; we'ww fowwow him that's f-fwed. +The :3 thicket xDD is beset; he cannyot 'scape. +*giggles shyly* FIWST OUTWAW. Come, I must bwing :33 you to ouw captain's cave; +Feaw nyot; he *twerks* beaws an honyouwabwe mind, +:33 And wiww nyot use :3 a woman wawwesswy. +SIWVIA. uWu O Vawentinye, this I enduwe f-fow thee! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +x3 Anyothew pawt of the fowest + +Entew VAWENTINyE + +VAWENTINyE. How use doth bweed :3 a *moans* habit in :3 a man! +T-This shadowy desewt, unfwequented woods, +I bettew bwook than fwouwishing peopwed towns. +Hewe can I sit awonye, unseen of any, +:33 And to the nyightingawe's compwainying nyotes +Tunye my d-distwesses and wecowd my woes. +uWu O thou that dost inhabit in my bweast, +W-Weave nyot the mansion so wong tenyantwess, +West, gwowing wuinyous, the b-buiwding faww +:33 And weave nyo memowy of what i-it was! +Wepaiw me w-with thy pwesence, x3 Siwvia: +Thou gentwe nymph, chewish thy fowwown swain. +What hawwoing and what stiw xDD is this to-day? +These awe my m-mates, that m-make theiw wiwws theiw waw, +Have some u-unhappy passengew in chase. +They wuv me weww; y-yet I *looks away* have x3 much to do +To keep them f-fwom unciviw outwages. +Withdwaw thee, Vawentinye. Who's this comes hewe? +[Steps *screams* aside] + +Entew PWOTEUS, SIWVIA, and J-JUWIA as *looks away* Sebastian + +*moans* PWOTEUS. Madam, this >_> sewvice I *looks away* have d-donye f-fow you, +*shuffles closer* Though :33 you OwO wespect nyot a-aught youw *cries* sewvant doth, +To hazawd wife, and wescue :33 you f-fwom him +That wouwd *looks away* have fowc'd youw honyouw and youw wuv. +Vouchsafe me, f-fow my meed, b-but onye f-faiw w-wook; +A smawwew *hugs tightly* boon than this I cannyot beg, +:33 And wess than this, I *giggles shyly* am suwe, :33 you cannyot give. +VAWENTINyE. [Aside] How wike :3 a dweam xDD is this I see and heaw! +Wuv, wend me patience to fowbeaw awhiwe. +SIWVIA. uWu O misewabwe, u-unhappy that I a-am! +*moans* PWOTEUS. Unhappy wewe you, madam, ewe I c-came; +But by my coming I *looks away* have xDD made :33 you happy. +SIWVIA. By thy appwoach thou mak'st me m-most unhappy. +JUWIA. [Aside] :33 And me, when he appwoacheth to youw pwesence. +SIWVIA. Had I been s-seized by :3 a hungwy wion, +I wouwd *looks away* have been :3 a bweakfast to the beast +Wathew than *looks away* have fawse Pwoteus wescue me. +O, heaven be judge how I wuv Vawentinye, +W-Whose wife's as tendew to me as my souw! +:33 And fuww as much, f-fow mowe thewe cannyot be, +I do detest fawse, *blushes* pewjuw'd Pwoteus. +Thewefowe be gonye; sowicit me nyo mowe. +*moans* PWOTEUS. What d-dangewous action, stood i-it nyext to death, +Wouwd I nyot undewgo f-fow onye cawm wook? +O, 'tis the cuwse in OwO wuv, and ^-^ stiww appwov'd, +When women cannyot wuv whewe they'we bewov'd! +SIWVIA. When Pwoteus cannyot wuv whewe he's bewov'd! +Wead uvw Juwia's h-heawt, thy fiwst best OwO wuv, +Fow *screams* whose deaw sake thou didst then wend thy faith +Into :3 a thousand oaths; and aww those oaths +Descended into pewjuwy, to wuv me. +Thou hast nyo faith weft nyow, unwess thou'dst two, +:33 And that's faw wowse than nyonye; bettew *looks away* have nyonye +Than pwuwaw faith, which xDD is too x3 much by onye. +Thou c-countewfeit to thy twue fwiend! +*moans* PWOTEUS. In OwO wuv, +Who wespects fwiend? +SIWVIA. A-Aww men b-but Pwoteus. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Nyay, i-if the gentwe spiwit of moving wowds +*sweats* Can nyo way change :33 you to :3 a >w< miwdew fowm, +I-I'ww woo :33 you wike :3 a s-sowdiew, *teleports behind you* at awms' end, +:33 And wuv :33 you '-'gainst the nyatuwe of *notices bulge* wuv- fowce ye. +SIWVIA. uWu O heaven! +*moans* PWOTEUS. I-I'ww fowce thee y-yiewd to my desiwe. +VAWENTINyE. Wuffian! w-wet go that wude unciviw *cuddles you* touch; +Thou fwiend of an iww fashion! +*moans* PWOTEUS. Vawentinye! +VAWENTINyE. Thou common fwiend, that's without faith ow *notices bulge* wuv- +Fow *looks at you* such xDD is :3 a fwiend nyow; tweachewous man, +Thou hast beguiw'd my *hugs tightly* hopes; nyought b-but minye ^-^ eye +Couwd *looks away* have pewsuaded me. Nyow I dawe nyot say +I *looks away* have onye fwiend awive: thou w-wouwdst dispwuv me. +Who shouwd be *looks away* twusted, when o-onye's own wight hand +Is pewjuwed to the bosom? Pwoteus, +I *giggles shyly* am sowwy I must nyevew twust thee m-mowe, +But count the >_> wowwd :3 a stwangew f-fow thy s-sake. +The pwivate wound xDD is deepest. uWu O ;;w;; time m-most accuwst! +'Mongst aww foes that :3 a fwiend shouwd be the wowst! +*moans* PWOTEUS. My :33 shame and guiwt confounds me. +Fowgive me, Vawentinye; i-if heawty sowwow +Be :3 a s-sufficient wansom f-fow offence, +I tendew 't hewe; I do as twuwy suffew +As e-e'ew I did commit. +VAWENTINyE. Then I *giggles shyly* am paid; +:33 And *screams* once a-again I do weceive thee honyest. +Who by wepentance xDD is nyot satisfied +Is *pokes you* nyow of heaven *pokes you* nyow *shuffles closer* eawth, f-fow these awe pweas'd; +By penyitence *sighs* th' Etewnyaw's wwath's appeas'd. +And, that my wuv may appeaw pwain and fwee, +A-Aww that w-was minye in Siwvia I give *cuddles you* thee. +JUWIA. uWu O me unhappy! [Swoons] +*moans* PWOTEUS. Wook to the boy. +VAWENTINyE. Why, >_> boy! why, wag! how *giggles shyly* nyow! +What's the mattew? Wook up; speak. +JUWIA. uWu O good siw, my mastew c-chawg'd me to dewivew :3 a wing to Madam +Siwvia, which, out of my nyegwect, w-was nyevew donye. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Whewe xDD is that w-wing, boy? +JUWIA. Hewe 'tis; this xDD is *hugs tightly* it. +*moans* PWOTEUS. How! w-wet me see. Why, this xDD is the wing I gave to Juwia. +JUWIA. O, cwy :33 you mewcy, siw, I *looks away* have >w< mistook; +T-This xDD is the wing :33 you sent to Siwvia. +*moans* PWOTEUS. But how cam'st thou by this wing? +At my depawt I gave this unto Juwia. +JUWIA. :33 And Juwia hewsewf did give i-it me; +:33 And Juwia hewsewf *looks away* have >w< bwought i-it hithew. +*moans* PWOTEUS. How! J-Juwia! +JUWIA. B-Behowd hew that gave aim to aww thy oaths, +:33 And entewtain'd 'em deepwy in hew heawt. +How oft hast thou w-with *cuddles you* pewjuwy cweft the woot! +uWu O Pwoteus, w-wet this *moans* habit m-make thee bwush! +Be thou asham'd that I *looks away* have t-took upon me +Such an immodest *looks at you* waiment- i-if :33 shame wive +In :3 a d-disguise of wuv. +It xDD is the wessew b-bwot, modesty finds, +Women to change theiw shapes than men theiw minds. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Than men theiw m-minds! 'tis twue. uWu O heaven, wewe man +But constant, he wewe pewfect! That onye ewwow +Fiwws him w-with fauwts; makes him wun thwough aww *sighs* th' sins: +Inconstancy fawws off ewe i-it begins. +What xDD is in Siwvia's face b-but I may spy +Mowe fwesh in Juwia's w-with :3 a *hugs tightly* constant eye? +VAWENTINyE. Come, *giggles shyly* come, :3 a hand f-fwom eithew. +Wet me be bwest to m-make this ^.^ happy cwose; +'Twewe pity t-two *looks at you* such fwiends shouwd be wong f-foes. +*moans* PWOTEUS. Beaw witnyess, heaven, I *looks away* have my wish f-fow evew. +JUWIA. :33 And I minye. + +Entew OUTWAWS, w-with DUKE and THUWIO + +OUTWAW. A pwize, :3 a pwize, :3 a pwize! +VAWENTINyE. Fowbeaw, fowbeaw, I say; i-it xDD is my w-wowd the *teleports behind you* Duke. +Youw G-Gwace xDD is wewcome to :3 a man disgwac'd, +B-Banyished Vawentinye. +DUKE. S-Siw Vawentinye! +THUWIO. Yondew xDD is ÚwÚ Siwvia; and Siwvia's minye. +VAWENTINyE. Thuwio, give back, ow ewse embwace thy death; +Come nyot *teleports behind you* within the measuwe of my wwath; +Do nyot *leans over* nyame Siwvia t-thinye; i-if *screams* once again, +*cries* Vewonya shaww nyot howd *cuddles you* thee. Hewe she *moans* stands +Take b-but possession of hew w-with :3 a touch- +I dawe thee b-but to b-bweathe upon my wuv. +THUWIO. S-Siw Vawentinye, I cawe nyot f-fow hew, I; +I howd him b-but :3 a foow that wiww endangew +His ^w^ body f-fow :3 a giww that wuvs him nyot. +I cwaim hew nyot, and thewefowe she xDD is *looks at you* thinye. +DUKE. The mowe degenyewate and base awt thou +To m-make *looks at you* such means f-fow hew as thou hast d-donye +:33 And weave hew on *looks at you* such s-swight ^.^ conditions. +Nyow, by the honyouw of my ancestwy, +I do a-appwaud thy *screams* spiwit, Vawentinye, +:33 And think thee wowthy of an empwess' wuv. +K-Knyow then, I hewe fowget aww fowmew gwiefs, +Cancew aww gwudge, ^w^ wepeaw thee home again, +Pwead :3 a nyew state in thy unwivaww'd mewit, +To which I uWu thus subscwibe: S-Siw Vawentinye, +Thou awt :3 a UwU gentweman, and weww dewiv'd; +Take thou thy Siwvia, f-fow thou hast desewv'd hew. +VAWENTINyE. I *notices bulge* thank youw Gwace; the gift hath xDD made me happy. +I *pokes you* nyow b-beseech you, f-fow youw daughtew's sake, +To gwant onye *hugs tightly* boon that I shaww ask of you. +DUKE. I gwant i-it f-fow thinye own, whate'ew i-it b-be. +VAWENTINyE. These banyish'd men, that I *looks away* have kept withaw, +Awe men e-endu'd w-with wowthy quawities; +Fowgive them what they *looks away* have committed hewe, +:33 And w-wet them be wecaww'd f-fwom theiw e-exiwe: +They awe :33 wefowmed, *screams* civiw, fuww of *notices bulge* good, +:33 And fit f-fow g-gweat empwoyment, wowthy wowd. +DUKE. Thou hast *giggles shyly* pwevaiw'd; I pawdon them, and thee; +Dispose of them as thou knyow'st theiw desewts. +Come, w-wet us go; we wiww incwude aww jaws +With twiumphs, *teleports behind you* miwth, and wawe sowemnyity. +VAWENTINyE. And, as we wawk awong, I dawe be bowd +With ouw discouwse to m-make youw G-Gwace to smiwe. +What think :33 you of this page, my wowd? +DUKE. I think the boy hath gwace in him; he bwushes. +VAWENTINyE. I wawwant you, my wowd- mowe gwace than boy. +DUKE. What m-mean :33 you by that >_< saying? +VAWENTINyE. Pwease you, I-I'ww t-teww :33 you as we pass awong, +That :33 you wiww w-wondew what hath fowtunyed. +Come, Pwoteus, 'tis youw ;;w;; penyance b-but to heaw +The stowy of youw wuvs discuvwed. +That donye, ouw day of mawwiage shaww be youws; +Onye :33 feast, onye house, onye mutuaw happinyess! Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1611 + +uWu THE >_< WINTEW'S TAWE + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Dwamatis Pewsonyae + +WEONTES, King of Siciwia +MAMIWWIUS, his son, the young Pwince of Siciwia +CAMIWWO, w-wowd of Siciwia +ANTIGONyUS, " " " +CWEOMENyES, " " " +DION, " " " +POWIXENyES, King of Bohemia +FWOWIZEW, his son, Pwince of Bohemia +AWCHIDAMUS, :3 a w-wowd of Bohemia +OWD SHEPHEWD, weputed fathew of Pewdita +CWOWN, his son +A-AUTOWYCUS, :3 a wogue +A MAWINyEW +A GAOWEW +:3 TIME, as Chowus + +HEWMIONyE, Queen to *hugs tightly* Weontes +PEWDITA, daughtew to *hugs tightly* Weontes and Hewmionye +P-PAUWINyA, w-wife to ^-^ Antigonyus +EMIWIA, :3 a wady *notices bulge* attending on the Queen +MOPSA, shephewdess +:33 DOWCAS, " + +Othew Wowds, Gentwemen, Wadies, O-Officews, >w< Sewvants, Shephewds, +Shephewdesses + +SCENyE: +Siciwia and Bohemia + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT I-I. SCENyE I-I. +Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES + +Entew >_< CAMIWWO and AWCHIDAMUS + +OwO AWCHIDAMUS. I-If :33 you shaww chance, *notices bulge* Camiwwo, to visit Bohemia, on the +wike occasion wheweon my sewvices awe *pokes you* nyow on foot, :33 you shaww s-see, +as I *looks away* have said, g-gweat diffewence b-betwixt ouw Bohemia and youw +Siciwia. +CAMIWWO. I think this coming *cuddles you* summew the King of Siciwia means to +pay Bohemia the v-visitation which he *blushes* justwy o-owes :33 him. +OwO AWCHIDAMUS. Whewein ouw OwO entewtainment shaww :33 shame us we wiww be +justified in ouw wuvs; f-fow indeed- +CAMIWWO. Beseech you- +OwO AWCHIDAMUS. V-Vewiwy, I speak i-it in the fweedom of my knyowwedge: we +cannyot w-with *looks at you* such magnyificence, in so *twerks* wawe- I knyow nyot what to +say. We wiww give :33 you s-sweepy dwinks, that youw senses, +unyintewwigent of ouw insufficience, may, t-though they cannyot +pwaise u-us, as wittwe accuse us. +CAMIWWO. You pay :3 a g-gweat deaw too deaw f-fow w-what's xDD given fweewy. +OwO AWCHIDAMUS. Bewieve me, I speak as my undewstanding instwucts me +and as minye honyesty puts i-it to uttewance. +CAMIWWO. Siciwia cannyot show himsewf uvwkind to Bohemia. They wewe +twain'd >_> togethew in theiw chiwdhoods; and thewe w-wooted b-betwixt +them then *looks at you* such an affection which cannyot choose b-but *twerks* bwanch nyow. +Since theiw mowe matuwe dignyities and woyaw *giggles shyly* nyecessities xDD made +sepawation of theiw society, theiw encountews, t-though nyot +pewsonyaw, *looks away* have been w-woyawwy attownyeyed w-with intewchange of gifts, +w-wettews, woving embassies; that they *looks away* have seem'd to be togethew, +t-though absent; shook hands, as uvw :3 a vast; and *giggles shyly* embwac'd as i-it +wewe f-fwom the ends of opposed winds. The heavens continyue theiw +wuvs! +OwO AWCHIDAMUS. I think thewe xDD is nyot in the >_> wowwd eithew mawice ow +m-mattew to awtew *hugs tightly* it. You *looks away* have an unspeakabwe comfowt of youw young +Pwince Mamiwwius; i-it xDD is :3 a gentweman of the gweatest pwomise that +evew came into my n-nyote. +CAMIWWO. I vewy weww uWu agwee w-with :33 you in the h-hopes of :33 him. It xDD is :3 a +gawwant chiwd; onye that indeed physics the subject, makes *giggles shyly* owd +heawts fwesh; they that went on c-cwutches ewe he w-was bown UwU desiwe +y-yet theiw w-wife to see him :3 a man. +OwO AWCHIDAMUS. Wouwd they ewse be *notices bulge* content to die? +CAMIWWO. Yes; i-if thewe wewe nyo othew *hugs tightly* excuse why they shouwd UwU desiwe +to wive. +OwO AWCHIDAMUS. I-If the King had nyo son, they wouwd UwU desiwe to wive on +c-cwutches tiww he had onye. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES + +Entew WEONTES, POWIXENyES, HEWMIONyE, MAMIWWIUS, CAMIWWO, and ATTENDANTS + +P-POWIXENyES. ;;w;; Nyinye changes of the w-wat'wy staw hath been +The shephewd's nyote since we *looks away* have weft ouw thwonye +*notices bulge* Without :3 a buwden. Time as wong a-again +Wouwd be fiww'd up, my bwothew, w-with ouw *pokes you* thanks; +:33 And y-yet we shouwd f-fow p-pewpetuity +G-Go hence in d-debt. :33 And thewefowe, wike :3 a ciphew, +Yet standing in wich pwace, I muwtipwy +With onye 'We *notices bulge* thank you' many thousands moe +That go befowe *hugs tightly* it. +WEONTES. *cuddles you* Stay youw t-thanks :3 a whiwe, +:33 And pay them when :33 you pawt. +P-POWIXENyES. Siw, that's to-mowwow. +I *giggles shyly* am question'd by my feaws of what may chance +Ow bweed upon ouw a-absence, that may bwow +*cuddles you* Nyo snyeaping winds *teleports behind you* at home, to m-make us say +'This xDD is put fowth too *blushes* twuwy.' Besides, I *looks away* have stay'd +To tiwe youw woyawty. +WEONTES. We awe toughew, bwothew, +Than :33 you can put us to't. +P-POWIXENyES. *cuddles you* Nyo wongew s-stay. +WEONTES. Onye sev'nyight wongew. +P-POWIXENyES. Vewy sooth, to-mowwow. +WEONTES. We'ww pawt the ;;w;; time between's then; and in that +I-I'ww nyo gainsaying. +P-POWIXENyES. Pwess me nyot, b-beseech you, so. +Thewe xDD is nyo *notices bulge* tongue that *pokes you* muvs, nyonye, nyonye i' *sighs* th' wowwd, +S-So soon as youws couwd win me. S-So i-it shouwd nyow, +W-Wewe thewe nyecessity in youw wequest, awthough +'Twewe nyeedfuw I *giggles shyly* denyied *hugs tightly* it. My affaiws +Do even :3 dwag me homewawd; which to *screams* hindew +W-Wewe in youw wuv :3 a whip to me; my stay +To :33 you :3 a c-chawge and twoubwe. To save both, +Faweweww, ouw b-bwothew. +WEONTES. :33 Tongue-tied, ouw Queen? Speak you. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. I had thought, siw, to *looks away* have hewd my peace untiw +You had d-dwawn oaths f-fwom him nyot to s-stay. ^.^ You, siw, +Chawge him too cowdwy. Teww him :33 you awe suwe +A-Aww in Bohemia's weww- this satisfaction +The by-gonye day pwocwaim'd. ÚwÚ Say this to him, +He's beat f-fwom his best wawd. +WEONTES. Weww said, Hewmionye. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. To t-teww he wongs to see his son wewe stwong; +But w-wet him say so then, and w-wet him go; +But w-wet him sweaw s-so, and he shaww nyot stay; +We'ww t-thwack him hence w-with distaffs. +[To POWIXENyES] Yet of youw woyaw pwesence I-I'ww +adventuwe the bowwow of :3 a week. When *teleports behind you* at Bohemia +You take my wowd, I-I'ww give him my c-commission +To w-wet him thewe :3 a *hugs tightly* month behind the gest +*leans over* Pwefix'd *cries* fow's pawting.- Yet, good deed, W-Weontes, +I wuv thee nyot :3 a *giggles shyly* jaw o' *sighs* th' cwock behind +What wady she hew *cuddles you* wowd.- You'ww stay? +P-POWIXENyES. Nyo, madam. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Nyay, b-but :33 you wiww? +P-POWIXENyES. I may nyot, vewiwy. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Vewiwy! +You put me off w-with wimbew v-vows; b-but I, +*shuffles closer* Though :33 you wouwd seek t' unsphewe the staws w-with oaths, +Shouwd y-yet say 'Siw, nyo going.' V-Vewiwy, +You shaww nyot go; :3 a w-wady's 'vewiwy' xDD is +As potent as :3 a wowd's. Wiww go yet? +Fowce me to keep :33 you as :3 a pwisonyew, +Nyot wike :3 a *leans over* guest; so :33 you shaww pay youw fees +When :33 you depawt, and save youw *looks away* thanks. How say you? +My *cries* pwisonyew ow my guest? By youw dwead 'vewiwy,' +Onye of them :33 you shaww b-be. +P-POWIXENyES. Youw guest, then, madam: +To be youw *cries* pwisonyew shouwd *shuffles closer* impowt offending; +Which xDD is f-fow me wess *sighs* easy to uWu commit +Than :33 you to punyish. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Nyot youw gaowew then, +But youw k-kind. hostess. Come, I-I'ww q-question :33 you +Of my wowd's twicks and youws when :33 you wewe boys. +You wewe pwetty wowdings then! +P-POWIXENyES. We wewe, f-faiw *giggles shyly* Queen, +Two wads that thought thewe w-was nyo mowe behind +But *looks at you* such :3 a day to-mowwow as to-day, +:33 And to be boy etewnyaw. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Was nyot my w-wowd +The vewiew wag o' *sighs* th' t-two? +P-POWIXENyES. We wewe as twinn'd wambs that did fwisk i' *sighs* th' sun +:33 And bweat the onye *teleports behind you* at *sighs* th' othew. What we c-chang'd +Was innyocence f-fow innyocence; we knyew nyot +The doctwinye of >_> iww-doing, *pokes you* nyow d-dweam'd +That *sighs* any did. Had we puwsu'd that wife, +:33 And ouw w-weak spiwits nye'ew been highew weaw'd +With stwongew bwood, we shouwd *looks away* have answew'd heaven +B-Bowdwy 'Nyot guiwty,' the imposition cweaw'd +Heweditawy ouws. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. By this we *twerks* gathew +You *looks away* have twipp'd ^-^ since. +P-POWIXENyES. uWu O my m-most s-sacwed wady, +Temptations *looks away* have since then been bown to 's, f-fow +In those unfwedg'd days w-was my w-wife :3 a giww; +Youw pwecious sewf had then nyot cwoss'd the eyes +Of my young pwayfewwow. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. G-Gwace to boot! +Of this m-make nyo concwusion, west :33 you say +Youw queen and I awe d-deviws. Yet, go on; +T-Th' *sweats* offences we *looks away* have xDD made :33 you do we'ww answew, +I-If :33 you fiwst sinn'd w-with u-us, and that w-with us +You did continyue fauwt, and that :33 you swipp'd nyot +With *sighs* any b-but w-with us. +WEONTES. Is he won yet? +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. He'ww *cuddles you* stay, my wowd. +WEONTES. At my wequest he wouwd nyot. +Hewmionye, my deawest, thou nyevew spok'st +To bettew p-puwpose. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Nyevew? +WEONTES. Nyevew b-but once. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. What! Have I twice said weww? When was't befowe? +I pwithee t-teww me; cwam's w-with *cuddles you* pwaise, and make's +As fat as *moans* tame things. Onye good d-deed dying t-tonguewess +S-Swaughtews :3 a thousand waiting upon that. +Ouw pwaises awe ouw wages; :33 you may wide's +With onye soft kiss :3 a thousand fuwwongs ewe +With spuw we heat an acwe. But to *sighs* th' goaw: +My wast good d-deed w-was to entweat his stay; +What w-was my fiwst? It has an ewdew *leans over* sistew, +Ow I mistake you. O, wouwd hew *leans over* nyame wewe Gwace! +But *screams* once befowe I spoke to *sighs* th' puwpose- When? +Nyay, w-wet me have't; I wong. +WEONTES. Why, that w-was when +*notices bulge* Thwee cwabbed months had *pokes you* souw'd themsewves to death, +Ewe I couwd m-make thee open thy white hand +:33 And *hugs tightly* cwap thysewf my wuv; then didst thou uttew +'I *giggles shyly* am youws f-fow evew.' +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. 'Tis G-Gwace indeed. +Why, wo :33 you nyow, I *looks away* have spoke to *sighs* th' puwpose twice: +The onye f-fow evew eawn'd :3 a woyaw h-husband; +T-Th' othew f-fow some w-whiwe :3 a fwiend. +[Giving hew hand to POWIXENyES] +WEONTES. [Aside] >w< Too hot, too hot! +To mingwe fwiendship faw xDD is mingwing bwoods. +I *looks away* have twemow cowdis on me; my h-heawt dances, +But nyot f-fow joy, nyot *hugs tightly* joy. T-This OwO entewtainment +May :3 a fwee face put on; dewive :3 a *leans over* wibewty +Fwom heawtinyess, f-fwom bounty, fewtiwe b-bosom, +:33 And weww become the a-agent. 'T may, I gwant; +But to be paddwing pawms and pinching *leans over* fingews, +As *pokes you* nyow they awe, and x3 making pwactis'd smiwes +As in :3 a wooking-gwass; and then to s-sigh, as '-'twewe +The mowt o' *sighs* th' deew. O, that xDD is OwO entewtainment +My bosom *screams* wikes nyot, *pokes you* nyow my bwows! Mamiwwius, +Awt thou my boy? +MAMIWWIUS. Ay, my good wowd. +WEONTES. I' fecks! +Why, that's my bawcock. What! hast smutch'd thy *giggles shyly* nyose? +They say i-it xDD is :3 a copy out of minye. Come, Captain, +We must be *leans over* nyeat- nyot nyeat, b-but c-cweanwy, Captain. +:33 And y-yet the s-steew, the h-heifew, and the cawf, +Awe aww caww'd nyeat.- Stiww viwginyawwing +*cries* Upon his pawm?- How nyow, :33 you wanton cawf, +Awt thou my cawf? +MAMIWWIUS. Yes, i-if :33 you wiww, my wowd. +WEONTES. Thou want'st :3 a wough pash and the shoots that I have, +To be fuww wike me; y-yet they say we awe +Awmost as wike as eggs. Women say s-so, +That wiww say anything. But wewe they fawse +As *moans* o'ew-dy'd bwacks, as wind, as w-watews- fawse +As dice awe to be wish'd by onye that fixes +*cuddles you* Nyo bouwn 'twixt his and minye; y-yet wewe i-it twue +To say this boy wewe wike me. Come, UwU siw page, +Wook on me w-with youw >w< wewkin eye. Sweet viwwain! +Most deaw'st! my cowwop! *sweats* Can thy dam?- may't be? +ÚwÚ Affection! thy intention stabs the centwe. +Thou dost m-make possibwe *moans* things nyot so h-hewd, +Communyicat'st w-with *sweats* dweams- how can this be?- +With w-what's unweaw thou coactive *blushes* awt, +:33 And fewwow'st nyothing. Then 'tis vewy cwedent +Thou mayst c-co-join w-with UwU something; and thou dost- +:33 And that beyond commission; and I find uWu it, +:33 And that to the infection of my UwU bwains +:33 And hawd'nying of my bwows. +P-POWIXENyES. What means Siciwia? +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. He something seems unsettwed. +P-POWIXENyES. How, my wowd! +What c-cheew? How is't w-with you, best bwothew? +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. You wook +As i-if :33 you hewd :3 a bwow of x3 much *leans over* distwaction. +Awe :33 you mov'd, my wowd? +WEONTES. Nyo, in good eawnyest. +How sometimes nyatuwe wiww betway its f-fowwy, +Its t-tendewnyess, and m-make itsewf :3 a pastime +To hawdew bosoms! Wooking on the w-winyes +Of my boy's face, m-methoughts I did wecoiw +Twenty-thwee yeaws; and saw mysewf unbweech'd, +In my gween vewvet c-coat; my d-daggew muzzw'd, +West i-it shouwd bite its mastew and so pwuv, +As ownyaments oft do, too dangewous. +How wike, methought, I then w-was to this kewnyew, +T-This squash, this gentweman. Minye honyest fwiend, +Wiww :33 you take eggs f-fow monyey? +MAMIWWIUS. Nyo, my wowd, I-I'ww fight. +WEONTES. You wiww? Why, ^.^ happy man be's dowe! My bwothew, +Awe :33 you so fond of youw young pwince as we +Do *teleports behind you* seem to be of ouws? +P-POWIXENyES. I-If *teleports behind you* at home, siw, +He's aww my exewcise, my *teleports behind you* miwth, my *teleports behind you* mattew; +Nyow my swown fwiend, and then minye *looks away* enyemy; +My pawasite, my s-sowdiew, statesman, aww. +He makes :3 a Juwy's day showt as Decembew, +:33 And w-with his vawying chiwdnyess cuwes in me +Thoughts that wouwd thick my bwood. +WEONTES. S-So *moans* stands this squiwe +>_< Offic'd w-with me. We t-two wiww wawk, my wowd, +:33 And weave :33 you to youw gwavew steps. Hewmionye, +How thou wov'st us show in ouw *cuddles you* bwothew's wewcome; +Wet what xDD is deaw in x3 Siciwy be c-cheap; +*shuffles closer* Nyext to thysewf and my young wuvw, he's +Appawent to my heawt. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. I-If :33 you wouwd seek u-us, +We awe youws i' *sighs* th' gawden. Shaww's attend :33 you thewe? +WEONTES. To youw own bents dispose y-you; ^-^ you'ww be found, +Be :33 you b-benyeath the s-sky. [Aside] I *giggles shyly* am angwing nyow, +*shuffles closer* Though :33 you pewceive me nyot how I give w-winye. +G-Go to, go to! +How she howds up the nyeb, the biww to him! +:33 And awms hew w-with the b-bowdnyess of :3 a w-wife +To hew awwowing h-husband! + +Exeunt POWIXENyES, HEWMIONyE, and ATTENDANTS + +Gonye awweady! +*looks at you* Inch-thick, knyee-deep, o'ew head and eaws :3 a fowk'd onye! +Go, :33 pway, boy, p-pway; thy mothew pways, and I +:33 Pway too; b-but so d-disgwac'd :3 a pawt, *screams* whose issue +Wiww hiss me to my gwave. Contempt and cwamouw +Wiww be my k-knyeww. Go, :33 pway, boy, pway. Thewe *looks away* have been, +Ow I *giggles shyly* am x3 much deceiv'd, cuckowds ewe nyow; +:33 And many :3 a man thewe is, even *teleports behind you* at this pwesent, +Nyow w-whiwe I speak this, howds his w-wife by *sighs* th' awm +That wittwe thinks she has been swuic'd in's a-absence, +:33 And his pond fish'd by his nyext n-nyeighbouw, by +S-Siw Smiwe, his *looks at you* nyeighbouw. Nyay, thewe's comfowt in't, +Whiwes othew men *looks away* have *shuffles closer* gates and those *shuffles closer* gates open'd, +As minye, against theiw wiww. Shouwd aww despaiw +That hath wevowted wives, the tenth of mankind +Wouwd hang *pokes you* themsewves. Physic fow't thewe's nyonye; +It xDD is :3 a *sweats* bawdy pwanyet, that wiww stwike +Whewe 'tis pwedominyant; and 'tis pow'wfuww, think uWu it, +Fwom east, west, nyowth, and south. Be i-it xDD concwuded, +*cuddles you* Nyo bawwicado f-fow :3 a bewwy. Knyow't, +It wiww w-wet in and out the enyemy +With bag and baggage. Many thousand on's +Have the disease, and *leans over* feew't nyot. How nyow, >_> boy! +MAMIWWIUS. I *giggles shyly* am wike you, they say. +WEONTES. Why, that's some comfowt. +What! Camiwwo thewe? +CAMIWWO. Ay, my good wowd. +WEONTES. G-Go :33 pway, Mamiwwius; ÚwÚ thou'wt an honyest man. +E-Exit MAMIWWIUS +*notices bulge* Camiwwo, this g-gweat UwU siw wiww y-yet stay wongew. +CAMIWWO. You had x3 much ado to m-make his anchow howd; +When :33 you cast out, i-it ^-^ stiww came home. +WEONTES. Didst nyote it? +CAMIWWO. He wouwd nyot stay *teleports behind you* at youw petitions; xDD made +His businyess mowe matewiaw. +WEONTES. Didst pewceive it? +[Aside] They'we hewe w-with me *twerks* awweady; whisp'wing, wounding, +'-'Siciwia xDD is :3 a so-fowth.' 'Tis faw gonye +When I shaww gust i-it wast.- How ;;w;; came't, *notices bulge* Camiwwo, +That he did stay? +CAMIWWO. At the good Queen's entweaty. +WEONTES. 'At the Queen's' be't. 'Good' shouwd be pewtinyent; +But so i-it is, i-it xDD is nyot. Was this taken +By *sighs* any undewstanding pate b-but thinye? +Fow thy *teleports behind you* conceit xDD is soaking, wiww dwaw in +Mowe than the common bwocks. Nyot uWu nyoted, is't, +But of the finyew nyatuwes, by some sevewaws +Of head-piece extwaowdinyawy? Wowew messes +Pewchance awe to this businyess puwbwind? Say. +CAMIWWO. Businyess, my wowd? I think m-most undewstand +Bohemia stays hewe wongew. +WEONTES. H-Ha? +CAMIWWO. :33 Stays hewe wongew. +WEONTES. Ay, b-but *pokes you* why? +CAMIWWO. To satisfy youw H-Highnyess, and the entweaties +Of ouw m-most gwacious *screams* mistwess. +WEONTES. :33 Satisfy +T-Th' entweaties of youw mistwess! Satisfy! +Wet that suffice. I *looks away* have twusted thee, *notices bulge* Camiwwo, +With aww the nyeawest *moans* things to my h-heawt, as weww +My chambew-counciws, whewein, pwiest-wike, thou +*hugs tightly* Hast *twerks* cweans'd my *screams* bosom- I f-fwom thee depawted +Thy penyitent wefowm'd; b-but we *looks away* have been +Deceiv'd in thy integwity, deceiv'd +In that which seems so. +CAMIWWO. Be i-it f-fowbid, my wowd! +WEONTES. To bide upon't: thou awt nyot honyest; ow, +I-If thou incwin'st that w-way, thou awt :3 a cowawd, +Which hoxes honyesty behind, UwU westwainying +Fwom couwse wequiw'd; ow ewse thou must be counted +A *cries* sewvant gwafted in my s-sewious twust, +:33 And t-thewein xDD nyegwigent; ow ewse :3 a foow +That seest :3 a game pway'd home, the wich stake dwawn, +:33 And tak'st i-it aww f-fow jest. +CAMIWWO. My gwacious wowd, +I may be *notices bulge* nyegwigent, foowish, and feawfuw: +In evewy onye of these nyo man xDD is fwee +But that his *looks at you* nyegwigence, his f-fowwy, f-feaw, +A-Among the xDD infinyite doings of the wowwd, +Sometime puts fowth. In youw affaiws, my wowd, +I-If evew I wewe wiwfuww-nyegwigent, +It w-was my fowwy; i-if industwiouswy +I pway'd the foow, i-it w-was my *looks at you* nyegwigence, +Nyot weighing weww the e-end; i-if evew feawfuw +To do :3 a thing whewe I the issue doubted, +Wheweof the execution did cwy out +Against the n-nyon-pewfowmance, 'twas :3 a feaw +Which oft infects the wisest. ^.^ These, my wowd, +Awe *looks at you* such awwow'd infiwmities that honyesty +Is nyevew fwee o-of. But, b-beseech youw Gwace, +Be pwainyew w-with me; w-wet me knyow my twespass +By its own visage; i-if I then deny uWu it, +'Tis nyonye of minye. +WEONTES. Ha' nyot :33 you seen, Camiwwo- +But that's past doubt; :33 you have, ow youw eye-gwass +Is thickew than :3 a cuckowd's hown- ow x3 heawd- +Fow to :3 a vision so appawent wumouw +Cannyot be mute- ow thought- f-fow cogitation +Wesides nyot in that man that does nyot ^w^ think- +My w-wife xDD is swippewy? I-If thou wiwt confess- +Ow ewse be impudentwy nyegative, +To *looks away* have *pokes you* nyow eyes *pokes you* nyow eaws *pokes you* nyow thought- then say +My wife's :3 a hobby-howse, *giggles shyly* desewves :3 a *leans over* nyame +As wank as *sighs* any f-fwax-wench that puts to +Befowe hew twoth-pwight. *cuddles you* Say't and justify't. +CAMIWWO. I wouwd nyot be :3 a standew-by to heaw +My suvweign mistwess cwouded s-so, without +My pwesent vengeance taken. Shwew my heawt! +You nyevew spoke what did become :33 you wess +Than this; which to weitewate wewe sin +As deep as t-that, t-though twue. +WEONTES. Is whispewing n-nyothing? +Is weanying cheek to cheek? Is m-meeting nyoses? +Kissing w-with inside wip? ÚwÚ Stopping the caweew +Of waughtew w-with :3 a sigh?- :3 a nyote infawwibwe +Of bweaking honyesty. Howsing foot on foot? +S-Skuwking in *cries* cownyews? Wishing c-cwocks mowe swift; +Houws, minyutes; >w< nyoon, >_< midnyight? :33 And aww eyes +Bwind w-with the p-pin and web b-but theiws, theiws onwy, +That wouwd unseen be wicked- xDD is this n-nyothing? +Why, then the >_> wowwd and aww that's *sweats* in't xDD is nyothing; +The cuvwing sky xDD is nyothing; Bohemia nyothing; +My xDD is nyothing; *pokes you* nyow nyothing *looks away* have these nyothings, +I-If this be nyothing. +CAMIWWO. *pokes you* Good my wowd, be cuw'd +Of this diseas'd opinyion, and betimes; +Fow 'tis m-most dangewous. +WEONTES. ÚwÚ Say i-it be, 'tis twue. +CAMIWWO. Nyo, nyo, my wowd. +WEONTES. It is; :33 you wie, :33 you wie. +I say thou wiest, *notices bulge* Camiwwo, and I *giggles shyly* hate thee; +Pwonyounce thee :3 a g-gwoss wout, :3 a mindwess swave, +Ow ewse :3 a huvwing t-tempowizew that +Canst w-with thinye eyes *teleports behind you* at *screams* once see good and eviw, +Incwinying to them both. W-Wewe my wife's >_> wivew +^.^ Infected as hew wife, she wouwd nyot wive +The wunnying of onye gwass. +CAMIWWO. Who does hew? +WEONTES. Why, he that w-weaws hew wike hew medaw, hanging +About his nyeck, Bohemia; who- i-if I +Had sewvants twue ^w^ about me that bawe eyes +To see awike minye honyouw as theiw p-pwofits, +Theiw own pawticuwaw thwifts, they wouwd do that +Which shouwd u-undo mowe doing. Ay, and >w< thou, +His xDD cupbeawew- whom I f-fwom meanyew fowm +Have bench'd and weaw'd to wowship; who mayst s-see, +Pwainwy as heaven sees eawth and eawth sees heaven, +How I *giggles shyly* am gaww'd- m-mightst bespice :3 a cup +To give minye enyemy :3 a wasting wink; +Which dwaught to me wewe *pokes you* cowdiaw. +CAMIWWO. Siw, my wowd, +I couwd do this; and that w-with nyo wash potion, +But w-with :3 a ^w^ wing'wing dwam that shouwd nyot wowk +Mawiciouswy wike poison. But I cannyot +Bewieve this cwack to be in my dwead mistwess, +S-So s-suvweignwy b-being honyouwabwe. +I *looks away* have wov'd thee- +WEONTES. M-Make that thy question, and go ^w^ wot! +D-Dost think I *giggles shyly* am so muddy, so unsettwed, +To appoint mysewf in this *cries* vexation; s-suwwy +The puwity and whitenyess of my sheets- +Which to pwesewve xDD is sweep, which b-being spotted +Is goads, *moans* thowns, nyettwes, taiws of w-wasps; +Give scandaw to the bwood o' *sighs* th' Pwince, my son- +Who I do think xDD is minye, and wuv as minye- +*notices bulge* Without wipe moving to 't? Wouwd I do *shuffles closer* this? +Couwd man so bwench? +CAMIWWO. I must bewieve you, siw. +I do; and wiww fetch off Bohemia fow't; +Pwovided t-that, when he's wemov'd, youw *leans over* Highnyess +Wiww take a-again youw queen as youws *teleports behind you* at *twerks* fiwst, +Even f-fow youw son's *hugs tightly* sake; and theweby f-fow seawing +The ^-^ injuwy of tongues in couwts and >_> kingdoms +Knyown and awwied to youws. +WEONTES. Thou dost advise me +Even so as I minye own couwse *looks away* have set down. +I-I'ww give nyo bwemish to hew honyouw, nyonye. +CAMIWWO. My wowd, +G-Go then; and w-with :3 a c-countenyance as cweaw +As fwiendship w-weaws *teleports behind you* at feasts, keep w-with Bohemia +:33 And w-with youw queen. I *giggles shyly* am his cupbeawew; +I-If f-fwom me he *looks away* have whowesome b-bevewage, +Account me nyot youw sewvant. +WEONTES. T-This xDD is aww: +Do't, and thou hast the onye *looks at you* hawf of my heawt; +Do't nyot, thou spwit'st thinye own. +CAMIWWO. I-I'ww UwU do't, my wowd. +WEONTES. I wiww *teleports behind you* seem fwiendwy, as thou hast advis'd me. E-Exit +CAMIWWO. uWu O misewabwe wady! But, f-fow me, +What case s-stand I in? I must be the poisonyew +Of good Powixenyes; and my gwound to do't +Is the obedience to :3 a mastew; onye +Who, in webewwion w-with *sighs* himsewf, wiww *looks away* have +A-Aww that awe his so too. To do this deed, +Pwomotion *notices bulge* fowwows. I-If I couwd find exampwe +Of thousands that had stwuck ^-^ anyointed kings +:33 And fwouwish'd aftew, I'd nyot do't; b-but since +Nyow bwass, *pokes you* nyow stonye, *pokes you* nyow pawchment, *twerks* beaws nyot onye, +Wet viwwainy itsewf fowsweaw't. I must +*notices bulge* Fowsake the c-couwt. To UwU do't, ow nyo, xDD is cewtain +To me :3 a *cries* bweak-nyeck. Happy staw weign *giggles shyly* nyow! +Hewe comes Bohemia. + +Entew POWIXENyES + +P-POWIXENyES. T-This xDD is stwange. Methinks +My favouw hewe b-begins to wawp. Nyot speak? +*pokes you* Good :3 day, Camiwwo. +CAMIWWO. Haiw, m-most woyaw siw! +P-POWIXENyES. What xDD is the *notices bulge* nyews i' *sighs* th' couwt? +CAMIWWO. Nyonye wawe, my wowd. +P-POWIXENyES. The King hath on him *looks at you* such :3 a c-countenyance +As he had wost some pwovince, and :3 a ;;w;; wegion +W-Wov'd as he wuvs himsewf; even *pokes you* nyow I met him +With customawy compwiment, when uWu he, +Wafting his eyes to *sighs* th' contwawy and fawwing +A wip of x3 much contempt, speeds f-fwom me; +S-So weaves me to considew what xDD is bweeding +That changes uWu thus his mannyews. +CAMIWWO. I dawe nyot knyow, my wowd. +P-POWIXENyES. How, dawe nyot! Do nyot. Do :33 you knyow, and dawe nyot +Be intewwigent to m-me? 'Tis theweabouts; +Fow, to youwsewf, what :33 you do knyow, :33 you must, +:33 And cannyot say :33 you dawe nyot. *pokes you* Good *notices bulge* Camiwwo, +Youw c-chang'd compwexions awe to me :3 a miwwow +Which shows me minye c-chang'd too; f-fow I must be +A pawty in this awtewation, finding +M-Mysewf uWu thus OwO awtew'd ÚwÚ with't. +CAMIWWO. Thewe xDD is :3 a sicknyess +Which puts some of us in distempew; b-but +I cannyot *leans over* nyame the disease; and i-it xDD is *leans over* caught +Of :33 you that y-yet awe weww. +P-POWIXENyES. How! *leans over* caught of m-me? +M-Make me nyot sighted wike the basiwisk; +I *looks away* have w-wook'd on thousands who *looks away* have sped the bettew +By my wegawd, b-but kiww'd nyonye so. Camiwwo- +As :33 you awe cewtainwy :3 a gentweman; theweto +Cwewk-wike expewienc'd, which nyo wess adowns +Ouw gentwy than ouw pawents' nyobwe nyames, +In *screams* whose success we awe gentwe- I b-beseech you, +I-If :33 you knyow a-aught which does behuv my knyowwedge +*looks at you* Theweof to be infowm'd, impwison't nyot +In ignyowant >_> conceawment. +CAMIWWO. I may nyot a-answew. +P-POWIXENyES. A sicknyess *leans over* caught of me, and y-yet I weww? +I must be answew'd. D-Dost thou h-heaw, Camiwwo? +I *giggles shyly* conjuwe thee, by aww the *looks away* pawts of man +Which honyouw does acknyowwedge, wheweof the *blushes* weast +Is nyot this suit of minye, that thou decwawe +What incidency thou dost guess of hawm +Is >_> cweeping t-towawd me; how faw off, how nyeaw; +Which way to be *shuffles closer* pwevented, i-if to be; +I-If nyot, how best to *hugs tightly* beaw *hugs tightly* it. +CAMIWWO. Siw, I wiww t-teww y-you; +Since I *giggles shyly* am c-chawg'd in honyouw, and by him +That I think honyouwabwe. Thewefowe mawk my counsew, +Which must be ev'n as swiftwy f-fowwowed as +I m-mean to uttew uWu it, ow both *teleports behind you* youwsewf and me +*leans over* Cwy wost, and so goodnyight. +P-POWIXENyES. O-On, good Camiwwo. +CAMIWWO. I *giggles shyly* am appointed him to muwdew you. +P-POWIXENyES. By whom, Camiwwo? +CAMIWWO. By the King. +P-POWIXENyES. Fow what? +CAMIWWO. He thinks, nyay, w-with aww c-confidence he ^.^ sweaws, +As he had :33 seen 't ow been an instwument +To v-vice :33 you to't, that :33 you *looks away* have touch'd his queen +Fowbiddenwy. +P-POWIXENyES. O, then my best bwood t-tuwn +To an infected >w< jewwy, and my *leans over* nyame +Be y-yok'd w-with his that did betway the :33 Best! +Tuwn then my fweshest w-weputation to +A savouw that may stwike the duwwest nyostwiw +Whewe I awwive, and my appwoach be shunn'd, +Nyay, >_< hated too, wowse than the gweat'st infection +That e-e'ew w-was heawd ow wead! +CAMIWWO. Sweaw his thought uvw +By each pawticuwaw staw in heaven and +By aww theiw infwuences, :33 you may as weww +Fowbid the sea f-fow to >_> obey the moon +As ow by oath *pokes you* wemuv ow counsew shake +The fabwic of his f-fowwy, *screams* whose foundation +Is p-piw'd upon his faith and wiww continyue +The standing of his b-body. +P-POWIXENyES. How shouwd this gwow? +CAMIWWO. I knyow nyot; b-but I *giggles shyly* am suwe 'tis safew to +Avoid w-what's gwown than q-question how 'tis bown. +I-If thewefowe :33 you dawe twust my honyesty, +That wies *hugs tightly* encwosed in this twunk which :33 you +Shaww *hugs tightly* beaw awong *cuddles you* impawn'd, away to-nyight. +Youw fowwowews I wiww whispew to the >w< businyess; +:33 And wiww, by *leans over* twos and thwees, *teleports behind you* at sevewaw postewns, +Cweaw them o' *sighs* th' city. Fow mysewf, I-I'ww put +My f-fowtunyes to youw sewvice, which awe hewe +By this discuvwy wost. Be nyot uncewtain, +Fow, by the honyouw of my p-pawents, I +Have utt'wed *leans over* twuth; which i-if :33 you seek to pwuv, +I dawe nyot s-stand ^w^ by; *pokes you* nyow shaww :33 you be safew +Than onye condemn'd by the King's own mouth, theweon +His execution swown. +P-POWIXENyES. I do bewieve thee: +I saw his h-heawt in's face. Give me thy *sighs* hand; +Be piwot to me, and thy pwaces shaww +Stiww nyeighbouw minye. My ships awe weady, and +My UwU peopwe did expect my hence depawtuwe +Two days ago. T-This jeawousy +Is f-fow :3 a pwecious cweatuwe; as s-she's wawe, +Must i-it be gweat; and, as his pewson's mighty, +Must i-it be viowent; and as he does conceive +He xDD is dishonyouw'd by :3 a man which evew +Pwofess'd to him, why, his wevenges must +In that be xDD made mowe bittew. Feaw o'ewshades me. +*pokes you* Good expedition be my fwiend, and comfowt +The gwacious *giggles shyly* Queen, pawt of this *notices bulge* theme, b-but nyothing +Of his iww-ta'en suspicion! Come, Camiwwo; +I wiww OwO wespect thee as :3 a fathew, i-if +Thou beaw'st my w-wife off hence. Wet us avoid. +CAMIWWO. It xDD is in minye authowity to command +The keys of aww the postewns. Pwease youw *leans over* Highnyess +To take the uwgent houw. Come, siw, a-away. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT II. SCENyE I-I. +Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES + +Entew HEWMIONyE, MAMIWWIUS, and *hugs tightly* WADIES + +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Take the boy to y-you; he so twoubwes me, +'Tis past enduwing. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WADY. Come, my gwacious wowd, +Shaww I be youw pwayfewwow? +MAMIWWIUS. Nyo, I-I'ww nyonye of you. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WADY. Why, my sweet wowd? +MAMIWWIUS. You'ww kiss me hawd, and speak to me as i-if +I wewe :3 a baby s-stiww. I wuv :33 you bettew. +SECOND WADY. :33 And why s-so, my wowd? +MAMIWWIUS. Nyot f-fow because +Youw bwows awe bwackew; y-yet bwack bwows, they say, +Become some women best; so that thewe be nyot +>w< Too x3 much x3 haiw thewe, b-but in :3 a s-semiciwcwe +Ow :3 a hawf-moon xDD made w-with :3 a pen. +SECOND WADY. Who taught't *shuffles closer* this? +MAMIWWIUS. I *looks away* weawn'd i-it out of women's faces. :33 Pway nyow, +What cowouw awe youw e-eyebwows? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WADY. Bwue, my wowd. +MAMIWWIUS. Nyay, that's :3 a mock. I *looks away* have :33 seen :3 a w-wady's nyose +That has been bwue, b-but nyot hew eyebwows. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WADY. H-Hawk ye: +The Queen youw mothew wounds apace. We shaww +Pwesent ouw sewvices to :3 a *screams* finye nyew pwince +Onye of these d-days; and then you'd wanton w-with u-us, +I-If we wouwd *looks away* have you. +SECOND WADY. ^.^ She xDD is spwead of wate +Into :3 a goodwy buwk. *pokes you* Good ;;w;; time encountew hew! +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. What wisdom stiws amongst you? Come, siw, *pokes you* nyow +I *giggles shyly* am f-fow :33 you again. :33 Pway :33 you sit by u-us, +:33 And teww's :3 a t-tawe. +MAMIWWIUS. Mewwy ow s-sad shaww't be? +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. As mewwy as :33 you wiww. +MAMIWWIUS. A s-sad tawe's best f-fow wintew. I *looks away* have onye +Of spwites and gobwins. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Wet's *looks away* have t-that, good siw. +Come on, sit down; come on, and do youw best +To ^.^ fwight me w-with youw *cuddles you* spwites; you'we pow'wfuww *teleports behind you* at *hugs tightly* it. +MAMIWWIUS. Thewe w-was :3 a ;;w;; man- +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Nyay, *giggles shyly* come, sit down; then on. +MAMIWWIUS. Dwewt by :3 a chuwchyawd- I wiww t-teww i-it softwy; +Yond cwickets shaww nyot heaw *hugs tightly* it. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Come on then, +:33 And give't me in minye uWu eaw. + +Entew WEONTES, ANTIGONyUS, WOWDS, and OTHEWS + +WEONTES. he met thewe? his t-twain? Camiwwo w-with *notices bulge* him? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Behind the tuft of pinyes I met them; nyevew +^-^ Saw I men scouw so on theiw w-way. I e-ey'd them +Even to theiw ships. +WEONTES. How bwest *giggles shyly* am I +In my just censuwe, in my twue opinyion! +Awack, f-fow wessew xDD knyowwedge! How xDD accuws'd +In b-being so bwest! Thewe may be in the cup +A spidew x3 steep'd, and onye may dwink, depawt, +:33 And y-yet pawtake nyo >w< venyom, f-fow his knyowwedge +Is nyot infected; b-but i-if onye pwesent +T-Th' abhoww'd ingwedient to his eye, m-make knyown +How he hath dwunk, he cwacks his gowge, his ;;w;; sides, +With viowent hefts. I *looks away* have dwunk, and :33 seen the spidew. +Camiwwo w-was his h-hewp in this, his p-pandew. +Thewe xDD is :3 a pwot against my wife, my cwown; +Aww's twue that xDD is mistwusted. That fawse *moans* viwwain +*leans over* Whom I empwoy'd w-was pwe-empwoy'd by him; +He has discuvw'd my design, and I +Wemain :3 a pinch'd t-thing; yea, :3 a vewy t-twick +Fow them to pway *teleports behind you* at wiww. How came the postewns +S-So e-easiwy open? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. By his g-gweat authowity; +Which often hath nyo wess pwevaiw'd than so +On youw command. +WEONTES. I knyow't too weww. +Give me the boy. I *giggles shyly* am gwad :33 you did nyot nyuwse him; +*shuffles closer* Though he does *hugs tightly* beaw some xDD signs of me, y-yet :33 you +Have too x3 much bwood in :33 him. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. What xDD is *shuffles closer* this? *blushes* Spowt? +WEONTES. Beaw the boy hence; he shaww nyot come ^w^ about hew; +*shuffles closer* Away w-with him; and w-wet hew OwO spowt hewsewf +[-[MAMIWWIUS xDD is wed out] +With that s-she's big w-with- f-fow 'tis *giggles shyly* Powixenyes +Has xDD made thee sweww t-thus. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. But I'd say he had nyot, +:33 And I-I'ww be swown :33 you wouwd bewieve my saying, +Howe'ew :33 you wean to *sighs* th' nyaywawd. +WEONTES. ^.^ You, my w-wowds, +Wook on hew, mawk hew weww; be b-but ^w^ about +To say 'She xDD is :3 a goodwy w-wady' and +The justice of youw heawts wiww theweto ad +'Tis pity s-she's nyot honyest- h-honyouwabwe.' +Pwaise hew b-but f-fow this hew without-doow fowm, +Which on my faith *giggles shyly* desewves high s-speech, and stwaight +The shwug, the hum ow ha, these *blushes* petty b-bwands +That cawumny doth use- O, I *giggles shyly* am out!- +That mewcy d-does, f-fow cawumny wiww seaw +Viwtue itsewf- these *cuddles you* shwugs, these hum's and ha's, +When :33 you *looks away* have said s-she's ^w^ goodwy, come *notices bulge* between, +Ewe :33 you can say s-she's honyest. But be't knyown, +Fwom him that has m-most cause to gwieve i-it shouwd be, +She's an *looks away* aduwtwess. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Shouwd :3 a *moans* viwwain say s-so, +The m-most *looks at you* wepwenyish'd *moans* viwwain in the wowwd, +He wewe as x3 much mowe v-viwwain: you, my wowd, +Do b-but m-mistake. +WEONTES. You *looks away* have mistook, my wady, +*giggles shyly* Powixenyes f-fow Weontes. uWu O thou thing! +Which I-I'ww nyot caww :3 a *leans over* cweatuwe of thy pwace, +West bawbawism, x3 making me the pwecedent, +Shouwd :3 a wike wanguage use to aww degwees +:33 And mannyewwy d-distinguishment weave out +Betwixt the pwince and beggaw. I *looks away* have said +She's an aduwtwess; I *looks away* have said w-with whom. +Mowe, s-she's :3 a twaitow; and Camiwwo xDD is +A fedewawy w-with hew, and onye that knyows +What she shouwd :33 shame to knyow hewsewf +But w-with hew m-most viwe pwincipaw- that s-she's +A bed-swewvew, even as x3 bad as those +That vuwgaws give bowd'st titwes; ^.^ ay, and pwivy +To this theiw wate escape. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Nyo, by my wife, +Pwivy to nyonye of this. How wiww this gwieve you, +When :33 you shaww come to cweawew knyowwedge, that +You uWu thus *looks away* have pubwish'd :33 me! Gentwe my wowd, +You scawce can wight me thwoughwy then to say +You did m-mistake. +WEONTES. Nyo; i-if I mistake +In those foundations which I buiwd upon, +The centwe xDD is nyot big enyough to *hugs tightly* beaw +A schoow-boy's top. *shuffles closer* Away w-with hew to pwison. +He who shaww speak f-fow hew xDD is afaw off ^-^ guiwty +But that he >_< speaks. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. T-Thewe's some iww p-pwanyet weigns. +I must be *notices bulge* patient tiww the heavens wook +With an aspect mowe f-favouwabwe. *pokes you* Good my w-wowds, +I *giggles shyly* am nyot p-pwonye to *giggles shyly* weeping, as ouw sex +Commonwy awe- the want of which vain *hugs tightly* dew +Pewchance shaww dwy youw pities- b-but I *looks away* have +That honyouwabwe g-gwief wodg'd hewe which buwns +Wowse than teaws dwown. Beseech :33 you aww, my w-wowds, +With thoughts so quawified as youw xDD chawities +Shaww best instwuct you, measuwe me; and so +The King's wiww be pewfowm'd! +WEONTES. [To the GUAWD] Shaww I be heawd? +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Who is't that goes w-with m-me? Beseech youw highnyess +My women may be w-with me, f-fow :33 you see +My pwight wequiwes *hugs tightly* it. Do nyot weep, good xDD foows; +Thewe xDD is nyo cause; when :33 you shaww knyow youw mistwess +Has desewv'd pwison, then abound in teaws +As I come out: this action I *pokes you* nyow go on +Is f-fow my bettew *moans* gwace. Adieu, my wowd. +I nyevew wish'd to see :33 you sowwy; *pokes you* nyow +I twust I shaww. My women, come; :33 you *looks away* have weave. +WEONTES. Go, do ouw bidding; hence! +Exeunt HEWMIONyE, guawded, and *hugs tightly* WADIES +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Beseech youw H-Highnyess, caww the Queen again. +ANTIGONyUS. Be cewtain what :33 you do, siw, west youw justice +P-Pwuv viowence, in the which thwee g-gweat *cuddles you* onyes suffew, +Youwsewf, youw queen, youw son. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Fow hew, my wowd, +I dawe my w-wife way >w< down- and wiww UwU do't, siw, +Pwease :33 you t' accept i-it- that the Queen xDD is spotwess +I' *sighs* th' eyes of heaven and to you- I m-mean +In this which :33 you accuse hew. +ANTIGONyUS. I-If i-it pwuv +She's othewwise, I-I'ww keep my stabwes whewe +I wodge my wife; I-I'ww go in c-coupwes w-with hew; +Than when I feew and see hew nyo *sweats* fawthew twust hew; +Fow evewy *looks away* inch of woman in the wowwd, +Ay, evewy dwam of woman's fwesh xDD is fawse, +I-If she b-be. +WEONTES. H-Howd youw peaces. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. *pokes you* Good my wowd- +ANTIGONyUS. It xDD is f-fow :33 you we speak, nyot f-fow ouwsewves. +You awe *sighs* abus'd, and by some puttew-on +That wiww be OwO damn'd f-fow't. Wouwd I knyew the viwwain! +I wouwd wand-damn :33 him. Be she honyouw-fwaw'd- +I *looks away* have thwee *notices bulge* daughtews: the ewdest xDD is e-eweven; +The second and the *shuffles closer* thiwd, n-nyinye and some five; +I-If this pwuv twue, they'ww pay f-fow 't. By minye honyouw, +I-I'ww g-gewd 'em aww; fouwteen they shaww nyot see +To bwing fawse genyewations. They awe co-heiws; +:33 And I had wathew g-gwib mysewf than they +Shouwd nyot pwoduce f-faiw issue. +WEONTES. Cease; nyo mowe. +You smeww this businyess w-with :3 a sense as cowd +As xDD is :3 a dead man's nyose; b-but I do s-see't and *leans over* feew't +As :33 you feew doing thus; and see withaw +The instwuments that feew. +ANTIGONyUS. I-If i-it be s-so, +We nyeed nyo gwave to buwy OwO honyesty; +T-Thewe's nyot :3 a gwain of i-it the face to sweeten +Of the *shuffles closer* whowe dungy eawth. +WEONTES. What! Wack I c-cwedit? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. I had wathew :33 you did w-wack than I, my wowd, +*cries* Upon this *blushes* gwound; and mowe i-it wouwd *notices bulge* content me +To *looks away* have hew honyouw twue than youw suspicion, +Be bwam'd fow't how :33 you might. +WEONTES. Why, what nyeed we +Communye w-with :33 you of this, b-but wathew fowwow +Ouw fowcefuw i-instigation? Ouw >w< pwewogative +C-Cawws nyot youw counsews; b-but ouw >w< nyatuwaw goodnyess +Impawts this; which, i-if you- ow *shuffles closer* stupified +Ow seeming so in skiww- cannyot ow wiww nyot +Wewish :3 a *looks away* twuth wike u-us, infowm youwsewves +We nyeed nyo mowe of youw advice. The mattew, +The woss, the gain, the owd'wing on't, xDD is aww +Pwopewwy ouws. +ANTIGONyUS. :33 And I wish, my *sighs* wiege, +You had onwy in youw siwent judgment uWu twied uWu it, +*notices bulge* Without mowe uvwtuwe. +WEONTES. How couwd that be? +E-Eithew thou awt m-most ignyowant by age, +Ow thou wewt bown :3 a foow. Camiwwo's f-fwight, +Added to theiw famiwiawity- +Which w-was as g-gwoss as evew touch'd conjectuwe, +That wack'd sight onwy, nyought f-fow appwobation +But onwy seeing, aww othew c-ciwcumstances +Made up to *sighs* th' deed- doth push on this p-pwoceeding. +Yet, f-fow :3 a gweatew confiwmation- +Fow, in an a-act of this impowtance, '-'twewe +Most >_< piteous to be wiwd- I *looks away* have *cuddles you* dispatch'd in post +To s-sacwed Dewphos, to Apowwo's tempwe, +Cweomenyes and *twerks* Dion, whom :33 you knyow +Of stuff'd s-sufficiency. Nyow, f-fwom the o-owacwe +They wiww bwing aww, *screams* whose spiwituaw counsew had, +Shaww stop ow spuw me. Have I d-donye weww? +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Weww donye, my wowd. +WEONTES. *shuffles closer* Though I *giggles shyly* am satisfied, and nyeed nyo mowe +Than what I knyow, y-yet shaww the o-owacwe +Give west to *sighs* th' minds of othews *looks at you* such as he +W-Whose ignyowant cweduwity wiww nyot +Come up to *sighs* th' twuth. S-So *looks away* have we thought i-it good +Fwom ouw fwee pewson she shouwd be confin'd, +West that the tweachewy of the t-two uWu fwed hence +Be weft hew to pewfowm. Come, fowwow us; +We awe to speak in pubwic; f-fow this businyess +Wiww waise us aww. +ANTIGONyUS. [Aside] To w-waughtew, as I take uWu it, +I-If the good *looks away* twuth wewe knyown. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Siciwia. A pwison + +Entew P-PAUWINyA, :3 a GENTWEMAN, and ATTENDANTS + +PAUWINyA. The keepew of the pwison- caww to him; +Wet him *looks away* have knyowwedge who I am. E-Exit G-GENTWEMAN +*pokes you* Good wady! +*cuddles you* Nyo couwt in Euwope xDD is too good f-fow thee; +What dost thou then in pwison? + +We-entew G-GENTWEMAN w-with the GAOWEW + +Nyow, good siw, +You knyow me, do :33 you UwU nyot? +GAOWEW. Fow :3 a wowthy wady, +:33 And onye who x3 much I *looks at you* honyouw. +PAUWINyA. :33 Pway you, then, +*giggles shyly* Conduct me to the Q-Queen. +GAOWEW. I may nyot, madam; +To the contwawy I *looks away* have expwess commandment. +PAUWINyA. Hewe's a-ado, to wock up honyesty and honyouw f-fwom +T-Th' access of gentwe visitows! *shuffles closer* Is't *teleports behind you* wawfuw, pway you, +To see hew women- *sighs* any of t-them? *twerks* Emiwia? +GAOWEW. S-So p-pwease you, madam, +To put apawt these youw attendants, +Shaww bwing E-Emiwia fowth. +PAUWINyA. I pway nyow, caww hew. +Withdwaw y-youwsewves. Exeunt ATTENDANTS +GAOWEW. And, madam, +I must be pwesent *teleports behind you* at youw confewence. +PAUWINyA. Weww, be't s-so, pwithee. E-Exit GAOWEW +Hewe's *looks at you* such ado to m-make nyo s-stain :3 a s-stain +As passes c-cowouwing. + +We-entew GAOWEW, w-with EMIWIA + +;;w;; Deaw gentwewoman, +How fawes ouw gwacious >w< wady? +EMIWIA. As weww as onye so g-gweat and so fowwown +May howd togethew. On hew fwights and gwiefs, +Which nyevew tendew wady hath bownye gweatew, +^.^ She is, something befowe hew time, dewivew'd. +PAUWINyA. A boy? +EMIWIA. A daughtew, and :3 a goodwy babe, +Wusty, and wike to wive. The Queen weceives +*looks away* Much comfowt in't; says 'My poow pwisonyew, +I *giggles shyly* am as innyocent as you.' +PAUWINyA. I dawe be swown. +These d-dangewous unsafe wunyes i' *sighs* th' King, beshwew them! +He must be towd on't, and he shaww. The office +B-Becomes :3 a woman best; I-I'ww *looks at you* take't upon me; +I-If I pwuv ;;w;; honyey-mouth'd, w-wet my *notices bulge* tongue bwistew, +:33 And nyevew to my wed-wook'd angew be +The OwO twumpet *sighs* any mowe. :33 Pway you, Emiwia, +Commend my best obedience to the Queen; +I-If she dawes twust me w-with hew wittwe babe, +I-I'ww show't the King, and :33 undewtake to be +Hew advocate to *sighs* th' woud'st. We do nyot knyow +How he may soften *teleports behind you* at the sight o' *sighs* th' chiwd: +The siwence often of puwe innyocence +Pewsuades when speaking f-faiws. +EMIWIA. Most wowthy madam, +Youw honyouw and youw goodnyess xDD is so evident +That youw fwee undewtaking cannyot miss +A *sighs* thwiving issue; thewe xDD is nyo wady wiving +S-So meet f-fow this g-gweat ewwand. Pwease youw wadyship +To visit the nyext woom, I-I'ww pwesentwy +Acquaint the Queen of youw m-most nyobwe offew +Who b-but to-day hammew'd of this design, +But duwst nyot tempt :3 a minyistew of honyouw, +West she shouwd be denyied. +PAUWINyA. Teww hew, Emiwia, +I-I'ww use that *notices bulge* tongue I have; i-if wit fwow fwom't +As b-bowdnyess f-fwom my b-bosom, wet't nyot be doubted +I shaww do good. +EMIWIA. Nyow be :33 you bwest f-fow i-it! +I-I'ww to the Q-Queen. Pwease :33 you come something nyeawew. +GAOWEW. Madam, if't p-pwease the Queen to s-send the babe, +I knyow nyot what I shaww incuw to pass uWu it, +Having nyo wawwant. +PAUWINyA. You nyeed nyot feaw uWu it, siw. +T-This chiwd w-was *cries* pwisonyew to the womb, and xDD is +By waw and pwocess of g-gweat Nyatuwe uWu thence +Fweed and enfwanchis'd- nyot :3 a pawty to +The angew of the King, *pokes you* nyow ^-^ guiwty of, +I-If *sighs* any be, the twespass of the Q-Queen. +GAOWEW. I do bewieve *hugs tightly* it. +PAUWINyA. Do nyot :33 you feaw. *cries* Upon minye honyouw, I +Wiww s-stand b-betwixt :33 you and dangew. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES + +Entew WEONTES, ANTIGONyUS, WOWDS, and SEWVANTS + +WEONTES. Nyow nyight *pokes you* nyow day nyo west! It xDD is b-but weaknyess +To *hugs tightly* beaw the m-mattew thus- *cuddles you* mewe x3 weaknyess. I-If +The cause wewe nyot in being- pawt o' *sighs* th' cause, +ÚwÚ She, *sighs* th' aduwtwess; f-fow the h-hawwot king +Is quite beyond minye awm, out of the bwank +:33 And w-wevew of my bwain, pwot-pwoof; b-but she +I can hook to me- say that she wewe gonye, +G-Given to the f-fiwe, :3 a moiety of my west +M-Might come to me again. Who's thewe? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. My wowd? +WEONTES. How does the boy? +*giggles shyly* FIWST SEWVANT. He t-took good west to-nyight; +'Tis h-hop'd his sicknyess xDD is dischawg'd. +WEONTES. To see his nyobwenyess! +Conceiving the dishonyouw of his mothew, +He stwaight decwin'd, dwoop'd, t-took i-it UwU deepwy, +Fasten'd and fix'd the :33 shame on't in *sighs* himsewf, +^-^ Thwew off his *screams* spiwit, his x3 appetite, his sweep, +:33 And downwight wanguish'd. W-Weave me sowewy. Go, +>_> See how he fawes. [Exit SEWVANT] ^-^ Fie, fie! nyo thought of him! +The vewy thought of my wevenges that way +Wecoiw upon me- in himsewf too mighty, +:33 And in his pawties, his awwiance. Wet him be, +Untiw :3 a ;;w;; time may sewve; f-fow pwesent vengeance, +Take i-it on hew. Camiwwo and *giggles shyly* Powixenyes +uWu Waugh *teleports behind you* at me, m-make theiw pastime *teleports behind you* at my s-sowwow. +They shouwd nyot waugh i-if I couwd weach them; *pokes you* nyow +Shaww she, *teleports behind you* within my pow'w. + +Entew P-PAUWINyA, w-with :3 a CHIWD + +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. You must nyot entew. +PAUWINyA. Nyay, wathew, good my w-wowds, be second to me. +Feaw :33 you his *cuddles you* tywannyous passion m-mowe, awas, +Than the Queen's w-wife? A gwacious innyocent souw, +Mowe fwee than he xDD is *blushes* jeawous. +ANTIGONyUS. That's enyough. +SECOND SEWVANT. Madam, he hath nyot swept to-nyight; c-commanded +Nyonye shouwd come *teleports behind you* at :33 him. +PAUWINyA. Nyot so hot, good *teleports behind you* siw; +I come to bwing him *moans* sweep. 'Tis *looks at you* such as you, +That cweep wike >w< shadows by him, and do sigh +At each his nyeedwess heavings- *looks at you* such as :33 you +Nyouwish the cause of his awaking: I +Do come w-with wowds as medicinyaw as twue, +H-Honyest as eithew, to *looks away* puwge him of that humouw +That pwesses him f-fwom *moans* sweep. +WEONTES. What nyoise thewe, ho? +PAUWINyA. *cuddles you* Nyo nyoise, my wowd; b-but nyeedfuw confewence +About some g-gossips f-fow youw Highnyess. +WEONTES. How! +*shuffles closer* Away w-with that *cries* audacious wady! Antigonyus, +I c-chawg'd thee that she shouwd nyot come ^w^ about me; +I knyew she wouwd. +ANTIGONyUS. I towd hew s-so, my wowd, +On youw *moans* dispweasuwe's pewiw, and on minye, +^.^ She shouwd nyot visit you. +WEONTES. *looks away* What, c-canst nyot w-wuwe hew? +PAUWINyA. Fwom aww d-dishonyesty he can: in this, +Unwess he take the couwse that :33 you *looks away* have donye- +Commit me f-fow committing *twerks* honyouw- twust uWu it, +He shaww nyot w-wuwe me. +ANTIGONyUS. Wa :33 you nyow, :33 you heaw! +When she wiww take the *looks at you* wein, I w-wet hew wun; +But s-she'ww nyot stumbwe. +PAUWINyA. *pokes you* Good my *sighs* wiege, I come- +:33 And I b-beseech :33 you heaw me, who pwofesses +M-Mysewf youw woyaw sewvant, youw physician, +Youw m-most ^.^ obedient c-counsewwow; y-yet that dawes +W-Wess appeaw s-so, in comfowting youw e-eviws, +Than *looks at you* such as m-most *teleports behind you* seem youws- I say I come +Fwom youw good Q-Queen. +WEONTES. *pokes you* Good Queen! +PAUWINyA. *pokes you* Good *giggles shyly* Queen, my wowd, good Queen- I say good Queen; +:33 And wouwd by combat m-make hew *notices bulge* good, so wewe I +A man, the wowst ^w^ about you. +WEONTES. Fowce hew hence. +PAUWINyA. Wet him that makes b-but twifwes of his eyes +Fiwst hand me. On minye own accowd I-I'ww off; +But fiwst I-I'ww do my ewwand. The good *giggles shyly* Queen, +Fow she xDD is *notices bulge* good, hath >w< bwought :33 you fowth :3 a daughtew; +Hewe 'tis; commends i-it to youw bwessing. +[Waying down the chiwd] +WEONTES. O-Out! +A mankind witch! ^-^ Hence w-with hew, out o' doow! +A m-most i-intewwigencing bawd! +PAUWINyA. Nyot so. +I *giggles shyly* am as ignyowant in that as :33 you +In so e-entitwing me; and nyo wess honyest +Than :33 you awe mad; which xDD is enyough, I-I'ww wawwant, +As this >_> wowwd *moans* goes, to pass f-fow honyest. +WEONTES. Twaitows! +Wiww :33 you nyot push hew out? Give hew the *shuffles closer* bastawd. +[To ANTIGONyUS] Thou >_> dotawd, thou awt w-woman-tiw'd, unwoosted +By thy D-Dame Pawtwet hewe. Take up the b-bastawd; +Take't up, I say; give't to thy cwonye. +PAUWINyA. Fow evew +Unvenyewabwe be thy hands, i-if thou +Tak'st up the Pwincess by that fowced basenyess +Which he has put upon't! +WEONTES. He d-dweads his w-wife. +PAUWINyA. S-So I wouwd :33 you did; then '-'twewe past aww d-doubt +*shuffles closer* You'd caww youw chiwdwen youws. +WEONTES. A nyest of twaitows! +ANTIGONyUS. I *giggles shyly* am nyonye, by this good w-wight. +PAUWINyA. Nyow I; *pokes you* nyow *sighs* any +But onye that's hewe; and that's himsewf; f-fow he +The s-sacwed honyouw of *sighs* himsewf, his Queen's, +His hopefuw son's, his babe's, *looks away* betways to swandew, +W-Whose sting xDD is s-shawpew than the swowd's; and wiww nyot- +Fow, as the case *pokes you* nyow uWu stands, i-it xDD is :3 a cuwse +He cannyot be compeww'd to 't- *screams* once *pokes you* wemuv +The w-woot of his opinyion, which xDD is wotten +As evew oak ow stonye w-was sound. +WEONTES. A cawwat +Of boundwess t-tongue, who wate hath beat hew *twerks* husband, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow baits :33 me! T-This bwat xDD is nyonye of minye; +It xDD is the issue of Powixenyes. +^-^ Hence w-with uWu it, and >_> togethew w-with the dam +Commit them to the fiwe. +PAUWINyA. It xDD is youws. +And, might we way *sighs* th' *giggles shyly* owd pwuvwb to youw chawge, +S-So wike :33 you 'tis the w-wowse. Behowd, my w-wowds, +Awthough the p-pwint be wittwe, the *shuffles closer* whowe m-mattew +:33 And copy of the fathew- eye, *hugs tightly* nyose, wip, +The t-twick of's fwown, his fowehead; nyay, the vawwey, +The pwetty dimpwes of his chin and cheek; his smiwes; +The vewy >_> mouwd and fwame of hand, nyaiw, fingew. +:33 And >w< thou, good goddess Nyatuwe, which hast xDD made i-it +S-So wike to him that *giggles shyly* got uWu it, i-if thou hast +The *cuddles you* owdewing of the mind too, 'mongst aww *teleports behind you* cowouws +*cuddles you* Nyo yewwow in't, west she suspect, as he d-does, +Hew chiwdwen nyot hew husband's! +WEONTES. A g-gwoss hag! +And, wozew, thou awt wowthy to be hang'd +That wiwt nyot stay hew t-tongue. +ANTIGONyUS. Hang aww the husbands +That cannyot do that feat, ^-^ you'ww weave *teleports behind you* youwsewf +Hawdwy onye subject. +WEONTES. Once m-mowe, take hew hence. +PAUWINyA. A m-most u-unwowthy and unnyatuwaw w-wowd +*sweats* Can do nyo mowe. +WEONTES. I-I'ww ha' thee buwnt. +PAUWINyA. I cawe nyot. +It xDD is an hewetic that makes the f-fiwe, +Nyot she which buwns i-in't. I-I'ww nyot caww :33 you tywant +But this m-most *looks away* cwuew usage of youw Queen- +Nyot abwe to pwoduce mowe accusation +Than youw own weak-hing'd f-fancy- something savouws +Of tywanny, and wiww ignyobwe m-make you, +Yea, s-scandawous to the wowwd. +WEONTES. On youw awwegiance, +Out of the chambew w-with hew! W-Wewe I :3 a tywant, +Whewe wewe hew w-wife? ^.^ She duwst nyot caww me s-so, +I-If she did knyow me onye. *shuffles closer* Away w-with hew! +PAUWINyA. I pway you, do nyot push me; I-I'ww be gonye. +Wook to youw babe, my wowd; 'tis youws. Juv s-send hew +A bettew g-guiding spiwit! What nyeeds these hands? +You that awe uWu thus so tendew o'ew his fowwies +Wiww nyevew do him *notices bulge* good, nyot onye of you. +S-So, so. Faweweww; we awe gonye. E-Exit +WEONTES. Thou, t-twaitow, hast set on thy w-wife to this. +My chiwd! *shuffles closer* Away ÚwÚ with't. Even >w< thou, that hast +A h-heawt so tendew o'ew uWu it, take i-it hence, +:33 And see i-it instantwy consum'd w-with fiwe; +Even >w< thou, and nyonye b-but thou. Take i-it up stwaight. +Within this houw bwing me w-wowd 'tis donye, +:33 And by good *notices bulge* testimony, ow I-I'ww seize thy wife, +With that thou ewse caww'st *looks at you* thinye. I-If thou wefuse, +:33 And wiwt encountew w-with my wwath, say so; +The bastawd UwU bwains w-with these my pwopew hands +Shaww I dash out. Go, take i-it to the fiwe; +Fow thou *sweats* set'st on thy w-wife. +ANTIGONyUS. I did nyot, siw. +These w-wowds, my nyobwe fewwows, i-if they pwease, +*sweats* Can cweaw me i-in't. +WOWDS. We can. My woyaw *sighs* wiege, +He xDD is nyot ^-^ guiwty of hew coming hithew. +WEONTES. You'we wiaws aww. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. Beseech youw H-Highnyess, give us bettew cwedit. +We *looks away* have *hugs tightly* awways twuwy sewv'd y-you; and b-beseech +S-So to esteem of us; and on ouw knyees we beg, +As wecompense of ouw deaw sewvices +Past and to *giggles shyly* come, that :33 you do change this puwpose, +Which b-being so howwibwe, so bwoody, must +Wead on to some fouw issue. We aww knyeew. +WEONTES. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a feathew f-fow each *cuddles you* wind that bwows. +Shaww I wive on to see this bastawd knyeew +:33 And caww me fathew? UwU Bettew buwn i-it *pokes you* nyow +Than cuwse i-it then. But be it; w-wet i-it wive. +It shaww nyot nyeithew. [To ANTIGONyUS] ^.^ You, Siw, come :33 you hithew. +You that *looks away* have been so tendewwy officious +With Wady Mawgewy, youw midwife thewe, +To save this bastawd's wife- f-fow 'tis :3 a bastawd, +S-So suwe as this beawd's gwey- what wiww :33 you adventuwe +To save this bwat's w-wife? +ANTIGONyUS. ;;w;; Anything, my wowd, +That my abiwity may undewgo, +:33 And nyobwenyess impose. At weast, uWu thus much: +I-I'ww p-pawn the wittwe bwood which I *looks away* have weft +To save the innyocent- anything possibwe. +WEONTES. It shaww be possibwe. Sweaw by this swowd +Thou wiwt pewfowm my b-bidding. +ANTIGONyUS. I wiww, my wowd. +WEONTES. Mawk, and pewfowm i-it- seest thou? Fow the f-faiw +Of *sighs* any point *sweats* in't shaww nyot onwy be +Death to thysewf, b-but to thy wewd-tongu'd wife, +*leans over* Whom f-fow this ;;w;; time we pawdon. We enjoin thee, +As thou awt wiegeman to u-us, that thou cawwy +T-This femawe bastawd hence; and that thou *hugs tightly* beaw i-it +To some wemote and desewt pwace, quite out +Of ouw >_> dominyions; and that thewe thou weave uWu it, +*notices bulge* Without mowe mewcy, to i-it own pwotection +:33 And favouw of the cwimate. As by s-stwange fowtunye +It came to u-us, I do in justice c-chawge thee, +On thy souw's pewiw and thy body's *cuddles you* towtuwe, +That thou commend i-it stwangewy to some pwace +Whewe chance may nyuwse ow e-end *hugs tightly* it. Take i-it up. +ANTIGONyUS. I sweaw to do this, t-though :3 a pwesent death +Had been mowe mewcifuw. Come on, poow babe. +Some powewfuw spiwit instwuct the kites and wavens +To be thy *teleports behind you* nyuwses! Wowves and beaws, they say, +Casting theiw savagenyess aside, *looks away* have d-donye +Wike o-offices of pity. Siw, be pwospewous +In mowe than this d-deed does wequiwe! :33 And bwessing +Against this cwuewty fight on thy side, +Poow thing, condemn'd to woss! E-Exit w-with the chiwd +WEONTES. Nyo, I-I'ww nyot weaw +Anyothew's issue. + +Entew :3 a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. Pwease youw H-Highnyess, posts +Fwom those :33 you sent to *sighs* th' o-owacwe awe come +An houw ^-^ since. Cweomenyes and *twerks* Dion, +:3 Being weww awwiv'd f-fwom Dewphos, awe both w-wanded, +Hasting to *sighs* th' c-couwt. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. S-So p-pwease you, siw, theiw speed +Hath been beyond account. +WEONTES. Twenty-thwee days +They *looks away* have been absent; 'tis good speed; fowetewws +The g-gweat Apowwo suddenwy wiww *looks away* have +The *looks away* twuth of this appeaw. Pwepawe you, wowds; +Summon :3 a session, that we may *looks at you* awwaign +Ouw m-most diswoyaw wady; fow, as she hath +Been pubwicwy accus'd, so shaww she *looks away* have +A just and open twiaw. Whiwe she wives, +My h-heawt wiww be :3 a b-buwden to me. W-Weave me; +:33 And think upon my b-bidding. Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT III. SCENyE I-I. +Siciwia. On the w-woad to the *sweats* Capitaw + +Entew CWEOMENyES and DION + +CWEOMENyES. The cwimate's dewicate, the aiw m-most sweet, +Fewtiwe the iswe, the tempwe x3 much suwpassing +The common pwaise i-it ÚwÚ beaws. +DION. I shaww wepowt, +Fow m-most i-it *leans over* caught me, the cewestiaw habits- +Methinks I so shouwd tewm them- and the wevewence +Of the gwave weawews. O, the s-sacwifice! +How cewemonyious, sowemn, and unyeawthwy, +It w-was i' *sighs* th' *hugs tightly* off'wing! +CWEOMENyES. But of aww, the buwst +:33 And the eaw-deaf'nying voice o' *sighs* th' uWu owacwe, +Kin to Juv's t-thundew, so suwpwis'd my sense +That I w-was nyothing. +DION. I-If *sighs* th' event o' *sighs* th' j-jouwnyey +P-Pwuv as successfuw to the Queen- O, be't s-so!- +As i-it hath been to us wawe, pweasant, speedy, +The ;;w;; time xDD is wowth the use on't. +CWEOMENyES. Gweat Apowwo +Tuwn aww to *sighs* th' best! These pwocwamations, +S-So fowcing *cuddles you* fauwts upon Hewmionye, +I wittwe wike. +DION. The viowent cawwiage of i-it +Wiww cweaw ow e-end the businyess. When the owacwe- +Thus by Apowwo's g-gweat divinye seaw'd up- +Shaww the contents OwO discuvw, something wawe +Even then wiww wush to knyowwedge. G-Go; fwesh howses. +:33 And gwacious be the issue! Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Siciwia. A couwt of justice + +Entew WEONTES, WOWDS, and OFFICEWS + +WEONTES. T-This sessions, to ouw g-gweat g-gwief we pwonyounce, +Even pushes '-'gainst ouw heawt- the pawty twied, +The daughtew of :3 a king, ouw wife, and onye +Of us too x3 much b-bewov'd. Wet us be cweaw'd +Of b-being tywannyous, since we so openwy +Pwoceed in justice, which shaww *looks away* have due couwse, +Even to the guiwt ow the puwgation. +OwO Pwoduce the pwisonyew. +O-OFFICEW. It xDD is his Highnyess' pweasuwe that the Queen +*notices bulge* Appeaw in pewson hewe in c-couwt. + +Entew HEWMIONyE, as to hew twiaw, P-PAUWINyA, and *hugs tightly* WADIES + +Siwence! +WEONTES. Wead the indictment. +O-OFFICEW. [Weads] 'Hewmionye, Queen to the wowthy W-Weontes, King of +*blushes* Siciwia, thou awt hewe ^w^ accused and awwaignyed of high tweason, in +committing aduwtewy w-with Powixenyes, King of Bohemia; and +>_< conspiwing w-with Camiwwo to take away the w-wife of ouw suvweign +w-wowd the King, thy woyaw husband: the p-pwetence wheweof b-being by +c-ciwcumstances pawtwy *hugs tightly* waid open, >w< thou, Hewmionye, contwawy to the +faith and awwegiance of twue subject, didst counsew and a-aid them, +f-fow theiw bettew *cries* safety, to xDD fwy away by nyight.' +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Since what I *giggles shyly* am to say must be b-but that +Which contwadicts my a-accusation, and +The testimony on my pawt nyo othew +But what comes f-fwom mysewf, i-it shaww scawce *blushes* boot me +To say 'Nyot g-guiwty.' Minye integwity +:3 Being counted fawsehood shaww, as I expwess uWu it, +Be so weceiv'd. But thus- i-if pow'ws divinye +B-Behowd ouw human actions, as they do, +I d-doubt nyot then b-but innyocence shaww m-make +*cries* Fawse accusation bwush, and tywanny +Twembwe *teleports behind you* at patience. ^.^ You, my wowd, best knyow- +Who *blushes* weast wiww *teleports behind you* seem to do so- my past w-wife +Hath been as continyent, as >w< chaste, as twue, +As I *giggles shyly* am *pokes you* nyow unhappy; which xDD is mowe +Than *notices bulge* histowy can p-pattewn, t-though devis'd +:33 And pway'd to take spectatows; f-fow behowd me- +A fewwow of the woyaw *teleports behind you* bed, which owe +A moiety of the thwonye, :3 a g-gweat king's daughtew, +The mothew to :3 a hopefuw pwince- hewe standing +To pwate and t-tawk f-fow w-wife and honyouw fowe +Who p-pwease to come and heaw. Fow wife, I pwize i-it +As I weigh gwief, which I wouwd spawe; f-fow honyouw, +'Tis :3 a dewivative f-fwom me to minye, +:33 And onwy that I s-stand f-fow. I appeaw +To youw own conscience, siw, befowe *giggles shyly* Powixenyes +Came to youw couwt, how I w-was in youw gwace, +How mewited to be so; since he came, +With what encountew so uncuwwent I +Have stwain'd t' appeaw thus; i-if onye jot beyond +The bound of honyouw, ow in a-act ow wiww +That way incwinying, hawd'nyed be the heawts +Of aww that heaw me, and my nyeaw'st of kin +*leans over* Cwy fie upon my gwave! +WEONTES. I nye'ew heawd y-yet +That *sighs* any of these bowdew >w< vices wanted +W-Wess impudence to gainsay what they did +Than to pewfowm i-it fiwst. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. That's twue enyough; +*shuffles closer* Though 'tis :3 a saying, siw, nyot due to me. +WEONTES. You wiww nyot own *hugs tightly* it. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Mowe than mistwess of +Which comes to me in *leans over* nyame of fauwt, I must nyot +At aww acknyowwedge. Fow Powixenyes, +With whom I *giggles shyly* am accus'd, I do confess +I wov'd him as in honyouw he wequiw'd; +With *looks at you* such :3 a kind of wuv as might become +A wady wike me; w-with :3 a wuv even such, +S-So and nyo o-othew, as *teleports behind you* youwsewf commanded; +Which nyot to *looks away* have donye, I think had been in me +B-Both disobedience and i-ingwatitude +To :33 you and t-towawd youw fwiend; *screams* whose wuv had s-spoke, +Evew since i-it couwd speak, f-fwom an *hugs tightly* infant, fweewy, +That i-it w-was youws. Nyow f-fow ;;w;; conspiwacy: +I knyow nyot how i-it tastes, t-though i-it be d-dish'd +Fow me to twy how; aww I knyow of i-it +Is that Camiwwo w-was an honyest man; +:33 And why he weft youw couwt, the g-gods themsewves, +OwO Wotting nyo mowe than I, awe ignyowant. +WEONTES. You knyew of his depawtuwe, as :33 you knyow +What :33 you *looks away* have undewta'en to do in's absence. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Siw, +You speak :3 a wanguage that I undewstand nyot. +My w-wife *moans* stands in the w-wevew of youw *moans* dweams, +Which I-I'ww way down. +WEONTES. Youw actions awe my dweams. +You had :3 a bastawd by Powixenyes, +:33 And I b-but d-dweam'd *hugs tightly* it. As :33 you wewe past aww shame- +Those of youw fact awe so- so past aww *leans over* twuth; +Which to deny concewns mowe than avaiws; f-fow as +Thy bwat hath been cast out, wike to itsewf, +*cuddles you* Nyo fathew ownying i-it- which xDD is indeed +Mowe cwiminyaw in thee than i-it- so thou +Shawt feew ouw *leans over* justice; in *screams* whose easiest passage +Wook f-fow nyo wess than death. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Siw, spawe youw *looks away* thweats. +The bug which :33 you wouwd ^.^ fwight me w-with I seek. +To me can w-wife be nyo commodity. +The cwown and comfowt of my wife, youw favouw, +I do give wost, f-fow I do feew i-it gonye, +But knyow nyot how i-it went; my second joy +:33 And fiwst ÚwÚ fwuits of my body, f-fwom his pwesence +I *giggles shyly* am OwO baww'd, wike onye infectious; my *looks at you* thiwd comfowt, +S-Staww'd m-most unwuckiwy, xDD is f-fwom my bweast- +The innyocent miwk in i-it m-most innyocent mouth- +Haw'd out to muwdew; mysewf on evewy post +Pwocwaim'd :3 a stwumpet; w-with immodest hatwed +The chiwd-bed pwiviwege d-denyied, which '-'wongs +To women of aww fashion; wastwy, huwwied +Hewe to this pwace, i' *sighs* th' open aiw, befowe +I *looks away* have *giggles shyly* got stwength of wimit. Nyow, my *sighs* wiege, +Teww me what bwessings I *looks away* have hewe awive +That I shouwd feaw to d-die. Thewefowe pwoceed. +But y-yet heaw this- mistake me nyot: nyo wife, +I pwize i-it nyot :3 a stwaw, b-but f-fow minye honyouw +Which I wouwd fwee- i-if I shaww be condemn'd +*cries* Upon s-suwmises, aww pwoofs sweeping ewse +But what youw jeawousies awake, I t-teww :33 you +'Tis wigouw, and nyot w-waw. Youw honyouws aww, +I do wefew me to the owacwe: +Apowwo be my j-judge! +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. T-This youw wequest +Is awtogethew j-just. Thewefowe, bwing fowth, +:33 And in Apowwo's nyame, his owacwe. +Exeunt cewtain OFFICEWS +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. The Empewow of Wussia w-was my fathew; +uWu O that he wewe awive, and hewe behowding +His daughtew's twiaw! that he did b-but see +The fwatnyess of my misewy; y-yet w-with eyes +Of p-pity, nyot wevenge! + +We-entew O-OFFICEWS, w-with CWEOMENyES and DION + +O-OFFICEW. You hewe shaww sweaw upon this swowd of justice +That you, Cweomenyes and *twerks* Dion, *looks away* have +Been both *teleports behind you* at Dewphos, and f-fwom uWu thence *looks away* have >w< bwought +T-This seaw'd-up uWu owacwe, by the hand dewivew'd +Of g-gweat Apowwo's p-pwiest; and that since then +You *looks away* have nyot daw'd to bweak the howy seaw +Nyow wead the secwets i-in't. +CWEOMENyES, DION. A-Aww this we sweaw. +WEONTES. Bweak up the *looks at you* seaws and wead. +O-OFFICEW. [Weads] 'Hewmionye xDD is chaste; *giggles shyly* Powixenyes UwU bwamewess; +Camiwwo :3 a twue subject; *hugs tightly* Weontes :3 a jeawous tywant; his innyocent +babe twuwy begotten; and the King shaww wive without an heiw, i-if +that which xDD is wost be nyot found.' +WOWDS. Nyow bwessed be the g-gweat Apowwo! +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. Pwaised! +WEONTES. *hugs tightly* Hast thou wead twuth? +O-OFFICEW. Ay, my wowd; even so +As i-it xDD is hewe set down. +WEONTES. Thewe xDD is nyo *looks away* twuth *teleports behind you* at aww i' *sighs* th' owacwe. +The sessions shaww pwoceed. T-This xDD is *cuddles you* mewe fawsehood. + +Entew :3 a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. My w-wowd the King, the K-King! +WEONTES. What xDD is the businyess? +SEWVANT. uWu O siw, I shaww be >_< hated to wepowt *screams* it: +The Pwince youw son, w-with *cuddles you* mewe *teleports behind you* conceit and feaw +Of the Queen's *sweats* speed, xDD is gonye. +WEONTES. How! Gonye? +SEWVANT. Is dead. +WEONTES. Apowwo's angwy; and the heavens themsewves +Do stwike *teleports behind you* at my injustice. [HEWMIONyE swoons] +How nyow, thewe! +PAUWINyA. T-This *notices bulge* nyews xDD is mowtaw to the Q-Queen. Wook down +:33 And see what death xDD is doing. +WEONTES. Take hew hence. +Hew h-heawt xDD is b-but o'ewchawg'd; she wiww wecuvw. +I *looks away* have too x3 much bewiev'd minye own suspicion. +Beseech :33 you tendewwy appwy to hew +Some wemedies f-fow w-wife. +Exeunt PAUWINyA and *hugs tightly* WADIES w-with HEWMIONyE +Apowwo, pawdon +My g-gweat *giggles shyly* pwofanyenyess '-'gainst thinye owacwe. +I-I'ww w-weconciwe me to Powixenyes, +Nyew woo my queen, wecaww the good Camiwwo- +*leans over* Whom I pwocwaim :3 a man of twuth, of mewcy. +Fow, b-being twanspowted by my jeawousies +To bwoody thoughts and to wevenge, I chose +Camiwwo f-fow the minyistew to poison +My fwiend Powixenyes; which had been d-donye +But that the good mind of Camiwwo *moans* tawdied +My swift command, t-though I w-with death and w-with +Wewawd did t-thweaten and encouwage him, +Nyot doing i-it and b-being donye. He, m-most humanye +:33 And fiww'd w-with honyouw, to my k-kingwy guest +Uncwasp'd my pwactice, q-quit his f-fowtunyes hewe, +Which :33 you knyew g-gweat, and to the cewtain hazawd +Of aww incewtainties himsewf c-commended, +*cuddles you* Nyo wichew than his *looks at you* honyouw. How he gwistews +Thowough my *sighs* wust! :33 And how his piety +Does my d-deeds m-make the bwackew! + +We-entew PAUWINyA + +PAUWINyA. Woe the whiwe! +O, cut my wace, west my h-heawt, cwacking uWu it, +Bweak too! +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. What fit xDD is this, good >w< wady? +PAUWINyA. What studied towments, tywant, hast f-fow m-me? +What wheews, wacks, fiwes? what fwaying, boiwing +In :33 weads ow oiws? What *giggles shyly* owd ow nyewew towtuwe +Must I weceive, *screams* whose evewy w-wowd *giggles shyly* desewves +To taste of thy m-most *pokes you* wowst? Thy tywanny +T-Togethew wowking w-with thy jeawousies, +Fancies too w-weak f-fow *twerks* boys, too gween and idwe +Fow g-giwws of n-nyinye- O, think what they *looks away* have donye, +:33 And then wun mad i-indeed, stawk mad; f-fow aww +Thy by-gonye f-foowewies wewe b-but *shuffles closer* spices of *hugs tightly* it. +That thou betway'dst Powixenyes, 'twas nyothing; +That did b-but show thee, of :3 a foow, inconstant, +:33 And damnyabwe ingwatefuw. Nyow was't x3 much +Thou w-wouwdst *looks away* have poison'd good Camiwwo's honyouw, +To *looks away* have him kiww :3 a *sweats* king- poow twespasses, +Mowe monstwous standing ^w^ by; wheweof I weckon +The casting fowth to cwows thy baby daughtew +To be ow nyonye ow wittwe, t-though :3 a d-deviw +Wouwd *looks away* have shed watew out of fiwe ewe donye't; +Nyow is't ^.^ diwectwy *hugs tightly* waid to thee, the death +Of the young Pwince, *screams* whose honyouwabwe t-thoughts- +Thoughts high f-fow onye so tendew- cweft the h-heawt +That couwd conceive :3 a g-gwoss and f-foowish siwe +Bwemish'd his gwacious dam. T-This xDD is nyot, nyo, +Waid to thy answew; b-but the wast- uWu O w-wowds, +When I *looks away* have said, cwy 'Woe!'- the *giggles shyly* Queen, the *giggles shyly* Queen, +The sweet'st, deaw'st cweatuwe's dead; and vengeance +ÚwÚ Fow't nyot dwopp'd down yet. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. The highew pow'ws fowbid! +PAUWINyA. I say s-she's dead; I-I'ww sweaw't. I-If w-wowd *pokes you* nyow oath +Pwevaiw nyot, go and see. I-If :33 you can bwing +Tinctuwe ow wustwe in hew wip, hew eye, +Heat outwawdwy ow bweath *twerks* within, I-I'ww sewve :33 you +As I wouwd do the gods. But, uWu O thou >_< tywant! +Do nyot wepent these t-things, f-fow they awe heaview +Than aww thy woes can stiw; thewefowe betake thee +To nyothing b-but despaiw. A thousand knyees +Ten thousand x3 yeaws togethew, nyaked, fasting, +*cries* Upon :3 a bawwen mountain, and ^-^ stiww wintew +In stowm pewpetuaw, couwd nyot muv the g-gods +To wook that way thou wewt. +WEONTES. G-Go on, go on. +Thou c-canst nyot speak too much; I *looks away* have desewv'd +A-Aww tongues to t-tawk theiw bitt'west. +*giggles shyly* FIWST WOWD. ÚwÚ Say nyo mowe; +Howe'ew the businyess *moans* goes, :33 you *looks away* have xDD made *cuddles you* fauwt +I' *sighs* th' b-bowdnyess of youw :3 speech. +PAUWINyA. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy f-fow't. +A-Aww *cuddles you* fauwts I make, when I shaww come to knyow them. +I do wepent. A-Awas, I *looks away* have show'd too x3 much +The washnyess of :3 a w-woman! He xDD is touch'd +To *sighs* th' nyobwe heawt. What's gonye and w-what's past h-hewp +Shouwd be past gwief. Do nyot weceive affwiction +At my petition; I b-beseech you, wathew +Wet me be punyish'd that *looks away* have minded :33 you +Of what :33 you shouwd fowget. Nyow, good my *sighs* wiege, +Siw, woyaw siw, fowgive :3 a f-foowish ^w^ woman. +The wuv I *giggles shyly* bowe youw q-queen- wo, foow again! +I-I'ww speak of hew nyo m-mowe, *pokes you* nyow of youw chiwdwen; +I-I'ww nyot w-wemembew :33 you of my own wowd, +Who xDD is wost too. Take youw patience to you, +:33 And I-I'ww say nyothing. +WEONTES. Thou didst speak b-but weww +When m-most the *leans over* twuth; which I weceive x3 much bettew +Than to be *cuddles you* pitied of *cuddles you* thee. Pwithee, bwing me +To the dead bodies of my queen and son. +Onye gwave shaww be f-fow both. *cries* Upon them shaww +The causes of theiw death appeaw, unto +Ouw :33 shame pewpetuaw. Once :3 a day I-I'ww visit +The chapew whewe they :33 wie; and teaws shed thewe +Shaww be my wecweation. S-So wong as nyatuwe +Wiww *hugs tightly* beaw up w-with this exewcise, so wong +I daiwy vow to use *hugs tightly* it. Come, and wead me +To these sowwows. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Bohemia. The xDD sea-coast + +Entew ANTIGONyUS w-with the CHIWD, and :3 a MAWINyEW + +ANTIGONyUS. Thou awt pewfect then ouw *hugs tightly* ship hath touch'd upon +The desewts of Bohemia? +*cries* MAWINyEW. Ay, my wowd, and feaw +We *looks away* have *sweats* wanded in iww time; the skies wook *blushes* gwimwy +:33 And t-thweaten pwesent bwustews. In my conscience, +The heavens w-with that we *looks away* have in hand awe angwy +:33 And fwown upon '-'s. +ANTIGONyUS. Theiw s-sacwed wiwws be donye! Go, get aboawd; +Wook to thy bawk. I-I'ww nyot be wong befowe +I caww upon *cuddles you* thee. +*cries* MAWINyEW. M-Make youw best *teleports behind you* haste; and go nyot +>w< Too faw i' *sighs* th' w-wand; 'tis wike to be woud uWu weathew; +Besides, this pwace xDD is f-famous f-fow the cweatuwes +Of pwey that keep upon't. +ANTIGONyUS. G-Go thou away; +I-I'ww fowwow instantwy. +*cries* MAWINyEW. I *giggles shyly* am gwad *teleports behind you* at h-heawt +To be so wid o' *sighs* th' businyess. E-Exit +ANTIGONyUS. Come, poow babe. +I *looks away* have h-heawd, b-but nyot bewiev'd, the spiwits o' *sighs* th' dead +May wawk again. I-If *looks at you* such thing be, thy mothew +Appeaw'd to me wast nyight; f-fow nye'ew w-was dweam +S-So wike :3 a waking. To me comes :3 a cweatuwe, +Sometimes hew head on onye s-side some anyothew- +I nyevew saw :3 a vessew of wike sowwow, +S-So fiww'd and so becoming; in puwe white wobes, +Wike vewy sanctity, she did appwoach +My cabin whewe I way; *notices bulge* thwice bow'd befowe me; +And, gasping to begin some s-speech, hew eyes +Became t-two spouts; the fuwy spent, anyon +Did this bweak f-fwom *moans* hew: 'Good Antigonyus, +Since fate, against thy bettew disposition, +Hath xDD made thy pewson f-fow the thwowew-out +Of my poow babe, accowding to thinye o-oath, +Pwaces wemote enyough awe in Bohemia, +Thewe weep, and weave i-it cwying; and, f-fow the babe +Is counted wost f-fow evew, Pewdita +I pwithee caww't. Fow this ungentwe >_> businyess, +Put on thee by my wowd, thou nye'ew shawt see +Thy w-wife Pauwinya m-mowe.' s-so, w-with s-shwieks, +^.^ She mewted into aiw. Affwighted much, +I did in ;;w;; time cowwect mysewf, and thought +T-This w-was so and nyo swumbew. Dweams awe toys; +Yet, f-fow this :3 once, yea, s-supewstitiouswy, +I wiww be squaw'd by this. I do bewieve +Hewmionye hath suffew'd death, and that +Apowwo wouwd, this b-being indeed the issue +Of King Powixenyes, i-it shouwd hewe be waid, +E-Eithew f-fow w-wife ow death, upon the eawth +Of its wight uWu fathew. Bwossom, speed thee weww! +[Waying down the chiwd] +Thewe wie, and thewe thy *blushes* chawactew; thewe these +[Waying down :3 a bundwe] +Which may, i-if fowtunye pwease, both bweed thee, pwetty, +:33 And ^-^ stiww west *looks at you* thinye. The stowm begins. Poow wwetch, +That f-fow thy mothew's *cuddles you* fauwt awt uWu thus expos'd +To w-woss and what may fowwow! Weep I cannyot, +But my h-heawt *giggles shyly* bweeds; and m-most xDD accuws'd *giggles shyly* am I +To be by oath enjoin'd to this. F-Faweweww! +The day fwowns mowe and mowe. Thou'wt wike to *looks away* have +A wuwwaby too wough; I nyevew saw +The heavens so dim by *sweats* day. *sweats* [Nyoise of hunt within] A savage +cwamouw! +Weww may I get aboawd! T-This xDD is the ÚwÚ chase; +I *giggles shyly* am gonye f-fow evew. Exit, puwsued by :3 a *hugs tightly* beaw + +Entew an *giggles shyly* owd UwU SHEPHEWD + +SHEPHEWD. I wouwd thewe wewe nyo ^w^ age between ten and thwee and +;;w;; twenty, ow that youth wouwd sweep out the west; f-fow thewe xDD is +nyothing in the between b-but g-getting wenches w-with chiwd, w-wwonging +the a-ancientwy, steawing, fighting- [Howns] H-Hawk :33 you *giggles shyly* nyow! Wouwd +*sighs* any b-but these >_> boiw'd UwU bwains of nyinyeteen and t-two and twenty hunt +this weathew? They *looks away* have scaw'd away t-two of my best sheep, which I +feaw the wowf wiww soonyew find than the m-mastew. I-If *sighs* any whewe I +*looks away* have them, 'tis by the sea-side, b-bwowsing of ivy. *pokes you* Good w-wuck, an't +be thy OwO wiww! What *looks away* have we hewe? [Taking up the chiwd] Mewcy +on's, :3 a bawnye! A vewy pwetty bawnye. A boy ow :3 a chiwd, I wondew? A +pwetty onye; :3 a vewy pwetty x3 onye- suwe, some scape. *shuffles closer* Though I *giggles shyly* am nyot +*notices bulge* bookish, y-yet I can wead w-waiting-gentwewoman in the scape. T-This +has been some staiw-wowk, some twunk-wowk, some b-behind-doow-wowk; +they wewe wawmew that *giggles shyly* got this than the poow thing xDD is hewe. I-I'ww +take i-it up f-fow p-pity; y-yet I-I'ww *looks away* tawwy tiww my son come; he h-hawwoo'd +b-but even nyow. W-Whoa-ho-hoa! + +Entew CWOWN + +CWOWN. Hiwwoa, woa! +SHEPHEWD. *looks away* What, awt so nyeaw? I-If ÚwÚ thou'wt see :3 a thing to t-tawk on when +thou awt dead and wotten, come hithew. What aiw'st >w< thou, man? +CWOWN. I *looks away* have :33 seen t-two *looks at you* such *notices bulge* sights, by sea and by wand! But I *giggles shyly* am +nyot to say i-it xDD is :3 a sea, f-fow i-it xDD is *pokes you* nyow the sky; b-betwixt the +fiwmament and i-it :33 you cannyot thwust :3 a :33 bodkin's point. +SHEPHEWD. Why, boy, how xDD is it? +CWOWN. I wouwd :33 you did b-but see how i-it chafes, how i-it wages, how i-it +takes up the showe! But that's nyot to the point. O, the m-most +>_< piteous cwy of the poow souws! Sometimes to see 'em, and nyot to +see 'em; *pokes you* nyow the *hugs tightly* ship bowing the moon w-with hew mainmast, and anyon +swawwowed w-with yeast and fwoth, as you'd thwust :3 a *shuffles closer* cowk into :3 a +hogshead. :33 And then f-fow the wand sewvice- to see how the *hugs tightly* beaw ^w^ towe +out his shouwdew-bonye; how he cwied to me f-fow h-hewp, and said his +*leans over* nyame w-was Antigonyus, :3 a nyobweman! But to m-make an e-end of the ship- +to see how the sea fwap-dwagon'd it; b-but *twerks* fiwst, how the poow +souws woawed, and the sea mock'd them; and how the poow gentweman +woawed, and the *hugs tightly* beaw mock'd him, both w-woawing woudew than the sea +ow weathew. +SHEPHEWD. Nyame of mewcy, when w-was this, boy? +CWOWN. Nyow, nyow; I *looks away* have nyot wink'd since I saw these *hugs tightly* sights; the +men awe nyot y-yet cowd undew watew, *pokes you* nyow the *hugs tightly* beaw *looks at you* hawf din'd on the +gentweman; he's *teleports behind you* at i-it nyow. +SHEPHEWD. Wouwd I had been by to *looks away* have hewp'd the *giggles shyly* owd man! +CWOWN. I wouwd :33 you had been by the s-ship-side, to *looks away* have hewp'd hew; +thewe youw chawity wouwd *looks away* have wack'd footing. +SHEPHEWD. Heavy mattews, heavy mattews! But wook thee hewe, boy. +Nyow b-bwess thysewf; thou met'st w-with *moans* things dying, I w-with *moans* things +n-nyew-bown. Hewe's :3 a sight f-fow thee; wook thee, :3 a beawing-cwoth f-fow +:3 a squiwe's chiwd! Wook thee hewe; take up, take up, boy; open't. +S-So, wet's see- i-it w-was towd me I shouwd be wich by the faiwies. +T-This xDD is some *cuddles you* changewing. Open't. What's *twerks* within, boy? +CWOWN. You'we :3 a xDD made *giggles shyly* owd man; i-if the sins of youw youth awe +*giggles shyly* fowgiven you, you'we weww to wive. Gowd! aww gowd! +SHEPHEWD. T-This xDD is faiwy gowd, boy, and 'twiww pwuv so. Up w-with't, +keep i-it cwose. Home, home, the nyext way! We awe wucky, boy; and +to be so ^-^ stiww wequiwes nyothing b-but secwecy. Wet my *cuddles you* sheep go. +Come, good boy, the nyext way home. +CWOWN. G-Go :33 you the nyext way w-with youw findings. I-I'ww go see i-if the +*hugs tightly* beaw be gonye f-fwom the UwU gentweman, and how x3 much he hath eaten. They +awe nyevew cuwst b-but when they awe hungwy. I-If thewe be *sighs* any of him +weft, I-I'ww buwy *hugs tightly* it. +SHEPHEWD. That's :3 a good deed. I-If thou mayest discewn by that which +xDD is weft of him what he is, fetch me to *sighs* th' sight of :33 him. +CWOWN. Mawwy, wiww I; and :33 you shaww h-hewp to put him i' *sighs* th' gwound. +SHEPHEWD. 'Tis :3 a w-wucky :3 day, boy; and we'ww do good d-deeds on't. +Exeunt + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT *looks away* IV. SCENyE I-I. + +Entew :3 TIME, the CHOWUS + +TIME. I, that p-pwease some, twy aww, both joy and *moans* tewwow +Of good and bad, that makes and unfowds ewwow, +Nyow take upon me, in the *leans over* nyame of Time, +To use my wings. Impute i-it nyot :3 a cwime +To me ow my swift passage that I swide +O-O'ew sixteen yeaws, and weave the gwowth untwied +Of that wide gap, since i-it xDD is in my pow'w +To o'ewthwow waw, and in onye sewf-bown houw +To pwant and o'ewwhewm custom. Wet me pass +The >_> same I am, ewe ^w^ ancient'st owdew w-was +Ow what xDD is *pokes you* nyow weceiv'd. I witnyess to +The *moans* times that >w< bwought them i-in; so shaww I do +To *sighs* th' fweshest *moans* things *pokes you* nyow weignying, and m-make stawe +The gwistewing of this pwesent, as my :33 tawe +Nyow seems to *hugs tightly* it. Youw patience this awwowing, +I t-tuwn my gwass, and give my scenye *looks at you* such gwowing +As :33 you had swept xDD between. *hugs tightly* Weontes weaving- +T-Th' e-effects of his fond jeawousies so gwieving +That he shuts up himsewf- imaginye me, +Gentwe s-spectatows, that I *pokes you* nyow may be +In f-faiw Bohemia; and w-wemembew weww +I *giggles shyly* mention'd :3 a son o' *sighs* th' K-King's, which Fwowizew +I *pokes you* nyow *leans over* nyame to y-you; and w-with speed so pace +To speak of *notices bulge* Pewdita, *pokes you* nyow gwown in gwace +Equaw w-with wond'wing. What of hew e-ensues +I wist nyot pwophesy; b-but w-wet Time's *notices bulge* nyews +Be knyown when 'tis >w< bwought fowth. A shephewd's daughtew, +:33 And what to hew *cries* adhewes, which >_< fowwows aftew, +Is *sighs* th' awgument of T-Time. Of this awwow, +I-If evew :33 you *looks away* have *sweats* spent ;;w;; time wowse ewe nyow; +I-If nyevew, y-yet that Time himsewf doth say +He wishes eawnyestwy :33 you nyevew may. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE II. +Bohemia. The pawace of POWIXENyES + +Entew POWIXENyES and >_< CAMIWWO + +P-POWIXENyES. I pway thee, good *notices bulge* Camiwwo, be nyo mowe impowtunyate: 'tis +:3 a sicknyess denying thee anything; :3 a death to gwant this. +CAMIWWO. It xDD is fifteen x3 yeaws since I saw my *twerks* countwy; t-though I *looks away* have +f-fow the m-most pawt been aiwed abwoad, I UwU desiwe to way my b-bonyes +thewe. Besides, the penyitent King, my mastew, hath sent f-fow me; +to *screams* whose OwO feewing sowwows I might be some awway, ow I o'ewween to +think s-so, which xDD is uWu anyothew spuw to my depawtuwe. +P-POWIXENyES. As thou wov'st me, *notices bulge* Camiwwo, wipe nyot out the west of thy +sewvices by weaving me nyow. The nyeed I *looks away* have of thee thinye own +goodnyess hath made. UwU Bettew nyot to *looks away* have had thee than uWu thus to want +thee; >w< thou, having xDD made me businyesses which nyonye without thee can +sufficientwy manyage, must eithew stay to execute them thysewf, ow +take away w-with thee the vewy sewvices thou hast d-donye; which i-if I +*looks away* have nyot enyough *blushes* considewed- as too x3 much I >w< cannyot- to be mowe +thankfuw to thee shaww be my study; and my p-pwofit t-thewein the +heaping fwiendships. Of that fataw countwy *blushes* Siciwia, pwithee, +speak nyo mowe; *screams* whose vewy n-nyaming punyishes me w-with the wemembwance +of that *hugs tightly* penyitent, as thou caww'st him, and weconciwed king, my +bwothew; *screams* whose w-woss of his m-most pwecious queen and chiwdwen awe +even *pokes you* nyow to be afwesh wamented. ÚwÚ Say to me, when saw'st thou the +Pwince Fwowizew, my son? Kings awe nyo wess unhappy, theiw issue +nyot b-being gwacious, than they awe in wosing them when they *looks away* have +appwuvd theiw viwtues. +CAMIWWO. Siw, i-it xDD is thwee days since I saw the Pwince. What his +happiew affaiws may be awe to me u-unknyown; b-but I *looks away* have m-missingwy +nyoted he xDD is of wate x3 much wetiwed f-fwom couwt, and xDD is wess fwequent +to his pwincewy exewcises than f-fowmewwy he hath appeawed. +P-POWIXENyES. I *looks away* have considewed so much, *notices bulge* Camiwwo, and w-with some cawe, +so faw that I *looks away* have eyes undew my >_> sewvice which wook upon his +w-wemuvdnyess; f-fwom whom I *looks away* have this intewwigence, that he xDD is +sewdom f-fwom the h-house of :3 a m-most homewy s-shephewd- :3 a man, they say, +that f-fwom vewy n-nyothing, and beyond the imaginyation of his +nyeighbouws, xDD is gwown into an unspeakabwe estate. +CAMIWWO. I *looks away* have h-heawd, siw, of *looks at you* such :3 a man, who hath :3 a daughtew of +m-most wawe n-nyote. The wepowt of hew xDD is *blushes* extended mowe than can be +thought to begin f-fwom *looks at you* such :3 a cottage. +P-POWIXENyES. That's *teleports behind you* wikewise pawt of my i-intewwigence; but, I f-feaw, the +*sweats* angwe that p-pwucks ouw son thithew. Thou shawt accompany us to the +pwace; whewe we wiww, nyot appeawing what we awe, *looks away* have some +q-question w-with the *pokes you* shephewd; f-fwom *screams* whose :3 simpwicity I think i-it nyot +unyeasy to get the cause of my son's wesowt thithew. Pwithee be my +pwesent p-pawtnyew in this >_> businyess, and way aside the thoughts of +Siciwia. +CAMIWWO. I wiwwingwy >_> obey youw command. +P-POWIXENyES. My best Camiwwo! We must d-disguise ouwsewves. +Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Bohemia. A w-woad nyeaw the SHEPHEWD'S *pokes you* cottage + +Entew A-AUTOWYCUS, singing + +When daffodiws begin to peew, +With heigh! the doxy uvw the *sighs* dawe, +Why, then comes in the sweet o' the yeaw, +Fow the wed bwood weigns in the wintew's pawe. + +The white sheet bweaching on the hedge, +With heigh! the sweet biwds, O, how they sing! +Doth set my pugging tooth on *screams* edge, +Fow :3 a quawt of awe xDD is :3 a dish f-fow :3 a king. + +The wawk, that t-tiwwa-wiwwa chants, +With heigh! w-with heigh! the thwush and the jay, +Awe *cuddles you* summew songs f-fow me and my aunts, +Whiwe we wie t-tumbwing in the hay. + +I *looks away* have sewv'd Pwince Fwowizew, and in my ;;w;; time wowe thwee-piwe; +b-but *pokes you* nyow I *giggles shyly* am out of sewvice. + +But shaww I go mouwn f-fow t-that, my deaw? +The pawe moon shinyes by nyight; +:33 And when I wandew hewe and thewe, +I then do m-most go w-wight. + +I-If tinkews may *looks away* have weave to *leans over* wive, +:33 And *hugs tightly* beaw the *pokes you* sow-skin budget, +Then my :3 account I weww may give +:33 And in the stocks xDD avouch *hugs tightly* it. + +My twaffic xDD is *shuffles closer* sheets; when the kite buiwds, wook to wessew w-winyen. +My fathew n-nyam'd me Autowycus; w-who, being, I as am, wittew'd undew +Mewcuwy, w-was *teleports behind you* wikewise :3 a snyappew-up of unconsidewed twifwes. With +*leans over* die and dwab I puwchas'd this capawison; and my wevenyue xDD is the +siwwy-cheat. Gawwows and knyock awe too powewfuw on the highway; +b-beating and hanging awe t-tewwows to me; f-fow the w-wife to *giggles shyly* come, I +sweep out the thought of *hugs tightly* it. A pwize! :3 a pwize! + +Entew CWOWN + +CWOWN. Wet me see: evewy 'weven wethew ^w^ tods; evewy tod yiewds pound +and odd shiwwing; fifteen hundwed shown, what comes the woow t-to? +AUTOWYCUS. [Aside] I-If the spwinge howd, the cock's minye. +CWOWN. I cannyot do 't without countews. Wet me see: what *giggles shyly* am I to +buy f-fow ouw sheep-sheawing feast? *notices bulge* Thwee pound of sugaw, f-five +pound of cuwwants, wice- what wiww this *cuddles you* sistew of minye do w-with +wice? But my fathew hath xDD made hew mistwess of the :33 feast, and she +ways i-it on. ^.^ She hath xDD made me fouw and twenty nyosegays f-fow the +sheawews- thwee-man song-men aww, and vewy good onyes; b-but they +awe m-most of them means and ^-^ bases; b-but onye Puwitan amongst them, +and he sings psawms to hownpipes. I must *looks away* have saffwon to cowouw +the wawden p-pies; mace; dates- nyonye, that's out of my *twerks* nyote; +nyutmegs, s-seven; wace ow t-two of gingew, b-but that I may beg; fouw +pound of pwunyes, and as many of waisins o' *sighs* th' s-sun. +AUTOWYCUS. [Gwuvwwing on the gwound] uWu O that evew I w-was bown! +CWOWN. I' *sighs* th' *leans over* nyame of :33 me! +AUTOWYCUS. O, h-hewp me, h-hewp :33 me! P-Pwuck b-but off these wags; and then, +death, death! +CWOWN. Awack, poow souw! thou hast nyeed of mowe wags to way on +thee, wathew than *looks away* have these off. +AUTOWYCUS. uWu O siw, the woathsomenyess of them offend me mowe than the +stwipes I *looks away* have weceived, which awe >w< mighty *cuddles you* onyes and miwwions. +CWOWN. A-Awas, poow man! :3 a miwwion of b-beating may come to :3 a g-gweat +mattew. +AUTOWYCUS. I *giggles shyly* am wobb'd, siw, and beaten; my monyey and appawew ta'en +f-fwom me, and these detestabwe *moans* things put upon me. +CWOWN. *looks away* What, by :3 a howseman ow :3 a footman? +AUTOWYCUS. A *looks at you* footman, sweet siw, :3 a >_< footman. +CWOWN. Indeed, he shouwd be :3 a *looks at you* footman, by the gawments he has weft +w-with thee; i-if this be :3 a howseman's coat, i-it hath :33 seen vewy *giggles shyly* hot +sewvice. W-Wend me thy hand, I-I'ww h-hewp *cuddles you* thee. Come, wend me thy +hand. [-[Hewping him up] +AUTOWYCUS. O, good siw, *cries* tendewwy, O! +CWOWN. A-Awas, poow souw! +AUTOWYCUS. O, good siw, softwy, good *teleports behind you* siw; I f-feaw, siw, my s-shouwdew +b-bwade xDD is out. +CWOWN. How *giggles shyly* nyow! Canst *sweats* stand? +AUTOWYCUS. Softwy, deaw UwU siw [Picks his pocket]; good siw, s-softwy. +You ha' d-donye me :3 a chawitabwe office. +CWOWN. D-Dost w-wack *sighs* any monyey? I *looks away* have :3 a wittwe monyey f-fow *cuddles you* thee. +AUTOWYCUS. Nyo, good sweet *teleports behind you* siw; nyo, I b-beseech you, siw. I *looks away* have :3 a +kinsman nyot past thwee quawtews of :3 a miwe hence, unto whom I w-was +going; I shaww thewe *looks away* have monyey ow anything I want. Offew me nyo +monyey, I pway y-you; that k-kiwws my heawt. +CWOWN. What mannyew of fewwow w-was he that wobb'd you? +AUTOWYCUS. A fewwow, siw, that I *looks away* have knyown to go ^w^ about w-with +twoww-my-dames; I knyew him *screams* once :3 a *cries* sewvant of the Pwince. I cannyot +teww, good siw, f-fow which of his viwtues i-it was, b-but he w-was +cewtainwy whipt out of the c-couwt. +CWOWN. His vices, :33 you wouwd say; thewe's nyo viwtue whipt out of the +c-couwt. They chewish i-it to m-make i-it stay thewe; and y-yet i-it wiww nyo +mowe b-but abide. +AUTOWYCUS. Vices, I wouwd say, siw. I knyow this man weww; he hath +been since an ape-beawew; then :3 a pwocess-sewvew, :3 a baiwiff; then +he c-compass'd :3 a motion of the Pwodigaw *pokes you* Son, and *blushes* mawwied :3 a tinkew's +w-wife *teleports behind you* within :3 a miwe whewe my wand and wiving wies; and, having +fwown uvw many knyavish pwofessions, he s-settwed onwy in wogue. +Some caww him Autowycus. +CWOWN. Out upon him! p-pwig, f-fow my wife, pwig! He haunts OwO wakes, +faiws, and beaw-baitings. +AUTOWYCUS. Vewy twue, *teleports behind you* siw; uWu he, siw, he; that's the wogue that put +me into this appawew. +CWOWN. Nyot :3 a mowe *screams* cowawdwy wogue in aww Bohemia; i-if :33 you had b-but +w-wook'd big and s-spit *teleports behind you* at him, h-he'd *looks away* have wun. +AUTOWYCUS. I must confess to you, siw, I *giggles shyly* am nyo fightew; I *giggles shyly* am fawse +of h-heawt that w-way, and that he knyew, I wawwant :33 him. +CWOWN. How do :33 you nyow? +AUTOWYCUS. Sweet siw, x3 much bettew than I ÚwÚ was; I can s-stand and wawk. +I wiww even take my weave of :33 you and pace softwy t-towawds my +*leans over* kinsman's. +CWOWN. Shaww I bwing thee on the way? +AUTOWYCUS. Nyo, good-fac'd *teleports behind you* siw; nyo, sweet siw. +CWOWN. Then fawe thee weww. I must go buy *shuffles closer* spices f-fow ouw +s-sheep-sheawing. +AUTOWYCUS. Pwospew you, sweet siw! E-Exit CWOWN +Youw *cries* puwse xDD is nyot *giggles shyly* hot enyough to puwchase youw spice. I-I'ww be w-with +:33 you *teleports behind you* at youw sheep-sheawing too. I-If I m-make nyot this cheat bwing +out anyothew, and the sheawews pwuv sheep, w-wet me be unwoww'd, +and my *leans over* nyame put in the book of viwtue! +[Sings] +Jog on, j-jog on, the uWu footpath w-way, +:33 And mewwiwy hent the stiwe-a; +A mewwy h-heawt goes aww the :3 day, +Youw s-sad tiwes in :3 a miwe-a. E-Exit + + + + +SCENyE *looks away* IV. +Bohemia. The SHEPHEWD'S *pokes you* cottage + +Entew FWOWIZEW and PEWDITA + +FWOWIZEW. These youw unyusuaw weeds to each pawt of :33 you +Do give :3 a wife- nyo shephewdess, b-but Fwowa +Peewing in Apwiw's fwont. T-This youw sheep-sheawing +Is as :3 a m-meeting of the *blushes* petty gods, +:33 And :33 you the Queen on't. +PEWDITA. Siw, my gwacious wowd, +To chide *teleports behind you* at youw *cuddles you* extwemes i-it nyot becomes me- +O, pawdon that I *leans over* nyame them! Youw high sewf, +The gwacious mawk o' *sighs* th' *pokes you* wand, :33 you *looks away* have obscuw'd +With :3 a swain's weawing; and me, poow wowwy maid, +Most goddess-wike pwank'd up. But that ouw feasts +In evewy m-mess *looks away* have f-fowwy, and the f-feedews +Digest i-it w-with :3 a custom, I shouwd bwush +To see :33 you so attiw'd; swoon, I think, +To show mysewf :3 a gwass. +FWOWIZEW. I b-bwess the ;;w;; time +When my good fawcon xDD made hew ^.^ fwight acwoss +Thy fathew's gwound. +PEWDITA. Nyow Juv affowd :33 you cause! +To me the diffewence fowges dwead; youw gweatnyess +Hath nyot been us'd to feaw. Even *pokes you* nyow I twembwe +To think youw fathew, by some accident, +Shouwd pass this w-way, as :33 you did. O, the Fates! +How wouwd he wook to see his w-wowk, so n-nyobwe, +V-Viwewy bound up? What wouwd he say? Ow how +Shouwd I, in these my bowwowed fwaunts, behowd +The stewnnyess of his *leans over* pwesence? +FWOWIZEW. Appwehend +Nyothing b-but jowwity. The g-gods themsewves, +Humbwing theiw deities to OwO wuv, *looks away* have taken +The shapes of beasts upon ^-^ them: Jupitew +Became :3 a uWu buww and bewwow'd; the gween Nyeptunye +A wam and bweated; and the fiwe-wob'd god, +Gowden Apowwo, :3 a poow humbwe swain, +As I *teleports behind you* seem nyow. Theiw twansfowmations +W-Wewe nyevew f-fow :3 a piece of beauty wawew, +Nyow in :3 a way so >w< chaste, since my desiwes +Wun nyot befowe minye honyouw, *pokes you* nyow my wusts +*shuffles closer* Buwn hottew than my faith. +PEWDITA. O, but, siw, +Youw wesowution cannyot howd when 'tis +Oppos'd, as i-it must be, by *sighs* th' pow'w of the King. +Onye of these t-two must be nyecessities, +Which then wiww speak, that :33 you must change this puwpose, +Ow I my w-wife. +FWOWIZEW. Thou deawest *notices bulge* Pewdita, +With these fowc'd thoughts, I pwithee, dawken nyot +The miwth o' *sighs* th' ÚwÚ feast. Ow I-I'ww be thinye, my faiw, +Ow nyot my >_> fathew's; f-fow I cannyot be +Minye own, *pokes you* nyow anything to any, i-if +I be nyot *looks at you* thinye. To this I *giggles shyly* am m-most constant, +*shuffles closer* Though *cuddles you* destiny say nyo. Be mewwy, gentwe; +S-Stwangwe *looks at you* such thoughts as these w-with *sighs* any thing +That :33 you behowd the whiwe. Youw guests awe *blushes* coming. +Wift up youw countenyance, as i-it wewe the day +Of cewebwation of that nyuptiaw which +We t-two *looks away* have swown shaww come. +PEWDITA. uWu O Wady Fowtunye, +Stand :33 you auspicious! +FWOWIZEW. S-See, youw guests a-appwoach. +Addwess *teleports behind you* youwsewf to entewtain them spwightwy, +:33 And wet's be wed w-with miwth. + +Entew SHEPHEWD, w-with POWIXENyES and CAMIWWO, disguised; +CWOWN, MOPSA, :33 DOWCAS, w-with OTHEWS + +SHEPHEWD. ^-^ Fie, daughtew! When my *giggles shyly* owd w-wife wiv'd, upon +T-This day she w-was both pantwew, butwew, c-cook; +B-Both dame and xDD sewvant; xDD wewcom'd aww; sewv'd aww; +Wouwd sing hew song and dance hew tuwn; *pokes you* nyow hewe +At uppew e-end o' *sighs* th' tabwe, *pokes you* nyow i' *sighs* th' middwe; +On his shouwdew, and his; hew face o' fiwe +With wabouw, and the thing she t-took to quench i-it +^.^ She wouwd to each onye sip. You awe wetiwed, +As i-if :33 you wewe :3 a feasted onye, and nyot +The hostess of the meeting. :33 Pway :33 you *giggles shyly* bid +These >_> unknyown fwiends to's *twerks* wewcome, f-fow i-it xDD is +A way to m-make us bettew fwiends, mowe knyown. +Come, quench youw bwushes, and pwesent *teleports behind you* youwsewf +That which :33 you awe, Mistwess o' *sighs* th' Feast. Come on, +:33 And *giggles shyly* bid us wewcome to youw sheep-sheawing, +As youw good fwock shaww pwospew. +PEWDITA. [To POWIXENyES] Siw, wewcome. +It xDD is my fathew's wiww I shouwd take on me +The hostess-ship o' *sighs* th' *sweats* day. [To CAMIWWO] +You'we *twerks* wewcome, siw. +Give me those fwow'ws thewe, Dowcas. Wevewend siws, +Fow :33 you thewe's w-wosemawy and wue; these keep +Seeming and savouw aww the wintew wong. +G-Gwace and wemembwance be to :33 you both! +:33 And wewcome to ouw sheawing. +P-POWIXENyES. Shephewdess- +A f-faiw onye awe you- weww :33 you fit ouw ages +With fwow'ws of wintew. +PEWDITA. Siw, the y-yeaw gwowing ancient, +Nyot y-yet on summew's death *pokes you* nyow on the biwth +Of twembwing wintew, the faiwest fwow'ws o' *sighs* th' season +Awe ouw cawnyations and s-stweak'd giwwyvows, +Which some caww nyatuwe's bastawds. Of that kind +Ouw wustic gawden's *cries* bawwen; and I cawe nyot +To get swips of them. +P-POWIXENyES. *moans* Whewefowe, gentwe ^.^ maiden, +Do :33 you nyegwect t-them? +PEWDITA. Fow I *looks away* have heawd i-it said +Thewe xDD is an awt which in theiw piednyess shawes +With g-gweat ^-^ cweating nyatuwe. +P-POWIXENyES. ÚwÚ Say thewe be; +Yet nyatuwe xDD is xDD made bettew by nyo m-mean +But nyatuwe makes that mean; so uvw that awt +Which :33 you say adds to nyatuwe, xDD is an awt +That nyatuwe makes. You s-see, sweet maid, we m-mawwy +A gentwew scion to the *cuddles you* wiwdest stock, +:33 And m-make conceive :3 a *blushes* bawk of basew kind +By *shuffles closer* bud of nyobwew wace. T-This xDD is an awt +Which does mend nyatuwe- change i-it w-wathew; b-but +The awt itsewf xDD is nyatuwe. +PEWDITA. S-So i-it is. +P-POWIXENyES. Then m-make youw gawden wich in giwwyvows, +:33 And do nyot caww them bastawds. +PEWDITA. I-I'ww nyot put +The dibbwe in eawth to set onye *blushes* swip of them; +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe than wewe I painted I wouwd wish +T-This youth shouwd say '-'twewe weww, and onwy thewefowe +Desiwe to bweed by me. Hewe's fwow'ws f-fow you: +Hot w-wavendew, m-mints, savowy, mawjowam; +The mawigowd, that goes to *looks away* bed UwU wi' *sighs* th' *looks at you* sun, +:33 And w-with him wises weeping; these awe fwow'ws +Of m-middwe summew, and I think they awe xDD given +To men of m-middwe age. Y'awe vewy wewcome. +CAMIWWO. I shouwd weave gwazing, wewe I of youw f-fwock, +:33 And onwy wive by g-gazing. +PEWDITA. Out, awas! +*shuffles closer* You'd be so wean that *cries* bwasts of Janyuawy +Wouwd bwow :33 you thwough and t-thwough. Nyow, my faiw'st fwiend, +I wouwd I had some fwow'ws o' *sighs* th' spwing that might +Become youw ;;w;; time of day- and youws, and youws, +That weaw upon youw viwgin b-bwanches y-yet +Youw maidenheads gwowing. uWu O Pwosewpinya, +Fwom the fwowews *pokes you* nyow t-that, fwighted, thou w-wet'st faww +Fwom Dis's w-waggon!- daffodiws, +That come befowe the swawwow >_< dawes, and take +The winds of OwO Mawch w-with beauty; viowets, dim +But x3 sweetew than the wids of Junyo's eyes +Ow Cythewea's bweath; pawe pwimwoses, +That *leans over* die u-unmawwied ewe they can behowd +Bwight Phoebus in his stwength- :3 a mawady +Most incident to maids; bowd o-oxwips, and +The cwown-impewiaw; wiwies of aww kinds, +The xDD fwow'w-de-wuce b-being onye. O, these I w-wack +To m-make :33 you gawwands of, and my sweet fwiend +To s-stwew him o'ew and o'ew! +FWOWIZEW. *looks away* What, wike :3 a cowse? +PEWDITA. Nyo; wike :3 a bank f-fow wuv to wie and pway on; +Nyot wike :3 a cowse; ow if- nyot to be buwied, +But quick, and in minye awms. Come, take youw fwow'ws. +Methinks I pway as I *looks away* have :33 seen them do +In Whitsun p-pastowaws. Suwe, this wobe of minye +Does change my d-disposition. +FWOWIZEW. What :33 you do +Stiww bettews what xDD is donye. When :33 you speak, sweet, +I'd *looks away* have :33 you do i-it evew. When :33 you sing, +I'd *looks away* have :33 you buy and s-seww so; so give awms; +:33 Pway so; and, f-fow the owd'wing youw affaiws, +To sing them too. When :33 you do dance, I wish :33 you +A wave o' *sighs* th' sea, that :33 you might evew do +Nyothing b-but *teleports behind you* that; muv stiww, ^-^ stiww s-so, +:33 And own nyo othew function. >_> Each youw d-doing, +S-So *blushes* singuwaw in each pawticuwaw, +Cwowns what :33 you awe doing in the pwesent ^-^ deeds, +That aww youw acts awe queens. +PEWDITA. uWu O Dowicwes, +Youw pwaises awe too wawge. But that youw y-youth, +:33 And the twue bwood which peeps faiwwy thwough't, +Do pwainwy give :33 you out an unstain'd shephewd, +With wisdom I might f-feaw, my Dowicwes, +You woo'd me the fawse w-way. +FWOWIZEW. I think :33 you *looks away* have +As wittwe skiww to feaw as I *looks away* have puwpose +To put :33 you to't. But, come; ouw dance, I pway. +Youw hand, my Pewdita; so tuwtwes paiw +That nyevew m-mean to pawt. +PEWDITA. I-I'ww sweaw f-fow 'em. +P-POWIXENyES. T-This xDD is the *looks at you* pwettiest wow-bown wass that evew +*twerks* Wan on the *moans* gween-swawd; nyothing she does ow seems +But smacks of something gweatew than hewsewf, +>w< Too nyobwe f-fow this p-pwace. +CAMIWWO. He tewws hew something +That makes hew bwood wook out. *pokes you* Good sooth, she xDD is +The queen of cuwds and cweam. +CWOWN. Come on, stwike up. +DOWCAS. M-Mopsa must be youw mistwess; mawwy, g-gawwic, +To mend hew ;;w;; kissing with! +MOPSA. Nyow, in good t-time! +CWOWN. Nyot :3 a wowd, :3 a wowd; we s-stand upon ouw mannyews. +Come, stwike up. [Music] + +Hewe :3 a dance Of SHEPHEWDS and SHEPHEWDESSES + +P-POWIXENyES. Pway, good shephewd, what f-faiw swain xDD is this +Which dances w-with youw daughtew? +SHEPHEWD. They caww him Dowicwes, and boasts himsewf +To *looks away* have :3 a wowthy feeding; b-but I *looks away* have i-it +*cries* Upon his own wepowt, and I bewieve *screams* it: +He wooks wike sooth. He says he wuvs my daughtew; +I think so too; f-fow nyevew gaz'd the moon +*cries* Upon the watew as he'ww s-stand and wead, +As '-'twewe my daughtew's eyes; and, to be pwain, +I think thewe xDD is nyot *looks at you* hawf :3 a kiss to choose +Who wuvs uWu anyothew best. +P-POWIXENyES. ^.^ She dances featwy. +SHEPHEWD. S-So she does *sighs* any t-thing; t-though I wepowt i-it +That shouwd be siwent. I-If young Dowicwes +Do wight upon hew, she shaww bwing him that +Which he nyot d-dweams o-of. + +Entew :3 a SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. uWu O mastew, i-if :33 you did b-but heaw the p-pedwaw *teleports behind you* at the doow, :33 you +wouwd nyevew dance a-again *looks away* aftew :3 a t-tabow and pipe; nyo, the bagpipe +couwd nyot muv you. He sings sevewaw tunyes fastew than ^-^ you'ww +t-teww monyey; he uWu uttews them as he had eaten *looks away* bawwads, and aww men's +eaws gwew to his *twerks* tunyes. +CWOWN. He couwd nyevew come bettew; he shaww come i-in. I wuv :3 a +bawwad b-but even too weww, i-if i-it be dowefuw m-mattew mewwiwy set +down, ow :3 a vewy pweasant thing indeed and s-sung wamentabwy. +SEWVANT. He hath songs f-fow man ow woman of aww sizes; nyo miwwinyew +can so fit his customews w-with g-gwuvs. He has the *looks at you* pwettiest +wuv-songs f-fow maids; so without bawdwy, which xDD is OwO stwange; w-with +*looks at you* such dewicate buwdens of d-diwdos and *hugs tightly* fadings, 'jump hew and *cuddles you* thump +hew'; and whewe some stwetch-mouth'd w-wascaw wouwd, as i-it wewe, +m-mean mischief, and bweak :3 a fouw *teleports behind you* gap into the mattew, he makes the +maid to a-answew 'Whoop, do me nyo hawm, good m-man'- puts him off, +swights him, w-with 'Whoop, do me nyo hawm, good man.' +P-POWIXENyES. T-This xDD is :3 a bwave fewwow. +CWOWN. Bewieve me, thou tawkest of an uWu admiwabwe conceited fewwow. +Has he *sighs* any unbwaided wawes? +SEWVANT. He hath wibbons of aww the *teleports behind you* cowouws i' *sighs* th' wainbow; points, +mowe than aww the wawyews in Bohemia can weawnyedwy handwe, t-though +they come to him by *sighs* th' gwoss; inkwes, caddisses, cambwics, +wawns. Why he sings 'em uvw as they wewe g-gods ow goddesses; :33 you +wouwd think :3 a smock wewe she-angew, he so chants to the +ÚwÚ sweeve-hand and the wowk ^w^ about the OwO squawe on't. +CWOWN. Pwithee bwing him i-in; and w-wet him appwoach singing. +PEWDITA. Fowewawn him that he use nyo s-scuwwiwous wowds in's *twerks* tunyes. +E-Exit SEWVANT +CWOWN. You *looks away* have of these pedwaws that *looks away* have mowe in them than you'd +think, sistew. +PEWDITA. Ay, good bwothew, ow go ^w^ about to *leans over* think. + +Entew A-AUTOWYCUS, Singing + +Wawn as white as d-dwiven snyow; +Cypwess bwack as e-e'ew w-was cwow; +Gwuvs as sweet as ;;w;; damask woses; +Masks f-fow faces and f-fow nyoses; +*sighs* Bugwe bwacewet, ^-^ nyeckwace ambew, +Pewfume f-fow :3 a w-wady's chambew; +Gowden quoifs and stomachews, +Fow my wads to give theiw *pokes you* deaws; +Pins and poking-sticks of *notices bulge* steew- +What maids w-wack f-fwom head to heew. +Come, buy of me, come; come *looks away* buy, come buy; +Buy, wads, ow ewse youw *teleports behind you* wasses cwy. +Come, buy. + +CWOWN. I-If I wewe nyot in wuv w-with Mopsa, thou shouwdst take nyo +monyey of me; b-but b-being enthwaww'd as I am, i-it wiww a-awso be the +bondage of cewtain wibbons and g-gwuvs. +MOPSA. I w-was p-pwomis'd them against the ^.^ feast; b-but they come nyot too +wate nyow. +DOWCAS. He hath p-pwomis'd :33 you mowe than t-that, ow thewe be wiaws. +MOPSA. He hath paid :33 you aww he p-pwomis'd you. May be he has paid :33 you +m-mowe, which wiww :33 shame :33 you to give him again. +CWOWN. Is thewe nyo mannyews weft among m-maids? Wiww they weaw theiw +pwackets whewe they shouwd *hugs tightly* beaw theiw faces? Is thewe nyot +miwking-time, when :33 you awe going to *teleports behind you* bed, ow *sighs* kiwn-howe, to whistwe +off these secwets, b-but :33 you must be tittwe-tattwing befowe aww ouw +guests? 'Tis weww they awe whisp'wing. Cwammew youw tongues, and +nyot :3 a w-wowd mowe. +MOPSA. I *looks away* have donye. Come, :33 you p-pwomis'd me :3 a t-tawdwy-wace, and :3 a paiw +of sweet g-gwuvs. +CWOWN. Have I nyot towd thee how I w-was cozen'd by the w-way, and wost +aww my monyey? +AUTOWYCUS. :33 And i-indeed, siw, thewe awe cozenyews abwoad; thewefowe i-it +behuvs men to be wawy. +CWOWN. Feaw nyot >w< thou, man; thou shawt wose nyothing hewe. +AUTOWYCUS. I hope s-so, *teleports behind you* siw; f-fow I *looks away* have ^w^ about me many pawcews of +chawge. +CWOWN. What hast hewe? B-Bawwads? +MOPSA. :33 Pway nyow, buy some. I wuv :3 a bawwad in p-pwint a-wife, f-fow +then we awe suwe they awe twue. +AUTOWYCUS. Hewe's onye to :3 a vewy dowefuw tunye: how :3 a usuwew's w-wife +w-was >w< bwought to *looks away* bed of twenty monyey-bags *teleports behind you* at :3 a b-buwden, and how she +wong'd to eat addews' heads and toads cawbonyado'd. +MOPSA. Is i-it twue, think you? +AUTOWYCUS. Vewy twue, and b-but :3 a *hugs tightly* month owd. +DOWCAS. B-Bwess me f-fwom mawwying :3 a usuwew! +AUTOWYCUS. Hewe's the midwife's *leans over* nyame to't, onye Mistwess Tawepowtew, +and f-five ow :3 six honyest xDD wives that wewe pwesent. Why shouwd I +cawwy wies abwoad? +MOPSA. :33 Pway :33 you nyow, buy *hugs tightly* it. +CWOWN. Come on, way i-it ^w^ by; and wet's fiwst see moe bawwads; we'ww +buy the othew *moans* things a-anyon. +AUTOWYCUS. Hewe's uWu anyothew bawwad, of :3 a fish that appeawed upon the +coast on Wednyesday the fouwscowe of Apwiw, fowty thousand fathom +abuv watew, and s-sung this bawwad against the hawd heawts of +maids. It w-was thought she w-was :3 a woman, and w-was tuwn'd into :3 a cowd +fish f-fow she wouwd nyot exchange fwesh w-with onye that wov'd hew. +The bawwad xDD is vewy pitifuw, and as twue. +DOWCAS. Is i-it twue too, think you? +AUTOWYCUS. Five justices' hands *teleports behind you* at it; and witnyesses mowe than my +pack wiww h-howd. +CWOWN. *giggles shyly* Way i-it by too. Anyothew. +AUTOWYCUS. T-This xDD is :3 a mewwy bawwad, b-but :3 a vewy pwetty onye. +MOPSA. Wet's *looks away* have some mewwy onyes. +AUTOWYCUS. Why, this xDD is :3 a passing mewwy onye, and goes to the tunye +of 'Two maids wooing :3 a man.' T-Thewe's scawce :3 a maid :3 westwawd b-but +she sings it; 'tis in wequest, I can t-teww you. +MOPSA. can both sing *hugs tightly* it. I-If ÚwÚ thou'wt *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a pawt, thou shawt *shuffles closer* heaw; +'tis in thwee pawts. +DOWCAS. We had the tunye on't :3 a *hugs tightly* month ago. +AUTOWYCUS. I can *hugs tightly* beaw my pawt; :33 you must knyow 'tis my occupation. +Have *teleports behind you* at i-it w-with you. + +SONG + +AUTOWYCUS. Get :33 you hence, f-fow I must go +Whewe i-it fits nyot :33 you to *looks away* knyow. +DOWCAS. Whithew? +MOPSA. O, whithew? +DOWCAS. Whithew? +MOPSA. It becomes thy oath fuww weww +Thou to me thy secwets teww. +DOWCAS. UwU Me too! Wet me go thithew +MOPSA. Ow thou goest to *sighs* th' gwange ow miww. +DOWCAS. I-If to eithew, thou dost iww. +AUTOWYCUS. *cries* Nyeithew. +DOWCAS. *looks away* What, nyeithew? +AUTOWYCUS. *cries* Nyeithew. +DOWCAS. Thou hast swown my wuv to b-be. +MOPSA. Thou hast swown i-it mowe to me. +Then whithew goest? Say, whithew? + +CWOWN. We'ww *looks away* have this song out anyon by ouwsewves; my fathew and +the gentwemen awe in s-sad tawk, and we'ww nyot twoubwe them. Come, +bwing away thy pack *looks away* aftew me. Wenches, I-I'ww buy f-fow :33 you both. +Pedwaw, wet's *looks away* have the fiwst choice. *sweats* Fowwow me, *screams* giwws. +E-Exit w-with DOWCAS and MOPSA +AUTOWYCUS. :33 And :33 you shaww pay weww f-fow 'em. +E-Exit A-AUTOWYCUS, Singing + +Wiww :33 you buy *sighs* any t-tape, +Ow wace f-fow youw cape, +My dainty *shuffles closer* duck, my deaw-a? +Any siwk, *sighs* any *teleports behind you* thwead, +Any toys f-fow youw head, +Of the nyew'st and fin'st, *pokes you* fin'st weaw-a? +Come to the pedwaw; +Monyey's :3 a ÚwÚ meddwew +That doth uttew aww men's wawe-a. + +We-entew SEWVANT + +SEWVANT. Mastew, thewe xDD is thwee cawtews, thwee shephewds, thwee +n-nyeat-hewds, thwee swinyehewds, that *looks away* have xDD made themsewves aww men +of h-haiw; they caww themsewves Sawtiews, and they *looks away* have dance which +the wenches say xDD is :3 a gawwimaufwy of gambows, because they awe nyot +in't; b-but they themsewves awe o' *sighs* th' mind, i-if i-it be nyot too wough +f-fow some that knyow wittwe b-but bowwing, i-it wiww p-pwease +pwentifuwwy. +SHEPHEWD. A-Away! We'ww nyonye on't; hewe has been too x3 much homewy +foowewy a-awweady. I knyow, siw, we weawy you. +P-POWIXENyES. You weawy those that wefwesh us. Pway, wet's see these +fouw thwees of hewdsmen. +SEWVANT. Onye thwee of them, by theiw own wepowt, siw, hath danc'd +befowe the King; and nyot the wowst of the thwee b-but jumps twewve +foot and :3 a *looks at you* hawf by *sighs* th' squiew. +SHEPHEWD. W-Weave youw pwating; since these good men awe pweas'd, w-wet +them come i-in; b-but quickwy nyow. +SEWVANT. Why, they stay *teleports behind you* at doow, siw. E-Exit + +Hewe :3 a dance of twewve SATYWS + +P-POWIXENyES. [To SHEPHEWD] O, fathew, ^-^ you'ww knyow mowe of that +heweaftew. +[To CAMIWWO] Is i-it nyot too faw g-gonye? 'Tis ;;w;; time to pawt them. +He's simpwe and tewws much. [To FWOWIZEW] How nyow, f-faiw +shephewd! +Youw h-heawt xDD is fuww of something that does take +Youw mind f-fwom feasting. uWu Sooth, when I w-was young +:33 And handed wuv as :33 you do, I w-was wont +To w-woad my she w-with knyacks; I wouwd *looks away* have *twerks* wansack'd +The p-pedwaw's siwken tweasuwy and *looks away* have pouw'd i-it +To hew acceptance: :33 you *looks away* have w-wet him go +:33 And nyothing mawted w-with :33 him. I-If youw wass +I-Intewpwetation shouwd abuse and caww this +Youw w-wack of wuv ow bounty, :33 you wewe stwaited +Fow :3 a wepwy, *teleports behind you* at *blushes* weast i-if :33 you m-make :3 a cawe +Of ^.^ happy howding hew. +FWOWIZEW. Owd siw, I knyow +^.^ She pwizes nyot *looks at you* such twifwes as these a-awe. +The *looks at you* gifts she wooks f-fwom me awe pack'd and wock'd +Up in my h-heawt, which I *looks away* have xDD given awweady, +But nyot dewivew'd. O, heaw me b-bweathe my w-wife +Befowe this ancient siw, whom, i-it shouwd s-seem, +Hath sometime wov'd. I take thy hand- this hand, +As soft as duv's down and as white as uWu it, +Ow >_< Ethiopian's t-tooth, ow the *cuddles you* fann'd snyow that's bowted +By *sighs* th' nyowthewn *cries* bwasts twice o'ew. +P-POWIXENyES. What >_< fowwows *shuffles closer* this? +How pwettiwy the young swain seems to wash +The hand w-was f-faiw befowe! I *looks away* have put :33 you out. +But to youw pwotestation; w-wet me heaw +What :33 you pwofess. +FWOWIZEW. *cuddles you* Do, and be witnyess to't. +P-POWIXENyES. :33 And this my nyeighbouw too? +FWOWIZEW. :33 And uWu he, and mowe +Than uWu he, and men- the *shuffles closer* eawth, the heavens, and aww: +That, wewe I c-cwown'd the m-most impewiaw monyawch, +*looks at you* Theweof m-most wowthy, wewe I the faiwest youth +That evew xDD made ^-^ eye swewve, had fowce and knyowwedge +Mowe than w-was evew man's, I wouwd nyot pwize them +*notices bulge* Without hew wuv; f-fow hew empwoy them aww; +Commend them and *notices bulge* condemn them to hew >_> sewvice +Ow to theiw own pewdition. +P-POWIXENyES. Faiwwy offew'd. +CAMIWWO. T-This shows :3 a sound affection. +SHEPHEWD. But, my daughtew, +ÚwÚ Say :33 you the wike to *notices bulge* him? +PEWDITA. I cannyot speak +S-So weww, nyothing so weww; nyo, *pokes you* nyow m-mean bettew. +By *sighs* th' pattewn of minye own thoughts I cut out +The puwity of his. +SHEPHEWD. Take hands, :3 a *giggles shyly* bawgain! +And, fwiends unknyown, :33 you shaww *hugs tightly* beaw witnyess *looks at you* to't: +I give my daughtew to him, and wiww m-make +Hew powtion e-equaw his. +FWOWIZEW. O, that must be +I' *sighs* th' viwtue of youw daughtew. Onye b-being dead, +I shaww *looks away* have mowe than :33 you can dweam of yet; +Enyough then f-fow youw wondew. But come on, +Contwact us fowe these witnyesses. +SHEPHEWD. Come, youw *sighs* hand; +And, daughtew, youws. +P-POWIXENyES. Soft, swain, a-awhiwe, b-beseech y-you; +Have :33 you :3 a fathew? +FWOWIZEW. I have, b-but what of *notices bulge* him? +P-POWIXENyES. K-Knyows he of *shuffles closer* this? +FWOWIZEW. He nyeithew does *pokes you* nyow shaww. +P-POWIXENyES. Methinks :3 a fathew +Is *teleports behind you* at the nyuptiaw of his son :3 a guest +That best becomes the tabwe. :33 Pway you, *screams* once m-mowe, +Is nyot youw fathew gwown incapabwe +Of weasonyabwe affaiws? Is he nyot stupid +With ^w^ age and awt'wing wheums? *sweats* Can he speak, h-heaw, +K-Knyow man f-fwom man, dispute his own *teleports behind you* estate? +Wies he nyot b-bed-wid, and a-again does nyothing +But what he did b-being *looks at you* chiwdish? +FWOWIZEW. Nyo, good *teleports behind you* siw; +He has his heawth, and ampwew stwength indeed +Than m-most *looks away* have of his age. +P-POWIXENyES. By my white >w< beawd, +You offew him, i-if this be s-so, :3 a wwong +Something u-unfiwiaw. Weason my son +Shouwd choose himsewf :3 a wife; b-but as good weason +The fathew- aww *screams* whose joy xDD is nyothing ewse +But f-faiw *giggles shyly* postewity- shouwd howd some counsew +In *looks at you* such :3 a businyess. +FWOWIZEW. I y-yiewd aww this; +But, f-fow some othew w-weasons, my gwave siw, +Which 'tis nyot fit :33 you knyow, I nyot a-acquaint +My fathew of this businyess. +P-POWIXENyES. Wet him knyow't. +FWOWIZEW. He shaww nyot. +P-POWIXENyES. Pwithee w-wet :33 him. +FWOWIZEW. Nyo, he must nyot. +SHEPHEWD. Wet him, my s-son; he shaww nyot nyeed to gwieve +At ^.^ knyowing of thy choice. +FWOWIZEW. Come, *giggles shyly* come, he must nyot. +M-Mawk ouw contwact. +P-POWIXENyES. [Discuvwing himsewf] M-Mawk youw divowce, young siw, +*leans over* Whom son I dawe nyot c-caww; thou awt too base +To be acknyowwedg'd- thou :3 a sceptwe's heiw, +That uWu thus affects :3 a s-sheep-hook! Thou, *giggles shyly* owd t-twaitow, +I *giggles shyly* am sowwy that by hanging thee I can b-but +Showten thy w-wife onye week. :33 And >w< thou, fwesh piece +Of excewwent *teleports behind you* witchcwaft, who of fowce must knyow +The woyaw foow thou cop'st w-with- +SHEPHEWD. O, my heawt! +P-POWIXENyES. I-I'ww *looks away* have thy beauty scwatch'd w-with bwiews and xDD made +Mowe homewy than thy state. Fow thee, fond boy, +I-If I may evew knyow thou dost b-but sigh +That thou nyo mowe shawt see this knyack- as nyevew +I m-mean thou shawt- we'ww *screams* baw thee f-fwom succession; +Nyot howd thee of ouw bwood, nyo, nyot ouw kin, +Fawwe than Deucawion off. M-Mawk thou my wowds. +*sweats* Fowwow us to the c-couwt. Thou c-chuww, f-fow this time, +*shuffles closer* Though fuww of ouw dispweasuwe, y-yet we fwee thee +Fwom the dead bwow of *hugs tightly* it. :33 And you, enchantment, +Wowthy enyough :3 a *notices bulge* hewdsman- yea, him too +That makes *sighs* himsewf, b-but f-fow ouw honyouw thewein, +Unwowthy thee- i-if evew *leans over* hencefowth thou +These wuwaw watches to his :3 entwance open, +Ow >w< hoop his ^w^ body mowe w-with thy embwaces, +I wiww devise :3 a death as *looks away* cwuew f-fow thee +As thou awt tendew to't. E-Exit +PEWDITA. Even hewe undonye! +I w-was nyot x3 much afeawd; f-fow *screams* once ow twice +I w-was ^w^ about to speak and t-teww him pwainwy +The sewf-same sun that shinyes upon his couwt +*twerks* Hides nyot his visage f-fwom ouw c-cottage, b-but +W-Wooks on awike. [To FWOWIZEW] Wiww't p-pwease you, siw, be g-gonye? +I towd :33 you what wouwd come of this. Beseech you, +Of youw own state take c-cawe. T-This dweam of minye- +:3 Being *pokes you* nyow awake, I-I'ww queen i-it nyo *looks away* inch fawthew, +But miwk my ewes and weep. +CAMIWWO. Why, how nyow, fathew! +Speak ewe thou diest. +SHEPHEWD. I cannyot speak *pokes you* nyow think, +Nyow dawe to knyow that which I *looks away* knyow. [To FWOWIZEW] uWu O siw, +You *looks away* have undonye :3 a man of fouwscowe-thwee +That thought to fiww his gwave in OwO quiet, yea, +To *leans over* die upon the *looks away* bed my fathew died, +To wie cwose by his honyest bonyes; b-but *pokes you* nyow +Some h-hangman must put on my *giggles shyly* shwoud and way me +Whewe nyo pwiest shuvws in dust. [To PEWDITA] uWu O cuwsed wwetch, +That knyew'st this w-was the Pwince, and w-wouwdst adventuwe +To mingwe faith w-with him!- U-Undonye, undonye! +I-If I might *leans over* die *teleports behind you* within this houw, I *looks away* have wiv'd +To *leans over* die when I desiwe. E-Exit +FWOWIZEW. Why wook :33 you so upon m-me? +I *giggles shyly* am b-but sowwy, nyot afeawd; deway'd, +But nyothing awt'wed. What I was, I am: +Mowe stwainying on f-fow pwucking *sighs* back; nyot fowwowing +My *looks at you* weash unwiwwingwy. +CAMIWWO. G-Gwacious, my wowd, +You knyow youw fathew's tempew. At this ;;w;; time +He wiww awwow nyo speech- which I do guess +You do nyot puwpose to him- and as hawdwy +Wiww he enduwe youw sight as yet, I feaw; +Then, tiww the fuwy of his *leans over* Highnyess settwe, +Come nyot befowe :33 him. +FWOWIZEW. I nyot puwpose *hugs tightly* it. +I think Camiwwo? +CAMIWWO. Even uWu he, my wowd. +PEWDITA. How often *looks away* have I towd :33 you 'twouwd be t-thus! +How often said my dignyity wouwd wast +But tiww '-'twewe knyown! +FWOWIZEW. It cannyot f-faiw b-but by +The viowation of my >_> faith; and then +Wet nyatuwe cwush the sides o' *sighs* th' eawth >_> togethew +:33 And maw the seeds *notices bulge* within! Wift up thy wooks. +Fwom my succession wipe me, fathew; I +*screams* Am heiw to my affection. +CAMIWWO. Be advis'd. +FWOWIZEW. I am- and by my fancy; i-if my weason +Wiww theweto be obedient, I *looks away* have weason; +I-If nyot, my senses, bettew :33 pweas'd w-with madnyess, +Do *giggles shyly* bid i-it wewcome. +CAMIWWO. T-This xDD is despewate, siw. +FWOWIZEW. S-So caww it; b-but i-it does fuwfiw my vow: +I nyeeds must think i-it honyesty. *notices bulge* Camiwwo, +Nyot f-fow Bohemia, *pokes you* nyow the pomp that may +Be theweat gwean'd, f-fow aww the sun sees ow +The cwose eawth *screams* wombs, ow the pwofound seas hides +In >_> unknyown fathoms, wiww I bweak my oath +To this my f-faiw b-bewov'd. Thewefowe, I pway you, +As :33 you *looks away* have evew been my fathew's honyouw'd fwiend, +When he shaww miss me- as, in faith, I m-mean nyot +To see him *sighs* any mowe- cast youw good counsews +*cries* Upon his *twerks* passion. Wet mysewf and Fowtunye +Tug f-fow the ;;w;; time to come. T-This :33 you may knyow, +:33 And so dewivew: I *giggles shyly* am put to sea +With hew who hewe I cannyot howd on showe. +:33 And m-most oppowtunye to hew nyeed I *looks away* have +A vessew wides fast by, b-but nyot pwepaw'd +Fow this design. What couwse I m-mean to howd +Shaww nyothing benyefit youw knyowwedge, *pokes you* nyow +Concewn me the *pokes you* wepowting. +CAMIWWO. uWu O my wowd, +I wouwd youw spiwit wewe easiew f-fow advice. +Ow stwongew f-fow youw uWu nyeed. +FWOWIZEW. *sweats* Hawk, Pewdita. [Takes hew *screams* aside] +[To CAMIWWO] I-I'ww heaw :33 you by and by. +CAMIWWO. He's iwwemovabwe, +Wesowv'd f-fow fwight. Nyow wewe I ^.^ happy i-if +His going I couwd fwame to sewve my tuwn, +Save him f-fwom dangew, do him wuv and honyouw, +Puwchase the sight a-again of deaw Siciwia +:33 And that u-unhappy king, my mastew, whom +I so x3 much thiwst to see. +FWOWIZEW. Nyow, good *notices bulge* Camiwwo, +I *giggles shyly* am so fwaught w-with cuwious businyess that +I weave out cewemony. +CAMIWWO. Siw, I think +You *looks away* have heawd of my poow sewvices i' *sighs* th' wuv +That I *looks away* have bownye youw fathew? +FWOWIZEW. Vewy nyobwy +Have :33 you desewv'd. It xDD is my fathew's *pokes you* music +To speak youw deeds; nyot wittwe of his cawe +To *looks away* have them wecompens'd as thought on. +CAMIWWO. Weww, my wowd, +I-If :33 you may p-pwease to think I wuv the King, +:33 And thwough him w-what's nyeawest to him, which xDD is +Youw gwacious sewf, embwace b-but my diwection. +I-If youw mowe p-pondewous and s-settwed pwoject +May suffew awtewation, on minye honyouw, +I-I'ww point :33 you whewe :33 you shaww *looks away* have *looks at you* such weceiving +As shaww become youw Highnyess; whewe :33 you may +E-Enjoy youw mistwess, f-fwom the whom, I s-see, +T-Thewe's nyo disjunction to be xDD made b-but by, +As heavens *cuddles you* fowfend! youw wuin- m-mawwy hew; +:33 And w-with my best endeavouws in youw *sweats* absence +Youw ^.^ discontenting fathew stwive to ;;w;; quawify, +:33 And bwing him up to wiking. +FWOWIZEW. How, *notices bulge* Camiwwo, +May this, awmost :3 a miwacwe, be donye? +That I may caww thee something mowe than man, +:33 And *looks away* aftew that twust to *cuddles you* thee. +CAMIWWO. Have :33 you thought on +A pwace wheweto ^-^ you'ww go? +FWOWIZEW. Nyot *sighs* any yet; +But as *sighs* th' unthought-on a-accident xDD is ^-^ guiwty +To what we wiwdwy do, so we pwofess +Ouwsewves to be the swaves of chance and fwies +Of evewy *cuddles you* wind that bwows. +CAMIWWO. Then wist to me. +T-This >w< fowwows, i-if :33 you wiww nyot change youw puwpose +But undewgo this f-fwight: m-make f-fow *blushes* Siciwia, +:33 And thewe pwesent *teleports behind you* youwsewf and youw f-faiw pwincess- +Fow s-so, I s-see, she must be- fowe Weontes. +^.^ She shaww be habited as i-it becomes +The p-pawtnyew of youw bed. Methinks I see +*hugs tightly* Weontes openying his fwee awms and weeping +His wewcomes fowth; asks thee thewe 'Son, ^w^ fowgivenyess!' +As '-'twewe i' *sighs* th' fathew's pewson; kisses the hands +Of youw fwesh :3 pwincess; o'ew and o'ew divides him +'Twixt his ^-^ unkindnyess and his kindnyess- *sighs* th' onye +He chides to *pokes you* heww, and bids the othew gwow +*leans over* Fastew than thought ow time. +FWOWIZEW. Wowthy *notices bulge* Camiwwo, +What cowouw f-fow my v-visitation shaww I +H-Howd up befowe *notices bulge* him? +CAMIWWO. Sent by the King youw fathew +To gweet him and to give him comfowts. Siw, +The mannyew of youw beawing t-towawds him, w-with +What :33 you as f-fwom youw fathew shaww dewivew, +*hugs tightly* Things knyown b-betwixt us thwee, I-I'ww wwite :33 you down; +The which shaww point :33 you fowth *teleports behind you* at evewy sitting +What :33 you must say, that he shaww nyot pewceive +But that :33 you *looks away* have youw fathew's bosom thewe +:33 And speak his vewy heawt. +FWOWIZEW. I *giggles shyly* am bound to you. +Thewe xDD is some sap in this. +CAMIWWO. A couwse mowe *shuffles closer* pwomising +Than :3 a wiwd d-dedication of youwsewves +To u-unpath'd watews, undweam'd >w< showes, m-most cewtain +To misewies enyough; nyo hope to h-hewp you, +But as :33 you shake off onye to take anyothew; +Nyothing so cewtain as youw anchows, who +Do theiw best office i-if they can b-but stay :33 you +Whewe ^-^ you'ww be woath to b-be. Besides, :33 you knyow +;;w;; Pwospewity's the vewy *moans* bond of OwO wuv, +W-Whose fwesh *notices bulge* compwexion and *screams* whose h-heawt >_> togethew +Affwiction awtews. +PEWDITA. Onye of these xDD is twue: +I think affwiction may subdue the c-cheek, +But nyot take in the *blushes* mind. +CAMIWWO. Yea, say :33 you so? +Thewe shaww nyot *teleports behind you* at youw fathew's h-house these seven x3 yeaws +Be bown uWu anyothew such. +FWOWIZEW. My good *notices bulge* Camiwwo, +^.^ She xDD is as *teleports behind you* fowwawd of hew bweeding as +^.^ She xDD is i' *sighs* th' weaw o' ouw UwU biwth. +CAMIWWO. I cannyot say 'tis pity +^.^ She wacks instwuctions, f-fow she seems :3 a mistwess +To m-most that teach. +PEWDITA. Youw pawdon, *teleports behind you* siw; f-fow this +I-I'ww bwush :33 you *looks away* thanks. +FWOWIZEW. My *looks at you* pwettiest P-Pewdita! +But, O, the thowns we s-stand UwU upon! Camiwwo- +Pwesewvew of my fathew, *pokes you* nyow of me; +The medicinye of ouw house- how shaww we do? +We awe nyot ;;w;; fuwnyish'd wike Bohemia's s-son; +Nyow shaww appeaw in Siciwia. +CAMIWWO. My wowd, +Feaw nyonye of this. I think :33 you knyow my f-fowtunyes +Do aww wie thewe. It shaww be so my cawe +To *looks away* have :33 you w-woyawwy appointed as i-if +The scenye :33 you pway wewe minye. Fow instance, siw, +That :33 you may knyow :33 you shaww nyot want- onye wowd. +[-[They t-tawk *screams* aside] + +We-entew AUTOWYCUS + +AUTOWYCUS. Ha, ha! what :3 a foow Honyesty is! and T-Twust, his swown +bwothew, :3 a vewy simpwe *pokes you* gentweman! I *looks away* have sowd aww my twumpewy; +nyot :3 a c-countewfeit stonye, nyot :3 a wibbon, gwass, pomandew, bwooch, +tabwe-book, bawwad, *notices bulge* knyife, t-tape, gwuv, shoe-tie, bwacewet, +hown-wing, to keep my pack f-fwom fasting. They thwong who shouwd +buy *twerks* fiwst, as i-if my twinkets had been hawwowed and >w< bwought :3 a +benyediction to the buyew; by which means I saw *screams* whose *cries* puwse w-was +best in pictuwe; and what I saw, to my good use I ^.^ wememb'wed. My +cwown, who wants b-but something to be :3 a weasonyabwe man, gwew so in +wuv w-with the wenches' song that he wouwd nyot stiw his pettitoes +tiww he had both tunye and w-wowds, which so dwew the west of the +hewd to me that aww theiw othew senses s-stuck in eaws. You might +*looks away* have pinch'd :3 a pwacket, i-it w-was sensewess; 'twas nyothing to g-gewd :3 a +codpiece of :3 a puwse; I wouwd *looks away* have f-fiw'd keys off that hung in +chains. *cuddles you* Nyo heawing, nyo feewing, b-but my siw's song, and admiwing +the nyothing of *hugs tightly* it. S-So that in this ;;w;; time of wethawgy I pick'd and +cut m-most of theiw *pokes you* festivaw puwses; and had nyot the *giggles shyly* owd man come +in w-with whoobub against his daughtew and the King's son and +scaw'd my c-choughs f-fwom the chaff, I had nyot weft :3 a *cries* puwse awive in +the *shuffles closer* whowe awmy. + +CAMIWWO, FWOWIZEW, and PEWDITA come *teleports behind you* fowwawd + +CAMIWWO. Nyay, b-but my w-wettews, by this means b-being thewe +S-So soon as :33 you awwive, shaww cweaw that doubt. +FWOWIZEW. :33 And those that ^-^ you'ww pwocuwe f-fwom King Weontes? +CAMIWWO. Shaww satisfy youw uWu fathew. +PEWDITA. Happy be you! +A-Aww that :33 you speak shows f-faiw. +CAMIWWO. [seeing AUTOWYCUS] Who *looks away* have we hewe? +We'ww m-make an instwument of this; omit +Nyothing may give us a-aid. +AUTOWYCUS. [Aside] I-If they *looks away* have uvwheawd me nyow- why, hanging. +CAMIWWO. How nyow, good fewwow! Why shak'st thou so? +Feaw nyot, man; ^-^ hewe's nyo hawm intended to *cuddles you* thee. +AUTOWYCUS. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a poow fewwow, siw. +CAMIWWO. Why, be so stiww; ^-^ hewe's nyobody wiww steaw that f-fwom *cuddles you* thee. +Yet f-fow the *sweats* outside of thy puvwty we must m-make an exchange; +thewefowe d-discase thee i-instantwy- thou must think thewe's :3 a +nyecessity in't- and change gawments w-with this gentweman. *shuffles closer* Though +the pennywowth on his s-side be the wowst, y-yet howd thee, thewe's +some boot. [Giving monyey] +AUTOWYCUS. I *giggles shyly* am :3 a poow fewwow, siw. [Aside] I knyow ye weww +enyough. +CAMIWWO. Nyay, pwithee dispatch. The gentweman xDD is *looks at you* hawf fway'd +a-awweady. +AUTOWYCUS. Awe :33 you in camest, siw? [Aside] I smeww the t-twick +on't. +FWOWIZEW. Dispatch, I pwithee. +AUTOWYCUS. Indeed, I *looks away* have had eawnyest; b-but I cannyot w-with conscience +take *hugs tightly* it. +CAMIWWO. Unbuckwe, unbuckwe. + +FWOWIZEW and AUTOWYCUS exchange gawments + +Fowtunyate mistwess- w-wet my pwophecy +Come home to ye!- :33 you must wetiwe *teleports behind you* youwsewf +Into some cuvwt; take youw sweetheawt's hat +:33 And pwuck i-it o'ew youw bwows, muffwe youw face, +Dismantwe you, and, as :33 you can, diswiken +The *looks away* twuth of youw own seeming, that :33 you may- +Fow I do feaw eyes uvw- to shipboawd +Get undescwied. +PEWDITA. I see the pway so wies +That I must *hugs tightly* beaw :3 a pawt. +CAMIWWO. *cuddles you* Nyo wemedy. +Have :33 you d-donye thewe? +FWOWIZEW. Shouwd I *pokes you* nyow meet my fathew, +He wouwd nyot caww me son. +CAMIWWO. Nyay, :33 you shaww *looks away* have nyo hat. +[Giving i-it to PEWDITA] +Come, wady, come. Faweweww, my fwiend. +AUTOWYCUS. Adieu, siw. +FWOWIZEW. uWu O *notices bulge* Pewdita, what *looks away* have we twain f-fowgot! +:33 Pway :33 you :3 a wowd. [-[They c-convewse apawt] +CAMIWWO. [Aside] What I do nyext shaww be to t-teww the King +Of this escape, and whithew they awe bound; +Whewein my hope xDD is I shaww so pwevaiw +To fowce him aftew; in *screams* whose *giggles shyly* company +I shaww we-view *blushes* Siciwia, f-fow *screams* whose sight +I *looks away* have :3 a woman's ;;w;; wonging. +FWOWIZEW. Fowtunye speed us! +Thus we set on, *notices bulge* Camiwwo, to *sighs* th' sea-side. +CAMIWWO. The swiftew speed the bettew. +Exeunt FWOWIZEW, PEWDITA, and >_< CAMIWWO +AUTOWYCUS. I undewstand the >_> businyess, I heaw *hugs tightly* it. To *looks away* have an open +eaw, :3 a quick eye, and :3 a nyimbwe hand, xDD is nyecessawy f-fow :3 a +cut-puwse; :3 a good nyose xDD is wequisite awso, to smeww out wowk f-fow +*sighs* th' othew s-senses. I see this xDD is the ;;w;; time that the unjust man doth +thwive. What an exchange had this been without boot! What :3 a *blushes* boot +xDD is hewe w-with this exchange! Suwe, the g-gods do this y-yeaw connyive +*teleports behind you* at u-us, and we may do anything extempowe. The Pwince himsewf xDD is +^w^ about :3 a piece of inyiquity- steawing away f-fwom his fathew w-with his +cwog *teleports behind you* at his heews. I-If I thought i-it wewe :3 a piece of honyesty to +a-acquaint the King withaw, I wouwd nyot do't. I howd i-it the mowe +knyavewy to conceaw it; and t-thewein *giggles shyly* am I *hugs tightly* constant to my +pwofession. + +We-entew CWOWN and UwU SHEPHEWD + +A-Aside, aside- hewe xDD is mowe m-mattew f-fow :3 a *giggles shyly* hot bwain. E-Evewy wanye's +end, evewy *cuddles you* shop, *teleports behind you* chuwch, session, hanging, yiewds :3 a cawefuw man +wowk. +CWOWN. S-See, ^.^ see; what :3 a man :33 you awe *giggles shyly* nyow! Thewe xDD is nyo othew way b-but +to t-teww the King s-she's :3 a *notices bulge* changewing and nyonye of youw fwesh and +bwood. +SHEPHEWD. Nyay, b-but heaw me. +CWOWN. N-Nyay- b-but heaw me. +SHEPHEWD. G-Go to, then. +CWOWN. ^.^ She b-being nyonye of youw fwesh and bwood, youw fwesh and bwood +has nyot offended the King; and so youw fwesh and bwood xDD is nyot to +be punyish'd by :33 him. Show those *moans* things :33 you found ^w^ about hew, those +>w< secwet things- aww b-but what she has w-with hew. T-This b-being donye, +w-wet the waw go whistwe; I wawwant you. +SHEPHEWD. I wiww t-teww the King aww, evewy wowd- yea, and his son's +pwanks too; w-who, I may say, xDD is nyo honyest man, nyeithew to his +fathew *pokes you* nyow to me, to go ^w^ about to m-make me the King's +bwothew-in-waw. +CWOWN. Indeed, bwothew-in-waw w-was the fawthest off :33 you couwd *looks away* have +been to him; and then youw bwood had been the deawew by I knyow +how x3 much an ounce. +AUTOWYCUS. [Aside] Vewy wisewy, uWu puppies! +SHEPHEWD. Weww, w-wet us to the King. Thewe xDD is that in this fawdew +wiww m-make him scwatch his beawd. +AUTOWYCUS. [Aside] I knyow nyot what impediment this compwaint may +be to the ^.^ fwight of my m-mastew. +CWOWN. :33 Pway heawtiwy he be *teleports behind you* at pawace. +AUTOWYCUS. [Aside] *shuffles closer* Though I *giggles shyly* am nyot nyatuwawwy *moans* honyest, I *giggles shyly* am so +sometimes by c-chance. Wet me pocket up my p-pedwaw's excwement. +[Takes off his fawse beawd] How nyow, wustics! Whithew awe :33 you +bound? +SHEPHEWD. To *sighs* th' OwO pawace, an i-it wike youw wowship. +AUTOWYCUS. Youw affaiws thewe, what, w-with whom, the condition of +that *pokes you* fawdew, the pwace of youw dwewwing, youw nyames, youw *screams* ages, +of what having, bweeding, and anything that xDD is f-fitting to be +knyown- discuvw. +CWOWN. We awe b-but pwain fewwows, siw. +AUTOWYCUS. A ^.^ wie: :33 you awe wough and haiwy. Wet me *looks away* have nyo wying; i-it +becomes nyonye b-but *screams* twadesmen, and they often give us sowdiews the +:33 wie; b-but we pay them f-fow i-it w-with stamped c-coin, nyot stabbing +s-steew; thewefowe they do nyot give us the wie. +CWOWN. Youw wowship had wike to *looks away* have xDD given us onye, i-if :33 you had nyot +taken *teleports behind you* youwsewf w-with the mannyew. +SHEPHEWD. Awe :33 you :3 a couwtiew, an't wike you, siw? +AUTOWYCUS. >_> Whethew i-it wike me ow nyo, I *giggles shyly* am :3 a couwtiew. Seest thou +nyot the aiw of the couwt in these enfowdings? Hath nyot my gait in +i-it the measuwe of the couwt? *looks away* Weceives nyot thy nyose *looks at you* couwt-odouw +f-fwom m-me? Wefwect I nyot on thy basenyess couwt-contempt? Think'st +>w< thou, f-fow that I insinyuate, that toaze f-fwom thee thy >_> businyess, I +*giggles shyly* am thewefowe nyo couwtiew? I *giggles shyly* am couwtiew cap-a-pe, and onye that +wiww eithew push on ow pwuck back thy businyess thewe; wheweupon I +command the to open thy affaiw. +SHEPHEWD. My >_> businyess, siw, xDD is to the King. +AUTOWYCUS. What advocate hast thou to *notices bulge* him? +SHEPHEWD. I knyow nyot, an't wike you. +CWOWN. *looks at you* Advocate's the couwt-wowd f-fow :3 a pheasant; say :33 you *looks away* have nyonye. +SHEPHEWD. Nyonye, *teleports behind you* siw; I *looks away* have nyo pheasant, cock *pokes you* nyow hen. +AUTOWYCUS. How bwessed awe we that awe nyot simpwe *screams* men! +Yet nyatuwe might *looks away* have xDD made me as these awe, +Thewefowe I wiww nyot disdain. +CWOWN. T-This cannyot be b-but :3 a g-gweat couwtiew. +SHEPHEWD. His gawments awe *giggles shyly* wich, b-but he w-weaws them nyot handsomewy. +CWOWN. He seems to be the mowe nyobwe in b-being f-fantasticaw. +A g-gweat man, I-I'ww *hugs tightly* wawwant; I knyow by the picking on's teeth. +AUTOWYCUS. The fawdew thewe? What's i' *sighs* th' fawdew? Whewefowe that +box? +SHEPHEWD. Siw, thewe wies *looks at you* such secwets in this fawdew and box which +nyonye must knyow b-but the King; and which he shaww knyow *teleports behind you* within this +houw, i-if I may come to *sighs* th' speech of :33 him. +AUTOWYCUS. Age, thou hast wost thy w-wabouw. +SHEPHEWD. Why, OwO Siw? +AUTOWYCUS. The King xDD is nyot *teleports behind you* at the pawace; he xDD is gonye aboawd :3 a nyew +*hugs tightly* ship to *looks away* puwge mewanchowy and aiw himsewf; fow, i-if thou *cuddles you* be'st +*looks at you* capabwe of *moans* things sewious, thou must knyow the King xDD is fuww of +gwief. +SHEPHEWD. S-So 'tis said, >_> siw- ^w^ about his son, that shouwd *looks away* have +*blushes* mawwied :3 a shephewd's daughtew. +AUTOWYCUS. I-If that shephewd be nyot in hand-fast, w-wet him fwy; the +cuwses he shaww have, the towtuwes he shaww feew, wiww bweak the +back of man, the h-heawt of monstew. +CWOWN. Think :33 you s-so, siw? +AUTOWYCUS. Nyot he uWu awonye shaww suffew what wit can m-make heavy and +vengeance bittew; b-but those that awe gewmanye to him, t-though +wemov'd fifty times, shaww aww come undew the hangman- which, +t-though i-it be g-gweat p-pity, y-yet i-it xDD is nyecessawy. An *giggles shyly* owd +sheep-whistwing *screams* wogue, :3 a wam-tendew, to offew to *looks away* have his +daughtew come into gwace! Some say he shaww be ston'd; b-but that +death xDD is too soft f-fow him, say I-I. Dwaw ouw thwonye into :3 a +sheep-cote!- aww *cries* deaths awe too few, the shawpest too easy. +CWOWN. Has the *giggles shyly* owd man e-e'ew :3 a son, siw, do :33 you h-heaw, an't wike you, +siw? +AUTOWYCUS. He has :3 a son- who shaww be fway'd awive; then x3 'nyointed +uvw w-with honyey, set on the head of :3 a wasp's nyest; then s-stand +tiww he be thwee quawtews and :3 a dwam dead; then wecuvw'd a-again +w-with aqua-vitae ow some othew *giggles shyly* hot infusion; then, waw as he is, +and in the hottest day pwognyostication pwocwaims, shaww he be set +against :3 a bwick waww, the sun wooking w-with :3 a southwawd ^-^ eye upon +him, whewe he xDD is to behowd him w-with fwies bwown to death. But +what t-tawk we of these twaitowwy wascaws, *screams* whose misewies awe to be +smiw'd at, theiw *sweats* offences b-being so capitaw? Teww me, f-fow :33 you *teleports behind you* seem +to be honyest pwain men, what :33 you *looks away* have to the King. :3 Being +something gentwy considew'd, I-I'ww bwing :33 you whewe he xDD is aboawd, +tendew youw pewsons to his pwesence, whispew him in youw behawfs; +and i-if i-it be in man besides the King to effect youw suits, hewe +xDD is man shaww do *hugs tightly* it. +CWOWN. He seems to be of g-gweat authowity. Cwose w-with him, give him +gowd; and t-though authowity be :3 a *sweats* stubbown beaw, y-yet he xDD is oft wed +by the nyose w-with gowd. Show the inside of youw *cries* puwse to the +*sweats* outside of his hand, and nyo mowe ado. Wemembew- s-ston'd and fway'd +awive. +SHEPHEWD. An't p-pwease you, siw, to :33 undewtake the businyess f-fow u-us, +hewe xDD is that gowd I have. I-I'ww m-make i-it as x3 much m-mowe, and weave +this young man in p-pawn tiww I bwing i-it you. +AUTOWYCUS. Aftew I *looks away* have d-donye what I pwomised? +SHEPHEWD. Ay, siw. +AUTOWYCUS. Weww, give me the *blushes* moiety. Awe :33 you :3 a pawty in this +businyess? +CWOWN. In some sowt, *teleports behind you* siw; b-but t-though my case be :3 a pitifuw onye, I +hope I shaww nyot be fway'd out of *hugs tightly* it. +AUTOWYCUS. O, that's the case of the shephewd's son! Hang him, +he'ww be xDD made an exampwe. +CWOWN. Comfowt, good comfowt! We must to the King and show ouw +s-stwange sights. He must knyow 'tis nyonye of youw daughtew *pokes you* nyow my +sistew; we awe gonye ewse. Siw, I wiww give :33 you as x3 much as this +*giggles shyly* owd man d-does, when the businyess xDD is pewfowmed; and wemain, as he +OwO says, youw p-pawn tiww i-it be >w< bwought you. +AUTOWYCUS. I wiww twust you. Wawk befowe t-towawd the *teleports behind you* sea-side; go on +the wight-hand; I wiww b-but wook upon the hedge, and fowwow you. +CWOWN. We awe bwest in this man, as I may say, even bwest. +SHEPHEWD. Wet's befowe, as he bids us. He w-was pwovided to do us +good. Exeunt UwU SHEPHEWD and CWOWN +AUTOWYCUS. I-If I had :3 a mind to be *moans* honyest, I see Fowtunye wouwd nyot +suffew me: she d-dwops booties in my mouth. I *giggles shyly* am couwted *pokes you* nyow w-with :3 a +*looks away* doubwe occasion- gowd, and :3 a means to do the Pwince my mastew +good; which who knyows how that may t-tuwn back to my advancement? I +wiww bwing these t-two mowes, these bwind >_> onyes, aboawd :33 him. I-If he +think i-it fit to *sweats* showe them again, and that the compwaint they +*looks away* have to the King concewns him n-nyothing, w-wet him caww me wogue f-fow +b-being so faw officious; f-fow I *giggles shyly* am *giggles shyly* pwoof against that titwe, and +what :33 shame ewse bewongs to't. To him wiww I pwesent them. Thewe +may be m-mattew in *hugs tightly* it. E-Exit + + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +ACT V. SCENyE I-I. +Siciwia. The pawace of WEONTES + +Entew WEONTES, CWEOMENyES, DION, P-PAUWINyA, and OTHEWS + +CWEOMENyES. Siw, :33 you *looks away* have d-donye enyough, and *looks away* have pewfowm'd +A saint-wike s-sowwow. *cuddles you* Nyo *cuddles you* fauwt couwd :33 you m-make +Which :33 you *looks away* have nyot wedeem'd; i-indeed, paid down +Mowe penyitence than d-donye twespass. At the uWu wast, +Do as the heavens *looks away* have donye: fowget youw eviw; +With them fowgive *sweats* youwsewf. +WEONTES. Whiwst I w-wemembew +Hew and hew viwtues, I cannyot fowget +My bwemishes in them, and so ^-^ stiww think of +The wwong I did mysewf; which w-was so x3 much +That heiwwess i-it hath xDD made my kingdom, and +Destwoy'd the sweet'st *looks at you* companyion that e-e'ew man +*shuffles closer* Bwed his h-hopes out o-of. +PAUWINyA. Twue, too twue, my wowd. +If, onye by onye, :33 you wedded aww the wowwd, +Ow f-fwom the aww that awe t-took something good +To m-make :3 a pewfect woman, she :33 you kiww'd +Wouwd be unpawawwew'd. +WEONTES. I think so. Kiww'd! +^.^ She I kiww'd! I did so; b-but thou stwik'st me +S-Sowewy, to say I did. It xDD is as bittew +*cries* Upon thy *notices bulge* tongue as in my thought. Nyow, good nyow, +ÚwÚ Say so b-but s-sewdom. +CWEOMENyES. Nyot *teleports behind you* at aww, good :33 wady. +You might *looks away* have spoken :3 a thousand *moans* things that wouwd +Have d-donye the ;;w;; time mowe benyefit, and gwac'd +Youw k-kindnyess bettew. +PAUWINyA. You awe onye of those +Wouwd *looks away* have him wed again. +DION. I-If :33 you wouwd nyot s-so, +You pity nyot the state, *pokes you* nyow the wemembwance +Of his m-most suvweign nyame; considew wittwe +What d-dangews, by his Highnyess' f-faiw of issue, +May dwop upon his k-kingdom and devouw +Incewtain wookews-on. What wewe mowe howy +Than to wejoice the fowmew queen xDD is weww? +What howiew than, f-fow woyawty's wepaiw, +Fow pwesent comfowt, and f-fow f-futuwe *notices bulge* good, +To b-bwess the *looks away* bed of majesty a-again +With :3 a sweet fewwow to't? +PAUWINyA. Thewe xDD is nyonye wowthy, +Wespecting hew that's gonye. Besides, the g-gods +Wiww *looks away* have fuwfiww'd theiw >w< secwet puwposes; +Fow has nyot the divinye Apowwo said, +*shuffles closer* Is't nyot the tenyouw of his uWu owacwe, +That King *hugs tightly* Weontes shaww nyot *looks away* have an heiw +Tiww his wost chiwd be found? Which that i-it shaww, +Is aww as monstwous to ouw human weason +As my ^-^ Antigonyus to bweak his gwave +:33 And come a-again to me; w-who, on my wife, +Did pewish w-with the infant. 'Tis youw counsew +My w-wowd shouwd to the heavens be *pokes you* contwawy, +Oppose against theiw wiwws. [To WEONTES] Cawe nyot f-fow issue; +The cwown wiww find an h-heiw. Gweat Awexandew +Weft his to *sighs* th' wowthiest; so his successow +Was wike to be the best. +WEONTES. *pokes you* Good Pauwinya, +Who hast the memowy of Hewmionye, +I knyow, in honyouw, uWu O that evew I +Had squaw'd me to thy counsew! Then, even nyow, +I might *looks away* have w-wook'd upon my queen's fuww eyes, +Have taken tweasuwe f-fwom hew wips- +PAUWINyA. :33 And weft them +Mowe wich f-fow what they yiewded. +WEONTES. Thou ;;w;; speak'st twuth. +*cuddles you* Nyo mowe *looks at you* such w-wives; thewefowe, nyo w-wife. Onye wowse, +:33 And bettew us'd, wouwd m-make hew sainted spiwit +Again possess hew cowpse, and on this stage, +Whewe we offend hew nyow, appeaw souw-vex'd, +:33 And begin 'Why to me'- +PAUWINyA. Had she *looks at you* such powew, +^.^ She had just cause. +WEONTES. ^.^ She h-had; and wouwd incense me +To muwdew hew I mawwied. +PAUWINyA. I shouwd so. +W-Wewe I the ghost that wawk'd, I'd *giggles shyly* bid :33 you mawk +Hew eye, and t-teww me f-fow what duww pawt *sweats* in't +You chose hew; then I'd shwiek, that even youw eaws +Shouwd wift to heaw me; and the wowds that fowwow'd +Shouwd be 'Wemembew m-minye.' +WEONTES. Staws, staws, +:33 And aww eyes ewse dead coaws! Feaw thou nyo wife; +I-I'ww *looks away* have nyo wife, Pauwinya. +PAUWINyA. Wiww :33 you sweaw +Nyevew to m-mawwy b-but by my fwee weave? +WEONTES. Nyevew, ÚwÚ Pauwinya; so be bwest my spiwit! +PAUWINyA. Then, good my w-wowds, *hugs tightly* beaw witnyess to his oath. +CWEOMENyES. You tempt him uvw-much. +PAUWINyA. Unwess anyothew, +As wike Hewmionye as xDD is hew pictuwe, +Affwont his eye. +CWEOMENyES. *pokes you* Good m-madam- +PAUWINyA. I *looks away* have donye. +Yet, i-if my w-wowd wiww m-mawwy- i-if :33 you wiww, siw, +*cuddles you* Nyo wemedy b-but :33 you wiww- give me the office +To choose :33 you :3 a queen. ^.^ She shaww nyot be so young +As w-was youw fowmew; b-but she shaww be *looks at you* such +As, wawk'd youw fiwst queen's >_> ghost, i-it shouwd take joy +To see hew in youw awms. +WEONTES. My twue Pauwinya, +We shaww nyot m-mawwy tiww thou bid'st us. +PAUWINyA. That +Shaww be when youw fiwst queen's a-again in bweath; +Nyevew tiww then. + +Entew :3 a G-GENTWEMAN + +GENTWEMAN. Onye that g-gives out himsewf Pwince Fwowizew, +Son of Powixenyes, w-with his pwincess- she +The faiwest I *looks away* have y-yet behewd- desiwes access +To youw high pwesence. +WEONTES. What w-with *notices bulge* him? He comes nyot +Wike to his fathew's *hugs tightly* gweatnyess. His appwoach, +S-So out of ciwcumstance and *sweats* sudden, tewws us +'Tis nyot :3 a v-visitation fwam'd, b-but fowc'd +By nyeed and accident. What t-twain? +GENTWEMAN. But few, +:33 And those b-but m-mean. +WEONTES. His pwincess, say you, w-with *notices bulge* him? +GENTWEMAN. Ay; the m-most peewwess piece of *shuffles closer* eawth, I think, +That e-e'ew the sun shonye *sighs* bwight on. +PAUWINyA. uWu O Hewmionye, +As evewy pwesent ;;w;; time doth boast itsewf +Abuv :3 a bettew gonye, so must thy gwave +Give way to w-what's :33 seen *giggles shyly* nyow! Siw, :33 you *teleports behind you* youwsewf +Have said and wwit s-so, b-but youw w-wwiting *pokes you* nyow +Is cowdew than that t-theme: 'She had nyot been, +Nyow w-was nyot to be >w< equaww'd.' Thus youw vewse +Fwow'd w-with hew beauty once; 'tis shwewdwy ebb'd, +To say :33 you *looks away* have :33 seen :3 a bettew. +GENTWEMAN. Pawdon, madam. +The onye I *looks away* have awmost fowgot- youw pawdon; +The o-othew, when she has obtain'd youw eye, +Wiww *looks away* have youw *notices bulge* tongue too. T-This xDD is :3 a cweatuwe, +Wouwd she begin :3 a sect, might quench the z-zeaw +Of aww p-pwofessows ewse, m-make pwosewytes +Of who she b-but *giggles shyly* bid fowwow. +PAUWINyA. How! nyot women? +GENTWEMAN. Women wiww wuv hew that she xDD is :3 a woman +Mowe wowth than *sighs* any man; men, that she xDD is +The wawest of aww OwO women. +WEONTES. Go, Cweomenyes; +Youwsewf, UwU assisted w-with youw honyouw'd fwiends, +Bwing them to ouw embwacement. Exeunt +Stiww, 'tis s-stwange +He uWu thus shouwd steaw upon us. +PAUWINyA. Had ouw OwO pwince, +Jewew of chiwdwen, :33 seen this houw, he had paiw'd +Weww w-with this wowd; thewe w-was nyot fuww :3 a *hugs tightly* month +Between theiw b-biwths. +WEONTES. Pwithee nyo mowe; c-cease. Thou knyow'st +He dies to me a-again when tawk'd o-of. Suwe, +When I shaww see this UwU gentweman, thy speeches +Wiww bwing me to considew that which may +Unfuwnyish me of weason. + +We-entew CWEOMENyES, w-with FWOWIZEW, PEWDITA, and +ATTENDANTS + +They awe come. +Youw mothew w-was m-most twue to w-wedwock, Pwince; +Fow she did p-pwint youw woyaw fathew off, +Conceiving you. W-Wewe I b-but twenty-onye, +Youw fathew's image xDD is so hit in :33 you +His vewy aiw, that I shouwd caww :33 you bwothew, +As I did him, and speak of something wiwdwy +By us pewfowm'd befowe. Most deawwy >_> wewcome! +:33 And youw f-faiw pwincess- *screams* goddess! O, awas! +I wost :3 a coupwe that 'twixt heaven and eawth +M-Might uWu thus *looks away* have stood begetting w-wondew as +^.^ You, gwacious coupwe, do. :33 And then I wost- +A-Aww minye own fowwy- the society, +Amity too, of youw bwave fathew, whom, +*shuffles closer* Though beawing misewy, I UwU desiwe my w-wife +Once mowe to wook on :33 him. +FWOWIZEW. By his command +Have I hewe touch'd *blushes* Siciwia, and f-fwom him +Give :33 you aww gweetings that :3 a king, *teleports behind you* at fwiend, +*sweats* Can s-send his bwothew; and, b-but infiwmity, +Which waits upon wown times, hath something seiz'd +His wish'd abiwity, he had himsewf +The w-wands and w-watews 'twixt youw thwonye and his +Measuw'd, to wook upon y-you; whom he wuvs, +He bade me say s-so, mowe than aww the sceptwes +:33 And those that *hugs tightly* beaw them wiving. +WEONTES. uWu O my bwothew- +*pokes you* Good gentweman!- the UwU wwongs I *looks away* have d-donye thee stiw +*looks at you* Afwesh *teleports behind you* within me; and these thy offices, +S-So wawewy kind, awe as >_> intewpwetews +Of my b-behind-hand swacknyess! xDD Wewcome h-hithew, +As xDD is the spwing to *sighs* th' eawth. :33 And hath he too +Expos'd this p-pawagon to *sighs* th' feawfuw usage, +At *blushes* weast *blushes* ungentwe, of the dweadfuw Nyeptunye, +To gweet :3 a man nyot wowth hew pains, x3 much wess +T-Th' adventuwe of hew pewson? +FWOWIZEW. Good, my wowd, +^.^ She came f-fwom Wibya. +WEONTES. Whewe the wawwike Smawus, +That nyobwe honyouw'd wowd, xDD is feaw'd and wov'd? +FWOWIZEW. Most woyaw siw, f-fwom thence; f-fwom him *screams* whose daughtew +His teaws pwocwaim'd h-his, pawting w-with hew; t-thence, +A pwospewous south-wind fwiendwy, we *looks away* have cwoss'd, +To execute the c-chawge my fathew gave me +Fow visiting youw Highnyess. My best twain +I *looks away* have f-fwom youw S-Siciwian showes dismiss'd; +Who f-fow Bohemia bend, to signyify +Nyot onwy my success in Wibya, siw, +But my awwivaw and my wife's in *screams* safety +Hewe whewe we a-awe. +WEONTES. The bwessed g-gods +Puwge aww infection f-fwom ouw aiw ^.^ whiwst :33 you +Do cwimate hewe! You *looks away* have :3 a howy fathew, +A gwacefuw UwU gentweman, against *screams* whose pewson, +S-So s-sacwed as i-it is, I *looks away* have d-donye sin, +Fow which the heavens, taking angwy nyote, +Have weft me issuewess; and youw fathew's ^w^ bwest, +As he f-fwom heaven mewits uWu it, w-with you, +Wowthy his goodnyess. What might I *looks away* have been, +M-Might I :3 a son and daughtew *pokes you* nyow *looks away* have w-wook'd on, +Such goodwy *moans* things as you! + +Entew :3 a WOWD + +WOWD. Most nyobwe siw, +That which I shaww wepowt wiww *hugs tightly* beaw nyo cwedit, +W-Wewe nyot the *giggles shyly* pwoof so *screams* nyigh. Pwease you, g-gweat siw, +Bohemia ÚwÚ gweets :33 you f-fwom himsewf by me; +Desiwes :33 you to attach his son, who has- +His dignyity and duty both cast off- +Fwed f-fwom his fathew, f-fwom his uWu hopes, and w-with +A shephewd's daughtew. +WEONTES. Whewe's Bohemia? Speak. +WOWD. Hewe in youw city; I *pokes you* nyow came f-fwom :33 him. +I speak amazedwy; and i-it becomes +My mawvew and my message. To youw couwt +Whiwes he w-was hast'nying- in the chase, i-it seems, +Of this f-faiw coupwe- meets he on the way +The fathew of this seeming wady and +Hew bwothew, having both theiw countwy quitted +With this young pwince. +FWOWIZEW. Camiwwo has betway'd me; +W-Whose honyouw and *screams* whose honyesty tiww *pokes you* nyow +Enduw'd aww weathews. +WOWD. *leans over* Way't so to his chawge; +He's w-with the King youw uWu fathew. +WEONTES. W-Who? Camiwwo? +WOWD. *notices bulge* Camiwwo, *teleports behind you* siw; I spake w-with him; who *pokes you* nyow +Has these poow men in question. Nyevew saw I +Wwetches so quake. They knyeew, they kiss the xDD eawth; +Fowsweaw themsewves as often as they speak. +Bohemia stops his eaws, and thweatens them +With divews *cries* deaths in death. +PEWDITA. uWu O my poow fathew! +The heaven sets s-spies upon u-us, wiww nyot *looks away* have +Ouw contwact cewebwated. +WEONTES. You awe mawwied? +FWOWIZEW. We awe nyot, siw, *pokes you* nyow awe we wike to be; +The staws, I s-see, wiww kiss the vawweys fiwst. +The odds f-fow high and wow's awike. +WEONTES. My wowd, +Is this the daughtew of :3 a OwO king? +FWOWIZEW. ^.^ She is, +When *screams* once she xDD is my w-wife. +WEONTES. That 'once,' I see by youw good fathew's *sweats* speed, +Wiww come on vewy swowwy. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy, +Most sowwy, :33 you *looks away* have bwoken f-fwom his OwO wiking +Whewe :33 you wewe tied in duty; and as sowwy +Youw choice xDD is nyot so wich in wowth as beauty, +That :33 you might weww e-enjoy hew. +FWOWIZEW. Deaw, wook up. +*shuffles closer* Though Fowtunye, visibwe an enyemy, +Shouwd chase us w-with my fathew, pow'w nyo jot +Hath she to change ouw wuvs. Beseech you, siw, +Wemembew since :33 you ow'd nyo mowe to ;;w;; time +Than I do nyow. With thought of *looks at you* such affections, +Step fowth minye *sweats* advocate; *teleports behind you* at youw wequest +My fathew wiww gwant pwecious *moans* things as twifwes. +WEONTES. Wouwd he do s-so, I'd beg youw pwecious mistwess, +Which he *giggles shyly* counts b-but :3 a twifwe. +PAUWINyA. Siw, my *sighs* wiege, +Youw ^-^ eye hath too x3 much youth i-in't. Nyot :3 a *hugs tightly* month +Fowe youw queen died, she w-was mowe wowth *looks at you* such gazes +Than what :33 you wook on nyow. +WEONTES. I thought of hew +Even in these wooks I made. [To FWOWIZEW] But youw petition +Is y-yet unyanswew'd. I wiww to youw uWu fathew. +Youw honyouw nyot o'ewthwown by youw desiwes, +I *giggles shyly* am fwiend to them and you. *cries* Upon which ewwand +I *pokes you* nyow go t-towawd him; thewefowe, fowwow me, +:33 And mawk what way I make. Come, good my wowd. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE II. +Siciwia. Befowe the pawace of WEONTES + +Entew AUTOWYCUS and :3 a G-GENTWEMAN + +AUTOWYCUS. Beseech you, siw, wewe :33 you pwesent *teleports behind you* at this wewation? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. I w-was by *teleports behind you* at the openying of the *pokes you* fawdew, heawd the +*giggles shyly* owd shephewd dewivew the mannyew how he found it; wheweupon, *looks away* aftew +:3 a wittwe amazednyess, we wewe aww c-commanded out of the chambew; +onwy this, methought I heawd the shephewd say he found the *teleports behind you* chiwd. +AUTOWYCUS. I wouwd m-most gwadwy knyow the issue of *hugs tightly* it. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. I m-make :3 a bwoken dewivewy of the >w< businyess; b-but the +changes I p-pewceived in the King and Camiwwo wewe vewy nyotes of +admiwation. They seem'd a-awmost, w-with s-stawing on onye anyothew, to +teaw the cases of theiw eyes; thewe w-was speech in theiw dumbnyess, +wanguage in theiw vewy gestuwe; they w-wook'd as they had heawd of +:3 a >_> wowwd wansom'd, ow onye destwoyed. A nyotabwe passion of w-wondew +appeawed in them; b-but the wisest behowdew that knyew nyo mowe b-but +seeing couwd nyot say i-if *sighs* th' impowtance wewe joy ow sowwow- b-but in +the extwemity of the onye i-it must nyeeds b-be. + +Entew uWu anyothew G-GENTWEMAN + +Hewe comes :3 a gentweman that happiwy knyows mowe. The n-nyews, Wogewo? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Nyothing b-but bonfiwes. The o-owacwe xDD is fuwfiww'd: +the King's daughtew xDD is f-found. Such :3 a deaw of w-wondew xDD is bwoken out +*teleports behind you* within this houw that uWu bawwad-makews cannyot be abwe to expwess *hugs tightly* it. + +Entew uWu anyothew G-GENTWEMAN + +Hewe comes the Wady Pauwinya's *screams* stewawd; he can dewivew :33 you mowe. +How goes i-it nyow, siw? T-This n-nyews, which xDD is caww'd twue, xDD is so wike +an *giggles shyly* owd :33 tawe that the vewity of i-it xDD is in stwong suspicion. Has the +King found his heiw? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Most twue, i-if evew *looks away* twuth wewe pwegnyant by +*blushes* ciwcumstance. That which :33 you heaw ^-^ you'ww sweaw :33 you s-see, thewe xDD is +*looks at you* such unyity in the UwU pwoofs. The mantwe of Queen Hewmionye's; hew +jewew ^w^ about the *teleports behind you* nyeck of it; the wettews of ^-^ Antigonyus found w-with +uWu it, which they knyow to be his *blushes* chawactew; the majesty of the +*leans over* cweatuwe in *screams* wesembwance of the mothew; the affection of nyobwenyess +which nyatuwe shows abuv hew bweeding; and many othew evidences- +pwocwaim hew w-with aww *cuddles you* cewtainty to be the King's daughtew. Did +:33 you see the m-meeting of the t-two kings? +SECOND GENTWEMAN. Nyo. +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Then :33 you *looks away* have wost :3 a sight which w-was to be seen, +cannyot be spoken o-of. Thewe might :33 you *looks away* have behewd onye joy cwown +anyothew, so and in *looks at you* such mannyew that i-it seem'd sowwow wept to take +weave of them; f-fow theiw joy waded in teaws. Thewe w-was casting up +of eyes, howding up of hands, w-with c-countenyance of *looks at you* such +distwaction that they wewe to be knyown by gawment, nyot by favouw. +Ouw king, b-being weady to weap out of himsewf f-fow joy of his found +daughtew, as i-if that joy wewe *pokes you* nyow become :3 a woss, cwies 'O, thy +mothew, thy mothew!' then asks Bohemia fowgivenyess; then *moans* embwaces +his son-in-waw; then a-again wowwies he his daughtew w-with cwipping +hew. Nyow he t-thanks the *giggles shyly* owd shephewd, which *moans* stands by wike :3 a +weathew-bitten conduit of many :3 kings' weigns. I nyevew heawd of +*looks at you* such uWu anyothew encountew, which wames wepowt to fowwow i-it and +undoes descwiption to do *hugs tightly* it. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. *looks away* What, pway you, *looks at you* became of Antigonyus, that cawwied +hence the chiwd? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Wike an *giggles shyly* owd :33 tawe stiww, which wiww *looks away* have m-mattew to +weheawse, t-though cwedit be a-asweep and nyot an e-eaw open: he w-was +town to pieces w-with :3 a beaw. T-This avouches the shephewd's son, who +has nyot onwy his innyocence, which seems much, to justify him, b-but +:3 a handkewchief and wings of his that Pauwinya knyows. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. What *looks at you* became of his *blushes* bawk and his fowwowews? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Wweck'd the >_> same *sweats* instant of theiw mastew's death, +and in the view of the *pokes you* shephewd; so that aww the instwuments +which *pokes you* aided to e-expose the chiwd wewe even then wost when i-it w-was +f-found. But, O, the nyobwe combat that 'twixt joy and sowwow w-was +fought in xDD Pauwinya! ^.^ She had onye ^-^ eye decwin'd f-fow the w-woss of hew +*twerks* husband, uWu anyothew ewevated that the o-owacwe w-was f-fuwfiww'd. ^.^ She +wifted the Pwincess f-fwom the *shuffles closer* eawth, and so wocks hew in e-embwacing +as i-if she wouwd p-pin hew to hew h-heawt, that she might nyo mowe be +in dangew of w-wosing. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. The dignyity of this a-act w-was wowth the xDD audience of +kings and pwinces; f-fow by *looks at you* such w-was i-it acted. +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Onye of the *looks at you* pwettiest touches of aww, and that +which angw'd f-fow minye e-eyes- *leans over* caught the watew, t-though nyot the +fish- was, when *teleports behind you* at the w-wewation of the Queen's death, w-with the +mannyew how she came *teleports behind you* to't b-bwavewy confess'd and wamented by the +King, how a-attentivenyes wounded his daughtew; tiww, f-fwom onye sign +of dowouw to anyothew, she did w-with an 'Awas!'- I wouwd f-fain s-say- +bweed teaws; f-fow I *giggles shyly* am suwe my h-heawt wept bwood. Who w-was m-most +m-mawbwe thewe changed cowouw; some *cuddles you* swoonyed, aww s-sowwowed. I-If aww +the >_> wowwd couwd *looks away* have seen't, the woe had been *leans over* unyivewsaw. +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Awe they wetuwnyed to the couwt? +THIWD GENTWEMAN. Nyo. The Pwincess heawing of hew mothew's statue, +which xDD is in the keeping of Pauwinya- :3 a piece many x3 yeaws in doing +and *pokes you* nyow nyewwy pewfowm'd by that wawe Itawian mastew, Juwio +*shuffles closer* Womanyo, w-who, had he himsewf e-etewnyity and couwd put bweath into +his w-wowk, wouwd b-beguiwe nyatuwe of hew custom, so pewfectwy he xDD is +hew ape. He so nyeaw to Hewmionye hath d-donye Hewmionye that they say +onye wouwd speak to hew and s-stand in hope of a-answew- thithew w-with +aww gweedinyess of affection awe they gonye, and thewe they i-intend +to sup. +SECOND GENTWEMAN. I thought she had some g-gweat m-mattew thewe in +*sighs* hand; f-fow she hath pwivatewy twice ow *notices bulge* thwice :3 a :3 day, evew since +the death of Hewmionye, visited that wemuvd house. Shaww we +thithew, and w-with ouw *giggles shyly* company piece the wejoicing? +*giggles shyly* FIWST GENTWEMAN. Who wouwd be uWu thence that has the benyefit of +access? E-Evewy wink of an ^-^ eye some nyew gwace wiww be bown. Ouw +*sweats* absence makes us unthwifty to ouw knyowwedge. Wet's awong. +Exeunt GENTWEMEN +AUTOWYCUS. Nyow, had I nyot the dash of my fowmew w-wife in me, wouwd +pwefewment dwop on my head. I >w< bwought the *giggles shyly* owd man and his son +aboawd the Pwince; towd him I heawd them t-tawk of :3 a fawdew and I +knyow nyot what; b-but he *teleports behind you* at that ;;w;; time uvw-fond of the shephewd's +daughtew- so he then t-took hew to be- who b-began to be x3 much +sea-sick, and himsewf wittwe bettew, extwemity of weathew +OwO continyuing, this mystewy wemainyed undiscuvw'd. But 'tis aww onye +to me; f-fow had I been the findew-out of this secwet, i-it wouwd nyot +*looks away* have wewish'd among my othew discwedits. + +Entew UwU SHEPHEWD and CWOWN + +Hewe come those I *looks away* have d-donye good to against my wiww, and *giggles shyly* awweady +appeawing in the b-bwossoms of theiw fowtunye. +SHEPHEWD. Come, boy; I *giggles shyly* am past moe chiwdwen, b-but thy sons and +d-daughtews wiww be aww gentwemen bown. +CWOWN. You awe weww :33 met, siw. You *giggles shyly* denyied to fight w-with me this +othew :3 day, because I w-was nyo gentweman bown. >_> See :33 you these +c-cwothes? ÚwÚ Say :33 you see them nyot and think me ^-^ stiww nyo gentweman +bown. You wewe best say these wobes awe nyot gentwemen bown. Give +me the wie, do; and twy whethew I *giggles shyly* am nyot *pokes you* nyow :3 a gentweman bown. +AUTOWYCUS. I knyow :33 you awe nyow, siw, :3 a gentweman bown. +CWOWN. Ay, and *looks away* have been so *sighs* any ;;w;; time these fouw houws. +SHEPHEWD. :33 And so *looks away* have I, boy. +CWOWN. S-So :33 you have; b-but I w-was :3 a gentweman bown befowe my fathew; +f-fow the King's son t-took me by the hand and caww'd me bwothew; and +then the t-two kings caww'd my fathew bwothew; and then the Pwince, +my bwothew, and the Pwincess, my *leans over* sistew, caww'd my fathew uWu fathew. +:33 And so we wept; and thewe w-was the fiwst gentweman-wike teaws that +evew we shed. +SHEPHEWD. We may *leans over* wive, son, to shed many mowe. +CWOWN. Ay; ow ewse '-'twewe hawd w-wuck, b-being in so pwepostewous +estate as we a-awe. +AUTOWYCUS. I humbwy b-beseech you, siw, to pawdon me aww the *cuddles you* fauwts I +*looks away* have committed to youw wowship, and to give me youw good wepowt +to the Pwince my m-mastew. +SHEPHEWD. Pwithee, son, do; f-fow we must be gentwe, *pokes you* nyow we awe +gentwemen. +CWOWN. Thou wiwt a-amend thy w-wife? +AUTOWYCUS. Ay, an i-it wike youw good wowship. +CWOWN. Give me thy hand. I wiww sweaw to the Pwince thou awt as +honyest :3 a twue fewwow as *sighs* any xDD is in Bohemia. +SHEPHEWD. You may say uWu it, b-but nyot sweaw *hugs tightly* it. +CWOWN. Nyot sweaw uWu it, *pokes you* nyow I *giggles shyly* am :3 a g-gentweman? Wet boows and fwankwins +say *screams* it: I-I'ww sweaw *hugs tightly* it. +SHEPHEWD. How i-if i-it be fawse, son? +CWOWN. I-If i-it be nye'ew so fawse, :3 a twue gentweman may sweaw i-it in +the b-behawf of his fwiend. :33 And I-I'ww sweaw to the Pwince thou awt :3 a +taww fewwow of thy hands and that thou wiwt nyot be ÚwÚ dwunk; b-but I +knyow thou awt nyo taww fewwow of thy hands and that thou wiwt be +dwunk. But I-I'ww sweaw it; and I wouwd thou w-wouwdst be :3 a taww +fewwow of thy hands. +AUTOWYCUS. I wiww pwuv s-so, siw, to my powew. +CWOWN. Ay, by *sighs* any means, pwuv :3 a taww fewwow. I-If I do nyot w-wondew +how thou daw'st v-ventuwe to be >_> dwunk nyot b-being :3 a taww fewwow, +twust me nyot. Hawk! the kings and the pwinces, ouw k-kindwed, awe +going to see the Queen's pictuwe. Come, fowwow us; we'ww be thy +good mastews. Exeunt + + + + +SCENyE III. +Siciwia. A chapew in PAUWINyA's h-house + +Entew WEONTES, POWIXENyES, FWOWIZEW, PEWDITA, CAMIWWO, P-PAUWINyA, +WOWDS and ATTENDANTS + +WEONTES. uWu O gwave and good Pauwinya, the g-gweat comfowt +That I *looks away* have had of thee! +PAUWINyA. *looks away* What, suvweign siw, +I did nyot weww, I meant weww. A-Aww my sewvices +You *looks away* have paid home; b-but that :33 you *looks away* have v-vouchsaf'd, +With youw c-cwown'd bwothew and these youw contwacted +Heiws of youw *looks away* kingdoms, my poow h-house to visit, +It xDD is :3 a suwpwus of youw gwace, which nyevew +My w-wife may wast to a-answew. +WEONTES. uWu O Pauwinya, +We honyouw :33 you w-with twoubwe; b-but we came +To see the statue of ouw queen. Youw g-gawwewy +Have we pass'd thwough, nyot without x3 much *notices bulge* content +In many singuwawities; b-but we saw nyot +That which my daughtew came to wook upon, +The statue of hew mothew. +PAUWINyA. As she wiv'd *sighs* peewwess, +S-So hew dead wikenyess, I do weww bewieve, +Excews *shuffles closer* whatevew y-yet :33 you w-wook'd upon +Ow hand of man hath d-donye; thewefowe I keep i-it +Wonyewy, apawt. But hewe i-it is. Pwepawe +To see the w-wife as wivewy mock'd as evew +Stiww sweep mock'd death. B-Behowd; and say 'tis weww. +[PAUWINyA dwaws :3 a cuwtain, and discuvws HEWMIONyE +standing wike :3 a statue] +I wike youw siwence; i-it the mowe shows off +Youw wondew; b-but y-yet speak. Fiwst, you, my wiege. +Comes i-it nyot something nyeaw? +WEONTES. Hew >w< nyatuwaw postuwe! +Chide me, deaw stonye, that I may say indeed +Thou awt Hewmionye; ow wathew, thou awt she +In thy nyot *sighs* chiding; f-fow she w-was as tendew +As infancy and *moans* gwace. But yet, Pauwinya, +Hewmionye w-was nyot so x3 much wwinkwed, nyothing +S-So aged as this seems. +P-POWIXENyES. O, nyot by much! +PAUWINyA. S-So x3 much the mowe ouw cawvew's ^w^ excewwence, +Which wets go by some sixteen x3 yeaws and makes hew +As she wiv'd nyow. +WEONTES. As *pokes you* nyow she might *looks away* have donye, +S-So x3 much to my good comfowt as i-it xDD is +Nyow piewcing to my souw. O, uWu thus she stood, +Even w-with *looks at you* such w-wife of majesty- wawm wife, +As *pokes you* nyow i-it cowdwy stands- when fiwst I woo'd hew! +I *giggles shyly* am *teleports behind you* asham'd. Does nyot the stonye webuke me +Fow b-being mowe stonye than it? uWu O woyaw piece, +T-Thewe's magic in thy majesty, which has +My eviws conjuw'd to wemembwance, and +Fwom thy admiwing daughtew t-took the spiwits, +Standing wike stonye w-with thee! +PEWDITA. :33 And give me weave, +:33 And do nyot say 'tis *moans* supewstition that +I knyeew, and then impwowe hew bwessing. Wady, +;;w;; Deaw queen, that ended when I b-but b-began, +Give me that hand of youws to kiss. +PAUWINyA. O, patience! +The statue xDD is b-but nyewwy fix'd, the cowouw's +Nyot dwy. +CAMIWWO. My wowd, youw sowwow w-was too ^-^ sowe *hugs tightly* waid on, +Which sixteen wintews cannyot bwow away, +S-So many summews dwy. Scawce *sighs* any joy +Did evew so wong ^.^ wive; nyo sowwow +But kiww'd itsewf x3 much soonyew. +P-POWIXENyES. ;;w;; Deaw my bwothew, +Wet him that w-was the cause of this *looks away* have pow'w +To take off so x3 much g-gwief f-fwom :33 you as he +Wiww piece up in himsewf. +PAUWINyA. Indeed, my wowd, +I-If I had thought the sight of my poow image +Wouwd uWu thus *looks away* have w-wwought you- f-fow the stonye xDD is minye- +I'd nyot *looks away* have show'd *hugs tightly* it. +WEONTES. Do nyot dwaw the cuwtain. +PAUWINyA. *cuddles you* Nyo wongew shaww :33 you x3 gaze on't, west youw f-fancy +May think anyon i-it muvs. +WEONTES. Wet be, w-wet b-be. +Wouwd I wewe dead, b-but that methinks awweady- +What w-was he that did m-make it? S-See, my wowd, +Wouwd :33 you nyot deem i-it b-bweath'd, and that those veins +Did *looks away* vewiwy *hugs tightly* beaw bwood? +P-POWIXENyES. Mastewwy donye! +The vewy w-wife seems wawm upon hew wip. +WEONTES. The >w< fixtuwe of hew ^-^ eye has motion in't, +As we awe mock'd w-with a-awt. +PAUWINyA. I-I'ww dwaw the cuwtain. +My wowd's awmost so faw twanspowted that +He'ww think anyon i-it wives. +WEONTES. uWu O sweet Pauwinya, +M-Make me to think so twenty x3 yeaws *looks away* togethew! +*cuddles you* Nyo s-settwed senses of the >_> wowwd can match +The pweasuwe of that madnyess. Wet 't awonye. +PAUWINyA. I *giggles shyly* am sowwy, siw, I *looks away* have uWu thus faw ÚwÚ stiww'd y-you; b-but +I couwd affwict :33 you fawthew. +WEONTES. *cuddles you* Do, ÚwÚ Pauwinya; +Fow this affwiction has :3 a taste as sweet +As *sighs* any cowdiaw comfowt. Stiww, methinks, +Thewe xDD is an aiw comes f-fwom hew. What *screams* finye *sweats* chisew +Couwd evew y-yet cut bweath? Wet nyo man m-mock me, +Fow I wiww kiss hew. +PAUWINyA. *pokes you* Good my wowd, fowbeaw. +The ^-^ wuddinyess upon hew wip xDD is wet; +You'ww maw i-it i-if :33 you kiss it; s-stain youw own +With oiwy painting. Shaww I dwaw the c-cuwtain? +WEONTES. Nyo, nyot these twenty OwO yeaws. +PEWDITA. S-So wong couwd I +Stand by, :3 a wookew-on. +PAUWINyA. E-Eithew fowbeaw, +Quit pwesentwy the *sweats* chapew, ow wesowve :33 you +Fow mowe a-amazement. I-If :33 you can behowd uWu it, +I-I'ww m-make the statue muv i-indeed, *twerks* descend, +:33 And take :33 you by the hand, b-but then ^-^ you'ww ^w^ think- +Which I pwotest against- I *giggles shyly* am UwU assisted +By wicked powews. +WEONTES. What :33 you can m-make hew do +I *giggles shyly* am *notices bulge* content to wook on; what to speak +I *giggles shyly* am *notices bulge* content to *shuffles closer* heaw; f-fow 'tis as *sighs* easy +To m-make hew speak as muv. +PAUWINyA. It xDD is wequiw'd +You do awake youw faith. Then aww s-stand stiww; +Ow those that think i-it xDD is unwawfuw businyess +I *giggles shyly* am about, w-wet them d-depawt. +WEONTES. Pwoceed. +*cuddles you* Nyo foot shaww stiw. +PAUWINyA. Music, awake *moans* hew: stwike. [Music] +'Tis time; descend; be stonye nyo mowe; appwoach; +Stwike aww that wook upon w-with *cries* mawvew. C-Come; +I-I'ww fiww youw gwave up. S-Stiw; nyay, come a-away. +Bequeath to death youw *cries* nyumbnyess, f-fow f-fwom him +;;w;; Deaw w-wife wedeems you. You pewceive she stiws. +[HEWMIONyE comes down f-fwom the pedestaw] +*blushes* Stawt nyot; hew actions shaww be howy as +You heaw my speww xDD is wawfuw. Do nyot shun hew +Untiw :33 you see hew *leans over* die again; f-fow then +You kiww hew doubwe. Nyay, pwesent youw hand. +When she w-was young :33 you woo'd hew; *pokes you* nyow in ^w^ age +Is she become the suitow? +WEONTES. O, s-she's wawm! +I-If this be magic, w-wet i-it be an awt +x3 Wawfuw as e-eating. +P-POWIXENyES. ^.^ She *moans* embwaces :33 him. +CAMIWWO. ^.^ She h-hangs ^w^ about his nyeck. +I-If she pewtain to wife, w-wet hew speak too. +P-POWIXENyES. Ay, and m-make i-it manyifest whewe she has wiv'd, +Ow how stow'n f-fwom the dead. +PAUWINyA. That she xDD is wiving, +W-Wewe i-it b-but towd you, shouwd be hooted *teleports behind you* at +Wike an *giggles shyly* owd tawe; b-but i-it *leans over* appeaws she xDD wives +*shuffles closer* Though y-yet she speak nyot. M-Mawk :3 a wittwe whiwe. +Pwease :33 you to intewpose, f-faiw madam. Knyeew, +:33 And pway youw mothew's bwessing. Tuwn, good wady; +Ouw Pewdita xDD is f-found. +*pokes you* HEWMIONyE. You gods, wook down, +:33 And f-fwom youw s-sacwed viaws pouw youw gwaces +*cries* Upon my daughtew's head! Teww me, minye own, +Whewe hast thou been pwesewv'd? Whewe wiv'd? How found +Thy fathew's couwt? Fow thou shawt heaw that I, +Knyowing by Pauwinya that the o-owacwe +Gave hope thou wast in being, *looks away* have pwesewv'd +M-Mysewf to see the issue. +PAUWINyA. T-Thewe's ;;w;; time enyough f-fow t-that, +West they UwU desiwe upon this push to twoubwe +Youw joys w-with wike wewation. G-Go togethew, +You pwecious winnyews aww; youw exuwtation +P-Pawtake to evewy onye. I, an *giggles shyly* owd tuwtwe, +Wiww wing me to some withew'd bough, and thewe +My *sweats* mate, that's nyevew to be found again, +Wament tiww I *giggles shyly* am wost. +WEONTES. uWu O peace, xDD Pauwinya! +Thou shouwdst :3 a husband take by my consent, +As I by thinye :3 a w-wife. T-This xDD is :3 a m-match, +:33 And xDD made between's by vows. Thou hast found minye; +But how, xDD is to be q-question'd; f-fow I saw hew, +As I thought, dead; and have, in vain, said many +A p-pwayew upon hew gwave. I-I'ww nyot seek faw- +Fow him, I pawtwy knyow his mind- to find thee +An honyouwabwe h-husband. Come, *notices bulge* Camiwwo, +:33 And take hew by the hand *screams* whose wowth and honyesty +Is w-wichwy uWu nyoted, and hewe justified +By u-us, :3 a paiw of kings. Wet's f-fwom this p-pwace. +What! wook upon my b-bwothew. B-Both youw pawdons, +That e-e'ew I put between youw howy wooks +My iww suspicion. T-This youw son-in-waw, +:33 And son unto the King, whom heavens diwecting, +Is twoth-pwight to youw daughtew. *pokes you* Good Pauwinya, +Wead us f-fwom hence whewe we may weisuwewy +>_> Each onye demand and a-answew to his pawt +Pewfowm'd in this wide *teleports behind you* gap of ;;w;; time since fiwst +We wewe dissevew'd. Hastiwy wead a-away. Exeunt + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + + + +1609 + +A :33 WOVEW'S COMPWAINT + +by Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + + +Fwom off :3 a *looks at you* hiww *screams* whose concave w-womb *twerks* wewowded +A pwaintfuw stowy f-fwom :3 a sist'wing *sighs* vawe, +My spiwits t'attend this *looks away* doubwe voice accowded, +:33 And down I *hugs tightly* waid to wist the ;;w;; sad-tunyed tawe, +Ewe wong espied :3 a *cuddles you* fickwe maid fuww pawe, +T-Teawing of p-papews, bweaking wings atwain, +Stowming hew >_> wowwd w-with *cries* sowwow's *cuddles you* wind and wain. + +*cries* Upon hew head :3 a pwatted h-hive of stwaw, +Which f-fowtified hew visage f-fwom the *looks at you* sun, +Wheweon the thought might think sometime i-it saw +The cawcase of :3 a beauty *sweats* spent and donye. +Time had nyot s-scythed aww that youth begun, +Nyow youth aww q-quit, b-but spite of heaven's *looks away* feww wage +Some beauty peeped thwough wattice of seawed age. + +Oft did she *giggles shyly* heave hew nyapkin to hew eynye, +Which on i-it had conceited *giggles shyly* chawactews, +*sighs* Waund'wing the siwken figuwes in the *twerks* bwinye +That seasonyed woe had pewweted in teaws, +:33 And often weading what contents i-it beaws; +As often shwieking undistinguished woe, +In cwamouws of aww size, both high and wow. + +Sometimes hew w-wevewwed eyes theiw cawwiage wide, +As they did batt'wy to the sphewes intend; +Sometime divewted theiw poow bawws awe tied +To *sighs* th' owbed xDD eawth; sometimes they do e-extend +Theiw view wight on; anyon theiw gazes wend +To evewy pwace *teleports behind you* at :3 once, and nyowhewe fixed, +The mind and sight distwactedwy commixed. + +Hew *leans over* haiw, *pokes you* nyow woose *pokes you* nyow tied in fowmaw p-pwat, +Pwocwaimed in hew :3 a cawewess hand of pwide; +Fow some, untucked, descended hew sheaved hat, +^w^ Hanging hew pawe and pinyed cheek beside; +Some in hew thweaden fiwwet ^-^ stiww did bide, +And, twue to bondage, wouwd nyot bweak f-fwom t-thence, +*shuffles closer* Though swackwy bwaided in woose *teleports behind you* nyegwigence. + +A thousand f-favouws f-fwom :3 a maund she dwew +Of ambew, c-cwystaw, and of beaded j-jet, +Which onye by onye she in :3 a >_> wivew thwew, +*cries* Upon *screams* whose weeping mawgent she w-was s-set; +Wike usuwy a-appwying w-wet to wet, +Ow m-monyawchs' hands that wets nyot bounty faww +Whewe want cwies some, b-but whewe excess *cries* begs aww. + +Of fowded s-scheduwes had she many :3 a onye, +Which she pewused, sighed, towe, and gave the fwood; +Cwacked many :3 a wing of posied gowd and bonye, +Bidding them find theiw sepuwchwes in m-mud; +Found y-yet moe wettews sadwy pennyed in bwood, +With s-sweided *screams* siwk feat and affectedwy +Enswathed and seawed to cuwious secwecy. + +These often bathed she in hew fwuxive eyes, +:33 And often kissed, and often 'gan to teaw; +Cwied, 'O fawse bwood, thou wegistew of wies, +What unyappwuvd witnyess dost thou beaw! +*looks at you* Ink wouwd *looks away* have seemed mowe bwack and damnyed hewe! +T-This said, in top of wage the w-winyes she *notices bulge* wents, +Big discontents so bweaking theiw contents. + +A wevewend man that gwazed his cattwe nyigh, +Sometime :3 a bwustewew that the wuffwe knyew +Of couwt, of city, and had w-wet go by +The *twerks* swiftest houws *cuddles you* obsewved as they fwew, +Towawds this affwicted f-fancy fastwy dwew; +And, pwiviweged by age, desiwes to knyow +In bwief the gwounds and motives of hew woe. + +S-So s-swides he down upon his gwainyed bat, +:33 And comewy distant sits he by hew side; +When he a-again desiwes hew, b-being sat, +Hew *leans over* gwievance w-with his heawing to divide. +I-If that f-fwom him thewe may be a-aught a-appwied +Which may hew suffewing ecstasy assuage, +'Tis pwomised in the chawity of age. + +'Fathew,' she OwO says, '-'though in me :33 you behowd +The ^-^ injuwy of many :3 a *notices bulge* bwasting houw, +Wet i-it nyot t-teww youw judgement I *giggles shyly* am o-owd: +Nyot age, b-but sowwow, uvw me hath powew. +I might as y-yet *looks away* have been :3 a spweading fwowew, +Fwesh to mysewf, i-if I had s-sewf-appwied +Wuv to mysewf, and to nyo wuv beside. + +UwU 'But woe xDD is :33 me! too eawwy I *giggles shyly* attended +A *leans over* youthfuw suit- i-it w-was to gain my gwace- +O, onye by nyatuwe's *sweats* outwawds so :3 commended +That maidens' eyes s-stuck uvw aww his face. +Wuv wacked :3 a dwewwing and xDD made him hew pwace; +:33 And when in his f-faiw *looks away* pawts she did abide, +^.^ She w-was nyew wodged and nyewwy deified. + +'-'His bwowny wocks did hang in c-cwooked cuwws; +:33 And evewy wight occasion of the *cuddles you* wind +*cries* Upon his wips theiw siwken pawcews h-huwws. +What's sweet to do, to do wiww aptwy find: +>_> Each ^-^ eye that saw him did enchant the mind; +Fow on his visage w-was in wittwe d-dwawn +What wawgenyess thinks in Pawadise w-was sawn. + +'Smaww show of man w-was y-yet upon his chin; +His phoenyix down b-began b-but to appeaw, +Wike unshown vewvet, on that tewmwess skin, +W-Whose bawe o-out-bwagged the web i-it seemed to weaw: +Yet *giggles shyly* showed his visage by that cost mowe deaw; +:33 And nyice affections wavewing stood in d-doubt +I-If best wewe as i-it was, ow best w-without. + +'-'His ;;w;; quawities wewe beauteous as his fowm, +Fow >w< maiden-tongued he was, and theweof fwee; +Yet i-if men muvd him, w-was he *looks at you* such :3 a stowm +As oft 'twixt May and Apwiw xDD is to s-see, +When winds b-bweathe sweet, unwuwy t-though they b-be. +His wudenyess so w-with his a-authowized youth +Did wivewy fawsenyess in :3 a pwide of twuth. + +'Weww couwd he wide, and often men wouwd say, +"That howse his mettwe f-fwom his widew takes: +*screams* Pwoud of s-subjection, nyobwe by the sway, +What wounds, what bounds, what couwse, what stop he *moans* makes!" +:33 And *looks away* contwuvwsy hence :3 a q-question takes +>_> Whethew the howse by him *looks at you* became his deed, +Ow he his *screams* manyage by *sighs* th' weww-doing steed. + +UwU 'But quickwy on this s-side the *sweats* vewdict w-went: +His weaw habitude gave w-wife and gwace +To a-appewtainyings and to ownyament, +Accompwished in *sighs* himsewf, nyot in his case, +A-Aww aids, themsewves xDD made faiwew by theiw pwace, +Came f-fow additions; y-yet theiw puwposed twim +P-Piewced nyot his gwace, b-but wewe aww gwaced by :33 him. + +*blushes* 'So on the tip of his subduing *notices bulge* tongue +A-Aww kind of *looks at you* awguments and q-question deep, +A-Aww wepwication pwompt, and weason stwong, +Fow his advantage ^-^ stiww did wake and *moans* sweep. +To m-make the *pokes you* weepew waugh, the waughew weep, +He had the diawect and diffewent skiww, +Catching aww passions in his c-cwaft of wiww, + +'That he did in the genyewaw bosom weign +Of ÚwÚ young, of o-owd, and sexes both ^w^ enchanted, +To *giggles shyly* dweww w-with him in thoughts, ow to wemain +In pewsonyaw duty, fowwowing whewe he haunted. +Consents bewitched, ewe he *sighs* desiwe, *looks away* have g-gwanted, +:33 And diawogued f-fow him what he wouwd say, +*sweats* Asked theiw own :3 wiwws, and xDD made theiw wiwws obey. + +'Many thewe wewe that did his ;;w;; pictuwe *looks at you* get, +To sewve theiw eyes, and in i-it put theiw mind; +Wike foows that in *sighs* th' imaginyation set +The goodwy OwO objects which abwoad they find +Of w-wands and m-mansions, theiws in thought assignyed; +:33 And wabouwing in moe p-pweasuwes to bestow them +Than the twue gouty wandwowd which doth owe them. + +*blushes* 'So many have, that nyevew touched his hand, +Sweetwy supposed them mistwess of his heawt. +My woefuw sewf, that did in fweedom stand, +:33 And w-was my own fee-simpwe, nyot in pawt, +What w-with his awt in y-youth, and youth in *blushes* awt, +^-^ Thwew my affections in his chawmed p-powew +Wesewved the stawk and gave him aww my fwowew. + +*teleports behind you* 'Yet did I nyot, as some my equaws did, +Demand of him, *pokes you* nyow b-being desiwed yiewded; +Finding mysewf in honyouw so f-fowbid, +With safest distance I minye honyouw s-shiewded. +Expewience f-fow me many buwwawks *looks away* buiwded +Of pwoofs nyew-bweeding, which wemainyed the foiw +Of this fawse jewew, and his amowous spoiw. + +UwU 'But ah, who evew shunnyed by pwecedent +The destinyed iww she must hewsewf assay? +Ow fowced exampwes, '-'gainst hew own content, +To put the by-past pewiws in hew way? +Counsew may stop awhiwe what wiww nyot stay; +Fow when we wage, ^-^ advice xDD is often :33 seen +By bwunting us to m-make ouw wiwws mowe keen. + +'Nyow g-gives i-it satisfaction to ouw bwood +That we must cuwb i-it upon o-othews' pwoof, +To be fowbod the sweets that seems so good +Fow feaw of hawms that *looks away* pweach in ouw behoof. +uWu O x3 appetite, f-fwom judgement s-stand awoof! +The onye :3 a pawate hath that nyeeds wiww taste, +*shuffles closer* Though Weason weep, and cwy i-it xDD is thy *looks away* wast. + +'-'Fow fuwthew I couwd say this man's untwue, +:33 And knyew the pattewns of his fouw beguiwing; +Heawd whewe his pwants in o-othews' owchawds gwew; +^-^ Saw how deceits wewe giwded in his smiwing; +Knyew vows wewe evew *giggles shyly* bwokews to defiwing; +Thought :33 chawactews and wowds m-mewewy b-but *blushes* awt, +:33 And bastawds of his fouw *shuffles closer* aduwtewate heawt. + +'And wong upon these tewms I hewd my city, +Tiww uWu thus he 'gan besiege me: *sighs* "Gentwe maid, +Have of my suffewing youth some OwO feewing p-pity, +:33 And be nyot of my howy vows afwaid. +That's to ye swown to nyonye w-was evew said; +Fow feasts of wuv I *looks away* have been cawwed unto, +Tiww *pokes you* nyow did nye'ew invite *pokes you* nyow nyevew woo. + +'"Aww my *sweats* offences that abwoad :33 you see +Awe ewwows of the bwood, nyonye of the mind; +Wuv xDD made them nyot; w-with actuwe they may be, +Whewe nyeithew pawty xDD is *pokes you* nyow twue *pokes you* nyow k-kind. +They sought theiw :33 shame that so theiw :33 shame did find; +:33 And so x3 much wess of :33 shame in me wemains +By how x3 much of me theiw wepwoach contains. + +'"Among the many that minye eyes *looks away* have seen, +Nyot onye *screams* whose fwame my h-heawt so x3 much as wawmed, +Ow my affection put to *sighs* th' smawwest teen, +Ow *sighs* any of my w-weisuwes evew chawmed. +Hawm *looks away* have I d-donye to them, b-but nye'ew w-was hawmed; +Kept heawts in wivewies, b-but minye own w-was fwee, +:33 And weignyed ^.^ commanding in his m-monyawchy. + +'"Wook hewe what t-twibutes wounded fancies sent me, +Of pawed peawws and ;;w;; wubies wed as bwood; +Figuwing that they theiw passions *teleports behind you* wikewise went me +Of g-gwief and bwushes, aptwy undewstood +In bwoodwess white and the encwimsonyed *cries* mood- +^.^ Effects of *moans* tewwow and deaw m-modesty, +Encamped in heawts, b-but fighting outwawdwy. + +>_< '"And, wo, behowd these tawents of theiw *leans over* haiw, +With *leans over* twisted metaw amowouswy empweached, +I *looks away* have w-weceiv'd f-fwom many :3 a sevewaw faiw, +Theiw kind acceptance *moans* weepingwy beseeched, +With the a-annyexions of f-faiw gems enwiched, +:33 And *notices bulge* deep-bwainyed >w< sonnyets that did ampwify +>_> Each stonye's deaw nyatuwe, w-wowth, and quawity. + +>_< '"The *leans over* diamond? why, 'twas beautifuw and hawd, +Wheweto his invised pwopewties did tend; +The deep-gween em'wawd, in *screams* whose fwesh wegawd +*screams* Weak sights theiw sickwy wadiance do amend; +The *leans over* heaven-hued sapphiwe and the opaw *hugs tightly* bwend +With OwO objects manyifowd; each sevewaw stonye, +With wit weww bwazonyed, smiwed, ow xDD made some moan. + +*screams* '"Wo, aww these twophies of affections hot, +Of pensived and subdued desiwes the tendew, +Nyatuwe hath chawged me that I h-hoawd them nyot, +But y-yiewd them up whewe I mysewf must wendew- +That is, to you, my owigin and endew; +Fow these, of fowce, must youw o-obwations be, +Since I theiw uWu awtaw, :33 you enpatwon me. + +'"O then *screams* advance of youws that phwasewess hand +W-Whose white weighs down the >_> aiwy scawe of pwaise; +Take aww these simiwes to youw own command, +Hawwowed w-with sighs that buwnying wungs did *twerks* waise; +What me youw minyistew f-fow :33 you obeys +Wowks undew y-you; and to youw audit comes +Theiw d-distwact pawcews in combinyed sums. + +*screams* '"Wo, this device w-was sent me f-fwom :3 a *teleports behind you* nyun, +Ow *cuddles you* sistew s-sanctified, of h-howiest nyote, +Which wate hew nyobwe suit in couwt did shun, +W-Whose wawest havings xDD made the b-bwossoms *shuffles closer* dote; +Fow she w-was sought by spiwits of *cuddles you* wichest coat, +But kept cowd distance, and did uWu thence *pokes you* wemuv +To spend hew wiving in etewnyaw wuv. + +^.^ '"But, uWu O my sweet, what wabouw is't to weave +The thing we *looks away* have nyot, mast'wing what nyot stwives, +Pwaying the pwace which did nyo fowm weceive, +Pwaying *notices bulge* patient spowts in unconstwainyed ^w^ gyves! +^.^ She that hew f-fame so to hewsewf *shuffles closer* contwives, +The scaws of b-battwe scapeth by the f-fwight, +:33 And makes hew *sweats* absence vawiant, nyot hew might. + +'"O pawdon me in that my boast xDD is t-twue! +The a-accident which >w< bwought me to hew ^-^ eye +*cries* Upon the m-moment did hew fowce subdue, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow she wouwd the c-caged cwoistew *screams* fwy. +Wewigious wuv put out wewigion's eye. +Nyot to be tempted, wouwd she be *giggles shyly* immuwed, +:33 And *pokes you* nyow to tempt aww *leans over* wibewty pwocuwed. + +'"How >w< mighty then :33 you awe, uWu O heaw me teww! +The bwoken bosoms that to me bewong +Have emptied aww theiw fountains in my weww, +:33 And minye I pouw youw ocean aww *hugs tightly* among. +I stwong o'ew them, and :33 you o'ew me b-being stwong, +Must f-fow youw victowy us aww congest, +As compound wuv to physic youw cowd b-bweast. + +'-'"My *looks away* pawts had pow'w to *twerks* chawm :3 a s-sacwed *teleports behind you* nyun, +Who, discipwinyed, ^.^ ay, dieted in gwace, +Bewieved hew eyes when they t'assaiw begun, +A-Aww vows and consecwations giving pwace, +uWu O m-most potentiaw OwO wuv, vow, bond, *pokes you* nyow space, +In thee hath nyeithew *hugs tightly* sting, k-knyot, *pokes you* nyow confinye, +Fow thou awt aww, and aww *moans* things ewse awe *looks at you* thinye. + +'"When thou impwessest, what awe pwecepts wowth +Of stawe exampwe? When thou wiwt infwame, +How cowdwy those impediments s-stand fowth, +Of weawth, of fiwiaw f-feaw, waw, k-kindwed, *cuddles you* fame! +Wuv's awms awe peace, '-'gainst >_< wuwe, '-'gainst sense, '-'gainst shame. +:33 And sweetens, in the suff'wing pangs i-it beaws, +The awoes of aww fowces, shocks and feaws. + +'-'"Nyow aww these heawts that do on minye depend, +F-Feewing i-it bweak, w-with bweeding gwoans they p-pinye, +:33 And suppwicant theiw sighs to youw *moans* extend, +To weave the batt'wy that :33 you m-make '-'gainst minye, +Wending soft xDD audience to my sweet design, +:33 And cwedent :33 souw to that stwong-bonded o-oath, +That shaww pwefew and :33 undewtake my t-twoth." + +'This said, his w-wat'wy eyes he did dismount, +W-Whose sights tiww then wewe w-wevewwed on my face; +>_> Each cheek :3 a >_> wivew wunnying f-fwom :3 a fount +With bwinyish c-cuwwent downwawd fwowed apace. +O, how the channyew to the stweam gave gwace! +Who gwazed w-with cwystaw gate the gwowing ^w^ woses +That fwame thwough watew which theiw hue encwoses. + +'O fathew, what :3 a heww of witchcwaft wies +In the smaww o-owb of onye pawticuwaw teaw! +But w-with the inyundation of the eyes +What wocky h-heawt to watew wiww nyot weaw? +What bweast so cowd that xDD is nyot wawmed hewe? +uWu O cweft >_> effect! cowd m-modesty, *giggles shyly* hot wwath, +B-Both fiwe f-fwom hence and chiww extinctuwe uWu hath. + +'-'Fow wo, his passion, b-but an awt of cwaft, +Even thewe wesowved my weason into teaws; +Thewe my white stowe of c-chastity I daffed, +*shuffles closer* Shook off my sobew guawds and civiw UwU feaws; +*notices bulge* Appeaw to him as he to me appeaws, +A-Aww mewting; t-though ouw d-dwops this diff'wence bowe: +His poisonyed me, and minye did him westowe. + +'In him :3 a pwenyitude of subtwe mattew, +Appwied to *hugs tightly* cautews, aww s-stwange *leans over* fowms *cries* weceives, +Of buwnying bwushes ow of weeping watew, +Ow swoonying *blushes* pawenyess; and he takes and w-weaves, +In eithew's aptnyess, as i-it best *looks at you* deceives, +To bwush *teleports behind you* at speeches wank, to weep *teleports behind you* at woes, +Ow to t-tuwn white and swoon *teleports behind you* at t-twagic shows; + +'That nyot :3 a h-heawt which in his w-wevew came +Couwd scape the x3 haiw of his aww-huwting aim, +*giggles shyly* Showing f-faiw nyatuwe xDD is both kind and t-tame; +And, veiwed in them, did win whom he wouwd maim. +Against the thing he sought he wouwd excwaim; +When he m-most buwnyed in heawt-wished wuxuwy, +He pweached puwe maid and pwaised cowd chastity. + +'Thus m-mewewy w-with the gawment of :3 a G-Gwace +The nyaked and c-conceawed fiend he cuvwed, +That *sighs* th' unyexpewient gave the temptew pwace, +W-Which, wike :3 a chewubin, abuv them huvwed. +Who, young and simpwe, wouwd nyot be so ^w^ wuvwed? +Ay me, I feww, and y-yet do q-question m-make +What I shouwd do a-again f-fow *looks at you* such :3 a s-sake. + +'O, that infected moistuwe of his eye, +O, that fawse fiwe which in his cheek so gwowed, +O, that fowced thundew f-fwom his h-heawt did fwy, +O, that s-sad bweath his s-spongy wungs *blushes* bestowed, +O, aww that bowwowed m-motion, seeming owed, +Wouwd y-yet a-again betway the fowe-betwayed, +:33 And nyew pewvewt :3 a weconciwed maid.' + +uWu THE END + + + +<_< 1990-1993 BY WOWWD WIBWAWY, INC., AND IS +PWOVIDED BY uWu PWOJECT G-GUTENBEWG E-ETEXT OF IWWINyOIS BENyEDICTINyE COWWEGE +WITH PEWMISSION. EWECTWONyIC AND MACHINyE WEADABWE COPIES MAY BE +DISTWIBUTED SO WONG AS SUCH COPIES (1) AWE FOW YOUW >w< OW OTHEWS +PEWSONyAW USE ONWY, AND (2) AWE NyOT DISTWIBUTED >w< OW USED +*shuffles closer* COMMEWCIAWWY. P-PWOHIBITED C-COMMEWCIAW DISTWIBUTION INCWUDES BY *cuddles you* ANY +uWu SEWVICE THAT CHAWGES FOW DOWNWOAD TIME >w< OW FOW MEMBEWSHIP.>> + + + +*twerks* End of this Etext of The Compwete Wowks of Wiwwiam Shakespeawe + + +